# I forgot to lock the door....



## shredguitar7 (Aug 8, 2011)

so, i work at a hospital, and i always lock the door when i go to the bathroom. well today, i was taking a massive indian food dump, and right at the climax, this really hot nurse walks in without knocking first to see my dick and balls and smell the worlds most horrendous dookie ever. and to make it worse, when the door opened all i could think to say was, SHITTING !! furthermore, why dont people knock anymore. i was tought to always knock reguardless. it kind of bugs me to see people just grab a handle and try to open a door without knocking. manners dont seem to be necesarry this day in age. if this isnt off topic then i dont know what is. hope it was an interesting read.. now everytime that nurse sees me, all she will think is, "SHITTING - tiny dick and balls, omg you stink "


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## Murdstone (Aug 8, 2011)

I'll put it to you this way, if she's still interested after this you know you've found the one. Keep your chin up and the door locked.


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## SirMyghin (Aug 8, 2011)

Murdstone said:


> I'll put it to you this way, if she's still interested after this you know you've found the one. Keep your chin up and the door locked.


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## shredguitar7 (Aug 8, 2011)

its not even that i like the girl or anything, i have a 33 year old cougar. so im good their, but it just sucked. i always ALWAYS lock the door. and the one time i forget.


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## Mordacain (Aug 8, 2011)

Funniest shit I've read in awhile. Thanks man! Really perked up my day there


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## ScrotieMcBoogerballs (Aug 8, 2011)

I lost my figurative shit at "SHITTING!".


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## Antimatter (Aug 8, 2011)

Someone actually using the word 'dookie' is what did it for me.


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## shredguitar7 (Aug 8, 2011)

glad i could be of assistance.. ill be here all week folks...


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## metal_sam14 (Aug 8, 2011)

I hate to laugh at your misfortune brother but my god is that funny


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## Sephael (Aug 8, 2011)

seriously as a nursing student I can tell you she seen worse and probably had her hand in it too.


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## shredguitar7 (Aug 8, 2011)

Sephael said:


> seriously as a nursing student I can tell you she seen worse and probably had her hand in it too.


 
yea, i agree. i work in transport and i see some nasty shit just doing that..


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## Blind Theory (Aug 8, 2011)

I have this scene in my head where I walk in a bathroom and hear Charlie Sheen saying "SHITTING!" to me Man is that winning (did you see what I did there?!?!)


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## JamesM (Aug 8, 2011)

Sorry about the tiny dick and balls, mate.


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## shredguitar7 (Aug 8, 2011)

The Armada said:


> Sorry about the tiny dick and balls, mate.


 



















 3 inches is pretty big to a midgit..


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## JamesM (Aug 8, 2011)

You show that midget how us big men do it.


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## Grand Moff Tim (Aug 8, 2011)

How were you sitting on the john that she was able to see your cock and balls when she walked in? Were you planking ass-down or something?


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## JamesM (Aug 8, 2011)

^They're tiny, man.


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## MFB (Aug 8, 2011)

I must be weird then, because whenever I sit on the toilet shitting, I let my arms just sit on my legs which covers my shit; despite their immense size and all.


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## JamesM (Aug 9, 2011)

I sit similarly. I've been told I sit on the toilet very effeminately, actually. 


Only way to keep my johnson out of the water.


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## Thep (Aug 9, 2011)

I say that makes a nice conversational starter with her.


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## BigPhi84 (Aug 9, 2011)

MFB said:


> I must be weird then, because whenever I sit on the toilet shitting, I let my arms just sit on my legs which covers my shit; despite their immense size and all.



Maybe it's one of those closet-sized bathrooms where the door is directly in front of the toilet, giving a front row seat to all spectators!


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## JamesM (Aug 9, 2011)

Or maybe he shits standing up. Chick was probably mortified.


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## Grand Moff Tim (Aug 9, 2011)

Maybe he drops dooks with his knees pulled up behind his ears, precariously pearched on the seat.


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## Gamma362 (Aug 9, 2011)

This thread has given me some good laughs. Its not nice to laugh at your misfortune, but its too funny not to


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## BigPhi84 (Aug 9, 2011)

Wow, I'm surprised that this thread isn't closed yet. 

Back on topic:



8=>


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## Grand Moff Tim (Aug 9, 2011)

We could come up with all kinds of hilarious and creative ways to dumpify a toilet so that an intruder would be able to see your junks, but the list of How to Dumpify _Without_ Allowing Intruders to View the P33N would have only one entry: "Like a normal person."


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## pink freud (Aug 9, 2011)

Mordacain said:


> Funniest shit I've read in awhile



ba dum tsh!


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## JamesM (Aug 9, 2011)

At least you penetrated her in a way she will never forget. 

As far as the future, outlook not so good.


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## Grand Moff Tim (Aug 9, 2011)

"Hey, remember that time you walked in on me when I was taking a gigantic, putrid shit? Hahahaha! We should date!"


