# Jehovah's Witnesses funny story!



## Mattmc74 (Jun 10, 2009)

So I was just outside going to check the chemicals in my swimming pool when two Jehovah's Witnesses came to me and asked If I wanted to talk to them about their religion.Both of these women were VERY HOT! Believe it or not they were! So being the smartass that I am I ask - In your religion are you forgivin for your sins? They both said yes. Then I asked them if they ever sinned themselves and were forgivin and they both said yes ,they were and seemed very pround of it. So now comes the funny part - 
I asked if they would like to come into my house and have a 3-way with me!!! They got really pissed looks on their faces but did not leave. Then one of them said - Sir I'm a marriend woman! I told her I was married as well and she said you would do a thing like that behind your wifes back and sin against god! I told her I was not trying to hide it from her. Isaid she was in the house and she would masturbate while she watched us have sex!!!
All they could say was - Good day sir and we will pray for you! 

When I went back into the house my wife heard thru the window and was laughing her ass off!


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## hufschmid (Jun 10, 2009)

Was it twins by any chance?


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## Mattmc74 (Jun 10, 2009)

No they were not twins but that would have been even better!

I'm so going to hell for this!


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## Thin_Ice_77 (Jun 10, 2009)

Well it got rid of them, I'll give you that


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## Scar Symmetry (Jun 10, 2009)

a Jehovah's witness came to my door the other day and she was smokin' hot too!

I wasn't as clever as you though


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## hufschmid (Jun 10, 2009)

Mattmc74 said:


> No they were not twins but that would have been even better!
> 
> I'm so going to hell for this!





Now thats a good reason to go to hell! + in hell you have a lots of money also


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## Thin_Ice_77 (Jun 10, 2009)

Scar Symmetry said:


> a Jehovah's witness came to my door the other day and she was smokin' hot too!


Dammit! They come to my door about once a week and they're always ugly, fat or men. Sometimes all three.


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## Mattmc74 (Jun 10, 2009)

Thin_Ice_77 said:


> Dammit! They come to my door about once a week and they're always ugly, fat or men. Sometimes all three.



 That sucks! I almost feel bad when they are hot and I mess with them.



OK no I don't!


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## bloodline (Jun 10, 2009)

That sounds like something you would do!


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## hufschmid (Jun 10, 2009)

Mattmc74 said:


> That sucks! I almost feel bad when they are hot and I mess with them.
> 
> 
> 
> OK no I don't!



If they want to convert us, they must show us some good will and make some sacrifices, especially if they are cute IMO


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## Scar Symmetry (Jun 10, 2009)

I'd gladly convert to a Jehovah's Witness if it meant I got some grade-A poontang out of it


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## hufschmid (Jun 10, 2009)

Scar Symmetry said:


> I'd gladly convert to a Jehovah's Witness if it meant I got some grade-A poontang out of it


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## JJ Rodriguez (Jun 10, 2009)

Fucking win


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## Rick (Jun 10, 2009)




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## gunshow86de (Jun 10, 2009)

hufschmid said:


> Was it twins by any chance?



AAAANNNDD TWWWIINNNNZZZZS!!1


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## distressed_romeo (Jun 10, 2009)

Dude, you fucking rule!


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## hufschmid (Jun 10, 2009)

Nice


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## arktan (Jun 10, 2009)

Mattmc74 said:


> two Jehovah's Witnesses.....Both of these women were VERY HOT!



What a waste of DNA


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## Petef2007 (Jun 10, 2009)

When i was around 15 and in my "fuck everyone, im a metalhead" phase of life, i answered the door to a jehovah's witness in a "south of heaven" slayer shirt. That was fun. Nice enough bloke, just a shame he was wasting his time with me.


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## Mattmc74 (Jun 10, 2009)

distressed_romeo said:


> Dude, you fucking rule!



 Thanks you sir!


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## DaveCarter (Jun 10, 2009)

Perfect response!! 

