# Ask Dr Trees



## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

Tell me your woes, and I shall answer thee, Tell me your sins and I shall advize for free!


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## Mattayus (Oct 30, 2008)

Can a croissant really be used a savory bread? You simply cannot have a bread which is sweet in nature, and even has a chocolate variety, and use it with bacon, and even tuna mayo, as my partner often does!


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## TonalArchitect (Oct 30, 2008)

Am I beautiful?


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## jaxadam (Oct 30, 2008)

How many fingers am I holding up?


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## Lozek (Oct 30, 2008)

Where's the booze I left in the van?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

HAUCH said:


> Why do white people love Wayne Brady so much?


Because with a name like wayne brady everyone loves you. It's extremely wholesome. Kind of like a good loaf of bread. You can butter it, and then just run your fingers over it in sensual pleasure.



Mattayus said:


> Can a croissant really be used a savory bread? You simply cannot have a bread which is sweet in nature, and even has a chocolate variety, and use it with bacon, and even tuna mayo, as my partner often does!


Bread in all it's forms can be used with bacon and cheese, thanks to the bacon cheese rule which states that anything with bacon and cheese immediately becomes edible. Often, in times of impovrishment, bread stuffs have been used as a sexual foreplay aid, and the croissant, being a more upper class form of bread, would have been a luxury. So yes. It goes with meat.



TonalArchitect said:


> Am I beautiful?


If beauty is on the inside, then there is a lot of beauty. If we are talking externally, quite frankly, no.



jaxadam said:


> How many fingers am I holding up?


I'd imagine one middle finger aimed squarely at me


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

Lozek said:


> Where's the booze I left in the van?


I sense you will find out in approximately 2-3 hours time.


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## ZeroSignal (Oct 30, 2008)

How does it feel?
Was it a team effort?
Did you ever stop believing?
Does this suit make me look fat?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

ZeroSignal said:


> How does it feel?


Like sticking your fingers in marmite and stirring the moon with a spoon.


ZeroSignal said:


> Was it a team effort?


Unless other agony uncles join me (i've not taken to cross dressing (yet) hence the lack of aunt) then no, so far it is going solo, sort of like a one handed night in front of the computer


ZeroSignal said:


> Did you ever stop believing?


Journey didn't, and nor shall I.


ZeroSignal said:


> Does this suit make me look fat?


Yes. I haven't seen a picture, but if you are asking then there must be truth to it.


ZeroSignal said:


>


I feel to see how this picture is a question, unless it is abstract, in which case the answer is: Marmalade


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## ZeroSignal (Oct 30, 2008)

7 Dying Trees said:


> I feel to see how this picture is a question, unless it is abstract, in which case the answer is: Marmalade



God damn it he's good...!


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

ZeroSignal said:


> God damn it he's good...!


Normally I would require payment for my services.

And, seeing as this could quite well be another question in abstract form:

8


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## TonalArchitect (Oct 30, 2008)

If a train leaves London at 2:32 PM, going north at 123 Km/h and another train leaves New York at 4:19 PM (local time), traveling at a rate of 96m/hr, who eats breakfast first?


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## Alpo (Oct 30, 2008)

Does God truly exist, and if he does, why am I not wearing any pants?


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## ZeroSignal (Oct 30, 2008)

Alpo said:


> ...why am I not wearing any pants?



Over here, hotshot.


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## Randy (Oct 30, 2008)

Are you trying to say he's not wearing pants because all his pants are made out of garbage bags?


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## Mattmc74 (Oct 30, 2008)

Is it possible for hermits to have any peer preasure?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

TonalArchitect said:


> If a train leaves London at 2:32 PM, going north at 123 Km/h and another train leaves New York at 4:19 PM (local time), traveling at a rate of 96m/hr, who eats breakfast first?


Mr Sean Preston, travelling to Yorkshire. He awakens early for an important meeting, showers, and has 2 eggs, a regurgitated sausage and some sloppy bacon along with a side helping of beans and marmite spread on granary toast.



Alpo said:


> Does God truly exist, and if he does, why am I not wearing any pants?


I feel these are two questions. One the first, whether a god or gods exist is not an answer i can provide as you must search yourself, either throutgh spiritual awakening, or through music or film to determine if there is a god you believe in, on the second, probably because you worship one depicted with no pants.



Randy said:


> Are you trying to say he's not wearing pants because all his pants are made out of garbage bags?


He is not conducting a sermon, and therefore may not wear his robes of communion.



Mattmc74 said:


> Is it possible for hermits to have any peer preasure?


 Only if they are schitzophrenic.


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## JJ Rodriguez (Oct 30, 2008)

What's this funny rash on my junk?


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## jaxadam (Oct 30, 2008)

You're driving a bus that has 20 people on it. At the 1st stop, 6 people get off, and 8 people get on. At the 2nd stop, 7 people get off and 9 get on. At the 3rd stop, 8 people get off and 10 get on.

The question is, what color is the bus driver's hair?


