# Coping with Depression



## RGD MIKE (May 15, 2011)

I have extremely severe depression(as told by a counselor i was forced to see by concerned friends), resulting from years of physical, emotional, and verbal abuse at home combined with other events, i haven't been truly happy in a very long time, except for going the occasional show i am allowed to to, and the happiness is gone and i take a pitfall as soon as i get back home. what do you guys do to cope with depression? When get so far along that you don't even have the desire to play guitar anymore? i feel like an empty soul. i don't eat, i don't play guitar much, i find it hard to sleep, and I barely make it through each day. what can i do? what do you guys do? thanks much.


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## Stealthdjentstic (May 15, 2011)

I think it's really important to keep in mind that depression is a chemical problem. It's NOT your fault. Adjusting your diet can help a lot. I had a neighbor with severe depression and I could tell when she'd been following her diet or not because her depression would get worse within a few days.


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## RGD MIKE (May 15, 2011)

Stealthtastic said:


> I think it's really important to keep in mind that depression is a chemical problem. It's NOT your fault. Adjusting your diet can help a lot. I had a neighbor with severe depression and I could tell when she'd been following her diet or not because her depression would get worse within a few days.



Sometimes i think it is my fault. I think everything is my fault a lot of times. Does eating make a significant difference? maybe i'll force myself to eat. I have been going on one meal a day for a while with nothing else and no desire to eat or drink.


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## Sebastian (May 15, 2011)

Stealthtastic said:


> I think it's really important to keep in mind that depression is a chemical problem. It's NOT your fault. Adjusting your diet can help a lot. I had a neighbor with severe depression and I could tell when she'd been following her diet or not because her depression would get worse within a few days.



Definitely diet has a big part on how do you feel - especially when you're depressed.
Also everyday exercise/working out is good for your health - you don't have to spend a lot of time on it, but if done everyday it'll show positive effects


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## Anton (May 15, 2011)

Get to a boxing class, and start working out its probably the best thing. 
You'll have a diet to follow, training regime to follow this will take your mind away from the negative...The worst thing is to sit at home and hope for a change, you make the change.

Get yourself some boxing gloves and start kicking ass, you'll start to see results and you'll be blown away from how much it can change your life.
Boxing, Kick boxing, Muay Thai, MMA doesn't matter...whatever you see the most attractive...get in class...


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## RGD MIKE (May 15, 2011)

Anton said:


> Get to a boxing class, and start working out its probably the best thing.
> You'll have a diet to follow, training regime to follow this will take your mind away from the negative...The worst thing is to sit at home and hope for a change, you make the change.
> 
> Get yourself some boxing gloves and start kicking ass, you'll start to see results and you'll be blown away from how much it can change your life.
> Boxing, Kick boxing, Muay Thai, MMA doesn't matter...whatever you see the most attractive...get in class...



I was a varsity wrestler at my school before I completely tore two ligaments in my left wrist while at a tournament(i finished the match and won) and season is up, but i understand where you are coming from i guess.


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## Stealthdjentstic (May 15, 2011)

RGD MIKE said:


> Sometimes i think it is my fault. I think everything is my fault a lot of times. Does eating make a significant difference? maybe i'll force myself to eat. I have been going on one meal a day for a while with nothing else and no desire to eat or drink.



I've never had depression, but like I said my neighbor had it and she said changing her diet helped her a lot. Ask your doctor about it, it may be worth seeing a naturapath over.


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## flo (May 15, 2011)

I agree with everything that has been said.

Keep in mind that a mental disease like depressions is a disease like all others. Would you blame yourself if you broke your leg or fell flew? You'd go to the doctor. Get some help. 

Here's what I'd do:
1. Work out, do a lot of sports, and find others to train with. You'll be more motivated in a group. You'll be tired in the evening and hopefully be able to sleep through.Doing as much as possible outside in daylight helps a lot, too.

2. Go to bed and wake up as regularly as possible. 

3. Eat healthy, lots of fresh food and vegetables. Avoid fat food and fast food. If you don't cook, learn how to, and cook for others! It's fun and good for your health. Start your day with a nice breakfast.

You say you get depressed when you come home... maybe change something about your home? Make it a nice place that you actually like going to, don't know, paint the walls, rearrange the furniture, put some pictures or posters on the wall that you like and get rid of everything that's getting you down.

Every time when I feel down I start cleaning my apartment, wash my clothes, tidy up etc. I feel that the chaos around me somehow increases the chaos in my head, and that on the other hand a nice environment calms me. When you take care of something you indirectly take care of yourself.


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## RGD MIKE (May 15, 2011)

i ate a little at your guys' recommendation about a half hour ago. now we wait. thanks for the replies so far.


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## Winspear (May 15, 2011)

^Good, but don't expect it to fix you just like that 

Just posting to say how much I agree with the workout+diet comments. I began learning about bodybuilding last September, and since then I've been in the gym 4 times a week and eating twice as much as usual, but a very healthy diet. Aside from the training itself which is going great, I've never felt so good in my life.
I am full of energy, more motivated than I have ever been, feel stronger every day and get up at 7am without fail to start a productive day. I was never depressed, but getting into this healthy routine has made me feel wonderful. 
Set a rough bedtime and a morning alarm, and a healthy diet. Exercise too if you can. But at least force yourself to follow the times and eat the food. You'll get used to it in a week or so and I'm sure you'll feel a lot better.


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## ovation22 (May 15, 2011)

32 and still my own depression comes and goes, so you're definitely not alone. Just try to find the things you enjoy, that make you laugh, that make you smile. Even a funny movie helps me out.

I tend to involve myself in a number of projects, woodworking, music, etc. I've even started my first guitar build.

Sunshine does wonders for me, also. A hike in the woods really helps me recharge.


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## steve1 (May 15, 2011)

Well done for going to see a counselor (even if you were forced) thats a good first step, accepting help is important.

I'm stubborn, I refused counselling and just took the pills the doctor gave me, which had some nasty side effects so I stopped taking them. This in turn has prolonged my depression, which is still very much in my life, but now at a stage that i can cope with day to day life much better.

Exercise is good, socialising is important, try not to shut yourself off from people.

Are you in a band? being in a band really helped my motivation to play guitar, it gave me a reason to play, instead of sitting in my bedroom thinking whats the point.

none of this stuff is going to be an instant fix, it will take time, you will have to force yourself to do stuff that you don't feel motivated to do. But you *can* get through it.

Keep seeing that counselor.


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## Origin (May 15, 2011)

I get it on and off, I exercise frequently and watch interesting movies and comedies and try to spend a lot of time with friends. Also, not to encourage illegal behaviour, but cannabis frankly helps the SHIT out of my depression too. That twisted-stomach feeling, the blank mind and apathy, everything just pisses off for a bit and I feel like doing things and like things in life are important.


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## Dvaienat (May 15, 2011)

I used to suffer from depression, and still do occasionally. The best thing to do is do the things you enjoy, though I can see from your first post you have gone past the point of being helped by that. Take regular excersise, which will make you feel more lively. Socialise a lot, and meet new people. Even if you don't want to do the things, force yourself. You'll feel better for it. Keep eating too, you don't want to develop anorexia.

I hope things work out for you


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## RGD MIKE (May 15, 2011)

steve1 said:


> Well done for going to see a counselor (even if you were forced) thats a good first step, accepting help is important.
> 
> I'm stubborn, I refused counselling and just took the pills the doctor gave me, which had some nasty side effects so I stopped taking them. This in turn has prolonged my depression, which is still very much in my life, but now at a stage that i can cope with day to day life much better.
> 
> ...