My old guitar teacher was a hardcore atheist, and actually used to invite JWs in to his house; they could say whatever they wanted to him for as long as they liked, provided he was able to speak to them uninterrupted for half an hour afterwards. I forget quite how many he actually made walk out, cry, break down etc. with his blinding logic, but it was definitely a majority!


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## hufschmid (Jun 10, 2009)

SplinteredDave said:


> Perfect response!!
> 
> My old guitar teacher was a hardcore atheist, and actually used to invite JWs in to his house; they could say whatever they wanted to him for as long as they liked, provided he was able to speak to them uninterrupted for half an hour afterwards. I forget quite how many he actually made walk out, cry, break down etc. with his blinding logic, but it was definitely a majority!



 That sounds like a visit to Hufschmid's house 

possible NSFW lmao http://jaysolomon.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/jehovas-witness-knockers.jpg


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## vortex_infinium (Jun 10, 2009)

Aw. Over here in Canada it's only men that go around doing that. It's like freaking Attack of the Clones.


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## G0DLESSENDEAVOR (Jun 10, 2009)

SplinteredDave said:


> Perfect response!!
> 
> My old guitar teacher was a hardcore atheist, and actually used to invite JWs in to his house; they could say whatever they wanted to him for as long as they liked, provided he was able to speak to them uninterrupted for half an hour afterwards. I forget quite how many he actually made walk out, cry, break down etc. with his blinding logic, but it was definitely a majority!


 
That sucks, people get by with religion and eventually grow out of it. Did he read Richard Dawkins' The God Dellusion? Actually making them cry or break down is stressing. 

Last time I aswered the door I acted like I never heard of religion. It looked like an old womam with her daughter. I was asked if I ever read the bible and the best thing I could say was, "No thank you, I'm already a buddhist." Next time, if there hot, I will think about what you asked and see if I get lucky!


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## DaveCarter (Jun 10, 2009)

hufschmid said:


> That sounds like a visit to Hufschmid's house
> 
> possible NSFW lmao http://jaysolomon.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/jehovas-witness-knockers.jpg


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## leandroab (Jun 10, 2009)

AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA


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## ShadyDavey (Jun 10, 2009)

Matt, I take my hat off to you - that was epic.


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## sami (Jun 10, 2009)

Mattmc74 said:


> So I was just outside going to check the chemicals in my swimming pool when two Jehovah's Witnesses came to me and asked If I wanted to talk to them about their religion.Both of these women were VERY HOT! Believe it or not they were! So being the smartass that I am I ask - In your religion are you forgivin for your sins? They both said yes. Then I asked them if they ever sinned themselves and were forgivin and they both said yes ,they were and seemed very pround of it. So now comes the funny part -
> I asked if they would like to come into my house and have a 3-way with me!!! They got really pissed looks on their faces but did not leave. Then one of them said - Sir I'm a marriend woman! I told her I was married as well and she said you would do a thing like that behind your wifes back and sin against god! I told her I was not trying to hide it from her. Isaid she was in the house and she would masturbate while she watched us have sex!!!
> All they could say was - Good day sir and we will pray for you!
> 
> When I went back into the house my wife heard thru the window and was laughing her ass off!



THIS IS PURE EPICNESS!!!!


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## CapenCyber (Jun 10, 2009)

I feel deprived now that I don't get any JWs coming round, especially hot female ones...


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## Mattmc74 (Jun 10, 2009)

ShadyDavey said:


> Matt, I take my hat off to you - that was epic.



 Thanks you sir!


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## Leon (Jun 10, 2009)

Matt is King


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## Mattmc74 (Jun 11, 2009)

Leon said:


> Matt is King



Thanks Leon!


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## Karl Hungus (Jun 11, 2009)

Good lord, that's brilliant.

