# help w/mental health and work?



## vejichan (Feb 2, 2022)

does anybody feel uncomfortable interacting with other people at work or in any social group setting?
i am constantly struggling when i interact with people and this has gone on for years and years mostly at work
the following thoughts are constantly on my mind when i am interacting with people at work

-he/she doesn't like me
-he/she thinks i am boring to talk to
-he/she would rather talk to somebody else
-he/she doesnt want me to work here or be here?

i see the same people when they interact with other people and they laugh and enjoy talking with them, but when it's somehow different with me. maybe this just me and the way i am percieving the situation or misreading things but its a stress that has plagued me for years. Does anybody have any wisdom or advice? please help me understand and learn how to view and handle these thoughts?
FYI< these thoughts are absent when i am interacting with my family members or close friends. Its only with work or any social group setting or people i meet for the 1st time.
Thank you.


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## jaxadam (Feb 2, 2022)

Just be yourself. You spend the first half of your life worried about what other people think, and the other half realizing it never really mattered.


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## budda (Feb 2, 2022)

Does your work have a health/wellness program?


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## vejichan (Feb 2, 2022)

budda said:


> Does your work have a health/wellness program?



unfortunately no..


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## High Plains Drifter (Feb 2, 2022)

From this and all your other posts ( if not trolling) you need to seek interaction with a therapist or mental health professional. You have a history here of not heeding others genuine advice, not replying to others directly, denigrating yourself, and creating illogical and unwarranted assumptions. These are not normal nor healthy traits/ habits. Before you say that you cannot afford to seek help please recognize that you have spoken of supposedly spending thousands of dollars on designer handbags for your wife and high end guitars for yourself. Your mental health is much more worthy of your money and if you do in fact have a wife and children, they are deserving of your attention to this matter.


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## vejichan (Feb 3, 2022)

High Plains Drifter said:


> From this and all your other posts ( if not trolling) you need to seek interaction with a therapist or mental health professional. You have a history here of not heeding others genuine advice, not replying to others directly, denigrating yourself, and creating illogical and unwarranted assumptions. These are not normal nor healthy traits/ habits. Before you say that you cannot afford to seek help please recognize that you have spoken of supposedly spending thousands of dollars on designer handbags for your wife and high end guitars for yourself. Your mental health is much more worthy of your money and if you do in fact have a wife and children, they are deserving of your attention to this matter.



already done that parents invested 10k into therapy sessions when i was a teenager and they didnt really do anything .. its alittle too late for that.. need to invest my earnings for my family from here on end. RIght now the only therapy i have are buying guitar gear/making music/having 1-2 close friends who are willing to listen to me vent/give me guidance and maybe advice from people here but anything involving money will go to my family. Many people/musicians too in this beautiful wonderful world have and are living with mental/physical/emotional issues maybe far worse than what i have. I have a family/kids/a demanding stressful job/play guitar/make music/don't drink or do drugs. I say i'm doing ok. I think its good i recognize and aware of my thoughts/issues and seeking for ways to improve and be better so i guess self therapy is what i am doing.


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## sleewell (Feb 3, 2022)

love the people i work with. it sucked during covid when i was here alone. felt like that guy from lost buried in that container lol. 

just be yourself, look people in the eyes and try to ask them questions. most people are genuinely friendly, if you find a dud just move on and talk to someone else.


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## TedEH (Feb 3, 2022)

I'll admit that the music threads can get frustrating - but _this_ thread - what looks like an honest ask for help, I can get behind that.

And I'll echo what other people said - this is a job for a therapist, not a guitar forum.

IMO what you're describing is a self defeating situation. If you feel awkward you will act awkward and people will respond awkward which will make you feel awkward, repeating infinitely. In other words, addressing the real-world situation is actually a matter of addressing your head-space first. 'Cause there's two possibilities: maybe something about the way you present yourself is putting people off, and it feeds into the loops of awkwardness. OR - people are just being people, and you're over-analyzing people's behaviour to your own detriment. In both cases, your goal should be to equip yourself with the skills to cope/overcome. As in boosting your confidence. As in being tolerant of your own faults. As in lowering your dependence on outside validation.

Maybe step one is to recognize that the feeling of over-analyzing the people around you in terms of "maybe they don't actually like me" etc., is pretty normal. Anxiety is normal. Doubts are normal. Fears are normal. And they aren't inherently "bad". Everyone experiences these things in degrees and they don't mean you're "broken" or whatever other romanticized words people might use. These only become an issue when those feeling dominate your interactions with people, or prevent you from going about your day.

