# Daily Adventures of Mixer Man



## RenegadeDave (Jan 22, 2009)

Anyone know how this one ends?

The Daily Adventures Of Mixerman | Welcome

I've been looking for the better part of 6 months for closure to this thing. If you've not read it, read it, or don't. It's really entertaining, but it ends at a cliff hanger that you need the book to resolve, a book that is no longer for sale. Why the guy doesn't self publish an e-book, I'll never know. 

So anybody got a PDF or a copy of the book that i could borrow. I'd be willing to pay somebody to borrow their copy of this book.

EDIT: fuck it. I bought a $79 copy of this book off ebay just now. Now I will know. There's one more up for the same price if anyone else is looking for it.


----------



## eaeolian (Jan 22, 2009)

Damn. I should've bought it when it was $40.


----------



## thadood (Jan 25, 2009)

Oh, where has this been all my life! I'm going to have my gf read this damn thing. She doesn't seem to understand what goes on when I do ANYTHING related to recording.

So, is there any way of getting the end of this thing? I'm on week 2 right now. I suppose if the ending is a total cliffhanger, I'll just have to buy it.


----------



## RenegadeDave (Jan 27, 2009)

My copy hasn't shown up, but yes, it is a total cliff hanger. Hopefully it will show up sometime this week. I'm not holding my breath though.


----------



## RenegadeDave (Feb 2, 2009)

Now it's up to $99 on ebay...


----------



## moshwitz (Feb 11, 2009)

You mean this one... 










This is a great book,, I too had read the weblog and just had to get it when i was left hanging once i got it, I couldn't put it down, there is some funny shit in there,, and just some of the inter-band drama that happens in the band he is recording is so funny cause i have seen it first hand so many times, like anyone else who has been in a number of bands,, its like you were there.

I didn't know they were commanding such a price,, I oughta put my in the general for sale section 


MOSHON
DAVE


----------



## RenegadeDave (Feb 11, 2009)

Yeah I've thought about putting mine up.


----------



## silentrage (Feb 11, 2009)

Holy crap that's a lot more than I expected it to cost.
Guess I'll have to hang on this cliff for a while.


----------



## silentrage (Feb 22, 2009)

I have uh... *cough*acquired*cough* the mixer man book.
Not on paper... but on... shall we say, fairy paper.
PM me if you're interested.


----------



## RenegadeDave (Feb 22, 2009)

I got it on paper, I wish you had acquired this fairy paper book about a month ago, I'd still have $82.50 in my bank account. Either way, good find!

The more I think about the book the more I like it.


----------



## silentrage (Feb 23, 2009)

It's an awesome book alright, I think I'll do one of my famous pirate from behind maneuvers on it.
Basically means I ... uh... acquire it, then dominate it like a hairy pirate, then pay for its services once I've gotten my hands on some bootays. If I don't, I throw it over the side.


----------



## silentrage (Feb 27, 2009)

Some material a fan collected from the pro audio forum mixerman posts at, it's just fucking gold. I don't think it's part of the actual book, hopefully it's not, but if someone informs me that it is, I'll remove it out of respect. 

*Pissing in the Wind*

by *nobjob*
_Posted: 11 Dec 2002 08:29 pm_
How many years of curses and tears
When will Bitch Slap emerge from the gloom
Who brought the crowbar to pry Cotton's head
From the wall of the tracking room
And how out of hand must a band member be
Before he is banned from the womb

The answer, my friend, is pissing in the wind
The answer is pissing in the wind

How many hours of studio time
Before a record is sold
How many assistants must be dismissed
before one of them does as he's told
How many mooks must Penny indulge
Before she grabs the Knob Of Gold

The answer, my friend, is pissing in the wind
The answer is pissing in the wind

How many hours must the studio bill
Before all the pockets are lined
How many flakes can Mixerman take
Before he loses his mind
And how many fatties must Willy Show smoke
Before he can finally unwind

The answer, my friend, is pissing in the wind
The answer is pissing in the wind
[Back] [ToC] [Next]​ *Bad, bad Mixermad!*

_Posted by: *arnold*
Posted: 09 Dec 2002 05:09 am_
This is my first post on this forum. My name is Arnold and I am 17 years old. I find this to be the most tasteless display of childisness I''ve ever witnessed.

