# Anxiety - GAD, PD, PTSD, ERMAHGERD



## kazzie (Jan 8, 2013)

Hello,

Two years ago-ish I developed Panic Disorder which transformed into agoraphobia. Now those with Agoraphobia (or any mental illness) are unfortunately aware of the stigma surrounding the problem, and that agoraphobia doesn't necessarily mean that you don't leave the house. 

Tell your story.

After trying many therapies, I'm finally going to a Cognitive & Behavioural therapy clinic today, which is costing more than I'd like to but I know CBT is the shit for us anxious people.

Support thread. Love each other.


----------



## Webmaestro (Jan 8, 2013)

I've done cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), but for something different: severe insomnia that I've suffered with for YEARS. Idiot MD's all automatically assumed sleeping pills, anti-depressants, etc. were the solution. Finally, a few years ago, an enlightened doc suggested CBT and referred me to a behavioral therapist who specialized in anxiety and sleep disorders (among other things).

I won't detail my diagnosis (sleep anxiety disorder) or treatment, but suffice to say I have FINALLY found some relief and realized two things: 1) there is nothing _physically_ wrong with my brain and 2) I can beat this, or at least improve it significantly. It WAS expensive, and my insurance plan only covered a small portion, so I had to take money out of savings to pay for roughly 4 months of therapy... plus some voluntary "maintenance visits" for a couple months thereafter.

So, I'm a firm believer in the power of CBT, and feel it should be the FIRST thing that doctors recommend (for behavioral/psychological issues) rather than drugs. In the U.S., docs tend to immediately throw drugs at any medical or mental issue.

As humans, we are blessed with the most complex brains on the planet, but with that comes the curse of having some of the most complex, effed-up problems on the planet.

Good luck with your treatment. I think you'll find it very helpful!


----------



## kazzie (Jan 8, 2013)

Thank you! Leaving in an hour...

I think CBT should be suggested before anything else, too. I tried CBT with a hypno therapist before but it was not his forte. this place is a clinic dedicated to it so I am looking forward to it.

I was given Ativan and have been taking it for quite awhile now. I know it's just not right. I take it as an "if i feel extremely anxious or an attack coming" which is,...often.


----------



## MrMcSick (Jan 9, 2013)

I'm all too familiar with this topic, had it for 16 yrs now (31). I don't like talking about it online though. Hope you figure it out


----------



## Rook (Jan 17, 2013)

I can understand not wanting to talk about it, and I don't generally tell people but I'm bipolar which has its anxieties. My CBT is an absolute legend, full of practical advice, none of this 'tell me about your childhood' shit.

No experience of specific anxiety disorders or phobias, but I've had my fair share of paranoia and sleeping problems, I just love my CBT's analytical approach. Trust your guy and it'll pay off.


----------



## skeels (Jan 17, 2013)

Yay for support threads! 

Sometimes this is as close as I get to getting out of the house! 

Unfortunately I am unfamiliar with CBT. I am also unfamiliar with most other professionally prescribed methods. this is due to be only having recently acquired any kind of health insurance.

I've always had a certain suspicion of doctor prescribed medication to treat mental woes. 

I know some people need them. But like the maestro said, the brain is a very powerful tool. It can even readjust it's own chemistry. 

People don't give enough attention to their healing thoughts.


----------



## Rook (Jan 18, 2013)

I refused medication for similar reasons. I have to take better care of myself as a result, I do exercise to keep the good stuff flowing, I have to eat well, I can't drink - all good things. I'd rather live with the risk, take great care of myself and feel completely clear headed and in control. I have my ups and downs but they're less serious since I've been in therapy, I probably only have a couple of bad months a year now rather than constantly feeling odd.

I completely agree with your last few statements. My best friend is Bipolar too, we know eachother's patterns and we look out for each other. I see the world through different eyes I think, and have a particular sensitivity to others' actions, emotions and body language; as much as that can cause as many problems as I feel it helps (I don't always get it right, get a bit carried away sometimes haha) I couldn't imagine being a 'normal' person, who compared to me seems to float through life completely ignoring things they think and feel and how they work.

I understand myself, so no meds for now.


----------



## tacotiklah (Jan 21, 2013)

PTSD sufferer here. I hate the hyper-vigilance that comes with it. I'm always looking over my shoulder trying to ID threats and read people to see what their real intentions are. Makes life miserable for me because I spend too much of my life being more up-tight than I should.


----------



## theoctopus (Jan 21, 2013)

Though I had some serious battles with depression as a teen, I never really experienced much in the way of anxiety. Unfortunately, when I was 19, I did well over the LD50 of a certain substance, and it broke my brain. For about 4 years after that I had debilitating anxiety, which kept me from leaving the house or doing anything productive. It was a mess. I avoided medication, having had my fair share from my previous depression battles, and just repeatedly forced myself to face my anxiety triggers...not really a pleasant process. It's still not gone, now 7 years later, but I'm not really controlled by it anymore.