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## SenorDingDong (Aug 9, 2011)

shredguitar7 said:


> 3 inches is pretty big to a midgit..



Yeah, well... I bet I'm smaller.






Wait, I think I did that wrong.




Anyways, people without manners bother me tremendously. That being said, when I drop a large brown town down into the pool to drown, I lock my door.


Now, perhaps he can help you remember.


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## Hollowway (Aug 9, 2011)

Jstring said:


>





OP, your story had me literally laughing out loud. Made my day!


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## Deadnightshade (Aug 9, 2011)

Mordacain said:


> Funniest *shit* I've read in awhile. Thanks man! Really perked up my day there




giggle giggle giggle...


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## Xaios (Aug 9, 2011)

Tell her that, since she's now gotten a detailed account of the contents of your colon, it's only fair that you get one of hers.


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## Sephael (Aug 9, 2011)

Hospitals have stretched out toilets for the specimen catch, this means if you sitting comfortably towards the back there is plenty of "viewing room" if you don't sit knees together.


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## Edika (Aug 9, 2011)

Just to derail the conversation from the toilet humor !

It seems in France it is impolite to knock on the toilet door and you are supposed to just try to open it. If it is occupied it's locked otherwise it is free. When you are knocking it seems you are like asking the person to finish up and get out because he is taking too long! I always knock before trying the door and like so I have gotten some pretty strange looks when the people came out, with a woman in a club actually asking me if I was the one knocking and telling me with an angry look that she didn't take that long and some other crap I didn't understand due to the noise!
Crazy Shit!!!


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## Guitarmiester (Aug 9, 2011)

Who reads the news when they can read ill-equipped shitting stories?


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## cwhitey2 (Aug 9, 2011)

that happened to me once...except it was a dude coming in 


i would honestly take the hot chick situation all day 

it might just be weird starting a convo with her now


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## Murmel (Aug 9, 2011)

Did you have a boner? It happens sometimes when you take a shit. It's alright.


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## gunshow86de (Aug 9, 2011)

I read the title and expected another stolen gear thread. Not sure if this is better or worse?


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## vampiregenocide (Aug 9, 2011)

Don't worry man mine is only 3 inches too....




























...3 inches from the floor that is.


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## Nonservium (Aug 9, 2011)

The Armada said:


> At least you penetrated her in a way she will never forget.
> 
> As far as the future, outlook not so good.



Some things you just can't wash off. This is one of them. Good job. Scarring people for life is always fun.


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## Blake1970 (Aug 9, 2011)

This made my day 100% better! Thanks for sharing.


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## JamesM (Aug 9, 2011)

I hope you washed your hands.


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## Necris (Aug 9, 2011)

Xaios said:


> Tell her that, since she's now gotten a detailed account of the contents of your colon, it's only fair that you get one of hers.


Telling a lady you want to watch her poop is always a good conversation starter.


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## shredguitar7 (Aug 9, 2011)

Sephael said:


> Hospitals have stretched out toilets for the specimen catch, this means if you sitting comfortably towards the back there is plenty of "viewing room" if you don't sit knees together.


 
this, plus they have a space cut out in the front where it nomally curves around to make one uniform seat.. so my cock was in full view..

apparently shit humor is the way to go. add a hot chick and a average sized wang and you got yourself a scorcher of a thread. glad i could make u guys laugh. and yes, i did wash my hands. i work at a hospital, what do you think i am sir...


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## Mordacain (Aug 9, 2011)

And this continues to deliver funny shit 2nd day running 

Stay classy ss.org!


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## JamesM (Aug 9, 2011)

shredguitar7 said:


> this, plus they have a space cut out in the front where it nomally curves around to make one uniform seat.. so my cock was in full view..
> 
> apparently shit humor is the way to go. add a hot chick and a average sized wang and you got yourself a scorcher of a thread. glad i could make u guys laugh. and yes, i did wash my hands. i work at a hospital, what do you think i am sir...



Don't get upset, we're just having good fun with you.


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## shredguitar7 (Aug 9, 2011)

The Armada said:


> Don't get upset, we're just having good fun with you.


 
i know baby  me love you long time, but you to bo-ku..


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## niffnoff (Aug 9, 2011)

My gosh.... epic story brother.

Moral of the story:

Lock the door.
Don't eat indian.


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## TimSE (Aug 9, 2011)

Wow that man me do this


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## leandroab (Aug 9, 2011)

vampiregenocide said:


> Don't worry man mine is only 3 inches too....
> 
> ...3 inches from the floor that is.



Why were you laying down on the ground?


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## shredguitar7 (Aug 9, 2011)

leandroab said:


> i..... love....you...


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## tacotiklah (Aug 9, 2011)

Just remind her that the secrets of the universe are BETWEEN the buns. 

Next time charge her a fee for admission.


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## leandroab (Aug 9, 2011)

ghstofperdition said:


> Just remind her that the secrets of the universe are BETWEEN the buns.


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