I know you said you've tried therapy but therapy is not a one-off "it worked or it didn't" situation. It's a process. Just like with playing a guitar, you need to work at it, and dedicate the time/resources/effort into it, and not give up on it when it doesn't work right away. I know people who it's taken them decades to find the right doctors and the right treatments for them. It's not easy, but IMO it's the right way, because everything else is a half-measure or a risk of making things worse instead of better.

Take the guitar purchases for example - I usually call that "retail therapy" whenever I'm upset so I go buy things. I do it because I know the short term reward will keep me from focusing on what might be bothering me, and I do the same with video games - sometimes I'll escape into games as a means to shut the brain off for a while - but I know that I'm doing it, and I've built up the will power it takes to keep those kinds of coping mechanisms in proper moderation so that I can eventually return to addressing what's actually bothering me. What I mean by this is that you _can_ use music as a coping mechanism, but it's not a solution, and vices - _all_ vices - need to be moderated so that they don't take the place of real solutions.

Talk to your family man. A supportive family will want to see the best for you, and I hope they'd urge you to do the right thing.

Good luck, man. Despite the arguing on music topics, we do wish the best for you.


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## Demiurge (Feb 3, 2022)

vejichan said:


> already done that parents invested 10k into therapy sessions when i was a teenager and they didnt really do anything .. its alittle too late for that.. need to invest my earnings for my family from here on end.



Well, you can always go to a different therapist than the one you saw back then. There's no "too late" for looking out for your health. In terms of "investing" in your family, that should include the health of the husband/father, too. Like Ted said, your family will want the best for you. Nobody is expecting martyrdom from you.

Regarding getting along with people at work, there's no obligation to be friends with your coworkers, but remember that you're all in the same situation, working to get through the day, and they're probably thinking more about their own work than they are judging others, including you.


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## profwoot (Feb 3, 2022)

It's never too late to get help, and maintaining one's mental health is a lifelong process. As we've seen with half of America going completely insane, keeping one's grip on reality is not a given, particularly in stressful times. 

Therapists can't "fix" anything; they can only help you understand yourself, which if you ask me is the absolute best thing you can do for yourself and those around you. And yes, therapists differ drastically in quality so you will likely need to shop around. It's worth it.


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## Adieu (Feb 3, 2022)

Seems like you have social anxiety. You need some kind of social extracurricular activity, preferably of the team spirit/group support type thing.

Like a casual team sport or (I can't believe I'm saying this) some kind of mellow* church

* be very very careful... there are a LOT of scammers and crazies who prey on people who join faiths for the community feeling


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## jaxadam (Feb 3, 2022)

If you really need the self-confidence starter pack, get some Afflictions shirts, Buffalo David Bitton jeans, Versace Eau Fraiche cologne, some Timberland 6"s, and a fade with a #1 guard. Roll up in that bitch and jus' be spittin' some fire. I know this from experience, I have leveled up to Affliction boxer shorts. Just make sure the Affliction shirt says "Live Fast". This is a non-negotiable.


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## Adieu (Feb 3, 2022)

jaxadam said:


> If you really need the self-confidence starter pack, get some Afflictions shirts, Buffalo David Bitton jeans, Versace Eau Fraiche cologne, some Timberland 6"s, and a fade with a #1 guard. Roll up in that bitch and jus' be spittin' some fire. I know this from experience, I have leveled up to Affliction boxer shorts. Just make sure the Affliction shirt says "Live Fast". This is a non-negotiable.



Hmm I started with #s 1 and 2 in my early 20s...and had decent results with a bunch of married ladies.

No idea what the rest of that stuff is. Wth is a Timberland?

PS I bought that stuff for $29.95ish a pop at Marshall's tho


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## High Plains Drifter (Feb 3, 2022)

vejichan said:


> does anybody feel uncomfortable interacting with other people at work or in any social group setting?
> i am constantly struggling when i interact with people and this has gone on for years and years mostly at work
> the following thoughts are constantly on my mind when i am interacting with people at work
> 
> ...





vejichan said:


> already done that parents invested 10k into therapy sessions when i was a teenager and they didnt really do anything .. its alittle too late for that.. need to invest my earnings for my family from here on end. RIght now the only therapy i have are buying guitar gear/making music/having 1-2 close friends who are willing to listen to me vent/give me guidance and maybe advice from people here but anything involving money will go to my family. Many people/musicians too in this beautiful wonderful world have and are living with mental/physical/emotional issues maybe far worse than what i have. I have a family/kids/a demanding stressful job/play guitar/make music/don't drink or do drugs. I say i'm doing ok. I think its good i recognize and aware of my thoughts/issues and seeking for ways to improve and be better so i guess self therapy is what i am doing.