I once punched a Jehovah's witness in the stomach. Guy put his foot in the door and wouldn't remove it, I counted to 3 and pulled the door open then punched him. I was very pissed off that he wouldn't move his foot, and kinda concerned... I know it's probably quite mean to punch someone like that, but fucking hell, you don't try and shove your way into someone's house when they answer the door like that.


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## poopyalligator (Jun 11, 2009)

That is awesome man. Epic win on your part. I dont have the guts to do that, I would probably end up getting a sexual harassment lawsuit lol. Whenever they come to my house I open the door and tell them to hold on for a moment. I look at my watch and see how long they wait before they leave. The longest was about 8 and a half minutes.


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## Scar Symmetry (Jun 11, 2009)

Matt is the guy we all wish we had the balls to be


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## hairychris (Jun 11, 2009)

The JWs apparently keep going round my mum's neighbourhood.

I wasn't allowed to talk to them the last time I was there.

This lot are usually either old women or mums with young kids... Hm.


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## TimSE (Jun 11, 2009)

Mattmc74 said:


> I'm so going to hell for this!



A worthwhile sacrifice  for the lolz


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## DavyH (Jun 11, 2009)

Well done.

I met a Jehovah's Witness with Tourettes...... he stuck his foot in the door and then told me to fuck off.


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## Koshchei (Jun 11, 2009)

hufschmid said:


> If they want to convert us, they must show us some good will and make some sacrifices, especially if they are cute IMO



Absolutely. Why convert if they can't provide even a little evidence that the grass is greener on their side?

Here's a funny one:

My neighbor across the street had them come to her house while her grand-daughter was there. As the JWs (with JW-spawn in tow) were coming up her walkway, within earshot, she told her grand-daughter that they were bad monstrous people because they'd let their own children die rather than give them a blood transfusion that could save their lives. The JWs turned around and high-tailed it before they even made it to her door.


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## Mattmc74 (Jun 12, 2009)

Karl Hungus said:


> Good lord, that's brilliant.
> 
> I once punched a Jehovah's witness in the stomach. Guy put his foot in the door and wouldn't remove it, I counted to 3 and pulled the door open then punched him. I was very pissed off that he wouldn't move his foot, and kinda concerned... I know it's probably quite mean to punch someone like that, but fucking hell, you don't try and shove your way into someone's house when they answer the door like that.



 Thats awesome ! He did not have a right to do that to you in your home so you did just what I would have!


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## leftyguitarjoe (Jun 12, 2009)

The singer of my band lived with his Jehovah's Witness aunt and uncle after his mother killed herself.

It didnt help that he was (and still is a bit today) a paranoid schizophrenic.

He was forced to go to bible study and church almost every day, all the while having strange visions he called "the banana channel"

I'm not kidding in any way.

So yeah. Thats what Jehovah's Witness makes me think about hahaha.


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## Mattmc74 (Jun 12, 2009)

Man thats messed up.


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## IDLE (Jun 12, 2009)

Haha! I have to commend you, you sir have balls.

If it was me and two hot women came to my door I would probably be preaching the word of Jehovah or whatever they do.

They always send guys my way...


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## EliNoPants (Jun 12, 2009)

i was raised as a Jehovah's Witness until i was 8, then my parents got divorced, my dad stayed with it and got even crazier about it, and my mom let me do whatever i wanted...turns out loud music was my religion

funniest story i've got about that stuff though, is that in the first house i lived in with roommates, my dad was coming by to say hi and go get lunch with me or something, he was dressed up and out preaching, stopping at my place in the process, there was a fairly large window on the front door, and my roommate was sitting on the couch, while i was upstairs still getting dressed...my dad sat there knocking on the door for like 10 minutes before i got downstairs, with my roommate just sitting there, looking at the window every now and then shaking his head and mouthing "no way"...i was so proud of him


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## Konfyouzd (Jun 12, 2009)

nice 

there was a jehova's witness lady that lived across the street when i was in middle school and part of the way through highschool. she used to call use devil children all the time (not really sure why) and she would bum rush my parents with pamphlets every day when they came home from work. maybe if she was cute my dad coulda hit on her and made her uncomfortable so she'd leave us alone too.