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## Mr. S (Oct 30, 2008)

Should I have more Neon Green objects/clothing/foot ware/misc. to match my UV?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

JJ Rodriguez said:


> What's this funny rash on my junk?


The lord hath punished thee for your escapades with cradle of filth worshipping jailbait.

As for the exact nature, if it's green, syphillis.


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

Mr. S said:


> Should I have more Neon Green objects/clothing/foot ware/misc. to match my UV?


Yes, definately. In fact, you should also dye your skin green, which can be achieved by bathing in food colouring, and painting the areas you cannot cover through bathing alone.

However, be warned, if ginger doing this will make you look like a reveresed oompa loompa.


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## JJ Rodriguez (Oct 30, 2008)

7 Dying Trees said:


> As for the exact nature, if it's green, syphillis.


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

jaxadam said:


> You're driving a bus that has 20 people on it. At the 1st stop, 6 people get off, and 8 people get on. At the 2nd stop, 7 people get off and 9 get on. At the 3rd stop, 8 people get off and 10 get on.
> 
> The question is, what color is the bus driver's hair?


Blonde.


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## The Atomic Ass (Oct 30, 2008)

Will I ever find a girl that can deal with my fucked-up-ed-ness? 

Will JJ ever find a girl who is immortal so he can strangle her for the rest of his life?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

The Atomic Ass said:


> Will I ever find a girl that can deal with my fucked-up-ed-ness?


Yes. Especially if she's your twin.



The Atomic Ass said:


> Will JJ ever find a girl who is immortal so he can strangle her for the rest of his life?


Not unless Abbath has a sex change, or the undead actually turn out to be real.


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## Xaios (Oct 30, 2008)

Is John Petrucci really a secret government experimental perpetual motion machine in disguise?


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## The Atomic Ass (Oct 30, 2008)

7 Dying Trees said:


> Yes. Especially if she's your twin.


 I'm an only child. 



7 Dying Trees said:


> Not unless Abbath has a sex change, or the undead actually turn out to be real.


In that case, will Abbath ever travel to the cursed springs of Jusenkyo?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

Xaios said:


> Is John Petrucci really a secret government experimental perpetual motion machine in disguise?


Yes. Amongst many other things, including controller fo the temparature of the sun.


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

The Atomic Ass said:


> I'm an only child.
> 
> 
> In that case, will Abbath ever travel to the cursed springs of Jusenkyo?


Depends which one he falls into. He could come back as a panda. oh, wait a sec....


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## Xaios (Oct 30, 2008)

Then shalt thou count to what, no more, no less? What shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be what?


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## Sebastian (Oct 30, 2008)

Why I still dont have a COW7 ?


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## 7 Strings of Hate (Oct 30, 2008)

why do we still have dear abby and prudi when we have a schollar like james taking care of our questions with his gifts of intuition and candor


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## lobee (Oct 30, 2008)

Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?


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## auxioluck (Oct 30, 2008)

How can sliced cheese re-grow eyebrows?


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## Mattmc74 (Oct 30, 2008)

What another word for Thesaurus?


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## ZeroSignal (Oct 30, 2008)

lobee said:


> Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?



Holy crap! I'd totally rep you if I could! That was frickin' hilarious!!!


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## Piledriver (Oct 30, 2008)

can i use my PL cable as a low B string?
should i go talk to her? shes just back from thailand and i havent talked to her in ages...


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## Mattayus (Oct 30, 2008)

Why do Quavers hurt the roof of my mouth?


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## ZeroSignal (Oct 30, 2008)

Mattayus said:


> Why do Quavers hurt the roof of my mouth?



Allow me...

Stop playing guitar with your teeth! 

Has the pain stopped? I thought so...


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## arktan (Oct 30, 2008)

Is posting ontopic in an offtopic forum offtopic?

EDIT: And who ate my apple!!!


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## Mattayus (Oct 30, 2008)

ZeroSignal said:


> Allow me...
> 
> Stop playing guitar with your teeth!
> 
> Has the pain stopped? I thought so...



har har 

you know what i mean...


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## Stealthdjentstic (Oct 30, 2008)

Find me two examples of bioremidiation and i will love you forever, you cant use fungi that eat oil.


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## ZeroSignal (Oct 30, 2008)

Mattayus said:


> har har
> 
> you know what i mean...



Yeah, I know.


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## Variant (Oct 30, 2008)

Where the fuck is my Line 6 X3 Pro, and where the fuck is my HP IQ816?!


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## ZeroSignal (Oct 30, 2008)

Genuine question: Which speakers should I go for a grindy tone? I'm kinda looking at these two 2X12" cabs. One has Celestion 70/80s and the other has Celestion V30s.
LANEY GS212IE - Irish International Cyberstore
HARLEY BENTON G212 VINTAGE - Irish International Cyberstore


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## Stitch (Oct 30, 2008)

When are we going for a pint, James?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

Xaios said:


> Then shalt thou count to what, no more, no less? What shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be what?