----------



## abandonist (Jan 25, 2013)

What substance?

After 20 years as a pharmaceutical/psychological lab rat I finally got a diagnosis I felt comfortable with. Autism.

In my teens I had Severe panic disorder and schizophrenia as a constellationary offshoot of the autism (not diagnosed autistic at the time). I don't wish that shit on anyone. Life has not been easy for me - but I wouldn't trade my weird brain for a normal one. I think in ways people can't understand, and I find it awesome.


----------



## Rook (Jan 25, 2013)

abandonist said:


> I think in ways people can't understand, and I find it awesome.



I totally, 100% get that.


----------



## Bevo (Feb 1, 2013)

I have a few anxiety issues that I had to overcome which were at the time unreal to go through. After speaking with someone we realized that the issues all started in my head and there was nothing wrong with me.

Mine was related to food and crowds, panic city to the point of feeling like a heart attack.

I kinda self cured myself by facing the fears and telling myself I was going to die (food) this actually comforted me because the worst thing I could imagine I was trying to do. After a while I started to realize deep down that I did not die. Using that, if I was in the same situation I just went back to it and said, last time never killed me so neither will this.

It was a battle and I am glad I am done with it even though it still happens out of the blue like last week in Alberta getting on a plane after eating a jam bagel and tasting meat, full on panic attack..I just laughed at myself and said get over it and I did.

At my worst I was down to 132lb being too scared to eat, now I am 163 and all good.

Stay strong guys and do what you can and stay off the drugs if at all possible. Keep a positive attitude and keep searching for the best working treatment, its out there, don't give up!


----------



## Mexi (Feb 1, 2013)

my brother was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety bout 8 months ago and is currently on a couple meds and doing CBT. his change has been astouding, and in reading some of the material he's been given, it really has forced me to address some of my own latent anxieties that I'd been unwilling to deal with for a number of years. I think that was a sort of catalyst for me taking stock of my life and coming to some hard truths that one needs to understand in order to make progress in one's life. What really helped was reading up on _cognitive distorition_s and how they affect how I saw the world, the people in my life and what I thought of myself

I started seeing a counselor on campus every couple weeks just to let out some of those emotions and ideas about myself and I think its helped me so far. I've got a good friend who suffers from extreme social anxiety but he's been doing better too and we're able to hang out and go catch a movie with other friends when before he'd have a really bad panic attack.

And I take issue with people who immediately assume drugs will just turn you into a zombie or dramatically change you. Everyone reacts wildy different between any number of medications so it's about finding the right kind/dosage that works for you. meds have helped my brother immeasurably to live his life better so I think that option should be looked at in _*conjuction*_ w/ stuff like CBT and other therapies.


----------



## abandonist (Feb 3, 2013)

I feel compelled to let you guys know that CBT was slang for Cock and Ball Torture (S&M action) before cognitive behavioral therapy. Be careful using it in mixed company...


----------



## Don Vito (Feb 3, 2013)

ghstofperdition said:


> PTSD sufferer here. I hate the hyper-vigilance that comes with it. I'm always looking over my shoulder trying to ID threats and read people to see what their real intentions are. Makes life miserable for me because I spend too much of my life being more up-tight than I should.


Same here. You worry about shit that's not even related to you out of fear of a another potential traumatic situation. What's worse is that you become sensitive to stuff that wouldn't bother you otherwise(unless you have lost standing PTSD of course). 

I'm doing better handling mine as of the past month, but it used to be like

1. wake up
2. GAH SO MUCH PTSD IT HURTS
3. go to sleep bitter that another day is upon you

I never thought in my life I would wish for death in my sleep... those days seem to be coming to an end fortunately, but I still worry sometimes

I worry that when I'm older I want be as vigilante to fight it.


----------



## tacotiklah (Feb 6, 2013)

Mine makes me really paranoid about other people. Like they say something that seems harmless, but in my mind I'm churning over and over the thought of "well what did they REALLY mean by that?" Then I find myself subconsciously keeping an eye on them like they're plotting some shit against me or something. Once I recognize that I'm doing that, I put a stop to the whole thing by telling myself to chill the fuck out. But it's an instinctual thing, so hence why I can't help but think that shit at first. 

I did find one particular good use for hyper-vigilance though. Driving. That shit has kept me from having any major accidents, even when I do dumb things when I'm distracted by other passengers. It makes me look both ways two or even three times before I pull out (giggity), and makes me look good when I try to take the driving test because I'm scanning for threats way more than your average driver. Sadly it also causes road rage and I randomly curse at dumb drivers. Makes being a passenger in my car both funny and a little unnerving.


