# SS Love and Relationships Thread



## SevenStringSam

my girlfriend is huge in theatre and just got a part where she has to kiss another guy. so what the hell do i do. i know its gunna eat away at me. so what now?


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## Zoltta

SevenStringSam said:


> my girlfriend is huge in theatre and just got a part where she has to kiss another guy. so what the hell do i do. i know its gunna eat away at me. so what now?



learn to act and then right when hes about to come out, ambush his ass, tie him up and lock him into a closet. Then proceed to walk out on stage and be the man she kisses.


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## SevenStringSam

the kid is so nerdy and weak that if i punched him im scared id kill the kid.. scratch that he getting his ass BEAT


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## Necris

Or you know, you could act like an adult about it and realize the kiss is meaningless and move on.


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## Rick

^Yeah.


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## Fzau

Necris said:


> Or you know, you could act like an adult about it and realize the kiss is meaningless and move on.


 
Jup.

Dude, it's called acting for a reason.. wtf?


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## Zoltta

Necris said:


> Or you know, you could act like an adult about it and realize the kiss is meaningless and move on.



Well yeah i atleast tried to make it look good by going on stage afterwards haha.

But yeah in all seriousness. Its not like the dude is dating her or shes cheating on you. Its theater. You think Megan Fox WANTED to kiss that little bitch from Transformers?


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## glassmoon0fo

^double this. especially if he's no threat, like you paint him out to be.


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## Origin

...More relationship threads?.....Hooray.


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## vampiregenocide

Origin said:


> ...More relationship threads?.....Hooray.


 
Us sevenstring folk are an emotional bunch sir.



While I would also feel uneasy being in your situation, presumably she has wanted to do acting for a while now? In which case there was always the possibility this would happen. Its just acting, as long as she doesn;t use tongue or make out with him its all good. Just make sure when she gets home, you show her why shes with you.


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## DevinShidaker

grow a pair? It's in a play, if you make a big deal about it, expect to look like a douche, and don't be surprised if you get dumped, and even more so, don't be surprised if she starts dating her co-star out of spite.


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## pink freud

Origin said:


> ...More relationship threads?.....Hooray.



We should probably just make a sub-forum for these very issues.

"Is your life getting brutal, but not in the way you like it? Post here!"


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## liamh




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## Tiger

Im sure a mod will close this because its a good idea, but most every forum Ive been on gets sick of non stop Love/relationship related threads and easily dumps them into one large thread. Sometimes it is stickied. But people post whatever the issue is and its dealt with within that thread and everything stays efficient.

If this stays open, great, if not, lets all keep making threads about our girlfriend's period tantrums.


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## Origin

Does me loving you for doing this count?


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## vampiregenocide

Good idea.


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## glassmoon0fo

My name is Chris Hand, and I approve of this thread


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## Necris

My name is also Chris, and while I approve of this thread I know it won't change anything because everyone believes their problems to be greater than those of everyone else so they will give it its own thread anyway.


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## Tiger

Necris said:


> My name is also Chris, and while I approve of this thread I know it won't change anything because everyone believes their problems to be greater than those of everyone else so they will give it its own thread anyway.




Well obviously it'd be part of the rules that people post love/relationships topics in the thread only. It's worked on other major forums, so it'd work here.


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## s_k_mullins

Probably a good idea, but some people are still going to overlook this thread and make their own thread... Cuz they don't fucking use the search function. 
If it's a rule that all love/relationship shit be posted here, and the rule is enforced, then I could see it working. Good idea Tiger.


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## thegagebass

^ theres a search function?


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## djpharoah

Tiger said:


> Im sure a mod will close this because its a good idea,


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## MF_Kitten

i´m marrying my girlfriend of 5 years on saturday. that´s right, the day after tomorrow. it´s going to be awesome 

also, can´t wait to see all the cake


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## leftyguitarjoe

Awesome. A thread I cant contribute anything positive to 

I've been single for 2 years and I'm still going strong.

Bitches be crazy.


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## s_k_mullins

MF_Kitten said:


> also, can´t wait to see all the cake



Cake is great  Congrats!


Oh yeah, and I guess the wedding is OK too


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## 13point9

liking the sound of cake 

my fiancée is currently splitting with me as I talk about music related stuff to much and apparnetly at some point in the future if we were to stay together I'd cheat on her 

that was nearly 3 years and over £3500 well spent then


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## Razorgrin

pink freud said:


> "Is your life getting brutal, but not in the way you like it? Post here!"


+1 for teh funnay.

"This is so not brutal." -Nathan Explosion


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## All_¥our_Bass

The Cake is a lie.


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## Adam Of Angels

Yeah, its just an act, don't worry about it.


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## vampiregenocide

Not had a girlfriend in 4 years, probably because I'm fugly.  I think I'm nice enough, dno what I'm doing wrong. I'm a couple of bad relationships away from turning gay.


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## xiphoscesar

you said the kid is nerdy, then you have nothing to worry about
its not like your gf is a pornstar


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## IDLE

Get even with her by kissing him too.


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## MFB

MF_Kitten said:


> i´m marrying my girlfriend of 5 years on saturday.



My condolences


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## EliNoPants

while i dig being single and spending my money on whiskey and music stuff instead of dinners and tickets to movies i don't want to see, there are a few ladies i dig, the two that stand out above the rest however are going to require serious work to snag, seeing as they have boyfriends that they've been dating for like 2 years or more each...both of them give me those odd looks and make eye contact way longer than necessary, and physical contact way longer than they need to too, it's a shame chicks don't just come out and say "hey, toss this loser off a cliff and then let me ride you like a pony"


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## MF_Kitten

MFB said:


> My condolences



hahahahaha! 

i´m excited about it! the church bit isn´t that awesome, but it´s nice to look at and stuff, and it´s iconic and stuff. what i´m excited about is that it´s a great excuse to totally go overboard with the money usage 

examples: my wife-to-be saw that i wanted a guitar that i found dirt cheap, and said it could be my "morning gift" for the wedding. so i just bought it today (check the ERG section in the coming weeks for a baritone thread!). we´re staying at a hotel after the wedding. aww yeah! we´re having a nice party with great food, entertainment and stuff, and general fun and enjoyment (plus lots of fucking CAKE, MAN!), and we´re going to london again for our honeymoon in a month, which is awesome. i´m also meeting up with one of our beloved forumites down there btw 

so yeah, it´s really a gateway towards awesomeness if your spouse and your attitude towards life and marriage is awesome


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## Scar Symmetry

This is not a serious thread, I cannot take it seriously.

So I will post this:


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## 7 Strings of Hate

You realize, if your both in school for theater, (i'm assuming your in high school) your a kid too  and its not gonna last anyway. Just deal with it, and try to fuck everything that moves untill your into and out of college


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## Varcolac

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Bitches be crazy.


That's half the fun. The other half? 


IDLE said:


> Get even with her by kissing him too.


/thread.


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## Daemoniac

MF_Kitten said:


> i´m marrying my girlfriend of 5 years on saturday. that´s right, the day after tomorrow. it´s going to be awesome
> 
> also, can´t wait to see all the cake



I'm not marrying mine, but we've been together for 5 and a half now  Since high school even! 

As for this thread, I say


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## Stealthdjentstic

Demoniac said:


> I'm not marrying mine, but we've been together for 5 and a half now  Since high school even!
> 
> As for this thread, I say



You are also a broke ass motherfucker right now


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## Daemoniac

Yeah but that's not her fault  That's the studies fault  She got a job though so things will be a bit easier. Still not "time for an Oni" good, but a hell of a lot easier than they have been


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## Stealthdjentstic

Good to hear bro!


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## E Lucevan Le Stelle

vampiregenocide said:


> Not had a girlfriend in 4 years, probably because I'm fugly.  I think I'm nice enough, dno what I'm doing wrong. I'm a couple of bad relationships away from turning gay.



 You do realise that we have drama too... in fact, way more than straight people...


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## Psychobuddy

Anyone else notice that there's three conversations going on inside one thread.

Also to the theater kid, your 15 it's a play it'll be alright.


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## flo

^Yes, I noticed, too 

As for the relationship descussion:
This is the only forum I use. If I had a serious problem, you guys would be the ones for me to turn to, there's so much understanding and encouragement here.What are you being told in other places on the web? Behave like a gentleman and bullshit like that. No no no. Maybe we should create sub category?

And for the theater problem:
My girlfrend had a model job a few months ago where she presented wedding dresses, there were some "grooms" as well, also some being intrested in her. And she would be walking as their bride on the catwalk. Not the easiest thing to watch for a boyfriend. So I went with her backstage and kissed her for like half an hour to show the other guys that she's not available (only for that reason of cause). Worked well  
And oooh, I liked her in that dress, made me want to marry her right away 
Try to see it like this: she's all yours, and what happens on stage is just show. Allow her the freedom she needs to express herself. She's got a passion for theater and for you, NOT for him, right? 
(Or you could kiss a girl in the audience simultaiously if that makes you feel less jealous)


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## synrgy

I'm in love. It's kind of been developing over the last few months, but it became official last week. It's new, and so exciting.

I just wanted to share that.


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## Joeywilson

1.Run up on stage masturbating franticly. 
2.Vomit everywhere.
3.Lie down and make snow angels in a pile of your own feces and vomit whilst screaming obnoxiously.


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## synrgy

metallisuk said:


> 1.Run up on stage masturbating franticly.
> 2.Vomit everywhere.
> 3.Lie down and make snow angels in a pile of your own feces and vomit whilst screaming obnoxiously.



Wait.. Wouldn't they be feces angels? And is it physically possible to scream and vomit simultaneously? I would figure at best he'd only be able to alternate them..


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## Konfyouzd

SevenStringSam said:


> my girlfriend is huge in theatre and just got a part where she has to kiss another guy. so what the hell do i do. i know its gunna eat away at me. so what now?


 
well did you start dating her knowing she was down w/ the whole acting thing? if so you signed up to date a chick who may be required to kiss other dudes from time to time. can't really be mad about it now.

plus... if you say the kid is a nerdy wimpy lil guy chances are she doesn't like him like that anyway... let it go.


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## Konfyouzd

vampiregenocide said:


> Not had a girlfriend in 4 years, probably because I'm fugly.  I think I'm nice enough, dno what I'm doing wrong. I'm a couple of bad relationships away from turning gay.


 


win


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## Joeywilson

synrgy said:


> Wait.. Wouldn't they be feces angels? And is it physically possible to scream and vomit simultaneously? I would figure at best he'd only be able to alternate them..



well i was thinking he'd vomit first, but that could work better


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## CatPancakes

I have the most insanely sciencey/nerdy and beautiful girl ever. That is all.


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## flo

synrgy said:


> I'm in love. It's kind of been developing over the last few months, but it became official last week. It's new, and so exciting.
> 
> I just wanted to share that.



See what I mean?
Nice to read


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## scottro202

I decided last night that I will make my best efforts to bulldoze every pink monkey


Spoiler



Brandy 


there is in Atlanta (And in St Augustine next month  )



That is all


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## MF_Kitten

metallisuk said:


> 1.Run up on stage masturbating franticly.
> 2.Vomit everywhere.
> 3.Lie down and make snow angels in a pile of your own feces and vomit whilst screaming obnoxiously.





synrgy said:


> Wait.. Wouldn't they be feces angels? And is it physically possible to scream and vomit simultaneously? I would figure at best he'd only be able to alternate them..



HAHAHAHAHAHA! 

the mental image i get from this is absolutely amazingly hilarious!

screaming while vomiting = the most metal thing ever!


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## BrainArt

scottro202 said:


> I decided last night that I will make my best efforts to bulldoze every pink monkey
> 
> 
> Spoiler
> 
> 
> 
> Brandy
> 
> 
> there is in Atlanta (And in St Augustine next month  )
> 
> 
> 
> That is all




 Ahh, chat room antics.

And Sam, dude, don't worry about it. She's an actress, it should be no big deal.


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## scottro202

IbanezShredderB said:


> Ahh, chat room antics.
> 
> And Sam, dude, don't worry about it. She's an actress, it should be no big deal.



Yeah Sam, listen to ENGL Scrotum. It's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things


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## wannabguitarist

SevenStringSam said:


> my girlfriend is huge in theatre and just got a part where she has to kiss another guy. so what the hell do i do. i know its gunna eat away at me. so what now?



PIHB



7 Strings of Hate said:


> try to fuck everything that moves untill your into and out of college


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## leandroab

I'm single.


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## telecaster90

Had the same situation as the OP. The other kid was a good friend of mine too. Didn't let it bother me though. If you really like the girl, then be happy for her that she's doing something she loves (theatre, not kissing another dude).


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## caskettheclown

Since this is a relationship thread.

I'm in love with my best friend and have been for a few years now. I want to tell her but i'm afraid of sounding ...well i'm afraid of losing her as a friend

She said she doesn't like having friends that have crushe's on her.
To be honest its really had me down the past few months. Antidepressants haven't been working and I got addicted to pills and almost died from taking 30 pills. No joke. I've been clean a couple weeks now and she doesn't know about any of it.

I am going to tell her but idk how to tell her.
I don't want to just say "i'm in love with you" cause that would be to straight forward I think.
Any ideas?


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## flo

caskettheclown said:


> Since this is a relationship thread.
> 
> I'm in love with my best friend and have been for a few years now. I want to tell her but i'm afraid of sounding ...well i'm afraid of losing her as a friend
> 
> She said she doesn't like having friends that have crushe's on her.
> To be honest its really had me down the past few months. Antidepressants haven't been working and I got addicted to pills and almost died from taking 30 pills. No joke. I've been clean a couple weeks now and she doesn't know about any of it.
> 
> I am going to tell her but idk how to tell her.
> I don't want to just say "i'm in love with you" cause that would be to straight forward I think.
> Any ideas?




Sounds really fucked up. I know this type of situation pretty well, a friend of mine went through the same. 
When she told him she wasn't interested in a relationship he got very depressed. Talked to friends, parents, psychologists and took pills, but couldn't get normal again until he stopped seing her at all (they've been studying at the same university). 

It's important to tell her. But do it the "right" way. If she says no, it's a no, and you should be prepared for that, your life will go on and you're gonna have to make somebody else happy  Your happiness doesn't depend on her. 

I think that I'd take her to a few romantic dates, and kind of prepare her for what you're going to say. It shouldn't be a surprise for her when you tell her your feelings. Make it clear what you're aiming at. My sister has had at least two friends who whished that they'd become a couple but behaved like normal friends and then told her after a long time (or even worse, _their _friends told her). 
No woman will fall in love with you cause you're sad if she woun't. They want to be fought for, dated, treated by a guy who knows what he wants and what he does. You'll manage, mate


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## caskettheclown

flo said:


> Sounds really fucked up. I know this type of situation pretty well, a friend of mine went through the same.
> When she told him she wasn't interested in a relationship he got very depressed. Talked to friends, parents, psychologists and took pills, but couldn't get normal again until he stopped seing her at all (they've been studying at the same university).
> 
> It's important to tell her. But do it the "right" way. If she says no, it's a no, and you should be prepared for that, your life will go on and you're gonna have to make somebody else happy  Your happiness doesn't depend on her.
> 
> I think that I'd take her to a few romantic dates, and kind of prepare her for what you're going to say. It shouldn't be a surprise for her when you tell her your feelings. Make it clear what you're aiming at. My sister has had at least two friends who whished that they'd become a couple but behaved like normal friends and then told her after a long time (or even worse, _their _friends told her).
> No woman will fall in love with you cause you're sad if she woun't. They want to be fought for, dated, treated by a guy who knows what he wants and what he does. You'll manage, mate



well she is going to a different college than I am. Its around an 30-45 minutes away. She is already talking about looking forward to college guys and I don't think we would last long cause of it. The last relationship of hers was kind of like that and she hated that.
OR
She will reject me and things will become awkward and our friendship will fade and I don't want that. 
idk i'm just so scared to death man.

i've been in relationships before but nothing even compares to what I feel for her. 
Death would be a nice escape but I can't stand the thought of hurting people...


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## flo

caskettheclown said:


> Death would be a nice escape but I can't stand the thought of hurting people...



...and who says that death is an escape? You can't know

In all seriousness, I would see a good psychologist about it. I'm not saying you're ill, this is a thing that really many people go through. Have a poll about it in this forum... I say 30%. But really, get some help.


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## CFB

caskettheclown said:


> She is already talking about looking forward to college guys and I don't think we would last long cause of it.
> 
> 
> She will reject me and things will become awkward and our friendship will fade and I don't want that.



One of these two things will happen if you decide to go after her and none of them leads to getting you better. What do you really want, a girlfriend or a stable and positive outlook on life?
Make your main objective to get better. No woman will cure a depression.


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## poopyalligator

Chances are if he is really into theater kissing a girl probably isnt his favorite thing in the world. His parents are just waiting for that day to come where they have "the conversation" lol


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## Konfyouzd

caskettheclown said:


> well she is going to a different college than I am. Its around an 30-45 minutes away. She is already talking about looking forward to college guys and I don't think we would last long cause of it. The last relationship of hers was kind of like that and she hated that.
> OR
> She will reject me and things will become awkward and our friendship will fade and I don't want that.
> idk i'm just so scared to death man.
> 
> i've been in relationships before but nothing even compares to what I feel for her.
> Death would be a nice escape but I can't stand the thought of hurting people...




FUCK THAT BITCH!!!!!!


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## JohnIce

caskettheclown said:


> Since this is a relationship thread.
> 
> I'm in love with my best friend and have been for a few years now. I want to tell her but i'm afraid of sounding ...well i'm afraid of losing her as a friend
> 
> She said she doesn't like having friends that have crushe's on her.
> To be honest its really had me down the past few months. Antidepressants haven't been working and I got addicted to pills and almost died from taking 30 pills. No joke. I've been clean a couple weeks now and she doesn't know about any of it.
> 
> I am going to tell her but idk how to tell her.
> I don't want to just say "i'm in love with you" cause that would be to straight forward I think.
> Any ideas?


 
How old are you? I don't mean to be rude, I'm asking because if you're allowed to drink, and you're both in the same social circle, things could be done very easily 

Here's my idea: Do NOT tell a girl you like her (or even worse, LOVE her), as a transition between friendship and a relationship. That ain't how it works. You know, love is supposed to be the reward for your hard work, it's what you look forward to and aim towards. It's better to say it too late than too early, for sure.

Men are, by nature, impatient and straight-forward, and a little greedy. We want to take what we feel is ours, and we want it now. The thing is that women are generally pretty much the exact opposite... they want things to build up over time, and rushing things is a no-no (scratch that, it's a Hell NO!) in relations with women.

You say you're friends with this girl. So let me ask you: does she talk to you about other guys? Does she ask you to go shopping with her? Do you hold her handbag when she goes to the ladies' room? If these are the types of things you do together, you're FAR from ready to have a relationship with her... because she treats you like a girlfriend, not as the mysterious stallion you want to be in her eyes.

Women like to build up a mystique around guys. They like to fantisize, and get all giddy on the odd chance that they catch a glimpse of him somewhere. THIS is attraction. Being together every day and doing silly things is fun but it's a lousy way to create attraction. She won't fantisize about you if she knows everything about you already.

What I'd do in your situation, is to chill for a while... hang out more with your guy friends, flirt with other random girls when she's around, keep your talks briefer than usual, and just try not to see her much at all. Make her wonder what the hell you are doing that is more important than being with her? Sooner or later she'll want to get back in touch with you, but keep at it! Maybe have a coffee with her sometime or something casual like that, but nothing more. Try to always leave a few days between each interaction with her.

What all of this does is you're making her chase you. Not the other way around. She'll be the one wondering what you're up to, trying to contact you etc., and THAT is how you create attraction. Once you've broken down your friend relationship to a point where you're not as casual with each other, ask her if she wants to tag along with you and your mates to a party. When you're all having fun and thinking about other things, that's when you can take her aside and talk a bit further about things, keeping it light, a little cocky (no "I love you" cheese, think something more James Bond-like), and if you play all your cards right, you may finally end up more than friends.

It's a long shot, man, but I'm rooting for you! Good luck!


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## Antimatter

I know this girl likes me, and I want to hang out with her and get it going on but her parents are paranoid assholes and don't like her being around guys and stuff. I really want this to work, so what do I do?


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## scottro202

Antimatter said:


> I know this girl likes me, and I want to hang out with her and get it going on but her parents are paranoid assholes and don't like her being around guys and stuff. I really want this to work, so what do I do?



From my experience with this, I think you have 2 options.

1) Do what you would normally do, without her parents knowing somehow

2) Try to win her parents over and show her you're not like other guys (Even though we all know you are  ), and proceed forward

1's real risky in that you could get caught and possibly get shot (You ARE in Georgia), number 2 because in addition to possibly getting shot by her dad with a double barrel shotgun, it may not work.


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## Antimatter

scottro202 said:


> From my experience with this, I think you have 2 options.
> 
> 1) Do what you would normally do, without her parents knowing somehow
> 
> 2) Try to win her parents over and show her you're not like other guys (Even though we all know you are  ), and proceed forward


 
I prefer option 2. I guess I'll just have to not mention that I listen to metal.


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## Razorgrin

synrgy said:


> I'm in love. It's kind of been developing over the last few months, but it became official last week. It's new, and so exciting.
> 
> I just wanted to share that.


D'aww. Congratulations! :3

I miss being in love.


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## scottro202

Antimatter said:


> I prefer option 2. I guess I'll just have to not mention that I listen to metal.



Yeah, especially if she's Christian


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## Antimatter

scottro202 said:


> Yeah, especially if she's Christian


 Well she knows what music I listen to, she likes some of it. 

But her parents are those crazy kinds of Catholics.


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## JaxoBuzzo

Im an 18 year old overweight,unemployed high school drop-out.how do you think my love and relationship status is?haha


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## CFB

Antimatter, how old are you? If you're around 18 or older her parents shouldn't give a damn. Well, they shouldn't anyway but that's besides the point.


^It's all up to how you see yourself. If you go up to a girl thinking "Oh this is never gonna work, she's out of my leauge, I'm stupid, fat, old, ugly, poor and live in my moms basement" guess what? Those things shine through like hell. I know some guys that are both fat and not so good looking that can score with hot girls because they don't see themselves as fat and ugly.


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## Razorgrin

CFB said:


> I know some guys that are both fat and not so good looking that can score with hot girls because they don't see themselves as fat and ugly.


My drummer's an absolute troll (in fact, our troll-brother slogan is "Ugly dudes; that's how we roll!") but he scores some of the hottest girls imaginable because he's inhumanly confident. I wish some of that would rub off on me!


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## soliloquy

arg...being brown and in a relationship sucks. 

i've been in a relationship with this girl for 2 and a half years. her family knows, my family knows, and its all good. the problem is, since she is brown, its common practice in the brown world to get girls married off as soon as they hit puberty, or graduate highschool, or univeristy. some major point in life they come over. as a result, if you're brown, chances are, you're out trying to get your sons or daughters hitched. if not that, then your friends sons and daughters hitched. 

shes getting wedding proposals (arranged marriages) pretty much each and every day. her mom said that she isn't getting married until at least 23 or 24(3-4 years from now) and until she finishes her college. but everytime a new wedding proposal shows up, her mom backs out from that. and everytime someone is over for a proposal, my girlfriend gets more depressed. not because we (as in me and her) aren't getting married, but because how presistant they are, and how her mom keeps changing her mind.

cant really talk to her mom as she lost her husband about 2 years ago and is still quiet misrable. misrable to the point where she says that her life is meaningless and useless now that shes a widow, and just keeps talking about death, and dying, which is depressing my girlfriend even more.

she doesn't work much, and if i tell her to get another job or be more busy with work, she says that she cant leave her mom in her current state, regardless of her own needs/wants. so staying in the house with her mom is getting her more depressed. 

and to which, i'm pretty much powerless to do anything. both my girlfriend and i agreeded that we wont get married (to each other, or whom ever) until after we graduate from unvieristy and get a job and the whole 9 yards. i cant speed up time, or drop out and get a job at mcdonalds to support ourselves....

fml


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## Antimatter

CFB said:


> Antimatter, how old are you? If you're around 18 or older her parents shouldn't give a damn. Well, they shouldn't anyway but that's besides the point.


 
15.


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## caskettheclown

JohnIce said:


> How old are you? I don't mean to be rude, I'm asking because if you're allowed to drink, and you're both in the same social circle, things could be done very easily
> 
> Here's my idea: Do NOT tell a girl you like her (or even worse, LOVE her), as a transition between friendship and a relationship. That ain't how it works. You know, love is supposed to be the reward for your hard work, it's what you look forward to and aim towards. It's better to say it too late than too early, for sure.
> 
> Men are, by nature, impatient and straight-forward, and a little greedy. We want to take what we feel is ours, and we want it now. The thing is that women are generally pretty much the exact opposite... they want things to build up over time, and rushing things is a no-no (scratch that, it's a Hell NO!) in relations with women.
> 
> You say you're friends with this girl. So let me ask you: does she talk to you about other guys? Does she ask you to go shopping with her? Do you hold her handbag when she goes to the ladies' room? If these are the types of things you do together, you're FAR from ready to have a relationship with her... because she treats you like a girlfriend, not as the mysterious stallion you want to be in her eyes.
> 
> Women like to build up a mystique around guys. They like to fantisize, and get all giddy on the odd chance that they catch a glimpse of him somewhere. THIS is attraction. Being together every day and doing silly things is fun but it's a lousy way to create attraction. She won't fantisize about you if she knows everything about you already.
> 
> What I'd do in your situation, is to chill for a while... hang out more with your guy friends, flirt with other random girls when she's around, keep your talks briefer than usual, and just try not to see her much at all. Make her wonder what the hell you are doing that is more important than being with her? Sooner or later she'll want to get back in touch with you, but keep at it! Maybe have a coffee with her sometime or something casual like that, but nothing more. Try to always leave a few days between each interaction with her.
> 
> What all of this does is you're making her chase you. Not the other way around. She'll be the one wondering what you're up to, trying to contact you etc., and THAT is how you create attraction. Once you've broken down your friend relationship to a point where you're not as casual with each other, ask her if she wants to tag along with you and your mates to a party. When you're all having fun and thinking about other things, that's when you can take her aside and talk a bit further about things, keeping it light, a little cocky (no "I love you" cheese, think something more James Bond-like), and if you play all your cards right, you may finally end up more than friends.
> 
> It's a long shot, man, but I'm rooting for you! Good luck!



We've best friends for over a year now.


You do make some sense and i'll put some thought into it and see what I get.

Thank you.


----------



## CFB

I get that her parents are a bit worried. If they're super-protective there's not much you can do. If they're not then make her your GF and then act like Jesus in front of them. They will eventually change their minds.

Unless you just want to bone her. In that case just do it and be over it.


----------



## Antimatter

CFB said:


> I get that her parents are a bit worried. If they're super-protective there's not much you can do. If they're not then make her your GF and then *act like Jesus* in front of them. They will eventually change their minds.
> 
> Unless you just want to bone her. In that case just do it and be over it.


 
But Jesus had long hair! How am I going to grow it out that fast


----------



## CatPancakes

CFB said:


> I get that her parents are a bit worried. If they're super-protective there's not much you can do. If they're not then make her your GF and then act like Jesus in front of them. They will eventually change their minds.
> 
> Unless you just want to bone her. In that case just do it and be over it.



and by act like jesus he means drill holes in your hands and feet and cover yourself in blood, wear torn white robes, and a crown of thorns


----------



## caskettheclown

Well long story short i'm just going to have to keep being her good friend.


*dives into a seemingly bottomless pit of depression*


----------



## chasedowbr00t4l

So I've been going out with this girl for over a year now, and all was well for quite a while. But for the past few months, I've been going through a lot of anxiety issues and problems that have been troubling me for so long. She's been getting really stressed about seeing me all like this because she doesn't know how to help the situation that I've been in. So a month ago, we started going on "a break" (Yeah, doesn't sound too good ) for me to sort out my life for a bit so I can get it back on track. She said that we should give things a break for a while until school is done for the year, and wait for the summer to come around the corner and see what happens. I've been in contact with her during this break, and talking to her every now and then to check up on her, and still give her the space she needs. 

Anyways, it's been about a month now, and I'm seeing her on Tuesday. I'm not totally sure what's going to happen, or even how to act towards her. What I've thought was to try and be as outgoing as I can be, and show her that I've made an improvement during this break. And if we do end up talking about the relationship, I know what to say and how I feel about her, and hopefully everything will work out for the best. 

But i'm open up for any suggestions you guys could recommend me to do. It would be much appreciated.


----------



## metulkult

K, SO
i liek this gurl but she dusnt liek me halp

Sorry, had to do it


----------



## EliNoPants

DOs & DON'Ts - Vice Magazine

that's good advice for dealing with any chick, even less at times really


----------



## JohnIce

David DeAngelo has written a lot of good material on dating, attraction and generally how to get laid... I think he's a little too black & white at times (for example he says that once a girl's interest level in you drops below 50% it's irreparable and you need to dump her, which I know from personal experience is bollocks), but much of what he says is absolutely true!

Doc Love - AskMen.com


----------



## soliloquy

needless to say a single life is far les stressful than a coupled life!
girls really ruin you!


----------



## JohnIce

soliloquy said:


> needless to say a single life is far les stressful than a coupled life!
> girls really ruin you!


 
In many ways, yes.

But when all is well with you and your girl, you're probably more happy and relaxed than you'd be otherwise.

Not to mention there's no better way to start a day than with some quick morning sex


----------



## snuif09

caskettheclown said:


> Since this is a relationship thread.
> 
> I'm in love with my best friend and have been for a few years now. I want to tell her but i'm afraid of sounding ...well i'm afraid of losing her as a friend
> 
> She said she doesn't like having friends that have crushe's on her.
> To be honest its really had me down the past few months. Antidepressants haven't been working and I got addicted to pills and almost died from taking 30 pills. No joke. I've been clean a couple weeks now and she doesn't know about any of it.
> 
> I am going to tell her but idk how to tell her.
> I don't want to just say "i'm in love with you" cause that would be to straight forward I think.
> Any ideas?



i went through exactly the same it sounds weird but leave her also as friend stop thinking about her i did that and i have found another girl that i loved

once friendzoned you rarely will come out of it.

or just say it and then leave if shes like "ugh your weird" cause then she isnt worthy anyways


also something i need to add since i havent spoken to her for a while and my social live is only progressing she is searching for contact since last week and want to meet sometime (i havent spoken or seen her for about 4months since she got angry and said shit that im not really fond of hahaha) but yea rumor is that she want me back as boyfriend not as friend.
but im still pissed off because what she said to me so idont know xD


----------



## Sang-Drax

vampiregenocide said:


> Not had a girlfriend in 4 years, probably because I'm fugly.  I think I'm nice enough, dno what I'm doing wrong. I'm a couple of bad relationships away from turning gay.



Not a good idea, as that would only decrease the number of potential partners. Go bi instead; if you really have the guts, go pansexual. Love shouldn't be restricted to the animal kingdom, after all.


----------



## E Lucevan Le Stelle

Sang-Drax said:


> Not a good idea, as that would only decrease the number of potential partners. Go bi instead; if you really have the guts, go pansexual. Love shouldn't be restricted to the animal kingdom, after all.



Pansexual is totally the most useless orientation... "bi but also into transsexuals/intersex", basically.

In fact, LGBTPQQIAS is the most useless acronym ever.

has dealt with way too much university LGBT committee stuff...


----------



## Fzau

JohnIce said:


> David DeAngelo has written a lot of good material on dating, attraction and generally how to get laid... I think he's a little too black & white at times (for example he says that once a girl's interest level in you drops below 50% it's irreparable and you need to dump her, which I know from personal experience is bollocks), but much of what he says is absolutely true!
> 
> Doc Love - AskMen.com


 
Jup, David DeAngelo has some interesting advice alright.

JohnIce is ss.org's Love Doctor in a way.
If I were a girl I'd be all over him with my tits!


----------



## Jeroenofzo

I had this situation a few weeks back, that the girl i was dating dumped me for a serj tankian look-a-like. I was pretty bummed out for some time. She didn't want to talk to me anymore. Sort of, walking away after you had a accident with a car or something. She didn't want to face the consequences. And then it got all through to me;

I got a education
I play a instrument
I'm a pretty respected guy at both college and home
I'm not butt-ugly 
I got to see her real personality

And suddently i felt just SO, SO, SO much better 
Mostly because i got everything she didn't have ( Except for the looks  )

tl:dr

Be a bit of a egotripper sometimes!


----------



## JohnIce

^ As it's been said, confidence is among the most attractive traits a dude can have... so boosting your own ego (in a good way, not the asshole way), is great! Unfortunately it's hard to do on your own, but that's another story...


----------



## metulkult

JohnIce said:


> ^ As it's been said, confidence is among the most attractive traits a dude can have... so boosting your own ego (in a good way, not the asshole way), is great! Unfortunately it's hard to do on your own, but that's another story...



The best way to boost your confidence...

Buy new gear.

Seriously. Happiness = Confidence.
I was pretty much the most awkward teenager you could have met. But for some reason, after I purchased some new gear that I was REALLY happy with, I became a lot more confident.

Also, you kind of have to act like an asshole to most girls.
No matter how nice they are, you kind of have to come off as... well, not so much a dick, but like there is some sort of veil over you. You want the girl to chase you, not the other way around.

What I also find helped me a lot with being around girls, is that I just stopped giving a shit. 
I'd throw on some shorts, some random band shirt, and shoes w/o socks. But still walked around with my head up in the sky, like I was the hottest shit around.
When you stop giving a shit, things come a lot more naturally. It also brings out the real you, which is what all girls want.


----------



## JohnIce

^Spot on, man!


----------



## Razorgrin

"You know what? Be David Caruso in _Jade_."


----------



## avenger

Alright I need advice guys.

My gf and I of 2 1/2 years broke up last night. We have always communicated well and have worked out many issues. Her friends like me I like her friends. The reason was that she didn't feel as excited to see me as she used to and wanted more time to be herself. We both agreed that we still loved each other and cared for each other and would try to remain friends. She had felt this way for months she said. I on the other hand was blindsided. 

So half of me accepted this, I felt like shit etc. etc. The other half thought that it was silly to give up so easily without trying different options. So being the sleep deprived madmen I was I just called her and told her to hear me out. So I got her to agree to take a two week break and then meet up and see how things are going and if we want to try something again take it abit less seriously and spend abit less time together so we could still live our seperate lives. She has agreed and told me she is not sure if she will miss me alot or feel to move on. 

We had just spent aweek apart the previous week and she attacked me with love when I saw her again. We had a fantastic weekend together so I am not sure what to think at this point. I guess I wait now.

Thoughts? Am I stupid for trying/caring? Are somethings worth sticking yourself out on a limb for?

IB4, pussy, lame, emo, etc.


----------



## synrgy

avenger said:


> Thoughts? Am I stupid for trying/caring? Are somethings worth sticking yourself out on a limb for?



Firstly, I do think it's good that you were open and honest. This is key in all points of life. That said, I have some bad news for you.

I am only basing this on my own personal experience, so take it with a grain of salt: I think she's done with you.

I don't mean to be harsh, and I don't mean to burst any of your bubbles, but I think that if she's already said anything even _remotely_ along the lines of 'I'm just not that into you any more', then it's over. What it sounds like she wants now is the feeling we get when we're with someone new and exciting. No matter how much you may love her, you will never again be new and exciting to her, and thus will not be able to give her what she's looking for.

It would be purely selfish to try and prolong things any further.

I know it sucks almighty ass when we find out that our love is not reciprocated, and I have little consolation for you there except that you will find it again, but based on what you have described, this is where I think you stand.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being friends, but DON'T DO IT if you can't truly JUST be her friend. It's dishonest and harmful to you both if you try to maintain a friendship while you're just hoping that any day she'll realize she's still in love with you in a romantic capacity. Trust me: I've been down that road before, and it's some of the the worst (self-inflicted) pain I've ever experienced.


----------



## MSalonen

Alright, so I've somewhat recently come out of the slightly messy end to a longer-term, serious relationship (as I've detailed in another thread).

And on the whole, I'm doing fine, and feeling a lot better. While it still sucks to think about it or her, it isn't what I'm focusing or trying to somehow "fix" or anything like that. I'm moving on.

The issue at hand where I'm hoping to find some help is in that process of moving on. I've never really been satisfied by sleeping around, but I also most definitely do not feel like trying to find another relationship would be a good idea, even if a part of me wants that (and a good part of me doesn't).

So, not counting the obvious answer of just being happy with myself and by myself, I feel kind of confused as to what to do. I want to keep moving things forward but I'm not sure how to direct myself in the area of women. I'm still perfectly comfortable and confident in myself, but I feel kind of lost and confused about the whole thing.

It's also kind of awkward that a previous ex-girlfriend (not the most recent) wants to suddenly visit and hang out next month (she lives in another state). It's pretty obvious she wants to start exploring the relationship again, but I honestly don't feel that way about her anymore (though I am still physically attracted to her). So I'm doing my best not to lead her on or make her believe I want her to come but under false pretenses.


----------



## avenger

synrgy said:


> Firstly, I do think it's good that you were open and honest. This is key in all points of life. That said, I have some bad news for you.
> 
> I am only basing this on my own personal experience, so take it with a grain of salt: I think she's done with you.
> 
> I don't mean to be harsh, and I don't mean to burst any of your bubbles, but I think that if she's already said anything even _remotely_ along the lines of 'I'm just not that into you any more', then it's over. What it sounds like she wants now is the feeling we get when we're with someone new and exciting. No matter how much you may love her, you will never again be new and exciting to her, and thus will not be able to give her what she's looking for.
> 
> It would be purely selfish to try and prolong things any further.
> 
> I know it sucks almighty ass when we find out that our love is not reciprocated, and I have little consolation for you there except that you will find it again, but based on what you have described, this is where I think you stand.
> 
> There is absolutely nothing wrong with being friends, but DON'T DO IT if you can't truly JUST be her friend. It's dishonest and harmful to you both if you try to maintain a friendship while you're just hoping that any day she'll realize she's still in love with you in a romantic capacity. Trust me: I've been down that road before, and it's some of the the worst (self-inflicted) pain I've ever experienced.


Yeah thats more or less what I figured, I just found it to be weird that we had a great time together up until that very second.

I also agree with you on the being friends thing I told her many times that I don't think I could ever only partially have a relationship with her, that my feelings would be way to strong and I would only end up hurting us both even more.

Maybe I just feel that at first I had no chance at all and now maybe there is some sort of hope that we can patch things up. 

I still feel so fucked up that I am actually typing this. I am at work and havent slept since 10am on sunday, I havent even eaten anything all day and I have been at work since 6:30. 

I appreciate the advice alot. I am trying to not let my emotions cloud my judgement but easier said then done. I think I will just let things play themselves out. I know there is love out there, its just hard right now when the one I want to share it with is distant.


----------



## MSalonen

Oh, one other thing.

So I just got a new job at a place where my most recent ex girlfriend used to work (and she got fired from a few months into our relationship) and apparently (according to my new and very cool coworkers) she went in, before I did, and introduced me as her ex. What the fuck? I've never even known her, while we were together (for a year and a half) to ever go in or even hang out with anyone from there.

I don't even know what to think, except that it seems really fucked up and weird to me, for her to be marking me with that before they even know me. And for those unfamiliar with the situation, she broke up with me.


----------



## flo

avenger said:


> Yeah thats more or less what I figured, I just found it to be weird that we had a great time together up until that very second.
> 
> I also agree with you on the being friends thing I told her many times that I don't think I could ever only partially have a relationship with her, that my feelings would be way to strong and I would only end up hurting us both even more.
> 
> Maybe I just feel that at first I had no chance at all and now maybe there is some sort of hope that we can patch things up.
> 
> I still feel so fucked up that I am actually typing this. I am at work and havent slept since 10am on sunday, I havent even eaten anything all day and I have been at work since 6:30.
> 
> I appreciate the advice alot. I am trying to not let my emotions cloud my judgement but easier said then done. I think I will just let things play themselves out. I know there is love out there, its just hard right now when the one I want to share it with is distant.




So sorry to read this. 

I really feel your pain, I went through the same like half a year ago. I was depressed as hell, but focused on myself and did the things I missed when we where together. I totally gave up hope. I've leaned alot from this crises.

Apparently enough. Guess what? Three weeks later, we've been together again (and still are). I wish you good luck.


----------



## avenger

flo said:


> So sorry to read this.
> 
> I really feel your pain, I went through the same like half a year ago. I was depressed as hell, but focused on myself and did the things I missed when we where together. I totally gave up hope. I've leaned alot from this crises.
> 
> Apparently enough. Guess what? Three weeks later, we've been together again (and still are). I wish you good luck.


 Thanks for the kind words.


----------



## 13point9

avenger said:


> Relationship turmoil



sounds like you're going through the exact same shit as me atm, i posted earlier in a jokey way, but i guess thats my way of dealing with the magnitude of the situation. Its been 3 weeks since she first brought it up and its been one bumpy ride, but we are apart at the moment and going to wait and see what happens. At the end of the day its up to her, but ive come round and realised that ill be happy whatever she wants (ofc id be happier if she took me back but hey lol)


----------



## avenger

13point9 said:


> sounds like you're going through the exact same shit as me atm, i posted earlier in a jokey way, but i guess thats my way of dealing with the magnitude of the situation. Its been 3 weeks since she first brought it up and its been one bumpy ride, but we are apart at the moment and going to wait and see what happens. *At the end of the day its up to her, but ive come round and realised that ill be happy whatever she wants (ofc id be happier if she took me back but hey lol)*


 

Goodluck to all, and if she doesnt take me back I guess I can work on guitar awhole lot more!


----------



## JohnIce

avenger said:


> Alright I need advice guys.
> 
> My gf and I of 2 1/2 years broke up last night. We have always communicated well and have worked out many issues. Her friends like me I like her friends. The reason was that she didn't feel as excited to see me as she used to and wanted more time to be herself. We both agreed that we still loved each other and cared for each other and would try to remain friends. She had felt this way for months she said. I on the other hand was blindsided.
> 
> So half of me accepted this, I felt like shit etc. etc. The other half thought that it was silly to give up so easily without trying different options. So being the sleep deprived madmen I was I just called her and told her to hear me out. So I got her to agree to take a two week break and then meet up and see how things are going and if we want to try something again take it abit less seriously and spend abit less time together so we could still live our seperate lives. She has agreed and told me she is not sure if she will miss me alot or feel to move on.
> 
> We had just spent aweek apart the previous week and she attacked me with love when I saw her again. We had a fantastic weekend together so I am not sure what to think at this point. I guess I wait now.
> 
> Thoughts? Am I stupid for trying/caring? Are somethings worth sticking yourself out on a limb for?
> 
> IB4, pussy, lame, emo, etc.


 
I pretty much just went through this with my GF... she said the same thing, that it was boring, it wasn't leading anywhere etc... and that was when we were actually talking to eachother, mind you, and not yelling at or avoiding eachother  We didn't actually break up, but she suggested it, and we'd both thought about it for weeks. She basically broke me down, walked over me and moved on.

What I did was just to mentally let go of her right there... spent time with friends, hung around people I know to like me, went to the bar with my mates and flirted with new girls etc., not with the intention to cheat on my girl but to reinforce my sense of self-worth and that the aspects of me that my girlfriend was attracted to in the first place, are still there and I'm every bit the man I was before. Basically just get back in touch with who you are beside your relationship.

I stopped calling her and trying to meet up, I stopped insisting that we talk it out, I stopped complaining that our relationship had taken a wrong turn etc., and above all, I stopped saying I wanted her back.

It took about three days of ignoring her until she showed up at my house late at night, with a bag of necessities, saying she's sleeping over. I kept my cool, held some distance, and throughout the night she became more and more desperate to reach out to me. I didn't even kiss her until the next day, and believe me she worked for it the whole time.

Now we're having a better relationship than we've ever had. All because i stopped being clingy, predictable and a general lap dog to her. That shit will turn a girl off in minutes. So pick up your balls, keep your back straight and say "fuck it", you're just as good on your own as you are with her. Not only will you take it better if you do break up, but it's also the only way to get her interested in you again.

Good luck, mate!


----------



## avenger

JohnIce said:


> I pretty much just went through this with my GF... she said the same thing, that it was boring, it wasn't leading anywhere etc... and that was when we were actually talking to eachother, mind you, and not yelling at or avoiding eachother  We didn't actually break up, but she suggested it, and we'd both thought about it for weeks. She basically broke me down, walked over me and moved on.
> 
> What I did was just to mentally let go of her right there... spent time with friends, hung around people I know to like me, went to the bar with my mates and flirted with new girls etc., not with the intention to cheat on my girl but to reinforce my sense of self-worth and that the aspects of me that my girlfriend was attracted to in the first place, are still there and I'm every bit the man I was before. Basically just get back in touch with who you are beside your relationship.
> 
> I stopped calling her and trying to meet up, I stopped insisting that we talk it out, I stopped complaining that our relationship had taken a wrong turn etc., and above all, I stopped saying I wanted her back.
> 
> It took about three days of ignoring her until she showed up at my house late at night, with a bag of necessities, saying she's sleeping over. I kept my cool, held some distance, and throughout the night she became more and more desperate to reach out to me. I didn't even kiss her until the next day, and believe me she worked for it the whole time.
> 
> Now we're having a better relationship than we've ever had. All because i stopped being clingy, predictable and a general lap dog to her. That shit will turn a girl off in minutes. So pick up your balls, keep your back straight and say "fuck it", you're just as good on your own as you are with her. Not only will you take it better if you do break up, but it's also the only way to get her interested in you again.
> 
> Good luck, mate!


 Thanks for all the support guys, I am trying to do what you said having no communication for a few days and fuck is it hard. Everything you have said is exactly what needs to happen, if it works great if not it's time to move on.


----------



## Fzau

JohnIce said:


> I pretty much just went through this with my GF... she said the same thing, that it was boring, it wasn't leading anywhere etc... and that was when we were actually talking to eachother, mind you, and not yelling at or avoiding eachother  We didn't actually break up, but she suggested it, and we'd both thought about it for weeks. She basically broke me down, walked over me and moved on.
> 
> What I did was just to mentally let go of her right there... spent time with friends, hung around people I know to like me, went to the bar with my mates and flirted with new girls etc., not with the intention to cheat on my girl but to reinforce my sense of self-worth and that the aspects of me that my girlfriend was attracted to in the first place, are still there and I'm every bit the man I was before. Basically just get back in touch with who you are beside your relationship.
> 
> I stopped calling her and trying to meet up, I stopped insisting that we talk it out, I stopped complaining that our relationship had taken a wrong turn etc., and above all, I stopped saying I wanted her back.
> 
> It took about three days of ignoring her until she showed up at my house late at night, with a bag of necessities, saying she's sleeping over. I kept my cool, held some distance, and throughout the night she became more and more desperate to reach out to me. I didn't even kiss her until the next day, and believe me she worked for it the whole time.
> 
> Now we're having a better relationship than we've ever had. All because i stopped being clingy, predictable and a general lap dog to her. That shit will turn a girl off in minutes. So pick up your balls, keep your back straight and say "fuck it", you're just as good on your own as you are with her. Not only will you take it better if you do break up, but it's also the only way to get her interested in you again.
> 
> Good luck, mate!


 
You hit the nail on the head again, mate 
This was pretty much my mistake in my first relationship 

But it does work ever so well!
Never lose your own independent self I'd say.


----------



## auxioluck

MSalonen said:


> Alright, so I've somewhat recently come out of the slightly messy end to a longer-term, serious relationship (as I've detailed in another thread).
> 
> And on the whole, I'm doing fine, and feeling a lot better. While it still sucks to think about it or her, it isn't what I'm focusing or trying to somehow "fix" or anything like that. I'm moving on.
> 
> The issue at hand where I'm hoping to find some help is in that process of moving on. I've never really been satisfied by sleeping around, but I also most definitely do not feel like trying to find another relationship would be a good idea, even if a part of me wants that (and a good part of me doesn't).
> 
> So, not counting the obvious answer of just being happy with myself and by myself, I feel kind of confused as to what to do. I want to keep moving things forward but I'm not sure how to direct myself in the area of women. I'm still perfectly comfortable and confident in myself, but I feel kind of lost and confused about the whole thing.
> 
> It's also kind of awkward that a previous ex-girlfriend (not the most recent) wants to suddenly visit and hang out next month (she lives in another state). It's pretty obvious she wants to start exploring the relationship again, but I honestly don't feel that way about her anymore (though I am still physically attracted to her). So I'm doing my best not to lead her on or make her believe I want her to come but under false pretenses.



I'd say just be honest with her and let her know you're still attracted to her, but you're still not mentally sound from your last break-up. If you actually would like to see her, or if you could use the company (and other things), I'd say invite her out. If you have no interest in being around her outside of an out-of-town booty call, I'd say forget it. It'll be easier on you and her both in the long run.


----------



## Tiger

I have a very, very, very supportive girlfriend who really tries her best to help me in my career, and she also has an amazing ass.

Just wanted to say that.


----------



## TimSE

Tiger said:


> I have a very, very, very supportive girlfriend who really tries her best to help me in my career, and she also has an amazing ass.
> 
> Just wanted to say that.


----------



## All_¥our_Bass

The only winning move is not to play.

/thread


----------



## JohnIce

avenger said:


> Thanks for all the support guys, I am trying to do what you said having no communication for a few days and fuck is it hard. Everything you have said is exactly what needs to happen, if it works great if not it's time to move on.


 
Yeah, it does suck... a lot. One important thing is to keep yourself busy with other things, and try to NOT drink alcohol. Alcohol fucks up your judgement and super-charges your emotions, which can easily lead to you taking out your frustrations on angry text-messages to her and whatnot. It's so easy to lose your discipline when you're drunk, especially when you're feeling bad. So lay off the booze, but keep occupied.


----------



## snuif09

JohnIce said:


> Yeah, it does suck... a lot. One important thing is to keep yourself busy with other things, and try to NOT drink alcohol. Alcohol fucks up your judgement and super-charges your emotions, which can easily lead to you taking out your frustrations on angry text-messages to her and whatnot. It's so easy to lose your discipline when you're drunk, especially when you're feeling bad. So lay off the booze, but keep occupied.



im always just "wasting" my time writing songs in that kind of situation most then i have something to do and sometimes there is usefull material that i can use =)

but somtimes songs mostly lyrics tend become a tad emo....


----------



## Fzau

JohnIce said:


> Yeah, it does suck... a lot. One important thing is to keep yourself busy with other things, and try to NOT drink alcohol. Alcohol fucks up your judgement and super-charges your emotions, which can easily lead to you taking out your frustrations on angry text-messages to her and whatnot. It's so easy to lose your discipline when you're drunk, especially when you're feeling bad. So lay off the booze, but keep occupied.


 
It's true, alcohol does super-charge your emotions - which is obviously not what you're looking for.
Play guitar and work the fuck out instead 

It works for me


----------



## Prydogga

Don't fuck drunk bitches sober. That's my contribution to this thread I have not read.


----------



## avenger

Fzau said:


> It's true, alcohol does super-charge your emotions - which is obviously not what you're looking for.
> Play guitar and work the fuck out instead
> 
> It works for me


Thats exactly what I ahve been doing working out and playing guitar. Throw in some video games to turn my brain off for awhile aswell.


----------



## liamh

I got with a bird last night


----------



## JohnIce

liamh said:


> I got with a bird last night


----------



## JohnIce

Prydogga said:


> Don't fuck drunk bitches sober. That's my contribution to this thread I have not read.


 
The other way around isn't advisable either... I was drunk shitless the night I met my girl, she was more or less sober, and sure enough it did work out but she's told me many times after how lousy I was that night


----------



## Fzau

JohnIce said:


> The other way around isn't advisable either... I was drunk shitless the night I met my girl, she was more or less sober, and sure enough it did work out but she's told me many times after how lousy I was that night


 


For all you college guys, hooking up with girls after a cantus isn't advisable either. 
Even if you'd manage to get it up, it would probably end up in one of either puking on the other.
No, I'm not talking from experience


----------



## Antimatter

JohnIce said:


>




I can picture there being a bird like that except yellow and it turns into the Wal-Mart smiley


----------



## budda

I'm going to read this entire thread later. I could probably share funny stories about my weekend here haha


----------



## MFB

Guys, my right hand found out about my left, what do I do?!


----------



## leandroab

MFB said:


> Guys, my right hand found out about my left, what do I do?!



Cut it off!



I mean relations!


----------



## auxioluck

MFB said:


> Guys, my right hand found out about my left, what do I do?!



Double Dutch?


----------



## MFB

auxioluck said:


> Double Dutch?



If I'm thinking of the right thing, doesn't that require another person entirely?


----------



## Psychobuddy

^yes, or use your left hand to work you right...maybe...


----------



## liamh

I'm quite surprised it took a whole 6 pages until the topic turned into masturbation


----------



## auxioluck

MFB said:


> If I'm thinking of the right thing, doesn't that require another person entirely?



No, that's a Dutch Windmill. Noob.


----------



## metulkult

auxioluck said:


> No, that's a Dutch Windmill. Noob.



Dutch Rudder!

Hasn't anyone seen Zack and Miri Make a Porno?


----------



## auxioluck

metulkult said:


> Dutch Rudder!
> 
> Hasn't anyone seen Zack and Miri Make a Porno?



Damn it, that's what I was trying to reference! I fail.


----------



## MFB

I got the reference, and I remember Jason Mewes saying you have someone link their arm with yours hence my "doesn't that require another person?"


----------



## metulkult

MFB said:


> I got the reference, and I remember Jason Mewes saying you have someone link their arm with yours hence my "doesn't that require another person?"



It's not gay... it's just two guys trying to have a good time!


----------



## freepower

MFB said:


> Guys, my right hand found out about my left, what do I do?!



Threesome. Obvo. 



> I have a very, very, very supportive girlfriend who really tries her best to help me in my career, and she also has an amazing ass.
> 
> Just wanted to say that.



 Happy Relationships.


----------



## Bungle

metulkult said:


> Dutch Rudder!
> 
> Hasn't anyone seen Zack and Miri Make a Porno?


I saw that with a group of people at the cinemas when it was first released. At that scene my mate calls out "Dutch Rudder? I reckon it should be called a Chain Reaction" 

A little more on topic, I've been going out with a girl for about 7 months now. She sings, plays drums, piano and (most importantly) guitar, is super supportive, gets along with my family and friends like a house on fire and her family and friends are awesome too. I'm super happy with her and although it's still early days, I could see us spending many more months together.



Tiger said:


> I have a very, very, very supportive girlfriend who really tries her best to help me in my career, and she also has an amazing ass.
> 
> Just wanted to say that.


Pics!


----------



## JohnIce

Bungle said:


> A little more on topic, I've been going out with a girl for about 7 months now. She sings, plays drums, piano and (most importantly) guitar, is super supportive, gets along with my family and friends like a house on fire and her family and friends are awesome too. I'm super happy with her and although it's still early days, I could see us spending many more months together.


 
That sounds awesome! My girl since 7 months is pretty much the opposite... she's uninterested in music, unimpressed by me playing guitar, doesn't support that side of me at all, doesn't like my friends and says she wants my family to be more social with her because all her past boyfriend's families have been  Yet despite all that, we seem to keep it together


----------



## Dragonfly

metulkult said:


> Dutch Rudder!
> Hasn't anyone seen Zack and Miri Make a Porno?





auxioluck said:


> No, that's a Dutch Windmill. Noob.





auxioluck said:


> Double Dutch?



What's with all the references to the Dutch? I think I'm missing something here


----------



## Herb Dorklift

So, as some of you may know, my girlfriend of 3 years left me just recently.

I'd fully paid for a holiday for both of us, and now faced the prospect of going alone.

I posted a BAWWW status on Facebook, and a "friend" of mine (I say "friend" because I don't actually know here. Seen her around and spoke a couple times but that's about it) replied to it and jokingly said "take me!".

I was like "Ok, cool" haha. Total coincidence that she's an incredibly hot, stylish single lady by the way.

So after that we decided we should meet up and actually talk. She made it clear that she thought I shouldn't take her and that I should take one of my good friends.

I thought it'd be much more fun to take someone new, that way we'd have lots to talk about. So yeah, the idea was that we'd meet up and see how we got on etc.

She's pretty great, we get on really well. But, she's a huge flirt, really attractive and I could see myself getting attached to her. We went out on Weds just me and her and had a great time, then we went out yesterday with her guy friends, and I was kinda jealous that she wasn't giving me her attention all night. Weird I know. So I get really stupid when I'm with girls... like the holiday I paid for... cost me £1200. I bought my girlfriend a DVD player because she kicked me out of MY flat and I wanted to take MY PS3. I spent £70 last night on mine and her drinks. I think I try impress girls by being really generous? I mean, it's in my nature, I'm a generous guy but that's just fucking stupid.

So what's up? Is it just because I'm recently single and feel that I need someone because it's what I'm used to? Don't get me wrong, I'd totally love to bone her, but I want company too.

Would I feel like this with any girl I've just befriended, or is it her?

I really wanna take her to Paris and just have a cool time, but I'm afraid I'm going to want more and get hurt. 

Forgive this post, I'm actually quite hungover and sleep deprived. Not really sure what this post is, but feel free to post a stupid picture in a reply.


----------



## maliciousteve

I'd go alone mate or go with a male friend. Give yourself time to move on, have fun and meet a lot of new people. You'll want company because you've been with some one for so long, so give yourself time to just like your own company.


----------



## Metalus

Herb Dorklift said:


> So, as some of you may know, my girlfriend of 3 years left me just recently.
> 
> I'd fully paid for a holiday for both of us, and now faced the prospect of going alone.
> 
> I posted a BAWWW status on Facebook, and a "friend" of mine (I say "friend" because I don't actually know here. Seen her around and spoke a couple times but that's about it) replied to it and jokingly said "take me!".
> 
> I was like "Ok, cool" haha. Total coincidence that she's an incredibly hot, stylish single lady by the way.
> 
> So after that we decided we should meet up and actually talk. She made it clear that she thought I shouldn't take her and that I should take one of my good friends.
> 
> I thought it'd be much more fun to take someone new, that way we'd have lots to talk about. So yeah, the idea was that we'd meet up and see how we got on etc.
> 
> She's pretty great, we get on really well. But, she's a huge flirt, really attractive and I could see myself getting attached to her. We went out on Weds just me and her and had a great time, then we went out yesterday with her guy friends, and I was kinda jealous that she wasn't giving me her attention all night. Weird I know. So I get really stupid when I'm with girls... like the holiday I paid for... cost me £1200. I bought my girlfriend a DVD player because she kicked me out of MY flat and I wanted to take MY PS3. I spent £70 last night on mine and her drinks. I think I try impress girls by being really generous? I mean, it's in my nature, I'm a generous guy but that's just fucking stupid.
> 
> So what's up? Is it just because I'm recently single and feel that I need someone because it's what I'm used to? Don't get me wrong, I'd totally love to bone her, but I want company too.
> 
> Would I feel like this with any girl I've just befriended, or is it her?
> 
> I really wanna take her to Paris and just have a cool time, but I'm afraid I'm going to want more and get hurt.
> 
> Forgive this post, I'm actually quite hungover and sleep deprived. Not really sure what this post is, but feel free to post a stupid picture in a reply.



Been there bro 

If you believe that taking her will only lead to more pain, then dont. You're much better off taking a close friend. 

You need to take someone thats going to be there for you during this time. Not someone whos gonna flirt with other dudes when shes supposed to be hanging with you


----------



## Raoul Duke

http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/off-topic/122010-ss-love-and-relationships-thread.html


----------



## DrunkyMunky

I have to agree... you should take a male friend with you. I know what it's like to be all alone after a relationship and we need to hold on to someone else to avoid the pain. You already want to bone her and since you are a little needy right now, you'll just get hurt when see gets all flirty with some random french guy.

And yup, it's really stupid to buy stuff for girls just because you feel like it... some will like it, a few will stick around for presents and nothing else. Man I think you need to learn to be by yourself.

Don't get me wrong, I'm an idiot around girls too...


----------



## Varjo

Okay, so here's my two cents:



Herb Dorklift said:


> She's pretty great, we get on really well. But, she's a huge flirt, really attractive and I could see myself getting attached to her...


 
You *could* see. But you don't know. Maybe she can read you and knows this, maybe not. In any case, you should make it clear to yourself before you make any major acts, such as an trip to Paris. What I know of women, unless you know what you want, you'll get the shit end of things every time.

I mean, it's great to have friends and such, but if you're afraid of getting hurt and not sure whether you want more or not from her, Paris is propably the wrong place to find out. Women are funny. You can be friends with them first. And they'll be fine with that. But later, if you suddenly (or after a tiresome, long session of whiskey and thinking and pondering come to a conclusion seeming like a sudden change to the prettier sex) change your mind and want more, your chances are pretty much gone. You can propably hear the words "oh come on, don't be silly, we're friends..." chime in your head.



> ...then we went out yesterday with her guy friends, and I was kinda jealous that she wasn't giving me her attention all night. Weird I know.


 
Weird in what way? You enjoy her company and her attention. It's a man's nature to see other males entertaining a potential mate as rivalry. It's not weird. But it does tell something about the whole "i just want to be friends"-facade. 



> Would I feel like this with any girl I've just befriended, or is it her?


 
Only you can answer that question (or you and your mother, since moms always know), but I'd guess that it's just whole shebang. You've been singled quite recently and know there's a beautiful woman who isn't your sister or your childhood friend who likes you. Why would one feel like that? Perhaps because one likes to feel wanted. One likes to feel that there a) really is other fish in the sea b) those other fish actually are interested.

You're in the Single Man's Mess. You think what you want to do but remember two things: there are always other fish in the sea (soooo flat to say but so true nonetheless) and don't think with your dick - unless all you want is to bone her.


----------



## Herb Dorklift

Cheers guys.

I'm just confused. AFAIK she isn't interested in me, we'd be going to Paris as friends. I just don't wanna get attached. Just so you know, the discussion we had about her saying NOT to take her was a long one. I know that she isn't befriending me just because I said I'd take her away (I can see how it would look like that  )

So hmm. I also text/mail a lot. I get a little sad if she doesn't respond 

I'm such a clingy bastard haha.


----------



## Murmel

Wait a second.. There are hot girls in England?..


----------



## ralphy1976

take her (she will like this), play around have fun and then go both your ways calling it quits and that's that...

EDIT : i KNOW i am going to get shot...but..you a guy and you text a lot..seriously...???!!!!!


----------



## JohnIce

As I usually say... you can't get a woman to like you by generosity and favours etc. Ok she might like you and think you're nice, but she won't be attracted. There's no challenge in having someone come around and totally pamper you and pay for you to be with them, and no challenge = no attraction. Especially with flirty girls, as you call her.

As an example, when I hooked up with my girl, her friend wanted me to go out with them and I geniunely didn't want to for a while cause I was hung over and in the middle of recording... then my gf to be started pressing me to go too, so I finally said fuck it and went out, but not with them, but with my bass player.

The whole night I was spending more time drinking beer with my mate than pay them much attention. When they were at our table, I could go out smoking. By the end of the night, these girls said they were going to the dance floor... I said "great, catch you later!". 10 seconds later they come back and physically drag me over there. Half an hour later I'm getting it on on my bass player's couch, and we've been together for 7 months now and it's great.

Moral of the story: My girl would have guys come up to her all the time buying drinks, complimenting every last freckle on her body and that gets tired. So here I come, not paying her much attention, and her attraction level shoots through the roof just because I challenge her at her own game.

My advice to you is to drop what you're doing, bring a solid wingman with you on this trip and not this girl, have a sweetass time over there and if you're still into this girl when you get back, start over completely and try it on YOUR terms this time.


----------



## cypher858

just my two cents... leave girls out of your main life for a bit man...

i may be young, but i know what heartache is like... give yourself some time before you toss yourself out there again... :-\

best of luck


----------



## Herb Dorklift

I'll lay off for a few days. See if she wants me to talk with her after that.


----------



## Konfyouzd

i say go alone homie... alone doesn't *have* to be synonymous w/ "lonely". 

sorry ab what happened, though.


----------



## død

Here's the story: Last week I was in the park with some friends, drinking beer, smoking weed and BBQ'ing, and a girl I've kind of liked for a while is there, we don't talk much, but she comments on how "cute" I am when I'm high (yes, some women actually find uncontrolled giggling, red eyes and stupid behaviour cute). 

I don't think that much of it, but yesterday her FB sent out spam to me, which I jokingly replied to. She immediatly starts talking to me, both in the chat and on both her and my wall. Since most girls find me unattractive, uncharming and a general mess (I am), this took me by surprise too say the least. We talked for a good 2-3 hours in the chat. Fastforward to this morning, I'm asking on FB if anyone is up for some beers and BBQ in the park. Five minutes later she contacts me again, asking me if I'm going out today, and gives me her number. 

This is going pretty good, you might say? Well, here's where the issues come in: This girl is bi-sexual, in the way that she's 98 % lesbian, but occasionally hooks up with guys. The other issue is that I got out of a pretty serious relationship some months ago, and I'm still pretty fucked up about it. WTF do I do?


----------



## Arminius

JohnIce said:


> As I usually say... you can't get a woman to like you by generosity and favours etc. Ok she might like you and think you're nice, but she won't be attracted. There's no challenge in having someone come around and totally pamper you and pay for you to be with them, and no challenge = no attraction. Especially with flirty girls, as you call her.
> 
> As an example, when I hooked up with my girl, her friend wanted me to go out with them and I geniunely didn't want to for a while cause I was hung over and in the middle of recording... then my gf to be started pressing me to go too, so I finally said fuck it and went out, but not with them, but with my bass player.
> 
> The whole night I was spending more time drinking beer with my mate than pay them much attention. When they were at our table, I could go out smoking. By the end of the night, these girls said they were going to the dance floor... I said "great, catch you later!". 10 seconds later they come back and physically drag me over there. Half an hour later I'm getting it on on my bass player's couch, and we've been together for 7 months now and it's great.
> 
> Moral of the story: My girl would have guys come up to her all the time buying drinks, complimenting every last freckle on her body and that gets tired. So here I come, not paying her much attention, and her attraction level shoots through the roof just because I challenge her at her own game.
> 
> My advice to you is to drop what you're doing, bring a solid wingman with you on this trip and not this girl, have a sweetass time over there and if you're still into this girl when you get back, start over completely and try it on YOUR terms this time.




Wisdom.


----------



## Zugster

Run.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Why does everyone always post girl problems here? Ask me a question I can fuckin' answer... "How do I hook up a push/pull vol pot?" "How do I get rid of this bow in my neck..." "How many licks til you get to the center of a tootsie pop..." 

Furthermore, I partake in "herbal stimulation" from time to time. While my eyes may be red, I find the random giggling and general jackassery to be an invalid stereotype, but that's neither here nor there.

Now... In regards to this girl situation. She may like you or she may just want a "good male friend". Talk to her and find out. How the fuck can I tell you?

/rant


----------



## MJS

død;2038135 said:


> This girl is bi-sexual



Threesome.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^ 

Through observation I've found bi-sexual girls to be attention craving pains in the ass. Just my two cents.


----------



## ralphy1976

Konfyouzd said:


> Why does everyone always post girl problems here?



cause you were 17 once and you & I are much older these days!!!!!!

EDIT : i did a 2nd take and actually read the OP's post...and i read this

"This girl is bi-sexual, in the way that she's 98 % lesbian, but occasionally hooks up with guys"

i am not going to say how much this pisses me off, but i am just going to say this :

Lesbians girls use dildos......why?

have you ever since / heard of gay men using fake vaginas?


----------



## Konfyouzd

ralphy1976 said:


> have you ever since / heard of gay men using fake vaginas?


 
never considered this. is an asshole a fake vagina? 

i'm pretty sure i've seen a t-shirt that says "Ass: The other vagina"


----------



## signalgrey

make a contest on your facebook as to who should go with you on vacation. that must be the best suggestion!

sorry bought the woman woes mon frere


----------



## ralphy1976

Konfyouzd said:


> never considered this. is an asshole a fake vagina?
> 
> i'm pretty sure i've seen a t-shirt that says "Ass: The other vagina"



you can say thank you indeed....


----------



## josh pelican

To make this easier on you, just take me.



Murmel said:


> Wait a second.. There are hot girls in England?..


 
I giggled.


----------



## død

Konfyouzd said:


> Now... In regards to this girl situation. She may like you or she may just want a "good male friend". Talk to her and find out. How the fuck can I tell you?
> 
> /rant


Gonna meet her today, we'll find out, I guess.



ralphy1976 said:


> cause you were 17 once and you & I are much older these days!!!!!!



But... But... I'm not 17


----------



## Konfyouzd

lol @ twisting this thread to make him gay rather than chase a chick that's "98% lesbian."

by the way... that statement alone ("she's 98% lesbian") more or less lets you know exactly how pointless it is to chase this chick unless she just does it for attention in which case i suggest you get in, get off and get out, because attention whores are a headache nobody needs in life.


----------



## død

Konfyouzd said:


> lol @ twisting this thread to make him gay rather than chase a chick that's "98% lesbian."
> 
> by the way... that statement alone ("she's 98% lesbian") more or less lets you know exactly how pointless it is to chase this chick unless she just does it for attention in which case i suggest you get in, get off and get out, because attention whores are a headache nobody needs in life.



I guess you're right, but fuck, this girl is really sweet.


----------



## Herb Dorklift

Maybe I could hold auditions  Make it a competition


----------



## Konfyouzd

død;2038186 said:


> I guess you're right, but fuck, this girl is really sweet.


 
By all means go for it, I'm just saying be careful.


----------



## ralphy1976

død;2038186 said:


> I guess you're right, but fuck, this girl is really sweet.



well, just cut to the chase...some like it :

look, are we gonna fuck or what, cause if you are just playing me like some kind of 17 yo cheesy dick it is your loss..so miss bi-sexual, put your acts where your mouth is!!!!

no?..don;t you think?


----------



## død

ralphy1976 said:


> well, just cut to the chase...some like it :
> 
> look, are we gonna fuck or what, cause if you are just playing me like some kind of 17 yo cheesy dick it is your loss..so miss bi-sexual, put your acts where your mouth is!!!!
> 
> no?..don;t you think?



I'm gonna pull that line tonight over some beers and burnt hot dogs


----------



## ralphy1976

død;2038196 said:


> I'm gonna pull that line tonight over some beers and burnt hot dogs



got a pic of the lucky 98% lesbian / 2% cock hungry lady? or a FB link?


----------



## Konfyouzd

yes... let's see if she's worth all this deliberation haha...


i swear to god if she's a rug muncher and she's not even cute we should e-beat you...


----------



## ralphy1976

Konfyouzd said:


> yes... let's see if she's worth all this deliberation haha...
> 
> 
> i swear to god if she's a rug muncher and she's not even cute we should e-beat you...



as the chorus of team america goes

FUCK YEAH!!!


----------



## josh pelican

Hot sauce contest. Let's go.


----------



## død

She's not insanely hot, but looking the way I do, I'm not one to chase after the insanely hot wimminz either. What she does have is a great personality.


----------



## Konfyouzd

nahh she's cute... i'd hit that.


----------



## ralphy1976

Konfyouzd said:


> nahh she's cute... i'd hit that...with a pillow!!!



fixed....


----------



## død

Here's two even better reasons to hit it:


----------



## ralphy1976

RE FUCKING S(L)ULT!!!!

yeah just drop in there, be cheecky with her, try something along the line i mentioned above, or something like :

you don't need to worry about your sex toys batteries tonight cause i'll be lending you a hand.. and my dick of course!!!


----------



## Konfyouzd

This thread just took a pleasantly unexpected turn... Keep em coming. And why do you have so many pictures of a girl you're just now starting to talk to?


----------



## død

Yeah, she's been talking about me giving her a booty call. The last time that happened to me, the girl ended up being ridiculously drunk and on her period. I was not pleased, to say the least.


----------



## Konfyouzd

død;2038233 said:


> Yeah, she's been talking about me giving her a booty call. The last time that happened to me, the girl ended up being ridiculously drunk and on her period. I was not pleased, to say the least.


 
I've banged a chick on the rag... If you have a towel and it's dark and you don't look and do it in HER bed it's all good...


----------



## ralphy1976

Konfyouzd said:


> I've banged a chick on the rag... If you have a towel and it's dark and you don't look and do it in HER bed it's all good...



he has spoken the truth....although if it is her bed you can always use her bed rather than your towel...

booty call is ok , but you can't really be waiting for it...it is a case of "fuck tonight? yeah i am free, cool" nothing else!!!

rule #1 : if you are a booty call you need at least 2 booty call


----------



## død

Konfyouzd said:


> I've banged a chick on the rag... If you have a towel and it's dark and you don't look and do it in HER bed it's all good...



First time I went down on my ex, she had gotten her period without noticing it, and being the n00b I was back then, I didn't notice (it was dark). I looked like a mix between Hannibal Lecter and Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer the morning after. Scarred for life now


----------



## Konfyouzd

aaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!! that is UNgood...


----------



## josh pelican

død;2038245 said:


> First time I went down on my ex, she had gotten her period without noticing it, and being the n00b I was back then, I didn't notice (it was dark). I looked like a mix between Hannibal Lecter and Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer the morning after. Scarred for life now


 
Grow a set! A little blood won't hurt anyone.

I think you've got to post a picture of yourself for all to see. If you're as hideous as you make yourself out to be, I would go for anything that pays attention to ya'.

But, who knows... you may post a picture of yourself and turn half the members of this board gay, which would make the entire board gay.

(I kid, I kid)


----------



## ralphy1976

^+1 PIC NAOH!!!!


----------



## død

Haha, ok. This is me on our national day.


----------



## avenger

Well it seems this thread has degraded rather quickly but I thought I would post an update anyhow.

So we went out for dinner last night to discuss things and decided that we had some great times together but things were over "romaticly" between us. After some discussion we realized that we are too good of friends to burn bridges over this event and are going to continue being friends.

I was a little concerned that I would be hurt/jealous if she sees someone else but we agreed that our friendship is to good to loose over something so trivial. I am happy with the outcome of course I wish we could have worked things out but such is life. We will remember the good times together and plan on having many more as friends. 

We spent the night going to the movies and such as friends and it was alittle awkward at first but overall it was a fun night. I told her I was glad that I didn't loose my best friend over this and she agreed and told me she was really worried that she would loose her best friend aswell but was glad we came to an understanding. 

I kind of see her as a sister now and she liked the idea of that friendship and then we made some incest jokes.


----------



## auxioluck

I will say this plainly...

Scissoring does not adequately substitute for a penis.

If a woman says they are bi, it means that part of them (and probably most of them) still wants to get their brains fucked out.

My experience with girls that are bi are that they mostly do it for attention from guys, or they'll make out with a girl when they're fucked up, but don't go near the downstairs. My simple advice (since it's too early in the morning for me to be arsed to give out detailed advice): Stay cool, be yourself. That's what she liked to begin with. Besides, what have you got to lose?


----------



## auxioluck

avenger said:


> Well it seems this thread has degraded rather quickly but I thought I would post an update anyhow.
> 
> So we went out for dinner last night to discuss things and decided that we had some great times together but things were over "romaticly" between us. After some discussion we realized that we are too good of friends to burn bridges over this event and are going to continue being friends.
> 
> I was a little concerned that I would be hurt/jealous if she sees someone else but we agreed that our friendship is to good to loose over something so trivial. I am happy with the outcome of course I wish we could have worked things out but such is life. We will remember the good times together and plan on having many more as friends.
> 
> We spent the night going to the movies and such as friends and it was alittle awkward at first but overall it was a fun night. I told her I was glad that I didn't loose my best friend over this and she agreed and told me she was really worried that she would loose her best friend aswell but was glad we came to an understanding.
> 
> I kind of see her as a sister now and she liked the idea of that friendship and then we made some incest jokes.





The hardest part now is making it last.


----------



## Psychobuddy

^Can anyone tell me which problem this was, I'm not reading the whole thread.

I'm really lazy.


----------



## auxioluck

Rebound, rebound, rebound.

I've been here before, and from my experience, it just made things twice as bad. You're like me, where I love attention from girls, and I would do anything to keep it.

You're also at a point where your mind is trying to break a habit of buying things for a girl and seeing one all the time. Your brain is probably trying to go, "Wait...missing girl...find another." Hence the essence of rebound. Problem is, you'll be 6 months in a relationship before you realize it's the dumbest thing you've done in those last 6 months.

Like already said, I say take a friend, or hell, go by yourself. I'd bet as soon as you start sending pics back with just you, you'll have all kinds of attention.


----------



## ralphy1976

is your hair for real or is that a wig...quite amazing!!!!

i think you are quite well matched!!!! keep us informed!!! and of course good luck!!!

just for my own mind, how do you say "booty call" in Swedish..do you have an equivalent?


----------



## død

ralphy1976 said:


> is your hair for real or is that a wig...quite amazing!!!!
> 
> i think you are quite well matched!!!! keep us informed!!! and of course good luck!!!
> 
> just for my own mind, how do you say "booty call" in Swedish..do you have an equivalent?



You would have to ask the Swedes on here about that, Oslo is in NorwayBut no, we don't have an equivalent, we just call it a booty call.

edit: And yes, my hair is for real.




This girl wants to straighten it...


----------



## Fred the Shred

Period isn't a problem and never was. Wipe the balls clean with a tissue after conveniently removing the condom. Failing to find a tissue or other appropriate tools, feel free to use her shirt / curtains / both. J/K

As for the "oh, I had a long relationship with a traumatic breakup" dilemma, get over it. Your purpose is to have fun, and so is hers. Don't insert deep and meaningful melodramatic crap on something as fun and casual as what you're having and let things take their course.

tl;dr - always have condoms, be relaxed and enjoy yourself, and for all that's holy don't cum within a 10 second span on your first date. I advise you to make a nice and judicious picking hand practise ritual beforehand if you're a tad too nervous.


----------



## ralphy1976

my bad..yeah i should know better having snowboarded a few times in Hemsedal!!!

Norwegian chicks are HOT. period!!!

you hair is crazy and that pic is pretty cool!!!

Well looks like she likes hair..bingo!!!! she could surely straighten some hair somewhere else...

CONDOM, always though...


----------



## leandroab

JohnIce said:


> As I usually say... you can't get a woman to like you by generosity and favours etc. Ok she might like you and think you're nice, but she won't be attracted. There's no challenge in having someone come around and totally pamper you and pay for you to be with them, and no challenge = no attraction. Especially with flirty girls, as you call her.
> 
> As an example, when I hooked up with my girl, her friend wanted me to go out with them and I geniunely didn't want to for a while cause I was hung over and in the middle of recording... then my gf to be started pressing me to go too, so I finally said fuck it and went out, but not with them, but with my bass player.
> 
> The whole night I was spending more time drinking beer with my mate than pay them much attention. When they were at our table, I could go out smoking. By the end of the night, these girls said they were going to the dance floor... I said "great, catch you later!". 10 seconds later they come back and physically drag me over there. Half an hour later I'm getting it on on my bass player's couch, and we've been together for 7 months now and it's great.
> 
> Moral of the story: My girl would have guys come up to her all the time buying drinks, complimenting every last freckle on her body and that gets tired. So here I come, not paying her much attention, and her attraction level shoots through the roof just because I challenge her at her own game.
> 
> My advice to you is to drop what you're doing, bring a solid wingman with you on this trip and not this girl, have a sweetass time over there and if you're still into this girl when you get back, start over completely and try it on YOUR terms this time.



_"JohnIce. Making you bone girls since 2009"_




That's funny because the EXACT SAME THING happened to me when i was in the US. I shit you not. I kinda like electronic music(trance and other shit like that) but I just hate dancing to it. Then one of my friends who I didn't even want to hook up that much with dragged me over with her. Little did I know 10 minutes later we would be trading saliva.


----------



## Fzau

JohnIce said:


> That sounds awesome! My girl since 7 months is pretty much the opposite... she's uninterested in music, unimpressed by me playing guitar, doesn't support that side of me at all, doesn't like my friends and says she wants my family to be more social with her because all her past boyfriend's families have been  Yet despite all that, we seem to keep it together


 
It's because you're not metal anymore


----------



## cypher858

ive been kinda free as of late... im 17 so its hard to find a real relationship anyway... most of the girls are just interested in their high school drama... my girlfriend of about a year left me about six months ago and im still not over that at all so im staying out of real relationships and just trying to enjoy myself as much as possible while im still in my hometown *i leave for college in a few months*

speaking of fun... girl at my house last night ;D


----------



## metalvince333

leandroab said:


> _"JohnIce. Making you bone girls since 2009"_
> 
> 
> 
> 
> That's funny because the EXACT SAME THING happened to me when i was in the US. I shit you not. I kinda like electronic music(trance and other shit like that) but I just hate dancing to it. Then one of my friends who I didn't even want to hook up that much with dragged me over with her. Little did I know 10 minutes later we would be trading saliva.


 this is all sadly true..I was trying to get togheter with a girl for a looong time and just when I said fuck it and stopped talking to her , one day she asked me if I wanted to go downtown to check stuff out and said yes. Didnt give a shit or listen to what she was saying all day...a week later just when I had left for a 6months trip she wrote to me sayin she loved me 

The last lady I tried to get with turned out to have a girlfriend wich made me 10x more attracted to her...I had a hard time when she made it clear that nothing would happen but I ordered a guitar and everything is all better so my tip is...

Gear makes it all better man! Sell the damn tickets and get new gear!

or 

take a guy friend and go hunting in french clubs, im sure theyre hot for that damn british accent I know they are in canada


----------



## josh pelican

død;2038314 said:


> This girl wants to straighten it...


 
Maybe if you're lucky, she'll put braids or pigtails in it, too.


----------



## Konfyouzd

josh pelican said:


> Grow a set! A little blood won't hurt anyone.
> 
> I think you've got to post a picture of yourself for all to see. If you're as hideous as you make yourself out to be, I would go for anything that pays attention to ya'.
> 
> But, who knows... you may post a picture of yourself and turn half the members of this board gay, which would make the entire board gay.
> 
> (I kid, I kid)


 
You entered this world through a vag that was probably bleeding (as a result of your big ass head  )... Just sayin... It's not like you're a stranger to the concept although you don't remember it... But the same could be said if you bang a chick on the rag while drunk... DOOOOOO IIIIIIIIT...


----------



## død

Live update from the park: We're going to her place to drink more. Been talking to her all night, things are looking up for the dødmeister!


----------



## renzoip

ralphy1976 said:


> he has spoken the truth....although if it is her bed you can always use her bed rather than your towel...







I made the mistake of using my own bed and the next morning I found an unpleasant surprise. I had to get a new fucking mattress after that!!


----------



## Ironberry

Fuckin' women, how do they work?






Sorry, I couldn't resist.


----------



## leandroab

død;2038279 said:


> Haha, ok. This is me on our national day.











død;2038651 said:


> Live update from the park: We're going to her place to drink more. Been talking to her all night, things are looking up for the dødmeister!




That's why I love SS.ORG

Next is:

Live update from her house: I can't put my condom on, I'm too drunk and she's already playing with my balls. Should I finger her?


----------



## død

Live update 2: Way too drunk, might be able too sleep st her place.


----------



## død

No luck, but I am gonna go out drinking with her again, so we'll see. She did tell me that she wasn't interested in her old fuckbuddy anymore.


----------



## leandroab

død;2039090 said:


> Live update 2: Way too drunk, might be able too sleep st her place.



Exactly as I thought...




død;2039143 said:


> No luck, but I am gonna go out drinking with her again, so we'll see. She did tell me that she wasn't interested in her old fuckbuddy anymore.



_Not_ exactly as I thought...

That reminds me I really need a fuckbuddy...


----------



## Daiephir

[Useful help mode]: I can be your fuck buddy Leandro!! 




















Wait, what?  [/Useful help mode]

Seriously thought, you knew you were gonna see her, and you knew there might be possible action, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU GET HAMMERED????


----------



## scottro202

So, quick question.

There's this girl who really likes me (not sure if it's like that, but there's interest definitely). Not sure if it matters, but I'm 16, she's 18 (AOC here is 16  ). She recently broke up with her boyfriend (their going off to college in fall), so I'm gonna try to have something along the lines of a relationship with her (nothing serious, though). 

Which brings me to this, would asking for her number via Facebook or asking her out to do something via FB be a good idea? Can someone help me out here? I'm not sure if I'll get to see her in person soon without me talking to her on Facebook first (organizing it all and whatnot), so I'm kinda unsure what to do. 

Any advice?


----------



## Daiephir

I'm only 16 too, but asking anything via Facebook is never a good idea IMO, especially if it's for some time with an older/hot girl


----------



## metulkult

scottro202 said:


> So, quick question.
> 
> There's this girl who really likes me (not sure if it's like that, but there's interest definitely). Not sure if it matters, but I'm 16, she's 18 (AOC here is 16  ). She recently broke up with her boyfriend (their going off to college in fall), so I'm gonna try to have something along the lines of a relationship with her (nothing serious, though).
> 
> Which brings me to this, would asking for her number via Facebook or asking her out to do something via FB be a good idea? Can someone help me out here? I'm not sure if I'll get to see her in person soon without me talking to her on Facebook first (organizing it all and whatnot), so I'm kinda unsure what to do.
> 
> Any advice?



I ask for girls numbers over facebook all the time. No worries. Just call her every few days to see what's up.


----------



## JohnIce

scottro202 said:


> So, quick question.
> 
> There's this girl who really likes me (not sure if it's like that, but there's interest definitely). Not sure if it matters, but I'm 16, she's 18 (AOC here is 16  ). She recently broke up with her boyfriend (their going off to college in fall), so I'm gonna try to have something along the lines of a relationship with her (nothing serious, though).
> 
> Which brings me to this, would asking for her number via Facebook or asking her out to do something via FB be a good idea? Can someone help me out here? I'm not sure if I'll get to see her in person soon without me talking to her on Facebook first (organizing it all and whatnot), so I'm kinda unsure what to do.
> 
> Any advice?


 
I say talk to her spontaneously on FB, using the live chat. Say something along the lines of "Hi I'm bored, and right now I'm expecting you to do something about it."

Strike up a very casual conversation, keep it light and funny, no relationship talk (and by no I mean fucking NONE x14, can't stress this enough. No relationship talk!). You're talking to her because you're bored and she happened to be online, that's it 

If this conversation gets her laughing and having a good time, hold on for a while before contacting her again. A few days at least. If you played your cards right, she may well contact you before that even.

Then, depending on when she's sending you the proper signals, ask her out. For ice cream ot something, no dinners or that stuff, make it a short date in the middle of the day, not too far from home, so that if you at any point feel you're losing ground you can finish your ice cream and go home. The trouble with dinners and evening dates is that you put a lot of pressure on her, and it becomes an official "date" which can easily be a "bad date". Meeting up for ice cream (or coffee or anything that you can have a soft conversation over and doesn't take up a lot of time), will not be considered a "date" and thus she won't judge it as one. This takes off the pressure, and the no. 1 mistake guys always make (according to statistics even), is pushing on too much when meeting a new girl. You can look like the lovechild of Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp for all she cares, if you pressure her she'll be turned off no matter what.

If you're charming enough, she may well suggest that you do something more after finishing your ice cream. This would be golden, but only if it's her suggestion. You were the one asking her out, so if she comes expecting a brief ice cream and then it turns out you had hidden agendas to keep her around for longer, she'll again, feel pressured and tricked and it's all no good.

I understand that you're a little impatient since she's going off to college in a while, but relationships take time to build up and women are WAY more patient and testing than men are. So rushing things will only fuck things up for you.

Good luck, mate!


----------



## Herb Dorklift

BUT, if you end up having a good conversation, it'll be _really_ hard not to send her a message or something for 2 whole days!


----------



## JohnIce

Herb Dorklift said:


> BUT, if you end up having a good conversation, it'll be _really_ hard not to send her a message or something for 2 whole days!


 
Indeed it is  But that's just how it goes, unfortunately. It's nature's way of keeping impatient and clingy men from reproducing, I guess...


----------



## JohnIce

ralphy1976 said:


> is your hair for real or is that a wig...quite amazing!!!!
> 
> i think you are quite well matched!!!! keep us informed!!! and of course good luck!!!
> 
> just for my own mind, how do you say "booty call" in Swedish..do you have an equivalent?


 
We usually say "KK", which is short for "knullkompis" and means fuckbuddy 

- edit - Btw, does anyone else think we should _really_ tag this thread with NSFW by now?


----------



## leandroab

JohnIce is SS.ORG's Hitch.


----------



## ralphy1976

JohnIce said:


> We usually say "KK", which is short for "knullkompis" and means fuckbuddy
> 
> - edit - Btw, does anyone else think we should _really_ tag this thread with NSFW by now?



NAH!!!!!....damage is done already!! 

KK it is then!!!! (even google translate agrees!!!)

and thanks to google translate i also learnt this : knullkompis på John's soffa


----------



## JohnIce

leandroab said:


> JohnIce is SS.ORG's Hitch.


 


ralphy1976 said:


> knullkompis på John's soffa


 
Lulz were had on both of these


----------



## Herb Dorklift

Oh, just so you guys know, this is the chick I may take to Paris...(on left)












Does that change your advice??


----------



## MFB

Eh


----------



## Herb Dorklift

My thread got merged with this, twas aimed at those who responded


----------



## vampiregenocide

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I need to get laid.


Once that happens, and goes tits up (not the good way) I'll come back and moan about it (also not in the good way).


----------



## JohnIce

Herb Dorklift said:


> My thread got merged with this, twas aimed at those who responded


 
What she looks like isn't really relevant though... or well, it is in a way, but only in the sense that more attractive girls get even more clingy guys, aswell as generous offers, and are thus even more defensive towards it. So thinking: "If she was less hot I wouldn't bother taking her to Paris but since she's _this_ hot it's worth it!" doesn't work out.

This is the reason why the hottest girls always get together with total assholes and douchebags... because of the challenge. When 99% of the guys you meet would do anything to be with you, where's the fun? It just proves that they want you more than you want them, meaning you can do better. So don't be one of the 99% of guys who crawl and "buy" attention, impress her by being the odd one out who she actually has to work for.

My advice from last time still stands  Good luck, mate!


----------



## Herb Dorklift

Boo


----------



## JohnIce

Granted, the hot girls who hook up with douchebags generally regret it pretty soon, leading to either very short relationships or long, straining ones. So I'm not saying being a douchebag is the way to sustain a healthy relationship  I'm just saying that attraction is a balance, where the one who is less attracted makes the other one more attracted... I've read that men in general are the most attracted to their girlfriends when they're on their period, just because that's when they're the least likely to get to have sex with her... it's just the laws of attraction, you want what you can't get. Be it a girl, a Blackmachine or a Lamborghini. Or Blastoise. It's all the same principle.

This is why it's so crucial to not be "easy to get". Because it kills attraction. If you invite her to Paris at a time when she wouldn't have done the same for you... then you're already losing the attraction game.


----------



## Herb Dorklift

I fucking hate Paint


----------



## budda

"Or Blastoise"

That alone is win.

I think some of the guys here are looking for committed relationships, and others are looking for someone to have over a couple times a week. Neither is necessarily a bad thing.

I also read in a men's magazine that it is *proven* that if you don't call a girl within 48 hours of getting her number, you're just playing games and are wasting her time.

After getting a girls' number sunday night (two actually, but one of them was someone I didn't know previously) I sent a txt to see what's up. She's cute, apparently she was very into me, and really I just want more people I can spend my free time with. Hopefully she'll be not lame and be down to hang out some time this week.

sidenote: smoking hot former classmate who wants to go see "good bands" (turned down the spill canvas  but is super stoked for the holly springs disaster  uh, win???) I had a good weekend, even though I got loaded two nights in a row 

back to the main event! JohnIce playing the part of "Hitch" in ss.org's rendition of "HOW DO I GET THAT THING UNDONE AND WHY'S IT THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?"


----------



## Razorgrin

vampiregenocide said:


> I've said it before and I'll say it again, I need to get laid.


Don't we all?

Okay, maybe not, but I'm right there with you, brother.


----------



## Fzau

JohnIce said:


> Granted, the hot girls who hook up with douchebags generally regret it pretty soon, leading to either very short relationships or long, straining ones. So I'm not saying being a douchebag is the way to sustain a healthy relationship  I'm just saying that attraction is a balance, where the one who is less attracted makes the other one more attracted... I've read that men in general are the most attracted to their girlfriends when they're on their period, just because that's when they're the least likely to get to have sex with her... it's just the laws of attraction, you want what you can't get. Be it a girl, a Blackmachine or a Lamborghini. Or Blastoise. It's all the same principle.
> 
> This is why it's so crucial to not be "easy to get". Because it kills attraction. If you invite her to Paris at a time when she wouldn't have done the same for you... then you're already losing the attraction game.


 
Just how long have you been watching and reading David DeAngelo's stuff, dude? 

If only girls were as easy to acquire as Blastoise.. all you had to do is pick the middle one and train her to level 36. Just like Blastoise she could give you breakfast on bed and use hydro pump..







ok, forget that last one shall we? 





Herb Dorklift said:


> I fucking hate Paint


 
LEGEND 

EDIT: Although John has black hands?


----------



## cypher858

Herb Dorklift said:


> Oh, just so you guys know, this is the chick I may take to Paris...(on left)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Does that change your advice??




WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ON SS?!? GET OUT THERE AND GET SOME OF THAT NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!


----------



## metalvince333

Herb Dorklift said:


> Oh, just so you guys know, this is the chick I may take to Paris...(on left)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Does that change your advice??


...hum..interesting (buys a ticket to Paris to hijack Herb Dorklift's vacation)



doood she's totally hotter than hot IMO get her!


----------



## RG7

Guys...Tomorrow I promised to go on a double date with my girlfriend and her best friend along with her boyfriend. Were going to an amusement park and because of my high blood pressure and a mix of other mental social-esque concerns I'm pretty scared to go on the big rides. What the fuck do I do...
Last time I went there I was tripping balls so hard on the behemoth (wonderland) I nearly died (had a mega joint before)...


----------



## leandroab

Herb Dorklift said:


> I fucking hate Paint


HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
AHAHAHAHHA
AHAHAH

We make a great team!


Btw, using paint earns bonus points!


----------



## budda

RG7 said:


> Guys...Tomorrow I promised to go on a double date with my girlfriend and her best friend along with her boyfriend. Were going to an amusement park and because of my high blood pressure and a mix of other mental social-esque concerns I'm pretty scared to go on the big rides. What the fuck do I do...
> Last time I went there I was tripping balls so hard on the behemoth (wonderland) I nearly died (had a mega joint before)...



You don't go on the big rides. I was (and am possibly still) afraid of roller coasters. I went to wonderland two times in two weeks one summer, I went on the two rides that don't throw you upside down or hurl you straight at the ground. People chirped me but y'know what? I'm afraid of heights, deal with it.

Don't go on the rides that might mess you up. Toking prior to entering the park is optional.


----------



## ralphy1976

Herb Dorklift said:


> I fucking hate Paint



fuck i got 'd...damned bloody night!!!!


----------



## renzoip

Herb Dorklift said:


> Oh, just so you guys know, this is the chick I may take to Paris...(on left)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Does that change your advice??



Ok, now I have a better understanding of why you wanna take her on that vacation! 

However, I still think you should listen to John Ice. Take a good friend of yours instead just and have a blast. I can tell you form personal experience that these big gestures can actually be counter productive at times. 

Honestly, even though she is hot and all, don't build her up too much. I think you should do your best to keep her down to earth.


----------



## budda

"Dude, don't put women on a pedestal. That's why you keep screwing things up." - my buddy Stephan. Words of wisdom.


----------



## JohnIce

Fzau said:


> Just how long have you been watching and reading David DeAngelo's stuff, dude?
> 
> If only girls were as easy to acquire as Blastoise.. all you had to do is pick the middle one and train her to level 36. Just like Blastoise she could give you breakfast on bed and use hydro pump..
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ok, forget that last one shall we?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> LEGEND
> 
> EDIT: Although John has black hands?


 
Haha well I like his stuff and his general way of thinking, but I really don't agree with his policy on "interest levels", saying that if a girl's interest level in you drops below 50% she's gone and you should toss her and find someone new. Bollocks 

I think a big difference between me and him is that he doesn't want a relationship (as he's explained here and there), whereas I'm more interested in that aspect as opposed to just casual fucking.

... and yeah I have black hands... I thought everyone had them... right?  ...it's normal, right?


----------



## JohnIce

budda said:


> I also read in a men's magazine that it is *proven* that if you don't call a girl within 48 hours of getting her number, you're just playing games and are wasting her time.


 
That's interesting! As much as there's usually quite a difference between what women say and what they mean, i.e. what they say they want and what they actually want, you're definately on thin ice if she starts thinking you're a player... not to mention hurting someone's feelings is never ok. But I think "playing games" is a bit of a strange concept, because if you're doing it right, and you do get the girl and all is well in happy-land for both of you, then what is there to complain about? Maybe the guy sat up all night studying and made every move with imacculate scientific care to ensure hooking up with this girl... but if the end result is that she's happy with him, what's the issue?  No-one's forcing her to be with the guy.

I think that if a guy would do all the "right" things without thinking about it, he'd be considered the stallion of the century, but if he actually takes a minute to review his way of interacting with women and making an effort to be more likeable, then all of a sudden he's a "player" who is "tricking" women  That to me is like saying someone who starts going to the gym to better his appearance is "tricking" you that he's in good shape. I don't get it.

I know plenty of awesome guys who have tons of friends who'd do anything for them cause they're just great in every way, but who can't get girls because they are just clueless about attraction. It's the girls' loss every bit as much as it is the guys'.


----------



## ralphy1976

somehow this is how i have always imagined John!!!


----------



## ralphy1976

Herb Dorklift said:


> Oh, just so you guys know, this is the chick I may take to Paris...(on left)



Fuck it, take her, shag her senseless, you both know why you are going to Paris, what's the big deal?

you are on the rebound, and neither of you are after a relationship, right..so?

Paris is full of turds an gays so i think being with her will do you good!!!


----------



## Herb Dorklift

Well that's the thing...

I'm _not_ taking for that reason, I don't even know if she likes me in that way. But she's fun, and if anything were to happen it'd be in Paris. She's just easier on the eyes than my guy friends, and is just as much fun!


----------



## metulkult

Is it just me, or are some girls just intimidating?
Like, I'm usually smooth enough with most girls, but this one girl I met just frickin' gets me all coiled up and makes me slip on my words.

Note to self: Stop liking girls, memorize your fucking modes.


----------



## Varcolac

metulkult said:


> Note to self: Stop liking girls, memorize your fucking modes.



Wrong approach. Play everything in harmonic minor, get girls anyway.


----------



## JohnIce

Herb Dorklift said:


> Well that's the thing...
> 
> I'm _not_ taking for that reason, I don't even know if she likes me in that way. But she's fun, and if anything were to happen it'd be in Paris. She's just easier on the eyes than my guy friends, and is just as much fun!


 
If you can honestly say you don't want to get in her pants, and you don't want anything romantic with her, and you JUST want her as a friend, cause she's fun... then by all means, go and have a blast with her in Paris  And if you're fine with her inviting three really hot french guys to your table, and bringing two of them back to your hotel room, then bring her 

I just don't want you to fool yourself into thinking you don't want her "that way" and then finding yourself heartbroken a week later... or that you bring her to Paris as a friend, then she finds out you're trying something she didn't agree to, so she has to spend the rest of the holiday trying to deal with living with an obnoxious dude who wants her, and having such a miserable time that once she finally gets back home she'll run as far away as she can from you...

Basically, as renzoip said, these grand gestures can easily backfire. The more you put into it, the higher the risk of total fail. And believe me, I'm not trying to cockblock you or keep you from getting it on with this girl, I just know from experience that these are delicate matters and you usually don't get a lot of chances.

- edit - However, keep in mind that I don't know you, nor this girl, nor the intricate details of your current relationship. I'm just guessing out of what I get from your posts. So take what you want from my advice, I may be completely clueless about a lot of important factors between you and her.


----------



## ralphy1976

no comments?...


----------



## Fzau

JohnIce said:


> I think a big difference between me and him is that he can't have a decent relationship (as he's explained here and there), whereas I'm awesome and am a master in relationships and casual fucking.


 
Fixed 



JohnIce said:


> ... and yeah I have black hands... I thought everyone had them... right?  ...it's normal, right?


 
I just checked mine, it's ok. No worries.


----------



## død

Looks like aforementioned lesbian girl might be going with me to NOFX tonight. Awesome!


----------



## Customisbetter

metulkult said:


> Is it just me, or are ALL girls just intimidating?



Yes.


----------



## leandroab

This thread should be made into a self-help book. It would sell millions. We would be rich..

I CLAIM COPYRIGHTS!


----------



## auxioluck

Herb Dorklift said:


> Oh, just so you guys know, this is the chick I may take to Paris...(on left)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Does that change your advice??



Anyone else seeing the defensive body language here?

I'll stand by John's advice.


----------



## avenger

auxioluck said:


> The hardest part now is making it last.


 


JohnIce said:


> That's interesting! As much as there's usually quite a difference between what women say and what they mean, i.e. what they say they want and what they actually want, you're definately on thin ice if she starts thinking you're a player... not to mention hurting someone's feelings is never ok. But I think "playing games" is a bit of a strange concept, because if you're doing it right, and you do get the girl and all is well in happy-land for both of you, then what is there to complain about? Maybe the guy sat up all night studying and made every move with imacculate scientific care to ensure hooking up with this girl... but if the end result is that she's happy with him, what's the issue?  No-one's forcing her to be with the guy.
> 
> I think that if a guy would do all the "right" things without thinking about it, he'd be considered the stallion of the century, but if he actually takes a minute to review his way of interacting with women and making an effort to be more likeable, then all of a sudden he's a "player" who is "tricking" women  That to me is like saying someone who starts going to the gym to better his appearance is "tricking" you that he's in good shape. I don't get it.
> 
> I know plenty of awesome guys who have tons of friends who'd do anything for them cause they're just great in every way, but who can't get girls because they are just clueless about attraction. *It's the girls' loss every bit as much as it is the guys'*.


 Thats my new motto tbh. 

I laughed and told my girl (hahah EX girl!) that I wasnt angery at her or anything but that she should consider how she will never find anyone as awesome as myself. 

I don't want to be mean or anything but its her loss. I have reconencted with tons of old friends recently and they all have told me the same thing. First after the "wtf YOU two broke up? You two seemed great together!!" comes the "I wouldn't let go of your beard for anything if we were dating!".

Ahh talk about a confidence boost! I feel great guys! Of course I miss the relationship we had but overall I feel fantastic and my guitar skills are already increasing at a great rate!


----------



## JohnIce

ralphy1976 said:


> no comments?...


 
What's up with everyone giving me black hands?


----------



## ralphy1976

you want some gloves?!!!


----------



## Herb Dorklift

auxioluck said:


> Anyone else seeing the defensive body language here?
> 
> I'll stand by John's advice.


 
How so?


----------



## MFB

leandroab said:


> This thread should be made into a self-help book. It would sell millions. We would be rich..
> 
> I CLAIM COPYRIGHTS!



"A Guide to Dating By Sevenstring Guitarists, Internet Nerds and that one Swedish Guy Everyone Loves"

The title just rolls off the tongue


----------



## ralphy1976

henrik larson?!!!!


----------



## MFB

ralphy1976 said:


> henrik larson?!!!!



I just totally misread that name and went, "No no no, it's Lance Henrikson!" not even caring about the picture  ...or the fact that Lance isn't from Sweden


----------



## MikeH

Just to interrupt the flow of things, my girl and I have been together for 14 months and are still going strong. We have our fights every now and then, but nothing that ever gets too out of hand. I'm thinking it's because of the fact that we both like very few people.


----------



## CrushingAnvil

What the hell is going on here guise?


----------



## avenger

CrushingAnvil said:


> What the hell is going on here guise?


 We come here, whine about our lovers, people tell us to smarten up, and then we play some guitar.


----------



## Tiger

leandroab said:


> I CLAIM COPYRIGHTS!



My idea  I get percentages.


----------



## auxioluck

Herb Dorklift said:


> How so?



Closed arms, body turned semi-away, head and neck pulled slightly away as well. I dunno, maybe I'm just seeing things, but she looks a little uncomfortable in that pic.

I mean, that's just my opinion. I wouldn't ever tell you or anyone else what to do with your life. Hell, I'm in a totally different country, so I don't know diddly shit about what she's like anyway.


----------



## CatPancakes

Why is this so hard? fuck playing games. if you like a girl, ask her if she wants to go out sometime, chances are, youll get her number. play it cool be yourself. if you spend time pretending to be someone else and playing games, what happens when you do act like yourself?
If a girl doesnt want you as you are, shes not worth your time.


----------



## snuif09

Varcolac said:


> Wrong approach. Play everything in harmonic minor, get girls anyway.



you read my mind hahahaha


----------



## JohnIce

CatPancakes said:


> Why is this so hard? fuck playing games. if you like a girl, ask her if she wants to go out sometime, chances are, youll get her number. play it cool be yourself. if you spend time pretending to be someone else and playing games, what happens when you do act like yourself?
> If a girl doesnt want you as you are, shes not worth your time.


 
Like I said... if a fat person decides he wants to get in shape, and starts excercising and lifting weights until he's really fit... is he not being himself then? Is he tricking people into believing he's fit, when he's actually fat?

No, he's not. If you want to make the effort to take your relationships seriously and understand the bigger picture, so that you can be more likeable and be happier with your social situation, aswell as avoid the pitfalls that can spoil a potentially great relationship, then you're not "pretending" to be someone you're not, you're just becoming who you want to be. There's a vast difference. I don't have an ESP endorsement but I want one, so if I end up working my ass off and finally getting that endorsement, am I not being "myself" just because I used to own a Schecter once?

- edit - And at your last part, "If a girl doesnt want you as you are, shes not worth your time."... relations are as much about compromising and humility as anything else. I can honestly say every girl I've been with has made me more mature and become a better person, because they _didn't_ just let me be myself. As it says in my sig, "Be yourself" is not always good advice, to most people it should be a rough guide line at best.


----------



## leandroab

Describing relationships with guitar brands. Fucking epic.


----------



## chimp_spanner

leandroab said:


> Describing relationships with guitar brands. Fucking epic.



In that case, which brand fits the bill of totally unpredictable, inconsistent, and utterly impossible to ditch?


----------



## Fzau

chimp_spanner said:


> In that case, which brand fits the bill of totally unpredictable, inconsistent, and utterly impossible to ditch?


 
Blackmachine must be attractive, right?
I mean, if Pete Graves is doing a marketing stunt covering his junk with a Blackmachine headstock who wouldn't want one?


----------



## CrushingAnvil

avenger said:


> We come here, whine about our lovers, people tell us to smarten up, and then we play some guitar.



Cool beans.

I need some vagina.

How about choo guys?


----------



## CatPancakes

JohnIce said:


> Like I said... if a fat person decides he wants to get in shape, and starts excercising and lifting weights until he's really fit... is he not being himself then? Is he tricking people into believing he's fit, when he's actually fat?
> 
> No, he's not. If you want to make the effort to take your relationships seriously and understand the bigger picture, so that you can be more likeable and be happier with your social situation, aswell as avoid the pitfalls that can spoil a potentially great relationship, then you're not "pretending" to be someone you're not, you're just becoming who you want to be. There's a vast difference. I don't have an ESP endorsement but I want one, so if I end up working my ass off and finally getting that endorsement, am I not being "myself" just because I used to own a Schecter once?
> 
> - edit - And at your last part, "If a girl doesnt want you as you are, shes not worth your time."... relations are as much about compromising and humility as anything else. I can honestly say every girl I've been with has made me more mature and become a better person, because they _didn't_ just let me be myself. As it says in my sig, "Be yourself" is not always good advice, to most people it should be a rough guide line at best.



Who wants to be a d-bag who doesnt care? theres a big difference between bettering yourself by going to the gym and not calling a girl because its part of some silly "game". Thats not even a proper argument, theyre not the same thing. However, acting like a dick to get a girl when your not a dick is the same as being fat, but saying your in shape because you go to the gym. Completely different things. Relationships are about love and understanding, not about becoming whatever your partner wants.


----------



## metulkult

CatPancakes said:


> Who wants to be a d-bag who doesnt care? theres a big difference between bettering yourself by going to the gym and not calling a girl because its part of some silly "game". Thats not even a proper argument, theyre not the same thing. However, acting like a dick to get a girl when your not a dick is the same as being fat, but saying your in shape because you go to the gym. Completely different things. Relationships are about love and understanding, not about becoming whatever your partner wants.



I don't think you understand.
It's true to once you said, once you're IN the relationship, but when your single and trying to mingle, you have to build attraction, and the best way to build attraction is, not by being a douchebag, but being mysterious, like a veil is over you, so the girl has something to fight for/try to figure out, so she will chase you. That's how attraction builds at first.


----------



## CatPancakes

metulkult said:


> I don't think you understand.
> It's true to once you said, once you're IN the relationship, but when your single and trying to mingle, you have to build attraction, and the best way to build attraction is, not by being a douchebag, but being mysterious, like a veil is over you, so the girl has something to fight for/try to figure out, so she will chase you. That's how attraction builds at first.



If your just trying to fuck a chick, yea sure, but not for actual adult relationships BTW, my girl agrees with me.


----------



## Herb Dorklift

BUY EVERYONE DRINKS 



PRETEND TO BE MILLIONAIRE


----------



## JohnIce

CatPancakes said:


> Who wants to be a d-bag who doesnt care? theres a big difference between bettering yourself by going to the gym and not calling a girl because its part of some silly "game". Thats not even a proper argument, theyre not the same thing. However, acting like a dick to get a girl when your not a dick is the same as being fat, but saying your in shape because you go to the gym. Completely different things. Relationships are about love and understanding, not about becoming whatever your partner wants.


 
I haven't told anyone to be a douchebag, nor an asshole, and I'm pretty sure I haven't said "don't call a girl in x number of days". The only thing I've said even remotely similar to that is I advised Avenger to stop the one-sided contact between him and his girl to relieve the pressure on her, because I know that pressuring a girl aswell as predictably contacting her every day so she doesn't have to make an effort is murder for a struggling relationship.

You basically said that everyone here should stop "playing games", and just be cool and be themselves, right? That's just a short and less informative version of what I've been saying all along, dude. But issues appear when you _can't_ be cool around women, and you overthink things or maybe "yourself" simply needs some work if you're going to get anywhere. Why not take a group of 20 pretty decent single men ages 15-25 (about the age of most people in this thread) in a room and let them hang for a bit, then get a group of 5 hot girls in the same room and see how many of those guys instantly freak out, get lost for words, start making bad jokes and just generally burn their bridges with these girls in minutes.

Most guys would.

No more than 5 years ago I was a hack with girls, I didn't understand anything and my friends were off getting laid while I was staring at the floor with my hands in my pockets. I had tons of guy friends, and a lot of girl friends, but nothing romantic anywhere. Then I realized that "myself" wasn't the person I wanted to be, and so I started studying relationships, hookups, body language, anything that could help me get my social life to where i wanted it. It took years to understand most of it and I'm still learning. But I got what I wanted, first of all I lost my virginity which in itself was a huge step. But now I'm also 7 months into a relationship with the most stunning, hot and generally awesome girl I've ever met. And I'm finally happy. If I'd just "been myself" all this time I'd still be sitting at mom's house getting stains on my sheets. But now "myself" is a much happier man, and a much more likeable man, thanks to long and hard work. And feel free to ask my girl if she feels "tricked" into it 

So all in all, the idea is to not "act" like someone else, but to train yourself to become a better person in the end.


----------



## Prydogga

tl;dr 

No one gets anywhere being themselves when meeting girls, fact. Knowing what to do, gets you somewhere.

Did I sum it up well?


----------



## JohnIce

Prydogga said:


> tl;dr
> 
> No one gets anywhere being themselves when meeting girls, fact. Knowing what to do, gets you somewhere.
> 
> Did I sum it up well?


 
Some people are lucky and understand these things by heart, so they can be themselves and have no problem getting a girl's attention. But yes, trying not to be clueless is how the rest of us will have to do it.


----------



## død

Brought lesbian girl home yesterday, no sex, I did definitely try, but to no avail. Apologized, she said it was allright, then she started holding around me. WTF?


----------



## ralphy1976

død;2042429 said:


> Brought lesbian girl home yesterday, no sex, I did definitely try, but to no avail. Apologized, she said it was allright, *then she started holding around me*. WTF?



you mean she stayed at your place (just you & her) after it didn't happened?


----------



## død

ralphy1976 said:


> you mean she stayed at your place (just you & her) after it didn't happened?



Yeah, she asked if she could crash at my place. She just left, actually.


----------



## Herb Dorklift

Tut tut.


----------



## ralphy1976

i think you did yourself some good to be a gent and say "yes of course"

if it was me there wouldn't be a 2nd time (just because the same could happen again)...

keep her FB account cause she might post some more bikini pics!!!


----------



## Herb Dorklift

Hmm, it's a toughie.

"Sorry, I won't sleep with you, but I can I stay here and eat your food?"

I dunno, 1st time maybe is cool, but I dunno if I'd keep doing it. Unless I was just happy with friendship.


----------



## ralphy1976

Herb Dorklift said:


> Hmm, it's a toughie.
> 
> "Sorry, I won't sleep with you, but I can I stay here and eat your food?"
> 
> I dunno, 1st time maybe is cool, but I dunno if I'd keep doing it. Unless I was just happy with friendship.



yeah, my feelings too


----------



## leandroab

død;2042429 said:


> Brought lesbian girl home yesterday, no sex, I did definitely try, but to no avail. Apologized, she said it was allright, then she started holding around me. WTF?



C'mon Jack, you can do it!


----------



## Tiger

Make sure she didnt steal anything.


----------



## Sang-Drax

JohnIce said:


> I haven't told anyone to be a douchebag, nor an asshole, and I'm pretty sure I haven't said "don't call a girl in x number of days". The only thing I've said even remotely similar to that is I advised Avenger to stop the one-sided contact between him and his girl to relieve the pressure on her, because I know that pressuring a girl aswell as predictably contacting her every day so she doesn't have to make an effort is murder for a struggling relationship.
> 
> You basically said that everyone here should stop "playing games", and just be cool and be themselves, right? That's just a short and less informative version of what I've been saying all along, dude. But issues appear when you _can't_ be cool around women, and you overthink things or maybe "yourself" simply needs some work if you're going to get anywhere. Why not take a group of 20 pretty decent single men ages 15-25 (about the age of most people in this thread) in a room and let them hang for a bit, then get a group of 5 hot girls in the same room and see how many of those guys instantly freak out, get lost for words, start making bad jokes and just generally burn their bridges with these girls in minutes.
> 
> Most guys would.
> 
> No more than 5 years ago I was a hack with girls, I didn't understand anything and my friends were off getting laid while I was staring at the floor with my hands in my pockets. I had tons of guy friends, and a lot of girl friends, but nothing romantic anywhere. Then I realized that "myself" wasn't the person I wanted to be, and so I started studying relationships, hookups, body language, anything that could help me get my social life to where i wanted it. It took years to understand most of it and I'm still learning. But I got what I wanted, first of all I lost my virginity which in itself was a huge step. But now I'm also 7 months into a relationship with the most stunning, hot and generally awesome girl I've ever met. And I'm finally happy. If I'd just "been myself" all this time I'd still be sitting at mom's house getting stains on my sheets. But now "myself" is a much happier man, and a much more likeable man, thanks to long and hard work. And feel free to ask my girl if she feels "tricked" into it
> 
> So all in all, the idea is to not "act" like someone else, but to train yourself to become a better person in the end.



This pretty much sums up what John said


----------



## død

leandroab said:


> C'mon Jack, you can do it!



That's what I'm thinking too!


----------



## Antimatter

Herb Dorklift said:


> BUY EVERYONE DRINKS
> 
> 
> 
> PRETEND TO BE MILLIONAIRE


 
GENIUS
NOTHING CAN POSSIBLY GO WRONG


----------



## rockdisciple

JohnIce said:


> I haven't told anyone to be a douchebag, nor an asshole, and I'm pretty sure I haven't said "don't call a girl in x number of days". The only thing I've said even remotely similar to that is I advised Avenger to stop the one-sided contact between him and his girl to relieve the pressure on her, because I know that pressuring a girl aswell as predictably contacting her every day so she doesn't have to make an effort is murder for a struggling relationship.
> 
> You basically said that everyone here should stop "playing games", and just be cool and be themselves, right? That's just a short and less informative version of what I've been saying all along, dude. But issues appear when you _can't_ be cool around women, and you overthink things or maybe "yourself" simply needs some work if you're going to get anywhere. Why not take a group of 20 pretty decent single men ages 15-25 (about the age of most people in this thread) in a room and let them hang for a bit, then get a group of 5 hot girls in the same room and see how many of those guys instantly freak out, get lost for words, start making bad jokes and just generally burn their bridges with these girls in minutes.
> 
> Most guys would.
> 
> No more than 5 years ago I was a hack with girls, I didn't understand anything and my friends were off getting laid while I was staring at the floor with my hands in my pockets. I had tons of guy friends, and a lot of girl friends, but nothing romantic anywhere. Then I realized that "myself" wasn't the person I wanted to be, and so I started studying relationships, hookups, body language, anything that could help me get my social life to where i wanted it. It took years to understand most of it and I'm still learning. But I got what I wanted, first of all I lost my virginity which in itself was a huge step. But now I'm also 7 months into a relationship with the most stunning, hot and generally awesome girl I've ever met. And I'm finally happy. If I'd just "been myself" all this time I'd still be sitting at mom's house getting stains on my sheets. But now "myself" is a much happier man, and a much more likeable man, thanks to long and hard work. And feel free to ask my girl if she feels "tricked" into it
> 
> So all in all, the idea is to not "act" like someone else, but to train yourself to become a better person in the end.



Well said, sir. I'm glad that it's worked out for you.


----------



## RG7

budda said:


> You don't go on the big rides. I was (and am possibly still) afraid of roller coasters. I went to wonderland two times in two weeks one summer, I went on the two rides that don't throw you upside down or hurl you straight at the ground. People chirped me but y'know what? I'm afraid of heights, deal with it.
> 
> Don't go on the rides that might mess you up. Toking prior to entering the park is optional.




update...I went on every god damn ride in the park, including behemoth twice. It wasn't scary at all, just a slight thrill but my girlfriend told me I had bloodshot red eyes from the high pressure. meh. We had an amazing time. 
lesson learnt: man the fuck up, it works.


----------



## Antimatter

It really is good advice; "Man up"
Some people just don't really take it like they should.


----------



## josh pelican

Some people just need to fingerbang bitches while they sleep.

... Maybe.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

chimp_spanner said:


> In that case, which brand fits the bill of totally unpredictable, inconsistent, and utterly impossible to ditch?


 
uh...Agile


----------



## teqnick

1. Have girl in bed
2. Say you have to check something
3. Go into another room, put a condom on
4. Come back with your pants off and say, "What's the deal"


----------



## Herb Dorklift

I went to go grab more of my stuff yesterday (Can't do it all in one go, I don't drive and I have a lot of stuff). I had to get my DVDs, of which it was hard to say who's was who's because we got them together, CDs, books and the remainder of my clothes.

I haven't tey got any of my guitar stuff (except one guitar), and I need to sort out putting the big stuff into storage until I can sell them.

Anyway, my ex's Dad gave me a really awesome coat at Christmas. It's a 70s brown leather one, really really awesome old school one, looks like Starsky and Hutch or some shit. And obviously now she wants it back. I can understand now, but at the time I was a surprised and annoyed, so I asked her for the jewellery I bought her (not that much really, one very expensive ring, a bracelet and some earrings... they're the recent ones anyways, bar the ring, that was 2.5 years ago)

About 15 mins later I felt guilty and told her I didn't want her jewellery and she could have it back. She said "that's OK, I was going to sell it anyway"  

Anyone wanna buy some jewellery?


----------



## MaxOfMetal

Never buy her anything that you wouldn't be willing to have her destroy, loose, or sell. Tis a lesson often learned the hard way. 

Sorry bro.


----------



## Herb Dorklift

I wouldn't mind if she lost it... 

But yeah, at least now I get to sell the sofa/table etc, her jewellery AND I get my deposit on the place back...AND £500 a month better off. I can buy some shit until I move out of my Dad's 

This probably belongs in the Love/Relationships thread...


----------



## leandroab

Damn Herbie..

Can I call you Herbie?


----------



## Esp Griffyn

What went wrong?


----------



## Espaul

Girls.. can't live without them, can't live with them

would be so much easier being gay


----------



## Herb Dorklift

You can all call me Herbie as my usual forum name is Herbie the Rad Dorklift 8)


----------



## Randy

My ex-girlfriend leached possessions off of me (including my dog and cat ) for months afterward. Breakups are a mighty messy thing. My condolences, Herb.


----------



## Herb Dorklift

Oh, thread title might be misleading. I didn't mean my girlfriend is getting all my stuff, I meant ex gf and me getting all my stuff content.


----------



## matty2fatty

that sucks. I once bought a girl a $400 bracelet for xmas then broke up with her on New Years. I just considered it to be a lovely parting gift and cut my losses (including the drum kit she bought me for christmas, haha).


----------



## Tiger

Theres a thread for this, man.


----------



## Herb Dorklift

Tiger said:


> Theres a thread for this, man.


 


Me said:


> This probably belongs in the Love/Relationships thread...


----------



## caparison_x

When ever you buy or give something to some one , you should give it away to that person completely, that way when you split your not held down by who owns what and why etc.
Ive been through break ups and its easier to just let everything go and move on
hope this helps


----------



## Dragonfly

Tiger said:


> Theres a thread for this, man.



Herb deserves his own thread for this 

I've read your posts from a while back too, from what I'm reading you're feeling a bit better now, am I right? 'cause that's a good thing

Also a plus that you did get (some) of your stuff back, I never got anything back from my GF  EDIT: to the guy above, yeah stuff that has really been given, she can have.. but some stuff are lying around her place (which is probably the same for Herb), and they aren't her property

Best of luck!


----------



## Herb Dorklift

Well...

Since I'm back with my Dad I decided that I'm going to use my saved money (from not paying my own rent and bills etc), the flat's deposit, money from the jewellery, and money form the sofa and table etc to buy an Axe FX etc.

Hopefully I'll have enough. I really want a white flying V too though... 

And a Macbook Pro 

Fuck it, i'll buy all 3!


----------



## Fzau

Herb Dorklift said:


> Well...
> 
> Since I'm back with my Dad I decided that I'm going to use my saved money (from not paying my own rent and bills etc), the flat's deposit, money from the jewellery, and money form the sofa and table etc to buy an Axe FX etc.
> 
> Hopefully I'll have enough. I really want a white flying V too though...
> 
> And a Macbook Pro
> 
> Fuck it, i'll buy all 3!


----------



## JohnIce

Espaul said:


> Girls.. can't live with them


 
Fix'd


----------



## Fzau

JohnIce said:


> Fix'd


 
Can you fix me some hot Swedish chicks too, bro?


----------



## leandroab

Fzau said:


> Can you fix me some hot Swedish chicks too, bro?


----------



## wannabguitarist

Long story here. I tried to shorten it but I wasn't really able too. Doubtful anyone will actually read the whole thing but I'm curious if anyone else has had a similar situation:

So I hooked up with this girl I had been pursuing for a while back in March when we were both home from school then she invited me up the following weekend to stay at her apartment (I was still on my break, she was in school). I go up to visit her and she doesn't want to do anything other than cuddle (nothing, seriously). The next morning she asks if I want to stay an extra night and I (because I'm slightly confused, and didn't want to come off as needy) say no and drive my ass back home. Over the next couple of months we go on and off between constant communication (I think this is my first mistake) and not talking at all for extended periods of time. She is also always talking about how badly she wants to come down to visit me (my school is about 500 miles from where we live and even further from the place she goes to school).

I come back home at the end of May to see my brother's high school graduation and she's also in town we decide we're gonna hangout before I fly back to southern California. We didn't really have set plans, we just talked about it and decided she would be driving me places so I could drink. On my last night in town she texts me saying we should do something after she's done with a family dinner, 30 minutes later I get a bunch of texts saying she's drunk, cold, and really wants to hangout (so I'm thinking "score!" ). I pick her up and we go to this quiet place that overlooks the town (it's pretty) because she wanted to hear me play guitar. I go to make my move and she keep turning her head away while pulling her body closer (it turns into more cuddling shit). I eventually take her back to her place where instead of just going inside she clings onto me and says she's too comfortable and doesn't want to leave (but still will not let me kiss her or invite me inside). I get tired of it, tell her I really have to go sleep, and before I leave she takes my sweatshirt because she wants to sleep in it. At this point I'm extremely confused.

2 weeks later she was talking about how she's really disappointed that she never had a chance to come visit me at school so I jokingly say "come down next weekend, I'll be down with final," and she decides to make the 500 mile trip by herself. She doesn't drive but she does buy the $180 last minute plane ticket (I would be driving her back as I was going home that weekend). First night ends with us getting sloshed at some party and bit of messing around in my bed but nothing new. We stay home the next night and just watch movies and lie in bed. I try kissing her when she's wrapped around me and she pulls away so I finally call her out on it and say "Why is it so hard for me to kiss you? Honestly all you're doing right now is just sending mixed signals and leading me on" (too harsh?). I then go downstairs, drain a large amount of vodka, and climb back in bed without giving her on contact (again, too harsh?). When we wake up the next morning she's playing with my hair and rubbing her hand up and down my neck and chest to try to find sensitive spots, then decides to make me breakfast before the painfully awkward 9 hour drive

Well last weekend she invites me to her place again for some party and then a possible trip to SF with just the 2 of us the next day. Against my best judgement I go mostly because I was still confused and thought "maybe she'll finally come through." At the party we both do our own thing, she goes and flirts with other guys which I don't have a problem with (in the end we're both single, not something to be worried about) until one of the guys comes back to the apartment with our group. They stay really flirty and a bit touchy all night until everyone goes to sleep; he ends up sleeping on the floor of the kitchen and I end up in her bed. That night/next morning was more of the usual shit so I just went home (SF trip was canceled for other reasons unrelated). She's now saying we still need to go to SF next time I visit her (which I don't plan on doing again).

While I'm over her and feel extremely stupid for pursuing a girl for that long and not being successful I'm honestly really confused by the way she was acting. Like I have no idea if I was making myself too available or if she's just crazy 

TL;DR: Crazy girl possibly playing mind-games, or stupid me making myself too available? 



JohnIce said:


> I just don't want you to fool yourself into thinking you don't want her "that way" and then finding yourself heartbroken a week later... or that you bring her to Paris as a friend, then she finds out you're trying something she didn't agree to, so she has to spend the rest of the holiday trying to deal with living with an obnoxious dude who wants her, and having such a miserable time that once she finally gets back home she'll run as far away as she can from you...
> 
> Basically, as renzoip said, these grand gestures can easily backfire. The more you put into it, the higher the risk of total fail. And believe me, I'm not trying to cockblock you or keep you from getting it on with this girl, I just know from experience that these are delicate matters and you usually don't get a lot of chances.



This is so god-damned true and I am so guilty of doing it


----------



## wannabguitarist

glassmoon0fo said:


> uh...Agile



 Perfect.


----------



## leandroab

wannabguitarist said:


> Long story here...
> 
> ... WHOOOA...
> 
> ...




Dude, really? All the cuddling, fondling with the hair an not a SINGLE kiss? I guess she burned some neurons or something because if she doesn't actually want you, she's DEFINITELY sending the wrong signals! 

if you are really frustrated with the situation (I would, you probably are) then I give you 3 options:

1- Give up. Stay "friends" and maybe someday she would actually start something. Just basically give up.

2- Give her the "so what's all this shit about" ultimatum. Again, it appears.

3- Roofies.


----------



## JohnIce

@ wannabeguitarist: I have had that problem, dude  It seems to me that she's simply not mature enough to have a relationship, but above all she probably doesn't want to, either. It's as if she tries to keep all doors open, so that in the event that she doesn't find anyone better than you, you'll already be "warmed up" when she decides she does want a relationship. You're a safe bet, more or less.

But at the same time, if another guy does come along that seems "better" than you, she doesn't want to be stuck in a relationship with you. This definately shows in the part you wrote about her flirting with other guys at that party, then finding one guy for the better part of the evening, but ending up in your bed anyway. She tried someone else, but in the end he didn't cut it, so you were still the best one available. But she still wants the opportunity to keep looking. She's simply undecided, choosy and not certain that you're worth the commitment.

I've been with girls like this, they're always trying to keep you on the backburner in a way, keeping the affectionate signals coming so that you stay interested and don't go off getting someone else before she does. However, all the girls I've been with who acted like this towards me are still single.

My experience is that you simply can't expect a relationship with a girl like this, and you'd be best off ignoring her altogether until she shows some signs of maturity. It seems you've spent enough time and money on each other that she'll be able to tell you straight whether she wants a relationship or not. But you shouldn't be the one asking  Ignore her until she comes to you, and if she doesn't, well you dodged a bullet then.


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## wannabguitarist

leandroab said:


> Dude, really? All the cuddling, fondling with the hair an not a SINGLE kiss? I guess she burned some neurons or something because if she doesn't actually want you, she's DEFINITELY sending the wrong signals!



We kissed before, it's just a little "hit-or-miss" (Agile quality control!) if it actually happens and that's pretty much as far as I can get.



leandroab said:


> if you are really frustrated with the situation (I would, you probably are) then I give you 3 options:
> 
> 1- Give up. Stay "friends" and maybe someday she would actually start something. Just basically give up.
> 
> 2- Give her the "so what's all this shit about" ultimatum. Again, it appears.
> 
> 3- Roofies.



1. That's pretty much what I've done, or am trying to do

2. If she pulls anything again I'm gonna have to do that, and I know she probably is. Almost everytime I've hungout with her around other people someone will say "that girl's really into you isn't she"? 

3. While alcohol is not a factor in any of this that may actually work, if I was JJ and didn't have any sort of moral compass



JohnIce said:


> @ wannabeguitarist: I have had that problem, dude You're a safe bet, more or less. _+other good advice_



The thing is I'm pretty sure she doesn't want a relationship, and I don't necessarily want one either because of the distance, and I assume she's been with other people over this period of time like I have (though she doesn't know that) unless she's totally asexual (which would be the easy explanation for everything). The original goal was to have some sort of fuck buddy for the summer because I would be 500 miles away from my southern California one (which doesn't exist anymore anyways) and there isn't anything to do (or that may really cute girls) in this godforsaken town. I just found out in the process that I actually really like her.

Honestly the hardest part may be straight up ignoring her as at this point I would have no problem just being friends with her and hanging out if she would stop feigning interest


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## glassmoon0fo

@wannabeguitarist, the only think i can think of right now is PULL BACK, she has all the power and all the pull in this thing and she's getting a major kick out of it. I had a girl do the exact same thing (i mean, we went on trips together, she stayed at my place, i stayed at hers, EVERYTHING a boyfriend does, except the part we actually like ), and nothing ever came of it. and dude, im not the type to follow a chick around, but i really liked this girl and she knew it, and ultimatly that was the problem. in retrospect, i should have left the entire thing alone, but its hard to do when youre being shamelessly led on and youre too hopeful to see the truth of the matter. 

now, here's the success story: another girl pulled the same damn thing a year or so later, we flirted and messed around but never got down to bussiness, and so i left the chick alone. cold. not ignored, just didnt go out of my way to please her anymore. she continued to hang around and try to make me jealous by giving other guys attention, but i really didnt give a shit. i even asked her for advice on hooking up with one of her friends, and she said "i thought you had a thing for me, to be honest" to which i said "as long as we've been flirty and sleeping in each other's bed and nothing's happened, ive resigned myself to the fact that we'll never hook up, and thats cool with me". i shit you not, the next day she came over for a little after-work get-together i had, she didnt say a word the entire time, just sat on my couch watching me talk to everyone and have a good time, and as soon as the last guest left she locked the door and stripped buck-ass naked 

women dont make sense, and the sooner we all understand that the better off we'll be


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## Peekaboo_eeeeek

wannabguitarist said:


> The thing is I'm pretty sure she doesn't want a relationship, and I don't necessarily want one either because of the distance, and I assume she's been with other people over this period of time like I have (though she doesn't know that) unless she's totally asexual (which would be the easy explanation for everything). The original goal was to have some sort of fuck buddy for the summer because I would be 500 miles away from my southern California one (which doesn't exist anymore anyways) and there isn't anything to do (or that may really cute girls) in this godforsaken town. I just found out in the process that I actually really like her.
> 
> Honestly the hardest part may be straight up ignoring her as at this point I would have no problem just being friends with her and hanging out if she would stop feigning interest



Ok....coming from a _*GIRL*_ here.... you seriously just need to be brutal and tell her straight up that she either needs to act one way or the other: friends or fuckers. By the sounds of it she's using you for closeness & contact, but she doesn't want the hassle of either a relationship or anything remotely like it (hence the no kissing). Kind of like a fuck buddy but less fucking, more cuddling...

Also...if you *really* don't like the way she keeps acting (I mean you've said she's rejected your kiss HOW many times now?!) then why do you keep going back and forth?...It swings both ways y'know 
If you're playing along, giving her the affection she wants without boundaries & then some, then she will just assume you're happy with the arrangement. Guys always bitch about chicks & say "we're not mind readers"...but neither are we! You confronted her *ONCE* about the kissing thing, but then carried on the same way as before!

If you don't like it, then stop doing it. It's really not that hard. Unless you actually don't mind the current arrangement and are just bitching coz you have a fuck buddy who won't give you kisseys lol


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## Daiephir

Woaw!! We have girls on SS.org?!? :O


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## Mexi

there are no girls on the internet!


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## wannabguitarist

Peekaboo_eeeeek said:


> Ok....coming from a _*GIRL*_ here.... you seriously just need to be brutal and tell her straight up that she either needs to act one way or the other: friends or fuckers. By the sounds of it she's using you for closeness & contact, but she doesn't want the hassle of either a relationship or anything remotely like it (hence the no kissing). Kind of like a fuck buddy but less fucking, more cuddling...
> 
> Also...if you *really* don't like the way she keeps acting (I mean you've said she's rejected your kiss HOW many times now?!) then why do you keep going back and forth?...It swings both ways y'know
> If you're playing along, giving her the affection she wants without boundaries & then some, then she will just assume you're happy with the arrangement. Guys always bitch about chicks & say "we're not mind readers"...but neither are we! You confronted her *ONCE* about the kissing thing, but then carried on the same way as before!
> 
> If you don't like it, then stop doing it. It's really not that hard. Unless you actually don't mind the current arrangement and are just bitching coz you have a fuck buddy who won't give you kisseys lol



I actually completely agree with you, and I'm totally guilty of doing all that. I just thought she was really shy at first and treated it like some sort of challenge. Whoops

So in the end I just feel stupid 



Daiephir said:


> Woaw!! We have girls on SS.org?!? :O





Mexi said:


> there are no girls on the internet!



Come on guys, is this necessary every time a girl posts?


----------



## Daiephir

wannabguitarist said:


> Come on guys, is this necessary every time a girl posts?



Why, yes, yes it is


----------



## Antimatter

wannabguitarist said:


> Come on guys, is this necessary every time a girl posts?


 
What kind of joke is that, of course it is!


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## cycloptopus

4 1/2 years. Love her, she's a wonderful person. She's loyal, fun, got's lots of great freinds, very supportive, and on and on. She's been my best freind. But when the issue of marrige comes up I shut down. I can't do it. I've been trying to do it but I just get a bunch of anxiety to the point where I can't sleep and I'm in pain all day long trying to figure out what to do. I've been lying to her for years trying to grin and bear it. It's not fair to her. I've been selfish holding on to someone so great because I don't want to lose her. It's horrible. I know it's the right thing to let her go and I'm relieved but I'm sad. I know she's better off without me, because I've turned into a liar and been neglectful. The last few months have been terrible, just up and down, and she never did anything wrong. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.


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## synrgy

cycloptopus said:


> 4 1/2 years. Love her, she's a wonderful person. She's loyal, fun, got's lots of great freinds, very supportive, and on and on. She's been my best freind.



It pretty much can't get any better than that.



cycloptopus said:


> I can't do it.



I'm shocked at this. If your opening sentence is true, there is no reason at all you shouldn't feel comfortable with it. On the other hand, if maybe you don't truly love her, or maybe she's not truly as wonderful as you're trying to convince yourself she is, blah blah blah, okay then; I get that. Otherwise? Sounds like you just fucked up, dude.

10's don't exist. We're lucky to marry a 7. It sounds like you had a 9 and let her go just because you're afraid to commit to her. Seems terribly short-sighted and foolish, to me.

Granted, I don't know you, and I don't know her, so this is just my opinion based on the information you've provided.


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## cycloptopus

I hear you man. But I've been in pain trying to do this. I may very well have fucked up. But I can't keep going on just in a terrible state of ambivalence. I can't help how I feel and as much as i tried i couldn't do it.


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## Scar Symmetry

Yeah man, what's the issue, is it settling down?

She sounds like a great girl.

Don't be a martyr... while noble, it sounds like you two are meant to be.


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## Moro

I don't believe in marriage, so I see where you're coming from. I'm sorry for your situation. Hopefully it'll turn out for the best.


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## cycloptopus

Scar Symmetry said:


> Yeah man, what's the issue, is it settling down?
> 
> She sounds like a great girl.
> 
> Don't be a martyr... while noble, it sounds like you two are meant to be.


Settling down kinda, but more I'm just not that attracted to her. She is the coolest chick ever and has made me a better person, and we get along great but I just can't get past it. I know I've done the right thing but it is terribly sad because I'm losing my best freind in the process. If we were meant to be I'm sure I wouldn't have been so confused for the last 6 months or so. Even 4 years is a long time. Everyone thinks we should have been married by now anyway, so what's been my hold up if we're meant to be?


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## troyguitar

You sound like me. I'll be at 5 years in September and am in that same confused state. (Un)fortunately I have the excuse to put things off for now because I'm still trying to finish my damn degree while working a part time job with so much debt and bills that marriage makes no sense period. But the truth is that even if that weren't the case, I'm not at all ready to do it.

Let me know when you figure it out!


----------



## Jason

Not attracted to her? Then why the fuck have you been stringing her along for 4.5 years? Asshole.


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## Jason

Marriage does change anything unless you let it.


----------



## djpharoah

Jason said:


> Not attracted to her? Then why the fuck have you been stringing her along for 4.5 years? Asshole.



I'm going to have to agree with Jason here. It's definitely a horrible thing to do to anyone especially someone you called your best friend.


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## synrgy

So it's a physical attraction issue, you mean?

That's a valid issue. That's basically what separates a best friend from a life-partner-candidate. I get that; I don't want marry somebody I don't want to have sex with.

I didn't mean to be harsh earlier, either. I just hate to see people throw away a good thing. I'm sorry for your troubles, regardless.

*edit* Jason does raise a very valid point, though.


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## ElRay

I try to stay out of these threads, but


cycloptopus said:


> ... I'm losing my best freind...


Dude, that's the person you want to marry.


cycloptopus said:


> ... so what's been my hold up if we're meant to be?


Sounds like a commitment fear/cop-out.

Too often people have a stupid view of who the person they should marry is, and miss/skip out on the best friend that they should be partnered with for the rest of their lives.

Ray


----------



## Scar Symmetry

I'm going to stick my neck out here and say I disagree with Jason.

Calling that from the information given is a very big assumption I feel.

Relationships are never simple, and I've had it happen to me before when I lost attraction in my girl and I didn't even realise it, but due to complications I couldn't break it off immediately when I realised, I had to wait until the time was right.

Cycloptopus, I understand the position you're in man.


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## cycloptopus

troyguitar said:


> You sound like me. I'll be at 5 years in September and am in that same confused state. (Un)fortunately I have the excuse to put things off for now because I'm still trying to finish my damn degree while working a part time job with so much debt and bills that marriage makes no sense period. But the truth is that even if that weren't the case, I'm not at all ready to do it.
> 
> Let me know when you figure it out!


Well, man I'd say putting it off isn't any better. It has just kept digging me deeper. I've affected her family and freinds, (who have now integrated into my freinds)((so now I will have very few freinds for a time while all this goes down)) my own family and freinds, my work and my guitar playing. The thing for me is I've been waiting for this epiphany to come to me so that I know the right answer. But there is no crystal ball, and no matter what I do there is pain. But I've been in pain for so long trying to "do the right thing" that now I'm just relieved to have done what my gut has been telling me to do. I haven't had the courage to tell her how I feel and so I've just compounded the lies to the point where I don't have any integrity anymore and she straight up doesn't beleive the things I say. It hasn't been fair to her and I've never been a liar like this, but because i've been trying to spare her pain I've really just transferred the pain to become mistrust for me. Bad all around. 

But believe me it's been the hardest thing for me to do and so until you are ready, you're not ready. Good luck and I hope the best for you. i wouldn't wish this kind of thing on anyone.


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## Jason

Scar Symmetry said:


> I'm going to stick my neck out here and say I disagree with Jason.
> 
> Calling that from the information given is a very big assumption I feel.
> 
> Relationships are never simple, and I've had it happen to me before when I lost attraction in my girl and I didn't even realise it, but due to complications I couldn't break it off when I immediately realised, I had to wait until the time was right.
> 
> Cycloptopus, I understand the position you're in man.



Its never "easy" to do the right thing. Its always easier to just glide along.


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## Scar Symmetry

Jason said:


> Its never "easy" to do the right thing. Its always easier to just glide along.



Didn't say it was, what I'm saying is that sometimes breaking it off isn't always the "right" thing to do, sometimes the "right" thing to do is to bite your tongue and wait until they are in a better position mentally before delivering them the blow of dumping them.

Shit, it happened to me recently and I appreciate her for doing it because had she done it sooner, I would've been a mess rather than picking myself up and getting on with my life.


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## cycloptopus

Fair comments all around, including Jason. I've been an asshole because I was trying not to be an asshole. Stringing her along is not what I meant to do. I think i was trying to make it work but I just couldnt get past it. I too believe you should be with a Best Friend. And believe me, she is a pretty girl, but the sexual attraction was not as powerful as some other girlfreinds I've had before and maybe I've been comparing it unfairly. Either way it has been the toughest thing ever.


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## Jason

I dunno. If the physicall thing is the only hang up. Dont know what to tell you. Would you rather spend the rest of your life having sex with a women who drives you bat shit insane but is "hot"? 

Let me know how that works out. Also what did she say when you broke up with her?


----------



## cycloptopus

Jason said:


> I dunno. If the physicall thing is the only hang up. Dont know what to tell you. Would you rather spend the rest of your life having sex with a women who drives you bat shit insane but is "hot"?
> 
> Let me know how that works out. Also what did she say when you broke up with her?


It might work out terribly man. I can't help how I feel and I may wind up all messed up, but it won't be worse than how I've felt for the last 5 months.

As far as what she said when we broke up, it's been on and off for the last 5 months. So we've gone on this ride a couple of times already. She wants to erase me from her memory and have a nice life. I doubt we'll ever be freinds again and that hurts the most


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## Jason

cycloptopus said:


> It might work out terribly man. I can't help how I feel and I may wind up all messed up, but it won't be worse than how I've felt for the last 5 months.
> 
> As far as what she said when we broke up, it's been on and off for the last 5 months. So we've gone on this ride a couple of times already. She wants to erase me from her memory and have a nice life. I doubt we'll ever be freinds again and that hurts the most



Can you blame her? You have been an ass for the past few months you said.

Also PLEASE its FRIENDS not FREINDS


----------



## avenger

Yeah I am back for the updates.

So far I have been doing pretty good as single. Actually I have been loving it! I of course miss being with my ex but its what she wanted so if she is happy all the power to her... right?

A little back story here. We are going to maiden this saturday. My buddy, the ex, and I. It was a little awkward at first as I expected it to be and there was some odd tension when on the train ride there ex was ont he phone texting some guy she "had taken a liking to" the whole time. I called her out on it and told her I didn't care if she liked some guy or whatever but I thought it was rude not being part of the group.

Anyhow show starts we are drinking things are going alot better. We share a few hugs after awesome songs, dance and jig during dance of death and had a great time.

Leaving I start talking to some attractive ladies they hang out with me as I walked up ahead abit to begin conversation with them. So I end up getting the numbers and all that jazz. The ex gets PISSED. I tell her she is being stupid because A) I am single (her plan) and B) she did the same thing the whole trian ride there. So she said she was really sorry abit later about the whole thing and told me I was right. Win.

We get back to my place and crash. In the morning I am kinda cuddling her abit in bed and end up feeling her up abit (alot) and she seemed to enjoy this interaction. Then she got all pissy and left. lol. I kinda felt bad because we are just friends so we talked and set some better lines. Cool.

Last night she calls me and I know something is up but she wont tell me when I ask her. So I drag it on until she tells me "that guy asked me out and I said yes". I am like okay? Then the floodgates open. She starts going on about how she is sorry and misses me and doesnt know if she made the right desicion and is sorry for even telling me about this date and shit. So I tell her look this is what you wanted, YOU said you wanted to be single to find some validation within yourself or something. I tell her I dont care if she dates this guy but also tell her that maybe she should find what she was looking for before she runs into another relationship because if she doesnt the same shit is going to happen over and over again. 

Then I told her I refused to play anysort of up and down game with her and I would not let her try to make me jealous because it was unfair to myself. (grows balls)

So she wanted to hang out this weekend and I told her I was free Saturday and woudl do soemthing if she wanted (strictly as friends). I decided lets go to the beach... mmmmm womens at the beach.

SO pretty much everyday im hustlin... and I have no clue what this girl wants but I told her I refused to play games with her. Am I doing the right thing? It feels pretty damn good apart from missing one of my best friends at times (her).


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## cycloptopus

Alright man you made your point, I'm an asshole, I get it.



Jason said:


> having sex with a women


 
Oh and it's a "woman"...


----------



## Necris

As blunt as Jason is being he is absolutely right. I'm sorry it turned out this way for you, but it's no surprise that it did.


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## auxioluck

All I'm going to say is that, granted I didn't wait as long, I've ended a relationship for the same reason, and ended up finding someone better next time. It's still difficult. I'm sorry you're having to go through it, the confusion is never an easy thing, especially when you care so much about the person.

At this point, don't dwell on it, because it sounds like she isn't. Just take some time to really figure out where your head is at with everything before seriously looking for another relationship.


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## auxioluck

I say win. You have to live your life for you man. She obviously wasn't upset when she had the control. Now that she doesn't and you're chatting up other girls, she's "realized" her mistake. 

Good call on not playing games. If you really are what she wants, let her prove it to YOU.


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## Peekaboo_eeeeek

Deffo good call. 

Girls have an irritating way of deciding they want something as soon as they realise they can't have it anymore...lol. And that applies to shoes, clothes, dinner, jewellery & men...EVERYTHING really  (yes I generalise, but I'm a girl!! Besides...it's true...)

As long as you don't: A) give in to her any time soon - try to go right back to the start - hang out as friends first,feel each other out again, and THEN if you both want it, try relationship type crap.
B) Do *NOT* fall into the fuck-buddy trap. Because once you get pulled into that one, there is no hope of EITHER a good, healthy relationship OR a decent friendship.
C) Don't fall for any waterworks either. That's a girl's Ace. Can't get your own way + cry = guy doing whatever you want/ WIN.


----------



## avenger

Peekaboo_eeeeek said:


> Deffo good call.
> 
> Girls have an irritating way of deciding they want something as soon as they realise they can't have it anymore...lol. And that applies to shoes, clothes, dinner, jewellery & men...EVERYTHING really  (yes I generalise, but I'm a girl!! Besides...it's true...)
> 
> As long as you don't: A) give in to her any time soon - try to go right back to the start - hang out as friends first,feel each other out again, and THEN if you both want it, try relationship type crap.
> B) Do *NOT* fall into the fuck-buddy trap. Because once you get pulled into that one, there is no hope of EITHER a good, healthy relationship OR a decent friendship.
> C) Don't fall for any waterworks either. That's a girl's Ace. Can't get your own way + cry = guy doing whatever you want/ WIN.



Yeah the waterworks I have seen so many times I just wait it out until we can actually talk. I do not want to be fuck buddies for sure. Not really my style, lame and all, I like the relationship.


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## leftyguitarjoe

You can stay with her without getting married.

I'm never getting married.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

k guys, i have a pretty legit issue that i would appreciate some "expert"  advice on haha.

so, my girlfriend of five years is pretty awesome. i mean, you couldnt ask for more from a girlfriend, she is completely supportive of all my endevors, gets along great with my fam, cooks and cleans out of habit (she is Susie Homemaker herself, i swear), and in general is a goofball. we've had some great times together, which goes without saying because otherwise i wouldnt have stayed with her for so long. but here is my issue....

i started dating this girl my freshman year of college, when i should have been getting all the wild and crazy shit out of my system. I never would have thought that we'd have made it this long when i started out, but i got really attached and so did she. anyway, i dated her all throughout college and now that we've graduated and moved in together, im starting to really feel that maybe ive made a mistake. the problem is, she no longer intellectually stimulates me anymore...we dont have interesting conversations and she has nothing to say to me that i didnt know was going to come out of her mouth before she did. she lives and dies for me, and because of it she has no other friends (doesnt have the best of times with my friends either), has no hobbies of her own, and in general is pretty boring to me now. on top of that, i go to the gym all the time to stay looking good, and she eats twice as much as i do and NEVER makes an attempt to stay in any kind of shape, and thus im not really feeling how she's going to look in a few short years. couple that with the fact that sex is almost routine, and you have me looking for a way out.

now, i LOVE this girl, and i dont want to hurt her, but im just not so sure that i cant do better. i mean, i could do without the cooking and cleaning if it meant i could find someone who could match wits with me every now and then. 

guys, the point is, im not sure why im feeling this way, if its normal, or if i already know what i have to do and just dont want to go through with it. if anyone has any experience with this kind of thing it'd be most appreciated to float me some words of wisdom.


----------



## Randy

Two year anniversary for Amanda and I. Relevant because we met eachother on here.


----------



## Cabinet

Randy said:


> Two year anniversary for Amanda and I. Relevant because we met eachother on here.


Lucky
I haven't met a girl that takes guitar very seriously, hell I haven't met one with a personality I can tolerate, let alone fall in love with. But I just graduated from high school so I'm hoping the general attitudes of girls will change.


----------



## Peekaboo_eeeeek

glassmoon0fo said:


> k guys, i have a pretty legit issue that i would appreciate some "expert"  advice on haha.
> 
> so, my girlfriend of five years is pretty awesome. i mean, you couldnt ask for more from a girlfriend, she is completely supportive of all my endevors, gets along great with my fam, cooks and cleans out of habit (she is Susie Homemaker herself, i swear), and in general is a goofball. we've had some great times together, which goes without saying because otherwise i wouldnt have stayed with her for so long. but here is my issue....
> 
> i started dating this girl my freshman year of college, when i should have been getting all the wild and crazy shit out of my system. I never would have thought that we'd have made it this long when i started out, but i got really attached and so did she. anyway, i dated her all throughout college and now that we've graduated and moved in together, im starting to really feel that maybe ive made a mistake. the problem is, she no longer intellectually stimulates me anymore...we dont have interesting conversations and she has nothing to say to me that i didnt know was going to come out of her mouth before she did. she lives and dies for me, and because of it she has no other friends (doesnt have the best of times with my friends either), has no hobbies of her own, and in general is pretty boring to me now. on top of that, i go to the gym all the time to stay looking good, and she eats twice as much as i do and NEVER makes an attempt to stay in any kind of shape, and thus im not really feeling how she's going to look in a few short years. couple that with the fact that sex is almost routine, and you have me looking for a way out.
> 
> now, i LOVE this girl, and i dont want to hurt her, but im just not so sure that i cant do better. i mean, i could do without the cooking and cleaning if it meant i could find someone who could match wits with me every now and then.
> 
> guys, the point is, im not sure why im feeling this way, if its normal, or if i already know what i have to do and just dont want to go through with it. if anyone has any experience with this kind of thing it'd be most appreciated to float me some words of wisdom.



Hey hun/dude. I feel your pain - from bothes sides of the story lol. 
I hate to tell you this, coz from the look fo your pst, you already know it but don't have the guts to do it - but the answer is really simple: _*TALK TO HER ABOUT IT*_!!!!

What is the good in coming on here to moan about it & ask for advice, when you have made no attempt to talk to her about any of the way you're feeling?! COz having had a bf of 5 YEARS - there is nothing worse than a guy who hass issues with the relationship but won't say anything about it!

You can hardly think things will just "magically" get better if you stay silent, play pretend that you're still deeply into her...because I assure you NO-ONE is strong enough to go on with a relationship like that & not go wandering. And that does no-one any good at all.
...Also...don't try to talk yourself out of going to talk to her by thinking "I don't want to hurt her", coz what's worse:
A) be honest, tell her your concerns - worst comes to worst, it doesn't work out still but she respects you for being honest.... or B) Pretend that everything is ok, talk yourself into finding her appealing still, end up cracking & chasing someone else, you break up and to her & everyone who knows you both, you come out looking like the superficial douchebag who cheats...???

I'm not saying she won't be upset - even if she doesn't show it, she will be. Coz us chicks are kinda delicate when it comes to looks (whether they admit it or not tis true) - and hearing the words _"I'm not into the way you look now" _ hurts like hell. But after the initial shock, she will either wanna continue the talk a little bit, so prepare to be really open & honest - maybe even offer to do less threatening exercise with her (like swimming/bike-riding together - just you 2)/ or she will silently create a plan in her head... or she will feel overwhelmed & not want to be with you anymore. The latter will prob only happen though if she is more confident with herself more now than when you met.

So....go do that, and then let us know


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^ great post. i know exactly what you mean, and I have talked to her about the exercise thing and i always approach it with tact. to me, tact is fucking paramount in this kind of conversation, but how the hell do you tell a girl that you arent intellectually attracted to her, and the physical attraction is starting to slip too, when she lives with you and is planning on building a life with you? i agree %100 that its best to let her know before we both end up in an unfavorable situation, i just dont know how to come at her about it.


----------



## Randy

Cabinet said:


> Lucky
> I haven't met a girl that takes guitar very seriously, hell I haven't met one with a personality I can tolerate, let alone fall in love with. But I just graduated from high school so I'm hoping the general attitudes of girls will change.



I appreciate your words, kind sir. 

Things definitely get easier outside of high school, although, some people (women included) just use college as an extension of high school and thus... an excuse to continue being immature. I'll say this... it sounds corny but it's true; the right kinda women are out there and patience will pay off. 

It stands to reason that I met the girl of my dreams on a forum about sevenstring guitars. Keep your eyes open in settings that appeal to you and you'll meet like minded chicks.


----------



## matty2fatty

I was in the very same boat, it was about 6 years or so. I broke it off cause I wasn't feeling it anymore for a few reasons.

It sucked for a bit, but it was definitely the best decision I've made. And, in my experience you can't be friends, just doesn't work.


----------



## Daemoniac

Randy said:


> Two year anniversary for Amanda and I. Relevant because we met eachother on here.



 Congrats  Me and Ash have our 6 year anniversary on New Years eve this year


----------



## Razorgrin

leftyguitarjoe said:


> You can stay with her without getting married.


She may not agree with you.


----------



## leandroab

cycloptopus said:


> Oh and it's a "woman"...




TING!


----------



## Randy

Thank you very much, and congrats! She should be given a medal for putting up with you that long.


----------



## Daemoniac

I'm slowly but surely nerdifying her. I'm planning on showing her how to play 40k this weekend


----------



## Peekaboo_eeeeek

glassmoon0fo said:


> ^ great post. i know exactly what you mean, and I have talked to her about the exercise thing and i always approach it with tact. to me, tact is fucking paramount in this kind of conversation, but how the hell do you tell a girl that you arent intellectually attracted to her, and the physical attraction is starting to slip too, when she lives with you and is planning on building a life with you? i agree %100 that its best to let her know before we both end up in an unfavorable situation, i just dont know how to come at her about it.



LoL...there ISN'T an easy way of telling her. That's my point. She's going to feel hurt regardlessof how much you cherry coat it, because let's face it - no-one likes to be told someone doesn't find them attractive. But if you sit her down, let her know you want to tell her about some things that have been weighing on your mind, and quietly just talk through what you feel, she will at least respect the fact you've been honest about it...and I think that that is the best you can really hope for.

I have to ask though - if you're not attracted to her intellectually, why were you with her so long to begin with? I mean, someone doesn't just suddenly become less interesting over night - you must have found something about her that appealed to you to begin with, otherwise you wouldn't have stayed with her for - 2 years was it?? OR you never found her intellectually interesting, you just thought she was hot, dated for no other reason, and it all got carried away & before you knew it you were stuck in a 2 year relationship with someone you're not actually that into, and now you wish you'd done things differently. (And I say that having been stuck in a 5year relationship with a guy who had the brain capacity of a brick ...[and that's insulting to the brick]...and ended up regretting it)

Either way - you quite simply need to suck it up & tell her. Yes, tact IS important - but only to an extent. It's more important to actually get across that this is an ISSUE and not something you wanna bring up just so nothing gets done about it.


----------



## Tiger

We are highly compatible, except we have a very hard time sleeping in the same bed together. : /

Im the worlds lightest sleeper and its very hard for me to fall asleep, she moves around a lot and hardly sleeps any anyway. But sometimes we do something magical and we sleep like rocks all night, but we havent been able to figure out what the trick is.


----------



## Daggorath

I'm very lucky to have a girl that understands me and stimulates me. She's definitely a positive influence on me; sometimes I need a kick to actually do something. Been with her for fair time now, and been living together for almost a year now. Yeah she annoys me at times, and I'm sure I annoy her - but that doesn't make the relationship any less awesome. We both help each other at times when we really need someone to push us forward.

I am yet to meet a girl with the amount of wit and intelligence as her. She's a classically trained musician from a working class background, and she's anything but snobbish/elitist about it. She originally got me into Meshuggah in a big way xD


----------



## Peekaboo_eeeeek

Tiger said:


> We are highly compatible, except we have a very hard time sleeping in the same bed together. : /
> 
> Im the worlds lightest sleeper and its very hard for me to fall asleep, she moves around a lot and hardly sleeps any anyway. But sometimes we do something magical and we sleep like rocks all night, but we havent been able to figure out what the trick is.



Haha!! Sounds just like my bf and I (I have woken up many times to find him either back through in the front room coz he couldn't sleep,or still in bed but with ALL the covers bundled around him & his knees up in the air)

Only advice I can think of is maybe incense/scented candles that could help you fall asleep easier. But mainly you just need to ride it out - eventually you'll get used to each other's sleeping pattern/arrangement and YOU will become less of a light sleeper, and SHE will prob stop fidgeting as much. 

If all else fails....twin bed!! :grin:


----------



## MFB

Tiger said:


> *pic of Tiger and lady-friend*
> 
> We are highly compatible, except we have a very hard time sleeping in the same bed together. : /
> 
> Im the worlds lightest sleeper and its very hard for me to fall asleep, she moves around a lot and hardly sleeps any anyway. But sometimes we do something magical and we sleep like rocks all night, but we havent been able to figure out what the trick is.



Wait, weren't you dating some hot, black, divorced chick or something? I see what appears to be definitely NOT the former and probably not the latter either. You got some 'splainin to do!


----------



## Sang-Drax

Sometimes it's hard to tell if you actually love the person or if you just really really like her. Though I have no experience in the subject, I've seen your situation occur time and again with other couples.

Besides, I do have experience in lying to myself - have done it for more than a decade. It's plausible to convince yourself that you do love someone just because she is an amazing person.

And I agree with Scar Symmetry on every account.


----------



## Fzau

Tiger said:


> We are highly compatible, except we have a very hard time sleeping in the same bed together. : /
> 
> Im the worlds lightest sleeper and its very hard for me to fall asleep, she moves around a lot and hardly sleeps any anyway. But sometimes we do something magical and we sleep like rocks all night, but we havent been able to figure out what the trick is.


 
Yet another use for chloroform 
I kid, I kid


----------



## Tiger

MFB said:


> Wait, weren't you dating some hot, black, divorced chick or something? I see what appears to be definitely NOT the former and probably not the latter either. You got some 'splainin to do!



Black chick was way last year, married chick got her divorce a while ago, thats her. She has a wickedly amazing ass.


----------



## MFB

Ah, I combined the two different ladies into one it seems


----------



## espec1000

cycloptopus said:


> Alright man you made your point, I'm an asshole, I get it.
> 
> 
> 
> Oh and it's a "woman"...


 


As if you're not already having a bad time. Hope you feel better dude.


----------



## Tiger

That'd be cool.


----------



## Marv Attaxx

I'd be so happy to find someone you described 
Tough situation though...
Kinda noble that you wanna let her go so that she'll have a better life than the life you could give her.
But this:


synrgy said:


> 10's don't exist. We're lucky to marry a 7. It sounds like you had a 9 and let her go just because you're afraid to commit to her.


Never had a relationship that lasted as long as yours. Never experienced a relationship that sounds as good as yours.
Maybe it's good for both of you to have a time-out. I hope for you that you may find back to each other 
Either you'll realize that you really let go the person you want to share the rest of your life with and try to fight her back or you won't and let her move on


----------



## leandroab

Yeah I remember divorced chick...
First time I see a pic of her FACE though..


----------



## Mr Violence

I bailed after 4 years on a relationship when I was 22. She's a great girl, we just had too few high points and a lot of lows and I was in this confused state a lot of the time.

I'm now in a relationship with a girl that any arguments are diffused very quickly, we get along, we have fun together, she isn't jealous or controlling. She's over there on the left under my name . There are a couple of those physical issues we're working through but I think my bottom line is that there is always someone else.

There's always someone that will fit what you need. I don't think anyone can stop being confused about it or stop themselves from having doubts now and again. Just compare how good it is and how often to how bad it can be and how often.

Good luck. And you're not an asshole. Sometimes it's hard to sort those thoughts out. You care about her and you screwed up by going about fixing it the wrong way, but you didn't want to hurt her. You're not an asshole.


----------



## Konfyouzd

cycloptopus said:


> 4 1/2 years. Love her, she's a wonderful person. She's loyal, fun, got's lots of great freinds, very supportive, and on and on. She's been my best freind. But when the issue of marrige comes up I shut down. I can't do it. I've been trying to do it but I just get a bunch of anxiety to the point where I can't sleep and I'm in pain all day long trying to figure out what to do. I've been lying to her for years trying to grin and bear it. It's not fair to her. I've been selfish holding on to someone so great because I don't want to lose her. It's horrible. I know it's the right thing to let her go and I'm relieved but I'm sad. I know she's better off without me, because I've turned into a liar and been neglectful. The last few months have been terrible, just up and down, and she never did anything wrong. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.


 
I mean honestly, I don't see where marriage really *means* anything.

Will you love her any more if you do marry her? Will you love her any less if you don't? I understand that it's something that might be really important to her--it is to a lot of ppl.

Are you saying that you've never even discussed how the two of you feel about the situation? You've just been lying and avoiding it? You may find that if you talk to her about it she can live with the idea of not being married so long as the two of you can be happy together. Then again it may actually mean a lot to her and she may not be willing to deal w/ being together if you don't decide to marry her.

If you haven't had this talk already I say you should. It couldn't turn out any worse than things already are.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

damn, seems like alot of people are going through this kind of thing lately. i chalk it up to the fact that the ideals people have about love and relationships were forged hundreds of years ago when people lived and died 15 miles from where they were born. in a situation like that, sure you will probably only meet one person who fulfills your needs best, but in today's world i could meet someone more beautiful, interesting, and/or fun than the last EVERY WEEK. i wish that social ideals on acceptable relationships changed as completely as the rest of the world already has, but this is not the case. 

nontheless, im in the EXACT situation you described, and its eating me up. to be 100% honest, the girl im with is gorgeous, ive just gotten tired of sleeping with the same person. call it what you want, but thats how i feel and i suspect many of you out there have experienced the same. what i'll have to weigh it against, is the fact that no one on this planet knows me the way she does, and if the world ended tomorrow theres no one i'd rather have beside me, and that is the deciding factor for me.

btw, im surprised no one has mentioned that this shoud proly go in the "love and relationships" thread


----------



## scottro202

Mr Violence said:


> She's over there on the left under my name .



 

I'm gonna have to +rep you just for getting together with THAT 

And, I don't really have anything to contribute to the thread except don't beat yourself up over it. There's always more fish in the sea, right?


----------



## tekkadon d

like konfysed said talking. im only young and dont feel its my place to say but i went out with a girl for a couple months and she broke it off i still have no idea why but we never talked about our relationship, half a year later we got back together and hit our one year yesterday, and we fight and junk but the fight doesnt make it till the next morning cause we talk about it and know what the go is. 
but i reckon you gotta do what you gotta do, like others said this loss in the long run could be a gain.


----------



## budda

I'd like to say one thing:

*There is never going to be the "right time", stop kidding yourselves.*

I feel for the OP: he just ended a very important relationship with someone he cares very much about. Relationships of any type that are important hurt when they end. We do not know if this ending is permanent or not, but at this point we believe it is. In all honesty, the man needs to grieve.

I'm still trying to figure out if I'm lying to myself about someone or not, it's a long process.

I'm not going to give any cliche references about moving on, fuck 'em. You do what you need to do, and if you need support feel free to shoot me a PM.


----------



## GinoBambino54

IF your not "feeling" it than your not. Similar situation with my and this girl, but she was diggin on me a little to hard and even though i wanted to wait it out and see if we could evolve i just couldn't do it. and it sux being that guy, but you cant lead people on.

So really man, you cant be upset if she does not want to be friends.


----------



## pink freud

Is this thread at a point where I can say that the thread title made me cringe?


----------



## leandroab

I hate clubbing but that's all my friends do and I don't know how to approach women.
GO!

(intentional run-on sentence is intentional)


----------



## Fzau

leandroab said:


> I hate clubbing but that's all my friends do and I don't know how to approach women.
> GO!
> 
> (intentional run-on sentence is intentional)


 
First of all, start enjoying clubbing. 
If woman see you're having a great time, you're more likely to be found attractive. 

I almost only pick up girls in clubs actually, either there or at concerts. 
There's usually a LOT of body language going on first too.


----------



## leandroab

Fzau said:


> First of all, start enjoying clubbing.
> If woman see you're having a great time, you're more likely to be found attractive.
> 
> I almost only pick up girls in clubs actually, either there or at concerts.
> There's usually a LOT of body language going on first too.



Hahaha. I get all the body language for sure. The problem is to get things started lol...
I'm a very serious and straight forward person. I'm not the master of the "bla bla bla"s. It's my nature to just go straight to the point. And that is not good hahaha.


----------



## Fzau

leandroab said:


> Hahaha. I get all the body language for sure. The problem is to get things started lol...
> I'm a very serious and straight forward person. I'm not the master of the "bla bla bla"s. It's my nature to just go straight to the point. And that is not good hahaha.


 
Just going "Hey, you're cute! Wanna have sex?" could work, but it's probably not the best way to handle things 

Things is, you can actually start flirting etc just by using body language, no words involved at the beginning.
Keep an eye on her and see if she's looking at you. If she is, look at her (she'll probably look away). If she does it again, the game can commence 
It's cool how mere eye contact can do a lot when it comes to attraction. You can reverse the roles too of course.
Then, tacticly position yourself on the dancefloor and SLOWLY move closer and closer, very subtle. Almost like it wasn't your intention from the start. 
Sometimes you can kiss her without even talking at all!
That's just one possible way of course.

But always try to be spontaneous in a conversation


----------



## budda




----------



## Konfyouzd

pink freud said:


> Is this thread at a point where I can say that the thread title made me cringe?


 
Oh dear lord...


----------



## leandroab

Fzau said:


> Then, tacticly position yourself on the dancefloor and SLOWLY move closer and closer, very subtle.


 



Fzau said:


> But always try to be spontaneous in a conversation



That's my problem.. Ahahaha


----------



## JohnIce

budda said:


> I'd like to say one thing:
> 
> *There is never going to be the "right time", stop kidding yourselves.*
> 
> I feel for the OP: he just ended a very important relationship with someone he cares very much about. Relationships of any type that are important hurt when they end. We do not know if this ending is permanent or not, but at this point we believe it is. In all honesty, the man needs to grieve.
> 
> I'm still trying to figure out if I'm lying to myself about someone or not, it's a long process.
> 
> I'm not going to give any cliche references about moving on, fuck 'em. You do what you need to do, and if you need support feel free to shoot me a PM.


 
Wise words, as always  I was actually very close to breaking up with my girl today, and have been several times before, she's wanted to break up with me at times, yet here we are still together. There are just too many reasons to stay together, that's what it boils down to.


----------



## Fzau

leandroab said:


> That's my problem.. Ahahaha


 
Not the most flirty of chaps, are we? 

(Some funny, cocky comments are great too)


----------



## budda

JohnIce said:


> Wise words, as always  I was actually very close to breaking up with my girl today, and have been several times before, she's wanted to break up with me at times, yet here we are still together. There are just too many reasons to stay together, that's what it boils down to.



I had a long talk with my ex last night about being single, what we both want in the future, why we still talk etc. I wish I had saved the convo, I normally save long talks with friends just in case I want to re-cap what was said later.

Life is confusing.. can only try to make the best of it. I'm trying to focus on being the me I want to be, but it's difficult when some of it goes against logical ideas because I'm tired of waiting for the change..

but that's not love and relationships. BRING ON THE DRAMA.


----------



## leandroab

Fzau said:


> Not the most flirty of chaps, are we?



No! 

I guess I need to buy a manual or something ahhahaa


----------



## renzoip

leandroab said:


> Hahaha. I get all the body language for sure. The problem is to get things started lol...
> I'm a very serious and straight forward person. I'm not the master of the "bla bla bla"s. It's my nature to just go straight to the point. And that is not good hahaha.



Well, from my experience I can tell you that in often in these cases, less is more. In fact, I would say that is more about saying fewer more interesting things rather than running your mouth. Let her do the blah blah blah, they love that!


----------



## metulkult

So, a girl I've liked for a very long time, finally said to me that she liked me back and wants to have a relationship. But now that I've thought of it, having a relationship right now would be for the worst for me right now. 
I have very little time for music now, with work and other things, and most of my money doesn't go to gear anymore nowadays. I figure a girlfriend would make me neglect music even more right now.
So I said I wasn't interested anymore. Call my crazy, but sex can't substitute my original love for music, especially now that I have little time for it, and I can spend my time not being clinging on to one person, as I'm still quite young 

Smart decision?


----------



## avenger

metulkult said:


> So, a girl I've liked for a very long time, finally said to me that she liked me back and wants to have a relationship. But now that I've thought of it, having a relationship right now would be for the worst for me right now.
> I have very little time for music now, with work and other things, and most of my money doesn't go to gear anymore nowadays. I figure a girlfriend would make me neglect music even more right now.
> So I said I wasn't interested anymore. Call my crazy, but sex can't substitute my original love for music, especially now that I have little time for it, and I can spend my time not being clinging on to one person, as I'm still quite young
> 
> Smart decision?


 If you like jerking it I guess?


----------



## cycloptopus

budda said:


> Life is confusing.. can only try to make the best of it. I'm trying to focus on being the me I want to be, but it's difficult when some of it goes against logical ideas because I'm tired of waiting for the change..
> 
> but that's not love and relationships. BRING ON THE DRAMA.


Absolutely, man. 

People close to me keep saying I need to focus on myself. WTF does that mean exactly? I just blew up someone else's life and my own. Now everyone is reeling, people are angry/sad. Hard to focus on myself with all these thoughts. And if i wasn't selfish enough, I'm supposed to focus MORE on me? I never thought of myself as the source of so much drama but it happened. And for what? Still not sure of what I'm doing


----------



## chimp_spanner

^ It's true man. I'm experiencing this the other way around...I was telling the girl I was crazy about to think of her own feelings and do what she wanted (when it related to moving on from an ex and following her feelings for me). Totally backfired now that she's quit her job, put me in the friend zone, and wants to travel for a year to sort her head out. So I won't lie, it's rough as anything being on the other end of it. I suppose the only thing I can really take from it is firstly to avoid people that are still so much a WIP. But also that if I had have got her to pursue anything with me, it would've been under duress. And the uncertainty would've always been there.

Sorry, bit of a hijack there. Just interesting to see the other side of it. Although I don't know if she's feeling anywhere near as bad as you. Might not care, I don't know!


----------



## Prydogga

JohnIce said:


> Wise words, as always  I was actually very close to breaking up with my girl today, and have been several times before, she's wanted to break up with me at times, yet here we are still together. There are just too many reasons to stay together, that's what it boils down to.



Reason 1. Your girlfriend is freaking hot. I'm sure any who've seen would agree


----------



## Sang-Drax

metulkult said:


> So, a girl I've liked for a very long time, finally said to me that she liked me back and wants to have a relationship. But now that I've thought of it, having a relationship right now would be for the worst for me right now.
> I have very little time for music now, with work and other things, and most of my money doesn't go to gear anymore nowadays. I figure a girlfriend would make me neglect music even more right now.
> So I said I wasn't interested anymore. Call my crazy, but sex can't substitute my original love for music, especially now that I have little time for it, and I can spend my time not being clinging on to one person, as I'm still quite young
> 
> Smart decision?



Hell no. Unless you're simply not interested in her anymore.


----------



## budda

metulkult said:


> So, a girl I've liked for a very long time, finally said to me that she liked me back and wants to have a relationship. But now that I've thought of it, having a relationship right now would be for the worst for me right now.
> I have very little time for music now, with work and other things, and most of my money doesn't go to gear anymore nowadays. I figure a girlfriend would make me neglect music even more right now.
> So I said I wasn't interested anymore. Call my crazy, but sex can't substitute my original love for music, especially now that I have little time for it, and I can spend my time not being clinging on to one person, as I'm still quite young
> 
> Smart decision?



mm... in my opinion, no.

What would have made more sense (this is of course after the fact, with a clear head mind you  much easier to think things through) would be to tell her what you just told us about having spare time for music. She probably knows you well enough to the point of knowing how much you care about music and how important it is to you. Chances are you could continue to do your music thing, while being in a relationship with her.

If you get the chance to talk about that at all today (within 24 hours of your saying you're not interested) then I suggest at least giving it a shot.

PS: you're not supposed to cling to your partner.


----------



## TreWatson

I've gotten myself in a pickle.

ex girlfriend who i still love 

other ex girlfriend who i went the Friend with benefits route that i think now has feelings for me

annnnnd this younger girl i like ( she's 18 ) living in Pennsylvania. 

unfortunately none of them talk to me in a romantic context anymore, so i think i got triple friendzoned.

doesnt bother me, but it's kinda ronery.


----------



## leandroab

TreKita said:


> I've gotten myself in a pickle.
> 
> ex girlfriend who i still love
> 
> other ex girlfriend who i went the Friend with benefits route that i think now has feelings for me
> 
> annnnnd this younger girl i like ( she's 18 ) living in Pennsylvania.
> 
> unfortunately none of them talk to me in a romantic context anymore, so i think i got triple friendzoned.
> 
> doesnt bother me, but it's kinda ronery.



Holy shit son. You just got triple friendzoned!


----------



## Antimatter

leandroab said:


> Holy shit son. You just got triple friendzoned!


 Sucks man. That's like, mythically bad. ):


----------



## MFB

Antimatter said:


> Sucks man. That's like, mythically bad.



Indeed.

The friendzone is a maze so powerful and vast, not even Thessius himself could find a way out even WITH a ball of yarn


----------



## avenger

leandroab said:


> Holy shit son. You just got triple friendzoned!


 God I hate the friendzone. 

Even more bizzare is the friendzone with benifits. EVEN MORE bizzare is the friendzone with benifits with both parties still loving each other. EVEN MORE BIZZARE is the friendzone with benifits with both parties still loving each other with her family waiting me to come over to do stuff with them and her saying that she still feels like I am hers!


----------



## TreWatson

avenger said:


> God I hate the friendzone.
> 
> Even more bizzare is the friendzone with benifits. EVEN MORE bizzare is the friendzone with benifits with both parties still loving each other. EVEN MORE BIZZARE is the friendzone with benifits with both parties still loving each other with her family waiting me to come over to do stuff with them and her saying that she still feels like I am hers!


oh lawl.

 thats pretty insane, brah


----------



## Varcolac

avenger said:


> God I hate the friendzone.
> 
> Even more bizzare is the friendzone with benifits. EVEN MORE bizzare is the friendzone with benifits with both parties still loving each other. EVEN MORE BIZZARE is the friendzone with benifits with both parties still loving each other with her family waiting me to come over to do stuff with them and her saying that she still feels like I am hers!



I thought that the friendzone with benefits and both parties loving each other and their families wanting to meet the respective parties is what in English we would call "a relationship."


----------



## leandroab

Varcolac said:


> I thought that the friendzone with benefits and both parties loving each other and their families wanting to meet the respective parties is what in English we would call "a relationship."



Me too...


----------



## leandroab

leandroab said:


> Me too...



Yeah.


----------



## avenger

Varcolac said:


> I thought that the friendzone with benefits and both parties loving each other and their families wanting to meet the respective parties is what in English we would call "a relationship."


 Yeah indeed, it is a mindfuck.


----------



## Antimatter

avenger said:


> God I hate the friendzone.
> 
> Even more bizzare is the friendzone with benifits. EVEN MORE bizzare is the friendzone with benifits with both parties still loving each other. EVEN MORE BIZZARE is the friendzone with benifits with both parties still loving each other with her family waiting me to come over to do stuff with them and her saying that she still feels like I am hers!


 
Sounds like a lot of unnecessary complication D:


----------



## avenger

Antimatter said:


> Sounds like a lot of unnecessary complication D:


 Meh etheir way I am fine. 

If she thinks she can find something better well she is clearly wrong but good for her. If we come to a conclusion that forcing ourselves to not be "dating" is silly then thats cool too.


----------



## JohnIce

Alright, so I finally did break up with my girlfriend... it feels pretty relieving though, it was one of those relationships that looked good on the surface but was mostly just a bunch of emptiness, coldness and increasingly rare sex. I just felt bad a lot of the time, and we got to the point where pride and criticizing the other one became more important than love.

The only thing that makes me a bit sad is the thought of her with other guys... that's gonna suck, especially after all the shit she's thrown at me for not fulfilling all her demands etc. But on the upside I'm dying to be with girls who are more loving and respect me. "Plenty of fish in the sea" is an understatement. So she's got all the right to move on, I just don't want to know about it,.

So I'm saying cheers and best wishes to my Maria. She's up for grabs, gentlemen.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Sorry to hear that bro.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

If there was ever a woman that John couldn't handle, I think it best that mere mortals steer clear


----------



## JohnIce

JeffFromMtl said:


> If there was ever a woman that John couldn't handle, I think it best that mere mortals steer clear


 
 Haha well she's definately pretty fucking complicated, I'll give you that... but nothing you couldn't handle with a ton of patience and no spine


----------



## leandroab

JohnIce said:


> ...for not fulfilling all her demands etc...





Care to elaborate?


----------



## MFB

There's only two things on her I'd care to grab if you catch my drift


----------



## Joeywilson

MFB said:


> There's only two things on her I'd care to grab if you catch my drift



her personality and charisma?


----------



## JohnIce

Bah, I'm drunk and happy and the only two things I'd grab right now are two better women! Skååål!!


----------



## MFB

metallisuk said:


> her personality and charisma?



Since I can't put my dick in between those, no.

John, if you just read that an got a mental image - my sincerest apologies


----------



## Randy

JohnIce said:


> The only thing that makes me a bit sad is the thought of her with other guys... that's gonna suck



Ay, that's always the worst feeling. 

Hang in there, bro.


----------



## JohnIce

Randy said:


> Ay, that's always the worst feeling.
> 
> Hang in there, bro.


 
Thanks mate! But now that I think about it, I really don't think I'd care that much... after all the shit i've had to put up with, I've realized that the only things I'll miss from this relationship are the mandatory stuff that you (should) get from any relationship. None of the things that make her unique are things I'll miss  'tis an important insight, which yet again proves why working firewatch is great! When you spend 8 hours staring at concrete to make sure it doesn't catch fire, you simply can't avoid coming to good conclusions about life.


----------



## Fzau

JohnIce said:


> When you spend 8 hours staring at concrete to make sure it doesn't catch fire, you simply can't avoid coming to good conclusions about life.


 
Damn dude, I spent 4 hours looking at the sky at night and the only thing I came up with was "yeaaaah, this is good stuff" 

You can get better girls without a doubt.


----------



## budda

Best of luck, John. For me it does suck to find out about the ex doing things with someone else - I wasn't upset when I found out, I was a bit more upset a few days later when I actually gave it thought.

This weekend I finally got my friend to admit that she does need to get over me and then we can be friends again - somehow I also got some attention out of the whole deal too.. which I didn't want to do, but it's the last time for the foreseeable future and you only live once.. don't do as I do, gentlemen .

Dunno about the rest of you but I need a change of scenery.


----------



## JohnIce

Thanks dudes, it means a lot  Right now I'm just waiting for the fall when I'm moving to a bigger city with all new people and a 3 year education to really stir things up and give me some fresh air... I'm incredibly picky about girls, and getting into a relationship in the first place was a huge deal for me, as it was really a case of pretty much narrowing down every single girl within train distance until I arrived at her. Now that it turned to shit, it sucks to have only "second choices" left in this place... which is why I need to get out of here. Because I don't really want to be single at all right now, I wish I had a girlfriend, I want to feel loved and needed and to know someone always supports me, it's just that it simply wasn't going to happen with this girl so I had to break it off. So 7 months later I'm picking up where I left off, still needing the exact same things.

I've got a gig and going out this wednesday, and by God I'm fucking getting some.


----------



## leandroab

GIT SUM! YEAH YEAH!


----------



## Mason Vickers

Started school today, year round btw.
As soon as I walked on the bus this morning (damn 6 month permit hold law) I saw a girl who is physically the girl of my dreams. she had her earbuds in, so I didn't introduce myself. Got to school, first period went by. Second came (Jazz band. I play guitar obviously, and tenor sax. Huge Jazzer.) and she walked in and is apparently our new piano player. My interest sparked even more. Rest of the day went by, and on the way home our driver passed her house without stopping (two minute walk from mine, btw. she just moved here.) so I got the driver to go back around and we started talking. Seriously one of the sweetest people I've ever met, and has a killer personality. Everything went smooth, when usually I'm at least a bit awkward around girls, despite being in two fairly long relationships.

Any tips to save me from completely destroying my chances?


----------



## Arminius

^ Well, it sounds like you're doing good so far. If you can just keep that smoothness up it sounds like you may have found a pretty good match


----------



## Variant

JohnIce said:


>



 Could be the picture, but holy pretentiousness, Batman! Good looking girl, but here in The States, that's how a high-maintenance bro-hoe generally presents herself. You can't judge a book by the cover, but in my experience girls are more like CD's, which usually can be judged by the cover.  I think I'll pass.


----------



## JohnIce

Variant said:


> Could be the picture, but holy pretentiousness, Batman! Good looking girl, but here in The States, that's how a high-maintenance bro-hoe generally presents herself. You can't judge a book by the cover, but in my experience girls are more like CD's, which usually can be judged by the cover.  I think I'll pass.


 
That's not how she presents herself though, she's into a lot of photography and when there's no one around to model she'll photo herself. This one is just a one-off in between the actual stuff, such as this:






She'd be a lot less likely to post the first picture, that's more what I'd use to show people what my GF looked like... either way though, there's no denying she was highly egocentric. When I just started going out with her, she said she'd been viciously dumped by all her past boyfriends and that they'd cracked her self-esteem and cheated on her (say what you want but she is a very faithful girlfriend at least). She said she didn't know if she could trust guys anymore. So I figured I might aswell just be a cool dude, leave off the pressure and just be nice to her and let her be herself. We had an awesome first month or two, until she all of a sudden turned on me and started criticizing a bunch of stuff about my personality, which turned into correcting things I said, how I dressed, complained that my family wasn't interested in her while she in turned declined any oppurtunity I gave her to meet them, she didn't want to get to know my friends (band mates), she would shut off anytime I'd even mention anything about music (saying it was alienating her), she made no effort whatsoever to get into my life at all, I was just supposed to be her boyfriend whenever she needed one. She even went so far as to say playing guitar wasn't manly, and fucking complain that my family had horses instead of a boat or something... I mean come fucking on, she gives me shit because my sisters have horses?!

As you can see, most of the time I was just feeling bad. So I had to break it off, she was absolutely awesome at times and just last thursday she came over to my house with ice cream and cupcakes to help me study for my driving test. At that point I'd told her I wanted out and fed up with everything, and she said she felt bad and wanted to do better.

But it was too late, so yesterday we broke it off and it feels awesome to know that my self-esteem and social skills are still intact and working as they used to, getting over her will be a breeze


----------



## renzoip

Sorry to hear about what happened, dude. It did seem like you guys had a perfect relationship. I had the same situation with one of my ex's where we appeared as a perfect couple but in reality we had major issues. At lest I'm glad you are feeling good about yourself. Trust me, nothing beats that feeling of relief. 

As far as girls go, I see how you may want to have a gf but just take things easy. Hang out with your friends and let that new special someone come to you. That way when the time is right, you will want her because of who she is rather than because you want a gf. There is plenty fish in the sea and although you had a really attractive girl, I'm sure you'll find someone else that will make you happier; keep your standards high but remember looks aren't everything. 

Good luck and feel better!


----------



## Varcolac

JohnIce said:


> She even went so far as to say playing guitar wasn't manly, and fucking complain that my family had horses instead of a boat or something...


Playing guitar and riding a horse are fucking manly as hell. 

Case in point, motherfucker:




That's Wild Bill Hickock and Seth Bullock, as portrayed in Deadwood. They're manly manly men who drink whisky for breakfast, swear every second syllable, shoot outlaws in the face, play poker, and ride horses with manly aplomb. As part of a licensing agreement with HBO, any paragraph about Deadwood has to include the words "hoopleheaded cocksucker," so here they are, you hoopleheaded cocksucker.

Oh, and this guy.





Temüjin. &#268;inggis Qa&#947;an. Genghis Khan. Founder and emperor of the largest continuous land empire in world history. Ruled an area from Korea to Hungary, with an iron fist and an army of two hundred thousand horsemen. Even today, nearly eight hundred years after his death, in central and northern Asia up to EIGHT PER CENT of the population is descended from him because of the sheer awesomeness of his lineage. 

He also had a good way with words, giving us such classic (and very bloody manly) quotes as...



Genghis Khan said:


> "The greatest happiness is to scatter your enemy, to drive him before you, to see his cities reduced to ashes, to see those who love him shrouded in tears, and to gather into your bosom his wives and daughters.





Genghis Khan said:


> "It is not enough for me to succeed. All others must fail."





Genghis Khan said:


> "I am the punishment of God."



Genghis Khan was the thirteenth-century Samuel L. Jackson. The very definition of a Badass Mother Fucker. And with about 8% of Asia descended from him, he probably did fuck your mother. And you know what? He did all that shit on horseback.

And to those who say guitar ain't manly, well... a fellow could be playing a Spice Girls tune on a Hello Kitty Squire Strat, and he'd still be manlier than your dad. 



JohnIce said:


> But it was too late, so yesterday we broke it off and it feels awesome to know that my self-esteem and social skills are still intact and working as they used to, getting over her will be a breeze



Good to know. You'll be much better without her. Couldn't imagine dating someone who denied the inherent manly awesomeness of guitars and horses. Then again, I can't really imagine being with someone who didn't care about music, but she appears to have a nice rack so your mileage may vary. Now go gather to your bosom someone's wives or daughters. Preferably ones who appreciate the awesomeness of guitars and horses.


----------



## Variant

JohnIce said:


> She'd be a lot less likely to post the first picture, that's more what I'd use to show people what my GF looked like... either way though, there's no denying she was highly egocentric. When I just started going out with her, she said she'd been viciously dumped by all her past boyfriends and that they'd cracked her self-esteem and cheated on her (say what you want but she is a very faithful girlfriend at least). She said she didn't know if she could trust guys anymore. So I figured I might aswell just be a cool dude, leave off the pressure and just be nice to her and let her be herself. We had an awesome first month or two, until she all of a sudden turned on me and started criticizing a bunch of stuff about my personality, which turned into correcting things I said, how I dressed, complained that my family wasn't interested in her while she in turned declined any oppurtunity I gave her to meet them, she didn't want to get to know my friends (band mates), she would shut off anytime I'd even mention anything about music (saying it was alienating her), she made no effort whatsoever to get into my life at all, I was just supposed to be her boyfriend whenever she needed one. She even went so far as to say playing guitar wasn't manly, and fucking complain that my family had horses instead of a boat or something... I mean come fucking on, she gives me shit because my sisters have horses?!



Dude, you're so the winner here. I ain't just saying that as a fellow forumite. I mean, why the fuck was she hanging with you in the first place if she was so shallow that she didn't like the way you dressed (yet it was _*somehow*_ good for two months, see number four in the below video)?  And what bitch thinks guitar playing is unmanly...  I'm pretty sure the demographic stats shit all over that theory pretty hard. Shit, I don't even know any girls who can play guitar. 

Whatever dude, if she had a string of cheating, bang-and-bolt boyfriends, she probably didn't like you because you weren't doing the same. Some chicks operate on that wavelength. I'd say give it a shot and tell her you were fucking some other chick the whole time, and she'll probably come running back.  Nah, just find some cute, geeky chick that can set up your PS3 and call it good.


----------



## BrandonARC

Man, i was awake 5 mins and caught her grouchiness already. I love my lady to death, but damn can she be a bitch. I try to call omw to work to get things calmed down and she just snaps at me and acts like im stupid.lol. I think she might be bipolar or something. Anyone else have these issues? lol


----------



## jymellis

been married 13 years. its a girl thing


----------



## BrandonARC

lol good to know its not just me. I guess ill just leave her be.


----------



## jymellis

good idea! buying her stuff may help the problem but will make her expect new things when she gets pissy.or you can do this. "im sorry, sometimes i can be a complete idiot. im sorry if there is anything i did to upset you. i am not always the best guy in the world but i try " if she responds well to this subtly ask for a b.j.


----------



## scottro202

I know the feeling. My right hand's being a bit of a bitch this morning


----------



## jymellis

scottro202 said:


> I know the feeling. My right hand's being a bit of a bitch this morning


 
sit on it till it falls asleep, its called "the stranger"


----------



## BrandonARC

hahaha. See my problem is if i feel like i didnt do anything, my pride gets in the way of apologizing.


----------



## jymellis

BrandonARC said:


> hahaha. See my problem is if i feel like i didnt do anything, my pride gets in the way of apologizing.


 
mr. marcellas wallace gave a great speech on pride. i suggest you watch pulp fiction a couple times and memorize these words of wisdom


----------



## BrandonARC

jymellis said:


> mr. marcellas wallace gave a great speech on pride. i suggest you watch pulp fiction a couple times and memorize these words of wisdom




The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting. That's pride fucking with you. _Fuck pride!_ Pride only hurts, it never helps.

I googled it.


----------



## jymellis

BrandonARC said:


> The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting. That's pride fucking with you. _Fuck pride!_ Pride only hurts, it never helps.
> 
> I googled it.


----------



## BrandonARC

so if thats the case, i should say sorry every time even if it isnt my fault?


----------



## jymellis

BrandonARC said:


> so if thats the case, i should say sorry every time even if it isnt my fault?


 

yup


----------



## BrandonARC

lol good to know. ill do that now as an experiment and use EXACTLY what I was told to put as an experiment and see what she says. 




jymellis said:


> yup


----------



## jymellis

BrandonARC said:


> lol good to know. ill do that now as an experiment and use EXACTLY what I was told to put as an experiment and see what she says.


 

im 33 and have been married for 13 years. and im not exactly a "catch" lol.


----------



## BrandonARC

i think im afraid of marriage.


----------



## jymellis

BrandonARC said:


> i think im afraid of marriage.


then tell the girlfriend to take her attitude and get fucked, then ask for her bestfriends number on her way out the door


----------



## BrandonARC

jymellis said:


> then tell the girlfriend to take her attitude and get fucked, then ask for her bestfriends number on her way out the door





haha, i could never do that. I will marry her, someday soon. and her best friend is like a 80 lb lesbian who hates penis, haha.


----------



## TreWatson

as far as arguments, i learned this lesson early on.

yes, you, as a man, are right just as often as she is, but you are given a decision you must make on your own for the sake of your wellbeing and relationship.

this choice is:

you can be right

OR ( there's never an and here, pay attention)

you can be happy.


----------



## jymellis

BrandonARC said:


> haha, i could never do that. I will marry her, someday soon. and her best friend is like a 80 lb lesbian who hates penis, haha.


 then you better swollow that pride maing. as for the lesbian. explain to her that she is a male minus 1 chromosome and her clitoris is nothing more than an under-developed penis


----------



## JohnIce

jymellis said:


> then tell the girlfriend to take her attitude and get fucked, then ask for her bestfriends number on her way out the door


 
This is exactly what I did just this Sunday... well apart from the fact that I already had her best friend's number 

To be honest man, I had the exact same problem with my girl. When we hooked up, both her and her friends and family said she'd been so hurt by ex-bf's that she desperately needed a calm, stable and good-hearted guy who'd love her for who she is and support her when she's down. You know what i got from being that guy? Absolutely no respect whatsoever, first month or two were great then she started complaining and insulting me more and more until it was second nature, for her AND me.

Tell her to lose the attitude or GTFO, because believe me, once she starts thinking it's ok to run over you it's only gonna get uglier from there.


----------



## BrandonARC

jymellis said:


> then you better swollow that pride maing. as for the lesbian. explain to her that she is a male minus 1 chromosome and her clitoris is nothing more than an under-developed penis




haha yeah i just need to learn that ill never win. and ill be sure to let the bf know


----------



## jymellis

JohnIce said:


> insulting me .


----------



## leandroab

jymellis said:


> mr. marcellas wallace gave a great speech on pride. i suggest you watch pulp fiction a couple times and memorize these words of wisdom



It's _Marcellus_ Wallace and I bought Jules' bad motherfucker wallet... It's fucking awesome hahahah

Sorry, I saw Pulp Fiction like 100 times already...


----------



## BrandonARC

jymellis said:


> good idea! buying her stuff may help the problem but will make her expect new things when she gets pissy.or you can do this. "im sorry, sometimes i can be a complete idiot. im sorry if there is anything i did to upset you. i am not always the best guy in the world but i try " if she responds well to this subtly ask for a b.j.




Worked like a charm, haha.


----------



## Fzau

JohnIce said:


> She even went so far as to say playing guitar wasn't manly


 
BURN THE WITCH


----------



## theperfectcell6

jymellis said:


> good idea! buying her stuff may help the problem but will make her expect new things when she gets pissy.or you can do this. "im sorry, sometimes i can be a complete idiot. im sorry if there is anything i did to upset you. i am not always the best guy in the world but i try " if she responds well to this subtly ask for a b.j.



Works 9/10 haha!


----------



## Peekaboo_eeeeek

Ok, first off, I would like to point out that not ALL girls are psycho, bi-polar hosebeasts who treat men like shit & never want to be told they are wrong. 
...Don't get me wrong, there are _*ALOT*_ of women out there like that , but we're not _all_ that bad; in the same way that not ALL men are cheating scumbags who chase after anything with tits regardless of whether they are in a relationship or not. Or that all men are chauvanistic pigs who expect the woman to do all the housework and be a good, quiet little wench with no opinion of her own.

SECONDLY...No offence JohnIce, but I could have told you straight away that your ex was NOT a good choice for a long-term, loving relationsip. Anyone who puts that much effort into having perfect hair, make-up etc, is clearly extremely self-centred, egotistical and cares FAR too much about appearances. You said that that's not how she always presents herself, but she looks much the same in the 2nd pic, except she has eye makeup running down her face and it's a bit more "artsy"....and you were *SURPRISED *when she tried to make you wear more "acceptable" clothes?? 

THIRDLY... when you first started going out, she used a sob story, so you decided to "let her be herself". This left you doing what? Playing the "cool guy" and not being *YOUR*self. If you were playing it cool, and acting exactly the way she wanted a guy to, it's hardly suprising that within 2 months you were fed up. You can't start out in a relationship pretending to be something you're not just so a chick will like you, and then get all pissy when it goes tits up  You need to be yourself ESPECIALLY at the beginning of a relationship! If she likes you, great,if not just get over it - more fish in the sea & all that crap 

Oh nd FOURTHLY... ^^^^^^^ The whole "buy her stuff" is such a massive generalisation it almost makes me wanna cry. *PEOPLE IN GENERAL* like getting bought presents, it is not just women!!  I personally fucking HATE getting unexpected gifts because 9/10 it will be some pointless piece of crap that I am never going to use/wear, that has been bought solely because it has a fat price tag, with no thought beyond "money = good" put into it, and will just sit in storage getting old until I can give it to someone else!


----------



## Peekaboo_eeeeek

jymellis said:


> sit on it till it falls asleep, its called "the stranger"



Buy Tenga male sex toys. Flip Hole and Onacup   male masturbators = WIN. I think all gf's should buy one for their man: imagine the tension it would ease


----------



## Fzau

TreKita said:


> this choice is:
> 
> you can be right
> 
> OR ( there's never an and here, pay attention)
> 
> you can be happy.


 
FU, I am right AND happy


----------



## JohnIce

Peekaboo_eeeeek said:


> Ok, first off, I would like to point out that not ALL girls are psycho, bi-polar hosebeasts who treat men like shit & never want to be told they are wrong.
> ...Don't get me wrong, there are _*ALOT*_ of women out there like that , but we're not _all_ that bad; in the same way that not ALL men are cheating scumbags who chase after anything with tits regardless of whether they are in a relationship or not. Or that all men are chauvanistic pigs who expect the woman to do all the housework and be a good, quiet little wench with no opinion of her own.
> 
> SECONDLY...No offence JohnIce, but I could have told you straight away that your ex was NOT a good choice for a long-term, loving relationsip. Anyone who puts that much effort into having perfect hair, make-up etc, is clearly extremely self-centred, egotistical and cares FAR too much about appearances. You said that that's not how she always presents herself, but she looks much the same in the 2nd pic, except she has eye makeup running down her face and it's a bit more "artsy"....and you were *SURPRISED *when she tried to make you wear more "acceptable" clothes??
> 
> THIRDLY... when you first started going out, she used a sob story, so you decided to "let her be herself". This left you doing what? Playing the "cool guy" and not being *YOUR*self. If you were playing it cool, and acting exactly the way she wanted a guy to, it's hardly suprising that within 2 months you were fed up. You can't start out in a relationship pretending to be something you're not just so a chick will like you, and then get all pissy when it goes tits up  You need to be yourself ESPECIALLY at the beginning of a relationship! If she likes you, great,if not just get over it - more fish in the sea & all that crap
> 
> Oh nd FOURTHLY... ^^^^^^^ The whole "buy her stuff" is such a massive generalisation it almost makes me wanna cry. *PEOPLE IN GENERAL* like getting bought presents, it is not just women!!  I personally fucking HATE getting unexpected gifts because 9/10 it will be some pointless piece of crap that I am never going to use/wear, that has been bought solely because it has a fat price tag, with no thought beyond "money = good" put into it, and will just sit in storage getting old until I can give it to someone else!


 
Thanks for the thoughtful post, I appreciate it 

First of all, her first relationship lasted over 2 years, then she was single for only a month or two before getting into another 1 year relationship, then she was single only a few months before getting together with me. So she's absolutely not a stranger to long-term relationships, nor does she sleep around.

Second of all, one of the first things she said to me when we'd got together was that she was amazed that I dressed so well for a guy who hadn't had a serious relationship before. She said she'd "had to" style both her past boyfriends because they were horrible at it themselves. At that point I took that as a compliment, but now I realize it should have been a warning sign  But to be honest, it wasn't so much her trying to make me wear more acceptable clothes, as frankly I've always been known to be a fashionable guy, but it was more a matter of her trying to make me dress more like _she_ wanted. It was not about what others would think, but what she herself preferred.

The pics I won't comment on, we've already established that she's very egocentric. But she's definately got an artistic sense too, in her defense.

Thirdly, I was never acting like a cool guy. At the start of our relationship I was still very much myself, and that's when I was the happiest with the relationship and she was the most loving towards me. But I've always joked around with girls, busting balls and testing limits but with her that just didn't work, she could NOT take a joke about herself. At that point, all her friends told her she'd never be able to have a relationship with me cause I slept around too much, whereas she was the exact opposite, she only had serious relationships. Since I didn't want the (currently) great relationship to die out so soon because I was chilling and not being serious, noticing she didn't quite have the confidence to deal with that, I made an effort to prove that I wasn't just a player and that I could in fact have a serious relationship with one girl. But it all backfired and went south shortly after that.

Basically, the potential was great. But it all boils down to her being very egocentric and a bit spoiled (her parents are the nicest people in the world, but they are always telling her how amazing she is and how much they love her, even at 20 years old they do that almost on a daily basis, so it's no wonder she's become an attention-addict).

I've learned a great deal from this relationship, and now I'm hopefully wiser when the next girl comes around


----------



## leandroab

Peekaboo_eeeeek said:


> Buy Tenga male sex toys. Flip Hole and Onacup   male masturbators = WIN. I think all gf's should buy one for their man: imagine the tension it would ease



I'm sorry but this really looks like some fucking alien machine...


----------



## TreWatson

Fzau said:


> FU, I am right AND happy


 you missed the point.

yes, you can be right.

men are right a lot of the time.

but you can TELL her she's wrong.

but see if after you point out her flaws she'll want to do anything for you for the next couple days.

lol.

that's a general people thing really, but for some reason, relationships amplify it a bit.


----------



## Peekaboo_eeeeek

leandroab said:


> I'm sorry but this really looks like some fucking alien machine...



 I know....but apparently it's great lol. I shall get Leon one & post reviews 

They also do wierd little egg-shaped things... now THOSE look wierd


----------



## TreWatson

don't tempt me.

my paycheck was 900 dollars and I'm lonely and girlfriendless.

i just spent 332 on a bass.

don't tempt me further!!!


----------



## Randy

leandroab said:


> I'm sorry but this really looks like some fucking alien machine...



It's like those sleep pods that people use in sci-fi movies when they're traveling for long distances.


----------



## TreWatson

Randy said:


> It's like those sleep pods that people use in sci-fi movies when they're traveling for long distances.


 

people don't sleep in the future silly.

we're all gonna be robots.


----------



## Joeywilson

TreKita said:


> people don't sleep in the future silly.
> 
> we're all gonna be robots.



robots who mastubate...A lot.


----------



## TreWatson

sssssshhhhh!!!

i laughed really loud just now and I'm in an office building!

you're gonna get me in trouble. hahah


----------



## Joeywilson

I'm sorry Tre .


----------



## Antimatter

I keep looking at that thing but it doesn't make any sense to me
I think my hand can take care of business well enough


----------



## MSalonen

Hey guys, I really need help one something that's been going on very recently for me, and any advice would be extremely appreciated. John, I know you could really help me right now. I will provide a detailed explanation below followed by a TLDR.

---

So, some time after finally reaching a point of peace and happiness with myself again after the messy end of a long-term and serious relationship, not looking for anyone, I meet this girl who I immediately find a strong attraction with. I quickly realize we had met in passing once or twice before but never really talked. At the time I was still much too mentally distracted by all the bullshit of previously mentioned breakup. But now without my mind clouded I see the potential for a really strong connection. That said, I didn't want to actively try and hook up with her or just straight up ask her out, not yet. I wanted to get to know her.

So, on friday I was hanging out with a mutual friend from that circle, whom I also hadn't had a chance to really get to know. We really hit it off, in a completely platonic and awesome way. We instantly clicked as great friends, which is great. She asks me if I want to hang out with her and her two friends, one of whom is the girl Im interested in and she knows I know, so I of course say sure. As we all hang out, she apparently instantly notices that I have a huge crush on this chick and plays ultimate wingwoman. I was a little embarrassed that I was so easy to read, but oh well.

In any case, platonic friend and I are having a subtle text conversation while interesting girl and I are having an actual verbal one about all manner of things and really hitting it off. Platonic friend says that interesting girl is extremely picky, but that I seem to have her attention. It was crazy because, for the first time, I could actively tell that interesting girl was "sizing me up" in terms of compatability by asking me questions about things that would probably only matter if you were dating someone. But it wasnt in a weird or obnoxious way, it was actually very intriguing. So the two of us keep talking, having a few drinks, and she eventually starts getting really physically close, but not in an overtly sexual way. More cuddle-factor.

Eventually, the two of us go out solo to a bar for one more drink after Platonic Friend/Ultimate Wingwoman ducks out. We talk some more and realize how much more we happen to have in common. Then we go to her place, where I have never been before. Same thing ensues, with major physical affection goign on. No kissing though, or anything else. Which is fine with me, even if a part of me obviously wants it. I feel that its better that way in that current moment. She ends up saying how she's blown away by how much in common and how she never realized it or expected it from the few times we met in passing, and how all of this is such a surprise and how I'm "interesting". Which she said in a very coy way. Then it comes time for me to leave, and I pussy out and dont go for a kiss even though I could have. Fuck. Oh well.

THEN.

Saturday day, the same group of us are hanging out in the afternoon. I figure I blew it because I'm receiving zero flirtation or attraction vibes from her. So I'm thinking "Fuck, oh well." But I don't get all bummed or moody, especially since we're all having a good time anyway. But eventually it's just Intesting girl and I once again alone in her apartment before I have to go to work and she has to go to hang out with some other friends. She spends some time cleaning her apartment as she said she really needed to do while I hang out. We talk about stuff, but to me it seems like it is still once again with zero attraction behind it, just friendly banter. I was especially thrown off by one comment of hers, which was that it's crazy how much we have in common in terms of interests and such, but that we have "completely different personalities". I wasn't sure how to take that, so I just played it off with curiousity. To me that seemed to be negative though, but I have no idea. Might be positive? I guess you don't reallyw ant to date yourself...

Anyway, after mentally resigning myself off the situation and just letting it go, thinking that the chance had come on gone and that I still have a cool new friend, she moves from sitting across the table to the couch I had been on, and suddenly things get all snuggly again. So at this point I'm super fucking confused. But I go with it. Once again Im in the position to make a move, and once again (like a bitch), I fucking don't. Her ride shows up, and so we once again go separate ways.

So I ask Ultimate Wingwoman for advice, asking if Interesting girl is waiting for me to take initiative, and that I don't want to blow it. But Wingwoman says to tread carefully and that I should just keep doing things like I have been. I say Im confused by how she'll be all reserved at first but then get all warmed up later, and she says its just how it is when they're making sure a dude isn't a skeaze. I say I completely understand since I genuinely like her and don't just want to get in her pants. Wingwoman then suggests a specific bar to invite the girl to.

Later on I text Interesting girl, asking how her the game is going (she was actually playing Magic the Gathering with her friends, which confuses the hell out of me since they're all cute girls and total nerds, but that's pretty cool). But get no response. Which leaves me totally mindfucked. So at this point I basically have no idea where I stand. I'm totally lost here.

When I brought it up with some other friends, they agreed with wingwoman. A female friend said that me not kissing her yet didnt mean I blew it and that it was probably even good because it is teasing her with the idea (in a good way). They also suggested that While it seems like she's sending mixed messages to me, I could inadvertently be doing the same thing to her.

---

TLDR!

I like a new girl who is super rad. We have a ton in common, including metal. We get our cuddle on, but no one makes the first move. I can't tell what her interest level is, possibly because Im a moron. Mixed messages, but not in a crazy bitch way, and I might unconsciously doing the same thing to her. Im a bitch and I don't when the time is right to make the first move.


----------



## JohnIce

MSalonen, to me it seems a little like you're too busy trying not to screw up or seem like you want to get in her pants, that you instead may risk coming across as a little boring and that you can't take initiatives. Knowing what you want and how to get it is most often a very attractive trait. And if she notices that you're not meeting her halfway, she may think you're just a pussy and that she has to do everything if your relationship is going to go anywhere. Most girls would rather not do that 

It's easy to think that just because girls often complain about guys who only want to have sex with them or get too clingy on the first date, it would mean you could do the complete opposite and become the most awesome guy in the world. But it's not that easy. A lame guy who doesn't go after what he wants can be just as unattractive.

She is, as you say, most likely waiting for you to make a move. She's already become so comfortable with you that she can start talking about your compatibility etc., which means she's ready to go further with you, but she may not be open for that for long if nothing keeps happening. Her saying you have very different personalities may well be a warning sign, that she's starting to think "Oh well, maybe we're not that compatible after all." She may have said that to test your response, and if you didn't understand what she meant or reacted like you thought it was going great between the two of you, that could be a very bad thing. And leaving you on the couch while she walks around cleaning up and waiting for her ride... I'm sorry man but that is nasty, you've _got_ to have something more important to do than that. That just makes you her sidekick, she could've just turned on the radio or something while cleaning, but THAT is the position you filled.

If you brought a girl that you really liked home, would you leave her on the couch while you clean the room, and then leave without her? That's not nice. You don't want her to do that, it's fine if you're in a relationship but not this early... don't become a sidekick! Offer to help her clean, or say you have to go home and feed the cat before work. Don't sit and wait for her.

My advice, based on what I'm reading, is to start taking some serious initiatives, don't be desperate of course but take a stand and let her know you're ready to take it further. Do it with confidence and show her some balls (figuratively) and I think this could be great!


----------



## MSalonen

Thank you so much man, I very much know what you're saying and for the most part completely agree. You're definitely right about assertiveness being a good trait in the reality of the situation. I guess I'm spoiled since the last chick I was really attracted to and dated (for a long time, too) ended up making the first move and started making out with me.

As for the personality comment she made that you also mentioned, your words were my first impression, though when she said it I just laughed it off and said something along the lines of "oh really?" or something and didnt make a big deal about it in any way. But it did kind of strike me as a negative at first, but everyone else I talked to about it said that was a positive, mostly for the reason I mentioned, since they said attraction and interest comes from differences in personality. So I'm not really sure now which way it was intended. Hopefully it's good, but I don't know.

As for the way we were hanging out at her place then, I definitely can see what you mean being a possibility. But she also said, without me even bringing it up or suggesting it, that she wanted me to come if I didn't have work and it wasn't someone else's house who doesn't know me yet. Normally I would have gone off and done my own thing, but again, I had to go to work just a bit later so I was just hanging out and spending some time with her. And while she was cleaning we were talking and she had music on, but I still see what you mean. I of course offered to help but she said there wasnt much she had to do. And she wasnt doing it for very long, the rest was on the couch with me, pretty much. Where I had been sitting before, and she chose to join me on rather than anywhere else in the apartment and get proceed to get all cuddly. 

Still, I obviously don't want to be a "sidekick", that would suck.

After not hearing back from her last night, I'm not texting her today and just seeing if she gets in touch with me. If not, I have plans with that mutual friend of ours tomorrow. What I'm thinking is that I'll shoot her a text just saying that I'm hanging out with said friend for a bit at the bar that had been suggested, and that she should come. If I get no response, then that's that. If I do, I'll take it from there and play it cool but seriously take action when the opportunity arises.

Unless it would be a better idea to invite her there solely after I had already hung out with the mutual friend. Not sure which would be better. Just us or with some company, at least at the start.


----------



## budda

Dude, you and girl were drinking and hit it off and she brought you home? And you didn't at least kiss her? From where I'm sitting, that's a kiss and see where it goes scenario - if you did end up sleeping together, the attraction only grows due to the psychological aspects of sex, so it's not exactly a bad thing lol.

Why not text her and ask her how her day went? 

You like this girl, you two get along well together. Take some initiative as John said and make it plain that you're interested in seeing if it can be something more - do not wait, there is no perfect time, just do it. The worst that happens is she says no.

Good luck!


----------



## avenger

budda said:


> Dude, you and girl were drinking and hit it off and she brought you home? And you didn't at least kiss her? From where I'm sitting, that's a kiss and see where it goes scenario - if you did end up sleeping together, the attraction only grows due to the psychological aspects of sex, so it's not exactly a bad thing lol.
> 
> Why not text her and ask her how her day went?
> 
> You like this girl, you two get along well together. Take some initiative as John said and make it plain that you're interested in seeing if it can be something more - *do not wait, there is no perfect time, just do it. The worst that happens is she says no.*
> 
> Good luck!


Straight up. If she says no move on to the next. 

My new thing is to only hit on 10/10's usally get rejected but when I do get that perfect 10 it will be worth it!


----------



## JohnIce

avenger said:


> Straight up. If she says no move on to the next.
> 
> My new thing is to only hit on 10/10's usally get rejected but when I do get that perfect 10 it will be worth it!


 
My strategy is to casually hit on any girl... because:
a) You get experience with the whole social communication thing, preparing you for that 10/10

b) Girls, if we are to generalize, gossip like crazy... if you get one girl to say good things about you, you'll soon have 20 girls thinking good things about you. Beware though, if you treat one girl wrong you'll have the other 19 girls pissed at you too. So be careful 

I think you shouldn't limit yourself in approaching girls, as it's still always up to you whether or not you actually want to _do_ anything with them. Just because you're nice to a girl doesn't mean you have to sleep with her or have a relationship with her. So I think it's best to just get out there and train your social skills, wit, sense of humour, and just generally learn to be comfortable with the whole "pickup" thing. Then you won't be a fish out of water once that shockingly beautiful girl shows up. It's easy to screw up if you're not prepared.


----------



## avenger

JohnIce said:


> My strategy is to casually hit on any girl... because:
> a) You get experience with the whole social communication thing, preparing you for that 10/10
> 
> b) Girls, if we are to generalize, gossip like crazy... if you get one girl to say good things about you, you'll soon have 20 girls thinking good things about you. Beware though, if you treat one girl wrong you'll have the other 19 girls pissed at you too. So be careful
> 
> I think you shouldn't limit yourself in approaching girls, as it's still always up to you whether or not you actually want to _do_ anything with them. Just because you're nice to a girl doesn't mean you have to sleep with her or have a relationship with her. So I think it's best to just get out there and train your social skills, wit, sense of humour, and just generally learn to be comfortable with the whole "pickup" thing. Then you won't be a fish out of water once that shockingly beautiful girl shows up. It's easy to screw up if you're not prepared.


Thats very true, I will have to use this advice.

I was out this weekend and some girl gave me her number/bought drinks for me (wow imagine that) all night. I told her thanks for the drinks and stuff the next day and she told me no problem and she would really like it if I took her out. I really really dont want to take her out at all so I just kinda eased out of talking to her.

I kind of find it fun going up to incredible beutiful girls and trying to chat them up. Sometimes just because I am not the typical "bar guy" it gets me somewhere. Other times it gets me shot down and I laugh it off over another drink.


----------



## Peekaboo_eeeeek

JohnIce said:


> My strategy is to casually hit on any girl... because:
> 
> b) Girls, if we are to generalize, gossip like crazy... if you get one girl to say good things about you, you'll soon have 20 girls thinking good things about you. Beware though, if you treat one girl wrong you'll have the other 19 girls pissed at you too. So be careful



....seriously...._*SO*_ true...and that's coming from a chick


----------



## Peekaboo_eeeeek

Antimatter said:


> I keep looking at that thing but it doesn't make any sense to me
> I think my hand can take care of business well enough



What's not to understand?  It's basically a tube with a hole at one end for you to put your cock in. The weirdly shaped sillicone stuff is to make it feel as realistic as possible, and allow you to adjust the suction/tightness of the hole to make it feel _juuuuust_ right. 

Quite simple really


----------



## MSalonen

Alright, so I took what you guys said to mind.

Basically, I found out that because I was hanging out with Wingwoman so much, she thought I liked her (and asked me if I did the night before she left for the wedding). I said that her friend was a great friend and fun to hang out with, but no, not like that. I thought I had been making it clear that I was interested in HER, but I guess I wasn't the only one who had been confused. We only had one night before then to hang out, which went roughly the same as it has been. But it seems like I actually made the right decision in holding off on making moves on her more than the aforementioned snuggling and such. Maybe. She definitely has walls up to protect herself and takes time to trust someone. It's apparently been a while since she's dated anyone, and is purportedly super picky. If I only wanted to bang her, it might not have been a big deal, but I actually really like her, so I don't mind taking it slow and carefully.

After we hung out that last night, I said that I wanted to take her out for dinner or drinks when she gets back. That while I certainly enjoyed hanging out with her friends (who are my friends too), I really enjoyed spending time with and getting to know her. I had no idea what kind of response I would get, but I wanted to put it out there without spilling what I had been feeling emotionally. When she first responded saying that I was a really nice guy, I thought I had blown it, but she then said that she wasn't used to it and that it was a nice change, and that she would like me to take her out when she gets back.

Anyway, I know she's interested in me, I just don't know if its a mild interest and curiosity, or if she's feeling somewhat like me and is just trying to hide it and act reserved outwardly like I am. Hard to tell, really.

So I'm going to take her out for dinner at a nice place. Not super nice since I don't want it to be weird like I'm trying to impress her or buy my way into some obligation of physical payback, but a good place that I like. We'll see what happens. I'll definitely try and solidify things more, action-wise, without going right for sex. Like you guys said, worst that happens is that she says no or not yet. If the former, I know whats up and can move on and past it, or the latter which still gives me a clearer picture of the situation.


----------



## Cheesebuiscut

..


----------



## scottro202

Stupid Question Incoming:

SO, last Friday (So like, a week before 2 days ago) I met this girl. We're into similar music, she's really cute, seems really cool, all that stuff. I've talked to her a couple times on texting and Facebook chat, nothing too big. 

Anyways, I know she's into hardcore music, as well as ska (For those who know me, you KNOW I lurrrrv teh ska). Well, there's 2 shows coming to Atlanta this weekend that fall under both of these. First, Thrash and Burn (I also love Periphery, win win?). Second, a huge local ska festival called the Mass Ska Raid (The venue's called the Masquarade, get it?). T+B this Friday, Ska Raid this Saturday.

So, in short, should I ask her to go to either of these shows with me? Or is it too soon? 

Funfact: When I got her number, my main "selling point" was we could go to a show together, since we like simliar music.


----------



## Fzau

scottro202 said:


> Stupid Question Incoming:
> 
> SO, last Friday (So like, a week before 2 days ago) I met this girl. We're into similar music, she's really cute, seems really cool, all that stuff. I've talked to her a couple times on texting and Facebook chat, nothing too big.
> 
> Anyways, I know she's into hardcore music, as well as ska (For those who know me, you KNOW I lurrrrv teh ska). Well, there's 2 shows coming to Atlanta this weekend that fall under both of these. First, Thrash and Burn (I also love Periphery, win win?). Second, a huge local ska festival called the Mass Ska Raid (The venue's called the Masquarade, get it?). T+B this Friday, Ska Raid this Saturday.
> 
> So, in short, should I ask her to go to either of these shows with me? Or is it too soon?
> 
> Funfact: When I got her number, my main "selling point" was we could go to a show together, since we like simliar music.


 
Very simply put: *NO!*

Never _*ASK*_ her to come with you, give her the opportunity to join you.
For example, don't say "Would you like to join me to this gig?". Instead, say something in the lines of "There's a great gig here Saturday, are you going?", while in a conversation. Make it seem as if you were indifferent on whether she's going or not. You're the leader, don't give her control over you by asking if she wants to do something with you.

I'm sure John agrees with me on this one. 

It also depends on how old you are though. But in the game of attraction, this is what works. 

Also, the selling point stuff is bullshit if she doesn't have anyone to go with. She must've had other motives then.


----------



## JohnIce

scottro: Do you have any more pals who'd want to join you to either of these gigs? If you are a group of buddies going anyway, then you asking her if she wants to tag along puts less pressure on both of you. She knows you'll have an awesome time, no matter if she's with you or not. And this is good 

If you're going alone, and the only person in the world that you want to bring with you is her, then you're putting massive pressure on everything.

As Tom says, it's good to get the point across that you ARE going and you WILL have a great time, regardless of whether she's with you or not. Casual is best  Good luck mate!


----------



## avenger

JohnIce said:


> scottro: Do you have any more pals who'd want to join you to either of these gigs? If you are a group of buddies going anyway, then you asking her if she wants to tag along puts less pressure on both of you. She knows you'll have an awesome time, no matter if she's with you or not. And this is good
> 
> If you're going alone, and the only person in the world that you want to bring with you is her, then you're putting massive pressure on everything.
> 
> As Tom says, it's good to get the point across that you ARE going and you WILL have a great time, regardless of whether she's with you or not. Casual is best  Good luck mate!


But what if she comes along like this and hooks up with his friends? 

I understand the keeping it casual thing but at some point there has to be an understanding that he wants to see her on more then a casual level right? I think this in depth discussion of keeping ones self and not letting her have control in choices is kinda out of hand. 

What happened to two people liking each other and going out on a date?


----------



## JohnIce

avenger said:


> But what if she comes along like this and hooks up with his friends?
> 
> I understand the keeping it casual thing but at some point there has to be an understanding that he wants to see her on more then a casual level right? I think this in depth discussion of keeping ones self and not letting her have control in choices is kinda out of hand.
> 
> What happened to two people liking each other and going out on a date?


 
One thing I've come to understand about men and women, is that men are a LOT less critical and more eager when it comes to relations. Women know this by instinct, and for the benefit of the species, they've learned to sort out the guys who most desperately want to get in their pants.

Now, the optimal thing would be to simply not get so excited about random aquantancies, but many guys fail at this (myself included, many times), and so the next best thing you can do is to _appear_ more choosy and casual than you actually are. Is this tricking women? Probably, but it's between that and being alone the rest of your life... and don't expect the ladies to play fair either, don't be surprised if every text message a girl sent you was carefully planned out and discussed with her friends...

The understanding you talk about is an important thing for sure, but the problem is that it generally happens a lot sooner for guys than it does with girls, and one of (if not the most) common mistakes guys make with girls is to push too hard too early in the relationship. Take the time to casually warm to each other, and you will both benefit from it.


----------



## silentrage

^ Good analysis of the human condition there. 

I play a diff game altogether though, I only get with girls who I know even from first sight that wants to hump my brains out, who I also like of course.
This is easy and fun when it happens, but it happens like once every 10 years in my experience, lol.


----------



## renzoip

Ok, so here is my situation:

I went to a show on Friday to see my friend's band play. Once at the show, I saw this girl that looked very familiar but I wasn't sure if it was who I though it was. Then when the band started playing she came closer and we immediately recognized each other. 

Turns out that this girl had a big crush on me 4 years ago, when she was 16 and since I was 20 (and didn't want to get in trouble) I turned her down. After that we totally lost touch and moved on with our life. Now with her being 20 and I 24, we totally clicked and had a blast hanging out. 

After the show we talked an realized we had a lot more in common than we though. So after she mentioned that she liked playing PS3, I invited her to come to my place to play video games. But then we ended up not playing video games but instead 

This is very rare to me as I did not plan any of this nor am I the kind of dude that picks up girls like that. We saw each other again yesterday and it was pretty much the same story. But the thing is, I feel that she is getting attached pretty quickly; she already with the whole name-calling and texting me to see how my day went. I have mixed feelings about that...

I'm not sure what to do because while I really enjoy the attention/affection/sex I got, I am really not sure where to go with this. Although I've been single for awhile, I wasn't wanting a relationship. On the other hand, I've never with a girl who share's my interests in music and other hobbies, it feels good. 

So where do you think I should go from here? Help!


----------



## silentrage

If she's good looking enough for you, and shares your interests and passions, then I don't know wtf more you could want? 

Maybe you think you're still young and should experiment more, which is justifiable, but there's nothing that stops you from doing that AFTER a serious relationship, or inbetween. 

Guys can always fuck around, at any age, I know a guy who's in his mid 40s and still sleeping with different girls every couple of weeks and just generally not giving a fuck about marriage, responsibilities, etc, that's much easier for us than it is for women,
but finding someone that's really good for you, that's a lot harder. 

So I say go for it, see where it takes you, if you don't like it, you have tons of options afterwards.


----------



## MSalonen

Hey guys, I just wanted to thank you again for your advice, even if I was too obstinate to follow most of it all the way through.

That said, things totally worked out. When she got back we went to the bar with the other mutual friend for a thing she wanted a bunch of people to go to, then went out to dinner afterwards, which went really well. Then we went back to her place and I made sure to seal that deal.

At this point, I'm just trying to still play distant enough that I dont seem overexcited or anything. Which is hard when you're super into someone.


----------



## Fzau

MSalonen said:


> Hey guys, I just wanted to thank you again for your advice, even if I was too obstinate to follow most of it all the way through.
> 
> That said, things totally worked out. When she got back we went to the bar with the other mutual friend for a thing she wanted a bunch of people to go to, then went out to dinner afterwards, which went really well. Then we went back to her place and I made sure to seal that deal.
> 
> At this point, I'm just trying to still play distant enough that I dont seem overexcited or anything. Which is hard when you're super into someone.


 
Good to hear that, mate! 

It sure is hard trying to stay cool and patient when you're super into someone, but it does pay off.
Anticipation = win


----------



## JohnIce

@MSalonen: Great to hear!  You don't need to be 100% flawless at all times in dating either, there's plenty of room for screwups, as long as you can pick it up again  Good luck mate!


----------



## MSalonen

Thanks so much guys, and I hope you're right John.

At this point I found out from that other friend that she's just scared, because she's used to dating assholes and isn't used to someone treating her right, but she apparently really likes me. It's still hard though because I'm scared myself, because I'm not used to having this strong of a connection with someone. And I also like her so much that I really don't want to fuck things up, I want to have that chance to make her happy. Because, quite unexpectedly, she's someone that I just feel so happy to make happy. Still, it's very hard to feel like (despite things happening already) I'm still stuck in that reset cycle of (at least outwardly expressed) interest.


----------



## Fzau

MSalonen said:


> Thanks so much guys, and I hope you're right John.
> 
> At this point I found out from that other friend that she's just scared, because she's used to dating assholes and isn't used to someone treating her right, but she apparently really likes me. It's still hard though because I'm scared myself, because I'm not used to having this strong of a connection with someone. And I also like her so much that I really don't want to fuck things up, I want to have that chance to make her happy. Because, quite unexpectedly, she's someone that I just feel so happy to make happy. Still, it's very hard to feel like (despite things happening already) I'm still stuck in that reset cycle of (at least outwardly expressed) interest.


 
If your friend says that, she's definately interested in you. 
No reason to be scared of yourself though, at least not for having a strong connection with someone.  
Don't be afraid to fuck things up, in fact, don't be afraid at all. There really is no reason to. 

Quickly throwing this one out there:
Whatever happens, never forget you can stand on your own two feet and you don't NEED anyone. Both inside and outside your potential relationship. So don't overdo the whole 'I like you and I reaaaally want to make you happy' by buying her lots of gifts, etc. as this actually proves you're under her control and basicly just an ass-kisser (which isn't good after a period of time, trust me on this..). This could be an advise for anyone in a relationship, never forget that you're an individual too.


What exactly do you mean with the reset cycle of interest? Her interest outwardly expressed to you? If so, she might think it's your turn to take the next step (whatever that may be). You mentioned you cuddled, right? Next time, maybe try and smell her neck for a while and see how she reacts? (best do this when you're behind her methinks) No out of nowhere full on kissing though, in fact, I'd wait until she's 'begging' for a kiss (which may well happen if you're smelling her neck). But be patient and confident.


----------



## MSalonen

Fzau said:


> If your friend says that, she's definately interested in you.
> No reason to be scared of yourself though, at least not for having a strong connection with someone.
> Don't be afraid to fuck things up, in fact, don't be afraid at all. There really is no reason to.
> 
> Quickly throwing this one out there:
> Whatever happens, never forget you can stand on your own two feet and you don't NEED anyone. Both inside and outside your potential relationship. So don't overdo the whole 'I like you and I reaaaally want to make you happy' by buying her lots of gifts, etc. as this actually proves you're under her control and basicly just an ass-kisser (which isn't good after a period of time, trust me on this..). This could be an advise for anyone in a relationship, never forget that you're an individual too.
> 
> 
> What exactly do you mean with the reset cycle of interest? Her interest outwardly expressed to you? If so, she might think it's your turn to take the next step (whatever that may be). You mentioned you cuddled, right? Next time, maybe try and smell her neck for a while and see how she reacts? (best do this when you're behind her methinks) No out of nowhere full on kissing though, in fact, I'd wait until she's 'begging' for a kiss (which may well happen if you're smelling her neck). But be patient and confident.



That's good, it feels really good to hear that from someone. 

And I wholeheartedly agree with being happy with yourself and not relying on someone else for that. That's why its so surprising to feel that way about her, because I know it's not coming from some inner desire to simply live for someone else in order to feel good about myself.

And we've already made out and had a lot of physical action, on monday night. But I'll be sure to keep in mind what you said. What I meant by "reset cycle" was that when we're not hanging out, I don't hear much at all from her. And at the beginning of each time we do, I get almost no attraction/interest vibes. Which means she's either not that interested, is conflicted, or is doing what I am - playing distant so as to not seem immediately clingy/overexcited.


----------



## JohnIce

MSalonen said:


> Thanks so much guys, and I hope you're right John.
> 
> At this point I found out from that other friend that she's just scared, because she's used to dating assholes and isn't used to someone treating her right, but she apparently really likes me. It's still hard though because I'm scared myself, because I'm not used to having this strong of a connection with someone. And I also like her so much that I really don't want to fuck things up, I want to have that chance to make her happy. Because, quite unexpectedly, she's someone that I just feel so happy to make happy. Still, it's very hard to feel like (despite things happening already) I'm still stuck in that reset cycle of (at least outwardly expressed) interest.


 
Wow... that's like a photo copy of when I met my ex  Now, I'm not assuming this girl is anything like the egocentric and plain mean bitch that I was with, but still, the kind of thinking that you have to be really nice and stable to compensate for her past guys, and be afraid to make any mistake with her, that can so easily turn you into a lap dog. Once she loses respect in you, there's no where to go but down into fiery pits of hell on earth...

On another note, I also learned the hard way that the reason why all her ex's had ended up leaving her for other girls, and why she'd been oh so "hurt" by them, was that she was just as big of a bitch to them and they eventually bailed on her and didn't want to keep any contact with her either. I'm the fourth guy in a row to do that 

So basically, the whole "hurt" game is something I'd take lightly... everyone is hurt in a breakup and everyone thinks they're right, and everyone's friends think so too. Just because you got hurt doesn't mean you were innocent.


----------



## MSalonen

Well, I don't think I HAVE to be nice. Least of all in order to compensate for anyone or anything. I simply want to, and am that way. But I'm no lapdog. And I'm only afraid of making mistakes right now because of how new it is still for me, and because I care about her.

And she's definitely not playing any sort of "hurt" game. She's just a bit wary to trust and open up fully. Which she's been nothing but upfront and honest about. No displacing blame or claiming innocence.

With all due respect, from what I read about your previous girlfriend, they're really not that much alike.


----------



## synrgy

renzoip said:


> I am really not sure where to go with this. Although I've been single for awhile, I wasn't wanting a relationship. On the other hand, I've never with a girl who share's my interests in music and other hobbies, it feels good.



Dude, just tell her that. Seriously. Honesty is the shit.


----------



## Fzau

MSalonen said:


> Well, I don't think I HAVE to be nice. Least of all in order to compensate for anyone or anything. I simply want to, and am that way. But I'm no lapdog. And I'm only afraid of making mistakes right now because of how new it is still for me, and because I care about her.


 
Just don't be a wussy.


----------



## tekkadon d

hey i dunno if its been asked but whats love to youse? sounds gay but last night me and my girl were in bed and got talking and all this stuff came out about love and how she doesnt know what love is, so she doesnt know if she loves me. for us, we're young and may seem naive to be taking about our lives together but i dunno. i also find it annoying that cause of movies they make love to be some crazy complicated thing which my girlfriend seemed to be thinking. and i was like for me its as simple as wanting to be with you and only you right at this very moment and seeing where it all goes. 
but basically whats your thoughts sorry if i rambled just we been together over a year now and her taking like this was a curve ball for me
thanks


----------



## Varcolac

What is love?



It's the simple one. Caring for, wanting to be with, wanting to be on, just plain wanting, and feeling good with. No need to overcomplicate things. It's extreme mental and physical attraction with long-term commitment.

And possibly a Strapping Young Lad song.


----------



## tekkadon d

exactly haha!
but nah what you said is pretty much what i think


----------



## BabUShka

I came out of a 3 and a half years old relationship some few months ago. 
It was very hard to get along with my girlfriend, family, interests and friends while spending the time in the Army. I had a few opportunities to go home and visit them, but they were limited and I was kinda not used to the civilization anymore and very tired after the pressure in the army + traveling. 
So it went to hell between me and my girlfriend, like 7 months after i joined the Army. It was damn hard as hell. That period I was promoted to Corporal and had a lot of stuff going on and much hard work to do. 
A month later she got a new boyfriend.. and from that moment of i just thought.. My god.. What a bitch. From then on things went better. 
I've never been that happy as I am today. Single and free to do whatever I want when I want. With whoever I want  

Thats my love story. Ain't got many of them, cause I spent half my youth on that bimbo. So now she calls me just to talk to me and tells me all those secrets about her boyfriend. So couple of times in a week I get some good lough and I enjoy it every time. We had sex the day we broke up. They've been together for months now, and still haven't done anything. 
yeah.. she tells me that kinda things.. =p


----------



## JohnIce

MSalonen said:


> With all due respect, from what I read about your previous girlfriend, they're really not that much alike.


 
Awesome  I'm glad to hear it


----------



## MSalonen

JohnIce said:


> Awesome  I'm glad to hear it



You certainly deserve much better, especially since you're such an awesome dude from what I can tell.

Oh, and she sent me a text last night while having a girls night with a friend. She said that she was sorry for seeming hot and cold, and that it wasn't her intention to be sending me mixed signals. That she was just nervous since it's been a while since something has been like this. I said I understood, that I wasn't mad or anything, and that I wasnt used to it either. She asked me what i meant, and I said that I wasn't looking to get with anyone, that I was perfectly happy just doing my own thing, but that it just felt right (which is of course the truth).

It made me happy when she responded to what I said with saying it was the same with her, and that's how the good ones start, or so she's heard.

Despite her slight emotional woundedness, she's so far been nothing but upfront and honest about it (and without using it as an excuse or crutch). Which is why I'm not too worried about it, only been a little frustrated and confused at times. We all have our certain walls that we put up because of things that have happened to us before, or at least I know I do, so I can relate to her situation. No one is perfect. It's easy to like someone for the good qualities about them, but what makes a relationship really special is when you like them for their faults as well. Liking them more as you get to know more about them and see more sides to them.

And that's something I didn't expect to happen going into another relationship yet, and is what makes me nervous, but only in the sense that it makes me value it more since it seems so genuinely special.

Hopefully we'll remain on the same page and it will keep flowing naturally and into something lasting. It'll be hard as we currently have pretty conflicting schedules (since I work overnights and she has a normal schedule job). But if we both care enough about being with each other, I'm sure we can work it out. At this point I just have to see where it goes without expecting too much out of what "could be" and simply enjoy what is, what I have in the given moment.


----------



## JohnIce

That sounds awesome, mate! That feeling of being with someone new and just really liking eachother, damn, I'm jealous  I might actually have a new one in the works though, I'm going out with her this saturday, might be great  She's a guitarist too, so no more of the dismissing my music bullshit I got from my ex


----------



## Bungle

Varcolac said:


> What is love?


----------



## silentrage

JohnIce said:


> dismissing my music bullshit I got from my ex



I hope you murdered her and fed her to pigs. 
or maybe keep her in a secret sound-proof dungeon where you blast meshuggah at 200dbs 24/7.


----------



## renzoip

tekkadon d said:


> hey i dunno if its been asked but whats love to youse? sounds gay but last night me and my girl were in bed and got talking and all this stuff came out about love and how she doesnt know what love is, so she doesnt know if she loves me. for us, we're young and may seem naive to be taking about our lives together but i dunno. i also find it annoying that cause of movies they make love to be some crazy complicated thing which my girlfriend seemed to be thinking. and i was like for me its as simple as wanting to be with you and only you right at this very moment and seeing where it all goes.
> but basically whats your thoughts sorry if i rambled just we been together over a year now and her taking like this was a curve ball for me
> thanks



love |l&#601;v|
noun
1 an intense feeling of deep affection : babies fill parents with intense feelings of love | their love for their country.
 a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone : it was love at first sight | they were both in love with her | we were slowly falling in love.


----------



## silentrage

I wonder about this subject myself.

The source of my confusion is this, many people not only claim a deep, unshakable affection for their parents or their offsprings, but they claim their love to be unique or that they're uniquely entitled to the love they receive from their loved ones.

In my opinion this is irrational. Consider love that is felt between persons, or "personal love" as it were. Personal love cannot be absolute, for without the context and subjects in which it exists, it cannot exists, and these subjects are highly irrational, and highly variable beings.

As an example, your parents probably love you and you probably believe that they love the entity that is you, but if you were not born as may be the case in a parallel universe, but someone very much like you while NOT you is born to your parents, there is no reason to believe they wouldn't love him as much as he loves you. So then in this case the love that you experience is not directed at this physical entity that is you, but rather the idea of you, in the case of parental affection it's the idea of "offspring" that generates this affection. 

Also consider that you may feel you love someone, say your child with consistency, but your child would have completely changed in personality, intelligence and appearance 
in the space of a decade from his birth, and then likely more as he matures. 

So then I ask, how can anyone claim that their parents love them with all their hearts if they would most likely do the same for another person had you never been born? And how can any parents claim their love for their child is pure and undiluted if their child is but a genetic roll of dice that could've resulted in a trillion different possibilities, many of which could fall into the category of "lovable"?
And how pure is this love when it's felt for basically many different people whose only consistent feature is continuous metamorphosis? 
You can't, you can only love the idea of a person, an idea that is the combination of your inner construct and your sensory perception of said person.

That's why I've come to think that maybe, personal love is false.


----------



## E Lucevan Le Stelle

Varcolac said:


> What is love?



Baby don't hurt me...


----------



## JohnIce

On a lighter and less philosophical note, currently "courting" this nice young lady:












She's even a guitarplayer, even if it is in a Green Day-style punk pop band... with an Epiphone SG... ah hell I'll get her into 7-strings and Axe-Fx soon enough. Potential is potential!


----------



## silentrage

Hawt fucking damn John.


----------



## JohnIce

silentrage said:


> Hawt fucking damn John.


 
When life gives you lemons, throw away the lemon and get an orange. They taste better.


----------



## MSalonen

Haha, good score dude! It's awesome that she's also a musician, it makes it so much easier to relate to someone and communicate with them when they share and/or understand your own passions in life. I'd wish you good luck, but I don't think you'll need it.  

This would be the lady I've been referring to.











Right now we're taking things slow, which I don't mind. Just making sure I keep them exciting and interesting so they don't fizzle out.


----------



## silentrage

Where the fuck do you guys find these hot women who're into hard music? 
Tip a brother off here, don't hoard.


----------



## Soubi7string

Hope it works for ya bro!
metal ladies are hard and few and far to find


----------



## budda

last night my ex (pretty much with her for 2 years, though not officially) called, we talked, she said she has no plants to be in a committed relationship and answer to anyone any time in the future - so no, she doesn't want me back.

I want(ed) to marry her.

Time to focus on everything else, because now we're just friends and she doesn't feel anything more for me (saw her last weekend, hoped for at least Something..) and it was expected but still a little hard to swallow. I don't want to be with someone I can't marry, so we'll see how things go.


----------



## MSalonen

Well it's all done, and over, before it even started.

She said she felt too pressured, but not even by me at all. And that she was usually black and white on whether she liked someone or not, but I was the first time she was unsure. So she was making the decision to nip in in the bud and end it now, not liking me enough to pursue a relationship.

Fucking damn it. Ugh.


----------



## CrushingAnvil

I'd never go out with a chick who listened to the same music I do...


...Which is probably why I haven't had a girlfriend in 3 years


----------



## silentrage

Never?
I thought you'd want a chick with similar taste in music?


----------



## Fzau

JohnIce said:


> When life gives you lemons, throw away the lemon and get an orange. They taste better.


 
Indeedo. 
Throw away the lemons, you can still have a tequila oro party with oranges. 
(btw OMNOMNOMNOM tequila oro)


Seriously though, where are all the interesting ladies here.. I wonder..


----------



## jymellis

CrushingAnvil said:


> I'd never go out with a chick who listened to the same music I do...
> 
> 
> ...Which is probably why I haven't had a girlfriend in 3 years


 
me and my wife of 13 years like about 5 of the same bands lol. none of them metal.


----------



## JohnIce

I think common interests is an overrated thing in relationships. What it comes down to is how interested you are in the person you're with. If you really like her, and want to have a serious relationship and get to know her more deeply, then her interests SHOULD become interesting to you too. Because you want to know more about her.

Tbh, if I get with a girl again who draws the "we have no mutual interests, oh noes" card on me, I'll know it's not worth it. If she thinks that's a problem, it's because she's too egocentric to want to make an effort. That's all there is to it.


----------



## 13point9

JohnIce said:


> I think common interests is an overrated thing in relationships. What it comes down to is how interested you are in the person you're with. If you really like her, and want to have a serious relationship and get to know her more deeply, then her interests SHOULD become interesting to you too. Because you want to know more about her.
> 
> Tbh, if I get with a girl again who draws the "we have no mutual interests, oh noes" card on me, I'll know it's not worth it. If she thinks that's a problem, it's because she's too egocentric to want to make an effort. That's all there is to it.



QFT 

this reason was one of the main factors of my 3 year relationship going down the shitter last month


----------



## TreWatson

relationship-free sed saturday.

translation:

i got SO LAID.


----------



## Sang-Drax

MSalonen said:


> Well it's all done, and over, before it even started.
> 
> She said she felt too pressured, but not even by me at all. And that she was usually black and white on whether she liked someone or not, but I was the first time she was unsure. So she was making the decision to nip in in the bud and end it now, not liking me enough to pursue a relationship.
> 
> Fucking damn it. Ugh.



Awn, sorry to hear that, bro.


----------



## silentrage

I met a girl couple months ago, she was a lot like me in terms of interests, personality and life goals, but we fucking HATED each other.


----------



## renzoip

silentrage said:


> I met a girl couple months ago, she was a lot like me in terms of interests, personality and life goals, but we fucking HATED each other.



That's also happen to me. Sharing interests is definitely a plus but it's no guarantee two people will actually like each other. From experience, the upside of having differences in interests is that if you end up breaking up/fighting you won't be running into her at shows or when you are out having with your friends.


----------



## Fzau

TreKita said:


> relationship-free sed saturday.
> 
> translation:
> 
> i got SO LAID.


----------



## TreWatson

Fzau said:


>


 not gonna lie.

i totally needed it.


----------



## MSalonen

Sang-Drax said:


> Awn, sorry to hear that, bro.



Thanks. Mutual friends who are close to me have said that she sounds confused and that things might turn around, but I'm really not holding out for that or counting on it happening. Trying to move on past it, as hard as it is considering how much I like her.


----------



## JohnIce

MSalonen said:


> Thanks. Mutual friends who are close to me have said that she sounds confused and that things might turn around, but I'm really not holding out for that or counting on it happening. Trying to move on past it, as hard as it is considering how much I like her.


 
Sorry to hear it man, but you're definately doing the right thing. The quicker you stop thinking about it the sooner you'll feel happy and positive again. Try to think about past crushes/girlfriends that you no longer have any feelings for, and tell yourself this girl is no different in the grand scheme of things.


----------



## Peekaboo_eeeeek

Fzau said:


> Indeedo.
> Throw away the lemons, you can still have a tequila oro party with oranges.
> (btw OMNOMNOMNOM tequila oro)
> 
> 
> Seriously though, where are all the interesting ladies here.. I wonder..



Mmmmmm.....tequila.....

Depends what you mean by "interesting"...usually, it means one of 2 things: "interesting" as in has a social life & friends & does alot of stuff - in which case, they would be out being social & doing said stuff.
.....
Or - as is the case for most internets geekettes, "interesting" as in has a lot of 'personality' but no actual people skills outside the realms of the World Wide Web, and are therefore doomed to be frizzy-haired cat ladies sitting in a room lit only by a computer screen, forever....


----------



## Murmel

John is like the love guru of ss.org 
You should make a big ass topic about it.


----------



## Fzau

Peekaboo_eeeeek said:


> Mmmmmm.....tequila.....
> 
> Depends what you mean by "interesting"...usually, it means one of 2 things: "interesting" as in has a social life & friends & does alot of stuff - in which case, they would be out being social & doing said stuff.
> .....
> Or - as is the case for most internets geekettes, "interesting" as in has a lot of 'personality' but no actual people skills outside the realms of the World Wide Web, and are therefore doomed to be frizzy-haired cat ladies sitting in a room lit only by a computer screen, forever....


 
Are you implying that I'm secretly looking for internets geekettes? 

Interesting as in the things you stated + a personality that 'matches' mine. As well as good looking of course. 

Alas, it's been a while since I said to myself "Damn, I really want that girl!".


EDIT: And yeaaah, tequila is amazing.


----------



## silentrage

social life is for losers.


----------



## JohnIce

I'm meeting a very interesting girl with lots of personality tomorrow aswell, her style is perhaps a little too alternative for my ideal but she's fun as all hell, enjoys music from a devoted fan standpoint (as in drools at the sight of a sweaty man with a guitar, as it should be ), and is just generally gorgeous spelled with two D's... wish me luck


----------



## TreWatson

Peekaboo_eeeeek said:


> Mmmmmm.....tequila.....
> 
> Depends what you mean by "interesting"...usually, it means one of 2 things: "interesting" as in has a social life & friends & does alot of stuff - in which case, they would be out being social & doing said stuff.
> .....
> Or - as is the case for most internets geekettes, "interesting" as in has a lot of 'personality' but no actual people skills outside the realms of the World Wide Web, and are therefore doomed to be frizzy-haired cat ladies sitting in a room lit only by a computer screen, forever....


I like a mix of both.

then again, I'm boring as hell, girls aren;t into me. *shrug*


----------



## leandroab

JohnIce said:


> I'm meeting a very interesting girl with lots of personality tomorrow aswell, her style is perhaps a little too alternative for my ideal but she's fun as all hell, enjoys music from a devoted fan standpoint (as in drools at the sight of a sweaty man with a guitar, as it should be ), and is just generally gorgeous spelled with two D's... wish me luck



Lol, you don't need luck.


----------



## Peekaboo_eeeeek

TreKita said:


> I like a mix of both.
> 
> then again, I'm boring as hell, girls aren;t into me. *shrug*



No such thing as "girls just aren't into me". EVERYONE has chicks that find them attractive.However, whether you find them attractive in _return_ is a whole other matter 

Remember guys, lower standards = more bedroom antics 

P.s,
That is *MEANT* to be a joke,AKA humour, so please take it as such & don't start preaching moral integrity crap at me. It's neither appreciated nor taken notice of


----------



## Fzau

Peekaboo_eeeeek said:


> No such thing as "girls just aren't into me". EVERYONE has chicks that find them attractive.However, whether you find them attractive in _return_ is a whole other matter
> 
> Remember guys, lower standards = more bedroom antics
> 
> P.s,
> That is *MEANT* to be a joke,AKA humour, so please take it as such & don't start preaching moral integrity crap at me. It's neither appreciated nor taken notice of


 
I actually know quite a lot of dudes that think that way. 

And yeah, there will always be girls that are into you. At a hardcore festival two weeks ago there were tons of ('not even that unattractive') chicks who totally wanted the bassist of Madball. With all respect to the man, because he was superfriendly, that blew me away.

Funny story by the way. Every girl I've EVER kissed had a guitar.. all of them..


----------



## budda

Joined plentyoffish.com, sent out a few messages, no replies but only a couple deleted messages.

Had some cute girls check out my profile too, which is an esteem boost in and of itself haha. I miss having someone to think about, but if all goes well I'm going to be pretty pre-occupied.. and hitting stages.


----------



## vampiregenocide

JohnIce said:


> I'm meeting a very interesting girl with lots of personality tomorrow aswell, her style is perhaps a little too alternative for my ideal but she's fun as all hell, enjoys music from a devoted fan standpoint (as in drools at the sight of a sweaty man with a guitar, as it should be ), and is just generally gorgeous spelled with two D's... wish me luck


 
Good luck, not that a guy like you needs it. 



I've been seeing this girl lately as it goes, we're getting on really well and things are going slow but I think it's promising. Which is great because I've been single for 4 years.


----------



## Fzau

budda said:


> Joined plentyoffish.com, sent out a few messages, no replies but only a couple deleted messages.
> 
> Had some cute girls check out my profile too, which is an esteem boost in and of itself haha. I miss having someone to think about, but if all goes well I'm going to be pretty pre-occupied.. and hitting stages.


 
The internet is NOT a good place to get to know woman, dude. Unless you want internets geekettes Peekaboo was talking about earlier. 
Get out there!


----------



## Fzau

vampiregenocide said:


> I've been seeing this girl lately as it goes, we're getting on really well and things are going slow but I think it's promising. Which is great because I've been single for 4 years.


 
You show them who's boss, Ross! 

Single live can be awesome too though. 

EDIT: double post fail


----------



## vampiregenocide

Fzau said:


> You show them who's boss, Ross!
> 
> Single live can be awesome too though.
> 
> EDIT: double post fail


 
Will do dawg.  Yeah single can be fine, if you're attractive and can actually pull women.


----------



## DarkMythras

toastin in this epic bread 

But yeah, first post in this thread. In a long distance relationship, and by long distance I mean my girlfriend is doing Semester at Sea and shes on a boat halfway around the world for 4 months  shit sucks dude

We've been going out for 3 months now, and even before it got started I knew about SAS and we accepted the fact that we wouldn't be able to see each other for a long time come the end of August. Initially we both thought like "oh, we don't mind if we each fool around with other during this period" but then it got deep. I haven't cared this much for a person in a long time, and she's told be she's never loved anyone like this before. Especially after being single for 3 years, being in love is probably the warmest, most fuzzy feeling ever (plus the sex is good too!  )

Needless to say, we are tring to make this last. Any of you guys been in long distance relationships? How did you deal with them? Keep in mind shes on a ship right now in the middle of the Atlantic so the only way we can communicate is through emails, no skype or phone calls or anything  Maybe I can skype her in a week when she gets to port but there will be extended periods of just email communication.

Thanks for your help guys!


----------



## JohnIce

vampiregenocide said:


> Good luck, not that a guy like you needs it.
> 
> 
> 
> I've been seeing this girl lately as it goes, we're getting on really well and things are going slow but I think it's promising. Which is great because I've been single for 4 years.


 
'twas fucking NICE!  Hot, steamy and moderately violent ftw! 

Good luck with the girl, Ross! Slow is great, as long as you don't slouch off and get boring. The ideal is usually to let it grow slowly but surely, not just slowly 



vampiregenocide said:


> Will do dawg.  Yeah single can be fine, if you're attractive and can actually pull women.


 
Dude, you're lucky to be a dude. When you're a guy, you have so many more opportunities to make up for a lack of looks than you have as a girl. It's horrible but true. Girls are generally much less concerned about looks when choosing a guy than guys are when choosing a girl.

Having a great sense of humour will earn you points. Having many friends that like you and respect you also will. Having a good job, dressing nicely, nice car, nice shoes, anything that signifies that you are respected and providing can sometimes even overshadow what you look like.

A smoking hot guy with no friends, no money, no ambition and dresses like it won't stand a chance to a less-than-attractive guy who has the qualities I mentioned above.

If you're also willing to make the best out of what you have: i.e. get a nice haircut, well-fitting clothes, some nice cologne etc., it's usually all you need to look sufficiently good for the vast majority of girls. Posture and body language is also incredibly important, I should add.

And one final tip: Shoes. So many girls are crazy about shoes. They go shoe-shopping, they have spare shoes with them on a night out, they pick shoes according to outfit, so they WILL pay attention to your shoes aswell. And your shoes WILL affect what they think of you.


----------



## vampiregenocide

JohnIce said:


> 'twas fucking NICE!  Hot, steamy and moderately violent ftw!
> 
> Good luck with the girl, Ross! Slow is great, as long as you don't slouch off and get boring. The ideal is usually to let it grow slowly but surely, not just slowly
> 
> 
> Dude, you're lucky to be a dude. When you're a guy, you have so many more opportunities to make up for a lack of looks than you have as a girl. It's horrible but true. Girls are generally much less concerned about looks when choosing a guy than guys are when choosing a girl.
> 
> Having a great sense of humour will earn you points. Having many friends that like you and respect you also will. Having a good job, dressing nicely, nice car, nice shoes, anything that signifies that you are respected and providing can sometimes even overshadow what you look like.
> 
> A smoking hot guy with no friends, no money, no ambition and dresses like it won't stand a chance to a less-than-attractive guy who has the qualities I mentioned above.
> 
> If you're also willing to make the best out of what you have: i.e. get a nice haircut, well-fitting clothes, some nice cologne etc., it's usually all you need to look sufficiently good for the vast majority of girls. Posture and body language is also incredibly important, I should add.
> 
> And one final tip: Shoes. So many girls are crazy about shoes. They go shoe-shopping, they have spare shoes with them on a night out, they pick shoes according to outfit, so they WILL pay attention to your shoes aswell. And your shoes WILL affect what they think of you.


 
Cheers man.  And nah I try to keep em interested, without coming on too strong.

And yeah I get what you mean man, though I've always tried to kinda follow that advice. Unfortunately, my great sense of humour and whatnot that I get praised about often lands me in the friend zone.

Ha ha you should write a book on this shit dude, you know your women.


----------



## leandroab

Gimme sum shoez.


----------



## Fzau

+1 for everything John said and



JohnIce said:


> 'twas fucking NICE!  Hot, steamy and moderately violent ftw!


 
It seems we have the same taste dude. 



vampiregenocide said:


> And yeah I get what you mean man, though I've always tried to kinda follow that advice. Unfortunately, my great sense of humour and whatnot that I get praised about often lands me in the friend zone.


 
If you just make jokes all the time or being the funny guy, you often land in the friend zone as that one funny friend. Weird thing is, if you use your sense of humour to bust their balls they will love you for it most of the time. It's crazy but it's true. 

Oh and NEVER show them that you're really into them, have them guess. On top of that, if you can tell they're into you, accuse them of really liking you a lot. It works wonders for me, especially last Thursday. 

When it comes to shoes, my leather Macbeth Eliot Premium's seem to be popular. No idea if it's that important though. 


Finally to quote John: _"if you're also willing to make the best out of what you have: i.e. get a nice haircut, well-fitting clothes, some nice cologne etc., it's usually all you need to look sufficiently good for the vast majority of girls. Posture and body language is also incredibly important, I should add."_
Combine this with a good personality and girls will start noticing you in no time. Oh, and really get some nice cologne even though you might think it's gay.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Fzau said:


> (There's no story in Belgium that carries them though)[/SIZE]


 
Oh I'm by no means the funny guy, and I take the piss a bit. It just happens.  But as I said, things are going well with this girl. Shall keep you guys updated!


----------



## JohnIce

vampiregenocide said:


> Cheers man.  And nah I try to keep em interested, without coming on too strong.
> 
> And yeah I get what you mean man, though I've always tried to kinda follow that advice. Unfortunately, my great sense of humour and whatnot that I get praised about often lands me in the friend zone.
> 
> Ha ha you should write a book on this shit dude, you know your women.


 
Well there's different ways to be funny though... for example, reading the funnies in a newspaper is fun. Riding a wild roller coaster is also fun. But whereas the comics is only fun and nothing more, the roller coaster is fun, thrilling, exciting and memorable all at the same time.

Getting the girl to laugh is only half of what you want to achieve. Getting her to laugh while also heightening her interest and excitement about you, and make her think about you after you've left, THAT is the tricky part and it's different from just being "funny".

As he's been brought up before I might aswell mention him again: David DeAngelo makes a great point with his "C&F Technique". It stands for Cocky & Funny. Someone who's just cocky but not funny is an asshole. And someone who's funny but with no balls and fire becomes a friend. Combine the two though, and it's gold!

The cocky aspect keeps you from getting into the friend-zone, because you're too unpredictable, she can't fully trust you and she's a little unsure of how close you actually are. But because you're also funny, she's motivated to be with you, she enjoys your company and it keeps you from coming across as an asshole.

If your sense of humour and generally nice attitude gets you in the friend-zone, maybe you simply need to be a little more aggressive and edgy. I guess the word I'm looking for might be "flirty"  You're just not sending off a sexual vibe. You're _just_ funny.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Damn...man. You could have a career in this shit.


----------



## Fzau

vampiregenocide said:


> Damn...man. You could have a career in this shit.


 
I must say John can explain and put things to words extremely well.
I applaud you sir! But since I can't find the applause emoticon it's just


----------



## PeteyG

DarkMythras said:


> Any of you guys been in long distance relationships? How did you deal with them? Keep in mind shes on a ship right now in the middle of the Atlantic so the only way we can communicate is through emails, no skype or phone calls or anything  Maybe I can skype her in a week when she gets to port but there will be extended periods of just email communication.



I have a bit of perspective on this.

I've been with my current girlfriend for 3 years and 5 months now, and from about 6 months after we started the relationship I moved away to university.

This calculates to roughly about 8 months out of the year away from each other, and 5 months together, spread out. It's difficult but is nothing compared to what you're having to go through. All I can say is that my experience has gotten easier, it's not that you miss them less, just you deal with is much better than you did, and when you're together again, it's almost like you were never apart. I occasionally feel like I don't miss Nicky at all, but then when I think about it, I miss her more than anything.

With regards to my future, I have plans on being a travelling musician, being on the road and away from home for months at a time, and having limited access to the internet. Because of this myself and my girlfriend are going to use this last year of my degree as a good way to practice not being in contact so much through skype, and more through emails on a daily or weekly basis. I will also be using a private youtube account which we both have access to in order to upload little video messages and things like that.

When I first started university almost everyone in my housing block (about 20 people) was in a relationship of some sort, most had been in these relationships for longer than me. By the end of the first 6 months I was the only one still in that same relationship, and while it sucked for other people I learnt a couple of big lessons from seeing their relationships disintegrate first hand.

First of all, make sure you're interpreting your feelings of loneliness and longing for her properly. I've seen a lot of people use these feelings in the wrong way, and end up doing some very silly things, some even feel that it entitles them to go out and find some comfort from someone else.

Secondly keep reminding yourself of how you feel about them, we've all been in the situation where you begin to forget a persons effect on you. Next time you are together I suggest taking nice trips and taking photos, or even better, film of the both of you, small reminders of the person. 

Most importantly of all though, be logical about the situation. Many of my friends have ended relationships because of what I can only see as the selfish reason of stopping themselves from feeling the hurt of being away from their loved one. The simply question you have to ask yourself is this. Is it worth going through the pain so as to be with the person some of the time, or is it worth cutting off the relationship so as to not be with the person at all.

Otherwise just be frank and honest in the relationship, talk about how you feel, talk about how she feels. You can still share and have a wonderful relationship through the written word.

Edit: Oh and, be careful how you write things, be sure to proof read from her perspective, we all know that little sarcastic jokes and things can be misinterpreted, it's best to make sure that whatever you write comes out the right way on the other end.

Also, FUCK this is a long post. Apologies.


----------



## budda

DISTANCE SUCKS. That is all.


----------



## beefshoes

There is this Danish foreign exchange student that just arrived Friday at my school and she is very attractive. She is a year younger than me (Sophomore) she doesn't have my lunch, and I don't have any classes with her so I have no clue where to start. I am also the only other person in the school who has any knowledge of the Danish Language which is a plus I guess. (my mother is from Denmark and I have heard her speak it daily since I was born) Any help? I know I shouldn't really be aiming for a relationship considering she will be moving back eventually but still, I think it could be fun ;]


----------



## CatPancakes




----------



## DarkMythras

PeteyG said:


> Wall 'o text



No worries man, any input is appreciated.

I had to take summer classes because even though the university of california is technically one system, for some reason Santa Barbara and Berkeley can't get thier shit together so I'm stuck in SoCal  Nevertheless, there has been some distance for a while, but I would come home for 3 days a week so we would see each other frequently. Before I left to go back to school, we had a talk about what we wanted out of the relationship and we determined that we would roll with it and we didn't mind having an open relationship while she was gone. This talk occurred in June, but naturally we both got attached  and before she left for Nova Scotia we realized things had changed. 

As regards to reminders, I gave her my sweatshirt before she left, I told her whenever she feels lonely she can wear it and I'll be there by proxy. She's also found another girl who has a boyfriend back at home so she has someone to commiserate with. 

We will make it through it, I'm fairly sure of it. I've got self control like a mofo as does she, so we will make it. It's just 105 days is a long time 


And Budda, word distance blows. But whats the old addage? Love conquers all? Hopefully that holds true in this case 

Thanks for all the help guys, now the next step is to get her to listen to metal....

Also shit I wrote an essay too


----------



## silentrage

Girls are too much trouble, give me some porn/weed/guitar or just shoot me in the face and put me out of my misery.


----------



## renzoip

JohnIce said:


> Dude, you're lucky to be a dude. When you're a guy, you have so many more opportunities to make up for a lack of looks than you have as a girl. It's horrible but true. Girls are generally much less concerned about looks when choosing a guy than guys are when choosing a girl.
> 
> Having a great sense of humour will earn you points. Having many friends that like you and respect you also will. Having a good job, dressing nicely, nice car, nice shoes, anything that signifies that you are respected and providing can sometimes even overshadow what you look like.
> 
> A smoking hot guy with no friends, no money, no ambition and dresses like it won't stand a chance to a less-than-attractive guy who has the qualities I mentioned above.
> 
> If you're also willing to make the best out of what you have: i.e. get a nice haircut, well-fitting clothes, some nice cologne etc., it's usually all you need to look sufficiently good for the vast majority of girls. Posture and body language is also incredibly important, I should add.
> 
> And one final tip: Shoes. So many girls are crazy about shoes. They go shoe-shopping, they have spare shoes with them on a night out, they pick shoes according to outfit, so they WILL pay attention to your shoes aswell. And your shoes WILL affect what they think of you.





I must agree 100% with this. Surprisingly, guys are usually way more shallow than women are. I consider myself to be the type of guy who is more into personality than looks. However, if don't find a girl attractive and stylish, chances are I'm not going o approach her and probably won't find out what kind of personality she has. 

With regards to your look, there is nothing wrong with stepping up your game. I, for the longest time, refused to wear any kind of fragrance for the longest time. But now that I've been wearing nice colognes for a while, I must say they do wonders with the ladies. 

As far as shoes go, just make sure they suit both your outfit and the occasion being. If any piece of your outfit is a piece of conversation, that's points for you. Many times, I have started conversations with girls who came and complemented me about something I was wearing.

In the end, whatever you do make sure to do it not because of what anyone else might think but rather because you will feel good. On the other hand, be open minded when trying new things, you might end up enjoying things that you wouldn't have though you did had you not given it a chance.


----------



## JohnIce

^ Women also have a better sense of smell than men... I've read up to 7x but that seems a bit exaggerated. Either way, you may aswell accept it as a fact of life that women WILL detect smells that you don't. So showering often and investing those extra bucks in cologne and maybe a nicer "brand" deodourant is a smart move. Same goes for your down-under soldier of course... keep him fresh and put on clean underwear.

And as you say renzo, feeling good about themselves is something a lot of men, for some reason, neglect to fully do. I mean becoming precious about your hair and clothes etc. might not feel natural to you at all, but once you put in that extra effort, look at yourself in the mirror and go out and reap the benefits... chances are you WILL feel better about yourself. As long as you don't stray too far from the nest and doll yourself up in something you really don't feel comfortable with, of course.


----------



## CatPancakes

(1:12:29 AM) #############: RANDOM URGE TO WATCH PRINCESS MONONOKE
(1:19:59 AM) CrawlingChaos222: !
(1:20:37 AM) CrawlingChaos222: i wish you were here with me
(1:20:58 AM) CrawlingChaos222: we could watch princess mononoke until out brains rotted!
(1:21:47 AM) #############: aww! i wish i was there to watch it with you too <3

Me and my GF are a bit... special...


----------



## DarkMythras

JohnIce said:


> ^ Women also have a better sense of smell than men... I've read up to 7x but that seems a bit exaggerated. Either way, you may aswell accept it as a fact of life that women WILL detect smells that you don't. So showering often and investing those extra bucks in cologne and maybe a nicer "brand" deodourant is a smart move. Same goes for your down-under soldier of course... keep him fresh and put on clean underwear.
> 
> And as you say renzo, feeling good about themselves is something a lot of men, for some reason, neglect to fully do. I mean becoming precious about your hair and clothes etc. might not feel natural to you at all, but once you put in that extra effort, look at yourself in the mirror and go out and reap the benefits... chances are you WILL feel better about yourself. As long as you don't stray too far from the nest and doll yourself up in something you really don't feel comfortable with, of course.



I agree. Confidence, confidence, CONFIDENCE. If ladies know that you know that you smell good they will be more attracted to you. Hell, I me my current girlfriend by her commenting on how good I smelled  But evolutionarily, it makes sense that women have a a better sense of smell than men-they were the gatherers and they had to identify the berries!

Women are attracted to power. Men usually display power via confidence, vis-a-vis women are attracted to confidence. Looking good, smelling good, and feeling good are major aphrodisiacs to women. As random as it is women love that and I found by being confident and smelling good you can attract 80% of the women out there


----------



## Deadnightshade

DarkMythras said:


> As random as it is women love that and I found by being confident and smelling good you can attract 80% of the women out there



Should i wear a condom on my nose???


----------



## DarkMythras

Deadnightshade said:


> Should i wear a condom on my nose???



Probably not  although if you are drunk enough and confident enough it could turn on some chicks


----------



## Daggorath

silentrage said:


> Girls are too much trouble, give me some porn/weed/guitar or just shoot me in the face and put me out of my misery.



They are trouble, but not "too much". The pros outweigh the cons for me.

Sex/weed/guitar is far better.


----------



## Konfyouzd

silentrage said:


> Girls are too much trouble, give me some porn/weed/guitar or just shoot me in the face and put me out of my misery.


 
I like this... 

@Dag - Sex is pretty awesome but I still think it's a bit overrated...


----------



## JohnIce

Konfyouzd said:


> @Dag - Sex is pretty awesome but I still think it's a bit overrated...


 
Then you are doing it wrong, bromie! 

wub


----------



## Mexi

JohnIce said:


> Then you are doing it wrong, bromie!
> 
> wub



though I would agree with Kon's point in the sense that sex often has ruined lives via teen pregnancy and adultery and really only seems to complicate and fuck things up rather than being the end-all-and-be-all of human experiences. that said, it is quite awesome, but shouldn't be the singular motivating force behind mens' search for significant others.


----------



## JohnIce

Mexi said:


> though I would agree with Kon's point in the sense that sex often has ruined lives via teen pregnancy and adultery and really only seems to complicate and fuck things up rather than being the end-all-and-be-all of human experiences. that said, it is quite awesome, but shouldn't be the singular motivating force behind mens' search for significant others.


 
Well the two kind of work off each other... sex without love isn't necessarily the most awesome thing ever, and love without sexual attraction is boring. It's the way they build up together that's the beauty of it.


----------



## vampiregenocide

I am officially off the single list after 4 years.


----------



## JohnIce

vampiregenocide said:


> I am officially off the single list after 4 years.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Thanks dude?


----------



## anthonyferguson

vampiregenocide said:


> I am officially off the single list after 4 years.



Pics. Nao.

EDIT: Just facebook stalked her, good pull man!


----------



## vampiregenocide

tonywozere said:


> Pics. Nao.
> 
> EDIT: Just facebook stalked her, good pull man!


 
Ha ha cheers man


----------



## CatPancakes

tonywozere said:


> Pics. Nao.
> 
> EDIT: Just facebook stalked her, good pull man!



Oh god. Is "facebook stalked" now a verb? Fuck.


----------



## JohnIce

Personally I find that Facebook has taken the edge off stalking... there's just no sport to it anymore.


----------



## Jayystew

vampiregenocide said:


> I am officially off the single list after 4 years.




I'm officially ON the list after 2 years. woot!


----------



## metal_sam14

Time to let SS know that I have a wonderful girlfriend who I am incredibly happy with  after being fucked over by 2 girls and 8 months of being single, earlier this year I met the most amazing girl, who is now my girlfriend and I couldn't be happier


----------



## vampiregenocide

Congrats man


----------



## Fzau

vampiregenocide said:


> I am officially off the single list after 4 years.


 
And she's cute as hell! 

Although I must admit I saw this one coming as your facebook conversation where a bit flirty to say the least.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Fzau said:


> And she's cute as hell!
> 
> Although I must admit I saw this one coming as your facebook conversation where a bit flirty to say the least.


 
Cheers! And ha ha yeah we've been seeing each other a while.


----------



## eventhetrees

I need to man up and just tell the girl I like how I feel. We've hung out a lot, she's made herself totally obvious to me yet she still acts nervous cause she's unsure about how I feel yet her nervousness makes me too nervous to straight up reply. I see her again in a week, possibly before that too....we'll see what happens. It's been a year since my last relationship...need to man up. I'm normally perfectly fine and confident, I just like her too much and don't wanna blow it by doing something dumb!


----------



## eventhetrees

Wow..I got the top of the page...sorry for the double post but. My best friends that are girls are telling me she's waiting on me and that I should stop being a pussy. I will see her saturday (maybe before then). Time to man up.


----------



## vampiregenocide

eventhetrees said:


> Wow..I got the top of the page...sorry for the double post but. My best friends that are girls are telling me she's waiting on me and that I should stop being a pussy. I will see her saturday (maybe before then). Time to man up.


 
Fuck yeah man you can do it. I'm channeling all my new found love confidence and manliness to you, use it well.


----------



## Murmel

vampiregenocide said:


> Fuck yeah man you can do it. I'm channeling all my new found love confidence and manliness to you, use it well.


I'll give all of mine too, it ain't much but it should help a little bit 
I'm a true pussy when it comes to telling girls how I feel for them.


----------



## eventhetrees

Thanks dudes.

I've been given like so many green lights. Last time we went out. I was gonna take her out. She flipped all the plans on me and ended up taking ME out...like fuck....ugh...so ready!!!!!


----------



## Murmel

eventhetrees said:


> Thanks dudes.
> 
> I've been given like so many green lights. Last time we went out. I was gonna take her out. She flipped all the plans on me and ended up taking ME out...like fuck....ugh...so ready!!!!!


I don't know if you've seen the episode of Family Guy when Brian takes it sloooow with a girl, but that's what I picture on my head.


----------



## eventhetrees

LMAO yeah, I've seen that episode.


----------



## Fzau

Murmel said:


> I'll give all of mine too, it ain't much but it should help a little bit
> I'm a true pussy when it comes to *telling* girls how I feel for them.


 
Am I the only one who thinks it doesn't work that way?
In my opinion you don't _tell_ girls you like them if you aren't together yet, you _show_ it in your behavior. 
I think telling someone takes all the excitement away from the 'game' of attraction (does he/she like me or not?). 

I'm not saying telling them is wrong, I just enjoy the indirect approach WAY more and I know a lot of girls here do so too (feel free to correct me Peekaboo ). 

Never have I said to a girl that I really liked her/loved her before we were in some sort of a relationship. I do turn the roles around though (You must really like me! etc.) 

If there's no way you could connect using the indirect approach it's not going to change if you suddenly tell them you love/like them. 

But like I said, just my two cents here. Whatever works for you.


----------



## Murmel

Yeah dude ofcourse you show her, but you CAN tell her too


----------



## eventhetrees

Fzau said:


> Am I the only one who thinks it doesn't work that way?
> In my opinion you don't _tell_ girls you like them if you aren't together yet, you _show_ it in your behavior.
> I think telling someone takes all the excitement away from the 'game' of attraction (does he/she like me or not?).
> 
> I'm not saying telling them is wrong, I just enjoy the indirect approach WAY more and I know a lot of girls here do so too (feel free to correct me Peekaboo ).
> 
> If there's no way you could connect using the indirect approach it's not going to change if you suddenly tell them you love/like them.
> 
> But like I said, just my two cents here. Whatever works for you.



very true. Some of my friends are telling me to just call her up and say it. But no, I wanna wait till I see her again and just show it more. She's shown it enough back to me in her own way for me to step it up. I've done the telling my feelings before were together and its blown up in my face! Do that once you're a bit established.


----------



## Fzau

eventhetrees said:


> very true. Some of my friends are telling me to just call her up and say it. But no, I wanna wait till I see her again and just show it more. She's shown it enough back to me in her own way for me to step it up. I've done the telling my feelings before were together and its blown up in my face! Do that once you're a bit established.


 
If you're positive that she likes you, next time you meet up and have a moment alone try to take it further perhaps? 
Create a right mood, look in her eyes, maybe even go for a kiss? 

Stay confident, mate. You can do it!


----------



## eventhetrees

Fzau said:


> If you're positive that she likes you, next time you meet up and have a moment alone try to take it further perhaps?
> Create a right mood, look in her eyes, maybe even go for a kiss?
> 
> Stay confident, mate. You can do it!



Yeah exactly. Like last time we hung out, I could have done it and chickened out, and the second time it was in the doorway of her house. Her parents are kinda strict (by the looks of it) so I don't wanna get in trouble right off the bat...but I made my feelings a bit more obvious, but not as obvious as I should have.

Next time I'll be ready.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Ask the fuck out of that girl or I'll come over there and beat you. All the way from the UK. I will do it.


----------



## eventhetrees

vampiregenocide said:


> Ask the fuck out of that girl or I'll come over there and beat you. All the way from the UK. I will do it.



Thank you. I actually appreciate this haha.

Don't worry next time I see her. I'm house sitting in downtown Toronto and we're going out to a vegan/vegetarian food fair (she's a pescetarian, vegetarian but still eats fish). Yeah, should be a fun day!


----------



## vampiregenocide

eventhetrees said:


> Thank you. I actually appreciate this haha.
> 
> Don't worry next time I see her. I'm house sitting in downtown Toronto and we're going out to a vegan/vegetarian food fair (she's a pescetarian, vegetarian but still eats fish). Yeah, should be a fun day!


 
Good to hear sir. Best of luck, make SS.org proud.


----------



## Deathmetal94564

I honestly wouldn't give a damn. mainly cause I just end up regretting being with them in the 1st place


----------



## eventhetrees

vampiregenocide said:


> Good to hear sir. Best of luck, make SS.org proud.


Will do and I'll keep you guys posted as progress is made!


----------



## Fzau

vampiregenocide said:


> Ask the fuck out of that girl or I'll come over there and beat you. All the way from the UK. I will do it.


 
Would you mind coming over here and slapping me too, Ross?
I kinda deserve it. 





Ok wtf


----------



## Joeywilson

Deathmetal94564 said:


> I honestly wouldn't give a damn. mainly cause I just end up regretting being with them in the 1st place



Hey Positive Pete!


----------



## vampiregenocide

Fzau said:


> Would you mind coming over here and slapping me too, Ross?
> I kinda deserve it.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ok wtf


----------



## Fzau

The new academic year is about to begin here. Which means, shitloads of parties!  AND loads of nice girls.


----------



## Konfyouzd

vampiregenocide said:


> Fuck yeah man you can do it. I'm channeling all my new found love confidence and manliness to you, use it well.


 
Can't have any of mine... I seem to have misplaced it. But I will wish you good luck...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Deathmetal94564 said:


> I honestly wouldn't give a damn. mainly cause I just end up regretting being with them in the 1st place


 
Bitterness... Cheer up, guy!


----------



## JohnIce

Deathmetal94564 said:


> I honestly wouldn't give a damn. mainly cause I just end up regretting being with them in the 1st place


 
No. 1: Be with better girls then!

... yeah that was the only point in my list.


----------



## Mr Violence

Girlfriend broke up with me last night. Feels bad man. Reasons being that she needs to focus on her career because her mother pushes her hard sp she can live vicariously through her because her mom's life wasn't as good as she wanted it.

So she graduated college a year early, got an internship with an enormously popular studio in NYC for photography. I visit her constantly and pay for her to come see me in Syracuse. This month she's home and she's been distant and I ask about it. Since she thinks the most important thing is moving forward with her career, I'm a burden and she's leaving me.

She's such an amazing person. But I guess this is the name of the game sometimes. She also told me I'm the first person she's ever felt like she could see herself spending a long time with. She didn't retract that statement, but right now she can't be together with me to get a job faster.

The fucking logic man. I'm sorry for ranting, but that's what this thread is about right? Fuck. So I'm supremely fucking bummed.

Fuck.


----------



## Randy




----------



## vampiregenocide

Mr Violence said:


> Girlfriend broke up with me last night. Feels bad man. Reasons being that she needs to focus on her career because her mother pushes her hard sp she can live vicariously through her because her mom's life wasn't as good as she wanted it.
> 
> So she graduated college a year early, got an internship with an enormously popular studio in NYC for photography. I visit her constantly and pay for her to come see me in Syracuse. This month she's home and she's been distant and I ask about it. Since she thinks the most important thing is moving forward with her career, I'm a burden and she's leaving me.
> 
> She's such an amazing person. But I guess this is the name of the game sometimes. She also told me I'm the first person she's ever felt like she could see herself spending a long time with. She didn't retract that statement, but right now she can't be together with me to get a job faster.
> 
> The fucking logic man. I'm sorry for ranting, but that's what this thread is about right? Fuck. So I'm supremely fucking bummed.
> 
> Fuck.


 
It makes sense on her part, as upsetting as it is. Hopefully in time maybe she can find time for you.


----------



## Mr Violence

vampiregenocide said:


> It makes sense on her part, as upsetting as it is. Hopefully in time maybe she can find time for you.



Love you guys. She tried to take it back today, but she ultimately decided until she's happy, she can't try to make someone else happy.

It sucks, because that's sound logic. Part of the reason why I like her so much. Not often you find someone smart AND smoking hot.

Fuck. Again. I'm done here. Thanks for listening, guys.


----------



## mmr007

mmmmm.... relationships are bad....mmmmmkay?


----------



## Sjusovaren

What, John broke up with his (I guess it's former now) girlfriend? I haven't been on here in too long.


----------



## eventhetrees

Mr Violence said:


> Love you guys. She tried to take it back today, but she ultimately decided until she's happy, she can't try to make someone else happy.
> 
> It sucks, because that's sound logic. Part of the reason why I like her so much. Not often you find someone smart AND smoking hot.
> 
> Fuck. Again. I'm done here. Thanks for listening, guys.



You can still be in a relationship just not be as "active" as you previously were. At least she didn't do anything awful (like cheat or something behind your back) and was honest and forward with you. Remain good friends and hopefully you two (as vampiregenocide said) will find each other again.

You do reserve the right to be bummed dude, it sucks but by the sounds of it to me it has a possibility of working out in the end for you two. Be supportive of her endeavors, as hard as that may be. I dunno what else to say dude other than best of luck!


----------



## BrainArt

Every time I see this thread bumped, my heart sinks somewhat, because I can't really contribute. 

I need to get myself into the dating game, but before I do, I need to do a little work on myself. Job, car, mental stability... Then, I'll get out there.

I haven't had a "girlfriend" for five years, it's ridiculous, and even then, that "relationship" wasn't really a relationship. It lasted two weeks.


----------



## JohnIce

IbanezShredderB said:


> Every time I see this thread bumped, my heart sinks somewhat, because I can't really contribute.
> 
> I need to get myself into the dating game, but before I do, I need to do a little work on myself. Job, car, mental stability... Then, I'll get out there.
> 
> I haven't had a "girlfriend" for five years, it's ridiculous, and even then, that "relationship" wasn't really a relationship. It lasted two weeks.


 
I don't have a job or a car  I do have mental stability though... that one is kinda good to have, I'll agree on that one.

In my opinion, the most important thing when getting back in the dating game is simply to be at peace and comfortable with your single state, feel good about yourself and your current social circle, and go into it with a "No girl - no loss" mentality. Many guys go out desperate to get laid or get a girlfriend, and they either end up trying too hard or choking entirely, go home alone, and feel terrible. Every time.

It's often said that women are attracted to confidence, but confidence is also important for YOU. If you're happy with yourself and can appreciate yourself, then the idea of getting laid or not, getting rejected or not etc. becomes a minor issue in the grand scheme of things.

And about rejection, remember that it can happen because of several things that _you_ can't see: The girl has a boyfriend, or her friend just broke up and needs her attention more than you do, or she's been sleeping around lately and is afraid to get labeled as a slut, she's on her period... tons of stuff can be going on that doesn't have anything to do with you, but make her unwilling to hook up with some random dude (you).

So don't take rejection personally, because if you do it's only your loss. And yeah maybe she didn't like you because you weren't pretty enough, fuck knows, she's history now, it's unimportant.

Another good thing to think about when seeing other guys hooking up with hot chicks at a club, is that most of them probably had previous contact with those girls. The hottest chicks I've picked up at clubs have always been ones I've talked to previously and already broken the ice with. Girls gossip like crazy and many of them are afraid to be labeled as easy, so to be honest many of them don't hook up with unknown guys at bars.

And here I go again with walls of text... I'm a pretentious fucker, indeed.


----------



## BrainArt

JohnIce said:


> I don't have a job or a car  I do have mental stability though... that one is kinda good to have, I'll agree on that one.
> 
> In my opinion, the most important thing when getting back in the dating game is simply to be at peace and comfortable with your single state, feel good about yourself and your current social circle, and go into it with a "No girl - no loss" mentality. Many guys go out desperate to get laid or get a girlfriend, and they either end up trying too hard or choking entirely, go home alone, and feel terrible. Every time.
> 
> It's often said that women are attracted to confidence, but confidence is also important for YOU. If you're happy with yourself and can appreciate yourself, then the idea of getting laid or not, getting rejected or not etc. becomes a minor issue in the grand scheme of things.
> 
> And about rejection, remember that it can happen because of several things that _you_ can't see: The girl has a boyfriend, or her friend just broke up and needs her attention more than you do, or she's been sleeping around lately and is afraid to get labeled as a slut, she's on her period... tons of stuff can be going on that doesn't have anything to do with you, but make her unwilling to hook up with some random dude (you).
> 
> So don't take rejection personally, because if you do it's only your loss. And yeah maybe she didn't like you because you weren't pretty enough, fuck knows, she's history now, it's unimportant.
> 
> Another good thing to think about when seeing other guys hooking up with hot chicks at a club, is that most of them probably had previous contact with those girls. The hottest chicks I've picked up at clubs have always been ones I've talked to previously and already broken the ice with. Girls gossip like crazy and many of them are afraid to be labeled as easy, so to be honest many of them don't hook up with unknown guys at bars.
> 
> And here I go again with walls of text... I'm a pretentious fucker, indeed.



It's all good, mate! 

Yeah, I'm definitely confident in myself (sometimes a little too much, I think), so I know that I'd be able to pull some hot pieces of tail once I do get out there, because to be honest, I am a sexy fucker.  But like I said, right now I'll be working on myself, first and foremost. Need some new threads, a better rig, need to get in better shape, etc..


----------



## Fzau

JohnIce said:


> I don't have a job or a car  I do have mental stability though... that one is kinda good to have, I'll agree on that one.
> 
> In my opinion, the most important thing when getting back in the dating game is simply to be at peace and comfortable with your single state, feel good about yourself and your current social circle, and go into it with a "No girl - no loss" mentality. Many guys go out desperate to get laid or get a girlfriend, and they either end up trying too hard or choking entirely, go home alone, and feel terrible. Every time.
> 
> It's often said that women are attracted to confidence, but confidence is also important for YOU. If you're happy with yourself and can appreciate yourself, then the idea of getting laid or not, getting rejected or not etc. becomes a minor issue in the grand scheme of things.
> 
> And about rejection, remember that it can happen because of several things that _you_ can't see: The girl has a boyfriend, or her friend just broke up and needs her attention more than you do, or she's been sleeping around lately and is afraid to get labeled as a slut, she's on her period... tons of stuff can be going on that doesn't have anything to do with you, but make her unwilling to hook up with some random dude (you).
> 
> So don't take rejection personally, because if you do it's only your loss. And yeah maybe she didn't like you because you weren't pretty enough, fuck knows, she's history now, it's unimportant.
> 
> Another good thing to think about when seeing other guys hooking up with hot chicks at a club, is that most of them probably had previous contact with those girls. The hottest chicks I've picked up at clubs have always been ones I've talked to previously and already broken the ice with. Girls gossip like crazy and many of them are afraid to be labeled as easy, so to be honest many of them don't hook up with unknown guys at bars.
> 
> And here I go again with walls of text... I'm a pretentious fucker, indeed.


 
Listen to this man/god. He knows what He's talking about. 
Especially the confidence part is spot on. It's quite interesting how that has changed me and my 'game' in the past three months. Before, I didn't even notice I was getting any attention from girls - whereas now, I meet new girls constantly, have no trouble picking up girls and generally feel way better about myself. 

Oh and yes, you are a pretentious fuck! 



IbanezShredderB said:


> It's all good, mate!
> 
> Yeah, I'm definitely confident in myself (sometimes a little too much, I think), so I know that I'd be able to pull some hot pieces of tail once I do get out there, because to be honest, I am a sexy fucker.  But like I said, right now I'll be working on myself, first and foremost. Need some new threads, a better rig, need to get in better shape, etc..


 
You ARE a sexy fucker, Brandon! 













Ok wut? 

It's true that you should 'work' on yourself first. Guess it's a matter of 'getting yourself together' or however you would describe it.

Although I don't quite understand how a new rig will improve your succes with the ladies. 
Unless it's compensation for something?


----------



## vampiregenocide

Brandon <3


----------



## Murmel

For the first time evaaaar, I'm better friends with a girl in my class than the guys (except for one dude whom I've known for like 10 years..)
Feels kinda strange at first  But I enjoy it.

And John, hade you seen the tags for the thread? Awesome.


----------



## BrainArt

Fzau said:


> Listen to this man/god. He knows what He's talking about.
> Especially the confidence part is spot on. It's quite interesting how that has changed me and my 'game' in the past three months. Before, I didn't even notice I was getting any attention from girls - whereas now, I meet new girls constantly, have no trouble picking up girls and generally feel way better about myself.
> 
> Oh and yes, you are a pretentious fuck!
> 
> 
> 
> You ARE a sexy fucker, Brandon!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ok wut?
> 
> It's true that you should 'work' on yourself first. Guess it's a matter of 'getting yourself together' or however you would describe it.
> 
> Although I don't quite understand how a new rig will improve your succes with the ladies.
> Unless it's compensation for something?


Oh trust me, Tom. I am listening to Dr. Love.

The rig is more for myself than trying to help with the ladies, because I know it won't. 



vampiregenocide said:


> Brandon <3



Ross. <3

I love you guys.


----------



## leandroab

I need to get into a relationship. Engineering is frying my brain, my mental state is going down the drain, and brazilian poon is relentless and unforgiving...


----------



## Prydogga

Poor Leandro...


----------



## JeffFromMtl

leandroab said:


> brazilian poon is relentless and unforgiving...



Sigworthy


----------



## Fzau

IbanezShredderB said:


> I love you guys.


 
Who needs relationships when there's so much  here on ss.org!


----------



## LUCKY7




----------



## TreWatson

*adopts his "i fell off the wagon again" tone of voice*

...I'm banging the ex again.

not the most recent. the OLDEST one.


----------



## CoachZ

leandroab said:


> I need to get into a relationship. Engineering is frying my brain, my mental state is going down the drain, and brazilian poon is relentless and unforgiving...



I hear you dude, I just started a computer engineering degree. No girls in sight and man, that shit's stressful. There goes my confidence.


----------



## avenger

Alright I am wondering the general feeling on this one I already know how I feel about it just wondering what SS thinks of when this happens.

I met some random girl at a large concert last night and hit it off really well. I thought at first one of the guys she was with was her BF so I sneakly made some comment well I dont want to make your BF jealous. She tells me ohh hes just my best friend! 

So we are having a blast drinking, dancing to the music, singing to each other, etc. She has no problem getting close both body and face wise. I dont think we really "made out" but we were close and somewhat physical the whole time. 

She gave me her info's and one of the guys she was with came up to me and told me "hey man she has a boyfriend". I kinda played it cool did the ole oh yeah thats cool Im just here to have a good time sorry if I pissed him off. So I gave myself abit of distance to her but she kept coming back and we would end up holding each other whilst dancing and singing. 

After the show ended she told me well I guess we have to go our seperate ways now but to call her etc. then gave me a way to friendly hug and another and another.

I have no moral problems if she actaully does have a boyfriend pursuing things with her. I mean she isnt married and its not like she wasnt having a great time or I was being forceful about anything. 

Does SS think its wrong to go for it even if she has a BF? 

I am going to call her lol.


----------



## leandroab

Just call her. Maybe start a friend ship, if she REALLY has a BF. Then bang her.


----------



## avenger

leandroab said:


> Just call her. Maybe start a friend ship, if she REALLY has a BF. Then bang her.


Well I am saying etheir way I would bang her but probaly do the friend bang route. 

I was justing wondering if SS thought it was wrong to go after women who arent single.


----------



## Mason Vickers

I need some advice, on a rather damn stupid situation.

I met this girl a month (4 weeks about,) ago. Typical "I've seen you around" and we had mutual friends so she messaged me on facebook for my number. Being the long-time single twerp I am, took this as a sign of her liking me in at least some menial way. So we texted, said I should walk her to class the next day. That ensued, and it was pretty much as casual as you can get. Just normal "How was your day?" 5 minute conversation. We hugged, she left. Happened everyday that week. That weekend, I ran into her at the mall, decided to pull a bitch move and ditched my friends to go walk with her. She was kinda flirty atm, so I just went with it. We ended up making out only to see my older sister over her shoulder.. hahaha. But nonetheless, I ended up asking her out after a few more hours. 

I've been with her for just over three weeks, and I'm starting to regret rushing things. I found out she's a pothead, which I can cope with. She's on probation for truency, which I can also cope with. I've had a few of my friends who can't stand her (I have no idea why) stop talking to me. I've had seeeeeveral people tell me how she's a slut and what not, which I find hard to believe. Me being a stay-at-home-and-play-guitar all day every day kind of guy, am a virgin so it bugs me in the slightest. And her ex died 6 months ago of a heroin OD, that was interesting.

I just feel like there may not be enough chemistry for me to actually try for all this to work. Like I'm happy when I'm with her, but I don't miss her as much as I have other girls. I.E., She's been gone the last 5 days in England with no phone/internet, and I only slightly with she was still here. But as soon as I'm with her, I'm head over heels.

I don't know exactly what I'm asking, but. Suggestions? 

Sorry for my wall of n00b-dating issues.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Dude, that girl sounds like nothing but problems. Sure, she may be cool or hot or both. Whatever. Nobody needs a girl with that sort of baggage and reputation. Run, son, run.

On a side note, I've had an interesting week girl-wise. At a party, I saw my most recent ex for only the third time since I broke up with her in March. Before we dated, we were best friends for over 4 years, so it's been strange just not seeing her. When we parted ways, I told her that I missed having her in my life (mistake? maybe) and I guess she took it the wrong way, because she agreed and texted me at around 1 in the morning using her old pet name for me. Then, 30 minutes ago, I started getting drunken texts from another ex I haven't seen in at least a year. Exes


----------



## avenger

JeffFromMtl said:


> Dude, that girl sounds like nothing but problems. Sure, she may be cool or hot or both. Whatever. Nobody needs a girl with that sort of baggage and reputation. Run, son, run.
> 
> On a side note, I've had an interesting week girl-wise. At a party, I saw my most recent ex for only the third time since I broke up with her in March. Before we dated, we were best friends for over 4 years, so it's been strange just not seeing her. When we parted ways, I told her that I missed having her in my life (mistake? maybe) and I guess she took it the wrong way, because she agreed and texted me at around 1 in the morning using her old pet name for me. Then, 30 minutes ago, I started getting drunken texts from another ex I haven't seen in at least a year. Exes


Crazy Ex's eh? I find they are good for the random sex that sometimes comes with with hanging out with them as long as you can keep the emotional side in check.

Also banging an ex who is with another guy at the time is the biggest ego boost I have yet to experiance. 

Sleazy? Maybe.


----------



## Mason Vickers

JeffFromMtl said:


> Dude, that girl sounds like nothing but problems. Sure, she may be cool or hot or both. Whatever. Nobody needs a girl with that sort of baggage and reputation. Run, son, run.
> 
> On a side note, I've had an interesting week girl-wise. At a party, I saw my most recent ex for only the third time since I broke up with her in March. Before we dated, we were best friends for over 4 years, so it's been strange just not seeing her. When we parted ways, I told her that I missed having her in my life (mistake? maybe) and I guess she took it the wrong way, because she agreed and texted me at around 1 in the morning using her old pet name for me. Then, 30 minutes ago, I started getting drunken texts from another ex I haven't seen in at least a year. Exes



As lame as taking advice over the internet may be, I think that's swaying my decision in the ending-this direction.

Espcially since she's supposed to be back in town/contact tomorrow, and I caught her online on facebook an hour ago, and texted her if she was home. 
"umm, yeah. Since ten this morning." <- there we go.

Thanks, bro.


----------



## Fzau

Who added the "Johnice's sexoil" tag?


----------



## vampiregenocide

'get laid johnice-style'


----------



## TheSilentWater

"johnice brand meatsocks" - Never noticed that before.


----------



## JohnIce




----------



## eventhetrees

So um today is Saturday and I saw her again yesterday and something interesting to say the least happened. 

Don't worry vampiregenocide I took all your dudes advice and did the moves I can. 

On Saturday I was gonna go to the Vegetarian Food Fair with one of my best friends (who's a girl) and yeah, the girl I like has met her before, we're all

...

This all don't matter, I feel like taking this post down 

I overall feel indifferent about everything, cause she is awesome, it could be great and I did want it, but I dunno, it's awful to force it I guess. Next time I should stop exactly what I'm doing now (WRITING BRICK WALLS OF TEXT and TALKING/THINKING WAY TOO MUCH ABOUT STUFF AND JUST DOOO IT!)

That's my advice to SS.ORG, just fucking do it if you like a girl and your even getting a slightly good vibe back, don't be a wuss like I am and yeah.

Blah...this is WAS A big brick wall UNTIL ITS DISSAPEARED AHAHAHAAH hahahaah


----------



## Fzau

Holy shit, I actually met a cool interesting girl this week! 
I do actually meet new girls quite often in case some of you were thinking otherwise. 

And I can tell she digs me an awful lot! We'll see how things progress from here 



vampiregenocide said:


> 'get laid johnice-style'


 
Guilty


----------



## PyramidSmasher

I was with this girl for 12 hours yesterday... we did like 50,000 different things, and kissed hundreds of times. Mostly her kissing me, not me kissing her. She likes me a shit ton, but only when she sees me. Like, if I call or text her shes bored and disinterested. The reason we're not dating is, she still has feelings for alot of these guys who don't care about her, and just want to hook up with her because shes hot. Even though Im her favorite, I also put the most effort in. These other guys don't even have to pay attention to her, and still make serious progress. So, ask her out (She'll say yes), or move on? Because lord knows I have had my share of psycho bitch ex-girlfriends.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Mason Vickers said:


> As lame as taking advice over the internet may be, I think that's swaying my decision in the ending-this direction.
> 
> Espcially since she's supposed to be back in town/contact tomorrow, and I caught her online on facebook an hour ago, and texted her if she was home.
> "umm, yeah. Since ten this morning." <- there we go.
> 
> Thanks, bro.



No problem, dude. This girl sounds sketchy . Good luck!


----------



## JeffFromMtl

avenger said:


> Crazy Ex's eh? I find they are good for the random sex that sometimes comes with with hanging out with them as long as you can keep the emotional side in check.
> *
> Also banging an ex who is with another guy at the time is the biggest ego boost I have yet to experiance. *
> 
> Sleazy? Maybe.



Truer words have never been spoken. It's a douchey thing to do, but sometimes, you just need to


----------



## renzoip

PyramidSmasher said:


> I was with this girl for 12 hours yesterday... we did like 50,000 different things, and kissed hundreds of times. Mostly her kissing me, not me kissing her. She likes me a shit ton, but only when she sees me. Like, if I call or text her shes bored and disinterested. The reason we're not dating is, she still has feelings for alot of these guys who don't care about her, and just want to hook up with her because shes hot. Even though Im her favorite, I also put the most effort in. These other guys don't even have to pay attention to her, and still make serious progress. So, ask her out (She'll say yes), or move on? Because lord knows I have had my share of psycho bitch ex-girlfriends.




Dude, you just described the exact situation I found myself about a month ago. I made the mistake of asking her out. She said yes. We dated for 2 weeks and it was a disaster, too much drama for such a short period of time. After we called it quits, things got a little better. Now that we are just friends, I don't have to deal with all her Ex's drama and we still have fun hanging out whenever we are willing and able to see each other.

Of course, I would have rather have a stable gf but I realize that despite me trying to overlook certain negative factors, I could not ignore the obvious. The whole ex bf drama will always be a deal breaker no matter how much I like a girl. If this girl is carrying so much baggage I suggest you move on and keep her as a friend. You don't need all the potential drama that dating her could bring.

Right now, it seems to me that this girl is bit confused. However, I think that does not justify her undermining the effort you put into her by letting these other guys advance. Perhaps there will be a better time in the future for both of you to date. But right now, I don't think investing so much time and energy into someone who won't be so into you as you are into her is worth it in the long run. 

Just my 2 cents.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

renzoip said:


> Dude, you just described the exact situation I found myself about a month ago. I made the mistake of asking her out. She said yes. We dated for 2 weeks and it was a disaster, too much drama for such a short period of time. After we called it quits, things got a little better. Now that we are just friends, I don't have to deal with all her Ex's drama and we still have fun hanging out whenever we are willing and able to see each other.
> 
> Of course, I would have rather have a stable gf but I realize that despite me trying to overlook certain negative factors, I could not ignore the obvious. The whole ex bf drama will always be a deal breaker no matter how much I like a girl. If this girl is carrying so much baggage I suggest you move on and keep her as a friend. You don't need all the potential drama that dating her could bring.
> 
> Right now, it seems to me that this girl is bit confused. However, I think that does not justify her undermining the effort you put into her by letting these other guys advance. Perhaps there will be a better time in the future for both of you to date. But right now, I don't think investing so much time and energy into someone who won't be so into you as you are into her is worth it in the long run.
> 
> Just my 2 cents.



Quoted for truth. Im going to wait until she's less confused to make a move.


----------



## JohnIce

PyramidSmasher said:


> I was with this girl for 12 hours yesterday... we did like 50,000 different things, and kissed hundreds of times. Mostly her kissing me, not me kissing her. She likes me a shit ton, but only when she sees me. Like, if I call or text her shes bored and disinterested. The reason we're not dating is, she still has feelings for alot of these guys who don't care about her, and just want to hook up with her because shes hot. Even though Im her favorite, I also put the most effort in. These other guys don't even have to pay attention to her, and still make serious progress. So, ask her out (She'll say yes), or move on? Because lord knows I have had my share of psycho bitch ex-girlfriends.


 
Well, part of the problem here could be what I've been advising _guys_ throughout this whole thread... attraction is a result of wanting something that is challenging to get. If this girl knows that you are a safe bet and she _could_ have a relationship with you at any moment she chooses, then you're _not _a challenge, and she can relax and see what else is out there first. She wants to keep her doors open before committing to you, because she thinks you'll wait for her in either case.

I'm doing something like this right now, in fact. I know a really sweet, hot girl who is totally into me and would be my girlfriend at any time, we've had casual sex recently etc. but knowing she's such an easy bet for me, I'm just not getting that spark needed to want her as my girlfriend. There's an element of boredom in knowing she's there whenever I want her, as opposed to all the other girls I'm yet to get to know who could possibly be much more exciting and challenging.

So to be honest, I think this girl is playing fair, it's just YOU who need to step up your game and challenge her. Don't let her run over you, if you want to seriously get somewhere with this girl, you need to make her feel excited and challenged by you. She's being challenging and unpredictable towards you, and here you are posting about her on a guitar forum... clearly the tactic has won you over (no shame in that, like I said, challenge = attraction). So if you want her to feel about you the way you feel about her, then get in the ring with her. Don't give her attention unless she asks for it, mingle with other girls, show that you're still available and looking, and you might have won her over by next week.


----------



## flo

JohnIce said:


> Well, part of the problem here could be what I've been advising _guys_ throughout this whole thread... attraction is a result of wanting something that is challenging to get. If this girl knows that you are a safe bet and she _could_ have a relationship with you at any moment she chooses, then you're _not _a challenge, and she can relax and see what else is out there first. She wants to keep her doors open before committing to you, because she thinks you'll wait for her in either case.
> 
> I'm doing something like this right now, in fact. I know a really sweet, hot girl who is totally into me and would be my girlfriend at any time, we've had casual sex recently etc. but knowing she's such an easy bet for me, I'm just not getting that spark needed to want her as my girlfriend. There's an element of boredom in knowing she's there whenever I want her, as opposed to all the other girls I'm yet to get to know who could possibly be much more exciting and challenging.
> 
> So to be honest, I think this girl is playing fair, it's just YOU who need to step up your game and challenge her. Don't let her run over you, if you want to seriously get somewhere with this girl, you need to make her feel excited and challenged by you. She's being challenging and unpredictable towards you, and here you are posting about her on a guitar forum... clearly the tactic has won you over (no shame in that, like I said, challenge = attraction). So if you want her to feel about you the way you feel about her, then get in the ring with her. Don't give her attention unless she asks for it, mingle with other girls, show that you're still available and looking, and you might have won her over by next week.



I guess that this is the key why my relationship works. A shitload of arguing, almost-breaking up, fighting for each other, and we still are crazy about each other after one and a half years. It feels never safe. Stressy as hell, always a challenge, but that's some serious glue


----------



## Fzau

JohnIce said:


> get in the ring with her.


 
DING DING DING


----------



## Konfyouzd

Fzau said:


> DING DING DING


----------



## PyramidSmasher

JohnIce said:


> Well, part of the problem here could be what I've been advising _guys_ throughout this whole thread... attraction is a result of wanting something that is challenging to get. If this girl knows that you are a safe bet and she _could_ have a relationship with you at any moment she chooses, then you're _not _a challenge, and she can relax and see what else is out there first. She wants to keep her doors open before committing to you, because she thinks you'll wait for her in either case.
> 
> I'm doing something like this right now, in fact. I know a really sweet, hot girl who is totally into me and would be my girlfriend at any time, we've had casual sex recently etc. but knowing she's such an easy bet for me, I'm just not getting that spark needed to want her as my girlfriend. There's an element of boredom in knowing she's there whenever I want her, as opposed to all the other girls I'm yet to get to know who could possibly be much more exciting and challenging.
> 
> So to be honest, I think this girl is playing fair, it's just YOU who need to step up your game and challenge her. Don't let her run over you, if you want to seriously get somewhere with this girl, you need to make her feel excited and challenged by you. She's being challenging and unpredictable towards you, and here you are posting about her on a guitar forum... clearly the tactic has won you over (no shame in that, like I said, challenge = attraction). So if you want her to feel about you the way you feel about her, then get in the ring with her. Don't give her attention unless she asks for it, mingle with other girls, show that you're still available and looking, and you might have won her over by next week.



Been doing this somewhat  It's working well today she totally on me. Plus, this is how I attracted her in the first place.


----------



## eventhetrees

Yeah....I talked to my buddy about my situation. Best way to describe her is that she's like Ramona from Scott Pilgrim haha, I need to catch her by surprise. So that's just what I'm gonna do. Could be a bad idea, but we'll see what happens!


----------



## JohnIce

flo said:


> I guess that this is the key why my relationship works. A shitload of arguing, almost-breaking up, fighting for each other, and we still are crazy about each other after one and a half years. It feels never safe. Stressy as hell, always a challenge, but that's some serious glue


 


PyramidSmasher said:


> Been doing this somewhat  It's working well today she totally on me. Plus, this is how I attracted her in the first place.


 
Glad to know I'm not talking out of my ass then  Congrats!


----------



## PyramidSmasher

JohnIce said:


> Glad to know I'm not talking out of my ass then  Congrats!



Although, she still talks to/hangs out with the other guys.

Edit: the ones she's been hooking up with since before she knew me that is. She's still messing around with them.


----------



## JohnIce

PyramidSmasher said:


> Although, she still talks to/hangs out with the other guys.
> 
> Edit: the ones she's been hooking up with since before she knew me that is. She's still messing around with them.


 
Convincing her to regain attraction and probably also _respect_ for you will take a while. Your change of mentality won't immediately project to her, you need to work it in over time. Judging from your posts, she probably still sees you as a bit of a lap dog (as you say, YOU are the one who gives her the most attention and effort out of all the guys, but she's still seeing others, so she probably isn't that impressed with your efforts and if she had more respect for you she wouldn't be doing that).

I don't mean this as an insult to you mate, I've been in the trenches among the gullible dudes swooning for a girl and getting shit out of it. It can so easily get out of hand, and just leave you confused and pussy-less.


----------



## Murmel

Can't wait till friday. Not only does school end at 10:20 in the morning, but me and this girl decided to hang out after school. She's really cool and nice, and probably one of the nicest persons I've met in my entire life. Ever since we first small talked about our schedule she's been a great person.
So anyways... She needs new shoes (her shoes are pretty thrashed) but she hates shoe-shopping, so we decided that we'd take a walk downtown and find some shoes for her. She has singing class later in the day, and she doesn't just wanna sit in the school hallways doing nothing... She is an amazing singer by the way.

And I guess I was lucky, music people can be quite the douches, but not a single person is a douche in my new class which is awesome. Everyone is totally chill and nice.


EDIT: FUCKING HELL........ I just found out 2 minutes after I wrote the above that one of my buddies was offered a spot in my class... I honestly don't want him there. I have nothing against the dude, but I really want to get to know the other people in my class instead of having people I know.
God damnit... Now I got all sad.
No, not sad. I got fucking pissed. I feel like such a douche right now as well. Right now I wish I didn't know the guy because he probably wouldn't have chosen the same course as me if we hadn't jammed together and shit earlier.. He wouldn't be this into music.

Hopefully though, he's in the other half of the class that isn't with me and this girl, because the dude is a fucking chickmagnet and I'm most certainly not. He has a girlfriend but that doesn't make him unable to charm the living shit out of the rest of the girls... He'd probably get angry at me if I told him to please let me have this just for once.

Yes, I am a jealous mofo.
And wall of text yeah... But I was just so happy and now it all went down the drain. Or well, it didn't all go down the drain, there's still a tiny glimpse of hope.

EDIT 2: Helvetes jävla skit fan.... He gets to choose which half of the class he wants to join. (We split up for some lessons because we are a huge class). I hope to God he doesn't choose mine.
I bet some of you guys are gonna think I'm a horrible person for writing this but whatever. He's a cool guy, just not somebody I want around me every day.


----------



## eventhetrees

@Murmel Don't worry dude. Go out with her, be yourself, make some sublte moves, Show her your interested ASAP. I've learnt this lesson the hard way MANY times. Let her know, she'll let you know back ! good luck dude!


----------



## Murmel

eventhetrees said:


> @Murmel Don't worry dude. Go out with her, be yourself, make some sublte moves, Show her your interested ASAP. I've learnt this lesson the hard way MANY times. Let her know, she'll let you know back ! good luck dude!


I don't really know if I'm interested in her in that way. I mean, I like her, she's a GREAT girl. (If I heard correctly, she might actually have a BF, but that is not even 50% sure as I couldn't really hear what she said.) I'd be extremely happy if I could just be her friend. She's a lot of fun to be with and just screams of happiness which I need.

God I hate all this high-school drama


----------



## eventhetrees

This is the love and relationships thread so I just assumed. Well regardless don't be shy and make good friends with her before your buddy there swoops in. If you do end up liking her, don't hold back is all I'm saying. But even as friends don't be shy to friendly body language.


----------



## Murmel

eventhetrees said:


> This is the love and relationships thread so I just assumed. Well regardless don't be shy and make good friends with her before your buddy there swoops in. If you do end up liking her, don't hold back is all I'm saying. But even as friends don't be shy to friendly body language.


I hear ya man 
My biggest fear with him is that he is so good with girls so that when he's around I basically don't have a shot. I get really jealous, and I hate it. Jealousy has always been a serious problem of mine if I like a girl...

And I do try to show her that I like her. I'm not so good on the body language but I try to compliment stuff to the best of my abilities...

Ps. A relationship can also be a friendship or the like


----------



## eventhetrees

Yeah but I mean like. give her hugs, those are harmless and like I dunno. that kinda stuff, just be confident is really key too. Don't show your jealousy and animosity towards that dude too!


----------



## Murmel

I've known her for like 3 weeks. I don't know if we're at the hug stage just yet 
And no, I don't show my jealousy towards the dude. I keep it all inside at all times.

Now IF we hit the town on friday I will probably be spending a couple of hours with her. Will be nice to get to know her better. And if she decides not to skip her singing lesson in the afternoon I might walk back with her to school and even wait for her to finish singing because I honestly don't have anything better to do.. Other than troll around on teh interwebz.


----------



## JohnIce

Murmel said:


> And I do try to show her that I like her. I'm not so good on the body language but I try to compliment stuff to the best of my abilities...


 
Murmel... Murmel... 

If that's what you're doing, then you have already clearly made the choice to just be friends and nothing more.


----------



## Murmel

JohnIce said:


> Murmel... Murmel...
> 
> If that's what you're doing, then you have already clearly made the choice to just be friends and nothing more.


Dude, I suck with the ladies John. I'm not a pimp like you


----------



## eventhetrees

Murmel said:


> I've known her for like 3 weeks. I don't know if we're at the hug stage just yet
> And no, I don't show my jealousy towards the dude. I keep it all inside at all times.



Dude, hug stage?

When I go out I think I give like EVERYONE I know a hug. Even when introducing myself or saying Hi to girls. Sometimes it catches them off guard too!  haha, sometimes they insist on hugs too, hugs are just nicer than handshakes or waving is all!

Edit: I used to be extremely shy too dude. Just don't give a shit is all you gotta do! What's the worst that's gonna happen if you hug her. 99.9 chance she'll hug you back, if not, it'll be awkward for 2 seconds and then move the convo else where haha


----------



## Murmel

I'm not really shy. Or well, I generally don't just give away hugs let and right. I honestly only hug like 10 times a year. 5 of those a probably my grandma 
But if everything turns out good on friday I'll probably go for one. I honestly need it, I'm a lonely person..


----------



## eventhetrees

It's just more inviting and social to be that way man! Trust me, don't give out hugs left and right, just yeah, let loose and have fun is all. If you need it on friday then at LEAST give her a hug or 2! It's nice


----------



## Murmel

eventhetrees said:


> It's just more inviting and social to be that way man! Trust me, don't give out hugs left and right, just yeah, let loose and have fun is all. If you need it on friday then at LEAST give her a hug or 2! It's nice


I really appreciate everything ya'll have to say. I'm a total noob on this subject, I've never even had a girlfriend. The first time I had a girl that was a friend was last year, and we weren't that close... 

And I really wanna fiddle around with her hair, it's so nice and I have a thing for nice looking hair  We made an agreement that I would dry my hair with a hairdryer today (it gets really strange..) so I did it and showed her, then went straight to the bathroom and fixed it 
It's important to keep your hair nice. Good looking hair makes up for a lot of what you see as a first impression on an individual. Atleast for me.

And I agree, hugs are nice. The few times I get hugs from girls I really appreciate it.

I wish I were like John


----------



## eventhetrees

Haha that's awesome dude.

Nothing to be embarassed about. Make it happen then. I'm far from being good at it myself, but you just gotta be a lot more fearless when approaching it is all. It's fun, exciting and you get giddy and do dumb stuff and it's all a part of the process.

Good hair is important. You can give her a hug, then compliment her hair and who knows from there, hahaha, take risks dude, you only live once!


----------



## MFB

Murmel said:


> We made an agreement that I would dry my hair with a hairdryer today (it gets really strange..) so I did it and showed her, then went straight to the bathroom and fixed it
> It's important to keep your hair nice. Good looking hair makes up for a lot of what you see as a first impression on an individual. Atleast for me.



For me, my hair always looked 100x better when I used a blowdryer and I got more compliments on it - mainly from chicks. Try it on ladyfriend and it may work!


----------



## flo

Murmel said:


> But if everything turns out good on friday I'll probably go for one. I honestly need it, I'm a lonely person..



stackars dig 
you'll make it, we're with you!


----------



## vampiregenocide

Replying to your PM here, so I don't have to repeat myself. 

What sort of hugs are you giving her? Theres a difference between 'a friend who is there for me hugs' and 'wow this is so romantic hugs'. Just tell her how it is man, and put out all the signs you can without seeming too strong. YOU CAN DO IT.


----------



## eventhetrees

HAHAH YES, Rob Schneider FTW  now I can do anything

When I give my social hugs it's just a casual light hug. 

I give her a little bit of a tighter and lenghtier hug. Kinda awkard to describe but I give a bit of a squeeze? haha I saw her give that other dude a hug when he came out briefly, it was different then when she hugs me. When we picked her up, and I hugged her, it caught her off gaurd, she paused literally a split second, big smile and enthusiastic hug, should have done more. But yeah...I CAN DO IT, NEXT TIME! I WILL DO IT


----------



## Fzau

eventhetrees said:


> Good hair is important.


 
FUCK YES! 

Just don't be a complete narcist about it like me..
Hell, I'm as bad as FFIX's Kuja sometimes 



vampiregenocide said:


> What sort of hugs are you giving her? Theres a difference between 'a friend who is there for me hugs' and 'wow this is so romantic hugs'. Just tell her how it is man, and put out all the signs you can without seeming too strong.


 
It's fun when you mix them. You'll have her wondering what your actual intensions are. Hell, I even throw in a "grab head under arm and rub it with fist"-hug and it works like a charm. Especially when they want to counter, oh the sexual tension!


----------



## Murmel

MFB said:


> For me, my hair always looked 100x better when I used a blowdryer and I got more compliments on it - mainly from chicks. Try it on ladyfriend and it may work!


Even my hairdresser says that you shouldn't blowdry my hair. Pretty much every time after we're done and she's gonna dry it she goes; "We really shouldn't do this but..." 
I don't get compliments ever from anyone really, and blowdrying my hair probably won't help. My buddy did compliment me on my new trousers today though, it's probably the best looking pair I've ever had 

But I think that sometimes you really dislike something about yourself, for example this girl has curly hair and she straighten it every morning if she's got the time, otherwise she puts it in a knot.
I'm trying to get her to show me what she looks like with curly hair, I'm sure it looks great. Same thing as she thought that my hair looked great even after it was blowdried but I hated it.
Another example is one of my friends... He really likes it when he has his hair styled a certain way and I think he looks better the other way.


----------



## josh pelican

Don't worry, guys. I gave Nick (eventhetrees) a lot of advice last night.

I've never had a problem with getting the girls. Maybe John and I are related...


----------



## Varcolac

josh pelican said:


> Don't worry, guys. I gave Nick (eventhetrees) a lot of advice last night.
> 
> I've never had a problem with getting the girls. Maybe John and I are related...



cf. the "facts you should know" thread, he's probably your dad.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

JohnIce said:


> Convincing her to regain attraction and probably also _respect_ for you will take a while. Your change of mentality won't immediately project to her, you need to work it in over time. Judging from your posts, she probably still sees you as a bit of a lap dog (as you say, YOU are the one who gives her the most attention and effort out of all the guys, but she's still seeing others, so she probably isn't that impressed with your efforts and if she had more respect for you she wouldn't be doing that).
> 
> I don't mean this as an insult to you mate, I've been in the trenches among the gullible dudes swooning for a girl and getting shit out of it. It can so easily get out of hand, and just leave you confused and pussy-less.



Yeeeah... things go good but she keeps getting with other dudes, at the same time she doesnt wanna lose me.


----------



## renzoip

PyramidSmasher said:


> Yeeeah... things go good but she keeps getting with other dudes, at the same time she doesnt wanna lose me.




Well, it seems as if she just wants to keep you around just in case; not the best position to be in IMO. I'm only saying this because I've been in situations like that before. Best thing to do is to let her miss you and want you badly. 

If you know she doesn't wanna lose you, then let you've already got some points in your favor. Put her to the test; show her that the possibility of losing you is real and that just like her, you also have other options out there. So if she really wants you around, she better step up her game.

Works for me!


----------



## JohnIce

renzoip said:


> Well, it seems as if she just wants to keep you around just in case; not the best position to be in IMO. I'm only saying this because I've been in situations like that before. Best thing to do is to let her miss you and want you badly.
> 
> If you know she doesn't wanna lose you, then let you've already got some points in your favor. Put her to the test; show her that the possibility of losing you is real and that just like her, you also have other options out there. So if she really wants you around, she better step up her game.
> 
> Works for me!


----------



## MFB

I think I might be getting myself into something serious within the next couple weeks if things keep up this way.

Long story short : girl in my photo class have been talking and shit and working in class together, and today (my day off from classes, now hers as well since she dropped her Tuesday class) we also finished up our projects. The plan was :

Work in the darkroom finishing projects
Go grab brunch
Go to photo store and get all the supplies

Instead it was :

Work in the darkroom for about an hour
Went to her place since she grabbed Dunks before, and had macaroni
Hung out at her place watching Boy Meets World wub and talking before she went to work.

We'll see how things play out, I've been keeping cool this whole time though


----------



## PyramidSmasher

renzoip said:


> Well, it seems as if she just wants to keep you around just in case; not the best position to be in IMO. I'm only saying this because I've been in situations like that before. Best thing to do is to let her miss you and want you badly.
> 
> If you know she doesn't wanna lose you, then let you've already got some points in your favor. Put her to the test; show her that the possibility of losing you is real and that just like her, you also have other options out there. So if she really wants you around, she better step up her game.
> 
> Works for me!



She wants to have a serious convo tonight. If she decides to keep up her ways Im gonna do this!


----------



## ugg im kyle

Up until recently for the past three months I had been seeing an old "girl friend". We hadn't hung out much for a couple of years and we to our friends wedding together. We ended staying the night at a friends and sleeping together (not banging) and cuddling. We started hanging out more after that and eventually confessed that we still had feelings for each other. She at this point had been dating some faggot for a little over a year and was planning on moving out with him. I wasn't trying to ruin anything or say something to him, but I was kind of hoping she would see him for what he is and leave him. As time goes by we end up getting down and dirty on a regular basis (yes, banging). Being the sucker that I am, I thought that meant I was in the clear for her to leave him. Next thing I know she is moving in with him and things are still continuing the same way with us. I eventually told her that I am done being her 'late night super star'. I still love the girl as a friend, as a person and is still in my life. I have depression and anxiety problems and that was just destroying me mentally. I guess things are fine now and I shall carry on. I'm "talking" to this girl out of no where who is a total sweet heart. So hopefully things will turn around.


----------



## JohnIce

PyramidSmasher said:


> She wants to have a serious convo tonight. If she decides to keep up her ways Im gonna do this!


 
Shit son, no "if's"  You meet her, you're incredibly casual about the whole thing and you say since she's been going around so much you weren't expecting anything yourself either. Sure, be polite and listen to what she has to say, but dude, she's been toying with you and you need to let her know NOW that even though you dig her you have thought about other girls and looking beyond her, simply because she's been acting like she has. Not flat out tell her maybe, but instill the idea in her head.

And if she wants to talk because she's finally going to "settle" for you now, you need to let her know the choice is just as much yours as it is hers. She has to convince you too! Don't let nice boobs distract you from what's important: you! You deserve to be as picky as she is.

Granted, we all know you like the girl and would enjoy being in a relationship with her, but that doesn't mean wimping out and losing your cool.


----------



## avenger

ugg im kyle said:


> Up until recently for the past three months I had been seeing an old "girl friend". We hadn't hung out much for a couple of years and we to our friends wedding together. We ended staying the night at a friends and sleeping together (not banging) and cuddling. We started hanging out more after that and eventually confessed that we still had feelings for each other. *She at this point had been dating some faggot* for a little over a year and was planning on moving out with him. I wasn't trying to ruin anything or say something to him, but I was kind of hoping she would see him for what he is and leave him. As time goes by we end up getting down and dirty on a regular basis (yes, banging). Being the sucker that I am, I thought that meant I was in the clear for her to leave him. Next thing I know she is moving in with him and things are still continuing the same way with us. I eventually told her that I am done being her 'late night super star'. I still love the girl as a friend, as a person and is still in my life. I have depression and anxiety problems and that was just destroying me mentally. I guess things are fine now and I shall carry on. I'm "talking" to this girl out of no where who is a total sweet heart. So hopefully things will turn around.


I like your style, I just told my ex her new guy was a worthless faggot because she told me if I didn't take her to metal shows anymore she would resent me forever... her new guy gets mad when he spilled something on his pink hollister shirt, shouldnt have left my ass I guess?

Also the other guy def needs to get some physical contant going with the other girl. 

Hugs are a great start and can really show you the differance between friends and wanting more. The last girl I met hugged me so tight for sooo long when her friends made her leave (C-BLOCKED!) and then turned around and went for another after that one. 

Just from the way she held so close and tight I could tell she wanted more. Now the delicate and annoying "lets hang out again sometime" begins...


----------



## ugg im kyle

avenger said:


> I like your style, I just told my ex her new guy was a worthless faggot because she told me if I didn't take her to metal shows anymore she would resent me forever... her new guy gets mad when he spilled something on his pink hollister shirt, shouldnt have left my ass I guess?
> 
> Also the other guy def needs to get some physical contant going with the other girl.
> 
> Hugs are a great start and can really show you the differance between friends and wanting more. The last girl I met hugged me so tight for sooo long when her friends made her leave (C-BLOCKED!) and then turned around and went for another after that one.
> 
> Just from the way she held so close and tight I could tell she wanted more. Now the delicate and annoying "lets hang out again sometime" begins...


The girls boyfriend is my age, so he is going on twenty. He has Dragon Ball Z action figures strategically placed around their apartment, and Dragon Ball Z poster in their bedroom, he does nothing but eat fast food, dude is a nasty, fat, faggot that talks shit about me all the time. I will put him in his place. If she wants to be with a waste of space, what ever. Her loss.
& girls are ridiculous man, I just hung out with this new girl last night, had a really good time just sitting outside my house till five in the morning talking and laughing.
Good luck to you dude!


----------



## PyramidSmasher

ugg im kyle said:


> The girls boyfriend is my age, so he is going on twenty. He has Dragon Ball Z action figures strategically placed around their apartment, and Dragon Ball Z poster in their bedroom, he does nothing but eat fast food, dude is a nasty, fat, faggot that talks shit about me all the time. I will put him in his place. If she wants to be with a waste of space, what ever. Her loss.
> & girls are ridiculous man, I just hung out with this new girl last night, had a really good time just sitting outside my house till five in the morning talking and laughing.
> Good luck to you dude!



Kyle, lets not knock him for liking Dragon Ball Z 

The fast food eating nasty faggot is a different story.


----------



## eventhetrees

josh pelican said:


> Don't worry, guys. I gave Nick (eventhetrees) a lot of advice last night.
> 
> I've never had a problem with getting the girls. Maybe John and I are related...



Yes, yes you did 

But things have changed yet again. I'm done posting in this thread about it though! 

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR ALL THE ADVICE, you guys are awesome and helped me a TON.



If anything does happen I'll update you guys, but yeah, we'll see!


----------



## Fzau

eventhetrees said:


> Yes, yes you did
> 
> But things have changed yet again. I'm done posting in this thread about it though!
> 
> THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR ALL THE ADVICE, you guys are awesome and helped me a TON.
> 
> 
> 
> If anything does happen I'll update you guys, but yeah, we'll see!


----------



## MSalonen

One thing I've come to realize lately is that there is a point where the way one should act when trying to get girls (that certainly works then) and solidify a more casual relationship, is absolutely detrimental when dealing with a more serious one. Or at least one that involves someone you've known for quite a while.

At least that's been the case for me in dealings that have happened more recently.

I figure I can't be the only one with whom this applies to, so I just wanted to throw that out there.


----------



## Fzau

MSalonen said:


> One thing I've come to realize lately is that there is a point where the way one should act when trying to get girls (that certainly works then) and solidify a more casual relationship, is absolutely detrimental when dealing with a more serious one. Or at least one that involves someone you've known for quite a while.
> 
> At least that's been the case for me in dealings that have happened more recently.
> 
> I figure I can't be the only one with whom this applies to, so I just wanted to throw that out there.


 
I agree in the sense that you shouldn't go and bust a girl's balls every chance you get when she's a super serious (= boring) one for example. Not that I care, I don't like girls who are too serious.. have some fun. As for the people you've known for quite a while part, it will be weird when you suddenly approach them in a completely different way. They're used to you being what they define as you, if that makes sense. In my opinion the very first time you actually meet/talk/whatever is a crucial one, as it sort of sets the tone for the rest of the 'relationship' with each other. Which would be the reason why I approach people differently. 

All in all, yes I do agree that you'll need to handle things a bit differently in those situations.


----------



## JohnIce

MSalonen said:


> One thing I've come to realize lately is that there is a point where the way one should act when trying to get girls (that certainly works then) and solidify a more casual relationship, is absolutely detrimental when dealing with a more serious one. Or at least one that involves someone you've known for quite a while.
> 
> At least that's been the case for me in dealings that have happened more recently.
> 
> I figure I can't be the only one with whom this applies to, so I just wanted to throw that out there.


 
I think the same principles apply in both cases, it just becomes more complex the further you go into a relationship. Just because you're in a serious relationship doesn't mean you should start being boring and unattractive... but you should be trustworthy, and that's the tricky part. How do you stay fun, challenging and unpredictable, maintaining the excitement and desire she had when you first met her, while still being trustworthy and commited?

These things have so much to do with the specific persons involved, you simply can't generalize about long-term relationships. But one thing is sure: never get your girl bored with you. As long as she enjoys your company, respects you and wants to be close with you, the rest is unimportant. And if she _doesn't_ enjoy your company etc., that is where things get hard to fix.


----------



## Fzau

Oh you where talking about serious relationships instead of serious girls?
Then John's post is probably more helpful.


----------



## MSalonen

Haha, yeah. Serious relationships.

But yeah, you're essentially right John. I should probably clarify in that I mean it can be detrimental to treat the person in question in certain ways that you could get away with or even benefit from when dealing with someone in a more casual or introductory sense.

To be more specific, when not in a more serious type of relationship (or in my case, dealing with someone with whom you've had a serious relationship in the past), you could very easily (as mentioned earlier) get away with acting more non-committal and aloof, like you don't really care so much. But being that way with aforementioned kind of person/situation, can do real damage.

Basically, for quite a while I've really been feeling like there is no difference or delineation between the two, as it really hadn't seemed to be the case with myself, friends, or anyone I had met. Now I see, while that may be true most of the time, there are crucial exceptions. And regardless of how things turn out with myself and the girl in question, I still believe that.


----------



## AK DRAGON

This pretty much sums it up


----------



## CatPancakes

just remember the dennis sytem.
o D &#8211; Demonstrate Your Value
o E &#8211; Engage Physically
o N &#8211; Nurturing Dependence
o N - Neglect Emotionally
o I &#8211; Inspire Hope
o S &#8211; Separate Entirely


----------



## eventhetrees

The last 5-10 posts, that advice would have been so good like 2-3 weeks ago for me 

I'm in such an interesting situation now, I have no clue what I'm up to, just playing stuff by ear and not being a pussy when I like a girl from now on.

Seems like this week is a bad time for relationships in general. 2 of my close friends are going through hiccups in their relationships and many more I'm just seeing around...blah I hope everything for everyone works out for the best...


----------



## Murmel

Yay, today Emma wasn't home sick  (I'll just call her by name because honestly, it's annoying as fuck to say 'this girl' all the time. It's not like she's gonna find this forum, and how many people in the world aren't named Emma anyways...)

Got to hang out with her quite a lot today, it was fun. Going buying shoes tomorrow after school with her. Though we might have to walk around with her mother depending on if she's picking her up but whatever, I'm sure her mom is awesome  And I'm gonna buy myself a hat (I wore my friends hat the entire day today and I effing loved it  And I actually look good in hats too, which is nice.)


----------



## Fzau

Murmel said:


> Yay, today Emma wasn't home sick  (I'll just call her by name because honestly, it's annoying as fuck to say 'this girl' all the time. It's not like she's gonna find this forum, and how many people in the world aren't named Emma anyways...)
> 
> Got to hang out with her quite a lot today, it was fun. Going buying shoes tomorrow after school with her. Though we might have to walk around with her mother depending on if she's picking her up but whatever, I'm sure her mom is awesome  And I'm gonna buy myself a hat (I wore my friends hat the entire day today and I effing loved it  And I actually look good in hats too, which is nice.)


 
You already lose if you're buying shoes with her, dude. 
Fuck.


----------



## Murmel

Fzau said:


> You already lose if you're buying shoes with her, dude.
> Fuck.


I'm not going for her man. I don't feel anything like that for her, I'd be more than happy to be just friends with her.
But she doesn't really wanna go shoeshopping, she hates it, but as I mentioned earlier, her shoes are thrashed as hell so it was pretty much me who told her into buying new ones. Because soon the winter is here and with her shoes she's just gonna have wet feet and be cold all day. And that sucks 
I asked her what she thinks about just shopping in general, seems like she doesn't enjoy it at all.

Shoeshopping or not, I'd still hang out with her tomorrow because we end at 10:20 and her bus doesn't arrive until like, 1 o'clock.


----------



## Fzau

Murmel said:


> I'm not going for her man. I don't feel anything like that for her, I'd be more than happy to be just friends with her.


 
This is the LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS thread, buddy.


----------



## Murmel

Fzau said:


> This is the LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS thread, buddy.


I have a RELATIONSHIP with a lot of people you know


----------



## JohnIce

Murmel, you're ruining the thread! 

To get this back on topic: I'm currently torn between two girls... one who has a gorgeous face and body (although a little small on the chest side), who is very careful about her makeup, hair etc. but without being mentally retarded, actually she's quite smart... but overall sligthly shy and boring, both in conversation and in bed. She's improved lately though, I must say.

The other one is also very attractive, not quite as much as girl no. 1 (in my opinion) but she is a lot more fun overall, and as a bonus swings some nice DD's This girl is a beast in bed, experimentative like me, and everytime we have a casual chat on FB or MSN we end up talking about sex... this is hard to get going with girl no. 1 

The choice is hard, but what worse is, I'm turning 20 next weekend and both these girls will be there...


----------



## Murmel

I'm sorry


----------



## Fzau

JohnIce said:


> To get this back on topic: I'm currently torn between two girls... one who has a gorgeous face and body (although a little small on the chest side), who is very careful about her makeup, hair etc. *but without being mentally retarded*, actually she's quite smart... but overall sligthly shy and boring, both in conversation and in bed. She's improved lately though, I must say.
> 
> The other one is also very attractive, not quite as much as girl no. 1 (in my opinion) but she is a lot more fun overall, and as a bonus swings some nice DD's This girl is a beast in bed, experimentative like me, and everytime we have a casual chat on FB or MSN we end up talking about sex... this is hard to get going with girl no. 1
> 
> The choice is hard, but what worse is, I'm turning 20 next weekend and both these girls will be there...


 
Lol @ the without being mentally retarded part 

Personally, I don't like shy and boring people. Maybe because I'm very outgoing and overactive.  So if they're both up to par appearance wise, I would PROBABLY go with girl no. 2. I'm sure you'll make a great choice though. 

Actually I'm in sort of the same situation.. but I need to clear some things out first. Until then, I'll stick with dating. 

Ow yeah! My birthday is 4 days later, John!! 

Note: Does no. 1 know that you like no. 2 (the girl that is, you perv)?
Maybe she'll open up if she sees she has competition?


----------



## avenger

JohnIce said:


> Murmel, you're ruining the thread!
> 
> To get this back on topic: I'm currently torn between two girls... one who has a gorgeous face and body (although a little small on the chest side), who is very careful about her makeup, hair etc. but without being mentally retarded, actually she's quite smart... but overall sligthly shy and boring, both in conversation and in bed. She's improved lately though, I must say.
> 
> The other one is also very attractive, not quite as much as girl no. 1 (in my opinion) but she is a lot more fun overall, and as a bonus swings some nice DD's This girl is a beast in bed, experimentative like me, and everytime we have a casual chat on FB or MSN we end up talking about sex... this is hard to get going with girl no. 1
> 
> *The choice is hard, but what worse is, I'm turning 20 next weekend and both these girls will be there...*


Sounds like you need to pick no.1 to be your "girl" for the party but then get no.2 to join in because she is into experimenting.


----------



## JohnIce

Fzau said:


> Note: Does no. 1 know that you like no. 2 (the girl that is, you perv)?
> Maybe she'll open up if she sees she has competition?