My family is very involved in the entertainment business. As a matter of fact, if it weren't for my father and uncle many of you wouldn't be working.

Making fun of the record people and the musicians who employ you shows a very immature and ungrateful attitude. We are not mooks. We run this town and you're nothing without us. I don't know how much of this mixman story is true. I personally have suffered from his so&#8211;called humor. 
Kids at the private school I go to now refer to my aunt as Penny. A bully even called my father Marvelous. I know where he got this from and it is not amusing. 
What's even more disguting is that many of the people who post on this forum seem to think it's funny to make fun of other people. The crudeness displayed by such characters as loudist and studiojimi is appalling. 
I can't believe these people claim to be professionals. Others, such as bbchessman have made references to people very close to my family. 
I guarantee you if he's found out he won't be able to get a gig in a strip bar which he probably would like anyway.

The others seem to go along with this and do nothing to stop it. Someday, I will take over my father's company and I won't put up with any of you arrogant pricks. Some of you actually find it amusing to make fun of a dead person. This shows how low this forum has become.
I hope mixman is exposed and loses his job.


_Posted by: *slipperman*
Posted: 09 Dec 2002 12:05 pm_
On 09 Dec 2002 00:09 arnold wrote:
Quote:
_ Making fun of the record people and the musicians who employ you shows a very immature and ungrateful attitude. We are not mooks. We run this town and you're nothing without us._

_ The crudeness displayed by such characters as loudist and studiojimi is appalling. I can't believe these people claim to be professionals. Others, such as bbchessman have made references to people very close to my family._

_ This shows how low this forum has become._


_ I hope mixman is exposed and loses his job._
Hey arnold. I'm with you homeslice.
That bbchessman is a real backstabbing meanie.
Him and trackman41 are just rotten old studioguys who take pride, and find enjoyment in raining blood and fire on all the great new music your supercool dad is graciously finding for the public these days.

Mondo cool groups like....
Well you know the good bands and so do I, so there's no point in wasting our breath with these tired old geezers.
As for Mixerman.

He's done for.
Toast.

I've made certain that guys like your pop and other cool music&#8211;biz types have seen the diary and have been filled in on EXACTLY who he is and what his major malfuntion is. We're just giving him a little more rope before we run him outta the biz forever. And good riddance to him.

He's under the impression this is about HIM. We know better. We know it's about the special relationship between your dad and the millions of kids he works so hard to provide jammin' music for.
Nobody gets less, or deserves more, credit, than the hard working community of record industry professionals behind every great current hit.
These selfless individuals are the TRUE STARS. The 'starmakers'. The folks who 'see to it' that only the most talented and deserving are selected and promoted.

Always willing to take a shot on a new and exciting future luminary for the good of the record buying public.
Never jaded and biased. Never quick to engage in the type of backscratching, log&#8211;rolling, petty, evil, cheap, cut&#8211;throat, devisive, malicious or unscrupulous business practices that plauge so many other less noble walks of life.

Real PRO AUDIO guys like me and Roger Nichols know where it's at. We know about the cutting edge gear. We only use the best. Because you, our important and informed clients, demand and deserve the best. 100% Pro&#8211;Tools(None of this silly Alsihad stuff for me) quality. A dangerous mix with me, Tom, Andy, Mick, Jack, Chris, Brendan or Walter(The EXCELLENT 8, I like to call us)and... Wala! Off to the mastering house with Bob, George, Ted, Tom or Steve(The FABULOUS 5) for the special VOLUME adjustments... that 'sparkle and sheen' that cries out! "RADIO PLAY".

Guys like me(Roger, doesn't really work any more, he's kind of retired and a spokesperson for our club) and the rest of the 'Excellent 8' know our place in the scheme of things.

We're just tiny cogs in the giant machinary your dad runs. Things go better for everybody if we just trust the system and whir along with smooth and silent precision. It's for our own good.
WE KNOW IT. AND SO SHOULD EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE 'TECHNICIANS' ON THIS FORUM .

I JUST CAN'T BELEIVE HOW MANY PEOPLE HERE, AND ALL OVER OUR BUSINESS REFUSE TO WAKE UP AND SMELL THE STARBUCKS BREWING.

It's really so sad.
Well. I think we've seen enough here.

I don't know about you, but I'm heading over to the Velvet Rope. Get back to the company of the sane and caring individuals who make our wonderful business run in the smooth and compassionate fashion we inherited from our great and sage mentors.
It's all about 'Networking'.

