# So it's the Rapture....



## Waelstrum (May 20, 2011)

...and I got left behind. As is usually the way, Australia, New Zealand, and Eastern Asia is leading the way on this, and it looks like a lifetime of not being a Christian has me left behind, as I'm still here. However, it seems that I narrowly avoided a christian ninja attack, as my room is full of empty clothes that I swear weren't there before.

So anyway, who else is apparently damned, doomed to walk the Earth and not ascend into Heaven?*


*or whatever it is that happens on the Rapture


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## Customisbetter (May 20, 2011)

I think those bigot retards don't understand time zones. He probably feels that god only follows eastern time.


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## gunshow86de (May 20, 2011)

That's odd, you shouldn't have seen the effects until tomorrow. The rapture is supposed to wait for America's Saturday. After all, we are the most important.


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## Psychobuddy (May 20, 2011)

Let's Punk the Rapture

Found this on Facebook today, oh and just in case you don't know all the "believers" are poofing on American Saturday at or around 6:00PM...what timezone I have no clue. The rest of us though are staying here until sometime in October...that's all us "sinners" die. Also the whole thing is supposed to start with a big earthquake tomorrow...uhhh or today depending on where you are.

Edit: Yeah this whole thing is bullshit but I can't wait until Sunday when nothing happened...yay media shitstorm on the guy who made the prediction!


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## BucketheadRules (May 20, 2011)

I'm definitely doomed to walk the earth. God wouldn't like what I've been saying about him...

Ah well... I can think of better places to be than heaven tbh... there's no such thing as eternal bliss if I can't commit any kind of sin.  I'm most certainly doing a tour of every decent guitar shop in the country on Sunday, gonna loot the fuck out of them.


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## gunshow86de (May 20, 2011)

This is a real business, and people are actually buying their "service." 

Eternal Earth-Bound Pets


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## Konfyouzd (May 20, 2011)

Customisbetter said:


> I think those bigot retards don't understand time zones. He probably feels that god only follows eastern time.


 


Doesn't he?


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## matt397 (May 20, 2011)

Here's your prophet....

Harold Camping

Apparently he's had a few failed prohecies in the past....


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## PeteyG (May 20, 2011)

gunshow86de said:


> This is a real business, and people are actually buying their "service."
> 
> Eternal Earth-Bound Pets



I think that this is pretty genius on a couple of levels, firstly yes it is a very clever money making scheme that exploits the easily mislead, but mostly because it may well help save a few animals lives if people who were convinced of the rapture were to let them loose or kill them or anything else.


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## Scar Symmetry (May 20, 2011)




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## BrandonARC (May 20, 2011)

i think its a load of shit. This harold camping guy is doing nothing but scaring people into religion and when nothing happens there will be alot of dissapointed people renouncing their faith, so in turn, camping is pretty much spitting in Gods and his followers face.


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## Konfyouzd (May 20, 2011)

Isn't the rapture like a year early? All the doomsday movies seem to suggest we're not all fucked until at least some time next year.


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## BucketheadRules (May 20, 2011)

Konfyouzd said:


> Isn't the rapture like a year early? All the doomsday movies seem to suggest we're not all fucked until at least some time next year.



That's what many people seem to believe, yes.

If they have the brain of an excitable and particularly stupid 5 year-old.


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## technomancer (May 20, 2011)

Just remember folks, the Post-Rapture Looting is scheduled to start promptly at 7PM


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## vampiregenocide (May 20, 2011)

If the world does end, we probably won't see it coming.


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## Konfyouzd (May 20, 2011)

BucketheadRules said:


> That's what many people seem to believe, yes.
> 
> If they have the brain of an excitable and particularly stupid 5 year-old.


 
So... yes?  

If there were some divine plan, I'd like to think the designer would be clever enough that we can't pick apart the whole plan as we seem to believe we can. 

EDIT: Or what Ross said...


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## GuitaristOfHell (May 20, 2011)

I'll see you all Monday , unless you're raptured...I know I won't be. May of been baptized but that don't mean shit haha.


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## niffnoff (May 20, 2011)

Hey guys remember while your all "dying" keep all your houses open? cheers  <3


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## Curt (May 20, 2011)

I've read a few articles about this, and every single one is filled with over analyzed quoting of scripture. I don't care what you think you're figuring out. If you read the bible, it states in plain sight that "man cannot know the day nor hour of such events" or something to that effect.

And if you believe everything else in the bible, why not just take jesus' word for it and stop trying to predict it just to scare the non-believers into following your ideal set? 