 
You know what, Tom... that is not that bad of a thought  Well the girls haven't met, I mean I've been with a lot of girls lately but these two I've kind of grown attached to... there's no denying anywhere that I sleep around though, they both know that much.

I guess I could just be my regular self towards both until I get massively drunk and then whoever sits down next to me first will be the winner!
Hmm... actually I'm talking to no. 2 right now, discussing squirting...


----------



## budda

Whichever one has the balls, take. Hopefully they're both smart though 

What day next weekend?

*budda wishes he had someone lined up for his birthday..*


----------



## JohnIce

budda said:


> Whichever one has the balls, take. Hopefully they're both smart though
> 
> What day next weekend?
> 
> *budda wishes he had someone lined up for his birthday..*


 
Cheers!  The 26th actually, but that's a Sunday, but we're going out on the 25th. So if all goes well I'll be spending my first hours as a 20-year old the right way 

If it's up to balls, it's probably no. 2... no. 1 is more of a shelf-sitter.


----------



## eventhetrees

Fzau said:


> Note: Does no. 1 know that you like no. 2 (the girl that is, you perv)?
> Maybe she'll open up if she sees she has competition?



Good point.

Unless this doesn't go well, I'd go for Girl No. 2!


----------



## renzoip

JohnIce said:


> Murmel, you're ruining the thread!
> 
> To get this back on topic: I'm currently torn between two girls... one who has a gorgeous face and body (although a little small on the chest side), who is very careful about her makeup, hair etc. but without being mentally retarded, actually she's quite smart... but overall sligthly shy and boring, both in conversation and in bed. She's improved lately though, I must say.
> 
> The other one is also very attractive, not quite as much as girl no. 1 (in my opinion) but she is a lot more fun overall, and as a bonus swings some nice DD's This girl is a beast in bed, experimentative like me, and everytime we have a casual chat on FB or MSN we end up talking about sex... this is hard to get going with girl no. 1
> 
> The choice is hard, but what worse is, I'm turning 20 next weekend and both these girls will be there...




Honestly, I don't find the choice to be hard at all. I say go for girl 2. The reason for this is that you haven't even said one negative thing about her save her not being as attractive as the other girl. Still, I'm sure she must be attractive in general and you seem to be a lot more compatible with her both in and out of bed.

IMO chemistry is very important for a relationship. Girl 1 may seem more attractive but if you can't have enough fun with her, then her looks will become irrelevant in the long run. Personally, I like a girl with initiative, and girl 2 seems to have plenty of it. 


Also, you are JohnIce, so you probably don't even have to choose!


----------



## Fzau

JohnIce said:


> You know what, Tom... that is not that bad of a thought  Well the girls haven't met, I mean I've been with a lot of girls lately but these two I've kind of grown attached to... there's no denying anywhere that I sleep around though, they both know that much.
> 
> I guess I could just be my regular self towards both until I get massively drunk and then whoever sits down next to me first will be the winner!
> Hmm... actually I'm talking to no. 2 right now, discussing squirting...


 
See, I'm a clever chap you know. 
Never discussed it though, it pretty much happened. 
Anyway... insta-win. 

Oh and getting massively drunk is a fail. 
I can't get massively drunk anymore for some reason.. 



JohnIce said:


> Cheers!  The 26th actually, but that's a Sunday, but we're going out on the 25th. So if all goes well I'll be spending my first hours as a 20-year old the right way .


 
I think mine will be even better. 

Uni starts again the 27th, but the first days are pretty much just partying and visiting the numerous fraternity stalls for free booze. My birthday is the 30th, on which there is this mini student festival in Antwerp called Studay (no shit). This means more free booze and even great music!
To top it off, Studay is extremely close to one of the most popular (and one of our favourite) clubs, all of which have FREE enterance on Thursday. Plenty of friends will let me crash at their place too (even 'alone'). And to be completely honest, I don't think birthday sex will be that much of a problem.

So yeah, birthday weeks FTW.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

The girl Ive been talking about revealed today that she likes me the best of all guys by far, but shes worried because she's not over her last relationship, and I'll be gone in a year.


----------



## leandroab

I need some fucking poon!

God fucking dammit! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH


----------



## renzoip

leandroab said:


> I need some fucking poon!
> 
> God fucking dammit! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH



I hear you, man. And although I am currently getting some, everyday that I don't I feel exactly like that. Maybe I have problem... 

Idk what I would do if I lived where you live.


----------



## eventhetrees

leandroab said:


> I need some fucking poon!
> 
> God fucking dammit! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH



AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH



But seriously, that girl I was talking about gets more and more confusing. She upset me today, she also KINDA likes another guy, like WTF and he bailed on her today, and was complaining to me about it, love the 'bro" zone, FML. She even went on a "date" with him the day before we hung out last saturday at the vegan food fair. I know we weren't dating yet so she didn't do anything wrong technically, but still WTF!!!!!! ugh, fucking girls man, nothing happened on the date, at least she claims, but yeah, she was probably a nervous statue to him to so that's why he's like wtf and bailed, yet I put up with it. wtf....sadkajkhsdlhkjfslhkjsdlhjks


----------



## Fzau

eventhetrees said:


> AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
> 
> 
> 
> But seriously, that girl I was talking about gets more and more confusing. She upset me today, she also KINDA likes another guy, like WTF and he bailed on her today, and was complaining to me about it, love the 'bro" zone, FML. She even went on a "date" with him the day before we hung out last saturday at the vegan food fair. I know we weren't dating yet so she didn't do anything wrong technically, but still WTF!!!!!! ugh, fucking girls man, nothing happened on the date, at least she claims, but yeah, she was probably a nervous statue to him to so that's why he's like wtf and bailed, yet I put up with it. wtf....sadkajkhsdlhkjfslhkjsdlhjks


 
Ever thought this COULD be just a test to see how you react? Even if it's not, he bailed.. Your turn now. Maybe you should just get your game up?


----------



## leandroab

dfsgerfwef23r 23rwewfdas


----------



## eventhetrees

Fzau said:


> Ever thought this COULD be just a test to see how you react? Even if it's not, he bailed.. Your turn now. Maybe you should just get your game up?



Yeup it most likely is in a way. We were talking on skype when she said this with the cameras on etc. She was acting weird so I can't tell. I'm gonna step it up a lot next time I see her, and see how it goes. 

My friend gave me like the best most simple advice "you just gotta do what you want to do" which is my exact problem. I just really wanna surprise her with even a kiss and see her reaction, cause I can tell she still really likes me. But yeah. It just doesn't make sense to me that most of the reasons that we aren't dating aren't so much actual us "liking" each other factor its the fact shes in school and Im doing other things etc, so it'll be hard to see each other (when I know it won't be), I'm like yeah that's true BUT it's very well do able etc. then she goes out on what was supposed to be a second date with someone else and it fell through casue HE bailed haha....umm yeah...I thought it would be too hard to date someone now....


----------



## xXxPriestessxXx

I have an awesome relationship with an awesome metalhead. Everyone in the world should have that.


----------



## Randy

Awe. I, of course, could say the same.


----------



## Cheesebuiscut

So I'ma coin in on the relationships half of this thread with: Me and my bands relationship 

So then! I'm pretty mixed on whether or not I should quit my band

I'm in a tech death band heavily oldschool influenced and while it was loads of fun when I first started (learning to play at a 855 tempo on "techy" riffs was new for me and getting tight again from all the gear nerding and not playing I had been doing) by a few weeks before the end of the summer I was realizing it was not my bag. 

I'm bored playing the music and its really not my thing. I honestly find myself having more fun teaching them all the shit I learned from places like this about eqing in a mix and editing parts and being generally goofy while we play the songs and not even paying attention to playing them. 

I also plain enjoy hanging out as they are all cool enough people (I know 2 of them from my college classes) even though I'm completely *one of these things is not like the other* compared to them and even the new vocalist we just got. ( I was like *holy shit guys get a room*, the first 2 times he came to practice )

So basically I'm at this point where I feel like I could wade through playing music I don't entirely enjoy while finding other aspects I enjoy, but I don't ever see me wanting to do this long term. Whats kept me from just up and quitting early on is mostly I feel bad as I see these guys on a regular basis even outside of band stuff (ones even in my theory class) and we just did all these practicing over the summer to get ready for shows JUST got a vocalist and then I up and quit. I mean theres like 0 band drama and we all get along just dandy I just feel like its kinda unfair of me to keep going along with this when I don't intend on being in the band forever. But I don't really want to let them all down.

Iono what to do


----------



## darbdavys

Fuck, I think I've got a problem.

I've just changed schools, so lots of new people there. Yet there's a classmate, whom I came to liking. Basically, I'm very good with communicating with females, I just feel the right time to show interest, disinterest, to neg them, etc.
But there was a class party on friday. I talked to her a lot in the morning, everything was going very well (as usual when talking to girls). She showed interest herself.

And in the evening (when the party started), I smoked some pot, got high (not stoned) and couldn't really talk and look at her (epic fail ). Later another batch of people came in (one year older) and there was one cool guy, very communicative and all. He started hitting on her, while I was listening to Tool and watching the contrasts (lol).

But today, just after waking up, I realized getting friend-zoned. I don't know whether it's for sure or is it because I like her. How the hell do I find this out?

(Man, the fact I like someone is really fucking everything up, I start misinterpreting things )


----------



## JohnIce

darbdavys said:


> Fuck, I think I've got a problem.
> 
> I've just changed schools, so lots of new people there. Yet there's a classmate, whom I came to liking. Basically, I'm very good with communicating with females, I just feel the right time to show interest, disinterest, to neg them, etc.
> But there was a class party on friday. I talked to her a lot in the morning, everything was going very well (as usual when talking to girls). She showed interest herself.
> 
> And in the evening (when the party started), I smoked some pot, got high (not stoned) and couldn't really talk and look at her (epic fail ). Later another batch of people came in (one year older) and there was one cool guy, very communicative and all. He started hitting on her, while I was listening to Tool and watching the contrasts (lol).
> 
> But today, just after waking up, I realized getting friend-zoned. I don't know whether it's for sure or is it because I like her. How the hell do I find this out?
> 
> (Man, the fact I like someone is really fucking everything up, I start misinterpreting things )


 
If you feel you got friend-zoned over just an evening, it shouldn't be too hard to get out of it again... just step up your game and be glad you realized this sooner than later.

And don't get high when there's possibility of sex


----------



## Fzau

JohnIce said:


> If you feel you got friend-zoned over just an evening, it shouldn't be too hard to get out of it again... just step up your game and be glad you realized this sooner than later.
> 
> And don't get high when there's possibility of sex


 
In other words, never get high unless you're going to some (American type) bar with mostly male friends.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

nothing really to add, im just looking for a place where this will be appreciated...







on a serious tip, im reeeeeeallly bored with my gf of 5 years, she's great to me and pretty much worships the ground i walk on, but im just plain bored with her. how do you deal with that kind of thing? i mean, i LOVE her, and we've had some amazing times together, but ive done everything i can think of to kinda pull her out of her shell and she's still far too reserved for me. 
http://nathansterminator.com/j8pguc.gif


----------



## MFB

Also, falling head over heels is KILLING me


----------



## Fzau

I approve dat ASS!  
Is that Shay Laren?

Anyway, you could always try to get a new spark in your relationship. Step out of the box for a change. If that doesn't work you could always call it quits.
Not that I've ever been in a relationship for that long, but when it gets really boring I'd rather seek excitement elsewhere than to keep on 'pretending' I'm happy. Only when there are no other possibilities that is.


----------



## JohnIce

Fzau said:


> I approve dat ASS!
> Is that Shay Laren?
> 
> Anyway, you could always try to get a new spark in your relationship. Step out of the box for a change. If that doesn't work you could always call it quits.
> Not that I've ever been in a relationship for that long, but when it gets really boring I'd rather seek excitement elsewhere than to keep on 'pretending' I'm happy. Only when there are no other possibilities that is.


 
It would be that simple if you were an emotionless douchebag  But when you spend so much time with someone, you build up memories, learn to love the most irrelevant aspects of that person, you grow attached to so many things that brighten your everyday life and THOSE are the things that will keep you from wanting to break up. And it's usually the little things you miss the most, not the things you were attracted to in the first place. Let's say you were attracted to your GF because she was a brunette with big boobs and a nice smile... there are millions of other girls like that. But finding one that has the same cute way of eating pizza... you know where I'm going with this.

I can only imagine what it'd be like to be together with someone for 5 years. Not to mention being uncomfortable with eachother after 5 years. I don't think I have much advice to give, I'll just say good luck and I hope it's just a phase.


----------



## ralphy1976

well John, why don;t you draw them and see which one is the most appreciative?...


----------



## liamh

John, I just thought you'd like to know that when I read your posts I hear Kelsey Grammer's voice saying it in my head.


----------



## Fzau

JohnIce said:


> It would be that simple if you were an emotionless douchebag  But when you spend so much time with someone, you build up memories, learn to love the most irrelevant aspects of that person, you grow attached to so many things that brighten your everyday life and THOSE are the things that will keep you from wanting to break up. And it's usually the little things you miss the most, not the things you were attracted to in the first place. Let's say you were attracted to your GF because she was a brunette with big boobs and a nice smile... there are millions of other girls like that. But finding one that has the same cute way of eating pizza... you know where I'm going with this.
> 
> I can only imagine what it'd be like to be together with someone for 5 years. Not to mention being uncomfortable with eachother after 5 years. I don't think I have much advice to give, I'll just say good luck and I hope it's just a phase.


 
Maybe I didn't explain myself that well. 
I'm not saying you should break up when you're bored, quite the opposite actually. You need to find new ways to spice up your relationship.
That being said, I do know some couples where _both_ partners thought it was for the best to end their relationship because they both didn't feel that thrill anymore. And the both is italicized for a reason.
If you really think you've tried EVERYTHING (which most probably haven't), then there's a hard decision to make.

There, less emotionless douchebag-y for you?


----------



## synrgy

So, I'm still very much in love. 

Sadly, while I think I may have finally found the woman of my dreams, there's a catch. (There's always a fucking catch! )

I'm a Yankee (



), and she's a Canuck. (



)

She didn't always live there; that's how I knew her. A lifetime ago (in the early 90's) her family lived in the States, in the same town I lived in at the time. Her older brother was one of my classmates. (RIP; he died last December..) Unfortunately for our purposes, she was never a US citizen.

She was just here for a 3 week visit, and it was glorious. One of the nice things about a long distance relationship is that you get to extend the 'honeymoon period' more or less indefinitely. 

Anyway, she went back home on Saturday. I had a long (almost 7 hours) drive home from dropping her off at her mother's place since they were going to visit before she flew back. The drive proved a decent distraction, but when I got home to my empty apartment and saw all the little signs that she'd been there, it drew further attention to the fact that she was no longer there.. I've been gutted since. Like, surprisingly so. It seems that the life I lived and loved for so long without her (work/music/game/eat/sleep/repeat) suddenly feels rather empty and meaningless now that she's in my life..

*sigh*

Just felt like sharing, and venting. Not soliciting advice, but thanks for reading.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^thats nice, man. sincerely hope it works out for you 

thanks to John and Fzau for the words. ill say that it IS the little things that make me not want to leave, but all those things considered im still just complacent, and that to me seems like a waste of time. and to fzau, i feel like ive done everything i can to keep things interesting, i mean ive taken her out to new places, introduced her to new people, done new......things.......in the sack.......and stuff. she is a genuinely good soul, and that is hard to find in this world. but she's so sweet and innocent it feels like im dating a 6 year old sometimes . i mean, i dont even really feel like going out of my way to sleep with her anymore, id rather go to sleep because i have shit to do the next day, that shouldnt happen right? that should be my answer right there, its just not easy leaving someone like that. sucks man.


----------



## Fzau

Have you tried to make it clear to her? Not necessarily by words, cause some girls would find that very offensive sadly enough depending on their characters. I'm not saying you should tell her "hunny, I'm sorry but I'm a bit bored with you", which would make her feel unloved I'd imagine. Maybe a spontaneous "I think we should try new stuff, you know, (to get out if this routine)" in the middle of a conversation could yield some results? 
On the sweet and innocent part, are you trying to say what I think you are trying to say? Like she's too sweet and innocent and you'd like to see the 'bad girl' side in her too? It's not THAT hard to change normally - although it could be after so many years. And since I haven't been in a relationship for that long and usually do that stuff in the beginning I'll let other people chime in here.

Hope it works out for both of you, mate!


----------



## metal_sam14

I agree with Fzau, just be gentle about it. sounds like you have a really nice girl there, but I can relate to relationships getting stale (in the past I have had really boring ones). my current girlfriend is super sweet and kind, but she also has a wicked side to her that is amazing, and I bet your girl does too, maybe she is just too shy to show you? anyway just bring it up casually, you might be surprised with the results


----------



## flo

Hi guys...
I think I need some advice how not to screw this up.

Me and my girlfriend for one and a half years are just taking two days off from each other, to give ourselves a little time to think about our relationship.
There's many things that are constantly going wrong, and we both claim that we're not ourselves anymore. People who are close to me like my sister say that I've changed alot since I got together with her. Fightig every day. Sometimes no guitar playing for weeks. Am I making myself clear?
So she's unhappy, I'm unhappy, we've tryed to change but it's not really getting anywhere.

The stupid thing is that we still love each other. I think that she's an amazing girl, but could it be that we're not ment to be a couple? Should we get some help from someone else?
So we agreed that each of us will think about how things should go on, weather to seperate or not.
I used to think like: I love her, she loves me, let's be together, we can change everything.
But since yesterday I'm undecided what to think of the whole thing. I felt relieved from tons of trouble during the past two days, it was so refreshing only to have my own things to worry about and not hers (and she's got a lot of trouble, what makes me always want to help her, I don't do the things that are important to me, I'm getting angry or depressed, she's getting mad, etc...)

So it's the feelings of many months against the spntanious feeling of one day. Maybe I shouldn't rush things. 
Right now, my favourite solution would be to remain sex buddies, but maybe I'd better not say that tomorrow. 

Any advice is very welcome!


----------



## flo

JohnIce said:


> It would be that simple if you were an emotionless douchebag  But when you spend so much time with someone, you build up memories, learn to love the most irrelevant aspects of that person, you grow attached to so many things that brighten your everyday life and THOSE are the things that will keep you from wanting to break up. And it's usually the little things you miss the most, not the things you were attracted to in the first place. Let's say you were attracted to your GF because she was a brunette with big boobs and a nice smile... there are millions of other girls like that. But finding one that has the same cute way of eating pizza... you know where I'm going with this.
> 
> I can only imagine what it'd be like to be together with someone for 5 years. Not to mention being uncomfortable with eachother after 5 years. I don't think I have much advice to give, I'll just say good luck and I hope it's just a phase.



It's a case of "read the thread, dude!"
I think I've found the answer, tack för ditt visa råd john


----------



## Mexi

flo said:


> Hi guys...
> I think I need some advice how not to screw this up.
> 
> Me and my girlfriend for one and a half years are just taking two days off from each other, to give ourselves a little time to think about our relationship.
> There's many things that are constantly going wrong, and we both claim that we're not ourselves anymore. People who are close to me like my sister say that I've changed alot since I got together with her. Fightig every day. Sometimes no guitar playing for weeks. Am I making myself clear?
> So she's unhappy, I'm unhappy, we've tryed to change but it's not really getting anywhere.
> 
> The stupid thing is that we still love each other. I think that she's an amazing girl, but could it be that we're not ment to be a couple? Should we get some help from someone else?
> So we agreed that each of us will think about how things should go on, weather to seperate or not.
> I used to think like: I love her, she loves me, let's be together, we can change everything.
> But since yesterday I'm undecided what to think of the whole thing. I felt relieved from tons of trouble during the past two days, it was so refreshing only to have my own things to worry about and not hers (and she's got a lot of trouble, what makes me always want to help her, I don't do the things that are important to me, I'm getting angry or depressed, she's getting mad, etc...)
> 
> So it's the feelings of many months against the spntanious feeling of one day. Maybe I shouldn't rush things.
> Right now, my favourite solution would be to remain sex buddies, but maybe I'd better not say that tomorrow.
> 
> Any advice is very welcome!



eh, going from a 1 1/2 year relationship to just being "sex buddies" probably won't fly with most girls that genuinely crave a real relationship that extends beyond physical pleasure. I can sympathize b/c my ex had tonnnns of personal problems that would always creep into the daily relationship and would be a real buzz kill. If you two are genuinely unhappy (and judging from your post) you are, then the solution is really quite simple. Since there is no bad blood between you two (presumably) you can end things lightly, saying how priorities have shifted and feelings have changed, cause if you feel like a huge weight is being lifted off your shoulders BECAUSE of time off from her, then you really aren't meant to be a long-term relationship with her. The key is to have similar goals in the relationship, otherwise cracks will inevitably appear and it will all go to hell.


----------



## Bungle

glassmoon0fo said:


> ...she is a genuinely good soul, and that is hard to find in this world. but she's so sweet and innocent it feels like im dating a 6 year old sometimes....


Sounds like my girl. I've been with her about 9 months, we're 25-26, she's a bit of a looker, a genuinely lovely girl with a heart of gold, she gets along like a house on fire with everybody. She plays the shit out of guitar (mainly acoustic but she's getting an Agile AL soon ), plays piano and sings like an angel.

Unfortunately, she wants to wait until marriage to, er, do... _stuff_, and, well, that'd still be a few years off, don't want to rush into things. She's sexually retarded, she's said that herself, she's got no clue about intimate stuff (she didn't know where the g-spot was until I told her ). I love her, I really do, but.... it's hard to be with somebody I feel this way about without doing.... _stuff_. She says if I love her I'd wait, and I do love her and I'm already sick of waiting  Also, she wants to have like, 5 kids one day and I don't want any at all, so I can see this being a sticking point if we stay together long enough to seriously consider marriage.

*sigh* Sorry guys, just needed to vent a little.


----------



## Joeywilson

I need some help. Basically, I am like a million in love with this girl (yes, a million!). Unfortunately, in order to map my situation out properly I am going to have to introduce a massive wall of text. (Keep in mind that through this whole thing I&#8217;ve browsed this thread, and compared other situations to my own and tried to use everyone&#8217;s advice to my advantage). I told myself if I ever got to the point where I was this into a girl I would drive off a cliff. 

Let's backtrack all the way to June of this year.

I graduated from high school (I know, high school! This must be uber serious.) a semester early, and at the end of every year there is a talent show, which I always avoided like a plague. However, this year I decided "why not, it's my last year of high school" and played Drifting by Andy Mckee (went over very well by the way). And then Girl of my dreams (obviously not going to say her name) plays her song. She is a very, very talented singer and songwriter, extremely mature/pretty/coolest personality too which is surprising seeing as I am two years her senior. After everything we got to talking and stuff, I was like "hey come record songs in my mega-lame kinda sucky studio", which she was totally down for. 

Now of course, she had a boyfriend. FML!!!!111!

Regardless we pretty much didn't do any recording and just hung out all the time over the holidays, like If we didn&#8217;t see each other every day we'd see each other every two-three days, and we'd talk pretty much every day. I got a cell phone for the sole purpose of talking to her. I even took her out on her birthday, we were supposed to go to a fancy restaurant but we got sushi and then we went to a book store, sat in a corner and she read to me for like two hours, and honestly, it was the most fun I'd ever had! (Keep in mind she still had a boyfriend at this point).

A few weeks later we were still hanging out and stuff She&#8217;d come over and we&#8217;d make cookies and stuff, I think it was pretty obvious that I was absolutely head over heels for her at this point to. One night, she called me out of the blue and asked me if I&#8217;d come see her at an open mic, it was 8:00 and she was going on at 8:15. I don't know how but I somehow managed to make a 30 minute commute in 10. I was pretty stoked on life at this point. After walking into the coffee shop I saw her pretty face, and the lumpy kid wearing flip-flops that she was going out with. I was pretty choked. 

I sucked it up, sat down (next to her boyfriend) and just watched her. as soon as she went up, he went to the bathroom to take a crap (and I'm willing to bet that he does not wipe his ass, he was gone for a good 2-2 1/2 minutes- waaayy too long to take a leak and waaaayy to short to take a crap!). After he came out he didn't even watch her, he just texted some other person whose probably also a douche. And then after she played we were all sitting down talking for a few minutes, and I saw them kiss. That really sucked! I kinda just stood up and said bye to her, we hugged and I left (I actually had to leave for band practice, the timing was just awkward).

I was waiting for my vocalist to come pick me up and I texted her to tell her that she was "really, really awesome tonight...as usual", somehow she knew I was mega bummed about something, which of course I denied but she kept picking until she asked me if "I like her". At that point I was pretty sure it was obvious, but I said I don't want to say because I didn't want to make things awkward between us. She said she didn't care if I did, so I told her what was up, pretty much. She told me she knew the whole time we hung out too, so I thought it was no biggie.

THAT WAS MY FIRST MISTAKE! (yes, disregarding John&#8217;s wisdom)

I saw her a few days later when my buddy and me were walking home from someplace, and she didn't even say hi to me. I talked to her a few days later, I asked her if she wanted to hit up white spot with me (it's her favourite restaurant, I&#8217;d take her somewhere nicer if it wasn't), and she said that she didn't think it was such a good idea, her boyfriend didn't like me hanging out with her all the time and taking her out places. I was pretty heartbroken at that point.

I knew that telling her was a big mistake, but even though she didn't seem to want to talk to me in person we still texted each other a lot, she came to me with her problems and everything she was going through. She even said that if she hadn&#8217;t been going out with this guy on and off for three years things would be different. 

She went on vacation for a week with her family and got back at the end of the holidays, high school started for her, university for me. Literally the first day of school my really good friend (who is also really good friends with her) phoned me and told me that she broke up with her boyfriend. As bad as it sounds, I was pretty stoked on that, ha-ha. I obviously didn't start talking to her right away but against my better judgment I texted her just to say hi. 
Now, while she was in Hawaii, I decided to get her something. No reason, it's just the way I am. We're both pretty into piercings so I got her this gnarly belly button ring with a dinosaur on it. It was pretty dope and she really likes those kinds of things.
I told her that I got her something and she got really mad at me, that really sucked. I went home and ran for a really long time, I stopped because I started throwing up everywhere. Then I drank some water and worked out for an hour or so. That was a really bad day I was so sad. By the next day, I still hadn't heard from her. I got home from band practice at around 3-4 in the morning and I had the ABSOLUTE FUCKING GENIUS idea to send her a beautifully phrased message that in great detail explained that I "felt like I had to say this, then I'll leave you alone", everything I love about her, why I love her, etc, etc, etc...

I think this mistake was the equivalent of a 6000 foot tall cock bukkake tsunami-ing Tokyo. She got really mad at me again, mostly about me buying her the belly button ring. The thing that sucked the most though is that she asked me why our friendship isn't enough. That was the worst. I went out and sat at the mall drinking coffee all day, I was actually shaking a little bit.

So like a week and a half went by, I didn't hear from her, And out of nowhere she phoned me and we were talking again, like nothing had happened. We were talking a lot again. This time I didn't want to ruin it though. 

So now, a week later we're going to a concert together, just me and her. It's one of her favourite bands. I am super stoked and I don't want to ruin it. I actually love her, not just "oh man she&#8217;s bangin'" I would actually do anything for her. 

I don't think she's totally out of my league or anything either. I mean, I've been informed that I'm moderately attractive, I work out every day + cardio + I eat fairly healthy. I teach guitar and work a part time job, as well as go to school and play in a band with some fairly reputable musicians in the Vancouver area. So I&#8217;m not a total bum or anything . We have a lot of the same interests and a lot of things that are new to each of us. All I know for sure is that we both really enjoy each other&#8217;s company. She knows I really like her and I&#8217;m pretty sure that&#8217;s part of the problem. 


That felt really good to type out.


----------



## metal_sam14

^ wow man thats one complicated story! best of luck to you, if it is meant to be, then you will end up together, there is heaps of potential there by the sound of it, just give her time to get over her old boyfriend, the rebound period is always tense for anyone


----------



## Joeywilson

metal_sam14 said:


> ^ wow man thats one complicated story! best of luck to you, if it is meant to be, then you will end up together, there is heaps of potential there by the sound of it, just give her time to get over her old boyfriend, the rebound period is always tense for anyone



Thanks dude, thats definatly comforting to hear!


----------



## metal_sam14

metallisuk said:


> Thanks dude, thats definatly comforting to hear!



no worries mate, I did some stupid stupid shit on the rebound last year, coming out of a long relationship, it takes a bit of adjusting haha


----------



## metal_sam14

Time for a real contribution to this thread, a bit of a contrast to the usual stuff on here but I want to share 
I have been dating a girl for 6 months now, and really feel like I am in love for once. she is so sweet and kind, we get along so well and everything is easy with her. we can literally sit and do nothing for hours and still have fun. she keeps introducing me to weird, folky style bands which is great. she is the most beautiful creature on the face of the earth to me 

there you go SS.org, there is my puke worthy story


----------



## flo

metallisuk said:


> I actually love her, not just "oh man shes bangin'" I would actually do anything for her.
> 
> 
> She knows I really like her and Im pretty sure thats part of the problem.



You're lost, my friend

No really, you've read the thread. 
Pretend that you weren't intrested any more, flirt with other girls, open up your mind. She's NOT the only one for you right? There's tons of girls at university. 
(At least this is the message for her, feel free to love her how much you want, but don't show it  )
This is gonna start the challenge. Make yourself rare, but feed her hope just a little bit from time to time. 

You don't seem to need more self-esteem, but you know we're with you. Get her


----------



## flo

metal_sam14 said:


> Time for a real contribution to this thread, a bit of a contrast to the usual stuff on here but I want to share
> I have been dating a girl for 6 months now, and really feel like I am in love for once. she is so sweet and kind, we get along so well and everything is easy with her. we can literally sit and do nothing for hours and still have fun. she keeps introducing me to weird, folky style bands which is great. she is the most beautiful creature on the face of the earth to me
> 
> there you go SS.org, there is my puke worthy story









no really congrats mate


----------



## Fzau

metal_sam14 said:


> Time for a real contribution to this thread, a bit of a contrast to the usual stuff on here but I want to share
> I have been dating a girl for 6 months now, and really feel like I am in love for once. she is so sweet and kind, we get along so well and everything is easy with her. we can literally sit and do nothing for hours and still have fun. she keeps introducing me to weird, folky style bands which is great. she is the most beautiful creature on the face of the earth to me
> 
> there you go SS.org, there is my puke worthy story


 
I read this an hour ago and I'm still puking..
Disgusting! 

I'm actually dating a nice girl myself.  
Going great for now, let's see how it progresses!
Please don't let her get boring.


----------



## metal_sam14

fuck I love this forum


----------



## Joeywilson

flo said:


> You're lost, my friend
> 
> No really, you've read the thread.
> Pretend that you weren't intrested any more, flirt with other girls, open up your mind. She's NOT the only one for you right? There's tons of girls at university.
> (At least this is the message for her, feel free to love her how much you want, but don't show it  )
> This is gonna start the challenge. Make yourself rare, but feed her hope just a little bit from time to time.
> 
> You don't seem to need more self-esteem, but you know we're with you. Get her



Thanks man, I'll try it out It's really hard to not show it though. I think I'm kinda screwed though because I think her and her boyfriend are getting back together.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

I went on a legitimate date for the first time in over 6 months (since I broke up with my ex) last night, and I'll chalk it up to a success. We hit up a Mexican place for dinner, and I thought that would be that, but we ended up deciding to check out a movie, which only started 45 minutes later, so in the meantime, shared a piece of cheesecake and a frozen hot chocolate (fucking delicious). I walked her home and we ended up hanging around for another hour and a half or so, and when we said our goodbyes, she busted out the "I think we should see each other again". I'm pretty damn stoked. She's pretty awesome and on top of being the only girl I've met who shares my ridiculous sense of humour and appreciation for the odd and obscene, she's ridiculously good-looking. Win.


----------



## JohnIce

JeffFromMtl said:


> ...appreciation for the odd and obscene, she's ridiculously good-looking. Win.


 
I summed up the important parts of your post. 

Haha kidding man, that sounds awesome! Best of luck to you mate, just remember to keep your cool and know that whatever went right on this date is what you should keep doing on the next one! 

On another note, tonight I'm finally dealing with the triangle-drama thing I mentioned before... both girls are definately growing on me, and I've kind of sent them both pretty clear signals that I'm interested... I'll see what happens. One of them is doing the "hard-to-get"-routine a little more than the other so maybe she'll have to go then, we'll see how it pans out.


----------



## leandroab

metallisuk said:


> I think this mistake was the equivalent of a 6000 foot tall cock bukkake tsunami-ing Tokyo.



Sigd 


I need a girlfriend. [89]


----------



## Murmel

metallisuk said:


> I think this mistake was the equivalent of a 6000 foot tall cock bukkake tsunami-ing Tokyo.


Oh my God


----------



## Joeywilson

It was a pretty big mistake!


----------



## leandroab

metallisuk said:


> It was a pretty big mistake!



That's what she said.


----------



## blister7321

metallisuk said:


> It was a pretty big mistake!




dude i know exactly how you feel 
just keep playing it her way for awhile and eventually it'll come back up


----------



## MSalonen

Alright, I need some input from you guys on something.

So on Tuesday night at a Swallow the Sun show, I met this chick who is not only really hot, but really cool and also a huge nerd. We hit it off really well, and she gave me her number and suggested further hanging out.

Ran into her again at the Nevermore show last night, and things again were going really well. But then at some point she decided that instead of getting a ride home with me, she was going to go with her friends. Alright, whatever, that's cool. But it made me confused as to her interest.

Then I made the fucking cardinal sin rule of sustaining attraction. I texted her and ended up telling her that I liked her. Fuuuuuu-

Basically, off of previous experiences, I would imagine that I just completely sabotaged myself. And it kind of seems that way in this case as well, as she said that it was sweet. But after that, she said that she wanted me to know that she's a "good girl" and "not easy". Which would be promising, except that she then said she wanted to be me friend, and asked if that was ok. I said I respected her not being easy, but I don't treat friends the same way (as those I'm interested in).

So I'm pretty sure I'm fucked, but also kind of confused.

Update edit: Well I didn't text her today, but she texted me and asked if I wanted to go to an upcoming show (of a band I told her about last night) in october with her. I said sure, and that she should come to my birthday this wednesday. She said she would try and make it since that's one of her few days off for a while but she has to get up at 5am the next morning so she can't stay out too late.


----------



## Fzau

leandroab said:


> Sigd
> 
> 
> I need a girlfriend. [89]


 
A female friend is coming over for some massaging.. 
Totallyboned.


----------



## leandroab

So, I failed again yesterday 

Ididn't even get drunk. 

Only cool highlight of yesterday is that ppl from the US called me on my cel and I had one of the funniest convos ever!

Also, I met 2 Norwegiam dudes, really awesome ppl. I did ask if they liked black metal. They don't. Hahhahaha


----------



## HamBungler

Haven't gotten any of this sorta stuff out in a bit so I thought I would contribute to this thread, huzzah!

So, being single is both great and also a huge drag. For the most part I'm happy and more productive than ever, maintaining both a decent job, playing bass in a band as well as acting as co-recording engineer for our debut EP, and doing all sorts of ensembles for school to keep me a busy, happy camper. However, I am starting to miss having female companionship which gets to me every so often, but doesn't really bother me as much as the thought used to.

Now for the bigger part of the problem  I am head-over-heels for one of the bartender/waitresses at my work. She is pretty much the spitting image of an ideal girl for me; absolutely stunning, artistic, awesome personality, great music taste, and I also don't mind she's a little older than me. We talk on occasion and generally get along pretty well, and on the weekends when we get free drinks after work she always makes mine a little stronger, which is pretty awesome haha. My problem is mostly me being a generally super shy/high anxiety sorta guy. I would very much like to talk to her more and generally present myself as an interesting person but I always think I'll fuck it up, for whatever reason. I've been meaning to ask her out to get drinks or something sometime and decided this week I need to do it  Either I'll invite her to my teacher's band's show (more or less a good way to show I'm nice because I support local talent and appreciate my teachers, so bonus there haha) or perhaps karaoke at the bar my older brother used to work at and still gets discounted drinks because they still love him there and I usually get that treatment as well haha. So, are these good ideas? Any other tips that would help me get over stupid anxiety problems and the like? Appreciate it, gents


----------



## avenger

Know whats fun? 

When your ex's friends like you and want to hang out and your ex gets extremely jealous about it. Normaly I would say hanging out with an ex's friends is probaly a dick move but she ended things so I dont feel bad about it. Actually I think it boosts my ego way to much.


----------



## MSalonen

Minor update.

So she's been texting me pretty regularly, and said she would definitely be coming to stop by on Wednesday to wish me a happy birthday (without me bringing it up), so I guess that's a good thing. Her friend also left a funny comment on her facebook wall (am I weird much? yeah) that said "Kelly is my lover, not yours! " which I am not taking seriously, and am taking as a playful joke, as it may not have even been directed to anyone in particular.

Basically, whatever the outcome may be, I know I need to not think so much about it, worry, or care.


----------



## jaretthale78

i talked to a girl before.
then my computer froze.


----------



## JohnIce

avenger said:


> Know whats fun?
> 
> When your ex's friends like you and want to hang out and your ex gets extremely jealous about it. Normaly I would say hanging out with an ex's friends is probaly a dick move but she ended things so I dont feel bad about it. Actually I think it boosts my ego way to much.


 
Indeed. Guilty of doing exactly that 2 days ago, was kinda nice


----------



## MSalonen

Alright, so I apologize for going on and on. To circumvent further blabbering on about stupid shit, I'm going to try and boil everything down to a (relatively) simple question for anyone that can hopefully help me. Any input is, as always, extremely appreciated.

What would you do if, after (unfortunately) telling a girl you liked them and seemingly getting the friend zone response, she kept on acting like she was interested in more than that?


----------



## aslsmm

get her druck as hell. ha ha no im just kidding. i fi was you id just try and ignore her ass. if girls say your just friends then that means she isn't attracted to you cause she is looking for brad pitt. however if you ignore her she may decided to push the issue till yo get some kind of action. unfortunalty for you though, it wouldn't really go any where as far as a long term relationship is concerned. sorry man it jsut sounds like she puling you around.

btw never tell a girl you like them till your already engaged.


----------



## eventhetrees

I'm so whipped by this girl I keep talking to you guys about.

She's playing me hard. We went out drinking, slept together (nothing happened not even kissing, but lots of cuddling and all that nice stuff) and yeah her friend with us was really confused cause she thought we were just friends and yeah, looked like we were dating. a few days later she's like "were still jsut friends right? that was kind of awkward..."

If she really thought it was awkward she wouldn't lean into me, insist on cuddling as much as I did etc. She's reluctant to just admit we have something....

and now...were just randomly talking and I was laughing about how I was searching up a friend on facebook. and a 16 year old girl with her in a bra came up as the first search result (not my friend I'm looking for) shes like... lol I once had a pic up like that and sends me this SUPER hot pic of her from 1.5 years ago....not gonna lie dudes..boner time... I was like WTF...I totally walked into that...

and I was rambling to her like an idiot about how hot she is (I honestly don't care) she knows she has me wrapped around her finger. and is making me get her girlfriend a ticket to a show were going to in late oct, even though I was explaining I'd hardly be able to make it to get one.....I'm going out of my way for her...bending over backwards so to say for no reason. I shouldn't be doing this...

BUT she has me WHIPPED.



she pretty much told me in the nicest way I missed my opportunity about a month ago when she was really open to the idea!

F M L!!!


----------



## Bungle

Dude, that's fucked. Don't put the pussy on a pedestal. You'll never get any from anybody hot or not at that rate and you'll be stuck on the friends basket forever.

I know you're already aware that you're getting whipped by a pussy you aren't tasting, and don't take it the wrong way cos I'm going to sound like an arsehole, but you're what's known as a "cuddle bitch".



> [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Cuddle bitch(n) - a guy who never gets to sleep with a girl but gets to have intimate moments with her like cuddling, spooning, or otherwise being affectionate. Usually this will occur in private. She probably considers him a really sweet guy, which is the kiss of death.[/FONT]


Read this shit, seriously. It's good stuff.

The Ladder Theory


----------



## eventhetrees

THAT IS EXACTLY ME RIGHT NOW.

HAHA

She was getting scared she wouldn't be in control. I need to find a balance where I'm being assertive and still being a bit nice at the same time.

That's pretty much exactly it. She keeps telling me how I'm really sweet etc

Yet yeah, she knows what she's doing. Next time she slips up or we end up cuddling again, I'm going for it, I don't care anymore. One of my best friends who's a girl (who's super annoyed at the situation too for me, cause she's even confusing her!) said, Don't think about the past, OR the future, think about now, and honestly just fuck it all, go for it. She's playing you, play right back... I guess is a way to put it?


Edit:

Scenario 3: A girl says any of the following to you:

&#8226; "You're like a brother to me"
&#8226; "You're like a big teddy bear".
&#8226; "I feel like I can talk to you about anything"
&#8226; "You're so nice"
&#8226; "Can you help me with my homework"

Ladder Theory Explanation: You are on the friends ladder. So Sorry.​ You can see that a lot of problems can be avoided(though sadly not problem two) by declaring as soon as possible to a girl that you will not be friends under any circumstances. You can explain that she is too attractive or you can be blunt and say you don't want to bend your "friends" over a table and fuck them, but would rather play poker and go to the races with them, thus disqualifying her from friendship. As long as you are clear. This may scare a girl away. But if it does what would you want with such a skittish little twit anyway?.

Cuddle Bitch = BRO ZONE pretty much

As I said, she slips up, I'm gonna at least kiss her and try go further. This is getting to be ridiculous. Unless I meet another girl before I see her.

She behaves awkwardly too cause she's denying her own feelings, she may not want a relationship, quite frankly I actually wanna date her less and less, but I still want her....friends of this caliber can still makeout/perhaps fuck without commitments, cause...WERE JUST FRIENDS..hah. I dunno

I honestly need to really NOT care next time I'm with her. I cared a LOT less last time (led to lots of awesome thigns, but her friend aka safety net was in the way) and yeah...w00000000000


----------



## Bungle

I dunno man, I've been in that situation before, I'm not going to let it happen again. If it was me, I'd tell her to fuck off. You're not getting anything out of her physically and it seems pretty clear that she's abusing your friendship by making you bend over backwards to buy her and her mates shit. Fuck that.

Failing that, you could go for an "all or nothing" approach and let her know that you want to fuck her or go out with her or whatever it is you want to do with her.

I mean, what have you got to lose? You're not fucking her/going out with her now so if she rejects you all you've got to lose is her friendship, which doesn't sound like you're losing much anyway.



eventhetrees said:


> She was getting scared she wouldn't be in control. I need to find a balance where I'm being assertive and still being a bit nice at the same time.


You can get some control and not be a cunt. Basically, at least once a week when she wants to do something, make yourself unavailable. Show her you don't sit around waiting for her to call you (which you probably don't anyway), but let it be clear that your life doesn't revolve around her.

Remember:

*A girl's shit stinks too.*


----------



## eventhetrees

Bungle said:


> I mean, what have you got to lose? You're not fucking her/going out with her now so if she rejects you all you've got to lose is her friendship, which doesn't sound like you're losing much anyway.



I edited my post too, check it out.

Yeah exactly.

I'm gonna play it by ear. I think it's truly safe to go for the all or nothing for even friends with benefits. Cause this is getting out of hand.

Even as a friendship it's one sided, she cares about things relating to her, I talk about myself even the smallest bit, she'd kinda talk about it, but not enthusiastically at all and nowhere near as much as I'd help her out etc.

So even as a friendship, I'm not losing much, she's soooooooooooooooooooooooo hot though (at least to me)... and yeah... the pic she sent today,,driving me nuts


----------



## Bungle

I'm not saying this is you, but in my case, I was a big pussy that was too scared to make a move on a chick because I'd think "what if they're not interested". I was so incredibly sick of either:

a) being too scared and then spending weeks thinking "what if", and

b) realising a few hours/days/weeks later that she actually *was *interested and I was too scared and/or stupid to do anything about it.

Then, about this time last year, I thought "Who gives a fuck?!" and I've been loving it ever since. I only went out on a few dates after that decision to not give a fuck (or give less of a fuck than normal), but the third girl ended up my girlfriend in late December and we're still going strong now. Not that long ago she said that when we started hanging out back in early December that she had *no *intention of actually going out with me, she was 100% adamant on being single in 2010 (her last relationship was kind of tough on her) and just wanted to be friends with me. That was until I thought "Fuck it, it's worth a shot" and kissed her while we were watching movies in my room, that fucked her plans right up


----------



## MSalonen

Yeah, Bungie is pretty much dead on. And it sounds like we're in somewhat similar situations Trees (though mine is stil in the early stages).

I think you should just go for it. Like he said, the most you have to lose is your friendship with her, which clearly isn't what you want anyway. What also might be worth trying is, before doing so, showing an almost complete lack of interest. Then see if that peaks her own, or just lets her drift off. If the former, then she obviously has some attraction. If the latter, then it would be in vain anyway.

As for me, I'm going to do something similar (and I'm even tempted to give the "I don't want to bend my friends over a table and fuck them" line). But as things are still pretty early to judge (it seems to me, as its been less than a week), I'm not sure whether or not I should show interest when I see her on Wednesday...


----------



## eventhetrees

Exactly. I only live once. I'm wondering too much What if? with this girl. Cause it's been like 2 months now and yeah...I'll either fuck up her plans or we'll see what happens. But my problem is I'm too actively looking for a "relationship" and never just let things happen, most will turn into nothing but that odd one will, I get my hopes set on one girl too high and I keep getting let down and it's hard to get back from that is all. 

She's been treating me a bit too much like shit recently. I've been talking to her a lot less, especially texting her...one day I didn't do it for 3 days and she was finally all like...hey whats up? etc and talked to me a lot cause well, she said she 'cares about me a lot" etc.

I dunno if I'll so much be forward with her and just kiss her, it'll blow up too much. I might just be like hey, you know what...fuck this we need to talk for real...and just tell her in a nice way she needs to fuck off  haha or just...kiss her...depends on the situation...I'll play it by ear!

Thanks a ton dude.

You really summed it up in 2 words though. Cuddle Bitch. Dunno how I've never heard that term before, but...insanely helpful haha!


----------



## MSalonen

Good luck dude!


----------



## eventhetrees

MSalonen said:


> Yeah, Bungie is pretty much dead on. And it sounds like we're in somewhat similar situations Trees (though mine is stil in the early stages).
> 
> I think you should just go for it. Like he said, the most you have to lose is your friendship with her, which clearly isn't what you want anyway. What also might be worth trying is, before doing so, showing an almost complete lack of interest. Then see if that peaks her own, or just lets her drift off. If the former, then she obviously has some attraction. If the latter, then it would be in vain anyway.



Thanks dude, yeah .... as I said in my above post (sorry double post) I don't talk to her, she gets worried and talks to me a lot. I'm gonna show more of a lack of interest. 

During our convo she knows I even liked her back in the day and the pic she sent me was an older pic. and I'm like. SEE why I found you so intimidating back then....and shes like oh..so I'm not intimidating anymore? 

Bam...but then no I babble and go no no you still are... .Fufufufuf

I'm gonna not get "soft" on her so easily anymore and it'll drive her nuts...


----------



## Bungle

Also, One-itis.



> [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Oneitis - [/FONT]Often confused with love, this is the feeling that a particular woman is actually special. This is just an illusion; she is the same as the other three or so billion. "Go fuck ten other women" is the most commonly prescribed treatment for this "disease" (hence the "-itis"), as it tends to show quite quickly how very alike people are. In other words, get over yourself and your obsession with that girl, because it's just an illusion. And when you get rejected, don't be depressed. Because there's really not much to worry about.



I know she's hot, but dude, there's always gonna be hotter ones. And kinkier ones. And less headfucky ones.


----------



## Bungle

Another new term for you guys. Oneitis, or one-itis. Basically getting too caught up in one girl you're not going out with, not fucking, not in a relationship with, etc.



> [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Oneitis - [/FONT]Often confused with love, this is the feeling that a particular woman is actually special. This is just an illusion; she is the same as the other three or so billion. "Go fuck ten other women" is the most commonly prescribed treatment for this "disease" (hence the "itis"), as it tends to show quite quickly how very alike people are. In other words, get over yourself and your obsession with that girl, because it's just an illusion. And when you get rejected, don't be depressed. Because there's really not much to worry about.


This definition is a bit... nihilistic (I think that's the right term....) but you get the idea.


----------



## eventhetrees

that's exactly it too.

I'm hoping to meet someone else too in the meantime, it's the fastest way I'll get over her.

The more I talk about her, the more I realize it's mostly a physical attraction I want to explore a lot more at this point as bad as that may be to say. But over the past 2 months I've done too much for her and to not even get a kiss/make out back, is a bit rough...and that shit isn't much of a big deal at all now a days.

I love this thread btw....you guys are the best.

I'll keep you posted as my Oneitis and cuddle bitchin continues!


----------



## leandroab

eventhetrees...


Next time approach her and try to do your thang..

If she backs away and gives you the "friendzone" signal a couple of times, THEN just say "oh you know what, fuck this shit" turns around a leaves. Since you're are not interested in her friendship (and her friends') that will work like a charm. Or she will have some kind of remorse and think about the situation and actually bend over, or nothing will happen and you will feel awesome by almost bitch slapping that ho!


----------



## JohnIce

Haha that's some awesome stuff Bungle, I'll have to read up on the ladder theory! 

@Trees, I'm definately with Bungle in that you shouldn't "go for it" if she gets cuddly... this will either make you come across as an idiot who won't take a no, or as a rapist 

You're clearly frustrated with the girl, you clearly thinks she's acting like an ass, she doesn't care about what you say, and you clearly see she's playing you sideways... what aspects of that do you want in a girlfriend?

Fuck her! Figurately speaking, that is... stop thinking about fucking her. Ignore her like the annoying bitch she is, and if she asks about why you're ignoring her, tell her it's because you got sick of her being indecisive and egocentric and that you're not looking for a "friend" like her. Tell her that you were thinking of a physical relationship but that she's passed the point of being interesting and that she's not worth the effort anymore.

And here's the most important part: This CAN lead her to rethink her shit and become interested in you again... but this is NOT why you're doing it! Your reason for setting things straight with her is to practice taking a stand and respecting yourself even when it means saying no to a hot girl. Realize that YOU have the power of rejection, not just her. That confidence-boost and better self-image will help you in the future and help you get better girls than this bitch.


----------



## leandroab

Makes more sense. 

But who doesn't like a lil' rape once in a while?


----------



## Konfyouzd

jaretthale78 said:


> i talked to a girl before.
> then my computer froze.


 


you win


----------



## scottro202

This sounds like a very stupid question, but I feel I should ask it anyways.

Is it bad/weird/not good/a bad idea/stupid/creepy for a Junior in high school (16/17 for non USAers) to date/go out/hook-up with/fuck/have any sort of non-friend relationship with a girl who's 2 years younger? So, a freshman?


----------



## renzoip

scottro202 said:


> This sounds like a very stupid question, but I feel I should ask it anyways.
> 
> Is it bad/weird/not good/a bad idea/stupid/creepy for a Junior in high school (16/17 for non USAers) to date/go out/hook-up with/fuck/have any sort of non-friend relationship with a girl who's 2 years younger? So, a freshman?



I don't see anything weird in that. I had my first gf at 16, she was 14. We dated for 3 months. It was all good.


----------



## vampiregenocide

scottro202 said:


> This sounds like a very stupid question, but I feel I should ask it anyways.
> 
> Is it bad/weird/not good/a bad idea/stupid/creepy for a Junior in high school (16/17 for non USAers) to date/go out/hook-up with/fuck/have any sort of non-friend relationship with a girl who's 2 years younger? So, a freshman?


 
Presuming the age of consent is 16 out there too, its okay but be very careful and take it slow. If her parents found out, they might not approve.


----------



## renzoip

vampiregenocide said:


> Presuming the age of consent is 16 out there too, its okay but be very careful and take it slow. If her parents found out, they might not approve.



 I forgot to add that part. My first gf's parents were cool and we didn't get to do anything.


----------



## Varcolac

scottro202 said:


> This sounds like a very stupid question, but I feel I should ask it anyways.
> 
> Is it bad/weird/not good/a bad idea/stupid/creepy for a Junior in high school (16/17 for non USAers) to date/go out/hook-up with/fuck/have any sort of non-friend relationship with a girl who's 2 years younger? So, a freshman?



Creepy in my opinion. That all changes once you hit college/turn 18 though. Or at least, it could change. Met my girlfriend on an MA course, and it turns out we'd both have been in the same school year, as we both took two years out between school, undergrad and postgrad. So, like it or not, my experience is mainly with women of the same academic year as me. Guess I just find it creepy because there's so many pop-cultural things that change between years. If she didn't get my references to being five years old and watching Captain Planet (and the Planeteers, original series, fuck that "New Adventures" noise), I'd feel like an old man. 

But of course, you don't get that reference. So now I feel like an old man. It's not creepy though, but that's because I don't want to get you naked. Does that make sense? 

I mean, not that young women wouldn't want to get you naked. Just, you're not my type. Like, you're a dude. And way too young to get my Captain Planet references.

Okay, I'll shut up now.


----------



## MFB

Man, lady-friend is sick so we can't hang out for a while


----------



## Konfyouzd

scottro202 said:


> This sounds like a very stupid question, but I feel I should ask it anyways.
> 
> Is it bad/weird/not good/a bad idea/stupid/creepy for a Junior in high school (16/17 for non USAers) to date/go out/hook-up with/fuck/have any sort of non-friend relationship with a girl who's 2 years younger? So, a freshman?


 
No. 

I typically have a problem w/ guys who go after young girls as most of them seem to be immature guys incapable of getting with girls their own age, but you seem like a cool dude.


----------



## Konfyouzd

MFB said:


> Man, lady-friend is sick so we can't hang out for a while


 
Mine doesn't exist so I feel your pain... Kinda...


----------



## JohnIce

Konfyouzd said:


> No.
> 
> I typically have a problem w/ guys who go after young girls as most of them seem to be immature guys incapable of getting with girls their own age, but you seem like a cool dude.


 
Not to mention girls, especially young ones, are generally attracted to older guys... so I don't see anything wrong with dating a younger girl, but well, at least keep it legal.


----------



## MFB

Konfyouzd said:


> Mine doesn't exist so I feel your pain... Kinda...



That's the thing, this is the first lady-friend I've actually wanted a relation with since the last girl I chased for 3 years. It's been three years since that (2007) and I've finally found someone who's worth hanging with and when we started hanging out more - of course she gets strep and there's nothing I can do to help


----------



## renzoip

Konfyouzd said:


> Mine doesn't exist so I feel your pain... Kinda...



Mine existed for 2 weeks. That relationship ended up being a complete joke so we called it quits. At least I got lots of action out of it!


----------



## eventhetrees

JohnIce said:


> @Trees, I'm definately with Bungle in that you shouldn't "go for it" if she gets cuddly... this will either make you come across as an idiot who won't take a no, or as a rapist




This kinda stuck with me all day. Along with everything else you said. It would be creepy. Though she does behave in ways sometimes where it wouldn't be so creepy, but that's aside from the point. 

It made me ask if I even like her as much as I did anymore. She's being rude. I ended up doing that favour I mentioned in the last post. No regard or even thanks for it. So she's being not very nice. So I'm not talking to her at all nor making myself available at all. I'm just hung up on her cause of the amount she led me on and I'm so wound up and got nothing.

Though I've met real cute girls since. Fuck even last night I approached 3 cute girls, to get to one. Got her name (could have gotten her number) and a n awesome hug (only from the girl I liked, made it obvious I liked her. Conviniently my buddy was around by fluke and heard them talking about me as we split saying "wow he was real cute and nice!". My buddy said he's seen her around often enough so I'm bound to run into her again! 

But yeah oddly my confidence is up and, I dunno, I'm not gonna be so mellow and shy anymore. I need to live it up now, I am 19 afterall! haha

But yeah, it's not the end of the world, there's other girls. I'm getting out there!

AND if that girl is down with friends with benifits, I'm down too! lmao

thanks for the help d00ds!


----------



## Bungle

eventhetrees said:


> But yeah oddly my confidence is up and, I dunno, I'm not gonna be so mellow and shy anymore. I need to live it up now, I am 19 afterall! haha
> 
> But yeah, it's not the end of the world, there's other girls. I'm getting out there!


*HELL YES!* That's the spirit mate.

When you get attention from the chicks, your confidence will go up, then you'll get more attention from chicks, then that'll boost your confidence further, then you'll get more attention, and so on and so on. _*Zapp Brannigan voice*_ It's a vicious and sexy cycle...







You're 19, chicks think you're cute, you're feeling confident, the world is your oyster and now it's up to you to fuck the shit out of that oyster.


----------



## scottro202

Alright, let's see how well I can do the quote=every-post-to-you-and-reply-thing.




renzoip said:


> I don't see anything weird in that. I had my first gf at 16, she was 14. We dated for 3 months. It was all good.



Cheers man. She'd actually be my first girlfriend, which kinda sucks seeing as how much I've posted in this thread 



vampiregenocide said:


> Presuming the age of consent is 16 out there too, its okay but be very careful and take it slow. If her parents found out, they might not approve.



Yeah, AOC is 16 here, too. But, if I only liked her for sex, I could find many sluts closer to my own age. Also her mom is said to be really cool, so I think I'd be good.



Varcolac said:


> Creepy in my opinion. That all changes once you hit college/turn 18 though. Or at least, it could change. Met my girlfriend on an MA course, and it turns out we'd both have been in the same school year, as we both took two years out between school, undergrad and postgrad. So, like it or not, my experience is mainly with women of the same academic year as me. Guess I just find it creepy because there's so many pop-cultural things that change between years. If she didn't get my references to being five years old and watching Captain Planet (and the Planeteers, original series, fuck that "New Adventures" noise), I'd feel like an old man.
> 
> But of course, you don't get that reference. So now I feel like an old man. It's not creepy though, but that's because I don't want to get you naked. Does that make sense?
> 
> I mean, not that young women wouldn't want to get you naked. Just, you're not my type. Like, you're a dude. And way too young to get my Captain Planet references.
> 
> Okay, I'll shut up now.



Yeah, I get what you mean man. I mean, if she doesn't understand Power Rangers or Pokemon, what kind of girlfriend material is THIS??? 



Konfyouzd said:


> No.
> 
> I typically have a problem w/ guys who go after young girls as most of them seem to be immature guys incapable of getting with girls their own age, but you seem like a cool dude.



Cheers man!  Yeah, like I said before, there are other girls I could get with, it just so happens the most awesome out of those is 2 years younger than me 



JohnIce said:


> Not to mention girls, especially young ones, are generally attracted to older guys... so I don't see anything wrong with dating a younger girl, but well, at least keep it legal.



Ss.org's love guru has spoken!!  Which makes me feel better about the decision I will make to ask her to homecoming 

And don't worry guys, I'll keep it legal


----------



## JohnIce

eventhetrees said:


> Very wise words...


 
Hells yeah, mate!  You're so right in everything you wrote, keep going in that direction for the rest of your life now!


----------



## leandroab

Bungle said:


> You're 19...



Check.



Bungle said:


> ...chicks think you're cute...



Not check.



Bungle said:


> ...you're feeling confident...



Not check.



Bungle said:


> ...the world is your oyster and now it's up to you to fuck the shit out of that oyster.



Wh- what the fuck?


----------



## eventhetrees

@Bungle and JohnIce

Fuck yeah 

Oyster metaphor is hilarious and makes sense. 

I am having some fun, the advice so far has really helped out too!

Good times, confidence truly is key. I have more good stories, but I will tell them later!


----------



## Konfyouzd

JohnIce said:


> Not to mention girls, especially young ones, are generally attracted to older guys... so I don't see anything wrong with dating a younger girl, but well, at least keep it legal.


 
Indeed. 

I usually don't see a whole lot that impresses me in the younger chicks crowd, but it seems a lot of other ppl have more luck. Perhaps I'm just a picky fuck... 



MFB said:


> That's the thing, this is the first lady-friend I've actually wanted a relation with since the last girl I chased for 3 years. It's been three years since that (2007) and I've finally found someone who's worth hanging with and when we started hanging out more - of course she gets strep and there's nothing I can do to help


 
This will pass. 

She'll be feeling better soon enough and happiness can once again ensue 



renzoip said:


> Mine existed for 2 weeks. That relationship ended up being a complete joke so we called it quits. At least I got lots of action out of it!


 


More than can be said for me.


----------



## MFB

Couldn't have worse timing with shit like this, but me and lady-friend talked everything out between 1:15AM and 2, and everything is out in the open which feels good. Now it's just a matter of seeing where things go from here.

I told her she sold me once she said we could make macaroni and watch Boy Meets World


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Guys, I have opportunities with many girls right now, but I just dont like anyone  I don't like anyone I know (Like as in, dating and stuff). I dated a girl for 2 years, and I haven't liked anyone since her. Shes been dating my best friend though. She obviously isn't as happy with him, but I'm not about to date her or want to, shes a total bitch. Is it normal that I just don't like anyone?


----------



## JeffFromMtl

^ yeah dude, I wouldn't worry about that. If you force yourself to be interested, you'll regret it and probably end up getting a girl hurt in the process. Just wait til someone who genuinely interests you comes along and when she does, go for it. Until then, you could get it on with sluts and spend all the time you want with internet porn


----------



## Bungle

JeffFromMtl said:


> ^ yeah dude, I wouldn't worry about that. If you force yourself to be interested, you'll regret it and probably end up getting a girl hurt in the process. Just wait til someone who genuinely interests you comes along and when she does, go for it. Until then, you could get it on with sluts and spend all the time you want with internet porn


QFT.


----------



## Mason Vickers

From a few pages back, I'm no longer with the cute stoner I hardly had feelings for anymore. 

BUT.

This girl I met in July (started at my school this year, my school starts early.) is everything I could ever imagine wanting in a girl. Incredibly cute, plays guitar and is in Jazz with me, wonderful personality, decent music taste (nothing horrible. if things go well I'm sure she'll be  in no time  ), and best of all; is moving about a minute walk from me.

Mind you I'm in high school and have only had one relationship in the past, her cheating on my after ten months, if this adds/helps with any advice that could be given.

I've had this (as lame as it sounds,) crush on her since litterally the week I met her. The first month of school, she had a boyfriend from a different school, so I didn't bother. I found out recently she's single, and had a buddy of mine be a wingman. 

Turns out, she likes me, but is pretty shy about it. When she told me (I admitted first, after a buddy confirming it for me) she was upfront and fine about it, but she seems just like another friend whenever we text and whatnot. In person, she's not really clingy, but I can see her interest.

I know that if things worked it'd be long term for sure, and homecoming's next weekend; game and dance. Game friday, but I'm playing with marching band. Dance next day; on a damn BOAT. She wanted me to sing to her today, and I just couldn't bring myself to. (part of the plan.  ) I texted her awhile ago saying I'd make it up to her by making her a mix that she had been asking for anyway. Last track I'm gonna write/record myself and ask her at the end of it. SUPER cheesy idea, but it's high school, and I'm not made of stone. 

You think this'll work guys? Or any tips to help advance things? I just don't want her to get away, I seriously couldn't pinpoint a thing I don't like about her or anything more I could want in someone.


----------



## metal_sam14

Mason Vickers said:


> From a few pages back, I'm no longer with the cute stoner I hardly had feelings for anymore.
> 
> BUT.
> 
> This girl I met in July (started at my school this year, my school starts early.) is everything I could ever imagine wanting in a girl. Incredibly cute, plays guitar and is in Jazz with me, wonderful personality, decent music taste (nothing horrible. if things go well I'm sure she'll be  in no time  ), and best of all; is moving about a minute walk from me.
> 
> Mind you I'm in high school and have only had one relationship in the past, her cheating on my after ten months, if this adds/helps with any advice that could be given.
> 
> I've had this (as lame as it sounds,) crush on her since litterally the week I met her. The first month of school, she had a boyfriend from a different school, so I didn't bother. I found out recently she's single, and had a buddy of mine be a wingman.
> 
> Turns out, she likes me, but is pretty shy about it. When she told me (I admitted first, after a buddy confirming it for me) she was upfront and fine about it, but she seems just like another friend whenever we text and whatnot. In person, she's not really clingy, but I can see her interest.
> 
> I know that if things worked it'd be long term for sure, and homecoming's next weekend; game and dance. Game friday, but I'm playing with marching band. Dance next day; on a damn BOAT. She wanted me to sing to her today, and I just couldn't bring myself to. (part of the plan.  ) I texted her awhile ago saying I'd make it up to her by making her a mix that she had been asking for anyway. Last track I'm gonna write/record myself and ask her at the end of it. SUPER cheesy idea, but it's high school, and I'm not made of stone.
> 
> You think this'll work guys? Or any tips to help advance things? I just don't want her to get away, I seriously couldn't pinpoint a thing I don't like about her or anything more I could want in someone.



She likes you, you like her. 
DO IT MAN! 

she sounds like a real catch, best of luck to you


----------



## Mason Vickers

metal_sam14 said:


> She likes you, you like her.
> DO IT MAN!
> 
> she sounds like a real catch, best of luck to you



I'm hoping everything works!
I mean, her Custom 24 blows everything I have out of the water.
It was meant to be.


----------



## metal_sam14

Mason Vickers said:


> I'm hoping everything works!
> I mean, her Custom 24 blows everything I have out of the water.
> It was meant to be.



Fuck! even if she was fat, ugly, smelled funny and scratched her vagina a lot, I would still date her just to get near that guitar!


----------



## PyramidSmasher

JeffFromMtl said:


> ^ yeah dude, I wouldn't worry about that. If you force yourself to be interested, you'll regret it and probably end up getting a girl hurt in the process. Just wait til someone who genuinely interests you comes along and when she does, go for it. Until then, you could get it on with sluts and spend all the time you want with internet porn



Yo the porn has been wonderful, but Im afraid to get with hoes to slander my good image for when the right girl comes. Still worth it?


----------



## Bungle

Well, they don't have to be sluts, but if you were able to perchance acquire a friend with benefits (or two....) that'd be fine methinks.

Having said that though, one of my good mates has smashed a _lot_ of vaginas and he found a girl earlier this year that he really liked and they were going out for a while and she basically said "I don't care how many girls you've slept before with because I know that you're with me and only me now and that's what matters".


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Bungle said:


> Having said that though, one of my good mates has smashed a _lot_ of vaginas and he found a girl earlier this year that he really liked and they were going out for a while and she basically said "I don't care how many girls you've slept before with because I know that you're with me and only me now and that's what matters".



That's beautiful. Nearly brought a tear to my eye. Props to him _and_ her for being badasses. In a perfect world, all women would be that understanding


----------



## Herb Dorklift

This is how I feel right now. Right now.





But I'd do anything... ANYTHING..... quit music... sell my gear.. cut my hair... to have her back.










:'(


----------



## MSalonen

Been there dude. It sucks more than you can really accurately express in words. Yesterday, I and the person I feel that way about had what is honestly (not just out of anger in the heat of the moment) going to end up being the last meaningful and genuine conversation of our lives outside of pleasantries (if even that).

My advice is to remember to look out for yourself and your own happiness. You can certainly care too much about others, but it's also destructive to not care at all. The best, if hardest, thing you can ultimately do is find the delicate balance between the two extremes.


----------



## leandroab

Where is your epic stache + soulpatch?

 

:'(


----------



## MFB

Kisses.

Lots and lots of kisses.


----------



## Herb Dorklift

leandroab said:


> Where is your epic stache + soulpatch?
> 
> 
> 
> :'(


 
That pic was taken nearly 4 years ago, at the start of our relationship. We were together for about 3.5 years.


----------



## caughtinamosh

I'm going to throw this situation open to the floor. I call it a situation rather than a problem because, as of yet, there have been no issues in the true sense of the word. I merely want to know what you guys think of what I'm going through, and any thoughts, feelings or tips that you might have in order to sustain and improve my current relationship.

Now, some of you might remember the huge stress I went through earlier in the year, involving a hell of a bitch who cheated on me (arguably multiple times). Well, she is gone. I met a girl a month or so afterwards (which might, incidentally, explain my absense from the forums of late), and she's terrific. She really is terrific. We share common interests, we gel in a way that I've never experienced, we can talk about anything that's bothering us, she's an absolute demon in the sack... The only hitch is that, while I'm studying at Edinburgh University, she's studying in Glasgow. She's fifty miles away. 

Prior to the madness of freshers' week, we talked about how we felt about this change. As far as I was concerned, there was never any doubt as to whether we should carry on. Thankfully, she felt the same way. Although we're only three weeks into university life, we've seen each other, on average, around twice every week and a half. The transport system between the two cities is both convenient and cheap. Buses leave for the other city every fifteen minutes. There have been no problems thus far - we've simply made sure that we've set aside time for each other amidst the whirlwind of studies and university life.

Do you guys have any tips to make sure that things continue in this way? The geographical distance isn't large by any means, but it's sufficiently big to make our lives very separate entities. Any thoughts, feelings or tips would be much appreciated.


----------



## josh pelican

Bungle said:


> Having said that though, one of my good mates has smashed a _lot_ of vaginas and he found a girl earlier this year that he really liked and they were going out for a while and she basically said "I don't care how many girls you've slept before with because I know that you're with me and only me now and that's what matters".


 
Man, I feel like you're referring to my girlfriend and I. She hasn't said those exact words, but she knows I've pumped out a good amount of semen on other broads in my day. She also knows I would never leave her in a million years. Easily the best girl I've ever been with. I would be fucking devastated if I lost her.

In all honesty, I didn't really cry over my last serious girlfriend. We were together for almost two years and the day we broke up, I cried a bit. I have big enough balls to admit it. I didn't cry for hours or anything, but it was hard on me.

With my current girlfriend, who I've been with since April, I had tears in my eyes when she left the country for three weeks. The fuck is wrong with me?! I am absolutely nuts for this girl.

Another good thing about her is that she was a virgin... until I got ahold of her. 

EDIT: That's a really queer emoticon.


----------



## MSalonen

caughtinamosh said:


> I'm going to throw this situation open to the floor. I call it a situation rather than a problem because, as of yet, there have been no issues in the true sense of the word. I merely want to know what you guys think of what I'm going through, and any thoughts, feelings or tips that you might have in order to sustain and improve my current relationship.
> 
> Now, some of you might remember the huge stress I went through earlier in the year, involving a hell of a bitch who cheated on me (arguably multiple times). Well, she is gone. I met a girl a month or so afterwards (which might, incidentally, explain my absense from the forums of late), and she's terrific. She really is terrific. We share common interests, we gel in a way that I've never experienced, we can talk about anything that's bothering us, she's an absolute demon in the sack... The only hitch is that, while I'm studying at Edinburgh University, she's studying in Glasgow. She's fifty miles away.
> 
> Prior to the madness of freshers' week, we talked about how we felt about this change. As far as I was concerned, there was never any doubt as to whether we should carry on. Thankfully, she felt the same way. Although we're only three weeks into university life, we've seen each other, on average, around twice every week and a half. The transport system between the two cities is both convenient and cheap. Buses leave for the other city every fifteen minutes. There have been no problems thus far - we've simply made sure that we've set aside time for each other amidst the whirlwind of studies and university life.
> 
> Do you guys have any tips to make sure that things continue in this way? The geographical distance isn't large by any means, but it's sufficiently big to make our lives very separate entities. Any thoughts, feelings or tips would be much appreciated.



I think the best thing you can do it give it your best shot, but if it comes down to one (or both) of you feeling like one person would have to significantly change their life (such as moving closer) to keep it working, don't. That will only mean you're delaying an inevitable end and ultimately making that end worse. As long as you both are happy, aside from missing each other when apart, then there's no reason to end it. But that doesn't mean it will be easy. 

The problem comes when at least one person just isn't happy anymore, whether out of frustration over the distance/being apart, or some other reason. I've been there, and it's hard. Especially when you're young, and haven't been together all that long beforehand. If it does come down to that, which I hope it doesn't, then just remember that it's no one's fault and there's no point being in a relationship that just isn't working anymore.

With all of that said, I wish you the best of luck.


----------



## caughtinamosh

MSalonen said:


> I think the best thing you can do it give it your best shot, but if it comes down to one (or both) of you feeling like one person would have to significantly change their life (such as moving closer) to keep it working, don't. That will only mean you're delaying an inevitable end and ultimately making that end worse. As long as you both are happy, aside from missing each other when apart, then there's no reason to end it. But that doesn't mean it will be easy.
> 
> The problem comes when at least one person just isn't happy anymore, whether out of frustration over the distance/being apart, or some other reason. I've been there, and it's hard. Especially when you're young, and haven't been together all that long beforehand. If it does come down to that, which I hope it doesn't, then just remember that it's no one's fault and there's no point being in a relationship that just isn't working anymore.
> 
> With all of that said, I wish you the best of luck.


 
Thanks for your reply, man. 

At present, everything is well. There are people who commute from Glasgow to Edinburgh and vice versa, so it really isn't a mammoth distance. The time between the two cities, by train, is forty minutes. In all seriousness, the only way that there should be a problem is if we make it a problem. University requires a lot of work - that goes without saying, but I think that everything should be fine as long as we set aside the time. I'm viewing this situation as a challenge; if we can withstand this, it's a sign that the relationship is healthy. If the situation were to create trouble, it's a sign that problems would arise in other areas, regardless of geographical distance.

Any other thoughts would be appreciated.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Not going into detail, but I think I just made a very big mistake.


----------



## MSalonen

caughtinamosh said:


> Thanks for your reply, man.
> 
> At present, everything is well. There are people who commute from Glasgow to Edinburgh and vice versa, so it really isn't a mammoth distance. The time between the two cities, by train, is forty minutes. In all seriousness, the only way that there should be a problem is if we make it a problem. University requires a lot of work - that goes without saying, but I think that everything should be fine as long as we set aside the time. I'm viewing this situation as a challenge; if we can withstand this, it's a sign that the relationship is healthy. If the situation were to create trouble, it's a sign that problems would arise in other areas, regardless of geographical distance.
> 
> Any other thoughts would be appreciated.



No worries, and I think that's a good outlook to try and keep. It's also good to remember that university is a very formative time for everyone in figuring out who we are and who we want to be, consciously or not. And sometimes that can make relationships difficult, sometimes in ways we can't even articulate or immediately realize. But it's just another part of life. In my experiences its better to just learn to ride that flow rather than overthink things and end up fighting for things that you don't have control over.

Not saying that it isn't worth rising to the challenge that things like serious relationships can bring, but at times there is only so much we CAN do. In the end, your own happiness is what counts the most (which may sound selfish, but its not). There's no sense being unhappy for someone else out of the impression that its for a greater good, regardless of how much you may care about them or what they think and feel themselves.

My own situation right now is that I've realized I've spread myself thin between several people trying to figure out which direction is the best to take, and worrying too much about the consequences of what I've done and each thing I could do. Which only in turn reminds me of the advice I've given you. To a great degree, you just have to let go.

It's a sobering, and at times brutal, experience to have all contact cut off from the person you care the world for - not once, but with two such people. And to learn within yourself that it was from overthinking, overanalyzing, and just caring too much about external forces and factors. Really, the things worth happening don't come through sheer force. Just act naturally, and seize opportunities as they present themselves. Which isn't to say you should be passive, but there is definitely such a thing as overexerting yourself.

Anyway, the only problem I'm facing at the moment is that there's a girl in one of my classes that I just started, and we seem to have a lot in common, aside from my being physically attracted to her. But after everything that's happened lately, I almost don't want to even pursue her. My mind has been burnt out on the sexual flings as of late, but I almost don't believe in trying to create relationships anymore. Which is reinforced by every good relationship I've had being started by not trying. 

On the other hand, I'd hate to let this attitude let the chance slip through my fingers.



vampiregenocide said:


> Not going into detail, but I think I just made a very big mistake.



Sorry to hear that man. 

PM me if you ever want any sort of input or help, or even just to vent.


----------



## fateofthorns666

ok so i saw this i knew from high skool 2 weeks ago and i just started making more conversation with her. judging by what me n her talked about i already like her, however i dont want to cross any boundaries cuz i dont wanna fuck it up. on occasion she'll message me when i dont realize or when she has her study breaks, unfortunatly i dont kno how to take it. ive been out of the dating game for a while cuz...well musicians wut can i tell u. anyone have any advice? honestly i came here to let t out cuz my friends tell me the same bullshit and i just need to hear other advice from another source.


----------



## fateofthorns666

admin move to off topic please.


----------



## Fzau

vampiregenocide said:


> Not going into detail, but I think I just made a very big mistake.


 
Huh?


----------



## josh pelican

vampiregenocide said:


> Not going into detail, but I think I just made a very big mistake.


 
Wanna cuddle and watch some horror flicks?


----------



## vampiregenocide

MSalonen said:


> Sorry to hear that man.
> 
> PM me if you ever want any sort of input or help, or even just to vent.


 
Thanks man, I think it might be okay I dunno, just stressed out. Hopefully I'll get to speak to her later and find out where we stand.



Fzau said:


> Huh?


 
In a nutshell, I took things to fast and fucked up.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Well that went well ha ha...


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Yo...

So I dated this girl for a year and half. Basically, it was rough starting because she had already been talking to this dude alot who was in my social circle at the time. He didn't really appreciate her, but thought she was hot, and everyone was pressuring her into it. Eventually with the stress of being forced into pretending to like him, and actually liking me, she dated some other guy instead. That lasted about 16 hours before she started cheating on him. With me. Starting on my birthday.

The fact that she'd even done that though was painful to me. I had always been cool to her, and then she decides to date some guy shes known for a single day? Whatever. Anyway, as time goes on, she becomes super possessive. If Im on the phone with my mom, Im ignoring her. Talking to a male friend for a moment, shed get jealous. She was getting mental about it. And because of it, she was always mad at me.

I stopped hanging out with her as much when she started being mad 24/7. So she starts talking to my friends, and her ex (The one who we cheated on). And I saw on facebook she told him I was a bitch. I got upset about that, and she was like "sorry sorry, it wont happen again." It did. So I began hanging out with her even LESS. Especially because she was never happy.

One night, we finally break up, because she keeps talking to all these "creeps" on webcam but can never talk to me, and is shit talking to all my friends about me. She wanted me back for like 2 days, I didnt want her back. Finally I try to be friends again, shes a total bitch. Shes rebounding like CRAZY. ESPECIALLY with people who are my "friends" (To this day I cant really trust any friends to not get with her), and she starts going to everything I go to. She starts getting with all these guys she used to call creeps too, but still tells me Im the most attractive guy she knows.

She comes on my church trip and is a total bitch to me and turns everyone on me and totally ruins any kind of fun experience I was going to have helping out this impoverished ghetto in Chicago. While there she starts hanging with this guy whos 4 years older, a drop out, a white trash crappy rapper, and a general drug addict. She tries to make me jealous with him (FAIL), and ends up dating my long time friend (Who we always knew was a douche, but never thought he was a backstabber.) who she met on the trip. Hes the kind of guy who knows 3 guitar chords and acts like hes some prodigy. He's also the biiiigggest psuedo intellectual ever. He smokes weed and looks at art, then talks about it to everyone like hes hot shit, and he also gets into music theory debates where hes blatantly wrong. (I.E. The Aeolian Mode is not a natural minor scale, because modes cant be minor.)

Keep in mind she told me she didn't like Brendan and would never date one of my friends. I also find it funny that to this day she doesnt have a single friend she didn't meet through me. You can tell that to a certain degree she's still trying to prove something to me. Pathetic really.

So she tries to reconcile. Ask me if Im cool with her dating Brendo, says that shes sorry she was a bitch on the church trip, and just didnt want to fall "in love" with me again, and that she was being presumptuous based off of lies my friends were telling her. I told her I forgive her, but dont respect her. She said she forgives me too. Then I listed off every shitty thing she did and told her shes in no position to be "forgiving" me, because I didn't do anything malicious or blatantly wrong. (My friends on a church trip. Says alot about friends and church goers)

So shes out of my life now, but in a very forced way. I dont think about her, other than that she sold alot of stuff I wish I had back. But the fact is, I havent liked anyone since, had as much fun with any other girl or felt anything for them, and I just don't feel as... human I guess. I don't feel the emotions I used to feel or have the fulfillment I used to have. It's been 4 months, and it's not even her I care about. I wouldn't date her again, shes a bitch and not even attractive, but I still haven't been as good off since, and her life has been 100000 times better. Anyone know what to say? :/

Edit: The friend of mine shes dating was originally telling me how to get her back, and talking to her "for me". Ends up he was doing the opposite.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Her life probably isn't 100000 times better, it just feels that way because that's the way it is after a break-up. And considering she's a big dirty bitch, she wants you to think that she's way better-off without you to rub it in. And 4 months really isn't a long time, man. Give yourself a second, think about yourself, concentrate on being happier on your own, being who and what you want to be, and just generally being the best person you can. Don't even think about her, because it seems that she's just bringing you down. Really, just enjoy the single life, and be confident. You'll eventually realize how stupid the situation is and might even end up kicking yourself for letting it get to you so much. And when you're confident, happy with yourself and the world isn't so heavy on your shoulders, finding a better girl isn't going to be a problem. Maybe you don't feel like you're better off right now, but you will be.

My last relationship sort of had the same effect on me, so I know where you're coming from. It's not that either of us did anything rotten to one another, just that after I dumped her, I felt like I shouldn't have. I didn't feel like I was better off, even though I didn't really want to get back together with her. I guess I just didn't want to be alone, and that made it feel more difficult. I just kept myself busy, undertook a few new projects, met some new people, and started putting more effort into school and bettering myself as a person. Sure, I wanted to get out and hit on women, especially considering the way my relationship had gone toward the end, but any time things started going in a physical direction or getting any serious with a new girl, I would actually start feeling sick to my stomach, which was something that had never happened to me post-break-up before. I took my time and stopped actively pursuing female company. By the time I had come to terms with my situation, I've ended up seeing a really great girl with whom things are going great, and just generally being much happier otherwise. So to sum things up, I'd just say, take it easy, and don't worry about your ex cuz she sucks


----------



## MFB

I'm getting better at this whole "unofficial boyfriend" thing. Realized last night I was getting on her nerves when I saw the "Whatever" card get drawn and kind of back-tracked in the conversation, then I also realized I was still a little short-tempered from work and was mis-interpreting things in the wrong tone so I asked her to change subjects since the last thing I wanted to do was get into a fight over literally nothing.


----------



## Bevo

I got married at 30 to a girl that was just outside my circle since I was in my teens.
I moved to Vancouver and the girl I was with (call her bitch) said she had a friend that also moved out and wanted to stay with us.
I hear a knock and open the door and gues who, I was stunned.

At this time me and the Bitch were not doing well, she was bitching about moving home constantly and just stupid. One day I had enough and bought her a plane ticket, now thats the meaning of Jet!

So me and my new roomate are getting on amazing and before we knew it we got married.
Almost 10 years later my dad is real sick and my son from a previous encounter is in Toronto. We decide to move back and her mom who is in Vancouver is also moving back. i came first got sorted out then she was to follow, it never happend, mom issues for her, her mom also got sick.
4 years of trying to get back togther failed and we had to call it.

So now I am with my new girl and although she is great its just not the same, i still miss my wife like crazy even though we are not married.
Last night i was playing Wonderfull tonight by Clapton and got a bit teared up thinking of her.

The worst part is my son is a 17 year old prick and we don't talk, my dad thank whoever is still ok which were my reasons for moving.

Sucks to give up your wife for something that ends up being all for nothing.

Thanks for letting me vent!


----------



## metal_sam14

My amazing girlfriend left me today. she seemed distant for a little while, with a few family troubles. but then out of the blue: she wants to be friends. fuck this shit

EDIT: its an interesting feeling having absolutely nothing to look forward too. You all remember the thread about my band mates stealing my car? so no band and no friends, now no girlfriend. fuck


----------



## vampiregenocide

I missing my ex as of 2 days ago. Things were going so well. :/


----------



## metal_sam14

vampiregenocide said:


> I missing my ex as of 2 days ago. Things were going so well. :/



you and me both buddy


----------



## Mason Vickers

Mason Vickers said:


> From a few pages back, I'm no longer with the cute stoner I hardly had feelings for anymore.
> 
> BUT.
> 
> This girl I met in July (started at my school this year, my school starts early.) is everything I could ever imagine wanting in a girl. Incredibly cute, plays guitar and is in Jazz with me, wonderful personality, decent music taste (nothing horrible. if things go well I'm sure she'll be  in no time  ), and best of all; is moving about a minute walk from me.
> 
> Mind you I'm in high school and have only had one relationship in the past, her cheating on my after ten months, if this adds/helps with any advice that could be given.
> 
> I've had this (as lame as it sounds,) crush on her since litterally the week I met her. The first month of school, she had a boyfriend from a different school, so I didn't bother. I found out recently she's single, and had a buddy of mine be a wingman.
> 
> Turns out, she likes me, but is pretty shy about it. When she told me (I admitted first, after a buddy confirming it for me) she was upfront and fine about it, but she seems just like another friend whenever we text and whatnot. In person, she's not really clingy, but I can see her interest.
> 
> I know that if things worked it'd be long term for sure, and homecoming's next weekend; game and dance. Game friday, but I'm playing with marching band. Dance next day; on a damn BOAT. She wanted me to sing to her today, and I just couldn't bring myself to. (part of the plan.  ) I texted her awhile ago saying I'd make it up to her by making her a mix that she had been asking for anyway. Last track I'm gonna write/record myself and ask her at the end of it. SUPER cheesy idea, but it's high school, and I'm not made of stone.
> 
> You think this'll work guys? Or any tips to help advance things? I just don't want her to get away, I seriously couldn't pinpoint a thing I don't like about her or anything more I could want in someone.



Slightly more advice is needed...
I followed through with the Mix CD/recording thing. She adored it, but ends up she's going to be out of town that weekend and can't go with me. She said we can hang out the next week instead. 

I'm starting to care about her more and more, and it seems like when she's lost all attraction to me and I feel like giving up she brings me right back, and is playing the game to full potential, most definitely has me by the strings.

I'm winning points with her family, helping them move in by me in two weeks. 

What I'm asking is, what do you guys think should be done to keep this going?
Sounds like a lame question that I should easily figure out myself, but one can't think of everything, and I don't want to follow my past of messing things up.

Thanks, broski's. 




On the other hand, we're going to a party of my friends this Saturday (not together, I have something else right before, long story.) and I'm playing guitar in a little three person indie combo at it. It's a bonfire. 
Will report, should be an interesting weekend.


----------



## MFB

Tried helping lady-friend feel better with all the shit that's been going on but unfortunately scheduling conflicts prevented me from dropping off my, "CHEER THE FUCK UP" basket which consisted of cookies, a coloring book (she was looking for one not too long ago) and some CD's like capsule and Phoenix.

Luckily we'll see each other tomorrow if only for a little bit, and then figure out some time to hang out hopefully.

She also got to meet my friends and they both told me yesterday they thought she was cool and fun to hang with.


----------



## HamBungler

Well, good news here  went and got drinks with that girl from work last night and hit it off alright, and got a few other chances to hang out with her some more so I'm looking forward to that. Plus, she's totally down to come see my band play, which was a generous confidence boost for sure.

Also, coming from a resident shy guy here; if you like a chick, just go after her. Don't give a shit what happens, just go for it. It may not work all the time, but you might just get lucky and get to have drinks with a smokin' hot chick and her smokin' hot friends like I did


----------



## Justin Bailey

I didn't think solid state love and relashipshiotns were legal yet.

but what do I know, I'm kinda drunk right now


----------



## MFB

Aaaand DJustin makes his way from MG to SS


----------



## metal_sam14

Starting to get over the loss now, time to move on and get back on with things


----------



## stevo1

who's ever asked out a girl, and it turns out shes not into to relationships? succckkkss


----------



## vampiregenocide

stevo1 said:


> who's ever asked out a girl, and it turns out shes not into to relationships? succckkkss


 
Oh yea  That age old one. 'I'm not ready for a relationship yet' is a nice way 'not with you' I find. Don't get caught up with them, best to just take it and move on. It's a harsh reality.


----------



## stevo1

vampiregenocide said:


> Oh yea  That age old one. 'I'm not ready for a relationship yet' is a nice way 'not with you' I find. Don't get caught up with them, best to just take it and move on. It's a harsh reality.



its not that exactely, turns out shes not interested in men..... or anyone....


----------



## anthonyferguson

Another 'theres this girl' post....
Basically met this girl last year at school (im 18, just left. Shes year below me). We didn't really talk much until a music thing we both did with school, where we didn't have any good friends around, so ended up talking. We've since been pretty good friends and she confides in me with all sorts of stuff, telling me about exs, various problems she's had with health and family etc.

Now comes the shit bit. I'm massively attracted to her, and I feel like I can't tell her because it'll make things fucking weird. We don't have that many mutual friends, so nothing's really communicated through them. Her friends from outside school are bad news, I think she realises but I want to tell her I worry like fuck. For instance tonight she texted me, obviously pretty trousered, saying she'd got a taxi to some fucking random place, and couldn't get home. I tried ringing and texted her, and fortunately she texted back half an hour later saying she was at a mate's and would be going home later. She seems to get herself into trouble a lot and is a bit reckless. But this doesn't put me off.
I admire how she's done so well in exams and such even after a long bout of illness that's been really holding her back, as well as the fact that her family seem like c**ts, and is never around. Her singing is nothing short of beautiful, and she is smoking too. I'm getting really really tired of being a massive woman when it comes to women. The friend zone is quite truly the shittiest place to reside. Ever. Especially when I've known and had an epic crush on her for well over 5 months now. I'm currently playing to my luthiery strengths and converting her old acoustic into a 12 string (yep lads shes a guitarist) and she's pretty buzzing over it. I keep telling her I don't want anything in return money wise, but I have the feeling she's going to buy me some kind of alcohol... She also invited me to her best friends party, and we've had a few moments of being on our own and her telling her friends she'll catch up etcetc...... you know, the usual little shit that makes you feel wanted for a brief moment.

tl;dr I'm head over and completely friendzoned, as per.

FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU


----------



## metal_sam14

tonywozere said:


> Another 'theres this girl' post....
> Basically met this girl last year at school (im 18, just left. Shes year below me). We didn't really talk much until a music thing we both did with school, where we didn't have any good friends around, so ended up talking. We've since been pretty good friends and she confides in me with all sorts of stuff, telling me about exs, various problems she's had with health and family etc.
> 
> Now comes the shit bit. I'm massively attracted to her, and I feel like I can't tell her because it'll make things fucking weird. We don't have that many mutual friends, so nothing's really communicated through them. Her friends from outside school are bad news, I think she realises but I want to tell her I worry like fuck. For instance tonight she texted me, obviously pretty trousered, saying she'd got a taxi to some fucking random place, and couldn't get home. I tried ringing and texted her, and fortunately she texted back half an hour later saying she was at a mate's and would be going home later. She seems to get herself into trouble a lot and is a bit reckless. But this doesn't put me off.
> I admire how she's done so well in exams and such even after a long bout of illness that's been really holding her back, as well as the fact that her family seem like c**ts, and is never around. Her singing is nothing short of beautiful, and she is smoking too. I'm getting really really tired of being a massive woman when it comes to women. The friend zone is quite truly the shittiest place to reside. Ever. Especially when I've known and had an epic crush on her for well over 5 months now. I'm currently playing to my luthiery strengths and converting her old acoustic into a 12 string (yep lads shes a guitarist) and she's pretty buzzing over it. I keep telling her I don't want anything in return money wise, but I have the feeling she's going to buy me some kind of alcohol... She also invited me to her best friends party, and we've had a few moments of being on our own and her telling her friends she'll catch up etcetc...... you know, the usual little shit that makes you feel wanted for a brief moment.
> 
> tl;dr I'm head over and completely friendzoned, as per.
> 
> FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU


as much as you like her, it sounds like she has A LOT of baggage, and if you started dating you pretty much take all that baggage on as well. But if you think you can manage it then go for it! she sounds cool 

EDIT: just listen to the guy below me


----------



## MSalonen

tonywozere said:


> Another 'theres this girl' post....
> Basically met this girl last year at school (im 18, just left. Shes year below me). We didn't really talk much until a music thing we both did with school, where we didn't have any good friends around, so ended up talking. We've since been pretty good friends and she confides in me with all sorts of stuff, telling me about exs, various problems she's had with health and family etc.
> 
> Now comes the shit bit. I'm massively attracted to her, and I feel like I can't tell her because it'll make things fucking weird. We don't have that many mutual friends, so nothing's really communicated through them. Her friends from outside school are bad news, I think she realises but I want to tell her I worry like fuck. For instance tonight she texted me, obviously pretty trousered, saying she'd got a taxi to some fucking random place, and couldn't get home. I tried ringing and texted her, and fortunately she texted back half an hour later saying she was at a mate's and would be going home later. She seems to get herself into trouble a lot and is a bit reckless. But this doesn't put me off.
> I admire how she's done so well in exams and such even after a long bout of illness that's been really holding her back, as well as the fact that her family seem like c**ts, and is never around. Her singing is nothing short of beautiful, and she is smoking too. I'm getting really really tired of being a massive woman when it comes to women. The friend zone is quite truly the shittiest place to reside. Ever. Especially when I've known and had an epic crush on her for well over 5 months now. I'm currently playing to my luthiery strengths and converting her old acoustic into a 12 string (yep lads shes a guitarist) and she's pretty buzzing over it. I keep telling her I don't want anything in return money wise, but I have the feeling she's going to buy me some kind of alcohol... She also invited me to her best friends party, and we've had a few moments of being on our own and her telling her friends she'll catch up etcetc...... you know, the usual little shit that makes you feel wanted for a brief moment.
> 
> tl;dr I'm head over and completely friendzoned, as per.
> 
> FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU



Well, it comes down to whether you value her friendship over a potential relationship. If you do, you'll just have to try and let it go. If being with her in a romantic context is what you really want more than anything else, which is what it sounds like, man up and make a move. 

This is obviously easier said than done, but the outcomes are pretty straightforward. She'll either go with it or reject you. In either case you'll have your answer. And that's a pattern of process which everyone goes through many, many times throughout their life. 

Whether you decide to try and mentally drop it, or if you make that move and it fails, just remember that our emotions can really skew what we know to be truth. In this case, that truth is knowing there are countless amazing girls out there to hang out and/or have relationships with. Not saying she isn't a super cool chick, but being really into a particular person can blind you to things like that. They can also make it easy to ignore flaws that, even if you did get into a relationship with her (or anyone), have the potential to become serious issues later on. 

It's best to not try and overvalue something that hasn't even happened. You seem geared for dating this girl, which means your mentally moving too far ahead of yourself. Again, you're not alone on this, we all fall into it at times. But really try and take a step back and look at the bigger picture. It will not only do your mental health some good to have more patience, but it will keep you from seeming overly available or overeager, neither of which do you any good either. As I've mentioned earlier in this thread, that doesn't mean you shouldn't keep an eye out for when to take initiative (like when to make that move), but there's a difference between being patient and overly cautious. 

Try and not over-think things. I know I've done that way too much, and it never does me any good. Go with your gut, and if doing what you want results in you facing a lot of fear over what could happen if you do, fuck that fear. Fuck it right in the face. And by fuck that fear I mean kiss her. By in the face I mean in her face. And by kiss her in the face I mean make it clear where you stand. By kissing her in the face.

If she's not down with that, you will not have lost nearly as much as you'll think you have. If that happens, just put on your bravest face and show no remorse. Women respect that, and if she does have any feelings for you somewhere she'll be confused and might end up changing her mind. Or she doesn't have any feelings anywhere, and you just saved yourself a lot of future grief and anguish and can now truly move on.


----------



## anthonyferguson

MSalonen said:


> Try and not over-think things. I know I've done that way too much, and it never does me any good. Go with your gut, and if doing what you want results in you facing a lot of fear over what could happen if you do, fuck that fear. Fuck it right in the face. And by fuck that fear I mean kiss her. By in the face I mean in her face. And by kiss her in the face I mean make it clear where you stand. By kissing her in the face.



That, sir, just made my day. Thank you! Cheers for the halp, makes me feel a lot better  I think I'll see how things go at this party on friday.


----------



## MFB

Saw lady-friend for the first time on Saturday since last Sunday and well, things did NOT go well at all. We went up to the mall since I was looking for a winter jacket and unfortunately found nothing. By the last hour of the night I barely said a word to her and when I did it was short things like "Okay" or "sure." Ended up drinking alone in my room listening to Swans and then went into work the next morning half an hour late cause I had to shower and was slightly hungover.

I didn't text her for a while yesterday and I was going crazy because it went from being pissed to guilt so I wanted to talk since I really did miss her. I made sure she was OK with how things went down last week and she said yes (thank God) and then I asked where we stood or if there was a "we" at all. She said she didn't know and that we couldn't rush things like this and unfortunately, my biggest fault with relations is rushing.

I told her I'd give her her space so she could figure things out on her own and then I told that if she didn't want to do it and such to be forward with me instead of giving me some BS run around. Luckily she said she's always been honest with ex's and if it's done, she'll be honest but when she's unsure it might seem like a run-around but eventually she'll come to a decision and be honest with it.


----------



## MSalonen

MFB said:


> Saw lady-friend for the first time on Saturday since last Sunday and well, things did NOT go well at all. We went up to the mall since I was looking for a winter jacket and unfortunately found nothing. By the last hour of the night I barely said a word to her and when I did it was short things like "Okay" or "sure." Ended up drinking alone in my room listening to Swans and then went into work the next morning half an hour late cause I had to shower and was slightly hungover.
> 
> I didn't text her for a while yesterday and I was going crazy because it went from being pissed to guilt so I wanted to talk since I really did miss her. I made sure she was OK with how things went down last week and she said yes (thank God) and then I asked where we stood or if there was a "we" at all. She said she didn't know and that we couldn't rush things like this and unfortunately, my biggest fault with relations is rushing.
> 
> I told her I'd give her her space so she could figure things out on her own and then I told that if she didn't want to do it and such to be forward with me instead of giving me some BS run around. Luckily she said she's always been honest with ex's and if it's done, she'll be honest but when she's unsure it might seem like a run-around but eventually she'll come to a decision and be honest with it.



As much as you may want to do it at times, never try and give or get a verbal explanation of emotions or relationship status. At the very least, it can make you seem insecure (which even if you are, you don't want to show it). But it also doesn't really do you any good since that appeals to logic and reason, which the heart (or overall forces of attraction) does not follow.

Even if someone isn't intending to lie or be anything but truthful, what they do is always much more of an honest gauge of how they feel than what is simply said in words.

Don't sit there waiting for some sort of decision, or ask (or wonder) if what you're doing is the right or wrong thing. Just do what you feel is right. Because even if results in you not being together, acting any other way would just make you even more unhappy. Also, people don't make up their minds about emotions for the same reasons I stated above. They are what they are. And the way to find out what that is, is by just living rather than thinking.

I'm not saying you should act too hastily, just take a breather and try and take it easy. Be upfront (actions, not words!) but also be patient. It's hard and it sucks, but it's for the better.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

MFB said:


> Ended up drinking alone in my room listening to Swans



Dude, doing this on even a semi-regular basis can make suicide victims out of even the most happy-go-lucky.

My advice is to stop drinking alone and listening to Swans


----------



## MFB

JeffFromMtl said:


> Dude, doing this on even a semi-regular basis can make suicide victims out of even the most happy-go-lucky.
> 
> My advice is to stop drinking alone and listening to Swans



Not the first time I drank alone, but the first time with Swans (White Light from The Mouth of Infinity no less) and it was so relaxing to do and got the anger and frustration out, but the next day? Man did I regret it. I looked back and was like, "Fuck that was pathetic." Probably also part of the reason I stopped was because I didn't WANT to be drinking over her, I wanted shit to be all...how you say, "kittens and rainbows"



MSalonen said:


> As much as you may want to do it at times, never try and give or get a verbal explanation of emotions or relationship status. At the very least, it can make you seem insecure (which even if you are, you don't want to show it). But it also doesn't really do you any good since that appeals to logic and reason, which the heart (or overall forces of attraction) does not follow.
> 
> Even if someone isn't intending to lie or be anything but truthful, what they do is always much more of an honest gauge of how they feel than what is simply said in words.
> 
> Don't sit there waiting for some sort of decision, or ask (or wonder) if what you're doing is the right or wrong thing. Just do what you feel is right. Because even if results in you not being together, acting any other way would just make you even more unhappy. Also, people don't make up their minds about emotions for the same reasons I stated above. They are what they are. And the way to find out what that is, is by just living rather than thinking.
> 
> I'm not saying you should act too hastily, just take a breather and try and take it easy. Be upfront (actions, not words!) but also be patient. It's hard and it sucks, but it's for the better.



This is my current goal, sitting back, not thinking about it and leaving the chips to fall on their own.


----------



## MSalonen

Good luck, dude. You'll be alright, which I'm sure you know. 

Whether it works out with her or not, you seem like you're a smart dude who really does care. And if she doesn't get to experience that, then (as trite as it sounds) it really is her loss. And there will be plenty of other girls who will.


----------



## MFB

MSalonen said:


> Good luck, dude. You'll be alright, which I'm sure you know.
> 
> Whether it works out with her or not, you seem like you're a smart dude who really does care. And if she doesn't get to experience that, then (as trite as it sounds) it really is her loss. And there will be plenty of other girls who will.



Thanks bro.

I've gone three years without a relation and worst case scenario, it stays that way. Nothing I haven't dealt with. I'd be great to change it and have someone who cares about me and shit, but it's not like I'll die without her.


----------



## Justin Bailey

MFB said:


> Not the first time I drank alone, but the first time with Swans (White Light from The Mouth of Infinity no less) and it was so relaxing to do and got the anger and frustration out, but the next day? Man did I regret it. I looked back and was like, "Fuck that was pathetic." Probably also part of the reason I stopped was because I didn't WANT to be drinking over her, I wanted shit to be all...how you say, "kittens and rainbows"
> 
> 
> 
> *This is my current goal, sitting back, not thinking about it and leaving the chips to fall on their own.*



Basically where I am right now. Although its still on my mind a lot.


----------



## Asrial

A good story (sort of):

I just started at college, and i knew some of my classmates, far from anyone... And my ex girlfriend is in the class, whoop-te-doo kill me.

The we leap to the introduction party, late august:
It's pretty sweet, getting drunk with the friends, trying to score some random chicks with no luck, meeting some classmates and hanging out with them, when suddenly, my ex (lets just call her Sarah for now, which is not her real name derp) appears, and drags me outside. She'd fell into conversation with a bunch of girls from one of the other classes, and they were talking alittle about me, hence why Sarah pulled me out. I greeted them, and got my eyes on this very beautiful girl, that i began to focus on. Let's just call her Ann.
We chat ALOT during the night, hold hands, dance n shit while mildly drunk (we both had 3 or 4 beers), and just being close to eachother. When the party was over, we followed each other out to the local bank, where there is a lovely fountain... And oddly enough, Sarah tagged along.
Anyway, she just said "D'AAAW! Ur su kewt!11!! Kisskisskisskiss (etc.)", so we had a little kiss, shared phone numbers and said goodbye.

The next morning, i typed to Ann during my break at work, and we just kept writing to eachother. Since we wrote so much together, we decided to meet with eachother during the lunch breaks, and just be together. Shortly after, i asked her out for a date to watch "Inception" and having a good time, which we then proceeded to do.
Lovely evening starting at my place, then meeting at the local cinema, where we just had fun... Untill after the movie, where one of her best friends suddenly appears out of nowhere and with her parents right around the corner! WHAT THE-?!
Let's just say that was very very awkward. XD

At this point, i was totally in love in her, and i wanted to ask her, if she wanted to be my girlfriend. But i really couldn't find a good time to ask her...
But we planned to meet up after school one day, and we just sat at some stone stairs, sitting close together, and... We started making out all of a sudden! Totally random to be honest, and i didn't even ask her the question. Stupidstupidstupid X_X I knew she loved me, but comon, i wanted it to be official now!
So a week or so later, we found a very good spot to be together (we had a break from scedule there, where we met up at the park), and where i asked her.

So now i'm in a relationship with my lovely girlfriend, now lets just hope it's going to last a long time. <3
(PS: that last bit happened 1½ week ago)


----------



## leandroab

My friend said 5 sluts are going to his house after football practice. Thing is, there is already 6 dudes...

He already fucked 2 of them so.. I guess I'm getting laid this afternoon... hahahha

UPDATE: Only 3 are coming... god dammit


----------



## scottro202

I just got rejected by a girl I've liked since the 6th grade (so 5 years) for her ex-boyfriend that broke up with her a mere 6 days ago. I'm pissed 

I FINALLY get the balls to do it, and I get rejected by her for the #1 guy I want to go and move away for good (AND HE FUCKING RAN AWAY TOO BUT HE'S BACK).


----------



## Despised_0515

Sorry to say buddy but you don't ask any girl out when they haven't even been out of a relationship for a week. Even if she said yes, you would've just been a rebound.

Write that shit down and never forget it. It'll save you the heartache.


----------



## scottro202

Despised_0515 said:


> Sorry to say buddy but you don't ask any girl out when they haven't even been out of a relationship for a week. Even if she said yes, you would've just been a rebound.
> 
> Write that shit down and never forget it. It'll save you the heartache.



*sigh* Unfortunately, I know you're right. And knew that before going into it. But she said he ran away, and figured by the way she's been acting towards me, I had a good chance. 

O well. Her loss right?


----------



## vampiregenocide

A couple of months is a safe time to make your move. Longer can be risky cos they might find someone else.


----------



## scottro202

vampiregenocide said:


> A couple of months is a safe time to make your move. Longer can be risky cos they might find someone else.



Or go back to her ex-boyfriend within a week, if you have my shitty luck


----------



## vampiregenocide

scottro202 said:


> Or go back to her ex-boyfriend within a week, if you have my shitty luck


 
Thats why you leave it. Its best she goes back to her bf right away rather than go out with you as a rebound, then dump you a week later.


----------



## MSalonen

I have something I want to talk to you guys about, but it has nothing to do with anything going on with a specific person in my life right now, rather it deals with something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

Ever since the deterioration of my last serious relationship, I've been focusing on just enjoying casual encounters and not worrying or trying to care about any type of real commitment. Which I think is good. But a part of that has to do with seeing, in my own life as well as that of friends and even online acquaintances (like you awesome folk), that serious relationships just don't work or are ultimately worth it. Which I'm not so sure is a good thing (to believe). Is it?

Because lately I've grown tired of aforementioned "casual encounters" and non-committal engagements, so to speak. I've found myself longing for something... real? Perhaps a poor choice of words. But I miss _love_. Which makes it only harder, knowing that at the very least that you can't look for it. 

I also know that I'm probably idealizing such serious relationships, since they all have their problems anyway. And with dealings like those, they can only end up being more heartwrenching and leave you with an even greater sense of loss when they don't work.

Yet, I can't help wanting it all the same. 

Due to that, I'm not even looking forward to the date I have this weekend. Because I know it'll probably just end up being something, again, casual - at best.


----------



## blister7321

MSalonen said:


> I have something I want to talk to you guys about, but it has nothing to do with anything going on with a specific person in my life right now, rather it deals with something I've been thinking about a lot lately.
> 
> Ever since the deterioration of my last serious relationship, I've been focusing on just enjoying casual encounters and not worrying or trying to care about any type of real commitment. Which I think is good. But a part of that has to do with seeing, in my own life as well as that of friends and even online acquaintances (like you awesome folk), that serious relationships just don't work or are ultimately worth it. Which I'm not so sure is a good thing (to believe). Is it?
> 
> Because lately I've grown tired of aforementioned "casual encounters" and non-committal engagements, so to speak. I've found myself longing for something... real? Perhaps a poor choice of words. But I miss _love_. Which makes it only harder, knowing that at the very least that you can't look for it.
> 
> I also know that I'm probably idealizing such serious relationships, since they all have their problems anyway. And with dealings like those, they can only end up being more heartwrenching and leave you with an even greater sense of loss when they don't work.
> 
> Yet, I can't help wanting it all the same.
> 
> Due to that, I'm not even looking forward to the date I have this weekend. Because I know it'll probably just end up being something, again, casual - at best.






ive been going through the same shit (minus the casual encounters) for the past 6 years dude it totally sucks there is really no good way of dealing with it, you either be like a buddy of mine in the same pickle as you and become a man whore, or you do like me and just kinda stay away from relationships because eventually you become oblivious to when chicks hit on you or you end up asking someone your in the god damn friend zone with it totally sucks 

example: 2 weeks ago at a long john silvers in the next town, the rather attractive young lady behind the counter started asking me about myself, mostly based off of the long dark hair, facial hair and guages, and i kinda just answered and didnt do shit about it she herself had guages so that tells me that she atleast may like the same music as myself (a common issue with me and significant others) and that she was actually a cool chick 
and my brother goes "dude your a dumbass you just missed a sure fucking thing" and i said fuck i know 


or 
example 2: my buddy has had some shit luck with relationships so he decided, no commitment and basically "does" any chick he sees fit 
and now he has a kid on the way from one girl and the herps from another


my advice try to stay away from either situation some how


----------



## leandroab

So aftermath of the night: 0 girls, plenty of beer, friends, good talk...

Meh, no sex but good fun. I kinda knew this would happen though, which sucked...


god dammit, 1 month with no sex.. I'm shaking..


----------



## metal_sam14

leandroab said:


> So aftermath of the night: 0 girls, plenty of beer, friends, good talk...
> 
> Meh, no sex but good fun. I kinda knew this would happen though, which sucked...
> 
> 
> god dammit, 1 month with no sex.. I'm shaking..



suck it up  I went through an 8 month dry spell before meeting my ex, and now that she has left me I can look forward to another lengthy dry spell FUCKKKKKKKKK


----------



## MFB

Welp, I'm throwing in the white towel on this chick. I just can't fucking deal with it anymore, which sucks cause we have another 2 months of class together but I'll live. She's been going through shit and obviously it sucks, but being a bitch and yelling at me isn't gonna get me to do anything. For a majority of it, I just chalked it up to her going through shit and that's it but even when I stood up for myself with the things that had nothing to do with me, it'd be a bitchy response. 

Today I was supposed to help her with photography since she has no clue what the fuck is going on, but since SHE is the one who needs help, I'M the one who's supposed to call and see if we're still on? Fuck that. If you want to get in shape is it the trainer's responsibility to call you? No. So she called me while I was mixing chemicals, and I told her flat out - "I'm at the school developing my pics, come up here and I'll help."

So she gets up there and shoots fucking daggers like it's her god damn job and the first thing I said was "You. look. pissed" to which I followed up with, "You. look. VERY. pissed." and then she walked out of the room and I was upset. She pokes her head back in and calls me out to the hall like I'm a fucking elementary student in trouble and then proceeds to cry in front of me about how she's stressed and needs my help cause she doesn't know what's going on. I offer to help her again and we go out and take some pics and her camera fucks up, so we find our professor. He fixes it, she finishes her roll and we leave. On our way out, she doesn't say a word to me and just drives off.

Fuck it, I don't need this shit.


----------



## metal_sam14

MFB said:


> Welp, I'm throwing in the white towel on this chick. I just can't fucking deal with it anymore, which sucks cause we have another 2 months of class together but I'll live. She's been going through shit and obviously it sucks, but being a bitch and yelling at me isn't gonna get me to do anything. For a majority of it, I just chalked it up to her going through shit and that's it but even when I stood up for myself with the things that had nothing to do with me, it'd be a bitchy response.
> 
> Today I was supposed to help her with photography since she has no clue what the fuck is going on, but since SHE is the one who needs help, I'M the one who's supposed to call and see if we're still on? Fuck that. If you want to get in shape is it the trainer's responsibility to call you? No. So she called me while I was mixing chemicals, and I told her flat out - "I'm at the school developing my pics, come up here and I'll help."
> 
> So she gets up there and shoots fucking daggers like it's her god damn job and the first thing I said was "You. look. pissed" to which I followed up with, "You. look. VERY. pissed." and then she walked out of the room and I was upset. She pokes her head back in and calls me out to the hall like I'm a fucking elementary student in trouble and then proceeds to cry in front of me about how she's stressed and needs my help cause she doesn't know what's going on. I offer to help her again and we go out and take some pics and her camera fucks up, so we find our professor. He fixes it, she finishes her roll and we leave. On our way out, she doesn't say a word to me and just drives off.
> 
> Fuck it, I don't need this shit.



Fuck it indeed man, you don't need that shit, if its this bad now, imagine what it could be like if you were in a relationship together


----------



## MFB

That's the thing that sucks, is that before when she was happy, she was REALLY happy. But with all this shit, she seems so far down the bitch-well that I don't want to think about when I might have the actual boyfriend title.


----------



## renzoip

MFB said:


> That's the thing that sucks, is that before when she was happy, she was REALLY happy. But with all this shit, she seems so far down the bitch-well that I don't want to think about when I might have the actual boyfriend title.




I know this sucks, but on the flip side, at least know you know what kind of behavior to expect from her. Be glad this didn't start happening later on into the relationship as it would have been much harder to deal with.

Take it as a warning sign.


----------



## Bungle

metal_sam14 said:


> suck it up  I went through an 8 month dry spell before meeting my ex, and now that she has left me I can look forward to another lengthy dry spell FUCKKKKKKKKK


Suck it up! I've been in a dry spell since September last year.

Yes, I've had a girlfriend since december. Yes, she's waiting until marriage.....

*I got*


----------



## Asrial

metal_sam14 said:


> suck it up  I went through an 8 month dry spell before meeting my ex, and now that she has left me I can look forward to another lengthy dry spell FUCKKKKKKKKK


Try 2 years...
*the horror*


----------



## metal_sam14

Asrial said:


> Try 2 years...
> *the horror*



THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## MSalonen

(Casual) Sex is honestly overrated.

I think, as guys, a lot of us put sex up on a pedestal as something greater than it actually is (whether what it represents to us, or the physical enjoyment of the act itself).

At least that's what I've realized for myself lately. I used to think I was missing something so awesome whenever I hadn't been laid for a while, and then I would get some action and it would be great in the moment of course... but then afterwards I was no better off, and right back to where I was before. It didn't make me feel any better or more fulfilled in any way.


----------



## Asrial

Of course, you won't become an upper being for getting laid, it's just good.

Think of it as if it was the best way of working out. Because it is.
Period.


----------



## MFB

Asrial said:


> Try 2 years...
> *the horror*



Try 20! 

Anywho, saw lady-friend today with every intention of telling her I can't do it and kind of in an asshole way cause I was pissed about shit from this past week, but instead remain calm and cool and we grabbed some breakfast with a girl from class and then talked. 

We agreed to not try and be in a relationship right now, which was my intention of the talk anyways, and that we really don't know each other well enough but we do care for each other and we'll be friends. If we come back down the road and it looks like a good thing then we'll try it, but if it ends like this again then we'll know it just won't/can't work.

It was very relieving to get it all out there and I told her why I had been pissed off and acting weird and it's because I had been trying to help and be let in, and all I had to do was listen instead of act and my actions were pushing me away, which kind of sucks because I feel like just listening isn't really helping even though it is. So for her, me trying to do stuff was a bit over the top and I had a feeling it would be, but unfortunately it's what I do when I see a friend going through shit.


----------



## Justin Bailey

Basically just playing the waiting game at this point in a way. Trying to live my life, but I still have that hope she'll come back, I kind of feel it in a way, and I'm not normally that kinda guy. I dunno. All I know is I'm not gonna be that pathetic guy.


----------



## MSalonen

Justin Bailey said:


> Basically just playing the waiting game at this point in a way. Trying to live my life, but I still have that hope she'll come back, I kind of feel it in a way, and I'm not normally that kinda guy. I dunno. All I know is I'm not gonna be that pathetic guy.



Never wait for anyone to come back.

Not to sound harsh, but they usually don't. And even if they do, while you may think you want that, it's almost never actually for the better.

Don't be that pathetic guy. You can do so much more for yourself.


----------



## avenger

Despised_0515 said:


> Sorry to say buddy but you don't ask any girl out when they haven't even been out of a relationship for a week. Even if she said yes, you would've just been a rebound.
> 
> Write that shit down and never forget it. It'll save you the heartache.


Or she will continue to bang her ex (in this case me ) thus raising his ego to godlike levels! I hate that girl so much now though.  Even if the sex was great I can't continue knowing she ditched me and was already with other GUYS (note plural) within the first week...

My new problem is all the women I meet and hit it off with no matter how forwarded or laid back I am ALL turn out having boyfriends! If I take I friendly approach I can see that as them misunderstanding my intentions BUT when I am being very forward its like... really?

I have been told I am charming/not threating when I approach the women but goddamn I cant take another "oh I have a boyfriend" or finding out via facebook or something!

No disrespect to women or anything but if a guy is making those kind of advances on you shouldn't you make it clear you are in a relationship before it goes to far? 

I also have no problem stealing guys girls as long as they arent married or engaged.


----------



## avenger

MSalonen said:


> Never wait for anyone to come back.
> 
> Not to sound harsh, but they usually don't. And even if they do, while you may think you want that, it's almost never actually for the better.
> 
> Don't be that pathetic guy. You can do so much more for yourself.


Best advice!

As hard as it can be moving on is the best thing you can do. You will find someone who will make you happy.

I think of it as "shit happens, her mistake, be myself". Once you can accept that the rest will fall into place.


----------



## MSalonen

Oh, any while this will probably/hopefully be already known to most of you, here is a list of a few things you NEVER ask (in one form or another).

1. Are we dating? / Will you be my girlfriend (or boyfriend)?

2. Can I kiss you?

3. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

4. Are you going to break up with me?

5. Do you like/love me?

6. Are you into/do you care about/love/ your ex/my friend/that guy/that girl?

7. Why do you like/love me?


----------



## Despised_0515

Call me crazy guys, but I'm tired of being in relationships where all she wants is sex.
I'm bored.
Dead bored of it.

I've been playing it cool, not caring for anything serious all year, someone seemingly special comes across yet again, her vibes of independence and whatnot drew me to her, we're together, now I'm her "everything" and all we do is watch netflix, smoke, eat amazing dinners, and have sex.

I just have to vent this out. I haven't seen her in over a week to just get shit done in my life as oppose to spend 2 entire days out of a week at her place and now she's pulling the whole "I feel like you're getting bored of me" card. I have a life, I have shit to do, sex is awesome but not when it robs 2 days out of already seemingly short weeks.

Gonna go see her later this week after job applications and band practice is out of the way so I have no other obligations but I want her to definitely understand that I handle my own life just fine, she should too or this can't work.

Independence. Somewhere along the line too many people forget how to be themselves in relationships.

/rant.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Despised_0515 said:


> Call me crazy guys, but I'm tired of being in relationships where all she wants is sex.
> I'm bored.
> Dead bored of it.


 
You so crazy.


----------



## scottro202

So, apparently, the girl I asked and her ex are going "as friends". (Less than 2 weeks after break-up)

I can smell the bull a mile away, can anyone else? Or did I just fart?


----------



## MSalonen

Despised_0515 said:


> Call me crazy guys, but I'm tired of being in relationships where all she wants is sex.
> I'm bored.
> Dead bored of it.
> 
> I've been playing it cool, not caring for anything serious all year, someone seemingly special comes across yet again, her vibes of independence and whatnot drew me to her, we're together, now I'm her "everything" and all we do is watch netflix, smoke, eat amazing dinners, and have sex.
> 
> I just have to vent this out. I haven't seen her in over a week to just get shit done in my life as oppose to spend 2 entire days out of a week at her place and now she's pulling the whole "I feel like you're getting bored of me" card. I have a life, I have shit to do, sex is awesome but not when it robs 2 days out of already seemingly short weeks.
> 
> Gonna go see her later this week after job applications and band practice is out of the way so I have no other obligations but I want her to definitely understand that I handle my own life just fine, she should too or this can't work.
> 
> Independence. Somewhere along the line too many people forget how to be themselves in relationships.
> 
> /rant.



I completely understand, I was in the same place as you at the end of my last serious relationship.

The mistake I made? Well, two.

One, I let myself get very emotionally distant. I stopped really talking to her, or even hanging out very much at all. In fact, I would actively find ways OUT of hanging out and having sex with her (even though she was an amazing girl and very attractive). It wasn't that I didn't like her anymore, I just needed my own space. But rather than talk about it, I just got distant. And by the time she mentioned it, the damage had already been done even if she maybe didn't even realize it in herself yet. After that point, it was never the same.

You know what else I realized though? Maybe I was growing distant for a reason. Sometimes you just grow apart, no good reason or fault behind it. It just happens.

Which leads to mistake #2, which is not break up with her when I should have. Which just lead it to dragging on longer than it should have, resulting in a much messier breakup for both of us. She finally had to be the one to do it, because I was in denial that I wasn't in love with her anymore after being together for so long.

Basically, I don't know if any of my situation applies to yours, but don't make either of these mistakes. Learn from mine.

It honestly sounds like you might have outgrown the relationship. And if that's the case, it's not fair to either one of you to keep it going on. But only you know if that's true.


----------



## Randy

scottro202 said:


> So, apparently, the girl I asked and her ex are going "as friends". (Less than 2 weeks after break-up)
> 
> I can smell the bull a mile away, can anyone else? Or did I just fart?



Good Luck Chuck syndrome. You step within 10 feet of her and she'll go back and marry that dude.


----------



## scottro202

Randy said:


> Good Luck Chuck syndrome. You step within 10 feet of her and she'll go back and marry that dude.



...

Hey, I'd bet money she'd ask my band to play the wedding. There's always that, right?


----------



## Randy

Silver linings


----------



## renzoip

Despised_0515 said:


> I'm her "everything" and all we do is watch netflix, smoke, eat amazing dinners, and have sex.



Idk... I'd be totally fine with that. 


However, I do see where you are coming from.


----------



## Varcolac

scottro202 said:


> So, apparently, the girl I asked and her ex are going "as friends". (Less than 2 weeks after break-up)
> 
> I can smell the bull a mile away, can anyone else? Or did I just fart?



Something something fish in the sea something something move on something something  .

Yeah that's my advice.


----------



## Justin Bailey

MSalonen said:


> Never wait for anyone to come back.
> 
> Not to sound harsh, but they usually don't. And even if they do, while you may think you want that, it's almost never actually for the better.
> 
> Don't be that pathetic guy. You can do so much more for yourself.



I'm not waiting for her, rather, waiting to see what happens next. I'm perfectly fine and open to meeting other people, plus I kinda wanna fuck something.

While you're right, I've never had a girl try and come back to me yet, I've also never been with any other girl for five years.



avenger said:


> Best advice!
> 
> As hard as it can be moving on is the best thing you can do. You will find someone who will make you happy.
> 
> I think of it as "shit happens, her mistake, be myself". Once you can accept that the rest will fall into place.




I am moved on and I'm not. While I do still love the stupid cunt, like I said, I do want another girlfriend, I do want to see what else I can get.

For sure, she fucked up something that could have been amazing because she got attached to some troll-like creature while he prayed on her when she was down.


----------



## budda

After the last two weeks I'm giving serious thought to just never talking to my ex again. We're good friends, we were talking a lot the last couple of weeks and now its midterms time, but I asked myself "why am I still here?" when I visited her and actually did not have a good answer for myself.

It kind of sucks when you begin to wonder "was it love, was I just in love with the idea of her like she said when she broke up with me, or was it just obsession and need?"

*sigh*


----------



## Justin Bailey

Obviously, as you know, I'm not the best person to give this kind of advice, but I think maybe just lay low for a while? Focus on trying to figure out how you feel, where you are, what you want, shit like that. Then maybe you can come back with a better understanding of your feelings in this situation.


----------



## Joeywilson

scottro202 said:


> Or go back to her ex-boyfriend within a week, if you have my shitty luck



Thats exactly what happened to me dude! It sucks so bad.


----------



## soliloquy

maybe i'm too naive, or believe humanity in general is good...but my girlfriends EX is pissing me off. we have been going out for about 2 and a half years. she broke up with him 3 years ago coz he was cheating on her. its been 3 years since they broke up, and the guy still hasn't given up on her. not only has he not given up on her (he keeps apologizing, and begging her back), but he is so persistent! he keeps texting her, asking he out, asking her how long our monogamous relationship will last, when will she cheat on me etc etc etc...

i have a LOT of issues, and am insecure. however, i trust her fully, and i'm not jealous of the guy either. but being the nice guy that i am *rolls eyes*, i told her that since he came into her life before me, i told her to keep talking to him if she likes, and i'm not interfering into their relationship unless shes asks me too, or if he is being very pushy. the thing with him is that he is very manipulative and my girlfriend is easily manipulated. so he keeps turning her words around against her, and keep hurting her and making her cry, or worse, make her question herself. i finally pulled the plug, and said not to ever talk to him again...

but the guy just wont give up. 

plus, apparently i have to pee on my girlfriend (not literally), coz some guy at college keeps staring at her, or keeps invading her personal space and is very touchy. even left a few love letters, unsigned, in her bag for her...


----------



## leandroab

The master sexual party with the hos might actually happen this friday. Let's see what happens...

God damn withdrawls !!!


----------



## JohnIce

Something struck me today... I might actually be falling in love again  This happened sitting on the bus, I had an hour left to get home... so I sent off a text saying "I'm on the bus, I'm bored, and now it's your problem!" Fast forward, I'm going on an afternoon date tomorrow  Which is awesome, because short dates = less pressure, less risk of getting bored with each other, and you get to leave her with the rest of the day thinking about you... as opposed to picking someone up at the bar, making out till your mouth is dry and waiting for closing time, having bad drunk sex and not have any urge to see her the next day because you spent so much time together the night before.

...this is pretty much what happened the first time with this girl 

So now we're doing things properly though cause although I've known her for 4 years I've seen her change a lot and I'm really getting attracted to her now. Personality-wise that is... she was always hot. 

So wish me luck, dudes! _This_ is on stake here:


----------



## Tones

sweeden has such beautiful women. i wish you luck my friend


----------



## Justin Bailey

so, gonna move to Sweden pretty soon.


----------



## blister7321

nice one john 
good luck


----------



## Konfyouzd

Randy said:


> Good Luck Chuck syndrome. You step within 10 feet of her and she'll go back and marry that dude.


 
It happens...


----------



## Konfyouzd

leandroab said:


> The master sexual party with the hos might actually happen this friday. Let's see what happens...
> 
> God damn withdrawls !!!


 
Leandro is on drugs? Explains so much...


----------



## leandroab

Konfyouzd said:


> Leandro is on drugs? Explains so much...



I meant sex withdraw. It's bad. Really bad. 

Btw, my parents were on a trip around Europe. They have been to Russia, Sweden, Finnland, Denmark, Norway, etc...

They both said Russian girls were the hottest. 

I think E(u)rotrip is bound to happen. Just to confirm, you know...


----------



## Fzau

leandroab said:


> I meant sex withdraw. It's bad. Really bad.
> 
> Btw, my parents were on a trip around Europe. They have been to Russia, Sweden, Finnland, Denmark, Norway, etc...
> 
> They both said Russian girls were the hottest.
> 
> I think E(u)rotrip is bound to happen. Just to confirm, you know...


 
Pick me up in Belgium on the way


----------



## MSalonen

Russian girls are the hottest, but you're more likely to get laid in Sweden.


----------



## leandroab

MSalonen said:


> Russian girls are the hottest, but you're more likely to get laid in Sweden.



And why is that? John Ice, confirm this observation, as I'm very curious right now...


----------



## JohnIce

Eh, I personally don't really fancy eastern-european girls. In fact, there was a big Octoberfest party at Uni last weekend and there were a ton of Russian/Polish/Ukrainian etc. women and I didn't really see the magic in it  Not to sound like a racist of course, I've seen some gorgeous women from over there but I'm generally not a fan.

And I don't think it's that easy to get laid here... I fail sometimes and lots of my mates never get anything.


----------



## MSalonen

Thanks for helping to prove my point John. 



leandroab said:


> And why is that? John Ice, confirm this observation, as I'm very curious right now...



It has to do with the culture, enhanced by the inherent fact that you're a visitor and different (ie. exciting).

Obviously there are exceptions (stereotypes and generalizations are never 100% true), but Swedish guys tend to be more passive and reserved. There is a very high level of gender equality within Scandinavian countries, which is of course a good thing, but it also leads to women (sometimes, not always) lacking the attraction of being treated... well, like women.

By that, I mean women enjoy a man being assertive and upfront (to a logical extent). So when they tend to not get that from most guys around them, it's both refreshing and attractive when a guy actually is.


----------



## leandroab

JohnIce said:


> Eh, I personally don't really fancy eastern-european girls. In fact, there was a big Octoberfest party at Uni last weekend and there were a ton of Russian/Polish/Ukrainian etc. women and I didn't really see the magic in it  Not to sound like a racist of course, I've seen some gorgeous women from over there but I'm generally not a fan.
> 
> And I don't think it's that easy to get laid here... I fail sometimes and lots of my mates never get anything.



Gnaahhh.. Opinions are opinions eh?

The grass is always greener on the other side I guess...


----------



## Murmel

I feel like the only guy who don't find Russian girls attractive... Seriously, pretty much all of the ones I've seen are easily beat by an average Swedish girl  Even the models.


----------



## JohnIce

MSalonen said:


> Thanks for helping to prove my point John.
> 
> 
> 
> It has to do with the culture, enhanced by the inherent fact that you're a visitor and different (ie. exciting).
> 
> Obviously there are exceptions (stereotypes and generalizations are never 100% true), but Swedish guys tend to be more passive and reserved. There is a very high level of gender equality within Scandinavian countries, which is of course a good thing, but it also leads to women (sometimes, not always) lacking the attraction of being treated... well, like women.
> 
> By that, I mean women enjoy a man being assertive and upfront (to a logical extent). So when they tend to not get that from most guys around them, it's both refreshing and attractive when a guy actually is.


 
Swedish _people _are more passive. See the thread on the Jante Law in the Lounge. There are many guys who have a hard time coming onto a girl, but there are as many girls who have a hard time responding to it. People here simply don't take up a lot of space, most of the time. It is indeed a cultural thing.

However, if a guy who lacks charm and the right approach starts actively hitting on a Swedish girl, he'll be considered a clingy loser no matter how far he's traveled.


----------



## blister7321

Murmel said:


> I feel like the only guy who don't find Russian girls attractive... Seriously, pretty much all of the ones I've seen are easily beat by an average Swedish girl  Even the models.


 i agree


----------



## soliloquy

meh, i'd pick estonian girls over russian girls 

russian girls have their moments. either they are okay hot (not the hottest, but wouldn't kick em out of bed), or they can also come as 6 foot 5, really masculine, and unusually strong and scary people...:S 

mostly its the former...


----------



## MSalonen

JohnIce said:


> Swedish _people _are more passive. See the thread on the Jante Law in the Lounge. There are many guys who have a hard time coming onto a girl, but there are as many girls who have a hard time responding to it. People here simply don't take up a lot of space, most of the time. It is indeed a cultural thing.



Of course, but men and women do respond differently in situations of casual flirtation and when the situation is already in the ballpark of something possibly happening (such as a party, or a bar, etc.)



JohnIce said:


> However, if a guy who lacks charm and the right approach starts actively hitting on a Swedish girl, he'll be considered a clingy loser no matter how far he's traveled.



This goes without saying.


----------



## JohnIce

MSalonen said:


> Of course, but men and women do respond differently in situations of casual flirtation and when the situation is already in the ballpark of something possibly happening (such as a party, or a bar, etc.)
> 
> 
> 
> This goes without saying.


 
I'm still not sure though... about swedish women being easy to pick up and even easier if you're an aggressively flirtatious foreigner... it doesn't compute for me. We have a lot of arab immigrants here who'll holler at girls or shower them with compliments and attention in a way that is quite un-swedish, and most girls are really put off by it.

I think being foreign may be a plus if you play it right, but so can pretty much any other attribute or talent you have.


----------



## soliloquy

well, its kinda hard to generalize girls and guys, and how their relationship is to one another.

not always, but often enough in north america, the girl would generally like the guy if he ignores her, or shows very little interest. but if the guy is very obvious about his feels, and is always there for the girl, the girl may find the guy repulsive, or throw him in the 'friends, or like a brother' category. 










not that its related, but i find it really scary how common it has become for people to cheat, and how uncommon monogamous relationships have become. at first i wanted to believe that monogamy still exists, but going past the age of 20, you realize how silly that is. it seems the older people get, the more its expected for them to cheat around. guys cheating, or girls cheating is quickly becoming the social norm around my area. 

obviously this doesn't help my insecurity...

let me throw this question out to you folks out there...

your significant other cheated on you, once, or twice, or however many times. he/she/it regrets it, and swears it wont ever happen again. would you want your significant other to tell you?


----------



## BrainArt

JohnIce said:


> Something struck me today... I might actually be falling in love again  This happened sitting on the bus, I had an hour left to get home... so I sent off a text saying "I'm on the bus, I'm bored, and now it's your problem!" Fast forward, I'm going on an afternoon date tomorrow  Which is awesome, because short dates = less pressure, less risk of getting bored with each other, and you get to leave her with the rest of the day thinking about you... as opposed to picking someone up at the bar, making out till your mouth is dry and waiting for closing time, having bad drunk sex and not have any urge to see her the next day because you spent so much time together the night before.
> 
> ...this is pretty much what happened the first time with this girl
> 
> So now we're doing things properly though cause although I've known her for 4 years I've seen her change a lot and I'm really getting attracted to her now. Personality-wise that is... she was always hot.
> 
> So wish me luck, dudes! _This_ is on stake here:



Good luck, mate! She really is a looker.  



soliloquy said:


> maybe i'm too naive, or believe humanity in general is good...but my girlfriends EX is pissing me off. we have been going out for about 2 and a half years. she broke up with him 3 years ago coz he was cheating on her. its been 3 years since they broke up, and the guy still hasn't given up on her. not only has he not given up on her (he keeps apologizing, and begging her back), but he is so persistent! he keeps texting her, asking he out, asking her how long our monogamous relationship will last, when will she cheat on me etc etc etc...
> 
> i have a LOT of issues, and am insecure. however, i trust her fully, and i'm not jealous of the guy either. but being the nice guy that i am *rolls eyes*, i told her that since he came into her life before me, i told her to keep talking to him if she likes, and i'm not interfering into their relationship unless shes asks me too, or if he is being very pushy. the thing with him is that he is very manipulative and my girlfriend is easily manipulated. so he keeps turning her words around against her, and keep hurting her and making her cry, or worse, make her question herself. i finally pulled the plug, and said not to ever talk to him again...
> 
> but the guy just wont give up.
> 
> plus, apparently i have to pee on my girlfriend (not literally), coz some guy at college keeps staring at her, or keeps invading her personal space and is very touchy. even left a few love letters, unsigned, in her bag for her...



This is just me, but if I were in these situations, I'd "mark my territory" so to speak, like you said, and if they continue to encroach upon it, I'd drop them. But, I'm also protective over pretty much anybody in my life, so YMMV.



JohnIce said:


> I fail sometimes



 It's true.... God isn't perfect!


----------



## metal_sam14

My new motto in life: I am not god; When I have sex with women they aren't virgins anymore


----------



## noob_pwn

hai giez.
This is me and my girlfriend right after i played a show the other week. 




As you can tell she is quite the looker but also my best friend/the coolest person I've ever met. Everything is pretty much perfect but everytime i go on tour and she goes out with her friends dudes who are supposed to be my mates try to hit on her, dudes even hit on her on facebook and her ex (some really weedy dude) is harassing her saying he still has feelings for her etc. I'm not worried about losing her for any reason, shes just not stupid like 99% of the female race and we are both really loyal to each other but whenever this stuff happens it pisses me off. I feel as if people don't consider our relationship valid, or the fact that she is TAKEN, or have absolutely no respect for me or her. She should be able to go out and have fun without me (I want her to), without being hit on at every turn by douchenozzles who pretend to be my buddy when I'm home.
/rant
/rant


----------



## MSalonen

JohnIce said:


> I'm still not sure though... about swedish women being easy to pick up and even easier if you're an aggressively flirtatious foreigner... it doesn't compute for me. We have a lot of arab immigrants here who'll holler at girls or shower them with compliments and attention in a way that is quite un-swedish, and most girls are really put off by it.
> 
> I think being foreign may be a plus if you play it right, but so can pretty much any other attribute or talent you have.



I would catagorize that under your previous statement about not having charm or the right approach. And being an arab immigrant isn't the same as, in Leandro's case, a Brasilian guy there on vacation. 

Your second point is definitely true, and is pretty much what I was trying to say originally.


----------



## Bungle

MSalonen said:


> in Leandro's case, a Brasilian guy there on vacation


I'm no expert, but I think a Brazilian dude on holiday anywhere in the world would have a wheelbarrow full of pussy within minutes of getting off the plane.

I'm in Sydney, Australia and the cleaner/janitor in the building I work in in the city is a Brazilian guy. A cleaner/janitor is a low status job, but holy shit, this dude can stand there holding a mop and just smile at a chick walking into the building and you can see her melt. Lucky fucker.


----------



## leandroab

Bungle said:


> I'm no expert, but I think a Brazilian dude on holiday anywhere in the world would have a wheelbarrow full of pussy within minutes of getting off the plane.
> 
> I'm in Sydney, Australia and the cleaner/janitor in the building I work in in the city is a Brazilian guy. A cleaner/janitor is a low status job, but holy shit, this dude can stand there holding a mop and just smile at a chick walking into the building and you can see her melt. Lucky fucker.



Well, I think this "brazilian charm" only happens abroad. Cuz here I can't get pussy like that...

The only experience with women abroad that I had was back in 2008 when I was 16, in the US. I banged one (slut) and had a 3 month relationship with another (super cool girl) at the end of the school year... I can say I had 1/10th of the work I have here with girls and I felt 10000 times better there. I think I can articulate myself WAY better in english than in portuguese... 


I really love traveling and meeting foreign people. Especially exchange students (since I was one). I really want to go to europe, since I was never been there. And I also hope to turn this theory into practice! 

I'm not an "active hitter" guy. I'm very laid back and I prefer sitting around, drinking beer and talking than clubs and raves and shit... well wtf am I talking about... I want to get out of this hellhole and travel! weee

(yes I'm drunk...)


----------



## Despised_0515

Ukrainian girls ftw. That's just my say.


----------



## JohnIce

noob_pwn said:


> As you can tell she is quite the looker but also my best friend/the coolest person I've ever met. Everything is pretty much perfect but everytime i go on tour and she goes out with her friends dudes who are supposed to be my mates try to hit on her, dudes even hit on her on facebook and her ex (some really weedy dude) is harassing her saying he still has feelings for her etc. I'm not worried about losing her for any reason, shes just not stupid like 99% of the female race and we are both really loyal to each other but whenever this stuff happens it pisses me off. I feel as if people don't consider our relationship valid, or the fact that she is TAKEN, or have absolutely no respect for me or her. She should be able to go out and have fun without me (I want her to), without being hit on at every turn by douchenozzles who pretend to be my buddy when I'm home.
> /rant
> /rant


 
Well, that is pretty much the deep human instinct that's called "survival of the fittest". The bigger fish eats the smaller fish etc. When a guy finds your girl attractive, and they think you're no better than they are, then they will take the chance to steal your girl. It happened all the time with my ex., dudes would be super nice to me and when I turn my back they could literally whisper in my girl's ear that I was a pussy and she should be with them instead. I've never got as much disrespect from random dudes as I got when I was seeing her.

It's fucked up, yes, but it's human. I personally have a deep respect for relationships, I have friends who have cheated or been cheated on and it's broken them down afterwards, not to mention hitting on a taken girl can get you in so much unexpected trouble. When I met my ex she wasn't even in a relationship, but there was a guy who thought she was his girl, and he was literally on a man hunt when we got together, saying he'd kill me and bringing his friends to the same places we were at for no other reason than to beat me down. This went on for a month or two, the fact that nothing happened was pure luck and me having good contacts with the bouncers at the places we went to.

And lately I was casually hooking up another girl who was recently single, when all of a sudden her ex talked her into seeing him and he threw her head-first into a concrete wall, beat her down and threatened her with a knife, saying any guy who touches her will get stabbed.

In other words, you can't do much to avoid meeting girls with baggage, but the least thing you can do is to limit yourself to the single ones anyway.


----------



## noob_pwn

JohnIce said:


> When I met my ex she wasn't even in a relationship, but there was a guy who thought she was his girl, and he was literally on a man hunt when we got together, saying he'd kill me and bringing his friends to the same places we were at for no other reason than to beat me down. This went on for a month or two, the fact that nothing happened was pure luck and me having good contacts with the bouncers at the places we went to.
> 
> And lately I was casually hooking up another girl who was recently single, when all of a sudden her ex talked her into seeing him and he threw her head-first into a concrete wall, beat her down and threatened her with a knife, saying any guy who touches her will get stabbed.



Wow, shit gets real in sweden!
thanks for the input dude!


----------



## josh pelican

MSalonen said:


> It has to do with the culture, enhanced by the inherent fact that you're a visitor and different (ie. exciting).


 
I get laid in every country because both my tongue and genitals are pierced.

But, seriously... John and I should go pussy hunting some day. Or just fuck each other.


----------



## soliloquy

noob_pwn said:


> hai giez.
> This is me and my girlfriend right after i played a show the other week.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> As you can tell she is quite the looker but also my best friend/the coolest person I've ever met. Everything is pretty much perfect but everytime i go on tour and she goes out with her friends dudes who are supposed to be my mates try to hit on her, dudes even hit on her on facebook and her ex (some really weedy dude) is harassing her saying he still has feelings for her etc. I'm not worried about losing her for any reason, shes just not stupid like 99% of the female race and we are both really loyal to each other but whenever this stuff happens it pisses me off. I feel as if people don't consider our relationship valid, or the fact that she is TAKEN, or have absolutely no respect for me or her. She should be able to go out and have fun without me (I want her to), without being hit on at every turn by douchenozzles who pretend to be my buddy when I'm home.
> /rant
> /rant



there, there, i feel for you. i'm personally not too possessive over my belongings. having a few too many people leave me for one reason or another, i kind of expect them to leave my life at one point or another now. however, when it comes to my girlfriend, i just feel like giving up some times.

my girlfriend is brown, and thus, obviously follows the paki/indian culture. with that said, the paki/indian culture revolves around weddings. so if you remove that word from their vocabulary, you single handedly make their culture cease to exist. 

as a result, everywhere my girlfriend goes, she gets wedding/marriage proposals from random people. shes out buying furniture, and comes back with 3 proposals. she goes to college, and comes with proposals. shes at a funeral and gets proposals. what sucks is that, we have some common family friends. these family friends are a LOT closer to her family than my family, and they know about our relationship. however, everytime they are together, they constantly keep trying to sabotage this relationship just so they can get her married to their son or their cousin or their uncle, or some other random male in the family. and since the family friends are far more loaded than i am (i'm a university student, paying tuition, and working at a place that is barley giving me hours....), they keep competing with me by almost bribing her with random things. just last week, they gave her a car! a fucking car!!!! 

as a result, there are SO many parts of the city (which is about 300 sq kms big or so...BIG city) that are off limits for us to be together in....

being in a relationship with a brown girl really sucks...


----------



## josh pelican

metal_sam14 said:


> My new motto in life: I am not god; When I have sex with women they aren't virgins anymore


 
I turn virgins into sex fiends;
I turn nightmares into wet dreams.


----------



## Murmel

noob_pwn said:


> Wow, shit gets real in sweden!
> thanks for the input dude!


I hope you didn't get the impression that we are savages


----------



## Fzau

josh pelican said:


> I get laid in every country because both my tongue and genitals are pierced.
> 
> But, seriously... John and I should go pussy hunting some day. *Or just fuck each other*.


 


Yeah, I haven't been posting much lately..
Kinda busy with Uni, MMA training, parties and girls.


----------



## BrainArt

Fzau said:


> Yeah, I haven't been posting much lately..
> Kinda busy with Uni, *MMA training*, parties and girls.



I didn't know you swung that way, Tom.


----------



## leandroab

God dammi&#9786;&#9829;5&#9688;&#8226;=U&#9827;9&#9660;Ca=§&#9827;&#9824;&#9675;&#9688;&#9827;&#9794;&#9644;!6&#9824;7MXc&#9675;x9cÜ+&#9565;o&#9616;M&#9834;.O&#8735;&#9668;'&#8594;&#9788;0;


----------



## Prydogga

Lady problems Leandro? Why did you email me some shit about medicine?


----------



## Fzau

Prydogga said:


> Lady problems Leandro? Why did you email me some shit about medicine?


 
I'm guessing he's shit drunk


----------



## leandroab

Fzau said:


> I'm guessing he's shit drunk


I knew I shouldn't be downloading old german porn...



Anyways, shit's not happening tonight as Murphy and I predicted. I guess I won't be having sex in a long time...


----------



## leandroab

Shit might happen tomorrow. But guess what my hopes are...


----------



## MFB

I'm probably gonna make a huge mistake within the next 2 days but we'll see

Edit : I can safely say I'm way to lazy to make the mistake tonight, fuck typing shit out


----------



## leandroab

MFB said:


> I'm probably gonna make a huge mistake within the next 2 days but we'll see
> 
> Edit : I can safely say I'm way to lazy to make the mistake tonight, fuck typing shit out



Tell the girl you know since 5th grade "you love her"?


----------



## MFB

I don't even remember anyone who was in my 5th grade class!


----------



## Daemoniac

6 year anniversary in 2 months


----------



## Fzau

Demoniac said:


> 6 year anniversary in 2 months


 
Awesome, dude! 

Well.. I better get dressed. One of my ladyfriends is coming over


----------



## Prydogga

Being dressed with a ladyfriend nearby is definitely a barrier to sexual activities Tom.....


----------



## Fzau

Prydogga said:


> Being dressed with a ladyfriend nearby is definitely a barrier to sexual activities Tom.....


 
I plan on taking them off close after, my friend. No worries.


----------



## JohnIce

Fzau said:


> I plan on taking them off close after, my friend. No worries.



Be sure to tell her first...


----------



## Necris

JohnIce said:


> Be sure to tell her first...


 Disregard that, chicks dig a man who disrobes without warning.


----------



## Prydogga

The naked man: Works 2/3 times. Guaranteed.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Ex is already with someone new. Just entered a new world of uber-depression.


----------



## MSalonen

Alright, so yesterday I went on that date I wasn't really looking forward to.

It turns out the reason she wanted to meet up earlier for a ate lunch rather than dinner is because she wanted to walk down to the water and watch the sunset with me, which was rad. And then she wanted to go for drinks afterwards, so I had totally misjudged the reasoning but I'm glad I just went with it. What sucks though is that I went from being completely disinterested to being totally into her.

Of course, I ended up getting (too) drunk later on (she was drunk too though), and I guess I misinterpreted signals or something, because I got physically affectionate and that got to be a bit of a problem and not reciprocated. But that's weird to me though because everything leading up until then seemed to be pretty clear signs that she was into me, but whatever.

Not sure if I necessarily fucked things up beyond repair, but at this point I honestly don't care too much. Because either a) she isn't into me, and therefor I would have only lost a friendship I didnt want in the first place or b) she wants me to play harder to get or act in some way that isn't how I am, so it wouldn't have worked out anyway.

Thoughts?


----------



## JohnIce

vampiregenocide said:


> Ex is already with someone new. Just entered a new world of uber-depression.



There are several reasons why she could've done that... either cause she's desperate, or she wants to prove something to you, she's uncomfortable after the breakup etc... don't take too hard on it. Go out and have fun with friends instead, great if you can find some other girls but just focus on not thinking about her.


----------



## vampiregenocide

JohnIce said:


> There are several reasons why she could've done that... either cause she's desperate, or she wants to prove something to you, she's uncomfortable after the breakup etc... don't take too hard on it. Go out and have fun with friends instead, great if you can find some other girls but just focus on not thinking about her.


 
Or it's because they met while we were going out and she prefers him to me, hence breaking up.  And not really got any friends at uni man.


----------



## soliloquy

vampiregenocide said:


> Or it's because they met while we were going out and she prefers him to me, hence breaking up.  And not really got any friends at uni man.



yup, universities suck! 4 years in, and still no friends! 

hang out with your non uni-friends? go to a few pubs and see live bands play?


----------



## MFB

I've pretty much abandoned all contact with lady-friend since we broke it off, mainly because for me, it was terribly awkward to hang around with her. Not sure if I'll talk to her again.


----------



## vampiregenocide

soliloquy said:


> yup, universities suck! 4 years in, and still no friends!
> 
> hang out with your non uni-friends? go to a few pubs and see live bands play?


 
Barely get time. I stay at uni, and when I come back I'm quite busy.


----------



## flo

vampiregenocide said:


> Or it's because they met while we were going out and she prefers him to me, hence breaking up.  And not really got any friends at uni man.


 
Meh, then she lust lacks taste

Finding friends at uni is a difficult thing for me too, and that sucks. I figured out that I like people better the less nerdy they are, like... normal people you just can relax and have fun with. Just ask anyone who seems nice to have a beer with you, it always works 
And then you've got at least some distraction for one evening.


----------



## vampiregenocide

flo said:


> Meh, then she lust lacks taste
> 
> Finding friends at uni is a difficult thing for me too, and that sucks. I figured out that I like people better the less nerdy they are, like... normal people you just can relax and have fun with. Just ask anyone who seems nice to have a beer with you, it always works
> And then you've got at least some distraction for one evening.


 


Yeah man, I like a certain kind of person that isn't too common. The fact I'm quite weird is probably not a big help.


----------



## flo

vampiregenocide said:


> Yeah man, I like a certain kind of person that isn't too common. The fact I'm quite weird is probably not a big help.



I remember like a few years ago I was searching for people that where like me, thought like me, had similar opinions etc. I got frustrated. It took me quite a while to open up, but now I see people who are completely different as an enrichment. I don't think one can be friends with everyone, but once you stop searching for a special type of person and don't think that you have to become friends but just want a good time, that's a good starting point.
A lot of the people I met where way more intresting than I thought at first.

By the way, I just checked your myspage page (again), you've got some real talent! I like your work, it's speaking.


----------



## vampiregenocide

flo said:


> I remember like a few years ago I was searching for people that where like me, thought like me, had similar opinions etc. I got frustrated. It took me quite a while to open up, but now I see people who are completely different as an enrichment. I don't think one can be friends with everyone, but once you stop searching for a special type of person and don't think that you have to become friends but just want a good time, that's a good starting point.
> A lot of the people I met where way more intresting than I thought at first.
> 
> By the way, I just checked your myspage page (again), you've got some real talent! I like your work, it's speaking.


 
Yeah I get what you mean man, I'll see how it goes.

And aww cheers man.


----------



## scottro202

My buddy, who's 16, in 11th grade (junior year), went on a "blind date" with his friend's neighbor.

He says she's the most awesome girl he's ever met, really cute, generally awesome.

Twist? She's in 8th grade, 13. Still in Middle School. I think that big of a difference is weird, and he shouldn't go for it. What do ya'll think?


----------



## metal_sam14

scottro202 said:


> My buddy, who's 16, in 11th grade (junior year), went on a "blind date" with his friend's neighbor.
> 
> He says she's the most awesome girl he's ever met, really cute, generally awesome.
> 
> Twist? She's in 8th grade, 13. Still in Middle School. I think that big of a difference is weird, and he shouldn't go for it. What do ya'll think?



has the potential to get messy very quickly, if a 13yo cries rape then you are basically fucked. but if she is cool and mature then he could give it a shot I guess, still a bit weird though


----------



## Taylor2

scottro202 said:


> My buddy, who's 16, in 11th grade (junior year), went on a "blind date" with his friend's neighbor.
> 
> He says she's the most awesome girl he's ever met, really cute, generally awesome.
> 
> Twist? She's in 8th grade, 13. Still in Middle School. I think that big of a difference is weird, and he shouldn't go for it. What do ya'll think?




That's going to get ugly REAL fast.


----------



## leandroab

I didn't get any pussy, but I sure did get shitfaced and smoked 2 fucking cigars like a boss... hahahahaha


----------



## Mattmc74

Necris said:


> Or you know, you could act like an adult about it and realize the kiss is meaningless and move on.


----------



## soliloquy

scottro202 said:


> My buddy, who's 16, in 11th grade (junior year), went on a "blind date" with his friend's neighbor.
> 
> He says she's the most awesome girl he's ever met, really cute, generally awesome.
> 
> Twist? She's in 8th grade, 13. Still in Middle School. I think that big of a difference is weird, and he shouldn't go for it. What do ya'll think?



like mentioned above, it could get ugly very fast....

however, if she was a bit older, then that 3 year age difference isn't really all too bad. my girlfriend is almost 3 years younger than me. but then again, i met her when she was 18.... 

i'd say be very cautious around her. if he's legal, dont buy her booze. dont let her drive around. etc etc etc....but then again, that could also turn into your friend being an almost father figure to her by keeping her out of shit...


----------



## Taylor2

soliloquy said:


> like mentioned above, it could get ugly very fast....
> 
> however, if she was a bit older, then that 3 year age difference isn't really all too bad. my girlfriend is almost 3 years younger than me. but then again, i met her when she was 18....
> 
> i'd say be very cautious around her. if he's legal, dont buy her booze. dont let her drive around. etc etc etc....but then again, that could also turn into your friend being an almost father figure to her by keeping her out of shit...




It's not so much the age difference as it is the fact that she isn't legal...for anything.
And lets face it, 16 year olds like to stick their dick in things.


----------



## metal_sam14

Taylor said:


> It's not so much the age difference as it is the fact that she isn't legal...for anything.
> *And lets face it, 16 year olds like to stick their dick in things.*



QFT


----------



## WickedSymphony

Taylor said:


> And lets face it, 16 year olds like to stick their dick in things.



I don't think that problem gets better at any age, man.


----------



## vampiregenocide

WickedSymphony said:


> I don't think that problem gets better at any age, man.


 
Hell I did when I was 2. And generally not even living things.


----------



## WickedSymphony

vampiregenocide said:


> Hell I did when I was 2. And generally not even living things.





If anyone managed to stick it in living things when they were 2, then that would have been quite the feat.


----------



## josh pelican

I think he really meant he stuck it inside of himself... like when he was cold.

EDIT: ... and no, I don't mean in his own ass.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Thats fucked.


----------



## anthonyferguson

vampiregenocide said:


> Hell I did when I was 2. And generally not even living things.




Oh my god, 

you crack me up sir.


----------



## vampiregenocide

tonywozere said:


> Oh my god,
> 
> you crack me up sir.


 
Always a pleasure.


----------



## Justin Bailey

I've gotta get her back, but I'm not gonna be that beggy guy. Feel like I'm gonna keep my distance, continue to not get in touch with her, if she texts me, maybe I'll reply, maybe not. Hopefully we'll be able to hang out around thanksgiving, I'm gonna do everything I can to show her a good time, I just hope to christ she feels something...


----------



## MFB

Well, as much as I wanted to just ignore her and be done with shit to avoid any possibility of awkwardness, we're still talking and I realize I still care for her more than I thought. In a way it's nice to know that kind of stuff, especially since it's the first time in 3 years that I've given a shit about virtually ANYTHING. We hung out last night and I helped her with photography stuff that she was behind in and it was good to have some alone time like we did before.


----------



## Justin Bailey

Its been a month, a fucking month and I can't stop thinking about her. I still love her.


----------



## scottro202

So, I was at this party.

I was dancing with this one chick, who's 21. She was TOTALLY hitting on me, and wanted me to "bulldoze her pink monkey"  I didn't act on it, then, she found out I was 16, and didn't seem to want anything to do with me for the rest of the night  AND, to my surprise, she was sober as well.

Just thought I'd share that story


----------



## leandroab

scottro202 said:


> So, I was at this party.
> 
> I was dancing with this one chick, who's 21. She was TOTALLY hitting on me, and wanted me to "bulldoze her pink monkey"  I didn't act on it, then, she found out I was 16, and didn't seem to want anything to do with me for the rest of the night  AND, to my surprise, she was sober as well.
> 
> Just thought I'd share that story



I wish I was that lucky...


----------



## Asrial

1 month anniversary next saturday, with she staying at my place, with us drinking mead n shit, being totally random...
Should i buy some protection? O-o


----------



## BrainArt

scottro202 said:


> So, I was at this party.
> 
> I was dancing with this one chick, who's 21. She was TOTALLY hitting on me, and wanted me to "bulldoze her pink monkey"  I didn't act on it, then, she found out I was 16, and didn't seem to want anything to do with me for the rest of the night  AND, to my surprise, she was sober as well.
> 
> Just thought I'd share that story



Scottyfail.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Hungout with the hottest chick of my life tonight... just dropped her off. Nothing romantic/sexual yet... I forgot about my ex totally. She seems out of my league... but maybe not.


----------



## Explorer

Asrial said:


> 1 month anniversary next saturday, with she staying at my place, with us drinking mead n shit, being totally random...
> Should i buy some protection? O-o



Er... is that a serious question?

Okay, assuming you want to keep things non-sexual until the wedding, I can see not getting protection. Similarly, if you have other reasons to not go all the way which are all related to your *own* values or ideas, don't get protection.

If you are trying to be respectful of her, then for goodness' sake, buy something. If she changes her mind, it's her decision... and it's *GAME ON!*

Whatever you decide to do, good luck!


----------



## BrainArt

PyramidSmasher said:


> Hungout with the hottest chick of my life tonight... just dropped her off. Nothing romantic/sexual yet... I forgot about my ex totally. She seems out of my league... but maybe not.



You obviously haven't been reading JohnIce's posts. As he's said a few times: "No girl is out of your league, you're out of their league". At least, I think that's how it goes.


----------



## Varcolac

Asrial said:


> 1 month anniversary next saturday, with she staying at my place, with us drinking mead n shit, being totally random...
> Should i buy some protection? O-o



To answer this question, I will need to ask you a simple question: do you want to stick your thingy in her thingy?

If the answer is yes, then by all means buy some rubbers. Buy plenty! Use them well.

*this post assumes you are both consenting adults. If you're not, I think you need a note from your parents or something. By "thingy" I mean penis and vagina. Or any other amusing euphemisms. Sheathe your pork sword in her meat scabbard, or something.


----------



## Asrial

Okay, clarification:
We are both above the legal drinking and sexual age (16 and 15 respectively), as we are both 17. And we have been, um... Close.
We are both highly interested in eachother, so i guess my question is a serious question hidden behind an unserious attitude, sorry for that. ^^


----------



## Fzau

BrainArt said:


> You obviously haven't been reading JohnIce's posts. As he's said a few times: "No girl is out of your league, you're out of their league". At least, I think that's how it goes.


 
True, athough you have to communicate that on the outside too.
(running around with typical deathcore bandshirts won't get you anywhere probably)


----------



## Fzau

Asrial said:


> 1 month anniversary next saturday, with she staying at my place, with us drinking mead n shit, being totally random...
> Should i buy some protection? O-o


 
ALWAYS have condoms with you, that's what I do at least. No surprise bummers for me.

EDIT: doublepost fail 

Ow yeah, I actually met a cool, cute, interesting girl! One minor obstacle in the way though.


----------



## Murmel

Fzau said:


> Ow yeah, I actually met a cool, cute, interesting girl! One minor obstacle in the way though.


She's a dude?


----------



## Fzau

Murmel said:


> She's a dude?


 
I clearly said she's a girl! 
And she's not the probrem, the boyfriend is.


----------



## MFB

Kill him.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Fzau said:


> I clearly said she's a girl!
> And she's not the probrem, the boyfriend is.


 
Ah dude don't be going down that route. As someone whose had his girl stolen from him by another guy recently, its a dick move to do and best to just wait on her. If she wants to leave him then go for it, but don't lead her to it.


----------



## leandroab

MFB said:


> Kill him.


With fire.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Fzau said:


> True, athough you have to communicate that on the outside too.
> (running around with typical deathcore bandshirts won't get you anywhere probably)



Yeah, I know to dress up a little bit for girls.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

PyramidSmasher said:


> Yeah, I know to dress up a little bit for girls.



It's more about the way in which you carry yourself, rather than the clothes on your back. Looking good helps, but be confident in yourself and don't put her on a pedestal. The only way that a girl is out of any guy's league is if he tells himself that she is.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

JeffFromMtl said:


> It's more about the way in which you carry yourself, rather than the clothes on your back. Looking good helps, but be confident in yourself and don't put her on a pedestal. The only way that a girl is out of any guy's league is if he tells himself that she is.



How do I avoid putting her on a pedestal?


----------



## JeffFromMtl

PyramidSmasher said:


> How do I avoid putting her on a pedestal?



Regardless of who she is, and what she looks like, look at her as an equal, because she's just some fucking girl. Simple as that. Chances are, she's tired of guys being intimidated by her, cuz that's what happens to hot girls. She's just a girl, bro.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

JeffFromMtl said:


> Regardless of who she is, and what she looks like, look at her as an equal, because she's just some fucking girl. Simple as that. Chances are, she's tired of guys being intimidated by her, cuz that's what happens to hot girls. She's just a girl, bro.



Yeah, but my subconscious makes that hard ><


----------



## avenger

Fzau said:


> ALWAYS have condoms with you, that's what I do at least. *No surprise bummers for me.*
> 
> EDIT: doublepost fail
> 
> Ow yeah, I actually met a cool, cute, interesting girl! One minor obstacle in the way though.


That could be taken out of context quite easily...


----------



## soliloquy

avenger said:


> That could be taken out of context quite easily...




i was thinking of this when i read that the first time around

http://cache.bordom.net/server/?typ...3dy52ZXJib3RlbjEuY29tL3BpY2R1bXAvNjYvMjIuanBn


----------



## Fzau

avenger said:


> That could be taken out of context quite easily...


 
My first post in a while, and I get this.. 



vampiregenocide said:


> Ah dude don't be going down that route. As someone whose had his girl stolen from him by another guy recently, its a dick move to do and best to just wait on her. If she wants to leave him then go for it, but don't lead her to it.


 
I'm definately not the kind of guy who would get all pushy and proving that the girl needs to dump her BF and stuff. But things aren't going that well between them I heard. She seems to be interested (still in it's early stages see) so I don't see why I shouldn't give it a shot and see how things turn out. If she choses me, awesome, if not, bummer (and I rarely really find it a bummer). 

I know how you feel though. My ex was cheating on me for a month, confessed it and dumped me for the guy she was cheating me with. Sucks. But like I said, I'm not going to push anything. If she choses me, though luck for the dude.


----------



## SAWitall

i just go for sugar mommas haha if shes lining your pockets with sweet stuff who gives a %^&$ what she looks like


i got a girl whos getting me inked up for 200, i got it in writing


----------



## JohnIce

BrainArt said:


> You obviously haven't been reading JohnIce's posts. As he's said a few times: "No girl is out of your league, you're out of their league". At least, I think that's how it goes.


 
Son... I be proud of ye! 

 Surprise condomlessness can be a good thing though... you immediately get down on the lady, give her 3-4 orgasms, and then if she's anywhere decent morally she'll have to give you something in return regardless of whether she likes doing that or not  The great thing about making the woman come before you do is that as soon as you're done you're free to go to sleep.


----------



## metal_sam14

JohnIce said:


> Son... I be proud of ye!
> 
> Surprise condomlessness can be a good thing though... you immediately get down on the lady, give her 3-4 orgasms, and then if she's anywhere decent morally she'll have to give you something in return regardless of whether she likes doing that or not  The great thing about making the woman come before you do is that as soon as you're done you're free to go to sleep.



This man speaks the truth


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Going to a haunted house Friday with a hot girl who I really like but dont know that well yet... She's open minded, but not into metal, so I'm obviously not gonna be talking about metal and shit. Any tips on making this smooth?


----------



## MFB

PyramidSmasher said:


> Going to a haunted house Friday with a hot girl who I really like but dont know that well yet... She's open minded, but not into metal, so I'm obviously not gonna be talking about metal and shit. Any tips on making this smooth?



"Hey baby, you wanna get in time with me? I'll show you all the way you can play in 4/4"


----------



## Asrial

PyramidSmasher said:


> Going to a haunted house Friday with a hot girl who I really like but dont know that well yet... She's open minded, but not into metal, so I'm obviously not gonna be talking about metal and shit. Any tips on making this smooth?


Try to speak about some more mainstream metal if you actually stumble across that topic.
Linkin park (focus on early material tho!), Metallica, BFMV, KSE, SlipKnoT and other.
Else, just chat about randomness. 

And fuckit, I'm grabbin' a pack later this week. ^^


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Yo, Im having second thoughts about it, she seems like kind of a shallow teenage girl... ALOT.


----------



## SAWitall

yes no lady is out of your league. preening in front of the mirror to look perfect is what she does; and even with the dimes what they expect from you is that you will have g.a.m.e

grasp
attitude
moves(swagger)
enigma


thankfully for guys this is a learned skill. if you can shred a guitar learning to please a women isn't hard. 

cocky funny cocky funny...works wonders


----------



## scottro202

SO...

This girl who I've been talking to a bit lately, was coming on to me pretty hard at homecoming a couple weeks ago, and just generally seeming to be interested in me, even if a little bit. She even called me her "date" at homecoming, even though we didn't go together. Also, when I gave her a ride home today, I gave other people rides, too. And I blatantly missed turns so I could make sure she was the last to be dropped off, and she didn't seem to care, although she pointed out I missed the turn. 

Well, she texted me when I got home, and the texting convo went like this. (She's Ryann)

Ryann: My mom really likes you
Me(Scotty): Nice! Glad to know I gave a good impression haha
R: Yeah and she keeps asking me if i like you and to be honest i dont but im just wondering if you like me...?
Me: Nah. I mean I do as a friend, but not like that.
R: Okay just makin sure

So, of course, my initial thought is "Damnit. Struck out". Then I told my friend about this, she said she pulled this on the guy who would become her boyfriend, so there's hope. I'm thinking "wtf is this shit????"

I was gonna ask her out tomorrow... That ain't happenin. And I did the punctuation correctly on all those texts, for those of you wondering.

ALSO, this is a high school girl here. 15, to be exact. So she may be trying to fuck with me, as apparently teenage girls like to do that.

So, ss.org, I ask you:


----------



## vampiregenocide

She's trying to see whether you'll persue you, whether you're really interested. She wouldn't bring that up if she wasn't a bit interested I don't think. Girls (particularly teenage ones) are retarded and like to fuck guys about to see how they work, because then they have more control when a proper relationship ensues.

How old are you?


----------



## scottro202

vampiregenocide said:


> She's trying to see whether you'll persue you, whether you're really interested. She wouldn't bring that up if she wasn't a bit interested I don't think. Girls (particularly teenage ones) are retarded and like to fuck guys about to see how they work, because then they have more control when a proper relationship ensues.
> 
> How old are you?



16


----------



## vampiregenocide

scottro202 said:


> 16


 
Ah fair dooze age gap ain't too bad then. Yeah see how it goes man make it obvious you like her, but at the same time don't be to full on about it cos it seems like this girl wants to test you and sometimes its good to test her back. It makes you seem complex and women dig that shit. Of course, she's also 15 and its a well known fact that all 15 year old girls are fucking mental.


----------



## Despised_0515

Broke it off with the girl from my last post last week. Hanging with my friends ensued almost immediately and I haven't felt better. Saw my 4 closest friends all within a matter of 3 days this past weekend and that's almost enough to make the universe implode with their schedules.

Life is good.


----------



## leandroab

scottro202 said:


> SO...
> 
> This girl who I've been talking to a bit lately, was coming on to me pretty hard at homecoming a couple weeks ago, and just generally seeming to be interested in me, even if a little bit. She even called me her "date" at homecoming, even though we didn't go together. Also, when I gave her a ride home today, I gave other people rides, too. And I blatantly missed turns so I could make sure she was the last to be dropped off, and she didn't seem to care, although she pointed out I missed the turn.
> 
> Well, she texted me when I got home, and the texting convo went like this. (She's Ryann)
> 
> Ryann: My mom really likes you
> Me(Scotty): Nice! Glad to know I gave a good impression haha
> R: Yeah and she keeps asking me if i like you and to be honest i dont but im just wondering if you like me...?
> Me: Nah. I mean I do as a friend, but not like that.
> R: Okay just makin sure
> 
> So, of course, my initial thought is "Damnit. Struck out". Then I told my friend about this, she said she pulled this on the guy who would become her boyfriend, so there's hope. I'm thinking "wtf is this shit????"
> 
> I was gonna ask her out tomorrow... That ain't happenin. And I did the punctuation correctly on all those texts, for those of you wondering.
> 
> ALSO, this is a high school girl here. 15, to be exact. So she may be trying to fuck with me, as apparently teenage girls like to do that.
> 
> So, ss.org, I ask you:




@2:14s

I call this "Double bullshit, nice tits..."


----------



## beefshoes

Too busy with school, soccer, and music for a relationship :/
Not really a bad thing though I suppose.


----------



## scottro202

So, I have a date with Ryann Saturday. I told her "Yeah, that's too bad, I was gonna ask you out."

She said "Yeah, I've been thinking of you, and was wondering what it'd be like if we went out on a date and weren't "going out" How does that sound?" I said "ok"


----------



## Randy

Playing it cool. I like that.


----------



## BrainArt

scottro202 said:


> So, I have a date with Ryann Saturday. I told her "Yeah, that's too bad, I was gonna ask you out."
> 
> She said "Yeah, I've been thinking of you, and was wondering what it'd be like if we went out on a date and weren't "going out" How does that sound?" I said "ok"



You know what to do next, Scott.  Show her what 14/ is all about!


----------



## MFB

14/ all up in her business


----------



## Asrial

Congrats ^^ Just wait and see what's going to happen, and you might get lucky... (y)


----------



## leandroab

14/ ?

it this the new :golf: ?


What the :golf: ?


----------



## BrainArt

leandroab said:


> 14/ ?
> 
> it this the new :golf: ?
> 
> 
> What the :golf: ?



It's only the coolest time sig ever! 



On-Topic: Good luck, Scott!


----------



## scottro202

Thanks guys, I'm confident it'll go pretty well. I learned a very valuable lesson. Teenage girls RARELY say what they mean and mean what they say. 

Also, she'll be at my bands gig tonight, and her fave song of ours was written by yours truly  Coincidence? I think not. Wait, maybe. Who knows. Either way, things are going well in Scottyworld  

Also, she likes ska. Figured I'd throw that out there.


----------



## soliloquy

my girlfriends EX is pissing me off...but then again, since he is the EX, obviously it will piss me off.

so, long story short, about 3 years ago, she found out that he was cheating on her, so she broke up with him. she met me 2 and a half years ago, and we started dating shortly there after. 

ever since we started going out, this guy just wont stop begging her to come back to her. for the first two years, i said nothing, and said that he came into her life before me, so i really have no right to drive him out. she has to do it if she wants. but then it started eating at me, coz everytime he contacted her, she ended up being in tears. again, i said that the ball is in her court. i'll only step in if she asks for me to, but i have confident in her to do what she likes. he went out with a few girls during this time, but broke it off shortly and came back to my girl, begging her to come back

he kept begging her to cheat on me as well. and she kept saying no. 

he crossed the line recently when he texted her some lyrics to some song, and with inception, he made her feel like a whore, and he made her question herself and made her deteriorate from within. (he's very manipulative and 'great' with words). i finally stepped in, saying dont you dare talk to him ever again if he. she agreed, and that was the end of that.

however, he contacted her again a few days after, apologizing, saying he didn't mean to, blah blah blah, and that he met a new girl, and is over my girlfriend now. and he wants to make it up to her by taking her out. she agreed. 

she asked me if its okay to see him. meaning, she completely disregarding me telling her not to see him, or talk to him, or have any contact with him. i'm giving her another chance, so i said fine, and told her to be careful coz i really dont trust the guy.

i decided to pick her up after they were done. i saw him for the first time tonight. i shook his hand, but didn't say anything to him for the ten minutes we were there. on the way back to me dropping her home, she was so shocked that i was that rude to him(i have a reputation of being super nice, kind, and easy going with EVERYONE). and i think now shes giving me silent treatment. 

i'm no feminist. but guys like him piss me off. guys that cant respect women. guys that cant take no for an answer. guys that are so pushy and persistent. guys that are skewing the meaning of what she said to their advantage, and manipulate them. and i hate ANYONE that hurts my friends, or family, or makes them cry. i told her all that, and i still seem like the bad guy.

not only is he driving me insane, but shes driving me insane...i really love her, and wanna work with her, but shes pushing me over the edge.


----------



## TreWatson

my romantic life died.

most recent ex wants me back.

i'm not attracted to her anymore.

:|

this is lame.


----------



## leandroab

TreWatson said:


> my romantic life died.
> 
> most recent ex wants me back.
> 
> i'm not attracted to her anymore.
> 
> :|
> 
> this is lame.



At least you have something...

:/


----------



## vampiregenocide

I should've turned gay by now. I guess I'm really scared of penis.


----------



## SAWitall

haha. girls. 

NEVER EVER make sound decisions or mean what they say. ever try planning a party with a gang of em? it all falls apart under a wave of half assed plans


----------



## Despised_0515

TreWatson said:


> my romantic life died.
> 
> most recent ex wants me back.
> 
> i'm not attracted to her anymore.
> 
> :|
> 
> this is lame.



Hang with your friends and play guitar. Things will lighten up.



leandroab said:


> At least you have something...
> 
> :/



Not having a girl doesn't mean you have "nothing". It's really not worth getting back into a mess with an ex anyways. Trust me. I've gone back to ex's about 3 or 4 times before learning that it always ends up worse no matter how casual you try to make things.

As stated, hang with friends, don't even stress girls, they'll come naturally.


----------



## scottro202

scottro202 said:


> SO...
> 
> This girl who I've been talking to a bit lately, was coming on to me pretty hard at homecoming a couple weeks ago, and just generally seeming to be interested in me, even if a little bit. She even called me her "date" at homecoming, even though we didn't go together. Also, when I gave her a ride home today, I gave other people rides, too. And I blatantly missed turns so I could make sure she was the last to be dropped off, and she didn't seem to care, although she pointed out I missed the turn.
> 
> Well, she texted me when I got home, and the texting convo went like this. (She's Ryann)
> 
> Ryann: My mom really likes you
> Me(Scotty): Nice! Glad to know I gave a good impression haha
> R: Yeah and she keeps asking me if i like you and to be honest i dont but im just wondering if you like me...?
> Me: Nah. I mean I do as a friend, but not like that.
> R: Okay just makin sure
> 
> So, of course, my initial thought is "Damnit. Struck out". Then I told my friend about this, she said she pulled this on the guy who would become her boyfriend, so there's hope. I'm thinking "wtf is this shit????"
> 
> I was gonna ask her out tomorrow... That ain't happenin. And I did the punctuation correctly on all those texts, for those of you wondering.
> 
> ALSO, this is a high school girl here. 15, to be exact. So she may be trying to fuck with me, as apparently teenage girls like to do that.
> 
> So, ss.org, I ask you:





scottro202 said:


> So, I have a date with Ryann Saturday. I told her "Yeah, that's too bad, I was gonna ask you out."
> 
> She said "Yeah, I've been thinking of you, and was wondering what it'd be like if we went out on a date and weren't "going out" How does that sound?" I said "ok"



So, here's what's up. 

So, date with Ryann went really well. We both had a good time, everything seemed to go well. Then I took her to a party we were going to (my band was playing it). That's when everything started to go down hill.

To start off the party, she decided to drink a whole bottle of Dayquil, and trip on it. Then, she kissed another guy. But since she was tripping balls, I figured it wasn't that big a deal, especially since we weren't together technically or anything. 

Then, I took her home. She told me in the car she kissed the guy, that it was weird, and she didn't mean to dis me or anything by it. I didn't really care, we're not together, so no harm done I figure. I walked her up to her doorstep, and I kissed her. (< first time kissing a girl). She giggled, then she went inside.

At this point, I'm all   because I finally kissed a girl. 

THEN, about an hour later, she sends me a text saying "Hey I had fun today but I don't really like you like that..." I'm like:






A friend of hers told me she liked me before the date. She said I was "special", and when I wouldn't tell her what we were doing she said "I don't like surprises but I'll make an exception for you." Now, she's saying she doesn't like me like that. And she was smiling most of the date. And she told seemingly everybody about the date, my drummer heard about it when he already knew. 

Could the kiss have messed anything up? I feel like if she liked me before the date, the kiss couldn't hurt anything. Is she trying to mess with me (AGAIN???)???


----------



## leandroab

scottro202 said:


> So, here's what's up.
> 
> So, date with Ryann went really well. We both had a good time, everything seemed to go well. Then I took her to a party we were going to (my band was playing it). That's when everything started to go down hill.
> 
> To start off the party, she decided to drink a whole bottle of Dayquil, and trip on it. Then, she kissed another guy. But since she was tripping balls, I figured it wasn't that big a deal, especially since we weren't together technically or anything.
> 
> Then, I took her home. She told me in the car she kissed the guy, that it was weird, and she didn't mean to dis me or anything by it. I didn't really care, we're not together, so no harm done I figure. I walked her up to her doorstep, and I kissed her. (< first time kissing a girl). She giggled, then she went inside.
> 
> At this point, I'm all   because I finally kissed a girl.
> 
> THEN, about an hour later, she sends me a text saying "Hey I had fun today but I don't really like you like that..." I'm like:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> A friend of hers told me she liked me before the date. She said I was "special", and when I wouldn't tell her what we were doing she said "I don't like surprises but I'll make an exception for you." Now, she's saying she doesn't like me like that. And she was smiling most of the date. And she told seemingly everybody about the date, my drummer heard about it when he already knew.
> 
> Could the kiss have messed anything up? I feel like if she liked me before the date, the kiss couldn't hurt anything. Is she trying to mess with me (AGAIN???)???



Ahh I hate this kind of bullshit...

I'm most positively sure that she likes you, but is still trying to play this stupid "candy ass" game women like to. Or she was probably afraid that you might think she's a slut or whatever...

And this:





Is my favorite image right now...


----------



## MFB

Went to a party last night and got pretty man-handled by this chick, and I felt wicked bad cause she had a boyfriend who wasn't there. No way in hell was I gonna get a reputation as "Chick Stealer" during my first visit to another college  I kept it in my pants, and eventually her boyfriend showed up and she peaced the fuck out for the rest of the night.


----------



## Justin Bailey

ended up cracking after a month and sent her a letter. Obviously didn't do any good. Shes crazy if she thinks she can go through life without getting dumped once, this new guy will hopefully dump her ass. After a month of trying to let go, trying to hate her, trying to forget, working on myself, finding who I am, who I want to be and where I want to go... I still have these fucking feelings. I still want her back, despite her pulling some serious bullshit moves, I still contect so many things to her, I walk around my house and I have these visions almost. I see us. I know it takes time, and I've been here before, but it was never like this. 5 years, a quarter of my entire life. I'm curious to see where I go next, and where this road takes me, but at the end of the day my mind will always come back to love. I'm not the kind of guy that can just go date people, and fuck around, I kind of wish I was, but thats just not how I work. I need more booze.


----------



## metal_sam14

Well fella's, just got home, its 8:30am and I haven't slept a wink. ended up at this awesome girls house, we stayed up for 8 hours talking about everything, plus made out a bit with romantic interest inclined  seems to be going great, time will tell if this will work out, I am hopeful though


----------



## vampiregenocide

Saw a pic of my recent ex kissing her new guy, I now feel like absolute shit. I need to go fuck some bitches until I start bleeding.


----------



## Randy

vampiregenocide said:


> I need to go fuck some bitches until I start bleeding.



Probably won't help much, but more power to ya'. 

Yeah, that shit stings nasty though.


----------



## Randy

MFB said:


> Went to a party last night and got pretty man-handled by this chick, and I felt wicked bad cause she had a boyfriend who wasn't there. No way in hell was I gonna get a reputation as "Chick Stealer" during my first visit to another college  I kept it in my pants, and eventually her boyfriend showed up and she peaced the fuck out for the rest of the night.



Good man.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Randy said:


> Probably won't help much, but more power to ya'.
> 
> Yeah, that shit stings nasty though.


 
Probably not man, but I need to do something.


----------



## Joeywilson

vampiregenocide said:


> Saw a pic of my recent ex kissing her new guy, I now feel like absolute shit. I need to go fuck some bitches until I start bleeding.



That sucks man


----------



## renzoip

So here is a little update on my situation:

A couple weeks ago, I got a call from this girl who I went to high school with and had not seen in 6 years, she just moved back from abroad. When I went to see her, I was pleased to see that she was not only still really cool but also looked a lot better than she did back then. Also, she seemed to be into me.

Well, we've been hanging out a lot and I noticed that she was very affectionate with me; my interest in her started growing as well. Last week she invited me to go spend halloween with her in Orlando. We were hanging out the night before the trip and she asked if I wanted to sleep over her place. Of course I say yes; at the rate things were going, I was feeling lucky. She was being very flirty with me and very affectionate with me as I was being with her.

But then, she had us sleeping in different beds and would not go along with the flow of things any further - Not cool. The trip was fun and she kept being very touchy feeling and flirty with me. And since we would be sleeping in the same hotel bed I was thinking "if this does not do it, then nothing else will." Turns out that it did not do it, she was totally indisposed to any further advance (even a kiss) despite her previous behavior. 

On the way back we started talking about relationships and she told me she wasn't over the last person that dumped her. However, she also mentioned that she was planing on dating this other dude before moving here and still thinks it may work out; he coming to visit her next month.


So my conclusion is the following: 







Any advice on this situation?? 

Right now I'm thinking of just keeping distance from her and move on. I really don't wanna be a cuddle bitch or be put in friend zone. I do like the girl and I'm sure she must like me but I can't torture myself by spending so much time with someone who when the attraction level seems to be so disproportionate.


----------



## wannabguitarist

renzoip said:


> Right now I'm thinking of just keeping distance from her and move on. I really don't wanna be a cuddle bitch or be put in friend zone. I do like the girl and I'm sure she must like me but I can't torture myself by spending so much time with someone who when the attraction level seems to be so disproportionate.



This is the way to go honestly; I've gone down that path before (pretty sure I have a post in this thread with a similar story ) and it never really works out. Just think of it as a fun trip with a friend.



SAWitall said:


> haha. girls.
> 
> NEVER EVER make sound decisions or mean what they say. ever try planning a party with a gang of em? it all falls apart under a wave of half assed plans



Sounds like you don't know any decent girls, or none of them are that interested in hanging out with you



Despised_0515 said:


> As stated, hang with friends, don't even stress girls, they'll come naturally.



 I wish I did this more when I was younger. The quality of the women tend to be better too when you just sit back and go with the flow instead of being in the desperate hung for sex/relationships


----------



## Cadavuh

I have a girlfriend of 2 years. I want to fuck other hot women. What to do ss.org?


----------



## SAWitall

wannabguitarist said:


> This is the way to go honestly; I've gone down that path before (pretty sure I have a post in this thread with a similar story ) and it never really works out. Just think of it as a fun trip with a friend.
> 
> 
> 
> Sounds like you don't know any decent girls, or none of them are that interested in hanging out with you
> 
> 
> 
> I wish I did this more when I was younger. The quality of the women tend to be better too when you just sit back and go with the flow instead of being in the desperate hung for sex/relationships



even decent girls are flighty as fuck. just my experience with woman in general...even my sister and mother cant make up there minds worth a shit.  oh and yup. just sit back relax and they come to you


----------



## SAWitall

vampiregenocide said:


> Saw a pic of my recent ex kissing her new guy, I now feel like absolute shit. I need to go fuck some bitches until I start bleeding.



ooohhh oww....that always hurts like a bitch. this is why you block a chick you break up with on facebook/myspace/etc..


----------



## Varcolac

Cadavuh said:


> I have a girlfriend of 2 years. I want to fuck other hot women. What to do ss.org?



Convince her to join in. If you succeed, do let me know how: I've been trying to convince mine for ages and the closest I've got is "sure, but only if we can do it with another dude first."


----------



## vampiregenocide

SAWitall said:


> ooohhh oww....that always hurts like a bitch. this is why you block a chick you break up with on facebook/myspace/etc..


 
Yeah she's blocked.


----------



## scottro202

Well, yesterday I called her on a whim to see wtf was going on. Turns out she really doesn't like me like that


----------



## Justin Bailey

women are cunts, they can all rot in hell, with my fuckin liver.


----------



## Asrial

Justin Bailey said:


> women are cunts, they can all rot in hell, with my fuckin liver.


Well, those you know, possibly, but many of them I know are pretty sweet, not to mention my girlfriend is still fucking epic.


----------



## Despised_0515

I'm sorry but I _just_ noticed all the John Ice tags. 




MFB said:


> Went to a party last night and got pretty man-handled by this chick, and I felt wicked bad cause she had a boyfriend who wasn't there. No way in hell was I gonna get a reputation as "Chick Stealer" during my first visit to another college  I kept it in my pants, and eventually her boyfriend showed up and she peaced the fuck out for the rest of the night.



Had a similar experience at the party I went to this past weekend. These two sisters were getting way too close while the older sister just had to repeatedly mention her extreme crush on me when we went to school together... to top it off, both of their boyfriends were only feet away. I can't count how many times I had to take the younger sister's hand off my thigh and disregard the older sister's "I want you" glare altogether.

I never hit up chicks when I'm drunk let alone taken ones.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

This weekend, I shot myself in the foot. I met a really hot girl at a party, we really hit it off, and when she left, she asked me to hit her up on facebook later on. Cool. Then I proceeded to drink my face off and found myself waking up beside my friend's roommate the next morning. Well, as it turns out, roommate girl is apparently good friends with said hot girl. Knowing how most women are, that doesn't really bode well for me


----------



## Goatchrist

Justin Bailey said:


> women are cunts, they can all rot in hell, with my fuckin liver.



Hell yes! You just sum up the meaning of life pretty well.

Too bad i'm addicted. Next time I meet a nice girl, I try not to fall in love.. that should help alot.


----------



## Randy

JeffFromMtl said:


> This weekend, I shot myself in the foot. I met a really hot girl at a party, we really hit it off, and when she left, she asked me to hit her up on facebook later on. Cool. Then I proceeded to drink my face off and found myself waking up beside my friend's roommate the next morning. Well, as it turns out, roommate girl is apparently good friends with said hot girl. Knowing how most women are, that doesn't really bode well for me



You know that old adage about thinking with your brain and not your dick? Yeah, that.


----------



## liamh

John Ice; he's listening


----------



## caughtinamosh

JeffFromMtl said:


> This weekend, I shot myself in the foot. I met a really hot girl at a party, we really hit it off, and when she left, she asked me to hit her up on facebook later on. Cool. Then I proceeded to drink my face off and found myself waking up beside my friend's roommate the next morning. Well, as it turns out, roommate girl is apparently good friends with said hot girl. Knowing how most women are, that doesn't really bode well for me


 
Fail, sir.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Randy said:


> You know that old adage about thinking with your brain and not your dick? Yeah, that.



Yeah, I know, and I've been great at not fucking up things like this my whole life, I don't even know what had gotten into me. It was just a stupid week. First an ex earlier in the week, and then this friend's roommate, who clearly likes me. I'm usually a little more level-headed, it was very uncharacteristic, to say the least. I do know, though, that the stupidity is out of my system. I sat myself down and had a heart-to-heart 

EDIT: At least, on the bright side, both girls were fully aware before our "encounters", that I'm keeping things casual, so I don't have to worry about them chasing me. I just have to cross my fingers and hope that roommate girl says nothing to hot girl.


----------



## wannabguitarist

JeffFromMtl said:


> Yeah, I know, and I've been great at not fucking up things like this my whole life, I don't even know what had gotten into me. It was just a stupid week. First an ex earlier in the week, and then this friend's roommate, who clearly likes me. I'm usually a little more level-headed, it was very uncharacteristic, to say the least. I do know, though, that the stupidity is out of my system. I sat myself down and had a heart-to-heart



Hit her up anyways and pretend to be oblivious. There is a chance she may overlook the fact that you slept with your friend because she found you interesting/attractive 

Seriously though; at this point what do you have to lose?


----------



## JeffFromMtl

wannabguitarist said:


> Hit her up anyways and pretend to be oblivious. There is a chance she may overlook the fact that you slept with your friend because she found you interesting/attractive
> 
> Seriously though; at this point what do you have to lose?



Yeah, there's still the chance that roommate girl doesn't say anything to hot girl too, which would be the best possible scenario.

But I hear what you're saying. I'm still gonna go for it. It's not like me to jump ship, especially when the girl I'm after is as hot as hot girl is. Hopefully if/when she finds out that I've been humping things like a frat boy all week, she'll have already gotten to know me well enough to let it slide, cuz in all honesty, I'm not a sleazy guy!


----------



## red1010

Act like you don't care. Because you shouldn't! You already said he was a nerd so you have no worries. She is an actor. Actors kiss other actors. Just remember who is bringing her home my friend. That man is you.


----------



## leandroab

I love this thread.

I also love the fact that it has been 2 months that I don't get any pussy.


----------



## vampiregenocide

leandroab said:


> I love this thread.
> 
> I also love the fact that it has been 2 months that I don't get any pussy.


 

 2 months? Fuck man, I may have had a girlfriend briefly but she didn't exactly 'put out'.


----------



## Despised_0515

I'll admit, I go a little crazy after about 6 months which I think was my only lengthy streak. That's just me being a shark though. There's definitely gonna be blood in the water with my birthday party rolling around.


----------



## Justin Bailey

Asrial said:


> Well, those you know, possibly, but many of them I know are pretty sweet, not to mention my girlfriend is still fucking epic.



She'll fuck you over sooner or later they always fucking do.



Goatchrist said:


> Hell yes! You just sum up the meaning of life pretty well.
> 
> Too bad i'm addicted. Next time I meet a nice girl, I try not to fall in love.. that should help alot.



Thats the bad thing, I'm addicted to being in love, and going without has been fucking hellish. So I replaced it with booze, and now I'm on a downward spiral.


----------



## caughtinamosh

*CIAM cannot wait until the weekend.


----------



## _detox

Justin Bailey said:


> She'll fuck you over sooner or later they always fucking do.
> 
> 
> 
> Thats the bad thing, I'm addicted to being in love, and going without has been fucking hellish. So I replaced it with booze, and now I'm on a downward spiral.



-1 to everything in this post.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

dude, Justin. i gotta say, ive watched NO ONE reply to most of your posts, and i kinda feel its because youre doing it terribly wrong and sketching people out with your comments, man. you should probably take some time away from girls completely until you dont resent them all for what ONE girl did to you. trust me, its easy to blame your bad relationship/s on all women, but youve got to realize that theyre two person operations and you probably had something to do with the way things ended up. take some time away from women until you have a healthy perspective on them again, and then when you arent looking for one, a pretty damn good lady will likely just drop in your lap. seems good things come when you arent looking for them, y'know? good luck man, and dont take any offense to what i say, just trying to help a brotha out


----------



## MFB

He's usually SUPER drunk when he writes them that negatively


----------



## Asrial

I'm just thinking he's doing the same thing as when women adresses males as über retards and douchebags...


----------



## Justin Bailey

glassmoon0fo said:


> dude, Justin. i gotta say, ive watched NO ONE reply to most of your posts, and i kinda feel its because youre doing it terribly wrong and sketching people out with your comments, man. you should probably take some time away from girls completely until you dont resent them all for what ONE girl did to you. trust me, its easy to blame your bad relationship/s on all women, but youve got to realize that theyre two person operations and you probably had something to do with the way things ended up. take some time away from women until you have a healthy perspective on them again, and then when you arent looking for one, a pretty damn good lady will likely just drop in your lap. seems good things come when you arent looking for them, y'know? good luck man, and dont take any offense to what i say, just trying to help a brotha out





MFB said:


> He's usually SUPER drunk when he writes them that negatively





Asrial said:


> I'm just thinking he's doing the same thing as when women adresses males as über retards and douchebags...



Yeah it's either 90% jest or 100% rum.


----------



## avenger

I am at rage level maximum right now! This maybe abit of a rant/vent I warn you!

So I take my ex out for lunch on her birthday, get her an awesome gift, take her shopping to her favourite store, take her for some ice cream after all this because I know she has been down lately and she wouldnt get to see her new guy on her birthday and she would be lonely having no one to take her out. So once again I step in as the goddamn hero nice guy, take her out cheer her up we had a great time as friends and I actually thought we could have a relationship as normal friends.

And NOW OF COURSE NOW she is being kindof a bitch to me. Taking little shots at me the way girls do, finding anything wrong with our previous relation etc. etc. So I called her out and she was all omg I am sorry you are a great guy I know blah blah blah. So we are friends and I am cool with that I just cant help thinking that I am the fall guy if that makes sense. I dont really mind being that because I care about people and have a hard time watching people suffer even if they deserve it.

Do I continue being me if I feel abit used?


----------



## Despised_0515

Just back up a bit dude. It ain't worth it. As much as you wanna be there for you, she's not respecting that and she'll just continue to be all "omg you're so sweet" when she just needs someone around.

A pretty recent ex pulled just about everything you described and we still have our times of on and off talking to each other but I can't say we can really ever be friends. It's this same ol' tug of war crap and she only comes to me when she's down but never really appreciates any of it so I keep my distance even in mildly being there for her.

Added emotional space makes it that much easier to keep your cool man. I know I let my guard down when I'm there for her and it results in some pretty low blows sometimes. Just take it easy man.


----------



## avenger

Despised_0515 said:


> Just back up a bit dude. It ain't worth it. As much as you wanna be there for you, she's not respecting that and she'll just continue to be all "omg you're so sweet" when she just needs someone around.
> 
> A pretty recent ex pulled just about everything you described and we still have our times of on and off talking to each other but I can't say we can really ever be friends. It's this same ol' tug of war crap and she only comes to me when she's down but never really appreciates any of it so I keep my distance even in mildly being there for her.
> 
> Added emotional space makes it that much easier to keep your cool man. I know I let my guard down when I'm there for her and it results in some pretty low blows sometimes. Just take it easy man.


Yeah thats what I have been doing up until this point. Its not like I want her back or anything crazy like that but I don't mind if she wants to keep in touch or be friends.

Thanks for the advice. Now back to trolling the streets for the freaky girls! Oh accents work too!


----------



## RaceCar

avenger said:


> Yeah thats what I have been doing up until this point. Its not like I want her back or anything crazy like that but I don't mind if she wants to keep in touch or be friends.
> 
> Thanks for the advice. Now back to trolling the streets for the freaky girls! Oh accents work too!




I here you. I am in the same boat. If my ex (of 4 years) needs help or wants to hang out or needs someone to talk to, i am there for her, _*sometimes. *_ 

Not always.

You don't have to be there, always. that's what her current bf is for.


----------



## avenger

RaceCar said:


> I here you. I am in the same boat. If my ex (of 4 years) needs help or wants to hang out or needs someone to talk to, i am there for her, _*sometimes. *_
> 
> Not always.
> 
> *You don't have to be there, always. that's what her current bf is for.*


No shit eh.


----------



## Bevo

My ex has been stuck in my head for the last 5 years, I went across the country last week for work and had a coffee with her. After that she is just a friend now, we have changed so much its not the same, what a relief!!

For the girls that are needy its hard to walk away without feeling like a dick but I have seen so many relationships which were super long term built on guilt. As hard as it is sometimes you just have to walk away.

My brother in law is like that, he hates her but feels sorry for her and now they have a 6 year old and a mortgage. How do you walk away now?


----------



## metal_sam14

Gentlemen, Just had a very amazing evening with a girl  we are great friends, but going a bit further than that, and its working out just dandy!


----------



## Despised_0515

Take things nice and slow and you've got yourself some win. 
I don't mean that in a "d00d, u gonna smash? lol" way. It could be a successful relationship!


----------



## Justin Bailey

"...hey when I'm down for thanksgiving can I stop by and get my underwear and book? Or would you mail them to me?"

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NO!


----------



## metal_sam14

Despised_0515 said:


> Take things nice and slow and you've got yourself some win.
> I don't mean that in a "d00d, u gonna smash? lol" way. It could be a successful relationship!



haha yeah taking it slow is great, we have an amazing friendship,but we can also enjoy some of the perks from a relationship without actually being in one, its damn near perfect


----------



## metal_sam14

Found out my ex girlfriend cheated on me twice, not fucking happy at all.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Maybe this is sexist, but it seems women are more often serial cheaters than men. I mean I know guys cheat, but it tends to be once and half them time doesn't extend to full intercourse. More often than not I hear of girls having sex multiple times with someone, or just being really slaggy. Thats just what it seems like to me.


----------



## metal_sam14

vampiregenocide said:


> Maybe this is sexist, but it seems women are more often serial cheaters than men. I mean I know guys cheat, but it tends to be once and half them time doesn't extend to full intercourse. More often than not I hear of girls having sex multiple times with someone, or just being really slaggy. Thats just what it seems like to me.



I agree man, that summed up how I feel pretty damn well


----------



## vampiregenocide

I think men respect other people's relationships less than women, but I think women respect their own relationships less than men.


----------



## metal_sam14

vampiregenocide said:


> I think men respect other people's relationships less than women, but I think women respect their own relationships less than men.



or their own satisfaction


----------



## renzoip

vampiregenocide said:


> Maybe this is sexist, but it seems women are more often serial cheaters than men. I mean I know guys cheat, but it tends to be once and half them time doesn't extend to full intercourse. More often than not I hear of girls having sex multiple times with someone, or just being really slaggy. Thats just what it seems like to me.



Maybe, or maybe guys tend to be bad liars.


----------



## darbdavys

vampiregenocide said:


> I think men respect other people's relationships less than women, but I think women respect their own relationships less than men.



Seconded.
It seems that most men are more honest with their partners than women. If I was in a relationship (I don't like superficial relationships - it's either a serious one or a one-night-stand, so no relationship atm ), I couldn't forgive my girlfriend if I found out that she was cheating from someone other than her. And I couldn't lie about not cheating if I was, if you're being honest - then just say it out loud. Otherwise, you're not worth a relationship


----------



## MFB

I miss relationships, but at the same time, I don't give a flying fuck about being in one :/


----------



## vampiregenocide

MFB said:


> I miss relationships, but at the same time, I don't give a flying fuck about being in one :/


 
I miss having someone, but the freedom of being single is nice (Not that I get to enjoy it to its full extent often ).


----------



## Justin Bailey

def miss having a companion, but it's kind of an interesting change of pace to go from never drinking to being drunk as much as I possibly can. But if I had to choose between the crazy bachelor life and the simple "boring" life with a woman, I'd always choose the woman.


----------



## Asrial

Fuck me, my GF broke up with me yesterday... ASS

Oh well, fuck her, not my problem, there's plenty o' other girls to impress, just in the neighborhood!
If not, it's drinking time and time to move to other hunting grounds.


----------



## Justin Bailey

drinking time, sir, drinking time


----------



## sevenstringgod

I'm pretty confused here, and hope you guys can help me out. So there's this girl I really like and I can tell she is into me as well. At first she was really interested, and she was pretty much asking me out and I kinda refused because I wasn't that into her. 

And now I'm the one asking her out and she never refuses, we still never go out because of other things getting in the way according to her, but I still kinda feel she is not that interested anymore. She always looked for me and wanted to be a lot with me at school and now she just hangs out with her friends and it seems she doesn't care if were together or not. 

What confuses me though is that we talk a lot through out the day and she sounds like she really really likes me, my facebook wall is full of posts from her, she even wrote me a letter where she says she likes me a lot etc, and then on person it doesn't feel that way at all. And even though we haven't gone out on a date, she still tells me to go to her house to visit her. Today is her birthday and I'm giving her a present, but I don't know if I should. What I'm basically asking is if I should pull the plug on this or what should I do?


----------



## Nonservium

sevenstringgod said:


> I'm pretty confused here, and hope you guys can help me out. So there's this girl I really like and I can tell she is into me as well. At first she was really interested, and she was pretty much asking me out and I kinda refused because I wasn't that into her.
> 
> And now I'm the one asking her out and she never refuses, we still never go out because of other things getting in the way according to her, but I still kinda feel she is not that interested anymore. She always looked for me and wanted to be a lot with me at school and now she just hangs out with her friends and it seems she doesn't care if were together or not.
> 
> What confuses me though is that we talk a lot through out the day and she sounds like she really really likes me, my facebook wall is full of posts from her, she even wrote me a letter where she says she likes me a lot etc, and then on person it doesn't feel that way at all. And even though we haven't gone out on a date, she still tells me to go to her house to visit her. Today is her birthday and I'm giving her a present, but I don't know if I should. What I'm basically asking is if I should pull the plug on this or what should I do?



The problem here is communication. Have you just straight talked to her about this? I think that's where you should start. I've been with the same woman for goin on 8 years now. The only advice I can give you for any of it is communication. Talk to her. Tell her what you want and ask her what she wants. Don't do it all overbearing or super serious but be upfront. You'd be surprised where that will take you.


----------



## HamBungler

^This.


----------



## sevenstringgod

Nonservium said:


> The problem here is communication. Have you just straight talked to her about this? I think that's where you should start. I've been with the same woman for goin on 8 years now. The only advice I can give you for any of it is communication. Talk to her. Tell her what you want and ask her what she wants. Don't do it all overbearing or super serious but be upfront. You'd be surprised where that will take you.



Thanks, I will try that out. I haven't done that to be honest.


----------



## asmegin_slayer

Sometimes I allow my fiance of 5-6 years to look through my phone to see pictures play angry birds or search the web knowingly fully that there are some stuff in there that she wouldn't like.

Just looked at my iphone stuff (photos/apps) and noticed my FHM app is missing from my phone.

Did a full search with for the app, found to be it was uninstalled.

Looks like its going to be another stupid and endless talk about this shit.


----------



## Randy

Ruh roh.


----------



## Asrial

Justin Bailey said:


> drinking time, sir, drinking time


You have NO idea!
This week is master drinking with the friends; gonna empty my premium vodka and prolly end the misery of my peach-flavoured Absolut-vodka too.
Academy-party the next week. Nuff' said.
Christmas come-together with the old class, rest of the peach-vodka is going down the drain if it is still alive. If not, my bacardi limón is.
2nd christmas come-together, this time with my Capt. Morgan at stake!
Christmas holiday start at the school... Boooooooozeeeee...
New years eve... Goodbye liver 

6 weeks in total with binge-drinking... OH SH-


----------



## Mr Violence

Broke up with my girl tonight. The girl I had issues with a while back in this thread but came back. Tried again, but I just don't feel right. Started treating her bad and realized I shouldn't be a dick just because I'm unhappy.

Broke up with her and she's being cold and indifferent. Feels bad, man. She's gorgeous and didn't do anything wrong. I just didn't feel right. I don't fucking understand feelings man.

I'm done for a while. I'm gonna hit the scene like a JohnIce disciple. Sorry for necro.


----------



## Randy

You and I should split beers and commiserate.


----------



## avenger

Oh yeah after being single for 4 months or so now I can say it is awesome. I have four on the go at once right now, I meet new ones everytime I go out, and I am touring parts of europe with one I met from overseas.

Adventure..check, Women...check, Friends...check, Taking care of myself...check!

If I had known it would be like this just a few months down the road I probaly would have had a celebration drink or ten when my ass got dumped! 

So anyone feeling like shit over a girl right now, hang in there it only gets better!


----------



## MFB

I de-friended the former lady-friend since she's fucking bi-polar and shit and I've got to say - it's a huge weight of my shoulders. We haven't spoken or seen each other in at least 2 weeks, but if I saw her on FB, I always had this feeling she'd message me and try to start shit so I nipped it in the butt. She's still in my phone but it'll be interesting to see how long that stays.

Aside from that, a friend of mine tried to set me up with a friend of hers. I had a feeling I knew the chick she was talking about so I did some creepin' and well, needless to say that wasn't gonna happen. Her FB profile was like a 12 year old's MySpace page, and looking at her didn't improve my feelings on that. Multi-colored hair? Check. Obnoxious jewelery? Check. 

Worst part : she enjoys deathcore and all that shitty music


----------



## caughtinamosh

Randy said:


> You and I should split beers and commiserate.



What's up, Randy?


----------



## Asrial

MFB said:


> Worst part : she enjoys deathcore and all that shitty music


To be honest, deathcore can be good at times. Metalcore too.
Your alarm-lights should flash vigorously though if she likes Attack attack!

On the rail; I've chatted with my ex alittle over MSN, but that's it. I haven't spoken to her face-to-face since that day. But that's going to change (unfortunately?) since one of her good friends really wants to meet me at the college party tomorrow, because she is also a guitarist. 
Almost all of her friends on the college also gives me a death-glare every time we see each other on the halls, except one. She gave up apperently, since we are in the same gym-class. 

But at this very moment, there is none. I'll just wait patiently for one to come, but I do already have a few in sight...


----------



## Soubi7string

girl is pissed at me cause I'm not ready to be engaged
she is now thinkin of breakin up with me
*WHAT THE FLYIN FUCK?!?!?!?!*


----------



## Randy

caughtinamosh said:


> What's up, Randy?



Oh, not much here. Thanks god. 

Just don't like seeing Kyle (Mr. Violence) down, but I'm sure he's doing better now.


----------



## Nonservium

Soubi7string said:


> girl is pissed at me cause I'm not ready to be engaged
> she is now thinkin of breakin up with me
> *WHAT THE FLYIN FUCK?!?!?!?!*



Don't let anyone bully you into anything. Ever. Fuck that shit dude, if that's how she feels you're better off. Shit like that should be mutual, not forced. Tell Soon-to-be-Bridezilla to gtfo, imo.


----------



## leandroab

Nonservium said:


> Don't let anyone bully you into anything. Ever. Fuck that shit dude, if that's how she feels you're better off. Shit like that should be mutual, not forced. Tell Soon-to-be-Bridezilla to gtfo, imo.



...then PIHB.


(_*_)


----------



## vampiregenocide

I really like one of my mates, she's literally the perfect girl for me. She likes zombie films, has a dark sense of humour and is cute as hell. But I don't want to risk our friendship and I'm not sure if she feels the same way. :/


----------



## metal_sam14

vampiregenocide said:


> I really like one of my mates, she's literally the perfect girl for me. She likes zombie films, has a dark sense of humour and is cute as hell. But I don't want to risk our friendship and I'm not sure if she feels the same way. :/



you never know if you dont try!


----------



## vampiregenocide

metal_sam14 said:


> you never know if you dont try!


 
True man, but she's got a lot on her mind atm, kinda confused. We'll see. She said she doesn't like anyone atm, but she's implied she has before, and my other mate said she likes someone. Hmm.


----------



## Nonservium

vampiregenocide said:


> True man, but she's got a lot on her mind atm, kinda confused. We'll see. She said she doesn't like anyone atm, but she's implied she has before, and my other mate said she likes someone. Hmm.



I had a friend like this. I never worked up the nerve to go for it. 3 months before I got married, she called me to congratulate me and tell me how she really felt which exactly the same I did and that she regretted it. It was touching and sad at the same time. I have no idea what would've came of that but I can tell you that I regret not giving it a shot. Moral of the story? Do it. Life is too short man. It really is.


----------



## Fzau

vampiregenocide said:


> True man, but she's got a lot on her mind atm, kinda confused. We'll see. She said she doesn't like anyone atm, but she's implied she has before, and my other mate said she likes someone. Hmm.


 
Don't just go to her and tell her.
Try to approach her differently, a bit more cocky and sexually, without raising any suspicion. If she doesn't see you as that really nice friend but nothing more her reaction should tell you how she feels about you.
If there's no reaction or she ignores it it's a long shot.
Good luck, mate!


----------



## blister7321

@genocide
if you dont go for it youll never know 
ive done that too many times to count
its as bad as the friend zone cuz at least in the FZ you know your screwed 
just ask her to a B.A. zombie filck


----------



## MFB

Invite her over to watch the season finale of "The Walking Dead" next week, provided you guys get AMC/TWD at the same time as us/at all, then bam. Move made.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Fzau said:


> Don't just go to her and tell her.
> Try to approach her differently, a bit more cocky and sexually, without raising any suspicion. If she doesn't see you as that really nice friend but nothing more her reaction should tell you how she feels about you.
> If there's no reaction or she ignores it it's a long shot.
> Good luck, mate!


 
I am pretty cocky and sexual towards her.  Just our friendship is kinda weird in that we joke about that all the time. I think its hard to let her know I like her beyond telling her. And cheers man.

We're gonna hang out at some point, we'll see how things go. Thanks guys.


----------



## Fzau

vampiregenocide said:


> I am pretty cocky and sexual towards her.  Just our friendship is kinda weird in that we joke about that all the time. *I think its hard to let her know I like her beyond telling her*. And cheers man.
> 
> We're gonna hang out at some point, we'll see how things go. Thanks guys.


 
How bout her letting you know she likes you? Maybe try to reflect some things she says that can be seen as sexual or signs of interest back to her and tease/bully her that way? For example: "What the hell? Hey, are you hitting on me?!", be creative, funny and cocky. If her reaction is somewhat positive for you, keep the pressure on! As long as you don't explicitely seek confirmation.

If this doesn't work, either she really has no clue (probably because you've been friends for some time), she doesn't want to confess or she isn't interested in anything more.


----------



## MFB

I think I might be getting myself involved with another chick, the kicker is that she's ALSO from the same class as the other chick I was going for. I haven't talked to the other one in just about 3 weeks, nor have I seen her, but that's not the point.

This class is gonna be my downfall


----------



## anthonyferguson

vampiregenocide said:


> I really like one of my mates, she's literally the perfect girl for me. She likes zombie films, has a dark sense of humour and is cute as hell. But I don't want to risk our friendship and I'm not sure if she feels the same way. :/



Sounds a bit like the situation I'm in, except I'm er... Far more deeply fucked. In the anus. By the friend zone god. 





Kill me now, for the love of shit.


----------



## leandroab

tonywozere said:


> Sounds a bit like the situation I'm in, except I'm er... Far more deeply fucked. In the anus. By the friend zone god.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Kill me now, for the love of shit.




Friend zone anal rape can be unforgiven.


----------



## Kidneythief

Well my girlfriend just broke up with me after 1 year and 3 months. And I feel like shit, I'm crying. and I still love her and it is hard to let go.

She gave me so to say courage to break out of my room and go out and have fun again...hell I change that to LIVE again. She helped me trough so much shit, helped me fight my fear of heights. Took me skating although I strongly refused everytime but then gave in and it was actually fun. Her family was super fun to be around, and very friendly bunch (except her sisters...god I hated them).

I...I don't know.

She told me that she doesn't feel anything now, that it is gone. And that she feels like it is not worth to go on this way because that would be like she would be lieing all the time and she doesn't want to do that. She said that this had been on her mind for some time now, and the only reason this hasn't come up sooner is that she wanted to wait that I finish my thesis. Well thanks...but this doesn't make me feel any better actually.

/rant

I think I'll listen to a lot of nine inch nails from now on again...


----------



## Meatbucket

Well, kinda in the same situation as Kidney.

My relationship was just about 2 years going on. It ended just a couple of days ago. Though I still don't think it's emotionally hit me fully, or maybe it has and my emotions have just shut off.

I used to just shell myself up in my room and be all reclusive playing too many video games for my own good. When I was with her, she'd take me out to do photography and all this stuff, always saying that it will be alright and that I could do anything, now that it's over I feel I'm drifting back into my seclusion even though I don't really want to.

This website really does have everything. All sorts of instrument talk, instrument trades, band/music talk, video games/movies, random stuff, and even relationship advice and therapy. If this place was a real town, I'd live there...if there was more estrogen.


----------



## Kidneythief

Yeah that is what I fear the most, that I will return to my former self again...I hate those times. Luckily I have been going to judo classes lately, so I guess that will help a bit. Other then that I will see what the future will bring. 

But for now a few days of pain is needed I guess.

Oh and on the bright side: You and I don't have to get Christmas presents! ...ok that was lame sorry


----------



## Meatbucket

Kidneythief said:


> Yeah that is what I fear the most, that I will return to my former self again...I hate those times. Luckily I have been going to judo classes lately, so I guess that will help a bit. Other then that I will see what the future will bring.
> 
> But for now a few days of pain is needed I guess.
> 
> Oh and on the bright side: You and I don't have to get Christmas presents! ...ok that was lame sorry


Just have some sort of goal in mind, like what you really want to achieve in this world and make steps toward that, it will help keep your mind active, yet away from grief.


----------



## Cheesebuiscut

[Bitch] So long story short I end up liking one of my friends, work up the balls to send her a poorly written message (Which I've never done before, girls I've gotten have come to me) AANNDD she hasn't responded in 2 days.

I was expecting rejection but goddamn she could have at least dignified it with a response...

We even had such a discussion about how a different friend of ours got asked out by another friend (again expecting to get nowhere) and she didn't have the balls to be honest with him and just kept running away from it like a little girl. 

So basically






This is just another reminder of why I stopped trying to date so long ago. Girls in my damned age group are such kids, even the ones who trot around like they're better than all the other girls who act like they're still in highschool. But when it actually comes to handling something like an adult they run for the hills. Is absolutely pathetic... [/bitch][/bitteroldman]


----------



## metalvince333

allright boys....question here...I feel like shit.. Ive been with my g-f with about a month and a half and I am having a real good time with her and shes an awesome girl to be around...now her famous week has come (again) and when it first came I had a hard time cause we are pretty sexual but she did help me a little (if you know what I mean..) but this time she wont do it and It sucks cause when were doing stuff I always take HER pleasure before mine and thats not negociable,I always go all out... on her side of things now I see that she wont help me out, I asked her why and she just plain doesnt want to...and shes like...I dont give a shit, good night. Am I over reacting cause the way that I am with her is not the same she is with me sexually and It fuckin sucks in my books, I consider myself a good guy, romantic, caring, and could find another lady any day but I got really attached to her and do feel like I actually love her.. the reason why it bothers me so much is that im the kinda guy that will kinda shut off and go my way thinking she will come to see me to talk over stuff but now she told me she wont play that game and we have to talk like adults wich im totally understanding.. but when I did she got like...hey life sucks! and that made me so mad... I walked out and am now on the couch writing this at friggin 3am wondering if I go back to bed with her (she is sleeping like nothing happened and probably waits for me to go back to bed cause im that kinda guy) or leave first thing when busses start running again and wait for her call... what to do boys?


----------



## scottro202

I'm gonna tell you all what Vinnie Paul would tell you guys to do to solve your relationship problems:

Eat more pussy.

This message has been brought to you by Vinnie Paul


----------



## josh pelican

Soubi7string said:


> girl is pissed at me cause I'm not ready to be engaged
> she is now thinkin of breakin up with me
> *WHAT THE FLYIN FUCK?!?!?!?!*



I was seeing this girl for a few weeks and she was pressuring me into asking her out. I kept telling her I wasn't ready. I broke up with a girl of almost two years and two or three little flings that just lasted under a month.

We really liked each other but I didn't want to rush it. One night she got drunk with her family and was freaking out because she would be so perfect and knew she would be better than the others.

She stayed the night, I busted her ass, and the next day she left right away. She said she shouldn't have come over and we stopped talking. Then she started being a complete bitch to me. When I wrote on my friend's fb saying, "You're such a beautiful slut", the girl came on and said, "I know who's the slut in this conversation."

She was being completely immature, especially since she's fucked everyone in the city. 

I have dated some fucking whackjobs. I never ever problems getting girls, I just have problems getting the right ones. Although, the girl I'm seeing now is just beyond amazing, aside from the fact she listens to Drake and Li'l Wayne.


----------



## Cheesebuiscut

metalvince333 said:


> what to do boys?



In my experience every girl I've been with has been a selfish bitch in that respect. You either get used to it or find one who isn't because I doubt she'll change any time soon. 

The shut off thing needs to not happen though, having adult conversations are SOO important and not having them is what *I* just finished bitching about. You have to be willing to not run away and expect her to come chasing after you every time you have a gripe.


----------



## metalvince333

Cheesebuiscut said:


> In my experience every girl I've been with has been a selfish bitch in that respect. You either get used to it or find one who isn't because I doubt she'll change any time soon.
> 
> The shut off thing needs to not happen though, having adult conversations are SOO important and not having them is what *I* just finished bitching about. You have to be willing to not run away and expect her to come chasing after you every time you have a gripe.


yeah true, I did have an adult conversation with her and now....IM SINGLE  I really sucks... she was with the same dude for four years and started dating me pretty much right after him...she told me she wanted to be on her own for a bit cause she hadnt really lived alone and she wanted to get to know herself better...It sucks cause she really could of been the good girl for me but to be honest I think if she cant take what Im offering...thats too fuckin bad for her! like I said, Im caring, romantic and consider myself a good guy so Im pretty confident that Ill find somebody better for me! 

funny fact all my ex's cup size were always going up, I started with an A, then a B, she was a C....now I need a D!


----------



## Meatbucket

metalvince333 said:


> funny fact all my ex's cup size were always going up, I started with an A, then a B, she was a C....now I need a D!


----------



## metalvince333

Meatbucket said:


>



thanks, lyrics were pretty cool! Im starting to feel down and want to get wasted out of my mind tonight...not a good sign..


----------



## Cheesebuiscut

metalvince333 said:


> funny fact all my ex's cup size were always going up, I started with an A, then a B, she was a C....now I need a D!



Sucks but probably for the better in the long run. having tough convos now and reaching an understanding will avoid going through a long ass relationship just to find out that you wasted your time. 

Edit: Woo! Had my talk, feeling fucking amazing right now. Good noodles.


----------



## Cabinet

So there is this absolutely stunning woman named Alexandra from Greece at my dorm. Not only just she manage to look almost perfect, she's very easy to talk to and seems like an all around good person. Half the time talking to her I was in awe because I've never met a girl that seems so...accepting. She's totally unique.
And she's 4 years older than me, I hate being one of the youngest kids here sometimes lol


----------



## Cabinet

Double post...


----------



## metalvince333

dude...age is only a mind thing! I was 16 and dated a 21yrs old hottie! be confident, proud and mature and she'll see that youre not a kid


----------



## avenger

Mmmmmm relationships, so hard to beleive three months ago I was a wreck. Now I am crushing hard on some girl... Qw00t!


----------



## Mr Violence

Gf and I tried it once more. No dice. She broke up with me citing all these things like the fact I've lived in the same spot my whole life and I'm content here. Saying I need to grow up and experience the world as much as she has.

I feel pretty shitty, but I'm not going to let her see it this time around. I'm done. She never brought any of that shit up to me before, and she broke up with me because of it now and I "should've gotten the hints." Fuck you.

Fuck that.


----------



## Meatbucket

Mr Violence said:


> Gf and I tried it once more. No dice. She broke up with me citing all these things like the fact I've lived in the same spot my whole life and I'm content here. Saying I need to grow up and experience the world as much as she has.
> 
> I feel pretty shitty, but I'm not going to let her see it this time around. I'm done. She never brought any of that shit up to me before, and she broke up with me because of it now and I "should've gotten the hints." Fuck you.
> 
> Fuck that.


There's a word that may make you feel better. It's a simple four letter word. "Cunt". Pronounced 'kuhnt'. Now say it slow with me. Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnt.

That is seriously fucked. I'm sorry for that situation dude. I'd fucking buy you some donuts to remedy that shittiness you're feeling.


----------



## avenger

Mr Violence said:


> Gf and I tried it once more. No dice. She broke up with me citing all these things like the fact I've lived in the same spot my whole life and I'm content here. Saying I need to grow up and experience the world as much as she has.
> 
> I feel pretty shitty, but I'm not going to let her see it this time around. I'm done. She never brought any of that shit up to me before, and she broke up with me because of it now and I "should've gotten the hints." Fuck you.
> 
> Fuck that.


 Fuck that indeed. You can do better.


----------



## leandroab

forever alone


----------



## InTheRavensName

...This thread is far too >:C for my liking. 

My girlfriend is a badass!

(ITRN is now in possession of a ticket to see Manowar on March 27th. Fuck. Yes.)

The way to a man's heart seems to be through four other men, clad in leather and baby oil. Funny that :'D


----------



## Varcolac

InTheRavensName said:


> ...This thread is far too >:C for my liking.
> 
> My girlfriend is a badass!
> 
> (ITRN is now in possession of a ticket to see Manowar on March 27th. Fuck. Yes.)
> 
> The way to a man's heart seems to be through four other men, clad in leather and baby oil. Funny that :'D



Fuck yeah, my girlfriend loves Manowar too. 

Brb, holding my head up high, raising my fist into the air, and playing metal. Louder than hell? *Louder than hell!*


----------



## InTheRavensName

I'm going to try walking up to every single fucker in there, tap him on the shoulder, and say...

'...and the guy beside me, gave me a beer!'

Worked a few times at Bloodstock!


----------



## davidmaximmicic

Sorry guys, but I've just singed up for seven string... didn't mean to spam anyone..
take care...
Dave


----------



## PyramidSmasher

I liked this girl, and one day after a party we were at, she asked if her and her friend could get a ride home. Then they asked if they could hang with me so blah blah blah I end up hanging out for 8 hours (basically they slept over minus sleeping), and then we talk quite a bit and do the fucking "FB marriage" thing girls think is so cute. I introduce her to my friend who hates her off the bat. She starts telling me that he's hot and she wants to get with him. No I don't necessarily care about her, but it is the idea that girls(maybe guys do too) would even pull stuff like that. Kind of garbage if you ask me. Now I am very distant from her, and she has no idea why. For the record, I do believe she's one of those girls who just likes older guys for being older. Maybe it makes her feel cool that Im older, she seems to be that way.


----------



## avenger

PyramidSmasher said:


> I liked this girl, and one day after a party we were at, she asked if her and her friend could get a ride home. Then they asked if they could hang with me so blah blah blah I end up hanging out for 8 hours (basically they slept over minus sleeping), and then we talk quite a bit and do the fucking "FB marriage" thing girls think is so cute. I introduce her to my friend who hates her off the bat. She starts telling me that he's hot and she wants to get with him. No I don't necessarily care about her, but it is the idea that girls(maybe guys do too) would even pull stuff like that. Kind of garbage if you ask me. Now I am very distant from her, and she has no idea why. For the record, I do believe she's one of those girls who just likes older guys for being older. Maybe it makes her feel cool that Im older, she seems to be that way.


 Sounds like a whore in training, just saying watch out.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

avenger said:


> Sounds like a whore in training, just saying watch out.



LOL, I mean shes already done quite a bit with quite a few guys, so the training part may be over


----------



## Cheesebuiscut

Yeah I'd quit it. 

If she persists asking why your being distant I'd tell her the truth, but thats just me.


----------



## Mr Violence

PyramidSmasher said:


> I liked this girl, and one day after a party we were at, she asked if her and her friend could get a ride home. Then they asked if they could hang with me so blah blah blah I end up hanging out for 8 hours (basically they slept over minus sleeping), and then we talk quite a bit and do the fucking "FB marriage" thing girls think is so cute. I introduce her to my friend who hates her off the bat. She starts telling me that he's hot and she wants to get with him. No I don't necessarily care about her, but it is the idea that girls(maybe guys do too) would even pull stuff like that. Kind of garbage if you ask me. Now I am very distant from her, and she has no idea why. For the record, I do believe she's one of those girls who just likes older guys for being older. Maybe it makes her feel cool that Im older, she seems to be that way.



Depends on how young and naïve she is. This situation has happened to me many times. Just tell her why you're distant. But if you had a thing for her, you should tell her that off the bat. If she's young, she probably disregarded any signals or whatever.

Rule 1 of relationships: Just say what you're thinking if it's that big of an issue. Referring to my recent post here, that's why my latest relationship crashed and burned.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Mr Violence said:


> Depends on how young and naïve she is. This situation has happened to me many times. Just tell her why you're distant. But if you had a thing for her, you should tell her that off the bat. If she's young, she probably disregarded any signals or whatever.
> 
> Rule 1 of relationships: Just say what you're thinking if it's that big of an issue. Referring to my recent post here, that's why my latest relationship crashed and burned.



But I dont wanna be the whiny bitch who forces drama like that you know?


----------



## Mr Violence

There's drama in your being distant, anyways. It's not her fault because you didn't tell her what's up but you can always just own up and say that's why. I mean, if you stay quiet about it, she's just going to keep wondering.

Your call. I hate it when you put time and effort into a chick and then they hook up with a friend of yours. Happens all the time to nice guys. Women like that aren't worth the dirt they walk on.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Mr Violence said:


> There's drama in your being distant, anyways. It's not her fault because you didn't tell her what's up but you can always just own up and say that's why. I mean, if you stay quiet about it, she's just going to keep wondering.
> 
> Your call. I hate it when you put time and effort into a chick and then they hook up with a friend of yours. Happens all the time to nice guys. Women like that aren't worth the dirt they walk on.



LOL good point. Yeah I 'll just say it straight up.


----------



## Cheesebuiscut




----------



## vampiregenocide

Mr Violence said:


> Gf and I tried it once more. No dice. She broke up with me citing all these things like the fact I've lived in the same spot my whole life and I'm content here. Saying I need to grow up and experience the world as much as she has.
> 
> I feel pretty shitty, but I'm not going to let her see it this time around. I'm done. She never brought any of that shit up to me before, and she broke up with me because of it now and I "should've gotten the hints." Fuck you.
> 
> Fuck that.


 
Girls and their fucking hints. They say they're more in control of their emotions and talk about them more than men, but then it comes down to it they just expect you to know. I personally think men are a lot better at explaining how they feel than women. You ask a guy and a girl how they feel about the same event, and I assure you that you'll come out of it knowing far more from the bloke.


----------



## Mr Violence

vampiregenocide said:


> Girls and their fucking hints. They say they're more in control of their emotions and talk about them more than men, but then it comes down to it they just expect you to know. I personally think men are a lot better at explaining how they feel than women. You ask a guy and a girl how they feel about the same event, and I assure you that you'll come out of it knowing far more from the bloke.



I'll admit it's my fault she didn't know how I felt about thing but it's because I actively did NOT tell her. That's my doing. But I wasn't dropping hints and getting pissed off that she didn't get it. That is fucking bullshit.

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to vampiregenocide again."

Also: Rules That Guys Wish Girls Knew

I'd like to draw attention to number 34.


----------



## Meatbucket

That's pretty classic stuff right there.
+1 for posting.


----------



## Asrial

Okay, it's 1½ month since the breakup...
I write every now and then to my ex, so we got a friendly chat once in a while.
Now, one of her friends just wrote to me over facebook, that she's admiring her, while she is sitting on the couch with another friend, and that she doesn't know we were writing together. I asked her if she saw that as a good sign, since she wrote tons of smileys. Right off the bat, she says that I don't get it, it was a joke, and they all 3 are laughing.

_Saus__agecan?!_

Am I being a little sensitive here, or is it completely normal to be  <--- like that guy? (Because I couldn't express myself in a better way.)
I've never seen her participate in anything that could harm or otherwise stun anyone negatively (to be fairly honest, she's random, but dull at that area), so that was a facepunch. She was the one that broke up with me by the way, so it makes even less sense.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Girls can't be insensitive cunts for no reason. Its best just to tell them that in a harsh manner, and them remove them from your life.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Homies over hoes is the only way to go.


----------



## Asrial

vampiregenocide said:


> Girls can't be insensitive cunts for no reason. Its best just to tell them that in a harsh manner, and them remove them from your life.


There was literally no reason. I smile at her in a friendly way when we bump at eachother on the hallways and such, she actually looked at me and smiled TONS under the music class (first time we were in the same room for more than 2 minutes within 20 meters XD), so I was under the impression that she was completely over with me...
Now I'm just baffled.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Yeah they just like to fuck with people. They put on a nice face but secretly they are stabbing you in the back.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

how do I avert my problems with ladies? And where is JohnIce?!


----------



## nolow

vampiregenocide said:


> Girls can't be insensitive cunts for no reason. Its best just to tell them that in a harsh manner, and them remove them from your life.



I would turn gay if I could, most women date and go out with guys without any purpose or feeling. Women are pressured that they need to be in a relationship, they do so, and continuesly move on without though, their programmed to do so. I know people round here have experienced that. 

Most people's lives are actually that boring that they need break ups to spice things up.... it's really sad.


----------



## vampiregenocide

nolow said:


> I would turn gay if I could, most women date and go out with guys without any purpose or feeling. Women are pressured that they need to be in a relationship, they do so, and continuesly move on without though, their programmed to do so. I know people round here have experienced that.
> 
> Most people's lives are actually that boring that they need break ups to spice things up.... it's really sad.


 
Same man. I'm so close to just being gay.  Unfortunately I can't get that close...

Nah women are great, but the vast majority are hormonally insane. I know this sounds sexist, but I've spoken to many women who agree. Its just the way we're biologically engineered.


----------



## avenger

vampiregenocide said:


> Yeah they just like to fuck with people. They put on a nice face but secretly they are stabbing you in the back.


 QFMFT!

Never trust an ex!


----------



## nolow

vampiregenocide said:


> Same man. I'm so close to just being gay.  Unfortunately I can't get that close...
> 
> Nah women are great, but the vast majority are hormonally insane. I know this sounds sexist, but I've spoken to many women who agree. Its just the way we're biologically engineered.



LOL, some women are great indeed, but not enough. 

Most of it is due to the morals, lack of dignity and culture in our country.

EDIT; God, I most sound like a asshole.


----------



## Varcolac

nolow said:


> LOL, some *people* are great indeed, but not enough.
> 
> Most of it is due to the morals, lack of dignity and culture in our country.
> 
> EDIT; God, I most sound like a asshole.




Fixed. Plenty of dudes are reprehensible people as well. I suppose guys just tend to notice it more often in women because guys want to stick their dick in them and are disappointed when it turns out she's exactly like 95% of everyone else: crap.


----------



## leandroab

Let's take a nice pause and look at the tags again.


----------



## Cuda

Hahaha oh the tags...

So this old friend of mine...well she's been breaking up with her bf every few months. All her bfs have been pieces of shit really. She makes any excuse why she won't give me a chance but uses any excuse to stay with the losers. Should I feel insulted and vexed? I mean I'm getting used to do all the stuff her bf should be doing, but not getting sex. 

I even took her bf to a job interview. Spent my last $10 in gas and found out it was for pyramid selling. Then he asked me to give him a ride to his moms work. He didn't know what building lol. Anyways is it wrong to use that as a reason to stop talking to the douche?


----------



## RaceCar

Cuda said:


> Hahaha oh the tags...
> 
> So this old friend of mine...well she's been breaking up with her bf every few months. All her bfs have been pieces of shit really. She makes any excuse why she won't give me a chance but uses any excuse to stay with the losers. Should I feel insulted and vexed? I mean I'm getting used to do all the stuff her bf should be doing, but not getting sex.
> 
> I even took her bf to a job interview. Spent my last $10 in gas and found out it was for pyramid selling. Then he asked me to give him a ride to his moms work. He didn't know what building lol. Anyways is it wrong to use that as a reason to stop talking to the douche?



Sounds like more than a "friend" to me...

Also, you WHAT?!?!....are you close with her bf?

If I were in your shoes, I'd definitely feel insulted. I would give up on her and look for someone else. I bet the moment you do that, she'll become interested in you. "People want what they can't have." And then when they get it, 99% of the time they get bored with it, the chase is done.


----------



## nolow

leandroab said:


> Let's take a nice pause and look at the tags again.



Fuckin' lol'ed big time.


----------



## Cuda

Yeah we flirt around quite a bit. There's alsways been some reason we never hooked up.

I'm not close to her bf. We all would hang out and smoke and play old video games and i'd take them to shows with me. You know, can't hang with my old friend without her bf lol.

I've tried that advice and she seems supportive. But it's never worked out with the other women I pursue. I dunno women seem to make a list of what they want in their head. I match all but one criteria and it's no go. 

Having a big penis sucks really. It's like nukes. Everyone around the world wants one, talks about using it but never give clearance to launch the damn thing.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Varcolac said:


> Fixed. Plenty of dudes are reprehensible people as well. I suppose guys just tend to notice it more often in women because guys want to stick their dick in them and are disappointed when it turns out she's exactly like 95% of everyone else: crap.


 
Oh dudes can be bastards too, but women and men are different in these ways. For instance, men cheat on girls but it tends to just happen once. Women seem to cheat more often and over longer periods of time than men. I just think women can be a bit more harsher in what they do to men than the other way around. This comes from personal experience anyway, in both my own relationships and talking to friends. I don't want it to seem like I'm being sexist, I'm not saying all women definitely are like this, its just what I've seen.


----------



## Fzau

H O L Y SHIT  
That is pretty much how I feel right now 

EDIT: Still do.. 'twas a dream? Nay, it actually happened.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

I could easily get with this one girl that I like, and probably date her, but shes immature and hoe-ish. She may not cheat, but I know she'd want to, and probably wouldn't be a very good investment of my time.

FACEPALM.


----------



## vampiregenocide

You need a lesson in love from the Darwin beetle.


----------



## Cheesebuiscut

LMAO

several bouts of essentially what would be murder if not for the shells, and then he rapes the damned female and tosses her off a tree when hes done!

Priceless.


----------



## renzoip

PyramidSmasher said:


> I could easily get with this one girl that I like, and probably date her, but shes immature and hoe-ish. She may not cheat, but I know she'd want to, and probably wouldn't be a very good investment of my time.
> 
> FACEPALM.



It depends on how you see it. I had the same dilemma a few months ago. There was a girl who was really cute and fun to be with on one hand, but immature and loose on the other. Basically, I dated her for two weeks; we hung out, had fun, and had tons of sex. I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere, but I figured I would make the best of it while it lasted without getting attached.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

renzoip said:


> It depends on how you see it. I had the same dilemma a few months ago. There was a girl who was really cute and fun to be with on one hand, but immature and loose on the other. Basically, I dated her for two weeks; we hung out, had fun, and had tons of sex. I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere, but I figured I would make the best of it while it lasted without getting attached.



LOL


YES


----------



## lookralphsbak

Today is probably the first time I've ventured out of the 1st section on this forum (exception to the new members thread). I was in a relationship but we decided to take a break because she couldn't commit to a relationship with school and deciding what she wanted to do with her life (she's a senior in college and I'm 24 with a job). She and I used to intern together at Earache records so we had a lot in common: metal, music industry career goals, both love guitar, passion for music, etc. A couple weeks ago we we're at a party and I got drunk and we got in a fight. I guess I grabbed her arm and she got really pissed, I got upset and I remember leaning against the wall near the front door with an upset face. Anyway things seemed normal the next day when we woke up, but I guess later on things were kinda not normal and that night things weren't right... The following day she ended everything. I miss her so much and even though she said "forget about us ever getting back together, not happening, not now, not then, not ever" I'm not gonna give up on her. I'm sure she has lost all interest in me but I'm gonna try and prove to her that I'm worth a second chance and if that fails then I'm gonna try and at least fix our friendship. She means a lot to me and a lot of people tell me I should give up and forget her but it's hard.


----------



## Soubi7string

lookralphsbak said:


> Today is probably the first time I've ventured out of the 1st section on this forum (exception to the new members thread). I was in a relationship but we decided to take a break because she couldn't commit to a relationship with school and deciding what she wanted to do with her life (she's a senior in college and I'm 24 with a job). She and I used to intern together at Earache records so we had a lot in common: metal, music industry career goals, both love guitar, passion for music, etc. A couple weeks ago we we're at a party and I got drunk and we got in a fight. I guess I grabbed her arm and she got really pissed, I got upset and I remember leaning against the wall near the front door with an upset face. Anyway things seemed normal the next day when we woke up, but I guess later on things were kinda not normal and that night things weren't right... The following day she ended everything. I miss her so much and even though she said "forget about us ever getting back together, not happening, not now, not then, not ever" I'm not gonna give up on her. I'm sure she has lost all interest in me but I'm gonna try and prove to her that I'm worth a second chance and if that fails then I'm gonna try and at least fix our friendship. She means a lot to me and a lot of people tell me I should give up and forget her but it's hard.



not gonna sugar coat
but from my past experience on 1 or 2 relationships
its a bad idea to go after the chick man.
You have the right idea on letting her go


----------



## Meatbucket

Soubi7string said:


> not gonna sugar coat
> but from my past experience on 1 or 2 relationships
> its a bad idea to go after the chick man.
> You have the right idea on letting her go


Sadly, this is very true. The relationship won't ever be what it once was, it just won't be the same.


----------



## lookralphsbak

Meatbucket said:


> Sadly, this is very true. The relationship won't ever be what it once was, it just won't be the same.


I know you guys are right but I can't shake the feeling that she is worth it. I've gone through this shit with every past gf except for 1 and yea this is probably gonna be the same case but I don't know. I'd rather try than not try. I figure since she got the last word on everything I'm gonna ask her if she wants to go out for dinner or coffee or grab a drink and just talk shit over and see what happens. I honestly feel like it's worth the try. If I fail then I fail.


----------



## Meatbucket

lookralphsbak said:


> I figure since she got the last word on everything I'm gonna ask her if she wants to go out for dinner or coffee or grab a drink and just talk shit over and see what happens. I honestly feel like it's worth the try. If I fail then I fail.


I approve of this approach, but do be prepared for things you may not want to here or a turn for the worst. That doesn't mean "have no hope" but it's always good to have all of your mental bases covered before stepping into an emotionally draining situation such as this.


----------



## lookralphsbak

Meatbucket said:


> I approve of this approach, but do be prepared for things you may not want to here or a turn for the worst. That doesn't mean "have no hope" but it's always good to have all of your mental bases covered before stepping into an emotionally draining situation such as this.


Plus the way she ended everything was on such a bad note I'd rather discuss everything with her and try to resolve everything. Worst case scenario we end that night being friends. I mean the shit she said, first off was via text, we're hurtful. She said that I didn't care, I didn't respect her, and that I wasn't the best thing for her personal life. It's all bullshit because I do care, i do respect her, and I do feel that I am best for her personal life... Even if I made a mistake from being drunk one night that shouldn't have even effect the way I feel about a person. Sometimes I feel that there's no hope and sometimes I feel confident and feel that I can prove/convince her that I'm worth it. I honestly don't know because the ball is in her court and obviously she will get to make the final decision but I want the opportunity to throw out that opportunity for her to make that decision. Every relationship where shit has gone wrong everyone has told me "if it's meant to be then you will get back with her". Obviously if it's meant to be we will get back together one day, if it's not well hopefully we can stay friends and at least build our friendship.


----------



## Soubi7string

bro
talk to her
resolve if possible
if not then drop it and move on
just resolve the problems, not ask her out or anything of the sort.
just try and resolve whatever issues are there or still linger


----------



## lookralphsbak

Soubi7string said:


> bro
> talk to her
> resolve if possible
> if not then drop it and move on
> just resolve the problems, not ask her out or anything of the sort.
> just try and resolve whatever issues are there or still linger


That's the plan, I'd rather resolve things in person... i'm not gonna ask her on a date, I just want to get her and I out somewhere so we can meet in person and talk about things.

Thanks a bunch guys, means a lot!


----------



## The Reverend

lookralphsbak said:


> That's the plan, I'd rather resolve things in person... i'm not gonna ask her on a date, I just want to get her and I out somewhere so we can meet in person and talk about things.
> 
> Thanks a bunch guys, means a lot!


 
You can get her back dude. I always get broken up with because I'm a dick, so I've gotten pretty good at getting girls to give me a second chance.

When you meet with her, keep it serious (you _are_ under the guise of seeking closure, right?) but every now and then inject a wee bit of self-deprecating humor. I don't know exactly how y'alls relationship dynamics were, which will limit my capacity to help, but getting her to laugh will ease the tension.

You'll want to get her relaxed. Listen to what she says, accept it (unless you're always right, like I am) and choose what you say carefully. Don't point out her flaws, don't accuse her of anything, just focus on things you can control, i.e. yourself, your behavior blah blah fucking blah.

Once the discussion's melodramatic tension has been cut, _show _her why she fell in love with you. Be funny, quirky, romantic, intelligent. In short, be who you were the first few months y'all dated. Bring back that confidence, even if you have to fake it. It'll show on your face like AIDS under a blacklight. 

Even if that first meeting doesn't accomplish much, don't forget to act like the above paragraph. She needs to question whether she's really better off without you, and if she's exposed to the you she loves the most, it'll sway her.

Hope my novel helps in some way. Keep me updated, as I have a _lot_ of experience with what you're dealing with.


----------



## lookralphsbak

The Reverend said:


> You can get her back dude. I always get broken up with because I'm a dick, so I've gotten pretty good at getting girls to give me a second chance.
> 
> When you meet with her, keep it serious (you _are_ under the guise of seeking closure, right?) but every now and then inject a wee bit of self-deprecating humor. I don't know exactly how y'alls relationship dynamics were, which will limit my capacity to help, but getting her to laugh will ease the tension.
> 
> You'll want to get her relaxed. Listen to what she says, accept it (unless you're always right, like I am) and choose what you say carefully. Don't point out her flaws, don't accuse her of anything, just focus on things you can control, i.e. yourself, your behavior blah blah fucking blah.
> 
> Once the discussion's melodramatic tension has been cut, _show _her why she fell in love with you. Be funny, quirky, romantic, intelligent. In short, be who you were the first few months y'all dated. Bring back that confidence, even if you have to fake it. It'll show on your face like AIDS under a blacklight.
> 
> Even if that first meeting doesn't accomplish much, don't forget to act like the above paragraph. She needs to question whether she's really better off without you, and if she's exposed to the you she loves the most, it'll sway her.
> 
> Hope my novel helps in some way. Keep me updated, as I have a _lot_ of experience with what you're dealing with.


Thanks man, we weren't in love to begin with, never got the opportunity to. We knew each other for around a year before we dated bc we interned at the same record label but we only dated for 3 months. It's nothing and most guys would have moved on but I've never been with a girl that I shared so much passions and interests with. If shit doesn't work out then like I've said before I'll take a friendship over anything because I really do care.


----------



## Daemoniac

4 days until our 6 year anniversary.


----------



## lookralphsbak

Demoniac said:


> 4 days until our 6 year anniversary.


Damn congrats man!


----------



## Fzau

PyramidSmasher said:


> I could easily get with this one girl that I like, and probably date her, but shes immature and hoe-ish. She may not cheat, but I know she'd want to, and probably wouldn't be a very good investment of my time.
> 
> FACEPALM.



Sort of the same situation here, man. The girl is cute as hell, extremely sexy, sweet and fun, but she has a history of going from one guy to the next and has been for a guy with two weeks now even though she seems to_ like_ me more.
From her kisses I can tell she has feelings for me, but to what extent is a mystery for me. 

Fuck it, I'll probably take my shot. If it turns out to be something good, nice, if not, too bad. 
No way in hell I'm committing myself to someone if that person doesn't do the same to me.

Pretty funny how I always fall for the slutty types, it's madness! My life is a mathcore ride. 

Also, piercings and tattoo's are fucking hot. 

Here are some angry songs for such occassions:


----------



## Soubi7string

broke up with my gf yesterday
I feel good about it since it was the best for us both
but I feel like shit cause it hurt us both really bad and I hid it away when I broke it off with her =/


----------



## BrainArt

Demoniac said:


> 4 days until our 6 year anniversary.



Congrats, Mischa!


----------



## Katrina

As of late I tend to hate myself because I feel so shallow for breaking up with my last gf since I think that no one will ever love me as truly as her. The girl literally WORSHIPED me, but she changed soooo much since I first knew her. She stopped dressing girly, started working out waaaaay too much and got too muscular and looked almost like she was starving she was so skinny, stopped shaving her pits because she apparently felt like that's the feminist thing to do....... But yeah, I pissed away a deep and loving relationship because she started to look different. I'm so fucking shallow I hate it. Anyone else been in this boat?


----------



## renzoip

Katrina said:


> As of late I tend to hate myself because I feel so shallow for breaking up with my last gf since I think that no one will ever love me as truly as her. The girl literally WORSHIPED me, but she changed soooo much since I first knew her. She stopped dressing girly, started working out waaaaay too much and got too muscular and looked almost like she was starving she was so skinny, stopped shaving her pits because she apparently felt like that's the feminist thing to do....... But yeah, I pissed away a deep and loving relationship because she started to look different. I'm so fucking shallow I hate it. Anyone else been in this boat?



Well, I had this problem with one of my exes. Not as severe, but after 2 years of dating she started gaining a lot of weight, dressing poorly, and not taking as much care of herself overall. I never told her how I felt about her change in look, but it did bother me. She eventually noticed that although I loved her, I did not feel as attracted or as comfortable as I used to. Needless to say, it made her feel bad, and it made me feel like a horrible shallow person. 

Having that said, I would not put all the blame on you. If the tables were to turn, one assumes that the gf would be there and love us unconditionally, not necessarily true. She may turn out to be even more shallow. This is exactly what happened in my case. Once my ex lost the weight, started dressing nicely, and taking care of herself, it totally got to her hear, she suddenly became a really shallow person; she started acting as if she was too good for me, and that eventually caused us to break up.

And although she looks better now, I know I like the old her better. The point is that while I understand your concern, it is not totally your fault not to be attracted to someone who makes such a change (I mean, you did not meet her like that), not only because of the look, but because that attitude tells you something deeper about her personality.


----------



## ayambakar

just read the entire thread which teaches me these:

-musicians have troubles in love life, too.
-who JohnIce is and what his music is. pretty cool.
-a lot of people in this forums are adults.
-you can't really read tons of rant in an hour.
-I really love reading rants - gives many psychological insights.
-those friggin' funny tags. 

all I have to say is that distance and religion difference sucks real bad.
I broke up with my gf (Jehovah) of 2 years mainly because I moved to the US to continue my study.

and after several months, I really haven't heard from her - in chatrooms, in twitter, in facebook, everywhere.

but on the upside, I stopped thinking about girls and really gets into my schoolwork - all A's for the last report card, fuck yea.

girls can really mess up a man's mind.


----------



## Fzau

I'm excited for tonight. There is a chance I might even give up my beloved single status.


----------



## Cuda

So here I am again. It's more of a vent than asking advice. I just gotta vent somehow or blow my head off, so, sorry dudes.

Well, I've been hanging out with Christy. Long time friend, always had something going on but she never would let her self do anything. She makes any excuse why to not hook up. But here is the kick in the pants. I've been trying to be supportive and give her space and be what her boyfriends should. 

Well tonight she called me up to meet at a bar. Ok. Went well. Anyways, she had invited a few guys back to her place. Her friend asshured me nothing would happen. Blah balh

Long story short she fucked one of the dudes. I split when I figured out they were up to. I came home and started. Drinking. Yeah. Probably fucked more than one after I left. Haha I'm an idiot. How can I play boyfriend and never get to sex it up? What a loser I am.


----------



## renzoip

Cuda said:


> So here I am again. It's more of a vent than asking advice. I just gotta vent somehow or blow my head off, so, sorry dudes.
> 
> Well, I've been hanging out with Christy. Long time friend, always had something going on but she never would let her self do anything. She makes any excuse why to not hook up. But here is the kick in the pants. I've been trying to be supportive and give her space and be what her boyfriends should.
> 
> Well tonight she called me up to meet at a bar. Ok. Went well. Anyways, she had invited a few guys back to her place. Her friend asshured me nothing would happen. Blah balh
> 
> Long story short she fucked one of the dudes. I split when I figured out they were up to. I came home and started. Drinking. Yeah. Probably fucked more than one after I left. Haha I'm an idiot. How can I play boyfriend and never get to sex it up? What a loser I am.




Dude, don't be too hard on yourself. Many us have been in similar situation at some level; just forget about it and move on. What I mean by this is that many of us have played bf in order to get with a girl who won't get with us for whatever excuse, only to find that she will give it to some other guy without hesitation. 

I think its just better to let her go and not waste any more of your time with her. When a girl starts giving me a bunch of excuses, I only believe 25% of it, as I've seen that often its a bunch of BS. There are plenty girls out there, at least this situation has shown you that this girl if not right for you. There are girls out there who will date you/sleep with you, no "ifs" or "buts". 

I know you didn't ask for advice but still...

Good luck in for the New Year!


----------



## Cuda

Thanks man. 

So today, I just sent a text; "i'm not coming back" and of course I get the "what's wrong, why you acting like this"

I just didn't bother to reply. Instead I posted a m4w add on craigslsit and got some real responses. Also a damn fine looking responder. Fuck yeah. I may get raped and robbed but at least get raped.

Also, to feel better I bought an Agile.


----------



## renzoip

Cuda said:


> Thanks man.
> 
> So today, I just sent a text; "i'm not coming back" and of course I get the "what's wrong, why you acting like this"
> 
> I just didn't bother to reply. Instead I posted a m4w add on craigslsit and got some real responses. Also a damn fine looking responder. Fuck yeah. I may get raped and robbed but at least get raped.
> 
> Also, to feel better I bought an Agile.



You WIN!!


----------



## Cuda

Cl turned out ot be spam bots. Really convincing ones at that. Haha man am I dumb.

At least with a NGD I can make love to an unmolested sexy bitch. And she won't say no! Now stupid winter storm be cock blockin.


----------



## Fzau

I hereby revoke my single status. No worries, I still  you guys!


----------



## Konfyouzd

I'm bouta go get me one...  

Her name is Caroline... I'll introduce y'all when I make that happen...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Cuda said:


> So here I am again. It's more of a vent than asking advice. I just gotta vent somehow or blow my head off, so, sorry dudes.
> 
> Well, I've been hanging out with Christy. Long time friend, always had something going on but she never would let her self do anything. She makes any excuse why to not hook up. But here is the kick in the pants. I've been trying to be supportive and give her space and be what her boyfriends should.
> 
> Well tonight she called me up to meet at a bar. Ok. Went well. Anyways, she had invited a few guys back to her place. Her friend asshured me nothing would happen. Blah balh
> 
> Long story short she fucked one of the dudes. I split when I figured out they were up to. I came home and started. Drinking. Yeah. Probably fucked more than one after I left. Haha I'm an idiot. How can I play boyfriend and never get to sex it up? What a loser I am.



This is NEVER what you wanna hear when you're twitterpated... (Bambi terminology ftw  ) but some women just aren't fuckin' worth it... At least for the time being. Move on, but leave a light on in case she decides to wander back your way, dig?


----------



## Fzau

Konfyouzd said:


> I'm bouta go get me one...
> 
> Her name is Caroline... I'll introduce y'all when I make that happen...



You show her who's boss!  


Oh, and Pry thinks she's pretty.  (<= wub for Pry)


----------



## Prydogga

for me indeed. Fuck, I should start tuning again, I've been lost in a sea of recording and seclusion for quite some time, time to remember what this whole 'woman' thing was like.


----------



## WickedSymphony

Cuda said:


> At least with a NGD I can make love to an unmolested sexy bitch. And she won't say no!



Won't say no and can't say no are two very different things my friend.


----------



## Cuda

WickedSymphony said:


> Won't say no and can't say no are two very different things my friend.



There may be a difference, but I may choose to ignore it.

Konfyouzd, you are Johnny-on-the-Spot with that. But I dunno about leaving the light on, done that before, I feel pathetic. I think I'll find another woman and turn the lights off.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^whatever works, man.


----------



## Cuda

Spent a few hours texting with a girl. I kinda feel bad because she has a b/f but he lives far away now. Guess I don't feel that bad haha. Crazy cosplayer gir so I shouldn't feel bad if I may get to motorboat some titties. 

I'll see where this goes and try to steer it clear of disaster. Cast of the anchor of last year and set sail. Or motorboat.


----------



## tacotiklah

Cuda said:


> I think I'll find another woman and turn the lights off.



For some women that might not be enough. Some may require a 2 paperbags on their head in case one tears. 



As for me, I've been without a significant other since late 2007. I was engaged and in a nightmare relationship that by the end of it, I found myself committed as 5150 twice in 2 months because it drove me that crazy. I stayed because I thought I loved her, but in reality figured that I couldn't find anybody else.
After going through that hell I was pretty much done with relationships. 

Fast forward to today. My cousin and a mutual friend are trying to set me up with said friend's best friend. We think a lot alike (even if she is a fan of My Chemical Romance), and have roughly the same sense of humor. I write to her many, many times a day on facebook and she tells me she loves me and calls me "sweets" "babe" and "honey". Basically we act as if we're already in a relationship together.

If you were waiting for a catch, you won't be disappointed.
She lives in wisconsin, is already in a relationship with somebody that acts like they'd fit in on MTV's show "Is she seriously going out with him?", and despite her overwhelming desire to say "screw it all" and move back out here, she's afraid of rocking the boat and she's also afraid of hurting said douchebag; despite him cheating on her several times, ignoring her daily, and acting like a whiny little bitch. (he once made a huge scene at a restaurant because she sat next to a friend instead of next to him at a restaurant booth)

I'm no saint, and have done childish shit myself, but even *I* wouldn't sink that low.

Everyday she tells me about how much she hates it there, and how much she wants to move out here. (and hints at being with me. I'm more direct, saying that I want her to move out here and try dating. She hasn't shunned me on that, so all is good afaik)
I keep hinting to (and even directly telling) her that the only way to fix that situation is by changing her environment. She agrees, but does nothing to fix said situation. 

I dunno what to do. I went through a really bad relationship and as a result, have very little patience for mind games. It doesn't help when my cousin and her friend have super high expectations that me and this girl hook up; thereby confirming their abilities to play matchmaker. After all I did ask for them to hook me up with a friend of theirs because I was having trouble finding a girl. (too many shallow women here, and when they see that I'm a big-sized dude, they don't even give me a chance)

I really think me and this girl click and if she'd just remove the bullshit from her life and move back out here, we could be happy together. I hate long-distance relationships (mainly because they are antithesis to the point of a relationship) but I've never had this kind of chemistry with a girl before. I don't wanna back off and then live life in regret. But I don't wanna get my hopes up and then be back in the same nightmare bullshit that I was in 3 years ago either. I think I'm damaged goods. 

What do I do? Continue to be the proverbial donkey chasing a carrot on a stick, or risk being stuck with somebody else that's more than likely going to be worse that what I've already had?


----------



## OzoneJunkie

ghstofperdition: she's with someone else... move on. Longer version: she's essentially cheating on him, by being flirtatious with you. Cheating doesn't have to be just physical. Whatever her reasons are (him doing it first or whatever), it's not right. Suppose she leaves him for you... then what? She starts doing this with someone else? How do you feel?

People need to sort out their own relationships without outside influence. If she's staying in a bad relationship, despite him being bad to her, she has some issues of her own to work out, and jumping to the next relationship doesn't fix a darn thing.

Just my very humble opinion. Feel free (of course!) to ignore me...


----------



## GuitaristOfHell

The weirdest way I broke up with my ex is I walked in on her. Yeah, I yelled " Bitch we're through" and proceeded my way out. Ironically the day before she said " I never want to lose you".


----------



## wannabguitarist

Fzau said:


> I'm excited for tonight. There is a chance I might even give up my beloved single status.



It's a scary thought isn't? As of the 29th I'm in a relationship for the first time in over year and I keep thinking about the potential "opportunity cost" of no longer being single


----------



## Fzau

wannabguitarist said:


> It's a scary thought isn't? As of the 29th I'm in a relationship for the first time in over year and I keep thinking about the potential "opportunity cost" of no longer being single



It certainly is! But I can tell you this: so far, I think I might just have stumbled onto someone special. ^^

EDIT: Oh and what's really weird: I never have to do shit to get the girl that I want.


----------



## MFB

Fuck. me. running.

I can't stop thinking of the chick I was with a few months ago. It's most certainly not an emotional thing cause we fought a lot towards the end, but she's shown up in 3 of my last dreams and my practically-step-sister had friends over and were Skyping one of their boyfriends, and they kept doing that stupid "Hi" back and forth; which ALSO made me think of her.

This is fucking awful. I just want to be done with it.


----------



## leandroab

I'm here with my Guinness. I'm good... Life's good...


----------



## Scar Symmetry

I have a girlfriend. End of story.


----------



## malin

I need of your help and this post will be long...

I started seeing this girl about 4 month agos. From the start I knew she was veyr shy and insecure since she didn't talk a lot and wouldn't be with me alone. She always had one of her good friends with her. I have reputation of being some sort of player since I have travelled a lot and had a blast. Now I must admit we didn't fuck yet except one time in her jacuzzi. I knew she was very she, insecure and that she needed to work on her self esteem. Now we fast forward to last weekend. I started asking her questions about her past and found out she had sex with 8 guys unprotected...I got really scared and then she told me she caught chlamadia. I was on the verge of running but I knew she was hiding something from me since she didn't want to have sex. She said she was cured about 3 months ago but still...

From what I have figured out so far, she didn't want to tell me that she had a disease and she wanted to get check before sleeping with me and she would had never told me that she had or didn't had a disease. I feel betrayed but I can understand since she is really insecure. 

Last week she went away with her family and her best friend (who lives at her place) offered me to hang out with her. I brought her along for ONE evening with my friends for a beer and some pool and thats it. Nothing happened and I even tried to match her with one of my good friends. We exchanged some messages on facebook on how fun its was and bla bla bla bla bla bla. Now tonight I get a txt from my girlfriend saying she wants to be alone tonight. I asked a couple of question but she never responded but finally she txted my buddy and told him she thought I slept with her friend. 

She thinks we fucked and fucked and fucked while she was gone and to be honest, I never had any ideas like this. I told her good night and that we'll talk about it tomorrow.

wtf...I'm am confused. One side of me says fuck this girl since she is way to insecure and she is destroying herself but on the other side I'm attach to this girl. After our talk tomorrow, I'll try and make my decisions but I think that I don't have time for childish games and insecure people in my life.

Cliffs:

Meet a nice insecure girls
she didn't want to fuck because she wants to get checked out for std and didn't want to tell me till I forced her
she thinks I slept with her bestfriends
I'm confused


----------



## JamesM

Leave her be. Sounds like that bitch should come with a script of antibiotics.


----------



## malin

The Armada said:


> Leave her be. Sounds like that bitch should come with a script of antibiotics.



that's why I'm trying to convince myself with but I still have that other part in me that says : stay and take care of her mayber she is a diamond in the rough


----------



## JamesM

They never are. If she's so willing to destroy herself she'll be just as willing to destroy you.


----------



## malin

I see where you are going with this...I'll destroy myself too in the long term


----------



## tacotiklah

The Armada said:


> They never are. If she's so willing to destroy herself she'll be just as willing to destroy you.



this. many, many times this. The rescuer role never works and you'll be bitter enemies by the end. Just tell her that this is too much for you to handle and call it a day.


----------



## malin

how to tell her...without destroying her


----------



## Cuda

ghstofperdition said:


> this. many, many times this. The rescuer role never works and you'll be bitter enemies by the end. Just tell her that this is too much for you to handle and call it a day.



Yep I can attest to this. Earlier today I got a call from my friend. I ignored it and she left a voice mail cussing me out. I was accused of just being her friend for sex. But the kicker is she doesn't say anything to the guys that really are just using her. Go figure. Rescue ranger isn't the role any man should play.

Also malin, she's probably just using that accusation as an excuse to break up with you.


----------



## malin

Cuda said:


> Yep I can attest to this. Earlier today I got a call from my friend. I ignored it and she left a voice mail cussing me out. I was accused of just being her friend for sex. But the kicker is she doesn't say anything to the guys that really are just using her. Go figure. Rescue ranger isn't the role any man should play.
> 
> Also malin, she's probably just using that accusation as an excuse to break up with you.



ya thats I thought...I called her and said if you want to dump me, do it now because I don't have time for this. She started crying and said she loved me and bla bla bla...


----------



## Fzau

Scar Symmetry said:


> I have a girlfriend. End of story.



So do I. 

/Story


----------



## Prydogga

Fzau said:


> So do I.
> 
> /Story



You're just in here milking it, so obviously you're always gunna be in this thread


----------



## avenger

Bitches be crazy! That is all.


----------



## Varjo

It's never so simple, is it?

Now my turn to vent something. Not that it'll help that much, but anything goes 

I have a girlfriend. And oh, she's a great human, I mean, sure a little naive about some things and maybe a bit too emotional, but she's nevertheless one of the really honestly good people out there. And she's mine. She's considerate and loving. She gives sex. So everything should be fine. Except, everything isn't fine.

I'm propably just bitching about a little thing and I "...should be happy with her, it's helluva lot more than most have" and yes that's right. But you guys know these things, when you have this little thing gnawing you, it's gnawing you no matter how much you reason with it.

Anyways, I have this other friend, a girl. We fooled around before I hooked up with my current GF. Well, we were kind of seeing each other back then, but nothing serious in my mind. One day my back-then-not-yet GF just took an outburst and put it short, said "make your pick". So I made, I picked her. And she's really a fantastic gal. But... that still gnaws me.

I talk with this other chick still every now and then, mostly on facebook or such. My current GF loses her good mood every time she hears about this, so we've currently put our discussions to a hold. And that's what pisses me off.

This other chick, not my GF but the chick that I kinda like fooled around with for a time, she's also good company. You know, we're alike and we enjoy each others company. And recently I've been thinking about her more. Something that my GF would kill me if she knew.

God damnit, I just seriously dislike this current situation. The good old why can't I have it all dilemma. I know I should just be happy, but the gnawing... damnit. Sure doesn't help that I'm currently deployed in Afganistan so my thoughts kinda start running in REAL small circles real quick. If I'd have more balls or would'nt think of these things in such a complicated manner, I'd leave my GF. But, my mind tells me, absolutely not worth it, I'm far better now. Still, doesn't help the gnawing or my thoughts. I miss this other chick. Damit.

Doesn't help she has a killer body


----------



## Justin Bailey

I'm not sure how any of you guys can enjoy being single


----------



## renzoip

Justin Bailey said:


> I'm not sure how any of you guys can enjoy being single



Well, its does have his upsides.

For instance, you can buy all the gear you want without having to justify yourself to anyone!


----------



## Soubi7string

ever been that "just a friend" kinda person?
yeah I'm that guy
and the girl I've wanted to be with since middle school is now engaged
my good day has now been gutted like a pig
tried tellin her how I feel ways before she got engaged
she didn't believe me for some reason
and here I thought things turned out like the movies, fuck


----------



## Cuda

Yeah being the friend sucks. Don't let yourself get placed there. Act like an asshole and piss women off on purpose. You may lose friends but will save yourselfhassle and heartaches.

So I. Started talking to a gal on craigslist. Lol. She's cool, but eh, cute but chubby. How chubby is a big question though.

And just a bit ago, an old friend called me. She asked how I was and told me about her family. Then started on the boyfriend complainings. Lol. I must be the go to guy for bad relationships. Haha I told her to call me up and hang out sometime. Gonna tap that if I get the chance.


----------



## JamesM

^Fat girls need love too.


----------



## Explorer

Varjo said:


> It's never so simple, is it?
> 
> Now my turn to vent something. Not that it'll help that much, but anything goes
> 
> (Long story about how he's thinking about some other chick, but doesn't have the balls to tell his current girl how he's not into her so much.)



So... in case you're asking a question, the answer is... Man up. Grow a pair. Tell your current girlfriend that you've been talking behind her back to her rival, and that you want out in case something could develop with that rival. Apologize, but make it clear that you'd rather be free of the situation, because you are a man of integrity.

Or, if that's not what you want, then... Man up. Grow a pair. Tell the rival that you love your current girlfriend, and that you are having a hard time keeping things as friends with the rival. Apologize, but make it clear that you'll not be talking/communicating with her, because you are a man of integrity. 

Otherwise, of course, you'll just be a fuckin' loser who is being unfaithful. Yes, even emotion infidelity is being unfaithful. 

Make your choice. Don't be a liar. Don't be a dick. 

Good luck!


----------



## avenger

Explorer said:


> So... in case you're asking a question, the answer is... Man up. Grow a pair. Tell your current girlfriend that you've been talking behind her back to her rival, and that you want out in case something could develop with that rival. Apologize, but make it clear that you'd rather be free of the situation, because you are a man of integrity.
> 
> Or, if that's not what you want, then... Man up. Grow a pair. Tell the rival that you love your current girlfriend, and that you are having a hard time keeping things as friends with the rival. Apologize, but make it clear that you'll not be talking/communicating with her, because you are a man of integrity.
> 
> *Otherwise, of course, you'll just be a fuckin' loser who is being unfaithful. Yes, even emotion infidelity is being unfaithful.*
> 
> Make your choice. Don't be a liar. Don't be a dick.
> 
> Good luck!


 +1 Remember... karmas a bitch.


----------



## Mr Violence

Explorer said:


> Otherwise, of course, you'll just be a fuckin' loser who is being unfaithful. Yes, even emotion infidelity is being unfaithful.
> 
> Make your choice. Don't be a liar. Don't be a dick.
> 
> Good luck!



While I agree with what you're saying, sometimes it's just not that easy. Being torn in 2 directions with plus sides on both. If he chooses his current GF, he'll still being thinking about Girl B. If he chooses Girl B and it goes sour or isn't what he expected, then he'll regret it.

It's not easy to make this decision. I know firsthand very well. It's always only been in my head though, I don't flirt with other girls when I'm with someone. And everyone thinks about different girls from time to time.


----------



## Soubi7string

Cuda said:


> Yeah being the friend sucks. Don't let yourself get placed there. Act like an asshole and piss women off on purpose. You may lose friends but will save yourselfhassle and heartaches.



yeah but I'm not the asshole type =/


----------



## renzoip

Soubi7string said:


> yeah but I'm not the asshole type =/



Well, I you have a hard time acting like an asshole, then just act indifferent.


----------



## Fzau

Soubi7string said:


> yeah but I'm not the asshole type =/



Never be an asshole.. just taunt her a little and make fun of her for giggles. It shows her you're not intimidated and you pull the strings, a very attractive quality indeed. Enough posts on this topic in this thread, be cocky AND funny.


----------



## WickedSymphony

Justin Bailey said:


> I'm not sure how any of you guys can enjoy being single



You're on the internet, dude. That's half way to figuring it out.


----------



## Cuda

Soubi7string said:


> yeah but I'm not the asshole type =/



Yeah, lol, but you aren't the boyfreind type either, so yeah, not sayin call her a cunt and she is awful, but don't go saying she's the best all the time. 

Fzau is probably more correct than I am. Trust me, when I snapped and turned my outlook on women and decided to use them and loose them, well I have had more success this week compared to all of last year.

And on that note, I got a sex date after midnight with a girl I don't care about at all. Tell me playing nice works better.


----------



## Soubi7string

Cuda said:


> Yeah, lol, but you aren't the boyfreind type either, so yeah, not sayin call her a cunt and she is awful, but don't go saying she's the best all the time.
> 
> Fzau is probably more correct than I am. Trust me, when I snapped and turned my outlook on women and decided to use them and loose them, well I have had more success this week compared to all of last year.
> 
> And on that note, I got a sex date after midnight with a girl I don't care about at all. Tell me playing nice works better.



that wasn't rubbing salt in the wound at all


----------



## Fzau

Cuda said:


> Yeah, lol, but you aren't the boyfreind type either, so yeah, not sayin call her a cunt and she is awful, *but don't go saying she's the best all the time. * => muy importante, I don't tell girls I love them either (show it with moderation)
> 
> Fzau is probably more correct than I am. Trust me, when I snapped and turned my outlook on women and decided to use them and loose them, well I have had more success this week compared to all of last year.
> 
> And on that note, I got a sex date after midnight with a girl I don't care about at all. Tell me playing nice works better.



Be a bit more careful with your choice of words, I wouldn't say you should use woman. 
Being independent and loose does not mean being disrespectful. Always have respect for everyone. Sure, you can chat up girls and flirt, but I think there's still a certain line (don't just use them for your own pleasure, unless when you're certain both parties just want fun). And you might be busting her balls so to speak, but in a way that is not intended to hurt her in any way.

In fact this is a great lesson to everyone. Change your perspective, become the one who picks, be genuinely indifferent of the outcome and realize you do not NEED anyone at all, be truly happy with who you are. This way, woman will automatically notice you. Hell, you won't even need pick-up lines or all that siht.. just know how attraction works. Here's the catch: being very friendly to a girl you like is likely to have a reverse effect, DON'T treat her like a very good friend. Again, be confident, funny and cocky, loose - an 'alpha-male' (although I hate that word).

And most importantly, fucking enjoy life! 

@ Cuda: This wasn't a rant on your choice of words or your potential behavior btw, just a flow of thought.


----------



## Cuda

Aww sorry dudes. 

Soubi, I didn't intend to rub salt in your wound, but I guess it did come off that way. I was raised by the tough love method, so that's the more direct approach I am familiar with. Sometimes being harsh makes the point much clearer.
Good luck on crushing some wang tang sweet poon tang! I owe you a drink.

Fzau, I can not argue with your logic.I took no offense to it. I know I am acting out of hurt. I'm not out to hurt anyone, but accept the fact I will have to break some shells to scramble some eggs. 

But well, I do find it funny I got laid within a week of this year.last year nada. I am questioning my actions and what is so different from the past few years really .

Yeah. I did score, she enjoyed it more than I, so I'm sure she'll be up for more fun.I need a shower and a nap.


----------



## vampiregenocide

The Armada said:


> ^Fat girls need love too.


 
Fat girls are good at head, because they're always hungry. True story.


----------



## JamesM

^True dat. I (sadly?) know that to be true.


----------



## Cuda

The Armada said:


> ^True dat. I (sadly?) know that to be true.



I can confirm this as well. No shame in messing around with any girl, fat or not.


----------



## vampiregenocide

I have my limits like any man, but personally I don't mind a slightly bigger girl. More to love.


----------



## Meatbucket

I personally find if there is a stable and great mental connection, one wouldn't give two shits about what the woman looks like. I guess I'm one of the odd people that find "what's underneath" more important and more attractive than surface appeal and physicality.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Im 17 and getting with a 14 year old. Bad? Shes attractive though, and other 17 year olds have as well.


----------



## renzoip

Meatbucket said:


> I personally find if there is a stable and great mental connection, one wouldn't give two shits about what the woman looks like. I guess I'm one of the odd people that find "what's underneath" more important and more attractive than surface appeal and physicality.



I would also add sexual compatibility. Having a girl that is into the same stuff I like doing in bed is a big plus. 

Edit: I would still care about look, just a little bit.


----------



## The Reverend

I dated a girl once, purely based on her personality, and bad as it sounds, after two months I couldn't kiss her anymore. I couldn't go out in public with her, and I didn't even want to look at her that much, because her face grew uglier and uglier to me.

There HAS to be a physical attraction on some level. It's hard-wired into us.


----------



## Prydogga

^ Truth, I know a few girls that would be perfect if they were attractive to me, other people find these girls pretty hot, but I suppose they're just not my type. It sucks.


----------



## WickedSymphony

Meatbucket said:


> I guess I'm one of the odd people that find "what's underneath" more important



As in what's underneath her clothes or am I totally missing what you're getting at?


(Kidding, of course)


----------



## scottro202

I've found myself in a situation that seems pretty sweet. I'm a junior in high school

Basically, a few months ago, at a gig my band was playing, I met this really cute senior girl from my school (older woman...zomg). Anyways, she said she really liked me band, yaddy yaddy yadda. After that day we never really talked much, until this semester, where we're in the same Physics class. Even better, our teacher has assigned seats, and guess who's last name is directly after mine in our class? So yeah, she's sitting next to me in physics class.

From talking to her and stuff, I found not only is she pretty cool, but she listens to 2 of my favorite bands, Reel Big Fish and the Foo Fighters. Even better yet, she's learning guitar (like, started a week ago), and is a bit of a music buff overall.

From my perspective, this seems like a pretty sweet situation. So, ss.org, I ask you, how should I handle this and how do I now fuck this up?


----------



## Ibanezsam4

scottro202 said:


> I've found myself in a situation that seems pretty sweet. I'm a junior in high school
> 
> Basically, a few months ago, at a gig my band was playing, I met this really cute senior girl from my school (older woman...zomg). Anyways, she said she really liked me band, yaddy yaddy yadda. After that day we never really talked much, until this semester, where we're in the same Physics class. Even better, our teacher has assigned seats, and guess who's last name is directly after mine in our class? So yeah, she's sitting next to me in physics class.
> 
> From talking to her and stuff, I found not only is she pretty cool, but she listens to 2 of my favorite bands, Reel Big Fish and the Foo Fighters. Even better yet, she's learning guitar (like, started a week ago), and is a bit of a music buff overall.
> 
> From my perspective, this seems like a pretty sweet situation. So, ss.org, I ask you, how should I handle this and how do I now fuck this up?



in my opinion the art of seduction is simply the art of conversation. basically play your convos very cool. dont try and commit to anything too quickly, if sexual tension starts to occur (and flirting along with it) dont immediately capitalize on it, simply play into it and exacerbate it. in my mind this is the key to attraction, its about: 

being a flirt (or if you dont like that term you can say your capitalizing on the sexual tension) 

Being charming, which basically means knowing how to say the right things (which is basically utilizing your shut up filter). 

And most importantly showing self control <--- if all systems are go, and it seems this lady wants to ride your pony, avoid the bedroom just once, have a nice date, drop her off at her house with a nice kiss, and once she gets that warm and fuzzy feeling and sees that you can control your sausage then you can fuck the shit out of her.. yeah.. good luck bro!


----------



## xiphoscesar

scottro202 said:


> I've found myself in a situation that seems pretty sweet. I'm a junior in high school
> 
> Basically, a few months ago, at a gig my band was playing, I met this really cute senior girl from my school (older woman...zomg). Anyways, she said she really liked me band, yaddy yaddy yadda. After that day we never really talked much, until this semester, where we're in the same Physics class. Even better, our teacher has assigned seats, and guess who's last name is directly after mine in our class? So yeah, she's sitting next to me in physics class.
> 
> From talking to her and stuff, I found not only is she pretty cool, but she listens to 2 of my favorite bands, Reel Big Fish and the Foo Fighters. Even better yet, she's learning guitar (like, started a week ago), and is a bit of a music buff overall.
> 
> From my perspective, this seems like a pretty sweet situation. So, ss.org, I ask you, how should I handle this and how do I now fuck this up?


i know where your coming from, ima sophomore and ive had situations like that too

just keep talking to her and that should lead you somewhere else,

try to get her to talk about herself (make it seem like your interested in her) and also it keeps the conversation going alot longer, so less chance of akward silence

if you dont already have it, ask for her number after a good conversation


----------



## Meatbucket

Ibanezsam4 said:


> control your sausage


Can I keep this quote? Please?


----------



## tacotiklah

vampiregenocide said:


> I have my limits like any man, but personally I don't mind a slightly bigger girl. More to love.



I like chubby girls myself. Personal experience has dictated that they have a better sense of humor (fat people like myself have to rely on it to exist), aren't afraid to eat awesome stuff (like triple baconators), and are complete animals in the sack. Seriously, they are down for some wild shit. 

And yeah, they give the best head....


----------



## MSalonen

Hey guys, I was hoping I could get some advice with something.

So last night was my friend's birthday, we went to a bar that had karaoke. And to make a long story short, I met this super cute girl who was there with her friend. They were getting bothered by drunk dudes, and so I played it cool and swept in with a save by having them sit at our table (after we had already been chatting for a bit).

When they had to go, I knew I should have gotten the girl's number, but totally didn't. So my best friend came through with an epic save and caught them before they left, and he told me they said I should come get it before they go. So I did, and totally went from being confident and assertive to being totally shy. But she did give me her number, saying that I shouldn't be, as well as some other nice things.

After they left, we had a little text convo.

Basically, it's been a long time since I've been so excited and nervous about someone new, and I don't know what to do. I figure I should wait a day (or two) before trying to get back in touch with her, but I have no idea!

Any and all help would be awesome.


----------



## Asrial

Jesus fuck, life gives the hugest mindfucks.  (Anecdotes incoming!)

I've had a slight crush on one of the girls of my class, and to the last classparty, I was massaging her hands randomly while chatting in a group, totally innocent (or wtf? Can't remember that much ), and 25 minutes after, sharp, her friends says she already got a boyfriend. Wtf.

Another girl from the class... I suspect her to be just slightly interested in me... And she is just really not my type, since she is overly techy and got a dry (not in a good way) sense of humor, geeky looking too. She got a twin, but she is occupied. If she was also single, I would've had second thoughts. 

Lastly, one of my colleagues who also happen to study at the A class (X class here) is just so retardedly beautiful, and whateverthefuck I could imagine, also a very cool person. But I just feel she's in a whole different league than me. Well, life goes on.

Could tell about my 2 other colleagues, but I'll save those to another time.


----------



## JamesM

Fuck the nerdy twins. Duh.

That's like, a gift from Thor or some shit. And you're refusing it.


----------



## Meatbucket

The Armada said:


> Fuck the nerdy twins. Duh.
> 
> That's like, a gift from Thor or some shit. And you're refusing it.


My sentiments exactly.


----------



## Varcolac

MSalonen said:


> Hey guys, I was hoping I could get some advice with something.
> 
> So last night was my friend's birthday, we went to a bar that had karaoke. And to make a long story short, I met this super cute girl who was there with her friend. They were getting bothered by drunk dudes, and so I played it cool and swept in with a save by having them sit at our table (after we had already been chatting for a bit).
> 
> When they had to go, I knew I should have gotten the girl's number, but totally didn't. So my best friend came through with an epic save and caught them before they left, and he told me they said I should come get it before they go. So I did, and totally went from being confident and assertive to being totally shy. But she did give me her number, saying that I shouldn't be, as well as some other nice things.
> 
> After they left, we had a little text convo.
> 
> Basically, it's been a long time since I've been so excited and nervous about someone new, and I don't know what to do. I figure I should wait a day (or two) before trying to get back in touch with her, but I have no idea!
> 
> Any and all help would be awesome.



The "rules" for waiting three days or whatever are rubbish. Do what you want. Suggest a fun thing to do, but don't come across like a desperate pervert. Or just get a coffee with her. She's shown interest, so half your work's done. All you need to do now is not balls it up. Good luck!


----------



## metal_sam14

Been having a pretty shit time of things in the love life department. after my last girlfriend cheated on me, then dragged me through hell with the breakup, I really don't have a whole lot of confidence left. recovering from depression doesn't really help matters either. 
I'm not looking for sympathy, just needed to vent.
I wish there were more nice girls out there, everyone just seems to be a shit person or a slut.


----------



## The Reverend

metal_sam14 said:


> Been having a pretty shit time of things in the love life department. after my last girlfriend cheated on me, then dragged me through hell with the breakup, I really don't have a whole lot of confidence left. recovering from depression doesn't really help matters either.
> I'm not looking for sympathy, just needed to vent.
> I wish there were more nice girls out there, everyone just seems to be a shit person or a slut.



I know the feeling man. The last two girls I dated over the last two years put me through that same shit.


----------



## Cuda

Ok I had a date with a cougar in November. Nothing really happened. I put her in the loss column.

Last night she called me, was drunk, and first thing she asked was "will you be my backup boyfriend?" I said "no, I am not going through that again."

We talked for a bit and she offered to come pick me up and go for diner and see what happens. So I hustled and got ready and she picked me up. 

She was pretty drunk lol.almost hit a parked truck on my street. I took over driving. She totally had the station wagon from terminator 2. Complete with an ignition that turned without a key.

We went to Jason's deli. Lol, she went to put a few packs of sugar in my tea and spilled it everywhere else. Lol w were kissing on each other hardcore.

Went to her house and we totally fucked all night, like 3 times. Freaking hot. Woke up this morning and did it again.

Anyway it was funny and cool. Only one problem... happened with the last girl and now her, they cum before I do and make me stop. I thought that was supposed to work the other way.


----------



## Asrial

+1 rep 
And life is still insanely slow... Just gtfo winter, and let the festivals arrive!


----------



## MickD7

metal_sam14 said:


> Been having a pretty shit time of things in the love life department. after my last girlfriend cheated on me, then dragged me through hell with the breakup, I really don't have a whole lot of confidence left. recovering from depression doesn't really help matters either.
> I'm not looking for sympathy, just needed to vent.
> I wish there were more nice girls out there, everyone just seems to be a shit person or a slut.



i know what you mean bro, been through the exact same thing with my ex girlfriend and its a bad ride lost 15 kgs in a month and a half drank every god damn night. Im not a big guy, was 85 kgs and now Im 70 kgs at 20 years old and I am not the tallest dude as well and have always been self conscious about my weight ect due to shit going back to high school and so on .

I've done the whole run around bang any good looking chick that you can get thing and Im ready to be done with that kind of thing because of one girl being way to full on for a friends with benefits thing, like telling me to cut my hair, shave off my beard, stop hanging out with my friends, spend less time with my family STOP LISTENING TO HEAVY METAL AND PLAYING GUITAR  She even had the nerve to tell me that I would "relapse" into my grief and depression over my ex girlfriend . So I told her enough is enough Im not interested. A kind way in form of saying F#$% OFF

Since then I actually met a real nice girl who has alot in common with me and after today man. I am confident in the idea of there actually being a basis to build a relationship on. Not just physically but emotionally as well. And today when we went out on our "first date" she gets in the car I had After The Burial on and she new who they where and asked if this was the new album because she only had a copy of Rareform  

I can dig a chick who knows her metal. Anyway after that she asks to have a look at who else I have on my Ipod and puts on a mixed playlist I made called "No More Head Trips"- Basically a mix of Meshuggah, Deftones, Tool, Pantera, Karnivool, ATB and BOO and she new every band and every songs lyrics. The fact that this girl likes these bands. Man I was so happy 

We had a huge talk about music and a lot of other things. Gonna try and set up another night to go out on either this week or next week. She is really keen. When I dropped her home she gave me a kiss and thanked me for a good morning and that she looks forward to seeing me again and asked me to come visit her at the cafe she works at. 

But with that being said man. My lesson learnt from the ex gf is simple. Dont try being the hero. I tried it for 2 years man and it got me nothing but heart broken in the end. Out there somewhere is a chick who is gonna meet you like you maybe even love you for who you are. Not your social standing or some shit like that. 

I carry a quote in my mind every day from Pantera's This Love
"No More Head Trips" 

Dont let them pull them on you bro. Im not saying man up or anything like that because thats wrong of me to do.

But I can tell you bro, you will pull your self back up one day. Relationships are a messed up thing sometimes and they arent any easier when you have your own personal things to deal with. I can say that I hate what I did to myself now. I suffered the worst from it and my family and friends felt the effects of it as well. Stupidity is never the answer to any of your problems.

good luck bro.
MD


----------



## Prydogga

Cuda said:


> Long story about fucking a drunk chick.



As soon as I read the start I thought this was going to be one of the worst ideas I'd seen a guy make, then I realized how genius it was! 

Also, getting stopped before you finish might suck, but beign embarrassed at finishing really early and her not, would suck worse in the long run. Maybe.


----------



## GATA4

Cuda said:


> Ok I had a date with a cougar in November. Nothing really happened. I put her in the loss column.
> 
> Last night she called me, was drunk, and first thing she asked was "will you be my backup boyfriend?" I said "no, I am not going through that again."
> 
> We talked for a bit and she offered to come pick me up and go for diner and see what happens. So I hustled and got ready and she picked me up.
> 
> She was pretty drunk lol.almost hit a parked truck on my street. I took over driving. She totally had the station wagon from terminator 2. Complete with an ignition that turned without a key.
> 
> We went to Jason's deli. Lol, she went to put a few packs of sugar in my tea and spilled it everywhere else. Lol w were kissing on each other hardcore.
> 
> Went to her house and we totally fucked all night, like 3 times. Freaking hot. Woke up this morning and did it again.
> 
> Anyway it was funny and cool. Only one problem... happened with the last girl and now her, they cum before I do and make me stop. I thought that was supposed to work the other way.



Dude, put it this way: you're a fucking legend and the problem you're currently having is what men all over the world dream about. Embrace those blue balls.

EDIT - stay with her for a few more weeks, then just start cumming on her face when she sleeps...you'll get away with it because she knows you do her real good. Frustration = solved.


----------



## Cuda

I love you guys.

Well, while true my problem is not that bad, has its up, but the down side is the women want me to cum for them and are slightly disappointed. I mean I made a drunk chick get off, and that is not easy at all, but she wasn't happy I didn't. 

I may not be the most experienced with getting women, but I think I am getting the hang of it. I shall apply my experience to hotter women. Like a friend said, "you would have better luck with good looking women because most men are too timid to try". 

At the least, I'll enjoy it while I can, and when it ends or whatever, I won't be heartbroken.


----------



## metal_sam14

MickD7 said:


> i know what you mean bro, been through the exact same thing with my ex girlfriend and its a bad ride lost 15 kgs in a month and a half drank every god damn night. Im not a big guy, was 85 kgs and now Im 70 kgs at 20 years old and I am not the tallest dude as well and have always been self conscious about my weight ect due to shit going back to high school and so on .
> 
> I've done the whole run around bang any good looking chick that you can get thing and Im ready to be done with that kind of thing because of one girl being way to full on for a friends with benefits thing, like telling me to cut my hair, shave off my beard, stop hanging out with my friends, spend less time with my family STOP LISTENING TO HEAVY METAL AND PLAYING GUITAR  She even had the nerve to tell me that I would "relapse" into my grief and depression over my ex girlfriend . So I told her enough is enough Im not interested. A kind way in form of saying F#$% OFF
> 
> Since then I actually met a real nice girl who has alot in common with me and after today man. I am confident in the idea of there actually being a basis to build a relationship on. Not just physically but emotionally as well. And today when we went out on our "first date" she gets in the car I had After The Burial on and she new who they where and asked if this was the new album because she only had a copy of Rareform
> 
> I can dig a chick who knows her metal. Anyway after that she asks to have a look at who else I have on my Ipod and puts on a mixed playlist I made called "No More Head Trips"- Basically a mix of Meshuggah, Deftones, Tool, Pantera, Karnivool, ATB and BOO and she new every band and every songs lyrics. The fact that this girl likes these bands. Man I was so happy
> 
> We had a huge talk about music and a lot of other things. Gonna try and set up another night to go out on either this week or next week. She is really keen. When I dropped her home she gave me a kiss and thanked me for a good morning and that she looks forward to seeing me again and asked me to come visit her at the cafe she works at.
> 
> But with that being said man. My lesson learnt from the ex gf is simple. Dont try being the hero. I tried it for 2 years man and it got me nothing but heart broken in the end. Out there somewhere is a chick who is gonna meet you like you maybe even love you for who you are. Not your social standing or some shit like that.
> 
> I carry a quote in my mind every day from Pantera's This Love
> "No More Head Trips"
> 
> Dont let them pull them on you bro. Im not saying man up or anything like that because thats wrong of me to do.
> 
> But I can tell you bro, you will pull your self back up one day. Relationships are a messed up thing sometimes and they arent any easier when you have your own personal things to deal with. I can say that I hate what I did to myself now. I suffered the worst from it and my family and friends felt the effects of it as well. Stupidity is never the answer to any of your problems.
> 
> good luck bro.
> MD



Cheers for the response mate, sounds like we went through really similar times, I OD'd on alcohol and sleeping pills a few times, NOT a good time.
Sounds like you have a keeper there dude! best of luck with everything.


----------



## cwhitey2

The Reverend said:


> I dated a girl once, purely based on her personality, and bad as it sounds, after two months I couldn't kiss her anymore. I couldn't go out in public with her, and I didn't even want to look at her that much, because her face grew uglier and uglier to me.
> 
> There HAS to be a physical attraction on some level. It's hard-wired into us.




Dude you are 100% right.
The last girl i was seeing was cool as shit. Her fav band was TBDM and we had so much in common. She wasn't hideous, i guess...less than 'normal' i guess haha. 

But i stopped kissing her and she was like whats wrong...

I was like, umm well nothing..._cough _I'm not attracted to you at all physically. I didnt actually say that to her...but after a couple days she got the hint.


----------



## Cheesebuiscut

Varcolac said:


> The "rules" for waiting three days or whatever are rubbish. Do what you want. Suggest a fun thing to do, but don't come across like a desperate pervert. Or just get a coffee with her. She's shown interest, so half your work's done. All you need to do now is not balls it up. Good luck!



Except with some girls, who take the 3 day rule overly seriously and will pass up their model boyfriend if he talks to them before then.


----------



## Varcolac

Cheesebuiscut said:


> Except with some girls, who take the 3 day rule overly seriously and will pass up their model boyfriend if he talks to them before then.



If she'd reject you over something as trivial as that you're better off without her. Least this way you find out sooner rather than later. Irony: rule #35 is "be easy to live with." Rules 1-34 turn you into a passive-aggressive attention whore.

If all the girls who take the rules seriously hooked up with all the guys who took the game seriously it'd make things a lot easier for the rest of us.*



*I've been monogamous for like a year now, so my view of dating may well be outdated. If guys have in the last 12 months started valuing mystery over personality, then kindly ignore my comments, wait 3 days, and enjoy your well-structured life lived by the rules.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Cheesebuiscut said:


> Except with some girls, who take the 3 day rule overly seriously and will pass up their model boyfriend if he talks to them before then.



Those girls are stupid. I've found that the people who strictly adhere to the norms, rules and conventions of the "laws of attraction" generally aren't capable of being entirely passionate about anything - which isn't the kind of girl for me. Women who play games, in my opinion, only do so because they're simply not creative, nor interesting enough to go about things in their own manner using their head, so they resort to the "rules".


----------



## Fzau

JeffFromMtl said:


> Those girls are stupid. I've found that the people who strictly adhere to the norms, rules and conventions of the "laws of attraction" generally aren't capable of being entirely passionate about anything - which isn't the kind of girl for me. Women who play games, in my opinion, only do so because they're simply not creative, nor interesting enough to go about things in their own manner using their head, so they resort to the "rules".



Hold on there cowboy, women who play games can be a lot of fun. It just depends on what kind of games, I guess. 'Games' are usually a matter of seduction and testing you, so I'd suggest everyone does the same to women! Who's the decider, us or them?


----------



## Cuda

Everyone plays games more or less. My only advice to keep in mind, there are no rules only boundaries ie certain lines that once crossed start a war.


----------



## MickD7

metal_sam14 said:


> Cheers for the response mate, sounds like we went through really similar times, I OD'd on alcohol and sleeping pills a few times, NOT a good time.
> Sounds like you have a keeper there dude! best of luck with everything.



early days bro but i could invest the time in a relationship with this chick for sure. Yeah man I had a terrible time, lots of music and my friends and family was my healing process thats why I lost it with that other girl telling me to do all that shit.

I was lucky enough to never wonder down the OD or drug path mate, but the alcohol yeah I had some issues with that, 1-3 Big bottles of Jack Daniels every 2 days. Needless to say I rarely drink now, when I do its only a few beers or something. 

But your welcome on the support man. Thats one of the best parts about the ss.org community. Alot of support around here.


----------



## Cheesebuiscut

My point was there are girls (more than I'd like to admit) who do follow that 3 day thing to a T.

and women very typically shut down for one very minor reason when talking to a guy. 

Just recently I almost jokingly hooked up an acquaintance and a co-worker of mine and because he started messaging her almost immediately after he got her number (so she claims) she was instantly turned off to him and was blabbing on about how he was supposed to wait a few days.

I think its ridiculous but it does exist. Though like I said women will shut down for any 1 small reason and completely lose interest so I wouldn't stress it because just about anything you do can fuck it up for you xD whether its stupid / makes sense or not.


----------



## metal_sam14

MickD7 said:


> early days bro but i could invest the time in a relationship with this chick for sure. Yeah man I had a terrible time, lots of music and my friends and family was my healing process thats why I lost it with that other girl telling me to do all that shit.
> 
> I was lucky enough to never wonder down the OD or drug path mate, but the alcohol yeah I had some issues with that, 1-3 Big bottles of Jack Daniels every 2 days. Needless to say I rarely drink now, when I do its only a few beers or something.
> 
> But your welcome on the support man. *Thats one of the best parts about the ss.org community. Alot of support around here*.



thats why I fucking love this forum, everyone is brilliant


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Fzau said:


> Hold on there cowboy, women who play games can be a lot of fun. It just depends on what kind of games, I guess. 'Games' are usually a matter of seduction and testing you, so I'd suggest everyone does the same to women! Who's the decider, us or them?



Yeah, it definitely does depend on the type of "game" they're into playing. If it's about seduction then yeah, I always appreciate a bit of fun, and of course, you've got to play along, as well as reciprocate in such instances, otherwise, you're just being the killjoy . It's the whole "well, he called me less than 3 days after the date, so he's desperate" sort of rules or whatever that are just ridiculous, and so are the girls who adhere to them.


----------



## tacotiklah

JeffFromMtl said:


> It's the whole "well, he called me less than 3 days after the date, so he's desperate" sort of rules or whatever that are just ridiculous, and so are the girls who adhere to them.



This. I find that if a girl doesn't have enough of a personality of her own to rise above "standard" rules like that crap, then she's not worth my time. I'm also very stubborn in that I will call a person back when I'm damn good and ready too. Telling me that I have to wait 3 days is retarded. If I like a person enough to put effort into getting their number, I usually call them back within a day.


----------



## JohnIce

I think the whole "game" thing is kinda misunderstood. Let's say you're buying a new guitar, you have certain licks to test the neck pickup, another set for the bridge pickup, some to test the playability, some stretchy chord grips to check the scale length... the idea of playing "games" in dating/relationships is the same, you have a couple of guide lines to see if this person is worth your time, based on your preferences and earlier experiences.

If you call a girl the day after meeting her, she won't be put off because you broke the 3-day rule. She'll be put off because you come off as clingy, and she's still filled with impressions of you from the day before that she needs a while to process and evaluate, without you butting in. I'm the same, a girl who texts me as soon as she's got on the bus home the morning after ruins a lot for me. And that's not just a guess either, it's happened quite a few times.

Picking up girls for me is about making a bunch of mistakes, learning from them by thinking REALLY hard about what went wrong, repeat until you start making more good moves than bad. Then you're making progress.

And for God's sake, be picky! A pretty face doesn't make a great woman, and wanting to have sex doesn't make every girl qualified for you. You need to respect yourself enough have a sense of perspective and the patience not to rush into things. The 3-day rule is worth shit if you become a clingy lapdog on that 3'd day.


----------



## Konfyouzd

JohnIce said:


> And for God's sake, be picky! A pretty face doesn't make a great woman, and wanting to have sex doesn't make every girl qualified for you.


 
It's a shame this needs to be said, but I'm glad it was...


----------



## JeffFromMtl

JohnIce said:


> I think the whole "game" thing is kinda misunderstood. Let's say you're buying a new guitar, you have certain licks to test the neck pickup, another set for the bridge pickup, some to test the playability, some stretchy chord grips to check the scale length... the idea of playing "games" in dating/relationships is the same, you have a couple of guide lines to see if this person is worth your time, based on your preferences and earlier experiences.
> 
> If you call a girl the day after meeting her, she won't be put off because you broke the 3-day rule. She'll be put off because you come off as clingy, and she's still filled with impressions of you from the day before that she needs a while to process and evaluate, without you butting in. I'm the same, a girl who texts me as soon as she's got on the bus home the morning after ruins a lot for me. And that's not just a guess either, it's happened quite a few times.
> 
> Picking up girls for me is about making a bunch of mistakes, learning from them by thinking REALLY hard about what went wrong, repeat until you start making more good moves than bad. Then you're making progress.
> 
> And for God's sake, be picky! A pretty face doesn't make a great woman, and wanting to have sex doesn't make every girl qualified for you. You need to respect yourself enough have a sense of perspective and the patience not to rush into things. *The 3-day rule is worth shit if you become a clingy lapdog on that 3'd day.*



Which is exactly why I say that the way some girls do these things is ridiculous. I've never personally been a victim of the 3-day rule or whatever, and I've never been part of a clingy-type relationship. I just think it's sad that some girls are willing to make their decisions based on a set of rules, rather than their experience with the person, and what their character is. Honestly, there are some girls I've been with who texted or called me the next day, and with some, yeah, it turned me off, but with others, I was totally cool with it. I think it's pretty heavily dependent on their character as well as yours, and the dynamic that the two of you have begun to develop.


----------



## Konfyouzd

JeffFromMtl said:


> I just think it's sad that *some* girls are willing to make their decisions based on a set of rules, rather than their experience with the person


 
Avoid these women... They're more trouble than they're worth if the situation bothers you that much. The fact that you can spot it puts you ahead of the proverbial game


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Konfyouzd said:


> Avoid these women... They're more trouble than they're worth if the situation bothers you that much. The fact that you can spot it puts you ahead of the proverbial game



 That, I do. I simply got into this conversation by commenting on someone else's post about the 3-day rule. Like I say, I haven't had a problem with it, and I've never been that guy with a problem getting girls, or picking the wrong ones. I was just stating that it's idiotic


----------



## Konfyouzd

^ Gotcha...


----------



## Meatbucket

The only problem I have with that "three day rule" thing is that, to me, it's pretty judgmental on the woman's part. What if I just want to call or text within those three days because I have some cool news or maybe just a conversation. That labels me clingy? To want to talk to someone after we, well, you know, went on a date? I guess I'm just crazy for wanting to chat a little like that, and I'm not even talking about those super long, deep discussions that lasts hours on the phone, just like maybe a quick few minutes or texts of how her day was or something. Too clingy though, huh?

I prefer the little things, but a lot of little things can make something big...I'm sure there's an innuendo in there somewhere.


----------



## Randy

Fuck bitches and their weird thinking.


----------



## InTheRavensName

Eh, my lass and I were texting each other the day after we met for the first time, and we just never stopped :'D . Just try to read the situation, and be affectionate without being obsessive.


----------



## GATA4

Randy said:


> Fuck bitches and their weird thinking.


----------



## JohnIce

Meatbucket said:


> The only problem I have with that "three day rule" thing is that, to me, it's pretty judgmental on the woman's part. What if I just want to call or text within those three days because I have some cool news or maybe just a conversation. That labels me clingy? To want to talk to someone after we, well, you know, went on a date? I guess I'm just crazy for wanting to chat a little like that, and I'm not even talking about those super long, deep discussions that lasts hours on the phone, just like maybe a quick few minutes or texts of how her day was or something. Too clingy though, huh?
> 
> I prefer the little things, but a lot of little things can make something big...I'm sure there's an innuendo in there somewhere.



It doesn't have to be a bad thing, but it can also send a message that you are more interested in her than she is in you, and think of it what you will, that is often a turn-off. It could also make her think you don't have anything else to do, and how sexy is that? And it could very well be different if you just waited a bit. Attraction is about wanting, not getting. If you end on a good note, let it sit for a few days and let her image of you grow a little. Make her anticipate you getting back in touch, because she'll be much more positive when you do.

Besides, if she really liked you but starts to doubt if you feel the same way, that is incredibly powerful. She'll be stoked when you do get back in touch.

It's not playing games, it's understanding attraction and making the most out of it. There are exceptions but why risk it? If you're a good match then some time apart won't change that, so just relax.


----------



## Fzau

JOHN IS BACK IN DIS BITCH! 

I am single again, John.. just for you?


----------



## Cheesebuiscut

JohnIce said:


> It's not playing games, it's understanding attraction (and the games it creates for you to play)


----------



## meisterjager

Single as of yesterday 

After a year together, she finished with me over a series of *text messages*, cos she has 'too much of her own stuff she needs to sort out', and doesn't want me to witness her going through them. FWIW, she hasn't got anything going on..  

My life's almost been on a hiatus because I was with her, but that's obviously no biggie, ya know


----------



## meisterjager

^ .. and wouldn't you know it, she's already trying to change her story mere minutes after I actually posted that 

Why would someone want distance from someone they say they're in love with when they're going through hard times?


----------



## WickedSymphony

JohnIce said:


> And for God's sake, be picky! A pretty face doesn't make a great woman, and wanting to have sex doesn't make every girl qualified for you.



Damn straight, she's gotta have a nice ass and set of tits to go with that pretty face too.


----------



## metal_sam14

WickedSymphony said:


> Damn straight, she's gotta have a nice ass and set of tits to go with that pretty face too.



QFT

personality is a huge part of it sure, but if they don't give you a rise in the pants then its not happening people!


----------



## tacotiklah

meisterjager said:


> ^ .. and wouldn't you know it, she's already trying to change her story mere minutes after I actually posted that
> 
> Why would someone want distance from someone they say they're in love with when they're going through hard times?



While it might not be true in your case, I find that when women do that, they've got another dude in mind and have either already cheated on you with said guy, or else are planning to get with said guy.

If she texted you back saying something like "I love you...blah, blah blah" then it means she's having 2nd thoughts, but most likely will go through with it anyways.

Like the tag I made for this thread, women are dicks.


----------



## Fzau

WickedSymphony said:


> Damn straight, she's gotta have a nice ass and set of tits to go with that pretty face too.



I'm such a lucky bastard.


----------



## Cuda

So the couga lady is trying to get me to go see her. I've been blowing her off a little, but I have been busy with a bit of other stuff lately. Last night she told me she went on a date with some other dude. Later she texted me she had a terrible time etc etc

Now, I am pretty sure she is playing games, most likely trying to force my hand and make me commit. I find this unappealing and it causes an inverse effect of her desired intention.

I think I want to tell her, nah, forget about it and find a better gf anyways.


----------



## MFB

Someone sent me this "question" on my Formspring, and I figured since it kind of/sorta deal with love, you guys might get a kick out of it

Q : Ready for valentines day?? My friend showed me this awesome site for spicing up valentines day ) I thought you might like it, tiny.cc/valday - oh btw you will NEVER guess who this is )

A. I'll never guess who this is? Good news! I don't give two flying fucks who it is, nor am I copying some stupid fucking link left by an anonymous twatbag on my Formspring. Hope you enjoyed taking time out of your day only to have me drop a steaming pile of hatred on it.

Toodles.


----------



## Cheesebuiscut




----------



## metal_sam14

Angry bullshit ahead, you have been warned.

My ex, who cheated on me, dragged me through absolute fucking hell, now has a boyfriend. I don't give a fuck that she has a boyfriend, unlucky for him. what pisses me off is that she gets to be happy, and I get stuck with depression.  its crap, she really doesn't deserve it, and I know I sound like the biggest emo twat right now but fuck its annoying.

/vent


----------



## MickD7

metal_sam14 said:


> Angry bullshit ahead, you have been warned.
> 
> My ex, who cheated on me, dragged me through absolute fucking hell, now has a boyfriend. I don't give a fuck that she has a boyfriend, unlucky for him. what pisses me off is that she gets to be happy, and I get stuck with depression.  its crap, she really doesn't deserve it, and I know I sound like the biggest emo twat right now but fuck its annoying.
> 
> /vent



feel the pain of that situation man and its a shit one. Just remember that she can rot for all you care man, but you cant carry that kind of hate in you forever because itll do you personally no good. 

Just remember she's is gonna thrive off your suffering. From my experience woman are like that you just gotta wake up in the morning one day and not give a shit about her and care about yourself. 

Surround yourself with family and friends man, read a good book listen to shit loads of music do the stuff that you enjoy and makes you feel better it helps man trust me. 

I carried hate like that in me for ages and it made me depressed and all sorts of shit. It becomes a poison and eats away at you... but only you can cure it bro. 

Sorry about the personal hell that you are going through dude. Its never easy but remember at the end of the day. Look after yourself. You dont want to dance down that road of danger again.


----------



## renzoip

MickD7 said:


> feel the pain of that situation man and its a shit one. Just remember that she can rot for all you care man, but you cant carry that kind of hate in you forever because itll do you personally no good.
> 
> Just remember she's is gonna thrive off your suffering. From my experience woman are like that you just gotta wake up in the morning one day and not give a shit about her and care about yourself.
> 
> Surround yourself with family and friends man, read a good book listen to shit loads of music do the stuff that you enjoy and makes you feel better it helps man trust me.
> 
> I carried hate like that in me for ages and it made me depressed and all sorts of shit. It becomes a poison and eats away at you... but only you can cure it bro.
> 
> Sorry about the personal hell that you are going through dude. Its never easy but remember at the end of the day. Look after yourself. You dont want to dance down that road of danger again.



+ 1 

Also, keep in mind that just because she just got a new boyfriends, it does not automatically mean that she is happy. I can tell you from experience, these type of women will never make such a shit move on a guy unless they have already a "backup." However, most of the time these new relationships ens up being much worst for them. It happened to two of my exes, who thought they were "too good for me. The best part is when they realized their plan failed and they run back to you thinking that you are gonna take them back, and then realize you have moved on to bigger and better things.

Things may seem unfair now, but it is up to you to stop caring about how she is doing. She could win the lottery, and that should not matter to you. Take care of yourself and surround yourself with good people. Also, spend time cultivating and harvesting your hobbies (guitar, etc.); be productive and you will feel good about yourself. Life will take care of her so don't worry. Once you are better, you'll laugh at how you used to dwell so much on a girl who is so below your level.


----------



## MickD7

renzoip said:


> + 1
> 
> Also, keep in mind that just because she just got a new boyfriends, it does not automatically mean that she is happy. I can tell you from experience, these type of women will never make such a shit move on a guy unless they have already a "backup." However, most of the time these new relationships ens up being much worst for them. It happened to two of my exes, who thought they were "too good for me. The best part is when they realized their plan failed and they run back to you thinking that you are gonna take them back, and then realize you have moved on to bigger and better things.
> 
> Things may seem unfair now, but it is up to you to stop caring about how she is doing. She could win the lottery, and that should not matter to you. Take care of yourself and surround yourself with good people. Also, spend time cultivating and harvesting your hobbies (guitar, etc.); be productive and you will feel good about yourself. Life will take care of her so don't worry. Once you are better, you'll laugh at how you used to dwell so much on a girl who is so below your level.



yeah man cultivate in your hobbies. ive spent the better part of the last few shit months practicing my arse off to ease off all that pain. It helps so dont think twice about doing it.


----------



## metal_sam14

Cheers guys, really appreciate the responses  thanks a bunch


----------



## MickD7

no worries bro. my mindset of distracting myself has lead me to refinishing my 7321 gonna start a thread on it soon. just debating on to things lime green or natural?


----------



## metal_sam14

I personally LOVE natural guitars, but lime green will look pretty damn hot too haha

my distractions include: black ops, guitar, social drinking and listening to feel good acoustic ballads


----------



## MickD7

^ Josh Pyke man I found his stuff really good when I was down. Especially the album Memories and Dust. Yeah Im thinking natural aye. 

That being said I think my chances with this chick I was talking about are slim. Why? Because as cool as she is and as beautiful and smart and everything, she could probably be with any guy except a loser like me.. sorry Im feeling a bit rubbish after realizing this.


----------



## metal_sam14

MickD7 said:


> ^ Josh Pyke man I found his stuff really good when I was down. Especially the album Memories and Dust. Yeah Im thinking natural aye.
> 
> That being said I think my chances with this chick I was talking about are slim. Why? Because as cool as she is and as beautiful and smart and everything, she could probably be with any guy except a loser like me.. sorry Im feeling a bit rubbish after realizing this.



you never know unless you try mate, go for it!


----------



## Varcolac

MickD7 said:


> That being said I think my chances with this chick I was talking about are slim. Why? Because as cool as she is and as beautiful and smart and everything, she could probably be with any guy except a loser like me.. sorry Im feeling a bit rubbish after realizing this.



Let _her_ be the judge of that, not you. People are always too critical of themselves. Case in point: on the course I'm doing, my estimate of my overall level of accomplishment was a good ten percentage points below what I actally achieved. Just got the marks back and to my surprise I'm top of the class. Self-criticism is healthy; it helps us improve ourselves. However, it should always be taken with a truckload of salt. Others do not perceive you the way you perceive you.


----------



## MSalonen

Sorry to be getting back to this convo so late, but I wanted to thank you guys for the input.

Also, as far as my opinion on the whole 'Game' and so-called "Rules", I can understand the logic behind them, and don't necessarily think they're wrong, or that people are wrong for following them. But with that said, I don't follow them, because it's just not who I am. My actions aren't based on them, I instead just try to follow what I feel is right.

Would I get more action if I did? Probably. But I'm okay with that. In the past, I have followed them, and for the most part it worked. In the short term. But if a relationship turned serious, things fell apart. Mostly because the foundation wasn't built upon me being the person I am at heart, in terms of how I am naturally and what makes me happy. Besides, I don't care about flings or casual relationships based predominately on sex anymore. It just doesn't do it for me.

Anyway!

I ended up texting that girl the following afternoon, and we ended up going out on a dinner date last tuesday. Then we talked a bit here and there via text for the rest of the week until last night, when she joined my friends and I at the bar. According to my female friend, she was "obviously attracted to me", but I'm not so sure. But I'm not sure if that has to do with me just being nervous (though I didn't show it, because I was having too good of a time) or if my instincts are right. I'm also confused because she stopped what she was doing to go out that other night, but then also doesn't seem too responsive to offers to hang out in general, and yet she also seemed really bummed out when I missed her texts friday night.

Anyway, last night after we parted ways, I went with my instincts and gave her an idea of how I felt, making it clear without spilling my guts (though in hindsight I really wish I hadn't done it through a text message). And I didn't hear back. Which, as much as it sucks, is ultimately ok. Because like I said earlier, I can't lie, and I won't play games. I don't want to be in a relationship where they are a part of the foundation.

So when I didn't hear back from her today, I kind of gave up hope. It hurt, but it wasn't the end of the world. Tonight though, she sent me a text that said she was sorry she hasn't talked today, and that she's been thinking a lot. So now it seems like it could go either way.

On one hand, she clearly has some degree of attraction or she would have probably just flat out said she just wanted to be friends or something. On the other, she may think I'm more interested in her than she is in me, which could very well be the case. Honestly, I have no idea.

As much as I want to be with her, I just hope that whatever happens is what's for the best.


----------



## Cuda

Good luck man, I think you are using wise judgement and doing it right. It never hurts to give a little space and let her have some time, the rule is more a guidline about coming off as clingy or trying too hard to put pressure on the girl.

@MickD - think positive for positve results bro. I know quite a few babes with "loser" boyfriends. Not implying you are a loser, just saying you have a good chance if you don't come off negatively.


----------



## Asrial

@Cuda; That's funny, I've only tried where the hot chicks digs the cunts, and what's left is the friendly, but not-so-hot girls. Only once did I manage to "score" someone who was pretty decent, but she then wreaks me and goes straight after my then-being best friend.

My self esteem around girls are ATM nonexistant because of this shit


----------



## flo

^sucks


----------



## renzoip

Varcolac said:


> Let _her_ be the judge of that, not you. People are always too critical of themselves. Case in point: on the course I'm doing, my estimate of my overall level of accomplishment was a good ten percentage points below what I actally achieved. Just got the marks back and to my surprise I'm top of the class. Self-criticism is healthy; it helps us improve ourselves. However, it should always be taken with a truckload of salt. Others do not perceive you the way you perceive you.




^ 

I have been debating whether or not I should ask this girl out or let her know I like her. She is pretty hot/smart/fun; I do have a feeling that she likes me. The thing is, Idk whether she likes me as a friend or as something else. After much deliberation, I decided that there is only one way to know for sure! 

Now, I do not discard the she might turn me down. And like many of you, I've grown up with fear of rejection. However, I'm starting to think that after all rejection isn't all that bad if one can assimilate it objectively. If she turns me down, I know at least it won't be because she thinks I'm a complete douche or horrible looking. Last year I had to turn down a girl that liked me; I felt like shit for doing it, but I honestly didn't want to lie to her about the chances of of begin together. Interestingly, while she wasn't happy about it, she took it very maturely. We are still friends, if not closer friends now that we had the opportunity to talk about our feeling. That experience has changed my perception.

So, I have decided to go for it. If it works out, great. If it doesn't, I'll live. I don't need a girl in my life to be happy. Still, we don't live 100 years and I got nothing to lose by trying. 


Just sharing some thoughts.

Also: Wish me luck!!


----------



## stryker1800

It took me a good month and a half or two months to get back in touch with a chick after the last time I saw her, and she called me because she heard i was talking to someone else, didn't even think she liked me at all, a month after that I'm getting laid.


----------



## powerofze

Oh god, I could surely use this thread. I'm definitely the pickiest guy ever when it comes to girls. 

So let's see, most of you guys would probably think "Wow dude, you are in heaven, what the fuck is holding you back?" When I tell you that I am in a university program that has 4 males including myself, and 90 females. What's good is that we take every class together too (and except for one class, it is just exclusively us)

Now while I do admit that I enjoy being "The guy", I have yet to take advantage of any of this really just yet. I currently have an eye on one girl (yes you read it, one ONE 1, out of 90) and that's about it.

At first it may seem like I'm in a great situation if I tell you my relationship with this girl right now but some weird girl logics has me confused

Long story short, it appears as she likes me, and she doesn't even hide the fact. She touches me she says "you love me", "we were meant to be together", hell she even talks about me possibly making a good husband. 

But when I first tried to bring up this whole idea of dating, she kind of got flaky, so I'm kind of left here confused. I'm definitely not upset or anything due to my girl:guy ratio but it's rare when I find a girl that's "right" for me. 

My current solution that I'm playing around with is either a) Game her harder or b) Screw this and move on

Any input?


----------



## reptillion

ghstofperdition said:


> Like the tag I made for this thread, women are dicks.



You are what you eat


----------



## MSalonen

Alright, so I haven't heard from the girl in about two days now, Sunday night being the last time I heard from her (with the text saying sorry for not talking, and that she's just been thinking a lot).

Normally that wouldn't bother me, except the current circumstances surrounding it are obviously taking their toll on me. I'm really worried, and have pretty much lost all hope for this situation turning out well. I mean, I know I'll be fine, but it's really rare for me to genuinely like someone this much.

Ugh.


----------



## Konfyouzd

So... About that going out and getting one thing... I totally failed. Oh well.


----------



## soliloquy

i think the moral of this thread should be the following:
women are evil to begin with.
however, when they hit their period, they achieve a whole new level of evil that makes pol pot and hitler blush. 


i HATE women on their period. my girlfriend becomes a total bitch once every 5 or 6 months. can i blame her? not exactly, coz it is natural and hormonal and temprorary...but its just fucked

my girlfriend is on of those people that, when she gets upset, she rather be around people than left alone...so that means when she is pmsing, she needs me around her. however, when i am around her, she bites my head off. when i'm not and i give her space, she bites my head off. when i am in between and doing neither (giving her space or in her face), i get my head cut off...if thats not the case, then she demands a break up for no legitimate reason other than 'it will be easier on me not to deal with her shit'....but i've seen my other female friends, and they are no better....

stupid pms!


----------



## renzoip

soliloquy said:


> i think the moral of this thread should be the following:
> women are evil to begin with.
> however, when they hit their period, they achieve a whole new level of evil that makes pol pot and hitler blush.
> 
> 
> i HATE women on their period. my girlfriend becomes a total bitch once every 5 or 6 months. can i blame her? not exactly, coz it is natural and hormonal and temprorary...but its just fucked
> 
> my girlfriend is on of those people that, when she gets upset, she rather be around people than left alone...so that means when she is pmsing, she needs me around her. however, when i am around her, she bites my head off. when i'm not and i give her space, she bites my head off. when i am in between and doing neither (giving her space or in her face), i get my head cut off...if thats not the case, then she demands a break up for no legitimate reason other than 'it will be easier on me not to deal with her shit'....but i've seen my other female friends, and they are no better....
> 
> stupid pms!




... suddenly being single does not seem so bad. 



I kid, I kid.


----------



## WickedSymphony

Never trust anything that bleeds that much and doesn't die, I always say.


----------



## metal_sam14

WickedSymphony said:


> Never trust anything that bleeds that much and doesn't die, I always say.



Snap


----------



## Cheesebuiscut




----------



## MSalonen

Not to belabor my previous point, but considering that Sunday night was when I last heard from the girl (with her saying she's sorry for not talking, and that she's just been thinking a lot) and it is now Wednesday night... I wanted to give her the space she seemed to need, but at this point...

Whatever hope I had left is now pretty much gone. And I feel like shit, even though I know it'll be ok.

I don't even know if I should bother trying to call or text her. Or what to do at all.


----------



## Blood Ghost

WickedSymphony said:


> Never trust anything that bleeds that much and doesn't die, I always say.



That was fucking priceless.


----------



## Randy

Randy needs a hug, ATM. That is all.


----------



## WickedSymphony




----------



## Randy

Thanks.


----------



## WickedSymphony

No problem, bud.


----------



## Meatbucket

So I went on a date with a model the other day, and you know what? It was probably the best date I've ever been on. Time to stop being a reclusive fuck.


----------



## Randy

+1 one to not being a reclusive fuck.


----------



## WickedSymphony

Grats on your date man! I wish I wasn't a reclusive fuck


----------



## Meatbucket

Randy said:


> +1 one to not being a reclusive fuck.





WickedSymphony said:


> Grats on your date man! I wish I wasn't a reclusive fuck


Fuck yer. Let's get everyone on dates with models. It would boost publicity for ss.org and make us all look way more awesome and important than we really are!


----------



## 13point9

Since my last post about my fiancée leaving me over 5 months ago, nothing has changed, yeah i suck THAT much hahaha


----------



## Randy

I think by definition that WOULD make us awesome and important.


----------



## Randy

13point9 said:


> Since my last post about my fiancée leaving me over 5 months ago, nothing has changed, yeah i suck THAT much hahaha





I dragged out a nightmare of an ordeal for... oh... around 8 or 9 months. Thought it was over and then I got broadsided in the last two days.


----------



## ralphy1976

Meatbucket said:


> So I went on a date with a model the other day, and you know what? It was probably the best date I've ever been on. Time to stop being a reclusive fuck.



this calls for


----------



## Daggorath

Split up with my fianceé/gf of 5-6 years (off and on) just before xmas, and I felt terrible the first week or so; but I've realised a few things since, that I couldn't see whilst I was going along, living my life in such a half-arsed fashion. So now the financial burden of a women and a place are gone, I can afford to go back into full-time education and actually achieve like I should've originally. I feel very positive currently, although there are sporadic anxious feelings that are brought one when I get reminded of her. It's very weird coming out of a relationship that I entered as a boy and left as a man.


----------



## soliloquy

Daggorath said:


> Split up with my fianceé/gf of 5-6 years (off and on) just before xmas, and I felt terrible the first week or so; but I've realised a few things since, that I couldn't see whilst I was going along, living my life in such a half-arsed fashion. So now the financial burden of a women and a place are gone, I can afford to go back into full-time education and actually achieve like I should've originally. I feel very positive currently, although there are sporadic anxious feelings that are brought one when I get reminded of her. It's very weird coming out of a relationship that I entered as a boy and left as a man.



for what its worth, before i met my girlfriend, i had over 7 grand just sitting in my account in savings. 7 grand is a HUGE sum of money for a 20 year old who is paying his own tuition, buying his own food, paying for his own gas and all, all the while buying gear as well, and all this out of a part time job paying minimum wage...

fast forward to a year and a half later (into the relationship), and that 7 grand turns into 800 bucks, and me being miserable and holding onto each and every penny i can as my tuition coming up is worth 4 grand....

women suck!


----------



## Mr Violence

Randy said:


> I dragged out a nightmare of an ordeal for... oh... around 8 or 9 months. Thought it was over and then I got broadsided in the last two days.



I know we just talked about it, but come get some BEER.


----------



## SAWitall

This is a bit off topic; in a sense. but i found a new game plan...you know those girls who just didnt work out? your now in the friend category buddy.

BUT thats not neccessarily a bad thing. why you ask? simple, chick friends make the best ambassadors to female ways, they have friends. they can start a conversation with beautiful complete strangers in ways that we cant...and best of all (just using an example here) girls get jealous, they like competition. nothing does that faster than tagged photos of you and some girls on facebook or whatever social networking site you choose to use. use your assets man; just cuz it didnt work out doesnt mean that the girl isnt helpful.


----------



## TreWatson

almost got laid with the ex again. she says she has a boyfriend and doesnt want to ruin her relationship. with her shirt off and pants around her ankles. and being how i am, i had to oblige her and stop, dealing with that entire awkward mess of a situation because she neglected to tell me she wasn;t single anymore.

unfortunately I'm coming to realize that even outside of sex, i really am in love with this girl and i feel about her a way i never have for anyone else. we havent been together in six years, just started talking to her 2 years ago, and when she isn't here, i miss her a terrible amount. i can talk to her about anything, and i'm always happy around her, even when i'm miserable. this sucks.

:|

also,my balls are now the loveliest shade of navy blue .

i gotta get the hell out of maryland.


----------



## Meatbucket

TreWatson said:


> also,my balls are now the loveliest shade of navy blue .


Send pix to Randy?

Also a change of atmosphere wouldn't hurt.


----------



## TreWatson

Meatbucket said:


> Send pix to Randy?
> 
> Also a change of atmosphere wouldn't hurt.


i'll keep that in mind when i need some banhammer time.

and yeah. i can't afford to move out, I'm a broke-ass student.

maybe i just need to go somewhere outside of my usual hangouts.


----------



## metal_sam14

TreWatson said:


> almost got laid with the ex again. she says she has a boyfriend and doesnt want to ruin her relationship. with her shirt off and pants around her ankles. and being how i am, i had to oblige her and stop, dealing with that entire awkward mess of a situation because she neglected to tell me she wasn;t single anymore.
> 
> unfortunately I'm coming to realize that even outside of sex, i really am in love with this girl and i feel about her a way i never have for anyone else. we havent been together in six years, just started talking to her 2 years ago, and when she isn't here, i miss her a terrible amount. i can talk to her about anything, and i'm always happy around her, even when i'm miserable. this sucks.
> 
> :|
> 
> also,my balls are now the loveliest shade of navy blue .
> 
> i gotta get the hell out of maryland.



Hang in there bud, these feelings will pass. she obviously ins't faithful to her relationship, and trust me (from personal experience) there is no worse feeling than being cheated on by your gf.


----------



## TreWatson

metal_sam14 said:


> Hang in there bud, these feelings will pass. she obviously ins't faithful to her relationship, and trust me (from personal experience) there is no worse feeling than being cheated on by your gf.


yeah man, i know. it's a rough situation. but it'll be ok. I'd rather find a girl faithful to me anyway.


----------



## metal_sam14

TreWatson said:


> yeah man, i know. it's a rough situation. but it'll be ok. *I'd rather find a girl faithful to me* anyway.



you and me both!


----------



## vampiregenocide

My three best female friends are the complete epitome of everything I would ever look for in a woman. Fml.


----------



## WickedSymphony

That's why they're your best female friends 

It's ok though, Ross. I'm in the same boat as you on that one!


----------



## Randy

Mr Violence said:


> I know we just talked about it, but come get some BEER.


----------



## TreWatson

Randy said:


>


my nudes are in your inbox.

happy birthday.

...wait.

your birthday is my birthday.

...FAAAAAAAACK.

anyway, little update. 2 other girls have come out of the woodworks, they're both great old friends and i had a feeling they liked me.

buuuut,

both are larger girls ( to the point that its an issue with their health, both of them, no, i'm not shallow)

and one is young enough to get me thrown in jail. :|

3 steps forward 2 steps back.


----------



## soliloquy

TreWatson said:


> 3 steps forward 2 steps back.




correction: 

3 steps forward
6 steps back


----------



## Murmel

So basically, my day. And you know what they say, a picture says more than a thousand words.
And yes, I made it myself


----------



## Cuda

I've been there Murmel.

So, I met a girl online and got. To talk with her on the phone tonight.

Seriously, I haven't felt like this about a girl in years, if ever. Only issue is she lives a few hours away from me. Other than that, everything about her is perfect so far. Taste in music, taste in video games and very pretty too. I couldn't ask for more.


----------



## TreWatson

Cuda said:


> I've been there Murmel.
> 
> So, I met a girl online and got. To talk with her on the phone tonight.
> 
> Seriously, I haven't felt like this about a girl in years, if ever. Only issue is she lives a few hours away from me. Other than that, everything about her is perfect so far. Taste in music, taste in video games and very pretty too. I couldn't ask for more.


i will cross my fingers that it isn't a man cleverly trolling you.


----------



## Cuda

TreWatson said:


> i will cross my fingers that it isn't a man cleverly trolling you.



Thanks, in this day and age, that's the best sentiment a bro can wish for you. Uh I am pretty sure its all cool though. Spent a good bit of today texting and talking on the phone. If its really a man, he should be a voice actor.

But anyway, we are planning to meet around the weekend of febuary 12th. She is cool and I totally felt all  when she quoted a file from Resident Evil.


----------



## 13point9

Cuda said:


> she quoted a file from Resident Evil.



you know its love when she quotes Resi haha


----------



## WickedSymphony

13point9 said:


> you know it's a zombie when she quotes Resi haha



Fixed.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

I never really looked through this thread because I thought it was one of those pussy whiny outfits where everyone whines about some painfully simple problem they're having with some goofy girl. Luckily it isn't all that way. This thread is an interesting read.

I figure amongst some of the bad news here, I'll throw my story into the heap. Well it's not bad actually. I've been seriously involved with a guy for about a month now and I'm practically living at his house. I only go back home to make sure my guitar is still in tune. It's pretty cool actually, we both love watching horribly cheesy horror movies, talking about and listening to old school death metal, we play video games all day and at night we go on the hunt for stoner food and booze. We're both highly inappropriate and offensive at all times so we can amuse eachother regardless of the boringness around us..life's pretty good. I'm typing this from his room now, actually, while playing SpiceWorld the video game (it happens to be a favorite of his too, and he found it for me. Sweet).

It kinda reminds me of that episode of Family Guy.

Stewie: Well, you wanna know what I learned this week? Being a grown-up sucks. Women, Brian, what a royal pain in the ass. It's like, it's like why can't you just hang out with guys, you know, just live with someone of your own sex, just do what you do with women, but with your buddy. You know wha, why don't guys just do that? 

Brian: They do. It's called being gay. 

Stewie: Oh, is that what gay is? Oh, yeah. I could totally get into that.


----------



## Taylor2

Sorry guys, gotta share.


So I met this chick a few months ago online (mistake #1).
Added Facebooks and whatnot.
Began getting to know eachother quite well, began to really like her.
We were planning visits (she lived in anaheim), when I found a youtube channel of the same person, but not the one I met.
After a few months now we were quite serious.

I questioned her about it, and it turns out that she's a fake of a girl in the UK.

There's a lot more to the story but fuck, I'm really messed up right now.

After more then a year being single, waiting to find someone fantastic, think I find someone, get fucked.

I'm so messed up about this.
Even though I shouldn't be.

Hooray for being nice.


Learn from my mistakes : Online dating = almost always too good to be true.


----------



## Varcolac

Taylor said:


> Sorry guys, gotta share.
> 
> 
> So I met this chick a few months ago online (mistake #1).
> Added Facebooks and whatnot.
> Began getting to know eachother quite well, began to really like her.
> We were planning visits (she lived in anaheim), when I found a youtube channel of the same person, but not the one I met.
> After a few months now we were quite serious.
> 
> I questioned her about it, and it turns out that she's a fake of a girl in the UK.
> 
> There's a lot more to the story but fuck, I'm really messed up right now.
> 
> After more then a year being single, waiting to find someone fantastic, think I find someone, get fucked.
> 
> I'm so messed up about this.
> Even though I shouldn't be.
> 
> Hooray for being nice.
> 
> 
> Learn from my mistakes : Online dating = almost always too good to be true.



wat.

Does she just have the same name or is she pretending to be someone else? 'cause if it's the fomer, you're being weird. If it's the latter, she's even weirder. Either way you get weird kinky sex out of it so quit complainin'.


----------



## Taylor2

Pretending to be someone else.

Hard to get "weird kinky sex" out of someone 3000 miles away who doesn't exist.


----------



## MFB

Taylor said:


> Sorry guys, gotta share.
> 
> 
> So I met this chick a few months ago online (mistake #1).
> Added Facebooks and whatnot.
> Began getting to know eachother quite well, began to really like her.
> We were planning visits (she lived in anaheim), when I found a youtube channel of the same person, but not the one I met.
> After a few months now we were quite serious.
> 
> I questioned her about it, and it turns out that she's a fake of a girl in the UK.
> 
> There's a lot more to the story but fuck, I'm really messed up right now.
> 
> After more then a year being single, waiting to find someone fantastic, think I find someone, get fucked.
> 
> I'm so messed up about this.
> Even though I shouldn't be.
> 
> Hooray for being nice.
> 
> 
> Learn from my mistakes : Online dating = almost always too good to be true.



You should check out the movie Catfish bro

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catfish_(film)


----------



## wannabguitarist

Does anyone here ever get second thoughts about their current relationships? This is honestly the happiest I've ever been in a relationship but every once in a while when I go out without her I see all the "missed opportunity" out there and wonder why the hell I'm in a committed relationship while I'm in college. It kinda worries me


----------



## ryaneatsbrains

Personally I really enjoy being single, not from a fuck anything that walks/ one night stand seven nights a week perspective. I'm more interested/akin to simply living my life and striving to reach some goals. Besides women and logic are like oil and water, the two just don't mix [same can be said for males, but in my experiences this has proven to be truth for many more women than men]. I also have not met a woman that can lie and seem convincing in the slightest [I know how to read body language/mannerisms, not saying I've never lied or am picture perfect but I'd rather sacrifice my scrotum to a mako shark than ever let any succubus attempt to suck my soul out of my dick ever again. Just to be clear I don't consider myself sexist, nor do I hit women or harass them. I simply see life on the planet for what it really is and cast aside all of the convoluted delusions.


----------



## Fzau

ryaneatsbrains said:


> Personally I really enjoy being single, not from a fuck anything that walks/ one night stand seven nights a week perspective. I'm more interested/akin to simply living my life and striving to reach some goals. Besides women and logic are like oil and water, the two just don't mix [same can be said for males, but in my experiences this has proven to be truth for many more women than men]. I also have not met a woman that can lie and seem convincing in the slightest [I know how to read body language/mannerisms, not saying I've never lied or am picture perfect but I'd rather sacrifice my scrotum to a mako shark than ever let any succubus attempt to suck my soul out of my dick ever again. Just to be clear I don't consider myself sexist, nor do I hit women or harass them. I simply see life on the planet for what it really is and cast aside all of the convoluted delusions.



I completely agree with you to some extent. There is much more besides the opposite sex, and it should never be a goal in life imo. But as I see it, relationships or girls in general are more of an extra - it's nice to have but not necessary in any way. Sure, it's nice to love someone and be loved but that doesn't make you who you are and that won't help you reach YOUR goals. And if happiness is a goal, you should search it within yourself, not in someone else (which to me is important to realize). HOWEVER, it is nice to have someone with whom you share the same feelings, hobbies and feel appreciated by. I'm saying this after being deliberately single for two years. 
The 'logic' behind women and relationships isn't all that intuitive however, it takes time to understand and may differ from girl to girl. Plus, it's also a matter of finding the right person I guess.
Moral of the story: relationships are nice to have, if you got your own life in order. 

But I must say me and my gf are very happy together, especially since we both more or less share the same sentiment about relationships (see above) and keep it light and fresh. I still love Brandon and Pry though


----------



## Taylor2

MFB said:


> You should check out the movie Catfish bro
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catfish_(film)


 
That is spooky.

Nearly exactly the same situation.


----------



## renzoip

ryaneatsbrains said:


> Personally I really enjoy being single, not from a fuck anything that walks/ one night stand seven nights a week perspective. I'm more interested/akin to simply living my life and striving to reach some goals.



This I agree with. 

Not saying that having a girl in your life will automatically hinder you striving to reach your goals. But many guys do end up investing lots of our time and energy into women and losing focus on our long term goals. Ironically, this often ends up being a major turn off for them.

Can't give them too much time, can't give them too little time. And what too much or too little actually mean varies from girl to girl.


----------



## BrainArt

Fzau said:


> I still love Brandon and Pry though



 


I've noticed that since I've stopped worrying about finding a relationship, I'm much much happier.  Plus, all I really need is my family, friends, guitar and you guys (whom you all could fall under the family and friends categories. ).


----------



## 13point9

renzoip said:


> Not saying that having a girl in your life will automatically hinder you striving to reach your goals. But many guys do end up investing lots of time, energy and money into women and not being able to afford more gear.



fixed.


----------



## soliloquy

i have to say, its super scary to run into people who watch jersey shore and actually follow it. 

up until recently (about a month ago), i always wondered who these strange people are that watch this show. i run into them, and they are just like the show. their lives only revolve around sex. no loyalty to one another, no love, no compassion, no emotions. just sex. it doesn't matter if they are cheating on one another, they are only in it for sex. 

and that isn't just guys. its girls as well.


----------



## renzoip

soliloquy said:


> i have to say, its super scary to run into people who watch jersey shore and actually follow it.
> 
> up until recently (about a month ago), i always wondered who these strange people are that watch this show. i run into them, and they are just like the show. their lives only revolve around sex. no loyalty to one another, no love, no compassion, no emotions. just sex. it doesn't matter if they are cheating on one another, they are only in it for sex.
> 
> and that isn't just guys. its girls as well.





Girls who only care about sex?? Do Want!! 






I kid, I kid.


----------



## Randy

soliloquy said:


> i have to say, its super scary to run into people who watch jersey shore and actually follow it.
> 
> up until recently (about a month ago), i always wondered who these strange people are that watch this show. i run into them, and they are just like the show. their lives only revolve around sex. no loyalty to one another, no love, no compassion, no emotions. just sex. it doesn't matter if they are cheating on one another, they are only in it for sex.
> 
> and that isn't just guys. its girls as well.