Maybe over there I can tell you about this exciting new record I'm mixing for one of you're Dads friend's labels. I don't want to go into it too much here because of the 'icky' people but... . This band is SO ROCKIN'. They are NEXT.

Just a little 'teaser':

They are as talented and TOTALLY original in songwriting as CREED, THE VINES or NICKLEBACK.
They sing and play even better than LINKIN PARK or THE WHITE STRIPES(isn't the girl drummer the coolest? She keeps a great beat).

Not to get into it here but....

After the standard 3 market $900k 'Radio Donation'. I'm calling 'scans' of 450-500k units in just 6-10 weeks. It could just top 2 million nationally LOP. I've got a lot of other exciting predictions for you, but they're lost on these losers. The label has already talked with 'The Stone'. They've got some great cover ideas brewing!
The singer is already a 'Guess Jeans' male model with totally great arms, six pack abs, smooth hairless chest, rippling shoulders and back, classic cheekbones/eyes, first rate ink, daring(but not gross) piercings and a showstopping butt!!!!! It's ironclad. Ironclad.
Well anyhoo. Like I said. Time better spent on 'The Rope'. See ya over there! My handle is "Biz&#8211;Bot".

Cool, Right?

XOXO Your new pal 'Slipperman'.

If you quit smoking today you won't live longer... .. It'll just FEEL that way.


_Posted by: *arnold*
Posted: 11 Dec 2002 03:37 am_
Well well well. Some of you insist on promulgating this horrendous nonsense while continuing to get your cheap kicks out of this forum. I find it very hard to believe that any of you are professionals. 
The music industry survives because of people like my dad and my uncle. I hope you all realize that someday I will be sitting behind my dad's desk and pulling the strings around here. I'm already making notes about each one of you.

So now these chronicles have stooped to the level of insinuating an affair between a well respected record executive and his employee. I can assure you that this is utter nonsense. To even think that anything like this could take place in this respectable profession is absurd.

I wouldn't be surprised if a week from now I see mixerman walking up and down Lankershiem Blvd holding a sign that reads:
"will record for food"

and that pot head Willy will be right behind him with his sign:
"will produce for marijuana"

They'll watch me drive by in my BMW and honk at their sorry asses as I toss my empty Perrier bottle at them.

Sincerely

Arnold



_Posted by: *slipperman*
Posted: 11 Dec 2002 03:46 am_
On 10 Dec 2002 22:37 arnold wrote:
Quote:
_ They'll watch me drive by in my BMW and honk at their sorry asses as I toss my empty Perrier bottle at them._
You tell em' Arnie!

I'll pinch them so hard they won't be able to sit down for weeks.
We're like a fearsome machine.
A fierce and fearsome machine.
Cranking out the hits.

For the kids.
Back to 'The Rope' for an illuminated view.
Long live the 'Excellent 8'!!!!!!!!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
SM

AKA 'biz&#8211;bot'
If you quit smoking today you won't live longer... .. It'll just FEEL that way.


[Back] [ToC] [Next]​ *Advice*

_Posted by: *dwoz*
Posted: 12 Dec 2002 03:43 pm_

Since nobody else here has any balls to stand up to mixerman, I guess I'll just have to do it.

Mixerman. Bud. Let me give you some pointers.
Your writing is, well, 'very nice'...

But the gearslutz guys are right. You need to just touch things up a tiny bit, let me give you an example, would you mind?

"... as I walked down the hallway toward the womb, I couldn't help but feel that little giddyness in the pit of my stomach as I approached the door. The same giddyness I used to get watching Star Trek, the bridge of the USS Enterprise, with all the buttons, screens, knobs... paradise.

I opened the door to the womb and stepped in. I let out an involuntary gasp as the sight of the 72 input SSL Oxford console commanded my attention. What a sexy board. I approached the console slowly, drinking in its sleek, 9 foot wide form and style. On the plasma meter bridge I spotted the ubiquitous Dunlavy NS&#8211;10 nearfields, and in the soffits were the classic Urei 1039's, with the Westlake mods. To the left of the console was the first rack of outboard... a sea of Neve 531s and API 1072s.

I was starting to think I might be able to make a record in this place.

