# Your favourite for-television movie edits



## bostjan (Apr 11, 2018)

You know what I'm asking?

For example:



I have had it with these *monkey fighting* snakes on this *Monday to Friday* plane! Everybody strap in! 'bout to open some *freaking* windows.

I find this hilarious.

My other favourite, for different reasons:



It's like a totally different voice every time there is an edit. 

I remember when I was a kid, there was some movie on television at a friend's house, and during an intense scene, one of the characters said "You *slug in a ditch!*" and we both couldn't stop laughing.

Honorable mention is the scene from The Big Lebowski, where John Goodman is destroying that guy's sports car and says "This is what happens when you *find* a stranger in the *Alps*!" It makes no monthly funded sense in that context!

What are your favourites?


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## EverDream (Apr 11, 2018)

"monkey fighting snakes"


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## wankerness (Apr 11, 2018)

This happened all the time way back in the day, and I think they reverted a lot of the ones I remember. Like, I remember in Tremors, someone said "MELVIN, one of these days someone's going to kick your ass!!" On TV, he said "MELVIN, one of these days someone's going to kick your (butt)" with "butt" being in a completely different pitch and probably someone else's voice entirely. I don't miss the days of watching movies on TV 

I liked TV edits of movies for violence or whatever sometimes also. There's a great extra on the recent blu-ray of "The Thing" of the full network TV broadcast version in which there are practically no special effects left in! Then it has a few new useless, boring scenes thrown back in to try to pad out the fact they'd edited it by several minutes and it no longer filled up the broadcast slot. I had a taped version of the broadcast premiere of Return of the Jedi, also, where it inexplicably chopped out the part where Leia and Wicket got ambushed by a trooper, and where it slightly less inexplicably cut out the part where Leia killed Jabba (so as far as we knew, he blew up in the sail barge) and where the fat guy cried about his rancor. Intense stuff, way too hot for TV.


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## Andrew Lloyd Webber (Apr 11, 2018)




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## Necris (Apr 11, 2018)

wankerness said:


> I liked TV edits of movies for violence or whatever sometimes also. There's a great extra on the recent blu-ray of "The Thing" of the full network TV broadcast version in which there are practically no special effects left in! Then it has a few new useless, boring scenes thrown back in to try to pad out the fact they'd edited it by several minutes and it no longer filled up the broadcast slot.


I remember watching Event Horizon for the very first time in a broadcast on SciFi back in the early 2000s. I finally saw the proper version many years later and while I don't care to ever watch the film again I'd love to see that SciFi broadcast edit now just for comparison's sake. It would probably be comical.


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## KnightBrolaire (Apr 11, 2018)

The faculty tv edit is hilarious.
"Cheez n rice"
"Cluck you"
Etc


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## ElRay (Apr 11, 2018)

I always got a kick out of the intentional deviations by one specific character in "Johnny Dangerously". Among the winners: "Farking Ice Hole"


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## Carrion Rocket (Apr 11, 2018)

two great ones:
"Where'd you get the beauty scar tough guy, eating pineapple?"
"This town like a great big chicken just waiting to be plucked"

The change from "lesbian" to "lame brain" always confused me though.


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## KnightBrolaire (Apr 11, 2018)

YIPPE KI YAY MR FALCON


You're a crumbag!


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## wankerness (Apr 12, 2018)

Ah jeez, Robocop....I wonder how or if they showed that back in the day. Even the R-rated DVD/VHS were heavily censored!! That video is purely language edits. Some of the key scenes of the movie seem like they'd have had to just been removed. Like, I wonder if Murphy happens upon Boddicker's gang and it just cuts to his partner finding him and her reaction without even showing his body!! "The Thing" was massively, massively censored and almost none of the material disposed of is half as offensive as Robocop. I guess it's a few years older.

I have NEVER heard of "Scumbags" being considered an offensive word until that video!!


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## bostjan (Apr 12, 2018)

wankerness said:


> This happened all the time way back in the day, and I think they reverted a lot of the ones I remember. Like, I remember in Tremors, someone said "MELVIN, one of these days someone's going to kick your ass!!" On TV, he said "MELVIN, one of these days someone's going to kick your (butt)" with "butt" being in a completely different pitch and probably someone else's voice entirely. I don't miss the days of watching movies on TV
> 
> I liked TV edits of movies for violence or whatever sometimes also. There's a great extra on the recent blu-ray of "The Thing" of the full network TV broadcast version in which there are practically no special effects left in! Then it has a few new useless, boring scenes thrown back in to try to pad out the fact they'd edited it by several minutes and it no longer filled up the broadcast slot. I had a taped version of the broadcast premiere of Return of the Jedi, also, where it inexplicably chopped out the part where Leia and Wicket got ambushed by a trooper, and where it slightly less inexplicably cut out the part where Leia killed Jabba (so as far as we knew, he blew up in the sail barge) and where the fat guy cried about his rancor. Intense stuff, way too hot for TV.