Tanning, drinking, eating, fighting and fucking.


----------



## JamesM

^You forgot being unintelligent.


----------



## Randy

Using your genitals, your fists and your stomach too much and not using your brain causes that to happen.


----------



## soliloquy

randy, i think you're giving em too much credit for.
i forgot the name of that bug that only comes one day a year during the spring or summer (most popular in an american state. i think oklahoma?) and its only purpose is to have sex. 

they come out of their larva, have sex, and then die, all with in about 3 minutes.

thats pretty much what the jersey shore folks are. they live to fist pump, tan, and sex.


----------



## failshredder

soliloquy said:


> randy, i think you're giving em too much credit for.
> i forgot the name of that bug that only comes one day a year during the spring or summer (most popular in an american state. i think oklahoma?) and its only purpose is to have sex.
> 
> they come out of their larva, have sex, and then die, all with in about 3 minutes.
> 
> thats pretty much what the jersey shore folks are. they live to fist pump, tan, and sex.



I think you mean cicadas.


----------



## 13point9

do not deny the pulling power of the Guido fist pump


----------



## scottro202

So, relatively quick question.

I was reading on Doc Love on AskMen.com's articles, and there was one about a chick with a busy schedule. Apparently, if a girl says she has a busy schedule, she's not interested.

There's a girl I'm fancying at the moment, and she says she has a pretty busy schedule, and I'm just wondering if there could be some other sort of womanese going on here (or maybe, she really does have a busy schedule?). In other words, is her not being interested the only possible reason she could have said that?


----------



## Fzau

scottro202 said:


> So, relatively quick question.
> 
> I was reading on Doc Love on AskMen.com's articles, and there was one about a chick with a busy schedule. Apparently, if a girl says she has a busy schedule, she's not interested.
> 
> There's a girl I'm fancying at the moment, and she says she has a pretty busy schedule, and I'm just wondering if there could be some other sort of womanese going on here (or maybe, she really does have a busy schedule?). In other words, is her not being interested the only possible reason she could have said that?



Just because she has other shit to do doesn't mean she isn't interested. It COULD be an excuse, but you'd be able to derive that from the way she communicates this. Moreover, it could just be a way of playing 'hard to get' and by all means NEVER keep asking when she has time to do something with you, the pleasure is all hers. This counts in relationships as well by the way. I'd say be light and don't hold it against her, give VERY subtle hints when you'll have some spare time and let her jump ahead I'd say.


----------



## malin

Guys I'm so confused right now...I can't control or deal with my emotions. I had a really rough day.

I was recently in a relationship with a beautiful girl. Yesterday, wich was saturday, she went to a party and was back at he place around 8:30. She told me to come over and when I arrived, she was drunk has fuck and sleeping in her bed. She acted really weird and I just left. 

This morning, I received a phone call from one of my old buddy who never lied to me. He told me that my girfriend was at a party saturday night and a she fucked a guy. The guy came to my buddy's place and was telling him how they fucked but this guy didn't know my buddy knew me. I made sure he wasn't lying and then I snapped.

I grabbed my brother and went straight up to where my girlfriend works. When I arrived, she knew something was wrong. I told her to go outside now because we needed to talk. She wasn't even able to look at me in the eyes. She arrived outside with a smile and I told dont bullshit me and tell me what happen yesterday. Keep in mind she didn't know I knew the WHOLE story since the guy told all the little details to my buddy. She just told me they kissed and thats it. I was so angry I just left with my brother.

About an hour after this event, I went to her place to get my guitars and clear things up. After arguing and destroying her mentally for a couple of hours she told me everything but she still lied form the start. She was crying like a baby and said she would do anything to get me back. I wanted revenge big time and I wanted her to feel the guilt and shame of a whore. I told her that when her family would arrived, she would say everything that she did to me the night before in front of her family and then I would take her back.

Her family arrived, she told them the whole story and I made sure that they knew every little details. Her mom was quiet and didn't know what to say. Her step dad was raging and asked me to leave. I heard him gave her shit when I was leaving. Now my first part is done, I wanted her whole family to know and now they do. 

Its been more then 6 hours and all her friends are texting me. She keeps texting me that she will do everything to get me back. She sssssssssssooooooooooooo sorry and she loves me so much. If you loved me so much why would you cheat  She didn't find any logical reasons and she said she was drunk and bla bla bla .

mojo mojo mojo...send me mojo because this night will be long  I keep receiving txts from her and all her friends...


----------



## metal_sam14

malin said:


> Guys I'm so confused right now...I can't control or deal with my emotions. I had a really rough day.
> 
> I was recently in a relationship with a beautiful girl. Yesterday, wich was saturday, she went to a party and was back at he place around 8:30. She told me to come over and when I arrived, she was drunk has fuck and sleeping in her bed. She acted really weird and I just left.
> 
> This morning, I received a phone call from one of my old buddy who never lied to me. He told me that my girfriend was at a party saturday night and a she fucked a guy. The guy came to my buddy's place and was telling him how they fucked but this guy didn't know my buddy knew me. I made sure he wasn't lying and then I snapped.
> 
> I grabbed my brother and went straight up to where my girlfriend works. When I arrived, she knew something was wrong. I told her to go outside now because we needed to talk. She wasn't even able to look at me in the eyes. She arrived outside with a smile and I told dont bullshit me and tell me what happen yesterday. Keep in mind she didn't know I knew the WHOLE story since the guy told all the little details to my buddy. She just told me they kissed and thats it. I was so angry I just left with my brother.
> 
> About an hour after this event, I went to her place to get my guitars and clear things up. After arguing and destroying her mentally for a couple of hours she told me everything but she still lied form the start. She was crying like a baby and said she would do anything to get me back. I wanted revenge big time and I wanted her to feel the guilt and shame of a whore. I told her that when her family would arrived, she would say everything that she did to me the night before in front of her family and then I would take her back.
> 
> Her family arrived, she told them the whole story and I made sure that they knew every little details. Her mom was quiet and didn't know what to say. Her step dad was raging and asked me to leave. I heard him gave her shit when I was leaving. Now my first part is done, I wanted her whole family to know and now they do.
> 
> Its been more then 6 hours and all her friends are texting me. She keeps texting me that she will do everything to get me back. She sssssssssssooooooooooooo sorry and she loves me so much. If you loved me so much why would you cheat  She didn't find any logical reasons and she said she was drunk and bla bla bla .
> 
> mojo mojo mojo...send me mojo because this night will be long  I keep receiving txts from her and all her friends...



Leave her and dont look back. once a cheater always a cheater. been there with my ex, just fucking leave them. not worth the trouble.

condolences mate, must be a shit time for you


----------



## InTheRavensName

^ This. Ditch the cheating whore, even if you take her back, you'll never be able to respect her the way you once did, and the relationship won't be healthy. (All IMO/IME of course)


----------



## MickD7

metal_sam14 said:


> Leave her and dont look back. once a cheater always a cheater. been there with my ex, just fucking leave them. not worth the trouble.
> 
> condolences mate, must be a shit time for you



amen to your statement bro. In short Ditch that Bitch.. because your life will be a hell of a lot better without her.

Dont go looking for this guy and beating him down. That wont make you feel any better.


----------



## malin

I know what you guys are saying but I gave her all the trust I had and yes she did hurt me. I just want to make her feel like shit and get even. Now I can destroy her reputation and most of her friends are on my side. I gave her everything I had and helped her so much..this is the thx I get! Fuck You Whore

That felt actually good


----------



## InTheRavensName

Best thing you can do, is absolutely cut her off dead. Have nothing to do with her, ignore her completely. If you try to hurt her you'll end up looking like a dick, and you'll waste energy you could be putting into getting other sets of T&A

Trust me!


----------



## soliloquy

arg! people who cheat are the scum of earth! 
you're better off without her!


also, while we are on the subject (not to take anything away from you, malin!!!!), but the girl i used to work with is engaged, and has been cheating on her fiance. and not just with one person. shes went all the way with one of the other guys i used to work with, and shes constantly pickingup numbers and doesn't protest when guys hit on her. 

her fiance is a nice guy and all, and in my books doesn't deserve it....

so i wonder if i should tell him about her or not? i mean, should i really get involved with it? not only that, but they aren't my friends. and i know shes all for cheating coz to her its 'fun', but about the guy she cheated with, i've only heard a few rumors about it....

so again, should i get involved?


----------



## Varcolac

soliloquy said:


> arg! people who cheat are the scum of earth!
> you're better off without her!
> 
> ....
> 
> so again, should i get involved?



I'm sure there's a Vince Vaughn movie about that.


----------



## soliloquy

Varcolac said:


> I'm sure there's a Vince Vaughn movie about that.



the one that just came out, yup.

but the difference is that i'm not friends with either of them. not the girl, nor her fiance. i just dont agree with whatever shes doing.


----------



## freepower

Honestly, I would rather someone told me if I was in his shoes.

Maybe they're swingers and it's all cool, maybe the guy's about to marry the worst decision ever. If it was just bf/gf then maybe I'd stay out but marriage is all-in.


----------



## Meatbucket

I'd say put the information out there. It's up to the guy to believe you and for the girl to do everything in her power to try and make it seem like you're full of shit.


----------



## soliloquy

okie, i guess i'll give him an anonymousness tip later on today


----------



## metal_sam14

soliloquy said:


> *arg! people who cheat are the scum of earth! *


 
QFT


----------



## glassmoon0fo

malin said:


> Guys I'm so confused right now...I can't control or deal with my emotions. I had a really rough day.
> 
> I was recently in a relationship with a beautiful girl. Yesterday, wich was saturday, she went to a party and was back at he place around 8:30. She told me to come over and when I arrived, she was drunk has fuck and sleeping in her bed. She acted really weird and I just left.
> 
> This morning, I received a phone call from one of my old buddy who never lied to me. He told me that my girfriend was at a party saturday night and a she fucked a guy. The guy came to my buddy's place and was telling him how they fucked but this guy didn't know my buddy knew me. I made sure he wasn't lying and then I snapped.
> 
> I grabbed my brother and went straight up to where my girlfriend works. When I arrived, she knew something was wrong. I told her to go outside now because we needed to talk. She wasn't even able to look at me in the eyes. She arrived outside with a smile and I told dont bullshit me and tell me what happen yesterday. Keep in mind she didn't know I knew the WHOLE story since the guy told all the little details to my buddy. She just told me they kissed and thats it. I was so angry I just left with my brother.
> 
> About an hour after this event, I went to her place to get my guitars and clear things up. After arguing and destroying her mentally for a couple of hours she told me everything but she still lied form the start. She was crying like a baby and said she would do anything to get me back. I wanted revenge big time and I wanted her to feel the guilt and shame of a whore. I told her that when her family would arrived, she would say everything that she did to me the night before in front of her family and then I would take her back.
> 
> Her family arrived, she told them the whole story and I made sure that they knew every little details. Her mom was quiet and didn't know what to say. Her step dad was raging and asked me to leave. I heard him gave her shit when I was leaving. Now my first part is done, I wanted her whole family to know and now they do.
> 
> Its been more then 6 hours and all her friends are texting me. She keeps texting me that she will do everything to get me back. She sssssssssssooooooooooooo sorry and she loves me so much. If you loved me so much why would you cheat  She didn't find any logical reasons and she said she was drunk and bla bla bla .
> 
> mojo mojo mojo...send me mojo because this night will be long  I keep receiving txts from her and all her friends...


 
FUUUUUCK dude, that just depressed me. i went through something similar with my last gf and i didnt even find out until weeks later. i asked her about it and she lied to my face, then i called her on a few choice details and she lost her cool and came out with it. the worst part is, i havnt been able to trust any female ever since, because this girl was the epitome of wife material as far as i knew. i ended up sleeping around for a few months, but i never felt the same way about relationships again. ive been in my current one for almost 6 years, but i dont feel like getting married at all because i KNOW one or both of us will cheat in the future. it FUCKING SUCKS to feel that way and i dont know if itll ever go away, but i hope to death that you find some way of healing. sorry for your predicament man


----------



## soliloquy

my new way of thinking is that if the person will cheat, there is quiet literally nothing you, as a person can do. with that, i'm almost expecting to be cheated on. and the only way for me to get around it is for me to be the best partner i personally can be.


i got into a few fights with my girlfriend over this, but she wants someone who will fight for her if someone comes between us. i told her from the start that if someone comes in between us, i wont fight for her simply because she knows what she has with me. if the new guy will treat her better, or she will be more happier with him, then leave, i'm not forcing her into a relationship by any means.


----------



## Randy

soliloquy said:


> my new way of thinking is that if the person will cheat, there is quiet literally nothing you, as a person can do. with that, i'm almost expecting to be cheated on. and the only way for me to get around it is for me to be the best partner i personally can be.


----------



## avenger

soliloquy said:


> my new way of thinking is that if the person will cheat, there is quiet literally nothing you, as a person can do. with that, i'm almost expecting to be cheated on. and the only way for me to get around it is for me to be the best partner i personally can be.
> 
> 
> i got into a few fights with my girlfriend over this, but she wants someone who will fight for her if someone comes between us. i told her from the start that if someone comes in between us, i wont fight for her simply because she knows what she has with me. if the new guy will treat her better, or she will be more happier with him, then leave, i'm not forcing her into a relationship by any means.


 Dead on man. If she thinks she can do better let her try. Just be there to have a huge ego boost when she tries to come crawling abck and you tell her she had her chance.


----------



## scottro202

So, I was texting a girl (same one who I posted about a page or 2 ago). We've started talking like, on a weekly basis now. I was texting her last night, and mid-convo, I asked her what she's doing this weekend. No reply after that. 

I feel she's playing hard to get, because 1) Our first every time really talking was when she randomly chatted me on Facebook at 2am on Christmas night  2) She gave me her number, told me to text her, when I did, no response, and that's the only time she never responded besides this instance 

WTF, ss.org?


----------



## highlordmugfug

ss.org 





why u waste time with shitty girls that are obviously just playing you and wasting your time? do you not know that there are stupid shitty girls out there that will flirt or do anything to get attention to feel better about themselves even if they don't care about you personally at all?


<.<
>.>
Lots of that going on in this thread that I see.


----------



## malin

Well I have a little uptate for you guys since Sunday...

She keeps calling, texting and emailing saying how sorry she is and that she really made a big mistake and she doesn't have any reasons why she did it. Even her friends are texting me that she is just crying and feels sssssssssssssooooooooooooo sorry. I already humilated her in front of her family. Her reputation is fucked. She says that she wants a second chance and she is willing to do anything for me. 

The morale of the story: She went away and got drunk and thought she had better but the grass isn't always greener on the other side. She took for granted everything I gave her and now she is seeing it.


----------



## Mexi

humiliating her in front of her family seems like a bit much though, seriously. whatever problems that a couple is having is personal and should stay between them. maybe I'm just sympathetic to people who are entitled to making mistakes in their lives as long as they're willing to recognize them and willing to rectify any problems that came out as a result, but shaming her and destroying her reputation (in front of her family) for a drunken mistake is just beyond juvenile. she must have real personal issues if she's willing to stick around after being treated like that (not to belittle your feelings or make light of the betrayal or anything) I'm not justifying what she did, but you should have taken the higher road and ended it after being cheated on and moved on


----------



## powerofze

malin said:


> Well I have a little uptate for you guys since Sunday...
> 
> She keeps calling, texting and emailing saying how sorry she is and that she really made a big mistake and she doesn't have any reasons why she did it. Even her friends are texting me that she is just crying and feels sssssssssssssooooooooooooo sorry. I already humilated her in front of her family. Her reputation is fucked. She says that she wants a second chance and she is willing to do anything for me.
> 
> The morale of the story: She went away and got drunk and thought she had better but the grass isn't always greener on the other side. She took for granted everything I gave her and now she is seeing it.


I for one support your decision in what you did. Never take shit from any girl, you know what you want, she did something unacceptable, time to leave. Simple.

Now go talk to some other girls move on, don't worry about her. Expect more texts/calls though when that happens LOL


----------



## WickedSymphony

Mexi said:


> humiliating her in front of her family seems like a bit much though, seriously. whatever problems that a couple is having is personal and should stay between them ... shaming her and destroying her reputation (in front of her family) for a drunken mistake is just beyond juvenile.



+1 to this stuff.

I know what she did is fucked up beyond all belief, but I think you took it too far to destroy her reputation among her family and friends. Just be a bigger man and walk away.


----------



## vampiregenocide

I thought I was getting over my ex but the past few days I've slipped back into missing her again. It's that whole thing where you see her wherever you go, and it's a constant gut wrenching feeling. Ergh. Fml.


----------



## tacotiklah

WickedSymphony said:


> +1 to this stuff.
> 
> I know what she did is fucked up beyond all belief, but I think you took it too far to destroy her reputation among her family and friends. Just be a bigger man and walk away.



+2

Never air dirty laundry to family. I totally get why you wanted revenge, but IME revenge does more damage to yourself than the other person in the long run.
In this case, word might get around that you're vindictive and the dating opportunities may dwindle.

Then again, rationality and emotional pain rarely co-exist with each other, so I again can see why you wanted her to hurt as much as you do.


----------



## MFB

vampiregenocide said:


> I thought I was getting over my ex but the past few days I've slipped back into missing her again. It's that whole thing where you see her wherever you go, and it's a constant gut wrenching feeling. Ergh. Fml.



I'm currently in this club as well, brohugs


----------



## metal_sam14

vampiregenocide said:


> I thought I was getting over my ex but the past few days I've slipped back into missing her again. It's that whole thing where you see her wherever you go, and it's a constant gut wrenching feeling. Ergh. Fml.



You sir need: Beer + Mates + lots of god music.

Its good shit, takes your mind off everything.


----------



## vampiregenocide

MFB said:


> I'm currently in this club as well, brohugs


 
Thank you sir 



metal_sam14 said:


> You sir need: Beer + Mates + lots of god music.
> 
> Its good shit, takes your mind off everything.


 
Friday coming I plan on doing just that.


----------



## metal_sam14

^ Good man, chin up brother


----------



## powerofze

Anyone got any plans for valentines?


----------



## metal_sam14

powerofze said:


> Anyone got any plans for valentines?



Faping


----------



## powerofze

metal_sam14 said:


> Faping


Aha, I'm sure you don't need to plan for that. It just happens (everyday)


----------



## WickedSymphony

powerofze said:


> Aha, I'm sure you don't need to plan for that. It just happens (everyday)



Takes all sorts of planning!

Need to make sure you get those 3 uninterrupted minutes lined up!


----------



## metal_sam14

WickedSymphony said:


> Takes all sorts of planning!
> 
> Need to make sure you get those *30* uninterrupted minutes lined up!



Giggity


----------



## MFB

I just get really baked on Valentine's Day


----------



## Mr Violence

Paging Dr. JohnIce.

I need some opinions. Incoming wall of text:

So, my gf and I broke up again. This is how it went down. I told her she needed to straighten her shit out. She agreed because she was treating me poorly. A couple days go by, we get into an argument about how it sucks that it took 4 break ups for her to realize I'm not a bad guy. Conversation has no conclusion. She goes out telling people I broke up with her. It sucks, but I let it slide.

Sunday rolls around, her roommate (who I've known forever) is texting me to come to the bar. I say no. She said I need to know some things about my gf/exgf whatever. I texted her to tell me, she said no. I called her and she said I had to drive to her. I drove to her because I'm a sap and I miss my gf. She said nothing of any significance so I leave.

I talk to my exgf/gf WHATEVER when I got home on AIM for a couple minutes. I asked her if there was anything I should know. Then, I was very specific and asked if she was seeing or had seen anyone. She said "No, but if I did it wouldn't have meant anything." I asked her what she meant by that and asked, "Would you tell me if you did?" and she replied, "I mean, if it was important." It would slay me to know after 1 day she could hook up with someone after spending a year and a half with me.

She either did, or she's fucking with me on purpose. Either to see if I still care or what have you. I'm going fucking insane here. What's the correct course of action. How do I come out on top here? I still love her to death, but this wishy-washy shit is absolutely murdering me.

Thanks, guys.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Cut her off. She sounds shady as fuck and not worth you time. Take control and distance her.


----------



## WickedSymphony

Yeah, I'm by no means an expert but I'm with Ross on this one.

Saying things like "it wouldn't have meant anything" or "if it was important" seem like she's trying to justify or undermine the significance of something she did. That whole shit is just way too shady.

And if she didn't, then people who play mind games like that are fucked anyway.


----------



## Cheesebuiscut

*Huge long winded reply for your block of text! Is what I do* 

I hate to give shitty generic advice but: people never change, if shes always treated you like shit she'll continue treating you like shit. 

I also hate to go there but I just watched this episode of house that had a great message that fits. Basically taub has been with his wife for however long cheated on her a bunch of times then she essentially had been cheating on him without cheating on him by confiding and talking with some other dude 24/7. Taub realized hes never going to change, and neither one of them is happy but the only reason they're in a relationship together is because they are so attached and don't know how not to be together.

What I got from all that is despite you being attached you gotta realize at some point your not happy with the way things are and let it go.


*BUT!* since its very difficult to just walk away and it never works out that way (and this isn't a tv show) what I would personally do in said situation is just wait things out. Whenever I have something heavy on my mind I wait it out and think it through, get all the facts and when I've come to some sort of conclusion or thought that I can't get past I voice it to whoever needs to hear it and be 100% honest.

Has worked for me recently when I was thinking about whether or not me and one of my friends could be more than friends all the way to years ago when I had a shitty girlfriend I was in love with and realized that she was never going to stop being a shitty girlfriend and had to let it go and every situation in-between.

Who knows, if you two can have a civil conversation and be blunt / honest with each other and not turn it into an argument maybe you can actually get somewhere and make progress. But I wouldn't hold my breath.


----------



## Mr Violence

I'll be fair. I worded that bad it's been a clusterfuck of a 24 hours. The conversation went like this verbatim:

"I was scared you had found someone or hooked up with someone."
"No. Jeeze it's only been 3 days."
"Thank God. I was scared."
"even so if i did it wouldn't have meant anything."

Then today was "I wouldn't want to find out if you did." and "I'd tell you if it meant something." I may just be overreacting.


----------



## jaredowty

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Awesome. A thread I cant contribute anything positive to
> 
> I've been single for 2 years and I'm still going strong.
> 
> Bitches be crazy.



This. I'm all for an occasional FWB, but relationships are pure fail.


----------



## metal_sam14

I spent a whole night on the town flirting with a girl, she was responding, it was awesome.

found out she is deciding weather to be a lesbian or not, so she is confused, and I was basically an experiment.

Kind of funny in a way, but I just want to find a nice normal girl


----------



## soliloquy

metal_sam14 said:


> I spent a whole night on the town flirting with a girl, she was responding, it was awesome.
> 
> found out she is deciding weather to be a lesbian or not, so she is confused, and I was basically an experiment.
> 
> Kind of funny in a way, but I just want to find a nice normal girl



i dont know if the same thing applies here, but a friend of mine fell head over heals for this girl. she was PERFECT for him in every sense of the word. so he decided to ask her out, and she just brushed it off slightly without giving a reason. he was confused but kept at it.

he asked her out a few times, and then she finally came out saying 'i'm a lesbian'. so my friend said 'okay, i'll respect that' and they became best of friends...until one day, he came over to her place, only to find some guy walking out of her room half naked (naked waist down)...she wasn't a lesbian, just fucked up in the head!


----------



## metal_sam14

soliloquy said:


> i dont know if the same thing applies here, but a friend of mine fell head over heals for this girl. she was PERFECT for him in every sense of the word. so he decided to ask her out, and she just brushed it off slightly without giving a reason. he was confused but kept at it.
> 
> he asked her out a few times, and then she finally came out saying 'i'm a lesbian'. so my friend said 'okay, i'll respect that' and they became best of friends...until one day, he came over to her place, only to find some guy walking out of her room half naked (naked waist down)...she wasn't a lesbian, just fucked up in the head!



Snap! thats fucked up


----------



## vampiregenocide

I never believe a girl is a lesbian unless I see video proof.


----------



## Mr Violence

vampiregenocide said:


> I never believe a girl is a lesbian unless I see video proof.



Yes, please don't post on this topic unless there is video proof.


----------



## MFB

Oh god, I just had a dream where me and the ex got back together. Fuck this


----------



## Randy

MFB said:


> Oh god, I just had a dream where me and the ex got back together. Fuck this



Ack. I've been haunted by a few of those myself.


----------



## Varcolac

Randy said:


> Ack. I've been haunted by a few of those myself.



That'd be preferable to the dream I had last night: James Hetfield was solving the Middle East peace process by playing a gig in Jerusalem and I was trying to raise an intifada against post-Black Album 'tallica. Fucking bizarre.


----------



## WickedSymphony

I dunno, I'd rather have a dream like that since it's something you can laugh about after and tell friends. Dreams about ex's usually leaving me feeling shitty for days.

s for all with ex dreams


----------



## MFB

This hasn't been the first time lately and I can bet it won't be the last, maybe I should kind of apologize even though I'm not certain it's even my fault (I'd be apologizing for the way I left)


----------



## UnderTheSign

Randy said:


> Ack. I've been haunted by a few of those myself.


Know the feeling 

Old wounds never seem to fully heal.


----------



## soliloquy

humm...so i'll ask you guys a question i guess...

not that i'm having girl issues, as i'm really happy in my relationship with my girlfriend of 3 years. however, there is this other girl...

dont get me wrong. i love my girlfriend, and i'm not cheating on her, nor would i want to. however, the other girl, lets call her monica is kinda annoying me. heres why:

i've known monica for almost ten years now. we went to highschool together. rumor had it that she liked me from grade 9 to end of grade 10. however, i was WAY too hung up on some other girl at the time so i thought it wont be fair to monica if i asked her out, so we just stayed friends. grade 11, and shes on a dating role. constantly dating random guys. everytime shes with a guy, i back off as i dont wanna steal her from the guy. she breaks up with the guy, or he cheats on her, and i back off as i dont want a rebound thing with her.

she goes to a FAR university, meets this guy, goes out with him for 3 years. again, i back off as i dont wanna interfere, plus, i started going out with my girl. monica breaks up with her boyfriend of 3 years, and is VERY heart broken. we aren't that close anymore, but she comes to me to complain about stuff, and since i'm a good listener, and a friend, i just listen to her blab on....

she meets another guy, has a fling with him, and he walks out on her, and shes miserable again, and once again, comes to me. by coming to me, i mean, her calling me at 2 in the morning and complaining yada yada yada about how she wont find another guy yada yada yada. 

i told my gf that i'm getting annoyed by her, my gf says just be there for her. 
the only way i can think of shutting monica up and making her happy again is by doing this:

valentine is coming up, i send her an annonamous flower so she wont feel so left out and miserable. 

however, if i do that, would i be leading her on? getting her hopes up? and at the same time, i'm not interested in her either, so if i do that, would i be the bad guy for doing so?


----------



## WickedSymphony

I wouldn't do that, man. That'd definitely be getting her hopes up if it was anonymous, and probably send the totally wrong message if it wasn't.


----------



## soliloquy

okie, wont do it. 
i just hope she stops crying about not finding a guy.
dont get me wrong, shes a great girl, and i LOVE her personality. its actually kinda scary how similar my gf and her are. but i'm just not into her


----------



## Randy

Latest drama:

Meet up with a girl I kinda liked when I was in high school, hit it off and start talking to eachother a bunch over the last two weeks, find out she had an MMF threeway with the biggest dirtbag friends of mine a few years ago.


----------



## 13point9

Randy said:


> Latest drama:
> 
> Meet up with a girl I kinda liked when I was in high school, hit it off and start talking to eachother a bunch over the last two weeks, find out she had an MMF threeway with the biggest dirtbag friends of mine a few years ago.



past can't be changed dude, its how she looks back on it in the present thats the main thing. If she is embarrassed/ ashamed by the whole affair don't worry about it too much. If she's indifferent/ proud of it then well, you know what to tell her...


----------



## metal_sam14

Randy said:


> Latest drama:
> 
> Meet up with a girl I kinda liked when I was in high school, hit it off and start talking to eachother a bunch over the last two weeks, find out she had an MMF threeway with the biggest dirtbag friends of mine a few years ago.



Thats fucking rough mate


----------



## Randy

13point9 said:


> past can't be changed dude, its how she looks back on it in the present thats the main thing. If she is embarrassed/ ashamed by the whole affair don't worry about it too much. If she's indifferent/ proud of it then well, you know what to tell her...



I've made a lot better decisions in my lifetime, and while I don't necessarily consider myself better than other people, I knew at the time I chose the path I did it was for a better life later. Those decisions were painful at the time and left me feeling alone, etc. but they've yielded great returns. Part of me disrespects people who make a lot of fucked up decisions that get them off at the time, and expect people to treat them like a saint when they decided it's behind them. 



metal_sam14 said:


> Thats fucking rough mate



Werd.


----------



## 13point9

Randy said:


> I've made a lot better decisions in my lifetime, and while I don't necessarily consider myself better than other people, I knew at the time I chose the path I did it was for a better life later. Those decisions were painful at the time and left me feeling alone, etc. but they've yielded great returns. Part of me disrespects people who make a lot of fucked up decisions that get them off at the time, and expect people to treat them like a saint when they decided it's behind them.
> 
> 
> 
> Werd.



Wise words Bandicoot, wise words...


----------



## metal_sam14

There is always the possibility that she has changed, I am discovering that girls do generally go after assholes over quiet nice guys. they often need a gentle reminder that a nice guy will actually treat them right. 

but then again she could be a complete train wreck, just be careful mate and be sure to think hard before acting.


----------



## Randy

Thanks guys. You always have a great perspective on things.


----------



## soliloquy

Randy said:


> I've made a lot better decisions in my lifetime, and while I don't necessarily consider myself better than other people, I knew at the time I chose the path I did it was for a better life later. Those decisions were painful at the time and left me feeling alone, etc. but they've yielded great returns. Part of me disrespects people who make a lot of fucked up decisions that get them off at the time, and expect people to treat them like a saint when they decided it's behind them.
> 
> 
> 
> Werd.





well, i dont think it is fair of you to punish or judge her based on her sex life. i mean, maybe thats what shes into. i mean, you dont hear about people saying 'person a is a bad person coz he has a foot fetish or a lesbian fetish' or some other bs like that. sex is sex and shouldnt have much to do with their personality....


unless i read it wrong, and you're kinda mad at her for liking deuce bags. then yeah, shes silly for it


----------



## Randy

soliloquy said:


> sex is sex and shouldnt have much to do with their personality....



That I disagree with.



soliloquy said:


> unless i read it wrong, and you're kinda mad at her for liking deuce bags. then yeah, shes silly for it



That's certainly the primary issue.


----------



## renzoip

Hey Randy!!

I understand your concern about this girl is legitimate. No doubt that her past actions can come up as a red flag (regardless of how she feel about them now), considering where you are standing morally. However, I do not think that is the central issue here. What I mean is that, even if she totally regrets doing what she did and is willing to put it in past, are you willing to accept is at such, or will it be fresh in the back of your mind at all times?? Thats is the bottom line to me.

If you honestly think you cannot get over what she did, it is perfectly understandable IMO. Be honest to yourself and objective as to why it is that you disapprove of her actions. For instance, while I consider myself a pretty prudent person, I had to admit to myself that if I wasn't more promiscuous when I was younger, it was not because I have a higher sense of morality, but rather because I was shy and did not really have a chance. Had I have a chance to screw every girl that I wanted, I would have probably done so. It is not a pleasant thing to admit to oneself, but it does help you be more objective/less judgmental.

With this I'm not saying you should overlook what this girl has done. Rather, be honest to yourself as to whether you can live with it or not, because if this is gonna remain in the back of your mind, then it will certainly plant a seed of mistrust and contempt form the very beginning of a the relationship regardless of what she says or does, which is not good.

Whatever you do, just be honest to yourself and do not conform to anything that will not make truly happy. 

Good Luck!


----------



## caskettheclown

First time in this thread. I used to avoid it cause I was moving on from my ex who put me through absolute hell and I lost a car and two of my favorite guitars and so on...
and I know seeing this thread would remind me of a lot of the things i've worked so hard to move on from.
NOW
i'm with someone else. Weve been together 2 months. 
Problem is we never see each other. We see each other once or twice every month. I'm not used to this. I lived with my ex for the longest time and then before that I always saw them a good bit.

I honestly don't know how much longer I can keep doing this.
I want to be with her and I know she wants to be with me.
Its really hard on me being in a long distance relationship. 
Part of me thinks it will be easier to move on but I don't really have luck with women in general. Other part of me just says suck it up and deal with it.

Thoughts?
TL;TR - tips on how to survive a long distance relationship?


----------



## Randy

@ Renzo - Damn man, you definitely hit the nail on the head with that. Thank you 

I'll certainly admit it... that's an image that'll stay in the back of my mind. I still know those guys and I still go places where I see those guys. On top of the image bothering me, I've never been somebody to 'hide' but come-on... there's no way I'm not going to feel funny bringing her somewhere and seeing these two dudes or probably any of their friends they probably bragged about it with. 

Besides that, my prudence comes from a couple places. Yeah, the first part of what I said is true, that her willingness to 'give in' versus my 'reserve' certainly bothers me... but also, part of the reason I was reserved in my endeavors was because it was out of mutual respect. I know the conduct of my girlfriend in the past bothers me, at least partially, but if it was between her and her boyfriend and they loved eachother then I have no issue there. If things don't work out between a girl and myself, I'd like to think that if another guy met her, fell in love, got married, etc. he wouldn't have to be have it burned in the back of his mind what kind of ridiculous shit the mother of his kids did with me (supposing I was as tawdry as could be). I can't account for differences in personality but I'd certainly like to image that if he's anything like myself, I could look him in the eye with a straight face and total respect for his love. 

But that's just me.

FWIW, I denied a lot of sexual opportunities when I was younger. Actually, to parallel the girl in question, I got offered a three-way with two different groups of girls during about the same time she did, and I didn't because I felt morally obligated not to. It's different for some people but sex isn't "just sex" for me, hence why I disagreed earlier. 


To be fair, I didn't totally outline the background on this girl before I mentioned the 'three-way' thing... so it's worth getting more into detail. 

*WALL OF TEXT WARNING*

I knew the girl when I was in high school, she was considered unattractive to most but moreover, I had a girlfriend at the time so I showed no interest. We got older, she 'grew a pair' and started getting attention, I was living in my nice stable relationship while she was (admittedly) acting out a little because she was relieved guys finally found her attractive. That simmered down and she settled down with a dude for a few years.

Fast forward to Halloween, I run into her at a local bar and she's wearing a low-cut shirt, trying to call attention to herself, hits on me and I deny her since I have a girlfriend. She proceeds to grind on a few guys and I go back to talking to my friends. A few months later, now single, I run into her at another bar... she runs up to me, kisses my face several times and tells me a story gushing about how much she had a crush on me when we were kids. I ask her who she's there with and she says her boyfriend, who's at the end of the bar. Later he goes outside for a cigarette, she follows him and WHILE holding his hand, kisses me on the face another few times (she's clearly intoxicated).

Afterward, she messages me on facebook. Her boyfriend looks to be a bit of a loser, so I don't totally discount her because maybe she wants out or something... not my style to look for a new guy WHILE you're with someone, but I'm single so whatev'. Lighthearted conversation between us back and forth, then I see him kinda disappear from the picture and her comments become increasingly forward, then eventually a PM for my phone number, then calling me to come out and meet her. We set a night and I meet her with her friends somewhere.

When I get to this place, she's intoxicated (again) and singing with her friends. A friend of mine comes up behind her, wraps his arms around her and plants a kiss on her cheek and he says "sorry, I don't mean to harp in on your girlfriend". The two of them explain that a long time ago they dated for a week, nothing happened but she became best friends with his sister and now they're like family. I'm kinda weirded out, but I roll with it. Later in the night, she kisses some other dude on the cheek that I don't know. Then she decides she wants to have a "very frank" sex talk, so full volume at the bar she gets into detail about what she's into (a few prying ears honing in and even voicing it)... I humor her and listen to what she has to say. We turn the conversation back to more lighthearted things, I tell her I have to go, she kisses me, I leave.

The next day, she messages me to see how I'm doing and then she drops it on me that her ex showed up after I left, drunk and wanted her back. She says she decided to take him back. I say "alright, that's possibly a little trampy of her but I guess we didn't really have anything going on and plus, it's her ex so I'm sure she has feelings. Friends is cool" so I tell her all is good, and I send her on her way.

A week goes by, she starts messaging me again... hitting on me increasingly. She outrightly asks me what I'm doing for Valentine's Day, implies that she'd like it if I sent her flowers and I tell her outright "Um, you have a boyfriend. That's his job". She informs me apparently they only stayed together for one day (My imagination is that it was an excuse for sex, but she seems to deny that) and then he flaked out and took off again. I told her that I cooled off of her because she decided to get back with her boyfriend after we essentially had a semi-date, she apologizes and asks for another chance and I say "sure". 

Now, the only 100% dealbreaker for me with women is whether or not they've dated my friends... It goes back to a mutual respect thing, not just that I don't want the image of my girlfriend boning my friend, but it's awkward if you're together and also, I don't agree with picking up for friend's old girlfriends, even if he doesn't mind.  So, we're having a very forward discussion so I ask "Look, you don't need to run down your list of sex partners but I just need to know whether or not you had something going on with any of my friends?" then she pipes up about the two scumbag dudes and the three-way. I tell her it's definitely a hump that's going to be hard for me to get over but I'm not totally pushing her off. She starts laying it on REAAAAALLLLLLLY thick over the last few days.

To be honest, it feels like this is all one grand conquest to bag the 'white whale' she couldn't have when she was younger and less attractive. Besides my own issues with her past and her current conduct, it's hard not to feel like even if I say "sure, let's do this", she'll just end up wanting to fuck me once and move onto the next "thing"  The problem here is that I laid out there that I just want to be friends (on my end, to at least check my comfort level) and she agreed to recognize it, but then continued to lobby hardcore. 

I'm single, I'm physically attracted to her, and conversationally, I like what she has to say and what she's about but... eh. Do not want-ish, you know?


----------



## Randy

caskettheclown said:


> Thoughts?
> TL;TR - tips on how to survive a long distance relationship?



I can sympathize, bro. I went from living with a girl for six years, to a long distance relationship with about 1,500 miles separating us. As long as you trust eachother, you really like eachother, you can trust yourself, and you don't mind playing '5 knuckle shuffle' lol; it's doable short-term. 

I survived two years at it with no regrets and even though things didn't work out for me, my friend did it for three years and now they've married and happy.


----------



## Mexi

so here's my situation:

I've had one girlfriend in my life and that ended about 7 years ago (I'm turning 24 this month) we dated a little over a year, and I still think about that relationship from time to time.
a few days ago, I get a message from her on facebook saying how she was walking to work that day and fell into a snowbank and it reminded her of me (I guess I fell in snow when we dated all those years ago) and asked me how I was doing. we got talking and I eventually say in passing how we should have a couple drinks and reminisce about being awkward teens. she replies about how she would love that, and says that she made some time off work on Friday (tommorow) to "hang out"

now, after we broke up, we tried to stay friends but whenever we would "hang out" it always became some sort of sexual encounter. I was checkin her FB a couple days ago and it seemed that she recently broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years, and it seemed to be cheating related (on his side)

my immediate thoughts are that she wants to rekindle some sort of long-lost love she had after a tough breakup and is on the rebound. that being said, I haven't had any real relationship since then and, frankly, I really do miss that feeling.

my problem is that I'm not sure if I want to pursue this and get involved with an ex-girlfriend that may have very different expectations of this seemingly casual encounter. If I'm too quick to act like the good friend she hasn't talked to in a while then I might get friend-zoned immediately and would miss out on yet (another) opportunity. then again, if I try too hard it may come off as desperate and pathetic. 

tread carefully or don't bother?


----------



## Daggorath

Mexi said:


> so here's my situation:
> 
> I've had one girlfriend in my life and that ended about 7 years ago (I'm turning 24 this month) we dated a little over a year, and I still think about that relationship from time to time.
> a few days ago, I get a message from her on facebook saying how she was walking to work that day and fell into a snowbank and it reminded her of me (I guess I fell in snow when we dated all those years ago) and asked me how I was doing. we got talking and I eventually say in passing how we should have a couple drinks and reminisce about being awkward teens. she replies about how she would love that, and says that she made some time off work on Friday (tommorow) to "hang out"
> 
> now, after we broke up, we tried to stay friends but whenever we would "hang out" it always became some sort of sexual encounter. I was checkin her FB a couple days ago and it seemed that she recently broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years, and it seemed to be cheating related (on his side)
> 
> my immediate thoughts are that she wants to rekindle some sort of long-lost love she had after a tough breakup and is on the rebound. that being said, I haven't had any real relationship since then and, frankly, I really do miss that feeling.
> 
> my problem is that I'm not sure if I want to pursue this and get involved with an ex-girlfriend that may have very different expectations of this seemingly casual encounter. If I'm too quick to act like the good friend she hasn't talked to in a while then I might get friend-zoned immediately and would miss out on yet (another) opportunity. then again, if I try too hard it may come off as desperate and pathetic.
> 
> tread carefully or don't bother?



"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool." 
- Richard P. Feynman

Sex is good, but lying isn't. Openness gives you said "opportunities", but the feeling of deception of a girl isn't one that I relish. It's far too easy to chat shit essentially, but nothing lasting ever comes from this. Then again, I'm a bitter cunt who fails at meeting girls that I actually connect with. I prefer to assume it's a problem with 99% of women than with myself. I struggle to respect those who compromise themselves for comfortable relations. However, I'm not so stubborn as to think that if I met a girl that I desired to impress that I would not succumb to conviction of advertising myself in her terms.


----------



## sahaal

ohh I like this thread. Regular poster here I come. 

anyway, this chick and I became super best friends, texting all day every day sort of dealio after we met at a party and hit it off real good. But she has a boyfriend, and even though over the time we've been friends I've completely fallen for her, I always do my best to be supportive of her relationship and I'm always there for her as a shoulder to cry on and whatever. So a week ago, her and her guy break up since she's a bitch and he can't stand her anymore. As soon as all the drama and shit is gone, and she doesn't need her proverbial shoulder to cry on anymore, I'm kicked to the fucking curb and left alone by her. Although we've been talking about us going out and whatever else, not seriously but considering it and such nonetheless, and we're normal friends anyway, I got dumped off cause like I said apparently she doesn't need me anymore. I'm gonna go listen to Racecar on repeat, fuck this shit.


----------



## Dan

Women are damn confusing 

Thats all im going to say. There may be a rant imminent. But for now im just going to let me feelings stew a bit


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

...sooo I'm getting a place with the guy I mentioned earlier..for the first time I'm moving out. A little nervous, but otherwise looking forward to it.


----------



## soliloquy

sahaal said:


> ohh I like this thread. Regular poster here I come.
> 
> anyway, this chick and I became super best friends, texting all day every day sort of dealio after we met at a party and hit it off real good. But she has a boyfriend, and even though over the time we've been friends I've completely fallen for her, I always do my best to be supportive of her relationship and I'm always there for her as a shoulder to cry on and whatever. So a week ago, her and her guy break up since she's a bitch and he can't stand her anymore. As soon as all the drama and shit is gone, and she doesn't need her proverbial shoulder to cry on anymore, I'm kicked to the fucking curb and left alone by her. Although we've been talking about us going out and whatever else, not seriously but considering it and such nonetheless, and we're normal friends anyway, I got dumped off cause like I said apparently she doesn't need me anymore. I'm gonna go listen to Racecar on repeat, fuck this shit.



women are fucked up in the head my friend.
see, us men, we only walk in the 'yes' and 'no' world. we dont understand 'maybe'.

women on the other hand only walk in the world of 'maybe'. 
we dont understand subtleties, we are very simple people that are not too complicated to understand.

they make a HUGE fuss over what we are, or arent, and even then, they aren't satisfied!

so this calls for either rape time, or fap time...we dont need women! they need us!


----------



## Dan

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> ...sooo I'm getting a place with the guy I mentioned earlier..for the first time I'm moving out. A little nervous, but otherwise looking forward to it.



Congrats man, believe me its a new found sense of freedom you wont get elsewhere 

That and you can walk around nude whenever you like too


----------



## KingAenarion

Heck yes! Positive relationship story for the WIN

Girlfriend gets back after 6 months Uni exchange next Tuesday. She was in Boulder until 2 months ago and has been travelling.

It's been shit, but Skype is wonderful! We talked almost as much via email and skype as we did before. It wasn't the same... lack of hugs was the crap part, and serious miscommunication at times.

But she's gotten stronger for it... and I've learned a heap about the ways I was leaning on her where I didn't need to.


So I'm totally psyched! Going to be great seeing her again!



caskettheclown said:


> Thoughts?
> TL;TR - tips on how to survive a long distance relationship?



So just coming fresh from this. Without a strong foundation... it's always going to suck. So build as strong a foundation as you can, as QUICKLY as you can. This means MAKING time for each other.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

Plug said:


> Congrats man, believe me its a new found sense of freedom you wont get elsewhere
> 
> That and you can walk around nude whenever you like too



It's just weird that I'm going to be a "grown up" I'm getting money together and buying a car before I move as well.

Paying bills, living with someone pseudo-marriage style, all that shit is a little overwhelming. I'm pretty much a loner by nature so this whole relationship with this guy has been a SERIOUS change in my normal behavior. Hell even typing this shit out and talking about it is something I'd never actually do. We'd better stay together forever or else I'll kill him in ways they don't even have names for


----------



## Dan

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> It's just weird that I'm going to be a "grown up" I'm getting money together and buying a car before I move as well.
> 
> Paying bills, living with someone pseudo-marriage style, all that shit is a little overwhelming. I'm pretty much a loner by nature so this whole relationship with this guy has been a SERIOUS change in my normal behavior. Hell even typing this shit out and talking about it is something I'd never actually do. We'd better stay together forever or else I'll kill him in ways they don't even have names for




Haha it's all about growing up dude! It happens to everyone eventually. Though the idea of me moving in with a partner would be totally overwhelming at this moment in time. I like my space a little too much 

If it makes you happy though go for it!  Long as you are happy thats all that matters


----------



## MickD7

So a few pages back I posted about a girl that I went out for breakfast with. Anyway she ended up not being interested and that was the end of that. 

*WALL OF TEXT*

A week down the track said Cafe where we had breakfast hires my Mum as a manager and I had gone there a few times. One day while recovering from a very tragic hangover I called in to see my Mum and grab a coffee and there is this girl working behind the bar. 

That Day my Mum and this girl had been having a hard day from one of the co owners that eventually got payed out to leave the business because he was ripping them off anyway he tried threatening my Mum and this girl and I kinda walked in and for lack of a better word saved the day. Because the co owner saw the "big scary metal head son" and freaked out.

Anyway I eventually sat down for the coffee and this girl sat down with me for her lunch break. We talked and she turned out to be.. well just amazing. Has a good taste in many types of music and film ect. Plus she is beautiful. Her break ended I told her that if she had anymore problems with the co owner to talk to my Mum and get her to call me straight away.

I dropped in every now and then to make sure things where cool in the following weeks and we got to know each other better. Eventually one of my mums friends got hired there by my mum to work behind the bar as well. -Mums friend and I actually went to school together and my Mum had hired her threw me at another cafe they both worked at- Anyway this girl I am interested in started talking to her and is really into me and wanted me to ask for her number. Eventually word of this reached my ears and I decided.. Shit what have I got to loose.

I went into the cafe on wednesday and she was working. I did my usual walk in say hi to all the staff and my mum and then walk over to the counter. Look her in the eyes and say. "Hey, is it ok if I get your number and we go out sometime this weekend" she goes bright red says yes and gives me her number. 

Anyway we went out today and god damn if this girl just makes me realize that all that shit I had been threw in the last year had taught me alot and made me a better person and the person that she wants to see and be around. My friend had told her abit about what happened and this girl understands the pain I had been in. 

We are getting together again during the week to go out and then again next weekend for my work awards night. 

Im in a happy place at the moment.


----------



## WickedSymphony

MickD7 said:


> Im in a happy place at the moment.



Grats, bud. May your future posts in this thread be happy as well.


----------



## Dan

+1 to that dude. Congrats


----------



## heavy7-665

MickD7 said:


> So a few pages back I posted about a girl that I went out for breakfast with. Anyway she ended up not being interested and that was the end of that.
> 
> *WALL OF TEXT*
> 
> A week down the track said Cafe where we had breakfast hires my Mum as a manager and I had gone there a few times. One day while recovering from a very tragic hangover I called in to see my Mum and grab a coffee and there is this girl working behind the bar.
> 
> That Day my Mum and this girl had been having a hard day from one of the co owners that eventually got payed out to leave the business because he was ripping them off anyway he tried threatening my Mum and this girl and I kinda walked in and for lack of a better word saved the day. Because the co owner saw the "big scary metal head son" and freaked out.
> 
> Anyway I eventually sat down for the coffee and this girl sat down with me for her lunch break. We talked and she turned out to be.. well just amazing. Has a good taste in many types of music and film ect. Plus she is beautiful. Her break ended I told her that if she had anymore problems with the co owner to talk to my Mum and get her to call me straight away.
> 
> I dropped in every now and then to make sure things where cool in the following weeks and we got to know each other better. Eventually one of my mums friends got hired there by my mum to work behind the bar as well. -Mums friend and I actually went to school together and my Mum had hired her threw me at another cafe they both worked at- Anyway this girl I am interested in started talking to her and is really into me and wanted me to ask for her number. Eventually word of this reached my ears and I decided.. Shit what have I got to loose.
> 
> I went into the cafe on wednesday and she was working. I did my usual walk in say hi to all the staff and my mum and then walk over to the counter. Look her in the eyes and say. "Hey, is it ok if I get your number and we go out sometime this weekend" she goes bright red says yes and gives me her number.
> 
> Anyway we went out today and god damn if this girl just makes me realize that all that shit I had been threw in the last year had taught me alot and made me a better person and the person that she wants to see and be around. My friend had told her abit about what happened and this girl understands the pain I had been in.
> 
> We are getting together again during the week to go out and then again next weekend for my work awards night.
> 
> Im in a happy place at the moment.



Congrats man. Also I love the ability to look scary by doing more than stop smiling lol I've used it to defend people I've never even met lol

PS Kudos on not killing the guy givin your mom a hard time. If it was my mom that place would have looked like Frank Castle had visited on a bad day.


----------



## Randy

Cut girl in question loose. On her birthday.


----------



## WickedSymphony

Randy said:


> Cut girl in question loose. On her birthday.





Sounds like you did the right thing. Didn't seem like she would've worked out too well for ya anyway.


----------



## BrainArt

Randy said:


> Cut girl in question loose. On her birthday.



 It's OK, Randy; you still have us.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Women are making me a bitter, sexist fuck.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Randy said:


> Cut girl in question loose. On her birthday.


 
*hugs*


----------



## MickD7

heavy7-665 said:


> Congrats man. Also I love the ability to look scary by doing more than stop smiling lol I've used it to defend people I've never even met lol
> 
> PS Kudos on not killing the guy givin your mom a hard time. If it was my mom that place would have looked like Frank Castle had visited on a bad day.




Had I not been so hung over I most likely would have gone Frank Castle on his ass. Yeah its a nice bonus that comes along with the stupidity of other people listening to the media's spin on an music style over here.

Randy... All the best man. bitches be crazy.


----------



## -42-

Any and all relationship problems can be solved by listening to this song once.


----------



## leandroab

Another night that ends up with a 0x0...

fuck my life man. I'm sick of this shit... seriously.

And I'm only commenting here because i'm drunk as fook... :/


----------



## -42-

If the above song wasn't enough, then these may be for you...


----------



## metulkult

The lamest shit ever, is when you spend your whole night at a party mackin' on a girl, then you later find out she has a boyfriend of a year. Ultimate cock block


----------



## GATA4

damn son.....that does suck.

anyone here ever gotten a fear boner before?


----------



## Prydogga

Fuckin' hell. If I could go to that place where my body produces love for women I 'sorta kind nearly' was with. I would blow it up in epic proportions. I hate this shit, although it's fun now.


----------



## leandroab

-42- said:


> If the above song wasn't enough, then these may be for you...




YEAHHH!!!!!!


----------



## MFB

metulkult said:


> The lamest shit ever, is when you spend your whole night at a party mackin' on a girl, then you later find out she has a boyfriend of a year. Ultimate cock block



Happened to me at Halloween. Drunk chick was on me, and I was getting more drunk by the minute so I was being flirty (I normally am anyways since it's just how I am) and in a cock-blocky sort of way, my friends were like "She's got a boyfriend who's coming here later" so I was still flirty just making sure she didn't go too far (not to mention at the same time, I was starting to enter a relationship without it being official).


----------



## Justin Bailey

Getting pretty lonely. Been about 6-7 months since the break up with my ex, still can't seem to get over it, and no girl I talk to seems to really excite me in any way enough to really make me want to be in a relationship with them. Pretty sick of this shit.


----------



## MFB

*WALL OF TEXT TIME*

So, as I said like ...two posts prior, this happened to me at a Halloween party I went to :

Drunk chick was on me, and I was getting more drunk by the minute so I was being flirty (I normally am anyways since it's just how I am) and in a cock-blocky sort of way, my friends were like "She's got a boyfriend who's coming here later" so I was still flirty just making sure she didn't go too far (not to mention at the same time, I was starting to enter a relationship without it being official).

Fast-forward to yesterday.

I get a random FB friend request from, lo and behold, said girl; and said girl leaves me a comment saying, "You should come up to _______ and visit me <3" to which my first response is "Oh god, what the dicks I don't even..." So I turn to my friend who goes to the same school and is good friends with her room-mate. First thing I ask was "Did _______ (person) from _______ (place) break up with her boyfriend" and I get the answer I expected - yes.

4 months later, and I get a random FB request AND comment that pretty much is a booty call. Not what I was expecting.

Conversation with friend keeps going and she literally told me the greatest advice ever, which was "You should TOTALLY hook up with her, but I don't know about going out with her. Maybe just leave it at hook up..." etc... This coming from a GIRL mind you, bitches NEVER suggest that. 

Apparently she cheated on her ex a few times or something with me nearly being one of them had he not planned on coming to the same party we were at, nor did I want my first visit to that college getting me the reputation as "that guy."

EDIT - Not as wall of text-ish as I presumed, but oh well


----------



## vampiregenocide

Happy 'highlighting the fact you're miserable and alone but everyone else isn't day people.


----------



## Mr Violence

vampiregenocide said:


> Happy 'highlighting the fact you're miserable and alone but everyone else isn't day people.



Some people are miserable and not alone, sir.


----------



## WickedSymphony

Mr Violence said:


> Some people are miserable and not alone, sir.



Misery loves company.

I'd still rather have someone to share it with.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

So Friday, I met a girl that actually got me going right off the bat for the first time in a while (there's only one other girl I'd been interested in since I broke up with my ex almost a year ago). Anyway, I ended up asking her if she'd be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee or something some time, thinking it would be best to keep the date short, since we don't know each other too well yet, and her response was "sure, or maybe we could go out to watch a hockey game or something?". My jaw hit the floor. I didn't even know girls like that existed. On top of being ridiculously gorgeous, she's down with going to watch sports for a first date  I don't want to get too stoked about this preemptively, but I'm feeling like all kinds of win.


----------



## metal_sam14

JeffFromMtl said:


> So Friday, I met a girl that actually got me going right off the bat for the first time in a while (there's only one other girl I'd been interested in since I broke up with my ex almost a year ago). Anyway, I ended up asking her if she'd be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee or something some time, thinking it would be best to keep the date short, since we don't know each other too well yet, and her response was "sure, or maybe we could go out to watch a hockey game or something?". My jaw hit the floor. I didn't even know girls like that existed. On top of being ridiculously gorgeous, she's down with going to watch sports for a first date  I don't want to get too stoked about this preemptively, but I'm feeling like all kinds of win.



 good on you mate, hope it all goes well!


----------



## glassmoon0fo

JeffFromMtl said:


> So Friday, I met a girl that actually got me going right off the bat for the first time in a while (there's only one other girl I'd been interested in since I broke up with my ex almost a year ago). Anyway, I ended up asking her if she'd be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee or something some time, thinking it would be best to keep the date short, since we don't know each other too well yet, and her response was "sure, or maybe we could go out to watch a hockey game or something?". My jaw hit the floor. I didn't even know girls like that existed. On top of being ridiculously gorgeous, she's down with going to watch sports for a first date  I don't want to get too stoked about this preemptively, but I'm feeling like all kinds of win.


 
YOU GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, SIR! play it cool man, real cool . good luck playa!


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Thanks guys, I got this


----------



## UnderTheSign

I sent my ex an anonymous e-card yesterday. Apparently, she keeps wondering who sent it, but loved it  She went on a "you're my ex, so you're an asshole and my personal scapegoat" spree in late november/early december and we haven't spoken since... Thought this'd cheer her up a bit. I ain't telling her it was me, though I wonder if it'd bust her chops if it did. Does that make me an ass? 

That said... I've been in touch with a girl I met at university last year and did a few days of internship with in june. She's in the UK until late may but we bumped into eachother two months ago and she seems to be pretty cool. She also invited me to come over for a weekend in the UK and "hinted" I should've sent her a card or some flowers last night. Wonder how this'll work out.


----------



## soliloquy

so i may be breaking up with my girlfriend of almost 3 years (march 3rd being 3 years).

why? 

i still love her.
she is my closest friend. even my 'best' friend.
i get along with her perfect. 
her mom seems to really like me.
she gets along with my family and friends perfectly.
she has the same weird, corky sense of humor as i do.
we are perfect for each other....

so then, why on earth am i thinking of breaking up with her?

*sigh*

her mom gave her an ultimatum of getting married by the age 23, so that gives me two more years. i have no problem with that, nor am i getting cold feet or anything...

my problem is that i need to graduate from university, then go to college, graduate from there, get a career related job, have enough savings etc etc etc in order to get married.

and i dont have time for that. i 'may' have time for that, but i'm not sure.
and if i'm not sure, i dont think it would be fair to her that days/weeks/months before she is to get married, i bail on her saying 'sorry, i cant do it' only for her to get married to someone else (we are brown, arrange marriages, random proposals come to us like the wind...its fucked!), all the while she wont be over me. its not fair to her. its not fair to her husband. and its not fair to me either. 

this insane pressure that she has put me under, i'm willing to tough it out. why? truth be told, i can afford to lose my girlfriend in her. i can afford to lose my would-be-wife in her as well....however, i cant afford to lose my best friend in her. 

i dont make friends too easily, and when i do, i try my hardest to hold onto them. and if we sever our relationship, its usually from their end as they want it, and i walk away respecting their decision....but here, it will be my decision as i'll be looking out for her future. even if it means killing my self(not literally, but emotionally) to sever her from my life...

and thats not the only thing. if i do cut it off, i would also be saying good bye to a few other friends that we share, just to make it easier on her to get over me. 

not in a happy place right now....


----------



## vampiregenocide

Fuck arranged marriages.


----------



## MFB

Hate to say it bro, but if you break up with her I get the feeling you'll not only lose her as your girlfriend but also as your best friend too; despite the fact that that is what you DON'T want. The reason? They're currently the same person. So the emotional wreck of a girlfriend is gonna be the one taking over, and probably (most definitely even) won't look at things from the same stand point as you. The "best friend" will still be there, but for a while, she's gonna be looked up in the closet while the "recently dumped" part takes over and wreaks havoc.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

How did her mother give her an ultimatum? What's the catch? She gets married by 23 or... what?

Either way, I know plenty of people who come from very strict ethnic cultural backgrounds and for the most part, while respecting their families and cultures have decided to do things their own way instead. Is there no way for the two of you and her parents to meet somewhere in the middle?

Also, I know a number of people who got married before they had any career path outlined for themselves, and I know others who started their careers first, then got married, and some who married their careers . I truly believe that if two people feel strongly enough for one another, regardless of external circumstances, can find a way to make it work. Things don't always have to be done in the way of any social or cultural norms. 

That's my , but of course, I don't have any sort of cultural pressure on me, and come from a very liberal family and can't even see myself being married by the time I'm 30, so I'm not sure how valid my point of view may be in your situation.


----------



## soliloquy

MFB said:


> Hate to say it bro, but if you break up with her I get the feeling you'll not only lose her as your girlfriend but also as your best friend too; despite the fact that that is what you DON'T want. The reason? They're currently the same person. So the emotional wreck of a girlfriend is gonna be the one taking over, and probably (most definitely even) won't look at things from the same stand point as you. The "best friend" will still be there, but for a while, she's gonna be looked up in the closet while the "recently dumped" part takes over and wreaks havoc.



i know, and i'm well aware of that....

but thats whats hoping for as well. i mean, the only way she would get over me is if i walk out of her life. 

i mean, my sister went/is going through something similar. she dated the guy for 5 years, they loved each other. however, he backed off, and they are still friends. really really close friends. however, its been over 3 years, shes still not over him, and i'm not sure how he feels about her...but since they are such close friends, its harder on my sister to get over him as she seems him at least once a week. 

if i do that with my girl, then she wont be over me, get married to someone else, but wont be emotionally connected to him. its not the guys fault, so why am i punishing him? and like wise, why am i punishing her by staying in her life? kinda like the 'you can look, but not touch' kinda thing.


----------



## Randy

MFB said:


> Hate to say it bro, but if you break up with her I get the feeling you'll not only lose her as your girlfriend but also as your best friend too; despite the fact that that is what you DON'T want. The reason? They're currently the same person. So the emotional wreck of a girlfriend is gonna be the one taking over, and probably (most definitely even) won't look at things from the same stand point as you. The "best friend" will still be there, but for a while, she's gonna be looked up in the closet while the "recently dumped" part takes over and wreaks havoc.





FWIW, I had a "marry or break-up" kinda thing going on with my and my really long term girlfriend, made a million and one excuses not to do it and we broke up. It was a couple years later I realized that I could've married her penniless, homeless, and overburdened with work/school but at least we would've had eachother. All the shit I threw in the way was pretty much meaningless and I lost probably the greatest girl I could've ever found because I let myself get hung up on stuff that didn't matter.

Food for thought.


----------



## soliloquy

Randy said:


> FWIW, I had a "marry or break-up" kinda thing going on with my and my really long term girlfriend, made a million and one excuses not to do it and we broke up. It was a couple years later I realized that I could've married her penniless, homeless, and overburdened with work/school but at least we would've had eachother. All the shit I threw in the way was pretty much meaningless and I lost probably the greatest girl I could've ever found because I let myself get hung up on stuff that didn't matter.
> 
> Food for thought.



canada is a bitch. extremely high tuition that can not be paid off with a part time job. 

if you have a part time job, you're either eating right/breathing right, or you're going to school. cant do both at the same time.

OSAP, which is a government loan wont help here as my parents are well off, our home is almost paid off, and we have a modest life. OSAP almost always only considers students of single parents, or students border lining poverty, or below poverty level, or who are on their own...

so due to technicalities, i cant get OSAP.

my girlfriend can get a loan, but her books cost most than her tuition. sometimes 4-8 times more. so again, it wont work.

we cant afford a home, let alone our food insurance or anything.

if i get married to her now, on what grounds, or promises am i getting married to her on? if we cant stand up on our own two feet independently, what are we doing?

i'm not gonna be a sea lamprey, or some other parasite that lives off of my parents, as they are closing to retiring as well.

not to mention, the job situation here is lousy. even if i do manage to get a job after i graduate, i would most likely be working at minimum wage at an office, or a kitchen, still, not making enough to do anything...but thats a big 'IF' since most of my friends that have graduated are dying to find work, and they have graduated for over a year, and are flooding the market with their resumes, and still get no calls....its touch. 

unless i go to a different country....dont know if i want to do that


----------



## MFB

*UPDATE TIME*

So earlier I posted this :



> WALL OF TEXT TIME
> 
> So, as I said like ...two posts prior, this happened to me at a Halloween party I went to :
> 
> Drunk chick was on me, and I was getting more drunk by the minute so I was being flirty (I normally am anyways since it's just how I am) and in a cock-blocky sort of way, my friends were like "She's got a boyfriend who's coming here later" so I was still flirty just making sure she didn't go too far (not to mention at the same time, I was starting to enter a relationship without it being official).
> 
> Fast-forward to yesterday.
> 
> I get a random FB friend request from, lo and behold, said girl; and said girl leaves me a comment saying, "You should come up to _______ and visit me <3" to which my first response is "Oh god, what the dicks I don't even..." So I turn to my friend who goes to the same school and is good friends with her room-mate. First thing I ask was "Did _______ (person) from _______ (place) break up with her boyfriend" and I get the answer I expected - yes.
> 
> 4 months later, and I get a random FB request AND comment that pretty much is a booty call. Not what I was expecting.
> 
> Conversation with friend keeps going and she literally told me the greatest advice ever, which was "You should TOTALLY hook up with her, but I don't know about going out with her. Maybe just leave it at hook up..." etc... This coming from a GIRL mind you, bitches NEVER suggest that.
> 
> Apparently she cheated on her ex a few times or something with me nearly being one of them had he not planned on coming to the same party we were at, nor did I want my first visit to that college getting me the reputation as "that guy."
> 
> EDIT - Not as wall of text-ish as I presumed, but oh well



Well, I was playing Black Ops with aforementioned chick's room-mate, who happens to be a good friend of mine, and casually during a match she's just like, "Oh by the way, my room-mate wants your shit. She broke up with her boyfriend too" Normally in my head it would be - _PANIC, SWEET MOTHER OF GOD WHAT DO I DO?!_ - but I played it off cool and was just like, "Yeah, I pretty much knew. You missed the conversation me and _______ had about this." I didn't tell her how the conversation went between me and the other friend who also told me she was single, but I told her she can ask the other girl about it if she wants to know that badly.

Poon will probably be mine soon enough


----------



## leandroab

MFB said:


> Poon will probably be mine soon enough



Noice!


----------



## Asrial

And another scenario is forming for little me...

A former flame of mine from the boarding school... Well, complicated shits.
We had a relationship back then, which got spoiled by one of my best friends. They hooked up together when i was with my ex, their relationship lasted just as long.

Jump to a week ago, she asked me for my number over MSN, and 20 minutes later, she texts me, that she really fucking horribadly misses me, and she regrets her being together with my friend. Quite odd she didn't mention it before over MSN or facebook, maybe she just wanted it to be, i dont know, more private or something? 
Now, we haven't seen eachother since october, where we didn't even greet eachother, but honest to god, I miss her! And we are seeing eachother again next saturday. I even bought some nostalgic items to cheer her up.

I just really want to revive our relationship, is there anyone that can help?


----------



## Randy

Sounds genuine and the "dating your friend" thing was just a fluke. See how Saturday goes and feel it out.


----------



## Asrial

I just seriously hope my small "memory snippets" will work out something. She got a weakness for my acoustic guitar playing (wrote a song which she named!) and for the game "pocket tanks". And a healthy dose of alcohol will also improve the odds


----------



## Randy

"Pocket Tanks" indeed.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

weird but cool girl situation here.

Psychotic girl likes me. Trashy, insane, and just generally fucked up. I hung out with her out of peer pressure, and I found out she's friends with this girl I've liked forever. So by proxy I've been hanging out with her. They're both coming over Sunday, by the one I like's request , but how can I flirt/get with the one through her pyscho bitch friend? If the bitch one found out, she'd ruin the girls life, and fuck it up for me. Plus Im sure the one I like would never betray her friend like that.

For the record, the one Im into is about 100x as attractive as me, and it makes no sense that she likes me. It could all be a scam.


----------



## metal_sam14

PyramidSmasher said:


> weird but cool girl situation here.
> 
> Psychotic girl likes me. Trashy, insane, and just generally fucked up. I hung out with her out of peer pressure, and I found out she's friends with this girl I've liked forever. So by proxy I've been hanging out with her. They're both coming over Sunday, by the one I like's request , but how can I flirt/get with the one through her pyscho bitch friend? If the bitch one found out, she'd ruin the girls life, and fuck it up for me. Plus Im sure the one I like would never betray her friend like that.
> 
> For the record, the one Im into is about 100x as attractive as me, and it makes no sense that she likes me. It could all be a scam.



"does this rag smell of chloroform?" 

Knock the bitch out then proceed to tap sexy friend.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

metal_sam14 said:


> "does this rag smell of chloroform?"
> 
> Knock the bitch out then proceed to tap sexy friend.



If this is metaphorical, not a bad idea.

If it's literal


----------



## vampiregenocide

Kill the bitch, bang the hot girl, profit.


----------



## WickedSymphony

PyramidSmasher said:


> If this is metaphorical, not a bad idea.
> 
> If it's literal



If it's literal, it's still not a bad idea.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

if I should just avoid this situation I will


----------



## metal_sam14

PyramidSmasher said:


> if I should just avoid this situation I will



I think you should go for it, and if shit goes balls up then oh well, its not the worst that could happen i guess?


----------



## PyramidSmasher

metal_sam14 said:


> I think you should go for it, and if shit goes balls up then oh well, its not the worst that could happen i guess?



Yeah thats true.

Nervous as a mofo


----------



## JeffFromMtl

JeffFromMtl said:


> So Friday, I met a girl that actually got me going right off the bat for the first time in a while (there's only one other girl I'd been interested in since I broke up with my ex almost a year ago). Anyway, I ended up asking her if she'd be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee or something some time, thinking it would be best to keep the date short, since we don't know each other too well yet, and her response was "sure, or maybe we could go out to watch a hockey game or something?". My jaw hit the floor. I didn't even know girls like that existed. On top of being ridiculously gorgeous, she's down with going to watch sports for a first date  I don't want to get too stoked about this preemptively, but I'm feeling like all kinds of win.



The Canadiens lost, but I won


----------



## Randy

Well done, sir.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

JeffFromMtl said:


> The Canadiens lost, but I won


 
'attaboy!


----------



## Scar Symmetry

Randy said:


> FWIW, I had a "marry or break-up" kinda thing going on with my and my really long term girlfriend, made a million and one excuses not to do it and we broke up. It was a couple years later I realized that I could've married her penniless, homeless, and overburdened with work/school but at least we would've had eachother. All the shit I threw in the way was pretty much meaningless and I lost probably the greatest girl I could've ever found because I let myself get hung up on stuff that didn't matter.
> 
> Food for thought.



Ok, get to know Dave time.

When I was 14 I fell completely in love with a girl. This was no puppy love, it was serious as serious gets. I was only 14 and I knew for a fact that this girl was the "one". I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. But, being the proud and stubborn person I was at the time I let our ego BS get in the way and called it off so I could "win". Pathetic. I hurt her so badly that I will most likely never get the chance to get her back and I still pine over her from time to time 8 years after we split up.

So a lesson to you dudes who find a girl and you just know she's the "one", don't be stupid. You may or may not find a girl that equals or betters the girl of your dreams but you also may not. The "one" is worth stuffing your pride down for. The "one" is worth all the other BS that comes from relationships. The "one" is the one you will compare all future girlfriends to, and become crushed when you realise you will never feel the same way about them as you did about her.


----------



## Randy

So, apparently the girl from the story Dave quoted above got engaged this past Valentine's Day, to the guy she left me for.

And yes, it bothers me.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Randy said:


> So, apparently the girl from the story Dave quoted above got engaged this past Valentine's Day, to the guy she left me for.
> 
> And yes, it bothers me.


I have 2 exes I really believe I loved. Every time I see one of them with another guy or hear about it, I kinda cringe. Even when I'm already with another girl. It's the old wounds story all over again 

Your story is a bit more extreme even, not surprising it bothers you. Take care Randy.


----------



## vampiregenocide

I feel sorry for you guys who have had relationship issues with people you've been with for a long time. It's a shitter to get so into someone (dare you to highlight that pun) and then have it fall apart, but you are lucky in one respect.

I am 20, and will be 21 later this year. I have had barely any decent relationships that have lasted a while. I dated a girl who lived in Brighton (3-4 hour drive from me on a good day) and we got on like a house on fire. We dated for half a year I suppose, but we broke up at one point when I found the distance too much. I barely saw her. But we hooked back up. We used to speak on the phone every night for hours (you can imagine the phone bill...). I was young, but I genuinely consider that connection to be far more intense than any I have felt with another girl since. That was when I was 15. After that, I had very brief flings with girls that didn't last longer than a week at a time. Most of them were rebounds, both of us not really into each other, just seemed like an idea at the time. None of them progressed that far. From the age of 15 to 29, I haven't been in a proper relationship lasting longer than a week, that is until late last year. I knew this girl from college, as we had a few mutual friends and she was in the same art department as me. We barely spoke, but a while after she broke up with her boyfriend (don't worry, it was long enough not to raise alarm bells) we started talking, and it turned out she was going to the same uni as me. As luck would have it, the summer holidays before uni rolled around, and we had plenty of time to get to know each other. Se went on holiday for a while, but contacted me whenever she could. At this point we weren't even officially dating, we were just getting on very well. She got back and we met up, and we kinda just assumed we were going out. It felt so natural and we'd made a connection over the past few months it seemed like the obvious thing to do. We 'officially' started going out last september. This was a big thing for me, as it was over 4 years since my last relationship, and it filled me with new confidence. Especially considering how attractive she was compared to me. A few weeks later, we started uni together. Living only a few minutes away from her meant we saw each other pretty much every day, which was great. I had started learning about photography, a subject I love, and at the end of the day I got to see my beautiful girlfriend. It was the first time I had felt happy in a very long time, as I've suffered depression and insomnia for as long as I can remember.

A few weeks into uni, I found I didn't like it at all. Some might call this a bit early to judge, but nothing about the place was doing it for me. The people in my class were okay, but no one on my level who I clicked with, and so I felt rather isolated to the point that my girl was my only friend. Everyone goes to uni to get drunk and party, and as someone who barely drinks this student lifestyle didn't click with me at all. The area the uni was based in was pretty isolaed, apart from a supermarket up the road there was fuck all off campus. Every day I'd go back to my soulless room and wait until I was able to meet Lindsey. I spoke to her about it, and she was worried that it would affect our relationship if I left. I said I wasn't going to allow that, and decided to stay for her. But as the days went on this became increasingly difficult. We had a falling out one night, which I assumed was because I took things too fast sexually. We had a bit of space for a few days, then she spoke to me and said we were 'too different'. I acknowledged the issue I thought was the problem, and apologised for it, but she maintained it was because we were different, something I didn't understand as before this day we got on brilliantly. But there was nothing I could do, and a few days after my 20th birthday (epic fail) we split up. 

I was pretty bummed out, and kept myself to myself for a week, until I spoke to her again. She had a new boyfriend, a guy who I had voiced my concerns about due to being 'over-friendly' towards her. The fact she could move on so quickly hurt me even more, and made me feel like I literally didn't matter at all to her. It also made me paranoid that maybe she had cheated on me. I spent another month at uni in basically the worst depressive state I've ever been in, to the point of looking around my room for things to hang myself from. It wasn't just losing her, but that combined with the fact I wanted to leave uni (which I felt would let down my dad) that sparked off this whole self destructive phase. I lost a stone in weight in the couple of months I was there. Eventually I left, and having not currently killed myself it has definitely skewed my opinion of women and people as a whole, as well as put me in a situation where I'm unsure what if anything I am going to do with my life now. Being a depressed, single, unemployed university dropout is not a great thing to be. Having the one single decent relationship you've ever had last so shortly and end so quickly sums up your life. There are times when I still wonder if there is any point to my existence; the first 20 years of my life have been nothing but fck up after fuck up, when these teenage years are supposed to be your best. What now? What do I have to look forward to? A job? Retiring? These things seem like hollow things to wish for compared to love, and it has left me unmotivated, self-hating and generally a bit of a waster. 

I'm sorry for the wall of text, but for those of you who have had long relationships that have ended badly, at least you have had that. Even if it is just a memory, it is a testament to yoruself that there are qualities that women like in you, and are willing to stick with you for a long time for. That alone should be enough to give you the strength to look forwards and get thinsg right next time.


----------



## Asrial

Feel your pain mate.

The girl I mentioned earlier was the sole reason I felt like shit during boarding school, since she started going out with one of my best friends on the school, while I had paranoia about her being together with one of my other good friends because they spoke alot together.

I think I was at the edge of suicide 7 times or so, because of depressions with roots in that situation... Relationships are both blessings and curses.


----------



## Randy

vampiregenocide said:


> What now? What do I have to look forward to?



One answer: A chance at seeing life from a different perspective, over time. 

I'm only a few years older than you, but I experienced a lot of the same things you have. Several times where pretty much everything about your life sucked and you wonder why the hell you bother. Just like things have felt compounded over time, you'll also find incremental successes have a domino effect.

In that sense, you and I are both in the same predicament. I hate the people I hang around with, the girls or relationships I've courted recently are all meaningless, I actually never went to college either and sometimes I feel really disenfranchised with work. Sans hanging out on the forum and watching TV, I can't say there's much of anything I really _do_ like right now.

However, there are things to aspire to. I'm not meeting the right people because, to be honest, I'm not putting myself in a place where I'm surrounded by people with similar hobbies and interests. In your case, I know you're passionate about music and the Dissonant Media thing has been on the way up. Concentrating on things that you have which can progress and that you have control over is of great value. It's all stuff you know already, though... it's just that when you're down in the hole, it's hard to see out. You still know there's a world out there because you've been there and there have at least been things you've experienced in it that you enjoy.

With regard to the girl having left and ended up with a guy shortly thereafter, it hurts, but that happens by design. I see women do it more often than men (although, both are guilty) but they plant those seeds... you fall in love, you fall out of love and then you figure out the next thing. It doesn't mean you're not a catch, it just means it wasn't 'meant to be'. This is also a bigger issue with younger people than older... being impulsive and emotional, rather than really trying at keeping things going. I know for a fact this gets better over time (ie. when people learn to grow the fuck up).

The thing with you is, just like you said in PM... you know the right advice but it's hard to follow. As cynical as your point of view was by the end of the story, the fact that you were able to recap the early part of those relationships fondly shows that you can still appreciate the finer things in interacting with people... it's just tainted by how you're feeling now. 

I've given up on people 1000x over and every time I do, you see something in people that gives you faith. I'm sure you can recall at least a few times. Inevitably we're always let down, but I believe heavily in grading humanity by what they do at their best, rather than at their worst. For one, I felt like utter shit and mistreated by my "friends" over the stuff surrounding my ex getting engaged... They all hid it from me, minus my two closest friends who knew nothing about it, so when I told them, one ran off and didn't talk to me all day, and the other pretty much implied I was stupid for pursuing finding out in the first place and also disappeared. I had nobody, but you know... I spoke to you and you were there when I needed it.  That's what we do for eachother, and I guarantee there'll always be those people in your life... the hope is just that one day that person has tits and wants you to touch them.  I'm banking on the same here.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Thanks man, I really appreciate that. There is a degree of optimism that is always present at the back of my mind, I suppose if there wasn't I would've topped myself by now. But I haven't so thats a sign I suppose that I have some faith that things will change.

I'm hoping things sort out over time, it's just awfully depressing to look at the last 20 years of your life and see only mistaes, knowing they will probably reflect on the rest of your life unless you do otherwise. I have a lot of changing to do, and it's going to be difficult. We'll see I suppose.

Likewise I think things look up for you bro.


----------



## WickedSymphony

Randy said:


> the hope is just that one day that person has tits and wants you to touch them.



What if they're man-tits?


----------



## Randy

Moobs do not count, sir.


----------



## WickedSymphony

Got it, boss.


----------



## leandroab

HAhaha went on a triple date (3 girls 3 guys) last night. My girl was fucking crazy, annoying, and ugly. Had a "I'm older than you I rock you suck" complex. I couldn't even have a decent conversation with her. I metaphorically told her to go fuck herself and proceeded to get drunk with my friends that were nearby...

Tonight, it's club night.. I'll probably go home with a 0x0 again, but at least i'll get drunk and have fun with my friends...

I guess...


PS: I'm not drunk this time.


----------



## renzoip

leandroab said:


> HAhaha went on a triple date (3 girls 3 guys) last night. My girl was fucking crazy, annoying, and ugly. Had a "I'm older than you I rock you suck" complex. I couldn't even have a decent conversation with her. I metaphorically told her to go fuck herself and proceeded to get drunk with my friends that were nearby...
> 
> Tonight, it's club night.. I'll probably go home with a 0x0 again, but at least i'll get drunk and have fun with my friends...
> 
> I guess...
> 
> 
> PS: I'm not drunk this time.



I've had similar issues, to a lesser degree, when going on dates with older chicks. Whatever, if they are so quick to judge, then they are not for you. Older does not mean more mature, they should know this by now.

Good luck tonight, go get some younger pussy!!  But keep it legal.


----------



## TreWatson

my situation is an odd one.

i recently reconnected with my show buddy, a girl named jaime. she used to live in VA, and any time i'd go to jaxx or 9:30, we'd always hang out and have fun. one thing about it is that i am literally in love with this girl. she's smart, cute, digs metal and deathcore, plays guitar, and is HONESTLY interested in my life and wants to see me happy. anyway, we started talking again, and it's like old times. i told her about how i felt so long ago, and to my surprise, she told me she loves me too!

...after she moved to conneticut.

god. fucking. damn it. unfortunately i'm focusing on school really heavy because i need to get out. my school situation is an awful one in that i'm in my 4th year at a 2 year college not because of any fault of my own, but because the music department has refused to offer courses i need.

all this fighting the school has left me with very little free time. but even still, i take every day, chance and opportunity to message her on skype, call her, and in general enjoy her presence.

this sucks because i don't have time, money or means to get my ass up there to see her, even once.

wat do, friends.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Well let her know your position, and tell her you currently can't give her the time of attention she deserves, but when the day comes, which is hopefully sooner rather than later, that you'd definitely want to have her in your life.


----------



## TreWatson

vampiregenocide said:


> Well let her know your position, and tell her you currently can't give her the time of attention she deserves, but when the day comes, which is hopefully sooner rather than later, that you'd definitely want to have her in your life.



well, thats the thing.

i WANT to give her this time any attention, but she tells me not to.

D'oh.


----------



## vampiregenocide

What you mean?


----------



## leandroab

renzoip said:


> I've had similar issues, to a lesser degree, when going on dates with older chicks. Whatever, if they are so quick to judge, then they are not for you. Older does not mean more mature, they should know this by now.
> 
> Good luck tonight, go get some younger pussy!!  But keep it legal.



HAhahaha yeah, again, I have no hopes for tonight, but you never know man.

I'll keep the "how old are you?" speech aside tonight.. See what happens.

PS: I AM drunk right now... Like super drunk... hahahah 

This should be interesting...


----------



## -42-

leandroab said:


> HAhaha went on a triple date (3 girls 3 guys) last night. My girl was fucking crazy, annoying, and ugly. Had a "I'm older than you I rock you suck" complex. I couldn't even have a decent conversation with her. I metaphorically told her to go fuck herself and proceeded to get drunk with my friends that were nearby...



Protip, she can't talk while fellating.


----------



## leandroab

As I (and Nostradamus) predicted, the night blew swamp ass. I wasted money, listened to shitty music, got no women, and went home.... What a nice night this was.

Fuck my motherfucking life. I did laugh a lot in the club after giving up on women there because I was drunk and me and my friends decided to act like retards, because of the music... Next time I should try a rave. Fucking clubs playing weird music...

Imagine you hearing some random trip hop or some shit, than the DJ crossfades to some random sesame street song. Yeah, it was like that.. What the fuck.

Well whatever, I'm not gonna kill myself, but I am kinda pissed.


----------



## UnderTheSign

I'm asshole, so I'll just tell ya this. Being a drunkass won't get you laid any easier. You also seem to be trying a *little* too hard. Go with the flow, broski.


----------



## leandroab

UnderTheSign said:


> I'm asshole, so I'll just tell ya this. Being a drunkass won't get you laid any easier.



I wasn't aiming to get laid nor I was drunk as fook. Well, I mean, not retarded drunk, more like the technical term.. Uh.. Intoxicated? Lol I think you know what I'm talking about.

Well, whatever.


----------



## Justin Bailey

Started talking to a cute girl yesterday. Seems genuinly nice, smart, just a very nice, good person. She told me out right that she was interested. Problem is... I'm scared. I don't think I'm over my ex yet. I don't want to start dating someone and then just start comparing her to my ex. I don't want to do that to a person, to not be genuine. And at the same time... I've been so lonely since the ex left, I've been in a terrible rut. But again... I don't want to start dating someone just because I'm lonely. The ex was the one, and I still feel it. It's so odd how when you're with someone it seems like there are so many women out there... and yet when you're alone none of them seem to matter enough to make you care. /emo


----------



## WickedSymphony

leandroab said:


> Lol I think you know what I'm talking about.



Buzzed?


----------



## Varcolac

Justin Bailey said:


> The ex was the one, and I still feel it.



This is your problem. There is no "one." There's just people. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you want to spend the rest of your life with them. If you're lucky they'll feel the same way. Sometimes you break up. Sometimes you find someone else and fall in love all over again.

If you never try because you're so hung up on "the one," you'll never find another. A smart, cute girl is interested in you. Your ex isn't. I know which girl I'd go for.


----------



## leandroab

Justin Bailey said:


> ] I don't think I'm over my ex yet.



Well then, if you really still like your ex then give yourself some more time. If you start a relationship with this new girl like that, it will only end up in shit...



WickedSymphony said:


> Buzzed?



Yep...


----------



## KingAenarion

I get my girlfriend back in one and a half hours 

She's been overseas for 6 months 

Picking her up at the airport 

Her mum will be there, so nothing inappropriate 

She's the love of my life and I will probably propose in the next 3 months or so 


So to all you nerdy musicians out there, have hope because even a mug like me can get a damn fine girl... and I mean FINE  She also happens to like Metal


----------



## BucketheadRules

Ugh... here is my situation.

There happens to be a girl I've been enormously into for a very, very long time. She's stunning, I'm most definitely not. We don't really see very much of each other atm, so I've been trying to get to know her a little better recently. I desperately want to make a move at some point, but I don't feel capable of doing it at all. I have literally no self-confidence, it's been steadily beaten out of me at school for the last five years. I don't even know if I'm wasting my time or not here... realistically I keep wondering whether I have a chance. I'm probably not even on her radar.

Jesus Christ...


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Well, she's definitely not going to be into it if you keep up with that attitude. If you're so convinced you're not up to snuff for any girl, then I hate to break it to you, but you're not. If you don't like yourself, why should she? You've got to decide/know that you're a catch before any girl will see you as such. Attitude and confidence are about 99% of the game, whatever else you bring to the table is kind of useless without 'em. And your attitude sucks  Sure, not everyone's great at everything, but if you can recognize your shortcomings, accept what you can, and fix what you can't, and embrace your positive qualities, then others will too


----------



## UnderTheSign

^There's so much truth in that post.
If you're convinced you won't get a girl, you won't. Or, you might, but in the long run she'll discover what you're like and BAM you're on your own again.

While it may sound like utter nonsense, it's all about knowing who you are. Know your shortcomings, but also know your positive sides. If you claim you can't find any, toughen up ya princess, and dig deeper.

My girlsfriends, flings, random shags, flirts, whatever, were all in the times I felt good. When I feel good, I come across as constantly friendly and happy, with a positive outlook on things (despite a slightly cynical and sharp sense of humor - but hey, a fast mind and witty jokes work for the ladies, too ). I went through a rubbish period when I had my previous girlfriend, and hey, guess what, I sunk deeper and deeper and eventually she just ended it.

Hell, if you're not confident about yourself, ask yourself, why? Is it your physique? Shape up. Your appearance? Ditch the sloppy clothes, get a new haircut, whatever. Feel good about who you are, what you do and what you stand for, that's all that matters.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Justin Bailey said:


> Started talking to a cute girl yesterday. Seems genuinly nice, smart, just a very nice, good person. She told me out right that she was interested. Problem is... I'm scared. I don't think I'm over my ex yet. I don't want to start dating someone and then just start comparing her to my ex. I don't want to do that to a person, to not be genuine. And at the same time... I've been so lonely since the ex left, I've been in a terrible rut. But again... I don't want to start dating someone just because I'm lonely. The ex was the one, and I still feel it. It's so odd how when you're with someone it seems like there are so many women out there... and yet when you're alone none of them seem to matter enough to make you care. /emo



i felt the same as you for the better part of a year. my ex dumped me and moved on in her life (fairly rapidly too, i still think i was left for another guy). i thought she was the one, and i wouldnt find another like her. the truth of the matter was that i mistook the connection and the passion we had for being my soul mate, when really i just never experienced it before. after i found some perspective and clarity, i realized there were things in that relationship i didn't like at all. 
for example: i didn't like that when faced with adversity she couldn't cope, so i made a mental note that my dream girl should be able to cope better. my ex also was very easily led by those she considered to be authority figures in her life, so i made a note that my dream girl should be someone who could truly think for herself, and to take the suggestions of others (even myself) as just that, suggestions. my ex had a pyscho mother, a controlling and manipulative older sister, and a momma's boy for an older brother. her mother despised me for being a young man dating her daughter, her sister despised me because i stood up to her when she asserted something false about me. and her brother didn't like me because mama didn't like me. so i decided my dream girl needs to have a stable and loving family. 
it may have taken some time, but had i done this six months sooner i would've been happier sooner, im dating a lovely young lady right now who loves me and who loves metal \m/. realize your ex wasn't perfect, and that there were things you probably never liked or simply put up with. i say give this girl a shot, have some fun, let your guard down. you may be surprised, and if you dont think she has what you want, move on. and if all she wants is a bang buddy, then... well if you dont want that i suggest getting your head checked


----------



## UnderTheSign

Nothing wrong with bang buddies as long as you don't get attached!


----------



## Ibanezsam4

UnderTheSign said:


> Nothing wrong with bang buddies as long as you don't get attached!



 indeed. i almost had that opportunity once, but she wanted to get attached


----------



## Encephalon5

Senior year in high school. I've dated two girls since starting. a junior my freshman year. We did nothing but fuck for two months. Got with an old friend from the same school after moving. this was my junior year after getting hit by a truck. mad sympathy I guesss. 

I'm fairly happy being single. I'd like to get with someone. both relationships left me feeling fairly awful afterwards. the second, megan was her name, broke up with me after my best friend for the past year or so decided she didn't want to be friends because her current boyfriend didn't like me. things got patched up we were buddies, I'm actually starting a band with the guy she was dating at the time (guy who didn't like me). cool ass dude, great friends he and i are so thats cool. no harm no foul. gladly she's out of my life for good. her current boyfriend didnt like me and she pulled the same shit so i told her to fuck herself. I'm quite happy to be rid of her. sucks though....

I'm hanging out, waiting around, etc. It's kind of odd though. I have crazy ass misgivings when it comes to things like this. I'm really a nice guy i guess. I don't want to get into things and it not work oout and hurt the other person. 

so i guess I'm just biding my time. I have my eyes on a few cuties. but it's been so long since ive really done this sort of thing so i have no idea how to approach girls. the two ive been with took the initiative. ive been talking to this one girl. we chat. she IMs me as soon as she logs on, she says she likes talking to me, might be a little flirty, and shes adorable. so, we'll see what happens. I miss being with someone.  I like cuddles. theres nothing quite like cuddles 

good luck to you all. send me some good mojo my way if you have some to spare. I think i need it.


----------



## UnderTheSign

I've never met a girl that doesn't (be it secretly) like guys who dig romance and cuddles. Well, save for the one night stand sluts, anyway.


----------



## Murmel

UnderTheSign said:


> I've never met a girl that doesn't (be it secretly) like guys who dig romance and cuddles. Well, save for the one night stand sluts, anyway.


Well, I honestly don't understand how anyone can't like cuddling. It's awesome 
Speaking of cuddling, I totally wanna do that with a lady-friend I've fallen in love with


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Ditched by a girl today!

Gary Moore + Self Pity for the night.


----------



## WickedSymphony

Murmel said:


> I totally wanna do a lady-friend I've fallen in love with



Fixed.


----------



## Cadavuh

I've just been dumped. Over the phone. 2 1/2 year relationship.


----------



## WickedSymphony

for you, sir.


----------



## Murmel

WickedSymphony said:


> Fixed.


Ah yes, I apologize, I was very tired when I wrote that, and tired + English as a second language.. Well, it doesn't quite mix


----------



## WickedSymphony

Murmel said:


> Ah yes, I apologize, I was very tired when I wrote that, and tired + English as a second language.. Well, it doesn't quite mix



Apparently I was tired as well - my fix was supposed to say "I totally wanna do a lady friend I've fallen in love with." I forgot to remove the "that with," but I went back and fixed my own fix


----------



## leandroab

Cadavuh said:


> I've just been dumped. Over the phone. 2 1/2 year relationship.



Balls...

Sorry :/


----------



## 13point9




----------



## UnderTheSign

Cadavuh said:


> I've just been dumped. Over the phone. 2 1/2 year relationship.


Yikes man, that's fucking weak shit right there. Good luck.


----------



## Mexi

my friend sarah was dumped by her boyfriend of 3 years by TEXT (and he was cheating on her with another woman for a year) never understood how people could be such scumbags.


----------



## soliloquy

to those who are saying 'she was the one' or listening to ricky martin's song and crying yourself to sleep while you sing 'shes all, shes all i ever had'...

heres my school of thought. agree with it or not, i'll toss it to you.

there are over 6 billion people on earth. if you really believe in your soul mate, you would have to go through all 6 billion people...OR, if you wanna stay clear, then maybe 51% of that population being women...so you really wanna go through all 51% of women world wide to find 'the one'?

i dont mean to be pessimistic, and i apologize if thats how i'm coming off. but hear me out.

i dont believe in soul mates. what i do believe in is that there are certain people out there that you're compatible with. some more than others. and then others you just cant get along with. even if you find someone you are '100%' compatible with, there will be little quirks here and there that you dislike about the person. there will be other random issues that will bother you. 

i mean, relationships aren't perfect. they require a lot of work from both sides. and a relationship is what you make of it. if you treat the relationship as crap, then thats exactly what you'll get out of it. if you treat it as sacred, it may be amazing (it may not be, depending on how big a jerk the other partner is...) but if you find one person you're compatible with, and she walks out on you, then there will be other folks out there that will be equally compatible, if not, then more. or...maybe even a bit less.

but the point is, there are other people out there. 


also, when you see new people, dont compare em to your previous experiences or life chances that you've had. treat each and every person as a new, unique being. for example: next time you see a 17 year old single mom, dont think of her as a young careless slut. see her as a brave and strong person coz she could have given the child up, or got aborted, or got the child killed by not treating it right.

you do that, and you'll appreciate the world a whole lot more, and it may help you get out of the rut you're in.

i'm no guru or nothing, but back in higschool, i found that girl who perfectly fit EVERYTHING i ever dreamed for in a girl. she had the look, the intelligence, the confidence, the humor, the personality, the interest in new things, adventurous, plus, she had the perfect body (for me). it was one of those things that i made up this woman in my head to such high standards, that i knew no one would ever fit that criteria...but then there she was. i fell for her HARD. we became great friends for almost a year. however, for some reason, she, out of the blue, just severed me out of her life. she didn't give me a reason, stopped taking my calls, stopped emails, stopped msn (back when MSN was HUGE!!!), she even changed her email address and everything. suddenly this person was not the same. even her personality changed...

after she cut me off, i dove into 3 years of agonizing self-inflicted (almost) torture. for the first year and a half, i just hated myself for screwing up something so perfect (in my head at least it was perfect). i kept going over everything i did with her, trying to figure out where i went wrong. where i could have improved myself. i stopped hanging out with my friends because of that, and stopped doing a lot of things because of that. 

the next year and a half, i some how dug deeper than rock bottom. i became apathetic. after trying to figure out where i went wrong, and how to improve myself, and constantly coming with 'no answer', i just gave up. but i didn't just give up on myself, but everything and everyone around me. i couldn't appreciate anything. music, art, beauty, life, food, pets, nothing. not even a child laughing altered whatever i was going through...i wanted to hate myself for that, but i just couldn't even do that. 

while i was in that mode, i gave up on a lot of great chances i could have had. a lot of women threw themselves at me, but i just didn't care (again, some of them were amazing women, but i just didn't care). a lot of great jobs, of other opportunities, and it didn't make a difference to me. 

i had to change. not exactly sure what happened, but i started seeing the world differently. started going deeper than face value of things. i started appreciating everyting. from something as obvious to the sun, to the smallest things that barley anyone notices. watching an ant climb a wall, watching paint dry, or watching the day go by, ever so slowly, and still appreciating it. everything became different and beautiful.

with that, someone amazing walked into my life. i have been going out with her for 3 years now, and would be getting engaged in the next few months to her. she's amazing. and i may have missed out on her if i was still hating my life and everything in it for something that happened in my past. yes, it was shitting, and yes, having a closure would have been nice, but i emerged from it a better, stronger person. 

yes, my current girlfriend is insane. yes, she has insane mood swings. yes, she gets mad when i'm too busy with other projects in life like work or school. no, shes not perfect, but honestly, i'm glad she isn't. its the little things in life i look for. 

see the world differently. everything, everyone has a different story that they themselves may not be aware of. but you can hear it if you pay attention to the subtle things around them.


----------



## -42-

For those who tl:dr'd on the above post allow me to help...

Fuck bitches. Get money.


----------



## leandroab

-42- said:


> For those who tl:dr'd on the above post allow me to help...
> 
> Fuck bitches. Get money.




I'll have a big cup of "Fuck bitches. Get money" tomorrow morning...


----------



## TXDeathMetal

Just follow the advice of Mel Gibson and be done with it...


----------



## Cadavuh

Hey, I'm look at the upside, sex with other women if it so happens to present itself.


----------



## Varcolac

soliloquy said:


> there are over 6 billion people on earth. if you really believe in your soul mate, you would have to go through all 6 billion people...OR, if you wanna stay clear, then maybe 51% of that population being women...so you really wanna go through all 51% of women world wide to find 'the one'?





Your love is one in a million
You couldn't buy it at any price

But of the 9 point 9 hundred thousand other loves,
Statistically some of them would be equally nice.

Or maybe not as nice but say, smarter than you...
Or dumber but better at sport or...
Tracing

I'm just saying
I really think that I would
Probably
Have somebody else

Yeah.


----------



## renzoip

Alright, dudes. It's time to voice y concerns,

As of lately I've been having the following problem: 4 girls that I have been pursuing have told me that they think i'm "such a nice guy." That, of course meaning "you are so nice that I'd rather not date you and instead have you as a friend that I can talk to about other douche bags I like with." Respectively, my feelings about is are WTF is this shit?? 

Now, I've never been a player, but I've also never had so many problems getting girls. This is just really weird, because I'm not even sure what it is that might be sending them this kind of signals. I, for one, have always been regarded by people around me as an overall friendly/humble/easy going. But as far as I am concerned, this is supposed to be a good thing. I'm not saying chicks would feel attracted to me because I'm a friendly/easy going, but I also don't understand why this would be such a strong turn off. 

I might be wrong, but if I am, then how do you think I could correct this? I mean, idk if things like inviting her a coffee at Starbucks of holding the door for her are things that may be big No-No's; because I'm not a flattering/sucking up to them, and I'm definitely not whipped.

Whatever, the case, what do you guys say?? Is there anything I can do to not come off as a "nice guy"?? I've heard that I should be a little more cocky or a little bit more of a dick, idk... I mean, I'm not trying to be a complete douche, but I don't want this whole "niceness" to keep girls from seeing anything else worthy in my. 

Help will be much appreciated.


----------



## flo

renzoip said:


> Alright, dudes. It's time to voice y concerns,
> 
> As of lately I've been having the following problem: 4 girls that I have been pursuing have told me that they think i'm "such a nice guy." That, of course meaning "you are so nice that I'd rather not date you and instead have you as a friend that I can talk to about other douche bags I like with." Respectively, my feelings about is are WTF is this shit??
> 
> Now, I've never been a player, but I've also never had so many problems getting girls. This is just really weird, because I'm not even sure what it is that might be sending them this kind of signals. I, for one, have always been regarded by people around me as an overall friendly/humble/easy going. But as far as I am concerned, this is supposed to be a good thing. I'm not saying chicks would feel attracted to me because I'm a friendly/easy going, but I also don't understand why this would be such a strong turn off.
> 
> I might be wrong, but if I am, then how do you think I could correct this? I mean, idk if things like inviting her a coffee at Starbucks of holding the door for her are things that may be big No-No's; because I'm not a flattering/sucking up to them, and I'm definitely not whipped.
> 
> Whatever, the case, what do you guys say?? Is there anything I can do to not come off as a "nice guy"?? I've heard that I should be a little more cocky or a little bit more of a dick, idk... I mean, I'm not trying to be a complete douche, but I don't want this whole "niceness" to keep girls from seeing anything else worthy in my.
> 
> Help will be much appreciated.




Fuck, I know what you're talking about man, I'm the same.

From everything I see and read the assholes score more women and are seen as more manly, strong, being able to protect a woman etc, some stoneage instincts. 
I say for gods sake don't change your personality and try to become an asshole yourself, that would be a shame.

Be prowd of who you are, finally a girl who's maybe been hurt a couple of times by dicks will appreciate the way you are. 

From what I've understood it's important not to be a save guess, don't show too much interest if you like/love a girl, don't be available all the time, don't chase her, but let her chase you and make it a little difficult for her.
And then, when she thinks " why is he ignoring me, stupid?" ask her for a date, and make clear you don't just wanna be fiends, try to kiss her and all this disgusting stuff 

Have fun!


Edit: forgot this one: Having some attractive female friends around you is one of _the_ most important things other girls will notice! You are for example at a party, got two or three girls around you and notice a girl watching you. You ignore her for maybe half an hour, flirt a little with your friends, make them lough etc. and then you go awayfrom them straight to your target, say hi, talk alittle and go away five minutes later (that's the no-easy-prey part). If you've made a positive impression, she'll give you her number. If not- next one.


----------



## renzoip

flo said:


> Fuck, I know what you're talking about man, I'm the same.
> 
> From everything I see and read the assholes score more women and are seen as more manly, strong, being able to protect a woman etc, some stoneage instincts.
> I say for gods sake don't change your personality and try to become an asshole yourself, that would be a shame.
> 
> Be prowd of who you are, finally a girl who's maybe been hurt a couple of times by dicks will appreciate the way you are.
> 
> From what I've understood it's important not to be a save guess, don't show too much interest if you like/love a girl, don't be available all the time, don't chase her, but let her chase you and make it a little difficult for her.
> And then, when she thinks " why is he ignoring me, stupid?" ask her for a date, and make clear you don't just wanna be friends, try to kiss her and all this disgusting stuff
> 
> Have fun!
> 
> 
> Edit: forgot this one: Having some attractive female friends around you is one of _the_ most important things other girls will notice! You are for example at a party, got two or three girls around you and notice a girl watching you. You ignore her for maybe half an hour, flirt a little with your friends, make them lough etc. and then you go awayfrom them straight to your target, say hi, talk alittle and go away five minutes later (that's the no-easy-prey part). If you've made a positive impression, she'll give you her number. If not- next one.



Yeah, I am not looking forward to becoming a douche; a girls who likes douche bags is likely to be a stupid bitch herself anyways, not my type. I've always been nice dude, and I've never had such a hard time getting girls, that's why I didn't worry about before like I do now. 

You make some good points about not being a save guess. I'll try to let them chase me (if they are interested). I've been already working on making my intentions a bit clearer so they know I'm not looking to be just friends. And yes, you are right about having good looking friends around me, I've never really thought about it like that.

Thanks!


----------



## Asrial

Asrial said:


> And another scenario is forming for little me...
> 
> A former flame of mine from the boarding school... Well, complicated shits.
> We had a relationship back then, which got spoiled by one of my best friends. They hooked up together when i was with my ex, their relationship lasted just as long.
> 
> Jump to a week ago, she asked me for my number over MSN, and 20 minutes later, she texts me, that she really fucking horribadly misses me, and she regrets her being together with my friend. Quite odd she didn't mention it before over MSN or facebook, maybe she just wanted it to be, i dont know, more private or something?
> Now, we haven't seen eachother since october, where we didn't even greet eachother, but honest to god, I miss her! And we are seeing eachother again next saturday. I even bought some nostalgic items to cheer her up.
> 
> I just really want to revive our relationship, is there anyone that can help?



Let's get an update!
I greeted her as the very first when she stepped inside the door, and she totally ignored me...
For no reason at all...
Throughout the rest of the night...
Without giving a fuck about me...

FUCK HER

But damn, drunk I was, hard mindfcuk I achieved.


----------



## Faine

So, the girl i've been crushin on for a while just told me she got into a relationship with another dude and put me in " best friend zone".... I dont get it, i'm a good looking guy, great personality, has a job and I go to college and whatever, this guy does drugs, is unemployed, doesnt go to school and is in $50,000 DOLLARS IN DEBT. I dont get it. Yea I know I shoulda put the moves on her and whatever, and I tried that. I told her I liked her and All I got back was an " awww" and an " i'm sorry" with a hug. WHATEVER BRO.


----------



## renzoip

Faine said:


> So, the girl i've been crushin on for a while just told me she got into a relationship with another dude and put me in " best friend zone".... I dont get it, i'm a good looking guy, great personality, has a job and I go to college and whatever, this guy does drugs, is unemployed, doesnt go to school and is in $50,000 DOLLARS IN DEBT. I dont get it. Yea I know I shoulda put the moves on her and whatever, and I tried that. I told her I liked her and All I got back was an " awww" and an " i'm sorry" with a hug. WHATEVER BRO.




That sucks, man. I know how that feels. If you are not interested in the current position she has assigned you, then make it clear to her that you are not that type of "best friend" guy. By this I don't mean get all mad at get / give her an attitude. Rather, just go about with your life and invest your dedication into other productive things (and women). And of course, don't make yourself too available for her, specially if she is gonna start talking about other dudes; be there for her when she wants to go out and have a good time. 

Don't worry too much about what she saw on this guy... in the end it is kind of irrelevant. Although her taste in guys should tell you something about her and where her priorities are. Lastly, while the friend zone sucks, it is not unbreakable; it is not easy but it is doable.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Aaand to bring some positivity in here, my friend who's in Birmingham 'till late may is coming over here for a weekend in 2-3 weeks. Gonna go to the movies and the beach, or something like that. I have a positive outlook on this.


----------



## flo

I met a girl at uni who's pretty (very), funny, smart and is into Meshuggah.

Can you tell I have a crush? 

Man, I neeed to make her my wife. How is it done?


----------



## 13point9

flo said:


> I met a girl at uni who's pretty (very), funny, smart and is into Meshuggah.
> 
> Can you tell I have a crush?
> 
> Man, I neeed to make her my wife. How is it done?



Listen to Cannibal Corpse.



Take lyrics at face value.

But seriously, just be chill and go with the flow, something I never do unfortunately and it fucks things up...


----------



## flo

13point9 said:


> Listen to Cannibal Corpse.
> 
> 
> 
> Take lyrics at face value.
> 
> But seriously, just be chill and go with the flow, something I never do unfortunately and it fucks things up...



I can't but go with the flo(w), 

And how could I possibly take advice from Cannibal Corpse? I don't get a word he says... :/

But thanks mate, only reading your three lines boosts my courage


----------



## powerofze

I have a funny problem regarding girls. I don't see it as a problem however, I think I have friend-zoned an insane amount of girls (not them friend-zoning me)

I would be ok with having a relationship with them but, at the same time, I want to avoid it because since she is my friend, it could get a little awkward etc.

Problem is, I have a lot of hot friends, and it can be hard to resist, but I have a feeling one of them might be coming on to me, not sure how I would go about that. 

Darn I wish I didn't know her at all then none of this would be a problem.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Well, I carried on trying to talk to this girl but she didn't seem too bothered, not in *that* way anyway... I've known her a very long time so, after some considerable thought, I think the friendship comes first, I'd rather be a good friend to her than fuck everything up (potentially)... so I've decided to finally call it a day on trying to be more than a friend. Now I just need to get off my arse and start trying to meet people.


----------



## Gamma362

Me and my girlfriend broke up about 2.5 weeks ago, we've been trying to be friends,(we have the same group of friends, its how we met) so its in our best interest to do that, i just may have fucked everything up though. I wanted to talk to her after we left a friends house tonight, she insisted on me texting her about it (which i hate i feel at the very least these things deserve a phone call) i agree to text her, send her this huge long, pretty emo text, not gonna go into any more details about it, and i think it just fucked everything up between us, and i wont know for sure until she either texts me back or i see her at school monday...

tl/dr: i think i fucked up things between me and my ex when we are trying to be friends...


----------



## powerofze

Gamma362 said:


> Me and my girlfriend broke up about 2.5 weeks ago, we've been trying to be friends,(we have the same group of friends, its how we met) so its in our best interest to do that, i just may have fucked everything up though. I wanted to talk to her after we left a friends house tonight, she insisted on me texting her about it (which i hate i feel at the very least these things deserve a phone call) i agree to text her, send her this huge long, pretty emo text, not gonna go into any more details about it, and i think it just fucked everything up between us, and i wont know for sure until she either texts me back or i see her at school monday...
> 
> tl/dr: i think i fucked up things between me and my ex when we are trying to be friends...


That's why I'd try and avoid dating friends. You could end up losing something much more than just a girlfriend


----------



## Gamma362

powerofze said:


> That's why I'd try and avoid dating friends. You could end up losing something much more than just a girlfriend



i know, we werent really friends before we started dating though, we started talk a lot and started to become really friendly then everything just kinda happened


----------



## JamesM

:bitchesaintshit:


----------



## OzoneJunkie

message deleted - deciding to keep my private life private...


----------



## Murmel

Am I the only one here who thinks that being in love sucks fucking balls? It's just nothing but anxiety, restlessness and all that stuff.
Granted, when you get to speak or be with the person you are in love with, it's nice, even if that person perhaps doesn't know/doesn't feel the same about you.
A shame those moments don't happen too often... Most of the time it's just horrible :|


----------



## vampiregenocide

Sometimes I wish I had a beautiful crest or frill that would make it easier to attract mates. Unfortunately I just have my face. Fml.


----------



## Fzau

vampiregenocide said:


> Sometimes I wish I had a beautiful crest or frill that would make it easier to attract mates. Unfortunately I just have my face. Fml.



Well, if you think it's your look why not restyle a little?


----------



## vampiregenocide

Fzau said:


> Well, if you think it's your look why not restyle a little?


 
I don't believe in plastic surgery.


----------



## powerofze

Looks mean a lot less to us men than women. Keep that in mine my friend. (unless you are a female then uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)


----------



## Murmel

powerofze said:


> Looks mean a lot less to us men than women. Keep that in mine my friend. (unless you are a female then uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)


What? I bet my ass off that men are more shallow when it comes to choosing partners.
If you mean how well we take care of ourselves, then yes, women spend more time on their appearance than most men.


----------



## Randy

Losing the game here.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Hmm...I'm not sure who I think is more shallow. I've seen a lot of meh guys with hot girls and wondered how they did it.


----------



## BrainArt

vampiregenocide said:


> Hmm...I'm not sure who I think is more shallow. I've seen a lot of meh guys with hot girls and wondered how they did it.



Confidence, Orss, confidence. They must have read JohnIce's dating book.


----------



## vampiregenocide




----------



## wannabguitarist

So any advice on how to tell your girlfriend that you've noticed she's gained weight? About a month after we first started dating she mentioned we should try not to get lazy because we're in a relationship (we've both been in a lot better shape) and since then I've been putting a lot of effort into working out (and she's noticed the results) but she's been working out less and eating more :/. I'm not really sure how to go about doing this and I feel really bad that it bothers me.


----------



## Faine

Anyone grow feelings for their best friends ex? Kinda cant do anything about it because I have respect for my best friend... but This girl kinda had a thing for me since her freshman year of highschool and she told me she liked me but I wasnt interested at the time. shes 21 now, i'm 22 and weve been hangin out a lot. Were both single and the other day we were watching a movie on her couch and she kinda cuddled with me cuz it was 6 am and we were tired as shit. But I was thinkin to myself "ehhh this feels funny cuz youre my best friends ex and I dont want to grow feelings for you" . Idk what to do.


----------



## Murmel

Gah, me and one of my lady-friends have totally grown apart (don't know if this is the correct English term though..) the last 3 weeks. We've not spoken nearly as much as we used to.
I think I'm gonna see if she's free this weekend, would be awesome if we could hang out one night.


----------



## MFB

I've been meaning to go to ex-biddy's house and apologize for being a douche, but pneumonia is currently holding me back

Curse you disease


----------



## Mr Violence

This will probably be my last entry here for a while. 

Girl broke up with me for good and is moving to LA. We're unalike, don't enjoy the same things and we probably were continuing along because it was comfortable. And that's it.

Bummed hard, but I'm not upset about it. It had to happen. Only thing I'm upset about is the fact that she wants to not tell anyone so friends don't take sides while she's still here. Kinda weird, considering they're all MY friends. But whatever.

The end. I'm gonna rock the JohnIce lifestyle for a bit when I recover. Who wants to drink with me?!


----------



## Mr Violence

Faine said:


> Anyone grow feelings for their best friends ex? Kinda cant do anything about it because I have respect for my best friend... but This girl kinda had a thing for me since her freshman year of highschool and she told me she liked me but I wasnt interested at the time. shes 21 now, i'm 22 and weve been hangin out a lot. Were both single and the other day we were watching a movie on her couch and she kinda cuddled with me cuz it was 6 am and we were tired as shit. But I was thinkin to myself "ehhh this feels funny cuz youre my best friends ex and I dont want to grow feelings for you" . Idk what to do.



I've been in this situation many times. It depends on where things stand with your best friend. Be straight with him about it. Ease into the conversation.

How long ago did they break?


----------



## Kidneythief

It seems it won't get better no matter how hard I try...
It's been almost 4 months since my girl broke up with me. Since then my mood is constantly changing. Sometimes it gets better, sometimes it's just "ehh....pfff...right whatever".
But on Saturday(it was her birthday) when I wanted to post a little message on her wall on facebook I noticed that she changed her relationship status. I insantly deleted her from everywhere (even deleted the message) because I just didn't wanted to look at her anymore. Since then I'm again at the lowpoint and just don't know how to come out of it.

And FFS...a hockey playing, rap listening jock? The guy looks like a dickhead. I thought she had more brains then that 

I have no idea how long this will last, but I would be really gratefull if it would end


----------



## Mr Violence

Kidneythief said:


> It seems it won't get better no matter how hard I try...
> It's been almost 4 months since my girl broke up with me. Since then my mood is constantly changing. Sometimes it gets better, sometimes it's just "ehh....pfff...right whatever".
> But on Saturday(it was her birthday) when I wanted to post a little message on her wall on facebook I noticed that she changed her relationship status. I insantly deleted her from everywhere (even deleted the message) because I just didn't wanted to look at her anymore. Since then I'm again at the lowpoint and just don't know how to come out of it.
> 
> And FFS...a hockey playing, rap listening jock? The guy looks like a dickhead. I thought she had more brains then that
> 
> I have no idea how long this will last, but I would be really gratefull if it would end



I can relate SO HARD to this. First dude my ex of 4 years boned was a TOTAL TOOLSHED. She's dating someone decent now, but most girls are just susceptible to smooth talk and bullshit. That's just the way it is. I'm certain that they always make these mistakes.

Take solace in the fact that you are much more stable in who you are, and fuck the rest. It hurts to hear someone moved on. It hurts more than anything. But it's your first step bro.

It gets better and you'll find someone who is way better for you.


----------



## -42-




----------



## BrainArt

Faine said:


> Anyone grow feelings for their best friends ex? Kinda cant do anything about it because I have respect for my best friend... but This girl kinda had a thing for me since her freshman year of highschool and she told me she liked me but I wasnt interested at the time. shes 21 now, i'm 22 and weve been hangin out a lot. Were both single and the other day we were watching a movie on her couch and she kinda cuddled with me cuz it was 6 am and we were tired as shit. But I was thinkin to myself "ehhh this feels funny cuz youre my best friends ex and I dont want to grow feelings for you" . Idk what to do.



This is just me, but I would never date my best friend's ex, or anyone he has interest in, even if he were to give me permission to do so, I still wouldn't. I see it as a breaking of an unwritten rule of nature and a friend's trust. Just my  



Murmel said:


> Gah, me and one of my lady-friends have totally grown apart (don't know if this is the correct English term though..) the last 3 weeks. We've not spoken nearly as much as we used to.
> I think I'm gonna see if she's free this weekend, would be awesome if we could hang out one night.



Yes, that is the correct English term.  

And don't feel too bad, Murmel, I haven't talked to one of my female friends in 5 months, though that was out of my own choice and not caring. If she wants to talk to me, she can start the conversation, I'm not going to be the one who feels obligated to start one each and every time, and like I said; I've just taken to not caring.


----------



## Gamma362

One of mine and my ex's friends sat me down yesterday and talked shit out with me. I'm finally doing what i have to to move on, I really want to apologize to her, but I'm going to wait, I had told her that I would leave her alone for the time being, but be friendly when I see her at school or gatherings with our friends. Later in the semester I will try to apologize, but that is still a little ways away. She had a really positive impact on me, and I would rather have her as a friend than not in my life at all. I do end up feeling anxious when I'm around her at school, or even when I'm at home and she pops into my head or see her online, but as long as I'm hanging around with friends I tend to be feeling pretty good. I know that the anxious feeling will go away Its just going to take time. At this point I just have to make sure I find ways to distract myself and just stay positive.


----------



## metal_sam14

When the closest thing you have had to female companionship in 4 months is a lesbian trying you out as an experiment, shit gets a bit lonely


----------



## Faine

Mr Violence said:


> I've been in this situation many times. It depends on where things stand with your best friend. Be straight with him about it. Ease into the conversation.
> 
> How long ago did they break?




I wanna say 5-6 months ago? They broke up because he got into heavy drug use. And I'm the only person who really stuck through it with him and tried to get him to quit. All our other friends ditched him because we've been anti drug growing up and though he was a hypocrite and whatever... But idk She was my good friend before they even met ... they dated for a year almost and I hang out with her at least 3 times a week and we have a great time.


----------



## Mr Violence

Faine said:


> I wanna say 5-6 months ago? They broke up because he got into heavy drug use. And I'm the only person who really stuck through it with him and tried to get him to quit. All our other friends ditched him because we've been anti drug growing up and though he was a hypocrite and whatever... But idk She was my good friend before they even met ... they dated for a year almost and I hang out with her at least 3 times a week and we have a great time.



If you're already hanging out with her, you're already in the thick of it. That's touchy, especially if your friend still means a lot to you. Only situations I've been in are when the "friend" actually turns out to be a complete shithead.

If he will get upset over it, you have to choose the friend or the girl. You could just talk to him and see what he thinks about it. Tell him you're just friends but you've taken an interest in her.

I usually don't touch a friend's ex unless that person isn't my friend anymore.

Weigh out what's important to you. If he's still your bro, and you're the only friend he has left, that would probably really suck for him.


----------



## leandroab

metal_sam14 said:


> When the closest thing you have had to female companionship in 4 months is a lesbian trying you out as an experiment, shit gets a bit lonely




Experiment with her and her friend 



Well, that sucks though.. What was all that shit actually? I'm curious now...


----------



## JamesM

metal_sam14 said:


> When the closest thing you have had to female companionship in 4 months is a lesbian trying you out as an experiment, shit gets a bit lonely



I still fail to see a problem here.


----------



## Murmel

BrainArt said:


> Yes, that is the correct English term.


I know what it means, it's just that I don't know if it really described the situation right  Because when I hear grown apart I think that we like became 2 different people with different interests and that it just wasn't that interesting to see eachother anymore. Which is not the case, we just haven't spoken for some reason. The last 2 days we've been getting back together though. 
Oh the lanaguage differences 



metal_sam14 said:


> When the closest thing you have had to female companionship in 4 months is a lesbian trying you out as an experiment, shit gets a bit lonely


It could be worse. It could be like me, when you've never had any close female companionship at all.


----------



## metal_sam14

leandroab said:


> Experiment with her and her friend
> 
> 
> 
> Well, that sucks though.. What was all that shit actually? I'm curious now...





I met a girl while I was out one night, we hit it off blah blah

she came over to my house, things got heated (no sex but pretty much everything else) then afterwards she explains that she has a girl on the go and was just trying a guy out to see what it was like, and that I will never see her again.


----------



## GATA4

metal_sam14 said:


> I met a girl while I was out one night, we hit it off blah blah
> 
> she came over to my house, things got heated (no sex but pretty much everything else) then afterwards she explains that she has a girl on the go and was just trying a guy out to see what it was like, and that I will never see her again.



hxc


----------



## BucketheadRules

metal_sam14 said:


> I met a girl while I was out one night, we hit it off blah blah
> 
> she came over to my house, things got heated (no sex but pretty much everything else) then afterwards she explains that she has a girl on the go and was just trying a guy out to see what it was like, and that I will never see her again.



Wow, that was thoughtful of her.

Jheez.


----------



## Faine

Man do I feel retarded... So I just got the scoop on my ex by one of her exfriends... Turns out she lost her virginity at 14, has been cheating on me since last april! not just 4 months like I thought, but a whole whopping 9 months... and not with one dude, but with 3 other guys! oh and get this! apparently I hit her and forced her to have sex with me! COOL, damn I dont remember doing that!  oh but I do remember begging for her not to leave me because I love her and Always have and always will! but nope never works she left me because " it wasnt working out" cool story bro. she lied to me about everything. when a girl looks up at you in the eye and tells you she loves you and youre the only one for her, you believe her...


----------



## metal_sam14

Faine said:


> Man do I feel retarded... So I just got the scoop on my ex by one of her exfriends... Turns out she lost her virginity at 14, has been cheating on me since last april! not just 4 months like I thought, but a whole whopping 9 months... and not with one dude, but with 3 other guys! oh and get this! apparently I hit her and forced her to have sex with me! COOL, damn I dont remember doing that!  oh but I do remember begging for her not to leave me because I love her and Always have and always will! but nope never works she left me because " it wasnt working out" cool story bro. she lied to me about everything. when a girl looks up at you in the eye and tells you she loves you and youre the only one for her, you believe her...



Thats fucked mate!, but unfortunately girls are capable of shit like that. 

Don't let it get to you, you will keep going with your life and she will end up pregnant and diseased by 25 and will look like shit, and you can sit there and laugh because you know how truly pathetic it is


----------



## Meatbucket

Alright Sevenstring, I got some more...difficulties...to say the least.
So one of my good buddies, not best friend, but still a good buddy for years past recently broke up with his girlfriend, and I thought they were a perfect match so did the rest of our little group but in all honesty the way he broke up with her and all the events after the break up was just him being a complete douche. Now, I don't tend to judge people on looks but this girl is incredibly pretty and ever since their break up, I've been talking a lot with her to try and keep her in our little "clique" we have, trying to make sure that she knows she has friends in us too. Here's the problem...I'm developing feelings for her. She's incredibly cool, down to earth, loves music, blah blah blah, but she's a good buddy's ex, I don't want to be that guy but my feelings are saying not to let this go, maybe that might be because I'm still hurting since my last break up and am feeling emotionally clingy to something since my grandpa's passing in February, I dunno. Her and my good buddy still talk every now and they and she's conveyed to me that me even talking to her is getting my buddy jealous. I really don't wanna be that guy, I just want everyone to come out happy and acceptable in the end, maybe I should just let it slide with my feelings and keep it friendly. Here's another problem: one of my best friends is roommates with said good buddy and we're both still trying to be friends with the girl. We're all having a little kick back on St. Patty's Day, but said good buddy won't be there. Just me, said girl, best friend and his girl. Halp. What do?


----------



## Faine

Meatbucket said:


> Alright Sevenstring, I got some more...difficulties...to say the least.
> So one of my good buddies, not best friend, but still a good buddy for years past recently broke up with his girlfriend, and I thought they were a perfect match so did the rest of our little group but in all honesty the way he broke up with her and all the events after the break up was just him being a complete douche. Now, I don't tend to judge people on looks but this girl is incredibly pretty and ever since their break up, I've been talking a lot with her to try and keep her in our little "clique" we have, trying to make sure that she knows she has friends in us too. Here's the problem...I'm developing feelings for her. She's incredibly cool, down to earth, loves music, blah blah blah, but she's a good buddy's ex, I don't want to be that guy but my feelings are saying not to let this go, maybe that might be because I'm still hurting since my last break up and am feeling emotionally clingy to something since my grandpa's passing in February, I dunno. Her and my good buddy still talk every now and they and she's conveyed to me that me even talking to her is getting my buddy jealous. I really don't wanna be that guy, I just want everyone to come out happy and acceptable in the end, maybe I should just let it slide with my feelings and keep it friendly. Here's another problem: one of my best friends is roommates with said good buddy and we're both still trying to be friends with the girl. We're all having a little kick back on St. Patty's Day, but said good buddy won't be there. Just me, said girl, best friend and his girl. Halp. What do?



If you read a few posts above, i'm in the same boat man... A part of me says, lifes to short go for it... the other half says no you cant do that to your friend... honestly I think we shouldnt. theres plenty of fish in the sea we can develop feelings for.


----------



## Varcolac

metal_sam14 said:


> Thats fucked mate!, but unfortunately girls are capable of shit like that.



Guys are also capable of being giant retarded douchenozzle wanktoaster scumbags who serially cheat, lie about their feelings and misrepresent events. Don't feel like you're any better for having a penis.

It's a small minority of the human race (of both sexes) who're so emotionally maladjusted that they think they can get away with shit like that, don't tar an entire half of the planet with the same brush.

Feminist rant over.

@Meatbucket: she ain't his property. She's capable of making decisions for herself. If the relationship ended because he was a douche he's got no reason to feel jealous when he let her get away. Go for it.


----------



## metal_sam14

Varcolac said:


> Guys are also capable of being giant retarded douchenozzle wanktoaster scumbags who serially cheat, lie about their feelings and misrepresent events. Don't feel like you're any better for having a penis.
> 
> It's a small minority of the human race (of both sexes) who're so emotionally maladjusted that they think they can get away with shit like that, don't tar an entire half of the planet with the same brush.
> 
> Feminist rant over.
> 
> .



Simmer down mate, I am well aware that guys can be complete fucktards too, I didn't put it in the post because clearly he is talking about a female.

EDIT: and it should be made clear that I have been cheated on and fucked over and had some very dark times because of it so I might be a bit biased.


----------



## leandroab

metal_sam14 said:


> I met a girl while I was out one night, we hit it off blah blah
> 
> she came over to my house, things got heated (no sex but pretty much everything else) then afterwards she explains that she has a girl on the go and was just trying a guy out to see what it was like, and that I will never see her again.



Wow. Whattabitch


----------



## -42-

Acquire acoustic guitar.

Get women.


----------



## Scar Symmetry

Meatbucket said:


> Alright Sevenstring, I got some more...difficulties...to say the least.
> So one of my good buddies, not best friend, but still a good buddy for years past recently broke up with his girlfriend, and I thought they were a perfect match so did the rest of our little group but in all honesty the way he broke up with her and all the events after the break up was just him being a complete douche. Now, I don't tend to judge people on looks but this girl is incredibly pretty and ever since their break up, I've been talking a lot with her to try and keep her in our little "clique" we have, trying to make sure that she knows she has friends in us too. Here's the problem...I'm developing feelings for her. She's incredibly cool, down to earth, loves music, blah blah blah, but she's a good buddy's ex, I don't want to be that guy but my feelings are saying not to let this go, maybe that might be because I'm still hurting since my last break up and am feeling emotionally clingy to something since my grandpa's passing in February, I dunno. Her and my good buddy still talk every now and they and she's conveyed to me that me even talking to her is getting my buddy jealous. I really don't wanna be that guy, I just want everyone to come out happy and acceptable in the end, maybe I should just let it slide with my feelings and keep it friendly. Here's another problem: one of my best friends is roommates with said good buddy and we're both still trying to be friends with the girl. We're all having a little kick back on St. Patty's Day, but said good buddy won't be there. Just me, said girl, best friend and his girl. Halp. What do?



Don't look too much into the way she acts towars you, you tend to see what you want to see.

Having said that, don't look too much into it being a problem with your friend. If he's a true friend he'll still be around after, or will come around to it after a while.

The rest is up to you my friend


----------



## WickedSymphony

-42- said:


> Acquire acoustic guitar.
> 
> Get women.



You forgot the part where you have to unlearn everything past the first 4 basic chords and crappy singing.


----------



## misingonestring

Pretty much all the attractive women in my life are either taken or lesbians.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Fucking hell, I really need to start actually talking to people.


----------



## JamesM

misingonestring said:


> Pretty much all the attractive women in my life are either taken or lesbians.



Bro, I've slept with more than one lesbian in my day. Just gotta play it right.



EDIT:
Actually, I've never been so in love as with a girl who was a "lesbian" for ages but we dated for a while.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Yo like, this chick who was all up into me, and I was all up into her, I sat with her at lunch today, she made 0 eye contact, and said 0 words. I heard she's shy as hell, but thats horseshit. Shes never even kissed a dude and shes 17, so maybe she is shy.

Thoughts?


----------



## JamesM

Keep talking to her. Shy girls are my specialty because they're my favorite. They take time, smiles while walking past them, "How ya doin?"s until she warms up. Then talk about music, that type usually really digs Owl City, Mumford & Sons and/or Chase Coy. 

Might sound weird, but don't break eye contact when she makes it. Force her out of her shell, with discretion of course. Too pushy and you've made it into creepy territory.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

The Armada said:


> Keep talking to her. Shy girls are my specialty because they're my favorite. They take time, smiles while walking past them, "How ya doin?"s until she warms up. Then talk about music, that type usually really digs Owl City, Mumford & Sons and/or Chase Coy.
> 
> Might sound weird, but don't break eye contact when she makes it. Force her out of her shell, with discretion of course. Too pushy and you've made it into creepy territory.



how can I Talk to you more? You guessed her music taste dead on.


----------



## leandroab

misingonestring said:


> Pretty much all the attractive women in my life are either taken or lesbians.



That was my junior year of highschool in MA...


----------



## Ibanezsam4

PyramidSmasher said:


> Yo like, this chick who was all up into me, and I was all up into her, I sat with her at lunch today, she made 0 eye contact, and said 0 words. I heard she's shy as hell, but thats horseshit. Shes never even kissed a dude and shes 17, so maybe she is shy.
> 
> Thoughts?



dude, listen to Armada, he is right on the money. once you can get her to make and hold eye contact (even if she can only look for a second or two before she looks away) maybe some incidental contact, something that she will think about "did he mean to touch me? or was that on accident?". 

^ this also works well with girls who aren't as shy. there was this one girl i dated once and i was head over heals for her, but she liked me a little but nothing that she would ever act on (i didn't respond to her small initial advance she made, so she thought i wasn't interested cuz i was oblivious to it). i kept my subtle flirting game up until one day i was moving a cart full of food (i work at a grocery store) and she started backing as i was moving behind her, i put one hand on her back to keep her from tripping on me, but i placed my hand lower down (tops of my finger tips were level with her bra clip). desired effect was achieved, she flushed red a little and after that day she looked at me differently.. but dont attempt unless you're sure you have a small foothold


----------



## MFB

leandroab said:


> That was my junior year of highschool in MA...



At least you've only got one year of it, living here your whole life is like that :|


----------



## soliloquy

i'm in a dry spell...
my girl has been working 120 hours a week with 4 jobs. so the only time she gets off she is either relaxing or spending time with family. 

coincidentally, thats usually the same time i'm working or doing a school related project.

so over a month or maybe two and i've had nothing...

not that i should complain as two months is not a year or more...but still


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

soliloquy said:


> i'm in a dry spell...
> my girl has been working 120 hours a week with 4 jobs. so the only time she gets off she is either relaxing or spending time with family.
> 
> coincidentally, thats usually the same time i'm working or doing a school related project.
> 
> so over a month or maybe two and i've had nothing...
> 
> not that i should complain as two months is not a year or more...but still


 
I've been single since 2004.


A winnar is me.


----------



## Kidneythief

Well I may have successfully fucked up all my last chances to try anything ever again with my ex 

Starting out with a sort of drunk rant on my facebook which she somehow read and got a message from her. She basicly started to rant about how much of an asshole I am for talking shit about her and her new boyfriend into the public.

I tried to apologize the best I could, and wrote her how much this whole thing is hard for me, and that I just feel more miserable knowing that someone is with her etc.etc.

She instantly replied with calling me an asshole again, and then threatening me, that it's not going to be "boys" who will search and find me, but it will be her and that will hurt me more.

Next response from me: asking where is that cute girl that I used to know, and stating that this is why the "We can still be friends" stuff never work out. Especially if one of the two (that would be me off-course) wants to be more then just friends.

So gentlemen the moral of the story&#8230;in facebook privacy settings edit them in such way, that your ex who you still love to death can&#8217;t see your wall.


----------



## Daggorath

I've managed to find myself a wonderful new ladyfriend to save me from the self-deprication and bitterness that my last relationship resulted in.

I know what it's like to be messed up, and feel that you'll never recover to the same person you used to be. But as soon as you find someone to share with and connect with in the way you imagined only possible with that bint of an ex, then you'll be back to normal.

Plenty more fish in the sea, an' all that.


----------



## Kidneythief

Actually that last message where she "threatened" me somehow gave me a slap-in-the-face to wake up.
I never knew this side of her. It's so not her. Not what I used to know. I think I'm starting to doubt myself if it would be even good to try to get back to her again.


----------



## avenger

Man dont even bother with an ex. Its so cliche but you can and will do better. You can read back into my psots here about my ex what a dumb fuck I was for trying to get back with the skanky hoe!

Go out, get drunk with some of your friends meet new girls and lead a happy bs free life. Work out, be happy, play guitar... drown in hot women.


----------



## Daggorath

It's very difficult to see some-ones true character whilst you're in love with them. You kind of convince yourself that they are all that's good in the world. I know, I've overlooked some horrific flaws of a person; only now I'm over her can I begin to make sense of it.


----------



## avenger

Daggorath said:


> It's very difficult to see some-ones true character whilst you're in love with them. You kind of convince yourself that they are all that's good in the world. I know, I've overlooked some horrific flaws of a person; only now I'm over her can I begin to make sense of it.


 He speaks the truth!


----------



## leandroab

MFB said:


> At least you've only got one year of it, living here your whole life is like that :|



Go to Northampton in west mass.. It's lesboville!


----------



## Kidneythief

Daggorath said:


> It's very difficult to see some-ones true character whilst you're in love with them. You kind of convince yourself that they are all that's good in the world. I know, I've overlooked some horrific flaws of a person; only now I'm over her can I begin to make sense of it.




Yes...I'm starting to look the whole thing the same way. Slowly but Im getting there I hope.
She is 21 and I just turned 26. No matter how I hoped it would end it turns out she is still just a "kid" when it comes to relationships (I was her firstheh). She was not a slut thoughthank god. Although then I would have a really good reason to hate her.

The thing that is really hurting my brain-cells now, is that it has been 4 months, and Im still getting back into these holes-of-misery.

Ah wellcheers mates, and thanks.

(funny fact: I started to go to self-defense classes [ju-jitsu, and judo] about 5 months agowould have loved to battle it out with her hockey jock just for the fun of itand make him bleed)


----------



## avenger

Kidneythief said:


> Yes...I'm starting to look the whole thing the same way. Slowly but Im getting there I hope.
> She is 21 and I just turned 26. No matter how I hoped it would end it turns out she is still just a "kid" when it comes to relationships (I was her firstheh). She was not a slut thoughthank god. Although then I would have a really good reason to hate her.
> 
> The thing that is really hurting my brain-cells now, is that it has been 4 months, and Im still getting back into these holes-of-misery.
> 
> Ah wellcheers mates, and thanks.
> 
> (funny fact: I started to go to self-defense classes [ju-jitsu, and judo] about 5 months agowould have loved to battle it out with her hockey jock just for the fun of itand make him bleed)


It sounds like you are getting on with your life. Keep at it, those moments of "I miss her/what we had" will become few and far between.

Such is life.


----------



## UnderTheSign

To the guy and his shy girl... My last ex was a quiet, more shy type. Best girl I've ever had. They have more personality than any girl in the world when you finally get her to warm up and open her mouth. (and that's not in a perverted way!)


----------



## powerofze

About to run some serious game on some "friend of a friend" that added me on facebook. 

Time to bust some balls.


----------



## Scar Symmetry

Me and my girl are the best we've ever been.

If anyone wants any advice, PM me


----------



## PyramidSmasher

UnderTheSign said:


> They have more personality than any girl in the world when you finally get her to warm up and open her mouth.


----------



## Randy

leandroab said:


> Go to Northampton in west mass.. It's lesboville!



I totally just had a friend of mine message me tonight. "Hey, if you want to go to New England Metal and Hardcore, my girlfriend's got a place we can stay in Northampton"


----------



## Murmel

A girl I've been into for months has become more approaching in a physical way the last couple of days. I have good hopes for where this is going


----------



## leandroab

Randy said:


> I totally just had a friend of mine message me tonight. "Hey, if you want to go to New England Metal and Hardcore, my girlfriend's got a place we can stay in Northampton"


----------



## MFB

Randy, you should go to Easthampton instead and meet Jeph Jacques so I can live vicariously through you

_Do it..._


----------



## leandroab

^
Go to Springfield and score some drugs before that...


----------



## PyramidSmasher

important first date tomorrow

pray to the metal gods for me


----------



## UnderTheSign

I just had my date. Nothing happened, meh. Apparently she's never been with anyone before so it'll take time


----------



## PyramidSmasher

UnderTheSign said:


> I just had my date. Nothing happened, meh. Apparently she's never been with anyone before so it'll take time



Im about to be on a date tonight with a girl whos 17 and has never even kissed a boy. Should I not expect to be #1 tonight? It's in a fucking group setting 

Edit: Tags, "ss emo thread" LOLOLOLOL


----------



## Ibanezsam4

PyramidSmasher said:


> Im about to be on a date tonight with a girl whos 17 and has never even kissed a boy. Should I not expect to be #1 tonight? It's in a fucking group setting
> 
> Edit: Tags, "ss emo thread" LOLOLOLOL



in a group setting? yeah dont expect much.. however dont use that as an excuse to be lazy romantically. still be a gentleman, still look at her (making eye contact in a group situation lets her know that despite the other people in the room, you still prefer to look at her). and if you're driving her home, you might get lucky ;-)


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Ibanezsam4 said:


> in a group setting? yeah dont expect much.. however dont use that as an excuse to be lazy romantically. still be a gentleman, still look at her (making eye contact in a group situation lets her know that despite the other people in the room, you still prefer to look at her). and if you're driving her home, you might get lucky ;-)



She told her friend she does not like me, and wont like me as more than a friend.

Im hurting hard, you people shred for me, Im gonna be out of the shred zone for a while.

Me - 
You Guys -


----------



## UnderTheSign

Ahw, bummer mang!

Being a girls first ain't easy, but hey, in the end it's usually worth it.


----------



## powerofze

I have officially ran out of girls to obsess over. Good since exams are coming up.


----------



## Tones

UnderTheSign said:


> Ahw, bummer mang!
> 
> Being a girls first ain't easy, but hey, in the end it's usually worth it.


 

yeaahhhh it better be. 2 and a half years and counting


----------



## UnderTheSign

^Well, so far so good then, aye?


----------



## PyramidSmasher

UnderTheSign said:


> Ahw, bummer mang!
> 
> Being a girls first ain't easy, but hey, in the end it's usually worth it.



so dont give up yet?


----------



## Murmel

PyramidSmasher said:


> so dont give up yet?



I don't see why you should give up just because she's never been in a relationship before. I say if you like her enough then keep going 

Why am I telling you this? I'm such a hypocrit because I'm just awful with girls


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Murmel said:


> I don't see why you should give up just because she's never been in a relationship before. I say if you like her enough then keep going
> 
> Why am I telling you this? I'm such a hypocrit because I'm just awful with girls



Yeah but we all know, if the initial spark aint there, it aint gonna happen.


----------



## -42-

Bullshit. The whole 'initial spark' is just bullshit. Real life isn't Norah Roberts, there doesn't need to be a sense that this is 'the one' from either party. Just don't be awkward, have fun with it. It's easy to turn into a giant, quivering, emasculated gelatinous mass (been there, done that) when you start to develop affection for another person. Just have fun with it, and remind yourself that if it doesn't work out, you aren't any worse off than you started. All you have to lose is your ignorance.


----------



## Murmel

^
I pictured your avatar saying what you wrote. Made it x10 more awesome than it already was


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

Still with the guy from the previous posts..life is still good, even better..all is well.


I did catch him lying about porn though..then again what man doesn't? I actually fell even more in love with him at that moment. It's the little things..no matter how weird


----------



## SirMyghin

PyramidSmasher said:


> Yeah but we all know, if the initial spark aint there, it aint gonna happen.



Initial spark is nothing but shy horny teenagers, it has no basis on a relationship. A relationship is work, and there is nothing more to it. There are no short cuts, there are no true loves, there are no perfect matches. It is a bargaining game, what can you bring to the table, and what is being brought in return.


----------



## leandroab

I failed again


----------



## -42-

leandroab said:


> I failed again



This is all I can think of whenever I look at this thread.


----------



## soliloquy

PyramidSmasher said:


> Yeah but we all know, if the initial spark aint there, it aint gonna happen.



sparks are really silly actually. i mean, once you get past the immature definition of 'what a date is' and all other bs, then you will find different things work for different people.

some women would LOVE a guy to chase after them regardless of what the woman thought of the guy initially. 

others may find that repulsive and clingy.

some like guys that are sophisticated

others would find that as dorky, nerdy, and boring...


if she is immature, then leave it be. if you're immature, then leave it be...


----------



## MFB

This post is what I like to call "DAMN UNIVERSE, YOU SCARY!"

Explanation!

Tomorrow (the 31st) is my deadline for petitioning to graduate, which means I had to go to my advising center and say "Hey, this is my shit, is it good enough for my to graduate?" This was my original plan after my second/then-turned-into-only class of the day since I slept in and missed Adv. Photography. We got an assignment in this class for the upcoming week, and instead of e-mailing the teacher about my project, I asked her immediately after class. 

Following this, me and my buddy Dan went down to where we would normally chill and shoot the shit since his next class isn't for an hour and I'm done for the day by this point; instead, some emo looking girl is sitting in our area and he knows I have shit to do for graduation, so we go over to the other building and try and get my shit done. Can't find my teacher/advisor since he's up in his office vs. the dark room like I assumed, but I DO delay by hanging in the darkroom and talking with some class-mates. After this, I finally do go upstairs to my professor's office and there's not much he can do since he's busy with other stuff and an all around burnout. "TO THE ONE STOP I SAY!"

*HERE'S WHERE THINGS GET INTERESTING!*

Dan peaces out to do some work for his next class, and I head over to what's known as our "One Stop Center" and this is where the campus bookstore, registration office, small computer etc... is located. I enter the One Stop and see two OTHER friends of mine, and have time to kill since I'm out of class and don't work till 4:30. I spend probably about 10-15 minutes, MAYBE 20, talking with them, when my goal is literally 15ft away from me; just ACHING to be printed out I'm sure. But alas!

Finally, I say my goodbyes to my friends and use the computer to print out an audit form for my graduation. Welp, the printer's at my college suck donkey testicles, and it didn't print out the first time. So what do I do? Say "Oh I'm sure it's backed up" and kill some time on here  I know, I know. And then who the fuck walks into the computer lab? The old biddy I used to talk about in this thread.

Now I never posted it, but what ended up happening was we were both stressed for various reasons, and one day I had enough of her "tone" since we were arguing on FB; then proceeded to delete her from my friends and from my phone (I still remembered her number to this day). Looking back on it, I owed her much more than that, and it was a shitty thing to do.

BACK TO THE PRESENT! She walks in, and sits RIGHT NEXT TO ME, in typical Murphy's Law manner; and I'm about to look like an asshole since two kids came in and fixed the printer so I could finally get my form and leave. "NOT SO FAST!" said the universe, and when I printed my form and waited for it at the printer, then faked looking it over pretty much saying "FUCKING SAY SOMETHING TO ME FOR GOD'S SAKE!" she finally did. All she asked for was a pen, which I was more than happy to give her. 

Then she asked how I was and I told her straight up I was terrified at that moment, because I had been meaning for SO long to actually apologize to her and could never bring myself to do it because I always fear the worst; if I typed out a big long message of word vomit, it'd get deleted, if I showed up at her house, I'd get a door slammed in my face telling me to piss off. Not what would have REALLY happened, but what I imagine would have.

So we talk some more, and agree we both kind of fucked up and agreed to start over for a third time, then went out and grabbed a quick bite. I drove both ways and before she left for her class she gave me a hug, so I think thing's might be OK.

But still, if it hadn't been for all those little delays of things here and there, I may have never even run into her and been able to fix things.


----------



## Explorer

Never be afraid to admit that you think you're wrong. 

I have always gotten brownie points for saying, I'm unsure about this, what do you think? That means that you value the input, and it validates a woman that you are willing to admit that you can rely on their judgment. 

This goes for ethics, feelings, asking for directions, whatever.

So, you told her in a straightforward manner how you were feeling. Good going, friend. With women, it's often not about fixing, but about talking about one's interior life and sharing about it.


----------



## josh pelican

I love this thread.


----------



## leandroab

MFB said:


> -love story-



WHAT ABOUT YOUR FUCKING GRADUATE?


----------



## MFB

I hand in all my papers today and will have my Associates in Art by the end of May


----------



## Randy

*UPDATE~!*

I've been going out a lot, meeting people and networking. I met a bunch of really nice girls who were interested, did some "getting to know you better" kinda stuff with each and they all came up short. I'm looking for somebody with long-term potential, and each of the girls I met had some *REALLY* clear flaws that I wasn't even prepared to deal with (ie. one girl takes every opportunity she can to tell me what a bitch she can be, how she gets upset and cuts people down; she also told me three stories about BEATING UP her boyfriends. No. No thanks).

A few weeks ago, I started seeing this one girl I kinda recognized from when I was younger, knocking around town every couple days. Didn't know her name or what her story was but I thought she was cute. Come to find out, she's the sister of a guy I know... this guy's girlfriend being somebody who I was REALLY close with for a few years. Since I have the two of them on facebook, I see this girl pop up as a suggestion... I was tempted to add her but since we never really spoke, I figured it might be weird. The next day, I saw her at the local watering hole with her friend and kept catching her sneaking peeks my way... Drunk, I got home and said "fuck it" and added her; and she accepted! Woo.

Now, I'm still talking to several other girls at the same time just kinda seeing what's out there and what sticks. Lots of really smart girls, artsy girls... the full range. This girl and I don't have a lot of those same interests but for some reason there's weird chemistry there, you know? She's a lot more "relationship smart" than anybody else I've spoken to, very compassionate and attentive. Also, a lot of girls are really ADD and need you coming up with interesting shit to do; but from our conversations, she seems really content to roll with anything, which is something that's big with me. 

The anomaly in the whole thing is this: I don't usually pursue women. And that's not an arrogance kinda thing... for whatever reason, the only type of women who are interested in me are the type who "take that step". I've tried countless times to make the first move and have always been met with rejection, and always awkward. 

In her case, I totally took the initiative. She was very kind and accepting of my advances, but:







...so I had no idea. I noticed that I was always the one kicking off conversation and whatnot, and the last girl that happened with ended up running off eventually. So, it was a genuine concern.

The last few days I've been going through a lot (my dog fell sick, so I had to bring him to be put down ) and kinda abandoned a lot of socializing for that time. I still occasionally texted a few of my close friends, but I went silent for most people; including this girl... partially from the stress/depression and partially to see what would happen. I didn't hear from her for two or three days, so I figured she lost interest and I started trying to focus on the next thing. On cue, she messages me last night... almost nervously. We spoke for a little while and it eventually came out that she was worried I hadn't spoken to her for those few days because I lost interest in her and she was afraid she'd look whacko if she came around asking about me. Moreover, after I explained my absence, I propositioned "Well, whaddya say we get back to talking like we've been, then?" to which she replied "YES! I would love that " FINALLY! A sign that I'm not the only one interested here. **cue sigh of relief*

tl;dr -- Finally met a cool girl, didn't know if she was really interested and she came through exquisitely. 

Feels good, man.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

soliloquy said:


> sparks are really silly actually. i mean, once you get past the immature definition of 'what a date is' and all other bs, then you will find different things work for different people.
> 
> some women would LOVE a guy to chase after them regardless of what the woman thought of the guy initially.
> 
> others may find that repulsive and clingy.
> 
> some like guys that are sophisticated
> 
> others would find that as dorky, nerdy, and boring...
> 
> 
> if she is immature, then leave it be. if you're immature, then leave it be...



Well put. TBH I dont think I'd care as much if she wasn't so attractive, which is bad. But I haven't talked to her in a few days, Im in Tennessee, and Im not spending any of my vacation time on, or thinking about her.


----------



## leandroab

Randy said:


> *-love story 2-*



Can you please change your avatar? I can't read anything you write, all I see is:

"Wavy wavy wavy wavy wavy wavy wavy wavy wavy wavy....."



Anyways, congrats!


----------



## Winspear

1 year with my girlfriend tomorrow 

She's so fucking annoying arrrghhhhhh


----------



## PyramidSmasher

EtherealEntity said:


> 1 year with my girlfriend tomorrow
> 
> She's so fucking annoying arrrghhhhhh



I told my last girlfriend on our one year anniversary, that she wasnt allowed to celebrate any more "month-iversarys" after that. That was the comment that broke us up.

Best thing I ever said to her.


----------



## Wookieslayer

how do you guys approach girls in the library... say if you're in their reading / studying and a chick comes and sits at the same desk? :/


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Wookieslayer said:


> how do you guys approach girls in the library... say if you're in their reading / studying and a chick comes and sits at the same desk? :/



Talk about books dude!! JEsus!!! Ask about what she's reading!!


----------



## ivancic1al

My buddy and I are hitting the local club tonight, hopefully something good will come of it.


----------



## Wookieslayer

PyramidSmasher said:


> Talk about books dude!! JEsus!!! Ask about what she's reading!!



gah, she was reading things off her laptop. I helped her plug her phone into a working outlet because some of them were broken. But she just left and I basically blew it ; she waved when she left  theres always more opportunities...


----------



## leandroab

ivancic1al said:


> My buddy and I are hitting the local club tonight, hopefully something good will come of it.



REPORT BACK!




ahahha


----------



## PyramidSmasher

I stop caring about/talking to this girl who rejected me Sunday night (the illustrious one), and now she's blowing up my phone and trying to hang out alot.

The greatest victories in life are the ones you achieve by doing nothing at all.

Edit:


----------



## ivancic1al

leandroab said:


> REPORT BACK!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ahahha




If I'm sober enough when I get back I sure will, or tomorrow morning if things work out.  (humping smiley-face)


----------



## leandroab

ivancic1al said:


> If I'm sober enough when I get back I sure will, or tomorrow morning if things work out.  (humping smiley-face)



Drunk posts about frustrating love fails are the best.. Don't you dare not doing it...

Wait.. I'm drunk right now, so I don't know what I'm saying..


----------



## josh pelican

Wookieslayer said:


> how do you guys approach girls in the library... say if you're in their reading / studying and a chick comes and sits at the same desk? :/



Try to take a peek at the book(s) she's looking at. Is she in any of your classes? I only ask because you said studying, and I know you're not in the library to study birds or female anatomy.



EtherealEntity said:


> 1 year with my girlfriend tomorrow
> 
> She's so fucking annoying arrrghhhhhh



Leave her.


----------



## ivancic1al

well I had good luck with a girl tonight, unfortunately she came back to my place and started to puke. Looks like no love for me tonight. 


God dammnit


----------



## JamesM

Victorious evening.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Turn her over in the morning and enjoy anyway?


----------



## Murmel

Funny how I always get drawn to the girls that are the complete opposite of me. I'm fairly serious in nature and a bit drawn back in groups, I open up big in on to one conversations though.
Every girl I've been drawn to so far has been the complete opposite on most parts. Which means they all appear very happy, jumpy and such.

I could explain this shit so much better in Swedish, I think I'm just gonna leave it be


----------



## ivancic1al

No worries though, she felt bad and gave me a pussy 'raincheck'


----------



## numberonejrio

I find it kinda odd that my girlfriend broke up with me on April Fools day, but ah well. She gave me the whole "I don't want to be in a relationship right now, but I want to be friends" talk. Feels bad bro, but whatever. Plenty of other fish in the sea, considering im a freshman haha.


----------



## MFB

Have you considered that it might be a prank? I'm sure you have, and it IS fairly obvious, but if it's her idea of a good prank and she's dedicated to it then maybe just wait a day or so before doing anything irrational.


----------



## numberonejrio

MFB said:


> Have you considered that it might be a prank? I'm sure you have, and it IS fairly obvious, but if it's her idea of a good prank and she's dedicated to it then maybe just wait a day or so before doing anything irrational.



I don't think it's a prank to be honest. She's been kind of ignoring me lately the past couple of weeks and I kinda thought it was coming, just not exactly when. Also thats the last time I'm gonna be seeing her for almost 2 weeks since she's going on a cruise.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Girl who didnt wanna hook up on sunday (Woulda been her first ever) began texting/IMing me alot out of blue. Many plans to hang again.


Maybe she had second thoughts?


----------



## Jay Jay

PyramidSmasher said:


> Girl who didnt wanna hook up on sunday (Woulda been her first ever) began texting/IMing me alot out of blue. Many plans to hang again.
> 
> 
> Maybe she had second thoughts?



She wondered why you weren't contacting her, so now she wants your attention again. Not to say she's not legitimately interested in you, but that's how people are sometimes.


----------



## -42-

Just how far do you intend to take it with this girl? If by "hook up" (in the above post) you meant sex, or even just first base, it's no wonder she wasn't interested. Lots of girls need signs of emotional commitment before they start taking steps. Ease her into the proverbial hot tub, apply gentle pressure until she is comfortable calling you her boyfriend and work from there (this does not mean that you bug her about it). For every girl willing to give it up fast and easy, there are numerous girls who need quite a bit more of your time and your emotional energy before something develops, I find the latter to be more attractive and much more stable.


----------



## soliloquy

Murmel said:


> Funny how I always get drawn to the girls that are the complete opposite of me. I'm fairly serious in nature and a bit drawn back in groups, I open up big in on to one conversations though.
> Every girl I've been drawn to so far has been the complete opposite on most parts. Which means they all appear very happy, jumpy and such.
> 
> I could explain this shit so much better in Swedish, I think I'm just gonna leave it be





i'm much the same as you. however, i tend to be drawn to two different girls for two completely different reasons.

girl 1) she is loud, a bit obnoxious, really easy to entertain by throwing shiny objects all over the place. very easy to get along with. very happy in every situation put under. kinda like a real like cartoon character. they usually make he laugh regardless of what the situation is. and they dont take anything too seriously 

and then girl 2) a bit of a dork. shy. reserved. keeps to her self. mysterious. fairly quiet. bonus points if she wears glasses! and even bigger bonus points if she plays video games!!!!


me on the other hand, i am fairly quiet, and do HORRIBLE in group settings. i dont open up too easy with the exception of 2 or 3 close friends. and i prefer one-on-one settings with friends than big groups etc etc...


----------



## redskyharbor

I hate the feeling of not knowing what to do/where you stand. But one thing I've always remembered is sometimes the best thing to do, is nothing at all, but then at the same time you have to not seem completely disinterested. I'm sure a lot of other dudes probably do the same thing. Personally I tend to go for the weird girls, and they're few and far between 'round these parts. Airheads just don't do it for me.


----------



## Murmel

soliloquy said:


> i'm much the same as you. however, i tend to be drawn to two different girls for two completely different reasons.
> 
> girl 1) she is loud, a bit obnoxious, really easy to entertain by throwing shiny objects all over the place. very easy to get along with. very happy in every situation put under. kinda like a real like cartoon character. they usually make he laugh regardless of what the situation is. and they dont take anything too seriously
> 
> and then girl 2) a bit of a dork. shy. reserved. keeps to her self. mysterious. fairly quiet. bonus points if she wears glasses! and even bigger bonus points if she plays video games!!!!
> 
> 
> me on the other hand, i am fairly quiet, and do HORRIBLE in group settings. i dont open up too easy with the exception of 2 or 3 close friends. and i prefer one-on-one settings with friends than big groups etc etc...


We're totally alike dude 

No.1 would describe this one I'm into right now. Except she's not overly loud and obnoxious, all the dudes totally dig her because of this, she acts much more childish and less girly than the other girls.
I see a different side of her when we're alone though, then she becomes more like me. I guess you adapt to who you talk to, I know I do. But I absolutely love that she's got both a fun and a serious side.

Edit: FYI, she just dissed me on msn 
Oh well, not the end of the world


----------



## PyramidSmasher

-42- said:


> Just how far do you intend to take it with this girl? If by "hook up" (in the above post) you meant sex, or even just first base, it's no wonder she wasn't interested. Lots of girls need signs of emotional commitment before they start taking steps. Ease her into the proverbial hot tub, apply gentle pressure until she is comfortable calling you her boyfriend and work from there (this does not mean that you bug her about it). For every girl willing to give it up fast and easy, there are numerous girls who need quite a bit more of your time and your emotional energy before something develops, I find the latter to be more attractive and much more stable.



Oh okay, I do legitimately like her, I just thought I should hook up with her before creating an emotional tie, since somehow I thought that would work better. Okay, thanks brother.


----------



## -42-

Generally those two things occur in reverse order.

Unless you're into banging as many whores as humanely possible, which is ok too.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

-42- said:


> Generally those two things occur in reverse order.
> 
> Unless you're into banging as many whores as humanely possible, which is ok too.



I decided that I am only into her for her ass and generally good looks, which probably isnt cool, seeing as I dont care about her personality much.

I will no longer go for her


----------



## leandroab

So, I was talking to some freshmen girls last afternoon with a friend, like totally innocent, no second thoughts, no expectations.. Just getting to know the freshmen of my course... 

And they suddenly all get up and leave... I'm like: "What the fuck"... So I just turn to my friend and say "Well, they can all fuck themselves then..." and we proceeded to get drunk...



Fucking women are retarded..


----------



## Explorer

I'm noticing that there is a lot of general success on this thread with the Tao of Steve, although I'm not sure how well you all are following up on the second step:

Be desireless.
Be excellent.
Be gone.

I wrote a little bit about this on Randy's thread....


----------



## powerofze

met the girl I should have met 10 years later. fml


----------



## metal_sam14

My love life has officially dried up. nothing is happening. especially after being used by a drug addict, then used by a lesbian, then had a strange encounter with a 26YO that ended with her deleting me on facebook because she was an immature tard. confidence is at an all time low, so now I have officially given up. it might happen eventually.

/rant


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Yo, I wanna ask this girl I hang out with alot to prom, but I don't think she LIKES me.

1. Do it anyway?
2. Could that change on prom night?


----------



## Randy

It can't hurt to ask, dude.


----------



## metal_sam14

I'm with Randy on this one, go for it mate. what is the worst that can happen? she says no, that is the end of it and life goes on.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

metal_sam14 said:


> My love life has officially dried up. nothing is happening. especially after being used by a drug addict, then used by a lesbian, then had a strange encounter with a 26YO that ended with her deleting me on facebook because she was an immature tard. confidence is at an all time low, so now I have officially given up. it might happen eventually.
> 
> /rant


 
build a happy single life before you take on a relationship. if you take care of yourself and figure out what it is that you want to do with your time, and dedicate yourself to being fucking awesome, and proving to yourself that you dont need a chick to complete yourself, then youre set. 

honestly, i dont like the concept of a "love life", it implies that you rely on having something of a romantic nature going on at all times. if your "love life" is nonexistant, take that oportinity to get your "real life" on track. play the shit out of some guitar, if youre in school or have a job, get that shit crackin, i mean REALLY crackin. throw yourself into what's really important, and women will magically show up when you stop caring bout em.

sorry for the book report, but i broke it off with my girl of 6 years a few months ago, and when i started focusing on my career, i found myself chin-deep in poon. strangest thing ever. good luck man.


----------



## metal_sam14

glassmoon0fo said:


> build a happy single life before you take on a relationship. if you take care of yourself and figure out what it is that you want to do with your time, and dedicate yourself to being fucking awesome, and proving to yourself that you dont need a chick to complete yourself, then youre set.
> 
> honestly, i dont like the concept of a "love life", it implies that you rely on having something of a romantic nature going on at all times. if your "love life" is nonexistant, take that oportinity to get your "real life" on track. play the shit out of some guitar, if youre in school or have a job, get that shit crackin, i mean REALLY crackin. throw yourself into what's really important, and women will magically show up when you stop caring bout em.
> 
> sorry for the book report, but i broke it off with my girl of 6 years a few months ago, and when i started focusing on my career, i found myself chin-deep in poon. strangest thing ever. good luck man.



Good call mate 
EDIT: you are one of many who have said that not focusing on women is better. it doesnt make sense but hell if it works!


----------



## MFB

I think I'm gonna have to message the ol', er new, lady friend with a bunch of wordvomit since something she said to me the other day has been circling in my head and I can't seem to NOT focus on it


----------



## Gamma362

metal_sam14 said:


> confidence is at an all time low, so now I have officially given up. it might happen eventually.


I feel exactly the same way right now, I just want to drink till I can't feel feelings anymore.


----------



## metal_sam14

Gamma362 said:


> I feel exactly the same way right now, I just want to drink till I can't feel feelings anymore.



 I have a family guy stubby holder that says that


----------



## MFB

The fuck is a stubby holder?


----------



## -42-

PyramidSmasher said:


> Yo, I wanna ask this girl I hang out with alot to prom, but I don't think she LIKES me.
> 
> 1. Do it anyway?
> 2. Could that change on prom night?



Might as well start early. Most girls will take what they can get.


----------



## MFB

IRONIC TWIST OF FATE!

Coincidentally about 15 minutes after I posted my previous comment, not the stubby holder one, we started talking on FB and my leg was doing it's non-stop, twitchy/jittery thing and I was like "STOP THAT YOU! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!" and it wouldn't  Thinks might not be as easy as me thinks in my head.


----------



## josh pelican

My girlfriend and I are doing fucking awesome. She's buying me 22 fish for one of my tanks on Sunday. What's up, guys?


----------



## metal_sam14

MFB said:


> The fuck is a stubby holder?


----------



## MFB

We call them "coozies" over here, time to steal another phrase from foreigners I suppose


----------



## UnderTheSign

Folks used them in Australia all the time. Really though, if you need one, YOU'RE DRINKING TOO SLOW



metal_sam14 said:


> I'm with Randy on this one, go for it mate. what is the worst that can happen? she says no, that is the end of it and life goes on.


And going by that advice, I sent the girl I've been after since january (and feel like she might be after me, too) a postcard. What? Yes. A postcard. She's in England until late May for school stuff and she demanded one for valentines day... I guess I've never been the fastest writer in class.


----------



## -42-

Currently attempting to subvert friend zone. So far so good, but time will tell whether or not she's willing to open up. (Fuck me for liking shy girls)


----------



## avenger

-42- said:


> Currently attempting to subvert friend zone. So far so good, but time will tell whether or not she's willing to open up. (Fuck me for liking shy girls)


 Wine is your best friend at this point. Works wonders on the shy ones!


----------



## -42-

I'm seventeen, and she's sixteen, wine isn't an option.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

-42- said:


> Currently attempting to subvert friend zone. So far so good, but time will tell whether or not she's willing to open up. (Fuck me for liking shy girls)



Yo, Im gonna be honest, the friend zone is harder to get into than you'd imagine, girls are just masters of covering up any interest in you even if they have it. I thought I was in this girls friend zone for 5 months until I finally hooked up with her. She later told me I very well couldve at any time prior, and she HAD a boyfriend at the time.

tl;dr:

You probably arent anywhere as close to her friend zone as you think.


----------



## josh pelican

-42- said:


> I'm seventeen, and she's sixteen, wine isn't an option.



Yes it is.


----------



## troyguitar

Wine is fine but whiskey's quicker.


----------



## -42-

Did someone say quick?


----------



## josh pelican

troyguitar said:


> Wine is fine but whiskey's quicker.



No, punching them in the back of the head is.


----------



## numberonejrio

numberonejrio said:


> I find it kinda odd that my girlfriend broke up with me on April Fools day, but ah well. She gave me the whole "I don't want to be in a relationship right now, but I want to be friends" talk. Feels bad bro, but whatever. Plenty of other fish in the sea, considering im a freshman haha.



Just to add on to this, breaking news today.

So I found out from my friends and her friends that she cheated on me with the merch guy in the band im in like 3 weeks ago. Fuck. That stings dude ._.


----------



## metal_sam14

numberonejrio said:


> Just to add on to this, breaking news today.
> 
> So I found out from my friends and her friends that she cheated on me with the merch guy in the band im in like 3 weeks ago. Fuck. That stings dude ._.



Yeah, finding out about cheating sucks big time  just take the high ground and be thankful its over and you arent with someone like that anymore. it takes a while but it will get easier. my ex fucked her ex boyfriend twice while we were dating, took my a while to get over the hurt, but like I said, it gets easier with time and eventually you will look back and laugh


----------



## -42-

numberonejrio said:


> Just to add on to this, breaking news today.
> 
> So I found out from my friends and her friends that she cheated on me with the merch guy in the band im in like 3 weeks ago. Fuck. That stings dude ._.



Bang her best friend.


----------



## CrushingAnvil

I'm crazy about this girl who happens to be a friend of my sister's. It's fucking _so_ shit. My sister is a total fucking buzzkill aswell. She can't handle the paradigm of me being intoxicated so the time I _was_ in such a state in her presence, she proceeded to tell me to shut up half a dozen times  The thought of me dating or even being in to one of her friends may scar her for life


----------



## CrushingAnvil

-42- said:


> Bang her best friend.



Bang her, but address her by her best friend's name.


----------



## BrainArt

CrushingAnvil said:


> I'm crazy about this girl who happens to be a friend of my sister's. It's fucking _so_ shit. My sister is a total fucking buzzkill aswell. She can't handle the paradigm of me being intoxicated so the time I _was_ in such a state in her presence, she proceeded to tell me to shut up half a dozen times  The thought of me dating or even being in to one of her friends may scar her for life



I've dated a couple of my older sister's friends (who are my age), neither worked out all that well.


----------



## CrushingAnvil

BrainArt said:


> I've dated a couple of my older sister's friends (who are my age), neither worked out all that well.



God damn it, Brandon! 

Why not?


----------



## josh pelican

CrushingAnvil said:


> I'm crazy about this girl who happens to be a friend of my sister's. It's fucking _so_ shit. My sister is a total fucking buzzkill aswell. She can't handle the paradigm of me being intoxicated so the time I _was_ in such a state in her presence, she proceeded to tell me to shut up half a dozen times  The thought of me dating or even being in to one of her friends may scar her for life



Solution: Fuck her and your sister at the same time.


----------



## CrushingAnvil

josh pelican said:


> Solution: Fuck her and your sister at the same time.



Josh, you need to stay off /b/


----------



## josh pelican

CrushingAnvil said:


> Josh, you need to stay off /b/



Wanna know something funny?

I've been on /b/ once in my life and had no idea what the fuck was going on.


----------



## CrushingAnvil

josh pelican said:


> Wanna know something funny?
> 
> I've been on /b/ once in my life and had no idea what the fuck was going on.



My point still stands 

"If subject Pelican is subjected to moar /b/...well...May god have mercy on us all..."


----------



## BrainArt

CrushingAnvil said:


> God damn it, Brandon!
> 
> Why not?



Both times I was younger and more stupid than I am, now. 

My sister didn't have a problem with it, she didn't care.


----------



## leandroab

-42- said:


> Bang her best friend.


Then PIHB.


----------



## UnderTheSign

numberonejrio said:


> Just to add on to this, breaking news today.
> 
> So I found out from my friends and her friends that she cheated on me with the merch guy in the band im in like 3 weeks ago. Fuck. That stings dude ._.


I've always thought "if one of my gf's would cheat, I'd fucking destroy the guy she's doing". Then again, that won't solve anything. Banging her best friend sounds much better!


----------



## MFB

Still putting off the wordvomit, typical me, being a pussy


----------



## BucketheadRules

Got a girl's number, hoping this might go somewhere...


----------



## InTheRavensName

UnderTheSign said:


> I've always thought "if one of my gf's would cheat, I'd fucking destroy the guy she's doing". Then again, that won't solve anything. Banging her best friend sounds much better!



If you can, annihilate the guy for closure. Then bang her mum. And sis. 

...and dog/cat, if you're so inclined.


----------



## leandroab

InTheRavensName said:


> If you can, annihilate the guy for closure. Then bang her mum. And sis.
> 
> ...and dog/cat, if you're so inclined.


----------



## -42-




----------



## PyramidSmasher

Pissed off a woman!!

Staying below the radar for a few days


----------



## vampiregenocide

PyramidSmasher said:


> Pissed off a woman!!
> 
> Staying below the radar for a few days


 
Run. Run and never look back.


----------



## metal_sam14

I got laid last night  also ended up sleeping at another girls (who I have been getting close to) house. all in all, successful night!


----------



## CrushingAnvil

Sequence of events:

We try to sell our house, fail for four months, I fall for a wimminz, we sell our house two days later. I could still date her but we live like 50 meters away from her, currently  It would have been pretty handy (get your minds out of the sewer).


----------



## MFB

I think I may be getting myself in trouble with something I just did, but oh well :lol; For those who didn't see it, first see my "DAMN UNIVERSE, YOU SCARY!" post (http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/2409636-post1700.html)

NOW!

As some of you may have noticed, my Formspring link is in my sig, and has been for quite some time. So I popped on there today and decided to answer their QotD, which was "Biggest risk you've taken? Regret - yes/no?" and I bit with this :



> Probably taking a chance and going for someone who I had never known or met before; since when I go for someone, I usually know them in some way, but in this case, she was a stranger and we clicked so I took a chance and ran with it. I'd still do the same thing today because it was good until I ruined it.



If you've guessed that the person in here was the same as the girl who I just started talking to again, and also had a few FB chats with since then, you'd be correct. It'll be interesting to see what happens.


----------



## leandroab

I've been talking to this girl recently. She's a new person in my lab group (chemistry ) 

She's fucking hot, broke up with her boyfriend recently rant blabla..

But she's fucking crazy  and she said she smokes the left handed cigs... 

I have no intent to have a relationship to her (other than friends) but she did say some things that may conclude in a casual fuck 

It probably won't happen, but our conversations are funny as fuck.


----------



## Murmel

^
First positive post in the thread for you, eh Leandro?


----------



## soliloquy

Murmel said:


> ^
> First positive post in the thread for you, eh Leandro?



daaawwwww!!!! isn't that sweet! 
i think that is his first positive post in this thread!


----------



## leandroab

Murmel said:


> ^
> First positive post in the thread for you, eh Leandro?



Bahahah yeah positive in one way. But I'm definitely sure nothing is going to happen... She's way too crazy hahaha


----------



## soliloquy

UnderTheSign said:


> I've always thought "if one of my gf's would cheat, I'd fucking destroy the guy she's doing". Then again, that won't solve anything. Banging her best friend sounds much better!



idk...resorting to violence in my books never really worked. to be more effective, be classy. if the bitch cheats on you, you in return say 'you're welcome!' in a super rude way and walk the fuck away. if she asks 'for what?' say everything that you(as in YOU) did for her, and this is how she repays you. YOU deserve better, and she deserves a life without love, without a partner that will love her as much as YOU did, and her life would be miserable....


even if it isnt true, let her roll around in her own misery IF SHE HAS A HEART!


----------



## USMarine75

Didn't see your age but assuming you're a youngin'. So, just some random BS thoughts from an older guy... unless the BF accosts you, violence against him is just misdirected anger. (As a guy that spent the majority of his career unleashing violence on other people, I'm not saying this out of being a pussy and I'm not a pacifist that avoids conflict at all cost) But... really... what did he do to you? The responsibility doesn't lie with him, it is on her since she is in the relationship with you. So, be mad at her, since she's the one in what I'm assuming is an exclusive relationship.

Also, if you're younger then you have to realize odds are that you're not spending 50 years together... take it as a learning experience... be happy for the time you had... and move on. Remember, never 'want' to be with someone that doesn't love you (relationship talk here, if its a booty call ignore this and hit that shit). I've had so many friends that wallow and go on about shit like 'but I love her' etc... who cares? She doesn't love you. Move on. There are SO many women out there. You may run out of time, but you'll never run out of women... so don't stress. 

Most importantly and if you ignore everything else pay heed - Enjoy your 'me time', because once you get older and have kids and a career and you've finally found the perfect woman... fuck finding time to play your guitar!


----------



## Sang-Drax

I'm not single anymore =D


----------



## asmegin_slayer

Sang-Drax said:


> I'm not single anymore =D



Awesome! How does it feel? Now go to the beach and find yourself a hot ass fuck buddy?


----------



## Randy

Get it.


----------



## avenger

leandroab said:


> Bahahah yeah positive in one way. But I'm definitely sure nothing is going to happen... She's way too crazy hahaha


 Fuck and Chuck


----------



## DrOctavion

The girlfriend of two years and i just split yesterday. It also happens to be the weekend im house sitting in bum fck nowhere and i have like four people to talk to, shits lonely man.


----------



## redskyharbor

Theres a girl I like, she said she likes me too, but I'm worried about her. Last night she had a whole *litre* of vodka to herself, and had to walk home on her own. I was seriously bricking 'em and it's been screwing with my head. She could've got hurt or some creep could've even taken advantage or something.


----------



## InTheRavensName

^ keep your distance if she won't look after herself. It'll only get worse for you the more attached you get.


----------



## redskyharbor

InTheRavensName said:


> ^ keep your distance if she won't look after herself. It'll only get worse for you the more attached you get.



I think I'm gonna have to. I'll talk to her about it as well, 'cause at the time she honestly didn't seem to care and it's definately messed with my head a bit. Cheers for the advice mate. 

UPDATE: I spoke to her, mostly all is well now, I hope.


----------



## ZEBOV

I'm just posting the 1,800th post to this thread. W00T!

EDIT: Well, 1,800th reply.


----------



## MFB

You fool! You're 1801!


----------



## ZEBOV

1,800th reply though.


----------



## leandroab

I really hate clubs. 99% of women go to them.

FML


----------



## neoclassical

AAARGH. I'm married, but gave out my cell number to a chick 10 years younger than I am that I've seen at a few my band's shows. We spent the whole night talking and flirting WTF do I do????? I like her and was told she really likes me....


----------



## Meatbucket

neoclassical said:


> AAARGH. I'm married, but gave out my cell number to a chick 10 years younger than I am that I've seen at a few my band's shows. We spent the whole night talking and flirting WTF do I do????? I like her and was told she really likes me....


Read the first two words of your post. That's what I would do.

Edit: AAARGH is NOT a word.


----------



## SpottedBeaver

neoclassical said:


> AAARGH. I'm married, but gave out my cell number to a chick 10 years younger than I am that I've seen at a few my band's shows. We spent the whole night talking and flirting WTF do I do????? I like her and was told she really likes me....


 
Dude! You're married! Drop it and run away fast. There isn't anything or any girl worth ruining lives over. That includes you, your wife and the flirt. I don't know what your home life is like but you need to work it out now.


----------



## 13point9

neoclassical said:


> AAARGH. I'm married, but gave out my cell number to a chick 10 years younger than I am that I've seen at a few my band's shows. We spent the whole night talking and flirting WTF do I do????? I like her and was told she really likes me....



There is a reason you're married, you need to work it out again by the looks of things...




ANYWAAAAAY here's my dilemma:- Got drunk last night and almost text my best mate (female) saying that I'm confused weather or not I feelings for her again. We've known each other for 7 years and we were together for 18 months 5-6 years ago.

The weird thing is these feelings aren't anything to do with the previous relationship with her as we are both completely different people now. During the 7 years we started similar in basic music and fashion (goffs hahaha) and then our interests kind of split but have come back together for different things over the last 2 or so years. 

But after going to hers a couple times last Summer and just chilling due to both of us getting fucked over in our respective relationships, and being there to support each other and cheer each other up. Now I just want to spend more time with her, it felt really normal and that I could relax fully. 

We chat on the phone about once a week making sure we're both OK (important for both of us) and basically tell each other everything as we are each other's oldest friends. I should also mention that she out geeks me in everything other than music and films, she games and loves comics etc, and tells me cool things I should check out. Massive plus for me 

The problem is I have been confused for a while now, but I've pushed it all back as I had just come out of a 3 year relationship and she had come out of a horrible on off relationship. Then she was with literally the nicest guy ever, so didn't say anything then. She split up with him last week, so how I've mind fucked myself as I really don't know what will happen if I tell her and I don't want to risk screwing up a 7 year friendship. Ended up nearly having a panic attack at work worrying over the whole damn thing >.<

I was gunna put a pic of us up but most likely a REALLY bad idea


----------



## josh pelican

13point9 said:


> I was gunna put a pic of us up but most likely a REALLY bad idea



We want to see if you're cute or not!




neoclassical said:


> AAARGH. I'm married, but gave out my cell number to a chick 10 years younger than I am that I've seen at a few my band's shows. We spent the whole night talking and flirting WTF do I do????? I like her and was told she really likes me....



You're fucked either way.


----------



## neoclassical

SpottedBeaver said:


> Dude! You're married! Drop it and run away fast. There isn't anything or any girl worth ruining lives over. That includes you, your wife and the flirt. I don't know what your home life is like but you need to work it out now.



...... So I guess going out to dinner with her and some mutual friends at 6:00 tonight is bad then?????


----------



## Meatbucket

neoclassical said:


> ...... So I guess going out to dinner with her and some mutual friends at 6:00 tonight is bad then?????


Yes, yes it is. Be good to your wife, man. She married you for a reason. Don't betray that trust and love.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

neoclassical said:


> ...... So I guess going out to dinner with her and some mutual friends at 6:00 tonight is bad then?????



Do you really have to ask that question? Dinner with her and mutual friends isn't necessarily the probelm, it's the fact that you've exchanged numbers and expressed feelings for one another that makes it a problem.
Don't act stupid, man. You're _married_


----------



## josh pelican

Haven't you ever watched Kings of Queens? Going out to dinner with another girl and keeping it from your wife is cheating.

But, really... you're going behind your WIFE'S back, dude. Giving out your number, flirting, dinner... what's next? You think your wife is going to be happy?

Are you fucking trolling us?


----------



## 13point9

josh pelican said:


> We want to see if you're cute or not!



you can see my profile pic on here Josh


----------



## Kidneythief

neoclassical said:


> ...... So I guess going out to dinner with her and some mutual friends at 6:00 tonight is bad then?????



If per chance you are going to a chinese restaurant, and get a fortune cookie, always remember this:



But no seriously...I agree with everyone else...stick with the wife. She DID marry you for a reason.


----------



## SpottedBeaver

neoclassical said:


> ...... So I guess going out to dinner with her and some mutual friends at 6:00 tonight is bad then?????


 
It's a big mistake and nothing good can come of it.

You better not be trollin' us.


----------



## neoclassical

No, not trollin' you guys. Nothing happened tonight. I went out with her and only one other person came out. I got to know her a little better and I don't think I want to pursue this more than friendship -basically there is a lot of baggage, dealing RX drugs, and a semi long distance thing. I think I liked the attention a little too much. I'm also the type to admit that now and then find myself doing something stupid later -wtf is up with that? 




Kidneythief said:


> If per chance you are going to a chinese restaurant, and get a fortune cookie, always remember this:
> 
> 
> 
> But no seriously...I agree with everyone else...stick with the wife. She DID marry you for a reason.




I avoided any place that might have command giving baked goods for just this reason.

Damned if I can figure it out. I can't do anything right, I've changed, blah blah blah...


----------



## wannabguitarist

Sooo, who here is in a really happy relationship and scares the shit out of them because of how well it's going? I'm slightly worried about how my girlfriend and I (almost 6 months at this point, so not long but it's a record for me) have never had a fight or like a serious argument. We just got along almost too perfectly 

I'm not complaining just wondering if anyone else is like this?


----------



## josh pelican

wannabguitarist said:


> Sooo, who here is in a really happy relationship and scares the shit out of them because of how well it's going? I'm slightly worried about how my girlfriend and I (almost 6 months at this point, so not long but it's a record for me) have never had a fight or like a serious argument. We just got along almost too perfectly
> 
> I'm not complaining just wondering if anyone else is like this?



I'm with ya'. My girlfriend and I are at 11 months. We haven't fought yet. She doesn't get mad often and I know how to take her mind off of it.

With or without my dick.


----------



## OzoneJunkie

karma has me laughing today... realized that the last relationship, i was basically dating the former @$$hole version of my self... good one karma... good one ^_^


----------



## caskettheclown

wannabguitarist said:


> Sooo, who here is in a really happy relationship and scares the shit out of them because of how well it's going? I'm slightly worried about how my girlfriend and I (almost 6 months at this point, so not long but it's a record for me) have never had a fight or like a serious argument. We just got along almost too perfectly
> 
> I'm not complaining just wondering if anyone else is like this?



Me and my girl are like that too. We have only had one very small argument and we really don't consider it an argument either haha. We get a long perfectly.


----------



## UnderTheSign

UnderTheSign said:


> And going by that advice, I sent the girl I've been after since january (and feel like she might be after me, too) a postcard. What? Yes. A postcard. She's in England until late May for school stuff and she demanded one for valentines day... I guess I've never been the fastest writer in class.


^card took its goddamn time to arrive, but it did last week and she loved it. Made her day and can't wait until she comes back the 24th of May. 

Now, if someone could make a meme... "TIME..... WHY U NO PASS FASTER"?


----------



## -42-

I could have made that meme for you, but I was too bored, so I made this instead.







(please forgive me)


----------



## soliloquy

wannabguitarist said:


> Sooo, who here is in a really happy relationship and scares the shit out of them because of how well it's going? I'm slightly worried about how my girlfriend and I (almost 6 months at this point, so not long but it's a record for me) have never had a fight or like a serious argument. We just got along almost too perfectly
> 
> I'm not complaining just wondering if anyone else is like this?


nope, you're not the only one.

i've been dating my girl just over 3 years. and we never really have had any fights. sure, we had some silly misunderstandings here and there, but nothing that actually counts for a fight...

besides, my personality is the type that hardly ever gets mad. i only get mad when someone is persistent. her on the other hand, she gets mad when someone isn't talking to her. so we have a great thing going for us 

the only down side to our relationship is that as of late, she's got 4 jobs, working 100 plus hours, so we hardly ever get to see each other...ie: no sex


----------



## soliloquy

neoclassical said:


> No, not trollin' you guys. Nothing happened tonight. I went out with her and only one other person came out. I got to know her a little better and I don't think I want to pursue this more than friendship -basically there is a lot of baggage, dealing RX drugs, and a semi long distance thing. I think I liked the attention a little too much. I'm also the type to admit that now and then find myself doing something stupid later -wtf is up with that?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I avoided any place that might have command giving baked goods for just this reason.
> 
> Damned if I can figure it out. I can't do anything right, I've changed, blah blah blah...






[/url][/IMG]


----------



## UnderTheSign

-42- said:


> I could have made that meme for you, but I was too bored, so I made this instead.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> (please forgive me)



Thanks, that made my monday morning.


----------



## Kidneythief

Hmmwell guys I think I require some advice nowsorry but this is going to be a long one

Since I have not really a lot of opportunities to go out in my town, and maybe get to know some nice girls from my area. So I have been hanging around on the internet a lot, and somehow got to know a girl who is kinda cute, and is really nice to talk to.

BUT

Here comes the part where everything just gets confusing:
Lets call the first girl SUBJECT A.

There is another girl who I also met on a site a long time ago. Lets call this girl SUBJECT B. We have met once in real life, I traveled to her once, and spent about a week at her place, getting kinky and all that stuff, and just having a really good time with her. After that, the contact somehow got broke for about 2 years, until last year December, when she wrote me a message on facebook when she saw that I broke up with my girlfriend. Ever since I have been talking to her regularly, off-course if she was online, because she doesnt really have a stable internet connection, and isnt really that much at home. Promises were made, to go on a date together if I would move to her city (which is basically the capitol of Hungary)I wouldnt move there exclusively because of her, but maybe because of better job opportunities. But off-course the fact that she is there plays also a role in the decision.

So SUBJECT A has contacted me about 1 week ago, and we started to talk, I kind of liked her, because she was nice. She doesnt look that good as SUBJECT B, but had a nice attitude, and I really liked the attention she was giving me. The funny part is, that if I would want to get to her, I would have to travel twice as much as to SUBJECT B. Something is bugging me sort-ofon Saturday I mentioned to her that there are a lot of guys lingering around her on facebook, and yet she was always telling me, that only I have her fully undivided attention. I started to tell her, that I dont feel comfortable with this, and the positive feedback she is giving all these other guys (with likes, and stuff)because of this, she cut herself. No really she didshe showed the scars (wtf?!?!?) to me via webcam today. Hmmcrazy?  And she keeps telling me things like, that she loves me, and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. I have to confess Im a little bit guilty, because ever since she cut herself, Im trying to reassure her, that I am starting to have feelings for her too. And call me crazy but I do sort ofbut Im beginning to doubt myself a little bit. I have only known her for 1 week so wtf? 

Back to SUBJECT B. On Friday we talked on facebook-chat, and I confessed to her, that there is another girl (yes you guessed itSUBJECT A), who is kind of making a move on me, and that I dont know how will I choose if I really have to choose between them. I just wanted to come clear, and not inflict that big of a harm. She responded with something along the lines of: Okay fine, choose her, Im way more complicated and went offline. Today she called me up, that she misses me, and we didnt really talk last time, and asked me how I was doing. She asked me if I would be coming to her in the spring perhaps. When I replied I dont really know, she asked what if she would come to me? I couldnt really reply to that, although I didnt tell her that I wouldnt be happy to see her. After we finished I received a text message from her saying: It was nice to talk. Ill be dreaming with your sexy voice. 

So yeahbasically that is my problem, that I cannot choose between to girls, who are living too damn far away from me.


----------



## Devotion

Waw. What a story. My 16-year old common sense would tell to get the least crazy one (subject B).
But from my only relation i learned that a crazy girl is sure to be the one that will love you till he very end. But in this case, she could react very badly when this end is breaking up.

I don't expect you to take advice from a 16 y/o serious in this thread, but i would go for B. But this isn't my choice.
Follow your heart.


----------



## soliloquy

Kidneythief: id suggest person B. you two know each other. you two are more familiar with each other. you two are comfortable with each other, and in a world like today, practicality should rule over everything else, and as such, she is far more practical to be with than person A. you have some sort of chemistry with person B.

person A on the other hand is just giving you attention which you seem to be needing (i'm not judging. just reading from what you wrote up there....sorry if that came off as a prick statement). but at the same time, if she is confessing her love to you even after a week of knowing each other, then there is something really wrong with that. 

dont get me wrong. i mean, sure, in a relationship, women more often than men fall in love faster than men. however, fall in love in just a week (that you guys haven't really spent much time during that one week) seems a bit fishy. 

speaking of fishy, watch a movie called 'catfish'. there seems to be something off about person A. and at the same time, she seems a bit obsessive. so yes, when you are with her, there may not be anyone else that may love you as much as her, or rather 'love', but she may also be in your face all the time and breathing down your neck and may very well just smother you. and her cutting her self is not the best thing to do! i mean, say you two get into a relationship that lasts 6 or whatever years and you forget her bday one of those days, or you didn't notice her hair cut. what does she do? she cuts her self. in a way, she would be manipulating and black mailing you. 

if i were you, i'd run man. 

however, just like the 16 year old above me said, follow your heart. if you seem to work more with person A, and you think it will go somewhere, then go for it. and looks shouldn't matter as they all fade one way or another....


----------



## Kidneythief

Hey no offence taken, that is why I wrote down the situation.
And to be honest I feel the same way that I liked this extra attention, which I have been missing now for quite some time.

The problem is beginning to unfold slowly. How to tell a girl who is a potential risk to herself (yes&#8230;SUBJECT A&#8230;codename: CUTTER&#8230;damn I enjoy this too much), that she needs to take a few steps back, and relax, and maybe think it over again, that it is a bit far-fetched to tell someone after 1 week that you love them? I like it I won&#8217;t lie about that. But damn there is something wrong with that girl.

Yes and as you can see I&#8217;m leaning towards girl-B because I know her better anyway. And she is much more stable then the other one, and to be honest, I don&#8217;t have the energy to deal with psychos anymore. Had one in the past, that was more then enough for me.


----------



## BucketheadRules

I'd say go for person B then, really. You'll probably be happier.


----------



## avenger

Id say steer clear of both (especially subject B) and maybe fidn someone where you live. Traveling all the time to see someone starts to get annoying and unfortunitly is projected onto the person you are travelling to see even if you do like them.

Plenty of fish in the sea.


----------



## jymellis

you guys worry about trivial shit, with trivial people.


----------



## Kidneythief

Well the distance thing wouldn't be a big issue after a while, because I intend to move to the same city where the "normal" girl is living. But like I stated I wouldn't just move there to get to her, but because I can't find any work here in my city. Hell not even McDonald's would take me, because I'm not a student anymore


----------



## Cabinet

To your lightbulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex


----------



## UnderTheSign

Even if you don't end up going for B... still don't go for A. She sounds like a freaking nutjob man!


----------



## Mexi

crazy girls are more likely to be open to doin freaky shit in the bedroom, but the amount of emotional/psychological baggage they often carry is entirely NOT worth it.


----------



## leandroab

Less crazy girl: Relationship?

Crazy girl: Fuck buddy.


There. Solved your problem.


----------



## Devotion

leandroab said:


> Less crazy girl: Relationship?
> 
> Crazy girl: Fuck buddy.
> 
> 
> There. Solved your problem.



Did you notice the distance? A fuck buddy that is that far away is not really practical. Otherwise, pretty good suggestion (I wouldn't do it, as it could turn out pretty badly with the crazy one. )


----------



## WickedSymphony

leandroab said:


> Both girls:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> There. Solved your problem.




I believe this is what you meant.


----------



## leandroab




----------



## renzoip

Mexi said:


> crazy girls are more likely to be open to doin freaky shit in the bedroom



This I agree with 



> the amount of emotional/psychological baggage they often carry is entirely NOT worth it.



This I do not agree with 

If it is a short term thing, and you do not get involved in her personal life, then it is no problem. I banged a crazy/freaky girl for 2 weeks and it was totally worth it!


----------



## UnderTheSign

Seeing as it took her 2 weeks to become completely obsessed over him, I doubt it'd be a 2 week thing.


----------



## vampiregenocide

The thing about crazy girls is they're easier to read. Because they can be over emotional it's easier to tell when something is up. With a quiet, shy girl you never know what she is thinking or how she feels half the time.


----------



## Kidneythief

Well I dumped the crazy one, and told her that this is not a road I want to take again. Sure she got upset, and started to cry over the phone (like I said...she lives like 7-8 hours from me), but damn. I had enough crazies in my life so far. So no more. Atleast she didn't kill herself (I can see she is online on facebook...or maybe she killed herself already and is lying next to her computer with open wrists...heh...would make a cool album cover). So yeah...trap avoided 

The less crazy is still too damn far away sadly...but that is still a smaller problem then having a really crazy stalker.


----------



## Fzau

Just chiming to say I'm winning this thread atm.

That is all


----------



## Devotion

Fzau said:


> Just chiming to say I'm winning this thread atm.
> 
> That is all



And why would that be, Antwerp-dude ? (no offence btw, cool city, better than over here)


----------



## Fzau

Devotion said:


> And why would that be, Antwerp-dude ? (no offence btw, cool city, better than over here)



Just fucking with you guys 

Don't be jealous Leandro? 


Spoiler



I kid, I kid  



Also: BELGIUM 

EDIT: By just fucking with you guys I do not mean that I fucked someone off this forum, alright?


----------



## Devotion

Fzau said:


> Also: BELGIUM
> 
> EDIT: By just fucking with you guys I do not mean that I fucked someone off this forum, alright?



Belgium! 

and maybe you didn't fuck one of us, but maybe one of us fucked you?  Think about it, deep shit  (Not rly )


----------



## leandroab

Fzau said:


> Just fucking with you guys
> 
> Don't be jealous Leandro?
> 
> 
> Spoiler
> 
> 
> 
> I kid, I kid
> 
> 
> 
> Also: BELGIUM
> 
> EDIT: By just fucking with you guys I do not mean that I fucked someone off this forum, alright?



I don't get it...


----------



## Varcolac

Fzau said:


> Just chiming to say I'm winning this thread atm.
> 
> That is all



I didn't know Charlie Sheen was Flemish. I win here, I win there.


----------



## wannabguitarist

soliloquy said:


> nope, you're not the only one.
> 
> i've been dating my girl just over 3 years. and we never really have had any fights. sure, we had some silly misunderstandings here and there, but nothing that actually counts for a fight...
> 
> besides, my personality is the type that hardly ever gets mad. i only get mad when someone is persistent. her on the other hand, she gets mad when someone isn't talking to her. so we have a great thing going for us
> 
> the only down side to our relationship is that as of late, she's got 4 jobs, working 100 plus hours, so we hardly ever get to see each other...ie: no sex



Yup I don't really get mad at things, frustrated yes, but never to the point where I feel it's worth arguing about at that moment. All the little issues we've had have been solved by having a little talk the next day. I guess I'm just not used to things being this easy 

And that sucks man. My girl and I's work/school (only me) schedules don't fit together that well so I can only see her like once or twice a week


----------



## asmegin_slayer

On positive news, the lady and I will be celebrating 6 years together tomorrow. Still not married yet which is fine. We've been to lazy getting the wedding ready since we tend to go to small/epic vacations as of late.

Originally we had planned to celebrate by going to see Rammstein next month in vegas, but instead I will surprise her with a nice special meal that I will make.


----------



## soliloquy

because women are insane:


----------



## UnderTheSign

Fzau said:


> Just chiming to say I'm winning this thread atm.
> 
> That is all


You might win this thread but you still don't have a functioning government


----------



## Necris

But a functioning government won't get you laid.


----------



## caskettheclown

My girl is coming over tomorrow to stay the weekend since my birthday (i'll be 20) is Tuesday. 

Going to be FUN! <3

Id like us to do something fun though. Besides watch movies and good off. Something romantic and ...well not to expensive. Preferably something I can do at my house.

Thoughts?


----------



## Varcolac

caskettheclown said:


> My girl is coming over tomorrow to stay the weekend since my birthday (i'll be 20) is Tuesday.
> 
> Going to be FUN! <3
> 
> Id like us to do something fun though. Besides watch movies and good off. *Something romantic and ...well not to expensive. Preferably something I can do at my house.*
> 
> Thoughts?



Oral sex?


----------



## caskettheclown

Varcolac said:


> Oral sex?




Already do that and more...

(don't ask)

(ok you can ask if you need advice but DON'T disown me)


----------



## -42-

caskettheclown said:


> Id like us to do something fun though. Besides watch movies and good off. Something romantic and ...well not to expensive. Preferably something I can do at my house.
> 
> Thoughts?



Well...
























































...kill her with a rock.


----------



## soliloquy

caskettheclown said:


> My girl is coming over tomorrow to stay the weekend since my birthday (i'll be 20) is Tuesday.
> 
> Going to be FUN! <3
> 
> Id like us to do something fun though. Besides watch movies and good off. Something romantic and ...well not to expensive. Preferably something I can do at my house.
> 
> Thoughts?



cook for her! chicks love that! i can give you easy and cheap recopies if you like.

or, cook with her! its always romantic and fun. even if its easy stuff like making a salad together. have fun with it


----------



## Explorer

I should have expected -42-'s answer, but it still made me burst out laughing....


----------



## caskettheclown

I think i'll cook her some chicken alfredo and turn the lights down a bit while our song is playing.


----------



## -42-

caskettheclown said:


> I think i'll cook her some chicken alfredo and turn the lights down a bit while our song is playing.



If your song isn't Careless Whisper then you're doing it wrong.


----------



## MFB

Truer words have never been typed


----------



## Randy




----------



## Threex4




----------



## shonoo

wat happend to metal anywaays


----------



## BucketheadRules

shonoo said:


> wat happend to metal anywaays



YES LAD.



<3


----------



## scottro202

So....

I started hanging out with this girl I met at a show I was playing a couple months ago. I'm a junior in high school (turn 17 in a week), and she's a senior (she turns 18 soon). Long story short, I kinda have a thing for her, and I'd like to see if anything could happen between us. Problem? She thinks I'm her age (a senior in high school, 17 or 18). I never told her my age, and until tonight she never asked. She asked, when mentioning my birthday, if I was turning 18 or 19 (turns out, obviously, it's neither of those). I just said "yeah" and kept driving, and when she said "WTF?" I said I was concentrating on my driving, and we kept on with our night. I then told her sister I was going to the local community college next year, which IS TRUE. It's just, it's under a dual enrollment program from my high school  I DID say I was a senior when her sister asked me my age though.... She goes off too college out of state in August. 

What should I do, guys? I don't want anything SERIOUS, because well, she leaves in months. But ya know, a summer fling or something wouldn't be all that bad. She seems to dig me as of now, and I don't wanna fuck this up, even though I probably did


----------



## highlordmugfug

scottro202 said:


> What should I do, guys?


Prove that you're mature by not lying about shit (lies of omission are still lies).

Oh wait...


----------



## josh pelican

Why does age matter? You guys are just over a year apart...


----------



## UnderTheSign

josh pelican said:


> Why does age matter? You guys are just over a year apart...


We all know what to do if she doesn't dig you, anyway.


----------



## redskyharbor

UnderTheSign said:


> We all know what to do if she doesn't dig you, anyway.



Could it possibly have anything to do with a certain naturally occurring solid aggregate of minerals?

Jokes aside, I just found out yesterday that "it's probably not gonna happen". After a good year or so of successfully not giving a fuck, letting my guard down for someone only for that to happen really sucks.


----------



## BrainArt

scottro202 said:


> So....
> 
> I started hanging out with this girl I met at a show I was playing a couple months ago. I'm a junior in high school (turn 17 in a week), and she's a senior (she turns 18 soon). Long story short, I kinda have a thing for her, and I'd like to see if anything could happen between us. Problem? She thinks I'm her age (a senior in high school, 17 or 18). I never told her my age, and until tonight she never asked. She asked, when mentioning my birthday, if I was turning 18 or 19 (turns out, obviously, it's neither of those). I just said "yeah" and kept driving, and when she said "WTF?" I said I was concentrating on my driving, and we kept on with our night. I then told her sister I was going to the local community college next year, which IS TRUE. It's just, it's under a dual enrollment program from my high school  I DID say I was a senior when her sister asked me my age though.... She goes off too college out of state in August.
> 
> What should I do, guys? I don't want anything SERIOUS, because well, she leaves in months. But ya know, a summer fling or something wouldn't be all that bad. She seems to dig me as of now, and I don't wanna fuck this up, even though I probably did



Scott, do I really need to tell you what you already know?  Bulldoze that pink monkey, dude!


----------



## neoclassical

highlordmugfug said:


> Prove that you're mature by not lying about shit (lies of omission are still lies).
> 
> Oh wait...



True.


----------



## soliloquy

josh pelican said:


> Why does age matter? You guys are just over a year apart...



guys usually dont care about age unless the chick is a cougar who wants to shape the guy into her own play-toy.

girls always care about age. it doesn't matter if he's younger, older, same age or made out of heavy preservatives that keep him from aging....they still care about the age!

thus, women are fucked in the head!


----------



## UnderTheSign

redskyharbor said:


> Could it possibly have anything to do with a certain naturally occurring solid aggregate of minerals?



I see what you did there.


----------



## Taylor2

God dammit women are fucking unbelievable.



That's all I want to say.


----------



## josh pelican

My girlfriend asked me what I wanted for our anniversary.

I asked for a rock.


----------



## leandroab

Crazy bitch that I might fuck just got a new boyfriend.

hahhahha wtf


----------



## Murmel

leandroab said:


> Crazy bitch that I might fuck just got a new boyfriend.
> 
> hahhahha wtf



Fuck them both.



































Wait....


----------



## redskyharbor

With a rock? 

Seriously though, total mindfuck right there man, even if it was just a potential hookup.


----------



## renzoip

leandroab said:


> Crazy bitch that I might fuck just got a new boyfriend.
> 
> hahhahha wtf



Worry not, she'll most likely break up with him sooner than later since she a Crazy Biatch. When that happens, you know what do do


----------



## neoclassical

I can't stop talking to that chick I mentioned before. She's coming into town for my band's next show and will probably crash on my couch. Wifey said it's cool but doesn't know how I feel about said younger chick or that I went out with her last week. There is alot going on in my marriage right now, if we get a divorce she'll "take the kids where I'll never find/see them," so I guess I'm trapped.


----------



## Mordacain

neoclassical said:


> I can't stop talking to that chick I mentioned before. She's coming into town for my band's next show and will probably crash on my couch. Wifey said it's cool but doesn't know how I feel about said younger chick or that I went out with her last week. There is alot going on in my marriage right now, if we get a divorce she'll "take the kids where I'll never find/see them," so I guess I'm trapped.



Just a word of advice, deal with the shit in your marriage first. If you're not happy, fine...either fix it or start the divorce process in a way you can still be a good father to your kids, but don't string your wife or the young chika along.


----------



## TreWatson

I am now the participant in a slightly Long distance relationship. she doesn't live far ( same state, different county) but travel costs are a BIIIIIITCH.







dis her


----------



## neoclassical

tre, she's cute


----------



## TreWatson

neoclassical said:


> tre, she's cute


yes, she is. we're probably gonna be going out in the next few weeks, take her around the harbor. EXCITED.


----------



## leandroab

neoclassical said:


> I can't stop talking to that chick I mentioned before. She's coming into town for my band's next show and will probably crash on my couch. Wifey said it's cool but doesn't know how I feel about said younger chick or that I went out with her last week. There is alot going on in my marriage right now, if we get a divorce she'll "take the kids where I'll never find/see them," so I guess I'm trapped.



The fuck is wrong with ya? By this, I'm assuming you either don't like your wife, or your kids. Or both.


----------



## neoclassical

Dude you try being in a relationship where you are constantly put down, yelled at, have things thrown at you, are treated like child-literally, told that anything you do to fix/clean/improve the house is wrong or not good enough, the near loss of the house b/c of her financial decisions, get treated like someone's property, constantly be put down as a father and having your parenting skills questioned or decisions reversed all the time b/c of her issues. After 16 years including dating you'd start thinking about getting out too. By the time I was strong enough to want out my parents were making me marry her (kinda long story) and then after putting off having kids with her for as long as I could b/c I knew it would end up like this she has two little pawns to use against me -It's gotten to the point where if my mood doesn't improve she'll take the kids while I'm out and I'll never find them. If I don't keep up with the house work she'll take them while I'm out and I'll never find them. If I don't want to move my family where she wants she'll take them while I'm out and I'll never find them. I want to sleep a little late? she'll take the kids while I'm out and I'll never find them. When planned parenthood came in to teach my students about abuse I kept ticking off all the things they listed that my wife does to me. when they got to the part about threatening to take children away I could barely sit there. I love my wife, I guess it is true: everyone loves their abuser. My kids, music, and cats are the lights of my life but I can't take her abuse much longer and I can't get out either. I don't think I'm strong enough to again either.


----------



## TreWatson

neoclassical said:


> Dude you try being in a relationship where you are constantly put down, yelled at, have things thrown at you, are treated like child-literally, told that anything you do to fix/clean/improve the house is wrong or not good enough, the near loss of the house b/c of her financial decisions, get treated like someone's property, constantly be put down as a father and having your parenting skills questioned or decisions reversed all the time b/c of her issues. After 16 years including dating you'd start thinking about getting out too. By the time I was strong enough to want out my parents were making me marry her (kinda long story) and then after putting off having kids with her for as long as I could b/c I knew it would end up like this she has two little pawns to use against me -It's gotten to the point where if my mood doesn't improve she'll take the kids while I'm out and I'll never find them. If I don't keep up with the house work she'll take them while I'm out and I'll never find them. If I don't want to move my family where she wants she'll take them while I'm out and I'll never find them. I want to sleep a little late? she'll take the kids while I'm out and I'll never find them. When planned parenthood came in to teach my students about abuse I kept ticking off all the things they listed that my wife does to me. when they got to the part about threatening to take children away I could barely sit there. I love my wife, I guess it is true: everyone loves their abuser. My kids, music, and cats are the lights of my life but I can't take her abuse much longer and I can't get out either. I don't think I'm strong enough to again either.


i DID. go through that, except it was only my girlfriend.

know what i did? i told her that it's apparent she does not respect me. tell her you're gonna be an adult and stop playing games with her. demand respect or tell her you're gone, 

DOCUMENT THINGS. (every time she mistreats you from here-on out -- do what i did, run a DAW with a small portable mic somewhere or in my case let your phone recorder run in your pocket) take her ass to court, GET YOUR KIDS. or at least make it so that if she leaves, she can't take her kids somewhere you don't know about. they can do that, you know, if you document well enough.

and if shit gets bad enough, take your EVIDENCE and slam her ass with it.

luckily for me, i just had to call the cops because she tried to stab me with a switchblade, but it's not hard, homie. you can do it.


----------



## neoclassical

And i'm not sure but she may have cheated on me this past year, and thought she might have before we got married and I was so brainwashed i still stuck around. try letting shit like that smolder in your head for a while and see if someone who seems normal comes along and treats you nicely what happens. there are some days that i fear for my daughters' safety with her. and yes i still love my wife. wtf?


----------



## TreWatson

neoclassical said:


> And i'm not sure but she may have cheated on me this past year, and thought she might have before we got married and I was so brainwashed i still stuck around. try letting shit like that smolder in your head for a while and see if someone who seems normal comes along and treats you nicely what happens. there are some days that i fear for my daughters' safety with her. and yes i still love my wife. wtf?



i love all my exes too. even the one that tried to kill me. the difference is i knew when something was unhealthy. dude, that relationship is UNHEALTHY. get out of there.

also, i've been cheated on constantly, so you're still preaching to the choir. haha

oh, and i know. i was just trying to be helpful. i wanna show support to my SS brothers.  don't take it the wrong way.


----------



## neoclassical

thanks tre

she's pretty good at playing the normal house wife and even "correcting" me while in public. We look like a really happy couple with happy kids. I really think she'd be able to turn stuff around on me. btw I wasn't ranting at you. no offense meant.


----------



## TreWatson

neoclassical said:


> thanks tre


its tough man, i know. i KNOW.

but you'll get through this. one way or the other, you will.


----------



## SpottedBeaver

Now that you have let it out, I can see that it's an unhealthy relationship. Perhaps it was before you even got married. Tre has the right idea. Document incidents the best you can.

One additional word of advice though. Be really careful with another girl. She can use that against you and take everything. Also, be careful posting on a public forum, because that can also be used against you.

Good luck sorting it all out. Just be careful because, from what you said, I don't see that as a lasting relationship.


----------



## soliloquy

/\ like he said, i would actually edit out about the other girl incase shit hits the fan. 
lawyers are dicks and unless you dont give them something to shut them up, they will try pulling out the stupidest things and some how make sense of it. 

you ate a banana. that means you cheated. that means you're an unfit father and partner. yoink! no kids for you!




*sorry for any lawyers out there. i'm just exaggerating, but from my experience, lawyers cant be trusted...


----------



## JamesM

They're just doing their job. You're just pissy because you clearly have gotten the shit end of the stick. Should have had a better lawyer.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Like Tre said... Get the damn recordings etc when you can. IF shit hits the fan, you don't want to lose your kids.


----------



## josh pelican

You're in a tricky situation, man. All she has to do is play the Sad Wife card and your life comes to an end.

Keep in mind if you get a divorce, she is entitled to half your shit. I've heard horror stories of the woman just taking the closest things to the man (i.e. father's guitar).

Luckily, my broad said she doesn't care if she gets married or not. If I get married, it won't be in a church, that's for sure. I'll get Randy to do the honors.


----------



## caskettheclown

Great weekend! 

Though I need some advice.

Ashlie (my GF) told me friday " My friend Jeff pulled me in and kissed me, and I ran off to the bathroom after I kicked him in the nuts" then keeps on saying she is sorry and so on and so on. She said that it happened Wednesday.
I got the guys number today and called but got no answer. I want to get his side of the story.

Any advice on what do guys?
Ashlie has never cheated on anyone so i don't think thats it but there is a first time for everything...


----------



## JamesM

If you like her enough for it to be relevant, take her word for it. Otherwise you aren't in much of a relationship anyway.


----------



## redskyharbor

Had an argument with the girl I like, and it was my fault. My apology was accepted, and I think everything is back on track.


----------



## 13point9

Went out with a girl I'm into on Sat took her home at 7 talked until 1am (this has happened 3 times now usually lasting all night), pussied out of telling her face to face, ended up texting her after saying it, along with that its cool if she's not into me and can just carry on as normal, no means no after all. Got no response either way. I've spoken to her since, just not about that. such a lame situation to be in, I'd rather she just said she's not into me so I can brush it all aside...


----------



## soliloquy

13point9 said:


> Went out with a girl I'm into on Sat took her home at 7 talked until 1am (this has happened 3 times now usually lasting all night), pussied out of telling her face to face, ended up texting her after saying it, along with that its cool if she's not into me and can just carry on as normal, no means no after all. Got no response either way. I've spoken to her since, just not about that. such a lame situation to be in, I'd rather she just said she's not into me so I can brush it all aside...



worse comes to worse, she says no. 
so ask her. besides, girls like guys who are confident. and they prefer face to face. if not face to face, then over the phone (ie, talking to her). texting is no good if you wanna ask her out.


----------



## leandroab

neoclassical said:


> Dude you try being in a relationship where you are constantly put down, yelled at, have things thrown at you, are treated like child-literally, told that anything you do to fix/clean/improve the house is wrong or not good enough, the near loss of the house b/c of her financial decisions, get treated like someone's property, constantly be put down as a father and having your parenting skills questioned or decisions reversed all the time b/c of her issues. After 16 years including dating you'd start thinking about getting out too. By the time I was strong enough to want out my parents were making me marry her (kinda long story) and then after putting off having kids with her for as long as I could b/c I knew it would end up like this she has two little pawns to use against me -It's gotten to the point where if my mood doesn't improve she'll take the kids while I'm out and I'll never find them. If I don't keep up with the house work she'll take them while I'm out and I'll never find them. If I don't want to move my family where she wants she'll take them while I'm out and I'll never find them. I want to sleep a little late? she'll take the kids while I'm out and I'll never find them. When planned parenthood came in to teach my students about abuse I kept ticking off all the things they listed that my wife does to me. when they got to the part about threatening to take children away I could barely sit there. I love my wife, I guess it is true: everyone loves their abuser. My kids, music, and cats are the lights of my life but I can't take her abuse much longer and I can't get out either. I don't think I'm strong enough to again either.



In that case, get a muthafucking divorce, and bang that chick so hard her vagina will explode.


----------



## powerofze

redskyharbor said:


> Had an argument with the girl I like, and it was my fault. My apology was accepted, and I think everything is back on track.


Funny enough, I've had arguments (numerous) with girls I liked too....But I never apologized! (Even though clearly I was at fault). Things always heal with time though, it will always get back on track


----------



## 13point9

soliloquy said:


> worse comes to worse, she says no.
> so ask her. besides, girls like guys who are confident. and they prefer face to face. if not face to face, then over the phone (ie, talking to her). texting is no good if you wanna ask her out.



tru dat, gunna do it next time I see her properly, main reason I didn't last time was because I didn't know how to bring it up as we were chatting random shit at 100mph hahaha


----------



## soliloquy

13point9 said:


> tru dat, gunna do it next time I see her properly, main reason I didn't last time was because I didn't know how to bring it up as we were chatting random shit at 100mph hahaha



how about this. ask her out VERY CASUALLY!
like, before you're dropping her off, ask her something like 'hey, lets do coffee next time' or 'i wanna show you something, so you pick the date and time and i'll pick the place'. 

that way when she does leave, she'd be thinking if you asked her out or not and yeah. so you'd be in control of the situation then


----------



## neoclassical

wow we kinda had it out and it's all my fault/my mental illness' fault. she's the victim. what now?


----------



## josh pelican

Hide her corpse.


----------



## neoclassical

lol. she made me see see i'm the one whois wrong. maybe she turned it all round idk it made sense after a while with her subtle rock


----------



## BucketheadRules

josh pelican said:


> Hide her corpse.


----------



## 13point9

soliloquy said:


> how about this. ask her out VERY CASUALLY!
> like, before you're dropping her off, ask her something like 'hey, lets do coffee next time' or 'i wanna show you something, so you pick the date and time and i'll pick the place'.
> 
> that way when she does leave, she'd be thinking if you asked her out or not and yeah. so you'd be in control of the situation then



hahaha doing that already, mainly with that she wants to go see Thor so I said 'lets go. when are you free?' just need to pencil in the time pretty much 

but maybe coffee before that would be a better idea for a chat haha...


----------



## redskyharbor

powerofze said:


> Funny enough, I've had arguments (numerous) with girls I liked too....But I never apologized! (Even though clearly I was at fault). Things always heal with time though, it will always get back on track



Time does heal, but it doesn't guarantee that things will be the same as they were before.


----------



## neoclassical

does it mean a chick really digs you if she's having a root canal and wants to hang out with you that day and the next?


----------



## SpottedBeaver




----------



## SAWitall

i personally never ever do the movie dates until a relationship has been established. too quiet, and on a future note guys of ss.org its a bad idea to straight up make a girl think u like them.kiss of death actually...coming out and expressing how you feel lets a girl know u want something from them.itd be like if a big unnatrictive girl came out of no where and said "you sexy man make me kids"..oh no no.if she didnt call or text back its because you exhibited a low social value. confidence is always shown not talked about.on the flipside attraction cant be rationalized...you have no choice to feel attraction. and girls get that by judging social worth and by displaying that you have high value which if u can internalize...easy once you know how....that gives her a subconcious ultimatum that you have something to give them. no that doesnt mean be a d bag and is just the opposite of the "bad boys" who just try to sit around staring looking alloof looking like there after something but never opening and actualy initiating until its too late. smile allot talk to people be the cool and comfortable guy. on the other hand after you have built attraction you can move on to the comfort stuff like asking questions about her and letting her know u like her. but it must start with attraction. cheat sheet-just talk about irrelevant shit that wil make her laugh and topics with a broad range of growth and keep the conversation flow fun and filled with diffrent possible directions to go. youll than know youve initiated attraction just based on the female indicators of interest such as playing with hair scratching her wrist leaning in to your words. sometimes a girlk is used to so many guys hitting on them that you have to give her a negative but sly and playful insulting remark that lowers her social value and makes you look uninterested. which turns the tide to giving you higher value


----------



## asmegin_slayer

Lady was gone yesterday for work in memphis. I didn't know how to cook pork chops. So I just did this.


----------



## leandroab

asmegin_slayer said:


> Lady was gone yesterday for work in memphis. I didn't know how to cook pork chops. So I just did this.



Dude, fucking win!!!

Also, Hot-N-Ready... just like me


----------



## -42-

neoclassical said:


> does it mean a chick really digs you if she's having a root canal and wants to hang out with you that day and the next?


Only if you canal her with your root.

/twelve year old


----------



## neoclassical

lolz


----------



## metal_sam14

-42- said:


> Only if you canal her with your root.
> 
> /twelve year old



Root her canal perhaps?


----------



## neoclassical

WTF why are things so wtf? Sorry I have no one to talk about this stuff/rant to until my bassist moves in with us in a few days.


----------



## -42-

neoclassical said:


> WTF why are things so wtf? Sorry I have no one to talk about this stuff/rant to until my bassist moves in with us in a few days.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Shitty version because Firefox crapped out on me. Ha.

The girl I kinda like (and that likes me) who's still in England until the 24th has been busy and not very talkative lately, and was kinda grumpy/bitchy this afternoon which left me confused and all that.

Sooo yesterday night I was out celebrating queensnight with an old buddy I've been hanging with again the past few months and some girl kept eyeballing me. I recognized her but couldn't remember who she was. Today we bumped into her again and we started talking, turns out she's an old friend from 6-7yrs ago... That got a whole load prettier, too. When she left she gave me her number and email addy. 

....Memetime?





My buddy and another friend said she looked pretty interested and all and she smiled at me in "a certain way". I dunno.

I just don't know what to do either. I've been waiting for the girl in England to come home since March now but we talk less and now that we admitted to liking eachother she doesn't seem as enthousiastic anymore either. I'm a patient guy but her getting snappy made me doubt wether it's worth the wait still - 3,5 week left.

Maybe I should just ask her about how she feels?

Or... Should I just kinda forget about her and go for the girl that gave me her #? I've been deliberately evading women I know that like me because I want to be there for her when the girl in England returns and all that. I'd feel real damn guilty if I screwed it all up simply because I got impatient and felt in need of female company :/


----------



## Kidneythief

@UnderTheSign: well to be honest having a meeting with someone who you have met after such a long while is not something I would consider a bad idea. I mean how would you know if she really wanted something from you now?

On my half the situation:
Things are getting more and more better around here. Well almost...sadly I haven't been able to invent a device that allows teleportation, BUT the girl who is really into me (and off-course I'm into her) will be coming in 8 days to visit me, and stay for a few nights 
(And no...it's not the one who cut herself, I dumped her ass 2 weeks ago)


And totally off-topic, but I got a job as a german/english IT-helpdesk employee at a firm in a neighboring city, so I'll move there and see how that will go. I have big hopes for this one


----------



## Devotion

@ underthesign Just hang out with the girl that gave her your #, but don't start anything until the one from England returned. If she indeed isn't that enthusiastic anymore, you can fall back on the #-girl.
No need to estrange yourself from the world just because you want to wait for her.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Thanks guys. 
And yeah Devotion, I've considered doing that  I just felt kind of bad about it, seemed to me as having a "backup girl". Good one, though.


----------



## Murmel

I hate being in love.

herpaderp..


----------



## Devotion

@underthesign

Nice women don't grow on trees. 

See it his way:
Your harddrive doesn't complain if you have a backup, just don't connect both to eachother, or shit gets real. Because then when you loose one, the lther one is gone too.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Nice metaphors there!
I guess I'm just a bit of a morals guy at times. I'll keep your advice in mind, though!

The girl in England skyped me today and we were all good again. We talked about looking forward to finally seeing eachother again and all, so I'm really curious how this is going to work out.


----------



## caskettheclown

If any more of her exes text her saying they are horny and want her back.


I will kill them. FUCKING MURDER THEM.


Actually we are verrrry close to filing sexual harassment and restraining order charges....


----------



## Devotion

@ underthesign

I wish you the best, and there is nothing wrong with being honest, a man gotta do what a man thinks he is ought to do! Keep us posted. Ga ervoor!

@ caskettheclown

Kill 'em with a rock.



Seriously, or beat the living shit out of them, or sue their asses off. 

Another option is posting their numbers on a board that starts with a number between 3 and 5 and ends with something chinese sounding. Post e-mail adresses too, certain programs can send 100's at a time to the same adress...

Be creative.


----------



## caskettheclown

Devotion said:


> @ underthesign
> 
> I wish you the best, and there is nothing wrong with being honest, a man gotta do what a man thinks he is ought to do! Keep us posted. Ga ervoor!
> 
> @ caskettheclown
> 
> Kill 'em with a rock.
> 
> 
> 
> Seriously, or beat the living shit out of them, or sue their asses off.
> 
> Another option is posting their numbers on a board that starts with a number between 3 and 5 and ends with something chinese sounding. Post e-mail adresses too, certain programs can send 100's at a time to the same adress...
> 
> Be creative.



I've got about 3 people who have it coming to them. When I see them I will grab a hammer and go to town.

Only thing is about that is when i'm that pissed offf, I won't stop. I'll black out and more than once someone has pulled me off of someone cause they where almost dead.

So its very tempting but I don't wanna go to jail for murder.

I've don'e the "if you hate them, post their contact info" threads before and its hit and miss.


----------



## Devotion

The e-mail thing could be arranged from my side  but i think discussing this further would qualify as not really encouraged on this site, so for firther online-life-destroying-brainstorming, my PM is open (although i'm starting to fall asleepzzz).
They aren't worth the jailtime, trust me.

To contribute to this thread:

I'm single and happy. Although someone to hug is always welcome, I'm staying single foe a while. My last relation lasted 1 year and that was it for me, and I'm not ready for something serious at my age.


----------



## redskyharbor

All hail redsky, for he is King of the Friend Zone.


----------



## Devotion

redskyharbor said:


> All hail redsky, for he is King of the Friend Zone.





sorry to hear man (if you don't like it, otherwise, long live the king!)


----------



## redskyharbor

Devotion said:


> sorry to hear man (if you don't like it, otherwise, long live the king!)



It sucks and I hate it man, I really do.


----------



## Devotion

redskyharbor said:


> It sucks and I hate it man, I really do.



Then one thing only can be done.

Live up to your sig, for thou are not worthy of it otherwise.


----------



## redskyharbor

Devotion said:


> Then one thing only can be done.
> 
> Live up to your sig, for thou are not worthy of it otherwise.



If only it was that easy dude, if only. I missed all the shots I took, and I'm all outta rocks.


----------



## Devotion

redskyharbor said:


> If only it was that easy dude, if only. I missed all the shots I took, and I'm all outta rocks.



Start a mine


----------



## redskyharbor

It's a pretty niche market so I think I might set up a rock custom shop. Specify some sizes/shapes, methods of bludgeoning and levels of trim you guys would be interested in. My concept is that you can all kill it/him/her with your own custom rocks, at a very affordable price.


----------



## highlordmugfug

caskettheclown said:


> If any more of her exes text her saying they are horny and want her back.
> 
> 
> I will kill them. FUCKING MURDER THEM.
> 
> 
> Actually we are verrrry close to filing sexual harassment and restraining order charges....


Very close to filing them?!
Fuck that, file them right the fuck now.


----------



## BucketheadRules

redskyharbor said:


> It's a pretty niche market so I think I might set up a rock custom shop. Specify some sizes/shapes, methods of bludgeoning and levels of trim you guys would be interested in. My concept is that you can all kill it/him/her with your own custom rocks, at a very affordable price.



I prefer flint as my bludgeoning material of choice. Do you have Brazilian flint? It has to be Brazilian, just feels better and it's lighter, looks good too.

And it generates the most harmonious screams from the victim.

But I'd feel bad beating someone to death with something that's not been ethically produced. 
Make sure it's sustainable, fair-trade Brazilian weapons-grade flint.

Potential murderers care about the environment too, you know.


----------



## redskyharbor

BucketheadRules said:


> I prefer flint as my bludgeoning material of choice. Do you have Brazilian flint? It has to be Brazilian, just feels better and it's lighter, looks good too.
> 
> And it generates the most harmonious screams from the victim.
> 
> But I'd feel bad beating someone to death with something that's not been ethically produced.
> Make sure it's sustainable, fair-trade Brazilian weapons-grade flint.
> 
> Potential murderers care about the environment too, you know.



Brazilian flint is no problem, and I could easily bookmatch the surfaces to a pair if you prefer to duel wield your rocks of choice, it just depends on the finish. Pre-bloodsplattered finishes cost a bit extra. The only drawback with Brazilian is that it tends to spark very easily, which could set fire to you or the victim, though if that's the kind of thing you're looking for then it shouldn't be an issue. It is a rare specimen of flint though, now illegal because of it's overly flammable properties, but I can guarantee it was ethically produced using only the finest rage/anguish-fuelled labor. The only byproduct of the building process is hours of staring into space, a lost (or gained) appetite and the smell of masturbation and shame.


----------



## wannabguitarist

I remember back when I joined ss.org there was a huge thread where everyone posted pictures of their supposed hot girlfriends/wives/harem. Now we have this


----------



## 13point9

SS.org ruins lives.


----------



## Kidneythief

Well...my future workplace called, and told me that I can start on Monday, and I have taken their offer.
Why post this in here?
Because this means, that the nice and hot ladyfriend of mine can't come to visit me. 
I just can hope that she understands that the fact that I finally got a job is slightly more important then having her come down here. I know I know sounds stupid, but I was "afraid" to pass the opportunity to finally get a job :/


----------



## leandroab

Brazilian flints > women


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Brazilian women > flints


----------



## MFB

wannabguitarist said:


> I remember back when I joined ss.org there was a huge thread where everyone posted pictures of their supposed hot girlfriends/wives/harem. Now we have this



And I remember when I joined, I found that thread and looked it over with great envy


----------



## Murmel

JeffFromMtl said:


> Brazilian women > flints



You can kill as many women as you like. Just stay the fuck away from Sweden because we have the finest collection in the world


----------



## highlordmugfug

Get that bitch a bunker buster





Bitches love bunker busters.


----------



## Randy

wannabguitarist said:


> I remember back when I joined ss.org there was a huge thread where everyone posted pictures of their supposed hot girlfriends/wives/harem. Now we have this



Yeah, that was fun for a little while. I could get into all the reason why it ended up being a horrible idea but suffice to say, there's good reason it's not here anymore.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Murmel said:


> You can kill as many women as you like. Just stay the fuck away from Sweden because we have the finest collection in the world



I'm not killing any women. I was disagreeing with Leandro, who is taking flints over women. Flints to _kill_ women with 

Edit: I just noticed "Portuguese Breakfast" and "Turkish Snowcone" in the tags


----------



## wannabguitarist

Randy said:


> Yeah, that was fun for a little while. I could get into all the reason why it ended up being a horrible idea but suffice to say, there's good reason it's not here anymore.



Oh I'm not complaining about it being gone; I mean it was kinda creepy


----------



## leandroab

Murmel said:


> You can kill as many women as you like. Just stay the fuck away from Sweden because we have the finest collection in the world



I call bullshit on this one


----------



## Murmel

leandroab said:


> I call bullshit on this one


I call truth. I was never that big into hispanics anyway 
Japanese and Swedes


----------



## leandroab

Murmel said:


> I call truth. I was never that big into hispanics anyway
> Japanese and Swedes



Oh shit, I totally misread what you said...

I fucking agree with you 100% hahahah 

Swedes


----------



## WickedSymphony

Murmel said:


> Japanese and Swedes


----------



## Winspear

To put it quite simply rather than writing an essay;

How on earth does anyone find time for a full time job+travel, sleep, eating/showering etc, a small time hobby, a relationship AND music? 

I'm seriously starting to think I need to choose between the two (and the answer is obvious)


----------



## wannabguitarist

EtherealEntity said:


> To put it quite simply rather than writing an essay;
> 
> How on earth does anyone find time for a full time job+travel, sleep, eating/showering etc, a small time hobby, a relationship AND music?
> 
> I'm seriously starting to think I need to choose between the two (and the answer is obvious)



Luck, finding the right girl, and understanding that sacrifices have to be made


----------



## Guitarmiester

wannabguitarist said:


> I remember back when I joined ss.org there was a huge thread where everyone posted pictures of their supposed hot girlfriends/wives/harem. Now we have this



There's a thread like that on every forum and every other forum member says they're with a model. You can easily ignore the url in the bottom corner of the pictures they post, but you can't ignore the guy who posts an actual pic of his girl that's been graced by the presence of an ugly stick.


----------



## Gamma362

there is this mad cute girl that i keep seeing around the student center at my college, ive been too much of a little bitch to go talk to her, was pretty much sitting next to her today and still didnt try talking to her. I have now made up my mind that i will talk to her tomorrow no matter what, im talking to her. have one week left in the semester so this is gonna be one of my last chances to do it and i will take that chance.


----------



## leandroab

Gamma362 said:


> there is this mad cute girl that i keep seeing around the student center at my college, ive been too much of a little bitch to go talk to her, was pretty much sitting next to her today and still didnt try talking to her. I have now made up my mind that i will talk to her tomorrow no matter what, im talking to her. have one week left in the semester so this is gonna be one of my last chances to do it and i will take that chance.



"o hai I have a boyfriend, bai!"

That's what usually happens with me. 

Good luck!


----------



## Gamma362

leandroab said:


> "o hai I have a boyfriend, bai!"
> 
> That's what usually happens with me.
> 
> Good luck!



thanks man, im worried thats whats gonna happen though lol


----------



## -42-

Gamma362 said:


> there is this mad cute girl that i keep seeing around the student center at my college, ive been too much of a little bitch to go talk to her, was pretty much sitting next to her today and still didnt try talking to her. I have now made up my mind that i will talk to her tomorrow no matter what, im talking to her. have one week left in the semester so this is gonna be one of my last chances to do it and i will take that chance.



Protip: Say "Hi."

The cleverer you attempt to be while uncomfortable, the more of a douchebag you turn into.


----------



## leandroab

I cried for 5 seconds while watching the last 15 min of Senna Beyond The Speed of Sound.

I mean, tears rolled down my cheeks. But it helps I am drunk right now. Wow..

That's my emotional moment of the week... Move on


----------



## Gamma362

-42- said:


> Protip: Say "Hi."
> 
> The cleverer you attempt to be while uncomfortable, the more of a douchebag you turn into.


thanks for the advice, and i already know to say hi lol, i had no intention to try to be clever


----------



## Winspear

I feel about 13 years old posting this 

This is like, the 5th time this has happened now.
I'm away at university. My girlfriend likes to talk online and usually phones me in bed each night too.
We've been talking on here pretty much all day. I was about to go to bed and she wasn't. I said goodnight and she asks me to stay up another hour. Simply put, I said I was definately off to bed, and she goes off on one.
Apparently, it's not much to ask that I stay up another hour. No, it's not - but it's not much to ask to say goodnight and hear goodnight as a reply either, is it? 
She thinks I'm in the wrong for the rare occasion that I decide not to stay up until she goes to bed so that she can phone me. If that's the case, then surely she's in the wrong for making me stay up when she knows I want to go to bed!
I explained this to her and told her that neither of us are actually in the wrong because saying goodnight is a complete fucking non-issue. Nothing to be discussed. Just say goodnight and continue with our pathetic lives.

Is this real life!? I hope not 

Am I an asshole? You decide.


----------



## soliloquy

EtherealEntity said:


> I feel about 13 years old posting this
> 
> This is like, the 5th time this has happened now.
> I'm away at university. My girlfriend likes to talk online and usually phones me in bed each night too.
> We've been talking on here pretty much all day. I was about to go to bed and she wasn't. I said goodnight and she asks me to stay up another hour. Simply put, I said I was definately off to bed, and she goes off on one.
> Apparently, it's not much to ask that I stay up another hour. No, it's not - but it's not much to ask to say goodnight and hear goodnight as a reply either, is it?
> She thinks I'm in the wrong for the rare occasion that I decide not to stay up until she goes to bed so that she can phone me. If that's the case, then surely she's in the wrong for making me stay up when she knows I want to go to bed!
> I explained this to her and told her that neither of us are actually in the wrong because saying goodnight is a complete fucking non-issue. Nothing to be discussed. Just say goodnight and continue with our pathetic lives.
> 
> Is this real life!? I hope not
> 
> Am I an asshole? You decide.



women and men live on different timings. men actually use up all 24 hours of their day, and sleep accordingly. women on the other hand have a slightly longer day in terms of their cycle. i think their day technically is 25 or something hours long. so while they bitch and moan over the phone, you should sleep as there is no end to their bitchiness! 

and you're not alone. my gf sometimes wants the same thing, to stay up at talk. she HATES phones, and i hate phones just as much as her....but she still wants to talk sometimes :S


----------



## powerofze

EtherealEntity said:


> I feel about 13 years old posting this
> 
> This is like, the 5th time this has happened now.
> I'm away at university. My girlfriend likes to talk online and usually phones me in bed each night too.
> We've been talking on here pretty much all day. I was about to go to bed and she wasn't. I said goodnight and she asks me to stay up another hour. Simply put, I said I was definately off to bed, and she goes off on one.
> Apparently, it's not much to ask that I stay up another hour. No, it's not - but it's not much to ask to say goodnight and hear goodnight as a reply either, is it?
> She thinks I'm in the wrong for the rare occasion that I decide not to stay up until she goes to bed so that she can phone me. If that's the case, then surely she's in the wrong for making me stay up when she knows I want to go to bed!
> I explained this to her and told her that neither of us are actually in the wrong because saying goodnight is a complete fucking non-issue. Nothing to be discussed. Just say goodnight and continue with our pathetic lives.
> 
> Is this real life!? I hope not
> 
> Am I an asshole? You decide.


You are not an asshole. However, there was no need to discuss it with her (at length) after the incident occurred.


----------



## Winspear

^ Haha, no, absolutely not! As soon as I said I was going she started telling me how I need to make sacrifices now and then


----------



## powerofze

Just remember, women SAY what they THINK, but they DO what they FEEL. Hence why they make little sense most of the times (they think a lot differently than they feel).


----------



## Murmel

I guess this weekend is like cursed of something, 2 of my friends became single


----------



## Prydogga

Emotions and my brain almost completely detract enjoyment from what would normally be an amazing time. I'll have to see how things play out with such a good girl...


----------



## Murmel

Prydogga said:


> Emotions and my brain almost completely detract enjoyment from what would normally be an amazing time. I'll have to see how things play out with such a good girl...


I have the same thing man. It's really strange. Hell, I can't even type it out in English without having it sound like gibberish. 

We'll see if it happens tonight... Going to a show and there will be lots of hanging out, etc and the girl I've been into for like 6 months is there. I meet her almost every day so it's nothing strange really. It's like I think about her and my emotions too much so that everything just becomes more dull... 

Fuckin' brains, how do they work?


----------



## vampiregenocide

Women are like sharks: unpredictable. However, when a shark fucks up your day you can be god damn sure it was your fault.


----------



## flo

Murmel said:


> Fuckin' brains, how do they work?



They don't, it's a common misunderstanding 
When you're in love your brain gets drugged with hormones and you do all kinds of stupid things.
Hormones... I hate those little bastards!


----------



## Prydogga

It's not about me messing up around a woman, it's about us having a really good and rememberable time, then me over thinking things the minute she says goodbye and ruining my good mood, my brain just likes to travel too fast for mento cope, and inalmost instantly create bad scenarios that make me feel scared about the relationship...


----------



## Murmel

^
Exactly the same for me. I don't necessarily fuck up, it happens occasionally just like for everyone.
I create bad scenarios in my head all the time, which just brings you down totally


----------



## caskettheclown

Prydogga said:


> It's not about me messing up around a woman, it's about us having a really good and rememberable time, then me over thinking things the minute she says goodbye and ruining my good mood, my brain just likes to travel too fast for mento cope, and inalmost instantly create bad scenarios that make me feel scared about the relationship...




I know that feeling wayyyy to well my friend.


All you can do is force yourself to think realistically.


----------



## Prydogga

caskettheclown said:


> I know that feeling wayyyy to well my friend.
> 
> 
> All you can do is force yourself to think realistically.



That's what I do, in my opinion. Or at least how I think of it at the time.

The scenario I had imagined for what happened a few days ago was EXACTLY how I'd planned it, which was great. But after that, I felt negatively about it all, I guess it comes down to my own self-confidence.


----------



## Murmel

Pry, I would give you so many man-hugs if you were here right now, I'm still amazed that we feel almost exactly the same


----------



## leandroab

Slut friend is single again! 


But this one girl I was really into.. I just found out she has a boyfriend.. FML

Fucking life...


----------



## BrainArt

leandroab said:


> Slut friend is single again!
> 
> 
> But this one girl I was really into.. I just found out she has a boyfriend.. FML
> 
> Fucking life...



Do what Bear Grylls would do, Leandro. Kill him with a rock, then get with both chicks at the same time.


----------



## scottro202

This has probably already been asked, but here it goes:

Generally speaking, kissing on first date. Good or bad idea?


----------



## Devotion

scottro202 said:


> This has probably already been asked, but here it goes:
> 
> Generally speaking, kissing on first date. Good or bad idea?



Good if 99% of your first dates are also the last, otherwise, if it is you, then do it. Don't pretend like you want to wait or you want it already then, it's not you. Be yourszlf.


----------



## renzoip

leandroab said:


> Slut friend is single again!
> 
> 
> But this one girl I was really into.. I just found out she has a boyfriend.. FML
> 
> Fucking life...




Bang slut friend until the one girl you are into is single again.


----------



## UnderTheSign

renzoip said:


> Bang slut friend until the one girl you are into is single again.


Quoted for future reference.

Actually, 9 more days and *that girl I've been mentioning all the time* comes back. Time for some dates!


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Advice time.

I just took a girl on a date today. I have to say I honestly had a great time. We were engaged in conversation the whole time and my sense of humor was on fire. This was just the first date tough.

See, I kinda like this girl. Whats a good way to show that?

I'm retarded when it comes to this sort of thing. Enlighten me.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

everytime I hang out with this girl (going on our 3rd time) she brings her one friend. Does this mean Im friend zoned? Shes inexperienced if it matters.

Edit:




scottro202 said:


> This has probably already been asked, but here it goes:
> 
> Generally speaking, kissing on first date. Good or bad idea?




depends how many dudes shes kissed. If its like 0-1 no. Unless she kissed that one dude a ton. If its a bunch, go in for it.


----------



## AcousticMinja

Yeah and then the girl I dated decides to pretend she killed herself, so she can go with this other loser she cheated on me with. Whom she also claimed she didn't like and the only reason she wanted to be with him is because he was friends with her ex best friend that passed away...all honesty, thats BS! She even lied to my face about this guy and totally just pretended they were just friends until I found out. At which point she told me the former. UGH. All she did was lie to me and lead me on until this point. So she ignores me in every single way possible, and makes sure her friends dont say anything to me. She's stupid, because her facebook was being updated. Oh I forgot to mention, she deleted me. Oh and also, she claims I'm her "best friend ever" 



So much rage and other complicated feelings. I don't know what to think...one minute, I think she's dead, the other, shes just ignoring me...


----------



## Varcolac

BrainArt said:


> Do what Bear Grylls would do, Leandro. Kill him with a rock, then get with both chicks at the same time.



Then drink your own piss.



scottro202 said:


> This has probably already been asked, but here it goes:
> 
> Generally speaking, kissing on first date. Good or bad idea?



How old are you? There's not really a "generally speaking" - if it went awesome and you both can't wait to see each other again, then stick your goddamn tongue down her throat. If you're both boring each other to death and can't wait to leave, I'd leave off on the tonsil-hockey.


----------



## BrainArt

Varcolac said:


> Then drink your own piss.



Yes. I forgot this.


----------



## flo

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Advice time.
> 
> I just took a girl on a date today. I have to say I honestly had a great time. We were engaged in conversation the whole time and my sense of humor was on fire. This was just the first date tough.
> 
> See, I kinda like this girl. Whats a good way to show that?
> 
> I'm retarded when it comes to this sort of thing. Enlighten me.




well, take her on more dates of cause!

And when it feels right, kiss her and she'll know 
But don't rush things, just go with the flow, do what feels natural and if your chemistry is right, one thing will lead to another.
Make compliments, touch her, eye contact, laugh together, hug just a little longer than necessary... you get the idea


----------



## glassmoon0fo

AcousticMinja said:


> Yeah and then the girl I dated decides to pretend she killed herself, so she can go with this other loser she cheated on me with. Whom she also claimed she didn't like and the only reason she wanted to be with him is because he was friends with her ex best friend that passed away...all honesty, thats BS! She even lied to my face about this guy and totally just pretended they were just friends until I found out. At which point she told me the former. UGH. All she did was lie to me and lead me on until this point. So she ignores me in every single way possible, and makes sure her friends dont say anything to me. She's stupid, because her facebook was being updated. Oh I forgot to mention, she deleted me. Oh and also, she claims I'm her "best friend ever"
> 
> 
> 
> So much rage and other complicated feelings. I don't know what to think...one minute, I think she's dead, the other, shes just ignoring me...


 
FUCK. THAT. bitches be trippin dude. yeah it sucks that you got dumped on, but dont dwell on the fact that a shitty person was shitty to you. take the hurt you feel, weigh it against the lesson you learned (whatever that may be...be honest with yourself, youll know what it is), and i think you'll always find that the lesson is a bargain. go get your shit straight, dont worry about girls for a while, and when you're firing on all cylinders you can really make her feel like shit by not even caring about her immature cheating lying bitch-ass. 

remember, young padoin: the best revenge is to live well.  good luck mate.


----------



## -42-

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Advice time.
> 
> I just took a girl on a date today. I have to say I honestly had a great time. We were engaged in conversation the whole time and my sense of humor was on fire. This was just the first date tough.
> 
> See, I kinda like this girl. Whats a good way to show that?
> 
> I'm retarded when it comes to this sort of thing. Enlighten me.



Generally when you like a girl you date her.

Then you put your penis in her.


----------



## BucketheadRules

-42- said:


> Generally when you like a girl you date her.
> 
> Then you put your penis in her.





Reply #2000.


----------



## TheGraySlayer

Single as of yesterday. Bitch was cheating on me from day 3.
I nailed the hubby in the nose with a medicine ball in gym.


----------



## BucketheadRules

TheGraySlayer said:


> Single as of yesterday. Bitch was cheating on me from day 3.
> I nailed the hubby in the nose with a medicine ball in gym.



That sucks.

Good on ya for the second part


----------



## redskyharbor

TheGraySlayer said:


> Single as of yesterday. Bitch was cheating on me from day 3.
> I nailed the hubby in the nose with a medicine ball in gym.



If the rock don't work, we now have an alternative.


----------



## powerofze

You guys just need to cut off all contact with females for a good two weeks. If they text you and shit, just reply after the two week period is over. When they ask shit about why you havent replied etc. just continue as if you didn't do anything wrong etc.


----------



## scottro202

So, I started dating (I guess that's the right term) this girl. We went on our first date last weekend, everything went great. We're going on another date this Friday night. This Saturday night, she's got prom. She's going with her drummer, who's also her ex boyfriend. She insists to me that they're just friends, but, well, as ya'll can imagine, I'm not sure I really believe that.

She seems to like me, she texts/IMs me almost everyday, and we often stay up until 11:30 to midnight talking. So, the interest and chemistry is definitely there. I'm just worried that she's gonna go back to her ex. They're already going to prom together, this was planned before I was in the picture, so not much I can do about it now. We're going out the night before, so maybe something I can do/say to make sure she doesn't run off back to her ex? 

What should I do guys? Obviously I don't want her going back to her ex, but, since we're not boyfriend/girlfriend right now, I guess there's not all that much I can do.


----------



## leandroab

scottro202 said:


> So, I started dating (I guess that's the right term) this girl. We went on our first date last weekend, everything went great. We're going on another date this Friday night. This Saturday night, she's got prom. She's going with her drummer, who's also her ex boyfriend. She insists to me that they're just friends, but, well, as ya'll can imagine, I'm not sure I really believe that.
> 
> She seems to like me, she texts/IMs me almost everyday, and we often stay up until 11:30 to midnight talking. So, the interest and chemistry is definitely there. I'm just worried that she's gonna go back to her ex. They're already going to prom together, this was planned before I was in the picture, so not much I can do about it now. We're going out the night before, so maybe something I can do/say to make sure she doesn't run off back to her ex?
> 
> What should I do guys? Obviously I don't want her going back to her ex, but, since we're not boyfriend/girlfriend right now, I guess there's not all that much I can do.



"See this rock? I will kill you with it if you have sex with your ex. And bitch, that fucking rhymed."


----------



## PyramidSmasher

I just started hanging with a girl recently, 3 times so far, all in a group setting, but we text a ton.

FRIEND ZONE ALREADY? :O I have no idea if I am.


----------



## powerofze

PyramidSmasher said:


> I just started hanging with a girl recently, 3 times so far, all in a group setting, but we text a ton.
> 
> FRIEND ZONE ALREADY? :O I have no idea if I am.


The fuck bro, if she brings a friend the first time, be ready to show her the door. Make your intentions clear. 

Who the fuck brings friends to such events


----------



## PyramidSmasher

powerofze said:


> The fuck bro, if she brings a friend the first time, be ready to show her the door. Make your intentions clear.
> 
> Who the fuck brings friends to such events



Right?! Though she may just be shy or inept, shes only gotten with one guy before (and she had friends over besides him then.)


----------



## powerofze

PyramidSmasher said:


> Right?! Though she may just be shy or inept, shes only gotten with one guy before (and she had friends over besides him then.)


you wonder why the guy before left her eh? haha


----------



## PyramidSmasher

powerofze said:


> you wonder why the guy before left her eh? haha



 you are a man of great testicular fortitude


----------



## powerofze

PyramidSmasher said:


> you are a man of great testicular fortitude


But I like how you have a new date every other day. Seems like you are an approach machine


----------



## PyramidSmasher

powerofze said:


> But I like how you have a new date every other day. Seems like you are an approach machine



It's only actually worked out like 20% of the time, and usually with the psycho ones. My problem is I do way to much presuming/overanalyzing about the girls actions due to paranoia of being friend zoned and I get a little weird. Though I will say the girls I get to the first date with get hotter each time. Though Im kind of running out of them at this point.

Thank God Im going off to college


----------



## powerofze

PyramidSmasher said:


> It's only actually worked out like 20% of the time, and usually with the psycho ones. My problem is I do way to much presuming/overanalyzing about the girls actions due to paranoia of being friend zoned and I get a little weird. Though I will say the girls I get to the first date with get hotter each time. Though Im kind of running out of them at this point.
> 
> Thank God Im going off to college


20% is better than 0%. Some guys don't have the cohones to get something going at all.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Heheh, what a great bit of reading.

Reading this stuff has revealed to me that I am (or at least I am becoming) a bitter old man.

I know a gentleman with the words "TRUST NO BITCH" tattooed backward on his throat in a German script. If I had met him ten years ago, I would have laughed it off and ridiculed him. But now...well, when I met him I looked at it for a second, nodded in agreement, and shook the man's hand. I meant to ask him to tell me the story that inspired it, but I forgot. Having been married and divorced, I believe I have a pretty good idea.


----------



## TheGraySlayer

Okay I got one, how do I approach this girl I like that constantly hangs around the ex? She's hotter, smarter, and has more developed social skills.
(She's not like the ex as far as I know)


----------



## powerofze

TheGraySlayer said:


> Okay I got one, how do I approach this girl I like that constantly hangs around the ex? She's hotter, smarter, and has more developed social skills.
> (She's not like the ex as far as I know)


Go for another girl. If she hangs around her ex, means there's still something between the two and therefore even if you are dating her, she will get all insecure about her ex and all that bs. Quite obviously the shit that you want to avoid.


----------



## soliloquy

TheGraySlayer said:


> Okay I got one, how do I approach this girl I like that constantly hangs around the ex? She's hotter, smarter, and has more developed social skills.
> (She's not like the ex as far as I know)



kill her with a rock
and then never come back.

you're better off without her. or you could turn the tables on her and put her in the 'friend zone'. yes, i know a few guys that put their female friend in the 'friend' zone or worse yet, 'sister zone'. kinda like 'yeah, shes like a sister to me!' that may piss her off IF she has even the slightest thing for you

but i'm in a similar situation. i've been going out with my girlfriend for over 3 years. she doesn't talk about her ex at all, other than how big a deuce he was. she seems him from time to time for like 5 minutes here and there, only to come back saying 'hes such a deuce!' and i told her that i personally wont interfere in her relationship with him until a) the situation gets out of hand, or b) if she asks me to interfere. my thought is that shes an adult, she can handle herself etc...however, what gets my blood boiling is that ever time he talks to her, he ends up making her cry. for about 2 and a half years, i sat in the background saying 'shes got this' but then he struck a nerve when she came back asking me if shes a whore coz thats what he called her. i finally stepped in, saying 'dont you dare talk to him again! that was the last straw, and even if he apologizes, you dont go back!' she agreed. however, just a month after, they are texting each other again. 

she's not cheating on me, i know that. but its just beyond me why she keeps talking to him if he keeps hurting her even AFTER their relationship expired WELL OVER 4 YEARS AGO!


----------



## cwhitey2

PyramidSmasher said:


> Right?! *Though she may just be shy or inept*, shes only gotten with one guy before (and she had friends over besides him then.)



False the girl i just started seeing is the quitest girl i have ever seen....except when shes around me  we were sitting on my couch talking, and my roommate walked in sat in a chair, then she was silent the entire time he was there. as soon as he left the room she started talking again. 


before i asked her out we never even talked...just stared at each other  haha (i work with her, but at the other end of the building). 


we went out for ice cream last night and then proceeded to drive around for 1 1/2 hours and all we did was talk. 

if shes into you SHE will talk ALL night


----------



## avenger

"trust no bitch" is hard to live by.

I think I found a good one this time been "dating" for bout 5 months now, with a 2-3 month bang period before then. I trust her more then I have ever trusted a women which is odd because my last one was such a cheating cunt that I thought I would be jaded forever.

Or perhaps I am a softie.


----------



## TheGraySlayer

soliloquy said:


> kill her with a rock
> and then never come back.
> 
> you're better off without her. or you could turn the tables on her and put her in the 'friend zone'. yes, i know a few guys that put their female friend in the 'friend' zone or worse yet, 'sister zone'. kinda like 'yeah, shes like a sister to me!' that may piss her off IF she has even the slightest thing for you
> 
> but i'm in a similar situation. i've been going out with my girlfriend for over 3 years. she doesn't talk about her ex at all, other than how big a deuce he was. she seems him from time to time for like 5 minutes here and there, only to come back saying 'hes such a deuce!' and i told her that i personally wont interfere in her relationship with him until a) the situation gets out of hand, or b) if she asks me to interfere. my thought is that shes an adult, she can handle herself etc...however, what gets my blood boiling is that ever time he talks to her, he ends up making her cry. for about 2 and a half years, i sat in the background saying 'shes got this' but then he struck a nerve when she came back asking me if shes a whore coz thats what he called her. i finally stepped in, saying 'dont you dare talk to him again! that was the last straw, and even if he apologizes, you dont go back!' she agreed. however, just a month after, they are texting each other again.
> 
> she's not cheating on me, i know that. but its just beyond me why she keeps talking to him if he keeps hurting her even AFTER their relationship expired WELL OVER 4 YEARS AGO!


 
Nah, I meant she hangs out with MY ex.


----------



## cwhitey2

avenger said:


> "trust no bitch" is hard to live by.
> 
> I think I found a good one this time been "dating" for bout 5 months now, with a 2-3 month bang period before then. I trust her more then I have ever trusted a women which is odd because my last one was such a cheating cunt that I thought I would be jaded forever.
> 
> Or perhaps I am a softie.



not all of them are cunts  a lot are but there are a few nice ones


----------



## Murmel

TheGraySlayer said:


> Nah, I meant she hangs out with MY ex.



That might fuck up your ex and her's friendship. Around here, it's generally frowned upon dating a good friend of your ex.


----------



## avenger

Murmel said:


> That might fuck up your ex and her's friendship. Around here, it's generally frowned upon dating a good friend of your ex.


 but its so rewarding


----------



## TheGraySlayer

Ain't it 
And it's not like their friends, it's just that bitch is always around when I try to make my move, and it's awkward...
This chick even said she thought what my ex did was wrong.


----------



## Varcolac

powerofze said:


> Go for another girl. If she hangs around her ex, means there's still something between the two and therefore even if you are dating her, she will get all insecure about her ex and all that bs. Quite obviously the shit that you want to avoid.



I read that as hanging out with _his_ ex. If that's the case, social situations would be a better bet. If there's more people around talking and interacting you'll be able to drag her away from your ex. 

Either that or drink your own piss. Er, wait, uh... kill her with a medicine ball?


----------



## powerofze

TheGraySlayer said:


> Ain't it
> And it's not like their friends, it's just that bitch is always around when I try to make my move, and it's awkward...
> This chick even said she thought what my ex did was wrong.


wow im an idiot haha. You should just go for it bro, don't give a shit about your ex. If anything its gonna get her gina tingling and feel attraction for you again.


----------



## TheGraySlayer

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit 
I don't want that gina any more 
She always came too early and fuckin made me stop.
Wait, why was she cheating on me?


----------



## Murmel

It seems like 'happy' break-ups don't exist around here 
All of my friends who got single recently ended it on good terms with their ex.


----------



## powerofze

TheGraySlayer said:


> Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
> I don't want that gina any more
> She always came too early and fuckin made me stop.
> Wait, why was she cheating on me?


Lemme guess, too much providin?


----------



## TheGraySlayer

I guess.
Bullshit.
The oxford dictionary of medical terms ain't got shit on this bitch's instruction manual


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

flo said:


> well, take her on more dates of cause!
> 
> And when it feels right, kiss her and she'll know
> But don't rush things, just go with the flow, do what feels natural and if your chemistry is right, one thing will lead to another.
> Make compliments, touch her, eye contact, laugh together, hug just a little longer than necessary... you get the idea




Actually I dont really get the idea. I've never done this before.

21 and never had a girlfriend. Ha!

The weird thing with me is how uncomfortable touching people makes me. Its bad. I even shy away from shaking people's hands. Any physical contact I make is forced and awkward. Not even with girls, but with everyone. My sisters even say I hug "wrong". I've even pushed family member away when unexpectedly hugged and such. Its like nails on a chalkboard to me.

Yeah. I'm a nutcase. Foreveralone.jpeg


----------



## powerofze

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Actually I dont really get the idea. I've never done this before.
> 
> 21 and never had a girlfriend. Ha!
> 
> The weird thing with me is how uncomfortable touching people makes me. Its bad. I even shy away from shaking people's hands. Any physical contact I make is forced and awkward. Not even with girls, but with everyone. My sisters even say I hug "wrong". I've even pushed family member away when unexpectedly hugged and such. Its like nails on a chalkboard to me.
> 
> Yeah. I'm a nutcase. Foreveralone.jpeg


Have you had bad experiences with you touching people or people touching you during childhood (ie. rape?).


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

powerofze said:


> Have you had bad experiences with you touching people or people touching you during childhood (ie. rape?).



Hell no. I had a fantastic childhood.

When I got past the age of being coddled by my parents (13ish maybe), I pretty much never touched people. I also got my first guitar around the same time and devoted my teenage years to learning to play music rather than have a social life. I really didnt open up socially till after high school. I figure that I'm going through now what everyone else goes through when theyre like 15.


----------



## neoclassical

Someone loan me two rocks. One for the wife, one for the girlfriend.


----------



## Murmel

neoclassical said:


> Someone loan me two rocks. One for the wife, one for the girlfriend.



You have both?


----------



## cwhitey2

Murmel said:


> You have both?



Someones jealous!


----------



## avenger

Murmel said:


> It seems like 'happy' break-ups don't exist around here
> All of my friends who got single recently ended it on good terms with their ex.


 "happy, lets still be friends" break ups are bullshit. It will always end in bitter hate.


----------



## Murmel

avenger said:


> "happy, lets still be friends" break ups are bullshit. It will always end in bitter hate.



I love how positive everyone on this forum is 
Oh well, I'm not gonna hinder anyone from thinking negatively. If one wants to live with hatred and anger, them I shall let him.


----------



## powerofze

Murmel said:


> I love how positive everyone on this forum is
> Oh well, I'm not gonna hinder anyone from thinking negatively. If one wants to live with hatred and anger, them I shall let him.


If you are a guy, you will string her along forever and keep her in the loop rather than cut the cord

but if the girl initiates breakup, you just say "thank god" and move onto vag #2


----------



## neoclassical

Murmel said:


> I love how positive everyone on this forum is
> Oh well, I'm not gonna hinder anyone from thinking negatively. If one wants to live with hatred and anger, them I shall let him.



Actually I did have one breakup that ended in one of my very best friends ever. She was there for me and I was there for her before and after our relationship like nobody else ever was. That was the ONLY one that ended like that probably because that what we were meant to be, just friends. She's truly like the sister I never had.


----------



## Devotion

To put my 2c into the happy breakup part:

I broke up with my girlfriend after almost exactly a year, 3 months ago.
Now, almost exactly 3 months later, she agreed to be my sexbuddy (ok not sex, but you get the point right? doing physical things).
She will always remain one of my best friends, and our physical relation was great, so why give it up?


----------



## UnderTheSign

leftyguitarjoe said:


> I figure that I'm going through now what everyone else goes through when theyre like 15.


Judging by your Facebook postings about alcohol and such.. Probably, yeah 

Really though Joe man, try and get used to it. Or not... Though a purely platonical relationship doesn't really appeal to me!


----------



## neoclassical

Murmel said:


> You have both?



yes and it's all hitting the fan. the girlfriend ripped my heart out and showed it to me and of course i was like yeah, come tour show tonight. i even bought her ticket and hung on her. i'm a fucking sucker. i got so drunk over this i could'nt play our set right, and had to ask if anyone knew how to tune my guitar.


----------



## tbb529

Ok ss.org... need some advice.

I'm turning 19 in about a week. I've had 2 relationships in my life, one of which doesn't count because it was for like a month in my freshman year of high school. My problem is that neither of them really started in conventional ways. I sorta stumbled into both of them (first one asked me out and the second one, i.e. the one that lasted a year and a half, we were set up by our friends). Because of this, I have no experience in the lead up to how you get to know a woman and therefore have no idea what to do.

I've been single for almost 2 years now, but there's a girl I recently met, and we share mutual friends. Essentially what I'm asking is how do you even get to know someone. Because of my unconventional relationships I've missed out on all the important stuff and I'm left standing here as a complete n00b.


----------



## powerofze

tbb529 said:


> Ok ss.org... need some advice.
> 
> I'm turning 19 in about a week. I've had 2 relationships in my life, one of which doesn't count because it was for like a month in my freshman year of high school. My problem is that neither of them really started in conventional ways. I sorta stumbled into both of them (first one asked me out and the second one, i.e. the one that lasted a year and a half, we were set up by our friends). Because of this, I have no experience in the lead up to how you get to know a woman and therefore have no idea what to do.
> 
> I've been single for almost 2 years now, but there's a girl I recently met, and we share mutual friends. Essentially what I'm asking is how do you even get to know someone. Because of my unconventional relationships I've missed out on all the important stuff and I'm left standing here as a complete n00b.


Go out for drinks, pretty easy hook up if you know what to do.

EDIT: Hook ups first = much quicker way of getting into a relationship whether you like it or not.


----------



## Winspear

Just stfuuuuu 

Needed to get that out there.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Well fuck, I think after 3 months of hard work and admitting liking eachother, I think I STILL just got friend zoned... Bitch has some explaining to do ASAP!

Time to start collectin' rocks...


----------



## Murmel

Argh, I don't know what the fuck I should do.. The girl I've been into for almost 6 months was way more approaching today than she usually is. We've been good friends for like 8-9 months, I don't think I can take being madly in love with her for much longer 
I've felt this a couple of times in the past too, last time was like a month ago.. Perhaps it's a signal that she wants me to make my fucking move?


----------



## -42-

avenger said:


> "happy, lets still be friends" break ups are bullshit. It will always end in bitter hate.



Quite a few breakups end amiably, I'd give it a fifty-fifty split one way or the other.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Update: I manned the fuck up.

She called me out of the blue yesterday and said she had concert tickets to a festivel thing in New Jersey. We had a great time. I got to fucking see Apocalyptica. Master of Puppets on cellos. Holy fucking shit.

And yes, I made physical contact with her... the entire time.


----------



## JamesM

You didn't finish your story.

Where's the part where you killed her with a rock?


----------



## Varcolac

leftyguitarjoe said:


> And yes, I made physical contact with her... the entire time.



Giggidy. :quagmire:

Well done sir. Manning the fuck up is always the best option to take.


----------



## neoclassical

Murmel said:


> Argh, I don't know what the fuck I should do.. The girl I've been into for almost 6 months was way more approaching today than she usually is. We've been good friends for like 8-9 months, I don't think I can take being madly in love with her for much longer
> I've felt this a couple of times in the past too, last time was like a month ago.. Perhaps it's a signal that she wants me to make my fucking move?



Maybe it is time to make your move. Prepare yourself for disappointment just in case, but go for it. Even if she doesn't feel the same it feels better to let her know sometimes IMO.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Varcolac said:


> Giggidy. :quagmire:
> 
> Well done sir. Manning the fuck up is always the best option to take.



Im slowly making up for the time I didnt bang her in high school. I chickened out, she moved away for a few years, and as soon as she gets back she hits me up haha.

Except I dont just wanna bang. This girl is cool as shit. At the concert I dared her to go into a mosh pit and she just jumped in without hesitation and slammed a random dude into the ground.


----------



## Justin Bailey

Had a bit of a thing going with one girl for a while, but ruined it out of fear. Have a little crush on one girl, but I just don't know if it'd work, and I'm just too scared to try, she was a good friend in middle school and i just recently got back in touch with her, we basically have everything in common, shes cute, smart, and even more sarcastic than me. Oh and I also kind of have feeling for my lesbian friend, AND I still wish me and my ex would get back together.... jesus, just reading that makes me wanna start drinking again.


----------



## Murmel

neoclassical said:


> Maybe it is time to make your move. Prepare yourself for disappointment just in case, but go for it. Even if she doesn't feel the same it feels better to let her know sometimes IMO.



Exactly my thoughts man, I'm ready for disappointment, but it's just that it's been so long that I almost don't care what happens anymore 
Well, I do care but.. you get what I'm trying to say


----------



## UnderTheSign

Joe, I'm proud of ya son.


----------



## Arterial

I've never posted in this thread before but I wanted to get something off my chest.


I'm currently with my girlfriend for a year and 2 months now. Last night, I had a dream that I got back with one of my ex's, one who I had caught cheating on me and promptly dumped. I've been trying to....seek some further spiritual enlightenment and I felt that the best way I could start going about it was to be at peace with my ex's (many who I had broken up with on bad terms). 

When I went onto her page on facebook I started feeling scared on the inside and was shaking as I typed her a message saying that we needed to talk...

I'm still scared.


----------



## scottro202

You know your love life is good when you're borrowing Grand Theft Auto IV from a friend because you have a date coming over 

That is all


----------



## metal_sam14

scottro202 said:


> You know your love life is good when you're borrowing Grand Theft Auto IV from a friend because you have a date coming over
> 
> That is all



I think you are the envy of pretty much every man in this thread 

Good work brother!


----------



## scottro202

scottro202 said:


> You know your love life is good when you're borrowing Grand Theft Auto IV from a friend because you have a date coming over
> 
> That is all



This girl became my girlfriend today


----------



## MFB

scottro202 said:


> This girl became my girlfriend today



And I somewhat trolled your relation change


----------



## zakattak192

So, I'm 18, only ever had one relationship. I was super into her, and she was super cool (despite liking Twilight)... at first. We dated for exactly 3 months. I found out later that during those 3 months, she cheated on me (I'm pretty sure multiple times) with a black white supremacist with two lesbian moms (true story), because he gave her weed. She broke up with me on our 3 month "thing" because I was straight edge. The broke up with me the day after I took her to see all three Twilight films because that's what she liked.

I just really felt like venting about my enormous bitch of an ex girlfriend.

Now, fast forward a few months, and I start talking to this girl I've somewhat known for a few years. We get talking alot. We call eachother before bed and our texts escalate to "I love you"s and "I miss you so much"s and stuff. Now, aside from my bitch ex girlfriend, every girl I've ever liked has fucking friendzoned me. Hardcore. I got worried that I was getting led on, so I was talking to my singer about her, and he texted her asking if she liked me and got a reply to the effect of "No, Zak's my best friend. I could never have feeling like that for him."

Now, I really had strong feelings for her. I thought there was a chance I could get her to like me, so I asked her to my senior prom. Needless to say it fucking sucks. She tries to get me to dance, but at first I wasn't feelin' it. Then, when I started dancing, she refused to dance WITH me. So I was like fuck it. Then, at Post-prom, she ditches me for 3 hours to hang out with one of those "Look-how-much-music-theory-i-know" guys. You know, the guys who just spew random music theory terms to impress people. So I had like zero fun at prom, and I sat by myself at my post-prom for 3 hours.

Idk what the point of this post was, but I just felt like venting all my problems to people that might actually take the time to read it.

Now, I'm going to bed. Gotta rest up for Maryland Deathfest tomorrow


----------



## Yaris

So first time posting in this thread, but I'm taking a big step tomorrow. I heard that the girl I took to prom apparently likes me, so I'm asking her out tomorrow. It will be my first time so wish me luck . Never really had a girl into me so this is pretty exciting .


----------



## flo

Yaris said:


> So first time posting in this thread, but I'm taking a big step tomorrow. I heard that the girl I took to prom apparently likes me, so I'm asking her out tomorrow. It will be my first time so wish me luck . Never really had a girl into me so this is pretty exciting .



I wish you luck


----------



## ghostred7

Yaris said:


> So first time posting in this thread, but I'm taking a big step tomorrow. I heard that the girl I took to prom apparently likes me, so I'm asking her out tomorrow. It will be my first time so wish me luck . Never really had a girl into me so this is pretty exciting .


Good luck bro!!! Hope it works out for ya.

And YES, the "Lets be friends" thing after breakup can still work. I'm divorced and get along better with my ex now than I did when we were married. Would it be so if we didn't have kids...prolly not....but we do and her & I talk & hang out, sometimes even just for the hell of it.

My fiancee/gf/<insert title here> of 7 years doesn't matter. She rocks and is my world. We both like the same music, video games, costuming, etc...only arguements we've had lately is over which zombie map to play on CoD:BlOps LMAO. She's also the reason I didn't sell off all my shit when I was at peak "rut."

There's a reason I asked her to marry me


----------



## neoclassical

Rock applied to girlfriend and angry f*ck applied to wife. Time to find new girlfriend. Maybe "someone my age" would be less drama. (yea i know there's already enough with having a gf in the first place).


----------



## PyramidSmasher

I was way into this girl and nervous as fuck around her and stuff, and the SECOND she starts liking me back I just have ZERO interest in her.

This happens every time. EVERY time. Any idea why?


----------



## flo

PyramidSmasher said:


> I was way into this girl and nervous as fuck around her and stuff, and the SECOND she starts liking me back I just have ZERO interest in her.
> 
> This happens every time. EVERY time. Any idea why?




I have read something about that. It basically said that a man wants to impress a woman, and if he can't finish showing her everything that is important to him before she starts to show interest, he doesn't feel seen/valued to full degree.

For example, you're a musician, and it is important for you that she sees how unique and creative your style is, and she just doesn't give a crap about it and wants to be your gf anyway.

It might feel like she's an easy prey, you didn't have to give your best to get her, and she doesn't value what's important to you. 


Don't know if that answers your question, or makes any sense at all


----------



## Kidneythief

(Rant-like-something-sorry for the text)

Hmm...it has been more than 6 months now, that my love broke up with me and left my heart to become a small grey mass inside my body.

I got a job in the same city where she is going to University, but since I'm spending most of my time either travelling or working in the office I haven't met her.

Until today offcourse...I guess it is true. If you think about something for long enough it will come true.
And off-course the guy she has been seeing in the past 2,5 months was with here. And he is a fucking goblin. And a tool too. Effin toolshed. 
That guy is supposedly a hockey jock...well...he isn't that tall at all...flabbery, I would say a little fat, no signs of real actual muscles...and that face? Oh god kill it with fire please.
And this guy threatened to beat me up? LoL...I'd take him anyday...anywhere...anytime.


----------



## Devotion

Kidneythief said:


> LoL...I'd take him anyday...anywhere...anytime.



This sentence shows the importance of context.

Also, use a rock, boulder preferred, as goblins tend to like rocks to.


----------



## Yaris

Yaris said:


> So first time posting in this thread, but I'm taking a big step tomorrow. I heard that the girl I took to prom apparently likes me, so I'm asking her out tomorrow. It will be my first time so wish me luck . Never really had a girl into me so this is pretty exciting .




Here's an update:

GREAT SUCCESS! 

I'm a big boy now.


----------



## UnderTheSign

All I can say is doubts, doubts, doubts... Well fuck, if you had asked me this 2 weeks ago, I wouldn't have responded like this!


----------



## leandroab

Yaris said:


> Here's an update:
> 
> GREAT SUCCESS!
> 
> I'm a big boy now.



That means you had sex?


----------



## Yaris

leandroab said:


> That means you had sex?



No no the success was not THAT great lol, I just felt that it was significant that she said yes and seemed excited about it.


----------



## Murmel

Thinking about manning the fuck up this tuesday. We'll see how that goes..


----------



## WickedSymphony

Murmel said:


> Thinking about manning the fuck up this tuesday. We'll see how that goes..



Do it, dude! Good luck!


----------



## Yaris

So the date is scheduled for tomorrow night, and I can honestly say that I have never been so nervous/terrified


----------



## HaMMerHeD




----------



## flo

^ I guess he was allowed to spend as much money as he wanted on gear, right?


----------



## neoclassical

flo said:


> ^ I guess he was allowed to spend as much money as he wanted on gear, right?



Of course.


----------



## UnderTheSign

I don't see how anyone drinking Jack Daniels could be a happy man!


----------



## -42-

Justin Bailey said:


> Had a bit of a thing going with one girl for a while, but ruined it out of fear. Have a little crush on one girl, but I just don't know if it'd work, and I'm just too scared to try, she was a good friend in middle school and i just recently got back in touch with her, we basically have everything in common, shes cute, smart, and even more sarcastic than me. Oh and I also kind of have feeling for my lesbian friend, AND I still wish me and my ex would get back together.... jesus, just reading that makes me wanna start drinking again.



Don't ask out lesbians. Been there, done that, it was anticlimactic. Don't go for exes either, you just end up remembering why you two broke up in the first.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

UnderTheSign said:


> I don't see how anyone drinking Jack Daniels could be a happy man!



Yeah. I'm not a fan, personally.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

flo said:


> I have read something about that. It basically said that a man wants to impress a woman, and if he can't finish showing her everything that is important to him before she starts to show interest, he doesn't feel seen/valued to full degree.
> 
> For example, you're a musician, and it is important for you that she sees how unique and creative your style is, and she just doesn't give a crap about it and wants to be your gf anyway.
> 
> It might feel like she's an easy prey, you didn't have to give your best to get her, and she doesn't value what's important to you.
> 
> 
> Don't know if that answers your question, or makes any sense at all



Sounds like youre 100% right.


----------



## Randy

*Last night:*

Girlfriend: Ew... I can't believe you ever did anything with that one girl. She's so fat and disgusting

Me: It was in the past, it was a mistake. All I did was kiss her and even then, I was drunk. Besides, you've made mistakes. That one guy was a real winner.

Girlfriend: Yeah, but my mistakes were a few years ago. That girl was early this year. Ewww....

Me: Um, last I checked there were a couple guys you dated around that same time. I don't know them but I'd venture to guess they were no fine catch either. 

Girlfriend: Maybe not, but they weren't fat slobs. 

*change subject*

*This morning:*

Girlfriend: If you're going to band practice, I'm going into the city with my friends. *semi joking* 

Me: Go right ahead. You know to behave yourself or I'm giving you your walking papers. *semi joking*

Girlfriend: Go right ahead. You can go find yourself a new girlfriend... you know, like that fat, childish bitch.

Me: *pissed* Hey... have I ever showed you any of the other girls I've dated...? 

Girlfriend: ... *bewilderment* ... *indistinguishable rage-filled ranting about how insensitive I am and how I'm trying to say the other girls I've dated are better looking than her*


----------



## Murmel

Rocks, Randy.. Rocks.


----------



## Randy

Bringing up the past is always a mistake. 

She's being stupid, I called her bullshit but I really should've been the bigger person. A guy who knows his shit and keeps a cool head knows a girl rags on his exes because it's her way of controlling her self-consciousness. I went right for the jugular and now I've got to clean up the mess. Learn from my mistakes.

It might be annoying and insulting to hear it, but she's feeling a lot shittier to bring that stuff up than I am hearing it.


----------



## shredguitar7

simple solution for me really... im 24.. i skipped someone my age and went straight to a 33 yr old couger.. no more bullshit. and she fucks like a rabbit... i.e. 

me: hey babe..
her: yea ?
me: *snaps fingers to get on bed in doggystyle postion*
her: rawr
me: winning.....


----------



## Greatoliver

Randy said:


> Bringing up the past is always a mistake.
> 
> She's being stupid, I called her bullshit but I really should've been the bigger person. A guy who knows his shit and keeps a cool head knows a girl rags on his exes because it's her way of controlling her self-consciousness. I went right for the jugular and now I've got to clean up the mess. Learn from my mistakes.
> 
> It might be annoying and insulting to hear it, but she's feeling a lot shittier to bring that stuff up than I am hearing it.



Word.

I get this too, and I have realised that as many times that I say that I was a different person and it was in the past, exes do get brought up. However, I now view this as a perfect time to get serious gf points by making her feel good about herself - I figure that you are right about it being a control of self-control.

Her exes? I'm not even going to try mentioning anything


----------



## myampslouder

So me and my girlfriend of 17 months just broke up. I'm kind of upset but I'm quite strangly ok with it. Just thought i'd share.


----------



## metal_sam14

myampslouder said:


> So me and my girlfriend of 17 months just broke up. I'm kind of upset but I'm quite strangly ok with it. Just thought is share.



Surround yourself with friends and distractions such as guitar, its better to not think about it for a while


----------



## myampslouder

Double post


----------



## myampslouder

Probably see if I can crash at some friends houses till I get back on my feet and get my own place again. Thinkin hard about makin a few calls and tryin to relocate. Maybe Florida or go somewhere up north. Not many good friends left here and I hate my job so a fresh start may be good.


----------



## metal_sam14

myampslouder said:


> Probably see if I can crash at some friends houses till I get back on my feet and get my own place again. Thinkin hard about makin a few calls and tryin to relocate. Maybe Florida or go somewhere up north. Not many good friends left here and I hate my job so a fresh start may be good.



yeah sounds like you really do need a fresh start mate, it could be for the best, you never know


----------



## highlordmugfug

Randy said:


> *Last night:*
> 
> Girlfriend: Ew... I can't believe you ever did anything with that one girl. She's so fat and disgusting
> 
> Me: It was in the past, it was a mistake. All I did was kiss her and even then, I was drunk. Besides, you've made mistakes. That one guy was a real winner.
> 
> Girlfriend: Yeah, but my mistakes were a few years ago. That girl was early this year. Ewww....
> 
> Me: Um, last I checked there were a couple guys you dated around that same time. I don't know them but I'd venture to guess they were no fine catch either.
> 
> Girlfriend: Maybe not, but they weren't fat slobs.
> 
> *change subject*
> 
> *This morning:*
> 
> Girlfriend: If you're going to band practice, I'm going into the city with my friends. *semi joking*
> 
> Me: Go right ahead. You know to behave yourself or I'm giving you your walking papers. *semi joking*
> *
> 1. Girlfriend: Go right ahead. You can go find yourself a new girlfriend... you know, like that fat, childish bitch.*
> 
> *2. Me: *pissed* Hey... have I ever showed you any of the other girls I've dated...? *
> 
> Girlfriend: ... *bewilderment* ... *indistinguishable rage-filled ranting about how insensitive I am and how I'm trying to say the other girls I've dated are better looking than her*


1. Don't start nuttin'
2. Won't be nuttin'
:golf:


----------



## renzoip

shredguitar7 said:


> simple solution for me really... im 24.. i skipped someone my age and went straight to a 33 yr old couger.. no more bullshit. and she fucks like a rabbit... i.e.
> 
> me: hey babe..
> her: yea ?
> me: *snaps fingers to get on bed in doggystyle postion*
> her: rawr
> me: winning.....



^ This

Is exactly what I should be doing. Thanks for enlightening me!


----------



## SpottedBeaver

Randy said:


> *Last night:*
> 
> Girlfriend: Ew... I can't believe you ever did anything with that one girl. She's so fat and disgusting
> 
> Me: It was in the past, it was a mistake. All I did was kiss her and even then, I was drunk. Besides, you've made mistakes. That one guy was a real winner.
> 
> Girlfriend: Yeah, but my mistakes were a few years ago. That girl was early this year. Ewww....
> 
> Me: Um, last I checked there were a couple guys you dated around that same time. I don't know them but I'd venture to guess they were no fine catch either.
> 
> Girlfriend: Maybe not, but they weren't fat slobs.
> 
> *change subject*
> 
> *This morning:*
> 
> Girlfriend: If you're going to band practice, I'm going into the city with my friends. *semi joking*
> 
> Me: Go right ahead. You know to behave yourself or I'm giving you your walking papers. *semi joking*
> 
> Girlfriend: Go right ahead. You can go find yourself a new girlfriend... you know, like that fat, childish bitch.
> 
> Me: *pissed* Hey... have I ever showed you any of the other girls I've dated...?
> 
> Girlfriend: ... *bewilderment* ... *indistinguishable rage-filled ranting about how insensitive I am and how I'm trying to say the other girls I've dated are better looking than her*


 
Sounds like you're in love.


----------



## Yaris

Yaris said:


> So the date is scheduled for tomorrow night, and I can honestly say that I have never been so nervous/terrified



Just got back, and I had a good time . Not much physical stuff other than holding hands, but she said she would like to do it again soon.


----------



## metal_sam14

Yaris said:


> Just got back, and I had a good time . Not much physical stuff other than holding hands, but she said she would like to do it again soon.



Hang in there buddy, next time around it might get more intense


----------



## Yaris

Yeah I hope so. She's really shy and I kind of have to initiate everything, but we did talk about liking each other.


----------



## metal_sam14

Just let it happen, if the spark is there things will take off, and trust me man shy girls go off


----------



## Ibanezsam4

gotta say im quite happy right now. i have never been in a long term relationship before, and not for lack of trying, but it never happened. in a few short weeks im going to be celebrating 8 months with my gf! i would like to thank the SS.org guys in this thread, because without it, i dont know if i would've made the right decision with her


----------



## neoclassical

Yaris said:


> Yeah I hope so. She's really shy and I kind of have to initiate everything, but we did talk about liking each other.



Next time jump her bones man!


----------



## metal_sam14

to contribute to this thread properly again: 
I have been seeing a girl lately, we are pretty much going to start dating soon, we are just waiting for her to finish her exams so that we can spend more time together. this is the first girl I have dedicated time to since my ex cheated on me and fucked me around real bad, and also my first since a bit depression at the end of last year. hoping for a fresh start and good things this time


----------



## Murmel

To follow up on my man the fuck up post, I'm not sure if I can do it. But not because I'm a pussy, rather because me and her were talking on the bus today. And we got onto the topic of love ruining friendships. She's had that happen to her a few times in the past, and I'm not sure I can do that to her.. I know how sad she is about it, and I feel like a cunt if I put my plan to work today, considering the conversation we had... And I sure as hell don't wanna lose her just because of it, because she's probably one of the best people I've met 
I do have another occasion coming up next week where I can do it as well...

Fuck my life


----------



## PyramidSmasher

It was "blossom time" which is a gigantic 4 day festival in my town. I got with both the last 2 girls I've bitched about here on the same night on Saturday.

Mission Accomplished.


----------



## powerofze

PyramidSmasher said:


> It was "blossom time" which is a gigantic 4 day festival in my town. I got with both the last 2 girls I've bitched about here on the same night on Saturday.
> 
> Mission Accomplished.


sex?


----------



## renzoip

PyramidSmasher said:


> It was "blossom time" which is a gigantic 4 day festival in my town. I got with both the last 2 girls I've bitched about here on the same night on Saturday.
> 
> Mission Accomplished.



Both at the same time? If so then


----------



## MikeH

My girl and I just hit two years on the 18th.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

renzoip said:


> Both at the same time? If so then



No, hours apart.


----------



## Dead Undead

I've had one relatively serious relationship (I'm 15) that lasted a good 4 months. We break it off, still very good friends, but suddenly everyone begins asking me for advice on their relationships. A year ago, nobody would even talk to me. Now everyone loves me, and it's making me paranoid as hell because I think they're just trying to use me or something since I haven't had close friends since... well, ever. Could be the change of schools, I guess.
I've had older women say that were I in my twenties they'd be all over me, though. 
Why is that I don't really get along with most my age, but I can talk to adults no problem?

Also, there's this girl I just started dating and I get the feeling we just aren't opening up to each other as quickly as I did in my last relationship. I get the feeling she's rather shy and introverted though. What should I do? I realize I probably need to open myself up more, but otherwise how would I relieve that tension of "not knowing what to say?"


----------



## Cynic

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Actually I dont really get the idea. I've never done this before.
> 
> 21 and never had a girlfriend. Ha!
> 
> The weird thing with me is how uncomfortable touching people makes me. Its bad. I even shy away from shaking people's hands. Any physical contact I make is forced and awkward. Not even with girls, but with everyone. My sisters even say I hug "wrong". I've even pushed family member away when unexpectedly hugged and such. Its like nails on a chalkboard to me.
> 
> Yeah. I'm a nutcase. Foreveralone.jpeg



D'awww 

Awkward man. :3


----------



## renzoip

PyramidSmasher said:


> No, hours apart.



Oh, in that case then


----------



## Devotion

Dead Undead said:


> I've had one relatively serious relationship (I'm 15) that lasted a good 4 months. We break it off, still very good friends, but suddenly everyone begins asking me for advice on their relationships. A year ago, nobody would even talk to me. Now everyone loves me, and it's making me paranoid as hell because I think they're just trying to use me or something since I haven't had close friends since... well, ever. Could be the change of schools, I guess.
> I've had older women say that were I in my twenties they'd be all over me, though.
> Why is that I don't really get along with most my age, but I can talk to adults no problem?
> 
> Also, there's this girl I just started dating and I get the feeling we just aren't opening up to each other as quickly as I did in my last relationship. I get the feeling she's rather shy and introverted though. What should I do? I realize I probably need to open myself up more, but otherwise how would I relieve that tension of "not knowing what to say?"



I know exactly how you feel. I had the same thing going, I'm 16 and had a 1 year relationship, before I was unpopular as hell, and know, everybody gets along with me. Luckily they don't ask me for advice, but some do like to just let go off their problems and tell everything to me.
There is this guy, acting super friendly, while 2 years back he wouldn't let the chance go by to make fun of me. He even asked if i had something to do this evening. I immediately found an excuse, I don't trust it.


Just keep talking. My girl was also very introvert. But gradually they open up. Just keep talking.


----------



## Dead Undead

Devotion said:


> I know exactly how you feel. I had the same thing going, I'm 16 and had a 1 year relationship, before I was unpopular as hell, and know, everybody gets along with me. Luckily they don't ask me for advice, but some do like to just let go off their problems and tell everything to me.
> There is this guy, acting super friendly, while 2 years back he wouldn't let the chance go by to make fun of me. He even asked if i had something to do this evening. I immediately found an excuse, I don't trust it.
> 
> 
> Just keep talking. My girl was also very introvert. But gradually they open up. Just keep talking.



Thanks, man. That's a help.
I have no problem listening to people who just to vent, but when they keep asking about "What should I do about boy/girl X in situation Y," I feel pressured.


----------



## Devotion

Dead Undead said:


> Thanks, man. That's a help.
> I have no problem listening to people who just to vent, but when they keep asking about "What should I do about boy/girl X in situation Y," I feel pressured.



That's understandable, just tell them what they would like to hear in those situations, as no matter what you say, they still gonna do it anyways. Just tell them to follow their heart, make love, go hippie and use rocks!! Just maybe not the last 2.


----------



## Despised_0515




----------



## Justin Bailey

have a 16 year old girl thats into me... >_> I'm 21, this is odd


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Justin Bailey said:


> have a 16 year old girl thats into me... >_> I'm 21, this is odd


----------



## Winspear

Justin Bailey said:


> have a 16 year old girl thats into me... >_> I'm 21, this is awesome


----------



## -42-

Justin Bailey said:


> have a 16 year old girl thats into me... >_> I'm 21, this is odd



No.


----------



## avenger

-42- said:


> No.


Yes. Beware of Chris though.


----------



## Justin Bailey

Woah, never said I was gonna go for it, I'm just saying it took me by suprise. She a friend of my younger cousin's.


----------



## Randy

Dude, guys over 21 are like fucking cat-nip for jailbait.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

dey luh dat shiet.


----------



## Winspear

God damn pre booked holidays


----------



## BucketheadRules

ts520 said:


> What does everyone think about dating online? I just signed up for my first website, and I am so nervous!



I think spam is bad.


----------



## Yaris

Okay so my friend says I fucked up. I was talking with him about the date I had a few weeks back. It was our first date, and near the end I pull up to her house to drop her off. She told me not to get out of the car (normally I would go up to her house with her) because her parents didn't know I was taking her on a date (it's fine, her parents fucking love me) . Anyway, after we talked about having a second date soon I expected her to get out, but she lingered for a while and kind of smiled at me. I was confused and eventually she signaled for me to unlock the door, which I did. Driving home, I had that "AWW FUCK" moment when I realized that maybe she was expecting a kiss to close the date. Telling my friend about this, he agrees with me. Oh well, I'll try to do it on the second date.


----------



## Overtone

rofl... you better let her know how hot she was on the date and how you couldn't sleep afterwards because you were thinking about her eyes or some crap.


----------



## Tones

Yaris said:


> Okay so my friend says I fucked up. I was talking with him about the date I had a few weeks back. It was our first date, and near the end I pull up to her house to drop her off. She told me not to get out of the car (normally I would go up to her house with her) because her parents didn't know I was taking her on a date (it's fine, her parents fucking love me) . Anyway, after we talked about having a second date soon I expected her to get out, but she lingered for a while and kind of smiled at me. I was confused and eventually she signaled for me to unlock the door, which I did. Driving home, I had that "AWW FUCK" moment when I realized that maybe she was expecting a kiss to close the date. Telling my friend about this, he agrees with me. Oh well, I'll try to do it on the second date.




There are many more dates to come. You will find the perfect opportunity my friend. Just make sure you make the move early enough and not bore the crap out of her. Just my two cents


----------



## Dead Undead

Well my last "relationship" was a dead end and was over with quite quickly. She basically said she didn't have that kind of feeling for me. Whatever. Now I'm with the sweetest girl I could hope to be with. We click really well and always have something to talk about.

Recently a 14 year old boy asked me out... glad to know I have that effect on people.
Just thought I'd share.


----------



## Yaris

Dead Undead said:


> Well my last "relationship" was a dead end and was over with quite quickly. She basically said she didn't have that kind of feeling for me. Whatever. Now I'm with the sweetest girl I could hope to be with. We click really well and always have something to talk about.
> 
> Recently a 14 year old boy asked me out... glad to know I have that effect on people.
> Just thought I'd share.


----------



## leandroab

Dead Undead said:


> Recently a 14 year old boy asked me out...



I'm not quite sure I followed this...


----------



## Devotion

Dead Undead said:


> Recently a *14* year old *boy* asked me out... glad to know I have that effect on people.
> Just thought I'd share.



Run while you still can. It may be already to late, but run. RUN!

Good job with the girl though.


----------



## JohnIce

Yaris said:


> Okay so my friend says I fucked up. I was talking with him about the date I had a few weeks back. It was our first date, and near the end I pull up to her house to drop her off. She told me not to get out of the car (normally I would go up to her house with her) because her parents didn't know I was taking her on a date (it's fine, her parents fucking love me) . Anyway, after we talked about having a second date soon I expected her to get out, but she lingered for a while and kind of smiled at me. I was confused and eventually she signaled for me to unlock the door, which I did. Driving home, I had that "AWW FUCK" moment when I realized that maybe she was expecting a kiss to close the date. Telling my friend about this, he agrees with me. Oh well, I'll try to do it on the second date.


 
Eh, keeping it in your pants is a desirable trait in a gentleman  Then again there are good and bad ways to not kiss a girl... as long as it didn't seem like you were too much of a confused rookie to get her point (bad) or excessively sweating and talking in a high-pitched voice while not kissing her, you should be alright


----------



## JohnIce

Randy said:


> Dude, guys over 21 are like fucking cat-nip for jailbait.


 
True dat. I did a graduation-gig yesterday for people age 17 and downwards... I was actually a little proud to get asked to sign some boobs, until today when Facebook told me she was 15.


----------



## Dead Undead

Devotion said:


> Run while you still can. It may be already to late, but run. RUN!
> 
> Good job with the girl though.



Thanks. She's a keeper.

I wish I could run. Sadly I'm stuck on this island until my parents push me out the door.


----------



## leandroab

JohnIce said:


> True dat. I did a graduation-gig yesterday for people age 17 and downwards... I was actually a little proud to get asked to sign some boobs, until today when Facebook told me she was 15.



Shit happens all the time.... It's the fucking hormones in the chicken, man!


----------



## scottro202

My girlfriend's most recent ex...the dude's Facebook page is filled with a schpeel of the most depressing statuses ever.

Is it bad this makes me happy? (Don't worry, he treated her like shit, probably deserves the pain.)


----------



## -42-

JohnIce said:


> True dat. I did a graduation-gig yesterday for people age 17 and downwards... I was actually a little proud to get asked to sign some boobs, until today when Facebook told me she was 15.



What's the age of consent in Sweden again?


----------



## metal_sam14

scottro202 said:


> My girlfriend's most recent ex...the dude's Facebook page is filled with a schpeel of the most depressing statuses ever.
> 
> Is it bad this makes me happy? (Don't worry, he treated her like shit, probably deserves the pain.)



Completely normal, especially if he treated her like crap


----------



## Murmel

-42- said:


> What's the age of consent in Sweden again?


15. But if an 18+ has sex with a 15-17 year old it's still considered rape. I'm sorry if I ruined your vacation plans


----------



## JohnIce

Murmel said:


> 15. But if an 18+ has sex with a 15-17 year old it's still considered rape. I'm sorry if I ruined your vacation plans



Didn't know this... then I've both raped and been raped several times.


----------



## BucketheadRules

JohnIce said:


> Didn't know this... then I've both raped and been raped several times.



You disgust me.



...





...





...


----------



## CrushingAnvil

This thread. I just moved like 26 kilometers away, I don't know ANYONE in this suburb but it's the largest suburb in the country...I want to say there's plenty of wimmins around but I'm not convinced


----------



## Murmel

JohnIce said:


> Didn't know this... then I've both raped and been raped several times.



Well John, I don't know if it's considered RAPE, I just couldn't find a better word for it. But it sure is illegal.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

I have a dinner date tonight. It's her birthday, and I was going to take her to Opus Prime for some Kobe, but she wanted me to cook for her instead.

I am preparing Filet Mignon with a cognac, cherry, and cocoa sauce. On the side will be steamed vegetables in a butter, rosemary, and garlic glaze and mashed baked potatoes.


----------



## neoclassical

The wife found out about the gf and both met and made nice nice. I'm thinking threesome if all goes well....


----------



## Devotion

neoclassical said:


> The wife found out about the gf and both met and made nice nice. I'm thinking threesome if all goes well....



Wait... Didn't you hate your wife? 
And wtf? She found out you cheated and she just agreed and even just had a regular non-insulting conversation with her? What planet do you live on? I wanna come!!!


----------



## -42-

neoclassical said:


> The wife found out about the gf and both met and made nice nice. I'm thinking threesome if all goes well....


----------



## JohnIce

Murmel said:


> Well John, I don't know if it's considered RAPE, I just couldn't find a better word for it. But it sure is illegal.


 
Odd law... so two 17-year olds can have all the rabbit-sex they want but as soon as one of them turns 18, they have to wait until the other one also turns 18 before they can start doing it again?


----------



## flo

JohnIce said:


> Odd law... so two 17-year olds can have all the rabbit-sex they want but as soon as one of them turns 18, they have to wait until the other one also turns 18 before they can start doing it again?



No, I, mean yes, either that, or ask the parents of the 17-year-old for permission. I don't know if this ever happened...
"hey Mr. and Mrs. Vadvetjag, would you mind if I continue sleeping with your daughter?"


----------



## Murmel

JohnIce said:


> Odd law... so two 17-year olds can have all the rabbit-sex they want but as soon as one of them turns 18, they have to wait until the other one also turns 18 before they can start doing it again?


You didn't know this? 
Yeah that's basically how it is. Of course, most people do it anyways, because the risk that the younger one is gonna go to the police about it is incredibly small unless you're actually getting raped.


----------



## soliloquy

Yaris said:


> Okay so my friend says I fucked up. I was talking with him about the date I had a few weeks back. It was our first date, and near the end I pull up to her house to drop her off. She told me not to get out of the car (normally I would go up to her house with her) because her parents didn't know I was taking her on a date (it's fine, her parents fucking love me) . Anyway, after we talked about having a second date soon I expected her to get out, but she lingered for a while and kind of smiled at me. I was confused and eventually she signaled for me to unlock the door, which I did. Driving home, I had that "AWW FUCK" moment when I realized that maybe she was expecting a kiss to close the date. Telling my friend about this, he agrees with me. Oh well, I'll try to do it on the second date.



you could always be a bit old fashioned and say 'i dont kiss on the first date' ? 

and heres a song for you if that ever comes up again:


for what its worth, my first kiss with my current girlfriend was just god-awful! i had been kissed several times before, but never was i to kiss someone. but before we went out on our date, she kinda lingered around and made it obvious that she wanted a kiss, but i was either dumb, or i ignored it for whatever reason. i got to our first date, and right before she opened the car door, i grabbed her hand, pulled her in, and went for a kiss...yeah, it wasn't fun. 

good thing is that the second one was MUCH MUCH better!


----------



## JohnIce

Murmel said:


> You didn't know this?
> Yeah that's basically how it is. Of course, most people do it anyways, because the risk that the younger one is gonna go to the police about it is incredibly small unless you're actually getting raped.


 
I see... so when I was 17 and had sex with a 27-year old, I should've sued her ass afterwards. Double-win!


----------



## Murmel

JohnIce said:


> I see... so when I was 17 and had sex with a 27-year old, I should've sued her ass afterwards. Double-win!



Pretty much, but I don't know how you'd do without any evidence. Unless you taped the whole thing


----------



## Justin Bailey

Well, I've got nothing. A couple girls have liked me since last september when my ex left me, but so far I haven't felt the same about any of them. Certainly getting anxious and depressed, this is the longest I have been single since I was 13-14ish. There is a part of me that enjoys the freedom, the laziness, but then there is a much bigger part of me that just feels bored and misses having someone.


----------



## -42-

^If a girl wants you to put it in her, who are you to deny her? Fill that great emotional void with hot, pointless sex.


----------



## vampiregenocide

I am seeing someone now who is pretty damn awesome. It's early days, but we're both really into each other so it shouldn't be long before it's official.  I need a break.


----------



## Justin Bailey

-42- said:


> ^If a girl wants you to put it in her, who are you to deny her? Fill that great emotional void with hot, pointless sex.



I don't care for pointless sex, I kinda wish I did, but nah, I couldn't do it.



vampiregenocide said:


> I am seeing someone now who is pretty damn awesome. It's early days, but we're both really into each other so it shouldn't be long before it's official.  I need a break.



Awesome man, I feel that.


----------



## renzoip

Justin Bailey said:


> I don't care for pointless sex, I kinda wish I did, but nah, I couldn't do it.
> 
> 
> 
> Awesome man, I feel that.



I used to be like that, but then I realized that there is actually point to pointless sex. The point is to have sex! 

But in all seriousness, while it may not be the ideal situation (for some), it does not hurt, specially when you are single and when you haven't had it in a while. I'm just saying, if you've got nothing to lose, then I don't see why not.


----------



## Justin Bailey

I can just see myself getting atatched, and I just don't feel like dealing with that. I have no problem with other people doing it, of course, but I suppose don't knock it till ya try it right?


----------



## BrainArt

JohnIce said:


> I see... so when I was 17 and had sex with a 27-year old, I should've sued her ass afterwards. Double-win!


----------



## Murmel

BrainArt said:


>



John is like Terminator except he specialises in humping, not killing 

Been hanging out with the girl I've been into for 7 months now 2 days in a row during her lunch break. I thought my feelings for her were declining, I was so wrong


----------



## renzoip

JohnIce said:


> I see... so when I was 17 and had sex with a 27-year old, I should've sued her ass afterwards. Double-win!




Damn, dude, you need to tell me how to attract older women like that. All the girls im getting are 18-20, which is fine, but I kinda want to try with someone whose got her shit figured out already. Less drama = better.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Don't bother bro, older chicks are just as big drama queens as younglins!


----------



## avenger

If you are single and it moves, fuck it.

If you are taken and it moves, fuck it if you can live with yourself.

If you fuck it and you like it, keep it.

/thread


----------



## guitarister7321

JohnIce said:


> I see... so when I was 17 and had sex with a 27-year old, I should've sued her ass afterwards. Double-win!



What?! And I thought I was bad-ass for having sex with an 18-year old when I was 16.


----------



## leandroab

HaMMerHeD said:


> I have a dinner date tonight. It's her birthday, and I was going to take her to Opus Prime for some Kobe, but she wanted me to cook for her instead.
> 
> I am preparing Filet Mignon with a cognac, cherry, and cocoa sauce. On the side will be steamed vegetables in a butter, rosemary, and garlic glaze and mashed baked potatoes.



Dude! Where can I buy this frozen dinner? Is it a gourmet line or some shit?



Murmel said:


> John is like Terminator except he specialises in humping, not killing




So when the mission is done he says "Ejaculated"?


----------



## soliloquy

Justin Bailey said:


> I can just see myself getting atatched, and I just don't feel like dealing with that. I have no problem with other people doing it, of course, but I suppose don't knock it till ya try it right?



well, why dont you do this? go out with one of those girls for a date or two. or maybe go out with a few of them for a date or two. see how things go.

sure, you may not like them i fyou dont know much about them other than 'oh shes a blonde. she likes slipknot. i guess there isn't much hope for us'. but once you go out and you'll realize how much you have in common, and hit it off from there. if not, then you lose nothing, move along. or if that doesn't work, then maybe you'll gain an awesome friend in the process. 

thats what i did with my current gf. at first i found her fairly annoying. but all of my friends and her friends kept telling each other that we liked the other person (as i they told me she liked me, and they told her that i liked her) and they hooked us up for a date. we both went in saying 'enh, what do we have to lose?' and came back out of that date with sparks flying. its been 3 years now for us, and we are still going strong. so you never know. ask one of em out to a date. maybe a dinner, or a movie (if a movie, then pick a LAME movie that you two can complain about it through out!) or both or something....




renzoip said:


> Damn, dude, you need to tell me how to attract older women like that. All the girls im getting are 18-20, which is fine, but I kinda want to try with someone whose got her shit figured out already. Less drama = better.



no. you have it all wrong dude.
younger women/girls want you to sort of dominate em as they dont have their shit together.
older women want to dominate you as they are tired of having shitty relationships so they pick someone young so they can shape him into whatever lil bitch they can make him into. if you're fine with that, then go for it. if not, then theres always a rock or two near by


----------



## HaMMerHeD

leandroab said:


> Dude! Where can I buy this frozen dinner? Is it a gourmet line or some shit?



Oh, around. Only cost about $110 for the two of us.


----------



## soliloquy

HaMMerHeD said:


> Oh, around. Only cost about $110 for the two of us.



are you flying her to paris while dining?

you can actually make all taht at home for fairly less if you know where to go for your shopping.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

maybe im just durnk btu either i just got with a really hot girl who ive known/liked forever, and fialed to get on the less attractive girl I ws going for, or else im fucking retarded


----------



## Tree

Congrats, Lucas!

So here's my story:

I fear I was tricked into leading a girl on :/

I was just talking to her, having a normal conversation when she randomly started flirting. I, being socially awkward and all around odd, replied to her advances and compliments with stuff along the lines of, 
"Oh, thank you." and, awkward laughter. 
Then she pulled out the girl trump card, "Do you think I'm pretty/attractive?"

I froze. Now, it's not that I find her unattractive, but she is certainly not quite my type or of my normal interest. I stupidly replied with something similar to "Of course" or "Yes, of course." 
I didn't want to be mean or come off as an ass. And now I get the sense that she thinks I'm into her. For all I know I could end up falling for this girl  but as of right now that is not the case. Now, I have no clue what to do. 

As I said I'm socially awkward and all around bad at speaking. I can't think of a way to let her down gently. Oh and she all ready made a point of letting me know that she doesn't handle rejection well i.e. she will get depressed or something I guess. :/


----------



## Mexi

maybe you should take this as an opportunity to get over your "socially awkward" and "bad at speaking" personality. you don't necessarily have to pursue a long-term relationship with her but take this as a chance to better your interpersonal and relationship skills (most people lack basic competency with these). hang out with her, she clearly has an interest in you and maybe you two will find some common ground. If all else fails, just be so intolerable around her that she'll just leave you alone.


----------



## scottro202

Tell her you have a vagina and that it's probably better looking than hers.

works for me


----------



## Tree

Mexi said:


> maybe you should take this as an opportunity to get over your "socially awkward" and "bad at speaking" personality. you don't necessarily have to pursue a long-term relationship with her but take this as a chance to better your interpersonal and relationship skills (most people lack basic competency with these). hang out with her, she clearly has an interest in you and maybe you two will find some common ground. If all else fails, just be so intolerable around her that she'll just leave you alone.



I'm hanging out with her again Saturday. I like her as a friend, so I don't want to spaz out so hard that she doesn't want to talk to me 



scottro202 said:


> Tell her you have a vagina and that it's probably better looking than hers.
> 
> works for me



I'll save that as an absolute last resort.


----------



## Justin Bailey

soliloquy said:


> well, why dont you do this? go out with one of those girls for a date or two. or maybe go out with a few of them for a date or two. see how things go.
> 
> sure, you may not like them i fyou dont know much about them other than 'oh shes a blonde. she likes slipknot. i guess there isn't much hope for us'. but once you go out and you'll realize how much you have in common, and hit it off from there. if not, then you lose nothing, move along. or if that doesn't work, then maybe you'll gain an awesome friend in the process.
> 
> thats what i did with my current gf. at first i found her fairly annoying. but all of my friends and her friends kept telling each other that we liked the other person (as i they told me she liked me, and they told her that i liked her) and they hooked us up for a date. we both went in saying 'enh, what do we have to lose?' and came back out of that date with sparks flying. its been 3 years now for us, and we are still going strong. so you never know. ask one of em out to a date. maybe a dinner, or a movie (if a movie, then pick a LAME movie that you two can complain about it through out!) or both or something....



I'm actually already friends with all of them, and I don't really feel sexually attracted to any of them. 

My lesbian friend is kinda sending weird signals. I might be just taking it the wrong way but sometimes i wonder if she might have a thing for me. Ah, my love life is a mess


----------



## soliloquy

Justin Bailey said:


> I'm actually already friends with all of them, and I don't really feel sexually attracted to any of them.
> 
> My lesbian friend is kinda sending weird signals. I might be just taking it the wrong way but sometimes i wonder if she might have a thing for me. Ah, my love life is a mess



ask one of them out on a date you deuce!
even the lesbian! 

remember, a date is not a relationship.
a date is not for meaningless sex, or any kind of sex

a date is to go out in town with someone, and enjoy.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

soliloquy said:


> are you flying her to paris while dining?
> 
> you can actually make all taht at home for fairly less if you know where to go for your shopping.



There is only one butcher in town with proper tenderloin filets, and it's $23 per pound. Two 8oz filets came to about $25 with tax. The hennessy cognac cost about $38. The produce and other various groceries for the meal were just under $50.


----------



## leandroab

Tree said:


> Congrats, Lucas!
> 
> So here's my story:
> 
> I fear I was tricked into leading a girl on :/
> 
> I was just talking to her, having a normal conversation when she randomly started flirting. I, being socially awkward and all around odd, replied to her advances and compliments with stuff along the lines of,
> "Oh, thank you." and, awkward laughter.
> Then she pulled out the girl trump card, "Do you think I'm pretty/attractive?"
> 
> I froze. Now, it's not that I find her unattractive, but she is certainly not quite my type or of my normal interest. I stupidly replied with something similar to "Of course" or "Yes, of course."
> I didn't want to be mean or come off as an ass. And now I get the sense that she thinks I'm into her. For all I know I could end up falling for this girl  but as of right now that is not the case. Now, I have no clue what to do.
> 
> As I said I'm socially awkward and all around bad at speaking. I can't think of a way to let her down gently. Oh and she all ready made a point of letting me know that she doesn't handle rejection well i.e. she will get depressed or something I guess. :/



Avenge us! Friendzone that bitch so women can know what it feels like!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## UnderTheSign

Well time for a bump, bring back the page-2 thread! 

I was hitting on a girl until I found out she's still 15, drinks tequila like an alcoholic Mexican and was boasting about trying cocaine yesterday. No thanks.


----------



## Devotion

UnderTheSign said:


> Well time for a bump, bring back the page-2 thread!
> 
> I was hitting on a girl until I found out she's still 15, drinks tequila like an alcoholic Mexican and was boasting about trying cocaine yesterday. No thanks.



Oh Holland... Stereotypes aside, to bad man, keep it up.

On another note, went to my first real party this week. There were these two girls I know that were pretty drunk (staying sober ftw ) and they were sending signals, like saying 'come and get it' etc., but when I then challenged one of them, she stepped back immediately. So yeah, no problem for me, I don't want a relation anyway, and I want to keep them as friends.
But now the important part: both had never kissed before. Now yesterday I found out one of them kissed a total stranger when I had left and that she regrets it badly. There's me with my piss in the wind, I should have taken my chance.


----------



## Joeywilson

Found best woman. Prettiest and coolest ever. Taking her out on Thursday, is Dinner and a movie too much for a first date? 

She said that she heard that I'm an agree-er (I'm not) and she hinted at wanting me to show her that I can actually make decisions So I told her I wouldn't tell her what we're going to do on Thursday. I really don't want to scare her off by coming on too strong but at the same time I really like doing big things like dinner-movie-then beach maybe (possibly).

It's not a 'first date' first date because we hung out last night at some show and we deeked to get some coffee/hang out and get our portrait drawn by some crack head.


----------



## flo

Joeywilson said:


> She said that she heard that I'm an agree-er (I'm not)



 

Good luck, and don't think too much about "is this too much for a first date", just do what feels natural and don't enforce anything.

But if you like movies and dinner and the beach (and who wouldn't) go for it! + report how it was


----------



## Joeywilson

flo said:


> Good luck, and don't think too much about "is this too much for a first date", just do what feels natural and don't enforce anything.
> 
> But if you like movies and dinner and the beach (and who wouldn't) go for it! + report how it was



Sweet thanks dude, I definatly will!


----------



## Duelbart

Joeywilson said:


> She said that she heard that I'm an agree-er (I'm not) and she hinted at wanting me to show her that I can actually make decisions So I told her I wouldn't tell her what we're going to do on Thursday.



I think you couldn't have done it better


----------



## caskettheclown

Opinions on masturbation while in a relationship?


----------



## Murmel

caskettheclown said:


> Opinions on masturbation while in a relationship?



Are you kidding? Go the fuck for it dude, why should you stop? 
If she/he isn't there to help you out... you already know how to do it yourself in case you have to.


----------



## Gamma362

I feel really shitty lately. Me and my ex broke up about 4 months ago, after about 6 weeks I had really started to move on, and was doing pretty good. Now a few times within the past 2 weeks, I've had dreams about her and have had trouble keeping myself from thinking about her. It driving me nuts, I've actually started to miss her again  I really hate this, I really don't want to be feeling this. I haven't talked to her in moths either, so I have no idea where this is coming from.


----------



## squid-boy

I love my best friend/roommate. She's the most gorgeous creature I've seen and we have three ferrets and a cat together. Pre'much it. 

And yes, I understand the term friend-zone. I'm comfortable with what we have, there is no striving, just a desire that there was more. Whatever, though.


----------



## metal_sam14

caskettheclown said:


> Opinions on masturbation while in a relationship?



once in a long term relationship, you will master the ability to be able to masturbate in the same bed as your partner without waking them


only then will you be a true master of ones sword


----------



## groph

Alright fuck it, I'm posting in this thread, vulnerabilitymode = on. This is probably going to put me in one of my terrible depressive states. You guys appear to be reasonably accepting people so bear with me, I'm throwing a lot of shit out here. I'm completely fucked up.

Been around the friendzone block in high school, hurt, came to the conclusion that there's just something fundamentally wrong with me that will forever prevent me from experiencing intimacy and emotional connection with anybody ever. Resorted to online dating advice. Discovered that, according to the advice, my personality was simply the wrong type. As a quiet, introverted, "sensitive" person, I'll just repel girls my entire life, same old "nice guy losing to the bad boy" dynamic again and again ad nauseum as that's all you ever read online, ever.

I get to university and I figure since my school is 80% female I'm bound to meet someone, I guess I'll get a girlfriend through osmosis or something. I'm too shy to initiate anything. This has gotten somewhat better but I'll get to that in a minute. At this point I'm 18 and feeling terrible whenever a pretty girl walks into my class. Rather than feel encouraged to talk to her, I feel down on myself because I know I'll never have a chance and I just start associating attractive girls with hopeless feelings of intense loneliness. Some fucked up fat ugly chick has a crush on me, she's all passive aggressive and generally atrocious. This never amounted to anything more than her guilting me into sitting down with her for lunch, something I shouldn't have done; I should have called her guilt trip out and told her to fuck off. I met a nice girl in my statistics class lab and we talk in class, she laughs at what I say but of course I don't attempt to pursue anything because surely she'd never like me in that way.

In my second year I'm pretty much secure with the fact that I am the way I am, I'm not going to try to radically alter my "incorrect" personality, society can suck my dick (or not, apparently). Another large girl, we'll call her K - in a women's studies class I'm in starts talking to me out of nowhere. She has a pretty face and a seemingly outgoing personality, she sort of overwhelmed me at first, I was a bit scared of her when talking. Really upfront type. I have a slight feeling that she's interested in me but again, "Nah, you're you and therefore she's probably not interested. Besides, she's kind of fat." Nothing of any significance happened in my second year, either.

In my third year I receive my academic awakening when I took the best course I've ever taken, a contemporary sociological theory course that all sociology majors need to take. We read this awesome critical theory textbook and the course gave me some ammunition which I could use to voice my opinions about what I take issue with in our society, thoughts I've had pretty much my entire life. A pubcrawl comes up in November, and K got my phone number from another female friend of mine, D. I go to the pubcrawl, and apparently K wanted to try to hook me up with her roommate. A month or two later, D tells me that she's having a movie night at her place, with her boyfriend and K is going to be there. It sounded strangely like a double date and it was. I figured out that K did like me so I figured "what the hell, let's date and see where this goes." K and I dated for 3 months or so, she was growing on me and she really seemed to like me. No more was I spending nights alone in bed battling with feelings of crippling loneliness and personal inadequacy, calling myself pathetic and crying myself to sleep on a number of occasions. We dated and had fun, then in April K texts me and cuts it off. She had a bad relationship in the past, she thought she was ready to move on but she wasn't, she still wanted to be friends, etc etc. I'm inclined to believe her but every other indication says that if a girl ever says to you "let's be friends" that means that she specifically does not want a relationship/sex with you, ever. If I saw K right now, if she walked into my room, I'd probably vomit and punch a giant hole in my wall. There's no way I could tactfully communicate with her because she is the closest I've gotten to a girlfriend, I got a slight taste of what that was like, something I've longed for and am longing for even more now, and I feel like she cut things off without giving me a fair chance. Granted, it never got serious and she was ridiculously busy with 3 jobs, school, and apparently a bit of a messed up family life, I gather she has some serious baggage but she's never told me anything about that so I have no idea. I didn't get to see her as much as I wanted but of course my tendency is to think "Shit, a girl actually likes you. This is as good as it's ever going to get so deal with it."

Over the years, I've felt completely emotionally deprived because I've never gotten close to girls in "that way," and I'm not talking about just sex. When I am alone with my thoughts, I am in serious danger of slipping into a depression where I tear apart the fibre of my being, calling myself terrible things and believing them. *It might get a bit heavy here, I'm really putting myself out on a limb, I'm trusting you guys as a board to understand. *These depressions get intense enough that I repeatedly hit myself in the face or anywhere that feels appropriate. I try not to bruise myself since I don't want people to ask, but I've given myself countless nosebleeds if I happen to hit my nose. Doing this serves to calm me somewhat. Just last week I had a slip-up (I vowed to never hit myself a couple of years ago and I was doing well for a while) and started punching my mattress like crazy. My body tensed up that I gave myself a nosebleed (I get them easily) and bled on the sheets. I went into the bathroom and bled into the sink, sobbing hopelessly while my mother was a few rooms over with headphones on, oblivious. My anger rose and rose and I beat the shit out of myself, splattering blood all over the bathroom wall and nearly broke my nose. Watching the blood pour into the sink and the throbbing pain from the punches silenced what was going on in my head so all I could do was stand there and bleed, breathing heavily, completely enraged at myself for being/feeling so inept and lonely while all I do is cry about it and despair. It's a feedback loop. I feel worse for not doing anything. I don't tell people about this stuff usually, since "guys don't talk about this shit" let alone cry about it. I thought I was emotionally in touch with myself but the truth is, I have no idea what I'm feeling. When I'm in a depression I really can't pin down any one feeling. All I know is that the intense anger at being sad follows, usually with harmful consequences. I don't deserve any of this.

I'm posting this in the relationships thread because my lack of a love life is pretty much what sparks these episodes and it's become a huge issue for me over the years. I desperately want to meet someone I can connect to but I feel that I just never will.

EDIT: tl;dr, I probably need therapy. Also, it took a lot to click "send." Don't tell me to "man up," don't call me pathetic, I've said worse shit about myself to myself than any of you can conjure, I don't need a second opinion. I probably do need professional help but I don't know how to go about asking because I don't want to put my parents through the anguish of knowing that their only son is completely fucked up and may be suicidal in a couple of years if things don't improve. Anyone who gives constructive advice or shares a common experience will be appreciated.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Groph,

I feel your pain brother. I have struggled with depression since I was little, and when I got to mid-high and high-school, it got so much worse as a results of my newfound desire to be with girls while they remained uninterested in me.

Though I haven't been as violent with myself as you have been, I fought the urge to get up and go off myself more times than I can count. The loneliness and despair was crippling. If I was less depressed, I think I might have gone through with it. As it happened, I was too down in a hole and mentally exhausted to do much more than lay in bed and wish for some cataclysmic event to take me out. 

The cacophony in my head was too much to bear sometimes. I spent many nights screaming into my pillow until I lost my voice and my abdomen hurt from the way your stomache muscles contract when you scream. It is truly horrible, and I know your pain.

My girl problems pretty much vanished when I got out of school and into the real world where more people value you for you, rather than for the outward appearances of success that are so important in high school and in college/university.

About all I can tell you is this:

It gets better, and therapy can help. I have been seeing a therapist for about two years. It isn't like you see on TV or in movies where the client has some mind-bending revelation and the whole world changes for them. For me, it is a place I can go to talk about a world that doesn't care about me. I pay this person to sit and listen to me, and ask me questions about my problems. Through the exploration of my ideas with a psychology professional, I have learned to embrace the anonymity of living on Earth, and to take comfort in the chaos and randomness of every day life and in the greater scheme of things. That easing of my mind has allowed me to focus more conscious attention on the areas of my life that I can shore up, and it has given me the clarity to actually do it.

I still don't understand women, but I have learned to appreciate that aspect of them. I know I will never be able to think the way they do and understand why they do the things they do. But through my therapy I have been able to decide that that precise thing, the mystery, is what I love about them most.

Another thing I have learned is this: false confidence is indistinguishable from real confidence. If you can convince yourself to talk to a girl _knowing_ that nothing will come of it, you have nothing to lose by not doing so.

~~

Anyway...I'm 34 now, have had plenty of girlfriends, got married once, had a kid, got divorced, and so on. Now I find myself on the cusp of a really awesome relationship with a truly amazing woman. I'm pretty happy with life now, but it has been a hard and painful trip to get here.


----------



## Devotion

Man, Groph, hang in there buddy... I'm typing this from my ipod, so forgive the spelling mistakes, but I can't read this and then just ignore it. 

I'm by no means a therapist, but I find it good that you posted this. You're breaking out of the introvercy. Good! Let the world know how you feel! This way, by letting go of your emotions, you'll feel much better. I don't have one myself, but maybe try to keep a diary. Let your anger go through writing, express your darkest feelings in there, nobody will read it. Later you will read it back and see how much you have improved your social skills. You will once be able to write about a girlfriend, I'm sure of it, you just need confidence. 
I'll type more when I get back from work this evening.


----------



## Justin Bailey

Got drunk (first time in a couple months) with my friend last night, we ended up making out a ton and just teasing each other when we were laying on the floor going to sleep. God it was nice making out with a chick, it had been far too long. I'm worried about what this will mean for our friendship, but we both seem okay for now.


----------



## arktan

groph said:


> Alright fuck it, I'm posting in this thread, vulnerabilitymode = on. This is probably going to put me in one of my terrible depressive states. You guys appear to be reasonably accepting people so bear with me, I'm throwing a lot of shit out here. I'm completely fucked up.
> 
> Been around the friendzone block in high school, hurt, came to the conclusion that there's just something fundamentally wrong with me that will forever prevent me from experiencing intimacy and emotional connection with anybody ever. Resorted to online dating advice. Discovered that, according to the advice, my personality was simply the wrong type. As a quiet, introverted, "sensitive" person, I'll just repel girls my entire life, same old "nice guy losing to the bad boy" dynamic again and again ad nauseum as that's all you ever read online, ever.
> 
> I get to university and I figure since my school is 80% female I'm bound to meet someone, I guess I'll get a girlfriend through osmosis or something. I'm too shy to initiate anything. This has gotten somewhat better but I'll get to that in a minute. At this point I'm 18 and feeling terrible whenever a pretty girl walks into my class. Rather than feel encouraged to talk to her, I feel down on myself because I know I'll never have a chance and I just start associating attractive girls with hopeless feelings of intense loneliness. Some fucked up fat ugly chick has a crush on me, she's all passive aggressive and generally atrocious. This never amounted to anything more than her guilting me into sitting down with her for lunch, something I shouldn't have done; I should have called her guilt trip out and told her to fuck off. I met a nice girl in my statistics class lab and we talk in class, she laughs at what I say but of course I don't attempt to pursue anything because surely she'd never like me in that way.
> 
> In my second year I'm pretty much secure with the fact that I am the way I am, I'm not going to try to radically alter my "incorrect" personality, society can suck my dick (or not, apparently). Another large girl, we'll call her K - in a women's studies class I'm in starts talking to me out of nowhere. She has a pretty face and a seemingly outgoing personality, she sort of overwhelmed me at first, I was a bit scared of her when talking. Really upfront type. I have a slight feeling that she's interested in me but again, "Nah, you're you and therefore she's probably not interested. Besides, she's kind of fat." Nothing of any significance happened in my second year, either.
> 
> In my third year I receive my academic awakening when I took the best course I've ever taken, a contemporary sociological theory course that all sociology majors need to take. We read this awesome critical theory textbook and the course gave me some ammunition which I could use to voice my opinions about what I take issue with in our society, thoughts I've had pretty much my entire life. A pubcrawl comes up in November, and K got my phone number from another female friend of mine, D. I go to the pubcrawl, and apparently K wanted to try to hook me up with her roommate. A month or two later, D tells me that she's having a movie night at her place, with her boyfriend and K is going to be there. It sounded strangely like a double date and it was. I figured out that K did like me so I figured "what the hell, let's date and see where this goes." K and I dated for 3 months or so, she was growing on me and she really seemed to like me. No more was I spending nights alone in bed battling with feelings of crippling loneliness and personal inadequacy, calling myself pathetic and crying myself to sleep on a number of occasions. We dated and had fun, then in April K texts me and cuts it off. She had a bad relationship in the past, she thought she was ready to move on but she wasn't, she still wanted to be friends, etc etc. I'm inclined to believe her but every other indication says that if a girl ever says to you "let's be friends" that means that she specifically does not want a relationship/sex with you, ever. If I saw K right now, if she walked into my room, I'd probably vomit and punch a giant hole in my wall. There's no way I could tactfully communicate with her because she is the closest I've gotten to a girlfriend, I got a slight taste of what that was like, something I've longed for and am longing for even more now, and I feel like she cut things off without giving me a fair chance. Granted, it never got serious and she was ridiculously busy with 3 jobs, school, and apparently a bit of a messed up family life, I gather she has some serious baggage but she's never told me anything about that so I have no idea. I didn't get to see her as much as I wanted but of course my tendency is to think "Shit, a girl actually likes you. This is as good as it's ever going to get so deal with it."
> 
> Over the years, I've felt completely emotionally deprived because I've never gotten close to girls in "that way," and I'm not talking about just sex. When I am alone with my thoughts, I am in serious danger of slipping into a depression where I tear apart the fibre of my being, calling myself terrible things and believing them. *It might get a bit heavy here, I'm really putting myself out on a limb, I'm trusting you guys as a board to understand. *These depressions get intense enough that I repeatedly hit myself in the face or anywhere that feels appropriate. I try not to bruise myself since I don't want people to ask, but I've given myself countless nosebleeds if I happen to hit my nose. Doing this serves to calm me somewhat. Just last week I had a slip-up (I vowed to never hit myself a couple of years ago and I was doing well for a while) and started punching my mattress like crazy. My body tensed up that I gave myself a nosebleed (I get them easily) and bled on the sheets. I went into the bathroom and bled into the sink, sobbing hopelessly while my mother was a few rooms over with headphones on, oblivious. My anger rose and rose and I beat the shit out of myself, splattering blood all over the bathroom wall and nearly broke my nose. Watching the blood pour into the sink and the throbbing pain from the punches silenced what was going on in my head so all I could do was stand there and bleed, breathing heavily, completely enraged at myself for being/feeling so inept and lonely while all I do is cry about it and despair. It's a feedback loop. I feel worse for not doing anything. I don't tell people about this stuff usually, since "guys don't talk about this shit" let alone cry about it. I thought I was emotionally in touch with myself but the truth is, I have no idea what I'm feeling. When I'm in a depression I really can't pin down any one feeling. All I know is that the intense anger at being sad follows, usually with harmful consequences. I don't deserve any of this.
> 
> I'm posting this in the relationships thread because my lack of a love life is pretty much what sparks these episodes and it's become a huge issue for me over the years. I desperately want to meet someone I can connect to but I feel that I just never will.
> 
> EDIT: tl;dr, I probably need therapy. Also, it took a lot to click "send." Don't tell me to "man up," don't call me pathetic, I've said worse shit about myself to myself than any of you can conjure, I don't need a second opinion. I probably do need professional help but I don't know how to go about asking because I don't want to put my parents through the anguish of knowing that their only son is completely fucked up and may be suicidal in a couple of years if things don't improve. Anyone who gives constructive advice or shares a common experience will be appreciated.



No "i understand" or anything in that direction from me. There is one thing i can tell you though:

Spend a few days in the forest (only day-trips, don't sleep outdoors without the proper equipment and experience and NEVER go alone if you're going for a few days in a row).

It helps me when i have stuff on my mind (put mildly). Try to comprehend the forest as a whole system and try to see patterns there. It always gives me strength, maybe it'll work for you too.
And yeah, always tell someone where you're going before you go and take a whistle and your phone with you, just in case.


----------



## Prydogga

Justin Bailey said:


> Got drunk (first time in a couple months) with my friend last night, we ended up making out a ton and just teasing each other when we were laying on the floor going to sleep. God it was nice making out with a chick, it had been far too long. I'm worried about what this will mean for our friendship, but we both seem okay for now.



First of all, good on you for drinking only the first time in a while. 

Secondly, I'm in the same boat. got with a female friend the other week, and she's actually really into me, and I'm just not feeling a relationship. I feel like an ass but I'm staying distant. Apparently it's what we do.


----------



## flo

groph said:


> Alright fuck it, I'm posting in this thread, vulnerabilitymode = on. This is probably going to put me in one of my terrible depressive states. You guys appear to be reasonably accepting people so bear with me, I'm throwing a lot of shit out here. I'm completely fucked up.
> 
> Been around the friendzone block in high school, hurt, came to the conclusion that there's just something fundamentally wrong with me that will forever prevent me from experiencing intimacy and emotional connection with anybody ever. Resorted to online dating advice. Discovered that, according to the advice, my personality was simply the wrong type. As a quiet, introverted, "sensitive" person, I'll just repel girls my entire life, same old "nice guy losing to the bad boy" dynamic again and again ad nauseum as that's all you ever read online, ever.
> 
> I get to university and I figure since my school is 80% female I'm bound to meet someone, I guess I'll get a girlfriend through osmosis or something. I'm too shy to initiate anything. This has gotten somewhat better but I'll get to that in a minute. At this point I'm 18 and feeling terrible whenever a pretty girl walks into my class. Rather than feel encouraged to talk to her, I feel down on myself because I know I'll never have a chance and I just start associating attractive girls with hopeless feelings of intense loneliness. Some fucked up fat ugly chick has a crush on me, she's all passive aggressive and generally atrocious. This never amounted to anything more than her guilting me into sitting down with her for lunch, something I shouldn't have done; I should have called her guilt trip out and told her to fuck off. I met a nice girl in my statistics class lab and we talk in class, she laughs at what I say but of course I don't attempt to pursue anything because surely she'd never like me in that way.
> 
> In my second year I'm pretty much secure with the fact that I am the way I am, I'm not going to try to radically alter my "incorrect" personality, society can suck my dick (or not, apparently). Another large girl, we'll call her K - in a women's studies class I'm in starts talking to me out of nowhere. She has a pretty face and a seemingly outgoing personality, she sort of overwhelmed me at first, I was a bit scared of her when talking. Really upfront type. I have a slight feeling that she's interested in me but again, "Nah, you're you and therefore she's probably not interested. Besides, she's kind of fat." Nothing of any significance happened in my second year, either.
> 
> In my third year I receive my academic awakening when I took the best course I've ever taken, a contemporary sociological theory course that all sociology majors need to take. We read this awesome critical theory textbook and the course gave me some ammunition which I could use to voice my opinions about what I take issue with in our society, thoughts I've had pretty much my entire life. A pubcrawl comes up in November, and K got my phone number from another female friend of mine, D. I go to the pubcrawl, and apparently K wanted to try to hook me up with her roommate. A month or two later, D tells me that she's having a movie night at her place, with her boyfriend and K is going to be there. It sounded strangely like a double date and it was. I figured out that K did like me so I figured "what the hell, let's date and see where this goes." K and I dated for 3 months or so, she was growing on me and she really seemed to like me. No more was I spending nights alone in bed battling with feelings of crippling loneliness and personal inadequacy, calling myself pathetic and crying myself to sleep on a number of occasions. We dated and had fun, then in April K texts me and cuts it off. She had a bad relationship in the past, she thought she was ready to move on but she wasn't, she still wanted to be friends, etc etc. I'm inclined to believe her but every other indication says that if a girl ever says to you "let's be friends" that means that she specifically does not want a relationship/sex with you, ever. If I saw K right now, if she walked into my room, I'd probably vomit and punch a giant hole in my wall. There's no way I could tactfully communicate with her because she is the closest I've gotten to a girlfriend, I got a slight taste of what that was like, something I've longed for and am longing for even more now, and I feel like she cut things off without giving me a fair chance. Granted, it never got serious and she was ridiculously busy with 3 jobs, school, and apparently a bit of a messed up family life, I gather she has some serious baggage but she's never told me anything about that so I have no idea. I didn't get to see her as much as I wanted but of course my tendency is to think "Shit, a girl actually likes you. This is as good as it's ever going to get so deal with it."
> 
> Over the years, I've felt completely emotionally deprived because I've never gotten close to girls in "that way," and I'm not talking about just sex. When I am alone with my thoughts, I am in serious danger of slipping into a depression where I tear apart the fibre of my being, calling myself terrible things and believing them. *It might get a bit heavy here, I'm really putting myself out on a limb, I'm trusting you guys as a board to understand. *These depressions get intense enough that I repeatedly hit myself in the face or anywhere that feels appropriate. I try not to bruise myself since I don't want people to ask, but I've given myself countless nosebleeds if I happen to hit my nose. Doing this serves to calm me somewhat. Just last week I had a slip-up (I vowed to never hit myself a couple of years ago and I was doing well for a while) and started punching my mattress like crazy. My body tensed up that I gave myself a nosebleed (I get them easily) and bled on the sheets. I went into the bathroom and bled into the sink, sobbing hopelessly while my mother was a few rooms over with headphones on, oblivious. My anger rose and rose and I beat the shit out of myself, splattering blood all over the bathroom wall and nearly broke my nose. Watching the blood pour into the sink and the throbbing pain from the punches silenced what was going on in my head so all I could do was stand there and bleed, breathing heavily, completely enraged at myself for being/feeling so inept and lonely while all I do is cry about it and despair. It's a feedback loop. I feel worse for not doing anything. I don't tell people about this stuff usually, since "guys don't talk about this shit" let alone cry about it. I thought I was emotionally in touch with myself but the truth is, I have no idea what I'm feeling. When I'm in a depression I really can't pin down any one feeling. All I know is that the intense anger at being sad follows, usually with harmful consequences. I don't deserve any of this.
> 
> I'm posting this in the relationships thread because my lack of a love life is pretty much what sparks these episodes and it's become a huge issue for me over the years. I desperately want to meet someone I can connect to but I feel that I just never will.
> 
> EDIT: tl;dr, I probably need therapy. Also, it took a lot to click "send." Don't tell me to "man up," don't call me pathetic, I've said worse shit about myself to myself than any of you can conjure, I don't need a second opinion. I probably do need professional help but I don't know how to go about asking because I don't want to put my parents through the anguish of knowing that their only son is completely fucked up and may be suicidal in a couple of years if things don't improve. Anyone who gives constructive advice or shares a common experience will be appreciated.




Hey groph,

I see that you've got a number of things to struggle with. I applaud your courage to post about it here.

I only want to tell you that you're not alone, and that being violent against yourself is nothing to be ashamed for. Feelings need to be expressed one way or another. Take it as an indicator that something goes wrong, but it's just the indicator, not a problem itself. It's quite common, I know quite some people who do this. I was very bad at dealing with anger and feeling helpless myself. What worked for me was to work out regularly. Two and a half hours of workout, three times a week (or more if you need to) does wonders. It doesn't solve anything, but you'll be feeling so much better.


Sorry I guess that's about all I can say right now, just do me this one favor, don't feel bad about what you're doing to yourself, believe me it gets better the moment you accept it.


----------



## Justin Bailey

Prydogga said:


> First of all, good on you for drinking only the first time in a while.
> 
> Secondly, I'm in the same boat. got with a female friend the other week, and she's actually really into me, and I'm just not feeling a relationship. I feel like an ass but I'm staying distant. Apparently it's what we do.



 for sure, man, I really don't miss drinking like a sailor, one night was more than enough to make me remember that haha.

My friend is pretty into me too, I love her to death, but I'm in the same boat, dunno if I'm really into a relationship right now, we'll see what happens. God it was fun, at least.


----------



## groph

To those of you who responded, thanks.

I doubt anybody has perfect mental health, there's so much shit that can go wrong.

Ugh. I should get myself in to a therapist some time this summer. I've always rejected the idea of going somewhere and having somebody go on like they know what I'm thinking but surely that's not what it's like at all. I'd go at least to just get another perspective, maybe there's some angle I haven't covered yet. I self analyze all the time, usually with disastrous results. I need to learn to be comfortable and happy while single.

It appears that one of the cruel ironies of life is that the more you want to be with someone, the less likely it is that it's going to happen.


----------



## caskettheclown

metal_sam14 said:


> once in a long term relationship, you will master the ability to be able to masturbate in the same bed as your partner without waking them
> 
> 
> only then will you be a true master of ones sword



Glad to know there isn't anything wrong with it.

Also i've already mastered that.


----------



## Justin Bailey

Welp, it's complicated and I feel like a dick, now. Awesome.