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## EliNoPants (Jun 12, 2009)

who says a chick has to be cute to hit on her? especially if you're just trying to make someone uncomfortable, because making people uncomfortable is my bread and butter, and if i was only able to do that to attractive ladies, i'd be kinda SOL on ever wanting to have sex with anyone who wasn't fugly


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## Konfyouzd (Jun 12, 2009)

touche. not sure what i was thinking.


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## EliNoPants (Jun 12, 2009)

well that's what i'm here for, thinking with my unusually smart dick


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## estabon37 (Jun 12, 2009)

I once spent three hours talking to a couple mormons coz it was a Sunday afternoon, I was hung over and I had nothing better to do. I actually talked them into giving me their bible. They even signed it for me! I don't know if that's standard practice for their bunch or not, but I've still got the thing.


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## Tiger (Jun 12, 2009)

The original post and a lot of these stories sound like Chris Farley in Billy Madison, trying to tell Billy that he tagged Veronica. 

'No, you didnt.'


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## Kronpox (Jun 12, 2009)

One time two Witnesses approached my buddy and I while we were on the street asking if we were going to church the next day, we said we'd be way too hungover, they blathered on and my buddy amused them and they turn to me and say, 'what about you, can you embrace our faith?' and I say, 'Naw, I prefer straight-up blasphemy' 'What do you mean?' 'I mean I'm probably going to go home later and pledge allegiance to Lucifer while listening to Judas Priest and masturbating furiously' '...Okay you guys have a good night!' 

Another time I just about made this kid cry, he started into his speech so I give him a speech of my own asking if he really thinks he's making a difference and if that he's genuinely being a positive impact on society. I told him something like if he wants to make changes in this world he has to put down the book and pick up the sniper rifle and show everyone what happens when you lack faith. He stared at me for about four seconds then walked off

good times


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## Bungle (Jun 12, 2009)

Kronpox said:


> pick up the sniper rifle and show everyone what happens when you lack faith. He stared at me for about four seconds then walked off
> 
> good times


BAHAHAHAHAH!! I'd probably just offer them cookies... Long story, but (in Australia, I'm pretty sure) some Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses or something sued some guy because they went into his house and he gave them some cookies laced with weed. So now they won't go into your house anymore.


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## Konfyouzd (Jun 12, 2009)

EliNoPants said:


> well that's what i'm here for, thinking with my unusually smart dick







Kronpox said:


> One time two Witnesses approached my buddy and I while we were on the street asking if we were going to church the next day, we said we'd be way too hungover, they blathered on and my buddy amused them and they turn to me and say, 'what about you, can you embrace our faith?' and I say, 'Naw, I prefer straight-up blasphemy' 'What do you mean?' 'I mean I'm probably going to go home later and pledge allegiance to Lucifer while listening to Judas Priest and masturbating furiously' '...Okay you guys have a good night!'
> 
> Another time I just about made this kid cry, he started into his speech so I give him a speech of my own asking if he really thinks he's making a difference and if that he's genuinely being a positive impact on society. I told him something like if he wants to make changes in this world he has to put down the book and pick up the sniper rifle and show everyone what happens when you lack faith. He stared at me for about four seconds then walked off
> 
> good times



quality. i have friends that have given these "missionaries" speeches like that. i can't recall anything specific. i just never have the balls to be that straight up with them. i usually take whatever literature they have, make up an excuse to leave and throw it away once i'm out of sight.


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## El Caco (Jun 13, 2009)

Holy shit Matt  however I can't help but wonder, what if they said yes?