Since I don't know you, I'll go off of your persona here on SSO. You've mentioned recently that when you log on here, you don't read anyone else's threads and that appears true because I don't ever see you interact or support others on SSO outside of your own threads... totally cool. But if this is the way that you are IRL, then that could certainly be a problem regarding how others see you and how they interact with you. 

Regardless, you've previously made it clear that you are passionate about your family and that absolutely should be super important. But if you've decided that it's also important to have a better relationship with some of the people that you work with, then you need to show an interest what they're into and the things that they talk about. If their lives and interests don't appeal to you then why bother trying to establish a deeper connection with them? 

There will always be people that don't care for certain people nor have any interest in interacting with them.. especially in the work place. You can't change that and you shouldn't expend your emotional energy worrying about it. I understand people's advice that you have to "just be yourself" but that's something that we all pretty much know how to do. One might naturally assume that you ARE being yourself and if you're not, then that should definitely be a concern lol. Simply being yourself isn't going to automatically mean that everyone will like you. 

I do have a suspicion that the whole premise of your original post isn't necessarily what this is about though. Your inquiry is quite rudimentary in nature and from piecing together this post with your others, I feel like this may be more about you wanting to have further interaction or validation from the audience here on SSO... which is understandable if that's the case. The community here is pretty easy to open up to and awfully damn cool. I just hope that you're being transparent here as I'm probably not the only one that sometimes questions the legitimacy of your posts. 

But I do stand by my original post that you argued against and if I'm to believe the sincerity of your reply to me, Ill dissect it a little bit here: 

> "already done that parents invested 10k into therapy sessions when i was a teenager and they didnt really do anything .. its alittle too late for that" 

That's not at all necessarily true. You may not identify with how or if those sessions were helpful but they very well might've been in some regard or to some degree. Also... No it's not too late to try other methods of therapy nor other therapists, psychologists, or psychiatrists. We continue to evolve as adults and to take on new emotional and mental challenges throughout our lives. It is not outright too late nor useless to seek help with our emotional and mental concerns at various stages of life. 

> "need to invest my earnings for my family from here on end." 

Part of the investment of your earnings is investing in yourself... physically, mentally, and emotionally. Kids may not understand that but your spouse absolutely should. Buying material possessions for yourself or for others is NOT sustainable therapy despite that we often times like to feel that it is. At the very least, it is not an outright substitute for someone who MAY be in need of counseling. One could argue that making music is indeed therapeutic but again... to a point and not necessarily a substitute for other proven avenues of guidance. 

> "Many people/musicians too in this beautiful wonderful world have and are living with mental/physical/emotional issues maybe far worse than what i have." 

That's always good to recognize and that observation may well be but as individuals, making these kinds of comparisons provides little of value regarding our emotional and mental health. Thoughts like this may serve as a positive reminder or as a tool in managing our anxiety, depression, etc... but we are all different and we all have different needs. 

> "I have a family/kids/a demanding stressful job/play guitar/make music/don't drink or do drugs. I say i'm doing ok. I think its good i recognize and aware of my thoughts/issues and seeking for ways to improve and be better so i guess self therapy is what i am doing." 

That's great and recognizing those personal assets is admirable and necessary. Anyway... I've given you my opinions in regards to your inquiry that I've taken at face value as well as from a deeper perspective. Do with it what you will and please stay well.


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## pondman (Feb 3, 2022)

Just maybe, your work mates are dicks. When I was an engineer I hated every single person in the work shop except a Jamaican guy that had more or less the same attitude as me.
He once asked me what I thought of the other workers and i told him exactly what I thought. We became good friends after that and I still meet up with him now and again.
Sometimes the answer can be simple...but I maybe wrong


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## vejichan (Feb 3, 2022)

Huge thanks to the support and advice everybody. Gave me a lot to think about.