I am in a band and has many songs written, but my mom refuses to let me play shows or anything so it's worthless there. it sucks for all that and thats one of the few things that gives me sorta happiness


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## Dvaienat (May 15, 2011)

RGD MIKE said:


> I am in a band and has many songs written, but my mom refuses to let me play shows or anything so it's worthless there. it sucks for all that and thats one of the few things that gives me sorta happiness


 
In other words, your mother is making your depression worse. Tell her where to get off, and play the shows. She clearly does not have your best interests at heart.


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## RGD MIKE (May 15, 2011)

NatG said:


> In other words, your mother is making your depression worse. Tell her where to get off, and play the shows. She clearly does not have your best interests at heart.



well, I have been abused verbally and emotionally for years(physical abuse stopped about 2 years ago) so it's hard to reason with that kind of person even if you get straight A's and never get in trouble


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## Hollowway (May 15, 2011)

I'm surprised no one has mentioned SSRIs. Diet, exercise, etc are great, but for moderate to severe depression nothing has as positive of an effect as meds. Yes America is over medicated. Yes the drug companies overdo the ads. But for many diseases, depression included, a change in physiology is the best solution, and major changes are best accomplished with meds. 
So my advice: see a psychiatrist and has the discussion.


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## Thrashmanzac (May 15, 2011)

try to eat well and sleep well. regular counciling session may also help alot and possibly some medication could also help.
try to be around he people you love as much as you can.
it is a terrble thing but just know that you can beat it


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## RGD MIKE (May 16, 2011)

I have the urge tonight. A very sting urge to do it. And I think about it, what is there to lose?


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## Thrashmanzac (May 16, 2011)

there is everything to lose mate, because you WILL get through this and you will realise how amazing life can be. trust me i have been there and came out the other side, hang in there mate.


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## flo (May 16, 2011)

I don't know how old you are, but it sounds to me as you should consider to move out. maybe move to a relative. Man I feel sorry for you. But I'm sure you will get through this, and you'll be a very strong person afterwards.


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## RGD MIKE (May 16, 2011)

flo said:


> I don't know how old you are, but it sounds to me as you should consider to move out. maybe move to a relative. Man I feel sorry for you. But I'm sure you will get through this, and you'll be a very strong person afterwards.



Thanks. I'm 17, and all my relatives are on the other side of the countr. I can't move out


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## klami (May 16, 2011)

I´ve had a mild depression for years so I obviously dont know what you are going through. 
But what has made my life easier is basically just doing stuff. 

Get out of the couch and just do something. Anything from working out, spending time with your friends, etc. 
Spending time focusing on something else than stuff that hurts has helped me a lot. 

Its a process that takes time, but eventually it will soften its grip. 
I know how it is to think that there is nothing to lose, but there is, even if you dont see it now! 
Hang in there!


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## Thrashmanzac (May 16, 2011)

do you have acces to counciling at all? i think you should see a phychologist man and maybe talk about some methods to help you.
medication certainly helped me, perhap it could help you to


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## flo (May 16, 2011)

RGD MIKE said:


> Thanks. I'm 17, and all my relatives are on the other side of the countr. I can't move out



I don't know how it is in your country, but judging from what you wrote you sound like a case for the youth welfare office to me, at least in Germany you'd be. It's just unacceptable that you suffer from violence at home! I'd advice you to talk with a psychologist about your situation, and with the authorities.
If you don't know whom to turn to I guess people on here will know? In the worst case maybe turn to the police as a starting point, they'll send you further.


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## Overtone (May 16, 2011)

Hang in there! You're young... it takes time to come to terms with some of the more challenging emotions we go through. You can learn to accept yourself, find solace in the things that resonate with your soul, and reconcile the issues that create dissonance. The world is a fucked up place, but you can learn to love it... it just takes patience, determination, and an open mind. 

As far as eating, one thing that's good is to try to learn to really appreciate what you're eating. Think about what a true privilege it is to have access to all this food. For me there's nothing like getting my hands on good ingredients, preparing the meal myself, and savoring it. Sleeping and exercising too. You can't neglect your body. The more balance you can create in your life the better off you'll be.


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## Dvaienat (May 16, 2011)

How about you move in with a friend? Perhaps one of your bandmates.

And never, ever, ever kill yourself. There is always better to come, you are only 17.

Do you have a job? If you do not, I'd advise getting one. Just a job in a shop or something. You will be able to gain experience and move up the career ladder. Soon you may be earning enough to rent a flat or apartment, and thus get away from your mother. As you move higher up the career ladder, you will be able to buy your own home.


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## RGD MIKE (May 16, 2011)

Thanks guys. I don't deal with physical violence in the home anymore, and not for about 3 years. It's just the constant verbal and emotionally abuse now. I am pretty sheltered, as in getting out of the house is tough sometimes. Maybe I will be allowed to do something once a week. I think calling CPS would make it much worse for me. I would have to move away, I'd lose all my friends, my gear, everything. I don't want that. I want find a way to cope with it at home. Things aren't going to change. I know that. But I need something to re kindle my motivations and keep me a live in a world where friends are not what they seem except for a few and your girl friend is going to be 1000 miles away forever a 2 weeks from now.


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## Dvaienat (May 16, 2011)

RGD MIKE said:


> Thanks guys. I don't deal with physical violence in the home anymore, and not for about 3 years. It's just the constant verbal and emotionally abuse now. I am pretty sheltered, as in getting out of the house is tough sometimes. Maybe I will be allowed to do something once a week. I think calling CPS would make it much worse for me. I would have to move away, I'd lose all my friends, my gear, everything. I don't want that. I want find a way to cope with it at home. Things aren't going to change. I know that. But I need something to re kindle my motivations and keep me a live in a world where friends are not what they seem except for a few and your girl friend is going to be 1000 miles away forever a 2 weeks from now.


 
This may not be the best advice but I would completely disregard your mother's rules and disobey her. If she gives you crap, tell her where to stick it. If she evicts you (which I don't think she can to till you are 18?), go and live with a bandmate. She is the problem. Your depression will get worse if you continue with her. She can't tell you to stay in the house or prevent you from working.

By CPS do you mean Child Protection Society? If so, call them. Get them to give you shelter until you are able to sustain yourself. You are under 18 so I believe you are entitled to housing.


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## darren (May 16, 2011)

Are you in school at all? If so, most schools offer a lot of counseling services, which you should take advantage of. And not just one visit. Keep talking to someone and build that relationship so you have someone to talk to. A professional will also help you develop coping strategies and ways to keep your head above water.

Anti-depressants can help immensely, but they're NOT RECOMMENDED for teenagers because they can actually make things worse. Counseling is your best option right now, and you should do your best to take as much advantage of it as possible.


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## Hollowway (May 16, 2011)

Yeah, what Darren said about beig a teenager and meds- they can have the opposite effect, so a psychologist will decide what, if anything, would be safe to take.
Also, be careful with CPS. My experience has been that unless things are ridiculously bad they won't take you away, but will instead write your parents up and tell them the situation, and then you'll be worse off than before you started. So first step is to find out if our school offers some sort of counseling. You can even start with a guidance counselor, but only to figure out how to contact an actual psychologist or psychiatrist.


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## Overtone (May 16, 2011)

With both CPS and school counselors you want to be careful... we had a friend who was having some emotional problems so we convinced him to visit the school counselor for a free therapy session just so that he could get some stuff off his chest. I dunno what he said, but they considered him to be a suicide risk, suspended him for the semester, and put him in a psych ward! It seemed to me like they were just taking extreme measures so they could cover their asses in case something did happen to the guy and his parents sued. This is not to say don't see anybody and don't say anything, just be cautious because with some things there's no turning back. I think in general you have to take an active role in figuring this out and dealing with the depression... take whatever help you can get professionally, but don't see that as the be all and end all... some docs just write scrips and others might try to help you figure out what you can change in your life to feel better... so it's up to you to make sure you're getting the most out of it.