And I read the most bullshit article not but half an hour ago where a guy actually posted "what jesus meant in saying that is that you can not know the day or hour, but you CAN know the year!"

I fucking lol'd.


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## Hemi-Powered Drone (May 20, 2011)

I remember hearing that he said 6:00 PM EST on Saturday will be the rapture.


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## Curt (May 20, 2011)

dragonblade629 said:


> I remember hearing that he said 6:00 PM EST on Saturday will be the rapture.



awesome, right in the middle of my friends graduation party!


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## Scar Symmetry (May 20, 2011)

The world's not allowed to end until I've completed Bioshock Infinite


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## Curt (May 20, 2011)

Scar Symmetry said:


> The world's not allowed to end until I've completed Bioshock Infinite


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## gunshow86de (May 20, 2011)

technomancer said:


> Just remember folks, the Post-Rapture Looting is scheduled to start promptly at 7PM



I'm in Houston, think I'll swing by Joel Osteen's pad. You know he'll be swept up, and that dude is straight ballin'.


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## Encephalon5 (May 20, 2011)

I am so far beyond fucked here.......


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## sage (May 20, 2011)

Rapture = good excuse for talking the mrs. into some pre-apocalyptic hibbity dibbity.


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## -42- (May 20, 2011)

I'll make popcorn.


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## niffnoff (May 20, 2011)

Well aside from the looting if by some improbable bullshit chance we are wrong and it happens. Will there be killings with rocks?


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## TXDeathMetal (May 20, 2011)




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## niffnoff (May 20, 2011)

TXDeathMetal said:


>



It didn't take long


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## TXDeathMetal (May 20, 2011)

niffnoff said:


> It didn't take long



I work fast


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## niffnoff (May 20, 2011)

Respect. lol


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## vampiregenocide (May 20, 2011)

My neighbour was looking pretty shifty, so I killed her with a shovel. I never thought I'd see the day I'd have to kill people I know. This truly is the end of the world.


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## Guitarman700 (May 20, 2011)

I'm spending the rapture shitfaced at an Anime convention, so, yeah, that should be fun.


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## Konfyouzd (May 20, 2011)

Konfyouzd is spending the rapture with his bong...


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## nostealbucket (May 20, 2011)

At this moment, there are 3 conspiracy (aka: fucking stupid) theories that claim the world will end on a specific day. 
1. Tomorrow.. because of a 2000 year old book written by crazy people.
2. Nibiru 2012. the 12th planet away from the sun that has giant people living on it... 
3. December 21, 2012.- for some reason... the planets align and what happens? 

Shit. I'm stocking up on bullets. Lets kill some fucking zombies.


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## Hallic (May 20, 2011)

so the zombies are the bodies from the people who get beamed into spirtual realm(aka heaven)?


ps everyone knows international events are dated in GMT. only 10 min left..


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## Dvaienat (May 20, 2011)

nostealbucket said:


> At this moment, there are 3 conspiracy (aka: fucking stupid) theories that claim the world will end on a specific day.
> 1. Tomorrow.. because of a 2000 year old book written by crazy people.
> 2. Nibiru 2012. the 12th planet away from the sun that has giant people living on it...
> 3. December 21, 2012.- for some reason... the planets align and what happens?
> ...


 
All 3 are 100% false and have no factual base. None of them are going to happen, let's just face it. The planets align every year (as far as I know), Nibiru nor giant peope exist, and the Bible is full of lies.


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## C2Aye (May 20, 2011)

I have a Solid State Physics exam tomorrow. Unfortunately the Rapture doesn't happen until after I've finished (6pm US time...East, West or Central? No idea!).

Balls.


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## izdashit (May 20, 2011)

I'm really puzzled as to how the guy arrived at the exact time of 6pm per timezone (well that's what he said on a vid I watched)? He did "explain" as to how he got the date for May 21, but 6pm?

This is what 50 years of studying the bible does to you lol.


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## niffnoff (May 20, 2011)

izdashit said:


> I'm really puzzled as to how the guy arrived at the exact time of 6pm per timezone (well that's what he said on a vid I watched)? He did "explain" as to how he got the date for May 21, but 6pm?
> 
> This is what 50 years of studying the bible does to you lol.



Probably to try and reference SATAN on the 6th Hour or some bullshit.


I'm waiting for the day they ask for donations for when to survive the rapture...


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## BrainArt (May 20, 2011)

Hallic said:


> so the zombies are the bodies from the people who get beamed into spirtual realm(aka heaven)?



If that's the case, they're not trying to eat our brains... But wash them. 