There were these two Mormon girls on a mission that would go over my in-laws place regularly, one of them was good looking and I joked to my wife that I would corrupt her. Then one day while shopping I saw them not wearing their Mormon outfits (they must wear them at all times) shopping for condoms


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## Konfyouzd (Jun 13, 2009)

^


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## leandroab (Jun 13, 2009)

s7eve said:


> Holy shit Matt  however I can't help but wonder, what if they said yes?
> 
> There were these two Mormon girls on a mission that would go over my in-laws place regularly, one of them was good looking and I joked to my wife that I would corrupt her. Then one day while shopping I saw them not wearing their Mormon outfits (they must wear them at all times) shopping for condoms




"Hey sweetheart, I think it's 'corruption' time!!"


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## G0DLESSENDEAVOR (Jun 13, 2009)

^Let's just do it one more time. As discreetly as possible.


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## Mattmc74 (Jun 13, 2009)

s7eve said:


> Holy shit Matt  however I can't help but wonder, what if they said yes?
> 
> There were these two Mormon girls on a mission that would go over my in-laws place regularly, one of them was good looking and I joked to my wife that I would corrupt her. Then one day while shopping I saw them not wearing their Mormon outfits (they must wear them at all times) shopping for condoms



I could only hoped they said yes! I guess I would have to tell them to come back later after the kids went to bed!


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## Mattmc74 (Jun 13, 2009)

Kronpox said:


> One time two Witnesses approached my buddy and I while we were on the street asking if we were going to church the next day, we said we'd be way too hungover, they blathered on and my buddy amused them and they turn to me and say, 'what about you, can you embrace our faith?' and I say, 'Naw, I prefer straight-up blasphemy' 'What do you mean?' 'I mean I'm probably going to go home later and pledge allegiance to Lucifer while listening to Judas Priest and masturbating furiously' '...Okay you guys have a good night!'
> 
> Another time I just about made this kid cry, he started into his speech so I give him a speech of my own asking if he really thinks he's making a difference and if that he's genuinely being a positive impact on society. I told him something like if he wants to make changes in this world he has to put down the book and pick up the sniper rifle and show everyone what happens when you lack faith. He stared at me for about four seconds then walked off
> 
> good times



 Thats an awesome story.


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## Mattmc74 (Jun 13, 2009)

leandroab said:


> "Hey sweetheart, I think it's 'corruption' time!!"



Hell yeah!!!!


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## Mattmc74 (Jun 21, 2009)

Just an update - They were walking around the neighborhood again this morning. I was in the back yard enjoying the weather and drinking some coffee when I noticed them. They did not see but they did look at my house and kept walking. It was like they were thinking - Is that the house with the pervert in it!


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## The Atomic Ass (Jun 21, 2009)

I once had a family of JW's come to my apartment door... It was tough resisting the urge to open the door because the daughter was all kinds of 10yo sexy. 



DavyH said:


> I met a Jehovah's Witness with Tourettes...... he stuck his foot in the door and then told me to fuck off.



Oh now that is priceless.


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## Mattmc74 (Jun 22, 2009)

The Atomic Ass said:


> I once had a family of JW's come to my apartment door... It was tough resisting the urge to open the door because the daughter was all kinds of 10yo sexy.
> 
> 
> 
> Oh now that is priceless.



10yo sexy? Thats not good to say. Are you trying to take over JJ's job?


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## hufschmid (Jun 22, 2009)

Mattmc74 said:


> 10yo sexy? Thats not good to say. Are you trying to take over JJ's job?


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## loktide (Jun 22, 2009)

epic


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## cddragon (Jun 22, 2009)

This thread made me  a lot  I wish there were hot JW in my neibourhood... The only JW that came to my house were two old ladies - but I didn't even bother to open the door for them... If only I read that thread earlier  That even could be much more fun!


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## Mattmc74 (Jun 23, 2009)

I think saying that to the two old ladies would have been really funny!


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## The Atomic Ass (Jun 23, 2009)

Mattmc74 said:


> 10yo sexy? Thats not good to say. Are you trying to take over JJ's job?