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## RGD MIKE (May 16, 2011)

thanks guys. i totally agree that CPS would make everything 50x worse. i won't go that route. Thanks for all the help so far..


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## Hallic (May 18, 2011)

just want to add to the eat-regualairy-healthy-to-feel-good-argument: Try eating fatty fish, salmon or nuts advacado's for Omega's.

Again: it won't take the problems away,but it will put you're mind sharp/clear, that little bit of strength to cope.


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## Kamikaze7 (May 18, 2011)

Mike, I want to share my personal experiences with you about my severe depression and suicidal thoughts and ideation....

7 years ago, I got to a point where I was in your exact same shoes. My dad and I weren't seeing eye to eye anymore. He told me a few years prior that "maybe once I was his age I'd have my priorities strait"... The following morning, I got up at 12 midnight and walked 2 hours to work in the middle of the winter - snow and all - to get to work. I had other issues I was battling, including my dad's half of the family that despised me ever since I was born and did everything they could to make my life hell. I was at the point where I was going to do something bad to myself, or to the first person that even so much as looked at me the wrong way. It was a time when I knew there was something seriously wrong, and I had started researching what the issues were (depression, Bi-Polar disorder, and other issues I was facing...). 

I was hospitalized for a week as I went and talked to friends that cared enough to help me. While in the hospital, I was started on new meds that really worked well for a while. I too had been thru counseling for about a year, and was going thru all kinds of changes with the meds. The main one I was on I was maxed out on (Depakote ER, 2000mg's a day...), in addition to trying to mix other meds with it under my doctor's orders (Seroquel, Abilify...). The Seroquel was very bad as it made me fall asleep shortly after taking it. I found out the hard way after taking it and then going for a ride to the store down the street for a drink and starting to pass out behind the wheel driving... The Abilify did absolutely nothing at all. I went back to the doctor and told him that I was still feeling bad and needed help. At this point he told me that I should go to the psychiatric hospital (the one that refused me every time I tried to get help from them...) and undergo the 2 hour psychiatric evaluation, and he wanted me to start on the hard-core anti-psychotic meds like Haldol. This was my deciding factor to quit the meds as they did nothing but make me worse. it was also the day that Slipknot had just released "All Hope Is Gone" - August 26th, 2008. So after getting back into the new Slipknot stuff, it especially helped me to get out of the whole "psychiatry" trap of meds and wasted time and money of knowing more about what was wrong with me than they could even begin to understand. That was when I decided to just get back full force into my music to get me thru anything bad and horrific in my life. Not only taht, but the week's stay in the hospital cost me over $15K, which I could have used to re-build my hot-rod - a rare 1992 GMC Typhoon, #1820 out of the 2500 made in '92. Yes, pissed off very much I was because of that...

In my final session of counceling, one of the best things that's ever happened to me and also a tragedy occurred while I was inside. My dad had died in his car while waiting for me to come out due to either a heart attack or a stroke (high blood pressure related). What makes it even more fucked up was that he died on my birthday 5 years ago. So while his death was a shock, it was also a blessing as my main source of stress in my life was gone. I had met up with someone in NJ that I've been really close to and have started to make plans to get out of RI for once and for all finally. I had lost my job the day before thanksgiving in '08 and had been out of work for 2 years. Besides the unemployment money I was getting, the extra cash I made was from hauling and cashing in scrap metal (which pays really good might I add, as the price of metal went back up again!!!). In January of 2010, I decided to inquire about going back to school for heavy equipment operator through the Dept. of Labor. By mid July, I finally got the approval to go, and I had already made plans with my friend here in NJ to come and live with him. So I went home and started packing everything that was coming with me - my 3 guitars at the time was included in that stuff. It was finally my chance that I had been waiting for for more than 20 years to get away from all the people that were causing me nothing but problems in my life and that hated me with a passion of the Christ.

So not to sound like a dick about it - because I'm really not trying to come across as one, I'm speaking the truth about this man... Seeing a counselor is great, and it's the first sign of getting help. The toughest part is realizing the problem and getting help for it which you did. Next thing you really need to do is get out of that house and away from your mother. It sounds to me like your mother is the source of all your problems and you NEED to get away from her before something bad happens to either you or her. You won't know how much better you'll feel until you get away from what's keeping you down and causing your problems. If you love your guitar and your gear and your music, then make it work for you. For me I love playing my guitars or the drums and grinding the fuck out of my strings and getting my aggressions out on my guitars. If it weren't for my music, I wouldn't be typing this out for you to read and help you.

As for getting out and finding somewhere else to go, start talking to your friends, those who you are really good with and will stick by you no matter what. You are in a really bad spot right now and you need to act before things get worse. Someone will be willing to let you stay with them. If not, then talk to your counselor and tell her that you seriously need to get out of that house with your mother before things get worse. And I agree about getting a job also, getting a job and getting money in your pocket is yet another step to buying your freedom and your sanity remaining in tact. If you need to, ask your doctor or counselor to give you some meds to help take some of the pressure off. They didn't work well for me, but there's plenty of people who they do work for though. If your taking them and feel yourself getting worse, get back to the hospital or your doctor right away and tell them.

Eating right and sleeping at least 6 hours a day is very important also. If you don't eat and sleep right, your only doing more harm to your body and making the depression worse. Same goes for doing nothing but staying in the house all the time too... get out and start looking for a job and a new place to go... But since you got your guitar(s) and gear and friends to jam with, seriously start using that to get the bullshit out of your life.

In the meantime, be true to yourself, and stay close to friends who really care for and about you. If you need to talk to someone when you hit those ugly "black" spot, then do it, do NOT keep that shit inside as it's only poisoning you more. If you feel you need someone different to talk to, you can always talk to me as I've been there before and I beat it. I'm a good listener and can help give you insights as to how to beat it also. _*DO NOT - I repeat, DO NOT attempt to kill yourself. Death is the coward's way out, and you are the furthest thing from a coward!!!*_ Not to mention, think of those you'll be hurting most if you die... The pain that you will burden your friends with is not worth it, neither is death. Your still young and have your whole life ahead of you. You've got talents and skills with your music, so use it to it's fullest potentials. You've got friends close by and friends here that give a fuck and will always be here to listen if you need to vent.

But what I've mentioned above are the things to start looking into and to saving yourself and your sanity before shit gets really bad. The only one that's gonna make things happen is yourself. Just like the corny line from Ferris Beuller's Day Off goes: "If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish ANYTHING!!!" It's the truth man. So start looking at how to get out of that house and away from your mother before she kills you with the stress or you kill her from snapping and losing it. The ball's in your court, time to run with it and make shit happen for yourself.

If you'd like to be able to talk to me sometime, send me a PM and I'll give you my email and phone #. I'll always be there to help a friend and fellow musician in need. I'm sure there's others here that are willing and would do the same. For me, my music and my gear I value MORE than my life. My music IS my life. Hard work, dedication and preservernce will get you thru this. Just alaway remember to do the right thing and don't kill yourself. We're all here if you need us!!!


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## Rock4ever (May 19, 2011)

Booze & PT's voyage 34 offered me a nice escape for awhile, but eventually I needed more and more of it to feel the effects. Very rigorous exercise helps me with mine, rigorous to the point where I really feel dazed for 30min- hour after. I'm also more relaxed and less anxious after too.


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## RGD MIKE (May 24, 2011)

Well, Wednesday is here. It has been 6 days since I was released from the hospital late Wednesday night last week after I tried and nearly succeeded in killing myself last Tuesday night. An entire bottle of sleeping pills really takes a toll on one's body. And my mind for that matter. I am still not better physically or mentally from that incident. It is a very painful way to die. Someone found me though.


