# Movies That Suck and Why



## groph (Jun 7, 2010)

Title says it all. List movies that you think suck total ass and give a brief explanation why so it isn't a bunch of boring lists and so we can have at least an intelligent flame war.

ALLOW ME TO DEMONSTRATE

1) Antichrist - Lars von Trier can suck it. I don't get this movie. Yeah, I get it that nature (or women, but this apparently wasn't Lars' aim) is the greatest evil out there, but that fucking talking fox was impossible not to laugh at. I followed the plot and all, but _I guess I don't appreciate independent film._

2) 2012 - The explosions and giant chasms are great. The three hours of trying to get a door on a boat to close properly and the nearly stock script/overall storyline sucked total ass.

3) Avatar - No, I am not just saying this to sound edgy. Complete overhype. Nothing about that movie blew me away. Yeah, the special effects were great (probably some of the best CGI ever) but nowadays special effects are fucking everywhere. The 3D part of the movie just gave me a headache. The plot was completely generic and there was absolutely nothing I haven't seen before. I can't believe people actually killed themselves over this monotonous children's story.

4) 300 - You read that correctly. Same as above. After the 4,000th Persian was tossed down a bottomless pit by a man in the throes of an agonizing hernia it started to get stale. Wasn't half as "OMGEPIC" as it was cracked up to be. People really shouldn't talk about movies until I see them. I did like the scene where Leonidas's wife shanks that dude.

5) Pearl Harbor - I want to see more dogfights and peeling skin. Not Ben Affleck making out with some chick draped in parachutes for 2 1/2 hours. The stuttering guy was kind of funny, but then again I was probably 12 when I saw that movie. When shit is blowing up, this movie rules. When the movie is blowing shit, it sucks.

6) Star Wars - Episode III - Hayden Christiansen needs to stop acting, or at least die. Don't get me wrong here, Star Wars is probably the greatest achievement of Western culture, but Hayden Christiansen is hands down the worst actor. Jar Jar Binks is less annoying.

7) Sky Captain And The World of Tomorrow - I don't really remember much of this movie, other than the fact that it was completely awful. I guess it's a repressed memory.

8) Passchendaele - This movie makes me ashamed that Paul Gross is Canadian. It nearly does a disservice to the men who went through that shit in the First World War. It has the typical moments in war movies where the soldiers are sitting in trenches getting all "why are we here fighting" philosophical, but when Paul tries this, it sounds like he's making it all up on the spot. Add in that stupid, stupid, stupid kid who joins up and gets himself killed in slow motion and you're left with a crappy war movie. At least someone gets hatcheted in the back of the head.

9) Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theatres or whatever the fuck it's formally called - The show is pretty good, but the movie suffers from TV Show Movie Syndrome, in which it sucks. The whole "lolrandom" humor is alright in 15 minute doses once or twice a month whenever you catch ATHF on TV, but the movie is far too overdone.

10) South Park - Bigger, Longer, and Uncut - Even though I'm flattered they attempted to honor my man parts with the title, the movie seemed to be like one of those early first or second season episodes where the show didn't really get all that funny yet but it's drawn out for a couple of hours, stitched onto a mediocre plot. It's not THAT bad, I'm just running out of bad movies I can think of.

/douchey movie critic


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## Bungle (Jun 7, 2010)

It's funny you should start this thread on the same day that I posted (what I feel) is a semi-intelligent argument on another forum about a film I'd seen recently and that I thought was terrifically shit.



Before I talk about the film I've just seen, let me start by saying that when I start to watch a film, even if I'm not getting in to it, or I think it's a shitty movie, I will still feel compelled to finish it. It's almost obsessive compulsive. A while back I started watching Missing In Action. It should go without saying it didn't get finished, which brings me to:

*The City Of Lost Children* (TCOLC)

Seriously. Words cannot describe the shitness of this film. At least with MIA it appeared as though they were _trying _to make the best film they could with the budget (and "actors") that they had, with TCOLC however, feels as though they are trying to make the shittest film possible.

The movie feels like a joke, and the butt of that joke I suspect are the people that praise it for being so arty and imaginative. My argument, is that it is not arty, it's just random shit for the sake of random shit to pass itself off as arty. Like the painting "Onement 1" by Barnett Newman.

I will admit the sets are fun to look at and there is a little bit of steampunk in some of the production design, which I thought was pretty sweet. And the siamese woman cooking dinner was well done. And it had Ron Perlman. Granted, it was Ron Perlman acting badly and speaking shitty French, but it was still Ron Perlman.

It also had a poor acting and a terrible story (a madman stealing babies dreams to prevent his premature aging). The other thing that irritated me to no end was that the film is set in a weird kind of backwards cartoon-like world that the film-makers make no attempt to explain. Is it set in the past? A post apocalyptic future? An alternate reality? Is it on another planet? I wouldn't mind the strange world the move is set in if there was an explanation as to what kind of strange world it was. For example, Star Wars; the first thing you see is "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away" which then allows you to flick the realism switch inside your brain to "off" and gives George Lucas the artistic licence to do pretty much whatever he wants. TCOLC does not do this though, and I spent almost the entire time trying to work out where and when the film was taking place, which just takes all the fun out.

In summary, my opinion is that you avoid this film. Avoid it like a lice infested, AIDS ridden plague rat.





groph said:


> Hayden Christiansen needs to stop acting


Dude. He never started


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## MFB (Jun 7, 2010)

I'm convinced 2012 was created only for the sake of an awesome drinking game


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## M3CHK1LLA (Jun 8, 2010)

*2012*
*clash of the titans - new ver (orig. still rocks)*
*transformers 2*
*all were too over the top! in order for a movie to be good it has to be believable - yes even sci fi has to be to make the story work. i love special effects but today that seems like thats what it is all about. no story really, nothing to make you understand or care for the main characters.*

*the thing i hated about these movies were they are too fast paced - they try to cram 3 movies into 2 hrs. it would be better to make a great film instead of seeing how much cg's could be packed in it.*

*and im sick of having someone nearly get killed and barely escape danger evey 5 min. in the movie. you are tense for the first 3-4 times but then you realize the good guys will make it out of the impossible situations cause the movie has only been on for 20 min. - anyone else notice this?*


*ps - robin hood was ok, no where near as epic as gladiator.*


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## Thep (Jun 8, 2010)

I completely agree about Avatar. Its like Pocahontas mixed with FernGully mixed with Halo. 

Hostel- laughable gore, idiotic plot, horrible acting, too much boobs (takes away the excitement scene after scene)

The Road- a post-apocalyptic movie (that doesn't tell how the world ended) where a father and son walk around (running if cannibals are nearby) and find food until the father dies. That was literally the entire movie. Too fucking long and monotonous.


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## jymellis (Jun 8, 2010)

alien versus predator the first one. i thought requim was pretty cool but the first one dissapointed me beyond words


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## MFB (Jun 8, 2010)

M3CHK1LLA said:


> *2012*
> *clash of the titans - new ver (orig. still rocks)*
> *transformers 2*
> *all were too over the top! in order for a movie to be good it has to be believable - yes even sci fi has to be to make the story work. i love special effects but today that seems like thats what it is all about. no story really, nothing to make you understand or care for the main characters.*
> ...



I found the new Clash of the Titans to be really well done, and I say that not because of whatever-her-name-is that play Io


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## jymellis (Jun 8, 2010)

the devils rejects. it was to me a long drawn out police chase with little to no action and a horrible ending


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## ralphy1976 (Jun 8, 2010)

2012, Avatar (same reason as OP), clash of the titans, Hellboy 2, Star Wars 1 to 3, to some extend the other 3, aliens 4, Terminator 3, Rambo 2 & 3, the jaws sequels, Wild Wild West...

On another note, i thought ninja assassin was totally bad ass!!!  fucking  they are everywhere!!!


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## Deadseen (Jun 8, 2010)

All of the above.-


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## MF_Kitten (Jun 8, 2010)

just about anything that is heavily advertised, i´d say. awesome trailers for shitty movies. i don´t like the movie industry these days. movies tend to have crap stories with simplicity just beyond that of a children´s movie, and rely entirely on stars and effects and razzle dazzle. most movies i can still enjoy just for the fact that it´s light entertainment, and i´m fine with that. what pisses me off is when a movie tries to be something else than that, and fails miserably. there´s always too much money involved.

an example of a movie you should never see: the premonition. just fuck right off with this. why?

spoiler alert!

it´s about sandra bullock travelling back and forth between weekdays, trying to solve some mystery. the first thing that happens in the movie is that her husband is killed in a car accident. then one day she wakes up and he´s alive again, because she went back in time to the beginning of the week. then she wakes up later in the week, and her kid has all sorts of facial wounds, and she´s like WTF, and then she wakes up a different day... you get the deal now? she tries to find out when things happened in the week and piece things together so she can stop it or something. then in the end she actually ends up CAUSING the accident that kills her husband. then comes the biiiig let-down: she talks to a fucking priest about it, and he´s like "yeah, sometimes these things happen, and you can´t really change it" and something else like that, and basically there was never anything to fix or alter. there was no mystery to solve. she couldn´t change it anyway. she just got fucking flung back and forth through motherfucking time for the hell of it, only to cause the accident that caused her to start being flung around time, and there was no reason. basically you´re left with a feeling of everything you´ve witnessed up until then being rendered invalid. seriously, that movie pissed me off so badly.

let´s move on.

m. night shyamalan movies used to be good. then he kept doing the same damn thing over and over again. i think that if you´ve never seen one of his films before, then any of his films can be enjoyable. but that´s about it. 6th sense: great. unbreakable: fantastic. signs: not too bad. the village: interesting. everything after that: OH COME ON! everything literally relies in there being a huge twist!

i think Avatar was pissed all over by the hype. it´s sad, because it´s actually a really awesome movie. is the storyline unique? no. it´s just really well executed. people were so dazzled by the effects that they blew the awesomeness of the movie out of proportion. it´s a good movie, it´s well executed, it´s fascinating to watch, and it performs all the emotional cues really well. Was it groundbreaking? no. it was just well done.

i don´t watch most movies when they come out, and most of them i still won´t watch ever.

when i saw A.I again the other day (it was on tv and i was bored a lil´), i realized just how cheezy that movie is. there are scenes that are laid out just to show off how awesome the effects are (at the time of course). it tries to come off as more serious than it´s own story. i like the idea, and if they hadn´t shat all over it (the result of too much money involved), it could´ve been a good movie. it´s a really sad movie, and it even has a really melancholic ending. it´s just a constant downhill of emotion (in a good way). the problem is that it was executed in the shittiest possible way. had it been a cartoon, it would´ve been much better. less money involved, less crap, less pretentiousness about how things look.


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## mikernaut (Jun 8, 2010)

Well it's all gonna come down to personal preferences and opinions. 

