# Gig confessionals - share your own!



## Quitty (Oct 27, 2011)

Bless me soundguy for i am playing tonight.
It has been 3 weeks since my last gig.

Let my pick be true, let my gitfiddle hold tune, let my amp kick ass -
for though i walk in the valley of the shadow of my humongous vocalist, i will fear no cables, for there are 4 spotlights on stage, and a smoke machine that stinks. 
Thy mics and thy comfort - they console me. 
Or was it the other way around?

And if my pick does falter, he oh greasy bastard, lend me a miracle and have my audience grow daft while i go all Knopfler on their asses.
Let the air-conditioning work, let my pedal light up with the light of a thousand torches or a single LED, and please, please don't put me under the splash cymbals again.

And end with a chant:
Oh soundman, ooh you are so big, so absolutely huge -
gosh, we're all really impressed down here i can tell you.
Forgive us oh soundman for this, our dreadful toadying and barefaced flattery but you are so strong and, well, just so super.
Amen. 


(just needed to vent. I feel much better now )


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## Marv Attaxx (Oct 27, 2011)

I once had a boner onstage but nobody saw it because I was hiding it under my guitar.


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## DaveFSJ (Oct 27, 2011)

So your vocalist and sound man are well hung.....?


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## KingAenarion (Oct 27, 2011)

I once whispered in the ear of a guy I was playing a Jazz session gig with that I had just started dating his sister, and that we'd been making out before I came on stage... He kept fucking up his solos he was so angry with me.


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## Exploder (Oct 27, 2011)

Oh jesus,

Had the stomach flu on tour and power puked on three people during a breakdown.

Lost a battle with "the PBR shits" in the middle of a fairly large show.

I have terrible luck, I could go on alllllll day...


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## avenger (Oct 28, 2011)

^Lmao! Please tell me you were crabcoring it when you shat all over!


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## Exploder (Oct 28, 2011)

avenger said:


> ^Lmao! Please tell me you were crabcoring it when you shat all over!


 
Man, I wish! I was wearing gym shorts and had to ditch 'em after the song. A friend from a band we were touring with gave me his and played their set in his boxers. EVERYONE saw what happened.


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## avenger (Oct 28, 2011)

That's unreal man! I wouldn't give a guy who just shit everywhere my shorts to ruin.


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## Exploder (Oct 28, 2011)

Nah, we were all pretty tight. When you're on the road for a while you all become like a big family.


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## Murmel (Oct 28, 2011)

Exploder said:


> Oh jesus,
> 
> Had the stomach flu on tour and power puked on three people during a breakdown.
> 
> ...





I image I got in my head of you headbanging and shitting yourself was incredible. I wouldn't want to be the guy cleaning afterwards either, because I assume a lot of it went on the floor?


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## rythmic_pulses (Oct 28, 2011)

Headbanging, gashed my forehead with the spikey strings on the headstock, that has happened too many times to me but only if I drink.


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## eaeolian (Oct 28, 2011)

I wouldn't even know where to start.

Well, recent: I fell on my ass (by tripping over my pedalboard) during a solo a couple of shows ago.


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## Exploder (Oct 28, 2011)

Murmel said:


> I image I got in my head of you headbanging and shitting yourself was incredible. I wouldn't want to be the guy cleaning afterwards either, because I assume a lot of it went on the floor?


 
I think my leg hairs caught most of it. haha


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## VILARIKA (Oct 28, 2011)

Exploder said:


> Oh jesus,
> 
> Had the stomach flu on tour and power puked on three people during a breakdown.
> 
> ...



Exploder, is it?


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## Moonfridge (Oct 28, 2011)

Marv Attaxx said:


> I once had a boner onstage but nobody saw it because I was hiding it under my guitar.


 
Probably the best post I've ever seen 



Exploder said:


> Lost a battle with "the PBR shits" in the middle of a fairly large show.


 
Ohhh man, I don't think I would have the willpower to carry on after shit like that (No pun intended). Props to you for soldiering on!


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## Stealthdjentstic (Oct 28, 2011)

eaeolian said:


> I wouldn't even know where to start.
> 
> Well, recent: I fell on my ass (by tripping over my pedalboard) during a solo a couple of shows ago.



Old age catching up with you?


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## Quitty (Oct 28, 2011)

I had a bra thrown at me half-way through the show.

I played a song or two with it on my head, then played the rest of the show with the thing hanging from my headstock.

My girlfriend was not pleased


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## rug (Oct 29, 2011)

I played a wrong note once...that was a long time ago though, thank goodness.


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## AcousticMinja (Oct 29, 2011)

The song we were playing was simple and on the lowest B string...all of a sudden it got way out of tune. So I played the rest of the song on the octave above it  then, the other guitarists amp had massive feedback so bad the sound guy turned him off, so I was left riding the high B by myself along with the bassist, who was just filling in. Then the bassist got frustrated not knowing how to play, so he quit playing in the middle of his songs. All his friends were not pleased, neither were we.
'twas a funkadelical day.


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## Stealthtastic (Oct 29, 2011)

I accidentally unplugged my other guitarists pedal board by stepping on it. hahaaa 
He was like seriously freaking out on stage wondering what happpened, and I just kept playing. And everyone was staring at him haaha.


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## Mr_Nugglet (Oct 29, 2011)

Last night I was playing a show and stepped on my distortion pedal jumping around like a kid high on crack and kicked the clean on during my little guitar break part. Later on in the set I was doing more jumping and stepped on my tuner so my guitar signal just went to the tuner... took me awhile to realize.


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## brutalwizard (Oct 30, 2011)

i did a show a little to unsober and fucked up a bunch

never again haha


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## ibanezRG1527 (Oct 30, 2011)

not my gig but i was at a punk show yesterday and this all girl punk band started playing and since i was bored as fuck i started making out with the guitarist while she was on stage haha luckily she was into it too and i didnt get hit in the face 

never shit myself on stage though. im pretty jelly dude


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## KingAenarion (Oct 30, 2011)

Mr_Nugglet said:


> Last night I was playing a show and stepped on my distortion pedal jumping around like a kid high on crack and kicked the clean on during my little guitar break part. Later on in the set I was doing more jumping and stepped on my tuner so my guitar signal just went to the tuner... took me awhile to realize.



Clearly the lesson here is don't jump around like a kid high on crack on a small stage...


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## Mr_Nugglet (Oct 30, 2011)

KingAenarion said:


> Clearly the lesson here is don't jump around like a kid high on crack on a small stage...



Sad thing was, that it wasn't that small of a stage. It was on the floor and we are only a 3 piece.


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## goatLuke (Oct 30, 2011)

I was playing a show in a bar last night with no stage, we were on a concrete floor. A drunk girl jumped on her boyfriend causing him to fall over and spill his beer on the floor just as our singer was running in my direction he slipped on the beer and went nose first into the headstock of my jackson V and gashed his nose pretty good. He never missed a beat though what a trooper.


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## Stealthtastic (Oct 30, 2011)

No Clearly the lesson is don't laugh at the guy who shit himself on stage, I did, and laughed so hard I shit myself.......


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## myampslouder (Oct 31, 2011)

I fell off a speaker once during a show. I went to jump up on a huge sub during a show and fell over halfway up. I landed half on the sub and half on the stage and somehow managed to not miss a note. 

I'm sure I'll remember some more good stories throughout the day


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