----------



## SP1N3SPL1TT3R (Feb 6, 2013)

I found the best way of overcoming anxiety, is learning how to control your "fight or flight" response. The only way to do it, is by exposing yourself to you anxiety triggers. Relying on pills, with only bury your anxiety deeper and making panic attacks more severe.


----------



## morrowcosom (Feb 6, 2013)

^ 
I can say from my experience that anti-muscle spasm and anti-anxiety meds put my dick in the dirt for two years. Knowing what I know now, I would gladly have suffered chronic muscle/nerve pain without the medication induced fear and zombie-like state. 

The pills are a nightmare to get off of too. The whole time you are withdrawing the symptoms the pills were medicating explode in an intensity beyond what they were to start with. New problems come along as well. 

Let your feelings out and scream and beat the shit out of your bed with a tennis racket/exercise/expose yourself to your fears/scream, etc. instead.


----------



## abandonist (Feb 6, 2013)

Take meds if you need to. The 2 posts above are bad advice. If I had no meds I would undoubtedly kill myself.

I'm coming off of 8 years of klonopin use right now. Benzo detox is fucking horrible. That said, I wouldn't trade the comfort they gave me for anything.


----------



## kazzie (Feb 7, 2013)

I think everybody here has their valid, personal points and experiences.

The thing about anxiety disorders is that they are not the same for everyone. The importance of treatment should not be ignored - whether this includes medication or not. Medication can allow people to FUNCTION.

I've seen several therapists, I've tried homeopathic remedies, I've been on Ativan, etc.

I think the most successful combo *for me* is CBT and medication, until I no longer need one, then the other. Benzos enable you to function - they can also enable you to never take the right steps into overcoming a REVERSIBLE state. 

Let's get PAWSITIVE!


----------



## Bevo (Feb 8, 2013)

Having my teenage niece over the other day I was shocked to see she has been cutting herself, her arms look like she went through a cheese grater!

Does that fit in one of your categories?

Speaking with her mother I only got the basics but she is depressed and acting out her frustration and anger at herself.
I really feel helpless but this topic has given me more insight as to what is going on inside different people and maybe her.

Not sure how to deal with it but we are getting more involved with her and showing her a stable happy family that she is part of. I hope it does not backfire when she goes home to the same crap.

One thing that is causing her the depression is her weight, she hates being fat yet it depresses her and she eats. I think she thinks people laugh at her or make fun of her and she is right. She was over and we all went to the mall, she had these stupid booty type shorts on at 225lb at 4'9". We were walking behind them and my daughter is 5'2" 110 and people were stopping to stare at her and the comments were cruel, thank god she never heard them.

I told my daughter to talk to her and she did...


----------



## kazzie (Feb 8, 2013)

Bevo said:


> Having my teenage niece over the other day I was shocked to see she has been cutting herself, her arms look like she went through a cheese grater!
> 
> Does that fit in one of your categories?
> 
> ...



She should see a doctor. Self harm is common in people with borderline personality disorder but, also just common in teenagers in general. Should see doctor.


----------



## Bevo (Feb 10, 2013)

She is and has been going for a while I just found out, not sure if its working...


----------



## abandonist (Feb 10, 2013)

Honestly, I used to be a cutter. 9/10 times people grow out of it pretty quickly and the scars fade. 

I did attempt suicide while I was deep-in though, so your concern isn't misplaced.


----------



## metalmonster (Mar 5, 2013)

Would you please invite me in the party ? (PTSD here)


----------



## Dehumanized (Apr 13, 2013)

it's 2:29 night time here so I'm only reading your post and giving you my honest opinion.

3 years ago I had severe death anxiety, there were times when I was about to write goodbye letters to my family and friends, telling them how much I love them and so on. My throat was constricting, limbs were going numb and felt light-headed, like I had jumped out of the couch to fast and the blood pressure was doing it's thing. It's hard when you are so convinced that you are going to die and it's hard when the fight or flight response kicks in during almost every social encounter.

CBT will only give you the basics in my opinion. It teaches you to breathe properly, it teaches you that anxiety isn't anything dangerous and it teaches you not to run away when you feel anxious. That's the gist of what I learned and I appreciate the knowledge I got at that point but it is far from obsolete. I have trust issues with doctors and psychologists, some of them only seem to do what they do because they love the money or because they've simply forgotten why they became a doctor/shrink in the first place. 

Do not pay for a failed psychologist to tell you things you already know and don't go on anti-depressants, SSRI as they call it, without being really cautios; because I've been there too, recently. My nightmare however, is over. 

I don't believe in diseases or in disorders, it might sound weird saying it like that. What I mean is that you can control the levels of serotonin, dopamine etc. in your brain, you don't need medication, you could however, need a boost or a kick in the right direction; but long term medication isn't the answer. When you say something like this, when you leave the responsibility in the hands of the ones suffering from PTSD, Anxiety etc. What do you think they feel? They reject the idea. 

