# Star Wars 3D? No! It's not possible!!!!



## orb451 (Sep 29, 2010)

This:

'Star Wars' Series To Be Re-Released In 3-D - MTV Movie News| MTV

Go go gadget rant mode:

Fuck you George Lucas. You can suck my sweaty nuts. You can eat the little pieces of toilet paper that get stuck in my ass crack after I've taken an apocalyptic shit.

Fucking re-re-re-re-releasing your garbage, and for what? How *much* money do you really need to make? Assuming for a second you're not leaving it all to charity when you eventually succumb to a coronary you fat slimy walrus looking puke piece of shit, your grandkids' grandkids will be set for life. You could probably *build* a 10,000 square foot mansion out of crisp dollar bills.

Whatever talent you had, or had sold your miserable soul for, has long since gone. Evaporated into thin air just like Yoda in Return Of The Jedi. At this point you're as useless as tits on a gundar. Fuck you. I'm not buying these pathetic pieces of tripe, I'm not going to see them, I don't even want to fucking hear about them. And yet, I'll have to.

If ever one needed proof of the coming apocalypse in 2012, George Lucas releasing Star Wars movies in 3D is proof positive that the end does indeed draw nigh. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that somewhere in the Bible, book of John, you'll find references to George Lucas. A corpulent sloth like creature who wrought terror and misery on the world. 

You raped my childhood you fat barrel of monkey spunk. 

/rant


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## Randy (Sep 29, 2010)

No matter how sacrilegious, I enjoy anything Star Wars related.


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## orb451 (Sep 29, 2010)

Well you're not alone Randy. I know there's millions of others that *will* watch whatever George puts on film.

I'm not among them though. Every time he ruins something new, or something old, I die a little inside. I wish he'd just left well enough alone.


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## MaxOfMetal (Sep 29, 2010)

Too bad everyone is going to have to wait three years before they can see a decent movie. 

Won't this mark Episode IV A New Hope's like 6th theatrical run?


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## OrsusMetal (Sep 29, 2010)

Fuuuuuck I hate 3D movies. I also hate how EVERYTHING is being released in 3D now. I have nothing against Star Wars. I just really wanted to state my disgust with 3D films. Especially ones that aren't filmed in 3D. I also hate how 3D movies raise ticket prices. Ugh.

On a completely different note, Mark Hamill is the shit. One of the best voice actors.

On a completely, completely different note related to the original post. I have no idea why he is re-releasing the movies. Didn't he state that they only reason he still did Star Wars stuff was because he enjoyed having fun with the new technology? That is at least why he did the CG films. I don't really understand how making the originals in 3D will really be doing anything new or exciting for him. I would guess he really wouldn't have a lot of control over what is 3D....unless he adds new stuff in like the Special Edition movies. 

I don't know. I just really wanted to share the first part.  So hopefully my contribution above sparks something or at least helps the original conversation along. I don't want to be one of those guys that posts nothing useful in a thread.


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## bostjan (Sep 29, 2010)

Greedo did not shoot first, he did not shoot in quadraphonics, and he did not shoot in 3D.


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## orb451 (Sep 29, 2010)

According to the article, they're going to be taking "special care" in giving this the 3D treatment.

That it takes a special and *artistic* eye to get it right, if it's not been shot natively in 3D.

My ass.

This is going to be the same pile of dung that was the *original* trilogy that he fucked up by hamfistedly adding in unnecessary bullshit. He had a hard on for CG when it finally came up to his pathetic standards. Now he's saying he's wanted it in 3D for years, and *finally* the technology is *good* enough for him and his discriminating taste.

After this, he should re-release American Graffiti in 3D. Fucking noob.


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## Explorer (Sep 29, 2010)

I know in my heart that George Lucas is a genius, which is why he keeps re-examining just one property he came up with long long ago, in a galaxy far, far away.

Joss Whedon is the same kind of genius, as most of what he works on is the one property he came up with. 

