# Band Horror Stories!



## foreverburn (Dec 8, 2009)

I thought it would be fun if we all shared some of the less than amazing moments we've had in our music careers. This can range from trying to start a band, anything that happened during the course of the band (studio, live, etc), replacing members, breaking up, etc. 

I know everyone has at least one good story, so lets hear 'em!


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## JohnIce (Dec 8, 2009)

Nothing too horrible in my case. I did lend my guitar to a band that was playing before us one night, and when I got it back afterwards the guy had managed to rip off the ground wire in the spring cavity so it hummed like hell for our whole set. That kinda sucked, cause we had a lot of clean passages that really didn't sound very clean that night.


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## sami (Dec 8, 2009)

One time on the day of a show, my singer from 4-6 years ago accidentally used BACTINE instead of Contact Lens solution. He put it directly into his eye even.... He was rushed to the hospital. No major damage which was awesome. He said it felt like someone was shooting a flamethrower directly on his eyeballs.


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## JeffFromMtl (Dec 8, 2009)

I've gone through the usual. Losing money, fights, break-ups, etc. In my last serious band, the other guitarist broke (completely destroyed) 2 guitars live, one in Quebec City and one somewhere in Ontario. Then he somehow forgot a guitar in London and the girl that found it was supposed to ship it to him but it never arrived. Somehow, he's incredibly indifferent about it all  A few of my friends have some pretty ridiculous stories from their tours, though. One of them was texting shit about anal sex to a girl and it turned out it was her dad's phone and he threatened to kill the guys in the band. In response, two of the guys in the band double-teamed the girl in her shower and jizzed in her dad's shampoo bottle 

... Somehow I have a feeling that JJ would approve


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## Bloody_Inferno (Dec 8, 2009)

Oh man where do I begin....

One of my old bands decided to sign up for a local show that was organised by the local Police at some skating joint. They said backline provided so we didn't bring any amps. But when we rocked up, there was only a drumkit. I was a bass player at the time so I didn't care as much, but our guitarist had to plug into a distortion pedal through the PA, and we all know what that sounds like = . 

While I did my stint in a Gospel/RnB band, we had a massive gig at the Melbourne Town Hall, so there was a lot of preparation and even managed to gather a big band out of it (horn section and all) so it was a massive gig. Just as the lights went black before we started, I became so nervous I got sick and vomited on my guitar. I managed to wipe the whole stain clean just before the light went on to play our first song. And as if that was bad (yes it got worse ), one of the keyboards had a bad chord line that caused an entire power blackout onstage. This happened 3 times until we found the source. Great massive gig with a few painful costs. 

Another gig, but this time with the metal band (during the Metallica tribute gigs), we played in this place called DV8, which doubled as a nightclub/SnM club etc. We decided to play Unforgiven in our set and got my Acoustic w/stand for the gig. Unfortunately my friend who brought the guitar up onstage was wasted and the guitar fell into the audience!  My heart sank so low, but thankfully the audience were gracious enough to catch the guitar intact and push it back up the stage. And if that wasn't bad enough, that very same gig, the carpark I parked in was closed at 2am, and I ended up loosing my phone that night. For the rest of the night I spent panicking and looking for my phone around a bunch of people dry humping, while I was losing my mind. My drummer made 2 trips back to the city that day, and I had my mum to drive me to the city to get my car back. I will never play in DV8 ever again. 

Another Metallica tribute show was booked in a country town up about 2 1/2 hours away from where we all lived. We took a daytrip down the Highway, except my singer took a wrong turn and we ended up 2 hours late to load/setup time. But at least that was the first gig with my Triple XXX so the sound was sweet.  Afterwards wasn't though. My friends all wanted some girls and there were no lookers in the entire town and my drummer was getting desperate. Unfortunatly my singer wasn't keen on one of the girls trying to go for him so he told me to stand guard in our room the whole night until they go away. I told her to go to our drummer's room but she decided no and left (that was easy). And since my singer really wanted to go home, we had 2 hours sleep, packed up our gear in the van next morning (including our bass player and drummer who were still asleep) and left. 

That's all I can think of at the moment... and I'm pretty sure there was a gig involved a washing machine that flooded the afterparty house, and then was set on fire.


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## mlp187 (Dec 8, 2009)

JeffFromMtl said:


> ... In response, two of the guys in the band double-teamed the girl in her shower and jizzed in her dad's shampoo bottle
> 
> ... Somehow I have a feeling that JJ would approve


 
Wow dude. Your friends are hardcore.


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## Prydogga (Dec 8, 2009)

mlp187 said:


> Wow dude. Your friends are hardcore.



I thought the same, although I don't approve of double teaming, there's a little too much closeness.


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## Scar Symmetry (Dec 8, 2009)

JeffFromMtl said:


> A few of my friends have some pretty ridiculous stories from their tours, though. One of them was texting shit about anal sex to a girl and it turned out it was her dad's phone and he threatened to kill the guys in the band. In response, two of the guys in the band double-teamed the girl in her shower and jizzed in her dad's shampoo bottle



Sounds like a regular weeknight for the guys I know


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## MF_Kitten (Dec 8, 2009)

i´ve gone through the usual "singer throws tantrums" type problems, which are always shitty. the guy was always the reason why none of his/our projects ever worked out. when things were really bad with the band, he saw nothing but progress and awesomeness. when things were really stable and working out, he saw immense failure, and yelled at all of us for not being adequate.

and of course, he was all illusion of grandeur in the head. guy thought we had a huge fanbase, because people at this one social networking site were all coming to his profile to leave positive comments about how much they loved our stuff and our gigs, etc. somehow a few people coming in from random corners meant there were hundreds of others around too. of course, the fanbase was really just a few bunch of people, namely the people he had already friended on the site, and friends of friends. and that was it.

so he gets all "we´re making t-shirts and shit, TONS of people are dying to get that!". of course, he would´ve sold like 10 at most.

anyways, i dumped him out of my life, and so the band. following that, he took over the role as the songwriter, and suddenly the style was totally different, and it was all more catchy-hooky made-for-vocals type music. the guitarist replacing me (single guitarist band) is all cannibal corpse/tech death, and stuff he makes is all monotonous and shapeless, but with lots of fast notes. then the bass player was kicked, and now they´re a different band playing my songs alongside other songs that have no resemblance to the ones i made, as well as new songs that don´t resemble other new songs stylistically. very inconsistent.

they are also using my logo designs and myspace page coding and designing of course, which i barely got to finish and upload before the guy decided i was the worst friend ever for "abandoning him and my musical side", meaning i moved to another town to study for a couple years.

guy is still pissed at me for not having forgiven him for being verbally abusive and treating me and my fiancé like utter shit when he was staying with us for a few days, even though we provided him with food and a bed, and took him out.

he´s the kinda guy i have nothing but outmost hatred towards. i really despise him now that i see what he´s really like.

blech, bad memories!


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## JeffFromMtl (Dec 8, 2009)

mlp187 said:


> Wow dude. Your friends are hardcore.



I'm sure they think they're hardcore too. It's a funny story, but I would be ashamed of myself if I ever did anything that disrespectful.


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## Scar Symmetry (Dec 8, 2009)

JeffFromMtl said:


> I'm sure they think they're hardcore too. It's a funny story, but I would be ashamed of myself if I ever did anything that hilarious.



Fixed


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## Varcolac (Dec 8, 2009)

Oh, our first drummer. He was a nightmare wrapped in a horror story drowned in a can of Super Tennants. I used to dread coming to practices because half the time we'd just have to plug my laptop into the PA and use Guitar Pro MIDI drums because he wouldn't turn up. The other half of the time, he'd turn up drunk. One time he turned up an hour late with a creepy Belgian man. The other time, he decided he'd be playing a ragga beat. All the time. In a seven-minute death metal song with a funeral doom outro. He kept forgetting how songs went. In about four months we managed to get... three songs. 

Basically, he was trying to live the life of John Bonham, but without being A) successful; B) a very good drummer; or C) able to hold his drink. Good riddance.


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## JeffFromMtl (Dec 8, 2009)

Varcolac said:


> One time he turned up an hour late with a creepy Belgian man.







Scar Symmetry said:


> Fixed


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## Scar Symmetry (Dec 8, 2009)




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## Bloody_Inferno (Dec 8, 2009)

Varcolac said:


> Oh, our first drummer. He was a nightmare wrapped in a horror story drowned in a can of Super Tennants. I used to dread coming to practices because half the time we'd just have to plug my laptop into the PA and use Guitar Pro MIDI drums because he wouldn't turn up. The other half of the time, he'd turn up drunk. *One time he turned up an hour late with a creepy Belgian man.* The other time, he decided he'd be playing a ragga beat. All the time. In a seven-minute death metal song with a funeral doom outro. He kept forgetting how songs went. In about four months we managed to get... three songs.
> 
> Basically, he was trying to live the life of John Bonham, but without being A) successful; B) a very good drummer; or C) able to hold his drink. Good riddance.