I could not disagree more with Bungle's review of City of the Lost Children, As it's one of my favorite movies. To me it was very mysterious, quirky and very creative. It kept me fascinated and entertained. Also foreign films can be quite different in execution, influence and storytelling.

Soo much better then the drivel Hollywood keeps churning out. 

Alot of people also pick on Avatar. yes, it's a simple straight forward premise. It's Cowboys vs Indians, the evils of human nature messing up mother nature for their own greed. etc. 

But you also gotta consider if Cameron would have made the story really complex he'd lose alot of audience, because they 1st gotta be willing to accept the weird visuals and the alien race. I also think that's why some people automatically don't even give it a chance they just go "blue cat people F*** that, thats dumb" . They are just being narrow minded from the get go. 

Cameron is trying to get his 3d tech off the ground so I believe he on purpose wanted to keep the story straight forward and easily digestible for the public. Not to mention it's a pretty straight forward theme anyways. (Humans screwing up the planet and anything that stand in their way) He's just trying to evoke emotion and get you thinking about morals and consequences.

now talk about disappointing movies, Resident Evils, and what has happened to the Alien and Predator franchises.


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## jymellis (Jun 8, 2010)

ralphy1976 said:


> 2012, , Star Wars 1 to 3, to some extend the other 3,


 

ralphy NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


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## Xaios (Jun 8, 2010)

I have to disagree with ralphy1976 regarding Hellboy 2, I thought that movie was marvelous, especially compared to the first one, which I didn't think was all that great.

I mostly agree with just about every movie pointed out, and there's another "classic" movie from the 80's I want to point out. I'm not going to give any reasons, I'll let you meditate on it yourself, but I quite dislike this movie...

The Goonies.


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## pink freud (Jun 8, 2010)

I liked Sky Captain. It made no apologies for being a throwback movie, with campyness included.

Let's see:

Napoleon Dynamite
Ghost Ship
Modern slasher/gore horror movies in general

Those are all movies that I couldn't sit through the entirety.


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## Opeth666 (Jun 8, 2010)

Twilight saga....why? well you might as well be hellen keller if you do not understand why its the worst movie ever


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## s_k_mullins (Jun 8, 2010)

groph said:


> 3) Avatar - No, I am not just saying this to sound edgy. Complete overhype. Nothing about that movie blew me away. Yeah, the special effects were great (probably some of the best CGI ever) but nowadays special effects are fucking everywhere. The 3D part of the movie just gave me a headache. The plot was completely generic and there was absolutely nothing I haven't seen before. I can't believe people actually killed themselves over this monotonous children's story.



Couldn't agree more with this post! 

Also, the Twilight films (of course) for their terrible fucking acting, modern remakes of classic horror films for losing all the appeal that the old ones had, and The Happening... what a disappointing fucking movie that was.


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## That_One_Person (Jun 8, 2010)

Biodome


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## s_k_mullins (Jun 8, 2010)

That_One_Person said:


> Biodome



and almost everything else with Pauly Shore


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## jymellis (Jun 8, 2010)

pink freud said:


> I
> 
> Napoleon Dynamite
> .


 

+100000 i hated it. only funny part was where the guy hit him in the head with the meat


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## poopyalligator (Jun 8, 2010)

pink freud said:


> I liked Sky Captain. It made no apologies for being a throwback movie, with campyness included.
> 
> Let's see:
> 
> ...



Man I loved Napoleon Dynamite. I thought that it was pretty funny because it was plain different from every other comedy out there.


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## ittoa666 (Jun 8, 2010)

Star Wars 1-3 ruined the rep of 4-6. I am completely obsessed with star wars and I think those movies suck hard. About the only good thing is the fact that I can watch episode 1 and feel nostalgia. That's it.


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## kingpinMS3 (Jun 8, 2010)

s_k_mullins said:


> Couldn't agree more with this post!
> 
> Also, the Twilight films (of course) for their terrible fucking acting, modern remakes of classic horror films for losing all the appeal that the old ones had, and The Happening... what a disappointing fucking movie that was.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpT8l94CKcs

makes twilight watchable.


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## Esp Griffyn (Jun 8, 2010)

U571 - American film makers taking the British Navy's credit for capturing Enigma code books and machines? Doh. Making U-boat sailors look like savages when infact they gave aid to surivors of sinking enemy ships (until the US attacked them while they were giving aid). Doh. American direction and historical films are a total recipe for disaster, whether they anachronisms are deliberate or not.


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## fretninjadave (Jun 8, 2010)

Anything by tyler perry or anything with dane cook . Because they both can go eat a bag of dicks as far as I'm concerned.


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## s_k_mullins (Jun 8, 2010)

fretninjadave said:


> Anything by tyler perry



I second this statement... None of Tyler Perry's movies are even remotely funny, nor are his tv shows on TBS.


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## 7 Strings of Hate (Jun 8, 2010)

s_k_mullins said:


> I second this statement... None of Tyler Perry's movies are even remotely funny, nor are his tv shows on TBS.



He focuses more on the fact that he makes movies/shows for black people than actually paying attention to it being complete shit
Your black, your audience is black, hooray! now quit making complete shit


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## Randy (Jun 8, 2010)

s_k_mullins said:


> I second this statement... None of Tyler Perry's movies are even remotely funny, nor are his tv shows on TBS.



_Thank_ you.


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## kingpinMS3 (Jun 8, 2010)

7 Strings of Hate said:


> He focuses more on the fact that he makes movies/shows for black people than actually paying attention to it being complete shit
> Your black, your audience is black, hooray! now quit making complete shit


you HAVE to be a goon.... aren't you?


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## 7 Strings of Hate (Jun 8, 2010)

kingpinMS3 said:


> you HAVE to be a goon.... aren't you?



Uh, what? I call it like it is. So i guess that makes me a goon


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## Necky379 (Jun 8, 2010)

7 Strings of Hate said:


> Uh, what? I call it like it is. So i guess that makes me a goon



guess im in the goon camp with you, cant stand tyler perry's shit.


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## DrakkarTyrannis (Jun 8, 2010)

Superbad..that movie was fucking stupid and I'm assuming only funny because people were high or they're just plain stupid. I didn't so much as crack a smile the entire time that movie was on and it was just useless.


And Tyler Perry movies. Black people should be offended by this crap but they aren't and I don't see why. Ever seen the plays? Even worse. Racial stereotypes, black people playing stupid for laughs, and characters that have problems associated with "street life" with no real promise of rising above anything but being a statistic..then strike up the fat black people screaming songs about Jesus..because he fixes everything...FAIL


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## fretninjadave (Jun 8, 2010)

So its agreed tyler perry hates black people. 

superbad also sucked the big one . they told us what it was gonna be before you went and bought a ticket .


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## orb451 (Jun 8, 2010)

Matrix 2 & 3: Reason being, they took the original Matrix movie that could've/would've been a nice epic existentialist mindfuck and turned into a hurried, half-assed lesson in how NOT to follow up with sequels. The Wachowski brothers should have been drawn and quartered for this epic fail.

Star Wars (all of them redone): George Lucas, add yet another fan you alienated and disenfranchised by smearing your fat greedy paw prints all over what could've/should've been left the fuck alone. He never should have "retouched" the first 3 (ep. 4-6) and probably should have definitely stayed away from the last 3 (ep. 1-3). Acting, effects and story for the last 3 were unforgivable. Fucking with my childhood on the first 3? That's a much needed trip to sleep with the fishes. Fuck you GL. Go drink a pint of Goneria. 

Eddie Murphy movies: Take one once great comic and throw him in everything to see what sticks. Recipe for feces. He sucks. His movies suck. Old stuff is classic, new stuff, not so much.

Gerard Butler movies: He fit well in 300 even if it was a homo-erotic porn dressed as an action flick. He fit well in Rocknrolla. Short of that, he's a shit stick. I met him on Sunset Blvd and he was cool in person but his latest movies make me want to puke.

Cameron Diaz movies: You were hot in The Mask w/ Jim Carrey. After that some stuffed suit must have convinced you to drop the baby weight and make yourself more marketable. You suck. Your movies suck. "My Sister's Keeper"? Really? I haven't laughed that much at one person's personal tragedy since The Exorcist. Fuck off.

Arthouse/Indy movies: Fuck you. You're not as important as you think you are. You're movies are lame and relegated to the bargain bins. If it weren't for your birkenstock wearing, caffe latte douching, granola crunching, new age hippie crystal healing drum circle banging in the woods plant loving hybrid driving planet molesting animal rights coppronecrophiliac sycophants you'd be nowhere. 

Kids movies: Fuck you. Your animation sucks. Your direction sucks. Your stupid balancing act between pleasing the slack-jawed troglodyte cherubs and fist-fucking the adults in the audience with "grown up humor" is as vapid and transparent as the skin you're printed on. Up? Up your ass. Bee Movie? Bitch movie. Toy Story 3? Anal Toy Story 3000. It's all about merchandising and dumbing down the next generation of idiots.


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## kingpinMS3 (Jun 8, 2010)

7 Strings of Hate said:


> Uh, what? I call it like it is. So i guess that makes me a goon


goon = forum user of somethingawful.com. that comment was just very SA.


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## MFB (Jun 8, 2010)

orb451 said:


> Star Wars (all of them redone): George Lucas, add yet another fan you alienated and disenfranchised by smearing your fat greedy paw prints all over what could've/should've been left the fuck alone. He never should have "retouched" the first 3 (ep. 4-6) and probably should have definitely stayed away from the last 3 (ep. 1-3). Acting, effects and story for the last 3 were unforgivable. Fucking with my childhood on the first 3? That's a much needed trip to sleep with the fishes. Fuck you GL. Go drink a pint of Goneria.
> 
> Gerard Butler movies: He fit well in 300 even if it was a homo-erotic porn dressed as an action flick. He fit well in Rocknrolla. Short of that, he's a shit stick. I met him on Sunset Blvd and he was cool in person but his latest movies make me want to puke.
> 
> ...



Did you see Gerard in "Law Abiding Citizen"? He was fucking awesome.

Kids movies rule man, they're simple and look good. If you think Pixar's animation is shit then I pity you.

What the fuck movies do you watch also? Action/horror movies that are all surface and lack zero substance so they can easily be discarded 2-3 years down the road unless a sequel comes out?


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## Adam Of Angels (Jun 8, 2010)

I disagree with you about 300 - that shit was metal.

I haven't seen Pearl Harbor in years, but when I was a kid it seemed like a good chick flick... but then watching Kate Beckinsale is rarely boring.

However, this comment made me laugh real hard: "Hayden Christiansen needs to stop acting, or at least die."