I don't know why people come up with new ideas, when just mining the old ones... well, the old ones originated by geniuses... is so inventive. 

District 9. Inception. 9. Avatar. Coraline. Push. The moving forward of the Harry Potter franchise. Jesus, even the new Star Trek movie/reboot manages to do something original!

I used to wonder why there were so many Star Wars books in the sci fi section of the bookstore. I guess people prefer to travel over familiar ground than to go someone new.

Here's what I think would be bold, especially since Lucas keeps claiming he's going back to his original vision: the ending of "Return of the Jedi" being recut, with Solo dead, Leia distraught, Luke in seclusion, and the Alliance faltering. That was George Lucas' original vision. Is it about vision, or about his making a buck? Since actions speak louder than words, I know that all his talk about his vision is just *bullshit*.


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## Triple-J (Sep 29, 2010)

I dig Star Wars but part of me wishes Lucas would just fuck off and halt production of everything Star Wars related right down to the merchandise (Star Wars Transformers?...gimme a fucking break!) and just give it a rest, but I know it won't happen and that in 15 or 20 years from now Lucas will be readying yet another Star Wars re-release for holographic TV or whatever it is we are watching movies on in the future.


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## synrgy (Sep 29, 2010)

You fucking 'd me! I was logging on to post about this, and found your thread before I did so. 

Whether or not they release the rest reportedly depends on the success of the first release. Because they've chosen to release The Phantom Menace ("Episode JESUS FUCK I HATE JAR JAR") first, I actually find myself wondering if it will do well enough to justify continuing with the saga.

I'm only kidding myself, of course. I know that even if it flops at the box office, Lucas knows that he can put his great-great-great-great-grandchildren through college on the subsequent 3D Blue-Ray releases of the original trilogy alone, so it's going to happen.

Anyway, it's George Lucas. If any of you are surprised by this move, I'm surprised at your reaction. 

After this we'll probably get a 3D treatment of Indiana Jones. You know whenever Lucas dusts off one of the properties, Spielberg can't be far behind. After that, I'll go ahead and call a re-release or re-working of Jaws, in 3D. Presuming Lucas lives long enough, once there's technology to get a convincing 3D rendering of Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill, we'll probably start seeing new movies with those characters -- at the age they were then. Kinda-sorta like the 'Sienfeldvision' episode of 30 Rock. 

Here's the worst part: I'll probably go see them. It's the nostalgia factor. 

Funny story: I used to pretend I was Luke Skywalker while playing on the playground in pre-school. (Circa 1984) 

One day there was this girl playing with me, and she was pretending to be Leia. There was this rope swing thing on our playground, and I got the bright idea to re-enact the scene when Luke is trying to get Leia out of the Death Star after they've split with Han and Chewie. "Get on my back" I said, "and we'll swing across [to get away from the imaginary Stormtroopers chasing us]". My 4 year old body couldn't carry the weight of both of us, and as soon as we left the platform, we dropped like rocks onto the sand below.

Thanks, Star Wars, for giving me my first lesson in what it feels like to have the wind knocked out of you. I truly thought I was going to die for a minute there.


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## Skyblue (Sep 29, 2010)

I'll wait for the 4D release, kthxbai.


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## Xaios (Sep 29, 2010)

Heh, I don't think Lucas could ever go back to the "original" ROTJ ending without every Expanded Universe fanboy wanting to neuter him with a lightsaber.

I personally thought there were only 4 things holding the original trilogy back from being awesome:

4) Jar Jar Binks - While extremely annoying, he thankfully only had a lasting presence in Episode 1, while hardly showing up at all in Episode 2 or 3, so he gets placed last on the list.
3) Midi-chlorians - While also only being talked about in Episode 1, these had a more lasting effect on the whole franchise and can potentially change your perception of even the greatest force users in the whole Expanded Universe. Even guys like the Ancient Sith Emperors become way less cool when you think "oh, they just had higher midi-chlorian counts."
2) Natalie Portman - Pretty decent eye candy, but can't act her way out of a paper bag, at least in these movies. The scene near the end of Episode 3 where she cries "Annie, you're breaking my heart!" is possibly the worst moment EVER in Star Wars.
1) Hayden Christiansen - Take Natalie Portman's acting ability in these movies and cut it in half. He is just atrocious in these movies. There are simply no redeeming qualities to be found here.

