# 1,000,000 calorie lasagna (or some other food) - is it possible?



## groph (Feb 6, 2011)

After watching all of the Epic Meal Time videos today I was blown away by the 140,000 calorie burger those guys came up with. I think he said it weighed 50 pounds.

Immediately I thought to myself "I would be seriously impressed if they made a lasagna with 1,000,000 calories and got about 20 of those depressingly hot girls to mow into it"

I figured a lasagna dish would be a good way to go if one would try to break the legendary million calorie mark, or some kind of casserole where you can just add layer upon layer of excessive disgust. 

What would be the best way to go about doing this? Pasta on its own is fairly calorie dense, and of course meat and cheese are as well. I figured something like the Four Loko Chili those guys made might work for sauce, but bear in mind the vegetable content must be as low as possible since vegetables barely have any calories but they still take up space. The lasagna would probably be the size of a king size mattress in the end but efficiency of space should still be used. Meat of course must be maximized. This means maximum bacon, maximum bacon grease, and surely maximum beef. Layers of cheese should be like 5 inches thick, and my friend suggested the noodles be cooked in grease. Pure animal fat would also be a good way to go.

Lets seriously discuss how one would go about cooking a lasagna that contains 1,000,000 calories. How big would it be, how much would it weigh, how much would it cost, and what the hell would you cook it in? A wood kiln? I would be blown away if the Epic Meal Time guys could pull this off.


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## GuitaristOfHell (Feb 6, 2011)

Knowing epic meal time, if they did I would not be surprised.


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## Explorer (Feb 6, 2011)

Complete lack of fiber FTL.

The idea that those hot girls would then be locked/blocked into an epic game of Battleshits excites me not....


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## groph (Feb 6, 2011)

speak for yourself


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## Explorer (Feb 6, 2011)

I have no choice but to rep you for that.... *laugh*


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## Encephalon5 (Feb 6, 2011)

I still have trouble accepting that women poop.


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## The Somberlain (Feb 6, 2011)

Epic mealtime lasagna:

Layer 1: Bacon
Layer 2: Bacon
Layer 3: Bacon
Layer 4: Bacon
Layer 5: Bacon
...
Layer 1,000,000: Bacon

Sauce: Jack Daniels, Bacon Grease cream sauce.


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## TXDeathMetal (Feb 6, 2011)

Encephalon5 said:


> I still have trouble accepting that women poop.



Not true dude, guys shit and women poop, there IS a difference.


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## pink freud (Feb 7, 2011)

Encephalon5 said:


> I still have trouble accepting that women poop.



"But I poop from there!"

"Not right now you don't."


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## lookralphsbak (Feb 7, 2011)

Why have I never heard of Epic Mealtime! Many this is gold, I feel my arteries closing up already!


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## Prydogga (Feb 7, 2011)

Encephalon5 said:


> I still have trouble accepting that women poop.


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## Explorer (Feb 7, 2011)

pink freud said:


> "But I poop from there!"
> 
> "Not right now you don't."



Oh my god. Repping two people in a row in the same thread.... *laugh*


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## leandroab (Feb 7, 2011)

Lard Lasagna.

I want the 

Bacon Strips &
Bacon Strips &
Bacon Strips &
Bacon Strips &

shirt, btw!


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## Demiurge (Feb 7, 2011)

One million calories is a lot- seems hard to reach, especially in a home kitchen. To have a fighting-chance, you would need a commercial-sized oven and pan.

Consider the following:
-One lb lasagna noodles is only 1600 calories. This makes a 10X18" lasagna. Even if you make the lasagna 4 times as big (LXW) and two times as high, that's 8lb and 12,800 calories.
-Cheese is about 1600 calories per pound. Let's say you find a way to squeeze 6lbs of cheese into this, it's 9600 calories.
-Pepperoni is about 2000 calories per pound, bacon about 2400, Italian sausage about 2000. Perhaps you can do 8 pounds each since you have a kajillion layers to spread it out over. 16,000 pepperoni, 19,200 bacon, 16,000 sausage.
-Spaghetti sauce is about 250 calories per cup. A conventional lasagna takes about 2 cups. With 8lb of noodles and the additional meat and cheese, let's say that you use 20 cups. A paltry 5000 calories.