 
 That's gold. That's better than my old singer waking up in an alleyway and taking a bum out for a drink and shooting pool.


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## foreverburn (Dec 9, 2009)

JeffFromMtl said:


> I'm sure they think they're hardcore too. It's a funny story, but I would be ashamed of myself if I ever did anything that disrespectful.


 
I know right? Threatening to kill guys because your daughter is a whore? What the fuck?



Varcolac said:


> Oh, our first drummer. He was a nightmare wrapped in a horror story drowned in a can of Super Tennants. I used to dread coming to practices because half the time we'd just have to plug my laptop into the PA and use Guitar Pro MIDI drums because he wouldn't turn up. The other half of the time, he'd turn up drunk. One time he turned up an hour late with a creepy Belgian man. The other time, he decided he'd be playing a ragga beat. All the time. In a seven-minute death metal song with a funeral doom outro. He kept forgetting how songs went. In about four months we managed to get... three songs.
> 
> Basically, he was trying to live the life of John Bonham, but without being A) successful; B) a very good drummer; or C) able to hold his drink. Good riddance.


 
I am about to piss myself from laughter over the last part. HAHAHAHA!

Here is a fun one. This isn't mine, but I recount a story that my friend Rick told me once. Rick was in a few decently successful bands in the 1970s... At some point he hooked up with Tom Waits and went out drinking with him. He said they stayed up all night drinking and talking about relationships gone wrong. The next day he woke up, bleeding, and Tom Waits was nowhere to be found. 

That's some funny shit.

I'll post some stories here soon, seeing how I started this thread.


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## Vstro (Dec 9, 2009)

Two main things come to mind. The first wasn't horrible for us but the home owner wasn't pleased to find out our vocalist pooped in her shower.. The worst thing that has ever happened to me in 3-4 years of pretty non stop touring is blowing a transmission in the middle of Nebraska. We were stuck in a motel that the 500 or so native locals thought was condemned. During that week with no A/C and only eating Taco Johns (no other food in the town) the locals decided we looked like freaks so told us maybe we shouldn't leave our room during the day.. Luckily there were plenty of cockroaches to keep us company! 

Being in TJ Mexico while the police and military were in a little feud was pretty scary. I think trying to get in the UK without work permits was the scariest though. Somehow the lady didn't believe we were going to the UK for a month with $500 US dollars without working while we were there.


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## signalgrey (Dec 9, 2009)

Vstro said:


> Two main things come to mind. The first wasn't horrible for us but the home owner wasn't pleased to find out our vocalist pooped in her shower..



hahahahaha. that is awesome.


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## Esp Griffyn (Dec 9, 2009)

Varcolac said:


> Oh, our first drummer. He was a nightmare wrapped in a horror story drowned in a can of Super Tennants.



Good thing he stuck to Super Tenants and not Carlsberg Special Brew, or worse, Co-op super strength lager!


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## Dusty201087 (Dec 9, 2009)

JeffFromMtl said:


> I've gone through the usual. Losing money, fights, break-ups, etc. In my last serious band, the other guitarist broke (completely destroyed) 2 guitars live, one in Quebec City and one somewhere in Ontario. Then he somehow forgot a guitar in London and the girl that found it was supposed to ship it to him but it never arrived. Somehow, he's incredibly indifferent about it all  A few of my friends have some pretty ridiculous stories from their tours, though. One of them was texting shit about anal sex to a girl and it turned out it was her dad's phone and he threatened to kill the guys in the band. In response, two of the guys in the band double-teamed the girl in her shower and jizzed in her dad's shampoo bottle
> 
> ... Somehow I have a feeling that JJ would approve



I have to say, while I probably wouldn't have topped off the dudes shampoo bottle, him getting upset because his daughter is a whore is kind of just asking someone to do shit like that. I would've if given the opportunity


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## Konfusius (Dec 10, 2009)

Hurm... nothing too special. We once played a show with like... 7 other bands and payment was: Beer. And when we came back to "the backstage area" me and the vocalist/bassdude, only three guys on my band and drummer doesnt drink, were about to get really drunk all our beer had been stolen. But not only our beer, anyone else beer had also been stolen and a wallet and two cellphones, too. Never found out who did it. Fucked up anyway. We had only had one beer each and still had like 20 left... well, would have had, if it hadnt been stolen.


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## abysmalrites (Dec 10, 2009)

I've got a couple. in 07, when my old band played its first show (first show for everyone in the band, really) we didn't have a vocalist, and in the middle of the second song the drummer broke his bass drum head. Terrible first show.
Then, every once in a while, we'd get the cops called on us because the neighbors were douchebags. We weren't in the middle of a city, we were in the fuckin boonies. 

And a not-so-terrible story - I am the only original member in my current band. The original drummer was terrible and kept breaking cymbals, the vocalist had absolutely no projection and was way too into the hardcore scene to be a death metal vocalist, and the other guitar player wanted breakdowns or it "isn't fun".


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## xmetalhead69 (Dec 10, 2009)

one time in the studio my bassist forgot to bring his bass... *facepalm*


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## gaunten (Dec 29, 2009)

MF_Kitten said:


> and of course, he was all illusion of grandeur in the head. guy thought we had a huge fanbase, because people at this one social networking site were all coming to his profile to leave positive comments about how much they loved our stuff and our gigs, etc. somehow a few people coming in from random corners meant there were hundreds of others around too. of course, the fanbase was really just a few bunch of people, namely the people he had already friended on the site, and friends of friends. and that was it.
> 
> so he gets all "we´re making t-shirts and shit, TONS of people are dying to get that!". of course, he would´ve sold like 10 at most.
> 
> anyways, i dumped him out of my life, and so the band. following that, he took over the role as the songwriter, and suddenly the style was totally different, and it was all more catchy-hooky made-for-vocals type music. the guitarist replacing me (single guitarist band) is all cannibal corpse/tech death, and stuff he makes is all monotonous and shapeless, but with lots of fast notes. then the bass player was kicked, and now they´re a different band playing my songs alongside other songs that have no resemblance to the ones i made, as well as new songs that don´t resemble other new songs stylistically. very inconsistent.


 

parts of this reminds me very much of the drummer/singer in a band I played in a few years back.
He was fucked up from the start, and then he got christian too... 

Didn't exactly improve things when he started to write lyrics and sneak in hidden messages into the lyrics that our atheist lead singer was supposed to sing...
I could tell a bunch of stories about him. but I can't be arsed right now.
although, one short thing, he was the kind of person that thought that if his smoking in the already small, disgusting rehearsal space bothered me, I should go out and wait until HE was finished... pretty much sums up his complete disregard for respect.


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## grey dog (Jun 19, 2012)

the english teacher at my school made me and my band at the time perform a song a some school assembly and we couldn't get out of it. we got on stage infront of all these parents and gave the worst performance ever. the echo in the hall was brutal to the guitars and you couldn't here the vocals. i think my friend filmed it actually.


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## broj15 (Jun 19, 2012)

one night when i was still playing bass in my old folk punk/ hardcore band we decided to have a real acoustic jam session (like one guy starts and everyone just jumps in when they can and follows along. real improv heavy stuff) and we played a glorious 8 minute epic about our vocalist's and guitar player's ex girl friend (yes they dated the same girl) only to find out that no one thought to press record (we had 1 mic set up in the middle of the room). That 8 minutes was one of the few times where I've felt like "holy shit we just caught lightning in a bottle)" and there was no way we would be able to recreate the magic so we just said screw it .


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## ilyti (Jun 19, 2012)

foreverburn said:


> Here is a fun one. This isn't mine, but I recount a story that my friend Rick told me once. Rick was in a few decently successful bands in the 1970s... At some point he hooked up with Tom Waits and went out drinking with him. He said they stayed up all night drinking and talking about relationships gone wrong. The next day he woke up, bleeding, and Tom Waits was nowhere to be found.
> 
> That's some funny shit.
> 
> I'll post some stories here soon, seeing how I started this thread.


 
That's great.. but I'm not sure if the alluded punchline is "it never happened" or "Tom Waits got him drunk, then beat him up."


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## BlackMastodon (Jun 20, 2012)

broj15 said:


> one night when i was still playing bass in my old folk punk/ hardcore band we decided to have a real acoustic jam session (like one guy starts and everyone just jumps in when they can and follows along. real improv heavy stuff) and we played a glorious 8 minute epic about our vocalist's and guitar player's ex girl friend (yes they dated the same girl) only to find out that no one thought to press record (we had 1 mic set up in the middle of the room). That 8 minutes was one of the few times where I've felt like "holy shit we just caught lightning in a bottle)" and there was no way we would be able to recreate the magic so we just said screw it .