NatG said:


> All 3 are 100% false and have no factual base. None of them are going to happen, let's just face it. The planets align every year (as far as I know), Nibiru nor *giant people exist*, and the Bible is full of lies.



Gigantism.


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## Waelstrum (May 20, 2011)

Shit guys, it's trve! 6 PM EST in America is the time in which every timezone is in the same day! That means it MUST be trve.


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## studio289 (May 20, 2011)

You know you're getting old when:
Upon hearing mention of the "Rapture", the first thing that comes to mind is that shitty song from 1981 by the group Blondie.


R~


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## The McThief (May 20, 2011)

I know that a lot of people in this thread probably aren't Christian, and i'm probably gonna get tons of neg rep, but in the Bible it says that even the Son (Jesus) doesn't know when the earth will end and that only the Father (God) does. And this guy is trying to say he knows more than Jesus? It's messed up, this guy's wrong, and he's giving us Christians a bad name.

Here's the verse Matthew 24:36 "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.


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## Guitarman700 (May 20, 2011)

The McThief said:


> I know that a lot of people in this thread probably aren't Christian, and i'm probably gonna get tons of neg rep, but in the Bible it says that even the Son (Jesus) doesn't know when the earth will end and that only the Father (God) does. And this guy is trying to say he knows more than Jesus? It's messed up, this guy's wrong, and he's giving us Christians a bad name.
> 
> Here's the verse Matthew 24:36 "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.


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## izdashit (May 20, 2011)

Waelstrum said:


> Shit guys, it's trve! 6 PM EST in America is the time in which every timezone is in the same day! That means it MUST be trve.



But I remember him saying 6pm per region. He said that if an earthquake at 6pm happens in that area then judgment has been made lol.

It would've made much more sense if he said 6pm your (US) time (like you stated).


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## Dan (May 20, 2011)

The McThief said:


> I know that a lot of people in this thread probably aren't Christian, and i'm probably gonna get tons of neg rep, but in the Bible it says that even the Son (Jesus) doesn't know when the earth will end and that only the Father (God) does. And this guy is trying to say he knows more than Jesus? It's messed up, this guy's wrong, and he's giving us Christians a bad name.
> 
> Here's the verse Matthew 24:36 "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.



Don't worry, we don't give neg rep for your faith , each to their own and all that jazz . 

End of the day this is all a bit silly if you ask me. However when i originally saw the title as 'Raptor' Instead of rapture i wondered whether raptor Jesus had finally returned to bring back the ice age


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## Guitarman700 (May 20, 2011)




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## Thrashmanzac (May 20, 2011)

in the wise words of jeffery lewis:
people assume you suffer in hell, they just think your selfish. if i was in hell id be happy knowing other people are in heaven, it would make hell not so hellish.


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## Antimatter (May 20, 2011)

So who's got their canned goods and bottled water ready in their basement? I know I do.


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## Explorer (May 20, 2011)

I just want to note that these clowns are on the naughty list. That's why they weren't picked up in the real Rapture, over 8 years ago. 

In fact, that's why everyone else wasn't picked up either. None of these clowns were worthy. 

Now they have to keep pretending that they have a second chance at this. Otherwise, they would have to admit that they are the leftover detritus. It's kind of sad, really....


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## ittoa666 (May 21, 2011)

12 o'clock and all is well.


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## ElRay (May 21, 2011)

Interesting that the three of these came one after the other:



Encephalon5 said:


> I am so far beyond fucked here.......





sage said:


> Rapture = good excuse for talking the mrs. into some pre-apocalyptic hibbity dibbity.





-42- said:


> I'll make popcorn.



Ray


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## leandroab (May 21, 2011)

Y2K anyone?


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## The Somberlain (May 21, 2011)

1. acquire bank accounts of the raptured
2. buy Axe FX II
3. ????
4. Profit, and more djent than Jesus can shake a cross at


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## -42- (May 21, 2011)

Jesus doesn't want to hear any more goddamn ambi-djent.


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## Origin (May 21, 2011)

It's just like 2012, wait for the nothing to happen, then laugh as believers (idiots) scramble to explain it away and say the date was off.  Makes about as much sense as Nostradamus, in that it's pure garbage.


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## Waelstrum (May 21, 2011)

Origin said:


> It's just like 2012, wait for the nothing to happen, then laugh as believers (idiots) scramble to explain it away and say the date was off.  Makes about as much sense as Nostradamus, in that it's pure garbage.



I don't think anyone REALLY believes this stuff, because they're way to calm about it. Like the conspiracy dicks who say that 9/11 was an inside job: if they REALLY thought that, they would be organising a revolution instead of sitting on the internet. I know some people who claim they think this stuff is real, and I made a bet a few years ago with one back in school that the world will not end in 2012. When it doesn't he owes me a coke.