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## Thrashmanzac (May 24, 2011)

jesus man...
you need to commit yourself to a hospital i think and get yourself better.
your a young man with your whole life ahead of you, you can get through this


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## RGD MIKE (May 24, 2011)

I had to lie to get out of the hospital last Wednesday. But my parents know the truth. While they appear to have lightened up a little, I am still being blamed for everything and they don't accept my depression, thinking I wanted attention. I think I would have done something a little less lethal and painful if I just wanted attention. I don't know what to do anymore.


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## Thrashmanzac (May 24, 2011)

man you shouldnt have lied to get out, if your home life is bad dont you think a hospital may be the best place for you at the moment? they will look after you and give you everything you need to get better


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## RGD MIKE (May 24, 2011)

Maybe so. You are probably right. I shouldn't have jumped right back into life as fast as I did. But I didn't know what to do. And now I really don't know what to do. I don't think going back tithe hospital is an option, but talking to a counselor, what should I ask? How should I make it through these last tough weeks of school without giving up and breaking down? My girl will be gone in two weeks. What will I do then?


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## Thrashmanzac (May 24, 2011)

when you see the counciller you just need to talk to them, i have found that often when you start talking to someone in that sort of environment you find it hard to stop talking, which is a good thing as it might help both of you to understand what your going through. if you dont feel comfortable going by yourself you could always ask your gitl to come with you. honestly man you cant worry about high school atm, you just need to focus on getting yourself better.


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## RGD MIKE (May 24, 2011)

Thanks for the advice for the counselor. As for school, i'm not sure how to not worry about it. Perfection in school is expected of me. Dropping off the map for a few days because or my suicide attempt a week before finals hasn't been good for me.


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## Thrashmanzac (May 24, 2011)

im sure if the school were informed that you have severe depression there would be certain allowences they could make for you, and im sure they could keep it discreet as well. your life is worth ALOT more than possibly upsetting your school.
im sure you could get resits and/or special consideration for your situation.


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## RGD MIKE (May 24, 2011)

No, they haven't been notified, but alright.


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## nojyeloot (May 24, 2011)

RGD MIKE said:


> I have extremely severe depression(as told by a counselor i was forced to see by concerned friends), resulting from years of physical, emotional, and verbal abuse at home combined with other events, i haven't been truly happy in a very long time, except for going the occasional show i am allowed to to, and the happiness is gone and i take a pitfall as soon as i get back home. what do you guys do to cope with depression? When get so far along that you don't even have the desire to play guitar anymore? i feel like an empty soul. i don't eat, i don't play guitar much, i find it hard to sleep, and I barely make it through each day. what can i do? what do you guys do? thanks much.



Bro, I hurt for you. I can't imagine how tough this is for you. I pray that you will seek my Savior to heal your heart and fill what you feel is an empty soul.

I say these things by the power of my God and His word. He is a restorer.



> Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
> Matthew 11:28





> "I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,
> the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you."
> Joel 2:25





> "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."
> John 3:16





> 1 O Lord, I have come to you for protection;
> dont let me be disgraced.
> Save me, for you do what is right.
> 2 Turn your ear to listen to me;
> ...



PM me or Xiphos68 if you have any questions or prayer requests. I'll be praying for your burdens, bro.


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## jymellis (May 24, 2011)

i use medication.

you may have a chemical imbalance. go to real doc brother


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## Konfyouzd (May 24, 2011)

Semi joke: Aren't you the dude w/ the HILARIOUS mom? That video you posted definitely helped me out when I was having a bad day... 

On a more serious note this is a pretty delicate question... A lot of the time when I'm feeling down I try to find a way to view my situation objectively. What is making me unhappy? How do I get rid of it?

I know it's always easier said than done, but the mind is capable of overcoming just about any earthly obstacle you can throw at it. Just try to take life one day at a time. Rome wasn't built in a night. 

Do you feel like the counselling you underwent was helpful in any way? What did you like about it? What didn't you like about it? Perhaps you shoud shop around for therapists. I'm sure some may be better suited for your than others. If nothing else you've got ppl here you can talk to. I'd guess the majority of us aren't professional head shrinkers but you've trusted us enough thus far... Gotta count for something, right? 

Take care, homie.


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## RGD MIKE (May 24, 2011)

Konfyouzd said:


> Semi joke: Aren't you the dude w/ the HILARIOUS mom? That video you posted definitely helped me out when I was having a bad day...
> 
> On a more serious note this is a pretty delicate question... A lot of the time when I'm feeling down I try to find a way to view my situation objectively. What is making me unhappy? How do I get rid of it?
> 
> ...



Yes that is me. The video was her. 

On the objective thoughts, yes. I spend hours awake in bed at night trying to figure out what I did wrong or what could have caused what is going on. I never can come to a conclusion. 

I'm not sure the one counseling appt I went through was helpful because my mom canceled the follow up appointment a few days after the first one because I wasn't happy so I don't know. I surely am going to have to go to counseling now because of what I did last Tuesday, so Maybe we will see.


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## Konfyouzd (May 24, 2011)

> ... trying to figure out what I did wrong


 
I would not encourage you to think of things this way. A lot of the things you mentioned in your original post like the abuse and what not couldn't have been your fault although it certainly conditions a person to think so.


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## Overtone (May 24, 2011)

Do you have any good friends? Maybe spend the rest of the school year crashing at their place and then find a way to pay for your own place (w/ roommates if necessary) after that. I actually think that your parents need counseling just as much as you do. Their actions suggest that they have an unrealistic understanding of the situation and need someone to bring them down to earth and explain how things are. It will help them understand what you're going through, and what they can do. Maybe once you bridge the gap things will be easier, but until then I think it's not a bad idea to get out of the house. After all, what are graduation and girlfriends next to the rest of your life? You're hardly the only one to lose their lover to circumstances... life goes on, things get better at some point. Don't ever despair.


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## RGD MIKE (May 24, 2011)

Alright. Losing her is not the driving force in my depression, but more of an extra weight. I really don't think I can get out of the house. My best friend lives 30 minutes away in a full house. I need to rough it out here for the next year. 

I try to figure out what I do wrong because I have been blamed for everything for so long I believe it. I really do.


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## Konfyouzd (May 24, 2011)

^ I've said it before and I'll say it again... Don't believe the hype.


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## ghostred7 (May 24, 2011)

I haven't read others' replies yet as I want this to be unbiased and from the heart. Stuff I'm about to say, not even some of my closer personal friends know....

I'm 37 y/o and have been dealing with low self-esteem and depression almost my entire life, even up til recently (AND PTSD after Bosnia). I used to have to take meds (and have been through several: Prozac, Zyprexa, etc). 

I got into the depression heavily again after my divorce and recently when my musical "rut" kicked into overdrive (just before I bought the Loomis FR). 

What's worked for me is having a strong support core. I've made friends in RL and on-line that have been sounding boards for me. **NOTHING** is stronger than a support network, even meds. They help the chemical piece, but if you leave yourself w/out a support network, they only go so far.

Ironically, what's helped me out of my depression is one of the things that assisted in putting me there (the PTSD triggers). Seeing what I saw to trigger that (mass grave sites which included remains of women & children) definitely reassured me that there are others out there in MUCH worse shape than me, even with as little as I think of myself.

For me, even coming here depressed me at first. Being a guitarist of 20+ years and having people play so far beyond personal capability that weren't even born when starting to play, ate at my self-esteem beyond comparison. 

I'm not going to sugar-coat, but keep traveling down the road to your personal happiness. it's a long, bumpy, and difficult one.....BUT....I can assure you that once you finally get there, you'll be thankful you stayed the course. There IS hope. There IS promise. There IS retribution. Only you can figure out what is needed to achieve this. Only you can make it happen. It doesn't mean you can't ask others for help, and I'd highly encourage you to do so. 