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## orb451 (Jun 8, 2010)

MFB said:


> Did you see Gerard in "Law Abiding Citizen"? He was fucking awesome.
> 
> Kids movies rule man, they're simple and look good. If you think Pixar's animation is shit then I pity you.
> 
> What the fuck movies do you watch also? Action/horror movies that are all surface and lack zero substance so they can easily be discarded 2-3 years down the road unless a sequel comes out?



I didn't see Law Abiding Citizen but I'll check it out at some point... Other than that, his Rom-Com's and action movies of late (Gamer) have sucked donkey balls. 

As for kids movies, I don't like kids and I don't like kids movies. The stories are weak 99% of the time and by and large just serve to bilk hardworking parents out of $20-$50 for a night at the cinema with lil' fucko junior. I don't dispute that *some* of their animation (Pixar's) is good, but on the whole, kids movies from other studios are dreck. Shrek's latest iterations are good examples of how NOT to fuck with things. How to Train Your Dragon? Garbage. Toy Story 3 is yet another example of them just milking the ol' cash cow. That's my biggest gripe of all with the kids movies, it's just a way to sell you merchandise. "Merchandising, Merchandising, Merchandising" as the wise Yogurt once said. If you like them, that's fine with me, I don't. Leave it at that.

Action/Horror movies are a whole other waste of time. So no, sorry, don't like most of them either. To me there are always the classics (old movies) and some fun, funny or funnier new(er) movies here n' there. Just depends on my mood.


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## Scar Symmetry (Jun 8, 2010)

I enjoy 300 but I know it's shit... just good shit.

My contribution: fucking Transformers (1 and 2)


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## Adam Of Angels (Jun 8, 2010)

MFB said:


> Did you see Gerard in "Law Abiding Citizen"? He was fucking awesome.
> 
> Kids movies rule man, they're simple and look good. If you think Pixar's animation is shit then I pity you.
> 
> What the fuck movies do you watch also? Action/horror movies that are all surface and lack zero substance so they can easily be discarded 2-3 years down the road unless a sequel comes out?




This can also be read as:

"Dude, you have an opinion?! I'm upset about it. I don't like it. Here's my suggestions to change that."


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## Murmel (Jun 8, 2010)

orb451 said:


> Matrix 2 & 3: Reason being, they took the original Matrix movie that could've/would've been a nice epic existentialist mindfuck and turned into a hurried, half-assed lesson in how NOT to follow up with sequels. The Wachowski brothers should have been drawn and quartered for this epic fail.
> 
> Star Wars (all of them redone): George Lucas, add yet another fan you alienated and disenfranchised by smearing your fat greedy paw prints all over what could've/should've been left the fuck alone. He never should have "retouched" the first 3 (ep. 4-6) and probably should have definitely stayed away from the last 3 (ep. 1-3). Acting, effects and story for the last 3 were unforgivable. Fucking with my childhood on the first 3? That's a much needed trip to sleep with the fishes. Fuck you GL. Go drink a pint of Goneria.
> 
> ...



I bow to thee ranting skills my lord. I laughed hard while reading this


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## Scar Symmetry (Jun 8, 2010)

JUNO. Because nothing happens and they play 18 variations of the same song throughout.


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## poopyalligator (Jun 8, 2010)

7 Strings of Hate said:


> He focuses more on the fact that he makes movies/shows for black people than actually paying attention to it being complete shit
> Your black, your audience is black, hooray! now quit making complete shit




This. Heck even watch something like everybody hates chris. That show obviously has some racial humor, but all in all it stands up really well and can be funny to just about everybody. All of tyler perrys stuff is like "oh no he didn't" type of humor.


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## MFB (Jun 8, 2010)

Adam Of Angels said:


> This can also be read as:
> 
> "Dude, you have an opinion?! I'm upset about it. I don't like it. Here's my suggestions to change that."


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## groph (Jun 8, 2010)

That_One_Person said:


> Biodome


 
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU



orb451 said:


> Toy Story 3? Anal Toy Story 3000. .


 
LOL


Thought of a few more.

Constantine - This put the final nail in the coffin for my opinion on Keanu Reeve's acting ability. He's not even that good in the Matrix series, at least the movies are decent enough (first was the best, second was kind of cool, third has the epic war but otherwise nothing special) that you kind of overlook him. Redeeming qualities of the movie: Rachel Weisz, and Peter Stormare playing Satan.

The Day The Earth Stood Still (remake) - Again with the Keanu Reeves. Now for the reason the movie blows. There's no giant battle in it. You can't make a movie where aliens land on Earth and not have a giant battle. There's probably not one in the original either but at least then it was an original story.

Lost in Space (remake) - Aside from Lacey Chabert being in it (no pedophile, she's older than me and if I need my fill of her in final form I can just watch Mean Girls which is honestly one of my favorite movies), this movie was an intense borefest. Watched it ages ago when I was a wee one, watched it again last year and I was glad when it was over.

Battlefield Earth - If you haven't read the reviews, read them. It's based on one of L Ron Hubbard's novels, only this time it's just a movie and not an organized religion. Of course John Travolta is in it, along with the sniper from Saving Private Ryan. It's a contender for one of the worst movies ever made according to actual critics. Sometimes those movies are fun to watch for a laugh because they're so terrible, and that's what I was hoping for with this movie. Nope. The plot holes only made me angry, the dialogue is RETARDED, the plot makes no fucking sense whatsoever, and seriously every other shot is tilted 45 degrees and tinted purple or yellow. 

Allow me to sum the movie up.

John Travolta invaded Earth a thousand years ago. His race (the "Psyklos" from the planet "Psyklo") have enslaved the human race (called man-animals) to mine gold. The human race has devolved into a mockery of cavemen who actually make monkey noises at each other. Why this happened is not explained at all. John Travolta is not the Psyklo boss, but a subordinate who is just in charge of operations on Earth. His boss told him that he'll have to work overtime (he was going to go back home to Psyklo but now he has to spend years and years more on Earth.). John's pissed. He needs to mine a bunch more gold before he can go home, so he devises a great plan. He gets a few "man animals" together, and instructs them to break into Fort Knox to steal the gold reserves. Why they haven't already done this is not explained. Because the humans are a bunch of simians, they have to be educated by means of a machine that spews knowledge into your eyes. This goes horrifically wrong. The humans are given a Psyklo ship so they can fly to Fort Knox, where they proceed to waltz in and commandeer a squadron of fighter jets which would have been at least 1000 years old (they're modern day jets) and mysteriously haven't deteriorated at all. They fire a nuclear missile into a portal on Earth which leads to Psyklo, where it detonates, causing the atmosphere to blow up as well because it reacts badly to nukes. Halfway through the movie I didn't even want to see the ending.

Moral of the story: When Psyklos come to invade Earth, just play along with them for a little while and wait for them to not scour the globe for nuclear weapons or any other specific thing that would cause the extermination of their entire race should one manage to find its way through a portal they must have lost absent mindedly lost track of. Psyklos are dumber than Neanderthals. I bet the book sucks too.

Any movie made by Andy Warhol - Haven't seen any, but I don't really want to watch a guy's face as he gets blown, nor do I want to watch a dude sleep for eight hours, not do I want to watch the Empire State Building for a similar length of time. I don't get what he was "exploring" here.


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## technomancer (Jun 8, 2010)

Thank God! I was starting to wonder if I was the only person who watched Avatar and went "Meh". The animation was awesome, it was pretty to look at, but the plot had no surprises of any kind and the characters were cardboard cutouts with no development in the course of the film whatsoever. Was it fun? Sure. Was it a groundbreaking cultural event that I've seen some people babble about? Hardly.


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## orb451 (Jun 8, 2010)

Oh oh oh, I forgot one, but it's not out yet:

Karate Kid (Jaden Smith / Jackie Chan): Reason? It's NOT FUCKING KARATE FOR CHRISTS SAKE. How is learning Kung-Fu the same as Karate? I'm not a drunken master, nor martial arts buff and even "I" know there's a difference between Karate and Kung-Fu. That's reason number one. Reason number two, it's got Jaden Smith in it. The kid looks like he just took a deep whiff of my ass permanently imprinted scowl on his face. I fucking hate everything he's in and he's been in what? 3 movies or some shit? Reason three, it's a remake. I don't know about you, but I'm god damned sick and fucking tired of remakes. Whether it's old movies, tv shows or video game adaptations. They suck. All of them. They suck shit through a straw. Seriously. You can tell that Hollywood has ZERO imagination left when all they can do is retread story after story that's already been done to death. And it's not that every story hasn't already been told, but they're so scared of missing out on making money that they sacrifice new and interesting ways to tell *the same fucking story* time after time.

Oh and one more,

Funny People (w/ Sandler): Reason? Not fucking funny. At all. Period. Game over. The movie is 90 minutes of my life that I'll never ever get back.


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## -mouse- (Jun 8, 2010)

Why is everybody complaining about how storyless and base Avatar is? If you went in there expecting an epic, well thought out story, you deserved to have your money taken...

To actually contribute, I fucking hated Mamma Mia. I still can't get over that. I deserved big fucking poon points for watching it, but I never got any


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## poopyalligator (Jun 8, 2010)

orb451 said:


> Funny People (w/ Sandler): Reason? Not fucking funny. At all. Period. Game over. The movie is 90 minutes of my life that I'll never ever get back.




Actually the movie was super long. It was 2 and half hours. So it is more like you lost 150 minutes of your life.


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## Jason (Jun 8, 2010)

Movies, Books, TV & Media - Sevenstring.org


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## Explorer (Jun 8, 2010)

I must not invest any time in watching movies I don't think will be engaging, because I don't really have any movies to add to the awful list.

I think the contrast between the negative comments regarding Avatar and 2001 in the other thread is hilarious. "Story is too simple!" "Story is too complex!" "Can't decide where perfect middle ground is!" *laugh* 

I do own quite a few of the movies which were panned in this thread (and yes, I will actually buy a movie if I enjoy it enough, and I don't pirate). I pick up a movie not just because I enjoyed it, but because it will hold up under repeated viewings. 

I'll probably have more to say in the "movies I loved... and why" thread.


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## CFB (Jun 8, 2010)

Yesterday I watched "House of the dead" by Uwe Boll
If you know who the guy behind this shit-fest is don't read any further. It was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Everything about this movie is pure shit. Even the naked teenagers are not hot. God this movie makes clubbing baby seals look like the cutest thing in the world. It makes me wanna rip my eyeballs out.

Next week I'm watching Dragonball Evolution


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## Bloody_Inferno (Jun 9, 2010)

CFB said:


> Next week I'm watching Dragonball Evolution


 
Please do yourself a favour and don't.


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## M3CHK1LLA (Jun 9, 2010)

also the new speed racer, gi joe (childhood memories ruined) & gamer


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## DavyH (Jun 9, 2010)

Not a word about Terminator Salvation? Wow.

The future.... Skynet has blown most of the human race off the face of the planet and is engaged in a campaign to hunt down and eradicate the survivors. What does it do? Build huge robot armies and undertake total war?