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## vejichan (Feb 4, 2022)

Taking the train to work and thanks to all the suggestions and advice, i am able to think better about my situation at work. At this point in my life, the relationships that really matter is those with my family and my kids and my close friends. I guess this really isnt an issue about making friends at work but more of stopping /counter these thoughts which have plagued me my entire life. These negative thoughts have damaged potential relationships in the past and continues even now adding unneeded stress and worries.i am just using self therapy and trying to counter these thoughts with positive. For example when i have these thoughts...why does having a connection or relationship even matter with the people at work? Does it help to pay the bills? Maybe i dont have to connect with everyone and thats fine. Focus on the job and forget everything else.


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## TedEH (Feb 4, 2022)

It's normal to want to be well received by the people around you. If it's bothering you, you're doing the right thing by reaching out. Next step is to apply the advice you've been given. And we'll reiterate that a therapist can help with that. Speaking to a therapist is not a defeat. Try to think of therapy less as a doctor or treatment, and more like a partner or ally, a tool, a resource, a healthy alternative to vices, a voice to have along with you on your mission to better yourself.


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## jaxadam (Feb 4, 2022)

vejichan said:


> Taking the train to work and thanks to all the suggestions and advice, i am able to think better about my situation at work. At this point in my life, the relationships that really matter is those with my family and my kids and my close friends. I guess this really isnt an issue about making friends at work but more of stopping /counter these thoughts which have plagued me my entire life. These negative thoughts have damaged potential relationships in the past and continues even now unneeded stress and worries.i am just using self therapy and trying to counter these thoughts with positive. For example when i have these thoughts...why does having a connection or relationship even matter with the people at work? Does it help to pay the bills? Maybe i dont have to connect with everyone and thats fine. Focus on the job and forget everything else.



Here’s a strange trick…. When we tell people something about our life or hobby, we don’t need to go into detail because their mind will fill in the gaps subconsciously drawing on all of their past experiences. Try having a conversation with very limited input, and see if they engage differently or more proactively. Same with them talking about their life/interests with you. People are different, and it’s fair to respect others’ lifestyles, hobbies and opinions. Develop boundaries with certain people you do not click with. Don’t necessarily ignore them, just don’t emotionally invest in engaging as much with them.


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## ArtDecade (Feb 4, 2022)

Everyone I work with daily is my subordinate. I keep things cordial but I don't get too personal - friendly, not friends.


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## Alberto7 (Feb 4, 2022)

Therapy, my dude, therapy.

I've seen people as reluctant about therapy as you are finally relent, and it's helped them immensely after finding the right professional.

Shop around for a therapist like you shop around for gear and you will:
A) Find a therapist that suits your needs and personality
B) Spend less money in the process than buying gear
C) Be happier in the long term


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## RevDrucifer (Feb 4, 2022)

There’s a very simple way to change the way people interact with you- treat everyone *PRECISELY* how you want to be treated. Everything else will fall into place. 

Greet people the way you want to be greeted, listen to them the way you want to be listened to, interact with them the way you want to be interacted with. We’re a varied bunch of personalities, not everyone is going to gel with you and that’s perfectly fine. Still, interact with them how you want to be interacted with. 

Unless you’re a masochist, you’ll be good to go. And if you’re a masochist, well…then treat everyone like shit. 

If you want people to smile when they see you, smile when you see them. If you want people to say “Hello!” with a smile on their face, do it to them first. 

As for therapy, I highly recommend it. If you’re not jiving with your therapist, find a new one. No guitar or expensive handbag will provide you with the life tools a good therapist can. They’ll merely serve as a temporary “I have this now!” satisfaction and once that wears off, you’re back to feeling like shit.

When my marriage was falling apart I got into therapy and after 2 weeks of having a therapist make nothing but wrong assumptions about me and the situation I was in, I told them I’d be finding a new one. I’ve never had a therapist argue with me and tell me how I was feeling. I speak very directly and am very well in touch with my emotions and how to explain them. This person just couldn’t help but to interject their own experiences into mine and they were so far off base I knew it wasn’t going anywhere. It wasn’t a thing of them not telling me what I wanted to hear, it was a thing of them not hearing what I was saying at all. 

I changed therapist and found a great one, problem solved.