----------



## JohnIce

Seriously guys... you know about Cosmopolitan, that huge magazine that pretty much every woman everywhere reads and follows religiously? ...well I'm in it 

(point 7 recommends my band)
Hitlistan - juli | Cosmopolitan

If there's a better pickup line than that, let me know


----------



## soliloquy

Joeywilson said:


> Found best woman. Prettiest and coolest ever. Taking her out on Thursday, is Dinner and a movie too much for a first date?
> 
> She said that she heard that I'm an agree-er (I'm not) and she hinted at wanting me to show her that I can actually make decisions So I told her I wouldn't tell her what we're going to do on Thursday. I really don't want to scare her off by coming on too strong but at the same time I really like doing big things like dinner-movie-then beach maybe (possibly).
> 
> It's not a 'first date' first date because we hung out last night at some show and we deeked to get some coffee/hang out and get our portrait drawn by some crack head.



this is prolly a bit late, but you could go over the 'first date' in two ways. just go to the movies, and then walk/drive her home. OR, skip the movie, go to the beach, hang out for a bit, then walk/drive her home. nothing special. just relax, and let things happen. good luck



































as for you gorph, you'll get over it. i know it seems stupid, but i learned it the hard way. in highschool i REALLY loved this girl. she was my friends sister. over time, she became a very close friend of mine, and we constantly talked. i'm not sure if she 'friend-zoned' me or not, but i said, 'fuck it', lets go ask her out. on the day of, she severed herself out of my life. she cut off any and every communication with me, and gave me a cold shoulder. 

over the next three years, i mentally hit rock bottom while trying to figure out where i went wrong. i went through everything in my mind, with EVERY possible scenario, and i got nothing. 

it took me another year to realize that she actually helped me in so many ways that no matter how hard i try, i will never be able to thank her for it. from her cutting me off, and not giving me a reason to improve myself, i significantly changed. not to get her back, but i changed because i realized how i could improve myself in any and every situation possible. again, nothing was wrong with me to begin with, but theres always room for improvement. 

i started seeing the world in a MUCH different way. even though she wasn't in my life anymore, i 'started seeing credits from a different angle' so to speak. i started finding beauty in the smallest things that usually go unseen by the world, and this made me appreciate anything and everything that either relates to me, or doesn't. 

i started seeing things i started liking in people i previously hated. let em be fat, ugly, pretentious, arrogant, stupid, whatever it may be, i started seeing them differently too. 

in getting a natural high from the world, and being in a strange state of acceptance, i met this girl, who once again changed my life. i've been dating her for over 3 years now, and i can not be any happier. 

what i recommend you doing is change your scenery. if you're always using the same seat in class, or the same seat in bus, or going to the same bathroom or whatever, change it! take different routes home, try different restaurants, jobs, theaters, movies that you normally wouldnt be into it. ignore getting a relationship, as if you make that your priority, you will sound like a fucker off of 'american pie' who only cares for pussy and nothing else. 

just go out and enjoy your life. if a relationship comes, then it comes. if not, then whatever. 

at the same time, if you are to ask someone out, do it VERY casually. dont make it official by writing it in stone, but ask her like 'hey, lets do coffee sometime!' or if you wanna ask her out, then ask her out very casually where she will feel comfortable, and as will you to get a 'no'. if she turns you down, then who cares? 

you could also start flirting as well. not to get anything out of it, but you see a cute coffee maker at starbucks, complement her, or flirt with her. 'nice smile' or hair or whatever it may be. 

feel comfortable in your shoes, then worry about the world, as it will come. dont care about the destination, but how you get there.


----------



## metal_sam14

I have a date Saturday night, about fucking time if you ask me


----------



## tacotiklah

Before I divulge, know that this may be the most difficult time Ive ever had with hitting that post button owing to the fact that Im opening pandora's box here. But Ive always had a dgaf attitude so here goes nothing:

Recently discovered that Im bisexual. Was a serious blow to me at the moment of first discovery and weeks later, still in shock. But some google fu has really helped me out in processing it. I also figured that this was the most appropriate place to put this, and didnt feel that a whole new thread was necessary. Not willing to go into specifics about what i like or into here. (this is a guitar forum, not a bath house.  ) but am positive I go both ways. Came out to 3 of my most trusted friends and have had amazing support. One of said trusted people is a girl that I have a huge crush on, but cant do anything with until she moves out here. (feelings are mutual) She has been the most helpful and this newfound discovery of mine has not diminished her feelings for me in the least. Damn that girl is amazing. So there you guys have it. As trivial as it may sound, my biggest fear is seeing my nice green rep board turn red and get filled with comments like 'fuck off fag' and whatnot. Crazy I know. 

Oh and in b4 drak and necris scream "I KNEW IT!!!!"


----------



## Varcolac

Not a bath-house? Shit, I'd better put my trousers back on.

Well done for coming out. That takes courage. If anyone gives you negative feedback for whatever turns you on, they get their "metal" card revoked. So long as it's between consenting adults and everyone's enjoying themselves, there's no wrong way to get off.


----------



## flo

JohnIce said:


> Seriously guys... you know about Cosmopolitan, that huge magazine that pretty much every woman everywhere reads and follows religiously? ...well I'm in it
> 
> (point 7 recommends my band)
> Hitlistan - juli | Cosmopolitan
> 
> If there's a better pickup line than that, let me know




Twinflowers?

Grattis =)

If there was a better pickup line you'd know it, so -> no


----------



## tacotiklah

Varcolac said:


> Not a bath-house? Shit, I'd better put my trousers back on.
> 
> Well done for coming out. That takes courage. If anyone gives you negative feedback for whatever turns you on, they get their "metal" card revoked. So long as it's between consenting adults and everyone's enjoying themselves, there's no wrong way to get off.




Thank you so much man! Was starting to think I made a terrible mistake posting that. I considered even nuking the post. But I figure that I did nothing wrong, so I got no reason to feel guilty. Guts or not, I spend a fair portion of my life on this forum so it was inevitable I did this. Better it happen on my own terms, than to slip up in a random thread or something. 

Its weird that I wont tell more than 3 people in person, but will tell a bunch of relative strangers on a message board.


----------



## Devotion

ghstofperdition said:


> Thank you so much man! Was starting to think I made a terrible mistake posting that. I considered even nuking the post. But I figure that I did nothing wrong, so I got no reason to feel guilty. Guts or not, I spend a fair portion of my life on this forum so it was inevitable I did this. Better it happen on my own terms, than to slip up in a random thread or something.
> 
> Its weird that I wont tell more than 3 people in person, but will tell a bunch of relative strangers on a message board.



I think you're rep bar will just grow, not diminish. People on this forum seem quite open-minded, and showing the guts to post this on a metal forum knowing that you could be excluded and called a fag just earns you respect man.


----------



## soliloquy

ghstofperdition said:


> Before I divulge, know that this may be the most difficult time Ive ever had with hitting that post button owing to the fact that Im opening pandora's box here. But Ive always had a dgaf attitude so here goes nothing:
> 
> Recently discovered that Im bisexual. Was a serious blow to me at the moment of first discovery and weeks later, still in shock. But some google fu has really helped me out in processing it. I also figured that this was the most appropriate place to put this, and didnt feel that a whole new thread was necessary. Not willing to go into specifics about what i like or into here. (this is a guitar forum, not a bath house.  ) but am positive I go both ways. Came out to 3 of my most trusted friends and have had amazing support. One of said trusted people is a girl that I have a huge crush on, but cant do anything with until she moves out here. (feelings are mutual) She has been the most helpful and this newfound discovery of mine has not diminished her feelings for me in the least. Damn that girl is amazing. So there you guys have it. As trivial as it may sound, my biggest fear is seeing my nice green rep board turn red and get filled with comments like 'fuck off fag' and whatnot. Crazy I know.
> 
> Oh and in b4 drak and necris scream "I KNEW IT!!!!"



i'm not drak, nor necris...though i'm sure they are nice folks
but I KNEW IT!!!!! 

and i assure you, if someone does give you neg rep, then contact me. i'll find a reason to give you a positive rep to balance it out


----------



## tacotiklah

Bahahahahahaha!!!!!! 
U arent the first to say that to me. 

And thanks man. Looking at it now, I think Id actually lmao at any neg rep now because it would be over something so insignificant. Not to minimize the pressures or stigmata that comes with this new change, but ive never saw the point in being angry over a persons preference. Be it music or anything else. But thats just me.


----------



## vampiregenocide

I am now off the market. Fuck yeah.


----------



## tacotiklah

vampiregenocide said:


> I am now off the market. Fuck yeah.



Saw that on fb. Congrats man!


----------



## soliloquy

ghstofperdition said:


> Bahahahahahaha!!!!!!
> U arent the first to say that to me.
> 
> And thanks man. Looking at it now, I think Id actually lmao at any neg rep now because it would be over something so insignificant. Not to minimize the pressures or stigmata that comes with this new change, but ive never saw the point in being angry over a persons preference. Be it music or anything else. But thats just me.



you know...for lulz, i COULD give you a neg rep, then balance it out with a positive rep


----------



## tacotiklah

soliloquy said:


> you know...for lulz, i COULD give you a neg rep, then balance it out with a positive rep



Gopher it.


----------



## Prydogga

Justin Bailey said:


> for sure, man, I really don't miss drinking like a sailor, one night was more than enough to make me remember that haha.
> 
> My friend is pretty into me too, I love her to death, but I'm in the same boat, dunno if I'm really into a relationship right now, we'll see what happens. God it was fun, at least.



Yeah pretty much my feelings right now. We hooked up again last night, I was really trying to avoid doing so, but it was fun. Still not sure what I think of all this.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

groph said:


> Alright fuck it, I'm posting in this thread, vulnerabilitymode = on. This is probably going to put me in one of my terrible depressive states. You guys appear to be reasonably accepting people so bear with me, I'm throwing a lot of shit out here. I'm completely fucked up.
> 
> Been around the friendzone block in high school, hurt, came to the conclusion that there's just something fundamentally wrong with me that will forever prevent me from experiencing intimacy and emotional connection with anybody ever. Resorted to online dating advice. Discovered that, according to the advice, my personality was simply the wrong type. As a quiet, introverted, "sensitive" person, I'll just repel girls my entire life, same old "nice guy losing to the bad boy" dynamic again and again ad nauseum as that's all you ever read online, ever.
> 
> I get to university and I figure since my school is 80% female I'm bound to meet someone, I guess I'll get a girlfriend through osmosis or something. I'm too shy to initiate anything. This has gotten somewhat better but I'll get to that in a minute. At this point I'm 18 and feeling terrible whenever a pretty girl walks into my class. Rather than feel encouraged to talk to her, I feel down on myself because I know I'll never have a chance and I just start associating attractive girls with hopeless feelings of intense loneliness. Some fucked up fat ugly chick has a crush on me, she's all passive aggressive and generally atrocious. This never amounted to anything more than her guilting me into sitting down with her for lunch, something I shouldn't have done; I should have called her guilt trip out and told her to fuck off. I met a nice girl in my statistics class lab and we talk in class, she laughs at what I say but of course I don't attempt to pursue anything because surely she'd never like me in that way.
> 
> In my second year I'm pretty much secure with the fact that I am the way I am, I'm not going to try to radically alter my "incorrect" personality, society can suck my dick (or not, apparently). Another large girl, we'll call her K - in a women's studies class I'm in starts talking to me out of nowhere. She has a pretty face and a seemingly outgoing personality, she sort of overwhelmed me at first, I was a bit scared of her when talking. Really upfront type. I have a slight feeling that she's interested in me but again, "Nah, you're you and therefore she's probably not interested. Besides, she's kind of fat." Nothing of any significance happened in my second year, either.
> 
> In my third year I receive my academic awakening when I took the best course I've ever taken, a contemporary sociological theory course that all sociology majors need to take. We read this awesome critical theory textbook and the course gave me some ammunition which I could use to voice my opinions about what I take issue with in our society, thoughts I've had pretty much my entire life. A pubcrawl comes up in November, and K got my phone number from another female friend of mine, D. I go to the pubcrawl, and apparently K wanted to try to hook me up with her roommate. A month or two later, D tells me that she's having a movie night at her place, with her boyfriend and K is going to be there. It sounded strangely like a double date and it was. I figured out that K did like me so I figured "what the hell, let's date and see where this goes." K and I dated for 3 months or so, she was growing on me and she really seemed to like me. No more was I spending nights alone in bed battling with feelings of crippling loneliness and personal inadequacy, calling myself pathetic and crying myself to sleep on a number of occasions. We dated and had fun, then in April K texts me and cuts it off. She had a bad relationship in the past, she thought she was ready to move on but she wasn't, she still wanted to be friends, etc etc. I'm inclined to believe her but every other indication says that if a girl ever says to you "let's be friends" that means that she specifically does not want a relationship/sex with you, ever. If I saw K right now, if she walked into my room, I'd probably vomit and punch a giant hole in my wall. There's no way I could tactfully communicate with her because she is the closest I've gotten to a girlfriend, I got a slight taste of what that was like, something I've longed for and am longing for even more now, and I feel like she cut things off without giving me a fair chance. Granted, it never got serious and she was ridiculously busy with 3 jobs, school, and apparently a bit of a messed up family life, I gather she has some serious baggage but she's never told me anything about that so I have no idea. I didn't get to see her as much as I wanted but of course my tendency is to think "Shit, a girl actually likes you. This is as good as it's ever going to get so deal with it."
> 
> Over the years, I've felt completely emotionally deprived because I've never gotten close to girls in "that way," and I'm not talking about just sex. When I am alone with my thoughts, I am in serious danger of slipping into a depression where I tear apart the fibre of my being, calling myself terrible things and believing them. *It might get a bit heavy here, I'm really putting myself out on a limb, I'm trusting you guys as a board to understand. *These depressions get intense enough that I repeatedly hit myself in the face or anywhere that feels appropriate. I try not to bruise myself since I don't want people to ask, but I've given myself countless nosebleeds if I happen to hit my nose. Doing this serves to calm me somewhat. Just last week I had a slip-up (I vowed to never hit myself a couple of years ago and I was doing well for a while) and started punching my mattress like crazy. My body tensed up that I gave myself a nosebleed (I get them easily) and bled on the sheets. I went into the bathroom and bled into the sink, sobbing hopelessly while my mother was a few rooms over with headphones on, oblivious. My anger rose and rose and I beat the shit out of myself, splattering blood all over the bathroom wall and nearly broke my nose. Watching the blood pour into the sink and the throbbing pain from the punches silenced what was going on in my head so all I could do was stand there and bleed, breathing heavily, completely enraged at myself for being/feeling so inept and lonely while all I do is cry about it and despair. It's a feedback loop. I feel worse for not doing anything. I don't tell people about this stuff usually, since "guys don't talk about this shit" let alone cry about it. I thought I was emotionally in touch with myself but the truth is, I have no idea what I'm feeling. When I'm in a depression I really can't pin down any one feeling. All I know is that the intense anger at being sad follows, usually with harmful consequences. I don't deserve any of this.
> 
> I'm posting this in the relationships thread because my lack of a love life is pretty much what sparks these episodes and it's become a huge issue for me over the years. I desperately want to meet someone I can connect to but I feel that I just never will.
> 
> EDIT: tl;dr, I probably need therapy. Also, it took a lot to click "send." Don't tell me to "man up," don't call me pathetic, I've said worse shit about myself to myself than any of you can conjure, I don't need a second opinion. I probably do need professional help but I don't know how to go about asking because I don't want to put my parents through the anguish of knowing that their only son is completely fucked up and may be suicidal in a couple of years if things don't improve. Anyone who gives constructive advice or shares a common experience will be appreciated.



I can't help you at all here, it's not my domain, whilst I have ofc the normal beta-as-fuck internet metal fan basement dweller insecurity when it comes to girls it's like a grain of sand in comparison to a red giant compared to the magnitude of what you've experienced.

But that took testicles of reinforced titanium to post. You're a stronger person than you might think and I wish you the best.


----------



## groph

ghstofperdition said:


> Before I divulge, know that this may be the most difficult time Ive ever had with hitting that post button owing to the fact that Im opening pandora's box here. But Ive always had a dgaf attitude so here goes nothing:
> 
> Recently discovered that Im bisexual. Was a serious blow to me at the moment of first discovery and weeks later, still in shock. But some google fu has really helped me out in processing it. I also figured that this was the most appropriate place to put this, and didnt feel that a whole new thread was necessary. Not willing to go into specifics about what i like or into here. (this is a guitar forum, not a bath house.  ) but am positive I go both ways. Came out to 3 of my most trusted friends and have had amazing support. One of said trusted people is a girl that I have a huge crush on, but cant do anything with until she moves out here. (feelings are mutual) She has been the most helpful and this newfound discovery of mine has not diminished her feelings for me in the least. Damn that girl is amazing. So there you guys have it. As trivial as it may sound, my biggest fear is seeing my nice green rep board turn red and get filled with comments like 'fuck off fag' and whatnot. Crazy I know.
> 
> Oh and in b4 drak and necris scream "I KNEW IT!!!!"



Lol, you won't get that here, half the board is secretly/openly gay. I'd be straight up appalled if people gave you shit for being who you are. It's awesome that this girl supports you, generally a girl wouldn't trust a bisexual guy because if you've had even an inkling of attraction to another guy that means that you are definitely 100% gay. It's either-or for guys, you're either 100% gay or 100% straight, and do we (guys) ever police each other like crazy to ensure that we're all 100% straight. The big Kinsey sexuality survey made it pretty clear that people are rarely exclusively any one "orientation" or another and it's not uncommon at all to feel things for a same-sex person. I don't even see the point in classifying people as any sexual orientation or classifying body parts as "sexual" or not. A lot of human behaviour can be sexual, yet we only allow a very narrow band of sex in our society. Of course you probably felt tremendous pressure to deny that you might be bisexual because it's pretty much like admitting full on homosexuality and you don't want to be denied your identity. I'm of the opinion that anybody should be allowed to sexually express themselves in any way, so long as it's consensual and non-exploitative in nature. Not to have a "zen-er than thou" opinion of all this stuff, I'm just sick of how we hate sex around here.

EDIT: It's almost not even like you're coming out, you're just admitting that you can possibly experience more sex than what our society allows, and are brave enough to admit it. Congratulations either way, you probably feel much better after coming to terms with yourself. It's incredible how outside pressures can cause you to deny yourself.


----------



## groph

Captain Shoggoth said:


> I can't help you at all here, it's not my domain, whilst I have ofc the normal beta-as-fuck internet metal fan basement dweller insecurity when it comes to girls it's like a grain of sand in comparison to a red giant compared to the magnitude of what you've experienced.
> 
> But that took testicles of reinforced titanium to post. You're a stronger person than you might think and I wish you the best.



Don't even get me started with how much I take issue with the "alpha vs beta" thing, we're not bloody cavemen and these kinds of essentialist arguments (that's just the way we are naturally) are just circular reasoning, bending over and letting the status quo have its way with you. Before you assume something is "natural," just really think about it. Are other cultures like that? We control the fuck out of sex around here, and sex becomes equated with dominance and being somehow better than other people. Girls buy into that too, going after the supposed "alphas." 

You'd probably be fine around girls if you're in your element, doing what you enjoy doing, not somewhere where you're analyzing every last thing you do, since the more you try it seems the more you fuck things up with this sort of thing.

EDIT: I'm not calling you out or anything, I'm just a "sensitive male feminist."


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

ghstofperdition said:


> Before I divulge, know that this may be the most difficult time Ive ever had with hitting that post button owing to the fact that Im opening pandora's box here. But Ive always had a dgaf attitude so here goes nothing:
> 
> Recently discovered that Im bisexual. Was a serious blow to me at the moment of first discovery and weeks later, still in shock. But some google fu has really helped me out in processing it. I also figured that this was the most appropriate place to put this, and didnt feel that a whole new thread was necessary. Not willing to go into specifics about what i like or into here. (this is a guitar forum, not a bath house.  ) but am positive I go both ways. Came out to 3 of my most trusted friends and have had amazing support. One of said trusted people is a girl that I have a huge crush on, but cant do anything with until she moves out here. (feelings are mutual) She has been the most helpful and this newfound discovery of mine has not diminished her feelings for me in the least. Damn that girl is amazing. So there you guys have it. As trivial as it may sound, my biggest fear is seeing my nice green rep board turn red and get filled with comments like 'fuck off fag' and whatnot. Crazy I know.
> 
> Oh and in b4 drak and necris scream "I KNEW IT!!!!"



I wasn't going to say I knew it..geez I'm not that mean.. I will say that I'm glad you're having positive responses.

































Oh and one more thing


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

ghstofperdition said:


> Before I divulge, know that this may be the most difficult time Ive ever had with hitting that post button owing to the fact that Im opening pandora's box here. But Ive always had a dgaf attitude so here goes nothing:
> 
> Recently discovered that Im bisexual. Was a serious blow to me at the moment of first discovery and weeks later, still in shock. But some google fu has really helped me out in processing it. I also figured that this was the most appropriate place to put this, and didnt feel that a whole new thread was necessary. Not willing to go into specifics about what i like or into here. (this is a guitar forum, not a bath house.  ) but am positive I go both ways. Came out to 3 of my most trusted friends and have had amazing support. One of said trusted people is a girl that I have a huge crush on, but cant do anything with until she moves out here. (feelings are mutual) She has been the most helpful and this newfound discovery of mine has not diminished her feelings for me in the least. Damn that girl is amazing. So there you guys have it. As trivial as it may sound, my biggest fear is seeing my nice green rep board turn red and get filled with comments like 'fuck off fag' and whatnot. Crazy I know.
> 
> Oh and in b4 drak and necris scream "I KNEW IT!!!!"




One of my best friends (he's also my bassist) came out as bisexual a few months ago, rep for being cool with yourself dude  (I hope you're not like him though, he's gone from being a rampant womaniser to a rampant everything-that-breathes-iser ) 



groph said:


> Don't even get me started with how much I take issue with the "alpha vs beta" thing, we're not bloody cavemen and these kinds of essentialist arguments (that's just the way we are naturally) are just circular reasoning, bending over and letting the status quo have its way with you. Before you assume something is "natural," just really think about it. Are other cultures like that? We control the fuck out of sex around here, and sex becomes equated with dominance and being somehow better than other people. Girls buy into that too, going after the supposed "alphas."
> 
> You'd probably be fine around girls if you're in your element, doing what you enjoy doing, not somewhere where you're analyzing every last thing you do, since the more you try it seems the more you fuck things up with this sort of thing.
> 
> EDIT: I'm not calling you out or anything, I'm just a "sensitive male feminist."



Sorry, I was generalising, it was dumb to do that, I of all people know there's no actual distinction between the two, I'm the epitome of alpha to some of my friends  It was a dumb thing to say. I dunno about the last bit, I kind of share the self-deprecating mindset of "what the hell no girl could ever like me lolololol *forever alone*" it's some random fact of life my brain has decided to come up with and I'm having trouble shaking. 

That said, there is a girl I like and reading this thread's given me a new outlook on a couple of things. I'll see what happens come September. Peace dude, I hope you can overcome your demons.


----------



## tacotiklah

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> I wasn't going to say I knew it..geez I'm not that mean.. I will say that I'm glad you're having positive responses.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Oh and one more thing



Well as you may remember, we are both notorious for gaying up the chatroom and IIRC, you even called me out on it. Your gaydar is dead accurate. lmao

So thats why I figured you would say I knew it.
And no, I still have no interest in hearing the ocean in my ass, so put the rapist pic away. Or at least tell me Im pretty first. 

@groph
Fair point and an interesting one too. Ive noticed there is a semi steady flow of these coming out threads/posts. Sso orgy anyone? 

And the weird thing about this is that my tastes fluctuate like crazy. Like one week Im scoping out women and the next week its all about guys. Back and forth ad naseum. It drives me insane tbvh. But I will say this: It really IS like seeing the world with a different set of eyes. Or like waking up for the first time. The question of whether or not you would hit it takes on a whole new dimension and it is really cool tbvh. Btw, my kinsey score is 2. Im known as a heteroflex. (straight with gay tendencies) Essentially I date/have relationships with women, but if a guy made a move on me while im single, Id hit it. Right out the fuckin park.


----------



## tacotiklah

And yeah, Im an everything-that-moves-izer.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

...and ready to close my eyes and rest.

I don't mind the work that goes into a relationship. I mind the fact that they all end in heartbreak. I keep trying and I keep failing. The hardest part is that I have had a taste of success, so I know exactly what it is that I am missing. I'd give anything to get back to that place, but there is nothing for it.

Giving up in 3...2...1...


----------



## BrainArt

ghstofperdition said:


> Before I divulge, know that this may be the most difficult time Ive ever had with hitting that post button owing to the fact that Im opening pandora's box here. But Ive always had a dgaf attitude so here goes nothing:
> 
> Recently discovered that Im bisexual. Was a serious blow to me at the moment of first discovery and weeks later, still in shock. But some google fu has really helped me out in processing it. I also figured that this was the most appropriate place to put this, and didnt feel that a whole new thread was necessary. Not willing to go into specifics about what i like or into here. (this is a guitar forum, not a bath house.  ) but am positive I go both ways. Came out to 3 of my most trusted friends and have had amazing support. One of said trusted people is a girl that I have a huge crush on, but cant do anything with until she moves out here. (feelings are mutual) She has been the most helpful and this newfound discovery of mine has not diminished her feelings for me in the least. Damn that girl is amazing. So there you guys have it. As trivial as it may sound, my biggest fear is seeing my nice green rep board turn red and get filled with comments like 'fuck off fag' and whatnot. Crazy I know.
> 
> Oh and in b4 drak and necris scream "I KNEW IT!!!!"



So THAT'S why you wanted naked pictures of me!  

JK.

In all seriousness, though, congrats, brother! 



As for me, I'm single, I'm content. I wouldn't mind a relationship with a girl, but at this point in my life, it's not something that I'm going to go out of my way for.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

ghstofperdition said:


> And yeah, Im an everything-that-moves-izer.



:3



HaMMerHeD said:


> ...and ready to close my eyes and rest.
> 
> I don't mind the work that goes into a relationship. I mind the fact that they all end in heartbreak. I keep trying and I keep failing. The hardest part is that I have had a taste of success, so I know exactly what it is that I am missing. I'd give anything to get back to that place, but there is nothing for it.
> 
> Giving up in 3...2...1...



NOOOOOOOO

Keep calm dude. The worst thing you can do is give up. Trying gives you a 50% chance of loneliness. Giving up gives you 100%.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Captain Shoggoth said:


> NOOOOOOOO
> 
> Keep calm dude. The worst thing you can do is give up. Trying gives you a 50% chance of loneliness. Giving up gives you 100%.



Yeah, I know. I should probably avoid making statements like that when I'm drunk late at night. Everything feels more dire and hopeless at night.


----------



## Justin Bailey

Young enough to fuck, not old enough to date.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

HaMMerHeD said:


> Yeah, I know. I should probably avoid making statements like that when I'm drunk late at night. Everything feels more dire and hopeless at night.



Words of truth, my good man.


----------



## soliloquy

groph said:


> Don't even get me started with how much I take issue with the "alpha vs beta" thing, we're not bloody cavemen and these kinds of essentialist arguments (that's just the way we are naturally) are just circular reasoning, bending over and letting the status quo have its way with you. Before you assume something is "natural," just really think about it. Are other cultures like that? We control the fuck out of sex around here, and sex becomes equated with dominance and being somehow better than other people. Girls buy into that too, going after the supposed "alphas."
> 
> You'd probably be fine around girls if you're in your element, doing what you enjoy doing, not somewhere where you're analyzing every last thing you do, since the more you try it seems the more you fuck things up with this sort of thing.
> 
> EDIT: I'm not calling you out or anything, I'm just a "sensitive male feminist."




i wont say i'm a sensitive-male-feminist. but i would call myself an empathizing-male-feminist. 

and at the same time, i think one thing that may REALLY help you out would be Post-structuralism and post-modernism. 

both are very similar, just one looks at the world and says 'no, marx was wrong!' while the other one kind of says 'no, the world was wrong!'

basic idea behind them is that there is no such thing as 'truth'. everyone has their own opinions, and ideas, and everyone comes from different parts of life/world. they ALL are correct at the exact same time, without creating any sort of paradox. let the world be, and understand the differences between them. 

you dont have to accept the status quo. challenge it, be a marxist, or be a bit crazy, or 'crazy' and rebel against everything. 

basic point is, if the world is saying that you suck for being sensitive, then look beyond that and realize that there is FAR more to this world than what they said. for who ever said that, there is another person behind that trying to negate it and saying the exact opposite.


----------



## tacotiklah

BrainArt said:


> So THAT'S why you wanted naked pictures of me!
> 
> JK.
> 
> In all seriousness, though, congrats, brother!
> 
> 
> 
> As for me, I'm single, I'm content. I wouldn't mind a relationship with a girl, but at this point in my life, it's not something that I'm going to go out of my way for.



I still have your number so put down the middle fingers or I will send u random dick pics.


----------



## BrainArt

ghstofperdition said:


> I still have your number so put down the middle fingers or I will send u random dick pics.


----------



## metal_sam14

I am joining Ross in the "off the market club" 

Winning


----------



## Justin Bailey

Drove my youngish friend home at 5 this morning... ended up biting eachothers necks for like 10 minutes outside her house, lordy.


----------



## KevHo

I'm getting married in 3 months. I just bought a house, starting a new job next month, and now I'm going to have a wife. My guitars are certainly going to be jealous.


----------



## tacotiklah

Bi tip of the day:
Men are MUCH more shallow and flaky than women. Offer safe, no strings attached sex and they STILL flake on you. Wtf is this crap?
(intuition says that mentioning safe sex is what scared them off.  )


----------



## Joeywilson

flo said:


> Good luck, and don't think too much about "is this too much for a first date", just do what feels natural and don't enforce anything.
> 
> But if you like movies and dinner and the beach (and who wouldn't) go for it! + report how it was



Forgot to come back haha. First few dates have been awsome, sooo incredibly stoked on this girl.


----------



## leandroab

Hot girl says "I'm getting crazy, I miss you so much" outta nowhere. I go to a bar and get a phone number with another one while I'm burning up with fever. Fucken smart!

Today I felt glorious. But right now I feel like I'm going to die...


----------



## Gamma362

So since this seems like the best place to post this, here it goes.

I have recently come to accept that I am Bisexual. It was something that I have been dealing with for years and It feels really liberating to finally come to accept it. It has to be one of the scariest things I have ever had to deal with. I came out to one of my friends today and she was really supportive and accepting, It feels amazing to have told someone. I gotta give a big thanks to ghstofperdition, he really was a huge help to me, and I would still probably be having trouble dealing with this if it weren't for him. So again man, if you see this, thanks soooooo much for your help, it really is appreciated.


----------



## leandroab

Apparently, the first thing I'm gonna do when I get back to Rio is to fuck the shit outta this girl hahahaha


----------



## BucketheadRules

leandroab said:


> Apparently, the first thing I'm gonna do when I get back to Rio is to fuck the shit outta this girl hahahaha


----------



## Murmel

leandroab said:


> Apparently, the first thing I'm gonna do when I get back to Rio is to fuck the shit outta this girl hahahaha



If you haven't seen her in a while, just make sure she hasn't gone fat.


----------



## MFB

I'm fairly certain I want my ex back, and I think I'm gonna have to have a talk with her in person.

Fuck


----------



## leandroab

Murmel said:


> If you haven't seen her in a while, just make sure she hasn't gone fat.




She already said she got fat hahahah

But then she was already "fat" with her 45 kg and amazing body hahaha

I can't say jack cuz I'm sporting this awesome beer belly! Hahahha


----------



## Gamma362

MFB said:


> I'm fairly certain I want my ex back, and I think I'm gonna have to have a talk with her in person.
> 
> Fuck



Man, honestly that would be a mistake, you guys obviously broke up for a reason, its not something you should go back to. These feelings will pass, believe me on that, they will pass. Just give it a few days and you will feel differently.


----------



## MFB

To be fair, we weren't really together and I use the term "ex" loosely, but it's just a lot easier to use than friend-who-I-kind-of-went-out-with-then-fell-out-with-and-didn't-talk-to. 

We met each other during a class at college, and then hung out, had some fun one night (not that you pigs!) and then were kind of together but without labels really. After that we both had shit going on and didn't have time for each other and when we did, we kind of snapped at things we shouldn't have and then agreed to be friends so if we feel the same way later we could go back. However, one day we had a fight online and I de-friended her and deleted her from my phone so I had no contact with her until I ran into her again one day and we both apologized and are on speaking terms.

I'm iffy about even talking to her, cause to be fair, it was ME that de-friended and stopped talking to HER so to bring this up to her when she may have some new guy would be a huge low-blow and make me feel pretty slimy.


----------



## Gamma362

MFB said:


> To be fair, we weren't really together and I use the term "ex" loosely, but it's just a lot easier to use than friend-who-I-kind-of-went-out-with-then-fell-out-with-and-didn't-talk-to.
> 
> We met each other during a class at college, and then hung out, had some fun one night (not that you pigs!) and then were kind of together but without labels really. After that we both had shit going on and didn't have time for each other and when we did, we kind of snapped at things we shouldn't have and then agreed to be friends so if we feel the same way later we could go back. However, one day we had a fight online and I de-friended her and deleted her from my phone so I had no contact with her until I ran into her again one day and we both apologized and are on speaking terms.
> 
> I'm iffy about even talking to her, cause to be fair, it was ME that de-friended and stopped talking to HER so to bring this up to her when she may have some new guy would be a huge low-blow and make me feel pretty slimy.



then you should just leave things be, and not bring it up, it will be easier in the long run


----------



## tacotiklah

Gamma362 said:


> So since this seems like the best place to post this, here it goes.
> 
> I have recently come to accept that I am Bisexual. It was something that I have been dealing with for years and It feels really liberating to finally come to accept it. It has to be one of the scariest things I have ever had to deal with. I came out to one of my friends today and she was really supportive and accepting, It feels amazing to have told someone. I gotta give a big thanks to ghstofperdition, he really was a huge help to me, and I would still probably be having trouble dealing with this if it weren't for him. So again man, if you see this, thanks soooooo much for your help, it really is appreciated.



You are most welcome good buddy! 
This shit is damn near impossible to deal with without any support, so Im always happy to help out. I wholeheartedly applaud the courage you showed here.

And if there is anybody else out there that is bisexual/bicurious and needs a friend to talk to, or is struggling to deal with it, my inbox is always open. 

@Leandro

Props for not being shallow man. I have a thing for big girls myself. Awesome personalities and they are so damn insatiable in bed. Have fun my man!


----------



## MFB

Say hey, quick bit of advice needed. Would it be a bad idea to ask the same girl mentioned earlier to go to a wedding with me? Unfortunately, she's really the only girl I'd be comfortablr bringing since almost every girl I know is taken or I couldnt imagine hanging out with them all afternoon.

This would be strictly plutonic and in no way an attempt to get back in, I just forgot about the invite and need to respond quickly now


----------



## leandroab

MFB said:


> This would be strictly plutonic...







?




Well... I guess it would be alright... You're friends now... Right?


----------



## MFB

Yup, back on speaking terms and such


----------



## scottro202

What are you guys's thoughts on moving into sex too fast in a relationship? Is there such thing as moving too fast? Can you not move fast enough?


----------



## MFB

Hell yeah there's such a thing as too fast, and yes there is a too slow as well. Generally I move slower because Ive found its easier to make up for lost time than to rush things and have no build up or anything to I guess, look forward to


----------



## leandroab

scottro202 said:


> What are you guys's thoughts on moving into sex too fast in a relationship? Is there such thing as moving too fast? Can you not move fast enough?



Did she show any interest (directly or not) in having sex?


----------



## -42-

The eternal quandary is this: why are the women you care the least about the ones who seem to express the most interest in you. You could graph it as an inverse proportion which goes something like this (X axis is the amount I care, Y axis is the amount of interest they show. Independent vs. Dependent Variables).

X: I don't even know you, have I even seen you before? Y: ZOMG YOUR SO HAWT 
X: I would actually consider dating you. Y: Friend zoned.
X: I think I might actually have some sort of feelings for you. Y: Ignore.

Positively paradoxical.


----------



## Nile

How would you guys suggest spicing shit up and not making this relationship so bland? Like me and her have been together for 4 years and have been since we were 12, but the thing is I live in Minnesota and she lives in Colorado. I've seen her 4 times so far. She says she can't find that kinda spark as much anymore and that shes changed over the years?
Lost on what to do? 
One of the tags is Anal Implant. 
Still lost. 
Lol anal implant...


----------



## tacotiklah

Nile said:


> How would you guys suggest spicing shit up and not making this relationship so bland? Like me and her have been together for 4 years and have been since we were 12, but the thing is I live in Minnesota and she lives in Colorado. I've seen her 4 times so far. She says she can't find that kinda spark as much anymore and that shes changed over the years?
> Lost on what to do?
> One of the tags is Anal Implant.
> Still lost.
> Lol anal implant...



What do you mean specifically by bland? Do you mean that its the same I love you texts without any substance? In that case have a deep meaningful conversation with her. Miss the hell out of her? Save up and go visit her? No sex interest? Talk dirty to her.

But im gonna some specifics before I can continue playing Dr. Fail. (Phil)


----------



## Dead Undead

Nile said:


> How would you guys suggest spicing shit up and not making this relationship so bland? Like me and her have been together for 4 years and have been since we were 12, but the thing is I live in Minnesota and she lives in Colorado. I've seen her 4 times so far. She says she can't find that kinda spark as much anymore and that shes changed over the years?
> Lost on what to do?



People change, man. You may still want her but if she wants to let go there isn't much you can do, to be honest. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't try though. ghostofperdition's suggestions were what I would recommend.

Ask her to really think about what it means when you say "I love you."


----------



## scottro202

leandroab said:


> Did she show any interest (directly or not) in having sex?



Yes.


----------



## UnderTheSign

I'm after a new girl. Met her last week and she's great. I went to a small local music and arts event last night, she was there too but I ended up spending more time chatting to her parents than I did with her  Oh well, gotta make a good impression on my hopefully future in-laws, right?


----------



## Nile

ghstofperdition said:


> What do you mean specifically by bland? Do you mean that its the same I love you texts without any substance? In that case have a deep meaningful conversation with her. Miss the hell out of her? Save up and go visit her? No sex interest? Talk dirty to her.
> 
> But im gonna some specifics before I can continue playing Dr. Fail. (Phil)


It was before but I've been trying to get a conversation going more as of lately but she just doesn't anymore like before when I didn't. And I have been seeing her, once a year. We did all the sex stuff between year 2 and 3 lol.
I was there 2 weeks ago for a month, and she said she just doesn't feel that old spark but we kissed at one point and she said there it was for that moment. She is so torn between breaking up with me and not, like she really really doesn't want to but also does. And we have grown a bit different from eachother since the beginning, like before everything about us was the same, but now theres just a bit of differences, even though she keeps saying she's changed.
But also when I was getting on my plane she started really loving on me, but right when I got back home, she never said a word for 3 days right after I fucking left and finally said she needs a break cause she is sick of people and now when she does talk, she has to deactivate her phone for probably a week or 2 to get her new one.
Am I right in thinking that was a fucking asshole move of her on not talking to me right after I left for days?


----------



## leandroab

scottro202 said:


> Yes.



DO IT! DO IT, NAO!


----------



## tacotiklah

Nile said:


> It was before but I've been trying to get a conversation going more as of lately but she just doesn't anymore like before when I didn't. And I have been seeing her, once a year. We did all the sex stuff between year 2 and 3 lol.
> I was there 2 weeks ago for a month, and she said she just doesn't feel that old spark but we kissed at one point and she said there it was for that moment. She is so torn between breaking up with me and not, like she really really doesn't want to but also does. And we have grown a bit different from eachother since the beginning, like before everything about us was the same, but now theres just a bit of differences, even though she keeps saying she's changed.
> But also when I was getting on my plane she started really loving on me, but right when I got back home, she never said a word for 3 days right after I fucking left and finally said she needs a break cause she is sick of people and now when she does talk, she has to deactivate her phone for probably a week or 2 to get her new one.
> Am I right in thinking that was a fucking asshole move of her on not talking to me right after I left for days?



It sounds to me like she isnt coping well with a long distance relationship. She probably is distancing herself because being away from you is painful to her. (im in a similar type of relationship so thats how I know whats up)

Truth is that she is craving physical affection and the distance isnt helping that any.



It sounds to me like your girl is burned out on the long distance thing. Either move out there, end it, or try an open relationship. Only 3 options you have at this point imo.


----------



## Nile

ghstofperdition said:


> It sounds to me like she isnt coping well with a long distance relationship. She probably is distancing herself because being away from you is painful to her. (im in a similar type of relationship so thats how I know whats up)
> 
> Truth is that she is craving physical affection and the distance isnt helping that any.
> 
> 
> 
> It sounds to me like your girl is burned out on the long distance thing. Either move out there, end it, or try an open relationship. Only 3 options you have at this point imo.


 Ya I can't let this shit go though, she went out with this one douche bag for a month during christmas and I know she wants to go with him again but he is a fucking asshole. 3 options, do nothing, kill him, or 

But goddammit I just can't let her go though, devoted every part of me to her since it worked out so well between us in the beginning.


----------



## tacotiklah

It sucks, believe me I know. Me and my gf are dealing with the same shit. She is still with the guy she plans on leaving when she moves out here sometime withing the next year. She knew that they would sleep together at some point despite the fact that she has no deep feelings left for him. So we broke up for a couple of weeks. Around this time I figured out that Im bisexual, and that she is super cool with that. We kept txting each other and it just felt like we were still together. Well since we are both pretty liberal minded we said fuck it and now we have an open relationship. She can sleep with her ex and I can explore my bi side. But that kind of openness isnt for everybody. And we both agreed that the open part would end when she does move out here. On a related note:
she will be visiting me from Aug 10th-17th. Best bday (on the 16th) gift ever.


----------



## MFB

Ended up asking my friend to the wedding, she said she's not sure since the date (first week of Sept.) is kind of far, and she normally works Saturdays at both her jobs, so she's not sure if she can get both off. Really hope this is more of an actual concern versus her way of saying no indirectly. Did NOT want to go to the wedding solo, that just looks pathetic (at least to me)


----------



## Adam Of Angels

UnderTheSign said:


> I'm after a new girl. Met her last week and she's great. I went to a small local music and arts event last night, she was there too but I ended up spending more time chatting to her parents than I did with her  Oh well, gotta make a good impression on my hopefully future in-laws, right?



No, bad - you met her last week, so they shouldn't hopefully be your future in-laws.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Adam Of Angels said:


> No, bad - you met her last week, so they shouldn't hopefully be your future in-laws.


With "in-laws" I don't mean I'm thinking of getting married, it's just an easier way of saying "the parents of the girl I hope will become my girlfriend within the next few months"


----------



## tacotiklah

Note to self:
When you are having serious personal issues and are trying to convince your gf to move out here, dont fall for the "you can tell me about anything thats bothering you" gag. This will effectively negate any and all progress you have made, and leave her with the impression that you are a whiny, dramatic loser who isnt worth her time.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Women are fucking cunts. Getting sick fo their bullshit.


----------



## leandroab

It appears that I'm 85% into a relationship...


----------



## vampiregenocide

And I am now 100% out of one. Awesome.


----------



## leandroab

vampiregenocide said:


> And I am now 100% out of one. Awesome.



Sorry to hear that bro! 

What the fuck happened?


----------



## vampiregenocide

We were just too different, and she didn't want to make minor compromises to be with me.


----------



## BucketheadRules

vampiregenocide said:


> We were just too different, and she didn't want to make minor compromises to be with me.



That sucks.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Way ahead of you.


----------



## Joeywilson

Just got dumped, fucking sucks.


----------



## SAWitall

went afc to settle down with a girl, now she wants a break. should i take that as a week long time to get back in the game? i know too much about the game to let some chick dig up my emotional insides. says she needs time to prioritize her self. i love her but if shes playing around with me its just gonna hurt her in the end.

@joeywilson yeah it sucks but ur the prize man. shes not...theres a million more women on earth than men with the exception of china.


----------



## Guitarmiester

The whole, _"I need time for myself..."_ line is a joke. It's a weak-ass attempt at thinking it's totally fine to get with other people without considering it _"cheating." _I'd say move on.


----------



## metal_sam14

So the guy my ex cheated on me with (twice) has randomly started abusing me. my current (Amazing) girlfriend and myself find it fucking hilarious


----------



## Devotion

metal_sam14 said:


> So the guy my ex cheated on me with (twice) has randomly started abusing *me*. my current (Amazing) girlfriend and myself find it fucking hilarious



So you and your gf find it hilarious that the guy your ex cheated on you with twice, is sexually abusing you?


----------



## Loomer

leandroab said:


> She already said she got fat hahahah
> 
> But then she was already "fat" with her 45 kg and amazing body hahaha
> 
> I can't say jack cuz I'm sporting this awesome beer belly! Hahahha



Real men have a keg, not a sixpack.


----------



## Loomer

Devotion said:


> So you and your gf find it hilarious that the guy your ex cheated on you with twice, is sexually abusing you?



I certainly hope he means verbal abuse here


----------



## Justin Bailey

So she's 16, which is technically legal, I think I'd still feel like a dirty old man, but lord if I don't wanna do bad bad things to her.


----------



## metal_sam14

Devotion said:


> So you and your gf find it hilarious that the guy your ex cheated on you with twice, is sexually abusing you?



Verbal abuse fool!


----------



## leandroab

Joeywilson said:


> Just got dumped, fucking sucks.



Sorry to hear that dude... 



Loomer said:


> Real men have a keg, not a sixpack.


 
YES! 


So, it was my best buddy's birthday yesterday. We went to a club with a LOT of friends, drank ourselves into oblivion, and I scored a nice chick! It took me a while though. Fucking wommenz, you know that she wants it but they still feel like they need to make things more difficult. But I was persistent and I prevailed!.. hahahha


----------



## Devotion

metal_sam14 said:


> Verbal abuse fool!


----------



## tacotiklah

All is quiet on the sex front. I managed to double my dating potential and am still stuck at home alone with porn. I fail at life.....


----------



## Gamma362

ghstofperdition said:


> All is quiet on the sex front. I managed to double my dating potential and am still stuck at home alone with porn. I fail at life.....


EDIT: since leandroab and MFB are dicks

I know how you feel man, I am in the same predicament. Funny how life works with these things ain't it?


----------



## leandroab

Gamma362 said:


> you're not alone there buddy, don't worry.



Yeah, gamma is watching you jerk off...


----------



## Gamma362

leandroab said:


> Yeah, gamma is watching you jerk off...


...I don't know how to respond to this. 

so I'm just going to go with, no.


----------



## MFB

Seriously leandro, give the man some credit jeez



















...he's not just watching man


----------



## Gamma362

MFB said:


> Seriously leandro, give the man some credit jeez
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...he's not just watching man


 you guys are dicks


----------



## MFB




----------



## tacotiklah

leandroab said:


> Yeah, gamma is watching you jerk off...







And for the record, it is entirely possible for two bisexual men to hang out and have no desire to do anything other than just hang out and shoot the shit. 

U just jelly bro. 

edit:
first person to copy and edit this in quote and in a sexual manner gets e-punted in the dick and then, depending on my mood, ass raped. Have a nice day.


----------



## MFB

Don't tease us with a good time you silly billy


----------



## tacotiklah

MFB said:


> Don't tease us with a good time you silly billy



Win!


Now drop your pants Ben. 



edit:
Talk about irony combined with coincidence.
Opeth - Deliverance just randomly popped up on my playlist. 


To get back on track:
Yep, now im drunk and lonely. Awesome.


----------



## leandroab

Gamma362 said:


> ...I don't know how to respond to this.
> 
> so I'm just going to go with, no.



I thought you had a sense of humor. But since I guess I don't know you that much it's understandable. I'm sorry if I offended you. It was a joke. By the way it's spelled "amused", not "ammused" 




ghstofperdition said:


> Yep, now im drunk and lonely. Awesome.



Sexytime on webcam???


----------



## Gamma362

leandroab said:


> I thought you had a sense of humor. But since I guess I don't know you that much it's understandable. I'm sorry if I offended you. It was a joke. By the way it's spelled "amused", not "ammused"
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sexytime on webcam???



Its not a problem man, I appreciate that you apologized, honestly if you had said that like 2 weeks ago or so I would have laughed it off, and come back with some smartass comment, things like that just get to me a bit more now, I think its gonna take a bit of time for me to warm up to jokes like that again. And thanks for the spelling lesson  I have always been a terrible speller


----------



## tacotiklah

leandroab said:


> I thought you had a sense of humor. But since I guess I don't know you that much it's understandable. I'm sorry if I offended you. It was a joke. By the way it's spelled "amused", not "ammused"
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sexytime on webcam???



Shit, I wish. Only internet I have is on my crap phone. 
And dont start anything you have no intention of following through on dude.  As Ive posted earlier, Ive had three guys flake on me in the past two weeks, so Im already burned out on teases. 

Geoff, dont worry about Ben (MFB) or Leandro. They are cool. Assholes, but still cool. 
They got no beef with gays/bisexuals.


----------



## Varcolac

Moving in with my girlfriend tomorrow. Very excite.

Though I'm not sure whether I'm more excited over the girlfriend, the flat, the massive reduction in my morning commute, or the fact that I'll be 10 minutes walk from November's Manowar and Opeth gigs.

It's probably Manowar. I'd say BROTHERS EVERYWHEEERE, but my girlfriend's coming to the gig too. Womanowar?


----------



## Murmel

Varcolac said:


> Moving in with my girlfriend tomorrow. Very excite.
> 
> Though I'm not sure whether I'm more excited over the girlfriend, the flat, the massive reduction in my morning commute, or the fact that I'll be 10 minutes walk from November's Manowar and Opeth gigs.
> 
> It's probably Manowar. I'd say BROTHERS EVERYWHEEERE, but my girlfriend's coming to the gig too. Womanowar?


I wish all the best for you and your lady.

If things turn ugly, 'Carry On', be 'The Master of the Wind' and 'Ride the Dragon' as far over the 'Mountains' as you can. You must remember that you have 'The Power' of yourself, do not let your 'Hatred' out on eachother. 
You will always have your 'Blood Brothers' to count on, the brothers who will stand beside you even in 'Holy War's.

There's no use to 'Fight for Freedom', fighting is for 'Animals'.




























Alright, I'm terrible


----------



## leandroab

Murmel said:


> I wish all the best for you and your lady.
> 
> If things turn ugly, 'Carry On', be 'The Master of the Wind' and 'Ride the Dragon' as far over the 'Mountains' as you can. You must remember that you have 'The Power' of yourself, do not let your 'Hatred' out on eachother.
> You will always have your 'Blood Brothers' to count on, the brothers who will stand beside you even in 'Holy War's.
> 
> There's no use to 'Fight for Freedom', fighting is for 'Animals'.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Alright, I'm terrible


----------



## tacotiklah

Finally smoothed things out with my gf. Note to self: 
When life turns to shit, dont tell her about it. Cry some tears in your beer, get plastered. build a bridge and get the fuck over it. Telling her will lead to her saying that you have to much drama and that she cant see how the two of you can have a future.


----------



## Joeywilson

kay so its saturday night and ive had afew too many too manu. i feel really werid saying this because I hon;y dated this girl for a short priod of time but I miss her sooooo much. We used to talk evreyday all nigt nitil mornning she was the best it was like we were the same person. Her reason for not going out with me anymore was cause sh dind want t be romantiacally involved right now. please telm e that this is fixable>? Seriously it sucks really bad when you;re super bummed a;; the time asnd then for a little while you're not bummed and then you'tre WHAT THE FUCK bumme again ive only like like 3 girls in my entire amos19 years of liveing im such a fucking fag

sptrry fr whinning so mch guys you know i <3 you alll!!!


----------



## Gamma362

Joeywilson said:


> kay so its saturday night and ive had afew too many too manu. i feel really werid saying this because I hon;y dated this girl for a short priod of time but I miss her sooooo much. We used to talk evreyday all nigt nitil mornning she was the best it was like we were the same person. Her reason for not going out with me anymore was cause sh dind want t be romantiacally involved right now. please telm e that this is fixable>? Seriously it sucks really bad when you;re super bummed a;; the time asnd then for a little while you're not bummed and then you'tre WHAT THE FUCK bumme again ive only like like 3 girls in my entire amos19 years of liveing im such a fucking fag
> 
> sptrry fr whinning so mch guys you know i <3 you alll!!!



First off, holy fuck that was hard to read. Second you will get over her, i was the same way when my ex broke up with me, she had a very similar reason too, she was really stressed at the time and something had to give (i was that something). Don't do what I did and start acting like a whiny bitch and send her at text or anything saying how much you miss her, blah blah blah, that will only make things worse. Focus on other things you will move on meet better people and forget all about her. Give it some time and you will realize it was a good thing that you 2 broke up. That's how it worked for me. Just gotta hold yourself together man, things will get better believe me, they will.


----------



## leandroab

Joeywilson said:


> kay so its saturday night and ive had afew too many too manu. i feel really werid saying this because I hon;y dated this girl for a short priod of time but I miss her sooooo much. We used to talk evreyday all nigt nitil mornning she was the best it was like we were the same person. Her reason for not going out with me anymore was cause sh dind want t be romantiacally involved right now. please telm e that this is fixable>? Seriously it sucks really bad when you;re super bummed a;; the time asnd then for a little while you're not bummed and then you'tre WHAT THE FUCK bumme again ive only like like 3 girls in my entire amos19 years of liveing im such a fucking fag
> 
> sptrry fr whinning so mch guys you know i <3 you alll!!!



Were you intoxicated when you typed this? hahahahaha


----------



## Joeywilson

Gamma362 said:


> First off, holy fuck that was hard to read. Second you will get over her, i was the same way when my ex broke up with me, she had a very similar reason too, she was really stressed at the time and something had to give (i was that something). Don't do what I did and start acting like a whiny bitch and send her at text or anything saying how much you miss her, blah blah blah, that will only make things worse. Focus on other things you will move on meet better people and forget all about her. Give it some time and you will realize it was a good thing that you 2 broke up. That's how it worked for me. Just gotta hold yourself together man, things will get better believe me, they will.



thnkad masn i really appreciateit but the thing is, i liked this one girl froever and this awas hw fisrt gilr the made me erally happy. like i sdaid in almost `19 years ice krt liked like 3grisl so wtdf right? [lsu this girl was lieterllt th most beautifulest!!!!


----------



## tacotiklah

Joeywilson said:


> kay so its saturday night and ive had afew too many too manu. i feel really werid saying this because I hon;y dated this girl for a short priod of time but I miss her sooooo much. We used to talk evreyday all nigt nitil mornning she was the best it was like we were the same person. Her reason for not going out with me anymore was cause sh dind want t be romantiacally involved right now. please telm e that this is fixable>? Seriously it sucks really bad when you;re super bummed a;; the time asnd then for a little while you're not bummed and then you'tre WHAT THE FUCK bumme again ive only like like 3 girls in my entire amos19 years of liveing im such a fucking fag
> 
> sptrry fr whinning so mch guys you know i <3 you alll!!!



Since you are drunk, Ill overlook your use of the word fag and try to help you. 

-First, sober up. Nobody really wants to date someone that is drunk. This shit is painful, but emotion is what lets us learn hard lessons. So learn then. 
- Next, remind yourself that men are creatures of logic and rationality, so make use of them. The cold harsh truth is that you only dated for a short time, and the reason it hurts is due to infatuation and not love. 
- Give yourself some credit and some time. The fact that you have dated at least 3 women is proof that you arent lame or unattractive. You are doing good for your age. Stop comparing yourself to some false rule that says you have to date x number of women by 2012. That kind of pressure can translate as insecurity to a girl and turn them off.
- Get back on the horse man. You will hear a shitload of no and not interested before you find the right person. Dont take it personal either, its the girl trying to tell you that you two just dont click. Trying to build a relationship on that weak of a basis is destined to fail. Sucks, but tis true.


----------



## Gamma362

Joeywilson said:


> thnkad masn i really appreciateit but the thing is, i liked this one girl froever and this awas hw fisrt gilr the made me erally happy. like i sdaid in almost `19 years ice krt liked like 3grisl so wtdf right? [lsu this girl was lieterllt th most beautifulest!!!!




ok seriously, you need to sober the fuck up before you post. 19 and 3 girls? that's a damn good track record for your age, I'm 20 and I've only had one girlfriend and the relationship lasted only 3 months. It could be a lot worse for you man, realize this and move on, stop dwelling on the past, and stop getting drunk that's not going to get you anywhere with this situation, all its going to do is depress you even more and make you do something you are going to regret the next morning. you are already not in a great mindset, and booze only makes that worse.


----------



## ScrotieMcBoogerballs

Yaris said:


> Okay so my friend says I fucked up. I was talking with him about the date I had a few weeks back. It was our first date, and near the end I pull up to her house to drop her off. She told me not to get out of the car (normally I would go up to her house with her) because her parents didn't know I was taking her on a date (it's fine, her parents fucking love me) . Anyway, after we talked about having a second date soon I expected her to get out, but she lingered for a while and kind of smiled at me. I was confused and eventually she signaled for me to unlock the door, which I did. Driving home, I had that "AWW FUCK" moment when I realized that maybe she was expecting a kiss to close the date. Telling my friend about this, he agrees with me. Oh well, I'll try to do it on the second date.



I'm a little late on the quote bandwagon here but anyways;

I had the same thing happen to me. I was at a small party that this chick I liked, who liked me, invited me to. My friend and I got disturbingly high twice throughout the day and then at the party got quite drunk. That was the first time I had ever been drunk so I had some problems even keeping my eyes opened and focusing on one thing. Anyways, me and this chick were on the same couch and she was just staring at me but because I was so destroyed I didn't understand the reason. My friend, who was on the other couch, texted me and subtly hinted that I should go for it but I couldn't "crack the code", so to speak, and I just ignored it. I ended up sleeping at my friends place, waking up on his computer table with my pants nowhere to be found. Then over lunch he told me that she wanted it but I was too downright stupid to realize it. Still don't know where the pants are...

Edit: Oh, and a few months after that we started liking each other again and jammed at that one friends place(she's a drummer). I walked her home, we live like a block away from each other but I told her that I lived far away to make it seem like I was doing her a huge favor, and when we got to her place, we just stood there. Saying nothing... I, for some reason, thought it would be a good idea to announce how awkward that particular situation was and slowly back away. So yeah, it's safe to say that I didn't get any from her...

Edit #2:


Tree said:


> As I said I'm socially awkward and all around bad at speaking. I can't think of a way to let her down gently. Oh and she all ready made a point of letting me know that she doesn't handle rejection well i.e. she will get depressed or something I guess. :/



This is happening to me right now. I'm a very socially awkward person and usually say the wrong things. This one girl who, last year, asked me to be her "screw buddy", is into me again, but I don't know if I'm into her, or want to be. Figuratively and literally. She is also struggling with depression and I've talked her out of suicide a few times so I don't know how I should handle this.

Oh, and just to further prove how socially awkward I am, when she asked to me to be her screw buddy, I said, and I quote, "I'm not nearly as well endowed as I seem...". Which is probably one of the worst things I could have said at that moment.


----------



## metal_sam14

Guys I am living proof that gawky clumsy guys can get a girlfriend, just go for it and put yourself out there. I was chasing my current girlfriend for most of this year, I even nearly gave up at a few points because I felt I "wasn't good enough" or too gawky etc, but no I kept at it and now we are in a very happy relationship.

Keep at it guys, there is hope for us all 

EDIT: should also mention she is smoking hot and plays Bass Guitar better than most black people. Winning? I think yes.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Might be sorting things out again with my ex, we shall see.


----------



## leandroab

metal_sam14 said:


> Guys I am living proof that gawky clumsy guys can get a girlfriend, just go for it and put yourself out there. I was chasing my current girlfriend for most of this year, I even nearly gave up at a few points because I felt I "wasn't good enough" or too gawky etc, but no I kept at it and now we are in a very happy relationship.
> 
> Keep at it guys, there is hope for us all
> 
> EDIT: should also mention she is smoking hot and plays Bass Guitar better than most black people. Winning? I think yes.





That's right duder. If you aren't ugly to the point of instant rejection, then you ALWAYS have a chance!


----------



## Murmel

metal_sam14 said:


> and plays Bass Guitar better than most black people. Winning? I think yes.


Worth keeping for this reason alone


----------



## Joeywilson

ghstofperdition said:


> Since you are drunk, Ill overlook your use of the word fag and try to help you.
> 
> -First, sober up. Nobody really wants to date someone that is drunk. This shit is painful, but emotion is what lets us learn hard lessons. So learn then.
> - Next, remind yourself that men are creatures of logic and rationality, so make use of them. The cold harsh truth is that you only dated for a short time, and the reason it hurts is due to infatuation and not love.
> - Give yourself some credit and some time. The fact that you have dated at least 3 women is proof that you arent lame or unattractive. You are doing good for your age. Stop comparing yourself to some false rule that says you have to date x number of women by 2012. That kind of pressure can translate as insecurity to a girl and turn them off.
> - Get back on the horse man. You will hear a shitload of no and not interested before you find the right person. Dont take it personal either, its the girl trying to tell you that you two just dont click. Trying to build a relationship on that weak of a basis is destined to fail. Sucks, but tis true.




Hahaha hooo man. No more internet for me on Saturday nights.

First, I just want to apoligize for using the word 'fag' as it is definatly not a frequently used word in my repitoire. What I was meaning to say was that this girl was actually the first girl I've dated and in almost 19 years and that I've really only been interested in 3 girls, including that one. Her reason was just that she didn't want to be 'romantically involved' right now, she still likes me and stuff. Like one day she was saying how I'm 'exactly what she was looking for' and how we're 'a match made in heaven' and then the next day she dropped that shit on me. We bought fish and took them to see Harry Potter, and thats a pretty big commitment if you ask me.


----------



## leandroab

First thing to do when you get back from a trip:

1- Play all guitars.
2- Call potential girlfriend.

Get your priorities straight people!


----------



## tacotiklah

Joeywilson said:


> Hahaha hooo man. No more internet for me on Saturday nights.
> 
> First, I just want to apoligize for using the word 'fag' as it is definatly not a frequently used word in my repitoire. What I was meaning to say was that this girl was actually the first girl I've dated and in almost 19 years and that I've really only been interested in 3 girls, including that one. Her reason was just that she didn't want to be 'romantically involved' right now, she still likes me and stuff. Like one day she was saying how I'm 'exactly what she was looking for' and how we're 'a match made in heaven' and then the next day she dropped that shit on me. We bought fish and took them to see Harry Potter, and thats a pretty big commitment if you ask me.



No worries. Had I thought you meant anything by using the word, then you would have been negged and I definitely wouldnt be helping you.  

Quick question before I go further:
How long were you guys together?


----------



## BucketheadRules

leandroab said:


> :
> That's right duder. If you aren't ugly to the point of instant rejection, then you ALWAYS have a chance!



Fuck.

This leaves me in a difficult position


----------



## Joeywilson

ghstofperdition said:


> No worries. Had I thought you meant anything by using the word, then you would have been negged and I definitely wouldnt be helping you.
> 
> Quick question before I go further:
> How long were you guys together?



Very short time, 2 months I beleive. I really appreciate the advice by the way <3


----------



## Gamma362

Joeywilson said:


> Very short time, 2 months I beleive. I really appreciate the advice by the way <3


Dude, honestly I'm gonna sounds kinda like a dick here, but You gotta grow the fuck up and move on, quit acting like a little bitch complaining about how much you miss your ex. I was the same exact way when my ex dumped me, we dated for 3 months, not much longer than you were dating your girlfriend. I would have loved if someone had told me what I just told you. Really things will get better you will meet someone who will make you forget all about your ex.


----------



## MFB

I think I'm in the dog house with someone I'm not even dating. Yeesh.


----------



## Gamma362

MFB said:


> I think I'm in the dog house with someone I'm not even dating. Yeesh.


how does that happen?


----------



## MFB

Very confusingly apparently


----------



## Gamma362

MFB said:


> Very confusingly apparently



sounds like a shitty situation.


----------



## ScrotieMcBoogerballs

MFB said:


> I think I'm in the dog house with someone I'm not even dating. Yeesh.



Same here. This one chick is pissed at me because I have a life outside of our "relationship".


----------



## tacotiklah

Joeywilson said:


> Very short time, 2 months I beleive. I really appreciate the advice by the way <3



Np. Im with Gamma though. I was engaged to my ex gf for 3 years and we were together for 4. We were in the "infatuation" stage for roughly the first year. 2 months is nowhere NEAR enough time to honestly believe you are actually in love with her. Besides, you are still young. Make use of that fact and get huntin'. 

Also, another word of advice.:
Avoid long term relationships until you have your shit together. I met my ex fiancee at your age and it ruined me. She ran up bills to the point that my credit score is 535. She cheated on me twice, and her drama combined with emotional baggage I already had caused me to be involuntarily committed twice. 
Point being that I was NO where near ready for that kind of relationship. I should have finished my AA in music and went to M.I. or Berkley instead.
My advice is to worry more about making yourself stable and secure. Good women want men that have their shit together. (btw im turning 26 in two weeks, so thats how much of my adult life was consumed by that relationship)

Hope this helps.


----------



## Joeywilson

ghstofperdition said:


> Np. Im with Gamma though. I was engaged to my ex gf for 3 years and we were together for 4. We were in the "infatuation" stage for roughly the first year. 2 months is nowhere NEAR enough time to honestly believe you are actually in love with her. Besides, you are still young. Make use of that fact and get huntin'.
> 
> Also, another word of advice.:
> Avoid long term relationships until you have your shit together. I met my ex fiancee at your age and it ruined me. She ran up bills to the point that my credit score is 535. She cheated on me twice, and her drama combined with emotional baggage I already had caused me to be involuntarily committed twice.
> Point being that I was NO where near ready for that kind of relationship. I should have finished my AA in music and went to M.I. or Berkley instead.
> My advice is to worry more about making yourself stable and secure. Good women want men that have their shit together. (btw im turning 26 in two weeks, so thats how much of my adult life was consumed by that relationship)
> 
> Hope this helps.



Oh yeah I'm not saying I'm in love with her, just miss her a bunch. Last night I found out some stff that makes the whole situation a little worse, but thats what I get for dating high school girls I geuss haha. No girls for me for a long time.

It definatly did man thanks so much!


----------



## ZXIIIT

I don't like to bring this side of my life into SS.org (music side is far more interesting) so I'll just vent out with this.

The feeling of seeing your ex (_whom you dated for 2 years and dumped you in March one week after your 2 year anniversary but stopped seeing in May_) at a goth club you frequent with her new bf combined with "accidental" bumps into you every other time they walk by you plus you bringing it up to her 2 days later through text telling her that it bothered you and her reply be 
"*I didn't even know you where there*"

REALLY? 

That is all, thanks.


----------



## MFB

Think I might be flirting with the "ex" and I think I might be getting it back  Not sure what do WHAT DO


----------



## tacotiklah

MFB said:


> Think I might be flirting with the "ex" and I think I might be getting it back  Not sure what do WHAT DO



Its a tarp!

No, really.....it is. Getting back with ex gfs = a very bad idea.


----------



## MFB

ghstofperdition said:


> Its a tarp!
> 
> No, really.....it is. Getting back with ex gfs = a very bad idea.



Like I told Gamma, it's not really an ex that's why I use quotes around it  It's a long story to type out so lemme see if I can condense it so you'll understand what I'm saying about not being an "ex" per se.

SCENE : SEPTEMBER, 2010! Your average community college, full of AVERAGE students like me and her (Shock! Gasp! Awe!)

Fall has rolled around and I go through my day unsuspecting of a thing, why should I ya know? It's day fucking one of the semester, no reason to be weird right? I can't recall if I made it to my 9am philosophy class (read : I missed my first class) and then proceeded to go straight to my 2nd class which was an intro to Photography - not this digital, lemme walk around with a camera and shoot trash in B&W then call it "artsy" photo either. 35mm, Black & White, pinhole camera, photograms, etc... That's when it all started, just one class together was all it took, at least to SEE her I should say.

On the 2nd day of class, or maybe it was the 3rd, I'm not quite sure anymore as it WAS a long time ago, the professor took us into the dark room and we started actually working with the photo enlargers and whathaveyous. I remember just the way we filed into class, we both ended up standing near each other and late working next to each other on the enlargers; the thing that STILL fucking confuses me to this day, is that I think it was the next class, she asked if anyone was going to be staying after so she wasn't the only one in the darkroom and my brain shut-off all reasoning, all logic, it stopped playing out all the scenarios that could go wrong and just sent the message which my mouth also immediately picked up and I said, "I will be," which was basically how it started. Three little words, "I will be."

From there things just kind of took off as we got to know each other, and the first hangout we had was when we were looking for places to eat between classes, and then she wanted to actually COOK something (to which I pleaded, "it's 11am and you want to cook?) but apparently yes, yes she did. So we went to her house, and unknowingly made me my favorite thing (macaroni - seriously, it fucking rules) as well as asking me, "Do you wanna watch Boy Meets World?" to which I really thought I could melt from swooning so hard.

As you can guess, things got better and eventually we spent a most excellent night on the couch just kissing and cuddling, nothing extreme since neither of us wanted to push that and have it be the elephant in the room of "Should we have waited?" so we did, like adults.

Unfortunately, timing in the world is a fucking douchebag, and things then started to go _downhill_ just as quick, and the end count of me being a smarmy asshole was making her cry 2 times in the span on knowing me for a month and a half. Eventually we settled on being "friends" should we both keep talking and having things feel right, even thought I normally tie that line in with utter bullshit just to not seem like a bad breakup. This too got ruined when an online discussion got heated, some word calling was exchanged and then I proceeded to de-friend her and also delete her from my contacts list in my phone, thus ending any desire/chance I would've had to talk to her. Kind of back fired as somewhere along the lines of two weeks later I felt like an absolute piece of shit and not only regretted what I had done entirely, but knew that should I see her again I wouldn't even be able to face her over how scummy I considered it in hindsight. 

FAST FORWARD TO THE NEW YEAR!

I think it was January 20th, as that was the first date of the Spring Semester in 2010 so I'll assume it was for 2011 as well. After things went sour between me and her, I tried to move on since I started talking with another girl and even going to a Bruins game with her because it was a common interest, but this didn't really help matters. I felt it was wrong moving on so quickly, especially where it was I who really did kind of fuck things up, plus I realized at the end of the day - me and new girl were two different people. Could I have made it work? Possibly, but again, I felt bad if I were to go from one relationship to another so quickly. 

I was sitting outside of what's called our "student center" which is where the bookstore, registration, computer lab, etc... are at, WITH new girl, on the tail end of me trying to get with her. However, who do I see coming out of the campus bookstore, and assume as orders to shoot-on-sight if I'm seen? Old biddy. From an outsiders perspective, it's not that bad, here I was just sitting with someone who was ALSO in our Intro Photo class, in the Student Center; but in my head it was "OH SHIT HERE I AM WITH NEW GIRL IN THE STUDENT CENTER, AND NOW OLD GIRL IS GONNA SEE US SITTING TOGETHER AND KNOW WHATS GOING ON; SHE'LL THINK THATS WHY I STOPPED TALKING TO HER OH SHIT OH SHIT BAIL!" and proceeded to fake text, which turned into really texting my friend saying "HOLY SHIT I ALMOST JUST RAN INTO YOU KNOW WHO, I THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA KILL ME." Classy right?

This was the last I had seen of her until my other post about her in this thread, WAY back on page 68 entitled, "Damn Universe, You Scary!" which I'll quote just to show how things got back to where they are now since this story doesn't explain that. 



> Tomorrow (the 31st) is my deadline for petitioning to graduate, which means I had to go to my advising center and say "Hey, this is my shit, is it good enough for my to graduate?" This was my original plan after my second/then-turned-into-only class of the day since I slept in and missed Adv. Photography. We got an assignment in this class for the upcoming week, and instead of e-mailing the teacher about my project, I asked her immediately after class.
> 
> Following this, me and my buddy Dan went down to where we would normally chill and shoot the shit since his next class isn't for an hour and I'm done for the day by this point; instead, some emo looking girl is sitting in our area and he knows I have shit to do for graduation, so we go over to the other building and try and get my shit done. Can't find my teacher/advisor since he's up in his office vs. the dark room like I assumed, but I DO delay by hanging in the darkroom and talking with some class-mates. After this, I finally do go upstairs to my professor's office and there's not much he can do since he's busy with other stuff and an all around burnout. "TO THE ONE STOP I SAY!"
> 
> HERE'S WHERE THINGS GET INTERESTING!
> 
> Dan peaces out to do some work for his next class, and I head over to what's known as our "One Stop Center" and this is where the campus bookstore, registration office, small computer etc... is located. I enter the One Stop and see two OTHER friends of mine, and have time to kill since I'm out of class and don't work till 4:30. I spend probably about 10-15 minutes, MAYBE 20, talking with them, when my goal is literally 15ft away from me; just ACHING to be printed out I'm sure. But alas!
> 
> Finally, I say my goodbyes to my friends and use the computer to print out an audit form for my graduation. Welp, the printer's at my college suck donkey testicles, and it didn't print out the first time. So what do I do? Say "Oh I'm sure it's backed up" and kill some time on here I know, I know. And then who the fuck walks into the computer lab? The old biddy I used to talk about in this thread.
> 
> Now I never posted it, but what ended up happening was we were both stressed for various reasons, and one day I had enough of her "tone" since we were arguing on FB; then proceeded to delete her from my friends and from my phone (I still remembered her number to this day). Looking back on it, I owed her much more than that, and it was a shitty thing to do.
> 
> BACK TO THE PRESENT! She walks in, and sits RIGHT NEXT TO ME, in typical Murphy's Law manner; and I'm about to look like an asshole since two kids came in and fixed the printer so I could finally get my form and leave. "NOT SO FAST!" said the universe, and when I printed my form and waited for it at the printer, then faked looking it over pretty much saying "FUCKING SAY SOMETHING TO ME FOR GOD'S SAKE!" she finally did. All she asked for was a pen, which I was more than happy to give her.
> 
> Then she asked how I was and I told her straight up I was terrified at that moment, because I had been meaning for SO long to actually apologize to her and could never bring myself to do it because I always fear the worst; if I typed out a big long message of word vomit, it'd get deleted, if I showed up at her house, I'd get a door slammed in my face telling me to piss off. Not what would have REALLY happened, but what I imagine would have.
> 
> So we talk some more, and agree we both kind of fucked up and agreed to start over for a third time, then went out and grabbed a quick bite. I drove both ways and before she left for her class she gave me a hug, so I think thing's might be OK.
> 
> But still, if it hadn't been for all those little delays of things here and there, I may have never even run into her and been able to fix things.


----------



## tacotiklah

Ah, well in that case Ben, play it cool and proceed with caution.
Now this next part I tell you because you mah brosef and Id expect you to do the same for me buddy:

Watch your goddamn mouth next time and learn to not sabotage a good thing by flying off the handle. If shit gets too real, explain that you are to angry to be rational and then walk it off for a bit. Take some time and come back to talk to about it when you both have cooled off. Making decisions in the heat of the moment = no bueno, amigo.


Unrelated thought:
This is the most time Ive ever spent in this thread. When the hell did I become Sally Jesse Raphael?


----------



## avenger

ghstofperdition said:


> Ah, well in that case Ben, play it cool and proceed with caution.
> Now this next part I tell you because you mah brosef and Id expect you to do the same for me buddy:
> 
> Watch your goddamn mouth next time and learn to not sabotage a good thing by flying off the handle. If shit gets too real, explain that you are to angry to be rational and then walk it off for a bit. Take some time and come back to talk to about it when you both have cooled off. Making decisions in the heat of the moment = no bueno, amigo.
> 
> 
> Unrelated thought:
> This is the most time Ive ever spent in this thread. When the hell did I become Sally Jesse Raphael?


Your advice is great or I think it is because you have replied the same way I would have to 95% of these questions.

1. Grow a pair
2. Its not the end of the world
3. Cut ex's out completely

Just yesterday a buddy asked me how to get over this girl he was with for three years and was engaged to. I told him time works wonders, also keep yourself busy, go out and have fun. He told me he sees and talks to her all the time and even hangs with her and her new BF. I slapped him and told him to cut that shit out now and grow a pair. He is almost 30 and still pulling this shit!

When will we learn cut the ex out because she sure doesn't care about you no matter what she says, only drags shit out more.


----------



## MFB

ghstofperdition said:


> Ah, well in that case Ben, play it cool and proceed with caution.
> Now this next part I tell you because you mah brosef and Id expect you to do the same for me buddy:
> 
> Watch your goddamn mouth next time and learn to not sabotage a good thing by flying off the handle. If shit gets too real, explain that you are to angry to be rational and then walk it off for a bit. Take some time and come back to talk to about it when you both have cooled off. Making decisions in the heat of the moment = no bueno, amigo.
> 
> 
> Unrelated thought:
> This is the most time Ive ever spent in this thread. When the hell did I become Sally Jesse Raphael?



Don't worry bro, I pretty much actually told her that I needed to be better at that when we made up that day in March. As well as the other night, I was getting tired and I was like "OK, before I say something really stupid in my sleep deprived state, I'm gonna leave" so I've been getting better at not saying stupid things or learning how to divert myself when the thought comes up


----------



## tacotiklah

I proud u son.


----------



## SenorDingDong

I think I am one of the few who only dates once in awhile and is content with single life most of the time. Don't get me wrong, I would love to find some amazing woman, but lets face it, this is Connecticut. Every woman here is, well, not very lady like in their actions.


----------



## MFB

Jstring said:


> I think I am one of the few who only dates once in awhile and is content with single life most of the time. Don't get me wrong, I would love to find some amazing woman, but lets face it, this is Connecticut. Every woman here is, well, not very lady like in their actions.



I was content between mid-2008, until last Fall when all this shit started going down. I mean c'mon, I wasn't gonna have a chance at a girl who was cute, an ex-cheerleader, knows German, likes Boy Meets World, cooks good macaroni and can shoot a gun just because I was "content." That'd be fucking stupid!


----------



## Gamma362

Jstring said:


> I think I am one of the few who only dates once in awhile and is content with single life most of the time. Don't get me wrong, I would love to find some amazing woman, but lets face it, *this is Connecticut. Every woman here is, well, not very lady like in their actions*.



that's a really extreme and untrue statement if you ask me. I've met some really great women in this state.


----------



## Joe McQuay

Probably a superb idea, but some individuals are nevertheless going to overlook this thread and make their individual thread... Cuz they don't fucking take advantage of the lookup function.
If it's a rule that all love/relationship shit be posted here, as well as the rule is enforced, then I could see it working. very good notion Tiger.


----------



## MFB

I borrowed my friend's girlfriend the other night to play "decoder ring" for a conversation that happened between me and my lady-friend, because lately it's been all : 







And after a while, that gets REALLY old, REALLY fast  Unfortunately, even SHE wasn't much help as she could see it being flirting as I kind of have (I've also been flirting with her since I do still care for her and WOULD like to get back together) but it could also just being nice so things aren't awkward. Her advice was to just play it cool, and if she does come to the wedding with me and things go well, maybe talk with her and see what the chances of it happening are; which this was kind of the plan I'd been formulating for a bit anyways, so I like to think I'm thinking clearly as to not fuck this up.

My biggest fear right now is if there's someone else, in which case scenario I really can't do anything and in Chris' infamous words, "must deal with the pork I receive." And don't bother suggesting creepin' or anything of the sort because she's admitted to me that she doesn't care to make things public and that it doesn't matter if it's online, so there.


----------



## tacotiklah

Damn dude. That is a real mind fuck. Just keep being cool and dont tip your hand too early.


----------



## MFB

Which one, I'm only playing 8 different ones  I feel like I've got so many different hands at play; one in love life, another is that I'm interviewing for a new job immediately after my shift at my current one ends (that's been a blast to keep quiet around my work) as well as schoolwork and such.

But I'm doing my best to keep calm and carry on


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Total apathy towards women lately. I spent the night wiht one of the most beautiful ones I know and just didnt care. I need help man

edit: this has been the same about all aspects of my life.


----------



## tacotiklah

Awesome. Gf is visiting in 3 days, so what does she do? Ends the relationship. Goddamn I need a beer. And a rock.


----------



## Gamma362

ghstofperdition said:


> Awesome. Gf is visiting in 3 days, so what does she do? Ends the relationship. Goddamn I need a beer. And a rock.



That sucks to hear dude


----------



## tacotiklah

Gamma362 said:


> That sucks to hear dude



Dude you have no idea the kind of mindfuck this girl did to me. Its bad enough that I dont want to date women for a while. Its bad enough that I found myself making compromises that I normally never would have agreed to. Fuck her and her bullshit. Im so sick and tired of being that nice guy that perpetually gets stepped over and on in favor of some asshole that treats her like shit. Im fucking tired of women then come crying to me when it happens. 

Ah fuck it. Im gonna try dating a couple of guys to see if there is any less shallowness and metaphorical fecophilia. I doubt it though, because Im positive that all people suck, regardless of gender.

I should just marry my hand and get it over with......


----------



## avenger

I say just go single, its easy enough to gather a list of "friends" if you know what I mean. Plus you save a shit load of money and have nothing holding you down. 

Damn if I am ever single again I am playing the field tell I die.


----------



## MUTANTOID

This is me around girls:


----------



## leandroab

MUTANTOID said:


> This is me around girls:





AHAHHAHAHA
YES!


----------



## Nile

ghstofperdition said:


> Dude you have no idea the kind of mindfuck this girl did to me. Its bad enough that I dont want to date women for a while. Its bad enough that I found myself making compromises that I normally never would have agreed to. Fuck her and her bullshit. Im so sick and tired of being that nice guy that perpetually gets stepped over and on in favor of some asshole that treats her like shit. Im fucking tired of women then come crying to me when it happens.
> 
> Ah fuck it. Im gonna try dating a couple of guys to see if there is any less shallowness and metaphorical fecophilia. I doubt it though, because Im positive that all people suck, regardless of gender.
> 
> I should just marry my hand and get it over with......


 
Quickly, make her know she is being the asshole piece of shit before she says you are and never sees what she truly did.


----------



## Gamma362

ghstofperdition said:


> Dude you have no idea the kind of mindfuck this girl did to me. Its bad enough that I dont want to date women for a while. Its bad enough that I found myself making compromises that I normally never would have agreed to. Fuck her and her bullshit. Im so sick and tired of being that nice guy that perpetually gets stepped over and on in favor of some asshole that treats her like shit. Im fucking tired of women then come crying to me when it happens.
> 
> Ah fuck it. Im gonna try dating a couple of guys to see if there is any less shallowness and metaphorical fecophilia. I doubt it though, because Im positive that all people suck, regardless of gender.
> 
> I should just marry my hand and get it over with......



Honestly man, you should have cut her loose when she said she doesn't know if you can be together because of the drama in your life. If she really cared she wouldn't have said that, she would have wanted to help you.


----------



## tacotiklah

Yeah, I know man. I just had a 3 hour txt fight with her. We cleared the air and are gonna do the friend thing. Meh, I still get a free taco dinner and a day in Nevada out of it that way. I have a thing for traveling, so thats not such a bad deal. And I just got hit up about some comfort sex. We shall see how that goes.


----------



## Gamma362

ghstofperdition said:


> Yeah, I know man. I just had a 3 hour txt fight with her. We cleared the air and are gonna do the friend thing. Meh, I still get a free taco dinner and a day in Nevada out of it that way. I have a thing for traveling, so thats not such a bad deal. And I just got hit up about some comfort sex. We shall see how that goes.



I'm telling you right now the friend thing does not work. Me and my ex tried that at first, we haven't talked in 4 months. we are polite to each other when we are around each other since we have the same friends (though admittedly i kinda cut off contact with them when summer started due to some personal reasons) but really its not something that works.


----------



## tacotiklah

Man this girl is a trip. Apparently she wants to hang out, screw and do the FWB thing while she is visiting. Whatever. Im cant say no to a nice rack. Im not one to use ppl, but since she wants it, ok.


----------



## Gamma362

ghstofperdition said:


> Man this girl is a trip. Apparently she wants to hang out, screw and do the FWB thing while she is visiting. Whatever. Im cant say no to a nice rack. Im not one to use ppl, but since she wants it, ok.



Don't do it man, its not a good idea. She is your ex, you need to cut her out of your life. She should have no place in it.


----------



## Nile

ghstofperdition said:


> Man this girl is a trip. Apparently she wants to hang out, screw and do the FWB thing while she is visiting. Whatever. Im cant say no to a nice rack. Im not one to use ppl, but since she wants it, ok.


 Just ask if she wanted to break up or not?


----------



## tacotiklah

Turns out that she did it because she felt that a regular relationship 2000 miles apart was tying me down. She says that she has no idea when she can actually move out here, so she wants me to date other people guilt free. But the love is still there.


----------



## Devotion

ghstofperdition said:


> Turns out that she did it because she felt that a regular relationship 2000 miles apart was tying me down. She says that she has no idea when she can actually move out here, so she wants me to date other people guilt free. But the love is still there.



I'd say fuck her, and then rock her.



Srsly though, think before you get back to her for a serious relationship. My personal limit for break-ups with one person is 3, and currently I'm at the 3rd time with her. So I have thought very deeply before making this step, as it is (for me) the final one with her. I suggest you make a limit too, because exes can be intoxicating, if that's the right word, if you know what I mean.


----------



## ScrotieMcBoogerballs

Gamma362 said:


> I'm telling you right now the friend thing does not work. Me and my ex tried that at first, we haven't talked in 4 months. we are polite to each other when we are around each other since we have the same friends (though admittedly i kinda cut off contact with them when summer started due to some personal reasons) but really its not something that works.



I disagree to an extent. My ex and I broke up over a year ago and we still talk to this day. At first it was a little weird but it's not even in my mind when we talk.


----------



## Watty

ghstofperdition said:


> I just had a 3 hour txt fight with her.



Wow. Thanks for cheering me up dude.


----------



## Gamma362

ScrotieMcBoogerballs said:


> I disagree to an extent. My ex and I broke up over a year ago and we still talk to this day. At first it was a little weird but it's not even in my mind when we talk.


I'm just going form my experience, but also I have to factor in I don't deal with stress well, and I'm a very clamed up most of the time, I don't open up to people, so when my ex ended it I just got really hostile and and kinda became even more of an asshole than I normally am, which I feel caused my friends to also get a bit distant from me, which didn't help my situation at all and I basically stopped talking to all of them for 2 months after the semester ended all due to getting dumped. I have recently gotten back in touch with 2 of them, after having no intention of talking to any of them again, just because I have come to accept that I am Bi. It was one of the girls in the group that I really trusted and the other person is her boyfriend. I've got a better attitude now than before and It made me realize that I need to be able to talk to people and be a bit more open (though the girl is the only person I know that isn't a member here that knows I am Bi) and hopefully this semester Me and my ex can actually try being friends. (though I am not holding my breath)

TL;DR: I hope that this semester I hope my statement gets proven wrong and me and my ex start getting along better.


----------



## SnowfaLL

ghstofperdition said:


> Yeah, I know man. I just had a 3 hour txt fight with her. We cleared the air and are gonna do the friend thing. Meh, I still get a free taco dinner and a day in Nevada out of it that way. I have a thing for traveling, so thats not such a bad deal. And I just got hit up about some comfort sex. We shall see how that goes.



who cares about relationships when you get free tacos?

food and music >>> girls.


----------



## tacotiklah

NickCormier said:


> who cares about relationships when you get free tacos?
> 
> food and music >>> girls.



Dude, I have been saying this for years. 

Unrelated:
I earned my bi badge today. Nice, good looking guy saw my cl ad and rolled by. He left a very happy man. 





Btw, does anybody have any mouthwash? I seemed to have run out.........


----------



## tacotiklah

Damn. I killed this thread deader than a doornail with that last post. 4 days and no posts? 

Anyways, ex is out here and is already at work on my emotions. Where the hell did I put that relationship rock again?.........


----------



## flo

^Take mine bro


----------



## Gamma362

ghstofperdition said:


> Damn. I killed this thread deader than a doornail with that last post. 4 days and no posts?
> 
> Anyways, ex is out here and is already at work on my emotions. Where the hell did I put that relationship rock again?.........



I told ya man, you gotta cut her out completely, its the only way.


----------



## flo

^Truth!!!!!


----------



## ZXIIIT

Gamma362 said:


> I told ya man, you gotta cut her out completely, its the only way.



This man's advice is gold.


----------



## Gamma362

Gamma362 said:


> I told ya man, you gotta cut her out completely, its the only way.


I would like to make an addendum to this: 

It is acceptable to pull the whole "lets be friends" crap after a certain amount of time has been taken. The amount of time depends on the parties involved, but needs both parties to have moved on completely. Only then will you be capable of being friends.


----------



## flo

Gamma362 said:


> I would like to make an addendum to this:
> 
> It is acceptable to pull the whole "lets be friends" crap after a certain amount of time has been taken. The amount of time depends on the parties involved, but needs both parties to have moved on completely. Only then will you be capable of being friends.



I've tried that, it ended in a disaster. My ex wants to be friends with me, and I'm not sure if I want it cause it always reminds me of the two years of terror I had with her, the breakup, the guy she had a month later and broke up with weeks later but still talks about every time we meet. And she totally refuses to talk with me about my feelings. Is that a friend? I don't think so. We're getting along better then back when we were a couple, but I'm still very pissed quite often. And she won't listen. Right now the only option I can see really is to end this once and for all. No more "let's be friends". I've got other people I'm really friends with.


Need another rock.


On the bright side, there is a girl I actually like a lot. There is nothing very special about her but this one thing: she calms me down as soon as she enters the room, no matter what mood I'm in. We're not close (yet), but I see this as a good sign that I should give it a try.


----------



## Gamma362

flo said:


> I've tried that, it ended in a disaster. My ex wants to be friends with me, and I'm not sure if I want it cause it always reminds me of the two years of terror I had with her, the breakup, the guy she had a month later and broke up with weeks later but still talks about every time we meet. And she totally refuses to talk with me about my feelings. Is that a friend? I don't think so. We're getting along better then back when we were a couple, but I'm still very pissed quite often. And she won't listen. Right now the only option I can see really is to end this once and for all. No more "let's be friends". I've got other people I'm really friends with.
> 
> 
> Need another rock.
> 
> 
> On the bright side, there is a girl I actually like a lot. There is nothing very special about her but this one thing: she calm me down as soon as she enters the room, no matter what mood I'm in. We're not close (yet), but I see this as a good sign that I should give it a try.



Good luck with the new chick dude, hope it works out for ya

Now for the other part, I'm going to have an optimistic view. Me ans my ex were together for only 3 months and things were great between us until the break up of course, which wasn't hostile, though everything eventually went down hill on my end, but I digress. Me and my ex have the same group of friends so, I have to have a different view on these things, I have to stay optimistic that we can be friends, im not hoping for best friends or even that close of friends, just as long as we can be somewhat of friends I will be happy with the situation.


----------



## tacotiklah

See Geoff, thats my problem right now. Me and this girl have the same group of friends. We are invariably going to run into each other up til next wednesday when she flies back home. At that point, washing my hands of her will be MUCH easier.


----------



## MFB

I keep forgetting how close my co-workers wedding is, and I somehow have to get a hold of my friend who now works two jobs which she really likes, while she works doubles for the next few days  Curse you social obligations and your expectations of me to bring someone, CURSE YOU.


----------



## Murmel

^
Be a trend-breaker, don't bring anyone, I don't see how it's that big of a deal.


----------



## MFB

Eh, then I'll feel like shit myself since I'm already going to be sitting with other co-workers who are dense as rocks and therefore need an escape.


----------



## tacotiklah

Who says you have to bring that friend? Find another that is free that day.


----------



## MFB

I have about 3 friends that are single and I can tolerate an entire afternoon with  Maybe I'll hit up this other girl and see if she's free. We haven't talked in a few months so it'd be good to catch up. My buddy said I could also take his girlfriend if need be since she REALLY wants to go to a wedding (First one she'll have EVER gone to is this weekend)


----------



## tacotiklah

Well are you going to the wedding to support the bride and groom or are you going as a date with someone? If the former, then bring a guy friend if need be and tell him there is food, alcohol and possibly hot women involved. Any guy that turns that down is retarded.


----------



## niffnoff

I was told by a certain "plug" on this forum to vent ¬¬ yes sir happy now?

Last week or so I finally got back into the mindset I might be able to go back on the pull, but I ain't aiming for anything serious due to the reason of leaving for the U.S soon and the fact there's no reason to be serious at age 18, this lesson being learned when I dated a girl when I was 15, and lasted till I I was 17. I felt quite proud it last 2 years as it was my first relationship. Not that during those 2 years it was the most awful experience looking back on it. 

Anyway that aside I finally meet a decent girl from my area, I started to get to know her, and just as my luck would have. She meets my friend and dates him instead, now fair enough and that but the next week she basically gets fucked over (the dude has a few skeletons he tried to run from, stupid dick) from the dude. 

Now she acts like a feckin depressent and blarts to me her life story. And the stupid sympathic guy I am listens to it. But just the parts where all she can mention is her ex drives me to the point of insanity. I'm not the jealous kind, but I think some of us can really get irrate if they are told by anyone about their ex in many details, and as much as I try and move the topic off him, she manages to find that loop hole. Sucks cause one thing I hate is seeing people upset cause it gets me worked up to if I'm close to the person. Ah well.

/rant over. Happy plug?!?!?!? lol


----------



## Dan

She sees you as an easy target to vent to as a friend. Mistake you made was heading right into the friend zone. You have to remember that women dont think like men, we think with our pee pee's .

From personal experience i have found that women like guys with just a little bit of dickhead to them. Juuuuuuuuuust enough so they think they can change you . Its always worked for me with my forward nature haha. 

Just get back on the horse and ride mate! Women will come and go, and you have to remember when you hit the US bitches will find your accent irresistable! BUT thats only if you get a haircut and dress well you freakin hippy!


----------



## niffnoff

You sir are a dick sir 
The hair is at the moment staying haha, and I don't think I've worn anything along the lines of hippy or the dreaded band tees xD

I dunno as much as I try to act a dick and confidence I feel I can't act that way without just feelin like gettin involved. I got the dreaded cling factor, hmmm.

I really sometimes wish I had the "fuck bitches, get money" mentality. Sadly I'm just to much of a nice guy. xD


----------



## Dan

Being nice is good. You just need more confidence! If i were you id go out and buy the book 'The rules of the Game' By neil strauss. 

That is all


----------



## BucketheadRules

Plug said:


> Being nice is good. You just need more confidence! If i were you id go out and buy the book 'The rules of the Game' By neil strauss.
> 
> That is all



I thought being an overconfident arsehole was the way to make girls want to have sex with you?

Now I'm confused


----------



## Dan

BucketheadRules said:


> I thought being an overconfident arsehole was the way to make girls want to have sex with you?
> 
> Now I'm confused



Ahh see theres a difference. Theres overconfidence where some girls want to have sex with you, but they are usually tramps. Or there is just the right amount of confidence so girls see a strong confident male.

For example when chatting up a bird:

Don't go up all confident and use a bad chat up line or ask her if she wants a drink. BAD MOVE, she sees it as a typical chat up and it will put her defences up.

instead

Walk up and say hello, that you saw her earlier and wondered if she wanted to just generally chat. She will smile and be polite, if you are charming, make her laugh and just act like yourself she will see you for being you. It's so much harder than it looks. The right amount of confidence coupled with a lot of self confidence is key


----------



## niffnoff

Plug said:


> Ahh see theres a difference. Theres overconfidence where some girls want to have sex with you, but they are usually tramps. Or there is just the right amount of confidence so girls see a strong confident male.
> 
> For example when chatting up a bird:
> 
> Don't go up all confident and use a bad chat up line or ask her if she wants a drink. BAD MOVE, she sees it as a typical chat up and it will put her defences up.
> 
> instead
> 
> Walk up and say hello, that you saw her earlier and wondered if she wanted to just generally chat. She will smile and be polite, if you are charming, make her laugh and just act like yourself she will see you for being you. It's so much harder than it looks. The right amount of confidence coupled with a lot of self confidence is key


I take your confidence and raise you Barney


----------



## Murmel

So basically, if you're not a charming guy, you're fucked?


----------



## Dan

Murmel said:


> So basically, if you're not a charming guy, you're fucked?



I'm a perfect gentleman!  I've just learned to play the game, and play it well!


----------



## leandroab

Murmel said:


> So basically, if you're not a charming guy, you're fucked?



*grabs girl*

Hi, have you met Adrian?

*runs away*


----------



## Murmel

leandroab said:


> *grabs girl*
> 
> Hi, have you met Adrian?
> 
> *runs away*


Living in the small ass town I do, she probably knows who I am, at least


----------



## Justin Bailey

I have a total crush on jailbait right now, its fucking weird. She's the legal age of consent, don't worry about that, but she's still young... fuck.


----------



## -42-

Why don't you take a seat over there? >


----------



## -42-

Also, for the record, why are you calling her jailbait if she's not actually jailbait? I don't think a single member of this forum is going to begrudge you the right to want to knob some hot eighteen year-old.


----------



## Dan

-42- said:


> Also, for the record, why are you calling her jailbait if she's not actually jailbait? I don't think a single member of this forum is going to begrudge you the right to want to knob some hot eighteen year-old.



3 year rule bro! I was dating an 18 year old 6 months back. She was a dancer


----------



## tacotiklah

Just got back in touch with an old gay friend of mine from a while ago. Apparently he has a crush on me all that time. He isnt bad looking at all, so I might go for it. Never dated a dude before, so Im curious.....


----------



## Justin Bailey

-42- said:


> Also, for the record, why are you calling her jailbait if she's not actually jailbait? I don't think a single member of this forum is going to begrudge you the right to want to knob some hot eighteen year-old.



Because she is jailbait, she's 16


----------



## Gamma362

ghstofperdition said:


> Just got back in touch with an old gay friend of mine from a while ago. Apparently he has a crush on me all that time. He isnt bad looking at all, so I might go for it. Never dated a dude before, so Im curious.....


power to ya man!


----------



## Cheesebuiscut

Justin Bailey said:


> Because she is jailbait, she's 16



Check state laws, in jersey the age of consent is 16 as long as your not in a supervisory position over the person (IE: parent, boss, teacher, etc).


----------



## Justin Bailey

16 is in fact the age of consent here, I just still feel like a dirty old man. Haha.


----------



## UnderTheSign

If it's the age of consent, it's not jailbait, right...?


----------



## tacotiklah

Gamma362 said:


> power to ya man!



Thanks brosef! Yeah Im a bit nervous since its all new and stuff. But Im still gunshy about doing it since there is a third wheel involved and I just went through that shit already. I may just stick with the fwb thing and not get too attached. Now granted the circumstances are different (no such thing as cheating in a polyamorous relationship)
I still dont wanna be embroiled in another tagalong fling that goes no where. But Im not adverse to having great sex either, so Ill play this one by ear and if I suss out trouble, Ill bounce the fuck outta that shit........


----------



## Murmel

You must also tell us, if you go that far, what it's like to have another mans limb up the anus. So we can know whether we should give it a shot or not


----------



## avenger

Plug said:


> 3 year rule bro! I was dating an 18 year old 6 months back. She was a dancer


I thought it was half your age plus seven, but really once they hit 18 its all fair game


----------



## Gamma362

Murmel said:


> You must also tell us, if you go that far, what it's like to have another mans limb up the anus. So we can know whether we should give it a shot or not


Dude, you are messed up


----------



## leandroab

Gamma362 said:


> Dude, you are messed up



I've been telling him this for a while now... 

In other news, I might be getting/already got friendzone'd. Again.

I want to shoot myself in the face.


----------



## Gamma362

leandroab said:


> I've been telling him this for a while now...
> 
> In other news, I might be getting/already got friendzone'd. Again.
> 
> I want to shoot myself in the face.




Don't shoot yourself in the face!!!! give someone else the pleasure of doing it.











































I keed I keed 

but seriously I think we all know how it feels, it sucks, but there will be others out there and until you find a good one remember this:


----------



## flo

leandroab said:


> I've been telling him this for a while now...
> 
> In other news, I might be getting/already got friendzone'd. Again.
> 
> I want to shoot myself in the face.



There's no justice in the world. there simply isn't. 

I can't find the Memewolf who says 
FRIENDZONE?!?!?
VIOLATE FEELINGS.
ENFORCE RAPE.

It sucks. 
If there is a minimal chance, take it. If not, make someone else happy.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

It's been years since I've met a single woman my age whose last name isn't "the Manatee." I should get out more.


----------



## Murmel

Gamma362 said:


> Dude, you are messed up


You can't say that you're not curious


----------



## tacotiklah

Murmel said:


> You must also tell us, if you go that far, what it's like to have another mans limb up the anus. So we can know whether we should give it a shot or not



Havent had that yet, but pm me and I can describe vividly what its like to give a bj.


----------



## MFB

ghstofperdition said:


> Havent had that yet, but pm me and I can describe vividly what its like to give a bj.



I'd say fuck you, but well, that's just an offer not an insult anymore 



Spoiler



But(t) seriously, fuck. you. for that mental image


----------



## Murmel

ghstofperdition said:


> Havent had that yet, but pm me and I can describe vividly what its like to give a bj.



Dude, pm totally sent 

I don't understand why all dudes are so scared of dicks


----------



## Gamma362

Murmel said:


> You can't say that you're not curious


Ill just leave this here for ya 



Gamma362 said:


> So since this seems like the best place to post this, here it goes.
> 
> I have recently come to accept that I am Bisexual. It was something that I have been dealing with for years and It feels really liberating to finally come to accept it.


----------



## Necris

Murmel said:


> Dude, pm totally sent
> 
> I don't understand why all dudes are so scared of dicks









It's time for you to accept it.


----------



## BucketheadRules

^ I tried to highlight that. I was super excited at the prospect of multi-coloured spoiler tags.

Then I remembered what it actually was.


----------



## Murmel

Chris, I know you and Ryan think I'm totally gay, but I'm still in love with this one girl after 8½ months 
I couldn't give less of a shit if I turned out to be bi though, I mean, I don't see the big deal


----------



## Necris

Murmel said:


> Chris, I know you and Ryan think I'm totally gay, but I'm still in love with this one girl after 8½ months
> I couldn't give less of a shit if I turned out to be bi though, I mean, I don't see the big deal


There isn't one.


----------



## flo

Murmel said:


> Chris, I know you and Ryan think I'm totally gay, but I'm still in love with this one girl after 8½ months
> I couldn't give less of a shit if I turned out to be bi though, I mean, I don't see the big deal



All it does really is to increase the amount of potential partners


----------



## tacotiklah

Murmel said:


> Chris, I know you and Ryan think I'm totally gay, but I'm still in love with this one girl after 8½ months
> I couldn't give less of a shit if I turned out to be bi though, I mean, I don't see the big deal



Trust me whe I say I prefer being bi to straight. You will have the most awesome and interesting sex life. 


Anybody here thats curious and want a chat, pm me. Ill give you the tour.


----------



## Murmel

Ghosts story was definitely interesting. I think everyone would benefit from reading it, just for the learning experience


----------



## Murmel

I just came up with something, and this will sound so fucking gay... But isn't it possible to stretch so that you can actually give yourself a BJ? 
You know, like athletes and shit sit down and have their legs straight and bend over to grab their feet while stretching.

I'm a fucking genius.

Edit: Reading the above while picturing Shono like in my avatar is hilarious


----------



## Nile

Murmel said:


> I just came up with something, and this will sound so fucking gay... But isn't it possible to stretch so that you can actually give yourself a BJ?
> You know, like athletes and shit sit down and have their legs straight and bend over to grab their feet while stretching.
> 
> I'm a fucking genius.
> 
> Edit: Reading the above while picturing Shono like in my avatar is hilarious


I believe they have done this on Metalocalypse, you know when Skwisgaard and Toki are about to die I think Skwisgaard is like "I finally did it..." 
Toki"Did what?"
Skwisgaard"Sucked my own cock"
Skwisgaard"I can die happy now..."








Edit: Your also gay, just admit it.


----------



## Murmel

I'm not gay, I'm on my way to bisexuality, there's a difference.
And I'm just in general really fucking fascinated by sexuality as a whole


----------



## Nile

Murmel said:


> I'm not gay, I'm on my way to bisexuality, there's a difference.
> And I'm just in general really fucking fascinated by sexuality as a whole


 By your posts and interest in Ghost I'd say your already at the bi stage.


----------



## Murmel

I'm not interested the least in Ghost, I'm just curious what it's like being bi, I don't see why people make this such a big deal


----------



## Nile

Murmel said:


> I'm not interested the least in Ghost, I'm just curious what it's like being bi, I don't see why people make this such a big deal


 Just non-literally fucking with you dude


----------



## tacotiklah

Murmel said:


> I just came up with something, and this will sound so fucking gay... But isn't it possible to stretch so that you can actually give yourself a BJ?
> You know, like athletes and shit sit down and have their legs straight and bend over to grab their feet while stretching.
> 
> I'm a fucking genius.
> 
> Edit: Reading the above while picturing Shono like in my avatar is hilarious



Ah, what you are describing is a feat known as auto-fellatio. Its really hard to do, but its been around for a while. A famous example of its mention is in the Kevin Smith movie "Clerks". Dante mentions a relative that broke his neck and died while attempting it. 

Every guy would do it if they could reach, so I fail to see why its such a big deal. 

And lemme set the record straight here:
One of the most common forms of biphobia is the assumption that it doesnt exist. This is apparent in the thinking that just because a guy wants to get it on with another guy, then that means that he is completely gay and can never want relationships with women again. Id liken that kind of stereotype to be up there with the belief that all black people ONLY eat fried chicken and watermelon. Its complete bs and can be hurtful. Just my .02.

Anyways, here I sit; alone and bored. Ima try and find me some booty here soon.


----------



## BucketheadRules

ghstofperdition said:


> Ah, what you are describing is a feat known as auto-fellatio. Its really hard to do, but its been around for a while. A famous example of its mention is in the Kevin Smith movie "Clerks". Dante mentions a relative that broke his neck and died while attempting it.



Wasn't there some bullshit rumour that Marilyn Manson had a couple of his ribs removed so he could do this?

Despite the fact that removing two ribs entirely, and expecting the body to function normally, probably wouldn't be possible to do without that rather nasty side effect known as death...


----------



## tacotiklah

Yoga training can give you the flexibility to do it as well. Ive attempted it in the past, was unsuccessful, gave myself the most god awful pain in the neck and sprayed right in my eye. After that, I said "fuck it, if I need to do that that badly, Ill find somebody else." Havent messed with it since. Props to those that can do it though. You just rendered your girlfriends threats of withholding sex pointless.


----------



## Gamma362

ghstofperdition said:


> You just rendered your girlfriends threats of withholding sex pointless.


I thought masturbation already did that?


----------



## tacotiklah

Gamma362 said:


> I thought masturbation already did that?



Be honest dude. Would you rather have a handjob or oral? I rest my case.....


----------



## MFB

Yes, but see if you blow yourself you also have to deal with your own load AND the salty after taste


----------



## tacotiklah

MFB said:


> Yes, but see if you blow yourself you also have to deal with your own load AND the salty after taste



False. And on both counts.

1. There is no rule that says you have to ingest a load.
2. Its only salty if you eat a lot of meat. Eat lots of fruits and veggies and it tastes sweet. 

Trust me when I say that girlfriends will be MUCH more receptive to doing that if you put in the effort to make it more pleasurable for them.


----------



## metal_sam14

Just stepping in to say that this thread got graphic real quick 

Perhaps tone it down a bit guys, this is a good thread and it would be a big loss if it got locked


----------



## Nile

metal_sam14 said:


> Just stepping in to say that this thread got graphic real quick
> 
> Perhaps tone it down a bit guys, this is a good thread and it would be a big loss if it got locked


 Gives me the damn giggles


----------



## Gamma362

ghstofperdition said:


> Be honest dude. Would you rather have a handjob or oral? I rest my case.....


The ex didn't give blow jobs  she said that she didn't like to.


----------



## Nile

Ok enough before this gets closed and we won't be able to help the next sad person and he/she(rarely she) will off themselves and it would be Murmels fault for starting a whole thing on bj's


----------



## metal_sam14

I found these to lighten the mood:






Then this one made me fucking


----------



## the fuhrer

did anyone else read the tags for this thread?


----------



## ZEBOV

the fuhrer said:


> did anyone else read the tags for this thread?



I just looked at this thread for the first time ever because I saw that the last person who posted was "the fuhrer". I was like "Who the fuck is that?!" I had to see, and saw the tags, thaniks to you.
Thaniks is the new thanks.


----------



## Devotion

Murmel said:


> Ghosts story was definitely interesting. I think everyone would benefit from reading it, just for the learning experience



I'ma quote this for the absolute truth. Just saying.

And what's wrong with a bit graphical content? It's the love and relationships-thread, sex is included in those 2 you know, it's nature


----------



## Murmel

Nile said:


> Ok enough before this gets closed and we won't be able to help the next sad person and he/she(rarely she) will off themselves and it would be Murmels fault for starting a whole thing on bj's


I'm sorry if that happens, the mods do seem to stay the fuck away from this thread though, but what do I know 



Devotion said:


> I'ma quote this for the absolute truth. Just saying.
> 
> And what's wrong with a bit graphical content? It's the love and relationships-thread, sex is included in those 2 you know, it's nature


I giggled the entire night yesterday because this thread is so much fun 
Stuff like this is one my favourite topics of conversation, sadly, I only know one person who I can talk with about stuff like this, she's also a very open minded person.


----------



## tacotiklah

Devotion said:


> I'ma quote this for the absolute truth. Just saying.
> 
> And what's wrong with a bit graphical content? It's the love and relationships-thread, sex is included in those 2 you know, it's nature



Well normally Id agree, but since there are minors on this site, I dont think the mods, admin or authorities would appreciate me posting any explicit content on the forums. And Im not keen on being someones bitch in jail. So Ima have to pass on posting it here. Sorry.


----------



## Murmel

ghstofperdition said:


> Well normally Id agree, but since there are minors on this site, I dont think the mods, admin or authorities would appreciate me posting any explicit content on the forums. And Im not keen on being someones bitch in jail. So Ima have to pass on posting it here. Sorry.



Then we shall keep my age a mystery


----------



## Devotion

Murmel said:


> Then we shall keep my age a mystery



Guilty too 

And I wasn't suggesting posting it here, just regarding the previous posts


----------



## Nile

Is 17 still minor?
Edit: Nevermind it is.


----------



## tacotiklah

You all are jailbait, so stay away. 

Back on topic:
Now my ex misses me so much that she just HAS to move out here. :rollseyes:


----------



## Gamma362

ghstofperdition said:


> You all are jailbait, so stay away.
> 
> Back on topic:
> Now my ex misses me so much that she just HAS to move out here. :rollseyes:


*sigh* I know you prolly won't, but it needs to be said, don't get back together with you ex.


----------



## Nile

ghstofperdition said:


> You all are jailbait, so stay away.
> 
> Back on topic:
> Now my ex misses me so much that she just HAS to move out here. :rollseyes:


 Tell her it was her fault. Girls seem to like to fuck you over and then come crying back when shit doesn't work out. Happened to me twice with the same girl as mentioned before by me and is going to probably happen again, she already cheated on me for the second time for the past 3 months. Still love her so I must be a fucking idiot


----------



## tacotiklah

Oh I remind her, trust and believe that. And she keeps saying how she is an idiot for spending so little time with me the whole week she was out here. I said nothing to contradict her.


----------



## Nile

ghstofperdition said:


> Oh I remind her, trust and believe that. And she keeps saying how she is an idiot for spending so little time with me the whole week she was out here. I said nothing to contradict her.


Good move dude, don't fall into trying to make her happy. I remind used to remind mine of what she did but then she would be sad so I had to say it was my fault and take all the blame off her, but I guess from me doing that so much she just stomps all the fuck over me now with no remorse.

Edit: Don't do it so much that your just being an asshole in the end about it though. Also don't want her feeling so remorseful and doing something stupid.

No Remorse


----------



## tacotiklah

Oh no, I did that with my ex fiancee, so Ive learned not to take shit from women. Now I still tend to have a higher threshold for it than your average guy, but I know when to lay down the law whenever that becomes necessary. That said, I still have to fight urges to accept blame for everything just so that she is happy and all conflict is resolved. Then I gotta remind myself that thats my ptsd talking and to knock that shit off.

Every time I see somebody do that crap now, I want to hand them a business card that says, "Man da fug up!"


----------



## caskettheclown

Me and my girlfriend of eight months broke up last night. I broke up with her cause she was not doing any of the things she said she was going to do. She had no sense of relationship privacy, she would tell everybody everything about our relationship, even the dirty details. I was ALWAYS there for her when she needed me and the few times I needed someone to tell me it'll be ok, she didn't even try. She lives fucking filthy as shit. Dogs just shitting in the house, she didn't even try and take them out. I couldn't take a shower without shit being in it. Food sitting on the stove till MAGGOTS are crawling in it. Not to mention she has a billion health problems, its not even about the health problems, its that she isn't trying to take care of herself. 

Also a big thing is her sister stole my class ring I gave her. We had an agreement that I would get it back if we broke up. So I told her sister that if I don't get it back, i'll go to her church and spread the word, call her jobs and complain and take legal action as well.

Overall i'm not to upset over the breakup, yea I miss her but i'm not depressed or anything. The thing that hurts the most though is , I see her flirting with other guys already! Makes me feel like I didn't even mean anything to her. If I meant anything to her, then she shouldn't be flirting with guys on DAY ONE. I don't know maybe i'm wrong though.



Edit- sorry bout the long post , didn't mean to vent :\


----------



## tacotiklah

Show her your proud heritage that is the tribe of Slap-a-ho. The girl has plenty of issue it seems and no real desire to do anything about them. Move on and find a girl that has more self respect.


----------



## caskettheclown

ghstofperdition said:


> Show her your proud heritage that is the tribe of Slap-a-ho. The girl has plenty of issue it seems and no real desire to do anything about them. Move on and find a girl that has more self respect.




I understood that she has problems because when she was growing up she went through so horrific shit. SOO MUCH MORE than being raped and beaten, but she has to try to be happy. I know she may never be over it but all I asked was that she try to be happy.

I learned from past relationships that I got way to much self respect to be the one doing all the work in the relationship and that I deserve better.


----------



## tacotiklah

Exactly dude. When a relationship is healthy, both of you work as one team with each pulling their own weight for the greater good. A relationship becomes toxic when that no longer happens. The end result of the latter is resentment and mistrust. Trust is the foundation of a stable relationship, so if it isnt there, the whole thing collapses. Good for you for getting out of there before things could become particularly bad.


----------



## MFB

Man, last night was fucking weird for me. I got a call from the "ex" asking if I wanted to grab some wine and come watch movies, which is a classier way of booty-calling I thought, so I said sure why not. So I run to the liquor store and it's already closed since it's ten minutes of 10PM, so I'm cutting it close. Luckily I find one that's open and they're out of the wine she wants so I ask her which to grab and we settle upon a Franzia Merlot boxed wine. 

Let me just say this, Merlot wine is the worst fucking thing I've ever drank, and I've had tequila - STRAIGHT tequila. Horrid stuff yes, but compared to Merlot it might as well have been ambrosia. So, we watch "Despicable Me" while talking then end up watching "American Dad" on Netflix, until finally going for a "walk." By this point she's had a glass and a half or so, and we make it one house before she decides to go any further because then we do have to walk back; the catch-22 of all walks known to man basically.

Then she ends up on her laptop, Youtubin' shit up and listening to old songs which never ends well when someone's been drinking and shit starts getting heavy. Won't go into details about the majority of it since I told her I'd keep it private, but I remember one line she said was "The guy who's supposed to be in my life hasn't talked to me in 5 days" to which I wanted to tell her fuck him, he had his shot and is currently blowing it. I'd give him maybe another day or two if the roles were opposite and some chick was playing me like that.

I ended up being over till 2:30AM and when I got home I was locked out because apparently our dead-bolt has two locks on it, one which you can still open from the outside, and the other is only unlockable from the inside; this being the one they set it to vs. the correct one (and I don't have a backdoor key since I can't park in the driveway because of the other 2 cars).

Luckily she was still awake and I crashed on the floor in her living room, but somehow I gave myself rug burn in my sleep (talk about a nasty rug eh! ). I even changed the loads in her wash because she forgot to put her work clothes in for today, as well as having already done several little favors throughout the night.


----------



## Gamma362

MFB said:


> Man, last night was fucking weird for me. I got a call from the "ex" asking if I wanted to grab some wine and come watch movies, which is a classier way of booty-calling I thought, so I said sure why not. So I run to the liquor store and it's already closed since it's ten minutes of 10PM, so I'm cutting it close. Luckily I find one that's open and they're out of the wine she wants so I ask her which to grab and we settle upon a Franzia Merlot boxed wine.
> 
> Let me just say this, Merlot wine is the worst fucking thing I've ever drank, and I've had tequila - STRAIGHT tequila. Horrid stuff yes, but compared to Merlot it might as well have been ambrosia. So, we watch "Despicable Me" while talking then end up watching "American Dad" on Netflix, until finally going for a "walk." By this point she's had a glass and a half or so, and we make it one house before she decides to go any further because then we do have to walk back; the catch-22 of all walks known to man basically.
> 
> Then she ends up on her laptop, Youtubin' shit up and listening to old songs which never ends well when someone's been drinking and shit starts getting heavy. Won't go into details about the majority of it since I told her I'd keep it private, but I remember one line she said was "The guy who's supposed to be in my life hasn't talked to me in 5 days" to which I wanted to tell her fuck him, he had his shot and is currently blowing it. I'd give him maybe another day or two if the roles were opposite and some chick was playing me like that.
> 
> I ended up being over till 2:30AM and when I got home I was locked out because apparently our dead-bolt has two locks on it, one which you can still open from the outside, and the other is only unlockable from the inside; this being the one they set it to vs. the correct one (and I don't have a backdoor key since I can't park in the driveway because of the other 2 cars).
> 
> Luckily she was still awake and I crashed on the floor in her living room, but somehow I gave myself rug burn in my sleep (talk about a nasty rug eh! ). I even changed the loads in her wash because she forgot to put her work clothes in for today, as well as having already done several little favors throughout the night.



Looks like she has you pretty well trained...


----------



## MFB

The "little things" really were the tiniest of favors, like getting her some more water or ice from the fridge, etc... Half the time I was already up and on my way back from taking a piss  The laundry was me just being nice because I know what it's like having clothes you need for the next day and forgetting to wash them, it's a shitty thing to have happen so why not just suck it up and do something nice?


----------



## tacotiklah

Gamma362 said:


> Looks like she has you pretty well trained...



This. If she is talking to you about other guys and has you doing her laundry, then you've pretty much have been friend zoned. Sry bro.


----------



## MFB

Can it be consider friend-zoned if this is the first time I've seen her in a few months besides the passing "Hey let's be on good terms" and the most we've spoken since then? I thought there had to be an actual line of communication every now and then for that to happen or else you really are just a _friend_


----------



## tacotiklah

MFB said:


> Can it be consider friend-zoned if this is the first time I've seen her in a few months besides the passing "Hey let's be on good terms" and the most we've spoken since then? I thought there had to be an actual line of communication every now and then for that to happen or else you really are just a _friend_



Well based off of what you described, she doesnt see you as anything beyond a friend. If you are cool with that, more power to ya. Just dont get your hopes up for anything beyond that.


----------



## caskettheclown

Since I broke up with my girl, i miss her and all that shit but what really gets me down is , I miss the cat she had. The cat basically claimed me and followed me around everywhere. I fucking loved that cat.


Guess i'm pussy whipped again haha



Onto a more serious note. I just found out she was cheating on me with one of her exs. Fuck. ME. Eight months of sacrificing so much for her and not so much as the common courtesy to break up with me when she doesn't love me anymore. Shit this stings guys. I hate to be "this guy" but every girlfriend i've had has cheated on me. (though i've only had a couple but still).


Any ideas on helping the sting go away? I know ultimately its just up to me to move on but still it would be nice to know i'm not the only one...


----------



## metal_sam14

caskettheclown said:


> Since I broke up with my girl, i miss her and all that shit but what really gets me down is , I miss the cat she had. The cat basically claimed me and followed me around everywhere. I fucking loved that cat.
> 
> 
> Guess i'm pussy whipped again haha
> 
> 
> 
> Onto a more serious note. I just found out she was cheating on me with one of her exs. Fuck. ME. Eight months of sacrificing so much for her and not so much as the common courtesy to break up with me when she doesn't love me anymore. Shit this stings guys. I hate to be "this guy" but every girlfriend i've had has cheated on me. (though i've only had a couple but still).
> 
> 
> Any ideas on helping the sting go away? I know ultimately its just up to me to move on but still it would be nice to know i'm not the only one...



Same thing happened to me with the cheating, not going to lie it is going to fucking suck for a while, surround yourself with friends, do things you enjoy because you deserve to be happy. pay no attention to her, and definitely DO NOT go looking for a fight, it never ends well.

Hang in there bud


----------



## avenger

MFB said:


> Can it be consider friend-zoned if this is the first time I've seen her in a few months besides the passing "Hey let's be on good terms" and the most we've spoken since then? I thought there had to be an actual line of communication every now and then for that to happen or else you really are just a _friend_


If you are trying to bang her I cant see any other perfect setup then wine and movies. Just go for it or are you trying to be friends? If friends then just dont. Girls arent good friends


----------



## cwhitey2

my solution anymore is a friends with benefits...

i have had one now for like a month (first time having one)...best thing EVER 

no emotional attachment at all 

has a vag 

is hot 



me: 'Hey what do you want to do today?'

her: (proceeds to molest me)

me: (partake in the molesting)

after session  

me: bye

her: good bye call me next week 


thats how easy it is to get laid


----------



## MFB

avenger said:


> If you are trying to bang her I cant see any other perfect setup then wine and movies. Just go for it or are you trying to be friends? If friends then just dont. Girls arent good friends



I'm actually kind of pissed cause I probably could've gotten some ass out of the night, or at least some solid making out despite their being a supposed "other guy" because in hindsight, it does kind of seem like it was a push to see if I still had feelings for her and should she call me up like that; see if I would act on them. It could've gone either way now that I look back on it, I just happen to have played too much Mass Effect and chose Paragon over Renegade (/nerd mode).

She was scared of not having stuff to move out with (aka no boxes with the move in a week away) so I snagged some for her and dropped em off. I don't plan on helping move in but should I get the call to CELEBRATE a successful move-in, you can bet my ass'll be there.


----------



## caskettheclown

metal_sam14 said:


> Same thing happened to me with the cheating, not going to lie it is going to fucking suck for a while, surround yourself with friends, do things you enjoy because you deserve to be happy. pay no attention to her, and definitely DO NOT go looking for a fight, it never ends well.
> 
> Hang in there bud





Thanks man, i'm spending a lot of time with friends and working on improving my life a lot more. I'm finishing this pack of cigarettes and i'm quitting. I got some job interveiws this week and so on...


----------



## Nile

What if I absolutely hate my ex for what she did to me but I still love her and still think she is an amazing person?


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Nile said:


> What if I absolutely hate my ex for what she did to me but I still love her and still think she is an amazing person?


 
Join the club?


----------



## cwhitey2

Nile said:


> What if I absolutely hate my ex for what she did to me but I still love her and still think she is an amazing person?



Whats your address? I'm mailing you a rock as I'm writing this...


----------



## Nile

I'll join the club then lol.




100th page!


----------



## MFB

Yup, I've come to the conclusion that the chick I was talking about is in fact and idiot, who may or may not have played me when we were briefly together; and has zero clue how relations and feelings work, so fuck me sideways if I ever think getting back with her would be a good idea.

Honestly, I tried so many ways to tell her if you're in a relationship with someone but have someone on the side who you used to date, it's going to end badly for the new guy because there's a slight territorial aspect to relationships; and good GOD it did NOT click.


----------



## Gamma362

MFB said:


> Yup, I've come to the conclusion that the chick I was talking about is in fact and idiot, who may or may not have played me when we were briefly together; and has zero clue how relations and feelings work, so fuck me sideways if I ever think getting back with her would be a good idea.
> 
> Honestly, I tried so many ways to tell her if you're in a relationship with someone but have someone on the side who you used to date, it's going to end badly for the new guy because there's a slight territorial aspect to relationships; and good GOD it did NOT click.


put her out of your misery.


----------



## MFB

Seriously the more I think about it, the more I'm enraged by what was spoken. Gah


----------



## caskettheclown

MFB said:


> Yup, I've come to the conclusion that the chick I was talking about is in fact and idiot, who may or may not have played me when we were briefly together; and has zero clue how relations and feelings work, so fuck me sideways if I ever think getting back with her would be a good idea.
> 
> Honestly, I tried so many ways to tell her if you're in a relationship with someone but have someone on the side who you used to date, it's going to end badly for the new guy because there's a slight territorial aspect to relationships; and good GOD it did NOT click.



I will never date a girl like that again. Part of what happened last time, she finally admitted to cheating on me with her ex...


----------



## MFB

I didnt really care if she was doing it now since my shit aint getting up in there, but she said its been like this for 1.5-2 years, which means MY ASS got played by him too; EVEN though she said he was a straight up ex.


----------



## Joeywilson

Sooo things started going really well with the girl again (she just needed to work some stuff out) and was mega stoked... Until now. It was my birthday on Sunday and she ditched me to go to some folk show. I thought 'whatever, I didn't give her much notice anyways'. I just hung out with my friends and had some beers. I found out this morning that she was actually going to that show with her ex. I'm reaaaallly mad and want some answers, but I'm probably gonna come across like a dick when I see her today. ugh women are the worst thing! Need rock!


----------



## Nile

Joeywilson said:


> Sooo things started going really well with the girl again (she just needed to work some stuff out) and was mega stoked... Until now. It was my birthday on Sunday and she ditched me to go to some folk show. I thought 'whatever, I didn't give her much notice anyways'. I just hung out with my friends and had some beers. I found out this morning that she was actually going to that show with her ex. I'm reaaaallly mad and want some answers, but I'm probably gonna come across like a dick when I see her today. ugh women are the worst thing! Need rock!


 If she went with him because she likes him, be very pissed at her.


----------



## MFB

Well, tomorrow is the big move in day for her, and so help me God if I get a text asking for help. I'm just gonna lie and say "No, I've got plans" and should she even think about sassing me and asking what they are, I'm pulling out the asshole card and not feeling bad about it whatsoever.

It'll be interesting to see how this goes.


----------



## AcousticMinja

*INCOMING WALL OF TEXT*

Oh god, where to start with this. In short, this happened somewhat recently, but not so recent as to be last week.
Okay, this is going to take me a while to type it out, bear with me
I knew this girl. I saw her with opportunities in life and everything. Fall from the highest point I've seen anyone be in life, to rock bottom...and then some. And I loved her.

How do I put this, so many emotions are flying through my mind it's so hard to type.

I'm going to skip the beginning shit:
I got used...used for rides, for other stupid things, and because I was the only one around. 
She would run away from home, and I would drive out there to Huntington at 4 am just to save her from her fucked up Mom. We would literally hide from the cops together just because I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to be okay I wanted to save her. I even had her stay at my house and had to lie to my Mom just so she could.
Then it got out of hand, she started getting into drugs, she started lying behind my back ,screwing other guys and lying about it to me. Sure, we weren't technically together, but she told me she loved me. And I know in my heart I for sure as fuck loved her. 
She started using me for rides...to take her to places just so she could fuck some guy. But she wouldn't tell me. 
Then, it got worse, she started getting more heavily into drugs. She ran away from home again but this time...took her money. her fucking college money that her mom saved up for her. She took it and spent it on some hotel because the girl that she was around all the time manipulated her into doing so. They started snorting coke out of there and brought other friends over. She started talking shit about me and she brought guys that knew me and hated me and fucked them, too. And would lie about it...and I didn't know this at the time, because I was still her stupid taxi driver. Driving her to and from stupid places just so she could get drugs without telling me. Using the excuse of, "oh, I need to go pick up something I left at my friends house!" 
Stupid me, I thought it was the truth. 
She starting losing weight at a horrid speed. She became pale and gross and it was the saddest and sickest thing I've ever seen. I literally cried because of all this. It was hard to see the girl I called my best friend and my lover to become this lying, disgusting, ugly succubus. I was so sickened with it. Then, to make matters worse, after the hotel incident, she started living with her crack whore friend in a park bathroom. Lucky for them, crack whore's Mom let them stay in front of her house in their battered Honda CR-V that was turned into a makeshift campsite. I would pick her up from there to help her go run errands. At this point, I felt sorry for her, and told her I loved her and that I would do everything I could to help. 
I continued to get used, and I don't remember exactly what happened (maybe because I blocked it out) but I got fed up and was sick of being hurt, and I stopped talking to her. 
Something I forgot to mention, in this time frame, we were on and off and each time I would stupidly come back because she would either claim she's sober, she's never going to hurt me again, etc. She would tell me she liked me just so I would fucking drive her around or take her places or help her escape from places. Even though sometimes, I could really tell she appreciated it and she did at some points show emotion towards me. 

After all this happened, she came back. Rather recently I might add...
She told me she got sober, she did all this rehab shit (3 times) her Mom and her are "getting along". I started to talk to her again WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT I WAS.
She started hanging out with me and my friend often and she said the only thing she did was Weed. Okay, I can hang with that. Nothing against it. So, anyway, things are okay for a while...and guess what she tells me? "I think I'm in love with you...but I just don't know how to show it". So, I took that and stupid me, I actually believed it and told her I loved her, too. 
I start having to drive her around again, yet this time, she asks to actually hang out. But then, when we start hanging out, she tells me she has to go "somewhere" and that I have to take her there. So, I do. I wanted to make her smile and be happy. 
One of the days we are hanging out, she's talking to this dude who calls her "babydoll"a nd all this other bullshit. She started getting all "gangsta" like and claims she's hanging out with dudes in LA and stuff. Okay...cool I guess? So apparently, this guy and her have been on and off for a while..but she wouldn't tell me about it obviously. I got pissed off and long story short, I cut things off because I was sick of everything that I was put through.
She came back recently...telling me all this positive things about her life, she has a boyfriend, and she's happy. I didn't take it as her trying to use me, so I replied and told her that I'm proud of her and this and that...then...she starts telling me about her boyfriend who, did all these "amazing" things for her. In the middle of all that, I told her to basically stop. I then proceeded to explode. I don't know why I felt so jealous, but I was so upset. I was on the verge of tears. I said that I did everything in my power for her, to make her happy, and she still fucking rejected me and treated me like I didn't exist, and that I was basically lower than dirt. I just went on and on and on. I did things I'm not proud of just to make her happy. And then mr awesome guy comes out of nowhere swoops her off her feet and she now wants to marry this guy. Sure, why would I want this girl after all she put me through? When things weren't so bad, we were so perfect together. the best of friends and it was like we knew each other our entire lives. We had so much in common, she was so smart and we had conversations for hours. It was everything I could ever want. 
But no, after trying so hard after doing so much after giving all my heart can give, it's not enough for her. It made me feel so worthless, so unattractive, so...ugly inside and out. She then just repeated herself in an angry tone saying that he "saved" her from all this, and that her and him are in love and I should accept that and be her friend.
I gave her everything! I let her stay in my house, I gave her money when I needed it, I took shit from her Mom ,I took blame for her, I helped her run away, I was always there for her, I did EVERYTHING and yet she STILL didn't give a fuck about me or ANYTHING and I loved her so much that I gave my heart and soul for her and ugh.
I told her NO. I slipped into depression afterwards. All I could think about was her and him together, and me and her together. And then to make matters worse, she adds pictures of him and her kissing all over facebook. I blocked her afterwards. 
I wrote a song about her just to cope because I couldn't deal with it. And that still wasn't enough. it still haunts me, and it haunts me tonight. Not just because of her and him, but because of everything I was put through. This is just the compressed version. There's details left out there's so much more and those things are just going through my head and it fucking sucks. I don't know what to do besides play music. Nights like these it just comes back to haunt me. I was an idiot and sent her a message basically just explaining what I already told her...yeah, dumb move. tomorrow I'll get it for sure.

I am always asking myself why in situations like these. Why do I keep going back? It's like I have hope for hoplessness. Why do I keep thinking about it? I texted my friend about it and I don't know, I felt like I should post this here. If any of you guys ever had a situation like this, how did you deal with it...?

EDIT: I'm sorry if this sounded whiny. I just really had to vent this out.


----------



## Varcolac

AcousticMinja said:


> *WALL OF TEXT*
> 
> I am always asking myself why in situations like these. Why do I keep going back? It's like I have hope for hoplessness. Why do I keep thinking about it? I texted my friend about it and I don't know, I felt like I should post this here. If any of you guys ever had a situation like this, how did you deal with it...



I was in a similar situation several years ago. Not quite to the depths of pain that you described, though it felt like it at the time. I'm not going to go into details, suffice to say I know where you're coming from. I got over it with time. Time, experience, and perspective - seeing that she wasn't this perfect creature I'd created, but a real person with her own desires, faults and flaws. Once I accepted that, I found it a lot easier to move onwards. It took quite lot of time, but the lady in question and I are on speaking terms once more, and are both happy in long-term relationships with other people.

I do sometimes think of her naked, but that's because she had a nice arse, not because I'd want to go back. We're different people now. You and the object of your misguided affections are different people now. Don't cling to the past.


----------



## MFB

I realized I can't look at Sasha Grey anymore because of my ex, she had the same kind of sexy eyes. Thanks for ruining one of my favorite girls you fucking bitch


----------



## avenger

Bitch fucks with you, sexor her friends. Smile when they tell you how much of a cunt she is after they just gave your penor a rocking.

Simple as that.


----------



## Winspear

I have no idea what to do.

1.5 year relationship, I'm almost 20 she's 18 some months later.

I'm just back to my second year at university, she's going a year from now.

We've had quite a bit of trouble with university because she misses me so much etc etc..We see eachother for a weekend every month about, outside of holidays. 

I'm not at all dependent on being with her often, whereas she is. I do love her though.

She's perfect, apart from our different life goals that are coming into arguements more often now but never right up front.
She is/will be the absolute typical perfect family woman etc, whole life revolves around having a family, doesn't really care for anything else.

I'm pretty different to that, I'm realising that yes I'm sure I will one day but I can't really see myself in a relationship like this for the next 5-10 years of my life. I have plans, and I kinda want no ties, don't want to be arguing about things like this, will be very very busy and any free time I have I wont want to spend a large amount chilling with a partner etc...(note that none of this refers to wanting to be available for other women or anything like that. I just want to be very busy with stuff that isn't a relationship.)

It's really sad and I feel like an asshole. In reality I know that the best thing to do is end this, but I am in love with her. It would be perfect if she were like me - wanting to have eachother there for eachother, but not wanting to spend much time together (i.e. 1/2 nights a week and like 5 hours outside of that..).
I know it's not fair to ask for that and there's not many people that would want that. It's unfair on her and I don't want to drag her along because she's amazing. She deserves to find someone with whom she can live her perfect life. The problem is, I know we would be perfect together when we're closer to 30 and it's keeping me hanging around. 

She's perfect, totally in love with me and I _know_ nothing would ever go wrong apart from this.
I just want us to be able to call for a little each day or something, and see eachother now and then. I suppose you could think of it like wanting a non-sexually orientated booty call. This makes me feel so bad saying that.

That's all I want right now in my life from this, if anything. It's just such a problem for me because I'm sure I'll never find anyone like her again, if anyone. I'm not great at that and am so lucky to have her. We could be perfect and would be if we stay together. In 10 years when I decide I really want a relationship, I could be kicking myself over this because she's the nicest girl imaginable. Ontop of that, there is of course the standard heartbreak of not wanting to upset someone you do love by leaving them. I don't know if I'd be happy without her in the later part of my life but it's not fair to ruin years of somebody elses life telling the to hang around until later, basically. That would be the ideal for me, but like I said it would require her to be just like me...

EDIT: And like 5 minutes after posting this I wonder what I was thinking. That's how it is.. I've had this on the edge of my mind for quite a while but now it's really gotten there I can't decide what to do. At the moment of writing this edit my thoughts couldn't be further from what I've just posted. Is this normal!?


----------



## Devotion

EtherealEntity said:


> I have no idea what to do.
> 
> 1.5 year relationship, I'm almost 20 she's 18 some months later.
> 
> I'm just back to my second year at university, she's going a year from now.
> 
> We've had quite a bit of trouble with university because she misses me so much etc etc..We see eachother for a weekend every month about, outside of holidays.
> 
> I'm not at all dependent on being with her often, whereas she is. I do love her though.
> 
> She's perfect, apart from our different life goals that are coming into arguements more often now but never right up front.
> She is/will be the absolute typical perfect family woman etc, whole life revolves around having a family, doesn't really care for anything else.
> 
> I'm pretty different to that, I'm realising that yes I'm sure I will one day but I can't really see myself in a relationship like this for the next 5-10 years of my life. I have plans, and I kinda want no ties, don't want to be arguing about things like this, will be very very busy and any free time I have I wont want to spend a large amount chilling with a partner etc...(note that none of this refers to wanting to be available for other women or anything like that. I just want to be very busy with stuff that isn't a relationship.)
> 
> It's really sad and I feel like an asshole. In reality I know that the best thing to do is end this, but I am in love with her. It would be perfect if she were like me - wanting to have eachother there for eachother, but not wanting to spend much time together (i.e. 1/2 nights a week and like 5 hours outside of that..).
> I know it's not fair to ask for that and there's not many people that would want that. It's unfair on her and I don't want to drag her along because she's amazing. She deserves to find someone with whom she can live her perfect life. The problem is, I know we would be perfect together when we're closer to 30 and it's keeping me hanging around.
> 
> She's perfect, totally in love with me and I _know_ nothing would ever go wrong apart from this.
> I just want us to be able to call for a little each day or something, and see eachother now and then. I suppose you could think of it like wanting a non-sexually orientated booty call. This makes me feel so bad saying that.
> 
> That's all I want right now in my life from this, if anything. It's just such a problem for me because I'm sure I'll never find anyone like her again, if anyone. I'm not great at that and am so lucky to have her. We could be perfect and would be if we stay together. In 10 years when I decide I really want a relationship, I could be kicking myself over this because she's the nicest girl imaginable. Ontop of that, there is of course the standard heartbreak of not wanting to upset someone you do love by leaving them. I don't know if I'd be happy without her in the later part of my life but it's not fair to ruin years of somebody elses life telling the to hang around until later, basically. That would be the ideal for me, but like I said it would require her to be just like me...
> 
> EDIT: And like 5 minutes after posting this I wonder what I was thinking. That's how it is.. I've had this on the edge of my mind for quite a while but now it's really gotten there I can't decide what to do. At the moment of writing this edit my thoughts couldn't be further from what I've just posted. Is this normal!?



Maybe there is a way out here. Would she accept it if you told her you just want a relation now, but don't want to promise her forever? Just living by the day kinda? 
Of course, if you know she would take that badly, better not to mention it.


And yes, it's normal. When I broke up with my ex, I was just numb, the guilt had passed, but it never did fully. But afterwards, you know it was the right thing to do, not only for your own sake, but for hers too.


----------



## caskettheclown

avenger said:


> Bitch fucks with you, sexor her friends. Smile when they tell you how much of a cunt she is after they just gave your penor a rocking.
> 
> Simple as that.




Been there. Done that. Except I did her best friend AND her older sister.

Older sister knew how to fuck so very well. I miss it kind of...


----------



## broj15

My girl drives me home when i'm too fucked up (i would do the same for her but she never gets fucked up), likes coming to my bands practices, and legitimately likes deathcore/ death metal (not just because i like it or because "oil sykes and all those other scene vocalists are hawt" but because she actually digs the music) I'm not saying this to make everyone on here jealous, but to let you know that there is a girl out there that will put all the other dumb bitches out of you mind. I hardly ever think about my ex's because she is really that amazing. Sometimes you just have to wait for that one girl to come along. Keep your head up and and stay positive and everything will be fine.


----------



## Nile

broj15 said:


> My girl drives me home when i'm too fucked up (i would do the same for her but she never gets fucked up), likes coming to my bands practices, and legitimately likes deathcore/ death metal (not just because i like it or because "oil sykes and all those other scene vocalists are hawt" but because she actually digs the music) I'm not saying this to make everyone on here jealous, but to let you know that there is a girl out there that will put all the other dumb bitches out of you mind. I hardly ever think about my ex's because she is really that amazing. Sometimes you just have to wait for that one girl to come along. Keep your head up and and stay positive and everything will be fine.


 
But what if the one I had WAS the perfect one? More so that I can't even look at another girl and its been 3 months already?


----------



## Mr Violence

Nile said:


> But what if the one I had WAS the perfect one? More so that I can't even look at another girl and its been 3 months already?



I promise you it won't always be that way. You can hunt me down and beat me to death if I'm wrong.


----------



## Mr Violence

AcousticMinja said:


> *WALL OF TEXT*



The only way to move on from this is to cut ties. It really sucks to do but it's the only way it gets better. You're picking the scab over and over. Fool you once...


----------



## flo

Mr Violence said:


> The only way to move on from this is to cut ties. It really sucks to do but it's the only way it gets better. You're picking the scab over and over. Fool you once...




This.

Oh man, I only can imagine the hell you've gone through. I hate it when good souls like you are getting exploited like this. 

I don't know any good advice but to spend time with friends, cut ties with her and wait. If you really don't see her any more, you'll be fine within a few months, no doubt. It's hard in the beginning and not intuitive, but it works.


----------



## haffner1

I probably come off as a superior sounding asshole saying this, but reading all of this makes me feel so much better about my life. God was good to me. Married for 15 years to a selfless woman who treats me way better than I deserve most of the time. If I have to put up with the fact that she's 40ish now and maybe doesn't take quite as good care of herself as she ought to, it is well worth the price. I can't imagine having to try to build a new relationship at this point and go through all the crap you guys have to deal with. I hope you all eventually reach the light at the end of the tunnel.


----------



## flo

haffner1 said:


> I probably come off as a superior sounding asshole saying this, but reading all of this makes me feel so much better about my life. God was good to me. Married for 15 years to a selfless woman who treats me way better than I deserve most of the time. If I have to put up with the fact that she's 40ish now and maybe doesn't take quite as good care of herself as she ought to, it is well worth the price. I can't imagine having to try to build a new relationship at this point and go through all the crap you guys have to deal with. I hope you all eventually reach the light at the end of the tunnel.




Take good care of her, we might find out where she lives


----------



## USMarine75

haffner1 said:


> I probably come off as a superior sounding asshole saying this, but reading all of this makes me feel so much better about my life. God was good to me. Married for 15 years to a selfless woman who treats me way better than I deserve most of the time. If I have to put up with the fact that she's 40ish now and maybe doesn't take quite as good care of herself as she ought to, it is well worth the price. I can't imagine having to try to build a new relationship at this point and go through all the crap you guys have to deal with. I hope you all eventually reach the light at the end of the tunnel.


 
Same here... this thread is making me feel so old... and I want to slap so many people here and tell them to *calm the F down it all gets so much better. (*I mean seriously WTF people doesn't anyone in this generation f'ing smoke weed anymore? Back in my day "take a chill pill" actually meant something)

I remember having my heart crushed by my "first love" who was also my best friend (beautiful on the inside)... I remember another girl that had the body of a porn star (and knew whow to use it ways that would make her mother cry), and she used me for my friends/friend's weed/and slept with my entire band behind my back. I lost all of my friends because she broke up the band and she had forced me to stop hanging around with all my other (non-pothead) friends. I thought I would never find a girl that beautiful (on the outside) again. I actually became so miserable I withdrew from college.

I let pussy make me miserable... I was always in one miserable long term relationship after another and then heartbroken every time it went south...

But it all gets better. I've been with/married to my girl for over 10+ years... she is over 30 and looks 18... and is a doctor. More importantly, she made me a Hendrix themed guitar/music room for my birthday (purple with tons of posters and flair)... and she's bought me a JEM BRMR and a Flaxwood Rautia!  

She stood by me while I was deployed overseas in Iraq/Afghan/"other" places... she stood by when I was injured... and has been the motivation for me to get back in shape since, finish college, and get a great job. 

(As it turns out, my wife was a cheerleader for our rival team... and we almost went to the same college... so our paths had been circling for years)

I know... cool story bro...

*But, the reason I'm saying this is ... if I could go back and visit high-school-me I would punch him in the dick and say shut the F up and enjoy your teenage years... fuck bitches, have a blast, and don't always be stressing out and looking for Ms Right... that shit will find you! And remember, when you're my age... these will be the stories you're telling... So, do you want to be telling kickass stories about how your band played in Tijuana and opened up for the donkey show? Or do you want to tell everyone how you were a whiny pariah that let bitches stress you out and ruin your "best years"???*

And the best piece of advice I ever got was - _*why would you ever want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you?!* _(the 2nd best was if being straight isn't working out for you, then go bi... it doubles your odds of getting laid)

TLDR... If you're in HS or college and letting girls/guys (don't want to leave anyone out here) fuck with your mind... well, then the terrorists win.


----------



## USMarine75

And whoever tagged "turkish snowcone" and "portuguese breakfast" is my new favorite person(s). Let me know... There's positive rep coming your way!


----------



## Asrial

Damn!
This is quite random, but last saturday, we held an anniversary party for the entire school, 600 students showed up. I drink a couple of beers and chat with some random friends. Suddenly, this girl shows up, we get introduced to eachother. 10 minutes later, and we're partying hard together. I end up getting her phone number, kisses her goodbye and spend the entire sunday chatting with her, doing assignments in english class and make cake.
Now, we pretty much treat eachother like we were a couple, while not actually being one officially.

So far, not sure if really watered down onenight stand or soon-to-be girlfriend. And to be honest, I hope for the latter.
She likes the same stuff as I do, but to the point where we differ in taste within the same field, so that's pretty much covered. Looks; not bad either. She is alittle immature, but it's within both reasonable and fixable borders. (Hot/crazy scale anyone?)


----------



## Ibanezsam4

USMarine75 said:


> Same here... this thread is making me feel so old... and I want to slap so many people here and tell them to *calm the F down it all gets so much better. (*I mean seriously WTF people doesn't anyone in this generation f'ing smoke weed anymore? Back in my day "take a chill pill" actually meant something)
> 
> I remember having my heart crushed by my "first love" who was also my best friend (beautiful on the inside)... I remember another girl that had the body of a porn star (and knew whow to use it ways that would make her mother cry), and she used me for my friends/friend's weed/and slept with my entire band behind my back. I lost all of my friends because she broke up the band and she had forced me to stop hanging around with all my other (non-pothead) friends. I thought I would never find a girl that beautiful (on the outside) again. I actually became so miserable I withdrew from college.
> 
> I let pussy make me miserable... I was always in one miserable long term relationship after another and then heartbroken every time it went south...
> 
> But it all gets better. I've been with/married to my girl for over 10+ years... she is over 30 and looks 18... and is a doctor. More importantly, she made me a Hendrix themed guitar/music room for my birthday (purple with tons of posters and flair)... and she's bought me a JEM BRMR and a Flaxwood Rautia!
> 
> She stood by me while I was deployed overseas in Iraq/Afghan/"other" places... she stood by when I was injured... and has been the motivation for me to get back in shape since, finish college, and get a great job.
> 
> (As it turns out, my wife was a cheerleader for our rival team... and we almost went to the same college... so our paths had been circling for years)
> 
> I know... cool story bro...
> 
> *But, the reason I'm saying this is ... if I could go back and visit high-school-me I would punch him in the dick and say shut the F up and enjoy your teenage years... fuck bitches, have a blast, and don't always be stressing out and looking for Ms Right... that shit will find you! And remember, when you're my age... these will be the stories you're telling... So, do you want to be telling kickass stories about how your band played in Tijuana and opened up for the donkey show? Or do you want to tell everyone how you were a whiny pariah that let bitches stress you out and ruin your "best years"???*
> 
> And the best piece of advice I ever got was - _*why would you ever want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you?!* _(the 2nd best was if being straight isn't working out for you, then go bi... it doubles your odds of getting laid)
> 
> TLDR... If you're in HS or college and letting girls/guys (don't want to leave anyone out here) fuck with your mind... well, then the terrorists win.



this. totally this. 

i let my ex drag me down for a year and a half after we broke up. after a while i started having fun, made a few friends, gained a few new hobbies, had a one night stand with a girl i had a crush on for 4 years. and then a little while later, i met the best lady that has ever happened to me. 1 year later and it only feels like a month or two has gone by. stop being miserable, start having fun and doing new things, it gives you confidence and gives you new things to talk about


----------



## MFB

I do believe I am going crazy by dreams of girls, and there is nothing I can do to stop it  And not even women I've gone out with, but one I should have and an old friend that I occasionally see (we work across the street from each other), with last night being one of the nights I saw her. What the fuck.


----------



## flo

MFB said:


> I do believe I am going crazy by dreams of girls, and there is nothing I can do to stop it  And not even women I've gone out with, but one I should have and an old friend that I occasionally see (we work across the street from each other), with last night being one of the nights I saw her. What the fuck.




So? Date her! What's the worst thing to happen? she could say no, so no big deal.

Damn, I know what I should do tomorrow.


----------



## MFB

That's the thing is, I see her every now and then and in high school, we talked (as just friends) so it's not like there's bad blood or anything; but now that that dream happened I'm just like...confused. Because, I have literally NEVER thought of it before, and I assume it's because she happened to come into my work only a few hours before that, so it was just in my sub-conscious. If I talked to her more, and ran into her/saw her at school it wouldn't be that big of a deal, but this was someone who was really out of left field.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Stole part of USMarine's post for a fb update, man knows what's up.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Holy shit, being back at University is awesome!

That is all.


----------



## Mr Violence

So maybe this isn't the right place for this but I need support. Badly.

Met a girl. She's super christian, I'm super not. We still really like each other. Hang out all the time, whatever.

We kinda hooked up. During she told me she wasn't on BC so we stopped. Nothing happened. She's now 1 week late on her period.


Needless to say, I'm scared out of my fucking mind, especially because she's terribly pro-life.

Not sure what this is accomplishing posting this, but I am freaking out. Feels bad man.


----------



## USMarine75

Mr Violence said:


> We kinda hooked up. During she told me she wasn't on BC so we stopped. Nothing happened. She's now 1 week late on her period.


 
The doctor is in...

When you say "during" and "stopped", I'm assuming there was penetration? Were condoms/spermicide/etc involved?

Do you know her well enough to ask how regular her period is? (not exactly the easiest conversation to have) Things like stress and sexual activity can change/offset her cycle due to hormonal changes.

Most importantly, chillax... one week is not enough to worry. Plus, not to sound insensitive, but... I've known some terribly dumb bitches that forget/have trouble calculating when they should get their next period... 

Lastly, back to my first point... were you wearing a condom? If not, then quit that shit... herpegonosyphillaids is the gift that keeps on giving... no pussy is worth an STD and they make condoms that are so thin that you forget it's there... plus they make them with speedbumps... I used one on the wife the other day that made my dick look like a wingchun dummy... the wife loved it... hell, I'm married I don't have to wear one but sometimes I do just so I can pretend she's some filthy whore I'm banging... I think I derailed back there somewhere but you get my point...


----------



## Mr Violence

Yes, there was penetration but we were both drunk and it was a stupid decision. I also thought she was on BC. I stopped when she told me she wasn't.

I usually am way more responsible. Her period is either regular or early. This time it's late.


I'm just going to buy a test tonight.


----------



## murakami

Mr Violence said:


> So maybe this isn't the right place for this but I need support. Badly.
> 
> Met a girl. She's super christian, I'm super not. We still really like each other. Hang out all the time, whatever.
> 
> We kinda hooked up. During she told me she wasn't on BC so we stopped. Nothing happened. She's now 1 week late on her period.
> 
> 
> Needless to say, I'm scared out of my fucking mind, especially because she's terribly pro-life.
> 
> Not sure what this is accomplishing posting this, but I am freaking out. Feels bad man.


 
not to be an ass... but she sounds SOOOOO not christian to me.
you better find out if she had any guys a couple days before you. she may be jerking you and you may be left with the ball and chain.


----------



## Mr Violence

murakami said:


> not to be an ass... but she sounds SOOOOO not christian to me.
> you better find out if she had any guys a couple days before you. she may be jerking you and you may be left with the ball and chain.



No offense taken, my friend. What a horrifying thought...and I didn't even consider that...


----------



## USMarine75

Mr Violence said:


> I'm just going to buy a test tonight.


 
How long ago did you hook up? I'm just wondering if you were within her estimated ovulation/conception window anyways... good call with the test, but keep in mind false negatives/operator error/retest/etc...


----------



## USMarine75

murakami said:


> she may be jerking you...


 
intentional?


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Mr Violence said:


> We kinda hooked up. During she told me she wasn't on BC so we stopped. Nothing happened. She's now 1 week late on her period.


 
How old are the two of you? I hate to say it, but it isn't unheard of for young ladies to make that shit up to try to reel a guy in. Hell, my cousin tried to pull that shit on someone when she was _fourteen_.


----------



## Mr Violence

USMarine75 said:


> How long ago did you hook up? I'm just wondering if you were within her estimated ovulation/conception window anyways... good call with the test, but keep in mind false negatives/operator error/retest/etc...



Two weeks ago and she was due 1 week ago. So yep.


----------



## Mr Violence

Grand Moff Tim said:


> How old are the two of you? I hate to say it, but it isn't unheard of for young ladies to make that shit up to try to reel a guy in. Hell, my cousin tried to pull that shit on someone when she was _fourteen_.



I'm 25, she's 21.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Mr Violence said:


> Met a girl. She's super christian, I'm super not. We still really like each other. Hang out all the time, whatever.


 
Also, just throwing this out there, but _run away_. Run away _now_. That shit will *not* work out. It doesn't matter how cool you are with it, or how cool she _says_ she is with it, somewhere down the road it _will_ become an issue. Get out while the gettin's good.


----------



## USMarine75

Mr Violence said:


> Two weeks ago and she was due 1 week ago. So yep.


 
Have you thought about moving to Scandinavia? It would probably help your musical career... just a thought.


----------



## Mr Violence

Haha this conversation has officially made me 10 times worse off than I was before I posted.


----------



## murakami

Mr Violence said:


> No offense taken, my friend. What a horrifying thought...and I didn't even consider that...


 
this is a mature conversation so please dont think i am trying to be immature because i am serious when i ask; did you ejaculate in her, or were going to while still inside? 

pre-cum or whatever? you said you stopped, right? just keep
in mind that it IS EASIER for younger girls to get pregnant, but thats
only if you are totally irresponsible.


----------



## Mr Violence

murakami said:


> this is a mature conversation so please dont think i am trying to be immature because i am serious when i ask; did you ejaculate in her, or were going to while still inside?
> 
> pre-cum or whatever? you said you stopped, right? just keep
> in mind that it IS EASIER for younger girls to get pregnant, but thats
> only if you are totally irresponsible.



No. Wasn't even close. Not even remotely.


----------



## USMarine75

Mr Violence said:


> Haha this conversation has officially made me 10 times worse off than I was before I posted.


 
You're from NY, I'm from Boston... did you really think I would offer you _good_ advice?


----------



## Mr Violence

USMarine75 said:


> You're from NY, I'm from Boston... did you really think I would offer you _good_ advice?



FWIW, I hate the Yankees.


----------



## murakami

Mr Violence said:


> No. Wasn't even close. Not even remotely.


 
the brain has fully develop when turning 24, so i am guessing your senses(especially your own intuition) can tell you when somethings not right. does she seem like a good person? one thing to consider though is being in a loving relationship actually makes it easier for the female to get pregnant; a proven scientific fact. if this is just fucking around, and you didn't cum; i think it's nothing.

it's your call but it seems like you're getting snagged here...
other things you should ask are is if she has back pain. is she more
moody? does she pee in the morning more? morning sickness is something that happens after 8 weeks i think. how many weeks total since her last period?

shit, women almost have to bring their fucking problems on men, eh? haha


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Mr Violence said:


> No. Wasn't even close. Not even remotely.


 
So... what's the problem? She's either late or lying. If she _is_ pregnant, get a paternity test when that becomes an option.


----------



## murakami

Grand Moff Tim said:


> So... what's the problem? She's either late or lying. If she _is_ pregnant, get a paternity test when that becomes an option.


 
dude, unless you go on that maury polvich(whatever the fuck his last name is) show, a paternity test is crazy amounts of money... i've heard


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

I think I'll put forth a question here, since I'm bored enough.

I'm 30 and have been single since 2004. My last few relationships ended rather poorly, and left me almost uncontrollably jaded. It's been forever since I've had a GF, it seems like I won't be getting another one any time soon, and I. Just. Don't. Give. A. Shit.

Is that normal? _Should_ I care that I'm single? Should I have _some_ twinge of regret or urgency, and a drive to "fix" the situation, if it indeed even needs fixing? Am I genuinely apathetic, or just complacent? Like my singleness has given me some strange version of Stockholm Syndrome?

Iono. Just thinking out loud.

via the internet, for some reason...


----------



## Mr Violence

Grand Moff Tim said:


> I think I'll put forth a question here, since I'm bored enough.
> 
> I'm 30 and have been single since 2004. My last few relationships ended rather poorly, and left me almost uncontrollably jaded. It's been forever since I've had a GF, it seems like I won't be getting another one any time soon, and I. Just. Don't. Give. A. Shit.
> 
> Is that normal? _Should_ I care that I'm single? Should I have _some_ twinge of regret or urgency, and a drive to "fix" the situation, if it indeed even needs fixing? Am I genuinely apathetic, or just complacent? Like my singleness has given me some strange version of Stockholm Syndrome?
> 
> Iono. Just thinking out loud.
> 
> via the internet, for some reason...



It's hard to say. Are you happy without or just exist without?


----------



## flo

Grand Moff Tim said:


> I think I'll put forth a question here, since I'm bored enough.
> 
> I'm 30 and have been single since 2004. My last few relationships ended rather poorly, and left me almost uncontrollably jaded. It's been forever since I've had a GF, it seems like I won't be getting another one any time soon, and I. Just. Don't. Give. A. Shit.
> 
> Is that normal? _Should_ I care that I'm single? Should I have _some_ twinge of regret or urgency, and a drive to "fix" the situation, if it indeed even needs fixing? Am I genuinely apathetic, or just complacent? Like my singleness has given me some strange version of Stockholm Syndrome?
> 
> Iono. Just thinking out loud.
> 
> via the internet, for some reason...




Mmm, my relationship ended 7 months ago, and five weeks ago I've come to the point where I haven't only moved on, but felt that I was genuinely happy with my live. Sort of the way when I was a little child. Just happy, for no specific reason. I realized that I don't depend on having a girlfriend for being happy. I just am. 

Of cause I'd like to have a girlfriend or even a wife someday, but I really don't care if that will be in a week or in ten years. I don't feel like I'm in a hurry. 

I'm 24, some of my mates think of girls and sex as of some kind of competition, but I don't. It's not about how many women you've slept with. 

So Tim, if you're happy with your singleness, just be 
Maybe it'll change in a few years, maybe you'll meet your future wife tomorrow, or you'll stay single for the rest of your life and love it, who knows


----------



## renzoip

Grand Moff Tim said:


> I think I'll put forth a question here, since I'm bored enough.
> 
> I'm 30 and have been single since 2004. My last few relationships ended rather poorly, and left me almost uncontrollably jaded. It's been forever since I've had a GF, it seems like I won't be getting another one any time soon, and I. Just. Don't. Give. A. Shit.
> 
> Is that normal? _Should_ I care that I'm single? Should I have _some_ twinge of regret or urgency, and a drive to "fix" the situation, if it indeed even needs fixing? Am I genuinely apathetic, or just complacent? Like my singleness has given me some strange version of Stockholm Syndrome?
> 
> Iono. Just thinking out loud.
> 
> via the internet, for some reason...



I think it normal. In fact, if you are happy being single, it not just normal, but overall good. After ending my last relationship (poorly as well), I was very unhappy with being single, I was anxious to get with someone. The more I cared, the more difficult social life became, and the more frustrated I got. One day I started not giving a fuck and putting more dedication into productive activities (music/school/exercising), and spending more time with the people that truly mattered to me instead of trying to go out there and find someone special. 

Thing really turned themselves around, and I am happy being single now, I see all the BS gf/bf drama my friends have to put up with and I'm glad I don't ever have to worry anything like that. In fact, I've been meeting some nice girls and now I'm the one who is not interested in relationships, lol. So I say more power to you if you feel content being single. Don't worry about gfs, they will come when you least expect it.


----------



## USMarine75

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Is that normal? _Should_ I care that I'm single?


 
I agree with Mr V... forget _normal_... normal is overrated... are you *happy*?

Put your resources and energy into things that you enjoy... if you're not ready for a relationship then you shouldn't be in one... it wouldn't be healthy for either of you.


----------



## Mr Violence

Update for you guys:

We had a nice little discussion last night about what to do if she is pregnant. As soon as I mentioned "considering all the options", I am a demon-spawn from hell. I'm a monster for even considering abortion.

The next hour was spent berating me as a potential murderer. Oh, and she said she's not taking a pregnancy test. Then stormed out.

Feels GREAT man. I got myself caught up in some SHIT this time.


----------



## Winspear

^ God damn, I can't believe some women are actually like that 

If abortion really isn't an option, how about adoption? I don't know about the US but over here you can basically arrange to give the baby away minutes after birth and pretend it never happened as far as I know.

Unless she actually _wants_ to keep it


----------



## Mr Violence

I was just trying to talk about it like an adult. Just logically, what are the options and what would be best. And she freaked.

She is so adamant in her beliefs. Tim was right. I should have bailed a long time ago. We are not of the same mind.


----------



## USMarine75

^ bitches, what are ya gonna do? Can't live with them, and sheep can't cook.


----------



## Mr Violence

Everyone cross your fingers, pray, sacrifice to Gods, do whatever you can that it's just a false alarm. And sorry for blowing up this thread with this haha.

Ss.org is a wonderful support system.


----------



## murakami

adament in her beliefs? bitch is a fucking hyprocrite! doesn't christianity celebrate celebacy? tell her to fuck off, and deny the shit and get a paternity test(save up for it, because it's a pretty dime)... keep in mind this moody nature is
a sign of pregnancy... i am not trying to scare you, but just try to prepare yourself.


----------



## murakami

EtherealEntity said:


> ^ God damn, I can't believe some women are actually like that
> 
> If abortion really isn't an option, how about adoption? I don't know about the US but over here you can basically arrange to give the baby away minutes after birth and pretend it never happened as far as I know.
> 
> Unless she actually _wants_ to keep it


 
even if she wants to keep the baby, shes not ready for it. sounds like a little diva bitch.


----------



## USMarine75

> Everyone cross your fingers, pray, sacrifice to Gods, do whatever you can that it's just a false alarm. And sorry for blowing up this thread with this haha.


 

If only you had a creative way of expressing yourself during these tough times...


----------



## flo

Mr Violence said:


> Everyone cross your fingers, pray, sacrifice to Gods, do whatever you can that it's just a false alarm. And sorry for blowing up this thread with this haha.
> 
> Ss.org is a wonderful support system.



Oh I really hope it is a false alarm!! Fingers ar3 croswsed but it's hard to type like this.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Mr Violence said:


> It's hard to say. Are you happy without or just exist without?


 
More the latter. I'm not happy, but I'm also not _un_happy. I think my level of satisfaction with my life hinges on far more than whether or not I'm seeing anyone, it just kinda feels weird that it's become such a low priority.


----------



## stevo1

murakami said:


> adament in her beliefs? bitch is a fucking hyprocrite! doesn't christianity celebrate celebacy? tell her to fuck off, and deny the shit and get a paternity test(save up for it, because it's a pretty dime)... keep in mind this moody nature is
> a sign of pregnancy... i am not trying to scare you, but just try to prepare yourself.



this is what I was thinking. She can't be all that super christian if she was willing to go all the way. I mean accidents do happen, but it sounded like she didnt even try to stop it or anything, but you did. ] Even if it is yours' (which I doubt, as periods can run late, and the thought of having a baby, which she isnt ready for, is probably stressing her out more, which equals more delay.) your not married to her, so you technically have no obligation to the child, without a higher authority's influence. She may be pregnant, but that doenst mean you HAVE to take care of the child.


----------



## USMarine75

You should have F'd her in the A. 

You could have prevented your current dilemma and punished her at the same time. 

Win-win.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Mr Violence said:


> Oh, and she said she's not taking a pregnancy test.


 






And there you have it, as far as I'm concerned. She's full of shit.


----------



## MFB

Mr. V, tell it to her like this :

Take the pregnancy test, and until she does, you're claiming zero liability for it as you have no knowledge of what (or perhaps whom) she has done prior to your encounter. There's absolutely zero reason to NOT take the test, unless in fact she IS lying in which case she'll come out looking like a manipulative cunt either way. (Oh hey my Mac says "cunt" isn't a word? Interesting.) As well as the fact to point out that if she really was so "STRONG in her convictions" she wouldn't have had a college hook-up and would have instead served what she was packin' till marriage with "Mr. Right" (guess in this case she got Mr. Violence [I'm sorry for the bad joke]).

Women man, you can't live with, can't shoot em either


----------



## Nile

MFB said:


> Mr. V, tell it to her like this :
> 
> Take the pregnancy test, and until she does, you're claiming zero liability for it as you have no knowledge of what (or perhaps whom) she has done prior to your encounter. There's absolutely zero reason to NOT take the test, unless in fact she IS lying in which case she'll come out looking like a manipulative cunt either way. (Oh hey my Mac says "cunt" isn't a word? Interesting.) As well as the fact to point out that if she really was so "STRONG in her convictions" she wouldn't have had a college hook-up and would have instead served what she was packin' till marriage with "Mr. Right" (guess in this case she got Mr. Violence [I'm sorry for the bad joke]).
> 
> Women man, you can't live with, can't shoot em either


 
Bitch be lieing, tell it to her face. Get your point through.


----------



## Mr Violence

Update: No issues. Was just late. Bleeding like a stuck pig today. According to my doctor friends, it's completely normal if you haven't boned in a while.

She apologized for the behavior and judgmental bullshit. I told her straight up that shit's unacceptable and immature.

Thus closes another chapter. Thanks Team SS.org for supporting me through this little anxiety-ridden escapade.


----------



## murakami

please don't stick your penis into anything else until you know it's not going to bring you a headache, yeah? 

trust me bro, all that headache and stress is just not worth the one time fun.


----------



## Mr Violence

murakami said:


> please don't stick your penis into anything else until you know it's not going to bring you a headache, yeah?
> 
> trust me bro, all that headache and stress is just not worth the one time fun.



It goes without saying, my friend.


----------



## UnderTheSign

And next time, use a goddamn rubber... Don't know 'bout the USA but over here almost all guys ALWAYS have one in their wallet.


----------



## Murmel

UnderTheSign said:


> And next time, use a goddamn rubber... Don't know 'bout the USA but over here almost all guys ALWAYS have one in their wallet.



You live in the Netherlands.. Do I need to say more?


----------



## SilenceIsACrime

Hey guys - so I have never posted in here before but I am really going through some shit that I would love some advice on.

Gonna provide a bit of a back-story and hope it doesn't take a ton of room: so, over the Summer, my girlfriend of nearly two years acted in the Shakespeare play Twelfth Night. She played one of the lead roles and as such her character falls in love with one of the other characters. Only problem was, the person playing her love interest ACTUALLY fell in love with her. As you can imagine, this lead to more than a few complications. My girlfriend said that, even though she didn't have feelings for him, this really confused her and it was after this that our relationship started to fall apart (here are my thoughts on why this was: she was living out a Shakespeare romance on stage and suddenly, despite our relationship being pretty much as great as can be, she had the option of receiving this "romance" in real life. Feel free to tell me if I am way off base on that one....).

Many sordid-details-in-this-story-that-I-am-omitting later, this lead to us deciding to take a break from our relationship for awhile. She said she wasn't sure who she was without me and this frightened her; she wanted to be able to experience life on her own with no ties. Seeing as she is 19 and going to school in New York (while I am back in our hometown Reno, NV), this is understandable. Her original plan was actually to just have us break up and be done with it, but I really care about her and told her I wasn't letting her go without at least a chance of us getting back together. We agreed that after so many months of her being gone that we would go on a date and see where it goes from there.

So here's the part where I ask for some insight - this is fucking _ruining_ me. I am not nearly as outgoing as I once was and I don't even want to play music anymore (I am sure you all can understand the gravity of this statement). I thought this is what I wanted but I have been on a downward spiral ever since she left and it makes me hurt so absurdly much knowing she is so far away and could be doing god knows what. And of course, since I am hurt I am instinctively angry about what she is putting me through and it makes me wonder if any of this is worth it and if I should just end it entirely. I feel like that if I am still hurting it means I still have strong feelings for her and should ride it out, but on the other side I am not sure if I want to be with someone who could put me through this.... Augh!

TL;DR - Is a "break" really worth it or should I just end this now before I feel any shittier?


----------



## murakami

SilenceIsACrime said:


> Hey guys - so I have never posted in here before but I am really going through some shit that I would love some advice on.
> 
> Gonna provide a bit of a back-story and hope it doesn't take a ton of room: so, over the Summer, my girlfriend of nearly two years acted in the Shakespeare play Twelfth Night. She played one of the lead roles and as such her character falls in love with one of the other characters. Only problem was, the person playing her love interest ACTUALLY fell in love with her. As you can imagine, this lead to more than a few complications. My girlfriend said that, even though she didn't have feelings for him, this really confused her and it was after this that our relationship started to fall apart (here are my thoughts on why this was: she was living out a Shakespeare romance on stage and suddenly, despite our relationship being pretty much as great as can be, she had the option of receiving this "romance" in real life. Feel free to tell me if I am way off base on that one....).
> 
> Many sordid-details-in-this-story-that-I-am-omitting later, this lead to us deciding to take a break from our relationship for awhile. She said she wasn't sure who she was without me and this frightened her; she wanted to be able to experience life on her own with no ties. Seeing as she is 19 and going to school in New York (while I am back in our hometown Reno, NV), this is understandable. Her original plan was actually to just have us break up and be done with it, but I really care about her and told her I wasn't letting her go without at least a chance of us getting back together. We agreed that after so many months of her being gone that we would go on a date and see where it goes from there.
> 
> So here's the part where I ask for some insight - this is fucking _ruining_ me. I am not nearly as outgoing as I once was and I don't even want to play music anymore (I am sure you all can understand the gravity of this statement). I thought this is what I wanted but I have been on a downward spiral ever since she left and it makes me hurt so absurdly much knowing she is so far away and could be doing god knows what. And of course, since I am hurt I am instinctively angry about what she is putting me through and it makes me wonder if any of this is worth it and if I should just end it entirely. I feel like that if I am still hurting it means I still have strong feelings for her and should ride it out, but on the other side I am not sure if I want to be with someone who could put me through this.... Augh!
> 
> TL;DR - Is a "break" really worth it or should I just end this now before I feel any shittier?


 

i think you should end it now... i feel for you, man. though i never had this situation happen to me, i've can simply imagine it as heartbreaking. its not worth your struggle to endure this if she doesn't understand. this is about you, and whether you want this kind of stress or not, not about what she wants. deep down, we can always love our significant over, but we have to draw a line of how much punishment, stress and pain we are willingly to take.

two years is long, just be greatful its not 3 or 4.


----------



## Cheesebuiscut

As far as I've ever been concerned there is no such thing as a break, just break ups. 

A break is like trying to have your cake and eat it too, and its total bullshit that is always there to satisfy one person and keep their sense of security while the other suffers greatly through it because they didn't want it in the first place but they're too busy trying to hold on to something that is probably already lost. 

Personally I would have just called it what it is, a break up, and then if you both felt life not worth living without one another down the road it would become apparent and you would let each other know and if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out.

The biggest issue right now is your going through the withdrawl period and it sucks. As far as I've experienced it never really goes away either you just learn to live with it and keep on truckin'. I don't imagine if you both agree to actually end it that its going to be any easier on you in your current situation because you're still going to have to live with the fact, but at least you wont be lying to yourself for months on end saying *oh I just have to get through these few months and then everything will be great again!* when it very well might be over and you just don't know it yet. Then again it could go back to what it was in so many months so who knows. 


What I found over time is my advice is always overly critical and sterile and as we all know emotions are never so simple. Trying to use reason to deal with women (the most unreasonable creature in existence) is pretty unreasonable, so personally I would just really think it out based on my own person / morals / beliefs and go with my gut. That way regardless of what happens I have no regrets because I didn't keep true to myself and let others make my decisions for me.


----------



## SilenceIsACrime

murakami said:


> deep down, we can always love our significant over, but we have to draw a line of how much punishment, stress and pain we are willingly to take.


 
Damn, that is pretty much exactly how I need to approach this.... Thanks man


----------



## SilenceIsACrime

Cheesebuiscut said:


> The biggest issue right now is your going through the withdrawl period and it sucks. As far as I've experienced it never really goes away either you just learn to live with it and keep on truckin'. I don't imagine if you both agree to actually end it that its going to be any easier on you in your current situation because you're still going to have to live with the fact, but at least you wont be lying to yourself for months on end saying *oh I just have to get through these few months and then everything will be great again!* when it very well might be over and you just don't know it yet. Then again it could go back to what it was in so many months so who knows.


 
This is definitely where I am at methinks. I think since when we originally left our relationship on this "positive note" it never sunk in that things were ended and now the reality of it is creeping in....


----------



## murakami

SilenceIsACrime said:


> Damn, that is pretty much exactly how I need to approach this.... Thanks man


 
no problem, man. it's hard and we've been there when shit falls apart. it's tough, but we get through it eventually.


----------



## murakami

i just read your whole post(i apologize but i only read the first one)... i have to say that was pretty fucking infuriating that she is doing that. this is how i see it; her: i am going somewhere away from you because of my situation, and i wont have my boyfriend around. i am an immature little girl with big dreams but i need my boyfriend around so if he isn't here then i am going to make a new one. as horrible as that sounds, thats how i see her. 

i don't want to make you feel negative anymore than you already are and i sincerely apologize... but you don't need this kind of immature shit around. i also don't want to offend you by saying horrible things about her, but you sometimes you need friends to tell you that you're with a chick who is an upright bitch.

stay angry and use that as a force to play your music. thats one benefit you can gather from this. sadness will make you not want to play(anger is basically loud sadness from what i experienced).


----------



## Mr Violence

Bro, just what he said. This happens a lot when people go to college. You guys still like each other but she wants to experience life without ties.

Problem is, there is no possible way to do this on a "break". Breaks are exactly what was said. A way to have your cake and eat it too.

It's absolutely gut-wrenching to know that you're still connected somehow but she just might be boning someone elsewhere. It's a very blunt way of putting it, but that's what will kill you.

Ties need to be severed completely or she needs to commit to the relationship. Anything else is a recipe for heartache, my friend. If it's any consolation, I've gone through this, and once you recover, it gets much, much better.


----------



## SilenceIsACrime

Mr Violence said:


> Bro, just what he said. This happens a lot when people go to college. You guys still like each other but she wants to experience life without ties.
> 
> Problem is, there is no possible way to do this on a "break". Breaks are exactly what was said. A way to have your cake and eat it too.
> 
> It's absolutely gut-wrenching to know that you're still connected somehow but she just might be boning someone elsewhere. It's a very blunt way of putting it, but that's what will kill you.
> 
> Ties need to be severed completely or she needs to commit to the relationship. Anything else is a recipe for heartache, my friend. If it's any consolation, I've gone through this, and once you recover, it gets much, much better.


 
Yeah, that all makes a lot of sense (and yes, what you mentioned is definitely what is killing me ).

Ugh, I should have just let things end when the original talk was had as opposed to just prolonging things. It seemed like such a good idea at the time. Fuck. Looks like I need to grow a pair and take care of this.... Not exactly my forte.

P.S. - E-hug back at ya! Hehe.


----------



## highlordmugfug

SilenceIsACrime said:


> So here's the part where I ask for some insight - this is fucking _ruining_ me. I am not nearly as outgoing as I once was and I don't even want to play music anymore (I am sure you all can understand the gravity of this statement). I thought this is what I wanted but I have been on a downward spiral ever since she left and it makes me hurt so absurdly much knowing she is so far away and could be doing god knows what. And of course, since I am hurt I am instinctively angry about what she is putting me through and it makes me wonder if any of this is worth it and if I should just end it entirely. I feel like that if I am still hurting it means I still have strong feelings for her and should ride it out, but on the other side I am not sure if I want to be with someone who could put me through this.... Augh!
> 
> TL;DR - Is a "break" really worth it or should I just end this now before I feel any shittier?





Mr Violence said:


> Bro, just what he said. This happens a lot when people go to college. You guys still like each other but she wants to experience life without ties.
> 
> Problem is, there is no possible way to do this on a "break". Breaks are exactly what was said. A way to have your cake and eat it too.
> 
> It's absolutely gut-wrenching to know that you're still connected somehow but she just might be boning someone elsewhere. It's a very blunt way of putting it, but that's what will kill you.
> 
> Ties need to be severed completely or she needs to commit to the relationship. Anything else is a recipe for heartache, my friend. If it's any consolation, I've gone through this, and once you recover, it gets much, much better.


This.


SilenceIsACrime said:


> Yeah, that all makes a lot of sense (and yes, what you mentioned is definitely what is killing me ).
> 
> Ugh, I should have just let things end when the original talk was had as opposed to just prolonging things. It seemed like such a good idea at the time. Fuck. Looks like I need to grow a pair and take care of this.... Not exactly my forte.
> 
> P.S. - E-hug back at ya! Hehe.


Yeah, I just went through a situation sort of like this, and it's fucking gutwrenching when these things do finally end. I'm still sort of working my way through the tail end of it, but it's best to cut it off and (slowly, don't slam into another relationship or anything) move on with YOUR life.


----------



## SilenceIsACrime

highlordmugfug said:


> Yeah, I just went through a situation sort of like this, and it's fucking gutwrenching when these things do finally end. I'm still sort of working my way through the tail end of it, but it's best to cut it off and (slowly, don't slam into another relationship or anything) move on with YOUR life.


 
Thanks man  Yeah, certainly wouldn't rush to be with another lady _anytime_ soon. The last time I had a breakup I was single for about a year and a half and I didn't even give a shit about the other girl by the end of that relationship. This is gonna take me a long, long while, but I am happy to have SS.org to keep me sane during it all


----------



## murakami

highlordmugfug said:


> This.
> 
> Yeah, I just went through a situation sort of like this, and it's fucking gutwrenching when these things do finally end. I'm still sort of working my way through the tail end of it, but it's best to cut it off and (slowly, don't slam into another relationship or anything) move on with YOUR life.


 

in all honesty, i think most women would dump you for your attitude.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

murakami said:


> in all honesty, i think most women would dump you for your attitude.



Why?


----------



## caskettheclown

This thread is one reason people come back to this site I think. We come for the guitars and amps and gear talk but stay because we are all good people (generally speaking) and will help each other with problems.

You guys have helped me through a lot and I thank you all


----------



## Mr Violence

SilenceIsACrime said:


> Thanks man  Yeah, certainly wouldn't rush to be with another lady _anytime_ soon. The last time I had a breakup I was single for about a year and a half and I didn't even give a shit about the other girl by the end of that relationship. This is gonna take me a long, long while, but I am happy to have SS.org to keep me sane during it all



Just remember man, your guitar will never break your heart. 



murakami said:


> in all honesty, i think most women would dump you for your attitude.



Yeah, why?


----------



## USMarine75

SilenceIsACrime said:


> TL;DR - Is a "break" really worth it or should I just end this now before I feel any shittier?


 
Just my advice from someone who is older... I went through a similar situation when I went to college... I was in MA and my girl went to MD. I offered to end things because I was a year ahead of her and had a feeling that an 18 year old girl would want to experience college/life and everything it has to offer, rather than be tied down to her bf that was 300 miles away and that she would only see every couple of months at best. She begged me for us to stay together, so we did... and it took all of a week for her to break it off once she got down there. 

Unfortunately, when we're in our teens and 20's, convenience plays a big part in relationships. It's not about who is Mr Perfect, who would make a good father, who is a good soul mate... sometimes it's just about who can I chill with tonight and that's good enough for now...

So, my advice is... be the "bigger" man... part ways as friends... and maybe sometime down the road you run into eachother again and things rekindle. If you pull the pin on the grenade now, you ruin any chance of a reunion down the road. And trust me when I say this... girl's mostly hate needy guys (some are into that)... years from now when she's more mature she might think about you and what might have been, as opposed to how you were a giant douche when you broke up... and again this will benefit you in the future if your paths meet again.

TLDR - never burn a bridge... especially a bridge you can have sex with.


----------



## Mr Violence

USMarine75 said:


> TLDR - never burn a bridge... especially a bridge you can have sex with.





Too true. I didn't mean to be an asshole. But do call it a break up and wish her the best.


----------



## SilenceIsACrime

Welp, I did it. It SUCKED, but I did it. Just told her that the way things were going were tearing me up and that it was best that we completely detached. I don't think it will be forever, but certainly for a long while....

Honestly, I already feel LOADS better; just like a huge weight has been lifted. Hopefully I can stay positive about it for at least a little while before I crash again.... Haha. Thanks again you's guys


----------



## Mr Violence

SilenceIsACrime said:


> Welp, I did it. It SUCKED, but I did it. Just told her that the way things were going were tearing me up and that it was best that we completely detached. I don't think it will be forever, but certainly for a long while....
> 
> Honestly, I already feel LOADS better; just like a huge weight has been lifted. Hopefully I can stay positive about it for at least a little while before I crash again.... Haha. Thanks again you's guys



Good job, man. It is going to suck for a little bit. Write some music. The best stuff comes out in times like these.

Good luck. Soon, you'll realize that the only person you need to be happy is you. Other people are just a bonus.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Don't worry about it, man. Sometimes you just have to put things into perspective and do the right thing even if it's not entirely what you _want_ to do. It becomes way easier when you're able to think logically about matters of the heart.

I had to break up with my last girlfriend even though we still loved each other. We talked about it like adults and parted ways friends, which was a huge relief, considering we were very good friends for 5 years before we ever actually made anything official, so losing her completely would have been worse than anything. We still hold each other in high esteem, and not to mention, there's a ridiculous amount of sexual tension between us (more than a few of our friends have noticed ), so when we do see each other these days, it's always awesome! I guess we're just lucky that we can still have that sort of relationship, but stay level-headed enough to understand that we can't really be "together".


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

SilenceIsACrime said:


> Welp, I did it. It SUCKED, but I did it. Just told her that the way things were going were tearing me up and that it was best that we completely detached. I don't think it will be forever, but certainly for a long while....
> 
> Honestly, I already feel LOADS better; just like a huge weight has been lifted. Hopefully I can stay positive about it for at least a little while before I crash again.... Haha. Thanks again you's guys


 
The next step: Date somebody skinnier than her. Doesn't matter if she was skinny, find somebody skinnier.

Petty? Yes. 
Vindictive? Yes.
_Hilarious?_* Yes*.

This advice courtesy of my Grandma, may she rest in peace.


----------



## USMarine75

We're solving probs left and right over here on ss.org... next?


----------



## murakami

SilenceIsACrime said:


> Welp, I did it. It SUCKED, but I did it. Just told her that the way things were going were tearing me up and that it was best that we completely detached. I don't think it will be forever, but certainly for a long while....
> 
> Honestly, I already feel LOADS better; just like a huge weight has been lifted. Hopefully I can stay positive about it for at least a little while before I crash again.... Haha. Thanks again you's guys


 

thats awesome to hear, dude 

though i am no position to give you further advice, i think you should just stay away. as mature as you are in your age, she still is not. who knows if this kind of attitude of hers will stick with her throughout her entire life... and also keep in mind that she might stick with doing theatre... that means possible problems again in the future if she has a role to kiss another guy. 

once there, you don't want to be back there again.


----------



## SilenceIsACrime

Grand Moff Tim said:


> The next step: Date somebody skinnier than her. Doesn't matter if she was skinny, find somebody skinnier.
> 
> Petty? Yes.
> Vindictive? Yes.
> _Hilarious?_* Yes*.
> 
> This advice courtesy of my Grandma, may she rest in peace.


 
Ahh, so that's where you get it from, eh?


----------



## UnderTheSign

USMarine75 said:


> We're solving probs left and right over here on ss.org... next?


I'm all outta rubbers and booze... Send me some.

Me and my friends have set out to collect "panda points". Something recently adapted by students over here. Each month of no sex gains you 1 point. 1 week = 1 point if you're in college or uni  I'm ahead of most others....


----------



## tacotiklah

Had a movie date last night with this nice guy. Well, mostly nice. Problem is that he is one of those nice guys that has been burned too many times, and now is pretty cold towards people. Great. Means that any further pursuit will be long, slow and tedious. *sigh*.....

About that girl, I've posted about previously, I've been texting her less and less. Mainly due to me being much busier, but also because I've had it with mind games from people. 

I want Murmel to teach me how to build my own girlfriend robot, so that this craziness stops.


----------



## Murmel

Wait, what?  What makes you think I can make robots?


----------



## tacotiklah

Murmel said:


> Wait, what?  What makes you think I can make robots?


 

Oh, I get your name confused with Mordicain. I know one of you specializes in robotics. And is a goddamn genius.


----------



## Murmel

ghstofperdition said:


> Oh, I get your name confused with Mordicain. I know one of you specializes in robotics. And is a goddamn genius.


I only specialize in Japanese males.


----------



## tacotiklah

I approve. 


Just keep that first pic away from Ry, or you'll never get it back.


----------



## Murmel

He probably already has it, he's got a fucking hard drive full with pictures of dudes


----------



## UnderTheSign

Japanese males? inb4Necris


----------



## Murmel

Necris still thinks I'm gay. I will never forget the conversation he had with Ryan when Ryan showed him a pic of Hiroto (the second dude in my pics up there). 

Ryan: I'm keeping this tab open, so I can link it to Murmel when he logs on *pic*
Chris: He's gonna cum all over the place
Ryan: hahaha
Chris: Or entierly in his pants... depends...


----------



## Metalus

Dont mean to change the convo but I was hoping Id get some advice on a situation im currently in.

About 3 weeks ago, I was at a university chilling with some friends doing the usual college stuff (drinking and the other activity ). We were hanging out in the dorm room of my friend Donny's gf (imma refer to her as Hannah). After getting pretty drunk I proceeded to talk to Hannah's best friend (imma refer to her as Debbie) who is also her roommate (she was also pretty drunk). We had a very nice conversation (I think I hit on her at one point haha) that made me believe we had a moment and clicked a little. Nothing major, but something none the less. Hannah told her of what I said and she believed that I was in love with her or something. 

Fast forward a week later, and we all hung out again in their dorm but this time it was just me, Debbie, Hannah, Donny, and 2 more friends of theirs. Nothing really happened this we just hung out and chatted between everyone. We were supposed to watch a movie but that didnt happen either. This doesnt seem relevant to the story but I'd figured I'd throw it in there.

And now we come to main story itself. A week after that, Donny, Hannah, Debbie and myself all went clubbing with some friends. The night started with us getting in and getting some drinks. The intention was to get trashed haha. About an hour or so into the night, after I talked to her for a bit and downed a few drinks with her, I noticed that she started dancing with a friend of mine. It bugged me at first, but I didnt think much of it because nothing had happened between us. Not yet anyway.

Fast forward an hour, and were both pretty drunk. she grabs my hand and we follow Hannah and another friend onto the dance floor. We barely make it to the dance floor and the grinding-esque dancing begins. We finally get to the middle of the dance floor and she proceeds to make out with me. We end up dancing, grinding, and making out for about 2-3 hours. It was a bit of a blur because of the alcohol but it was awesome none the less. 

This is where it gets a bit weird. After we decide to take a bit of a break and sit down, we started to act very "couple-ish". Cute looks to each other, romantic like pop kisses, and the occasional reoccurring make out session. She's still pretty drunk during all of this but I started to sober up. We end up leaving the club because a friend of ours got caught with a certain substance. We decide to go to Denny's. At one point during the drive she even called me "babe" which of course is a bit unusual at this point. I found myself returning many of the cute looks and pop kisses throughout the night.

Due to a friend of ours drinking too much and too stupidly, we had to take him to his house and because of that the night got shortened pretty quickly. We finally started to head to Denny's after dropping him off. By this time Debbie had sobered up and her demeanor started to change. She wasnt doing any of the cute stuff, no kisses, nothing that signified affection. It couldve been that she was really tired, but it was still a bit strange.

After we ate we headed toward their school. After dropping them off at their dorm, she gave me a very friend like hug (no kiss or kiss on the cheek or anything) and we said goodnight. For some reason I didnt attempt to get her phone number. I dont knw why I didnt. 

I messaged her on facebook the following night around midnight or so and received a response the following day around noon. We had a very short conversation about normal things (how was your day, what did you do etc.). I didnt bring up what happened because I didnt knw if it would scare her off or something. It also seemed that she didnt want to talk to me.

Hannah tells Donny to tell me later on that I should probably "leave it be" for the time being because apparently she doesnt know if this was real or a drunk impulse. This was something I did not hear straight from Debbie.

Im super confused as to where I stand. I dont knw if she likes me or not, what she thinks of that night and what happened or anything else. Hannah knows her better than me so I figured I'll listen to her advice. I just dont get how we can have a hellova night like that that seems bound to go somewhere, to all of a sudden nothing at all. At least thats what it looks like at this point. I suppose I do need to talk to her in person eventually. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read through this story . Can anyone shed any light on this? All advice is welcome


----------



## avenger

The solution is obviously to go drinking with her again!


----------



## murakami

Metalus said:


> Dont mean to change the convo but I was hoping Id get some advice on a situation im currently in.
> 
> About 3 weeks ago, I was at a university chilling with some friends doing the usual college stuff (drinking and the other activity ). We were hanging out in the dorm room of my friend Donny's gf (imma refer to her as Hannah). After getting pretty drunk I proceeded to talk to Hannah's best friend (imma refer to her as Debbie) who is also her roommate (she was also pretty drunk). We had a very nice conversation (I think I hit on her at one point haha) that made me believe we had a moment and clicked a little. Nothing major, but something none the less. Hannah told her of what I said and she believed that I was in love with her or something.
> 
> Fast forward a week later, and we all hung out again in their dorm but this time it was just me, Debbie, Hannah, Donny, and 2 more friends of theirs. Nothing really happened this we just hung out and chatted between everyone. We were supposed to watch a movie but that didnt happen either. This doesnt seem relevant to the story but I'd figured I'd throw it in there.
> 
> And now we come to main story itself. A week after that, Donny, Hannah, Debbie and myself all went clubbing with some friends. The night started with us getting in and getting some drinks. The intention was to get trashed haha. About an hour or so into the night, after I talked to her for a bit and downed a few drinks with her, I noticed that she started dancing with a friend of mine. It bugged me at first, but I didnt think much of it because nothing had happened between us. Not yet anyway.
> 
> Fast forward an hour, and were both pretty drunk. she grabs my hand and we follow Hannah and another friend onto the dance floor. We barely make it to the dance floor and the grinding-esque dancing begins. We finally get to the middle of the dance floor and she proceeds to make out with me. We end up dancing, grinding, and making out for about 2-3 hours. It was a bit of a blur because of the alcohol but it was awesome none the less.
> 
> This is where it gets a bit weird. After we decide to take a bit of a break and sit down, we started to act very "couple-ish". Cute looks to each other, romantic like pop kisses, and the occasional reoccurring make out session. She's still pretty drunk during all of this but I started to sober up. We end up leaving the club because a friend of ours got caught with a certain substance. We decide to go to Denny's. At one point during the drive she even called me "babe" which of course is a bit unusual at this point. I found myself returning many of the cute looks and pop kisses throughout the night.
> 
> Due to a friend of ours drinking too much and too stupidly, we had to take him to his house and because of that the night got shortened pretty quickly. We finally started to head to Denny's after dropping him off. By this time Debbie had sobered up and her demeanor started to change. She wasnt doing any of the cute stuff, no kisses, nothing that signified affection. It couldve been that she was really tired, but it was still a bit strange.
> 
> After we ate we headed toward their school. After dropping them off at their dorm, she gave me a very friend like hug (no kiss or kiss on the cheek or anything) and we said goodnight. For some reason I didnt attempt to get her phone number. I dont knw why I didnt.
> 
> I messaged her on facebook the following night around midnight or so and received a response the following day around noon. We had a very short conversation about normal things (how was your day, what did you do etc.). I didnt bring up what happened because I didnt knw if it would scare her off or something. It also seemed that she didnt want to talk to me.
> 
> Hannah tells Donny to tell me later on that I should probably "leave it be" for the time being because apparently she doesnt know if this was real or a drunk impulse. This was something I did not hear straight from Debbie.
> 
> Im super confused as to where I stand. I dont knw if she likes me or not, what she thinks of that night and what happened or anything else. Hannah knows her better than me so I figured I'll listen to her advice. I just dont get how we can have a hellova night like that that seems bound to go somewhere, to all of a sudden nothing at all. At least thats what it looks like at this point. I suppose I do need to talk to her in person eventually. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read through this story . Can anyone shed any light on this? All advice is welcome


 
serious answer... do you want to be with a girl who likes to get drunk and make out with people? and even if she decides she likes you afterwards, you know her history of getting drunk and making out with people, which to me, is somewhat unsettling. keep in mind that you're still in that party stage as well, so i think you two should really think of what you guys are doing. you want a serious relationship? a fun one where you guys screw around? do you see yourself really with a person like her?

i don't know you personally, but it's obvious you have sensitive side otherwise you wouldn't bring this up. every time i hear of a girl getting drunk and making out, grinding and shit; i don't think much of her. and if she grows out of the partying stage, she'll still have that mentality. in my opinion, let it be. you don'twant this thing hanging around too much, especially when you already had problems with her grinding with another guy, you know what i mean? i BET it will happen again when she can't handle liquor.


----------



## USMarine75

Murmel said:


>


 
^ I'd do her...


----------



## Mr Violence

Metalus said:


> Can anyone shed any light on this? All advice is welcome



Talk to her. Don't beat around the bush. Life's too short, bud. Worse thing that could happen is she tells you it was just a drunken little thing, nothing more. No harm done, and you don't have to sit around wondering. Don't waste time when you actually feel something.

Also, yeah she got drunk and acted out. That happens though, I wouldn't label her as a sloot just yet, but be wary.


----------



## SilenceIsACrime

Mr Violence said:


> Talk to her. Don't beat around the bush. Life's too short, bud. Worse thing that could happen is she tells you it was just a drunken little thing, nothing more. No harm done, and you don't have to sit around wondering. Don't waste time when you actually feel something.
> 
> Also, yeah she got drunk and acted out. That happens though, I wouldn't label her as a sloot just yet, but be wary.


 
 Hit the nail on the head with all of that.

As for the "drunken makeout" thing - I might be a minority in this, but I still have decent bearings even when totally sloshed. If I meet a girl at a club and there is a mutual attraction (from either knowing her beforehand or simply meeting her there) then sure, I am down for makeouts, but if I know I am clearly not into her I won't let anything happen. I know most people aren't quite as in control of their inhibitions as myself, but don't write her off just yet. It could be that she very well had feelings and the alcohol allowed her to express them. Of course, it could also be the opposite, so like Mr. Violence said - talk to her!!


----------



## Murmel

^
He plays guitar too, I guess that's a plus huh? 






Dude with the Les Paul is him


----------



## BucketheadRules

UnderTheSign said:


> Japanese males? inb4Necris



RANDY LIKED A FUCKING POST.

Is he back?


----------



## Mr Violence

BucketheadRules said:


> RANDY LIKED A FUCKING POST.
> 
> Is he back?



Oh my... Good catch.

We live in hope.


----------



## UnderTheSign

BucketheadRules said:


> RANDY LIKED A FUCKING POST.
> 
> Is he back?


I wasn't going to mention because I didn't want to start all the OMG SQUEEEE stuff again. Oh well


----------



## Metalus

brutalwizard said:


> hmm....
> 
> well you first need to take into consideration a couple things before you get caught up thinking about this super hard on what YOU might have done wrong.
> 
> 1. what is Debbie's backstory? i mean is she getting out of a long relationship and she is playing the drunk rebound game?
> 
> 2. she was drunk, i know that is a lame excuse and scapegoat idea. but i have done crazier things drunk as many have, and even if she wasnt that drunk. she could also be using it as a free pass to act uncharacteristically to her normal self.
> 
> 3. her point of view
> "i am a young dumb girl testing out the waters, gettin' my drink on with friends"
> then things get taken a bit far with you, in her own context of taking it to far.
> 
> and the "tired" state is more of a mind racing, i feel dirty and awkward. but i need to act just normal enough that this doesn't get weird in the car.
> 
> i would also assume, she explained this all to her friend hannah, and she either was told to tell you to leave it be. or was indirectly hinted by Debbie that, that is her true wishes.
> 
> hope that helps, that's my view with 6 years EXP of being in the Just friends zone listening to nonsensical bable from lots of girls. and learning how most seem to think.



As far as I know, shes never had a boyfriend and shes also a virgin. How true this is I do not know. I guess she might be testing the waters. I myself just got out of a 7 year relationship about a month and a half ago so that might be affecting the way I think.



avenger said:


> The solution is obviously to go drinking with her again!



Ive definitely thought of that 



murakami said:


> serious answer... do you want to be with a girl who likes to get drunk and make out with people? and even if she decides she likes you afterwards, you know her history of getting drunk and making out with people, which to me, is somewhat unsettling. keep in mind that you're still in that party stage as well, so i think you two should really think of what you guys are doing. you want a serious relationship? a fun one where you guys screw around? do you see yourself really with a person like her?
> 
> i don't know you personally, but it's obvious you have sensitive side otherwise you wouldn't bring this up. every time i hear of a girl getting drunk and making out, grinding and shit; i don't think much of her. and if she grows out of the partying stage, she'll still have that mentality. in my opinion, let it be. you don'twant this thing hanging around too much, especially when you already had problems with her grinding with another guy, you know what i mean? i BET it will happen again when she can't handle liquor.



This whole situation is a: "Id like to knw where i stand" kinda thing. As far as what I want out of it, I guess I would like to get to know her better and possibly date and such, but a relationship is out of the question for me at the moment. I dont rule out the possibility though and I would definitely love to have that kind of fun with her again. I guess I should just drink with her again next time haha



Mr Violence said:


> Talk to her. Don't beat around the bush. Life's too short, bud. Worse thing that could happen is she tells you it was just a drunken little thing, nothing more. No harm done, and you don't have to sit around wondering. Don't waste time when you actually feel something.
> 
> Also, yeah she got drunk and acted out. That happens though, I wouldn't label her as a sloot just yet, but be wary.



I plan on talking to her but i dont live close nor do i have her number. I figure Ill talk to her when I see her in person. 



SilenceIsACrime said:


> Hit the nail on the head with all of that.
> 
> As for the "drunken makeout" thing - I might be a minority in this, but I still have decent bearings even when totally sloshed. If I meet a girl at a club and there is a mutual attraction (from either knowing her beforehand or simply meeting her there) then sure, I am down for makeouts, but if I know I am clearly not into her I won't let anything happen. I know most people aren't quite as in control of their inhibitions as myself, but don't write her off just yet. It could be that she very well had feelings and the alcohol allowed her to express them. Of course, it could also be the opposite, so like Mr. Violence said - talk to her!!



Whats the best way to bring up this kind of conversation to a girl? I dont really know how to bring it up or what to say for that matter


----------



## SilenceIsACrime

Metalus said:


> I myself just got out of a 7 year relationship about a month and a half ago so that might be affecting the way I think.
> 
> Whats the best way to bring up this kind of conversation to a girl? I dont really know how to bring it up or what to say for that matter


 
Holy shit, seven years?? Fuck, I am sorry to hear that. I sincerely hope you are holding up well!

Hmm, well I would probably be as straight up with her as possible. Something to the extent of "hey, it really seemed as though we had a great time that night and I wanted to know if that was a one time thing or if maybe you would like to hang out some more and see where this goes?" Explain that you aren't exactly looking for a serious relationship but having someone to call up to go on a date with would be nice.


----------



## Raaaaal13

@Metalus I'm pretty sure I'm just repeating what everyone else has said, but just ask her about it. Worst case scenario is that she tells you it was just a little drunken fling. No harm done.

Also I've been wanting to post here for a bit now since you all seem very helpful but could never figure out when I should. I guess I'll just do it now:
I just recently got out of a serious 3 year relationship and I'm doing fine when it comes down to the break-up but my real concern is that everything feels...weird. I spent a lot of time with this girl and would be constantly talking to her and spending time with her and whatnot, but now it feels like I have a lot of free time but don't know what to do with it. She was the only person I'd have a constant conversation with or would spend so much time with. It feels like I have this giant void of space in/around me and I don't know what(or who) to fill it with. It kinda feels like anxiety. I wanna continue on with my life, but don't know where to start. 

Apologies if this sounds weird to anyone, I don't exactly know how to voice what I'm feeling/thinking.


----------



## highlordmugfug

murakami said:


> in all honesty, i think most women would dump you for your attitude.


Says the guy who neg repped me for trying to help someone through something difficult. 


JeffFromMtl said:


> Why?





Mr Violence said:


> Yeah, why?


Because I called him out for being an idiot in 2 other threads and he's going to continue be a dick about it, and insult someone in a love and relationship thread who only came in to help someone else and say that he too has been having a rough time: that's why apparently.


----------



## highlordmugfug

Raaaaal13 said:


> @Metalus I'm pretty sure I'm just repeating what everyone else has said, but just ask her about it. Worst case scenario is that she tells you it was just a little drunken fling. No harm done.
> 
> Also I've been wanting to post here for a bit now since you all seem very helpful but could never figure out when I should. I guess I'll just do it now:
> I just recently got out of a serious 3 year relationship and I'm doing fine when it comes down to the break-up but my real concern is that everything feels...weird. I spent a lot of time with this girl and would be constantly talking to her and spending time with her and whatnot, but now it feels like I have a lot of free time but don't know what to do with it. She was the only person I'd have a constant conversation with or would spend so much time with. It feels like I have this giant void of space in/around me and I don't know what(or who) to fill it with. It kinda feels like anxiety. I wanna continue on with my life, but don't know where to start.
> 
> Apologies if this sounds weird to anyone, I don't exactly know how to voice what I'm feeling/thinking.


+1

And I know how that is, if I were you I'd just try and get out an socialize more. Make new friends, hang out with old friends, just go out and do stuff, and be sure to do stuff that you enjoy doing as well. Play music more, read if that's your thing, go hiking, paint, draw, work out, etc. Just whatever it is that you're into hobbywise and things you enjoy doing.


----------



## Mr Violence

Raaaaal13 said:


> @Metalus I'm pretty sure I'm just repeating what everyone else has said, but just ask her about it. Worst case scenario is that she tells you it was just a little drunken fling. No harm done.
> 
> Also I've been wanting to post here for a bit now since you all seem very helpful but could never figure out when I should. I guess I'll just do it now:
> I just recently got out of a serious 3 year relationship and I'm doing fine when it comes down to the break-up but my real concern is that everything feels...weird. I spent a lot of time with this girl and would be constantly talking to her and spending time with her and whatnot, but now it feels like I have a lot of free time but don't know what to do with it. She was the only person I'd have a constant conversation with or would spend so much time with. It feels like I have this giant void of space in/around me and I don't know what(or who) to fill it with. It kinda feels like anxiety. I wanna continue on with my life, but don't know where to start.
> 
> Apologies if this sounds weird to anyone, I don't exactly know how to voice what I'm feeling/thinking.



I can safely say I've definitely been through this. I seriously did not know what to do with myself. So I started a band and we shredded faces for about a year and a half haha.

Seriously, just occupy your time with what you do have. Friends, family, guitar, anything. Try to better yourself. Try new things.


One big mistake everyone tends to make is looking for another girl. Just make sure you don't do that. It will just happen when the time is right and if you start looking, you won't find it.


When you're single, sometimes it's hard to see how free you really are, but you can do anything you want right now and no one will give a fuck. Enjoy it.


PARTY HARD.


----------



## tacotiklah

USMarine75 said:


> ^ I'd do her...



Seems like we may have some new members of the family soon. :goodgood:

I think thats just fabulous!


----------



## stevo1

Mr Violence said:


> One big mistake everyone tends to make is looking for another girl. Just make sure you don't do that. It will just happen when the time is right and if you start looking, you won't find it.



This.
A lot of people go out to find another person to try to fill the void of the previous person. Some of the people get so desperate that they will take pretty much anybody, without actually looking at the type of person it is, or how they act, which a lot of times ends them in the same situation as before. You could go out and end up finding some sort of psychopath, But you would be blind to their problems, because you just don't want to be alone.


----------



## Konfyouzd

So... I mentioned a lady named Caroline many many many pages ago... 

She totally turned me down but everything she's done since then seems to suggest that she may be changing her mind or perhaps that she just wanted to see how I'd take it. She's also still in school at the moment (graduates in December) so this may also be playing a role in her decision at the time.

At any rate, for some reason being turned down this time hasn't slowed my stride in the slightest. I still flirt with her all the time and I'm just not getting that "I don't like you" vibe unless she just gets really comfy w/ her friends. Also, she seems to want to see me more often now that it appears I'm okay with not dating her for the moment. That doesn't rule out that I've been trapped in the friend zone, though. 

She will be mine... 

Oh yes... 

She will be mine...







At the same time. Women are some very confusing yet profoundly insightful ppl to have around (sometimes). Great as friends or "more."


----------



## highlordmugfug

ghstofperdition said:


> Seems like we may have some new members of the family soon. :goodgood:
> 
> I think thats just fabulous!


----------



## Raaaaal13

Thanks for the advice guys! I'll definitely dedicate my time to enjoyable activities. Time to get in a band and shred some faces! And also @Mr Violence I WILL party hard . Seriously guys thanks for the help!


----------



## Metalus

Thanks a bunch for the advice guys. As far as how im doing considering i just got out of a 7 year relationship, I think im doing fairly well but now the ex wants to be friends . In all honesty, the only reason I would wanna be friends would be to have sex with her again . I know it sounds messed up but oh well. At this point in time I just dont see the benefit of us being friends especially considering how full of shit I think she is. My penis is battling my logic  Any suggestions?


----------



## renzoip

Metalus said:


> Thanks a bunch for the advice guys. As far as how im doing considering i just got out of a 7 year relationship, I think im doing fairly well but now the ex wants to be friends . In all honesty, the only reason I would wanna be friends would be to have sex with her again . I know it sounds messed up but oh well. At this point in time I just dont see the benefit of us being friends especially considering how full of shit I think she is. My penis is battling my logic  Any suggestions?



Listen to your logic, man. If you don't feel like genuinely being her friend, then pretending to be friends will do no good. Besides, if you think she is full of shit, then its better to stay away from her. 

I'm sure you can find another girl to have sex with. That way you'll be in good terms with your logic, and your penis won't be mad at you


----------



## ghostred7

Metalus said:


> Thanks a bunch for the advice guys. As far as how im doing considering i just got out of a 7 year relationship, I think im doing fairly well but now the ex wants to be friends . In all honesty, the only reason I would wanna be friends would be to have sex with her again . I know it sounds messed up but oh well. At this point in time I just dont see the benefit of us being friends especially considering how full of shit I think she is. My penis is battling my logic  Any suggestions?


You're going to have to draw a hardline at the relationship stance. Like it or not where it stands....you've broken up with someone that was part of your life for nearly a decade. You can try to sever ties all-together physically and emotionally....but there's a strong chance somewhere that you won't be able to. That's probably the reason she wants to remain friends. If it's just your dick that wants to be "in contact" with her, sever ties completely and save yourself some emotional pain. You can try to convince us and yourself that you've removed all of the emotions...but as soon as you're around each other again, it'll re-surface again. Move on and find new ass.


----------



## Mr Violence

Metalus said:


> Thanks a bunch for the advice guys. As far as how im doing considering i just got out of a 7 year relationship, I think im doing fairly well but now the ex wants to be friends . In all honesty, the only reason I would wanna be friends would be to have sex with her again . I know it sounds messed up but oh well. At this point in time I just dont see the benefit of us being friends especially considering how full of shit I think she is. My penis is battling my logic  Any suggestions?



Logic > Sex. Go back a page or two and see my story for a reason to follow this line of thinking.

Don't ever justify a bad idea when you know it's a bad idea just because you're going to get some.



And after breaking up with anyone, you're NEVER going to be just friends again. There is no such thing. You can be friends, don't get me wrong, but your past will always remain and they'll always own that little part of your life you spent together. I'm very good friends with my first girlfriend of 4 years, but there are lines that are not crossed. We'd never hang out alone. I'd never want to make her current bf be uncomfortable. But she gets me in a way that no one else ever will. That's not JUST friends. They always take a little bit of your emotion and will hold onto it forever.

The moral of that paragraph is that even if you think you can hook up with no emotion, you can't. End of story. You. Just. Can't.

That's just how shit works.


----------



## SilenceIsACrime

Mr Violence said:


> Logic > Sex. Go back a page or two and see my story for a reason to follow this line of thinking.
> 
> Don't ever justify a bad idea when you know it's a bad idea just because you're going to get some.
> 
> 
> 
> And after breaking up with anyone, you're NEVER going to be just friends again. There is no such thing. You can be friends, don't get me wrong, but your past will always remain and they'll always own that little part of your life you spent together. I'm very good friends with my first girlfriend of 4 years, but there are lines that are not crossed. We'd never hang out alone. I'd never want to make her current bf be uncomfortable. But she gets me in a way that no one else ever will. That's not JUST friends. They always take a little bit of your emotion and will hold onto it forever.
> 
> The moral of that paragraph is that even if you think you can hook up with no emotion, you can't. End of story. You. Just. Can't.
> 
> That's just how shit works.


 
Amen, brother.

It was funny, towards the beginning of the Summer I started hanging out again a bit with my very first girlfriend. Quick back-story: I was head over heels for her and she broke it off for what seemed like no reason and I was absolutely devastated. Fast forward to present day (about 6 years) - she is married now (I was also in a committed relationship) and this is the first time I have seen her since high school ended. We were with two buddies of mine and were having a pretty good time, when the two we were with left for the restroom. All of a sudden, my ex turns to me and goes "man.... we used to be in love." As you can imagine, this took me _completely_ by surprise. We kinda reminisced about how things used to be and compared them to now; totally surreal and frankly strange. Then our friends came back and things went to "normal" again.

Kinda just goes to show that, no matter what life scenarios they are in, the past between two ex lovers is still going to be relevant when they see each other. It's pretty much unavoidable (apart from avoiding that person altogether).


----------



## HaMMerHeD

I have always found it prudent to cut off all contact with exes. Sometimes the past doesn't like to stay in the past where it belongs.


----------



## tacotiklah

highlordmugfug said:


>


 

I really wish Alex could add a family guy good, good beetle smiley. I'd use the every loving hell out of it here. 


So back to relationship stuff:

Yep, had it out with that girl that I've discussed before. I now rarely text her, if at all, and have learned to focus on my own shit. Life is much better, but it's still hard to get her out of my head. I still keep thinking and asking myself if she's ok, even if I really don't want to know or care. In the meantime I met a nice guy, and I took him on a couple of dates. Problem is that I've become kind of cold to him, and people in general. I'm guessing that it's just because I've recently been emotionally reamed and I'm not too keen and letting it happen again. Plus the whole 'date other guys' thing is a new concept for me, so I'm learning the dos and don'ts of it. Pretty similar to "straight" dating, but with obvious differences. I suppose one good thing about a "gay" date is that nobody minds splitting the cost of things. Perfect for a broke bastard like me. 

Still, I just find it hard to completely let that girl go. I don't know why, but it's affecting my ability to move on to other people.


----------



## Nile

Sorry to kill the mood, but incoming wall of goddammit.

So now my 4 year ex texts me now and I ask questions. She apparently still cares about me and I'm still her best friend, but this fucking asshole guy she has liked for the past year lied and said I was talking shit to him to which I was not. He always wanted her to hate me, and now.. I can't even type the rest I'm so fucking torn by this. I was just getting over her and now she says she missed me but then all the sudden says I guilt trip her all the time unknowingly and that I always blame her, looks like she can't take being fucking talked back to, and won't talk about things like a civilized human fucking being. After her saying she missed me I went right back to trying to be her friend then starts all this bullshit and blocked me again, so going from the low/medium state to a high now down to the bottom again, I think I'm honestly done with life. I'm sorry but what the fuck. I seriously fucking hate her for the lieing cheating asshole she is but my other half still knows she is just the best person I will literally ever meet, her personality is just so fucking close to mine. She has cheated on me like 3 times (not sexually ever), lies to me constantly, is never a talker so never talks to anyone about any problems so I think she is just going off on me so much because of that too. GODFUCKINGDAMMIT

To quit even shaking I cut myself multiple times on the upper part of my left arm, enough to where It was probably around a 6x5 inch square of just blood where the cuts were not counting the run off. This is all because I have no one to talk to so this is the only thing to help. I'm not an adult yet, only 17 just 2 months ago, so I probably can't handle this kind of shit like an adult could.

I can safely say now I've mistakenly put all of my emotional being into just her.

I fucking give up.


----------



## rythmic_pulses

Nile said:


> Sorry to kill the mood, but incoming wall of goddammit.
> 
> So now my 4 year ex texts me now and I ask questions. She apparently still cares about me and I'm still her best friend, but this fucking asshole guy she has liked for the past year lied and said I was talking shit to him to which I was not. He always wanted her to hate me, and now.. I can't even type the rest I'm so fucking torn by this. I was just getting over her and now she says she missed me but then all the sudden says I guilt trip her all the time unknowingly and that I always blame her, looks like she can't take being fucking talked back to, and won't talk about things like a civilized human fucking being. After her saying she missed me I went right back to trying to be her friend then starts all this bullshit and blocked me again, so going from the low/medium state to a high now down to the bottom again, I think I'm honestly done with life. I'm sorry but what the fuck. I seriously fucking hate her for the lieing cheating asshole she is but my other half still knows she is just the best person I will literally ever meet, her personality is just so fucking close to mine. She has cheated on me like 3 times (not sexually ever), lies to me constantly, is never a talker so never talks to anyone about any problems so I think she is just going off on me so much because of that too. GODFUCKINGDAMMIT
> 
> To quit even shaking I cut myself multiple times on the upper part of my left arm, enough to where It was probably around a 6x5 inch square of just blood where the cuts were not counting the run off. This is all because I have no one to talk to so this is the only thing to help. I'm not an adult yet, only 17 just 2 months ago, so I probably can't handle this kind of shit like an adult could.
> 
> I can safely say now I've mistakenly put all of my emotional being into just her.
> 
> I fucking give up.


 
I know what you mean bro, my first girlfriend was a liar, cheat and a thief, she cheated on me with some rich canadian guy and left me with no money at all, they fucked off and went to Spain together and left me with nothing but rage, hate and other dark feelings but I pulled through and with my band I dedicated a song live to her, that song was Megadeth's "Liar" and I changed the lyrics a little to fit and it felt good just to dis her in front of about 100 people and I don't usually sing either, I'm 20 now and in a better relationship now, I was about 16 so I was legal at the time  and I live in the U.K, cutting yourself will do more harm than good, just don't talk to her anymore if it causes you so much grief and take your frustration out on the guitar as that is what I do now if I get angry or upset.

Never Give Up!


----------



## SilenceIsACrime

Nile said:


> Sorry to kill the mood, but incoming wall of goddammit.
> 
> So now my 4 year ex texts me now and I ask questions. She apparently still cares about me and I'm still her best friend, but this fucking asshole guy she has liked for the past year lied and said I was talking shit to him to which I was not. He always wanted her to hate me, and now.. I can't even type the rest I'm so fucking torn by this. I was just getting over her and now she says she missed me but then all the sudden says I guilt trip her all the time unknowingly and that I always blame her, looks like she can't take being fucking talked back to, and won't talk about things like a civilized human fucking being. After her saying she missed me I went right back to trying to be her friend then starts all this bullshit and blocked me again, so going from the low/medium state to a high now down to the bottom again, I think I'm honestly done with life. I'm sorry but what the fuck. I seriously fucking hate her for the lieing cheating asshole she is but my other half still knows she is just the best person I will literally ever meet, her personality is just so fucking close to mine. She has cheated on me like 3 times (not sexually ever), lies to me constantly, is never a talker so never talks to anyone about any problems so I think she is just going off on me so much because of that too. GODFUCKINGDAMMIT
> 
> To quit even shaking I cut myself multiple times on the upper part of my left arm, enough to where It was probably around a 6x5 inch square of just blood where the cuts were not counting the run off. This is all because I have no one to talk to so this is the only thing to help. I'm not an adult yet, only 17 just 2 months ago, so I probably can't handle this kind of shit like an adult could.
> 
> I can safely say now I've mistakenly put all of my emotional being into just her.
> 
> I fucking give up.


 
Alright, first and foremost - *cutting yourself is not the correct answer to this*. I know you are extremely upset right now but physically harming yourself isn't gonna do anything but make you feel even worse. Almost anything is better than that: go for a drive and scream at the top of your lungs (that works wonders for me), go for a run, crank your amp to 11. Whatever you find that works that isn't so damaging.

Second - remember, you are only 17 my friend. To say you aren't going to find anyone as amazing as her kinda proves that. Of COURSE you are going to find someone amazing in the future. To be cliche - there are plenty of other fish in the sea. I know you don't want to hear that, but it's the truth and once you work your way out of this you will see that.

Third - I haven't been in such a situation myself, but I have heard of a few people breaking up *because* they had the same personality. I think that just causes too many clashes (stubborn about the same things, worked up over the same things, etc.); what you want to find is someone who complements your personality. Fills in some cracks that you can't, you know? To spout another cliche - opposites attract!

And lastly, I think the same advice that has been doled out to the last few individuals (including myself) applies to you - you need to totally separate from her! No more "best friends" shit; it has only gotten you into more and more problems over the last few years. I did it just the other day and I already feel better for it. It might fucking SUCK, but it will be worth it and you will finally be able to move on and focus on yourself and potentially new ladies.

Keep your chin up, man! To quote Robert Frost, "In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life: it goes on."


----------



## rythmic_pulses

SilenceIsACrime said:


> Alright, first and foremost - *cutting yourself is not the correct answer to this*. I know you are extremely upset right now but physically harming yourself isn't gonna do anything but make you feel even worse. Almost anything is better than that: go for a drive and scream at the top of your lungs (that works wonders for me), go for a run, crank your amp to 11. Whatever you find that works that isn't so damaging.
> 
> Second - remember, you are only 17 my friend. To say you aren't going to find anyone as amazing as her kinda proves that. Of COURSE you are going to find someone amazing in the future. To be cliche - there are plenty of other fish in the sea. I know you don't want to hear that, but it's the truth and once you work your way out of this you will see that.
> 
> Third - I haven't been in such a situation myself, but I have heard of a few people breaking up *because* they had the same personality. I think that just causes too many clashes (stubborn about the same things, worked up over the same things, etc.); what you want to find is someone who complements your personality. Fills in some cracks that you can't, you know? To spout another cliche - opposites attract!
> 
> And lastly, I think the same advice that has been doled out to the last few individuals (including myself) applies to you - you need to totally separate from her! No more "best friends" shit; it has only gotten you into more and more problems over the last few years. I did it just the other day and I already feel better for it. It might fucking SUCK, but it will be worth it and you will finally be able to move on and focus on yourself and potentially new ladies.
> 
> Keep your chin up, man! To quote Robert Frost, "In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life: it goes on."


 
That part about opposites attracting is totally true, my girlfriend is mostly into thrash but I am into Doom and Death metal, she sings and I play guitar but we are similar in some ways too.


----------



## Nile

rythmic_pulses said:


> I know what you mean bro, my first girlfriend was a liar, cheat and a thief, she cheated on me with some rich canadian guy and left me with no money at all, they fucked off and went to Spain together and left me with nothing but rage, hate and other dark feelings but I pulled through and with my band I dedicated a song live to her, that song was Megadeth's "Liar" and I changed the lyrics a little to fit and it felt good just to dis her in front of about 100 people and I don't usually sing either, I'm 20 now and in a better relationship now, I was about 16 so I was legal at the time  and I live in the U.K, cutting yourself will do more harm than good, just don't talk to her anymore if it causes you so much grief and take your frustration out on the guitar as that is what I do now if I get angry or upset.
> 
> Never Give Up!


 
It actually does help though dude, it seriously does. Not like I feel it anyways. But I WANT to talk to her, I want her to just talk to me for once in our like 4 and a half years of just knowing eachother, to actually just talk to me and heed what I'm actually saying instead of moving everything I say to the side.

But awesome dis on her with Liar, that's awesome


----------



## Nile

SilenceIsACrime said:


> Alright, first and foremost - *cutting yourself is not the correct answer to this*. I know you are extremely upset right now but physically harming yourself isn't gonna do anything but make you feel even worse. Almost anything is better than that: go for a drive and scream at the top of your lungs (that works wonders for me), go for a run, crank your amp to 11. Whatever you find that works that isn't so damaging.
> 
> Second - remember, you are only 17 my friend. To say you aren't going to find anyone as amazing as her kinda proves that. Of COURSE you are going to find someone amazing in the future. To be cliche - there are plenty of other fish in the sea. I know you don't want to hear that, but it's the truth and once you work your way out of this you will see that.
> 
> Third - I haven't been in such a situation myself, but I have heard of a few people breaking up *because* they had the same personality. I think that just causes too many clashes (stubborn about the same things, worked up over the same things, etc.); what you want to find is someone who complements your personality. Fills in some cracks that you can't, you know? To spout another cliche - opposites attract!
> 
> And lastly, I think the same advice that has been doled out to the last few individuals (including myself) applies to you - you need to totally separate from her! No more "best friends" shit; it has only gotten you into more and more problems over the last few years. I did it just the other day and I already feel better for it. It might fucking SUCK, but it will be worth it and you will finally be able to move on and focus on yourself and potentially new ladies.
> 
> Keep your chin up, man! To quote Robert Frost, "In three words I can sum up everything I have learned about life: it goes on."


 

That quote is awesome.
But I also can't do any of those things to relieve any pressure, Can't do any of that.
I can't express this enough though, I truly can't, but she is SUCH an amazing friend when we aren't fighting, I seriously can't give her up, I just CAN'T. I'm sorry for being stubborn but it's quite literally impossible for me since she was my best and only friend since I was like 12.


----------



## avenger

So much RAGE!

For the first time in 9 months with my newer GF I fucking raged on her. Which is totally unlike me. Usally at most I get to the point of being like OK I am done talking right now type deal. Last night however...

I raged. it wasn't a full on rage meaning i wasn't screaming at her (this was over the phone) but I just couldn't hold back anymore I snapped and just released the fury of how ridiculous I thought she was being and how it was starting to piss me off. Then like a classic women she started balling and made me feel like shit.

So I went into the stop crying blahblahblahbla comfort mode shit and we talked for awhile and all was well. I went to bed and didn't feel any problems would linger and SHE said that it was all good and we should just get past it now. Good girl.

OR you can send me a msg saying that "I don't mind when we have stupid fights everyone does, but I didn't like that fight last night at all" and I get that shit when I get to work in the morning. 

Now I am fucking pissed again. Its like fucking you didn't want to talk before, I got you to talk and all was good so now you are bringing this up again.

Also the fight was STUPID. Basically she kept saying I was being violent in my voice or something and asked if i was okay I told her yeah I am fine I have just been busy with guitar and work haven't slept much this week and that I was sorry if i seemed edgy I just needed a good nights rest but then she would just not talk for like 1 minute and then tell me the same thing and I would reply I am fine, just tired! 

Head -> Wall


----------



## UnderTheSign

Just thought I'd put this here.


----------



## Mr Violence

Nile said:


> I think I'm honestly done with life. I'm sorry but what the fuck. I seriously fucking hate her for the lieing cheating asshole she is but my other half still knows she is just the best person I will literally ever meet, her personality is just so fucking close to mine. She has cheated on me like 3 times (not sexually ever), lies to me constantly, is never a talker so never talks to anyone about any problems so I think she is just going off on me so much because of that too. GODFUCKINGDAMMIT
> 
> To quit even shaking I cut myself multiple times on the upper part of my left arm, enough to where It was probably around a 6x5 inch square of just blood where the cuts were not counting the run off. This is all because I have no one to talk to so this is the only thing to help. I'm not an adult yet, only 17 just 2 months ago, so I probably can't handle this kind of shit like an adult could.



Hey fella, life gets better. I promise. I understand you're upset, but anyone that can do any of that to you is not even REMOTELY "the best person [you] will literally ever meet". The way you described her, she's obsessive, abusive, controlling, and sociopathic. It DOES NOT MATTER how good she CAN be, because she doesn't seem to do it nearly enough.

You have my word, you will find someone that will treat you much better than that.


But that brings me to my main point: Your happiness should NEVER rely on someone else. You need to be happy with yourself before you can be in a relationship. There are literally millions of girls out there. Not all of them are terrible. Some of them aren't even half bad. You should never ever be driven to such extents by another human. You are you and you should be proud of everything you are. You have so much more to experience than to let some bitch put you in the state your in now. You have the whole world in front of you. You can't let one person make you feel like this.





Also, we're not psychiatrists here. I don't approve of cutting and suicidal and don't think anyone should ever do it. You should absolutely stop. If you are having urges like that and cannot control yourself, I strongly suggest you seek professional help. Not trying to be condescending or make jokes. That's a serious issue along with the suicidal thoughts. It does not help anything and it does not relieve stress.


----------



## Nile

Mr Violence said:


> Hey fella, life gets better. I promise. I understand you're upset, but anyone that can do any of that to you is not even REMOTELY "the best person [you] will literally ever meet". The way you described her, she's obsessive, abusive, controlling, and sociopathic. It DOES NOT MATTER how good she CAN be, because she doesn't seem to do it nearly enough.
> 
> You have my word, you will find someone that will treat you much better than that.
> 
> 
> But that brings me to my main point: Your happiness should NEVER rely on someone else. You need to be happy with yourself before you can be in a relationship. There are literally millions of girls out there. Not all of them are terrible. Some of them aren't even half bad. You should never ever be driven to such extents by another human. You are you and you should be proud of everything you are. You have so much more to experience than to let some bitch put you in the state your in now. You have the whole world in front of you. You can't let one person make you feel like this.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Also, we're not psychiatrists here. I don't approve of cutting and suicidal and don't think anyone should ever do it. You should absolutely stop. If you are having urges like that and cannot control yourself, I strongly suggest you seek professional help. Not trying to be condescending or make jokes. That's a serious issue along with the suicidal thoughts. It does not help anything and it does not relieve stress.


 
Well actually she wasn't like this before until she met this one extremely controlling asshole like 9 months ago, shit just turned upside down.


----------



## avenger

Nile said:


> Well actually she wasn't like this before until she met this one extremely controlling asshole like 9 months ago, shit just turned upside down.


Hey man, don't get down and if you do get back up. There are so many great girls out there, don't get hung up over one who makes your life a living hell.

Go out, be yourself, love yourself and you will meet a great girl.


----------



## Mr Violence

Nile said:


> Well actually she wasn't like this before until she met this one extremely controlling asshole like 9 months ago, shit just turned upside down.



This may sound a bit harsh, duder, but she's choosing to act that way. No one can make you act any certain way. You always choose. And she's choosing to be a flaming cunt.

Trust all of us. One person is never worth getting this upset over. For every person who disrespects you, there's one out there that will genuinely give a shit about you.

Put this in your past. Leave the shit that makes you feel that badly in the past and never look back. There's too much good shit in the world to get this down. Especially at your age, you've got so much potential.


----------



## Murmel

Murmel just manned the fuck up and asked his beloved lady friend if she wants to hang out tomorrow. Only took 8 months


----------



## Cadavuh

My 3 year relationship just ended today O_O.


----------



## Asrial

... And I'm pretty much in a relationship now. Been in Florence for a week, and meanwhile, my flirt and I chatted over skype, she confessed, and now I'm just waiting for my plane back to Denmark, and seal the deal. Or simpler said: I got a girl!

Damn I miss her, gonna be sweet to be with her again. =)


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Whoa, K. I had an insane week. It involved 3 girls - one being a blind date (I know, who the hell goes on blind dates anymore?), one having a (now-ex) boyfriend, and the other being my ex. One of them now hates me and knows all about the other two, one of them is officially with me as of 6 AM today, and the other one has absolutely _no idea_ about anything that's going on  I'd really like to try and explain this, but it'd be long-winded and I don't even know where to start... I've traditionally been quite adept at _not_ getting myself into these kinds of situations, but all I know is that at the beginning of the week, I hadn't had much in the ways of women since about April or May and by mid-week, I was sort of juggling 3 girls at once, but I was able to act swiftly and decisively enough to bring it down to just the one as of this morning, and couldn't be happier with my decision!


----------



## Murmel

Just got back from my hanging out thing mentioned earlier. It was great, we just talked about pretty much everything for like 6 hours, then I managed to miss my last bus home, but I could stay with her over the night. We had a good time, even though I was nervous as fuck for some reason before, but I always get nervous when I'm gonna hang out with people I usually don't 

I was afraid her parents were gonna think I'm some random creep that just wants to fuck their daughter, they didn't know I was staying over the night  But they were totally cool.

This was just a friends thing btw, I don't she has any other intentions right now. She see's me as one of her best friends and I see her as one of my best too. I honestly didn't think much about how I felt for her while we were hanging out, except when that was the topic of course, which happened a few times. <- (love, not our feelings for eachother). So I'm kinda torn about how I feel.


----------



## tacotiklah

For those that have been burned by chicks/guys in the past, I give you a new meme. I call it "Corpsegrinder Dating Advice"


----------



## Nile

^


----------



## MFB

Welp, I have a case of foot-in-mouth syndrome I think  Friday I went and saw 50/50 with some friends and afterwards we were hanging out in the lobby since we haven't seen each other in a legitimate month. So we're talking and talking, and my buddy Will asks me if I was going out with this girl Tiffany who I talk to and am good friend with.

Now, I said no, and explained why. As I've said before, last Sept I met a girl and we quickly fell for each other then things got messy and it ended with me de-friending her online and deleting her number from my phone (still knew it by memory though). Now, me, this girl and Tiff had class together so we all knew each other, and given how things ended with girl #1, I felt like I was the biggest piece of shit there was and to date anyone else after doing something low like that would be a betrayal on her part; so even thought I really did like Tiffany at the time, and even had a chance to tell her when me, her and another friend went to a hockey game together (as well as she almost went to a wedding with me), I never did because of the aforementioned reason.

But NOW? Well, know I know girl #1 was actually playing me and had a guy on the side, so I'm livid that I never did anything and wasted time being a fool.

Back to the present - so I told him no, and that we just talk a lot and are good friends etc... and that if she was single and we were able to see each other more, I definitely would since I did already fall once and was an idiot for thinking I could get girl #1 back when I should've moved on. Eerily enough, I posted a status on FB kind of bragging and she left me a comment and we're talking right now; so what do I do? Well naturally a little creepin' because I have her hidden from my feed due to posting a fuckton of videos as statuses which annoys me  

Turns out, her and her boyfriend split (presumably because of distance, him being in NY) and all I could think was "This has got to be a fucking test to see if I'll nut up or shut up" which I may very well accept. I do have a birthday gift to get her for next month, so that'll kind of get me back in, and she's supposed to come back and visit me at school so who knows.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Go for it brah, just don't be her rebound.


----------



## tacotiklah

For whatever reason, I've been thinking of my ex-fiancee today and just how horribly naive I am when it comes to trusting other people. I trust people as if everybody in the world is worth trusting. Then I get burned and have that retarded moment of "well why the hell did I see THAT coming? dur-hur". 

So my next corpsegrinder dating advice meme I have is dedicated to my psycho ex-fiancee that dropped my credit score to 500....:


----------



## MFB

We've been talking more and more, and she was talking about getting me something for Christmas even though I pretty much forbid friends from getting me gifts pretty much always. I told her even though I'm getting her something for her birthday, she will be getting me nothing and like it.

I'm actually glad to be talking like we are and I think I might try to get her to come out one night with us when we go to the movies


----------



## SnowfaLL

lol ah i dont like posting in this thread, esp since my name is my screenname so not like I can hide lol Ohh well, I'll keep it brief/not too descriptive.

Ever have the feeling that even though you pretty much ended something, you may have made a mistake in doing so? Ive been dating a girl off and on for 5 years now, but I never really committed to it. we got off on a rocky start the first 5 months so it took afew years to build back trust and stuff, but overally shes probably the most sincere, considerate and nicest girl ive ever dated, maybe like top 5 of nicest people ive ever met. So in that sense, its dissapointing cause I have some trust issues and usually assume the worst in people's personalities until they prove otherwise lol. You don't come across such considerate people everyday.

The problems were many, but nothing really bad. Honestly, the main issue/concern I had with taking it steps further, was that we had very little in common (my pastimes are basically food, football/sports, starcraft) but especially musically. Obviously im pretty obsessed with music, its all I talk about and think about basically 24/7.. and shes a fan of music but just like an everyday person, not like us. When we would hang out, since we had nothing else in common really I would fall back on talking about music stuff (bands or gear or etc) and she would just agree and shit but never really contributed much, so in my mind Im thinking shes just putting up with my music talk cause shes considerate, and I doubt she could care less about it all.. Shes not big into jazz/fusion/instrumental music either, which is basically all I listen to, so thats dissapointing. The only band she ever said she flat out didnt like, happens to be my fav of all time, TSQUARE.. lol there goes 2 hours of every day!

So yea.. When I dream about a potential partner/wife.. I always think how amazingly awesome it would be to be with a musician.. Not only playing shows and touring together, but just every day you can talk about music all day or if nothing to talk about, just jam. Im so jealous of couples who have that; going to music college there were afew couples who met there. Sounds like paradise to me. This girl wasnt going to provide that, even though she was super nice as a person.

The chance im taking though, ending with someone I generally enjoy being with and actually could live with without wanting to kill her, someone who I don't have to take care of or clean up after, is that even if I met a musician, its unlikely they will have all that unless I get super lucky (not likely lol) - The other 4 girls I dated didnt even come close to her, and they wern't musicians either!

Like I said, there were afew other issues but nothing really worth mentioning. Earlier this year we just stopped talking as much and also with the distance being 4 hours away since I moved home, she kinda got to the point of "be more committed or I gotta move on" - and I thought really hard about it but in the end, I knew in my heart the only reason I'd move in with her is to move back to Halifax, which I love solely for the music, but I didnt actually want to stay with her longterm. Since July, we talked like twice and just afew weeks ago I just said flat out I think I need to date a musician to be 100% happy, and obviously she hasnt responded back since lol I'll be moving back to that city asap, but only for the music. Halifax Canada is just the best musical community, I really love it/recommend it.. 

So the point of my rambling; I feel kinda shitty cause I kinda doubt i'l ever meet someone as nice and considerate and kind as her again.. but I know I have to take the chance if I want to find that perfect situation of dating a musician.. Rough choice, but correct one.. maybe?? Im hoping so, no turning back now lol but I'll always second guess myself til I meet someone new I guess.

oh well.. positive outlook on future! just have my "off" days where I wonder.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

It sounds to me like you need to change your way of thinking about people, and life in general. I think you've painted yourself into an untenable corner by being so specific about what you want out of a partner. You are probably right, in that the chance of finding your dream girl is very slim. The solution is to change your thinking. The good news is that there are over 3 billion human females in the world. The bad news is, most of them aren't in love with music, and if that is your biggest requirement, I would suggest that you are going to be looking for a long, long time.

I believe that, contrary to popular belief, it is better to be with someone with whom you don't share many interests. Obviously there needs to be some common ground, but having personality traits and interests in common is, in my opinion, vastly over-rated.


----------



## SnowfaLL

HaMMerHeD said:


> It sounds to me like you need to change your way of thinking about people, and life in general. I think you've painted yourself into an untenable corner by being so specific about what you want out of a partner. You are probably right, in that the chance of finding your dream girl is very slim. The solution is to change your thinking. The good news is that there are over 3 billion human females in the world. The bad news is, most of them aren't in love with music, and if that is your biggest requirement, I would suggest that you are going to be looking for a long, long time.
> 
> I believe that, contrary to popular belief, it is better to be with someone with whom you don't share many interests. Obviously there needs to be some common ground, but having personality traits and interests in common is, in my opinion, vastly over-rated.



well I disagree with you on that; I think if you really value something more than most other things, you make it work regardless. If looks/sex was all you cared about, you wouldnt date someone whos ugly; in the same vein Music is that important to me, that I honestly rather be single than date someone who hated music; so for me to be around anyone for any extended period of time, they need to be a musician or musically-interested at this point. Just how I feel =[ I actually dont even really have any close friends who are not musicians anymore, cause I dont enjoy just "hanging out" drinking or getting stoned all night long like my old friends do. I personally think its a waste of time, but my priorities are different than most people (especially at my age of 23)


----------



## Murmel

Hectic day today.

The girl I've been talking about sometimes in here, that I've been into for about 9 months now told me today that she's got something going with one of my other friends. He's also one of her best friends, I've known that the dude has been in love with her for pretty much as long as me, and we're great friends all 3.

I really appreciate what she did, I feel like a huge motherfucking boulder has been lifted from my heart. I feel surprisingly good about it all for some reason


----------



## Cheesebuiscut

Murmel said:


> Hectic day today.
> 
> The girl I've been talking about sometimes in here, that I've been into for about 9 months now told me today that she's got something going with one of my other friends. He's also one of her best friends, I've known that the dude has been in love with her for pretty much as long as me, and we're great friends all 3.
> 
> I really appreciate what she did, I feel like a huge motherfucking boulder has been lifted from my heart. I feel surprisingly good about it all for some reason



You're just happy for the potential opportunity to have a 3sum.


----------



## Murmel

Cheesebuiscut said:


> You're just happy for the potential opportunity to have a 3sum.



Considering how she is not comfortable at all with physical contact except for people she's really close with, and very secret about sex and stuff, I doubt it 
Hopefully shit can just roll on though, she's one of my best friends and I really don't want to lose her, she basically told me half-crying today that hopefully things will still be as they used to.


----------



## Cheesebuiscut

You two guys are best friends though, why can't you share her? 

Well at least you handle things well. My love life is completely freaking dead at 21. I at my age walk around with the mindset of an old married man not giving a shit so you can imagine how little I care about such things.


----------



## Murmel

No, me and the dude aren't best friends. Me and the girl is  I'm just friends with the guy.


----------



## Cheesebuiscut

Well it would create a strong bond between you two sharing like that.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

So...I'm a Sophomore in highschool, my girlfriend is a Sophomore in college...win??


----------



## Nile

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> So...I'm a Sophomore in highschool, my girlfriend is a Sophomore in college...win??


Maybe, till you get some of those older jackoffs hitting on her.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

I'm 6"2, 210. Not many people try.


----------



## Joeywilson

SS.org help me pl0x. I'm really into this thousand pretty red head at the coffee shop by our jam space. I'm pretty sure she likes me, she always fumbles and drops my change and always knows I want coffee before I even get in the line-up but I dunno. My problem is how to talk to her, it's always 7000 busy whenever I get the chance to go in (lunch-ish) so theres no oppertune moment to ask her for her number or anything. What-do?


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

Be spontaneous! Go now, in the morning, later in the evening, slip her a note, or something. But do it today. Carpe diem, my friend.


----------



## Joeywilson

Captain Shoggoth said:


> Be spontaneous! Go now, in the morning, later in the evening, slip her a note, or something. But do it today. Carpe diem, my friend.



But thats the thing, she only seems to work on days that I have band practice. I'm in that area a lot and shes never there unfortunatly. I've thought about asking some of the other people who work there about her but I don't want to seem creepy. Is that creepy?

I think I'll have to be really creative or something. She always looks at my tattoos (I think) so maybe I'll write 'you're pretty' or something on my knuckles. Good/bad idea?


----------



## Mr Violence

Just play it cool, man. Make small talk; ask her what she does when she's not working there. You don't _have_ to be really creative.

Don't be nervous and you'll do fine! The worst thing that could happen is she shuts you down, which isn't a huge deal.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

In the middle of a hectic morning, tell her she's doing a great job, and that she looks great too.

Then the next day, say something else. If she's wearing a name tag, address her by name.

Just fire up a dialog of some kind. It doesn't have to be long or meaningful. A few seconds, a few words, and that's it. You just need to plant the seed, make her think about you for longer than you are in front of her.


----------



## Joeywilson

Mr Violence said:


> Just play it cool, man. Make small talk; ask her what she does when she's not working there. You don't _have_ to be really creative.
> 
> Don't be nervous and you'll do fine! The worst thing that could happen is she shuts you down, which isn't a huge deal.



tru dat, thanks guys!


----------



## Joeywilson

HaMMerHeD said:


> In the middle of a hectic morning, tell her she's doing a great job, and that she looks great too.
> 
> Then the next day, say something else. If she's wearing a name tag, address her by name.
> 
> Just fire up a dialog of some kind. It doesn't have to be long or meaningful. A few seconds, a few words, and that's it. You just need to plant the seed, make her think about you for longer than you are in front of her.



no name tag  I will do that though!


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Alright, so now that the dust has settled on my situation, I'll go into what exactly happened. 

Girl #1: About a week before everything went down, I met girl #1. She's friends with both of my roommates and was over just hanging out with them. I get home from school and she proceeds to hit on me, and very obviously at that. My roommates inform me that she has a boyfriend, so I think "no big deal, nothing's going to happen", because I'm not the type to step into other people's shit. If a girl is taken, she's taken, and as persistent as she can be, I've always been able to turn them down.

Fast-forward one week, to a Friday. I'm going out to a bar with a bunch of friends, and one of my friends texts my roommate to come because he's into her. She agrees, but decides to invite girl #1 in order to not be the only girl there. So we go out to the bar, have a few drinks, and within about an hour, this girl has her legs between mine, being flirty as hell. She knows I have a date coming up on Sunday night (2 days later) and starts acting really jealous. My roommate leaves, and it becomes my responsibility to walk this girl home. She immediately asks to come back to my place instead, and I tell her quite bluntly that I won't sleep with her. She says OK, and that I've got more self-control than her. We leave, quite drunk, not long after. Again, as we're passing my apartment, she asks me to bring to bring her to my place instead of hers. I'm drunk and she's hot, and at this point, I'm thinking that if she wants to cheat on her boyfriend that badly, fuck it. So I cave in and take her to my place. We sleep together and I sneak her out in the morning because my roommates know her boyfriend as well. Later that day, she sends me a message telling me to let her know how the date goes, and that she's nervous about it. IMO, she has no business getting into my business the way she is, considering she has a boyfriend, and that she was the one who instigated everything. Not that I'm saying I'm not guilty of anything...

Girl #2: The blind date. My other roommate just randomly sets me up with a friend of hers, who she's apparently wanted me to meet for two years, but she's been in a relationship the whole time, and she's just recently become single. I meet her at a subway station and we go and grab something to eat at a Japanese restaurant. I was nervous as hell because I had no idea what to expect. Incidentally, she ended up being gorgeous, and we hit it off immediately. We go to a bar after dinner, where we sit and talk until 3 in the morning. We walk back to my place, where I offer her a lift home. She accepts, I take her to her place, and get back to my place at 4:30. It's then that I realize I just spent over 10 hours talking to a girl I met for the first time.

Girl #3: My ex. I had plans with her for about a month to go to the Ben Harper show on the Tuesday. I get the impression that the reason she asked me to go with her is because a couple of years ago when we were together, it was after a Ben Harper show that I told her I loved her for the first time. Was she trying to rekindle something? I don't know, but she spends the evening in my arms anyway, and we part ways with a kiss on the cheek. The reasons things didn't work with her are still relevant, but maybe she's getting over them. I've already got a situation going on with two other girls, and I don't know what to make of her.

Jump to the next day, which is Wednesday. I have my second date with girl #2. We grab a slice of pizza and walk around the city for a bit. I take her back to my apartment to see the roommate that set us up, because they actually hadn't seen each other in a long time and had done all of their correspondence over facebook. Who's over hanging out with my roommates? Girl #1. She's pissed. I take girl #2, who has no idea about it, to my room. I get a text when girl #1 is leaving, so I go and say goodbye. She pulls me into the kitchen, and exclaims that it looks like "I've made my choice", and she says "but it's ok, I just want you to be happy. Just don't expect anything from me again", which seems a little strange, because not only was she the one expecting something, but that she was the one in a relationship. Anyway, I go back to girl #2. We have an amazing night together. We don't get a wink of sleep, just making out and talking. I make us breakfast, and we walk to school together. She invites me over to her place for that night, where we have an insanely passionate night. We spend the next couple of nights together, and eventually make it official. Then less than a week later, we're in bed at her place and I'm checking my phone. She's got her head on my chest, and can see exactly what I see. I have a message from girl #1 (who is now single), asking why I'm not home, and that I should be there with her, celebrating my roommate's birthday. So needless to say, I explain the situation to my girlfriend, which she's surprisingly understanding of, I'm sure because in all fairness, this all happened before I met her. A couple of days later, at a friend's birthday thing, they see each other, and I swear, the looks they're shooting each other are terrifying! Then yesterday, I finally talk to girl #3 about what happened because I felt bad about having the night we had together at the show, and because I'm sure she'd heard from mutual friends (we have many) that I was with another girl. She was also completely understanding, which was awesome, but in all fairness again, I had only met the girl I'm with now once, and nothing had happened between us yet.

So after all that, I'm finally left with the greatest girl I've ever met. The situation could have been a little more simple, but I couldn't be happier with the outcome


----------



## BucketheadRules

^ Nicely done man 

Be happy, fuck knows you should be


----------



## tacotiklah

Ok, so just when I think I have that girl out of my head, she randomly txts me again, and I've again turned to mush and am all nice and lovey dovey with her. Again.

Please guys. Just put me out of my misery......


----------



## Joeywilson

ghstofperdition said:


> Ok, so just when I think I have that girl out of my head, she randomly txts me again, and I've again turned to mush and am all nice a lovey dovey with her. Again.
> 
> Please guys. Just put me out of my misery......



blocknumber!


----------



## Murmel

^
That shit has happened to me so many times, you think you're over them, but you aren't


----------



## tacotiklah

Joeywilson said:


> blocknumber!


 I won't LET myself. I think I'm really a glutton for misery....



I may be turning emo. You guys would pull the plug on me if that happens right? I'll put that in a will somewhere...


----------



## Mr Violence

ghstofperdition said:


> I won't LET myself. I think I'm really a glutton for misery....
> 
> 
> 
> I may be turning emo. You guys would pull the plug on me if that happens right? I'll put that in a will somewhere...



Show her she has no power over you. She's got you in the palm of her hand.

Gotta force yourself to stop.



I know firsthand that it's easier said than done, but fuck bitches, man.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

It's hard to say no to something you want, even when you know it's poisonous. After more than a decade of crucifying myself over how I felt about a particular woman, and all the things I did to forget about how I felt, and denying that every day I saw her was another nail in my hands, I have found a small amount of peace by simply closing that chapter and looking forward.

Of course, there's nothing ahead of me to really focus on, so it's not entirely comforting, but it is better. History is not a valid model for the future, but it can be a good predictor. It is best left in the past.


----------



## tacotiklah

Like any good musician, Ima play this by ear and try not to fret too much..... *rimshot*

I'm too happy with my current financial successes to let her get me down at the moment. I'm finally getting my shit together in a lot of ways, and I'm at a point where if she wants to be a part of my life, it will be on my terms or not at all. Part of those terms would be to get off the pot and fucking move out here like she's been saying for the last 2-3 years.


----------



## SwampAshSpecial

:/

Got this whole, bad situation with my best friend atm where I really like her and the feeling isn't exactly reciprocated... fair enough, I can deal with that, given time - there's nothing to be done. The problem is she keeps taking steps to remove aspects from our relationship cause she's worried about hurting me - like, we're going to a play with my school on Thursday evening, so we agreed we'd get dinner together first. Nothing formal or anything, just something quick and small to eat... now she's coming up with excuses for not doing that cause she's worried its too much like a date, and I have to convince her its not a date and we both know that and blah blah blah... and stuff like this is always happening. She's always telling me I shouldn't be complimenting her or whatever cause it'll make this whole thing harder - so as sweet as it is that she cares about my feelings and stuff I could really do with her just letting me deal with my problem on my own... but she feels guilty or something, so she feels like she has to help. Except of course she isn't helping 

Also, my ex, who dumped me like a month ago because she 'wasn't ready to be in a relationship right now' (cliched excuse I know but there generally was a lot of shit going on in her life...) just got a new boyfriend... well now I know that excuse was bollocks!


----------



## Mr Violence

SwampAshSpecial said:


> :/
> 
> Got this whole, bad situation with my best friend atm where I really like her and the feeling isn't exactly reciprocated... fair enough, I can deal with that, given time - there's nothing to be done. The problem is she keeps taking steps to remove aspects from our relationship cause she's worried about hurting me - like, we're going to a play with my school on Thursday evening, so we agreed we'd get dinner together first. Nothing formal or anything, just something quick and small to eat... now she's coming up with excuses for not doing that cause she's worried its too much like a date, and I have to convince her its not a date and we both know that and blah blah blah... and stuff like this is always happening. She's always telling me I shouldn't be complimenting her or whatever cause it'll make this whole thing harder - so as sweet as it is that she cares about my feelings and stuff I could really do with her just letting me deal with my problem on my own... but she feels guilty or something, so she feels like she has to help. Except of course she isn't helping
> 
> Also, my ex, who dumped me like a month ago because she 'wasn't ready to be in a relationship right now' (cliched excuse I know but there generally was a lot of shit going on in her life...) just got a new boyfriend... well now I know that excuse was bollocks!



Hey buddy. I was just in a similar situation with a girl who's a friend of mine. We hang out a WHOLE lot and I've always kinda had a thing for her. So I just up and told her about it. She told me she could feel the same way but doesn't know what it means yet. So I just backed off. We still hang out a bunch though. Just make sure she knows you're not losing sleep over it. It's actually a pretty good thing that she's that worried about you. Even if it's as a friend, she genuinely cares about you.

Just go with the flow, let her know it's not a big deal.



The other situation is terribly familiar to me too. My ex broke up with me because she was moving to California in August. Except about a month after we broke up, she got a new boyfriend and hasn't moved to California yet. Bitch. Also, after that happened, she got into some trouble and who does she call for help? Me. I told her to fuck off and have a nice life.

They always come up with some bullshit. Can't man up. Whatever. If she did that, she's not worth your time anyways. Don't sweat her. 


Some of them are just straight bitches. C'est la vie. It gets better though. No worries.


----------



## SwampAshSpecial

Mr Violence said:


> Hey buddy. I was just in a similar situation with a girl who's a friend of mine. We hang out a WHOLE lot and I've always kinda had a thing for her. So I just up and told her about it. She told me she could feel the same way but doesn't know what it means yet. So I just backed off. We still hang out a bunch though. Just make sure she knows you're not losing sleep over it. It's actually a pretty good thing that she's that worried about you. Even if it's as a friend, she genuinely cares about you.
> 
> Just go with the flow, let her know it's not a big deal.
> 
> 
> 
> The other situation is terribly familiar to me too. My ex broke up with me because she was moving to California in August. Except about a month after we broke up, she got a new boyfriend and hasn't moved to California yet. Bitch. Also, after that happened, she got into some trouble and who does she call for help? Me. I told her to fuck off and have a nice life.
> 
> They always come up with some bullshit. Can't man up. Whatever. If she did that, she's not worth your time anyways. Don't sweat her.
> 
> 
> Some of them are just straight bitches. C'est la vie. It gets better though. No worries.



Cheers for the advice dude! Its weird where you can find help... I saw some random question about the first thing on Misha Mansoor's facebook (weird I know  ) and he said something along the lines of don't let yourself get tunnelvision'd - which I guess I have... so I need to look elsewhere... problem is sure I'm a nice guy I guess, but I don't really think I'm particularly attractive - and the long hair definitely doesn't help 

So I dunno what to do really... gotta find a way of getting over her if I'm not gonna sabotage most of my close friendships at the moment...


----------



## misingonestring

So last thursday near the end of one of my classes, this one girl randomly asks me to be her boyfriend, she's kind of cute and all that...

but..... she's fucking annoying because she's one of those kinds of people who talks and acts like a black person plus she's not the best student in that class, she's almost always late and fucks around like everyone else (besides me), singing these horrible rap songs about weed and shit like that.

I didn't reject her (she asked me not to) nor did I accept so what do yous guys think?


----------



## HaMMerHeD

misingonestring said:


> So last thursday near the end of one of my classes, this one girl randomly asks me to be her boyfriend, she's kind of cute and all that...
> 
> but..... she's fucking annoying because she's one of those kinds of people who talks and acts like a black person plus she's not the best student in that class, she's almost always late and fucks around like everyone else (besides me), singing these horrible rap songs about weed and shit like that.
> 
> I didn't reject her (she asked me not to) nor did I accept so what do yous guys think?



Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it?


----------



## leandroab

misingonestring said:


> So last thursday near the end of one of my classes, this one girl randomly asks me to be her boyfriend, she's kind of cute and all that...
> 
> but..... she's fucking annoying because she's one of those kinds of people who talks and acts like a black person plus she's not the best student in that class, she's almost always late and fucks around like everyone else (besides me), singing these horrible rap songs about weed and shit like that.
> 
> I didn't reject her (she asked me not to) nor did I accept so what do yous guys think?





HaMMerHeD said:


> Seems pretty obvious, doesn't it?



Bang the shit outta her, then reject her.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

leandroab said:


> Bang the shit outta her, then reject her.


----------



## avenger

leandroab said:


> Bang the shit outta her, then reject her.


and write a rap song about it


----------



## Joeywilson

HaMMerHeD said:


> In the middle of a hectic morning, tell her she's doing a great job, and that she looks great too.
> 
> Then the next day, say something else. If she's wearing a name tag, address her by name.
> 
> Just fire up a dialog of some kind. It doesn't have to be long or meaningful. A few seconds, a few words, and that's it. You just need to plant the seed, make her think about you for longer than you are in front of her.



Went in with the intention of asking her out but she wasn't working today. I ended up asking one of the other people who work there about her and apparently shes into me (I geuss enough for her co-workers to recognize me). They told me shes working on Wednesday next so I geuss thats when I'll ask her out. Incidently thats the night before my band opens for the Crush em' all II tour and we'll be doing some last minute rehersing. 

Needless to say, very stoked on this week.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Joeywilson said:


> Went in with the intention of asking her out but she wasn't working today. I ended up asking one of the other people who work there about her and apparently shes into me (I geuss enough for her co-workers to recognize me). They told me shes working on Wednesday next so I geuss thats when I'll ask her out. Incidently thats the night before my band opens for the Crush em' all II tour and we'll be doing some last minute rehersing.
> 
> Needless to say, very stoked on this week.



Well done.


----------



## Joeywilson

HaMMerHeD said:


> Well done.



Thank you sir


----------



## Cadavuh

Motherfuckingpissasscocksuckerbitchfuckingmotherfucker. Fucking women...


----------



## leandroab

Joeywilson said:


> Went in with the intention of asking her out but she wasn't working today. I ended up asking one of the other people who work there about her and apparently shes into me (I geuss enough for her co-workers to recognize me). They told me shes working on Wednesday next so I geuss thats when I'll ask her out. Incidently thats the night before my band opens for the Crush em' all II tour and we'll be doing some last minute rehersing.
> 
> Needless to say, very stoked on this week.



Awesome dude! 



Cadavuh said:


> Motherfuckingpissasscocksuckerbitchfuckingmotherfucker. Fucking women...




Awesome dude! 


So my *MOM* met a mother and a daughter at a concert a couple of days ago. They met and started small talking and then started talking about their children, that's when my mom showed them a picture of me. She told me that the girl gasped and said "omg he's gorgeous" and kept staring at the phone for some 5 seconds hahaha. So my mom snapped a couple of pictures of her and sent me with the subject "your new girlfriend"  I'm like "Wtf?"

So they exchanged facebook and email. I've been IMing her for the past three days. So far she's cute, into comics (i'm not), into games (hell yes), funny as hell, looks hot (didn't get to see her full budy in a picture though which is weird haha) and she's 17 but still a junior in highschool (I'm 20 so this _kinda_ bothers me _a little._

As my love life has been nonexistent for the past months due to college and other shit I said "fuck it" and I'm probably asking her out to the movies or some light "first date" shiz. Watcha guys think? 

PS: GO MOM


----------



## avenger

The thing I would be concerned about is if you bang her/reject her/kill her with a rock, your mom knowing her mom could have terrible outcome.

You might get into a war with a triad of women... *gasp*


----------



## Ibanezsam4

> So my *MOM* met a mother and a daughter at a concert a couple of days ago. They met and started small talking and then started talking about their children, that's when my mom showed them a picture of me. She told me that the girl gasped and said "omg he's gorgeous" and kept staring at the phone for some 5 seconds hahaha. So my mom snapped a couple of pictures of her and sent me with the subject "your new girlfriend"  I'm like "Wtf?"
> 
> So they exchanged facebook and email. I've been IMing her for the past three days. So far she's cute, into comics (i'm not), into games (hell yes), funny as hell, looks hot (didn't get to see her full budy in a picture though which is weird haha) and she's 17 but still a junior in highschool (I'm 20 so this _kinda_ bothers me _a little._
> 
> As my love life has been nonexistent for the past months due to college and other shit I said "fuck it" and I'm probably asking her out to the movies or some light "first date" shiz. Watcha guys think?
> 
> PS: GO MOM



1) your mother is awesome. my mom tried to keep me away from girls for the longest time 

2) if she has a good maturity level i say it can work. i always thought a girl 2 years younger than me was too young.. but i've been with one for over a year now and i cant complain


----------



## UnderTheSign

leandroab said:


> So my *MOM* met a mother and a daughter at a concert a couple of days ago. They met and started small talking and then started talking about their children, that's when my mom showed them a picture of me. She told me that the girl gasped and said "omg he's gorgeous" and kept staring at the phone for some 5 seconds hahaha. So my mom snapped a couple of pictures of her and sent me with the subject "your new girlfriend"  I'm like "Wtf?"
> 
> So they exchanged facebook and email. I've been IMing her for the past three days. So far she's cute, into comics (i'm not), into games (hell yes), funny as hell, looks hot (didn't get to see her full budy in a picture though which is weird haha) and she's 17 but still a junior in highschool (I'm 20 so this _kinda_ bothers me _a little._
> 
> As my love life has been nonexistent for the past months due to college and other shit I said "fuck it" and I'm probably asking her out to the movies or some light "first date" shiz. Watcha guys think?
> 
> PS: GO MOM


Remember bro, half your age plus seven, the global age rule! As long as she turns 18 before you turn 21, you're all right


----------



## leandroab

avenger said:


> The thing I would be concerned about is if you bang her/reject her/kill her with a rock, your mom knowing her mom could have terrible outcome.
> 
> You might get into a war with a triad of women... *gasp*


 
They might be with the Illuminati! 



Ibanezsam4 said:


> 1) your mother is awesome. my mom tried to keep me away from girls for the longest time
> 
> 2) if she has a good maturity level i say it can work. i always thought a girl 2 years younger than me was too young.. but i've been with one for over a year now and i cant complain



1) Yes, I would never expect that from her. That really surprised me.
2) Yeah at first I thought 3 years was kinda too much, but it's actually not. The thing is that we have 2 different worlds (college/highschool) and that is what kinda bothers me.



UnderTheSign said:


> Remember bro, half your age plus seven, the global age rule! As long as she turns 18 before you turn 21, you're all right



Yes, I'm in accordance with the global age rule. I'm not sure what you mean by me having 21, I would guess it has to do with drinking age. Here it's 18  And her birthday (according to the almighty facebook) is 2 months after mine...

She said she doesn't like to drink that much, but I'm pretty sure that will change quickly when she college starts.


----------



## Cadavuh

Fucking SS.org, what do I do? My relationship of 3 years ended almost 2 weeks ago. I was heartbroken to say the least. She thinks we need time apart to grow on our own. The thing is, she may want to get back together. But, if we do, and I find out shes slept with someone else while we have been broken up, it would change everything, I wouldn't be able to handle it. If I knew it was over for good, it wouldn't bother me as much for self-explanatory reasons. But the thought of us getting back together while the thought of her fucking someone else in the mean time is driving me absolutely bananas. I'm not sure how long I can handle it before giving her an ultimatum.


----------



## leandroab

Cadavuh said:


> Fucking SS.org, what do I do? My relationship of 3 years ended almost 2 weeks ago. I was heartbroken to say the least. She thinks we need time apart to grow on our own. The thing is, she may want to get back together. But, if we do, and I find out shes slept with someone else while we have been broken up, it would change everything, I wouldn't be able to handle it. If I knew it was over for good, it wouldn't bother me as much for self-explanatory reasons. But the thought of us getting back together while the thought of her fucking someone else in the mean time is driving me absolutely bananas. I'm not sure how long I can handle it before giving her an ultimatum.



Just repeat what you said here to her. Or you guys break up for good, or agree to be susceptible to other people in the mean time.


----------



## Mr Violence

Cadavuh said:


> Fucking SS.org, what do I do? My relationship of 3 years ended almost 2 weeks ago. I was heartbroken to say the least. She thinks we need time apart to grow on our own. The thing is, she may want to get back together. But, if we do, and I find out shes slept with someone else while we have been broken up, it would change everything, I wouldn't be able to handle it. If I knew it was over for good, it wouldn't bother me as much for self-explanatory reasons. But the thought of us getting back together while the thought of her fucking someone else in the mean time is driving me absolutely bananas. I'm not sure how long I can handle it before giving her an ultimatum.



This situation has come up a million times in this thread.

There is no such thing as "just a break". It's over or you're together. That's all there is to it. It's really ideal to think you can take a break and come back to each other but it's just not how real life works.

Let her know that if she leaves, it's over with. That's all there is to it. I know it's not easy, but it's what has to be done.


----------



## Cadavuh

leandroab said:


> or agree to be susceptible to other people in the mean time.



Like the poster above me said, not possible.


----------



## leandroab

Cadavuh said:


> Like the poster above me said, not possible.



So it's a yes and no question. 1 and 0. Together or separated. Tell her that.


----------



## Cadavuh

Yea. The idea of her turning me down is oh so depressing.


----------



## tacotiklah

Ive come to the conclusion that I completely SUCK at relationships. Ive been taking this guy out on dates and its looking like Im making progress, then last night happened. Guy randomly starts hitting on me hard on facebook, txts me saying he wants to come over (by this point Im stoked, among other things), and wants me bad. Hell yeah, right? He shows up, we watch tv, cuddle and all that good shit. He sits up, tells me he cant go through with it and goes home. I have no game it seems and mindgames arent exclusively a female problem.....


----------



## The Reverend

ghstofperdition said:


> Ive come to the conclusion that I completely SUCK at relationships. Ive been taking this guy out on dates and its looking like Im making progress, then last night happened. Guy randomly starts hitting on me hard on facebook, txts me saying he wants to come over (by this point Im stoked, among other things), and wants me bad. Hell yeah, right? He shows up, we watch tv, cuddle and all that good shit. He sits up, tells me he cant go through with it and goes home. I have no game it seems and mindgames arent exclusively a female problem.....



BLUE BALLS.

How can a man do that to another man? That's fucked up. But yeah, have you talked to him at all today? Like has he sent you a text or something about what happened?


----------



## tacotiklah

The Reverend said:


> BLUE BALLS.
> 
> How can a man do that to another man? That's fucked up. But yeah, have you talked to him at all today? Like has he sent you a text or something about what happened?



Well in a nutshell he tried dating bi guys (he is gay) and they all cheated on him with women. He thinks bis in general are sluts. Great. Im trying to get with a biphobe. 

I know he likes me and whatnot but getting him to trust me is like getting Justin Bieber to write music worth listening to. :/


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Celebrity crushes are annoying. I feel like a six year old.


Just throwing that out there.


----------



## avenger

Cadavuh said:


> Like the poster above me said, not possible.


Just move on man. It will best for you AND her in the short term and long term.


----------



## Gamma362

So after being single now for the past 8 months I am relatively happy, its nice not having to spend money on someone and the lack of drama is worth it. It would be nice to be in a relationship right now, especially since im kind of into one of my friends that I used to really like, but that's a different story, im content right now at least. On the down side of all ofI this it really sucks not having been laid in 8 months.


----------



## Guitarmiester

Cadavuh said:


> Fucking SS.org, what do I do? My relationship of 3 years ended almost 2 weeks ago. I was heartbroken to say the least. She thinks we need time apart to grow on our own. The thing is, she may want to get back together. But, if we do, and I find out shes slept with someone else while we have been broken up, it would change everything, I wouldn't be able to handle it. If I knew it was over for good, it wouldn't bother me as much for self-explanatory reasons. But the thought of us getting back together while the thought of her fucking someone else in the mean time is driving me absolutely bananas. I'm not sure how long I can handle it before giving her an ultimatum.



Move on. When it gets to that point, the relationship turns into a one-way street. Keep your head up and keep yourself busy.


----------



## The Reverend

ghstofperdition said:


> Well in a nutshell he tried dating bi guys (he is gay) and they all cheated on him with women. He thinks bis in general are sluts. Great. Im trying to get with a biphobe.
> 
> I know he likes me and whatnot but getting him to trust me is like getting Justin Bieber to write music worth listening to. :/



That sounds like quite the impossible task. 

I guess the only thing you could do in this situation is try to build that trust.


----------



## tacotiklah

The Reverend said:


> That sounds like quite the impossible task.
> 
> I guess the only thing you could do in this situation is try to build that trust.


 
But the question that I'm still struggling with is:
Do I even want to bother? 

I mean, I just got emotionally trolled by this chick and my patience has worn pretty thin with the 'play hard to get' crap thanks to her. Before I found it sexy, but now I'm just tired of the charade, and want someone that has their shit together and is clear and concise on what they want. I hate the fact that I seem to manage to attract the craziest people.....


----------



## The Reverend

ghstofperdition said:


> But the question that I'm still struggling with is:
> Do I even want to bother?
> 
> I mean, I just got emotionally trolled by this chick and my patience has worn pretty thin with the 'play hard to get' crap thanks to her. Before I found it sexy, but now I'm just tired of the charade, and want someone that has their shit together and is clear and concise on what they want. I hate the fact that I seem to manage to attract the craziest people.....



I hear you, brother. I personally wouldn't put up with that shit. I know for me, the search for a girl with those some characteristics has proven to be an epic quest, the equivalent in video game terms of a 200+ hour main quest. but now that I'm making some headway, it seems well worth it. 

I doubt you needed me to tell you this, but holding out for the right guy or girl will always trump jumping to/stressing over what's currently available.


----------



## avenger

ghstofperdition said:


> But the question that I'm still struggling with is:
> Do I even want to bother?
> 
> I mean, I just got emotionally trolled by this chick and my patience has worn pretty thin with the 'play hard to get' crap thanks to her. Before I found it sexy, but now I'm just tired of the charade, and want someone that has their shit together and is clear and concise on what they want. I hate the fact that I seem to manage to attract the craziest people.....


Protip: They are all crazy.


----------



## USMarine75

ghstofperdition said:


> Well in a nutshell he tried dating bi guys (he is gay) and they all cheated on him with women. He thinks bis in general are sluts. Great. Im trying to get with a biphobe.
> 
> I know he likes me and whatnot but getting him to trust me is like getting Justin Bieber to write music worth listening to. :/


 
Next time drag that info out first... then you could have dropped some BS like "oh I just date chicks occassionally to please my mom but I prefer dudes blah blah blah now take your pants off" or some shit like that... play the game, don't let the game play you! 

But, I'm confused... did he already know you were bi before he came over? Because then he's just a cocktease... and I didn't know that was allowed... wtf even if you're bi you can't escape that shit?! I mean I was just drafting up a pro/con list for straight vs bi and I thought the idea of dating someone that can throw me up a 40 yard spiral, spot me when I lift, and teach me advanced guitar shit was kind of hot, but if you're telling me you can't escape that silly shit then what's the point... I guess I'll just continue with having to remember to pick up tampons on my way home and shit like that...


----------



## tacotiklah

Oh he knew beforehand. When we started the original get to know you chitchat, I mentioned that I liked gaming and that I liked the game bloodrayne. Reason being that the game is fun and she is hot as hell. He made me clarify what I meant and I told him I was bi. The date after that I further clarified and said that I shift between heteroflexible (mostly straight) and pansexual (completely gender blind). I dont like lying to people, and lying for sex just sickens me. So yeah, I possess no game.
Dont let this scare ya off and make ya throw out your list dude. Most guys (tgirls included. Yes they are women, but they still think like guys when it comes to sex.  ) are straightforward and dont mess around. I happened to have found one that was damaged goods. I wont elaborate here but the did some pretty nasty, fucked up shit and tore my guy up. Despite being hunted by religious crazies, being bi is actually kinda fun. Its like having mexican food one night and italian the next.


----------



## tacotiklah

Just wanted to clarify that it was one my guys exs that tore him up.


----------



## USMarine75

ghstofperdition said:


> I wont elaborate here but the did some pretty nasty, fucked up shit and tore my guy up.


 


ghstofperdition said:


> Just wanted to clarify that it was one my guys exs that tore him up.


 
Am I the only one that is wondering if you mean that emotionally or physically???


----------



## tacotiklah

Both actually. Abuse among other things was involved.


----------



## USMarine75

ghstofperdition said:


> Both actually. Abuse among other things was involved.


 
Meh... too much baggage... you have enough to worry about without dealing with that as well.


----------



## Cadavuh

Ok, so the 3 year relationship is over. Would still sleeping together be a bad idea? What is SS.orgs experience with this?


----------



## Justin Bailey

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> So...I'm a Sophomore in highschool, my girlfriend is a Sophomore in college...win??



It's just a countdown until she pulls the "I'm in college, I want to experience new things" card and leaves you.

Currently single for a year, havent gotten laid in a year, gotten to the point where I don't really care. I tend to wait for girls that sweep me off my feet rather than date around with girls I only half give a shit about. I just don't have the patience or confidence for that.


----------



## metal_sam14

Cadavuh said:


> Ok, so the 3 year relationship is over. Would still sleeping together be a bad idea? What is SS.orgs experience with this?



Very very bad idea. any attachment to Ex's = bad move 99% of the time

IMO


----------



## Asrial

Okay guys, I'm in dismay now.

Yesterday, I was been driven by my GF and her mother home to her and sleep over. Now, I have been warned by her that pretty much everyone in the family is either diabetic or ADHD-patients, and that due to both the mother being partially invalid and the father working 164 hours per 2 weeks (or around 16 hrs mon-fri with weekends off... wow) and being somewhat sloppy...

I'm from a, from what I consider, a pretty average family, we don't put too much into cleaning, BUT. Holy fuck, that was beyond my limit. I will not describe the mess, just point out 4 things:
1. The kitchen could be labelled with a "hazard"-stamp. It's far past Gordon-Ramsay-Throw-Up-Rage levels.
2. She walked into her 10 year old little sisters room... She returns after a minute and proceeds to wimper about a small piece of metal scrap being stuck up in her foot.
3. There's 3 dogs and 2 cats in their house, 2 dogs more than what I got at home. Due to my allergies, I found myself wheezing and getting all teary when I was inside because of the lack of removal of hairs.
4. Noone in the family gives a damn about it; everybody points fingers at the father, who already works his arse off, and waits for him to "finish the house". That might be an exaggaration of it, but that's how it's put. They claim they live in a building project.

I love my GF, I really do, but her home...
It's directly dangerous for me to be within her home, yet alone eat! I'm currently still trying to cleanse my airways, and I returned 2-3 hours ago. Would it be a douche-move to put up an ultimatum?


----------



## Joeywilson

HaMMerHeD said:


> Well done.



Aquired number, chatted until the wee hours of the morrning.


----------



## MFB

Asrial said:


> Okay guys, I'm in dismay now.
> 
> Yesterday, I was been driven by my GF and her mother home to her and sleep over. Now, I have been warned by her that pretty much everyone in the family is either diabetic or ADHD-patients, and that due to both the mother being partially invalid and the father working 164 hours per 2 weeks (or around 16 hrs mon-fri with weekends off... wow) and being somewhat sloppy...
> 
> I'm from a, from what I consider, a pretty average family, we don't put too much into cleaning, BUT. Holy fuck, that was beyond my limit. I will not describe the mess, just point out 4 things:
> 1. The kitchen could be labelled with a "hazard"-stamp. It's far past Gordon-Ramsay-Throw-Up-Rage levels.
> 2. She walked into her 10 year old little sisters room... She returns after a minute and proceeds to wimper about a small piece of metal scrap being stuck up in her foot.
> 3. There's 3 dogs and 2 cats in their house, 2 dogs more than what I got at home. Due to my allergies, I found myself wheezing and getting all teary when I was inside because of the lack of removal of hairs.
> 4. Noone in the family gives a damn about it; everybody points fingers at the father, who already works his arse off, and waits for him to "finish the house". That might be an exaggaration of it, but that's how it's put. They claim they live in a building project.
> 
> I love my GF, I really do, but her home...
> It's directly dangerous for me to be within her home, yet alone eat! I'm currently still trying to cleanse my airways, and I returned 2-3 hours ago. Would it be a douche-move to put up an ultimatum?



I'd say teach them how to clean first, and if they don't realize it's everyone house therefore everyone's responsibility to clean it, an ultimatum is perfectly acceptable. She can be right as right/the cat's meow/the bee's knees whatever you want, but if you can't go to her house because it literally pains you than that's not your fault.


----------



## Asrial

^I said to her that I would happily help her and her family out with cleaning anything needed... Now I got the rant of that she IS the mess, nothing can change that, that she feels more comfortable in her mess than in my house (That's pretty mixed, both understandable and "WTF"-inducing), and now she said that we should limit our relationship to only being after school and in breaks...

She has gone to bed now... Damn this is depressing.


----------



## tacotiklah

Id gtfo of that relationship in a hurry. How can she put effort into a relationship if she cant even put effort into tidying up? Run dude, run.


----------



## Asrial

I somehow find that mildly amusing, coming from a dude with a partially relevant courage wolf-signature.

The reason I'm not sprinting right now is:
1. She had a couple of very douchebaggy boyfriends in the past, one even raped her, another who tried to poison her. I do not wan't to be a part of the douchebag-list.
2. She suffers from a couple of mental diseases, which I by the way also do. She suffers also from diabetes. I'm one of the few persons who understands her truly from what she has told.
3. We already had sex, so leaving now would create a horribly bad reputation on my behalf for only going in for the shag.
4. She is very good friends with my neighbor and close friend; dumping her this early would ruin one of my only real-life friendships.
5. My only real gripes with her really is the fact that she loves Black Veil Brides, Twilight and has her relation to not-so-tidy house-keeping. Everything else pretty much is perfect.

I've popped open a bottle of jäger and some red bulls, this needs alcohol to think with.
I don't want tidying up to be the breaking point of our relationship.
This seems fucking appropriate.


----------



## MFB

She's already set in her ways of being unorganized and messy, therefore I can only imagine everything she does has a slight aura of that, including relationships. I'd say bail if she feels awkward in places that are clean and kept, and you're the opposite since that will cause a gap (which it seems it already has)


----------



## JeffFromMtl

What happens if you stay with her long enough for it to actually get serious? Would you be willing to eventually move out with her if she can't keep her side of things tidy? Keep that in mind. If your answer is no, then you should probably end it now, otherwise things could be more painful than they have to be once you've both gotten attached to the point of wanting to live together, but not being able to because she's uncomfortable in a tidy environment, and you're not comfortable living in her mess.

I'm a tidy person, and it gets to me when my _roommates_ don't pick up after themselves. I couldn't imagine being, and eventually living, with a significant other who isn't at least almost as tidy as I am


----------



## tacotiklah

Wait, relevant meme? You got yourself a tgirl? LUCKY BASTARD! 

My ex fiance of several years was EXACTLY like your girl. She rarely cleaned, had massive head issues, and made my life a living hell. I stand by my previous advice. Rescuer type relationships never work out.


----------



## BucketheadRules

A girl I was massively into for a long time (the feeling was never reciprocated, we remain friends though) is now with someone. I thought something like that happening would fuck my head up, even since I started getting over her, but I've surprised myself by not actually caring all that much about it. I'm quite happy about the way I feel with it, it's proof to myself that I've finally managed to move on after god-knows-how-long.


----------



## Asrial

Okay, just phoned her by her request...
She thought she was being way too harsh over my reaction, and we agreed on we are still visiting each other as previously planned, despite our reactions towards each others lifestyles.

I'm still fearing for how long this relationship will last though.


----------



## renzoip

I stand by ghostofperdition's advice. I understand you don't want to be another douchebag in her life, it's noble from you, but the warnings are already there. I've stuck with a girl in the past for the sake of not being another "bad guy that dumps her" in their live, despite all the evident sings that this wasn't a good idea. She ended up driving me so crazy that when things got really out of control I had to cut her off in a more radical way; and yes, I still looked like a douechbag to her, and I'm sure the will put me on the same lists as her douchebag ex bf's that she tell every other guy about.

Good luck and save yourself a head(heart)ache.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Justin Bailey said:


> It's just a countdown until she pulls the "I'm in college, I want to experience new things" card and leaves you.
> 
> Currently single for a year, havent gotten laid in a year, gotten to the point where I don't really care. I tend to wait for girls that sweep me off my feet rather than date around with girls I only half give a shit about. I just don't have the patience or confidence for that.


Haha it's all been experienced...


Oh, and been with her for 2 years as of today.


----------



## Asrial

I've now chatted with one of my best friends about this scenario... He is completely on my side in this case.

She is right now on mini-vacation with her parents, and doesn't respond to my texts.
Incoming scenario monday: epic chat about our relationship as a whole. I really don't want to lose her, but what's broken needs to be fixed...


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Bitches be crazy  that's my new motto for life.


----------



## tacotiklah

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> Bitches be crazy  that's my new motto for life.



I agree and would like to add that men are just as batshit insane. Cant win no matter which team you bat for.


----------



## Asrial

I have now talked to her.

We are STILL together.

I proposed to her, that I kind of felt like a smoochie-doll under these conditions, and that I didn't know if I should break up. Sort of emotional trip right there, but she serious'd up, and said outright, that our relationship would not end with her watching.
She said, that she would agree on dates from now on, where before she wouldn't. I can now take her out, that's a fucking relief.  She also said, that she would again be together with me at my own house, AND that she would do her best to clean up her house. I'm not expecting it to be insane cleaning, but at least enough so I won't die.
She also said, that I was the first guy she loved this much, and haven't dicked around completely. Bear in mind, she got raped and poisoned by two of her exes, seperately of course.

She knows that I'm a good guy, hence why she suddenly began dancing by my pipe when reality bit her... :3


----------



## neoclassical

So, the right psych meds and not drinking while I take them have made me see the error of my ways and also realize that she wasn't cheating on me, she was trying to buy me a new axe (deal fell through when the headstock fell off apparently). Things have gotten a shit ton better and worked out, not perfect.


----------



## tacotiklah

Craigslist ads are up and here's to hoping I don't find a psycho killer. Well at least one that would want to kill me anyways.


----------



## leandroab

ghstofperdition said:


> Craigslist ads are up...


----------



## USMarine75

ghstofperdition said:


> Craigslist ads are up and here's to hoping I don't find a psycho killer. Well at least one that would want to kill me anyways.


 
Excellent... can you post the link?

I already bought the ball gag, lye, and some duct tape...









signed,
Zed


----------



## tacotiklah

USMarine75 said:


> Excellent... can you post the link?
> 
> I already bought the ball gag, lye, and some duct tape...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> signed,
> Zed


----------



## The Reverend

So, L&R thread, I've got myself a dilemma. First, let me explain that I have a very Darwinistic point of view when it comes to women: kill or be killed. I've had my home wrecked enough to know that another dude won't think twice before trying to snake my girlfriends away, so if I truly think we'd be enriching each other's lives, I won't hesitate to do the same.

Now on to the actual dilemma: In the course of moving to Austin for school, I've met three girls, all of whom I'm attracted to, and vice versa. I'm not a player anymore, so I'm not going to go around dating all three (though I could. !!.) but I just don't know which one I want to focus on, as they all respectively embody my three most important traits.

The first one has the exotic kind of Nordic look that's always captivated me. Women like her I could just look at and be content with, the same way that a brilliant piece of music never loses it's luster.

The second one is hot in a conventional way, but is incredibly smart. I don't agree with a lot of her viewpoints, but she's open-minded enough to have conversations about things without getting stressed out about them. 

The third one is a singer-songwriter goddess. Less attractive and smart than the other two, but a genius with an acoustic, and the voice of an forest nymph. She's in a relationship with a horribly hip skater dude, though, so to date her, I'd take her from him. I've always wanted someone I could connect with musically, as opposed to physically or intellectually, and I have yet to do so. She seems novel, so I'm interested in her mostly.

If this was a poll, which one would you pick?


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

The Reverend said:


> *Rev's post*


 
I'd probs go with number two. One and two are both hot, which is good because let's be honest, dating hot chicks rules. With both being hot, I'd give the nod to number two for also being smart. This is of course also assuming that number one is either dumb or at least not hot enough to counterbalance her lack of intellect in some capacity.

I'd deffo stear clear of three while she's still in the relationship, for two reasons:

1) If she'll cheat on him with you, she'll cheat on you with someone else. Cheaters cheat.
2) If she breaks up with him and you try to pounce, she might still be sorting out personal issues, and catching a chick on the rebound can be _really_ lame and/or messy. Do not want.


----------



## USMarine75

^ agree with GMT...

Are we playing marry, fuck, kill? 

I'd start a band with 3, be friends with 2, and give #1 a portuguese breakfast.

Urban Dictionary: PORTUGUESE BREAKFAST


----------



## Murmel

So the girl I've been trying to catch is now together with the other dude. I guess it's my own fault really, I didn't even try to make her mine.

I'm not pissed or sad or anything, I'm more happy for her, and I still like her. She is after all one of my best friends too.

I must be retarded


----------



## Guilha

^ haha, nah, you're not retard, I've been through the same. You'll dislike and envy the guy, whether you like it or not, whether unconsciously or not, for some time, then you'll get the hang of it and support them good. If she's happy , always be there for her and act adult, that's of extreme importance, she might be surprised by it and in the future, who knows ...


----------



## Murmel

Guilha said:


> ^ haha, nah, you're not retard, I've been through the same. You'll dislike and envy the guy, whether you like it or not, whether unconsciously or not, for some time, then you'll get the hang of it and support them good. If she's happy , always be there for her and act adult, that's of extreme importance, she might be surprised by it and in the future, who knows ...



I don't dislike him at all. He's my friend too 
And we already know eachother on a very personal level, she knows how I feel for her and she actually feels sorry for me. But it's alright now, it sucked like a week ago but now I'm fine.


----------



## Guilha

Murmel said:


> I don't dislike him at all. He's my friend too
> And we already know eachother on a very personal level, she knows how I feel for her and she actually feels sorry for me. But it's alright now, it sucked like a week ago but now I'm fine.



Oh, he's your friend, then it's different, that was not my situation. well, i guess you could be happy for them both then, that's cool.
Lol, yes, I can also relate when it comes to her feelings for you. While i think it basically means you/we've been friendzoned, it means she does like you a lot, which is nice.
Yeah, you end up getting used to it and be the friend you have to be


----------



## USMarine75

^ Murmel... like my dad always said there are two situations to every problem:

1. Cry:





or

2. Find a solution:


----------



## stevo1

USMarine75 said:


> ^ agree with GMT...
> 
> Are we playing marry, fuck, kill?
> 
> I'd start a band with 3, be friends with 2, and give #1 a portuguese breakfast.
> 
> Urban Dictionary: PORTUGUESE BREAKFAST



what the fuck? I swear, some people come up with the oddest means of erotic pleasure. I mean, that right there is down right unpleasant.


----------



## Guilha

*bes portuguese*

me gusta .


----------



## USMarine75

^ haha read the tags below... someone on SS.org is apparently into it... or likes "Deuce Bigalow II"


----------



## Guilha

haha . it sounds so disgusting . I wonder if someone actually would do it


----------



## USMarine75

You have to pay extra...


----------



## Guilha

let alone the surgery to remove egg from her ovaries


----------



## leandroab

So, for those who remember THIS GIRL, I went out on a date with her last night. We were going to see Contagion (she likes zombies and horror movies) but when we got there we decided to go to Outback and have something to eat instead.

We talked a lot about a bunch of stuff: games (she's a geek), past relationships (gave her some flirting hints and stuff hahah), music, culture blablabla. Almost 4h later  we decided to go home since it was getting late and the subway was going to close (and I would be fucked). So we stopped by the subway entrance and we talked a little more and then when we finally agreed to leave (cuz we both didn't want to ahaha) I kissed her on the cheek then l looked at her for a good 5 seconds and then we started to make out furiously hahahahhah. 

A little before that we realized we were standing next to a pile of vomit, and we spend like 2 minutes trying to figure out what the person has eaten ahhaha. She's awesome..

So yeah.. Feels good I guess.


----------



## BucketheadRules

leandroab said:


> So, for those who remember THIS GIRL, I went out on a date with her last night. We were going to see Contagion (she likes zombies and horror movies) but when we got there we decided to go to Outback and have something to eat instead.
> 
> We talked a lot about a bunch of stuff: games (she's a geek), past relationships (gave her some flirting hints and stuff hahah), music, culture blablabla. Almost 4h later  we decided to go home since it was getting late and the subway was going to close (and I would be fucked). So we stopped by the subway entrance and we talked a little more and then when we finally agreed to leave (cuz we both didn't want to ahaha) I kissed her on the cheek then l looked at her for a good 5 seconds and then we started to make out furiously hahahahhah.
> 
> A little before that we realized we were standing next to a pile of vomit, and we spend like 2 minutes trying to figure out what the person has eaten ahhaha. She's awesome..
> 
> So yeah.. Feels good I guess.


----------



## -42-

Socially inept roommate just brought a girl home. My worldview has been dealt a severe blow.


----------



## Randy

Murder the woman and consume her body before your roommate. 

That'll teach him a fucking lesson.


----------



## Asrial

Fuck my life with a rake, my GF broke up with me over a text...

She asked me what the reasons were for why I wanted to break up in the first place, my ultimatum a couple of days ago. Then, just sent me a list 3 hrs ago with a list why she couldn't fullfill any of the points, and more so...
On the 1-year anniversary of the death of one of my friends+breakup with then-being close girlfriend combined into one shitfest day.

MOTHERFU-(censorbar so long, that it makes the "fuck-shit-stack"-song look like a four-line poem in comparison)


----------



## -42-

If she used a text to break up, she's probably not worth fretting over.


----------



## Mr Violence

Ex-girlfriend that I haven't talked to in almost a half of year and I caught up recently. Apologized for treating each other like shit and made amends. 3 days before she leaves for California forever.

We had a wonderful time and I felt good again like I haven't in a long time. And now she's leaving.

No point to this post. Sincerely bummed is all. It's stupid how all the shit that irritated the fuck out of you about someone suddenly become endearing when you miss them.


----------



## Aevolve

Figured this was a unique enough situation to share- if for no other reason than to give you all a chuckle.

My friends believe I am cursed. I'm a senior in high school and have not had sex. Not because I haven't been able to, but because I've decided not to- the risk to me seems to outweigh the reward.
The curse being- although I don't have sex with any of my girlfriends, they turn into complete whores as soon as the relationship ends.
The last girlfriend I dated for 8 1/2 months or so. She had kissed one guy when we first dated. In the first 2 months after I broke up with her, she had sex with 3 guys and gave head to who the hell knows else, took up weed, etc. 
This is not an isolated incident and has happened to my past 4 or 5 girlfriends.
Although this may seem to be a petty problem to most of you, I've made myself single for quite a while now simply because I'm so sick of being fucked over by ex-girlfriends that I've deprived myself of having any relationships, although I want to- high school is the place for dating and finding out what you want in a person, and I feel as though I'm missing out on the opportunity.
The way this keeps happening has put me in a mindset that I have to be doing something wrong and is seriously beginning to start an abhorrence of the female kind in general. 
/rant


----------



## glassmoon0fo

"the risk to me seems to outweigh the reward."

uuuh, wrap that shit up and go to town, then see how you feel . I had a girl do the same to me man, turns out girls wanna fuck as much as guys do, and we all know how hard it is for most guys to wait 8 1/2 months. 

all im sayin is, if doing the right thing isnt working out, maybe it's time to try some wrong, dawg. good luck.


----------



## leandroab

Second date with previously said girl. We went to see Contagion. The movie sucked but she's a great girl. I had lots of fun. It sucks she has school though (she's 17). I wish she didn't live so far away from me as well ahhaha.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

PeachesMcKenzie said:


> Figured this was a unique enough situation to share- if for no other reason than to give you all a chuckle.
> 
> My friends believe I am cursed. I'm a senior in high school and have not had sex. Not because I haven't been able to, but because I've decided not to- the risk to me seems to outweigh the reward.
> The curse being- although I don't have sex with any of my girlfriends, they turn into complete whores as soon as the relationship ends.
> The last girlfriend I dated for 8 1/2 months or so. She had kissed one guy when we first dated. In the first 2 months after I broke up with her, she had sex with 3 guys and gave head to who the hell knows else, took up weed, etc.
> This is not an isolated incident and has happened to my past 4 or 5 girlfriends.
> Although this may seem to be a petty problem to most of you, I've made myself single for quite a while now simply because I'm so sick of being fucked over by ex-girlfriends that I've deprived myself of having any relationships, although I want to- high school is the place for dating and finding out what you want in a person, and I feel as though I'm missing out on the opportunity.
> The way this keeps happening has put me in a mindset that I have to be doing something wrong and is seriously beginning to start an abhorrence of the female kind in general.
> /rant



seriously.. rubber up and go to town. sex is not a bad thing at all, my girlfriend had me wait something 3 months or something and i thought if i didn't get some soon pudding was gonna come out my ears!!! 

needless to say we have a really good relationship, even before we did the deed. sex is like a relationship enhancer, it makes something great greater. which it did in my case. no need to deprive yourself mang


----------



## Aevolve

Ibanezsam4 said:


> seriously.. rubber up and go to town. sex is not a bad thing at all, my girlfriend had me wait something 3 months or something and i thought if i didn't get some soon pudding was gonna come out my ears!!!
> 
> needless to say we have a really good relationship, even before we did the deed. sex is like a relationship enhancer, it makes something great greater. which it did in my case. no need to deprive yourself mang



It also makes the bad worse. lol. The way my relationships have gone lately I don't need to get attached any more than I have.


----------



## -42-

PeachesMcKenzie said:


> Not because I haven't been able to, but because I've decided not to- the risk to me seems to outweigh the reward.


Excuses, excuses.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

PeachesMcKenzie said:


> It also makes the bad worse. lol. The way my relationships have gone lately I don't need to get attached any more than I have.



bang buddies dont require attachment


----------



## Dan_Vacant

today I was texting girls; that are some of my good friends and was wondering is it wrong for most of my contacts in my phone to be girls about my age while I have a girl friend. I do hang out with guys but don't text my guy friends much mostly just girls, and the conversations aren't dirty or anything.


----------



## Asrial

Why should it be a problem? If you ain't doing anything with them except being their friends, then I can't see a problem.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Asrial said:


> Why should it be a problem? If you ain't doing anything with them except being their friends, then I can't see a problem.


idk just wondering because a few ex's while i was dating them bitched about most of my contacts being girls.


----------



## leandroab

Dan_Vacant said:


> idk just wondering because a few ex's while i was dating them bitched about most of my contacts being girls.



Being jealous is natural. Now, how big is that jealousy depends and it is very important.


----------



## UnderTheSign

I'm an angry, irritated man today and funnily enough I just realised it's also almost a year ago since I got laid. FFFFFFFFUUUU


----------



## -42-

Dan_Vacant said:


> today I was texting girls; that are some of my good friends and was wondering is it wrong for most of my contacts in my phone to be girls about my age while I have a girl friend. I do hang out with guys but don't text my guy friends much mostly just girls, and the conversations aren't dirty or anything.



It's only a problem if you're 12.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

-42- said:


> It's only a problem if you're 12.


kay so I guess it isn't a problem. I just have dated some paranoid& jealous people


----------



## tacotiklah

So it looks like I have a FWB thing going on with this hot guy from one of my classes. Spent time with him and got laid yesterday. Hellz to the yeah! 

I'd go for a relationship, but he's WAY too closeted for that. Bummer.


----------



## groph

PeachesMcKenzie said:


> Figured this was a unique enough situation to share- if for no other reason than to give you all a chuckle.
> 
> My friends believe I am cursed. I'm a senior in high school and have not had sex. Not because I haven't been able to, but because I've decided not to- the risk to me seems to outweigh the reward.
> The curse being- although I don't have sex with any of my girlfriends, they turn into complete whores as soon as the relationship ends.
> The last girlfriend I dated for 8 1/2 months or so. She had kissed one guy when we first dated. In the first 2 months after I broke up with her, she had sex with 3 guys and gave head to who the hell knows else, took up weed, etc.
> This is not an isolated incident and has happened to my past 4 or 5 girlfriends.
> Although this may seem to be a petty problem to most of you, I've made myself single for quite a while now simply because I'm so sick of being fucked over by ex-girlfriends that I've deprived myself of having any relationships, although I want to- high school is the place for dating and finding out what you want in a person, and I feel as though I'm missing out on the opportunity.
> The way this keeps happening has put me in a mindset that I have to be doing something wrong and is seriously beginning to start an abhorrence of the female kind in general.
> /rant



High school isn't really that kind of environment I think, college is probably closer but there's still a big expectation that college is supposed to be some kind of constant orgy with frat parties everywhere and relationships just happen seamlessly. They don't. I'm 21 and in my fourth year and I'm still a virgin, I only had an extremely brief period of dating last year with one girl who turned out to have been leading me on the whole time.

At your age (and even at mine, realistically) although you're in a minority by being a virgin it's not productive to make a big deal out of it and your friends are just playing right into the expectation that guys are supposed to be fucking everything that moves or else there's something wrong with them. If you've decided to not have sex then there's nothing wrong - that was a reasoned choice.

I felt like I missed the boat in high school too, but really. You're what, 18? I'm only barely four years older than you and I've probably gained a lot more maturity since high school. Lots of stuff is going to happen to you in your late teens and early twenties. While I'm not going to preach to you like I'm some wise old man, I can guarantee you that you're not going to take away much lasting life lessons from high school relationships, if anything you've been spared a bunch of drama.

Don't fall into the trap of loathing women, they're not all the same. Bullshit in relationships is a two-way street, rarely is any one party the "crazy" one. The "crazy ex girlfriend" stereotype doesn't help matters all that much, though. Sounds like the girls you were with probably wanted to have sex but probably felt weird asking because that makes them sound like sluts. You're supposed to initiate everything because you're the guy. Gender roles ftl. I don't think they really screwed you over, you might feel hurt because the emotional connection doesn't stop the instant a relationship is terminated but they weren't committed to you after you broke up with them, the "contract" was made void so they're "allowed" to sleep with whoever. If a girl has sex with a guy, she's not a whore. I know she's made out to be one but it's a double standard. Your friends think there's something wrong with you for not having sex, your ex girlfriends are whores for having sex. Before anybody tries to rebut with the "a key that can open any lock is a great key but a lock that is opened by any key is a shitty lock" analogy, realize that the analogy just illustrates the double standard rather than justifying or proving it.

Anyway, lecturing aside, sex definitely can be risky and that goes beyond pregnancy and STD's. Becoming emotionally attached to someone (unfortunately for us guys this seems to happen through sex for some reason) who is batshit insane is never good and those kinds of relationships are probably incredibly difficult to get over. "Don't stick your dick in crazy," the old proverb goes. Confucius probably said that. I'm not going crazy trying to have sex because I know that when/if I do, it's going to be an intensely emotional experience for me and I don't want to get fucked over by someone who doesn't care about me. That's the "womanliest" perspective on sex you've probably ever heard from another guy but that's honestly how I feel. I can join the club of emotionally damaged, closed-off guys after I've lost my virginity and had the relationship turn sour on me, filling the void with drunk casual sex like everybody else seems to. I'm not looking forward to that at all and I hope it doesn't happen to me like that but I'm sure it will. I am cynical, though.

We all want a fairy-tale to happen to us but that's incredibly unlikely. These girls in your life probably aren't satisfied with their sex lives, and every single one of my friends isn't satisfied with his. Maybe it's a generational thing, but if you can attribute that to age, it's just because we haven't been hurt like that before and it's a new experience. Later in life you'll know better and that's probably when the actual "good" sex starts. Pretty sure married people bone more than single people do, too, so comedians aren't relationship prophets.

I guess you'll probably meet someone soon enough who will make your throw your morals out the window. In the meantime all you can really do is accept yourself and understand that there isn't anything wrong with you, you just don't/didn't want to have sex.


----------



## stevo1

PeachesMcKenzie said:


> **text**



If they don't have enough self control to wait till the other partner is ready, then they're not worth it. It shows how untrustworthy and immature they really are, plus it saves you the minefield of if you actually had a more serious relationship, and finding this out far down the road. If she can't restrain herself to wait, what else can't she restrain? I've known people who are with people who are like that, for example, that go out and buy a whole bunch of stuff without money, because they couldn't resist. Then they're both stuck with debt over their shoulders.

Or you find out that she's been sleeping with people behind your back when your'e like married.


----------



## Aevolve

groph said:


> ...


As far as our views on it- we're beyond similar haha. I'm a cynical bastard.

And I suppose the main things that bother me is that they completely change as a person and drop any standards they had. If I can restrain myself, what's their excuse lol?
It's just disappointing.


Lol now I feel like that chick in all the American Pie movies and her friends are like "you better fuck him if you want him to stay with you!"


----------



## Aevolve

Ibanezsam4 said:


> bang buddies dont require attachment



However, they do require doctor visits.


----------



## MFB

Welp, looks like it's a day after my friends birthday (the one I mentioned a few pages ago) and we're off to a Bruins game tonight against the Islanders; just the two of us. If anything happens it'll be ...interesting, both in a good sense since it'll clear some air, but at the same time I'm moving cross-country in 2 months so


----------



## zakattak192

My ex and I broke up 495 days ago. I did the math.

495 days ago was also the last time I did anything more than give a girl a friendly hug.

feelsbadman.


----------



## The Reverend

Sex feels great. I love it. I don't actively pursue it anymore, because I honestly find the whole chase really cliche and cheesy.

I feel like there's two kinds of sex: the kind you do purely just to enjoy it, and the kind you have to elevate the intimacy in a relationship, and express your feelings physically. I don't agree with people who say it has to be one or the other. Nothing in life situations like these is ever black and white. 

Also, I'd like to say that my perspective is skewed, because like our resident All-Seeing and All-Knowing Ghost, More Specifically The Ghost Of What Is Called Perdition, I got laid last night. Not by a guy, but still, sex is sex, yeah? In case anyone was wondering, it was girl #2 from the ones I posted about a week or so ago.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

PeachesMcKenzie said:


> However, they do require doctor visits.



this is the precise reason why Trojan's stock price is so good


----------



## GalacticDeath

Man, I need to get a girlfriend. I feel like a loser not having anything to contribute to this thread.


----------



## MFB

Well, the Bruins game was a lot of fun and nothing happened which is fine since I really don't want to have too many ties back home, or else I'll feel guilty leaving. But I think my window with her has come and gone and now it's just friends.


----------



## Jontain

Right, been hesitant to add to this thread but I have been at a loose end for so long.

I'll try to not go into too much depth but I was in a relasionship for 5 years, which has been my longest relasionship. This ended when the girl decided after those 5 years of telling me she loved me and all the rest of it, changed her mind. 

Now I thought I was in love with this girl and the months that followed the break up were hell, our freind group was largely the same which meant the only way I could cope would be to not see her or in turn my freinds.

After a couple of months of not being together (unfortuantly i tried to get her back but failed) I then found out that she had started to fuck one of my so called friends (of a group which while together she gave me no end of shit for hanging out with) at the time and had even lied to all others in our 'shared group' to stop me from finding out.

Needless to say this really hurt, possibly more than accepting her choice and letting her go in the first place. They are now a couple.

I have seemed to be my own worst enemy as once I found out about her 'new guy/my ex mate' I literally couldnt stand to be near or see them. This in turn meant being excluded from most of my freinds to the point they have all drifted away, and ontop of that I still have feelings for this girl, admittedly they are now a horrid mix of both love/hate but is definatly not healthy.

This pathetic story has now reached the point where I am just in a rut, old freinds seem long gone, Im holding onto a old gone memory I can never rekindle and cant seem to just GET OVER IT. Ive heard it all 'just pull your head out of your arse' etc but I am still yet to find a way of nulifying these feelings and I even have resentment towards those old freinds who have been victim to the circumstance.

Obviously I am not expecting a magic answer but more opinions, I have began to worry that Im going to be stuck in what feels like depression for as far forward as I care to look, I have become much more sinical, less social, more angry, less outgoing, have felt unfulfiled in life ever since and have very little self confidence to speak of.

My only reprieve from the 'bad thoughts' has been playing my guitar and going for riders on my motorbike, both of which help me to forget while I am doing them but have little long last effects.

So... diagnose how screwed I am ss.org!


----------



## Cabinet

I am the shono when it comes to love.
How do I try out a woman?


----------



## leandroab

Jontain said:


> "helpme"



It seems to me that you need a change of scenery. You need new friends. Go hang out in different places. If you are in college, go do social stuff (help freshmen, volunteer stuff, etc).



Cabinet said:


> I am the shono when it comes to love.
> How do I try out a woman?



Silk or satin?


----------



## Jontain

Unfortuantly college days were all spent with mentioned girl, so didnt exactly spend much time brushing up on my flirting skills, now I am always working it is hard to get out and meet new people. 

Also there are next to no good gig venues in my local area so options of going out to meet people (that will be at all like minded) are limited. I know my post was a bit of a bitchy moan but ive been stuck in this rut far to long and need to get my shit together.


----------



## Cabinet

leandroab said:


> It seems to me that you need a change of scenery. You need new friends. Go hang out in different places. If you are in college, go do social stuff (help freshmen, volunteer stuff, etc).
> 
> 
> 
> Silk or satin?



My dad used to have women but he broke his wrist


----------



## -42-

Jontain said:


>



Just be calm around women. Lots of guys have the nasty habit of dropping sob stories when they're trying to rebound, which pretty much guarantees failure (been there, done that). There's no accounting for taste, but I can pretty safely say that women aren't into guys they see as whiny. 

Go to settings where there will be women in quantity. Don't try to be a player, but keep your passes at women casual, no need to creep the hell out of them. Have some fun, love doesn't have to be painful.


----------



## rectifryer

Jontain said:


> Right, been hesitant to add to this thread but I have been at a loose end for so long.
> 
> I'll try to not go into too much depth but I was in a relasionship for 5 years, which has been my longest relasionship. This ended when the girl decided after those 5 years of telling me she loved me and all the rest of it, changed her mind.
> 
> Now I thought I was in love with this girl and the months that followed the break up were hell, our freind group was largely the same which meant the only way I could cope would be to not see her or in turn my freinds.
> 
> After a couple of months of not being together (unfortuantly i tried to get her back but failed) I then found out that she had started to fuck one of my so called friends (of a group which while together she gave me no end of shit for hanging out with) at the time and had even lied to all others in our 'shared group' to stop me from finding out.
> 
> Needless to say this really hurt, possibly more than accepting her choice and letting her go in the first place. They are now a couple.
> 
> I have seemed to be my own worst enemy as once I found out about her 'new guy/my ex mate' I literally couldnt stand to be near or see them. This in turn meant being excluded from most of my freinds to the point they have all drifted away, and ontop of that I still have feelings for this girl, admittedly they are now a horrid mix of both love/hate but is definatly not healthy.
> 
> This pathetic story has now reached the point where I am just in a rut, old freinds seem long gone, Im holding onto a old gone memory I can never rekindle and cant seem to just GET OVER IT. Ive heard it all 'just pull your head out of your arse' etc but I am still yet to find a way of nulifying these feelings and I even have resentment towards those old freinds who have been victim to the circumstance.
> 
> Obviously I am not expecting a magic answer but more opinions, I have began to worry that Im going to be stuck in what feels like depression for as far forward as I care to look, I have become much more sinical, less social, more angry, less outgoing, have felt unfulfiled in life ever since and have very little self confidence to speak of.
> 
> My only reprieve from the 'bad thoughts' has been playing my guitar and going for riders on my motorbike, both of which help me to forget while I am doing them but have little long last effects.
> 
> So... diagnose how screwed I am ss.org!


Just so you know, she doesnt care about you. Dont think there is even remotely a chance, even if she offers. Atleast she broke up with you before she fucked your friend. 

You seemed to have fallen into the path of logic "I must have driven her to fuck my friend". That is insanity. I am sure she has had this plan for a while. Its not something that just happens. 

She made a conscience decision to choose new dick over past love. That speaks volumes about her priorities. You obviously have different priorities. So just let go of any hate or love or any other extreme emotion you have for her and move on. Indifference is the key.


----------



## Konfyouzd

rectifryer said:


> Just so you know, she doesnt care about you. Dont think there is even remotely a chance, even if she offers. Atleast she broke up with you before she fucked your friend.
> 
> You seemed to have fallen into the path of logic "I must have driven her to fuck my friend". That is insanity. I am sure she has had this plan for a while. Its not something that just happens.
> 
> She made a conscience decision to choose new dick over past love. That speaks volumes about her priorities. You obviously have different priorities. So just let go of any hate or love or any other extreme emotion you have for her and move on. Indifference is the key.


----------



## Djent246

Right..

I became involved in my first serious relationship there last August,met her at a gig I was playing. Wasn't long before we started going out,she was absolutely perfect for me. Everything was good. Lasted me 10 months and ended up losing "it" to her,dont regret that though.

Anyway, we break up for a stupid-ass reason and I was absolutely devestated. Thankfully I didnt have to see her during the summer as she went home to Sweden. I completly broke down for a few months. Sounds pathetic but I was so desperate to be back with her I did stupid things. Very stupid things.

My friend spent most of the summer and the months after that comforting me and helping me,generally making me feel better.

Found out there a while back,that they're together. My ex and my best friend. All the time he was comforting me, he was trying to get with her.

Thing is, about last January-ish, he went through an obsessive phase with her, and eventually put her in hospital due to stress from him never leaving her alone. She had also categorically stated that she would NEVER ever get with him or have anything to do with him. Now I have to see them together every day. And it is fucking killing me.

Oh yeah,and he's the lead guitarist in my band. Sounds fair right? 
Fuck this..


----------



## USMarine75

^ I say this all the time but... why would you ever want to be with someone that doesnt want to be with you? The biggest turn off to me is a girl that isn't in to me. 

It's one thing if it's the challenge of initially getting with her... but, if you've had her and she doesn't want to continue, then that's a different story. It sucks. The key is eventually moving on. 

I thought I would miss my first real GF and never get over her, until I met my first "true love"... Then, I thought I would miss her, but I met a whore that let me do freakishly naughty shit to her and that made me forget just about everything... and eventually I met my wife and now I have trouble remembering anything about any of them...

Oh well...In the meantime it makes for good angst ridden music...


----------



## murakami

Jontain said:


> Right, been hesitant to add to this thread but I have been at a loose end for so long.
> 
> I'll try to not go into too much depth but I was in a relasionship for 5 years, which has been my longest relasionship. This ended when the girl decided after those 5 years of telling me she loved me and all the rest of it, changed her mind.
> 
> Now I thought I was in love with this girl and the months that followed the break up were hell, our freind group was largely the same which meant the only way I could cope would be to not see her or in turn my freinds.
> 
> After a couple of months of not being together (unfortuantly i tried to get her back but failed) I then found out that she had started to fuck one of my so called friends (of a group which while together she gave me no end of shit for hanging out with) at the time and had even lied to all others in our 'shared group' to stop me from finding out.
> 
> Needless to say this really hurt, possibly more than accepting her choice and letting her go in the first place. They are now a couple.
> 
> I have seemed to be my own worst enemy as once I found out about her 'new guy/my ex mate' I literally couldnt stand to be near or see them. This in turn meant being excluded from most of my freinds to the point they have all drifted away, and ontop of that I still have feelings for this girl, admittedly they are now a horrid mix of both love/hate but is definatly not healthy.
> 
> This pathetic story has now reached the point where I am just in a rut, old freinds seem long gone, Im holding onto a old gone memory I can never rekindle and cant seem to just GET OVER IT. Ive heard it all 'just pull your head out of your arse' etc but I am still yet to find a way of nulifying these feelings and I even have resentment towards those old freinds who have been victim to the circumstance.
> 
> Obviously I am not expecting a magic answer but more opinions, I have began to worry that Im going to be stuck in what feels like depression for as far forward as I care to look, I have become much more sinical, less social, more angry, less outgoing, have felt unfulfiled in life ever since and have very little self confidence to speak of.
> 
> My only reprieve from the 'bad thoughts' has been playing my guitar and going for riders on my motorbike, both of which help me to forget while I am doing them but have little long last effects.
> 
> So... diagnose how screwed I am ss.org!


 

I don't think you're screwed... however, i think it really depends if you make an effort to feel differently. just thinking that things will be better doesn't necessarily help if you don't put the foot work into as well... but you are with your guitar playing and bike riding so keep going with that for the time being. 

if you have some extra money and vacation time, might i suggest you go on a trip? i am sure that an adventure around the world somewhere will help you get a better understanding of things, not from this situation, but in general, a whole new view. my friend goes to thailand every year and he says he pays 5 dollars a day at a hotel. maybe think about it?

i think your hurt comes a lot from the fact that you've been with her for 5 years. now, when you're with someone for so long, you just assume they would always be there, which is logical. however, once they leave, you feel confused and depressed because your regular day life and routine have been altered and doesn't feel comfortable anymore. just keep that in mind that you have to make a new 'routine'.

i was with a girl i loved as well, but realized she was a sinking ship. i left because she was just too much for me, but at the same time, i wasn't mature myself... deep down though, i knew she was becoming something i hate, and i was becoming a generally good person. who we are now; she looks like a skank like her sister. me; happily married with someone who i love very much and hugs me out of the blue all the time.

i don't think you should think too much on your past, especially this bitch(yeah, i call her a bitch because thats what she is. loose pussy lips basically). and your friends that you feel are gone; why do you want friends who disappear in the first place? they betrayed your trust as well, did they not? you do not need these people in your life because a guy friend should not withhold information like that from his buds. sounds like pissy girls as friends, because thats what little pussys do.

anyways, it takes time. don't go out dating all of a sudden. you'll meet a great woman, but usually; you find someone who has the same mind set as yourself. being in a debunked mood will land you something not so great i assume 

p.s. ~ bike rides must be great to clear your mind i bet


----------



## zakattak192

So, I'm hanging out with a girl that I had some classes with last year in HS tonight. She's super cute and awesome (and I showed her Cynic and she almost creamed her panties. BIG PLUS lol), and we're probably just gonna be hangin' out and getting something to eat. I'm into her, but I dunno if she's into me, so I figured the best thing to do would be to treat it as a friendly thing, but if she starts acting like it's more than a friendly thing, I'mma be happier'n hell.

Dunno why I just posted this, but she should text me in a little bit for me to pick her up when she gets outta class. Word.

AAAAANDDDD... As I typed that, she texted me. There's only one explanation for that: I'm OBVIOUSLY psychic. Maybe I can use my psychic powers to make her more into me if it's turning out to be a friend thing. Just maybe...


----------



## rectifryer

Djent246 said:


> Right..
> 
> I became involved in my first serious relationship there last August,met her at a gig I was playing. Wasn't long before we started going out,she was absolutely perfect for me. Everything was good. Lasted me 10 months and ended up losing "it" to her,dont regret that though.
> 
> Anyway, we break up for a stupid-ass reason and I was absolutely devestated. Thankfully I didnt have to see her during the summer as she went home to Sweden. I completly broke down for a few months. Sounds pathetic but I was so desperate to be back with her I did stupid things. Very stupid things.
> 
> My friend spent most of the summer and the months after that comforting me and helping me,generally making me feel better.
> 
> Found out there a while back,that they're together. My ex and my best friend. All the time he was comforting me, he was trying to get with her.
> 
> Thing is, about last January-ish, he went through an obsessive phase with her, and eventually put her in hospital due to stress from him never leaving her alone. She had also categorically stated that she would NEVER ever get with him or have anything to do with him. Now I have to see them together every day. And it is fucking killing me.
> 
> Oh yeah,and he's the lead guitarist in my band. Sounds fair right?
> Fuck this..


Your friend is a fuck face and she is an idiot whore.



> So, I'm hanging out with a girl that I had some classes with last year in HS tonight. She's super cute and awesome (and I showed her Cynic and she almost creamed her panties. BIG PLUS lol), and we're probably just gonna be hangin' out and getting something to eat. I'm into her, but I dunno if she's into me, so I figured the best thing to do would be to treat it as a friendly thing, but if she starts acting like it's more than a friendly thing, I'mma be happier'n hell.
> 
> Dunno why I just posted this, but she should text me in a little bit for me to pick her up when she gets outta class. Word.
> 
> AAAAANDDDD... As I typed that, she texted me. There's only one explanation for that: I'm OBVIOUSLY psychic. Maybe I can use my psychic powers to make her more into me if it's turning out to be a friend thing. Just maybe...


 
Ofcourse she likes you. She is a female pretending to like Cynic for the sake of impressing you.


----------



## soliloquy

it seems a lot of you folks have the same story going on. you liked the girl, dated for a while, she broke up with you, started porking your friend, and yeah, you're devastated, borderline apathetic, sad, annoyed, and your hand keeps saying 'no' but you give it to the hand anyways...yeah, i get it. 

whatever you've been doing isn't working. you're stuck in a rut, you keep doing the same things over and over again. you take the same route home, you eat the same thing, you watch the same thing, read, play, feel the same thing...

change your surroundings. you go to pub A every week, go to pub Z instead! you like to watch hockey, watch football (soccer) instead! dont change yourself, just start doing different things.

also, start changing your outlook on life. instead of looking at the world as stupid because it let that breakup happen to you in the first place, look at it as 'ahh! thank you world for ridding me of my ex! now i get to do the stuff i used to do before i met her!' or learn new things.

pick up a new hobby. chicks dig guys who are photographers or readers. pick up books. chicks dig guys who cook, so pick up cooking (you'll start enjoying it too as its creative, artistic, and good way to try out new and different flavors). chicks dig guys who are different.


----------



## rectifryer

Chicks dig guys who dont give a fuck about what chicks dig.


----------



## leandroab

So the girl I'm dating just IMd me, pissed about exactly two things:
1- A text about a stupid pickup line (involved sex and math)
2- A 9gag link (cyanide&happiness) about like love<sex. That one about boobs ahhaha

At first I thought she was overreacting. But then I started connecting the dots and I think that she thinks that I only want to fuck her or something... Which is what I would think (too many "think"s?).

I apologised over IM (facebook) and she said "well ok, thanks. I'll go study now, bye".

Since I hate communicating over text because you simple CANNOT tell if someone is being humorous or serious I tried to call her but she didn't answer.. 

Aww look. Our first fight! 

The only thing I see here is calling her and explaining I was misunderstood. I simply thought it was funny with a "guy mentality", like.. it was innocent. She DID say earlier that she was studying a lot and hadn't been online (true), so I guess she doesn't want to answer her cell cuz of that.

I'm such a retard, right? hahaha She probably thinks I'm a rapist right now. 

EDIT: The groove of the song I was listening to synced with the pickle ----------------------------------------------------->
Fucking win.


----------



## rectifryer

lol nvm reading comp > me.


----------



## Jontain

Thanks for the tips guys, i do get good peace from it all when playing guitar or out on the bike, also might have to rekindle my love of photography. Funnily enough I think this has hit me so hard again recently as I have been really enjoying riding my bike all this year (first year riding on the roads) but now winter has set in I dont get a chance to get out on it which leaves me much more 'thinking (winding my self up) time'

I suppose its not as bad as it all used to be, just very aware that it has been a long time since and it still creeps back into my thoughts. I will try to be more outgoing and go out and try some new things and new surroundings.

Cheers guys


----------



## zakattak192

zakattak192 said:


> So, I'm hanging out with a girl that I had some classes with last year in HS tonight. She's super cute and awesome (and I showed her Cynic and she almost creamed her panties. BIG PLUS lol), and we're probably just gonna be hangin' out and getting something to eat. I'm into her, but I dunno if she's into me, so I figured the best thing to do would be to treat it as a friendly thing, but if she starts acting like it's more than a friendly thing, I'mma be happier'n hell.
> 
> Dunno why I just posted this, but she should text me in a little bit for me to pick her up when she gets outta class. Word.
> 
> AAAAANDDDD... As I typed that, she texted me. There's only one explanation for that: I'm OBVIOUSLY psychic. Maybe I can use my psychic powers to make her more into me if it's turning out to be a friend thing. Just maybe...




It was totally a friend thing. And I have absolutely no problem with that.


----------



## UnderTheSign

I know, it's not a meme thread... But Lord, how often have I felt like this.


----------



## -42-

^Funny because it's true.


----------



## Randy

Got put in "the friend zone" by two girls in particular and after a few years of seeing the whackjobs they ended up being, I was glad I got put there.


----------



## leandroab

Randy said:


> Got put in "the friend zone" by two girls in particular and after a few years of seeing the whackjobs they ended up being, I was glad I got put there.


----------



## renzoip

Once a girl put me in the friend zone after we had already have sex!  

- But much like Randy, I'm glad it happened that way. Not that she date wackos (I think), but she just wasn't my type.


----------



## soliloquy

leandroab said:


> So the girl I'm dating just IMd me, pissed about exactly two things:
> 1- A text about a stupid pickup line (involved sex and math)
> 2- A 9gag link (cyanide&happiness) about like love<sex. That one about boobs ahhaha
> 
> At first I thought she was overreacting. But then I started connecting the dots and I think that she thinks that I only want to fuck her or something... Which is what I would think (too many "think"s?).
> 
> I apologised over IM (facebook) and she said "well ok, thanks. I'll go study now, bye".
> 
> Since I hate communicating over text because you simple CANNOT tell if someone is being humorous or serious I tried to call her but she didn't answer..
> 
> Aww look. Our first fight!
> 
> The only thing I see here is calling her and explaining I was misunderstood. I simply thought it was funny with a "guy mentality", like.. it was innocent. She DID say earlier that she was studying a lot and hadn't been online (true), so I guess she doesn't want to answer her cell cuz of that.
> 
> I'm such a retard, right? hahaha She probably thinks I'm a rapist right now.
> 
> EDIT: The groove of the song I was listening to synced with the pickle ----------------------------------------------------->
> Fucking win.




girls are insane.
an example, a conversation between a guy and a girl breaks out like so:
guy: hey, i have an idea, how about we do a terminator marathon? 
girl: huh?
guy: yeah, it'll be great! watching terminator 1, 2, 3, and 4 back to back!
girl: mmm...(but shes secretly thinking if the guy is actually proposing to her in a weird way) YES!!!!!!!!!
guy: really? AWESOME!!! cant wait to see the movies
Girl: (thinks that means 'cant wait to start our lives together!')

girls are fucked...


----------



## leandroab

Situation with the girl has been normalized, but it sucks I can't get to see her this weekend. Fucking school blows.


----------



## -42-

If you've ever had a girl ask you for romantic advice, you'll understand that women aren't confounding as much as they just overanalyze everything. Kinda like some people in this thread...


----------



## Hemi-Powered Drone

-42- said:


> If you've ever had a girl ask you for romantic advice, you'll understand that women aren't confounding as much as they just overanalyze everything. Kinda like some people in this thread...



Many don't so much as ask for advice so much as they ask for validation. That's why girls ask me questions relating to romance when I haven't been in anything close to a romantic relationship. They want someone to agree with them.


----------



## The Reverend

Sort of a random thought about girls I had today: I know a lot of girls who have self-esteem issues, as in the negative self-image thing, but they're constantly getting hit on by guys and shown a lot of positive attention. How the fuck does that work?

If people told me how good I looked multiple times a day, my head would get even bigger than it is now and I'd float off into the horizon. I can't imagine hearing it from everyone in my life and STILL inwardly being like, "Fuck you, you're lying."


----------



## tacotiklah

Women don't need to make sense. That's the explanation.


----------



## Murmel

The Reverend said:


> Sort of a random thought about girls I had today: I know a lot of girls who have self-esteem issues, as in the negative self-image thing, but they're constantly getting hit on by guys and shown a lot of positive attention. How the fuck does that work?



My best friend is like that. Once a dude even snapped a picture of her with his cellphone when we were walking down the school hallway. But she doesn't believe that people look at her or take pictures because she's good looking.
She is absolutely gorgeous, in a natural way, doesn't even need to dress fashionable or put on a ton of makeup (she uses make-up anyway though, like most girls).

She gets along with everybody, and has one of the most unique personalities I've come across. Yet her self-esteem is pretty darn low.
It doesn't seem to bother her though, not often does she complain about it.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Murmel said:


> My best friend is like that. Once a dude even snapped a picture of her with his cellphone when we were walking down the school hallway. But she doesn't believe that people look at her or take pictures because she's good looking.
> She is absolutely gorgeous, in a natural way, doesn't even need to dress fashionable or put on a ton of makeup (she uses make-up anyway though, like most girls).
> 
> She gets along with everybody, and has one of the most unique personalities I've come across. Yet her self-esteem is pretty darn low.
> It doesn't seem to bother her though, not often does she complain about it.



i have a friend just like this. she is quite good looking, fun (if not obnoxious sometimes) and she would honestly love to rock some dude's shit in the sack if she were a good relationship. 

BUT...

her confidence is marred by a few factors 1) her home life 2) she never thought she was pretty ever because guys were never paying attention to her (kind of a late bloomer).. hence she has only dated one guy ever, and despite the fact she'll won't be able to have a relationship with him til he gets back from the Navy, she obsessed with him because in her mind, he's the only one to have found her attractive. 

which is bullshit, multiple guys have tried to date her, but it doesn't register


----------



## Sofos

in all seriousness, i hate the friend zone. i almost always get stuck in it. its the biggest cock block ever. im just lucky my special lady friend (see thread) pretended to put me in there, to get a better read on how it would work.


----------



## Gamma362

Well, I have started to really like one of my friends...again. I ended really liking her when we first met, she had a boyfriend then, and does now. Obviously I got friend zoned the first time. I'm pissed at myself for liking her again, but at the same time she is the first person that I have had feelings for again after moving on, I know people are going to say I never fully moved on originally, but I did. She really is what I am looking for right now, She loves music, is the same major and minor as me in school, shes a nerd, She is absolutely gorgeous, and she knows I am bi, but doesn't any issues with it what so ever, But more than all that there is just something about her that has caught my attention again. I know things aren't going to happen between us, but I still want it to.

God I fucking hate feeling like this.


----------



## groph

Gamma362 said:


> Well, I have started to really like one of my friends...again. I ended really liking her when we first met, she had a boyfriend then, and does now. Obviously I got friend zoned the first time. I'm pissed at myself for liking her again, but at the same time she is the first person that I have had feelings for again after moving on, I know people are going to say I never fully moved on originally, but I did. She really is what I am looking for right now, She loves music, is the same major and minor as me in school, shes a nerd, She is absolutely gorgeous, and she knows I am bi, but doesn't any issues with it what so ever, But more than all that there is just something about her that has caught my attention again. I know things aren't going to happen between us, but I still want it to.
> 
> God I fucking hate feeling like this.



This probably isn't the only way to get out of this but all I can say is to distance yourself.

I had the friendzone treatment in high school and I just had to tell her I liked her, she said "it'll never happen, we're just friends" I cried my eyes out for a couple of hours, felt like dying, said to her that we can't talk for a little while, and it got better. The feelings came back and I went through round two of the exact same thing, I told her I liked her again and she said the same thing again, I cried for a couple of hours again and felt like dying again, and things got better again. I haven't had feelings for her since, we're still great friends which is incredible, but I felt bitter and resentful towards her for a while. I felt like I kind of had to, which is a sin because I just didn't understand how the friendzone relationship worked.

If you're not the kind of guy who is really assertive and "confident" around women you're probably going to get the friendzone a lot, and it's ugly, it can turn you into a bitter, hateful, resentful person, it just hurts. I don't know the secret voodoo magic behind attracting women, it's something I beat myself up over a lot. Lots of frustration. I don't know what to do so all I can offer is an experience.

The closest I got to a girlfriend was last year, I dated a girl for 2 or 3 months, only went out on maybe a dozen dates until she texted me one night saying that she was too busy for a relationship and had a bad one in the past so she was sorry that she thought she was ready for one again. I thought it was going to go somewhere and she was growing on me but it turns out she is probably full of shit. 

A) When a girl gives you the "you're awesome and all BUT" treatment, she's probably telling you that she doesn't want to have sex with you but she still wants the benefits of your friendship. If you were looking for a relationship, she can, for all intents and purposes, get fucked.

B) When you discover that she has a boyfriend mere months after she said that she wasn't ready for a new relationship due to a bad one in the past, she's probably telling you that she never wanted anything to do with you. She can, for all intents and purposes, get fucked.

C) When she doesn't have the gall to tell you this in person and apologizes for almost everything she does and even brings up the bad relationship in the past, apparently this means she thinks she's a piece of shit and has no self-esteem. She might mean well, but she is a piece of shit who needs to learn a few things. She can, for all intents and purposes, get fucked. We were supposed to talk about this because she said that she has some issues regarding relationships. I am confident that things could have been different if she didn't keep sidestepping around that conversation. Never had it. I feel short-changed, I didn't get the chance, but she can get fucked.

Moral? I dunno, this isn't really applicable to your situation but this one here still wanted to be friends, we're not. I said that we could in a while but I changed my mind. Yes, I lied and that's a dick move. I realized what I wanted out of the relationship, and it's not what I said. Sorry. I got rid of her on Facebook and I have no intention to speak to her again, if I see her in public I'm ignoring her completely. 

You probably feel emotionally connected and that's just a risk when making friends with girls. You'll end up liking some of them. If you're like me, you don't instantly like a girl, you need to get to know her a bit. Odds are, by then, it's too late, you're friends and she doesn't see you in the same way you see her.

Fuck man, I feel your pain. The only advice I can give you is to cut her out of your life but then she'll wonder why she lost a friend. It's a shit situation. The friendzone blows in every regard.


----------



## leandroab

groph said:


> Fuck man, I feel your pain. The only advice I can give you is to cut her out of your life but then she'll wonder why she lost a friend. It's a shit situation. The friendzone blows in every regard.



Yeah. He's right... :/


----------



## -42-

Move on. Friendship is a lot less complicated when you aren't envisioning your friend in your sweet, passionate embrace. If she was just your friend, and there wasn't already another man in the picture then I would tell you to go for it. Just enjoy your friendship for what it is. There's no need to 'cut her out of your life' to preserve the sanctity of your feelings. Friends aren't tumors. Just tell yourself that you would if you could, but you can't so you won't.

I have tons of female friends, and I would be lying if I said I didn't consider some of them at some point or another with varying degrees of intensity (and even pursue a few with varying degrees of success). Twice have I been shot down in blazing glory by female friends, back-to-back, and what was the common denominator in those cases? Other guys. After I pulled myself out of bitch-mode I realized that not only is attempting to break up a relationship out your own delusions of chivalry a dick move, but that your odds of success are drastically reduced. Since then I managed to patch things up with both of those girls are we're great friends, nothing more.


----------



## cwhitey2

The Reverend said:


> Sort of a random thought about girls I had today: I know a lot of girls who have self-esteem issues, as in the negative self-image thing, but they're constantly getting hit on by guys and shown a lot of positive attention. How the fuck does that work?
> 
> If people told me how good I looked multiple times a day, my head would get even bigger than it is now and I'd float off into the horizon. I can't imagine hearing it from everyone in my life and STILL inwardly being like, "Fuck you, you're lying."





If one girl told me i looked good i think my head might explode 

Im not ugly by any means, but my self esteem...well lets just say i dont have any.


----------



## USMarine75

cwhitey2 said:


> Im not ugly by any means, but my self esteem...well lets just say i dont have any.


 

^ Thats your biggest prob right there. If you don't love yourself then how can you expect anyone else to? [insert masturbation joke here] 

Story time folks... When I was in the USMC I was stationed on the border of Mexico [you boys like Mexico? Whooo!] and we used to go party down there. I mean seriously party... The type I can't post details about... Although I might have been to a Donkey Show or three. 

Anyways, I'm a good looking guy and confident.... have the alpha type military-muscular-shaved-head mojo thing going on (yay me)... so, we would go up in the clubs and dance up on these ridiculously hot hopefully-legal-aged girls. A lot of times they weren't interested... we'd see the guys they were with and were like WTF? We used to joke that it must be "fat ugly Mexican boyfriend night" at the club. 

My point with this tangential mostly irrelevant-to-the-OT story is that we all like what we like and certain "shallow" things like looks arent everything to everybody! I've had some hot girls as friends and when I met their guy I was shocked because "their numbers didnt match"... so don't undersell yourself. Don't fret what you don't have (whether its looks, height, muscles, cool hair, or you're shy, etc...). Be the best you that you can be and if you're happy with that and comfortable in your own skin believe me when I say other people will see it and be comfortable with you as well! I know more girls (not including my stripper friends) that are bigger on personality and confidence than looks... 

Tl;dr be happy with yourself and others will be too, or just find girls with daddy issues that smoke because they're orally-fixated easy whores...


----------



## cwhitey2

USMarine75 said:


> ^ Thats your biggest prob right there. If you don't love yourself then how can you expect anyone else to? [insert masturbation joke here]
> 
> Story time folks... When I was in the USMC I was stationed on the border of Mexico [you boys like Mexico? Whooo!] and we used to go party down there. I mean seriously party... The type I can't post details about... Although I might have been to a Donkey Show or three.
> 
> Anyways, I'm a good looking guy and confident.... have the alpha type military-muscular-shaved-head mojo thing going on (yay me)... so, we would go up in the clubs and dance up on these ridiculously hot hopefully-legal-aged girls. A lot of times they weren't interested... we'd see the guys they were with and were like WTF? We used to joke that it must be "fat ugly Mexican boyfriend night" at the club.
> 
> My point with this tangential mostly irrelevant-to-the-OT story is that we all like what we like and certain "shallow" things like looks arent everything to everybody! I've had some hot girls as friends and when I met their guy I was shocked because "their numbers didnt match"... so don't undersell yourself. Don't fret what you don't have (whether its looks, height, muscles, cool hair, or you're shy, etc...). Be the best you that you can be and if you're happy with that and comfortable in your own skin believe me when I say other people will see it and be comfortable with you as well! I know more girls (not including my stripper friends) that are bigger on personality and confidence than looks...
> 
> Tl;dr be happy with yourself and others will be too, or just find girls with daddy issues that smoke because they're orally-fixated easy whores...




Confidence is one of my biggest problems. I KNOW for a fact i can get Super Model girls...i have done it. Emotionally my life has been a roller coaster tho  and i think that is the problem. 

When I'm with a girl i have confidence...when I'm not i feel like a couldn't get a girl if my life depended on it (doesn't even have to be a girlfriend, could be just a friend). And then i sink so low i feel like the biggest pussy in the world 

So then when i do find a girl i have no self esteem left which gets me no where...


----------



## USMarine75

But the problem I've always noticed is that most girls find a lack of self-esteem (or self-confidence) to be the biggest turn off... I've had more girls admit they prefer douchey guys than ones with no self-esteem. Not saying to be a douche that's my move lol... but seriously, I think you have to accept that life will always be a rollercoaster... I'm assuming you're relatively young so enjoy life, find things that make you happy (like guitar?), and don't waste time worrying about things you can't change (and if you can change them than make that shit happen)!

And if nothing else... I find that a NGD always cheers me up!


----------



## rectifryer

I think its pretty fucked when guys get mad at girls for not wanting to be with them. There is more at stake here than how you _percieve_ you treat a girl. Sure some girls tend to lead guys on, but girls are chatty and attention seeking. If you get attached to any semi attractive chick that talks to you, be prepared to lead one fucking confusing life. 

Like Groph mentioned, she probably isnt attracted to you. If you guys have messed around, then you are attractive enough to her to mess around with, but not attractive enough to date probably. Guys overestimate their looks because they over value that property's importance while at the same time dismissing any possibility that girl would dismiss them because of it. Its sad, really. "Slightly" contradicting circle jerk of sadness. I cry for my brethren evertime I hear "I just dont know why". Uh, yeah you do. Its either status, money, or attractiveness. Its not exactly calculus. 

As far as crying over a girl because she friend zoned you, that is some butt-hurt, little boy bullshit. Man the fuck up. Grow a beard and cut some fucking wood. Be successful at something. Generally, try to suck less by just being yourself. If thats not enough for anyone then fuck them. You have a goddamn beard. Just be prepared to be limited to the girls who like beards. 

At any given point in a situation, there are possibilities, then there are options. One of those is immediately pertinent to your interests. Its not your job to coddle "your" girl. Therefore, manipulating possibilities in an already dire situation makes no sense. She has already checked you off her list. Stop putting the pussy on a pedestal and get to work. 

I'm not preaching from a soap box, I am just saying I have been there. Looking back, its real fucking silly how some of the situations were handled. Some people should just be thankful that skank gave them a clear "no" to a relationship immediately before they could somehow talk her into something she wasn't sure about, leading to a nasty relationship where she fucks all your friends.

In the end, that jealousy was never yours to have.


----------



## renzoip

I would also like to point out that another issue here are the expectations that many of you are making of women. If you think about it, many times what is frustrating is not what she did or did not do/say per se, but rather that she did not act however you were expecting her to. This is also a problem for women, since they tend to make lots of expectations about men, and they get frustrated when they aren't met either. The thing is, neither you, nor the girl you like can read each other's minds and are not going to conduct yourself in order to meet someone else's expectation. Most of the time people just go with the flow. 