Curious if anyone eles feels this way, but I actually quite enjoy the Clone Wars 3d cartoon that's running these days, it fixes a lot of the problems with some of the prequel trilogy characters (Anakin is a brash, sarcastic shit-disturber but also charming, and Amidalla kicks ass instead of being a constant helpless damsel in distress, Jar Jar is... less annoying). Although the full length movie did suck.


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## Mexi (Sep 29, 2010)

good thing you said Natalie Portman can't act in "these movies" cause she was phenomenal in Closer, even when she was way younger in The Professional or Heat
edit: on topic though, can you blame Lucas for wanting to milk his franchise even more? that guy shilled his originality many years ago.


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## PulpoxisxurxGOD (Sep 29, 2010)

i was just gonna make a thread about this. George Lucas is gonna milk that cow dry.


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## synrgy (Sep 29, 2010)

I maintain that they are all good actors (we'll.. maybe not HC..) but the problem is in Lucas's writing/directing/editing. The dialog the actors are given to work with is atrocious, and clearly the performances we saw were what he wanted as a director/editor, or they would have come out differently.


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## Randy (Sep 29, 2010)

For the record, The Clone Wars series is fucking awesome.


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## orb451 (Sep 29, 2010)

synrgy said:


> I maintain that they are all good actors (we'll.. maybe not HC..) but the problem is in Lucas's writing/directing/editing. The dialog the actors are given to work with is atrocious, and clearly the performances we saw were what he wanted as a director/editor, or they would have come out differently.



QFT.

I don't know what it is about Georgie boy, but *some* *thing* just makes him bring out the *worst* in actors.

I think Natalie and some of the other actors he threw into episodes 1-3 were good in other material. Maybe even great at times. But in *his* universe, under *his* direction, in *his* movies it was laughably bad acting.

There's a whole host of things that are fucked up with his re-touched classics (episodes 4-6) most of which are covered elsewhere. The other episodes 1-3 are just bad. Bad story. Bad acting. Bad effects. Bad direction. Bad everything. It reminds me of The Matrix. First one was great (to me) and the sequels were progressively worse. They take a decent premise and just fuck with it until it's unrecognizable.

And Jaws 3D? They already made that one in the mid 80s. Not to say they won't eventually give the 3D treatment to the original Jaws though... which will suck. And Indiana Jones? Another beloved franchise, that too will probably get the *treatment* as well. And it too will probably suck balls in 3D, but, the stories (at least the first 3) are great all by themselves. 

Though I could see Spielberg and/or Lucas getting stupid with plot lines in Indy's world too. Arbitrarily changing things to make them more politically correct. Whips and guns will be replaced with rubber bullets and non-lethal crowd control devices. Indy will be more diplomatic. Instead of shooting the swordsmen in Raider's dead on the spot, he'll sit down and have a talk with him. He'll try to understand *his* feelings and motivation for wielding a sword and trying to kill him. He won't throw that German through the front windshield of the truck and run him over, he'll drop him off at the next village and buy him a drink. Assholes.


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## bostjan (Sep 29, 2010)

I can't wait for the release of Sraw Rats! It'll be awesome... Supposedly the opening scene is the Rats Thaed imploding as the Noclaf Muinellim flies toward it.


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## Chickenhawk (Sep 29, 2010)

bostjan said:


> I can't wait for the release of Sraw Rats! It'll be awesome... Supposedly the opening scene is the Rats Thaed imploding as the Noclaf Muinellim flies toward it.














I get sick to my stomach when I think about Lucas. Orb said everything I was going to say, already.