Been there brother. In my old band in high school we busted into a completely improved 8 minute jazz odyssey (as we called it) but we had absolutely no recording equipment and it was gone forever after that. A real shame it was, but alas.


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## tacotiklah (Jun 20, 2012)

Was in a death/thrash band for over a year and a half and was slowly building a great following. Came out to the guys as bisexual and the band was done for within a month. Go figure...


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## ASoC (Jun 20, 2012)

xmetalhead69 said:


> one time in the studio my bassist forgot to bring his bass... *facepalm*


 
So arose one of the jokes from my band, this happened once and it went down like this
Me: "dude without your bass, you're just a dick"
Bassist: "What about when I have my bass?"
Drummer: "Then you're a dick with a bass"
Me:  

Also typical singer is a douchebag type problems


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## ZEBOV (Jun 20, 2012)

Probably the worst problem I've had with a band mate was all the rest of us showing up at his house for band practice, and he would be passed out from drinking too much. It happened several times, and we all just said fuck it. He was the drummer, and that's why we were going to his house.

Another bad experience was when neither I nor anyone else knew anything about EQ and cutting through the mix. The band was the drummer I mentioned earlier, 2 guitarists with 15 watt solid state amps, and me with a 500 watt bass amp. I have a 5 band parametric EQ, and I centered the bass on 50 Hz, boosted it to +15 dB, cut the low mids, mids, and high mids to -15 dB, centered the treble to 10 kHz, and boosted that to +15 dB. Despite rattling the fuck out of the walls with my bass amp, no one could hear me at all. I also couldn't hear the guitars since the gain was turned up to maximum, and all I heard was distortion. (We showed up for other band practices regardless, but the drummer just wouldn't wake up, despite me holding the snare drum over his head and having someone else beat it with a stick.)

As for the worst audition I've ever been in, the band simply played each of their songs, which I couldn't just learn from hearing them only one time each, but that's what they expected. And when they learned that I didn't know how to play their songs from their one playthrough, they told me I was wasting their time and told me to leave. I told them "*I* am wasting your time? You never even taught me the songs. *YOU* are wasting *MY* time. It's no wonder you can't find a bassist anywhere." After I got my amp and one of my speaker cabs in my truck, I had to shit, and it felt pretty hot inside my ass, so I went to the bathroom and took an upper decker shit, and the shit was pure liquid. After wiping myself (and also putting the toilet paper in the upper tank), I got my other cab and put it in my truck, and right before I left, I said to them "I am not sorry." One of them asked "What do you mean?" I said "You'll see." And I left.
I learned from a few other bass playing friends that they had the same experience with bass auditions with that band, minus the upper decker shit.


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## AliceLG (Jun 20, 2012)

This happened with a power metal band I had about 6 or 7 years ago. I was the new bassist and in the first rehearsal I noticed that the lead guitarist was just exactly that, could only play leads, no rhythm whatsoever. After 3 rehearsals we decided to dump him and the rest of the band decided that I, being only 3 weeks in, should the be one delivering the news (WTF!?). Anyways, the night we plan to talk to the guy and send him packing the rhythm guitarist (my cousin) ran him over with his car. Huge hip-to-toe caster on the right leg, and 3 hours later, I was dumping the guy from the band. Poor guy. I met him in a concert a couple of years later and he told me that he didn't resent me, but the other guys were fucking assholes


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## SenorDingDong (Jun 20, 2012)

Two of the bands I have been in had female members that seduced--yes, both times--the drummer. Two different females, two different drummers. Then the female members proceeded to rip the beating heart out of the band with their inhuman-yet-typical-woman claws. As if that wasn't enough, they then used their sonic screeching powers to implode our eardrums when they felt wronged by any group decisions, berating us into submission and making the decisions for themselves while us men ran for cover with our tails so far between our legs they rested against our stomachs. 

Moral?

Drummers are weak-willed and women are evil.


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## Powermetalbass (Jun 20, 2012)

A band I was in played a benefit concert and we had our setlist made up, was gonna be great, even had a song about our local town and how much we hated it. When we showed up to the concert a man stands up and goes over to the mic. He introduces all the bands and how thankful he is for the support from local musicians......its the mayor. We still played our "fan favorite" song about the town. He thought we were great....till we played that song...haha...good times.


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## BlackMastodon (Jun 20, 2012)

^London >> Windsor, brah. 

In my old band my bassist would take a 2 hour break every hour or so to go get high during practice so it usually just turned into a hang out between the band members. It was still fun but fuck, we never got anything done. Basically lead to the break up later.


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## nostealbucket (Jun 20, 2012)

I was in this one band last year, we met at this random rich guy's house every saturday. Every single time, after about 30 minutes of "playing" the other 4 guys in the band wanted to go outside and smoke some. They never got too high, but the last practice I went to, the guy who lived in the house made a grav bong. Everyone (except me) got so incredibly high (animal high, if you will). So high that they just growled and stumbled around the place. Since I wasnt that high, I just left. Never came back.
Nothing accomplished.


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## sage (Jun 20, 2012)

We were invited to play a show at UBC for the science-undergrad ball. Huge room, excellent sound, easily 500 drunk kids there. We played very well. After we tore down, I proceeded to watch the next band while the other guitarist, the bassist, and our good friend loaded 140 2 litre bottles of hard cider into a wheeled cart, chucked it all in the car, and basically fucked off with about $1200 worth of hooch. The hangovers were epic and deserved. We didn't get caught.

We were invited by The Joint Chiefs to play their Canada Day party in the bush outside of Campbell River. Stage made out of pallets, PA system powered by generators, 12' diameter bonfire that would erupt in a huge fireball every 10 or 15 minutes when some kid would throw an aerosol bottle of something in it, and easily 800 people, 742 of which were high on mushrooms. 3 days, probably 30-35 bands, all free, everyone camping out. Our show was legendary. As the sun set on the second day, we're giving it everything we've got. The generator fails, the drummer yells "keep it going" so we do... Just me singing at the top of my lungs while the drummer carries on, genny kicks back in right as we go into the chorus. Crowd goes wild. The other guitarist hooked up with this crazy race car driver girl. Our exceptionally good looking friend hooks up a threesome with 2 chicks...
Fast forward to next May. Get email from Dentor, they're doing it again. Different location, same party. You can't say no to that kind of shit. Guitarist brings along his girlfriend. They had just started dating right before last year's show. (oops) Race car driver girl shows up. Hangs out with guitarist's girl during our set. (Flashes very nice boobies also). Hilarity ensues later that night when guitarist drunkenly exclaims that it was scary seeing his girlfriend hanging out with the girl he hooked up with last year right as she comes up behind him to deliver a beer... He almost got away with one.

As for actual horror stories... This one time, a pipe broke behind the stage and we were all standing in about 2" of water with all of our gear on. No one got zapped.


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## leandroab (Jun 20, 2012)

ZEBOV said:


> ...I had to shit, and it felt pretty hot inside my ass.







ZEBOV said:


> upper decker shit


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## tacotiklah (Jun 20, 2012)

SenorDingDong said:


> Two of the bands I have been in had female members that seduced--yes, both times--the drummer. Two different females, two different drummers. Then the female members proceeded to rip the beating heart out of the band with their inhuman-yet-typical-woman claws. As if that wasn't enough, they then used their sonic screeching powers to implode our eardrums when they felt wronged by any group decisions, berating us into submission and making the decisions for themselves while us men ran for cover with our tails so far between our legs they rested against our stomachs.
> 
> Moral?
> 
> Drummers are weak-willed and women are evil.














I can't speak on their behalf though, but I keep the relationship crap out of bands for reasons like this. Thankfully all of us are in committed relationships/married, so this isn't as much of a problem. Granted I'm poly, but I don't mix business and pleasure.


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## Black43 (Jun 20, 2012)

Oh... where to begin.
Firstly, our first drummer was a psycho. During a practice session, he broke a drumstick and went INSANE - kicked over the snare drum and ripped a hole in the bass (drum). The bad thing was that it wasn't even his drum kit. It was my one, we were using it for practice because practice is at my house. I promptly kicked him out of the band (was in charge at the time).
Secondly, before I became the lead guitarist, the then lead guitarist at the end of our show tossed his Gibson Les Paul into the crowd. Like an axe. It broke someone's arm in three places, and he ended up in trouble with the cops.
Lastly, I went for a guitar smash on stage, and instead of breaking the guitar, I broke the floor beneath me (made of mouldy, rotted wooden planks). I plummeted about two metres, and broke 3 ribs on impact.
Amazingly, the guitar wasn't even dented.