Fuck no.

It builds androids with the intelligence of the average vehicle assembly unit that will stand under falling grand pianos. It builds supposedly intelligent bikes that allow themselves to be ridden by their worst enemy and have USB ports to help them do it. It builds an Arniedroid that slaps around its prime target instead of putting its hand into his chest and ripping his fucking heart out. Always assuming that the Terminator they already set off on his trail hadn't just followed its programming and killed John Connor off the minute it clapped its eyes on him.

This happens in between the most pointless action scenes in the history of filmmaking occuring approximately every eight minutes throughout the 'film' and lasting approximately seven minutes and thirty seconds each, obviously under the assumption that this would counteract the Ritalin its target audience obviously needs to be on. The remaining thirty seconds of each 8-minute 'act' (something that doesn't happen in this film) is involved with briefly meeting Mrs John Connor (dunno why) and listening to Christian Bale's pisspoor imitation of Barry White imitating Batman.

Aside from that, I really enjoyed this film and would recommend it to any attention-deficient masochist.


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## Murmel (Jun 9, 2010)

Just saw some fucking zombie-film that was about monkeys having like, a zombie virus that spread if they bite or something. Making people to zombies.

That movie was so bad, that I tried to fall asleep 4 times, and never managed.


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## Marv Attaxx (Jun 9, 2010)

Murmel said:


> Just saw some fucking zombie-film that was about monkeys having like, a zombie virus that spread if they bite or something. Making people to zombies.
> 
> That movie was so bad, that I tried to fall asleep 4 times, and never managed.


^ 28 days later?


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## Mr Violence (Jun 9, 2010)

Thep said:


> Hostel- laughable gore, idiotic plot, horrible acting, *too much boobs* (takes away the excitement scene after scene)



^This statement is an abomination. There is *no such thing* as too much.


In line with the thread:

As much as I loved and still am entertained by Star Wars Episodes IV -VI, they are not good movies. Good for their time, sure, but the acting is actually pretty sub-par. Very, very campy and most of the time, it's completely and utterly laughable. Don't get me wrong guys, I still am entertained by them. As movies though, they aren't that great. They just had some cutting edge stuff for the time, it gave George Lucas an ego, and now look at what atrocities he's committed against film. Might as well throw the new Indiana Jones on this list, too.



The other movie I got really up in arms about (you can call me a fanboy if you want) is Doom. As soon as I found out the plot wasn't about demons from hell, I lost my mind. That's what made it cool, god damn it. Doom is about hell. Period. End of discussion. I won't even talk about acting, special effects, plotholes, whatever. The plot was not about demon spawn from hell overrunning Mars and it's moons. It should've been called "Resident Evil Goes to Mars!" Fucking bullshit. It's the same EXACT story of Resident Evil. Corporation tries to genetically alter humans to be better, they fuck up and make evil things. Fuck Doom the movie.



Also, I don't care what anyone thinks of me for the following: I love old Pauly Shore movies. Biodome, Encino Man, In The Army Now, Son in Law. Love it. Eat that shit for breakfast. Fuck you, I laughed at them and I still do.


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## leipzig175 (Jun 9, 2010)

The worst movie I've ever seen is Expelled:No Intelligence Allowed. It made me want to find Ben Stein and kill him with fire. For those who haven't seen it, it's a movie that states the scientific community has a conspiracy against intelligent design, and that ID is a sound scientific theory, though it never explains why. It also states the evolution is ultimately responsible for the horrors of the Holocaust.


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## Variant (Jun 11, 2010)

> 4) 300 - You read that correctly. Same as above. After the 4,000th Persian was tossed down a bottomless pit by a man in the throes of an agonizing hernia it started to get stale. Wasn't half as "OMGEPIC" as it was cracked up to be. People really shouldn't talk about movies until I see them. I did like the scene where Leonidas's wife shanks that dude.


^






I agree with Lo-Pan. They made that movie look so awesome in the previews, but when you got to the theater you saw the most pretentious, overacted, overstylized, bombastic, homoerotic piece of crap. Top 3 biggest disappointments ever.

I'll add *'Wanted'* to this list. Holy crap, it was like watching baby giving itself an abortion in utero. I mean fuck, curve the bullet?  So fucking bad.


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## Daemoniac (Jun 11, 2010)

Every Saw film after the first. Hell, even the first to an extent. Way to milk the cash cow and lose all trace of intelligent story twists, and way to drag out a story 5 movies too long 

The Informant. Saw it advertised at the movies, it actually looked pretty funny. Borrowed it out, slowest, most boring hour of my life (i only watched an hour. I couldn't stand it any longer than that)

Prince of Persia. Piece of shit. Assassins creed-meets-The Scorpion King-Meets-Aladdin with all of Disney's token cheeseball acting, horrible plot butchering, lack of anything resembling good storytelling/acting, and awful pace.

Species. All of them. I really don't think these need any explanation at all, just fucking awful 

Scream/I Know What You Did Last Summer/Jeepers Creepers/insert other "teen horror" movie here. Fuck-awful acting, nonexistant plot, nonexistant character development, disgusting dialog all wrapped up in one giant ball of shit.

The Punisher. What the fuck was this? Seriously? Just awful.

There are more... I just can't think of them


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## Marv Attaxx (Jun 11, 2010)

Demoniac said:


> Species. All of them. I really don't think these need any explanation at all, just fucking awful
> 
> Scream/I Know What You Did Last Summer/Jeepers Creepers/insert other "teen horror" movie here. Fuck-awful acting, nonexistant plot, nonexistant character development, disgusting dialog all wrapped up in one giant ball of shit.



I love those


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## Daemoniac (Jun 11, 2010)

Bah, each to their own for preference I suppose , but I definitely think they're badly made movies


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## Xaios (Jun 11, 2010)

CFB said:


> Yesterday I watched "House of the dead" by *Uwe Boll*.



Uwe Boll's movies are "enter at your own peril." I thought by now EVERYONE knew they were completely awful.



Demoniac said:


> Scream/I Know What You Did Last Summer/Jeepers Creepers/insert other "teen horror" movie here. Fuck-awful acting, nonexistant plot, nonexistant character development, disgusting dialog all wrapped up in one giant ball of shit.



I agree with every movie in this list. HOWEVER, I will say Jeepers Creepers at least had potential. The setup was creepy as hell and very effective. The problem was the reveal was a huge letdown and everything after that sucked.


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## Marv Attaxx (Jun 11, 2010)

Demoniac said:


> Bah, each to their own for preference I suppose , but I definitely think they're badly made movies


I love watching a trashy movie once in a while 
Sure, they're badly made but sometimes those teen-horror movies are fun to watch.
Species is a different story: watched those movies when I was a child and it was kinda hot back than


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## Choop (Jun 11, 2010)

Alice in Wonderland (johnny depp version): 
I just recently saw this, and I have to say for a movie that appeared to have a unique sense of style, it ended up being one of the most generic pieces of garbage I've ever seen. Dialogue, characters, plot...all awful. All of these things sucking aside, the movie really lacks focus. It felt like it was trying to be many different things at once, but never doing anything particularly well. Alice is the chosen one to slay the evil beast, where has this been done before? Why does Alice have to _slay_ an evil beast? Alice in Wonderland is supposed to be about a quirky world, and about problem solving in absurd situations. It's not supposed to be about the one who kills the dragon against all odds (although that may be pretty absurd in itself). It felt like The Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe, with LotR, with Harry Potter, etcetcetc. They just went with this same tired formula for a movie that had potential to be great.
It seems like everything that was great about Alice in Wonderland was forgotten. There is a very generic formula, with occasional references to the source material ever so often to keep it just relevant enough to let it get away with the title. Johnny Depp couldn't even save the movie, despite being a pretty good actor his vapid and boring character fit right in with all of the other drooling shallow characters. I never felt convinced that the Mad Hatter was actually mad, and that's a problem. >:[

/rant about a kids movie


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## pink freud (Jun 11, 2010)

Choop said:


> Alice in Wonderland (johnny depp version):
> I just recently saw this, and I have to say for a movie that appeared to have a unique sense of style, it ended up being one of the most generic pieces of garbage I've ever seen. Dialogue, characters, plot...all awful. All of these things sucking aside, the movie really lacks focus. It felt like it was trying to be many different things at once, but never doing anything particularly well. Alice is the chosen one to slay the evil beast, where has this been done before? Why does Alice have to _slay_ an evil beast? Alice in Wonderland is supposed to be about a quirky world, and about problem solving in absurd situations. It's not supposed to be about the one who kills the dragon against all odds (although that may be pretty absurd in itself). It felt like The Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe, with LotR, with Harry Potter, etcetcetc. They just went with this same tired formula for a movie that had potential to be great.
> It seems like everything that was great about Alice in Wonderland was forgotten. There is a very generic formula, with occasional references to the source material ever so often to keep it just relevant enough to let it get away with the title. Johnny Depp couldn't even save the movie, despite being a pretty good actor his vapid and boring character fit right in with all of the other drooling shallow characters. I never felt convinced that the Mad Hatter was actually mad, and that's a problem. >:[
> 
> /rant about a kids movie


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## Choop (Jun 11, 2010)

pink freud said:


>




hahahahahah!!!  Wow, I've never seen that. Thank you. :V


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## Excalibur (Jun 11, 2010)

Nice.


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## ShadyDavey (Jun 11, 2010)

Demoniac said:


> Species. All of them. I really don't think these need any explanation at all, just fucking awful



Yes. Except...

Natasha Hentsridge. You know it


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## Variant (Jun 11, 2010)

> Prince of Persia. Piece of shit. Assassins creed-meets-The Scorpion King-Meets-Aladdin with all of Disney's token cheeseball acting, horrible plot butchering, lack of anything resembling good storytelling/acting, and awful pace.



 Shit, I was hoping that this would be at least passable (but suspecting that it probably wouldn't), as I'm a _*huge*_ fan of the games... especially the first one which was an utterly fantastic piece.


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## Daemoniac (Jun 11, 2010)

Variant said:


> Shit, I was hoping that this would be at least passable (but suspecting that it probably wouldn't), as I'm a _*huge*_ fan of the games... especially the first one which was an utterly fantastic piece.



 I never played the games that much, but enough to roughly know the plot and more than enough to know the amazing character designs and style of the worlds, and this just destroyed it 

It's the kind of movie you'd put on for the kids, have on in the background, and just look over to have a chuckle every now and then, but it's not a good movie at all


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## shredfreak (Jun 12, 2010)

Anything made by Uwe boll basicly.

Everything after Hellraiser 2 ... 3 goes down the american slasher gore path, 4 is acceptable but then ... I never got the finish inferno due to it's epic boredom & the rest is unacceptable at best, still went through the horror of actually trying to watch some of it.