So, just try to keep in mind that these girls are just people. Accept them as they are and don't put them through your rigorous standards; don't worry about whether she is the one or not. She might be almost the perfect women for you, so what? That's just the way you perceive her at this moment at this time. She is not the only one, I guarantee you. Don't expect anything from her and you'll save yourself lots of frustrations, and you'll be able to enjoy more whatever she's got to offer. 

Also, as far as looks go... do your best to maintain a look that you like for yourself. But don't worry so much about what she is gonna think. Not saying you shouldn't care at all, but different women have different taste, and they will notice different attributes. Some are pick about looksy, some are not. Some like goofy guys, some like serious guys. Some like alpha males, some like artsy/intellectual dudes. Don't try to please everybody!

Finally, be careful what you wish for. Part of the problem may be that you are approaching the wrong type of women for you. I've been lucky that not every women I've gone after in my life has accepted me, cause some have turned out to be trouble I saved myself from. So, if you are having issues finding compatible women, then try changing your environment. Go to different places and talk to different people, you'll be surprised of what you can find when you step outside the box and look outside what you think is "your type"

My 2 cents.


----------



## renzoip

Also this:




- In a figurative sense


----------



## caskettheclown

USMarine75 said:


> But the problem I've always noticed is that most girls find a lack of self-esteem (or self-confidence) to be the biggest turn off... I've had more girls admit they prefer douchey guys than ones with no self-esteem. Not saying to be a douche that's my move lol... but seriously, I think you have to accept that life will always be a rollercoaster... I'm assuming you're relatively young so enjoy life, find things that make you happy (like guitar?), and don't waste time worrying about things you can't change (and if you can change them than make that shit happen)!
> 
> And if nothing else... I find that a NGD always cheers me up!




I agree with you. Just accept things the way they are and prepare for the ride of life. Women are crazy, men are a different kind of crazy. We just have to find a person that our crazies are compatible with.

Also a NGD can fix a lot of problems (Even if only temporarily)


----------



## UnderTheSign

So... Rectifryers post comes down to this?


----------



## rectifryer

Yeah bro you gotta quit throwing your purse around. Thats beta as fuck!


----------



## avenger

-42- said:


> If you've ever had a girl ask you for romantic advice, you'll understand that women aren't confounding as much as *they just overanalyze everything*. Kinda like some people in this thread...


This is it right here.


----------



## UnderTheSign

I guess I can now be a part of this little club again... Met a girl 2 weeks ago, she's been sort of hitting on me ever since, especially the past few days. It was so obvious even Necris could point it out when I showed him the text  Going through my Facebook photos randomly sending me texts like "I like your sideburns right now, they look better than your shaven look", "Your shorter hair looked really good on you!" etc.

Well we were at a friends house last night, had something to drink and being the gentleman I am I cycled her home. Made out for like half an hour, the "usual", y'know.

This morning we were texting and she was all "well... You've never really seen me 100% sober" (as we've always seen eachother when we're going out/having a drink with friends), "I don't know you very well" and "I don't know if we should've done this last night" and "I'm not sure what to think of this all".

I suspect she doesn't want to come across as a skank or w/e... Told her to think about it for a while and we'd talk about it later today after she finishes work. Wonder what she's gonna blurt at me  Oh well. She's a fun girl. we'll be fine.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

I hate being over observant or observant in general..


----------



## squid-boy

I just got put into the friend-zone because the girl is going through a nasty break-up, but she's super into me. 







Care to share your sap stories?


----------



## Stealthdjentstic

The only way out of the friendzone is a boat load of money and a yatch. And a racecar.


----------



## squid-boy

Stealthdjentstic said:


> The only way out of the friendzone is a boat load of money and a yatch. And a racecar.



I don't have any of those things.


----------



## Murmel

A friend of mine got together with one of his best friends like a month ago. They've been friends for quite a while.

Breaking out of the friend-zone isn't impossible.


----------



## squid-boy

I know, I have some semblance of hope. 

She's really, really badass and really, really good looking.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

I broke out of the friend-zone with my ex. We were really close friends for about 4 years before anything happened between us. I was totally into her at first, then just sort of accepted it would never happen because she was one of those "unattainable" types. And years later, when I least expected it, we got drunk one night, shit happened, and we eventually ended up in a relationship.


----------



## Mexi

yeah I can attest to the fact that breaking through the friendzone is not impossible. as long as it doesn't come off as pushy or desperate then you should be in the clear.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Welcome! I've been here so long I've bought myself a place on Sadfuck Avenue looking out on Whatthefuckiswrongwithme Bay.


----------



## poopyalligator

JeffFromMtl said:


> I broke out of the friend-zone with my ex. We were really close friends for about 4 years before anything happened between us. I was totally into her at first, then just sort of accepted it would never happen because she was one of those "unattainable" types. And years later, when I least expected it, we got drunk one night, shit happened, and we eventually ended up in a relationship.




This is how it happens .



Try to accept that it wont happen, and dont always be the guy who she turns on to cry on your shoulder. If anything you will be even more disappointed if nothing happens. Then act like you are hot shit, and she will be curious as to why you arent paying attention to her anymore. If i doesnt happen it doesnt happen. Move on to the next.


----------



## squid-boy

Mexi said:


> yeah I can attest to the fact that breaking through the friendzone is not impossible. as long as it doesn't come off as pushy or desperate then you should be in the clear.



I'm not pushy at all. I completely understand where's she's coming from. I told her I'll wait for her to get her shit straightened out as long as she's still interested. That's all I can do for now, besides being there for her like any other friend.


----------



## kamello

squid-boy said:


> I know, I have some semblance of hope.
> 
> She's really, really badass and really, really good looking.



so....Im Going to be the first one to say.....
























PICS OR GTFO?


----------



## Stealthtastic

kamello said:


> so....Im Going to be the first one to say.....
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> PICS OR GTFO?


 
I was gunna say upload a NGD. New girl day, and upload pics.

But in all seriouesness, I end up in the same position you do, alot.
I'm the guy who's there and willing to be a shoulder to cry on when something is wrong, then chicks think of me as a bestfriend.


----------



## squid-boy

guitar-rob89 said:


> I was gunna say upload a NGD. New girl day, and upload pics.
> 
> But in all seriouesness, I end up in the same position you do, alot.
> I'm the guy who's there and willing to be a shoulder to cry on when something is wrong, then chicks think of me as a bestfriend.



I can't do the new girl day thing. That's the opposite of friend-zone. She's made it very clear she's still into me. Really, really. 

And if there's enough demand, I'll post a picture of her darling face.


----------



## troyguitar

Somehow I doubt it's the face that people want to see.


----------



## Chickenhawk

Invite her over for a "drink until we both do things we might regret...or we might not"-party.

Used to work for me


----------



## -42-

Whining is generally the first step along the Path of No Pussy.


----------



## kamello

troyguitar said:


> Somehow I doubt it's the face that people want to see.


 

 Im ok with it...........ok now that sounded like a Psycho 

going on topic, you still have a chance according to her, don't waste it 

although...something similar happened with my first girlfriend, 2 days later after I gave her some ''space'' she returned with his 24 years old-pedo-boyfriend


----------



## leandroab

Wait for a while. Then:
PIHB!


----------



## Scar Symmetry

I either feel sorry for myself and listen to this:



Or I feel a colossal surge of positivity and I listen to this:



tl;dr: be a man, but realise it's ok to be sensitive too. Hold on and never give up on what you look for (i.e. a 'perfect partner'). Ups and downs are inevitable, just bear in mind that positivity is a lot more attractive than negativity.


----------



## SpaceDock

Chickenhawk said:


> Invite her over for a "drink until we both do things we might regret...or we might not"-party.
> 
> Used to work for me



This, but don't tell her that's what's happening. Some social lubricant can really turn the tide if she likes you already.


----------



## highlordmugfug

Finally broke it off with my gf who couldn't understand why I kept being bothered by her constantly texting her ex, ignoring me while texting him, and hanging out with him all the time without me.
:|


----------



## Demiurge

Maybe it's best for her to not be in a relationship right now. In addition to that, any contemplation on her end of her next relationship will probably weigh more heavily towards "likes me for me" candidates than "clearly wants to bang me and doesn't seem terribly concerned that perchance I'm going through a situation where I'm not in the mood" guys. If you can be supportive and sensitive to that, then you'll probably make a good impression on her when she's ready to date again.


----------



## r3tr0sp3ct1v3

Run. 

Just run.


----------



## squid-boy

Demiurge said:


> Maybe it's best for her to not be in a relationship right now. In addition to that, any contemplation on her end of her next relationship will probably weigh more heavily towards "likes me for me" candidates than "clearly wants to bang me and doesn't seem terribly concerned that perchance I'm going through a situation where I'm not in the mood" guys. If you can be supportive and sensitive to that, then you'll probably make a good impression on her when she's ready to date again.



I told her that I completely understand, and I do. 

She came and hung out this afternoon. Just sat and talked, not about the situation or nothin', for a few hours and drank coffee. I can definitely do this being just friends, she's pretty freakin' awesome. Being comfortable with what is can be nice, too. 

I'm not complaining, I was a little bummed. But I was just wondering what everyone else's experience was and the advice is always great on the forum. 

If I could only date YOU guys, shit would be simple.


----------



## Chickenhawk

squid-boy said:


> If I could only date YOU guys, shit would be simple.



You don't want to date me. I'm selfish, and an asshole.

...and straight.

...and my feet stink.

See, it totally wouldn't work out.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

What's a girl?


----------



## AySay

Girls are people. People who can use the internet, and find weird threads about them on guitar forums...


----------



## TRENCHLORD

When in doubt, just whip it out!!!


----------



## Razzy




----------



## Stealthdjentstic

AySay said:


> Girls are people. People who can use the internet, and find weird threads about them on guitar forums...


----------



## kamello

Grand Moff Tim said:


> What's a girl?


 
generally, they are like this





they have many holes (and one of them bleeds every few weeks)

have curves (Unless it is a Jumbo or Dreadnought) 

they have a G string (unless you use some weird-retard tuning like BADDAD)

they complain and make weird noises if you don't play em' right

came in different color and shapes

and if you are skilled enough you can play with 2 at the same time (the legend says that there is a dude who looks like a chick who can play like 4 of this at the same time  )

meeeh, my imagination runs out here


----------



## s_k_mullins




----------



## CapinCripes

This is going to sound brutal for you but.... it happens.... it will continue to happen. if she just wants to be friends just be friends and move on and find someone else, its the way the world works its just easier for both of you that way. if she decides to make it more that's great but don't hold out on it.


----------



## renzoip

I say go out and approach other women while you wait for her to make up her mind. Chances are you'll meet other nice ladies, if you know who to approach. Also, chances are that she'll wake up and see that you are not willing to wait around for her forever and step up her game too.


Also: Should this not be in the SS love and relationships thread?


----------



## JStraitiff

You know how sometimes women dont think about what they are doing?... alright fine they never do lmao. Anyways, you just need to find an opportunity to catch her off guard and then she'll just get into it. Then like a min into it she'll be like "no no.. wait what are we doing? We cant do this" and you just go "shh. just let it happen" and then soon enough shell talk to her friends about how bad she messed up and they'll convince her that she should go for it and next thing you know you'll be together.

Yes thats a very specific plan but i guarantee it will work if you do it right or your money back and you keep the free gift.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Now keep her that way. bravo man!


----------



## TRENCHLORD

You could just pay a hot looking slut to go out with you to a place that your sure to be seen by mutual friends. Women are very competetive by nature and this is your best bet at speeding up the whole process. Women almost always prefer a man who is desired by other women (especially hotties), and she'll know at this point that it's up to her to jump and hump or she might lose her chance at the bedroom dance.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Don't be a pussy


----------



## renzoip

highlordmugfug said:


> Finally broke it off with my gf who couldn't understand why I kept being bothered by her constantly texting her ex, ignoring me while texting him, and hanging out with him all the time without me.
> :|



Man, breaking up always sucks, but you'll be glad you did if that's how she is treating you. You deserve better.


----------



## groph

Stop talking to her altogether, as Regional Manager of the Friend Zone I implore you. You're going to get advice that suggests that there's something fundamentally wrong with your personality, vague appeals to "manning up" and platitudes like "you'll find someone eventually." 

If you have feelings for her, seeing her around regularly isn't going to do anything but keep those feelings there, and the more and more she isn't going out with you, the more and more you'll become the foreveralone.jpg. I consider the Friend Zone as a termination of a friendship unless something miraculous happens. And by miraculous I don't mean she, in a moment of weakness just turns over a new leaf and suddenly has a real attraction for you, I mean "miraculous" as in there was a really good friendship before and your feelings for her dissipate pretty quickly. If ending the friendship sounds too harsh, just cease contact for a while. If you're going to do this she's going to have to know why, so tell her how you feel and then tell her that you won't be talking for a while.

I know you said she was into you. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her, that's probably total bullshit. As much as I hate these generalizations based on anecdotes, whenever a girl says anything to the effect of not being ready for a relationship to you, that's her bullshit way of saying she doesn't want anything to do with you sexually. She probably doesn't have the balls to tell you that she isn't into you. I don't know why girls string guys along but they do. Happens to me whenever a girl seems to be interested in me, I don't know why, all I can assume is that there must be something wrong with me. 

EDIT: After this, I'd suggest trying to distance yourself from the friend zone in general. By that I mean avoid threads about the friend zone, don't look up the Friend Zone Fiona meme (I did this last night and it triggered a whole slew of bad memories and I had a shit time trying to get back to sleep), avoid ALL dating advice online, just distance yourself from the concept. Just be out in the world and talk to people and let your social skills passively develop.


----------



## CapinCripes

groph said:


> Stop talking to her altogether. You're going to get advice that suggests that there's something fundamentally wrong with your personality, vague appeals to "manning up" and platitudes like "you'll find someone eventually."
> 
> If you have feelings for her, seeing her around regularly isn't going to do anything but keep those feelings there, and the more and more she isn't going out with you, the more and more you'll become the foreveralone.jpg. I consider the Friend Zone as a termination of a friendship unless something miraculous happens. And by miraculous I don't mean she, in a moment of weakness just turns over a new leaf and suddenly has a real attraction for you, I mean "miraculous" as in there was a really good friendship before and your feelings for her dissipate pretty quickly. If ending the friendship sounds too harsh, just cease contact for a while. If you're going to do this she's going to have to know why, so tell her how you feel and then tell her that you won't be talking for a while.
> 
> I know you said she was into you. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her, that's probably total bullshit. As much as I hate these generalizations based on anecdotes, whenever a girl says anything to the effect of not being ready for a relationship to you, that's her bullshit way of saying she doesn't want anything to do with you sexually.


basically this.


----------



## renzoip

Also, expect nothing from her, or any girl you might like from that matter. A lot of frustrations stem from us making bigger expectations than we should from people. This can many time be the difference between being friends and being in the friend-zone. 

So if you don't want to be put in the friend zone, then do your best not to expose yourself to that type of situation. You don't need to be an alpha male or anything like that. Just don't give these matters more importance than it really deserves. And look at other guys who are put in the fiend-zone carefully, so you know what not to do.


----------



## BlindingLight7

I was friend zoned for 3 years, kept trying and trying, then she lead me on really bad for a month or so, then gave me the same "I don't see you as a bf" shit and whored herself to some guy 3 states away cause "he's sweet and nice" ...I told her to fuck off and haven't talked to her since.

Don't bother, 9 times out of 10 NOTHING will change, they just don't want to hurt your feelings.


----------



## L1ght

She isn't in to you. If she was, you would know it.


----------



## TRENCHLORD

L1ghtChaos said:


> She isn't in to you. If she was, you would know it.


 
Another way to say the same thing;
If she's into you you'd be into her .


----------



## leandroab

highlordmugfug said:


> Finally broke it off with my gf who couldn't understand why I kept being bothered by her constantly texting her ex, ignoring me while texting him, and hanging out with him all the time without me.
> :|



Ouch. Sorry dude.


----------



## Scar Symmetry

groph said:


> Stop talking to her altogether, as Regional Manager of the Friend Zone I implore you. You're going to get advice that suggests that there's something fundamentally wrong with your personality, vague appeals to "manning up" and platitudes like "you'll find someone eventually."
> 
> If you have feelings for her, seeing her around regularly isn't going to do anything but keep those feelings there, and the more and more she isn't going out with you, the more and more you'll become the foreveralone.jpg. I consider the Friend Zone as a termination of a friendship unless something miraculous happens. And by miraculous I don't mean she, in a moment of weakness just turns over a new leaf and suddenly has a real attraction for you, I mean "miraculous" as in there was a really good friendship before and your feelings for her dissipate pretty quickly. If ending the friendship sounds too harsh, just cease contact for a while. If you're going to do this she's going to have to know why, so tell her how you feel and then tell her that you won't be talking for a while.
> 
> I know you said she was into you. I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her, that's probably total bullshit. As much as I hate these generalizations based on anecdotes, whenever a girl says anything to the effect of not being ready for a relationship to you, that's her bullshit way of saying she doesn't want anything to do with you sexually. She probably doesn't have the balls to tell you that she isn't into you. I don't know why girls string guys along but they do. Happens to me whenever a girl seems to be interested in me, I don't know why, all I can assume is that there must be something wrong with me.
> 
> EDIT: After this, I'd suggest trying to distance yourself from the friend zone in general. By that I mean avoid threads about the friend zone, don't look up the Friend Zone Fiona meme (I did this last night and it triggered a whole slew of bad memories and I had a shit time trying to get back to sleep), avoid ALL dating advice online, just distance yourself from the concept. Just be out in the world and talk to people and let your social skills passively develop.



Avoid all dating advice online... including yourself? 

Consider this: guy meets girl. Guy and girl like each other. It's the wrong time. Guy and girl make friends instead because THEY GENUINELY ENJOY SPENDING TIME WITH THE OTHER PERSON. Guy and girl are friends for years. Guy and girl end up married. 

It doesn't stop guy or girl having boyfriends or girlfriends in the meantime, but if you find someone who is amazing, why cut them off just because you may or may not have feelings for them? Seems ridiculous to me.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^ That's a good call.

I've had several girls tell me all of the following:



> I just dont like you like that.





> I'm not ready.





> I think we should just be friends.


 
And plenty of them still ended up dating me later on. Immediate gratification isn't always the way. Sometimes--god forbid--people grow on you and you realize later on that you've found what you want in a significant other a long ass time ago and were too naive/preoccupied/whatver-the-fuck to realize it. Sometimes you don't. 

Either way, just let it roll. The universe unfolds as it should--ALWAYS.


----------



## gunshow86de

Stealthdjentstic said:


> The only way out of the friendzone is a boat load of money and a yatch. And a racecar.



Nah*....







*Legal Disclaimer: gunshow86de does not condone the use of grain alcohol to seduce the womens.


----------



## Aevolve

Things might be looking a little up-

Just started talking to this girl about a week ago and we've talked 2 hours minimum on the phone every night.
Absolutely adorable, and she's like 4'9". The kicker is- her favorite bands are Periphery and Volumes, she's just as nerdy as I am, and has a fantastic sense of humor. This chick is epic.

oh.. and she called me dovahkiin.

SHE CALLED ME DOVAHKIIN.


----------



## -42-

I sometimes wonder if I'm the only heterosexual forum member here who can make friends with women I _don't_ want to screw.


----------



## vampiregenocide

-42- said:


> I sometimes wonder if I'm the only heterosexual forum member here who can make friends with women I _don't_ want to screw.



I did that once.


----------



## Konfyouzd

-42- said:


> I sometimes wonder if I'm the only heterosexual forum member here who can make friends with women I _don't_ want to screw.


 
Well we all can but clearly that isn't thread worthy. Some how this is, though...


----------



## Razzy

vampiregenocide said:


> I did that *once*.


----------



## Murmel

-42- said:


> I sometimes wonder if I'm the only heterosexual forum member here who can make friends with women I _don't_ want to screw.



Also, as one of my lady friends has told med several times: For some reason guys think they're falling in love with girls when they get to know them. They fool themselves that they're in love, when it's actually just friendship. Which is also a kind of love.

As cheesy as it sounds, I've found it to be so fucking true, happens to me all the time.
Now of course, sometimes you DO fall in love, but often you don't, even if you think you are.

Happened last time for me like a month ago. I started getting to know this one girl I've only known a little bit before, and I started feeling this shitty love sensation called anxiety. It turned out that it wasn't love in that aspect. I really like her, but as a friend.

It's perfectly fine to be friends with girls, I usually find my lady friends more enjoyable to talk to. They might not be as funny as the guys all the time, but you can have a lot of nice conversations that you usually can't have with dudes (at least not in the same way).

Edit: I'm friend-zoned as fuck right now, because said girl and said dude I mentioned in my first post got together. And both are my friends. I still talk and have fun with both of them, I just get the fuck away when they get intimate. That way I can still enjoy our friendship.


----------



## L1ght

Konfyouzd said:


> ^ That's a good call.
> 
> I've had several girls tell me all of the following:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And plenty of them still ended up dating me later on. Immediate gratification isn't always the way. Sometimes--god forbid--people grow on you and you realize later on that you've found what you want in a significant other a long ass time ago and were too naive/preoccupied/whatver-the-fuck to realize it. Sometimes you don't.
> 
> Either way, just let it roll. The universe unfolds as it should--ALWAYS.



One may be lucky to have that happen to them, but it doesn't always end up like that, unfortunately.


----------



## Konfyouzd

That's why I said... "Sometimes you don't." 

Patience is a virtue. And whether or not she ends up being with you in the sense you want she clearly makes you happy anyway otherwise you wouldn't want her to be your significant other. So why fuck that up just because you feel entitled to more?

Further, there have been many other situations that I didn't mention in which I ended up getting the girl I wanted and realizing I don't fuckin' want that. That situation sucks ass too.


----------



## gunshow86de

-42- said:


> women I _don't_ want to screw.


----------



## Konfyouzd

That face = priceless


----------



## tacotiklah

So my man and I have been together over 2 weeks and I gotta say.....he treats me better than any bitch I've ever had the displeasure of meeting. But gay stuff is evil....... HA!!!!


----------



## leandroab

ghstofperdition said:


> So my man and I have been together over 2 weeks and I gotta say.....he treats me better than any bitch I've ever had the displeasure of meeting. But gay stuff is evil....... HA!!!!


----------



## renzoip

-42- said:


> I sometimes wonder if I'm the only heterosexual forum member here who can make friends with women I _don't_ want to screw.




Every heterosexual dude can be friends with girls they don't want to screw, that's easy. But being friends with girls you DO want to screw... that's a bit more challenging


----------



## Stealthtastic

squid-boy said:


> I can't do the new girl day thing. That's the opposite of friend-zone. She's made it very clear she's still into me. Really, really.
> 
> And if there's enough demand, I'll post a picture of her darling face.


joo it


----------



## jkspawn

squid-boy said:


> I just got put into the friend-zone because the girl is going through a nasty break-up, but she's super into me.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Care to share your sap stories?




I had a similar incident happen to me recently. I have no idea if I'm the friend zone or the no zone or what.

So theres this chick who was friends with our former (female) singer of my band. Long story short, she was full of drama and was let go. Her friend stopped hanging out with her as well but kept hanging out with us cause shes good friends with our drummers GF. So I noticed that she started being nice to me and asking me to pick her up for practice and such. My drummer and his GF and I are all good friends and they come over and kick it at my pad like once a week, she joined us one week. When drummer and GF decided to go home, she stayed and chilled for awhile, until like 2am which surprised me. After that she would text me for no reason, chit chat, and all that. I didnt want to do anything cause I recently had another chick pretend to like me, lead me on and then tell me she liked some dude that popped up out of nowhere. So back to this chick, so after we hung out my drummers GF told me that she likes me but doesn't want to make the first move cause she doesn't know if I like her back. I was pretty shocked by this and was hard for me to believe because I didn't want to think about her like that because 1.) I could never get a chick that hot 2.) No way she would ever be interested in me. I asked her out and we went to the drive in movies. Everything went great, we made out at the movies and back at my place. I couldn't have been happier.

Fast forward three days later. When I text her to see whats up, she sends quick replies and always ends with 'I gotta get ready for work but Ill talk to you later'. This starts to make me nervous though I tell myself Im just being paranoid. Those next three days we didn't hang out or anything. So I decide Im not going to call or text her and see what happens (maybe Im bugging too much). That whole day, I got no calls or texts. Then she showed up at band practice without calling or texting anyone. At the end of the night she if going home and I told her Id walk her to her car. We get to her car and she tells me that she cant be with anyone right now, Im still not over the last guy I was with (she told me she was before we hooked up), its not your fault, you did nothing wrong, blah blah blah. What the fuck changed in the last three days?? I told her the last guy she was with was just a fuck buddy and didn't care about her and was just using her (she already knows this BTW) and her I am, a guy who actually cares about you and your doing this to me. She says Im not going back to anybody. I was pretty upset, really hurt and fucking frustrated. I fucking HATE when chicks pretend to like me then like change their mind, its like "oh nevermind" or "just kidding". WTF man!?! You fucking with people feelings. I dont know if this is a big deal for most dudes, but it was too me.

That was the last time I talked to her, now usually when a chick does this to me I cut them off, I never see them or talk to them ever again. I started thinking maybe I could just talk to her a be like understanding and stuff and not hold a grudge. Be friends and see what happens. Last Sunday afternoon I text her telling her to call me, I get a reply Sunday night around 5pm saying 'sure, do you mind me asking what about so Im prepared?'. WTF, prepared for what Im thinking. I reply with 'Just want to talk, nothing specific, I have no agenda. So she says Ill call you "later" when I get a chance. Whatever that means. I get a text at 9:30pm saying 'Is it cool if I call you tomorrow, Im at a friends house'. I say sure. Monday came and gone, no text or call.

I was under the impression that she liked me, and I like her. SO WHAT THE FUCK IS THE PROBLEM??? This shit ruined my Thanksgiving weekend, I wanted to fucking die. I almost did go to Thanksgiving dinner with the family and I didn't want to play the show we had on Friday but I did anyways.

This is where Im at now...


----------



## tacotiklah

^Support his right to do that, but not my type.


----------



## leandroab

ghstofperdition said:


> ^Support his right to do that, but not my type.



I can NOT stop laughing at that picture.


----------



## JStraitiff

-42- said:


> I sometimes wonder if I'm the only heterosexual forum member here who can make friends with women I _don't_ want to screw.



Why would you want to be good friends with a hot girl? i barely want anything to do with the ones who do want to fuck me. Women are assholes in general, the only thing that makes it worth hanging around with them is if you are going to get into a relationship.

I know thats harsh and sounds like i am jaded, but honestly women are just a general pain in the ass. They function differently from men and it just becomes increasingly difficult to not upset them after a while. Now im not saying that i dont have any social friends who are women. Women are perfectly capable of interacting in a social situation, but i dont want to hear about their personal problems that they cant seem to resolve for some retarded reason.


----------



## Necris

^ Maybe, and I'm just throwing this out there, you're actually the asshole?


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## BryanFTWL

I was badly stuck in the friend zone with the girl I've always had a thing for, for a good while. Well I kind of broke out of that friend zone right before she left to move hours away for school. I was still in that "well I have feelings for you but blah blah blah" stage, and then the night she was leaving, everyone was saying their goodbyes, and while we were saying ours, everyone left. Which we noticed, and ended up hooking up. I've only seen her twice since, and not even for 2 hours at a time. But still, feels good man.


We aren't necessarily 'involved' with each other or anything, because it's pretty stupid to bother when you live so far apart, but we still talk every day.


----------



## -42-

JStraitiff said:


> Why would you want to be good friends with a hot girl? i barely want anything to do with the ones who do want to fuck me. Women are assholes in general, the only thing that makes it worth hanging around with them is if you are going to get into a relationship.
> 
> I know thats harsh and sounds like i am jaded, but honestly women are just a general pain in the ass. They function differently from men and it just becomes increasingly difficult to not upset them after a while. Now im not saying that i dont have any social friends who are women. Women are perfectly capable of interacting in a social situation, but i dont want to hear about their personal problems that they cant seem to resolve for some retarded reason.



Sounds like a rough crowd. Though that may just be because you're viewing the world through shit-colored glasses.



renzoip said:


> But being friends with girls you DO want to screw... that's a bit more challenging



Honestly, I would deem at least half of my lady-friends screwable. But that's probably one reason why I don't get fixated on any one woman to the point of obsession. Fish-in-the-sea and whatnot.


----------



## JStraitiff

Necris said:


> ^ Maybe, and I'm just throwing this out there, you're actually the asshole?



Ill consider it.



-42- said:


> Sounds like a rough crowd. Though that may just be because you're viewing the world through shit-colored glasses.
> 
> 
> 
> Honestly, I would deem at least half of my lady-friends screwable. But that's probably one reason why I don't get fixated on any one woman to the point of obsession. Fish-in-the-sea and whatnot.



Honestly have you guys ever actually thought about it? Do you actually have close friends who are girls? Definition of close: 'She calls you mostly every night to tell you about her day and vents about all the stupid bitches she had to encounter. You also go shopping with her and she calls you when something stupid happens to her and she is hysterical.' If you do, you may or may not have realized that you are a girlfriend. She never really listens to what you have to say and even if she did, her suggestions would be totally ridiculous. She tells you all of these things expecting some sort of consoling. But when you try to help her she just gets upset and acts like you shouldnt be talking. She thinks you are a woman. Thats where every male-female friendship goes given enough time.

This is among the reasons i believe that its best not to be more than social friends with a woman. If asshole means i recognize reality and dont waste my time, then ok.


----------



## Murmel

^
I have 2 girls that I'm really good friends with. None of them are like that even if we talk almost every day.
And I don't really care if they vent their personal problems on me, I'm one of those weirdos who actually enjoy talking about feelings. You just have to pick who you get good friends with, I know several that I could probably get to know better, but I'm not going to because I know they're semi-bitches.


----------



## vampiregenocide

JStraitiff said:


> Ill consider it.
> 
> 
> 
> Honestly have you guys ever actually thought about it? Do you actually have close friends who are girls? Definition of close: 'She calls you mostly every night to tell you about her day and vents about all the stupid bitches she had to encounter. You also go shopping with her and she calls you when something stupid happens to her and she is hysterical.' If you do, you may or may not have realized that you are a girlfriend. She never really listens to what you have to say and even if she did, her suggestions would be totally ridiculous. She tells you all of these things expecting some sort of consoling. But when you try to help her she just gets upset and acts like you shouldnt be talking. She thinks you are a woman. Thats where every male-female friendship goes given enough time.
> 
> This is among the reasons i believe that its best not to be more than social friends with a woman. If asshole means i recognize reality and dont waste my time, then ok.



So what's it like living in the 1800s? 

Seriously though, most of my best friends are female. Granted, I get along with girls who have more masculine qualities personality wise, but in general I find women more interesting to talk to particularly on emotional matters. I have a handful of girls I couldn't live without, but I have probably one male friend that I'd tell anything to. And my female friends definitely don't treat me like a woman, I don't pull any punches regarding my gender around them, particularly if they're single. If a girl can be friends with a sexually frustrated idiot like me, then she's definitely someone worth keeping around.

Of course I'd love relationships with some of them; if you're going to be best friends with someone that's a key part of what you want in a relationship and it doesn't help my girl friends are hot as fuck. But I know where I stand in it because I am honest about my feelings, and they're good people so we have an understanding.


----------



## BlindingLight7

This girl that I haven't talked to much lately recently sent me a text stating that she missed me, loved me, wanted me to fill her with my seed (using stronger words), Should I be scared?


----------



## vampiregenocide

BlindingLight7 said:


> This girl that I haven't talked to much lately recently sent me a text stating that she missed me, loved me, wanted me to fill her with my seed (using stronger words), Should I be scared?



Girls get horny too. If she's down for it, why not?


----------



## BlindingLight7

vampiregenocide said:


> Girls get horny too. If she's down for it, why not?


She meant it as she wants me to make a baby with her.


----------



## Necris

vampiregenocide said:


> Girls get horny too.




I couldn't resist.


----------



## Devotion

Necris said:


> I couldn't resist.




It IS possible


----------



## -42-

JStraitiff said:


> Honestly have you guys ever actually thought about it? Do you actually have close friends who are girls?



Hmmmm...yes.

Also, please keep in mind, bitching about bitching is still bitching. In fact it might just be bitching^2.


----------



## renzoip

-42- said:


> Sounds like a rough crowd. Though that may just be because you're viewing the world through shit-colored glasses.
> 
> 
> 
> Honestly, I would deem at least half of my lady-friends screwable. But that's probably one reason why I don't get fixated on any one woman to the point of obsession. Fish-in-the-sea and whatnot.



Well, I said it was a bit more challenging, not impossible. You got the right idea, not to get fixated.


----------



## leandroab

BlindingLight7 said:


> This girl that I haven't talked to much lately recently sent me a text stating that she missed me, loved me, wanted me to fill her with my seed (using stronger words), Should I be scared?



PIHB


----------



## vampiregenocide

BlindingLight7 said:


> She meant it as she wants me to make a baby with her.



Oh...shit. Steer clear. Those are the crazy ones.


----------



## metal_sam14

BlindingLight7 said:


> She meant it as she wants me to make a baby with her.



Stick it in her pooper...


----------



## JStraitiff

BlindingLight7 said:


> This girl that I haven't talked to much lately recently sent me a text stating that she missed me, loved me, wanted me to fill her with my seed (using stronger words), Should I be scared?



Yea i would agree to steer clear. I had a girl insist that our first time be without a condom. So.. i broke up with her. Then a couple days later she wanted to meet up and talk and then she started telling me how later down the line she was going to call me up and have me donate seed so she could have a baby. lmao.



metal_sam14 said:


> Stick it in her pooper...



HAHAHAHAHA. You just fucking cracked me up.


----------



## tacotiklah

renzoip said:


> Every heterosexual dude can be friends with girls they don't want to screw, that's easy. But being friends with girls you DO want to screw... that's a bit more challenging


 
I do this every day and even take it a step further. Try being bi and having friends (both male and female) that you just hang out with and not wanna screw, even when weird opportunities to do so come up.


----------



## BlindingLight7

I'd rather not put it in her pooper


how does one buy condoms and not be awkward?


----------



## metal_sam14

BlindingLight7 said:


> I'd rather not put it in her pooper
> 
> 
> how does one buy condoms and not be awkward?



Just put it through with a couple of other things you need.

Or just buy them, people buy condoms every day, it isn't a big deal.


----------



## BlindingLight7

but...I don't know what size...


----------



## tacotiklah

BlindingLight7 said:


> but...I don't know what size...


 

Don't do what I tried and buy magnum sized just to impress the lady at the register, only to have to use a damn rubber band to keep them on.


----------



## wannabguitarist

BlindingLight7 said:


> but...I don't know what size...



They're pretty much one size fits all


----------



## metal_sam14

Yeah regular does it for your average joe, dont try and be a hero


----------



## leandroab

BlindingLight7 said:


> but...I don't know what size...


----------



## Mendez

This thead took a weird turn


----------



## Konfyouzd

JStraitiff said:


> Ill consider it.
> 
> 
> 
> Honestly have you guys ever actually thought about it? Do you actually have close friends who are girls? Definition of close: 'She calls you mostly every night to tell you about her day and vents about all the stupid bitches she had to encounter. You also go shopping with her and she calls you when something stupid happens to her and she is hysterical.' If you do, you may or may not have realized that you are a girlfriend. She never really listens to what you have to say and even if she did, her suggestions would be totally ridiculous. She tells you all of these things expecting some sort of consoling. But when you try to help her she just gets upset and acts like you shouldnt be talking. She thinks you are a woman. Thats where every male-female friendship goes given enough time.
> 
> This is among the reasons i believe that its best not to be more than social friends with a woman. If asshole means i recognize reality and dont waste my time, then ok.


 
A lot of us have close friends that are girls. Girls are different from us. It's a fact of life. The differences among us serve many purposes:

1. Despite the fact that one gender is not inherently better than the other in any way, we do seem to have established "standard" roles for each gender in a family situation. We have been known to deviate from this standard frequently, but there exists one nonetheless.

2. If girls were exactly like us we would find them disgusting.

3. The hoops we jump through to get with a woman in all seriousness are no different from what other animals have to do to impress a woman. Some spread their feathers and do a festive dance. Some just have to chase her down on foot--literally.

4. The things that women talk about and do are things our society has conditioned them to think about, talk about and do not unlike most things the average man does on a daily basis.

If women are so awful fuck men. I won't judge you.


----------



## Konfyouzd

BlindingLight7 said:


> I'd rather not put it in her pooper
> 
> 
> how does one buy condoms and not be awkward?


 
**Gets in car and starts it up**

**Checks mirrors and carefully pulls ot of parking space**

**Sets course for any local store that may have condoms**

**Locates condoms and selects brand--It really doesn't matter**

**Takes box of condoms to the front of the store to purchase them**

**Purchases condoms**

**Leaves store**

Awkwardness avoided. Plus... How is it awkward? They know you intend to get laid... Oh lawdy no!


----------



## -42-

Wink at the cashier.


----------



## tacotiklah

If the cashier says anything, offer to have her join you. Problem solved.


----------



## JStraitiff

Konfyouzd said:


> A lot of us have close friends that are girls. Girls are different from us. It's a fact of life. The differences among us serve many purposes:
> 
> 1. Despite the fact that one gender is not inherently better than the other in any way, we do seem to have established "standard" roles for each gender in a family situation. We have been known to deviate from this standard frequently, but there exists one nonetheless.
> 
> 2. If girls were exactly like us we would find them disgusting.
> 
> 3. The hoops we jump through to get with a woman in all seriousness are no different from what other animals have to do to impress a woman. Some spread their feathers and do a festive dance. Some just have to chase her down on foot--literally.
> 
> 4. The things that women talk about and do are things our society has conditioned them to think about, talk about and do not unlike most things the average man does on a daily basis.
> 
> If women are so awful fuck men. I won't judge you.



I think that my definition of close friends must be different from most people's. I definitely jump through hoops to have a "relationship" with a woman. I put up with my partners just like every other man. I just dont play games with women who im not romantically involved with. Especially if they're just jerking me around about getting into a relationship.


----------



## MFB

So I' in San Francisco for the weekend, doing a tour of my college and seeing dozens of cute girls ane what do I dream about? Ah yes my ex


----------



## Konfyouzd

JStraitiff said:


> I think that my definition of close friends must be different from most people's. I definitely jump through hoops to have a "relationship" with a woman. I put up with my partners just like every other man. I just dont play games with women who im not romantically involved with. Especially if they're just jerking me around about getting into a relationship.



Do you complain ab all your close friends? Maybe you do a poor job of picking the ppl with whom you want to be close. Perhaps you've just poorly represented yourself here. Either way being "close friends" w the opposite sex requires a level of sensitivity you seem to lack.


----------



## Konfyouzd

MFB said:


> So I' in San Francisco for the weekend, doing a tour of my college and seeing dozens of cute girls ane what do I dream about? Ah yes my ex



Some ppl just have that effect on you. C'est la vie mon ami /terrible attempt @French


----------



## Necris

JStraitiff said:


> Women are perfectly capable of interacting in a social situation, but i dont want to hear about their personal problems that they cant seem to resolve for some retarded reason.


I only quoted this part since that's what I'm addressing but taking the rest of the post into account essentially what you're saying is "I can have a female friend, but if we aren't having sex there's no way I'm offering any sort of emotional support for her personal problems."



I can't help but feel that's a bit of a disgusting viewpoint to take.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Fyi my male friend do a lotta dumb shit I don't care to hear ab. 

Since I'm not gay I should just stop hanging out w them...


----------



## vampiregenocide

The problem I do have with a lot of my female friends is that they don't deal with issues as logically as guys do. They think things over, get worked up, see if things change in time where ordinarily a guy would be like 'I have a problem, let's sort this'. As a result, I've given out advice countless times to female friends only to watch them ignore it and allow things to get worse. Then, when they do break up I give them the whole 'well, you had problems a lot it's for the best' talk, and they're back together again a week later.

I've had this with virtually every girl I've been friends with. Time and time again. Guys tend to be more direct when there is a problem, or simply ignore it. 

So there are some friends I simply don't engage with in terms of relationship advice. They can do what they want, because I've tried to help them only to be ignored. Why ask for advice if you're just going to ignore it? Meh.



Anyway, I like a couple of girls at the moment who are both single. One of them has been my friend for a long time and I was going to ask her on a date a while ago but she got a boyfriend. She's single now though, but I'm waiting to give her some time before I ask her out. She has better taste in music than mos of my male friends (She likes Meshuggah and pretty much every band I like) so she's wife material.  The other girl I like I've known for less time, but she's equally hot and has great taste in music. Need to hang out more to know whether there's a chance though. I'm also seeing another girl next week, but in a casual friends with benefits sense. We both need it.


----------



## Aevolve

Going on a date tonight with a girl I recently met that I may or may not have mentioned on here. Just getting some sushi and seeing a movie. She's fucking awesome, wish me luck dudes.


----------



## -42-

PeachesMcKenzie said:


> Going on a date tonight with a girl I recently met that I may or may not have mentioned on here. Just getting some sushi and seeing a movie. She's fucking awesome, wish me luck dudes.



Hey look, someone's getting somewhere.


----------



## Konfyouzd

vampiregenocide said:


> The problem I do have with a lot of my female friends is that they don't deal with issues as logically as guys do. They think things over, get worked up, see if things change in time where ordinarily a guy would be like 'I have a problem, let's sort this'. As a result, I've given out advice countless times to female friends only to watch them ignore it and allow things to get worse. Then, when they do break up I give them the whole 'well, you had problems a lot it's for the best' talk, and they're back together again a week later.
> 
> I've had this with virtually every girl I've been friends with. Time and time again. Guys tend to be more direct when there is a problem, or simply ignore it.
> 
> So there are some friends I simply don't engage with in terms of relationship advice. They can do what they want, because I've tried to help them only to be ignored. Why ask for advice if you're just going to ignore it? Meh.
> 
> 
> 
> Anyway, I like a couple of girls at the moment who are both single. One of them has been my friend for a long time and I was going to ask her on a date a while ago but she got a boyfriend. She's single now though, but I'm waiting to give her some time before I ask her out. She has better taste in music than mos of my male friends (She likes Meshuggah and pretty much every band I like) so she's wife material.  The other girl I like I've known for less time, but she's equally hot and has great taste in music. Need to hang out more to know whether there's a chance though. I'm also seeing another girl next week, but in a casual friends with benefits sense. We both need it.



Indeed and often when you offer a solution too soon they view it [sometimes] as you belittling their situation rather than extending a helping hand. Realizing/accepting these things make for smoother interactions. 

Learning to pick your battles--as you clearly have--is also a good idea.


----------



## JStraitiff

vampiregenocide said:


> The problem I do have with a lot of my female friends is that they don't deal with issues as logically as guys do. They think things over, get worked up, see if things change in time where ordinarily a guy would be like 'I have a problem, let's sort this'. As a result, I've given out advice countless times to female friends only to watch them ignore it and allow things to get worse. Then, when they do break up I give them the whole 'well, you had problems a lot it's for the best' talk, and they're back together again a week later.
> 
> I've had this with virtually every girl I've been friends with. Time and time again. Guys tend to be more direct when there is a problem, or simply ignore it.
> 
> So there are some friends I simply don't engage with in terms of relationship advice. They can do what they want, because I've tried to help them only to be ignored. Why ask for advice if you're just going to ignore it? Meh.



This is the exact thing i am talking about. Which actually makes me laugh that Konfyouzd agreed with you on it but he still continues to argue with me. Some people argue for the sake of argument and i appreciate that. Rock on Konfyouzd


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

*reads stories in thread, as I have done for a long while*


----------



## MFB

Konfyouzd said:


> Some ppl just have that effect on you. C'est la vie mon ami /terrible attempt @French



It's just infuriating, and since it's the only part of the dream I remember, it was really depressing waking up; nothing more than that. It's been a little over a year since we were "together" and I haven't seen her in four months as well, so I don't care. I'm moving 3,000 miles to a new school, city, state and I'll be damned if I'm gonna think about her.


----------



## -42-

MFB said:


> It's just infuriating, and since it's the only part of the dream I remember, it was really depressing waking up; nothing more than that. It's been a little over a year since we were "together" and I haven't seen her in four months as well, so I don't care. I'm moving 3,000 miles to a new school, city, state and I'll be damned if I'm gonna think about her.



Watch more porn.


----------



## Aevolve

Just got back from the date.

Holy fucking shit. Cannot stop smiling.
Have not been this happy in a while. This girl is amazing. No lapse in conversation, no mishaps, no nothing. Best date I've ever been on, period.

And I played it right- didn't even kiss her yet. Seeing her next weekend.


----------



## JStraitiff

MFB said:


> It's just infuriating, and since it's the only part of the dream I remember, it was really depressing waking up; nothing more than that. It's been a little over a year since we were "together" and I haven't seen her in four months as well, so I don't care. I'm moving 3,000 miles to a new school, city, state and I'll be damned if I'm gonna think about her.



I had a dream like that last week. I woke up and all the sudden i had these intense feelings for this girl i havent talked to in 9 years. Still didnt quite go away. Id be really happy to be back with her.


----------



## tacotiklah

-42- said:


> Hey look, someone's getting somewhere.



I dunno what you're talking about. I got the guy and the girl can just go fuck herself. I win.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

MFB said:


> It's just infuriating, and since it's the only part of the dream I remember, it was really depressing waking up; nothing more than that



i had a dream about my ex once after we had broken up a few months prior.... this was over a year ago. dont remember any part before that but in the dream she turns around and smiles at me and says "you dork".. that had been our inside joke and was her term of endearment for me. i woke up crying. dreams suck sometimes


----------



## -42-

Man this thread is sappy. 

Except ghostofperidition, he has his shit together, regardless of which team he bats for.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

-42- said:


> Man this thread is sappy.
> 
> Except ghostofperidition, he has his shit together, regardless of which team he bats for.



it feels wrong to contribute happy love life stories to this thread lol 

no but seriously ghost is a beast


----------



## leandroab

PeachesMcKenzie said:


> Just got back from the date.
> 
> Holy fucking shit. Cannot stop smiling.
> Have not been this happy in a while. This girl is amazing. No lapse in conversation, no mishaps, no nothing. Best date I've ever been on, period.
> 
> And I played it right- didn't even kiss her yet. Seeing her next weekend.



Nice dude! Pretty similar to my case, except I kissed my girl on the first date 

aahahhaha


----------



## Konfyouzd

JStraitiff said:


> This is the exact thing i am talking about. Which actually makes me laugh that Konfyouzd agreed with you on it but he still continues to argue with me. Some people argue for the sake of argument and i appreciate that. Rock on Konfyouzd


 
No my point was that you came across like a raging douchebag about it. We all know that it happens we just don't all fucking cry about it like little boys. No one is arguing with you. Just pointing out that you need to grow up a little bit.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

vampiregenocide said:


> The problem I do have with a lot of my female friends is that they don't deal with issues as logically as guys do. They think things over, get worked up, see if things change in time where ordinarily a guy would be like 'I have a problem, let's sort this'. As a result, I've given out advice countless times to female friends only to watch them ignore it and allow things to get worse. Then, when they do break up I give them the whole 'well, you had problems a lot it's for the best' talk, and they're back together again a week later.
> 
> I've had this with virtually every girl I've been friends with. Time and time again. Guys tend to be more direct when there is a problem, or simply ignore it.
> 
> So there are some friends I simply don't engage with in terms of relationship advice. They can do what they want, because I've tried to help them only to be ignored. Why ask for advice if you're just going to ignore it? Meh.



After having numerous girlfriends and having been married and subsequently divorced, I have found that when women complain, they aren't looking for advice or a solution. They are looking for sympathy. Nod and agree, and you'll be fine.


----------



## tacotiklah

-42- said:


> Man this thread is sappy.
> 
> Except ghostofperidition, he has his shit together, regardless of which team he bats for.


 
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the ladies too, but I hate head games. At least with guys, the sky is still blue and the earth still flat. A chick will throw shit at you just BECAUSE the sky is blue, yet insist it isn't. 

Awesome thing about dating another bi guy is that we don't consider sleeping with women to be cheating, so we have that option.


----------



## murakami

vampiregenocide said:


> So what's it like living in the 1800s?
> 
> Seriously though, most of my best friends are female. Granted, I get along with girls who have more masculine qualities personality wise, but in general I find women more interesting to talk to particularly on emotional matters. I have a handful of girls I couldn't live without, but I have probably one male friend that I'd tell anything to. And my female friends definitely don't treat me like a woman, I don't pull any punches regarding my gender around them, particularly if they're single. If a girl can be friends with a sexually frustrated idiot like me, then she's definitely someone worth keeping around.
> 
> Of course I'd love relationships with some of them; if you're going to be best friends with someone that's a key part of what you want in a relationship and it doesn't help my girl friends are hot as fuck. But I know where I stand in it because I am honest about my feelings, and they're good people so we have an understanding.


 
you can pretty much put me into that old school category as well though 

the woman that i knew who were friends to me always tried to be more than friends the longer i was with them, so i just assumed woman were interested in male friends hoping it would lead to something or because there was some sort of attraction going on. the thing is, is that i wasn't really interested in the same way, and i am not the kind of guy to just get an easy lay so i started to stay away from them.

the end result was they thought i was a jerk for pushing them away(though i am sure i would look like an even bigger jerk for leading them on, right? cant win with woman). right now? i don't really hang with anyone other than my brother and sister, who are my best friends to be honest... and my wife. 
but i love her to death. plus, i feel it is a sign of respect to not befriend
another woman when i am married.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Just broke up with the lady on Monday... It was a mutual thing with us, as we pretty much both realized it wasn't going to work and brought it up at the exact same time. She's got a lot of serious shit going on in her life right now, so she's stressed as hell, and was a bit of a bitch through the last few weeks. She acknowledges that fact though, which I really appreciate. I've got school and final exams I need to focus on, which is tough to do when things aren't going well with the girl I love, so... It was logical for both of us to step back for a while. We ended things on good terms, and we're going to try to keep our relationship a positive one for now. She's going to come hang out with me at the tattoo shop on Friday while I get some work done, so we'll see how this "friends" thing works. Whether or not we are cut out to be just friends remains to be seen, as there was never a point at which we were only friends - we hit it off immediately and things went really fast from there, but we've decided that once our lives (mostly hers) make a little more sense, we'd like to try again, however it still hurts. Especially when I sign into facebook and have her gorgeous face pop up first thing on my news feed, showing off her sexy new haircut


----------



## MFB

Got invited to my ex's 21st birthday and never have I been more glad to be working several morning shifts in a row  I also have a feeling I'm gonna catch hell since I never tell anyone happy birthday but she might think I'm avoiding her


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Well, after the ex came with me to the tattoo shop yesterday, we ended up getting dinner and had a great time. We then made out furiously before parting ways. Looks like things are going to pan out. We talked about it and we've decided to keep a casual thing going until we're ready to be a little more serious again


----------



## Aevolve

Officially and formally asked out the aforementioned chick who loves Periphery-
While we've been dating a bit we're now exclusive and together. Couldn't be happier with this girl. Things look up.


----------



## eventhetrees

Hey guys,

I need some people to do a survey for me to help me with a school project.

Message me if you're interested and I'll send you it. It's anonymous and only my teacher and I will see them. I just need your name and an email address OR phone number (will not call you) 

It's about the Challenges of Being Single, just a quick survey! Thanks


----------



## Kidneythief

Bummer...
I got friendzoned yesterday by a girl who I started to see in the last 2 weeks. She plainly told me, that there is no chance for me, to hook with her up on any serious matter, because she will be in town until May next year, and then she will be going home (other side of the country), and after that she most likely will be going to Japan for 2 years (or even live there if everything goes as planned).

Soooo yeah...a moment of silence please thank you.

Although what I can not understand is why was it then, that as I walked her home she took my hand at some point, and didn't let it go until we got to her house.


----------



## leandroab

Kidneythief said:


> Although what I can not understand is why was it then, that as I walked her home she took my hand at some point, and didn't let it go until we got to her house.


----------



## Kidneythief

^
That just made my day thank you!


----------



## eventhetrees

^^^ hahaha holy shit that's hilarious!


----------



## leandroab

Kidneythief said:


> ^
> That just made my day thank you!



It's always good to make someone else laugh...


----------



## eventhetrees

So anyone....survey!?


----------



## tacotiklah

Bummed because Im not gonna be able to see my man as much until next semester starts.


----------



## Konfyouzd

ghstofperdition said:


> Bummed because Im not gonna be able to see my man as much until next semester starts.


 
Absence makes the heart grow fonder... So I'm told. As long as it doesn't get cold and bitter I think we're okay.


----------



## murakami

Kidneythief said:


> Bummer...
> I got friendzoned yesterday by a girl who I started to see in the last 2 weeks. She plainly told me, that there is no chance for me, to hook with her up on any serious matter, because she will be in town until May next year, and then she will be going home (other side of the country), and after that she most likely will be going to Japan for 2 years (or even live there if everything goes as planned).
> 
> Soooo yeah...a moment of silence please thank you.
> 
> Although what I can not understand is why was it then, that as I walked her home she took my hand at some point, and didn't let it go until we got to her house.



because most japanese woman are retarded morons who don't know what they want... trust me, i am japanese.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I joined a sex forum recently and someone made a point this morning that makes a lot of sense to me.

A lot of the time women will say they want one thing and seem to be attracted to and/or date something else. So seemingly what they want isn't necessarily what they respond to although it logically follows that the two should be the same.

When they say what they want, they're speaking--dare I say--from their logical side. I think some of attraction is a conscsious decision but there's a part that is subconscious as well and I believe that's where the "what they want vs what they respond to" conundrum spawns from.

When you think about it, we men aren't much different. We always say we want x, y and z from a woman but lo and behold this thread is one of the longest ones on here that doesn't have the words Bulb, Tosin or Djent in the fucking title. And every single page seems to be filled with angsty teenage confusion meaning we clearly don't know what the hell we want either.


----------



## murakami

^^^

i think in general men have better bearings on what they want in life. unfortunately, some men do not have the slightest clue in how to get it. some do, some don't... but they generally know what they want may it be shallow or not.

woman... *sigh* they say shit one minute, and spout something else the next. maybe it's hormones or maybe because woman don't want to look wrong... all i know is that woman will change their answer to save face, not look wrong, to argue their point further etc...

it's like dealing with an adult with a child brain, basically. i seriously encourage every man in this form NOT TO LET THE WOMAN *CONTROL* your life.... it will end you.

a relationship is basically like how wolves act in a pack.... but to a nicer degree. show your dominance, but not in a aggressive manner. woman pick up on that and they'll shut their stupid ass mouths.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I'm not touching that one.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

murakami said:


> ^^^
> 
> i think in general men have better bearings on what they want in life. unfortunately, some men do not have the slightest clue in how to get it. some do, some don't... but they generally know what they want may it be shallow or not.
> 
> woman... *sigh* they say shit one minute, and spout something else the next. maybe it's hormones or maybe because woman don't want to look wrong... all i know is that woman will change their answer to save face, not look wrong, to argue their point further etc...
> 
> it's like dealing with an adult with a child brain, basically. i seriously encourage every man in this form NOT TO LET THE WOMAN *CONTROL* your life.... it will end you.
> 
> a relationship is basically like how wolves act in a pack.... but to a nicer degree. show your dominance, but not in a aggressive manner. woman pick up on that and they'll shut their stupid ass mouths.



Not everyone has to be an alpha male douche. I agree that you can't let _anyone_ control your life, not just your woman. I'm not a dominant person per se. Some may see me as such because I seem to have an air of quiet confidence and I don't take shit from anyone. Even my girl says she was intimidated by me at first. I'm actually a really soft guy, and contrary to what your post would imply, I'm still perfectly capable of getting what I want. Hell, simply because she knows what kind of person I am, my girl's perfectly fine with having a casual and non-exclusive relationship until we can get serious again. Because she knows that I know what I want and that no matter how many girls I hook up with between now and then, she's the woman I love and she's the one I'm going to be with.

The key is not being a lapdog. That's what women find unattractive, and could be detrimental to your own person well-being. People seem to misconstrue the whole confidence thing. It isn't about being an alpha-male hardass douche that wants his woman to "shut their stupid ass mouth", as you say... Men are allowed to be sensitive. God knows I am. You just have to know who you are, and be proud of that fact. Don't compromise that for anyone.

As an aside, you should probably stop referring to women as "adults with child brains". You're going to catch a lot of shit for that. And judging from your spelling and post quality, I know many a woman who could make _you_ look like the adult with a child's brain. The plural of woman is women. It's with an e.


----------



## Konfyouzd

JeffFromMtl said:


> Not everyone has to be an alpha male douche.


 
QFT

There's nothing wrong with being an alpha male, per se, but I think some ppl go out of their way to be one when they simply don't have it in them. 

I always saw an alpha male as being a strong/confident leader rather than the asshole badass they're typically portrayed as.


----------



## murakami

JeffFromMtl said:


> Not everyone has to be an alpha male douche. I agree that you can't let _anyone_ control your life, not just your woman. I'm not a dominant person per se. Some may see me as such because I seem to have an air of quiet confidence and I don't take shit from anyone. Even my girl says she was intimidated by me at first. I'm actually a really soft guy, and contrary to what your post would imply, I'm still perfectly capable of getting what I want. Hell, simply because she knows what kind of person I am, my girl's perfectly fine with having a casual and non-exclusive relationship until we can get serious again. Because she knows that I know what I want and that no matter how many girls I hook up with between now and then, she's the woman I love and she's the one I'm going to be with.
> 
> The key is not being a lapdog. That's what women find unattractive, and could be detrimental to your own person well-being. People seem to misconstrue the whole confidence thing. It isn't about being an alpha-male hardass douche that wants his woman to "shut their stupid ass mouth", as you say... Men are allowed to be sensitive. God knows I am. You just have to know who you are, and be proud of that fact. Don't compromise that for anyone.
> 
> As an aside, you should probably stop referring to women as "adults with child brains". You're going to catch a lot of shit for that. And judging from your spelling and post quality, I know many a woman who could make _you_ look like the adult with a child's brain. The plural of woman is women. It's with an e.



maybe i should have worded my reply better(without the exaggerated vulgarness), but my message and yours are essentially the same. basically, letting her know that you wont take her shit. i think this applies to both men and woman.

i dont see this coming off as an alpha male though. alpha males and asshole are too completely different things.

edit: after reading you message again, not to offend you; but what you say about yourself makes it very contradictary. the character
traits you shared about yourself would kind of put you in that alpha male description.

but knowing a person in real life and reading what they say on the internet would give completely different perspectives of someones
character suppose.


----------



## tacotiklah

Konfyouzd said:


> Absence makes the heart grow fonder... So I'm told. As long as it doesn't get cold and bitter I think we're okay.




Well he had me pick him up today so he could put gas in my car for my driving test. The man goes and fills my whole tank, when I was only asking for $10. Goddamn that man is too good to me.


----------



## Konfyouzd

If only it were that easy to please a lady hehe


----------



## -42-

ghstofperdition said:


> The man goes and fills my whole tank, when I was only asking for $10.



Bow-chicka-bow-wow


----------



## guitarister7321

So, I've started to develop a serious crush for a girl. Met her through a band mate. I always thought she was cute, but never really talked to her until this weekend. Not sure if I can tell if she likes me back or not. At sometimes it seemed maybe she did, but still not too sure. Could you guys tell me how I can know for sure?


----------



## vampiregenocide

guitarister7321 said:


> So, I've started to develop a serious crush for a girl. Met her through a band mate. I always thought she was cute, but never really talked to her until this weekend. Not sure if I can tell if she likes me back or not. At sometimes it seemed maybe she did, but still not too sure. Could you guys tell me how I can know for sure?



Dude if we could tell you that, this thread would't exist.  Best bet is to spend time with her, get to know her, and judge for yourself whether to take the gamble and ask her on a proper date.


----------



## Konfyouzd

How to know if she likes you... 

Ask her out...

Try to kiss her...

Ask her flat out how she feels about you...

Just tell yourself she does and be happy thinking so...?


----------



## guitarister7321

Okay, If I see her again this weekend, I'll talk to her again. Any tips on how to approach her/start conversing with her? I'm kind of a n00b when it comes to talking to women


----------



## Konfyouzd

Then it's time to get your feet wet, sir. No time like the present. 

(Like how I gave absolutely NO advice? )


----------



## MFB

For the love of GOD, do NOT ask her flat out how she feels about you. That never ends well.


----------



## MFB

For the love of GOD, do NOT ask her flat out how she feels about you. That never ends well.


----------



## The Reverend

guitarister7321 said:


> Okay, If I see her again this weekend, I'll talk to her again. Any tips on how to approach her/start conversing with her? I'm kind of a n00b when it comes to talking to women



I made a thread about picking up women. It doesn't work for everyone, nor is it appropriate for every situation, but it's worked for me. I'll link you to it. 

http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/off-topic/152517-how-flirt-reverends-way.html

Again, it's not always right for every situation, but it's as close as I can get to how I used to do it. It also usually only worked for mindless sex, which isn't really what you're talking about. I tried, though.


----------



## Daemoniac

18 days til the missus and my 7 year anniversary.


----------



## s_k_mullins

Daemoniac said:


> 18 days til the missus and my 7 year anniversary.



Congrats on 7 years buddy!


----------



## s_k_mullins

MFB said:


> For the love of GOD, do NOT ask her flat out how she feels about you. That never ends well.



Hey, it can work sometimes dude. I just flat out asked a girl how she felt about me... and now I've been with her for over 3 years.


----------



## DeathMetalDrew

My girlfriend and I have tickets to see Rammstein in May, bitches! -Less than a month after our 2 year anniversary- yay us!


----------



## guitarister7321

MFB said:


> For the love of GOD, do NOT ask her flat out how she feels about you. That never ends well.



Don't worry, I would never flat out ask her that! That'd be creeper


----------



## Konfyouzd

How is that a creeper move and asking a buncha guitar nerds on the net how to get a girl isn't?


----------



## Konfyouzd

... pussies


----------



## guitarister7321

Konfyouzd said:


> How is that a creeper move and asking a buncha guitar nerds on the net how to get a girl isn't?


You've actually got a pretty good point!


----------



## leandroab

Konfyouzd said:


> How is that a creeper move and asking a buncha guitar nerds on the net how to get a girl isn't?



Yeah, right? I mean... shiet negro...


----------



## tacotiklah

Im blunt and direct, so Im all for asking her what she thinks of you. Expect rejection, but you never know....


----------



## guitarister7321

I'll think I'll just wait a bit. I'll try to talk to her again, try and decide if i think she does. And if I think she might, I'll make a move. I don't want to just flat out ask her, since I only really talked to her once.


----------



## tacotiklah

guitarister7321 said:


> I'll think I'll just wait a bit. I'll try to talk to her again, try and decide if i think she does. And if I think she might, I'll make a move. I don't want to just flat out ask her, since I only really talked to her once.




Ah, well you didn't mention that you only talked to her once. I'd just try and setup ways to kick it with her then and after a few more times of hanging out, mention something to her about it.


----------



## The Reverend

ghstofperdition said:


> Ah, well you didn't mention that you only talked to her once. I'd just try and setup ways to kick it with her then and after a few more times of hanging out, mention something to her about it.



The Man of True Courage has been one of the more successful members when it comes to hooking up and staying hooked, so I'd listen to the man.


----------



## renzoip

The Reverend said:


> The Man of True Courage has been one of the more successful members when it comes to hooking up and staying hooked, so I'd listen to the man.



ghstofperdition = The new JohnIce!


----------



## tacotiklah

Hardly. 

I have the advantage of having a larger pool to select from, so the odds are more in my favor. Honestly though, I fail pretty hard with women. Guys on the other hand, I may be natural for picking up. Or just plain lucky. Either way I have a man AND Im still able to find a gf. Polyamory ftw!!!


----------



## guitarister7321

ghstofperdition said:


> Ah, well you didn't mention that you only talked to her once. I'd just try and setup ways to kick it with her then and after a few more times of hanging out, mention something to her about it.



Sounds like a good plan. I'll try to do this. 

And I thought I said I only really talked to her once?


----------



## vampiregenocide

Mixed messages for the loss. Confusing shit. I need to meet this girl and find out what's going down.


----------



## leandroab

vampiregenocide said:


> Mixed messages for the loss. Confusing shit. I need to meet this girl and find out what's going down.



I hate this shit.


----------



## tacotiklah

Ah well then reading comprehension fail. 

So my sister set me up to meet this hot lady friend of hers. Even better news is that she is bi and has a thing for bi guys. Win!!!


----------



## GalacticDeath

I'm not the kind of person to go out clubbin or partying, but I thought I would give it a shot tonight since I've never tried meeting girls in those scenarios. All I can say is that is was a complete fail for me. All my friends found a dancing partner except for me lol. I was just standing or dancing by myself most of the time. The only action I got was a girl dancing in front of me for a few seconds and then left for some reason. I guess my dancing wasn't that good haha. Yeah I really need to work on my game. Damn, even a 70 year old there was getting more action than me haha.


----------



## renzoip

Well, since you are new to the whole clubbing thing, then don't worry too much, as long as you had fun with your friends overall. Also, try different type of clubs, different places will have different crowds and environments, you may find some suit you better than others. 

For instance, when I go to clubs where they play trance/electronica, I feel a little awkward since I'm not familiar with the scene, so it's a bit more difficult for me to approach girls there. But when I go to a club that plays salsa/merengue/cumbia...


----------



## tacotiklah

Im not a fan of clubbing or raves either. Not metal enough for me. I prefer to meet guys/girls via mutual friends or in my classes. I study quite hard with them.


----------



## The Reverend

ghstofperdition said:


> Im not a fan of clubbing or raves either. Not metal enough for me. I prefer to meet guys/girls via mutual friends or in my classes. I study quite hard with them.



You are shameless, sir. Utterly and completely shameless.


----------



## GalacticDeath

renzoip said:


> Well, since you are new to the whole clubbing thing, then don't worry too much, as long as you had fun with your friends overall. Also, try different type of clubs, different places will have different crowds and environments, you may find some suit you better than others.
> 
> For instance, when I go to clubs where they play trance/electronica, I feel a little awkward since I'm not familiar with the scene, so it's a bit more difficult for me to approach girls there. But when I go to a club that plays salsa/merengue/cumbia...



Yeah, I definitely had a good time, just wish I could have at least danced with one girl lol. I've actually been working on my salsa dancing a bit so I might actually give those latin clubs a try. Thanks for the advice


----------



## renzoip

GalacticDeath said:


> Yeah, I definitely had a good time, just wish I could have at least danced with one girl lol. I've actually been working on my salsa dancing a bit so I might actually give those latin clubs a try. Thanks for the advice



There are some really good tutorial for salsa dancing on you tube. Search addicted to salsa, for instance.


----------



## tacotiklah

The Reverend said:


> You are shameless, sir. Utterly and completely shameless.



Probably. 

There's no shame in a healthy sex life. 

Also, my way allowed me to meet my current bf, who is the kindest sweetest man I could ask for. 

And clearly my family has my back too since Im meeting up with this super hot girl.


----------



## Omarfan

I don't believe in love. Not since that fateful night. It was about two years ago now. It was cold and raining outside. I had been walking home from the bus stop after working at my second of two jobs that I was working at the time to put my school. I was living with my girlfriend at the time. My high school sweetheart. We had been together since freshman year and had dated all throughout high school. We were planning on getting married immediately after we got out of college. We had rings that we wore out of a gumball machine. It was an inside joke, you wouldn't understand.

Then that horrible, dark night, I walked into our apartment. I hung up my rain-soaked coat and grabbed a bite to eat out of the fridge. Suddenly, I could hear noises coming from my room. I thought, "did I leave the TV on?" Or perhaps altogether more sinister. I decided to trust my instincts and run to my love.

There I found her, lying in my bed in the arms of my hated stepbrother who made my life a living hell while we were growing up. He was always the favorite of my stepfather who I severed all contact with three years ago. Perhaps it was revenge, I don't know. All I know is that they were mid-coitus and I was devastated. How could she do this to me? I immediately fled, tears in my eyes, to the nearest diner where I could collect and smoke my first cigarette in two years. I had quit before. Then I made a stop at the gas station and in my rage and with my at-the-time don't-give-a-fuck I simply a bottle Boone's Farm wine. I apologize, I was not in my right mind, I was in shock. I did return and pay for it later, though I can never forgive myself.

And I could never forgive her. My belief in love died that day. Perhaps it will never be resurrected. She and him are still together. And I live alone, with my pet bird.


----------



## leandroab

Omarfan said:


> I don't believe in love. Not since that fateful night. It was about two years ago now. It was cold and raining outside. I had been walking home from the bus stop after working at my second of two jobs that I was working at the time to put my school. I was living with my girlfriend at the time. My high school sweetheart. We had been together since freshman year and had dated all throughout high school. We were planning on getting married immediately after we got out of college. We had rings that we wore out of a gumball machine. It was an inside joke, you wouldn't understand.
> 
> Then that horrible, dark night, I walked into our apartment. I hung up my rain-soaked coat and grabbed a bite to eat out of the fridge. Suddenly, I could hear noises coming from my room. I thought, "did I leave the TV on?" Or perhaps altogether more sinister. I decided to trust my instincts and run to my love.
> 
> There I found her, lying in my bed in the arms of my hated stepbrother who made my life a living hell while we were growing up. He was always the favorite of my stepfather who I severed all contact with three years ago. Perhaps it was revenge, I don't know. All I know is that they were mid-coitus and I was devastated. How could she do this to me? I immediately fled, tears in my eyes, to the nearest diner where I could collect and smoke my first cigarette in two years. I had quit before. Then I made a stop at the gas station and in my rage and with my at-the-time don't-give-a-fuck I simply a bottle Boone's Farm wine. I apologize, I was not in my right mind, I was in shock. I did return and pay for it later, though I can never forgive myself.
> 
> And I could never forgive her. My belief in love died that day. Perhaps it will never be resurrected. She and him are still together. And I live alone, with my pet bird.



Fuck.


----------



## AySay

Is that a joke Omarfan? 

If so 

If not


----------



## UnderTheSign




----------



## tacotiklah

Allow me to clarify something since people don't understand and want to attack me via rep for it:

There's a BIG difference between polyamory and cheating. I have PERMISSION from my boyfriend to date and have a relationship with women. In fact, he insisted on having an open relationship as a condition for our relationship because we both want to do the wife/kid thing, but still have each other. I'd be content with having just him, but I'm also cool with dating women too. Honestly I'm fine with it either way. But way to be a biphobe and attack people over stuff you don't understand.....


----------



## vampiregenocide

There's no issue with it if both people are in complete understanding with each other, which is difficult as even bringing the subject up can upset people. I personally find that being in love with one person is complicated enough.


----------



## tacotiklah

vampiregenocide said:


> There's no issue with it if both people are in complete understanding with each other, which is difficult as even bringing the subject up can upset people. I personally find that being in love with one person is complicated enough.




Exactly. I'm 100% up front and open about who I am and what I'm about. I'd prefer to have a monogamous relationship myself, but I'm open minded to most anything. People just be jelly is all.


----------



## The Reverend

@ Omarfan - 

I personally haven't had that drastic or traumatizing of an experience, but I know very well what it's like to see proof of someone you love being unfaithful. It's worse than a breakup caused by normal seasons, because you not only lose someone you love, you have that stinging betrayal to deal with as well.

The importance of having pets to offer companionship is especially pronounced in situations kind these. My dogs have helped me get through tough times purely through their stupid dog antics. I hope your bird can provide some kind of relief for you. 

Lastly, might I be so bold as to suggest that you may have let this life event embitter you? Your posts seem to be mostly negative in tone; maybe you should try thinking positively?


----------



## Asrial

This thread needs some lighter tones since the huge bomb Omarfan dropped. 

Well, I'm a single and has been since 1st november.

Bitching about my ex for hilarity:
A week after she broke up with me (for the same reasons i wanted to break up with her), she asked me over FB if I could help her buy tickets for the train... Not for her, but for her ex before me, so he could come over to her and sleep...
I later find out she had SEVERAL boyfriends before me, she had herpes twice (FUCKING LOVE CONDOMS) and 2 abortions. All her previous boyfriends are good friends with one of my old friends, and he tells me they all think she's a psycho. *I join them*
2 weeks or so ago, she texted me in school that she needed me to help her with her math, give her a hug, and she tried to bribe me with a granola bar... Wot. 

... And new windows:
I fell into conversation with a girl in my music class a month ago approx, about musicality and defining your genre, shiz like that, tons of fun while it lasted. We chat some more, and then it's time to pick new school bands! Some of my old band members kind of went seperate ways, I was alone, and just went by with 2 guys that I've talked with in the past... And she tags along as a vocalist!
Like every time we meet at class and shiz, we joke around and make really really cheesy/odd jokes. (I'm the bassist, and it's limited with chairs, so I sit on the bass amp. I pulled a funny face and said it was pleasant to sit on; she was dead laughing ) Also since, we've always sat close to, if not directly next to each other.
Body language analysis is also approving that she likes me.
She is definately one I'll aim for


----------



## tacotiklah

Went and met that girl. My sister failed to mention that this girl already had a boyfriend. Fail.


----------



## leandroab

ghstofperdition said:


> Went and met that girl. My sister failed to mention that this girl already had a boyfriend. Fail.



Wow wtf.


----------



## Slamp

Single now for two weeks, got the news today that she has moved on with another guy. which didn't brighten my day....


So what did i do?

I just ordered a 72527 black flame Agile pendulum.
Did it make me feel better? actually yes, yes it did


----------



## renzoip

Good call!


Also, try not worrying too much about whatever she is doing and instead focusing on whatever you are doing.


----------



## Slamp

That is great advice Sir
Just have to let my logical side fight it out with my emotional side on that one.


----------



## vampiregenocide

Or you could kill him.


----------



## soliloquy

Omarfan said:


> I don't believe in love. Not since that fateful night. It was about two years ago now. It was cold and raining outside. I had been walking home from the bus stop after working at my second of two jobs that I was working at the time to put my school. I was living with my girlfriend at the time. My high school sweetheart. We had been together since freshman year and had dated all throughout high school. We were planning on getting married immediately after we got out of college. We had rings that we wore out of a gumball machine. It was an inside joke, you wouldn't understand.
> 
> Then that horrible, dark night, I walked into our apartment. I hung up my rain-soaked coat and grabbed a bite to eat out of the fridge. Suddenly, I could hear noises coming from my room. I thought, "did I leave the TV on?" Or perhaps altogether more sinister. I decided to trust my instincts and run to my love.
> 
> There I found her, lying in my bed in the arms of my hated stepbrother who made my life a living hell while we were growing up. He was always the favorite of my stepfather who I severed all contact with three years ago. Perhaps it was revenge, I don't know. All I know is that they were mid-coitus and I was devastated. How could she do this to me? I immediately fled, tears in my eyes, to the nearest diner where I could collect and smoke my first cigarette in two years. I had quit before. Then I made a stop at the gas station and in my rage and with my at-the-time don't-give-a-fuck I simply a bottle Boone's Farm wine. I apologize, I was not in my right mind, I was in shock. I did return and pay for it later, though I can never forgive myself.
> 
> And I could never forgive her. My belief in love died that day. Perhaps it will never be resurrected. She and him are still together. And I live alone, with my pet bird.




snakes with tits!
snakes with tits! 

what you had there was/is no love my friend. she was stupid. you deserve better and you live your life. 

but seriously, snakes with tits!


----------



## zakattak192

So today, I hung out with a female friend I hadn't really seen since middle school (We both graduated from high school in June). After 8th grade, she moved out of state, but we kept in touch over facebook and such. She came back to PA for xmas and today we hung out and it was awesome. She's pretty much just a way better looking version of me. With a vagina. She loves Suffocation and Goatwhore and Cannibal Corpse and Death and Obituary and shit, and when we were in the car, I had Dark Angel on and she turned it up. Dream woman hahaha.

We hung out today and sat in my bed watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia for about an hour and a half, and then went and hung out with some of my friends before she had to go to dinner with her family.

After she had dinner, I picked her back up and we watched some movies (The Breakfast Club and The Virginity Hit, in case anyone really cares), and we snuggled and cuddled and shit under my covers and shit and held hands. It was cute as SHIT. (I say shit alot). This was the closest I've felt to a female in over a year and a half, so it was definitely pretty awesome.

The thing that sucks is that she has a plane ticket home on thursday... but her grandmom gave her the option of either going home, or staying with her, but she has to have her things shipped here, and she has to move out with her mom in like a year or something.

I just hope she stays here in PA cause she's fucking awesome.

I just had an awesome day today (best day I've had in a VERY long time), so I figured I would share with you guys :3


----------



## tacotiklah

Been with my man for almost 2 months. Woot-hoot! 

I wanna do something nice for him on the 13th. Sadly, I haz no monies. So that nice thing will be delayed until after my financial aid comes in.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

ghstofperdition said:


> Been with my man for almost 2 months. Woot-hoot!
> 
> I wanna do something nice for him on the 13th. Sadly, I haz no monies. So that nice thing will be delayed until after my financial aid comes in.



I can ship myself over there in a big box. Don't worry..that's just the beginning of the gift


----------



## AK DRAGON

ghstofperdition said:


> Been with my man for almost 2 months. Woot-hoot!
> 
> I wanna do something nice for him on the 13th. Sadly, I haz no monies. So that nice thing will be delayed until after my financial aid comes in.



Just spending the day with him and making him feel extra special should be enough. It's the thought that counts.


----------



## tacotiklah

AK DRAGON said:


> Just spending the day with him and making him feel extra special should be enough. It's the thought that counts.



I kinda like Drak's idea too. Nothing says "I love you" to your gay lover quite like the promise of having both your booties destroyed by a big black man....


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

ghstofperdition said:


> I kinda like Drak's idea too. Nothing says "I love you" to your gay lover quite like the promise of having both your booties destroyed by a big black man....



It's the gift that keeps on giving...and giving...and giving...and giving...until you call the police...


But yeah..me and the ol' man celebrated our 1 year anniversary on New Years. I never thought I'd be in a relationship this long. We got some problems but we're working on them. I think the fact that I haven't snapped his neck and stuffed him in a wood chipper proves how much I actually love him..that L word..blechhh


----------



## MFB

There are assloads of hot chicks in San Fran, I think I might get whiplash


----------



## tacotiklah

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> It's the gift that keeps on giving...and giving...and giving...and giving...until you call the police...


That reminded me of the walrus from that one Ren and Stimpy episode where they sell rubber nipples..... "Call the po-leeeeeeeeeese" 

Edit: Here it is...
call the police - YouTube




DrakkarTyrannis said:


> But yeah..me and the ol' man celebrated our 1 year anniversary on New Years. I never thought I'd be in a relationship this long. We got some problems but we're working on them. I think the fact that I haven't snapped his neck and stuffed him in a wood chipper proves how much I actually love him..that L word..blechhh



Yeah I'm pretty surprised that my boyfriend and I get along so well. We've only ever had one disagreement and that was settled pretty quick. I think he's just a passive guy and lets me have my way. 

Usually by 2 months in, I'm ready to find concrete shoes for the other person I'm dating so this is a milestone for me. How the hell I stayed engaged to a girl for 4 years is beyond me. 

Oh and it's ok to love someone Drak. It's not like you'll mel.........oh shit. Yeah I guess loving someone CAN make you melt. My bad.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

ghstofperdition said:


> That reminded me of the walrus from that one Ren and Stimpy episode where they sell rubber nipples..... "Call the po-leeeeeeeeeese"
> 
> Edit: Here it is...
> call the police - YouTube
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah I'm pretty surprised that my boyfriend and I get along so well. We've only ever had one disagreement and that was settled pretty quick. I think he's just a passive guy and lets me have my way.
> 
> Usually by 2 months in, I'm ready to find concrete shoes for the other person I'm dating so this is a milestone for me. How the hell I stayed engaged to a girl for 4 years is beyond me.
> 
> Oh and it's ok to love someone Drak. It's not like you'll mel.........oh shit. Yeah I guess loving someone CAN make you melt. My bad.



Yeah, I love him. I went from a hateful anti-social troll..to a hateful anti-social troll..who's now one of them there new-fangled domesticated gays. I can honestly say I enjoy it. Sometimes I feel sorry for him having to put up with me though


----------



## tacotiklah

Well there's nothing wrong with that. We all need a partner in crime. Although my man is so shy and reserved, that the only crime I think he's ever committed was cutting off his long, dark, sexy hair. He showed me a pic of how his hair used to be and I was stunned.....


----------



## glassmoon0fo

just wanted to share. after a long day of moving my buddy's stuff into a 3rd story apartment, me and my gf came in to change. I took off my jeans and said "FUCK CLOTHES" and she immediately said "GET PJs!" . she's awesome haha.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

ghstofperdition said:


> Well there's nothing wrong with that. We all need a partner in crime. Although my man is so shy and reserved, that the only crime I think he's ever committed was cutting off his long, dark, sexy hair. He showed me a pic of how his hair used to be and I was stunned.....



You needs to provide pics of this man


----------



## tacotiklah

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> You needs to provide pics of this man



Since he is closeted, posting pics of him on a public forum is a big no-no. Dont wanna end this relationship that quickly.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

ghstofperdition said:


> Since he is closeted, posting pics of him on a public forum is a big no-no. Dont wanna end this relationship that quickly.



Well then I need to come down there and see him. I just wanna show up outta nowhere, pick him up by his shirt, shake the shit out of him and scream "ADAM IS VERY FOND OF YOU...GOOD WORK..YOU SEEM LIKE A NICE YOUNG MAN" and then walk away, leaving him confused and his pants full of soilage


----------



## tacotiklah

Oh dear god, Id almost pay to see that. Ive been trying to nudge him into coming out, but with no luck. That would scare him senseless. Meh, on second thought, I love him too much to scare him that badly. 


But just know that you aren't the first person to suggest doing something along those lines to him.


----------



## leandroab




----------



## tacotiklah

Dont hate Leandro. 

Im now labelling my failbird car as a cockblock. Despite all that cash Ive dumped into it, it wont pass smog and therefore sits in my driveway. I have a hot guy begging me to pick him up for alone time, and nothing will happen thanks to a lack of reliable transportation. First world problems.....


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

ghstofperdition said:


> Dont hate Leandro.
> 
> Im now labelling my failbird car as a cockblock. Despite all that cash Ive dumped into it, it wont pass smog and therefore sits in my driveway. I have a hot guy begging me to pick him up for alone time, and nothing will happen thanks to a lack of reliable transportation. First world problems.....



Find a fat bitch...get a saddle...get a chipotle burrito on a stick.....???...profit


----------



## Scar Symmetry

I now believe in love at first sight...

























































Because I finally have my iPhone 4S.


----------



## leandroab

ghstofperdition said:


> Dont hate Leandro.
> 
> Im now labelling my failbird car as a cockblock. Despite all that cash Ive dumped into it, it wont pass smog and therefore sits in my driveway. I have a hot guy begging me to pick him up for alone time, and nothing will happen thanks to a lack of reliable transportation. First world problems.....



Oh I don't hate... hahah

Fuck smog dude.. Get the car and pick him up. Sex > environmental problems.


----------



## Jakke

And smog is a bit retro, right? I mean back in the seventies it was the smoke-machine, and that' kinda the same.... 

Ah fuck it, I got nothing... Go with the fat bitch idea...


----------



## BucketheadRules

Scar Symmetry said:


> I now believe in love at first sight...
> 
> 
> Because I finally have my iPhone 4S.



Is it a white one?


----------



## MFB

So, had class today and ended up hanging with this girl who I'd seen around the school here and there. We were in the same group and ended up walking around the marketplace during our break, then split a pizza before going back to class. She seems nice and I actually want to you know, get to know her. Weird.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

well today my girlfriend and i broke up.
we had been together almost 3 years... it was a mutual decision because we both want different things out of life, but it is the hardest thing in the world because we both still love each other...
that said, it was the most mature breakup i have been through...
needless to say i am drinking heavily atm. just thought i would whine to you guys


----------



## tacotiklah

leandroab said:


> Oh I don't hate... hahah
> 
> Fuck smog dude.. Get the car and pick him up. Sex > environmental problems.



Tell that to the cops when they take my car and haul me to jail.... 

My boyfriend HAD to go and live on the other side of town, right where cops patrol the most


----------



## leandroab

ghstofperdition said:


> Tell that to the cops when they take my car and haul me to jail....
> 
> My boyfriend HAD to go and live on the other side of town, right where cops patrol the most



Wow, CA IS really _gay*_ with the environmental shit huh?




*"pun" not intended


----------



## tacotiklah

Maybe it's just me, but has anyone else seen the cougar dating ad that pops up at the top of this thread?


----------



## vampiregenocide

I am now taken.


----------



## Jakke

vampiregenocide said:


> I am now taken.



Damn...















/JK


----------



## vampiregenocide

Jakke said:


> Damn...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> /JK




We both know you weren't joking.


----------



## Jakke

vampiregenocide said:


> We both know you weren't joking.



Awww, you got me


----------



## tacotiklah

She better treat my english muffin well, or I'll choke a bitch... 

Congrats Ross!


----------



## vampiregenocide

Haha cheers guys.  This relationship has progressed pretty fast, as we haven't known each other long, but we both feel comfortable and I feel like this one might actually last.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

^Good on you mate 

Not my story, but relevant to this thread, and somewhat amusing.

My best friend has been trying to ask this girl out for a few months now. She hasn't been putting it off or anything, it's just that he's literally never had the chance. A chief reason especially being that she has a condition where she faints and then has muscle spasms, she's been off school a lot.

Yesterday a bunch of our friends went out, then on the platform at the train station going home, he asked her out.
She said yes.

Then she fainted


----------



## Jakke

Not unto the rails I hope


----------



## vampiregenocide

Captain Shoggoth said:


> chief reason especially being that she has a condition where *she faints* and then has muscle spasms, she's been off school a lot.



That could come in handy.  Or be very dangerous...


----------



## leandroab

Captain Shoggoth said:


> Yesterday a bunch of our friends went out, then on the platform at the train station going home, he asked her out.
> She said yes.
> 
> Then she fainted



Oh my god... 

This is cute hahahah

The girl I'm dating (which is somewhere around Chile right now) told me to watch Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. Needless to say I think I'm in love... hahahahhaha


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

^d'awwwww



Jakke said:


> Not unto the rails I hope



I was actually thinking that afterwards, luckily no 



vampiregenocide said:


> That could come in handy.  Or be very dangerous...



Again, my thoughts exactly


----------



## BlindingLight7

UPDATE:

Got with psychobitch and pissed her off cause I told her it wouldn't work out and dumped her. psycho has fucked about ~5 other dudes in the past month probably because of me, she also lost her job and is living with a dude thats 34 (she is 22 with a 1 yearold). 

Should I feel bad? Cause I don't.

Edit: To reiterate, I feel really bad for her son.. he was a pretty cool cat.=\


----------



## Jakke

Captain Shoggoth said:


> I was actually thinking that afterwards, luckily no



It could have been amusing in a very dark way though.. He likes a girl, she finally says yes, and then falls on the third rail....

Yeah, I have problems....


Luckily nothing happened 
Best of luck to them both!


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

BlindingLight7 said:


> UPDATE:
> 
> Got with psychobitch and pissed her off cause I told her it wouldn't work out and dumped her. psycho has fucked about ~5 other dudes in the past month probably because of me, she also lost her job and is living with a dude thats 34 (she is 22 with a 1 yearold).
> 
> Should I feel bad? Cause I don't.



Such failure is inexcusable, ignore.

That said I would probably feel bad if I were in your situation, but it's out of your hands.



Jakke said:


> It could have been amusing in a very dark way though.. He likes a girl, she finally says yes, and then falls on the third rail....
> 
> Yeah, I have problems....
> 
> 
> Luckily nothing happened
> Best of luck to them both!



I'm gonna link him to this thread to show him I'm not the only one!


----------



## -42-

ghstofperdition said:


> Maybe it's just me, but has anyone else seen the cougar dating ad that pops up at the top of this thread?



Lately the ad has been for "hot single men in my area." I'll trade you.


----------



## tacotiklah

-42- said:


> Lately the ad has been for "hot single men in my area." I'll trade you.




Well since my bf has given me the ok to date other guys too, sure. 

Yeah, we had a long talk and since he isn't down for some of my basic needs in bed, I can find someone to cover them. Sucks because I'd rather he just man up and do them himself, but he has this weird stigma of what m2m acts are "gay" and what are not. Crazy, I know....


----------



## leandroab

No ads with adblocker!


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

ghstofperdition said:


> Well since my bf has given me the ok to date other guys too, sure.
> 
> Yeah, we had a long talk and since he isn't down for some of my basic needs in bed, I can find someone to cover them. Sucks because I'd rather he just man up and do them himself, but he has this weird stigma of what m2m acts are "gay" and what are not. Crazy, I know....



Beware man...bi guys are always full of that shit and you learn to avoid them after a while. That being said..me and my boyfriend are (were) both tops....I won..


----------



## tacotiklah

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> Beware man...bi guys are always full of that shit and you learn to avoid them after a while. That being said..me and my boyfriend are (were) both tops....I won..



I'm a genuine bottom, and he is neither. I feel neglected.... *foreveralone.jpeg*


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

ghstofperdition said:


> I'm a genuine bottom, and he is neither. I feel neglected.... *foreveralone.jpeg*



As a straight guy, I have to ask, why do you choose bottom? I can't understand it


----------



## Jakke

Captain Shoggoth said:


> As a straight guy, I have to ask, why do you choose bottom? I can't understand it



I wanted to ask it too, but I didn't dare do it


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

Captain Shoggoth said:


> As a straight guy, I have to ask, why do you choose bottom? I can't understand it



Prostate stimulation..the orgasm from which is extremely intense. You can actually make a man orgasm from that alone without touching him anywhere else. It's referred to as the male G spot. Don't believe it? Try it with a finger..many straight guys do


----------



## vampiregenocide

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> Prostate stimulation..the orgasm from which is extremely intense. You can actually make a man orgasm from that alone without touching him anywhere else. It's referred to as the male G spot. Don't believe it? Try it with a finger..many straight guys do



Is that why it feels so good to take a dump?


----------



## tacotiklah

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> Prostate stimulation..the orgasm from which is extremely intense. You can actually make a man orgasm from that alone without touching him anywhere else. It's referred to as the male G spot. Don't believe it? Try it with a finger..many straight guys do



This pretty much sums it up. Even better, you can orgasm this way while still flaccid. It's a little weird at first, but feels freakin' incredible. Especially when you find a top that knows what he is doing. I'm actually a versatile, meaning I'm ok with doing either, but with a preference for bottom. It's one of those things that you have to experience to understand.

And to answer your question Ross, yes and no. In the case of crapping, it feels good because there are sensitive nerve endings in the anus region that is almost as sensitive as the ones on your shaft. 
But prostate simulation is a different thing, and probably the most intense orgasm you will ever have in your life....


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

*every dude in this thread takes a mental note regardless of his sexual orientation or inclination to admit he has done so*

Cheers for telling us guys


----------



## vampiregenocide

ghstofperdition said:


> And to answer your question Ross, yes and no. In the case of crapping, it feels good because there are sensitive nerve endings in the anus region that is almost as sensitive as the ones on your shaft.
> But prostate simulation is a different thing, and probably the most intense orgasm you will ever have in your life....



I'll stick to the traditional method for now.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

vampiregenocide said:


> Is that why it feels so good to take a dump?



No..buttsex isn't taking a dump in reverse


----------



## Randy

vampiregenocide said:


> I'll stick to the traditional method for now.





DrakkarTyrannis said:


> No..buttsex isn't taking a dump in reverse



Well, the intercourse itself kinda would be. I'm sure the prostate stimulation thing is great but yeah, you have to spread your butthole open and get something in there to find out. That's a pretty significant hurdle to get over. 

Also, I'd imagine we're leaning against the rating level of this forum pretty heavily at this point.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

Randy said:


> Well, the intercourse itself kinda would be. I'm sure the prostate stimulation thing is great but yeah, you have to spread your butthole open and get something in there to find out. That's a pretty significant hurdle to get over.



It's not as difficult as you think. It's mainly an issue of relaxing..once you've done that, you're fine.

Somewhat related..I'm stuck at my parents' house for two weeks while I help them due to medical reasons..goddamn I miss being home with the boyfriend..when I get back in that damn house....whew lawd..


----------



## Pooluke41

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> goddamn I miss being home with the boyfriend..when I get back in that damn house....whew lawd..


----------



## Greatoliver

*reads recent posts*





.....


----------



## UnderTheSign

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> No..buttsex isn't taking a dump in reverse


Necris said exactly the same thing when I asked him  I'm not too inclined to find out anytime soon so I'll just believe you guys.


----------



## AK DRAGON

*ponders how we got so far off topic*

TMI!!!


----------



## -42-

...Uhhh, nevermind.

Found a girl with a thing for bassists. Score. Let the fingering jokes commence.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

[*chuckle* G string *guffaw*]



Good for you man!


----------



## tacotiklah

Yeah, I'm with Randy. Any more queries into gay sex can be p.m.'ed to me. I'd rather not ruin someone's childhood here.... 

Fyi though, plenty of straight guys have discovered the joy I shared with their girlfriends, so don't feel bad for being curious....


----------



## BucketheadRules

-42- said:


> ...Uhhh, nevermind.
> 
> Found a girl with a thing for bassists. Score. Let the fingering jokes commence.



Something a friend of mine once said:

"Bassists finger better, and snipers get more head."


----------



## tacotiklah

But as guitarists we need to be sure to avoid fingering A minor, or we risk getting our asses thrown in jail. *rimshot*

Anyways, I'm still on the hunt for both a girlfriend and a boyfriend. Still striking out. I'll now join the ranks of forever semi-alone.... ;_;


----------



## Thrashmanzac

i just broke up with my girlfriend of three years man, ill join you in the forever alone club


----------



## Mr Violence

I'll throw this scenario at you guys, in very brief form.

I had just started dating my ex. I met another girl and hung out with her a lot and became really good friends with her. Always had a spark but I'm not a shithead and I loved my girlfriend, legitimately.

Well, during that year and a half, other girl hooks up with my best friend. Not a big deal, I'm happily in a relationship, but stings a little. Anyways, he reveals it to me and also reveals that he was aware I kinda had a thing for her. I can't be upset, I have a girlfriend.

Well, I lose girlfriend and other girl and I start to hang out all the time. I express my interest in her to my best friend and he says it was a very short lived thing and he has no feelings. I'm okay with that.

Nothing comes of it, I tell her how I have always had a crush. She says her too but she doesn't know what it means right now. Okay.

I get with a third girl for a few months and fall off the grid. I've already covered what happened to that earlier in the thread. That ends a violent and painful death.


I am hanging out with friend girl a lot again, then get the inkling that she's hooking up with best friend again. At this point, he is well aware of my feelings. So is she, and she seems to vehemently hide it. He really does not give a fuck about this chick.



So my question is this, should I yell at my best friend for being a fucking jackass or her for letting me take her out or stay at my place while knowing how I feel or let the whole thing go?



I feel like such a fucking puss about it.


----------



## Gamma362

Mr Violence said:


> I'll throw this scenario at you guys, in very brief form.
> 
> I had just started dating my ex. I met another girl and hung out with her a lot and became really good friends with her. Always had a spark but I'm not a shithead and I loved my girlfriend, legitimately.
> 
> Well, during that year and a half, other girl hooks up with my best friend. Not a big deal, I'm happily in a relationship, but stings a little. Anyways, he reveals it to me and also reveals that he was aware I kinda had a thing for her. I can't be upset, I have a girlfriend.
> 
> Well, I lose girlfriend and other girl and I start to hang out all the time. I express my interest in her to my best friend and he says it was a very short lived thing and he has no feelings. I'm okay with that.
> 
> Nothing comes of it, I tell her how I have always had a crush. She says her too but she doesn't know what it means right now. Okay.
> 
> I get with a third girl for a few months and fall off the grid. I've already covered what happened to that earlier in the thread. That ends a violent and painful death.
> 
> 
> I am hanging out with friend girl a lot again, then get the inkling that she's hooking up with best friend again. At this point, he is well aware of my feelings. So is she, and she seems to vehemently hide it. He really does not give a fuck about this chick.
> 
> 
> 
> So my question is this, should I yell at my best friend for being a fucking jackass or her for letting me take her out or stay at my place while knowing how I feel or let the whole thing go?
> 
> 
> 
> I feel like such a fucking puss about it.



Just let it go at this point. Its not worht freaking out over, or worrying about. Just be thankful you have her as a friend, and just look else where for the relationship.


----------



## leandroab

Mr Violence said:


> So my question is this, should I yell at my best friend for being a fucking jackass or her for letting me take her out or stay at my place while knowing how I feel or let the whole thing go?



Just let it go man. It seems that this is going nowhere, and that you have plenty of options out there as well, so forget about it!


----------



## Aevolve

Girlfriend made a djent reference, thall reference, and Pokemon reference simultaneously today.

I knew I made the right fucking choice.


----------



## MFB

Looks like my lady friend might have a boyfriend, most unexcellent. Gotta play this one nice and cool boys, nice and cool.


----------



## UnderTheSign

MFB said:


> Looks like my lady friend might have a boyfriend, most unexcellent. Gotta play this one nice and cool boys, nice and cool.


Ya mean wear gloves, don't make a mess and hide the corpse somewhere he won't find it?


----------



## MFB

UnderTheSign said:


> Ya mean wear gloves, don't make a mess and hide the corpse somewhere he won't find it?



That's plan B, plan A is currently seeing if she really does THEN figuring out what to do if the answer is yes. She lives an hour away so I'd most likely give up the hunt, but if not then it's game on


----------



## Nile

So a girl comes back and says sorry, and knows she fucked a lot and in pretty serious ways. If I tell her to fuck off and she's a cunt, how bad could she take it? She must feel pain I cannot deliver with a rock.




Also, who the fuck is Johnice?


----------



## Jakke

Nile said:


> Also, who the fuck is Johnice?



A long-time member, and also a very popular one, if you can take a hint...


----------



## Lukifer

So just realized we had a relationship thread. Just what I needed when me and the wife are in serious turmoil and I have been drinking!!!

So to make a long story short, I think Im the verge of a divorce and will lose my house, my pets, my furniture, but not my guitars or my Harley!!! So dont know what to think about relationships right now......


----------



## Nile

Lukifer said:


> So just realized we had a relationship thread. Just what I needed when me and the wife are in serious turmoil and I have been drinking!!!
> 
> So to make a long story short, I think Im the verge of a divorce and will lose my house, my pets, my furniture, but not my guitars or my Harley!!! So dont know what to think about relationships right now......



Resolve it as friends, and stay together in the house so neither of you, mostly you, don't get fucked over it. Same old feelings might spark at some point. Just be friends, because the fights could be caused from a relationship stand point. Although, I have no experience in your situation nor do I know the full details of what's happening so take it with a grain of salt.


----------



## Lukifer

Well SS.org your the first to know. Tonight its decided. Im getting divorced. But I get to keep the house and the Harley and guitars. Loosing situation but maybe one day it will turn out better for the both of us. Still epic fail on my part. I know internet doesnt show moods or voice inflection, Im torn up like hell. Time to rebuild.......


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Lukifer said:


> Well SS.org your the first to know. Tonight its decided. Im getting divorced. But I get to keep the house and the Harley and guitars. Loosing situation but maybe one day it will turn out better for the both of us. Still epic fail on my part. I know internet doesnt show moods or voice inflection, Im torn up like hell. Time to rebuild.......



Come to norman and drink some more!


----------



## Lukifer

HaMMerHeD said:


> Come to norman and drink some more!



Sounds like a good plan sometime!! ill bring my guitars!!


----------



## tacotiklah

Haters gonna hate:_
normally i wouldn't do this, but seriously; why are you looking for two? why can't you just commit to one? you're risking hurting one or the other. thats really fucking selfish, buddy. fucking grow up_

It's called polyamory dude. It's not hurting anybody if I'm up front about it and all parties are cool with it. But thanks for attacking me for a second time. Next time, please just pm me....


But for shits and giggles I'll explain it for the umpteenth time:

I am polyamorous. That means I have multiple relationships. I'm one of the bi guys that wants both a girlfriend and a boyfriend. My current boyfriend and I have virtually no relationship at the moment, and he suggested that I find a 2nd guy to fulfill all my needs that he can't. It takes really open minded people to do this, and it's why I'm having difficult finding people. Not many people are up for sharing. But I know that there are people out there that are cool with it. I'm just trying to find them. It doesn't hurt him at all, and we give each other dating tips. If anything, it's another way to make us closer because cheating isn't possible in a polyamorous relationship, provided that I talk to him first about it. It's the deception and lying that makes it cheating. 
Read up on it, and learn. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

Getting tired of the attacks and judgment people....


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

ghstofperdition said:


> Haters gonna hate:_
> normally i wouldn't do this, but seriously; why are you looking for two? why can't you just commit to one? you're risking hurting one or the other. thats really fucking selfish, buddy. fucking grow up_
> 
> It's called polyamory dude. It's not hurting anybody if I'm up front about it and all parties are cool with it. But thanks for attacking me for a second time. Next time, please just pm me....
> 
> 
> But for shits and giggles I'll explain it for the umpteenth time:
> 
> I am polyamorous. That means I have multiple relationships. I'm one of the bi guys that wants both a girlfriend and a boyfriend. My current boyfriend and I have virtually no relationship at the moment, and he suggested that I find a 2nd guy to fulfill all my needs that he can't. It takes really open minded people to do this, and it's why I'm having difficult finding people. Not many people are up for sharing. But I know that there are people out there that are cool with it. I'm just trying to find them. It doesn't hurt him at all, and we give each other dating tips. If anything, it's another way to make us closer because cheating isn't possible in a polyamorous relationship, provided that I talk to him first about it. It's the deception and lying that makes it cheating.
> Read up on it, and learn. Polyamory - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
> 
> Getting tired of the attacks and judgment people....



 People are getting way to happy with the neg-rep..oh the anonymity of the internet


----------



## Jakke

WTF is up with the neg-rep? (as Drakkar also kindly already has pointed out)

Is there an internet moral police, here to enforce how you should live you life? I would not go polygamy myself, but if that makes you happy, the more power to you. 

Isn't this to be considered rep abuse?


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

Jakke said:


> WTF is up with the neg-rep? (as Drakkar also kindly already has pointed out)
> 
> Is there an internet moral police, here to enforce how you should live you life? I would not go polygamy myself, but if that makes you happy, the more power to you.
> 
> Isn't this to be considered rep abuse?



It should be..as similar things have happened to many forumites..idiots misread or get butthurt about the stupidest things, therefore neg-rep because some post doesn't fit their view of morality or whatever. So instead of confronting the person and maybe coming to an understanding..sneaking an anonymous neg-rep makes them feel like they threw a punch and got away


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

Don't sweat neg rep dude. If someone wants to put down something you've said where you can't respond and not even tell you who they are then they aren't worth your time.


----------



## Jakke

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> It should be..as similar things have happened to many forumites..idiots misread or get butthurt about the stupidest things, therefore neg-rep because some post doesn't fit their view of morality or whatever. So instead of confronting the person and maybe coming to an understanding..sneaking an anonymous neg-rep makes them feel like they threw a punch and got away



Yeah, happened to me lots of times. And it is as shoggoth says, it is a cowardly way of interaction.

I mean, morality is highly subjective, so unless someone is talking about how they killed someone, why neg-rep them on a morality issue?


----------



## tacotiklah

Neg repping me for sexuality and being polyamorous is the only thing I will publicly bring up so that the neg repper can be shown what an asshat they are. Otherwise I don't care and I let it go. But this is something that is so fucking stupid that I refuse to let it go until that person can learn to private message me and discuss it like men. If it means banning me, so be it, but I will not be harassed about who I date. I have the right to post here about multiple relationships same as anyone else. By all means neg rep me for complaining about the rep, since I earned it, but to do it as a means to cast judgment on me regarding consensual polyamory is just plain wrong.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

ghstofperdition said:


> Neg repping me for sexuality and being polyamorous is the only thing I will publicly bring up so that the neg repper can be shown what an asshat they are. Otherwise I don't care and I let it go. But this is something that is so fucking stupid that I refuse to let it go until that person can learn to private message me and discuss it like men. If it means banning me, so be it, but I will not be harassed about who I date. I have the right to post here about multiple relationships same as anyone else. By all means neg rep me for complaining about the rep, since I earned it, but to do it as a means to cast judgment on me regarding consensual polyamory is just plain wrong.



Go to a mod. I really think they need to start jacking people up about their rep abuse. You neg-rep for things that are actually offensive..not just because your personal viewpoint wasn't shared.


----------



## tacotiklah

Soooo......

Let's keep the thread moving since it's been a big help to people shall we?


Got to see my man Saturday. It would have been even more amazing if I had a few minutes alone with him, but due to him being closeted, no pda at all around other people. I can't tell you how hard it is to have the man you love next to you refuse to kiss you because of fear of reactions and judgment by other people. *sigh*
Shit is getting old....


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

ghstofperdition said:


> Soooo......
> 
> Let's keep the thread moving since it's been a big help to people shall we?
> 
> 
> Got to see my man Saturday. It would have been even more amazing if I had a few minutes alone with him, but due to him being closeted, no pda at all around other people. I can't tell you how hard it is to have the man you love next to you refuse to kiss you because of fear of reactions and judgment by other people. *sigh*
> Shit is getting old....



I know you might not wanna hear it..but that's always a bad sign. Closeted guys have a lot of hangups and you often find after a while it's just not worth dealing with.


----------



## tacotiklah

Believe me, I'm getting to that point. Take away the 'Im not bi' hangups, and he really is the perfect guy. Probably why I haven't ended it yet. But something's gotta give. I even told him up front I don't date closet cases for this very reason and was assured it could work. Fail. I aim that mainly at myself for wanting to believe him.


----------



## Necris

Jakke said:


> A long-time member, and also a very popular one, if you can take a hint...


I want JohnIce in my pants.


----------



## MFB

Ghst, that's a tricky situation and while as perfect as he may be, if he's not out and cool with being in public with you then I'd say it might be time to move and let him see what it means to you. That was one of the problems with my ex, was she wasnt big into PDAs and in the beginning it wasnt a big deal; but then later if I wanted to hold her hand or even use the term "girlfriend" or say "I'm her boyfriend" you'd think I just killed her cats.


----------



## Cabinet

ghstofperdition said:


> Soooo......
> 
> Let's keep the thread moving since it's been a big help to people shall we?
> 
> 
> Got to see my man Saturday. It would have been even more amazing if I had a few minutes alone with him, but due to him being closeted, no pda at all around other people. I can't tell you how hard it is to have the man you love next to you refuse to kiss you because of fear of reactions and judgment by other people. *sigh*
> Shit is getting old....



That's sad to hear man  I can't imagine how hard that can be.
But hey, I envy that you're comfortable with your sexuality. I've been struggling with being bi curious for about 3-4 years now. I know I like women, but men, it's like there's just a gray area there.

best of luck to you


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

ghstofperdition said:


> Believe me, I'm getting to that point. Take away the 'Im not bi' hangups, and he really is the perfect guy. Probably why I haven't ended it yet. But something's gotta give. I even told him up front I don't date closet cases for this very reason and was assured it could work. Fail. I aim that mainly at myself for wanting to believe him.



It happens. When feelings are involved it's hard to just break away. I pride myself on being a mean bastard..but my boyfriend gets away with murder and it's surprising how soft I've become when it comes to him. Sometimes it's hard to put your foot down. If your're smart..which you are..you'll know when you've definitely had enough. Hopefully it comes sooner than later. Then you'll find someone you can actually rely on and you'll see the world of difference it makes.



Cabinet said:


> That's sad to hear man  I can't imagine how hard that can be.
> But hey, I envy that you're comfortable with your sexuality. I've been struggling with being bi curious for about 3-4 years now. I know I like women, but men, it's like there's just a gray area there.
> 
> best of luck to you



You want me to fix that problem for you? *insert Gunna Get Raped face here*

But seriously, you have the time to sort it out. Maybe it's just something you want to try, maybe it's nothing..who knows? If you wanna PM me about it so it doesn't take up the whole thread I'd be happy to talk to you about it. It's always good to talk to a seasoned sexual deviant before deciding to go down that road


----------



## tacotiklah

Cabinet said:


> That's sad to hear man  I can't imagine how hard that can be.
> But hey, I envy that you're comfortable with your sexuality. I've been struggling with being bi curious for about 3-4 years now. I know I like women, but men, it's like there's just a gray area there.
> 
> best of luck to you



Thanks man, and I wanna say it took a lot of guts to say that in an open forum. You're braver by far than you credit yourself for. Be proud of that dude. And there are parts of my sexuality that I'm still working out, so it hasn't been peaches and cream so far. I share these stories and feelings in hopes that "straights" can see we aren't so different and experience much of the same issues. I also have a penchant for bitching about things, so I figure I'd put it to some good use here.

I guess since we're all being brave and coming out and stuff, I'll share a bit more in hopes that this is the last major piece of my sexuality to deal with. That and why my man and I haven't been so hot lately...

I realized that I may well be transgendered and have begun exploring that side of me. Told some family and friends and they are cool with it for the most part. Some more accepting than others. My bf was the first person I told, and he is not happy with it at all. Apparently presenting myself as a chick means I'm no longer the same person he met, and that I'm wrong for misleading him about it. Truthfully I didn't fully realize it until right before I told him. So when I figured it out, he was the first to know.

But yeah, that's why I've been short tempered and distant lately. I'm tired of all this revelations and crap, but they're necessary for me to grow as a person. Frankly I'd rather get smashed and forget it all, but then the problem would still be there, plus a splitting fucking hangover to go along with it. May as well grow some balls, hitch up my skirt and deal with it....


----------



## Sicarius

That feeling you get when you still love your ex.

then you find out she just got married.


----------



## BlindingLight7

What do you do when one of your best best best best friends tells you they have Terminal cancer and have feelings for you?

Fuck.... :|


----------



## Sicarius

You want the selfish response or the self-less?


----------



## BlindingLight7

Both.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

I think the best thing to ask is how you feel about that person. Is this a person you've wanted a relationship with or not? The fact that the person has a terminal disease is only barely relevant. It may be what inspired him/her/it to confess his/her/its feelings to you, but does it really have to influence your response?


----------



## stevo1

If you don't have the same feeling for them, Tell them, and then be there for them. You don't want to lead them on or do anything like that if they're terminal. secondly, the reason why she told you might not be so clear (whether she has limited time, or she wants someone there for her etc.). If you do have feelings for this person, then relationize yourselves, and enjoy the time you have. Don't enter a relationship out of pity. It will hurt you or the other in the end.


----------



## Sicarius

It could end up being like your own personal "A Walk to Remember"

and dammit that was a beautiful movie.

edit:
So I'll throw out my sob story, to help move things along:

First things first, life sucks when you're a fat Fatist, especially when you look like this:






I'm pretty much black and white when it comes to what I'm attracted to. Tall, fit to what I call "healthy/average" which is still skinny, but anyway. It's nothing more than my rationalization of my own hypocritical shallowness of which I'm painfully aware.

Anyway, one bad break up leads to a friendship with a chick I made on Xanga. She was cool, we were into the same music, and whatever, so we started talking. Feb rolls around and Dir en Grey is about to head out on their first US Headliner, so we go (she's in dallas). After a terrible time with her dad thinking I just kidnapped his only daughter, we get to go, and from there we decide to give the long distance thing a go. I change jobs to make more money, and I spend about a whole check ($500) a month or so going to see her for a weekend at a time. 
Around Easter one year, my grandma goes into the hospital, and my time off with work gets screwed up, so I can't go see her. In retaliation for "lying and not keeping my promises" she cheats on me with some friend of hers that's been trying to get in her pants for years.

This should have been the first flag, but I forgive, and keep going. My family holds my grandmother's funeral for a day or two, so I can go up there and sort things out, and I have to take my friend with me because I can't swing the trip on my own. Went over well enough, I guess.

She meets new people at her college which are basically a group of semi-unattractive people who just fuck each other. And they get her to join in. I'm left confused, and with her daddy issues being waved about in my face, I continue to ignore the real issue (her being young, crazy, and really really vindictive). 
So I stick it out, trying to be a good friend, for like a year, I think we get to a point where we are rebuilding our relationship, when it was just a ploy, and she's been seeing two other guys on the side for months while playing with me. 

I'm leaving a concert in Oct with a friend of mine, and I call her to see how she's doing, and she says, "Funny thing, my friends said I might be pregnant" 
"how's that? You haven't had sex since I was there in August"
"Is this one of those things I'm not supposed to tell you about?" ( I told her to not tell me about her friends because I didn't see that they actually cared about her, they just wanted to fuck her. She's 5'5" 110lbs and a former Pointe ballet performer, she's fuckin' hot with nice 34C tits). 

SO yea, that lead to a few months of terrible shit, me moving to another job because I wanted her to move with me, and we could start a real life together, and she tells me she's in love with some other guy. After me moving into a 9-1-1 call taking spot that gave me a mild case of PTSD.

Anyway, I love the girl, even with all the fighting the lying and cheating, I'd always been able to be passive aggressive resentful, but still forgiving. Anyway this all ended at the start of... 2009, I think. Haven't spoken to her since, it was a terrible break up.

today I get to creepin' on facebook, and I see that she got married recently. 

And the feeling in my chest was the weirdest thing I've ever felt. I don't know if it was the torch going out, or my heart breaking again. I'd always thought, "Maybe if I can prove myself to her again, to her family, that I can be successful, that she'd give us another chance." And now that's never going to happen.

Not that it would anyway, the girl pretty much hates me.

There's another ex, the first one. But she's a die hard hipster now, and lives in Nebraska, and I can't stand the hipster mentality...

tl;dr: The foreveralone.jpg is my real life.


----------



## BlindingLight7

Well, she's definitely the happiest, sweetest and most sselfless person I've ever met. I do like her a LOT.

She is very scared of leaving her lazy ass BF that she fully supports ,this guy has no GED, no license, but has an AMAZING job and blows all his money on booze and treats her like a fucking door mat. She has 2 jobs now and barely gets the bills paid each month...but she's still in love with him supposedly... yet she thinks i'm better in every way...what the fuck 

should I just be there and hope for the best? I really want whatever is best for her and it's definitely not living out her days with this cunt of a "boyfriend" she has ...

That wasn't the best use of grammar ... my apologies


----------



## BlindingLight7

Sicarius said:


> sob story



Duuuude...fuck that bitch. 

I know how you feel though, sometimes the ones you think are so great really aren't, no matter how much you have in common


----------



## Sicarius

I guess be the Knight in shining armor. If you think you'll be able to handle the medical issues as it progresses, then go for it.

Oh, I know. I'm that kind of guy that only really loves someone, and it's pathetically cheesey, but it really is forever. My first g/f and I talked for a while, and I know she only does it to tease me when she's single, but the girl has a nice body, and I'm okay with it by now.

The hipster thing is new, and only fully blossomed about a year ago. Hopefully she'll move out of it, and I can get a shot. We've talked about it plenty, I just have to get up there for us to try. But, I'm really starting to love the Texas weather, since it's not fucking freezing every winter here.

And I don't have to worry about Tornados. Cat 3 Hurricane? Ain't a thing. Tornado of any kind? Oh fuck no.


----------



## BlindingLight7

Dude if she really wanted you she wouldn't make you move just to DATE her


----------



## Varcolac

Sicarius said:


> sob



I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but you really need to meet new women. Obsessing over exes is unhealthy at best. You need to move on. Don't negatively impact _your_ quality of life for a _chance_ at being with someone, and don't expect anything from a former flame: things ended between you the first time around, and it'd be unrealistic to expect eternal happiness (or even a night of passion) the second time around.


----------



## metal_sam14

I just moved in with my girlfriend! We both scored high paying full time jobs this year and things are pretty good so we shacked up. its pretty cool


----------



## Sicarius

BlindingLight7 said:


> Dude if she really wanted you she wouldn't make you move just to DATE her


I'm not very well going to say to her to move for the same reason. I've wanted to move to a different state to open new doors and what not, but not Nebraska. I imagine the result of me walking out of the airport in their winter is the same effect of movies freezing someone with Liquid Nitrogen and then breaking them.




Varcolac said:


> I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but you really need to meet new women. Obsessing over exes is unhealthy at best. You need to move on. Don't negatively impact _your_ quality of life for a _chance_ at being with someone, and don't expect anything from a former flame: things ended between you the first time around, and it'd be unrealistic to expect eternal happiness (or even a night of passion) the second time around.



It's not an obsession, I was just facebook creepin' and found out the last one got hitched and it felt weird. I'm a weird dude, and have a very forgiving nature, the two of them were my best friends at important points in my life, and I missed that. If anything it's naive, but it's not an obsession. The first g/f and I talk intermittently when one of us is depressed or just bored. There's no harm, and we've both expressed an interest in trying again since we were both young and stupid the first time around. But she doesn't like Houston for obvious reasons someone not from the city wouldn't like, and I'm afraid of tornados and blizzards, as someone from a not snowy area would be want to do.

Anyway, I'm thinking of going to Oklahoma after I get my degree and maybe get a fulltime job with one of the colleges there. All the research I've done says OK and TX are very similar with prices and cost of living. I think OK has a higher Sales Tax and State income tax. Fresh start, y'know?


----------



## Necris

ghstofperdition said:


> I realized that I may well be transgendered and have begun exploring that side of me. Told some family and friends and they are cool with it for the most part. Some more accepting than others. My bf was the first person I told, and he is not happy with it at all. Apparently presenting myself as a chick means I'm no longer the same person he met, and that I'm wrong for misleading him about it. Truthfully I didn't fully realize it until right before I told him. So when I figured it out, he was the first to know.


One of the hardest parts about self-discoveries like this is how being open and honest about them can push people away from you when you may need their support the most. Good on you for not hiding it though. If your boyfriend can't accept or support you exploring this part of yourself I'd say it's time to move on. I may be biased though.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

BlindingLight7 said:


> What do you do when one of your best best best best friends tells you they have Terminal cancer and have feelings for you?
> 
> Fuck.... :|



I'm just repping this cause fuck man, that's shitty awful, and if I can do anything in the slightest to attempt to counterbalance it to restore balance to the universe (even if it's just a symbolic gesture) I will 

I can't offer any help though, other than if you DO feel the same way, this is your chance to be a hero


----------



## Konfyouzd

BlindingLight7 said:


> *Story about a girl who clearly doen't know what she wants out of life and/or is too concerned with things you can't control...*


 
Well if she's this much of a headache dating someone else imagine how heavy she'll be on YOUR arm... 

Knight in shining armor seems to be the most appealing thing for some people. You see a girl that you find attractive. Lo n behold you guys have a few things in common...

BUT... 

She's an emotional shit show and now you feel as though--because you care about this person--it's worth it to take on their problems if it means getting closer to said person. This sounds great ideally, but more often than not they end up just bringing you down with them. I'm not trying to be insensitive, I've just seen far too many times that I'll meet a girl who is unhappy that I think I can make happy bc I seem to already and a few months down the road I'm just as unhappy as her but now I feel stuck.


----------



## murakami

Sicarius said:


> It could end up being like your own personal "A Walk to Remember"
> 
> and dammit that was a beautiful movie.
> 
> edit:
> So I'll throw out my sob story, to help move things along:
> 
> First things first, life sucks when you're a fat Fatist, especially when you look like this:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I'm pretty much black and white when it comes to what I'm attracted to. Tall, fit to what I call "healthy/average" which is still skinny, but anyway. It's nothing more than my rationalization of my own hypocritical shallowness of which I'm painfully aware.
> 
> Anyway, one bad break up leads to a friendship with a chick I made on Xanga. She was cool, we were into the same music, and whatever, so we started talking. Feb rolls around and Dir en Grey is about to head out on their first US Headliner, so we go (she's in dallas). After a terrible time with her dad thinking I just kidnapped his only daughter, we get to go, and from there we decide to give the long distance thing a go. I change jobs to make more money, and I spend about a whole check ($500) a month or so going to see her for a weekend at a time.
> Around Easter one year, my grandma goes into the hospital, and my time off with work gets screwed up, so I can't go see her. In retaliation for "lying and not keeping my promises" she cheats on me with some friend of hers that's been trying to get in her pants for years.
> 
> This should have been the first flag, but I forgive, and keep going. My family holds my grandmother's funeral for a day or two, so I can go up there and sort things out, and I have to take my friend with me because I can't swing the trip on my own. Went over well enough, I guess.
> 
> She meets new people at her college which are basically a group of semi-unattractive people who just fuck each other. And they get her to join in. I'm left confused, and with her daddy issues being waved about in my face, I continue to ignore the real issue (her being young, crazy, and really really vindictive).
> So I stick it out, trying to be a good friend, for like a year, I think we get to a point where we are rebuilding our relationship, when it was just a ploy, and she's been seeing two other guys on the side for months while playing with me.
> 
> I'm leaving a concert in Oct with a friend of mine, and I call her to see how she's doing, and she says, "Funny thing, my friends said I might be pregnant"
> "how's that? You haven't had sex since I was there in August"
> "Is this one of those things I'm not supposed to tell you about?" ( I told her to not tell me about her friends because I didn't see that they actually cared about her, they just wanted to fuck her. She's 5'5" 110lbs and a former Pointe ballet performer, she's fuckin' hot with nice 34C tits).
> 
> SO yea, that lead to a few months of terrible shit, me moving to another job because I wanted her to move with me, and we could start a real life together, and she tells me she's in love with some other guy. After me moving into a 9-1-1 call taking spot that gave me a mild case of PTSD.
> 
> Anyway, I love the girl, even with all the fighting the lying and cheating, I'd always been able to be passive aggressive resentful, but still forgiving. Anyway this all ended at the start of... 2009, I think. Haven't spoken to her since, it was a terrible break up.
> 
> today I get to creepin' on facebook, and I see that she got married recently.
> 
> And the feeling in my chest was the weirdest thing I've ever felt. I don't know if it was the torch going out, or my heart breaking again. I'd always thought, "Maybe if I can prove myself to her again, to her family, that I can be successful, that she'd give us another chance." And now that's never going to happen.
> 
> Not that it would anyway, the girl pretty much hates me.
> 
> There's another ex, the first one. But she's a die hard hipster now, and lives in Nebraska, and I can't stand the hipster mentality...
> 
> tl;dr: The foreveralone.jpg is my real life.




i know this wont mean much, but you're better of without her. 

i can't say to you, " move on, things will be better" because it's obvious the heart wants what it wants... but she is fucking careless and destructive to your life. i know you cant see it, but her out of your life is like a tumor cut out.

to be honest, i feel sorry for the guy she married. i wonder how long that'll last... and when it all falls apart, DON'T BE THE GUY SHE NEEDS A SHOULD TO CRY ON. you'll just be enabling her poor attitude. hope that piece of shit crashes and burns. hope she can't have babies.


----------



## murakami

Konfyouzd said:


> Well if she's this much of a headache dating someone else imagine how heavy she'll be on YOUR arm...
> 
> Knight in shining armor seems to be the most appealing thing for some people. You see a girl that you find attractive. Lo n behold you guys have a few things in common...
> 
> BUT...
> 
> She's an emotional shit show and now you feel as though--because you care about this person--it's worth it to take on their problems if it means getting closer to said person. This sounds great ideally, but more often than not they end up just bringing you down with them. I'm not trying to be insensitive, I've just seen far too many times that I'll meet a girl who is unhappy that I think I can make happy bc I seem to already and a few months down the road I'm just as unhappy as her but now I feel stuck.



i agree. people just chase after hot/attractive physical attritubes and when all the dust settles, you find out you're with someone who has a pretty bad personality.

don't people know that when a person is in love, it makes them glow? it's so visible and you can find any woman/man attractive when they're truly happy,
but it's up to you to keep it that way buy actually clicking with a good relationship(not fucking sex all the time and shit) e.g. talking, knowing when they need space. smiling across the room even though you live together etc... flowers go a long as well.


----------



## leandroab

BlindingLight7 said:


> What do you do when one of your best best best best friends tells you they have Terminal cancer and have feelings for you?
> 
> Fuck.... :|



Dude, that's so fucking sucky... oh man


----------



## Konfyouzd

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> I know you might not wanna hear it..but that's always a bad sign. Closeted guys have a lot of hangups and you often find after a while it's just not worth dealing with.


 
Kinda like chicks whose daddies don't like your year-round tan. 

Eventually that shit comes to a head.


----------



## Sicarius

murakami said:


> i know this wont mean much, but you're better of without her.
> 
> i can't say to you, " move on, things will be better" because it's obvious the heart wants what it wants... but she is fucking careless and destructive to your life. i know you cant see it, but her out of your life is like a tumor cut out.
> 
> to be honest, i feel sorry for the guy she married. i wonder how long that'll last... and when it all falls apart, DON'T BE THE GUY SHE NEEDS A SHOULD TO CRY ON. you'll just be enabling her poor attitude. hope that piece of shit crashes and burns. hope she can't have babies.


we haven't spoken since '09, so that won't be a problem.

The amusing thing is that she married an Army guy, so who knows how long it'll take before she gets knocked up, if she isn't already. 

She's the only girl out of 7 boys, so I hope she has triplets.


----------



## Jakke

Konfyouzd said:


> Kinda like chicks whose daddies don't like your year-round tan.
> 
> Eventually that shit comes to a head.



Are those still left in the developed world?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Unfortunately yes... 

You'd be surprised the things I hear from women about why they can't/won't date a black guy. None of their reasons involve truth or logic. 

I think some folks just organize their priorities differently than I do.


----------



## Jakke

Konfyouzd said:


> Unfortunately yes...



Too bad...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Mehh... It's all good. Better to find out early than to feel uncomfortable at your own damn wedding.


----------



## Jakke

Yeah... Better find out that way than having your father in law wheeze "Geeet off my lawn" over the barrel of a shotgun at said wedding...


To be consistant though, there are probably a fair amount of fathers that would disapprove of my lack of a year round tan


----------



## Customisbetter

Here is something I've gotten into lately that I'm not 100% sure where i stand on it.

My GF and I spend a lot of time together, and also we have set Tuesday as a dedicated date night.

Well our classes are starting and we both work, her about 20 hrs/wk and 40 hrs for me. Neither of us are available until 9 PM tonight and we both will have been at class or work from 8AM. I suggested that maybe we should get together tomorrow night seeing as we are both free at 6 PM. She got really upset and said that I hurt her for not trying to spend the hour or so with her tonight. She also said that apperently I don't value our time together as much as she does.

How do I approach this situation? I was polite and honest but it seems that every time i open my mouth I just upset her more. Then when I'm frustrated that I can't do anything correctly and I get apologetic, she gets annoyed that I'm indecisive and won't stand up for myself.

Not sure what to do...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Customisbetter said:


> Here is something I've gotten into lately that I'm not 100% sure where i stand on it.
> 
> My GF and I spend a lot of time together, and also we have set Tuesday as a dedicated date night.
> 
> Well our classes and are starting and she has work. Neither of us are available until 9 PM tonight and we both will have been at class or work from 8AM. I suggested that maybe we should get together tomorrow night seeing as we are both free at 6 PM. She got really upset and said that I hurt her for not trying to spend the hour or so with her tonight. She also said that apperently I don't value our time together as much as she does.
> 
> How do I approach this situation? I was polite and honest but it seems that every time i open my mouth I just upset her more. Then when I'm frustrated that I can't do anything correctly and I get apologetic, she gets annoyed that I'm indecisive and won't stand up for myself.
> 
> Not sure what to do...


 
Well this looks like another classic case. You make a logical suggestion and she blows up thinking with her emotions. On the one hand I "sort of" get where she's coming from, but your idea seems to make more sense.

Do both your schedules vary from week to week?

Why not just suggest moving date night altogether since it seems Tuesdays may no longer be doable?

In a way it's honestly cute that she wants to see you so badly that she's even willing to try and squeeze in a little one hour date with you considering the FULL day the both of you had. On the other hand, it simply makes more sense that you both handle your business and if that means you can't see each other one night, then I'd say that's not that big a deal.

If I had to guess I'd say she's upset bc you asked to move tonight's date. If you suggest changing the day altogether she may not be as upset, but then again, I dunno your lady.


----------



## Customisbetter

Thanks for the advice brutha!  Gonna talk it over with her.


----------



## murakami

Customisbetter said:


> Here is something I've gotten into lately that I'm not 100% sure where i stand on it.
> 
> My GF and I spend a lot of time together, and also we have set Tuesday as a dedicated date night.
> 
> Well our classes are starting and we both work, her about 20 hrs/wk and 40 hrs for me. Neither of us are available until 9 PM tonight and we both will have been at class or work from 8AM. I suggested that maybe we should get together tomorrow night seeing as we are both free at 6 PM. She got really upset and said that I hurt her for not trying to spend the hour or so with her tonight. She also said that apperently I don't value our time together as much as she does.
> 
> How do I approach this situation? I was polite and honest but it seems that every time i open my mouth I just upset her more. Then when I'm frustrated that I can't do anything correctly and I get apologetic, she gets annoyed that I'm indecisive and won't stand up for myself.
> 
> Not sure what to do...


 
in a situation like this, woman cannot understand logic. you have to bite the bullet and not justify why you didn't have time to spend with her. i encourage you to buy her something(as superficial as that is) or take her out somewhere out that she'll really enjoy(a guarantee homerun like a restaurant she loves but rarely goes to). apoligzing more will not work. you just have to show to her that you do enjoy your time together. what ever that may be is up to you, but make sure shes likes it more than you do which will give her the impression that you are willing to do things that are, otherwise, boring for you but am willing to sacrfice just to make her happy.

a woman can really sense effort in a man, despite their inability to rationalize. strike the heart not the brain, so to speak(for women haha)


----------



## renzoip

As much as I dislike the show, I swear some people totally illustrate this:


----------



## Sicarius

yeah.. I've seen it happen first hand.

I'm all for crazy girls, obviously, but there is a too crazy.

I haven't found it yet. But I've heard war stories..



murakami said:


> in a situation like this, woman cannot understand logic. you have to bite the bullet and not justify why you didn't have time to spend with her. i encourage you to buy her something(as superficial as that is) or* take her out somewhere out that she'll really enjoy(a guarantee homerun like a restaurant she loves but rarely goes to)*. apoligzing more will not work. you just have to show to her that you do enjoy your time together. what ever that may be is up to you, but make sure shes likes it more than you do which will give her the impression that you are willing to do things that are, otherwise, boring for you but am willing to sacrfice just to make her happy.
> 
> a woman can really sense effort in a man, despite their inability to rationalize. strike the heart not the brain, so to speak(for women haha)



To the bolded area. Don't make it her absolutely favorite restaurant, or she'll get paranoid. 

"OMG ARE YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME"
"IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO MAKE A SCENE, WELL HERE IT IS"

that kind of thing.


----------



## Jakke

This is highly relevant:


----------



## leandroab

Jakke said:


> This is highly relevant:




how exactly?


----------



## MFB

Well, got to see lady-friend today for a few minutes since she happened to have snuck down to the library while I was in there and just talked for a minute. Tomorrow is class 3 out of 5 which blows since that means its halfway over and after that I wont see her unless its around campus or we make it a priority (she lives an hour away)


----------



## Jakke

leandroab said:


> how exactly?



Because of the bonanza in gay sex earlier, I thought I'd show you a situation with straight sex between two men


----------



## myampslouder

renzoip said:


> As much as I dislike the show, I swear some people totally illustrate this:




Lmao. I still to this day have no clue what I did to piss of one of my friends to the point that she wouldn't speak to me for a year.


----------



## Ryan Duke

renzoip said:


> As much as I dislike the show, I swear some people totally illustrate this:




That is a good illustration of teenagers.


----------



## Sicarius

Ryan Duke said:


> That is a good illustration of teenagers.


pun intended


----------



## BlindingLight7

Konfyouzd said:


> Well if she's this much of a headache dating someone else imagine how heavy she'll be on YOUR arm...
> 
> Knight in shining armor seems to be the most appealing thing for some people. You see a girl that you find attractive. Lo n behold you guys have a few things in common...
> 
> BUT...
> 
> She's an emotional shit show and now you feel as though--because you care about this person--it's worth it to take on their problems if it means getting closer to said person. This sounds great ideally, but more often than not they end up just bringing you down with them. I'm not trying to be insensitive, I've just seen far too many times that I'll meet a girl who is unhappy that I think I can make happy bc I seem to already and a few months down the road I'm just as unhappy as her but now I feel stuck.


True dude, I'm still going to be there for her though, she doesn't want to burden me, her words.

Stuff looks like it's going to work out for the best of both parties, she's kicking out her p.o.s boyfriend whom I found out beats on her when he's drunk, She is scarred up pretty bad from her previous cancer, I never really thought about him causing some of them =\


----------



## Customisbetter

Report:

Left class early and surprised her as she was leaving work. I brought her some of her favorite flowers and some things shes wanted for a while and I apologized. Thing went pretty well last night and we are back on track.

Always remember: NEVER say anything other than "sorry". Do not explain yourself, do not try to clarify anything. the less you speak the better. I followed this rule and it worked beautifully.


----------



## Mr Violence

Customisbetter said:


> Report:
> 
> Left class early and surprised her as she was leaving work. I brought her some of her favorite flowers and some things shes wanted for a while and I apologized. Thing went pretty well last night and we are back on track.
> 
> Always remember: NEVER say anything other than "sorry". Do not explain yourself, do not try to clarify anything. the less you speak the better. I followed this rule and it worked beautifully.



While I'm glad it worked out and completely understand your angle, this has been a point of contention with women and me. If you can't understand the logical reasoning behind a decision without guilt tripping the absolutely shit out of me, you can kindly fuck off. This behavior has seemed to waned as I've gotten older and have been hanging with girls in their mid 20s. They've probably learned at this point that relationships aren't fairy tales.



In many cases, what I've learned is most women have terribly selective hearing and will jump at the chance to be hurt or offended.

The man says: "I'm beat and it wouldn't be worth it to come see you when I can see you for much longer and in a much better state of mind tomorrow."

The woman hears: "It's not worth it to see you."



Just interjecting my experiences. Again, glad you worked it out, because you can play those cards and fix everything. I'm too stubborn to want to fix that train of thought, though.

/rant


----------



## BlindingLight7

Well the BF went through her phone and read all of our texts, and subsequently beat the shit out of her, now she's scared to leave him...and I feel like a bag of shit =\


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

Get her out of there duder. Regardless of whether you want to be in a relationship with this girl or you just want to be friends, she deserves better and than fuckhead, who doesn't deserve shit. If you're stronger than him, give him a good beating too, with a kick from me.


----------



## leandroab

BlindingLight7 said:


> Well the BF went through her phone and read all of our texts, and subsequently beat the shit out of her, now she's scared to leave him...and I feel like a bag of shit =\



Wow dude, tell her family! Call da police!


----------



## BlindingLight7

I offered her to stay here and she really doesn't want cops involved, she has been told so bullmuch shit that she actually believes it's her fault somehow...


----------



## UnderTheSign

Either get the cops involved or get her outta there yourself. Wether she wants you to or not, shit's going wrong there and someone's gotta do it man.


----------



## BlindingLight7

Well I've mentioned that to her but she DOES NOT want cops involved due to her drug use and all that, I guess that could be an issue, I don't really know that much about that sort of stuff.

I honestly think If I just got her out it would cause more harm then good also, I honestly think this guy would track me or her down and bad things would follow.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

BlindingLight7 said:


> Well I've mentioned that to her but she DOES NOT want cops involved due to her drug use and all that, I guess that could be an issue, I don't really know that much about that sort of stuff.
> 
> I honestly think If I just got her out it would cause more harm then good also, I honestly think this guy would track me or her down and bad things would follow.



Yeah dude...seriously...just leave it alone. You can't be a superhero..it only comes back to kick you in the ass later. Just walk away


----------



## tacotiklah

Abused women have a form of Stockholm Syndrome. They end up believing they deserve to have the living shit beat out of them, and refuse to leave their abusers. If you're 10 tons of badass with piss and vinegar in your veins, then I'd say go pay that man a visit with a lead pipe. Otherwise, walk away from it entirely. Add in the fact that she's strung out on shit, and there is just NO way that she is in the right frame of mind to protect herself. Just remember that if you do go after the guy, you gotta be able to live with the consequences, both legal and otherwise.

Me personally, I'd kick his ass, put a restraining order on him, and put her in rehab. But that's just me.


----------



## BlindingLight7

Yeah ,I'm going to walk away from it, I can't get tied up in it right now especially with all the shit that is happening to my livelihood at the moment.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

BlindingLight7 said:


> Yeah ,I'm going to walk away from it, I can't get tied up in it right now especially with all the shit that is happening to my livelihood at the moment.



Good move...trust me..seriously don't let people influence you to do something..it will only get bad


----------



## Customisbetter

Id rather her hate me for helping than knowing that I walked away without trying to help.


----------



## Sicarius

Yeah, walking away is the best move. 

I tried to help my ex, to show her that her friends weren't really worth it all, and she would allow herself to get into situations she couldn't get out of. But she saw it as being controlling, and that why she never spoke to me again.

Funnier thing: She and I were on a paintball forum together, and we both participated in an Atheism thread. While I was playing a game she and a friend of mine got into it, and she blamed me for the whole thing. When I left the game and went back to see the thread, a lot of shit was missing and I still don't know what happened, except that my friend stood up for me and bitched her the fuck out for being a bitch and a 1/2. She could never except that's what friends do for each other, and she probably still thinks that I was somehow telling him what to say.

In life there are going to be real, obvious flags that shit needs to end and you HAVE to walk away. I had about 15 with that girl, and never paid attention to them because I wanted to be the superhero, and it's just not worth it.

Fuckin' love hindsight.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Sicarius said:


> I tried to help my ex, to show her that her friends weren't really worth it all, and she would allow herself to get into situations she couldn't get out of. But she saw it as being controlling, and that why she never spoke to me again.


 
If I may play devil's advocate for one second:

Despite your intentions, can you not see how one "might" see what you've described as controlling? No one ever wants to be told they shouldn't hang out w/ someone if that's what they're currently content with doing. That's shit your parents do, ya know?

Further, the girl seemed to be a bit naive to a lot of things anyway. Seems there was quite the maturity gap based on your version of the story. Calling you controlling may simply have been a cop out. 

I've noticed that a lot of women my age seem to be going off the wall with this "independent woman" nonesense. They seem to take that to mean that if you have a job you can do whatever you want. 

But a lot of my female friends will get into stupid situations be it financial, social, whatever... And when I ask, "Well why wouldn't you just...?" And immediately they seem turned off by the idea as if I'm trying to control their lives. Either that or maybe the fact that I came up with a simple solution so quickly makes them feel stupid so they just say anything to end the convo.


----------



## Sicarius

I see how it was now, but at the time I was too hurt I guess.

DUDE I know what you mean. It's like they're either jaded to the idea of being in a relationship, or they want to party it out since they didn't get enough in college.


----------



## Konfyouzd

This is why I'm going after the older ones, but they don't seem to be any better some of the time. I was talking to my dad about this and I guess he thinks I'm struggling to find a woman or something (haven't had a gf since like 2004... I think...?) and he told me that once they hit 28 they become incredibly desperate if they're not in a committed relationship. (Epic parental advice is epic.) 

I think I'm seeing that earlier than 28, though. A lot of the chicks I know are maybe 23 at the most. There's much life to be lived at that point in your life and they're talking about "I just wanna find someone I can spend my life with." 

Right, but you don't even so much as have your own apartment. 

Also, having a significant other for some is the same as having an iPhone for some. It's just something to say you have bc it seems like everyone who's anybody has it.

I prefer peace of mind over bragging rights.


----------



## Sicarius

Same.

At this point, I get so turned off by women my own age, I've just kind of stopped looking or even trying. I've got to get my shit together first, anyway. Credit Cards, student loans, and finding my own place are top priorities.

I've always liked girls that were younger than me, for the simple reason state above with chicks my own age.

Like 23-24 is a good age, especially if you can start something with them before they've reached that "fuck relationships, fuck men" stage. and even 24 is pushing it for a lot of the girls here.

Doesn't help I'm not attracted to big girls, who seem to be the only ones attracted to me.. (I'm a skinny person trapped in a fat)


----------



## Konfyouzd

I like all shapes and sizes... I just don't see their heads in the right place.

I've been out of my parents house for as long as I could afford to support myself. And I may not have fully been able to do so in the beginning, but I made it work. 

I recently bought a house and I think about things now like:

-At what point am I going to try to refinance this thing so I can stop paying PMI?
-I wonder what it'd look like if I extended the deck and added a patio...?
-What's my tax return going to look like now? 

Most women my age think about:

-I wonder why that guy I met at the bar hasn't called yet.
-I wonder what time we're hittin the bar tonight.
-I need another $300 pair of boots bc looking cute > eating.

And it just seems like most ppl my age are stuck in the "let's party bc college wasn't enough," phase like you said.

My mind set is more along the lines of: "Let's work as hard as possible for now so that I don't have to later in life when I may or may not be able." 

So that, coupled with the large amount of responsiblity I've chosen to take on (with respect to most of my friends who haven't even moved out of their parents' houses yet) makes it difficult for me to choose a woman to be with from what's currently in front of me. They simply don't view things the same bc life for most folks my age is all play and minimal work. 

I've also grown to enjoy being alone to an extent. The gravity of "dying alone" clearly hasn't sunk in yet. 

Long story short, I just notice a severe lack of drive in a lot of folks in my age group. Or perhaps I'm just too damn serious...


----------



## Sicarius

Yeah, I take things a little less seriously, but being 25 and living at home has definitely left it's mark. It's so embarrassing, but until I can get promoted to full time, or find another weekend job that isn't working for Retail, there's not much I can do with a set schedule, and max of 19.5 hours to work at school.

At least I get a staff parking pass out of it.

I decided to give Ok Cupid a 3rd try, and lately I've been getting matches that are vegetarian hipsters, and it's really disparaging. I'm all for living healthy, but you can tell a lot of them are faking


----------



## Konfyouzd

At least you're trying. I don't even see that much in my peers. I think I just need new friends. 

By the way I'm only 26 and I think a lot of my situation was just me getting lucky.

Also, I feel like to an extent until you really know someone they're ALWAYS kinda faking something. Projecting who you want to be (or who you want people to think you are) seems far more important to some ppl than being onself; I notice this more and more as I get older. The internet seems to facilitate this kind of behavior. 

I never really looked into internet dating. I'm on a few sites that facilitate such a thing, but I hardly ever look to PM any of the ladies or meet up with them. I like to read the convos in the discussion forums so I can understand what might be going through women's heads when logic doesn't lead me to a proper answer. 

I would probably be a far less serious person if I had a gf and/or went out to get laid more frequently, but to be honest I think I may not have gotten as far as I have--at least not by this point--had I let such a thing rank higher on my list of priorities w/o being rich and/or famous... But who knows...?


----------



## Sicarius

So, foreveralone.jpg is my life

and the disregardfemales/aquirecurrency.jpg is yours.

Ah, attaching memes to lives explains everything.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Hahahaha... Yes indeed. 

I think I listened to too much Tupac as a child.

"M.O.B, mang!"


----------



## tacotiklah

I'm still trying to find a suitable meme that represents my 'get laid, get paid' attitude and doesn't have anything with the porn industry. 

Truthfully, I'm a crazy bitch with more bad issues than guitar world.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^Awesome


----------



## tacotiklah

Not really. I'd rather have my head on straight. The good news is that I'm getting there. Hopefully when I get all my sexuality and gender issues sorted out, it'll lead to a calmer and less angry person. Which would translate to more stable relationships in the future.

Inb4 'cool story sis, but it lacks the rich subject of magikarp'


That said, I'm hanging back on doing much with anybody, including my bf, until school starts again and things get a little better.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

Konfyouzd said:


> I recently bought a house and I think about things now like:
> 
> -At what point am I going to try to refinance this thing so I can stop paying PMI?
> -I wonder what it'd look like if I extended the deck and added a patio...?
> -What's my tax return going to look like now?



Dude I _totally_ want to be thinking about that stuff when I'm 26


----------



## tacotiklah

I'm 26 and Konfyouzd has me beat. Kudos for having your shit together dude!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Wouldn't say I got it completely together, but I'm working on it.


----------



## Lukifer

So last night it became official. My wife moved out and we are filing for divorce. Things just couldnt work between us. I tried to change but I just wasn't willing go be a completely different person to make her happy. She wanted someone I couldn't be. I have baggage, I'm a 2 time Iraq war vet and was diagnosed with PTSD and depression. So it took a big toll on things. We made the agreement mutually so there won't be any fighting over who gets what or court battles. I hope it goes smooth and that she can be happy In life.


----------



## Sicarius

Sucks man. Hopefully it goes peacefully.


----------



## murakami

thats very big of you, man. not a lot of people can step away from a divorce saying that.


----------



## Jakke

I'm sorry man, I hope both of you can find a relation where you can be happier.


----------



## USMarine75

Better to be happier apart than miserable together...


----------



## Konfyouzd

USMarine75 said:


> Better to be happier apart than miserable together...


 
Yea... Like intestinal gas...


----------



## Lukifer

So far we decided on the money and dividing up our stuff. No lawyers needed and no battles over anything. Think it will be mostly civil but will still hurt and suck. I hope she is happier without me dragging her down.


----------



## The Reverend

Lukifer said:


> So far we decided on the money and dividing up our stuff. No lawyers needed and no battles over anything. Think it will be mostly civil but will still hurt and suck. I hope she is happier without me dragging her down.



I don't know you, or know how your marriage worked, but I do know that judging by your previous statements you're a sensible person who's very self-aware. Having said that, if you're currently of the opinion that you are dragging her down due to your baggage, you're not giving yourself enough credit. I'm assuming somewhere in your wedding vows were the words "for better or for worse," and her being unwilling or even unable to accept and deal with what you've got going on inside doesn't live up to those vows. 

Don't disparage yourself, brother.


----------



## CrownofWorms

Just wondering, does having a good friendship with a chick lasts lobger than a bf/gf type relationship?


----------



## MFB

CrownofWorms said:


> Just wondering, does having a good friendship with a chick lasts lobger than a bf/gf type relationship?



They can but thats a different type of relationship than bf/gf so its kind of apples to oranges

Edit : happy 5000th post


----------



## Lukifer

The Reverend said:


> I don't know you, or know how your marriage worked, but I do know that judging by your previous statements you're a sensible person who's very self-aware. Having said that, if you're currently of the opinion that you are dragging her down due to your baggage, you're not giving yourself enough credit. I'm assuming somewhere in your wedding vows were the words "for better or for worse," and her being unwilling or even unable to accept and deal with what you've got going on inside doesn't live up to those vows.
> 
> Don't disparage yourself, brother.



Thanks man. Im pretty hard on myself sometimes and dont give myself much credit. 

I guess it all boiled down to we both wanted each other to change and neither of us were willing to do so. Me changing to make her happy was making me miserable, in turn I was moody alot so she would be bitchy right back. It was an endless circle. I still love her but we both dont think we should be married to each other. Ahh its going to be a long weekend!


----------



## tacotiklah

Sorry to hear that Lukifer, but you both have my respect for staying mature adults about it. I've seen plenty of divorces get down-right brutal and immature. Hope that you guys can find happiness as friends where you couldn't as partners....


----------



## Polyformic

Not the most active here, but I read most of the posts in here.

I'm currently in the army, doing my one-year service most norwegian youths do. 
I got a girlfriend before I joined the army, and we kinda discussed the case with me moving away, and doing my service. We both knew that this were going to be a hard year, and agreed to at least try. So, the time goes. We don't get to spend so much time together, and I try to enjoy the time we have together as much as I can. After 5 months, she begins to get angry at me for no reason. We argue almost everytime we talk to eachother, and she doesn't like that I ask questions about her new friends. Everything just keep escalating, and we have a big fight about her hanging with an ex. Things were looking pretty grim already then.
But noo. Then she lie to me about who shes going out with, and spends her entire weekend with the ex. 
At that time I'm already almost crying for having such a big fight, and wanting to fix things. She was just totally declining me, telling me that she didn't want to see me for a few days.
Then after a few days, she confesses to me that she had cheated on me, and was crying and all that stuff. Telling me not to hate her, and that she was sorry and all that bs.
Stupid as I was, I kinda agreed not to break up with just one "demand": that she cut all contact with the ex. Stupid as she was, she didn't want to.
I mean, WTF?! She just slept with that guy while we were together, and I'm offering her to forgive her if she cuts contact, and she refuses. So, we kinda are in the greyzone for a while. Broken up, just not publicly. And she just keeps seeing her ex, and keeps on fucking him. The fact that she cheated didn't mean shit... So I spend my christmas home alone, heartbroken and totally miserable, realising how a bitch she was. Thats it for being a nice guy.

Not saying that it was all crap. I had 9 great months with her, just not the last month. Got to find some new friends, as most of them are mutual. Especially as I live in the same town as her now (a very small town..)...

Got to try out all the tips I've read here. And I only got one thing to say.

YOU'VE HELPED ME A LOT SS.ORG. I LOVE YOU GUYS!


----------



## Jakke

^I'd say screw her


And I can't help but to think about how a row between two norwegians must sound.... To the fullest extent of my experience with you people, it is completely impossible to even sound slightly aggravated in Norwegian. If a norwegian tells me he is going to kill me, I'd take from his tone that he wants to give me cookies


----------



## -42-

Military girlfriends/wives are pretty notorious for cheating. Does she have a sister? Hot friend? Not so hot friend?


----------



## Lukifer

I did 7 years in the US Army and Ill be the first to tell you I saw so much cheating and divorce in the military it scared me away for years. So I waited until I got out and got married. Well Im getting divorced!!! 

But the chances in the military are so much greater. Out of a unit of 90 soldiers 11 got divorced after my first tour to Iraq. Soldiers with other soldiers, then their spouses home fucking anything that walks. 

I know Im way negative, but like I said, Im getting divorced, so Im super cynical right now!!!!


----------



## Polyformic

Jakke: as do I with english/american people! The lack of power and creativity with the swearing is facinating.

-42-: her sister is 13, I'm 20. A bit too young... Might nail some of her friends 

Lukifer: I totally see how you are... Not a good story. You're allowed to be cynical!


----------



## Lukifer

Polyformic said:


> Jakke: as do I with english/american people! The lack of power and creativity with the swearing is facinating.
> 
> -42-: her sister is 13, I'm 20. A bit too young... Might nail some of her friends
> 
> Lukifer: I totally see how you are... Not a good story. You're allowed to be cynical!



I hope you dont see me as some psycho with a bad story!! Haha best of luck to you man! Women are trouble I tell ya!


----------



## BucketheadRules

Polyformic said:


> Jakke: as do I with english/american people! The lack of power and creativity with the swearing is facinating.



I'll show you lack of creativity in English swearing, you cretinous motherbastard badger-licking hollowed-out-turnip-fucking bollock cunt-wrangler!



> -42-: her sister is 13, I'm 20. A bit too young... *Might nail some of her friends *



Do this.


----------



## leandroab

BucketheadRules said:


> I'll show you lack of creativity in English swearing



Swearing and idiomatic expressions can be very entertaining things with all languages!

Tell them about "shitting in the blue skåpet" Jakke!


----------



## Jakke

leandroab said:


> Swearing and idiomatic expressions can be very entertaining things with all languages!
> 
> Tell them about "shitting in the blue skåpet" Jakke!



My pleasure



Polyformic said:


> Jakke: as do I with english/american people! The lack of power and creativity with the swearing is facinating.



Nu jävlar, Polyformic, nu jävlar har du skitit i blå skåpet....


And I completely agree, english/american swearing is not very creative, and I'll give to Norway's credit that you are much more creative than them.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Jakke said:


> My pleasure
> 
> 
> 
> Nu jävlar, Polyformic, nu jävlar har du skitit i blå skåpet....
> 
> 
> And I completely agree, english/american swearing is not very creative, and I'll give to Norway's credit that you are much more creative than them.



Did you even read my amazing insult chain?


----------



## BlindingLight7

Girl tells me she only wants to fuck.

Got a text from her today about how awkward it was cause she thought this guy she "hung out" with only wanted sex.

I tell her you "got what you want, why are you upset?"

So apparently I'm a douche/rude because I told it like it is.


Bitches...


----------



## Jakke

BucketheadRules said:


> Did you even read my amazing insult chain?



Amount of words is not a measurment of creativity, they all revolve against the same topic, which I don't belive is very creative. 
A very impressive chain none the less, I've always been impressed by the cheer amount of words in the english language


----------



## Sicarius

BlindingLight7 said:


> Girl tells me she only wants to fuck.
> 
> Got a text from her today about how awkward it was cause she thought this guy she "hung out" with only wanted sex.
> 
> I tell her you "got what you want, why are you upset?"
> 
> So apparently I'm a douche/rude because I told it like it is.
> 
> 
> Bitches...


That's like me joking with an old g/f (different than the married one) when she had a pregnancy scare. She went to get that shot birth control thing, and I asked if she could keep it in her pants for the full day it takes for it to go into effect.

with that I'm a terrible person destined to be alone.

Not my fault she didn't tell her new dude she wasn't on bc -_-.

At least I got a sexy picture out of the week we talked.


----------



## BlindingLight7

Some women just amaze me, and that's not a good thing.


----------



## Sicarius

Bitches be crazy.

Just the kind of crazy I'm not into.

Man, the next time some chick tells me about a St. Andrews cross, I'm fuckin' done. 

I don't even like rough sex.
"slap me"
"wut no"
"doo it"
"fine"
*light slap*
"HARDER"
*slaps off bed*
"hehehehehe yees"

fuck that shit.


----------



## Cabinet

Guys how do I be like Sicarius so I can meet crazy girls and have sex with them


----------



## tacotiklah

Must admit, I'm a girl that likes it rough.


----------



## Sicarius

Cabinet said:


> Guys how do I be like Sicarius so I can meet crazy girls and have sex with them


There's this club in Dallas called, "The Church".

Just go upstairs and I'm sure you'll find someone who'll fuck you.

tbh, the one I was describing was the one that recently got married. 

Lol I've only had sex once, and it was with her.
/livinglifeineruboutatatime


----------



## Lukifer

Cabinet said:


> Guys how do I be like Sicarius so I can meet crazy girls and have sex with them



....... same here!


----------



## Sicarius

Well first you have to find a homeschooled girl, who for whatever reason is resentful of her daddy because he provides a nice comfortable life. 

Then, you throw in a really early interest in sex and bdsm.

and there you go.

Fucked up bitches with daddy issues.


----------



## Handbanana

Sicarius said:


> Well first you have to find a homeschooled girl, who for whatever reason is resentful of her daddy because he provides a nice comfortable life.
> 
> Then, you throw in a really early interest in sex and bdsm.
> 
> and there you go.
> 
> Fucked up bitches with daddy issues.



Not just homeschooled girls, alot of girls in the south or just younger sheltered girls. Along those lines, alcohol gets women on a completely different kick, they can go from a church going boob into an erotic asphyxiation connoisseur in no time. Just be confident when you talk to em and you'll be able to pick them out easily.


----------



## Sicarius

I don't want those kind of sluts. They're stupid and irritatingly boring.

"SEX BOOZE PARTY PARTY PARTY"

Dear god it's pathetic.


----------



## MFB

I've come to the conclusion that while lady-friend is cute and a cool person, I was confusing lust and the thought of a new relationship for actual feelings of wanting tondate her. Ran into her in the library and talked to her for a minute as well as last week during class and it just didn't feel the same as that first day.

Probably for the best I caught this now versus later if anything did actually happen; and no, I haven't done any leading on or anything to make her try and go for me either, just same old witty me as usual.


----------



## tacotiklah

Kudos to you for thinking with the correct head dude! That takes a lot of maturity; the kind that a lot of dudes sadly lack.


----------



## Lukifer

ghstofperdition said:


> Kudos to you for thinking with the correct head dude! That takes a lot of maturity; the kind that a lot of dudes sadly lack.



So very true. Im trying my best to keep a level head through my divorce and look at the positive. Tonight I found lots of positive. Its out there, you just have to find it!!!


----------



## Gamma362

So its getting close to a year since My ex broke up with me and my love life is non existent, and at this point I have just stopped giving a fuck. I have no real desire to be looking for someone right now and expect to be single for a while. gotta love life...


----------



## MFB

Thanks Ghst/Adam (if my memory is correct ), to be honest I'm too passive aggressive/utilitarian to keep a relationship alive if its not going to work which was great cause my ex said the same thing to me; if its done then she'll end it, she wouldn't window shop on me. I know how much effort and commitment it takes to start a relationship and maintaining it takes even more, so if I had none then it was doomed from the start and thats just cruel to do to someone.


----------



## soliloquy

just curious if anyone or their partner (current or ex) ever got an abortion? 
what is it like? any side effects? 
not just emotional but physically on your relationship as well?

my gf has random periods. she has gone 2 months without a period once. sometimes they are early by a few days, but thats rare. most of the time they are late...a week or two...

its coming up to being slightly over a month now and i'm a lil concerned. i dont want to alert her to cause her more stress and prolong her having her period, so no pregnancy test right now...

i guess i'll wait another week or so before the test...

pregnancy scares are scary... 

and i feel weird posting here. i have been in a relationship with her for almost 4 years, and i think i've only posted here twice...once regarding her, and another time advising someone over something completely random....so here i am.


----------



## tacotiklah

MFB said:


> Thanks Ghst/Adam (if my memory is correct ), to be honest I'm too passive aggressive/utilitarian to keep a relationship alive if its not going to work which was great cause my ex said the same thing to me; if its done then she'll end it, she wouldn't window shop on me. I know how much effort and commitment it takes to start a relationship and maintaining it takes even more, so if I had none then it was doomed from the start and thats just cruel to do to someone.



That's great dude! I think the same way. There has to be a lot in common and a basis for a relationship before I even consider sleeping with a person. Tried the one night stand thing and felt like a cheap whore afterwards. Not to mention the sex itself was awkward and unfulfilling, so it wasn't even worth doing in the first place. The best intimacy is with a person that you have a bond and a connection with. Hence why thinking with the correct head is important. 

(and btw, yeah my name was Adam, but I'm in the process of legally changing it to Jessica. I prefer to be called the latter and addressed with feminine pronouns now.  )


----------



## ZEBOV

Gamma362 said:


> So its getting close to a year since My ex broke up with me and my love life is non existent, and at this point I have just stopped giving a fuck. I have no real desire to be looking for someone right now and expect to be single for a while. gotta love life...



I'm in the exact same boat, except it's been 3 years since I lost my last girl. The best thing about this is that I spend all of my money on myself. Having a relationship really just slows me down when trying to save up for gear.
I MIGHT look for a relationship when I'm content with the gear I have. There's not a whole lot I want, but it can take at least a few more years to get all of it.


----------



## murakami

soliloquy said:


> just curious if anyone or their partner (current or ex) ever got an abortion?
> what is it like? any side effects?
> not just emotional but physically on your relationship as well?
> 
> my gf has random periods. she has gone 2 months without a period once. sometimes they are early by a few days, but thats rare. most of the time they are late...a week or two...
> 
> its coming up to being slightly over a month now and i'm a lil concerned. i dont want to alert her to cause her more stress and prolong her having her period, so no pregnancy test right now...
> 
> i guess i'll wait another week or so before the test...
> 
> pregnancy scares are scary...
> 
> and i feel weird posting here. i have been in a relationship with her for almost 4 years, and i think i've only posted here twice...once regarding her, and another time advising someone over something completely random....so here i am.




don't get an abortion... i am not saying this from a political or religious view or even a moral view(because you can always have your child adopted to loving parents. just don't fucking go back to the child when you think you're ready and hurting his/her new family).

i say this because i knew two people who had an abortion and apparently it can cause problems in woman to give birth again. it's not a nice thought when you want a child later on but can't i bet ya. the guy i knew was really hurt.


----------



## Lukifer

I'm pro choice so I feel if you know you can't give that kid the life and love ot deserves then don't have it. I wouldn't want to be a father and always think the kid was a mistake. I would always hold a grudge. It's a super touchy thing but I think if you can live with it, do what is best for you. I know its selfish.

As far as physical effects I have no idea but our good pal Google does!!


----------



## Jakke

I'm pro choice, so if worse comes to worse, have a mature and open discussion about it. Discuss the pros and cons of your alternatives, and don't let lifer propaganda scare you, it always resorts to this kind of bollocks:


Laci Green knows her stuff, and this is a bit of general information regarding abortion.


Abortion is also one of the safest medical procedures in the western world, to have fertility problems are almost unheard of, and is mostly anecdotal. Any procedure of course comes with a risk, however slim it might be.
Sources:
Does a past abortion affect my chances of getting pregnant? | BabyCenter
Q&A: Fertility problems after abortion? - Getting Pregnant - Fertility and Ovulation - TheBump.com


----------



## murakami

Jakke said:


> I'm pro choice, so if worse comes to worse, have a mature and open discussion about it. Discuss the pros and cons of your alternatives, and don't let lifer propaganda scare you, it always resorts to this kind of bollocks:
> 
> 
> Laci Green knows her stuff, and this is a bit of general information regarding abortion.
> 
> 
> Abortion is also one of the safest medical procedures in the western world, to have fertility problems are almost unheard of, and is mostly anecdotal. Any procedure of course comes with a risk, however slim it might be.
> Sources:
> Does a past abortion affect my chances of getting pregnant? | BabyCenter
> Q&A: Fertility problems after abortion? - Getting Pregnant - Fertility and Ovulation - TheBump.com




that article is quite interesting. i wonder what caused infertility in my friend's wife.


----------



## Randy

Jakke said:


> and don't let lifer propaganda scare you, it always resorts to this kind of bollocks:




You do realize that not _all _opposition to abortion is "lifer propaganda", right? 

I'm pro choice and I've dated a few girls who've had abortions. None of which were particularly religious, all of which were a total psychological/emotional wreck about forever afterward. Likewise, in all cases, they experienced unusual occurrences in their reproductive health since. Yes it's anecdotal but hey, this is firsthand knowledge.

If neither of you want kids and she doesn't want to carry a kid to full term and give it up for adoption, then abortion's a rational choice. Maybe I'm overly sensitive but even for a "simple procedure", there's enough going on that complications can occur on several levels. I don't bring these things up to tell you "dude, don't do it" but the fear of responsibility clouds male judgement/sympathies in these cases.

TL;DR -- Her choice, make sure she knows all sides, don't push her.


----------



## Customisbetter

soliloquy said:


> just curious if anyone or their partner (current or ex) ever got an abortion?
> what is it like? any side effects?
> not just emotional but physically on your relationship as well?
> 
> my gf has random periods. she has gone 2 months without a period once. sometimes they are early by a few days, but thats rare. most of the time they are late...a week or two...
> 
> its coming up to being slightly over a month now and i'm a lil concerned. i dont want to alert her to cause her more stress and prolong her having her period, so no pregnancy test right now...
> 
> i guess i'll wait another week or so before the test...
> 
> pregnancy scares are scary...
> 
> and i feel weird posting here. i have been in a relationship with her for almost 4 years, and i think i've only posted here twice...once regarding her, and another time advising someone over something completely random....so here i am.



I was about to post literally word for word the exact same thing. FUCK irregular periods man. I can't handle this stress.


----------



## murakami

I don't quite understand whats going on here... do neither of you guys use condoms or birth control pills?

aside from pregnancy, if you guys are going raw, aren't you afraid of stds?


----------



## Jakke

Randy said:


> You do realize that not _all _opposition to abortion is "lifer propaganda", right?



Yeah, that is why I took care to differentiate between "lifer" and "pro-life".


The whole term "pro-life" is nonsensical anyway. We are all, except for an extremely small minority, pro-life. We as a default prefer life over death. What would be more accurate is "pro-choice" and "anti-choice", that does not sound as good for them however. It's all spin really.


----------



## soliloquy

murakami said:


> I don't quite understand whats going on here... do neither of you guys use condoms or birth control pills?
> 
> aside from pregnancy, if you guys are going raw, aren't you afraid of stds?



well, as you know, condoms never are a 100%. 
i almost always go with a condom. the only two times i didnt were me just being stupid. 

however, no fear of stds as we never had any partners previous, nor do we do any drugs, so we are as clean as can be...unless shes lying, and thats a whole different ball game. 

she doens't wanna go on the pill as it does have nasty side effects, and she has a problem swallowing pills or relying on any sort of medication for any sort of reason.






as for abortion: its both our choice as we have talked about it in the past several times. however, i do fear as it may either cause a drift between us or do any harm to her. and if she does decide to have the baby, then it will cause a drift between her family and her and perhaps my family and i. there is a culture clash here at play 




also, this is off topic, but how is relationships in anyway related to 'buttermilk pancakes!' that is tagged on the bottom there \/?!


----------



## Randy

soliloquy said:


> well, as you know, condoms never are a 100%.



Unless you have ghost sperm or you're doing something wrong, yes they are.


----------



## Lukifer

Randy said:


> Unless you have ghost sperm or you're doing something wrong, yes they are.



I may be wrong but I think he is referring to them breaking rather easily sometimes. Like me for some reason I always tend to break condoms. Then its like not even wearing one!


----------



## Jakke

Randy said:


> Unless you have ghost sperm or you're doing something wrong, yes they are.



The probability of something happening is very small, so in reality they are almost fool-proof. They have estimated the succes-rate at 97% though, so, a condom work in 97% of all times. 
I believe Friends made an entire episode around that statistic, not.. not that I watch the show....


----------



## Randy

Lukifer said:


> I may be wrong but I think he is referring to them breaking rather easily sometimes.





Jakke said:


> They have estimated the succes-rate at 97% though



That 3% is the part I'm wondering. Like, the sperm isn't permeating through the pores of the condom. So, the 3% is either breakage, it falling off, it not being able to hold all of the semen in it or people lying.

I don't even get how you break a condom. Either you're wearing the wrong size, she's dry or you're using the same one after extracting your penis more than once. I can't buy into the whole "whoops, just happens" thing.


----------



## Jakke

That has always puzzled me too...

Maybe the rubber is not equally thick/too thin on some defect specimen?


----------



## Randy

Possible.


----------



## Lukifer

In my case they were a bit tight so that could be part of it. 

But I agree if you wear it properly and it doesnt break there should be no chance. Its common sense when you jizz pull out and take it off. Its full and can leak out the top.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

As I've mentioned in here before, the main problem I've had with relationships over the last couple years is that I had become almost _too_ okay with the fact that I was single, so I was putting forth _zero_ effort towards finding a partner. Truth be told, I've been single since 2004, so my brain moved past the "I've been single for too long, what do I do?" stage and on into the "Meh, I've gone this long without, why start trying now?" stage.

Then the week before last, I spent some time with a chick I used to have a pretty strong thing for but hadn't hung out with in years, and all of those old, dusty, cobweb-encrusted feelings of how nice it is to spend time with someone I like came screaming at my face. Now suddenly my brain seems to be stuck in panic-mode, shouting "YOU'RE 30! WHY AREN'T YOU OUT THERE MEETING SOME LADIES, RETARD? _HOW _LONG HAS IT BEEN?" Every time I talk to a woman, it's all I can do to focus on the conversation instead of running over all the possibilities of how I can get things started (and eventually ruin them. I'm a pessimist ).

That of course has gotten me thinking about what kind of women I can and can't, or should and shouldn't go for. Using one of the "laws" of Engineering as a model (Good, Fast, Cheap: Pick two), I'm working on a law of my own.

Grand Moff Tim's Law of Dating:

Attractive, Interesting, Sane: Pick two.


Finding someone who is all three is possible, of course, but she'd be _fathoms upon fathoms_ out of my league .



Anyways, just rambling. Felt like thinking "out loud."


----------



## Lukifer

Grand Moff Tim said:


> As I've mentioned in here before, the main problem I've had with relationships over the last couple years is that I had become almost _too_ okay with the fact that I was single, so I was putting forth _zero_ effort towards finding a partner. Truth be told, I've been single since 2004, so my brain moved past the "I've been single for too long, what do I do?" stage and on into the "Meh, I've gone this long without, why start trying now?" stage.
> 
> Then the week before last, I spent some time with a chick I used to have a pretty strong thing for but hadn't hung out with in years, and all of those old, dusty, cobweb-encrusted feelings of how nice it is to spend time with someone I like came screaming at my face. Now suddenly my brain seems to be stuck in panic-mode, shouting "YOU'RE 30! WHY AREN'T YOU OUT THERE MEETING SOME LADIES, RETARD? _HOW _LONG HAS IT BEEN?" Every time I talk to a woman, it's all I can do to focus on the conversation instead of running over all the possibilities of how I can get things started (and eventually ruin them. I'm a pessimist ).
> 
> That of course has gotten me thinking about what kind of women I can and can't, or should and shouldn't go for. Using one of the "laws" of Engineering as a model (Good, Fast, Cheap: Pick two), I'm working on a law of my own.
> 
> Grand Moff Tim's Law of Dating:
> 
> Attractive, Interesting, Sane: Pick two.
> 
> 
> Finding someone who is all three is possible, of course, but she'd be _fathoms upon fathoms_ out of my league .
> 
> 
> 
> Anyways, just rambling. Felt like thinking "out loud."



Man Im just getting back into the pool of chicks and Im not legally divorced but I started thinking, your 28 and over weight. What makes you think you can get these chicks that you stared at when you were married. What if I go a year without any action or attention when I had it here every day. But I wasnt real happy when it was here. So Im a bit scared Ill be alone for a long time.


----------



## soliloquy

@ randy: i'm not sure, i've had times where the condom actually leaked. i was wearing em just fine. they weren't too big or small. a new pack that wasn't expired either (yes, they do have expiry dates) nor were they kept in my wallet on other volatile environments for condoms to be in. i saw no holes of any sort. all i remember thinking was that 'holy hell, you're wet!' only for her to say that thats not her.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Lukifer said:


> I started thinking, your 28 and over weight. What makes you think you can get these chicks that you stared at.


 

I'm 30 and overweight, so I feel you, man .


----------



## Lukifer

Grand Moff Tim said:


> I'm 30 and overweight, so I feel you, man .



Plus from your name your a Star Wars fan, like myself, so whats our deal then??? We should be slaying the chicks!!!!


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Lukifer said:


> Plus from your name your a Star Wars fan, like myself, so whats our deal then??? We should be slaying the chicks!!!!


 
Fat ex-military Star Wars fans, even. Chicks should be lining up.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Indeed 

Looks and hobbies aren't everything... Some women like stability. 

/Old man...


----------



## Lukifer

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Fat ex-military Star Wars fans, even. Chicks should be lining up.



True forgot about the military thing. I got a patch sewed on my leather riding vest that says "Iraq War Vet". I was hoping it would make chicks show me their tits when they say it when I was on my bike. So far none have......

PS: Im wearing a Darth Vader T-shirt right now, I should have them lining up at my door!


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Attractive, Interesting, Sane: Pick two.



At first, I thought my ex was all 3. Turns out she was just attractive. Probably more interesting than sane, but that's only because she ended up being batshit-off-the-fucking-wall crazy.

But godfuckingdammit, was she hot!


----------



## MFB

Welp, I think I got myself on the temporary shitlist after todays class, but there was nothing I could really do  Theres a kid from a foreign country in our class, and where he and his group normally sat had their table moved so he was at our table with us; which meant when we all sat down and she came in later she couldnt sit with as usual thus breaking up Team TMNT  I tried saying it wasnt our fault and even offered her some of my snacks but she just would not have it.

Damn girls and their grudges man. Damn schoolyard antics too (Im aware of the juvenile nature of this which makes it even more hilarious)


----------



## Randy

soliloquy said:


> @ randy: i'm not sure, i've had times where the condom actually leaked. i was wearing em just fine. they weren't too big or small. a new pack that wasn't expired either (yes, they do have expiry dates) nor were they kept in my wallet on other volatile environments for condoms to be in. i saw no holes of any sort. all i remember thinking was that 'holy hell, you're wet!' only for her to say that thats not her.



Sue!


----------



## murakami

JeffFromMtl said:


> At first, I thought my ex was all 3. Turns out she was just attractive. Probably more interesting than sane, but that's only because she ended up being batshit-off-the-fucking-wall crazy.
> 
> But godfuckingdammit, was she hot!


 

i think all women are, somewhat, crazy and illogical(this one for sure).
keep them real happy and they think so much with their heart and give you little time to yourself(which is nice sometimes, but i need my space).
and when you anger them, they either cold shoulder you or just blow up.

it's not fare we have to deal with this kind of bullshit.

speaking of ex... i think everyone has at least one really hot one...
but like you, mine was just fucking nuts.

she FUCKING SLAP ME IN PUBLIC SO MANY TIMES!!! OVER STUPID SMALL SHIT AS WELL!


----------



## Sicarius

2 hot exes.

both crazy as shit.

Maybe I'll find a stable woman in a Psych ward.


----------



## soliloquy

murakami said:


> i think all women are, somewhat, crazy and illogical(this one for sure).
> keep them real happy and they think so much with their heart and give you little time to yourself(which is nice sometimes, but i need my space).
> and when you anger them, they either cold shoulder you or just blow up.
> 
> it's not fare we have to deal with this kind of bullshit.
> 
> speaking of ex... i think everyone has at least one really hot one...
> but like you, mine was just fucking nuts.
> 
> she FUCKING SLAP ME IN PUBLIC SO MANY TIMES!!! OVER STUPID SMALL SHIT AS WELL!



no, not quiet...if you treat them nice, it can go 2 ways:

1) they will say that you're AWESOME and be in your face at all times and make you feel suffocated....

or the second one which really scares me: 2) she starts blowing you off or cheating on you or having an emotional affair as you are 'smothering her and showering her with love'...


----------



## Lukifer

I have one hot ex and she was bat shit crazy. Cheated on me when I was in bed sleeping and she was out in the dudes car.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Thats why you gotta smack her around a little every now and again...


----------



## murakami

^^^

i don't believe in hitting a woman when shes acting like a woman.

but say she's acting like a man(harming someone, hurting someone mentally or physically) then i wouldn't give a shit if she got hit.

my comment may sound confusing when i say 'acting like a man'; generally speaking,
i am just saying woman have a sweetness and beauty to them that a man cannot simulate. these days i don't see it much, but when you see a beautiful smile on a woman, you can definitely say, "thats a woman."

does this make sense to only me?

p.s. ~ i am also getting the notion of; hot woman - bad person to date or marry. haha!


----------



## Randy




----------



## JeffFromMtl

In my experience, being with a crazy woman is awesome. It's breaking up with them that sucks. The crazy is good when they love you, and insufferable when they don't.


----------



## soliloquy

murakami said:


> ^^^
> 
> i don't believe in hitting a woman when shes acting like a woman.
> 
> but say she's acting like a man(harming someone, hurting someone mentally or physically) then i wouldn't give a shit if she got hit.
> 
> my comment may sound confusing when i say 'acting like a man'; generally speaking,
> i am just saying woman have a sweetness and beauty to them that a man cannot simulate. these days i don't see it much, but when you see a beautiful smile on a woman, you can definitely say, "thats a woman."
> 
> does this make sense to only me?
> 
> p.s. ~ i am also getting the notion of; hot woman - bad person to date or marry. haha!



well, see, thats the thing though.
if men are screwed up, they go towards violence. physical violence as thats the way they know how to show their power over another. that is precisely why patriarchy worked for so long. its the force of coercion. 

however, when a woman is screwed up (or even if she isn't), she resorts to emotional trauma. 

i dont know about you, but in all honesty, i rather take physical bullying over psychological/emotional bullying. 

and thats the thing. when men cheat, often times they have no real reason to cheat other than 'it was there.' when women cheat, they usually have a bag of reasons to which really screws up the guy in SO many ways...


if only the entire world was like what the greeks thought the origins of man were: the entire world was populated by men, and everyone lived happily in peace and harmony. gods got bored, they said that men should have some sort of 'equal' to them and created women...thus, wars and other stupidity started.

at the same times, they used to believe that there is a reason behind men ruling the entire world over women. they feared women and didn't allow them to reign over nations/people. why? they said that men are easy to beat/kill/change. however, if women were to rule the world, they will ruin the entire world just out of their sheer mind-power. they are far more superior to men in terms of intellect and can manipulate even rocks...so its good to keep them down....


thus, women are evil!


----------



## murakami

JeffFromMtl said:


> In my experience, being with a crazy woman is awesome. It's breaking up with them that sucks. The crazy is good when they love you, and insufferable when they don't.



ah i see... so you ment crazy in the sack...


----------



## JeffFromMtl

murakami said:


> ah i see... so you ment crazy in the sack...



Well, yeah it sort of comes with the territory. She was crazy in the way that there's no grey area on anything. So when things were good, she was amazing, but when they were bad, she was a complete bitch.


----------



## Randy

So, every woman ever, then?


----------



## JeffFromMtl

She was the first one like that for me. All the other women I've been with have been pretty stable people.


----------



## Sicarius

JeffFromMtl said:


> She was the first one like that for me. All the other women I've been with have been pretty stable people.


The ones that come off as stable are just really good at keeping their crazy hidden.

Trust me, you may think they're stable, but then they have that dream where you cheated on them in the dream, and then it's full on crazy time.

I'm gonna see if a chick I worked with at Kohl's wants to hang out next weekend. Haven't seen her since before Christmas when she quit, might be fun, or she'll be a passive aggressive bitch.

It's always fun not knowing what you're going to walk into, reminds me of the good old 9-1-1 Call Taker days.


----------



## tacotiklah

Randy said:


> So, every woman ever, then?



I resent that and the title under my username is a misnomer.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

soliloquy said:


> however, when a woman is screwed up (or even if she isn't), she resorts to emotional trauma.
> 
> i dont know about you, but in all honesty, i rather take physical bullying over psychological/emotional bullying.



if you are not familiar, 2:30 is when the magic happens


----------



## Lukifer

^ Funny but ohh soooo true!!!


----------



## Konfyouzd

For the record I don't *really* hit women...


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

I havent been in a relationship in 4 years now, nor have I had sex since then. Its rather odd, considering I live in the middle of the University of Delaware campus among literally thousands of women between 18 and 22. I dont leave my apartment except for food and work. I'm perfectly content with making music and constantly reading everything about everything. 

I dont like meeting people. I have my 2 best friends from elementary school I hang out with, one of which is my roommate I never see because he works nights. I have no problem talking to people. What I have a problem with is forming social connections. For example: 
I was once in a band for two years. After the band broke up, I had no urge whatsoever to contact any of my former band members. I got along great with them and had an amazing time making music with them. Its hard to describe. I never actively decide not to hang out with people. It just never comes up in my though processes. You never think "Hey, should I eat this bookshelf? Nah." You never think of eating a bookshelf, likewise I never think of socially interacting with people.

I guess the worst problem is my nonchalant acceptance of all this. I'm content with myself and have no urge to change. In the two months I've been moved out of my parents, I havent had a single guest.

There you go fellow ss.org people. I just thought I'd share.


----------



## Lukifer

leftyguitarjoe said:


> I havent been in a relationship in 4 years now, nor have I had sex since then. Its rather odd, considering I live in the middle of the University of Delaware campus among literally thousands of women between 18 and 22. I dont leave my apartment except for food and work. I'm perfectly content with making music and constantly reading everything about everything.
> 
> I dont like meeting people. I have my 2 best friends from elementary school I hang out with, one of which is my roommate I never see because he works nights. I have no problem talking to people. What I have a problem with is forming social connections. For example:
> I was once in a band for two years. After the band broke up, I had no urge whatsoever to contact any of my former band members. I got along great with them and had an amazing time making music with them. Its hard to describe. I never actively decide not to hang out with people. It just never comes up in my though processes. You never think "Hey, should I eat this bookshelf? Nah." You never think of eating a bookshelf, likewise I never think of socially interacting with people.
> 
> I guess the worst problem is my nonchalant acceptance of all this. I'm content with myself and have no urge to change. In the two months I've been moved out of my parents, I havent had a single guest.
> 
> There you go fellow ss.org people. I just thought I'd share.




But I know where your coming from. I hate seeing people sometimes. Not always, but alot!


----------



## Sicarius

I can't believe Scott Ian had hair.


----------



## Jakke

Sicarius said:


> I can't believe Scott Ian had hair.



Kinda like seeing Satch in the eighties. Disturbing...


----------



## Customisbetter

BTW: the red river is flowing and I'm not a daddy!

Also if you GF calls you at 2:30 in the morning, how should you react? I was so tired I mumbled random stuff while she was talking about her day and I just hung up after saying goodnight. WTF why would she call that late on a work day? 

I'm having trouble balancing between being there for her and trying to live my life sometimes.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Customisbetter said:


> BTW: the red river is flowing and I'm not a daddy!
> 
> Also if you GF calls you at 2:30 in the morning, how should you react? I was so tired I mumbled random stuff while she was talking about her day and I just hung up after saying goodnight. WTF why would she call that late on a work day?
> 
> I'm having trouble balancing between being there for her and trying to live my life sometimes.


 
I had a gf that would call me late as fuck at night like that bc we didn't always get to see each other and what not. And sometimes I would have class so I wasn't really all that interested in what she had to say and she would get really mad. 

I feel like it's one of those things you have to sit down and hash out when you're NOT tired as fuck at 2:30AM... 

Kinda like how you shoud hash out the logistics of date night on a night OTHER than date night. 

It seems women like to be spontaneous unless it's a promise you made to them. And ANY agreement you come to with them is as good as a promise even if you just reluctantly say: "Okie dokie..."


----------



## Sicarius

Never make promises.

They're like elephants with that shit.


----------



## murakami

Customisbetter said:


> BTW: the red river is flowing and I'm not a daddy!
> 
> Also if you GF calls you at 2:30 in the morning, how should you react? I was so tired I mumbled random stuff while she was talking about her day and I just hung up after saying goodnight. WTF why would she call that late on a work day?
> 
> I'm having trouble balancing between being there for her and trying to live my life sometimes.


 
no offence to your gf... but thats really self-centered of her to do that shit. unless it was an emergency or something, thats fucking annoying.

i had a gf who called around 12(not as late as you) when i was younger and i didn't have a cell phone so she would call my house. fuck, my mom and sister(practically everyone in the house) would get fucking pissed off at me and give me shit.

i told her to stop fucking doing that because it's so inconsiderate towards my family. she giggled and said ok... but still kept doing it. this is a dumbass question, but does your girlfriend have depression or a different kind of mental illness? or was this a one time thing?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Jakke said:


> Kinda like seeing Satch in the eighties. Disturbing...


 
I thought someone was fuckin' with me the first time I saw a pic of Satch w/ hair...


----------



## Jakke

Konfyouzd said:


> I thought someone was fuckin' with me the first time I saw a pic of Satch w/ hair...






Unsettling.


----------



## Customisbetter

This si the first time shes ever done that.

UPDATE:

I talked to her and she apologized for calling that late. She said she didn't have an excuse and that it was inconsiderate. I guess she wants to chill for a couple days and get some space which I'm cool with. Actually I'm REALLY cool with it. We shall see what happens next.


----------



## Randy

Yeah dude. All sounds fine.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^ Never know... We all need our mental health days. And I think we all define those slightly differently.


----------



## soliloquy

Customisbetter said:


> BTW: the red river is flowing and I'm not a daddy!
> 
> Also if you GF calls you at 2:30 in the morning, how should you react? I was so tired I mumbled random stuff while she was talking about her day and I just hung up after saying goodnight. WTF why would she call that late on a work day?
> 
> I'm having trouble balancing between being there for her and trying to live my life sometimes.



well, with me, i have this policy with all my friends/family/gfs. call me if you need me. doesn't matter if its 3am when i'm sleeping, or noon. if you need me, and its an emergency, i will be there for you.

coincidentally, there are two things that piss me off(normally i'm VERY calm and passive). they happen to be persistence and not letting me sleep. if you call me or randomly text me in the middle of the night just to say 'hi' i will go ballistic!


----------



## Fiction

soliloquy said:


> coincidentally, there are two things that piss me off(normally i'm VERY calm and passive). they happen to be persistence and not letting me sleep. if you call me or randomly text me in the middle of the night just to say 'hi' i will go ballistic!



I can't stand this. It's like the pre-dating part of a relationship when you're just texting them for no reason, and they'll say something and if you don't reply with in 0.00148 seconds, they'll send another reply with "????" or what not, or get pissed off cause you didn't reply to their text at 1am saying "what'cha doing?". In fact, I can't even be bothered replying to most texts, if its a genuine inquiry or asking to hang out, sure. But I can't be bothered with pointless texting.


----------



## Winspear

Fiction said:


> I can't stand this. It's like the pre-dating part of a relationship when you're just texting them for no reason, and they'll say something and if you don't reply with in 0.00148 seconds, they'll send another reply with "????" or what not, or get pissed off cause you didn't reply to their text at 1am saying "what'cha doing?". In fact, I can't even be bothered replying to most texts, if its a genuine inquiry or asking to hang out, sure. But I can't be bothered with pointless texting.



 If only it remained the 'pre-dating' part, rather than going on for two years.


----------



## Lukifer

Dudes, take it from me. DOnt get married. Then shit is legal and becomes difficult. I wish I never would have gotten married and had everything in my name. Now I have to go through a shit storm for months and months and on the back side of it Im pooorer and emotionally scarred and hate women now.


----------



## Fiction

EtherealEntity said:


> If only it remained the 'pre-dating' part, rather than going on for two years.



Yeah but you can kind of deal with it then, I guess you have an obligation. But pre-dating, you ain't getting shit


----------



## Winspear

Fiction said:


> I guess you have an obligation.



I don't know...I can't see that texting like that is ever be an acceptable thing to do nor do I think I should feel obligated to deal with it. Hence me not dealing with it


----------



## Fiction

EtherealEntity said:


> I don't know...I can't see that texting like that is ever be an acceptable thing to do nor do I think I should feel obligated to deal with it. Hence me not dealing with it



Not the constant text, or dealing with the minutely "??" if you don't reply. But I can take some time out to just say "my day was great, how was yours?"


----------



## Bekanor

I've been in the "I don't give a crap about being single" boat for the longest time (the rest of this story will explain why I'm now ashamed to reveal the exact timeframe), mostly due to my entire life being a mess (no job, no car, no girl, living with my parents in my late 20's) but in the last 8 months things have really started to come together for me. My brother got me a good job where he works, I finally got my license and a nice car (Don't ask why I left it so long, I don't have a good answer for that) and I've recently upgraded jobs to running the IT network for a small NPO research organisation (which completely removed the second thoughts I was having about the usefulness of the degree I'm currently completing). Now, I'm not mental, a lot of cool shit has come my way in the last 8 months and I realise that and, as such, am the regulation amount of proud of myself for making the most of said opportunities, but I still feel a bit shit because that success just throws into harsh light the fact that I still can't seem to get a date. 

I'm not really whining here, I've asked out 4 girls in the last couple of months (not a great rate for the average guy, monster effort for someone as socially awkward as I am) and come up with the following: 

1 yes that became a no due to taking a job a VERY manageable distance away. 

1 yes that became a no due to her emotional baggage and me possibly coming on too strong (I assign cute, funny nicknames too soon it seems).

1 flat no from asking out a cute girl where I used to work, it wasn't a big deal to me that she turned me down but she was forever awkward around me after that. Shitting where you eat? I cooked up a delicious fettucini carbonara, bent over and did post-curry squirts on it. Luckily I didn't have to eat it. 

Lastly, 1 "I'm not sure if I'm free or not, can I let you know tomorrow?" which I'm taking as girl code for "I'm not up for the awkward moment following a no so I'll just let you dangle until the penny drops", which begs the question, why even give me your number?

Now apart from the cold-call at work, every other girl seemed interested in at least going out with me once. My largely rhetorical question is, what the fuck ladies? Just fucking say no to begin with and I'll drive along to the next potential garage for my station wagon (this euphemism is particularly good because I own a Subaru Outback).

Just to be clear, I'm not really looking for advice on women or anything like that, I learn best by doing so I'm just gunna' keep doing my thing until it gets me somewhere or until I lull back into "I don't care about being single" mode (I blame the first girl I mentioned for this, I gave 0 shits about dating until I got wind that she was waiting for me to ask her out), I'm just getting my vent on here because my brother is away for army training and I can't dump all this shit on him. 

Quite the saga I know. 

TL;DR: Overweight, socially retarded IT guy doesn't understand women, world continues to turn unabated.


----------



## Sicarius

The tl;dr is 1/2 the people in here.

Boys, time to invest in Japanese Dating sim games.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Huh?


----------



## HaMMerHeD

I used to tell myself that I didn't give a shit about dating. That way, my continued solitude was a choice, not a sad result of my social ineptitude, my lack of understanding, and the dearth of self-confidence which kept me cloistered in my apartment, never meeting anyone. I was lying. I suggest that you be honest with yourself. It doesn't make it easier, but it helps to focus.


----------



## Murmel

This is so me. I mean, there is nothing on this picture that isn't correct.


----------



## Sicarius

Konfyouzd said:


> Huh?


Dating Sims.

They're all the rage for socially retarded nerds.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Typing from phone:

There's this shy quiet girl in my one class who I was attracted to and don't know why. Right off the bat I figureed I wouldn't be her style , she's a quiet shy girly girl and im sure I look trashy as fuck to her (visible tattoos/abrasive clothing and I was wasted the one time we talked, though she was drinking too) but I went into this dudes rooom and I guess himm and her are hoooking up... I know from a third party perspective im better looking/cooler but from her view im probably just low class looking and she prsobably thins im a drunk.should I still give it a shot eveen though she's hooking u with a dude and robably thinks im a fuck up? 

Btw im not drunk just typing on a droid pro. Thanks guys


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Go for it. Ask her out for coffee or something after class, and if she's actually into the other dude, that's when she'd say something about it. And if not, and she agrees to hang out with you, _then_ you can feel out the way she perceives you. Until you actually make your interest evident and give it a shot, it's a mistake to assume that she sees you in a negative light. And even if she does, there's no way she's going to change her mind about it unless you give her a reason to.


----------



## Cabinet

Sicarius said:


> Dating Sims.
> 
> They're all the rage for socially retarded nerds.


They can be fun to use to mess with people. I mean I'm somewhat of a lonely dude but I don't think I'll ever be in a position where I want to try one seriously.
I tried Second Life once for shits and giggles. I went to a beach and found two people trying to cyber or something, I went up to them and just flexed my cyber muscles for half an hour but they didn't like it


----------



## PyramidSmasher

JeffFromMtl said:


> Go for it. Ask her out for coffee or something after class, and if she's actually into the other dude, that's when she'd say something about it. And if not, and she agrees to hang out with you, _then_ you can feel out the way she perceives you. Until you actually make your interest evident and give it a shot, it's a mistake to assume that she sees you in a negative light. And even if she does, there's no way she's going to change her mind about it unless you give her a reason to.



I tried to talk to her when she was with him (I mean they were drinking my rum, I felt like it wasnt TOO imposing of me to talk) and they just kind of ditched me to go hook up. Maybe my motives are totally off here, as she is CLEARLY with a dude


----------



## Lukifer

So.... my wife came over this morning to bring the cats over. I havent seen them in over a week and I miss my little fur balls. I was still in bed and she laid down with me and I realized I missed it alot. Made me start thinking if I made the right choice or not to separate. I realize marriage is way more than cuddling in bed, there are bills, fights, compromises etc.... but I miss the touch of a woman thats for damn sure!


----------



## Sicarius

Cabinet said:


> They can be fun to use to mess with people. I mean I'm somewhat of a lonely dude but I don't think I'll ever be in a position where I want to try one seriously.
> I tried Second Life once for shits and giggles. I went to a beach and found two people trying to cyber or something, I went up to them and just flexed my cyber muscles for half an hour but they didn't like it


I was talking about these
*List of Japanese erotic video games - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

*wtf is second life?


----------



## Cabinet

Never mind what the fuck I'm talking about, holy shit that's a huge list.


----------



## MFB

Nothing like saying "Yeah, I think I'm over a chick" only to have your sub-conscious throw her into a dream where she says she likes you.

*action sigh*

Fuck you brain


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

^it happens to the best of us.

Fuck our brains.


----------



## Sicarius

MFB said:


> Nothing like saying "Yeah, I think I'm over a chick" only to have your sub-conscious throw her into a dream where she says she likes you.
> 
> *action sigh*
> 
> Fuck you brain


That happened the night I found out my ex was married. It was fuckin' surreal. We kissed and I asked what it means, and she said "nothing."

I love my brain.


----------



## Bekanor

So as it happens, the one that didn't call back didn't do so because she ran out of phone credit. 

We're hanging out this afternoon after work. Boy is my face red.


----------



## Winspear

Well, last night I dreamt I was having sex with a real life incarnation of Pinkie Pie. 

https://www.google.com/search?q=pin...g&biw=1440&bih=756&sei=yuYuT8nVHIqE8gPq9oSMDw

Pinkie Pie. Not even joking.


----------



## MFB

Judging the incarnation by the personality and overall demeanor of the ponies on the show, that really just means you had sex with a ditzy pink chick who has a rainbow tattoo on/near her ass.

Nothing too weird about that minus the pink part


----------



## Fiction

minus the horse part.

Unless it was human form, then you go get 'er!


----------



## MFB

I assumed that was part of the incarnation was that it turned into a chick versus being a horse. If it was just a real life Pinkie Pie and you dream fucked I horse then I can't help you.


----------



## Sicarius

This Brony thing has, apparently, gone way too far if it's become a sexual sub-conscience dilemma.


----------



## Winspear

Yep I should definitely have clarified - when I say real life incarnation, I mean a real, talking, pink horse. 



Spoiler



She even had a little purple bush.


----------



## Varcolac

"If you dream fucked a horse then I can't help you"


----------



## Cabinet

EtherealEntity said:


> Well, last night I dreamt I was having sex with a real life incarnation of Pinkie Pie.
> 
> https://www.google.com/search?q=pin...g&biw=1440&bih=756&sei=yuYuT8nVHIqE8gPq9oSMDw
> 
> Pinkie Pie. Not even joking.



Oh God
Pinkie Pie in the bedroom
Dude what the fuck.
And Fluttershy's fucking Angel Bunny


----------



## HaMMerHeD

EtherealEntity said:


> Yep I should definitely have clarified - when I say real life incarnation, I mean a real, talking, pink horse.
> 
> 
> 
> Spoiler
> 
> 
> 
> She even had a little purple bush.



There are things which are best kept to oneself. This is doubtlessly one of them.


----------



## groph

Well, now the tables have turned and I'm going to have to friend zone someone, actually "L" from this thread: http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/off-topic/185227-wat-do-serious-content.html

Long story short, we had a debacle a couple of weeks ago regarding L being in the car with a drunk driver and me going off the rails trying to make sure she's okay because I've known her since I was 4 and she's the closest I have to a sister, so I do love her to pieces.

Since then, she's been texting me much more frequently and she's been punctuating the texts with affectionate terms like "babe" and "hun" which is a bit uncomfortable. I don't mind the occasional endearing word from a platonic female friend but when they lay it on it's just weird.

On Saturday night I got wasted at a friend's place (far too drunk, I need to stop drinking large quantities of hard liquor and stick to beer) and L and her (also female) friend S come up. They're good friends of mine so I wanted to see them. Everybody ended up getting pretty tipsy and APPARENTLY I was hanging off of L. When my friend told me I did that my soul shriveled because I don't remember doing that at all and I have zero intentions towards L. I need to watch what I drink around her (she's coming along with a few other friends to a pubcrawl night on Friday - I have tons of other people I could hang out with and intended on hanging out with anyway who are also going to this event; its for my school and *I am NOT looking to lead L on*). 

Anyway, I haven't talked to L since Saturday but I figure I'm going to have to tell her how things are. I fucking regret getting so drunk because I was all over her that night (wasn't really all over her in a "I want to bang you right now" kind of sense but I was apparently just being really close with her and pushing the friendship boundary quite a bit). According to S, L does like me a bit so I can't be sending off mixed signals as I have no interest in L. She even has a boyfriend but I guess things aren't going too well between them.

Fuck alcohol. Making me do the exact opposite of what I wanted to do.


----------



## Konfyouzd

groph said:


> Well, now the tables have turned and I'm going to have to friend zone someone, actually "L" from this thread: http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/off-topic/185227-wat-do-serious-content.html
> 
> Long story short, we had a debacle a couple of weeks ago regarding L being in the car with a drunk driver and me going off the rails trying to make sure she's okay because I've known her since I was 4 and she's the closest I have to a sister, so I do love her to pieces.
> 
> Since then, she's been texting me much more frequently and she's been punctuating the texts with affectionate terms like "babe" and "hun" which is a bit uncomfortable. I don't mind the occasional endearing word from a platonic female friend but when they lay it on it's just weird.
> 
> On Saturday night I got wasted at a friend's place (far too drunk, I need to stop drinking large quantities of hard liquor and stick to beer) and L and her (also female) friend S come up. They're good friends of mine so I wanted to see them. Everybody ended up getting pretty tipsy and APPARENTLY I was hanging off of L. When my friend told me I did that my soul shriveled because I don't remember doing that at all and I have zero intentions towards L. I need to watch what I drink around her (she's coming along with a few other friends to a pubcrawl night on Friday - I have tons of other people I could hang out with and intended on hanging out with anyway who are also going to this event; its for my school and *I am NOT looking to lead L on*).
> 
> Anyway, I haven't talked to L since Saturday but I figure I'm going to have to tell her how things are. I fucking regret getting so drunk because I was all over her that night (wasn't really all over her in a "I want to bang you right now" kind of sense but I was apparently just being really close with her and pushing the friendship boundary quite a bit). According to S, L does like me a bit so I can't be sending off mixed signals as I have no interest in L. She even has a boyfriend but I guess things aren't going too well between them.
> 
> Fuck alcohol. Making me do the exact opposite of what I wanted to do.


 
I say don't even fuckin' worry about it. 

Girls use terms like "babe" and "hun" and all kinds of other affectionate sounding shit w/o even noticing it some of the time. Like how some dudes say "bro" 4000x/sentence.

There was a girl I recently asked out... Well it's been months actually. But at any rate, she told me she "didn't like me like that." Fair enough. But she still wants to be friends. 

After agreeing to be friends (bc I can't be like "No, bitch! Fuck you!") she seemed to get nicer and she calls me shit like "honey" and other stupid cutesy names and I have absolutely NO feeling whatsoever that she wants to date me; she's just comfortable now. 

PS - We also get drunk and flirt ALL THE TIME and it goes absolutely nowhere. It's devolved to the level of an inside joke at best...


----------



## groph

Konfyouzd said:


> I say don't even fuckin' worry about it.
> 
> Girls use terms like "babe" and "hun" and all kinds of other affectionate sounding shit w/o even noticing it some of the time. Like how some dudes say "bro" 4000x/sentence.
> 
> There was a girl I recently asked out... Well it's been months actually. But at any rate, she told me she "didn't like me like that." Fair enough. But she still wants to be friends.
> 
> After agreeing to be friends (bc I can't be like "No, bitch! Fuck you!") she seemed to get nicer and she calls me shit like "honey" and other stupid cutesy names and I have absolutely NO feeling whatsoever that she wants to date me; she's just comfortable now.
> 
> PS - We also get drunk and flirt ALL THE TIME and it goes absolutely nowhere. It's devolved to the level of an inside joke at best...



Well I just don't like the idea of getting so drunk I send off mixed signals to a girl who apparently does like me a bit, or to any girl for that matter. I'm trying to go through life without getting implicated in a sexual encounter that was complicated by alcohol. I know some friends do just mess around like that and they might even get drunk and screw and it's not that big of a deal but I feel there are some boundaries between L and I at least as far as I am concerned. She's not unattractive or anything, I've just known her for 17 goddamned years and I don't look at her in that way at all, whatsoever.

I've been friendzoned a few times so I know the longer it goes on, the more painful it's going to be for the friendzon-ee so I don't want to torture her for a while, if I know she likes me and I don't, then I'm going to have to tell her.


----------



## murakami

Captain Shoggoth said:


> ^it happens to the best of us.
> 
> Fuck our brains.



yeah, poison that motherfucker with alcohol!


----------



## murakami

groph said:


> Well, now the tables have turned and I'm going to have to friend zone someone, actually "L" from this thread: http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/off-topic/185227-wat-do-serious-content.html
> 
> Long story short, we had a debacle a couple of weeks ago regarding L being in the car with a drunk driver and me going off the rails trying to make sure she's okay because I've known her since I was 4 and she's the closest I have to a sister, so I do love her to pieces.
> 
> Since then, she's been texting me much more frequently and she's been punctuating the texts with affectionate terms like "babe" and "hun" which is a bit uncomfortable. I don't mind the occasional endearing word from a platonic female friend but when they lay it on it's just weird.
> 
> On Saturday night I got wasted at a friend's place (far too drunk, I need to stop drinking large quantities of hard liquor and stick to beer) and L and her (also female) friend S come up. They're good friends of mine so I wanted to see them. Everybody ended up getting pretty tipsy and APPARENTLY I was hanging off of L. When my friend told me I did that my soul shriveled because I don't remember doing that at all and I have zero intentions towards L. I need to watch what I drink around her (she's coming along with a few other friends to a pubcrawl night on Friday - I have tons of other people I could hang out with and intended on hanging out with anyway who are also going to this event; its for my school and *I am NOT looking to lead L on*).
> 
> Anyway, I haven't talked to L since Saturday but I figure I'm going to have to tell her how things are. I fucking regret getting so drunk because I was all over her that night (wasn't really all over her in a "I want to bang you right now" kind of sense but I was apparently just being really close with her and pushing the friendship boundary quite a bit). According to S, L does like me a bit so I can't be sending off mixed signals as I have no interest in L. She even has a boyfriend but I guess things aren't going too well between them.
> 
> Fuck alcohol. Making me do the exact opposite of what I wanted to do.



don't take this the wrong way; i mean you're a cool guy and all, but stop with the getting wasted shit. you seem to be going to drinking party' or pubs a lot from what i read... and getting shit faced as well.

i mean, you even mentioned you shouldn't drink so much, right? whats making you drink so much? that one experience you shared with those two fucking assholes(one with a knife and the other as a paranoid bitch calling everyone a racist) is a huge sign that you're getting involved in some bad situations(the next one being you, hanging off your friend while plastered).

plus, i am getting the notion you're really young. come on, man... you can really fuck up your liver. there must be more fun things in life than getting drunk for you. i am so sure


----------



## VBCheeseGrater

Konfyouzd said:


> Originally Posted by Jakke
> Kinda like seeing Satch in the eighties. Disturbing...
> 
> I thought someone was fuckin' with me the first time I saw a pic of Satch w/ hair...



..this is SO close to having a totally different meaning


----------



## BucketheadRules

groph said:


> Well, now the tables have turned and I'm going to have to friend zone someone, actually "L" from this thread: http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/off-topic/185227-wat-do-serious-content.html
> 
> Long story short, we had a debacle a couple of weeks ago regarding L being in the car with a drunk driver and me going off the rails trying to make sure she's okay because I've known her since I was 4 and she's the closest I have to a sister, so I do love her to pieces.
> 
> Since then, she's been texting me much more frequently and she's been punctuating the texts with affectionate terms like "babe" and "hun" which is a bit uncomfortable. I don't mind the occasional endearing word from a platonic female friend but when they lay it on it's just weird.
> 
> On Saturday night I got wasted at a friend's place (far too drunk, I need to stop drinking large quantities of hard liquor and stick to beer) and L and her (also female) friend S come up. They're good friends of mine so I wanted to see them. Everybody ended up getting pretty tipsy and APPARENTLY I was hanging off of L. When my friend told me I did that my soul shriveled because I don't remember doing that at all and I have zero intentions towards L. I need to watch what I drink around her (she's coming along with a few other friends to a pubcrawl night on Friday - I have tons of other people I could hang out with and intended on hanging out with anyway who are also going to this event; its for my school and *I am NOT looking to lead L on*).
> 
> Anyway, I haven't talked to L since Saturday but I figure I'm going to have to tell her how things are. I fucking regret getting so drunk because I was all over her that night (wasn't really all over her in a "I want to bang you right now" kind of sense but I was apparently just being really close with her and pushing the friendship boundary quite a bit). According to S, L does like me a bit so I can't be sending off mixed signals as I have no interest in L. She even has a boyfriend but I guess things aren't going too well between them.
> 
> Fuck alcohol. Making me do the exact opposite of what I wanted to do.



Dude, I'm with murakami ^.

I'm not one to preach normally, but stupid shit like this is just going to keep happening when you drink. It'll probably come to a point where you don't even enjoy it all that much anymore... getting drunk to the point where you can't remember or can't control what you're doing will inevitably just make your problems worse. You keep saying you need to stop drinking so much, so why not give it a shot? (No pun intended )

Personally I don't drink (and I try to stay away from parties etc where EVERYONE will be absolutely sloshed, I find drunk people fackin' annoying but then I generally find non-drunk people really annoying too)... adding to this, I'm not exactly a womaniser either (understatement of the freaking year), so I can't offer much first hand experience, this is just my take on your situation off the top of my head. 

Don't read anything too much into my words, because I'm just a stupid kid who lives thousands of miles away from you, and please don't read any malice into it either, because I definitely didn't write it with any! I'm just giving you my perspective, and my perspective is that the alcohol won't be doing your girl troubles any favours - try and keep your head clear when you're dealing with all the millions of problems that the opposite sex brings to us fellas...


----------



## murakami

buckethead indeed rulez haha


----------



## BucketheadRules

murakami said:


> buckethead indeed rulez haha



Why thank you, kind sir. 

Even though, technically speaking, I'm not actually Buckethead but rather a faintly retarded 16-year-old kid from England who is, sadly, nowhere near as good at guitar as the Bebucketed Almighty.

Anyway, I'm dragging this all off topic, sorry. Someone put it back on track, because I have no love life at all and therefore nothing to actually contribute - at least that means nothing to go wrong with it (although something inevitably will now I've said this )


----------



## groph

murakami said:


> don't take this the wrong way; i mean you're a cool guy and all, but stop with the getting wasted shit. you seem to be going to drinking party' or pubs a lot from what i read... and getting shit faced as well.
> 
> i mean, you even mentioned you shouldn't drink so much, right? whats making you drink so much? that one experience you shared with those two fucking assholes(one with a knife and the other as a paranoid bitch calling everyone a racist) is a huge sign that you're getting involved in some bad situations(the next one being you, hanging off your friend while plastered).
> 
> plus, i am getting the notion you're really young. come on, man... you can really fuck up your liver. there must be more fun things in life than getting drunk for you. i am so sure



Yeah I need to tone it down a bit for sure. After Friday night I'm probably going to call it quits for a little while, maybe until St. Patrick's day or something. Friday night calls for a certain level of decorum anyway so I won't be getting annihilated. I find if I'm downtown (which isnt that often) alcohol affects me differently, I guess being up and about helps things get processed easier so I'm not completely fucked up like I get when I'm just hanging out on a couch getting drunk for no good reason with 5 or 6 other people. Saturday night it was just going to be me and a few friends at their place so it wouldn't have mattered that much if a few of us drank too much since we were all just being idiots anyway, I was not the only one who was hammered. This raises the question if they're actually friends or just drinking buddies. I'm inclined to say they're my friends but of course I would say that.



BucketheadRules said:


> Dude, I'm with murakami ^.
> 
> I'm not one to preach normally, but stupid shit like this is just going to keep happening when you drink. It'll probably come to a point where you don't even enjoy it all that much anymore... getting drunk to the point where you can't remember or can't control what you're doing will inevitably just make your problems worse. You keep saying you need to stop drinking so much, so why not give it a shot? (No pun intended )
> 
> Personally I don't drink (and I try to stay away from parties etc where EVERYONE will be absolutely sloshed, I find drunk people fackin' annoying but then I generally find non-drunk people really annoying too)... adding to this, I'm not exactly a womaniser either (understatement of the freaking year), so I can't offer much first hand experience, this is just my take on your situation off the top of my head.
> 
> Don't read anything too much into my words, because I'm just a stupid kid who lives thousands of miles away from you, and please don't read any malice into it either, because I definitely didn't write it with any! I'm just giving you my perspective, and my perspective is that the alcohol won't be doing your girl troubles any favours - try and keep your head clear when you're dealing with all the millions of problems that the opposite sex brings to us fellas...



Yeah it's pretty consistent. I drink a quart of liquor in a night and SOMETHING embarrassing happens. Not too proud of the whole "drink a quart" thing - I have a tolerance and I can keep a quart down, but that doesn't mean I should be drinking that much, I should AT LEAST be splitting it with someone. Never had any problems with beer though and the effects settle in gradually which is good because I just drink fast, I drink everything fast. Lately I have been kind of bad with drinking, actually I think I've been drinking nearly every day off or weekend - not EVERY day or weekend day, I mean one drinking session - bear in mind I'm not getting shitfaced every time.

Regardless, the notion of "please drink responsibly" has been setting into my head a bit better over the past couple of weeks, I'm not worried about anything terrible happening on Friday since it will be a good setting with good people. I've included the term to mean "don't get so fucked up you can't handle a bad situation when one arises." Originally I just thought they meant, "don't drive you idiot" but there is a _little bit _more to it than that.

Getting back on track, I texted L about this, apparently she's not interested in me, she uses terms of endearment to everyone she texts, and she's fine with what happened so basically this just boils down to me being a drunk idiot. Again.


----------



## Sicarius

GG.

In the mean time, I'm talking to a chick I used to work with, and see if she wants to go to a local gun show at the end of the month.

The problem? This girl is slightly older than I am, but that's not the issue, she's a a pretty big pot head, and thinks she needs to move back to Oregon to get away from the family that "doesn't love her".

Crazy woman is 26 and is still in the "my parents hate me boo hoo" stage. Meh, her response will probably be a no anyway.

also this:


----------



## soliloquy

ermm....i just told a girl to back the fuck off and i may have thrown her in the friend zone.

so this girl whos in my friend circle (i'm not that close to her, though we went to school together, but i'm friendly towards her...) just had an ugly breakup and is falling all apart. its my stupid habit of holding people up when they are down. i went through a phase that lasted 3 years coz of that, and i dont want anyone going through it again, or at least not alone...

regardless, so i'm trying to comfort her and saying that 'i'm here for her if she ever wants to talk or anything'. 

then she starts hitting on me, and being very flirty. i told her that 'i hope you dont think i'm trying to pick you up, nor am i trying to lead you on. i'm not leaving my girlfriends side anytime soon'. she kind of took that hard.

and now i feel bad for making her feel even worse. i know i shouldnt as its not my problem. but...what the fuck?!

you be nice to someone, and they take it the wrong way. you be a bitch to them, and they still think you like em. bitches be crazy


----------



## Aevolve

soliloquy said:


> ermm....i just told a girl to back the fuck off and i may have thrown her in the friend zone.
> 
> so this girl whos in my friend circle (i'm not that close to her, though we went to school together, but i'm friendly towards her...) just had an ugly breakup and is falling all apart. its my stupid habit of holding people up when they are down. i went through a phase that lasted 3 years coz of that, and i dont want anyone going through it again, or at least not alone...
> 
> regardless, so i'm trying to comfort her and saying that 'i'm here for her if she ever wants to talk or anything'.
> 
> then she starts hitting on me, and being very flirty. i told her that 'i hope you dont think i'm trying to pick you up, nor am i trying to lead you on. i'm not leaving my girlfriends side anytime soon'. she kind of took that hard.
> 
> and now i feel bad for making her feel even worse. i know i shouldnt as its not my problem. but...what the fuck?!
> 
> you be nice to someone, and they take it the wrong way. you be a bitch to them, and they still think you like em. bitches be crazy



She's naturally going to be emotionally raw after the break up, and she's going to latch on to the first guy who shows her emotional comfort. I'm all for supporting and helping her, but guidelines have to be drawn in the dirt. You did the right thing by letting her know where your feelings lie, it's up to her to be mature enough to distinguish between someone caring and showing support and someone trying to start a relationship.


----------



## Sicarius

I've decided that since I've been alone for so long, and it's likely to not get corrected.

I'm going to spend the money I would have used on a g/f, on a Mesa Rectoverb combo amp.

I will name her Rhonda and she will never leave me.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

^That first sentence is being overtly dramatic and pessimistic IMO, but I fully back you on the latter two! 



BucketheadRules said:


> Personally I don't drink (and I try to stay away from parties etc where EVERYONE will be absolutely sloshed, I find drunk people fackin' annoying but then I generally find non-drunk people really annoying too)... adding to this, I'm not exactly a womaniser either (understatement of the freaking year), so I can't offer much first hand experience, this is just my take on your situation off the top of my head.
> 
> Don't read anything too much into my words, because I'm just a stupid kid who lives thousands of miles away from you, and please don't read any malice into it either, because I definitely didn't write it with any! I'm just giving you my perspective, and my perspective is that the alcohol won't be doing your girl troubles any favours - try and keep your head clear when you're dealing with all the millions of problems that the opposite sex brings to us fellas...



Dude... you're my age, live in London and said all the exact shit I would have... we need to jam sometime


----------



## Sicarius

that's me. Mr. Pessimistic Sarcasm Man.


----------



## murakami

Sicarius said:


> GG.
> 
> In the mean time, I'm talking to a chick I used to work with, and see if she wants to go to a local gun show at the end of the month.
> 
> The problem? This girl is slightly older than I am, but that's not the issue, she's a a pretty big pot head, and thinks she needs to move back to Oregon to get away from the family that "doesn't love her".
> 
> Crazy woman is 26 and is still in the "my parents hate me boo hoo" stage. Meh, her response will probably be a no anyway.
> 
> also this:


 
YES! GOD YES!


----------



## Fiction

Sicarius said:


> that's me. Mr. Pessimistic Sarcasm Man.



Hello, Mr. Pessimistic Sarcasm Man! I'm Mr Optimistic Greeting Man!


----------



## Konfyouzd

I'm just confused about most interactions involving other human beings. Somehow we always manage to defy logic. Didn't we pretty much come up with the whole concept of logic in the first place?


----------



## leandroab

Girl I'm dating is going to have a 7am-22pm studying regime this year. FML


----------



## Konfyouzd

Don't be a clingy bitch... Make it work.


----------



## leandroab

Konfyouzd said:


> Don't be a clingy bitch... Make it work.



Oh you bet your ass it's going to work. This shit will work like a muthafucka.


----------



## Sicarius

And then your life will get sucked back into Minecraft.


----------



## tacotiklah

So I got to spend some alone time with my bf for the first time in a couple months. Goddamn do I love cuddling and all that shit! Feels good man.


----------



## VBCheeseGrater

Konfyouzd said:


> I'm just confused about most interactions involving other human beings.



The way some people act i don't blame you. I'm 34 and still wonder about this sometimes. Seems like most people never think for a second where the other person might be coming from, or what may be going on with them.


----------



## leandroab

Konfyouzd said:


> Don't be a clingy bitch... Make it work.





leandroab said:


> Girl I'm dating is going to have a 7am-22pm studying regime this year. FML


Her mother wants her to study saturday and sunday too. She's crazy! I know that getting accepted into unis here is tough, but if you don't let your mind rest for one or two days, you go crazy. I've been through this. You CAN'T do it.

I guess this will be a tough year for me :/


----------



## Sicarius

Fiction said:


> Hello, Mr. Pessimistic Sarcasm Man! I'm Mr Optimistic Greeting Man!


My arch-nemesis...


----------



## leandroab

Sicarius said:


> And then your life will get sucked back into Minecraft.


Dedicating my spare hours to construct the spam wall.


----------



## soliloquy

prolly no one is gonna wanna answer this...but...well...
after being with my girl for 4 years (active for 3 and a half, sexually active for a year...i'm VERY old fashioned...) i'm still failing at providing her with any sort of orgasm of any sort...

and i know its not me as whatever i've been doing, i've told my friends who were in a similar situation as me, and it helped them tenfolds...and yet here i am. 

no drugs, no anti-depresents, a healthy weight....what the fuck?

and now i'm learning something called 'grinding the corn' from six feet under...i sure hope it helps. 

kind of feel guilty as its really not fair to her, but what am i supposed to do


----------



## Randy

I know a girl who never had an orgasm, so it does happen.

Is she able to do it herself or just can't at all? It's most definitely not your fault because the way human sexuality works NOT orgasming for a long period of time makes it so even the smallest bit of stimulation would make it happen. In that case, you could practically make it happen by accident. 

So, something else is up but I'm not enough of an expert in psychology/anatomy/sexuality to tell you what that something is.

EDIT: Oh, and with regard to feeling guilty, don't beat yourself up too much. You care and you're understanding enough to try. That's a lot more than can be said for most guys.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

About 12 years ago, I dated a girl who had never had an orgasm before. After several months, I was finally able to git'r'done, and then she started having them all the time. I was pretty proud of myself at first, but it really had nothing to do with me. It was a matter of trust. She had never had an orgasm because she had never been able to relax enough in the presence of her previous BFs, because she didn't trust them. To be fair, every one of them that I knew about were abusive in some way. So after several months of being with me, and me not being that way, and actually treating her kindly and with respect, she loosened up enough that she was able to have an orgasm. Shortly after that, she was an orgasm machine gun.

I have dated a few women since then who had problems climaxing, and my experience was that it was a trust issue 100% of the time.

Now I've had an ugly divorce and string of really bad relationships, and guess who's having trust issues, and having a very difficult time relaxing around women, and who's not able to have an orgasm....


----------



## soliloquy

@ randy: what HaMMerHeD (difficult name dude! ) said is what is freaking me out. 
before me she was in another long relationship(her first), but doesn't really count as they were just kids. he cheated on her as she wouldn't put out, thus they break up. 

enter me. complete opposite of the guy. i have treated her with nothing but respect, love and literally everything i have just to keep her happy. and she really is happy around me. however, i dont know if shes 'complete' with me. 

shes never relaxed enough. i mean, we have been together for 4 years, out of which, she actually never have slept (literally, as in with ZzZzZzZ...) in the same bed as me. why? i dont know...nor do i know what shes holding back...

i just dont want her feeling left out when her friends are talking about and she has nothing to give into that conversation. often times they side track her coz of that as well.


----------



## Bekanor

Pretty sure this chick I've been pursuing is a head case. 

Hot and cold all the damn time, one minute she's sending me dirty texts about what she's doing to herself, the next she's acting like a 14 year old air head. 

It's probably my fault for going after a 20 year old and not someone closer to my own age. 

I think I might take a hiatus from chasing women until I lose 20kg, I'm presuming it then won't be such an uphill fucking battle to make someone interested.


----------



## Winspear

leandroab said:


> Girl I'm dating is going to have a 7am-22pm studying regime this year. FML



I think a lot of us here are pretty jealous, I know I am  7am-22pm shredding regime!


----------



## Metal_Webb

soliloquy said:


> @ randy: what HaMMerHeD (difficult name dude! ) said is what is freaking me out.
> before me she was in another long relationship(her first), but doesn't really count as they were just kids. he cheated on her as she wouldn't put out, thus they break up.
> 
> enter me. complete opposite of the guy. i have treated her with nothing but respect, love and literally everything i have just to keep her happy. and she really is happy around me. however, i dont know if shes 'complete' with me.
> 
> shes never relaxed enough. i mean, we have been together for 4 years, out of which, she actually never have slept (literally, as in with ZzZzZzZ...) in the same bed as me. why? i dont know...nor do i know what shes holding back...



Try getting a copy of Ian Kerner's "She Comes First The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman". It has a lot of useful suggestions for technique and concentrates heavily on cunnilingus, also offers advice with mental/emotional side to the situation.

Note: Not affiliated with Mr Kerner, it's just a useful source.


----------



## LamaSabachthani

soliloquy said:


> shes never relaxed enough. i mean, we have been together for 4 years, out of which, she actually never have slept (literally, as in with ZzZzZzZ...) in the same bed as me. why? i dont know...nor do i know what shes holding back...



I think that might be part of your problem to be honest. I think the female orgasm is completely different from that of the male in that, as we all know, pretty much anything will get the job done for us; for them however there is much more to it than simple physical stimulation. It seems to be as much linked to the way they feel, in terms of how aroused or sexual they are feeling, as it is to actual physical sensation. I think it will be or must be very difficult to give her orgasms if the only time you are both physically intimate is when you are having sex. Are you normally a very physical couple? Do you often discuss or voice your sexual feelings about each other? I have always been a fairly sexual person (in private ... I find these things are unbecoming to discuss in public, but since we're all SS.org brothers ) and have found that, in my experience - and admittedly, my experience might be a bit odd since I go for a _ very _ specific type of girl - the anticipation and the 'mental' element of the sexual relationship is just as important as the actual physical act. I have always been able with relative ease to get girls to send me dirty pictures and such and get them into long, running conversations of pure smut, but I don't think that is because I have some sort of special knowledge, but simply because I approach the subject tastefully. Women are human beings as well after all - we all crave sexuality, sexual pleasure, and physical intimacy. You just have to get her to open up a bit while approaching the subject with care and consideration ... all women want to have body-rocking sex with the man that they have chosen as their partner, but not all are able to because of the lies and bullshit we have been spoon-fed about sexuality in our media and films. 

I know not all women are quite so sexually open, or that they feel like their feelings and desires are a bit repressed by the society in which they reside, but I really do think the mental element and communicating with each other about your sexuality and sex is extremely important to cultivating a healthy and fulfilling sex life. I suggest that before you think that you are doing anything wrong, or that you try a new technique in bed, perhaps you broach the subject with her and just have a talk about it. In my experience, there is not really so much in the way of 'techniques' that guarantee an orgasm, but you can make the job infinitely more simple and easy to accomplish if she is very sexually aroused before you even take your clothes off or take her lingerie off. The build-up is the key man, as is the foreplay. 

Anyhow, I know this all sounds awkward and a bit counter-intuitive, but the impression I have got through my experiences is that the most fulfilling sexual activity is that between two partners who want each other desperately, and not just some moronic, vacuous physical act. Take time and take care. I can almost guarantee you that its probably not your 'fault' in the sense you might think. The only other thing I would recommend would be to engage in much foreplay, and to pay attention to putting pressure upon the clitoris without necessarily touching it directly (as it can apparently be quite sensitive), or to do so but very seldom. 

Best of luck, and I hope you find enjoyment in your bed with the woman that you feel for


----------



## Cabinet

Went to my local convenience store to pick up a 6 pack of beer for last night. Met the most adorable cashier girl there. Only problem was she was speaking to me in German and I didn't pick up lots of what she said or asked, and when I should have told her I'm not from Germany and my German is bad, I just shyed away and nodded. I bet if I told her I don't understand what she just said I might have been able to carry on a conversation but nope!
Fuck.


----------



## leandroab

EtherealEntity said:


> I think a lot of us here are pretty jealous, I know I am  7am-22pm shredding regime!



Dude, no. Her mom wan't her studying saturday and sunday as well... That means I'm seeing her once a month. _IF..._

It sucks a lot. I do remember my senior year in highschool. It IS hard work, I studied from 7am to 8pm daily. But dude, if I touched a book during the weekends my mind would shit all over it and laugh. People HAVE to have a time off. At least ONE or TWO days of relaxation, socialization, happy thoughts etc. Or else shit won't sink in during the week days and your studying WILL, I repeat, WILL be compromised. I speak from experience. But unfortunately her mom doesn't seem to think that apparently. Once I get back to Rio I'll see how things goes. In the mean time I would like som input on this...



Cabinet said:


> Went to my local convenience store to pick up a 6 pack of beer for last night. Met the most adorable cashier girl there. Only problem was she was speaking to me in German and I didn't pick up lots of what she said or asked, and when I should have told her I'm not from Germany and my German is bad, I just shyed away and nodded. I bet if I told her I don't understand what she just said I might have been able to carry on a conversation but nope!
> Fuck.



Go back there and rehearse the phrase "do you have a boyfriend? I think you're cute" while blatantly looking at a piece of paper. If she doesn't laugh (and obviously say "no I don't" after) you're boss. If it doesn't work, just never go there anymore 

It's a win-win situation!


----------



## Ibanezsam4

leandroab said:


> Go back there and rehearse the phrase "do you have a boyfriend? I think you're cute" while blatantly looking at a piece of paper. If she doesn't laugh (and obviously say "no I don't" after) you're boss. If it doesn't work, just never go there anymore
> 
> It's a win-win situation!



this is arguably the best idea i have ever read


----------



## Cabinet

Dude I don't want to fuck up my chances that quickly


----------



## Furtive Glance

"Ich bin eine geil hund". You're set!


----------



## Cabinet

"Meine Eier sind grosser als deiner."
Solid.


----------



## tacotiklah

So I have some awesome valentine's day plans for my bf and I. Lunch at the Olive Garden, shopping at the mall, then back to my place for some quality time. Me gusta. 

Whatcha guys got planned for your significant other today?


----------



## Fiction

Plans?

Microwave dinner for one.

Foreveralone.jpg


----------



## BucketheadRules

Here's to being single and embittered on Valentine's Day!


----------



## Varcolac

Making dinner together. Burgers ov d00m. High-quality mince, grated cheese, onion, garlic, a touch of chilli, grill to perfection. Back in university we used to do this together all the time, but since we've been living together, not so much.

Then drink some wine, eat the burgers, watch something sappy on Lovefilm. 

And rage together at the mystical moon-goddess that brings the blood.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Cabinet said:


> Dude I don't want to fuck up my chances that quickly


 
Women don't care if you look stupid as long as their friends aren't around and it's "cute."


----------



## Konfyouzd

BucketheadRules said:


> Here's to being single and embittered on Valentine's Day!


 
It's my dog's bday and I just got a new bass. I'm happy. Fuck the haters.


----------



## Church2224

Konfyouzd said:


> It's my dog's bday and I just got a new bass. I'm happy. Fuck the haters.



Exactly. I got school, a new guitar and plenty of other crap I have to do. Time to not worry about his holiday. 

Happy Single's Awareness Day everyone!


----------



## Asrial

Valentine is pretty much non-existand where I live.
Not that it matters anyway.

Got myself a porter and a new Wii game.


----------



## leandroab

My significant other is 600Km away. So whatevs...

Getting 2 wisdom teeth extracted today. Fucking shit


----------



## Cabinet

I remember getting my wisdom teeth pulled.
Was awesome.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I gotta do that soon... Not looking forward to it tbh...


----------



## leandroab

Cabinet said:


> I remember getting my wisdom teeth pulled.
> Was awesome.



Sorry. No drugs here. Just local anesthesia, and extremely ineffective painkillers.

It sucks. Actually, it doesn't, because you can suck or spit (insert dirty joke here) for ___ many days.


----------



## Konfyouzd

leandroab said:


> Sorry. No drugs here. Just local anesthesia, and extremely ineffective painkillers.
> 
> It sucks. Actually, it doesn't, because you can suck or spit (insert dirty joke here) for ___ many days.


 
Extremely ineffective pain killers are drugs.


----------



## Cabinet

That does suck. I got a needle stuck into my arm pumping fluids that knocked me out during the operation. I was actually really excited because it was the first time I've ever been put under. I remember there was a guy in the waiting room with this terrified look on his face because he was getting teeth pulled too, but I just kept telling my dad "Oh boy I get to be put under this is going to be so much fun!" and then I couldn't feel shit in my lower jaw.


----------



## Customisbetter

Woke up with sex. Best Valentines day ever.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Cabinet said:


> That does suck. I got a needle stuck into my arm pumping fluids that knocked me out during the operation. I was actually really excited because it was the first time I've ever been put under. I remember there was a guy in the waiting room with this terrified look on his face because he was getting teeth pulled too, but I just kept telling my dad "Oh boy I get to be put under this is going to be so much fun!" and then I couldn't feel shit in my lower jaw.


 
I got put under for hip surgery in 7th grade. It was the strangest thing ever. I was wide awake one moment and the next I was waking up.


----------



## Cabinet

Konfyouzd said:


> I got put under for hip surgery in 7th grade. It was the strangest thing ever. I was wide awake one moment and the next I was waking up.



Right? They told me to count down from 10. I don't think I made it passed 9


----------



## Konfyouzd

Goddamn


----------



## Sicarius

God Bless America and it's super effective knock out gas and pain killers.

woke up with Sportscenter
Regular old day.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^This is the true reason we don't want EVERYONE to have health care... We want the "haves" to keep all the drugs while the "have nots" have their food stamps. Clearly an even trade... 

Be sure to cast your vote for Konfyouzd this year at the ballet box...


----------



## leandroab

Konfyouzd said:


> Extremely ineffective pain killers are drugs.



I know, I should have rephrased my sentence. I meant stuff like general anesthetics or drugs that would leave you with a general sense of grogginess such as nitrous oxide, which is common in the USA, but not here. 

All we got is somewhat painful needle injections of local anesthetics. If the dude is cool, he'll use some topical anesthetic to ease the pain from the local anesthetic...



Cabinet said:


> That does suck. I got a needle stuck into my arm pumping fluids that knocked me out during the operation.



IV general anesthesia for wisdom teeth extraction? That's hardcore! I mean, I get to have some fun too, when it's all over but half your face is completely numb and you end up looking like Sylvester Stallone AND drooling blood all over the place because you can't know (feel) if your mouth is actually closed or not...


----------



## Sicarius

still have mine, too. Only because the surgery will be insanely expensive because 2 are coming in crooked AND they're right on top of the nerve in my jaw.

So if they don't break my jaw, they may end up making me lose all feeling in it.

I will then become the fat equivalent to Kick Ass, and will beat criminals with said jaw.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Ahh I gotcha... I was feelin' pretty good after coming from the hospital from what I remember. God bless America indeed.


----------



## Sicarius

You can all be my no-homo Valentines.


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## leandroab

Sicarius said:


> You can all be my no-homo Valentines.




hahaha


----------



## Cabinet

leandroab said:


> IV general anesthesia for wisdom teeth extraction? That's hardcore! I mean, I get to have some fun too, when it's all over but half your face is completely numb and you end up looking like Sylvester Stallone AND drooling blood all over the place because you can't know (feel) if your mouth is actually closed or not...



That's exactly right, I don't remember much from the first hour of being awake other than having my arm around my dad's shoulder as he supported the walk back to the car and drinking water became one of the most difficult things ever.
Was so


----------



## Jakke

Sicarius said:


> You can all be my no-homo Valentines.


----------



## tacotiklah

Customisbetter said:


> Woke up with sex. Best Valentines day ever.



This man is a boss!
If mine lived with me, he'd get the same treatment.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Cabinet said:


> That's exactly right, I don't remember much from the first hour of being awake other than having my arm around my dad's shoulder as he supported the walk back to the car and drinking water became one of the most difficult things ever.
> Was so


 


Sounds like my first visit to the dentist... I was brilliant and decided to try eating... Luckily I didn't bite myself. 

Then I kept asking this chick that used to live across the street for a kiss cuz I felt like being obnoxious... And I for some reason thought the fact my mouth didn't completely work was kind of amusing at the time. When I have that stroke that inevitably coming I'm pretty sure it won't be so amusing...

@Ghost - DO WORK, SON!


----------



## Sicarius

Konfyouzd said:


> @Ghost - DO WORK, DAUGHTER!


fixed


----------



## BlindingLight7

Happy valentines day. 





aka_* Forever Alone Day*_


----------



## Sicarius

ITT: We ignored our alone, and talked about future dental surgery.

Jaw pain > broken heart


----------



## MikeH

Bought my girl a Nook Color. She got me clothes and a....job, if you catch my drift. Hoping to be employed tonight as well.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Wow... I'm really upset I had to think about that for so long... I guess you can tell I'm spending Valentine's Day with my guitars and the cast of How I Met Your Mother...


----------



## UnderTheSign

My smelly valentine: Sewage treatment plant offers tours - Celebrates Valentines Day - TODAY.com

For those still looking for romantic date ideas...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Been there done that. Shittiest V-Day ever...


----------



## Customisbetter

^very punny.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

I have 2 dates tonight.

































Geography midterm from 6-8:15
Sociology midterm from 8:30-10:45
It's going to be so romantic.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Are your professors taking you out to dinner first? Bc I like to be wine'd and dine'd before I get FUCKED.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

I really am so fucked, though 

I'm only taking 3 classes this semester, and I somehow still ended up with 3 midterm exams _and_ 2 midterm papers, all within 7 days of each other.


----------



## Sicarius

That sounds like my semester. Co-Op paper is going to be due around the same time as any one of my English papers the 2nd half of this term.

I don't care what GPA I make this semester, I just want this shit overwith so I can get my Associates finally.


----------



## leandroab

Sicarius said:


> Jaw pain > broken heart



Muthafucka I know EVERYTHING about pain right now. These painkillers must be a joke. I'm officially drooling blood everywhere! 

I thought the dude was going to remove half my jaw off... I never saw somebody pull so hard on one tooth. Jesus. Sometimes I feel this kind of pain that seems someone just punched my face and I'm about to get knocked the fugg out...

Back on topic: Forever alone.


----------



## Jakke

leandroab said:


> Muthafucka I know EVERYTHING about pain right now. These painkillers must be a joke. I'm officially drooling blood everywhere!
> 
> I thought the dude was going to remove half my jaw off... I never saw somebody pull so hard on one tooth. Jesus. Sometimes I feel this kind of pain that seems someone just punched my face and I'm about to get knocked the fugg out...
> 
> Back on topic: Forever alone.



I just have one systematic name for you:

(5&#945;,6&#945-7,8-didehydro-4,5-epoxy-17-methylmorphinan-3,6-diol

Yeah! Chemistry rules!


----------



## ilyti

I have seen 3 girls today getting on the bus with a bouquet of flowers, and they were all wearing Muslim headscarves. I am now of the opinion that Muslim guys in my area know how to woo a girl in a classy way. White guys don't even seem to bother.


----------



## leandroab

Jakke said:


> I just have one systematic name for you:
> 
> (5&#945;,6&#945-7,8-didehydro-4,5-epoxy-17-methylmorphinan-3,6-diol
> 
> Yeah! Chemistry rules!



I don't like needles.

Dude, hydrocodone is really all I needed. But I forgot to ask for it. I deserve it. This acute pain should fade away by tomorrow...


----------



## Jakke

leandroab said:


> I don't like needles.



Neither do I


I honestly didn't think you'd be able to place the name, I possibly wouldn't have, but then, I'm in physical chemistry...


----------



## Stealthtastic

Fuck valentines day.

Thats the fuck it.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Both dates were a moderate to complete success. I'm a bit unsure about my performance on the Geography midterm, but when I walked into the sociology dept, I grabbed the exam, slammed it down on a desk, whipped out my pencil and went at it until it cried my name and begged for mercy. And still, I finished and got home before the time limit was up.


----------



## leandroab

Jakke said:


> I honestly didn't think you'd be able to place the name...



I didn't picture the whole 3D structure in my mind rotating you know, but I read the "methylmorphinan" part and I figured morphine/heroin 



JeffFromMtl said:


> Both dates were a moderate to complete success. I'm a bit unsure about my performance on the Geography midterm, but when I walked into the sociology dept, I grabbed the exam, slammed it down on a desk, whipped out my pencil and went at it until it cried my name and begged for mercy. And still, I finished and got home before the time limit was up.



Nice job dude!


----------



## caskettheclown

I gave my girlfriend a dozen roses and sang "Hold On" by Michael Buble then we slow danced for almost an hour to a playlist I made, the lights where down low and it was great.

Theres a lot more to that story but thats the short version of it.



I didn't get laid, nor did I try too. This was her day/night and my god did she look beautiful as always 

<3 I fucking love valentines day cause i love all the romance'y bullshit that goes on


----------



## Sicarius

caskettheclown said:


> I gave my girlfriend a dozen roses and sang "Hold On" by Michael Buble then we slow danced for almost an hour to a playlist I made, the lights where down low and it was great.
> 
> Theres a lot more to that story but thats the short version of it.
> 
> 
> 
> I didn't get laid, nor did I try too. This was her day/night and my god did she look beautiful as always
> 
> <3 I fucking love valentines day cause i love all the romance'y bullshit that goes on


You know, they see that you actually mean it when it's random and spontaneous, right?


----------



## caskettheclown

Sicarius said:


> You know, they see that you actually mean it when it's random and spontaneous, right?




Well it was Valentine's Day yesterday so the element of surprise isn't really there cause... lets face it, every girl is expecting something.


----------



## Iamasingularity

How my valentine`s day went down. I woke up with a bright smile, got on google and watched this video:



I then proceeded to go cry my eyes out on my bed for the rest of the day.


----------



## renzoip

Being single isn't all that bad as some of you make it out to be. In fact, I don't think being single is bad at all. And I don't mean it as in "live a crazy promiscuous single life." Just relax, reason it out a little bit, and go on about your day. Also, be careful what you wish for; feeling lonely and sad, much like alcohol, will distort the way you see thing and will make some girls seem more appealing than they really are. People are more prone to picking the wrong partner (which leads to more disappointment) when they are looking for someone just for the sake of not feeling alone.

Also, there are lots of people around the world dealing with bf/gf drama BS. Be glad you are not one of those people.


----------



## Randy

^
Coming from a guy in a relationship, +1 to everything he just said. 

You don't realize the value of going wherever you want, whenever you want, doing whatever you want and buying whatever you want until, well, those become things you have to barter over. Even in a totally non-restrictive relationship, just the freedom of complete spontaneity.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

I've been single since early December and it's been sweet. Being single affords me a few freedoms and opportunities that a relationship doesn't, and I've been enjoying those.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

A day late, but...


----------



## Sicarius

renzoip said:


> Being single isn't all that bad as some of you make it out to be. In fact, I don't think being single is bad at all. And I don't mean it as in "live a crazy promiscuous single life." Just relax, reason it out a little bit, and go on about your day. Also, be careful what you wish for; feeling lonely and sad, much like alcohol, will distort the way you see thing and will make some girls seem more appealing than they really are. People are more prone to picking the wrong partner (which leads to more disappointment) when they are looking for someone just for the sake of not feeling alone.
> 
> Also, there are lots of people around the world dealing with bf/gf drama BS. Be glad you are not one of those people.



A lot of us were joking around, making light of our "singledom".


----------



## soliloquy

idk, like mentioned earlier, i have to say, being in a relationship is over rated. 
yes, being with someone is great. it kills a lot of boredom. you always, or most of the time, have someone to do things with.

however, being single lets you do a whole lot of things that you just cant do being in a relationship. you dont have to constantly ask as to what you can/cant do. you dont have to answer to anyone in particular. you, in a way, are your own boss- not being in a partnership.

however, i've been in a relationship for 4 years and i wont give that up at the moment. but if i was to find myself single, then i wont cry a river over it. 

they both are nice in their own ways. neither one has anything over the other, but only if you're looking at it properly and appreciating what it actually is


----------



## broj15

I don't really mind being single but i definetly prefer being in a relationship (if it's wiht the right person). Me and my gf have been together for almost 2 years now and things are pretty good. i think we have only really fought twice and it was over stupid shit. 
For the most part i get to do what i want as far as party, hang with my friends, spend money etc. I mean it's a really awesome situation. I can get laid almost any time i want (save 3-5 days out of the month ), she likes to chill with my friends, she designed my old bands logo, alot of our merch, and did our promo shots.
We also didn't celebrate valentines day. We both feel that it is just some stupid day that corporations use to get them by between christmas and tax season. It was just another tuesday for us.


----------



## MFB

So I may have been wrong with my previous impressions of said lady-friend and believing that it was merely lust; it might have been at that time, which isn't to say it is/was wrong but I think its coming back and turning into actually wanting to know her better. Me and a buddy of mine ended up grabbing lunch with her today and it was fun hanging out, thrn next werk we're going to the park and she also likes one of the bands I do; so we're going to a show together soon. It's just a whole bunch of little things at once and it's - and trust me I hate/detest/ABHOR this term - for lack of better word, "divine intervention." 

Theres a little bit more to it but I'll leave it at that


----------



## Varcolac

MFB said:


> It's just a whole bunch of little things at once and it's - and trust me I hate/detest/ABHOR this term - for lack of better word, "*divine intervention*."
> 
> Theres a little bit more to it but I'll leave it at that





feels good man

It's coincidence. Still, good for you, and better for relationship soppiness: "one in a million" is chance; "divine intervention" is not.


----------



## tacotiklah

Valentines day was amazing for me. Picked my man up, went to The Olive Garden for dinner, then we went back to my place and he gave me a good humpin. Best date yet.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I made it a forever alone Netflix night... Which doesn't really differ much from any other night so it's not really good or bad. Just kinda was.


----------



## leandroab

I had two wisdom teeth extracted on valentines day. I'm sure mine sucked worse...


----------



## Sicarius

I love the school I work for.

My god there are so many beautiful ladies.

and they're all way out of my league.

except one, who's probably 2-3 years younger than I am. She went to school with one of the guys I work with, and he reports that she was a huge stoner in school, but seems to have turned her life around.

Anyway, I may go "Check up on the work" we did yesterday, and talk to her a little bit.


----------



## UnderTheSign

"Out of my league" is fucking bollocks. I've been with women I'd never expect myself to be with and I see dudes I didn't expect to EVER get laid score good lookers all the time. It's all a matter of attitude. Then again - if you think you can't, you're right.


----------



## Konfyouzd

UnderTheSign said:


> "Out of my league" is fucking bollocks. I've been with women I'd never expect myself to be with and I see dudes I didn't expect to EVER get laid score good lookers all the time. It's all a matter of attitude. Then again - if you think you can't, you're right.


 
It's a little of both. 

That and the fact that not everyone sees the world the way you do (general you--not you specifically).

Person A is an INCREDIBLY fine chick.

Person B is a fat guy that plays WoW all day and has little to no ppl skills.

Just because society would say Person A is more attractive doesn't mean she can't find something about Person B that she likes. Moreover, society's perception of beauty isn't representative of how the entire population feels (as the majority of us DON'T look like that) it's merely what the media pushes as what we "should" look like.

Apparently not all of us care. 

But I think sometimes folks let their own prejudices psych them out of going for someone.


----------



## Bekanor

This one is fucked in the head, and not nearly attractive enough to get away with it.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

went out for the first real time after my ex and i broke up (were together 3 years) and got 3 numbers, and set up coffee with one. also got a couple of girls home with me and my housemate. being single is starting to look better


----------



## megano28

Konfyouzd said:


> It's a little of both.
> 
> That and the fact that not everyone sees the world the way you do (general you--not you specifically).
> 
> Person A is an INCREDIBLY fine chick.
> 
> Person B is a fat guy that plays WoW all day and has little to no ppl skills.
> 
> Just because society would say Person A is more attractive doesn't mean she can't find something about Person B that she likes. Moreover, society's perception of beauty isn't representative of how the entire population feels (as the majority of us DON'T look like that) it's merely what the media pushes as what we "should" look like.
> 
> Apparently not all of us care.
> 
> But I think sometimes folks let their own prejudices psych them out of going for someone.




Generally agree with this. The idea of "being out of someone's league" imo stems from the person feeling inferior due to society's view on their appearance/lifestyle which leads to a noticeable drop in confidence. Most of the time, the men you see carrying beautiful women aren't doing so because they are Adonises themselves, it's the confidence they exude. Of course this is not always the case.


----------



## tacotiklah

+2 on the confidence thing. It's all about how you carry yourself that attracts women. It's also true for women that want to attract a guy. No dude wants a girl that hates herself or wants to die on a daily basis. Stable, confident people are the ones that get the great people. If you aren't stable or confident, you're gonna miss out. Sucks, but tis true...


----------



## Aevolve

My girlfriend's Valentine's Day gift to me-







She's fucking hilariously awesome.


----------



## BucketheadRules

ghstofperdition said:


> +2 on the confidence thing. It's all about how you carry yourself that attracts women. It's also true for women that want to attract a guy. No dude wants a girl that hates herself or wants to die on a daily basis. Stable, confident people are the ones that get the great people. If you aren't stable or confident, you're gonna miss out. Sucks, but tis true...



Damn.

I'm stable (I think... I don't fall over that much anyway ) but I have a huge confidence problem and no idea how to overcome it...


----------



## Stealthdjentstic

I would recommend drawing angry eyebrows


----------



## Thrashmanzac

BucketheadRules said:


> Damn.
> 
> I'm stable (I think... I don't fall over that much anyway ) but I have a huge confidence problem and no idea how to overcome it...



just talk to as many girls (or guys if thats your thing) as you can. its like anything, you get better at it and build your confidence up. im not a handsome guy by any means, but i am pretty confident and really enjoy talking to girls and meeting new people  just keep constantly putting yourself out of your comfort zone


----------



## Cabinet

I think a sense of false confidence eventually evolves into genuine confidence. I think happiness plays a big role in confidence too. When I was younger I had zero confidence, no self esteem, was very quiet and shy. And I didn't overcome any of this until after high school :lol I'm still not the most confident guy in the world but eh.

To build confidence, there are a lot of things you can do. Reinventing yourself is one of them, just make sure you're still you and don't try to be anyone different.


----------



## megano28

BucketheadRules said:


> Damn.
> 
> I'm stable (I think... I don't fall over that much anyway ) but I have a huge confidence problem and no idea how to overcome it...



The thing about confidence is that it works on a positive feedback cycle. What that means for you is that obtaining it isn't easy by any means. But once you take that first step, it sort of releases a series of steps that only keeps multiplying your confidence. 



Cabinet said:


> I think a sense of false confidence eventually evolves into genuine confidence. I think happiness plays a big role in confidence too. When I was younger I had zero confidence, no self esteem, was very quiet and shy. And I didn't overcome any of this until after high school :lol I'm still not the most confident guy in the world but eh.
> 
> To build confidence, there are a lot of things you can do. Reinventing yourself is one of them, just make sure you're still you and don't try to be anyone different.



I completely agree with the first part. I had no self esteem in my younger years and that really shot my confidence. So when I got older(early teens) I sort of faked confidence and used humor to get this girl to go out with me. Once she told me yes, it instantly boosted my confidence. After our date, more women found me attractive(they're weird like that ) which boosted my confidence even more. The more girls I flirted with, the more that were open to me flirting with them. It kind of compounded to the point where I'm borderline cocky..Sometimes the first step has to be fake


----------



## Sicarius

Konfyouzd said:


> It's a little of both.
> 
> That and the fact that not everyone sees the world the way you do (general you--not you specifically).
> 
> Person A is an INCREDIBLY fine chick.
> 
> Person B is a fat guy that plays WoW all day and has little to no ppl skills.
> 
> Just because society would say Person A is more attractive doesn't mean she can't find something about Person B that she likes. Moreover, society's perception of beauty isn't representative of how the entire population feels (as the majority of us DON'T look like that) it's merely what the media pushes as what we "should" look like.
> 
> Apparently not all of us care.
> 
> But I think sometimes folks let their own prejudices psych them out of going for someone.


 I stopped playing WoW fulltime a while ago, and I'm workin' on my people skills.

I think it's just 'cause I'm fat.


----------



## megano28

^^ It's not though. There's a tumblr-ish quote out there that describes the differences between attraction to women and men. Men are very visual, you can see if you're into someone in an instant. Women on the other hand, tend to care much more about how a man handles himself, how he talks to her, makes her laugh etc. Looks aren't as big of a deal to them like they are to us. 

Learn how to make a woman smile, feel special, laugh even all while not becoming an emotional doormat and you'll get someone to call your own. The only reason I'd suggest you lose some weight/tone up is because it'll help your confidence. A six pack won't get you a woman on its own, the confidence behind it is what'll help you. Not easy at all, but a woman who only wants you for the exterior is one that won't last you long


----------



## Sicarius

megano28 said:


> ^^ It's not though. There's a tumblr-ish quote out there that describes the differences between attraction to women and men. Men are very visual, you can see if you're into someone in an instant. Women on the other hand, tend to care much more about how a man handles himself, how he talks to her, makes her laugh etc. Looks aren't as big of a deal to them like they are to us.
> 
> Learn how to make a woman smile, feel special, laugh even all while not becoming an emotional doormat and you'll get someone to call your own. The only reason I'd suggest you lose some weight/tone up is because it'll help your confidence. A six pack won't get you a woman on its own, the confidence behind it is what'll help you. Not easy at all, but a woman who only wants you for the exterior is one that won't last you long


The thing about Tumblr-ish quotes is they're full of shit.

I can do that, I'm a well likable guy, but I'm not what a chick looks for. Women may say they want someone who makes them laugh or is nice to them, but in all honesty, they're very visual, too.

Men and Women are pre-programmed to find someone to mate with, and each has it's own predispositions as to what they want and don't want. 

The girls I like may find me funny and a good friend, because that's what I am. I'm honest and trustworthy, but the chicks I like aren't chubby chasers. I don't have a lack of confidence, I have a lack of social skills to go from being friendly, to trying to go out on a date. Until recently I didn't give a shit because I didn't have the money to do any of that.

I'm okay with being alone, but I'm going to be hard on myself for being complacent with it.


----------



## UnderTheSign

If weight is the issue, I hope you're planning on or have already started losing weight?

Sorry if I sound harsh man, but you don't exactly radiate confidence. You're constantly coming up with reasons for chicks not liking you. Be a man, give them something to like. We're in the relationships thread, I doubt any dude that posts here actually wants to be alone... Or they wouldn't be here.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Sicarius said:


> The girls I like may find me funny and a good friend, because that's what I am. I'm honest and trustworthy, but the chicks I like aren't chubby chasers. I don't have a lack of confidence, I have a lack of social skills to go from being friendly, to trying to go out on a date. Until recently I didn't give a shit because I didn't have the money to do any of that.
> 
> I'm okay with being alone, but I'm going to be hard on myself for being complacent with it.



Trust me, all the social skills in the world will never get you out of a friend zone (where it sounds like you end up by this description). What girls want from friends and what they want from lovers is two complete different thing initially. 
While we want our lovers to be our friends, that really doesn't happen right away. first there's the physicality of relationship and then followed by the life long friendship. Basically, you can't be the best friend right away, you need to be somewhat emotionally reserved and put the sexual tension between yourself and the girl first. hey if she's going through a hard time be supportive, but the second she's telling you about drama in her life and you accept it and start engaging in it.. friend zone. 

But seriously, the only way to exude the sexual tension needed to engage a woman romantically involves confidence, not social skills. and you keep referencing your body image in a negative light which makes me think you are uncomfortable about yourself. if you truly dont mind being alone for the time being, i say start redefining yourself. concentrate on things you want to do, break out of all your comfort zones, try new things, new hobbies. this may or may not involve shedding a few pounds. but it gets you in the mode of actively pursuing life and living to the fullest, which is what women really want in a man.


----------



## megano28

Pretty much what everyone here has been saying. You don't have to be fit to get a woman. You're acting like a friend, not a boyfriend. Making a girl laugh is different when seen as a friend than a man. Like it's been said before, you're not giving off the dom man vibe that a woman needs to see you in that light. And I'm sorry to say, unless your way of being is completely opposite to the way you write, your lack of confidence is obvious.


----------



## Murmel

Starting to realize that being friendzoned and being in love with a person that's together with somebody else and just be friends is filled with so much anxiety and hurt.

Whatever, the happy moments we have together are like the best things ever.


----------



## Sicarius

megano28 said:


> Pretty much what everyone here has been saying. You don't have to be fit to get a woman. You're acting like a friend, not a boyfriend. Making a girl laugh is different when seen as a friend than a man. Like it's been said before, you're not giving off the dom man vibe that a woman needs to see you in that light. And I'm sorry to say, unless your way of being is completely opposite to the way you write, your lack of confidence is obvious.



Two different ways to go about getting the same thing. You have yours, and I have mine.

I'm just too busy trying to get my life together to worry about some pussy.


UnderTheSign said:


> If weight is the issue, I hope you're planning on or have already started losing weight?
> 
> Sorry if I sound harsh man, but you don't exactly radiate confidence. You're constantly coming up with reasons for chicks not liking you. Be a man, give them something to like. We're in the relationships thread, I doubt any dude that posts here actually wants to be alone... Or they wouldn't be here.



Konfysd seems pretty content in his current state of foreveralonedom. I know I am. Nothing about that was harsh, it was just calling attention to the obvious. 



Ibanezsam4 said:


> Trust me, all the social skills in the world will never get you out of a friend zone (where it sounds like you end up by this description). What girls want from friends and what they want from lovers is two complete different thing initially.
> While we want our lovers to be our friends, that really doesn't happen right away. first there's the physicality of relationship and then followed by the life long friendship. Basically, you can't be the best friend right away, you need to be somewhat emotionally reserved and put the sexual tension between yourself and the girl first. hey if she's going through a hard time be supportive, but the second she's telling you about drama in her life and you accept it and start engaging in it.. friend zone.
> 
> But seriously, the only way to exude the sexual tension needed to engage a woman romantically involves confidence, not social skills. and you keep referencing your body image in a negative light which makes me think you are uncomfortable about yourself. if you truly dont mind being alone for the time being, i say start redefining yourself. concentrate on things you want to do, break out of all your comfort zones, try new things, new hobbies. this may or may not involve shedding a few pounds. but it gets you in the mode of actively pursuing life and living to the fullest, which is what women really want in a man.



It's negative to you guys, because you can't hear my tone. I joke about my weight, I don't care about it. The only reason I want to lose some is so I don't die when I'm 35, I don't honestly give a shit if someone likes me or not. I'm not in Jr High or High School. I love my life free of that drama. 

I'm going to continue being a good friend, and then seeing if there's a chance or not, because that's how I work, if there's no romantic chance, then who gives a shit? I still have a good chick friend.

I don't have to exude sexual tension, I'm awkward enough as it is, and that won't help me a bit. Nor do I need to live life to it's fullest, what the fuck is that shit? I know plenty of women don't actually care about that, what they actually want is ambition, drive, and determination, someone who has a good job, and doesn't live with his mom.


Guys, I've heard all of this stuff before, and none of it works for me. I'm not the "hit it and quit it" type, I don't go for sex, I don't care I just want a few friends, if one turns romantic cool, if not, oh well. I'm a just a good nice dude, who likes to listen and be engaging in a conversation.

I know I sound depressed and mopey and "woe is me" but none of this really matters. I've had too many crazy girlfriends who have nothing but dumb drama and daddy issues, and I'm so very happy not having to deal with any of it.



Murmel said:


> Starting to realize that being friendzoned and being in love with a person that's together with somebody else and just be friends is filled with so much anxiety and hurt.
> 
> Whatever, the happy moments we have together are like the best things ever.



The awesome thing about love is that it takes many different forms. The hard part is turning that romantic love into an everlasting "friend" love.


----------



## Konfyouzd

megano28 said:


> ^^ It's not though. There's a tumblr-ish quote out there that describes the differences between attraction to women and men. Men are very visual, you can see if you're into someone in an instant. Women on the other hand, tend to care much more about how a man handles himself, how he talks to her, makes her laugh etc. Looks aren't as big of a deal to them like they are to us.
> 
> Learn how to make a woman smile, feel special, laugh even all while not becoming an emotional doormat and you'll get someone to call your own. The only reason I'd suggest you lose some weight/tone up is because it'll help your confidence. A six pack won't get you a woman on its own, the confidence behind it is what'll help you. Not easy at all, but a woman who only wants you for the exterior is one that won't last you long



Some of them put you in the friend zone for being everything they like. It seems there has to be at least one point of contention for them to be interested in a guy as anything more than a friend. Then again, if a chick doesn't want you for you, she's the wrong one anyway... 

No one should settle for a pair of shoes that doesn't fit just bc they're pretty...


----------



## Sicarius

Bitches be crazy for ill fitting shoes.


----------



## megano28

Konfyouzd said:


> Some of them put you in the friend zone for being everything they like. It seems there has to be at least one point of contention for them to be interested in a guy as anything more than a friend. Then again, if a chick doesn't want you for you, she's the wrong one anyway...
> 
> No one should settle for a pair of shoes that doesn't fit just bc they're pretty...




yeah man, it was a horribly vague way to try and explain how a woman finds something/someone attractive. 

I apparently made the mistake of assuming the guy I addressed that to was trying to find someone but was discouraged because of his weight. That was me offering different avenues that could be appealing. 

I agree there has to be something there initially


----------



## Sicarius

megano28 said:


> yeah man, it was a horribly vague way to try and explain how a woman finds something/someone attractive.
> 
> I apparently made the mistake of assuming the guy I addressed that to was trying to find someone but was discouraged because of his weight. That was me offering different avenues that could be appealing.
> 
> I agree there has to be something there initially


 
My username is Sicarius, you can address me as such, instead of being passive-aggressive about it.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Aww... I'm sure he meant well.


----------



## Sicarius




----------



## Captain Shoggoth

Becoming more confident is just kind of a thing, you have to put yourself out there, you just have to find a way to mix it up that works. I've always been a good friend (at least I'd like to think so) to anyone who needs me, but I always had low self-esteem and whatnot. I've still not got the best self-image, but I just kind of started being more outgoing and overexaggerating any bits of confidence I had. It might come off as douchey sometimes but I've got it to a safe place and not had anyone say so for a good while, and people know I'm still the same guy inside. To be fair, cutting off my long hair and starting weight training helped 

tl;dr, too much confidence>>>no confidence, start thinking you're stupidly awesome and eventually other people will catch on


----------



## Konfyouzd

You can do things to boost your own confidence. 

I've become a more confident person for a number of reasons. I set goals and try to see if I can impress myself. And that's the only person whose approval I seek. I know that sounds a bit arrogant, but I've found that looking for the approval of others can be a depressing road to walk and through meeting--and in some cases, EXCEEDING--my goals/expectations, I've been able to gain more confidence in myself.

Going to the gym has helped a lot as well. I've been going to the gym for the past few months with my dad and somehow getting stronger and more in shape seems to be adding to my confidence in areas completely unrelated to my physical appearance/abilities.

If nothing else, fucking lie to yourself like Katt Williams says. You're as awesome as you wanna be. Just don't get carried away to the point that you become arrogant and/or annoying to the people around you (the signs are always there).



EDIT: Just noticed my last point was 'd


----------



## Omarfan

One thing I've noticed about this thread and men in general is that A) the general attitude is that all women are the same and B) everybody thinks they're an expert but no one has a fucking clue what really works with women, why some things don't and other things do, and what exactly does work and what doesn't.

Has anyone ever considered that women are individuals with feelings and thoughts as complex as those of men and that they don't just automatically respond to one thing or another in a set and defined way?

Also has anyone considered that they can't read the minds of women and don't know whether they're interested in emotionally distant guys or whether they care about the way a man looks or not?

I mean, I suppose a topic like this can only speak generally and based on individual experiences, but none of us can possibly know or predict what anybody's particular woman is thinking at any given moment. They're not automatons. This isn't IT where you can define the problem and fix it.


----------



## Konfyouzd

No... No one has ever considered any of that. Thanks, Dr. Phil. 

And women NEVER have these types of conversations... EVER... 

We're aware that you can't generalize people. Do you read any of the other threads about homosexuals, or any other social minority? We're well aware that no one can be generalized, but certain character traits are GENERALLY unattractive. As in NOBODY FUCKING LIKES THESE THINGS SO STOP DOING THEM. 

Not only that... But if you have absolutely NO clue what to do, it doesn't hurt to hear advice from a few different people, internalize it and come up with your own plan of attack. Brainstorming never hurt anyone, home skillet...


----------



## megano28

Sicarius said:


> My username is Sicarius, you can address me as such, instead of being passive-aggressive about it.




lol I'm sorry I didn't remember your name, I don't consider it passive aggressive when I mentioned I was talking to you as you were the only person I directly addressed in my ~5 posts in this thread

no need to get your panties in a bunch


----------



## Sicarius

megano28 said:


> lol I'm sorry I didn't remember your name, I don't consider it passive aggressive when I mentioned I was talking to you as you were the only person I directly addressed in my ~5 posts in this thread
> 
> no need to get your panties in a bunch


-_-


----------



## tacotiklah

If I show my tits to everyone in this thread, can we call a truce to hostilities? No? Damn. 

FWIW, when I look for a guy, I look at his personality first and foremost. Is he confident? Can he handle himself maturely and responsibly? Does he have his shit together, or does he plan to live on my couch while I have to bust my ass to pay for everything? If I'm sad or lonely, will he think of me or will he ignore me and play skyrim for the next five months and care only about himself?

These are things a girl thinks about when she wants a guy. Funny enough, they are almost IDENTICAL to things a guy thinks about when they want a girl.


----------



## The Reverend

I'm not sure what I think, anymore. I waver between wanting to be a manwhore and seriously considering celibacy. The way I see it, a partner should be the ribbon that tops off your life. So far, I've yet to even _meet_ a girl who would legitimately add to my already-pretty-damn-good life, so with that in mind, bowing to my hormones would lead to wasted money, wasted life, and heartbreak. 

There's nothing wrong with being alone, if that's what you choose, just like there's nothing wrong with being a whore, if that's what you choose. 

As far as generalizing women and such, when it comes to the advice in this thread, and even in my own super-amazing-how-to-flirt-thread, you have to reduce anything in life to a certain common denominator. Think of it as a rubric that you then go on to narrow down. Women like a confident man is a general statement. Now narrow the focus. The woman I'm into likes a self-assured man more than an overtly confident man. See? Generalities help us deal with the huge amounts of uncertainty in life, as erroneous as they may be. I don't think condemning someone for either generalizing or not generalizing makes sense, as they're both necessary to life.

Rereading this, I sound ambiguous as fuck. Oh well.


----------



## Sicarius

I have a friend that sees any confidence I have with her as arrogance.

It's entirely confusing when she started dating a guy that invited her to a party, told everyone she was his g/f, and then said to her that she would be his.

All of this coming from a "shy" person.

So confusing.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

^who cares, are you trying to get with her? Do you care what she thinks otherwise? Ignore her.


----------



## murakami

ghstofperdition said:


> If I show my tits to everyone in this thread, can we call a truce to hostilities? No? Damn.
> 
> FWIW, when I look for a guy, I look at his personality first and foremost. Is he confident? Can he handle himself maturely and responsibly? Does he have his shit together, or does he plan to live on my couch while I have to bust my ass to pay for everything? If I'm sad or lonely, will he think of me or will he ignore me and play skyrim for the next five months and care only about himself?
> 
> These are things a girl thinks about when she wants a guy. Funny enough, they are almost IDENTICAL to things a guy thinks about when they want a girl.


 
i am not trying to insult you, i am serious... but i was getting the impression, this whole time, that you were a bisexual guy. 

i could of swore you said you were a guy or maybe that was someone else? sorry about that


----------



## Murmel

^
He is a woman trapped in a dude's body.

At least that's what I think.. I haven't been following this that well lately, sorry Ghost


----------



## Sicarius

Captain Shoggoth said:


> ^who cares, are you trying to get with her? Do you care what she thinks otherwise? Ignore her.


It's just an amusing anecdote.


----------



## MFB

Well, looks like I won't be going to the concert with my lady-friend anymore since tickets sold out. OH WELL.


----------



## tacotiklah

Murmel said:


> ^
> She is a woman trapped in a dude's body.
> 
> At least that's what I think.. I haven't been following this that well lately, sorry Ghost



Fixed for accuracy, but you got the gist of it. As a transwoman, Im privy to conversations with ciswomen that none of you guys would be allowed to hear. Because of my trans status, women instantly friend zone me, but also let me hear exactly what is going on in their head.


----------



## Sicarius

Pretty sure if you're "friend zone'd" they tend to do that anyway.

At least that's the way it's been for me.

NOW, if you'll excuse me. I have K-Pop to get lost in.


----------



## Stealthdjentstic

You guys just dont balls deep anal enough


----------



## tacotiklah

Stealthdjentstic said:


> You guys just dont balls deep anal enough



This. When the women of the world ignore you and won't give you the time of the day, remember that you're only trying to appeal to half of the population. Maximize your potential chances for a date.


----------



## JP Universe

My G/F and I of 3 years broke up last weekend.... What a wake up call! 

Bought a new wardrobe, working out again, signed up for online dating and getting out to clubs to talk to new and interesting woman... well when they're not drunk anyways!

Looking forward to getting back amongst it!!! And no guilt now for putting deposits and waiting listing customs


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

^ What happened?


----------



## Thrashmanzac

so what are your guys/girls thoughts on friends with benifits?
the reason i ask is i have been talking to my ex and flirting with the idea of it. i really see no downside, we always had the hottest sex, and as long as its a purely physical thing i think it could be pretty rad. thoughts?


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Just make sure it _remains_ a purely physical thing, and you'll be fine. I always had a hard time with that, so I avoid putting myself in that situation.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

yeah fair point, i figure as long as we are fucking, not "making love" it will be ok. i just gotta shag some more girls in the mean time


----------



## Sicarius

I have a new love.

her name is Shannon

She is my PS Vita.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

I wouldn't necessarily advise against it, but I will say that it isn't always a good idea. It depends entirely on the dynamic the two of you have outside of the bedroom. I've been in a "friends with benefits" type of relationship a few times. Twice it was with exes - once it went fine, and the other time it caused nothing but problems (incidentally, this was the girl I always had the greatest sex with). In another instance, it was with an old friend, and it started off that way because both of our hearts were with people we couldn't have and we found eachother attractive enough and were comfortable enough with eachother to have that kind of relationship. But eventually she started sending me mixed messages, and being affectionate with me in public which I wasn't comfortable with, so I had to stop sleeping with her. My current relationship is sort of one of those also. I wouldn't say it's a "friends with benefits" type of deal because we actually both have feelings for eachother, but we just can't be together right now for other reasons, but we'll see how that goes...

So like I said, It's not always a good idea, but sometimes it can work. One of you might get hurt eventually, but if you're both mature enough to understand that things might change and that you need to be on the same page about things when they do, it can work. I'd say go in expecting it to blow up in your face eventually, so when it does, you're not too surprised/hurt, but if it doesn't, you can just keep going with it and have fun


----------



## tacotiklah

FWB works fine as long as you both are clear that it won't ever go any further than an occasional humpin'. I've done this successfully with a couple of guys and it was no biggie. Tried it once with a girl and developed feelings for her, so we stopped. Once feelings come into play, end it.


----------



## samdaman87

I don't know if this happens to some of you guys, but why is that your girlfriend/significant other gets really pissed when you talk them about guitars, music, gear, etc? My girlfriend gets really pissed when I talk about my guitar. She also really hates the fact that all my guitars have female names. I know I should talk less about music and more about other things...but music will always be the first love of my life


----------



## broj15

samdaman87 said:


> I don't know if this happens to some of you guys, but why is that your girlfriend/significant other gets really pissed when you talk them about guitars, music, gear, etc? My girlfriend gets really pissed when I talk about my guitar. She also really hates the fact that all my guitars have female names. I know I should talk less about music and more about other things...but music will always be the first love of my life


 
For me and my gf it's like this: when she talks about photoshop, cameras, or photography in general (she's a graphic design major) my mind just kind of shuts off and i just give answers like "or really now" or "that sounds nice" or what ever. It's not legitimate interest but it's enough to make her think i care. When i talk about guitars or my addiction to vinyl records she does the same thing. I think it's because niether of us really understand what the other is talking about so we just knod and agree to keep eachother happy lol. It's like when my dad gets all fired up about politics my mom is just like "thats nice, dear" and then goes back to doing whatever it is she does


----------



## Konfyouzd

ghstofperdition said:


> This. When the women of the world ignore you and won't give you the time of the day, remember that you're only trying to appeal to half of the population. Maximize your potential chances for a date.


 
This is the first time I've seen sexuality explained statistically...


----------



## Konfyouzd

broj15 said:


> For me and my gf it's like this: when she talks about photoshop, cameras, or photography in general (she's a graphic design major) my mind just kind of shuts off and i just give answers like "or really now" or "that sounds nice" or what ever. It's not legitimate interest but it's enough to make her think i care. When i talk about guitars or my addiction to vinyl records she does the same thing. I think it's because niether of us really understand what the other is talking about so we just knod and agree to keep eachother happy lol. It's like when my dad gets all fired up about politics my mom is just like "thats nice, dear" and then goes back to doing whatever it is she does


 
I've tried explaining this concept so many times to so many people. It makes sense but it can be difficult to practice.



samdaman87 said:


> I don't know if this happens to some of you guys, but why is that your girlfriend/significant other gets really pissed when you talk them about guitars, music, gear, etc? My girlfriend gets really pissed when I talk about my guitar. She also really hates the fact that all my guitars have female names. I know I should talk less about music and more about other things...but music will always be the first love of my life


 
I had a rather clingy gf freshman year of college who would sit and look legitimately saddened by the fact that I would take time out of my day to play my guitar rather than spend every waking minute with her. I hadn't started naming them after women at that point either. 

The way I see it... If your significant other doesn't have SOMETHING to do in the time you're not around they're going to annoy the crap outa you. She should have been happy I have hobbies to keep me from bugging her all day.

Also, I find it almost IMPOSSIBLE to not talk about my guitar or music. It's really one of the few things that actually interests me. I think a lot of people give me the "Oh really? That's cool..." treatment bc the only things that interest me are abstract. I have a hard time talking about how drunk I got at the bar last night or what Pauly D was wearing on Jersey Shore last episode bc those things simply aren't a part of my life. That and I'm not exactly proficient in the art of small talk. It always seems forced to me so I just don't do it. 

Perhaps I could learn to talk about other things, but my attention span makes it difficult for me to stay focued on a convo that doesn't interest me...


----------



## Randy

Konfyouzd said:


> I've tried explaining this concept so many times to so many people. It makes sense but it can be difficult to practice.



Perhaps it's because they're just tuning you out and acting like they're paying attention.

RELATIONSHIPCEPTION


----------



## Sicarius

I can't do this with that avatar, Randy.


Either I need to stop watching Castle, or watching porn before going to bed. I had the craziest most vivid sex dream about who I thought was my ex. Then I remembered she's not a red head.

and looks nothing like Molly Quinn from Castle.

But that's who was in my dream...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Pretty sure that's the creepiest avatar I've seen since joining this site.


----------



## Sicarius

it just ever so slightly moves..


----------



## Greatoliver

Sicarius said:


> it just ever so slightly moves..



The right eye _definitely _moves.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Look how easily Randy's avatar distracts us from women... 

Creepy > Sexy?


----------



## Sicarius

Greatoliver said:


> The right eye _definitely _moves.


you son of a bitch I hadn't noticed that before.

Now I'll have nightmares of banana men..


----------



## leandroab

>


----------



## Fiction

broj15 said:


> For me and my gf it's like this: when she talks about photoshop, cameras, or photography in general (she's a graphic design major) my mind just kind of shuts off and i just give answers like "or really now" or "that sounds nice" or what ever. It's not legitimate interest but it's enough to make her think i care. When i talk about guitars or my addiction to vinyl records she does the same thing. I think it's because niether of us really understand what the other is talking about so we just knod and agree to keep eachother happy lol. It's like when my dad gets all fired up about politics my mom is just like "thats nice, dear" and then goes back to doing whatever it is she does



Holy shit, this is me so much. Last night I was at an 18th and some drunk girl kept showing me photos and telling me about all her drawings, I was just staring off into space, saying "That's pretty cool" and "How long have you been doing this for" and other things where it made her think we were having a conversation, but she was just talking about shit I couldn't care about.


----------



## Sicarius

No offense, guys, but this seems a little bit conceited. 

If the topic at hand isn't related to me, I'm going to feign interest.

I really hope I'm not alone in trying to be an active, engaging conversationalist.


----------



## megano28

I'm on the same boat as you man, I'm too transparent to feign interest  If I'm talking to a friend or woman and he/she's talking about something outside my scope, I'll ask them to elaborate if I really have interest in what they're talking about. I'd rather try to bring the conversation to something else if I can't get into the topic at hand and it's a one on one, otherwise I'd leave the group. I'm all for smiling and nodding if it's with my woman though, better to feign interest and keep her happy than cause unnecessary tension because I don't want to hear about her hobbies etc Although it's rarely the case


----------



## Fiction

Oh i will try find the middle ground of interest, but sometimes it's easier just to let them go on for a little while, some of it's interesting, some of it's not.


----------



## BlindingLight7

I may have told you all about this before, but I'm going to vent a bit more I guess.

I met this amazing girl named Samantha(Sam) online, she lives pretty close but we haven't got the chance to meet sadly, but she is the sweetest person I've ever "met" in my entire life. 

She is the one I talked about with the abusive BF and has cancer, she finally broke up and her cancer has been classified as stage V. aka, terminal.

She's in the hospital with a tube in her stomach and living in a "bubble" of some sort, not too sure what for, oxygen I suppose. 

We knowingly love eachother, but she is afraid to, because of how Ill she is, which I understand...but I still have feelings for her...as she does for me whether she wants to admit it or not. Seeing as she is near death... I don't know what to think or how to even feel.

All I can think of how moved I am by all of this, I know I'll find another love, but it won't be the same, it never will be. 




I don't know where I'm going with this, I'm so _?_?_?_?_?_ about it all, I don't know how to handle it .


----------



## Metal_Webb

Greatoliver said:


> The right eye _definitely _moves.



The whole thing moves when drunk >_>





BlindingLight7 said:


> I may have told you all about this before, but I'm going to vent a bit more I guess.
> 
> I met this amazing girl named Samantha(Sam) online, she lives pretty close but we haven't got the chance to meet sadly, but she is the sweetest person I've ever "met" in my entire life.
> 
> She is the one I talked about with the abusive BF and has cancer, she finally broke up and her cancer has been classified as stage V. aka, terminal.
> 
> She's in the hospital with a tube in her stomach and living in a "bubble" of some sort, not too sure what for, oxygen I suppose.
> 
> We knowingly love eachother, but she is afraid to, because of how Ill she is, which I understand...but I still have feelings for her...as she does for me whether she wants to admit it or not. Seeing as she is near death... I don't know what to think or how to even feel.
> 
> All I can think of how moved I am by all of this, I know I'll find another love, but it won't be the same, it never will be.
> 
> I don't know where I'm going with this, I'm so _?_?_?_?_?_ about it all, I don't know how to handle it .





She's most likely living in a bubble due to her immune system not working anymore. Strange how the human body can go from functional to barely working in such a small period of time.

Also, coming from a guy who's never experienced love  If that's what you feel with this lady, make the most from it. Treasure every moment you have with her and try to make what time she has left as nice as possible. Take something special from it and grow from the experience.


----------



## tacotiklah

Konfyouzd said:


> This is the first time I've seen *bisexuality* explained statistically...



Fixed for improved accuracy.


----------



## soliloquy




----------



## leandroab

BlindingLight7 said:


> I may have told you all about this before, but I'm going to vent a bit more I guess.
> 
> I met this amazing girl named Samantha(Sam) online, she lives pretty close but we haven't got the chance to meet sadly, but she is the sweetest person I've ever "met" in my entire life.
> 
> She is the one I talked about with the abusive BF and has cancer, she finally broke up and her cancer has been classified as stage V. aka, terminal.
> 
> She's in the hospital with a tube in her stomach and living in a "bubble" of some sort, not too sure what for, oxygen I suppose.
> 
> We knowingly love eachother, but she is afraid to, because of how Ill she is, which I understand...but I still have feelings for her...as she does for me whether she wants to admit it or not. Seeing as she is near death... I don't know what to think or how to even feel.
> 
> All I can think of how moved I am by all of this, I know I'll find another love, but it won't be the same, it never will be.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I don't know where I'm going with this, I'm so _?_?_?_?_?_ about it all, I don't know how to handle it .



This should be a movie script.


----------



## Sicarius

soliloquy said:


>



I got after 7s and 8s and I'm still forever alone. Must be my award winning personality.


----------



## Omarfan

Try going lower?


----------



## soliloquy

so...did any one ask anyone out on feb 29th? 
you should have! that way you would only have to celebrate your anniversary once every 4 years!


----------



## The Reverend

Omarfan said:


> Try going lower?



Is there a magic number? A number low enough to boost your confidence, while not so low as to make you hate yourself? This is intriguing to me.


----------



## Sicarius

I'd rather be forever alone than go out with a sub-5.

Am I shallow? oh yea.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

^I always found a 1-10 rating odd, whilst there are some objectively very beautiful people out there, and some people are just plain unattractive, I've often been attracted to people my friends would only think of as 5 or a 7 or whatever, and vice versa


----------



## Church2224

I guess it is my turn to chime in here....

Soon I will be 21, a significant year in the life of any young America. I have been looking back and seeing I have and have not done with my life so far, with mixed feelings. One of the things that my mind has been wrapped around I have only been on one date with one girl, never had a relationship at all, and it is making me a but depressed. Most, if not all girls I meet in college now are either in relationships or have no interest in me at all. But I guess that it has always been that way for me.

My Psych says that it could be how introverted I am. Some people just never get involved with anyone and live alone like that. Even as I type this as I wait for my next class a gorgeous blonde girl is sitting next to me, and I just can't seem to muster up the strength and courage to say anything. So that could be a whole factor in it. 

And I am doing my best to come to terms with it. Looking at it in a positive way if that is what I am destined to be. I guess being on my own has its ups and downs. I know I will always have a dog or two, more money for guitars, gear and other interests of mine, but it just does not seem to be enough.

But I just want the one, I just need the one, I wish I could just get passed all of the petty drama and bullshit I have seen my friends and family go through when they get involved and just find the right person. Then again is all the petty bullshit that comes with a relationship worth it as well? I don;t know, just a lot for me to think about. 

Anyway, that is my contribution. Any words of advice from the wise?


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

Next time you see a girl you like: do something. Do it there and then. Don't hold back. Just do it, something, anything. Report back to this 
thread.

c'mon man, don't be a caboose!


----------



## Bekanor

^What this guy said. 

I'm reeeeeaaaaalllly shy, but I'm also sick of being single. So over the last couple of months I've asked out 4 girls and ended up getting knocked back by all of them and you know what? It's really not the soul crushing catastrophe that I used to think it was. Someone not wanting to go out with you doesn't diminish you in any way. Everyone has different tastes in partners and just because you didn't match up with one doesn't mean you won't match up with another. 

It really is a numbers game, and if you're anything like me and have terrible instincts for signals and all that shit you're going to have to treat it that way and just take the chance on anyone you think is interested (obviously you should be interested too). Don't even bother trying to weigh up possible hints and shit like that, it's a fools errand. So many girls behave the exact same way with friend-zoners as they do with guys they're attracted to so it's a fool's errand unless you're one of those guys with fist sized testicles that can't spell "apple". They get rejected too but they have supplement and pack rape to make them feel better about it.

It's all about confidence, making the first move shows that you have some and if you're not a confident person, just fake it, you'd be surprised how quickly the illusion becomes reality when it pays off.


----------



## CrownofWorms

The friend-zone isn't really that bad(unless you don't wan't to be her friend). But the tool-zone is the worst, and you don't even know it until your (real)friend knocks some sense into you.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

The friend-zone and getting rejected is way less serious than you think, it just takes a couple times to realise this. In fact, I've actually become _better_ friends with people than I was before _after_ they rejected me. And if stuff doesn't work out, I hate to fall on cliche, but it's probably better that it didn't. 

Examples, 1 specific, 1 general.

1-Real: My first crush was a girl I liked for friggin aaaages. We're still friends but I've come to realise that she can be a bit (read: understatement) hormonal sometimes, and I'm actually kind of scared of her, in a way  That's not a problem but imagine if we were in a relationship. One wrong move and I'd be eaten alive, fo srs dawg

2-Hypothetical: I really wanted a girlfriend maybe a year and a half, a couple years ago. A couple years ago my grades were lagging, I had long, badly-maintained hair, practised very little in the way of personal grooming, was chubby with scrawny arms and extremely unfit. Now weightlifting is my biggest passion next to making music and physique-and fitness-wise it shows compared to before, I cut my hair short again, I'm well-groomed, my grades are solid.

If I'd had a girlfriend, would I have had the drive to better myself? Perhaps, I did it all for myself, yes. But I think I'd have been complacent, and may have stayed that way. And if I'd had a girlfriend, would I have started devoting more time to working, and got out of my 3 or so year grade slump? It worries me to think.

tl;dr, just be a man and do it, the worst that can happen is she says no and in some cases that's as good as if not better than her saying yes


----------



## Sicarius

I found out the one chick I met during a call the other week goes by my office daily to drop off some mail for the dude she's a secretary for.

I'm gonna hit her up tomorrow with some small talk, since we've only met once, and only said "hey" to each other once in the hall.


----------



## Fiction

Church, do anything. Especially if they're a random strange, I mean you probably won't see them again if it goes bad, so you have nothing to lose, you dont even have to hit on them, or try for anything like that.. Just work up the confidence to speak to a woman you don't know. Once you got that down pact than you can pull out all the moves.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Church2224 said:


> I guess it is my turn to chime in here....
> 
> Soon I will be 21, a significant year in the life of any young America. I have been looking back and seeing I have and have not done with my life so far, with mixed feelings. One of the things that my mind has been wrapped around I have only been on one date with one girl, never had a relationship at all, and it is making me a but depressed. Most, if not all girls I meet in college now are either in relationships or have no interest in me at all. But I guess that it has always been that way for me.
> 
> My Psych says that it could be how introverted I am. Some people just never get involved with anyone and live alone like that. Even as I type this as I wait for my next class a gorgeous blonde girl is sitting next to me, and I just can't seem to muster up the strength and courage to say anything. So that could be a whole factor in it.
> 
> And I am doing my best to come to terms with it. Looking at it in a positive way if that is what I am destined to be. I guess being on my own has its ups and downs. I know I will always have a dog or two, more money for guitars, gear and other interests of mine, but it just does not seem to be enough.
> 
> But I just want the one, I just need the one, I wish I could just get passed all of the petty drama and bullshit I have seen my friends and family go through when they get involved and just find the right person. Then again is all the petty bullshit that comes with a relationship worth it as well? I don;t know, just a lot for me to think about.
> 
> Anyway, that is my contribution. Any words of advice from the wise?




As a fellow introvert, I can relate. I find it extremely difficult to say anything to a person in whom I am interested, or even to whom I am attracted (whether there is any real interest or not).

I have gotten around this to a certain degree by training myself to not think about it. When you are near a person you would like to talk to, forget about yourself, your habits, and so on. Pick something obvious (hair style works well, as it is something in which most women put a considerable amount of effort) and complement them. It doesn't have to be deeply meaningful. Just say something simple, like "Hi, I'm So-and-so, and I think your hair really looks nice today." It is very likely that nothing will come from it, but it's infinitely more likely that nothing will come from saying nothing.

If nothing comes from it, you've gained nothing, but also lost nothing. Just take enjoyment from the possibility that you've made her feel at least some small degree better about herself. Women are human and have insecurities too, especially the beautiful ones.

The point is, you have nothing to lose by trying. The only choice to make is whether to guarantee failure, or to give success a chance.


----------



## BlindingLight7

Welp, even the greatest of girls fuck me over. caught her posting dirty pics on a incognito myyearbook account. fucking aye


Welp, I think I'm done with the whole serious dating thing, there are no decent human beings left on the planet.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

everyone just go find "the 77 laws of women and dating" by David Deangelo so we can shut this thread down. I have had a serious gf for a long while now, but I listen to his stuff because it's more about how to be a naturally attractive mature man than about techniques to pull cheap whores . I understand the issues with relationships that we have, but if you want to fix em you gotta start somewhere, and David D knows what the fuck's up. Do yourself a favor and check his stuff out.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

^am doing sir

inb4 obvious



BlindingLight7 said:


> Welp, even the greatest of girls fuck me over. caught her posting dirty pics on a incognito myyearbook account. fucking aye
> 
> 
> Welp, I think I'm done with the whole serious dating thing, there are no decent human beings left on the planet.



aaah fuck, you serious?

fuck that shit dude, fuck that shit


----------



## Aevolve

Anyone figured out why you can say something to a female, she can accept it and not be upset about it in the slightest, and then later become upset about it?

What kind of black magic is this?


----------



## Church2224

Fiction said:


> Church, do anything. Especially if they're a random strange, I mean you probably won't see them again if it goes bad, so you have nothing to lose, you dont even have to hit on them, or try for anything like that.. Just work up the confidence to speak to a woman you don't know. Once you got that down pact than you can pull out all the moves.



I think this is my main problem, I am just too shy and get scared when I approach a girl and I have no idea what to say. I guess though I need some practice at it all, thanks man. 



HaMMerHeD said:


> As a fellow introvert, I can relate. I find it extremely difficult to say anything to a person in whom I am interested, or even to whom I am attracted (whether there is any real interest or not).
> 
> I have gotten around this to a certain degree by training myself to not think about it. When you are near a person you would like to talk to, forget about yourself, your habits, and so on. Pick something obvious (hair style works well, as it is something in which most women put a considerable amount of effort) and complement them. It doesn't have to be deeply meaningful. Just say something simple, like "Hi, I'm So-and-so, and I think your hair really looks nice today." It is very likely that nothing will come from it, but it's infinitely more likely that nothing will come from saying nothing.
> 
> If nothing comes from it, you've gained nothing, but also lost nothing. Just take enjoyment from the possibility that you've made her feel at least some small degree better about herself. Women are human and have insecurities too, especially the beautiful ones.
> 
> The point is, you have nothing to lose by trying. The only choice to make is whether to guarantee failure, or to give success a chance.



This probably is the best advice I have heard in a while, thanks man. I guess I am used to the old High School mind set where if I talked to one girl everyone knew about it. But I am in college and there are a ton of people there. 

I will give all this a shot next time I am around...well girls in general lol. I will be busy the next few days. 

Thanks again guys!


----------



## flint757

Me, personally I just don't like myself when I'm dating someone my whole personality changes its fucking crazy and unintentional to boot. I mean I'm a nice guy, but I get overkill in a relationship to the point where I do nothing for myself (like guitar, archery etc.). My selfish side says fuck it just do what you want


----------



## BlindingLight7

My right hand loves me better than any woman could!!!!


----------



## leandroab

I think I've been mathzoned...


----------



## Sicarius

PeachesMcKenzie said:


> Anyone figured out why you can say something to a female, she can accept it and not be upset about it in the slightest, and then later become upset about it?
> 
> What kind of black magic is this?


Womanism.


----------



## flint757

Sicarius said:


> Womanism.



Easy, they were scheming and waiting for the opportune moment. Deviously genius...


----------



## Miek

Sicarius said:


> I got after 7s and 8s and I'm still forever alone. Must be my award winning personality.



The trick is to treat women like people instead of numbers


----------



## simulclass83

A little OT but anyone else notice the tags in this thread?


----------



## flint757

simulclass83 said:


> A little OT but anyone else notice the tags in this thread?



Oh....MY...GOD


----------



## Sicarius

I still have no idea who John Ice is.


----------



## MFB

Sicarius said:


> I still have no idea who John Ice is.




He only comes out at night mostly

...mostly

But seriously, hes not around much anymore. He was very prominent in the early days of this thread


----------



## Miek

He really likes dragons and is the third prettiest man I have ever seen


----------



## Sicarius

I dunno. I've seen some pretty dudes..


----------



## The Reverend

John Ice is not only very handsome, but apparently very good with the ladies.


----------



## leandroab

So last night I've declared my feelings for the girl I was seeing previously and she didn't seem very happy. She reacted weird. Like a mix of embarrassment (about not knowing how to handle these kinds of situations. Something I have too) and fear, because she had some problems with her last relationship. She said she would think about it.

Needless to say I feel like SHIT. Why the hell would SHE like to hook up on the first date and be all kissy and shit the next dates and suddenly she acts all weird when I ask if she has feelings for me? I know she likes me, but it seems that something is preventing her from admiring it and I suspect she'll use the "friendzone" as an excuse to not face the truth. But at the same time she is not seeing any men, and has no feelings for her last boyfriend either...

If she ends up saying no for reals, I don't even know what I'll do. She was the piece that was missing in my life as of today. I'm sick of all the shit going on lately.

God I feel sick


----------



## flint757

leandroab said:


> So last night I've declared my feelings for the girl I was seeing previously and she didn't seem very happy. She reacted weird. Like a mix of embarrassment (about not knowing how to handle these kinds of situations. Something I have too) and fear, because she had some problems with her last relationship. She said she would think about it.
> 
> Needless to say I feel like SHIT. Why the hell would SHE like to hook up on the first date and be all kissy and shit the next dates and suddenly she acts all weird when I ask if she has feelings for me? I know she likes me, but it seems that something is preventing her from admiring it and I suspect she'll use the "friendzone" as an excuse to not face the truth. But at the same time she is not seeing any men, and has no feelings for her last boyfriend either...
> 
> If she ends up saying no for reals, I don't even know what I'll do. She was the piece that was missing in my life as of today. I'm sick of all the shit going on lately.
> 
> God I feel sick



Hmmm that is weird especially since you say you've been seeing each other. I guess she could have been moving slower. It's funny how it is bad when dudes respond that way to similar situations and yet it is so common for women to do that. Hypocrites. 

In all seriousness good luck, wouldn't concede defeat just yet.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

leandroab said:


> So last night I've declared my feelings for the girl I was seeing previously and she didn't seem very happy. She reacted weird. Like a mix of embarrassment (about not knowing how to handle these kinds of situations. Something I have too) and fear, because she had some problems with her last relationship. She said she would think about it.
> 
> Needless to say I feel like SHIT. Why the hell would SHE like to hook up on the first date and be all kissy and shit the next dates and suddenly she acts all weird when I ask if she has feelings for me? I know she likes me, but it seems that something is preventing her from admiring it and I suspect she'll use the "friendzone" as an excuse to not face the truth. But at the same time she is not seeing any men, and has no feelings for her last boyfriend either...
> 
> If she ends up saying no for reals, I don't even know what I'll do. She was the piece that was missing in my life as of today. I'm sick of all the shit going on lately.
> 
> God I feel sick


 
I think one thing that blows up in a lot of guys' faces is that we dont understand that women need to feel like major steps in relationships are THEIR idea, not ours. So when we throw things like our feelings at them, they feel like they're not in control of the situation and that spook's them abit. Plus, if they feel like you're the slightest bit needy, it's a big blow to the attraction. If I were you, I'd just really try not to place too much importance on this one girl, and realize that even if she does feel like the missing piece, NO woman will ever come in and fix absoloutly all the problems in your life. That's up to you to do. When you realize that, you'll be able to look at the situation objectively, and calm down. That way, when she sees that you aren't needy (I call it "coming from a paradigm of women-scarcity ) she'll be more inclined to see your end of it, and the relationship decision "ball" will be in her court again. Remember, it needs to feel like her decision for the best results. Good luck man!


----------



## soliloquy

5 pregnancy tests later...still the answer is a bit 'no'...
but the last period she had was dec 26th...

what the fuck?!


----------



## leandroab

I'm really hurt. I'm a bit unstable psychologically right now. There is a lot of shitty things going on with my family. My grandpa is ill and I hear him suffering, complaining and shit everyday (I live with him).

This thing was the cherry on top of a big shit sundae that my mood is. I really love her and I'm desperate to talk this out with her, but I just don't want to be desperate. But it seems that I can't help it. When I talked to her last night I could see in her face that she wanted to say "I love you too" but she couldn't for some reason, like if she is too shy or something. I mean, nobody in that situation, if they don't really love you, would refrain from saying it to avoid misunderstandings... It's the most obvious thing to do. 

Even more obvious is to say that on the first fucking date, instead of wanting to hook up. Seriously I was going to kiss her goodbye on the cheek and she turned her face and kissed me... yeah.

Right now this is what is happening: She said she would think about it and that she would call me. What I really want is to meet with her, one last time if it may be, to discuss this. But I'm the one that always calls and shit. I don't wanna call.. I want to wait and see if she calls me... 

Omg this is so pathetic. I never imagined I would say so much bullshit like this.


----------



## flint757

leandroab said:


> I'm really hurt. I'm a bit unstable psychologically right now. There is a lot of shitty things going on with my family. My grandpa is ill and I hear him suffering, complaining and shit everyday (I live with him).
> 
> This thing was the cherry on top of a big shit sundae that my mood is. I really love her and I'm desperate to talk this out with her, but I just don't want to be desperate. But it seems that I can't help it. When I talked to her last night I could see in her face that she wanted to say "I love you too" but she couldn't for some reason, like if she is too shy or something. I mean, nobody in that situation, if they don't really love you, would refrain from saying it to avoid misunderstandings... It's the most obvious thing to do.
> 
> Even more obvious is to say that on the first fucking date, instead of wanting to hook up. Seriously I was going to kiss her goodbye on the cheek and she turned her face and kissed me... yeah.
> 
> Right now this is what is happening: She said she would think about it and that she would call me. What I really want is to meet with her, one last time if it may be, to discuss this. But I'm the one that always calls and shit. I don't wanna call.. I want to wait and see if she calls me...
> 
> Omg this is so pathetic. I never imagined I would say so much bullshit like this.



Most girls (and dude) play the game man. If she said she'll call let her. Don't call. If you do wait a couple days. It is dumb that we have built a society around the idea that just saying hey I like you isn't enough and even then you're just jumping through hoops. If she said she'd call you it will seem very desperate if you call.


----------



## Omarfan

leandroab said:


> So last night I've declared my feelings for the girl I was seeing previously and she didn't seem very happy. She reacted weird. Like a mix of embarrassment (about not knowing how to handle these kinds of situations. Something I have too) and fear, because she had some problems with her last relationship. She said she would think about it.
> 
> Needless to say I feel like SHIT. Why the hell would SHE like to hook up on the first date and be all kissy and shit the next dates and suddenly she acts all weird when I ask if she has feelings for me? I know she likes me, but it seems that something is preventing her from admiring it and I suspect she'll use the "friendzone" as an excuse to not face the truth. But at the same time she is not seeing any men, and has no feelings for her last boyfriend either...
> 
> If she ends up saying no for reals, I don't even know what I'll do. She was the piece that was missing in my life as of today. I'm sick of all the shit going on lately.
> 
> God I feel sick


lol You know she likes you, but she just can't admit it.

Those are the words of a mind reader or a rapist. Be wary of such judgments. They seem obsessive and creepy.

EDIT: Just read your second post. Lay off the creeper shit man. You don't love her, you just now admitted you have feelings for her. That's not how love works. And you don't know she loves you any more than you know whether you'll get hit by a bus tomorrow.


----------



## flint757

Omarfan said:


> lol You know she likes you, but she just can't admit it.
> 
> Those are the words of a mind reader or a rapist. Be wary of such judgments. They seem obsessive and creepy.
> 
> EDIT: Just read your second post. Lay off the creeper shit man. You don't love her, you just now admitted you have feelings for her. That's not how love works. And you don't know she loves you any more than you know whether you'll get hit by a bus tomorrow.



While that could have been said without sounding like an A-hole.  

He has a point. you don't know without a doubt she has a strong thing for you and people get into relationships that end up being somewhat shallow so the evidence is all circumstantial anyways. TBH when you actually end up in love with someone it isn't something that just comes up in conversation it just sort of happens if that makes sense. The fact that you had to tell her and now she is thinking about it (possible code for awkward) tells me it isn't true love at the very least on both sides so you might be grasping at straws. 

Hate to break it to you so hard, but that's just how I perceive it (and as that can be ignored if you please), not to mention I've been in your shoes before and relationships that were like that didn't last. Either way just wait for the call. You'll only be shooting yourself in the foot if there is something salvageable.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I thought his post was playfully funny until the edit. Leandro's a cool dude. I don't see him as a creeper, but then again none of Dohmer's victims saw him as a cannibal either I'm assuming... 

 you Leandro...


----------



## Sicarius

Leandro is a bit of a nutter, but creeper? Nah. We all have our creeper moments, though, but the German Brasillian isn't a full on creeper


----------



## Konfyouzd

Umm... Facebook: Creepers Unanimous... Yea... I said what I meant and I know what that "U" word means.


----------



## Omarfan

Konfyouzd said:


> I thought his post was playfully funny until the edit. Leandro's a cool dude. I don't see him as a creeper, but then again none of Dohmer's victims saw him as a cannibal either I'm assuming...
> 
> you Leandro...


I don't know, I'm just being a goon. 

But for real, I'm just some internet guy, not a psychiatrist, so I rarely use kid gloves when discussing unhealthy behaviour.


----------



## Sicarius

Konfyouzd said:


> Umm... Facebook: Creepers Unanimous... Yea... I said what I meant and I know what that "U" word means.


/german
Was?
/german


----------



## Konfyouzd

I'm sayin' ervrybody's a creeper. And yes I spelled that right too.


----------



## Bekanor

When did restaurants stop serving fucking food?

Seriously, if you want to eat by the water these days you better be ready to eat fucking fillet of bottom-feeding suction eel or something wacky like that. 

I've been researching restaurants for my date on Saturday and doing my best to satisfy both "romantic location" and "menu contains food items" criteria. 

I think I made the right call on the place I chose, it's an uppity bar but it has outdoor dining with water view. Now all I have to worry about is not being a complete retard and I should be golden. Tall order indeed.


----------



## leandroab

Omarfan said:


> lol You know she likes you, but she just can't admit it.
> 
> Those are the words of a mind reader or a rapist. Be wary of such judgments. They seem obsessive and creepy.
> 
> EDIT: Just read your second post. Lay off the creeper shit man. You don't love her, you just now admitted you have feelings for her. That's not how love works. And you don't know she loves you any more than you know whether you'll get hit by a bus tomorrow.





Very mature.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

So last night I had my first threesome!

Due to situations beyond our control, the man and I decided on an open relationship. Making a long story short, my friend with benefits mentioned a threesome. I told him I'd only do it if my boyfriend was involved (I didn't want to include someone I didn't know). I had them meet and all that and we just hung out. Afterwards my boyfriend brings up the threesome idea after a conversation we were having, he and my FWB both had the same interests..and everything fell into place. Everyone had a good time, and me and my man have never been closer..I REGRET NOTHING!


----------



## JeffFromMtl

You lucky bastard. My ex was bi and we had put idea of a threesome with another girl on the table, but she wanted to be a little more comfortable in our relationship before bringing another person into the equation. Unfortunately, our relationship took a strange and unexpected turn for the worse one day and we ended up breaking up before we got the chance to try it


----------



## leandroab

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> So last night I had my first threesome!
> 
> Due to situations beyond our control, the man and I decided on an open relationship. Making a long story short, my friend with benefits mentioned a threesome. I told him I'd only do it if my boyfriend was involved (I didn't want to include someone I didn't know). I had them meet and all that and we just hung out. Afterwards my boyfriend brings up the threesome idea after a conversation we were having, he and my FWB both had the same interests..and everything fell into place. Everyone had a good time, and me and my man have never been closer..I REGRET NOTHING!







JeffFromMtl said:


> You lucky bastard. My ex was bi and we had put idea of a threesome with another girl on the table, but she wanted to be a little more comfortable in our relationship before bringing another person into the equation. Unfortunately, our relationship took a strange and unexpected turn for the worse one day and we ended up breaking up before we got the chance to try it





Darn it man! I would be very pissed!


----------



## misingonestring

My school is full of the worst women to walk the face of this planet and the ones who aren't (as far as I know) are friends with a lot of my close friends.


----------



## renzoip

I once dated a girl who offered to have a threesome with another girl and I on our first month. She was so fucking crazy that I dumped her two weeks into the relationship. I do not regret it, she was that bad! 

Also, she was planning on hiring a prostitute from backpage for our threesome.


----------



## JosephAOI

Well, I just broke up with my girlfriend :/

It kind of had to be done cause she was clingy as shit and practically holding me back from everything I want to do in life. It sucks though cause It's always great to know that you have someone around all the time who cares about you so much. But not when she's suffocating you


----------



## Randy

^
I'm in a very similar situation and I applaud you for getting out of it. Currently we're locked into a struggle to determine if it's going to stay this way or if we can acclimate to a more balanced setup.

If you appreciate things like you seem to (_"It's always great to know that you have someone around all the time who cares about you so much"_), you'll have no trouble attracting and keeping a partner when the time's right. In the meantime, enjoy your freedom while you have it.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I just got Mass Effect 3... 



That's all I have to say about that.


----------



## USMarine75

* Need a threesome and moresome thread... just saying.


----------



## JosephAOI

Thanks Randy, I'm feeling a lot more hopeful about things after hearing that from you  I hope everything works out alright for yourself as well!


----------



## Sicarius

Konfyouzd said:


> I just got Mass Effect 3...
> 
> 
> 
> That's all I have to say about that.


I hate you and everyone else that has it right now.

-_- I still have to wait 'til Friday and scrounge around for a CE.


----------



## Bekanor

Quick question, is giving a girl flowers on a first date romantic or too much?


----------



## JeffFromMtl

She'll probably think it's cute. I've never done it, but I think it's generally just seen as a nice gesture so I doubt it'd be too much. A few times I've met girls' parents for the first time, I'd bring flowers for the mother, and that's generally gone over well.


----------



## soliloquy

Bekanor said:


> Quick question, is giving a girl flowers on a first date romantic or too much?



could go either way...
first, how well do you know her? and how well does she know you? 

here are possible scenario that this could go down as (and yes, they all are very logical only, and only if neither of you know each other too well)

1) shes allergic or dislikes/hates the flower/color you chose. maybe she even has a baggage story with it

2) she thinks in her beautifuly fucked up head of hers "he is getting me flowers...that means he wants something in return...fuck that shit! hes getting nothing!" *cold shoulder for the rest of the date...she may also think its clingy or stalkerish 

3) she thinks in her beautifuly fucked up head of hers " one flower? a single fucking flower?! who the fuck does he think i am!? i deserve a whole lot more!"

4) shes a bit realistic/pessimistic and appreciates the thought behind the flower, but says 'why did you waste that money on a dumb flower when it will die rather quick?' 

5) she will say 'single flower is simple and elegant and a great gesture. thank you'

6) she will say 'that is really romantic! thank you!' she would also think that a flower on the first date could be something lasting and memorable 





what i'm saying is 
a) girls are fucked up. 
b)too lil info is given.
c) read a)
d) read a)






i would recommend taking her to a place that is different and unique. movie and dinner is fine, but a bit repetitive. 

for my first date, i actually took my gf to a lunch at this very cozy place, but that was followed by taking her to a bhuddist temple. why? shows how open she is to different things and cultures and religions and art. also, something very memorable and different. 

however, one thing that she remembers even 4 years after that date is that i actually held her coat up so it will be easier for her to put her arms into her sleeves...a simple gesture that i didn't think twice about, nor did i have an alliterative motive behind, but she thought that that was the sweetest thing ever....go figure


----------



## Omarfan

Nobody gives flowers on a first date anymore. Barely anybody gives flowers at all anymore, unless they've been dating for a while and it's Valentine's Day or their birthday or something.

She could take it as charming and old school, I don't know her, but more likely she's gonna find it creepy and weird. Don't do it.

MOST IMPORTANT TIPS FOR ANYONE GOING ON A DATE EVER: Act natural, be yourself, don't treat the girl like you see guys on TV treat girls they date (i.e. classic chivalry is dead and will embarrass you), and never invest much on a first date. Just go out for drinks or something, be cool, and pretend like you're hanging out with one of the guys. If all goes well, go for the kiss at the end of the night when you're alone and make plans for next time.

EDIT: Obviously when I say "pretend you're hanging out with one of the guys," I don't mean treat her exactly like one of the guys. You wanna flirt with her, you probably shouldn't flirt with one of the guys. But don't treat her like she's your girlfriend or some strange creature because she's a female. I don't know, this is hard to explain, it's something that should be obvious but trips some guys up for whatever reason. They end up being too nice or too chivalrous or too awkward or too clingy or something other thing starting the word "too."


----------



## Bekanor

So a no on the flowers, got it.

As for everything else, she's actually really easy to just be myself around, I've not once felt nervous or like I had to be this or that or say the right thing at the right time.

I think I'll be fine, I'm excited but not too much. I haven't overthought anything, and I'm not desperately trying to come up with things to talk about before the fact, I'm just looking forward to getting to know her better.

Basically, she doesn't seem crazy at all. Which is a refreshing change after the head games I've been through over the last 8 months.


----------



## murakami

Omarfan said:


> Nobody gives flowers on a first date anymore. Barely anybody gives flowers at all anymore, unless they've been dating for a while and it's Valentine's Day or their birthday or something.
> 
> She could take it as charming and old school, I don't know her, but more likely she's gonna find it creepy and weird. Don't do it.
> 
> ."


 
dude, i don't know what kind of women you're dating but that is false.
first date; yeah, that is coming on a little strong i suppose, but giving flowers is a nice gesture and it works.

i've been doing it, just for the hell of it because it makes my wife smile.
i completely fucking refuse to take her out on valentines day or buy flowers, though. not because of conforming, but because of the retarded prices they charge you. it's basically a corporate day to make money and i don't want to pour my money into that.

once a month, or every other month i like to suprise her with different colored flower arrangements. they look nice... they die fast because of the metal playing in the background though


----------



## murakami

Bekanor said:


> she doesn't seem crazy at all. .


 
we're talking a bout a woman, right?

the crazy is there, man... just hiding somewhere.


----------



## Omarfan

murakami said:


> dude, i don't know what kind of women you're dating but that is false.
> first date; yeah, that is coming on a little strong i suppose, but giving flowers is a nice gesture and it works.
> 
> i've been doing it, just for the hell of it because it makes my wife smile.
> i completely fucking refuse to take her out on valentines day or buy flowers, though. not because of conforming, but because of the retarded prices they charge you. it's basically a corporate day to make money and i don't want to pour my money into that.
> 
> once a month, or every other month i like to suprise her with different colored flower arrangements. they look nice... they die fast because of the metal playing in the background though


You're married. That's completely different. It's nice to buy your wife flowers. Expected even, if you don't want her to bitch about how you never do anything nice for her. It's nice enough to buy your girlfriend flowers too. But when it comes to a first date, it's just not done anymore. Not even on a third date. You have to be official before that's a cool thing to do.

But I don't know, not to critique your advice or anything, but I find that some of the worst advice I see comes from married guys for a variety of reasons.

Number one, the game changes completely when you're married. I mean, the whole relationship dynamic is different. Bringing flowers is a nice gesture because you may not be all lovey-dovey all the time anymore. You begin to take each other for granted and if things like flowers aren't brought then each is probably going to end up feeling unloved at some point.

Number two, use it or lose it. Not to say this is true of you, but married guys seem to get out of touch with the dating game because they're not actively participating in it anymore. They either judge things by the standard of their wives or judge things by the standard of the way things were when they weren't married and depending on how long they've been married, the game may have changed quite a bit. There's very recent advents such as texting that older married guys probably don't get. This is a big part of the reason recent divorcees have such a hard time getting back into the dating game when they're in their 40's and their marriage dissolves (a pretty common thing in America today).

Lastly, they seem to think that because something worked with their wife, it will work with anyone on any girl. See my earlier posts about generalization of women, treating them like robots. Married guys aren't dumb enough to treat all women exactly the same (they're around one enough to understand a female perspective, sweaty internet nerds aren't), but they seem to think they have the winning game plan because they managed to bag one for life. It's an unfair thing for guys who may listen to them, because something the married guy's wife may have found charming may be repulsive to another woman. But with that status of being married, there's a certain respect among single guys that will make them fall blindly for clearly bad advice sometimes.

Again, not saying any of this is you, it's just a general observation on married guys giving dating advice out. I really feel like I could write a Loveline-esque column for a paper or something sometimes, so don't mind me indulging in that a bit.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

I think a major part of the way that any sort of gesture is perceived is in the way you carry yourself otherwise and what kind of guy you are in general. If you're a sweaty internet nerd, yeah, I guess it could come across as trying too hard/coming on too strong. If you're casual about it, I honestly don't think it's a big deal.

I know for a fact that a kind gesture coming from a guy that's a push-over is just as much of a turn-off as a nice gesture from a guy that's generally a hard-ass is a turn-on.


----------



## murakami

Omarfan said:


> You're married. That's completely different. It's nice to buy your wife flowers. Expected even, if you don't want her to bitch about how you never do anything nice for her. It's nice enough to buy your girlfriend flowers too. But when it comes to a first date, it's just not done anymore. Not even on a third date. You have to be official before that's a cool thing to do.
> 
> But I don't know, not to critique your advice or anything, but I find that some of the worst advice I see comes from married guys for a variety of reasons.
> 
> Number one, the game changes completely when you're married. I mean, the whole relationship dynamic is different. Bringing flowers is a nice gesture because you may not be all lovey-dovey all the time anymore. You begin to take each other for granted and if things like flowers aren't brought then each is probably going to end up feeling unloved at some point.
> 
> Number two, use it or lose it. Not to say this is true of you, but married guys seem to get out of touch with the dating game because they're not actively participating in it anymore. They either judge things by the standard of their wives or judge things by the standard of the way things were when they weren't married and depending on how long they've been married, the game may have changed quite a bit. There's very recent advents such as texting that older married guys probably don't get. This is a big part of the reason recent divorcees have such a hard time getting back into the dating game when they're in their 40's and their marriage dissolves (a pretty common thing in America today).
> 
> Lastly, they seem to think that because something worked with their wife, it will work with anyone on any girl. See my earlier posts about generalization of women, treating them like robots. Married guys aren't dumb enough to treat all women exactly the same (they're around one enough to understand a female perspective, sweaty internet nerds aren't), but they seem to think they have the winning game plan because they managed to bag one for life. It's an unfair thing for guys who may listen to them, because something the married guy's wife may have found charming may be repulsive to another woman. But with that status of being married, there's a certain respect among single guys that will make them fall blindly for clearly bad advice sometimes.
> 
> Again, not saying any of this is you, it's just a general observation on married guys giving dating advice out. I really feel like I could write a Loveline-esque column for a paper or something sometimes, so don't mind me indulging in that a bit.


 
i've been giving flowers to my past girlfriends as well. maybe i should have clarified that. but yeah, i agree that first date is strange, but like jeff said; you do it right, then it's a win. it's all about confidence and your intentions. woman, as bad as i talk about them; they can read men and what they're about. flowers from a strange person will always be flowers from a strange person. flowers from a guy who wants to take you out for
dinner will be perceived differently.

and all that stuff you just said is a generalization from single folk or people who're in a dating relationship. keep in mind, i don't really fall into your category of married people because my wife and i, we work crazy hours. and the time we actually see each to spend some quality time is either friday night(my work is getting crazy, so this will not happen for this season) and sundays. so yeah, it's like dating and it's fun. we go places etc... eat out, go to a cafe and talk. it's fun  ~ and not fuddy duddy old couple stuff.

i see a lot of loving couples out there, married or not, and as long as they generally 'love' each other, than it will be like dating. a friend of mine who's been married for 15 years still holds his wife hand and they just look so happy(kind of like how you would see a puppy love couple, newly dating) ~ and no it's not a front, i've known them for ever since i was 7 years old.)

maybe canada and american are different in that aspect??? but again, this is a person to person kind of thing; a lot of people who get hitched or are in relationships these days are either wanting to be in a relationship and don't really consider who they're in it with, or just think of a shallow point(physical, appearance, status etc...) ~ 

about the divorced guys who think they can bag a new woman because they bagged a woman for life; i have never seen a divorced man act like this before haha(but please direct me to where it does happen, because it seems very interesting). a lot of ones i've seen are comical(make a lot of jokes) and act normal. that generalization you speak of must be something exaggerated on the internet like how all japanese
girls do freaky stuff like they do in the porn. 


i am not saying you're wrong, but for sure what you have experienced and i have experienced are completely different.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Konfyouzd said:


> I just got Mass Effect 3...
> 
> 
> 
> That's all I have to say about that.



Indeed.







Human women just don't have the same appeal anymore. Damn video games.


----------



## Omarfan

Well to make another sweeping generalization, people in Canada seem to have their heads on straighter than Americans. 

There's a lot of different kinds of marriages and a lot of different kind of married guys. I just know that when I was less experienced, I got a lot of terrible advice from married guys on things. A lot of them simply could not understand the concept of hanging out with a girl before officially asking her out or texting instead of calling or a lot of other really normal things for dating in 2012.

I've also observed enough couples to see how things go, at least from my perspective. I rarely see happy marriages like the ones you describe, or even happy long term relationships. Then again, the circumstances for most of the married couples I know weren't great to begin with. Most had shotgun weddings due to accidental pregnancies. It seems like most get stuck together, rather than actually wanting to be with each other.

I think the concept of a happy marriage is getting really rare in America nowadays. Everyone's looking for instant gratification, they don't give relationships time to play out, they just jump into awful marriages without knowing what they're getting into. Or they get forced into them by knocking the girl up because it seems like a great deal of guys just simply decide they no longer need condoms after more than three months with a girl. You can see this from the divorce rates. So few people are actually happy with their significant other.

I also think there's a good deal of settling going on. I think a lot of people who are maybe not very confident or secure end up in a decent relationship with someone they like well enough and decide to just go all in on it. A decade or less down the road and the whole thing falls apart because they were never right to begin with, they just settled for each other.

And for my last point, I'll say something that I've personally observed. People now more than ever think dating itself is played out. Everyone thinks it's absolutely necessary to be in a relationship all the time. If you're single, you're a loser. So they want to be constantly involved with someone, and they don't want to wait and date around looking for the right person. When they've got one that sticks around, they fall head over heels and want to get married and have kids as soon as possible. So many people I know in their 20's act like they have to do that before they turn 30, like time is running out or something. It's ridiculous, but it's another bizarre aspect of the culture.


----------



## soliloquy

/\ well, chivalry is dead only because people say its dead.
same thing that goes about fads. the only reason why they become so big is people talk about them.

as such, chivalry may not have to be dead just because people dont practice it. its still admired today, so why not make the effort to actually practice it?


----------



## HaMMerHeD

I think most marriages in America fail because somewhere along the line, someone very stupid decided that being in love was a good reason to get married, and later generations followed the same terrible idea.

Love fades, sometimes quickly, and it can disappear altogether. If there's nothing else underneath, the relationship is doomed. Marriage has very little practical value anymore. It's no longer a social contract or a mutually beneficial economic arrangement. It has become a virtually meaningless and value-less idea, for most people.

(Full disclosure: yes, I'm divorced.)


----------



## flint757

Omarfan said:


> Well to make another sweeping generalization, people in Canada seem to have their heads on straighter than Americans.
> 
> There's a lot of different kinds of marriages and a lot of different kind of married guys. I just know that when I was less experienced, I got a lot of terrible advice from married guys on things. A lot of them simply could not understand the concept of hanging out with a girl before officially asking her out or texting instead of calling or a lot of other really normal things for dating in 2012.
> 
> I've also observed enough couples to see how things go, at least from my perspective. I rarely see happy marriages like the ones you describe, or even happy long term relationships. Then again, the circumstances for most of the married couples I know weren't great to begin with. Most had shotgun weddings due to accidental pregnancies. It seems like most get stuck together, rather than actually wanting to be with each other.
> 
> I think the concept of a happy marriage is getting really rare in America nowadays. Everyone's looking for instant gratification, they don't give relationships time to play out, they just jump into awful marriages without knowing what they're getting into. Or they get forced into them by knocking the girl up because it seems like a great deal of guys just simply decide they no longer need condoms after more than three months with a girl. You can see this from the divorce rates. So few people are actually happy with their significant other.
> 
> I also think there's a good deal of settling going on. I think a lot of people who are maybe not very confident or secure end up in a decent relationship with someone they like well enough and decide to just go all in on it. A decade or less down the road and the whole thing falls apart because they were never right to begin with, they just settled for each other.
> 
> And for my last point, I'll say something that I've personally observed. People now more than ever think dating itself is played out. Everyone thinks it's absolutely necessary to be in a relationship all the time. If you're single, you're a loser. So they want to be constantly involved with someone, and they don't want to wait and date around looking for the right person. When they've got one that sticks around, they fall head over heels and want to get married and have kids as soon as possible. So many people I know in their 20's act like they have to do that before they turn 30, like time is running out or something. It's ridiculous, but it's another bizarre aspect of the culture.



Then I'm a big loser haven't been in a relationship in a year and personally love it. I hated how much of my life was consumed by it. 

I agree that people settle though. I don't think love is something that necessarily fades, but I do think some people didn't truly love each other so it just dies out. I think being able to be friends with your other is important to a lasting relationship something that is rarely considered.

I have noticed that people seem to hate being alone, not really sure why it doesn't mean your undesirable and frankly college plus hobbies would be impossible if I added a chick to the equation. I'd start failing probably.


----------



## Fiction

flint757 said:


> Frankly college plus hobbies would be impossible if I added a chick to the equation. I'd start failing probably.



Not even kidding, I don't think I have time for a girlfriend at the moment as weird as that sounds


----------



## The Reverend

I've bought flowers for a girl exactly twice: the first time resulted in such a crushing rejection that I still have a vendetta for the girl from when I was 16. The second time got me sex. It's all relative, I suppose. 

Chivalry is fucking dead, man. I live in the South, known for dignified bearings and chivalrous acts, and girls more often than not get pissed when I try to do things for them. I welcome it; there's nothing wrong with your fucking arms, you can open a door. It's not like I believe women are frail and need me to do everything for them, as part of seizing their equality, women no longer welcome gestures essentially condescending in nature.


----------



## flint757

Fiction said:


> Not even kidding, I don't think I have time for a girlfriend at the moment as weird as that sounds



That's not crazy. I think if most people were able to admit that they could/would have achieved more being alone. My grades always drop when I'm dating and I rarely have personal free time. 



The Reverend said:


> I've bought flowers for a girl exactly twice: the first time resulted in such a crushing rejection that I still have a vendetta for the girl from when I was 16. The second time got me sex. It's all relative, I suppose.
> 
> Chivalry is fucking dead, man. I live in the South, known for dignified bearings and chivalrous acts, and girls more often than not get pissed when I try to do things for them. I welcome it; there's nothing wrong with your fucking arms, you can open a door. It's not like I believe women are frail and need me to do everything for them, as part of seizing their equality, women no longer welcome gestures essentially condescending in nature.



Ya most women find it condescending and lame. that being said they shouldn't. they expect the dude to do all the rest of the work so it isn't like not opening the door makes them a "real woman". Girls would have to do a lot more than just that to pull that off. haha


----------



## murakami

The Reverend said:


> The second time got me sex. It's all relative, I suppose.
> 
> .


 
so much win haha!


----------



## murakami

Omarfan said:


> Well to make another sweeping generalization, people in Canada seem to have their heads on straighter than Americans.
> 
> There's a lot of different kinds of marriages and a lot of different kind of married guys. I just know that when I was less experienced, I got a lot of terrible advice from married guys on things. A lot of them simply could not understand the concept of hanging out with a girl before officially asking her out or texting instead of calling or a lot of other really normal things for dating in 2012.
> 
> I've also observed enough couples to see how things go, at least from my perspective. I rarely see happy marriages like the ones you describe, or even happy long term relationships. Then again, the circumstances for most of the married couples I know weren't great to begin with. Most had shotgun weddings due to accidental pregnancies. It seems like most get stuck together, rather than actually wanting to be with each other.
> 
> I think the concept of a happy marriage is getting really rare in America nowadays. Everyone's looking for instant gratification, they don't give relationships time to play out, they just jump into awful marriages without knowing what they're getting into. Or they get forced into them by knocking the girl up because it seems like a great deal of guys just simply decide they no longer need condoms after more than three months with a girl. You can see this from the divorce rates. So few people are actually happy with their significant other.
> 
> I also think there's a good deal of settling going on. I think a lot of people who are maybe not very confident or secure end up in a decent relationship with someone they like well enough and decide to just go all in on it. A decade or less down the road and the whole thing falls apart because they were never right to begin with, they just settled for each other.
> 
> And for my last point, I'll say something that I've personally observed. People now more than ever think dating itself is played out. Everyone thinks it's absolutely necessary to be in a relationship all the time. If you're single, you're a loser. So they want to be constantly involved with someone, and they don't want to wait and date around looking for the right person. When they've got one that sticks around, they fall head over heels and want to get married and have kids as soon as possible. So many people I know in their 20's act like they have to do that before they turn 30, like time is running out or something. It's ridiculous, but it's another bizarre aspect of the culture.


 
sir, i'd like to sign up for your news letter.


----------



## renzoip

99% of the time, I am courteous to women for no other reason than it just being the way I was raised in the other deep south (south america). So, for better or worse, girls might get the wrong impression of me when I'm being polite. Some may think I'm a true gentlemen, which could lead into been seen a potential bf, or a friend zone candidate. Others may think I'm just trying to impress them, which could lead to positive or negative outcomes as well. So there are many possibilities as to what kind of impression girls could get from me being courteous. 

At the end of the day, I really don't care. I can't be worrying too much about how they are going to perceive me. Either they are cool with how I am or not. If they aren't, then that's a clear sign that she is not the right girl for me and I shouldn't be going out of my way to make her like me.


----------



## soliloquy

The Reverend said:


> I've bought flowers for a girl exactly twice: the first time resulted in such a crushing rejection that I still have a vendetta for the girl from when I was 16. The second time got me sex. It's all relative, I suppose.
> 
> Chivalry is fucking dead, man. I live in the South, known for dignified bearings and chivalrous acts, and girls more often than not get pissed when I try to do things for them. I welcome it; there's nothing wrong with your fucking arms, you can open a door. It's not like I believe women are frail and need me to do everything for them, as part of seizing their equality, women no longer welcome gestures essentially condescending in nature.



a man tried picking up a girl at a club
the girl said 'i really like to be treated like a princess'
the man thought to himself for a bit, then ran out of the club
he came back 20 minutes later with a mercedez, pickups up the girl, goes under a bridge and crashes the car









with that said, if you believe chivalry is dead, then you're hanging out with the wrong crowd, or you're not looking hard enough. seeing bunch of people act drunk and stupid wont really show you much. 
theres a reason why i dont go to pubs, clubs, or parties too often(for the most part, i find their sole existence to be based on sex and nothing more....not that there is anything wrong with that) same reason why i keep to myself unless i find similar people. and you'd be surprised how many people i find that have similar beliefs.


----------



## murakami

soliloquy said:


> a man tried picking up a girl at a club
> the girl said 'i really like to be treated like a princess'
> the man thought to himself for a bit, then ran out of the club
> he came back 20 minutes later with a mercedez, pickups up the girl, goes under a bridge and crashes the car
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> with that said, if you believe chivalry is dead, then you're hanging out with the wrong crowd, or you're not looking hard enough. seeing bunch of people act drunk and stupid wont really show you much.
> theres a reason why i dont go to pubs, clubs, or parties too often(for the most part, i find their sole existence to be based on sex and nothing more....not that there is anything wrong with that) same reason why i keep to myself unless i find similar people. and you'd be surprised how many people i find that have similar beliefs.


 
ok, nevermind


----------



## soliloquy

murakami said:


> i agree. what kind of a dumbass bitch or retarded guy expects to find prince charming or a queen at a fucking club? women are fucking stupid mostly in the logical sense. people go there for fun. don't expect to meet the most responsible or well to do person there.



i dont think you got the joke though 
think back to 1997


----------



## Sicarius

HaMMerHeD said:


> Indeed.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Human women just don't have the same appeal anymore. Damn video games.


Tali > *

I'm waiting for the technology to put her into an android.

Like in Futurama


----------



## Pooluke41

Sicarius said:


> Tali > *
> 
> I'm waiting for the technology to put her into an android.
> 
> Like in Futurama



But then they'll be killed by popcorn....


----------



## Sicarius

I don't like pop corn.

so she'll be okay.


----------



## Pooluke41

Sicarius said:


> I don't like pop corn.
> 
> so she'll be okay.



Well then... I have nothing more to say to you...


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Sicarius said:


> Tali > *
> 
> I'm waiting for the technology to put her into an android.
> 
> Like in Futurama



Tali's got the voice and the mystery thing going for her, that's for sure.

BioWare definitely knows its target audience.


----------



## Fiction

BioWare knows 7 String Guitarists enjoy robotic women.


----------



## leandroab

Sicarius said:


> I don't like pop corn.


----------



## Sicarius

leandroab said:


>


the kernel shells get in between my gums and teeth and it irritates me.

not to mention it's meh.


----------



## leandroab

Sicarius said:


> the kernel shells get in between my gums and teeth and it irritates me.
> 
> not to mention it's meh.


----------



## Cabinet




----------



## Sicarius

maybe

maybe not.

why don't you come visit and we'll find out


----------



## leandroab

Sicarius said:


> maybe
> 
> maybe not.
> 
> why don't you come visit and we'll find out



"Mooooom! He touched me in my special place!"


----------



## Bekanor

So first date got cancelled because her daughter got really sick and had to go to the doctors. 

So we're going to have lunch this week and dinner and a movie at my place on Saturday night.


----------



## leandroab

Bekanor said:


> So first date got cancelled because her daughter got really sick and had to go to the doctors.
> 
> So we're going to have lunch this week and dinner and a movie at my place on Saturday night.



:h ump:


----------



## Bekanor

Here's hoping. 

We had the first date conversation over several hours of texting. Although I've never had a first date conversation that included quite so much enquiry into the naughty side of things.


----------



## Fiction

If I'm texting, it will be naughty


----------



## MFB

Bekanor said:


> Here's hoping.
> 
> We had the first date conversation over several hours of texting. Although I've never had a first date conversation that included quite so much enquiry into the naughty side of things.



Don't worry, first night of hanging out with my last girlfriend, before we got into the "making out in various parts of the house" part of the night; we were sitting on the couch and she just out of the blue asked me what porn sites I went to. I made her tell me one, then I told her one, and it went back and forth for a few minutes discussing what we liked about them


----------



## Sicarius

I now have a blue alien girlfriend.

Mass Effect, I got your Turian Problems right here *grabs junk*


----------



## leandroab

Bekanor said:


> Here's hoping.
> 
> We had the first date conversation over several hours of texting. Although I've never had a first date conversation that included quite so much enquiry into the naughty side of things.



On the first date I had with this girl (which I'm still having problems with) SHE wanted to kiss but I didn't lol. Go figure.

Btw, remember all that emotional shit I wrote previously? Well I was almost forgetting about her and she texts me this afternoon asking if I want to hang out next saturday. Looks like a good opportunity for closure. I mean I'm fine with both options (friendzone/ just friends or relationship), I just want to get this straight. Obviously I'll be pissed and hurt if it ends up with a friendzone and I'll be feeling shitty for another week, but life goes on...



Sicarius said:


> I now have a blue alien girlfriend.
> 
> Mass Effect, I got your Turian Problems right here *grabs junk*



Yeah, I plan on giving Liara some penis treatment. Btw my shepard character is FUCKING UGLY... hahahahahah


----------



## blister7321

afternoon gents, been a while since i posted but i have a dilemma 

ok i have this friend and shes really cool everyones been telling me for years to ask her 
heres the kicker, shes got a boyfriend whom everyone tells me is a peace of shit to her
several mutual friends have told me that if i asked her shed dump him for me
out so around dec 15 i start planning out a way to do so, i dont use facebook or any of that and i dont have her # so i have my brother text her to see if she'd go to the local hookah lounge with a group of us and i was gonna do it there 
no response
then new years eve rolls around we had a party at my house my band played it was great my mom actually invited her
the day of i found out everyone in the house was betting id puss out but my buddy who was staying with us that week LOL 
so she shows up we go inside and im really bad at doing this kinda shit especially with a friggin audience so i wait for people to go out side and i tell her that id been thinkin about it for a while and everyone was betting i wouldnt do it so then i quoted the ataris and said you should dump yer boyfriend and go out with me 
her response was "i love you but im not gonna breakup with my bf now" so i was like cool
now id promised myself i wouldnt let a no effect me and that i wasnt losing anything
the only problem is i have let it get to me 

gimme some advice guys


----------



## Konfyouzd

WALK AWAY

If a girl is with a piece of shit and doesn't leave it's bc she wants to be with that piece of shit. I know it's cliche to say but there ARE other people...


----------



## blister7321

thanks dude


----------



## BlindingLight7

I'm kinda having a fling online with a (supposed) girl that has G cup tits, and she is pretty wild, but she goes to fucking church! the fuck?

Shes getting breast reduction to a D today, and honestly I don't what to think of it, I generally look down on chicks that alter themselves but in her case its been getting in the way of her career and junk...so meh.

I just can't see myself with her though, and I dunno how to tell her that without crushing her massively, she's one of these "gets attached quickly, hurt quickly" girls and yeah...I just don't think its going anywhere, it's so focused on sex right now...which isn't bad but I really want to be FRIENDS with a girl too, not just f-buddies. meh


So that was pretty horrible with the grammar, oh well.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

So I've been spending a lot of time with this really amazing girl. She is pretty much everything I look for: smart, great sense of humor, thoughtful, independent, strong-willed, musical (since and plays guitar), artistic (draws, paints, makes jewelry), and of course beautiful (big brown eyes, red hair, and she smiles with her whole face). She was very close friends with my ex wife (prior to said ex-wife's untimely death), so if there was ever a person who would hate me, it's her. But she doesn't. She really likes me, and tells me frequently how much she likes spending time with me, and how I have had an enriching influence on her life. Also, as she was friends with my ex-wife, she knows all about my daughter, and loves her to death.

Practically every possible "sign" with which I have experience has happened, indicating that she has approximately the same level of interested in me as I have in her. I'm not sure how much more obvious it could get. I even came up with a pet name for her and used it. I figure if she didn't dig me, the pet name would creep her the fuck out. But it didn't. She just smiled and said she loved it.

So I am about 99.9% sure she is way into me. I'm pretty sure that some kind of overture would be appreciated and returned, but I'm terrified to actually do it. Mostly, this is because I have had a string of extremely unpleasant failed relationships since my divorce, and I'm not really excited to repeat the experience.

So I guess what it comes down to is that I fear the potentional outcome of entering a relationship with this person. This is, in fact, what I have been in counseling for for about 3 years now. I'm a very analytical and logical person, and I can think of a million bad ways for a relationship to end, but only one way for a good relationship to endure. And those aren't good odds.

Now I've written it out, the trepidation I feel sounds pretty silly to me.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Large tits =/= church-goer?

Church-goer =/= cool?

I've had wet sloppy nasty balls deep sex with chicks that go to church religiously. Just sayin'...

Also, do you know how much one G titty probably weighs? How about 2? Many women get reductions to alleviate back problems as well.

And it's just an online fling. Massively crush her? Are you that heavily involved or do you just think that highly of yourself?


----------



## murakami

HaMMerHeD said:


> So I've been spending a lot of time with this really amazing girl. She is pretty much everything I look for: smart, great sense of humor, thoughtful, independent, strong-willed, musical (since and plays guitar), artistic (draws, paints, makes jewelry), and of course beautiful (big brown eyes, red hair, and she smiles with her whole face). She was very close friends with my ex wife (prior to said ex-wife's untimely death), so if there was ever a person who would hate me, it's her. But she doesn't. She really likes me, and tells me frequently how much she likes spending time with me, and how I have had an enriching influence on her life. Also, as she was friends with my ex-wife, she knows all about my daughter, and loves her to death.
> 
> Practically every possible "sign" with which I have experience has happened, indicating that she has approximately the same level of interested in me as I have in her. I'm not sure how much more obvious it could get. I even came up with a pet name for her and used it. I figure if she didn't dig me, the pet name would creep her the fuck out. But it didn't. She just smiled and said she loved it.
> 
> So I am about 99.9% sure she is way into me. I'm pretty sure that some kind of overture would be appreciated and returned, but I'm terrified to actually do it. Mostly, this is because I have had a string of extremely unpleasant failed relationships since my divorce, and I'm not really excited to repeat the experience.
> 
> So I guess what it comes down to is that I fear the potentional outcome of entering a relationship with this person. This is, in fact, what I have been in counseling for for about 3 years now. I'm a very analytical and logical person, and I can think of a million bad ways for a relationship to end, but only one way for a good relationship to endure. And those aren't good odds.
> 
> Now I've written it out, the trepidation I feel sounds pretty silly to me.




first, thanks for being the first guy in a while to write out his problem in sentences, and not some long run-on sentence with 'lol' at the end or
somewhere in the middle of it. 

second; if you've waited this long and been working hard and making sure your kids are clothed and happy, then you deserve a woman who can treat you right and look at you with love.

now i don't know exactly how you feel, but you seem to go on about how much she's into you... and i mean, if you're only thinking of getting with 
her because she is showing that feeling for you then thats kind of a bust.
if you have feelings for her then venture it but don't rush in.

see where it goes. but go with it naturally, especially since you say you're in a sensitive spot in all.
terrified? been there, man... been there


----------



## BlindingLight7

Konfyouzd said:


> Large tits =/= church-goer?
> 
> Church-goer =/= cool?
> 
> I've had wet sloppy nasty balls deep sex with chicks that go to church religiously. Just sayin'...
> 
> Also, do you know how much one G titty probably weighs? How about 2? Many women get reductions to alleviate back problems as well.
> 
> And it's just an online fling. Massively crush her? Are you that heavily involved or do you just think that highly of yourself?


She's about an hour away, we just know eachother via interwebs, and she wants me to come see her after she's healed up... but ehhhhhhh

I'm amazed at how the more wise/older I get, the more I realize I can utilize the world fucked-up-ness to my advantage, this is one of those cases I suppose. Cause I am almost certain I find some of these church going freaky chicks in my area that aren't totally fucked.





P.s. This thread is so fun to read sometimes, it seems like us musicians suck at expressing our emotions directly to the women/men we like, maybe thats why we're musicians?