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## bostjan (Sep 29, 2010)

orb451 said:


> Though I could see Spielberg and/or Lucas getting stupid with plot lines in Indy's world too. Arbitrarily changing things to make them more politically correct. Whips and guns will be replaced with rubber bullets and non-lethal crowd control devices. Indy will be more diplomatic. Instead of shooting the swordsmen in Raider's dead on the spot, he'll sit down and have a talk with him. He'll try to understand *his* feelings and motivation for wielding a sword and trying to kill him. He won't throw that German through the front windshield of the truck and run him over, he'll drop him off at the next village and buy him a drink. Assholes.



What about the scene in Temple of Doom Frowns where Mola mildly insults his human sacrifice repressed individual, and puts him into lava time out for twenty minutes. That was such a powerful scene.


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## orb451 (Sep 29, 2010)

bostjan said:


> What about the scene in Temple of Doom Frowns where Mola mildly insults his human sacrifice repressed individual, and puts him into lava time out for twenty minutes. That was such a powerful scene.



Indeed. Or when they finally find the Ark and instead of taking it, they just sit and stare at it for half an hour while Sarah McLachlan plays softly in the background as they ponder the meaning of life, God and what it is to be human.


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## Explorer (Sep 29, 2010)

PulpoxisxurxGOD said:


> i was just gonna make a thread about this. George Lucas is gonna s**k that c*** dry.



Fixed.

Maybe I'm being unfair. After all, after seeing Episode 1, I swore that I'd never see another Star Wars film. Who knows? Maybe 2 and 3 were better than I ever expected? After all, a lot of people keep posting about how brill... er....


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## Xaios (Sep 29, 2010)

orb451 said:


> QFT.
> 
> I don't know what it is about Georgie boy, but *some* *thing* just makes him bring out the *worst* in actors.
> 
> I think Natalie and some of the other actors he threw into episodes 1-3 were good in other material. Maybe even great at times. But in *his* universe, under *his* direction, in *his* movies it was laughably bad acting.



You'd almost get that impression, but there are enough actors that DO manage to pull it off in Episodes 1, 2 and 3 that it just doesn't hold up. Ewan McGregor, Liam Neeson and Ian McDiarmid were all spotless in their respective portrayals of Obiwan, Qui-Gon and Palpatine. Heck, considering they were playing essentially playing two magical warriors and an evil wizard, they made it seem almost believable. Ewan McGregor especially just shined as Obiwan.


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## synrgy (Sep 29, 2010)

Xaios said:


> You'd almost get that impression, but there are enough actors that DO manage to pull it off in Episodes 1, 2 and 3 that it just doesn't hold up. Ewan McGregor, Liam Neeson and Ian McDiarmid were all spotless in their respective portrayals of Obiwan, Qui-Gon and Palpatine. Heck, considering they were playing essentially playing two magical warriors and an evil wizard, they made it seem almost believable. Ewan McGregor especially just shined as Obiwan.



Well, Liam Neeson quite frankly was just being Liam Neeson, and the other two had WELL established characters to build their portrayals from. Ewan was just doing his best impression of Sir Alec Guiness' role from the original trilogy, and besides: Is there ANYTHING in which he isn't likable? He could portray a serial child rapist and people would probably STILL like the character. I mean seriously, his career broke on making a worthless heroin addict a lovable guy. I don't think the comparison is fair.

And again, if Lucas had wanted a different/'better' performance from Portman or HC, we would have seen it. What we saw on the screen is exactly what Lucas wanted. He said it himself; it was "his vision", or whatever. 

Also, Portman in particular has done some STELLAR work for everybody she's ever worked for besides Lucas, so again the finger points to his writing, directing and editing rather than her acting abilities.

Case in point: Empire (Ep. V) is arguably the most loved (or at least critically acclaimed) film in the whole saga, and GUESS which film in the saga is the only one Lucas _didn't_ direct?


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## baboisking (Sep 29, 2010)

Has anyone seen that episode of South park where Lucas and Speilberg begin to re-release classic movies with hideous changes, such as replacing guns with walkie-talkies? 