The idea that your disorder is created by yourself, is not easy to hear, especially for those who have suffered from disorders for several years. Why is that? It's because they've attached it to their identity, they've rid themselves of responsibility by saying "I am depressed, it is not my fault, I can't help myself". The longer you have belief, the harder it is to change it because there is so much at stake. The whole concept of the identity that you have made for yourself is under great threat and your ego won't let your past be a lie. You know what, I am living proof..

I've battled anxiety and I've battled depression. I quit my meds cold turkey and never looked back. That's my 2 cents. 
PS: I do not mean to be rude or anything.. I'm suggesting an alternative option.. I'm trying to tell you that you can find it within yourself to never feel like this again. Peace!


----------



## metalmonster (Apr 16, 2013)

> I refused medication for similar reasons. I have to take better care of myself as a result, I do exercise to keep the good stuff flowing, I have to eat well, I can't drink - all good things. I'd rather live with the risk, take great care of myself and feel completely clear headed and in control. I have my ups and downs but they're less serious since I've been in therapy, I probably only have a couple of bad months a year now rather than constantly feeling odd.


I so agree on that. Actually one of the keys is : don't drink too much . EVER . One bad , hungover day can easily ruin a lot of good work. Besides, drinking alters ones ability to think straight. Great to unwind for some, bad for us ... because something we don't need is our thought being blurred . 

Especially if you're anxious : you tend to think a lot of stuff, bad stuff. If you already can't tell the difference between true, actual problems and imaginary ones (which are reality-based, but imaginary. Like "what if ... " and other scenarios). 

This, and i have a friend which is clinically depressed and has bipolar/borderline personality disorders. He's on meds. He drinks. As a result, the kind, talented person he is gets sometimes pretty "blurry", i don't know how to put that in words. But memory problems, mental confusion and other stuff aren't too good to live with. 

He went to mental hospital, it's a serious case. Though he's recovering a lot those days ...

By luck, i also happen to have issues and i also happen to live since i'm a kid with bordeline people, so i know his patterns, so i just ... know how to function with him. 

I also believe we won't be as close as we are right now if he outgrows his problems, but that's totally fine, and i WANT that to happen. A good therapy for him was to get him a computer and videogames, play music with him (that's fine, the guy's an amazing musician and as musicians, we, at least, take a lot of dust off our respective instruments, and i want him to teach me clarinet. That'll do a lot of good for both of us : first , i'll get to play clarinet . Second : he gets to teach something and feel valuable. Third : I really think i'll feel good learning clarinet from scratch. Good for the brain ... ) and basically be there as a non-judgemental, understanding friend. 

I also get a lot from this relationship through music , like i said , but also as a human being. Especially since i teach guitar and so, i believe it's a good thing if i get to understand depression and personality disorders better. 

And since i have a few issues of my own ... i get to understand myself better, the mechanics of depression as i call that. 



> I don't believe in diseases or in disorders, it might sound weird saying it like that. What I mean is that you can control the levels of serotonin, dopamine etc. in your brain, you don't need medication, you could however, need a boost or a kick in the right direction; but long term medication isn't the answer. When you say something like this, when you leave the responsibility in the hands of the ones suffering from PTSD, Anxiety etc. What do you think they feel? They reject the idea.
> 
> The idea that your disorder is created by yourself, is not easy to hear, especially for those who have suffered from disorders for several years. Why is that? It's because they've attached it to their identity, they've rid themselves of responsibility by saying "I am depressed, it is not my fault, I can't help myself". The longer you have belief, the harder it is to change it because there is so much at stake. The whole concept of the identity that you have made for yourself is under great threat and your ego won't let your past be a lie. You know what, I am living proof..



That's actually true. I remember the days of being constantly depressed and often thinking about suicide. Nothing mattered. And i was sure taking care or not of myself won't change the way i feel. And I vigorously rejected the idea that i could change myself in a good way ... it started by taking good care of myself. Putting on some clean clothes. Trying to eat stuff that's good for me like fruits, veggies ... 
Actually helped a lot. 

And yeah, i've analyzed my patterns : I, all of a sudden, feel anxious. 
What is feeling anxious ? that pounding heart, cold sweats, "spiky" hands, light-head . And my mind being agressed by itself with negative, scary thoughts. 

So ... i was watching a movie, and at the end of the film, i felt that my body was "anxious" while my mind was on the movie. With great concentration, i could control my own thoughts and wrote down the way i felt right now, as a reference. 
I've just put another movie then, and while keeping the anxiety off my mind, it started to dissolve in my body ... 