----------



## Konfyouzd

I think a lot of church-goers are church-goers bc they feel they need it for one reason or another... 

I find it hard to believe God would believe you any less if you truly believed and didn't attend Church. Just seems like a silly formality to me.


----------



## BlindingLight7

The only reason I went was to get friends..worst decision of my life, just made things worse


----------



## HaMMerHeD

murakami said:


> first, thanks for being the first guy in a while to write out his problem in sentences, and not some long run-on sentence with 'lol' at the end or
> somewhere in the middle of it.
> 
> second; if you've waited this long and been working hard and making sure your kids are clothed and happy, then you deserve a woman who can treat you right and look at you with love.
> 
> now i don't know exactly how you feel, but you seem to go on about how much she's into you... and i mean, if you're only thinking of getting with
> her because she is showing that feeling for you then thats kind of a bust.
> if you have feelings for her then venture it but don't rush in.
> 
> see where it goes. but go with it naturally, especially since you say you're in a sensitive spot in all.
> terrified? been there, man... been there



Thanks. First, I am definitely into her. I suppose I didn't mention it because I have mostly been concerned with how she feels. Basically, I am trying to figure out what the best course of action is. I feel like the atmosphere that exists whenever we spend time together will inevitably lead us in the direction I want to go, so I am inclined to do nothing overtly out of the ordinary. On the one hand, I feel like if I let nature do its thing, I'll get there eventually. At the same time, I have had experiences with a woman moving on after X number of days/weeks because I didn't act on a/the moment, specifically because I was happy with the pace of advancement. She moved on because she didn't think I liked her, because I didn't do anything stupidly obvious. I'm not too fussed about losing that chick, but this one is more special to me.

So that's where I am right now. I don't want to do something "too much" and potentially scare her away, but I am also concerned about sitting back and losing the initiative.

I suppose I am just trying to organize my thoughts.

My headshrinker tells me I need to live more in the moment. Right now, my head scours the future and the past with equal vigour, leaving the _now_ unattended. Framed in that context, I feel like I should make a move, because now is when I feel it.


----------



## Fiction

You're last sentence sums everything up, go for it.


----------



## leandroab

Fiction said:


> You're last sentence_*s*_



New djent band name.


----------



## flint757

Konfyouzd said:


> WALK AWAY
> 
> If a girl is with a piece of shit and doesn't leave it's bc she wants to be with that piece of shit. I know it's cliche to say but there ARE other people...



THIS

I had a fling with a chick who was engaged (yes i know that is in poor taste). Dude is a douche bag, but she'd never leave him. Those chicks are all the same every last one of them for whatever reason they want that relationship.


----------



## Konfyouzd

flint757 said:


> THIS
> 
> I had a fling with a chick who was engaged (yes i know that is in poor taste). Dude is a douche bag, but she'd never leave him. Those chicks are all the same every last one of them for whatever reason they want that relationship.



They want what he's not giving her plus the security of always having someone...


A lot of women, for some reason, are under the impression that a good man will leave them. Obviously a a piece of shit won't leave. No one else would put up with him.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Fiction said:


> You're last sentence sums everything up, go for it.



Well I did. We took a drive last night and I laid it all out for her, and she responded in kind. So...yep.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

So yep? ^^ Fill in the blanks bro!!!!


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Well, there are no blanks to fill in just now. It was like 5am before we got around to talking about it, so that conversation was pretty short. Supposed to get together again tonight after she gets off work...so maybe there'll be more to report then.


----------



## flint757

Really...I got negged for "my poor judgement" plus no one signed it. That is the dumbest thing I have heard. It was personal experience related to a post about why he "shouldn't" go through with it.

I give a big fuck you to you 

[EDIT]
I'm sick this may be a little over the top, but that is still fucking ridiculous, but I'll be sure to screen my posts for you sir


----------



## Murmel

So now a couple of months have gone by since the girl I'm in love with got together with another guy.
Shit feels much better, we still hang out and she's my best friend, but it sucks seeing them together every day. It just doesn't suck as much anymore  I'm lucky they aren't very cuddly though.

It just sucks being in love with someone for more than a year and still going strong when the person isn't available 

Things get a bit tense though when it's just me, her and her BF, for obvious reasons. I usually try to avoid those situations as much as I can.


----------



## tbb529

So earlier in the week, I ask this girl to dinner this weekend, she says "this weekend isn't good for me, I have plans, how about next weekend?" Sure, that works. She soon texts me to let me know she was mistaken and that she'd rather make time to go this weekend, tonight to be exact. Sure, that works.

Fast forward to tonight, I get a text telling me that she is apparently trying to find a party to go to with this dude she works with and forgot that we were gonna go to dinner. So basically, what the fuck happened? If she changed her mind, I'd rather her just say it than make excuses. Oh well...women.


----------



## misingonestring

So I believe I've met one of if not the only metal chick in my town at my school. I found she like quite a few good metal bands IMO (Nevermore, Celtic Frost, Haji's Kitchen  etc) and a few metal bands I don't care for but whatever. And she's actually kind of hot too. 

We've been talking to each other (Via IM and/or text since we hardly have time to talk face to face) for about a week since I had a hard time getting a hold of her since I hardly see her face to face. I found that we have quite a few things in common from these talks. However she can be kind of a nutter, but then again most people within my age group are.

Her opinion on me is a mystery and the only hint that she might like me is that she told me I have a cute smile but that's about it.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

^ Metal Chicks=Win


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Well...have a date for next week. Taking her to a really nice place for dinner.

Whispering Pines Inn Home


----------



## leandroab

I guess everything is back to normal. We had a date tonight and we made out furiously.

My chakras have realigned lol...


----------



## UnderTheSign

Last night must've been a night of good vibes man... I'm just in here to say I had an unexpected shag in the alley behind a girl's house at 4am. Not sure wtf happened but no complaints here!


----------



## leandroab

UnderTheSign said:


> Last night must've been a night of good vibes man... I'm just in here to say I had an unexpected shag in the alley behind a girl's house at 4am. Not sure wtf happened but no complaints here!



Yes, I believe yesterday we had some planetary alignment or some shit! hahahhaha.

Everything went smoooth yesterday!


----------



## sahaal

taking out one of the better looking girls I've met for sushi then going partying then coming to her place watching movies and staying the night this friday, can't wait. Waaaaaaaaay too good for me too, I'm way too excited.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Never say way too good for yourself!!


----------



## soliloquy

woot! so last thursday my gf finally hit her period after december 26th.
so thats the good news.
i told her to jump on the pill (not really for me to go without condoms, as they really dont bother me much) so she can be a bit more regular.

the bad news, the doctors said that shes prone to EVERY side effect of the pill, and it doesn't matter the brand or the dosage, but she should stay clear of pills. 

so i guess it'll be one pregnancy scare after another for me and her


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

^^ Dude i know exactly what you mean!!! My girlfriend's period will be regular maybe one month out of the year, other than that it's anywhere from a month and a half to three months in between, and i'm only 16 so i freak out hardcore.


----------



## soliloquy

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> ^^ Dude i know exactly what you mean!!! My girlfriend's period will be regular maybe one month out of the year, other than that it's anywhere from a month and a half to three months in between, and i'm only 16 so i freak out hardcore.



and what sucks even more is that if your gf is like mine, then birth control pills wont work for her...so using condoms all the time, which, in my opinion is fine, but always being paranoid about it isn't  



but heads up, if your gf is like mine, then after a LONG delay, she may ruin a few pants, so tell her to keep a few pads/tampons handy and constantly keep changing em...


man, sometimes women are nasty


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams




----------



## Bekanor

Blood is the life and it is...urrgghhh.


----------



## sahaal

SO EXCIITEDDD FO FRIDAYYY


----------



## Bekanor

Date attempt 2 cancelled, dramas with ex mentioned, expecting "I'm sorry I'm not ready for anything serious right now" brush-off any day now.

This sucks. Why do women do that shit? "Oh I'm having some dramas, I can't see anybody", when is life ever the level of perfection women seem to require for being in a relationship? The answer here is "fucking never". 

I really like her, she really likes me, and we've said as much to each other, that's the hard part about starting a relationship done and dusted. Everything else is details, and you know what makes those details way easier to deal with? Being with someone who cares about you and wants to do whatever they can to help, even if the only practical support they can offer is laughter, back rubs and a sympathetic ear.

I'm resigned to fighting the good fight on this one and not going "Yeah ok I understand".


----------



## leandroab

Bekanor said:


> Date attempt 2 cancelled, dramas with ex mentioned, expecting "I'm sorry I'm not ready for anything serious right now" brush-off any day now.
> 
> This sucks. Why do women do that shit? "Oh I'm having some dramas, I can't see anybody", when is life ever the level of perfection women seem to require for being in a relationship? The answer here is "fucking never".
> 
> I really like her, she really likes me, and we've said as much to each other, that's the hard part about starting a relationship done and dusted. Everything else is details, and you know what makes those details way easier to deal with? Being with someone who cares about you and wants to do whatever they can to help, even if the only practical support they can offer is laughter, back rubs and a sympathetic ear.
> 
> I'm resigned to fighting the good fight on this one and not going "Yeah ok I understand".



This was exactly what happened to me. The girl I'm dating started with this bullshit out of the blue. I knew she liked me, I wasn't making it up or going delusional, the evidence was clear: the way she acted around me, the way she talked, etc. But she just didn't want anything because of "past relations".

I was so sick of it (it really hurt me) that I gave up on her, but I also gave her an ultimatum. She finally snapped out of it and called me. Lucky me I guess.

But the important thing here is: do not give up. I didn't and it worked. You already have the "no", the worst thing it can happen is still having it.


----------



## Faine

Bekanor said:


> Date attempt 2 cancelled, dramas with ex mentioned, expecting "I'm sorry I'm not ready for anything serious right now" brush-off any day now.
> 
> This sucks. Why do women do that shit? "Oh I'm having some dramas, I can't see anybody", when is life ever the level of perfection women seem to require for being in a relationship? The answer here is "fucking never".
> 
> I really like her, she really likes me, and we've said as much to each other, that's the hard part about starting a relationship done and dusted. Everything else is details, and you know what makes those details way easier to deal with? Being with someone who cares about you and wants to do whatever they can to help, even if the only practical support they can offer is laughter, back rubs and a sympathetic ear.
> 
> I'm resigned to fighting the good fight on this one and not going "Yeah ok I understand".




My last ex in November/ December did something much worse. We were best friends for 2 years or so... wish I listened to everyones advice when they said " never date your friends" but then i always heard the best relationships come from good friendships. Anyway... We were great friends and everything and she recently got out of a relationship a few months prior with some 
after she broke up with him a few months out of the blue she tells me she likes me and i'm everything shes been looking for. So I figure I give it a shot since I always had a thing for her... things were PERFECT man, everything was goin great for about a month. I was really diggin her.. Then out of the blue she tells me she still has feelings for her ex and she doesnt want to ruin our friendship and then she went back to him. We havent talked since. She ruined our friendship and made me question my trust. 


But now I have another girlfriend and shes awesome and things are goin great 


But I would suggest giving her time to get over her last ex. Girls need that. But keep her interested know what I mean?


----------



## The Reverend

soliloquy said:


> and what sucks even more is that if your gf is like mine, then birth control pills wont work for her...so using condoms all the time, which, in my opinion is fine, but always being paranoid about it isn't
> 
> 
> 
> but heads up, if your gf is like mine, then after a LONG delay, she may ruin a few pants, so tell her to keep a few pads/tampons handy and constantly keep changing em...
> 
> 
> man, sometimes women are nasty



Too much information!


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Just need a place to vent for a second.

This weekend, I found out that my ex is back with the guy that she was with before me (a rich, spoiled guy that's still supported by his parents with a bad attitude and a drug habit), after swearing that she had finally cut him out of her life for good after being with him on and off for 7 years. 

Contrary to what you'd expect, I'm not feeling hurt in any way shape or form. I've moved on, have been with a few girls since, and have been having a casual relationship with the most gorgeous woman I know. However, what irks me about it is that she's now officially gone back on every single thing that she wanted to change about her life. She's an intelligent, attractive girl, and has all the potential in the world. She can just never stick to anything. As soon as anything gets too difficult, she bails. She left a sketchy life behind a little bit before we met and was all about changing and being a better person. As time went on, she just started falling into bad habits again. She was back in University, but decided to drop out for the second time, tried quitting smoking when she started dating me (under no pressure from me, although she made the decision knowing that I'm not into smokers) but gave that up after a month, she finally had a good, strong-minded guy that was willing to support her and be understanding of the bullshit that comes with trying to leave her old way of life behind, and when shit started getting serious, she pushed me away. And about a week or two after we broke up, she moved out of her apartment because she couldn't afford it anymore and in with a friend from work who enabled her to get back into her old ways, because she had the same bad habits.

The month after our relationship ended was rocky because we decided to continue sleeping together, which was a bad idea. Anyway, we ended up getting in a huge fight and I called her out on all of this shit and may have let my anger get the better of me and I dropped the c-bomb on her. I felt awful for weeks, and ashamed of having reduced myself to petty name-calling. But upon finding out that she's with her ex, who is part of her old life and bad habits again, I realized just how much of a disaster she is and that her whole disaster is her own doing. Every single thing she swore to, and had changed in her life, she's gone back on. Back to being the person she didn't want to be. And getting back with her enabling/bad influence ex was the final nail in that coffin. I don't regret a thing I said to her anymore because I know I was right, but nonetheless, nobody likes to watch a ship sink.


----------



## avenger

My ex has a porn blog... lolwut!


----------



## Bekanor

leandroab said:


> This was exactly what happened to me. The girl I'm dating started with this bullshit out of the blue. I knew she liked me, I wasn't making it up or going delusional, the evidence was clear: the way she acted around me, the way she talked, etc. But she just didn't want anything because of "past relations".
> 
> I was so sick of it (it really hurt me) that I gave up on her, but I also gave her an ultimatum. She finally snapped out of it and called me. Lucky me I guess.
> 
> But the important thing here is: do not give up. I didn't and it worked. You already have the "no", the worst thing it can happen is still having it.





Faine said:


> My last ex in November/ December did something much worse. We were best friends for 2 years or so... wish I listened to everyones advice when they said " never date your friends" but then i always heard the best relationships come from good friendships. Anyway... We were great friends and everything and she recently got out of a relationship a few months prior with some
> after she broke up with him a few months out of the blue she tells me she likes me and i'm everything shes been looking for. So I figure I give it a shot since I always had a thing for her... things were PERFECT man, everything was goin great for about a month. I was really diggin her.. Then out of the blue she tells me she still has feelings for her ex and she doesnt want to ruin our friendship and then she went back to him. We havent talked since. She ruined our friendship and made me question my trust.
> 
> 
> But now I have another girlfriend and shes awesome and things are goin great
> 
> 
> But I would suggest giving her time to get over her last ex. Girls need that. But keep her interested know what I mean?




Well the thing is, she hasn't actually said anything to the effect of "No can do relationship status brah", I just have the gut feeling that she will (although I don't think she's the kind of person to let me dangle if she was only going to bail on me anyway).

Moreover, it's not that she has feelings for her ex, she hates his cheating ass. The dramas she mentioned are that he's moved back into her house and because their names (they bought it when they were together) she can't just kick his ass out so I guess she's stressed trying to figure out how to get rid of him.

I hope it's that she just doesn't want to drag me into it for fear of scaring me off and not just avoiding me so that giving me the flick later is easier because we haven't actually been out yet or something. 

I can't shut my stupid brain off. This shit is messing with my sleep.


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## Faine

Bekanor said:


> Moreover, it's not that she has feelings for her ex, she hates his cheating ass. The dramas she mentioned are that he's moved back into her house and because their names (they bought it when they were together) she can't just kick his ass out so I guess she's stressed trying to figure out how to get rid of him.I can't shut my stupid brain off. This shit is messing with my sleep.




I really think You should just stay friends for a while or something. You dont want to just go with what your feelings are telling you to do cuz If you have that gut feeling than you KNOW its not right. It should feel right and in place before you move forward, if that makes sense. As for him still living in her house how would that play out if you came to pick her up etc? 
Sounds to me like a lot of baggage  besides.. if things dont end up working out in the long run, at least you got to talk to a cool girl for a while, or just end up being friends?


----------



## Sicarius

>saw cute girl I like
>herp derp *Wave*

-_- I think I said, "you're looking bright eye'd today" when I was in her building today.

Fuck yea retarded awkwardness.


----------



## Aevolve

As pathetic or pointless as you may think this is, I've saved my virginity for quite a while. Not out of necessity, but out of choice- mainly because I believe it's something that should be reserved to someone who deserves it.
Up until now I hadn't found that person, however...

My girlfriend and I have been together a bit over 3 months, and I've never been more comfortable with someone in my life. By far the coolest person I've ever met. Within the next few weeks my girlfriend and I are planning on our first time (it'll be her first time as well). Pretty excited man. 


And yes, if you've been following, it's the girl who loves Vildhjarta, The Contortionist, and Periphery.


----------



## Randy

avenger said:


> My ex has a porn blog... lolwut!



FTL -_-


----------



## BlindingLight7

avenger said:


> My ex has a porn blog... lolwut!


You meaning a tumblr "look at my shitty webcam nudes" whore blog?



link?


----------



## Bekanor

Faine said:


> I really think You should just stay friends for a while or something. You dont want to just go with what your feelings are telling you to do cuz If you have that gut feeling than you KNOW its not right. It should feel right and in place before you move forward, if that makes sense. As for him still living in her house how would that play out if you came to pick her up etc?
> Sounds to me like a lot of baggage  besides.. if things dont end up working out in the long run, at least you got to talk to a cool girl for a while, or just end up being friends?



Well the thing is I could be totally wrong and just overthinking things (I do that a lot).

I don't care about baggage, everyone has some and to me it basically comes down to whether you like the person enough to deal with it. Which I do. 

Him living in her house is a temporary issue from my understanding, it's on the market to be sold and she usually stays with her mum. I dunno I would just really like this to go somewhere and I'm going to be pretty shitty if it doesn't, way too much to try and eke out an awkward friendship out of the situation.

I'm awesome like that.


----------



## leandroab

PeachesMcKenzie said:


> As pathetic or pointless as you may think this is, I've saved my virginity for quite a while. Not out of necessity, but out of choice- mainly because I believe it's something that should be reserved to someone who deserves it.
> Up until now I hadn't found that person, however...
> 
> My girlfriend and I have been together a bit over 3 months, and I've never been more comfortable with someone in my life. By far the coolest person I've ever met. Within the next few weeks my girlfriend and I are planning on our first time (it'll be her first time as well). Pretty excited man.
> 
> 
> And yes, if you've been following, it's the girl who loves Vildhjarta, The Contortionist, and Periphery.


----------



## Faine

Bekanor said:


> Well the thing is I could be totally wrong and just overthinking things (I do that a lot).
> 
> I don't care about baggage, everyone has some and to me it basically comes down to whether you like the person enough to deal with it. Which I do.
> 
> Him living in her house is a temporary issue from my understanding, it's on the market to be sold and she usually stays with her mum. I dunno I would just really like this to go somewhere and I'm going to be pretty shitty if it doesn't, way too much to try and eke out an awkward friendship out of the situation.
> 
> I'm awesome like that.



Well yeah, then I would give it some time, but keep her interested. Make sure she knows you all about that shit and willing to be patient and stuff  haha


----------



## Sicarius

BlindingLight7 said:


> You meaning a tumblr "look at my shitty webcam nudes" whore blog?
> 
> 
> 
> link?


if April O'Neil can do it with her big weird boobs, why not.


----------



## Bekanor

Faine said:


> Well yeah, then I would give it some time, but keep her interested. Make sure she knows you all about that shit and willing to be patient and stuff  haha



Well I was right, I got a "I need time to clear my head" deal today. 


But that's ok, she never made any indication that we wouldn't pick things up after that happened so I'll just give her the time and just keep being...well...me.


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## Faine

Bekanor said:


> Well I was right, I got a "I need time to clear my head" deal today.
> 
> 
> But that's ok, she never made any indication that we wouldn't pick things up after that happened so I'll just give her the time and just keep being...well...me.



Damn that sucks man. At least you Got that closure. Women can be confusing and it's hard to figure out what they want, cuz most of time they don't even know what they want, or they want you to figure out or guess all the time...


----------



## Bekanor

Faine said:


> Damn that sucks man. At least you Got that closure. Women can be confusing and it's hard to figure out what they want, cuz most of time they don't even know what they want, or they want you to figure out or guess all the time...



I didn't crumble and just go [EddieMurphyInRaw]Okay [/EddieMurphyInRaw], I said that I could handle dramas and blah blah blah, pretty much what I said in one of my previous posts but without the angry bits. I did say "If you need to clear your head then that's ok, you tell me when you're ready and we'll get together, I just don't want you to make a permanent call based on temporary issues because I think we'd be good together and I think you do too".

This of course all happened over SMS and I haven't received a reply, so unless I get something back saying "No actually I think it'd be better to just call it quits for good" I'm calling this a temporary setback.


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## flint757

That seems like something that should have been handled over the phone or in person. I find text for personal stuff to be impersonal. It is hard to convey emotion in text.


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## Bekanor

flint757 said:


> That seems like something that should have been handled over the phone or in person. I find text for personal stuff to be impersonal. It is hard to convey emotion in text.



Well given the context here it's probably going to be more stress if I ring and put my case which doesn't help me, especially given that she dropped the bad news on me via text. Moreover, that very issue of inferring intent can be an advantage, if I text something that sounds desperate or something I can then blame the inherent shortcomings of text based communication rather than admitting forever alone levels of desperation.


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## Omarfan

Nah dude, I think you are reading into this what you want to read into it. Sounds like she's got her own shit to deal with and doesn't really care about you. Which is fine, seeing as how you've only been out like once. Anything going on in your head is unnecessary and uncalled for attachment.

But all things considered, getting out now is probably a good thing for her and for you. She's got too much shit on her plate to date and you really don't need to be involved with her drama. People have baggage, but not this. There's varying levels of baggage and this is too much. Maybe when her ex is no longer in her life will she be ready to get into a relationship, but frankly even though you make yourself sound really pathetic in your posts with all the "I'm so awkward" stuff, you can totally do better than a single mom still dealing with ex issues.

I mean, how old are you? If you're not over 40, there's plenty of singles you won't have these problems with.


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## -42-

College...



...Yep


----------



## JP Universe

Got a huge crush on a girl from work. Added her on Facebook and sent her a message and she has written back asking about where I work and we've gone back and forth a huge 2 times lol

Just sent her an email at work..... no response yet eeeek..... Hoping she will come along with me while I buy some new boarddshorts on Friday. Fingers crossed


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## flint757

Bekanor said:


> Well given the context here it's probably going to be more stress if I ring and put my case which doesn't help me, especially given that she dropped the bad news on me via text. Moreover, that very issue of inferring intent can be an advantage, if I text something that sounds desperate or something I can then blame the inherent shortcomings of text based communication rather than admitting forever alone levels of desperation.



Haha ya not a bad way to look at it. Texting as a way to cover intent pending on reaction.


----------



## Bekanor

Omarfan said:


> Nah dude, I think you are reading into this what you want to read into it. Sounds like she's got her own shit to deal with and doesn't really care about you. Which is fine, seeing as how you've only been out like once. Anything going on in your head is unnecessary and uncalled for attachment.
> 
> But all things considered, getting out now is probably a good thing for her and for you. She's got too much shit on her plate to date and you really don't need to be involved with her drama. People have baggage, but not this. There's varying levels of baggage and this is too much. Maybe when her ex is no longer in her life will she be ready to get into a relationship, but frankly even though you make yourself sound really pathetic in your posts with all the "I'm so awkward" stuff, you can totally do better than a single mom still dealing with ex issues.
> 
> I mean, how old are you? If you're not over 40, there's plenty of singles you won't have these problems with.



I'm 27. 

I don't think it's the case that she doesn't care, she already said that she really likes me so I don't see that as having changed because of shit that has nothing to do with me. Plus, everything she said today was "right now", "at the moment" and "until I sort everything out". To me that suggests a temporary hiatus which I can live with. If she means to make it a permanent thing she's going to have to say so in plain English because of the two possibilities (permanent and temporary) her choice of words can only be interpreted as the latter. She doesn't seem like the kind of person to string me along and less like the kind of person who wouldn't be straight up about things and say what she meant. 

I called it right on the bad news, so I have to go with the feeling that she just wants to sort through some crap before we start seeing each other seriously. If I'm wrong, well that will suck a lot but for now it's not like I'm passing up anything by giving her some space, and if another opportunity comes along in the mean time I won't let this situation stop me from taking it. 

Of course I could be dead wrong in which case, I move on and bury the rejection like a boss so as to not make things awkward at work (yes, we work together, I only seem to attract the girls that stand to make life the most difficult). 

And yeah I probably go overboard on self-deprecation but I've definitely got more game than I did 6 months ago.


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## Faine

^ well hopefully shes telling the truth and wants to get her poop in the group before getting into another relationship. Seems likes shes not only looking for her best interest, but looking out for you as well. Thats a good sign that she said she likes you, I guess just give her some space occasionally saying hello and things and see where it goes!


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## Bekanor

Faine said:


> ^ well hopefully shes telling the truth and wants to get her poop in the group before getting into another relationship. Seems likes shes not only looking for her best interest, but looking out for you as well. Thats a good sign that she said she likes you, I guess just give her some space occasionally saying hello and things and see where it goes!



That's the plan but I'm really not good at playing things cool, I'm a very intense person. 

I got my Mass Effect 3 N7 edition in the mail yesterday so I'll just immerse myself in that and hopefully by the time I beat it she'll be ready. 

Otherwise I still haven't beaten God of War 3, Alan Wake, Arkham City, Rage, Warhammer 40k Space Marine, MGS4, Starcraft 2 and about a million indie games that I've downloaded and never played. So I'm prepared for a long haul if need be.


----------



## Faine

Niceee I've been playing the crap out of skyrim lately. Keeps me busy when the girl isn't over haha. Otherwise I'm on here, working or playing guitar. I always wanted to play Starcraft 2 but I never got the chance.


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## Bekanor

Faine said:


> Niceee I've been playing the crap out of skyrim lately. Keeps me busy when the girl isn't over haha. Otherwise I'm on here, working or playing guitar. I always wanted to play Starcraft 2 but I never got the chance.



It's really good, I just bought too many games at one time and ended up getting out of hand, I'll go back to it eventually. 

Sorry for the OT, the conversation can now return to forever alone status.


----------



## avenger

BlindingLight7 said:


> You meaning a tumblr "look at my shitty webcam nudes" whore blog?
> 
> 
> 
> link?


Yes this exactly, I haven't but i've been told she gained ~60lbs,shaved her head and decided it was a good time to get naked for tumblr.

I'll see if I can find a link...


----------



## JosephAOI

There's two girls here at my school that I've been pretty into lately. Sent em both messages on Facebook. Been texting one for a couple days. Not sure if I'm in the friend zone or she likes me. Just starting to talk to the other.

Fuck, I wish I wasn't attracted to women so I didn't have to worry about any of this shit.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

A few years ago, it became clear to me that my then current way of thinking about myself, the world, women, and relationships was neither healthy nor helpful. So I found an affordable clinic, and have been talking to a psychologist to try to change my way of thinking. As you might expect, we do a lot of talking. Mostly, we talk about different emotional states. I believe that I am borderline aspergers, and while I can recognize emotional cues, it is usually unclear to me what they actually mean.

As a person who has spent most of his life hiding his emotional core from the rest of the world, and thus ignoring the emotional context of most situations, I found myself utterly unprepared to deal with situations as intense as my marriage, divorce, the loss of custody of my child, and then my ex-wife's suicide, and subsequent re-acqusition of aforementioned custody. (In case you are concerned, I have no problem helping my child parse her emotional issues. She is 8. Her emotional needs are simple right now. Of course, it's only going to get more complicated from here, which is where counseling comes in.) 

Anyway...emotional states. We talk a lot about them in counseling. How to recognize them, how to determine the cause, and what to do about them if I decide it needs to change. It's not as simple as you might think. Where most people might understand these things without even thinking about it, I don't.

As it deals with relationships (which is what this thread is about), here is the basic run-down. When I am by myself...single, alone, and lonely, I am at my most stable. Everything is at its clearest. I can work, think, and function without significant challenge. It's not happy, but it's comfortable and predictable. It is in fact, extremely unhappy. But it's functional. Over the years, a lot of different friends have accused me of enjoying rejection and depression. While they were wrong about the enjoying part, they were hinting at something that I don't think they fully understood, and I know I didn't understand at all until recently. That is...it's what I said earlier. It's not happy, but it's comfortable. My post-rejection process is to shed emotional expression altogether and withdraw internally. I settle into a deep depression, which can last several years. It's a standard operational parameter for me. It's how I normally _am_.

But you add something as seemingly simple as female companionship, or even the simple prospect of it, and everything changes. Suddenly, I'm no longer swirling the drain. I can see, breathe, feel, and hear, and I don't hate the world for it. I can smile, through cracked and bloody lips at first, but I can smile. I actually feel good about myself, my life, and the world around me. That part of it is an intensely satisfying and addictive state. When I'm in my solo state, that's the thing I long for. The simple addition of another person in my life, who is there because she wants to be, not because she has to be, changes everything about my emotional processes.

Unfortunately, with that good, comes the inevitable insanity. It's a happy state of being, but it's not stable. Because I've been through this cycle so many times, I am constantly terrified that it's about to end. My highly analytical mind is always running at full throttle, always re-hashing every word, facial expression, gesture, and every other social cue, trying to discover hidden meanings within its own context, and then within the context of every other conversation, facial expression, etc. that I've ever experienced with that person. Generally speaking, there is only one conclusion that is ever reached by doing this: I am a terrible and unworthy person, and this amazing woman is going to realize it any second, and then it'll be over and everything will go back to normal.

Of course, I don't actually want that to happen, so that thought process causes me an indescribable amount of anxiety. It comes and goes throughout the day, and over a period of weeks, for however long the relationship lasts. I try to ignore it, and I try to do other things to occupy myself until the feeling passes, but it's extremely difficult. How do you stop thinking? I've spent almost my entire life buried in thought. I don't know how to stop. Everyone says "Just stop" as if that's some incredibly brilliant piece of existential wisdom. But nobody ever has any practical advice about how to go about doing so. To this day, I've never found anything to be effective at redirecting my thoughts.

So...there it is. I'm having one of those anxious days. Really, it's been two days now. Sometimes I wake up and I feel calm and at ease. Sometimes not. On days like today and yesterday, I wake up with an intense feeling of dread...shakiness, elevated blood pressure, etc. Sometimes it's so intense it feels like a mild heart attack, but it's just anxiety.

Not sure why anybody but me should give a shit, but there it is anyway.


----------



## Faine

Well why do you think you're a terrible unworthy person? You have to change the way you think. I'm sure theres a reason why some wonderful lady chose you for a reason. She likes you for something. Show her a good time, show her youre a great guy. She chose YOU. Dont let her down because of how you think about yourself and how you think the world portrays you. Its good that you can feel stable and comfortable when you're alone, whether it be hobbies or just plain ol' being comfortable with yourself. Maybe show her some things you like to do when you're alone and make yourself happy. Open up and let her in. If you trust her enough maybe she'll like the same things too. If you keep thinking about those paranoid thoughts that maybe she wont like you anymore or think youre a bad person it could eventually push her away. I know its hard to say " be happy" or " stop thinking about it" because I know those things can be difficult. 
My best advice is just open up to her, let her in. She chose you for a reason, she likes you. She's not out to hurt you or let you down.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Yeah, I'm working on it. Like I said, I've been in counseling for a few years now. There are a lot of reasons I feel terrible and unworthy. The simple fact that she is interested in me obviously indicates that I am not unworthy, and if emotional responses were rational in any way, that would be great. But...the paranoia persists, because it is not based in truth, but in irrational fear.

And for the record, I have most definitely been opening up to her. I've told her about all of my neuroses, and she is still there, so it seems like it doesn't bother her that much. She told me that she admires me for the strength of character it takes to fight through all that fear and anxiety, and still manage to make forward progress.

Anyway..I'm working on it. And thanks for the reply.


----------



## Faine

HaMMerHeD said:


> And for the record, I have most definitely been opening up to her. I've told her about all of my neuroses, and she is still there, so it seems like it doesn't bother her that much. She told me that she admires me for the strength of character it takes to fight through all that fear and anxiety, and still manage to make forward progress.
> 
> Anyway..I'm working on it. And thanks for the reply.




Thats great! Good to know shes still there for you and knows the situation. She must really like you. Women like confident men, and She can see that youre a strong guy with strength of character willing to overcome this. She probably wants to help you and go through it together!


----------



## blaaargh

Last night, me and my ladyfriend went to our friend's 21st birthday party. I had a great time, but she has extreme social phobia, to the point where if we're in a group that's larger than 4-5 people she'll completely withdraw from the group. It was a very small party, not even ten people there, but it was still way too much for her to handle. On top of that, there was another girl there that kept hitting on me. I didn't realize this until relatively late, and though I didn't respond to her advances, the gf was still really pissed at me. She didn't say anything until we got home though, by which point she was so distraught that she started off by screaming at me and ended by cutting herself in front of me. I was kind of drunk and really confused, so I didn't know what the fuck to do. Afterward she said she wouldn't cut again, and I believe her. Aside from one other time when she threatened to do it, but didn't go through with it, she's never cut since I've known her, though she used to a lot. I was, and still am, too overwhelmed by the whole situation to even be able to respond - my mind simply refused to process what happened. 

She finally calmed down enough to talk about what happened this afternoon, and we were able to work through everything and come to an understanding. I just figured I'd post here to try and sort out my feelings as to what happened. On one hand, I can kind of understand why she reacted the way she did - all her other relationships before this one have been very unhealthy, and she was cheated on and lied to constantly. Another thing that came out in our conversations was that in her last relationship, she took all the blame for their problems, including the guy cheating on her, which left no room for her to be angry at him, and her anger at me may have come from that. On the other hand, though, she clearly overreacted. The girl at the party didn't do much more than give me looks which I didn't return, and this somehow became in her head "you were flirting with her and completely ignoring me," both of which were completely untrue. Several times during the night, I would sit with her when the rest of the people there were somewhere else, and at no point did I have any intention of flirting with the other girl. Her reaction was completely unfair to me and to herself. 

In the end, though, I'm just glad that we were able to get through this without a lot of unnecessary bullshit. She's always had these sorts of emotional issues, and I knew what I was getting into before I started dating her. We've been together a year now, and she's been steadily gaining ground the whole time. We've had our rough spots, but overall our relationship is very strong. I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else. She's the sweetest, most caring person I've met, and absolutely gorgeous to boot. When she's happy, she lights up my world, which is more often than not. I'm happier than I've ever been, and she is too. Hopefully we can keep this thing going for a long time.


----------



## The Reverend

HaMMerHeD said:


> Yeah, I'm working on it. Like I said, I've been in counseling for a few years now. There are a lot of reasons I feel terrible and unworthy. The simple fact that she is interested in me obviously indicates that I am not unworthy, and if emotional responses were rational in any way, that would be great. But...the paranoia persists, because it is not based in truth, but in irrational fear.
> 
> And for the record, I have most definitely been opening up to her. I've told her about all of my neuroses, and she is still there, so it seems like it doesn't bother her that much. She told me that she admires me for the strength of character it takes to fight through all that fear and anxiety, and still manage to make forward progress.
> 
> Anyway..I'm working on it. And thanks for the reply.



Someone close to me has the same cycle of negative thoughts, and while I generally tell him to just stop, I can speak from experience about how simultaneously easy and hard that is.

People like us are thinkers. We think about everything, constantly, but a factor we tend to forget is that the actual thoughts we have, the very words our inner voices use and the logic behind, is actually tinged, or stained, rather, by underlying emotional states. We may see ourselves as more rational than the average person, and while that often is the case, when it comes to an issue that is personal, or even just relates to us, our logic goes through that filter. It's like a self-check; unconsciously, or sometimes even consciously, we change statements from "I'm a good person" to "I'm not a good person," not based on any actual truth. We then demand proof from ourselves on why we should be considered a good person. You can replace 'good' with any adjective you want for this, by the way.

I'm sure your therapist has said something about retraining your thoughts? It's easy as fuck, but also probably the hardest habit to break. We have that constant internal monologue, analyzing and deciphering the world around us, and it's incredibly easy to let negative or untrue thoughts enter that storm of thoughts and dominate them. What you should do is lie to yourself. 

Practice this: An awkward or negative incident happens with the woman you're attracted to. You obsess over it, breaking it down from every angle before deciding that you fucked up -whether you did or not. Tell yourself "It wasn't a big deal, and I'm a great person." Say it a few times. Notice how your 'inner troll' is sitting there in the corner of your mind, disbelieving your main inner voice? That's literally your neuroses talking. It pervades your brain with the feeling of bullshit, and _that's_ what you need to change, among others.

It's not easy, but it's a skill that can be gained and eventually used instinctively. It's akin to playing guitar; at first, playing the damn thing standing up was tough, until enough practice made it come naturally. If you capitalize on positive events in your life as reminders, and focus on objective, true positives about yourself, given time and persistence, you will start to change your habitual thinking process. There's more to this, like making changes in your lifestyle, but I'm sure you probably already knew this, considering you've made the leap to getting professional help already.

As far as interpreting emotions goes, I don't think I have any form of Asperger's, so I'm not sure I can give any advice on that. I do know that I don't feel the same intensity of emotions as everyone else, because I overly analyze things. Consider it a sort of rational empathy: it's hard for me to feel bad for friends losing people, because my brain comes up with a million reasons why it's natural, and I fail to recognize what it has to do with me. I'm smart enough to know, however, that it's tough for others, so I try to be as supportive as possible.

You may be able to get by with something like that? Again, I'm not sure exactly what your therapist has told you, but it's definitely more well-informed and likely to work. I'm just throwing out advice that worked and continues to work for me, and maybe some lurker will see this post and realize there's light at the end of tunnel.

tl;dr
It's literally as easy as just stopping, and literally harder than just stopping.


----------



## tacotiklah

So after a month of not seeing my bf, I got to spend the last two days in a row with him. Hell I even got laid today. Feels good man...


----------



## HaMMerHeD

The Reverend said:


> <snip>



First, thanks for your thoughtful reply. 

Second, yes, my therapist and I have been talking a lot about retraining thoughts. It's a long process. I know it is exactly as easy as "stop thinking about it", but that's the bitch. I don't know how. So we work on it. After my daughter's mother died, it took on a new sense of urgency, because I don't see that it is good to raise a kid when all I want to do is burn the world to dust. How could she possibly have a healthy disposition if that is the model from which she learns? That's where my inner monologue leads me, and it is obviously unhealthy. So for her sake (and my sake too, but mostly hers) it has to change.


----------



## Faine

HaMMerHeD said:


> all I want to do is burn the world to dust.



What I thought of. Good song. oldie.


----------



## Sicarius

judge all you want, but


----------



## The Reverend

Sicarius said:


> judge all you want, but



I second that. And third it, even.


----------



## flint757

Sicarius said:


> judge all you want, but



Dat Azz


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Mmmmmmmmmm I'd love to stick my face in that.


----------



## Bekanor

I stood next to a Ferrari 575 for a few seconds today and all my girl worries melted away, I should get one.


----------



## Sicarius

speaking of exotics I saw an Aston Martin DB9 (I think)

Dear lord.

Not that I'd snub my nose at a 575, but if it were a 458 or 599 I'd probably go to jail for sexual assault on a motor vehicle.



skip to :40 ish, That's what I'm talkin' bout.

not the mustard and poodle thing. that's just weird.


----------



## leandroab

flint757 said:


> Dat Azz


Dat LACK of azz yo say...


----------



## flint757

leandroab said:


> Dat LACK of azz yo say...



IDK I'm not a fan of the over plump ass because it usually leads to other parts being overly plump. Part of the reason I like dancer bodies.


----------



## tacotiklah

flint757 said:


> IDK I'm not a fan of the over plump ass because it usually leads to other parts being overly plump. Part of the reason I like dancer bodies.



Clearly you haven't experienced the awesome qualities of cute chubby girls like myself. 

Seriously though, when I see really skinny girls, I can't help but want to buy them a cheeseburger or something.


----------



## flexkill

HaMMerHeD said:


> <snip>




First of all, That is some extremely deep shit you are talking about, and Kudos to you for being open and being able to share such an emotional subject about yourself. You have a very nice way with words I might add....Do you write at all? If not, I think you should try. Not Only will it be good for your soul, I think you would excel at it.

I also wanted to add, that you and your daughter are going to be just fine Bro. I say this, because from reading your post, you are a very intelligent person who has a leg up on most people in this world.... that being you where smart enough to realize your problems and then smart enough to ask for help to fix them. Believe me, most Humans are not this smart.

Good luck to you man.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Hey guys, is it detrimental to my love life that I find flirtatious behavior to be obnoxious and unnecessary?

There is also my weird thing about touching people. I dont like it. I wouldnt call it a phobia. It just makes me uncomfortable. I dont even like hugging my immediate family.


----------



## flint757

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Hey guys, is it detrimental to my love life that I find flirtatious behavior to be obnoxious and unnecessary?
> 
> There is also my weird thing about touching people. I dont like it. I wouldnt call it a phobia. It just makes me uncomfortable. I dont even like hugging my immediate family.



I find dating procedure and the flirt/ignore policy to hook up with some people to be dumb too. And it has hindered my date life a bit. you may find someone without it,but it doesn't hurt to play the game if you like someone and they don't know you actually like them. Then again maybe the prson right for you hates it too.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

flint757 said:


> I find dating procedure and the flirt/ignore policy to hook up with some people to be dumb too. And it has hindered my date life a bit. you may find someone without it,but it doesn't hurt to play the game if you like someone and they don't know you actually like them. Then again maybe the prson right for you hates it too.



My thing is that I do this thing where I dont act on emotion. I dont show anger, sadness, and in this case, attraction. Acting on emotion leads to nothing but bad things. If I'm interested in a girl, I have to find out more to see if she is worth it. My whole life I've been surrounded by people having nothing but terrible experiences with sex and relationships and I refuse to let that happen to me.

Its all a big headache thats better to be avoided. I'll worry about it when the perfect woman knocks on my front door. Until then, I'll just hide in my room and make music.


----------



## Sicarius

ghstofperdition said:


> Clearly you haven't experienced the awesome qualities of cute chubby girls like myself.
> 
> Seriously though, when I see really skinny girls, I can't help but want to buy them a cheeseburger or something.


until you lose your dick,

you're not a chick.

Not trying to be mean lol


----------



## flint757

leftyguitarjoe said:


> My thing is that I do this thing where I dont act on emotion. I dont show anger, sadness, and in this case, attraction. Acting on emotion leads to nothing but bad things. If I'm interested in a girl, I have to find out more to see if she is worth it. My whole life I've been surrounded by people having nothing but terrible experiences with sex and relationships and I refuse to let that happen to me.
> 
> Its all a big headache thats better to be avoided. I'll worry about it when the perfect woman knocks on my front door. Until then, I'll just hide in my room and make music.



me and you could be brothers  same experiences

The thing is girls think you don't like them if you don't act attracted so it makes it difficult. It just means you'd have to date a friend and can't date(and not be friends) strangers basically. Limits the pool a bit...


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

flint757 said:


> me and you could be brothers  same experiences
> 
> The thing is girls think you don't like them if you don't act attracted so it makes it difficult. It just means you'd have to date a friend and can't date(and not be friends) strangers basically. Limits the pool a bit...



At this point I dont even want to get in the pool. The reward doesnt justify the cost to obtain it.


----------



## flint757

leftyguitarjoe said:


> At this point I dont even want to get in the pool. The reward doesnt justify the cost to obtain it.



Ya I'm in your boat for sure I'm just not interested as of late, too much hassle. Even if college makes it almost impossible.


----------



## tacotiklah

Sicarius said:


> until you lose your dick,
> 
> you're not a chick.
> 
> Not trying to be mean lol




I'm telling you nicely right now, it would be wise to NEVER say that to me again. 

Edit: I love how people say "I'm not trying to be mean", then proceed to say the meanest, most hurtful thing they can...


----------



## Sicarius

A lot of people are probably mad by my joke.

Frankly, I don't care. I'm not "transphobic" at all, but since I've kept my feelings out of the thread about your choice, I don't expect you to think any differently due to a joke.

Physically, you are male, despite what you think (or feel, whatever) mentally.

If I hurt your feelings, well, I'm not apologizing, you need a lot thicker skin for the life you're going to commit to. Because what I said, is nothing in comparison, to what awaits you. I commend you for your decision, if you choose, to go through the operation, your life will hopefully be fulfilling and fruitful, and happy, and I hope it is.


If you think that's the meanest thing that could be said, you're in for a rude awakening.


----------



## Pooluke41

ghstofperdition said:


> I'm telling you nicely right now, it would be wise to NEVER say that to me again.
> 
> Edit: I love how people say "I'm not trying to be mean", then proceed to say the meanest, most hurtful thing they can...



Dude, Sic was only having a joke.







(no christian)


----------



## tacotiklah

Look, I love this thread and as such am gonna stop posting on the matter here. You wanna talk about it, pm me. I'd be happy to educate you on just how and why what you said sent me nuclear. But not here.

Anyways, things with my man are going pretty awesome thus far. Had a lot of fun going out to dinner and just spending some alone time in general. Kinda wish he'd do this with me much more often...


----------



## Omarfan

He makes a pretty valid point in saying you need to have thicker skin. Your lifestyle is conducive to a lot worse than what he said. Some people would threaten your life or try to take your life for your lifestyle. With that in mind, what he said was not politically correct but hardly anything in all actuality. Let it roll off your back or go running back in the closet cause it's only gonna get worse for you from here and not just from anonymous people on the internet.


----------



## leandroab

Sicarius said:


> until you lose your dick,
> 
> you're not a chick.
> 
> Not trying to be mean lol





Omarfan said:


> He makes a pretty valid point in saying you need to have thicker skin. Your lifestyle is conducive to a lot worse than what he said. Some people would threaten your life or try to take your life for your lifestyle. With that in mind, what he said was not politically correct but hardly anything in all actuality. Let it roll off your back or go running back in the closet cause it's only gonna get worse for you from here and not just from anonymous people on the internet.





ghstofperdition said:


> Look, I love this thread and as such am gonna stop posting on the matter here. You wanna talk about it, pm me. I'd be happy to educate you on just how and why what you said sent me nuclear. But not here.
> 
> Anyways, things with my man are going pretty awesome thus far. Had a lot of fun going out to dinner and just spending some alone time in general. Kinda wish he'd do this with me much more often...





Sicarius said:


> A lot of people are probably mad by my joke.
> 
> Frankly, I don't care. I'm not "transphobic" at all, but since I've kept my feelings out of the thread about your choice, I don't expect you to think any differently due to a joke.
> 
> Physically, you are male, despite what you think (or feel, whatever) mentally.
> 
> If I hurt your feelings, well, I'm not apologizing, you need a lot thicker skin for the life you're going to commit to. Because what I said, is nothing in comparison, to what awaits you. I commend you for your decision, if you choose, to go through the operation, your life will hopefully be fulfilling and fruitful, and happy, and I hope it is.
> 
> 
> If you think that's the meanest thing that could be said, you're in for a rude awakening.





ghstofperdition said:


> I'm telling you nicely right now, it would be wise to NEVER say that to me again.
> 
> Edit: I love how people say "I'm not trying to be mean", then proceed to say the meanest, most hurtful thing they can...



This thread is not the place for this discussion. Quit it guys...


----------



## tacotiklah

^agreed. Let's just move on please.


----------



## Sicarius

this whole thing is a shmergleborp


----------



## Cabinet

So I met this girl tonight.
Basically she's been friends with my friends for a few weeks but her and I never met until tonight when it was my friend's birthday dinner.

She's really cool. Aside from her having an awesome taste in music (We hung out in my apartment for 15 minutes rocking out to Venetian Snares and the new Meshuggah album) she's really cute and has a very energetic attitude.

I've only hung out with her for a few hours and I can't say I love her, I hardly know her, but I really want to get to know her better. And we get along really well this evening. Tomorrow we go to Subway and then we plan on watching the movie UP, a movie where we both cried like bitches apparently 
The only problem is my friend will be there, and I'd like to get private 1 on 1 time with her. It's just really, really great to speak to a girl who's first language is English and I click with well.

Not sure if I'm asking for advice, although feel free to throw any out there. Will post status updates though, but I wouldn't expect anything worthy of "Congratulations"


----------



## Sicarius

instead of status updates, just be engaging. we don't need to know what goes down, she just needs to know what's up.


also, Squirrel!


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Cabinet said:


> So I met this girl tonight.
> Basically she's been friends with my friends for a few weeks but her and I never met until tonight when it was my friend's birthday dinner.
> 
> She's really cool. Aside from her having an awesome taste in music (We hung out in my apartment for 15 minutes rocking out to Venetian Snares and the new Meshuggah album) she's really cute and has a very energetic attitude.
> 
> I've only hung out with her for a few hours and I can't say I love her, I hardly know her, but I really want to get to know her better. And we get along really well this evening. Tomorrow we go to Subway and then we plan on watching the movie UP, a movie where we both cried like bitches apparently
> The only problem is my friend will be there, and I'd like to get private 1 on 1 time with her. It's just really, really great to speak to a girl who's first language is English and I click with well.
> 
> Not sure if I'm asking for advice, although feel free to throw any out there. Will post status updates though, but I wouldn't expect anything worthy of "Congratulations"


 
first thing i'd say is, simmer down . a little excitement is good, but it seems (to me) like you might already be a little too invested in this girl for comfort. in my experience, the BEST things always just happen, and arent forced, because i believe that when we think too much, our heads get in the way of what our instincts already know. you KNOW deep down how to communicate with this girl on a level deeper than her conscious mind can understand, but to do that you have to get YOUR concious mind out of the way, and you cant do that when you're worked up. so treat it almost like a man-date and just have a blast with her, no pressure to do anything or be alone or anything like that. That keeps you cool and loose, and it communicates to her that you're not needy and you're in control. If the attraction is there, things will happen 

I'd tell you good luck, but you don't need luck cuz you're the fucking man (my mantra haha)


----------



## Faine

^ yeah I agree. Too soon for private hang out time haha. Let her feel more comfortable hangin with you and your friends first before you hang alone haha. BE SMOOTH


----------



## BlindingLight7

What in the fuck is going on in here now?


----------



## Sicarius

whoever left this " shmergleborp " as a comment

PM me.

I have positive rep for you, for awesome word usage.

(This isn't a trap, I'm serious. I love that word )


----------



## tacotiklah

Well as I've said on my facebook, I've learned a new life lesson today...

So I've been friends with one of my old bandmates and his g/f or 4 or so years right? Well a month or two ago, they split up, but on good terms. She has been texting me and hanging out with me a lot lately and is super supportive of me. She knows I have a b/f and doesn't care. She has been turning up the flirting with me quite a bit. I started getting feelings back for her. But before I was going to make a move, I wanted to talk to my buddy/her ex first to make sure that he would be cool with it. If he had any problem with it, I would back off completely because I value friendship over trying to get a girl. So where's the problem you might ask?

There's another person involved in this bullshit. I brought my best friend/cousin and her ex-bf/good friend along with me to go drinking with this girl and one of her friends. On the way there, I specifically mentioned to my cousin's ex-bf (who I thought was a good friend of mine too) that I had a crush on this girl (old bandmate's ex-gf) and that I was trying to take things super slow so that I don't hurt and/or ruin friendships. I begged him to please not hit on her and/or try to get with her at all. He said no problem. My cousin later pulled him aside that night and begged him not to do that because she knew I'd be crushed if he did. This was on wednesday.

Fast-forward to last night. I show up to a mexican/bar grill to kick it with this girl I like and my cousin's ex, get drunk and sing karaoke. We're all having a good time and about an hour before we leave, I notice them getting pretty frisky. Like really hanging all over each other. It made me super uncomfortable and I got pretty hammered because of it, just to drown out the pain. But after I got home, I managed to half-way convince myself that I was being paranoid and reading too much into it.

Well I woke up a bit more clear-headed today and thought more about it. It just seemed so fucked up that I asked him to back off entirely two days ago and he is already hanging all over this girl. So I finally text him and asked him what was up. He couldn't give me a straight answer. While waiting for his response the girl texts me and asks if I want to go to the same spot again tonight since it's karaoke night again. I ask her who else is going and it's just gonna be me and my buddy (her ex). So I say yes and roll over there. I get there kinda early. My buddy is there and mentions that she is gonna be running a little late because she is picking up this guy. Great. I just spent the last two hours trying to figure out what this guy is up to and she goes and brings him.

So when I voiced my displeasure at this guy coming along too, my buddy asks me why I'm upset about it. So I tell him everything. I tell him about how I got a crush on his ex, how I was trying to play it cool and talk to him first before I really try to do anything with her, and about how this dude more or less is backstabbing me in trying to get with her. He tells me that it would be a little hard, but he really likes me as a person, so he'd be cool with it. He doesn't like this other guy though.

Said other guy finally shows up. He tries to give me a hug while I'm in the middle of a song and I just push him away. After my song we have a chat. He confesses to kissing her and is unsure where they are going with that. I tell him to stay the fuck away from me, that he is no longer my friend, and that he is a backstabbing piece of shit. All away from everyone else of course, so as not to fuck up the night for everybody else. I then go pay for my check and leave.

tl;dr version:
Don't tell your supposed friends who your crushes are. They will just see that as a challenge and get with your crush just to backstab you and make your life a living hell...


Edit: Should note that this girl I have a thing for is COMPLETELY oblivious to both my feelings and what is going on with this guy. I sent her a text to tell her that I'm sorry I had to leave, that it wasn't her fault, to not worry about it and have a good time tonight. I said that I would explain everything to her after she goes home tonight.


----------



## Omarfan

Ok what the fuck is wrong with you? Really, you've been bi, you've been gay, you've been trans, you have a boyfriend and now you're into a girl and you're polyamorous. I mean, holy fuck, do you even know what you are man? I really can't believe all this at this point, it just rings as complete and utter confusion. Get butthurt by this if you want, but I simply cannot believe someone can go through all these rapid changes in such a short timespan. You need to do some thinking about yourself and what you are because none of this makes sense anymore.


----------



## Necris

She's transgendered bisexual, and polyamorous doesn't seem so difficult to understand to me. For some people sexuality is something that is discovered over time and can be fluid. If it makes you uncomfortable that some people are open about it, in a thread devoted to relationships no less, that's your issue.


----------



## tacotiklah

Omarfan said:


> Ok what the fuck is wrong with you? Really, you've been bi, you've been gay, you've been trans, you have a boyfriend and now you're into a girl and you're polyamorous. I mean, holy fuck, do you even know what you are man? I really can't believe all this at this point, it just rings as complete and utter confusion. Get butthurt by this if you want, but I simply cannot believe someone can go through all these rapid changes in such a short timespan. You need to do some thinking about yourself and what you are because none of this makes sense anymore.



Edit:
I just had a nice long rant but deleted it since again, I place others ahead of myself and do not want this thread closed. It has helped a great number of people, including myself, and I would hate to see it closed down since you simply can't just send a private message.

So again, I'd be happy to address these points in a private message, but please stop trying to derail this thread. I will find a mod if I have to, to rectify the situation.


----------



## trianglebutt

Omarfan said:


> Ok what the fuck is wrong with you? Really, you've been bi, you've been gay, you've been trans, you have a boyfriend and now you're into a girl and you're polyamorous. I mean, holy fuck, do you even know what you are man? I really can't believe all this at this point, it just rings as complete and utter confusion. Get butthurt by this if you want, but I simply cannot believe someone can go through all these rapid changes in such a short timespan. You need to do some thinking about yourself and what you are because none of this makes sense anymore.


Maybe it makes sense to him.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^yup. I've met lots of different types in my time, and one thing ive learned is that sexuality is a sliding bar, not a yes-or-no switch. plus, anybody getting THAT much play from THAT many people is obviously doing something right! or lives someplace where they're putting hornygoat weed in the water. shitty situation, GoP, hope either it works out for you, or they both get the clap


----------



## Thrashmanzac

^ no need to be a dick about it man. ghst- that sucks man, im sure you will sort that shit out, good by you to talk to your buddy about your intentions as well, that shows how much you value your friendship.
edit: was not meaning the person directly above me was being a dick.


----------



## -42-

Relationships aren't determined by one party, and if she was showing interest in your friend then he (assuming average male mentality right here) probably isn't going to reject it. Maybe your friend is/was a dick for undermining your pleas to keep his hands off of her, but that fact that she's oblivious to your affection doesn't exactly smack of proactivity. You seem to have a pretty decent recollection of the moves that your buddy put on her, but aside from some text messages, I can't see anything that could be interpreted as _you_ expressing interest or affection. Humans are notoriously bad at mind-reading, after all. Plus, what about her feelings in all of this? She seems to be reciprocating his interest, and it seems a bit presumptuous to assume that she would do the same to you if only your friend would back down. Women can pursue men just as easily as men can pursue women.


----------



## tacotiklah

-42- said:


> Relationships aren't determined by one party, and if she was showing interest in your friend then he (assuming average male mentality right here) probably isn't going to reject it. Maybe your friend is/was a dick for undermining your pleas to keep his hands off of her, but that fact that she's oblivious to your affection doesn't exactly smack of proactivity. You seem to have a pretty decent recollection of the moves that your buddy put on her, but aside from some text messages, I can't see anything that could be interpreted as _you_ expressing interest or affection. Humans are notoriously bad at mind-reading, after all. Plus, what about her feelings in all of this? She seems to be reciprocating his interest, and it seems a bit presumptuous to assume that she would do the same to you if only your friend would back down. Women can pursue men just as easily as men can pursue women.




When I confronted him in person, he admitted to them kissing. I'd say that qualifies as a move dude.
Maube it's the beer talking (shock top is great for emotional pain btw), but I'm just at a point where I don't care anymore. I just felt like this dude was supposed to have my back (and he did give me his word that he wouldn't do anything with her other than just hang out with her, which he has clearly broken) and he screwed me over. I just have to suck it up like I always do and move on. One of these days, I'll learn my lesson and stop trusting people so blindly and stop trusting their word.


----------



## flint757

ghstofperdition said:


> When I confronted him in person, he admitted to them kissing. I'd say that qualifies as a move dude.
> Maube it's the beer talking (shock top is great for emotional pain btw), but I'm just at a point where I don't care anymore. I just felt like this dude was supposed to have my back (and he did give me his word that he wouldn't do anything with her other than just hang out with her, which he has clearly broken) and he screwed me over. I just have to suck it up like I always do and move on. One of these days, I'll learn my lesson and stop trusting people so blindly and stop trusting their word.



Ya when potential sex is on the line there is very few people you can actually trust with their word. I've been betrayed in a similar sense before, but under different circumstances, just gotta brush off your shoulders and move on like you said. One thing I've learned is people can't be trusted. Even my absolute best friends can't be trusted with certain things like being good at time management.


----------



## tacotiklah

True that. I spent my whole childhood learning that your word is your bond, and it's all you have. I fail because I expect others to follow the same code of honor, and it's just not how the world really works apparently...


----------



## flint757

ghstofperdition said:


> True that. I spent my whole childhood learning that your word is your bond, and it's all you have. I fail because I expect others to follow the same code of honor, and it's just not how the world really works apparently...



It technically is...you can't trust what someone says then you can't trust them at all, but people do seem to betray that on a regular basis. I haven't met a consistently honest person in a long time.


----------



## tacotiklah

flint757 said:


> It technically is...you can't trust what someone says then you can't trust them at all, but people do seem to betray that on a regular basis. I haven't met a consistently honest person in a long time.




Pleased to make your acquaintance.


----------



## BlindingLight7

Good grief this is ridiculous guys...even I don't cause this much drama!


I am talking to the Cancer girl again, and she got back with her abusive BF...so I'm just like..."hi..."


----------



## Cabinet

So I talked to the drummer girl and asked her if she'd be down for watching a movie with just us two. She said she'd like to get to know me better, but she's not looking for a relationship (She leaves in June so I guess that makes sense?)
I'm not too down about it, but we're still totally cool. Maybe I'll ask her again after we've hung out more and she'd be more up for the idea.


----------



## Sicarius

BlindingLight7 said:


> Good grief this is ridiculous guys...even I don't cause this much drama!
> 
> 
> I am talking to the Cancer girl again, and she got back with her abusive BF...so I'm just like..."hi..."



That's a battle you'll likely not win, man. :/

It's more fun when we're comparing foreveralone status stories. Rest of this is just too much fucking drama.


----------



## leandroab

Cabinet said:


> So I talked to the drummer girl and asked her if she'd be down for watching a movie with just us two. She said she'd like to get to know me better, but she's not looking for a relationship (She leaves in June so I guess that makes sense?)
> I'm not too down about it, but we're still totally cool. Maybe I'll ask her again after we've hung out more and she'd be more up for the idea.



Well, we told you... Didn't we? 

When I was studying in the US and was about to go back home (two months) I didn't want to start a relationship, but I did it anyways. And it was awesome. Sure, when I left we both felt like shit for a few weeks, but it healed.

I say take your time and see what happens!


----------



## Cabinet

That's exactly what I'm doing, dude. Not gonna try and push her at all, just sit back and let the chips fall where they may.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

So...I took the woman to dinner last night. We had a wonderful time. She looked absolutely amazing. The restaurant, food, and weather were just beautiful. We had a nice long talk about what we each want and need, how we each feel, and what we expect from each other. Open-ness, honesty, and clear communication are great things.

Anyway...the insanity seems to have cleared. It mostly has to do with the uncertainty that I feel at the beginning of any given relationship, when I am trying to determine my role, and where I stand from the woman's perspective. But since we talked about that, and did so very clearly, most of my fear, uncertainty, and doubt has been ameliorated.


----------



## Sicarius

now, be careful.

the pretty ones know how to mask their crazy better than most.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Sicarius said:


> now, be careful.
> 
> the pretty ones know how to mask their crazy better than most.



Oh I know that. I am very familiar with her brand of crazy. It's something I can cope with very well.


----------



## Faine

HaMMerHeD said:


> So...I took the woman to dinner last night. We had a wonderful time. She looked absolutely amazing. The restaurant, food, and weather were just beautiful. We had a nice long talk about what we each want and need, how we each feel, and what we expect from each other. Open-ness, honesty, and clear communication are great things.
> 
> Anyway...the insanity seems to have cleared. It mostly has to do with the uncertainty that I feel at the beginning of any given relationship, when I am trying to determine my role, and where I stand from the woman's perspective. But since we talked about that, and did so very clearly, most of my fear, uncertainty, and doubt has been ameliorated.




Thats good so far man! I was wondering what was going on!


----------



## Sicarius

HaMMerHeD said:


> Oh I know that. I am very familiar with her brand of crazy. It's something I can cope with very well.


Is it Kinky crazy? 'cause that can be fun, but as a gentleman, I find it hard to enjoy slapping a girl around.

"Harder!"
"I don't want to hurt you..."
"That's the point! HARDER!"

*shivers*


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Friday night was kinda interesting for me. It served as a painful reminder of how much I suck.

I invite my friend Kylea over. The plans were just to drink a bit and goof off and whatnot. My roommate/bff Rob was also there, enjoying a rare friday night off from his night shift job. Kylea then asks if her best friend Amanda can come over. 

Amanda comes over. This is the first time Rob and I have met her. Being me, I say hi and continue drowning in a bottle of vodka. Rob, however, somehow instantly hits it off with this girl. What I found perplexing was how Rob did nothing but act like a dick and make fun of her and she loved it. When they started getting cuddly, it made me very uncomfortable so I drank more. After a little while, I just went to sleep.

Rob got lucky that night with a girl he had never met before. This is something I consider to be kinda normal for people, but also something that I am completely incapable of doing. I'm not an asshole, I refuse to act like one, and there is still the whole touching people thing I cant seem to get over. I've only been in a similar situation once in my life, knowing a girl you just met wants to fuck, but I turned her down because "uncomfortable" doesnt even begin to describe how it made me feel. That was in 2008 and I havent changed at all. You might think alcohol would help with that kinda stuff, but the drunker I got, the more I receded from the group. I remember going outside for a cig and only able to think about how I'd love to run and get as far away from my apartment as possible.

This isnt a unique experience either.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Sicarius said:


> Is it Kinky crazy? 'cause that can be fun, but as a gentleman, I find it hard to enjoy slapping a girl around.
> 
> "Harder!"
> "I don't want to hurt you..."
> "That's the point! HARDER!"
> 
> *shivers*



No, nothing like that. I have the same problem. I don't like violence to be a part of intimacy.



leftyguitarjoe said:


> Friday night was kinda interesting for me. It served as a painful reminder of how much I suck.
> 
> I invite my friend Kylea over. The plans were just to drink a bit and goof off and whatnot. My roommate/bff Rob was also there, enjoying a rare friday night off from his night shift job. Kylea then asks if her best friend Amanda can come over.
> 
> Amanda comes over. This is the first time Rob and I have met her. Being me, I say hi and continue drowning in a bottle of vodka. Rob, however, somehow instantly hits it off with this girl. What I found perplexing was how Rob did nothing but act like a dick and make fun of her and she loved it. When they started getting cuddly, it made me very uncomfortable so I drank more. After a little while, I just went to sleep.
> 
> Rob got lucky that night with a girl he had never met before. This is something I consider to be kinda normal for people, but also something that I am completely incapable of doing. I'm not an asshole, I refuse to act like one, and there is still the whole touching people thing I cant seem to get over. I've only been in a similar situation once in my life, knowing a girl you just met wants to fuck, but I turned her down because "uncomfortable" doesnt even begin to describe how it made me feel. That was in 2008 and I havent changed at all. You might think alcohol would help with that kinda stuff, but the drunker I got, the more I receded from the group. I remember going outside for a cig and only able to think about how I'd love to run and get as far away from my apartment as possible.
> 
> This isnt a unique experience either.



Well, I can't say I have a problem with physical contact, but I do know some of how you. I have found that rather than social lubricant or liquid courage, or any of the other wildly misleading nicknames people have for alcohol, to me, it's just a mood amplifier. If I am feeling good, it will make me feel better. If I am feeling bad, it'll make it worse. If I'm feeling uncomfortable and anti-social, it'll make me want to run away somewhere dark and quiet by myself.

I have never been very OK with the idea of a one-night stand. Now...I've done it, because sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and blow the em ergency exhaust valve. But it's not a great situation, and I would never call any one night stand good sex. It's meh at best. All I can say is, if it bothers you, don't do it. If it is outside your character to be a jerk, don't do it. But don't overlook the fact that some people like a bit of friendly teasing from time to time. From your perspective, he was being a dick...but I guarantee you she had a different interpretation.


----------



## tacotiklah

Update from my last post:

So last night, I swallowed my pride, got made up and dressed nicely, and met up with that girl at our favorite drinking spot not far from my house. It was just her and me there. I told her about everything that is going on and what all went down between that asshole guy and myself. She was less than happy with him and flat told me whether or not she even still hangs out with him is kinda up in the air. She also said that I was completely in the right for being upset, and that had she known that I liked her, she wouldn't have kissed that guy.

Fairy tale ending right? Not really...

Come to find out that in the last week, 9 guys have approached her (and now I guess one girl.  ) and she is feeling kinda overwhelmed is more or less telling everybody to fuck off because she can't really deal with being hit on that much at once. I don't blame her one bit, because I have had a similar, but more mild version of that happen to me and it is annoying as fuck.

I told her so, and I told her that's why I was originally trying to just move very slowly and cautiously, and it's also why I wanted to get the okay from her ex (my buddy and former bandmate)
I wanted to leave nothing to chance. But then asshole-ish people come along and kinda cut me off and demand to get into her pants. Of course she blows them off for the most part, but it's kinda made me rush some of the things that I was trying to do.

I told her all of this and she flat out told me that she REALLY appreciates what I was trying to do, and that she is big on personality and not looks. She also said that my personality is perfect and that we really click, so her response to me telling her that I like her is kind of a "let's just keep going in this direction and see where it goes" thing. She is committing to nothing right now, and I'm totally cool with that.

All in all a good "date" of sorts. I've plenty worse ones, and I was SO appreciative of the fact that she understood and basically sided with me on the whole issue with that one guy...


----------



## flint757

HaMMerHeD said:


> No, nothing like that. I have the same problem. I don't like violence to be a part of intimacy.
> 
> 
> 
> Well, I can't say I have a problem with physical contact, but I do know some of how you. I have found that rather than social lubricant or liquid courage, or any of the other wildly misleading nicknames people have for alcohol, to me, it's just a mood amplifier. If I am feeling good, it will make me feel better. If I am feeling bad, it'll make it worse. If I'm feeling uncomfortable and anti-social, it'll make me want to run away somewhere dark and quiet by myself.
> 
> I have never been very OK with the idea of a one-night stand. Now...I've done it, because sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and blow the em ergency exhaust valve. But it's not a great situation, and I would never call any one night stand good sex. It's meh at best. All I can say is, if it bothers you, don't do it. If it is outside your character to be a jerk, don't do it. But don't overlook the fact that some people like a bit of friendly teasing from time to time. From your perspective, he was being a dick...but I guarantee you she had a different interpretation.



That's what I was going to say. Was he being a legit jerk? Or making fun of her, but in a way that was obviously sarcastic and playful? Poking fun with people and being a "jerk" is like a racy joke people enjoy it even though it seems they shouldn't.


----------



## tacotiklah

^I agree. I'd need to know the context of his jokes better before I'd throw the label of jerk on him.

Girls love to be teased, but not insulted if that makes any sense. The casual teasing lets them know that you're interesting and have a sense of humor.


----------



## murakami

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Friday night was kinda interesting for me. It served as a painful reminder of how much I suck.
> 
> I invite my friend Kylea over. The plans were just to drink a bit and goof off and whatnot. My roommate/bff Rob was also there, enjoying a rare friday night off from his night shift job. Kylea then asks if her best friend Amanda can come over.
> 
> Amanda comes over. This is the first time Rob and I have met her. Being me, I say hi and continue drowning in a bottle of vodka. Rob, however, somehow instantly hits it off with this girl. What I found perplexing was how Rob did nothing but act like a dick and make fun of her and she loved it. When they started getting cuddly, it made me very uncomfortable so I drank more. After a little while, I just went to sleep.
> 
> Rob got lucky that night with a girl he had never met before. This is something I consider to be kinda normal for people, but also something that I am completely incapable of doing. I'm not an asshole, I refuse to act like one, and there is still the whole touching people thing I cant seem to get over. I've only been in a similar situation once in my life, knowing a girl you just met wants to fuck, but I turned her down because "uncomfortable" doesnt even begin to describe how it made me feel. That was in 2008 and I havent changed at all. You might think alcohol would help with that kinda stuff, but the drunker I got, the more I receded from the group. I remember going outside for a cig and only able to think about how I'd love to run and get as far away from my apartment as possible.
> 
> This isnt a unique experience either.



dude, you may think otherwise, but you're a winner. getting laid is getting laid. but if shes that easy, she probably has some sort of std or worse.
i dont know about you or the rest of the guys here, but i don't like easy women. i like women with class and smarts and i am pretty sure you're that kind of person too.

if you want to be conservative and act kind, then a woman who likes that will be attracted. woman who like assholes are usually dumb bitches and have low self esteem.

the only thing i can think of you doing bad is you downing some alcohol when feeling uncomfortable.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^sorry, but that's not true. ALL women want a dominant, secure male, on some level. And, sorry to say, but if there are available women around a group of men, the ones who are secure with themselves and more outgoing will win out.

Probably the biggest "problem" I see with this thread is guys wanting to be their themselves, which is often times withdrawn and completely oblivious to what women want, and still find a girl who is attracted to that over the alternative. I hate to break it to you guys, but sometimes finding girls takes work and preparation. you never know when you'll meet the perfect girl, so you ALWAYS have to be prepared, meaning mentally, emotionally, and physically (to a lesser extend, but still). If you're in here to talk about how girls are all messed up because none of them like you, they you'd probably need to take some responsibility for how you present yourself and see things from their point of view.

Look, I'm not one of these guys that picks up girls relentlessly, I was once the guy that our mothers raise us to be, kind and polite and never agressive. but all I got was girls that should have been with me picking some "asshole" (often a gross misinterpretation on said asshole's part, steming from jealously) over me, then telling me about how things have gone wrong and how they'd love someone just like me, but not me. Then, I took it upon myself to find out what women like, and i havn't been at a loss since. Take responsibility for learning the human mating ritual, guys, and STOP KILLING YOURSELVES WITH SORROW AND BOOZE . 

To leftyguitarjoe, few things suck more than seeing your buddies score while you remain on the sidelines, but take the lessons you can learn, and weigh it against the pain that you feel, and know that the lesson, if you learn from it, is ALWAYS the bargain. You dont have to feel like that anymore if you put in the work. Good luck dawg!


----------



## Sicarius

but it's so much easier (and more fun) to be dismissive and say, "bitches be crazy".


----------



## glassmoon0fo

I have a coupon for an extra large jar of vaseline that you can have, then.


----------



## Sicarius

I have soft hands, already.


----------



## murakami

glassmoon0fo said:


> ^sorry, but that's not true. ALL women want a dominant, secure male, on some level. And, sorry to say, but if there are available women around a group of men, the ones who are secure with themselves and more outgoing will win out.
> 
> Probably the biggest "problem" I see with this thread is guys wanting to be their themselves, which is often times withdrawn and completely oblivious to what women want, and still find a girl who is attracted to that over the alternative. I hate to break it to you guys, but sometimes finding girls takes work and preparation. you never know when you'll meet the perfect girl, so you ALWAYS have to be prepared, meaning mentally, emotionally, and physically (to a lesser extend, but still). If you're in here to talk about how girls are all messed up because none of them like you, they you'd probably need to take some responsibility for how you present yourself and see things from their point of view.
> 
> Look, I'm not one of these guys that picks up girls relentlessly, I was once the guy that our mothers raise us to be, kind and polite and never agressive. but all I got was girls that should have been with me picking some "asshole" (often a gross misinterpretation on said asshole's part, steming from jealously) over me, then telling me about how things have gone wrong and how they'd love someone just like me, but not me. Then, I took it upon myself to find out what women like, and i havn't been at a loss since. Take responsibility for learning the human mating ritual, guys, and STOP KILLING YOURSELVES WITH SORROW AND BOOZE .
> 
> To leftyguitarjoe, few things suck more than seeing your buddies score while you remain on the sidelines, but take the lessons you can learn, and weigh it against the pain that you feel, and know that the lesson, if you learn from it, is ALWAYS the bargain. You dont have to feel like that anymore if you put in the work. Good luck dawg!



i dont see being an asshole as being dominant; just an asshole.

nice guys will get the job done, but it's more confidence that i felt made it the nice guys game.

nice guys can be dominant by taking command, which has nothing to do with being a prick i feel. being an ass, i dont see a lot women going for that over here where i live.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

See, no one's advocating being an asshole. I just mentioned that you have to be comfortable with yourself (thats where the "confidence" part comes in) and you have to take stock in yourself if you ever expect a woman to. That includes setting your own personal boundaries and going after what you want, values that lots of "B" males misconstrue as being an asshole. Nice guys definately do get the job done, but not when someone else is displaying all the right characteristics and being active in finding their girl and the nice guy is just being nice. We're saying the same thing, just in different ways.

Lots of people dont like the way things are, but it's alot easier to accept the way of the world, learn the game, and then kick ass at it, than to sit around with your lip stuck out wishing that things were different. I feel passionately about it, since i used to do just that, and sometimes I come across a bit crass and people don't like it. Doesn't make the ideas any less valid, or the statements any less true. Take care, guys =)

EDIT: btw, to go back to the OP, I get the feeling that the "acting like an ass" thing that leftyguitarjoe mentioned would probably include the guy busting this girls balls and being loud and boastful. What does that communicate to the girl? That he's comfortable in her presence and isn't intimidated by her attractiveness (they know they're attractive, trust me) and that he is DOMINANT. At least in that situation. If it was the wrong thing to do, she probably would have stopped him. Maybe joe could come clarify? Either way, I hope you find something you can use in my statements and are more prepared when the next one comes along, and there WILL be a next one. later dudes.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

ghstofperdition said:


> Update from my last post:
> 
> So last night, I swallowed my pride, got made up and dressed nicely, and met up with that girl at our favorite drinking spot not far from my house. It was just her and me there. I told her about everything that is going on and what all went down between that asshole guy and myself. She was less than happy with him and flat told me whether or not she even still hangs out with him is kinda up in the air. She also said that I was completely in the right for being upset, and that had she known that I liked her, she wouldn't have kissed that guy.
> 
> Fairy tale ending right? Not really...
> 
> Come to find out that in the last week, 9 guys have approached her (and now I guess one girl.  ) and she is feeling kinda overwhelmed is more or less telling everybody to fuck off because she can't really deal with being hit on that much at once. I don't blame her one bit, because I have had a similar, but more mild version of that happen to me and it is annoying as fuck.
> 
> I told her so, and I told her that's why I was originally trying to just move very slowly and cautiously, and it's also why I wanted to get the okay from her ex (my buddy and former bandmate)
> I wanted to leave nothing to chance. But then asshole-ish people come along and kinda cut me off and demand to get into her pants. Of course she blows them off for the most part, but it's kinda made me rush some of the things that I was trying to do.
> 
> I told her all of this and she flat out told me that she REALLY appreciates what I was trying to do, and that she is big on personality and not looks. She also said that my personality is perfect and that we really click, so her response to me telling her that I like her is kind of a "let's just keep going in this direction and see where it goes" thing. She is committing to nothing right now, and I'm totally cool with that.
> 
> All in all a good "date" of sorts. I've plenty worse ones, and I was SO appreciative of the fact that she understood and basically sided with me on the whole issue with that one guy...



sounds like a fairytale ending to me dude 
this girl listened to what you had to say, thanked you for sharing your feelings, shared her own feeling with you, and basically agreed that you two really click. what else could have made it better?
on a side note, heres whats happening in my world with relationships. i talked to my ex for the first time in about a month and it was really good, we are still not talking, just to give eachother space, but we are both on the exact samne page with wanting to be friends but not wanting to rush it. since the break up i have been devoting alot of time to myself, somthing i in alot of ways neglected when we were together. i really feel i am learning ALOT about myself, and its weird but i am not interested in finding someone else at all at the moment. life really is pretty fucking good at the moment


----------



## Sicarius

that's usually how it goes.

Then you wake up one morning, realizing it's been 3 1/2 years, and then you're forever alone like the rest of us.

-_- I really need more friends so I can get out more lol


----------



## tacotiklah

Thrashmanzac said:


> sounds like a fairytale ending to me dude
> this girl listened to what you had to say, thanked you for sharing your feelings, shared her own feeling with you, and basically agreed that you two really click. what else could have made it better?
> on a side note, here's whats happening in my world with relationships. i talked to my ex for the first time in about a month and it was really good, we are still not talking, just to give each other space, but we are both on the exact same page with wanting to be friends but not wanting to rush it. since the break up i have been devoting a lot of time to myself, something i in a lot of ways neglected when we were together. i really feel i am learning A LOT about myself, and its weird but i am not interested in finding someone else at all at the moment. life really is pretty fucking good at the moment



Not entirely. She made it pretty clear that in the immediate future, she isn't committing to anything. Can't say I blame her with all these people hanging on her shoulder and whatnot, but it's not like where you go on a date and the girl likes you and wants to move forward. With her it's more of a, meh whatever happens will happen thing. So I just gotta be cool on a scale of 3,000 megafonzies and let things happen on their own. In the meantime, I'll just keep taking her out to things like movies, drinks, good food, etc. I've been friends with her for years, so if all else fails, I got to spend time with a good friend instead of sitting at home like a forever alone meme. I basically feel that I win either way, so it's w/e.


----------



## MFB

That moment when you talk to an old friend all day and kick your own ass for not asking her out back when you had the chance. Yeah


----------



## leandroab

MFB said:


> That moment when you talk to an old friend all day and kick your own ass for not asking her out back when you had the chance. Yeah



Suxxx


----------



## MFB

Yup, talked to one of my friends back home about me moving back in the summer since SF isn't my bag, and then we were talking about college and classes together and I'm just like "...FUCK."


----------



## flint757

MFB said:


> That moment when you talk to an old friend all day and kick your own ass for not asking her out back when you had the chance. Yeah



Happened to me a couple times...the one time I regret I don't regret anymore because she got married, i would definitely not have been ready for something like that so no loss there.


----------



## Sicarius

yeah I don't think I'd be ready to settle down like that for a long time. I've seen a lot of my friends in the early 20s getting hitched, and I can't understand why they'd want to do that so early. 

Sure, you love someone a lot, and that's the next logical step in a relationship, but I don't think the maturity is there for anyone younger than 25-28. and even then, 25 is kind of a stretch for some people.


----------



## flint757

Sicarius said:


> yeah I don't think I'd be ready to settle down like that for a long time. I've seen a lot of my friends in the early 20s getting hitched, and I can't understand why they'd want to do that so early.
> 
> Sure, you love someone a lot, and that's the next logical step in a relationship, but I don't think the maturity is there for anyone younger than 25-28. and even then, 25 is kind of a stretch for some people.



I agree

My issue isn't even maturity, it's the fact that you haven't accomplished much or been to a lot of places usually at that at age either. Life can change your personality and if your perspective and personality change then chances are you won't like each other anymore. We don't take everything into account when younger...


----------



## Church2224

Well something unexpected happened today. 

In my biology class there is this really cute girl that sites at the table behind me. Past couple of times before class she has talked to me, mainly about basic stuff involving class. Well she had been gone for a few classes and she finally came back today, she was looking DAMN good too. When she walked by me today she patted my head and kind of smiled at me. Kind of strange as...well girls never do that to me. 

I don;t know, does this means something? Because it does...well I will be one happy man.


----------



## Konfyouzd

She's a girl. It could mean ANYTHING. 

"You're the nice dude thats gonna help me pass this class."

Or...

"I want your man meat."


----------



## leandroab

Konfyouzd said:


> She's a girl. It could mean ANYTHING.



Yeah don't get your hopes up. Like not a single bit hahaha.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

leandroab said:


> Yeah don't get your hopes up. Like not a single bit hahaha.



Wisdom.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Being too eager is bad. Seeming like you don't care--contrary to what TV says can bite you in the ass too. I've benn shot down by so many girls, proceeded to hang out in the friend zone for a few YEARS and still ended up with them. I love nothing more than being close friends w my woman but a lot of women seem a bit weirded out by this and leave for that reason but I did get em. 

The point is the best thing to do is be who you are and accept where it takes you. It always seems to turn out for the best in the end even if it doesn't start off looking good.


----------



## Fiction

Come back once she pats your cock. (metaphorically speaking )

Go hang out with her after class or something, try and fire up an interest from her.. Class is good for general greetings, but man, breaks are how you get laid.


----------



## squid-boy

I had sex today.











... with myself.


----------



## Church2224

Wow some good advice, and some advice that is just...

Seriously, though, I do get my hopes up in situations like this, which is why I hate these situations. It is rare that girls even talk to me or have any interest in me, let alone attractive ones. So when stuff like this happens, my mind goes "WOAH, Church wake the fuck up and pay attention!"

So basically, Should I just try to hang out with her after class or after school sometime? I mean if there is any chance, even if it is slim, I at least want to try to go for it.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Just keep talking to her more, if she shows genuine interest, then i'd ask her out to do something 



700 posts!!!


----------



## JosephAOI

So dudes, there's this beautiful girl in my class that's like everything I want in a girl (as far as I know her) but I keep getting goddamn mixed signals!! 

Like, we get along great in person. We joke around a lot and all and I think maybe (MAYBE) a little flirting with me. She didn't mention she had a boyfriend though until a few days of texting me (which is different than how we act in person in a not very good way) although she's only been with him for like a week or two. She doesn't know what I think of her yet and I'm still debating telling her. Not sure how she'd react at all since we've only been talking for like two weeks.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

you have only been talking to her for two weeks, she has a boyfriend, i'd hold off on telling her how your feeling for now man.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

^ Wisdom.


----------



## Fiction

Back the fuck out, I think we've all wasted some time in this situation. I lost a good 6 months and a few friendships went stale because of a similar scenario.


----------



## flint757

JosephAOI said:


> So dudes, there's this beautiful girl in my class that's like everything I want in a girl (as far as I know her) but I keep getting goddamn mixed signals!!
> 
> Like, we get along great in person. We joke around a lot and all and I think maybe (MAYBE) a little flirting with me. She didn't mention she had a boyfriend though until a few days of texting me (which is different than how we act in person in a not very good way) although she's only been with him for like a week or two. She doesn't know what I think of her yet and I'm still debating telling her. Not sure how she'd react at all since we've only been talking for like two weeks.





Fiction said:


> Back the fuck out, I think we've all wasted some time in this situation. I lost a good 6 months and a few friendships went stale because of a similar scenario.



Yup same here. She didn't tell me until I already knew her for a bit. It's to hook you into the friend zone. Girls like dude friends


----------



## Bekanor

"I've decided to give my ex another chance, sorry".


I fucking hate being me right now.


----------



## flint757

Bekanor said:


> "I've decided to give my ex another chance, sorry".
> 
> 
> I fucking hate being me right now.



Ya an all too familiar scenario. 

I think all women are cut from the same cloth...


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

There's only two things to complain about my girlfriend, she'll do something that pisses me off and when i tell her that it's making me mad, she flips out on me. But as soon as i act mad or upset she'll be like "what the hell is your problem?" ugh. Also, she just decides stuff on her own, which kinda freaks me out. Like, i'll get back from school and i'll get a text saying, i'm leaving to a movie in ten minutes, come if you want. And if i can't make it, i'm a dick. 
Other than that, i love her.  pretty much exactly like me, scarily similar.


----------



## Bekanor

flint757 said:


> Ya an all too familiar scenario.
> 
> I think all women are cut from the same cloth...



The good news is that I have now eliminated all potential dates in my current situation so I'll have time to recover before the next stiletto to the groin.


And thankfully it's an outcome that makes me mad, sounds weird to say I know but I can deal with anger a lot better than sadness.


----------



## Faine

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> There's only two things to complain about my girlfriend, she'll do something that pisses me off and when i tell her that it's making me mad, she flips out on me. But as soon as i act mad or upset she'll be like "what the hell is your problem?" ugh. Also, she just decides stuff on her own, which kinda freaks me out. Like, i'll get back from school and i'll get a text saying, i'm leaving to a movie in ten minutes, come if you want. And if i can't make it, i'm a dick.
> Other than that, i love her.  pretty much exactly like me, scarily similar.




Lol I couldnt deal with that. She's trying to be alpha and wear them PANTS. 
Why wouldnt she want to include you in watching that movie? And you're not allowed to tell her if something is bothering you?? Pftt


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

Konfyouzd said:


> She's a girl. It could mean ANYTHING.
> 
> "You're the nice dude thats gonna help me pass this class."
> 
> Or...
> 
> "I want your man meat."



QFT+sigged+repped




AngstRiddenDreams said:


> There's only two things to complain about my girlfriend, she'll do something that pisses me off and when i tell her that it's making me mad, she flips out on me. But as soon as i act mad or upset she'll be like "what the hell is your problem?" ugh. Also, she just decides stuff on her own, which kinda freaks me out. Like, i'll get back from school and i'll get a text saying, i'm leaving to a movie in ten minutes, come if you want. And if i can't make it, i'm a dick.
> Other than that, i love her.  pretty much exactly like me, scarily similar.



dude you're still ridin' high compared to us


----------



## Sicarius

flint757 said:


> Ya an all too familiar scenario.
> 
> I think all women are cut from the same cloth...


I call it Crazy Cashmere

'cause they're crazy as shit, but oh so soft to the touch.

You are all welcome to join my foreveralone.club.

'cause sometimes it really is a choice.


----------



## flint757

Sicarius said:


> I call it Crazy Cashmere
> 
> 'cause they're crazy as shit, but oh so soft to the touch.
> 
> You are all welcome to join my foreveralone.club.
> 
> 'cause sometimes it really is a choice.



At the moment I'm not pursuing a relationship and I'd actually probably turn away anyone who tried too. Too much shit happening right now for that kind of drama . That and I'm broke as fuck after spending a couple thousand on some gear.


----------



## Sicarius

Yeah, I'm just perpetually broke, so it kind of sucks trying to go out.

I'm glad I can at least afford to buy myself lunch at the Indian place out in The Woodlands.


----------



## Bekanor

Well how about that, I'm pretty much over yesterday's bombshell of turds. 

Good thing I decided to keep looking around when the first red flag was raised because I spent last night chatting with 2 cute girls and am organising a date with one of them for Friday. 

I also attribute this positive change to a big box of nerds candy and Ip Man 2.


----------



## Sicarius

I find the strawberry nerds to brighten my day.


----------



## Bekanor

It's a big box of "rainbow" nerds, which I interpret as being a whole bunch of different flavours shoved into one box. 

Fantastic.


----------



## sevenstringj

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> Also, she just decides stuff on her own, which kinda freaks me out. Like, i'll get back from school and i'll get a text saying, i'm leaving to a movie in ten minutes, come if you want. And if i can't make it, i'm a dick.



That reminds me of...


----------



## Murmel

Gonna try and get to know a semi-aquaintance a bit better.. She is totally super pretty with the most gorgeous eyes ever. And she's a dancer, and is super cool from what I've heard from her friends (which I am very good friends with). I've only met her briefly a few times so far.


----------



## Atomshipped

Kissed a girl for the first time on monday (I'm 15 lol) lol. That was pretty nice. We've been talking for around 10 months and are obviously taking things pretty slow.


----------



## tacotiklah

Careful Atom, first kiss leads to cooties. And possible alimony payments....





 j/k, congrats man...


----------



## tacotiklah

Good tip: Just because a girl is flirting with you, does NOT necessarily mean that she likes you. Some women just like to flirt and fuck with you.


----------



## MFB

Ran into a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in a few weeks, and she suggested we have lunch before class some day. I've never been sure about her since I can't tell if she's just flirty or nice, but I'm not gonna get into anything where I'm only gonna be in Cali for another 3 months.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

ghstofperdition said:


> Careful Atom, first kiss leads to cuties. And possible alimony payments....
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> j/k, congrats man...


or an inflamed throat that makes it hard to talk and and eating painful.


----------



## Sicarius

Fuckin' Mono.

Found out the girl from the Fitness office is married at 22. But, she and her husband had been dating for 8 years, and you really don't hear about that coming out of high schools anymore, so that's pretty cool.

I've been going to our health science building a lot lately to set up a phone for conferences that've been going on before the summer break. So I get to talk to the office receptionist for a few minutes.

She's a cute middle eastern girl, she's not super thin like a couple of the Indian girls from another of our buildings that work out religiously (one of them is at the gym 5-6 days a week. It shows, and she's really attractive, but that just seems excessive :/)

But anyway, the receptionist. We talked yesterday about ice cream, and now I want to go to a Marble Slab with her...


----------



## flint757

MFB said:


> Ran into a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in a few weeks, and she suggested we have lunch before class some day. I've never been sure about her since I can't tell if she's just flirty or nice, but I'm not gonna get into anything where I'm only gonna be in Cali for another 3 months.



Meh go for it. There is always room for excuses and relationships don't always last anyways. It isn't like it wouldn't be fun and to your advantage anyways.



Sicarius said:


> Fuckin' Mono.
> 
> Found out the girl from the Fitness office is married at 22. But, she and her husband had been dating for 8 years, and you really don't hear about that coming out of high schools anymore, so that's pretty cool.
> 
> I've been going to our health science building a lot lately to set up a phone for conferences that've been going on before the summer break. So I get to talk to the office receptionist for a few minutes.
> 
> She's a cute middle eastern girl, she's not super thin like a couple of the Indian girls from another of our buildings that work out religiously (one of them is at the gym 5-6 days a week. It shows, and she's really attractive, but that just seems excessive :/)
> 
> But anyway, the receptionist. We talked yesterday about ice cream, and now I want to go to a Marble Slab with her...



Ya I actually know a few women who did that. They are very insecure and it had nothing to do with love (comfortable and afraid of change).


----------



## Atomshipped

ghstofperdition said:


> Careful Atom, first kiss leads to cooties. And possible alimony payments....


 


Dan_Vacant said:


> or an inflamed throat that makes it hard to talk and and eating painful.


 Luckily I haven't experienced either of those yet


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Atomshipped said:


> Luckily I haven't experienced either of those yet


I was your age when it happened so be very careful wear a condom for kissing don't ask how just do it!! Or it may just have been the girl I was hanging with at that time got around... idk I like my save idea.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

^also, dont go down on a girl after eating a big meal of chicken tikka masala. she will not be happy.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

^ How to get back at an ex. Eat her out with tabasco.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

^ also don't pee in her...


----------



## UnderTheSign

ghstofperdition said:


> Good tip: Just because a girl is flirting with you, does NOT necessarily mean that she likes you. Some women just like to flirt and fuck with you.


Not just women.


----------



## Murmel

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> ^ How to get back at an ex. Eat her out with tabasco.



I've also heard that recieving a BJ from someone sucking on a Fisherman's Friend is rather painful.


----------



## The Reverend

Dan_Vacant said:


> ^ also don't pee in her...




Well... you know... 







It's physically possible, and probably normal, I'm sure.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

^ I got it from my dad's friend he looked at his wife and said "can I pee in you?" even though she said no I'm sure she meant yes, becasue as we know women are cryptic.


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

I don't have relationship issues, my girlfriend is awesome.


----------



## highlordmugfug

Another cheating girlfriend dumped HARD - YouTube

This is fucking brutal.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPnZiiA0-co

www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCecVukMJAw



www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1yRM95-LiE


----------



## flint757

highlordmugfug said:


> Another cheating girlfriend dumped HARD - YouTube
> 
> This is fucking brutal.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Wife busted on radio by husband over love affair with the boss - YouTube
> 
> 
> 
> Danny Dumps: Ben - YouTube




Those were hilarious. It's a shame most of those are scripted, but still funny either way...


----------



## trianglebutt

highlordmugfug said:


> Another cheating girlfriend dumped HARD - YouTube
> 
> This is fucking brutal.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Wife busted on radio by husband over love affair with the boss - YouTube
> 
> 
> 
> Danny Dumps: Ben - YouTube




Muhahaha, the first one is brilliant.


----------



## Faine

^ dude, Danny's the shit. I'm sittin here watchin the rest of them. DAMN hes good.


----------



## MFB

My eyes have been opened, and always be sure to ask your ladies this infamous question gentlemen


----------



## Faine

^ MMM DAT SHITS ON FI-UH


----------



## AnarchyDivine88

That Danny Dumps guys is my new hero!

And that "fried or fertilized" song  so much awesome.


----------



## Bekanor

I have a date tonight with a cute blonde girl I met online.

Pizza on the beach, should be fun.


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

Bekanor said:


> I have a date tonight with a cute blonde girl I met online.
> 
> Pizza on the beach, should be fun.



Nice one. Tell us how it goes.


----------



## leandroab

Bekanor said:


> I have a date tonight with a cute blonde girl I met online.
> 
> Pizza on the beach, should be fun.



Let's hope she doesn't turn to be a 40 yo fat male with a mustache and a hatchet... 

As far as relationships go. I'm still dating the same girl and I think we're going strong!


----------



## Faine




----------



## Faine

Bekanor said:


> I have a date tonight with a cute blonde girl I met online.
> 
> Pizza on the beach, should be fun.



niceee. Dont get sand on the pizza! haha.


----------



## tacotiklah

Faine said:


> niceee. Dont get sand on the pizza! haha.



Trying to work out if this is some kind of innuendo...


----------



## MFB

He'll be getting his sand all over her pizza, if you catch my drift


----------



## Faine

^schwing!


----------



## tacotiklah

UnderTheSign said:


> Not just women.



Good point. Regarding men:
Just because he slept with you doesn't always mean that he likes you. He just has zero control over his dick and wasn't thinking clearly at the moment...


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

So I have some good news. I offered to teach my girlfriend the guitar, and she seemed pretty excited about it. Hopefully I can convince her to buy a 7-string, so she can play the songs for the band we're in for fun. In which she sings and I play the guitar. But yeah. Should be a good time, especially since she is a fast learner.


----------



## MFB

*Insert G-string and girl guitarist joke here*


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

^  I love this thread, so god damn funny at times.


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

Lol I know, I come here when I'm tired and slap-happy, and laugh so loud I wake the whole house up.


----------



## leandroab

So, moral dilemma here:

My uncle GAVE me an iphone 3G (the very,very old model) because it was collecting dust in a cabinet somewhere in his house. I already have one, so pretty much the same thing will happen with it here. I won't just sell it because it's not worth it and the money is not that good. So I was thinking this; the girl I'm dating has a birthday coming up in May. Her family doesn't have that much money and her cellphone is kinda struggling to live . She kinda always wanted an iphone, so I figured I would give one to her as a birthday gift. Mind you it's an used iphone 3G, it's not the best smartphone in the world, but it's way better than hers and it has a shiny apple behind it!!!

Now, do you guys think I should do it? Do you think I should keep it and sell it? Do you think she or her parents will reject it ("oh I can't accept such a gift, this is expensive, blablabla"?). I'm trying to find a rational solution, because I'm semi-blinded by love and I'm inclined towards giving it to her, since I'm such a good guy. I really like her! 

Opinions welcomed!


----------



## Thrashmanzac

tell her you got it for free, give it to her, then buy her a real birthday present you cheapskate!


----------



## tacotiklah

+1

Although if my bf gave me something like an iphone, I'd be completely ecstatic. She'll love it dude!


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Sounds like a pretty good gift to me, regardless of where/how you got it.


----------



## BlindingLight7




----------



## Faine

Kinda relevant song?


----------



## leandroab

Thrashmanzac said:


> ...buy her a real birthday present you cheapskate!



I get what you're saying, but if someone actually gave me an iphone (even though it's used) I would literally cry. I'm pretty sure that's a "real" birthday present.


----------



## flint757

leandroab said:


> I get what you're saying, but if someone actually gave me an iphone (even though it's used) I would literally cry. I'm pretty sure that's a "real" birthday present.



I think they just meant you need to spend money. 

Especially if you tell her it was given to you. Not all women are rational about gifts (ie just because it was free it is still awesome) many still get offended so tread lightly.


----------



## leandroab

flint757 said:


> I think they just meant you need to spend money.
> 
> Especially if you tell her it was given to you. Not all women are rational about gifts (ie just because it was free it is still awesome) many still get offended so tread lightly.



Ok now... What should I do? Tell her I bought it used for her? I think that would be worse lol.


----------



## Faine

Thrashmanzac said:


> tell her you got it for free, give it to her, then buy her a real birthday present you cheapskate!



This. Like an Itunes gift card or something along with it? maybe an otter box?


----------



## MFB

Give her the phone, then give her a solid ass case to keep it safe as the real gift from you


----------



## flint757

leandroab said:


> Ok now... What should I do? Tell her I bought it used for her? I think that would be worse lol.





Faine said:


> This. Like an Itunes gift card or something along with it? maybe an otter box?





MFB said:


> Give her the phone, then give her a solid ass case to keep it safe as the real gift from you



Any one of these would do. She may be fine too I don't know her. 

Use your best judgement, all I can say is more will pretty much always be the safer choice. You can tell her it was free, but spend a few bucks on something to go with it.


----------



## Sicarius

tomorrow I get to install a conference phone in the Health Science building at work again.

This means I get to talk to the awesome receptionist.

It's the little things that brighten my day. Maybe I'll see if she wants to go to the candy store nearby. (No, really, there's a candy store down the road from the college. It's awesome.)


----------



## ASoC

ok so, I know this girl at my school who's really pretty and shes great blah blah blah I wont bore you with it. The point is I've liked her since I met her (almost 2 years ago) and she hit me up one day like a month ago and started being all flirty. Needless to say, I got very excited and played along, fast forward a few days and we go on a date and I get some. With anyone else at my school that would've been enough, but I really like this girl and I wanted a relationship.

So about 2 weeks go by and we've been treating each other like its a relationship (although trying to keep it a bit hush hush) and we go out on a few more dates. Suddenly, she hits me up with a bunch of texts that shes under to much stress right now and that she cant do a relationship and we should take a break, etc. She said she had really strong feelings for me and that shes sorry and that maybe later in the year when shes under less stress we can try again. She asked me to still be her friend, but now she wont even wave when I see her in the hall.

So, my question to you is, what do I do? I never properly explained to her just how crazy I am about her, but I dont want to come off as creepy. So do I just give her space? Do you think she was serious about giving me a chance later? Or did I just get played? I'd really appreciate some help with this as I'm lost and I don't know whether to move on or wait


----------



## flint757

ASoC said:


> ok so, I know this girl at my school who's really pretty and shes great blah blah blah I wont bore you with it. The point is I've liked her since I met her (almost 2 years ago) and she hit me up one day like a month ago and started being all flirty. Needless to say, I got very excited and played along, fast forward a few days and we go on a date and I get some. With anyone else at my school that would've been enough, but I really like this girl and I wanted a relationship.
> 
> So about 2 weeks go by and we've been treating each other like its a relationship (although trying to keep it a bit hush hush) and we go out on a few more dates. Suddenly, she hits me up with a bunch of texts that shes under to much stress right now and that she cant do a relationship and we should take a break, etc. She said she had really strong feelings for me and that shes sorry and that maybe later in the year when shes under less stress we can try again. She asked me to still be her friend, but now she wont even wave when I see her in the hall.
> 
> So, my question to you is, what do I do? I never properly explained to her just how crazy I am about her, but I dont want to come off as creepy. So do I just give her space? Do you think she was serious about giving me a chance later? Or did I just get played? I'd really appreciate some help with this as I'm lost and I don't know whether to move on or wait



I'd leave her be. It is possible you've been played in which case let her go, but if you didn't then she legitimately needs space. All I can say is my ex that I blew off and said lets be friends I avoided like the plague too so it is up in the air. Not sure what you should do, if you think pushing will work with her personality go for it, but that could also make things worse.

Ain't I helpful


----------



## tacotiklah

While women won't admit to it, they do booty calls too. It sounds like you were hers. Sorry dude....


----------



## The Reverend

So...

There's this girl I've been friends with for *years*. I intentionally put myself in the friend-zone with her, because that's what I do. A man can't have dozens of girls interested in him, you know? Anyway, I've helped through literally every major relationship she's had in the past five years, and suddenly she's telling me, quite literally, that she wants to have sex with me and my "muscley [sic] arms." It's been too long for her to be on the rebound, yet I find myself feeling wrong about it. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to take her to bed, I just don't know why she choose now to decisively take action. 

Any advice?


----------



## tacotiklah

Think about the situation with the correct head. Would you rather keep her as a good friend? Sex can change things. Sometimes permanently. 

If you don't care either way and you both are down for it, then go for it. But if you hold any major attachment to the friend side of things and don't wanna sleep with her outside of anything more than a quick lay, I'd say pass. Good friends are hard to find these days...


----------



## ASoC

ghstofperdition said:


> While women won't admit to it, they do booty calls too. It sounds like you were hers. Sorry dude....


 
My head says that is the obvious and most likely answer, but for some reason I can't get over it. She really means a lot to me and the couple weeks we were "together" I felt really happy. Like I only normally feel that good when I perform or when I'm snowboarding and shit like that. 

It's pretty obvious to me that I want her and only her, I can't stop thinking about her, I've been having dreams about her (not at all sexual) 
The biggest indicator to me is that (even though I'm stubborn and proud and I never give second chances) I know if she asked I would give her all the chances she could ever want... I guess my only option is to wait it out and hope things go my way


----------



## flint757

ASoC said:


> My head says that is the obvious and most likely answer, but for some reason I can't get over it. She really means a lot to me and the couple weeks we were "together" I felt really happy. Like I only normally feel that good when I perform or when I'm snowboarding and shit like that.
> 
> It's pretty obvious to me that I want her and only her, I can't stop thinking about her, I've been having dreams about her (not at all sexual)
> The biggest indicator to me is that (even though I'm stubborn and proud and I never give second chances) I know if she asked I would give her all the chances she could ever want... I guess my only option is to wait it out and hope things go my way



Well its the length of your relationship that makes me think it isn't a booty call having said that she could have wanted to end things without bloodshed. That is more what I meant. Or she needs time, if she comes back down the road you'll have your answer. You should push talking to her though, not about the relationship, but if you're that serious about her don't let her forget you either ya know...


----------



## Faine

ASoC said:


> So about 2 weeks go by and we've been treating each other like its a relationship (although trying to keep it a bit hush hush) and we go out on a few more dates. Suddenly, she hits me up with a bunch of texts that shes under to much stress right now and that she cant do a relationship and we should take a break, etc. She said she had really strong feelings for me and that shes sorry and that maybe later in the year when shes under less stress we can try again. She asked me to still be her friend, but now she wont even wave when I see her in the hall.



From experience and that happening with my friends and stuff I've found that they're usually lying about something. Either they're still hung up on someone else or they simply like you better as a friend and didn't like how it felt being more than that.


----------



## tacotiklah

ASoC said:


> My head says that is the obvious and most likely answer, but for some reason I can't get over it. She really means a lot to me and the couple weeks we were "together" I felt really happy. Like I only normally feel that good when I perform or when I'm snowboarding and shit like that.
> 
> It's pretty obvious to me that I want her and only her, I can't stop thinking about her, I've been having dreams about her (not at all sexual)
> The biggest indicator to me is that (even though I'm stubborn and proud and I never give second chances) *I know if she asked I would give her all the chances she could ever want... I *guess my only option is to wait it out and hope things go my way



Embolden part raises major red flags. NEVER let a girl walk all over you like that, I don't care HOW amazing she might be. Nothing good will ever come out of it, and is one of the many things that will friend-zone you for life. If a girl treats you like shit, stand up for yourself. Don't give her 98704109801273894710892 chances to keep fucking you over. Learn after the first or second time and women will come to respect you more.

And yeah I probably should've added yes it sounds like a booty call to me, but she tried to take it a step further by feeling out the possibility of a relationship and got cold feet. I think it's kinda fucked up personally, because there's no excuse for leading a person on like that, but it sounds to me like she values your friendship over a relationship.

Being hung up on somebody else is also a good possibility. Believe me, you don't want a girl with that kind of emotional baggage. It will always make you feel like second-choice/secondhand. Nobody wants to feel like the goodwill of boyfriends/girlfriends.

I say keep an open door, but just let the infatuation die out a bit and move on. If she get her shit sorted out about what she wants, then maybe pursue something. But right now it sounds like she has no clue and is trampling on your emotions in the process.


----------



## Nyx Erebos

ASoC said:


> So, my question to you is, what do I do? I never properly explained to her just how crazy I am about her, but I dont want to come off as creepy. So do I just give her space? Do you think she was serious about giving me a chance later? Or did I just get played? I'd really appreciate some help with this as I'm lost and I don't know whether to move on or wait



The only relationships I have are with me myself and I (yeah I enjoy my schizophrenia) so I don't know if my advice are worth listening to but I think you should make it clear that you love her. Not singing in a baryton voice how much you're crazy about her but just calmly say how you feel and that you will wait for her answer. I'm maybe too much a romantic but if you really love her you should wait for her answer.

Edit : I didn't see the world school, if you're young I don't really know if these are good advice, you should do what you think will make you happy at the moment and have no regrets later (yes I know it's very helpful).


----------



## flint757

Nyx Erebos said:


> The only relationships I have are with me myself and I (yeah I enjoy my schizophrenia) so I don't know if my advice are worth listening to but I think you should make it clear that you love her. Not singing in a baryton voice how much you're crazy about her but just calmly say how you feel and that you will wait for her answer. I'm maybe too much a romantic but if you really love her you should wait for her answer.
> 
> Edit : I didn't see the world school, if you're young I don't really know if these are good advice, you should do what you think will make you happy at the moment and have no regrets later (yes I know it's very helpful).



This. To an extent.

If you feel like walking away is a bad idea it will always eat at the back of your mind, but if you take a chance and fail well you know you tried and the nagging feeling will go away. If you decide to pursue just don't go overboard women don't like clingy or the word love before someone has really dated for awhile. (unless junior high then it seems like EVERYBODY is in love ).


----------



## Ocean_Ashes

Just out of curiosity: when did you guys start dating? I never have and i´m 19 now. I´m suspecting that a lot of my friends are starting to think i´m weird


----------



## flint757

Ocean_Ashes said:


> Just out of curiosity: when did you guys start dating? I never have and i´m 19 now. I´m suspecting that a lot of my friends are starting to think i´m weird



I dated from 12-14 and then again when I was 19 and now I just don't have the time anymore, from 14-18 though I didn't date at all...nothing weird about it, but people do seem to think it is weird


----------



## Murmel

Hung out with earlier mentioned girl and 2 other female friends of mine (they kinda hooked us up.. ) last night.
Fuck, was a long time since I clicked this good with anyone, had a great time. She seemed geniunely interested in me too. It doesn't make matters worse that she has the highest possible grades, is a dancer with an awesome body and a great face. Not to mention she's a movie freak, likes music and can actually discuss things that doesn't interest her directly. The latter I've had trouble finding girls who can do.

Hopefully I won't fuck it up this time, like I have the past 2 times..


----------



## BucketheadRules

Ocean_Ashes said:


> Just out of curiosity: when did you guys start dating? I never have and i´m 19 now. I´m suspecting that a lot of my friends are starting to think i´m weird



17 at the end of this month, never have. Never had a girlfriend either.

foreveralone.jpg


----------



## Murmel

^
18 in 2 months. Exactly the same boat as you, just even more forever alone because I'm a year older 
I don't really have any problem talking to girls, I just have a problem in general with hanging out with people. I always get nervous as hell before and overthink, even though things usually turn just fine in the end.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Don't worry about it, guys. I got an early start at things (I wouldn't say dating, but you know) when I was 13 or 14. After that, I didn't get much more than a kiss until I was around... 18 or 19 maybe? I was worried for a bit too, but these days my problems are definitely not due to a _lack_ of women. Some people just need a little more time to grow into the dating game and their sex lives . If it's any consolation, sometimes I really miss how simple things used to be


----------



## Murmel

^
I agree that you shouldn't worry about it. I don't really. I just get frustrated with myself when I fuck things over all the time and don't take any chances


----------



## Konfyouzd

JeffFromMtl said:


> Don't worry about it, guys. I got an early start at things (I wouldn't say dating, but you know) when I was 13 or 14. After that, I didn't get much more than a kiss until I was around... 18 or 19 maybe? I was worried for a bit too, but these days my problems are definitely not due to a _lack_ of women. Some people just need a little more time to grow into the dating game and their sex lives . If it's any consolation, sometimes I really miss how simple things used to be



QFT


----------



## canuck brian

I started dating at 17. I was in a 12 year relationship from 21 - 33. :\


----------



## Konfyouzd

Damn son... I don't think I ever really started dating... I just randomly end up with a girlfriend every so often... It's been 7 years since the last one this time and every time I consider going after one I think about how much I'll miss being able to spend my $$$ on whatever I want (guitars) all the time. I have an addiction.


----------



## Mexi

I got my first girlfriend when I was 15 and that lasted a little over a year, and look back and realize that was a pretty mature relationship for our age (my gf at the time was going through a lot of difficult family problems) but since then I've only had casual and passing flings when I was 18 and 21 that never really qualified as a real girlfriend. Though this is probably because I cared more about getting fucked up with my friends or jamming with my band or being stressed out from university shit that I didn't think I could deal the the stress of a relationship.

25 now, certainly trying to get back into the game, lots of my friends are single too so it doesn't feel like I'm the odd one out. on the other hand, I have other friends that are married and have kids so I do feel that I didn't quite take advantage of my late teens and early 20s to develop strong relationship skills. I'm not all hung up over it, cause I have a few friends who are women that say they wish they knew someone to set me up with (so I know that I'm not socially inept or hideously ugly) but I have more pressing priorities (getting grad school done, and finding employment in the interim) but I do long for that honest companionship more than a purely physical relationship at this point, not to say I won't find someone in that time, but I've realized that I need to be more proactive if I really want it that much.


----------



## zakattak192

Turned 19 like 2 weeks ago, got my first girlfriend like 2 days after I turned 17, that lasted 3 months. Haven't had one since. Not that I haven't tried to get a girlfriend. I have. I think it's just the fact that girls don't like fat guys in death metal bands.







Pic related. It's me.


----------



## avenger

I was far to occupied with hallucinogens to bother with women in my early teens. That said there were a few *experiences* in those days, I think I got a regular bang buddy round 20 and its been all downhill since then.


----------



## Ocean_Ashes

Ok, it´s good to hear im not completely alone in this then 
Anyway, I dont really meet a lot of girls. I already have trouble having a non-awkward conversation with people I dont know (I know a lot of my buddies since elementary school), let alone with girls I don´t know. 

At least I still have my dinky


----------



## tacotiklah

JeffFromMtl said:


> Don't worry about it, guys. I got an early start at things (I wouldn't say dating, but you know) when I was 13 or 14. After that, I didn't get much more than a kiss until I was around... 18 or 19 maybe? I was worried for a bit too, but these days my problems are definitely not due to a _lack_ of women. Some people just need a little more time to grow into the dating game and their sex lives . If it's any consolation, sometimes I really miss how simple things used to be



Jeff is the king right here! Granted I first fooled around with a girl at an early age (10) and had full on sex at 16, but as far as an LTR, I never had one until I was 20 and in college. It was usually just 2-3 day "flings" I guess. 

Nowadays (for obvious reasons) it's harder for me to find girls to be attracted to me, but guys have no problem going for it. 

Just be yourself, whatever that happens to be, and you'll find people that are attracted to you for you. 

Edit:
Sweet, my bf is on his way over and I couldn't be happier. Here's to hoping for cuddling and hot sex.


----------



## leandroab

Murmel said:


> Hopefully I won't fuck it up this time, like I have the past 2 times..



Just wait till you find she's a lesbian


----------



## Faine

leandroab said:


> Just wait till you find she's a lesbian



Or this.


----------



## Murmel

^
She's fucking ace at tucking her fat in that case


----------



## MitchellJBurgess

My first serious relationship lasted about a year, she went into a mental hospital and went a little crazy. I'm not even joking, she started seeing things and screaming consistently all night and day, she stopped talking and she got a little too much attention. 
Now she's out and she's an absolutely terrible person...
Gossips constantly, whinges if she doesn't get attention etc.

A while after that I got a new girlfriend, she was awesome, week later she thought it'd be pretty cool to suck somebody else off...

My next girlfriend was this started September 12 and lasted 7 months.
I was completely inlove and I treated her amazingly!
Like, I sacrificed so much time for that girl.
Then she got bored
Told me I'm boring and that she knows she can do better.

So basically, my girl experience has been terrible!

But now, new school because I've moved to Port Macquarie and there is a girl I've talked to a few times, she's absolutely gorgeous, plays guitar, sings and rides horses.
So I say there's still hope!


----------



## soliloquy

Ocean_Ashes said:


> Just out of curiosity: when did you guys start dating? I never have and i´m 19 now. I´m suspecting that a lot of my friends are starting to think i´m weird



started dating at 20. led to a 4 year relationship, and its still going strong.

and i personally wasn't interested in dating prior to that, nor was i interested in dating even after that point. i just went out on a date with this friend of mine coz all our other friends were forcing us into it. so i said 'whats the worst that can happen?'

before that, a lot of girls were interested in me, and did try throwing themselves at me. i usually either friend-zoned them, or on purpose became their shrink (weird habit of mine, i like helping people).

sure, in doing so, i hurt a few people, but i rather keep friends friends and not fuck things up with them.


----------



## JosephAOI

So, I lost my virginity yesterday. It was pretty awesome, nothing awkward about it, completely great, except it was in the back of my girlfriends old ass cadillac 

YOLO? 

EDIT: while listening to Coheed And Cambria 
And afterwards, we both felt like pizza, so on the way to get it, she put on the 'I just had sex' song  keeper!!


----------



## Faine

CADILLAC WACK!


----------



## Thrashmanzac

that fucking rocks man, congrats!


----------



## ASoC

JosephAOI said:


> So, I lost my virginity yesterday. It was pretty awesome, nothing awkward about it, completely great, except it was in the back of my girlfriends old ass cadillac
> 
> YOLO?
> 
> EDIT: while listening to Coheed And Cambria
> And afterwards, we both felt like pizza, so on the way to get it, she put on the 'I just had sex' song  keeper!!


 
Nice job 

I think the coolest girl I was ever with got it on in my car while AAL was playing. It was interesting because she knew what she was doing and there was awesome music to listen to as well.

Also, I started dating at 14. I got into a relationship that lasted 14 months (starting when I was 15) and then she just got with some other dude. We don't speak anymore and my dating life has been on and off since then. Normally I just give girls (who already meet my standards) somewhat of a chance and we see how things go from there. Its worked alright for me so far. I normally don't try very hard to be with people (other than my situation with this girl that I'm nuts over) and I just let them come to me. 

My band and my guitar come first (usually )


----------



## GhostsofAcid

Alright great oracles of SSO, i require your advice...

So after about a month of talking and a few dates, the girl I'm with and I decided to officially be together about two weeks ago. She's super gung ho about it, and pretty much initiated the relationship herself, which since i'm a bit of an introvert is how all of mine start. Things are going pretty well, blah blah blah, fast forward to this weekend, during which she goes to stay with a relative...

As she's there she begins to get a little more distant and we talk less, and when we do it's usually about a (male) friend she has there. I was vaguely aware from mutual friends that there was someone she still had feelings for (and a history with) there, but we'd never discussed this and i'd never put two and two together. Her distance starts to gnaw at me until against my better judgement i ask her about it. We get into a bit of an argument and she brings this person up. They indeed have a history, and are now apparently just good friends. She admits that previous relationships have ended because of this person, and that she doesn't let people she's dating get between them. I'm not completely sure if i can trust her, as i know she's slept with him in the past. It seems obvious to me she still has feelings for this person.

My question is this, SSO... wat do? It seems my options are:

1. Accept that at this point i'm essentially playing second fiddle in this girl's heart, and hope that with time she prefers me,

2. Drive the several hours to the guy's house and shit on his lawn, or

3. Deem this amount of baggage to be too much and end the relationship.

Help me SSO! You're my only hope!


----------



## flint757

GhostsofAcid said:


> Alright great oracles of SSO, i require your advice...
> 
> So after about a month of talking and a few dates, the girl I'm with and I decided to officially be together about two weeks ago. She's super gung ho about it, and pretty much initiated the relationship herself, which since i'm a bit of an introvert is how all of mine start. Things are going pretty well, blah blah blah, fast forward to this weekend, during which she goes to stay with a relative...
> 
> As she's there she begins to get a little more distant and we talk less, and when we do it's usually about a (male) friend she has there. I was vaguely aware from mutual friends that there was someone she still had feelings for (and a history with) there, but we'd never discussed this and i'd never put two and two together. Her distance starts to gnaw at me until against my better judgement i ask her about it. We get into a bit of an argument and she brings this person up. They indeed have a history, and are now apparently just good friends. She admits that previous relationships have ended because of this person, and that she doesn't let people she's dating get between them. I'm not completely sure if i can trust her, as i know she's slept with him in the past. It seems obvious to me she still has feelings for this person.
> 
> My question is this, SSO... wat do? It seems my options are:
> 
> 1. Accept that at this point i'm essentially playing second fiddle in this girl's heart, and hope that with time she prefers me,
> 
> 2. Drive the several hours to the guy's house and shit on his lawn, or
> 
> 3. Deem this amount of baggage to be too much and end the relationship.
> 
> Help me SSO! You're my only hope!



I know girls just like this and I don't know if you will be able to turn that off, but it is risky business for sure. It sounds like she avoids talking about it with people by blowing up and if it ended past relationships, they were in a relationship and she got distant she has no right to blow up or dominate the conversation. Don't let her dominate that conversation, she is the one on trial so to speak especially since the nearer she is to him the more distant she was with you which speaks volumes about their friendship. I had a girl who by her definition we were just friends (in all contexts) and we did more than I would have allowed a "friend" to do if I was dating her. (not sex, but still) I don't know if this is good advice use your best judgement because if it is too touchy you may not have to end it, she will. She'll say you don't trust her, dump you and the do exactly what you accused her of.  In either case just don't let her walk over you. If it bothers you do something about it.

Again take advice at own will. I don't want to be responsible for breaking someone up.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

^this is good advice. i have a girl that i am "just friends" with, but we have a sexual history, and because of that sexual history there seems to be a lingering sexual tension between us. id say if this girl cant talk to you openly and calmly about her relationship with this friend, then i would take that as a pretty warning.


----------



## flint757

Thrashmanzac said:


> ^this is good advice. i have a girl that i am "just friends" with, but we have a sexual history, and because of that sexual history there seems to be a lingering sexual tension between us. id say if this girl cant talk to you openly and calmly about her relationship with this friend, then i would take that as a pretty warning.



Ya that is basically what I was trying to say. She should be able to be open about it and if she can't then there is a reason and most aren't good reasons on your side it least.

[EDIT]
Then again bitches be crazy


----------



## GhostsofAcid

+rep for the advice 

So this morning when we were both less emotional i decided to have a talk with her about it... I basically told her that i care about her but wasn't willing to be second in importance to another guy. She seems to have sided with me for now, and regrets that things with this friend went as far as they did (turns out they were only together once, while intoxicated, and it was almost a year ago before i even knew her). For better or worse, i'm going to trust her. Things are awkward as shit between us now though, and this has set our relationship back a bit, although i think in the long run this was a positive because otherwise it would have always been present in the back of my mind if i never asked her about it. Fun drama is fun


----------



## MFB

I would say if it's ruined past relationships for her, then stay away cause who's to say it won't happen again; and it sounds like it already is happening since you said she was gung-ho about it and now it's what - 2 weeks later and she's becoming distant? That's not how things work, and in this scenario I can't help but feel like he might not necessarily be making the problem, but at least adding to it


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

So, as some of you may know already, I'm stuck in a South Korean hospital. It sucks in general, since it's pretty lonely due to the language barrier and the I'm pretty stressed out from the physical and mental (and financial) drain of being hospitalized, _BUT_ there's not a single ugly nurse to be seen. Every one of them is at least normal looking, and a good percentage of them are fair to hot. One of them in particular is around my age (she said she's older, but I don't know by how much) and speaks English reasonably well. As soon as I find out whether or not she's single, I'm going to ask her if she wants to go get coffee or dinner or something some time.

Wish me luck, SSO. I'm going to need it.


----------



## soliloquy

/\ you'll do fine
and at the same time, asian women usually dont age until they hit about 45ish-55ish.
the day after they turn, they turn into short lil butch creatures. anything earlier, and they usually are hot


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Holy shit Soliloguy, that's the funniest thing i've heard all day.


----------



## glassmoon0fo




----------



## flint757

glassmoon0fo said:


>



Speaks the truth


----------



## Sicarius

GhostsofAcid said:


> Alright great oracles of SSO, i require your advice...
> 
> So after about a month of talking and a few dates, the girl I'm with and I decided to officially be together about two weeks ago. She's super gung ho about it, and pretty much initiated the relationship herself, which since i'm a bit of an introvert is how all of mine start. Things are going pretty well, blah blah blah, fast forward to this weekend, during which she goes to stay with a relative...
> 
> As she's there she begins to get a little more distant and we talk less, and when we do it's usually about a (male) friend she has there. I was vaguely aware from mutual friends that there was someone she still had feelings for (and a history with) there, but we'd never discussed this and i'd never put two and two together. Her distance starts to gnaw at me until against my better judgement i ask her about it. We get into a bit of an argument and she brings this person up. They indeed have a history, and are now apparently just good friends. She admits that previous relationships have ended because of this person, and that she doesn't let people she's dating get between them. I'm not completely sure if i can trust her, as i know she's slept with him in the past. It seems obvious to me she still has feelings for this person.
> 
> My question is this, SSO... wat do? It seems my options are:
> 
> 1. Accept that at this point i'm essentially playing second fiddle in this girl's heart, and hope that with time she prefers me,
> 
> 2. Drive the several hours to the guy's house and shit on his lawn, or
> 
> 3. Deem this amount of baggage to be too much and end the relationship.
> 
> Help me SSO! You're my only hope!


1) How old is she?

2) If she's under 23, tell her she needs to make a decision, either to continue with the relationship you two have started together, or to go back to the other guy.

if she's over 23, tell her to stop being a child, and go shit on the dude's lawn, then her lawn.

and I'm late to the party.

You can still shit on the dude's lawn, though?


----------



## flint757

^^

Where'd you get 23 out of curiosity??


----------



## MFB

IIRC, 23 is the age the brain is fully developed isn't it? Doesn't necessarily mean hers will be logical as well, just fully developed and SHOULD be properly working to make decision like that.


----------



## flint757

MFB said:


> IIRC, 23 is the age the brain is fully developed isn't it? Doesn't necessarily mean hers will be logical as well, just fully developed and SHOULD be properly working to make decision like that.



Makes sense. Logic doesn't enter the equation when someone is trying to dodge guilt though...


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

OK, update + question: 

Today I talked a bit with another nurse, who is impossibly cute, and she said she's been studying English at home so she can talk to me when she comes to work. So that leads to the following dilemma: Do I keep with my plans to ask out the cute nurse who's older than me and speaks English pretty well, or call an audible and ask out the super cute nurse who's younger than me and doesn't speak English quite so well?


----------



## Thrashmanzac

^ the latter man


----------



## GhostsofAcid

@Sicarus we are the same age, old enough to smoke but not old enough to drink. And yeah, you are a bit late to the party, sorry 

Another update... I gave her an ultimatum to choose him or me... And she chose me supposedly... Then a few hours later she starts spouting off about how much she still loves the guy... I got sick of her BS and broke it off. I could tell it was just going to be like this no matter what I did, so I walked away with my self respect. I told her she needs to resolve her feelings with the guy before she gets in another relationship. Thanks for the help guys


----------



## Thrashmanzac

GhostsofAcid said:


> @Sicarus we are the same age, old enough to smoke but not old enough to drink. And yeah, you are a bit late to the party, sorry
> 
> Another update... I gave her an ultimatum to choose him or me... And she chose me supposedly... Then a few hours later she starts spouting off about how much she still loves the guy... I got sick of her BS and broke it off. I could tell it was just going to be like this no matter what I did, so I walked away with my self respect. I told her she needs to resolve her feelings with the guy before she gets in another relationship. Thanks for the help guys



sounds like you did the right thing man, and in an extremely mature way, good work  hopefully you will both be more happy now


----------



## Murmel

Sat with said chick today on the bus and we talked. We get along mucho good.
Now I don't know what the fuck to do really, I should probably take it fucking easy and not be as creepy as I usually tend to be


----------



## Thrashmanzac

ok so i think i may be ready to get back out there after i broke up with my girlfreind of three years, however the the girl ive bveen talking to is 18, 19 soon and im 21, so i feel like i could be taking advanage of her? she seems really nice and we are catching up soon for some drinks, any advice dudes. i know how to talk to girls, and she knows im not looking for a relationship at all, i just dont want to lead her on


----------



## powerofze

Grand Moff Tim said:


> OK, update + question:
> 
> Today I talked a bit with another nurse, who is impossibly cute, and she said she's been studying English at home so she can talk to me when she comes to work. So that leads to the following dilemma: Do I keep with my plans to ask out the cute nurse who's older than me and speaks English pretty well, or call an audible and ask out the super cute nurse who's younger than me and doesn't speak English quite so well?


Nurses are good one night stands but usually not well cut-out for relationships. They live close to death, they see death all around them. They know life is too short for a relationship (all in the sub-conscious). You will see that they are the quickest one night stands, they go for what they want, but fall out quickly in a relationship.


----------



## Faine

GhostsofAcid said:


> +rep for the advice
> 
> So this morning when we were both less emotional i decided to have a talk with her about it... I basically told her that i care about her but wasn't willing to be second in importance to another guy. She seems to have sided with me for now, and regrets that things with this friend went as far as they did (turns out they were only together once, while intoxicated, and it was almost a year ago before i even knew her). For better or worse, i'm going to trust her. Things are awkward as shit between us now though, and this has set our relationship back a bit, although i think in the long run this was a positive because otherwise it would have always been present in the back of my mind if i never asked her about it. Fun drama is fun



They will always be awkward from now on. It'll always be in the back of your dome piece, She'll think you dont trust her... and If you feel a disturbance in the force then there usually is. Id say let her go man, dont get yourself hurt. Dont listen to your head, or heart... listen to your gut feeling. 

but I can be wrong because I obviously dont know you 2 and your relationship really... but from experience, it never really rolls over and fixes itself. And if you feel something is wrong or whatever.. it usually is.


----------



## GhostsofAcid

Faine said:


> They will always be awkward from now on. It'll always be in the back of your dome piece, She'll think you dont trust her... and If you feel a disturbance in the force then there usually is. Id say let her go man, dont get yourself hurt. Dont listen to your head, or heart... listen to your gut feeling.
> 
> but I can be wrong because I obviously dont know you 2 and your relationship really... but from experience, it never really rolls over and fixes itself. And if you feel something is wrong or whatever.. it usually is.



Think you might have missed my latest post  

Thanks again for the advice guys.


----------



## Faine

^ oh sorry dude haha. Yeah man good thing you broke it off! Gotta take care of yourself.


----------



## soliloquy

Thrashmanzac said:


> ok so i think i may be ready to get back out there after i broke up with my girlfreind of three years, however the the girl ive bveen talking to is 18, 19 soon and im 21, so i feel like i could be taking advanage of her? she seems really nice and we are catching up soon for some drinks, any advice dudes. i know how to talk to girls, and she knows im not looking for a relationship at all, i just dont want to lead her on



i started going out with my girlfriend about a week after she turned 18 when i was 20, JUST to be safe

you wouldn't really be taking advantage of her. just take things slow and easy but dont over think things or make them complicated. if it feels right, then ask her out. if you think that that may screw things up, then ask her out VERY casually. instead of saying 'hey, i was wondering if you're free this saturday?..." approach her and say 'you know, i think we should go for a bite or a movie sometime' or something else that is very casual, almost as if you're asking her to hang out, but it can be a date of sort as well...


----------



## flint757

Faine said:


> ^ oh sorry dude haha. Yeah man good thing you broke it off! Gotta take care of yourself.



Yeah that was the right decision. My first relationship in intermediate school I got cheated on twice by my girlfriend with her ex (however you define cheating back then). I've had trust issues ever since, but I never trusted her after that and it just made things stressful...How odd that she said she still loves the guy though. You definitely made the right decision.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

powerofze said:


> Nurses are good one night stands but usually not well cut-out for relationships. They live close to death, they see death all around them. They know life is too short for a relationship (all in the sub-conscious). You will see that they are the quickest one night stands, they go for what they want, but fall out quickly in a relationship.


 
I'm cool with a one night stand . These nurses aren't around death all the time though, for what it's worth. I'm in a clinic that specializes in joints (knees, shoulders, etc), so unless someone has a life-threatening ACL tear, it's pretty death-free 'round here, haha. That mindset may not apply here anyways, since Koreans tend to have a completely different outlook on life, relationships and society than westerners do.

If it does apply to them, though, it might be safer to try for the younger nurse, since she just started on the job a month ago and hasn't had time to become jaded yet .


----------



## Thrashmanzac

soliloquy said:


> i started going out with my girlfriend about a week after she turned 18 when i was 20, JUST to be safe
> 
> you wouldn't really be taking advantage of her. just take things slow and easy but dont over think things or make them complicated. if it feels right, then ask her out. if you think that that may screw things up, then ask her out VERY casually. instead of saying 'hey, i was wondering if you're free this saturday?..." approach her and say 'you know, i think we should go for a bite or a movie sometime' or something else that is very casual, almost as if you're asking her to hang out, but it can be a date of sort as well...



yeah cool man. i think i just need to get across that i don't want a relationship at the moment. she seems really nice though and it should be good to catch up. good thing is she lives 4 hours away in my hometown so that may help with not wanting a relationship


----------



## powerofze

Grand Moff Tim said:


> I'm cool with a one night stand . These nurses aren't around death all the time though, for what it's worth. I'm in a clinic that specializes in joints (knees, shoulders, etc), so unless someone has a life-threatening ACL tear, it's pretty death-free 'round here, haha. That mindset may not apply here anyways, since Koreans tend to have a completely different outlook on life, relationships and society than westerners do.
> 
> If it does apply to them, though, it might be safer to try for the younger nurse, since she just started on the job a month ago and hasn't had time to become jaded yet .


Ha, I did not see that you were in South Korea. Interestingly enough, I totally understand what you are saying, being Korean born myself (and I'm a nurse!). As for your original question, always go for the younger one!


----------



## Variant

Wow... this is the first time looking at this thread, and holy LOLz at all your young-guy problems!  I guess I should consider myself lucky I didn't have any of the awkward drama when I was a strapping young lad. I just met girls that were interested in me, went out, got into relationships. Some short, some long. If things didn't work... moved on.  Go back to step one. Repeat. 


Anyway... I guess I'll play on your *"Djent Of Love"* thread here, dredge you advice-givers as I'm a single dude again.  I've been flying solo for about 10-months here, coming off an amicable break-up with my ex, and well, I'm just not-at-all turning up in places where I'm meeting any interested/appropriate women, so per the preferred anecdotal advice of the world: I've turned to the online dating thing of the post-post-pre-post-modern society we live in. One simple question: How do this shit work?  I've had profiles up on OK Hipsters and Plenty Of Hillbillies since just after movin' out of the lady's place, and had like one-single date. I suck at this game. Like was messaging a billion people a week for quite a while, and gave up on that. Every once in a eclipsed blue moon, a ladee will message me. Nine times out of ten (actually, this has only happened probably six times), they are  . This does not parallel my life-experiences. Shed light?










Edit:







_*HAD*_ to do it.


----------



## highlordmugfug

^I laughed so hard at those links.


----------



## MFB

For a second I was REALLY hoping OK Hipsters was an actual site since well, if a chick can actually pull off the hipster look it makes me wanna do awful things to them; and what better a site for one night hipster chick stands than one called OK Hipster? The answer: none


----------



## renzoip

I clicked on your second link, and found few hillbillies, not plenty. I am disappoint.


----------



## Murmel

Variant said:


> I just met girls that were interested in me



There's our problem


----------



## Thrashmanzac

Murmel said:


> There's our problem



i meet alot of girls that are interested in me, but i dont want to lead them along


----------



## Fiction

Grand Moff Tim said:


> OK, update + question:
> 
> Today I talked a bit with another nurse, who is impossibly cute, and she said she's been studying English at home so she can talk to me when she comes to work. So that leads to the following dilemma: Do I keep with my plans to ask out the cute nurse who's older than me and speaks English pretty well, or call an audible and ask out the super cute nurse who's younger than me and doesn't speak English quite so well?



Threesome?


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Small update: I had my ACL surgery yesterday, and the older nurse came to visit me in the recovery room. We were chatting a bit, and I pointed to a ring she was wearing and asked if she was married. It wasn't on her ring finger, but hell. This is Korea, who knows what they might do differently. She told me to guess whether she was married or single, and I correctly(!) guessed that she's single. That door open, I used my mad elementary korean skills to tell her she's very pretty. She blushed a bit, then told me I'm handsome, and that she'll try to come visit me later, even though she's working in a different ward for the time being. Next time I see her, she's definitely getting asked out.


----------



## Greatoliver

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Small update


----------



## GhostsofAcid

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Small update: I had my ACL surgery yesterday, and the older nurse came to visit me in the recovery room. We were chatting a bit, and I pointed to a ring she was wearing and asked if she was married. It wasn't on her ring finger, but hell. This is Korea, who knows what they might do differently. She told me to guess whether she was married or single, and I correctly(!) guessed that she's single. That door open, I used my mad elementary korean skills to tell her she's very pretty. She blushed a bit, then told me I'm handsome, and that she'll try to come visit me later, even though she's working in a different ward for the time being. Next time I see her, she's definitely getting asked out.



Nice! Good luck


----------



## Metal_Webb

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Small update



That men, is how a Smooth Operator works.


----------



## Bekanor

Not all of us can exploit Florence Nightingale syndrome though. 


Actually, I can probably shatter my knee without too much effort on my part. Here I come hot nurse with massive jugs!


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Small update v2.0: I haven't seen the older nurse since the recovery room, unfortunately. I have, on the other hand, seen the younger one a few times, and she's gotten a bit touchy-feely. I can't tell where the nursing ends and the flirting ends, though, so I'm trying not to make too much out of it.

She's _so_ cute, though...


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^dude, if she's conversing to you AND breaking the touch barrier on her own, ITS ON. Women all across the globe speak that language, don't mess this up trying to be a nice guy. I have to know if Korean women have sideways vaginas like I've heard, you gotta make this happen.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

^


----------



## Ocean_Ashes

I know I already asked another general question a few posts back so I hope you don't mind.
Where and how did you guys meet your first girlfriend/boyfriend? It seems so creepy to me to just go up to someone at a bar or something. (At least when I picture myself doing that )


----------



## Fiction

^ For when you do go up, give her a 1 Drink rule. Any girl I meet in town (Clubs) I'll buy her a maximum of 1 drink. Otherwise you'll go broke, I know many girls who dance with a guy all night for free drinks then just leave them when they're done.

Edit: you can buy her more if you want, but don't say I didn't warn you


----------



## Ocean_Ashes

Fiction said:


> ^ For when you do go up, give her a 1 Drink rule. Any girl I meet in town (Clubs) I'll buy her a maximum of 1 drink. Otherwise you'll go broke, I know many girls who dance with a guy all night for free drinks then just leave them when they're done.
> 
> Edit: you can buy her more if you want, but don't say I didn't warn you



Not much of a clubber, I usually go to venues or regular bars. Anyway thanks for the warning  I still have a long road ahead of me before I go buy a girl drinks though


----------



## flint757

Ocean_Ashes said:


> Not much of a clubber, I usually go to venues or regular bars. Anyway thanks for the warning  I still have a long road ahead of me before I go buy a girl drinks though



Make it less creepy by actually going out and doing something like excursions, scuba lessons, rock climbing, or whatever you may be interested in and conversation will follow naturally. Then when your done you hit up the bar and buy drinks for a friend now instead of a stranger. See less creepy 

Don;t worry though it really isn't creepy that is just how it works in clubs/bars.


----------



## The Reverend

flint757 said:


> Make it less creepy by actually going out and doing something like excursions, scuba lessons, rock climbing, or whatever you may be interested in and conversation will follow naturally. Then when your done you hit up the bar and buy drinks for a friend now instead of a stranger. See less creepy
> 
> Don;t worry though it really isn't creepy that is just how it works in clubs/bars.



QFT.

Women expect to be hit on in places like bars and clubs, or even venues, if they're music-lovers. It's been my personal experience that in those situations it's impossible to get to know someone. 

If you can meet a woman while doing something you both enjoy, you'll have at least some common ground, and will be able to enjoy inhibition-reducing beverages with higher rapport and no risk of being used for drinks.


----------



## ASoC

Ocean_Ashes said:


> I know I already asked another general question a few posts back so I hope you don't mind.
> Where and how did you guys meet your first girlfriend/boyfriend? It seems so creepy to me to just go up to someone at a bar or something. (At least when I picture myself doing that )


 
I met my first serious gf in school, but I usually meet women either at school (full time student) or when I'm out doing stuff.

By stuff I mean I recently met a girl at a drum corps rehearsal, met a different corps girl at the airport after rehearsal, I've met people at a meeting I used to go to. You don't need to be in a bar or a club to meet people


----------



## Faine

Eh I would never pick a girl up from the bar. Not my type at all. I dont even go to the bar. If you want a great girl who will treat you right instead of talking to other dudes at a bar... go to a book store  but hey you never know.


----------



## Sicarius

So after talking to the receptionist in one of our buildings, I finally asked if she wanted to go to lunch with me.

but I wouldn't say that I asked her out...

I have, literally, no game, this is how it happened:
*walking to her desk, notice her hair looks different*
"Hey, I like what you did with your hair, it looks really nice"
"Hey, thanks."
"Have you had Indian before?"
"Yea, a couple times, I really like the bread."
"Well, I was going to go to a place I like on Saturday; they do a lunch buffet. If you want, you can join me, could be fun."
"Which Saturday?"
"This one."
"Hmm.. Yeah, what's the place?"
*gives info, talks about the other Indian places in N. Houston"
"Yea, if I can, I'd love to."
"Awesome! Let me give you my number, and we can figure things out later."
*puts it in her phone, doesn't ask for hers.*

Idk, something about yesterday was just awesome. I saw a sign driving to school that looked like a thumbs up, and it was a nice day for Mid-April in SETex.

Sat, I'm going hunting for some Records for Record Store Day, so to get to hang out with her for a little while would just be awesome.

Though, today, when I went up there, she seemed... off. Idk, but it seemed like something was bothering her, and I didn't get to talk to her. :/


----------



## flint757

Sucks if she decides not too, but not getting her number was a good move because it puts the cards in her deck and avoids you looking desperate since you can't bug her about it. If she blows it off pretend you never asked and when the opportunity arises ask again.

I wouldn't call first dates a "date" (in a relationship sense) anyways just people getting to know each other so don't stress it either way.


----------



## Sicarius

Exactly why I didn't ask for it. If she comes, that'd be awesome, but if she can't, no loss, just try and reschedule.

There's always taking her to the candy shop down the road from the school after we get off work.


----------



## Faine

^ so thats what you call it?


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Sicarius said:


> There's always taking her to the candy shop down the road from the school after we get off work.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Another update: The older nurse is back in my ward so I've been chatting her up, and I've come across a bit of a dilemma: she's a churchgoer. I'm not really sure what approach to take to this now. I'm not religious AT ALL, and that has caused some problems in the past when I dated women who were, enough so that I've sortof sworn off of religious chicks.

So... Wat do? Play it by ear to see how religious she is and if it'll cause problems? Quit while I'm still ahead? Try to be *gulp* just friends?

At any rate, I could use this as an excuse to focus on the younger nurse...


----------



## Bekanor

Younger nurse.


----------



## flint757

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Another update: The older nurse is back in my ward so I've been chatting her up, and I've come across a bit of a dilemma: she's a churchgoer. I'm not really sure what approach to take to this now. I'm not religious AT ALL, and that has caused some problems in the past when I dated women who were, enough so that I've sortof sworn off of religious chicks.
> 
> So... Wat do? Play it by ear to see how religious she is and if it'll cause problems? Quit while I'm still ahead? Try to be *gulp* just friends?
> 
> At any rate, I could use this as an excuse to focus on the younger nurse...



Meh most people aren't as religious as they'd like other religius people to believe, but if this is motivation for you to go after the younger nurse then...

She WILL try and convert you and tell you you will burn a fiery death every day until you finally do.

Does this solve your dilemma.


----------



## Sicarius

Faine said:


> ^ so thats what you call it?


https://www.facebook.com/pages/Toys-Candy-On-the-Park/120623644651875

Literally 2 miles away from the school. It's fucking awesome.


----------



## Ocean_Ashes

Faine said:


> Eh I would never pick a girl up from the bar. Not my type at all. I dont even go to the bar. If you want a great girl who will treat you right instead of talking to other dudes at a bar... go to a book store  but hey you never know.



Haha, I wasn´t planning on picking up girls at a bar. Poor choice of an example I guess  
my main question was how people met their girl/boyfriends


----------



## Sicarius

I kinda thought that by going back to school, it'd force me to interact with people. But with my major, it's a sausage fest. 

Man, I really need to get out more lol, except I just got into the MoP WoW beta...


----------



## flint757

Sicarius said:


> I kinda thought that by going back to school, it'd force me to interact with people. But with my major, it's a sausage fest.
> 
> Man, I really need to get out more lol, except I just got into the MoP WoW beta...



I tell myself that all the time. Moved in to the city for a year for the same reason. i did go out more, but not on any major level of difference from before. change of environment doesn't help if its just you personality. (like me ) I take it you are engineering? if so it is indeed a sausage fest. I started out as a business major and it was babe central there. I'd hate to say that is because it is an easier degree, but I just can't fathom the discontinuity especially when women can get handouts to become engineering majors since there are so few. 

I love smart women the more the merrier. Looks are pretty important too though.


----------



## Sicarius

CIT while I'm in community College, will probably transfer into CS for network security after I take a semester or two off again.

It could be worse, though. You could have been in the Engineering class that (pornstar) Amy Reid was in before she decided to use her breasts for good (ie: porn). That must've been the greatest class in the world, except for the self induced blue balls


----------



## soliloquy

i guess i'll be going back to my old ways soon, ie, saying no to sex with my gf until she grows up a bit. her periods are all over the place, sometimes they are 3 weeks early, sometimes they are delayed by 4 months. doctors said that pills wont work for her due to her being immune to em or her harmons doing her harm with the pill in the picture or something. 

then she said that she wants to be a bit more religious, and that means giving up sex. thats fine by me, whatever makes her happy.

however, she keeps seducing me every chance she gets and a) confuses the fuck out of me as minute one she wants sex, minute two, she doesn't...

on top of that, because i'm not planning on it, i'm not carrying condoms around either...

shes iffy about abortion, so what the fuck?! i guess shes raping me then :s


----------



## flint757

soliloquy said:


> i guess i'll be going back to my old ways soon, ie, saying no to sex with my gf until she grows up a bit. her periods are all over the place, sometimes they are 3 weeks early, sometimes they are delayed by 4 months. doctors said that pills wont work for her due to her being immune to em or her harmons doing her harm with the pill in the picture or something.
> 
> then she said that she wants to be a bit more religious, and that means giving up sex. thats fine by me, whatever makes her happy.
> 
> however, she keeps seducing me every chance she gets and a) confuses the fuck out of me as minute one she wants sex, minute two, she doesn't...
> 
> on top of that, because i'm not planning on it, i'm not carrying condoms around either...
> 
> shes iffy about abortion, so what the fuck?! i guess shes raping me then :s



Woah

That is the ultimate mind fuck


----------



## Sicarius

that.. That sounds horrible.

get her to try that plastic thing they put in her hoo-hah.


----------



## MFB

So uh, kind of started flirting with this chick I have class with on Friday's all day, and she's not someone I'd normally go for; but fuck it, we'll see what happens


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

So I spent a fair bit of time with the younger nurse today, under the guise of needing help with my self-imposed Korean homework. She was smiley, chatty, and touchy feely, and even gave me some candy before we got started. During the "study session" I managed to bring up her Sunday morning activities. Turns out that unlike the older nurse, not only is she not a churchgoer, but her family isn't Christian to begin with (they're Buddhist). Score, right?

Wrong.

Since things were going so well, I went for it and said we should hang out sometime, and asked for her number. After she made sure I was flirting with her (she had only recently learned the word in English), she told me she has a boyfriend who she's been with for a year now. 

Fuck.

Well, I suppose all I said was that I was going to ask out one of the nurses. There was never any guarantee that the answer would actually be yes. Still though, goddammit.

I'm tempted to go for the older one despite her religion, just for the potential confidence boost if she says yes. Then again, that isn't a very good reason to ask someone out (pretty selfish, really), and she might say no too, which would just make my whole situation that much shittier. Christ, I need to get out of this hospital.


----------



## Sicarius

well.

There's always the nunnery?


----------



## leandroab

Fuck man.. that sucks!


----------



## Sicarius

So, today's the day. I'm a little nervous, but I think I'm more excited for RSD than the date.

Since I didn't get her number at school, I found her on the FB and sent her a quick little message asking she was still interested in lunch. If things go well, maybe I'll see if she wants to go to the record store with me. Or I'll just see her on Monday or whenever I'm in her building again, and just keep talking with her.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Been dating my girlfriend 17 months as of yesterday


----------



## Varcolac

Grand Moff Tim said:


> I'm tempted to go for the older one despite her religion, just for the potential confidence boost if she says yes. Then again, that isn't a very good reason to ask someone out (pretty selfish, really), and she might say no too, which would just make my whole situation that much shittier. Christ, I need to get out of this hospital.



Religious people _do_ date, you know. It's not all arranged marriages and chastity belts. Live a little, ask her out. 

Who knows, you may end up with a hot Asian nurse who went to Catholic school. That's like, every teenage fantasy, cubed.


----------



## Sicarius

:/ 

Since I didn't have the lady's number, I sent her a message on FB, asking if she was still interested. Haven't heard from her, so I went about my errands today. 

I think today is just going to be a meh day. 

Didn't get the record I originally wanted from the record store. 
Missed Indian for lunch.
Yankees are losing to the Red Sux.

Meh..


----------



## MFB

Yeah, so I'm still rather confused about how things went down yesterday. It was a bunch of rather out-of-context clues with the last one being "Do you think dating is expensive," to which I told her my honest opinion - it can be if you want it to be. The first time I hung out with my now ex-girlfriend, we left class and hung out at her house and watched TV. That's totally free by our standards of dating, not splitting hairs like "Well you pay for the cable, and any food at the house," etc...

And it was verbatim that last sentence including the part about going from class to her house and she said, "That's your problem, you never want to date anyone from here since you'll run into em again if things don't work out ya know?" But just her general demeanor and the little questions, then dropping that line was like WHAT? To be fair, I'm technically moving back home in June so I could tell her that and have it kind of undermine that statement and just treat it for what it'd be - a summer romance, both of us knowing it's got until X date and then I'm out, literally and figuratively.

Bitch still be trippin or am I going to into it?


----------



## Sicarius

Sounds like Bitch be trippin'


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Varcolac said:


> Religious people _do_ date, you know. It's not all arranged marriages and chastity belts. Live a little, ask her out.
> 
> Who knows, you may end up with a hot Asian nurse who went to Catholic school. That's like, every teenage fantasy, cubed.



Yeah, I've dated religious chicks before, or I wouldn't be so hesitant to do it again. I'm fine with them being religious, of course, and I'd never dream of trying to change their minds about it. My experience, unfortunately, is that the reverse isn't a given. They might say at the beginning of the relationship that they don't care that I'm not religious, but somewhere down the line it WILL come up, and it WILL be an issue. Unless I find a christian chick who genuinely doesn't give a shit that as far as she's concerned her boyfriend is going to burn in hell for all eternity, I suppose.


----------



## Varcolac

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Yeah, I've dated religious chicks before, or I wouldn't be so hesitant to do it again. I'm fine with them being religious, of course, and I'd never dream of trying to change their minds about it. My experience, unfortunately, is that the reverse isn't a given. They might say at the beginning of the relationship that they don't care that I'm not religious, but somewhere down the line it WILL come up, and it WILL be an issue. Unless I find a christian chick who genuinely doesn't give a shit that as far as she's concerned her boyfriend is going to burn in hell for all eternity, I suppose.



Ah, it makes a bit more sense when you put it that way. Still, my point about hot nurses still stands.


----------



## Sicarius

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Yeah, I've dated religious chicks before, or I wouldn't be so hesitant to do it again. I'm fine with them being religious, of course, and I'd never dream of trying to change their minds about it. My experience, unfortunately, is that the reverse isn't a given. They might say at the beginning of the relationship that they don't care that I'm not religious, but somewhere down the line it WILL come up, and it WILL be an issue. Unless I find a christian chick who genuinely doesn't give a shit that as far as she's concerned her boyfriend is going to burn in hell for all eternity, I suppose.



You and I are after a similar Unicorn, friend.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

I threw caution to the wind and went ahead and asked the other nurse if she wants to get together some time after I get out of the hospital. She's down. Score?


----------



## Sicarius

maybe


----------



## glassmoon0fo

sweet action tim. Just remember, the closer you get to her, the less the risk of rejection actually is. If she agreed, she's somewhat interested, so keep it simple, keep doing what youre doing, and git is, son! I'm excited for you, genuinely. I used to see asian nurses in my head when I practiced guitar for 8 hours a day, gave me something to work towards


----------



## Alberto7

So, I've always been curious about this thread, and I finally have a decent excuse to post here. I'm not really looking for advice, but just looking to vent and put this somewhere out there where anyone willing to can read it and perhaps even reply if they're so inclined . I didn't think it merited its own thread so I posted this here. Anyway, just bear with me if you want. I won't blame you if you skip to the next post .

There's this girl that I've been really good friends with since my Junior year in highschool (11th grade, for my non-American fellow forumites. We're now 21, so we've been friends for quite a bit). After we graduated from highschool we both moved to different places, and we've both been all over the place, so we hadn't been able to catch up in person. However, we speak a lot online and are always sharing experiences and all kinds of stuff. She's super stupidly cute and quirky; basically, just my type of girl in almost every way. Except she's a WAAY more "outgoing" kind of person than I am. Her life used to be a major party all the time. She has tons of guy friends, and I get jealous easily, so I decided to save myself the trouble, and never wanted to try anything serious (or non-serious, for that matter) with her, even though I've always had a thing for her and we've always been rather flirtatious with each other. That, and I feel we have a great friendship, so I didn't want to tamper with that (old and very cliche'd dilemma, I know ).

So, after almost 2 years of not seeing each other (and last time I saw her was one day only, and pretty shortly), she contacts me about 2-3 weeks ago saying she was here visiting her dad and she wanted to see me. I found out she'd been here for almost 5 months and hadn't called me, which got me pretty upset. I confronted her about it, and it turns out that these past 5 months she'd been through some terrible and delicate experiences with her family, and just locked herself in, out of depression, for a long time and only spent time with her dad. I apologized for getting so upset, and she then let me know that I was the first and only one (up until then) that she'd let in on that stuff, so that made me feel pretty special. We spent a lot of time together, and I noticed she's changed a lot, and has even stopped drinking and smoking (which is about + a gazillion points in my book). I feel like I got to know a side of her that not many people know, and we've definitely grown much closer.

After I saw how much she'd changed, the thought of making a move on her kept constantly creeping into my mind. I had no excuse not to do it anymore... Except that I knew she was leaving in a couple of weeks. A few years ago, I had a super crappy experience when I asked another friend out while knowing that we only had two weeks left to see each other. I was pretty depressed for a while after I had to leave her, since we saw that we were working really well together. As a result, we grew distant from one another and we barely talk now (she and I didn't handle very well the "how to get over it" issue). I refused to let that happen this time around, so I didn't tell her anything.

So, I went to see her off last night, since she's going back to England already, and everything went perfectly well. We had a really nice evening; I helped her pack, we chatted, we laughed, we played guitar, took some goofy photos as memories, exchanged some music and some shows... Overall, a very relaxed evening... The fact that instead of going out partying or having a gathering with a lot of people, like I would've expected from her, she decided to spend her last day and night with me was pretty damn flattering, to say the least. It was all great until I had to actually say bye. Now, I'm hopefully moving to Canada this summer, and it will be extremely difficult for me to coincide anywhere with her in the near future. I felt extremely sad all of a sudden, and found myself short of words to tell her how grateful I am for hanging with me these past weeks and for being a generally awesome person (I've been bored to death the past few months over here, since I'm waiting to move, and my visa here does not allow me to work, so she kinda saved me from that). After I left, I really haven't been able to get her off my mind, almost regretting not having told her how I feel (notice the "almost").

I sent her a message on Facebook later that night telling her that I'll miss her and blah blah (whatever I couldn't manage to put together in person when saying bye, basically), not knowing if I was being irrationally emotional. She replied a few hours ago reciprocating pretty much the same things I told her, and specifically confirmed that I wasn't being a touchy-feely idiot (to her, at least), while trying to cheer me up, so I feel extremely relieved now. Still, I'm gonna miss this girl a lot, and it kind of makes me wish that we didn't have to live so far away. But alas, I'll be moving soon, and I'll hopefully meet more awesome people in Canada 

Anyone else have a similar issue with someone overseas/far away? It's not the first time that something like this happens to me, but it feels like a new experience every time, and I'd be curious to hear (read) other people's experiences on something similar.

If you read up until here, you're an awesome person (or you just have too much damn patience ), so thanks for that. Loose stories like these just aren't interesting to most people . And yeah, I'm a pretty damn emotional guy when it comes to these things .

EDIT: I've been writing this text on and off throughout the day with the sole purpose of letting this off my chest, so the tone may vary a bit in different parts (and, again, sorry for making it so long!).


----------



## Alberto7

Grand Moff Tim said:


> I threw caution to the wind and went ahead and asked the other nurse if she wants to get together some time after I get out of the hospital. She's down. Score?



I've read the last 3 pages of this thread, and, for some reason, your story got me very interested to see what happened next . Curious stuff. Glad she agreed! Good for you!


----------



## leandroab

Alberto7 said:


> Anyone else have a similar issue with someone overseas/far away?



Not overseas. Or far away. We live in the same city, 1h apart. But it feels like it's definitely 1000000 times more distant. She's in senior year highschool (but she's 18 may 3rd lol) which basically means study nonstop, all day, in brazil, with the occasional tests saturday afternoon. 

We are dating, but I only get to see her like 2 times a month, IF. She's genuinely BUSY. We both knew that before we started getting deeper into this relationship. I really like her, but this relationship sometimes kills me. Sometimes I miss her so much, but there's nothing I can do. I'm also busy as hell, but at least I have my weekends, she doesn't. So at least one week out of the month I spend everyday wishing for the days to just run by, which worries me. Like I'm not liking the present, I only long for the future.

I mean, it sucks a lot, but it's not the end of the world.

Wow, I need to stop smoking this ganja.


----------



## Alberto7

leandroab said:


> Not overseas. Or far away. We live in the same city, 1h apart. But it feels like it's definitely 1000000 times more distant. She's in senior year highschool (but she's 18 may 3rd lol) which basically means study nonstop, all day, in brazil, with the occasional tests saturday afternoon.
> 
> We are dating, but I only get to see her like 2 times a month, IF. She's genuinely BUSY. We both knew that before we started getting deeper into this relationship. I really like her, but this relationship sometimes kills me. Sometimes I miss her so much, but there's nothing I can do. I'm also busy as hell, but at least I have my weekends, she doesn't. So at least one week out of the month I spend everyday wishing for the days to just run by, which worries me. Like I'm not liking the present, I only long for the future.
> 
> I mean, it sucks a lot, but it's not the end of the world.
> 
> Wow, I need to stop smoking this ganja.



I can imagine it's a crappy situation. I've never had a girl that lives right across town that I'm never able to see, but I definitely have (and have had) several friends like that, and it gets annoying as hell when I want to see them. She should be graduating soon, though, and then you'll have more time, I suppose.

I'm not even going to ask you for some of that Brazilian stuff you're smoking. It's shitty enough when I'm sober


----------



## leandroab

Alberto7 said:


> I'm not even going to ask you for some of that Brazilian stuff you're smoking. It's shitty enough when I'm sober



It's definitely not brazilian though hahah...


----------



## MFB

Talked with a friend of mine back home about the situation and she was like "I don't know, that's kind of confusing" and then I told her I'm not really surprised by it being confusing given this chick is unlike any I've known before; wich piqued my friend's curiosity and she asked how, to which I answered by telling her she's from Camden - the UK one, not the lame NJ one. 

Upon hearing that she told me I pretty much HAVE to try and get with her, or succeed, because if not I'm failing her


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

I can say with as close to 100% certainty as I'm willing to go that the nurse was flirting with me pretty hardcore earlier. I'm such a pimp.


----------



## Bekanor

Grand Moff Tim said:


> I can say with as close to 100% certainty as I'm willing to go that the nurse was flirting with me pretty hardcore earlier. I'm such a pimp.



Consider name change to "Grand Moff Fresh-T".


----------



## MFB

I've always felt we should just change it to "Fresh Masta Flex" but that's just me


----------



## Bekanor

MFB said:


> I've always felt we should just change it to "Fresh Masta Flex" but that's just me



You're a way better funky black guy than I am.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Bam. Just got her phone number. She said I can call her if I have questions about Korean or my physical therapy, so I asked if it'd also be okay if I called to see if she wanted to go get dinner, she smiled, blushed a little, and said that'd be okay, too.

I also found out how old she is, and she's only a year older than I am. I didn't think she was much older than me, but she hesitated like she was ancient or some shit.


----------



## MFB

So is this a THIRD nurse now, or one of the two from before?


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

The older one from before. I just have nothing better to do with myself than pester SSO with the inane details of my romantic pursuits, no matter how petty.


----------



## Greatoliver

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Bam. Just got her phone number. She said I can call her if I have questions about Korean or my physical therapy, so I asked if it'd also be okay if I called to see if she wanted to go get dinner, she smiled, blushed a little, and said that'd be okay, too.
> 
> I also found out how old she is, and she's only a year older than I am. I didn't think she was much older than me, but she hesitated like she was ancient or some shit.



My previous comment applies.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Bam. Just got her phone number. She said I can call her if I have questions about Korean or *my physical therapy...*


----------



## Sicarius

I have to second Fresh Masta Flex.


----------



## JosephAOI

Okay, heavy shit warning: So tonight I found out my girlfriend has Gender Indentity Disorder. I'm a heterosexual male. She says she wants to be seen as a man, recognized as a man in every way, doesn't want breasts, BUT she wants to keep her female genettalia. I know I shouldnt judge and all, if this is what it is, but I don't want to be seen as anything other than heterosexual (i apoligize if this comes off as offensive). It's just who I am. Also, I don't think I could date someone who looks like a man in such regard. I like women. But I want to be with this girl. But she doesn't want to be a girl. She says she'll just cope with it but that makes me feel like a selfish fuck who deserves to just go die. But I don't think I could stay with her if she identified as a male. Fuck.

Seriously guys, WHAT DO?


----------



## JamesM

Kill her with a rock?

Kill him with a rock? 

I don't know man. Those two usually work.


----------



## flint757

I had a girlfriend who wanted to cut her hair off. We eventually broke up and she did it. Relationships are supposed to be a good thing not a stress or a source of pain. If you can't deal and the only way to allow you to deal is for her to be unhappy then ending it is best. You don't "really" want to be with her as you said it yourself you are not okay with who she really wants to be.

Save yourself the headache and break it off..

Like you said it'd make you a fairly shitty person to keep dating her while she represses her true self.


----------



## Alberto7

That, right there, is something a lot of people don't deal with every day... What's been said above me I think is the most rational thing to do. At least on paper, I think the answer is simple.


----------



## MFB

First time I saw lady friend since last Friday, barely spoke to her and when I did she seemed rather distant/kind of annoyed. Been super depressed and self-destructive lately and I've come to the conclusion that I'm not gonna try and pursue any type of summer fling BS since it's just not who I am and it'd be wrong on my part to try and pull that shit now as if it makes it any better than had I done it before I left to come out here.


----------



## Konfyouzd

... fuck bitches...


----------



## Winspear

Konfyouzd said:


> ... fuck bitches...



Play guitar


----------



## leandroab

Women are fucking retarded. God...


----------



## Konfyouzd

EtherealEntity said:


> Play guitar





I'm not even mad at women right now. I love bitches...


----------



## MFB

I'm more mad at myself than I am at her, no real resentment here since shit I don't even know if anything would've happened to begin with so no real "fuck bitches" from me; more just a "fuck I don't wanna be here anymore"


----------



## Konfyouzd

Let's play some video games


----------



## MFB

Maybe tomorrow night or Sunday if I get all my homework done and am on top of my game for next week, I need to head downtown and pick up a new mic so I can actually talk to people since my Turtle Beaches don't play through the headset and I don't want to bother my roommates with hearing people through the TV.


----------



## flint757

Get Money


----------



## Konfyouzd

Money =  =


----------



## flint757

For me, right now money=new computer + phone=


----------



## -42-

JosephAOI said:


> Seriously guys, WHAT DO?



Tell her (well, him) that physical attraction is part of a physical relationship. Bottom line. 

Honestly, if I ever had a girlfriend identified herself as a man, I doubt I'd have a real problem with it. It's not the brains of men I have a problem with, just the equipment.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

went out last night with a couple of friends and got two phone numbers  now to wait a while and set up a coffee date or two. how long should i wait before contact them, 2 or 3 days?


----------



## MFB

Fuck waiting man, just call them sometime today and set up dates. I've never understood the whole "waiting to call someone" thing, I mean - you got their number for a reason, make use of it.


----------



## flint757

It's to make it seem more casual and less needy. it works. It's like you are saying oh hey I got bored saw your number and decided to call you.

I don't personally play the game, but people do for a reason.


----------



## -42-

^I've learned to embrace my inner dork around women. A lot of women this day and age find strange hobbies, modes of dress, and passions to be absolutely adorable. My life became far better the second I decided that being cool was boring.


----------



## JosephAOI

-42- said:


> Tell her (well, him) that physical attraction is part of a physical relationship. Bottom line.
> 
> Honestly, if I ever had a girlfriend identified herself as a man, I doubt I'd have a real problem with it. It's not the brains of men I have a problem with, just the equipment.


We had a long talk last night (I also talked to ghstofperdition on here) and settled things out. She plans to stay a woman for now and be with me despite me telling her over and over that she should be who she wants to be and that I would be her best friend still in that case. She chose to stay as lovers though.

I hope more for her sake this works out right.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

This week, while studying for my last final of the semester, I got a text from my ex who, after a huge fight in which we were both pretty awful to each other, I thought I would never see or hear from again. I had sent her an apology the day after the fight, but she never responded. We had already been broken up for a month before the fight, and things were alright between us up until that day. I felt really torn up for a long time about how things went down, and was actually ashamed of myself for some things I'd said to her and the way I handled myself. I won't deny that she may have deserved to hear what I said to her, but it also doesn't mean I should have gone there. I'm usually much better to be people than that.

Anyway, after 5 months, I get this apology text out of nowhere. We talked for a bit, and decided to go grab a drink some time soon and catch up. We've both moved on - she's in a relationship now and I've had a casual thing with a few girls in the past few months, so it's not about trying to rekindle anything. It's about how good we were to each other for so long, and that we both felt that the way things ended was an injustice to what we had. I'd already resigned to the thought that I'd never speak to her again, and that I'd have to live with the things we'd said to each other, but to finally talk to her and make amends was a huge burden off my heart, none the less.


----------



## flint757

JosephAOI said:


> We had a long talk last night (I also talked to ghstofperdition on here) and settled things out. She plans to stay a woman for now and be with me despite me telling her over and over that she should be who she wants to be and that I would be her best friend still in that case. She chose to stay as lovers though.
> 
> I hope more for her sake this works out right.



Sounds like you're pretty important to her for her to give up something she cares about for you.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

JeffFromMtl said:


> This week, while studying for my last final of the semester, I got a text from my ex who, after a huge fight in which we were both pretty awful to each other, I thought I would never see or hear from again. I had sent her an apology the day after the fight, but she never responded. We had already been broken up for a month before the fight, and things were alright between us up until that day. I felt really torn up for a long time about how things went down, and was actually ashamed of myself for some things I'd said to her and the way I handled myself. I won't deny that she may have deserved to hear what I said to her, but it also doesn't mean I should have gone there. I'm usually much better to be people than that.
> 
> Anyway, after 5 months, I get this apology text out of nowhere. We talked for a bit, and decided to go grab a drink some time soon and catch up. We've both moved on - she's in a relationship now and I've had a casual thing with a few girls in the past few months, so it's not about trying to rekindle anything. It's about how good we were to each other for so long, and that we both felt that the way things ended was an injustice to what we had. I'd already resigned to the thought that I'd never speak to her again, and that I'd have to live with the things we'd said to each other, but to finally talk to her and make amends was a huge burden off my heart, none the less.



man i had pretty much the same experience with my ex. she text me about a week ago to tell me a girl i have been talking to looks like a dirty slut. said a bunch of horrible shit to me that i wont go into. i ended up telling her that she was embarrassing herself and that i dont need a friend like her. havnt heard from her since. we had 3 amazing years together and it feels like she is going out of her way to make it impossible for me to be friends with her. bitches be crazy. on a more positive not im going for coffee with one of the girls that gave me thier number this wednesday, and another girl is coming up to see me to hang out a grab a movie and shit in a week or two.


----------



## highlordmugfug

Thrashmanzac said:


> another girl is coming up to see me to hang out a grab a movie *and shit *in a week or two.


Hell of an itinerary.


----------



## flint757

So I take it you intend to go for indian food


----------



## Thrashmanzac

flint757 said:


> So I take it you intend to go for indian food



 we actually were planning on indian food!
i guess i phrased that poorly


----------



## flint757

Thrashmanzac said:


> we actually were planning on indian food!
> i guess i phrased that poorly



It wasn't a coincidence, you knew what would follow


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

I finally get discharged from the hospital later this evening. The nurse said we should meet up sometime after I'm discharged, so... how long do I wait before contacting her? Would next week be too soon? Too late? I'm terrible at his sort of thing.


----------



## MFB

Next week would probably too late, like, to the point where you forgot and then felt terrible and tried to make it up kind of late. I'd say traditional 2-3 days if you want to give it "breathing room."


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

So maybe see what she's doing this weekend or something?


----------



## flint757

Call her like Wednesday and set something up for Friday. Are customs the same in SK?


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Rarely. I'll ask my ride to work about it tomorrow.


----------



## flint757

Yeah good idea


----------



## Faine

Glad you're finally out of the hospital man.  

I'd ask her if she's free this weekend ! Doesn't seem too soon, it'll keep her waiting and shell know youre interested.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Well, she didn't respond to my texts. I think it's a wash. Lame.

Guess I'd better hone my Korean skills and look elsewhere. It's not like there's a shortage of sweet, sweet Korean tail around here. Hell, I'd love to be able to try to make a move for my office mate, because my GOD, what a body she has. Her English is pretty spotty, though, and spotty as it is, it's still far better than my Korean, so communication is a bit of a mess sometimes.


----------



## Sicarius

I got to talk to the girl I was going to have Indian with a couple weeks ago. 

She's not been feeling well lately. 

I think I'll try and ask her again.


----------



## Bekanor

Date #2 tomorrow night. 

Pizza, beer and the human centipede movies.

It's nice when you leave the details to the girl and she comes up with something awesome. Here's to her not pulling a last minute bailout.


----------



## flint757

And here's to you pulling out last minute


----------



## Sicarius

what kind of person gets "in the mood" after watching Human Centipede?


----------



## Bekanor

I'm sure she'll cackle her ass of like we did watching "Drag me to hell" on our first date, from there it shouldn't take too much game on my part to make things amorous.


----------



## Fiction

Sicarius said:


> what kind of person gets "in the mood" after watching Human Centipede?



Aussies.

Got a fuckin' problem, mate?


----------



## Pav

Fiction said:


> Aussies.
> 
> Got a fuckin' problem, mate?


Yeah. We bang after Pauly Shore movies here in the US of A.


----------



## guitarister7321

Just got a note from a girl in the hallway while at my locker. She said in the note that she thought I was adorable. It also contained her name and phone number. Should I text her right away or wait until we're out of school.

Also how should I word my text? Not sure how I should word it.


----------



## TheBigGroove

guitarister7321 said:


> Just got a note from a girl in the hallway while at my locker. She said in the note that she thought I was adorable. It also contained her name and phone number. Should I text her right away or wait until we're out of school.
> 
> Also how should I word my text? Not sure how I should word it.



for the love of god text her after school!!!!!!! it's high school so don't wait for days she'll be on to the next one...but definitely make yourself seem a whole heap cooler than you actually are...that's what it's all about 

a simple "hey what's up this is ______" will suffice...that is if she knows your name

and as far as texting is concerned, I like to wait like 10-20x as long as she does between texts...if she replies in 30 seconds, I'll wait a solid ten. If she takes 2 minutes, bitch please you get a half hour


----------



## Pav

guitarister7321 said:


> Just got a note from a girl in the hallway while at my locker. She said in the note that she thought I was adorable. It also contained her name and phone number. Should I text her right away or wait until we're out of school.
> 
> Also how should I word my text? Not sure how I should word it.


Wait until after school. When you text her, don't obviously try to hit on her first thing. Start of by saying "hey it's _____," and maybe innocently ask her about this undeniable crush she has on you. Be cool though, if she says she wants to hang out, don't respond by pulling out a box of rubbers.


----------



## flint757

yeah just say hey. She sent the note so let her bring it up. Waiting longer than her to respond is a great idea too, it makes it seem like you do in fact have better things to do.


----------



## Bekanor

.


----------



## Cabinet

You know where that nowhere came from? Your alpha status.

Wreck that shit dude ;D


----------



## Bekanor

.


----------



## Faine

Please take the time to read this. 

Ok Guys.... I really need some help. I'm 23 and I've always been a happy humble guy. I've always made people laugh. i'm pretty good at hiding or ignoring my feelings But lately I've been feeling this feeling for a week or so... and its really getting the best of me...

It's this really really anxious feeling. Something in my mind is making me worry and I feel like something bad is going to happen to me soon. 

Why am I feeling this way?? Well... It's a long story and I hope you guys have the time to read... I have a big heart. And I'm one of the nicest people I know. I also attract cheaters It seems. I've had 4 or 5 serious relationships in my life... and they all cheated on me. Maybe I pick the wrong girls? maybe they play a nice act and seem like the best girl ever, then cheat on me... 

My last girlfriend ( in november of last year) was one of my best friends... Shes been there for me while I was going through my other ex's after they cheated on me. She was there for me.... one day she just told me out of the blue that I was everything she was looking for... and I had some feelings for her just cuz she was always there for me and had that girlfriend quality So we tried dating... then literally a month into our relationship she says her ex is back and all this and she left me for him. It DEVASTATED me that my best friend would do that, for a month straight i was very very upset and i thought " this is the last straw, no more relationships for me " 


I'm NOT a bad boyfriend. All my friends that are girls tell me they wish they could date a guy like me and everything. I'm polite, i was raised well, i come from a good background, I never yell or get mad really for that matter. I'm a chill guy. 


Anyway.. why i'm anxious... I have a new girlfriend now. Weve been together for 2 months and I think shes amazing. I know it may be too soon to tell, and its crazy that i feel this way so soon... but I know its how i feel about her. My dad always said " go after the girl that wants you, not a girl that YOU want" and she chose me first, she made the initiative and that was a first for me.... Shes a really good girlfriend, Probably the best Ive ever had. She'll make food for me, Clean my room, play with my dog, even buys him toys, She just bought my dad a birthday present. She makes my bed and I dont even ask her, i tell her not to but she insists. She also has a great job. When we hang out together its awesome, we laugh all night we get along so well, we have many inside jokes. I can tell she really really cares about me and I feel so bad but I really just cant stop thinking that one day this amazing girl will leave me for someone else or cheat on me like all the others did. 

I know its a crazy thought to think all this, But I like her so much. I dont know why but im falling for her really fast and I'm getting all these weird feelings. I havent said the " L " word to her yet and neither did she, I think were waiting for the other to say it first. She'll tell me things like Youre awesome, and I like you so much, youre the best boyfriend ever, corny things like that...

Its really bad and its all i think about lately. The past 3 nights i was up till 5 am thinking. 


what do I do? How do I get over this paranoid thinking ?


----------



## highlordmugfug

If you stress all the time about girls leaving you, they'll end up leaving you.

Just enjoy yourself and the relationship.


----------



## Faine

Exactly, and that in turn, is why i stress more. I dont want her to see it, i play it off pretty good that nothings bothering me.


----------



## highlordmugfug

You missed the point: STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT. Just live and enjoy things the way they are, no point in worrying about something that hasn't been shown to be an issue yet (especially with the way you described things).


----------



## ATOMICxTomato

So i knew i would one day post in this thread but didnt know when. Well anyways i have a question for you guys. So theres this girl that goes to my school who i find very attractive but the thing is that i kinda had a chance to get with her last year but pussied out, i was a junior then and she was a freshmen, but still. I had her for a class last year but we never talked just kinda exchanged looks. She tried talking to me several times but i was too much of a pussie then to even talk to her, or any girl really. So this year i am now a senior and graduate in like 3 weeks or so. Ive seen her around halls and what not but if she sees me then she tries to avoid making eye contact even though i keep at looking at her. So my friend just keeps telling me to talk to her somehow, and if given the chance i think i would but not sure. But i just kinda want to forget about the whole thing cause this isnt really the fisrt time ive fucked up like this. He says that im probably afriad to get rejected, which now if i think about it its true. But i also think that it would be kinda creepy if i did try. So tomorrow is prom, which i am goin to, and theres also gonna be this pretty big afterparty. And i have a feeling she will probably be there since the guy hosting the party is telling everyone not only seniors. Basically my question is if i do see her there should i try to talk to her or just forget about it since im already gonna graduate?


----------



## Bekanor

Crap, date is off for tonight, rescheduled for tomorrow. Wahs.


----------



## highlordmugfug

*quote was here*
Hmmm.

*other quotes were here*
You'd better hope she doesn't find this thread, the way you're talking about her, and the stuff you're telling us or it'll be postponed to the quite-so-distant never. 

[/me_being_sick_of_the_love_and_relationship_thread_being_the_"Sex"_and_the_nasty_mother_fuckers_who_ain't_having_it_(_and_seem_hellbent_on_stupidly_yammering_on_about_it_)_which_isn't_surprising_considering_the_way_they_seem_to_handle_themselves]


----------



## HaMMerHeD

So here's a bit of an update on the woman I talked about a few pages ago (here).

It's been about 2 months since the first time I went out with her, and things are going very well. I took her to a nice restaurant a few days before my birthday, where we had our first kiss. She took me out for drinks on my birthday, after which we made out quite aggressively. We have since spent a lot of time together. She helps me with my anxiety and depression, and I help her with her problems as well.

She is a wonderful person, inside and out. And she says she loves me, which is a bit surreal. I have no reason to doubt her words, but on some level it's hard to believe that a person such as her could care about a person such as me. It's a good feeling, and I love her too. After the time we have spent together, it has become plainly apparent that she is the incarnation of everything I have looked for in a woman. On top of that, she says that I am everything she looks for in a man. So that's good.

I have taken to writing her letters almost every day. I bought some cotton paper and a pen with archival ink. As often as I can, I sit down and tell her what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling. She has saved everything I have given her.

I'm not sure what is going to happen tomorrow, but today I'm happy.

Only problem is, she is way too beautiful for me (so I say, so she disagrees). I've got to fix my diet and join a gym and get in shape, so that when we're out in public, she can be as proud to be with me as I am with her. (She says she already is, but I'm going to do it anyway.)


----------



## guitarister7321

TheBigGroove said:


> a simple "hey what's up this is ______" will suffice...that is if she knows your name
> 
> and as far as texting is concerned, I like to wait like 10-20x as long as she does between texts...if she replies in 30 seconds, I'll wait a solid ten. If she takes 2 minutes, bitch please you get a half hour




I did this, and it seemed to have worked!  We were texting each other all day yesterday and today. We're going to the movies tonight too!


----------



## BabUShka

Movies are nice! Start out with movies then dinner, so you'll get to know her better. Nothings better than a long night with good dialogs, that way you'll show her that you have something in common by having something to talk about  Doesnt have to be a restaurant, bring her to your place and make some tacos together. That whay there's like 90% chance you'll get desert  Or just a nice day and a second chance  
Anyways, good luck!



HaMMerHeD said:


> She is a wonderful person, inside and out. And she says she loves me, which is a bit surreal. I have no reason to doubt her words, but on some level it's hard to believe that a person such as her could care about a person such as me.



Screw that! Just be happy for what she gives you, and take it as a compliment. 1. Maybe your much more handsome than you think you are. 2. She likes you just the way you are. What more can a man want. I'm sure ugly ass hell myself, but my woman makes me happy and confident, that's the only thing that matters. 
Just enjoy it as long as you can, show her that she makes you confident, and not the other way..


----------



## HaMMerHeD

BabUShka said:


> Screw that! Just be happy for what she gives you, and take it as a compliment. 1. Maybe your much more handsome than you think you are. 2. She likes you just the way you are. What more can a man want. I'm sure ugly ass hell myself, but my woman makes me happy and confident, that's the only thing that matters.
> Just enjoy it as long as you can, show her that she makes you confident, and not the other way..



Oh, I am happy with what she gives me, and I make sure she knows it. She does give me a lot of confidence, and likewise, I make sure she knows it. But at the same time, a little self-motivated self-improvement is never a bad thing. She thinks I'm great just how I am, but I want to be better for her.


----------



## BabUShka

Good to hear man! As you're saying - there's always room for improvement. Thats something to remember..


----------



## Bekanor

Mugfug could you remove those quotes from your post?

Thanks.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Man. I was doing so well at not caring about being single, then like a jackass I had to up and move to a country where I'm SURROUNDED by hotties everywhere I go. I'm back to fixating on it more than I should, and two failed attempts at getting something started so far sure didn't help. My knee needs to hurry up and heal enough to allow me to at least go out on weekends to try and meet new people.

I'm too old for this nonsense.


----------



## MFB

Don't worry Tim, I'm in kind of the same situation except it's the part of San Francisco that borders Japan AND Chinatown vs. Korea  So. many. asians.


----------



## highlordmugfug

Bekanor said:


> Mugfug could you remove those quotes from your post?
> 
> Thanks.






I will however, acknowledge that this is hilarious to me.


----------



## Faine

So I hung out with my girlfriend today, things were perfect and we had a fire/cookout in the backyard with my family. I just dropped her off and she didn't want to go home but we have to be up early for my friends baptism for his daughter!

I guess Im just paranoid and just think too much. But things are great and I have nothing to worry about


----------



## highlordmugfug

Faine said:


> So I hung out with my girlfriend today, things were perfect and we had a fire/cookout in the backyard with my family. I just dropped her off and she didn't want to go home but we have to be up early for my friends baptism for his daughter!
> 
> I guess Im just paranoid and just think too much. *But things are great and I have nothing to worry about*


That's the spirit man!


----------



## Faine

Haha thank you.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

The plot thickens:

"Hi~^^sorry i just checked your text. 
My phon sth wrong.
I am working night duty
So how about school?
Is Everthing good?^^
Take care of you!
See you later....someday ~
Let's keep in touch...."


----------



## Fiction

YEAH BOOOOIIIIIII! WOOP WOOP! GO GET 'ER TIGER!!
L WAHHHOOOOOO YA BLOOODDYYY RIPPPEEEERRRRR!!!! ROOOARR!!!

....

Glad to hear its back on, about time something good happens to your wonderful bearded soul.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Good show.
It's a shame her phon sth wrong, though.


----------



## vampiregenocide

I've been with my girlfriend for almost 4 months now, and she's awesome. The first girl I've been with that hasn't had strings attached or been batshit insane. She's funny, cute and more understanding than anyone I've been with. Really happy with her, which I haven't felt in some time.


----------



## That_One_Person

Guys I need to vent hard. This is real serious stuff

So I was "seeing" this girl for around 5 months. Things started off more physical than emotional, which kinda sucked but whatever. Fast forward to yesterday. I was upset because she basically ignored me all of friday and she just up and left. Turns out she spent all day until 6 am today plastered with her friends and ended up making out with some other guy. She says that he only wants her as a practice girlfriend for college. I on the other hand, saw what was good in her and actually had feelings for her. She even told me that she loved me two weeks ago. I am just in the absolute worst spot right now. I need your help ss.org. Please refrain from rock, etc. comments though.


----------



## Faine

Idk man, if you tell her how you feel and see her as a potential girlfriend and she continues to get plastered and make out/ and is a practice sex toy... I'd definitely say peace that shit. She sounds like she has no self respect, why would she respect you?


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

Oh dang man... That's rough. And although I can't offer any advice to you myself, the rest of us are here for you. 

UPDATE OTHERWISE: Everything is going great on my end, we're hanging out on Wednesday .


----------



## That_One_Person

Faine said:


> Idk man, if you tell her how you feel and see her as a potential girlfriend and she continues to get plastered and make out/ and is a practice sex toy... I'd definitely say peace that shit. She sounds like she has no self respect, why would she respect you?



Yeah man. It only happened once but I am hurt beyond hurt. I cannot believe such a thing happened to me.


----------



## Faine

It will hurt for a few days. Maybe even a couple weeks. But you'll by over it. We all do. Gotta take care of yourself


----------



## flint757

If it happened once I assure you it will happen again. Trust me I have experienced somewhat similar circumstances.

Basically what Faine said is true she doesn't respect herself she will never respect you and as the saying goes once a cheater always a cheater. Sounds a little to final, but about half of my relationships have been repeat cheaters. Hate to say it, but this probably isn't the first time either.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

I think some people have a mental/moral block that keeps them from cheating, and some people don't. If it's happened once, well... guess what.

Cheaters cheat, once a cheater always a cheater, yadda yadda yadda. Drop it like a hot potato, man. I dated a chick for a year and a half and I was totally crushed when I found out she cheated on me. Crushed as I was, though, I broke things off the _day_ I found out, with no attempts to reconcile the relationship at all. Some lines just shouldn't be crossed, and anyone who disprespects you so much that they'll cheat flat out doesn't deserve to be with someone who won't. Simple as.


----------



## metal_sam14

Grand Moff Tim said:


> I think some people have a mental/moral block that keeps them from cheating, and some people don't. If it's happened once, well... guess what.
> 
> Cheaters cheat, once a cheater always a cheater, yadda yadda yadda. Drop it like a hot potato, man. I dated a chick for a year and a half and I was totally crushed when I found out she cheated on me. Crushed as I was, though, I broke things off the _day_ I found out, with no attempts to reconcile the relationship at all. Some lines just shouldn't be crossed, and anyone who disprespects you so much that they'll cheat flat out doesn't deserve to be with someone who won't. Simple as.



This.

My ex was cheating scum, when I found out (and who it was with) I removed any lines of communication, and I avoid the store that the guy works at, because I don't trust myself around him.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

I actually still talk to the chick who cheated on me. I hate that it happened and I'll never forgive that one indiscretion, but she's also the only chick I've ever really, _truly_ been able to "talk to," if you know what I mean. No, not sexually, you perverts. Can we be friends? Sure. With benefits? Occasionally. A couple? Absolutely not.


----------



## Alberto7

Fortunately, I've never been "properly" cheated on before. The only time I got somewhat of a taste of how utterly shitty it is, was with this girl a couple of years back to whom I was very emotionally attached, and whom I thought was near perfect. We had something going on for about a month and a half (sexual contact had already happened), when I saw her making out, tongue-deep with intense groping included, with some guy who was about 15 years older than her, who was married with 2 kids. That sight was bizarre and I felt so disgusted. Needless to say, I felt extremely offended and just cheated on. Like I'd been tricked into it. I've rarely spoken to her after that.

A couple of my closest friends have had similar, if not worse, experiences to yours... They ended their respective relationships and, guess what? Those same girls, despite having apologized to no end, have both cheated on all of their following relationships. So yeah, I do believe that once a cheater, always a cheater.



Grand Moff Tim said:


> I actually still talk to the chick who cheated on me. I hate that it happened and I'll never forgive that one indiscretion, but she's also the only chick I've ever really, _truly_ been able to "talk to," if you know what I mean. No, not sexually, you perverts. *Can we be friends? Sure. With benefits? Occasionally. A couple? Absolutely not.*



I've always wondered how people do that. I can never have a "friend" with whom I have sex. Always, every single time, I've ended up having feelings for her. Unless it's a one night thing, I can't do it. I guess I'm too soft inside . That's part of the reason why I'm pathetic with girls haha.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

It gets easier not to be too emotionally attached once you've broken up with them for cheating on you .

EDIT: Also, she went on to cheat on every boyfriend she had after me except her current husband, and honestly, it's only a matter of time...


----------



## JStraitiff

So I was "dating" this girl for about 3 months or so but the reason I quote it is she was cheating on me a lot and there were a lot of dynamics. I let the cheating go because it was her ex boyfriend who she was still sorta involved with at the same time as me. But then when she was finally done with him and I obviously should have been priority at that point, she starts dating another guy and I was like "fuck you bitch". So I didn't talk to her for a month or so.

The other day i get a call at 2:30am from a number I didn't recognize and it turns out to be her. She just got out of surgery. She got her appendix removed. I ended up sitting on the phone with her until 7:30am because she was so scared and she kept telling me how she loved me. Note she was on narcotics. I've been talking to her since and now I'm pretty much back to being totally in love with her again. She is still dating the new guy but it's a terrible relationship. I know from past experience that she won't be leaving him for me and it'll just end up stupid again but I keep digging my own grave lol.

What would you do? Say fuck her and stop talking again? Try to date her again? Try to get something out of it without getting too involved? Im an idiot for falling into this but I don't give a fuck right now. I'm not in my right mind. Advise please.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Deffo don't try to date her again. If she needs a friend to talk to about shit and you think you can handle that, then fine. If you think you can't talk to her without getting silly about it, then let her find solace elsewhere. Seriously though, don't try to date her. Even if she _did_ leave him for you, if she'll cheat on another man with you, she'll cheat on you with another man.


----------



## flint757

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Deffo don't try to date her again. If she needs a friend to talk to about shit and you think you can handle that, then fine. If you think you can't talk to her without getting silly about it, then let her find solace elsewhere. Seriously though, don't try to date her. Even if she _did_ leave him for you, if she'll cheat on another man with you, she'll cheat on you with another man.



QFT


----------



## JStraitiff

Yea I definitely gotta get out of this. its going to be extremely difficult. 

Edit: Yea so I'm not doing a very good job getting out lol. We'll see what happens I guess


----------



## Pav

JStraitiff said:


> So I was "dating" this girl for about 3 months or so but the reason I quote it is she was cheating on me a lot and there were a lot of dynamics. I let the cheating go because it was her ex boyfriend who she was still sorta involved with at the same time as me. But then when she was finally done with him and I obviously should have been priority at that point, she starts dating another guy and I was like "fuck you bitch". So I didn't talk to her for a month or so.
> 
> The other day i get a call at 2:30am from a number I didn't recognize and it turns out to be her. She just got out of surgery. She got her appendix removed. I ended up sitting on the phone with her until 7:30am because she was so scared and she kept telling me how she loved me. Note she was on narcotics. I've been talking to her since and now I'm pretty much back to being totally in love with her again. She is still dating the new guy but it's a terrible relationship. I know from past experience that she won't be leaving him for me and it'll just end up stupid again but I keep digging my own grave lol.
> 
> What would you do? Say fuck her and stop talking again? Try to date her again? Try to get something out of it without getting too involved? Im an idiot for falling into this but I don't give a fuck right now. I'm not in my right mind. Advise please.


I've been in an eerily similar situation. Take it from someone with experience: get out of it as quickly and firmly as you can. Unless you genuinely feel nothing and just feel like having some ass to pound now and then, she will NEVER stop jerking you the fuck around. The only way for people like that to really learn is to fuck up and see what happens. In this case, it wouldn't be wrong of you to not give this girl the time of day, and based on how you describe your past, that's exactly what you should be doing. If she's just going to be bouncing from one dick to another, don't enable her with yours.

Wow, this feels so familiar, haha. Hopefully my past experiences don't cloud my judgement to the point of just sounding like some heartbroken asshole.


----------



## Faine

^ It's really simple. Just leave her. Like pav said, if shes jumping from dick to dick she has no self respect and she WONT respect you or your feelings. You deserve a better chick who focuses all her attention on you and only you. All I can say is " ew "


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Me: 
"We should try to meet somewhere the next time you have some free time. It'd be nice to see you again."

Cute Korean nurse:
"Why not~~^^
O.K!!!
i will check my schedule.
Have a good day~~&#46041;&#49373;
*^^* "


The Korean at the end means "little brother." She's being cheeky.


----------



## Sicarius

I've spent way too much time watching "We Got Married" for Taeyon from SNSD.

my brain melted, and not I want to go to Korea.

TIM, SEND ME A TICKET.

I graduate saturday, and have been forced into walking. Which is fine, now that one of my friends I had a bunch of classes with is walking, too.

Being single isn't so bad, since I know I need to get my shit together first. I'm really bored though.


----------



## CyborgSlunk

So I´m meeting that one girl for a few months, but it´s like both of us waits for the other to make the first move. She was the one that started contacting me, and already has written things like "I was thinking about you a lot", so she´s obviously into me. We´re probably meeting again this week end, so I´m going to try to be a little more direct. I´m curious how this will turn out, as I really do not have any experience about those thing .


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Another update: Just got a text from the nurse saying she's free next Tuesday evening and asking if I want to meet her somewhere then.

Giggitty.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Another update: Just got a text from the nurse saying she's free next Tuesday evening and asking if I want to meet her somewhere then.
> 
> Giggitty.


 
False alarm. After texting back saying that was cool, my coworker informed me that there's an after school dinner that day and all of the teachers are going. Nevermind that it'll mean me missing ANOTHER day of physical therapy due to work (missed it this Tuesday, too), because fuck my knee, I guess.

Fuck. It was nice having something to look forward to for half an hour, I guess.


----------



## flint757

Grand Moff Tim said:


> False alarm. After texting back saying that was cool, my coworker informed me that there's an after school dinner that day and all of the teachers are going. Nevermind that it'll mean me missing ANOTHER day of physical therapy due to work (missed it this Tuesday, too), because fuck my knee, I guess.
> 
> Fuck. It was nice having something to look forward to for half an hour, I guess.



Do you have to go to the function? I'd skip it if you think it hurts your chances, sounds more fun anyways.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

flint757 said:


> Do you have to go to the function? I'd skip it if you think it hurts your chances, sounds more fun anyways.


 
I have no say in the matter whatsoever.


----------



## flint757

^^Sucks man. All well sounds like she's interested I'm sure she'll try again


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Looks like we're going to shoot for Tuesday after next. Sucks to have to wait that long, but it's better than nothing.


----------



## JStraitiff

As much as I appreciate all your input I think I'm going to give her another chance. This may just be me being naive but sometimes I feel like there's more to it than the logical choice. There's one thing I forgot to mention about her is that in the time we were together I fell in love with her. Despite the issues, she's been the most caring and closest girl I've ever been with. Not to mention she's hot as hell 

Ever since the hospital ive been talking to her every day and she's been very loving. I've been singing her to sleep the last couple nights too. Ugh. She makes it so difficult because I love her so much but I'm afraid she's going to be influenced into making the wrong choice. Its not so much an issue of her being a whore and jumping from dick to dick, rather she has a difficult time making her own decisions (which is another problem entirely).

I'll let you know how it goes but for now I've just been trying to be supportive and loving.


----------



## flint757

JStraitiff said:


> As much as I appreciate all your input I think I'm going to give her another chance. This may just be me being naive but sometimes I feel like there's more to it than the logical choice. There's one thing I forgot to mention about her is that in the time we were together I fell in love with her. Despite the issues, she's been the most caring and closest girl I've ever been with. Not to mention she's hot as hell
> 
> Ever since the hospital ive been talking to her every day and she's been very loving. I've been singing her to sleep the last couple nights too. Ugh. She makes it so difficult because I love her so much but I'm afraid she's going to be influenced into making the wrong choice. Its not so much an issue of her being a whore and jumping from dick to dick, rather she has a difficult time making her own decisions (which is another problem entirely).
> 
> I'll let you know how it goes but for now I've just been trying to be supportive and loving.



Best of luck and ultimately it is most important you make the decision anyways just don't let your emotions get the better of you. Trust me no matter how something feels your heart WILL betray you. In other words if she screws up again I'd say this is the line kind of thing.

Anyhow I'm rootin for ya.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^word. I think your best bet is to make her work to keep YOU for a change. Women dont value any man that's too easy to keep, so maybe make yourself unavailable every now and then, and if she wants your attention she'll work to keep it. If she doesn't, well there's your indicator right there. I only even say this because I was in a similar situation, and did everything I could to "earn and deserve" this gorgeous, awesome girl, and she didn't give a shit, fucked a drummer within two weeks anyway. As soon as i nutted up and started ignoring her texts and doing my own thing, she gets interested. So did her best friend. Guess how that turned out 

Just never attach too much meaning to ONE girl who may or may not feel the same about you, real lasting affection is always mutual, the one-sided kind never serves your interestes. I hope it works out for you dawg!


----------



## Skyblue

I introduced my gf to one of my best friends, and now it feels like they're getting slightly too close, to the point where it's getting weird. I don't doubt her for a second, and I don't think he'll try to pull any move of any sort, but it's still weird... I really don't want to tell either of them not to see each other or something like that. 

I feel like crap right now...


----------



## flint757

As long as things don't go beyond flirting I'd say let it be. You don't want to be THAT guy if you know what I mean. Saying something will only have negative repercussions. (usually)


----------



## Faine

Yeah girls and best friends hate that mistrust. Girls especially


----------



## JStraitiff

glassmoon0fo said:


> ^word. I think your best bet is to make her work to keep YOU for a change. Women dont value any man that's too easy to keep, so maybe make yourself unavailable every now and then, and if she wants your attention she'll work to keep it. If she doesn't, well there's your indicator right there. I only even say this because I was in a similar situation, and did everything I could to "earn and deserve" this gorgeous, awesome girl, and she didn't give a shit, fucked a drummer within two weeks anyway. As soon as i nutted up and started ignoring her texts and doing my own thing, she gets interested. So did her best friend. Guess how that turned out
> 
> Just never attach too much meaning to ONE girl who may or may not feel the same about you, real lasting affection is always mutual, the one-sided kind never serves your interestes. I hope it works out for you dawg!



I agree with that. She responds similarly. Sometimes she gets too used to having me around and starts to take me for granted. This girl has some growing up to do still but shes coming along. I do my best to be there for her but im trying to keep some distance this time around. Sometimes its as easy as not responding to a few texts.

Anyway im pretty stressed over the whole thing at the moment. I want it to work out. Ive written two songs for her in the last 2 days.. lol. We were supposed to hang out tomorrow but then we both realized its mothers day. So i guess thats getting put off for a bit. Probably for the best anyway cause i cant execute the songs live yet and have minimal lyrics. I love being a musician. No better way to make a girl feel loved than with a song


----------



## Pav

Quick question for you guys...I have eyes for a girl. Already asked her out, she's already said yes. The problem is that we both work - a LOT - and it's been tough to match up our schedules and find a time to actually get together for the first time. Asking her out on Mother's Day: bad idea? Just by looking at that in text it seems like an obviously stupid thing to try, but it's been nearly a week and I'm getting impatient to get things going with this girl.


----------



## flint757

Suppose that depends on if either of you have plans. If not I don't see why it's be odd.


----------



## Pav

That's the problem. I'm not doing anything, but for all I know she could be spending the day at a mother's day festival or some shit.  I guess for some reason I'm hesitant to even try asking...because of some pseudo-holiday. But I'm even more hesitant to put it off any longer.


----------



## JStraitiff

Pav said:


> Quick question for you guys...I have eyes for a girl. Already asked her out, she's already said yes. The problem is that we both work - a LOT - and it's been tough to match up our schedules and find a time to actually get together for the first time. Asking her out on Mother's Day: bad idea? Just by looking at that in text it seems like an obviously stupid thing to try, but it's been nearly a week and I'm getting impatient to get things going with this girl.



Im in the same boat as you, man. I had plans for sunday but then we both realized it was mothers day so now im gonna have to wait a week. It sucks cause now we get to sit and stress like crazy until another time lines up lol.


----------



## Pav

JStraitiff said:


> Im in the same boat as you, man. I had plans for sunday but then we both realized it was mothers day so now im gonna have to wait a week. It sucks cause now we get to sit and stress like crazy until another time lines up lol.



Yeah this sucks hard. I asked her out a week ago, and since then, nothing. Aside from the occasional facebook bs. I just haven't had the chance and don't want to start things off by trying to squeeze her in, but now I'm starting to worry that I look like some pussy who wants to talk about it and not do anything about it.


----------



## GhostsofAcid

Pav said:


> Yeah this sucks hard. I asked her out a week ago, and since then, nothing. Aside from the occasional facebook bs. I just haven't had the chance and don't want to start things off by trying to squeeze her in, but now I'm starting to worry that I look like some pussy who wants to talk about it and not do anything about it.



I'm sure she understands that scheduling can be a bitch sometimes, I wouldn't stress out over it too much. Me and my gf wanted to do something today but with Mother's day we're both busy, its not a big deal, we just pushed our plans to later in the week.

Also irrelevant but I'm about two hours away from you


----------



## Pav

GhostsofAcid said:


> I'm sure she understands that scheduling can be a bitch sometimes, I wouldn't stress out over it too much. Me and my gf wanted to do something today but with Mother's day we're both busy, its not a big deal, we just pushed our plans to later in the week.
> 
> Also irrelevant but I'm about two hours away from you



Haha nice, whereabouts/what city you near?

I decided to say fuck it. It's been a week and I've said and done nothing. I just asked her if she would want to get together tonight...the worst she can say is no, she's busy, and we'll put it off for later, right?

/holds breath

EDIT: Aaaaaaaaaand she's busy. That was painless, we'll just try again later this week. Sigh of relief.


----------



## Sicarius

So.... What'd I miss? Tim did you have a nice date with your lady nurse?


----------



## Genome

Grand Moff Tim said:


> I think some people have a mental/moral block that keeps them from cheating, and some people don't. If it's happened once, well... guess what.
> 
> Cheaters cheat, once a cheater always a cheater, yadda yadda yadda. Drop it like a hot potato, man. I dated a chick for a year and a half and I was totally crushed when I found out she cheated on me. Crushed as I was, though, I broke things off the _day_ I found out, with no attempts to reconcile the relationship at all. Some lines just shouldn't be crossed, and anyone who disprespects you so much that they'll cheat flat out doesn't deserve to be with someone who won't. Simple as.



Not potentially.

I'm ashamed to say that I kissed another girl during an old relationship, the night I had just moved out of home and into university. I can safely say I will absolutely, never ever do anything like it again. It completely and utterly mentally wrecked me with guilt (and I deserved it, of course) - never again. Learned a big lesson that night. 

Luckily she was forgiving enough to continue.


----------



## flint757

Ahhh but now we have to define cheating 

That is a complicated can of worms...


----------



## Metal_Webb

flint757 said:


> I'm not quite sure what your issue is man. Your english is kind of broken could you rephrase that maybe?



It's because they're a spammer. The broken picture link (copy the URL) leads to a website that gives you a cookie. There was a thread about it a little while back on site support or in off topic.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Sicarius said:


> So.... What'd I miss? Tim did you have a nice date with your lady nurse?


 
Next Tuesday, unless something else comes up at work again.

Knock on particle board.


----------



## Konfyouzd

If you need to define cheating chances are whatever you're discussing IS cheating and you just need confirmation from some other asshat that you are somehow not a douche.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

.


----------



## Konfyouzd

How old are you?


----------



## iPotato12

I chilled with my girlfriend on Mother's day, after spending the day with my mom, of course. I won my girlfriend a stuffed snake at some place, she always says she wants a snake, hah. Things went fine until her best friend stole her from me to go get frozen yogurt.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

iPotato12 said:


> I won my girlfriend a stuffed snake at some place, she always says she wants a snake, hah.


 

Man. Golden opportunity missed.


----------



## flint757

Metal_Webb said:


> It's because they're a spammer. The broken picture link (copy the URL) leads to a website that gives you a cookie. There was a thread about it a little while back on site support or in off topic.



Good to know 



Konfyouzd said:


> If you need to define cheating chances are whatever you're discussing IS cheating and you just need confirmation from some other asshat that you are somehow not a douche.



Oh I totally agree I was being sassy when I said that. What you're saying is more or less how I feel bout it, but it isn't totally off mark some women think masturbation is cheating and I'm 100% certain in my own mind it isn't so there is a line, but where....


----------



## glassmoon0fo

flint757 said:


> Good to know
> 
> 
> 
> Oh I totally agree I was being sassy when I said that. What you're saying is more or less how I feel bout it, but it isn't totally off mark* some women think masturbation is cheating *and I'm 100% certain in my own mind it isn't so there is a line, but where....


 
Trippin', bitches be.


----------



## AcousticMinja

Help...I'm getting cheated on and I KNOW it...yet, somehow, I manage to stick around...
I know this is long, but please, I really would like some advice. Here or PM doesn't matter to me. 

Long story short (still rather longish) I've been on and off with this girl for 3-4 years. We've always seemed to somehow manage to get back to eachother after each and every time. She's cheated on me nearly every time we've broken up, though. Around last month, I was playing some xbox live with her, and she asked me to help make her a new email so she could make a new gold account (her computer is broken) so I do, she makes a new account, adds me, tells me to help her get achievements in CoD 2 (so I end up buying it so I can play with her on it), and etc. Cool, works out for a while. I get on every now and then and I started joining her games every now and then (I had no friends on there, I rarely played CoD). She got pissed at me and told me "DO YOU HAVE TO JOIN EVERY SINGLE FUCKING GAME?" I told her I don't and I left that match. So, a few days later, she has "4-23-12<333" on her xbox. I ask her what that meant and she said "oh, it was a dumb make fun of 4/20 day thing my clan did since everyone has that on their profile". I couldn't help but feel a horrible feeling in the back of my mind, but I decided to shrug it off and let it go. A day or so passes, I get online, join one of her games and see that yet ANOTHER guy on there has 4-23-12 on his pro. Except, this time, it said <3 B 4/23/12 M <3 (her name starts with an M btw...)
That made my heart sink into my stomach, I had this HORRIBLE feeling and I tried to restrain myself, but I ended up asking the guy. He said nothing, but told my girlfriend, and she got EXTREMELY pissed off. Saying "YOU'RE YELLING AT THE WRONG GUY." I then found yet another guy who had 4/23/12<3 on his profile...his name started with a B. That guy I messaged was the clan leader...I found out that was just him showing his support for them or something...so I message that guy and just straight asked him I'm only looking for honesty and that I was wondering if they were dating. He doesn't reply either and tells her about it. We ended up breaking up. She comes back later and we talk it over, she says she wasn't cheating, and blah blah blah. Odd though, is that she told me she doesn't deserve me and that she hasn't been a very good girlfriend. Stupidly, I decided to go, "awe, it's okay, we all make mistakes, I just like you for you" or something like that and she told me that she loves me, and that I'm her "best friend ever". She then tells me that "I know I don't always show it and that I think I'm hot shit and I can get any guy, but you make me want to be a better person and no one has ever made me feel that way. since the first day we've met I've always had strong feelings for you and it hurts when I fuck it up."
I literally wanted to cry, because I saw that as two things:

A. She wanted to change
B. She vaguely admitted the things she's done to me

She's always denied shit like that...whenever I would catch her cheating on me it was either "OH NO HE'S JUST MY EX" or "Oh, I don't know him. He's just some guy that keeps hitting on me" and then quickly changes the subject and would get mad if I pursued it any further. 
Anyway, we got back together and she seemed very happy... 
But then that horrific feeling came back... I could not shake it or get rid of it. It was eating at the back of my mind and no matter what I did, it would not subside.
I can't exactly remember the events that led up to this, because at this point, I was losing a ton of sleep over this and felt like I was becoming something I wasn't. 
There was a guy who was messaging her and I back and forth ( I guess he knew us both on a previous account? ). He apparently messaged the guy I messaged previously and told him that he was being cheated on by her. I got a forwarded message from the guy who said he said something like "You, whoever you are, are pathetic. Her and I are happy and nothing you say can change that. The things you say are obviously a lie. I won't let her be 'controlled' by her EX boyfriend" Then another message saying something like "wanna know why? Because I won't let him. Just know that your "friend" has been replaced by someone far greater than he is. Don't bother replying, I'm blocking you. Good day to you."
After I read that, I literally became numb. I tried getting her to explain herself, but she was asleep. I sent a few text messages asking why that was sent to me and the next day she calls me freaking out and tells me that it was basically a lie and that she told people to say stupid things to that guy if he ends up messaging him. The idiot side of me felt okay, so we talked for a few hours, got over it and were fine. The next few days were great...she talked to me (and btw, she would ignore me for a bit, just so you know...unless she wanted me to buy her microsoft points) often and we talked about going on a road trip together to San Francisco for her 22nd. I started saving money, planning, etc. She told me I should try to find out who that guy is that messaged us, so I send him a couple messages trying to be his friend and stuff...he never told me his name, but I was trying to get it out of him.
I get a message later on in the day saying that he's not going to tell the truth unless she tells the truth to me and that other guy she's supposedly with. He said that there's overwhelming evidence to show that we're being cheated on. 
Then I started feeling a bit...weird. Not normal at all. I tried pushing that feeling away and whatnot. Today, I looked on Facebook and on my people you may know thing, a weirdly familiar face showed up...with a name to sort of match. I click on that profile and low and behold, it's that guy I thought she cheated on me with. His latest post said something about his ex, and that he was now in a "happy relationship with someone else" and mentioned something abut xbox and the like. That basically confirmed to me that holy shit, they probably ARE together. 

Now that I read back on this all, ALL The signs point to that she IS lying to me and that she IS cheating...but at the same time, I don't know if I'm just being paranoid because my actions weren't the greatest either. But she's also cheated on me before...and she's manipulated me so many times...I've seriously put my heart and soul into this relationship and all I'm getting back are illusions of what could and should be. But if it's true, I can't help but feel like shit because she makes me feel like the lowest form of life on the earth. Like scum. I've been losing sleep over this...last night, I barely could get to sleep and when I finally did, I only got about 5 hours. Tonight is probably going to be the same. I'm just sitting here and thinking why oh fucking why is this even happening. I know in my mind I'm probably right, but my heart wants me to be completely wrong. Or perhaps it's my heart telling me I'm right and my mind telling me I'm so fucking wrong. 

I sometimes wish there was another way I could find out for sure...even if I could, I doubt she'd ever be honest with me about it. I wrote a song about this, too. It's really really eating away at me. 

What do you guy's think?


----------



## Konfyouzd

I saw all I needed to see in the first line. Leave her.


----------



## metal_sam14

Konfyouzd said:


> I saw all I needed to see in the first line. Leave her.



This, cheating is the absolute worst, don't stick around.


----------



## flint757

Once a cheater always a cheater and I'm leaning towards she is cheating right at this moment. lets say there is no one else there are still 2 of you, I doubt that other dude is lying she is totally manipulating you. Honestly, your relationship sounds like a one way street and you do a lot for her, but it doesn't sound like she returns the favor even when things are going good. I agree with konfyouzd walk away.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Dump her and start dating someone skinnier than she is. Even if she's already pretty skinny.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Girls like that are more trouble than they're worth. I've known a few, and they never change. You and her both know the way you wish she was, but it sounds to me like that just isn't who she is. That girl is a vampire that you need to slay. Duncan Trussel explains it better than anyone else could:


----------



## AcousticMinja

I would, it's just so hard to do so. I've run out of things to say to her, and I don't want to think about her with someone else...my mind is like that and it makes me all of a sudden feel not good enough for her, when the reality is, she's probably not good enough for me. For the past few years, all I've been doing is trying to be good enough for her, trying to have her care about me. The irony of all this is, when we first met, I was in a band that had a song called "The Illusionist". That use to be her favorite song...and it's unfortunate to see that's exactly what she became. 

I mean, I would walk away...it's just, part of me feels like I should stick around. Maybe the other guy is the fool and she really is trying. But I can't help shake the feeling that maybe they're also "seeing" (I really can't bring myself to say the word right now) each other. They are 3 hours away, but still. I really don't want to find out. Perhaps I'm being ignorant. Thanks for that vid about the vampire thing, though. I will have to think this over some more. I probably just fear being alone and the pain associated with the breakup. Once you get into a routine of being with someone, no matter how bad it is, it's harder than you might think to just get up and walk away. :/


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

leave her behind, she treated you badly and is a grown human being, she's not your responsibility


----------



## flint757

AcousticMinja said:


> I would, it's just so hard to do so. I've run out of things to say to her, and I don't want to think about her with someone else...my mind is like that and it makes me all of a sudden feel not good enough for her, when the reality is, she's probably not good enough for me. For the past few years, all I've been doing is trying to be good enough for her, trying to have her care about me. The irony of all this is, when we first met, I was in a band that had a song called "The Illusionist". That use to be her favorite song...and it's unfortunate to see that's exactly what she became.
> 
> I mean, I would walk away...it's just, part of me feels like I should stick around. Maybe the other guy is the fool and she really is trying. But I can't help shake the feeling that maybe they're also "seeing" (I really can't bring myself to say the word right now) each other. They are 3 hours away, but still. I really don't want to find out. Perhaps I'm being ignorant. Thanks for that vid about the vampire thing, though. I will have to think this over some more. I probably just fear being alone and the pain associated with the breakup. Once you get into a routine of being with someone, no matter how bad it is, it's harder than you might think to just get up and walk away. :/



It sounds like you have some personal problems to overcome and trust me when I say that you NEED to be alone for awhile. Everyone I know who feels like they need a relationship become attached to the idea more than the person. You can't reevaluate yourself without some time by yourself. If you asked a psychologist not only would they tell you to leave her, but they'd tell you to not be in another relationship for it least 6 months...


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

flint757 said:


> Everyone I know who feels like they need a relationship become attached to the idea more than the person.


 

That right there, folks, is such an easy trap to fall in to. Such an easy, awful, terrible, demoralizing trap. Believe me, the sooner a person realizes that that's what's going on and deals with it, the sooner they can go on with their lives more confidently.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

AcousticMinja said:


> I would, it's just so hard to do so. I've run out of things to say to her, and I don't want to think about her with someone else...my mind is like that and it makes me all of a sudden feel not good enough for her, when the reality is, she's probably not good enough for me. For the past few years, all I've been doing is trying to be good enough for her, trying to have her care about me. The irony of all this is, when we first met, I was in a band that had a song called "The Illusionist". That use to be her favorite song...and it's unfortunate to see that's exactly what she became.
> 
> I mean, I would walk away...it's just, part of me feels like I should stick around. Maybe the other guy is the fool and she really is trying. But I can't help shake the feeling that maybe they're also "seeing" (I really can't bring myself to say the word right now) each other. They are 3 hours away, but still. I really don't want to find out. Perhaps I'm being ignorant. Thanks for that vid about the vampire thing, though. I will have to think this over some more. I probably just fear being alone and the pain associated with the breakup. Once you get into a routine of being with someone, no matter how bad it is, it's harder than you might think to just get up and walk away. :/


 
Level with yourself: are you confident in your ability to attract another woman? If you are then you need to get rid of this chick now and find somemone new, or be alone for a bit. If not, then you should get rid of this chick now ANYWAY and work on yourself. No woman is worth that kind of heartache and self-doubt. If she right for you to keep, she'd be working a lot harder to ease your fears. Sounds like she's fucking around and getting mad at you for calling her on it. It's really easy to be manipulated when you're love-blind, and only truly shitty people take advantage of that. 

Sorry for being so blunt, but I think if you were the 3rd party point of view in this whole thing, you'd probably see what I mean. Good luck man.


----------



## iPotato12

AcousticMinja said:


> I would, it's just so hard to do so. I've run out of things to say to her, and I don't want to think about her with someone else...my mind is like that and it makes me all of a sudden feel not good enough for her, when the reality is, she's probably not good enough for me. For the past few years, all I've been doing is trying to be good enough for her, trying to have her care about me. The irony of all this is, when we first met, I was in a band that had a song called "The Illusionist". That use to be her favorite song...and it's unfortunate to see that's exactly what she became.
> 
> I mean, I would walk away...it's just, part of me feels like I should stick around. Maybe the other guy is the fool and she really is trying. But I can't help shake the feeling that maybe they're also "seeing" (I really can't bring myself to say the word right now) each other. They are 3 hours away, but still. I really don't want to find out. Perhaps I'm being ignorant. Thanks for that vid about the vampire thing, though. I will have to think this over some more. I probably just fear being alone and the pain associated with the breakup. Once you get into a routine of being with someone, no matter how bad it is, it's harder than you might think to just get up and walk away. :/



Honestly dude, If you dump her now, you'll look back after about 6 months and say "Why did I ever give her a chance." I dated a girl for nearly 10 months, when we broke up, I thought it would be the hardest thing to get back up on my feet. But luckily, I had friends and family who were there for me, and in about 2 months I finally moved on. This was about 9-10 months ago, and looking back on it, I have no clue why I even dated her. Now I'm dating someone who is truly right for me. We act the same, we have similar personalities, and we're looking for the same things in a person. It's almost like we're brother and sister, but that would be creepy 

The point is, is that you're going to have a lot of relationships in your life. And through those relationships, you'll find out what you're looking for and what kind of people you need to avoid. And eventually, you'll shift through all these people to find the one person that matches your exact criteria. As long as you hold your end of the bargain strong, you should be smooth sailing from then on. Never give a reason for someone to pick a bone with you, be yourself, be sincere, and have no regrets.
/rant


----------



## Sicarius

going to ask buxom receptionist to a movie tomorrow afterwork.

that is if I'm not a sweating gross mess since I think we're starting a project in our storage shed at work tomorrow.


----------



## Pav

AcousticMinja said:


> I would, it's just so hard to do so. I've run out of things to say to her, and I don't want to think about her with someone else...my mind is like that and it makes me all of a sudden feel not good enough for her, when the reality is, she's probably not good enough for me. For the past few years, all I've been doing is trying to be good enough for her, trying to have her care about me. The irony of all this is, when we first met, I was in a band that had a song called "The Illusionist". That use to be her favorite song...and it's unfortunate to see that's exactly what she became.
> 
> I mean, I would walk away...it's just, part of me feels like I should stick around. Maybe the other guy is the fool and she really is trying. But I can't help shake the feeling that maybe they're also "seeing" (I really can't bring myself to say the word right now) each other. They are 3 hours away, but still. I really don't want to find out. Perhaps I'm being ignorant. Thanks for that vid about the vampire thing, though. I will have to think this over some more. I probably just fear being alone and the pain associated with the breakup. Once you get into a routine of being with someone, no matter how bad it is, it's harder than you might think to just get up and walk away. :/



I was in almost that EXACT situation. Stuck around for, say...two years? 

Biggest mistake of my life, no exaggeration. Dump her. It will be hard as hell at first, but you'll be amazed at how quickly you get over her and even find that you seriously feel BETTER with that shit out of your life. Life is too short and too stressful to begin with to throw part of your life away over someone that obviously doesn't have anywhere near the same amount of caring for you.


----------



## Konfyouzd

flint757 said:


> It sounds like you have some personal problems to overcome and trust me when I say that you NEED to be alone for awhile. Everyone I know who feels like they need a relationship become attached to the idea more than the person. You can't reevaluate yourself without some time by yourself. If you asked a psychologist not only would they tell you to leave her, but they'd tell you to not be in another relationship for it least 6 months...





This. I kinda used to be like acousticninja. Since then I've taken a break. A seven year break to be exact. And in that time I've been able to clear my head quite a bit. I think seven years is a *bit* much. In fact, I've become a bit jaded about relationships in general and brainwashed myself to think I'm better off... So now I'm trying to work my way into a comfy medium cuz I... Well women are fuckin' awesome and I want one. 

But I digress... I no longer have all the same silly hangups I had after my last break up after a bit of time to just do shit as an individual as opposed to always as a pair. 

EDIT: When I was in college and I used to feel the way AN does, my friend Will would always tell me, "We need to go on an All Night Cunt Hunt." 

I found it vulgar yet oh so catchy... We never did it.


----------



## BurnHouse

AcousticMinja said:


> I would, it's just so hard to do so. I've run out of things to say to her, and I don't want to think about her with someone else...my mind is like that and it makes me all of a sudden feel not good enough for her, when the reality is, she's probably not good enough for me. For the past few years, all I've been doing is trying to be good enough for her, trying to have her care about me. The irony of all this is, when we first met, I was in a band that had a song called "The Illusionist". That use to be her favorite song...and it's unfortunate to see that's exactly what she became.
> 
> I mean, I would walk away...it's just, part of me feels like I should stick around. Maybe the other guy is the fool and she really is trying. But I can't help shake the feeling that maybe they're also "seeing" (I really can't bring myself to say the word right now) each other. They are 3 hours away, but still. I really don't want to find out. Perhaps I'm being ignorant. Thanks for that vid about the vampire thing, though. I will have to think this over some more. I probably just fear being alone and the pain associated with the breakup. Once you get into a routine of being with someone, no matter how bad it is, it's harder than you might think to just get up and walk away. :/


 
been there... you just have to do it, man. life is just way too short to feel like shit every living moment. i mean; do you WANT TO be with someone you cant trust? everything she does, you will question her.... it's not a very meaningful relationship if you cant trust her and shes a pile of shit.

leave her dude... leave her... i feel these have to be repeated to you so you get it. leave her.

and don't let it off easy. if she gets the idea you are angry of this, the chances of her coming back are lessened. you break it off easy and let her know you'll still be friends might result in you two getting back together again.


----------



## MFB

Came to the conclusion, I really miss being a relationship.

Oh welp.


----------



## morrowcosom

Leave her, cut and dry. There are only a few billion other women left in the world. You could very easily form a strong relationship with another one. 

You do not sound very comfortable in your own skin. Just work on making yourself better (set goals and go full throttle and accomplish them), stick to your own core values and beliefs, and do not let people run over you, and the confidence will come through and attract women. 

If you hit on a chick and fail, you are not exactly being denied a rare commodity, being that there are a few other billion in the world. 

The chick you have now quite frankly sounds like a piece of shit. Are you not ready to be treated right? 

A good relationship is out there, you just have to go get it. 

Good Luck.


----------



## -42-

No carpal tunnel yet, so everything is golden.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

T minus two hours until my date with the Korean nurse.


----------



## Fiction

Eat garlic. Koreans love garlic.


----------



## tacotiklah

Kinda bummed. Bf doesn't come by anymore, and rarely texts me. Says he's busy a lot of the time, but I doubt it. Feels like I'm single again. I'll keep an open door for him, but at this point I'm kinda put off on dating and relationships for now. I need to focus more on getting my shit together. Getting into a band as a bassist has helped me take my mind off of him a bit, but I still feel like there's a hole right in the middle of me. I really do miss him. I figure though that if I was as important to him as he is to me, he would wanna talk to me more than maybe once a month. Not sure why I'm posting this since people generally don't care, but I kinda need to get this off my chest...


----------



## Genome

morrowcosom said:


> You do not sound very comfortable in your own skin. Just work on making yourself better (set goals and go full throttle and accomplish them), stick to your own core values and beliefs, and do not let people run over you, and the confidence will come through and attract women.



This is actually a generally good piece of advice. I've seen (and I've done it) a lot of guys mess up good relationships because they've lost their values, beliefs, and made their woman responsible for their happiness, leading to clingy and needy behaviour which in turn pushes the girl away. 

It sounds simple and obvious, but if you always act yourself then the right woman will come along and you will keep her. But so many guys 'get the girl' and then rest on their laurels, and having done it myself, it's really frustrating to see.


----------



## Pav

MFB said:


> Came to the conclusion, I really miss being a relationship.
> 
> Oh welp.



Nothing wrong with that. At my age I tend to get bored having no one to see or hang out with aside from whoever I run into at work.

And now I've finally got the attention of this beautiful blonde girl that I've been chasing for a month or two and I am shamelessly excited.


----------



## MFB

It's more just the fact that I can't START a relationship at the moment as I'm planning to move back east to Boston, and I'm a long-term kind of guy so I wouldn't have it in me to say "Look, here's the deal: I'm here until the 15th of June to have fun and be with you but after that it's done," and not only expect her to be cool with it but also expect ME not to feel anything after I leave.

Sidenote: I got a random FB message from my first ex saying she missed me, and it was just ...REALLY out of the blue since I haven't talked to her in like 2 years? Maybe more. But, she sent me her number saying she lost contacts and that we should hang over the summer which I'm fine with doing just really, really confused by the timing.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Mission Go On a Date with a Korean Chick: Complete. Analysis: Success.

I don't have any tales of machismo or sexual exploits to report, I'm afraid, just that I went on a date and had a really good time. We went out for Vietnamese food, which was a first for me, and it was great. It was summer rolls / vietnamese shabu-shabu, so it's one of those dishes asians seem to like that require alot of work and preparation on the part of the diner, but that actually served to prolong the dining experience and thus increase conversation and socialization time. 

Thankfully there were actually zero awkward lulls in the conversation the entire time, so when we were done with dinner we decided to go to a coffee shop. I thought we'd just go to one across the street or near the hospital where we met up before the date, but she apparently had a nice one in mind with a wooden dock outside near a lake with a pleasant atmosphere, so we hopped in her car and went there. 

After two absurdly expensive smoothies and another hour or two of lull-free conversation(!), we decided to call it a night. Fate had slightly different plans, though, because as we were pulling out of the parking lot, we noticed she had a flat tire. She was thoroughly embarrassed, at which I had to try to stifle my amusement a bit, but it didn't take too terribly long for her auto service to come and change the tire. I actually felt a bit helpless because I can change a damned tire, but I didn't get to play the hero because my stupid fucked up knee pretty much keeps me from doing anything more physically exerting than walking. After that interlude, she took me home, agreed we'd like to try to see eachother again, and I hobbled up to my apartment feeling like a giddy schoolboy.

A couple things of note: She insisted on paying for the dinner, since she's older than me (by less than a year) and my birthday is coming up, despite my telling her that for Americans it's customary for the man to pay and that I fully intended to. She said she thinks that's a good custom to have, but then got all sneaky-sneaky and went to pay the bill while she was answering a phone call.

Also, despite wanting to very badly, I ignored the urge to try to kiss her goodnight/goodbye. I wasn't sure how that sort of thing would fly in korea or how many dates one must go on before it's appropriate, and my ride to work this morning said I made the right call.



At any rate, I had a really good time, and I think she enjoyed herself too. We both want to try to see eachother again, and I hope it will be soon (as soon as our conflicting work schedules will allow, at least). She was really fun to hang out with and talk to, so I actually think I'm going to need to keep my emotions in check and not get attached too quickly. The last thing I need to do here in a foreign land where I'm lonely 80% of the time already is have a relationship that crashes and burns and adds that special flavor of sadness to the mix.

I will, as always, keep you guys posted on further developments, for some unknown reason.


----------



## HaMMerHeD

She dumped me. She hates me. Everything was a lie. Feeling pretty low. Not sure what I'm going to do.


----------



## MFB

Woah, uh maybe elaborate a bit more as to why she suddenly hates you or perhaps hated you from the start if "everything" was a lie?


----------



## HaMMerHeD

She broke up with me. Said she couldn't see a future. Said she wanted to love me, and told me she did because she thought i needed to hear it. She said she wanted to love me. Believed and hoped she eventually would. Then I lost my job (aboug 3 weeks ago) and my confidence took a big hit. After that, she just couldn't see me in the same light anymore and didnt think it was going anywhere.

So..it's over. She's gone. She cared, but didn't love me like she said she did.

Hates me because i reacted poorly to this happening. I admit i was less gracious than I could have been.


----------



## MFB

Ouch, that's kind of how my first girlfriend treated things. I chased after her for years, we dated for like a week than just didn't talk and I took it as a "I can't do this" then ended up dating one of my best friends for a while so I saw her all the time and was just like "Eh, get fucked." 

It sucked yeah, but it got better because I _made_ things get better and figured if she didn't want to be with me then why waste time thinking about her? You can be depressed and upset for a little bit, but there reaches a point where you have to man the fuck back up and say "I'm not gonna be pullin' any new pussy acting like this"


----------



## HaMMerHeD

Not really interested in "pulling any new pussy".


----------



## MFB

That comes after the 'being upset about what just happened' and the 'manning the fuck back up' part 

Last thing I would do is send you back out into bars/other social places and tell you "JUST GO FUCK WHATEVER WILL FUCK YOU BACK" and expect GOOD things to come out of that; that's a fucking recipe for disaster right there.


----------



## BlindingLight7

Well, my best friend is pregnant again, even though she thought she was being super cautious. shes freaking out...any tips to keep her calm? she wont have an abortion, and her parents already pretty much hate her for having a kid already and treat her like shit.


----------



## Genome

BlindingLight7 said:


> Well, my best friend is pregnant again, even though she thought she was being super cautious. shes freaking out...any tips to keep her calm? she wont have an abortion, and her parents already pretty much hate her for having a kid already and treat her like shit.



It'll be the shock of what's happened - when she accepts it, she'll be calmer. There's not a lot you can say to her other than it's happened now and there's not a lot you can do about it (obviously approach it tactfully). Is adoption an option?

(that's a great sentence)


----------



## BabUShka

Just came home from a really long day. I've been in this relationship for almost two years, with this wonderful girl. We've had like the best run ever, everything seemed to be really perfect. She just loved the way i used to joke around and be really silly some times, and i loved her for everything she was. Careful, beautiful, kind and really funny. But those last weeks have been so emotional. She've been really depressed over some stuff at home, work and many other things.. I've really tried to help her out, but kinda failed. Pluss things just turned around suddenly, and there's nothing more i could do about it. 
So we descided to break up. Today we talked about this really early and then just spent out last day together. We went out, ate some dinners, enjoyed the sun, just talke about the great times we've had, and in the end of the day we just said goodbye and thanked each other for eveything. 
I am really gonna miss this girl, she is the best thing that ever happened to me. I dont really know where to start, but one thing im sure of.. Im really really glad we spend the day together and left things really quiet with a sad smile without any hard feelings at all. This is probably why I really loved her. Even though its the end, she managed to make it easier than it should've been.


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## Sicarius

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Whole lotta Awesome



'Grats man, glad it all worked out!

I'm a chickenshit and could ask out the other receptionist.  There's always tomorrow.


----------



## -42-

HaMMerHeD said:


> She dumped me. She hates me. Everything was a lie. Feeling pretty low. Not sure what I'm going to do.



Time for a prescription from the doctor.


----------



## JStraitiff




----------



## Sicarius

I approve of the Ben Folds cover.

Cause he's a tiny white man.


----------



## JosephAOI

So, I'm feelin kinda weird. I absolutely adore my girlfriend. She's great to be around, fun, funny, sweet, etc. but somewhere deep inside myself, I hate her with every fiber of my being. She struggles with depression, Gender Identity Disorder, anorexia, and self harm but she DOESN'T want to stop. She said, in her own words, "I don't want to get better". She likes being like this, in some twisted, fucked-up way. She thinks the idea of shredded arms or thighs are beautiful.

I don't understand this. My mindset has always been one of "Fix your problems one way or another". I don't get this. Is it weakness? Is it just some crazy mindset that has been carved into her brain through the years of exposure from constant sources? What is it?

I'm not exactly sure what this post is specifically about. It's about my girlfriend and my resentment of her but moreover, why. Someone help me here?

Here's part of her blog if it helps:
"Ive gotten to this point in my life, not even an exact point, I guess. I suppose, more or less, Ive come to the realization that my life is in this unfix able flow. Maybe I born into it, maybe certain events in my life sentenced me to it, and Ive just been doomed ever since. Regardless of how it happened, I know this is where I am. I am not strong enough, nor weak enough, to over come this or let it completely destroy me. At least, I thought I wasnt weak enough. Lately, though, Ive been questioning that part. I dont think that suddenly I had an all powerful realization and that the world is suddenly making sense, I think its more like.. I finally just stopped making excuses for the day by day depression and hopelessness that consumes me. I used to try to convince myself it was anything: the weather when I lived in Washington state, stress from family, friends, or lack there of. Sometimes, Id get so desperate for something to blame it on, that Id blame little things, like my toes being cold and not being able to find socks, running out of disposable cameras, or not being able to decide what type of music I wanted to listen to. I made excuses. They never made me feel any better. So, this is me. I am struggling with depression. Major depression. I self-harm, and as of late, I do not want to make any attempts to stop. Its helping me. Im aware I need to find a better, more healthy coping device, and Im working on it. But right now, Im not giving up SH. I have very high anxiety. Im in the process of getting medicated for it. Im soon to start seeing a psychiatrist again. Im developing an eating disorder - I have a few people that Ive asked to make sure Im eating every now and then, just by telling me I need to, and pestering me until I do so. But no one has really kept with it, and my longest time of not eating was six or seven days straight. Excluding liquids, and maybe one cookie or something. I have a heart condition, and all these factors seem to be making it a lot worse. I think I may be slightly bi-polar. I dont know. That could be in my mind. Its possible. Either way, Ive got problems. And, you know what? I dont want to get better. Gosh, I expected this first entry to be a lot different. I think my sleep medication is kicking in a bit too much for me to properly express what Im thinking. Maybe Ill do it tomorrow. Or next week. These posts will probably be very inconsistent. Though Im not sure why Im saying that, the chances of anyone even reading this far is slim to none."


----------



## HaMMerHeD

I can identify with what she says.

I have been struggling through major depression since I was 9 or 10. I'm 35 now, and it hasn't gotten any easier, in spite of several years of counseling. Certain things are easier, but the day-to-day coping with life is still very difficult. 

I find myself in a state that is very comfortable. It isn't easy or happy, but it's comfortable. It's predictable and easily understood. I have made a lot of efforts to improve things, and they haven't really worked out in any lasting or meaningful way. Many times, I feel a great deal worse for the failure. That makes it difficult to want to continue to make those efforts.

On the other hand, I'm a parent. A single parent. And my daughter's mother took her own life a couple of years ago. So I have a certain amount of strength that is required of me. I can't take extreme action and end my suffering, but I am also extremely discouraged from taking more progressive action to attempt to alleviate the same suffering.


----------



## MrPepperoniNipples

Well, i was pretty hesitant on ranting on a forum about this kinda stuff, but it's late and everyone's asleep and there's no reason not to i guess!

I'm officially graduating high school on Thursday, everyone's going off to colleges all over the place. 

I had a mad crush on this girl forever, from like the end of freshmen year to the end of junior year. I took her on a few dates but we never actually 'started' dating.
I mean i tried though, and was rejected in 10th grade but we stayed relatively close and i ended up taking her to 'junior prom' (do other schools do this?).

like midway through that summer, I just tried to get over it because she seemed to clearly not be interested so I decided it's not worth banging my head over anymore. Didn't have a real conversation with her for quite some time.
Until a few days ago when I ended up seeing her sitting next to her for graduation rehearsal and then at a party a few hours ago in which I really had a great time with her and I'm pretty sure she had the same.

But alas, it's really too late to do anything about it and she'd be reluctant to anyway. I'm going to UMBC in Maryland for college but she's going to Temple in Pennsylvania.

I'm sure I'll get over this in a week or two but for now it's at the front of my mind and i wanted to get it out there.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

JosephAOI said:


> So, I'm feelin kinda weird. I absolutely adore my girlfriend. She's great to be around, fun, funny, sweet, etc. but somewhere deep inside myself, I hate her with every fiber of my being. She struggles with depression, Gender Identity Disorder, anorexia, and self harm but she DOESN'T want to stop. She said, in her own words, "I don't want to get better". She likes being like this, in some twisted, fucked-up way. She thinks the idea of shredded arms or thighs are beautiful.
> 
> I don't understand this. My mindset has always been one of "Fix your problems one way or another". I don't get this. Is it weakness? Is it just some crazy mindset that has been carved into her brain through the years of exposure from constant sources? What is it?
> 
> I'm not exactly sure what this post is specifically about. It's about my girlfriend and my resentment of her but moreover, why. Someone help me here?
> 
> Here's part of her blog if it helps:
> "Ive gotten to this point in my life, not even an exact point, I guess. I suppose, more or less, Ive come to the realization that my life is in this unfix able flow. Maybe I born into it, maybe certain events in my life sentenced me to it, and Ive just been doomed ever since. Regardless of how it happened, I know this is where I am. I am not strong enough, nor weak enough, to over come this or let it completely destroy me. At least, I thought I wasnt weak enough. Lately, though, Ive been questioning that part. I dont think that suddenly I had an all powerful realization and that the world is suddenly making sense, I think its more like.. I finally just stopped making excuses for the day by day depression and hopelessness that consumes me. I used to try to convince myself it was anything: the weather when I lived in Washington state, stress from family, friends, or lack there of. Sometimes, Id get so desperate for something to blame it on, that Id blame little things, like my toes being cold and not being able to find socks, running out of disposable cameras, or not being able to decide what type of music I wanted to listen to. I made excuses. They never made me feel any better. So, this is me. I am struggling with depression. Major depression. I self-harm, and as of late, I do not want to make any attempts to stop. Its helping me. Im aware I need to find a better, more healthy coping device, and Im working on it. But right now, Im not giving up SH. I have very high anxiety. Im in the process of getting medicated for it. Im soon to start seeing a psychiatrist again. Im developing an eating disorder - I have a few people that Ive asked to make sure Im eating every now and then, just by telling me I need to, and pestering me until I do so. But no one has really kept with it, and my longest time of not eating was six or seven days straight. Excluding liquids, and maybe one cookie or something. I have a heart condition, and all these factors seem to be making it a lot worse. I think I may be slightly bi-polar. I dont know. That could be in my mind. Its possible. Either way, Ive got problems. And, you know what? I dont want to get better. Gosh, I expected this first entry to be a lot different. I think my sleep medication is kicking in a bit too much for me to properly express what Im thinking. Maybe Ill do it tomorrow. Or next week. These posts will probably be very inconsistent. Though Im not sure why Im saying that, the chances of anyone even reading this far is slim to none."



no offence man, but she sounds like a complete idiot. i have met a few people that are similar, people who "want" to be "messed up" because they think its cool and somehow gives them an aim. i mean who says "im developing an eating disorder"? it really sounds to me like she is doing this shit on purpose and is just after attention. if i was with someone like this i would end it tbh man, sounds like she is just gonna drag you down, and if she is too stubborn or ignorant to even want to help herself, then i wouldnt bother with her. also i have experience with mental illness, so im not ignorant of what could be going on with her, im just say what i personally think is going on.


----------



## JStraitiff

Even if she doesnt seem to want to help herself thats probably not true. She more than likely has given up on helping herself because shes never been able to. I know that story like the back of my hand. ive dealt with it with a lot of people. Its just a matter of convincing her that its worth trying. But note that it will be an uphill battle all the time. It wont get better. So if you love the girl and think its worth dealing with all this then go ahead and do it. Does it really bother you in your day to day experience with her? Can you just get over it and keep dating her just ignoring the BS? If not to both then get out of it. Thats my advice.


----------



## JosephAOI

We just met up and had quite a lengthy discussion. We're staying together, and she's starting to see a psychiatrist. Hoping things work out.


----------



## MFB

The girl I have class with on Fridays has been getting a good amount of help from me in our other class in the afternoon and has been nagging me to go out for drinks, along with being (what I interpret as) flirty overall so I think I'm going to take her up on the offer even though I'm not much for a drinker (personal reasons). We'll see what happens, but now it's just over t-minus 2 weeks until I leave San Fran, so it'll have to be quick.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

It's really starting to look like the Korean nurse is just plain too busy for any kind of dating/relationship. She works full time (including every weekend, which are my only days off) and also goes to school up in Seoul, so her free time is virtually nonexistent. After that first date I've neither seen nor spoken with her, apart from a few short texts about how she's too busy to hang out, if she even bothers to respond at all. I may or may not be jumping the gun a bit in calling it a wash at this point, but I really don't think she'll suddenly just not be busy anymore and find herself with more time to see some random American dude.

Ugh. I thought loneliness was awful in my _home_ country .


----------



## flint757

There are plenty of Korean fish in the sea


----------



## Ibanezsam4

MFB said:


> The girl I have class with on Fridays has been getting a good amount of help from me in our other class in the afternoon and has been nagging me to go out for drinks, along with being (what I interpret as) flirty overall so I think I'm going to take her up on the offer even though I'm not much for a drinker (personal reasons). We'll see what happens, but now it's just over t-minus 2 weeks until I leave San Fran, so it'll have to be quick.



Go out and have a good time. No need in not enjoying female company that doesn't result in hanky panky. and if it does.. well you sir got extra icing on the cake


----------



## MFB

Pretty much


----------



## Pav

After a few very quick dates, the girl I've been chasing tells me she doesn't see us as anything more than friends.

Damn.


----------



## Konfyouzd

flint757 said:


> There are plenty of Korean fish in the sea



Just scrolling down the page aimlessly... This is the only thing that caught my eye.


----------



## flint757

Pav said:


> After a few very quick dates, the girl I've been chasing tells me she doesn't see us as anything more than friends.
> 
> Damn.



Been there. In fact she told me it was because I wasn't aggressive enough (testing boundaries), in other words I went to slow. What I have learned since is just push the boundary they will tell you when to stop.


----------



## Yaris

MrPepperoniNipples said:


> Well, i was pretty hesitant on ranting on a forum about this kinda stuff, but it's late and everyone's asleep and there's no reason not to i guess!
> 
> I'm officially graduating high school on Thursday, everyone's going off to colleges all over the place.
> 
> I had a mad crush on this girl forever, from like the end of freshmen year to the end of junior year. I took her on a few dates but we never actually 'started' dating.
> I mean i tried though, and was rejected in 10th grade but we stayed relatively close and i ended up taking her to 'junior prom' (do other schools do this?).
> 
> like midway through that summer, I just tried to get over it because she seemed to clearly not be interested so I decided it's not worth banging my head over anymore. Didn't have a real conversation with her for quite some time.
> Until a few days ago when I ended up seeing her sitting next to her for graduation rehearsal and then at a party a few hours ago in which I really had a great time with her and I'm pretty sure she had the same.
> 
> But alas, it's really too late to do anything about it and she'd be reluctant to anyway. I'm going to UMBC in Maryland for college but she's going to Temple in Pennsylvania.
> 
> I'm sure I'll get over this in a week or two but for now it's at the front of my mind and i wanted to get it out there.



Well this is kinda funny, a year ago I was in a similar situation. I was finally starting a relationship with this girl, but I was about to go to umbc and she to St Mary's. Things were going well but she suddenly cut off all contact with me one day over the summer. I wish she had just told me what the deal was. Anywho its surprising how quickly I got over that in college. I just started talking to a girl I found at UMBC and things are going well.

tldr it might work out with her, but this kind of thing is pretty common. Shitty, but common. If I were you I'd move on.


----------



## Pav

flint757 said:


> Been there. In fact she told me it was because I wasn't aggressive enough (testing boundaries), in other words I went to slow. What I have learned since is just push the boundary they will tell you when to stop.


That's exactly what I was afraid of, took it too slow and she just wasn't interested. I'm kinda crazy about this girl though, it's hard not to chase after her and keep on it.


----------



## flint757

Pav said:


> That's exactly what I was afraid of, took it too slow and she just wasn't interested. I'm kinda crazy about this girl though, it's hard not to chase after her and keep on it.



Yeah girls will tell you when to stop before it becomes weird for them to have to tell you to stop if that makes sense. Obviously this doesn't apply to all women, some may get offended for sure, but typically going too slow will put you in the friend zone and that is a hard trench to get out of. I spent a year chasing a girl (whom I got friend zones because I went too slow in the very beginning) and it went nowhere. You can keep at it it may work out for you, but it will take some time and now if you make a move since she verbally set the boundary it will be harder to push it further (without alcohol or emotional instability like a bad break up ) and even then she will worry about losing you as a friend. Women treat the emotional aspect of a relationship the same for boyfriends and friends when it comes to intimate conversation and things to us dudes would be reserved for a relationship and they leave the physical aspect of a relationship for the boyfriend/dates in which the emotional aspect is also there and the only difference is the physical hence the reason moving too slow can be detrimental. YMMV and I definitely am biased by my experiences (scarred perhaps )


----------



## Aevolve

All you guys need is right here. Words of wisdom.


----------



## JosephAOI

And after you've gotten through that video, watch this one, go to a bar and profit!


----------



## Ibanezsam4

JosephAOI said:


> And after you've gotten through that video, watch this one, go to a bar and profit!




holy shit... i really hope im being trolled


----------



## JosephAOI

With over 200 15 minute long videos, I'd say it's safe to assume you're not being trolled


----------



## GalacticDeath

PeachesMcKenzie said:


> All you guys need is right here. Words of wisdom.




lol

strong experience to advice ratio


----------



## Ibanezsam4

JosephAOI said:


> With over 200 15 minute long videos, I'd say it's safe to assume you're not being trolled


----------



## CyborgSlunk

I have a problem. I met with the girl I love today and while we sat on a bench she admitted that she really likes me, but she is going to leave Germany in 3 months for an exchange year in England, maybe even more than 1 year. She said she really wants to have a relationship, but she doesn´t know if she could deal with the fact that we are not going to see each other then (except when she visits Germany during the holidays). She said that I should decide whether we should start a relationship. Now I would really want to be with her, but I don´t want to hurt her. What should I do?


----------



## Jordan Djenital Warts

PeachesMcKenzie said:


> All you guys need is right here. Words of wisdom.




What a legend....


----------



## JosephAOI

CyborgSlunk said:


> I have a problem. I met with the girl I love today and while we sat on a bench she admitted that she really likes me, but she is going to leave Germany in 3 months for an exchange year in England, maybe even more than 1 year. She said she really wants to have a relationship, but she doesn´t know if she could deal with the fact that we are not going to see each other then (except when she visits Germany during the holidays). She said that I should decide whether we should start a relationship. Now I would really want to be with her, but I don´t want to hurt her. What should I do?


Tough stuff, man.

If I were you, I would tell her that you want to wait till she gets back from the exchange to start a relationship. If you haven't been together or anything like that before, starting a relationship that's going to be long distance for a while before you've already developed a closeness and trust with each other would be difficult. Keep in close contact with her though while she's gone. Not like suffocating her because, you know, she's in another country, she'll be wanting to explore and learn about stuff but at the same time, she'll need someone to talk to about everything that happens there. By the time she gets back, if everything goes right, you two should be closer than you are now and will be totally 100% ready to start a relationship.

Hope this helps!


----------



## CyborgSlunk

JosephAOI said:


> Tough stuff, man.
> 
> If I were you, I would tell her that you want to wait till she gets back from the exchange to start a relationship. If you haven't been together or anything like that before, starting a relationship that's going to be long distance for a while before you've already developed a closeness and trust with each other would be difficult. Keep in close contact with her though while she's gone. Not like suffocating her because, you know, she's in another country, she'll be wanting to explore and learn about stuff but at the same time, she'll need someone to talk to about everything that happens there. By the time she gets back, if everything goes right, you two should be closer than you are now and will be totally 100% ready to start a relationship.
> 
> Hope this helps!



Your advice is much appreciated, thank you . Yeah, that is one possibility, but she stressed that she may stay there even for 3 years, and I am not sure if I could wait that long. Also, I don´t want to influence her in any way, she should do what she thinks is best for her, and not put pressure on her because I´m waiting. You have to know I´m still very young (going to be 16), so there´s a high possibility that I´ll fall in love to another girl, as much as I love her, if I got together with another girl it would be like she didn´t matter to me that much. Hard decision. I probably should ask GothicKingCobra about that .


----------



## JosephAOI

In such a situation, I would just try to be wary of becoming attached to her and just let things go the way they will. If she doesn't come back for a while, you'll find another girl most likely. If she does come back and you two still want to be together, king's to you. May seem like some douchebag advice but you're young. One girl isn't going to define your whole love life. 








Also, who caught that reference?


----------



## Murmel

Man, when I'm around people I enjoy it and feel anxious at the same time. It's like, I want to be there but still not. And when I'm home alone I get anxious because I'm home by myself doing nothing and wasting my precious youth.

Don't really know how to find a balance


----------



## flint757

Well there is no in between, but I get exactly what your saying although I only have that problem if I'm trying not to blow it. If I'm just hanging with people I'm having fun and not the least bit bothered.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Murmel said:


> Man, when I'm around people I enjoy it and feel anxious at the same time. It's like, I want to be there but still not. And when I'm home alone I get anxious because I'm home by myself doing nothing and wasting my precious youth.
> 
> Don't really know how to find a balance



This happens to me constantly. I just try to force myself to go out and enjoy the company of others as I'm sure it's more healthy somehow.


----------



## Sicarius

you could always invite 1 person over.

That way, you have company, but you're at home and comfortable, and doing something.

Like Uno.

or sexy sex if it's an lady friend.


----------



## flint757

Hell invite 2 and make it strip Uno then it leads nicely into the latter


----------



## Sicarius

So, I have a friend I met while I tried eHarmony way back in 09 or something, and she lives in Arlington where she goes to school, but during the summer she goes back home to Beaumont to see her family; and after 2.5-3 years, we finally have a date planned. We're gonna go to the Houston Natural History Museum. 

She's awesome: loves animals, likes going to the range and shooting, she's kind of a gamer, has not terrible taste in music.

And she's just a good Catholic Vietnamese girl, she knows I'm an Atheist, and doesn't care. I've always wanted to meet her and hang out; but lately we've only talked on Skype, before she'd call, or we'd text. I miss that part, she was always fun to talk to on the phone. She'd also always call while I was in the middle of playing Infamous, then get really apologetic for interrupting the game, it was really cute lol.

Granted she was the only person I talked to while using the site, we've managed to stay in touch, off and on, over the many months, and she seems really into going to the museum.

She's stayed single because she's career/ school oriented, and she's just a sweetheart.

If I didn't know any better I think I'm quite smitten.


----------



## Murmel

flint757 said:


> Well there is no in between, but I get exactly what your saying although I only have that problem if I'm trying not to blow it. If I'm just hanging with people I'm having fun and not the least bit bothered.



I actually have less of that feeling when I'm trying not to blow it 
But sure, I don't always feel like that, it's not like I can't enjoy it. I just don't enjoy as much as others seem to.



Konfyouzd said:


> This happens to me constantly. I just try to force myself to go out and enjoy the company of others as I'm sure it's more healthy somehow.



Yeah, I'm trying to tell myself that it's for the better, because I feel like ass when I'm alone anyway.



Sicarius said:


> you could always invite 1 person over.
> 
> That way, you have company, but you're at home and comfortable, and doing something.
> 
> Like Uno.
> 
> or sexy sex if it's an lady friend.


I'm much more of a hang out with 1-2 people kind of guy, that I enjoy thoroughly.
And I doubt sexy time will happen. I wish though, all my female friends are hot as fuck 

I've always been kind of a semi-antisocial loner. School went out for summer yesterday and we had a barbeque with our class. It was fun, but sometimes I went away and just chilled in the kitchen with a guitar, talking to the people that came and went there.


----------



## CyborgSlunk

JosephAOI said:


> In such a situation, I would just try to be wary of becoming attached to her and just let things go the way they will. If she doesn't come back for a while, you'll find another girl most likely. If she does come back and you two still want to be together, king's to you. May seem like some douchebag advice but you're young. One girl isn't going to define your whole love life.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Also, who caught that reference?



So, I actually said to her that we should wait and see how things go in the future and she replied that she really likes me as a friend and hopes that it stays so . How can she lie to me like that! She just said she liked me and took the exchange as an excuse to not pull off the classic "I really like you, but only as a friend" which she did eventually. I mean, I´m not really upset because I couldn´t get her, those things happen, but because she played with my feelings.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Sicarius said:


> And she's just a good Catholic Vietnamese girl, she knows I'm an Atheist, and doesn't care.


 










You know I wish the best for you dude, but that would scare me. I hope that if she actually doesn't care, she'll _continue_ to not care indefinitely. I've heard the whole "I don't care that you aren't religious" spiel before, and it has come back to haunt me 100% of the time.

So uh... good luck?


----------



## imlikemike

Murmel said:


> Man, when I'm around people I enjoy it and feel anxious at the same time. It's like, I want to be there but still not. And when I'm home alone I get anxious because I'm home by myself doing nothing and wasting my precious youth.
> 
> Don't really know how to find a balance



Man, this totally sounds like me. It's weird because I get along with just about anyone but at the same time I feel like I can't be around large groups of people for a long period of time. It's like I can never _really_ relax.




Grand Moff Tim said:


> You know I wish the best for you dude, but that would scare me. I hope that if she actually doesn't care, she'll _continue_ to not care indefinitely. I've heard the whole "I don't care that you aren't religious" spiel before, and it has come back to haunt me 100% of the time.
> 
> So uh... good luck?



Yeah I've heard this a couple times before and it has always become an issue somewhere down the road. Not trying to dampen your mood or anything but be careful.


----------



## flint757

CyborgSlunk said:


> So, I actually said to her that we should wait and see how things go in the future and she replied that she really likes me as a friend and hopes that it stays so . How can she lie to me like that! She just said she liked me and took the exchange as an excuse to not pull off the classic "I really like you, but only as a friend" which she did eventually. I mean, I´m not really upset because I couldn´t get her, those things happen, but because she played with my feelings.



She said that because you backed down and because she is scared. It is a defense mechanism to make her not feel dumb and also because she is leaving in her mind it is not only easier to not start, but to convince you or herself that it was never a serious type thing. Based on your other post I'm pretty sure this is the case.


----------



## Sicarius

Grand Moff Tim said:


> You know I wish the best for you dude, but that would scare me. I hope that if she actually doesn't care, she'll _continue_ to not care indefinitely. I've heard the whole "I don't care that you aren't religious" spiel before, and it has come back to haunt me 100% of the time.
> 
> So uh... good luck?



Oh, we've talked about it before. She's devout, but open minded? I've always had pretty decent luck when it comes to religious friends. In high school my best friends were the devout christian kids. They'd invite me to church, and I'd oblige 'em, but none of them were like crazy "Y U NO JESUS. U GO TO HELL." There were a couple of those guys around, and I hated them. 

But nah, Aileen's awesome.
This is the picture she sent me when we first started talking on eHarmony:





Yea... really tiny :/


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Doesn't look tiny to me at all. Perhaps that's just the "been livin' in Korea for three months" talking.


----------



## Sicarius

probably, been watching way too many SNSD videos to think she's too tiny or something.


----------



## The Reverend

Sic, the fuck are you complaining about again? 

She looks cute as hell, good for you. I'd personally be iffy about the religious difference, but then again, I don't know her at all, so I'd say if you feel like it really wouldn't be that big of a deal, don't stress.


----------



## Sicarius

apparently ending a friendship with a dude equals to about the same amount of drama (or more than) as breaking up with a girl.


----------



## flint757

Huh, not really.

But I suppose it is just as hard. It is definitely easier for me to cut off chick friends (not dating type) than my dude friends. Breaking up if I like someone enough is tough as hell. If I'm done hanging with someone I just stop talking to them, probably really douche bag thing to do, but I don't know a better way since usually the reason is they freak me out and I don't have a nice way to say that.  

I have no reason to get rid of best friends though so I suppose that could be ridiculously hard to do.


----------



## Sicarius

Well, he was starting to freak me out. Dude works an an oil company out in the Woodlands, and said something about carrying his gun to for work when he went in.

His girlfriend didn't seem bothered by it, but he said, "I've told people to stop coming up behind me when I'm in the zone getting shit done. They come up behind me and poke my shoulder or something and scare me. One of these days someone's going to get hurt."

and I was like, "uh... and you think this is okay..?"

and yea, I was pretty much done. If my rifles and shotgun hadn't been at his house, I totally would have dropped contact with him. But he freaked out and starting getting all emo/12 year old girl on me with texts.

so yea, I am completely ready for new, sane, friends.


Flint, you live near-ish, eh? eh?


----------



## flint757

Yeah that's fine we could hang sometime, but I'm not close. I live in League City which is 30 miles south of Houston and Conroe is on the North side. 

I do go to UH which brings me pretty close though so sure.

How odd that he had that reaction, but if he was a close friend I could see that happening I suppose. I have a few friends who would probably turn into girls if i decided to stop talking to them, but we've been friends forever so it is to be suspected I guess.


----------



## Sicarius

Yeah we've been friends for a while, mid/late 05ish. 

But meh. If you go to the Devin Townsend/Katatonia show, I'll be there since it's a couple days after my birthday.


----------



## flint757

Yeah maybe, but that is on a Tuesday just after school starts so no clue if I can do that yet. But I'll let you know if I end up going.


----------



## Sicarius

Love and Relationships:

Sometimes it's a Bro thing.


----------



## JosephAOI

So.

My girlfriend came out as transgendered to the world today. I'm happy for him, I really am. Where that leaves me though, fuck, who knows?

$20 says we break up in the next 24 hours.


----------



## flint757

Just know that it doesn't make you a jerk, it just means you are different people (literally in this case ) now and it doesn't click anymore. Nothing irritates me more than the notion you have to stay with someone just because it is insensitive not to or something to that affect.


----------



## Sicarius

Exactly, the only time it gets difficult to decide is when depression is involved. 

You want to stay and help, but sometimes (a lot of the time, actually) it's best to step away.


----------



## flint757

Yeah depression is tricky mainly because some people hurt themselves and some may even reach the point of suicidal, but if breaking up in general will cause that talk about rock in a hard place. If they hurt themselves or threaten to just to keep you around then honestly I'm of the mindset that that is there problem. I've had a girlfriend threaten to cut themselves and pretend to to keep me around, it worked for a bit because I felt guilty, but I eventually left and she did not do anything stupid.

In any case yes it is difficult, but staying isn't really an option either in that kind of situation.


----------



## Metal_Webb

Just gonna put this out there....but Friendzone fucking sucks balls. :/


----------



## AcousticMinja

That chick I mentioned earlier...yeah

Found out today, (because stupidly, we ended up talking again today and she wanted me back) that she was with this other guy...the WHOLE time. And seeing him in person...and worse. 
She also lied about it to other people blatantly and made excuses saying he wasn't her boyfriend. She's also with that guy I mentioned before, too. I know too much and I don't know what to feel, but overall I feel sick to my stomach. 

She expected me to come see her soon, then take her on a road trip with me, then do all these great things. Yet...there's several other guys in the way.
I should've known...I really should have fucking known. History repeats itself and she's done this to me countless other times...the reason it hurts so much now is because this is the most serious I've ever been in a relationship and it's hurting me all over.
I sent her a text saying that I can't do it...

I don't know if she'll reply or anything. She probably will...and she'll probably try to guilt trip me as she has before...along with trying her hardest saying stupid things to get me back. It's seriously emotionally fucking abusive and I can't take this pain anymore. I have felt seriously the worst I've felt my whole life. This isn't right for me and I don't deserve this.


----------



## Genome

There's a point where you've got to realise it's not even worth you feeling hurt about it. She sounds like an emotionally abusive moron, and trust me, there are much better women out there for you.

Cut your ties and find someone better for you. It's not easy, but you've got to stick up for yourself now.


----------



## OzoneJunkie

AcousticMinja said:


> It's seriously emotionally fcking abusive and I can't take this pain anymore. I have felt seriously the worst I've felt my whole life. This isn't right for me and I don't deserve this.




And this is why you should bail and never look back. Seriously, you don't deserve this, and if you even consider her again, you're being a p#ssy. And I say that with the best intentions... trust me I know. I'm 43 and still need lessons like this sometimes.


----------



## Konfyouzd

flint757 said:


> Yeah depression is tricky mainly because some people hurt themselves and some may even reach the point of suicidal, but if breaking up in general will cause that talk about rock in a hard place. If they hurt themselves or threaten to just to keep you around then honestly I'm of the mindset that that is there problem. I've had a girlfriend threaten to cut themselves and pretend to to keep me around, it worked for a bit because I felt guilty, but I eventually left and she did not do anything stupid.
> 
> In any case yes it is difficult, but staying isn't really an option either in that kind of situation.



Sounds abusive and/or psychotic.


----------



## Sicarius

I used to like crazy. Now I just want someone who's just a good person.

Not a raving sex crazed drunken lunatic, that kinda shit I'm done with.


----------



## BucketheadRules

AcousticMinja said:


> That chick I mentioned earlier...yeah
> 
> Found out today, (because stupidly, we ended up talking again today and she wanted me back) that she was with this other guy...the WHOLE time. And seeing him in person...and worse.
> She also lied about it to other people blatantly and made excuses saying he wasn't her boyfriend. She's also with that guy I mentioned before, too. I know too much and I don't know what to feel, but overall I feel sick to my stomach.
> 
> She expected me to come see her soon, then take her on a road trip with me, then do all these great things. Yet...there's several other guys in the way.
> I should've known...I really should have fucking known. History repeats itself and she's done this to me countless other times...the reason it hurts so much now is because this is the most serious I've ever been in a relationship and it's hurting me all over.
> I sent her a text saying that I can't do it...
> 
> I don't know if she'll reply or anything. She probably will...and she'll probably try to guilt trip me as she has before...along with trying her hardest saying stupid things to get me back. It's seriously emotionally fucking abusive and I can't take this pain anymore. I have felt seriously the worst I've felt my whole life. This isn't right for me and I don't deserve this.



Cut all ties with her. Completely move on as quickly as possible and try your absolute hardest not to ever think of her again.

You're right, you don't deserve this. If she comes crawling back, don't get sucked in, just walk away and don't look back! Don't fall for shitty guilt trips or any of that. There will be other girls out there, trust me. Girls who will treat you right and not put you through this kind of shit, and who would find your current situation as abhorrent as you do. There are billions of girls out there, there is certainly more than just one "for you", for want of a better cliché. I hate to bring up the old "plenty of fish" platitude, but there really are! 

There are much nicer fish out there who won't give you food poisoning, more to the point.

Trust me dude, I don't know a lot about girls but I do know that there are fucking shitloads of them out there, far too many for you to have any excuse to get hung up over one girl who treated you like shit. Move on, find someone new and don't dwell on this one, she isn't worth a second of your time, nor even the smallest micron of your brain.

Only thing you can do here is walk away. There's no excuse for women to behave like that, and there's no excuse for guys to stick around when it happens!


----------



## Yaris

So this girl now wants to skype with me and I'm nervous as hell cause I've never video chatted before 

That's all.


----------



## flint757

It is honestly not that different than talking over the phone except you can make eye contact.


----------



## Yaris

Yeah idk why but talking over the phone makes me nervous as well. I'm most comfortable texting or talking in person, funny enough.


----------



## Murmel

Yaris said:


> So this girl now wants to skype with me and I'm nervous as hell cause I've never video chatted before
> 
> That's all.


You're not alone dude. The mere thought of video chatting scares the living shit out of me. If the idea of video chatting in ENGLISH is brought up I panic. I'm not bad at all at English, but fuck does it make me nervous 

I've actually never had a real conversation with an English speaking native. Only the occasional chat while gaming.


----------



## OzoneJunkie

I've read a lot of this thread over time, and almost posted my own woes of a very bad, toxic relationship that I was in, on and off for a few years.

All the times I wanted to post here about said relationship, it was to air all of the nonsense that she put me through, to list how she treated me, what she did, etc. 

Now that it's truly over (I walked away, changed my number, never looking back), I can say that all of that was me being a p#ssy, that I allowed all of it, by staying involved with someone that I knew wasn't right for me since almost day one. I'm not saying she's not right for anyone, just for me, and that's all that matters.

In a way I have sympathy for people on this thread who go through the ups and downs, but let's face it, most of this thread is about the downs.

I've vowed to myself never to be that weak again. I'm happy that I went through all of it, have no regrets, and left with my dignity, responded in kind, even during her last attacks. Not the friendly closure I wanted, but closure, and that's what I needed.

Stand up for yourselves. Love is supposed to be amazing, wonderful, and strong. So, be amazing, wonderful, and strong.


----------



## Winspear

Yaris said:


> Yeah idk why but talking over the phone makes me nervous as well. I'm most comfortable texting or talking in person, funny enough.



I don't like the phone either and webcam used to make me nervous. I find it's slightly better though as being 'face to face' so to speak, silence is less awkward and you can be more expressive. You can also look busy or be doing something, kind of like just having someone in the room but not being 100% with them. Of course, for a first meeting that could be rude but if you talk regularly it can become a lot more casual.


----------



## leandroab

Murmel said:


> You're not alone dude. The mere thought of video chatting scares the living shit out of me. If the idea of video chatting in ENGLISH is brought up I panic. I'm not bad at all at English, but fuck does it make me nervous
> 
> I've actually never had a real conversation with an English speaking native. Only the occasional chat while gaming.



We should skype. In ENGLISH!

lol..

Too bad I gave up on learning swedish...


----------



## no_dice

OzoneJunkie said:


> I've read a lot of this thread over time, and almost posted my own woes of a very bad, toxic relationship that I was in, on and off for a few years.
> 
> All the times I wanted to post here about said relationship, it was to air all of the nonsense that she put me through, to list how she treated me, what she did, etc.
> 
> Now that it's truly over (I walked away, changed my number, never looking back), I can say that all of that was me being a p#ssy, that I allowed all of it, by staying involved with someone that I knew wasn't right for me since almost day one. I'm not saying she's not right for anyone, just for me, and that's all that matters.
> 
> In a way I have sympathy for people on this thread who go through the ups and downs, but let's face it, most of this thread is about the downs.
> 
> I've vowed to myself never to be that weak again. I'm happy that I went through all of it, have no regrets, and left with my dignity, responded in kind, even during her last attacks. Not the friendly closure I wanted, but closure, and that's what I needed.
> 
> Stand up for yourselves. Love is supposed to be amazing, wonderful, and strong. So, be amazing, wonderful, and strong.



Very well put. I went through a similar journey myself, and feel I am all the better for it. Since my toxic relationship ended, I've since found someone perfect for me, who I hope to spend a long time with.


----------



## flint757

I've come to a similar conclusion from the last relationship I was in, but since, I've just decided for now I'm better off alone. I'm not going to settle for someone that I'm sure it won't work with and it seems at the moment those are my only options so rather than drain myself emotionally (I get too involved when in a relationship wasting my time and emotions) I'm just going to let the pieces fall for me. Strangely enough I enjoy the peace and tranquility of being single.


----------



## Cabinet

Lost my V card last night to a girl who agreed neither of us wanted a relationship
I honestly thought there would be some kind of drastic personality change but I feel the same.


----------



## Yaris

Cabinet said:


> Lost my V card last night to a girl who agreed neither of us wanted a relationship
> I honestly thought there would be some kind of drastic personality change but I feel the same.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Cabinet said:


> Lost my V card last night to a girl who agreed neither of us wanted a relationship
> I honestly thought there would be some kind of drastic personality change but I feel the same.


The only change is that now you'll want more because you know how much fun it can be. Or not, because 99% of the time the first sex is clumsy and shitty


----------



## Cabinet

I thought it was great, vaginas are gnarly.
They taste funny though.


----------



## Sicarius

Just don't say that to her, or any woman. Ever.

Also, I refuse to video chat with people on skype. Talking? Fine. Typing? Of course!

I'm so glad I don't own a webcam.

Oh hey, we have new tags.

lol bromance


----------



## MFB

I've Skyped once and it made me feel awkward, like I was on trial or something


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Cabinet said:


> Lost my V card last night to a girl who agreed neither of us wanted a relationship
> I honestly thought there would be some kind of drastic personality change but I feel the same.




 

.... someone was bound to post it..... i think.... 

EDIT: i just pictured your avatar saying that lol


----------



## MFB

My ex sent me a message like, a week and half ago just totally out the blue saying "I miss you" and unfortunately she's been popping in my head a lot as of late. We barely even went out and I chased her for FAR too long and hell we technically never even said it was "over" it was just implied. I'm just doing my best not to get too caught up in the thoughts, cause that's all they are - thoughts. 

I'm just really confused since it was in high school, and I think I only saw her like twice in the past three years following that (graduated in 08) and hadn't really thought of her, largely due to having her hidden on FB during her "HOLY SHIT GAGA ALL THE TIME" phase.


----------



## Sicarius

idk.

If my first ex called me out of the blue, I'd be a little shocked, but I'd probably go after it. We, too, didn't really have that chance.

Then again, I know it'd be a mistake.


----------



## MFB

I dont know if this would be a mistake per se, Id just be terribly careful in the beginning since we're bother different people now and hopefully ror the better. So itd just be sure that Im not still caring for the old her and falling into old habits.


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

Girlfriend's out of town for like two weeks... Now I have plenty of time to write music! I bet I could write a full album without her constantly texting me.


----------



## MistaSnowman

My wife is a trooper! Today, she was willing to be by my side when I went to try out amps! Of course, she did it for a price...a Starbuck's caramel frappuccino.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Sicarius said:


> Just don't say that to her, or any woman. Ever.


 

I almost choked on my pizza, you dick .


----------



## Sicarius

<3

That just means more Hospital time with your favorite nurse, Tim.


----------



## tacotiklah

Sicarius said:


> Just don't say that to her, or any woman. Ever.
> 
> Also, I refuse to video chat with people on skype. Talking? Fine. Typing? Of course!
> 
> I'm so glad I don't own a webcam.
> 
> Oh hey, we have new tags.
> 
> lol bromance




Yeah and fish jokes are definitely out. In fact even mentioning her vagina to her would be a bad idea.

First rule of sex when it comes to women:
Don't talk about sex with women to other women. 


I keed, I keed, but congrats dude! Hey if you both enjoyed yourselves and played safely, then that's all that matters. The first time for me was pretty damn awkward, but the place that I lost my V card was pretty epic. (a bible retreat camp up in the mountains to a very beautiful, but chubby girl)

I <3 chubby girls.


----------



## Yaris

Whew! I just skyped the girl. For my first time I think it went pretty well. When I saw her I just got incredibly nervous though. She had dolled herself up for it and looked stunning . She seemed entertained, but after a few minutes we had to end the video call because her internet started flaking out. Then we chatted for a while afterwards. Feelin' good 

EDIT: I'm either in the clear or so far into the friendzone I'm in Narnia.

EDIT 2: Another thing, I prefer talking in person soooo much. I joke around a lot so I rely on an instant response to gauge how to continue. It's awkward cause I don't know for sure if she heard me or can see me, and there's a 1-3 second delay between me saying something and seeing her reaction. Hopefully I'll get used to it


----------



## Sicarius

voice and video chat with Skype can be a bandwidth hog; when I used it with a friend for BF3, it would affect everything, then just shit out 'cause it's a POS like that.

Skype's call quality is pretty good, so if you're not mumbling she can hear everything.


----------



## ryanoddi

She is crazy in love with me, treats me pretty well (a lot better than any of my x's,) but I've been constantly get annoyed or irritated with her over sometimes small, and others times bigger (to me at least,) things.

She calls or texts me more than I care to count in a day and I feel like we don't go more than an hour without some sort of communication. I honestly don't use my phone to talk to people aside from her and my boss (who is also my best friend,) and occasionally my buddies I went to high school with.

A little bit of background of our relationship:

- we went to high school together, I ended up asking her on a date just after high school. I was in a bad place, just broke up with my x, but was still madly in love with her, so after a month of dating, I ended up crawling back to my x. That failed in a few days, haha.

- About a year later, we start talking again because she is best friends with my best friends wife, so we were in their wedding together, and hung out quite a bit, just as friends.

- Another year or 2 go by and neither of us are in relationships and we eventually ended up getting together and have now been dating about 5 months.

I care very deeply for her, and love her very much, but I'm really starting to think that it is just a "friend love," and not me being "in love" with her.

I don't want to break up with her because of how good she is to me, and I can't understand why I feel the need to. 

I like my alone time, guitar time, and I'm somewhat OCD with keeping my place clean and organized. All of these things are constant issues where all she wants to do is spend time with me, but I want to get shit done, and I get stressed if things around the house aren't getting done, but she doesn't really understand that. Her bedroom is a constant disaster of "I'm gonna wear this, no I don't like that.. I'm gonna try this now... nope, next!" She doesn't keep up with any of her hobbies and basically just wants to be together in all of her free time.

I tried talking to her about this, and I'm now, "Weird. No b/f that I've ever had acts like you and gets irritated about everything and doesn't want to spend as much time together as possible." I tell her, maybe thats why they've failed.... and the fact that her past 2 ex's are drug addicts/alcoholics.

Sorry for this being so damn long.. I still have more, but I feel like I've expressed plenty. I have no one to really talk to about this. I hope you guys can help, anything would be appreciated!


----------



## engage757

the grass is always greener on the other side of the street.


----------



## broj15

Iknowthatfeelbro.jpg

My gf is great, but she is pretty clingy and when she's not with me she's blowing up my phone. Sometimes i wish I wasn't in a relationship with someone so needy. I wish i could offer some advice but I can't. It sounds like she's more into the relationship than you, which could cause major problems down the road.


----------



## Mexi

yeah this girl sounds really clingy. I'd talk to her about that, to make sure she doesn't place all of her own happiness on the stability of the relationship, that she needs to to enjoy her life and live one outside the relationship as well. balance in one's life is absolutely key in that respect. 
I wouldn't get bent out of shape of her being all complicated and full of issues (every single woman is like that) but use this as an occasion to talk about the relationship and where it's headed. nothing will kill a relationship faster than not being on the same page about fundamental issues that are important to each of you, respectively.


----------



## M3talh3ad

Bro im going through the exact same thing. Except my girl
Is very neat and clean to where i could care less most of the time. Just like you every free minute i have she wants to spend them with me. She wants to get married and have more kids and ive already been divorced. So has she and we each have a kid from previous marriages. Anyways im baffled at what to do also. She gives me everything but i dont return the favor as greatly. She thinks family first. Where im music first. Its problematic. I have no time for friends because like i said every spare moment MUST be with her. Hit me up how things work out and ill dO the same. Maybe something will go in our favor. Best of luck


----------



## Mordacain

I don't think it sounds like you need to break up with her; really sounds like you just need to clear the air about how much time you need for yourself. All people need time to themselves for overall mental health. People that deny themselves that are not facing something. That being said, 5 months is not a long time to date and there is a newness factor there that might have worn off already for you and not her.

My wife and I went through something similar and it became a point of contention many times over but eventually, she found her own hobby which allowed me time for mine and we're much happier for it. The only point of contention there is that you can go too far in the other direction and not spend enough time together and drift apart; you need to have a happy medium.


----------



## ryanoddi

Thanks a lot guys! It feels a little better to know that others are having similar issues, and that I'm not "weird."

Mordacain,

I appreciate your words and I agree with you. However, I've already talked to her about wanting to spend a little less time together, and she was almost disgusted at me when I presented that option. I tell her I want more time to focus on playing music and that I do not want to consume myself in her, which I did in my previous relationship, resulting in no guitar, no hobbies and then when we broke up I was so depressed because the only thing I knew at the time, was her. Anyways, she says, "oh yea baby, I completely agree." Then the following week, it's back to her asking to hang out every fucking day.. it's hard to say "no" all the time.

M3talh3ad,

Thanks dude. I'll for sure try and keep you updated, maybe I'll gain a little insight on what to do.. gotta try and do something.

Mexi,

Yea man, the more I think about it, you're right. If I'm out of work and don't answer the phone, it will get blown up. I don't know about you, but if someone doesn't respond right away, they are fucking busy. haha calling multiple times just pisses me off.

broj15,

I think you're right. I think she is more into the relationship than I am. She is my first REAL relationship, but she was previously engaged, and had 1 or 2 other fairly serious relationships prior. I guess I'm a relationship noob haha.

engage757,

totally true, but meeting new people is pretty hard when I want to meet someone around my age that has her shit together, decent job, and doesn't drink like a teenager. I'm 22 and most chicks that I could meet would be college party whores.. I'm good. lol And Match.com felt like work more than anything. 90% of the people I emailed never even paid for their account so they couldn't access any messages.


----------



## Chickenhawk

engage757 said:


> the grass is always greener on the other side of the street.



Because it's fertilized with bullshit.


----------



## JStraitiff

I wouldnt confront her about being clingy. She wont appreciate it at all. Maybe theres a way to get her to back off without breaking up with her or making her feel like you dont appreciate her. A distraction would be my first idea. She sounds like shes just too obsessed with your relationship. Maybe if she had something else on her mind she would text you less. 

Just from personal experience i know that if you try to be upfront they freak out and think you're doing something terrible.


----------



## prashanthan

Space is important and I don't think it's something to compromise too much on, because it'll drive you mad further down the line. She may treat you well, but if you aren't certain of the context of your own feelings towards her, and if she can't give you the room you need for other things in your life, the prognosis isn't great.

Having said that, she did at least try to give you space (which is more than I can say for some of my exes), maybe there could be a compromise sought between you both. I'd say that it may not look too good at the moment, but things might be clearer if you give it a bit of time; you might know better how you feel a little later on, and she might find a way to back off, if she's really been trying. Perhaps spend some time thinking of a way to approach the subject sensitively, so that she doesn't feel needy, but respects that you have other shit going on in life. Best of luck mate.


----------



## sage

This is super sneaky, but will totally work. You want more time to yourself? Encourage her to either get back into her old hobbies or take up something new that requires some time. Use that time to do your own thing. Be supportive and loving and helpful as she gets started on gardening, photography, building model airplanes or whatever it is that turns her crank. Then, step back and see if this girl is actually right for you. Right now, she's pissing you off because she's always there. See how you feel about your time together when it's a bit more sparsely spread out.


----------



## Winspear

Almost my exact story. I am very similar to you and she sounds very similar to my gf at least in that area. I'll tell you my story

I'm at uni, she's going to uni soon. In total it will be 5 years we spend seeing eachother pretty much one week every 2 months on average. We've been together over 2 years now, almost entirely whilst I am at university.

-She wanted to be online/on the phone all evening every evening. 
-I went along with it for a good while and was happy, we get on brilliantly so it wasn't a problem
-I realised my productivity was incredibly low and started to try making more space. 

I was whipped.

I think you have to put your foot down to some extent and see where it goes. When I did that, things got more and more out of hand. She'd be upset about it and require_ more _attention, and this pushed me away further as I felt like I _had_ to talk to her more than I already did. And when we did talk, there would be tension, and this stuff would get talked about which I couldn't be bothered with. 

I became more and more of an asshole, hanging up on her, coldly telling her I'm busy ALL the time even if she just wanted to talk for a few minutes, because it was stressing me out. I _had_ to talk to her so I didn't want to. We were like this for 2 months and things were so shitty that I went to break up with her. This was a _hard_ decision, as aside from the time thing we were incredibly perfect. I know everyone says that, but we agree on absolutely everything, particularly important things like money, kids, lifestyle, morals, etc. that would make or break a marriage. It was also hard because I know I'm everything to her and she wants to stay together forever (I feel the same, but my space and music is more important to me. I was willing to sacrifice the (otherwise) perfect relationship for my alone time). 

Her faced with the possibility of losing me, I gained full control of the relationship. I became able to say when and for how long we would talk (not in a nasty way). She completely got used to this and we haven't argued in the slightest in 6 months now. We are incredibly happy with less communication, and I feel like she is more of an independent person now, which was essential to me. 

We talk every day for perhaps 15 minutes which is perfectly reasonable. However, there's no issue if I can't or simply don't want to spend that time because I'm busy. This was something I always stressed to her - "I am happy to spend time with you, but I _need_ you to not care when I don't." 

We now both realise that we had problems - I was being an absolute asshole for 2 months and she was incredibly needy. We now have a compromise and a care-free relationship which has no 'requirements'. I said earlier I didn't want to spend time with her because I felt like I had to. Now I don't have to, I actually want to and talk to her of my own accord which was not the case before!

I guess I am saying you need to put your foot down or end it. Do that at your own risk, though. Splitting up with her totally would _not _have worked if she wasn't head over heels in love with me and willing to force herself to change for me. (I wasn't trying to force her to change by splitting up - I was 100% set on leaving her - the thought that she would work things out for herself never even crossed my mind).

I'm so happy we sorted things out because we are 100% compatible and it would have been such a waste. Neither of us know of anybody who is so happy in their relationship. Even those that would be called 'perfect' have stupid ideals and views that neither of us agree with or would ever put up with. I realise now the thought of life without her is dreadful.

I hope this helps, good luck!


----------



## Sicarius

If you'd care to take a gander at the SS Org Love and Relationships thread, you will see that you're very lucky to have someone who cares so much for you.

Let the little things go. If you're looking for a reason to break up with her, you're going to keep finding them.

I'd rather have some clingy girlfriend than one that didn't give a shit.


----------



## JPhoenix19

For me, honesty is the best policy. I've passed/missed some opportunities at relationships because of it, but I'm happy I stuck with it. Not every person or relationship can work that way, though.

On one hand, I believe bringing up the issue is a good step toward maturing the relationship- rocky as that conversation may turn out to be. Some people just don't respond to that much attention and contact like others do- and one key ingredient to any successful relationship is compromise between both individuals. Also, spending a crap load of time together seems like a formula for relationship burnout.

On the other hand, I'd encourage you to focus on the positives of the relationship, and to understand that you have legitimate reasons for feeling the way you do. Space is a necessary part of any relationship.  If you focus on what you like/love about her and not what you don't, it can help you get through the time it takes for you two to work through this issue.

Also, try to understand where she's coming from. She probably has underlying reasons for acting the way she does. Is she insecure about your relationship or herself? Does she trust you? Is she just really needy, and if so should she find additional ways to meet those needs so she's not draining you so much? These are things you may uncover if you delve into the issue.


----------



## Origin

When a relationship is someone's only hobby....nnggggggghhhhhhGOD I feel your pain. Not now, but it's happened to me before.  I never think a relationship is healthy unless the two would be fine without each other, and just never really get tired of hanging out AT REASONABLE FREQUENCY... as well as being attracted physically of course. When you both have something different to talk about or have a different story it's awesome. Sorry to hear of the clingwrap.  Maybe she'll come around.


----------



## Leuchty

Compromise and respect are the two key points in a relationship.

Tell her, "I will spend time with you and we can do whatever YOU want, AFTER I finish what I have to do."

OR... knock her up, then she will have a kid to look after 

Im Kidding. Dont do that.


----------



## Bevo

My ex was clingy then distant then gone.. Now I am with another great girl and the ex is back to clingy and won't move on after 6 years!

Talking and setting some rules is the best thing.
write down what makes each of you you and also what you like and don't like with each other, finish with long term goals.

Sit down and read each others, be honest but not mean, call it a 6 month check up.. Also try to make it fun.
You will both learn alott, use that to reduce her clingy ness.

Also keep in mind she may be insecure and does not want to lose you, reinforce that your not going anywhere.
A cheesy necklace with your picture in it can do wonders..no jokes!
My ex still has one and won't take it off...good thing she is far far away!


----------



## ryanoddi

CYBERSYN said:


> Compromise and respect are the two key points in a relationship.
> 
> Tell her, "I will spend time with you and we can do whatever YOU want, AFTER I finish what I have to do."
> 
> OR... knock her up, then she will have a kid to look after
> 
> Im Kidding. Dont do that.



Don't even joke! hahah That's another potential issue... she wants kids in under 5 years... I don't know if I even want kids anymore since the last time we had a talk about it.. My best friend just had twins, her sister has a one year old and another on the way... I love kids, but I don't know if or when I would want to have them. Def. not in 5 years... I have goals that will more than likely get put on the back burner, followed by place in the basement freezer with the dead bodies that are never to be discovered.... 




I hope we all got the sarcasm in there.. don't need more trouble in my life


----------



## VBCheeseGrater

Lots of great advice in this thread. I'm probably reiterating some of it, but you are not in the wrong to want your alone time. It's crucial to any healthy relationship to have your own time and passions outside of your partner IMO.

Here;s my situation that works well for me -my girlfriend and I live together. We come home from work, kiss, talk about the day, eat, and if we're staying home, we both do whatever the hell we want - sometimes together, more often not. I typically go take breaks from what i'm doing and go hang out with her for a bit, then go back to guitar, tv, gear tweaking,whatever...We always meet back up at bedtime and enjoy that time together. No one ever bitches about spending enough time together or being smothered, and we're always happy to see one another. I'd call it "ideal" - i couldn't plan it any better.


----------



## ryanoddi

JPhoenix19 said:


> For me, honesty is the best policy. I've passed/missed some opportunities at relationships because of it, but I'm happy I stuck with it. Not every person or relationship can work that way, though.
> 
> On one hand, I believe bringing up the issue is a good step toward maturing the relationship- rocky as that conversation may turn out to be. Some people just don't respond to that much attention and contact like others do- and one key ingredient to any successful relationship is compromise between both individuals. Also, spending a crap load of time together seems like a formula for relationship burnout.
> 
> On the other hand, I'd encourage you to focus on the positives of the relationship, and to understand that you have legitimate reasons for feeling the way you do. Space is a necessary part of any relationship.  If you focus on what you like/love about her and not what you don't, it can help you get through the time it takes for you two to work through this issue.
> 
> Also, try to understand where she's coming from. She probably has underlying reasons for acting the way she does. Is she insecure about your relationship or herself? Does she trust you? Is she just really needy, and if so should she find additional ways to meet those needs so she's not draining you so much? These are things you may uncover if you delve into the issue.



I agree with what you are saying for the most part. Space is definitely a necessity... for me. Not so much for her. She has grown up with a very family oriented, family.. if that makes sense lol. I on the other hand, have grown up somewhat close with my family, but we didn't have dinner together all the time while I was growing up (i have 3 younger bros and a twin sis.) There was a lot of us, but everyone is pretty content eating dinner in their rooms (watching tv lol.) I could go into greater detail, probably not necessary though. 

My family is not up each others asses like her family is always up each others asses. Which is fine if that is what makes you happy and thats what you know and love.


----------



## Leuchty

vbshredder said:


> Lots of great advice in this thread. I'm probably reiterating some of it, but you are not in the wrong to want your alone time. It's crucial to any healthy relationship to have your own time and passions outside of your partner IMO.
> 
> Here;s my situation that works well for me -my girlfriend and I live together. We come home from work, kiss, talk about the day, eat, and if we're staying home, we both do whatever the hell we want - sometimes together, more often not. I typically go take breaks from what i'm doing and go hang out with her for a bit, then go back to guitar, tv, gear tweaking,whatever...We always meet back up at bedtime and enjoy that time together. No one ever bitches about spending enough time together or being smothered, and we're always happy to see one another. I'd call it "ideal" - i couldn't plan it any better.


 

This is EXACTLY what my girlfriend and I are like.


----------



## ryanoddi

EtherealEntity said:


> Almost my exact story. I am very similar to you and she sounds very similar to my gf at least in that area. I'll tell you my story
> 
> I'm at uni, she's going to uni soon. In total it will be 5 years we spend seeing eachother pretty much one week every 2 months on average. We've been together over 2 years now, almost entirely whilst I am at university.
> 
> -She wanted to be online/on the phone all evening every evening.
> -I went along with it for a good while and was happy, we get on brilliantly so it wasn't a problem
> -I realised my productivity was incredibly low and started to try making more space.
> 
> I was whipped.
> 
> I think you have to put your foot down to some extent and see where it goes. When I did that, things got more and more out of hand. She'd be upset about it and require_ more _attention, and this pushed me away further as I felt like I _had_ to talk to her more than I already did. And when we did talk, there would be tension, and this stuff would get talked about which I couldn't be bothered with.
> 
> I became more and more of an asshole, hanging up on her, coldly telling her I'm busy ALL the time even if she just wanted to talk for a few minutes, because it was stressing me out. I _had_ to talk to her so I didn't want to. We were like this for 2 months and things were so shitty that I went to break up with her. This was a _hard_ decision, as aside from the time thing we were incredibly perfect. I know everyone says that, but we agree on absolutely everything, particularly important things like money, kids, lifestyle, morals, etc. that would make or break a marriage. It was also hard because I know I'm everything to her and she wants to stay together forever (I feel the same, but my space and music is more important to me. I was willing to sacrifice the (otherwise) perfect relationship for my alone time).
> 
> Her faced with the possibility of losing me, I gained full control of the relationship. I became able to say when and for how long we would talk (not in a nasty way). She completely got used to this and we haven't argued in the slightest in 6 months now. We are incredibly happy with less communication, and I feel like she is more of an independent person now, which was essential to me.
> 
> We talk every day for perhaps 15 minutes which is perfectly reasonable. However, there's no issue if I can't or simply don't want to spend that time because I'm busy. This was something I always stressed to her - "I am happy to spend time with you, but I _need_ you to not care when I don't."
> 
> We now both realise that we had problems - I was being an absolute asshole for 2 months and she was incredibly needy. We now have a compromise and a care-free relationship which has no 'requirements'. I said earlier I didn't want to spend time with her because I felt like I had to. Now I don't have to, I actually want to and talk to her of my own accord which was not the case before!
> 
> I guess I am saying you need to put your foot down or end it. Do that at your own risk, though. Splitting up with her totally would _not _have worked if she wasn't head over heels in love with me and willing to force herself to change for me. (I wasn't trying to force her to change by splitting up - I was 100% set on leaving her - the thought that she would work things out for herself never even crossed my mind).
> 
> I'm so happy we sorted things out because we are 100% compatible and it would have been such a waste. Neither of us know of anybody who is so happy in their relationship. Even those that would be called 'perfect' have stupid ideals and views that neither of us agree with or would ever put up with. I realise now the thought of life without her is dreadful.
> 
> I hope this helps, good luck!



^THIS!! I pm'ed you.. you hit pretty damn close to home. I'd like to share with everyone how I felt about this comment, but some of the info is a bit deeper than what I would like to have posted for any and all to see. 

You all are awesome and I did not expect to receive this kind of help, especially this quickly. Seriously, it means a lot to me to know that there are others that have or are currently dealing with a similar situation that I am. It's not a great position to be in, or once be a part of, but like Sicarius said, it's better to have a clingy girlfriend than one who doesn't give a shit, but there needs to be a happy medium, can't be so black and white. Also, I didn't realize there was a love and relationships section on here, so I apologize for starting this thread in the wrong place. Not very new here (been viewing for years,) just rarely say anything. 

Thanks to all who have commented so far, and thanks to those that choose to continue! This is way cheaper than a shrink, and I think better because you all aren't trying to write a script to make money and "fix me."


----------



## Winspear

This forum is the shit

Glad I could help, will reply in PM


----------



## Bevo

VBS and Cyber, my girl is like that as well, I get no flack for running for hours or playing guitar/working.

One thing that I do which is important I think is to return her call or messages, I do it on my time but I make sure I do and always say sorry I missed your call.

Respect and trust are super important...


----------



## VBCheeseGrater

Bevo said:


> One thing that I do which is important I think is to return her call or messages, I do it on my time but I make sure I do and always say sorry I missed your call.
> 
> Respect and trust are super important...


 Yup, totally agree, you have to be able to count on your partner in life.


----------



## engage757

EtherealEntity said:


> I realise now the thought of life without her is dreadful.




It passes. I just broke up with my Fiancee of years. it sucked for a long time, and in a way, it still sucks, but once you get over the basic human condition/emotion of loneliness, it is very manageable.


----------



## Winspear

engage757 said:


> It passes. I just broke up with my Fiancee of years. it sucked for a long time, and in a way, it still sucks, but once you get over the basic human condition/emotion of loneliness, it is very manageable.



Oh absolutely. I am very very much ok with being alone, I don't feel the need for a relationship or particularly care about all that stuff in my future like some people do. I mentioned the fact that we have very similar views and she has her head screwed on it all the ways which matter to me - which is not the case with _anyone_ (male or female) I know in person. There seem to be some things we hate and would not tolerate, that others take for granted as part of being in a relationship. This, plus my lack of need for a relationship, means I could very easily be single forever if I didn't have her. I've had a taste of perfection and would be very sad without it.


----------



## AliceLG

In the extremely-paraphrased-by-me words of Hugh Grant: "After eating caviar every single day you'll eventually wake up wanting a burger"


----------



## ryanoddi

I really appreciate all of the help and comments, even if they aren't helpful, they've at least made me laugh lol ^^

My girlfriend and I ended up breaking up last night because she and I cannot agree with how much time we spend with each other during the week. I have given up guitar for a relationship before and I refuse to do it again. I have plans on making all of your ears bleed, but I cannot do that while getting my phone blown up and having a chick with a constant need for attention because her parents gave her too much attention since she was the youngest... 

I don't know what will happen between us, but for now, it doesn't look good... oh and guess what?!?! I get to play a golf outing with her dad and brother in a four person scramble and I can't really say anything because it's a memorial outing for my best friends dad's early passing... this is going to be a tough day of trying not to drink so I don't say anything I regret, and upset more people... yay, I am so excited.

thanks again for everyones help! it really does mean a lot.


----------



## TankJon666

vbshredder said:


> Lots of great advice in this thread. I'm probably reiterating some of it, but you are not in the wrong to want your alone time. It's crucial to any healthy relationship to have your own time and passions outside of your partner IMO.
> 
> Here;s my situation that works well for me -my girlfriend and I live together. We come home from work, kiss, talk about the day, eat, and if we're staying home, we both do whatever the hell we want - sometimes together, more often not. I typically go take breaks from what i'm doing and go hang out with her for a bit, then go back to guitar, tv, gear tweaking,whatever...We always meet back up at bedtime and enjoy that time together. No one ever bitches about spending enough time together or being smothered, and we're always happy to see one another. I'd call it "ideal" - i couldn't plan it any better.



Same here. Works out great. We have more to talk about too as we aren't living in each others pockets. And when were at home we are never more than a room apart so its not difficult to get up and go talk for a few minutes.

Anyway, talk to your girl. If she's a normally adjusted person and loves you she should be willing to allow you to have "you" time. The longer you leave it the longer it will eat at you and she won't realise the problem until the one day you snap and it all comes out. Which isn't fair on her really.
In a relationship you need to be able to talk about shit that bothers you otherwise nothing ever changes.


----------



## skeels

Broke up?
If you can't "agree to disagree" the future of such a relationship seems highly suspect. 

And if she is as codependent as she sounds she'll be calling you late at- night crying on the phone, saying how much she misses you, begging to get back together with you-
So she can be clingy and needy all over again...

Good times...


----------



## VBCheeseGrater

skeels said:


> And if she is as codependent as she sounds she'll be calling you late at- night crying on the phone, saying how much she misses you, begging to get back together with you-
> So she can be clingy and needy all over again...
> 
> Good times...



Right, and chances are by then it will be a couple weeks since you've had any....the moment of truth!! Be Strong!!


----------



## texshred777

Well best of luck with the golf outing with her Dad, that has the potential to be rather awkward..

In any case, just remember that if/when she does call you wanting to work things out just think to yourself if that's what you really want. I always say to just be honest(with yourself as much as them). If she's right for you you'll want to spend time with her instead of feeling obliged to. 

Someone may be a fantastic person, but if they're not right for you, they're not right for you. Find someone who isn't threatened that your life doesn't revolve around them-it's unrealistic and immature to think that any person can make your life complete. I deeply love my wife, but only I can make myself a whole person and happy.


----------



## Winspear

Sorry to hear man and I hope you're holding up ok. 

I think these things are either gonna work or not gonna work - and if it wont work then the sooner it ends the better..so...

The person above said "Find someone who isn't threatened that your life doesn't revolve around them-it's unrealistic and immature to think that any person can make your life complete". 

I agree. How old are you, by the way? If you are only in your late teens, you may find this gets better with time. A lot of girls (that's not to say some women aren't like it too!) I've known are still in that stage where their life is purely social so they think yours should be too. They may not have any hobbies or things they care about - so time is just spent waiting to be socializing again. Very common. 
A lot of people seem to progress still into later life with no hobbies or passions, but I think when you become self reliant and have a job and such you begin to realise there's more to life than hanging out with people. 
Some people though, are always going to be family people all the time. And there's nothing wrong with that. You just wont be compatible. 
I think you can split people into two groups quite easily - Those who rely on a relationship to be happy, and those who rely on being happy themselves before they can be happy in a relationship. The former are going to be insecure, needy, jump in and out of awful relationships for the sake of it, and perhaps find somebody similar and have a happy life. The later are going to have a great life no matter what as long as they make it for themselves - and if and when they get into a relationship, they will be sensible and relaxed.
I am the second and I think you are too. Try and find someone else like that if this doesn't work out for you - somebody who is busy going about their life and has some serious interests of their own. I think that's a very healthy thing.


----------



## Bevo

^^ Some great advice!


----------



## ryanoddi

EtherealEntity said:


> Sorry to hear man and I hope you're holding up ok.
> 
> I think these things are either gonna work or not gonna work - and if it wont work then the sooner it ends the better..so...
> 
> The person above said "Find someone who isn't threatened that your life doesn't revolve around them-it's unrealistic and immature to think that any person can make your life complete".
> 
> I agree. How old are you, by the way? If you are only in your late teens, you may find this gets better with time. A lot of girls (that's not to say some women aren't like it too!) I've known are still in that stage where their life is purely social so they think yours should be too. They may not have any hobbies or things they care about - so time is just spent waiting to be socializing again. Very common.
> A lot of people seem to progress still into later life with no hobbies or passions, but I think when you become self reliant and have a job and such you begin to realise there's more to life than hanging out with people.
> Some people though, are always going to be family people all the time. And there's nothing wrong with that. You just wont be compatible.
> I think you can split people into two groups quite easily - Those who rely on a relationship to be happy, and those who rely on being happy themselves before they can be happy in a relationship. The former are going to be insecure, needy, jump in and out of awful relationships for the sake of it, and perhaps find somebody similar and have a happy life. The later are going to have a great life no matter what as long as they make it for themselves - and if and when they get into a relationship, they will be sensible and relaxed.
> I am the second and I think you are too. Try and find someone else like that if this doesn't work out for you - somebody who is busy going about their life and has some serious interests of their own. I think that's a very healthy thing.



I'm holding up just fine. The day after we broke up, although in the pit of my stomach all I felt was pain from her possibly not being in my life anymore, but I felt relief. I didn't feel obligated to text her first thing in the morning and talk to her throughout work. I felt less distracted, since I didn't have phone calls/texts coming in from her every hour... I don't know how I can tell her this without her taking it like I don't want her around anymore, because at the end of the day, I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to see how she was doing. She just doesn't understand I guess.


The golf outing went really well actually. Our foursome placed 4th which I was pretty pumped about, and our relationship was never brought up, we just had some beers and laughs. 

I'm 22 and have only had one other serious relationship. Which wasn't really serious, but more so unhealthy. I was 16 when we started dating, so I was going through the "my parents are the worst!" phase and all I wanted to do was be out of the house. So, I was always over there because I could get drunk with her dad, smoke in the house (weed and cigs, which I've since quit.. except for the weed, haha.) Oh and did I mention sex? All the time.. it was pretty hard to leave that house lol. But ohh was she crazy .. so that had to end after a couple years.

Since my new girl knows about how that relationship was, she thinks that thats how I should be acting towards her, but instead, it's quite the opposite. I've tried explaining it, but she just doesn't seem to get it.

She is always going to be the family person, all the time. And I am fine with that, so long as she doesn't expect me to be with her family all the time. I love her fam. and spending time with them is always a blast, but they aren't my family. If we work things out and eventually move in together, then I could totally see things working even better for us. We would always be a few foot steps away, unless at work or whatever, but I wouldn't have a problem breaking away from what I'm doing at home, to spend some time with her throughout the night. But, fact of the matter is, she lives about 30 min away from me, and her job requires a bit different schedule than mine does, so this is what always causes issues between us.

We've talked a little each day since we broke up and are still trying to work things out. Last night was a bit hairy though since she wanted to have a talk at 3 in the morning in the middle of my buddies street and all I wanted to do was go home, so I got irritated, told her were done talking, I'm going home, drive safe.

So, we are going to be getting together today to talk some more, and probably get nowhere, because she wants me to be "the person I as when we first started dating." Which is understandable, but what she fails to understand, no matter how many different ways I try to explain to her, I can't continue with the constant need for attention. It stresses me the fuck out, and I become an ass hole. I try not to be, but I can't help it.

Oh well, we will see.. I've got no problem holding out on her for weeks, even months if I have to. I went almost a year before we dated not having sex. I can manage!  

Thanks again guys! I'll let you know how this goes.


----------



## highlordmugfug

EtherealEntity said:


> The person above said "Find someone who isn't threatened that your life doesn't revolve around them-it's unrealistic and immature to think that any person can make your life complete".
> 
> A lot of girls (that's not to say some women aren't like it too!) I've known are still in that stage where their life is purely social so they think yours should be too. They may not have any hobbies or things they care about - so time is just spent waiting to be socializing again. Very common.
> A lot of people seem to progress still into later life with no hobbies or passions, but I think when you become self reliant and have a job and such you begin to realise there's more to life than hanging out with people.
> 
> 
> I think you can split people into two groups quite easily - Those who rely on a relationship to be happy, and those who rely on being happy themselves before they can be happy in a relationship.
> 
> Try and find someone else like that if this doesn't work out for you - *somebody who is busy going about their life and has some serious interests of their own. I think that's a very healthy thing.*


My ex was exactly that way. Once we moved and she wasn't able to hang out and party (and drink and smoke) with her friends all the time, everything fell apart.

This is all excellent advice, that I wish I'd had 2 years ago.  Rep for you sir, and thank you.


----------



## Saber_777

I love my wife. Just saying guys.


----------



## highlordmugfug

I wrote a song for someone beautiful and awesome, and she said it was wonderful.



In all caps.


----------



## tacotiklah

So I'm picking up my man for my band's show on friday since he wants to go and we're gonna hang out and spend some time together afterwards. Forgive me while I do the "Im gonna get laid" dance for a bit.


----------



## butterschnapps

What is everyone's view on open relationships?

I have a friend who is into that, and I did a bit of research and feel it's better than a regular relationship, just because you've got more freedom with the relationship. It's interesting if not anything else.


----------



## Murmel

^
I could never do that because I'm one jealous motherfucker


----------



## tacotiklah

butterschnapps said:


> What is everyone's view on open relationships?
> 
> I have a friend who is into that, and I did a bit of research and feel it's better than a regular relationship, just because you've got more freedom with the relationship. It's interesting if not anything else.



AFAIK, I'm the only one on here that's in one. Weird too because despite my bf and I having one, we never really bother looking for anyone else. We're just kinda looking for the right person to come along. I figure that if everyone knows the boundaries and are cool with them and follow them, then there's no real problem.

Now it may seem better at first glance, but it takes so much trust and open-mindedness to do. There are gonna be times where your partner finds someone and is sleeping with them, and you have to be okay with that. Lots of people just can't do it. Your partner may go on dates with this person without you, and be alone/sleep with them without you. You'd have to be okay and in no way jealous of this. You'd also have to be completely trusting that they'll still come home to you and that you're the main person for them. It's not easy at all. Some people achieve this by just ignoring that "other" person, while others truly don't care as long as their partner isn't being hurt. There's plenty of different types of "open" relationships too. There's the stereotypical "we sleep with whomever we wish", then there's the "closed loop" where it's you, your partner and one other person (for polyamorous bisexuals such as myself, this is perfect), and then there's a more selective type where your partner gets to pick your other person. Probably more, but it's like 6am and my brain isn't working 100% at the moment. It varies because it really comes down to the couple considering it. You guys would have to pick your own boundaries, then follow them as word of law and to the letter. Failure to do this is when it is considered cheating, and even polyamorous people detest cheating. 

Honestly, I tell people to stick with the traditional way of dating. Poly is cool and all and I personally don't mind it, but there's all sorts of confusing and/or one-sided rules for some people. Not to mention social backlash for it. (we're unsaved heathens bound for hell don't ya know? Nevermind that people like David and Solomon had multiple wives....  )

If you do feel it's something you wanna try and your partner is cool with it, be prepared to spend lots of time talking and planning. Then talk and plan some more. And finally when you get sick of all that, talk and plan some more. Once you guys got an iron-clad set of rules that you're prepared to follow to the letter, then go on dates. Figure out if you're gonna go together or go on them separate. Get a feel for any prospects, and ALWAYS get your partner's consent on them. They will help make sure you don't pick up some crazy psycho with emotional baggage. This can be a cool bonding experience since you guys can give each other dating tips and stuff. I love talking about dating other women with my man because we get to talk about what we do/don't like and on certain ways we can improve our next date and stuff. Lately as I've said, we're not really doing this as we're just waiting for the right person/people to come along.

If you need more advice, pm me.


----------



## Varcolac

ghstofperdition said:


> pick your own boundaries, then follow them



Pretty much this. 

The ladyfriend and I have discussed polyamory a few times. We're of the opinion that if we really want to do someone else we should be entitled to, and that in theory at least we're open to the prospect. Were either of us to find someone else, we'd have to have another conversation about those boundaries. So long as we're both OK with something, I can't see why we shouldn't do it. We trust each other enough.

Still hoping that we both find the same other person, and it's another hot chick. A man can dream, right?


----------



## renzoip

butterschnapps said:


> What is everyone's view on open relationships?
> 
> I have a friend who is into that, and I did a bit of research and feel it's better than a regular relationship, just because you've got more freedom with the relationship. It's interesting if not anything else.



Although I'm not a jealous or possessive person, open relationships aren't really my thing. However, after reading "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton, I no longer hold a negative view on them.


----------



## UnderTheSign

I have a couple of friends that have or have had open relationships. some of them worked great, some of them didn't, just like regular relationships. The key seems to be remembering it's still a relationship, not an all out slutfest.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Cabinet said:


> I thought it was great, vaginas are gnarly.
> They taste funny though.


 
This is easily the most funny shit i've ever read.


----------



## tacotiklah

UnderTheSign said:


> I have a couple of friends that have or have had open relationships. some of them worked great, some of them didn't, just like regular relationships. *The key seems to be remembering it's still a relationship, not an all out slutfest.*



Emboldened for absolute truth. People tend to focus too much on the "perks" of it and forget that you have to take the good with the bad and both are a package deal. And if you have a "broken picker" when it comes to women/men/whatever, you get to have TWO crazy bitches in your life instead of just one. LUCKY YOU!


----------



## soliloquy

butterschnapps said:


> What is everyone's view on open relationships?
> 
> I have a friend who is into that, and I did a bit of research and feel it's better than a regular relationship, just because you've got more freedom with the relationship. It's interesting if not anything else.



it can be a lethal blow to the relationship.

say you two decide that you want to enter an open relationship, your partner (or you) sleep with someone while the other tried, backed out and then holds a grudge against you for ever. 

going by how common cheating/sleeping around/affairs are now a days, one thing that really scares me is that what if either my partner or i need more sex and the other is happy with once a month or less...then what? you let your partner go? allow them to sleep around? allow them to cheat on you so long as you dont know any details, but are aware that your partner (or you) are cheating? 

some fucked up shit that scares me at times


----------



## flint757

^^^Actually as for the all the time and once a month scenario I know an older couple who does exactly that. They are happy because neither are frustrated with each other. Sexual frustration is a major cause of cheating so if someone is open to the idea it could technically save a relationship.


----------



## tacotiklah

soliloquy said:


> it can be a lethal blow to the relationship.
> 
> say you two decide that you want to enter an open relationship, your partner (or you) sleep with someone while the other tried, backed out and then holds a grudge against you for ever.
> 
> going by how common cheating/sleeping around/affairs are now a days, one thing that really scares me is that what if either my partner or i need more sex and the other is happy with once a month or less...then what? you let your partner go? allow them to sleep around? allow them to cheat on you so long as you dont know any details, but are aware that your partner (or you) are cheating?
> 
> some fucked up shit that scares me at times




It's not cheating if you know about it and are completely fine with it. However, judging from your dislike for it, then yeah I can see how you would see it as cheating. The way poly people work is they make set rules of what would and would not be considered cheating. I've been in an open relationship where we could see anyone/do w/e with anyone we wanted. I've been in others where my gal got to pick who I got to be with. It comes down to what you and your partner are and are not okay with.

It's when people don't follow the gameplan that it's considered cheating and constitutes a betrayal of trust. Some people try the open thing and end up fucking anything that moves; rules be damned. Sadly it's these kinds of people that make the rest of us look bad. 


My stepsister and her husband have been together for over 20 years and they've been swingers the whole time. It can work if you want it to.


----------



## AliceLG

Quick question: How much time would you consider way too much when holding the torch for someone?

I'm topping off 6 years soon and I'm considering having a stern, complicated, possibly friendship-ruining conversation with someone I consider to be my best friend AND my true love.

Not to give the wrong idea, I haven't exactly been sitting down waiting, I had a couple of serious relationships in between but I just can't shake her. We've known each other for almost 8 years and we became very close but nothing ever happened. Once, about 5 years ago, I just went with it and told her that I wanted more from our relationship, and after a few days she told me she wasn't on the same page. It was very moving actually, she was even more disappointed than I was because she wanted to, but it was just not the right time for her (or so she said, one never truly knows ).

After that we grew a little distant from each other, and we eventually ended up living in different countries, continents actually, for the last 4 years. With the opportunity of seeing each other soon (this september actually) everything came running back to me. We pretty much picked where we left off in terms of our friendship, like no single day had passed without speaking to each other, which I find amazing. But I pretty much picked it up EXACTLY where I left off, I still want more.

Any advice?


----------



## tacotiklah

Just be cool. Like several megafonzies cool. I'm almost positive you just rush right out after not seeing her for so long and demanding more than friendship, you'll lose her completely. It may or may not work out as to whether or not you two hook up later down the road, but why rush things and throw away the very good thing that you do have?

Patience is the key to everything. You may want her right now, but what you may not be thinking of is that right now is the wrong time.


----------



## Konfyouzd

AliceLG said:


> Quick question: How much time would you consider way too much when holding the torch for someone?
> 
> I'm topping off 6 years soon and I'm considering having a stern, complicated, possibly friendship-ruining conversation with someone I consider to be my best friend AND my true love.
> 
> Not to give the wrong idea, I haven't exactly been sitting down waiting, I had a couple of serious relationships in between but I just can't shake her. We've known each other for almost 8 years and we became very close but nothing ever happened. Once, about 5 years ago, I just went with it and told her that I wanted more from our relationship, and after a few days she told me she wasn't on the same page. It was very moving actually, she was even more disappointed than I was because she wanted to, but it was just not the right time for her (or so she said, one never truly knows ).
> 
> After that we grew a little distant from each other, and we eventually ended up living in different countries, continents actually, for the last 4 years. With the opportunity of seeing each other soon (this september actually) everything came running back to me. We pretty much picked where we left off in terms of our friendship, like no single day had passed without speaking to each other, which I find amazing. But I pretty much picked it up EXACTLY where I left off, I still want more.
> 
> Any advice?



As far as I'm concerned the person you choose to be with *should* be someone you consider to be your best friend. I think a lot of folks get too caught up in the idea of romantic love and forget that you need more than locking eyes from across the room to carry a relationship into the long term. 

Further, I think that if you feel a certain way and said person is supposed to be your best friend, then you should be able to talk about anything (another desirable quality in a mate). Thus, regardless of the outcome of the situation you should at the very least be able to still be friends and at best walk away with a little more than that.


----------



## AliceLG

ghstofperdition said:


> I'm almost positive you just rush right out after not seeing her for so long and demanding more than friendship, you'll lose her completely ... Patience is the key to everything. You may want her right now, but what you may not be thinking of is that right now is the wrong time.



That might be the problem, I've never been megafonzies cool with her. We've always had a just-fucking-say-it-I-might-forgive-you kinda thing going on. So if suddenly I'm all cool as shit and aloof she'll definitely pick that up and probably see right thru. If she doesn't I'd be really disappointed quite honestly.

I'm shitloads patient, but dammit it has always been the right time for me, I need a reality check from her. I mean, I do want more, and if this time around she's on board that would make me a really happy person. But if she isn't I need to hear it once more ... and then wait ... for like another 3 failed relationships ... and for like another 5 years 



Konfyouzd said:


> As far as I'm concerned the person you choose to be with *should* be someone you consider to be your best friend.



Completely agree to that. I do think our friendship is rock solid, and that's precisely why I'm considering putting it to the test.


----------



## Rustee

AliceLG said:


> That might be the problem, I've never been megafonzies cool with her. We've always had a just-fucking-say-it-I-might-forgive-you kinda thing going on. So if suddenly I'm all cool as shit and aloof she'll definitely pick that up and probably see right thru. If she doesn't I'd be really disappointed quite honestly.
> 
> I'm shitloads patient, but dammit it has always been the right time for me, I need a reality check from her. I mean, I do want more, and if this time around she's on board that would make me a really happy person. But if she isn't I need to hear it once more ... and then wait ... for like another 3 failed relationships ... and for like another 5 years
> 
> 
> 
> Completely agree to that. I do think our friendship is rock solid, and that's precisely why I'm considering putting it to the test.



Honestly bro, I'm not saying you should do exactly this because it seems like you guys are great friends from what you've written. But I was in a similar situation I guess, my best friend for four years, her name was Emily, I was totally in love with the girl for the whole time, had a few relationships during that time and so did she but we always had that 'thing'. I tried a few times to bring it to the next level but she always came up with an excuse, like it was a bad time or there was another guy involved.

The thing is (I didn't realise at the time), she couldn't be bothered being in a relationship with me but she loved the attention I gave her, I was such a good friend to her and she treated me like shit (although I didn't realise that at the time). 

So about three months ago I asked her to my formal, things started looking up, I brought her to the beach the night of my birthday and she grabbed my hand and kissed me, I was so surprised but it was so damn awesome.

And then she didn't speak to me for three weeks, didn't answer my texts, it was utter bullshit. When I finally confronted her about it she made up some shit story about some mental problem she has (she was a compulsive liar) and I forgave her like an idiot. Then one day, about two weeks later, I woke up and said "you know what, I deserve better than this, because I am a fucking top bloke". So I called the bitch and pretty much said "I don't want to speak to you ever again, and I'll find somebody else to take to formal, laters".

It was only in the next couple of weeks that I realised - life was 10x easier without her. I didn't have her bullshit playing at the back of my mind 24/7. It was incredible. She tried to come crawling back but I didn't give her an inch. I am very proud of myself. This was the first time I actually ballsed up and stood up for myself. She pretty much controlled me for the four years.

Like I said, probably not a good idea to do what I did, I just kinda wanted to share that story because it's pretty great. Not sure how to help you out but good luck buddy.


----------



## AliceLG

Well in your case, imho, you took the right decision and did what had to be done. She was treating you like shit, so fuck it.

The thing with Ana is that I've given here quite about the same amount of shit she's given me 

I guess I'll test the waters, on paper (Skype) it feels as though we're on the same track this time around, but I might be reading too much into it and seeing what I want to see, it's been known to happen before 

I think "this serious talk" will happen, regardless of the water-testing, what will change will probably be the form.

Thanks for the input so far, and keep them coming


----------



## tacotiklah

AliceLG said:


> That might be the problem, I've never been megafonzies cool with her. We've always had a just-fucking-say-it-I-might-forgive-you kinda thing going on. So if suddenly I'm all cool as shit and aloof she'll definitely pick that up and probably see right thru. If she doesn't I'd be really disappointed quite honestly.
> 
> I'm shitloads patient, but dammit it has always been the right time for me, I need a reality check from her. I mean, I do want more, and if this time around she's on board that would make me a really happy person. But if she isn't I need to hear it once more ... and then wait ... for like another 3 failed relationships ... and for like another 5 years



Sorry to be prying, but do you feel that those "future" failed relationships would be that way because of the fact that you can't or won't move on from this girl? If that's the case, then why would you want to have them to begin with? That just leads other good people on and then you'd be the bad person in all of it for hurting people. (even if it wasn't your intention. I bring this up because I've made this same mistake)

If you're gonna get with someone, you gotta do it because you genuinely wanna be with them; not because you're alone and pining for "the one" and need someone to take your mind off of it. Like I said, I'm not judging, but I kinda see a potential problem there and it's a path I've traveled and to great disaster.

Also based on the little info I have to work with (it's so hard trying to give advice when you really just don't know the whole situation and can't see firsthand the dynamics that the two people involved have firsthand) asking her every few years will lead to continuous string of "no" or something to that effect. 

By all means have this talk with her (you seem determined to do it at any rate), but if it were me, I wouldn't hold my breath that anything has changed. I hope that she does tell you yes, I really do. But I've seen it work out that way so little, that the realist in me feels that this is a really big gamble to be taking with an otherwise amazing friendship. The heart wants what the heart wants I guess, but sometimes people need to check emotion at the door and really think about these kinds of things logically.


----------



## AliceLG

ghstofperdition said:


> Sorry to be prying, but do you feel that those "future" failed relationships would be that way because of the fact that you can't or won't move on from this girl? If that's the case, then why would you want to have them to begin with? That just leads other good people on and then you'd be the bad person in all of it for hurting people. (even if it wasn't your intention. I bring this up because I've made this same mistake)



Don't apologize, by all means, pry all you want  Although qualifying my future relationships as failed was an attempt at sarcasm, the fact that I haven't moved on has had an impact. There has been only one with whom I forgot about Ana and enjoyed my time with her. I don't remember why we broke it off but it had nothing to do with anyone else. And yes, I've made the same mistake, more than once, never intentionally.



ghstofperdition said:


> By all means have this talk with her (you seem determined to do it at any rate), but if it were me, I wouldn't hold my breath that anything has changed. I hope that she does tell you yes, I really do. But I've seen it work out that way so little, that the realist in me feels that this is a really big gamble to be taking with an otherwise amazing friendship. The heart wants what the heart wants I guess, but sometimes people need to check emotion at the door and really think about these kinds of things logically.



I'm not, not really. I know there's a really big chance she'll get upset and and hand it to me. I know the odds are against me on this one. But this is something I need to say, even though it might be the very last thing she needs to hear. Maybe it's my turn to be selfish 

Logically this is an ill-advised decision to say the least , specially considering the whole picture, which I've been intentionally keeping to myself. I'm an extremely rational guy, but I'm going to throw that out the door this once (or twice, actually) because that's what I want.


----------



## TaylorMacPhail

EtherealEntity said:


> Sorry to hear man and I hope you're holding up ok.
> 
> I think these things are either gonna work or not gonna work - and if it wont work then the sooner it ends the better..so...
> 
> The person above said "Find someone who isn't threatened that your life doesn't revolve around them-it's unrealistic and immature to think that any person can make your life complete".
> 
> I agree. How old are you, by the way? If you are only in your late teens, you may find this gets better with time. A lot of girls (that's not to say some women aren't like it too!) I've known are still in that stage where their life is purely social so they think yours should be too. They may not have any hobbies or things they care about - so time is just spent waiting to be socializing again. Very common.
> A lot of people seem to progress still into later life with no hobbies or passions, but I think when you become self reliant and have a job and such you begin to realise there's more to life than hanging out with people.
> Some people though, are always going to be family people all the time. And there's nothing wrong with that. You just wont be compatible.
> I think you can split people into two groups quite easily - Those who rely on a relationship to be happy, and those who rely on being happy themselves before they can be happy in a relationship. The former are going to be insecure, needy, jump in and out of awful relationships for the sake of it, and perhaps find somebody similar and have a happy life. The later are going to have a great life no matter what as long as they make it for themselves - and if and when they get into a relationship, they will be sensible and relaxed.
> I am the second and I think you are too. Try and find someone else like that if this doesn't work out for you - somebody who is busy going about their life and has some serious interests of their own. I think that's a very healthy thing.



Gotta love the concept of Introvert and Extrovert personalities!


----------



## broj15

Well it's been a while since i posted in here since I haven't really had a reason to but here I am. Two days ago my girlfriend of two years decided it was time for us to go on a break. She said she wasn't sure if she loved me anymore and that she needs some time to her self to think things through. I guess we're technically still in a relationship together and she hasn't completely ruled out the possibility that we can maybe get back together in the future, however I'm not really banking on it. It turns out this all stems from some shit that went down a while ago that I thought had blown over, but apparently not, and she just neglected to tell me just how upset she was (i guess I'm supposed to be a mind reader). At first it was pretty tough to handle seeing as how it was pretty unexpected (for me atleast) and i really broke down after she left my house and took the majority of her things with her, however she did leave a few things, which i can hardly stand the sight of since all they do is bring back alot of memories. Thus far I've been ok i guess. I've been hangng out with my friends alot, trying to find a new job in the city so i can move out of my parents house, and just trying to remember what I used to do for fun before she was around. Yesterday it hit me pretty hard when I woke up. We're both off work on monday so she usually comes over to my house and just climbs in bed with me and we'll sleep til the mid afternoon and go out for a late lunch and just chill all day. It was just really hard waking up expecting her to be there when it was just me in my bed. Today has been pretty rough too. Usually she would be at my house getting ready to go into work (i live closer to her job then she does) but today it's just be me all alone. I'm hoping I can make it through this and learn to live life without her. It's even worse seeing as how this was probably my first real relationship (dated a couple girls in high school but they didn't last long enough for me to become really emotionally invested) so I've never had to deal with this before. I don't have a whole lot of people to talk to about this (all my friends want me to do now is go to parties so I can meet new girls) so I figured I might as well post my problems in here.


----------



## rawrkunjrawr

Oh my god, today was the best day I ever had. I'll start with the odds of the off topicisy. After being unemployed for months I am days away from getting a new job so I can start working towards my dream. And this all started since I started talking to this girl named, Angela. Just saying her name is making my heart melt. I told her I love her and with all the balls my little 5 foot 6 body has I said everything from how she makes me feel and whatever else I thought of. Her reply, "I love you too." At this point I lost it as a man and became a 14 year old girl. She told me how she wanted to say it before but was to scared, and when I told her all she could do was smile and blush. She just went to bed, and I needed to tell someone just for the sake of it so I came here. I'm just so happy right now I can't even think straight. I can't wait till the morning just to say I love you again to her. Well time for some Parkway Drive and then off to bed.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Odd question but do any guys here feel they come off as a creep no mater what women they talk to. (not including family)


----------



## Cynic

i'm 20 but i look like i'm twelve, so i can't date high school girls and chicks my age don't want a boy (or they have kids) wat do


----------



## Rustee

Cynic said:


> i'm 20 but i look like i'm twelve, so i can't date high school girls and chicks my age don't want a boy (or they have kids) wat do



Rock out with your cock out.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Cynic said:


> i'm 20 but i look like i'm twelve, so i can't date high school girls and chicks my age don't want a boy (or they have kids) wat do


My step dad looks about 15 and he's a drummer. so I hope that helps.


----------



## Cynic

Dan_Vacant said:


> My step dad looks about 15 and he's a drummer. so I hope that helps.



no? does he give em the dick or not?

but seriously i don't know what you're getting at


----------



## AliceLG

Dan_Vacant said:


> Odd question but do any guys here feel they come off as a creep no mater what women they talk to. (not including family)



Yup, being socially akward is a personality treat I treasure  It also helps to cut through the bullshit and be honest, since you have no clue how to phrase something in a socially accepted way, you show your true colors more easily. It's a two-way street though, some people don't appreciate it, at all.



Cynic said:


> i'm 20 but i look like i'm twelve, so i can't date high school girls and chicks my age don't want a boy (or they have kids) wat do



Have had the same problem for ages. I have 6 years on my brother and people often think we're twins, or that he's the older one. When I was 19 I did all kinds of shit to look at least my age, grew my hair really long, got piercings, started wearing polo shirts and regular (as opposed to baggy) pants. Now I'm 28 and everyone acts surprised when I say that, everyone thinks I'm at most 25. It'll work itself out in time, but while you wait, if it is really that important, try to develop an older image, be it through clothing or just behavior.


----------



## tacotiklah

I look like a weirdo to people, regardless of gender. Then it hit me; stop caring what others think of you. I have my "relapses" so to speak, but I try to remind myself that I love me, I love everything about me, and there are very few things I would ever want to change about myself. So my advice is to stop worrying about if someone finds you as creepy, and just be you.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Cynic said:


> no? does he give em the dick or not?
> 
> but seriously i don't know what you're getting at


it was a bad joke cause but saying he's my step dad and looks 15 that means he got married and still looks very young.


----------



## axxessdenied

Dan_Vacant said:


> Odd question but do any guys here feel they come off as a creep no mater what women they talk to. (not including family)



The trick is to not give a shit about what anyone thinks about you. Confidence!

edit: what ghsofperdition said pretty much! I didnt get that far down before I posted


----------



## Konfyouzd

Dan - Yes I pretty much always feel like a creep and I'm the least likely person to ever do anything creepy. C'est la vie, no? 

Unfortunately it's only brought me to a point where I no longer feel I even need them. But I've also noticed that life w/o them can make one quite restless. Internally torn am I. I think I need to just go after older women.


----------



## idunno

ghstofperdition said:


> But the question that I'm still struggling with is:
> Do I even want to bother?
> 
> I mean, I just got emotionally trolled by this chick and my patience has worn pretty thin with the 'play hard to get' crap thanks to her. Before I found it sexy, but now I'm just tired of the charade, and want someone that has their shit together and is clear and concise on what they want. I hate the fact that I seem to manage to attract the craziest people.....



As far as ive read, you are in a somewhat interesting and less common situation regarding the way you live day to day. Its going to be hard to attract people who arent crazy or very strange. Dont feel like its your fault for it, they just love that kind of stuff! Just keep being awesome and you might get lucky. Or play crazy mindgames and feel like a jerk, its a rough choice.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Konfyouzd said:


> Dan - Yes I pretty much always feel like a creep and I'm the least likely person to ever do anything creepy. C'est la vie, no?
> 
> Unfortunately it's only brought me to a point where I no longer feel I even need them. But I've also noticed that life w/o them can make one quite restless. Internally torn am I. I think I need to just go after older women.


I tend to find older women more attractive. I feel as if David Lee Roth wrote about me.


----------



## tacotiklah

^ Unless they have the absolute most gorgeous body and personality, I really can't bring myself to date anyone that is more than 10 years older than myself. No cougars or manthers for me please.


----------



## Murmel

AliceLG said:


> When I was 19 I did all kinds of shit to look at least my age, grew my hair really long


This doesn't work for everyone. Some people look much younger with long hair. When I cut mine off I instantly looked much older.

If you have an epic metal beard and really good hair, then sure it'd work


----------



## tacotiklah

Yeah back when I was trying to be more macho and whatnot, I shaved my head and grew a goatee. Not only did I look like a skinhead, but I added about 10 years to my age. Never got carded anywhere I went.


----------



## Kidneythief

Sooo any ideas how to get to know a girl you only see once (perhaps lucky twice) a day? In the break area of a multinational IT Firm. With lots of other people around you. You don't even know her name. And you are a bit just too nervous to go over, and can't even think of an opening-line/ice-breaker?


----------



## -42-

^Nut up and say "hello" man. Don't piddle around trying to sound clever, because you won't. Ask to sit next to her in the break room, greet her with a handshake and a smile, make small talk about your jobs or bosses or something, if you're lucky mutual interests might come into the conversation. Expect it to be awkward, and accept that the conversation _will_ have awkward moments, and just try and laugh and smile your way through them. Know any cheesy jokes? That would be the time to use them.

Most of all, accept that even if you guys have a million different little things in common, and you handle your end of the conversation super smoothly, and you smile, laugh, nod and listen with the best of them, she still might not be into you. Fear of rejection can be paralyzing, I know that firsthand. Guys want to bat 100 when it comes to the ladies, and that's perfectly natural, but it means that we are practically paralyzed when it comes time to step up to the plate. The best you can be is chiseled, rich and funny, but you should really just settle for being yourself. If you're awkward, who cares? Accept and embrace your eccentricities. Any woman worth dating will forgive your awkwardness if you're earnest.

Lastly, if she isn't in to you, don't kill yourself over it. For all you know she's in a relationship already, or you aren't her type, or she's a lesbian or whatever. Don't let one bad swing at the plate sour the rest of your dating life. You never know what life will give you, maybe she isn't into you romantically, but you gain a platonic friend (this has happened to me personally, it is not 'friend zoning', that's a term horny teenagers like to throw around because not every woman they interact with wants to fuck them) or maybe she introduces you one of her friends and you two hit it off. Treat it as an opportunity, not a challenge.

Bottom line, be an optimist, and if it ends poorly, or doesn't even get off the ground, don't let that get you down.


----------



## Fiction

Kidneythief said:


> Sooo any ideas how to get to know a girl you only see once (perhaps lucky twice) a day? In the break area of a multinational IT Firm. With lots of other people around you. You don't even know her name. And you are a bit just too nervous to go over, and can't even think of an opening-line/ice-breaker?



How much does a polar bear weigh? .. Enough to break the ice.

Make sure you wear a condom when you go to use it because you're in for insta-sex.

---

But actually, a great thing to start conversations is make a comment on something they wear, or you've seen them have a lot.. A necklace, ring, hat maybe or something. And compliment it, say you've noticed it a lot or whatever and ask whether it has any significance, then introduce yourself.. Try and branch off from something she says in said reply. Maybe the ring was her grand mothers, make up some bull shit about how your grand mother used to always make you shit, and of course her grand mother did and then you can branch off from something brought up then. A change in conversation is always good, but try to branch it off from something, don't be all like "Grandmothers, oh did you see that new movie 'zombie rape apocalypse inferno III?'" 

Also start to wear something a lot, and people will start to come up to you for it as well.


----------



## Kidneythief

Well bummer...found out her name, and turns out she is engaged 
And yes I'm that sort of person who will not intrude in other peoples relationships.

I guess then the hunt is still on then.
But thank you for the advices non the less.


----------



## tacotiklah

^ Good on you for not being a creeper or a homewrecker. Some people don't have the kind of respect and it always bugs me. Props!


----------



## Kidneythief

Or maybe I should write her 600 e-mails? (´&#65381;&#969;&#65381;`)


----------



## tacotiklah

Kidneythief said:


> Or maybe I should write her 600 e-mails? (´&#65381;&#969;&#65381;`)



I was trying so hard not to post that in this thread too.


----------



## Kidneythief

Well that was bound to happen sooner or later.

Bummer...I'm a bit bummed out now though.
I'm reaching that age (oh look at me so old 27 years old..hehhh), that most of the girls around my age are either engaged, or already married. Or are so busy with their none existent careers, that they don't give a rats ass about a stable relationship.

I'm tired of one night stands...not like I've been getting a lot in the last 4-5 months...but hell


----------



## VBCheeseGrater

rawrkunjrawr said:


> Oh my god, today was the best day I ever had. I'll start with the odds of the off topicisy. After being unemployed for months I am days away from getting a new job so I can start working towards my dream. And this all started since I started talking to this girl named, Angela. Just saying her name is making my heart melt. I told her I love her and with all the balls my little 5 foot 6 body has I said everything from how she makes me feel and whatever else I thought of. Her reply, "I love you too." At this point I lost it as a man and became a 14 year old girl. She told me how she wanted to say it before but was to scared, and when I told her all she could do was smile and blush. She just went to bed, and I needed to tell someone just for the sake of it so I came here. I'm just so happy right now I can't even think straight. I can't wait till the morning just to say I love you again to her. Well time for some Parkway Drive and then off to bed.



haha good for you man, enjoy the feeling!! 

..and good luck to those having issues, relationship issues are one of the most painful things to go through, but we live, unless it's fatal attraction or something


----------



## flexkill

I'm getting divorced after 14 years of marriage! Can't fucking wait!


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^hello, Mr. Brigtside!


----------



## JosephAOI

flexkill, you need to revive this thread!!!:

http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/off-topic/186479-divorce.html


My problem:
For you guys who know what's been going on with me, you know that my girlfriend is transgendered and that she's struggling with her desire to become male. She told me she was going to just deal with it and stay female for me but lately she's been being so much more male. Reiterating about this, I have NO PROBLEM with anyone being transgendered/transsexual/anything else but I do have a bit of a problem with dating a male, being a heterosexual male. She recently picked out her male name, having everyone call her by it, cut her hair mega short, is talking about getting sugery, etc.

I really like her. The thing is though, I really like HER. I like women, I want to be with a woman. She won't be a woman much longer.

The past couple days I've been on the fence about ending it but I felt like I needed to talk to someone about it. SSO is always my first place to go.

What do you guys think?


----------



## MFB

Staying in the relationship longer isn't going to change the end result, and if that's who she is now and is confident in it and going through with it then you can't change her-soon-to-his mind (not that you're trying to of course). I would say talk to her and explain that exact problem that you love her as a her and although you might not be together afterwards, you'd still like to be friends because she'll still be the same person inside (this also on the assumption you DO still want to be friends ).


----------



## flint757

Same advice I gave before dude. Just walk away. It isn't fair to either of you.


----------



## Murmel

I should collect the balls and ask this acquaintance of mine out sometime, we've hung out a few times with mutual friends and we got along well. We don't really meet when it's not school though, unless it's one of those hang-outs.
I'm just super terrified of dates. Hell, I get nervous as fuck even taking a coffee alone with one of my friends 

And her eyes are so. fucking. gorgeous. I like big eyes


----------



## sage

To JosephAOI: What you are dealing with there ain't going to end well. If your girlfriend wants to become a dude and you are not into dudes, it's time to cut your losses and move on. I've had a couple of lesbian friends whose girlfriends wanted to make the switch. They were super supportive of their partners, but, jesus, if you are attracted to chicks and your chick is no longer going to be a chick, you ain't gonna be able to reconcile that one. And it all ends in tears anyway. Get it over with, then be a supportive friend through the journey if you reckon you can manage that.


----------



## flint757

When he posted about it awhile ago I knew eventually she was going to just do it, it was inevitable. She tried the forward approach now she is trying the I'm just going to leave you out of it approach.

I had a girlfriend a long time ago who wanted to shave her head and I wasn't digging it so she didn't do it. We broke up not probably a month later she shaved her head. What's my point? She still wanted to do it and that never went away. At that point for us and for you too it just doesn't click anymore.


----------



## MFB

Murmel said:


> And her eyes are so. fucking. gorgeous. I like big eyes



I've found just the girl for you then


----------



## JosephAOI

^

Also guys, problem solved. We're getting married 

Jk, but we're still together (WHO CALLED THAT ONE?!). It's a little bit more complex than I originally thought. Or maybe a little more simplistic? I dunno.


----------



## MFB

JosephAOI said:


> ^
> 
> Also guys, problem solved. We're getting married
> 
> Jk, but we're still together (WHO CALLED THAT ONE?!). It's a little bit more complex than I originally thought. Or maybe a little more simplistic? I dunno.