42. For that is the answer.



Sebastian said:


> Why I still dont have a COW7 ?


Because you have not put it up for sale and sold it, lost it in a freak turbine accident, or given it away.



7 Strings of Hate said:


> why do we still have dear abby and prudi when we have a schollar like james taking care of our questions with his gifts of intuition and candor


 Not even I can answer all the worlds problems, and therefore minions are allowed to deal with some of the lesser load.



lobee said:


> Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?


 No. Jesus can eat the sun, as he is immortal, and as we all know that a burrito cannot be made hotter than the sun, it implies that jezus could not make a burrito that was too hot. Mere mortals, however, would burn to a crisp without even seeing it, simply by beain too close in proximity to it. This is why jesus only makes burritos on pluto.



auxioluck said:


> How can sliced cheese re-grow eyebrows?


 With a lot of patience, and grooming, 10 weeks in the fridge and a sharp razor and an eye for form should do it.



Mattmc74 said:


> What another word for Thesaurus?


 Desite the dangers of typing thesaurus into thesaurus.com (as everyone knows that searching for google on google implodes the internet in an infinite loopback) I have found an answer. Apparentl;y, lexicon.



Piledriver said:


> can i use my PL cable as a low B string?
> should i go talk to her? shes just back from thailand and i havent talked to her in ages...


 Yes, of course you can.

And yes, you should, unless it is actually your friend who went as a he, in which case you should find out her/it's new name first.



Mattayus said:


> Why do Quavers hurt the roof of my mouth?


 Because your mouth cannot handler the godlike flavourt of quavers. I recommend more practice, and one day your body will be able to handle the flavour explosion that is the quaver. Meanwhile I suggest training by having them as cheesy croutons in mushroom soup to acclimatise yourself to their godliness.


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

arktan said:


> Is posting ontopic in an offtopic forum offtopic?
> 
> EDIT: And who ate my apple!!!


yes, because by the very nature of the topics being off, posting ontopic in an off thread still leaves the thread off. Like milk, once it has gone off, no addition of milk that is not off can make it taste on again.

Your apple was eaten by someone other than you, but seeing as you were not holding it whilst it was eaten, and did not report it as stolern in the question, i have to conclude that the question is flawed, as by the rule of "finers keepers" it was not yours when consumed. Given a crime number, i could maybe attempt to answer the queastion as you had possibly intended.



Stealthtastic said:


> Find me two examples of bioremidiation and i will love you forever, you cant use fungi that eat oil.


This is a request, and not a question. 




Variant said:


> Where the fuck is my Line 6 X3 Pro, and where the fuck is my HP IQ816?!


 Nopt where they departed, and not where you want them to be. They are stuck in a delivery van, whilst the driver participates in a spot of dogging with some 56 year old gilfs.



ZeroSignal said:


> Genuine question: Which speakers should I go for a grindy tone? I'm kinda looking at these two 2X12" cabs. One has Celestion 70/80s and the other has Celestion V30s.
> LANEY GS212IE - Irish International Cyberstore
> HARLEY BENTON G212 VINTAGE - Irish International Cyberstore


 Depends on the amp, but I'd probably say out of the two the v30's are most likely. However, one cab is a harley benton, and something which is a misspelling of an american motorcycle, so I conclude that because it grinds the concience of bikers across the world that this would also be an appropriate reason.

Also it depends on what amp you are using. 

Of course, the only way to really get a grindy tone is to amplify your guitar through an electric bandsaw and pass through a sheet of metal with the saw controlled by the intensity of your playing.



Stitch said:


> When are we going for a pint, James?


 When either you find yourself in london, or i find myself in edinborough, or we both find ourselves in a midget fetish dungeon in milton keynes with a bar.


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

ZeroSignal said:


> Has the pain stopped? I thought so...


You have answered your own question with a presumption. However, the pain has not stopped, and the piles will not go away.


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## Xtremevillan (Oct 30, 2008)

Why dont I get along with the SLSMG./


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## Eric (Oct 30, 2008)

Is it mine or cousin Earl's? What will it look like?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

Xtremevillan said:


> Why dont I get along with the SLSMG./


I think it may have something to do with you sleeping with it's sister, and it has never forgiven you. Had you not laid hands on sweet virginal ms caparison, then maybe you could have a conversation and a fondle without the feeling of awkwardness 



Eric said:


> Is it mine or cousin Earl's? What will it look like?


Actually, it's is half cousin earls, half yours. Lets hope one half is the bottom, the other the top, because if your half is left, and cousin earl's is right, then well, the child will forever be two faced and split down the middle.

As to what it will look like, you should morph yourself, the mother, and earle into one picture using photoshop. Whether it is the answer, or a portent of horror remains to be seen.


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## Zepp88 (Oct 30, 2008)

Will the lords of doom crush the emo worms in glorious triumph?


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## Zepp88 (Oct 30, 2008)

Also, will there be any more nights of blood and fire?