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## Necris (Jun 20, 2012)

^
You can't fix crazy, but avoiding negative outcomes from crazy stage antics is pretty easy, don't do stupid shit and you won't suffer the consequences.


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## iRaiseTheDead (Jun 20, 2012)

xmetalhead69 said:


> one time in the studio my bassist forgot to bring his bass... *facepalm*



Awesome \m/


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## Winspear (Jun 20, 2012)

^ We drove 1 hour to a gig and the bassist forgot to bring his bass 
Kinda not as awful as it seems as his mum was helping him pack the car and they thought eachother took it...but still  He made her drive back haha

Here's something from me from an old thread


EtherealEntity said:


> Not specifically auditions, but my old band seemed to attract very strange vocalists...
> The first guy we auditioned wasn't terrible, but was a bit of an emo guy while we were looking for a Dickinson type singer. In the break, he decided to have a deep conversation with us telling us how he was a bit fucked up because of his ability to see dead people. He told us of how he and a friend broke into an abandoned building a few blocks away and nearly got killed by ghosts - saved only by the fact that he saw them coming. Not really the best way to talk yourself into a band
> 
> We ended up with a guy we already knew as the singer of another local band who was pretty much exactly what we were looking for. We knew he was a bit of a strange person but were willing to put up with it...or so we thought.
> ...


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## ilyti (Jun 20, 2012)

^ Messed up.. what thread is that from?


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## piggins411 (Jun 20, 2012)

EtherealEntity said:


> The bassist recalled how he bumped into him in a cafe. The singer was looking unusually happy that day (usually there is lots of sighing, facepalming and shaking of the head). Apparently, he was absolutely overjoyed because his girlfriend had finally let him 'feed' the previous night.




I don't like how my mind interpreted this...


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## ZEBOV (Jun 21, 2012)

Black43 said:


> Oh... where to begin.
> Firstly, our first drummer was a psycho. During a practice session, he broke a drumstick and went INSANE - kicked over the snare drum and ripped a hole in the bass (drum). The bad thing was that it wasn't even his drum kit. It was my one, we were using it for practice because practice is at my house. I promptly kicked him out of the band (was in charge at the time).
> Secondly, before I became the lead guitarist, the then lead guitarist at the end of our show tossed his Gibson Les Paul into the crowd. Like an axe. It broke someone's arm in three places, and he ended up in trouble with the cops.
> Lastly, I went for a guitar smash on stage, and instead of breaking the guitar, I broke the floor beneath me (made of mouldy, rotted wooden planks). I plummeted about two metres, and broke 3 ribs on impact.
> Amazingly, the guitar wasn't even dented.



1. What in the motherFUCK was wrong with that drummer?!
2. What kind of guitar was the one you failed to even dent?


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## Winspear (Jun 21, 2012)

Haha I thought I'd leave it up to you. I wasn't sure what to think either...It's either fucked up or even more fucked up. 
It's from the Nightmare Auditions thread.


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## -42- (Jun 21, 2012)

Trying to get a blues band off the ground with a wheelchair-bound harmonica player who doesn't understand scales, and a drummer who doesn't own a kit.


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## JosephAOI (Jun 21, 2012)

I've spent 10 years trying to get a band together and have never played with anyone more than a couple different guitarists 

Things seem to be getting better though! I got a drummer (Haven't jammed yet though, just been writing drums to songs I've written) and should be recording an EP soon!  Then maybe I'll get my other two guitarist, bassist, and vocalist spots filled!


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## straightshreddd (Jun 21, 2012)

My worst band moment was when I first moved back to my hometown after living in FL for 5 years. I wanted to join a band and was introduced to some dudes who were "into the same music as me" by this girl I was smashing. 

They were those wanna-be tough-guy, hardcore kids. Not even with traditional hardcore influences. I'm talking generic as fuck. Camo shorts, ripped sleeves, gauges, rolled brimmed trucker hats. I'm not implying that clothing makes the person but for these guys, it did. Plus, they were total douchebags.

Anyway, I'm an open-minded guy with a civil level of tolerance for douchebaggedness so I went to one of their "practices". I played some random riffs of mine which consisted of fast, melodic passages that pedaled off the low string, tremelo picking, tight/fast breakdowns, sludgy power-chord riffs, etc. All in time, interesting and a nice variety, no cockiness intended. I was pretty good at the time for only 4 years playing experience. However, these guys only liked when I played breakdowns and wanted, and I quote accurately, "None of that fast stuff. Just 2 step and breakdowns."

I immediately realized that they were insanely close-minded and I did not want to play with them for long so I stayed and jammed for a bit just outta politeness. I tried fuzing other aspects of hardcore that I thought would add some sort of variety and make it fun such as fast circle-pit sections with rapidly changing chords and they didn't like that either. 

I quote again, "Dude, that's not real hardcore. You can't dance(hardcore dance) to that. Just play this." He, the other guitarist who literally could not play guitar at all nor did he own one, then proceeded to mouth a shitty generic breakdown that I regretfully played.


It gets worse. My Ibanez was tuned to drop C with 10's and the vocalist kept insisting that I tune to drop A because a band called "American Me" tunes to that. I told him "I will next time when I throw on some 11 or 12 gauge strings. Plus, the riffs will sound the same, just a little higher pitched. We're just jammin' anyway, man." He then, went into an OCD, panic attack thing with twitches and everything. You could tell he was refraining from yelling at me when he continued to insist on the tuning. It was weird.

So, I bounced from that shitfest and the drummer hit me up days later saying how wack those dudes were and how he liked what I had to offer so he and I started a band. The vocalist became angry and in a rage, told the chick who introduced me to him that I said her pussy smelled gross and she flipped out on me. haha I resolved it and informed her that he was a douchebagged liar but it was still annoying especially since he was the one that told me about her vagina smelling funny. (It did not, I swear. lol) 

There is a part 2 to this story that I will post at another time when I'm not tired as tits. More douchebaggery is involved with a different group of douchebags but the same band. Stay tuned! lol

Sorry for the novel. haha


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## Joeywilson (Jun 21, 2012)

When we toured last Spring we played a show in Calgary. Unfortunatly, the bands that we were touring with's van decided to break down (There was two bands with over-lapping members so they shared a van). The shitty part is that we had to go to Edmonton to be able to do anything (they were all from Edmonton). So we drove 5+ hours with 15 dudes crammed in our 8 seater van with a trailer that didn't have matching electronics at 2 in the morning.


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## BlackMastodon (Jun 21, 2012)

@straightshreddd You basically described 90% of the people that were in the music scene when I was in a band.  I'm glad no one in my band was like that but we had to cater to those peoples' shitty musical tastes. Also a couple members of the band enjoyed similar musical taste, but I tried to have fun with it.


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## Powermetalbass (Jun 21, 2012)

BlackMastodon said:


> ^London >> Windsor, brah.
> 
> In my old band my bassist would take a 2 hour break every hour or so to go get high during practice so it usually just turned into a hang out between the band members. It was still fun but fuck, we never got anything done. Basically lead to the break up later.




Had the same experience with a band I was in, except I as the bassist was the sober one, while the others would get too stoned to play.


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## piggins411 (Jun 21, 2012)

straightshreddd said:


> My worst band moment was when I first moved back to my hometown after living in FL for 5 years. I wanted to join a band and was introduced to some dudes who were "into the same music as me" by this girl I was smashing.
> 
> They were those wanna-be tough-guy, hardcore kids. Not even with traditional hardcore influences. I'm talking generic as fuck. Camo shorts, ripped sleeves, gauges, rolled brimmed trucker hats. I'm not implying that clothing makes the person but for these guys, it did. Plus, they were total douchebags.
> 
> ...



*eagerly awaits part 2*


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## straightshreddd (Jun 21, 2012)

BlackMastodon said:


> @straightshreddd You basically described 90% of the people that were in the music scene when I was in a band.  I'm glad no one in my band was like that but we had to cater to those peoples' shitty musical tastes. Also a couple members of the band enjoyed similar musical taste, but I tried to have fun with it.


 

I feel you, dude. Just gotta work with what you got sometimes. I like old Bury Your Dead and The Acacia Strain and stuff but the doofusness of these guys was astounding. In a previous band with the exact same taste in hardcore as the dudes in the story, they were all for combining my influence with theirs and we made some fun music consisting of hardcore punk and progressive deathcore. The other guys.... were fucking retarded. lol


and @piggins411, I'm awaiting the OK from my publisher.



Sike nah, but I'll post it later after band practice.


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## cwhitey2 (Jun 21, 2012)

My singer drank soy milk before a gig....he forgot he was allergic to it.