I finally found a woman that has stuck with me through ALL of my funk and basically when I'd start slipping and self-esteem issues would arise, she very bluntly told me something along the lines of "Fuck off....If you were actually like you were saying, I wouldn't be with you and there wouldn't be anyone out there that'd care enough to help...so fucking get over it." (Paraphrased, but damn near.....love that girl LOL).

I care. I'm sure there's people on here that care (based on the responses). Seeing how it seems that a lot of your funk is coming from an abusive background and family...eventually you can break free of that. Save up $$, find a roommate, GTFO of there. Yes, I know it's harder to do than it seems in writing. Take what little energy you do have, and go out, get your soul back, strive on your own, and shove your success down the throats of those that put you in this place. You deserve NOTHING LESS. Abusers do so to hold power over someone....nothing is more gratifying than seeing them still miserable after your personal triumph....that in itself is worth the battle.

Good luck and hang in there.....want it and you shall have it.

Goddess bless.


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## cycloptopus (May 24, 2011)

Perfectionism can be your worst enemy. Self Esteem based on it can work against you. I've seen it called "Other Esteem". Basically it's your esteem based on your accomplishments, or lack thereof, which isn't real. True Self Esteem is unconditional love for yourself. If you fuck up, so fucking what. Plenty of people that are our friends aren't perfect and we still like hanging out with them, right? Google stuff on Self Esteem, perfectionism, co-dependency. I found a few books that showed a lot of light on everything for me and how I have viewed the world based on how my father and his stupid beliefs molded me. Your Mom probably tells you that you can't do anything right. (i saw your vid, she is def not giving you healthy self esteem) I can relate. 

Counseling is a good thing with the right therapist. For me, finding sites and books have helped a lot too. 

I wish you all the luck in the world. It's tough, but when you learn what you need to help you, it will lighten the load and all can be well. The brain is a powerful thing. Perspective and beliefs are everything.


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## ShadyDavey (May 24, 2011)

RGD MIKE said:


> Alright. Losing her is not the driving force in my depression, but more of an extra weight. I really don't think I can get out of the house. My best friend lives 30 minutes away in a full house. I need to rough it out here for the next year.
> 
> I try to figure out what I do wrong because I have been blamed for everything for so long I believe it. I really do.



I've been there amigo, and also received the mug and T-shirt........I'm nearly 41 and I suffer from a constant, repetitive vicious circle of depression, self-doubt, self-hate and various other trauma. I'm not coping particularly well myself but I'll try to give you my perspective in the hope that it may be of benefit.

First, and most important - you're not alone. There are people here, there are real life friends, there are official agencies you can turn to - perhaps they don't all fulfill all of the criteria one would immediately assign to a "support" unit but each one will have something undeniably unique to offer - don't ever feel ashamed to take whatever happens to be on offer to help you get through this difficult period in your life. 

Feel that stinging feeling in the back of your neck? That's pride fucking with you......well fuck pride 

Second - a part of coping with depression is breaking the circle and/or learning coping mechanisms. If your depression is bought on by certain circumstances or stimuli learn to avoid them, or deal with them as appropriate - don't EVER feel powerless to confront your concerns because that throws up all sorts of self-doubt from the murky reaches of your subconscious that you simply don't need in your life. Once more, don't be afraid to communicate or to ask questions, or to seek help. 

Regardless of the form that help takes (medications, advice, diet, exercise, counseling) you have to view it as a part of a whole - the whole being your, for want of a better word, salvation - you are what matters here, so don't worry about the opinions and criticisms of others. 

Third - you've done nothing wrong that I can see. Sometimes shit happens and it simply isn't your fault......not everyone can be strong all the time, and sooner or later most people need a helping hand. You're evidently not a bad person, you're just going through some hard times.....you don't need to compound that with self-recriminations. 

Hang in there dude, things do and will get better.


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## ShadyDavey (May 24, 2011)

cycloptopus said:


> Perfectionism can be your worst enemy. Self Esteem based on it can work against you. I've seen it called "Other Esteem". Basically it's your esteem based on your accomplishments, or lack thereof, which isn't real. True Self Esteem is unconditional love for yourself. If you fuck up, so fucking what. Plenty of people that are our friends aren't perfect and we still like hanging out with them, right? Google stuff on Self Esteem, perfectionism, co-dependency. I found a few books that showed a lot of light on everything for me and how I have viewed the world based on how my father and his stupid beliefs molded me. Your Mom probably tells you that you can't do anything right. (i saw your vid, she is def not giving you healthy self esteem) I can relate.
> 
> Counseling is a good thing with the right therapist. For me, finding sites and books have helped a lot too.
> 
> I wish you all the luck in the world. It's tough, but when you learn what you need to help you, it will lighten the load and all can be well. The brain is a powerful thing. Perspective and beliefs are everything.



Really solid advice and something I need to deal with myself - rep for you good sir!


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## XEN (May 24, 2011)

Mike, I've been down that road. The pills, the hospitals, the shrinks, the abuse.

I'm not going to bother with any tired clichés like "It'll all get better"
In my case it didn't get better for a long time. It took nearly 20 years of pure hell, including a failed marriage, a period of homelessness, and a fatal blow to my music career, to get far enough past all of that to be functional.

I still struggle with it today and I'm in my 40s. I barely pick up the guitar for weeks or months on end, even though it's the one true passion in my life.

I honestly don't know how to be happy.

Chronic depression sucks. It's one of the many byproducts or companion features of Asperger Syndrome.

Some good things have happened along the way despite myself though: I remarried, I have a son, I have a great job, I have some nice gear - yeah, for the most part it just sits there, but it looks really nice....

What it boiled down to for me was that even though the bad outweighed the good I decided not to give a rat's ass about it.

I don't like being alive, but it's a prerequisite for being able to experience some of the things I do like - good food, cool movies, good conversation, good music, sex...

I can't promise you that things will get better, but I guarantee that things will change!

Once you're old enough to get out of the house and on your own DO IT. I moved out at 18 and have never looked back.

If you want to talk shoot me a pm.


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## RGD MIKE (May 26, 2011)

I went to counseling today. I am being referred to a psychiatrist for medication. I am ordering myself a vader 4x12 tomorrow and I am not even excited. Meh.


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## Overtone (May 26, 2011)

Hope things start to get better for you. Remember with the meds that it does help but it's no reason not to ALSO work on the mental side of things to learn how to think positive. People can change the way they think as long as they are persistent and have a good way of going about it. Anger management is a great example... people learn to just say "Fuck it, this shouldn't bother me so much" and eventually calm down and enjoy life more. And you're still young... give things time... you'll find that once in a while you'll have moments of enlightenment where you learn something about yourself and are able to let go of emotional baggage that you never even knew you were carrying around. Anyway, regardless of my thoughts on things that could help, I truly wish you the best and hope that you'll find your way to a situation where you both feel better emotionally and feel like you are where you want to be in life.


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## RGD MIKE (May 31, 2011)

I almost did it again today. I had the house to myself for hours and I came very close to pushing the blade all the way through when backed off because I realized it would be messy. I threw the blade away(the last one I had, therest along with dangerous medications were removed from the house). There is just now way out is there?


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## Thrashmanzac (May 31, 2011)

the way out is to seek help mate, you can and will beat this, you cant just give up


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## RGD MIKE (May 31, 2011)

brutalwizard said:


> dude this sucks, but cheer up just one piece of your gear costs more the most of my setup.
> 
> you have a job i assume(and if you dont atleast your douchebag parents buy you vadar cabs and ect) , do good in school, and a women although she is leaving, time to hit up some new ones. you have a band that jams probably weekly. and your almost 18.
> 
> ...



Thanks. I hope to get better, but i just can't seem to get past it at this point in time


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## RGD MIKE (May 31, 2011)

I think I have bipolar...