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## Trespass (Oct 30, 2008)

*THERE IS SEMEN EVERYWHERE!!!*



How does this phrase relate to the current election?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

Zepp88 said:


> Will the lords of doom crush the emo worms in glorious triumph?


Unfortunately worms not being very hardy creatures, I will have to say no. Now, if you had used the word "squash" or "splatter", then yes. However, remember, a failed attack on a worm, merely splitting it in half will create two. This is how emo has grown as a movement, with one fan being perpetually subdivided. Emo's cut themselves to replicate. Hence, the more sadness, the more emos.



Zepp88 said:


> Also, will there be any more nights of blood and fire?


Yes. many many many nights. As long as there are metal videos, there will be nights of blood and fire, in both the warrior and time of day sense.


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## DanD (Oct 30, 2008)

How old am I?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

Trespass said:


> *THERE IS SEMEN EVERYWHERE!!!*
> 
> 
> 
> How does this phrase relate to the current election?


It relates to politics as it's all a load of wank.

however, currently it relates to a large proportion of the bible belt secretly fwapping off to sarah palin.


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 30, 2008)

DanD said:


> How old am I?


18

edit:
However, you should know how old you are, so asking me is a tad futile really...


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## Zepp88 (Oct 30, 2008)

7 Dying Trees said:


> Unfortunately worms not being very hardy creatures, I will have to say no. Now, if you had used the word "squash" or "splatter", then yes. However, remember, a failed attack on a worm, merely splitting it in half will create two. This is how emo has grown as a movement, with one fan being perpetually subdivided. Emo's cut themselves to replicate. Hence, the more sadness, the more emos.
> 
> 
> Yes. many many many nights. As long as there are metal videos, there will be nights of blood and fire, in both the warrior and time of day sense.



This is wise.


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## Trespass (Oct 30, 2008)

Though I hope no one finds out, if I was to ever come out of the closet, what would be the best way to do it?


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## Stealthdjentstic (Oct 30, 2008)

Am i 1337?


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## The Atomic Ass (Oct 30, 2008)

Trespass said:


> Though I hope no one finds out, if I was to ever come out of the closet, what would be the best way to do it?


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## Stitch (Oct 31, 2008)

What should I do?


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## bulb (Oct 31, 2008)

is obama going to win the election?


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## ZeroSignal (Oct 31, 2008)

bulb said:


> is obama going to win the election?



Bulb man! What the hell? What are you doing? You're not supposed to ask _real_ questions.


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## Zepp88 (Oct 31, 2008)

7 Dying Trees said:


> It relates to politics as it's all a load of wank.
> 
> however, currently it relates to a large proportion of the bible belt secretly fwapping off to sarah palin.



If you're not religious, or part of the bible belt, is it still okay to fwap off to Sarah Palin?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 31, 2008)

Trespass said:


> Though I hope no one finds out, if I was to ever come out of the closet, what would be the best way to do it?


By opening the door, and taking care not to trip over any rogue clothing when you step out.



Stealthtastic said:


> Am i 1337?


I highly doubt you were around during the dark ages, so no. In fact, there's not a single recorded instance of a human living that long.



Stitch said:


> What should I do?


 Go to corner shop. Buy a packet of quaver, a cheap tin of beans and some bread. Also buy a can of tennants super. Make poor man's cheese on toast. Was down with tenants.



bulb said:


> is obama going to win the election?


 Yes. Well, he'd better. Portents to the future are not my strong point as my crystal ball runs on windows ME. Unreliable at best.



Zepp88 said:


> If you're not religious, or part of the bible belt, is it still okay to fwap off to Sarah Palin?


Millions of people satiate themselves by doing the five knuckle shuffle while watching high quality media on milf.com, milfviolator.com and other such sites every day. By imagining sarah palin undressed and bent over her husbands ski sled while clutching a bible, being licked by a husky and wimpering "oh, it feels so good, yet I betrayeth the lord... if only todd could do this" and "do me any way you want, we don't need protection, I'm protected by witchcraft" you are not only fulfilling a primal need as your muscles tense and you render another keyboard inoperable, but also enriching your imaginative powers. Smiles all round.


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## Nick (Oct 31, 2008)




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## Zepp88 (Oct 31, 2008)

Good.


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## Wi77iam (Oct 31, 2008)

Why is Tupac dead?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 31, 2008)

william93 said:


> Why is Tupac dead?


Because he was shot.


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## Mattayus (Oct 31, 2008)

Ah yes but _was_ he though?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 31, 2008)

Mattayus said:


> Ah yes but _was_ he though?


well, respitory failure and cardiac arrest, but the shooting probably contributed.


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## Mattayus (Oct 31, 2008)

So how come he keeps releasing songs?!


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## Dan (Oct 31, 2008)

how many sweets are in the jar?


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## Xtremevillan (Oct 31, 2008)

I think it's due to the extra-hot pictures and the lack of a floyd--string spacing is more than usual!!