Can't say i understand all the hype around tarantino either, tried to watch some of his movies & though they were epic shit.


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## cyberwaste6996 (Jun 12, 2010)

Xaios said:


> Uwe Boll's movies are "enter at your own peril." I thought by now EVERYONE knew they were completely awful.


 
Agreed, yet someone keeps giving him money to make more movies.


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## shredfreak (Jun 12, 2010)

cyberwaste6996 said:


> Agreed, yet someone keeps giving him money to make more movies.



I've always wondered how this is possible actually, I honestly don't get how a director can keep making movies if each one of them is more miserable then the one before


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## AVWIII (Jun 12, 2010)

My least favourite movies of all time would be: 
Rent.
Who takes this seriously? I realize it's a musical, but the characters are weak stereotypes and the music is horrid (I'm not saying this because it's "not metal", the music is actually garbage.). I watched it on a bus ride full of musical theatre students. I've never been more of an asshole than while I watched that movie. They told me I didn't need any more enemies on the bus. Didn't know I had any in the first place. Fuck you, Rent.

Starship troopers III
I'll take some of the blame for this one. I never saw the second one, but I was with a friend who got his mind blown by the fact that casper van something was back. I'll admit I loved the first movie, but I knew this was gonna be horrible. 
Take starship troopers, cut all the likeable characters, spend 3/4 of the movie in low budget sets and not showing any aliens, tack on a religious message ("I've got religion. I've got it bad." - some character wrapped in a virgin mary-esque head scarf.), 25 seconds of useless tits, even less time for some bad CG robots, and we've got a movie.

I've never disliked movies more.
I liked twilight more than these movies.


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## cyberwaste6996 (Jun 12, 2010)

shredfreak said:


> I've always wondered how this is possible actually, I honestly don't get how a director can keep making movies if each one of them is more miserable then the one before


 
I have a theory...Movie companies give him a little money to make his bad movies so it'll make the rest of their movies look better by comparison and they might bring in more money...Just a thought.


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## groph (Jun 12, 2010)

lol @ the person who neg repped me


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## groph (Jun 12, 2010)

DavyH said:


> Not a word about Terminator Salvation? Wow.
> 
> The future.... Skynet has blown most of the human race off the face of the planet and is engaged in a campaign to hunt down and eradicate the survivors. What does it do? Build huge robot armies and undertake total war?
> 
> ...


 
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA


Yeah, that movie isn't all that great when you take into account the plotholes and the fact that Skynet seems to be rather awful at eradicating the human race. I really liked it, but I'm a sucker for killer robots. It's not a "good" movie but I found it entertaining. At least Mrs John Connor is righteously attractive. I've seen this movie five times in theatres.

My biggest gripe is that damn guy who played Marcus Wright (or JAKESULLY FROM CLAN JARHEAD LOLOL) and his inconsistent accent. He sounds nearly Australian in parts. That guy doesn't seem to be a competent actor at all.


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## Murmel (Jun 13, 2010)

The only 2 scenes I remember from Terminator: Salvation is where Arnold is naked lol
And when the giant robot thingy crushes a SAAB trying to escape. When that happened I said to my buddy; "That's what happens if you drive a SAAB..." He laughed so much that the entire theatre was staring at him.


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## Prydogga (Jun 13, 2010)

Wassup Rockers. Reason: MEXICAN HARDCORE SKATERS.


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## DJENTxCORE901 (Jun 13, 2010)

Twilight is helping to destroy my generation.

All i have to say.


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## Bungle (Jun 14, 2010)

groph said:


> That guy doesn't seem to be a competent actor at all.


I think he's an ok actor, he's just fucking horrible at hiding his accent 

lol-worthy!
Sam Worthington | Cracked.com


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## Thrashmanzac (Jun 14, 2010)

prince of persia. that movie sucked so hard. the plot was thinner than the sand. and there was too much sand. and did i mention it sucked.


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## Awfulwaffle (Jun 14, 2010)

encino man. Brendan Fraser's face has something unnatural to it


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## Xaios (Sep 8, 2010)

Bump Time!

*** I'm not using spoiler tags because this movie is Armageddon-lite, and you'll probably never willingly subject yourself to it anyway. If anyone has an issue with this, please send me a PM at your earliest convenience so that it can be promptly ignored. You have been warned. ***

I watched this god-awful made for TV Sci-Fi Channel movie last night called "Earthstorm." You could have literally taken Armageddon, changed a few details, and come up with this movie. Replace Bruce Willis playing a drilling expert with Stephen Baldwin playing a demolitions expert. Replace a giant meteor hitting the earth with a giant meteor hitting the moon, thus creating a giant tectonic fault which threatens to rend it in twain and send an entire quarter to earth. Replace secret X-71 space shuttles with regular space shuttles retrofitted with "Nukelar Pulse Engines." (I swear to God, they mispronounced 'nuclear' more times than I could count, and they only said it properly 2, maybe 3 times in the whole movie. Some of these actors are seasoned veterans too, which makes it all the more inexcusable). Replace drilling a hole in a meteor in hopes of blowing it up and dropping in a nuke with placing various nukes strategically at various stress points of an ever changing fault-line in order to make said fault collapse in on itself, which THEN becomes retrofitting a nuke with spare parts from the shuttlecraft as an electromagnetic pulse emitter in an effort to create a magnetic field in the moon's newly discovered iron core so that the fault will simply magically close itself (nevermind the fact that this retrofitting of a nuclear bomb into an EMP emitter is performed by a demolitions expert with absolutely no relevant knowledge or training, and apparently in space, electromagnetism looks like blue clouds and lightning).

Yeah, my brain was pretty much ready leap out of my skull after this one.

It also features such staples as the lonely male lead who's wife died 3 years ago and spends all his time working and putting himself in harm's way so he'll "forget the pain," the pretty late 30's something maverick scientist who's continuing in her father's footsteps by using his scientific theories as the backbone of all her reasoning even though "conventional wisdom" says said theories are incorrect (although they are obviously proven correct by the end of the film), after having distanced herself from her father's research while he was still alive to protect her own position, thus creating the pang of guilt that she has to vindicate herself of the shame she brought. Also the obvious ploy that, somehow, grieving male lead will end of with sexy female lead will end up shacked up together by the end of the movie, even though there is ABSOLUTELY NO LEAD UP. Throw in the industry veteran/overseer/jerk who plays to conventional wisdom while thwarting the maverick scientist at every turn (played by the dude who was Starbuck in the original Battlestar Galactica, no less), the Q (James Bond, not Star Trek) type character who seems to be able to build any solution to any problem at a moment's notice, the meaningless subplot with the main character's chosen vocation near the beginning of the movie where he throws himself in harm's way, as to demonstrate how reckless he's willing to be in order to 'forget the pain,' the ability to instantly calculate changes in weather patterns brought on by cosmic events that haven't even finished unfolding... the list goes on.

Also, the generic national space program in this movie is the ASI. Throughout the movie, they have a hard time deciding if this stands for the "American Space Institute" or the "American Science Institute." I'm guessing NASA wouldn't touch this one with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

Also, apparently they've figured out artificial gravity in space shuttles. It seems they're also tough enough to hurtle through a dense meteor field at 30,000+ mph (propelled forward by the aforementioned "nukelar pulse engines") and take a few blows with out being absolutely obliberated, while still being able to maneuver through the lion's share of them. The shuttle craft's main boosters work even after it has jettisoned its fuel tanks with enough power to escape the moon's orbit and bring it back home to earth. Plus, the space shuttle, while barely dressed above the set design standard pioneered by "Plan 9 From Outer Space," has enough oxygen reserves to last a full return flight to the moon and back, which apparently only takes a few hours at 30,000mph, even though the Apollo missions took a full week at 24,000mph.

You really have to see this movie to believe it. It really is one of those movies that are so bad, they're somehow watchable because of it.

Ultimate Stupid Moment: one of the ASI astronauts lies motionless on the floor after having wanged his head on the wall during turbulence. Stephen Baldwin approaches, examines him for a few seconds, and makes the stunningly intuitive statement, "I think he might be unconscious."





Edit: I took out a few of the "also's," even though the "also" moments just go on and on...

Edit 2: I just realized I completely forgot to mention with special effects. These deserve special recognition for being every bit as atrocious as every other aspect of this movie.


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## ittoa666 (Sep 8, 2010)

ralphy1976 said:


> Star Wars 1 to 3, to some extend the other 3



I have good reason to challenge you to a duel my good sir. I find that offensive.


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## All_¥our_Bass (Sep 8, 2010)




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## bostjan (Sep 8, 2010)

Wow, you guys hate a lot of movies! 

I've seen a majority of the movies listed in this thread, and enjoyed all of them to some extent or another. 

I've seen a ton of movies that were awful enough to make every movie on this list seem oscar-worthy, even House of the Dead. So either you guys haven't seen very many movies or our tastes are totally different. 

Exceptions being Jaws 4 (or whichever number with the giant shark), and whichever Hellraiser had the killer DJ's in it. You didn't name them, but alluded to them I'm sure. Those movies were just downright irredeemable. The worst movies I've seen were movies like "The Coca-Cola Kid and "Unhinged." 

Then there are movies that boost expectations and do not deliver. I think just about every movie in this thread falls into that category. The movies don't suck, IMO, they are simply not as good as they made you believe they were going to be. "Aeon Flux," for example, as I enjoyed the dark style of the animated series with minimal backstory, then the movie comes along all bright & cheery with tons of exposition and a happy ending. Bah! If the movie had been called "Trouble in Happy Land," or something to that extent, I probably would not have felt strongly about it.

I think that you could easily argue that any Hollywood movie falls in the category of missing expectations, though. However, that is highly subjective. The movies that really do not have redeeming qualities to them and are truly awful are never going to be talked about in the sort of detail as the ones mentioned here.

Also, some movies are laughably bad. I really enjoy those as well...movies like "Beowulf" (not the new one, but the futuristic one), and "The Stuff," are great experiences to watch, because you can't help but think that the film makers realized how bad it was and at some point just decided to have fun with it.


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## MFB (Sep 8, 2010)

Shrooms.

This thing was the biggest piece of garbage and filled with the most ass backwards info on what shrooms are actually like. Shitty acting, shitty plot, dumb characters in general I suppose; and a lot of time seeing the same seen twice or even three times. And for being a horror movie - there's only ONE time where we see some tits, and they're fucking pathetic little shitty tits.


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## Konfyouzd (Sep 8, 2010)

I'm not sure I've ever made it through a single movie that I thought was terrible... 

And for the record... Whoever compared Avatar (which I haven't seen, but you DID say it sucks) to Fern Gully... 