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## Overtone (May 31, 2011)

brutalwizard said:


> your almost an adult, there is no reason to be scared of your parents. even if they say they will burn your gear, WHAT THE FUCK IS GEAR WORTH COMPARED TO YOUR OWN WELL-being?



This... and it goes beyond just parents... if the alternative is death shouldn't you be willing to try whatever it takes for you to be able to feel positive about your life? If you are willing to give up life itself you should be willing to give up money, interpersonal relations, literally anything in pursuit of your ideal... risk it all so to speak. You might as well make yourself a pack and hit the road for whatever destiny awaits you... I've met some people who've been doing that for decades... while they don't have money or family they are interesting people who don't spend time complaining about their lives, which is more than can be said for a lot of "successful" people. I'm not saying become "a homeless person"... you could join the army, try to find a farm that will trade you room and board for a hard day's work, or who knows what else. There's always a choice...


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## RGD MIKE (May 31, 2011)

Overtone said:


> This... and it goes beyond just parents... if the alternative is death shouldn't you be willing to try whatever it takes for you to be able to feel positive about your life? If you are willing to give up life itself you should be willing to give up money, interpersonal relations, literally anything in pursuit of your ideal... risk it all so to speak. You might as well make yourself a pack and hit the road for whatever destiny awaits you... I've met some people who've been doing that for decades... while they don't have money or family they are interesting people who don't spend time complaining about their lives, which is more than can be said for a lot of "successful" people. I'm not saying become "a homeless person"... you could join the army, try to find a farm that will trade you room and board for a hard day's work, or who knows what else. There's always a choice...



I realize that life is more important than gear and everything. i just couldnt justify calling child services because i know that would be worse than it is here. they are starting to treat me marginally better since my attempted suicide that landed me in the hospital for a couple of days a week and a half ago. and the military wont take someone with my problems. but thanks for the help. i am gonna try and rough it out.


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## Overtone (Jun 1, 2011)

Hang in there man! Sometimes you do have to wait for your opportunity. Kind of a dumb movie to think about, but I remember one time my sister made an analogy to 8 Mile when I was having some problems where I was working at the time. She told me that in the movie because he's a white rapper with no name he basically has to take shit for a while until he's actually proven himself but once he puts in the time he eventually gets the recognition. So in other words you can't always be the hero right off that bat, sometimes you have to be patient and calculated and just wait it out. Whatever happens you know we hope you'll make it through ok.


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## sage (Jun 3, 2011)

At 17, you've probably got about a year until you graduate. Then you can move out, get a job, do your own thing. You'll have plenty of time to play shows with your band once you're your own boss.

Until then, I would imagine that your abusive mother taking you to a psychiatrist is probably not likely. Eat thrice daily, exercise, play with your band, study, do well in school. 

And this may sound pat, but make sure you laugh some and try to appreciate what is good in the world. Whenever I'm feeling down, Win! helps a lot.


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## RGD MIKE (Jun 4, 2011)

Thanks guys. And I want everyone to know I am not depressed because I can't play shows or anything like that, that just adds to it. 


Today I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Knowing that my birthmom had bipolar(I am adopted) and that she abandoned me, I am kinda scared. Because the depressive episodes keep getting worse. I don't want to try to kill myself again, but what will happen? I have been manic for a week now, and my girl friend just moved 700 miles away today and I couldn't even feel sad. I have a feeling once this manic episode is over I am going to crash extremely hard.


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## K-Roll (Jun 4, 2011)

Stealthtastic said:


> I think it's really important to keep in mind that depression is a chemical problem. It's NOT your fault. Adjusting your diet can help a lot. I had a neighbor with severe depression and I could tell when she'd been following her diet or not because her depression would get worse within a few days.



+1..its a chemical issue


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## Anton (Jun 4, 2011)

Hey dude, Sorry you cant train anymore due to your wrestling injury.

BUT! always remember, never give up keep pushing forward and fight against anything that life puts ahead of you, if you get to a wall and you cant climb it you know what to do? break that motherfucker down!!
*Your life is the most important thing*, no matter what anybody tells you no matter what you think, never let anybody put you down or make you feel like you're not NO1!

Continue getting counseling and you'll get better! 
You're gonna graduate soon and you can move to a healthier environment and you'll back on track.


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## RGD MIKE (Jun 4, 2011)

Thanks. I hope when I get the bipolar medication at the end of the month that it will help. Before the cycles get worse.


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## Guitarmiester (Jun 7, 2011)

RGD MIKE said:


> I try to figure out what I do wrong because I have been blamed for everything for so long I believe it. I really do.



It's really easy to blame yourself, which makes things that much worse. It's tough, but you need to find the strength to see past leaving the fault on yourself. Nobody is perfect. That doesn't mean you're to blame for every little thing though. 

This is way easier said than done, but you really need to strive for making changes for a better future. Don't set big goals off the bat. Start with some small things that you know you can achieve if you put the necessary effort into. It's the little victories that will matter most, as they're key for the big picture.


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## RGD MIKE (Jun 8, 2011)

Well I cut for the first time in a month in a half tonight. I am no longer manic(only lasted about 10 days), and am as depressed the second day of this one as I was the second month of my last depressive episode. Like the doctors said, these are gonna get worse and worse every time. I am scared guys. I don't know how bad this one is gonna get if the last one I nearly succeeded in killing myself


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## Thrashmanzac (Jun 8, 2011)

thing get worse before they get better man, when i started my meds the first couple of weeks were really really hard, but after that it got increasingly better and better, just hang in there mate, itll get better soon


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## flo (Jun 8, 2011)

Mike, I just want to let you know that I'm checking this thread almost every day, to know how you're doing. Can't give you any smart advice though, only want to let you know that people actually read what you're posting here and are interested in how things develop.


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## RGD MIKE (Jun 8, 2011)

Thrashmanzac said:


> thing get worse before they get better man, when i started my meds the first couple of weeks were really really hard, but after that it got increasingly better and better, just hang in there mate, itll get better soon



I don't get meds until after june 21st but I hope you're right 



flo said:


> Mike, I just want to let you know that I'm checking this thread almost every day, to know how you're doing. Can't give you any smart advice though, only want to let you know that people actually read what you're posting here and are interested in how things develop.



Thanks for that. that's pretty cool. i hope things turn out well.


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## darren (Jun 8, 2011)

Why is it taking so long for you to get meds?


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## Ryan-ZenGtr- (Jun 8, 2011)

Personally, I'd advise against taking psycho active drugs. Affecting your mind's chemical balance WILL change your personality and they are addictive and hard to retire from.

People I know who are diagnose Bipolar take lithium and prozac. Trouble is, how do you know if it is an mental illness damaging you or a pharmacological cocktail?

I've seen close friends devolved into will less zombies through prozac giving for quitting smoking... When dosed up, they would do anything asked of them, agree with anything and do as they were told. It's a big change to observe in previously strong willed people.


Here's the first interesting video I found on Lithium:



I was looking for a specific video on Prozac, where a wife was doped up with it and the husband thought "She is not the woman I married".


Here is the first video I found regarding Bipolar (random info to start your research)




As a final thought, there is nothing unique or special about not being especially happy and chipper every minute of every day. Life is meant to be a challenge full of surprises so that you can learn about yourself.

As the guys have said: Get busy!

Keeping yourself occupied is the cure to all that ails any one! 

On eating fresh food, watch the series if you haven't seen it. Through foods and drugs people can be easily contorted into an overactive state. Avoid heavily sugared food and drinks, we all know what that stuff does to little kids (makes them hyper active, right?  ).

YouTube - &#x202a;Jamie&#39;s Food Revolution Hits Hollywood&#x202c;&rlm;


I could go on about why I think Psychiatry (giving drugs to nutters  ) is a fraud, but I'll give you something to start you off. Do some research on Nietzsche, the forefather of modern psychology (theory of the human mind).