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## neoclassical (May 21, 2011)

All i know is i'm looting a ferarri tomorrow night. religion is for the weak, but if everyone does ascend into "heaven" nobody is gonna stop me from adding to my dream car list.


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## ElRay (May 21, 2011)

Customisbetter said:


> I think those bigot retards don't understand time zones. He probably feels that god only follows eastern time.


Actually, there was a comment that it would be following the timezones and would start at 6pm locally.

Ray


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## Xaios (May 21, 2011)

I don't think I'm gonna get raptured, but if I do, I'll say hi to Peter Steele for y'all.

________________________________________


Me: Holy crap, it actually happened! I'm in heaven!
Dave Mustaine: Yeah man, I'm pretty shocked too.
Me: Wha...? *NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!*


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## Waelstrum (May 21, 2011)

So it's 8:03, and the Rapture is late!


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## GuitaristOfHell (May 21, 2011)

US NY Time it's 6:35... No sign of Jesus or zombies. I think we're in the clear.


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## rogrotten (May 21, 2011)

I was looking forward to killing some zombies!!


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## izdashit (May 21, 2011)

7:30pm here. No signs of flying people yet...


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## Edika (May 21, 2011)

If the rapture is something like Douglas Adams described in the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, were one race put all the moron middle class of their planets in a spaceship and send them to crash in a far away planet because a giant space goat was going to eat their planet (and thus creating the human race), I am all for that.

Just be careful of ear infections from dirty telephones after that


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## vampiregenocide (May 21, 2011)

You guys...know I was joking when I said I killed my neighbours, right? Also I won't be on this forum much for a few months.


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## BucketheadRules (May 21, 2011)

vampiregenocide said:


> You guys...know I was joking when I said I killed my neighbours, right? Also I won't be on this forum much for a few months.



Been arrested for killing your neighbours?


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## niffnoff (May 21, 2011)

Oh didn't you know apparantly the rapture only occurs in western time cause the guy was off xD 

This is getting majorly funny now, I wanna know what the excuse is.


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## Bloody_Inferno (May 21, 2011)




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## Alberto7 (May 21, 2011)

To my surprise, I went to get something to eat this morning and I found like a gazillion cans of tuna in the food cabinets... ... My parents keep joking about Rapture, but apparently one of them might be a little paranoid.


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## Cabinet (May 21, 2011)

I'm actually posting this from hell.
See I went to heaven but found out God was a douche and of course he read my mind so I'm down here. Satan is a pretty cool dude, though. As it turns out, Dave Suzuki taught him how to play guitar.


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## Necris (May 21, 2011)

This showed up in my news feed on facebook, figured I'd share.


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## Jakke (May 21, 2011)

20 min left here...


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## BucketheadRules (May 21, 2011)

25 minutes left until nothing happens to me, because I'm a dirty heathen.

That Jesus pic is fucking great


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## Jakke (May 21, 2011)

okay, 40 min past rapture... I'm actually writing this from Jesus's lap


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## BucketheadRules (May 21, 2011)

It should have happened 4 minutes ago from where I am.

I'm fairly sure I'm still alive.


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## Rook (May 21, 2011)

Will if it's 1800 EST, we still have 4 and a half hours to go.

I hope it doesn't end, I need Parcel Force to deliver something on Monday, they won't be able to if they're dead...


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## vampiregenocide (May 21, 2011)

Fun111 said:


> Will if it's 1800 EST, we still have 4 and a half hours to go.
> 
> I hope it doesn't end, I need Parcel Force to deliver something on Monday, they won't be able to if they're dead...


 
Well as long as they're not Christians, they'll still be able to. They may however be demons.


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## Xaios (May 21, 2011)

Necris said:


> This showed up in my news feed on facebook, figured I'd share.


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## Rook (May 21, 2011)

vampiregenocide said:


> Well as long as they're not Christians, they'll still be able to. They may however be demons.



I think the last delivery guy I had already was a Demon, what happens to him?


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## vampiregenocide (May 21, 2011)

They're like sleeper units.


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## Guitarman700 (May 21, 2011)

OH FUCK ITS HAPPENING DEMONS EVERYWHERE GOTTA GO FIGHT EM OFF


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## tacotiklah (May 21, 2011)

My clothes were saved today. If you come over and find me naked, it's because Jesus stole my clothes. He's been after my Pantera shirt for a while now....