That comes to 78,600 calories. Weak. If you quadruple the bacon (+ 57,600) and pepperoni (+ 48,000), that brings you to 184,200. If you cram 6 triple Baconators into a food processor and make a layer out of the resulting caloric mush (6 X 1200 = 7200), you're at 191,400. Maybe you make 4 lbs of risotto (a lot of calories per square inch) and add a pound of cheese to it and use it as another layer agent. Risotto is 1800 calories per pound: 4 X 1800 + 1600, another 8800, bringing it up to 200,200 calories. At this point, it barely resembles lasagna and you're only 1/5 of the way there.


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## leandroab (Feb 7, 2011)

Demiurge said:


> One million calories is a lot- seems hard to reach, especially in a home kitchen. To have a fighting-chance, you would need a commercial-sized oven and pan.
> 
> Consider the following:
> -One lb lasagna noodles is only 1600 calories. This makes a 10X18" lasagna. Even if you make the lasagna 4 times as big (LXW) and two times as high, that's 8lb and 12,800 calories.
> ...



Holy fucking shit! oO


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## Skanky (Feb 7, 2011)

Yeah, 1,000,000 calories is damn near impossible for any kind of food which can be made in a residential kitchen, and it will cost you an arm and a leg.

Look at your BEST case for sheer weight:

LARD is 9.02 cal / g

so, 1000000 cal / 9.02 = 110,865 g needed

110,865 g = 244 lb!!!

That's right - if you used the food item with the MOST calories per weight... LARD... it would take 244 lb of it to reach your goal.

ANY other food item will simply require more weight than this.


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## meisterjager (Feb 7, 2011)

^ So I'm pretty much 1,000,000 calories then. Sweet.


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## Rook (Feb 7, 2011)

Skanky said:


> Yeah, 1,000,000 calories is damn near impossible for any kind of food which can be made in a residential kitchen, and it will cost you an arm and a leg.
> 
> Look at your BEST case for sheer weight:
> 
> ...



That's SMART


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## DVRP (Feb 7, 2011)

What you know about Bacon. Because of Epic Meal Time, its become a thing with my friends to get hammered and make fucked up shit. Last night they all got hammered for my friends bday and made a penis cake of hamburger.....It was scary.


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## Skanky (Feb 7, 2011)

Fun111 said:


> That's SMART




I is uh cawlege gradiate.


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## leandroab (Feb 7, 2011)

Fun111 said:


> That's SMART



Please tell me that was actually a reference to EMT!


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## Rook (Feb 7, 2011)

leandroab said:


> Please tell me that was actually a reference to EMT!



+1


Haha. I thought I was being funny, but nobody got it.

Watching to much EMT perhaps...

"BACON CASTLE TO KEEP ALL THE HATERS OUT"


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## Demiurge (Feb 7, 2011)

Skanky said:


> Yeah, 1,000,000 calories is damn near impossible for any kind of food which can be made in a residential kitchen, and it will cost you an arm and a leg.
> 
> Look at your BEST case for sheer weight:
> 
> ...



The 244 lard block will look good with basil sprinkled on top, I bet.


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## groph (Feb 7, 2011)

meisterjager said:


> ^ So I'm pretty much 1,000,000 calories then. Sweet.



Hate to say it man, but I think we're going to have to make some meisterjager lasagna then. Don't worry, we'll cover you in a nice candied bacon weave and fill your carcass with Jack Daniel's. And a ton of hot girls will eat you.

But seriously, Demiurge, thanks for the info. Maybe lasagna isn't the right way to go with this, then. What would a better kind of food to break the 1 million calorie mark be? Some sort of unholy shepherd's pie? Like, with whole livestock in it?


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## Demiurge (Feb 7, 2011)

groph said:


> But seriously, Demiurge, thanks for the info. Maybe lasagna isn't the right way to go with this, then. What would a better kind of food to break the 1 million calorie mark be? Some sort of unholy shepherd's pie? Like, with whole livestock in it?



As Skanky pointed-out, the smallest that a one-million-calorie food item can be is 244 pounds. At that point, you might as well start shooting for Guinness Book-sized stuff, like a quiche the size of an above-ground simming pool.


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## SirMyghin (Feb 7, 2011)

Demiurge said:


> As Skanky pointed-out, the smallest that a one-million-calorie food item can be is 244 pounds. At that point, you might as well start shooting for Guinness Book-sized stuff, like a quiche the size of an above-ground simming pool.




Just tell me when and where.


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