... Fern Gully was awesome


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## EcoliUVA (Sep 8, 2010)

groph said:


> Title says it all. List movies that you think suck total ass and give a brief explanation why so it isn't a bunch of boring lists and so we can have at least an intelligent flame war.
> 
> ALLOW ME TO DEMONSTRATE
> 
> 3) Avatar - No, I am not just saying this to sound edgy. Complete overhype. Nothing about that movie blew me away. Yeah, the special effects were great (probably some of the best CGI ever) but nowadays special effects are fucking everywhere. The 3D part of the movie just gave me a headache. The plot was completely generic and there was absolutely nothing I haven't seen before. I can't believe people actually killed themselves over this monotonous children's story.


 
Well said. I'm glad someone else here can think for themselves. I hated this POS, overadvertised, overhyped failfest.



groph said:


> 4) 300 - You read that correctly. Same as above. After the 4,000th Persian was tossed down a bottomless pit by a man in the throes of an agonizing hernia it started to get stale. Wasn't half as "OMGEPIC" as it was cracked up to be. People really shouldn't talk about movies until I see them. I did like the scene where Leonidas's wife shanks that dude.


 
Stop listening to your head and start listening to your balls. They're telling you this movie is fucking awesome. They grew 50% bigger by the end of it. Did you even notice? Shame on you.


----------



## oldbulllee (Sep 8, 2010)

Against the dark
2009. Steven Seagal.
if you think anything stated above is bad, try to endure this piece of shit all the way through.
THE worst movie i have ever seen, and i am utterly serious when i say that.
everything is REALLY bad. acting, directing, production, story.... not one segment of what makes a film is even bearable.
i had to see it to the end, as i could not believe a film can be so consistently bad.


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## Konfyouzd (Sep 8, 2010)

DJENTxCORE901 said:


> Twilight is helping to destroy mankind.
> 
> All i have to say.


----------



## josh pelican (Sep 8, 2010)

There is no need for me to explain why this movie sucked...

Have any you watched The Dead Hate The Living? Slaughterhouse Massacre?

Fuck, those movies were awful. Two more I won't even bother getting into. Just watch trailers or something. Fucking terrible shit.

Zombie Strippers fucking sucked, too... and I'm a huge horror buff and have a rather extensive collection of movies. I want to sell the last three I mentioned. I don't own Thirteen and never will.


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## bostjan (Sep 8, 2010)

josh pelican said:


> Have any you watched The Dead Hate The Living?



Darn, I liked that movie.


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## All_¥our_Bass (Sep 8, 2010)

Anyone ever see "The Time Guardian"? 
Though it sorta falls in that 'so bad it's good'/campy category.


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## mmr007 (Sep 8, 2010)

Rob Zombie's treatment of Halloween 2....michael myers looking like Zakk Wylde dressed as a skater punk dreaming of mommy and unicorns?

Any movie with Renee Zellwegger

Any movie with Will Smith (Hancock, I am Legend, Indepedence Day)

Nims Island (sucks having kids sometimes....you see stupid shit like this)

Any zombie movie with George Romero's name attached

Any Star Wars movie

Top Gun (seriously, russians are coming and we need the two idiots who just graduated from the flight school, plus the music causes anal warts)


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## Krankguitarist (Sep 8, 2010)

There is no "suck".

There are only movies that entertain you, and movies that do not entertain you.

Anyways, a recent one for me was "The Road". Watched it, and while it was decently acted, everything felt very cold, bleak, and (this was the kicker) impersonal. I'm a fan of dark flicks, but this was just a dreary, trudging dirge with an ending that I thought fell victim to deus ex machina for a sense of resolution. Can't say I recommend it.


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## All_¥our_Bass (Sep 9, 2010)

Krankguitarist said:


> There is no "suck".
> 
> There are only movies that entertain you, and movies that do not entertain you.


Then there's badly made movies, and badly made movies that don't entertain you.


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## brainchild (Sep 9, 2010)

shoot em up - most ridiculous piece of shit i've seen in a long time, but yet I had this uncontrollable attraction to see it all the way through. damn.


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## maliciousteve (Sep 9, 2010)

Scar Symmetry said:


> JUNO. Because nothing happens and they play 18 variations of the same song throughout.




I fucking hated that film. Ellen Page plays a socially awkward teenage slut along side another socially awkward teenage twat. Ensue awkward film that doesn't go any where and you finish feeling you just lost a part of yourself for watching such shit.


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## maliciousteve (Sep 9, 2010)

Zombie movies. They're all the fucking same!


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## josh pelican (Sep 9, 2010)

mmr007 said:


> Any movie with Renee Zellwegger


 
Thaaaank yoooouuuu.



mmr007 said:


> Any zombie movie with George Romero's name attached


 
This is a pretty bold statement... You are the first person I've ever heard say this. I mean, there are zombie movies that people say are better... but this is absurd.

The original zombies back in the day are still awesome. Slow moving, dumb as a brick, ripped your neck, and tore apart shit. Don't get me wrong, I love when you see hundreds of zombies running at you and tearing you apart, but think about how it all started. I know Romero didn't invent zombie movies, but The Night of the Living Dead is a fucking classic. I own several different copies of it.


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## Konfyouzd (Sep 9, 2010)

brainchild said:


> shoot em up - most ridiculous piece of shit i've seen in a long time, but yet I had this uncontrollable attraction to see it all the way through. damn.


 
This movie blows donkey balls... The opening scene he's shootin' up a bunch of ppl and there's a lady having a baby in the room... Already weird... Then he shoots the cord to cut it... That's about the point where I turned that shit off.


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## thefool (Sep 9, 2010)

the fog was a horrible movie, one of the worst movies i've ever seen though was the hurt locker, there was barely any suspense and the movie was going no where the whole time.

so *orb451* and *groph* since the majority of the movies you said suck I like, what movies do you like.


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## bostjan (Sep 9, 2010)

Re: Shoot 'em Up



Konfyouzd said:


> This movie blows donkey balls... The opening scene he's shootin' up a bunch of ppl and there's a lady having a baby in the room... Already weird... Then he shoots the cord to cut it... That's about the point where I turned that shit off.



It's satire.


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## Konfyouzd (Sep 9, 2010)

bostjan said:


> Re: Shoot 'em Up
> 
> 
> 
> It's satire.


 
Oh... Suddenly it's a good movie... 

I was not amused...


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## bostjan (Sep 9, 2010)

Konfyouzd said:


> Oh... Suddenly it's a good movie...
> 
> I was not amused...



No, but watching less than five minutes of the movie hardly supports your point. I'm not saying it was a great movie, either, but I watched the whole thing and never felt that the movie was nearly as bad as I hear a lot of younger guys saying it was.

It's totally cool if you didn't like the movie, or whatever movie. The only thing I fail to understand is why you expected "Shoot 'em Up" to be anything other than what it was. The title alone made it pretty obvious to me what the movie was going to be like, and there was a time ages ago when movies just like that would make people laugh. These days, if a movie makes fun of how bad another movie is, most kids will call it a terrible movie for the same reasons the movie was made in the first place.


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## Konfyouzd (Sep 9, 2010)

I said that I was not amused. Whenever someone says a movie is bad it means that they weren't impressed by it. Your explanation makes me no more impressed by this shitty movie. I understand that it's a movie of the "Scary Movie" variety, but a lot of those kinds of movies just plain suck. Deal with it.

Have a nice day, sir.


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## technomancer (Sep 9, 2010)

thefool said:


> the fog was a horrible movie



Which one? The remake was fucking awful, the original is one of my favorite horror films.


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## Krauthammer (Sep 14, 2010)

This thread is full of win. Has a "Maddox"-like cynicism. Which is also full of win. Anyways:


Congo: This movie really is one of the most terrible movies I've ever seen. This came out when I was about 12 and I could still tell that it was complete dogshit. A telecommunications company takes a sign-language intelligent gorilla into the congo in hopes of finding a giant diamond for some satelite bullshit for their mid 90's technology. Most of the crew killed, they release the gorilla and throw away the diamond. Wow, how fucking pointless. 2 hrs wasted! Can we do it again?

Crank 2: Quite possibly the worst film of all time. Really. I actually enjoyed the 1st Crank film, even if it was a mindless action movie. This starts out at the end of the 1st film; and is a complete shitstorm of matrix-like action sequences mixed with anime, mixed with MTV, and maybe that asshole John Mayer. I made it through, but I could not believe the level of destitute failure that was on the screen. 

Independence Day: Movie was heavily hyped because of the aliens invading, destroying the White House, and trying to take over the world. Neat? Nearly 3 hrs of non-progressive dialogue, weak special effects even for the 90's, generic storyline. I can't even finish this movie pissed me off so bad. 

Roland Emmerich makes incredibly shitty movies.


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## El Caco (Sep 14, 2010)

I love so many movies mentioned in this thread.

Get Shorty - The only movie I have ever watched at a Cinema that I found so boring I fell asleep.

Japanese Love Story - They succeeded in making a movie where everything was stupid beyond belief.

Punch Drunk Love - Needs no explanation.


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## jymellis (Sep 14, 2010)

the crow city of angles, awesome way to destroy a great movie and story, they could have atleast stuck to the book a little bit


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## synrgy (Sep 14, 2010)

jymellis said:


> the crow city of angles



+1 they totally RUINED it. Brandon Lee was rolling in his grave, I'm sure.

*Alien vs Hunter* -- I'm all for some cheese, but this was just trash. Trust me, don't waste your time. I'll NEVER forgive myself for watching it.

*Leonard 6* -- Arguably the worst movie of all time. Bill Cosby wrote, produced, and starred in it. I don't think I need to elaborate much more than that to justify it belonging here.

Anything with *Adrian Brody* in it. He didn't just manage to mangle Predators; He even ruined a fucking WES ANDERSON film for me (the Darjeeling Limited), and I *love* that guy's films otherwise.

Anything directed, produced, or otherwise attached to *M Knight Shyamalan*. I don't know what's worse; that his films keep getting green-lit, or that people keep going to see them.

*Braveheart* -- Because it's a great film that I will never be able to watch again, thanks to it's director/star being such a _colossal_ douchebag off-screen.

*the Constant Gardner* -- Because it's more exciting to watch slugs copulate than it is to watch this film, and also because it's just one of those movies that I can't help but feel like is made for the sole purpose of soliciting Oscar nominations.

*the Pelican Brief* -- Because fuck Julia Roberts. That's why.

*Cheaper by the Dozen* -- Dear Hollywood, please stop allowing Steve Martin to make such terrible choices. Love, Carl!.

*Paycheck* -- 

*National Treasure* -- Dear Nicholas Cage, please die in a fire. Love, Carl!.

I should stop there, because honestly, I could do this ALL DAY. I have pages and pages and pages of 1 star movies in my Netflix account.


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## shredfreak (Sep 14, 2010)

Avatar: tried watching it twice, fell asleep twice.Although i have to say i nearly finished it the second time.