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## jaxadam (Oct 31, 2008)

What did I have for dinner last night?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 31, 2008)

Xtremevillan said:


> I think it's due to the extra-hot pictures and the lack of a floyd--string spacing is more than usual!!






Plug said:


> how many sweets are in the jar?


Depends in which jar. In my jar at home there are currently none. Otherwise I would have to say 42, as that is the answer to all things


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 31, 2008)

Mattayus said:


> So how come he keeps releasing songs?!


Corporate greed and people taking demo tapes and rehashing them as unreleased songs. Either that or someone's got a REALLY good ouija board


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## Mr. S (Oct 31, 2008)

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 31, 2008)

Mr. S said:


> How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?


By being vegetarian.


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## eleven59 (Oct 31, 2008)

What is the square root of a pigeon? 

How many is purple?

Can I fly? Should I leap from high places while attempting to distract myself in hopes of missing the ground?


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## distressed_romeo (Oct 31, 2008)

If Russell Brand, Darth Maul and Marty Friedman were all locked up in a windowless room for four hours with only a spoon and pillow, who would emerge alive?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 31, 2008)

eleven59 said:


> What is the square root of a pigeon?


It is it's food. Sqaure roots (not the mathematical kind) are a well known source of libido for pigeons. The abstract agriculture movement of the early 20th century in london had to be stopped as the pigeon population was becoming too large.



eleven59 said:


> How many is purple?


is would refer to a singular, yet purple here seems to be a plural, and the sentence does not make much sense gramatically. However, using the number substitution of a=1, b=2, ... , z=26, i can tell you purple = 88



eleven59 said:


> Can I fly? Should I leap from high places while attempting to distract myself in hopes of missing the ground?


No, not physically, and even though i cannot in good conscience advocate it, I'd say your best bet would be mescalin and a wind tunnel. 

Secondly, ony if you believe in reincarnation or want to be considered for the darwin awards.


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 31, 2008)

distressed_romeo said:


> If Russell Brand, Darth Maul and Marty Friedman were all locked up in a windowless room for four hours with only a spoon and pillow, who would emerge alive?


Russel Brand. The other would simply commit suicide after realising brand+spoon+pillow+sex drive = uncomfortable man-degrading experience thatyou'll never forget


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## auxioluck (Oct 31, 2008)

Cake or death?


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## stuh84 (Oct 31, 2008)

Why does it hurt when I touch myself, what am I doing wrong?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 31, 2008)

auxioluck said:


> Cake or death?


Cake. Death at the nads of a ligthtsaber would not be something i have planned for this evening.



stuh84 said:


> Why does it hurt when I touch myself, what am I doing wrong?


Remove the sandpaper gloves. Now try again.


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## Leec (Oct 31, 2008)

Who actually said "turtles all the way down" and to whom?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 31, 2008)

Leec said:


> Who actually said "turtles all the way down" and to whom?


Bertrand Russel, to an old lady


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## Leec (Oct 31, 2008)

Ooooh, that's not right.


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 31, 2008)

Leec said:


> Ooooh, that's not right.


Enlighten me please, although it is said that it could be attributed to a few people, my answer however, is attributed to stephen hawkings quote in a brief history of time where he possibly attributes it the foresaid person


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## ZeroSignal (Oct 31, 2008)

The cake is a lie. True or false?

And give a 20,000 word response to the above statement.


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 31, 2008)

ZeroSignal said:


> The cake is a lie. True or false?
> 
> And give a 20,000 word response to the above statement.


False. I have seen the cake. It exists.

I have a 20.000 word document supporting my argument, however, the upload function isn't working


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## xXxPriestessxXx (Oct 31, 2008)

Is the bird in fact the word?


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## Xaios (Oct 31, 2008)

As an addendum to the previous question, if bird is in fact the word, how can the word also be mum?

If bird is not the word, is mum the word? If neither of these words are the word, what is the word?


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## ZeroSignal (Oct 31, 2008)

Similarly, how can "Grease" _also_ be the word if the word is also "Bird" and "Mum".


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## Stitch (Oct 31, 2008)

My Line 6 DL6 pops when in looper mode. Why?

Why is Bob my uncle when I have no uncle named Bob?


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## budda (Oct 31, 2008)

damn, Dr. Trees is good!

how come no on this forum has seen your credentials?

how come you're so good at your job?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 31, 2008)

xXxPriestessxXx said:


> Is the bird in fact the word?


If by "the word" you mean the be all and end all of words, then no, as "the bird" is two words, and would not win an argument if said verbally, as replying with "the bird" as a phrase would just be non sensical. For detail on how to argue, please see:




Xaios said:


> As an addendum to the previous question, if bird is in fact the word, how can the word also be mum?
> 
> If bird is not the word, is mum the word? If neither of these words are the word, what is the word?


mum is a single word, but again, you cannot use "mum" as a trump card in an argument unless proeceded by "your"

The word is grease.



ZeroSignal said:


> Similarly, how can "Grease" _also_ be the word if the word is also "Bird" and "Mum".