Another experience was : Idrank coffee from a broken cup without realizing it. Discovered the bottom was cracked while the coffee was inside me. 
Boy. It bothered me all afternoon : what if there was some piece of glass inside me ? What if i get cut ? I don't have health insurance , i can die from that ... then at night , it started from thoughts like this (though i checked the cup, and it's fine, no piece of glass is missing) and it got to my usual "what-if" scenarios. 

And i suddenly realized i've heard those what-if before. And that i've made clear to myself that they were completely absurd. Though they felt true at the time i was repeating them in my mind, carving a pattern inside me, pretty much a pavlovian reflex : at night, when i go to sleep, i feel anxious. 
And so i realized that IF i can control what i think , i can control at least part of the process . My body will soon realize it's of no use to waste all this effort into adrenaline ... 

... so my therapy is watching movies, reading, and doing "slow" stuff in my bed until i fall asleep. Not the best, but heck. I was a complete trainwreck a month ago compared to who i am now. 

And i'm glad to tell you that : if i was not that anxious in the first place, my life would be a lot more easier. I mean, like having more money and nicer stuff, and even a girlfriend (i'm coming slowly to that part, but i can already feel like i'm there). And it will be good. And that nothing can be taken away from me, that even though i have nice stuff, i deserve this stuff, i've earned it, and so it's mine and i won't be punished. I hope i'll get a nice realization like this in the sentimental domain (which started it all in the first place with a not-based-on-reality situation that was super-scary) , get over my problems and start getting a better life. 

The process have actually started months ago, and i'm starting to having trouble hearing my anxiety over the sound of my life improving. This realization is not a life-changing one, like "oh, i i wasn't that anxious my life will be better ... well, DAaaaH ! of course !" it's just a symptom of my life becoming awesome, a little at a time, and that if i had to rate my life on a scale of ten, zero being the worst imaginable and ten being basically heaven, i went from 3 (basic survival) , to over 5 and i'm now close to the 6 where i start feeling actually happy 




ps : all that being my experience. And i'm in a good mood today (which used to be super-rare, like once-in-the-whole-year rare)


----------



## ghostred7 (Oct 17, 2013)

Here's my deal that started a cpl days ago...

Mother-in-law is temporarily staying with us. She brought her young(ish) 1.5-2.5 y/o mixed female. We have a 10ish y/o female Cardigan Corgi. 

Something happened one of the dogs didn't like and they got into a fight. Not the type of fight I'm used to seeing on TV (watch Dog Whisperer a lot). This one couldn't be broken up by conventional means (water, citronella, pulling by legs to separate, etc). My wife (dumb-ass moment) decided to try & physically pull them apart via face....well...she ended up going to the ER with BOTH hands all f'd up. I managed to break them up by grabbing my riot gloves, pinning both dogs down, placing my knee on one and literally choking the dog until she let go of mine.

**at this point, I'm rattled, but nothing that i feel is long-term**

Here's where it really goes to shit....

Get back from the ER, can't even pull into the driveway completely due to my hearing the mother-in-law SCREAMING at the top of her lungs: "Help! Help! Oh God, Help!" over & over. Her f'ing dog attacked ours again. Separated them again to puddles of blood everywhere. Our Corgi lost ~1 cup worth of blood. Off we go BACK to the emergency vet (fight 1 - just to get her checked out, etc). She ended up with staples in her this time.

Here's where I am mentally: Until this I've always been what has been deemed a "dog person" that wasn't even scared of the "bad breeds (no such thing)" like Rottweilers, Pits, etc (all the ones I've met loved people and were big babies...blame the owners (mother-in-law), not the breeds).

Our dog was sniffing my leg...I *immediately* went into full-on panic attack (based on what I know it as). She looks at me and I get scared...this is our dog I'm talking about. I've been sleeping like ass, freaked out to be around any animal larger than our Miniature-Dachshund, and having random Cujo-esque flashes in my mind of our dog attacking one of my teenage boys (they, thankfully, have no idea all this went down since they live w/ their mom). I will say that our dog has NEVER shown even the slightest aggression towards people outside of a little barking and growling through a window at the random stranger jogging through our neighborhood.

I don't think I have PTSD, but I really do think I've developed a slight (even if temporary) Cynophobia and anxiety from it. She (our Corgi) went to lick me and I almost started balling and hyperventilating. It was a seriously full-on anxiety attack.

Shit...I've seen combat w/ the Army. Didn't have ANY remnants from that...but this has me completely off kilter. Having to wash/wrap wounds on the wife is bad enough but as she can't do it...I'm responsible for having to hot-pack/clean the Corgi, which is incredibly hard to do when you're uncontrollably shaken.

ps: glad someone made this thread....I needed to vent this and didn't know where to put it
pss: what's making this worse for me is that our Corgi, ANYTIME I walk by her, immediately rolls over onto her side for belly rubs. she loves me, i know this. but i'm terrified of doing so. i'm forcing myself through it b/c i can at least recognize aggression towards people (wasn't in the room when the fight started) and not seeing that. I don't know if it's productive or counter-productive to force myself through the new phobia/anxiety. New situation for me.