Don't you know he's my long lost murderous Canuckian twin brother?


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## Mattmc74 (Jun 23, 2009)

The Atomic Ass said:


> Don't you know he's my long lost murderous Canuckian twin brother?


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## Mattmc74 (Jul 16, 2009)

They were by my house again today this morning. And they didn't stop again! I wonder why?!?!?


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## The Atomic Ass (Jul 16, 2009)

Mattmc74 said:


> They were by my house again today this morning. And they didn't stop again! I wonder why?!?!?



You need to play some Right Said Fred while dancing around in a speedo in your front yard. And get video proof.


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## BrainArt (Jul 16, 2009)

Hahahahahaha! This made me laugh my ass off, nice one Matt!!!!  I only get old lady JWs and a lot of Mormons. Once my mom was outside having a cigarette and saw two JWs walking towards the driveway and immediately said "No Thank You" they kept on coming up, trying to talk to her and she just kept saying "No Thank You" it was funny as hell. Damn, now I kind of want JWs to come to try and preach to me so I can mess with them.


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## Mattmc74 (Jul 16, 2009)

The Atomic Ass said:


> You need to play some Right Said Fred while dancing around in a speedo in your front yard. And get video proof.


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## 74n4LL0 (Jul 17, 2009)

I remember that like a year ago I found some christians (a quite hot chick and a guy) that were stopping people to tell them something like "go to the church now and don't thake drinks/go to the disco" (It was a Saturday night and I don't remember why but there was a Mass at the local church). 
I already knew the guy, he took guitar lesson with my same teacher years ago. Basically the chick tried to persuade my friends to go to church. In the meantime I talked with the guy about 7 strings (he too plays 7 strings ), and brutal metal.


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## Mattmc74 (Jul 17, 2009)

74n4LL0 said:


> I remember that like a year ago I found some christians (a quite hot chick and a guy) that were stopping people to tell them something like "go to the church now and don't thake drinks/go to the disco" (It was a Saturday night and I don't remember why but there was a Mass at the local church).
> I already knew the guy, he took guitar lesson with my same teacher years ago. Basically the chick tried to persuade my friends to go to church. In the meantime I talked with the guy about 7 strings (he too plays 7 strings ), and brutal metal.



 Thats awesome!


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## Ibanezsam4 (Jul 18, 2009)

ohhhh dude thats too funny


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## Mattmc74 (Jul 20, 2009)

Ibanezsam4 said:


> ohhhh dude thats too funny



I know it! You would think that after all these years of getting rejected by people that they would just stop going door to door!


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## Daemoniac (Jul 20, 2009)

How the hell did I miss this?!?


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## leipzig175 (Jul 20, 2009)

Tiger said:


> The original post and a lot of these stories sound like Chris Farley in Billy Madison, trying to tell Billy that he tagged Veronica.
> 
> 'No, you didnt.'


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## snuif09 (Jul 21, 2009)

Jehova: "im bringing jezus"
me: "sure put him in the backyard"


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## skinhead (Jul 21, 2009)

My last met with 2 of them was in a park near my house. They asked me if I wanted to enter to the eternal life. My answer for that was "No, thanks. My brain is fucked up by the freebase and meth ". Both looked at me with a really strage face and went away


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## Mattmc74 (Jul 21, 2009)

skinhead said:


> My last met with 2 of them was in a park near my house. They asked me if I wanted to enter to the eternal life. My answer for that was "No, thanks. My brain is fucked up by the freebase and meth ". Both looked at me with a really strage face and went away


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## bloodline (Aug 30, 2009)

skinhead said:


> My last met with 2 of them was in a park near my house. They asked me if I wanted to enter to the eternal life. My answer for that was "No, thanks. My brain is fucked up by the freebase and meth ". Both looked at me with a really strage face and went away


 

   Thats was great!


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