Actually, grease is the word. john Travolta does not lie, well, didn't, as now he is part of a cult that believes in a very fucked up story involving aliens. A clever ploy by mr hubbard (who does not live in a cupboard) to make more money out of science fiction than his books ever did.


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 31, 2008)

Stitch said:


> My Line 6 DL6 pops when in looper mode. Why?
> 
> Why is Bob my uncle when I have no uncle named Bob?


because you have filled it with corn kernels and covered it in boiling oil. Either that, or it pops because it is not smoothly filtering from the end of the loop to the beginning causing a "pop" in the sound from not piecing it together smoothly.

Bob wasn't your uncle. But he gave you sweetas, you sat in his car, and the rest you have blocked from memory for reasons of sanity.


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## Stitch (Oct 31, 2008)

It only pops when I press the controls - but it does not pop in delay mode when I swap from patch to patch.

What happened to Astro sweets?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 31, 2008)

Stitch said:


> It only pops when I press the controls - but it does not pop in delay mode when I swap from patch to patch.
> 
> What happened to Astro sweets?


I cannot ask questions to diagnose your problem, this would be like typing google into google.

As for astros, they stopped selling them.


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## ZeroSignal (Oct 31, 2008)

Who would win in a fight: Jesus or my mate Dave?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Oct 31, 2008)

ZeroSignal said:


> Who would win in a fight: Jesus or my mate Dave?


As I am guessing that your mate dave is not the son of god, and that he would be fighting the son of god, that the fight would be uneven and dave would lose.

However, if jezus is the crippled kid at the end of the road, then your mate Dave would win. Especially if your mate Dave is wielding a stungun.


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## Xaios (Oct 31, 2008)

Who would win in a fight, Jesus, Luke Skywalker, or Bruce Campbell?


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## ZeroSignal (Oct 31, 2008)

Hmmm... Who'd win in a fight: Jesus, Gordon Freeman or that twat from Halo?


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## Xaios (Oct 31, 2008)

ZeroSignal said:


> Hmmm... Who'd win in a fight: Jesus, Gordon Freeman or that twat from Halo?



Jumping the gun here, I imagine it would be Jesus. Gordon Freeman and Master Chief may be amazing fighters, but they've got nothing supernatural about them.

On the other hand, you've got Jesus, who is the son of God, Luke Skywalker, who is one of the greatest Jedi to ever live, and Bruce Campbell, who's chin acts as a nexus point for all things awesome.


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## ZeroSignal (Oct 31, 2008)

Xaios said:


> Jumping the gun here, I imagine it would be Jesus. Gordon Freeman and Master Chief may be amazing fighters, but they've got nothing supernatural about them.
> 
> On the other hand, you've got Jesus, who is the son of God, Luke Skywalker, who is one of the greatest Jedi to ever live, and Bruce Campbell, who's chin acts as a nexus point for all things awesome.



True... But then again... Gordon Freeman!


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## Stealthdjentstic (Oct 31, 2008)

Speaking of gordon freeman i just finished beating HL2 + epidsode one and episode two.. amazing game!


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## Randy (Oct 31, 2008)

Who shot first: Greedo or Han?


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## Brendan G (Oct 31, 2008)

Why is the band Septic Flesh so awesome?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Nov 3, 2008)

budda said:


> damn, Dr. Trees is good!


Why thank you.



budda said:


> how come no on this forum has seen your credentials?


What credentials?



budda said:


> how come you're so good at your job?


Witchcraft, hearsay, and tabloid fueled superstition.



Xaios said:


> Who would win in a fight, Jesus, Luke Skywalker, or Bruce Campbell?


Luke Skywalker. Jesus would martyr himself to be able to ressurect a few weeks later, and bruce campbell, even in the guise of having a chainsaw on one arm would be no match for the power of the force or a lightsaber.



ZeroSignal said:


> Hmmm... Who'd win in a fight: Jesus, Gordon Freeman or that twat from Halo?


 Gordon Frreman. He can bring alien civilisations to an end wielding a crowbar.



Randy said:


> Who shot first: Greedo or Han?


 It depends if you are watching the original or the doctored version. 



Brendan G said:


> Why is the band Septic Flesh so awesome?


 SImply the name is good. WIth a name like that, how could the music ever dissapoint? Also, mainly, because you really really like their music.


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## PeteLaramee (Nov 3, 2008)

How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?


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## Mr. S (Nov 3, 2008)

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Nov 3, 2008)

PeteLaramee said:


> How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?


Depends on the size and texture of the tongue. A large rough tongue could do it in one lick*, a very smooth small one would take longer.



Mr. S said:


> Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?


Just like you,
they long to be 
Close to me














*tongue with the texture of gravel


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## 7 Dying Trees (Nov 3, 2008)

HAUCH said:


> If Kevin Bacon, Gary Sinise, and real life Peter Griffin joined Carcass. Would there be any words to describe the awesome???


I think you'll find that the words "this is so so so so wrong" would describe it more accurately.