Resident evil afterlife: weakest one in the series, too predictable and the epic fights are too short to be considered epic.

Anything after the original crow: more or less same story, horrible actors with little to no stage presence. 

The new prophecy movies: The ones with christopher walken were good only because he was in it & basicly carried the movies all on his own. The new ones don't do shit all. 

Hellraiser movies: hurrr where to start... after the second one it went downhill. Untill number 4 it's bearable to watch but then there's less & less pinhead in each movie with even more redundant storylines. Hopefully the remake will have all the good stuff from the book so fingers crossed for not another half assed barker job.

Wes craven movies: Boring, predictable, and creator of imo the worst horror icon even (ie, freddy). Watched tons of his movies but didn't like half of them & the other half i didnt even finish.

Uwe Boll: no explanation needed... Why he refuses to adapt the original storyline from bloodrayne is a mystery. 

Childs play: wtf did i just watch??? nice a doll with a bad mouth 
Don't know how they made so many follow ups to the original one since that one sucked ass to begin with.

Cube zero: a great way to destroy the mystery of the previous 2. Just avoid this piece of crap at all cost.

Can think of more but its long enough already methinks


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## synrgy (Sep 14, 2010)

Damn, I forgot one that's really important to mention, so that any of you who are thinking about watching it know to skip it:

*the Strangers* -- WORST [horror/thriller/whatever it's failing in its attempt to be] that I've EVER seen. The entire group of people I went with left the theater cursing, and warning all the people walking into the theater to get their money back before wasting their time like we did.

"Because you were home..." 

Shame, too. I generally like Liv Tyler's movies.


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## Cabinet (Sep 14, 2010)

Inglorious Basterds
The trailer was a lying piece of shit and made it look like an intense shooter but it was a few hours of bullshit drama with a tiny bit of gore. I watched it expecting to see people dying left and right but got something totally different.


----------



## dumbledore (Sep 16, 2010)

*Resident Evil: Afterlife*
I've literally just finished watching it, and let me assure you, it's the worst one of the series. 
They've over-done it in my opinion, was too "matrix-y" sure, watching bullets in slow mo fly past someone as they weaved out of the way was cool back in '99, but it looks tacky in this for me. 
I enjoyed the RE series prior to this, easy to get into etc etc. But I couldn't really get into this until good ol' Wentworth Miller made an appearance as Chris Redfield, but even then, it was still poor. The fights were pretty woeful and short. The storyline was pretty predictable and the film on the whole had no real, what I would call "structure". 

*The Human Centipede*
The name speaks for itself. Poor acting too. It would of appealed to me abit more, had they of shown the weird German doctor in a different light, so that you could see what makes him tick. But that's just my opinion of course, I've always had a fascination with the human mind. 

*Doomsday*
Was just shocking. The "infection" was just, ludicrous. The only good thing was to see a Bentley in it!

*Bangkok Adrenaline*
Some pretty good fight choreography, but the storyline's abit bad in this also! Well worth the search on youtube for the fight scenes, albeit not on the level of Bruce Lee, Tony Jaa etc. But still rather good.

*Fighting*
A film with Channing Tatum in it, the storyline was weak, yet again. Was too predictable


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## Cabinet (Sep 16, 2010)

dumbledore said:


> *The Human Centipede*
> The name speaks for itself. Poor acting too. It would of appealed to me abit more, had they of shown the weird German doctor in a different light, so that you could see what makes him tick. But that's just my opinion of course, I've always had a fascination with the human mind.


I love these kinds of movies. Very generic and terrible yet entertaining.
However I thought they did pretty well making the German doctor look very creepy.


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## Chris Bowsman (Sep 16, 2010)

I tried to watch The Boondock Saints last night. It was really bad.


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## Xaios (Sep 16, 2010)

Cabinet said:


> Inglorious Basterds
> The trailer was a lying piece of shit and made it look like an intense shooter but it was a few hours of bullshit drama with a tiny bit of gore. I watched it expecting to see people dying left and right but got something totally different.



Alas, sounds like the reasons you disliked it are the very reasons I loved it. When there was action, there was LOTS of action, but I always thought the lead-up to said action was wonderful as well. The tension in the first scene alone was amazing.


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## Chris Bowsman (Sep 16, 2010)

Xaios said:


> Alas, sounds like the reasons you disliked it are the very reasons I loved it. When there was action, there was LOTS of action, but I always thought the lead-up to said action was wonderful as well. The tension in the first scene alone was amazing.



I agree completely. Fantastic movie.


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## MaxOfMetal (Sep 16, 2010)

Xaios said:


> Alas, sounds like the reasons you disliked it are the very reasons I loved it. When there was action, there was LOTS of action, but I always thought the lead-up to said action was wonderful as well. The tension in the first scene alone was amazing.





I went in expecting a typical, mindless, Tarantino-style gore fest, but was really surprised. In a good way of course. 

Admittedly of course, I could have easily gone for more Donowitz (Roth) baseball bat flurries and Stiglitz (Schweiger) knifing, but it didn't ruin the movie for me.

EDIT: Fixed grammar.


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## Chris Bowsman (Sep 16, 2010)

MaxOfMetal said:


> ... a typical, mindless Tarantino gore fest ...



Just out of curiosity, which of his movies are like this?


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## MaxOfMetal (Sep 16, 2010)

Chris Bowsman said:


> Just out of curiosity, which of his movies are like this?



I meant Tarantino styled gore fest (you can't tell me he doesn't love blood sometimes). I wasn't implying that all his movies are mindless either. 

I said typical in reference to what action movies are these days, just shoot'em up blood and guts. Nothing wrong with it, it was just nice to see this movie was different than I, and many, thought it was going to be.

Not hating on Tarantino.


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## josh pelican (Sep 16, 2010)

thefool said:


> the fog was a horrible movie, one of the worst movies i've ever seen though was the hurt locker, there was barely any suspense and the movie was going no where the whole time.
> 
> so *orb451* and *groph* since the majority of the movies you said suck I like, what movies do you like.



Geoff (groph) only likes Starship Troopers.


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## Krankguitarist (Sep 17, 2010)

josh pelican said:


> Geoff (groph) only likes Starship Troopers.



Thus a movie I saw when I was in Junior High, said "OMG so much action, aliens invading and tits awesom3!!!1!!1one!"

Saw it again a few years later, said "Fuck, this movie's all cheese, fuck this".

Saw it again a few years later: "Oh! It's a satire! I get it now! And tits! Awesom3!!!!!1!!121!!!one!"


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## Mattayus (Sep 17, 2010)

Zodiac - A movie about the true story of the Zodiac serial killer who went on his spree in the late 60's. The movie had a 2 hour running time roughly, which meant it was about 1 hour and 59 minutes too long. Despite the fairly good cast (Robert Downy ftw!) it just seemed to end... and then carry on. Again and again. It summarized, wrapped up, crescendo'd.... THEN CONTINUED! OVER AND OVER! It was like a reoccurring nightmare  With no substance!



groph said:


> 6) Star Wars - Episode III - Hayden Christiansen needs to stop acting, or at least die. Don't get me wrong here, Star Wars is probably the greatest achievement of Western culture, but Hayden Christiansen is hands down the worst actor. Jar Jar Binks is less annoying.



You, sir, win at life  
I can't believe that the boy (Jake Lloyd) who played Anakin in Episide I was slashed by critics, and dubbed "Mannequin Skywalker" (great pun, though!) for his acting... HE WAS 9!! Yet nobody mention Hayden Chrstiansen's diabolical tirade that reigned bullshit on the films that are my life  From his first appearance to the teeth-grindingly awkward final scene, he was just fucking shit through and through.

I know Lucas has a penchant for picking fairly undiscovered actors but c'moooooooooooooooonnnnn!!!!!!!!!


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## liamh (Sep 17, 2010)

Juno was crap.
The pretentious indie-folk made me rage. "Monkey on the back is the latest thing" 
And what the hell is up with the whole "And it ended with a chair" thing?
Adulthood was another shit film. Go away Plan B, you cannot act.


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## synrgy (Sep 17, 2010)

Mattayus said:


> I know Lucas has a penchant for picking fairly undiscovered actors but c'moooooooooooooooonnnnn!!!!!!!!!



Funny.. I thought his penchant was for writing God-awful dialog.


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## josh pelican (Sep 17, 2010)

The Blair Witch Project.

"OMG JOSH!"

*guy standing in corner*

End movie.


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## groph (Sep 17, 2010)

Cabinet said:


> Inglorious Basterds
> The trailer was a lying piece of shit and made it look like an intense shooter but it was a few hours of bullshit drama with a tiny bit of gore. I watched it expecting to see people dying left and right but got something totally different.


 
Same, I figured it'd be good like Reservoir Dogs or something. Oddly, Reservoir Dogs is the only Tarantino movie I've seen that I've thoroughly enjoyed. I didn't care for the style of Basterds at all. It did have a few good points, though. The Bear Jew scene where the dude gets beaten to death with a bat is difficult to watch (I've seen the part in Irreversible where a guy gets killed with a fire extinguisher, I know that's worse), and the guy playing the German officer (Landa?) is a fucking fantastic actor.



thefool said:


> the fog was a horrible movie, one of the worst movies i've ever seen though was the hurt locker, there was barely any suspense and the movie was going no where the whole time.
> 
> so *orb451* and *groph* since the majority of the movies you said suck I like, what movies do you like.


 
Have you any idea how many movies have been made?



josh pelican said:


> Geoff (groph) only likes Starship Troopers.


 
Pretty much this.


I've seen a few shitty movies recently so I'll add some more.

The Cube - This could have been really cool. The concept is awesome but the entire movie is wrecked by the horrifically over the top acting. The plot is pretty foggy too, nothing is really explained. Apparently the sequels are better so I'll give them a shot. This movie fucking sucked, though.

Pandorum - The gore and shit is cool, and the little mutant kid is creepy as fuck but that's about it. Muddy plot, nothing really new.

The Other Guys - WILL FARREL PLAYS THE SAME FUCKING CHARACTER IN EVERY FUCKING MOVIE.

Example of a typical "comedic" scene involving Will.

-Will in a social situation
-Something the audience is supposed to percieve as funny happens
-Will begins to explain literally what just happened
-Will points out the awkwardness in said event
-Will continues to elaborate about how awkward the "funny" event was
-People start leaving
-Will comments on the people leaving, saying that they are leaving.

Mark Wahlberg fits into this movie like a Jew in an auction (neg rep me when you're done laughing). He's alright in movies where he's allowed to be an asshole, and his being a dick is not meant to be funny. He's a "serious movie" actor. Pretty much everything he says is at least twice as loud as what Will says, and is completely inappropriate.

Example.

Mark - Did you play Cops and Robbers as a kid?
Will - Geoff doesn't remember everything I said, but I gave my parents an audit when I was eight
Mark (yelling) - WHO ARE YOU?