I remember when I saw "The Doors" with Val Kilmer aired on PBS. Virtually every scene with Jim Morrison was edited out, so the continuity of the movie made no sense at all. 



Andrew Lloyd Webber said:


>




That's mother fathering perfect!



Necris said:


> I remember watching Event Horizon for the very first time in a broadcast on SciFi back in the early 2000s. I finally saw the proper version many years later and while I don't care to ever watch the film again I'd love to see that SciFi broadcast edit now just for comparison's sake. It would probably be comical.



I might have to try to track that one down.



KnightBrolaire said:


> The faculty tv edit is hilarious.
> "Cheez n rice"
> "Cluck you"
> Etc



Cheez n rice is one I hadn't heard before. Being raised going to a fundamentalist Christian school, I'm a bit surprised that hasn't caught on. I had heard "Cheesy Crusts!" though. 



ElRay said:


> I always got a kick out of the intentional deviations by one specific character in "Johnny Dangerously". Among the winners: "Farking Ice Hole"



I remember the "ice hole" thing. I forgot which movie I saw as a kid that used that one, but it might have been the same.



Carrion Rocket said:


> two great ones:
> "Where'd you get the beauty scar tough guy, eating pineapple?"
> "This town like a great big chicken just waiting to be plucked"
> 
> The change from "lesbian" to "lame brain" always confused me though.




Cheese n crumbs! That was cod-dam hilarious! The pineapple line is brilliant, but the premise of showing Scarface on television just seems batty from the start. I don't care how great of a job he did editing it, literally every memorable scene in that movie has something to do with drugs, violence, drugs and violence, or profanity.



KnightBrolaire said:


> YIPPE KI YAY MR FALCON
> 
> 
> You're a crumbag!




The Yippie Ki Yay Mr. Falcon line is another one I remember; it's just too funny to forget. I'm glad you found a clip of the Big Lebowski, too.

Some of the Robocop ones are really confusing to me. Like, it's not okay to say "scumbag," but, it's okay to replace "goddammit" with "ahh, dammit!"?



wankerness said:


> Ah jeez, Robocop....I wonder how or if they showed that back in the day. Even the R-rated DVD/VHS were heavily censored!! That video is purely language edits. Some of the key scenes of the movie seem like they'd have had to just been removed. Like, I wonder if Murphy happens upon Boddicker's gang and it just cuts to his partner finding him and her reaction without even showing his body!!



In the clip @KnightBrolaire posted, did you see the (very crudely rendered) CGI tank-top the lady was wearing at around 45 seconds?


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## Rosal76 (Apr 12, 2018)

Some t.v. stations air alternate versions of "The Road Warrior (1982)". First time I saw it on t.v., I noticed that some scenes were longer and/or had different shots than the version I saw on the VHS version.



The picture below is from the t.v. version and you don't see the red car on the far right on the VHS version. I like the t.v. version/wider shot better because you see more.


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## wankerness (Apr 12, 2018)

Uhhh...practically EVERY movie lost things in the VHS version, apart from open matte flicks! That's an odd single thing to point out, out of the entire history of pan & scan?


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## Andrew Lloyd Webber (Apr 12, 2018)

bostjan said:


> Cheez n rice is one I hadn't heard before.



I forget if it’s that or “peas and rice” that Simon Pegg yells in the TV edit of Hot Fuzz.

I was on a transpacific flight in ‘99 that played a family-friendly edit of “The Wedding Singer.” It was an eye-opening introduction to how flimsy Adam Sandler’s entire schtick was (with many of his exclaimed profanities replaced with unintelligible groans and screaming).


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## devastone (Apr 30, 2018)

ElRay said:


> I always got a kick out of the intentional deviations by one specific character in "Johnny Dangerously". Among the winners: "Farking Ice Hole"



That whole movie was hilarious!


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## ElRay (May 1, 2018)

devastone said:


> That whole movie was hilarious!...


"That's OK. I know this grapevine."  ... and the contact paper on the get-away vehicle ...


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