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## vejichan (Feb 4, 2022)

I get it but therapy cost money.. gone thru it when i was a teenager. Ran my parents around 10k. I personally didnt think it helped any or at all other than allow me to vent and analyze my thoughts which could have been achieved with my close friends...unfortunately not many people..family included can take you talking about issues since they got their own. Tbh at the end of the day, for my hard earned money i rather put that toward my family or if any left over new guitar gear. Conclusion...i rather spend my hard earned money on guitar gear. My issues suck but they arent as bad as they were. The new guitar gear is added incentive and will motivate me to wake up and take the abuse i get at work everyday. For now, close friends and helpful people here will have to do to help me deal with these issues. I have accepted that my issues will not go away but i will admit i have made tremendous progress from when i was in my early 20s stuck at home depressed and alone with no friends and no job..now married to a beautiful wife with 2 wonferful kids, traveled and lived in different countries, worked abroad and in different design and video production companies, learned 3 foreign languages, larned how to record and actually made an album. My negative thoughts were worse back then and i used to blame it on other people and were in tons of fights and arguments and took up drinking to cope but now i dont smoke or drink, realize its all in my head and not let these thoughts take over my life..its a mental struggle but has gotten better thanks to many people in my life and to this group.


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## vejichan (Feb 4, 2022)

Thanks will give some of your suggestions a try.



jaxadam said:


> Here’s a strange trick…. When we tell people something about our life or hobby, we don’t need to go into detail because their mind will fill in the gaps subconsciously drawing on all of their past experiences. Try having a conversation with very limited input, and see if they engage differently or more proactively. Same with them talking about their life/interests with you. People are different, and it’s fair to respect others’ lifestyles, hobbies and opinions. Develop boundaries with certain people you do not click with. Don’t necessarily ignore them, just don’t emotionally invest in engaging as much with them.


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## TedEH (Feb 4, 2022)

vejichan said:


> therapy cost money


If you can afford guitars and expensive hand bags, you can afford therapy, one way or another. That doesn't mean there isn't some sacrifice involved, but I'd be willing to bet it's worth it.



vejichan said:


> gone thru it when i was a teenager


Therapy as a teenager is not therapy as an adult.



vejichan said:


> other than allow me to vent and analyze my thoughts which could have been achieved with my close friends


Friends are not therapists any more than guitar forum members are. 



vejichan said:


> not many people..family included can take you talking about issues since they got their own


Which is why it's awfully convenient to have someone around whose job it is to do that.



vejichan said:


> The new guitar gear is added incentive and will motivate me to wake up and take the abuse i get at work everyday


If you're being abused at work, you shouldn't incentivize yourself to accept it, you should either try to correct the problem, or find another source of income. Abuse is not ok. Abuse from your work is not ok. Don't accept it. It's one thing if it's just a tough job and you're exaggerating, but nobody deserves actual abuse.



vejichan said:


> i rather put that toward my family


Supporting yourself IS supporting your family.



vejichan said:


> I have accepted that my issues will not go away


Why? People change. People learn. I'm not suggesting that people can just be "cured" of any and all ailments, physical and metal, but I'd be willing to bed that _something_ is out there that can help you mitigate whatever is going on properly. I'm not convinced you truly believe you should just accept defeat, otherwise you would not have asked for help.


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## jaxadam (Feb 4, 2022)

vejichan said:


> Thanks will give some of your suggestions a try.


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## vejichan (Feb 4, 2022)

Thank you but in regards to therapy, family aside.. i will just reiterate below

"i rather spend my hard earned money on guitar gear."


Its hard for me to cough up 5k of my hard earned money for 20 weeks of therapy whereas the same money can be used to order a 5 k custom guitar ...the session will come and go but the custom guitar will keep me grinning ear to ear for years to come..
That said i excercise every morning, eat pretty healthy, dont smoke, dont do drugs, call friends if i need to vent and will try any "free" techniques or meditation to deal with my issues. Its a decision i will live with but i am fine with that.. having Gear acquistion syndrome etc.. my need to buy gear far and beyond exceeds my need to see a therapist.

My solution to all my issues are these following words 

Stop giving a fuck what people think about you


Unfortunately its easier said than done



TedEH said:


> If you can afford guitars and expensive hand bags, you can afford therapy, one way or another. That doesn't mean there isn't some sacrifice involved, but I'd be willing to bet it's worth it.
> 
> 
> Therapy as a teenager is not therapy as an adult.
> ...


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## jaxadam (Feb 4, 2022)

vejichan said:


> Thank you but in regards to therapy, family aside.. i will just reiterate below
> 
> "i rather spend my hard earned money on guitar gear."
> 
> ...