Try to research him to understand his followers, Freud and Jung, who founded modern psychology...

If you want to talk to these people, you need to understand their weapons. I've seen psychologist friends tear people apart with deep questions, revealing their innermost secrets, most of which they didn't even acknowledge to themselves. And, yes, knowing the most painful personal problems can be therapeutic but it is not much fun.

Good luck and don't take life so seriously! 


*funny metal music! *


To those who have taken/are taking prescription medication: I mean no offence with my anti-drug comments, if you feel they have genuinely helped you I'd certainly be interested to read about it. I wonder if I'll get as much neg rep from this post as I did for saying ebony fingerboards are better than rosewood fingerboards 

*read my neg reps to find out more!*


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## RGD MIKE (Jun 8, 2011)

darren said:


> Why is it taking so long for you to get meds?



I'm not sure. it sucks though. shit got really really bad at home tonight where my mom came out and said she thinks i am just an attention getter and and that's all the suicide attempt was and that bipolar diagnosis is bullshit and i am just a spoiled brat. i seriously thought things were gonna be different this time. the supportiveness for the past two weeks, the niceness, i really thought things were gonna change. i was so positive. thinking maybe last night was just a stress thing. but to find out tonight it was all a lie, all an act...


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## RGD MIKE (Jun 8, 2011)

Ryan-ZenGtr- said:


> Personally, I'd advise against taking psycho active drugs. Affecting your mind's chemical balance WILL change your personality and they are addictive and hard to retire from.
> 
> People I know who are diagnose Bipolar take lithium and prozac. Trouble is, how do you know if it is an mental illness damaging you or a pharmacological cocktail...




Thanks. as for medications, I am going by what the psychiatrist said. if un treated, the episodes get worse and worse. I am trying to get things a little more under control, or I will probably end up dead eventually.


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## darren (Jun 8, 2011)

My mom had undiagnosed bipolar disorder for years. It was probably 10-15 years before she was even diagnosed and started getting help. And even after she was diagnosed, it took just as long to find the right combination of prescriptions to get her moods to stabilize. This was only after she got a new doctor who looked at her condition and what she had been prescribed, and the doctor said, "Let's double your dose." And that was the key after nearly 30 years of suffering and unknowingly (and unwillingly) dragging the whole family through it, particularly my dad. 

But as hard as it was, we never gave up, we knew she needed help, and she got our undying love and support the whole way. 

Stay positive, keep a VERY open line of communication with your doctor(s) and follow their instructions to the letter. 

Hang in there. Stick with it. It gets better.


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## RGD MIKE (Jun 9, 2011)

darren said:


> My mom had undiagnosed bipolar disorder for years. It was probably 10-15 years before she was even diagnosed and started getting help. And even after she was diagnosed, it took just as long to find the right combination of prescriptions to get her moods to stabilize. This was only after she got a new doctor who looked at her condition and what she had been prescribed, and the doctor said, "Let's double your dose." And that was the key after nearly 30 years of suffering and unknowingly (and unwillingly) dragging the whole family through it, particularly my dad.
> 
> But as hard as it was, we never gave up, we knew she needed help, and she got our undying love and support the whole way.
> 
> ...



Interesting. Thanks. I'm glad you guys supported her. I don't know what that feels like.


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## Overtone (Jun 9, 2011)

You shouldn't take your doctor's word for it when they say it will only get worse and worse... they don't know that, think positive! And yes, it will take time for the medicine's effects. In fact, the brain's chemicals that are involved are affected over weeks not hours or days. Even things like getting really good sleep for 2 weeks straight can have a massive impact on your emotional state and brain chemistry. Wherever you can create balance in your life, it's important that you do. The food and exercise is also really important for that matter. Given the amount of distress you have I think that it takes the combined approach of the meds, eating better, sleeping better, and also some kind of self exploration to learn what creates disharmony in your life. Like I was referring to earlier, there are some fucked up things in everybody's lives, and when you get older you become aware of them and it can really do a number on you. It actually takes some work to know how you really feel about some things.


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## RGD MIKE (Jun 12, 2011)

Overtone said:


> You shouldn't take your doctor's word for it when they say it will only get worse and worse... they don't know that, think positive! And yes, it will take time for the medicine's effects. In fact, the brain's chemicals that are involved are affected over weeks not hours or days. Even things like getting really good sleep for 2 weeks straight can have a massive impact on your emotional state and brain chemistry. Wherever you can create balance in your life, it's important that you do. The food and exercise is also really important for that matter. Given the amount of distress you have I think that it takes the combined approach of the meds, eating better, sleeping better, and also some kind of self exploration to learn what creates disharmony in your life. Like I was referring to earlier, there are some fucked up things in everybody's lives, and when you get older you become aware of them and it can really do a number on you. It actually takes some work to know how you really feel about some things.



I am not taking my doctors word for it alone, it has been what i have experienced. but thanks. I am trying to find myself, and it is hard when my home situation deteriorates further and further. I am struggling convincing myself to keep myself alive, but i will try very hard.


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## Ryan-ZenGtr- (Jun 12, 2011)

Mike, we're with you brother!

Watch all the videos I linked. That'll keep you busy for 20 hours + !!! 

I saw the video with your mom which you posted. From what your saying here, I hope I cause no offence, but I think it's your mom that should be talking with anger management people, not you! 


Don't let people around you bring ya down 


I have a good friend who had a lot of problems. He did "outrageous things to get attention", mostly self harm and maybe an attempt, but it's all secret, even now years later. He was mixed up until his 20's, becoming comfortable with himself nearer his 30's.

He never knew his father, didn't meet him until he was 28...

Basically, don't do anything hasty!

I know a few people who took their own lives and it was NOT fair to their friends and families...

PM the guys that offered to chat on this thread!!! 

things take time.


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## Overtone (Jun 13, 2011)

RGD MIKE said:


> I am trying to find myself, and it is hard when my home situation deteriorates further and further.



It's not an easy process, and it takes time, but it's worth it because once you've made progress it'll be easier to cope with a lot of things. It's something many people don't ever end up doing, but for the ones who do life takes on new dimensions and meanings.


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## Konfyouzd (Jun 13, 2011)

It's really interesting how ppl take things... I had a pretty "dysfunctional" (it's relative I know) home life growing up and I wouldn't say it's depressed me, per se. Instead it just caused me to be emotionally detached in a lot of situations which has made me quite the introvert--my peers say "anti-social." 

I don't think this is any more healthy. It was just an interesting observation.


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## Nyx Erebos (Jun 14, 2011)

Konfyouzd said:


> It's really interesting how ppl take things... I had a pretty "dysfunctional" (it's relative I know) home life growing up and I wouldn't say it's depressed me, per se. Instead it just caused me to be emotionally detached in a lot of situations which has made me quite the introvert--my peers say "anti-social."
> 
> I don't think this is any more healthy. It was just an interesting observation.



Yes to that. 

When I was younger my parents didn't understand me. I mean we each think in different ways. When I was acting in a way that they disapproved they talked to me quite badly. It just made me feel angry and although I never wanted to hurt me, I wanted to hurt them.

A day I thout a bit about it and came to a conclusion that there were just words. From that point each time my parents got irritated on me I just took a deep breath and said to myself "why should I care ?".

When you come to this state of mind you can chose wether or not to consider seriously what someone is telling you, and not just to accept it as the truth.

As Konfyouzd said it's being emotionnaly detached.

And personally I wouldn't advise you to go away of your house unless you have a good financial support. Just live the way you want and if your mother has a problem with that just listen and if you don't find what she says useful... consider it as useless 

Oh and I almost forgot, if you feel bad, just sit for a few minutes in the silence, breath slowly, listen to your heart beat and then...