My guitarist shit himself on stage.

My singer almost tore down our drummers kit with a mic cable.

Last gig my other other guitarist (we have 3) was in tbe wrong tuning.


Thats just the stuff off the top of my head


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## bhakan (Jun 21, 2012)

One band I was in was a disaster. A friend (guitarist) of mine asked if I wanted to join his Christian metalcore band, and while I'm not christian, I was desperate for a band at the time so I thought why not. I went over to the guitarists house, and just me and him jammed out some ideas, and it started off pretty well. He wasn't opposed to me adding some different sounding stuff to the songs so it wasn't completely generic and we wrote a couple of pretty decent songs. 

Then we had our first band practice, which consisted of the drummer talking about our band name, album name, song names (which we hadn't even written yet), and going to take a band photo (the band consisted of a singer, two guitarists, and a drummer at the time). At the end of practice, no music had been played. That was the only time I ever saw our "singer" and I have no clue of his musical talent as I never heard him sing. 

Our drummer then got us a gig. the other guitarist played and sang (pretty well for such short notice, too), and we had no bassist. Our set consisted of half original songs, and half covers of shitty christian rock which the drummer chose. I thought it was lame, but figured I shouldn't just ditch them, so I learned the songs, and so did the other guitarist/singer. When we tried to practice the drummer always ended up busy, so at 4:00 the day of the show, we finally had practice. The drummer had decided that it was a good idea to leave his drums at the guitarists house where we practiced, so he had not even touched the drums in the last week, let alone learned the songs. Needless to say, he couldn't play them worth shit. He could play the beats, but had no clue how long to play them for, and missed a lot of transitions (imagine a fast double bass beat continuing on into a clean section ). I spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to coach him on how to play a 7/8 section I had written, until I gave up and had him just not play for the section and come in during the next one. He couldn't even do that, and missed when he should have come back in, because he "didn't need to count, as he could just feel the music." Obviously the show was a disaster. I just quit after that. I always felt bad for the other guitarist (and still do if they for some reason are still playing music together), as he was a pretty good songwriter, guitarist, and even a passable singer, but he is just held back by the drummer, who has been his friend since childhood.


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## Black43 (Jun 21, 2012)

ZEBOV said:


> 1. What in the motherFUCK was wrong with that drummer?!
> 2. What kind of guitar was the one you failed to even dent?


1. According to his dad, the drummer (his name was Brad) apparently had a 'short temper'
2. A low-end squier tele deluxe that I won in an air-guitar competition. I had to kill it fast, so I thought a smash would be the easiest (and coolest) way to do that. I should have known that the floor was made of crap. It creaked when you stood on it. So basically:
Guitar: 1, Floor: 0.


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## Nile (Jun 22, 2012)

Black43 said:


> So basically:
> Guitar: 1, Floor: 1, You: 0.



Fix'd.


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## BlackMastodon (Jun 22, 2012)

Black43 said:


> 1. According to his dad, the drummer (his name was Brad) apparently had a 'short temper'
> 2. A low-end squier tele deluxe that I won in an air-guitar competition. I had to kill it fast, so I thought a smash would be the easiest (and coolest) way to do that. I should have known that the floor was made of crap. It creaked when you stood on it. So basically:
> Guitar: 1, Floor: 0.


I think we can all agree "short temper" is a slight understatement. And I don't think you are allowed to get rid of that guitar anymore, it's bound to you forever as it has proven that it is indestructible.


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## straightshreddd (Jun 22, 2012)

PART 2

Okay, so the drummer I picked up from the group of assholes in part 1 and I had a project going. We put tons of hours into practice in his basement. I mean a good 5 months(about 3-4 days a week. His parent's were awesome and supportive so sessions would go late into the night.) of just me and him doin' work. Basically, we worked our asses off for 5 months and had 5 full songs and were preparing to record and find more dedicated members.

Then, one day some absolutely retarded shit happens. Apparently, when the drummer and I first formed our project, he had informed some friends of his about it and offered them spots as bassist and vocalist(unkown to me at the time) and they declined due to our practice schedule conflicting with their Call of Duty and masturbation time requirements. So, this one day, months later, they stop by one of our practices and hear our polished and organized songs and were thoroughly impressed. 

So, one of the dudes, in quite possibly one of the dickheadiest moves of all time, says to my drummer, using manipulation and reverse psychology and other things my drummer's brain couldn't process, that they had reserved rights in the band because they were offered spots months before despite never contributing once and not having even the slightest skill in the sought after positions.

I was appalled and told my drummer that this was absolute foolishness and a mockery of all our hard work we had put into these songs. After several discussions, guilt trips, and unfeasible rationalizations, I gave in and agreed to them joining the band.

We then spent about a month and a half trying to teach these self proclaimed musicians our songs with no success. They were lazy, uninspired, and just wanted to say they were in a band. In fact, the only time I saw them actually motivated was when they made a myspace and when they brainstormed band names(I did not want a myspace until the songs were fully recorded and ready to be heard. Also, my drummer and I already came up with a name for the band months before. lol The nerve of these dicks, right?). It was a waste of time and made me feel like quitting even though I worked hard as hell on the songs. 

[Also, on a side note, one night after a late practice, our "bassist" was making me listen to his favorite song "Check Yes, Juliet" by some atrocious band and he informed me that the "hardcore kids" from part 1 of the story had stopped by my drummer's house one day when I wasn't there and rubbed their dicks and balls on my guitar. This got me pretty pissed. But, it's okay I guess because they both lead pretty pathetic lives anyway. Still pretty goddamn gay if you ask me. lol It's years later now, but I will have my revenge. *rubs palms together in a menacing fashion* Anyone got any tips on a good, disgusting prank to do to someone who totally deserves it?]

So, in the following month which was rather blurry due to getting high as hell and drunk all the time, my drummer started replying less and less to texts regarding band practice. We then broke up in a weird unspoken kind of way that just gradually leads you to assume that you guys are done, and then you are. It was so fucked. Then, the drummer quit drumming altogether and started smoking pot full time. About a month later, I found an even better band with talented musicians and went on with them for about 2 years. 

Every so often, I'd hang with my old drummer and he'd always say, "Damn, man. I wish we never broke up and kept playing." And I'd have to remind him, "Dude, you stopped wanting to practice and never responded to calls or texts and you let those fucks hold us back." And he'd just nod and look at the ground.

Yup, shit was rather weak. But, hey. Shit only got better after that. My playing improved imensely and I was in an awesome band (that eventually broke up due to our vocalist and other guitarist having kids). But I guess you live and learn, right?


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## Aevolve (Jun 23, 2012)

Anyone that ever rubs their genitalia on my guitar (or any other possessions of mine) will have the distinct pleasure of having their dick ripped off and fed to them.

I admire your self-control.


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## Edika (Jun 23, 2012)

I started playing guitar when I was in uni so after the first year I joined a death/grind band. They had one song and it consisted of one string riffs and some power chords. The singer was actually a drummer that couldn't play drums anymore (and was the founder-leader of the band), the drummer was originally a bassist who took up drums for this band and the bassist was originally a keyboard player and not that good of a bassist. I wasn't much into this style but it was easy and it was a start for me. They had these stupid horror movie, splatter lyrics and were planning to put samples from horror movies. The vocals were sung while inhaling air so it sounded like a pig burping. I didn't like them but that didn't bug me much as I was having fun. The other guitarist was mostly into Iron Maiden and power metal and aside from playing his parts he didn't bother more with the band.

So I get inspired and write 4 more songs for the band. I admit that they weren't anything special since I wasn't that good and didn't know the style that much but it was my first efforts, they seemed to like them a lot and I liked them at the time. I gave them tabs, the singer wrote lyrics for them but the bassist and other guitarist didn't even bother to learn them and we never actually rehearsed them. We decided to record a demo of these five songs and the guys tell me that I have to record all the guitars and bass since the other guy never learned the songs and the bassist quoted to me that could not play them because he was not Steve DiGorgio. I found that really hilarious since the songs used more than 1 string but they were not that difficult.

Anyway I agreed to write everything but I was rather stressed because it would be my first time recording and I wasn't that confident. We record one hour of drums with me playing to guide the drummer performing the original song they had. It was messy, and not steady because the drummer couldn't keep the tempo. I expected that since he didn't have drums and only practiced in the rehearsals. The singer was ok with it but I wasn't happy. So then I go out with the bassist and he starts complaining about the singer that his vocals suck, that he is not ok with having a very dirty and underground production that his ego is overinflated etc etc. I was not ok with most of the things he said but since I thought I was the only one and it wasn't "my band" I didn't say much. But at that point I thought ok there two of the three creative members (the bassist was a graphic designer and did the cover, logo artwork) so we can discuss with the singer and tell him to change some things. So I tell this to the bassist and he agrees. We go out the three of us and start discussing, I tell the singer of all these things while the bassist sits quite. The singer tells me that these things are not in question since he wanted them like so and since he started the band to do this he is not willing to change them. Then I tell him that the bassist feels the same way as I do and I turn to him and tell him to chip in. Then with an all natural look he says "I never said any of these things" and I am left gasping. I say to him that we were discussing these for three hours the previous day and says that he denied EVERYTHING. 