I was gonna say, if you're actually getting married then you're making about as much sense as Denko Stalker


----------



## JosephAOI

MFB said:


> I was gonna say, if you're actually getting married then you're making about as much sense as Denko Stalker



(´&#65381;&#969;&#65381;`)


----------



## Aevolve

Murmel said:


> And her eyes are so. fucking. gorgeous. I like big eyes



Yay I'm not the only one that loves big eyes!


----------



## -42-

MFB said:


> I've found just the girl for you then



I wonder if she would be willing to bone like that...


----------



## AliceLG

Count me in for the big eyes club!


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

-42- said:


> I wonder if she would be willing to bone like that...


 

Or at least serve up some dome.


----------



## tacotiklah

JosephAOI said:


> ^
> 
> Also guys, problem solved. We're getting married
> 
> Jk, but we're still together (WHO CALLED THAT ONE?!). It's a little bit more complex than I originally thought. Or maybe a little more simplistic? I dunno.



Yeah since I know the situation way better now, I can say that you have a hell of a girl and that she loves the fuck out of you.


----------



## JosephAOI

Definitely.

Other than her gender identity, she's literally perfect to me. Absolutely everything I've ever wanted in a girl. Even though she listens to some crappy music


----------



## tacotiklah

JosephAOI said:


> Definitely.
> 
> Other than her gender identity, she's literally perfect to me. Absolutely everything I've ever wanted in a girl. Even though she listens to some crappy music



Who knows, maybe the gender thing can be a hidden blessing in some ways. Just proceed with an open mind (which you have been thus far and I commend you for), and let the chips fall where they may.


----------



## zakattak192

>That feeling when you've been friendzoned by every single female you've ever had any sort of feelings for other than your one ex girlfriend who cheated on you with her ex boyfriend for drugs.

It's a bad feeling, guys.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

^ man that sucks 
sorry to hear


----------



## The Buttmonkey

K guys, big serious question. If you had to guess, how old would you say this girl is? And how attractive.


----------



## tacotiklah

^ I'd say 15. And as such any thoughts of attraction are null and void because I don't like jail.


----------



## MFB

I'd say 15/16, 17 MAX. Anything more than and she's lying unless you get proof.


----------



## flint757

I'm guessing 13 actually and she's pretty for a child. No jail for me thank you.


----------



## leandroab

I met 20+ girls who look younger than her. Nowadays my sense of how old a girl is is totally fucked.

I see 14/15 girls that look WAY HOTTER than 20+ girls. It's fucking ridiculous.


----------



## flint757

So does someone have the actual number?

Was this to avoid going to jail or were you shocked by her apperance and her age and wondering if you were crazy?


----------



## Fiction

leandroab said:


> I see 14/15 girls that look WAY HOTTER than 20+ girls. It's fucking ridiculous.


----------



## The Buttmonkey

flint757 said:


> So does someone have the actual number?
> 
> Was this to avoid going to jail or were you shocked by her apperance and her age and wondering if you were crazy?



She's 13 and she looks like that.   



Yesterday she told me she liked me. 

Not sure how I feel about that just yet. She looks good. But I am 17. I said if she still feels the same, maybe in several years we can date. I ain't no way doin it now. Though she is cute.  We end up spending a lot of time together and we get along.

So the second one I guess. I wanted to consult someone before I officially classified her as jailbait.



> Was this to avoid going to jail or were you shocked by her apperance and her age and wondering if you were crazy?


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

^I'd say 16 at the oldest.


----------



## -42-

She could be anywhere from 14 to 22 man. 


Provided she's old enough, I would.


----------



## The Buttmonkey

She's 13 guys. Learn to read.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Leandro...


----------



## tacotiklah

Konfyouzd said:


> Leandro...



Yeah, and i'm pretty sure her parents would have this mindset:



> ''I intend them to fuck them with the long cock of the law." - Trashmanzac


----------



## flint757

Woot I guessed right. What do I win? 

I wouldn't do it, in one year and maybe now pending on state laws she already is jail bait.


----------



## renzoip

Once upon a time, I had a drunken 16 year old girl trying to get in my pants. I told her I was going to grab some water and come back. Instead, I left and never came back. I avoided some major drama, and possible jail time. I lived happily ever after.


----------



## leandroab

Fiction said:


>



It's true man! Jailbait is going to dominate the world! 



The Buttmonkey said:


> She's 13... But I am 17.



You guys are not dating, sorry. She's too young, although a 4/3 year difference is not really big.


----------



## Genome

This thread got real weird real fast.


----------



## Murmel

leandroab said:


> I met 20+ girls who look younger than her. Nowadays my sense of how old a girl is is totally fucked.
> 
> I see 14/15 girls that look WAY HOTTER than 20+ girls. It's fucking ridiculous.



Leandro is right. 12-15yo's don't look the same as they used to. Hell, it's not uncommon for me to see 10-11 year olds wearing fancy clothing and make-up, that was very rare just 5-6 years ago when I was that age.

My sister has some ridiculously good looking friends, and just a year ago some of them weren't older than 13.
Just a few months ago I saw that my sister liked a picture of this girl and popped up in my feed. I was stunned with how good she looked, then I checked her profile just out of curiosity. I seriously guessed at least 15.

She was born in 1998 and was 13


----------



## Brill

Okay, so There is this Girl who I like, I am unaware if she however likes me. She hugs me and compliments me a lot.
I want to try and get with her, So I have a somewhat decent plan. I am A vegan (And have been for about a year), And she really likes that about me, and wants to become one her self. So I have offered to Go over and be her Vegan cook for a weekend.
Is this a good idea? And If it isn't, any other advice?


----------



## Fiction

Loxodrome said:


> So I have offered to Go over and be her Vegan cook for a weekend.



Sounds like a low budget porno that couldn't afford a pizza.

..

Go for it!


----------



## Brill

Fiction said:


> Sounds like a low budget porno that couldn't afford a pizza.



I can cook Vegan Pizza......


----------



## Fiction

Then yous gon' be in for a good time.


----------



## cataclysm_child

I just got out of a 4-5 year long relationship a couple of weeks ago.
Ah, the freedom! I can play guitar whenever I like, play as loud as I like, do whatever the fuck I want without any argument. It's awesome!

I'll stay single the rest of my life. Kinda sad and lonely, but I still love it, haha.


----------



## tacotiklah

Guys, do yourselves a favor and stop tempting fate. Just date college chicks and not worry about deflowering young girls. 


Edit: Food for thought too....
What is with the high demand for young girls that clearly don't know what they fuck they are doing in bed? Seriously, are you guys really THAT attracted to having awkward sex? Awkward sex is just as bad as not getting any at all. 
Do yourselves a favor and get with somebody that has a clue and won't ruin everything because you have to teach them how to fuck.


----------



## The Buttmonkey

ghstofperdition said:


> not worry about deflowering young girls.



I never said ANYTHING about that!  God guys, stop being so perverted!



> You guys are not dating, sorry. She's too young, although a 4/3 year difference is not really big.



This is correct  I already said I told her straight up I'm not going to date her but if we're still in the same place later one (much later, in this case) I would consider it. Funny thing is, she acts like a teenager and is at least mature enough to understand my position on things. So it's all cool.

I still think she's pretty tho...


----------



## Brill

xD why does everyone talk about sex... i prefer Snuggling...

here's a question. If you go back in time and have sex with yourself, is that sex or masturbation?


----------



## Fiction

The Buttmonkey said:


> Funny thing is, she acts like a teenager and is at least mature enough to understand my position on things. So it's all cool.



Famous last words.

I know you've said you won't pursue it, but tread lightly my friend.


----------



## The Buttmonkey

Loxodrome said:


> have *sex* with yourself, is that *sex* or masturbation?



I believe you've answered your own question in asking it.

Better go read that sentence again, son!


----------



## GXPO

ghstofperdition said:


> Edit: Food for thought too....
> What is with the high demand for young girls that clearly don't know what they fuck they are doing in bed? Seriously, are you guys really THAT attracted to having awkward sex? Awkward sex is just as bad as not getting any at all.
> Do yourselves a favor and get with somebody that has a clue and won't ruin everything because you have to teach them how to fuck.


 
This, this, this and this. + rep for wisdom.


----------



## broj15

so an update on my situation:

I'm not sure if my ex gf (we're both officially single) is just being emotional or is in the mood to fuck with my head. The other day she walked into my work to come see me after she got off so we could talk. She said that maybe i should call her after some time has passed so we can talk about getting back together and then 5 minutes later she starts crying saying that she doesn't feel like she could ever love me again. 

As i may have stated earlier there is no other guy (i know she wouldn't play me like that because she's had that happen to her before and she knows how shitty it feels) so thats not an issue i'm worried about. I hadn't talked to her in about a week and straight up asked her if she even missed me at all to which her reply was "no, not really." (hearing her say that hurt alot). I then told her that i was just having a hard time understanding how someone could be in a relationship with someone else for over 2 years and not even have a small part of them that still cared about the other person. 

The one positive thats come out of this situation is i'm finding the time to hang out with some of my old friends that i haven't talked to in a while which has been a blast. Honestly other than the whole "waking up alone and then being immediately depressed until i hit a bowl" thing this week has been pretty excellent. Me and my boss decided to get trashed the other night (something i told my gf i would stop doing because she thought it was bad for me) which was probably the happist i've been/ most fun i've had in a few months.

I'm just not sure if i should maybe hold out and wait on her for a little while longer or just go ahead and say fuck it and start the process of getting over her. I'm definetely not ready for a girlfriend at this point but i'm not opposed to having a cool attractive, girl whose down to just hang out and smoke a bowl and perhaps get slightly physical(no further than 2nd base) but i know if i did something like that it would blow up in my face and ruin my chances of getting back together with my ex. 

tl;dr: Hold out a little longer and hope for the best or say fuck it and move on?


----------



## flint757

Can't you do both? Just live your life and if it happens it happens. SO I guess move on? If she does in fact still care and wants to stay around it doesn't sound like it and she is trying very hard to make you not like her. Since there's no other guy clearly she really wants it to be over. As for the not missing you part, how long have you been apart?


----------



## tacotiklah

Loxodrome said:


> xD why does everyone talk about sex... i prefer Snuggling...
> 
> here's a question. If you go back in time and have sex with yourself, is that sex or masturbation?



Masturbation, because masturbation has often been defined as sex with yourself. Technically speaking, getting yourself off counts as you having sex with yourself, because anybody else getting you off counts as sexual activity.


Okay fine you guys wanna "snuggle" then right? Just make sure you have a gorgeous looking DC800 on your persons when you go out "snuggling" so that when you get busted doing it, you can at least distract people enough to GTFO of there safely. 


Edit: Broj15, she doesn't wanna be in a relationship based on what you're posting. She may feel bored, stuck, or just plain unhappy in some way. It may not even be you personally that's the cause of it. My advice is to just keep going on with your life doing what you want, and let her decide whether she stays or not.


----------



## broj15

flint757 said:


> Can't you do both? Just live your life and if it happens it happens. SO I guess move on? If she does in fact still care and wants to stay around it doesn't sound like it and she is trying very hard to make you not like her. Since there's no other guy clearly she really wants it to be over. As for the not missing you part, how long have you been apart?


 
I guess I could do both. It's just if something happens and i end up meeting someone only to hear from my ex a week later saying she wants to try and get back together i would end up more stressed and confused then i already am. As far as how long we've been apart, it's been approximately 2 weeks without communication, save the incident i posted about. Perhaps the reason I miss her so much is because i always wanted to share my hobbies (outside of the musical ones) with her so any time I decide i want to do something tha interests me it always makes me think about how she isn't around to be involved like she was. I honestly don't want to love her anymore since she has made it pretty obvious that she no longer feels the same way but for some reason I can't help it.

This might sound strange to alot of people but I honestly wish she was cheating on me or did something along those lines to hurt me because then i would be pissed off at her instead of missing her all the time, which would make moving on alot easier.


----------



## flint757

broj15 said:


> I guess I could do both. It's just if something happens and i end up meeting someone only to hear from my ex a week later saying she wants to try and get back together i would end up more stressed and confused then i already am. As far as how long we've been apart, it's been approximately 2 weeks without communication, save the incident i posted about. Perhaps the reason I miss her so much is because i always wanted to share my hobbies (outside of the musical ones) with her so any time I decide i want to do something tha interests me it always makes me think about how she isn't around to be involved like she was. I honestly don't want to love her anymore since she has made it pretty obvious that she no longer feels the same way but for some reason I can't help it.
> 
> This might sound strange to alot of people but I honestly wish she was cheating on me or did something along those lines to hurt me because then i would be pissed off at her instead of missing her all the time, which would make moving on alot easier.



It wouldn't make it easier in the slightest trust me. Nothing you can do emotionally, but wait it out. I wouldn't concern yourself with the what if's. If you find someone else and you like them stay even if she asks you out again. Or if your dissatisfied go back, but if you just mope around waiting for her even if she does come back it's messed up to be treated that way and if she doesn't well then your just left sad and alone and that's no fun. It's a break up you can do what you want, find someone new. If you go back to her in the end and it was meant to be it would only make it stronger.

Did she want to break up to get some space or did she even give you an explanation? I ask because it would be easier to gauge her responses.


----------



## broj15

She said she wanted to break up because she "didn't love me anymore and was tired of trying to love me".


----------



## flint757

Well seems pretty cut and dry honestly. Sorry to hear it though. It's a fresh wound so it's going to hurt, but don't dwell it will only make it worse. Based on this and what you've said previously you should definitely move on and probably never come back. If she decides to come back to you it will only be temporary because she is lonely or is feeling down from another relationship (rebound). In other words you'll only be being used. In the context given though even this seems unlikely so if your wanting a relationship (and a good one) moving on is best. Obviously I'm making a lot of assumptions/ generalizations so keep that in mind. 

This has just been my observations/experience. My first girlfriend cheated on me 3 times (I was an idiot) and then broke it off with me. (yes I was a pushover) Couple months later I was in another relationship and she came crawling back. Turned her away and sent her packing because what ended everything in the first place still existed. So if you got back together it will more than likely just be a count down till the next break up. I'm a nice guy so once they leave, get bullied by the "bad ass", they want the good guy again until they get bored, yet again. The truth is women don't know what love actually is. So many want the spark and excitement which in most cases leads to a temporary relationship in the first place. True love is friendship, not hormones.


----------



## morrowcosom

To Loxodrome: When you snuggle, does the girl complain about a sharp pain in her back?


----------



## Brill

morrowcosom said:


> To Loxodrome: When you snuggle, does the girl complain about a sharp pain in her back?



I've only ever snuggled with my ex.... and she didn't xD....


----------



## tacotiklah

flint757 said:


> The truth is women don't know what love actually is.



Maybe for some, or hell even most. But for all? I call bollocks.


----------



## flint757

ghstofperdition said:


> Maybe for some, or hell even most. But for all? I call bollocks.



Okay okay 

Eh I suppose most people who truly believe in the idea of love don't really understand it, especially since everyone I know who is with someone who is there friend and are intimate don't think they are in love, just happy. But on a scale it is mostly women who believe in the idea of love, but yes my point was a tad too all encompassing, but I've never met one that wasn't like that personally. Having said that I did feel a "spark" with someone once and not for hormonal reasons either so I'm also full of shit.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

@broj15, it's really hard for most people to see clearly when they're going through something like this, so we're just here to give you some perspective. My perspective advice would be, if you're harboring thoughts of even being ABLE to get her back, you're making yourself too available. Women want a man who is independent and desierable, not someone they can do with as they please when they please. But honestly, from the info you've given us, I would start moving on. I mean, really moving on. There are TONS of great women out there, and you should start finding one that's better for you. Be the chooser for a change, instead of hoping someone chooses you. If you meet someone in a week and then your ex wants to talk about getting back together, its probably BECAUSE you found someone else. Women are different like that lol. 

I sorta miss the days where I was on the prowl all the time, because they didn't last long enough. I found someone who to this day clings to me for dear life because she knows I have options, and I honestly think it's one of the keys to a long, successful relationship. Get your self together man, and start meeting some other girls. Dont cling to the first one that shows interest, matter of fact, keep em guessing. If you can do that, you probably will hear from your ex again at some point, but by then YOU'LL be the one in control of the situation. Thats really the only way to be in my opinion. Good luck bro


----------



## Kidneythief

So my love-life will never get simple ever... 

Went back to the notebook service where I got my notebook repaired. And the girl who was my "contact person" there to the technicians was super nice to me all the time. This Thursday when I went to get my gear back, we chatted a little, really friendly I must say and cute as hell.
But turned out in the middle of the conversation that she has a boyfriend with whom she is living together.

And we chatted some more, even after I payed my fees, and I don't know...I kinda like her. I even sent her an invite on facebook which she accepted and now I'm sitting here not really knowing if I should write anything, or just shut the hell up and forget it. I know I wrote and still mean, that I don't want to split apart a couple in a relationship. But what if they are in a bad one?

During the conversation somehow it came to me, that okay they are together, but somehow she wasn't talking about him as "Oh my love of my life"...but a bit differently.

Ehhh.... 

EDIT: and the best part is, that I'm 27, she is 29. Well that doesn't really matter.
And another thing: I'm 27, and don't know how to handle myself in such situations...fuuuuuuu (´&#65381;&#969;&#65381;`) 
[this "pig face" or whatever it is, is just too funny to be left out]


----------



## flint757

Keep contact it may end at some point. I wouldn't be too forward though since you know going in to it that she isn't single, but it doesn't hurt to be friends and if they break up pounce.


----------



## The Buttmonkey

The pig face is hugely appropriate for this thread, haha.


----------



## tacotiklah

The Buttmonkey said:


> The pig face is hugely appropriate for this thread, haha.



Exactly. 

Man it's been a while since I've actually had affection and shit. Love is a catch 22. In a relationship and bored, or single and lonely. (´&#65381;&#969;&#65381;`)


----------



## Brill

ghstofperdition said:


> Exactly.
> 
> Man it's been a while since I've actually had affection and shit. Love is a catch 22. In a relationship and bored, or single and lonely. (´&#65381;&#969;&#65381;`)



Relationships are boring? I've only ever had the one... I spent like $1000 on her... and it was worth it xD.... But now the bitch wants to stab me.....


----------



## The Buttmonkey

Loxodrome said:


> Relationships are boring? I've only ever had the one... I spent like $1000 on her... and it was worth it xD.... But now the bitch wants to stab me.....



Man, you should show her the receipts for tall the stuff you bought her/didfor her!



Yeah, she's 13. (´&#65381;&#969;&#65381;`)


----------



## Brill

The Buttmonkey said:


> Man, you should show her the receipts for tall the stuff you bought her/didfor her!


Bitch has blocked all contact with me..... She has basically ruined my past 2 months.... Woohoo...
I took her to a fucking metal concert.... And introduced her as the love of my life (Yeah we were super close, and deeply in love) To my now dead Grandmother....


----------



## Varcolac

Loxodrome said:


> Bitch has blocked all contact with me..... She has basically ruined my past 2 months.... Woohoo...
> I took her to a fucking metal concert.... And introduced her as the love of my life (Yeah we were super close, and deeply in love) To my now dead Grandmother....



boo hoo.

I've taken many women to concerts. I've taken many more to the cinema, to the restaurant, to the pub, and to Starbucks. That doesn't mean they owe me anything later. She was the love of your life when you introduced her to your grandmother. Now she is not. The opinion of your now-dead grandparent means absolutely nothing to your relationship. How would you feel if someone said to you "OK, you've met my folks, NOW WE WILL STAY TOGETHER FOREVER NO BACKSIES"? Man up and move on. Or, y'know, anthropomorphic animal up and move on.

Two months, in the grand span of your life, is nothing. It's less than one tenth of one percent of even the most conservative lifespan estimate. Did you learn anything about yourself in those "wasted" two months? Did you learn anything about other people? Did you do anything that was not related to this relationship? I highly doubt that every single second of those two months were being actively ruined by this "bitch". Get a hold of yourself.

Finally, stop calling women bitches. Doing so contributes to a power imbalance, whereby we can devalue women into animals. Bear in mind that in certain countries women are still worth less to society than men. Call them a dog, and you're enforcing that marginalization. She's not a bitch. She's a human being with her own motivations and talents. She may well have plenty of damn good reasons for cutting you out. That doesn't make her an animal.


----------



## Brill

Varcolac said:


> =anthropomorphic animal up and move on.


I actually am xD I was just venting about how annoying she is/was... She wants to stab me now xD which is always fun. She is a very over ractive type of person... And by ruined my last 2 months, the breaking up ruined it. We were dating for 9 months.

But thanks for the kind words of Encouragement xD


----------



## flint757

Is this OP?



Is it Denko who wants to stab you or A-ko?





P.S. If your "super serial" then I'm guessing move on. Having people in your life who want to stab you is just bad for your health. How is the breakup that took a couple minutes ruining your 2 months her fault anyhow? It is you who didn't get over her.


----------



## -42-

Kidneythief said:


> During the conversation somehow it came to me, that okay they are together, but somehow she wasn't talking about him as "Oh my love of my life"...but a bit differently.


Was she bitching about her boyfriend? Or just not referring to him endearingly? If it's the latter, then she's probably in a steady relationship with rational expectations. The girls who jump from man to man like fleas are the ones who toss terms of endearment around like salads.

I'll say what I've said before, no reason not to be her friend, unless you absolutely cannot control your dick. 

You guys need to interact with more women in general. 

Seriously.


----------



## flexkill

So as I posted a few days ago, I'm getting Divorced after a looooong marriage, and man, you should see the fireworks flying around here. Haha....whoa! I can't wait to be free of this shit!


----------



## Dan_Vacant

I'm in a relationboat a friend is mad at me for it but he likes to complain. woot!


----------



## Brill

All my female friend think I am going to rape them.....


----------



## Varcolac

...


If people are left with the impression that you would commit acts of sexual violence on them, you need to change your behaviour.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

so, i just thought id let you guys know where im at (since im sure you all care alot).
after my relationship of close to three years ended at the start of this year, i have so far had the best year of my life. i am alot closer with my friends and family, have made a few amazing new friends (a few of them girls), and i have learnt alot about myself. i say to anyone that has been dumped/broken up- take a moment to look at yourself and your actions to determine if there are qualities or character traits that you have that you would like to change. i am honestly the happiest i have ever been in my life and it shows  so just to recap- if your feeling down about a girl, or guy, or a combination/mixture of the two wub, take some time to yourself and try to learn from the experience, even if it was a bad one 
end rant.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Fuckin yes man! A breakup can be a good thing if you can pull yourself together and learn from it, glad it's working out for you


----------



## The Reverend

So you know how there's always the One That Got Away? AKA Great White Buffalo?

Well, I caught her, six years later. I mean, I didn't really do anything, she just started hitting me up on FB once she saw that I made it out of our small town and dress like a pimpin' Mr. Rogers. Regardless, we're in a relationship now. 

I fear for my life. 

This woman is crazy. My best friend, who is a Psych major, thinks she has some kind of pyschopathy or something, I forget what he said, but she is literally batshit insane. It's been about two months, and she wants to move in with me. She wants to know all my passwords like we're in high school or something, she constantly accuses me of cheating, which I've never done, nor plan on doing, and she threatens to either kill herself or otherwise harm herself on the daily. 

How do I extricate myself from this situation without either A.) Having my penis, which I love, removed or B.) Her harming herself?

Moral of the story: Don't bother getting the one who got away, it's not really fun.


----------



## flint757

holy shit you caught the buffalo alright.

Just break up with her she isn't going to harm herself, she is totally bluffing. This is a tool that crazy chicks use regularly. That being said wear a cup when you do it.


----------



## highlordmugfug

Just get the fuck out. Trying to "help" her will just hurt you both, get away asap.


----------



## Sam MJ

In the words of Iron Maiden; Run to the hills, Run for your lifes!


----------



## Thrashmanzac

glassmoon0fo said:


> Fuckin yes man! A breakup can be a good thing if you can pull yourself together and learn from it, glad it's working out for you



yeah man, took me a while to realise, but this breakup was the best thing that has happend to me


----------



## -42-

Well, you could tell her that you find her behavior obsessive and disturbing, and that if she doesn't get her act together, you're done. Or just be done with her.

I will say this, if you try to help her, even if it's just something you feel any decent human being would do, she will probably interpret that as you still wanting a relationship, which helps no-one. If you're done, you're done.


----------



## tacotiklah

The Reverend said:


> So you know how there's always the One That Got Away? AKA Great White Buffalo?
> 
> Well, I caught her, six years later. I mean, I didn't really do anything, she just started hitting me up on FB once she saw that I made it out of our small town and dress like a pimpin' Mr. Rogers. Regardless, we're in a relationship now.
> 
> I fear for my life.
> 
> This woman is crazy. My best friend, who is a Psych major, thinks she has some kind of pyschopathy or something, I forget what he said, but she is literally batshit insane. It's been about two months, and she wants to move in with me. She wants to know all my passwords like we're in high school or something, she constantly accuses me of cheating, which I've never done, nor plan on doing, and she threatens to either kill herself or otherwise harm herself on the daily.
> 
> How do I extricate myself from this situation without either A.) Having my penis, which I love, removed or B.) Her harming herself?
> 
> Moral of the story: Don't bother getting the one who got away, it's not really fun.




RUN DENKO, RUN!!!! (´&#65381;&#969;&#65381;`)

Seriously though, she is that overbearing bitch that uses threats to control and manipulate. Don't fall for it, and just boot her ass to the curb.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

The Reverend said:


> So you know how there's always the One That Got Away? AKA Great White Buffalo?
> 
> Well, I caught her, six years later. I mean, I didn't really do anything, she just started hitting me up on FB once she saw that I made it out of our small town and dress like a pimpin' Mr. Rogers. Regardless, we're in a relationship now.
> 
> I fear for my life.
> 
> This woman is crazy. My best friend, who is a Psych major, thinks she has some kind of pyschopathy or something, I forget what he said, but she is literally batshit insane. It's been about two months, and she wants to move in with me. She wants to know all my passwords like we're in high school or something, she constantly accuses me of cheating, which I've never done, nor plan on doing, and she threatens to either kill herself or otherwise harm herself on the daily.
> 
> How do I extricate myself from this situation without either A.) Having my penis, which I love, removed or B.) Her harming herself?
> 
> Moral of the story: Don't bother getting the one who got away, it's not really fun.


Like every one else said leave her I dated a chick like that, same with a friend of mine and we just left all is good.


----------



## Faine

Dude, I would leave that relationship really fast. Be careful man. haha.


----------



## Danukenator

I would do two things. First, if you honestly believe she would become violent, break up some place in public. Like a quiet corner of a restaurant, etc. Second, make sure that, provided she does have you passwords, she can't use any programs she may access to do some damage. Five minutes with unrestricted email access can ruin years of work.


----------



## Eclipse

whats a girlfriend


----------



## jacksonslut

I just got out of a 4 year relationship. We were engaged for 1 year and 6 months. I didn't want out. I fucked up BIG time. I don't realize things before it's way to late. I talked to another girl. I felt guilty about it the two days we did. Just a few "you're cute" were exchanged. I had no feelings for her. Nor did I want her. I hope to work things out and prove myself to her. For now we're taking time apart. I hope I get another chance. As cheesy as this sounds, I really can not live without her. She is the only person that even gets me and the only person who I can really talk to about things without being judged. She let me do whatever I want. We never fought. She never bitched me out. Nothing. She is pure perfection. Wish me luck. Or death. You choose haha.


----------



## broj15

So gor anyone who cares about my situation i have an update.

Apparently my ex and my best friend's brother are moving in together (nothing wierd. He's gay and they are both pretty close so i doubt theres anything wierd going on). In the meantime i think i may have had my epiphany. I've come to realize that i no longer want anything to do with her. I don't miss her and i have no desire to get back together with her. I still care about her as human being but other than that i couldn't give a shit about ehat she is doing now. It feels good to have this state of mind. For the first time in 2 years i am free to make a decision and not have to factor in the feelings of another person. It might sound odd but it kind of happened over night. I just woke up one morning and i didnt even think about her. Not even in the back of mind. I have no desire to see or talk to her. Sorry if it sounds like im rambling but i just feel like ive taken a big step and am really stoked about life right now.

Edit: forgot to mention that she moving almost an hour away from where she goes to school and where she works so as far as i know she is going down there with no job lined up and no money (her current job doesn't pay shit) which is a pretty dumb idea on her part, but thats not really my problem lol.


----------



## -42-

Going to get coffee with a girl on Sunday, then play guitar with another later on...



...they're both in functional relationships.


----------



## The Reverend

Well, a little update for you guys...

I broke up with her, penis intact. She cut her wrists pretty badly the day after, which didn't really surprise me, but it wasn't a suicide attempt, so I don't really feel too guilty. I told her that she needed the kind of help I'm not in the position to provide, and that I thought me being around was actually making her worse vis-a-vis her paranoia about my fidelity.

I'm not gonna lie, even though at first I was really worried and felt for her, the overall feeling is one of relief. Bliss, even. She was turning my world toxic, like some kind of cancerous stress. I do hope she decides to seek professional help, though. Underneath the crazy, there's definitely some good.


----------



## tacotiklah

The Reverend said:


> Well, a little update for you guys...
> 
> I broke up with her, penis intact. She cut her wrists pretty badly the day after, which didn't really surprise me, but it wasn't a suicide attempt, so I don't really feel too guilty. I told her that she needed the kind of help I'm not in the position to provide, and that I thought me being around was actually making her worse vis-a-vis her paranoia about my fidelity.
> 
> I'm not gonna lie, even though at first I was really worried and felt for her, the overall feeling is one of relief. Bliss, even. She was turning my world toxic, like some kind of cancerous stress. I do hope she decides to seek professional help, though. Underneath the crazy, there's definitely some good.



Good for you man. The cute but crazy ones are the downfall to anyone's personal health (and likely safety) and they need to resolve their issues before attempting a relationship.


----------



## flint757

Yup, people need to be able to fix themselves (and want to) without having to be pushed. If they have to be pushed they aren't ready and relapsing will be inevitable. Sometimes it work, but it is like playing the lottery.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

ok dudes, i need some help on dating etiquette. i have never really been single since this year, as i was in a relationship for close to 3 years, with a string of short relationships before that since i was about 16. now i find myself single and loving life, however, i am hanging out with a few different girls. by hanging out i mean heading to gigs, getting coffee, drinking wine and watching the footy, that sort of shit. i was just wondering if this is all above board? nothing serious is happening, and they all know that, so is it ok to just keep chilling out and having fun, or do i run the risk of being a dick?


----------



## The Reverend

Thrashmanzac said:


> ok dudes, i need some help on dating etiquette. i have never really been single since this year, as i was in a relationship for close to 3 years, with a string of short relationships before that since i was about 16. now i find myself single and loving life, however, i am hanging out with a few different girls. by hanging out i mean heading to gigs, getting coffee, drinking wine and watching the footy, that sort of shit. i was just wondering if this is all above board? nothing serious is happening, and they all know that, so is it ok to just keep chilling out and having fun, or do i run the risk of being a dick?



It's not like you're slipping all of them the heavy D while saying you're only involved with one. 

If you're not looking for a relationship, and you get the feeling that they are, or if they say something, be honest, though, or else you'll really be a dick


----------



## Thrashmanzac

yeah im always honest with people so that will be no problem, and none seem to be looking for anything more


----------



## flint757

So I take it that was your aim. No relationship.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

what do you mean?


----------



## flint757

Like you don't want them to be interested. Just friends in other words.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

yeah you are probably right i guess


----------



## tacotiklah

^No worries then. Girls love it when they can have a platonic relationship with guys. Trouble is that doesn't always work out because someone ends up having feelings for someone. 

I say just keep hanging out with them and having a good time. If you both have an understanding that it will not go any further than that, then by all means just keep doing what you've been doing.


----------



## leandroab

Last night I took the leap of faith and risked ruining a nice friendship between this girl and I with "crossing the friendzone barrier"...







We made out furiously all night till 6am. 

Too bad she lives in my hometown, VERY far away from college.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

^ good job man! gotta take risks sometimes, and sounds like it payed off!


----------



## broj15

leandroab said:


> Last night I took the leap of faith and risked ruining a nice friendship between this girl and I with "crossing the friendzone barrier"...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> We made out furiously all night till 6am.
> 
> Too bad she lives in my hometown, VERY far away from college.


 

If only we could all be so lucky. The friend zone is the bane of my love life


----------



## Dan_Vacant

broj15 said:


> If only we could all be so lucky. The friend zone is the bane of my love life


I think my bane is that I still play with toys and have 50 cats.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

hmmmm?


----------



## tacotiklah

tristanroyster said:


> whats a girlfriend



Something you spend a lot of money on in the very vague hopes that you might get laid once in a while.


----------



## CrushingAnvil

>Sister's friend from school
>also have classes at the same campus as her
>subtly declare love to her a year ago - shut down
>still love her
>she's with someone else
>lump in throat at just the thought

thatfeels.jpg


----------



## leandroab

broj15 said:


> If only we could all be so lucky. The friend zone is the bane of my love life


 
Imma tell ya. Fucking friendzone sucks ass...

If only life had save/load.... It would make things a LOT easier...


----------



## tacotiklah

^If at age 14 I knew then what I know now, oh good lord I'd have changed so many things and told people to fuck off a long time ago.


----------



## squid-boy

leandroab said:


> Last night I took the leap of faith and risked ruining a nice friendship between this girl and I with "crossing the friendzone barrier"...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> We made out furiously all night till 6am.
> 
> Too bad she lives in my hometown, VERY far away from college.



Does making out mean something else down there?


----------



## texshred777

Well it seems my wife and I are splitting up. I love the woman deeply but she doesn't feel the same anymore. The two worst parts are we went through this a year ago and I thought we'd worked everything out and upon returning from seeing TDKR she hit me with it. She wants out and I don't. Theres been no infidelity on either of our parts but I guess people change. 

Due to money constraints we'll have to cohabitate for awhile. We're searching for a 3 bedroom place so there can be at least some privacy and time apart. At least we don't hate each other and argue a lot and neither of us are vindictive and seek to hurt each other.


----------



## The Reverend

texshred777 said:


> Well it seems my wife and I are splitting up. I love the woman deeply but she doesn't feel the same anymore. The two worst parts are we went through this a year ago and I thought we'd worked everything out and upon returning from seeing TDKR she hit me with it. She wants out and I don't. Theres been no infidelity on either of our parts but I guess people change.
> 
> Due to money constraints we'll have to cohabitate for awhile. We're searching for a 3 bedroom place so there can be at least some privacy and time apart. At least we don't hate each other and argue a lot and neither of us are vindictive and seek to hurt each other.



I feel for you, man. I'm sorry.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Damn...


----------



## Konfyouzd

squid-boy said:


> Does making out mean something else down there?



I hope so unless they started at 5:45


----------



## Genome

I'm going to have to scarily echo texshred's post...

Girlfriend has broken up with me. We've had problems for a while, it got better for a bit, and then she seemed quite distant over the weekend and then hit me with it this morning.
Luckily, we don't live together or anything like that, but it has completely taken the rug from under feet. I can't quite imagine not being with her and it's absolutely killing me.
I can't really put it into any more words right now. It's weird, I kind of saw it coming, but it's still hit me very hard. I think the worst thing is knowing there is nothing you can do about it.

Fuck it!


----------



## MFB

I've managed to confirm I hung out with the first girl I really made an effort to go out with way back when, and now ...8 years later I don't care anymore. I hadn't seen her in at LEAST two years, but I never trusted myself seeing her before cause like I said, she was the first girl I made a serious effort to go after but it was satisfying just being so calm on the inside.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

I was wondering what you guys think. I posted a small bit about it a while ago.
I'm dating a chick that cuddles with friends of mine and one of my friends had a crush on her before I dated her, but she wouldn't have dated him she explained it to a friend that I'm very close to, and he likes almost every girl he meets. Then before I started to date her he was pl,aing on coming to my house witch is a hour away from his so he could hang with a chick he is "in love with." even though she has a boyfriend. From him planing to come come and hang with the chick I figured he was over the other girl whom I'm dating. I was kinda wondering should I feel like a dick or what?


----------



## texshred777

@ Dan Vacant

If he's doting on your girlfriend, then yeah there's nothing wrong with calling him out for being a douche(just don't do it around others). If he respects you as a friend he should respect that boundary. Even if he's not fucking/trying to fuck her cuddling is an intimate action. It gives him the chance to be close to her is a pseudo platonic way. It's not. He's probaby getting some kind of kick by being that close to her and touching her. However "innocent". 

Ultimately it's up to you if you find it inappropriate and if it makes you feel uncomfortable. If that's a deal breaker type thing for you, then express your feelings and live with the end result. Don't be jealous and possessive though. That kind of behavior doesn't help anything. Express your feelings in a confident matter. Tell her how you feel about it. If something makes you uncomfortable there's no reason to forge on into a possible serious relationship with someone that you're not compatible with. There's too many beautiful and wonderful women out there.


----------



## texshred777

Update on my situation.

Things are very strange at home. I actually feel ok with everything. I don't want it but both of us deserve better. She deserves to be with someone who she is crazy about, and I deserve to have that kind of love and intimacy reciprocated. The truth is I haven't really been wanted for quite some time. While a piece of me has hope that things will/can work out I'm not fooling myself. I'm lucky that at least we are civil and loving with each other. We both want each other to be happy.


----------



## King Loudness

So, I'm sure this isn't as big an issue as many of you have, but here goes. I'm 17, and my girlfriend of almost year cut it off yesterday. No real warning was given - just sorta out of the blue. I'm not surprised she did it, but it's not like I did anything wrong. In fact I feel like I bent over backwards to try and make her happy yet this is the thanks I get. It was my first relationship and her reasoning of her "not being happy when she was with me" certainly doesn't help my self esteem (I'm already shy enough - the fact that this relationship got off the ground is a shocker). It just feels worse and worse each hour. I'm not one for drink or drugs but simply playing guitar isn't helping me. Last night I had a dream that we got back together and I even gave her my prized Gibby LP Custom (she loves the look of that guitar) so she could learn to play. Then I woke up...

 

W.


----------



## Faine

^ well At least you can take that experience with you. In my case I always took what I could from that relationship in terms of knowledge and experience. Like, what did I do wrong ? what could I do differently, how could my next relationship be better? etc. And just tell yourself you're always gonna upgrade to someone better


----------



## -42-

MFB said:


> I've managed to confirm I hung out with the first girl I really made an effort to go out with way back when, and now ...8 years later I don't care anymore. I hadn't seen her in at LEAST two years, but I never trusted myself seeing her before cause like I said, she was the first girl I made a serious effort to go after but it was satisfying just being so calm on the inside.


I can relate. I met up with my first failed attempt at romance from high school (so like three years ago) for coffee last Saturday and it was super chill. No sexual tension - aside from constantly having to remind myself not to ogle her boobs - and I had an excellent time. 

Seriously though, semi-sheer top? Truly a triumph of the will.


----------



## texshred777

King Loudness said:


> So, I'm sure this isn't as big an issue as many of you have, but here goes....
> 
> 
> 
> W.


 
I know it hurts right now, and I agree with Faine that you can take it as a learning experience.

My suspicion is that even if you were the perfect guy, you would be in the same boat. The fact is, you're probably just not right for each other. I'm of the thought that if you want to break it off with someone, even if they're a fantastic person-do so. You won't really be in it and that isn't fair to either party. Staying with someone to not hurt them is demeaning. It says that you're doing it out of pity and they couldn't possibly rebound from losing you. 

I know I deserve better than someone being with me when they don't want me. I'm dealing with it right now. The only thing keeping me from being devastated is that I know there are countless other women out there who will. I look at it in the manner that if someone doesn't want me, I deserve better(as do they). I don't mean a better person, I mean a better circumstance. 

I look at things in a problem solving manner. You're in situation A. What can you do to be in situation B? You're probably about to start your last year of high school. Concentrate on the things that are potentially life changing. Get into the best school you can, open the doors you need to so you can be in the best place possible. This is the perfect time to be self centered. Use it. What things about yourself are awesome? What parts could you improve upon? Look at yourself very honestly. What things do you want to do? Learn a language? Improve your physique? Start a band? etc etc. Whatever it is, remember that you are awesome but not complete. 

If you're shy and insecure, the best thing you can do is to learn to talk to women. I'm not talking about pickup lines, I mean just starting a conversation. Make a goal of just saying hello and smiling at people. "Fake it til you make it", so to speak. Why do you see so many hot single women? Because a lot of men are too much of a pussy to just talk to them. Don't be that guy. Learn to walk up to a woman and just say hello. You'll be awkward at first but you have to start somewhere. Worst case scenerio you don't hit it off with someone or they turn you down. 

FWIW, I used to be super awkward and very introverted. I'm a geek too..

Edit: Forgot to add

Wish the best for her. If you can do endings well, you can do beginnings well. Don't be calling/texting/etc her to let her know how hurt you are. If you already have, stop it. 

Going forward, be honest with yourself and others. Be the best version of yourself you can be(for you, not others). Avoid the temptation to be something you're not. It's dishonest and can only be maintained for so long.


----------



## King Loudness

texshred777 said:


> I know it hurts right now, and I agree with Faine that you can take it as a learning experience.
> 
> My suspicion is that even if you were the perfect guy, you would be in the same boat. The fact is, you're probably just not right for each other. I'm of the thought that if you want to break it off with someone, even if they're a fantastic person-do so. You won't really be in it and that isn't fair to either party. Staying with someone to not hurt them is demeaning. It says that you're doing it out of pity and they couldn't possibly rebound from losing you.
> 
> I know I deserve better than someone being with me when they don't want me. I'm dealing with it right now. The only thing keeping me from being devastated is that I know there are countless other women out there who will. I look at it in the manner that if someone doesn't want me, I deserve better(as do they). I don't mean a better person, I mean a better circumstance.
> 
> I look at things in a problem solving manner. You're in situation A. What can you do to be in situation B? You're probably about to start your last year of high school. Concentrate on the things that are potentially life changing. Get into the best school you can, open the doors you need to so you can be in the best place possible. This is the perfect time to be self centered. Use it. What things about yourself are awesome? What parts could you improve upon? Look at yourself very honestly. What things do you want to do? Learn a language? Improve your physique? Start a band? etc etc. Whatever it is, remember that you are awesome but not complete.
> 
> If you're shy and insecure, the best thing you can do is to learn to talk to women. I'm not talking about pickup lines, I mean just starting a conversation. Make a goal of just saying hello and smiling at people. "Fake it til you make it", so to speak. Why do you see so many hot single women? Because a lot of men are too much of a pussy to just talk to them. Don't be that guy. Learn to walk up to a woman and just say hello. You'll be awkward at first but you have to start somewhere. Worst case scenerio you don't hit it off with someone or they turn you down.
> 
> FWIW, I used to be super awkward and very introverted. I'm a geek too..
> 
> Edit: Forgot to add
> 
> Wish the best for her. If you can do endings well, you can do beginnings well. Don't be calling/texting/etc her to let her know how hurt you are. If you already have, stop it.
> 
> Going forward, be honest with yourself and others. Be the best version of yourself you can be(for you, not others). Avoid the temptation to be something you're not. It's dishonest and can only be maintained for so long.



Hey man, thanks for the kind words. Your advice is all very sound and I agree with most of it even if I can't bring myself to implement it right now. You're correct about it being my last year of high school next year and I haven't spoken to her except to mention that we need to get together to discuss things further (she did the breakup via text ). I'm at peace with whatever she decides but I'd also like to salvage things if I can. Her reasoning doesn't make a lot of sense to me without some background/more info. 

Cheers.

W.


----------



## flint757

You don't have to do something wrong for someone to not want to be in a relationship anymore and there isn't always a reason (or a good one either).


----------



## texshred777

flint757 said:


> You don't have to do something wrong for someone to not want to be in a relationship anymore and there isn't always a reason (or a good one either).


 
So true. You may convince someone to stay, but in the end if you do they don't really want to be there. That's nothing but a recipe for bitterness and resentment and a really ugly end. Not to mention, do you really want someone who doesn't reciprocate. You're better than that.

I say let it lie. Move on and look forward to an awesome future.


----------



## Genome

So my ex is regretting breaking up with me, and thinks she made a mistake. 

Now, I want to know I'm doing a sensible thing here. Even though I'm devastated about the break up still and would absolutely love to be in a healthy relationship with her, I said no. We had problems before and jumping back in wouldn't be right to me as things are still fresh.

So, I said I needed a period of no contact and for both of us to re-ground ourselves and if our paths cross in the future and we are both in the right place, and headspace, then we would think about it, and make sure it was for the right reasons.


----------



## flint757

That was absolutely the right and best thing to do.


----------



## texshred777

genome said:


> So my ex is regretting breaking up with me, and thinks she made a mistake.
> 
> Now, I want to know I'm doing a sensible thing here. Even though I'm devastated about the break up still and would absolutely love to be in a healthy relationship with her, I said no. We had problems before and jumping back in wouldn't be right to me as things are still fresh.
> 
> So, I said I needed a period of no contact and for both of us to re-ground ourselves and if our paths cross in the future and we are both in the right place, and headspace, then we would think about it, and make sure it was for the right reasons.



I agree you did the right thing. That was a very wise and I imagine difficult thing to do.


----------



## Genome

Thanks, guys.


----------



## leandroab

squid-boy said:


> Does making out mean something else down there?


 
Unfortunately, no it doesn't


----------



## JosephAOI

I just had sex. Fuck you guys.


----------



## Brill

JosephAOI said:


> I just had sex. Fuck you guys.


lucky you... how much did it cost you?


----------



## JosephAOI

Loxodrome said:


> lucky you... how much did it cost you?


$4.00


----------



## The Reverend

JosephAOI said:


> $4.00



BRB, moving to Kentucky right quick. 

Congrats, though.


----------



## JosephAOI

Thanks dude haha

Been a while since me and my lady have gone at it. She said she just hadn't been feeling it recently which is weird but I think I've knocked some sense into her


----------



## Dan_Vacant

My girlfriend broke up with me cause she said she liked another dude, but she still likes me. She asked me what she should do. I told her go with who ever she likes more and only worry about her feelings. Today she started texting me and said she wouldn't date the other guy cause it would feel odd, probably becasue the other guy is a friend of mine.


----------



## King Loudness

Update to my situation: My girlfriend gets ahold of me on Thursday to talk things out. She was pretty despondent and she said she just needed some time to think if things could work out or not. Friday rolls around and we got together at her request again where she admitted maybe that the break up was an error in judgement. There's no drama in our relationship, so perhaps it was just one of those things... either way we're giving it another shot and so far things seem to be going well.

W.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

Dan_Vacant said:


> My girlfriend broke up with me cause she said she liked another dude, but she still likes me. She asked me what she should do. I told her go with who ever she likes more and only worry about her feelings. Today she started texting me and said she wouldn't date the other guy cause it would feel odd, probably becasue the other guy is a friend of mine.



i dunno if that is something to be happy about man, if i was you i would cut her loose, and quick. she sounds like bad news to me


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^Seriously, all these girls taking "breaks" is bullshit. Everyone knows what a break is, and no girl will stick with a guy for long if he doesn't mind being her second choice once in a while. In the past I've gone both ways with it (seems like every girl tries this "break" thing at least once), and when I went with it, she ended up chasing some asshole on the cook line where I worked. The other two times, I broke it off right there and let them beg to get back together for a while, and now I can't get rid of one of them (my fiance haha).

Look, women are either committed or their not, simple as that. If they want a "break", they're comfortable with you but probably want or need something else that you arent providing (attention, new dick, etc.), so it's not in your best interest to torture yourself over it. Let her go, and she'll either get some strange and try to come back, or she'll realize that she doesn't want to risk leaving a good man and stay to work it out with you. Good luck either way.


----------



## Brill

Hey yeah... So people still think I am going to rape them.... I don't know how to stop making horribly terrible rape jokes.... Its ruining my chances with women..... Anyone have advice to stop making terrible jokes?


----------



## Thrashmanzac

just stop? rape isn't really a funny subject to begin with, so maybe try not joking about it?


----------



## Brill

Thrashmanzac said:


> just stop? rape isn't really a funny subject to begin with, so maybe try not joking about it?




XD yeah... I've tried that, my head still makes them...I think its one of my other personalitys.....


----------



## Murmel

Just don't make rape jokes. I have the shittiest humour ever, but at least give it SOME thought before you say them.

Like really, if the person doesn't know me and I pull a joke, they usually just look at me like I'm weird. But the people who know me obviously don't care.


----------



## Sam MJ

Loxodrome said:


> Hey yeah... So people still think I am going to rape them.... I don't know how to stop making horribly terrible rape jokes.... Its ruining my chances with women..... Anyone have advice to stop making terrible jokes?


Keep it to yourself

If you can't then Gaffer tape usually works......and before you start getting ideas you use it on yourself not them.


----------



## Murmel

Most people have to change their personalities in some way or another. I made a TOTAL revamp of myself when I started high school, because nobody knew the old me there so I figured I might as well get rid of the asshole. I'm doing much better now, but there's still a lot to learn.


----------



## leandroab

Loxodrome said:


> XD yeah... I've tried that, my head still makes them...I think its one of my other personalitys.....



Seek professional help. Now.


----------



## The Reverend

My best friend and roommate actually has a complex from being called creepy and a pedo-rapist and shit both IRL and online. I've eliminated that vocab in our congenial shit-talking bouts, but he still gets really insecure when people call him that, and I don't know why.

I mean, he looks normal to me. Weird, but normal. Maybe because I've been friends with him for so long? Who knows? It's definitely hindered him with girls before, though.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Thrashmanzac said:


> i dunno if that is something to be happy about man, if i was you i would cut her loose, and quick. she sounds like bad news to me


I'm happy about her not dating my friend and she asked me back out yesterday but since she was all confused with who she likes I decided not to date her and becasue I felt like just a friend. She has still been texting me so I guess she isn't to hurt.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

The Reverend said:


> My best friend and roommate actually has a complex from being called creepy and a pedo-rapist and shit both IRL and online. I've eliminated that vocab in our congenial shit-talking bouts, but he still gets really insecure when people call him that, and I don't know why.
> 
> I mean, he looks normal to me. Weird, but normal. Maybe because I've been friends with him for so long? Who knows? It's definitely hindered him with girls before, though.


I got called creepy a few times and it bugged me so I asked a few people that called me creep, "what makes me a creep?" They would say "I don't know you just are." so I figured they are a just a cunt and it may have been at the time I had blue hair and wore nail polish.


----------



## UnderTheSign

JosephAOI said:


> Thanks dude haha
> 
> Been a while since me and my lady have gone at it. She said she just hadn't been feeling it recently which is weird but I think I've knocked some sense into her


Into her or outta her?


----------



## Varcolac

Loxodrome said:


> Hey yeah... So people still think I am going to rape them.... I don't know how to stop making horribly terrible rape jokes.... Its ruining my chances with women..... Anyone have advice to stop making terrible jokes?



I don't know, just... stop? I assume you're a grown adult. Once you're of the age where you can make rational decisions and take responsibility for your own life, you should be able to judge when and where a joke is appropriate. 

In the case of rape jokes, I'm going to go with "never, and nowhere." But then hey, I'm some kind of rabid feminist who thinks that a culture that glorifies the abuse of women should be stopped, so what do I know. 

Your avatar text says you're a furry. How would you feel if people kept making furry jokes around you? "Those furfags, you can't trust 'em." "I like Loxodrome but I wouldn't let 'em near my pets." "Creepy fucker, wanting to put his dick in an animal..." "What kind of human would find an animal attractive? That's evolution telling you you're a dead end." 

Feel persecuted? Feel threatened? Feel angry that someone could use your sexual preference and gender identity against you in a hateful way? That's how women feel when you make rape jokes, only ten thousand times worse. I'm joking about you sticking your cock in a rabbit. _You_, on the other hand, are joking about sticking _your_ cock in _someone else's_ orifice, _against their will._. That's threatening. That's frightening. That's not a joking matter.

Rape is not funny. It's a violation of someone's bodily integrity and fundamental right to choose their sexual partners. If you can't get that into your head, perhaps you deserve to be alone.



Loxodrome said:


> XD yeah... I've tried that, my head still makes them...I think its one of my other personalitys.....



Okay, I'm going to stop you right here. For the love of whatever you hold dear, do not punctuate your attempts to stop making threatening misogynist comments with the "smiling so much I can't keep my eyes open" face (XD). It. Is. Not. A. Laughing. Matter. 

Most rape victims are raped by someone they know. Most victims of rape are _severely_ traumatised. Rape and sexual assault are among _the_ most severe causes of post-traumatic stress disorder in women. If you are making rape jokes, you are a cunt's hair away from threatening rape, threatening a lifetime of therapy and threatening to forever scar their psyche. Still funny? XD? Didn't think so.

This is not a laughing matter. Grow up, or you will (quite deservedly) be alone for a very long time.

If you _actually_ have dissociative identity disorder, *consult a doctor*. Mental health is another one of those things that is not a laughing matter.


----------



## Genome

Power post.


----------



## Varcolac

Genome said:


> Power post.



I'm power metal.


----------



## Ojinomoto

Yeah...Going on 5 years, 2 months celibate here. You wanna talk about NO DRAMA AND BULLSHIT!?  I've never been so at peace and focused in my life! ...good idea Jesus.


----------



## Brill

Varcolac said:


> I don't know, just... stop? I assume you're a grown adult. Once you're of the age where you can make rational decisions and take responsibility for your own life, you should be able to judge when and where a joke is appropriate.
> 
> In the case of rape jokes, I'm going to go with "never, and nowhere." But then hey, I'm some kind of rabid feminist who thinks that a culture that glorifies the abuse of women should be stopped, so what do I know.
> 
> Your avatar text says you're a furry. How would you feel if people kept making furry jokes around you? "Those furfags, you can't trust 'em." "I like Loxodrome but I wouldn't let 'em near my pets." "Creepy fucker, wanting to put his dick in an animal..." "What kind of human would find an animal attractive? That's evolution telling you you're a dead end."
> 
> Feel persecuted? Feel threatened? Feel angry that someone could use your sexual preference and gender identity against you in a hateful way? That's how women feel when you make rape jokes, only ten thousand times worse. I'm joking about you sticking your cock in a rabbit. _You_, on the other hand, are joking about sticking _your_ cock in _someone else's_ orifice, _against their will._. That's threatening. That's frightening. That's not a joking matter.
> 
> Rape is not funny. It's a violation of someone's bodily integrity and fundamental right to choose their sexual partners. If you can't get that into your head, perhaps you deserve to be alone.
> 
> 
> 
> Okay, I'm going to stop you right here. For the love of whatever you hold dear, do not punctuate your attempts to stop making threatening misogynist comments with the "smiling so much I can't keep my eyes open" face (XD). It. Is. Not. A. Laughing. Matter.
> 
> Most rape victims are raped by someone they know. Most victims of rape are _severely_ traumatised. Rape and sexual assault are among _the_ most severe causes of post-traumatic stress disorder in women. If you are making rape jokes, you are a cunt's hair away from threatening rape, threatening a lifetime of therapy and threatening to forever scar their psyche. Still funny? XD? Didn't think so.
> 
> This is not a laughing matter. Grow up, or you will (quite deservedly) be alone for a very long time.
> 
> If you _actually_ have dissociative identity disorder, *consult a doctor*. Mental health is another one of those things that is not a laughing matter.


thanks for the advice, it's should hopefully help me become normaler. I am currently seeing a doctor about my DID, apparently there arn't meds for it though, it's really ruining my life ... I am also only 17... and I have a lot of labels put on me by doctors....


----------



## OzoneJunkie

So... I wanted to follow up my original post (quoted below), with this:

After changing my number, she contacted me via FB, with very apologetic messages, admitting her abusive nature. Very not like her to admit fault, and let me tell you, she has been at fault big time.

So, I decide wth, I'll *try* to be her friend. I told her that I will not stand for any more abuse, and won't hesitate to cut her off forever. Now, something to note: we haven't spoken or seen each other in 2.5 years - all of our contact has been thru text. She won't pick up the phone because hearing my voice does weird things to her. Anyway...

Her life is a mess yet again (gee... it always is), and I was emotionally supportive for 2 weeks. Yes, we all know what's coming...  It's like - she just can't help herself. Caught her in a lie, and boom, abuse and nonsense all over again. I said "2 days ago you were telling me how much our friendship meant to you, and now, yet again, you're playing the 'kill the friendship' card when you hear something you don't like" - her response " yeah, b!tches are like that...".

So, as I've learned, abusive in a relationship, abusive in friendship.

Honestly, it feels exactly right - it's closure for me.

And lastly, I'll say this - eventually - all of you suffering through heartache or other BS when a someone has done you wrong - eventually I hope you all come out of it thankful - thankful that the person cut you loose. Really. Find someone that cherishes you... 

Sorry I wasn't strong enough to "never look back". I did. But in the end, I have total peace of mind and closure, knowing that it wasn't me. I'm really happy, and at peace with all of it.

Cheers gang! 



OzoneJunkie said:


> I've read a lot of this thread over time, and almost posted my own woes of a very bad, toxic relationship that I was in, on and off for a few years.
> 
> All the times I wanted to post here about said relationship, it was to air all of the nonsense that she put me through, to list how she treated me, what she did, etc.
> 
> Now that it's truly over (I walked away, changed my number, never looking back), I can say that all of that was me being a p#ssy, that I allowed all of it, by staying involved with someone that I knew wasn't right for me since almost day one. I'm not saying she's not right for anyone, just for me, and that's all that matters.
> 
> In a way I have sympathy for people on this thread who go through the ups and downs, but let's face it, most of this thread is about the downs.
> 
> I've vowed to myself never to be that weak again. I'm happy that I went through all of it, have no regrets, and left with my dignity, responded in kind, even during her last attacks. Not the friendly closure I wanted, but closure, and that's what I needed.
> 
> Stand up for yourselves. Love is supposed to be amazing, wonderful, and strong. So, be amazing, wonderful, and strong.


----------



## morrowcosom

About the rape joke thing: Since you are getting negative reactions when you say your rape jokes, take that as an indicator not to say them. These kinds of jokes can get restraining orders put on you, which will make it REALLY hard to get along with people. 

When saying other things:
If you say or do something and get that sinking "I fucked up" feeling in your stomach as opposed to an honest "What is wrong with these people? These people have no sense of humor/act like assholes" feeling, it is a good honest indicator that you should not repeat what you just did.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

So my girlfriend seems to completely act like i don't exist when there's any of her friends or family members. I really don't know why, we've been dating for two years, but she's always been like this. It's making me consider breaking up with her, but when we're alone, she's the most caring and loving person i know. 
It's so fucking frustrating.


----------



## flo

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> So my girlfriend seems to completely act like i don't exist when there's any of her friends or family members. I really don't know why, we've been dating for two years, but she's always been like this. It's making me consider breaking up with her, but when we're alone, she's the most caring and loving person i know.
> It's so fucking frustrating.



Did you talk? I guess it's not on purpose, maybe she's just not aware of it.
I think this is something many people have to deal with, we're used to getting tons of attention from our partners when we are alone, and then when there are people around we're suddenly not the only person in the world anymore. But if you feel ignored in presence of her family/friends, definitely talk to her.


----------



## texshred777

@AngstRiddenDreams

Maybe she's just uncomfortable with expressing those kinds of feelings in public. Some people have hang ups about those kinds of things. 

If you talk to her, don't do it in an accusatory manner. Just mention that it seems she's uncomfortable with expressing affection around others. You may or may not get the kind of end goal you're seeking, however. Some people are just less touchy or (dare I say) clingy as others. I don't mean that rudely, I could accuse myself when I was younger. 

At the end of the day if it really bothers you, you have a right to be honest. With that said, this is the kind of thing that has the potential to be a continuing issue if it's that big of a deal to you.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

I've talked to her about it before and she just gets mad. She won't let me stay in her house tonight because her sister is over, so i have to sleep in my car.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> I've talked to her about it before and she just gets mad. She won't let me stay in her house tonight because her sister is over, so i have to sleep in my car.



couldnt you stay in your house?


----------



## texshred777

Ok, well that changes a few things.

If she automatically jumps to getting defensive(assuming the communication was done in a non finger pointing manner)-that would tell me something's amiss. 

Having to leave your own residence sends up another red flag for me. You did say her house, but if that's your primary domicile as well, I'd have an issue with that.


----------



## Faine

^ have you ever talked to her about it? Maybe she feels like, Since shes with you all the time its ok for her to give more attention to her family members/friends and in the back of her mind she knows you're understanding?


----------



## Brill

Loxodrome said:


> Hey yeah... So people still think I am going to rape them.... I don't know how to stop making horribly terrible rape jokes.... Its ruining my chances with women..... Anyone have advice to stop making terrible jokes?



Its not just rape jokes.., I tend to be called a pedophile and asshole for my sense of humor.. and for a lot of the things I do... I make very sexual passes at everyone for no reason.. I really don't know why though,I know all the things ido are horrible... but I still do them...


----------



## Fiction

Sexual frustration..? See a therapist, or a prostitute.


----------



## morrowcosom

If you have sexual frustration, go see a prostitute, not a therapist. Prostitutes are cheaper and I do not think a therapist is going to drain your balls.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Fiction said:


> Sexual frustration..? See a therapist, or a prostitute.


or become very good friends with your left and right hand (alternate so one arm isn't noticeable bigger)


----------



## flint757

Damn my left arm


----------



## morrowcosom

Since I have been getting off of a prescription medicine, my hormone levels feel like they have picked up. All of a sudden my picking hand is faster. Coincidence? 


P.S. I have a banner ad at the top for Russian mail-order brides.


----------



## Atomshipped

Am I an indecent person for leaving my girlfriend of ~8 months because I stopped enjoying the relationship?

It just got to the point when it was constantly making me annoyed/sad and simply wasn't enjoyable. I'm in high school, too. I don't really want a relationship that long/serious or to be tied up for the rest of my life. It was great for a while, but that didn't last, and I couldn't see myself with her for any longer let alone the rest of my life (lol).


----------



## flint757

Nope. It happens, not much else to say.


----------



## Faine

^ agreed. Trial and error. Gotta figure out what you really want. Besides, you wont really know a persons true personality and who they really are until you live with them.


----------



## tacotiklah

Faine said:


> ^ agreed. Trial and error. Gotta figure out what you really want. Besides, you wont really know a persons true personality and who they really are until you live with them.



QFT! 

Pretty soon you'll find that even the most awesome people have some pretty annoying habits and things about them. For some it's more than they can take.


----------



## tm20

i don't know if this is the appropriate place to ask this but the title does say "relationship" so i'll ask. i've been in a band for just over a month and i've come to realize that i'm the odd one out. i don't seem to fit in like the others do. the bass player is the one i've known the longest (known him before joining the band) but i wouldn't consider him a close friend since i only see him during band practice and sometimes at uni. i don't even know how long i'll be in this band but for the time being i do want to feel like i'm part of the band so that the time i spend with them are alot more enjoyable. i'm not the most talkative person but i have been trying to be more social for the past few years. what can i do to fit in better? probably a stupid fucken question but i didn't know where to ask, nor did i feel it was necessary to start a thread just for this


----------



## leandroab

I know long distance relationships kinda suck ass, but this girl and I always had a thing for each other. This month, when I usually go back to my hometown for vacation, we hooked up and started dating pretty seriously. Now it's time to go back to college (8h away by bus / 1h away by plane) and we discussed the possibility of this.

We would be seeing each other twice a month maybe.

This is the third time I find the "perfect" girl and some shit like this happens. I'm starting to get really frustrated. REALLY frustrated. Frustrated beyond belief.

Do you guys think it's worth it? I mean, we already have the "no" if we don't try, so why not. Right?

God dammit


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Faine said:


> ^ have you ever talked to her about it? Maybe she feels like, Since shes with you all the time its ok for her to give more attention to her family members/friends and in the back of her mind she knows you're understanding?


 I live an hour and a half away, we only see each other three times a week.


----------



## Winspear

Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 3 years now. For almost 2 of them, we've seen each other probably every 4 weeks on average. We are the most perfect couple I know 
It's all about realising what really matters - how good you are and if you love eachother - NOT how much time you spend together. Me being a very independent person I don't rely on seeing her at all. I could go months on end. She's not quite the same and it took a while for her to stop getting upset and see things how I do - and just miss me instead. Nothing wrong with missing someone.


----------



## Mendez

EtherealEntity said:


> Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 3 years now. For almost 2 of them, we've seen each other probably every 4 weeks on average. We are the most perfect couple I know
> It's all about realising what really matters - how good you are and if you love eachother - NOT how much time you spend together. Me being a very independent person I don't rely on seeing her at all. I could go months on end. She's not quite the same and it took a while for her to stop getting upset and see things how I do - and just miss me instead. Nothing wrong with missing someone.



I only see my gf once every 2-3 weeks cause shes busy with school (she has pulled all nighters (summer school)), and i don't mind not seeing her often. I just dislike the lack of communication (maybe an occasional phone call or a response to my text like 6hrs later). I trust her, yet i always feel kinda annoyed/angry/sad cause of said lack of communication. I dunno, maybe im just too insecure  or needy 

So I commend you for making it work


----------



## Murmel

God I'm so fucking sick of this fuckimg love triangle I have to endure all the time.


Fuck.


----------



## Winspear

Mendez said:


> I only see my gf once every 2-3 weeks cause shes busy with school (she has pulled all nighters (summer school)), and i don't mind not seeing her often. I just dislike the lack of communication (maybe an occasional phone call or a response to my text like 6hrs later). I trust her, yet i always feel kinda annoyed/angry/sad cause of said lack of communication. I dunno, maybe im just too insecure  or needy
> 
> So I commend you for making it work



Talk about it with her. You sound just like my girlfriend was. Not a bad thing - I'd call you/my girlfriend a normal person haha. 
On my end it was a case of me being happy without much communication and being busy so it never really came into my mind to contact much. It did indeed upset her even though she knew there was nothing wrong and trusted me - so I now make a bit more effort. 
If you can find her reasons for lack of communication then maybe you will feel better. With me, I'm just not glued to my phone like a lot of people. I don't feel the need to pick it up as soon as it goes off. If I'm in a lecture, or recording session, it will wait to the end, and so on. 
Things did take a bit of a downer for a short while, when she became increasingly upset to the point that I would call needy. This pushed me away - if I feel like I _have _to be texting her then I actually don't _want _to. Things are a lot more balanced now. She doesn't care at all if I don't text her for a while, and that in turns makes me a lot more inclined to do so at random rather than just a delayed reply! We are both so relaxed and happy now. Haven't argued in 8 months, whereas all the couples we know are fussing over all the little things. We've found that stage where we are content that we have and love eachother, and are happy to get on with our own lives apart from eachother and play it how it goes.


----------



## Necris

Loxodrome said:


> Its not just rape jokes.., I tend to be called a pedophile and asshole for my sense of humor.. and for a lot of the things I do... I make very sexual passes at everyone for no reason.. I really don't know why though,I know all the things ido are horrible... but I still do them...


Therapist, see one. To fix shit like this you need to know why you do it so you can begin to fix whatever is causing that first.

It sounds like you've convinced yourself you have a sense of humor and no-one can talk you out of it, if your idea of humor is rape then I can see why you're becoming (or already are) an outcast. I'd imagine your "jokes" are seen as thinly veiled threats by those around you based on how you act.

Have you ever considered making a real effort to step back and actually think about what you're going to say/do before you say/do it? The extra few seconds you put into evaluating your actions are the difference between looking like a potential rapist/pedophile/general bastard and merely looking awkward. "Normal" or "well-adjusted" should be a goal, but settle for awkward over potential rapist if you must.


----------



## Brill

Necris said:


> Therapist, see one. To fix shit like this you need to know why you do it so you can begin to fix whatever is causing that first.
> 
> It sounds like you've convinced yourself you have a sense of humor and no-one can talk you out of it, if your idea of humor is rape then I can see why you're becoming (or already are) an outcast. I'd imagine your "jokes" are seen as thinly veiled threats by those around you based on how you act.
> 
> Have you ever considered making a real effort to step back and actually think about what you're going to say/do before you say/do it? The extra few seconds you put into evaluating your actions are the difference between looking like a potential rapist/pedophile/general bastard and merely looking awkward. "Normal" or "well-adjusted" should be a goal, but settle for awkward over potential rapist if you must.


Yeah, I am seeing a therpist , or planning too.... I have also concidered stopping and thinking about it... but I have like super ADHD and do things on impulse without thinking at all....


----------



## leandroab

EtherealEntity said:


> Talk about it with her. You sound just like my girlfriend was. Not a bad thing - I'd call you/my girlfriend a normal person haha.
> On my end it was a case of me being happy without much communication and being busy so it never really came into my mind to contact much. It did indeed upset her even though she knew there was nothing wrong and trusted me - so I now make a bit more effort.
> If you can find her reasons for lack of communication then maybe you will feel better. With me, I'm just not glued to my phone like a lot of people. I don't feel the need to pick it up as soon as it goes off. If I'm in a lecture, or recording session, it will wait to the end, and so on.
> Things did take a bit of a downer for a short while, when she became increasingly upset to the point that I would call needy. This pushed me away - if I feel like I _have _to be texting her then I actually don't _want _to. Things are a lot more balanced now. She doesn't care at all if I don't text her for a while, and that in turns makes me a lot more inclined to do so at random rather than just a delayed reply! We are both so relaxed and happy now. Haven't argued in 8 months, whereas all the couples we know are fussing over all the little things. We've found that stage where we are content that we have and love eachother, and are happy to get on with our own lives apart from eachother and play it how it goes.



Well, this gives me a lot of hope! When I left, we both agreed on "seeing what happens". We maintain contact daily (mostly through the web, because it's free haha) and I'm planning on returning for a weekend in 2-3 weeks and maintaining this as a constant throughout the year, so I see my family and friends more often also.


----------



## Mendez

EtherealEntity said:


> Talk about it with her. You sound just like my girlfriend was. Not a bad thing - I'd call you/my girlfriend a normal person haha.
> On my end it was a case of me being happy without much communication and being busy so it never really came into my mind to contact much. It did indeed upset her even though she knew there was nothing wrong and trusted me - so I now make a bit more effort.
> If you can find her reasons for lack of communication then maybe you will feel better. With me, I'm just not glued to my phone like a lot of people. I don't feel the need to pick it up as soon as it goes off. If I'm in a lecture, or recording session, it will wait to the end, and so on.
> Things did take a bit of a downer for a short while, when she became increasingly upset to the point that I would call needy. This pushed me away - if I feel like I _have _to be texting her then I actually don't _want _to. Things are a lot more balanced now. She doesn't care at all if I don't text her for a while, and that in turns makes me a lot more inclined to do so at random rather than just a delayed reply! We are both so relaxed and happy now. Haven't argued in 8 months, whereas all the couples we know are fussing over all the little things. We've found that stage where we are content that we have and love eachother, and are happy to get on with our own lives apart from eachother and play it how it goes.



Ah well there's the solution, I gotta get busy. Since lately i work less than 30 hours a week I don't get busy enough to be distracted. Once school starts + work i should be busy enough not to worry too much about my gf. As for what she does, she's basically busy with her class at the moment. I've talked to her about it, it's just a matter of being patient and waiting for her to finish sometime this week  Basically, I have too much time on my hands until college starts


----------



## Dan_Vacant

A ex that broke up with me wants me to date her again, yet I told her no but I would still enjoy having her as a friend. Recently people have been bugging me to date her again because she misses me and etc one of them is a good friend of mine. He tried guilting me to date her and didn't let up after I told him now. So is this something that is common among people her age (18) or just something with lots of moody women?


----------



## Yaris

So that girl I was talking about skyping with weeks back, I finally asked her out. We're going on a date on Monday


----------



## butterschnapps

Why is it that you often fall in love with someone who will saay they love you, but mean it as a friend. :/


----------



## avenger

Welcome to the Friend Zone aka ShitZone.


----------



## brynotherhino

Avenger speaks truth. Its not a terribly fun place to be mang.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

brynotherhino said:


> Avenger speaks truth. Its not a terribly fun place to be mang.


Give it time and the point to poke them will arise.


----------



## Ralyks

avenger said:


> Welcome to the Friend Zone aka ShitZone.


----------



## Murmel

Just came back from hanging out with my best friend, aka the girl I'm fucking ridiculously in love with.

It has been nice not having to see her with her bf 5 days a week now that it's spring brake. Unfortunately that will all change in 1½ weeks when school starts again.

It's kinda worth it though, she's too awesome to pass up. Even if it means sitting in the friendzone.


----------



## OzoneJunkie

...... AND...........

So I changed my number for the second time in 1 month. She came back texting a week later, like nothing ever happened. Cannot be this woman's friend. And as much as I did care for her at one point, I am genuinely so very very happy having her out of my life. That dark cloud is gone. 


EDIT: seriously... I'm so freaking happy right now 





OzoneJunkie said:


> So... I wanted to follow up my original post (quoted below), with this:
> 
> After changing my number, she contacted me via FB, with very apologetic messages, admitting her abusive nature. Very not like her to admit fault, and let me tell you, she has been at fault big time.
> 
> So, I decide wth, I'll *try* to be her friend. I told her that I will not stand for any more abuse, and won't hesitate to cut her off forever. Now, something to note: we haven't spoken or seen each other in 2.5 years - all of our contact has been thru text. She won't pick up the phone because hearing my voice does weird things to her. Anyway...
> 
> Her life is a mess yet again (gee... it always is), and I was emotionally supportive for 2 weeks. Yes, we all know what's coming...  It's like - she just can't help herself. Caught her in a lie, and boom, abuse and nonsense all over again. I said "2 days ago you were telling me how much our friendship meant to you, and now, yet again, you're playing the 'kill the friendship' card when you hear something you don't like" - her response " yeah, b!tches are like that...".
> 
> So, as I've learned, abusive in a relationship, abusive in friendship.
> 
> Honestly, it feels exactly right - it's closure for me.
> 
> And lastly, I'll say this - eventually - all of you suffering through heartache or other BS when a someone has done you wrong - eventually I hope you all come out of it thankful - thankful that the person cut you loose. Really. Find someone that cherishes you...
> 
> Sorry I wasn't strong enough to "never look back". I did. But in the end, I have total peace of mind and closure, knowing that it wasn't me. I'm really happy, and at peace with all of it.
> 
> Cheers gang!


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Random all-after-the-fact update:

Going to try to meet up the the korean nurse again on Saturday of next week. I'm not setting my hopes too high since things have fallen through before, but if nothing else, having a korean chick friend means potential access to more korean chicks. That's an opportunity I'm not keen on missing.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

update on my happenings:
been seeing one of my mates housemates and we have an awesome thing going on at the moment, bassically fuck buddies, and it rocks. so between that and the rad friendships i have with a few other girls, i,m very content. also, my ex wants to try and be friends again, but im not sure about that, as even though we have both moved on, she is the extremely jealous type, so dunno what to do about that. any suggestions?


----------



## morrowcosom

Your ex would be a giant pain in the ass. If she sees you around other girls, especially if she knows you are banging one of them, she is just going to want to get back together with you (jealous type), while at the same time harassing you about the other girls, and also being an ass to you. Things would likely make the other girls uncomfortable, potentially ruining your currently good situation.


----------



## Faine

^ couldnt have said it better.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

morrowcosom said:


> Your ex would be a giant pain in the ass. If she sees you around other girls, especially if she knows you are banging one of them, she is just going to want to get back together with you (jealous type), while at the same time harassing you about the other girls, and also being an ass to you. Things would likely make the other girls uncomfortable, potentially ruining your currently good situation.



shit man those are some wise words, and pretty much what i was thinking. cheers for that, i will let her know im not interested in being friends at the moment, as nicely as i can.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

I know it isn't always the case, but trying to stay friends with an ex can often cause some pretty torturous emotional and psyhological messes. Approach with caution, and only with an extremely healthy buffer of time spent apart and acclimating to being with other people first. I've tried on multiple occasions to stay friends with exes, and it has worked a grand total of _one_ time, and even that was only after a couple years of inner turmoil on my part.


----------



## broj15

So it's been a little over a month since me and my ex split up and i'm feeling pretty good. Having good times with friends, things are going good at work, possibly getting a place of my own soon enough (depends on if i can find a job closer to the city. we shall see). Basically this past month has been infinately better than the past year and it looks like things could be getting better (knock on wood). The thing is there's something missing and I'm pretty sure I know what it is: A female companion, but here is my problem: I have absolutely no idea how to attract women. The last time i was even in the dating game was over 2 and a half years ago and even then I wasn't very good at it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not this dick head with a repulsive personality (quite the opposite actually. the few girls that have taken the chance to get to know me find me funny, witty, and atleast a little charming) and I'm not a bad looking dude either (I give myself a 7.5/10, mainly just because I'm a chubby guy, but i have pretty good style or "swag" as i guess some would call it, and several girls and atleast a few gay guys have told me i'm physically attractive) but I just can't seem to get a girl interested in me enough to want to get to know me better. I don't have the confidence or the "game" to just approach a random girl I find attractive and start a conversation and unfortunately I'm not physically attractive enough for girls to want to approach me.

So basically I'm asking for a little advice on how to attract girls enough for them to want to sit down and get to know me a little better.


----------



## flint757

Go out with friends, people tend to act "cooler" when they aren't trying. Seems, at least for me, that going out with friends allows that. This will help you give off confident vibes which to women is typically an attractive feature. 

Other than that workout maybe? 

it is important to note that even if a woman is interested they aren't necessarily going to approach you, some people still believe it is the man's job. (I don't, but who am I )


----------



## Fiction

Keep an eye out for them watching you, because as flint said, they usually wont come to you, but they'll hint.

Don't break eye contact, and continue what you're doing though, unless they're ugly, always break eye contact.


----------



## leandroab

Fiction said:


> unless they're ugly, always break eye contact.




I had to do this yesterday in a pub. God it was difficult.. hhahaha


----------



## broj15

flint757 said:


> Go out with friends, people tend to act "cooler" when they aren't trying. Seems, at least for me, that going out with friends allows that. This will help you give off confident vibes which to women is typically an attractive feature.
> 
> Other than that workout maybe?
> 
> it is important to note that even if a woman is interested they aren't necessarily going to approach you, some people still believe it is the man's job. (I don't, but who am I )



Definetely advice worth taking. Next weekend me and my friends are planning a night on the town to celebrate my birthday so that should be a nice opportunity to try and score a couple numbers.

As for the weight problem it's being remedied slowly but surly. Haven't started exercising yet since my schedule hasn't allowed it but i've been eating healthier/eating less and a few of my friends have told me i look like i've lost weight.


----------



## Deviliumrei

Last night I was out with my friends. I approached maybe 4 sets of girls and danced in a club first time of my life with some lesbians. Great night


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Well guys, it finally happened. I met an amazing girl named Lydia (cue the Nevermore references). We just click on every level. She came over and we made sweet sweet love all weekend. Goddamnit I'm so happy.


----------



## Brill

Okay there is this new female at my school, she is very nice and smart. She has no idea about my habits... Which is good. I rather do like her, but I have no idea how to successfully woo a woman... Tip?


----------



## Danukenator

I'm no ladies man but if your regular habits are going to deter her, it won't work out.


----------



## Brill

Danukenator said:


> I'm no ladies man but if your regular habits are going to deter her, it won't work out.


I'm creepy as fuck, so I am trying to turn over a new leaf.


----------



## flint757

Loxodrome said:


> I'm creepy as fuck, so I am trying to turn over a new leaf.



Question though, are you creepy just in general or is it one of those things that once people get past the initial barrier things are alright?

If the latter then you could pull it off, but if the former then down the road you may have some problems. As far as advice sorry mate, pick up lines aren't my thing.


----------



## Gothic Headhunter

The fitness one from a few pages back might be worth a try.

EDIT: can't seem to find it, but it went like
"So, you like fitness?"
"Yeah, I like fitness."
"Well, how about fitness dick in your mouth?"


----------



## Fiction

Try "Hey, I'm x, how are you enjoying this school so far?"

Replace x with your name


----------



## squid-boy

My only words of advice: Treat women like they're human beings.


----------



## highlordmugfug

squid-boy said:


> My only words of advice: Treat women like they're human beings.


I'll add that if you have to ask for advice from the internet on how to just talk to someone, then you're fucked from the get go.

Learn to socialize for fucks sake.


----------



## UnderTheSign

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Well guys, it finally happened. I met an amazing girl named Lydia (cue the Nevermore references). We just click on every level. She came over and we made sweet sweet love all weekend. Goddamnit I'm so happy.


Jesus Christ Joe, I didn't think I'd ever live to see the day you got a girl. Good job man.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

I always expect people to give horribly sarcastic advice for talking to women on here.


----------



## Ocean_Ashes

Not a girl-related question, but has anyone ever experienced that hanging out with one of your best friends who you've known for quite a time has gone stale? And did it stay that way afterward?

It kinda sucks, and I think in my case it's a partially weed related problem, since we (my group in the city I live in now) all started smoking a year ago and kinda go overboad on weekends and holidays. It all kinda detoriated after that. We decided to just drop it, so hopefully it will be better soon.


----------



## Murmel

Yes, I kinda can't hang out with one of my best friends alone anymore because it's like we don't have anything to talk about. Or at least he doesn't seem to think anything I have to say is interesting anymore.
We still hang out together with our mutual friends though. I guess sometimes you just grow apart.


----------



## Ocean_Ashes

Murmel said:


> Yes, I kinda can't hang out with one of my best friends alone anymore because it's like we don't have anything to talk about. Or at least he doesn't seem to think anything I have to say is interesting anymore.
> We still hang out together with our mutual friends though. I guess sometimes you just grow apart.



That sucks man  And I totally get that part about nothing you say being interesting 

I can still hang out with the dude, but not a whole lot will be said. We'll still have fun, but yeah. On the other hand I always think the worst in any social situation


----------



## Murmel

I might've made it sound worse than it actually is 

Of course we can still hang out, but it's not nearly as good as it is with my other friends.
We had so much fun when we where like 8-15 years old, but after that we separated a bit. Music is like the only common interest we have these days.


----------



## Varcolac

Loxodrome said:


> Okay there is this new female at my school, she is very nice and smart. She has no idea about my habits... Which is good. I rather do like her, but I have no idea how to successfully woo a woman... Tip?



First, stop calling her a "female." What is she, a bug on a slide? Again with the dehumanising influence! Woman. Girl. Lady. Learn these words. Use them. 

How to successfully woo a woman? If you're asking this question you're doing it wrong. Women, much like men, are all different (whaddayaknow, we're all humans!), so I can't say what'll work for everyone. Try acting like a human being. Talk. Listen. Be interesting. Be interested. Laugh a little. Loosen up. 

Out of curiosity, what the hell are your habits if they're actively pushing people away? Hell, I habitually go four days without shaving, I scratch myself in public and pick my nose, and I still have a long-term live-in partner. What're you doing? Necrophilia?


----------



## MFB

Varcolac said:


> Out of curiosity, what the hell are your habits if they're actively pushing people away? Hell, I habitually go four days without shaving, I scratch myself in public and pick my nose, and I still have a long-term live-in partner. What're you doing? Necrophilia?



Wait, is THAT what I've been doing wrong? Oh man, it's was so obvious!

Thanks for the heads up guys, I'm gonna go bury these bodies and turn this life around


----------



## Murmel

@Varcolac

Cut him some slack dude, there's no need to be a total cunt.


----------



## Varcolac

Murmel said:


> @Varcolac
> 
> Cut him some slack dude, there's no need to be a total cunt.



I wasn't being a total cunt. If I were, I'd've laid into the vitriol a little more, not given any advice, and been on my merry way. My advice (Talk. Listen. Be interested. Be interesting.) still stands though; it's much the same as highlordmugfug, Fiction and squid-boy said.



Fiction said:


> Try "Hey, I'm x, how are you enjoying this school so far?"
> 
> Replace x with your name





squid-boy said:


> My only words of advice: Treat women like they're human beings.





highlordmugfug said:


> Learn to socialize for fucks sake.



But honestly his habits can't be that bad. Unless it's necropaedophilia. That's kinda beyond the pale. It's all in the presentation. You can present almost any habit or hobby as a positive, unless it's actually reprehensible.


----------



## Murmel

The way you're putting it makes you sound like a douche, just saying. But if that's how you usually talk, then go ahead.

You're not the only one being rude, there are more people that should just chill out a bit. There are ways to give advice without being a dick y'know.

I mean




highlordmugfug said:


> I'll add that if you have to ask for advice from the internet on how to just talk to someone, then you're fucked from the get go.
> 
> Learn to socialize for fucks sake.





Varcolac said:


> Out of curiosity, what the hell are your habits if they're actively pushing people away? Hell, I habitually go four days without shaving, I scratch myself in public and pick my nose, and I still have a long-term live-in partner. What're you doing? Necrophilia?



Not exactly helping his self-esteem.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

Dan_Vacant said:


> I always expect people to give horribly sarcastic advice for talking to women on here.



fun fact: girls Love it when you mention their weight, saying "cunt" alot seems to help as well


----------



## MFB

Don't forget to ask their age as the first question as well!


----------



## avenger

Thrashmanzac said:


> fun fact: girls Love it when you mention their weight, saying "cunt" alot seems to help as well


Degradation can actually do wonders on some women... it's quite odd.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

avenger said:


> Degradation can actually do wonders on some women... it's quite odd.



i was talking shit i have never met a girl that appresiates being degraded, nor would i want to


----------



## synrgy

A couple years ago (holy shit, time flies!) I posted in this thread about falling in love. Semi-related, I haven't posted any NGD threads in quite some time..





I bought a ring. Old fashioned type that I am, I also have her Dad's blessing/approval/enthusiasm.  Wish me luck!


----------



## dvon21

highlordmugfug said:


> I'll add that if you have to ask for advice from the internet on how to just talk to someone, then you're fucked from the get go.
> 
> Learn to socialize for fucks sake.



Completely illegitimate. 

Just asking forums about social queues and body language advice could make someone feel more comfortable. Knowledge comforts anxiety and comfort eases social tension. So people can become more social by asking the internet. (which is already social in some regard.)


----------



## highlordmugfug

dvon21 said:


> Completely illegitimate.
> 
> Just asking forums about social queues and body language advice could make someone feel more comfortable. Knowledge comforts anxiety and comfort eases social tension. So people can become more social by asking the internet. (which is already social in some regard.)


He posts all the time talking about how he makes everyone he talks to uncomfortable, how he constantly makes rape jokes even though he knows he makes people uncomfortable with them and how he is still currently doing that, and now he's asking about "females" and "wooing them", I've no obligation or desire to help someone who acts the way that he does.

Varcolac's last post summed up everything. Until he stops doing shit that he KNOWS for a fact makes people uncomfortable around him and treats women like human beings, I've got no advice that would help him anyway.

http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/3145229-post4542.html

EDIT:


Murmel said:


> The way you're putting it makes you sound like a douche, just saying. But if that's how you usually talk, then go ahead.
> 
> You're not the only one being rude, there are more people that should just chill out a bit. There are ways to give advice without being a dick y'know.


Like I said above, I'm not one to be a dick to someone for no reason, but I'm also not one to sit idly by while people act shitty or waste my time trying to legitimately help people who've shown time and time again they won't help themselves.


----------



## broj15

Ocean_Ashes said:


> Not a girl-related question, but has anyone ever experienced that hanging out with one of your best friends who you've known for quite a time has gone stale? And did it stay that way afterward?
> 
> It kinda sucks, and I think in my case it's a partially weed related problem, since we (my group in the city I live in now) all started smoking a year ago and kinda go overboad on weekends and holidays. It all kinda detoriated after that. We decided to just drop it, so hopefully it will be better soon.


 
Iknowthatfeelbro.jpg

I've had this happen to me on a few different occasions. I just recently started hanging out with one of my oldest friends (not in age, but in the time that we've known each other. 10 years, btw) and it just doesn't feel the same. We still get along fine and try and hang out somewhat regularly, but he's still into doing all the same dumb shit we used to do in jr. high (hours upon hours of call of duty, prank calling people, ding dong ditching, etc.) where as I am more than content to just chill, listen to music, get stoned and enjoy the company of my fellow human beings. I guess you could say that I kind of grew up where as he didn't. The fact that he also has a bad habit of bitching and moaning enough to ruin everyone else's good time if things don't go the way he planned doesn't really help either.

We sort of talked about it the other night and we both agreed that no matter how different the two of us become we've been friends for way to long and have been through so much together that we'll still always consider eachother to be best friends. Sometimes people change man. You just have to accept it for what it is and make the best of it.


----------



## dvon21

highlordmugfug said:


> He posts all the time talking about how he makes everyone he talks to uncomfortable, how he constantly makes rape jokes even though he knows he makes people uncomfortable with them and how he is still currently doing that, and now he's asking about "females" and "wooing them", I've no obligation or desire to help someone who acts the way that he does.
> 
> Varcolac's last post summed up everything. Until he stops doing shit that he KNOWS for a fact makes people uncomfortable around him and treats women like human beings, I've got no advice that would help him anyway.


 
I agree with you about helping someone who, they themselves, are not ready to do what is necessary. That's completely understandable. But I still disagree on the stance that asking people on the internet on how to be more socially apt means you are interminably a social reject. 

Though it still seems, from what you have said, that he does feed off the archetypical "creep" stereotype for attention. People who force something that they aren't upon themselves always end up miserable. Either with themselves and usually socially. Although, some people like forcing themselves to be different because of whatever reason (need of attention, self-esteem, lack of direction) and those people normally end up finding eachother and becoming friends.


----------



## texshred777

I'll second what's already been said, and what I've suggested to others before. 

Learn to talk to people. If you're super awkward and have some kind of mental handicap that makes this difficult then seek help for it. Mental health is nothing to take lightly. At worst you'll significantly increase your quality of life.

For being awkward there's no shortcut to this one. It takes work. You have to learn social cues and interpersonal skills that may not come naturally to you. They can be learned, though.

First of all, yes, rape jokes are always going to be a no-no. If your mind automatically goes to rapeland then that's another problem, see point number 1.

Secondly, flirting and communicating is as much an art as a science. There's no clear cut rules or say x, say y. I laugh at pick up lines, but if you want one that's always done me well, take notes.

"Hello, I'm X". Or use the traditional Brit introduction and talk about the weather. 

See, not clever or witty. They're nothing more than a way to break the ice. If you're funny or have cheek about you then yes they may have a use, but something tells me your charisma may need some work before getting there. 

If you can't even bring yourself to say hello, then start small. Start by just smiling at people. Put on a demeanor of being approachable. Often, people who are really introverted and shy can come off as creepy to others.


----------



## highlordmugfug

dvon21 said:


> I agree with you about helping someone who, they themselves, are not ready to do what is necessary. That's completely understandable. *But I still disagree on the stance that asking people on the internet on how to be more socially apt means you are interminably a social reject. *


I've both given, and asked for advice in this thread.  

If someone wants advice, I'm always game to try and help. If they want advice with "wooing" someone that they've made it seem like they've never even really talked to (especially when it's someone who they seem to have chosen based on the fact that this person didn't happen to be around when they were acting unsettling to everyone), my approach is more "take that mess outta here."


----------



## Brill

@highlord
What the fuck is you beef with me? Every time you respond to my posts, you just flame me for some shit. I'm really over you.


----------



## tacotiklah

^Actually, he gives great advice if you take the time to listen to and apply what he says. He's helped me out over time, so it's worth it to stop squabbling and listen to what he says. If he has beef, it's probably because he knows what he is talking about and you're being what the internet refers to as an "Askhole". You know, people that ask for advice and then never take it...


----------



## highlordmugfug

Loxodrome said:


> @highlord
> What the fuck is you beef with me? Every time you respond to my posts, you just flame me for some shit. I'm really over you.


As far as I remember, I've only really said stuff to you like three times, and the reason I've been so abrupt in this thread is because of the way you handle yourself on here. If you read the last few posts I made in here, you'll know exactly why I'm not your bestest buddy.

Also, if you're referencing that post where I said you were the only furry on here, I wasn't flaming, it was true and I thought it was funny that you responded as if we were being really rude to a bunch of furries when A. we weren't and B. you're the only one that was there.

You want real advice?
-Get thicker skin.
-Don't complain about people thinking you're creepy and then continue to do the things people have said creeped them out.
-Don't continue being creepy by talking about wooing some girl that you seem to not even really know.
-Treat women like human beings.
-Stop telling rape jokes all the time.
-If you want to talk to someone and get to know them, talk to them and get to know them. texshred777 gave some good advice, read his post.

EDIT: Thank you, Jess.


----------



## Necris

Loxodrome said:


> Okay there is this new female at my school, she is very nice and smart. She has no idea about my habits... Which is good. I rather do like her, but I have no idea how to successfully woo a woman... Tip?


If I were in your position at this point I would settle for just making a friend.

Before even worrying about how to woo her you have to actually introduce yourself, preferably in a non-threatening way, tell her your name, start a conversation; you know normal human interaction. *For the love of your social life do not rely on your sense of humor at any point within that conversation.* 
If at any point she seems uncomfortable while talking to you you're probably coming on too strong or just being generally off putting, so back the fuck off.

If your high school is like the average high school she will become aware of your reputation for being a creep whether you want her to or not.


----------



## tacotiklah

highlordmugfug said:


> You want real advice?
> *-Get thicker skin.* (this is the absolute best advice out of all of this. I learned to do this and I don't have nearly as many problems as I did before)
> 
> *-Don't complain about people thinking you're creepy and then continue to do the things people have said creeped them out.*
> (This is also excellent advice. I have very dark humor myself, but the key is to develop a sense of knowing there's a time and a place for everything
> 
> *-Don't continue being creepy by talking about wooing some girl that you seem to not even really know.
> *
> (Wooing a girl that you barely know sounds a LOT like that Denko stalker thread. Meeting random women for dates isn't the common thing. Most of the time, you have to know them personally first; be it via an acquaintence or friend. It can take quite a while to get a girl to like you as more than a friend. Expecting the gf/bf thing right away creates pressure and tension. Girls see right through this, get freaked out by it, and head for the hills. Be relaxed and chill and girls will dig you.  )
> 
> *-Treat women like human beings.*
> (Rape jokes tell women that you see them as nothing more than a sex object. This objectifies them and makes them think you see them as less of a person. Doing this will ensure that you're stuck masturbating for the rest of your life)
> 
> 
> *-Stop telling rape jokes all the time.*
> (see above point. Also constant rape jokes give women the impression that this is EXACTLY what you have in mind for them whenever you get a chance to be alone with them. Put yourself in our shoes; if a guy kept saying over and over again that he wants to kidnap and fuck you against your will, you'd be pretty certain there's a specific reason for that and that reason has a lot to do with it being the fact this is what they wanna do with you)
> 
> -If you want to talk to someone and get to know them, talk to them and get to know them. texshred777 gave some good advice, read his post.
> 
> EDIT: Thank you, Jess.



All great points and my explanations of them are in parenthesis. Please take this advice. Everyone in this thread is trying to get you to follow these points, so it's not just highlord. 
If you don't take this advice, then there is no point in even asking for advice in this thread.


----------



## King Loudness

I posted in this thread before, and I guess I finally have a resolution. After having my ex break up with me and then having us try to get back together for a couple weeks, we broke it off about a week ago. At least this time it was more of a mutual feeling, and I was able to let go of that impending sense of doom (or the sense that the relationship wouldn't work out.) The only problem is that I'm finding that I miss having a relationship, a lot. I know it'll pass, but it's definitely got me in a place where I'm not particularly content. 

W.


----------



## flint757

C'est la vie mon ami.


----------



## broj15

King Loudness said:


> I posted in this thread before, and I guess I finally have a resolution. After having my ex break up with me and then having us try to get back together for a couple weeks, we broke it off about a week ago. At least this time it was more of a mutual feeling, and I was able to let go of that impending sense of doom (or the sense that the relationship wouldn't work out.) The only problem is that I'm finding that I miss having a relationship, a lot. I know it'll pass, but it's definitely got me in a place where I'm not particularly content.
> 
> W.



My best advice would be to start spending time with your friends. They will help take your mind off being single better than anything.


----------



## King Loudness

broj15 said:


> My best advice would be to start spending time with your friends. They will help take your mind off being single better than anything.


Thanks man. I've been trying - it's just tough is all. I have the age old problem of being awkward around girls and especially when I'm getting to know them... yay for typical teenage b/s. 

W.


----------



## texshred777

King Loudness said:


> Thanks man. I've been trying - it's just tough is all. I have the age old problem of being awkward around girls and especially when I'm getting to know them... yay for typical teenage b/s.
> 
> W.


 
You'll be fine, dude. 

Most teenage guys don't have a ton of confidence with women because they don't really have a place in the world yet. 

If you're awkward, just work on being able to make eye contact, smile and say hello to people(men and women). Learn to give and receive compliments. 

Just remember, confidence means comfort-not necessarily cocky. 

I'm glad you're doing better with things now.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Shit, if youre a teenager, I say don't worry about girls at all. Get YOURSELF right, like texshred mentioned, find your place in the world. Girls are attracted to status and stability anyway, if you get your life together proper, the girls will find you. Being single is a short-term condition when you're looking at the big picture  Good luck man!


----------



## texshred777

glassmoon0fo said:


> Shit, if youre a teenager, I say don't worry about girls at all. Get YOURSELF right, like texshred mentioned, find your place in the world. Girls are attracted to status and stability anyway, if you get your life together proper, the girls will find you. Being single is a short-term condition when you're looking at the big picture  Good luck man!


 
QFT.

I agree completely. Women are drawn to status, security and confidence more than anything. As I'd said before, take this last year of school to focus on getting yourself in the best situation possible for life. Make connections, work on yourself(that journey is never complete) and have fun. Women will come in droves over your lifetime. Don't be in a hurry to rush into another relationship, again I think it'd just be a distraction from what should be the priority.


----------



## Yaris

Well if anyone cares, I took her out Monday evening. First I just want to mention that this is the second date I have ever gone on. Anyway I picked her up and she looked rather stunning, I got pretty nervous at that point but I held it together. We saw Total Recall and then went to Cold Stone for ice cream. During the movie I did "the arm" and when I did she seemed like she was waiting for it all along, no apprehensiveness or anything, but it was pretty awkward because of the combination of my long arms and Herculean structure and her tiny frame. We made it work though. When we went to get ice cream we talked for probably an hour and walked around some more. I took her back home and we hugged. I don't care about not getting a kiss, it'll happen when it happens if it happens. She texted me the next day so I guess we're gonna just keep talking for now and I'll see if I want to ask her out again I guess? 


 <--- My emotions


----------



## highlordmugfug

Yaris said:


> Well if anyone cares, I took her out Monday evening. First I just want to mention that this is the second date I have ever gone on. Anyway I picked her up and she looked rather stunning, I got pretty nervous at that point but I held it together. We saw Total Recall and then went to Cold Stone for ice cream. During the movie I did "the arm" and when I did she seemed like she was waiting for it all along, no apprehensiveness or anything, but it was pretty awkward because of the combination of my long arms and Herculean structure and her tiny frame. We made it work though. When we went to get ice cream we talked for probably an hour and walked around some more. I took her back home and we hugged. I don't care about not getting a kiss, it'll happen when it happens if it happens. She texted me the next day so I guess we're gonna just keep talking for now and I'll see if I want to ask her out again I guess?
> 
> 
> <--- My emotions


Best way to handle it, on all counts. Good man. 

(btw, if anyone wants a good buddy to talk to, I've been drinking and my last two days have been fantastic, so hit me up  )


----------



## peagull

Why do I have no faith in my instincts, say for example, I notice a girl give a little bit too much eye contact, or laugh at something that half second too late & just a bit too much coz it wasn't that funny. My first instinct is that she may like me or has at least some interest.

Pretty much every single time after that first realization, I second guess myself. I convince myself that i'm wrong. My sub conscience hates me I swear!

Needed to rant!


----------



## Dan_Vacant

My ex and I are texting (she texts me most the time I'm awake) and she tells she dreams about me, Then she makes me stuff and what not. I kind of feel like I'm taking advantage of her, but she is a nice person. I'm not certain if I just feel bad cause she is being selfless or if I'm a dick.


----------



## King Loudness

glassmoon0fo said:


> Shit, if youre a teenager, I say don't worry about girls at all. Get YOURSELF right, like texshred mentioned, find your place in the world. Girls are attracted to status and stability anyway, if you get your life together proper, the girls will find you. Being single is a short-term condition when you're looking at the big picture  Good luck man!


Thanks dude... I do what I can. Been trying to increase that status over the last little while, picking up the appearance a bit and going to get my license soon enough too.



Yaris said:


> Well if anyone cares, I took her out Monday evening. First I just want to mention that this is the second date I have ever gone on. Anyway I picked her up and she looked rather stunning, I got pretty nervous at that point but I held it together. We saw Total Recall and then went to Cold Stone for ice cream. During the movie I did "the arm" and when I did she seemed like she was waiting for it all along, no apprehensiveness or anything, but it was pretty awkward because of the combination of my long arms and Herculean structure and her tiny frame. We made it work though. When we went to get ice cream we talked for probably an hour and walked around some more. I took her back home and we hugged. I don't care about not getting a kiss, it'll happen when it happens if it happens. She texted me the next day so I guess we're gonna just keep talking for now and I'll see if I want to ask her out again I guess?
> 
> 
> <--- My emotions


Yeah... when I first hung out with my ex, we hung out and by the end I think she was waiting for me to kiss her, but I never did... probably should've! Oh well, haha. Best of luck in your situation duder! You can do this...

W.


----------



## texshred777

peagull said:


> Why do I have no faith in my instincts, say for example, I notice a girl give a little bit too much eye contact, or laugh at something that half second too late & just a bit too much coz it wasn't that funny. My first instinct is that she may like me or has at least some interest.
> 
> Pretty much every single time after that first realization, I second guess myself. I convince myself that i'm wrong. My sub conscience hates me I swear!
> 
> Needed to rant!


 
Eye contact, smiling/laughing are definite signs of interest. I say to just keep engaging someone in conversation. The best way to do that and not have it run stale is to listen. Show interest in what they're talking about. Show you're listening by asking questions about the things they tell you. 

Other signs of interest are things like actually facing you when speaking instead of just turning the head. Touching their hair/face. Touching you is another. 

I understand where you're coming from though. I used to have girls flirt with me all the time and it wasn't until later that I realized it or someone made a comment about why I didn't ask them out/flirt back. 

With all that said, the best way to find out is to just ask. I know it seems tough and the thought of rejection sucks, but if you pay attention to a girls body language, tone of voice, etc when speaking with them you'll get indicators of whether there's a chance and reduce your likelihood of rejection.


----------



## ASoC

Ok, so for those of you that don't know (probly most of you) I spent my entire summer touring with a drum & bugle corps. There were 123 members plus staff and such. The point is that in the last week of tour, I met this girl who was very pretty and very nice. We started talking and everything was going great. We're both interested in each other, but theres a small problem. She currently has a relationship thats not working out but she doesnt know how to end it. 

Before anyone tells me that I'm wasting my time (or something of the like) I'd like you all to know that I like this girl more and more everyday. So what do I do? Do I wait it out until she becomes available? I need some advice


----------



## Bekanor

ASoC said:


> Ok, so for those of you that don't know (probly most of you) I spent my entire summer touring with a drum & bugle corps. There were 123 members plus staff and such. The point is that in the last week of tour, I met this girl who was very pretty and very nice. We started talking and everything was going great. We're both interested in each other, but theres a small problem. She currently has a relationship thats not working out but she doesnt know how to end it.
> 
> Before anyone tells me that I'm wasting my time (or something of the like) I'd like you all to know that I like this girl more and more everyday. So what do I do? Do I wait it out until she becomes available? I need some advice



That's what I'm doing bro. It's not a great idea (I've done it before with bad results) but as long as you don't get too invested and, in the event of it not working out, don't let it ruin your outlook on women then I say see what happens. But if someone else comes along that you click with, run, do not walk to that.

Having said that I've been around a bit for the last 6 months and I'm sick of meeting psychos so I'm happy to wait around and see what happens, if only to take a break from the stress of dealing with head case women. I hope it works out for me because I don't know how many more dates I can go on where I have to mask the disappointment of being myspace angled.


----------



## texshred777

Did you march with Santa Clara or the Blue Devils? it's not relevant to the question but I'm a drum corps nut and had to ask.

I say no, don't wait around. I'm not saying to blow her off, I'm saying to go on with your life and if she gets her shit figured out then great. Some things to consider though..

She's already in a relationship, yet has crossed over some boundaries that I as a lover would find inappropriate. I'm not bad mouthing the girl..I'm just pointing out the fact that certain things are about character. Who's to say its not you next time? 

Then there's the fact that waiting around for a girl pretty much devalues you as a man. It puts you in the position that your interest can/will boost her ego, but puts you in the passenger seat so to speak. It can make you come off as needy. I'm not saying you are, I'm not flaming you..I'm just giving some perspective. Waiting says you aren't or can't do better. 

Personally I'd just say that while you find her a compelling individual and enjoy her company-you deserve better than waiting around for a possible future relationship. She also deserves better than to be caught between two different people. Being in a relationship should make someone feel blessed..not obligation to stay out of pity or indecision.


----------



## Bekanor

Just to clarify, I'm not saying he should wait around excluding all other possibilities. Definitely keep looking, but just be subtle and if you both find yourself single and still feeling the same way go for it. 

That's my plan anyway, the fact that I'm taking a breather from actively looking for girls is coincidental. Well, not coincidental, just trying to put some distance between myself and the headcases I've met over the last 6 months so they don't come out of the woodwork should I actually meet someone I like.

This is a pretty small town, so the chances of that happening are quite high. I need some time to be forgotten.


----------



## ASoC

texshred777 said:


> Did you march with Santa Clara or the Blue Devils? it's not relevant to the question but I'm a drum corps nut and had to ask.
> 
> She's already in a relationship, yet has crossed over some boundaries that I as a lover would find inappropriate. I'm not bad mouthing the girl..I'm just pointing out the fact that certain things are about character. Who's to say its not you next time?
> .


 
According to her, its something that she wasn't happy with regardless. She just has a hard time with breakups (understandable, I always feel uncomfortable with break ups)

Oh and in answer to your question I marched Santa Clara Vanguard Cadets. And I'm extremely proud to have marched the show we did


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## glassmoon0fo

Son! My fraternity brother Corey Moore was DM for the Troopers, they made a movie bout em called "Hell Bent for Victory". Wish I'd marched corps when I had the chance and the age requirements, I was a badass in college. I suck now 

and to stay on topic, check out the afformentioned movie to see how putting your relationship business out there on a national level can ruin a perfect relationship. Feels bad, man.

EDIT: also, get it, texshred does


----------



## Goatfork

I'm usually not one to turn to the internet for shit like this, but I feel like I need input from a bunch of kinda-strangers. It's a semi-long story, but it might be an interesting read.

Ok, so this starts out like a lot of other stories about being hurt out there: I fell in love. I was with the most amazing person ever, my everything. We were talking about moving away from Alaska to go to school and start our lives together. We had decided on Minneapolis. A long ways from home.

Due to circumstance, she had to head out there about 6 weeks before me. The plan was she was going to move in with her aunt for a couple months, get a job, get some money for our apartment, all that jazz. I already had a really well-paying seasonal job here, and it was ending soon. I figured I'd finish the season, get enough money, and drive to Minnesota where I could rejoin the love of my life and be happily ever after and blah blah blah.

During 6 miserable weeks of long distance, I finished my job, said goodbye to my friends and family, sold my truck, cut some ties, basally I did a lot to make this happen. No turning back now.

The time had finally come and I packed up my bags and flew to Washington, where I would pick up a car and begin my drive. The night before I drove out, I got a call from my girlfriend. She dumped me. She fucking dumped me. She said she needed time to figure herself out. Why now? Why after all I went through for this? For her?

I made the drive anyway. I needed to see her. I needed to look her in the eyes and see it for myself. I loved her more than anything, I still do. After 2 days of silent hell, I saw her again. We talked, went out for dinner, all of that. As friends. It was searing, white-hot pain and agony to be so close but so far. I told her that, too. It didn't help. That was two days ago.

Yesterday we spent most of together. We held hands, kissed, it was almost like being back. She told me it wasn't right, that she needed time. I pushed the issue, saying we could make it work and needed to talk. She had none of it. She drove away without looking at me. I sent her a text the next morning saying 'good morning'. She didn't reply. I tried again and she told me to stop texting her, that she needed time. I haven't talked to her, my best friend, all day.

Now I'm here in a room that I'm renting in a city where I know nobody. My best friend, lover, companion....she needs time without me. For how long? What the fuck am I supposed to do? I've never felt to blindsided, betrayed, alone, and broken. I don't know what to do with my life. I don't want to get over it, over her. I want to be with her. I love her so much. More than anything.

Sorry for bitching and moaning online, but.....what the fuck?


----------



## Divinehippie

i'm really sorry to hear that man=(. it sucks when you do everything for a person and they walk out on it or sometimes (in my case) go and fuck there way out of with some othe guy. it sounds like you gave up a lot for her (well yourself as well) and worked hard to make it all happen. the fact that she called you only 2 days before you drove out (did you already make the flight and find out in washington? or were you still in Alaska?) really sucks, like why after 6 weeks did she poick that time to tell you
? i just dont get people sometimes. anyways man i'm, sure there's nothing i could type that would make you feel any better but just know that at least i'm thinking of you (even though i guess i'm a complete stranger) and that if you need to talk or what not shoot me a PM. we're never as alone as we think. stay strong man, hopefully she'll come to her sense soon.


----------



## The Uncreator

My wife suffered the same thing at one point, she had an issue that stemmed from a medical concern though but she went through the uncertainty and feeling she needed time apart.

Give them space, when they are ready to talk, remind them that you are prepared to start a life and work for a future with them. If they are still unsure, then its an ominous sign. But honestly, relationships can take harder hits. Unlike most Id like to say that there is always a little hope in the beginning, but be prepared either way because you need to be ready to take the blow. 

I cant say how much time should be given, but you'll know when you've given them enough. If they are ready to work with you, fantastic, if the uncertainty remains....Well, dont spend your life in darkness my friend.


----------



## broj15

Man I just went through a break up about a month ago, and while it doesn't sound like my situation is as bad as yours i still feel for you. It's just unfathomable that she could do that to you only to leave you high and dry. I'm afraid I can't offer much advice, but as Divine Hippie stated above we're here for you. Even if it is just to let some feelings out to a complete stranger on the internet feel free to send me a pm. Also there is a huge 'SSO love & relationships' thread that is full of people ready to lend some advice and a listening ear 

http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/off-topic/122010-ss-love-relationships-thread.html


----------



## Mexi

This is a decision that was probably not very easy for her either, particularly if you two had planned a future together (women do not do this lightly). what concerns me is that if things were so serious, why did she wait so long and abruptly end the relationship instead of talking to you about whatever problems she was having up until the breakup?

another thing, she could be feeling that things may have moved too quickly (I don't really have a time frame here), and is somewhat regretting it or super anxious over the uncertainties of everything. this is generally how I've come to interpret _"... I need time to figure things out/find myself/etc..etc.._

give her space, cause there is little else you can do. what you can do, however, is learn to be happy with yourself and not have the personal enjoyment of your life to be defined by your relationship, I can assure you, this will cause many problems down the road for you. take some time to reflect on what is really important to you, what your priorities are, what your hopes are for the next while, and try to think of these things *without* feeling that a girlfriend/significant other must be a part of that picture. until you are completely at ease and happy with yourself, how can you expect to be so with someone else in the long term?

I'm not saying you need to get "over her" but the fact that she wants time alone, and not responding to texts, means that she needs the space to really think about the scope of everything, you should do likewise. she'll talk to you when she's up for it. A few days of reflection does wonders for clarity on a really unfortunate situation.

hope for the best for you two


----------



## texshred777

Wow man, that's some shit. I'm going through a divorce and still can't begin to think that I understand what you're going through right now. 

You need to take the time to feel what you feel. Don't try to keep everything bottled up in an attempt to numb yourself-that won't help. You can't begin to move on and feel better until you work through the pain. 

I know that the pain is so much more than just a break up, and again I can't begin to fathom what you must be going through right now. For what you're going through I am so sorry. If you ever need a chat or someone to vent to please PM me.


----------



## BrainArt




----------



## Goatfork

Divinehippie said:


> the fact that she called you only 2 days before you drove out (did you already make the flight and find out in washington? or were you still in Alaska?) really sucks, like why after 6 weeks did she poick that time to tell you


To clear this up, I had already flown to Washington and begun the journey.

To all of you, thanks so much for your thoughts and kind words. You've actually helped a bit and I'm surprised, haha. As much as everything hurts, I'm going to give her space, but I'm not going to be her little puppy dog to be broken again. Relationships don't survive on a power system. It's about teamwork, trust, and commitment, not cards and reading to deeply into words. I want to be with her more than anything, but I understand that everything has a price and sometimes the price is a little too steep. Whatever I do, whatever ends up happening, I'm going to try to look at everything maturely with a Rational Gaze.


----------



## broj15

So i have some pretty crazy shit going on right now that i am still in the process of processing so i haven't quote gotten a real chance to sort my emotions out yet. Some of you may have seen me post in the past about a certain girl that i only knew very briefly but still felt a connection to. She seriously was perfect in every way. Do to some domestic issues going on in her home she was forced to move back in with her mother. Well you may also remember how i have been plagued by many nights laying awake wondering what could've been. Well a few days ago i decide to send her a message saying i don't get on facebook much but here is my number and if she wanted to talk to me any time that i would really like that so tonight i get a txt from an unfamiliar number saying "hey this is *insert name here* ". So i send a txt back doing the usually "hey whats up" pleasantries and what not. Well when i ask her whats up she says nothing and thats all she ever does. So i tell her that she could talk to me if she wanted which would be better than nothing. Well then she just starts talking about how much she loved talking to me and how i was the only person from my town that she liked and how even after all this time she wanted to talk yo me but never did because she was afraid i didnt wanna talk to her after all the rumors that went around school about her after she was forced to move. I told her that was never true and that i missed talking to her and how much ive been wanting to talk to her but didn't because i was afraid she didnt want to talk to me. Ill update uou guys ad the situation develops. 
Apologies for any spelling mistakes. Im currently posting from mobile which really fucks eith my typing.


----------



## dvon21

highlordmugfug said:


> I've both given, and asked for advice in this thread.
> 
> If someone wants advice, I'm always game to try and help. If they want advice with "wooing" someone that they've made it seem like they've never even really talked to (especially when it's someone who they seem to have chosen based on the fact that this person didn't happen to be around when they were acting unsettling to everyone), my approach is more "take that mess outta here."



Alright, dood, thanks for the clarification. 

I thought you were deeming everyone participating in this forum as "fucked from the get-go." That's why I was like


----------



## Genome

So it's been around a month single now, starting to feel the effects if you will.

I've seriously been stuck in a pornado for the last three weeks and have milked myself into a skeleton. 

I need to sort myself out.


----------



## broj15

Bumping with a small update, but an update none the less.

So things have been going pretty good. We've been talking the past couple days and she's just as sweet as she was back in the day. She still has no idea that i like her (at least not that i know of) but hopefully i can change that soon. In the next week or so i plan on asking her if i could come see her so we could hang out. But as of now things seem to be going pretty well.


----------



## texshred777

broj15 said:


> Bumping with a small update, but an update none the less.
> 
> So things have been going pretty good. We've been talking the past couple days and she's just as sweet as she was back in the day. She still has no idea that i like her (at least not that i know of) but hopefully i can change that soon. In the next week or so i plan on asking her if i could come see her so we could hang out. But as of now things seem to be going pretty well.


 

Why wait a week? Why not just call her up and see about going for a visit? You obviously like the girl and even if she doesn't reciprocate I would think it's better to just know and move forward/on.


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## broj15

Oh trust me, i would love nothing more than to go hang out as soon as i got off work, but we both have pretty busy schedules and its something that might require some coordination so im gonna give it a bit before i do anything like that. I know i can't take things too slow but im afraid if decide to rush into things i stand a chance of fucking it up which the last thing i want right now.


----------



## texshred777

Oh, I'm not saying to go over there now. I understand working out schedules and the like, but what I'm saying is to be up front with your feelings. I'd at least let her know that you like her, and are interested in possibly more than platonic friendship. If she doesn't reciprocate, then you have your answer. Then you can stop wondering what she might think. 

I only say this, because often guys play the friend-afraid to just put it out there-when they want more. There's no sexual tension, no flirting and when they finally tell the girl how they feel(sometimes too late) the girl is often surprised. 

Hey, I understand where you're coming from. At the risk of sounding a dick, it sounds like you may be overthinking it a little. Worst case, she'll appreciate the honesty and someone being interested in you is always an ego boost.

Just my opinion on the matter. Let us know how it works out.


----------



## broj15

I'll be sure yo keep you guys posted. And yes, i do over think things. Alot. Sometimes to a fault. That's precisely why i consume so much bud. Keeps me from getting stuck in my own head and over analyzing everything too much.


----------



## texshred777

broj15 said:


> I'll be sure yo keep you guys posted. And yes, i do over think things. Alot. Sometimes to a fault. That's precisely why i consume so much bud. Keeps me from getting stuck in my own head and over analyzing everything too much.


 
Well, at least you're aware of your challenges. You can overcome it.


----------



## Mexi

finally got around to getting together for some drinks with an ex tonight (she was also my first girlfriend). it sort of came out of the blue on some facebook message she sent me, wondering if I wanted to get together for drinks. it was really nice to catch up on each others' lives since we dated, which was way back when we were teenagers (I was 17 and we dated for almost 2 years) we just sorta stopped talking after we broke up, though I'd see her every now and then but never have a chance to say anything. 

things ended on relatively good terms, but with a lot of awkward, unanswered issues that really left me really insecure in my subsequent relationships. so when we got together earlier it felt like we just picked up where we left off and just talked for hours and bantered just like we used to. we also talked at length about our relationship and discussed those unresolved issues between us that lingered there.

she had a lot of fucked up issues with her family so it was a pretty awkward/serious relationship for our age but I still remember those afternoons laying together on the couch and watching movies fondly (and being sexually initiated) especially considering I've had only several less-successful relationships since. she told me how much it meant to her that I was with her when she had a really hard time dealing with a lot of her family problems. while I really appreciated and felt good about that, it felt like more of a relief to just openly talk about all the shit that happened between us then and to finally know why things turned out the way they did, because of how much all that affected and soured my later relationships. that and to just laugh and talk and drink/smoke bud (which we never did then) was really great. good thing for me that she left her boyfriend watching tv at their place (to his chagrin) to hang out with me and have a good time

so 6 years later, it was really great to spend a few hours with Sarah to just talk about and get answers to a lot of stuff that I'd probably held onto for entirely too long.

closure is good.


----------



## dNate

The girl I like is married. But the marriage is bullshit. 

She got engaged within 3 months of knowing this guy. She totally wants this though. The marriage looks like it's getting stale. Seeing them together looks pretty sad.....The regret is obvious.

Ima just ride it out.


----------



## tacotiklah

I actually have something decent to contribute. Woohoo!:

So for starters, I haven't seen my bf since the end of March, so I'm assuming that relationship is dead. Sucks, but it was more trouble that it was worth.

This girl I've had a thing for since about 2 years ago finally moved out here a couple weeks ago. I couldn't do much with her since she was in a relationship with a guy, but they just broke up the other night due to distance. The night they broke up, she came over to watch movies and hang out. Eventually we both ended up laying next to each other on the bed. We both stopped paying attention to the movie as she stripped off her shirt and I gave her the most awesome (and sensual) back massage. Kinda hot and heavy stuff. We did this for about 2 hours and she seemed to really enjoy it. It felt nice being a bit intimate with another girl again, although full blown sex would have been nice too. 

She IM'd me later saying that she enjoyed the back massage/kisses, but she wants to move super slow. I'm down for that since I don't wanna end up as a rebound. Plus anything worth anything involves effort and hard work. I'm game.


----------



## Atomshipped

I met a sweet girl in one of my classes the other day. She was that pretty Russian who needed help with her math, and I was that average looking but smart and funny-ish but shy guy who eagerly caught her up and helped her. 

I seriously doubt there's any future with her; she's a Russian after all (tons in my area, they're their own community basically; of which I am not a part of (although many people (including her) think I look Russian)) as well as a Senior (one year ahead of me). But it's nice to be talking to a new girl after breaking up with my girlfriend (I don't regret it at all; I'm happy it happened but it had to end).


----------



## broj15

Good news! She is being really nice and is showing alot of interest n what i have going on in my life (possible sign that she likes me or is at least interested) and she said she wants yo hang out soon. She is having her tonsils taken out soon and she will be unable to do much for a week but after that she said she really wants to see me.


----------



## Mason Vickers

Alright SSO, I'll keep this as short as possible. 

I was with (not really very happily) with a girl for nine months, I ended it due to seeing her fade from me and she eventually declared that she had feelings for her ex before me, blah blah. I ended it without really any remorse and didn't really feel so bad about it. 

Bad terms, she hates me, but I still have nothing against her in the end.

A week after we broke up, I met and right away spent time with this other girl. She was wonderful, and seriously everything I had ever dreamed of in a girl. We had some similar interests, were from different spectrums really (end of my high school career. I was in band, she was a cheerleader. Everyone was shocked and it wasn't supposed to happen) but got along with her better than anyone I had ever met. We labeled it and started being bf/gf right away. 

For five months everything was perfect. I spent every moment with her, never a fight, never a dull moment. I fell in love with her more every day, and she became the best friend I've ever had. I had countless firsts with her, and she fixed everything in my shitty life. For the first time ever, I was truly happy and you couldn't rip the smile off my face.

Out of nowhere, she went with friends one day to a party. (I'm not against partying in any way, but without being there myself... I'd like to think I'm not crazy for being upset/worried as hell) She drank, got high, and took Ex with her friends. A few days prior to all this, she started acting really strange... Being distant, not even texting back on days I wouldn't see her, just not being the girl I knew. This went on about every other night for three months; I grew increasingly more distraught. Both for her safety, and losing the girl I love. She became more and more distant. Seeing her maybe twice a week, and spend all my time freeing myself and trying to make dates and such. Her friends also hate/talk shit about me. I can't tell you the countless facebook messages/private calls I've gotten calling me a loser.

I know I know, MASON WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU JUST GO WITH HER AND MONITOR HER?! I'm 18 and currently still live at home, with extremely conservative/strict parents--on top of not being a party-person so to speak what so ever.

To GREATLY shorten things, she was moving four hours away to college; we had a couple long talks and her heart just wasn't in our relationship... so she said. I took it all to heart, and realized I wouldn't ever get my girl back. I ended it, because there wasn't any hope or really anything left I could do after trying for so long. Then all of a sudden she "loved" me again, and was all for trying the whole long distance thing... I just remembered how she treated me, and what was best; going against my heart.

We had one last fight, and haven't talked in about a week and a half.
I'm okay day to day, but some moments it just hits so hard. Realizing that your best friend is gone, and that what you had could have been all fake... taking your happiest memories of your life and realizing that they were artificial... it takes a toll, on top of other bullshit I'm dealing with.




Up until now, it's just been venting. Here's where I need advice.

I'm not wanting to actually date-date anyone for quite awhile; unless I met someone beyond exceptional.

BUT UNTIL THEN.

Friends keep saying that just harmlessly flirting and just talking to a few girls here and there will do me good and get my mind off the girl and the whole "HOW DO I LOVE ANYONE AGAIN    " feeling.

The problem is... Those two relationships are the only real ones I've had, and I've gotten the luck of having THEM approach me, surprisingly. I've never chased a girl myself, so to speak. I'm not the most attractive guy, I'm 5' 10", have medium-long dark hard and a beard, I'm rather lanky, wear glasses, and I'm just not exactly what girls around here look for I suppose. 

Going to have to go get things myself. 

How does this hopeless idiot get back in the game? Or enter it in the first place, really... Any tips for bouncing back after heart break?

Thanks for reading those that do. I don't really have anyone to talk to, and no way to vent. This seems like a supportive enough place.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

my advice would be to not get back in the game man, not untill you are felling better, just try to spend time with your friends and work on makingh yourself happier before you start looking for other girls. alot, don't think for a moment that just because it ended badly, that the good times you had with her somehow meant less.
i broke up with my gf of 3 year at the start of this year and what i did was spend time with my friends and worked on some problems i found i had with my personallity to make me a better person. i had some fun, a few one night stands, but only just met a girl i could be interested in. i guess what i'm trying to say is, hang in there, it does get better, and you will be a better person for this whole experience  just concentrate on yourself


----------



## Brill

I have had a revalation that i am actually Demisexual. I prefer manly lesbian(or just manly women).


----------



## tacotiklah

Loxodrome said:


> I have had a revalation that i am actually Demisexual. I prefer manly lesbian(or just manly women).


 
Definition of Demisexual:
Demisexual - AVENwiki (doesn't mean a liking for masculine women, but rather it means that you can't get sexually turned on by a person unless you are in a close relationship with them)

What you are describing is a liking for gender variant (and/or genderqueer) women. 

Edit: Btw, I wasn't trying to be douche, but I figured it was out of courtesy that I mention this. I misuse terms from time to time myself. Also there's nothing wrong with liking masculine women. I'm pansexual myself, so I'm cool with dating anyone regardless of gender.


----------



## MFB

Yeah, I didn't want to have to be the one to burst the demisexual bubble, but that's not the term you were searching for


----------



## Varcolac

ghstofperdition said:


> Definition of Demisexual:
> Demisexual - AVENwiki (doesn't mean a liking for masculine women, but rather it means that you can't get sexually turned on by a person unless you are in a close relationship with them)
> 
> What you are describing is a liking for gender variant (and/or genderqueer) women.
> 
> Edit: Btw, I wasn't trying to be douche, but I figured it was out of courtesy that I mention this. I misuse terms from time to time myself. Also there's nothing wrong with liking masculine women. I'm pansexual myself, so I'm cool with dating anyone regardless of gender.



Mmhmm. It's a preference. Your sexuality doesn't change if you like big butts and cannot lie, or if you're more of a breast fan and a pathological liar. Big girls, small girls, girly girls, butch girls, genderqueer girls, cisgendered girls. Y'all still like women. Don't problematize it.

Equally you can like big butch hairy manly mans, or effeminate sculpted boy-men, but you're still interested in men. You're not any less of a gay dude if you prefer Justin Bieber to Arnold Schwarzenegger. Don't problematize it.


----------



## Brill

ghstofperdition said:


> Definition of Demisexual:
> Demisexual - AVENwiki (doesn't mean a liking for masculine women, but rather it means that you can't get sexually turned on by a person unless you are in a close relationship with them)
> 
> What you are describing is a liking for gender variant (and/or genderqueer) women.
> 
> Edit: Btw, I wasn't trying to be douche, but I figured it was out of courtesy that I mention this. I misuse terms from time to time myself. Also there's nothing wrong with liking masculine women. I'm pansexual myself, so I'm cool with dating anyone regardless of gender.



i know ghst. My preferance is just manly women... I am still demi on the rest to be honest, it is hard for me to develop sexual bonds with people... Im far to intrested their hair..


----------



## texshred777

Mason Vickers said:


> ...How does this hopeless idiot get back in the game? Or enter it in the first place, really... Any tips for bouncing back after heart break?
> 
> Thanks for reading those that do. I don't really have anyone to talk to, and no way to vent. This seems like a supportive enough place.


 
I'm going to skip my usual response about not worrying about relationships until you get into college(or at least out of high school). I'm also not going to say that despite whether or not you went to the party and "monitored" her, the outcome would have been the same. I'm definitely not going to mention that she didn't fix the shitty thing in your life, she merely helped to get you into a positive state of mind. Nobody can fix things in your life or truly make you happy-if you're not a complete person on your own, nobody else can fix that. 

Now that I didn't say any of those things, I feel I have some perspective on the quoted portion of your post. 

There's a phrase that would be good to remember, "If you can do endings well, you can do beginnings well". While it's hard to see it now, things will be fine and life will go on. You should be happy to know that girls have approached you, let that be a bit of a boost to your ego. You obviously have something to offer. 

I've said it several times in previous posts so I'll summarize. If you want to be able to approach women you need two things more than anything. Communication skills(including being able to read body language) and confidence. If you need to vent or want further advice feel free to PM me.


----------



## The Reverend

I was all mildly content with life until I caught up with this thread.

Where's all the good news, guys? I saw some shit from the other Jess, but not much else. Let's fuck this shit up! (As we say in Texas, because we are just plain cooler than all the other states except for possibly Alaska.)


----------



## tacotiklah

^Exactly! Buck up guys. If a crazy tranny like myself can bring in bitches, you guys should have it made in the shade!


----------



## Goatfork

The Reverend said:


> Let's fuck this shit up! (As we say in Texas, because we are just plain cooler than all the other states except for possibly Alaska.)


 
Possibly Alaska? Definitely Alaska.


----------



## SammyKillChambers

Okay. I really need some help.

Me and this girl have been best friends for the last 5 years. Since we met eachother we've always made eachother laugh, supported eachother through tough times, and shared some great memories. We've never once had an argument with eachother.

But the plot thickens.

I've had feelings for her as long as I've known her. Even though I've had a couple of relationships since I've known her, and I've seen her go out with a lot of guys over the last half a decade, I still have really strong feelings towards her.

Now here's where it get's difficult.

1) She's currently interested in some dude she met on a dating site (sketchy?)

2) When I last saw her, she cut my hair off (had it shoulder length since I was 15, I'm now 21), and told me that she'd rate me as an 8 now, whereas before, it was about a 5.

And 3) We've been friends for so long, if it goes wrong, I could lose my closest friend.

I've been getting mixed signals for a while now, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to spoil our friendship by telling her how I feel and it not going well, but at the same time, if I don't tell her, I'm gonna end up regretting it for a long time.

I think I love her.

I kind of want to just take her out for dinner when I next see her. I'll treat it as a date, but see if she does too. I don't know.

What do you all think? Reading through this thread has encouraged me to write here, because everyone is so supportive. So any help I can get would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks


----------



## Fiction

Guys I made way too long of eye contact with a girl eating a cupcake on a train, I've never Been more turned on in my life


----------



## Varcolac

SammyKillChambers said:


> I think I love her.
> 
> I kind of want to just take her out for dinner when I next see her. I'll treat it as a date, but see if she does too. I don't know



Does she know? Is she aware of your feelings? Have you at any point made your romantic intent clear, or are you keeping this all inside for the sake of friendship?

Don't try to make some sort of ambiguous quasi-date. If you're good friends you'll have hung out before with no romantic expectations. Unless you explicitly frame the dinner as a date she'll have no reason to expect anything. My girlfriend has told me of so many introverted guys who'd never even said they were romantically interested in her, and who were then offended when they didn't get into her knickers. It freaked her the hell out, because until the guys came over all frustrated because she didn't put out, _She'd_ seen it as nothing more than a friendship, because they _never said they were into her that way._

The lesson, gentlemen, is to frame the interaction in the right way. You see her as potentially more than a friend? Tell her, or you'll just disappoint yourself and push her away.

It won't ruin your friendship. You're not even happy with just a friendship, so either make an explicit move towards a relationship, or remain "just a friend" forever.


----------



## Murmel

SammyKillChambers said:


> lots of text


Just tell her man. I'm almost in the exact same boat except it's only been 2½ years for me.
Once she found out, we became closer if anything. Of course I'm still saddened by seeing her with her BF 5 days out of the week, but we're still close friends. She told me it was up to me if we stayed friends or not, because I would be the one dealing with all the pain anyway.

If she says you can't be friends anymore when you tell her she's just an asshole.


----------



## SammyKillChambers

Thanks guys, I'll take it all on board, and make the move when I'm ready.

I did once ask her out towards the beginning of our friendship, and she said that she didn't want to risk our friendship, and that I wasn't her type. But since then my feelings have only become stronger.

Inb4 Denko.


----------



## JosephAOI

Hey guys, I need breakup advice. I know I've gone through so much shit with my girlfriend but after it all settled down and all, I just realized how boring our relationship is and that I've just lost feelings for her. Thing is, I have no idea how to go about saying it.


----------



## Faine

Lastnight I finally told my girlfriend I love her after 6 months of being together... We had a great weekend, saw my bestfriend get married. I danced with her, we had sleep overs movie nights, cuddle fests, Then I told her I loved her. She said she wanted to for a while now but was nervous and didnt want to spook me. 

feels good man.


----------



## SammyKillChambers

JosephAOI said:


> Hey guys, I need breakup advice. I know I've gone through so much shit with my girlfriend but after it all settled down and all, I just realized how boring our relationship is and that I've just lost feelings for her. Thing is, I have no idea how to go about saying it.



Hey dude, I know exactly how this feels, I went through it with my ex of 3 and a half years. The best thing you can do is just be truthful. Talk to her in total privacy, and tell her how you feel. Tell her that you're no longer excited by the relationship, and you don't quite feel the same way anymore. Yes, it will hurt her, but it's the best thing to do. It would hurt her so much more if you just strung her along for ages because you didn't know how to break up with her.

I hope you'll do the right thing. If you want to chat about it, feel free to PM me, I'll be happy to help in any way I can


----------



## MikeH

Guitarists suck at relationships.

/thread


----------



## SammyKillChambers

MikeH said:


> Guitarists suck at relationships.
> 
> /thread



True story. I know from experience.


----------



## morrowcosom

If there were more lead singers posting, asking for advice, the posts would be more like, "I banged these three chicks at the concert last night and I really only want to continue banging one of them, but they are all best friends, so the one I want to keep banging would tell the others, and one of the two others knows my wife. 

How do I keep banging that chick I want without my wife finding out?"


----------



## Mexi

MikeH said:


> Guitarists suck at relationships.
> 
> /thread




cause her right hand technique blows


----------



## Gothic Headhunter

I'm guessing her left hand technique sucks, then?


----------



## -42-

4 Reasons to Dump Him | Mind & Body | Diet&Fitness | MyDailyMoment


----------



## MFB

Roommate's new friend sent me a request on FB, I denied her. 
She asked me in a message to accept, I told her why I declined.
She kept looking for conversation, I hate idle chat and was tired so I went to bed.
Wake up 12 hours later to 3 new messages and she's clearly annoying so I answer back in my usual manner.
Hopefully now she wants nothing to do with me.


----------



## soliloquy

MFB said:


> Roommate's new friend sent me a request on FB, I denied her.
> She asked me in a message to accept, I told her why I declined.
> She kept looking for conversation, I hate idle chat and was tired so I went to bed.
> Wake up 12 hours later to 3 new messages and she's clearly annoying so I answer back in my usual manner.
> Hopefully now she wants nothing to do with me.




its a trap. facebook is stupid. if someone who isn't in your circle (or even if its not your friend) and emails you, they cant access your profile. but as soon as you reply, they get to see everything you have on your wall, regardless of your settings.


----------



## JosephAOI

Well I'm single again. I feel so shitty about it because of how she probably feels but I'm hoping things will be better for the both of us from here on out.


----------



## Winspear

SammyKillChambers said:


> Inb4 Denko.



Denko.

Who the hell are you talking about man? 
Acquire her.


----------



## MFB

soliloquy said:


> its a trap. facebook is stupid. if someone who isn't in your circle (or even if its not your friend) and emails you, they cant access your profile. but as soon as you reply, they get to see everything you have on your wall, regardless of your settings.



I could care less about that, I just dont know the bitch and pestering is no way to get someone to be a fan of you


----------



## SammyKillChambers

EtherealEntity said:


> Denko.
> 
> Who the hell are you talking about man?
> Acquire her.



The Antibaritone.


----------



## synrgy

She said yes!


----------



## metal_sam14

synrgy said:


> She said yes!



Congrats mate, that is fucking awesome!


----------



## MFB

MikeH said:


> Guitarists suck at relationships.
> 
> /thread



I prefer the more eloquently put version of, "How do I swoon girl? *¯\(´°&#969;o`)/¯*"


----------



## Dan

Just to add more win to this conversation. I met a pretty girl who works with me today who's favorite band is Opeth. I promptly asked this girl out for coffee tomorrow. 

AND SHE SAID YES!


----------



## MFB

Double-edged sword friend, since you work together if things work out great, but it's also gonna mean it'll be a pain getting the same time off (unless this a regular 9-5 kind of job) as well as I'm sure you'll get a big speil about inter-office relations and all that BS that goes along with it. Plus, don't forget you'll see each other if it DOESNT work out too.

...Have fun!


----------



## flint757

The most dangerous game


----------



## Dan

MFB said:


> Double-edged sword friend, since you work together if things work out great, but it's also gonna mean it'll be a pain getting the same time off (unless this a regular 9-5 kind of job) as well as I'm sure you'll get a big speil about inter-office relations and all that BS that goes along with it. Plus, don't forget you'll see each other if it DOESNT work out too.
> 
> ...Have fun!



We work on different floors  and im looking for a new job. Plus come on, when a girl says her favorite band is Opeth you cant pass up on that.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Dan said:


> We work on different floors  and im looking for a new job. Plus come on, when a girl says her favorite band is Opeth you cant pass up on that.


.... I would  But good on ya anyway!


----------



## -42-

Guys.

Dating: Do's And Dont's (1949) - YouTube


----------



## Cdub

-42- said:


> Guys.
> 
> Dating: Do's And Dont's (1949) - YouTube


 
How do you say goodnight? Scene 1 : This is usually how I ask them out, lol.


----------



## highlordmugfug

EDIT: Eh.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Starting to think I'm better off not having a gf considering the amount of time my drummer can't spend tracking with us because his gf is yanking the leash. Nothing bad against him... Gotta do what you gotta do, but meh... I already do enough... Fitting in someone else's wants/needs just seems like too much.


----------



## MFB

I came to the conclusion today, that it's been 3 years since my last relationship (egad!) and that means that sometime within the next few months that'll change. See, most people can calculate stars and moon shit, I can do the same with relations. Between my most recent ex and the one before here it was three years (back when I was 16) and before that it was never. So 3 years between relationships is my current number I'm working with and it'll probably turn out right.


----------



## kerska

Oh good god the dreaded "I just met this girl and don't want to fuck it up."



This girl is way out of my league. She works with my friend and I guess my friend laid some ground work and got her interested in me. So I took her out for dinner a couple nights ago and we had a really good time. Our interests are a bit different from each other, but we have a lot in common personality wise and share the same kind of humor and just generally had fun together. 

Now comes the follow up. I'm so bad at this and can never gauge how to go about follow up. She said she had fun and said it was a sure thing for us to hang out next week but I feel myself slipping into that "do I text her, do I not text her" phase. She was kinda hard to read but my friend said that after I dropped her off she texted him that night saying she was digging me and thinks I'm hot. I'm usually like super smooth with girls and don't really have trouble getting any, but feeling like this girl is a step above me is messing me up. I mean technically I just met her for the first time a couple nights ago, but I don't want to not contact her until we go out next week. I'm just really bad at the when do I text/call/make contact. 

Any tips?


----------



## MFB

Just fucking text her.

Don't be a bitch.


----------



## Cabinet

if you think you're out of her league you've already lost, buddy


----------



## texshred777

In what way is she out of your league? I personally don't buy into anyone being out of my league, regardless of how (insert adjective) they are. 

Just man up and text/call her. As long as you don't come off as needy or let your perceived inferiority come across you'll be fine. That's my tip. Instead of getting caught up in her being out of your league, take it as a compliment that a pretty girl enjoyed your company and finds you attractive. Don't try to be smooth and witty if that's not you. Be yourself.


----------



## kerska

texshred777 said:


> In what way is she out of your league? I personally don't buy into anyone being out of my league, regardless of how (insert adjective) they are. .



Yeah you're right, but I was just kinda taken aback because I had seen pics of her on facebook but she looked 10x better in person so I felt a little intimidated. I just kept her laughing the whole night and it worked out well.

But yeah you guys are right. I'm being a bitch about it haha. Although what you guys said was stuff I already knew to do, I think I needed someone to call me a bitch and kinda slap me around a bit. Thanks guys


----------



## Thrashmanzac

well, i'm thinking about asking the girl i have been seeing out, as we have both decided we don't want to see other people. she is gorgeous, funny, swears like a sailor lol and close mates with all of my best friends. i will keep you all updated haha. this is the best year of my life


----------



## tacotiklah

Well this was depressing. Girl that moved out here wanted me to take her on dates and get to know her. Just finished talking to her and she gave me the "just friends" spiel and then goes on and on about how she wants to get with this guy that she just met on tumblr and knows for a whopping five hours. When I mention that I'm not as enthusiastic about it, she realizes oh Jess is kind of bummed about the friends thing and tries cheering me up with bullshit phrases like "I think you're an amazing person" and "I just know you'll find that perfect someone that loves you."

Oh hello depression. I see you're making an extended stay now, and won't even do me the courtesy of paying me rent. Scumbag depression.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

ghstofperdition said:


> Well this was depressing. Girl that moved out here wanted me to take her on dates and get to know her. Just finished talking to her and she gave me the "just friends" spiel and then goes on and on about how she wants to get with this guy that she just met on tumblr and knows for a whopping five hours. When I mention that I'm not as enthusiastic about it, she realizes oh Jess is kind of bummed about the friends thing and tries cheering me up with bullshit phrases like "I think you're an amazing person" and "I just know you'll find that perfect someone that loves you."
> 
> Oh hello depression. I see you're making an extended stay now, and won't even do me the courtesy of paying me rent. Scumbag depression.



no offenese man, but from what you just said she sounds like a fucking idiot, i think you would be better off without her


----------



## tacotiklah

Yeah. Which makes me feel worse because I'm naive as fuck still. You'd think after being engaged with someone that doesn't love you for four years, you'd learn to stop trying to get with people like that. I think that's where I'm the most depressed.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

ghstofperdition said:


> Yeah. Which makes me feel worse because I'm naive as fuck still. You'd think after being engaged with someone that doesn't love you for four years, you'd learn to stop trying to get with people like that. I think that's where I'm the most depressed.



i'm sorry to hear man, but it happens to everyone at some point. sometimes it is hard to tell what people are really like and you fall for them even though they turn out to be bad for you, through no fault of your own. just hang in there man and it will get better


----------



## tm20

has anyone been in, or tried to start a relationship with a fellow band member? how did it turn out? the vocalist in the band i'm in is probably the coolest chick i've met but so far no feelings have developed (i just think she's good looking). I haven't known her for long (2 months or so) BUT if i do develop feelings, then what should i do? just want to hear people's experiences and hopefully get some insight 

*i wish i could help people here by giving useful advice but i'm so shit with this relationship stuff -__-


----------



## tacotiklah

I refuse to date bandmates because that is a breeding ground for disaster. If you break up it can get messy, and it can ruin your band. Better to keep it professional.


----------



## Murmel

tm20 said:


> has anyone been in, or tried to start a relationship with a fellow band member? how did it turn out? the vocalist in the band i'm in is probably the coolest chick i've met but so far no feelings have developed (i just think she's good looking). I haven't known her for long (2 months or so) BUT if i do develop feelings, then what should i do? just want to hear people's experiences and hopefully get some insight
> 
> *i wish i could help people here by giving useful advice but i'm so shit with this relationship stuff -__-


This is happening right now with 2 of my friends. They're in the same band but also toghether. The band is also a group of friends that hang out a lot, not just a band.

Apparently it was really weird at first, and it kinda separated them for a while. But it seems fine now.
However, if your band means a lot to you then the risk might not be worth it.


----------



## renzoip

tm20 said:


> has anyone been in, or tried to start a relationship with a fellow band member? how did it turn out? the vocalist in the band i'm in is probably the coolest chick i've met but so far no feelings have developed (i just think she's good looking). I haven't known her for long (2 months or so) BUT if i do develop feelings, then what should i do? just want to hear people's experiences and hopefully get some insight
> 
> *i wish i could help people here by giving useful advice but i'm so shit with this relationship stuff -__-




In my last band, my singer and my drummer dated for a long time. I've always been against bandmates dating, but they were already in a relationship before I joined the band, so I really wasn't in the position to make new rules. Much to my surprise, them dating did not affect the band negatively in any way. During band rehearsal time, and during composition time, they were normal bandmates and team players like everyone else. Whatever they did after made no difference to us. This worked out well for a while. Then one year and a half later into the band, my two dating bandmates broke up. While I initially thought this would be a complete disaster, they were totally professional about it and remained productive members and cooperative with each other, no awkwardness. They were very determined to keep the band going and they did. 

Another example is my closest friends band. They are actually married and live together, and they run the band, literally. They are very professional and do not get their marital life involved in their band. Honestly, you wouldn't even be able to tell they were in a relationship. 


I guess it is a matter of maturity and of keeping band matters and personal matters separate. It's doable, but it depends on the parties involved.


----------



## tm20

thanks for the advice. renzoip, your avatar is awesome. so thanks, ya fookin prawn


----------



## MUTANTOID

I feel like this song / band / video may be appreciated in this thread.


----------



## Aevolve

Randomly got a message on Skype from this girl I went to high school with. Not hot, not bad looking either. I do remember she was incredibly dumb, however. We didn't talk at all really, we just pretty much knew the other existed.

So, she messages me and instantaneously tries to cam with me, telling me "I'll show you my body if I can see yours" and shit.
She was kindof surprised by me saying "Sorry, I'm not single. No thank you."
I don't think she's heard of a guy being faithful before. 

Called my gf when the conversation was over, and we both had a laugh about it. We have a pretty epic weekend planned too. 


Feels good to be good man.


----------



## flint757

Haha how weird.


----------



## Aevolve

Seriously. The entire time I was thinking "has this worked for you in the past?"


----------



## flint757

I'm sure it did, but I just don't see how she benefits from that either. I mean if you're that horny watch some porn.


----------



## texshred777

^^
Or she has some webcam business going and was about to redirect you to a site...


----------



## Aevolve

flint757 said:


> I'm sure it did, but I just don't see how she benefits from that either. I mean if you're that horny watch some porn.


Seriously. 


texshred777 said:


> ^^
> Or she has some webcam business going and was about to redirect you to a site...


And no, I was in the Skype call.. she would've linked me earlier. And right out of high school? Probably not. At least, I'd hope not.


----------



## texshred777

Perhaps. At least you didn't go for it either way. 

As far as being just out of high school, you never know. I had a family member(well, wife's family member) just try to get a job at a "lingerie modeling" place right out of high school. By "lingerie modeling", I mean going into a back room to "model" things for paying customers who may tip for...other services.


----------



## Aevolve

My woman's way more attractive anyway.  No need.

And gross.


----------



## BucketheadRules

All you people struggling with the friendzone, Bill Hicks feels your pain:


----------



## Necris

^ I'm personally of the opinion that the guys who complain about being "friendzoned" are also jerks. 
Your advances are rejected by a girl and you decide that rather than back off since a physical relationship was what you actually wanted that it's a better idea to pretend to be her "friend"; not to actually have a friendship of course but because you know this is the only way you can get your foot in the door and also because you're so full of yourself that you believe if you put on a good enough act she'll "come around" and decide she'd rather be fucking you. You of course spend the majority of this time bitching and moaning to anyone who will listen about how you're such a great guy and her taste in men is terrible while hoping that her relationship fails.
You're not a nice guy, you're a deceptive cunt. 

The fact of the matter is that if you're "friendzoned" no-one is forcing you to wait around if you don't want to and as such you have no right to complain, you can move on and look elsewhere but you choose not to.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

^ i agree completely, i get so sick of the whole friendzone shit. if you can't appreciate being friends with someone, because you feel you deserve more and are just waiting around for the other person to change, or for yourself to grow some balls, then you don't deserve that friendship.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Sometimes the chick just doesn't like you... 

But there are so many of them it's nearly overwhelming. Complaining ab one that doesn't like you seems like egotism. If you're continually placed in the friendzone you're either going after the wrong women or you need to look at yourself. Is there something in your nose?


----------



## Thrashmanzac

Konfyouzd said:


> Sometimes the chick just doesn't like you...



exactly, and pretending to be her friend while undermining her relationship isn't going to change that


----------



## Konfyouzd

It's gonna lead to fights w no makeup sex... Fail.


----------



## -42-

It's totally possible to be friends with women (attractive ones even!) and not feel the compulsive need to bang them. The friendzone is whiny copout perpetrated by an internet subculture awash in self-pity.


----------



## Fiction

The friend-zone is my kinda zone.. It's got friends in it!


----------



## Winspear

-42- said:


> It's totally possible to be friends with women (attractive ones even!) and not feel the compulsive need to be in a relationship with them.



Fixed that for you. Wanting to bang them is inevitable.


----------



## ASoC

Necris said:


> ^ I'm personally of the opinion that the guys who complain about being "friendzoned" are also jerks.
> Your advances are rejected by a girl and you decide that rather than back off since a physical relationship was what you actually wanted that it's a better idea to pretend to be her "friend"; not to actually have a friendship of course but because you know this is the only way you can get your foot in the door and also because you're so full of yourself that you believe if you put on a good enough act she'll "come around" and decide she'd rather be fucking you. You of course spend the majority of this time bitching and moaning to anyone who will listen about how you're such a great guy and her taste in men is terrible while hoping that her relationship fails.
> You're not a nice guy, you're a deceptive cunt.
> 
> The fact of the matter is that if you're "friendzoned" no-one is forcing you to wait around if you don't want to and as such you have no right to complain, you can move on and look elsewhere but you choose not to.





Thrashmanzac said:


> ^ i agree completely, i get so sick of the whole friendzone shit. if you can't appreciate being friends with someone, because you feel you deserve more and are just waiting around for the other person to change, or for yourself to grow some balls, then you don't deserve that friendship.





Konfyouzd said:


> Sometimes the chick just doesn't like you...
> 
> But there are so many of them it's nearly overwhelming. Complaining ab one that doesn't like you seems like egotism. If you're continually placed in the friendzone you're either going after the wrong women or you need to look at yourself. Is there something in your nose?


----------



## tacotiklah

^Listening to this advice is REALLY helping me out because I'm striking out again and again and it was making me bitter. Time to re-evaluate wtf I'm doing wrong.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

When I'm in the friend zone I send 500 emails to them cause they are just to shy to admit their love.....(´&#65381;&#969;&#65381;`)


----------



## renzoip

SS Love and Relationship Thread = The New Friendzone


----------



## Dan_Vacant

renzoip said:


> SS Love and Relationship Thread = The New Friendzone


Friend zone as in no one is touching my ween or as in we are actually all friends (with a possibility of my ween getting touched)?


----------



## Thrashmanzac

Thrashmanzac said:


> well, i'm thinking about asking the girl i have been seeing out, as we have both decided we don't want to see other people. she is gorgeous, funny, swears like a sailor lol and close mates with all of my best friends. i will keep you all updated haha. this is the best year of my life



well we are going out, and i couldn't be happier! 
the best year of my life just got better. for those playing along at home this year started with my last realtionship ending, moving to a new city and starting a new course (luthiery), so it just goes to show, for anyone that is down in the dumps about a breakup that better things will come! 
also, i just got home from seeing my favorite band of all time, earth. so yeah, i'm one happy dude right now


----------



## renzoip

Dan_Vacant said:


> Friend zone as in no one is touching my ween or as in we are actually all friends (with a possibility of my ween getting touched)?



I leave that open to interpretation.


----------



## The Reverend

It's not always a jerk thing. There's been times I was shot down, but thought the girl was amazing and just wanted to spend time with them. I was depressed about it, but I'm not sure complaining about it online qualifies as being an entitled dick. 

I will say, though, that as I've gotten older I've realized that not every girl I was 'in love' with was right for me, even as a friend, and that it was my dick tricking my brain into thinking that.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

The Reverend said:


> I will say, though, that as I've gotten older I've realized that not every girl I was 'in love' with was right for me, even as a friend, and that it was my dick tricking my brain into thinking that.



I've noticed this as well. I've been involved with some girls I initially chased because either they were gorgeous or I was head over heels for for whatever reason, and then a few months after things fell apart or didn't work out, I realized that I either narrowly missed or barely escaped something that was really no good for me.

I can see this clearly, particularly looking back on a girl I was sleeping with this past winter/spring. She's one of the most gorgeous girls I've ever met, but in hindsight, I realize that's all the positive I took out of it. We did laugh a lot together, but looks and sense of humour aside, our personalities just didn't mesh whatsoever. And like you say, this girl isn't someone I really should have even been friends with, let alone almost getting serious with. I just let my dick do the thinking, and ignored glaring character clashes.


----------



## kerska

I'm kinda wondering at what point do you guys give up the chase?

I've been talking to this girl for a couple of weeks (I posted about her a couple weeks ago and was acting like a pansy), and I'm getting really mixed signals from her. Last week we had planned on hanging out but she said she had some birthday thing for her mom to go to and would let me know if she could hang out. At about 10 o'clock that night she invited me over and cooked me a bad ass meal and we just chatted it up over coffee until like 2AM at her place. So after that night I'm thinking okay this is a good sign...

Well we planned on going to a hookah bar this week to hang out and she kinda left me in the "I'll let you know when I'm free" state which is cool because she followed up with me before when she did that. I guess what trips me out is if I try to text or call her just to say what's up or ask how her day is I don't get any response. I don't blow her up constantly and maybe send one text or phone call every 2-3 days just asking how she is and what not. Sometimes she replies, sometimes she doesn't. But if I ignore her completely all of a sudden she's on my facebook commenting on stuff and liking things and what not which makes me think she's trying to stay relevant because she doesn't do that any other time. It's like right when I'm like meh she's not interested she does something that makes me think she is and it throws me for a loophole.

I'm no fucking Johnny Depp here, but I've never dealt with a girl that is all coy like this. It's usually pretty easy for me to pull a girl. I'm not pushy and just let it be if I don't hear from her, but I'm confused as shit and don't even know how to play this. And please, if I'm being a whiny bitch again let me know. It actually helped me out last time.


----------



## flint757

Cat and mouse dude. It is all just a game and she likes the attention. So when you ignore her she tries getting your attention and when you give it she ignores it. Pretty standard it seems.

That being said I have no advice as I don't deal a whole lot with people who actually bother with the mind games.


----------



## texshred777

^^
Question. Have you told her, in no uncertain terms how you feel? Have you been honest or is it something that's up in the air? I ask because you've used the term hang out a lot, but not date. Being ambiguous in the hope that you can avoid rejection and things can "naturally" progress is a mistake. 

Man up, stop using platonic language and get it out there. Don't see if she wants to hang out, see if she wants to go out on a proper date. 

If you do, and she's wishy washy and can't commit to a clear romantic meeting move on. At that point you're just an ego boost for her.


----------



## kerska

texshred777 said:


> ^^
> Question. Have you told her, in no uncertain terms how you feel?



The first couple of times was just pretty casual so that's why this time when we go out I was just gonna put it out there like hey I'm interested in you. I haven't really been using the platonic terms with her, and it's been more of a "Can I take you out again, or I'd like to see you again" type of verbage. 

But yeah I know what you mean about putting it out there and that's what I was going to do this time because I'm aware that if I don't act quick the friend zone is in my future lol. The past couple of times it's just been pure conversation and still like getting to know each other. I've taken chicks to hookah bars before and it sets a really good laid back vibe so I was gonna use that to my advantage.


----------



## texshred777

That's exactly what I mean, dude. The basis for you wanting to be around her was because you're romantically interested in her. First dates are typically for getting to know someone-but the premise is still based on a romantic desire and both parties are clear on that.

I'm not implying she isn't aware of your desire. She probably knows exactly what the deal is, but by being passive and meek you give her exactly the kind of footing to play coy and dance around the subject. By being direct and to the point, she has two options. She can accept or decline. There's a chance that she likes a man to be more alpha, and is waiting for you to act on it.

Whatever you do, if she uses the line about being friends, cut it off unless you are ok with just being her friend. Don't hang around hoping something will develop. Move on.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

So i haven't posted on this thread before but:

It seems like some of you guys over thinking shit WAY to much..
Im at a point were ive been single for over a year (Im 18, 19 in a month)
I have had the awful teenage thing of being cheated on by my ex who i was with for 20 or so months.. That shit really fucked me up and i feel sorry for the guys on here cuz i completely know what your going through and how your feeling, i was completely blindsided by it..

Anyway.. Ive come to a point were im not so fucked up anymore (Well i don't think i am) and im really keen to get into a relationship.. I just miss having a chick around more than anything.. But im not going out and analysing every single chick i meet and falling love instantly.. Ive started uni this year and have made some great girl mates, a couple of them ive liked, but they've all turned out to have bf's or not seem to like me the same way.. AND THATS FINE!!! I am friends with most of them and its not awkward, saw one the other day after a couple of months.. she came to uni to walk her bf's dog and we had a catch up chat for about an hour.. 
It's mainly cuz i never said anything since i found out it wasn't going to happen pretty much straight away.
But i just think some guys on here are thinking way to into it.. If it happens it will, if not she probably isn't the one for you.. move on. Once you realise that things get way fucking easier..


----------



## Kiwimetal101

For a legit question:

My mates are CUNTS.. like seriously they are CUNTS and fuck most people off, every second word out of their mouths is "YOU CUNT".. But i think their crack and their my good mates.. as CUNTY as they are they'd be there when i needed them kinda thing..

How the fuck do you find a chick that can handle that?


----------



## Varcolac

My girlfriend loves the word "cunt." It's a fine word, and if we're using orifices as profanities (you dickish arsehole) we need to be equal-opportunity employers. I dunno how one actively finds women who're okay with the word, or cuntish behaviour in general. I'd concentrate on finding someone for you first and foremost, rather than someone who's right for your friends. If you share interests, a sense if humour and all that, they'll probably be okay with your mates. If not, well, not every relationship lasts forever and at least you get some action, which is a win, right?


----------



## Metal_Webb

The other option is just passively slip it into everyday conversation so much it becomes blase and she gets over it lol. My female friends at school used to give us shit for swearing. We just kept on doing it and since a couple of years ago they're effin and jeffin with the best of us


----------



## Kiwimetal101

@Webb
Yea thats the way im probably going to go with it lol

I am looking for a chick just for me Varcolac, but i don't want her to go "its your mates or me" kinda thing if she ends up hating them


----------



## Fiction

Single them out straight away by using the opening "Sup cunt".

Straight to the point, if they're down to tango, then tango.*





*Sarcastic post brought to you by the Australian Fiction Party (AFP&#8482


----------



## texshred777

Speaking of overthinking things..

It's not difficult. Be yourself, don't apologize for them or yourself. If being massively uncouth is the general demeanor of your group then chances are you won't be attracting women appalled by such behavior in the first place. It sounds like you want someone who doesn't easily offend, and probably has a bit of a potty mouth on her.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Haha not neccesarily more just been able to handle shit.. Like when we pour dish washing detergent in all the food in someones fridge before we leave a party etc


----------



## texshred777

Kiwimetal101 said:


> Like when we pour dish washing detergent in all the food in someones fridge before we leave a party etc


 
Why in the world would you do something like that?


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Because when your drunk off your tits its the funniest thing in the world....
And thats how CUNTY my mates are


----------



## texshred777

Well good luck then. I mistook your original question as finding a woman who can accept your friends for their vulgarity. Being a douchebag is a different problem altogether.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

texshred777 said:


> Well good luck then. I mistook your original question as finding a woman who can accept your friends for their vulgarity. Being a douchbag is a different problem altogether.


 
Haha no worries mate


----------



## texshred777

Well, had an interesting moment with a pretty brunette earlier. Got a number, don't know if I'll call or not-need to at least get out of living with my ex before trying to start anything. Also had a random kiss at a party type gig last night. Made eye contact with a girl and went to say hello, definite chemistry and ended with a kiss before I had to go. The brunette held a door open for me and I made a comment about her being beautiful and thoughtful. She smiles and I just say hello, my name is Chris. 



I'm only posting this for the guys on here who've expressed frustration at not being able to meet or make a connection with women. I'm not a beautiful man, handsome yes-but not a 10. I'm also not super fit. I work out, but am still cutting down to my goal of 180 lbs. I'm currently 240(even if I look closer to 200 due to a muscular build). The only thing I have going for me really is I'm not afraid to make a connection with someone and I'm confident. I don't go out seeking it, but opportunities are always there.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Id start talking to her mate.. lay some ground work for when you move out and feel comfortable going further with it


----------



## JosephAOI

You guys know what I've come to realize tonight?

Open relationships are perfect. If you can find the right girl who loves you for who you are and neither of you feel possessive that you can fuck whoever but still have that emotional part to you, it's golden.

If only I could find a girl like that.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

JosephAOI said:


> You guys know what I've come to realize tonight?
> 
> Open relationships are perfect. If you can find the right girl who loves you for who you are and neither of you feel possessive that you can fuck whoever but still have that emotional part to you, it's golden.
> 
> If only I could find a girl like that.


I once thought about that. It would kinda bug me knowing some one else parked in my garage, but I agree it would make a good relationship.


----------



## tacotiklah

JosephAOI said:


> You guys know what I've come to realize tonight?
> 
> Open relationships are perfect. If you can find the right girl who loves you for who you are and neither of you feel possessive that you can fuck whoever but still have that emotional part to you, it's golden.
> 
> If only I could find a girl like that.




It's no cakewalk. Trust me on this.


----------



## Murmel

I could never do open relationships. I'm a jealous fucker


----------



## texshred777

I'm not a jealous guy, but wouldn't want an open relationship. It sounds great, but the facts are they rarely work out for long term relationships. Having been married and faithful to one person for a decade, sex with only one person doesn't necessitate boring.


----------



## UnderTheSign

ghstofperdition said:


> It's no cakewalk. Trust me on this.


Yeah, it requires LOADS of trust and lots of talking from both sides... Most people try it because it "seems fun" but I've only seen half dozen of them work out well so far.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

I could not handle that.. Its bad enough being cheated on.. Doing it openly is a whole new ball park..


----------



## flint757

Open relationships only fail if one person is insecure (or both) and/or one isn't technically participating. (one gets all the action)

I'd say being a swinger is probably the only way to avoid these sort of problems. That being said I don't see the point, either you're happy or you're not.


----------



## texshred777

There's the insecurity part, but then there's a few other things. One, the lifestyle. If you're planning on getting married and having children at some point-having quality time together, even without the added partners it can be a struggle. 

Even without adding marriage and procreation into the mix there's the aspect of building true intimacy. The daily grind of life happens, and all those butterflies and fireworks of a new relationship begin to fade. Even people who are perfectly secure and confident in themselves tend to start feeling like second place in these kinds of arrangements. Putting that energy into encounters with other people takes away from actually working on the things that keep relationships healthy after the honeymoon phase wears off. Relationships, no matter how "perfect" or strong take work in the long run.

Being happy is a fleeting thing. Being fulfilled and content is a more long term goal. Happiness should be a by product of your actions and the relationships you cultivate with people.


----------



## BlindingLight7

Been pretty much head over heels for this girl since the start, first date was about 8 months ago. We recently got into a big fight because her roomate made up some BS about me lying to her to "get" her. And she believed him, so now I'm left here pretty much shattered and pissed off that she would believe some random asshole over her own boyfriend. I'm fed up with her shit completely (other things have led up to this too.) but I love her to death, and it really fucking sucks. I haven't felt this alone in well....8 months. :|



So ronery


----------



## texshred777

Forgot to mention.

I'm not against casual flings. If that's the lifestyle you want, do that. I think it's better to just be honest about what you want and go for that. Want to be free and unattached, don't commit to a serious relationship. 

I can say this, though. I'm in no position right now for another serious relationship. I will probably fuck around a lot before I am. I can also say that having gone through a fair share of meaningless encounters and man whoring-even on a purely physical level those experiences, however fun paled in comparison to actually making love with someone I really cared for and knew what buttons they liked pushed. Sure our first time together was great, my previous experience didn't hurt there but it got better.


----------



## texshred777

BlindingLight7 said:


> Been pretty much head over heels for this girl since the start, first date was about 8 months ago. We recently got into a big fight because her roomate made up some BS about me lying to her to "get" her. And she believed him, so now I'm left here pretty much shattered and pissed off that she would believe some random asshole over her own boyfriend. I'm fed up with her shit completely (other things have led up to this too.) but I love her to death, and it really fucking sucks. I haven't felt this alone in well....8 months.
> 
> So ronery



I'm not implying anything or assuming anything, let me start with that.

Did she have a reason to believe you weren't honest with her. Have you been caught lying(or in a situation where the truth seemed unlikely)?

Does she have previous history with being lied to a lot or any abandonment issues? What about her family of origin? Any daddy issues or broken home? Those things can often make people either self sabotage or look for excuses to find an out.


----------



## BlindingLight7

texshred777 said:


> I'm not implying anything or assuming anything, let me start with that.
> 
> Did she have a reason to believe you weren't honest with her. Have you been caught lying(or in a situation where the truth seemed unlikely)?
> 
> *Does she have previous history with being lied to a lot or any abandonment issues? What about her family of origin? Any daddy issues or broken home? *Those things can often make people either self sabotage or look for excuses to find an out.



"Unwanted by family"
step dad Abused her
constantly lied to even by her twin sister

So yeah, I "little" trust issue. other than that no way, she would constantly text me, if I didn't text back right away shed freak out (not literally). so I know she loved me or whatever you to call it. I just think she lets stuff get to her head waaaayyy too easy


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Id give it a few days mate.. Let her think stuff over, then go explain you side of the story, but calmly without having a go at her.. If she loves you shel realise she made a mistake..


----------



## flint757

If she texts all the time just to make sure you aren't up to no good (the usual motive) then your situation is doomed to repeat. Not trying to be a prick just being honest. You'll have to always be on your toes to avoid her feeling like you broke her trust. I mean like you said she took a strangers word over yours. She did this because she is looking for a problem. Your options are to convince her to take you back and deal with it or just move on.

As for your assumption of love, clingy does not equal love.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

^ wise words, my ex did exactly this


----------



## texshred777

BlindingLight7 said:


> "Unwanted by family"
> step dad Abused her
> constantly lied to even by her twin sister
> 
> So yeah, I "little" trust issue. other than that no way, she would constantly text me, if I didn't text back right away shed freak out (not literally). so I know she loved me or whatever you to call it. I just think she lets stuff get to her head waaaayyy too easy



The best ting I can say is she needs to seek therapy. She has what can only be described as a profound trauma history. She needs help that only a professional can offer. I agree with Flint, if she doesn't get help with those issues shell likely never be able to have fulfilling relationships, and will sabotage the ones that have potential. Clingy doesn't equate to love.


----------



## flint757




----------



## texshred777

^^

Apparently Sir was too nice to apply for the position and finished last.


----------



## Gothic Headhunter

Here's another one, different view though

http://www.ufunk.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/friend-zone-job-interview.jpg


----------



## flint757

Link seems to not be working^^^


----------



## Gothic Headhunter

Works for me, but just in case
http://www.ufunk.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/friend-zone-job-interview.jpg


----------



## flint757

This is what I see.


----------



## zakattak192

I'm seeing Biohazard, Cro-Mags, The Casualties, Vision of Disorder, Vehement and a bunch of other bands this weekend... with a GIRL. Hopefully it goes well. Dunno if it's a date. But we both have a mutual love for punk. Soooooooooo, yeah.

Still really pissed that D.R.I. dropped off the bill :\


----------



## Gothic Headhunter

Try this
Being in friend zone


----------



## flint757

Haha yeah honestly they both have a grain of truth. In one instance it is the chaser and the other the non-committer (both leading to the supposed friend zone), but in either it is best just to walk away or go all in.

I got stuck in the 'friend zone' once, told her how I felt and she wasn't able to reciprocate so I tried to just be a friend. It was too hard so i walked away and my life has been stress free (as far as girl drama goes, college still blows ) ever since.

Other than the fact that each individual has control over their own actions, I agree the friend zone is not made up of the same group of people. There are a diverse set of reasons why someone could end up in such a situation, people just need to remember they have control.


----------



## MF_Kitten

I'm still married. Yup. Pretty sweet stuff!


----------



## JosephAOI

Long distance sucks 

Even fucking worse when neither of you can drive.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I name my guitars girl names...


----------



## Genome

Konfyouzd said:


> I name my guitars girl names...



I do this, and also name my amps but with male names.

My Axe FX is called Alfred, my Mark V was called... well, you can probably figure that one out. 

My bandmates called my Orange a "Ginger". He preferred to be called Strawberry Blonde.


----------



## MFB

My Mark III was named "Marky Mark" which I suppose made my guitar herd "The Funky Bunch"


----------



## zakattak192

Aaaaaaand, the girl I was supposed to go with is sick and her school won't let her leave.

So I'm not going.


----------



## Atomshipped

Met a nice girl today. She's pretty and hilarious and we clicked. Hmm


----------



## Atomshipped

Looks like she's in a relationship. Hrmph


----------



## frogunrua

I asked my girlfriend of a year and 9 months to marry me tonight. She said yes!


----------



## Kiwimetal101

^ Congrads man!


----------



## frogunrua

Kiwimetal101 said:


> ^ Congrads man!



Thanks man, it is definitely a great feeling.


----------



## Brill

Bah... Im having weird feelings towards my friend.. She is always nice to me. Ive never seen her before.. She was friends with my ex. And has been here for me. But i cant help but want to say 'i love you'... Its akward because she is a lesbian and has a girlfriend already... Its really akward talking to her.


----------



## -42-

Loxodrome said:


> Ive never seen her before..


If you mean she's an online friend that you've never met before, drop it immediately. There's nothing to be found there, trust me on this one.


----------



## Atomshipped

You've never seen or met her before, she's friends with your ex, it's awkward talking to her, and she has a girlfriend? Run far away


----------



## MFB

Atomshipped said:


> You've never seen or met her before, she's friends with your ex, it's awkward talking to her, and she has a girlfriend? Run far away



What? That's the worst advice you could give him. 

She sounds perfect and this couldn't be a more ideal situation, go for it man, surely nothing can go wrong. Absolutely _nothing_.



Spoiler



Minus the whole ya know, LESBIAN thing


----------



## Brill

MFB said:


> What? That's the worst advice you could give him.
> 
> She sounds perfect and this couldn't be a more ideal situation, go for it man, surely nothing can go wrong. Absolutely _nothing_.
> 
> 
> 
> Spoiler
> 
> 
> 
> Minus the whole ya know, LESBIAN thing


Also you know the whole.. She has a girlfriend thing.. Lesbians are the nicest and hottest people too. She also has sent me pictures of herswlf.. And man is she hot.
Also.. Are you being sarcastic?


----------



## frogunrua

My cousin is a lesbian, so I've met a lot of other lesbians. None of them have gone back to men afik.


----------



## Brill

frogunrua said:


> My cousin is a lesbian, so I've met a lot of other lesbians. None of them have gone back to men afik.


My ex did.. Just for me.. And now she is back to women...


----------



## tacotiklah

My bf and I are trying to patch things up and I got to see him again for the first time in a while. Went to Outback for dinner to celebrate me getting my ticket dismissed and then got some. Even better I wore this awesome dress I got for my birthday and he said I look stunning. I'm pretty amazed that he went from hating me being trans to being so accepting of it.


----------



## MFB

Loxodrome said:


> Also you know the whole.. She has a girlfriend thing.. Lesbians are the nicest and hottest people too. She also has sent me pictures of herswlf.. And man is she hot.
> Also.. Are you being sarcastic?



Yes, 100% because of how terribly obvious it sounds just from the description how it would go. Everything you said was called a "red flag" aka "FUCK NO"s as I call them; what you've got to do is basically make a list of red flags to green flags, and of the things you mentioned, she has one green flag: a vagina, which is currently being used by other women and not men so it's more like a gray flag. It's there but of no use to your cause, so no, don't go for it.

At all.


----------



## -42-

Loxodrome said:


> Also you know the whole.. She has a girlfriend thing.. Lesbians are the nicest and hottest people too. She also has sent me pictures of herswlf.. And man is she hot.


No. Don't do this. 100% chance it will end awfully.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Going after a girl you know is bad news just because she's easy on the eyes is a fool proof recipe for disaster...


----------



## JosephAOI

I dunno guys, I think he should go for it.

It sounds like she's testing his love for her. (´&#65381;&#969;&#65381;`)


----------



## Varcolac

Konfyouzd said:


> Going after a girl you know is bad news just because she's easy on the eyes is a fool proof recipe for disaster...



Going after a girl you know who's not even into guys is a recipe for hilarity. I smell a romantic comedy. Kind of, like, Judd Apatow sort of rubbish half-baked thing where he becomes her beard for Thanksgiving to fool her grandparents or something and they have zany adventures. 43% on Rotten Tomatoes.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I'd go see it.


----------



## tacotiklah

MFB said:


> Yes, 100% because of how terribly obvious it sounds just from the description how it would go. Everything you said was called a "red flag" aka "FUCK NO"s as I call them; what you've got to do is basically make a list of red flags to green flags, and of the things you mentioned, she has one green flag: a vagina, which is currently being used by other women and not men so it's more like a gray flag. It's there but of no use to your cause, so no, don't go for it.
> 
> At all.



This. Lesbians don't even like guys, so it's pointless to try and "convert" them because all it does is make you look like an asshole. The ones that are "open" to sleeping with guys are bisexual, not lesbian. While nothing wrong with that, understand that even the very few homoflexible women I've come across are very picky about what guy they would sleep with. It's a headache, and a nasty one at that. Best to just go after a girl that likes guys.


----------



## Zoosadist

SevenStringSam said:


> my girlfriend is huge in theatre and just got a part where she has to kiss another guy. so what the hell do i do. i know its gunna eat away at me. so what now?



It won't ever go away even if it's 100 years later. There'll aways be little obscure reminders. Just don't do something extreme, if you leave a trace. Muahhh.


----------



## flint757

The OP is 2 years old dude, we have moved on. 

This is now everyone's relationship woes thread...


----------



## Fiction

What do we think about dating someone you work with? I work in a kitchen with 7 people employed, and every shift bar one I work with this girl doing the same stuff, so I spend the whole shift with her, so could be awkward if it doesn't work out haha, just weighing my options at the moment


----------



## MFB

flint757 said:


> The OP is 2 years old dude, we have moved on.
> 
> This is now everyone's relationship woes thread...



Imagine if he was still hung up on it though?  Each time she does a play she comes off with a new bouquet of flowers, "Oh what do we have HERE! Another bouquet from some NEW boyfriend?!" And she has to explain that she's a performer and he never gets it, always ending arguments with "I don't even know what theater IS!" then flips a table and walks off.


----------



## MFB

Fiction said:


> What do we think about dating someone you work with? I work in a kitchen with 7 people employed, and every shift bar one I work with this girl doing the same stuff, so I spend the whole shift with her, so could be awkward if it doesn't work out haha, just weighing my options at the moment



I think if you both act professional in the workplace and don't cause any issues with requesting same days off then why not? I know when I went in for my interview this girl smiled at me a couple of times and she looked nice, so I'll know be working with her and I'd say the exact same thing if it became an issue for me.

Usually it only becomes an issue if it's an employee/boss relation


----------



## texshred777

^^
That, and being mature enough to handle it if/when things turn sour. Some people just can't handle rejection(and any of the other issues that go with a breakup), and it can be a very ugly situation when you have to be around someone and things aren't handled well.


----------



## Kidneythief

Spent the weekend again with the girl I'm having a "relationship" with. It's not that serious yet, but the time spent with her is quite perfect, and better then the last 1,5 years of being alone. I guess I'll just sit back and see where this will go but still. I'm happy...too bad she's got a lot of stuff going on at university, that way we can't spend that much time together as we'd like to.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Can't believe this got pushed to page 3...Where's the drama, SSO? 

I'm just here to say I have hopes for my own lovelife. That's all.


----------



## Murmel

I just realised I'm a complete asshole.

I start hating people for no reason other than being jealous as shit on them. I thought I was better than this, apparently not, I'm just another dick in the wall.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Murmel said:


> I just realised I'm a complete asshole.
> 
> I start hating people for no reason other than being jealous as shit on them. I thought I was better than this, apparently not, I'm just another dick in the wall.


A dick in the wall... Naw, sorry, already been done in pornos.


----------



## Murmel

Right now I wish a porn kind of dick, at least they get to enter assholes. Not become one.


----------



## MFB

There's a stupid amount of hot chicks that come through my new work, it's fantastic


----------



## jwade

Loxodrome said:


> Bah... Im having weird feelings towards my friend.. She is always nice to me. *Ive never seen her before*.. She was friends with my ex. And has been here for me. *But i cant help but want to say 'i love you'...* Its akward because she is a lesbian and has a girlfriend already... Its really akward talking to her.




um...confused over here. you think you love someone you've never seen/met? more details needed, yo.


----------



## Brill

jwade said:


> um...confused over here. you think you love someone you've never seen/met? more details needed, yo.



She is always there for me in a crisis.. And really is the only person who put ups with me...


----------



## jwade

see, that isn't giving details, at all. that's just more vaguery that doesn't really explain anything whatsoever.

you say 'love' yet you've 'never seen' this person. what are you talking about here? someone you met online and talk to via instant messaging programs/texts/phone calls?


----------



## -42-

Loxodrome said:


> She is always there for me in a crisis.. And really is the only person who put ups with me...


That doesn't mean she's a saint, just that you have shitty friends.


----------



## Brill

-42- said:


> That doesn't mean she's a saint, just that you have shitty friends.



No friends actually.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Met a german girl a week or two ago... she's going back to australia with her host family about now... 
Got a goodbye kiss last night, but man the first beautiful non psycho girl I meet that actually might be interested doesn't even live here!... FUCK!


----------



## Fiction

She's mine now, kiwi.

Muahaha....ha.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Mate there will be a trans-tasman battle for her...


----------



## Fiction

I'll round up my crew and start preparing the ship, we fight at dawn.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Great barrier reef... No tridents allowed, we don't want brick killing again..


----------



## Church2224

We have a relationship thread, how about a thread/ support group for those of us who are single either by choice or "other reasons"?


----------



## Nile

Doesn't that fall under the same category?


----------



## MFB

Not gonna lie, this either comes off as bosting that we don't need women or people are going to complain that they can't get women so they're "forever alone."

It's like having Atheists having a magazine, how many times can you say "Yup, still single and loving it" before the thread seems incredibly boring?


----------



## Church2224

MFB said:


> Not gonna lie, this either comes off as bosting that we don't need women or people are going to complain that they can't get women so they're "forever alone."
> 
> It's like having Atheists having a magazine, how many times can you say "Yup, still single and loving it" before the thread seems incredibly boring?



I did not think of that...


Never mind then.


----------



## Overtone

tell that to five eight forums! 

don't stress if you're young. Just remember that eventually later down the road when you do end up with that special somebody, you'll be lucky to have a few hours a week to jam out! Enjoy your freedom while it lasts! I think the Al Bundy phase of my life is just around the corner.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

I'm engaged to my boyfriend...thought I'd mention that...


----------



## MFB

Hmmm, boyfriend? That would imply a ...RELATIONSHIP, like the ones the other thread pertains to!


----------



## tacotiklah

I wouldn't call what I have a relationship. Mainly because if anyone sees me in this basement, they'll call the fuckin' cops.


----------



## ASoC

Have no desire to get tied down. 

I find myself looking at girls at school and thinking "shes cute enough to smang if the opportunity arises, but I'm too lazy to make any sort of effort"

Just not feeling like I care enough


----------



## Bigfan

I just avoid making an effort out of a fear of rejection.

Yay!


----------



## JP Universe

Got dumped about 6 months ago now?? Since then been tapping fat bitches and buying guitars....


----------



## tacotiklah

Seriously though, my bf and I have this weird on-again, off-again thing that I'm not a fan of. I may as well be single. But on the brighter side, at least he has come to terms with me being a woman, and not a dude. In fact, he actually enjoys that part of me more now.


----------



## Curt

That is some good and some bad. But at least there IS a bright side.

I have been single for 10 months now, by choice. Sort of.

Started by 3 consecutive relationships ending with me being cheated on, and one in which I had been cheated on with me finding out first-hand. Ruined my outlook on relationships tbh. Not that I buy into the perfect relationship mumbo jumbo anyway.


Just got sick of it. Thoroughly convinced it is of every fault of my own, however.


----------



## Breakdown

The reason I am not pursuing a relationship is a mix of both fear of rejection and selfishness. I know Im not an attractive dude (and I don't say that with any negativity) and I also get nervous whenever I have to talk to an attractive lady. But another reason, and this is my biggest reason for not wanting to be in a relationship, is that I know relationships come with a lot of stress. All of my friends have GF's one was always fighting with her over the phone, another is annoyed at her constant texting and the other is always getting pregnancy scares which she possibly makes up to see his reaction. Not to mention how much money it costs to go out on dates.


----------



## død

Breakdown said:


> The reason I am not pursuing a relationship is a mix of both fear of rejection and selfishness. I know Im not an attractive dude (and I don't say that with any negativity) and I also get nervous whenever I have to talk to an attractive lady. But another reason, and this is my biggest reason for not wanting to be in a relationship, is that I know relationships come with a lot of stress. All of my friends have GF's one was always fighting with her over the phone, another is annoyed at her constant texting and the other is always getting pregnancy scares which she possibly makes up to see his reaction. Not to mention how much money it costs to go out on dates.



Sounds like your friends go out with shitty girls. I have not ever had any of those annoyances with any girls I've been with.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Breakdown said:


> The reason I am not pursuing a relationship is a mix of both fear of rejection and selfishness. I know Im not an attractive dude (and I don't say that with any negativity) and I also get nervous whenever I have to talk to an attractive lady. But another reason, and this is my biggest reason for not wanting to be in a relationship, is that I know relationships come with a lot of stress. All of my friends have GF's one was always fighting with her over the phone, another is annoyed at her constant texting and the other is always getting pregnancy scares which she possibly makes up to see his reaction. Not to mention how much money it costs to go out on dates.



See if chicks were doing something like that to me or my mates they would be told to get fucked pretty quickly... You need to be a real friend and tell them its not on mate...


----------



## tm20

Breakdown said:


> The reason I am not pursuing a relationship is a mix of both fear of rejection and selfishness. I know Im not an attractive dude (and I don't say that with any negativity) and I also get nervous whenever I have to talk to an attractive lady. But another reason, and this is my biggest reason for not wanting to be in a relationship, is that I know relationships come with a lot of stress. All of my friends have GF's one was always fighting with her over the phone, another is annoyed at her constant texting and the other is always getting pregnancy scares which she possibly makes up to see his reaction. Not to mention how much money it costs to go out on dates.



well atleast you still see your friends. ever since some of my friends got into a relationship they are never there for their homies  why does it have to be gf>friends, can't we all hang out together? i also don't like the "i'm too good to hang out with you guys attitude" that one of my "friends" has got himself into (been like that for years now, i never see him though so i don't even consider him a friend anymore). hanging out with girls is fun and is good for developing social skills but if that's what happens as a result of a relationship (not to mention the $ you'll be spending) then fuck that


----------



## Breakdown

Kiwimetal101 said:


> See if chicks were doing something like that to me or my mates they would be told to get fucked pretty quickly... You need to be a real friend and tell them its not on mate...



The thing is that they know. My friend himself told us that he thought his GF only told him about her "missed" periods to see how he would react. But he likes to swim in her pool so he overlooks it. The other one wont listen to reason. His GF is at uni on a scholarship 17 hours away while he dropped out of school, lost his job and he still doesnt see that his relationship isn't convenient to him. He is still holding on to the hope of moving to were she lives not factoring in the major holidays &3 months of summer when she wont be at the college and the fact that the job that he would need to have to live over there most likely wouldnt allow for such extended vacation time.


----------



## kerska

Oh wise SSrg...I call upon your relationship advice once more 

Hahaha so anyways...I've been dating this chick for a few weeks and things are cool. Our interests are on opposite sides of the spectrum, but we're very much alike personality wise. We haven't really been physical aside from a kiss goodnight a couple times but I dig her, she digs me and it's awesome right? Well...

...thing is this chic just split from her husband (she's 24) at the beginning of this year. I don't know all the details entirely other than he left her to "pursue his career", tried coming back to her and she shot him down and said no. They were together for about 5 years or so and I'm under the impression that was her first real boyfriend. We share mutual friends that have kinda filled me in on the situation. Well Saturday night we we're chatting on Skype and she brought up a conversation that is throwing me off. Pretty much it was her saying she really likes me, and she really likes hanging out with me, but I shouldn't wait for her. She doesn't know when she's gonna be ready for something serious because she's new to this dating thing and just doesn't know how to go about things, and that the situation with her ex is just a big mess. She said she feels selfish about all of it because she doesn't want me to go away, but she doesn't want me to sit around and wait for her to be ready for something. My reply to all of this was just that it's cool and I get where she's coming from, and I told her at no point am I ever going to be pushy or expect something to happen. I mean I genuinely enjoy her company and we always have a good time together. I'm just feeling conflicted. I don't want to not hang with her, but I also don't want to get strung along and then end up hurting at the end asking myself why I stuck around. 

I just don't know if anyone ever dealt with a similar situation. Part of me is running with the "it takes someone to get over someone" and the other part of me is like "GTFO", and when I'm feeling GTFO and not really speaking to her much, she starts texting me and calling me and it's just really tough for me to turn her away.


----------



## flint757

Honestly one of 2 approaches might work and they are polar opposites. You can ignore her until she just wants you back in her life or make something happen. She very well could not be ready, but it also could be that she is just scared and need an extra push which you'd have to deliver.


----------



## Stealthdjentstic

Just show up to her house with a giant strapon.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Im with Flint^... Give it a couple of weeks of just casual contact like you are, then put it all out there.. Then she'l either leave or jump yah bones right then and there..


----------



## glassmoon0fo

kerska said:


> Oh wise SSrg...I call upon your relationship advice once more
> 
> Hahaha so anyways...I've been dating this chick for a few weeks and things are cool. Our interests are on opposite sides of the spectrum, but we're very much alike personality wise. We haven't really been physical aside from a kiss goodnight a couple times but I dig her, she digs me and it's awesome right? Well...
> 
> ...thing is this chic just split from her husband (she's 24) at the beginning of this year. I don't know all the details entirely other than he left her to "pursue his career", tried coming back to her and she shot him down and said no. They were together for about 5 years or so and I'm under the impression that was her first real boyfriend. We share mutual friends that have kinda filled me in on the situation. Well Saturday night we we're chatting on Skype and she brought up a conversation that is throwing me off. Pretty much it was her saying she really likes me, and she really likes hanging out with me, but I shouldn't wait for her. She doesn't know when she's gonna be ready for something serious because she's new to this dating thing and just doesn't know how to go about things, and that the situation with her ex is just a big mess. She said she feels selfish about all of it because she doesn't want me to go away, but she doesn't want me to sit around and wait for her to be ready for something. My reply to all of this was just that it's cool and I get where she's coming from, and I told her at no point am I ever going to be pushy or expect something to happen. I mean I genuinely enjoy her company and we always have a good time together. I'm just feeling conflicted. I don't want to not hang with her, but I also don't want to get strung along and then end up hurting at the end asking myself why I stuck around.
> 
> I just don't know if anyone ever dealt with a similar situation. Part of me is running with the "it takes someone to get over someone" and the other part of me is like "GTFO", and when I'm feeling GTFO and not really speaking to her much, she starts texting me and calling me and it's just really tough for me to turn her away.


 
This could suck. In my experience, every woman goes through a period in her life where she just kinda wants to be free and try new things until she finds what she likes. If she shot her ex husband down, she won't be getting back with him, I can almost promise you that. But what would worry me is that she wants you THERE, just not ALL THE WAY there. Girls in that phase of their life did that to me when I was a younger cat, and it usually meant that they found a good guy but they arent done looking around yet. 

Good news is, there's hope for you yet. Notice how when you don't call, she calls you? That's you keeping your power in the relationship and it's not at all manipulative to do so, in fact, women appreciate men for that kind of thing, it shows confidence and lack of needyness. I say, if she's keeping her options open, you do the same, and don't just act like you are, actually do it. Go out with friends without her, let her go out with hers. If she's going to keep you at arm's length, you cant really do anything about it, but you CAN make her think about you and how much you mean to her more often. And when she calls you to meet up, take every chance you can to blow her mind and be the best man she's ever met. Good luck champ!


----------



## kerska

glassmoon0fo said:


> Good news is, there's hope for you yet. Notice how when you don't call, she calls you? That's you keeping your power in the relationship and it's not at all manipulative to do so, in fact, women appreciate men for that kind of thing, it shows confidence and lack of needyness. I say, if she's keeping her options open, you do the same, and don't just act like you are, actually do it. Go out with friends without her, let her go out with hers. If she's going to keep you at arm's length, you cant really do anything about it, but you CAN make her think about you and how much you mean to her more often. And when she calls you to meet up, take every chance you can to blow her mind and be the best man she's ever met. Good luck champ!


 
And this is exactly how I'm playing it. Making sure she knows I'm interested, but kinda playing it from the sidelines. Our schedules clash really bad so we get to hang out maybe once a week if even that, and I may text her a couple times a week but like I said, if I don't she's getting in touch with me.

But yeah I guess you guys are right that I can't really do much else but just ride it out and see what happens. I just gotta keep in mind the whole situation and not let myself get all caught up in it if it starts getting bad.


----------



## ZEBOV

I think this belongs here.
http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/off-topic/216513-i-lovvve-u-allll.html


----------



## Cynic

is woman shopping through the facebook catalogue doing it right or?


----------



## tm20

^i believe that's called stalking  (but don't we all do it?)


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Cynic said:


> is woman shopping through the facebook catalogue doing it right or?



I've personally avoided doing that sort of thing, for a couple of reasons.

Look at it this way: It's the same thing as approaching a woman at a bar or anywhere else in public, but without the possibility of being humiliated in front of others. That means women probably get approached by more men, and in more tactless manners since they have a computer to hide behind. So if you're messaging some girl you've never met before, you can bet other guys have messaged her before as well. You may be lumped into the pile of tactless idiots with the rest of them right off the bat.

People also communicate differently over the internet. Some people, like I mentioned, can be more ballsy. Some, on the other hand, like myself, have a problem with actually communicating fully and properly over the internet or text message. I've known for a long time that if I want to make a good impression, face-to-face is the way to go. Just knowing how easy it is to feign sincerity and be suave through a more impersonal means of communication makes me not even want to try because I don't want to be unfairly perceived as "one of those guys".


----------



## Cynic

i was half joking, but shit i just can't meet any fucking people anymore.


----------



## BlindingLight7

I have many girl friends.

But no Girlfriend.

I need a Girlfriend. 

Sadface.


----------



## Brill

Cynic said:


> i was half joking, but shit i just can't meet any fucking people anymore.



I know the feeling. People are so unintresting these days.


----------



## kerska

So I posted about this same chick not too long ago, and honestly I'm thinking way too much. In my previous post you'll see I was talking about how this girl I've been seeing is recently divorced and was telling me how she really likes me but doesn't want to get into anything too serious just yet.

Well pretty much tonight she had a party with a few friends at her place. I went and hung out and it was just casual hang out with mutual friends. I don't drink at all, but she had quite a bit of wine and actually got quite drunk. So next thing I know, she's pulling me into her bedroom and is just on me and we're making out and what not, but I stopped. Honestly I was starting to feel really guilty because I knew if it kept up we were going to have sex. I really fucking like this girl. A lot. And as much as I wanted to, I knew that if I did tomorrow would probably be a little bit awkward because I felt like I was taking advantage because she was drunk. So we ended up just kinda snuggled up and me taking care of her because she was feeling a bit sick and what not, and after a while I decided I should just probably tuck her into bed and head home to avoid any possibility of me just saying fuck it and doing the deed, and to try to avoid awkwardness in the morning if she wakes up sober next to me and is all of a sudden freaking out.

Well now I feel like a major idiot and can't sleep over this shit. In all reality I know she probably isn't going to remember much of any of this happening because she has a very low tolerance for alcohol, but there I was. In bed with a gorgeous girl who I'm falling for. And I can't help feeling like I might have messed things up, but I'm also feeling like I did the right thing. I'm dreading tomorrow when she comes to because she's either going to think "wow he cares about me", or she's going to think things are awkward because of what happened. All she kept saying was "When I'm sober I think too much," and implying that her thinking too much is keeping her from letting me get too close. I can't get that out of my head because I don't want her to think I feel negatively towards her because of this, but I know that was her saying that because she was drunk.

I know the answer is to just wait til tomorrow and call her or meet up and talk, but I just really needed to get this shit off of my chest to try to get some sleep.


----------



## flint757

Only she can give you that answer and it can definitely still work out (especially if she is fresh with relationships and what not), but in my experience what you did could have very well friend zoned yourself. Did the same thing at a party once and while things never went completely in the friend zone the horse didn't get much further in that race. I'd say wait until tomorrow, meet up with her and just man up about your feelings/position. She clearly has feelings for you on some level and if you back off now she may never try to get close to you ever again. Could be wrong though...

Ultimately make the decision yourself as I don't feel like being liable.


----------



## Metal_Webb

@Kerska You did the same thing I would mate. Taking the sensible, let's-not-take-advantage-of-drunk-friend, approach will probably be for the best in the long run.


----------



## kerska

Yeah and I'm gonna lay it all out there. Just gonna tell her I really like her, but there's no way I could do it and not feel guilty about it afterwards and I'm just gonna bring up the fact that last week she was telling me not to wait for her and that she doesn't know when she'll be ready because honestly at this point I'm really confused. I mean I guess I could have just stayed the night, but none of it felt right because of that conversation last week and we also hung out the night before and nothing like this had happened.

EDIT: Jesus I'm writing in massive run on sentences.


----------



## flint757

Well not sleeping with her was probably the morally right choice for sure. Don't know if staying the night would make a difference, depends on how much she remembered the next day. Just talk to her about it all, but just be aware the conversation may not go as you hope it will. The conversation should be had nonetheless though.


----------



## texshred777

This is a tough one honestly. 

She did right by you by telling you up front that she's not ready for something serious, and not to wait on her. I can tell you, going through a divorce myself it's a whole mess of things to deal with. Someone going through that is rarely in a position to be of any good to someone else-at least in a meaningful way. Even if it was a horrible relationship and she's good to be free from it it's still a lot to deal with. She needs time to grieve the loss(death) of her marriage and all that it encompasses.

You can have the talk with her, but you need to be realistic in your expectations of how that conversation will go. If you can't be around her because it's too painful then that's an understandable thing. Tell her you'd be happy to try something with her when she's in a better position and ready, but don't wait around for her.


----------



## Stealthtastic

Girls are fucking dumb. I hate them all.


----------



## JosephAOI

I feel like every woman either hates me or is annoyed by me :/


----------



## kerska

Welp....

Things turned out in my favor. She remembered all of her actions, just not some minor details and actually was just really happy I didn't take advantage of her. She texted me the next morning kind of apologizing because it was out of character for her to pounce on me like that, but I ended up taking her to lunch and she invited me over and we kinda just spent the day together. 

I just played it all off in the "well I definitely wasn't complaining about you doing that, but I wasn't gonna do something I don't think you would do sober," so if anything I think it made me look better in her eyes. I know she may not be ready for something absolutely "serious" for a while, but shit we like each other so I'm gonna stick it out and see what happens.


----------



## leandroab

Gave up on relationships. I'm focusing entirely on myself now. Sad, but that's what I think is best for my mental sanity as of now.


----------



## texshred777

@Kerska

Sounds great. I forgot to mention in my post you absolutely did the right thing by not sleeping with her when she's drunk. I'm sure it does make you look good in her eyes. I wouldn't even worry about categorizing anything, as far as "serious" or not. Just go with it until things change(for better or worse). 

@Leandrob
There's not a thing wrong with that. Focusing on yourself and getting yourself right without needing someone else is healthy. Too many people are dependent on others to make them happy or fulfilled. That said, I'd be open to what life throws at you. Never know..


----------



## leandroab

texshred777 said:


> @Leandrob
> There's not a thing wrong with that. Focusing on yourself and getting yourself right without needing someone else is healthy. Too many people are dependent on others to make them happy or fulfilled. That said, I'd be open to what life throws at you. Never know..


 
I really wanted a relationship. I felt like it was the missing piece in my life to "complete my happiness pie-chart" if you actually know what the fuck I'm trying to say.

Well I tried a lot, but, as always, a series of unfortunate events and bad luck would always lead me to failed attemps or "almost" scenarios. Well now that window has closed as I'm giving up for now. Maybe sometime in the future I'll have some luck.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

That's a good route to take man. No relationship will solve all your problems or anything like that, as a matter of fact I feel it's best to get the rest of your life handled and on the best track or a relationship could be more of an issue than a blessing. On top of that, when you're OK with being on your because your own life is so damn awesome, that's when the best girls (or guys...I don't know you ) will find you and want to come along for the ride. Do it big man!


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Got played. Pissed off and feeling like an asshole for wasting my fucking time.


----------



## ASoC

JeffFromMtl said:


> Got played. Pissed off and feeling like an asshole for wasting my fucking time.



Happens to the best of us, there isn't much you can do about it.

Hope you feel better soon, man


----------



## flavenstein

Just got friend-zoned tonight


----------



## Thrashmanzac

^ did you make it clear that you were looking for a relationship, not a friendship? and if you are one of those guys that agrees to be friends with a girl while secretly harboring feelings for her, waiting for a time to try to "trick" her into liking you. then good luck with that. as someone that has a few close girl friends, i have sympathy for guys that get "friendzoned". if friends isn't enough for you then grow some balls and tell her.


----------



## flavenstein

Actually it was pretty cut and dried. Here is a summary of said encounter:

Me: "Date me."
Her: "Just friends?"
Me: "Bye."


----------



## Thrashmanzac

^ good job then.


----------



## ASoC

Ok SSO, lets see if you can help me again:

I'm at a weird place in my life as far as women are concerned. So this all started about 9 months ago (crazy coincidence), back then I was beating women back with a stick. It seemed like everyone wanted a piece of this action. So then, I cut all ties with the girl I had been "with" and went to NorCal for Drum Corps.

I kept to myself for most of the season, until the last couple of weeks, where I noticed sparks were flying between me and a female member of the corp. Well it seems as if things are going to go great until, boom. She currently has a gf. Ok, not a problem, I'll just keep up communication and hopefully, when the time is right, she's still interested. So, the season ends and she stays in NorCal and I return home to SoCal. We slowly start talking less and less (I assure you, this is all her, nothing about how often I talked to her changed). It's to the point where we haven't spoken in a while (and I have tried). So I've pretty much given up on that one.

Now, I have this thing where I see cute girls (or I already know them and have always found them attractive) and I consider trying my luck, but then my brain intervenes and tells me not to bother. Nothing has been going my way, why would this?

So here's what I'm asking: Does anyone have any advice to help me get out of this apathetic funk?

Things to consider:

I'm fine with being single
I don't need someone else to be happy
Lonliness isn't what's bothering me
I just don't like the fact that I won't let myself give the thought of women more than a passing consideration


----------



## Thrashmanzac

you mean a lesbian wasn't interested in you so you feel why would any girl be interested in you?


----------



## ASoC

Thrashmanzac said:


> you mean a lesbian wasn't interested in you so you feel why would any girl be interested in you?



She was Bi and she was interested, the timing was just off

I said sparks flew, implying that both parties were interested


----------



## Fiction

In his defense it did seem like she was lesbian from the get go, and you just assumed sparks were flying.


----------



## Stealthdjentstic

Whatsup with so many sso members dating bi girls and trying to date lesbians?


----------



## rythmic_pulses

It's been several months now I've been out of a relationship, she ended it because she felt that she needed to look after herself for once and has gone off sex completely (Though I doubt that'll last), I'm still kinda bummed I guess but me and the ex are still good friends, anyways, she says to me yesterday evening "You need to go out and have fun with other girls for once instead of moping around all day, just get it over and done with or you'll be upset about our breakup forever, and I don't want you to be upset and alone".

The truth is, I've never really had any sex that was with strangers or one night stands, it was always a relationship thing to me and 2 ex's down the line, I'm starting to give up with the idea of trying to get with anymore girls, I haven't any friends to go out with anymore and I always end up drinking by myself and it's really lonely, I know I'm 21 and I should be going off with women and having fun, but my brain keeps telling me "no, don't bother" because somewhere deep inside of me, I feel that it would just make me feel worse than I already do and because it would have no meaning, plus, I don't want to ever feel like I did when my ex's dumped me again....

I really don't know what to do anymore when it comes to women, seriously, it all feels really hopeless. 

I think I sound like a real idiot....


----------



## Fiction

Stealthdjentstic said:


> Whatsup with so many sso members dating bi girls and trying to date lesbians?



Hardcore mode


----------



## will_shred

I'm pretty discontent with my love life. My girlfriend is one of the most boring people in the world. I partly have stayed with her for a very long time because i'd feel very gulity if I left her, shes kind of crazy about me.


----------



## renzoip

Stealthdjentstic said:


> Whatsup with so many sso members dating bi girls and trying to date lesbians?



Well, it's not like we all deliberately try going for bi girls and lesbians. At least here in my area, 80% of women under 35 who date guys are either bi, bi-curious, or straight but have done stuff with other women. And interestingly enough, no bi girl that I've talked to would consider dating a bi guy at all.

Do you think this is this a double standard? Are there fundamental differences between bi guys and bi girls? Just curios, I'm not actually bi.


----------



## Mexi

love life is pretty non-existent at this point, then again, so is my social life. after graduation, most of my friends either moved away or have just "moved on" with their own lives and naturally, friendships that aren't maintained by both parties just fade away. In the end, I began to feel comfortable in that sort of solitary life, not that I particularly enjoyed it, but it didn't seen bad enough to really want to change. But in the past year or so, that has changed with family members being affected by anxiety/depression, it sorta made me take stock of my own life right now. I'm pretty sure theres a number of anxiety issues at work that has hindered my gusto for getting "out there" so I'm seeing a counsellor about that and just to better figure myself out before I get more proactive in regaining some kind of love life

I'm back at school now, getting a few courses in for maybe going to grad school (though I'm seeing a career counsellor for fleshing out more of a plan) but not knowing anyone makes the social aspect kind of depressing. I've joined some clubs and gone to some events and trying to meet more people, but it's not the easiest thing. It's strange because I used to be really outgoing and sociable in high school, but prolonged social isolation (2 or so years in this case) can really affect your ability to actually meet people and develop meaningful relationships it seems.

so for rythmic pulses and others in this thread that have posted with some sort of feeling of hopelessness in their love lives/personal lives, I really suggest talking to someone about all that, get it out there and try to take a step back and process those thoughts so that you're in a better position to address the issues instead of wallowing in self-pity (as I have done for years) It is quite liberating to actually admit certain things to yourself and move on from them, that sense of clarity it brings is usually what people in emotionally vulnerable states need, imo.


----------



## will_shred

rythmic_pulses said:


> It's been several months now I've been out of a relationship, she ended it because she felt that she needed to look after herself for once and has gone off sex completely (Though I doubt that'll last), I'm still kinda bummed I guess but me and the ex are still good friends, anyways, she says to me yesterday evening "You need to go out and have fun with other girls for once instead of moping around all day, just get it over and done with or you'll be upset about our breakup forever, and I don't want you to be upset and alone".
> 
> The truth is, I've never really had any sex that was with strangers or one night stands, it was always a relationship thing to me and 2 ex's down the line, I'm starting to give up with the idea of trying to get with anymore girls, I haven't any friends to go out with anymore and I always end up drinking by myself and it's really lonely, I know I'm 21 and I should be going off with women and having fun, but my brain keeps telling me "no, don't bother" because somewhere deep inside of me, I feel that it would just make me feel worse than I already do and because it would have no meaning, plus, I don't want to ever feel like I did when my ex's dumped me again....
> 
> I really don't know what to do anymore when it comes to women, seriously, it all feels really hopeless.
> 
> I think I sound like a real idiot....


 
wait longer man... I'd probably want to wait til i'm done being sad and am back to being confident before I even try again, even if it took a really really long time.


----------



## ASoC

Fiction said:


> In his defense it did seem like she was lesbian from the get go, and you just assumed sparks were flying.



Ok I'll explain, I had a very long talk with this girl on finals night (which included the discussion of our mutual feelings). Which is when she explained her situation to me. Now, this could have been a nice way of saying no, but I doubt it because we kept talking and skyping and such for a good 2 months on a fairly frequent basis. However, I'm pretty sure she lost interest by now


----------



## Dan_Vacant

I admitted to a girl I have a slight crush on her cause she asked. but I don't really wanna date her, would that be leading some one on? and if adding in she likes me would be helpful she does.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

as I typed ^ that I got a text from her.  signs?


----------



## The Reverend

I'm still ballin', so.....


Yeah. Actually, since September I've been working 50+ hour weeks, with a three-hour round-trip to work and back, so I've been ignoring all the texts and Facebook flirts from girls. If I can't even find time to get on the internet, play guitar, or masturbate, I'm not going to try and deal with making time for a woman. Not happening. 

I also watched this indie movie where Keira Knightley plays a manic-pixie-dream-girl and realized that I am starting to look for a life-partner in potential hookups, and it made me feel odd. Anxious, really. I am slowly aging and maturing, seemingly against my will. Luckily, due to the aforementioned reasons I don't have to worry about my instincts forcing me into marriage before I can truly deal with it, speaking from a rational and practical perspective.


----------



## rythmic_pulses

will_shred said:


> wait longer man... I'd probably want to wait til i'm done being sad and am back to being confident before I even try again, even if it took a really really long time.



It's not that I'm uber sad, I just feel awkward around women at the moment, some people say "Go ahead, It might do you some good" and others say "Don't man, you'll just end up depressed afterwards" so my brain is about to fry and that is what is making me sad and awkward, that decision, if it ended either way, I think I'd feel a bit better, I think.


----------



## JosephAOI

This girl that I've been into for the past year and a half totally just blew me off like a bitch. It feels like every girl that expresses any sort of interest in me is either just trying to be nice or is leading me on. Fucking bitches.


----------



## MFB

JosephAOI said:


> Fucking bitches.



Curse their ability to have feelings of their OWN, what vile temptresses they are!


----------



## JosephAOI

MFB said:


> Curse their ability to have feelings of their OWN, what vile temptresses they are!



Now it should be quite apparent that that's not what I'm trying to say 
Guys get shit for leading girls on too. It just so happens that the few I'm speaking of felt the need to not tell me straight up that they weren't at all interested in me. Got my fucking hopes up for shit nothing.


----------



## flint757

Did they say, "I could maybe see something happening, just not now". That is the ultimate lead on and it definitely is total bullshit.


----------



## Cynic

some girl sent me a message on facebook chat saying "hi c:" She wants the d, correct?


----------



## Bekanor

Cynic said:


> some girl sent me a message on facebook chat saying "hi c:" She wants the d, correct?




There really isn't any other conclusion you could draw from that.


----------



## Cynic

fantastic. maybe i will get it in. maybe.


----------



## CrownofWorms

Gotta give that bitch a doggy treat


bitches love doggy treats


----------



## The Reverend

Off-topic, but: 

I've been saying things like, "What the eff?" and "Ell-Oh-Ell" recently. As well as calling people on the road either 'fucking twats' or 'fucking losers'. So weird. 

On-topic: I'm struggling with a girl that's way out of my league. She's friends with all of my friends, or at least my friends from one part of Houston, but I've only met her once, and we didn't click or anything because I didn't know her and thus did not care. But over time we've developed a strange sort of 'non-friendship' on Facebook. It's like we know each other without really knowing each other, you know? So weird. Fucking internet, what a strange thing.

Anyway, I fully intend to get to know her better, because I have a hankering for her particular brand of singer-songwriter/artist/poet swag, and I just need to figure out a way to make initial contact without coming off as a creeper, even though I am. 

Actually, I'm going to go ahead and just tell her I've been lurking her shit and want to get her number so I can just pester her about the minutiae of her life. Crisis averted, SSO. Thank you.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

One of our 'Mates' tried to make a move on a chick at a party by pulling out his ipod touch and going 'id like to read you some poetry'......... Needless to say she ran a mile and then spent the night with another mate of ours...

Tred carefully man...


----------



## tacotiklah

Well I thought I was possibly gonna get with a girl here soon. Then she informs me that despite her being 19, she still needs her parents permission to do anything at all.

Fuck. That.


----------



## sage

The Reverend said:


> Off-topic, but:
> 
> I've been saying things like, "What the eff?" and "Ell-Oh-Ell" recently. As well as calling people on the road either 'fucking twats' or 'fucking losers'. So weird.
> 
> On-topic: I'm struggling with a girl that's way out of my league. She's friends with all of my friends, or at least my friends from one part of Houston, but I've only met her once, and we didn't click or anything because I didn't know her and thus did not care. But over time we've developed a strange sort of 'non-friendship' on Facebook. It's like we know each other without really knowing each other, you know? So weird. Fucking internet, what a strange thing.
> 
> Anyway, I fully intend to get to know her better, because I have a hankering for her particular brand of singer-songwriter/artist/poet swag, and I just need to figure out a way to make initial contact without coming off as a creeper, even though I am.
> 
> Actually, I'm going to go ahead and just tell her I've been lurking her shit and want to get her number so I can just pester her about the minutiae of her life. Crisis averted, SSO. Thank you.



Or, if you chicken out on that, throw awesome house party and invite her and your mutual friends. Make sure you have extra girl friendly beverages on hand and clean your room.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

^and condoms.


----------



## InfinityCollision

ghstofperdition said:


> Well I thought I was possibly gonna get with a girl here soon. Then she informs me that despite her being 19, she still needs her parents permission to do anything at all.
> 
> Fuck. That.



I can sympathize. Thought I'd be hooking up with someone this week, but she hasn't responded to any communications in a while now. Pretty weird, considering we're coworkers and I'll see her when she gets back in a couple days 

Back out into the wild I go


----------



## texshred777

The Reverend said:


> Off-topic, but:
> 
> I've been saying things like, "What the eff?" and "Ell-Oh-Ell" recently. As well as calling people on the road either 'fucking twats' or 'fucking losers'. So weird.
> 
> On-topic: I'm struggling with a girl that's way out of my league. She's friends with all of my friends, or at least my friends from one part of Houston, but I've only met her once, and we didn't click or anything because I didn't know her and thus did not care. But over time we've developed a strange sort of 'non-friendship' on Facebook. It's like we know each other without really knowing each other, you know? So weird. Fucking internet, what a strange thing.
> 
> Anyway, I fully intend to get to know her better, because I have a hankering for her particular brand of singer-songwriter/artist/poet swag, and I just need to figure out a way to make initial contact without coming off as a creeper, even though I am.
> 
> Actually, I'm going to go ahead and just tell her I've been lurking her shit and want to get her number so I can just pester her about the minutiae of her life. Crisis averted, SSO. Thank you.


 
C'mon Rev, get that "out of my league" stuff out of your head. I doubt you'd come off as a creeper, and she'd likely be flattered if you just ask her out/ask for her number. You may not want to open with "I've been e-stalking you", though.


----------



## Cynic

this girl has a boyfriend, but wants to buy me a ticket for unsilent night and pay for my gas. i don't even know wat2do.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

^take the ticket?


----------



## Cynic

Thrashmanzac said:


> ^take the ticket?



oh for sure. it's a free fucking ticket. lol


----------



## Asrial

Allrighty, I'm back in this thread!

My situation is as following:
I've known this girl since we went in 6th grade or so (final year of gymnasium, right now, I suppose this is equal to college, as next year is uni-time), she's not _the_ prettiest or most popular, but she's got a great personality, intelligent as fuck, sweet/good humor, and is open to a lot of stuff.

Some months ago, I was at one of our mutual friends birthday party, where her freshly broken-up ex also attended. I talked to him about the whole breakup stuff, since I'm her friend and curious about how it all happened, and I get this incredibly long rant about how much he cheated on her with how many different girls, and how much of a bitch and a cocktease she was. Not five minutes after, I find him doing shots of malibu and hitting on 3 200+ lb'er sugarmamas. 

At this point of time, I saw her as a friend only, mind you, but in retrospective, I noted how much time we actually spent together, and noticed I felt jealous every time I though about them being together... Wait, did I just reveal something subconscious here? I didn't know if this was either feeling bad for her having a cheating ex or me realizing I actually have deeper feelings for her. I pondered about that fact for some time, and eventually I played on the latter and currently trying to see where it brings me.

Fast forward to today:
We saw Fear factory and Devin Townsend live last sunday together, we talk almost constantly together after class (and during when one of us got off scedule), skype in the evening/hang out, and I think I'm starting to fall for her for real. I want this to become something, but let's see what time brings.


----------



## JosephAOI

I have a skype date with this gorgeous woman in about an hour and I'm nervous cause holy shit look at her!


----------



## The Reverend

Totally got her number. Yesssssssssssss. Proof that being a creeper does not always end in imprisonment.


----------



## morrowcosom

^ 
Don't forget the roofies and your gimp mask when you meet up with her.


----------



## Brill

JosephAOI said:


> I have a skype date with this gorgeous woman in about an hour and I'm nervous cause holy shit look at her!



That bitch has the same peircings as me... Ima stab her!


----------



## Fiction

Loxodrome said:


> That bitch has the same peircings as me... Ima stab her!



I would never go to a scenecore band with you.

Actually I'd never go to one.


----------



## Brill

Fiction said:


> I would never go to a scenecore band with you.
> 
> Actually I'd never go to one.



Neither would i. I hate scene people.p


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Loxodrome said:


> Neither would i. I hate scene people.p



Yet you have a face full of metal like a scene kid?


----------



## JosephAOI

It actually went really well! Since we had never actually skyped or talked on the phone before we both thought we would only be on there for like 30 minutes or so but we were talking for 3 hours!


----------



## flint757

def good sign


----------



## Konfyouzd

sage said:


> Or, if you chicken out on that, throw awesome house party and invite her and your mutual friends. Make sure you have extra girl friendly beverages on hand *and clean your room.*



It's a laughable piece of advice at first glance, but totally important.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Kiwimetal101 said:


> Yet you have a face full of metal like a scene kid?



Aww c'mon... Tribes were putting holes in their faces well before "the scene."


----------



## Necris

^ I'm not sure loxodrome has any real claim to tribal ancestry.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Be that as it may, it doesn't make him a "scene kid" to put piercings in his face and even if it did, who cares? 

It's as silly as being shunned for interracial dating.


----------



## Mexi

Thrashmanzac said:


> ^take the ticket?


----------



## Cynic

Kiwimetal101 said:


> Yet you have a face full of metal like a scene kid?



piercings make you scene 

cool


----------



## Metal_Webb

I've just told the woman that I love who cares for me like a brother that I can't talk to her any more. She's got it for another guy, will never have it for me, so I've got to push her away for my own sake.

This fucking sucks.


----------



## Cynic

Metal_Webb said:


> I've just told the woman that I love who cares for me like a brother that I can't talk to her any more. She's got it for another guy, will never have it for me, so I've got to push her away for my own sake.
> 
> This fucking sucks.



i <3 u


----------



## JosephAOI

Metal_Webb said:


> I've just told the woman that I love who cares for me like a brother that I can't talk to her any more. She's got it for another guy, will never have it for me, so I've got to push her away for my own sake.
> 
> This fucking sucks.



I know this feel too well man. Sorry to hear.


----------



## texshred777

Metal_Webb said:


> I've just told the woman that I love who cares for me like a brother that I can't talk to her any more. She's got it for another guy, will never have it for me, so I've got to push her away for my own sake.
> 
> This fucking sucks.


 
At least you know not to keep being around her when it'll eat you up. Smart move.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Metal_Webb said:


> I've just told the woman that I love who cares for me like a brother that I can't talk to her any more. She's got it for another guy, will never have it for me, so I've got to push her away for my own sake.
> 
> This fucking sucks.



The sucks man, in my experience it's just as bad as being dumped, but at least you know we're you stand with her..

I always just say "o wel it's their loss" and try to move on...


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Temporarily change this to be the Love/Relationships/LUST thread.

Basically from 2nd to 9th grade I liked the same girl, and eventually as it became obvious that she was becoming very popular amongst dudes and becoming waaaay hot it wasnt gonna happen. 4 years later I meet her again at a party and we bond over music and she asks if I'll teach her guitar. She is into me at this point and is pretty vocal about it to other people. Basically the next few times we hang out Im too much of a nervous bitch to even act normal. I dont see her again after a few times.

One year later she must be into me AGAIN because she wants to hang this week and is coming to my house for a party Saturday. I think I can nail it this time  Really hope it goes well, and am open to any pointers, though Im confident in myself. Just thought I'd check in here first because I know there are some master pick up artists on the forum, and up until this point I myself was not one. This is the first time Ive been at a point in my life where I CAN attract a girl like this. The fact that shes cool only helps


----------



## JosephAOI

^


----------



## Varcolac

JosephAOI said:


> ^



A handy guide to manual relief.








...and then there's this.


----------



## in-pursuit

I came here to have a cry about my pregnant wife telling me this morning she wants to leave me, but the minivan has turned my tears of sorrow into tears of laughter.


----------



## JosephAOI

Soooooooo... I think I may have just organized a threesome. Fucking sweet.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Remind the girls, pics or it didn't happen.


----------



## Varcolac

JosephAOI said:


> Soooooooo... I think I may have just organized a threesome. Fucking sweet.



Hey, lucky! Two more hands means you can turn your Minivan into a Greyhound.


----------



## Metal_Webb

Just gonna do a quick update on my situation...

Thanks for the kind words people, it really makes a difference. I've come to an understanding with myself about the situation (about the only real benefit of entering a manic state). The thing is we've been good friends for many years, I was there helping her out with her breakup for about 2 months, tiring, but I only wanted to see her happy again. It seems she's taking the situation a lot worse than me, even though she told me she's known how I feel about her for a long time, apparently me "dropping the bombshell" on Monday was a bit much for her. She says that she feels bad for crushing my feelings. I've decided to let her have some space and not talk to her for a while (Which is hard. We were pretty much in constant communication until Monday night). I've told her she can contact me if she needs/is ready to.


----------



## texshred777

^^

That's nice, but tread carefully with that. When people are hurting they'll say/do things trying to make it better. Don't become collateral damage in that process. 

Anyway, on a positive note I hope it works out well.


----------



## axxessdenied

Metal_Webb said:


> Just gonna do a quick update on my situation...
> 
> Thanks for the kind words people, it really makes a difference. I've come to an understanding with myself about the situation (about the only real benefit of entering a manic state). The thing is we've been good friends for many years, I was there helping her out with her breakup for about 2 months, tiring, but I only wanted to see her happy again. It seems she's taking the situation a lot worse than me, even though she told me she's known how I feel about her for a long time, apparently me "dropping the bombshell" on Monday was a bit much for her. She says that she feels bad for crushing my feelings. I've decided to let her have some space and not talk to her for a while (Which is hard. We were pretty much in constant communication until Monday night). I've told her she can contact me if she needs/is ready to.



Plenty of fish in the sea... not worth getting hung up on something like this.


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

All is still well... That's all I got.


----------



## Cynic

First date in forever in a few days. Ner. Vous.


----------



## Konfyouzd

You got this


----------



## chickenxnuggetz91

Metal_Webb said:


> Just gonna do a quick update on my situation...
> 
> Thanks for the kind words people, it really makes a difference. I've come to an understanding with myself about the situation (about the only real benefit of entering a manic state). The thing is we've been good friends for many years, I was there helping her out with her breakup for about 2 months, tiring, but I only wanted to see her happy again. It seems she's taking the situation a lot worse than me, even though she told me she's known how I feel about her for a long time, apparently me "dropping the bombshell" on Monday was a bit much for her. She says that she feels bad for crushing my feelings. I've decided to let her have some space and not talk to her for a while (Which is hard. We were pretty much in constant communication until Monday night). I've told her she can contact me if she needs/is ready to.



Had a similar situation in high school. I still have feelings for this girl, but it is best to distance yourself from this one. You will only get kicked in the balls. Some women love being chased and act like they are sad and they need a "great guy who will always be there for them". Don't be that guy, because that is not what they really want. Then they act like they want you when you ignore them. Don't fall for this. They will just run again when you chase.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

in-pursuit said:


> I came here to have a cry about my pregnant wife telling me this morning she wants to leave me, but the minivan has turned my tears of sorrow into tears of laughter.


Holy shit that sucks man.  Care to share?


----------



## Cynic

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> Holy shit that sucks man.  Care to share?



Yeah, that's fucking messed up.


----------



## Metal_Webb

chickenxnuggetz91 said:


> Had a similar situation in high school. I still have feelings for this girl, but it is best to distance yourself from this one. You will only get kicked in the balls. Some women love being chased and act like they are sad and they need a "great guy who will always be there for them". Don't be that guy, because that is not what they really want. Then they act like they want you when you ignore them. Don't fall for this. They will just run again when you chase.



Nah, she's not like that in the slightest.


----------



## spadz93

Metal_Webb said:


> Nah, she's not like that in the slightest.



heard that one before, said it a bunch too only to be proved wrong.


----------



## in-pursuit

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> Holy shit that sucks man.  Care to share?



it's a little hard to summarise what is essentially a very long and complicated situation.... but it pretty much boils down to her wanting me to in some capacity be willing to show a very specific and restricted form of affection towards her while recieving not much short of loathing disrespect from her in return. over 10 years I've made every attempt to understand, cater to, overcome and straight up deny my ability to live in a relationship in which my partner doesn't just simply have no interest in taking part in any physical show of affection, but will actually turn her face away to prevent me from evem kissing her. We've slept in seperate beds for close to 3 years now (almost the entire time we've lived together) and I haven't kissed her since our wedding day. when I come to think about it, not including our wedding day I don't even remember the last time we kissed. it's probably worth noting that we've had numerous discussions about this, she claims it's simply not in her personality to be affectionate. there are so many flaws with that logic that I won't even start. 

there are other factors that have come into play in regards to our sharing seperate beds, I've long suspected that I suffer from sleep apnoea which I'm in the process of having diagnosed/treated and my partner has been either pregnant or nursing for a good portion of the time over the last few years. None of that has any effect on her refusal to accept any form of affection from me, and over a decade I've been emotionally worn away to the point of losing any real sense of personal worth. Since becoming pregnant with our first child she has put a lot of effort into eroding anything that I associate with my "self" trying to convince me that now I have a family I cease to be my own person which I refuse to accept. 

Gradually over time I think she simply started to miss being wanted and the result of that is that she percieves me as being cold and distant, uncaring and uninterested in her current pregnancy. I didn't even get time to get out of bed and take a piss and have some coffee before she was screaming hysterically that she might as well be a single mother, she feels like we're housemates not married. all of this I said exactly word for word to her 3 months before she was pregnant and she didnt give a fuck, she didn't want to hear anything about it. 

it will be our second child together and I want more than anything to feel like a real family, but honestly I feel completely cut off from everyone around me and increasingly isolated. I've considered so many possible courses of action that I could never have imagined before that it scares me, but in the end no matter what I choose to do I can't remove myself from the situation without having a huge negative effect on my children and I don't know if I could ever accept that. I know the best option for everyone involved was a turn in the road 5 years ago and there's no going back now.

I think it all comes back on me, I will always feel at fault for not being supportive enough through this time. I just don't think I can be that person, I can't hold an olive branch in one hand when the only thing I ever taste in my mouth is the underside of her shoe.


----------



## Murmel

Got extremely cute and nice girls number today. Semi-known her for quite some time now, will see if I fuck this up like I usually do. In other words, pussy out 
We get along very well though, I so I have my hopes up. As long as I have the balls to ask her to hang out it'll be fine.


----------



## Bekanor

in-pursuit said:


> it's a little hard to summarise what is essentially a very long and complicated situation.... but it pretty much boils down to her wanting me to in some capacity be willing to show a very specific and restricted form of affection towards her while recieving not much short of loathing disrespect from her in return. over 10 years I've made every attempt to understand, cater to, overcome and straight up deny my ability to live in a relationship in which my partner doesn't just simply have no interest in taking part in any physical show of affection, but will actually turn her face away to prevent me from evem kissing her. We've slept in seperate beds for close to 3 years now (almost the entire time we've lived together) and I haven't kissed her since our wedding day. when I come to think about it, not including our wedding day I don't even remember the last time we kissed. it's probably worth noting that we've had numerous discussions about this, she claims it's simply not in her personality to be affectionate. there are so many flaws with that logic that I won't even start.
> 
> there are other factors that have come into play in regards to our sharing seperate beds, I've long suspected that I suffer from sleep apnoea which I'm in the process of having diagnosed/treated and my partner has been either pregnant or nursing for a good portion of the time over the last few years. None of that has any effect on her refusal to accept any form of affection from me, and over a decade I've been emotionally worn away to the point of losing any real sense of personal worth. Since becoming pregnant with our first child she has put a lot of effort into eroding anything that I associate with my "self" trying to convince me that now I have a family I cease to be my own person which I refuse to accept.
> 
> Gradually over time I think she simply started to miss being wanted and the result of that is that she percieves me as being cold and distant, uncaring and uninterested in her current pregnancy. I didn't even get time to get out of bed and take a piss and have some coffee before she was screaming hysterically that she might as well be a single mother, she feels like we're housemates not married. all of this I said exactly word for word to her 3 months before she was pregnant and she didnt give a fuck, she didn't want to hear anything about it.
> 
> it will be our second child together and I want more than anything to feel like a real family, but honestly I feel completely cut off from everyone around me and increasingly isolated. I've considered so many possible courses of action that I could never have imagined before that it scares me, but in the end no matter what I choose to do I can't remove myself from the situation without having a huge negative effect on my children and I don't know if I could ever accept that. I know the best option for everyone involved was a turn in the road 5 years ago and there's no going back now.
> 
> I think it all comes back on me, I will always feel at fault for not being supportive enough through this time. I just don't think I can be that person, I can't hold an olive branch in one hand when the only thing I ever taste in my mouth is the underside of her shoe.



So it's not in her personality to be affectionate but she loses her mind because you're not breaking your back to do something she wants no part of anyway?

Dude you are living with a fucking sociopath. Leave. Your kids are going to end up emotionally stunted and really messed up about relationships with that example to draw on. Better they learn that "relationships end sometimes but it's not the end of the world" rather than "relationships are loveless pacts between emotionally disconnected people based purely on the responsibility of children, both parties are inevitably ground into dust inside and spend their lives in resentment and self loathing until they eventually have a meltdown". 

Better that you learn the former as well, before you get comfortable with the rest of your life being ruined. By all means talk to her about it again but if she is even the least bit resistant to meeting your needs then pack your shit and bail. Also don't get hung up on memories of how you used to feel about her, if it's not there anymore then it's probably gone for good.


----------



## flint757

Have you tried making pact agreements similar to the "you shave, I shave" type thing? If she wants or expects you to do something (and you are 100% committed to sticking it out) then she should do some of the things that you'd like as well; Can't be one sided. If you want her to be affectionate more often and she wants something too I don't see why a deal can't be struck. That being said based on what you've tried doing and what her opinion is it sounds like you won't win. If you are trying to be a husband and she thinks she is a single mom then I have to agree with Bekanor that she is a bit of a sociopath (she wants to be miserable).


----------



## Konfyouzd

Hmm... 

Having only read the last post on the page I think I walked in at an interesting time... 

But to weigh in on the one sentence I read... 

I typically don't care if she shaves so long as it's not a complete mess down there. Sometimes I'll shave just to see if she likes it or not. If she says something [positive] then I do it from time to time. If not, I never do it again, bc I hate doing it. I don't even like to shave my face, but I do it bc it looks bad if I don't.


----------



## Fiction

Wooooosh


----------



## flint757

Konfyouzd said:


> Hmm...
> 
> Having only read the last post on the page I think I walked in at an interesting time...
> 
> But to weigh in on the one sentence I read...
> 
> I typically don't care if she shaves so long as it's not a complete mess down there. Sometimes I'll shave just to see if she likes it or not. If she says something [positive] then I do it from time to time. If not, I never do it again, bc I hate doing it. I don't even like to shave my face, but I do it bc it looks bad if I don't.





That was an example not the actual topic.  

Thanks for sharing though...


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Konfyouzd....Confused...I JUST GOT IT.


----------



## texshred777

I disagree that your wife is a sociopath. I do think she has intimacy issues, and probably from multiple sources. I'm not getting into the family of origin/childhood-early adulthood(even sexual) trauma discussion, but you get the picture. 

I've been through having an unaffectionate, emotionally distant wife. I know that my confidence waned because I never felt wanted or even significant. I also know that it was my own fault, too. No one can complete you, and your self worth should not be determined by your marriage/family. 

You have two choices, stay or go. If you want your marriage to work, one thing is certain. You BOTH need to start working on it NOW. Anything short of that, and I'm afraid this all ends the same way. Divorce. Staying together and doing nothing will only increase the bitterness and resentment for both of you. You'll end up absolutely hating each other, and that's no better for your children than leaving now. 

I agree with Bekanor about one thing in particular. The example you both are setting is not going to develop children who know what a loving relationship is. Staying together for the children is a noble intention, but there's just as much collateral damage in a toxic environment as from a broken home. 

With all that said, I would seriously sit her down and give her an ultimatum. Either you both go to therapy as a couple, or you're leaving. You can't change her. In this arena, I'm afraid only a trained professional is equipped. If you go to therapy, you should know that it will not be all about her issues. You need to own up to your part in everything as well. If she's never been an affectionate person, and you married her despite it being a deal breaker for you-that's your fault, too. If that's the choice you make, DO NOT LIE FOR HER. The therapist will probably give you both exercises to do between sessions. If you aren't both doing them and holding each other accountable, don't waste the money even going. 

If you're against therapy, I don't now what to tell you. I don't see just talking it out making any significant change. As you said, none of this is new and you've talked about it before with no results. 

There's also the possibility that she's sabotaging the relationship to get you to leave. She's pushing you away so she's not the "bad guy" who breaks up the marriage. My wife did that. She was secretly hoping for some time that I'd have an affair so she could leave guilt free. 

/sorry, long I know.


----------



## Konfyouzd

flint757 said:


> That was an example not the actual topic.
> 
> Thanks for sharing though...



I'm just that awesome.


----------



## Konfyouzd

glassmoon0fo said:


> Konfyouzd....Confused...I JUST GOT IT.



Irony... I see some...


----------



## InfinityCollision

Murmel said:


> Got extremely cute and nice girls number today. Semi-known her for quite some time now, will see if I fuck this up like I usually do. In other words, pussy out
> We get along very well though, I so I have my hopes up. As long as I have the balls to ask her to hang out it'll be fine.



Know a good hot dog place near you? Take her to lunch there, bitches love hot dogs.


----------



## Bekanor

texshred777 said:


> I disagree that your wife is a sociopath. I do think she has intimacy issues, and probably from multiple sources. I'm not getting into the family of origin/childhood-early adulthood(even sexual) trauma discussion, but you get the picture.
> 
> I've been through having an unaffectionate, emotionally distant wife. I know that my confidence waned because I never felt wanted or even significant. I also know that it was my own fault, too. No one can complete you, and your self worth should not be determined by your marriage/family.
> 
> You have two choices, stay or go. If you want your marriage to work, one thing is certain. You BOTH need to start working on it NOW. Anything short of that, and I'm afraid this all ends the same way. Divorce. Staying together and doing nothing will only increase the bitterness and resentment for both of you. You'll end up absolutely hating each other, and that's no better for your children than leaving now.
> 
> I agree with Bekanor about one thing in particular. The example you both are setting is not going to develop children who know what a loving relationship is. Staying together for the children is a noble intention, but there's just as much collateral damage in a toxic environment as from a broken home.
> 
> With all that said, I would seriously sit her down and give her an ultimatum. Either you both go to therapy as a couple, or you're leaving. You can't change her. In this arena, I'm afraid only a trained professional is equipped. If you go to therapy, you should know that it will not be all about her issues. You need to own up to your part in everything as well. If she's never been an affectionate person, and you married her despite it being a deal breaker for you-that's your fault, too. If that's the choice you make, DO NOT LIE FOR HER. The therapist will probably give you both exercises to do between sessions. If you aren't both doing them and holding each other accountable, don't waste the money even going.
> 
> If you're against therapy, I don't now what to tell you. I don't see just talking it out making any significant change. As you said, none of this is new and you've talked about it before with no results.
> 
> There's also the possibility that she's sabotaging the relationship to get you to leave. She's pushing you away so she's not the "bad guy" who breaks up the marriage. My wife did that. She was secretly hoping for some time that I'd have an affair so she could leave guilt free.
> 
> /sorry, long I know.



Sociopath is probably a strong word but a strong aversion to physical affection strikes me as being mental and little else. Who doesn't like kisses and cuddles? 

My rant up there should be taken with whatever the recommended amount of salt is for advice coming from a guy who has never been married. I can only speak from what I would do and from what I've learned observing other people's highly toxic relationships (one of the benefits of having two older brothers with poor taste in women).


----------



## texshred777

Bekanor said:


> Who doesn't like kisses and cuddles?
> 
> .


 
People with trauma history. 

It's all good, man. I agree with a lot of your post. Even without the experience of being married and divorced you're pretty much on the money. 

Learn from your brothers mistake/s.


----------



## kerska

So I'm still seeing the same chick that's going through the divorce, and things are starting to get serious it seems. 

Unbeknownst to me, I guess they had split up in February but were off and on for a few months up until September (which is when her and I kinda started chatting a bit.) So 2 weeks ago she tells me she emailed him saying that the last time they split was it and she can't deal with the off and on anymore and that she was moving on for good, but she had left me out of her conversation with him for the time being. I also found out they split because they had a plan of her supporting them while he finished school, then when he was done she would go to school and he would support them. Well when he finished, he decided he wanted to focus on his career and not marriage and shit just hit the fan from there. She's kinda hinted that there's more to it that she isn't really letting on yet, but a lot of it is coming to the light now. A lot of what I already know just sounds like a big clusterfuck of two 20 something year olds just moving way too fast and she said he just completely changed from who he was when they first met and wouldn't really say much more other than he just became really selfish and immature.

Welp, Sunday she dropped the bomb on him saying that she's been seeing me for a while now, and I guess dude flipped out. Not like angrily, but just fell apart and was totally heart broken over the whole thing. So now I feel kind of bad. If he had gotten angry I would probably feel different, but I had no idea that I came into the picture so close to their most recent split. The whole thing was really rough on her because she didn't expect him to react that way. We kinda talked about it and I know it brought a lot of emotions back to the surface for her, both good and bad. So I'm trying to play the support roll, but at the same time not be smothering and giving her the space she needs because I think it hit her pretty hard. She's made it clear to me that it's over between them because of a lot of stuff that he did really jeopardized her future with student loans and all this stuff, but it's just weird I guess. I just hope it'll blow over. She wanted to see me today and she wasn't acting any different with me than she was before she told him so I guess that's a good thing. When I asked her if she needed some time to sort her emotions out, she said no and just said that she really likes me and really likes spending time with me and wants to continue to see me.

But I guess I'm not sure how I should feel. I mean a huge part of me is happy because to me that means she's looking at us as more of a serious thing, and she's always talking about me and her in a future tense, but at the same time I feel really bad for the guy. I mean, I knew what I was getting myself into when she first told me about this divorce stuff, but it's just crazy that it's all now materializing in front of me and I'm face to face with it.


----------



## flint757

Don't feel bad, it was her decision and, based on how cool she is being about it, is exactly what she wants. Sounds like the split has nothing to do with you, she is happy and you're happy. I say enjoy and don't over analyze it...


----------



## spadz93

I was depressed from this past July till about a month ago when a girl that i'd been friends with for years decided to take a step in my direction. We started hanging out more frequently in early october and gradually got closer and closer, and we started dating about a month ago. The downside? I go to school in PA, she goes to school and lives in NJ, where i'm originally from. I only get to see her when i go home on weekends, which dont get me wrong im grateful for, but it still sucks. Oh and i'm positive that if her ex saw me he might try to kill me since he came to me for advice on how to get her back while she was making it very clear to me that she didn't want anything to do with him anymore. He actually called me one night asking about her while we we're cuddling and shit on my couch. Oopsies!


----------



## Kiwimetal101

@kerska: I wouldn't feel bad at all, sounds like guy made a dick move whilst only thinking about himself, and she's choosen you over a guy she's got serious history with that's really saying something about how she feels about you.. Like flint said, don't think about it and be happy


----------



## Bekanor

Pretty sure my casual fling girl wants to remove the "benefits" part of our friendship (she being the one that wanted to keep it casual in the first place). Very pleased to discover that only one part of me actually gives a shit.

And before you think dirty, it's the part of me that's pissed about probably not getting my 16GB thumb drive back from her. Though that's not as big a loss as the Nile tour hoodie one of the other flings kept. 

The Captain isn't too happy to lose regular action but he's gotten me into so many awkward situations with girls over the last few months he deserves some solitary confinement to rethink his life (I'm not planning to imprison my penis, nor do I engage in dialogue with it, this is just jokes). However I can do with a break from the stress of dating and if the worst that happens with fling girl is that we go back to awkward acquaintance level without me getting a whole bunch of bullshit from her then I'll be happy. Beyond that I need a break from dating anyway, so I'll be taking a breather, catching up with old friends (I'm on holidays in 2 weeks and I'm planning marathon playthroughs of OOT, Wind Waker and Twilight Princess for my time off) and focusing more on things I've kind of neglected in my pursuit of a vagina to keep.


----------



## texshred777

Bekanor said:


> (I'm not planning to imprison my penis, nor do I engage in dialogue with it, this is just jokes).


 
Not judging.

Seriously though, probably a good idea to have some "you" time for awhile.


----------



## Bekanor

texshred777 said:


> Not judging.
> 
> Seriously though, probably a good idea to have some "you" time for awhile.



It's not really the me time I'm starving for per se, more being able to have that time and not having to think about where I stand with various women. So I'll be quite glad to do that, then some time next year I'll have another crack at the game.


----------



## King Loudness

Hey guys,

I'm mainly posting this just so I can get out some frustrations. I don't really expect sympathy, but thanks in advance to anyone who reads/offers ideas!

My ex girlfriend and I split just under four months ago. In many ways I can't say I didn't see it coming. She was distant, hard to read and ended up leaving me, coming back, and leaving again. She's now dating a guy I'd consider an enemy, but that's neither here nor there. My problem is, I've basically hit rock bottom and even though I know damn well what I'd like is another relationship, I can't bring myself to get better, go out, and find one. My ex had a lot of emotional issues and I guess I set her as my standard. Unfortunately in my mind now it's impossible to do better than that and everything I've tried hasn't really helped me much. I'm in my last year of high school and I'm just losing it. I come home and sleep, I don't have any real desire to do anything, nor excitement. I've tried to forge a relationship with a few girls since and none of them have panned out... I can't help but feel like I'm fucking up somewhere. I know the key is to be confident and stop looking, but I guess I'm just not letting myself do that for whatever reason. It's looking bleak and I'm just not sure what to do anymore.

W.


----------



## texshred777

^

Trying to find someone while you're still obviously messed up over a previous love is a recipe for disaster, bro. I'd say to get ok being by yourself. That's when you really find love, is when you're not desperately seeking it.


----------



## Bekanor

King Loudness said:


> Hey guys,
> 
> I'm mainly posting this just so I can get out some frustrations. I don't really expect sympathy, but thanks in advance to anyone who reads/offers ideas!
> 
> My ex girlfriend and I split just under four months ago. In many ways I can't say I didn't see it coming. She was distant, hard to read and ended up leaving me, coming back, and leaving again. She's now dating a guy I'd consider an enemy, but that's neither here nor there. My problem is, I've basically hit rock bottom and even though I know damn well what I'd like is another relationship, I can't bring myself to get better, go out, and find one. My ex had a lot of emotional issues and I guess I set her as my standard. Unfortunately in my mind now it's impossible to do better than that and everything I've tried hasn't really helped me much. I'm in my last year of high school and I'm just losing it. I come home and sleep, I don't have any real desire to do anything, nor excitement. I've tried to forge a relationship with a few girls since and none of them have panned out... I can't help but feel like I'm fucking up somewhere. I know the key is to be confident and stop looking, but I guess I'm just not letting myself do that for whatever reason. It's looking bleak and I'm just not sure what to do anymore.
> 
> W.



This is going to sound condescending but I promise that's not what I'm trying to do here. You're in your last year of high school, your world is about to expand exponentially, just be patient and let the healing process run its course so you're good and ready to make the most of it when it happens. I assume you're going to college, and if so, you'll be surprised just how much stuff there is to go out and do there and how many fantastic girls there are to meet there. 

Hell even if you're not going to college there's so much available to you with a decent job and the simple desire to explore the new parts of the world that are more or less closed off to you as a high school student.

Chin up.


----------



## ASoC

I would love some action right about now. But, I'm socially awkward, introverted, I hate people, I hate small talk, and I'm really picky about how/when I'll actually allow myself to meet people. I don't hang around school, I go to my classes and bail. I don't let myself get caught up. I don't even bother talking to females unless I feel like I've got pretty good odds, not that I'm afraid of being rejected. I'd just rather not waste my time unless I think I can succeed. I guess what I'm asking is: am I the only one thats like this? Does anybody else ever find themselves feeling the same way? Is this just a slump? I need some help, and soul searching always gives me the same "meh" answer. 

Maybe I just need some outsiders perspectives. Feel free to ask any questions you might feel pertain to the situation, I'm an open book.


----------



## leandroab

Murmel said:


> Got extremely cute and nice girls number today. Semi-known her for quite some time now, will see if I fuck this up like I usually do. In other words, pussy out
> We get along very well though, I so I have my hopes up. As long as I have the balls to ask her to hang out it'll be fine.



Dude don't fuck this up. Fika man! Fucking fika after school!


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

Broke up with my fiance about a week or two ago..after not talking (yet we're still living together), awkward moments, and arguing..I'm typing his from his laptop while in bed...with him...and our "bottom buddy"...after an amazing threesome. The "bottom buddy" is now living with us...I'm just as confused as all of you are, but oddly I'm okay with all this.


----------



## Winspear

texshred777 said:


> ^
> 
> Trying to find someone while you're still obviously messed up over a previous love is a recipe for disaster, bro. I'd say to get ok being by yourself. That's when you really find love, is when you're not desperately seeking it.



Indeed. I know so many people who seem to think they need relationships and can't be happy without them - but the relationships they go into are desperate - a mess in which the only reason they are carrying on is for the comfort of being in a relationship.
Being happy by yourself is much much healthier - and I'm a firm believer that you can't be in a successful relationship until both of you are fine with being alone.


----------



## Winspear

ASoC said:


> I would love some action right about now. But, I'm socially awkward, introverted, I hate people, I hate small talk, and I'm really picky about how/when I'll actually allow myself to meet people. I don't hang around school, I go to my classes and bail. I don't let myself get caught up. I don't even bother talking to females unless I feel like I've got pretty good odds, not that I'm afraid of being rejected. I'd just rather not waste my time unless I think I can succeed. I guess what I'm asking is: am I the only one thats like this? Does anybody else ever find themselves feeling the same way? Is this just a slump? I need some help, and soul searching always gives me the same "meh" answer.
> 
> Maybe I just need some outsiders perspectives. Feel free to ask any questions you might feel pertain to the situation, I'm an open book.



I'm definitely the same as this. I never pursue relationships - they have always been by luck. I'm 21 now and almost out of education. I am always happy single and would rather be single than in a relationship that wasn't 100% (like my current one). 
This, plus the things you've said, makes me imagine that were my relationship to fail for any reason, I would be single for a very, _very _long time.
You only said that you would "love some action" - perhaps you should pursue some meaningless sex via the internet? Yes that's a serious suggestion


----------



## Murmel

leandroab said:


> Dude don't fuck this up. Fika man! Fucking fika after school!


That fika shit ain't happenin', gotta figure out some other way. I have my ideas.

Edit: I got negged because of my last post? What. The. Fuck


----------



## glassmoon0fo

what's fika? Is it legal, and how can I do it? Also, how is babby maid?


----------



## Murmel

Fika is the the Swedish version of taking someone out for a coffee.
Watch this learn evrything about it, and some more 

Filmed in my small hometown, pretty mindfucking to me.
Starts at @1:20.


----------



## Metal_Webb

Murmel said:


>




That was rather entertaining


----------



## Murmel

Most of his videos are hilarious, definitely worth a watch


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Damn, ..... balls huh?  

You know, as buff as that guy was, I'll never get why girls like the british accent (yeah I know, 'mericans came second haha). It's sometimes percieved as pretentious and effeminate over here, even if it's undue. I just think it's strange sounding, like a hot chick farting  Figure I'll ask though, how does the American version of english come off across the pond?

On topic, I'ma drop the word Fika over here like it's common knowledge, shit's so cash.


----------



## Winspear

glassmoon0fo said:


> Figure I'll ask though, how does the American version of english come off across the pond?



I find pretty much all American accents awesome.
I'm inclined to agree with you that most of the time British accent sounds strange, though I only notice it in videos (because I live in the U.K and most videos are American, so British videos stand out). There are exceptions, for example Steven Wilson who has a great voice.


----------



## JosephAOI

You guys that know what went on with my last ex know that I'm totally 100% heterosexual. But Olly Steele has one hell of a sexy voice for a dude with that British accent


----------



## Dooky

JosephAOI said:


> You guys that know what went on with my last ex know that I'm totally 100% heterosexual. But Olly Steele has one hell of a sexy voice for a dude with that British accent


----------



## JosephAOI

Dooky said:


>


----------



## Varcolac

glassmoon0fo said:


> Figure I'll ask though, how does the American version of english come off across the pond?



Depends. Mostly to me you sound like arseholes, southerners especially. North-eastern accents (Boston, New York, etc) don't grate on my ears nearly as much as that damnable Texan drawl. 

Then again, we get a lot of American TV shows, so there's not so much of a stereotype, whereas it seems to me like the only time a British actor appears on the US screen, they'll be A) a villain, B) a spy, or C) YER A WIZZARD HARRY!

Or they'll be doing an American accent. Hugh Laurie's real voice to someone who's only seen him on House must be hilarious.


----------



## ASoC

EtherealEntity said:


> I'm definitely the same as this. I never pursue relationships - they have always been by luck. I'm 21 now and almost out of education. I am always happy single and would rather be single than in a relationship that wasn't 100% (like my current one).
> This, plus the things you've said, makes me imagine that were my relationship to fail for any reason, I would be single for a very, _very _long time.
> You only said that you would "love some action" - perhaps you should pursue some meaningless sex via the internet? Yes that's a serious suggestion



I mean a relationship would be better, I prefer being committed than just having a fling, but I just don't feel the need to try right now. I'm at this point in my life where I see girls and I think to myself, "Damn, shes cute. I'd totally smash on that given the opportunity. But, I'm not going to make an effort." Basically I've adopted this attitude of if it happens, cool. If not, whatever. Despite me telling myself that, I still have physical needs though 

Also, there are are no women on the internet. The women are men and the children are FBI agents.


----------



## Stealthdjentstic

yo guise so i wus dating this girl..found out she didnt djent so i tell sso and they say kill her with a rock so i did it and now im in jail and sex'n the hot corrections occifer. Thanks!


----------



## flint757

Varcolac said:


> Depends. Mostly to me you sound like arseholes, southerners especially. North-eastern accents (Boston, New York, etc) don't grate on my ears nearly as much as that damnable Texan drawl.
> 
> Then again, we get a lot of American TV shows, so there's not so much of a stereotype, whereas it seems to me like the only time a British actor appears on the US screen, they'll be A) a villain, B) a spy, or C) YER A WIZZARD HARRY!
> 
> Or they'll be doing an American accent. Hugh Laurie's real voice to someone who's only seen him on House must be hilarious.



You are stereotyping actually 

I don't have a drawl at all...just a general, neutral american accent.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

ASoC said:


> I mean a relationship would be better, I prefer being committed than just having a fling, but I just don't feel the need to try right now. I'm at this point in my life where I see girls and I think to myself, "Damn, shes cute. I'd totally smash on that given the opportunity. But, I'm not going to make an effort." Basically I've adopted this attitude of if it happens, cool. If not, whatever. Despite me telling myself that, I still have physical needs though



Ive been doing the exact same thing for awhile now, its great having female friends, but I'm getting over the lack of intimate female company after a year and half now..


----------



## MFB

flint757 said:


> Neutral american accent.





> Neutral american accent





> Neutral american accent





> american accent





> american accent





> american accent


----------



## Varcolac

flint757 said:


> You are stereotyping actually
> 
> I don't have a drawl at all...just a general, neutral american accent.



No, I'm displaying prejudice. I think you sound like arseholes, that's not the same as you being portrayed as arseholes habitually on the TV. 

Because we get loads of American shows, Yanks can be anything from heroes to villains, but if you're casting a bad guy in an American production it seems they first get out the Big Book Of British Aristocratic-Sounding Actors (tm)...

If you think I'm stereotyping Texans as drawlers, that's not what I intended. I'm sure you sound like a marvellously productive member of society. The Texan drawl is a thing though, and it doesn't sound like the most attractive accent on Earth to me.


----------



## texshred777

Even though I'm from Texas I STILL get annoyed at the Texas drawl. I have what other Americans would describe as "no accent". 

This conversation about brit accents has scenes from "My Fair Lady" going through my brain. Maybe I just wanted to think about Audrey Hepburn..


----------



## flint757

MFB said:


>



Well to say Americans have no accent (set the base) would be silly and a probably biased opinion on my end, but if that is what you were looking for then yes, I have no accent. 



Varcolac said:


> No, I'm displaying prejudice. I think you sound like arseholes, that's not the same as you being portrayed as arseholes habitually on the TV.
> 
> Because we get loads of American shows, Yanks can be anything from heroes to villains, but if you're casting a bad guy in an American production it seems they first get out the Big Book Of British Aristocratic-Sounding Actors (tm)...
> 
> If you think I'm stereotyping Texans as drawlers, that's not what I intended. I'm sure you sound like a marvellously productive member of society. The Texan drawl is a thing though, and it doesn't sound like the most attractive accent on Earth to me.



Fair enough, but Texas, even with those who have a drawl, is better than the other southern states I've visited. Seems like a silly thing to get flustered over though. I'm not offended that Hugh likes to pretend he is American and acts like an ass hat.


----------



## MFB

I feel like when you say "neutral American accent" you means ALL Americans have the same accent vs. saying "AN American accent" which would indicate there's more than one (as there obviously is)

That's all

OT : If a hot chick has a slight Southern accent, I can deal with it but if she sounds a backwater-brother-fucker than I can't deal with that


----------



## Church2224

Well looks like I might have to go back on my status of being "forever alone..."

About two weeks ago I managed to get the balls to talk to this really attractive girl who was sitting there in a lounge at school. Well, we really hit it off and talked there for a while. Next time I saw her same thing happened, we just talked for about an hour or so and the same thing happened today. We talked from anything from music to politics to classes to just bullshit. 

She is actually really cool. She is funny, attractive, loves dogs, AND is learning to play guitar, so that is awesome. We also have a similar outlook on life and on people, so to speak. 

Idk, I think the next time I see her I will ask her out and get her number. This is weird for me as a girl like this has never had any sort of interest in me, or this friendly attitude towards me, so I have no idea what to think. Any advice? Would I be making a good move?


----------



## metal_sam14

Church2224 said:


> Well looks like I might have to go back on my status of being "forever alone..."
> 
> About two weeks ago I managed to get the balls to talk to this really attractive girl who was sitting there in a lounge at school. Well, we really hit it off and talked there for a while. Next time I saw her same thing happened, we just talked for about an hour or so and the same thing happened today. We talked from anything from music to politics to classes to just bullshit.
> 
> She is actually really cool. She is funny, attractive, loves dogs, AND is learning to play guitar, so that is awesome. We also have a similar outlook on life and on people, so to speak.
> 
> Idk, I think the next time I see her I will ask her out and get her number. This is weird for me as a girl like this has never had any sort of interest in me, or this friendly attitude towards me, so I have no idea what to think. Any advice? Would I be making a good move?



Sounds like the preliminary ground work was a success, I say go for it! Ask her out for something casual, talk to her, you will be fine


----------



## Church2224

metal_sam14 said:


> Sounds like the preliminary ground work was a success, I say go for it! Ask her out for something casual, talk to her, you will be fine



Thanks man! I was thinking lunch sometime next week when we are both off of work. 

I am nervous as hell though, hopefully it will work.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Church2224 said:


> Well looks like I might have to go back on my status of being "forever alone..."
> 
> About two weeks ago I managed to get the balls to talk to this really attractive girl who was sitting there in a lounge at school. Well, we really hit it off and talked there for a while. Next time I saw her same thing happened, we just talked for about an hour or so and the same thing happened today. We talked from anything from music to politics to classes to just bullshit.
> 
> She is actually really cool. She is funny, attractive, loves dogs, AND is learning to play guitar, so that is awesome. We also have a similar outlook on life and on people, so to speak.
> 
> Idk, I think the next time I see her I will ask her out and get her number. This is weird for me as a girl like this has never had any sort of interest in me, or this friendly attitude towards me, so I have no idea what to think. Any advice? Would I be making a good move?



Mate, sounds to me that you're in with a grin.. Just try to be confident and you'll be sweet!!


----------



## texshred777

MFB said:


> OT : If a hot chick has a slight Southern accent, I can deal with it but if she sounds a backwater-brother-fucker than I can't deal with that


 
Oh she jus doin wut er momma learnt er


----------



## glassmoon0fo

MFB said:


> OT : If a hot chick has a slight Southern accent, I can deal with it but if she sounds a backwater-brother-fucker than I can't deal with that


 
I feel the same way about that cock-up-the-nose Boston accent bro! Girl I hung with in college was from Mass and we used to rip on her about her accent. "Heart" sounded like "Hat" and god forbid she call use "reta'aded", shit got ignorant after that 

And in case nobody told you guys, southern girls give the best brain, because, well they'd better.


----------



## axxessdenied

Church2224 said:


> Thanks man! I was thinking lunch sometime next week when we are both off of work.
> 
> I am nervous as hell though, hopefully it will work.



Don't be! Just go for it 
If you've already had a few good conversations with her then you're good, dude! What you have to remember is that a lot of guys are afraid to go up and talk to cute girls. So, when you actually muster up the balls to do it and are able to have a decent conversation with a girl then you're already on your way. Now get in there and conquer that shit and let her know your intentions. Don't wait too long and then get friend-zoned 
Just ask her if she wants to go out with you for lunch / coffee. Nothing serious, something casual that you can sit down and get to know the girl some more. Avoid the movies for a first date... 
If things are going well on the first date. You say she's interested in learning some guitar? Invite her over to your place and play her something nice and maybe give her a little lesson. This will give you the opportunity to get nice, close and personal


----------



## Koloss85

Definitely beware of the dreaded friend zone!
You have an "in with the guitar for sure. Giving her a lesson would be a great low key date. Just be sure not to be so "friendly". Be confident and let her know (with your body language and demeanor) that you're interested. But don't over think it. Just have a good time.


----------



## engage757

Koloss85 said:


> Definitely beware of the dreaded friend zone!
> You have an "in with the guitar for sure. Giving her a lesson would be a great low key date. Just be sure not to be so "friendly". Be confident and let her know (with your body language and demeanor) that you're interested. But don't over think it. Just have a good time.




Only in a public place. Or bad Idea IMO. She might think you are trying to get her alone in your place. Not sure you want to give that impression so soon.


----------



## axxessdenied

engage757 said:


> Only in a public place. Or bad Idea IMO. She might think you are trying to get her alone in your place. Not sure you want to give that impression so soon.



That is why you got to take her out somewhere else first. Have a good time, and then ask her if she wants to come over to your place to hang out for a bit 


First time I invited my fiance over to my place was for a movie(after taking her out to a nice dinner, of course)..... there was no movie  I think I made it as far as turning on the TV before going for it.


----------



## texshred777

I'm with Engage, but for a different reason. A guitar lesson is ambiguous, and I could see her asking her friends if it's supposed to be a date. You've done the heavy lifting, you've made contact and developed rapport with her. No need to reinvent the wheel. Just ask her out for dinner/movie/etc.

Edit: I suppose taking her to the park(for said guitar lesson) or something after or before another date activity would be ok. Still though, women are afraid to look dumb so putting her into an awkward postion where she's super insecure and self conscious may not be a good idea for some women.


----------



## Church2224

Well, this is all a lot to take in, thanks a ton guys. I will return with the details and more questions later on. 

Here's to hoping there is a Mrs. Church coming...


----------



## glpg80

texshred777 said:


> I'm with Engage, but for a different reason. A guitar lesson is ambiguous, and I could see her asking her friends if it's supposed to be a date. You've done the heavy lifting, you've made contact and developed rapport with her. No need to reinvent the wheel. Just ask her out for dinner/movie/etc.
> 
> Edit: I suppose taking her to the park or something after or before another date activity would be ok. Still though, women are afraid to look dumb so putting her into an awkward postion where she's super insecure and self conscious may not be a good idea for some women.



+1

Dinner and a movie. No reason to reinvent the wheel - it is a great way to have fun together. Since she likes dogs you could take your buddy rebel with you to the park and all three could have a great time.

I would make it less about music atm and more about her - the music will come later on - just dont force it.


----------



## Koloss85

Obviously don't come across as a creeper. But when if you come across as too friendly, you get friend zoned. I'm not telling you to rape her. It should be calm and laid back. But she should know she's on a date. Again don't over think it. Then you'll just be nervous and women want confidence. Just my opinion of course.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Goin to dinner w/ a pretty lady on Saturday... I'm just as surprised as the rest of you...


----------



## flo

Konfyouzd said:


> Goin to dinner w/ a pretty lady on Saturday... I'm just as surprised as the rest of you...



YOU?

I wish you luck bro!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Started off as lunch today... Then she decided to go to some 3 hr conference for work and asked to reschedule for tomorrow night... So I said fuck it why not? 

Could be cool. Going out for Indian food.


----------



## texshred777

Konfyouzd said:


> Started off as lunch today... Then she decided to go to some 3 hr conference for work and asked to reschedule for tomorrow night... So I said fuck it why not?
> 
> Could be cool. Going out for Indian food.


 






Better you than me. My stomach hates me.

Seriously though, that's awesome!


----------



## Konfyouzd

I fuckin love Indian food.


----------



## axxessdenied

Konfyouzd said:


> I fuckin love Indian food.



A love food as long as whoever prepared it knows what they are doing 

And, good luck with the date


----------



## Gabriel

Church2224 said:


> Well looks like I might have to go back on my status of being "forever alone..."
> 
> About two weeks ago I managed to get the balls to talk to this really attractive girl who was sitting there in a lounge at school. Well, we really hit it off and talked there for a while. Next time I saw her same thing happened, we just talked for about an hour or so and the same thing happened today. We talked from anything from music to politics to classes to just bullshit.
> 
> She is actually really cool. She is funny, attractive, loves dogs, AND is learning to play guitar, so that is awesome. We also have a similar outlook on life and on people, so to speak.
> 
> Idk, I think the next time I see her I will ask her out and get her number. This is weird for me as a girl like this has never had any sort of interest in me, or this friendly attitude towards me, so I have no idea what to think. Any advice? Would I be making a good move?




Everyone has listed great points about this and i'm sure there's no need for reiterating it. You've already caught her attention if she hasn't avoided you after the first time so just go for it without being too aggressive. Just muster up all the "balls" you have and pop that inevitable question before she friend zones you. I'm sure you'll do well, man. 

1) Ask her out on date
2) Kiss that babe
3) ?????
4) Profit


----------



## glassmoon0fo

EDIT: mission aborted


----------



## JosephAOI

glassmoon0fo said:


> I have a delema. I'm teaching this girl piano lessons, and she's getting real fresh with me. REAL fresh. Problem is, I'm 26, she's 18. Feels weird man. She's graduating HIGH SCHOOL in a few weeks and already enrolled in college courses at the local U. I know this is the stuff porn dreams are made of, but years of man-slut-shaming is making me feel guilty. I feel like my dick is going to get me in trouble, but there's really nothing from a legal standpoint stopping me (and we aren't talking about a relationship here, trust me when I say).
> 
> It's the kind of situation where if it were someone else I'd know exactly what to say, but backed up baby batter is fucking up my judgement. What do.



You are asking this on a forum of Progressive Metal musicians. We are the group of guitarists that get the LEAST amount of girls.

_Fuck her._

And since you're both legal, pics or it didn't happen.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Dude, I had a similar dilemma a couple months back. She was 18 and I'm 24 and she was incredibly hot and willing. I made it an issue for myself before anything even happened and questioned whether I was doing the right thing or not. But what it boils down to, is that when things did get physical, age was the furthest thing from my mind because I knew it was legal, so who cares? Don't psyche yourself out for nothing. What you should be concerned about is whether or not she's mentally mature enough for that sort of thing. As long as she's 18, that's all you gotta be worried about.


----------



## Varcolac

glassmoon0fo said:


> I have a delema. I'm teaching this girl piano lessons, and she's getting real fresh with me. REAL fresh. Problem is, I'm 26, she's 18. Feels weird man. She's graduating HIGH SCHOOL in a few weeks and already enrolled in college courses at the local U. I know this is the stuff porn dreams are made of, but years of man-slut-shaming is making me feel guilty. I feel like my dick is going to get me in trouble, but there's really nothing from a legal standpoint stopping me (and we aren't talking about a relationship here, trust me when I say).
> 
> It's the kind of situation where if it were someone else I'd know exactly what to say, but backed up baby batter is fucking up my judgement. What do.




If you're giving her lessons, don't. Whole position of trust, betrayal of trust thing going on there. Friend of mine has had relationships with his former guitar pupils. Stress on _former_ - very often their parents are paying for the lessons so it's taking the piss to nail their daughter while taking their money. It'd still be a bit weird taking their own money and screwing 'em in my opinion.

Man-slut shaming? Like how? Men having plenty of sex isn't something I've seen portrayed as shameful. A situation which could be construed as you taking advantage of an authority position to get her into a... different position... might be seen as something shameful, of course.

Stop the lessons, make her choose between your piano and your penis.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^Thanks guys, but I slept on it and decided, it wasn't the age that was bothering me but the fact that I'm a teacher and I felt I was taking advantage of my position. I take my profession seriously, and things with this girl escalated quickly because we just vibe well and I let it go too far. Stepping back from the whole situation for the sake of my rep as a teacher, among other things. I am disappoint =(

EDIT: damn, 'd lol

EDIT2: good advice too man, been thinking that all night. Lessons were free though, so there wasn't that issue


----------



## Dan_Vacant

glassmoon0fo said:


> Figure I'll ask though, how does the American version of english come off across the pond?
> 
> On topic, I'ma drop the word Fika over here like it's common knowledge, shit's so cash.


I'm semi necro bump this even though it may just be a lil wake up nudge,
but I'm from eastern Michigan and lots of people ask me if I'm Irish,Scottish, or Canadian, yet I lived in the same county for as long as I've been alive. but I don't talk to much people so it may be I made my own accent lmao. and I just used fika twice.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Varcolac said:


> It'd still be a bit weird taking their own money and screwing 'em in my opinion.
> 
> Man-slut shaming? Like how? Men having plenty of sex isn't something I've seen portrayed as shameful.


 
Girl lives on her own and pays her own bills 100%, so no parents involved, which is really the only reason I actually considered this for a bit. As far as man-slut shaming, in this area of the country I find that people expect men over 20ish to not look at barely legal as legal at all . Almost like they expect girls to ease into their sexuality in their early 20s. It's some shit, but it's the world I live in. Shame of it all is, I really like this girl. She's got her life together and knows what she wants, and is sexy as hell to boot. Got a soft spot for redheads on top of it. Alas, gotta do the right thing.


----------



## Winspear

glassmoon0fo said:


> Alas, gotta do the right thing.


----------



## JosephAOI

glassmoon0fo said:


> Girl lives on her own and pays her own bills 100%, so no parents involved, which is really the only reason I actually considered this for a bit. As far as man-slut shaming, in this area of the country I find that people expect men over 20ish to not look at barely legal as legal at all . Almost like they expect girls to ease into their sexuality in their early 20s. It's some shit, but it's the world I live in. Shame of it all is, I really like this girl. She's got her life together and knows what she wants, and is sexy as hell to boot. Got a soft spot for redheads on top of it. Alas, gotta do the right thing.



Fuck, dude. Why don't you try and date her then? You seem like you're pretty attracted to her in more than just a sexual way and she's got her life together pretty well. It could be the start of something lasting


----------



## Dan_Vacant

I just took a friend out for fika, afterwards she kissed me on the neck when took her home. I assume she wants the D and she told me she thinks I'm cute and she said "Dan, I like you." and she also messes with my hair at lunch. Hmmmmm....
I also learned that McDonalds makes some strong coffee.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Konfyouzd said:


> Goin to dinner w/ a pretty lady on Saturday... I'm just as surprised as the rest of you...


----------



## Konfyouzd

EtherealEntity said:


>


----------



## texshred777

glassmoon0fo said:


> Girl lives on her own and pays her own bills 100%, so no parents involved, which is really the only reason I actually considered this for a bit. As far as man-slut shaming, in this area of the country I find that people expect men over 20ish to not look at barely legal as legal at all . Almost like they expect girls to ease into their sexuality in their early 20s. It's some shit, but it's the world I live in. Shame of it all is, I really like this girl. She's got her life together and knows what she wants, and is sexy as hell to boot. Got a soft spot for redheads on top of it. Alas, gotta do the right thing.


 
Well, I don't agree that age is just a number honestly. There's no LEGAL backlash, but do you expect it to be a long term relationship? Sure, early to mid 20's doesn't sound like a big difference but it is. A person changes a lot between 18-25. Long term it's a crapshoot at best. 

Your reputation as a professional is at stake with situations like this. I think you made the right decision not to do anything.


----------



## -42-

* How many &#8220;friend-zoned&#8221; guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they&#8217;ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won&#8217;t screw. *


----------



## texshred777

-42- said:


> * How many friend-zoned guys does it take to change a light bulb? None theyll just compliment it and get pissed when it wont screw. *


 
Yep, those "nice guys" finish last...


----------



## Church2224

gabexedge said:


> Everyone has listed great points about this and i'm sure there's no need for reiterating it. You've already caught her attention if she hasn't avoided you after the first time so just go for it without being too aggressive. Just muster up all the "balls" you have and pop that inevitable question before she friend zones you. I'm sure you'll do well, man.
> 
> 1) Ask her out on date
> 2) Kiss that babe
> 3) ?????
> 4) Profit



Thanks Gabe. I have been nervous as hell about this for the past few days and it has been on my mind a lot. I appreciate all of the help and support from everyone here. Honestly, in my 21 years of being on this planet, this is the first time I am going to ask a girl out, so my nerves are getting to me. I never met a girl who is that attractive and who actually WANTS to talk to me , maybe I am doing something right...


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Church2224 said:


> Thanks Gabe. I have been nervous as hell about this for the past few days and it has been on my mind a lot. I appreciate all of the help and support from everyone here. Honestly, in my 21 years of being on this planet, this is the first time I am going to ask a girl out, so my nerves are getting to me. I never met a girl who is that attractive and who actually WANTS to talk to me , maybe I am doing something right...


 
Really dont be nervous man, she's just a girl. Think about this: in the last month or so, she's probably eaten something she regreted and took a massive, clensing shit while swearing she'll never go to chipotle again. Should take some of the pressure off.


----------



## Church2224

glassmoon0fo said:


> Really dont be nervous man, she's just a girl. Think about this: in the last month or so, she's probably eaten something she regreted and took a massive, clensing shit while swearing she'll never go to chipotle again. Should take some of the pressure off.



 that made my day, thanks man. 

Well, hopefully in 48 hours I will have something and I might have to keep coming back year bugging you all for help.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

No prob bro. We tend to put women up on a pedistal, but the truth is they're looking for a good man, not a nervous boy. If you've found someone you like, that's great, but don't fall into the trap of seeing all the things that could be if you can only get it right. She's into you, so the closer you get to making something out of it, the easier it should get and the less nervous you should be. Just ask her out like a G and take any chance you get to show her the kind of guy she could have the priviledge to be with. Good luck bro!


----------



## Kiwimetal101

glassmoon0fo said:


> Really dont be nervous man, she's just a girl. Think about this: in the last month or so, she's probably eaten something she regreted and took a massive, clensing shit while swearing she'll never go to chipotle again. Should take some of the pressure off.



Thats the best post I've seen in awhile, I'm currently looking at my dinner with that beautiful image in my head.. Thank you sir..


----------



## Stealthdjentstic

Konfyouzd said:


> Started off as lunch today... Then she decided to go to some 3 hr conference for work and asked to reschedule for tomorrow night... So I said fuck it why not?
> 
> Could be cool. Going out for Indian food.



Dude you gotta stop coming over unexpectedly asking me to make you food like that on demand!


----------



## Konfyouzd

So if I'm lucky I think this one might actually like me... We'll see.

It was pretty awesome, though. Started off with dinner at this Indian restaurant near my house. I had no idea they had a house piano player. That was pretty sweet. Food was amazing.

Afterwards we got invited to a party over at my buddy's place. We got hammered, played guitar and passed out... 

Next morning breakfast and she came back to my house and hung out til about dusk... Longest date ever... 

I'ma make this one mine...

EDIT: That's only like the 100th time I've said that...


----------



## Church2224

Well tomorrow is the day, any suggestions on what to talk about before I ask her or how to lead up to it?


----------



## InfinityCollision

Konfyouzd said:


> So if I'm lucky I think this one might actually like me... We'll see.
> 
> It was pretty awesome, though. Started off with dinner at this Indian restaurant near my house. I had no idea they had a house piano player. That was pretty sweet. Food was amazing.
> 
> Afterwards we got invited to a party over at my buddy's place. We got hammered, played guitar and passed out...
> 
> Next morning breakfast and she came back to my house and hung out til about dusk... Longest date ever...
> 
> I'ma make this one mine...
> 
> EDIT: That's only like the 100th time I've said that...



Dude, if she hung arount the entire next day you've already got it made. 

Had a date Saturday night and the bitch decided to drop the fact that some ex of hers just popped up in her life again at said date... So I'm pretty sure I just got friendzoned, which is _fucking weird_ because she was really into me  Whatever! I'm going dancing next Wednesday after finals, with or without her 

Of course the next day an entirely different chick is all over me... but I'm not interested in her  Figures.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Church2224 said:


> Well tomorrow is the day, any suggestions on what to talk about before I ask her or how to lead up to it?



Since it sounds like you've found it really easy to talk to her before id say not to over think it to much, otherwise it will get all serious and awkward, just keep doing what you're doing and be reasonably casual when you drop the line..


----------



## Konfyouzd

InfinityCollision said:


> Dude, if she hung arount the entire next day you've already got it made.
> 
> Had a date Saturday night and the bitch decided to drop the fact that some ex of hers just popped up in her life again at said date... So I'm pretty sure I just got friendzoned, which is _fucking weird_ because she was really into me  Whatever! I'm going dancing next Wednesday after finals, with or without her
> 
> Of course the next day an entirely different chick is all over me... but I'm not interested in her  Figures.



That's unusual dinner convo... "So there's this other dude..."

Maybe she wants a double meat treat...?

I've had chicks ask ab having a 3-way w another dude. Not sure I can do that...


----------



## InfinityCollision

Konfyouzd said:


> That's unusual dinner convo... "So there's this other dude..."
> 
> Maybe she wants a double meat treat...?
> 
> I've had chicks ask ab having a 3-way w another dude. Not sure I can do that...



Man, I wish. This is a chick I've been trying to get a date with for a couple weeks now (schedule conflicts, school/work/etc), and she was really into me when that first kicked off. The guy has been sort of in the periphery of her life again for a couple months now (I know several of her friends, have met him a couple times), but this only happened the day of or before the date (forgot which). Body language was totally different at the date - clear separation, not a lot of eye contact, zero room for anything beyond a slightly awkward hug at the end of the night (not that I really wanted to try for more at that point). What was supposed to be a nice, casual hour or two ended up being around half an hour of conversation before we went our seperate ways. Pretty pissed/disappointed about it.

EDIT: I do appreciate her honesty in telling me right off the bat, but still... Quite the turnaround. She didn't commit to him at any point in the conversation, but the body language was pretty clear and it's never a good feeling to be discarded so easily.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I guess it's better to find out it won't work early. I usually just decide iit won't for my own stupid arbitrary reasons.


----------



## Church2224

Well, she said yes! Trying to find a time or plan something out. Thanks for all your help, I think this might work out after all.


----------



## JosephAOI

Good luck, mang!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Don't do anything I wouldn't do!


----------



## Church2224

Thanks guys. Problem is scheduling it, we are both really busy, I doubt it will happen until after Christmas.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Make time, son!


----------



## flint757

Yeah don't wait that long if you can avoid it. Invite her over for dinner or something, you both have to eat.


----------



## The Reverend

So my whole 'It pays to be creepy' kick paid off, then fizzled to nothing. 

I'm getting unintentionally blown off! How the hell do you find time to talk to someone who works two jobs and is constantly doing off-the-wall shit? I'll just have to post a picture of my six-pack on Facebook and see what happens.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Girls think they're uber important until they hit 30 and aren't married... It's all good.


----------



## Lirtle

Hey guys just remember that you're not missing out on anything:
This is my life 24/7


----------



## Koloss85

I'm in a weird space right now when it comes to women. Its been a long time since I was in a relationship. Every now and then, I get pretty lonely and think maybe its time I get back out there in the game, but I also don't have the desire to play the game; not to mention deal with the bullshit that comes with relationships.
I've never been the guy that women are just dying to be with; any women I have attracted and been with has only been after alot of work and stress on my part. It never happens organically. Add to that nowadays, I'm always broke with a dead end low paying job, have a huge amount of student debt, and live with my parents (can't afford my own place or a place witha roommate). So these things don't really help my game.
So then I just end up saying fuck it. Ya know, indifferent. I'm not exactly insecure and I'm comfortable being alone (maybe too comfortable) but every now and then you know-lonely. Like now that its the holidays, I'll be by myself. Not that I feel all "poor me", but I wonder if I'm setting myself up to be an lonely hermit fuck down the line. Who knows?
I could elaborate more, but don't want to turn this into a psychiatry thread. Just sharing where I'm at now.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^ You sound EXACTLY like me except that most ppl would consider my job to be pretty damn good. It doesn't really help the woman situation.

It's been 10 years since the last time I had a gf and to be honest, even though I still ask chicks out and like to flirt with them I really have no desire to actually be in a relationship. Every time I start getting to the point that it might go there I find a way to "disappear."

In fact, one chick gave me the nickname Houdini once because I did it like... Well I did it a lot...

Some folks just do better alone and I seem to come to that very conclusion almost every time I try to be with someone. 

Sometimes things change though, as the chick I'm currently talking to is kind of cool and perhaps even good for me considering certain hangups I have about life in general that even I realize make no fucking sense. But peep it, the best things in life seem to happen when you aren't looking for them. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW... Most cliche thing I could ever say in response to your post, however, I've found it to be incredibly true nonetheless. Maybe that's why it's a cliche...

I was fed up with looking for band members and at the point where I decided, "Well fuck it, I'll just do it all myself," a drummer and multi-instrumentalist fell into my lap. 

Life is a mysterious mistress, my friend.


----------



## Koloss85

We'll see man. My main priority now is to get on my feet and established. If the right woman comes along, great; if not, oh well. It would be nice, but I'm not holding my breath you know?


----------



## Mendez

^I'm on the same boat, but i broke my no gf steak a while back. Of course I'm back to being single, while going to school and having a shitty job. I'm actually liking the idea of being alone after a while. Especially after the relationship i just got out...makes wanting to be alone all that better


----------



## Konfyouzd

Koloss85 said:


> We'll see man. My main priority now is to get on my feet and established. If the right woman comes along, great; if not, oh well. It would be nice, but I'm not holding my breath you know?



That's the way to do it, man. Take care of #1 first and foremost. Women will come and go like the wind.


----------



## JoeyW

Hey guys! I was hoping to get some insight into this little predicament I've gotten myself into. 
Basically, I've been dating this girl for about a week now. She's real nice and everything, she plays in a band, and is really good looking. However, I feel that I REALLY jumped the gun on starting any sort of relationship with her. Why? Well, within 3 days she managed to set off all of my 'crazy' alarms. By 'crazy alarms' I mean she's telling me that she 'Loves' me and is sending long winded texts about how much I mean to her and how she &#8216;never wants to lose me&#8217;. At first I thought 'Oh cute, she's just joking around' but recently I've gotten the feeling that she's not... Like, at all. Other issues are that she seems to tell very small lies that are very transparent and she gets upset if I don&#8217;t respond with the same ludacris amounts of affection that I described. All of these things are things I&#8217;m really not down for in a relationship. Here&#8217;s the problem though: I&#8217;ve also found out that she&#8217;s a cutter, paired with the fact that she's currently going through a very stressful situation with her schooling. Since I feel that I could have easily stopped and assessed the situation before leading her on I don&#8217;t know how to handle this is a way that she won&#8217;t be extremely upset. Any advice? 

From this I&#8217;ve realized two very important things:

1) I don&#8217;t want to be in a relationship at this point in my life. It isn't practical. I teach music until 8:00 Tue-Fri and then my band reherses 3-5 days a week. PLUS I do session work on the weekends.
2) At the risk of contradicting &#8216;1)&#8217; I&#8217;m not over my previous lady friend and I was just feeling kind of lonely when this girl came along. Which was VERY unfair of me .


----------



## InfinityCollision

The Reverend said:


> So my whole 'It pays to be creepy' kick paid off, then fizzled to nothing.
> 
> I'm getting unintentionally blown off! How the hell do you find time to talk to someone who works two jobs and is constantly doing off-the-wall shit? I'll just have to post a picture of my six-pack on Facebook and see what happens.


If she's flat-out not talking to you it's likely not unintentional. If she's still texting, messaging, or whatever when she can then she's probably just that busy, but if she's interested she ought to take a couple seconds every now and then to respond, even if it's way after you.



Koloss85 said:


> I'm in a weird space right now when it comes to women. Its been a long time since I was in a relationship. Every now and then, I get pretty lonely and think maybe its time I get back out there in the game, but I also don't have the desire to play the game; not to mention deal with the bullshit that comes with relationships.
> I've never been the guy that women are just dying to be with; any women I have attracted and been with has only been after alot of work and stress on my part. It never happens organically. Add to that nowadays, I'm always broke with a dead end low paying job, have a huge amount of student debt, and live with my parents (can't afford my own place or a place witha roommate). So these things don't really help my game.
> So then I just end up saying fuck it. Ya know, indifferent. I'm not exactly insecure and I'm comfortable being alone (maybe too comfortable) but every now and then you know-lonely. Like now that its the holidays, I'll be by myself. Not that I feel all "poor me", but I wonder if I'm setting myself up to be an lonely hermit fuck down the line. Who knows?
> I could elaborate more, but don't want to turn this into a psychiatry thread. Just sharing where I'm at now.


Few things here real quick:

-There is no "game" unless you're both playing. If you don't want to deal with that, don't play. You can pick up chicks just fine without doing so and I find that a no-bullshit attitude filters out a lot of undesirable things.
-Relationships should not bring a lot of bullshit into your life. There's always some issues associated with having somebody as such a big part of your life, but the two of you should be able to work through them together. If you can't, that usually indicates issues with either the relationship or one/both of the people in it.
-Working for pussy is going to make it harder to get any, not easier. The whole nice guy thing, while often misunderstood, has merit. The life situation doesn't help either, but if you can identify solutions or at least improve your standings then that'll help and the self-esteem boost that comes with that will go a long way. What about you might be found undesirable, and is it something that you want to change independent of how a woman might perceive it? I'm a working student living at home due to some family stuff, but it hasn't been a killer problem.




JoeyW said:


> Hey guys! I was hoping to get some insight into this little predicament I've gotten myself into.
> Basically, I've been dating this girl for about a week now. She's real nice and everything, she plays in a band, and is really good looking. However, I feel that I REALLY jumped the gun on starting any sort of relationship with her. Why? Well, within 3 days she managed to set off all of my 'crazy' alarms. By 'crazy alarms' I mean she's telling me that she 'Loves' me and is sending long winded texts about how much I mean to her and how she &#8216;never wants to lose me&#8217;. At first I thought 'Oh cute, she's just joking around' but recently I've gotten the feeling that she's not... Like, at all. Other issues are that she seems to tell very small lies that are very transparent and she gets upset if I don&#8217;t respond with the same ludacris amounts of affection that I described. All of these things are things I&#8217;m really not down for in a relationship. Here&#8217;s the problem though: I&#8217;ve also found out that she&#8217;s a cutter, paired with the fact that she's currently going through a very stressful situation with her schooling. Since I feel that I could have easily stopped and assessed the situation before leading her on I don&#8217;t know how to handle this is a way that she won&#8217;t be extremely upset. Any advice?
> 
> From this I&#8217;ve realized two very important things:
> 
> 1) I don&#8217;t want to be in a relationship at this point in my life. It isn't practical. I teach music until 8:00 Tue-Fri and then my band reherses 3-5 days a week. PLUS I do session work on the weekends.
> 2) At the risk of contradicting &#8216;1)&#8217; I&#8217;m not over my previous lady friend and I was just feeling kind of lonely when this girl came along. Which was VERY unfair of me .


Get out. It's probably going to be ugly and unpleasant, but you need to take care of yourself here and that means getting the hell out before things can possibly get worse (which they will). Also, stop jumping into relationships just because you're lonely and posting in grey.


----------



## JoeyW

^ I don't know why it turned grey haha


----------



## InfinityCollision

Couldn't resist, it's sooo relevant to your situation  I've been there though, don't think it ever really ends well with crazy chicks. As for your life situation... I'm an engineering student and work fulltime, plus I have some fairly inflexible commitments most afternoons I'm not working. It's hard for me to find time for all that, music, and a social life, but it's possible. It's important that you both understand where you stand in terms of time commitments though so that she's okay with making the most of the time you can give and doesn't demand what you can't.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

@joey: I had a similar situation a few months ago where I was kinda seeing this girl for awhile, nothing serious or official but was hanging around to scope things out.. Quickly realized she wasn't right in the head one night where she got drunk and started texting me saying she was gonna go jump of the bridge..

This keept on happening every week where I'd wake up on a Friday to like 30 texts from her saying 'you don't care, fine whatever I'm going to jump of the bridge goodbye' and all this other shit, then she'd text me like nothing happened and it was no big deal until she got drunk again, also found out some stuff she said was complete shit as wel (parents 'abandoning' her etc)..

At the end of the day we don't need people like that in our lives, they need to sort themselves out and you probs can't do much, I'd say just break it off before it goes to far


----------



## JoeyW

Thanks for the advice guys! I think I'm gonna break it off after I'm off work tonight.


----------



## The Reverend

InfinityCollision said:


> If she's flat-out not talking to you it's likely not unintentional. If she's still texting, messaging, or whatever when she can then she's probably just that busy, but if she's interested she ought to take a couple seconds every now and then to respond, even if it's way after you.



She usually texts me first, I'll text her back, and then I won't hear anything back for hours. Then I'll see her going to an exotic animal zoo on Facebook and be like, "Oh." 

@Joey:

I think you're making a smart decision.


----------



## Cynic

Girlfriend's birthday is next Saturday, and I don't know what to do. I don't make just a whole lot of money, but I would rather not give her some bracelet and call it a day.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

The Reverend said:


> Then I'll see her going to an exotic animal zoo on Facebook and be like, "Oh."



Exotic animal zoo? Wouldn't a zoo with non-exotic animals just be... well... a _farm_?




And on topic: If I don't get some medicine to treat my yellow fever before I leave Korea, I'm going to be very disappointed in myself. I should maybe start putting more than the zero effort I've been putting in to it so far .


----------



## JoeyW

The Reverend said:


> @Joey:
> 
> I think you're making a smart decision.


 
Thanks homie! I broke up with her last night, she took it somewhat badly but not as bad as I was anticipating. I really appreciate the advice guys, you all rul da hardest <33333


----------



## InfinityCollision

The Reverend said:


> She usually texts me first, I'll text her back, and then I won't hear anything back for hours. Then I'll see her going to an exotic animal zoo on Facebook and be like, "Oh."
> 
> @Joey:
> 
> I think you're making a smart decision.



I'm probably biased against her here, but she sounds kinda flakey.

Glad to hear it went okay Joey.


----------



## JosephAOI

Alright, I already know what you guys are going to advise me about this, but I know what I want here.

My ex and I are having lunch tomorrow because I want her back (See above if you're about to tell me not to). I've been the one who fucked up our entire relationship and It's an absolute fucking miracle that I have another chance with her. I need some advice on how to get her back, basically.


----------



## Takemyevil

Alrighty guys I've got a bit of a predicament on my hands  

So my girlfriend broke up with me on Monday. When she broke up with me we had both already bought each other Christmas presents (we she bought me my Christmas present, i bought her one for her birthday which is just before Christmas). She gave me mine when she broke up with me and i offered to give her her's but she said to give it to someone else as she didn't want it. This would be fine if the present hadn't been a personalised necklace with an envelope containing a note caved into wood with both our names on it.

This leaves me with a bit of a split decision, part of me wants to give it to her anyway (I'd probably take out the bit with our names on because i think that would just make her sad) but i also feel like she didn't want it so giving it to her would be pointless.

Anyway, what do you guys think, i know you're all secretly masters of relationships


----------



## flint757

JosephAOI said:


> Alright, I already know what you guys are going to advise me about this, but I know what I want here.
> 
> My ex and I are having lunch tomorrow because I want her back (See above if you're about to tell me not to). I've been the one who fucked up our entire relationship and It's an absolute fucking miracle that I have another chance with her. I need some advice on how to get her back, basically.



Depends on her and what you did.


----------



## JosephAOI

I was pretty much just ungrateful to have her and when things got bad between us, I was the chickenshit who let it go. She always tried to make things work but I hadn't realized what I really had back then and didn't try to make it work. That was really the main problem.


----------



## Genome

I've got two girls at work who are interested in me. But I've just got out of a huge relationship and I'm not ready to even think of other women yet.

Fucking first world problems, eh?


----------



## JosephAOI

So, she texted me and said she could talk tonight. So we met up, went to Starbucks and talked, things went well. We decided to go hang out at Wal-Mart (When we were dating, we hung out at department stores a lot) and things went really well. Kissed her a couple times. Then we leave, headed back to my place. Had a nice make-out session and then she had to be home. She'll be back tomorrow though. So basically I've got her back  This time though, I'm gonna make sure I don't fuck anything up.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

are you 100% you have her back? as in did you talk about it and both agree? congrats either way man, sound like it's looking good for you


----------



## Cynic

Thrashmanzac said:


> are you 100% you have her back? as in did you talk about it and both agree? congrats either way man, sound like it's looking good for you



Yeah, it might sound dumb, but you may want to talk with her and see where you two stand.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

So today I hung out with a girl I met last year in physics, we started talking more this year and texting.And today consisted of lots of tonsil tag and swallow each others faces, shit was cray. and a cool part is she will probably watch nerdy stuff with me, cause she recommended that I watch Dr. Who.


----------



## SnowfaLL

Cynic said:


> Yeah, it might sound dumb, but you may want to talk with her and see where you two stand.



Yea really play it up in a way that shows you've changed but not begging for her back.. just say you made a mistake and realize how important she is to you..

I did the same basically,was with a girl for four years and let her go even when she tried her best and was perfect.. Sadly she's like engaged with another guy now two years later so I can't fix it now that I'm moving back to that city, and even though I've dated three others so far I still miss her like crazy.. so it's great you have a shot to get her back. Don't f it up


----------



## Kidneythief

So for the last 3 Months I've been seeing a girl I've known for some time now. We have been hooking up, but it was never really more then just few one-night stands. Somehow the timing wasn't always perfect. Either I was in a relationship, or her, or we just both got the the point, of being so depressed, that couldn't focus on a relationship or anything else.

In the last 3 Months we started seeing each other again, with her stating: nothing more then f*ckbuddies. I said okay since I enjoy her company, and well the sex is great 

Although in the last times she has been more I don't know...friendlier, closer to me. We spent this whole weekend together, going around in the city, cooking together, playing games, playing guitar (well, she was just watching, and surfing the interwebz)
Anyway today this came up during chat on fb:
Her: I was thinking about the weekend.
Me: Wich one? This, or the next week?
Her: This one off-course. Usually I feel guilty spending a weekend if I don't study for university, or write my essays or at least read for the topics. I always feel that it isn't worth it spending my time so.
Me: And what about this one then?
Her: No guilty feelings.

Could it mean that I'm getting closer to finally crack her defenses and maybe even start something serious? Because I want to, it's just that she doesn't really want to get entangled as I see it. It seems like she has been hurt too much in the past to trust in somebody.

Time will tell I guess...keeping fingers crossed


----------



## timbucktu123

I had a girlfriend then she broke up with me today. im not upset its better off this way in all honesty. but on the bright side im ordering first custom guitar soon


----------



## Kiwimetal101

timbucktu123 said:


> I had a girlfriend then she broke up with me today. im not upset its better off this way in all honesty. but on the bright side im ordering first custom guitar soon



Just think, you'll be able to put your hands allover this one without her ever complaining


----------



## will_shred

It looks like (at least from my perspective) the Lady and I are going to go out seporate ways... She's really amazing, and I love her so much. But the bottom line is that in the future she wants more than anything to be a mom, and I want more than anything to avoid being a parent. 

Doesn't seem like there's any way out of this... 

anyone been in a similar spot?


----------



## Cynic

Well, I finally had sex for the first time yesterday, and I still didn't cum. I don't know what to do.


----------



## Fiction

sex more, and cum you will


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Cynic said:


> Well, I finally had sex for the first time yesterday, and I still didn't cum. I don't know what to do.


 Not sure if good or bad. 
Was it good?


----------



## skeels

Ss.org love and relationships thread...

..and sex...



Sorry. I got no advice for anybody. ..
What do you want? I'm twice divorced. Do you really want to hear my advice?


----------



## Winspear

Cynic said:


> Well, I finally had sex for the first time yesterday, and I still didn't cum. I don't know what to do.



Try again. I used to last for hours when I first started dating my gf but the sex is so good now I barely last 5 minutes


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Cynic said:


> Well, I finally had sex for the first time yesterday, and I still didn't cum. I don't know what to do.



Don't feel bad dude, its all in your head. for guys, climaxing is all about comfort.. what i mean by that is, if you're in the pink for the first time you're not comfortable with it, you're self conscious essentially and not used to yourself in the act. If you're dating this girl there will be more opportunities and i suggest taking them and just have a good time. Just take your time with it, foreplay and all that good stuff gets all the pistons running. In fact simply kissing a lot before raises testosterone levels allowing you to climax more easily. 

tl;dr dont worry, a lot of guys dont the first time and just do it more and get lost in the experience and dont worry about being a porn star.


----------



## MFB

Ibanezsam4 said:


> Dont worry about being a porn star.



But, what if he IS a porn star?!


----------



## MythicSquirrel

I was dating this girl, and we broke up because we both just felt that it wasn't the right time for us to be in a relationship. Just give it more time, and try again later. 
Now, she just isn't even talking to me. I really like her, and have absolutely no idea what to do...


----------



## Arsenal12

For some unknown reason I want to bang my ex wife.


----------



## flint757

MythicSquirrel said:


> I was dating this girl, and we broke up because we both just felt that it wasn't the right time for us to be in a relationship. Just give it more time, and try again later.
> Now, she just isn't even talking to me. I really like her, and have absolutely no idea what to do...



Sorry to say she was probably just trying to be polite during the break up and that politeness is coming back to haunt her. 

Let that be a lesson for everyone. If you break up with someone be straightforward about it. Don't yank someone's chain.



Arsenal12 said:


> For some unknown reason I want to bang my ex wife.



Nothing wrong with that. You were attracted to her at some point.


----------



## Cynic

skeels said:


> Ss.org love and relationships thread...
> 
> ..and sex...
> 
> 
> 
> Sorry. I got no advice for anybody. ..
> What do you want? I'm twice divorced. Do you really want to hear my advice?



I would think that sex is mostly integral to a relationship; I mean, from what I've heard, so why not?




AngstRiddenDreams said:


> Not sure if good or bad.
> Was it good?




It was...interesting? Not fun pumping on and off for a couple hours in the backseat of a car. lol


Thanks for your input, guys!


----------



## Metalus

Cynic said:


> I would think that sex is mostly integral to a relationship; I mean, from what I've heard, so why not?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It was...interesting? Not fun pumping on and off for a couple hours in the backseat of a car. lol
> 
> 
> Thanks for your input, guys!



Try a more comfortable place dude!


----------



## Church2224

Yeah sex is the one thing I am worried about. I am still a virgin and the girl I am trying to form a relationship with has been out with a few guys before. If it comes to that point, I do not know what to do. I do not want it to break the relationship.\

If she wants to wait, that is fine.


----------



## flint757

My suggestion is if it comes to that, tell her you're either rusty (been a long time; lie) or tell her you're fresh to the game (truth). If she has experience she should be more than willing to guide you (everyone has a first time at some point). From what I've been told by a few women they like teaching, in the end they get more out of it (to an extent). Not all women are the same though. If you end up serious it is going to happen eventually so there is no reason to panic.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

My first time was with a gf who knew I was a virgin, honestly wasn't a problem we had been going out for awhile though.. I'd say tell her when it comes up or when she asks and it shouldnt be a problem.. The fact she's your first will mean quite a bit to her too..


----------



## Fiction

Yeah don't bail, just talk it out with her


----------



## Gothic Headhunter

I would like to point out that the guy who started the "Forever Alone" thread is now in a serious relationship. 

Maybe I should start a "Terminal Procrastinators" thread...

Eh, I'll do it tomorrow.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Church2224 said:


> Yeah sex is the one thing I am worried about. I am still a virgin and the girl I am trying to form a relationship with has been out with a few guys before. If it comes to that point, I do not know what to do. I do not want it to break the relationship.\
> 
> If she wants to wait, that is fine.



lost mine to a girl who was experienced, she was really cool with guiding and saying what she wanted, which was awesome because she came away satisfied from the experience and so did i. nothing to sweat dude


----------



## Church2224

Well that takes some of the pressure off, thanks guys. 

Goth, we are not serious, not yet. Trying to take this slow so it will work out. I have been texting her and talking to her on Facebook a little more in the past week, so things are developing.

I do want to add, this had been one of the most stressful things I am going through. It is just, she is nothing like anyone else I have met. I just feel very insecure about this and I am bound to fail, and that even though I am trying things just won;t work out. A guy I know told me the other day that with technology the way it is, girls can meet all sorts of guys and they can find some one better easily. I know she can find some one better than me, I am no prize. Just some redneck guitar player who cuts grass for a living, and I am no prize to look at. 

Idk, maybe I am over thinking this and I am too insecure about it...


----------



## Koloss85

^ exactly. You're overthinking and too insecure about it. 
Relax, and just try to enjoy getting to know her. She's not some queen, a diety, an engineer from prometheus, or any other higher being. She's just a girl youre getting to know. 
Enjoying being in the moment. And with your thoughts, try to also control your emotions. You don't know this girl enough yet to have these strong feelings yet. Like I said, you're overthinking. 
As for the insecurity-working on that is easier said than done. in addition to not elevating her in your mind, you need to work on yourself as well. If your uncomfortable with yourself, work to improve and change. If youre out of shape, start working out and eating right. Not interesting? Read up, educate yourself, maybe travel, take a class or hobby. You play guitar. Develop that more.
This isn't a quick fix; All this is easier said than done, but Im trying to atleast gear your mind in the right direction. Right now, youre' a mess thinking that there's nothing about you a woman would want, develop, or get to know.
Its unattractive to women, but more importantly-A very unhealthy attitude to have and way to live. 
Value yourself bro. With that value will come passion and confidence-2 traits that not only enhance your life-but women truly desire in a man.
Now don't turn into a cocky asshole!


----------



## MFB

Might be falling for a co-worker, uh-oh. Not "uh-oh" because of that scenario, but from what I've heard she's had a boyfriend for years now.


----------



## Mysticlamp

so i just had my first born child, but i'm currently with a different girl who i had a crush on since highschool (5 years ago) we never really kept in touch but i was crazy about her back in the day but she didn't feel the same.
but we hung out once while i was with the mothe rof my child and just kicked it off, fealt like i never had cause we connected like no other, not that i was completly happy with babby mama either. but now i'm dealing with the new girl being jealous of me spending time around my ex to be around my son, and i can tell it's tearing her apart, somewhere my new girl wishes it were hers and she had me all to herself

bleh it's just the craziest situation i've ever been in


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Hey Church, the best thing you can do is to make it so that she never wants to search for anyone better. Be yourself man  
You're a good dude, don't be nervous or think things like you're just some dumb redneck. Self confidence will get you a long ways. Be nice, considerate, and listen. Seriously, listening will make or break a relationship.
In other words, just chill Kevin and you'll be fine.


----------



## Cynic

I came.


----------



## Gothic Headhunter

Congratulations! Now, how was it?


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams




----------



## Cynic

Gothic Headhunter said:


> Congratulations! Now, how was it?



very nice like eating cheesecake except she was eating the cake and it was my dick


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

I'll start a new topic within this topic here.

How do you know when its right to tell a girl you love her? I feel like I'm ready but I dont know if my girlfriend is. Everything with is is perfect. We are mutually altruistic towards one another. We are a perfect match. She brings me so much happiness and has utterly stolen my heart. I want to tell her but I dont know if she is ready to hear it. Advice?


----------



## Mendez

Cynic said:


> I came.



Haha, nothing like a change of pace for this thread


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Make her really happy doing something. Tell her.


----------



## flint757

leftyguitarjoe said:


> I'll start a new topic within this topic here.
> 
> How do you know when its right to tell a girl you love her? I feel like I'm ready but I dont know if my girlfriend is. Everything with is is perfect. We are mutually altruistic towards one another. We are a perfect match. She brings me so much happiness and has utterly stolen my heart. I want to tell her but I dont know if she is ready to hear it. Advice?



How long have y'all been together first and foremost? If it hasn't been very long I'd hold off.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Date 2 = success. And she insists I let her pay "next time."

Good times + saving $$$ ftw

Hopefully this one actually likes me. I've gotten rather far before only to find out we were only friends.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

flint757 said:


> How long have y'all been together first and foremost? If it hasn't been very long I'd hold off.



3 months. In hindsight it doesnt sound very long 

I'm new to this kinda stuff. Thats why I'm I'm asking advice from strangers on the internet


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Konfyouzd said:


> Date 2 = success. And she insists I let her pay "next time."
> 
> Good times + saving $$$ ftw
> 
> Hopefully this one actually likes me. I've gotten rather far before only to find out we were only friends.




Invite her over and cook for her. It will knock her socks off.


And maybe some more articles of clothing


----------



## Andromalia

EtherealEntity said:


> Try again. I used to last for hours when I first started dating my gf but the sex is so good now I barely last 5 minutes



You can actually just bore a girl if it's too long.

Just received a russian scam email, I think I'm going to have a bit of fun with it and play the game for a while. US proxy server for the emails, seriously.


----------



## texshred777

Divorce is finalized. 

Finally unfriended her on FB, her "today's the day!" post rubbed me the wrong way I have to admit.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

texshred777 said:


> Divorce is finalized.
> 
> Finally unfriended her on FB, her "today's the day!" post rubbed me the wrong way I have to admit.


A friend of my dads got divorced a year ago and I have him and his ex on face book and it pissed me off every time I seen a post of her saying stuff about him.


----------



## flint757

leftyguitarjoe said:


> 3 months. In hindsight it doesnt sound very long
> 
> I'm new to this kinda stuff. Thats why I'm I'm asking advice from strangers on the internet



IMO it isn't something you plan, it just sort of happens. It will come out at the right moment pretty effortlessly. Girls don't necessarily expect guys to say it though and if you rush it that could turn her off so waiting, IMO, is a good course of action in general.

I rushed things like that a few times in grade school and it seemed to do more harm than good if too soon. YMMV


----------



## Konfyouzd

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Invite her over and cook for her. It will knock her socks off.
> 
> 
> And maybe some more articles of clothing



Yea tends to work. She says this time I have to come to the city. She's in DC and I'm in VA.

She's also a vegetarian so it's probably good that I wait on trying to cook for her. I'm lost if there are no pork products involved. Love me some swine.


----------



## Andromalia

Konfyouzd said:


> She's also a vegetarian


Flee.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Why? 

Doesn't bother me much. I eat meat in front of her all the time. She's not down with wearing fur, but I don't do that anyway and I feel like killing an animal for it's skin is kinda jacked up anyway so that's not really a point of contention either. As long as she doesn't tell me I can't eat bacon, pulled pork, collard greens with neck bones, pork chops or ham, I'm A-Okay...


----------



## glassmoon0fo

texshred777 said:


> Divorce is finalized.
> 
> Finally unfriended her on FB, her "today's the day!" post rubbed me the wrong way I have to admit.


 
Bitches be trippin'. Sucks man, but if that's the way she feels than you're far better off. Go get you some strange!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Wow... That's how she rolls? That's just mean.

Blows my mind that folks can be so cruel to someone with whom they once planned to share "an eternity."


----------



## Arsenal12

Konfyouzd said:


> Wow... That's how she rolls? That's just mean.
> 
> Blows my mind that folks can be so cruel to someone with whom they once planned to share "an eternity."



yea, don't be surprised. marriage doesn't mean a whole lot these days, and as I found out having a child together doesn't necessarily mean much either. pretty shocking overall.


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## renzoip

Konfyouzd said:


> Why?
> 
> Doesn't bother me much. I eat meat in front of her all the time. She's not down with wearing fur, but I don't do that anyway and I feel like killing an animal for it's skin is kinda jacked up anyway so that's not really a point of contention either. As long as she doesn't tell me I can't eat bacon, pulled pork, collard greens with neck bones, pork chops or ham, I'm A-Okay...



+1, I never had issues dating girls who ate meat while I was a vegetarian. If one is down to earth about it, then it shouldn't be a problem. In fact, I did go out with one vegetarian chick once and she was the stupidest bitch I've ever dated. Goes to show that lifestyle, and chemistry/compatibility are not that closely related.


----------



## Konfyouzd

The only thing I think could be a problem--and this is thinking WAY far ahead (perhaps too far)--is the situation in which we try to decide how to feed the children. 



> But baby... They don't make a vegetarian happy meal...


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Konfyouzd said:


> Yea tends to work. She says this time I have to come to the city. She's in DC and I'm in VA.
> 
> She's also a vegetarian so it's probably good that I wait on trying to cook for her. I'm lost if there are no pork products involved. Love me some swine.



Go to one of the museums!! I live 2 ish hours away from DC. I'd love to go the the modern art museum with my girlfriend.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Might have to do that. But I fuckin hate DC. For real.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Konfyouzd said:


> Might have to do that. But I fuckin hate DC. For real.



Take the metro in. Dont drive. It makes everything a million times better. You just get off at the Smithsonian station and BAM you're there.


----------



## ASoC

So I'm normally pretty good at "the game" as we all refer to it. I can read signals pretty well and I know when I'm going to succeed. Despite my professed uncaring attitude about it, I find myself talking to a girl I know a lot. Now this obviously means that I want some of that. But, I (and this is a first) really can't tell if shes flirting back or not. Shes really quirky in a fun sort of way and I can't tell if shes just being quirky/friendly or quirky/flirty. Now I've done a lot to make it pretty obvious that I'm interested (I think) and she started talking to me more, but I don't know if its because I hit her up more often or if its because she wants to talk to me...

Shorter version, I'm having trouble reading this girl's signals. Help?


----------



## InfinityCollision

Just give it a shot and see what she does, if you don't know then we sure as hell don't have a clue.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

I hung out with the same girl again and today wad the first time in two years since I touched a bare tit.


----------



## Konfyouzd

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Take the metro in. Dont drive. It makes everything a million times better. You just get off at the Smithsonian station and BAM you're there.



I've lived here 22 years and I work in DC. I know how it works. I just don't like DC.


----------



## Koloss85

ASoC said:


> So I'm normally pretty good at "the game" as we all refer to it. I can read signals pretty well and I know when I'm going to succeed. Despite my professed uncaring attitude about it, I find myself talking to a girl I know a lot. Now this obviously means that I want some of that. But, I (and this is a first) really can't tell if shes flirting back or not. Shes really quirky in a fun sort of way and I can't tell if shes just being quirky/friendly or quirky/flirty. Now I've done a lot to make it pretty obvious that I'm interested (I think) and she started talking to me more, but I don't know if its because I hit her up more often or if its because she wants to talk to me...
> 
> Shorter version, I'm having trouble reading this girl's signals. Help?



Just ask her out dude. Worst she can say is "no". Either way you'll atleast know where you stand and not have to mind fuck yourself on whether or not she's into you. 
The longer you wait, the more likely you'll just get friend-zoned.


----------



## Bekanor

Was supposed to be on a lunch date right now. I've called and tried to find out what's going on, no answer. Same old fucking story. 

I don't know why I keep giving my attention to girls who just plain don't deserve it.


----------



## Koloss85

^I dont know either. No call and no show is ultra disrespectful. Flush her # down the toilet and move on to the next one.
Sorry bro. I know what that feels like. She's not worth your time. And definitely not worth you feeling bad over. Keep your head up.


----------



## texshred777

glassmoon0fo said:


> Bitches be trippin'. Sucks man, but if that's the way she feels than you're far better off. Go get you some strange!


 
It was a bit insensitive. 

I'll think about getting back out there in a couple months. I need some "me" time for awhile. 

I'd gotten some numbers and had some moments of real chemistry with other people since all that started in July-but never took anything further. I learned through those moments that I "still have it" so that was at least encouraging. I'm honestly not ready for anything quite yet.


----------



## Koloss85

There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking time for yourself. If your uncomfortable "getting back out there", take time til you feel you're ready. Things is when you take time you take for yourself, the more you learn about yourself and what you want and where you're going. 
Then-you'll also have a better idea of qualities you'd like in a woman when you're ready to start dating again.


----------



## Bekanor

Koloss85 said:


> ^I dont know either. No call and no show is ultra disrespectful. Flush her # down the toilet and move on to the next one.
> Sorry bro. I know what that feels like. She's not worth your time. And definitely not worth you feeling bad over. Keep your head up.



Apparently she's sick in bed (my guess is hungover from her work xmas party last night). Could be legit but could be bullshit. If she goes to considerable effort to reschedule and make it up to me, fine. If not, laters.


----------



## texshred777

I'd lose her number. Last you heard you were to meet her and she no call, no show'd. Ball's in her court now. Honestly I'd just let that one go unless she has a good excuse. Cancelling is one thing, not having the decency to call/email/text/fucking FB message(worst option) is not a good indicator.


----------



## Bekanor

texshred777 said:


> I'd lose her number. Last you heard you were to meet her and she no call, no show'd. Ball's in her court now. Honestly I'd just let that one go unless she has a good excuse. Cancelling is one thing, not having the decency to call/email/text/fucking FB message(worst option) is not a good indicator.



Oh I'm not going to chase it up or anything. If she comes to me of her own volition with an apology (I'm an understanding guy) and a pretty awesome date planned without me having to do anything but be at her place at a certain time then I'm in.

I doubt that will happen and I don't really care anymore. I've had a gut full of putting myself out there and getting jerked around for the trouble.


----------



## Koloss85

I call bullshit. Lose her number dude. Seriously dude, when you buy into her excuses or just go along with this behavior, you almost teach her its okay to disrespect you-to not value your time. 
No matter why (her bullshit hangover...) fact is she no called / no showed. If this were a job, she'd be fired. Why? because on top of being disrespectful, it shows she doesn't give a shit. 
So if I were you, I'd set up some new "interviews" with prospect "employees".


----------



## Bekanor

Koloss85 said:


> I call bullshit. Lose her number dude. Seriously dude, when you buy into her excuses or just go along with this behavior, you almost teach her its okay to disrespect you-to not value your time.
> No matter why (her bullshit hangover...) fact is she no called / no showed. If this were a job, she'd be fired. Why? because on top of being disrespectful, it shows she doesn't give a shit.
> So if I were you, I'd set up some new "interviews" with prospect "employees".



If there were any prospective employees I wouldn't hesitate. But the fact is that this is a very small town with a very small population of women who are both attractive and are attracted to men who aren't good looking in the conventional sense (I'm a handsome guy in my own way, but this town defines "conventional", "average" and "mundane as fuck"). Most girls in this town are club skanks and I don't have to tell you the kind of orange, shark testosterone injecting monstrosities they're attracted to.

Long story short, my money is on "I'm sorry, I don't know where my head is at right now and I don't want to string you along" as the next thing I hear from her so whether I'll accept an apology or not is moot.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Koloss85 said:


> I call bullshit. Lose her number dude. Seriously dude, when you buy into her excuses or just go along with this behavior, you almost teach her its okay to disrespect you-to not value your time.
> No matter why (her bullshit hangover...) fact is she no called / no showed. If this were a job, she'd be fired. Why? because on top of being disrespectful, it shows she doesn't give a shit.
> So if I were you, I'd set up some new "interviews" with prospect "employees".


 


Letting someone disrepect you is you disrespecting yourself.


----------



## jwade

Bekanor said:


> Was supposed to be on a lunch date right now. I've called and tried to find out what's going on, no answer. Same old fucking story.
> 
> I don't know why I keep giving my attention to girls who just plain don't deserve it.





Koloss85 said:


> ^I dont know either. No call and no show is ultra disrespectful. Flush her # down the toilet and move on to the next one.
> Sorry bro. I know what that feels like. She's not worth your time. And definitely not worth you feeling bad over. Keep your head up.





Bekanor said:


> Apparently she's sick in bed (my guess is hungover from her work xmas party last night). Could be legit but could be bullshit. If she goes to considerable effort to reschedule and make it up to me, fine. If not, laters.


Has she given you previous reason to believe her to be a liar? If you like this girl, why aren't you giving her the benefit of the doubt? If I had arranged to have lunch with someone and they had to cancel because of an illness, I wouldn't say 'fuck this bitch', I'd just let them set a time to try again. What do you have to lose? It isn't like a lunch date not happening is some massive crushing defeat.


----------



## Koloss85

^a hangover isn't an illness. But for the same of argument, we say she's sick. She should absolutely get he benefit of the doubt IF she had made a counter offer and said to set something up for another time. She didn't. That shows disinterest at the least. Why waste time on some who's not interested in you? (Not to mention, disrespectful)


----------



## jwade

I'm sorry, but your attitude towards this seems very bitter. Be rational here, someone that's sick isn't going to be thinking "Holy shit, I should set up a new date RIGHT NOW!"

No, you sit there coughing/puking/shitting until you're better, and then call people up and be like 'yo, hangouts?'


----------



## Koloss85

Well, I assure you, I'm not bitter. I'm not even involved in the situation. 
Tell you what, it's been about enough time by now to recover from a hangover, lets see if she initiates a another date with this gentleman. ..

But the fact remains even when hungover, it takes about 30 seconds and no energy to even text saying you're not feeling well and ask for a rain check. It was disrespectful no matter how you slice it. 
Once again, I'm not mad or bitter, I don't even know these people. Just calling it like I see it.


----------



## zero_end

> Most girls in this town are club skanks and I don't have to tell you the kind of orange, shark testosterone injecting monstrosities they're attracted to.



Sounds like The Jersey Shore. I've watched that tv show for about 5 minutes and I've felt how millions of my brain cells died, like worse than a hardcore tequila bing!

To you and the rest of the SS comunnity: those type of skanks are so not worth it; your time, energy & resources. Even if any of you are into one nite stands, they're so not worth it, trust me  better options out there


----------



## zero_end

Koloss85 said:


> Well, I assure you, I'm not bitter. I'm not even involved in the situation.
> Tell you what, it's been about enough time by now to recover from a hangover, lets see if she initiates a another date with this gentleman. ..
> 
> But the fact remains even when hungover, it takes about 30 seconds and no energy to even text saying you're not feeling well and ask for a rain check. It was disrespectful no matter how you slice it.
> Once again, I'm not mad or bitter, I don't even know these people. Just calling it like I see it.



Yep, that´s life. You have to learn form it and move on, face held high and look for better chances


----------



## Bekanor

jwade said:


> Has she given you previous reason to believe her to be a liar? If you like this girl, why aren't you giving her the benefit of the doubt? If I had arranged to have lunch with someone and they had to cancel because of an illness, I wouldn't say 'fuck this bitch', I'd just let them set a time to try again. What do you have to lose? It isn't like a lunch date not happening is some massive crushing defeat.



Without getting into the whole thing, yes she has. It's kind of been an ongoing thing for a while now and this is the same MO as before. Make date, happy times. Date comes around, complete cessation of communication until after it's too late to reschedule for that day. Some BS to come later. 

Like you say it's not a crushing defeat and it's not like I've ever turned down something good to make a date with her, I just don't have any patience left for it so I'm done and looking elsewhere.


----------



## texshred777

Good choice. 

At best it's an attention/power game. Fuck that.


----------



## Koloss85

Bekanor said:


> Without getting into the whole thing, yes she has. It's kind of been an ongoing thing for a while now and this is the same MO as before. Make date, happy times. Date comes around, complete cessation of communication until after it's too late to reschedule for that day. Some BS to come later.
> 
> Like you say it's not a crushing defeat and it's not like I've ever turned down something good to make a date with her, I just don't have any patience left for it so I'm done and looking elsewhere.





Thatta boy. Head up.


----------



## Metal_Webb

zero_end said:


> Sounds like The Jersey Shore. I've watched that tv show for about 5 minutes and I've felt how millions of my brain cells died, like worse than a hardcore tequila bing!



Just to give you an idea, here's 2 photos from local nightclubs showing both sides of the gender coin












This is what we have to deal with around here


----------



## Bekanor

Look at that orange STD dispensary with the fake tits. God I hate this town.


----------



## Fiction

..awkward, im in one of those.


----------



## Adrian-XI

Fiction said:


> ..awkward, im in one of those.



HAHAHA! Awesome.


----------



## Genome

Fiction said:


> ..awkward, im in one of those.



One of the photos, or one of the girls?


----------



## UnderTheSign

Bekanor said:


> Look at that orange STD dispensary with the fake tits. God I hate this town.


I dunno, if she looked less coked up I'd hit it


----------



## Konfyouzd

I see bros and hoes...


----------



## jwade

Bekanor said:


> Without getting into the whole thing, yes she has. It's kind of been an ongoing thing for a while now and this is the same MO as before. Make date, happy times. Date comes around, complete cessation of communication until after it's too late to reschedule for that day. Some BS to come later.
> 
> Like you say it's not a crushing defeat and it's not like I've ever turned down something good to make a date with her, I just don't have any patience left for it so I'm done and looking elsewhere.



ah, then that changes my recommendation. Now I'd say ignore her calls/texts/etc and if she asks what your deal is, say you aren't interested and leave it at that. That kind of shit is definitely not worth your time.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

texshred777 said:


> It was a bit insensitive.
> 
> I'll think about getting back out there in a couple months. I need some "me" time for awhile.
> 
> I'd gotten some numbers and had some moments of real chemistry with other people since all that started in July-but never took anything further. I learned through those moments that I "still have it" so that was at least encouraging. I'm honestly not ready for anything quite yet.


 
Hey dude, didn't mean to be insensative! Just saying, I've been on the wrong end of that kind of breakup once before, and the thing that ate me up the most was how easy I was to be put aside. I did the wrong thing and attached her shitty attitude to my own personal identity, and carried it around in the form of baggage longer than I needed to. By all means, take some time for yourself, just don't let any good things pass you buy because youre too busy feeling sorry like I did. I personally now find it easier to rip the bandaid off than drag it out. Either way, that's a shit situation, was just trying to remind you that they keep making more women . Good luck man!


----------



## texshred777

glassmoon0fo said:


> Hey dude, didn't mean to be insensative! Just saying, I've been on the wrong end of that kind of breakup once before, and the thing that ate me up the most was how easy I was to be put aside. I did the wrong thing and attached her shitty attitude to my own personal identity, and carried it around in the form of baggage longer than I needed to. By all means, take some time for yourself, just don't let any good things pass you buy because youre too busy feeling sorry like I did. I personally now find it easier to rip the bandaid off than drag it out. Either way, that's a shit situation, was just trying to remind you that they keep making more women . Good luck man!


 
LOL. 

I was referring to her post being insensitive. I didn't disagree with anything you said. 

edit:
I've had opportunities to move on and either go out on dates or sleep around. I just want to be a more complete and happy person in my own right. I don't want to be with anyone right now, despite that I am lonely.


----------



## Metal_Webb

Fiction said:


> ..awkward, im in one of those.



How's that for pure luck.......oh wait, Newcastle.


----------



## Bekanor

Metal_Webb said:


> How's that for pure luck.......oh wait, Newcastle.



I'm actually surprised that I don't know you and fiction from around the traps.


----------



## Fiction

Let's all meet up, oh and I was kidding I'm not in any f those 

But I wouldn't be surprised as i frequent the Cambridge.


----------



## Bekanor

I'd be down for an SS.org man date.


----------



## leandroab

bunchacunts


----------



## Cynic

Girlfriend broke up with me, and now I'm frustrated.


----------



## bigreddestroyer

Been with my girlfriend almost 8 years. Rent a flat together, she suffers from depression/anxiety and I don't think I can cope anymore, but I can't say anything to her because she's getting better and I don't want to make her any worse. Nearly cheated on her twice and haven't so far because i like to think I'm not that kinda guy, I just feel trapped and don't know what to do


----------



## Murmel

People getting engaged at the age of 18.

May I ask; what in the actual fuck are they thinking?


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Murmel said:


> People getting engaged at the age of 18.
> 
> May I ask; what in the actual fuck are they thinking?


I was married at 2 phhh silly people
But yolo tends to be what they are thinking. and "Imma get some pussy, get som pussy for stealing the monkey."


----------



## MFB

Murmel said:


> People getting engaged at the age of 18.
> 
> May I ask; what in the actual fuck are they thinking?



I see no problem with this depending upon the longevity of the relationship. If theyve been together for say, a year and get engaged then I'm a bit skeptical but if theyve gone through say 3-4 years (all of high-school) and still remained together then I'd say it's a strong relation and they've got a good chance of making it.


----------



## texshred777

Two of my best and oldest friends are married and were first together in high school. They didn't get engaged until years after they got out and went to college and everything. 

I say wait until you at least get in to the last couple years of college before thinking about marriage. At the minimum. Optimally, I'd say wait until you get out into the "real world" as an adult in a career before taking that plunge.


----------



## Arsenal12

I'll take it a step further.. don't bother with marriage unless you really want kids. And then be damn sure future mom isn't a whack job just using you until she gets what she wants and is out. And seriously take their background into consideration (daddy issues are the worst). Good luck!


----------



## 7STRINGWARRIOR

Don't settle for "good enough", it won't ever be good enough. If you meet enough ladies, you'll find something magical. I myself, prefer women with a chocolate face.


----------



## Church2224

7STRINGWARRIOR said:


> Don't settle for "good enough", it won't ever be good enough. If you meet enough ladies, you'll find something magical. I myself, prefer women with a chocolate face.



This, Never settle for less or "good enough." You will regret that...

I know my standards are high, but I know I will be much happier with some one who I know will make me happy.


----------



## Murmel

MFB said:


> I see no problem with this depending upon the longevity of the relationship. If theyve been together for say, a year and get engaged then I'm a bit skeptical but if theyve gone through say 3-4 years (all of high-school) and still remained together then I'd say it's a strong relation and they've got a good chance of making it.


My point is that they will still change. I don't think many people were the same person at 18 as are at 25 after college or whatever


----------



## flint757

Every single person I know personally who got married right out of high school, especially the ones who dated the exact same person since intermediate school, are divorced or contemplating it. 

The lack of experience from such scenarios and the fact that people change dramatically with age (from teen to 20's mostly) can create quite a few problems in a relationship. I'm not even a reflection of myself as a teenager.


----------



## Fiction

Yeah aren't you even shorter now?


----------



## flint757

Fiction said:


> Yeah aren't you even shorter now?





I very well may be.


----------



## TreWatson

girl i like is super vague. don;t even know if she's into me


----------



## Konfyouzd

She wants me.


----------



## Randy

TreWatson said:


> girl i like is super vague. don;t even know if she's into me



Ah, that narrows it down to every girl ever.


----------



## texshred777

People change A LOT between 22-25. And then some more from 25-30(not the same degree). Point is, getting married too young(which I did-married at 21) is a bad idea. You hope that you'll change together, but that rarely happens. 

I don't fathom getting married again. Nor do I want any more kids. I'd get a vasectomy except most Urologists won't touch me(no pun) because I'm only 29, have only one kid and am not married. Plus, there's the chance that I'll change my mind in the future.

I don't see it happening, but stranger things have happened.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

I was with a girl during high school for almost two years, thought it was never gonna end get married one day etc, one day she breaks up with me via text, while im trying to get back together she tells me she cheated on me and lied about it for 6 months and is only telling me because it came out at her school and caused a shit storm... Never thought she was able to do something like that but hey "people change"..

I wont be getting married for a few years, I'm more than happy to be fully committed and live with someone but marriage can wait a few years..


----------



## texshred777

That's rough. 

I don't know that I even want to have the living together experience again. Long term relationship? Sure. But living with someone? The best I can offer on that is perhaps.


----------



## Randy

texshred777 said:


> People change A LOT between 22-25. And then some more from 25-30(not the same degree). Point is, getting married too young(which I did-married at 21) is a bad idea. You hope that you'll change together, but that rarely happens.
> 
> I don't fathom getting married again. Nor do I want any more kids. I'd get a vasectomy except most Urologists won't touch me(no pun) because I'm only 29, have only one kid and am not married. Plus, there's the chance that I'll change my mind in the future.
> 
> I don't see it happening, but stranger things have happened.



Are you and I the same person?


----------



## Kiwimetal101

texshred777 said:


> That's rough.
> 
> I don't know that I even want to have the living together experience again. Long term relationship? Sure. But living with someone? The best I can offer on that is perhaps.



Don't get me wrong im not gonna be moving in after 3 months of dating or anything, but im fairly open to it atm..


----------



## texshred777

Randy said:


> Are you and I the same person?


 
I do love your Avatar gif. 

Deadpool's the shit.


----------



## timbucktu123

so i found out that my ex that broke up with me because she had feelings for the drummer in my band.

i dont want to be to controlling over mine and his friendship but im worried(since she despises me now) that it will affect not only mine and his friendship but also the band.

like im over her but still thats a little to close to home for comfort


----------



## Kiwimetal101

timbucktu123 said:


> so i found out that my ex that broke up with me because she had feelings for the drummer in my band.
> 
> i dont want to be to controlling over mine and his friendship but im worried(since she despises me now) that it will affect not only mine and his friendship but also the band.
> 
> like im over her but still thats a little to close to home for comfort



If they start getting together, just sit him down and say something like "mate, if you choose to do this its probs gonna fuck everything up, band and friendship wise"
then let him decide what he wants to do..


----------



## MFB

Been talking more with co-worker, being my usual self etc... and I seriously cannot tell if she has a boyfriend or not, along with being nice vs being flirtatious. Not getting too in a huff over it, just things thatd be cool to know.


----------



## Murmel

timbucktu123 said:


> so i found out that my ex that broke up with me because she had feelings for the drummer in my band.
> 
> i dont want to be to controlling over mine and his friendship but im worried(since she despises me now) that it will affect not only mine and his friendship but also the band.
> 
> like im over her but still thats a little to close to home for comfort



Trust me, it will fuck things up. A girl I have huge feelings for got together with the drummer of my last band. It made our relationship really strained, and now we barely talk anymore, even though we go to school together. We were actually friends before.

But it's all up to you really, you're the one deciding whether it's gonna work out or not, because you're the one getting hurt. Unfortunately I wasn't man enough.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Update: After getting wasted on new year's eve, I told my girlfriend I loved her and she said it back 

We talked about it some more today and solidified that it wasnt just us being drunk that made it happen  I'm so fucking happy.


----------



## Church2224

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Update: After getting wasted on new year's eve, I told my girlfriend I loved her and she said it back
> 
> We talked about it some more today and solidified that it wasnt just us being drunk that made it happen  I'm so fucking happy.



Congrats man


----------



## JP Universe

I'm feeling extremely happy right now!! I'll try and keep this short.....

Backstory - Met a girl on a contiki tour in North America about 4 years ago. We only got to spend 2 days with each other due to the tour/her leaving/her being on the other bus and we spent one incredible tonight together on the last night.

This was someone who I felt a real connection with and I never felt like I had to try with and I could just be myself blah blah blah.... After we went our seperate ways we both ended up in our own respective relationships with her living in Canada and me back in Australia with a Canadian girl ironically.

We kept in touch through facebook over the years and I guess in the back of my mind I thought this one was the one for me however both our relationships were serious so I never let it come to the forefront.... My relationship ended about 9 months ago with my now ex who never was right for me anyways.

My night tonight - Wished this girl a happy new year on Facebook and we're talking as usual like we haven't missed a beat. She tells me she's back in Australia blah blah and I ask her when she's going back to Canada. Well.....

It turns out she's not going back  Well what about the Boyfriend? Turns out he couldn't get his shit together and is staying over there and they'll be ending it. We talked for about 2 hours and we're flirting and she's like 'I wish you were here' she wants me to go over and visit her in a couple of months  (In another state)

I would give my whole guitar collection away for this girl if I had to.... Just to give you an idea of what she means to me. 

(Well.... not that I would but you get the point) 

Early days I know but I've been waiting for this moment for the last 4 years and this is no 'crush' or anything like that.....

Will update the situation as I'm sure we'll be talking a bit in the coming weeks


----------



## Church2224

I hung out with the girl I am interested in and her friends tonight. First thing she did when she saw me was run up and give me a big old hug and start talking to me. I feel good right now. She also kicked my ass at Lazerquest, she's bad ass.


----------



## soliloquy

god i HATE my gf when she has her insane mood swings. you're insane, its best if i dont say anything while you're under the influence of your moods, so stop pulling shit out of me!


----------



## timbucktu123

Murmel said:


> Trust me, it will fuck things up. A girl I have huge feelings for got together with the drummer of my last band. It made our relationship really strained, and now we barely talk anymore, even though we go to school together. We were actually friends before.
> 
> But it's all up to you really, you're the one deciding whether it's gonna work out or not, because you're the one getting hurt. Unfortunately I wasn't man enough.



ive talked to him before and he denies that it will affect the band or our friendship but i know it will. i told him to ask me again after our first show and well talk. Ill be honest i just want to say i dont want him to


----------



## tacotiklah

This pretty much described my night last night:


My man knows the right way to keep me happy. I approve of this.


----------



## Murmel

timbucktu123 said:


> ive talked to him before and he denies that it will affect the band or our friendship but i know it will. i told him to ask me again after our first show and well talk. Ill be honest i just want to say i dont want him to


As I said, it's almost entierly up to you whether it'll work out or not. I never thought I'd start disliking him, but sure enough, I kinda do.

My suggestion is that if this guy is really important to you, then man the fuck up and try your best not to get messed up about this. I know it's gonna suck, but don't be weak like I was.


----------



## timbucktu123

Murmel said:


> As I said, it's almost entierly up to you whether it'll work out or not. I never thought I'd start disliking him, but sure enough, I kinda do.
> 
> My suggestion is that if this guy is really important to you, then man the fuck up and try your best not to get messed up about this. I know it's gonna suck, but don't be weak like I was.



if the girl didnt hate me i wouldnt be worried. i wouldnt think of him any different to be completely honest. Im completely over her and have moved on to bigger and better things. but ya know how girlfriends can have an influence on a guy so im worried he may stop liking me.

but if it comes down to them dating im no got gunna end our friendship or anything.

also im worried about him because shes literally fucked over every guy she dates and hes one of my close friends and id dont wanna see that happen


----------



## Murmel

^
I thought you still liked her, but if you don't, that makes our situations completely different


----------



## ShredBorland

So my ex calls me today and ask me to go out for a movie.The thing is we've dated for 4 years broke up coz of things not going well between us yes it was kinda ugly but got her talking after few months,now she got herself a bf she's been seeing for an year now they are in same university together so spend most of the time together.I haven't been very lucky ever since my break up with this girl. so pretty much haven't dated anyone in an year now thou we still talk to each other but of lately been talking a lot more frequently and flirt a bit too,and then today she asks me for a movie n pizza kind of date. I really like her too but on the other hand,I wanna know is she really into me again or is it just a casual hanging out session for her Im kinda confused?


----------



## Metal_Webb

So at the New Year's party I was at my best mate's GF brought along her best friend to the party. Well, one could say we hit it off fairly well  We spent most of New Years day together and had a good time. Been chatting with her a fair bit the last week via Facebook and the more I find out the she gets even more appealing (like she used to play TF2 and actually likes BEARDS!!!!).

The only downside is that she lives 2 1/2 - 3 hours away. Not sure if she's after "just a bloke" or something a bit more serious though. Guess I'll just have to find out. Defs going to see where this goes at any rate  She's having a bit of a get together on the 19th, mainly her friends plus my mate and his GF. Just as well I've decided to try to meet lots of new people this year.


/blog


----------



## Winspear

ShredBorland said:


> So my ex calls me today and ask me to go out for a movie.The thing is we've dated for 4 years broke up coz of things not going well between us yes it was kinda ugly but got her talking after few months,now she got herself a bf she's been seeing for an year now they are in same university together so spend most of the time together.I haven't been very lucky ever since my break up with this girl. so pretty much haven't dated anyone in an year now thou we still talk to each other but of lately been talking a lot more frequently and flirt a bit too,and then today she asks me for a movie n pizza kind of date. I really like her too but on the other hand,I wanna know is she really into me again or is it just a casual hanging out session for her Im kinda confused?



She's definitely into you, I presume things are going bad with her current bf. I'd feel like an asshole for seeing her whilst she's in a relationship, but I would meet up a few times until it comes to the point where you can talk about that. As you were together for 4 years before maybe you can make it work, depending why you broke up and how you feel about that deep down..


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

Murmel said:


> People getting engaged at the age of 18.
> 
> May I ask; what in the actual fuck are they thinking?



Depends I guess. My parents got married at 18 (mum) and 23 (dad) and they've been married 26 years now. /shrug


----------



## Church2224

Captain Shoggoth said:


> Depends I guess. My parents got married at 18 (mum) and 23 (dad) and they've been married 26 years now. /shrug



Case by Case basis, I guess it depends on the people involved. Some people get divorced in their 30s after being married for a year.


----------



## InfinityCollision

ShredBorland said:


> So my ex calls me today and ask me to go out for a movie.The thing is we've dated for 4 years broke up coz of things not going well between us yes it was kinda ugly but got her talking after few months,now she got herself a bf she's been seeing for an year now they are in same university together so spend most of the time together.I haven't been very lucky ever since my break up with this girl. so pretty much haven't dated anyone in an year now thou we still talk to each other but of lately been talking a lot more frequently and flirt a bit too,and then today she asks me for a movie n pizza kind of date. I really like her too but on the other hand,I wanna know is she really into me again or is it just a casual hanging out session for her Im kinda confused?



I would hope it's casual. As a general rule I'm not a fan of hooking up with exes. Add in the fact that she's doing this while with another guy and anything more just spells trouble to me.


----------



## ShredBorland

InfinityCollision said:


> I would hope it's casual. As a general rule I'm not a fan of hooking up with exes. Add in the fact that she's doing this while with another guy and anything more just spells trouble to me.



yeah So I did meet her didnt feel the same how when we were back together tehn. She flirted a bit too but generally there was this awkward vibe i got may be dating exes isnt a good idea after all. 
Better start looking for someone new high time!
Appreciate your thoughts!


----------



## indrangelion

First time posting in a thread like this! Was quite inspired to post after reading all of yours!

Relationship-wise, I think I've reached a dead end already. I've been a hermit pretty much since my previous employer let me go. I don't go to pubs, and clubs, mostly because 99% of the girls you meet there are...well...lowlifes and trance music enthusiasts. I am also stuck financially, being self employed in a dead end business, still living with my parents (long story short, I'm the breadwinner for the family), and neck-deep in debts. So I am in no way able to support a long-term relationship. Also, what sane woman would want to be involved in a financially insecure relationship?

It's also to the point where I absolutely despise Facebook, because I get tired of hearing how my friends from high school are getting married and all that. Everytime this happens, I would drink a lot and jack off while listening to Pig Destroyer (true story!) before sleeping it off. I used to get by with the simple thought that all I need in life is music and guitars, but it's the littlest things that remind me of how lonely I really am. Like today, when it was really hot outside, I spent the whole day sitting in my car in the garage while drinking frozen coke quietly before the thought surfaces.

By the way, I've never been in a relationship before. Strange for someone in their late 20's I guess. No virgin though, and it was money well spent. But please don't take pity on me, as I only meant to use this post as an outlet. And I'm horribly infatuated with a camgirl right now, and now I get by by paying her to stare lustily at her camera while I rub one out 

Tl;dr: Good times.