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## Jakke (May 21, 2011)

All I have to say


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## BucketheadRules (May 21, 2011)

ghstofperdition said:


> My clothes were saved today. If you come over and find me naked, it's because Jesus stole my clothes. He's been after my Pantera shirt for a while now....



I'm pretty sure he doesn't want my Death T-shirt, I might be OK.


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## tacotiklah (May 21, 2011)

BucketheadRules said:


> I'm pretty sure he doesn't want my Death T-shirt, I might be OK.




Jesus was spotted rapturing people with this exact shirt on. The phrase on the back is what we call "irony".


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## Guitarman700 (May 21, 2011)

It's true, the jerk raptured my entire Deicide shirt collection.


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## Jack Secret (May 21, 2011)

Here's the rapture


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## JamesM (May 21, 2011)

The Rapture took my car today.

Come on Rapture, that all you've got?


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## tacotiklah (May 21, 2011)

The Armada said:


> The Rapture took my car today.
> 
> Come on Rapture, that all you've got?



I always knew Jesus was a tow-truck driver.


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## JamesM (May 21, 2011)

Nah, it's dead, not taken away. Well, I'm gonna give it to the Kidney Fund folks, so it WILL be taken away.


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## White Cluster (May 21, 2011)




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## Labrie (May 21, 2011)

Fuck, I wish it'd hurry up and get here. I have dinner with the in-laws at 5...


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## tacotiklah (May 21, 2011)

Tre Watson was among the first to be raptured:






Jesus ain't wasting no time today....


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## BucketheadRules (May 21, 2011)

Guitarman700 said:


> It's true, the jerk raptured my entire Deicide shirt collection.



It's evidence.

He's gonna... evaluate them.


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## metaljohn (May 21, 2011)




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## Curt (May 21, 2011)

I still won't be satisfied unless there's a zombie apocalypse.


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## BrainArt (May 21, 2011)

ghstofperdition said:


> Tre Watson was among the first to be raptured:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I'm gonna miss Tre...


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## studio289 (May 21, 2011)

I thought I saw a pair of zombies, but then I realized it was just the elderly couple from across the street out for their evening walk.


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## Kurkkuviipale (May 21, 2011)

Apparently, they haven't updated their website of this unfortunate drawback:

May 21, 2011 - Noah Knew, WeCanKnow! Christ's Return on Judgment Day: May 21, 2011


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## Curt (May 21, 2011)

6:30 PM Central time. 

No people poofing away, no impending zombie apocalypse.

I am disappointed.


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## Bigsby (May 21, 2011)

Why The rapture didn't happen


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## GuitaristOfHell (May 21, 2011)

8:20 PM here. No zombies, still no Jesus with his Vacuum cleaner to suck our souls up. Hell I'm one bad fucking sinner... You can't curse... wait I just fucking cursed. Fuck I'm not gunna be raptured


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## Explorer (May 21, 2011)

Kurkkuviipale said:


> Apparently, they haven't updated their website of this unfortunate drawback:
> 
> May 21, 2011 - Noah Knew, WeCanKnow! Christ's Return on Judgment Day: May 21, 2011



Well, at least they'll be willing to talk about having been wrong... right?

That website does offer further information:

"*Via Phone -- Call 1-800-322-5385 to Family Radio's Open Forum M-F 8:30pm-10pm EST*

Via Internet -- Visit EBible's PalTalk: EBible Fellowship Room - Sunday 9pm-10pm EST or May 21, 2011 Judgment Day - Mon to Fri 10:30pm-11:30pm EST"

I couldnt' find a link for the EBible fellowship Room, but at least you know you can go to a public telephone and call the Open Forum during their business hours. The call will be on them... which seems only fair. 

In fact, most sites of this sort offer you the ability to get in touch with them. If I were more invested in this, I could see rounding up a list and getting lots of people to call with this specific question....


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## Jzbass25 (May 21, 2011)

Damnit my guitars and amp got raptured...


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## Explorer (May 21, 2011)

At least now you know, beyond any doubt, that they were godly....


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## -42- (May 22, 2011)




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## Mindcrime1204 (May 22, 2011)

INSTALLING RAPTURE.

&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9608;&#9617;&#9617;&#9617;&#9617;&#9617;&#9617;&#9617;&#9617;&#9617;&#9617;&#9617;&#9617;&#9617;&#9617;&#9617;&#9617;&#9617; 44% DONE. 

Install delayed. Please wait... 

Installation failed. Please try again. 
404 error: Rapture not found. EVENT "Rapture" cannot be located. The rapture you are looking for might have been removed, had its name changed, or is temporarily unavailable. Please try again later.


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