After a couple of days I receive a call from them that they want to talk to me. We met up and expected they tell me that I am not a good fit for them. I was really pissed and told the singer that the actual problem of the band was the bassist that is not to be trusted. I told him that I wouldn't stay anyway after his behavior and suggested that he would look for another one, while he was present and without looking at him. I just turned and told him that I can't imagine what you told about me behind my back as you did for the singer and that I hoped at some point he would grow balls and become a man. Then they asked me if I would lend them my amp and pay for the recording hour, I told them I would lend them my amp but would not pay for the hour and that they wouldn't use my songs. They agreed and managed to record four songs finally which I suspect were the bassists song.

Big wall of text and sorry for that but I remembered all these stuff and got riled!!


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## straightshreddd (Jun 23, 2012)

PeachesMcKenzie said:


> Anyone that ever rubs their genitalia on my guitar (or any other possessions of mine) will have the distinct pleasure of having their dick ripped off and fed to them.
> 
> I admire your self-control.


 

I admire your technique. I thought about calling them out considering my stand up and jiujitsu being way too much for them to handle but then I thought about it and tried being "the bigger man" and blowing it off. I still can't believe that they'd do something so infantile. I would have rather them try to fight me. But, hey. Eff it, I guess. That was a long time ago. Maybe I'll chuck some piss filled water balloons at 'em one day.


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## straightshreddd (Jun 23, 2012)

Edika said:


> Then I tell him that the bassist feels the same way as I do and I turn to him and tell him to chip in. Then with an all natural look he says "I never said any of these things" and I am left gasping. I say to him that we were discussing these for three hours the previous day and says that he denied EVERYTHING.


 
Right after that, I would have immediately been like, "Yo, don't be a pussy, dude. You know we talked about this shit, so man up before I smack you in the face."


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## Edika (Jun 23, 2012)

straightshreddd said:


> Right after that, I would have immediately been like, "Yo, don't be a pussy, dude. You know we talked about this shit, so man up before I smack you in the face."



It was a very ingenious way to get rid of me and the thing is I can't understand why. Maybe the other three songs they recorded afterwards was his. The thing is I didn't force them to accept my songs, I just presented the rough versions and discussed the structure for the lyrics. If he brought any songs I would have no problem of course.

I told him a lot of things that day and even more when they kicked me out. Especially that day I got really upset and started raising my voice. We were in a cafeteria and they got very surprised because I am usually very easy going and non hostile. They actually asked me to calm down and I told them to fuck off and that most of all I despise this stupidity of this level and that I was glad it happened before we actually recorded.


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## Edika (Jun 23, 2012)

straightshreddd said:


> I admire your technique. I thought about calling them out considering my stand up and jiujitsu being way too much for them to handle but then I thought about it and tried being "the bigger man" and blowing it off. I still can't believe that they'd do something so infantile. I would have rather them try to fight me. But, hey. Eff it, I guess. That was a long time ago. Maybe I'll chuck some piss filled water balloons at 'em one day.



Maybe you can also top their shampoo with semen


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## straightshreddd (Jun 23, 2012)

^Hmm, perhaps. I shall consider it an extremely viable option.


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## BlackMastodon (Jun 24, 2012)

Edika said:


> Maybe you can also top their shampoo with semen


Oof, rubbing balls and/or dick on a guitar is one thing (still unforgivable) but putting your seed in someones shampoo is asking for things to escalate really fast.  I like the piss filled water balloon idea. Or piss on the door handles of their car and house.


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## wlfers (Jun 24, 2012)

Anything goes if someones a bitch enough to rub their junk on your guitar.

Including putting your seed in much more than their shampoo


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## straightshreddd (Jun 24, 2012)

BlackMastodon said:


> Oof, rubbing balls and/or dick on a guitar is one thing (still unforgivable) but putting your seed in someones shampoo is asking for things to escalate really fast.  I like the piss filled water balloon idea. Or piss on the door handles of their car and house.


 

I would love to immediately see their reactions so the piss balloons sounds like the one. And the handles part reminds me of when I was 14. I had this friend with a reeeeeaaaally bitchy mom so I shat in a bag and rubbed the shit on her door knob. Coincidentally, the light outside her door died so she had no way of seeing it first. She was screaming at my door, holding the shit that she assumed was a dogs, but she thought my sister did it. hahahaha


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## straightshreddd (Jun 24, 2012)

athawulf said:


> Anything goes if someones a bitch enough to rub their junk on your guitar.
> 
> Including putting your seed in much more than their shampoo


 

Yeah, dude. When I was told this it was already months after it happened, too, so I had no chance to clean it. lololol


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## leandroab (Jun 24, 2012)

straightshreddd said:


> I would love to immediately see their reactions so the piss balloons sounds like the one. And the handles part reminds me of when I was 14. I had this friend with a reeeeeaaaally bitchy mom so I shat in a bag and rubbed the shit on her door knob. Coincidentally, the light outside her door died so she had no way of seeing it first. She was screaming at my door, holding the shit that she assumed was a dogs, but she thought my sister did it. hahahaha




Oh shit hahah


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## ZEBOV (Jun 24, 2012)

Someone rubbed their junk on your guitar. Ask yourself: what would ZEBOV do?
This requires far worse than a pure liquid upper decker shit. I'm like a human form of karma. My payback is always 10 times better or worse, depending on if it's for something good or bad. You need to do something 10 times worse.


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## The_Mop (Jun 24, 2012)

Here's a horror story - don't want to sound arrogant, but I'm one of the best guitarists (definitely couldn't say 'best' around here on account of being an old mate of Leah from Aliases!) that I know of personally, and have never managed to get a band together for anything more than a one off 

O.k, an actual band problem - well, I managed to get a gig (one off... le sigh) at some school thing while I was in my last year there, loads of bands playing. Just before I'm about to go on, snap the high E on my JEM - with the floyd and everything. Did literally the quickest string change I've ever done in my life, and fortunately the band before us did an extra verse of 'The Trooper' by accident. So yeah, they kinda inadvertently saved my ass.

Yeah, I know, it's not a particularly good story. Not had the chance yet for some good 'uns


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## Guitarmiester (Jun 24, 2012)

cwhitey2 said:


> My guitarist shit himself on stage.



Please share more on this one.


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## AChRush1349 (Jun 24, 2012)

Our ex drummer was a crazy motherfucker. After playing a few highschool gigs (since there were no other local bands in the area, much less local metal acts) we got something of a following (In the highschool). He, despite being out of highschool for years let the mild fame get to his head and started getting quasi-groupies, and taking credit for all the song-writing in the band (99.9% of which done souly by my other guitarist). Not to mention he liked a completely different style. Me and my other guitarist (the only other band member) were leaning towards sort of progressive extreme metal, and he was more into pop punk and metal core/other trendy stuff he wanted us to do just to "get famous" (he LOVED motley crue). Luckally, we're still on good terms, (he is family) but he doesn't play anymore, and he seems to have been cured of the case of egomania.


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## SammyKillChambers (Jun 24, 2012)

This is a good thread. I have two stories. I'll start with the least recent:

My band organised a show for our old guitarists birthday, we'd booked a few bands, and it was going to be a right laugh. And then, the main support for the night walked in, and their guitarist, NO JOKE, said "I need to borrow a Guitar and an amp.". Obviously, we were more than shocked by this, BUT, out of the kindness in our hearts, we let him use one of our guitars, and my amp. And then, after his band sound checked, he had the nerve to say that our equipment was shit. Yeah, sure, it wasn't state of the art, but we couldn't afford better than that, but at least we let him use our stuff when no-one else would.

My second story is in fact the reason we let our aforementioned guitarist go. Basically, after three years of being with us, he turned into a nightmare. He next to never practiced at home, he instead chose to play video games all day. Myself and the rest of the band were working really hard on writing new songs and he just wasn't bothering! It was mental XD


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## tacotiklah (Jun 24, 2012)

A few years back I got into my first band that played original music. I learned the entire setlist in like a week-week and a half. Our first show is at this local club, and before the show we all sit down and eat taco bell. Lots of soft tacos and bean burritos right? Sadly this food disagrees with my bassist's stomach. While we are onstage playing and are about halfway through the set when my bassist cuts a gnarly one loose. I go and hide behind my drummer, my singer/lead guitarist starts instinctively cussing and forgets that he's swearing into the mic, and my drummer is trying to crouch behind his kit. Obviously the music stopped playing. My bassist is just laughing his goddamn head off like a maniac.