Hey man it sounds like you’ve got a lot of great things going for you. Just being able to exercise every morning, eat healthy, and have friends to call is more than a lot of other people have. An attitude of gratitude is not wanting what others have, but being thankful for what you have. I think you have a lot to be thankful for, and other people’s thoughts and interactions won’t take it away.

It’s not necessarily “fuck what others think” it’s more “well, that’s their opinion, they are entitled to have it, it’s what makes them them, and I’ll just put that in the ‘don’t let it bother me’ box”.

I mean it’s exactly like on here. Nothing really gets to me, some people just eventually become background noise.


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## TedEH (Feb 4, 2022)

Given some of the horror stories on here about customs gone wrong, I'd be hesitant to bet on that as a solution to anything. 

I kid.

But in some seriousness, GAS is eternal - mental health woes don't have to be.


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## Dumple Stilzkin (Feb 5, 2022)

I think your excuse for not seeking professional help is lame. But suit yourself. To not pursue the best alternative there is because you tried it when you were a teenager seems like a cop out. If you really want to get better, you’ll take the steps necessary. Until then buying guitars and the like is just a form of fleeing your problems.


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## vejichan (Feb 5, 2022)

People deal with their own issues in many ways. Not everyone are aware of their own issues and want to get better. My issues and ways of dealing with them arent as bad as how some people deal with theirs. Thank you



Dumple Stilzkin said:


> I think your excuse for not seeking professional help is lame. But suit yourself. To not pursue the best alternative there is because you tried it when you were a teenager seems like a cop out. If you really want to get better, you’ll take the steps necessary. Until then buying guitars and the like is just a form of fleeing your problems.


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## vejichan (Feb 5, 2022)

Had 10 custom guitars..sold 5 because i needed the money to finance another custom or amp...only one came out bad out of 10 and the manufacturer refunded my money. So far so good from me.



TedEH said:


> Given some of the horror stories on here about customs gone wrong, I'd be hesitant to bet on that as a solution to anything.
> 
> I kid.
> 
> But in some seriousness, GAS is eternal - mental health woes don't have to be.


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## vejichan (Feb 5, 2022)

Thank you.. i am extremely grateful for the people who are in my life. I just need to turn those negative voices in my head down. They used to be at 11 now they are like around 7.



jaxadam said:


> Hey man it sounds like you’ve got a lot of great things going for you. Just being able to exercise every morning, eat healthy, and have friends to call is more than a lot of other people have. An attitude of gratitude is not wanting what others have, but being thankful for what you have. I think you have a lot to be thankful for, and other people’s thoughts and interactions won’t take it away.
> 
> It’s not necessarily “fuck what others think” it’s more “well, that’s their opinion, they are entitled to have it, it’s what makes them them, and I’ll just put that in the ‘don’t let it bother me’ box”.
> 
> I mean it’s exactly like on here. Nothing really gets to me, some people just eventually become background noise.


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## Dumple Stilzkin (Feb 5, 2022)

vejichan said:


> People deal with their own issues in many ways. Not everyone are aware of their own issues and want to get better. My issues and ways of dealing with them arent as bad as how some people deal with theirs. Thank you


If you really want this to get better you need professional help.


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## vejichan (Feb 5, 2022)

I do but for it to get better its gonna be 10 or so years of therapy and thats assuming if they help if at all. With kids and a family to support thats an investment i have decided not to take. I will try to stay physically healthy and doing what i have been doing (excercise, meditate, talk with friends) to stay emotionally and mentally healthy. Thank you.


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## vejichan (Feb 5, 2022)

Had a crappy day at work...feeling awefull. Havent felt this bad since before lockdown. Have no desire to play guitar or make music or do anything..just want to stay in bed and watch seinfeld for the next 2 days.


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## Demiurge (Feb 6, 2022)

If gear was the best thing you could spend your money on (for yourself) or if the support of your friends & family was enough, you wouldn't be asking a bunch of strangers for advice. Also, 'asking' for advice without the humility to consider what is offered in return is just another version of complaining.

Therapy is being shot down as some sort of albatross of an expense. Have you looked into what the actual costs would be now and what health insurance might cover? Some companies have employee assistance programs that might be able to offer guidance.


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## vejichan (Feb 6, 2022)

Demiurge said:


> If gear was the best thing you could spend your money on (for yourself) or if the support of your friends & family was enough, you wouldn't be asking a bunch of strangers for advice. Also, 'asking' for advice without the humility to consider what is offered in return is just another version of complaining.
> 
> Therapy is being shot down as some sort of albatross of an expense. Have you looked into what the actual costs would be now and what health insurance might cover? Some companies have employee assistance programs that might be able to offer guidance.