BEAT DA HELL OUT OF YA GEETAH


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## RGD MIKE (Jun 14, 2011)

Nyx Erebos said:


> Yes to that.
> 
> When I was younger my parents didn't understand me. I mean we each think in different ways. When I was acting in a way that they disapproved they talked to me quite badly. It just made me feel angry and although I never wanted to hurt me, I wanted to hurt them.
> 
> ...



Thanks. I try. It's hard. I am trying to take everything said to me less seriously, it's just the constant barrage and when you are forced to live those things that you forget that they are just words. This last week has been really really bad


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## K3V1N SHR3DZ (Jun 14, 2011)

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns






I work in a mental hospital, and this book is highly recommended by our top psychologist.


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## RGD MIKE (Jun 20, 2011)

today is the day i go to the psychiatrist for medication. i really hope good comes out of this.


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## Konfyouzd (Jun 20, 2011)

Best of luck to you.


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## RGD MIKE (Jun 20, 2011)

what happened is he asked to talk to parents before he talked to me. then he barely talked to me or asked me questions, and threw a brand new medication at us. then my mom used it as an excuse to blame EVERYTHING on me. She never did anything, it was all in my head, i am only to blame, she says. i feel more trapped than ever


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## Gryphon (Jun 20, 2011)

kgad0831 said:


> Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I've read it, long read, but I'd recommend it to anyone.


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## asmegin_slayer (Jun 21, 2011)

So I read/skimmed through the whole thing and this is what I can summarize for the most part:
-Your 17
-Depressed or bipolar
-2 failed attempts of suicide
-Likes to post all of this life threatening situations on the site

Honestly man, I think your an attention whore and doing it the wrong way. Or it could be that your wanting love and acceptance from your mother?

Well your mother does love you, no matter what. But finding acceptance from your family will never work if that's just what your looking for. You need to know what you want to do with your life, don't find acceptance from her, find acceptance for yourself!

Forget about your girl, there are other fishes out there to explore and get influenced by. *Grow some balls*, get a job, save, go to school or gtfo out of town and start your own life.
Moving with friends will help for awhile, but eventually you'll want to branch out by yourself.

Start thinking and doing more positive things for yourself:
-Push yourself to be better at the guitar
-Eat properly
-Workout
-Meet smart and interesting people (online and offline)
-Avoid thinking anything negative

Steve jobs and his three stories of his life
www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc


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## RGD MIKE (Jun 21, 2011)

asmegin_slayer said:


> So I read/skimmed through the whole thing and this is what I can summarize for the most part:
> -Your 17
> -Depressed or bipolar
> -2 failed attempts of suicide
> ...



I'm sorry i post things here, for people i will never know, never see, etc. I wouldn't call this attention whoring, but maybe i did post some things to update the situation, and sometimes to talk about it. but attention, i don't care for. thanks for the other advice.


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## asmegin_slayer (Jun 21, 2011)

RGD MIKE said:


> I'm sorry i post things here, for people i will never know, never see, etc. I wouldn't call this attention whoring, but maybe i did post some things to update the situation, and sometimes to talk about it. but attention, i don't care for. thanks for the other advice.



Its cool that your wanting to find some kind of help, but to me honestly its as if you don't want to be helped, or you want someone else to do it for you. 

If you want something so bad you have to WANT it! Your only 17 with so many opportunities ahead of you. Yet your still thinking of stupid shit that shouldn't matter. There are other people from different countries that deal with shit that is unreal here in the US on a daily basis.

Wurd 2 yo motha!

YouTube - &#x202a;JD Schramm: Break the silence for suicide survivors&#x202c;&rlm;


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## SnowfaLL (Jun 22, 2011)

Sounds shitty.. im feeling somewhat depressed lately and what hope I have solely comes from what my goals are in life.. what do I want to achieve, and what can I do to achieve "happiness".. Its a hard question and ive spent 3 weeks thinking about it and still dont have a 100% answer, but least it makes me feel like life has a purpose.

So figure out what it is you want to do, and try working hard towards that goal. If its music, then do a shit ton of recording/writing/practicing/etc if your mother doesnt let you leave the house often..

Honestly, you should have a talk with your mother, as hard as it is, and tell her what shes done to you and that you are super depressed because of it.. Tell her what your dream of life is (if it is like playing music) and how important it is for you to play music shows.. maybe she'll finally get it through her thick skull. No child should feel mentally and verbally abused by their parents.


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## Justin Bailey (Jun 22, 2011)

I've been there, in fact, I am there. All I can say is keep up with your doctor and don't give up. If you need someone to talk to my pm box is always open. Keep your mind of bad thoughts as much as you can.


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## asmegin_slayer (Jun 22, 2011)

I'm just curious because you didn't give enough detail as far as what your mother did to you. What kind of physical/verbal abuse are you talking about?

Is she mocking you for no reason or does she have a reason to do it?
Did she hit you for no reason or did she have a reason to do it?


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## Overtone (Jun 22, 2011)

Your doctor sounds like an ass-face. Maybe he sees much worse patients and thinks he can deal with you easily, but it always pisses me off when doctors don't take the time to be real with their patients.


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## sunbasket (Jun 22, 2011)

I'd like to throw in my 2 cents and definitely stress that depression is a chemical problem, and that diet can help immensely. It's only until just recently, I feel like I have moved past the fog. It was a dietary change that has helped. 

The current diet based on grains and sugars is completely foreign to the human body, and may be responsible for most of the diseases and ailments that we face today (diabetes, heart disease, depression, ADD, obesity, alzheimer's, cancers, etc etc etc). 


The main thing I did was remove all sugar from my diet. This includes fruit (exempting an occasional apple). I also decreased my carbohydrate intake to about 5% of my daily intake. It's going to sound crazy but the other 95% is composed of 65% fat and 30% protein. 

It's a modified Atkins diet called Keto and all I know is I feel excellent on it. The idea is to induce a mechanism called ketosis, in which your body looks to fat first for energy.

Not only do I feel more focused clear-headed, I feel less irritable, I've lost a ton of water weight I couldn't shake even going to the gym a lot. I feel full after a meal, don't have to snack, and don't feel guilty about eating a ton of bacon, avocado, cream cheese, etc. Reminder that you do have to eat a lot of leafy greens to stay regular.

It hasn't been that crazy of a commitment for me, because I never had a sweet tooth (ice cream, chocolate). And though I do love my beer, there are other options. Stress no sweets and no grains.

Joseph Arcita: A Guide to Ketosis


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## Overtone (Jun 22, 2011)

I did that diet (more or less) and not only did I lose weight fast, but I felt ACE the whole time. Even my sinus problems went away. I don't do it any more, but the thing I noticed is that eating a "normal" diet you can attain fullness without really taking in much actual nutrition. The key for me was that I ended up replacing foods like bread with some very healthful sources of fiber, like dark greens, bell peppers, tomatoes, etc.. I still try to make sure that I'm relying on the good food for most of my energy and feeling full.


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## Black_Sheep (Jul 17, 2011)

RGD MIKE said:


> Sometimes i think it is my fault. I think everything is my fault a lot of times. Does eating make a significant difference? maybe i'll force myself to eat. I have been going on one meal a day for a while with nothing else and no desire to eat or drink.



I've been quite depressed lately. And for a long time actually. 

And at somepoint i discovered that i was eating even when i was not at all hungry. I didn't eat all the time of course, i didn't have an obsession towars eating. For example if i was about to watch a movie, i automatically had to had something to eat while watching. Sounds stupid? Yes, it was, and i didn't even notice at first. 


It was like "wanna watch a movie? - Sure, i'll put some chicken in the oven!" 

These days i control my eating, and things have been better as well. Still depressed though, but less.


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