After we clear out that smell (for which there is no word in any language to describe it's foulness) we get back to it and finish the set. Even funnier is that when the headline band is playing, my drummer (who is like 5'7" and probably 150lbs) decides he wants to mosh with me. I agree and end up checking him hard enough that he literally went flying in the same way that Jazzy Jeff from fresh prince of bel aire flies when thrown out the house. After picking him up and making sure he's okay, the rest of us practically collapse with laughter.

Good times....


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## straightshreddd (Jun 25, 2012)

ZEBOV said:


> Someone rubbed their junk on your guitar. Ask yourself: what would ZEBOV do?
> This requires far worse than a pure liquid upper decker shit. I'm like a human form of karma. My payback is always 10 times better or worse, depending on if it's for something good or bad. You need to do something 10 times worse.


 

Teach me, teach me the way.


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## ZEBOV (Jun 25, 2012)

Here's what I would do: 
Shit in a bag or collect shit from your dog.
Attend a show that they are playing.
Find their guitars.
Wipe the shit on their guitars, not giving a fuck if anyone sees you or not.

If anyone sees you, prepare to start kicking as much ass as possible. They'll want to do the same to you. Do as much damage to their faces and bodies as you can possibly inflict.

If you go to jail with them, beat their asses there too.


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## Divinehippie (Jun 25, 2012)

ZEBOV said:


> Here's what I would do:
> Shit in a bag or collect shit from your dog.
> Attend a show that they are playing.
> Find their guitars.
> ...



ahahaha do this for sure


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## straightshreddd (Jun 25, 2012)

ZEBOV said:


> Here's what I would do:
> Shit in a bag or collect shit from your dog.
> Attend a show that they are playing.
> Find their guitars.
> ...


 


Holy large tits, this is pure genius, broseph. hahahaha Dude, you had me dyin' when I read this. 

+Rep for you, good sir, for making me laugh balls early as hell in the morning. Sadly, they don't play shows as they are no longer "hardcore" so I can't give 'em the ol' "eye for an eye". 

However, one of them is now a dubstep DJ(lol) so it's still on. If you wouldn't mind, please enlighten us on how you'd approach the situation in a scenario where he is DJing a party. I truly would like to know. haha

Two things though:

1. I must be drunk.

2. I don't want to permanently ruin any equipment. I would honestly feel bad as I cherish the little bit of gear that I have.


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## straightshreddd (Jun 25, 2012)

SammyKillChambers said:


> And then, after his band sound checked, he had the nerve to say that our equipment was shit. Yeah, sure, it wasn't state of the art, but we couldn't afford better than that, but at least we let him use our stuff when no-one else would.


 
What a taint. It would have been awesome if you were all like "Yeah, you're right, man. Here, I'm just gonna take this shitty rig home." And started packing it up on his ass.  Thumbs up on keepin' yer cool, though, brah.


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## ZEBOV (Jun 25, 2012)

straightshreddd said:


> Holy large tits, this is pure genius, broseph. hahahaha Dude, you had me dyin' when I read this.
> 
> +Rep for you, good sir, for making me laugh balls early as hell in the morning. Sadly, they don't play shows as they are no longer "hardcore" so I can't give 'em the ol' "eye for an eye".
> 
> ...



Fuck his gear. Spill beer on it.


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## Nile (Jun 25, 2012)

ZEBOV said:


> *Fuck his gear*.


Same thing they did to his.


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## ZEBOV (Jun 25, 2012)

Does he have DJ speakers and amps?


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## Pikka Bird (Jun 25, 2012)

straightshreddd said:


> ...how you'd approach the situation in a scenario where he is DJing a party. I truly would like to know. haha


Hard
Hard-curing epoxy in his turntables?


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## RevelGTR (Jun 25, 2012)

Well, being in a power trio with everyone liking different stuff is hard. Keyboardist into Indie/Alternative, Drummer into cheesy 80's rock (which I can't stand) and me into prog rock/metal. We argued all the time and ended up with the strangest set of original songs I have ever heard.


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## Black43 (Jun 26, 2012)

BlackMastodon said:


> I think we can all agree "short temper" is a slight understatement. And I don't think you are allowed to get rid of that guitar anymore, it's bound to you forever as it has proven that it is indestructible.


 Damn. I still hate the shit out of that Squier.


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## straightshreddd (Jun 26, 2012)

ZEBOV said:


> Fuck his gear. Spill beer on it.


 
Daaaaamn, I don't know if I can be that evil. haha But, yeah, he's got all the stuff DJ's be havin'.

@Nile: Bravo, that was perfect 

@Pikka Bird: Another daaaaamn, that would wreck his shit. I don't think I can do it though because I know how it is to save forever and finally get that piece of gear you've always wanted. I'd seriously be out for blood if someone fucked up my Axe Fx. Nonetheless, very clever.


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## Edika (Jun 26, 2012)

straightshreddd said:


> Daaaaamn, I don't know if I can be that evil. haha But, yeah, he's got all the stuff DJ's be havin'.
> 
> @Nile: Bravo, that was perfect
> 
> @Pikka Bird: Another daaaaamn, that would wreck his shit. I don't think I can do it though because I know how it is to save forever and finally get that piece of gear you've always wanted. I'd seriously be out for blood if someone fucked up my Axe Fx. Nonetheless, very clever.



I applaud you for your respect of other people's property even if they are douchebags. Since I detest DJ's because of their delusion that they are musicians or that they actually contribute to music I wouldn't mind if you did some permanent damage to his equipment .

Since you don't want to, you can hang out with some guy at the party get him real drunk (I mean real drunk) and then let him loose in the direction of the power cables of his equipment. There is a high probability that he will unplug most of the guys equipment stumbling around and in an added bonus pull the turntable throwing it to the floor. The vibe of the party will be interrupted, he will freak out and if he continues playing he will be off and best of all you will not be blamed!


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## ZEBOV (Jun 26, 2012)

straightshreddd said:


> Daaaaamn, I don't know if I can be that evil. haha But, yeah, he's got all the stuff DJ's be havin'.



Not all DJ's have speakers and amps. I know a guy who's been a DJ for a few years, and he just recently got some DJ speakers and amps.
If he has very high powered amps, "accidentally" wrap a speaker cable around your leg, and pull it out of a cabinet. That should short the amp.

EDIT: Just now saw Edika's post. That's a good one!


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## Divinehippie (Jun 26, 2012)

straightshreddd said:


> Holy large tits, this is pure genius, broseph. hahahaha Dude, you had me dyin' when I read this.
> 
> +Rep for you, good sir, for making me laugh balls early as hell in the morning. Sadly, they don't play shows as they are no longer "hardcore" so I can't give 'em the ol' "eye for an eye".
> 
> ...



Re read ZEBOV's post. Replace guitar with mix deck. Just hurl a bag of shit at the booth from the crowd maybe where something like a mask or what not as it's not exactly out of the norm at those things. Most of the people there will probably be on drugs (no judgement. But I know what goes on and experienced the magic it will go on without a doubt.) just bail after you toss it. Retribution served, spin that bitch xD. But I mean take that with a grain of salt, hypothetical situations .


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## tacotiklah (Jun 26, 2012)

Meh, I'd be mad if someone rubbed their dick on my guitar for sure, but I can think of a lot worse things for someone to do to your guitar. Let it go, and just give it an extra scrubbing. Besides, you can't prove for certain anyone actually did this. It's just hearsay right?

Keep you guitar with you when you leave practice and no more schweddy ball-smelling guitar.


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## cwhitey2 (Jun 26, 2012)

Guitarmiester said:


> Please share more on this one.



It was really hot out, and the other guitarist and I tend get a little crazy playing live. He was rolling around on the ground and jumped up and started doing crabcore moves and I guess it slipped out.

Whats funny is I went over to him after our set and said 'that was the shit, right?'

He just goes oh yeah I shit my pants. There was no emotion in his face at all. I thought he was kidding.....then he ran to the bathroom to change his undies 

So now I bust his balls every show.


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## BlackMastodon (Jun 26, 2012)

^Your guitarist seemed to be veeeery nonchalant about shitting his pants.  Lesson learned kids: if you do crabcore, you will shit yourself. The universe wants to make absolutely sure that you look as stupid as possible while doing it.


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## tacotiklah (Jun 26, 2012)

^almost makes you want to believe in a just, divine being. ALMOST.