Next to that, I saw a handful of CraneSong Euroracks, and a rack of Mytek 882 converters feeding the Sonar Hard Disk Recording rig. No Alsihad here, by gum!

Rounding out the left hand racks, were a bevy of brand new Pultec 1176's, and a collection of vintage BBE gear.
Damn, we're ROCKIN'!

I looked behind the racks with a feeling of uncertain fear, only to find that the gear was all wired with Monster silver interconnects, and the mic tie lines to the studio were all canare star quad. Not a ProCo logo in site. I asked my assistant for some kleenex to clean myself up, then moved over to the mic cabinet.

As I opened the cabinet, I told the assistant to just hand me the whole box of kleenex, because my gaze was filled with the most beautiful sight I've ever seen.

A VINTAGE Sony RE&#8211;20. Several matched pairs of AKG MXL2001s... some vintage Shure condensers with the C&#8211;12 capsule... the usual bunch of Neumann U88s, M&#8211;67s, BFD&#8211;104s, and of course, an entire shelf of my secret weapon, the SM&#8211;57. This mic is my workhorse, my thursday night call girl.

I closed the mic cabinet and took a moment to check out the room. Well&#8211;appointed, with plenty of Auralex. I could tell just by looking that this place probably sounded awesome.

As I was drinking in the room, a very pretty, petit young woman entered the control room. "um..Mr. Mixerman?" she asked. She seemed distressed.

"Yes, that's me. Are you alright?"

"Oh, I'm FINE." she said. "Its just that... well... even after working in this studio as the business manager for the last 3 years, I still get a flutter of sexual passion and excitement from meeting an Audio Engineer. Don't take it personally, Its just that you AE's are so... .hot".

I decided that I would have to get better aquainted with the business manager, but later. There was work to do now, I was ON THE CLOCK".

"Magnolia?" I asked.

"Yes?" she responded, expectantly.

"I was just wondering... everything seems fine, but I don't see the rack of Brent Averill racked Soundcraft series 600 vintage mic pre's that I rented in." 

"Oh, the rental company just called... they should be here within the hour."

"good, very good. Also, Magnolia, I was wondering, would you call them and ask them to throw on some DBX L2's, and perhaps a Telefunken 166a or three? Make sure its the 166A, not the plain old 166, now."

"Sure thing, Mixer. Um, can I call you that?"

"Yeah, you can call me anything you want, Mag".
She blushed, and as she turned to make the call, I distinctly noticed her gaze drop to evaluate my crotch area.
Ah, the life of an AE.
..."

Ok, Mixerman, Got that? see how it flowed, how it set up dramatic tension, and also managed to give some insight into just how a big mutha AE hit machine makes his mojo work?
Maybe you should try a bit of this!
dwoz



_Posted by: *bbchessman*
Posted: 13 Dec 2002 01:51 pm_
Forget the movie. Forget the mini series. The diaries should be made into a regular TV series.

Every week we'd tune in to see the progress made. But the album never ever gets done. Just like Gilligan's Island where they never get rescued. 

And mixerman is this frustrated engineer who goes through ups and downs and at one point even ends up on skid row with a substance abuse problem. Lance tries to help him out but he only makes things worse. But then Willy finds him at the Fred Jordan rescue mission and talks him into comming back on the project. It's one of the best episodes. A real tear jerker.

This could run as long as Cheers and the band members get older and older (so does poor mixerman) and finally the show gets cancelled cause everyone's too old. BUT WAIT: Ten years later, Return to Bitch SLAP. The conclusion episode that was never made. The album gets finished!


[Back] [ToC] [Next]​ *Theories*

Theories are fun, wether they are good or not. These are just teasers, if you really want to look up the theories, use Google. And don't blame me for stupidity. 
Bands considered bad enough to be Bitch Slap:


Hot Action Cop
MEST
 Other bands:


PaloAlto
Cave In
Metallica
UDORA
 (im)Possible hints:


24 Jun 2003
"See, I could have sworn it came out today (6/24). Rhythm section problems, a hype band that moves from "the midwest" to LA two years ago, a singer obsessed with his hair, members that carry purses, the type of band that would be familiar with Zep and Chili Peppers songs, and a very hot/famous producer working at a studio he usually uses to boot... "
Or maybe that was when the album was scheduled to be released, but then it was renamed and slightly delayed...
29 Jul 2003
"hmmmm engineered an mixed by JOHN SMITH"
_Posted by: *mixerman*
Post date: 16 Mar 2002 23:11_ On 20 Feb 2002 13:13 fibes wrote:
Quote:

_ Have you ever read Eugene Chadborne's "I hate the man who owns the bar?"... .or something like that. It's hilarious. It explains the different types of band members: The Svengali: stick with me and I'll take you places. The quiet one: usually doesn't say much and out of the blue just quits. He's usually the Bass player._
_ Noodling guitarists and drummers who play constantly when your ear is next to the kit
should be shot immediately._

Drummers are told right up front to never play when I'm near the kit. I am rarely friends with the drummer when the project is through. Usually they're the stupidist fucking member of the band, and they rarely have good feel, which puts me in a bad fucking mood.
I'm working with a drummer now that's so stupid, I call him cotton. Sometimes I call him dumb ass. Not to his face, of course.
MM "can you play?"
DR "sure"
MM "stop!"
DR "what?"
MM "could you play the song we're about to start recording?"
DR "Oh, you want me to play ?
MM "please"
[drummer plays for 20 seconds then stops]
MM "keep playing please"
MM "Stop!"
DR "what?"
MM "could you play the song that we're about to record?"
DR "Oh, OK"
MM "Stop! Tom 3 sounds out. Can I hear tom 3?"
DR "I don't play the floor tom in this song."
MM "Well, so far you've played it about 5 times."
DR "I did?"
MM "yes"
DR "Are you sure?"
MM "yes"
Drummer plays tom 3
MM "You need to tune that drum,"
DR "which one?"
MM "Tom 3"
DR "right now?"
MM "no, later"
Drummer tunes the drum.
MM "I want to compress the overheads on this song. Let me hear you crash a few times so I can set the compression.:
DR "I don't hit the crash in this song."
MM "You've hit the crash every four bars of the chorus What do you mean you don't hit the crash?"
DR "I did?"
MM "could you play the song down from the top?"
DR "What part do you want me to play?"
MM "The whole song"
DR "From the top?"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
True story.
Mixerman
Published ~half a year after the events?
... 
 [Back] [ToC] [Next]​ *Mixerman Chronicles: The Movie*

Presented by Excess Freetime Productions
- Adapted from The Daily Adventures of Mixerman - A Documentary and inspired by this Prosound forum thread

"This shit's classic. I give two thumbs up. I never in my wildest dreams imagined Bill Murray playing me in a movie, and now I can't imagine him not." - Mixerman
http://myweb.tiscali.co.uk/brian.simpson/mixerman/


----------



## damigu (Mar 2, 2009)

Amazon.com: The Daily Adventures of Mixerman: Mixerman: Books

the book got a second printing and will be available again in a few weeks!!


----------



## Cyanide_Anima (Mar 8, 2009)

great book. we have it at our library at work. along with pretty much every book related to audio engineering. its a great book! i got tons of laughs out of it. even learned a little. im gunna get a copy for myself when its printed again.


----------



## Mixerman (Nov 24, 2015)

Hey Everyone,

Mixerman here. I just thought I'd come by to let you all know that I'm posting up a new diary called #Mixerman and the Billionheir Apparent.

Summary: An LA &#8234;#&#8206;Record&#8236; #Producer known as Mixerman accepts a lucrative offer from an Indian Billionaire to mentor his son to become a world famous Record &#8234;#&#8206;Producer&#8236;. This is their journey through the modern realities of the &#8234;#&#8206;Music&#8236;Biz. Enjoy the wide array of characters including, Kanish Kanish, Paneer Kanish, The Rev, GQ, MC Skanky O, Mukesh, Kaisa Paisa, Lakshmi, and The Empress as they all get into a race to acquire an eight Figure Distribution Deal from music moguls Willy Show and Marv Ellis. What on earth could possibly go wrong?

I'm posting it in this thread, since it's about my first book. Were I to post it anywhere else, it'd probably be considered spam. So, if you guys like the story, feel free to give it it's own thread. The story is going to get kinda crazy soon. 

Enjoy!

Mixerman


----------



## damigu (Nov 26, 2015)

Holy necro-thread, Batman!

What an awesome way to revive a thread, though. I'll be reading.


----------



## Promit (Nov 26, 2015)

Huh, Mixerman with a new book on SSO. Crazy.


----------