Mark's character eliminates the tiny chance of Will being funny by overstating how funny the scenes are supposed to be. I wouldn't recommend ever exchanging jokes with the whoever wrote Mark's lines if you ever come across him. There was one funny part in the movie, and this is speaking in relative terms. If this funny part were in a greater comedy, it would be a lesser joke by far. Actually the hobos who used Will's car as an "F-shack" (they snuck in and had orgies) or whatever was kind of funny too, even though I never knew hobos were known for having group sex in abandoned cars.

Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem - If this movie wasn't entirely fucking righteous it would suck so terribly. Luckily, the completely predictable plot is cancelled out by a girl getting pinned to a wall with a massive shuriken, a nursery full of babies getting massacred by xenomorphs, Predaliens, Xenomorphs, Predators, unjustified nuclear detonations, a father and son getting the facehugger treatment, a girl's father getting gruesomely killed before her eyes, and a pregnant woman having her unborn children twisted and mutated into ravenous xenomorph offspring. This movie certainly goes really, really far for a theater release. If you can laugh at abortions, you could probably stomach this movie. In fair, objective terms, this movie is an abomination. But because it's an abomination, it's awesome. So in my opinion it's really good, but in "their" opinion it's inhumanely terrible.

EDIT: OH OH I REMEMBERED ANOTHER ONE

Live! - it involves a television production team trying to get a game show based on Russian Roulette on the air. Eva Mendes is in it. This movie is fucking retarded. They basically just have six participants and a gun with one bullet in it (or there might be multiple guns with any number of bullets, this is the biggest plothole - the show is obviously rigged. Unless they explained it in the movie, I must have missed that part) and they pass the gun around, pulling the trigger. If they don't die, they win $5 million. Imagine how exciting that must be. OH WOW THE FIRST PERSON TO PUT THE GUN TO HIS HEAD DIDN'T DIE! OH SHIT NEITHER DID THE SECOND ONE! FUCK THE THIRD ONE LIVED TOO! I WONDER WHO IS GOING TO DIE!


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## Xaios (Sep 17, 2010)

groph said:


> The Other Guys - WILL FARREL PLAYS THE SAME FUCKING CHARACTER IN EVERY FUCKING MOVIE.



You know, I actually enjoyed Will Farrell in Stranger Than Fiction. He succeeded in the playing the "innocuous nice guy" type character that Ben Stiller has failed at played _*so... many... times*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Along_Came_Polly_. Also, the scene in the guitar store in that movie just killed me, it was just dead on.

Will Farrell looks at Les Paul w/ floral paint job.
Narrator: Unfortunately, THIS guitar said, 'When I get back to Georgia, that woman gonna feel my pain.'

Will Farrell looks at Flying V:
Narrator: THIS one said something along the lines of, 'Why yes, these pants ARE lycra.'

Will Farrell looks at acoustic guitars:
Narrator: THESE said, 'I'm very sensitive, very caring, and I have absolutely no idea how to play the guitar.'

I also enjoyed him in Talledega Nights. He was almost as unhinged as he is in nearly every other movie (but not quite), but he's also drawn finely enough as a character that we understand him a bit more, as opposed to him just being all out silliness like in most of his movies.


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## mhickman2 (Sep 17, 2010)

Boondock saints 2. I hoped for them to do a sequel
for years. This was the best troy duffy could do? About as disappointing as an unrelieved boner.


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## Mattayus (Sep 17, 2010)

*Law Abiding Citizen.*

An ok film for the first half an hour. A great one, in fact. But then the characters just become all loose-ended and nondescript. Character dynamic is one of the most important things in films, and if you ain't got it - neither does your script.

Jamie Fox playing an attorney, who runs around with a gun, solving crimes with the police? Police, might I add, that don't bat a fucking eye-lid when they are accompanied BY AN ARMED ATTORNEY!  It's just retarded and really unfathomable. If he had been played as some stress-ridden guy who worked on the side-lines as it slowly ate him and his personal life away then sure, I'd dig it. But c'mon. Judge Judy cannot be Action Man as well


----------



## Xaios (Sep 17, 2010)




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## Mattayus (Sep 18, 2010)

LOL holy shit!


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## kung_fu (Sep 18, 2010)

Nice thread!

I'm sure i'll think of more, but one movie i find extremely overrated is "Reality Bites". First of all, i hated every character in this movie, strange since i'm supposed to identify with them. Ethan Hawke's arty/bullshitty character is just unintentionally hilarious. And why am i supposed to feel bad that Janeane Garofalo may or may not have aids ?(she kept a diary of all the guys she's fucked). I get what they were going for, but to me it seems like they were trying to cover too many Gen X issues in the same movie and as a result it just seems forced.


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## kung_fu (Sep 18, 2010)

Oh, and the wayans brothers need to stop making movies as well. Is it wrong that i'd rather watch a Keenan-Ivory Wayans action flick than one of his comedies? I loved watching the Damon Wayans movies growing up, but there are just too many wayans brothers and not enough of them are funny. The Doctor should sew Mrs Wayans' vagina shut.


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## kung_fu (Sep 18, 2010)

josh pelican said:


> The Blair Witch Project.
> 
> "OMG JOSH!"
> 
> ...




I was soooo sick of seeing that blair witch symbol/logo everywhere when that movie came out.


----------



## synrgy (Sep 22, 2010)

So.. I just recently (finally) caught up with *Shutter Island*..

SO disappointing. Nice twist.. Only saw it coming *from the trailer*, let alone the first 20 minutes of the film. Could have spared me the subsequent 2 hours spelling it out for the people who's IQ is under 10 points, as was clearly the target audience for this film..

Hey, Scorcese: M Knight called, and he wants his only plot device back. Once that's sorted, go back to making gangster movies, please.


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## Scar Symmetry (Sep 22, 2010)

I have to admit when I went to see Inglourious Basterds I was expecting Pulp Fiction 2. Needless to say, I didn't get it.

The Wicker Man remake.

Why? Have you seen it?


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## Scar Symmetry (Sep 22, 2010)

synrgy said:


> So.. I just recently (finally) caught up with *Shutter Island*..
> 
> SO disappointing. Nice twist.. Only saw it coming *from the trailer*, let alone the first 20 minutes of the film. Could have spared me the subsequent 2 hours spelling it out for the people who's IQ is under 10 points, as was clearly the target audience for this film..
> 
> Hey, Scorcese: M Knight called, and he wants his only plot device back. Once that's sorted, go back to making gangster movies, please.



It was actually adapted from a book dude. While the plot was obvious, I watched it a second time round and really got to appreciate it. As far as film-making goes (plot aside) it's about as good as it gets IMO. The cinematography in that film is second to none.


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## synrgy (Sep 22, 2010)

Scar Symmetry said:


> It was actually adapted from a book dude. While the plot was obvious, I watched it a second time round and really got to appreciate it. As far as film-making goes (plot aside) it's about as good as it gets IMO. The cinematography in that film is second to none.



Sorry, but Avatar kinda filled my 'forgoing a mindless plot in favor of presentation' quota for the next decade.


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## Scar Symmetry (Sep 22, 2010)

synrgy said:


> Sorry, but Avatar kinda filled my 'forgoing a mindless plot in favor of presentation' quota for the next decade.



That's something we can agree on, second time round I found it so stupid it was ridiculous.

Seriously though, I am as about as harsh as they get when it comes to film critics, but Shutter Island is way up there with the best of the year in my books.


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## mmr007 (Sep 22, 2010)

synrgy said:


> Sorry, but Avatar kinda filled my 'forgoing a mindless plot in favor of presentation' quota for the next decade.


 
didn't see it, but can I agree with you based on the trailers? 

but maybe worst movie ever?.......We Own The Night


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## Xaios (Sep 22, 2010)

Scar Symmetry said:


> The Wicker Man remake.



Hey look!











It's Nicolas Cage!


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## bostjan (Sep 22, 2010)

The Wicker Man was an epicly great movie. It had laughs, shocks, and creeps... Christopher Lee was awesome in it.

Why, oh WHY, did they think it would be a good idea to remake the movie into a weird feminazi allergic to bees bear costume "ow you broke my leg" pile of rubbish?


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## Herb Dorklift (Sep 23, 2010)

Superbad.

Awful awful film, maybe I'm too old now, or just don't understand American teenager shit. I've never had problem getting beer, nor do I find McLovin humourous.


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## harkonnen8 (Sep 24, 2010)

MAX FUCKING PAYNE

That movie was horrible. Total piece of crap. 


This game took the story from the game and completely 
through it out the window.&#65279; this movie shares almost nothing
in common with the game.


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## liamh (Sep 24, 2010)

Herb Dorklift said:


> Superbad.
> 
> Awful awful film, maybe I'm too old now, or just don't understand American teenager shit. I've never had problem getting beer, nor do I find McLovin humourous.


 3.8 BOOYA MOTHAFUCKAA


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## BuckarooBanzai (Sep 24, 2010)

Krauthammer said:


> This thread is full of win. Has a "Maddox"-like cynicism. Which is also full of win. Anyways:
> 
> 
> Congo: This movie really is one of the most terrible movies I've ever seen. This came out when I was about 12 and I could still tell that it was complete dogshit. A telecommunications company takes a sign-language intelligent gorilla into the congo in hopes of finding a giant diamond for some satelite bullshit for their mid 90's technology. Most of the crew killed, they release the gorilla and throw away the diamond. Wow, how fucking pointless. 2 hrs wasted! Can we do it again?
> ...



Clearly you have not seen Stargate... the film is all sorts of awesome in ways that the TV show is not (stupid Kurt Russell haircut and dialog notwithstanding).


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## Xodus (Sep 29, 2010)

Inception: It was not awful, but was nowhere near as good as advertised. The action was good, but the plot seemed boring. Also, it was advertised as a giant mindfuck. I love giant mindfucks (i.e. Primer) and Inception was definitely not one, no matter how much it wanted to be. The uncertainty added in the last ten minutes seemed tacked on, especially the last scene, the only part that played with peoples minds. I'd give it a 60, but that is so far from what I expected it sucks.

The Human Centipede: Another type of movie I love is that which is extremely sick and twisted. On paper, this would be one, but in actuality, it comes nowhere close. It is nowhere close to sick, and just bored me for an hour and a half.

Dune: This needs no explanation. It took my favourite literary series and made it into something stupid.


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## Bobo (Sep 30, 2010)

Serenity.

Why? Because it didn't get a much fucking deserved sequel  Hell they even could have done a prequel 

Flame my ass.


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## bostjan (Sep 30, 2010)

Bobo said:


> Serenity.
> 
> Why? Because it didn't get a much fucking deserved sequel  Hell they even could have done a prequel
> 
> Flame my ass.



At least there was Firefly


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