Thank your for your input. I am very thankful to all the helpful responses and advise given here..and to be clear... outside of my close friends or maybe my wife, not many people have the time to listen to my issues and support me. I believe some people click on this post because they want to help or can somewhat identify what i am going thru. There are people going thru what i am going thru..some just go nuts or give up and quit their job and some maybe invest in therapy or find ways some unheathy ( drinking, smoking, drugs etc) of dealing with their issues and stress. I am not giving up or believe that investing money in therapy will cure me but i WILL PERSERVER AND do what i have to do to survive and get thru this.


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## HoneyNut (Feb 7, 2022)

vejichan said:


> Thank your for your input. I am very thankful to all the helpful responses and advise given here..and to be clear... outside of my close friends or maybe my wife, not many people have the time to listen to my issues and support me. I believe some people click on this post because they want to help or can somewhat identify what i am going thru. There are people going thru what i am going thru..some just go nuts or give up and quit their job and some maybe invest in therapy or find ways some unheathy ( drinking, smoking, drugs etc) of dealing with their issues and stress. I am not giving up or believe that investing money in therapy will cure me but i WILL PERSERVER AND do what i have to do to survive and get thru this.


Reading most of your comments tells me you are actually "fine" or more than "fine". Im like you in some sense in that sometimes I find it difficult to conenct with coworkers. I've had jobs at nice offices and what not. I always felt awkward.

That was until I got a job at Filmores Hotel, Toronto. Look it up. That place was so awkward for me...Like I was the LAST GUY you would imagine to be able to work at a place like that. But working there, I realize, that I am not the only one with insecurities. I worked with so many other people who dealt with their own demons, on a daily basis.

I soon realized that, you know what, unlike those corporate-perfect life types, I could actually be someone who has awkward traits. But I learned to own it. Now, when I meet someone new, and once I start realizing that they are figuring out that I am weird, I tell them to their face "If you notice that I am a little werid that's great, cause I am weird, and i am not bothered to change who I am, and I prefer to be myself than some pretentious jackass" - id say that like a joke truly meant.

I am weird, but I am so happy that I have things I am passionate about, mostly guitars. The fact that I am looking forward to a next guitar, or learning a new song, well, I couldnt give a shit about what they think about me. I love Slayer and saw them first row on their last tour. Everything else can suck it.

If you don't find it easy to open up to some people at your workplace, its alright. Its totaly fine. Try to get along. If that doesn't work, find somewhere else to work.

I didnt do well at socializing at some jobs, like people couldnt figure me out. Plus, I look nothing like a guitarist wanker metalhead, but all day I dream about shredding. I am not that pretentious metalhead guy at work who thinkgs he's all metal. Fuck that. I am the guy going mental at the moshpit. Metal gives me so much inner confidence.

But working at Filmores, Ive met other people who deal with issues as well, but we let that all aside, cause we all knew we are have our demons, and did our best to have a great time. And we did.

I hope you find your crew. You will. They are out there. I have struggled with finding my kind of people for years (many many years at a different country riding subways with people who think they are metal cause they have a metallica shirt on, while i look like a restaurant dishwasher who smells of curry, and has a thick accent; trust me you wouldnt realize who i am judging me by how i look).

I am not even from Toronto, I dont look like a typical Toronto metalhead guy, but yet, the metalhead crew took me in as a family. It took many years of finding my crew, but I finally did.

What worked was being myself, the werid me. Everything else can go suck it.


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## BMFan30 (Feb 7, 2022)

Be more stoic and pay less attention to these thoughts or rather be above these thoughts altogether.

Life is too short to try to get people you are forced to be around at work to like you. You are there simply for your paycheck as are they. If they don't like you then they can kick rocks and pound sand. I bet there are plenty of people who enjoy your presence outside of your paycheck provider.

You're most likely a metalhead, so keep in mind that you're kind of a niche type of person with special interests. I bet you're a fucking kickass dude that just wants to fit in but find it hard to butt into conversations with top 40s radio chart hit consumers that talk about pronouns like they mean something or volunteering yourself for your 12th experimental booster booty shot like you're trying to mutate faster than Spiderman.