God, this freakin sucks.


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## PulpoxisxurxGOD (Sep 29, 2010)

baboisking said:


> Has anyone seen that episode of South park where Lucas and Speilberg begin to re-release classic movies with hideous changes, such as replacing guns with walkie-talkies?
> 
> God, this freakin sucks.


 i have. i loved the part where they replaced Saving Private Ryan with walkey talkies. Fucking classic.


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## PulpoxisxurxGOD (Sep 29, 2010)

pl


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## Bungle (Sep 29, 2010)

I'll stick with the original theatrical release of the original Star Wars trilogy. Thanks very much but I'm happy with them as they were, without digital restoration, 5.1 sound and all the added bollocks from the 1997 re-release.

I think it's time we all chipped in for a bounty hunter to take Lucas down.....


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## MFB (Sep 29, 2010)

Bossk? This seems more like a job for IG-88


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## Randy (Sep 29, 2010)

Dengar >.>


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## MFB (Sep 29, 2010)

Randy said:


> Dengar >.>



But...IG-88 wants to eradicate all biological scum


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## PulpoxisxurxGOD (Sep 29, 2010)




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## Xodus (Sep 29, 2010)

Knowing full well this will be fucked up like most 3D movies not originally shot in the format, and won't actually add anything to the movie like 97% of them, I'll pass.


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## kung_fu (Sep 30, 2010)

For a split second immediately after hearing about tis earlier today i got excited. 2 split second after hearing about it and i didnt give a shit. 3 split seconds later and i wanted to kill George Lucas .

I'm a pretty huge Star Wars fan and have been since i was little. Although there are things about the new movies and phantom menace that i didn't like, i was cool with them in principle because they told the story that we didn't originally get to see. I was also on board with the re-release involving the added CG (apart from some tasteless stuff particularly in Jedi like putting Hayden Christianson in the end, replacind the original Jabba-dancing girl song/sequence with a new one, and changing the Ewok song at the end). I don't really see this rerelease as being anything other than a cash grab really, as no new story elements are added. I guess we were foolish to think that the 3D bandwagon would leave without Lucas on board.


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## Pauly (Oct 4, 2010)

I laughed when I saw this. Lucas really can't let this go can he? There's all this other expanded universe stuff which has at times been utterly awesome (Timothy Zahn's trilogy with Thrawn, the Dark Empire/Empire's end graphic novels and so on) but instead it's tinker tinker tinker with decades old movies. LET IT GO GEORGE!

The only thing that's positive is the earlier announcement of Star Wars on BluRay. Now THAT is something I'll be getting.


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## synrgy (Oct 4, 2010)

Pauly said:


> Timothy Zahn's trilogy with Thrawn



Fucking EPIC. I wish they'd do an animated version of those, or something. Grand Admiral Thrawn was one of the coolest villains I've ever read.

"But It was so artistically done."


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## MFB (Oct 4, 2010)

For anyone who wants to kill George Lucas, you and Patton Oswalt have something in common



And quite possibly how George Lucas is coming up with new ideas


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## bostjan (Oct 4, 2010)

Yeah, Episode VII: The Secret of the New Death Star, Boba Fett goes to the Sun, and R2-D2 Fights a Lava Snake was way better than the prequels. I especially liked the part with the lava snake.

Seriously, though...which movie franchise has not gone too far with sequels, prequels, etc.? Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elmstreet, Hellraiser, Jaws, they all went downhill after the first one or two.


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## Pauly (Oct 4, 2010)

synrgy said:


> Fucking EPIC. I wish they'd do an animated version of those, or something. Grand Admiral Thrawn was one of the coolest villains I've ever read.
> 
> "But It was so artistically done."



I read the books years ago but then later found they did them as graphic novels, which are probably as near as you'll get and go nicely with the Dark Empire ones. Dunno if there's still available in print but they're certainly available via that thing that rhymes with warrant and starts with a t.


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