----------



## necronile (Oct 24, 2013)

Holy shit....
Sometimes I feel anxiety myself in open places(especially big and crowded places, mostly outdoors but I dont have a problem leaving home)
Never thought this has a name...


----------



## oracles (Oct 25, 2013)

It's comforting to know I'm not the only one on the forums to have had my battles with anxiety and depression. My diagnosis is five part though, in that I also battle with Depersonalization, Derealization, and Cotards Delusions. Has anyone else ever been afflicted by the former three? I've managed to find only a very small group of people with dp/dr, but never anyone else with Cotards.


----------



## ice_age_magic (Dec 23, 2013)

One day I randomly started getting panic attacks ( early October 2013 ) that happened multiple times throughout the day and lasted hours at a time. It got so intense I couldn't get my work done, and had trouble doing things like eating(I would start feeling short of breath). What was even odder was I couldn't find an onset as to why this started - I'm a pretty laid back person and have little if any stress in my life. I then started to think it was something physically wrong with me (though I had doubts because I was still able to exercise without problems). Went to the ER one night because it was so intense - keep in mind I had only been to the hospital twice before, when I was born, and when I broke my ankle - and after many tests and such heart issues were rules out and they said it must be stress and gave me the typical US medical answer of "take this pill". I took the meds that were given to me and nothing changed, if anything things got worse. At this point it's early November, a month later. I request vacation from work for a week and a half, go to Maui, HI. Spend a week adventuring through windswept jungle and snorkeling - I've felt normal ever since. I still don't know what it was, and if it was stress induced I would think that it would have manifested itself lately since work is the busiest it's been all year, yet I feel fine.


----------



## ice_age_magic (Dec 23, 2013)

ghostred7 said:


> Here's my deal that started a cpl days ago...
> 
> Mother-in-law is temporarily staying with us. She brought her young(ish) 1.5-2.5 y/o mixed female. We have a 10ish y/o female Cardigan Corgi.
> 
> ...



I also used to consider myself a dog lover and overall lover if animals in general. A couple years ago I was at my sister house for a week who owns a few pitbulls. Randomly one day I was walking out of the kitchen towards the sofa when I suddenly feel this intense pain in the back of my thigh and my leg goes limp. As I start to turn around I see that the horrific pain on my leg is her full grown pittbull lockjawed on the back of my thigh and thrashing back and forth. No one else was in the house(my sister was in the garage) and the only thing I could do was yell for help as I tried to get the dominant position over the dog so if it let go it couldn't bite me again. I was scared that it would go for my neck at this point if I didn't do something. The dog then heard the door from the garage slam against the wall - my sister had finally heard and rushed in. As soon as that dog heard the door slam open it let go and ran under a table. After everything had calmed down my sister had told me that the dog was a rescue and had been abused. The reason he attacked my was because I had my back turned and he must have felt threatened is what I was told. Now whenever I walk by someone on the street with a large dog, especially pittbull, I get stressed - I guess this would be a form of PTSD? Basically this traumatic event has totally changed my views on the already controversial breed. I've been around a lot of animals with troubled pasts before, but never anything close to this.


----------



## Uncreative123 (Dec 24, 2013)

I need serious help with the situation I currently find myself in. I've had this page bookmarked since October and have been meaning to ask for advice but never got around to it until now....when it seems to be too late. 