I always get uncomfortable around people that can't identify themselves by their own junk assigned at birth below the waist like a conversation waste. So I stay well clear of certain people. Vibe with those that like you and don't try so hard to please everybody because that's just impossible!

Other areas you can improve in your life is doing exercises and lifting at a gym or at home to get your confidence up so such trivial things don't bother you this much and you get well being + peace of mind on your side if all else fails. Confidence will come quick, I guarantee it. Your wife will love it and so will her opened jar of pickles!

Will be hard for people to dislike you if it looks like you're after self improvement which will undoubtedly show within a few months if you stick with it. If you look like you're a walking erection that's "raising it's own empire", it shows and people become interested in you because you aren't conforming to anything and everything like people that throw random shit at a wall to see what sticks.

Just simply being yourself as people have mentioned already could work wonders, you're most likely thinking too deeply into it which is causing it's own set of problems.


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## TedEH (Feb 7, 2022)

HoneyNut said:


> Now, when I meet someone new, and once I start realizing that they are figuring out that I am weird, I tell them to their face "If you notice that I am a little werid that's great, cause I am weird, and i am not bothered to change who I am, and I prefer to be myself than some pretentious jackass" - id say that like a joke truly meant.


I get what you're going for but it's worth being careful that you're not getting needlessly antagonistic with people. Most people, when meeting them at random or while working etc., don't care how "weird" you think you are, they don't care about your self image, they just want to go about their day and deal with whatever they're there for. It very well might be that insisting on driving your first interactions with a new person by rambling about "pretentious jackasses" and "your true weird self" could be read as confrontational or antagonistic - it could be what made them uncomfortable in the first place.


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## HoneyNut (Feb 7, 2022)

TedEH said:


> I get what you're going for but it's worth being careful that you're not getting needlessly antagonistic with people. Most people, when meeting them at random or while working etc., don't care how "weird" you think you are, they don't care about your self image, they just want to go about their day and deal with whatever they're there for. It very well might be that insisting on driving your first interactions with a new person by rambling about "pretentious jackasses" and "your true weird self" could be read as confrontational or antagonistic - it could be what made them uncomfortable in the first place.


I don't mean it in an antagonist way at all. It's like us getting to know each other and you get a sense that I have an slightly unusual thought process, I might be like 'yeah, I'm known to think differently', as long as we get the job done. I'd say something like that to get it out of the way. Most people have welcomed that in me like they appreciate I don't try to be something I'm not. 

Now, I wouldnt suggest walking down the street and publicizing how different or weird you are to every soul, but you do you, not my place to judge. 

People dress up weird, have creative personalities etc, sometimes they own who they are. They have not conformed to how society expects you to be. Prince, Madonna, Wes Borland, Phil Anselm. I'm not saying that being automatically means you are a superstar, just saying that it's totally cool to be who you are.


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## TedEH (Feb 7, 2022)

What I mean is that everyone is weird on some level. Not to say this is what you're doing, but pausing to make a serious point about _just how weird you are, just in case_ can be - in itself - weird. The big missing element there, if someone did that, is that there's no rapport being built before you dive into what's being phrased as a potentially really personal detail. If I walked up to someone at a counter, for example, and they paused to go "before I process your transaction, it's important that you know I think a bit differently, but that it's ok as long as I do my job", I would probably ask someone else to make my subway sandwich.

Perfectly cool for anyone to be themselves. It's less cool to make yourself the main character, so to speak.

Maybe that's not what you're doing - I do get what you're trying to say, and I'm kinda running a different direction with it - but I know some people who act like this and just don't realize it. I dunno if it's a social skill that can be built up, or that they just completely lack self awareness, but it's an important thing to learn in terms of how to interact with people without weirding them out. That is to say, in the context of a thread that started as a sort of "how do I get people to like me", there's a potential lesson here that you shouldn't volunteer unnecessary (unsolicited) information to someone before you build some amount of rapport with them.


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## HoneyNut (Feb 7, 2022)

TedEH said:


> "there's a potential lesson here that you shouldn't volunteer unnecessary (unsolicited) information to someone before you build some amount of rapport with them."



Haha. Not at all. Only people I want to befriend. Strictly professional with others. 

But to reiterate my point, it is much easier in life to go about being who you are rather than conform to try people to like you. You don't have to be antagonistic about it. But don't let people tell you how you should behave, as long as you aren't threatening people. 

Its people like the ones who tell you how you should do this do that. Fuck that.


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