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## Randy (Nov 3, 2008)

HAUCH said:


> If Kevin Bacon, Gary Sinise, and real life Peter Griffin joined Carcass. Would there be any words to describe the awesome???



*Rebuttal:*

How awesome would it be if Bill Steer played Ren McCormack in Footloose?


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## Stitch (Nov 3, 2008)

Who can I steal a Blackmachine from?


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## Nick (Nov 3, 2008)

some guy at the meshuggah show in glasgow was touting a blackmachine tshirt and claiming he owned one i believe....


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## InTheRavensName (Nov 3, 2008)

How much would could a wood chuck chuck, if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?


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## SteveDendura (Nov 3, 2008)

"To be or not to be. That is the question." <---- Actually I'm seeing two statements. So, in your impromptu opinion, is, to be or not to be, in fact, _THE_ question? 

When hearing the phrases, "Holy crap", "Holy smoke", and "Holy cow", can you verify that crap, smoke, and/or cattle are actually "holy"?

What is your favourite band?

And finally, do you practice the occult?


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## auxioluck (Nov 3, 2008)

What is the air speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?


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## Mattayus (Nov 3, 2008)

InTheRavensName said:


> How much would could a wood chuck chuck, if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?


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## TonalArchitect (Nov 3, 2008)

auxioluck said:


> What is the air speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?


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## budda (Nov 3, 2008)

auxioluck said:


> What is the air speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?



 this i'd like an answer to!


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## halsinden (Nov 7, 2008)

just... why?

H


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## All_¥our_Bass (Nov 7, 2008)

Why not?


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## halsinden (Nov 7, 2008)

All_¥our_Bass;1267448 said:


> Why not?









H


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## Zepp88 (Nov 7, 2008)

halsinden said:


> H


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## halsinden (Nov 7, 2008)

Zepp88 said:


>



i knew i could rely on your support man. there's a black president now, our freedom for opportunity has never been more rife. there are bright times ahead.

H


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## Zepp88 (Nov 7, 2008)




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## garthfluff (Nov 7, 2008)

If you where on a bus full of gay people. Would you get off?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Nov 7, 2008)

Randy said:


> *Rebuttal:*
> 
> How awesome would it be if Bill Steer played Ren McCormack in Footloose?


It would be crossroads without the karate kid. which, would kind of be awesome.



Stitch said:


> Who can I steal a Blackmachine from?


A fair few people. Nolly has some I believe. Innocently ask for his address. Get blacked out van and gaffa tape. And bob's your uncle.

* 7 Dying Trees does not accept any responsibility for continued daily requests to pick up the soap and the mental trauma resultant as caused by following the methodology in the answer.



InTheRavensName said:


> How much would could a wood chuck chuck, if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?


Noone chucks chuck norris. Chuck Norris chucks them.



auxioluck said:


> What is the air speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?


Depends whether it's African or European.



halsinden said:


> just... why?
> 
> H


Untill you can accept your destiny to own and love a white guitar, you will never know.

You know it is written in the satars:







All_¥our_Bass;1267448 said:


> Why not?


I reference to why Hal cannot accept his destiny, it is because he has not embarked on the journey to his inner soul.


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## 7 Dying Trees (Nov 7, 2008)

garthfluff said:


> If you where on a bus full of gay people. Would you get off?


Nope.


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## 7 Dying Trees (Nov 7, 2008)

halsinden said:


> H


The answer to this rather abstract question is soup, with croutons and cheese.


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## halsinden (Nov 7, 2008)

7 Dying Trees said:


> Untill you can accept your destiny to own and love a white guitar, you will never know.
> 
> You know it is written in the satars:
> 
> ...









you ludicrous twerp, just look at you. standing in the woods with your jeans, trainers & suit jacket. failing at truth.

H


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## 7 Dying Trees (Nov 7, 2008)

halsinden said:


> you ludicrous twerp, just look at you. standing in the woods with your jeans, trainers & suit jacket. failing at truth.
> 
> H


I feel like my style prayers have been answered. However, as this is not a question, but rather an angry denial regarding the portents of your future, i cannot answer thee.


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## ZeroSignal (Nov 7, 2008)

garthfluff said:


> If you where on a bus full of gay people. *HOW *would you get off?



Fixed.


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## 7 Dying Trees (Nov 7, 2008)

ZeroSignal said:


> Quote:
> Originally Posted by *garthfluff*
> 
> 
> ...


The answer to the question is through the bus doors of course.


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## E Lucevan Le Stelle (Nov 7, 2008)

Stitch said:


> Who can I steal a Blackmachine from?



Hmmm... it comes to my attention that if we were going out you would probably have access to my Blackmachine 7 string... :love:



...


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## arktan (Nov 7, 2008)

Mr. 7 Dying Trees, why are you answering questions?


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## petereanima (Nov 7, 2008)

Dear Dr. Trees, will i someday be the king of the world?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Nov 7, 2008)

arktan said:


> Mr. 7 Dying Trees, why are you answering questions?