My girlfriend/fiance'/possibly now ex has been diagnosed with BPD for some time now. She's struggled with all sorts of other shit including anorexia/bulimia, depression, etc. It's been a nightmare to deal with at times and always left insecure thoughts in my head and made me have trust issues with her. She takes klonopin (clonazapam) for anxiety, seroquil (I think for depression?), and something else I can't remember, as well as smokes weed for anxiety. Anytime she goes off her meds its a nightmare. She can become completely inconsolable and lashes out with blind rage and emotion. She'll make rash decisions and put herself in dangerous situations as well as inflict harm on herself and others. I've never really dealt with anything like it and my friends constantly tell me to leave her and it's not my problem etc....but I absolutely love her to death. ...and now she's pregnant. We found out about two weeks ago. Because of that she's had to stop taking her meds and stop smoking. So I knew a storm was on the horizon, but things were going well for awhile until Saturday. It became explosive and I was very close to calling the cops after she had attacked me, was destroying our home, and pulled a gun on me/herself, but her aunt begged me not to. Her aunt was able to talk to her over the phone and calm her down. But prior to that I had to restrain her from hurting me, herself, or the unborn child. There's a lot more to that story, but I'll leave it at that for now. 
She didn't tell me until tonight that when she acts like a child like that, that I need to deal with her like I would a child. I don't think of her as a child and therefore don't treat her like one, but apparently after nearly a year I should have figured out how to deal with her. I know how to deal with her in different situations, but this was one of those times where it seemed like nothing would work. She told me sometimes I just need to apologize and tell her I'm sorry even if I'm not or if I didn't do anything. Basically just to agree with her. And of course the whole situation was my fault, as everything gets turned around on me and she will never take blame or be at fault or take accountability for any of her actions. I can deal with *some* of that, but she ended up having her mom pick her up in the middle of the night Saturday when I was at work and just bounced without saying anything. Her mom only makes things worse. The rest of her family I have a great relationship with, but her mom hates me and will agree with everything she says and do anything to get her to leave. 
She is ....ing PREGNANT and now jobless and is saying it's over and talking about moving her stuff out and having an abortion (she's about 6 weeks along). She is shutting down emotionally and turning off all her thoughts and emotions and suppressing them. She does this in order to cope with leaving. She talks about wanting some time to herself and to think about things, but she doesn't do that. She uses the time to just start completely shutting down everything she feels inside. I am here alone and she is surrounded by family to keep her busy and feeling loved. I am at a complete loss for what to do at this point. Anytime I try to talk to her now she ends up getting upset with me no matter what I say and will hang up abruptly or end the conversation. I just don't know what to do or how to deal with someone like this.
I can't tell if she remembers things incorrectly and there is a problem with her memory or if she just deliberately lies about things. I've caught her lying about many things, most of which she had absolutely no reason to lie about. So now when she is reflecting on all the bad times, she remembers them being far worse and completely different than they really were. What am I suppose to do?


----------



## TylerEstes (Feb 4, 2014)

Uncreative123 said:


> I need serious help with the situation I currently find myself in. I've had this page bookmarked since October and have been meaning to ask for advice but never got around to it until now....when it seems to be too late.
> 
> My girlfriend/fiance'/possibly now ex has been diagnosed with BPD for some time now. She's struggled with all sorts of other shit including anorexia/bulimia, depression, etc. It's been a nightmare to deal with at times and always left insecure thoughts in my head and made me have trust issues with her. She takes klonopin (clonazapam) for anxiety, seroquil (I think for depression?), and something else I can't remember, as well as smokes weed for anxiety. Anytime she goes off her meds its a nightmare. She can become completely inconsolable and lashes out with blind rage and emotion. She'll make rash decisions and put herself in dangerous situations as well as inflict harm on herself and others. I've never really dealt with anything like it and my friends constantly tell me to leave her and it's not my problem etc....but I absolutely love her to death. ...and now she's pregnant. We found out about two weeks ago. Because of that she's had to stop taking her meds and stop smoking. So I knew a storm was on the horizon, but things were going well for awhile until Saturday. It became explosive and I was very close to calling the cops after she had attacked me, was destroying our home, and pulled a gun on me/herself, but her aunt begged me not to. Her aunt was able to talk to her over the phone and calm her down. But prior to that I had to restrain her from hurting me, herself, or the unborn child. There's a lot more to that story, but I'll leave it at that for now.
> She didn't tell me until tonight that when she acts like a child like that, that I need to deal with her like I would a child. I don't think of her as a child and therefore don't treat her like one, but apparently after nearly a year I should have figured out how to deal with her. I know how to deal with her in different situations, but this was one of those times where it seemed like nothing would work. She told me sometimes I just need to apologize and tell her I'm sorry even if I'm not or if I didn't do anything. Basically just to agree with her. And of course the whole situation was my fault, as everything gets turned around on me and she will never take blame or be at fault or take accountability for any of her actions. I can deal with *some* of that, but she ended up having her mom pick her up in the middle of the night Saturday when I was at work and just bounced without saying anything. Her mom only makes things worse. The rest of her family I have a great relationship with, but her mom hates me and will agree with everything she says and do anything to get her to leave.
> ...