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## Guitarmiester (Jun 26, 2012)

You ain't cool, unless you shit your pants.


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## straightshreddd (Jun 27, 2012)

Thanks for all the suggestions, dudes. haha But, I think I'm gonna go with ghstofperdition on this one and try to let it go. Or at least get him with something a little more subtle.


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## cwhitey2 (Jun 27, 2012)

BlackMastodon said:


> ^Your guitarist seemed to be veeeery nonchalant about shitting his pants.  Lesson learned kids: if you do crabcore, you will shit yourself. The universe wants to make absolutely sure that you look as stupid as possible while doing it.



Thats what was awesome...he acted like it never happend....or it happens all the time


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## Divinehippie (Jun 28, 2012)

straightshreddd said:


> Thanks for all the suggestions, dudes. haha But, I think I'm gonna go with ghstofperdition on this one and try to let it go. Or at least get him with something a little more subtle.


 
this is of course the best course of action (as far as being a welll adjusted and level headed adult is concerned) . just let karma claim another victim. but hey it's always fun to day dream about getting revenge eh? haha xD


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## tuneinrecords (Jun 28, 2012)

I have numerous stories. I don't know that writing about them is a good idea. These are stories I'm trying to forget. lol!


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## Divinehippie (Jun 28, 2012)

^those may be the one's you're trying to forget but i think those are the ones we want to hear xD.


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## Nile (Jun 29, 2012)

Divinehippie said:


> ^those may be the one's you're trying to forget but i think those are the ones we want to hear xD.



This. Posting them might get them out of your system and make it easier to forget about. And we need more enjoyment out of your suffering.


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## kerska (Jun 29, 2012)

I have a few different ones, but one of my most memorable:

I was in this band in high school for a couple of years and we we're awful. Like really awful at first, then after a couple years not so awful lol. Our music was always okay but our vocalist was terrible and just an obnoxious asshole. 

Well anyways, we started to get kinda decent, and had made friends with a couple other bands that in our eyes were amazingly good. They invited us to play a show at this place called Rooster's Roadhouse in Alameda, CA. We we're in a suburb called Livermore and Alameda was attached to Oakland and it was our first actual "venue" (as opposed to high school functions and stupid things like that.) 

So we're all stoked to be playing this show. We we're actually playing with metal bands. All the bands in our area were pop-punk and at this time we're starting to turn into screamo kinda outfits. But we we're playing with metal bands and this was our first real opportunity to play for people who may like us. Well what does our singer do? He gets stupidly drunk and high before we play. What does he do on stage? Starts yelling at the audience and talking shit to the people there because no one is moshing or getting into our music. We we're a new band and no one there had ever seen or heard us, so it's natural to not get any kind of reaction because people are actually watching you, and honestly, we weren't all that great anyways.

That was such an embarassing moment. I remember us being on stage and just feeling so stupid because he was acting like an asshole. A couple weeks later he got kicked out and replaced and then our band got really good and signed and blah blah blah....but that shit was horrendous lol.


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## JoshuaVonFlash (Nov 29, 2013)

Bump for this thread of hilarity


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## JeffFromMtl (Nov 29, 2013)

JeffFromMtl said:


> I've gone through the usual. Losing money, fights, break-ups, etc. In my last serious band, the other guitarist broke (completely destroyed) 2 guitars live, one in Quebec City and one somewhere in Ontario. Then he somehow forgot a guitar in London and the girl that found it was supposed to ship it to him but it never arrived. Somehow, he's incredibly indifferent about it all  A few of my friends have some pretty ridiculous stories from their tours, though. One of them was texting shit about anal sex to a girl and it turned out it was her dad's phone and he threatened to kill the guys in the band. In response, two of the guys in the band double-teamed the girl in her shower and jizzed in her dad's shampoo bottle
> 
> ... Somehow I have a feeling that JJ would approve



Well fvck me, I haven't thought about this in years. Thanks for the flashback


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## JoshuaVonFlash (Nov 29, 2013)

Your welcome


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## sage (Nov 29, 2013)

straightshreddd said:


> ...informed me that the "hardcore kids" from part 1 of the story had stopped by my drummer's house one day when I wasn't there and rubbed their dicks and balls on my guitar. ....It's years later now, but I will have my revenge. *rubs palms together in a menacing fashion* Anyone got any tips on a good, disgusting prank to do to someone who totally deserves it?



OK, so your post was from months ago and you're banned, but other people may require a good, disgusting prank. To you, I give: Shrimping.

No, not the fetish practice of toe sucking. The placing of a bag of shrimp in a very well hidden location in someone's domicile, place of work, or automobile. There are many outstanding locations to hide a bag of shrimp. Here are some favourites:

Taped to the underside of damn near anything.
Right up the centre pole of an office chair.
In a dashboard.
In a light fixture.

Anywhere you think a bag of shrimp can fester and moulder for a few weeks will suffice.


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## BrailleDecibel (Nov 30, 2013)

I've got a few random stories...


My band at the time was getting ready to play a show, and we were setting up all of our gear onstage, and I realize that I had somehow forgotten my speaker cable to connect my head to my cab. Our other guitarist starts giving me endless amounts of shit, being a real dick about it, going on and on as he's setting his shit up...and then he kinda trails off mid-sentence, and gets this horrified look on his face. Turns out that he had forgotten his ENTIRE PEDAL BOARD, so he had to endure the whole ride back to the practice space to get his board and my cable with me smirking at him like an asshole. 


When I was in the band before that one, we were in the process of recording demos, but it was like, wayyyy last-minute, as it was a couple days before a show we were doing, and we wanted to sell CD's at the show. Everything took longer than planned, and it wound up with me trying to mix the demos on the computer at the place we were playing a couple hours before the show. Everything was going wrong, I was all stressed and freaking out, and then once I finally get it all done...somehow the CD burner on the computer we were using wasn't working, so it turned out we couldn't sell CD's at the show after all, and I had gone through all of that for nothing.


And then there was the time we played at a battle of the bands...the event was put on by this dude who owned a studio, and we were told we'd be the third band of the night. We get there, and start meeting and talking with people there. They find out that our bassist (my younger brother) was under 18, and for some reason (since the show was at a bar) they made us go on first instead of third...I am still mystified as to the reasoning on this, and if someone is familiar with Washington law and can tell me how it's somehow more legal for someone under 18 to play in a bar a couple hours earlier in the day than not, I'd love to know. Anyways, the show was a total disaster...I broke a string right as we kicked into the heavy part of the first song (luckily, I had a backup guitar), and the onstage mix was so godawful that I had to turn and see if the little light on my amp was on to make sure I was on the distortion channel. Needless to say, we lost the battle, but the only bands that ever advanced in any of the rounds of this whole thing were bands that had bought time at the guy's studio, so I don't think it would have mattered what kind of show we played.


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## scottro202 (Dec 1, 2013)

This one time, in my old band in high school, Skittle Biscuit. We were having a house show at our bassist's house one night. Our singer brought some spice (AKA synthetic marijuana. It was legal in Georgia at the time) to the show. For those of you who aren't familiar, it's supposed to be a legal substitute for pot, and the effects vary _*greatly*_ from person to person. After the show, we smoked it. 

I was rocking back and forth in the fettle position in our bassist's hot tub, repeating over and over in a loop "My name is Scotty. I play guitar in Skittle Biscuit and I will be OK. My name is Scotty. I play guitar in Skittle Biscuit and I will be OK. My name is Scotty. I play guitar in Skittle Biscuit and I will be OK." According to my bandmates I also would stick my head under water and blow bubbles for 10 seconds before surfacing again. That was an interesting night.

TL,DR: Don't do drugs, MMKAY?


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## sawtoothscream (Dec 1, 2013)

Nothing bad. The instrumental band I was in played a battle of the bands at some state fair. They said they would supply the drums and amps. We get there and there was no drums, amps and the sound system wasn't even hooked up lol. The lady that organized it got boned by the people that were suppose to set things up. Lucky we already had our amps with us and since we only lived at 15 minutes away we ran back and picked up the drum set. I was surprised at how many bands needed to us our amps and all of them used the drum set. We took second and were one of the bands invited back to play a hr long set the fallowing day. But lucky for us it got rained out We were so ready to play that we just through a party instead and played anyways lol. 

Only other bad thing is when my old grind/ deathmetal band had a show at some armory and some a hole broke the jack on my cab. I had to barrow a 2x12 cab to use for the show.


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## patata (Dec 19, 2013)

My old guitarist(I was the drummer)was so chilled during rehearsals.I mean the normal guy with his little solos during the vocal breaks etc.
On live situations though,he was SO scared it wasn't even funny,he wasn't changing pickups,presets,he was foregetting riffs,beinding out of tone etc.
Not cool


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