Because I can. And in my own way, ease the pain of those that are inquisitive by providing healing answers to their burning questions.



petereanima said:


> Dear Dr. Trees, will i someday be the king of the world?


Through schitzophrenia and the ability to manifest onesself through multiplepersonalities one can definately become king of a world, or the world, depending on the person within the fleshy shell's mind's viewpoint.

As for king of the earth, sadly, no.


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## arktan (Nov 7, 2008)

7 Dying Trees said:


> Because I can.



*looks at 7 Dying Trees with big eyes
Why?


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## auxioluck (Nov 7, 2008)

How does one become a "Sarcy English Twat?"


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## 7 Dying Trees (Nov 7, 2008)

arktan said:


> *looks at 7 Dying Trees with big eyes
> Why?


I feel it will help heal the world.



auxioluck said:


> How does one become a "Sarcy English Twat?"


an english passport and years of cynicism.


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## halsinden (Nov 7, 2008)

7 Dying Trees said:


> an english passport and years of cynicism.



though this is by no means a sure-fire way to become so, as many have used both factors and only reached the status of "a bit of a twat".

this, of course, is more extreme than being a "a bit of ninny" (which is much akin to a cheap, overly mild and slightly out of date cheddar at a great aunt's birthday party) but nowhere near as bad as being an estate agent. both are unique anglo-ailments.

H


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## distressed_romeo (Nov 7, 2008)

Is neanderthal man in heaven?


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## halsinden (Nov 7, 2008)

distressed_romeo said:


> Is neanderthal man in heaven?



*NICE QUESTION*

H


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## Mr. S (Nov 7, 2008)

If I happen to burst the blood blisters on the ends of my fingers whilst recording tomorrow causing blood to gush everywhere will this make said recording infinitely more metal?


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## Stitch (Nov 8, 2008)

E Lucevan Le Stelle said:


> Hmmm... it comes to my attention that if we were going out you would probably have access to my Blackmachine 7 string... :love:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I'm all over it. 

James, why, on the guitar I have just finished wiring up, do both volumes act as a master volume when in the middle position? The only thing that I think could cause it is my earthing...

Also, my tones are B500k but are only acting in the last little part of the sweep. What gives?


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## Zepp88 (Nov 8, 2008)

Dr. Trees, am I losing my mind?


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## E Lucevan Le Stelle (Nov 9, 2008)

Stitch said:


> I'm all over it.
> 
> James, why, on the guitar I have just finished wiring up, do both volumes act as a master volume when in the middle position? The only thing that I think could cause it is my earthing...
> 
> Also, my tones are B500k but are only acting in the last little part of the sweep. What gives?



Problem one: your switch in the middle position connects the output from both volumes together, effectively putting the two pickups in parallel but also the volume controls - hence both are in the circuit for both pickups.

Problem two - chances are you're using the wrong kind of pots (logarithmic instead of linear).


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## astrocreep (Nov 9, 2008)

How does one get an 'English' passport?


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## 7 Dying Trees (Nov 10, 2008)

distressed_romeo said:


> Is neanderthal man in heaven?


As I am not religious I'd have to say no, but on matters of religion, depending on who you ask, you will get different answers. 



Mr. S said:


> If I happen to burst the blood blisters on the ends of my fingers whilst recording tomorrow causing blood to gush everywhere will this make said recording infinitely more metal?





Stitch said:


> I'm all over it.
> 
> James, why, on the guitar I have just finished wiring up, do both volumes act as a master volume when in the middle position? The only thing that I think could cause it is my earthing...
> 
> Also, my tones are B500k but are only acting in the last little part of the sweep. What gives?


Unless i can see the wiring diagram, it'll be hard to tell. But most stuff like this is generally an earting issue. I take it you have wired the pickup hot to the volume in each case, and the output of each volume to the switch? Have you eartthed the switch?

B pots are linear, so they should be correct. Could be that the capacitor value doesn't match well with it, did you replace 250k with 500k?



astrocreep said:


> How does one get an 'English' passport?


You can get a passport for the United Kingdom, not english. Same as Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales all get UK passports.

Failing that, you could make one out of cardboard and pipe cleaners.



Zepp88 said:


> Dr. Trees, am I losing my mind?


Yes. Phone lost property on 1-800-GET-MIND


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## petereanima (Nov 10, 2008)

Dear Dr. Trees, i have a difficult decision to make: a colleague of mine just called me, telling me that his neighbour found 2 young wild kitties (they have lots of them there), and as his neighbour is an asshole and alraedy the whole street where he lives took some of the wild kitties in the past few weeks, he wants to kill them if nobody takes them.

Should i fulfill one of my girlfriends biggest wishes and bring 2 cute kitties home?

the only thing i am a little scared of is, that we moved to this complete new flat just one year ago and have mostly new furniture, which will probably be "vintage-ed" by teh kittehz. 

your wise help would be apprecciated!


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