I've had borderline personality disorder since I was about 9 but was only diagnosed 3 weeks ago. I guess I can sort of relate to her. Something that seems like a really small thing and/or something you don't even notice is a really big deal to her. Like, a REALLY big deal. I remember when an ex-coworker cut in front of me in line, I almost slapped the living shit out of her. I was really pissed, and it was pretty much the only thing I could think about for the rest of the day. She probably meant it as a joke and she was trying to be friends with me prior to that, but I still saw it as crazy disrespectful. Then the next day, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Kept getting mad about it. Stopped thinking about it for a few days, then got mad about it weeks later. First thing, get rid of your gun. People with BPD are basically incapable of controlling their impulses, even though they know how they're acting most of the time. Sorry to say this, but you're lucky to be alive. If she turned the gun on you, you probably did something or more than one something wrong in her eyes. I know I have a hard time not popping my step dad. Ask her about what you did wrong, even if you feel like you didn't do anything. I guess the only way to work on it is to watch every tiny thing you do and think about how it would effect her. Stress makes it a lot worse. I remember before I lost my job (actually I walked out due to my BPD even though I knew exactly how important my job was. More on that later, not trying to thread-jack) even though it was the biggest and most important thing in my life. I just got out of my chair, walked to the front office, dropped my key card and work ID on the floor and didn't look at anyone and didn't say anything. Maybe she wants you to go after her or something? Or maybe she really did want to end your relationship right then but she's probably reconsidering because it was just an impulse, and the impulse went away because she acted on it. I don't know her or the situation. She could want to go back but doesn't know how. I know I wish I could get my job back, even though I'm afraid to try because I'm afraid they'd reject me. I walked out in November and they already sent me the letter saying that they acknowledge that I quit and that they're keeping my retirement fund for themselves. Talk to her, ask her what's up, ask if you could help with anything. I'm not really sure what else to say.

When somebody with BPD feels like somebody "wronged" them, they can't just drop it and move on, no matter how hard they try. They know exactly how childish that is but it doesn't help. They just keep mulling it over and they usually come to the conclusion that somebody had malicious intent when it wasn't there. Forgot to feed the cat? YOU WANT THE CAT TO STARVE, DON'T YOU?! Invite some friends over while she's trying to sleep and you're being a little louder than you mean to? GET YOURSELF SOME IQ POINTS AND LEARN HOW TO CONTROL THE VOLUME OF YOUR VOICE! SHIT! Yeah, if you wanna keep her, you have to think over every little thing. It sucks. I wouldn't be friends with somebody else with BPD, and I completely understand why all my friends left me. 
A good example is me at work. I used to sew fiberglass air filters at a factory using sewing machines, and sometimes I'd make a mistake and quality assurance would send it back and respectfully show me where I messed up and ask me to fix it. "Hey, no big deal, I'll fix that for you guys." But then my repair didn't quite fix it all the way. Sometimes my thread would break 5 or 6 times during the repair so I'd have to take the filter off the machine, thread the needle, and try again. Getting pretty annoyed, but no big deal. Then it happens again and I have to try really hard not to just stab the air filter with my scissors and throw it on the floor. All while trying to figure out WHY THE .... WON'T SOUNDCLOUD JUST ....ING WORK I JUST WANT TO LISTEN TO THIS ....ING SONG!!! 
Also, right now. I'm trying not to yell at (among other things, but I don't wanna seem crazy ) my stepdad for being too stupid to control the volume of his voice, but in my defense, I'm 100% convinced that he's a worthless mongoloid and deserves to be put out of everyone's misery. I really can't comprehend how anybody can be as stupid as he is, but I digress.  

I dunno man, it's a tough judgement call. Do you want to be around somebody like her? Do you think she should be in charge of your kid? I don't want her doing something she'd regret, as it wouldn't just affect her. So I guess...try and see what happens.


----------



## Hollowway (Feb 4, 2014)

So can someone give me an example of CBT (not the kind abandonist was talking about, though ). I'm not sure I understand what you guys are talking about, because I thought it would be like desensitization, etc., and not much talking. So what are you guys doing? I could totally stand to reduce my panicky anxiety (as I think most Americans could).


----------



## Taylor (Feb 4, 2014)

I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. I struggle severely with face to face social interaction (also have severe fear of interacting with people I don't know), have no self-esteem/self-worth whatsoever, suffer from extreme self-loathing, and can't see anything good in myself or anything I do.

Things.... aren't fun.......


----------



## kazzie (Feb 27, 2014)

Hollowway said:


> So can someone give me an example of CBT (not the kind abandonist was talking about, though ). I'm not sure I understand what you guys are talking about, because I thought it would be like desensitization, etc., and not much talking. So what are you guys doing? I could totally stand to reduce my panicky anxiety (as I think most Americans could).



I don't know how long ago you posted this, but I'll necro this thing up and answer!
Of course, you're better off getting a real answer from a real pro.

Think of CBT kind of like education. CBT serves to teach you to understand, REALLY understand your thoughts. It's not for everyone, and you can't be resistant. For people who don't like to study, it may not be such a good idea, but, I found it was extremely enlightening to understand exactly what my brain was doing to me, and what *I* was doing to my brain. 

It teaches you to reprogram your thought patterns that give you negative experiences. By having a "logical" calculations about your thoughts, you end up with a logical solution. Kind like,
"I'm going to die."
Nope, I'm actually not going to die.

Okay, so I totally simplified it. But i'm just going over it lightly.

You'll love it


----------