----------



## The Reverend

indrangelion said:


> First time posting in a thread like this! Was quite inspired to post after reading all of yours!
> 
> Relationship-wise, I think I've reached a dead end already. I've been a hermit pretty much since my previous employer let me go. I don't go to pubs, and clubs, mostly because 99% of the girls you meet there are...well...lowlifes and trance music enthusiasts. I am also stuck financially, being self employed in a dead end business, still living with my parents (long story short, I'm the breadwinner for the family), and neck-deep in debts. So I am in no way able to support a long-term relationship. Also, what sane woman would want to be involved in a financially insecure relationship?
> 
> It's also to the point where I absolutely despise Facebook, because I get tired of hearing how my friends from high school are getting married and all that. Everytime this happens, I would drink a lot and jack off while listening to Pig Destroyer (true story!) before sleeping it off. I used to get by with the simple thought that all I need in life is music and guitars, but it's the littlest things that remind me of how lonely I really am. Like today, when it was really hot outside, I spent the whole day sitting in my car in the garage while drinking frozen coke quietly before the thought surfaces.
> 
> By the way, I've never been in a relationship before. Strange for someone in their late 20's I guess. No virgin though, and it was money well spent. But please don't take pity on me, as I only meant to use this post as an outlet. And I'm horribly infatuated with a camgirl right now, and now I get by by paying her to stare lustily at her camera while I rub one out
> 
> Tl;dr: Good times.



What the fuck.


----------



## Church2224

Well, I got a date this Sunday! Wish me luck gentlemen.


----------



## texshred777

Church2224 said:


> Well, I got a date this Sunday! Wish me luck gentlemen.


 
Sweet.


----------



## texshred777

The Reverend said:


> What the fuck.


 
Cocaine's a hell of a drug.


----------



## avenger

indrangelion said:


> First time posting in a thread like this! Was quite inspired to post after reading all of yours!
> 
> *Relationship-wise, I think I've reached a dead end already. I've been a hermit pretty much since my previous employer let me go. I don't go to pubs, and clubs, mostly because 99% of the girls you meet there are...well...lowlifes and trance music enthusiasts.* I am also stuck financially, being self employed in a dead end business, still living with my parents (long story short, I'm the breadwinner for the family), and neck-deep in debts. So I am in no way able to support a long-term relationship. Also, what sane woman would want to be involved in a financially insecure relationship?
> 
> It's also to the point where I absolutely despise Facebook, because I get tired of hearing how my friends from high school are getting married and all that. Everytime this happens, I would drink a lot and jack off while listening to Pig Destroyer (true story!) before sleeping it off. I used to get by with the simple thought that all I need in life is music and guitars, but it's the littlest things that remind me of how lonely I really am. Like today, when it was really hot outside, I spent the whole day sitting in my car in the garage while drinking frozen coke quietly before the thought surfaces.
> 
> By the way, I've never been in a relationship before. Strange for someone in their late 20's I guess. No virgin though, and it was money well spent. But please don't take pity on me, as I only meant to use this post as an outlet. And I'm horribly infatuated with a camgirl right now, and now I get by by paying her to stare lustily at her camera while I rub one out
> 
> Tl;dr: Good times.


Get over the notion that people who go out and socialize and arent die hard metal heads are "lowlifes". You'll find lowlifes in every slice of life as well as great people from all different walks of life.

A club/pub is a great way to meet people and get new friends and experiences, you will still be badass and metal just have fun too. If you are shy its okay everyone is that's why they serve alcohol at these places...

+4 for jacking to pig destroyer, did you use jennifer?


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Church2224 said:


> Well, I got a date this Sunday! Wish me luck gentlemen.



Congrads man! Its about time..







Now dont fuck it up...


----------



## gunshow86de

I'm thinking about posting in this thread =>http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/off-topic/223547-im-back-guy-lol.html

What do?


----------



## JeffFromMtl

^


----------



## Xaios

Post nudes.


----------



## UnderTheSign

indrangelion said:


> First time posting in a thread like this! Was quite inspired to post after reading all of yours!
> 
> Relationship-wise, I think I've reached a dead end already. I've been a hermit pretty much since my previous employer let me go. I don't go to pubs, and clubs, mostly because 99% of the girls you meet there are...well...lowlifes and trance music enthusiasts. I am also stuck financially, being self employed in a dead end business, still living with my parents (long story short, I'm the breadwinner for the family), and neck-deep in debts. So I am in no way able to support a long-term relationship. Also, what sane woman would want to be involved in a financially insecure relationship?
> 
> It's also to the point where I absolutely despise Facebook, because I get tired of hearing how my friends from high school are getting married and all that. Everytime this happens, I would drink a lot and jack off while listening to Pig Destroyer (true story!) before sleeping it off. I used to get by with the simple thought that all I need in life is music and guitars, but it's the littlest things that remind me of how lonely I really am. Like today, when it was really hot outside, I spent the whole day sitting in my car in the garage while drinking frozen coke quietly before the thought surfaces.
> 
> By the way, I've never been in a relationship before. Strange for someone in their late 20's I guess. No virgin though, and it was money well spent. But please don't take pity on me, as I only meant to use this post as an outlet. And I'm horribly infatuated with a camgirl right now, and now I get by by paying her to stare lustily at her camera while I rub one out
> 
> Tl;dr: Good times.


So you're neck deep in debt but spend your money on booze and camgirls?
Not sure if srs


----------



## InfinityCollision

gunshow86de said:


> I'm thinking about posting in this thread =>http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/off-topic/223547-im-back-guy-lol.html
> 
> What do?



What the actual fuck.


----------



## texshred777

UnderTheSign said:


> So you're neck deep in debt but spend your money on booze and camgirls?
> Not sure if srs



Not judging..but it seems the "money well spent" was a better investment than camgirls. There's plenty of free porn out there, and I don't see the real distinct difference between sex cams and porn. Except of course the porn doesn't try to talk more cash out of you.

There's plenty of free vag out there too, but I won't judge a man for seeing a professional..for either head.


----------



## fortisursus

Way to make me feel worthless. 208 pages of ppl's relationships. I've still yet to get into one. I guess some consider me a straight edge.


----------



## Murmel

^
Trust me, 207 of those pages are about people not getting any


----------



## Kiwimetal101

^^ Yea man ive been single for over a year... Most guys here don't have much luck hahaha


----------



## Murmel

I've been single all my life


----------



## Mexi

lol single for a year, try 8+ years on for size and then come back about not having luck


----------



## UnderTheSign

texshred777 said:


> Not judging..but it seems the "money well spent" was a better investment than camgirls. There's plenty of free porn out there, and I don't see the real distinct difference between sex cams and porn. Except of course the porn doesn't try to talk more cash out of you.
> 
> There's plenty of free vag out there too, but I won't judge a man for seeing a professional..for either head.


_By the way, I've never been in a relationship before. Strange for someone in their late 20's I guess. No virgin though, and it was money well spent. But please don't take pity on me, as I only meant to use this post as an outlet. And I'm horribly infatuated with a camgirl right now, and now I get by by paying her to stare lustily at her camera while I rub one out _

I read that as "I paid for a hooker and spend my money on camgirls these days".


----------



## engage757

Kiwimetal101 said:


> ^^ Yea man ive been single for over a year... Most guys here don't have much luck hahaha




Because most guys don't understand a few basic truths to picking up/getting women. It really isn't that hard. I haven't ever had a problem getting whoever I want whenever (which, will get you in trouble at times. )Most guys need to realize a few things;

1.) Confidence- Women like men because they are and have always been protectors and hunters, and whilst they may say otherwise, many women just are secretly turned on by the fact that you are confident in yourself. Be confident! Realize you are a catch! I am NOT saying be smug, impolite or a dick, rather, hold your head up, smile and laugh. Be confident in any situation. If you don't like yourself, how can you expect a woman to like you? They want to know you are secure and confident in yourself, it makes them, in turn, feel secure. If you are confident in yourself, you will have no problem overcoming your natural reservation to speak to someone new. Man or woman. 

2.) PAY ATTENTION- watch her mannerisms. Learn her body language! Is she looking or not? If you pay attention and are observant, you can learn a ton about a woman before you even approach her for the first time. Check out what she does and take mental notes. It is HUGE when a woman realizes that you notice something about her, because it means that you are paying attention, you are into her and you aren't just staring at her chest.

3.) Make friends- Try not to think in your head the entire time you talk to a girl or girls about what you want to do to or with them. This muddles your thought process. Instead, find a common ground with them! If you have been paying attention, by now it shouldn't be too hard to speak to someone, just be friends! Introduce yourself, and DON'T come on too strong! Don't be a perv, just be a nice guy that is easy to talk to and she WANTS to talk to! If you can do that? The conversation should just flow forth! Keep the ball rolling, but don't interrupt her, ask her opinions and thoughts on the matter in conversation and LISTEN TO WHAT SHE IS SAYING. If you are staring at her tits and fantasizing, she will know it. Be in the moment with her and pay attention, listen and respond to her.

4.) Be Polite.-A yes Ma'am goes a long way.



These are just a couple little tips. But trust me, women WANT to fall in love. They WANT you, they just don't know it yet. Be the right guy for yourself and you will start to naturally be confident. Every man has the chance to be with any woman at any time. 

Just remember, you are something special and you do have a lot to offer, for the right lady. DOn't rush out looking for something and then settle too quickly.


----------



## tacotiklah

Murmel said:


> ^
> Trust me, 207 of those pages are about people not getting any



Speak for yourself. 










okay I admit it, I paid for hookers, booze and cam girls


----------



## engage757

ghstofperdition said:


> Speak for yourself.




Agreed!


----------



## BlackMastodon

My girlfriend of almost 2 years and I broke up today. She got accepted to a medical school in Poland (we're both Polish) for a 5 year program and started it this last September. We tried the long distance thing but it was getting really hard on her. She came back for 3 weeks in the end of December and I drove her back to the airport last Saturday for her to go back. The entire time she was here she was acting pretty distant but I convinced her to still try for me. I've been really depressed for the last month because of this but I think it's for the best.

The long distance thing was just way too hard and she needs to focus on med school right now instead of the relationship, and I should focus on my final year of school too instead of dwelling on whether or not she still feels the same way about me. We will stay friends and still talk every now and then and we both agreed that we still love each other and that there will always be room for each other in our lives. Hopefully we will try to revisit this at a different time when she's ready. 

It could have been a lot worse, but at least I kept an amazing person as a friend and can one day come back to her.


----------



## leandroab

So I went down on this girl pretty hard last night for a good while, but when I tried to stick my meatpole inside her coochie I couldn't get a full erection. So we had awkward sex for a while then she kinda gave up. Bummer 

I hate extremely tight vaginas and alcohol. God damn the alcohol. I couldn't cum at all ahhahahahha. I think she got a little upset by that hahhahhaah. She said I made her cum once but I know she's fulla shit ahhaahhahah. 

It was probably the worst sex she ever had. 

I love my life...


----------



## Gothic Headhunter

engage757 said:


> They WANT you, they just don't know it yet.


----------



## The Reverend

leandroab said:


> So I went down on this girl pretty hard last night for a good while, but when I tried to stick my meatpole inside her coochie I couldn't get a full erection. So we had awkward sex for a while then she kinda gave up. Bummer
> 
> I hate extremely tight vaginas and alcohol. God damn the alcohol. I couldn't cum at all ahhahahahha. I think she got a little upset by that hahhahhaah. She said I made her cum once but I know she's fulla shit ahhaahhahah.
> 
> It was probably the worst sex she ever had.
> 
> I love my life...



Man...


FUCK ALCOHOL!!!!! 

I had a drunken thing with a girl I've been friends with for years and who had always been out of my league last year. 

And then, during my one and only shot with her, I could only muster a half-chub. It was ridiculous. I've been drunk and in bed with girls plenty of times, and usually if I've got whiskey dick it's no big deal, but this was literally a once-in-a-lifetime moment. 

I feel your pain, brother.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

Murmel said:


> I've been single all my life



i know that feel man


----------



## Murmel

^
I'm not really bitter about it, but being in love with someone and unable to get them is pretty fucking frustrating.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Don't even get me started on drunken sex. I'll never do that again. Dang.


----------



## leandroab

The Reverend said:


> Man...
> 
> 
> FUCK ALCOHOL!!!!!
> 
> I had a drunken thing with a girl I've been friends with for years and who had always been out of my league last year.
> 
> And then, during my one and only shot with her, I could only muster a half-chub. It was ridiculous. I've been drunk and in bed with girls plenty of times, and usually if I've got whiskey dick it's no big deal, but this was literally a once-in-a-lifetime moment.
> 
> I feel your pain, brother.



Dude I drank a lot last night since it was my birthday . With me alcohol and sex is always unpredictable. Once it was alright. And now this happened. I'm pissed.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

this entire thread depresses the fuck out of me. May I direct you to theattractionforums.com . Seduction is an attitude, and I think maybe most of the people that end up here could use some perspective on what women are looking for, or at least how to get what you want out of your youth. You may not want to accept a few of the absoloute truths being passed around on this forum, but it has always been helpful to me. 

Just trying to help. You guys make my peener cry sometimes


----------



## Watty

glassmoon0fo said:


> this entire thread depresses the fuck out of me.



I hope it didn't take the whole 209 pages to get you to that point, only took me reading a few.


----------



## Metal_Webb

leandroab said:


> So I went down on this girl pretty hard last night for a good while, but when I tried to stick my meatpole inside her coochie I couldn't get a full erection. So we had awkward sex for a while then she kinda gave up. Bummer
> 
> I hate extremely tight vaginas and alcohol. God damn the alcohol. I couldn't cum at all ahhahahahha. I think she got a little upset by that hahhahhaah. She said I made her cum once but I know she's fulla shit ahhaahhahah.
> 
> It was probably the worst sex she ever had.
> 
> I love my life...



Bad times.

P.s. Take up playing fingerstyle bass. That way, no matter how limp your dick is from alcohol intake you can still make her leave with a grin on her face


----------



## m3l-mrq3z

Got dumped two days ago. Fuck.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

thought i'd drop some positivity on this thread, i'm two for two this week. one was Swedish. i think i have finally figured out that picking up girls is all about confidence. i'm fucking killing it atm


----------



## m3l-mrq3z

^I love your profile pic, dude.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

sorry to hear about your break up man  i was in the same place this time last year, had the best year of my life and have never been happier. the only advice i can give to someone that has recently ended a relationship is to make sure you work on being happy by yourself before you look for a new relationship, it will save you alot of shit


----------



## m3l-mrq3z

I am well aware of that, I mean, that you have to be happy on your own in order to be happy with another person and make that person happy, too. 

I will probably start pumping iron again. Nothing better than some exercise to get me out of this state of mind...


----------



## Church2224

So, the girl I was interested in just mentioned she has a boyfriend...


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

I'm sorry Church.


----------



## Church2224

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> I'm sorry Church.



Thanks man. Even though I asked her out, she said yes, and planned something. It sucks, my heart sank and I was beyond pissed off. You just do not lead someone on like that.

But I think it helped me realize something. A lot of people in my age group need a lot of growing up to do. Truth be told I want a long term relationship with a GOOD woman, which is why I have been single for 21 years. The 18-25 year old age bracket is definitely not the place to find this. 

As arrogant and cocky as it sounds, I am a good looking guy with a good heart and a lot going for me, I want to find the right woman. I never compromise my standards in terms of looks or personality. They both may be high, but I know that if I find some one who meets both, I will be a happier man. Well she no longer meets the latter, and I never settle for less. Her loss.

I am not going to write her off, though, or even tell her to fuck off. I am friends with her brother, who is a good guy, and I do not want to burn bridges. I need to be the better man. I never was an asshole, and I am not going to start being one now. 

I am going to take some time to get my head on straight, spend time with good friends and family, get my business off the ground, start lifting weights to impress more women, play more guitar, and get some dating and relationship advice form friends and family. Hell if there was a real life "Hitch" like Will Smith, I would be his number 1 customer. 

Mom and Dad also helped me get over it, they saw me pissed off. I got great parents. 

I just want to thank my friends who helped me out, I think I realized a lot and hopefully it will all lead to me finding the one woman I will spend the rest of my life with. 

There is some one out there for me, and some one out there for each and every one of us. Time, patience and a little but of confidence is all we need.


----------



## m3l-mrq3z

Church2224 said:


> Thanks man. Even though I asked her out, she said yes, and planned something. It sucks, my heart sank and I was beyond pissed off. You just do not lead someone on like that.
> 
> But I think it helped me realize something. A lot of people in my age group need a lot of growing up to do. Truth be told I want a long term relationship with a GOOD woman, which is why I have been single for 21 years. The 18-25 year old age bracket is definitely not the place to find this.
> 
> As arrogant and cocky as it sounds, I am a good looking guy with a good heart and a lot going for me, I want to find the right woman. I never compromise my standards in terms of looks or personality. They both may be high, but I know that if I find some one who meets both, I will be a happier man. Well she no longer meets the latter, and I never settle for less. Her loss.
> 
> I am not going to write her off, though, or even tell her to fuck off. I am friends with her brother, who is a good guy, and I do not want to burn bridges. I need to be the better man. I never was an asshole, and I am not going to start being one now.
> 
> I am going to take some time to get my head on straight, spend time with good friends and family, get my business off the ground, start lifting weights to impress more women, play more guitar, and get some dating and relationship advice form friends and family. Hell if there was a real life "Hitch" like Will Smith, I would be his number 1 customer.
> 
> Mom and Dad also helped me get over it, they saw me pissed off. I got great parents.
> 
> I just want to thank my friends who helped me out, I think I realized a lot and hopefully it will all lead to me finding the one woman I will spend the rest of my life with.
> 
> There is some one out there for me, and some one out there for each and every one of us. Time, patience and a little but of confidence is all we need.



That's the attitude man. You sound like you're an agreeable, confident person. I am sure you will find someone.


----------



## tacotiklah

glassmoon0fo said:


> this entire thread depresses the fuck out of me.
> Just trying to help. You guys make my peener cry sometimes



I dunno about you dude, but I'm enjoying my sex life. Then again a girl's sex life is a bit different, so take this with a grain of salt. Having had sex a week ago (my bf is great at that) AND I may have a potential lead on a hot girl that I like, my love life is great. 

I don't post in here as much as I used to because people like to judge the things I do. So I learned pretty quick to keep that shit to myself since people either don't understand or accept concepts like polyamoury.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

That doesn't sound cocky at all Kevin. A lot of us know you well enough to know that it's true, you're a great dude. Keep looking, you will find a woman eventually. Persistence pays off man.


----------



## Nag

church, some girls just do that. been there.

they're often like, yeah he's nice, so they'll agree on stuff like, yeah let's meet, yeah let's date, and so on, but on the very day it happens they don't show up, or the day before they tell you they can't come or something. just gotta accept that some people just don't give a shit about how it makes YOU feel.


----------



## Murmel

Non-love topic: Why is it so fucking hard to go and ask for jobs/hand out resumés? I can't do it, I get super nervous. I don't even know what to say/who to ask. I wish I could do the entire application online and then just have them accept it or not.

Man, sometimes I really suck at life


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

My girlfriend has the same problem with just about everything.  She's really scared to ask people things because she doesn't wanna bother them.

Sometimes it's a bitch though.


----------



## Murmel

My biggest problem is that they always look at you like "....are you fucking retarded..?" when you first ask them. It's not that I'm shy.

I'm going to go to a job info thing next wednesday for a hotel though, they're looking for summer staff.


----------



## Church2224

One more thing before I leave this thread forever. 

I have discovered that I do not want to waste my time dating, going through relationship to relationship. What I really want is the ONE good woman in my life, just the one, or at least something in the long term, and I really want this person in my life. A beautiful woman with a good heart that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Unfortunately I am 21, still young, and I do not think any one my age wants something like that. 

Is there any thing I should do? Every one says that you discover some one when you least expect it, but I remain skeptical...


----------



## tacotiklah

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> My girlfriend has the same problem with just about everything.  She's really scared to ask people things because she doesn't wanna bother them.
> 
> Sometimes it's a bitch though.




I'm full of random sayings and the like, and I certainly have one that helped me overcome being shy like that. It goes like this:

_Closed mouths will not get fed._

You gotta learn to ask if you want something in life. Otherwise you go without and will remain angry and bitter about how you have nothing, when all you had to do was ask.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Church I don't think you should give up, but I also don't think that you should devote a lot of time to it. I mean you're okay with being by yourself, but you know that you want to find the right woman. So don't force anything man, just keep your eyes open.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Church2224 said:


> One more thing before I leave this thread forever.
> 
> I have discovered that I do not want to waste my time dating, going through relationship to relationship. What I really want is the ONE good woman in my life, just the one, or at least something in the long term, and I really want this person in my life. A beautiful woman with a good heart that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Unfortunately I am 21, still young, and I do not think any one my age wants something like that.
> 
> Is there any thing I should do? Every one says that you discover some one when you least expect it, but I remain skeptical...



I'm approaching 30...

If you're finding the wrong women, they never seem to change past 16. There are some HIGHLY mature women in the 18 - 25 range, though. I used to say I would never eff with a chick younger than me. The one I'm currently kinda sorta talking to is younger than me and more mature than the majority of the women I've met in the past 8 years.

Further, there are plenty of women in your age range that just want one person to be with for the rest of their lives. Chances are you just don't want them bc women who talk like that come off as depserate--particularly when they're actually attractive.

I do agree with you, though, that the dating game seems a bit tedious and less rewarding than a lot would lead you to believe. Going from relationship to relationship for the "learning experience" is better suited for someone else. I know what I want and just haven't seen it.

My god... Imagine if you had to try half the grocery store before deciding what you want to eat!

Most of the time you go in with a good idea of what you're looking for and something else "may" catch your eye.

That's the way I view most things in life. The most annoying part of it--to me--is that even if you're dating a person who's in it just for the experience so they can put you on their resume and bounce to the next penis will talk to you as though it's more than that. To hell with em.

You'll find something worthwhile if you stick to your "no compromise" attitude. I'm sure of it.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

I'm all for long term relationships, but I DO believe that dating until you find the right girl is very important. Sure, it sucks to not know if you'll be together with this person 6 months from now, but it's important not to sheild yourself from relationship experience just because you may get hurt. I've learned that it's good to have your heart toughened up a bit, so it's worth a damn when you really need it. I've had the same feelings before, and after a bit of digging I found that it stemmed from my own insecurities (not wanting to be hurt, wanting relationships to be easy, etc...and I am NOT accusing you of these same insecurities, just something to think about). After I got over these humps, I found that not only did more women find me attractive, but higher-quality women as well, the kind that I could spend my life with. If you're lucky enough to be 100% ready for the girl of your dreams when she happens along, WITHOUT much relationship experience, count yourself as a lucky bastard. But I'd highly suggest just taking some time to make your life so damn awesome that you'd almost rather be alone. Because that's when the best women seek you out to come along for the ride. It's like my drummer Carp says, "I'm fucking life in the ass, and I ain't came yet niggah!!!" 

We all get tired of the game sometimes, but if you go out of your way to learn how it's played, winning at it feels pretty damn good too. Good luck man!


----------



## JP Universe

UPDATE -

Spoke on the phone the other night for 2 hours.... still going over to see her and even after we finished on the phone we talked on Facebook some more 

I feel like I've got a highschool crush again  Shit is crazy.... 

Trying to play it cool at the moment, give her some space to sort herself out. It's hard though..... Hanging in there 

In other news I got laid the other night by some chick and I didn't know her name 




JP Universe said:


> I'm feeling extremely happy right now!! I'll try and keep this short.....
> 
> Backstory - Met a girl on a contiki tour in North America about 4 years ago. We only got to spend 2 days with each other due to the tour/her leaving/her being on the other bus and we spent one incredible tonight together on the last night.
> 
> This was someone who I felt a real connection with and I never felt like I had to try with and I could just be myself blah blah blah.... After we went our seperate ways we both ended up in our own respective relationships with her living in Canada and me back in Australia with a Canadian girl ironically.
> 
> We kept in touch through facebook over the years and I guess in the back of my mind I thought this one was the one for me however both our relationships were serious so I never let it come to the forefront.... My relationship ended about 9 months ago with my now ex who never was right for me anyways.
> 
> My night tonight - Wished this girl a happy new year on Facebook and we're talking as usual like we haven't missed a beat. She tells me she's back in Australia blah blah and I ask her when she's going back to Canada. Well.....
> 
> It turns out she's not going back  Well what about the Boyfriend? Turns out he couldn't get his shit together and is staying over there and they'll be ending it. We talked for about 2 hours and we're flirting and she's like 'I wish you were here' she wants me to go over and visit her in a couple of months  (In another state)
> 
> I would give my whole guitar collection away for this girl if I had to.... Just to give you an idea of what she means to me.
> 
> (Well.... not that I would but you get the point)
> 
> Early days I know but I've been waiting for this moment for the last 4 years and this is no 'crush' or anything like that.....
> 
> Will update the situation as I'm sure we'll be talking a bit in the coming weeks


----------



## soliloquy

so i'm having a weird problem. i'm the type of guy that throws girls in the friend zone if they think i'm hitting on them when i'm just being nice. a lot of my close friends have been thrown there by me. 

and then this new girl started working at my place. she's awesome. what makes her awesome is how close she is to me in terms of personality. we have a lot of common stuff as well. she writes, she plays guitar, she plays games, has the same taste in movies and music etc...

problem is that i'm not single. i love my girlfriend to bits. however, because i work with this chick, i see her far more than i see my girlfriend. 

i'm trying to distance myself from her and hoping its a phase that will fade. i'm also trying to throw her in the friend zone, but i dont think shes getting the idea as she is flirting quiet strongly as well. 

the weird thing is, she has a boyfriend. she knows i'm in a relationship too. and still she wont back down. 


if i was single, sure, i would have tried something. but since i'm not...shes making it really hard for me to be committed...i've been in this relationship for 5 years, and have been through a lot. i'm not going to throw this relationship away based on a big 'what if' or some weird fantasy...


----------



## InfinityCollision

soliloquy said:


> the weird thing is, she has a boyfriend. she knows i'm in a relationship too. and still she wont back down.


NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

Grass is not greener on the other side, ESPECIALLY if she's going after you while still in a relationship.


----------



## soliloquy

being a private guy, i usually keep my relationship stuff to myself, unless its with REALLY REALLY close friends. people i've worked with for the last 3 years, even they dont know i've been in the same relationship for 5 years.

however, with this girl, i tell her on purpose so she knows i'm not the type to fuck around.


----------



## Itchyman

I met a girl at Steve's Music in Toronto just before Christmas. I was overnighting, on my way to Kingston and, as it turns out, she was just visiting from there. We ended up having an amazing time over the Christmas holiday and she's an amazing girl. 

Now here's the thing; earlier last week we made plans to go to a concert at the end of the month. But I found out on Sunday that she's in her last semester of high school.. She said she wasn't necessarily hiding it, but I didn't ask and she felt it might drive me away if I found out. 
I still think she's just as amazing as before, and she obviously feels the same about me.. But I don't know what to do.

EDIT: I'm 28 :\


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Itchyman said:


> I met a girl at Steve's Music in Toronto just before Christmas. I was overnighting, on my way to Kingston and, as it turns out, she was just visiting from there. We ended up having an amazing time over the Christmas holiday and she's an amazing girl.
> 
> Now here's the thing; earlier last week we made plans to go to a concert at the end of the month. But I found out on Sunday that she's in her last semester of high school.. She said she wasn't necessarily hiding it, but I didn't ask and she felt it might drive me away if I found out.
> I still think she's just as amazing as before, and she obviously feels the same about me.. But I don't know what to do.
> 
> EDIT: I'm 28 :\



10 years is a good amount of time between you two. in some cases this can wont make a difference and in others it does. by use of the emoticon at the end im guessing either you in some way feel uncomfortable with it or you're afraid of how other people will react. 

my advice? i dont remember being the most emotionally mature person in the world at that age.. is that what you really want?


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Some girls are really mature at that age and can handle relationships.. If you think shes up to it maybe give it ago, but if your only gonna be worried bout how people think and wont be comfurtable around her, i wouldnt bother..


----------



## m3l-mrq3z

Just a question: are you guys attracted to girls that listen to djent? I mean, just asking.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

If its a "I love heavy metal, periphery is toetz amazeballs" then GTFO!

But if she genuinely listens and enjoys it then "meh"


----------



## Brill

m3l-mrq3z said:


> Just a question: are you guys attracted to girls that listen to djent? I mean, just asking.



Im attracted to women who have differnt tastes in musif than myself, and who also have solid understandings of music + their preferd taste in music.


----------



## BlackMastodon

soliloquy said:


> being a private guy, i usually keep my relationship stuff to myself, unless its with REALLY REALLY close friends. people i've worked with for the last 3 years, even they dont know i've been in the same relationship for 5 years.
> 
> however, with this girl, i tell her on purpose so she knows i'm not the type to fuck around.



My advice is to keep building your barrier and if need be just shut her down completely so she knows it won't happen (nice guy or not, you might have to do this). A 5 year relationship is not worth throwing away at all for a new girl at work with a boyfriend.


----------



## InfinityCollision

Itchyman said:


> I met a girl at Steve's Music in Toronto just before Christmas. I was overnighting, on my way to Kingston and, as it turns out, she was just visiting from there. We ended up having an amazing time over the Christmas holiday and she's an amazing girl.
> 
> Now here's the thing; earlier last week we made plans to go to a concert at the end of the month. But I found out on Sunday that she's in her last semester of high school.. She said she wasn't necessarily hiding it, but I didn't ask and she felt it might drive me away if I found out.
> I still think she's just as amazing as before, and she obviously feels the same about me.. But I don't know what to do.
> 
> EDIT: I'm 28 :\



I wouldn't date a girl that's in high school and I'm 22. That said it's obviously your choice, but some social backlash is not unlikely and there's probably a significant maturity gap. People grow quite a bit in the years after high school.



m3l-mrq3z said:


> Just a question: are you guys attracted to girls that listen to djent? I mean, just asking.


I wouldn't turn down a woman just because she listens to djent... 

I like when a girl's into music. What kind of music is mostly irrelevant as long as I'm not stuck listening to shit I can't stand. The majority of my exes were musically inclined


----------



## leandroab

Girl told me she has never been so connected with someone before, that we click in every way BUT didn't feel any chemistry YET. After a little bit more than a month dating.

Life lesson: Never be friends with women (you would like to have a relationship with). Never.

I'm beyond pissed. Due to the YET part, I'm not really sure if I should just give up or keep trying. But right now I feel more like giving up. 

Women are fucking mean.

YAY!


----------



## Mexi

that "yet" bullshit is how women string you along. get her to be clear about what she wants/feels about the relationship or just move along. if she doesn't feel any sort of emotional chemistry after a month of dating, sounds like just likes having you around but not "that way".

@Itchyman, if you're 28 and she's still in highschool, then there's too much of an intellectual gap for there to be a worthwhile long-term investment. girls finishing highschool can be super cute (I'm 25) but there's just too much I don't have in common to even consider a relationship. that said, if she wants to and you want to then go for it, just be aware of the inevitable social backlash. As a general rule of thumb I'd probably only date girls 3 years younger than me at most. Though the older you get, the less meaningful those age differences are. I'm sure you can find a great girl in her early/mid 20s that is just as great


----------



## flint757

Well 10 years wouldn't be such a big deal if she wasn't at the cusp of legal. 

I had a couple women use the yet card to keep me as a close friend. They liked the fact that I acted like a boyfriend, but they didn't have to commit. I think they knew, though, that the dynamic of the friendship would change if they were more straight forward, whether that meant dating or just friends, and as such chose to just string me along. I imagine your situation is probably similar, but who know it could be different.


----------



## soliloquy

saw this picture. what an awesome neighbor to continue the bro-code for a stranger


----------



## ASoC

Girl that was giving mixed signals took too long, found another girl instead  things are going great so far. We're going out again soon


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^That's how dafuq you do it!


----------



## ElNitro

Been in a relationship for the last 10 months with a girl i really liked (read loved / loving)... Just got kicked right into my balls some minutes ago. After being a mixture of psychotherapist, cook, lover, general "get through the day"-helper and a dozens of other things and helping her through some really hard months (including letting her move into my flat after a really short period of time) she broke up with me because i am way to kind and understanding and not showing her 'some borders'. Can't describe how much that one fucked me up.

Sorry for my bad English.


----------



## leandroab

I'm telling you. Girls are fucking retarded! hahahaha 

Stay single and fuck hookers. Like House did.


----------



## soliloquy

ElNitro said:


> Been in a relationship for the last 10 months with a girl i really liked (read loved / loving)... Just got kicked right into my balls some minutes ago. After being a mixture of psychotherapist, cook, lover, general "get through the day"-helper and a dozens of other things and helping her through some really hard months (including letting her move into my flat after a really short period of time) she broke up with me because i am way to kind and understanding and not showing her 'some borders'. Can't describe how much that one fucked me up.
> 
> Sorry for my bad English.



your english is perfect, dont sweat it

girls really are fucked up. i am sort of in your situation, however, i've been with the girl for the last 5 years, and we are going to work through things. she has a problem with me not giving her any kind of boundaries or limits. to which i keep arguing with her saying 'you are not my slave. you do what you want, how you want, when you want. i am giving you freedom. likewise, you give me a lot of freedom to do my own thing; if i dont use/abuse my freedom, thats my problem. 

but then again, she says i should flirt with other girls, its healthy...shes fucked in the head. i'm sticking to being the nice guy. since i've given her freedom to do what she likes, she can leave me if she chooses. not to be an arrogant prick, but good luck finding anyone close to being as nice as me... 


chin up, you'll be fine. she doesn't deserve your kindness, nor your love.


----------



## flint757

I can see the argument that flirting is healthy, but I rarely hear about a girlfriend getting upset because their boyfriend didn't.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

You guys are WRONG. Girls arent fucked up or stupid or any of that, they just seem that way when their man doesn't understand his role as a MAN. ElNitro, I'm very sorry for what you just went through, and I can tell you that you arent alone in that one. I've heard about women leaving their guys because they weren't the dominant force in the releationship, and it isn't all that uncommon. If I were to take a guess, you didn't make many flat-out decisions in the relationship, did you? If so, just know that it is natural for women to want to be with a dominant male, it shows them that he can provide security and make harder decisions when needed. There's a line to that, but she'll tell you when you get too controling, just as she told you when you weren't controling enough. I'm sorry it happened that way, but relationships that end are a good learning opportunity. If you take the pain you feel and weigh it against the lesson you learn, I think you'll always find that the lesson is a bargain.

One thing I feel I need to say is that making the sweeping generalization that women are crazy and are somehow undeserving of a "good guy" like you is akin to a chronic liar committing slow suicide. We men need to make more of an effort to learn women (if that means pick up a book or go to a seminar or whatever, DO IT), that way we can take responsibility for our role in the human mating ritual. I tell you from years of experience and study of the female side, they ARENT crazy or stupid. Most men are just unsatisfying, and that CREATES all the things we hate in them, just the same way that the things they do CREATE the things they hate in us. Please step back and do a little looking into your own "game" before writing women off.

That said, bitches do be trippin sometimes 

EDIT: Soliloquy, I would say your gf is very secure in your relationship on her end and yours, possibly a bit too much. I say, if a girl isn't a little bit jealous it's usually because she knows her man doesn't have any other options other than her. I was in the EXACT same position with my long term gf last year (btw, my post about the 18 year old girl a few pages back, was supposed to be a gf FOR my gf, but I wasnt sure that was something I should put here haha). I've been with my current gf for 7 years now and she told me that she wanted me to flirt around a bit. I took it as "she's probably flirting already and doesn't want to feel bad about it) so I got my shit back straight and almost started acting like I was single. Flirted and met up with lots of new girls, and my gf was instantly jealous. That translated into better sex, more sex, more overall attention, more confidence on my end, and believe it or not, better relationship security (she knew I had options, so she worked on our relationship more from her end). AND, I mentioned wanting to bring in another girl as a fantasy and she's all for it all of a sudden. She's really working to keep me and opening herself up for me. 

Just my experience, YMMV. I'd like to say that my decision to work on my game with women has been very successful, and has drastically changed the way I used to think in a very profound way, so you guys please don't think that I'm some kind of pompous ass. Just want you guys to enjoy success the way I have  Hope some of that helped someone!


----------



## UnderTheSign

^ "If you're going to be a dog, be a rottweiler. If you're going to be a bitch, wear a skirt"... Two Bar Stories From My PastWith Animal Themes | The Rawness

It's generally true that confidence and a (mildly) dominant attitude works best. 

That said, me and a friend were awfully bored and somewhat intoxicated last week and after browsing hilarious OKCupid related tumblrs for a couple of hours we decided to sign up there to see what all the fuss was about. No clue how it happened but I now have multiple women asking if I want to grab a drink with them


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Liked and Repped for that article. Truer words never written down


----------



## InfinityCollision

soliloquy said:


> not to be an arrogant prick, but good luck finding anyone close to being as nice as me...


It's not about being nice. She's looking for you to step up and wear the pants in the relationship. You can do that and still be nice, but if you don't you just become the "nice guy" and the vast majority of women aren't looking for that.


----------



## soliloquy

InfinityCollision said:


> It's not about being nice. She's looking for you to step up and wear the pants in the relationship. You can do that and still be nice, but if you don't you just become the "nice guy" and the vast majority of women aren't looking for that.







glassmoon0fo said:


> EDIT: Soliloquy, I would say your gf is very secure in your relationship on her end and yours, possibly a bit too much. I say, if a girl isn't a little bit jealous it's usually because she knows her man doesn't have any other options other than her. I was in the EXACT same position with my long term gf last year (btw, my post about the 18 year old girl a few pages back, was supposed to be a gf FOR my gf, but I wasnt sure that was something I should put here haha). I've been with my current gf for 7 years now and she told me that she wanted me to flirt around a bit. I took it as "she's probably flirting already and doesn't want to feel bad about it) so I got my shit back straight and almost started acting like I was single. Flirted and met up with lots of new girls, and my gf was instantly jealous. That translated into better sex, more sex, more overall attention, more confidence on my end, and believe it or not, better relationship security (she knew I had options, so she worked on our relationship more from her end). AND, I mentioned wanting to bring in another girl as a fantasy and she's all for it all of a sudden. She's really working to keep me and opening herself up for me.





my gf is well aware of women around me. she knows i have more female friends than guy friends. she knows some of them are uncomfortably close to me. she also knows a lot of my female friends used to/still have crushes on me, and i keep throwing them in the friend zone. 

she knows that if i want, i can easily pick up women. however, i apparently do that unintentionally just by being nice. ex: was at a party, saw a girl struggling with her DSLR. being a camera geek, i started talking to her and showing her how to use the camera. apparently that was me hitting on her. my female friends yelled at me, my gf said 'enh, i'll let it slide'. and apparently i do that far more often than i realize.


----------



## Church2224

Glassmoon makes some great points. I think we all just need to get some confidence and obtain knowledge as to how women think, act. 

Which is why I have decided to hire a dating coach. Dead serious. I know I need to make improvements and get the confidence I need to go out there and find some one, and I need some one to teach me. 

After all, when you want to be a better guitarist, bassist, ect. you take lessons. If you want to learn a certain field then you go to school. Why not do the same thing when it comes to, imho, the most important aspect of your life?


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Right on, man. It seems like the stigma is that if you can't naturally attract women, you should just suffer in silence over it, but the truth is that unless you learn it from being around someone who is good with women over long periods, it usually doesn't happen. Problem is, when you CANT attract women naturally a man usually feels some sort of shame that he's failing at one of his intrensic natural purposes, and that's often too painful to deal with, much less talk about with your buddies. If this coach youre hiring is worth the money, this will be one of the best things you've ever done for yourself 

I'm not sure if I'm breaking any rules here, but I got kicked off on the path of pimpishness by my friend Joe. To give you some background, Joe was a hardcore metalhead in highschool, we're talking ponytail having, jnco jeans wearing, wallet chain clipping, fuck the establishment oldschool 90s metalhead. Everything that usually dries a vagina right up . Lo and behold, in college he starts dressing the part of the kind of smooth talker that women flock to in movies, and starts approaching women and getting laid EVERYWHERE. By the time him and I moved in together in senior year of college, he'd slept with about 60 different women, including6 of our college professors/marching band admin/student assistants. I asked him what the fuck he was doing, and he took me out and showed me some stuff. I was FUCKING FLOORED. To hear him explain things to me, i felt kinda stupid that I didn't understand women in the first place, because the way the whole "mating ritual" for people works is exactly how it works for most mammals in the wild (I know all of you are at least a little perverted and see that shit on animal planet). 

He pointed me in the direction of a guy named David Deangelo that does some write-ups on men's role in the "game", and though I'd seen some people doing the Pick Up Artist thing, this guy Deangelo tends to approach it from the point of view of a Man's Man instead of a college guy trying to get laid all the time. Think Russel Crowe in Gladiator, that's what he shoots for. It's fucking brilliant. I recommend you guys check out the "77 laws of women and dating" FIRST, for some ground-level viewpoints on what it takes to be happy and secure, then move on to "body language" (this is some fascinating shit there), and my personal favorite, "on being a man that naturally attracts women". This material can be found in various places online, and it's pretty much what got me started on getting my shit in line. 

If you want some live-action help, there's also theattractionforums.com , where a bunch of people working on themselves get together and pass around information, most of which is fantastic. 

I only post this stuff because I hate seeing guys in the same positions I used to be in, getting their sense of self-worth trampled because they're just doing what their mom told them to do when they like a girl. If you're reading this and thinking, "I'd love to be better with women", go fucking make it happen. Not now, RIGHT now. Good luck bros!


----------



## Church2224

Thanks man, I think it will all work, it is just going to cost me a FUCKTON of money. I am tired of being in this slump and I need to take action, cannot do this on my own.


----------



## soliloquy

Idk...on one end i agree, but on the other, i respectfully disagree. Sure, if you have experience with women, it leads to ypur future partner being more satisfied...but that is only true in theory and only applies to some women.

I mean, women would want someone experienced. But as soon as you start hitting double digits, the women you are with start feeling jealous if you enter a relationship. If not jealous, then they feel incompitent as youve had plenty/better. That kind of screw you up as well. 

Women dont find it impressive if youve had 50 or so lays/kills. But do find it impressive if youve been in a ling term relationship for a fairly lengthy time. Why? It shows them that not only are you can you satisfy them sexually, but also emotionally. 

Im speaking on behalf of majority of my female friends. 

Thus, i ask you if you want to impress men around you by having a massive number of women youve slept with? Or you want to impress women by showing a)you can committ b)you are emotionally mature 

Confidence can come both ways.


----------



## Church2224

soliloquy said:


> Or you want to impress women by showing a)you can committ b)you are emotionally mature
> 
> Confidence can come both ways.



See, that is EXACTLY what I want to do. I can commit and I want to be in a lasting relationship. My biggest issue is approaching women period, and having them see past my idiosyncrasies. 

But, either I am the issue, or my age group is just too immature...

I have no interest in impressing some immature idiots my age, I am not looking for one night stands, I am not looking for some meaningless relationship I want a beautiful women with a good heart who I care for, and who loves me.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

I'm not high up in the numbers, just a shit ton better than when I started. And, I'm not advicating sleeping around like Joe did either, but you have to ask yourself, what are the odds that you'll find what you'd consider a "perfect 10", everything you'd want in a woman, if you've only even dated, say, 5 girls? What about if you've dated 50? 

More importantly, I wouldn't take advice on being a man from your female friends. First, do you think a highly attractive woman will ever give you the dirt on how many guys she's dated, blown, slept with? Probably not, our society looks down on it. Secondly, and emotionally secure woman WILL tell you that, as long as you're committed now, with her, then the number will not matter, because they're far more emotionally driven than logically driven (that's science, not me. Has to do with thought processes crossing the hemispheric membrane from the logical to the creative/emotional side quicker in women than men, since women's membranes are wider). On top of that, there's something women love about succeeding where so many other women have failed, and that IS directly from my female friends.

Honestly, if you've found the one you want to be with fairly early in your dating "career", then count yourself very lucky! But, I've found that most men that don't date much and settle for someone that's "as good as I'll get", they aren't truly fulfilled, and neither is their partner. Hell, I'm sure we've all met an absoloutly fantastic women that we just weren't in the right place in our lives to seduce her, befriend her, ask her out, whatever. Those "what if" women are what can really fuck a guy up. That's why I think it's important to have your game together, so that you have a fighters chance when the right one comes along. If you're ever single again (and I hope you arent!) then I think you'll see the merit in this advice.


----------



## tacotiklah

Women are not retarded or cruel. We just hate being bored. If someone keeps kissing your ass 100% of the time it can get nauseating after a while. Challenge us, make us think, make us feel like a person too. Sure we like being treated like queens and feeling special, but goddamn. Some guys feel it's their everyday duty to lick the mud off our boots too. There's a limit to how "nice" you can be before we get a bit weirded out. In my personal case, if a guy gets to nice, I grow distrustful that it's not genuine and that he wants something from me. (like sex)

And yeah, the one thing I dislike the most about my bf right now is that he is FAR too passive. I have to wear the pants like 90% of the time and it kinda bugs me. Hell if we could get that number down to 50/50, I'd be happy. As it stands now, I'm bored to tears with what we have and I have considered many times dumping him. I love him and I love that he is probably the sweetest guy I'll meet, but the fact that he acts like he has no testicles bothers me. (if he were a girl or trans, I'd be cool with that, but since he IDs as a dude, I expect there to be some balls in his decision making)


----------



## soliloquy

What is wrong with the world when a kind gesture out of the goodness of ones heart is taken as an act of seduction, or tit for tat?


----------



## tacotiklah

soliloquy said:


> What is wrong with the world when a kind gesture out of the goodness of ones heart is taken as an act of seduction, or tit for tat?



I thought as much for quite a while until I started dating guys. 9/10 times the guy wanted to be nice because he thought I'd let him in my pants that way. One of my main requirements in a guy is that he is kind. But when they start getting really crazy about it, it just throws up a red flag that they want something in return. This just comes from personal experience. It could very well be that they just wanna be that nice, but again when you have guys hitting on you left and right with only getting their dick wet on their mind, then you can't help but start questioning motives.

Take the time to put yourself in that girl's shoes for a bit. It will help you out in the long run.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Exactly right. One of the biggest gripes men have about women is that they don't just come out and speak their mind when it comes to relationships. Well, if you were a girl, every other guy on the planet would be offering you dick from the time you grow a set of boobs, and obviously, most guys will lie to you about themselves in order to give it to you. So, you'd have to start shit-testing guys to find out what they're really about. It's why women are so good at reading between the lines with guys, and with that skill they can detect who has their shit together and who doesnt. And most guys just don't get that, so it comes across as women being crazy and confusing, and then the guy blames HER for the communication breakdown. There's nothing wrong with the world, that's just the world we live in. But honestly, when you know what's going on on their end, those kind of enteractions can be really fun to be in. I love when women give me shit now, it usually means they want to find out what I'm about


----------



## Church2224

So women are not evil, they are just smarter than us...

Well cannot say that is necessarily a bad thing.


----------



## soliloquy

I will be the first to admit that im a liberal and a feminist. Its in me to naturally challenge gender roles and stereotypes. 

And the weird thing is, as many people that agree with me, there are others that dont. On one end, a man should be emotional, display acts of kindness, be chivalrous, cook, clean, be a father(even if it means to take the maternity leave) etc

While others regress to 'the way things should be' in the sense that 'man' should be one dimensional, aggressive, the go getter, lacks emotional maturity, where chivalry is seen as as act of seduction to get into the girls pants


----------



## Church2224

I will be the first to admit I am a staunch Conservative 

My Father brought me up to be extremely chivalrous. You do not curse around women or even mention anything sexually until you are serious with one, always hold the door open for them, you look them in the eye, compliment them, listen to them, that I should be a GOOD man and you just treat a women right...

Maybe that is part of my problem...


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Church2224 said:


> I will be the first to admit I am a staunch Conservative
> 
> My Father brought me up to be extremely chivalrous. You do not curse around women or even mention anything sexually until you are serious with one, always hold the door open for them, you look them in the eye, compliment them, listen to them, that I should be a GOOD man and you just treat a women right...
> 
> Maybe that is part of my problem...



Lol Im a bit like that, but I'm a cheeky cunt aswel and try to make girls laugh

Maybe you need to work a lil of that in.. Haha


----------



## misingonestring

Church2224 said:


> I will be the first to admit I am a staunch Conservative
> 
> My Father brought me up to be extremely chivalrous. You do not curse around women or even mention anything sexually until you are serious with one, always hold the door open for them, you look them in the eye, compliment them, listen to them, that I should be a GOOD man and you just treat a women right...
> 
> Maybe that is part of my problem...



Sounds like me and I got a girlfriend


----------



## tacotiklah

Well I'm the closest thing to a girl you'll find in these parts, so maybe I can help you fellas out with advice if you're willing to....STAY A WHILE AND LISTEN







Things I look for in a guy:

-Smart
-Funny
-Playful
-Assertive when necessary
-Kind
-Compassionate
-At least average capabilities in bed. If your equipment is on the small side, try to at least be good with using it. 
-Has their shit together for the most part (some sort of legal income, stable living environment, etc)
-Isn't a druggie or an alcoholic 
-At least makes the attempt to be romantic
-Can defend me or himself if forced to (although every guy claims they can do this. lol)
-Clean criminal background
-Some sort of life ambition; mooching off of people is not sexy
-Decent enough hygiene (you'd be surprised.  )
-Not a nancy boy, and definitely not a controlling prick either
(just as a personal thing, I prefer non-smokers myself, though plenty of girls smoke if that's your thing.  )


Simple, basic stuff. I don't even care what race, ethnicity, etc you are. Just meet at least most of the above and you'll likely have me in your arms. Things differ some from girl to girl and you have to be prepared for that. Not ever girl feels the same way I do, and some have smaller or larger requirements.

The key to it is to be a decent human being with your shit together and ready to tackle life.


----------



## Divinehippie

^ hell yeah diablo reference xD. Love that old bastard


----------



## Murmel

Gonna go look for work at a supermarket tomorrow, wish me luck. I was a bit confused on how I should write my resumé for this typ of job, it just felt awkward writing personal letter


----------



## tacotiklah

Well some harsh truth/feedback has made me decide to quit drinking for a little while. I had a girl that I had a crush on, and due to me being a belligerent ass I put her off completely. I don't even blame her at all because I was kinda rude and a bit too direct in how I went about things. 

I'd like to say that it's not how I really am when I'm sober, but the saying goes "You know a person best when you have seen them after a few drinks." So yeah, I'm not perfect and I make mistakes too. Me being a girl doesn't change the dynamics of things all that much either, we do dumb shit when drunk as well and ruin our own chances too.

There's other fish in the sea and all that, so I'll chalk it up as a life lesson learned, and move on. But I figured that I'd share this because booze is fun and all, but can be double-edged sword if you're not careful and responsible with it.


----------



## Church2224

Church2224 said:


> So, the girl I was interested in just mentioned she has a boyfriend...



Back to this, she apparently also never mentioned to me she is 17 years old, and also she was home schooled...explains A LOT about the situation though.

Fuckin' dodged a legal bullet with that one


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Church2224 said:


> Back to this, she apparently also never mentioned to me she is 17 years old, explains a lot about the situation though...
> 
> Fuckin' dodged a legal bullet with that one



WOW... Lol dam immature lil girls, can't handle shit


----------



## tacotiklah

Church2224 said:


> Back to this, she apparently also never mentioned to me she is 17 years old, and also she was home schooled...explains A LOT about the situation though.
> 
> Fuckin' dodged a legal bullet with that one




This just proves the point I made during out chat. 
Good on you for dodging that shit matrix-style.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

So, my girlfriend kept mentioning all last week that she had a surprise for me. I answered my door on friday to find her wearing super tall stripper boots and a mini skirt. Might I mind you, its fucking cold outside.

She came in and took her jacket off, revealing her corset and lacy bra. Awesome.

She asked if I wanted to make or order some dinner. I told her that we were going to work up an appetite first and threw her onto my bed. Romantic, I know. I went to touch her in her nether regions and made a shocking discovery.

No underwear.

You all can pretty much guess what happened next 

But seriously. She walked 20 minutes to my apartment in freezing weather in a skirt with no underwear on.


----------



## tacotiklah

leftyguitarjoe said:


> I went to touch her in her nether regions and made a shocking discovery.
> .




Taken out of context, this could make for comedic gold.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

ghstofperdition said:


> Taken out of context, this could make for comedic gold.



 


I didnt realize that when I wrote it haha. I'll keep it like that to shock people for a couple milliseconds until they get to the next line.


----------



## Church2224

leftyguitarjoe said:


> So, my girlfriend kept mentioning all last week that she had a surprise for me. I answered my door on friday to find her wearing super tall stripper boots and a mini skirt. Might I mind you, its fucking cold outside.
> 
> She came in and took her jacket off, revealing her corset and lacy bra. Awesome.
> 
> She asked if I wanted to make or order some dinner. I told her that we were going to work up an appetite first and threw her onto my bed. Romantic, I know. I went to touch her in her nether regions and made a shocking discovery.
> 
> No underwear.
> 
> You all can pretty much guess what happened next
> 
> But seriously. She walked 20 minutes to my apartment in freezing weather in a skirt with no underwear on.



So...so jealous of you right now


----------



## BlackMastodon

leftyguitarjoe said:


> But seriously. She walked 20 minutes to my apartment in freezing weather in a skirt with no underwear on.


She's a trooper.


----------



## texshred777

I'm guessing you helped the thawing process?


----------



## UnderTheSign

Jesus christ Joe, I never thought I'd ever see you type up that sort of stuff, haha. I've had some strange stuff happen but nothing like that, good on ya!


----------



## guitarister7321

Okay, so I have been in a relationship for the past five months. I really like the girl and I enjoy being in the relationship, but she has this ex. They broke up three years ago, but are friends, which I didn't really have too much of a problem with because they've been since they were 5. But a month or so back he tells her he still has feelings for her and all this getting back together sounding bullshit. He told her not to say anything to me, but she told me anyway from the beginning. She said she told him no and that she's happy with me. Ever since then though I've noticed them texting almost everyday. They also hung out a few times, but with their other friend apparently. I've told her this still bothers me multiple times, but she just reassures me I have nothing to worry about. Do I have a right to be upset about this? What should I do?


----------



## UnderTheSign

guitarister7321 said:


> Okay, so I have been in a relationship for the past five months. I really like the girl and I enjoy being in the relationship, but she has this ex. They broke up three years ago, but are friends, which I didn't really have too much of a problem with because they've been since they were 5. But a month or so back he tells her he still has feelings for her and all this getting back together sounding bullshit. He told her not to say anything to me, but she told me anyway from the beginning. She said she told him no and that she's happy with me. Ever since then though I've noticed them texting almost everyday. They also hung out a few times, but with their other friend apparently. I've told her this still bothers me multiple times, but she just reassures me I have nothing to worry about. Do I have a right to be upset about this? What should I do?


Trust her or meet up with him for a chat. Ask why they text so much? Tell him he'd better not try anything or else you'll shake your first and shout angry things?


----------



## response

guitarister7321 said:


> Okay, so I have been in a relationship for the past five months. I really like the girl and I enjoy being in the relationship, but she has this ex. They broke up three years ago, but are friends, which I didn't really have too much of a problem with because they've been since they were 5. But a month or so back he tells her he still has feelings for her and all this getting back together sounding bullshit. He told her not to say anything to me, but she told me anyway from the beginning. She said she told him no and that she's happy with me. Ever since then though I've noticed them texting almost everyday. They also hung out a few times, but with their other friend apparently. I've told her this still bothers me multiple times, but she just reassures me I have nothing to worry about. Do I have a right to be upset about this? What should I do?



I think being honest with her about it is the best approach,
not in a psycho/maniac - "I don't want you to see him ever again!!!" - way (not implying you're any),
but more into telling her how you really feel about it, and that it seems that this guy is desperate to getting back in touch with her again.

Maybe he is, or maybe he really tries to be her some kind of a friend, which I highly doubt that's all he wants from her.

you can also offer that the three of you will go out together, so you get to meet him, and make a point for her ex that she's with you and he needs to back-off,
in an elegant way ofcourse.


----------



## flint757

If his only goal is to worm his way back in, even if she is happy and uninterested, this can only end badly. But I'm quite biased towards such situations.


----------



## guitarister7321

I don't need to meet him, I already knew him well over a year before I met her. It's very odd. We were classmates two years ago. He had no involvement in me and her meeting whatsoever though. He's also just broke up with my last ex. But anyway... No I am not going to be a pyscho about it, I'm not trying to be controlling. And yes, it seems he is trying to weasel his way back in. She showed me her conversation with him last night. He sent her something last night along the lines of "I'd be happier if I was with you" and she replied saying something like how she's there for him as a friend and there was nothing she could do right now, which sounds a little sketchy, no? Right now? I don't know am I interpreting it wrong? Thanks for the input guys.


----------



## tacotiklah

Well it comes down to how well you trust your girl. Trust me when I say the quickest way to ensure she dumps you for this guy is if you get really bent out of shape over it. Clearly she has no interest in the guy because he keeps trying, she keeps telling him no, and she is even showing you the conversations of her own volition to make sure you understand that she wants to keep it platonic with the dude. 
If it really does bother you that much, just tell her so. Have her understand that your not upset that she talks to him, but rather that you are upset that he keeps bugging her over something she's flat out refused repetitively. I can't emphasize how important it is that you be gentle when you regard the matter. I used to make the mistake of getting REALLY pissed when I'd see something like this going on and all I did was force my girl right into the guy's lap. 

But seriously, anyone that keeps trying to fuck with a happy relationship is a fucking douchebag.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

^ Jess is bang on there mate, take that advice and run with it


----------



## flint757

guitarister7321 said:


> She showed me her conversation with him last night. He sent her something last night along the lines of "I'd be happier if I was with you" and she replied saying something like how she's there for him as a friend and there was nothing she could do right now, which sounds a little sketchy, no? Right now? I don't know am I interpreting it wrong? Thanks for the input guys.



I wouldn't say sketchy, but it certainly doesn't ease the thought for you I'm sure.

I find a lot of women approach these situations almost identically. IMO it is quite cruel to the person it is being said too as they aren't in a logical state of mind to begin with. They are thinking with their pricks and don't realize they have just been shot down.  

She isn't leaving you or intending to by the sound of it, but she is inadvertently leading him on by not nailing the door shut and instead leaving it cracked. It seems women don't like losing friends or future opportunities if things do eventually go awry. They don't seem to do this expecting something to fall apart, but do it nonetheless (think of it like a prenup ). Given his persistence he will subconsciously use that to justify further pursuit.

As far as I can see your choices are to approach the topic delicately and try convincing her to either diminish or remove him from her life or just deal with it. Either way, at the moment, your relationship sounds pretty solid.


----------



## guitarister7321

Thanks ghst, that actually makes a lot of sense. And yeah, him fucking with our relationship is what pisses me off most. Like it seems he just keeps trying to push his feelings onto her. When he first told her it really fucked with our relationship, but things have since gotten better. And flint, I talked to her about it and that's seems to be it. She said she said that because she didn't want to make him feel shitty about it. I would rather had her just tell him straight up. Thanks for the advice guys!


----------



## flint757

With guys straight up is the only way. We don't read between the lines well it seems.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

flint757 said:


> With guys straight up is the only way. We don't read between the lines well it seems.


There is so much truth to this it's almost not funny. For the most part, all of the dudes I know are the most literal people I know. Everything is clearly said and never beaten around the bush. I can't stand it when people say things they don't mean or try to word it in complicated ways. My Neanderthal brain can't handle words not meaning what they should


----------



## texshred777

Received the most endearing rejection last night. I'm actually more amused than anything.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Threesome girlie bailed on me and my gf. Bummed.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

glassmoon0fo said:


> Threesome girlie bailed on me and my gf. Bummed.



Damn dude, that would have been a sweet ass story.


----------



## JP Universe

JP Universe said:


> I'm feeling extremely happy right now!! I'll try and keep this short..... *(Page 207 for backstory etc*)



Update!

We've been talking a lot now and it looks like this will turn into a long distance relationship. Ex B/F is out of the picture/gone!  

We're talking on the phone about once a week and texting/facebook nearly everyday and it's been going perfect. I really think I've found 'the one' or simply a woman that's hot and has a lot in common with me and who I can talk about anything with/joke around with/not annoying  .... Hopefully within 6 months I can move there cause I've been looking for a reason to move away from where I am. Just trying to organise to go see her as she's looking for a job at the moment and it's hard to lock in dates/leave etc. I haven't seen her in 4 years so we'd take things from there. Pretty exciting and nerve racking knowing there's almost definitely a big change coming 

Worst that can happen is something goes wrong and I'm no worse off so 

Pretty stoked! 


_Also anyone currently texting a girl here's a sweet text to write! I remember it from some PUA? 'Stop thinking about me and smiling and enjoy your day'

I got back 'How could I stop thinking about you' I smiled like I was 18 and in love again _


----------



## Konfyouzd

flint757 said:


> With guys straight up is the only way. We don't read between the lines well it seems.


 
I honestly don't see why more ppl don't just have the intestinal fortitude to say what's on their mind.


----------



## kerska

Soooo....about 6 months I met this girl, long story short she's mid divorce. Over this six month period we've gone from hanging out maybe once a week to now staying in the same bed 4-5 times a week and seeing each other just about every single day unless we have some other obligations or plans with our own groups of friends. 

Well the other day she had to see her ex to file their taxes from last year because they are still under legalities with the marriage. This was the first time she was going to actually be seeing him in person in about 5 months. They had talked on the phone a few times during this 6 month period, and it would always end very ugly and they'd argue and fight and what not because dude has been saying he wants her back for a while now but she won't go back. Sooooo....they do this tax thing, she calls me afterwards and says it went well. They didn't argue or fight or anything, and then I find out dude actually bought her a $400 Coach watch he's been wanting to give her since Christmas, and is just telling her he's been keeping tabs on her to make sure she's okay and that's she's happy with me.

Now I'm weirded the fuck out. It was a lot easier to know she had all this going on when things were nasty between them. I feel really selfish for saying that, and honestly I'm happy they're being civil because that means the official divorce process is going to be easier on them, but the other day dude is being all sweet and telling her he will always love her and he knows how serious she is about me and that he won't try to fight for her or get in between what she has with me. She's been completely open to me with anything, and if I ever have any questions or concerns about stuff she's been completely honest with me about the whole thing. She's made it loud and clear to me that she isn't going to be getting back with him. I know she still cares about him, and I get that because you can't just erase 5 years of history with someone. She told me she still loves him (not IN love with him), but she's still very angry and bitter about the things that happened while they were together and that love isn't enough for her to go back. But honestly, since the other day I can't help but feeling a little bit like I'm puffing my chest out and getting competitve with this dude. I told her that I'm feeling like that and she's assured me not to worry about anything and that even though we're not technically "together" and kinda just doing this whole thing day by day, she's done with him and she said she's vested in me and very happy having me in her life and how things are between us. She has no plans for the future and we both just want to let me and her play out and maybe once all this stuff is finalized, then we can talk about relationship or see what happens then. I haven't mentioned it, but I've been falling for this girl. Hard. Me and her have very good dynamics together and I don't know that I've ever let someone in so easily as I let her in. Me and her just have something good. Really good. And she's taken initiative to do and say a lot for me to know it's a mutual thing we're both feeling.

I'm kinda just venting about this stuff really. Me and her already talked about it and while she's assured me that her divorce is going through and there's no him and her anymore, I can't get it out of the back of my mind now because this guy completely flipped the script and went from starting fights to now playing the I still love you card.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

You're in as good as it gets here man. She's reassured you, he's reassured you, now you have to reassure you. Just chill. The guy isn't competition unless you act like he is.


----------



## tacotiklah

glassmoon0fo said:


> You're in as good as it gets here man. She's reassured you, he's reassured you, now you have to reassure you. Just chill. The guy isn't competition unless you act like he is.



Yeah pretty much. I gave this advice somewhere on this page or the last one. The only time you really should be suspicious of anything is if she is lying to you about meeting with him and whatnot. Then you have a right to be pissed. Beyond that, this guy is trying but he is barking up the wrong tree. It won't happen, and she's completely happy with you. (based on what you have written)

The only thing that could make your fears come true is if you feed them. If you start getting really jealous and suspicious of her, it will actually push her away from you and next thing you know, her and her ex will talk a LOT more. It will probably be more than just civil too. So if you don't want that, relax and let things be. Sometimes the best and most difficult course of action for people to take, is to do nothing.


----------



## kerska

ghstofperdition said:


> The only thing that could make your fears come true is if you feed them. If you start getting really jealous and suspicious of her, it will actually push her away from you and next thing you know, her and her ex will talk a LOT more. It will probably be more than just civil too. So if you don't want that, relax and let things be. Sometimes the best and most difficult course of action for people to take, is to do nothing.


 
Yeeeeaaaah. I over think shit. A lot. And I get pretty pessimistic when I over think. But you're right about this, and while I already knew this and how to play the cards, it helps me out a bit to hear other people say the same thing.


----------



## ASoC

Konfyouzd said:


> I honestly don't see why more ppl don't just have the intestinal fortitude to say what's on their mind.



Well, I'm honest about everything and I have very few friends 

I guess its 

A) You feel bad about yourself for doing/saying something "mean"

B) You care what other people think of you and you want them to like you

C) IDFK


----------



## flint757

I think B is the #1 reason for the majority of word weavers.


----------



## tacotiklah

I'm in a weird conundrum and/or contradiction regarding that. I don't care what people think of me, yet I find myself still trying to be considerate of others and in a way care about their feelings/what they think. 

Life would be so much simpler if I could completely stop giving a fuck. I think it's a process. You have to give a little less fucks each day than you did before. Would make sense as to why old people have the absolute zero of fucks to give.


----------



## skeels

I would rather surround myself with strong-willed people who respect honesty. 

People who make you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them are weak and they drain you like psychic vampires, sapping your emotion and passion until you are a lifeless husk, brittle and peeling away in a frenzy to please them, to appease them, to re-assure them, turning the sweet taste of life bitter.

It's not a matter of not giving a fuck, but of giving the most important fuck of all. The truth. 

People who don't give a fuck about the truth displease me....


----------



## texshred777

Since when does being nice mean that you must walk on eggshells? Telling the truth can be done without being rude, offensive, or insulting. I have no problem being honest with someone-but I've found that being considerate in how I speak to someone means they're less likely to get defensive or hostile in reaction. I find this much more beneficial, they actually listen more often than not. 

I've found that being nice as a rule has taken me much further than always being "right" and "honest". Particularly when it comes to an opinion. I pick my battles, and avoid needless conflict. As a result, my experiences are much more positive than they used to be. Plus, it doesn't take any more energy to be considerate than it does being rude.


----------



## skeels

^Oh, don't get me wrong. I spend a great deal of time convincing complete idiots that they are good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it, people like them. 

I may be occasionally brash, but there are people who find the truth to be rude, offensive and insulting. These are people who do not want to hear the truth but only what they want to hear. 

They are not interested in the truth, they are only concerned with being "right" as you so put it. 

It's all a matter of perspective. 

You see, I was giving advice to someone who was talking about not giving a fuck, which you seem to have construed as me saying "Yeah! Don't give a fuck! Don't give lots of fucks!" Which, upon further review of my post is not the advice I gave. It is vitally important to give a fuck. To respect what is real, not people's misguided illusions of self-important indulgence.

I don't want the truth on my side, I want to be on the side of the truth.

I am (I like to think) a nice person. 

The old me, which was ironically the young me, used to REALLY not give a fuck. 

I'm REALLY old, though, now and I don't have time to be a slave to someone else's impetuous designs of reality.


----------



## JosephAOI

My girlfriend and I had a huge fight today about our futures and what we're doing after high school. It ended up being we don't know where we stand, more leaning towards over. She then posted a bunch of pictures of her all happy and shit. Fucking bitch. I'm a goddamn wreck over here and she's all cheerful? FUCK HER.


----------



## Varcolac

JosephAOI said:


> My girlfriend and I had a huge fight today about our futures and *what we're doing after high school*. It ended up being we don't know where we stand, more leaning towards over. She then posted a bunch of pictures of her all happy and shit. Fucking bitch. I'm a goddamn wreck over here and she's all cheerful? FUCK HER.



You are in high school. You're what, 17? 18? Assuming you live to the current male life expectancy for the United States, you have six more decades of life. What can you do in six decades? 

In six decades we went from steam power to putting rockets on the fucking moon. In six decades the human race went from the quaint attempts at spaceflight using modified Nazi ballistic missile technology to _nuclear powered robots the size of a small truck, armed with lasers and mass spectrometers, searching for signs of life on Mars._ Did I mention the robot has a Twitter account? Humanity, you so badass. In six decades we've gone from computers the size of a small power plant to an intuitive device in your hand that can access the sum total of human knowledge.

The world you will grow into as you fully become an adult will be very different from the world of your high school romance. You will learn new things. You will gain new skills. You will fill your life with experiences and wonders that none of us can even imagine at this point. Sixty years in the future, where life now in 2013 will seem as distant and archaic as the 1950s do from today, who you took to the prom will be a distant footnote in the epic tale of a 21st century life.

Worry not. Look to the future.


----------



## tacotiklah

Varcolac said:


> You are in high school. You're what, 17? 18? Assuming you live to the current male life expectancy for the United States, you have six more decades of life. What can you do in six decades?
> 
> In six decades we went from steam power to putting rockets on the fucking moon. In six decades the human race went from the quaint attempts at spaceflight using modified Nazi ballistic missile technology to _nuclear powered robots the size of a small truck, armed with lasers and mass spectrometers, searching for signs of life on Mars._ Did I mention the robot has a Twitter account? Humanity, you so badass. In six decades we've gone from computers the size of a small power plant to an intuitive device in your hand that can access the sum total of human knowledge.
> 
> The world you will grow into as you fully become an adult will be very different from the world of your high school romance. You will learn new things. You will gain new skills. You will fill your life with experiences and wonders that none of us can even imagine at this point. Sixty years in the future, where life now in 2013 will seem as distant and archaic as the 1950s do from today, who you took to the prom will be a distant footnote in the epic tale of a 21st century life.
> 
> Worry not. Look to the future.




This. And mention to this to your girl (assuming that you have NOT broken up) if you get the chance. And fighting over the future is just silly. Nobody knows what the future holds. There are certainly some things you can do to try and steer towards a particular future, but the chaotic side of life is a factor as well. Point is that fighting over the future is on the same level in childishness as fighting over who gets to use the PS3 controller next. 

It's a worry-fest not worth worrying over. It takes people a couple years out of high school to figure out what they wanna do with their life anyways.


----------



## JosephAOI

Thanks guys. I appreciate it. 

EDIT: I didn't get to bitch about this before but since me and her got back together whenever it was, my whole threesome thing fell through


----------



## tacotiklah

My niece just wrote this and I thought it was worth sharing with you guys. Perhaps some of you have done this and this is meant to be a light-hearted rib-nudge towards not being so creepy. 

Dude You're Fucking Desperate

Do you really want sex that bad?
You don't even know her.
You'd have to step up as Dad.
For all you know she could be a killer.
I'm not going to save you.
I honestly shouldn't have to.
That better not be her name on your new tattoo.

The internet isn't where to meet girls.
She's a liar, a cheat, a scam.
Please don't buy her those pearls.
If you don't fuck her, you might not need that exam.
Yes, in that picture she has beautiful curls.
For all you know, she could be that Virginia Ham.
I really hope she doesn't end up being crazy.
How could you even support her, you're too fucking lazy.

Internet creepy isn't good.
Is that a picture of her tits?
Is that your...wood?
I hope it doesn't fit.
Don't change your last name to hers on Facebook.
Is she and her ex really separate?
Dude, you're fucking desperate.


----------



## Skyblue

Well, my gf for the past 2.8-ish years broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. the whole relationship started getting problematic for the past few months, and I don't really blame her for breaking it up... As much as I love her (and I do) I guess there was no use in dragging this any more. 
I just feel drained right now. I feel silly, for even when I watch stupid TV shows and see people kiss it automatically makes me think of her. I can't even think of dating anyone else at the moment because I'm afraid all I'll see is her instead of whoever I'll date, and it'll make me feel shitty for it. 

So yeah, not really saying anything, but it sucks. She is the first girl I really felt I loved, and was just overall awesome... liked metal, sang opera, knew every gaming or internet reference I mentioned basically, and was an overall nerd. Plus, she was hot. 

I'm just trying to vent I guess... first major break-up as well, so I'm not really sure how to deal with it =\


----------



## MFB

At work today I ended up helping two girls that live on the same campus as me, one who is literally in the next building over and the other on the south side. Girl in the next building over isn't too bad at all, but may be taken.

So far she's also the only girl I know to pull off dimple piercings


----------



## Metal_Webb

So went to a friend's birthday party on Friday night and met a few new people, one of them was a chick dressed as Darth Vader. Chatted for about 5 mins all up. When I was leaving, she asked me if I would be her friend (I smell socially awkward person here ) Ended up chatting with her for a bit via the old facebooks. Seems like I've managed to tee up going on an op-shopping trip with her. Also said that I reminded her of Leonardo Di Caprio and Sam's (from Supernatural) love child and "If I could be involved in coitus with either of them I'd be super."

Now, not sure if I'm reading into this correctly, but I think that she wants the D?


----------



## Adrian-XI

Theres a fair few disheartening stories and situations in this thread so I thought Id share this to lighten the mood and maybe give a little hope.

When I was 15 I went out with a girl who I loved so dearly. My high school sweetheart. She pretty much defined me as the person I am today, introducing me to awesome music amongst many other things. We spent about a year together, but me changing schools and a few other things came between us and she broke up with me. I was crushed

Skip forward 4 years and we started talking again. We got on so well, it was like nothing had changed. Within 2 months we were once again going out. Life was awesome again, and I was as happy as I had ever been. Until yesterday






And_ now_ I couldnt be happier


----------



## Murmel

So, could someone give me some tips on how to fall out of love? 2 years of being super fucking miserable is getting old.

One has to take into account:
It's my best friend.
I see her (and her boyfriend) 5+ days a week unless one of us is sick because we go to school together.
All of our friends are mutual.

Edit: Hooray, 3k posts 

Edit2: After using my google-fu, it seems pretty much the only way is distancing yourself from the person/and or cutting the person away completely. Fuck both of those options. 
I have actually tried distancing myself, but it didn't work because we still see eachother, we pretty much have to. I unfollowed her on instagram (and later her bf) because got tired as hell on getting kicked in the chest whenever she posted.

I was really anxious about finishing school this summer a year back. Now I wish it would come faster.


----------



## -42-

^That's easy, stop seeing her for a few months. If you have to be a recluse or find some new chums in the interim, so be it. She may be awesome and cool and smart and pretty, but there are other awesome and cool and smart and pretty girls out there, and if you develop tunnel vision you just end up screwing yourself.


----------



## Murmel

You obviously didn't read the part where it says we see eachother 5 times a week.
I don't mean we just go to the same school, we have 9/10 classes together, breaks together. Everything.

And I know plenty of awesome, fun girls. But I always come back to her.


----------



## SnowfaLL

nm


----------



## -42-

Murmel said:


> You obviously didn't read the part where it says we see eachother 5 times a week.
> I don't mean we just go to the same school, we have 9/10 classes together, breaks together. Everything.
> 
> And I know plenty of awesome, fun girls. But I always come back to her.


I did read that bit, which is why I suggested estranging yourself from her, at least for the time being. If she doesn't know how you feel then you should really let her know so she can understand why you need to avoid her. If she does know then she is either entirely too callous regarding your feelings or she doesn't comprehend the kind of mud you're being dragged through, emotionally. If you sit next to her in class, stop. If you hang out with her during break, stop. If you two text each-other all the time, stop. If you two do homework together, stop. If you party with her on the weekends, stop. As long as she is the most prominent woman in your life, you'll never get over your feelings for her, that's just how it is.


----------



## Murmel

Oh she knows alright. And it's not like they smother eachother with their tongues when I'm around. But they've already had to take me into account for like 1 1/2 years now, I think they're getting a bit tired of that. At least her BF is.
It's not that she doesn't care, she cares a lot.

I'm just gonna let it roll this last semester, after that school is over and I can do whatever the fuck I want. Avoiding her right now is almost impossible. I'm not gonna list all the reasons why it's impossible, just trust me on that it is.


----------



## JosephAOI

Adrian-XI said:


> Theres a fair few disheartening stories and situations in this thread so I thought Id share this to lighten the mood and maybe give a little hope.
> 
> When I was 15 I went out with a girl who I loved so dearly. My high school sweetheart. She pretty much defined me as the person I am today, introducing me to awesome music amongst many other things. We spent about a year together, but me changing schools and a few other things came between us and she broke up with me. I was crushed
> 
> Skip forward 4 years and we started talking again. We got on so well, it was like nothing had changed. Within 2 months we were once again going out. Life was awesome again, and I was as happy as I had ever been. Until yesterday
> 
> *wedding pic*


Congrats, mang!! 

And +1000 for snagging a woman with red hair!!


----------



## m3l-mrq3z

JosephAOI said:


> Congrats, mang!!
> 
> And +1000 for snagging a woman with red hair!!



Uh, it looks like she dyed it. But who cares. That was a very nice story.


----------



## Konfyouzd

ASoC said:


> Well, I'm honest about everything and I have very few friends
> 
> I guess its
> 
> A) You feel bad about yourself for doing/saying something "mean"
> 
> B) You care what other people think of you and you want them to like you
> 
> C) IDFK


 
Same, but having a lot of ppl around you that call themselves friends doesn't always mean anything. I've noticed that in my small group of friends I can rely on everyone. I like this more than dealing with a ton of ppl that all call themselves my friends and can't even be real w/ me.


----------



## leandroab

Murmel said:


> So, could someone give me some tips on how to fall out of love? 2 years of being super fucking miserable is getting old.
> 
> One has to take into account:
> It's my best friend.
> I see her (and her boyfriend) 5+ days a week unless one of us is sick because we go to school together.
> All of our friends are mutual.
> 
> Edit: Hooray, 3k posts
> 
> Edit2: After using my google-fu, it seems pretty much the only way is distancing yourself from the person/and or cutting the person away completely. Fuck both of those options.
> I have actually tried distancing myself, but it didn't work because we still see eachother, we pretty much have to. I unfollowed her on instagram (and later her bf) because got tired as hell on getting kicked in the chest whenever she posted.
> 
> I was really anxious about finishing school this summer a year back. Now I wish it would come faster.



Hey, guess what? Stop talking to her and stop seeing her. The only thing that heals is time. Believe me.

It sucks. It IS a tough decision, but it has to be done. Sorry man. But the thing is, you don't have to do this forever, only untill whatever you feel for her dies out and turns cold.

By the way, I'm about to do the EXACT same thing. It hurts a lot but in the end it's the only way.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Hmm... She went from "liking me and being interested in getting to know me better" to seemingly actively avoiding me...

I fucked that up good n fast...


----------



## JosephAOI

Guys, I made an important discovery today. "You're cute, let's fuck." Is _NOT_ a very successful pickup line.


----------



## Konfyouzd

That depends on where you are.


----------



## traditional

I've always wanted to post in this thread, so here goes;
I've been with my girlfriend for two years, lived together for most of that time. We're one of those couples that were best friends before we got together, so moving in so quickly wasn't a big deal at all.
I waited a long, long time to find a girl like this and commit to a relationship like this. I dealt with the manipulative, unstable, lying, cheating and bat-shit crazy girls and also periods of having no interest in the opposite sex whatsoever. Because of that, I found it very hard to have that confidence in saying "I know she loves me, I know I trust her and I know she won't do anything to ruin that." But I swear, finally having that feeling is so great.

I know this seems like a semi-useless rant, but I guess it's meant to be another 'don't give up hope' story. I've been through a lot in my short time on this planet, but I'm confident that there's someone out there for everyone. We're in a day and age where it's easier to meet people who you're more compatible with. So, put your best foot forward and just work at it. It will rarely ever work straight away, but one day you'll meet the person you knew you were meant to be with. /endcornyrant.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Only a useless rant to the bitter ad hopeless. 

I'm just annoyed so I find it borderline inspiring.


----------



## gunshow86de

Replace bus with grocery store, and this is pretty accurate for me.


----------



## Konfyouzd

*le sigh*

Okay... So I talked to her.

I noticed that since she said she was diggin' me she randomly started to seem mad distant. EVery time I talk to her about it there's always some convenient excuse... 



> I'm busy...


 
or 



> I'm tired...


 
C'mon... you're not the first woman I've ever met! So today I just got fed up with it and we were supposed to go to lunch but I decided to cancel lunch and I told her I thought it was best if we just didn't see each other.

Now all of a sudden she's quite talkative...

I explained my reasons why (angrily, but I explained them) and she seemed to be confused by it at first and then later in the convo it seem like she basically just admitted to everything I griped about.

Basically she told me in Dec that she liked me and wanted to get t know me better... SWEET!

Come Jan she's a whole new person. Can't get in touch with her to save my life, etc...

So when I talked to her today...



> Yea I said that last year, but I never know what things are going to be like year to year.


 
How fucking far away was last year? Excuse. Invalid.

Then came an even longer string of excuses to cover up excuses for excuses of past excuses. And it seems that at one point I couldn't get a bit of convo out of her. Now I can't get her to shut the fuck up. 

The most annoying part about it... She told me that when she said she liked me and wanted to get to know me better that she wasn't being sincere... This was the point when it seemed like she liked me. She has STILL said in our conversation today that she does like me but doesn't want to be in a relationship... We could have established that FOREVER ago w/o all this awkward bullshit with seeming to be actively avoiding me.

Further, if she wasn't being sincere when she said it before, why should I believe that she likes me NOW? And in light of everything that's transpired today, why should I even bother with that?


----------



## glassmoon0fo

You shouldnt. NEXT that bitch and move on. She's like a lot of girls, loves the attention that an orbiting male gives her, so she keeps you on a string for whenever she needs a confidence boost. Don't give her the satisfaction, peace the fuck out on her. Honestly, that'll do more for her attraction to you than if you stick around trying to please her. Average frustrated chumps do that, so don't be one for her. Good luck bro, not all women suck!


----------



## Konfyouzd

I told her I'm done dealing w her which suddenly seemed to open her calendar up a bit. Spent ab 30 min explaining herself w excuses that either didn't make sense or contradicted things she's told me in the past. 

NEXT!!!


----------



## Kiwimetal101

gunshow86de said:


> Replace bus with grocery store, and this is pretty accurate for me.



On the bus, at uni, in town... This is my life..


----------



## Konfyouzd

The love life thing seems overrated unless human beings can get a handle on honesty and basic communication. Not holding my breath. I don't wanna die before I'm proven wrong.


----------



## m3l-mrq3z

Staring at women you can't have is like standing in front of a store full of Ibanez prestige models and not being able to enter said store.


----------



## Konfyouzd

"It will be mine... Oh yes..." -- Wayne's World

He got the axe and the girl.


----------



## leandroab

Konfyouzd said:


> The love life thing seems overrated unless human beings can get a handle on honesty and basic communication.



Yep. You're right there man...


----------



## Nykur_Myrkvi

traditional said:


> I've always wanted to post in this thread, so here goes;
> I've been with my girlfriend for two years, lived together for most of that time. We're one of those couples that were best friends before we got together, so moving in so quickly wasn't a big deal at all.
> I waited a long, long time to find a girl like this and commit to a relationship like this. I dealt with the manipulative, unstable, lying, cheating and bat-shit crazy girls and also periods of having no interest in the opposite sex whatsoever. Because of that, I found it very hard to have that confidence in saying "I know she loves me, I know I trust her and I know she won't do anything to ruin that." But I swear, finally having that feeling is so great.
> 
> I know this seems like a semi-useless rant, but I guess it's meant to be another 'don't give up hope' story. I've been through a lot in my short time on this planet, but I'm confident that there's someone out there for everyone. We're in a day and age where it's easier to meet people who you're more compatible with. So, put your best foot forward and just work at it. It will rarely ever work straight away, but one day you'll meet the person you knew you were meant to be with. /endcornyrant.


I've always been thinking about posting something similar but never did since it always seemed more dating/love life oriented than relationship.

But I'll follow this oncoming trend:

I've been with my girlfriend since I was 16 (23 now) and we've traveled together, worked on two books together (one self-published, the other one coming out soon), we're in a band together that is recording demos and then our debut album. 

When you find someone you can so easily work with and relate with on so many different levels it's so fulfilling that seriously, it will be worth the wait.
I was lucky and found her when I was 16 but I realize not everyone will have the same luck as early on.

Like traditional and his/her (just in case) girlfriend, we were very close friends first, then some things happened that made me realize how stupid it would be to wait any longer before I told her how I felt. She felt the same way and we've been madly in love ever since.

Hang in there and it will happen to you!


----------



## UnderTheSign

Konfyouzd said:


> I told her I'm done dealing w her which suddenly seemed to open her calendar up a bit. Spent ab 30 min explaining herself w excuses that either didn't make sense or contradicted things she's told me in the past.
> 
> NEXT!!!


Either you got too excited when she told you she was into you and started bugging her about it a little too often, or she's just an attention craver. My brother had a girl like that, she said she liked him, never stayed in touch, 3 months later a friend says "Oh, I spoke to her, she asked how you were and if you had mentioned me", he starts texting her again and surprise surprise, they get out of touch again. Attention > satisfied for now > bye > repeat.


----------



## tacotiklah

UnderTheSign said:


> Either you got too excited when she told you she was into you and started bugging her about it a little too often, or she's just an attention craver. My brother had a girl like that, she said she liked him, never stayed in touch, 3 months later a friend says "Oh, I spoke to her, she asked how you were and if you had mentioned me", he starts texting her again and surprise surprise, they get out of touch again. Attention > satisfied for now > bye > repeat.



Yep, I'm "friends" with a girl like that too. I'm much more aware of it now, and I feed her just a little bit of attention and then I'm the first one to peace out for a while. The manipulator became the manipulated.


----------



## Brill

(sorry in advance if this doesn't make sense, im on a new type of medication and my thoughts are hard to get in order).

I just started going to a new class, and there is this quite attractive women in it. First lesson she sits near me, next lesson she sits next to me, we talk about stuff and compliments me on my hat. I then catch her looking at me every so often with a smile on her face.
Later on, during a break she comes over and starts talking to me.

I'm not very good at picking up messages from women, so im really confussed as to what i should do? 
Also im terrible at talking to people, so can someone offer some advice?


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Loxodrome said:


> (sorry in advance if this doesn't make sense, im on a new type of medication and my thoughts are hard to get in order).
> 
> I just started going to a new class, and there is this quite attractive women in it. First lesson she sits near me, next lesson she sits next to me, we talk about stuff and compliments me on my hat. I then catch her looking at me every so often with a smile on her face.
> Later on, during a break she comes over and starts talking to me.
> 
> I'm not very good at picking up messages from women, so im really confussed as to what i should do?
> Also im terrible at talking to people, so can someone offer some advice?



Keep Calm and Carry ON... no seriously, it sounds like she was digging you when you were talking and such so you already have something going, so don't over think it too much. 

as for conversation ask her about herself, find out more about her and most importantly, remember what she tells you. my girlfriend actually impressed me before we started dating when she remembered a lot of details about my life that i would tell her. 

keep us updated dude


----------



## tacotiklah

^ this. Guys blow it so badly when they first notice someone might be interested in them because they over-think it and make a huge deal about it. Just be cool, talk to her and be friendly with her. If she ups her flirting slightly, match it. (JUST DON'T OVER-DO IT!!! I can't stress that enough)

Just ask her the same questions you'd ask someone that you're trying to get to know better as friends. Do your best to remember everything she tells you. (this can earn you bonus points as girls love when you demonstrate that you were in fact paying attention and taking interest in what they have to say)


----------



## Brill

Thanks guys. To be honest i'm terrible at social skills and lack the ability to think of topics to talk about to anyone. I'm currently in therapy to get some, but its a slow process.


----------



## tacotiklah

That's gonna hurt you in the long wrong. The way to man's heart may be through his stomach (though rumor has it, the real source may lie further south.  ), however the way to a woman's heart is by using your ears and memory.

Hit me up on facebook if you want some suggestions as to what to ask.


----------



## kochmirizliv

traditional said:


> I've always wanted to post in this thread, so here goes;
> I've been with my girlfriend for two years, lived together for most of that time. We're one of those couples that were best friends before we got together, so moving in so quickly wasn't a big deal at all.
> I waited a long, long time to find a girl like this and commit to a relationship like this. I dealt with the manipulative, unstable, lying, cheating and bat-shit crazy girls and also periods of having no interest in the opposite sex whatsoever. Because of that, I found it very hard to have that confidence in saying "I know she loves me, I know I trust her and I know she won't do anything to ruin that." But I swear, finally having that feeling is so great.
> 
> I know this seems like a semi-useless rant, but I guess it's meant to be another 'don't give up hope' story. I've been through a lot in my short time on this planet, but I'm confident that there's someone out there for everyone. We're in a day and age where it's easier to meet people who you're more compatible with. So, put your best foot forward and just work at it. It will rarely ever work straight away, but one day you'll meet the person you knew you were meant to be with. /endcornyrant.



Hope some day to find again that kind of relationship...


----------



## benduncan

i dont know why but i found the she complimented me on my hat part...i cant think of another way to say this in a forum full of guys....cute

lol


----------



## Brill

benduncan said:


> i dont know why but i found the she complimented me on my hat part...i cant think of another way to say this in a forum full of guys....cute
> 
> lol



Its because my hat is a fucking kawaii wolf.


----------



## Cynic

I'm starting to get the feeling that most women aren't interested in me because I still don't look like a man at 20 years old. Fuck, this saddens me.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Cynic said:


> I'm starting to get the feeling that most women aren't interested in me because I still don't look like a man at 20 years old. Fuck, this saddens me.



Most girls my age (16) aren't attracted to me because I look like I'm 21 or something. Gotta full beard and am pretty big. 
So i got a 21 year old girlfriend.


----------



## Stealthdjentstic

Anyones girlfriend ever accuse them of being gay? My ex did this once and I was like..uh wtf? 

I think its all those articles they read in womans magazines...


----------



## m3l-mrq3z

A girlfriend I had thought I was gay because I shaved my legs once.

Is that gay?


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Stealthdjentstic said:


> Anyones girlfriend ever accuse them of being gay? My ex did this once and I was like..uh wtf?
> 
> I think its all those articles they read in womans magazines...



Or maybe she found out about you and Randy.


----------



## Stealthdjentstic

It was a one time thing I swear


----------



## Varcolac

Stealthdjentstic said:


> Anyones girlfriend ever accuse them of being gay? My ex did this once and I was like..uh wtf?
> 
> I think its all those articles they read in womans magazines...



Mine laments that I've never shown any signs of bisexual curiosity. She's of the opinion that me making out with another dude would be hot. 

Probably would be - I'm a handsome gentleman. No interest though, so her wish to objectify my man-love will go forever unfulfilled.


----------



## blaaargh

So I've been with this girl for almost two years now. We've been in a long distance relationship since last fall, when I dropped out of college and moved back in with my parents. We only see each other about once a month, and it's great when we do, but in between that it's pretty much hell. I mean, we both love each other and are trying as hard as we can to make it work, but the distance, combined with our own shitty personal situations, puts a lot of strain on the relationship. She has a lot of emotional issues. I'm talking social anxiety so bad that she can't even go to class without having a panic attack, low self-esteem, a seeming inability to trust anyone, a tendency toward relationships in which she's completely dependent on the other person, and many other things. She's taking some time off from school right now to get therapy to deal with these things, but right now I'm the only one she can lean on, since she's got no friends. I wish I could be there for her more and help her with her problems, but I've got my own shit to deal with and I just can't be there for her like she needs me to. I'm broke, have no steady job (I've been just working whatever random temporary shit I can find while looking for a more permanent thing), no car after an accident a few weeks ago, and no idea what I'll be doing next year, let alone for the rest of my life. It's hard for me to be supportive of her when my own outlook is so bleak, but if I don't she gets mad at me because "you don't care about me." Last night she called me at like 2 in the morning because she was depressed and needed someone to talk to. I was half asleep and not really able to carry on a conversation in the first place, and when she gets like this, I tend to not really say much because she gets mad at me pretty much always. This happens pretty regularly, and usually ends in her screaming at me, hanging up, then calling back later and apologizing. I try to be pretty patient and understanding, but I just don't know how much more of this I can take. I don't want to just end it though, because when she's not like that, we have really good chemistry. She's the sweetest, most caring and supportive person in my life and she's been with me through a lot of shit. Stuff like that doesn't happen very frequently and I'm probably making it sound a lot worse than it is. Besides, if I leave her because of it, it'll probably fuck her up even worse, and I don't know if I want to have that guilt on my hands. At the same time though, I can't help but wonder if this relationship is just bringing me down. somanyfeels.jpg


----------



## flint757

That is an incredibly unhealthy relationship as you described it and there is little you can do to help her based on what you have said. Assuming she doesn't spiral into depression breaking up would probably be good for her honestly. It sounds like she relies WAY too much on you and the separation might help her grow past that. 

Never stay in a relationship just because you feel obligated to and if one or both of you can't seem to function without the other it is time for some distance IMO.


----------



## blaaargh

That's the thing, if I did break up with her she'd almost certainly go into a really severe depression, possibly even suicidal. And I doubt it'd change anything as all her past relationships have been like that; she'd just find someone else to depend on like this. 
It's not like that's the only reason I haven't left her, though - like I said, we've got a lot in common, and when she's not in psycho bitch mode (which is most of the time, thank god) she's sweet, caring, intelligent, and a genuinely beautiful person despite all the flaws. I fucking love her and I'm just hoping that therapy can help her get where she needs to be.


----------



## flint757

Well therapy and you setting boundaries are your only option if you intend to stay. I'd suggest, for instance, not allowing her to call you in the middle of the night.

Hopefully therapy works for both yours and her sake.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

the girl i have been seeing is moving to Europe for 2 years on friday. i told myself i wouldn't get attached, but that didn't work 
ah well, a bit of heartbreak will toughen my heart up a bit, so i know i can count on it when i need it!


----------



## m3l-mrq3z

flint757 said:


> Well therapy and you setting boundaries are your only option if you intend to stay. I'd suggest, for instance, not allowing her to call you in the middle of the night.
> 
> Hopefully therapy works for both yours and her sake.



I read all your posts in Morpheus`s voice, damn.


----------



## The Buttmonkey

Hey guys. You may may remember me from when I posted about some girl that was 4 years younger than me, but that's over and done now. A while after that was settled, I was texted by an old female friend of mine, with whom I hadn't spoken in a while. So, we get to messaging and then we started video chatting and calling each other regularly. She admitted she was somewhat interested in me a few weeks ago and we scheduled a date to go see The Hobbit and eat dinner together. Well Tuesday, I was going up to Atlanta to go see Devin Townsend and Gojira (She lives in ATL at school) and we decided to go out for a brief dinner at a nice restaurant in town with my best friend who was coming to the concert with me. So we had a nice dinner, chatted a bit and then went our separate ways. And I'm really excited for our date tomorrow because it will be my first date EVER. 

Last time we were talking(a year ago) I asked her to prom but it didn't work out, so I've liked her for a while. She's very intelligent and calm and as far as I can tell, relatively drama-free. And she's of course very sweet. When we ate dinner together I noticed she has the neatest color eyes. They're like a pale blue-green which somehow manages to be bright at the same time.

I'm 17 now and a high school senior and she's 18 and a college freshman. I'm very excited to see where this might go. Who knows? She might be a horny one lol.


jk jk


----------



## glassmoon0fo

You're not joking  Take it easy man, and don't change the game up. If theres going to be any sex, she needs to feel like it's her idea and not yours, so don't let the little head do the thinking haha. Good luck pimp!


----------



## Metal_Webb

So the girl from last week is coming around so we can build a birdhouse.

SCRAMBLE TO CLEAN ALL THE THINGS


Edit: ...aaaaand she just wants to hang out and make new friends. Oh well, this I can deal with.


----------



## Watty

When a waitress at a (nicer) restaurant formally introduces herself to you (just moved into the neighborhood) after the meal, she's....

*and go*

Edit: Totally invalidates the "service with a smile" required in customer service argument, does it not?


----------



## MFB

Watty said:


> When a waitress at a (nicer) restaurant formally introduces herself to you (just moved into the neighborhood) after the meal, she's....
> 
> *and go*



Asking for the D


----------



## Watty

I did actually laugh out loud...nice one.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

She wants to actually eat the food at the restaurant she serves at. Take her to dinner there.


----------



## Watty

So, ask her to come into work on one of her days off?!  She mentioned her weekend and it doesn't match with mine. Being that she works nights, I figure that'd be a silly idea.

Regardless, I'm just not sure if it's her being extra nice or not. Like I said, the fact that she definitely didn't have to offer her name (also offered to answer questions about the area) to fulfill the customer service bit leads me to believe she's somewhat into me.

Double-edged sword though, as if not...might have to avoid the restaurant, which actually has really good food.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

If you're interested, and she's engaging you, it's on man. It's now your job to show her that she's hella attracted to you whether she knows it yet or not...wait didn't we just have a talk about this elsewhere? 

Seriously dude, sarge the hell out of that situation, and if it doesn't work out, keep her around as a friend. She might have hot friends she could recommend you . On top of that, don't skip out on that restaurant over some girl, you're a man dammit


----------



## Watty

glassmoon0fo said:


> If you're interested, and she's engaging you, it's on man. It's now your job to show her that she's hella attracted to you whether she knows it yet or not...wait didn't we just have a talk about this elsewhere?



Fair point, I'm planning on going back this weekend and taking her up on her offer of "local insight." 



glassmoon0fo said:


> Seriously dude, sarge the hell out of that situation, and if it doesn't work out, keep her around as a friend. She might have hot friends she could recommend you . On top of that, don't skip out on that restaurant over some girl, you're a man dammit



Let's say that if I took as long to befriend her in that regard as it did some of my other buddies, I'd be broke. It IS a nicer restaurant after all.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

i say go in again and ask her if you can give her your number, and if she'd like a coffee/drink sometime


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Yeah don't take her there. My girlfriend works at Goodwill and anytime I ask her if she wants to come shopping there with me she gets pissed off. 
Show her you BlackWater guitar man, that things' a fucking panty dropper if i've seen one. Then say something dumb like "arpeggio" and you're in.


----------



## Church2224

Well, I think another opportunity has presented itself! 

More to come...


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^all solid advice. Proud of you, Relationships Thread!

EDIT: 'd


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Hooray, more helpful things i've said. I tend to be happy when i'm useful around here, most of posts are pointless commentary with  at the end.


----------



## Watty

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> Show her you BlackWater guitar man, that things' a fucking panty dropper if i've seen one. Then say something dumb like "arpeggio" and you're in.



If it were that easy, half the forum would be dripping with sex. 

However, along that line, per her offer, I was going to ask if there was a music store nearby...that would sell, you know....guitar stuff. 

Edit: Yes. Dripping. With. Sex.


----------



## Church2224

Church2224 said:


> Back to this, she apparently also never mentioned to me she is 17 years old, and also she was home schooled...explains A LOT about the situation though.
> 
> Fuckin' dodged a legal bullet with that one



Ok, back to this...YET AGAIN 

Apparently she broke up with her BF because his ass cheated on her (Guy needs a bullet to the head for it, she is a gorgeous girl) She is not heart broken about it though, idk what is up with that. BUT on top of that, it seems she has had a thing for me since we met and communication between the two of us was all over the place. And I do have some feelings for her still, she is a sweetheart, plus I am not going to deny myself the opportunity. 

So I could go out with her and avoid sex until she is 18 (I am 21) in a couple of months, which I can do because that is not the reason I wanted to date her in the first place. My only issue is I am friends with her older brother. Should I talk to him first about this situation? I mean I am good friends with him and he knows me well, I just want to tell him what my intentions are and I do not want to hurt any one or any tension to come between us. I think he knew I was trying to go out with her in the first place, because I met her first...


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

I don't really have a lot to say about my situation right now, but... 

Screw everything. And not in a good way.


----------



## JosephAOI

Copypasted from the 'why r u hppy thrd':

I just broke up with my gf for the last time. While we weren't officially together, we pretty much were. I found out she's been seeing some other guy while I've been home from school and it really pissed me off. I felt betrayed. So, somehow, being angry, I lost most of my feelings for her. I have no attachment whatsoever. I feel so relieved in a way. 

Also, that foxy lady I posted back in November that I had a skype date with, if any of you remember her, we're talking again and she's totally into me and hopefully she's gonna come down for a weekend sometime 

Also, I'm seeing Meshuggah in 11 days!!!!!! (Not relevant but _FUCK_ AM I EXCITED)


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Church2224 said:


> Ok, back to this...YET AGAIN
> 
> Apparently she broke up with her BF because his ass cheated on her (Guy needs a bullet to the head for it, she is a gorgeous girl) She is not heart broken about it though, idk what is up with that. BUT on top of that, it seems she has had a thing for me since we met and communication between the two of us was all over the place. And I do have some feelings for her still, she is a sweetheart, plus I am not going to deny myself the opportunity.
> 
> So I could go out with her and avoid sex until she is 18 (I am 21) in a couple of months, which I can do because that is not the reason I wanted to date her in the first place. My only issue is I am friends with her older brother. Should I talk to him first about this situation? I mean I am good friends with him and he knows me well, I just want to tell him what my intentions are and I do not want to hurt any one or any tension to come between us. I think he knew I was trying to go out with her in the first place, because I met her first...


 
The way I see it:

If you talk to him first he'll either not give a shit, hate you or warm up to the idea

If you don't talk to him first he'll either not give a shit, hate you or warm up to the idea

So maybe go for honesty is the best policy? Lol


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Today some one told me that my gf is planning on dumbing me in march if she isn't happier, cause she loves some other guy. I was worried she would break up with me for him, after she started talking about him cause that's how my last relationship ended. I may just be bithcing, cause that's what young people do. :/


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Dan_Vacant said:


> Today some one told me that my gf is planning on dumbing me in march if she isn't happier, cause she loves some other guy. I was worried she would break up with me for him, after she started talking about him cause that's how my last relationship ended. I may just be bithcing, cause that's what young people do. :/


No man that definitely just sounds like a shitty scenario to me.


----------



## flint757

How odd that she put a time frame on it. If that's true, whether she begins to feel better or not about things, I'd dump her ass. JMO YMMV


----------



## Cynic

flint757 said:


> How odd that she put a time frame on it. If that's true, whether she begins to feel better or not about things, I'd dump her ass. JMO YMMV



^


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Dan_Vacant said:


> Today some one told me that my gf is planning on dumbing me in march if she isn't happier, cause she loves some other guy. I was worried she would break up with me for him, after she started talking about him cause that's how my last relationship ended. I may just be bithcing, cause that's what young people do. :/



She said she loves another guy, sorry dude but for me personally id be ending it right there, your more than likely going to be really hurt in a month and a half's time..


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Kiwimetal101 said:


> She said she loves another guy, sorry dude but for me personally id be ending it right there, your more than likely going to be really hurt in a month and a half's time..


 It was from another person so I'm not sure how true it is, but eh idk.


----------



## flint757

Does this person have a reason to lie? Anything to gain? Based on the initial post it sounded like you were suspicious, to say the least, without being told anything.

If it is true it isn't a very healthy place to be. She's interested in someone else, she is placing a deadline on the relationship and shouldering you with all the responsibility to mend it while she has one foot already out the door. 

If I could trust this person or had a reason to think they were on to something I'd personally beat her to the punch.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

flint757 said:


> Does this person have a reason to lie? Anything to gain? Based on the initial post it sounded like you were suspicious, to say the least, without being told anything.
> 
> If it is true it isn't a very healthy place to be. She's interested in someone else, she is placing a deadline on the relationship and shouldering you with all the responsibility to mend it while she has one foot already out the door.
> 
> If I could trust this person or had a reason to think they were on to something I'd personally beat her to the punch.


 That is pretty much what I thought the other day, but I'm going to bring it up today, even though I'm a complete puss.


----------



## JosephAOI

Don't be a pussy about it. You have at least a little right to be angry about it that she's going around telling people that she loves someone else and that she's thinking about dumping you. Take the offensive and call her out. Like Flint said, beat her to the punch.


----------



## Church2224

Kiwimetal101 said:


> The way I see it:
> 
> If you talk to him first he'll either not give a shit, hate you or warm up to the idea
> 
> If you don't talk to him first he'll either not give a shit, hate you or warm up to the idea
> 
> So maybe go for honesty is the best policy? Lol



I did talk to him, and he was really cool about it because he thinks I am a good dude and a good friend. 

But, I went over to their house to chill the other night and was going to ask her out then, but she was in the arms of some jock foot ball and lacrosse playing asshole. I talked this asshole for a second. I know his type, dealt with them many times before, the type of guy that needs to get his ass kicked and taken down a few notches. Some 6'7" inch prick, has gotten into some trouble before, plays sports, barely payed that much attention to her (she was more into him than he was into her). The prick does not even have a job or even a car! His dad had to come pick his bitch ass up at the end of the night.

Hell I held the door open for her a few times that night and even gave her my jacket to keep warm, I tried having a good conversation with her. The prick did jack shit....

Why the fuck do girls go after these type of assholes OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN?

I have a job, hell I am even going to start my own goddamn business, I own my own vehicle, I have morals and standards, I have been pretty out-going recently. What in the fuck is wrong with me that no woman wants me? I need some one to answer this, I am getting tired of it. This is not the first time this has happened either...

At least her brother apologized, apparently he had never seen this asshole before.


----------



## soliloquy

/\ in my experiences, ALWAYS ask the brother first! 

but as for the jock...some of us on the forum have a theory that the reason why 'nice guys finish last' is because they are VERY supportive of the girl, which is great. but they dont have their shit together, nor do they have a drive. you may have a job, but that doesn't mean anything. you could be working at mcdonalds as a 'filler' job to pay your rent, but as a career? maybe his goal is to play for the NFL and thats all his focus is on? women like seeing a guy being driven, regardless of what that drive is for. 

that, or she's batshit crazy, and is trying to make you jealous so you ask her out faster than you intend to? 

at the same time, from personal experience, if i give a stranger girl my coat to keep her warm, my personal goal isn't to get into her pants, but to keep her warm. however, she sees it as 'i'm nice to everyone, thus she is a)not interested b)she isn't secure with you as you're nice to everyone. 






my personal issue...been with the girl for 5 years (in march). things are great. however, i dont have a decent job. i work retail. i'm trying to GET OUT of retail. she got a job with a bank fairly easily out of college. i graduated out of university in 2011 and still struggling to find a meaningful job. she keeps suggesting/threatening/giving ultimatums that 'if i dont get a job by _____ shes gone'....only for her to apologize the next day saying shes hormonal. 

part of me thinks she really wants to leave, but doesn't have the courage to leave. as much as i love her, i'm thinking i should push her away as that is what she wants...isn't it?


----------



## Church2224

I do not think that a lack of drive is my issue. My goal is to make it as a professional landscape contractor. I am getting my business license and business insurance soon too and I plan on doing that for the rest of my life, for it to grow and develop, to make good money ect. I have more ambition that any one I know...


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Church, I feel for you man. There are lots of things to be known here that really just kind of suck to hear if you're a normal friendly jack like most of us, but just from your description I can tell you: he's a challenge, you're not. He holds himself higher in status than her, you dont. Fucked up as that is, it gets women's emotions going alot faster than being nice and accomodating does, and women run off emotion like cars run off gas. If she has enough time to sit back and think about it, she'll rationalize that you're the better guy, but you need to be cool until then. Don't worry about this other guy, he IS competition, but you arent competing directly with him. The decision isn't yours, it's hers, so all you can do is represent someone who is secure, fun, and in tune with her. If you guys ever "vibe" on any certain level, get her there and keep her there. Amp up your stock, keep the attraction going, and then when it's at its best, leave and give her time to miss you. And, if she ends up with this guy anyway, well you can't miss what you never had. 

I know it can suck to get "one-itis" for a girl, and losing this one would really hurt, that's why I take the attitude of "you want me, come earn me, or I can find another one." The jock probably has that confidence going one, while you may come off as the type to be there for her after things go sour with the "bad boy". DONT be the guy, be the guy that she doesn't want to fuck things up with. That's the best advice I have at the moment, and though it doesn't feel good, just know that you DONT deserve to be someone's second choice, and there's ALWAYS another girl nearby that you can charm the pants off of (and if there isn't, find one). Good luck man


----------



## UnderTheSign

Church2224 said:


> I do not think that a lack of drive is my issue. My goal is to make it as a professional landscape contractor. I am getting my business license and business insurance soon too and I plan on doing that for the rest of my life, for it to grow and develop, to make good money ect. I have more ambition that any one I know...


Yet the 'jock' gets the girl. Retrace your steps. What does he have that you don't have, what did he do that you didn't do? Or maybe it's what you did and he didn't.


----------



## Cynic

Women are flaky as hell. ughhh


----------



## glassmoon0fo

QUIT BLAMING WOMEN.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

glassmoon0fo said:


> QUIT BLAMING WOMEN.


 Don't listen to him


----------



## Cynic

glassmoon0fo said:


> QUIT BLAMING WOMEN.



Can't help but generalize when it's happening all tha fukin tym.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Cynic said:


> Can't help but generalize when it's happening all tha fukin tym.


 
And what's the common denominator in all those encounters? 

It's not a mature point of view for blaming women for being the way they've pretty much always been. Men have to take responsibility for their role in the mating ritual. Women are flakey because most men dont understand them and arrent interesting or compellingly attractive to them, and that's mostly because most of the shit we see on tv and the stuff our moms told us that girls like is shit. I'm not calling you out personally at all man, that was not my intention and I hope you didnt take it that way. But, blaming women changes nothing. Taking responsibility for your ability to attract and keep them makes ALL the difference.


----------



## Mexi

soliloquy said:


> my personal issue...been with the girl for 5 years (in march). things are great. however, i dont have a decent job. i work retail. i'm trying to GET OUT of retail. she got a job with a bank fairly easily out of college. i graduated out of university in 2011 and still struggling to find a meaningful job. she keeps suggesting/threatening/giving ultimatums that 'if i dont get a job by _____ shes gone'....only for her to apologize the next day saying shes hormonal.
> 
> part of me thinks she really wants to leave, but doesn't have the courage to leave. as much as i love her, i'm thinking i should push her away as that is what she wants...isn't it?



sorry to hear that man. I'm in a similar boat, except with no girlfriend. graduated back in '10 and then sort of fell into this anxiety/depression and just became withdrawn for a long ass time, gained weight, etc. fast forward 2 years and I've lost weight, I'm taking a few courses at uni and hopefully doing grad school in the fall and really gotten to deal with a lot of core issues I'd struggled with for years

however...I'm still broke, no job atm, living back at home and clearly, to any reasonable woman, not someone who has his shit together. I may have ambition to do greater things, but 20something girls don't want to deal with a broke ass boyfriend, living at home who can barely afford to go out for drinks, let alone more typical relationship shit. /personal rant over

however to your point, I think the fact that she's focusing on the job thing is because, after 5 years of being together, she could want to escalate the relationship (and that costs money!) but she doesn't want to be "that girl" that dumps an otherwise great guy because he doesn't have a great job. she cares enough about it to bring it up (albeit in a confrontational and not particularly productive way), but has a hard time reconciling her expectations of the future of the relationship with the financial reality or perceived lack of ambition on your part.  

I don't think she *wants* you to push her away, but I think she wants to be assured that whatever your relationship has a financial basis for a future. Her "ultimatums" seem more indicative of her frustration than a lack of love. Ask her to help you with the job situation in whatever way she can (certainly more helpful than 'get a job by x or I'm gone') I think she just needs to feel that the relationship has a sense of forward momentum (which I think is the issue she's having imo)


----------



## flint757

Church2224 said:


> I did talk to him, and he was really cool about it because he thinks I am a good dude and a good friend.
> 
> But, I went over to their house to chill the other night and was going to ask her out then, but she was in the arms of some jock foot ball and lacrosse playing asshole. I talked this asshole for a second. I know his type, dealt with them many times before, the type of guy that needs to get his ass kicked and taken down a few notches. Some 6'7" inch prick, has gotten into some trouble before, plays sports, barely payed that much attention to her (she was more into him than he was into her). The prick does not even have a job or even a car! His dad had to come pick his bitch ass up at the end of the night.
> 
> Hell I held the door open for her a few times that night and even gave her my jacket to keep warm, I tried having a good conversation with her. The prick did jack shit....
> 
> Why the fuck do girls go after these type of assholes OVER AND FUCKING OVER AGAIN?
> 
> I have a job, hell I am even going to start my own goddamn business, I own my own vehicle, I have morals and standards, I have been pretty out-going recently. What in the fuck is wrong with me that no woman wants me? I need some one to answer this, I am getting tired of it. This is not the first time this has happened either...
> 
> At least her brother apologized, apparently he had never seen this asshole before.





glassmoon0fo said:


> Church, I feel for you man. There are lots of things to be known here that really just kind of suck to hear if you're a normal friendly jack like most of us, but just from your description I can tell you: he's a challenge, you're not. He holds himself higher in status than her, you dont. Fucked up as that is, it gets women's emotions going alot faster than being nice and accomodating does, and women run off emotion like cars run off gas. If she has enough time to sit back and think about it, she'll rationalize that you're the better guy, but you need to be cool until then. Don't worry about this other guy, he IS competition, but you arent competing directly with him. The decision isn't yours, it's hers, so all you can do is represent someone who is secure, fun, and in tune with her. If you guys ever "vibe" on any certain level, get her there and keep her there. Amp up your stock, keep the attraction going, and then when it's at its best, leave and give her time to miss you. And, if she ends up with this guy anyway, well you can't miss what you never had.
> 
> I know it can suck to get "one-itis" for a girl, and losing this one would really hurt, that's why I take the attitude of "you want me, come earn me, or I can find another one." The jock probably has that confidence going one, while you may come off as the type to be there for her after things go sour with the "bad boy". DONT be the guy, be the guy that she doesn't want to fuck things up with. That's the best advice I have at the moment, and though it doesn't feel good, just know that you DONT deserve to be someone's second choice, and there's ALWAYS another girl nearby that you can charm the pants off of (and if there isn't, find one). Good luck man



Pretty much what glassmoon0fo said, but also you might just not have been quick enough and that could be it. 

What I can say is you have no right to be that offended. She did not betray you as you weren't going out and you have no agreement with her or guarantee's. She very well may not even be interested in that with you (not saying she isn't or trying to be a dick, but it is a possibility you shouldn't completely dismiss). There could be a multitude of reasons, but I think you being a friend and sitting on the sidelines when someone else was willing to swing at the plate is the only reason you came up short in this scenario, if she is someone typically open to relationship opportunities. If that isn't the case then it is because of the role you placed yourself in, in the relationship, which again is not her fault entirely. Your blame is misplaced.


----------



## Church2224

flint757 said:


> Pretty much what glassmoon0fo said, but also you might just not have been quick enough and that could be it.
> 
> What I can say is you have no right to be that offended. She did not betray you as you weren't going out and you have no agreement with her or guarantee's. She very well may not even be interested in that with you (not saying she isn't or trying to be a dick, but it is a possibility you shouldn't completely dismiss). There could be a multitude of reasons, but I think you being a friend and sitting on the sidelines when someone else was willing to swing at the plate is the only reason you came up short in this scenario, if she is someone typically open to relationship opportunities. If that isn't the case then it is because of the role you placed yourself in, in the relationship, which again is not her fault entirely. Your blame is misplaced.



I honestly do not know how she felt about me in the first place, but the signs were there that she did like me, and I was trying to take it slow with her. But after talking to her brother for a bit about this, she does seem to go after these type of guys over and over again and she gets her heart broken every single time. (Also amazing how two kids from the same family are completely different) Idk, I just want to know how I can get some one like her again, some one that beautiful but with a good heart, and be the man women want to be with because I know I am not it currently...


----------



## texshred777

Kev, I love you bro but slow down man. I wouldn't even worry about it, you're 21. You'll find someone, and you'll be in the best place to find a quality partner when you're feeling less desperate and seeking it out.

Hang in there, man. There are plenty women out there that are beautiful and sweet. You just need to get your confidence, and you'll find meeting them is really not difficult.

BTW, you do that "homework" yet?


----------



## flint757

Church2224 said:


> I honestly do not know how she felt about me in the first place, but the signs were there that she did like me, and I was trying to take it slow with her. But after talking to her brother for a bit about this, she does seem to go after these type of guys over and over again and she gets her heart broken every single time. (Also amazing how two kids from the same family are completely different) Idk, I just want to know how I can get some one like her again, some one that beautiful but with a good heart, and be the man women want to be with because I know I am not it currently...



Next time she is single (if it happens over and over again then there is always a window) just straight up ask her out. At that point you will find out if it is something you did or it really was just a timing thing.

At the very worst you learn what you did wrong which isn't so bad when you think about it. Chin up. 

I hope my original post didn't offend you as that wasn't my intent.


----------



## Church2224

No Flint I understand what you are saying, you're a good man, I understand you are just trying to help. And thanks Tex and Glassmoon, you are good people. 

My psychologist, who I had an appointment with today and has helped me a lot, said that she is just too young, I did nothing wrong, and I should not be so hard on myself about it. Logically, I would be the right choice but at her age she does not see that and wants the big jock guy right now. It is something that is out of my control, and I need to move on and let go. She might want to come back to me when she is older, but that is far away. He also said that I should stay optimistic and look forward to the future, too, I got my 20s to look forward to and my opportunities will broaden as I get older. So he said exactly what you all said lol. 

I also did go ahead and officially hired a dating coach after much thought, a woman who lives in my area. She seems nice and passionate about it all, and plans to transform the man I am into a man women want. I learn better with some one showing me something, and I look forward to it. Plus, it is a lot cheaper than I expected. I hope it works, and wish me luck everyone. And Thank you.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Good to hear you being more optimistic about it all man.. 
Just think, Soon you'll have a prs, shur and what not to keep you happy.. The bitches will come running soon after haha


----------



## glassmoon0fo

threesome girl's been inviting me/us over a lot and flaking on us lately, then coming back and saying something fairly sexualized to string me along. I learned a long time ago to not put up with that game, so I told her don't bother and lose my number. She started asking what she did wrong and why I don't want to see her anymore, so I ignored her some more. And now we wait.


----------



## tacotiklah

Didn't wanna make a whole new thread for Valentine's Day, so I'll just post this in here since it's related.


----------



## misingonestring

I had my first valentines day with my girlfriend, it was pretty okay. She was recovering from a cold sore so I couldn't kiss her.

I painted a burning church with her.


----------



## Furtive Glance

Have a date with a 19-year old tomorrow. Woot. (I'm 23 and feel kinda creep-ish despite it only being 4 years of difference, haha). This'll be my first date in a year or something. She was the one chasing me this time though, it's fucking awesome. Ignoring girls does wonders as glassmoon0fo says.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

So I talked to what was my girl friend about her leaving me for another guy, I was wanting to do it in person but she was with a friend and it would have been days and it was bugging me for a while so I decided I'll have to do it over text. But she said her words where twisted she told me he said she had till march 1st to decide if she was going to break up with me and date him (I wanna punch him right in the nose for that), but I asked her if I was over thinking it that she will leave me for him casue she's going to get bored of me. She said I was over thinking. So I was pissed at them both. I thought since she is confused and doesn't know what to do, or is trying to figure out a way not to hurt any ones feelings, I asked if she would want to take a while to think about it. so after a day we talked about it a bit more and she said it would be wrong if she staid with me and didn't have the same feelings for me. Now I shall hit on every other women I see.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

From that relationship I learned that I shouldn't date some one that is to nice and I shouldn't be to nice, kinda let the women know of my stash of fucks that I will not give away.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Well, this was weird. Like I mentioned a couple pages back I signed up on OKCupid for shits and giggles... Had a date this wednesday, no click at all. She was really fun in her inbox messages though our conversations were always pretty superficial, nothing in depth or really personal. Then there's this other girl that turned out to live on the other side of the country with her mom, but her dad lives in my town and she's over here once every month. We decided to meet up last night and it was great. Went to a party with a couple of my friends and we clicked right away. We ended up going back to my place for some snuggling and kissing and I brought her home at 5.30AM, haha. I just found her Twitter account by accident and she'd been tweeting about how nervous she was about meeting me a couple of days. Oh, and this one's from last night "Gosh he's hot. Holy shit. What did I do to deserve this? Fuck!"
Mission accomplished I'd say and quite a surprise...


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Dan_Vacant said:


> From that relationship I learned that I shouldn't date some one that is to nice and I shouldn't be to nice, kinda let the women know of my stash of fucks that I will not give away.


 
Good start man, just don't carry that baggage around. You are not your failed relationships, you are the greatest possible version of yourself waiting to happen. And, if some guy can give your girl an ultimatum to date him and take her away from you, he did you a favor. She isn't keeper material and he'll probably fuck her over in the long run, so sleep easy. Take a few days to digest the bad feelings, and go out and have fun with women. They havn't met a guy like you yet


----------



## Church2224

Another one of my friends, who is dead gorgeous, said I am good looking guy last night. I wish this one was not so immature with relationships and had an idea as to what she wants, I would date her in a heartbeat. 

Confidence level with women has skyrocketed. Not often beautiful girls say that about me.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

I thought it might be nice to start up a sort of new deal here in the relationships thread that I've seen elsewhere. If you have a good or bad or weird conversation with a girl, text or talk, post it here for people to critique. It'll help everyone know what works and what doesnt work and sort of unlock the similarities and diferences in a lot of types of women and situations. Details are a must!

So to start, I have a good one. Threesome girl has been kind of stringing me along ever since she got back from her cruise and i got a little weary of the game she was trying to play, so I went no-contact on her for a few days. She texted me yesterday morning saying that her puppy died (this is a week after her other dog ran away), and we talked about how she cant catch a break and she doesn't want to be at home because she doesn't have anyone to pick up the puppys body. I made her laugh a few times and told her I was going to the park down the street from her house and she should come cheerleed my disc golf game. She said she wasn't at home and couldn't, plus her dad was coming to get the dog. Then after my game she said her dad never came and she didn't know what to do about the dog......I'm not her damn maid so I said I'd do it if I didn't have to break into her house to get him and if I didn't get the distinct feeling I was being used lol. She said "what!? I dont use you". I just sent =p and went about my day.

She texted later that day and said "what are you doing today", I said, lots of fun stuff, grilling and chilling for The Walking Dead tonight, she should come. She said she wanted to come over, but not to watch the show. I said, then come over and be more interesting than the best show on TV. She wanted me to ditch it and come put up lost dog posters with her, I said I can come until 6 (an hour from then) and agreed. She called 5 min later and said there was a knock at the door, was it me, I said "nope" and she said it was either her brother or her guy friend, now was not a good time to come over and she had to cancel. This was obviously a shit test, so I said OK, I'll catch you some other time. She called back another 5 min later and said "it was my bro, he's coming back to hang later, you should come". I started getting weary of the games again, but you HAVE to keep your cool! I said, "you have stuff to do tonight, I have stuff to do tonight, it's almost dark and your neighborhood is dangerous (it's not) and we're both off tomorrow, just call me then" and she said no she wants to do the posters tonight. I said, only if you come to my place after for dinner. She said no, so I said I'll see you tomorrow, and then she got kinda flustered and said she would just call her guy friend over to help her out. I said "he must be a fun guy if he's my replacement, but bring mace because you attract men with bad intentions. later =p" 

Hour later, here's the text convo:

Her: when does your thing start?
Me: 8, and it's not a thing
Her: It's a thing
Me: nuh-uh
Her: Yeah-huh
Me: nuh-uh no backsies. And why do you ask?
Her: Because I can. You got a problem with that?
Me: You're cute when you're frustrated. Just come over lol
Her: Never!!
Me: It's not a marriage proposal, but it's the best I can do.
Her: If that's how you proposed to (fiance), I'm surprised she said yes. Lol 
Me: I coulda don it with a text message and a ring I made in crafts class. She's not crazy B)
Her (30 min later): C u soon

It was a good night =). I thought this was a good example of how dealing with women can be EXTREAMLY frustrating if you let it, but in a way, when a girl is working some kind of jealously angle or playing a game with you, play it back and turn it up and she'll start acting like a frustrated man. It's really kind of fascinating. Hope this was as interesting to you as it was to me!


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Her dog ran away because she's a pain in the ass.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Fuck yeah man, i'll have to use that


----------



## leandroab

Do you know what is worse than NOT having sex with a girl? ALMOST having sex with a girl. Now, multiply that by 2. I ALMOST had sex with TWO girls in two days. 

Tell me about blue fucking balls.... 



glassmoon0fo said:


> blablabla



This was very confusing... I'm sorry man, but this girl is annoying as hell hahhaha


----------



## glassmoon0fo

What are you talking about man? That was fun, hard to get is the best game when you know how to get


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Yo, all masters and noobs of the female-kind tell me what you think is going on here

A couple weeks ago I met a girl at a party I guess?? I dont remember it but she claims we talked for a while, so anyway she gets my number from a mutual friend and starts texting me. She invites me to hang out the next weekend and we do just that. The next weekend she asked me to come to a party with her and I did. The party is at her... wait for it... BOYFRIENDS COWORKERS HOUSE. Her boyfriend is in Kenya for several months and I had NO IDEA he existed. So anyway she start like holding my hand and just being all over me in general and Im pretty sure she likes me, but she has a boyfriend so... anyway, everyone Ive talked to who knows the boyfriend says hes this short nerdy pushover dude (several have even laughed when they realized who he was) so Im wondering if shes actually into me or if shes just hanging out with me while her joke of a boyfriend is out of town. (I call him a joke because his girlfriend is clearly going behind his back to a certain degree)

Edit: Right now Im thinking I may as well go balls out and just go in for the kill next time and if she rejects my advances I'll be out of that situation REAL QUICK


----------



## leandroab

PyramidSmasher said:


> Yo, all masters and noobs of the female-kind tell me what you think is going on here
> 
> A couple weeks ago I met a girl at a party I guess?? I dont remember it but she claims we talked for a while, so anyway she gets my number from a mutual friend and starts texting me. She invites me to hang out the next weekend and we do just that. The next weekend she asked me to come to a party with her and I did. The party is at her... wait for it... BOYFRIENDS COWORKERS HOUSE. Her boyfriend is in Kenya for several months and I had NO IDEA he existed. So anyway she start like holding my hand and just being all over me in general and Im pretty sure she likes me, but she has a boyfriend so... anyway, everyone Ive talked to who knows the boyfriend says hes this short nerdy pushover dude (several have even laughed when they realized who he was) so Im wondering if shes actually into me or if shes just hanging out with me while her joke of a boyfriend is out of town. (I call him a joke because his girlfriend is clearly going behind his back to a certain degree)
> 
> Edit: Right now Im thinking I may as well go balls out and just go in for the kill next time and if she rejects my advances I'll be out of that situation REAL QUICK



Bang her and leave her. That's what she deserves ahahahha.

Or have some fucking morals and tell her to fuck off because she has a boyfriend. IF she actually wants your D and not a friendship, which is ok.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

leandroab said:


> Bang her and leave her. That's what she deserves ahahahha.
> 
> Or have some fucking morals and tell her to fuck off because she has a boyfriend. IF she actually wants your D and not a friendship, which is ok.



yeah thats what my instinct on this one is. Sucks dude I thought this was a particularly chill female that I connected to and then she dropped that news and Im just like


----------



## Scattered Messiah

go for the kill.
you don't know her dude, so you've nothing to lose, right?

Or, if you really want her friendship: tell her what you think of the way she handled this


----------



## Scattered Messiah

Hi guys( &few girls^^),

do you know the friendzone thingy?
...
yeah 
...
it also kinda sucks, when it's the other way round!
(now, that I have your attention, here's the story):

So, when going to a club, a friend of mine usually happens to join me, often with his best friend (a reeeally hot girl, let's call her A) - were a great team together (we're able to have fun in every situation and pretty much the perfect combination for wingman, peasant and jelaousy tricks).

However recently, I noticed that A somehow is not as actively involved in the game anymore (if it's concerning her or me). after talking to my friend, he said that it seems to be only the case when I'm with them (inb4: maybe you're a turnoff  )- she also starts to act "funny" when other girls show interest in me / I start to show interest in other girls...

This lead us to the assumption, that she might have developed feelings towards me. It kinda makes sense, the way she behaves (taking her behaviour towards my friend as her "standart friendzone behaviour") ... 

So, my 1st world problem at hand obviously is:
how do I get to know what really is behind the whole thing
... without driving her too much into a corner? [I can't imagine her telling by herself (if there were something to tell)]
I don't really know what to do either way, normally I know what I want from a woman (either sex or a friendship or both), but I never really saw her as "available", I guess ...

*confused*


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Keep it simple man. Ask her when you guys have a second, and she'll tell you with her words or with her actions/body language. You know her pretty well, she should tell you whats up or at the very least change her course of action since you've noticed. Not a hard deal, and you aren't in a position to lose anything, so pry away.

and @pyramidsmasher, if it were me, I'd steer clear of those types of girl, just because you'll either be A)a Jody, breaking up a relationship when her man isn't around to fight for her, or B)in a relationship with someone who knows she can smash other dudes whenever she wants. Young women have needs the same as anyone, but she shoulda told her man that before he left. I feel bad for guys in his position, so maybe that's where this is coming from. Think of if you were him. Maybe tell her you're interested as hell, but she needs to settle stuff with her guy first. If she actually likes you, she'll appreciate that you're being a man about it and want you that much more, and you can move forward with respect to all parties from there, or she'll say no and you'll know she's just playing while homie is out of town.

Or if you're just up for the one night thing, smash and move on. Doesn't sound like she's opposed.


----------



## Church2224

So I saw my dating coach today, first thing she said was I am a good looking guy....I cannot believe it has taken 21 years for me to figure that out. But what she did tell me is this. Women like men they have to work for. Also some times we just need to figure some things out about ourselves before we get involved. Once we fix those issues, we can move on and attract any woman we want. 

Also, we need to realize that if woman A does not work out, there is always woman B, then c, d, ect. There are PLENTY out there.

First thing I am starting out with is online dating, and she is going to throw me to the wolves and take me out to places...oh god I am nervous.


----------



## SnowfaLL

soliloquy said:


> /\ in my experiences, ALWAYS ask the brother first!
> 
> but as for the jock...some of us on the forum have a theory that the reason why 'nice guys finish last' is because they are VERY supportive of the girl, which is great. but they dont have their shit together, nor do they have a drive. you may have a job, but that doesn't mean anything. you could be working at mcdonalds as a 'filler' job to pay your rent, but as a career? maybe his goal is to play for the NFL and thats all his focus is on? women like seeing a guy being driven, regardless of what that drive is for.
> 
> that, or she's batshit crazy, and is trying to make you jealous so you ask her out faster than you intend to?
> 
> at the same time, from personal experience, if i give a stranger girl my coat to keep her warm, my personal goal isn't to get into her pants, but to keep her warm. however, she sees it as 'i'm nice to everyone, thus she is a)not interested b)she isn't secure with you as you're nice to everyone.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> my personal issue...been with the girl for 5 years (in march). things are great. however, i dont have a decent job. i work retail. i'm trying to GET OUT of retail. she got a job with a bank fairly easily out of college. i graduated out of university in 2011 and still struggling to find a meaningful job. she keeps suggesting/threatening/giving ultimatums that 'if i dont get a job by _____ shes gone'....only for her to apologize the next day saying shes hormonal.
> 
> part of me thinks she really wants to leave, but doesn't have the courage to leave. as much as i love her, i'm thinking i should push her away as that is what she wants...isn't it?



Its odd cause I find the most times girls have been interested in me, is when Im not nearly close to interested in them. They seem obsessed, like "Why doesnt he like me" type bs, even one girl I honestly treated pretty shitty for 4 years and she was still there for me willing to do anything.. sadly now that I realize how great she was its too late. But the last time I did that with another girl (wasnt flirting back with her flirts) for like 6 months, the moment I asked her out, she changed her mind and decided suddenly not to be into me anymore. Sure, I coulda just done the typical sleep with/not make it serious thing and that woulda worked easily, but I am a relationship guy, I dont really do those things (least, ideally). Anyways, moral of the story, girls want to be treated like shit it seems lol Although I keep telling myself, someday the niceness will be appreciated by a special girl who doesnt play those games, but it really seems like 1 in a million girls.

soliluguy, I hate to say it but honestly if the girl values monetary crap so much, you should probably find someone else. Sounds materialistic and not love. When I was with the girl for 4 years, I had no job, losing money from music gigs even (gas/travel outweighted pay) and I was depressed, 60 lbs fatter than now, and just everything bad. She even said I could live with her and not pay anything til I got on my feet.. which I stupidly didnt want to do. But she stuck by me and never put me down, was the most supportive person ever. Sadly, I let her go but I really think when you care for someone, what job they have shouldnt matter.. but what do I know, I fucked up bigtime lol. 

Now I have an amazing job, pretty much financially stable.. but no girl to reward for it now =[


----------



## Ibanezsam4

me and the girlfriend just took a turn for the worse today.. she's telling me she hasn't been happy since september, and it doesn't help that we've been fighting a lot for a few months already.. we're talking tomorrow morning.. but i don't have a good feeling about this at all... balls


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Church2224 said:


> So I saw my dating coach today, first thing she said was I am a good looking guy....I cannot believe it has taken 21 years for me to figure that out. But what she did tell me is this. Women like men they have to work for. Also some times we just need to figure some things out about ourselves before we get involved. Once we fix those issues, we can move on and attract any woman we want.
> 
> Also, we need to realize that if woman A does not work out, there is always woman B, then c, d, ect. There are PLENTY out there.
> 
> First thing I am starting out with is online dating, and she is going to throw me to the wolves and take me out to places...oh god I am nervous.



Go hard mate! Make us proud!

Remember.. YOUR FUCKING CHURCH!


----------



## MFB

I don't see what his church dedicated to fucking has to do with this, but if you mean that he himself is Church, then yes you are correct.


----------



## MythicSquirrel

Info on fucking church, thanks in advance.


----------



## soliloquy

i'm trying really hard not to be the dick here.

been with my girl for 5 years. we dont fight. she cries a lot, but she cries over any/everything. she sees a cute bunny, she cries. i didn't land that job, she cries. whatever, i can live with that. she makes me happy. i love her.

however, since november, 2012, i'm hardly spending time with her. we have busy scheduls, i get it. i am always closing, while she is always opening. weekends she dedicates to family, i get that too. but living on my own really sucks. the one person i look forward to is too busy. i dont want her to not spend time with her family. but where do i go? due to that, we are intimate maybe twice or thrice a month (which sounds okay to some...), however, all of that is taking place on the same day...so a month without sex, sometimes more....

yes, i do miss her. i miss us. when we do meet, at times its just sex, and i'm getting annoyed with that as i'm losing her emotionally...



now, on the other hand, i'm working with this girl i wrote about a few pages back. totally amazing girl. first time i've met anyone who is so similar to me. same movies, music, games, poetry, humor, etc. plus, she is drop dead gorgeous! we are always talking, and because we work together, i see her more often than i see my girl.

i'm not single. shes on/off with her bf, but refuses to talk about her bf around me. but she's always flirting with me. i'm usually brushing it off as i'm taken. 

its really hard not to develop feelings for her when i see so little of my gf. and i hate being alone!

and i'm trying to distance myself from that other girl...however, whenever i distance myself from one person, i start distancing myself from everyone, and it leads to a downward spiral for me...


----------



## BlackMastodon

Have you talked to your girlfriend about how little you guys are seeing each other? I wouldn't go running off to the girl you work with so quickly, especially since she has that on/off boyfriend situation (and obviously since you love your girlfriend and have been with her for 5 years). 

Definitely try and figure something out where you guys can spend more time with each other, even if it's just a couple times a week. The more space you guys create the harder it's gonna be and it will most likely fall apart, so definitely try to save it now man.

I'm rooting for you.


----------



## soliloquy

BlackMastodon said:


> Have you talked to your girlfriend about how little you guys are seeing each other? I wouldn't go running off to the girl you work with so quickly, especially since she has that on/off boyfriend situation (and obviously since you love your girlfriend and have been with her for 5 years).
> 
> Definitely try and figure something out where you guys can spend more time with each other, even if it's just a couple times a week. The more space you guys create the harder it's gonna be and it will most likely fall apart, so definitely try to save it now man.
> 
> I'm rooting for you.



i have talked to her about the distance, and it works for one week where we have this really nice date where we are communicating/sharing/talking, which is great. 

and then week two, her mom needs more time from her. again, i would HATE to be a burden on her and her moms relationship. but i need something on my end too. as much as i respect her mom, she's making it difficult on my end.



and i dont intend to leave my girl for the girl i work with anytime soon. it will take a whole lot more for me to leave her. but its frustrating that i cant express my feelings to my best friend (my girlfriend) as she'd start crying. i cant talk to my guy friends as they will tell me to go for the girl i work with. i cant talk to my female friends as most will think i'm a pig...same thing goes for family as my family loves my gf too. 


so here i am, on ss.org...love you guys!


----------



## flint757

Well if a pattern exists then it means she isn't intent on changing and that her other priorities are either more important to her personally or just genuinely more important (like bills). Same for you to a degree I'm sure. 

Truth is the ball is in your court, either stay and deal with bad, which is bugging you enough that I personally don't think it is healthy, or leave (irrelevant to the other girl/possibilities all together). Sometimes caring isn't enough and the length of a relationship should never be a factor in staying or going IMO. It is the equivalent to sunk cost in accounting terms.


----------



## Brill

Turns out im terrible at talking to anyone... 
I think i ruined all my chances with the chick i was talking about before.. She tried talking to me and all i could do was stare at her akwardly..


----------



## Kiwimetal101

The way some girls act, especially in my town.. Which just fucks me off, and is somewhat relevant here...







Also I CBF hitting the gym


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Also 






I lol'd


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Loxodrome said:


> Turns out im terrible at talking to anyone...
> I think i ruined all my chances with the chick i was talking about before.. She tried talking to me and all i could do was stare at her akwardly..



i would try being honest with her, if she tries to get a conversation going admit that sometimes you have a hard time communicating and try and laugh it off... i dont know if it will help, but its something to consider


----------



## Konfyouzd

Kiwimetal101 said:


> The way some girls act, especially in my town.. Which just fucks me off, and is somewhat relevant here...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Also I CBF hitting the gym


Sounds like similar logic to why folks don't think noobs should play nice instruments (a notion I've found most often perpetuated in the guitar realm).

The way two people look really shouldn't factor into whether or not they should be together. If that were the case, I should have never been with a single woman I've ever been with cuz they've all been far more desirable than me.


----------



## leandroab

I'll tell you a tale about my situation. This might be _confusing_.



There is this girl I met which was a friend of a friend of mine. At that time she was digging him. He is one of my best friends. I made sure they would hook up. 

So they start seeing each other after that day and, after some months, I encourage him to start a serious relationship with her, since she's a really cool girl. So everthing goes well for them for about 1 year. 

In the mean time, the girl (a friend now) and I really start clicking. We talk a lot through facebook and whenever we meet. (Mind you now: they both live in my hometown, as I study about 300 miles away in Rio). I start thinking "she's such a nice girl" (diggs all videogames, rock/metal, gorgeous: the typical dream girl for this forum demographic. )

Then they break up. He said he wasn't liking her anymore. Some 6 months go by and I'm back in my hometown for mid-year holidays (1 month). We see eachother a couple of times, have a good time, whatever. At this point there is not a single drop of "maybe I should hook up with her" going on in my mind. I wouldn't do that without talking to my friend (the ex) before anyways.

But little did I now, she was actually into me, but I was too stupid to realize. Who told me that, and actually advised me to hook up with her was my friend (the ex) hahahahha. So I made sure everything was ok between us with this girl situation and I went to a party with her two days later. We made out furiously!!! ahahahhahaha

So we started dating for the whole month. I go back to college. Visit her two weekends. She seems distant. We kinda cool off and we don't see eachother for a couple of months. Fast forward to the end of the year: new years eve. We hook up again, and we start going out for a week. 

It's now mid january 2013, she seems distant again. I (now completely confused and pissed) ask her wtf is going on. She says she's not sure if she likes me. She didn't feel any chemistry yet. So I say "ok I get it" and start getting distant.

At first I started avoiding her personally, but not too much. Then I started avoiding talking to her on facebook and text. I started feeling like shit while all that was happening: I liked her but she didn't like me back. So I planned having "a talk" with her about this and explaining that I had to cut communications until the feelings I had for her would die out. Then carnival came (3 days/1week of party/sex/crazyness;think mardi gras on steroids) and it was the perfect closure for this: lots of making out with random women, possibly sex. It worked. I was almost cured!

At that time, I wasn't talking to her at all, and actually avoiding social media altogether. She then sends me a message saying "you won't talk to me anymore?". I think "let's just answer questions and see where this goes. Give the bare minimum". We chit chat and that's it. Some two days later she asks me when I'm coming back and what time. I answer. She says she wants to "give me a present ". I think "wtf??? Whatever". Remember I'm commited to cut all ties with her for a while.

Back to my hometown, after carnival, we meet in my house. We sit by the pool and she unveils the "present". It's a bunch of chocolate chip cookies with band names written on them with white chocolate. (some of them include Type O, Tool, Iron Maiden, Slayer, MESHUGGAH, etc.) So I think "yay cookies, wtf is she crazy or something? Super friendzone x9000!!!". She asks me when I'm leaving back to Rio, and I say "February 25th. I'm kinda tired of here. There's nothing to do as all my friends are studying, working or with girlfriends (reads: unavailable for guyfriends) and that there is nothing here holding me from going back later than that.

At this point she looks at me and says: "well, this is the reason why I'm actually here. You see, when I was away at the carnival I had all those pretty men around me avaliable, but all I could think about was you. I now realize I like you. You are the man I most connected to in my life. Blablabla love talk. I understand if you don't want to be with me, I messed up."








Well, this is a mess guys. 



Remember: I was going to basically tell her to fuck off for a while in a couple of days. And now this? Shit. 


What could I do? I still liked her. 


We are now together finally (I think). I still need to figure out what kind if relationship we will have, but damn I'm happy. And the only thing I had to do was to not give a shit about her. Would you look at that... 

TL;DR: If the girl you like (and it's worth to care for) is playing games/having identity crisis and you don't know what to do: loose interest. If she really likes you, she'll miss you and will come running right back. If not she'll jump on the next male avaliable. But be sure you guys are going for the next step or she's just using you for attention and nothing else.

Thoughts?


----------



## MFB

Sounds legit/like a case of "grass is always greener..." 

She liked you because you liked her and clicked, then when you were together the chase was over and then it was like "maybe I'm better off without?" but in reality it just takes a test (ie: Carnival) to really show them that they were wrong and in this case she owned up to seeing she was 'wrong.'


----------



## Konfyouzd

MFB said:


> Sounds legit/like a case of "grass is always greener..."
> 
> She liked you because you liked her and clicked, then when you were together the chase was over and then it was like "maybe I'm better off without?" but in reality it just takes a test (ie: Carnival) to really show them that they were wrong and in this case she owned up to seeing she was 'wrong.'




Sounds like a lot of women in certain age ranges... They just like the attention they get during the chase... Maturity... Gotta pass some of that out...


----------



## Ibanezsam4

well, im single now. this is honestly the first time i have not had a messy breakup, so im not screwed up emotionally right now... she had been unhappy for a while but was hoping we would get better, but in the last couple of months we both were unsatisfied... which is a pity because we were quite good together.... kinda bummed. but at the same time im kinda excited that dont have to deal with her bitch-of-a-mother and generally fucked up extended family... idk, they were worth it for her i guess


----------



## Asrial

I just want to bring a success story, as I'm on cloud nine right now.

It started with a Devin Townsend concert.
My usual concert-going friends were kind of busy for that date, so I had some trouble figuring out how I could go to the concert. Jokingly, I asked if an old friend of mine wanted to tag along, and I kind of expected a no, since she's small and probably doesn't listen to metal... "Sure". That caught me off guard. Now, it was one of the best fucking nights I've had in a real long time, clearly a highlight of 2012 for me, and while on the trip home by train, it kind of struck me how we've begun to talk more and more to eachother lately.

Slowly, during the rest of the year, the thought about her and me kept creeping up to me. Every time we met just felt better and better, while I spent more time thinking about her. At new years eve, we had seperate parties to go to, and about 15 mins past the bell, her, her twin sis and a friend of mine came by escort and got me back to their party. Everything went swimmingly (except for a fondue fork into my hand... That shit hurts. :squint), but at one point, her sister pulled me out by the side and bluntly asked if we had something going. I thought long and hard, while many have pointed out we should be a couple (to our mutual nuisance), I couldn't do anything but agree. I admitted, I was in love.

Time goes, I fetch her and get a talk with her, as we're preparing for this major trip to Prague. She'd also thought about us, but wanted to prioritize our friendship. So be it, we went to Prague, she partied hard while me and my friends had some trouble finding any good drinking places since everything was *crammed*. 3rd day, I had some depression, so we decided to have a slow day, she decided to tag along. We sit in the hotel room, watching a movie, and slowly magic happened.

We talked about it again, and whehey, I'm taken!
The story is longer than that, some more details, but that's pretty much all of it over all.

I am a happy man.


----------



## Kidneythief

So the girl I was seeing "unofficially" for the last couple of months has called me over today. Had some talking, and turns out, that she got together with her ex from 3 years ago. 

That's the story in a nutshell.
----
A little more background information is, that she will be finishing college this year May, and after that will return home to the other end of the country (about 500Km). And she does plan on going out to Japan and never return.

Pros: 
*I won't be dumped when she is moving back/flies off to Japan
*I'm free to look for someone, although I was allowed to do so anyway, but didn't want to because I was hoping to change her mind.

Cons:
*I have grown fond of her...very fond indeed, and now she is gone
*Got the "We can still hang out" BS
*I'm going to miss sex with her...a lot
*I feel like cheated

And I already felt this will happen the day she told me, that her ex got in contact with her again 

Now I'm going to lie down in a fetal position and shed some manly tears


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Kidneythief said:


> So the girl I was seeing "unofficially" for the last couple of months has called me over today. Had some talking, and turns out, that she got together with her ex from 3 years ago.
> 
> That's the story in a nutshell.
> ----
> A little more background information is, that she will be finishing college this year May, and after that will return home to the other end of the country (about 500Km). And she does plan on going out to Japan and never return.
> 
> Pros:
> *I won't be dumped when she is moving back/flies off to Japan
> *I'm free to look for someone, although I was allowed to do so anyway, but didn't want to because I was hoping to change her mind.
> 
> Cons:
> *I have grown fond of her...very fond indeed, and now she is gone
> *Got the "We can still hang out" BS
> *I'm going to miss sex with her...a lot
> *I feel like cheated
> 
> And I already felt this will happen the day she told me, that her ex got in contact with her again
> 
> Now I'm going to lie down in a fetal position and shed some manly tears



This will honestly change stuff I do in relationships My last two relationships ended cause the girl had feelings for a best friend (that was a guy.) But multiple people tell me "Your young (I'm only 18) don't get committed, just have fun."


----------



## texshred777

Dan_Vacant said:


> This will honestly change stuff I do in relationships My last two relationships ended cause the girl had feelings for a best friend (that was a guy.) But multiple people tell me "Your young (I'm only 18) don't get committed, just have fun."


 
Which is good advice.


----------



## Kidneythief

At age 18 don't worry about getting into a serious relationship. I mean if it comes around okay, sure take it. If not then..mehh

There will be plenty of time to "panic" later on


----------



## benduncan

ok, so the "so my girlfriend wants a break" inspired me to write in here.

*BACK STORY:*

im currently in DC. i found out that the ill be able to go to NYC before i leave(in a couple months). my ex gf is in nyc. we dated for a couple months a couple years ago, both of us were looking for a serious relationship that led to marriage.(thats how i felt at the time) she gave me the take a break excuse(after her mom talked to her, lol, shes a latina) and we broke up. a little later she moved to ny for a job. its been two years and shes dated one guy for a couple months. and i assume she gets asked out a lot, especially in nyc. we talk every now and then

*CURRENT SITUATION:*

so i used to be the lap dog kind of guy, not just with her but everyone. i let people walk all over me. and i always put her interests over mine, "i just want you to be happy" "ill wait for you" that kind of thing. im getting a lot better with that, as far as other people are concerned. i dont let people walk on me like before. but someone posted in the above mentioned thread "you need to be a man" "a woman wants a man" or something.

i sent her a message a while ago heres a copy and paste of them, with the reason for my being here removed:

hey, im going to be in maryland for 3 or 4 months. I'm-------.
you want to meet up? im not sure how stict they are, going to be as far as how for i can travel away but its just a thought

it looks like i was drunk, lol. she knows i dont drink though

after a day or so and she had read it and gave no response i got nervous and sent this:

im going to be farther away from NY than i thought nvm

no reply, i would assume she doesnt want anything to do with me. but she didnt reply to my message asking how she was after the hurricane, she has "liked" a couple of my posts. so she might have been just busy. or was worried that i was expecting to stay with her? i dont know

*PROBLEM:*

im going to NYC regardless of whats going with her. but my problem is, do i tell her? if so how? this could be my only chance to see her for a long time. id like to see if there is anything there, and get some closure. im much more self aware now than i was before. so i dont want to go, and then have her be like "wth?! why didnt you tell me?!" and loose my chance to see her.

*DISCLAIMER:
*
I know this sounds insane since we only dated for a little bit, but i havent been obsessing over her for two years, just the last couple of weeks, lol. i also dont think shes the only one for me or anything, i just want to see if anything is there, if not, move on. because we are (at least i am) completely different people now

i hope someones bored enough to read all of this


----------



## texshred777

benduncan said:


> ok, so the "so my girlfriend wants a break" inspired me to write in here.
> 
> *BACK STORY:*
> 
> im currently in DC. i found out that the ill be able to go to NYC before i leave(in a couple months). my ex gf is in nyc. we dated for a couple months a couple years ago, both of us were looking for a serious relationship that led to marriage.(thats how i felt at the time) she gave me the take a break excuse(after her mom talked to her, lol, shes a latina) and we broke up. a little later she moved to ny for a job. its been two years and shes dated one guy for a couple months. and i assume she gets asked out a lot, especially in nyc. we talk every now and then
> 
> *CURRENT SITUATION:*
> 
> so i used to be the lap dog kind of guy, not just with her but everyone. i let people walk all over me. and i always put her interests over mine, "i just want you to be happy" "ill wait for you" that kind of thing. im getting a lot better with that, as far as other people are concerned. i dont let people walk on me like before. but someone posted in the above mentioned thread "you need to be a man" "a woman wants a man" or something.
> 
> i sent her a message a while ago heres a copy and paste of them, with the reason for my being here removed:
> 
> hey, im going to be in maryland for 3 or 4 months. I'm-------.
> you want to meet up? im not sure how stict they are, going to be as far as how for i can travel away but its just a thought
> 
> it looks like i was drunk, lol. she knows i dont drink though
> 
> after a day or so and she had read it and gave no response i got nervous and sent this:
> 
> im going to be farther away from NY than i thought nvm
> 
> no reply, i would assume she doesnt want anything to do with me. but she didnt reply to my message asking how she was after the hurricane, she has "liked" a couple of my posts. so she might have been just busy. or was worried that i was expecting to stay with her? i dont know
> 
> *PROBLEM:*
> 
> im going to NYC regardless of whats going with her. but my problem is, do i tell her? if so how? this could be my only chance to see her for a long time. id like to see if there is anything there, and get some closure. im much more self aware now than i was before. so i dont want to go, and then have her be like "wth?! why didnt you tell me?!" and loose my chance to see her.
> 
> *DISCLAIMER:*
> 
> I know this sounds insane since we only dated for a little bit, but i havent been obsessing over her for two years, just the last couple of weeks, lol. i also dont think shes the only one for me or anything, i just want to see if anything is there, if not, move on. because we are (at least i am) completely different people now
> 
> i hope someones bored enough to read all of this


 
TL;DR

Helicopter.

Seriously, just tell her and get it out there. You'll know, and can move on whichever the case may be.

Edit:after reading more carefully.
I'd just move on, bro. It was a couple months, a couple years ago. Were she interested she would put more effort into communication than a FB like. If it'll make you feel better, you can tell her-but after you've already texted her a few times and no response I'd assume it's not exactly a priority to spend time with you. Not a good sign to me.


----------



## piggins411

If it were me, I probably wouldn't tell her. Just go to NYC and have a good time


----------



## flint757

I don't see how it can hurt to pursue it. Worst case scenario is she shoots you down which is the same as doing nothing. 

[EDIT]

As long as he stays grounded in the situation that is.


----------



## McKay

All you need to know about sex and everything related to it is that people decide if they're attracted to someone in a few seconds. You'll usually have a gut feeling about what their take on you is if you spend any kind of time around them. If you act on something you percieve being there, do it in the right situation. Just fucking kiss them or something. Flirt with them. Shit, learn how to flirt. If you 'talk' to them about your 'feelings' then your words can trigger all kinds of reactions depending on what you say. It can make you look like a pussy for a start, but also one wrong wording and you can screw yourself over. It's always going to be a gamble, so make the odds better by excising potential pitfalls. If someone fancies you, they aren't going to complain if you start flirting with them, try to hold their hand or whatever. Simple.

Act, don't talk.


----------



## benduncan

thank for the replies

i sort of see it as a whatever happens happens, i will be ok either way. i just dont know how to tell her. because i panicked and prematurely said i wouldnt be going. which was stupid, of course. im looking for the MANLY way. well, the most manly that the situation allows, lol


----------



## benduncan

McKay said:


> All you need to know about sex and everything related to it is that people decide if they're attracted to someone in a few seconds and you'll usually have a gut feeling about what their take on you is if you spend any kind of time around them. If you act on something you percieve being there, do it in the right situation. Just fucking kiss them or something. Flirt with them. Shit, learn how to flirt. If you 'talk' to them about you 'feelings' then your words can trigger all kinds of reactions depending on what you say. It can make you look like a pussy for a start, but also one wrong wording and you can screw yourself over. It's always going to be a gamble, so make the odds better by excising potential pitfalls. If someone fancies you, they aren't going to complain if you start flirting with them, try to hold their hand or whatever. Simple.
> 
> Act, don't talk.



now that advice i like


----------



## Idontpersonally

hmmm yea thread definitely tldr is it anything goes?. Glad I read the first page at least cause I was gunna start one on metal broads. Found one, never had one, 10 yrs Older. I've had older but not older and metal. I already feel like im comparing skills with her ex's..

Anyway and pros and cons or experiences? She likes all kinds of music but i met her at a metal show. She's like a metal hippie and i didn't know they still made those...

wants me to go to some hippie festival and im kind of hippie but not that hippie and i dont like group dating type event shit like that... im really cheap too...

I can deal with kids..anyone dealing with a metal laaaydee with kids before you met her? ffvvck i hate growing up sometimes.


----------



## Idontpersonally

oh yea anyone dated/ing a bi polar or borderline?


----------



## texshred777

Mckay-
Not flaming you, but I disagree. Unless I misunderstood you.

How does one flirt without speaking? Please don't tell me you're recommending some of that PUA "escalation" rubbish. I'm not saying it's unacceptable to physically touch someone as a means of flirting, but I think that requires a level of social awareness to do properly. 

How does one word screw you over? Unless you're just spouting off some vulgar shit at them I don't see this. I think how you say something has more of an effect than the exact words you use. Why is talking about the weather an acceptable way to make contact? Does anyone really give a shit about the weather? No, it's a low key, no pressure way to tell someone you want to talk to them. 

I see what you're saying, but I think that learning to communicate not only makes others perceive you as socially dominant/confident(which most women love), but it's healthy to be able to communicate with people. Particularly if you want a long term relationship. 

Look, if someone can successfully just kiss a girl as their means of flirting, they likely don't need advice on dating and flirting from a message board. That kind of cheek is great, but not something most guys can just pull.

Just my opinion, but I recommend acting by learning to speak to people-particularly women.


----------



## flint757

Just kissing someone is too much like a romance movie (not reality) and likely to end in harassment charges and/or a slap across the face.


----------



## texshred777

flint757 said:


> Just kissing someone is too much like a romance movie (not reality) and likely to end in harassment charges and/or a slap across the face.


 
OR, like I said it's one cheeky bastard who has a LOT of charisma.


----------



## benduncan

Idontpersonally said:


> oh yea anyone dated/ing a bi polar or borderline?



i have before. not very fun


----------



## Idontpersonally

benduncan said:


> i have before. not very fun



Oh i remember checking out ur sc. Whoever your singin' about sounds like the one i meant in alot of ways. Was this the bp one? They make for great music that's about it. How do you get them to move on? I only like half of her and i had a friend that dated one and said they dont get better from it.


----------



## flint757

If she is medicated her problems shouldn't be that severe. I find that everyone I know personally who is bipolar inevitably have problems because they quit their med's constantly and then end up falling on either side of the spectrum doing something incredibly stupid. On medication, behaviorally, they were fine. They seemed to quit periodically because the med's made them feel weird and slightly ill or something to that effect.


----------



## Idontpersonally

flint757 said:


> If she is medicated her problems shouldn't be that severe. I find that everyone I know personally who is bipolar inevitably have problems because they quit their med's constantly and then end up falling on either side of the spectrum doing something incredibly stupid. On medication, behaviorally, they were fine. They seemed to quit periodically because the med's made them feel weird and slightly ill or something to that effect.



I dont think she is on meds or would take them. Im not sure if my friends gf was on them or not either but i know she destroyed his apartment and had no recollection of it. Relationship/personal life wise i think the behavior is really needy so Idk how big a factor meds would be here because from what ive read their business social lives are usually fine and they can function well at work etc. but the personal relationships are like a rollercoaster... thats all its been but when i reject her is when she has all these episodes.


----------



## McKay

texshred777 said:


> Mckay-
> Not flaming you, but I disagree. Unless I misunderstood you.
> 
> How does one flirt without speaking? Please don't tell me you're recommending some of that PUA "escalation" rubbish. I'm not saying it's unacceptable to physically touch someone as a means of flirting, but I think that requires a level of social awareness to do properly.
> 
> How does one word screw you over? Unless you're just spouting off some vulgar shit at them I don't see this. I think how you say something has more of an effect than the exact words you use. Why is talking about the weather an acceptable way to make contact? Does anyone really give a shit about the weather? No, it's a low key, no pressure way to tell someone you want to talk to them.
> 
> I see what you're saying, but I think that learning to communicate not only makes others perceive you as socially dominant/confident(which most women love), but it's healthy to be able to communicate with people. Particularly if you want a long term relationship.
> 
> Look, if someone can successfully just kiss a girl as their means of flirting, they likely don't need advice on dating and flirting from a message board. That kind of cheek is great, but not something most guys can just pull.
> 
> Just my opinion, but I recommend acting by learning to speak to people-particularly women.



Well duh, you're not just going to kiss someone out of the blue, you have to have a reason to think they'd reciprocate and know them beforehand (unless you're into clubs but I'm not). I'ts just my experience that talking to girls is the worst way to get them to find you sexually attractive. They either do or they don't, you're not going to turn anyone around with words. If they do already find you attractive, spilling your heart is possibly going to turn them off you.



> Why is talking about the weather an acceptable way to make contact? Does anyone really give a shit about the weather? No, it's a low key, no pressure way to tell someone you want to talk to them.



 Good luck getting anywhere by talking about the weather. Look, I don't buy into the whole PUA thing, I just see common mistakes people make which keep getting them burned. FWIW I've been in a relationship for two years and communicate well. Maintaining a relationship takes a wholly different attitude to obtaining one.


----------



## benduncan

Idontpersonally said:


> Oh i remember checking out ur sc. Whoever your singin' about sounds like the one i meant in alot of ways. Was this the bp one? They make for great music that's about it. How do you get them to move on? I only like half of her and i had a friend that dated one and said they dont get better from it.



thanks for listening, hah. yes. sorry, i wouldnt know how to help _them _to move on. 

and its true about about meds but also true about the cycle, lol. while off them she would have the "its not me its the world" type of mentality. she wouldnt get REALLY nasty with me, but her parents. YOW! or anyone that defied her. then of course there is the mood swings


----------



## texshred777

McKay said:


> Well duh, you're not just going to kiss someone out of the blue, you have to have a reason to think they'd reciprocate and know them beforehand (unless you're into clubs but I'm not). I'ts just my experience that talking to girls is the worst way to get them to find you sexually attractive. They either do or they don't, you're not going to turn anyone around with words. If they do already find you attractive, spilling your heart is possibly going to turn them off you.
> 
> 
> 
> Good luck getting anywhere by talking about the weather. Look, I don't buy into the whole PUA thing, I just see common mistakes people make which keep getting them burned. FWIW I've been in a relationship for two years and communicate well. Maintaining a relationship takes a wholly different attitude to obtaining one.


 
I don't believe in luck. Talking about the weather is just an ice breaker. Or, there's my favorite pickup line, "hello". Or if you want to get really fancy, "Hello/Hi/Hey, I'm Chris". It's simply a way to say hi, I want to talk to you. They either reciprocate or they don't, as you say. 

It's apparent you've run into situations where someone liked you until you opened your mouth. OR, you thought they did because you misinterperetted. That's rough. That's exactly why knowing how to talk to women is a good idea. Spilling your heart out to a stranger is a perfect example. It comes across as needy and desperate. It's something that someone who knew how to talk to women would not do.


----------



## benduncan

my favorite pickup line:

"does this rag smell like chloroform?"



*stolen from jimmy carr*


----------



## McKay

texshred777 said:


> I don't believe in luck. Talking about the weather is just an ice breaker. Or, there's my favorite pickup line, "hello". Or if you want to get really fancy, "Hello/Hi/Hey, I'm Chris". It's simply a way to say hi, I want to talk to you. They either reciprocate or they don't, as you say.





I'm talking about people you already know, in a date or similar context, not someone you've literally just met. You think I'm seriously suggesting that instead of saying hi to someone that you should just start getting physical? I know I didn't spell it out but come on. This thread is full of people worrying about what to say etc, worrying about 'does she like me' or 'should I call her'. My point is that things will more often than not fall into place if you actually go and do something with them.

TL;DR - people overthink sex



> It's apparent you've run into situations where someone liked you until you opened your mouth. OR, you thought they did because you misinterperetted. That's rough. That's exactly why knowing how to talk to women is a good idea. Spilling your heart out to a stranger is a perfect example. It comes across as needy and desperate. It's something that someone who knew how to talk to women would not do.


----------



## texshred777

Fair enough. I did actually think that's what you were implying-I've heard more ridiculous advice than that before. In that case yes, I absolutely agree with you that people overcomplicate sex. The context is the contention. In a date context yeah, there's either a natural chemistry or their isn't.

Honestly I've heard more complaints from friends and men in general that they're not getting dates in the first place. Usually because they are too afraid and feel awkward asking to begin with. That's why I suggest simply being comfortable talking to people. They get all hung up on rejection.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Is there a weed thread here? too lazy to look...


----------



## UnderTheSign

texshred777 said:


> How does one flirt without speaking? Please don't tell me you're recommending some of that PUA "escalation" rubbish. I'm not saying it's unacceptable to physically touch someone as a means of flirting, but I think that requires a level of social awareness to do properly.


Eye contact my man. Eye contact.



Idontpersonally said:


> Is there a weed thread here? too lazy to look...


I believe discussing drugs is prohibited on the forum. Also, kind of funny you're too lazy, stoner stereotypes huh...


----------



## muffinbutton

Idontpersonally said:


> Is there a weed thread here? too lazy to look...


Let me google that for you


----------



## Idontpersonally

Thanks muff


UnderTheSign said:


> I believe discussing drugs is prohibited on the forum. Also, kind of funny you're too lazy, stoner stereotypes huh...



Didn't know it was a drug.. 

argh .ss...I thought we could share everything...


----------



## muffinbutton

Idontpersonally said:


> Thanks muff
> 
> 
> Didn't know it was a drug..
> 
> argh .ss...I thought we could share everything...



I've been in the chat a few times and they started discussing weed. Try there if you must.


----------



## Brill

Idontpersonally said:


> oh yea anyone dated/ing a bi polar or borderline?


 
I dated a girl with schizophrania. she believed she was a cat person from another planet with 7 people living iinside her head.


----------



## Idontpersonally

muffinbutton said:


> I've been in the chat a few times and they started discussing weed. Try there if you must.



Na i just meant like pics and articles


----------



## tacotiklah

Loxodrome said:


> I dated a girl with schizophrania. she believed she was a cat person from another planet with 7 people living iinside her head.



So sex with her was like sex with 7 people at once? Score!


----------



## JosephAOI

I've been talking to this really cute asian girl who's into the exact same kind of music and shares almost every interest with me. Basically my idea of a perfect girl.

Also, that sexy chick I posted way back when should be coming down to visit sometime ;D

Things are going pretty good for now


----------



## Curt

I am just kind of at a stand-still atm...

Just went through a break-up about a week ago, and realized... It has been so long since I have actually put myself out there. My last relationship kind of threw itself at me... I don't even know where to start anymore. But the thing is, I want the affection, and all the other typical relationship aspects. However, I am puzzled by the fact that of every person I interact with regularly, I don't find any emotional or physical attraction to any of them. To mention the way my last 3 relationships ended, I will have a hard time trusting anyone that I do find myself drawn to... I'm so fucking lost.  

Do any of you have advice? I mean, I am still young(21)... But this shit is getting to affecting my self-esteem.


----------



## Idontpersonally

i dont even think about making any kinds of emotional investments until first feelings are mutual then i wait even longer after that. I make people earn that kind of thing. In the beginning and in the meantime everything is strictly mechanical. I dont need to go from one relationship to the next and i enjoy my own space.. but everyone's different. Im not the type to need much affection so cant help you with that but i didnt really understand the question or how this is affecting your self esteem...


----------



## Curt

more simply put: been cheated on 3 times in a row over a few years. bringing up trust issues, and making me feel as if I am the object ruining my relationships, somehow. thus, it has impacted how I feel about myself on multiple levels.

just really throwing it out there as a "Is it me? or do I need to grow a pair and put myself back out there?" type of post.

Sorry for the confusion with the wording in the previous post... Was a bit groggy whilst typing it out.


----------



## facepalm66

I've been friends with this one chick for around 4 years I think.
She's living abroad at the moment, but we chat quite often, plus I've used to live near her for half a year, and she oftenly visits her home, which would be Lithuania, where I live too.
I can easily say that she's one of my best friends, and same goes for her about me, since I know almost every good and bad she encounters, I slept at her apartment countless times, and we hung up probably as much.

Long story short, few things she mentioned several times, including:
1) You should show me more attention
2)Please organise my B-day for me
3)I think you look sexy enough
4)* asking me for advice in many things * 
5) when I'll come back, will you have time for me?
And so on.

Is there something I don't see?


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^just give her the mushroom tip man. If what you say is a norm, and not some love blinders you've put on yourself, sounds like she's interested. But dont go all mushy on her before you see her again, if she likes that you're a little distant, give her some attention then go distant again. It's like a kitten with string, they love that the little peice of string is hard to get, but they lose interest when you throw them the whole damn ball of yarn. Keep doing what you're doing, maybe throw in some light sexualization to see how she takes it, and you'll be (as the hodge twins say) baaaalls deep soon enough.


----------



## benduncan

Curt said:


> more simply put: been cheated on 3 times in a row over a few years. bringing up trust issues, and making me feel as if I am the object ruining my relationships, somehow. thus, it has impacted how I feel about myself on multiple levels.
> 
> just really throwing it out there as a "Is it me? or do I need to grow a pair and put myself back out there?" type of post.
> 
> Sorry for the confusion with the wording in the previous post... Was a bit groggy whilst typing it out.



indirectly yes, it could be you. it could be that you fall for the wrong girls. i have recently been wondering if its possible for me to have that "best friend" feeling with a girl that doesnt have some type of mental illness, lol.


----------



## Scattered Messiah

Idontpersonally said:


> oh yea anyone dated/ing a bi polar or borderline?



Yeah - did, a borderliner.
Had it's ups and downs, but really made me who I am today.

the whole thing...
Really depends on the relationship the person has to the mental illness (starting with the relization it's a disease, does she/he often use the illness as excuse, what are the symptoms, etc).
Sometimes you just need to be a little more flexible with your empathy (e.g. sense the warnings and prepare a tactic...), sometimes you really have to play kindergarden nanny, blabla.
Just try to actively "learn" the person, I guess, and most important: decide on boarders that you'll never cross and she is never allowed to cross ... 

I broke up, when I got the feeling (after 3 years), that she started playing to many games with me (read - started loosing respect and value). Strangely enough, we are really good friends now.

In my case it was a really intense relationship, in every way possible.
I had great sex, a great "philosophical and mental" relationship, learned a lot (about me, about ways to manipulate people ... ), a lot of funny/abstruse situations and a good deal of pretty serious ones. If you really (and I mean really!!) like her, then give it a try.
but be aware of the things this might cost you...


----------



## benduncan

Scattered Messiah said:


> Yeah - did, a borderliner.
> Had it's ups and downs, but really made me who I am today.
> 
> the whole thing...
> Really depends on the relationship the person has to the mental illness (starting with the relization it's a disease, does she/he often use the illness as excuse, what are the symptoms, etc).
> Sometimes you just need to be a little more flexible with your empathy (e.g. sense the warnings and prepare a tactic...), sometimes you really have to play kindergarden nanny, blabla.
> Just try to actively "learn" the person, I guess, and most important: decide on boarders that you'll never cross and she is never allowed to cross ...
> 
> I broke up, when I got the feeling (after 3 years), that she started playing to many games with me (read - started loosing respect and value). Strangely enough, we are really good friends now.
> 
> In my case it was a really intense relationship, in every way possible.
> I had great sex, a great "philosophical and mental" relationship, learned a lot (about me, about ways to manipulate people ... ), a lot of funny/abstruse situations and a good deal of pretty serious ones. If you really (and I mean really!!) like her, then give it a try.
> but be aware of the things this might cost you...


----------



## Idontpersonally

benduncan said:


> i have recently been wondering if its possible for me to have that "best friend" feeling with a girl that doesnt have some type of mental illness, lol.



i know exactly what you mean. It's like the only thing i attract. Weird thing though all the "normal" girls i cant talk to , they dont understand me, they're boring and think im a creep. I can talk to the crazy ones for hours.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Curt said:


> more simply put: been cheated on 3 times in a row over a few years. bringing up trust issues, and making me feel as if I am the object ruining my relationships, somehow. thus, it has impacted how I feel about myself on multiple levels.
> 
> just really throwing it out there as a "Is it me? or do I need to grow a pair and put myself back out there?" type of post.
> 
> Sorry for the confusion with the wording in the previous post... Was a bit groggy whilst typing it out.



Np but i think you answered your own question. Grow a pair. Women wont take the blame for anything. No matter what they will always make you feel like its your fault. Cheating/lying gfs= story of my life so It takes one hell of a girl to get me to commit to anything. Maybe try older women? i met one at the aal show who i got along great with and when i brought up relationship she said "EW!" So i knew i had a keeper... When girls start talking about feelings and emotions too soon i head for the hills. 
Keep it light and fun, expectations = disappointments. Best advice i ever got.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Scattered Messiah said:


> Yeah - did, a borderliner.
> Had it's ups and downs, but really made me who I am today.
> 
> the whole thing...
> Really depends on the relationship the person has to the mental illness (starting with the relization it's a disease, does she/he often use the illness as excuse, what are the symptoms, etc).
> Sometimes you just need to be a little more flexible with your empathy (e.g. sense the warnings and prepare a tactic...), sometimes you really have to play kindergarden nanny, blabla.
> Just try to actively "learn" the person, I guess, and most important: decide on boarders that you'll never cross and she is never allowed to cross ...
> 
> I broke up, when I got the feeling (after 3 years), that she started playing to many games with me (read - started loosing respect and value). Strangely enough, we are really good friends now.
> 
> In my case it was a really intense relationship, in every way possible.
> I had great sex, a great "philosophical and mental" relationship, learned a lot (about me, about ways to manipulate people ... ), a lot of funny/abstruse situations and a good deal of pretty serious ones. If you really (and I mean really!!) like her, then give it a try.
> but be aware of the things this might cost you...



Well Ive been with her for almost 3 years everything you said was spot on. So thats the thing, yes I learn about about myself even other women. It is one big roller coaster. A dating forum about it generally said there are no success stories. like you said i think we'd make good friends but when i reject her is when she acts out. I read they can function normally in society like socially and work etc but their personal lives are hell. It's like she takes everything out on me and there are no boundaries anymore. 

I didnt find out about the illness for like a year, but it seems like she got worse when i found out. She makes sure i cant figure her out and she plays a lot more roles than I do. I just try to be the regular bf. I've been wanting out for 3 yrs. Then i read somewhere that a 'real bf 'would help to make her feel better and wouldnt abandon bc even mental people desrve to be loved. but she doesnt want help and doesnt take meds and all she does is play games. She's younger than me and i dont even generally like women my age or younger for that reason, but shes got an attachment issue and i mean really flips out when i try to leave her..


----------



## Scattered Messiah

So, I figured out in the six years of knowing my borderline ex (the first 3 of those within a relationship, as I said), that the basic "trick" is, to really actively teach her to respect you.
Emotionally, borderliners are often like childs, they have problems with empathy, project a lot onto others, generally exxagerated emotional amplitudes, etc.
Meaning you need to be able to be, on an emotional level, parent and partner at the same time, and show that you are no toy.

She has to understand (rationally AND emotionally), that you have tolerance boarders, that there are consequences if she crosses those boarders (the consequences you decide upon), and that you are doing that not only because of her, but because of the value you hold for yourself - the trick is to manage to distinguish between games she plays for her "fun" or the generally destructive face of her illness (-> feel consequences where appropriate) and games she plays for autoagressive reasons (try to open her eyes to what she's doing).

So, it's just like a relationship with a normal woman, only on a higher difficulty level and with the added possibility of her being the "target" of her games 

about the roles: she needs to understand (again, emotionally and rationally), that your only real possibility to like her and to show her that you like her, occurs, when she is herself.
This means, that you really have to learn to differentiate between the "cute/sexy/Iwantyourattention-roles" and her real self, without the whole process impacting too much on the relationship itself. don't be afraid to say "no", or to confront her with what you think, or to simly evade an argument...

the most important thing however is, that she really understands that she is ill ... otherwise it's like don quichote and the windmills.



> Then i read somewhere that a 'real bf 'would help to make her feel better and wouldnt abandon bc even mental people desrve to be loved


A real friend, cares for personality - with or without relationship.
A "real boyfriend" only really cares about the sex -.-

So, if you want to do the best for both of you, accept when you can go no further, tell her so, and simply quit the relationship. It's a lot easyier to be there for her, when you have the possibility to say "no" and when she does not have the lever of sex and suchwise 

Edit:
believe me, after having such a relationship, most other women are like open books^^


----------



## TheMetallicAShreddeR

Stupid fucking Ex....Dragging me into fucking everything now all of my friends have turned on me because she's full of shit. but i still love her and to top everything off my band are on the verge of splitting!.


----------



## Idontpersonally

At Scattered

About the respect thing idk why but she basically feels like however she treats me is for my own good if that makes sense. Part of her mother role. I used to respect her opinions a lot until she would get so carried away that there started to be disrespect almost like an enemy role. Things she'd do/say that even enemies wouldnt. Then she'd go to damsel in distress, then love dovey gf, then mother, then monster again. She just changes all the time. Nothing i can do or say gets through to her. Its her way or the highway yet she wont leave. She cant agree to disagree.


Her real self is who i like yes, that was in the beginning and slowly but surely there were more and more layers, personalities, moods etc until the point where it was literally 50/50. She's right down the middle where i only like half of her self and im wondering if what i liked in the beginning even real? I was always willing to accept her as she was, flaws and all if she would only accept me but she's busy trying to change me in every way possible. If she would just stfu and relax i would probably eventually change anyway but now im almost to the point of feeling sorry for her and that makes me loose attraction for her.

Ive been evading arguments for most of the relationship. Literally she tried to convince me i had an anger problem until the point i actually got angry, we went back and forth i was calm the whole time until i finally got angry then she calms down and plays the lovey dovey gf role. So that was the last time i actually participated in an argument.
she knows she's ill but i think it's her normal.
So yea i have emotionally and mentally 'checked out' of the relationship a long time ago it's just hard to be her friend but i am trying to not end things on bad terms bc she can be nice when she wants too but i hear that's another quality of bp is the charm intelligence sweet etc. So thanks. and yea i feel like i can pretty much handle anything after this.


----------



## Scattered Messiah

I feel you, dude...

As I said, and you obviously observed: the only reason she can change skins like she feels suits her mood is, because you are too passive and not "dangerous" enough - these people (most of he time) have the intelligence to understand, when they can go rampage on themselves and their surroundings and when they should at least make a serious effort to control the chaos in themselves and on their emotional level. when there is no need to control the symptoms of their illness, most simply won't do so ...

then just do not force yourself to be her friend, as this will only nurse her patterns even more.

be frank, check out - shell surely tick out - (try to) explain to her that you do not want to vanish from her life. but also give the reaons why you are doing this [however try to find a diplomatic, constructive and still honest way of putting this, without negating the reasons].
She'll be mad at you at first and might start some shit ... but if you really are important to her, she'll recognize, that you were right with what you said and that she is going to lose you for real if she doesn't calm down.

at least that was in my case, and a friends case


----------



## Church2224

Shit, things have been...interesting lately. 

I was out with a few friends the other night, and I was drinking a little. I just did not care about a damn thing. I was sitting next to one of my friends who is, well, gorgeous. She just got out of this thing with one guy because she got the feeling he could cheat on her at some point, so she actually has a brain and dropped him. I was flirting with her a lot, putting my arm around her and saying random shit to her, making weird faces, ect. At one point we were talking about male strippers and I just walked up and sat in her lap. Later our friend just pushed all of us in our booth up against the wall our booth was attached to. I put my hand around her, just like "Oh my, we are getting close" kind of moment. I then sensed I was touching something. I looked down to see what I was touching, she said it was the guy next to her's shirt, then I realized I was touching her boob, and was like "Oh shit!" Then I thought, why did she not say anything about that and why did she lie? Also made her laugh when I attempted Gangnam Style, put my jacket around her when she was cold too.

She has been flirting with me a little more since then. I also missed school one day and when she saw me come on Facebook she said hey and wanted to make sure everything was alright and I was in good spirits. 

Well, tonight I saw her again and apologized for some of the physical and stupid stuff. She laughed and said, "Do not worry about it, in fact I like the stuff you did, you were fine." So tonight I tried some more things, I picked her up and took her to the dance floor, did poke some fun at her a little too. At one point I noticed she put her hand on my leg for a sec and then took it off, also she tried to put her hand on my back a couple of times too. Also when we first went there she was sitting in the back seat of my truck, but when we left she made a point that she wanted to ride shotgun...

So...what the fuck is going on here? I am thinking women really like it when you try to get more physical with them. 

Oh, she also thinks my guitar playing sounds good when I played some bluesy stuff on a strat tonight, sweet XD.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Church2224 said:


> Shit, things have been...interesting lately.
> 
> I was out with a few friends the other night, and I was drinking a little. I just did not care about a damn thing. I was sitting next to one of my friends who is, well, gorgeous. She just got out of this thing with one guy because she got the feeling he could cheat on her at some point, so she actually has a brain and dropped him. I was flirting with her a lot, putting my arm around her and saying random shit to her, making weird faces, ect. At one point we were talking about male strippers and I just walked up and sat in her lap. Later our friend just pushed all of us in our booth up against the wall our booth was attached to. I put my hand around her, just like "Oh my, we are getting close" kind of moment. I then sensed I was touching something. I looked down to see what I was touching, she said it was the guy next to her's shirt, then I realized I was touching her boob, and was like "Oh shit!" Then I thought, why did she not say anything about that and why did she lie? Also made her laugh when I attempted Gangnam Style, put my jacket around her when she was cold too.
> 
> She has been flirting with me a little more since then. I also missed school one day and when she saw me come on Facebook she said hey and wanted to make sure everything was alright and I was in good spirits.
> 
> Well, tonight I saw her again and apologized for some of the physical and stupid stuff. She laughed and said, "Do not worry about it, in fact I like the stuff you did, you were fine." So tonight I tried some more things, I picked her up and took her to the dance floor, did poke some fun at her a little too. At one point I noticed she put her hand on my leg for a sec and then took it off, also she tried to put her hand on my back a couple of times too. Also when we first went there she was sitting in the back seat of my truck, but when we left she made a point that she wanted to ride shotgun...
> 
> So...what the fuck is going on here? I am thinking women really like it when you try to get more physical with them.
> 
> Oh, she also thinks my guitar playing sounds good when I played some bluesy stuff on a strat tonight, sweet XD.




She want's the D plain and simple..

Keep going mate, she sounds keen beans..


----------



## Stealthdjentstic

Bro, fuck her first, ask her if shes down later!











Actually dont, that might be illegal.


----------



## tacotiklah

Church2224 said:


> Shit, things have been...interesting lately.
> 
> I was out with a few friends the other night, and I was drinking a little. I just did not care about a damn thing. I was sitting next to one of my friends who is, well, gorgeous. She just got out of this thing with one guy because she got the feeling he could cheat on her at some point, so she actually has a brain and dropped him. I was flirting with her a lot, putting my arm around her and saying random shit to her, making weird faces, ect. At one point we were talking about male strippers and I just walked up and sat in her lap. Later our friend just pushed all of us in our booth up against the wall our booth was attached to. I put my hand around her, just like "Oh my, we are getting close" kind of moment. I then sensed I was touching something. I looked down to see what I was touching, she said it was the guy next to her's shirt, then I realized I was touching her boob, and was like "Oh shit!" Then I thought, why did she not say anything about that and why did she lie? Also made her laugh when I attempted Gangnam Style, put my jacket around her when she was cold too.
> 
> She has been flirting with me a little more since then. I also missed school one day and when she saw me come on Facebook she said hey and wanted to make sure everything was alright and I was in good spirits.
> 
> Well, tonight I saw her again and apologized for some of the physical and stupid stuff. She laughed and said, "Do not worry about it, in fact I like the stuff you did, you were fine." So tonight I tried some more things, I picked her up and took her to the dance floor, did poke some fun at her a little too. At one point I noticed she put her hand on my leg for a sec and then took it off, also she tried to put her hand on my back a couple of times too. Also when we first went there she was sitting in the back seat of my truck, but when we left she made a point that she wanted to ride shotgun...
> 
> So...what the fuck is going on here? I am thinking women really like it when you try to get more physical with them.
> 
> Oh, she also thinks my guitar playing sounds good when I played some bluesy stuff on a strat tonight, sweet XD.



Not all women are fans of aggressive physical contact. Fortunately for you though, this girl sure sounds like it. If you were touching her boob and she said she enjoyed it, you're making excellent progress.


----------



## mcd

ghstofperdition said:


> Not all women are fans of aggressive physical contact. Fortunately for you though, this girl sure sounds like it. If you were touching her boob and she said she enjoyed it, you're making excellent progress.



Im pretty sure no one is a fan of aggressive physical contact. Then again Im old and out of touch.


----------



## Idontpersonally

mcd said:


> Im pretty sure no one is a fan of aggressive physical contact. Then again Im old and out of touch.



Oh they are out there. Theyre everywhere..


----------



## Idontpersonally

Stealthdjentstic said:


> Bro, fuck her first, ask her if shes down later!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Actually dont, that might be illegal.



Na it's not illegal if you force them to consent...


----------



## Idontpersonally

Scattered Messiah said:


> I feel you, dude...
> 
> As I said, and you obviously observed: the only reason she can change skins like she feels suits her mood is, because you are too passive and not "dangerous" enough - these people (most of he time) have the intelligence to understand, when they can go rampage on themselves and their surroundings and when they should at least make a serious effort to control the chaos in themselves and on their emotional level. when there is no need to control the symptoms of their illness, most simply won't do so ...
> 
> at least that was in my case, and a friends case



Right thats the thing, she's always been moody i think most women are like that. The arguments used to be intense in the beginning i would go a few rounds with her but i just got tired of it. She gets violent and she knows I wont hit her if that's what you mean by 'passive', but it's something she feeds off of and most young girls like drama/attention like that. If she legitimately wanted a relationship i think she would have made some effort a long time ago. I had a friend with a bp gf that said it's something they dont get better from. I didnt even think it was a real illness until i met her. He said his girl destroyed his apartment and had no recollection of who did it or what happen. I just laughed it off like it was nothing and said dude tell her to chill and leave her but fast forward a few years and im in something similar though she doesnt destroy my place or anything but she's definitely got multiple personalities going on and i think she's been like that for a while.




> She'll be mad at you at first and might start some shit ... but if you really are important to her, she'll recognize, that you were right with what you said and that she is going to lose you for real if she doesn't calm down


This^, every time. She goes on this whole jealousy thing. Did your ex's play that game @ all? try to 'break up' with you first? She just talks about other guys she finds attractive etc. Pretty much any way she can make me angry she will try it only, when im angry is she calm and happy and when im calm content she starts something. It's been like that for three years.

Reminds me of this, even though theyre actors i swear my girl is worse than this but this episode is like they took a script word for word right out of our relationship. The other ones are good too but this one is just like her. She talks about marraige, kids etc. dude she argues over custody of kids we dont even have...


----------



## Idontpersonally

Church2224 said:


> Shit, things have been...interesting lately.
> 
> 
> Well, tonight I saw her again and apologized for some of the physical and stupid stuff..
> So...what the fuck is going on here? I am thinking women really like it when you try to get more physical with them.
> .



Oh to answer your question as Ht's would say "keep her within striking distance".
Dont get friendzoned whatever you do.


----------



## Murmel

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck


----------



## Nag

Church, GO FOR IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

bitches be crazy, man, hahahaha. I see enough signs


----------



## tacotiklah

Idontpersonally said:


> Reminds me of this, even though theyre actors i swear my girl is worse than this but this episode is like they took a script word for word right out of our relationship. The other ones are good too but this one is just like her. She talks about marraige, kids etc. dude she argues over custody of kids we dont even have...





Interestingly enough, I totally got why she was pissed off at first, but then she made things absolutely ridiculous. Women like to talk about their day and they don't like half-assed listening. If you're sitting there reading and they wanna talk to you, don't be a selfish ass and ignore them. Listen. *spoiler alert* That's a major need of theirs and by you ignoring them, you're ignoring one of their basic needs. 

Now are there times where their need to talk about stuff is completely crazy and inappropriate? Oh absolutely. The last thing in the world I wanna do when I'm trying to get sleep because I gotta be up in a few hours for work/school/etc. is discuss "where our relationship might be heading". Send me a text, email, or wait until I get home and I'll happily talk about it.


----------



## Scattered Messiah

@ Church:
it's pretty easy. she's interested in you, but doesn't want to feel cheap [bcause she's just out of a relationship, blabla]. So you need to make the first move, if you want her.
If she'd been quit on, she could be searching for an ego boost, however as she quit she atm has the control, so I'd wager she just likes you and is interested ...



@Idontpersonally
by "passive" I mean not reacting to the argument. When she gets virolent you could simply walk away with the statement "I won't hit you, but I really do not care to be hit either" (normally no good option, but this is better than hitting back^^) or something similar - or just shove her out of your place, if she's at yours.

The "funny" (read as sad) thing about borderliners is, that they are so much in conflict with themselves that their changing personalities have to project this outside. So, they generally do not "really" know, what they want.

My ex "ragequit" me once, like after a year, but she learned pretty quickly that I do what I say I'll do and it never really happened again ... I think she was close a few times, but always got the turn.

@Vid: I laughed so hard ... I totally knew how this scene would develop xDD


----------



## UnderTheSign

Idontpersonally said:


> Oh to answer your question as Ht's would say "keep her within striking distance".
> Dont get friendzoned whatever you do.


Haha jeez, does all your knowledge on life come from the Hodge Twins or something?

Seeing the girl again this wednesday. Think this and the next time we meet will be crucial in determining wether we're going to end up actually dating.


----------



## Idontpersonally

UnderTheSign said:


> Haha jeez, does all your knowledge on life come from the Hodge Twins or something?
> 
> Seeing the girl again this wednesday. Think this and the next time we meet will be crucial in determining wether we're going to end up actually dating.



lol pretty much. Sex life and weight lifting anyway they changed my life. I used to take things way too serious too soon. . Ask me about anything else but relationships or lifting and you wont get a ht video. but when i first subbed i went through like 100 vids and it seems like everyone's probs here they made a vid about. I think a lot of people make their relationship problems out to be bigger than they are, thats when i post a ht, for the easy ones.
btw they were spot on 100% in the take a break thread you have to admit..... needless to say even though they know what they're talking about Im the only one who actually listens to them and a few guys in the lifting thread. *shrug*

I met a gal @ aal/mesh and got physical super fast, got her number etc and while waiting for text i thought i was friend zoned some how, then literally liek the next day or two ht came out with that vid. I was like holy shit i did all that! hahah.

So yea, i used to be really slow on that kind of stuff now i just got for it, you just have to read the girl but like louis ck said there are those types that will move your hands away but want you to keep going.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Scattered Messiah said:


> @Idontpersonally
> by "passive" I mean not reacting to the argument. When she gets virolent you could simply walk away with the statement "I won't hit you, but I really do not care to be hit either" (normally no good option, but this is better than hitting back^^) or something similar - or just shove her out of your place, if she's at yours.
> 
> The "funny" (read as sad) thing about borderliners is, that they are so much in conflict with themselves that their changing personalities have to project this outside. So, they generally do not "really" know, what they want.
> 
> My ex "ragequit" me once, like after a year, but she learned pretty quickly that I do what I say I'll do and it never really happened again ... I think she was close a few times, but always got the turn.
> 
> @Vid: I laughed so hard ... I totally knew how this scene would develop xDD



Dude you're desciribing her dead the hell on like you know her personally.. i dont even know what else to say lol thanks. The rest of that series is really good too its like a 5 part i believe a newone is coming out.. They[wrecklesstortuga] make a series called online gamer thats pretty good too.


----------



## Idontpersonally

ghstofperdition said:


> Interestingly enough, I totally got why she was pissed off at first, but then she made things absolutely ridiculous.



I understand what your saying, but true story i didnt understand really at first and i went through some yt comments and i shit you not most of the girls were pissed at the guy! lol i went back and forth with this girl sticking up for the guy bc i really didnt get what made her mad... Her response was kind of liek yours that its a womans need. My opinion and still is that guys generally do not like to talk. or we may sit on the issue and process it for a few days before we get to the issue. We process by being quiet and it seems liek were ignoring it but we may be equally as concerned. We just process in a different way. Women generally like to talk 'around' and issue for days before getting to the point, while men like to get to the point straight away. women can bring up issues within issues that confuse the shit out of us. we think the issue is solved but the woman isnt satisfied


----------



## Idontpersonally

Nagash said:


> Church, GO FOR IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
> 
> bitches be crazy, man, hahahaha. I see enough signs



your 666th post


----------



## BIG ND SWEATY

im not trying to be a dick here but you really dont have to reply to every post that pops up in here


----------



## Idontpersonally

BIG ND SWEATY said:


> im not trying to be a dick here but you really dont have to reply to every post that pops up in here



If someone replies to me i write them back bc i want to. Your not being a dick. if you look at the quote theres a legit conversation going on with 2-3 people.. 2 of those related to my op.... I could use @'s in one post, but i didnt.. it happens.


----------



## BIG ND SWEATY

i can see the conversations but you could include all the quotes in one post and reply to them.


----------



## Idontpersonally

BIG ND SWEATY said:


> i can see the conversations but you could include all the quotes in one post and reply to them.



Ha i know that's what i just said. Cant go back and edit though or i would. I know the avi's annoying


----------



## Church2224

Scattered Messiah said:


> @ Church:
> it's pretty easy. she's interested in you, but doesn't want to feel cheap [bcause she's just out of a relationship, blabla]. So you need to make the first move, if you want her.
> If she'd been quit on, she could be searching for an ego boost, however as she quit she atm has the control, so I'd wager she just likes you and is interested ...



So she basically is waiting for me to make the first move? And what do you mean by feeling cheap exactly, just curious. 

And yes, I do want her


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Church2224 said:


> So she basically is waiting for me to make the first move? And what do you mean by feeling cheap exactly, just curious.
> 
> And yes, I do want her



Don't go in all physical to start with, show you actaully care and arnt just looking for some slaps...

Unless you are just looking for some slaps


----------



## Church2224

Kiwimetal101 said:


> Don't go in all physical to start with, show you actaully care and arnt just looking for some slaps...
> 
> Unless you are just looking for some slaps



Right I see. I think my biggest issue is I do not know how to show that I actually do care, though, and I want to find a way to let her know.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Tell her you like her at some point, show up when you say you will, surprise her/, take time outa your day to help/do thing for her, don't push sex (Unless shes gagging for it) and if its right itll fall into place somehow..


----------



## Idontpersonally

Church2224 said:


> Right I see. I think my biggest issue is I do not know how to show that I actually do care, though, and I want to find a way to let her know.



Just read her. If you dont know what to do that's fine, dont over think it. Less is always more[ emotion/feeling wise] in the beginning ime anyway. 9/10 a girl wont flat out tell you they like you. They will hint a lot and guys just have to catch on and not be boring. Every girl is different.


----------



## Brill

Im getting terrible with people.. There ae 2 chick that i like, one of them has a boy friend and the other one i cant muster the courage to talk to.
I fucking hate my ability with women..

i'm also terrible at interpriting signs... I have no idea if any chick is into me..


----------



## JosephAOI

Loxodrome said:


> Im getting terrible with people.. There ae 2 chick that i like, one of them has a boy friend and the other one i cant muster the courage to talk to.
> I fucking hate my ability with women..
> 
> i'm also terrible at interpriting signs... I have no idea if any chick is into me..



Send them this: "Do you like anal?". Won't know until you try!


----------



## MFB

Fuck that Joe, anal is child's play.

Loxo, you REALLY wanna win them over? Get on one knee and tell them you'd drag your dick over a mile's worth of broken glass just to hear them fart through a walkie talkie and then they'll know you mean business.


----------



## Brill

Thanks for the help guys















...wait


----------



## Idontpersonally




----------



## leandroab

As of today, I have a girlfriend.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Loxodrome said:


> Im getting terrible with people.. There ae 2 chick that i like, one of them has a boy friend and the other one i cant muster the courage to talk to.
> I fucking hate my ability with women..
> 
> i'm also terrible at interpriting signs... I have no idea if any chick is into me..



Be your dicks wing man. Best advice i ever got and from the wing girls..
They may act goofy but they say some real shit, actually got a random girls number from playin one of their 'hookup games'. Turned out to be a hot puerto rican.
Sub dude!!! my booty rate has skyrocketed since i found them!




Anyone wants to hate on these girls here's a pre bc They're the truth and really help people.


----------



## piggins411

JosephAOI said:


> Send them this: "Do you like anal?". Won't know until you try!



Jokes about that story will NEVER get old. It's just too awesome/creepy


----------



## Church2224

Another quick question for you guys.

You ever feel like you only go after the girls you are REALLY attracted to? Like they are just gorgeous in your eyes. 

Just a curious question. I know I do it a lot and I do not plan on changing that. I mean, if they have the personality of a rock then I want nothing to do with them period, but there still needs to be that physical connection too, as well as the emotional.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Better yet, what about clones? Not so much personality the same but physically almost like twins. Anyone notice they date the same looking type of people?

For a while like 2 years or so in a row i keep running into the same looking girls and it freaked me out. I couldnt date a clone and i felt kind of bad that i couldnt date this girl, she was nice but looked exactly like my ex and im just weirded out by it.

I remember this girl saying she dated a clone and didnt even realize it till her friend told her how much he looked like her ex. She had moved to another state and met this guy, then when she noticed it she said they even moved and walked the same.. how weird... anyone else notice this?


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Church2224 said:


> Another quick question for you guys.
> 
> You ever feel like you only go after the girls you are REALLY attracted to? Like they are just gorgeous in your eyes.
> 
> Just a curious question. I know I do it a lot and I do not plan on changing that. I mean, if they have the personality of a rock then I want nothing to do with them period, but there still needs to be that physical connection too, as well as the emotional.


 
Nothing wrong with swinging for the fences. But I'll say this, and nobody here fucking judge me for saying it, but I found that when I completely quit porn and jacking it, I started thinking a lot more women out there were attractive after a few months. Seriously, I read a while back that porn rewires your brain to be aroused by multiple highly attractive women doing crazy shit in a short period of time, as a reward for you doing NOTHING, and I got to thinking I don't need that if I'm trying to score the real thing. Quit it cold turkey (SUUUUUCKED, backslid a few times too ) and after a few months I was so ready to breed I was noticing good lookin women everywhere. They're always around, it's just we're usually so worn out from churning baby batter that we dont notice enough. When you do though, they notice you noticing and are far easier to approach. After a while, I was so amped to score even my body language was attracting women. Pretty neat shit, if you can commit to it.

Point is, that little endorphine rush you get from seeing a pretty face is an indicator that your brain says you pipes are working right and you probably need to go balls deep. You can practice on the ones you don't get that feeling with, and you might even find a diamond in the rough


----------



## Ibanezsam4

glassmoon0fo said:


> Nothing wrong with swinging for the fences. But I'll say this, and nobody here fucking judge me for saying it, but I found that when I completely quit porn and jacking it, I started thinking a lot more women out there were attractive after a few months. Seriously, I read a while back that porn rewires your brain to be aroused by multiple highly attractive women doing crazy shit in a short period of time, as a reward for you doing NOTHING, and I got to thinking I don't need that if I'm trying to score the real thing. Quit it cold turkey (SUUUUUCKED, backslid a few times too ) and after a few months I was so ready to breed I was noticing good lookin women everywhere. They're always around, it's just we're usually so worn out from churning baby batter that we dont notice enough. When you do though, they notice you noticing and are far easier to approach. After a while, I was so amped to score even my body language was attracting women. Pretty neat shit, if you can commit to it.
> 
> Point is, that little endorphine rush you get from seeing a pretty face is an indicator that your brain says you pipes are working right and you probably need to go balls deep. You can practice on the ones you don't get that feeling with, and you might even find a diamond in the rough



its not just porn man.. actually thats the least harmful compared to advertising. 

Cameron Russell: Looks aren't everything. Believe me, I'm a model. | Video on TED.com 

totally agree with reevaluating what is truly beautiful tho


----------



## piggins411

Church2224 said:


> Another quick question for you guys.
> 
> You ever feel like you only go after the girls you are REALLY attracted to? Like they are just gorgeous in your eyes.
> 
> Just a curious question. I know I do it a lot and I do not plan on changing that. I mean, if they have the personality of a rock then I want nothing to do with them period, but there still needs to be that physical connection too, as well as the emotional.



I feel like I do this, assuming you meant attracted physically and mentally. I tend to be very selective of who I go after


----------



## Church2224

Ibanezsam4 said:


> its not just porn man.. actually thats the least harmful compared to advertising.
> 
> Cameron Russell: Looks aren't everything. Believe me, I'm a model. | Video on TED.com
> 
> totally agree with reevaluating what is truly beautiful tho



Yeah oddly enough I never find a lot of these run way, bikini or advertising models attractive at all. They always seem so fake to me. I like girls who look real, and have a sense of style and fashion to them, they care about how they look (as do I) not girls who look and dress like, well, sluts all the timIf this makes any sense. I know I can find faults with all of the girls I ever wanted to go after in terms of looks, but overall they are beautiful. I never want a perfect ten, hell I think I do not want perfection at all, but a 8 or 9 is perfect for me. Men are visual creatures after all, science has even proven that, I have not shame in admitting I am. 

That all being said looks are not the total pakage, but for me they are just on third of the pie. The other two thirds are personality and overall kindness. Some one who is very out going yet is genuinely nice to others. Some one who is also real, too, like she does not talk shit about people behind her back and then all of a sudden is nice to them in their faces. To me that is not right and I will just walk away from them. 

I have met girls who are attractive and nice, but are not out going and very bland to talk to, so I just move on, I have met girls who are very out going and fuckin hot, but are total bitches and treat others like shit, so I never want to see them again. I have met girls who are kind and very out going, but there is nothing physical there either. 

I also am not like a lot of people in that in terms of interests I could care less what they like, even in terms of politics and religion. I am probably the only die hard guitar player in my group of friends, and one of only two metal heads. Hell I am the only conservative and agnostic I know in my group of friends But the reason why we get along is because we are all good people who care about each other. Once you start looking at the heart of people, things start coming together.

For instance my friend I mentioned I was flirting with, is a combination of all of these things. She is gorgeous and has that sense of style, is very approachable, and at the same time nice to everyone she is around. Pretty much a perfect match right there. 

And there are PLENTY out there, you just need to go out and find them, brothers. 

Am I making sense or am I just a shallow idiot 

Also what Glassmoon says about porn is correct. Talk to a psychologist about it and what it can do to rewire your brain. I talked to mine and he said the same thing. I am quitting it cold turkey, have fell of the wagon a few times, but it did not take me long too go out there and noticed more women now. Go to a college campus and have a field day 

I also think that beauty is in fact in the eyes of the beholder. I have seen some guys with girls I would never find attractive, some girls my friends look at and I go "Meh" and some of my friends think girls I like are not that attractive. 

I also think that any man, with confidence and being the good person he is and living his life to the fullest, can get any women he wants. You just need to know what you like, know who you are, and go from there. Deep down, most women want a long term relationship and most of them DO want that good guy! You just got to be more confident in yourself and less desperate. Get some confidence in your guitar playing, work out (not just for looks but it releases tons of stress and is good for you) hang out with your friends more, develop a sense of humor, go out and explore your interests. I decided to take two lessons a week and practice at least two hours a day and now I feel great. I am also taking up Judo, vocal lessons, and trying a few other things, and I have been going to the shooting range more, and I feel DAMN good. 

Soon enough you will have women any which way wanting to be part of your life


----------



## Church2224

piggins411 said:


> I feel like I do this, assuming you meant attracted physically and mentally. I tend to be very selective of who I go after



Exactly.To me it is a matter of both the physical and mental/ emotional aspects.


----------



## Metal_Webb

glassmoon0fo said:


> Nothing wrong with swinging for the fences. But I'll say this, and nobody here fucking judge me for saying it, but I found that when I completely quit porn and jacking it, I started thinking a lot more women out there were attractive after a few months. Seriously, I read a while back that porn rewires your brain to be aroused by multiple highly attractive women doing crazy shit in a short period of time, as a reward for you doing NOTHING, and I got to thinking I don't need that if I'm trying to score the real thing. Quit it cold turkey (SUUUUUCKED, backslid a few times too ) and after a few months I was so ready to breed I was noticing good lookin women everywhere. They're always around, it's just we're usually so worn out from churning baby batter that we dont notice enough. When you do though, they notice you noticing and are far easier to approach. After a while, I was so amped to score even my body language was attracting women. Pretty neat shit, if you can commit to it.
> 
> Point is, that little endorphine rush you get from seeing a pretty face is an indicator that your brain says you pipes are working right and you probably need to go balls deep. You can practice on the ones you don't get that feeling with, and you might even find a diamond in the rough



QFT

Quitting regular useage of porn is a good thing. I did it a while back and, rough as it was to start, it's well worth it in the long run.

Edit: Found the video that kinda gave the impetus to stop, well worth a watch fellas.
The Great Porn Experiment: Gary Wilson at TEDxGlasgow


----------



## tm20

Loxodrome said:


> I fucking hate my ability with women..
> 
> i'm also terrible at interpriting signs... I have no idea if any chick is into me..








same situation as you, met a nice girl few weeks ago and can't tell if she is interested or just a nice, open person in general. i also want to know, has anyone's music preference made a girl/guy they are interested in go from  to .


----------



## tacotiklah

Many, many, many times. People can't understand my love for death metal. It always seems to boil down to the fact that they hate that vocal style.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Yea ive noticed a few times chicks changing the way they act around me just from finding out I listen to metal


----------



## Murmel

If someone starts thinking you're a creep/loser/insert random derogatory term here because of your music preferences, then they're not worth your time.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Murmel said:


> If someone starts thinking you're a creep/loser/insert random derogatory term here because of your music preferences, then they're not worth your time.



Not that far, but you notice little things changing


----------



## Murmel

Hopefully those things won't matter if you continue to get to know this person.
I mean, I'm a fucking weird dude, not in the awkward-don't-know-how-to-talk-to-people-way, I'm just weird. So I guess that might be why I don't really notice a difference when talking about my passion for J-rock with new people 

My point is, in the end, none of those things even matter. Now they all just think it's either cool that I stand up for it, or funny and we laugh about it.


----------



## JosephAOI

I think the best piece of woman advice I've ever gotten is this: never ever EVER go after one single woman. Don't just look around for one girl and try to get her. Talk to lots of women. All the time. Be constantly in every girl's loop and talk to them. Make sure they all know that you are someone they can talk to as well.

The reasoning behind this is quite obvious when you think about it: When you're chasing a single woman, you can get annoying and clingy in a way, which will mess up your chances with her. Also, this keeps your options very open. You don't go and search for another woman to chase if you get turned down, you just continue talking to more women and open up more opportunities.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

^this. i try to talk to as many women as i can and hang out with alot of different women. keeps options open, and makes it easier to meet more women


----------



## Murmel

So I'm graduating from high school this summer, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. Having to part from having friends around 5 days a week with no exceptions, having to part from a regular schedule etc. Doesn't feel very tempting.

My 2 options are as of now; Try finding a job after school. Or apply to a music community college. I'm going to apply, but if I get accepted I'm not sure I'm gonna take the opportunity, depends on how much money I have after summer.
The getting a job option is definitely the least attractive, but probably the best one in the long run. I would work for a year then go to school next year.

I'm mostly anxious about all my friends leaving to go to different schools, leaving me alone here. I fucking hate being alone 
Fuck life moving along, fuck growing up.


----------



## JosephAOI

Thrashmanzac said:


> ^this. i try to talk to as many women as i can and hang out with alot of different women. keeps options open, and makes it easier to meet more women



Since I've started doing it, I've gotten a lot better with women. Right now, I'm actively juggling... uh... 6 to 8 girls I think...?


----------



## Metal_Webb

JosephAOI said:


> I think the best piece of woman advice I've ever gotten is this: never ever EVER go after one single woman. Don't just look around for one girl and try to get her. Talk to lots of women. All the time. Be constantly in every girl's loop and talk to them. Make sure they all know that you are someone they can talk to as well.
> 
> The reasoning behind this is quite obvious when you think about it: When you're chasing a single woman, you can get annoying and clingy in a way, which will mess up your chances with her. Also, this keeps your options very open. You don't go and search for another woman to chase if you get turned down, you just continue talking to more women and open up more opportunities.



It also show's that you're an alpha male. It stops you exhibiting neediness which is a big thing that most women won't want in a man.

Also as an aside, if you get friendzoned guys, do what the Hodge Twins video recommended on that last page. Keep em in striking distance. Got a feeling that things may end up escalating a bit with that friend of mine who pretty much openly said we're just friends. Of course, if that doesn't end up heading anywhere, oh well, no different to how it is now


----------



## Mexi

glassmoon0fo said:


> that little endorphine rush you get from seeing a pretty face is an indicator that your brain says you pipes are working right and you probably need to go balls deep.



I should start practicing this on campus and see where it takes me 

edit: on that porn thing, I've actually found my tastes diversifying. Maybe because I've been single for so long, I've tended to gravitate to more real-looking women in both fantasy and real life. There are so many gorgeous women out there that you can see/meet on a daily basis, it really is about having enough confidence to do so (which took me far too long to understand)


----------



## UnderTheSign

Well, my second date got cancelled this morning because she had terrible period pains... Better luck next wednesday I guess.


----------



## broj15

So this may seem like a dumb question but what is the best way to tell if a girl is asking you questions about yourself because she legitametaly wants to get to know you or if she's doing it just to be formal/ polite. I'm not even talking about someone I'm romantically interested in. Really just people in general. I mean I feign interest in what people have to say all the time (unless we're already friends or your someone I think would be worth getting to know) so I'm sure everyone else does it all the time as well. Its probably not a question that can be easily answered but I figured maybe someone out there could help.


----------



## Scattered Messiah

simple answer: experience / trial and error.

more complex one:
there's more to the equation - body language, how she/he reacts towards other individuals (if you are there, if you are not there), the questions not asked are important ... the reactions on the things you say and do are a strong indicator, too.

the really funny thing is, that it's pretty easy to turn faked interest into real interest [at least on most occasions]


----------



## Gothic Headhunter

So, just some advice...

If you're ever having a conversation with a girl and you think she might be fishing for compliments, but you're not completely sure, you're better off not saying anything.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Murmel said:


> I mean, I'm a fucking weird dude, not *in the awkward-don't-know-how-to-talk-to-people-way*, I'm just weird.



This is the way in which I AM weird.

It's annoying, because it's not like there aren't people (particularly girls) I want to talk to, I just have absolutely no idea how to go about it.

Any help anyone can offer me in this matter would actually be appreciated, seriously.


----------



## Metal_Webb

Gothic Headhunter said:


> So, just some advice...
> 
> If you're ever having a conversation with a girl and you think she might be fishing for compliments, but you're not completely sure, you're better off not saying anything.



Or give her the compliment and call her out on the fishing, depends on the person of course.


----------



## Idontpersonally

@buckethead

dude theres so much advice out there no guy should have those issues any more checkout wing girls emily hart elliot hulse etc.. just act normal, i got girls before i could even play and im one of the weirdest lamest guys here...i dont understand some of u guy's issues. Girls like guys with skills/jobs. If you have that you dont need money. The only time you need game is when you dont have money or a job. How hard is that really... If you have all of that and _*still *_cant get a girl theres plenty of help online.....

c'mon people really....


Women need compliments, whats wrong with that.


----------



## Bekanor

Just on the no porn thing. 

Do not under any circumstances take that advice as "stop jerking off". Male biology is a man's worst enemy, if you're not getting your end away regularly your hormones WILL make you feel like shit, both physically and mentally. Not to mention that being backed up will amplify whatever anxiety you have talking to girls.

This may not be true for all but I know whenever I'm sad about not having a girl I'm only a wrist rage session away from not giving a shit.

It's taboo I know but this thread is all about helping dudes out with whatever experience you care to share so there it is. Also, jerking it in general will help you last longer in the sack.


----------



## Fiction

BucketheadRules said:


> Any help anyone can offer me in this matter would actually be appreciated, seriously.



Just pretend they're an internet forum member, but you're in the off-topic section so you can joke about other things besides guitars. Unless you're in the memes thread, than it's strictly seven string related jokes, which they may not quite understand.

... Enough jokes.

A trick I used is to set a goal to talk to one person you don't know everyday. Regardless of gender, looks, age.. On a bus, train, bus stop, school, ask to hang with your friends other friends, whatever. Just talk to new people, it's all people skills. The more people you speak to, the easier conversation with new people will come, the more confident you will feel in walking up to someone you don't know.

Start off simple.. "Hey, hows things?" introduce yourself, ask questions that are relevant, they might look like they listen to metal, a band shirt? school attire, talk about school, branch off from conversations, its fine to just change a subject, but a nice flowing conversation branches.

"Yeah I go to _x_ school, it's actually near a great coffee shop"
"Oh you've been to _y_? One of my friends lives out there, we actually use to play in a band" or "Sports team"

Another great tool, I can't remember where I read this one, but the Author of the book referred to the item as a "whatsit". Basically it's a conversational starter by wearing something. Maybe it's a wristband, a hat, a ring, odd shoes, anything. Something someone with relevant interests may comment on, for instance I use to get people come up to me at clubs and start talking to me simply because I was known for wearing the same humourous over-shirt every week. This also works in reverse, see a girl with a nice hat, comment on the hat.. It's a great opener.

Now get social-ing, boy!


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Bekanor said:


> Just on the no porn thing.
> 
> Do not under any circumstances take that advice as "stop jerking off". Male biology is a man's worst enemy, if you're not getting your end away regularly your hormones WILL make you feel like shit, both physically and mentally. Not to mention that being backed up will amplify whatever anxiety you have talking to girls.
> 
> This may not be true for all but I know whenever I'm sad about not having a girl I'm only a wrist rage session away from not giving a shit.
> 
> It's taboo I know but this thread is all about helping dudes out with whatever experience you care to share so there it is. Also, jerking it in general will help you last longer in the sack.


 
I've found all of that to be the opposite on my end. Male biology can't possibly be your worst enemy when it's perfectly natural, as a matter of fact it can be extreamly powerfull. It's just our responsibility to learn how to harness it. That backup youre talking about will go away after a while, and on top of that, when you care around a bit more load on average, two things happen: the vesicles in your sack enlarge and strengthen, so you can bust nuts like a racehorse, AND they tend to hang lower and such, which in turn makes you last longer (notice how when you're about to bust, your nuts pull in close to your body. heavy nuts = not happening that easy lol). Anxiety is a mental issue, not physical, and when you get your rocks off from artificial means, it not only saps your energy and drive to get anything done, it reinforces your reward circuit in a way that doesnt push you to chase women. 

Man has developed the hunter-gatherer brain over millions of years, which means we're driven to crave things that are rare, like sex. When those things are in abundance, we tend to over do them, and jacking it all the time is the same as gourging yourself on salty or fatty foods that are normally rare in nature, like mating partners. You see what happens there. I'm tellin you man, go 30 days without and see how you feel after. The rewiring process can be a bitch, but it far outweighs the cost of jacking it all the time. Voice of experience over here


----------



## Idontpersonally

I love porn.
Longest ive went without fap/porn anything was a year. I actually had more confidence talking to girls during that period than when sexually active. I wasnt thinking of sex so theres no intentions and no pressure of figuring out how to get a girl to f me. Girls are attracted to indifference btw. which is why these guys complaining they cant get girls probably wont get one for a long time, especially if they dont learn to either help themselves or take valuable advice. Women can smell desperation from a mile away and will head for the hills if you come at them all unsure n shit.....im starting to think they dont really want help.. Guys think about sex more, girls actually want it more... 

Another thing is fapping to last longer is only necessary for threesomes imo but i know where your coming from.
I think the no porn thing is good for looking @ women as other than objects and putting energy to use in a more productive way. It only rewires your brain if you let it. Other than that, women love porn just as much as guys. Only recently have i found that there are a lot of guys who think they actually have to compete with the machine. More women have overstimulated themselves than men and cant even have regular sex without toys. Its actually more common than you'd think.


----------



## Bekanor

glassmoon0fo said:


> I've found all of that to be the opposite on my end. Male biology can't possibly be your worst enemy when it's perfectly natural, as a matter of fact it can be extreamly powerfull. It's just our responsibility to learn how to harness it. That backup youre talking about will go away after a while, and on top of that, when you care around a bit more load on average, two things happen: the vesicles in your sack enlarge and strengthen, so you can bust nuts like a racehorse, AND they tend to hang lower and such, which in turn makes you last longer (notice how when you're about to bust, your nuts pull in close to your body. heavy nuts = not happening that easy lol). Anxiety is a mental issue, not physical, and when you get your rocks off from artificial means, it not only saps your energy and drive to get anything done, it reinforces your reward circuit in a way that doesnt push you to chase women.
> 
> Man has developed the hunter-gatherer brain over millions of years, which means we're driven to crave things that are rare, like sex. When those things are in abundance, we tend to over do them, and jacking it all the time is the same as gourging yourself on salty or fatty foods that are normally rare in nature, like mating partners. You see what happens there. I'm tellin you man, go 30 days without and see how you feel after. The rewiring process can be a bitch, but it far outweighs the cost of jacking it all the time. Voice of experience over here



I'd give it a try but I'd hate to be a 2 pump chump when I see the girly I've been chasing again.


----------



## Idontpersonally

youd be surprised at the power of your own mind over matter.. Glass is on point


----------



## Metal_Webb

I think the point that Bekanor was trying to get across was:
Taking care of yourself several times a week is good for you.

That being said, several times a day won't do anyone any favours at all


----------



## Bekanor

Pretty much, someone has to take care of business, might as well be you.


----------



## Bekanor

Idontpersonally said:


> youd be surprised at the power of your own mind over matter.. Glass is on point



Mind over matter is one thing, busting a nut after 5 minutes because your junk hasn't felt human contact in 3 months is quite another.


----------



## Idontpersonally

lol @ bek i know what your sayin, Im just speaking from experience. Im sayin the matter is getting laid and lasting... Ive done it after over year of celibacy, probably would never do it again but it's not impossible.


----------



## Bekanor

Idontpersonally said:


> lol @ bek i know what your sayin, Im just speaking from experience. Im sayin the matter is getting laid and lasting... Ive done it after over year of celibacy, probably would never do it again but it's not impossible.



I'm only speaking from experience too, in so much as my recent exploits have only amounted to a fling here and there every couple of months. If I had some consistency it wouldn't be a problem.


----------



## rogerskevin

Nothing is impossible but its better you don&#8217;t do it again.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Bekanor said:


> I'm only speaking from experience too, in so much as my recent exploits have only amounted to a fling here and there every couple of months. If I had some consistency it wouldn't be a problem.



I see, Call me old fashioned, but i'd call that pretty consistent. Might want to try this out. Grab a couple bros and get practicing.


----------



## Bekanor

Idontpersonally said:


> I see, Call me old fashioned, but i'd call that pretty consistent. Might want to try this out. Grab a couple bros and get practicing.




When I think of consistency I think of a single sexual partner. Not a bunch of random girls with varying skills and experience.


----------



## Idontpersonally

@bek Well im no doctor, but it sounded like your issue was consistency on the giving end rather than the receiving end. Shrug. ..either way premi nut busting usually comes down to ones own technique regardless of the partners experience ime even though there are those women who think it's their fault a guy cant last.. popping one off before hand is the tried and true im just saying there are other methods out there you can try. I do agree that one consistent partner would be more willing to work with you.


----------



## Bekanor

Idontpersonally said:


> @bek Well im no doctor, but it sounded like your issue was consistency on the giving end rather than the receiving end. Shrug. ..either way premi nut busting usually comes down to ones own technique regardless of the partners experience ime even though there are those women who think it's their fault a guy cant last.. popping one off before hand is the tried and true im just saying there are other methods out there you can try. I do agree that one consistent partner would be more willing to work with you.



Hahahahahaha no I don't bust early (and I have a few in the moment techniques to prevent it anyway, thinking of random stuff, forcing a leg cramp, etc.), I was just explaining my definition of "consistent" as it relates to keeping up regular desk pops, in so much as not wanting to spend a night with a starfish and be unsatisfied, then go dry for a month and put in a rubbish effort with a wildcat because I'm backed up. 

I figured regular "maintenance" was just something all guys did to not leave "stamina" to chance. Even if it's not, it paid off for me recently when I found myself in the exact situation I described above (without the being backed up part). 

Good planning leads to confidence in just about everything.


----------



## tm20

sorry to abruptly change topics but i got a quick question. sometimes when i think about the fact that im single and i get a bit lonely, my heart beats become a bit harder and i feel slight discomfort (i breath slightly heavier as well).....are these things related? :S


----------



## Idontpersonally

Bekanor said:


> I was just explaining my definition of "consistent" as it relates to keeping up regular desk pops, in so much as not wanting to spend a night with a starfish and be unsatisfied, then go dry for a month and put in a rubbish effort with a wildcat because I'm backed up.



Understandable, had to read it twice actually haha. There was just a few things you brought up that i understood what you meant but i was just offering the other ways I've experienced them.


> I figured regular "maintenance" was just something all guys did to not leave "stamina" to chance. Even if it's not, it paid off for me recently when I found myself in the exact situation I described above (without the being backed up part).
> 
> Good planning leads to confidence in just about everything.



Yea i agree, I think when guys become sexually active we all have our routines. Im just saying theyre all different that's all. For instance when I am indifferent to women because of porn that's usually when i feel more like shit than if i had been indifferent for the sake of being indifferent, even though i am backed up, if that makes sense... I can understand where youre coming from even though I am not a big dater and not in to Ltrs or just havent had many.. but occasionally I just like to stop[ all forms of sexual anything] for no reason. The body will maintain itself because you will eventually release during sleep after the first couple months or so. ..
So because it's just something i like to do, I'm wired to be more confident/indifferent around women with that sort of thing than with consistent nut busting.. I've noticed it really turns the table on things and they just seemed to be more interested in why i dont seem interested in them like the 50 other guys hitting on them. Then they compete with each other. End of story..


----------



## glassmoon0fo

The whole deal is sort of counterintuative and pretty scary at first, but I've got to say that when porn scenes arent going through my head at random intervals durings sex, I'm always in the moment and it's a whole lot easier to actually control the first nut (the "slippery" one ). If for whatever reason I finish earlier than I want to, I'm usually ready to go right back to it, and women are VERY impressed with that. On top of it all, girls arent nearly as hard on men about the lasting deal as we are on our selves, if you give them ten minutes of the hottest, hardest bone theyve gotten in a while, they're usually pretty interested to come back for repeat business. They all know that the first time with someone new is never the best time anyway.


----------



## Bekanor

Idontpersonally said:


> Understandable, had to read it twice actually haha. There was just a few things you brought up that i understood what you meant but i was just offering the other ways I've experienced them.
> 
> 
> Yea i agree, I think when guys become sexually active we all have our routines. Im just saying theyre all different that's all. For instance when I am indifferent to women because of porn that's usually when i feel more like shit than if i had been indifferent for the sake of being indifferent, even though i am backed up, if that makes sense... I can understand where youre coming from even though I am not a big dater and not in to Ltrs or just havent had many.. but occasionally I just like to stop[ all forms of sexual anything] for no reason. The body will maintain itself because you will eventually release during sleep after the first couple months or so. ..
> So because it's just something i like to do, I'm wired to be more confident/indifferent around women with that sort of thing than with consistent nut busting.. I've noticed it really turns the table on things and they just seemed to be more interested in why i dont seem interested in them like the 50 other guys hitting on them. Then they compete with each other. End of story..



I wish I could make that work for me, but I don't have that sort of willpower. Not to mention that as soon as I start to get backed up I get super irritable.


----------



## JoeyW

^

Stay away, she has kids.


----------



## flint757

Hey baby mommas need love too.


----------



## Kidneythief

So a couple of weeks ago this girl who has been my "unofficial" girlfriend told me that she is getting back together with her ex from 3 years ago. First I was like "Man up, you can take it".

Well I'm calling BS on this one, and I just feel awful and sad and everything that comes with it. I fucking cut myself dammit, haven't done that in a while. Yes I know I sound like a girl crying about this, but I just can't help it. It wasn't a real relationship, not from her part, and I tried to hide my feelings from her with success. But now that it is "over" I'm just feeling more and more miserable everyday. I met her today, because she had some books which I let her borrow, and god knows why I asked how they are doing. I don't know why I did it. After that I quickly ended the meeting and just wanted to go get away, far away, I don't know what to do I just feel so fucked up and lonely. I wanted to go to friends right after that, tried to call some people up, but no one picked up, or they had already got things planned with...get this...their girlfriends. So I'm just sitting here, scored a bottle of Jäger, haven't eaten since noon and plan to drink it all because I can't go to anyone, and I'm just starting to loosing it.

And thanks for listening

I think I have a problem


----------



## UnderTheSign

Kidneythief said:


> I think I have a problem


That would be a correct assumption.


----------



## Scattered Messiah

Dude,

the most important lesson I learned in life yet:
Fuck everyone, who says "never get depressed"! If you feel like shit once and a while thats just life - as long as you manage to get yourself together after a few days and start to actively work your problems.

Its totally logical for you to feel lonely and kinda betrayed, you felt for her and she just left. If something like this does not scratch you ego, you're an arrogant idiot who doesn't know what an ego is 
Take the feeling, do something creative - as long as you do not let this ruin your whole future life. Because life has to go on ;-)
Try to find the energy to channel all the stuff into something constructive!


I think you might have made a mistake with not being honest at all about your feelings ... In my experience it pays off, to say what you feel [in the right moment and to the apropriate extend, that is^^]. You don't necessarily have to tell your crush that you love her & want to have kids with her & live on a lonely island together for the rest of your life at the first date - but a lot in the game is about showing the right amount of affection.
I mean, really: if she was not a bit into you, you'd never have had this unofficial relationship going on^^
However right now would be one of those wrong moments ...


now, to be honest:
Seems like you project a lot of your stess onto yourself - that won't change the situation in a constructive way and it will not change the way you percieve yourself.
I do not know, if it's your fault that she decided to take another route, or if shes just dumb/it's the special time of the month or whatever ... but a fact is a fact.
try to learn something from it [and if it's just "always have two toothbrushes at your place"], improve yourself and life will get better


----------



## JosephAOI

brutalwizard said:


> baby momma drama


----------



## GalacticDeath

Kidneythief said:


> So a couple of weeks ago this girl who has been my "unofficial" girlfriend told me that she is getting back together with her ex from 3 years ago. First I was like "Man up, you can take it".
> 
> Well I'm calling BS on this one, and I just feel awful and sad and everything that comes with it. I fucking cut myself dammit, haven't done that in a while. Yes I know I sound like a girl crying about this, but I just can't help it. It wasn't a real relationship, not from her part, and I tried to hide my feelings from her with success. But now that it is "over" I'm just feeling more and more miserable everyday. I met her today, because she had some books which I let her borrow, and god knows why I asked how they are doing. I don't know why I did it. After that I quickly ended the meeting and just wanted to go get away, far away, I don't know what to do I just feel so fucked up and lonely. I wanted to go to friends right after that, tried to call some people up, but no one picked up, or they had already got things planned with...get this...their girlfriends. So I'm just sitting here, scored a bottle of Jäger, haven't eaten since noon and plan to drink it all because I can't go to anyone, and I'm just starting to loosing it.
> 
> And thanks for listening
> 
> I think I have a problem



Sorry to hear brah, but keep your head up. We're all gonna make it.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Kidneythief said:


> So a couple of weeks ago this girl who has been my "unofficial" girlfriend told me that she is getting back together with her ex from 3 years ago. First I was like "Man up, you can take it".
> 
> 
> I think I have a problem



Ye are not alone. The twins are with u.


----------



## Kidneythief

I somehow feel like an idiot for posting all that out yesterday 
No point in deleting it, google cache is unforgiving anyway.

I did manage to drink a lot though, I don't know how, because I get really sick even after a minimum alcohol (can't handle liquor, thank you Gilbert-Syndrome). And I can't sleep it off, because I have been trouble sleeping in the last weeks. 

I will get over it, I'm pretty confident about that, but there are just points where it really gets bad. I guess I should try to avoid contact with her anyway, she won't be around for too long, she finishes university in 3 months and then leaves the town.

Thank you for the kind words, because I have to confess, I don't have a lot of people around me whom I could turn to if I feel down. And I don't mean just a bit gloomy, but really under myself.


----------



## Idontpersonally

@ bek Like i said i havent done it in years really but i does work. I was actually better at that when i was younger though. It works something along the lines of that weird phenomena that occurs when youre single and feel like no one notices you, you cant get laid for shit, then literally the day after you get a gf women start to come out of the woodwork and random girls want you all of a sudden.. [ almost like a universal test of willpower no?] Only this takes that same sort of principle of indifference or being unavailable to them and it's internalized to such an extent that you begin to change the vibration and frequency you give off and women can sense that. They're highly evolved creatures and recognize this evolution[rather than sheer willpower] in the men around them. If anything, women generally like a challenge just like guys do, just that holding your nut affects your biochemical reactions in one way and porn in another. Even though I bring up evolution, it's actually more primitive[technique wise anyway]... imho you want to end up with the girl that can tell the difference, she will likely be the most consistent with you in the long run... 

@ kidney thief go to a sex party.


Random question, anyone been to a good sex party lately? 
Are you able to let other guys bang your girl with no strings attached or does it bring out unresolved insecurities hidden deep within you?


----------



## JosephAOI

What the fuck is a sex party and where do I find one?


----------



## Metal_Webb

JosephAOI said:


> What the fuck is a sex party and where do I find one?



The Australian Sex Party


----------



## UnderTheSign

Idontpersonally said:


> Random question, anyone been to a good sex party lately?
> Are you able to let other guys bang your girl with no strings attached or does it bring out unresolved insecurities hidden deep within you?


No insecurity issues here, I just don't like the idea of some other dude banging my girl. Monogomy, aye.


----------



## Idontpersonally

yea there is always that option, didnt mean it so cut and dry jw. Not sure how i feel about the organized ones, never been and i sure as hell wouldnt wear a t shirt lol. I meant private/invite only or house parties. Also I think if it's only on a few occasions i still consider it monogamy.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

http://yourbrainonporn.com/

Relevent to the discussion on these past few pages. If you think it isn't really something to look into, do it anyway


----------



## UnderTheSign

Idontpersonally said:


> yea there is always that option, didnt mean it so cut and dry jw. Not sure how i feel about the organized ones, never been and i sure as hell wouldnt wear a t shirt lol. I meant private/invite only or house parties. Also I think if it's only on a few occasions i still consider it monogamy.


Never been to one either but that's mostly because I have no clue where they're being organised and I have no interest in attending one. I don't think I could do it. "no strings attached", the issue being there's a 6'5 string attached called me, haha. When I'm in a relationship, sex and intimacy are our way of bonding. That's one of the reasons I don't have casual sex/one night stands very often, unless it's with someone I do really click it just doesn't satisfy me much at all.


----------



## Idontpersonally

UnderTheSign said:


> Never been to one either but that's mostly because I have no clue where they're being organised and I have no interest in attending one. I don't think I could do it. "no strings attached", the issue being there's a 6'5 string attached called me, haha. When I'm in a relationship, sex and intimacy are our way of bonding. That's one of the reasons I don't have casual sex/one night stands very often, unless it's with someone I do really click it just doesn't satisfy me much at all.



I've never gone with a gf, only single. I could probably do it as a couple bc i know my girl loves me, we arent bound by intimacy alone, not saying i could care less or anything cause i do have some concerns. I was asking about those who've moreless been there done that, sort of thing. Success/fails etc.

In your case im assuming the lack of interest also goes for another woman with your woman? you would be against or not be satisfied from your girl wanting to be with another woman on an occasion or two?


----------



## soliloquy

brutalwizard said:


> Honestly need a different perspective on things guys. Its really a odd situation I never saw myself in. I am really in the early stages of the issue.
> 
> So this girl has been hitting me up on facebook. We went to high school together and I can say I have had a crush on her before. She ended up dating one of my old best friends for 3 years till around late 2011, and we all basically lived togethor for a couple months.
> 
> Last year she started dating this dude, She got pregnant with Twins. Which are now a couple months old. He recently left her to grow marijuana in washington from what she has told me.
> After not talking to her for well over a year, She starts messaging me on facebook. Pretty depressed sounding, alot like myself most of the time to be honest. Just not her regular old "YOLO" self. Which i guess in the circumstances makes sense. I asked if she wanted to go to this show saturday, and she said yes. So thats pretty sweet I think.
> 
> Deep down I know I am setting myself up for nothing substantial, even if things do get "heavy". I feel almost wrong being the shoulder to cry on guy that wants more. I always just assumed friendzone because she was my friend and has always been WAY out of my league. But she has been hinting that our friendship becoming more then that, with stuff like after the show maybe we can just hang out, get all high.
> 
> TLR Do I let a depressed old friend with kids now (still mega hot though), exploit me probably to anger her boyfriend/abandoning father of her children.
> 
> Pro's
> Mega hot, way out of my league.
> 
> cons
> The drama I can only assume will happen, If I take things beyond just taking her to a show.




it could be that her man is a dead-beat dad and he is walking away. 
yes, she may need a crutch, and may see you as that.
if you guys do end up together, you may have to raise those kids as your own.
she may love you for that and not use you.
you may want to do that out of the goodness of your heart.
kids are awesome if you're in a good place in your life to take care of them. they can be super rewarding and ego boosters too (i know that sounds bad, but do a good job raising them, and the world will adore you for it)


i say hang out with her. see how things are going. play it by ear. if she is pressuring you into things, and you dont like the pressure, tell her to back off. 


in this situation, the 'good guy' (you) can come up on top. just be safe and figure out as to what she wants. 

also, you may want to build a thicker skin around her too. she maybe a broken case, then depression. but depression can also be caused in new mothers as well, and if thats the case, its not really her fault, nor the situation she's put in. hell, she may not even be looking for a relationship, but things can always change. 

good luck.


----------



## Konfyouzd

JoeyW said:


> ^
> 
> Stay away, she has kids.


----------



## JoeyW

Konfyouzd said:


>


----------



## UnderTheSign

Idontpersonally said:


> I've never gone with a gf, only single. I could probably do it as a couple bc i know my girl loves me, we arent bound by intimacy alone, not saying i could care less or anything cause i do have some concerns. I was asking about those who've moreless been there done that, sort of thing. Success/fails etc.
> 
> In your case im assuming the lack of interest also goes for another woman with your woman? you would be against or not be satisfied from your girl wanting to be with another woman on an occasion or two?


Hmm, fair enough. Was just offering my views.

Good point - I know there are a lot of guys who *say* they're perfectly fine with their girl messing around with other women because it's the ultimate fantasy and all that but I'm not really sure how I'd react if I had a gf that told me she wanted to be with other women. I don't think I'd feel comfortable with her doing so, no. Either because I feel that if she has any special desires, I as a partner should be able to satisfy those and perhaps because of my view on relationships. I have a lot of friends that are polyamorous and have no problem with them being that way but I'm not open to such a relationship because I feel relationships are something between two people, adding a third introduces possible difficulties and conflicting interests.


----------



## texshred777

Just because there isn't a dick involved, doesn't make it any less of a deception or betrayal.

Edit:
Reading the OQ more thouroughly, deception may not be the right word. BUT, in a relationship that isn't expressly open it's still cheating. This is of course assuming that there aren't other relationship "clauses"(area/zip code, state,etc) in order. In that case don't agree to something you're not sure you can live up to. 

I've never seen an open relationship work out long term. I'm not saying they can't, I just haven't seen it. I am not one to go there, and I don't have any jealousy issues. Nor am I threatened by someone else. I just see the whole scenario as a recipe for drama. I hate drama.


----------



## Idontpersonally

UnderTheSign said:


> Good point - I know there are a lot of guys who *say* they're perfectly fine with their girl messing around with other women because it's the ultimate fantasy and all that but I'm not really sure how I'd react if I had a gf that told me she wanted to be with other women. I don't think I'd feel comfortable with her doing so, no. Either because I feel that if she has any special desires, I as a partner should be able to satisfy those and perhaps because of my view on relationships. I have a lot of friends that are polyamorous and have no problem with them being that way but I'm not open to such a relationship because I feel relationships are something between two people, adding a third introduces possible difficulties and conflicting interests.




I understand where you're coming from Bc I'm not into open relationships much either i dont consider them genuine relationships if there are little to no boundaries, so that was one concern. Have your friends been into that for a while as in theyre married couples? 

Ime the issue of satisfying a girl has usually something to do with distance apart for extended periods, in that sense there is no conflict of interest as the general rule has been distinguishing love from sex. Something I still havent fully wrapped my head around but im a little desensitized to because it's not the first time ive discussed it with a partner and almost always seems to come with the territory of ldr's. There is no distance issue in this case and my gf has more experience[going as a couple], less insecurities which makes me trust her more. 

@ tex Who said anything about deception? I dont see how that statement is very relevant to the oq...Obviously if you have to lie to your partner you shouldn't be with that person..


----------



## Idontpersonally

texshred777 said:


> Edit:
> Reading the OQ more thouroughly, deception may not be the right word. BUT, in a relationship that isn't expressly open it's still cheating. This is of course assuming that there aren't other relationship "clauses"(area/zip code, state,etc) in order. In that case don't agree to something you're not sure you can live up to.
> 
> I've never seen an open relationship work out long term. I'm not saying they can't, I just haven't seen it. I am not one to go there, and I don't have any jealousy issues. Nor am I threatened by someone else. I just see the whole scenario as a recipe for drama. I hate drama.



Yea, we're talking about committed relationships. I wouldnt be in an open relationship saving ldr's, but if my girl wants to go to a sex party for whatever reason, I'll support her. Drama ime stems from instability or lack of communication, not what I'm illustrating here. If there's any drama involved I wouldnt call that a 'good' party.


----------



## Devyn Eclipse Nav

So I recently broke up with my girlfriend of a year and a half. The split was amicable and we still talk, and we've both already moved on and are looking for other relationships. We were just discussing this, as well as our lack of success, and the guy she went on a date with yesterday apparently just referred to genitals as "No-no parts"

I 'ed my ass off, and made a sound I'm pretty sure was not human.


----------



## TheDuatAwaits

Okay, I didn't know if i should post this or not, but I need advice, so here we go.

My girlfriend and I have been dating over a year and a half now, I'm almost 19 and she is 16, and over that time, I've had an on and off crush on one of my best friends. Now my girlfriend and her are cool most of the time, other times its girl drama over something stupid, or myself. (example; her wanting to hang out with me and my girlfriend not liking that idea and other times she doesn't really care.)

Don't get me wrong, I love my girlfriend and all, but we fight a majority of the time, sometimes we go days without even talking. Part of me wants to end it and take the guilt tripping that'll come along with it, and part of me wants to stay with her. She says she's inlove with me, and i feel the same somewhat, but I'm nowhere near her compassion level. I've never cheated on a girl before and I'm not about to start, but with my friend, i feel friend-zoned hardcore and at the same time i feel like we would be awesome together. I don't want to throw away a year and a half, so i need help. I know i forgot somethings. What do?  I'm caught between a rock and a hard place so to speak. 

TL; DR version: I like my best friend and my girlfriend at the same time, I want to be with her or my girlfriend and i can't decide what to do. Help. :/


----------



## Metal_Webb

levijaymz said:


> TL; DR version: I like my best friend and my girlfriend at the same time, I want to be with her or my girlfriend and i can't decide what to do. Help. :/



If you know you're friendzoned, don't even bother man. You can get out of the friend zone, but that's entirely down to her changing her feelings about you. If you want to, try your best to sort out things with your GF, but I don't recommend breaking it off with her on the basis of trying to get with your friend who's FZ'd you.


----------



## soliloquy

i gave my girl the world


bitches love the world


i'm just trolling, i got no real issues other than working out is making me unusually horny and i need more physical attention now than i did before. once a week isn't cutting it anymore (we dont live together, and lead busy lives)


----------



## leandroab

This is golden:

My girlfriend is kinda bummed that I last too long in bed. Since I take a long time to reach orgasm, she thinks she's doing something wrong or she's not good enough. I told her it's bullshit, plain and simple. Since I've always been like that. It's my rhythm I'm not the quickie guy, and nobody ever complained about it.

She said it's ok and that she understands but really, I still think she'll not feel 100% during sex since she's not a marathoner as I am hahahaha. Thoughts?


----------



## tacotiklah

She's probably just used to guys with no dick control. Don't worry, you'll soon spoil her.


----------



## Konfyouzd

JoeyW said:


>




Glad you took it well...

I just don't see anything particularly wrong with kids unless that's a responsibility in which you aren't interested. Otherwise, if I can see that she's clearly making it on her own, not struggling, and the kids don't look like Raggedy Anne and Andy, then she might not put too much pressure on you in the way most of us assume anyway.

Furthermore, a more responsible woman might not even have you meet her kids right away as it can be confusing for a child to constantly have a a new male figure in their lives. Some don't care, but the ones worth going for (in my opinion) almost make you work to meet the children in the same way young girls feel it's necessary to put a man through an obstacle course simply for the "chance" to dip his wick. 

Also...  @ dick control... 

Reminds me of a Prince song... "Pussy Control"


----------



## leandroab

ghstofperdition said:


> She's probably just used to guys with no dick control. Don't worry, you'll soon spoil her.



I'm not sure if it's about dick control or psychological factors, but she said she's used to guys lasting 15-30 min max, not 45-60 min ahahahhahah

And I saw she gets tired and a little frustrated, it's understandable but it ruins for me too because I simply don't want that to happen every time we have sex.

This blows


----------



## Konfyouzd

soliloquy said:


> i gave my girl the world
> 
> 
> bitches love the world
> 
> 
> i'm just trolling, i got no real issues other than working out is making me unusually horny and i need more physical attention now than i did before. once a week isn't cutting it anymore (we dont live together, and lead busy lives)


 
Hmm... Interesting... I typically get my fat ass off the couch and exercise to satitate idle horniness since women typically ain't checkin' for this... Keeps my mind off that and more on how it feels like my body is rejecting me.


----------



## Konfyouzd

leandroab said:


> I'm not sure if it's about dick control or psychological factors, but she said she's used to guys lasting 15-30 min max, not 45-60 min ahahahhahah
> 
> And I saw she gets tired and a little frustrated, it's understandable but it ruins for me too because I simply don't want that to happen every time we have sex.
> 
> This blows


 
Oh she'll get used to it. But I agree... I've noticed that on the off chance I do actually manage to bring my B+ game, most women get tired far before I do and they're usually the ones complaining that dudes can't last... Go fuckin' figure...

Only ever met one that could take it... I shoulda never left her...


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Common misconception that women want a man that can go all night, I've found that they honestly only want sex as long as it feels good. Unless you develope the skill to keep her at a very high level of excitement, she'll either start to go numb or get too sensative. That skill is usually based around manual play and not intercourse itself, so if you're pounding away for an hour or so she'll most likely start to get either bombed out or bored, so I think she was giving you permission to wrap it up  Good problem to have though. If I were you (I'm not, 20 minutes is good enough to get the job done a few times on her end, and I have shit to do!) I'd save the marathon fest for special occasions, like valentines day or after she mouths off to you to show her who's boss.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^ Truth...

It's also a common misconception they want a huge cock... Most of them will run from the types of dicks they joke about wanting...


----------



## Konfyouzd

glassmoon0fo said:


> I'd save the marathon fest for...after she mouths off to you to show her who's boss.


----------



## soliloquy

for what its worth, for ANY guy doesn't last as long as he/she/they want to, try a condom that is designed to make you last longer. depending on what i'm doing, i usually last 5-15 minutes (fuck/love making etc). however, those condoms usually make me last 1 to 1.5 hours long. yes, it gets boring on my end, and i'm sure it gets boring on her end too, but whatever. you could just cuddle once you're tired and call it a night. 



Konfyouzd said:


> Hmm... Interesting... I typically get my fat ass off the couch and exercise to satitate idle horniness since women typically ain't checkin' for this... Keeps my mind off that and more on how it feels like my body is rejecting me.




working out boosts testosterone. testosterone helps boost your drive. and thus you feel unusually horny...not really a good thing on my end


----------



## Konfyouzd

That explains why I'm so angry...


----------



## leandroab

glassmoon0fo said:


> Common misconception that women want a man that can go all night, I've found that they honestly only want sex as long as it feels good. Unless you develope the skill to keep her at a very high level of excitement, she'll either start to go numb or get too sensative. That skill is usually based around manual play and not intercourse itself, so if you're pounding away for an hour or so she'll most likely start to get either bombed out or bored, so I think she was giving you permission to wrap it up  Good problem to have though. If I were you (I'm not, 20 minutes is good enough to get the job done a few times on her end, and I have shit to do!) I'd save the marathon fest for special occasions, like valentines day or after she mouths off to you to show her who's boss.



I don't see a problem with her wanting to "wrap it up" after 30 minutes. But then she'll probably think "Oh he didn't cum, I'm probably doing something wrong or he doesn't like me", which, as I already told her very bluntly, is bullshit.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Oh, you CANT come in under 30 minutes...that's a dick of a different color. I can't relate to that, youre on your own


----------



## Brill

So i cant muster the courage to talk to the girl i like, i keep getting her stuff she likes a giving it to her and trying to talk, but shes always with a friend or i just cant talk to her.. anyone got some advice?


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Dont give her stuff, for starters. You'll just become an orbiter, someone that she keeps in tow that she can get free shit from. Seems like you have the wrong idea about what women are attracted to, and some basic inner game type stuff that needs work (that's reaching, but if you think giving her stuff will work, I think it holds true). Back AWAY from her for a bit before you do something that you cant repair, do a little research into what women actually want, because I assure you what they say they want is 1) a smokescreen and 2)completely pointless because women don't know what they want until a real man shows it to them. Go get your manhood in order and then come back and show her what she cant have. 

I'm in the same boat right now, honestly. Just left a girls house that knows I'm in deep and my emotions are betraying me enough to get me nowhere. Time to disappear. Wish me the best, I like this one. God help me I like her =[


----------



## Idontpersonally

glassmoon0fo said:


> I'm in the same boat right now, honestly. Just left a girls house that knows I'm in deep and my emotions are betraying me enough to get me nowhere. Time to disappear. Wish me the best, I like this one. God help me I like her =[



<--On deck


----------



## Bekanor

EDIT: Never mind, thought about this for longer than 5 seconds, definitely a bad idea.


----------



## Konfyouzd

leandroab said:


> I don't see a problem with her wanting to "wrap it up" after 30 minutes. But then she'll probably think "Oh he didn't cum, I'm probably doing something wrong or he doesn't like me", which, as I already told her very bluntly, is bullshit.



Does she get really wet? Sometimes it's harder to finish if they're really wet... Not enough friction... 

But yes, they typically tend to think they did something wrong. The way I see it, as much as they complain about not being "satisfied," she should consider herself lucky...


----------



## Konfyouzd

glassmoon0fo said:


> Dont give her stuff, for starters. You'll just become an orbiter, someone that she keeps in tow that she can get free shit from. Seems like you have the wrong idea about what women are attracted to, and some basic inner game type stuff that needs work (that's reaching, but if you think giving her stuff will work, I think it holds true). Back AWAY from her for a bit before you do something that you cant repair, do a little research into what women actually want, because I assure you what they say they want is 1) a smokescreen and 2)completely pointless because women don't know what they want until a real man shows it to them. Go get your manhood in order and then come back and show her what she cant have.
> 
> I'm in the same boat right now, honestly. Just left a girls house that knows I'm in deep and my emotions are betraying me enough to get me nowhere. Time to disappear. Wish me the best, I like this one. God help me I like her =[



That's kinda interesting... I get a bit annoyed with chicks that don't seem to know what they want, but constantly talk as though they do. Most of the time they'll make up some BS to not be with someone worthwhile to be with someone worthless and come back later to tell you they shoulda dated you. 

You gave similar advice to my dad. Don't count em out just yet; things could change later. But if you have to have a billion rainy days to recognize a sunny one, you're just not perceptive enough to join this team.


----------



## That_One_Person

Just thought i'd share this with ss.org. Went to Dairy Queen last night with a good buddy and lo and behold my ex-girlfriend walks in. She looked like complete shit and was with some dude that looked the same. Wasn't the guy she cheated on me with or the guy she used as a rebound from me. The sat down at the booth next to us, idk why, and I made sure to talk to my friend about all the cool shit i've done since we split; especially my Camaro Z28 . I as usual, tried to look my best and we boogied out of there after we got our chicken strips, leading to a good night of playing my buddy's drums with his new pearl demon drive chain version double pedals.

I know, kewl story bro.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^Best feeling ever bro. Nothing better than living well after a shitty breakup


----------



## Idontpersonally

Edit, i feel better.. ss org= self therapy.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

@ that one person: Ive got a kinda similar story

Ex of mine who cheated went away for uni, ended up fucking her way around the majority of the male population on campus, failed half way through the year and had to come back home with a massive student loan with nothing to show for it, is now working a shitty 9-5 job trying to pay it off whilst have barely any friends(due to her cheating on me).. 

I kinda feel bad, but at the same time its like "You really fucked me over, messed me up for years relationship wise and gave me trust issues".. Karma Bitch


----------



## That_One_Person

Kiwimetal101 said:


> @ that one person: Ive got a kinda similar story
> 
> Ex of mine who cheated went away for uni, ended up fucking her way around the majority of the male population on campus, failed half way through the year and had to come back home with a massive student loan with nothing to show for it, is now working a shitty 9-5 job trying to pay it off whilst have barely any friends(due to her cheating on me)..
> 
> I kinda feel bad, but at the same time its like "You really fucked me over, messed me up for years relationship wise and gave me trust issues".. Karma Bitch



That's unfortunate dude. I hope some of that karma from down in NZ visits my "past." 

Yeah I was gonna go to the same school as her but said oh fuck that. I took an offer from a school that people like to rag on, but they pay me because of my grades from highschool. It allowed me to amass a sick collection of Nike's and a badass hotrod. 

I filed for transfer to that school because that's where my brother is going next year, and got accepted almost immediately. Hate to quote Kelly Clarkson, but I get what I want, since you've been gone.


----------



## spadz93

oooooo i got a good one for you guys. so i was dating this girl who i didnt realize was a psycho from november to january. during the later weeks i started realizing she was a psycho, i broke it off with her (the main reason was because she got mad i didnt say "happy three months" when my friend had passed away that very same day, im not lying and i have proof that she got upset at me for that very reason). so i meet this new girl a few days later, depressingly enough at my friends wake. i'd been talking to her over facebook and text for the last few days, so we knew OF each other. first thing i do when i see her is give her a comfort hug (obviously). i turn around from the hug, and theres my ex, four feet away from me, staring at me. she then proceeds to cry at the wake to my close friends about how i dumped her. now, valentines day rolls around, and im hanging out with the new girl, taking her to the city, and i get a text from my friend, who sent me a picture of my ex hooking up with this other kid (that was d%$riding my band, and once again i have proof that he was) who looks like an uglier version of me (he's a guitarist too, but not a very good one). me and the new girl (who is now my current girlfriend) proceeded to enjoy our night in the city, went back to my house, and celebrated valentines day the right way  now i had work the next morning, and she decided to sleep over my house. i came back home to a freshly cooked meal of mac and cheese with bacon bits and hot sauce, cooked by her. she also brought me taco bell at school a few times recently. i think i got a solid catch on this one


----------



## The Buttmonkey

K guys I have a relationship question. I'm 17 and i've been in my first serious relationship for about a month now. Before this I've lived a pretty damn sheltered life and my current girlfriend is the first girl I've kissed (I'm home schooled lol) whereas she's had a number of relationships and she's seen a lot of things (yknow been to crazy parties but she has a good head on her shoulders so she isn't really crazy herself) Last night me and her were talking (she's 18) and the subject of cheating came up, which she has always seemed sensitive about. I asked her if she'd ever been cheated on and she said yes, about a year ago she walked in on her close boyfriend f*cking another girl. Which absolutely shocked me as I've never dealt with anything like this before. Both me and my girl are virgins but I really don't know how I should feel or what I should say to her about this. Any ideas? What is the appropriate feeling for me in this situation? I believe this explains her difficulty in "opening up" to me.

Also me being the more sheltered and her having experienced a lot more of life than me tends to make me feel a bit...inadequate. She's a college freshman living on campus coming home on the weekends and I'm a high school senior, soon to go to college myself. I imagine our "experience imbalance" will fix itself at that point, but should I just not care about this thing? What are your thoughts guys?

Btw: we're going on a date tomorrow evening, so any advice by then is appreciated


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Jesus Fuck Leandroab, how I wish I had your problem.  TEACH ME YOUR WAYS!


----------



## spadz93

The Buttmonkey said:


> K guys I have a relationship question. I'm 17 and i've been in my first serious relationship for about a month now. Before this I've lived a pretty damn sheltered life and my current girlfriend is the first girl I've kissed (I'm home schooled lol) whereas she's had a number of relationships and she's seen a lot of things (yknow been to crazy parties but she has a good head on her shoulders so she isn't really crazy herself) Last night me and her were talking (she's 18) and the subject of cheating came up, which she has always seemed sensitive about. I asked her if she'd ever been cheated on and she said yes, about a year ago she walked in on her close boyfriend f*cking another girl. Which absolutely shocked me as I've never dealt with anything like this before. Both me and my girl are virgins but I really don't know how I should feel or what I should say to her about this. Any ideas? What is the appropriate feeling for me in this situation? I believe this explains her difficulty in "opening up" to me.
> 
> Also me being the more sheltered and her having experienced a lot more of life than me tends to make me feel a bit...inadequate. She's a college freshman living on campus coming home on the weekends and I'm a high school senior, soon to go to college myself. I imagine our "experience imbalance" will fix itself at that point, but should I just not care about this thing? What are your thoughts guys?
> 
> Btw: we're going on a date tomorrow evening, so any advice by then is appreciated



she's a bit broken, but if she's seeing you in the first place she must have surfaced again. just don't do what the first asshole did and youre golden. if you really like her, show it. chivalry works, no if's and's or buts. be there to listen, and help her in any way you can. don't worry about the age thing, like i said if she likes you enough to start dating you then youre gonna be fine. if she says she still holds her v-card, then she doesnt really have much more experience, honestly. parties are fun and all, but that doesnt make someone THAT much better than someone else. and that difficulty of opening up that you said she has will disappear in time. if you two are a new couple, then you got a little bit of time before she's gonna be 110% comfortable around you.

oh and advice about the date: cover alllll the $$, no matter how hard she may or may not try to pay (or how expensive, welcome to the relationship game). if she tries to pay and puts up a small fight about it, then thats really good, bc then it doesnt seem like all she wants is your wallet.

if theres one thing i've learned, its that age doesnt matter if youre one year apart or maybe even two, just act mature and you're fine


----------



## The Buttmonkey

spadz93 said:


> oh and advice about the date: cover alllll the $$, no matter how hard she may or may not try to pay (or how expensive, welcome to the relationship game). if she tries to pay and puts up a small fight about it, then thats really good, bc then it doesnt seem like all she wants is your wallet.
> 
> if theres one thing i've learned, its that age doesnt matter if youre one year apart or maybe even two, just act mature and you're fine



Oh I've spent a couple hundred dollars on her so far. I have a decent part time job so it's no issue though (she actually doesn't like that I've spent that much on her, she said she prefers to just hang out she feels like she owes me something when I spend money on her). We've seen each other once or twice every weekend since valentine's day except for one weekend when she was visiting some friends at another college. She stays busy during the week so I can't visit her really (at least we haven't started the habit of visiting during the week yet lol) except for the weekends which are always great.

Anyways, I have been immensely happy since I've started dating her. She is the sweetest, most intelligent girl I could've asked for. Very honest, humble and nerdy just like me. She is amazingly calm, and she knows how to deal with stress. She hates drama just like me. The most upset I've ever seen her was when she rolled her eyes and sighed at an ultra conservative  . She's majoring in Biology at school because she loves science, and it's her dream to be able to learn constantly during her life. 

My heart just broke for her knowing she had to go through something as brutal as she did with her ex. I know that it's a long time in the past but that's a heavy burden to bear. I've never had to experience anything as heavy as that in my entire life.


----------



## spadz93

The Buttmonkey said:


> Oh I've spent a couple hundred dollars on her so far. I have a decent part time job so it's no issue though (she actually doesn't like that I've spent that much on her, she said she prefers to just hang out she feels like she owes me something when I spend money on her). We've seen each other once or twice every weekend since valentine's day except for one weekend when she was visiting some friends at another college. She stays busy during the week so I can't visit her really (at least we haven't started the habit of visiting during the week yet lol) except for the weekends which are always great.
> 
> Anyways, I have been immensely happy since I've started dating her. She is the sweetest, most intelligent girl I could've asked for. Very honest, humble and nerdy just like me. She is amazingly calm, and she knows how to deal with stress. She hates drama just like me. The most upset I've ever seen her was when she rolled her eyes and sighed at an ultra conservative  . She's majoring in Biology at school because she loves science, and it's her dream to be able to learn constantly during her life.
> 
> My heart just broke for her knowing she had to go through something as brutal as she did with her ex. I know that it's a long time in the past but that's a heavy burden to bear. I've never had to experience anything as heavy as that in my entire life.



you're gonna be fine man, keep doin what you're doin, if you both like each other then you're in the clear as long as you dont start being a dick haha


----------



## flint757

The Buttmonkey said:


> My heart just broke for her knowing she had to go through something as brutal as she did with her ex. I know that it's a long time in the past but that's a heavy burden to bear. I've never had to experience anything as heavy as that in my entire life.



It's nice that you empathize with her, but you brought it up with her (as you described it at least)so is it actually bothering her or does it bother you that people can be shitty? If it isn't bothering her why stress yourself out over nothing. Just be happy and enjoy the ride.


----------



## Heroin

This girl I asked out finally said she wants to go on a date after giving me a maybe  I've never actually been on a real date before as I'm only 17 so this should be interesting  I'm not sure where to take her so does anyone have any advice?


----------



## Idontpersonally

icecream and kisses


----------



## Konfyouzd

Met another one... Possibly moving soon. Timing. I don't have it unless there's a guitar in my hands and even then it's suspect.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Lol @ just now reading the tags for this thread.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Heroin said:


> This girl I asked out finally said she wants to go on a date after giving me a maybe  I've never actually been on a real date before as I'm only 17 so this should be interesting  I'm not sure where to take her so does anyone have any advice?



If she likes you it probably won't matter. Go see a movie.


----------



## Fiction

Movies are lazy, do something fun for date #1!


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^agreed. Movies dont give you much time to get to know each other, and dinner isn't the best because you guys probably wouldn't be too comfortable slobbing down food in front of one another. Bowling, Mini golf, concerts, stuff like that. i actually think it's a good idea to take her to something that's the complete opposite of your image of her. If she's kinda skanky, take her to an art gallery, if she's all classy and stuff take her to a monster truck rally. puts them a bit off their balance where you can be in charge, and shows them something new altogether.


----------



## sneakyjeep

Hahaha, saw this thread, laughed and had to post.

My relationship can currently be summed up as..

I'm posting on this forum right now because my girlfriend is pissed at me and sent me out to the living room.., so here I am. 

Also I just have to speak some general words of advice. Don't propose to a girl if you're not SURE. I was once engaged for over 8 years and it was a pretty painful (but necessary) breakup. thought she was right , turned out i was wrong.


----------



## Konfyouzd

@Anyone that said dinner + movie = boring...

Date #1 was quite successful... Japanese steakhouse + movie = WIN. 

And my god she was fine. Somehow women you used to sleep w hook you up w some FINE women... 

Date #2: Working on a double date at a museum. Here's hoping.


----------



## Konfyouzd

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> Jesus Fuck Leandroab, how I wish I had your problem.  TEACH ME YOUR WAYS!



The key is Leandro's favorite things to think ab are baseball and dead puppies.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Leandro, I have the same problem. I've realized over time, that it tends to happen the first bunch of times I sleep with a girl I actually _really_ like. After a few weeks to a month, performance times tend to come back down to normal. I think what it is for me is that if I really like the girl, I think more about her pleasure than my own. And that's the problem: thinking. The less you think, the faster you'll bust cuz all you care about it is getting some. Not that this is a huge problem to have since for the first little while, they tend to really love the all-nighters, but it can be a pain because it's impossible to have a quickie which in reality, is all you've got time for sometimes, not to mention there's always something really nice about spontaneity. So just give it some time and it's possible it might just work itself out. It generally does for me


----------



## leandroab

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> Jesus Fuck Leandroab, how I wish I had your problem.  TEACH ME YOUR WAYS!



I was born this way man hahahah. I wish I could be "normal".



JeffFromMtl said:


> Leandro, I have the same problem. I've realized over time, that it tends to happen the first bunch of times I sleep with a girl I actually _really_ like. After a few weeks to a month, performance times tend to come back down to normal. I think what it is for me is that if I really like the girl, I think more about her pleasure than my own. And that's the problem: thinking. The less you think, the faster you'll bust cuz all you care about it is getting some. Not that this is a huge problem to have since for the first little while, they tend to really love the all-nighters, but it can be a pain because it's impossible to have a quickie which in reality, is all you've got time for sometimes, not to mention there's always something really nice about spontaneity. So just give it some time and it's possible it might just work itself out. It generally does for me



Let's see if this happens with me as well. I could see this fitting my situation actually.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

okay, not too long ago i got out of a two year relationship. im in the last year of university and have decided im going to take advantage of the opportunity to meet many young ladies. however there's been a girl i've been acquainted with since the beginning of my previous relationship and we always would hit it off (until my ex tagged us in pics together and then suddenly no girls would talk to me ever). anyhow i know she's single and fun, and i see her available on facebook chat all the time and want to strike up a conversation, but i have no idea how to strike up a conversation with no context.. and randomly messaging her on FB strikes of being creepy... do the lady savvy members of SS.org know of a way around this or should i stick to my original plan?


----------



## flint757

I have friends who talk on facebook all the time so it isn't creepy. 

Random conversation always starts fairly general like what's up or how are you doing. Then leads to her asking questions if she is intent on talking. Conversation ideas just start to unfold from there typically. You use the Q&A or whatever you are doing while chatting to continue the conversation. That is applicable to all conversation in general...

If you like her just meet up with her sometime or ask her to do something she likes. Coffee, going to the park or something like that is usually pretty neutral so it doesn't feel pushy or put you in an awkward situation. You can get to know each other without feeling forced into something either of you don't want to do.


----------



## leandroab

I'll be doing the no pants dance this weekend. Let's see how it goes.


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## ASoC

Ok, I've got a new problem. 

I've been friends with a girl that I dated for a while and I haven't had an issue with it, until recently.

Lately I've been feeling the urge to undermine her current relationship and try to get with her again. Here are the problems: I've never been the kind of guy to break people up for my benefit, I get the feeling she wouldn't want to give it another try, and I'm not 100% certain that this is the result of me wanting to date her again or if its just case of me wanting something because I can't have it. However, I do know that I'm fully capable of being her friend without feeling bad and without doing anything stupid as a manifestation of whatever I'm feeling. 

So: What should I do? Feel free to ask questions if you need clarification


----------



## flint757

If you're cool with being her friend then just go with the flow. If you force the situation and she still doesn't want to be with you then it could ruin your friendship and you'll probably feel like shit about it too.


----------



## leandroab

I WON'T be doing the no pants dance this weekend as my grandpa cock blocked me.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

^Haha! Please share!..?


----------



## leandroab

Kiwimetal101 said:


> ^Haha! Please share!..?



My 94 year old grandpa won't let my girlfriend and I sleep in the same room. So I think I'll have to do a late night "just watch a movie and then go to sleep". It's just he and I living here. He owns the place so I can't complain.

But a friend managed to free his condo for some hours 

hehehehe

This sucks though.


----------



## ASoC

Girl that I'm crazy about just hit me up again after months of not talking. Ex-GF be damned, this just made my day way better


----------



## tm20




----------



## tacotiklah

Well...
Found a hot fellow tgirl and had some cam sessions. Girl wants me bad. Pity it's long distance, or I'd totally go for it.


----------



## Idontpersonally

_Unconditional love_

*Q:* what is it, does it exist?

Ime yea, not always in the ways people think ie kids/pets/spouse etc.


----------



## -42-

According to my friends I have "the honeys lined _up_" but I'm basically paralyzed emotionally and having real difficulty imagining women being attracted to me.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

leandroab said:


> My 94 year old grandpa won't let my girlfriend and I sleep in the same room. So I think I'll have to do a late night "just watch a movie and then go to sleep". It's just he and I living here. He owns the place so I can't complain.
> 
> But a friend managed to free his condo for some hours
> 
> hehehehe
> 
> This sucks though.


Damn man why not?  That's unfortunate as shit.


----------



## Takemyevil

So I turned 16 today (legal age of consent in the UK) and last night my girlfriend hosted a surprise party for me. Just after it went midnight and i turned 16 everyone told me to go upstairs with her and "do the deed" so to say. Now i never work well under pressure so everyone telling me to do something like that doesn't help, what also didn't help was that my girlfriend was quite drunk and I was completely sober (I'm not a fan of drinking). Anyway we got upstairs into her room and basically I fucked up twice. First time she made me put the condom on in the dark and I got it the wrong way round  and the second time I got in on fine but, well lets just say I couldn't keep it up. So then my girlfriend starts swearing at me telling me to "get the fuck out" (she was also telling me to "hurry the fuck up" whilst I was trying to do the deed. She seemed pretty pissed off with me and so i now worry that if i try again I'll mess up again and she'll get pissed off with me again. She's not a virgin but I am so i feel like i have a lot to live up to and until last night no girl had even seen me without my boxers on let alone tried to do anything with me. 

The good news is that she doesn't remember what happened but I do and now my confidence is shot to bits (it wasn't much in the first place) and now I don't know whether to bring it up with her and say that I don't like being pressured into things or just to leave it and try again next time she wants too :/. I know that i shouldn't do it if i don't want to but it's not that i don't want to its that i don't want to mess up again and i feel like she just wants to get it over and done with, whereas i want to take time to get comfortable when we do it.

Any advise for a confused/pissed off teenager?


----------



## leandroab

So I couldn't last a minute without a condom. I guess I'm TOO normal now?


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Takemyevil said:


> So I turned 16 today (legal age of consent in the UK) and last night my girlfriend hosted a surprise party for me. Just after it went midnight and i turned 16 everyone told me to go upstairs with her and "do the deed" so to say. Now i never work well under pressure so everyone telling me to do something like that doesn't help, what also didn't help was that my girlfriend was quite drunk and I was completely sober (I'm not a fan of drinking). Anyway we got upstairs into her room and basically I fucked up twice. First time she made me put the condom on in the dark and I got it the wrong way round  and the second time I got in on fine but, well lets just say I couldn't keep it up. So then my girlfriend starts swearing at me telling me to "get the fuck out" (she was also telling me to "hurry the fuck up" whilst I was trying to do the deed. She seemed pretty pissed off with me and so i now worry that if i try again I'll mess up again and she'll get pissed off with me again. She's not a virgin but I am so i feel like i have a lot to live up to and until last night no girl had even seen me without my boxers on let alone tried to do anything with me.
> 
> The good news is that she doesn't remember what happened but I do and now my confidence is shot to bits (it wasn't much in the first place) and now I don't know whether to bring it up with her and say that I don't like being pressured into things or just to leave it and try again next time she wants too :/. I know that i shouldn't do it if i don't want to but it's not that i don't want to its that i don't want to mess up again and i feel like she just wants to get it over and done with, whereas i want to take time to get comfortable when we do it.
> 
> Any advise for a confused/pissed off teenager?



foreplay. lots and lots of foreplay.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

leandroab said:


> So I couldn't last a minute without a condom. I guess I'm TOO normal now?


Condoms are the ultimate desensitizer  I guess it's karma in a sense


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Finally talked properly to this girl in my uni class, was helping her play ukelele for our music paper, will be offering my services shortly... Musical ones.... 

Lets see how this goes, I need a lucky break...


----------



## guitarguyMT

So there's this girl I've known for about 3 years now, who had become one of if not my best friend. Last weekend, we got a little crazy at the bars, ended up ending the night with each other... and tonight decided that we should start a relationship, and I'm meeting her family _formally_ next week. I have officially crossed the friend zone, and let me tell you, it is amazing.


----------



## timbucktu123

So a little over 2 months ago I started Dating this girl and compared to my last relationship things are absolutely fantastic. We love the same kind or music and we literally could just talk for hours. Unlike my last relationship(which was my first real relationship) I can actually be completely myself around her and I know she cares about me as much as I Care about her. I also me half of her family yesterday(not counting her parent because they already knew me and love me)and they all really liked me .

Now the old girlfriend is dating the drummer of my band and thankfully it hasn't affected the band but we rarely hang out any more because he's always with her. But whatever as long as he's happy and the band doesn't fall apart


----------



## Idontpersonally

Kiwimetal101 said:


> Finally talked properly to this girl in my uni class, was helping her play ukelele for our music paper, will be offering my services shortly... Musical ones....
> 
> Lets see how this goes, I need a lucky break...





guitarguyMT said:


> So there's this girl I've known for about 3 years now, who had become one of if not my best friend. Last weekend, we got a little crazy at the bars, ended up ending the night with each other... and tonight decided that we should start a relationship, and I'm meeting her family _formally_ next week. I have officially crossed the friend zone, and let me tell you, it is amazing.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I swear I'm cursed... 

It seems like this chick likes me so I guess that's a plus.

But the more I get to know her the less I like her... I quit.

She seems to have this habit of just going MIA for a few days and then coming back with wild ridiculous stories as to why she wasn't around...

Week 1...

Went MIA for a while and I let it go bc we'd just started talking and I felt like it'd come across rather clingy to sweat her. Plus I haven't dated anyone in forever and kinda don't really give a shit...

She comes back eventually and tells me that one of her friend's children had slit their wrists and she was dealing with helping out with that. That's pretty crazy and I kinda get it, but she also has 3 kids of her own. I'm not really sure all of that is her responsibility and I don't see how she couldn't have let me know some shit was going down either way...

But that's not where I have the problem. My problem is this... 

The child went missing at the beginning of the weekend... During the time the child was missing, the mother was going to the club and didn't even tell anyone. That Sunday, the child returned home and the mother beat her for running away or whatever the hell it is she'd done. The chlid THEN slits her wrists under the pretense that her mother doesn't care about her or something...

This is who she hangs with?

No bother... I'll try to look past that. Everyone's got that person in their life that for whatever reason just can't get their shit together, right?

Week 2...

She asked me, "So when are you gonna cook for me?" 

Sure... I'll do that. She wanted to meet my sister and my niece and she was going to bring her kids so I could meet them. Yes, it's probably early to be meeting family like that and what not, but it was her idea. What's more, the kids are something I'll have to deal with eventually anyway should things actually go well, right? Why not meet them?

No call... No show...

I ate my dinner cold with my sister and my best friend who also came over that night (the chick was also supposed to bring down one of her friends who kinda has a thing with my homeboy)...

Didn't hear from her til maybe halfway through Monday... 

Turns out Saturday night she was out with her cousin doing something... Her cousin wanted to go one place and she wanted to go another... She told the cousin to drop her off at home and just take her car to do whatever she wanted.

Her cousin had already been drinking and had no license. She also decided that it was a good idea to go to her ex's place and cause a scene. The car gets impounded and they couldn't get it back until lunch time the next day. She claims she couldn't call bc she'd left her phone in the car.

Against my better judgement I decided I should give her one more shot...

Week 3...

She brings her kids down and we all go see the new GI Joe movie. I taught the oldest one how to play a power chord, played video games with the middle one and just talked to the youngest one bc the little one just had millions of questions... 

Everything seemed cool the whole time besides them fuckin' my house up and almost smashing one of my guitars bc they thought that's what rock stars do...

She's gone MIA again... I feel like whatever I hear this time is going to be the straw that broke the camel's back. I should have quit after the first one honestly. So much for being "understanding"... 



EDIT: Holy fucking shit... Now I know this needs to end. There's no way I should have a list of complaints that long when we're not even a month in!


----------



## Idontpersonally

Edit: The only winning move is not to play



Just be honest Then, fight fire with fire


----------



## tacotiklah

Found a girl locally that came over Friday night for some BDSM talk and a 3 hour cuddle session. Winsauce!


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


>



GTFO man. Doesn't sound like she's nearly enough of a match to get sucked into all that batshit craziness.


----------



## InfinityCollision

NOBODY is worth that kind of crazy. Run far, far away.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Already gone. I'm exhausted after these 3 weeks. I'm gonna order my wife online...


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Got a frustration story of my own, for as good at giving advice as I may be, I cant keep ANY of that shit for myself.

Got a girl that's been in contact with me for a few months now, very interested so it would seem. We got very close over the corse of those months and things were moving along well, then she calls me over saying she wants to fuck and I go over only to get the grandmother of last minute resistance, says she wants to wait a little while longer. I say hey no problem, don't want you to do anything you don't want to do, and it's fine with me. Which it was. But this happened 4 times, 4 FUCKING TIMES over the course of the next month, always with the excuse that she has only been with two guys and hasn't had sex in 6 months so she's still very sensative and tight. Great, but what does that have to do with your attraction to me? Well, I've been hanging out with her, taking her out, helping her around town, and even spent a night with her at her place in bed with no sex. Today, she called me up saying she wanted to come over so I could help with her taxes or some shit, and I said I had some work to do at my job and we could do it there, to which she says she wants to go to the bank first and doesnt feel confident taking a few thousand in cash on her own, I should come take her and we'll go to my job after. I asked her, what's in it for me? She didn't have any answer other than "thank you" and I went anyway. At this point I havn't felt more beta in years, and when I got there she was fresh out of the shower and wrapped in a towel, says I probably should wait in the truck until she's dressed. Like I can't handle her naked (we've been buckass naked before and done everything but fuck), and at this point it occured to me the extent of how much I've been used for attention and whatever else. So I asked her, you know that I entend to have sex with you at some point right? She says yes, and I say why are you holding me hostage with this potential future sex. Exactly why are you leading me on like this? If you wanted to fuck you would have long ago. No answer. So i told her I never want to see her again and walked the fuck out.

Sorry for the lack of composure, but I havn't been sexually frustrated in years and this shit doesn't suit me. I hope she loses my number.


----------



## Metal_Webb

glassmoon0fo said:


> Mass annoyance.



Do not blame you for bailing there man, from that she was just having you hang about for the sake of having a guy hanging about. Hell, I told the nice chick from a few weeks ago to get fucked after she did the same thing to me.


Now, I've been spending a lot more time with my good friend who kind of epically told me "friendzone" 6 months ago. I care a heck of a lot about her and I kept myself around, chatting, being supportive etc etc. Since uni started back up for the year we've been seeing a lot more of each other (there was a point where we didn't see each other for about 2 years!). Going for dinner each week and the like. Now, I feel we've been getting a lot closer of late, she's sitting much closer to me and being a bit more confident.

Then last night she sends me this:







Here's hoping I've interpreted that the correct way


----------



## Konfyouzd

"We're heman woman haters!"


----------



## Idontpersonally

kinda random thought, I hate when you have turn into a therapist when your girl gets all weird about anal cause of those rapey guys that traumatized her in the past. Damn those aggressive bastards ruin it for the rest of us. Like wtf you can tell before she even says anything like oh that fucker? im not him!! where the hell do they come from..


----------



## leandroab

My relationship is now facebook official.

Which, nowadays, is big stuff ahahhahahahahh


----------



## Church2224

So, I had an interesting, yet great day today. Pretty much had the best realization I ever had my entire life.

I went to my community college today and saw my friend who I have mentioned before, gorgeous, sweet girl. She was in a good mood, as I was too, and we talked, flirted a little bit, had a good conversation today before class too. After my class we had a break, so I decided to go get lunch with her and another good friend of mine today at the mall while we had time. 

I sat there and talked to her for a while and began to realize the reason I am so attracted to her. She was everything I am in terms of personality, and a few things I want to be (mainly her confidence and sense of style). But I looked at her and actually realized that before me was a gorgeous young woman with a good heart who was actually a REAL individual, some one who genuinely cared, some one who judged people because of their hearts and the people they were, who associated themselves with genuinely good people, not shallow, not fake, and was an intelligent and intellectual person. Some one who I knew was my type of woman in every single aspect. She was the type of person I wanted to be with. 

And oddly enough, I was able to let her go, and let go of all of my anxieties when it comes to women, for the first time. 

I realized that women who I knew would be perfect for me actually existed, and I was fully confident in my judgement of people and my attractions. Sitting there talking to her, especially to my other friend who is a girl (sweet and cute, girl, very insecure though and very shy, just not my personality type, gorgeous friend is extremely good to her) showed some of her better qualities too. How empathetic she was, her genuine personality. It allowed me to realize that if there is one girl like this, then there has to be more. 

What I am discovering is all you really need is a little confidence to get you anywhere, especially with women. Just think of yourself in a positive light, focus on your passions, treat everyone else around you with some genuine kindness and respect, go out there and live a little, and you will attract the women of your dreams. Also a little knowledge on flirting helps too. Just be the best you that you can be! 

Now you may say "Church go after your friend! She is perfect!" Well, I could, but I would risk loosing something very valuable to me, a great friend who I care about deeply and means a lot to me. Now, more than ever, I need incredible people in my life that bring me joy and happiness. Besides, she already said she would help me pick out a new wardrobe to help me be man candy. If she is the kind of girl I am attracted to and admire, might be a good idea to have one around for some tips. 

I am also learning, and verifying, that I am not the type of guy who goes from woman to woman, dating a lot of people. I want to just have one, two, or just a few great relationships in my life. I know the women I like, the mistakes I have made and seen other men make, and know my ultimate goal. Only thing is I just need to meet more women  

Any tips from my SSO Brothers on how to meet women period? Also, any flirting tips as well? Church is going to try to go out and meet a few good women. My dream girl is out there, I just need to find her.


----------



## Idontpersonally

As long as you know what you want you should have no probs, sounds like you've got it already... Go places where there are women that would be your type just dont be these guys like I was, theyre acting but i really did most of this shit cause I had no clue what i was doing until i learned from fail after fail.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Turns out I'm a typical guy that just wants sex. I cant believe what I've become at this point, and I don't feel like I'm fit to give out any advice to you guys anymore. goddamn.


----------



## Idontpersonally

glassmoon0fo said:


> Turns out I'm a typical guy that just wants sex. I cant believe what I've become at this point, and I don't feel like I'm fit to give out any advice to you guys anymore. goddamn.



No dude, your being f'n honest. did you listen to that patrice oneal clip? i think that can apply to your situation also . Scroll up that dude was literally a like a savior. He's the typical kind of guy but he gets really deep into the philosophy/ psychology behind why men/women are like that cause you know it goes both ways, we just approach it differently. Plus I just did the opposite of the advice i gave out to the guy whos girl wanted a break, luckily i recovered nicely. It happens man

Idk why im going youtube nuts lately, maybe caffeine, but this is really good if you havent seen it, covers a lot of ground. "self policing" he calls it around the 18 min mark love/[email protected] 33


----------



## Church2224

All guys want sex man, but I think you are just too emotional and beating yourself up a little bit right now to be thinking rationally. 

You have helped us all out a great deal, please do not doubt yourself.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Yeah, that guy knows exactly what he's talking about, but it only works if you approach it like that from the beginning interaction with a woman. I didn't do that with this girl and I probably should have, that way I wouldn't have wasted so much time convincing (which, by the way, NEVER workes on emotional-minded women) this girl that she's missing out on the some of the best dick she's come across. I'm pretty confident that sex is where I shine, and if women fault me for wanting a sexual relationship then what the fuck are they even doing engaging me? That's just how I feel, unfortunately I think I'm the kind of guy that women want to lock down. Fuck that, I don't want it right now and it's just not going to happen. My problem has always been that I'm good boyfriend material lol


----------



## Idontpersonally

looks like youve got it straight


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Idontpersonally said:


> I remember when i first got a face book I seen this couple from highschool damn near 15 years ago still together and flirting n shit on fb blew my fucking mind. I remember those "my bf my bf my bf" girls back in the day and id be like goddamn what's this guy doing that im not I want one of those!
> 
> edit* (I remember one guy i worked with whos gf would pack his lunch and bring it to'em and leave little notes in it...mind blown there too cause he would hit on girls at work like damn I'd totally go the opposite route and go on a rejection spree if i had a girl like that)


 
I think my problem in my last relation ship is I made it obvious that she had no competition, idk it's just a thought.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Dan_Vacant said:


> I think my problem in my last relation ship is I made it obvious that she had no competition, idk it's just a thought.



Yea women definitely have a really good 'vulnerability detector'. I actually had one girl tell me i was cute when I was vulnerable, like wtf does that mean[ i actually thought i put out the alpha vibe bc she approached me first so i always felt in total control but somehow she saw right through it



] They also like a good challenge just like we do. Im pretty sure my problem is i try too hard or not enough and usually at the wrong time. I've also learned that you really have to treat each girl differently, Ime anyway what works for one wont work for everyone, some will like straight up honesty and some dont... meh, I will say this for everyone that i weird out or something another one will like that sort of thing and those are the kind of girls i feel like are worth relationships, where you know you can be yourself. Lately Ive really been focusing on the more significant things we have in common rather than just trivial stuff, i used to get hung up on the little things and miss the big picture.

oh yea and as long as you can turn off your phone for a while and keep busy ur good cause women do that too.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Idontpersonally said:


> oh yea and as long as you can turn off your phone for a while and keep busy ur good cause women do that too.


So ignore them for a bit?


----------



## Idontpersonally

Dan_Vacant said:


> So ignore them for a bit?



omg yes. Especially when texting. Just put it down. I let my battery go dead and throw the charger somewhere i wont find it for a while bc Im the kind of guy that over analyzes everything especially women. But yes, they do this too, even if they like you they will ignore you. They like to be pursued always.
Just keep busy bc it works for breakups too, you'll get over it quicker and during the relationship you will be too focused on what your doing to let expectations get the best of you. She wont feel any pressure from you which should make her feel more comfortable opening up, but still work is more important anyway imho keeping busy gives you that ceo vibe and that my friend is a very dangerous weapon, use it wisely. 
The girl Im talking to now all she talks about is work, they love a guy always working, (it gives them something to complain about sshh)


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Idontpersonally said:


> omg yes. Especially when texting. Just put it down. I let my battery go dead and throw the charger somewhere i wont find it for a while bc Im the kind of guy that over analyzes everything especially women. But yes, they do this too, even if they like you they will ignore you. They like to be pursued always.
> Just keep busy bc it works for breakups too, you'll get over it quicker and during the relationship you will be too focused on what your doing to let expectations get the best of you. She wont feel any pressure from you which should make her feel more comfortable opening up, but still work is more important anyway. the girl Im talking to now all she talks about is work, they love a guy always working, (it gives them something to complain about sshh)


I actualy kept myself busy after my last break up it was awesome, but I'm still bummed that it was short.


----------



## Idontpersonally




----------



## That_One_Person

That_One_Person said:


> Just thought i'd share this with ss.org. Went to Dairy Queen last night with a good buddy and lo and behold my ex-girlfriend walks in. She looked like complete shit and was with some dude that looked the same. Wasn't the guy she cheated on me with or the guy she used as a rebound from me. The sat down at the booth next to us, idk why, and I made sure to talk to my friend about all the cool shit i've done since we split; especially my Camaro Z28 . I as usual, tried to look my best and we boogied out of there after we got our chicken strips, leading to a good night of playing my buddy's drums with his new pearl demon drive chain version double pedals.
> 
> I know, kewl story bro.



I posted this a couple weeks back. Oddly enough, this girl sends me a text at 12:30 last night that just says "I'm sorry." I usually respond to texts almost immediately, but after not talking to her for 8 months... No response from me this time.


----------



## Scattered Messiah

@Glassmoon0fo:
Dude, shit like this happens to the best of us 

I mean, you wanted sex -she obviously wanted your presence.
That's a situation I bet you don't often come into, as I think usually you smell stuff like this from miles away [at least I - normally - do], and just start turning the tables automatically.
You either did not want to see it or you are used to getting your part of the deal anyways.

But nobodys perfect 

I dont' think she didn't want the D, but she was enjoying toying you far too much.


Maybe the only real mistake you did, was making your sexual desire too obvious - maybe you got used to getting what you want and started being uncareful, dontknow?
And then as you did not get what you want your ego got hurt? sounds something like that...

-> take a deep breath
-> say "fuck it"
-> move on, not better and more experienced again?


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Exactly right man. I think she has all kinds of reasons why she rationalized herself out of sex, and continues to do so. They have either been made known to me and just dont make sense, or she's hiding something from me. Either way, it doesn't work for me at this time, so I'll move it along. I'm not planning on spending a lifetime with this girl anyway, so the only thing I stand to lose is a bit of ego. Who needs it anyway haha


----------



## Idontpersonally

damn i just realized this is the wrong thread to be drunk on all night



my bad dude






I wonder if anyone gives more breaks/benefit of the doubt based on looks or is it always the personality. In the case that theyre not making intentions clear and upfront.


Edit* g/fs in bands also, good idea bad idea?


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Just came to a strange realization: I've become emotionally crippled.

And I used to be a goddamn romantic.


----------



## Murmel

Idontpersonally said:


> Edit* g/fs in bands also, good idea bad idea?


Seriously? Why would it be a problem with her being in a band? 

Oh shit I forgot, girls don't play music.


----------



## Genome

So, after having my heart ripped out around last year, 9 months later stuff feels like it's getting back to normal and I feel a hell of a lot better for it.

Just a little message for anyone going through shit right now, time really is a healer.

Don't ever make anyone responsible for your happiness.

Cheers


----------



## 7stringsofdoom

Hey guys, first time posting in this thread.

Anyway, I've been somewhat socially awkward for most of my life. I finally started coming out of my shell a couple of years ago and now have no trouble meeting people and generally being social. Things have especially been looking up recently when I acquired the numbers of a couple of girls. This is where I become socially awkward again: I have no idea what to do now, I haven't gotten to this point before. Any advice on what I should do / say? Your help would be very much appreciated.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Just keep doing what you're doing, it's what got them attracted to you in the first place. We tend to wrench up the tension on ourselves the closer we get to getting what we want, when really the closer we get, the easier it becomes. I let this little principle evade me and it cost me a decent girl recently (a few more details than that, but the overall thought is the same). Don't ever sweat hanging out with a girl, when you start getting nervous and neurotic that's when you mess up. Just realize that what you're doing is obviously working, so why would you stop? good luck man.


----------



## Scattered Messiah

^what he said

just don't try to force anything.
just be authentic, I guess!
a woman will most likely notice if you act something you are not. As long as what you do matches with your "real self" (or, for future experiments, if you are playing the part convincingly enough^^), you can be the stranges wierdo on earth and still attracht women like flies.

the only thing you should be aware of [however not paranoidically] is, when she starts playing "cat and mouse" with you - this is the moment where you should try to turn things around, or at least show her, that you are no toy.
[don't be too easy to get, but easy enough for them to still want it, kinda]

but as long as stuff works well, just keep doing what you do!


----------



## Idontpersonally

Murmel said:


> Seriously? Why would it be a problem with her being in a band?
> 
> Oh shit I forgot, girls don't play music.







I meant your gf in _your_ band to clarify, sry, but regardless of gender dating a musician isnt always easy. I was looking for advice from those who've had or has a gf in their band as far as how to deal with the business/politics etc how to be fair/balanced with music priorities/relationship priorities. that sort of thing.

Tours and road trips for instance, being cramped in a van for weeks could potentially exacerbate any pre-existing issues you have. Im just saying I think for women that sort of thing can be a different experience entirely especially if she also has other jobs within the group. I remember one guy saying his ex is with his drummer which isnt such a big deal but say she was in his band how awkward would that be.

So once you make that call isnt the band/relationship intrinsically linked? 

@7 just be normal. I cant tell you how many girls Ive weirded right out the door. However I think the right girl will like that sort of thing, a good socially awkward one that understands, those are about the only ones I'd go for anymore I hate having to feel like i cant be myself, I can only be normal for so long, if you can hold out fine, but if you know your going spaz eventually bc youve been that way all your life and its like breathing then find a solid spazy girl that will either spaz with you or actually tell you that your being awkward when you dont even realize it. Normal girls are boring and dont treat you like a person ime, . Quality over quantity


----------



## ZeroS1gnol

Ive got a small story to share which is making me feel happy at the moment.

So on saturday I went to a party at a club, which was ridiculously fun by itself, but the amount gorgeous girls at the party was insane. At one moment I was sitting down, got talking to a very good looking girl. We got to the point of adding eachother on facebook. 

So day after I send her a message, asking how her party was (didnt see her anymore that night), she responded, all cool...there was a bit of flirting in the text. So I was like, I dont give a shit, Ill ask her out. Didnt get a response...and here's the anticlimax of this part of the story: I found out she was already taken...on her fb page...FAIL.

However, the story doesnt end here. So some things were happening at the same time. After the party I went to an afterparty and met a lot of cool new people. There was also this girl...

Fast forward, we became friends on FB, got chatting, exchanged numbers, chatted a lot more on the phone, its becoming very clear we are both interested in eachother and voila: -Date-

Now let's see how this all is going to play out...

Thanks for reading.


----------



## MFB

Man, the amount of hot chicks in my Mythology class is fucking astounding. It's almost a 1:1 ratio, which is surprising for my school since there's only about 5 girls in my core classes (animation/game major) but it's probably cause it's an elective


----------



## leandroab

Girlfriend demands std panel.

Fair enough.



Tidbit: We already had plenty of unprotected sex.


----------



## Cynic

>girl was supposed to chill with me yesterday
>girl asks me twice in the same week if we can have a movie day on that day
>i agree
>i text her that day to see if she's still on for it
>no response

why


----------



## xDarkCrisisx

Cynic said:


> >girl was supposed to chill with me yesterday
> >girl asks me twice in the same week if we can have a movie day on that day
> >i agree
> >i text her that day to see if she's still on for it
> >no response
> 
> why



I feel that some people now a days feel socially obligated to always say "yeah sure we should hang out soon, Saturday? Sure!" When they might not want to, but the way you put it seems she initiated the plans with you. I've had this happen to me before and sometimes there are perfectly logical explanations for it, but most of the time (in my case) I found that they make plans with other guys who are more their type, for the lack of a better way of putting it. That was probably just in my case though it might be different for you, sometimes girls can just be ditsy.


----------



## flexkill

Cynic said:


> >girl was supposed to chill with me yesterday
> >girl asks me twice in the same week if we can have a movie day on that day
> >i agree
> >i text her that day to see if she's still on for it
> >no response
> 
> why



Cause your probably better looking than her.....Yeah I seen the pics you little Beiber looking fucker.


----------



## Cynic

xDarkCrisisx said:


> I feel that some people now a days feel socially obligated to always say "yeah sure we should hang out soon, Saturday? Sure!" When they might not want to, but the way you put it seems she initiated the plans with you. I've had this happen to me before and sometimes there are perfectly logical explanations for it, but most of the time (in my case) I found that they make plans with other guys who are more their type, for the lack of a better way of putting it. That was probably just in my case though it might be different for you, sometimes girls can just be ditsy.



If they are more of her type, then why would she make plans with someone less compatible in the first place?  She was all "I'm excited" and talkative one day (she initiated the conversation and was the one to ask me), then "oh nvm can't be decent enough to confirm or deny our plan lol" and flaked on me.



flexkill said:


> Cause your probably better looking than her.....Yeah I seen the pics you little Beiber looking fucker.



Haha hardly, man. I appreciate the thought, though.


----------



## Idontpersonally




----------



## xDarkCrisisx

Cynic said:


> If they are more of her type, then why would she make plans with someone less compatible in the first place?  She was all "I'm excited" and talkative one day (she initiated the conversation and was the one to ask me), then "oh nvm can't be decent enough to confirm or deny our plan lol" and flaked on me.



It seems rude (it is) but people will do it to ya. There probably isn't a good reason for it but I'm speaking from my personal experience.


----------



## xDarkCrisisx

I was this girls best friend for awhile. We had pretty different interests she was the preppy girl who (I thought) was nice and I was the Hispanic guy with long black hair who listened to Death Metal, I was there for her emotionally and shit and I told her I liked her, she said I was the only guy to actually treat her with respect blah blah. I thought things were gonna work out but then she met some random guy with a Jersey Shore tan and gelled hair who had a supped up Subaru with monster logos all over it and started ditching me. But screw her my current girlfriend Plays guitar, hunts/camps and listens to Necrophagist and Dying Fetus


----------



## Bekanor

xDarkCrisisx said:


> I was this girls best friend for awhile. We had pretty different interests she was the preppy girl who (I thought) was nice and I was the Hispanic guy with long black hair who listened to Death Metal, I was there for her emotionally and shit and I told her I liked her, she said I was the only guy to actually treat her with respect blah blah. I thought things were gonna work out but then she met some random guy with a Jersey Shore tan and gelled hair who had a supped up Subaru with monster logos all over it and started ditching me. But screw her my current girlfriend Plays guitar, hunts/camps and listens to Necrophagist and Dying Fetus



They say the best revenge is living well.

They also say that revenge is a dish best served cold. 

You sir, have dished up a plate of frozen fucking awesome. Well done.


----------



## Church2224

Well, I was going to go skating with a girl and a mutual friend on Tuesday, that is not going to happen...

Instead she texted me today and wondered if I would like to swimming with her instead! Texted her for a while about it too, she sounded really excited and was coming off like she really wanted to do this. Plus we might go hiking as this is in a local park. Hopefully I can spend some time with her that night, get some dinner with her and just hang out.


----------



## Albionic

Konfyouzd said:


> I swear I'm cursed...
> 
> It seems like this chick likes me so I guess that's a plus.
> 
> But the more I get to know her the less I like her... I quit.
> 
> She seems to have this habit of just going MIA for a few days and then coming back with wild ridiculous stories as to why she wasn't around...
> 
> Week 1...
> 
> Went MIA for a while and I let it go bc we'd just started talking and I felt like it'd come across rather clingy to sweat her. Plus I haven't dated anyone in forever and kinda don't really give a shit...
> 
> She comes back eventually and tells me that one of her friend's children had slit their wrists and she was dealing with helping out with that. That's pretty crazy and I kinda get it, but she also has 3 kids of her own. I'm not really sure all of that is her responsibility and I don't see how she couldn't have let me know some shit was going down either way...
> 
> But that's not where I have the problem. My problem is this...
> 
> The child went missing at the beginning of the weekend... During the time the child was missing, the mother was going to the club and didn't even tell anyone. That Sunday, the child returned home and the mother beat her for running away or whatever the hell it is she'd done. The chlid THEN slits her wrists under the pretense that her mother doesn't care about her or something...
> 
> This is who she hangs with?
> 
> No bother... I'll try to look past that. Everyone's got that person in their life that for whatever reason just can't get their shit together, right?
> 
> Week 2...
> 
> She asked me, "So when are you gonna cook for me?"
> 
> Sure... I'll do that. She wanted to meet my sister and my niece and she was going to bring her kids so I could meet them. Yes, it's probably early to be meeting family like that and what not, but it was her idea. What's more, the kids are something I'll have to deal with eventually anyway should things actually go well, right? Why not meet them?
> 
> No call... No show...
> 
> I ate my dinner cold with my sister and my best friend who also came over that night (the chick was also supposed to bring down one of her friends who kinda has a thing with my homeboy)...
> 
> Didn't hear from her til maybe halfway through Monday...
> 
> Turns out Saturday night she was out with her cousin doing something... Her cousin wanted to go one place and she wanted to go another... She told the cousin to drop her off at home and just take her car to do whatever she wanted.
> 
> Her cousin had already been drinking and had no license. She also decided that it was a good idea to go to her ex's place and cause a scene. The car gets impounded and they couldn't get it back until lunch time the next day. She claims she couldn't call bc she'd left her phone in the car.
> 
> Against my better judgement I decided I should give her one more shot...
> 
> Week 3...
> 
> She brings her kids down and we all go see the new GI Joe movie. I taught the oldest one how to play a power chord, played video games with the middle one and just talked to the youngest one bc the little one just had millions of questions...
> 
> Everything seemed cool the whole time besides them fuckin' my house up and almost smashing one of my guitars bc they thought that's what rock stars do...
> 
> She's gone MIA again... I feel like whatever I hear this time is going to be the straw that broke the camel's back. I should have quit after the first one honestly. So much for being "understanding"...
> 
> 
> 
> EDIT: Holy fucking shit... Now I know this needs to end. There's no way I should have a list of complaints that long when we're not even a month in!



Run. Run like the wind and never look back.


----------



## Bekanor

Had lunch with a girl last week, she seemed nice but a lot of the time we've been talking since she's been a moody bitch for no reason. My guess is she has some self worth issues and is being a bitch to keep me at arm's length. Mission absolutely accomplished, I deal with moody bitches all day at work I don't want to try and get through that bullshit to date someone. 

Maybe I'll get lucky and the little redhead I really like will be able to make some time to see me. Out of 3 recent possibilities, 1 started seeing someone else, 1 is a bitch and the super cute redhead has been either flat out working or feeding me a bunch of bull to do that thing girls do where they string you along until you get pissed off and stop talking to them so they don't have to feel guilty for blowing you off.


----------



## Idontpersonally

fuck yea redheads

* edit fuck yea new page XD


----------



## Church2224

Man, I just had my heart broken and cried my eyes out.

Oddly enough, it feels so good. Makes me feel human.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Church2224 said:


> Man, I just had my heart broken and cried my eyes out.
> 
> Oddly enough, it feels so good. Makes me feel human.



Feeling for yah mate... Accept this virtual hug (nohomo) 

So at work tonight the new girl comes up to me and "Your single right Michael?"

So after I laugh at the awkwardness... Long story short she wants to set me up with her mate.
After checking out yeh old FB stalk she isnt to bad looking 
Apartnly while the girl at work was telling her about me she mentioned I played guitar, to which she supposedly orgasmed on the spot 

Why am I posting here?
Shes 17, 19 going on 20.
Might not sound like a big age gap to some only being two years, not really to me either... But its the same age as my younger sister... I dunno why but that always puts up a lil block whenever I consider it


----------



## Albionic

Kiwimetal101 said:


> she isnt to bad looking



lol love at first sight you cant beat it.

If things work out don't show her this post


----------



## piggins411

Kiwimetal101 said:


> Feeling for yah mate... Accept this virtual hug (nohomo)
> 
> So at work tonight the new girl comes up to me and "Your single right Michael?"
> 
> So after I laugh at the awkwardness... Long story short she wants to set me up with her mate.
> After checking out yeh old FB stalk she isnt to bad looking
> Apartnly while the girl at work was telling her about me she mentioned I played guitar, to which she supposedly orgasmed on the spot
> 
> Why am I posting here?
> Shes 17, 19 going on 20.
> Might not sound like a big age gap to some only being two years, not really to me either... But its the same age as my younger sister... I dunno why but that always puts up a lil block whenever I consider it



I know what you mean. At that age, an age gap is a little more noticeable. Especially if you're in college and she's in high school


----------



## BlackMastodon

Church2224 said:


> Man, I just had my heart broken and cried my eyes out.
> 
> Oddly enough, it feels so good. Makes me feel human.


I feel for your broseph.
Happens to everyone some time or another, you can't beat yourself up over it. Best thing to do is just let it all out, take your time to mope/grieve, then pick yourself up and dust yourself off.


----------



## ittoa666

Gonna make my first contribution to this thread and say that I got friendzoned so hard that it hurt by the girl of my dreams. 

Looks like I should begin the slow climb out. Wish me luck!


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

*For everyone who's heartbroken, this:*


----------



## Konfyouzd

Recently back on speaking terms w a chick I used to try to date. I have no clue what I ever saw in her. Also... Got laid for the first time in 3 yrs 2 weeks ago. It was so-so... Not worth coming outa retirement--at all.


----------



## Idontpersonally

interesting, i thought i was the only caveman in the thread.... I date based on probability and theory alone. So that leaves me with plenty of time to write music and entertain myself.. The older i get the less interest i have in dating around anyway, but this is my favorite thread for some reason lmao


pretty much this


@ the broken heart guys that shit is so neccessary.









ittoa666 said:


> Gonna make my first contribution to this thread and say that I got friendzoned so hard that it hurt by the girl of my dreams.
> 
> Looks like I should begin the slow climb out. Wish me luck!


good luck





[email protected] butt monkey if you know it's only a quote un quote 'problem' then its no big deal really. If shes officially your girl then the hard part is over, dont smother each other Best thing to do is keep busy no matter what the gf issue, an idle mind is the worse. It's good to miss each other, absence makes the heart grow fonder.


----------



## The Buttmonkey

I'm 17 (18 in 10 days) my gf is 18. She's finishing her freshman year of college. I'm finishing my senior year in high school. I'll be starting college next year.

I have two questions for your consideration.

1. I am far less busy than her (I'm essentially homeschooled, tonnes of free time all the time). We try and see each other every weekend but occasionally, like last weekend she had a lot of homework and volunteered at a hospital, so we couldn't see each other. Do you believe it's worth dating an absolutely amazing girl, the girl of my dreams, if I don't see her very often? Am I selfish for even considering this an issue?

2. Do you think when I start college myself and get really busy this "problem" will solve itself? Because I won't have the time to miss her. Or will I miss her even more. I dunno. I'm looking to people who have experience in matters like this.


----------



## flint757

The Buttmonkey said:


> I'm 17 (18 in 10 days) my gf is 18. She's finishing her freshman year of college. I'm finishing my senior year in high school. I'll be starting college next year.
> 
> I have two questions for your consideration.
> 
> 1. I am far less busy than her (I'm essentially homeschooled, tonnes of free time all the time). We try and see each other every weekend but occasionally, like last weekend she had a lot of homework and volunteered at a hospital, so we couldn't see each other. Do you believe it's worth dating an absolutely amazing girl, the girl of my dreams, if I don't see her very often? Am I selfish for even considering this an issue?
> 
> 2. Do you think when I start college myself and get really busy this "problem" will solve itself? Because I won't have the time to miss her. Or will I miss her even more. I dunno. I'm looking to people who have experience in matters like this.



I think the problem will resolve itself a bit. When you have nothing better to do to fill your time and you're in a relationship most people reach to their lover for one-on-one time. If you are more free than she is these feelings you have rise up. If you become more busy it is bound to go away. It would only be an issue if y'all are both busy and free at different times from each other.

If she is amazing then it is worth the struggle. College isn't a forever thing and there are always breaks plus free time to at least talk.

All comes down to how much you can put up with.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

so i did a favor and helped out one of my professors in her class today (it was an excuse to dress up nicely) and a young lady who also helping introduced herself to me. she is very forward and flirtatious. 

the following is my internal dialog: 
"hey there, you're pretty cute... kinda weird you have the same name of the girl who i lost my virginity to, nice boobs tho... wow women do go crazy over a sharp dressed man... hmmm she seems pretty much willing to jump a fence post, girl wants the D..... wait... you're what year? this is your last semester of your freshman year? so you were born in 1995? fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu----- no wonder you're so easy to impress! you barely even know how to be fantastic in bed and the fact im making you wet with my low baritone means you're pretty much an easy lay... you're 3 years younger than my little brother--- yeah you do kinda smell nice, and boobs still look good.... sure i'll teach how to speak in a better broadcast voice, with my di... god i feel like a pedophile." 

its one of those damned if you do, your balls will be blue if you don't situations


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Its all good man. You remember what it's like having sex with an 18 year old? Son.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

glassmoon0fo said:


> Its all good man. You remember what it's like having sex with an 18 year old? Son.



barely  in 5 years i've consumed a lot of whiskey man


----------



## BlackMastodon

The Buttmonkey said:


> I'm 17 (18 in 10 days) my gf is 18. She's finishing her freshman year of college. I'm finishing my senior year in high school. I'll be starting college next year.
> 
> I have two questions for your consideration.
> 
> 1. I am far less busy than her (I'm essentially homeschooled, tonnes of free time all the time). We try and see each other every weekend but occasionally, like last weekend she had a lot of homework and volunteered at a hospital, so we couldn't see each other. Do you believe it's worth dating an absolutely amazing girl, the girl of my dreams, if I don't see her very often? Am I selfish for even considering this an issue?
> 
> 2. Do you think when I start college myself and get really busy this "problem" will solve itself? Because I won't have the time to miss her. Or will I miss her even more. I dunno. I'm looking to people who have experience in matters like this.



When you start college you'll both be busy so it should resolve itself. As long as you are both happy with it and can deal with space (some space is healthy, you don't need to be attached at the hip) then there is nothing wrong. As you get older you're gonna get busier, but you'll find time. Quit overthinking it and enjoy being young.


----------



## asher

The Buttmonkey said:


> I'm 17 (18 in 10 days) my gf is 18. She's finishing her freshman year of college. I'm finishing my senior year in high school. I'll be starting college next year.
> 
> I have two questions for your consideration.
> 
> 1. I am far less busy than her (I'm essentially homeschooled, tonnes of free time all the time). We try and see each other every weekend but occasionally, like last weekend she had a lot of homework and volunteered at a hospital, so we couldn't see each other. Do you believe it's worth dating an absolutely amazing girl, the girl of my dreams, if I don't see her very often? Am I selfish for even considering this an issue?
> 
> 2. Do you think when I start college myself and get really busy this "problem" will solve itself? Because I won't have the time to miss her. Or will I miss her even more. I dunno. I'm looking to people who have experience in matters like this.



Speaking from personal experience of going into college while in my highschool relationship (we're the same year, but she went to NY): it's totally doable but it needs a good deal of commitment and active effort to maintain. I know people that have done it, but we both kinda let it be loose and a lot of drift set in. My take's that you really gotta be into it or it will (eventually, at least) come apart if there's distance involved.


----------



## That_One_Person

One of my good friends is a dead match for Faye Reagan. I had no idea where else to put this. Noticed it yesterday while recovering from my jaw surgery. Needless to say, I can't look at her the same way anymore.


----------



## Idontpersonally

wtf i could, i fuckin love that girl..and freckles... she got freckles??


----------



## The Buttmonkey

asher said:


> Speaking from personal experience of going into college while in my highschool relationship (we're the same year, but she went to NY): it's totally doable but it needs a good deal of commitment and active effort to maintain. I know people that have done it, but we both kinda let it be loose and a lot of drift set in. My take's that you really gotta be into it or it will (eventually, at least) come apart if there's distance involved.



She goes to college in the middle of Atlanta and my school should be right outside the perimeter so 30 minutes apart at most. And our houses are less than ten minutes drive from each other. Not all that much literal distance


----------



## That_One_Person

Idontpersonally said:


> wtf i could, i fuckin love that girl..and freckles... she got freckles??



Oh yes.


----------



## The Buttmonkey

That_One_Person said:


> Oh yes.




You should tell her, "Hay you look like Faye Reagan! Wanna get together some time and do what she does?"


----------



## Idontpersonally

Ive actually done this, Tera wray is a beast too and i met a broad with a similar name that sent tits but gtfo when i asked for the puto...erm she didnt look like tera wray though, The line was something like "youre my tera wray..." cant remember the rest but it kinda worked..

Honestly, the more porn i watch the more i feel like the girls i run into a look some girl i saw in porn...Could just be my imagination....


----------



## asher

The Buttmonkey said:


> She goes to college in the middle of Atlanta and my school should be right outside the perimeter so 30 minutes apart at most. And our houses are less than ten minutes drive from each other. Not all that much literal distance



Ah, that should help a lot then. I wouldn't sweat it too much I don't think.


----------



## ASoC

That_One_Person said:


> One of my good friends is a dead match for Faye Reagan. I had no idea where else to put this. Noticed it yesterday while recovering from my jaw surgery. Needless to say, I can't look at her the same way anymore.



You best be hitting that. Or even better introducing me


----------



## TheDuatAwaits

My girlfriend stayed at an ex-boyfriends house last night, with one of his and and my gf's close female friend.

Don't know how I feel about this.


----------



## ASoC

Just got through planning a hook up and I must say, it's a bit weird. Usually when I get some, it's a spur of the moment type deal and it just sort of happens on it's own. But this chick with a pretty nice body asked if I wanted to do the deed and I said yes. We proceeded to plan out where I'm picking her up and where we're going and all that. I have to say, knowing exactly how, when, where, and what before hand is a bit strange


----------



## asher

ASoC said:


> Just got through planning a hook up and I must say, it's a bit weird. Usually when I get some, it's a spur of the moment type deal and it just sort of happens on it's own. But this chick with a pretty nice body asked if I wanted to do the deed and I said yes. We proceeded to plan out where I'm picking her up and where we're going and all that. I have to say, knowing exactly how, when, where, and what before hand is a bit strange



Haha yup.

Mine's been a bit more lax than that, but in short form: a friend there's for a good while been that kind of connection/pull with, and some drunken flirting, but at least one of us has always been not-single. Till February, and then I broke up with my girlfriend of... two years and four months. Cue a bunch of drunken flirting stuff at a party later and me walking her home. There was some sorta awkward time-killing, which ended up being two player Settlers of Catan (protip: super derp, never play with 2 people) before we got around to stuff, which flowed out pretty well once the distractions went away 

Setting up the "let's hang out and watch movies or something" the next free weekend, though, that felt kinda weird. So did the start of that. But these things work themselves out, so try not to worry too much about it if you can 

As far as my situation, we've been actually talking for the last couple weeks as well as continuing to watch stuff and drink and screw. It's been refreshingly really fun.. partly because she is, also because my last relationship had gotten very stale and was effectively pretty dead long before I went ahead and ended it.


----------



## BIG ND SWEATY

levijaymz said:


> My girlfriend stayed at an ex-boyfriends house last night, with one of his and and my gf's close female friend.
> 
> Don't know how I feel about this.



no offence but your girlfriend seems like a fuck, from wanting to "honor" her friend by doing that shit in the mall to this. in all honesty i wouldnt be letting that shit happen.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

I wouldn't be letting that happen, either. She should know that there are boundaries you just don't cross, and to even think that sleeping over at an ex's place is acceptable is disrespectful to you.


----------



## flint757

That is really dependent on how close everybody is, how trustworthy she is and what kind of relationship the couple has. It is not universally bad news or a bad thing for someone to stay at an ex's house....but it is a good rule of thumb.  There was someone else there and I presume there was a reason and it wasn't just a spontaneous "I'm going to sleep at my ex's". In other words there is a back story that would makes this situation better or worse.


----------



## TheDuatAwaits

Well I stopped her from doing what I said about on Friday, she said she only stayed over there was because she didn't have a ride home and it was late. I asked her why she didn't call me? She responded "I didn't think you would pick me up." 

She also said she would make it up to me somehow, she didn't give any details. So, we'll see. 



BIG ND SWEATY said:


> no offence but your girlfriend seems like a fuck, from wanting to "honor" her friend by doing that shit in the mall to this. in all honesty i wouldnt be letting that shit happen.



Yeah, sometimes she doesn't think before she speaks. and no offence taken.


----------



## Heroin

well, the girl who I went on a date with broke up with me today. I have no idea why, I thought we were fine and everything was like   but she just told me she didn't want to be in a relationship. Apparently I wasn't seeing her enough either, I was just giving her some space. I said I wanted see her a lot more and I would try my hardest to make things work, but she just insisted us being friends. I know I did something wrong but she didn't tell me.

fuck I'm sad boys  I really felt something for this girl too. what's even worse is that she's in my guitar class, which I don't think I'm going to anymore.

I guess the only thing I can do now is mend my broken heart, smoke cannabis and play guitar.


----------



## Yimmj

Heroin said:


> I guess the only thing I can do now is mend my broken heart, smoke cannabis and play guitar.


^^^
Word. 

Sorry to hear about your shitty luck, she doesnt seem like shes worth the broken heart! my last girlfriend was alot like this, i was super into her, but didnt want to look clingy, even though she tried to avoid me :/ keep your head up!


----------



## Scattered Messiah

interesting times...

Ingredient one: I currently have a sorta semi open relationship going on with 2 girls, a totally crazy thing. I still don't fully understand, how this happened, but it's been going on for almost a month now ... it's like the perfect triangle, no unhealthy amount of jelaousy, good friendship and good sex, common interests and together we are like a natural force 

Ingredient two:
On my way to messe, I met a really cute/hot physic student [we shared a ticket], whos studying in Munich, too.
We started talking, and pretty much were flirting for the whole trip [4 hours].
Somewhere in the conversation she let drop, that she hasn't had a boyfriend yet and I was like "Yeah, ofc - and I am Tosin Abasi  " ... Shes far too hot, the flirt was far too intensive/interesting and her personality did not necessarily seem nerdy/ socially inept.
So for me, I decided to make a project of finding out more - since it's practically impossible to be true, except if there is a really huge flaw hidden somewhere 


however since meeting the girl, I find myself not being 100% into my current relationship(s), like if I was distracted. I feel pretty guilty, as it's a fantasy alive, more or less, and there is not one thing I would want to improve upon this situation ...

I feel like a professional ERG player, trying to figure out how to play an E- on a sixstring again ...
So I decided to meet my physic student on friday, we'll go to a party and maybe then I know what's going on with me - and what's the fault with her xDD


really anxious, to see what this turns into





Edit:


Heroin said:


> well, the girl who I went on a date with broke up with me today. I have no idea why, I thought we were fine and everything was like   but she just told me she didn't want to be in a relationship. Apparently I wasn't seeing her enough either, I was just giving her some space. I said I wanted see her a lot more and I would try my hardest to make things work, but she just insisted us being friends. I know I did something wrong but she didn't tell me.
> 
> fuck I'm sad boys  I really felt something for this girl too. what's even worse is that she's in my guitar class, which I don't think I'm going to anymore.
> 
> I guess the only thing I can do now is mend my broken heart, smoke cannabis and play guitar.


Stuff like that always sucks. The best thing you can do about it, in my experience, it to focus on something other for a short while - and after you have calmed down a little [maybe even after 30mins of playing the guitar or whatever], try to analyze the situation. try to be objective (works better with time), learn something from the situation and move on. Keep doing your stuff, get out to meet new people and spent time with good friends! keep the guitar class and after some healing and if she really is cool and interesting, build up a friendship with her. That way you learn a lot about yourself, and have gained a rather hot chick as friend [having someone like this ALWAYS helps].
Often girls don't really know why they do something, cause it's just through some unconcious impulses.
Sometimes they don't wanna tell you, which either means, that you matter to her (and she doesn't want to harm you] or they don't know 
It's totally possible you did not do anything wrong .... stuff like this just happens (one person getting emotionally attached, the other one not), it's fucking frustrating but nearly unsolvable.
With time you'll learn to get emotionally attached less fast, which kinda solves this stuff by itself - as the girls don't loose interest as fast, and you don't get harmed as quickly.
Plus, if it's been only a date, and shes so upfront about it: props to her, for not playing some manipulative shit on you!

*internethug*


----------



## Idontpersonally

Dude fuck yea @ sacred. Love an interesting triangle story when it's not all about butt sex. Please keep us updated. I would have went into my experience [3yrs] but i doubted anyone would have believed me Does sound like some fantasy type thing.

Real quick though, my thing was for a while it seemed like every girl i talked to was talking to about 2 guys who of course were talking to 2 girls etc so on.. so then if the 2 you were talking to/dating liked each other and you took it to the next level still people will say it's not a legit relationship when ones bi or that youre being' shared', i think it comes down to the guy really, Youre saying your current relationship couldnt fit this new physics girl right? It would be unbalanced? Pretty sure i sabotaged mine cause i just didnt want to believe it myself and i could never give both of them 100%and _always _felt guilty ..Not that I need advice or anything cause i know what i did wrong but I was thinking about doing it again in the future but like you said its something that has to happen you cant really plan stuff like that out, My case they were 15 years apart and complete opposites in the zodiac water/fire[ which i think was the balancing issue] which will probably never happen again but anyway yea man i say go for it without the emotion keep it mechanical as long as possible worse thing you can do is compare them all




Thats what i did but i was just trying to make sense of things also.


----------



## RevelGTR

So, weird thing. I went on four or five dates with this girl and hung out a few times. Nothin serious just the usual casual stuff. Anyway so a couple weeks ago she gave me the "I need time/it's not you it's me/ blah blah blah shtick. Normally with a thing like this, I move on no problem, and within a week I'm hanging out with another chick. But I'm actually kind if bothered by this one. I have no idea why! I actually kinda miss this girl. Anyone else have stuff like this? What's the deal?


----------



## Rustee

I got some awesome news the other day. To quickly put it into context - when I was on a trip to America late last year, I met a girl, and we spent a crazy week together. It was the most fun I'd had in so long. When the time came to go back home, we had a big talk about the future and we decided that we'd do our best to make what we had work. It's been a dream of hers to move to Australia, apparently. As of yesterday, it's been exactly 4 months since that week.

A few days ago, Haley found out that she'd been accepted into a study abroad program here in Australia, and she'll be living in the same city as me for a semester! Words cannot describe, fellas.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

WSchaferJR said:


> So, weird thing. I went on four or five dates with this girl and hung out a few times. Nothin serious just the usual casual stuff. Anyway so a couple weeks ago she gave me the "I need time/it's not you it's me/ blah blah blah shtick. Normally with a thing like this, I move on no problem, and within a week I'm hanging out with another chick. But I'm actually kind if bothered by this one. I have no idea why! I actually kinda miss this girl. Anyone else have stuff like this? What's the deal?


 
You just like her man, no big deal. Honestly, the best thing you can do in this situation is exactly what you said you usually do, go out and meet some new women. If there's any attraction on her end (I'm sure you already know if there really is or not), it demonstrates your value she'll feel more of a need to compete for you. Plus, if she isn't insterested, it'll help get your mind off of her. Just to say though, nothing like getting set aside to ramp up your attraction for someone, it's simple rules of engagement type stuff. So set HER aside and see if anything happens.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Australian girls are gorgeous. I want to go so bad I feel like australia is taking over the internet. I've talked to girls online for months that were super cool hot and down to earth then find out there way the fuck over there  My sister studied abroad over there all her friends were ffiiine


----------



## That_One_Person

It seems like I am becoming a regular of this thread haha. Whatever, you are all good people.  I wanted to see what you guys thought about something strange that happened in one of my classes recently. So picture this, forum hall, I always sit at the top with some friends. Well some girls took all the remaining seats so I had to sit a row down far right. In comes this girl who is a friend of a friend. She initially goes to the far left of the row because that is closer to said group of friends, but then turns around and walks all the way around to come sit right next to me. Right next to me. There was 5 spaces between me and the next person to my left, but she sat right next to me.


----------



## Bekanor

Cute girl came to my place yesterday soliciting donations for Red Cross. Chatted her up and hit her up for her number. 

I didn't get it but I felt like a boss flirting with a complete stranger, even though she was just trying to get my money.


----------



## Church2224

I decided to make a change in my clothing style and walked into class today wearing a nice shirt, nicer shoes, some scruff on my face and my hair combed nicely.

One of the two hot girls in the class yells "Oh my god Kev you look so cute!!!" Sat next to her today, might ask her out next week. Why the fuck not?


----------



## Bekanor

Go for it Boss Kev.


----------



## -42-

Church2224 said:


> I decided to make a change in my clothing style and walked into class today wearing a nice shirt, nicer shoes, some scruff on my face and my hair combed nicely.
> 
> One of the two hot girls in the class yells "Oh my god Kev you look so cute!!!" Sat next to her today, might ask her out next week. Why the fuck not?


If you need fashion advice hit me up on PM or facebook dude. You are literally a haircut and change of clothes away from being ten times more attractive.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Church2224 said:


> I decided to make a change in my clothing style and walked into class today wearing a nice shirt, nicer shoes, some scruff on my face and my hair combed nicely.
> 
> One of the two hot girls in the class yells "Oh my god Kev you look so cute!!!" Sat next to her today, might ask her out next week. Why the fuck not?


----------



## Church2224

-42- said:


> If you need fashion advice hit me up on PM or facebook dude. You are literally a haircut and change of clothes away from being ten times more attractive.



lol what can you do with this? My hair is MUCH better in person imho.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Church2224 said:


> I decided to make a change in my clothing style and walked into class today wearing a nice shirt, nicer shoes, some scruff on my face and my hair combed nicely.
> 
> One of the two hot girls in the class yells "Oh my god Kev you look so cute!!!" Sat next to her today, might ask her out next week. Why the fuck not?


Good choice. Makes a world of difference dude when you take care of yourself and mind how you look.


----------



## JEngelking

That_One_Person said:


> One of my good friends is a dead match for Faye Reagan. I had no idea where else to put this. Noticed it yesterday while recovering from my jaw surgery. Needless to say, I can't look at her the same way anymore.





Church2224 said:


> I decided to make a change in my clothing style and walked into class today wearing a nice shirt, nicer shoes, some scruff on my face and my hair combed nicely.
> 
> One of the two hot girls in the class yells "Oh my god Kev you look so cute!!!" Sat next to her today, might ask her out next week. Why the fuck not?



I make my first post in this thread to tell the both of you...


----------



## asher

Church2224 said:


> lol what can you do with this? My hair is MUCH better in person imho.
> 
> *snip*



Quite a bit actually.


----------



## asher

That_One_Person said:


> It seems like I am becoming a regular of this thread haha. Whatever, you are all good people.  I wanted to see what you guys thought about something strange that happened in one of my classes recently. So picture this, forum hall, I always sit at the top with some friends. Well some girls took all the remaining seats so I had to sit a row down far right. In comes this girl who is a friend of a friend. She initially goes to the far left of the row because that is closer to said group of friends, but then turns around and walks all the way around to come sit right next to me. Right next to me. There was 5 spaces between me and the next person to my left, but she sat right next to me.



.... and how did class go? Sounds like something to run with to me!


----------



## -42-

Church2224 said:


> lol what can you do with this? My hair is MUCH better in person imho.



What you need more than anything else is a new pair of pants. The loose fitting jeans may have worked for you in the past but what you need are tighter fitting, more flattering jeans. Slim fit or skinny (not super skinny) jeans in blue and black will go with just about anything. Also, I'm not sure what you have in the way of t-shirts but graphic ts are a no no unless the designs on them are understated or have a lot of artistic mojo. Avoid bulky clothes. 

As far as hair goes consider parting it one way or the other, nothing greased over or anything, though product can keep it in check if it isn't cooperative. Unless it's a fancy date/job interview you don't want it to look like you put a ton of effort into you hair. Have a barber/stylist take a look at your hair and see what's up.

Also ditch the tennis shoes, they're practical but they're also ugly as sin. Get some boat shoes/wingtips for dressy days and some vans/converse/toms for more casual days.

Avoid headwear unless it's cold outside, if you have a nice haircut then you should have no reason to wear a hat.


----------



## That_One_Person

asher said:


> .... and how did class go? Sounds like something to run with to me!



We had a test that day. I haven't been back many times since then because of a surgery I just had and health issues related to it.


----------



## Church2224

-42- said:


> What you need more than anything else is a new pair of pants. The loose fitting jeans may have worked for you in the past but what you need are tighter fitting, more flattering jeans. Slim fit or skinny (not super skinny) jeans in blue and black will go with just about anything. Also, I'm not sure what you have in the way of t-shirts but graphic ts are a no no unless the designs on them are understated or have a lot of artistic mojo. Avoid bulky clothes.
> 
> As far as hair goes consider parting it one way or the other, nothing greased over or anything, though product can keep it in check if it isn't cooperative. Unless it's a fancy date/job interview you don't want it to look like you put a ton of effort into you hair. Have a barber/stylist take a look at your hair and see what's up.
> 
> Also ditch the tennis shoes, they're practical but they're also ugly as sin. Get some boat shoes/wingtips for dressy days and some vans/converse/toms for more casual days.
> 
> Avoid headwear unless it's cold outside, if you have a nice haircut then you should have no reason to wear a hat.



Thanks man, think I got a good idea as to what I need to do. I got compliments on the hair, so Idk if that needs to change. I am going to have my lady friends take me out to help me pic new clothes, see what they can do as well


----------



## -42-

Be wary, assuming women have good fashion sense can be a grave mistake. Still, it's best to go out shopping with friends when you're still uncertain as to what looks good on you and you need a second opinion.


----------



## Kidneythief

After my last "failure" I just basicly said "Whatever" and didn't really care about relationships, or meeting girls anywhere.

Out of nowhere an old "ex" told me that she has a friend who lives near me, and that she is single at the time, and that she thinks that we should get to know each other. So I find her on facebook, and after a couple of days of "stalking" I write her a PM. We have been talking ever since, and are going to meet today to grab some ice-cream.
*fingers-crossed*

One "concern" though, and a question (sort of).
Are you guys superstitious? I mean this in a sence concerning zodiac signs. She is Leo and I'm Pisces. I always pay attention to these signs since I had some bad experiences in the past (creepy that it is true, but still).
And supposedly Pisces and Leo don't mix well...
or am I just overthinking?


----------



## Genome

Don't pay any attention to it, as it is bullshit.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Kidneythief said:


> After my last "failure" I just basicly said "Whatever" and didn't really care about relationships, or meeting girls anywhere.
> 
> Out of nowhere an old "ex" told me that she has a friend who lives near me, and that she is single at the time, and that she thinks that we should get to know each other. So I find her on facebook, and after a couple of days of "stalking" I write her a PM. We have been talking ever since, and are going to meet today to grab some ice-cream.
> *fingers-crossed*
> 
> One "concern" though, and a question (sort of).
> Are you guys superstitious? I mean this in a sence concerning zodiac signs. She is Leo and I'm Pisces. I always pay attention to these signs since I had some bad experiences in the past (creepy that it is true, but still).
> And supposedly Pisces and Leo don't mix well...
> or am I just overthinking?


 
First thing, as i always say, NEVER assign any of your past "failures" to your own personality or self-worth. The concept of failure is as human-made as the concept of time, or win-lose, or anything else we've made up and doesn't have anything to do with you as a person. As a matter of fact, percieved failures are a great thing because you can learn from them and do things better the next time around, just ask successful people. Typically, those with the most success have also had the most failure and have taken the liberty of learning from it. Those who don't try much consider their failures to be monumental and usually assign them much more meaning than they need to. So fuck failure man!

Second, fuck astrology too. I LOVE astrology, have an app on my phone for it and everything because sometimes the shit is eerily on point and sometimes I just like to see a point of view based on my personality type that usually isn't a bad idea. But, I'm an aquarius and my current two interests are virgo and cancer, both of them are the absoloute worst astrological matches for me and I'm still bustin all kinds of nuts. Settle down and be cool, and you'll be gold man


----------



## Kidneythief

So we went yesterday for a walk. Couldn't get ice-cream, because turns out she is lactose intollerant...FML so much for that plan.

So we headed to a mall to grab some chinese, after that just walked around the city for a bit. Went to stores, I have never seen people look at me in that much envy when we were in a game store, and she goes on bragging about her World of Warcraft characters. Poor geeks.
Then we went on to a park and settled on a bench. And in about a half hour the next thing I realized ist that we are sitting together almost cuddling.

I guess so much for single life 

She is an interesting girl. Studies biology at University and wants to move to Australia () because she has family that lives there and could help her(maybe "us") if we go out. We like the same movies, almost the same music. We've got a lot of things in common. I can't wait to see where this is going.


----------



## mcd

Kidneythief said:


> I can't wait to see where this is going.





but seriously happy for you bro


----------



## ittoa666

So I can't get my mind over this chick I work with (posted earlier a couple pages back). Unfortunately she's in a relationship with some douche which I always seem to forget about, and I just can't get my head around her. I already know she's dead set on that guy and fortunately we're very good friends, but I am so unbelievably in love that when I think of never being with her or losing her friendship my stomach turns in knots. 

Any advice or words would be very welcome.


----------



## ZEBOV

More than anything, I'm just venting here, but if you want to add your opinion, go for it:
So on 4/20, I was at a rave, and some girl started grinding her ass on my dick, so I started grinding my dick on her ass. About 30-45 minutes later, I grabbed her ass, and I couldn't believe how she reacted. She said "Don't grab my ass! That was so rude! Don't you have any manners? Like, I don't even know what to say. You can hug me, kiss me on the cheek, gently bite me, but don't grab my ass! I just can't believe you did that. I feel violated." I stared at her with my jaw dropped open. When I was able to make myself say something, I said "We need to go outside."
After getting outside where it was quieter (still with plenty of people around), I let her have it. "Do you have Asperger's disorder?"
"I don't know what that is."
"It's a form of autism. You can perform normal functions like any normal person, but you're pretty much socially retarded. Not mentally. Just socially. The few other people I've known with Asperger's make as much sense as you just did, which is NONE!"
"I never invited you to grab my ass!"
"YOU DEFINITELY INVITED ME TO GRAB YOUR ASS! YOU JUST RUBBED IT ALL OVER MY DICK! SO YOU'RE OK WITH MY DICK BEING ALL OVER YOUR ASS BUT NOT MY HANDS?!"
"......It was just dancing."
"No, that's how you get some dick! If you don't want it, don't dance like that! Now you need to start seeing a psychologist. I'm very convinced that something is wrong in your head, and you need to get help. You probably have Asperger's. You also need to learn how to dance. You looked like you were having a seizure while standing and you jammed my e-cig into my throat."

A couple of hours later, she got too drunk to drive and asked me to take her home. She told me where she lived, and I said "I can take you to the afterparty which is on the way. Your house is more than twice as far." She said, "I can't go. I have to be at church tomorrow." I said "I feel dumber after meeting you." And I walked away and went to the afterparty, and then the after-afterparty, and then the after-after-afterparty.

EDIT: I figured this was the best thread I could post this is since love and relationships tends to involve sex and it wasn't worth starting a new thread for. Otherwise I never post here because girls in and around Memphis are either ugly, stupid, insane, or a combination of two or all three of those. Sane, smart, and pretty girls don't exist here.


----------



## That_One_Person

Zebov, you never disappoint.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

@ Zebov 
That fucks me off two man.. Spend all night thinking your getting somewhere "Sorry my boyfriend is here to pick me up" is the worst.

My mate took a lady home one night to do the dirty, she got up the next morning and rushed out telling his mum on the way that she had to get to church, and then tried to trap him into a relationship after that "My dads the pastor of the church he's gonna kill you for sleeping with me unless we start going out"... Bitches be craycray


----------



## ZEBOV

It's not completely my fault that I never disappoint. I'm a product of this place  I wouldn't trade who I am for anything though. One way or another, I will never be forgotten. Some of my friends compare me to Nicolas Cage.


----------



## leandroab

Kiwimetal101 said:


> Bitches be craycray





I wonder how that would sound like with NZ accent.


----------



## Metal_Webb

leandroab said:


> I wonder how that would sound like with NZ accent.



Betchus bay croycroy


----------



## Idontpersonally

Could be a region thing. Reminds me of this pic though... Some girls are weird like that though some girls will fuck around with guys they dont really like and make a guy wait that they do like. Weirdest shit i ever heard this dudes ex w/e would only allow him certain positions bc she didnt want him to think she was a whore. *shrug*

and damn that's cray @ kiwi


----------



## Church2224

-42- said:


> Be wary, assuming women have good fashion sense can be a grave mistake. Still, it's best to go out shopping with friends when you're still uncertain as to what looks good on you and you need a second opinion.



Yeah, I have one woman friend who has an incredible sense of style and fashion who is going to help me out. She has been giving me some compliments every time I dress up, even today 

Nothing boosts the confidence like a gorgeous woman going "Oh my god I love your outfit!"


----------



## Church2224

Also, a thought for the day...

I was talking to a friend of mine, really attractive girl. Her and I were talking about relationships and a situation I was in recently in which a beautiful friend of mine, who I love dearly, did not want to get into a relationship with me right now, and then was not talking to me for a bit. (That ended a couple of days ago, now we are talking again, thank Christ) I was asking for some advice on the situation. 

She mentioned that sometimes when women have incredible guys in their lives, mainly in their teens and early twenties, they often do not want to go out with them. This girl I was talking to, Alex, said she has a friend of hers who she thinks the world of and knows for a fact that he would never do anything to hurt her, but she refuses to go out with him. Why?

Well, she said she knows if she dated him, she would get attached to him, and he would get attached to her. That relationship would last a long time, but the problem is if it were to ever end, both of them would be emotionally devastated and it would take some time for both of them to recover from it and it would ruin what they had before. So instead she has dated some losers and assholes for a while because she could have some fun with them, but when it ends, she can get over it quickly and move on to the next man easily. So it is like a sub conscious defense mechanism to protect their emotions. Now I know, why do women not go after a good guy first? Well, it could still be the idea that women are trying to protect themselves in the long run. Science only knows what could happen...

Thoughts?


----------



## MFB

You (or I should say, she) answered the question. She doesn't want to get attached so yes, it is a defense mechanism. 

I mean, heaven forbid you try and make an honest connection with someone and let yourself get ...ATTACHED!


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Everything Church said is true, and it's a goddamned headtrip. Women know for a fact that they make no sense, so don't play their games. Honestly, it was the biggest revelation of my dating life when i realized that to be given the time of day, you have to not buy in to what women say they want, because they have no fucking clue what that is  

If all the good men waited around like trained puppies while every wigger, dope boy and bro was steady banging out all the good women, do you think they'd still be attracted to us? Better still, do you think that if we went around banging skanks and keeping the good women at bay, would they still wait for us, and would it be the same when we finally let them in? Ask a woman those questions and see what they say, then post for the lulz. 

I sound like a dick sometimes, but the human mating ritual is fascinatingly fucked up and I'm just learning how to deal.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I hate my drummer sometimes... That is all...


----------



## Konfyouzd

glassmoon0fo said:


> Everything Church said is true, and it's a goddamned headtrip. Women know for a fact that they make no sense, so don't play their games. Honestly, it was the biggest revelation of my dating life when i realized that to be given the time of day, you have to not buy in to what women say they want, because they have no fucking clue what that is
> 
> If all the good men waited around like trained puppies while every wigger, dope boy and bro was steady banging out all the good women, do you think they'd still be attracted to us? Better still, do you think that if we went around banging skanks and keeping the good women at bay, would they still wait for us, and would it be the same when we finally let them in? Ask a woman those questions and see what they say, then post for the lulz.
> 
> I sound like a dick sometimes, but the human mating ritual is fascinatingly fucked up and I'm just learning how to deal.


 
You only sound like a dick if women are listening. They hate to be called out.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Edit
Yup @all 3. . My thing is older women man. It's like either pick two from the triangle or go older and things clear up a bit. That's really my advice for any gf problem.. If you are into older women even just slightly, go for it. You get the head games every now and then, but they've been through that im afraid to get attached stage so that's usually about as far as that goes. Then they get down to business which is what i like, im and all or nothing kind of dude which is why girls my age seem to run from me but i can talk to milfs all day. (ie: texting rule#1 dont try to get to know a person through texting) well this is true but only for younger girls. This milf writes me paragraphs lmao no one does that... young girls give you one or two words a week. Fuck ive never heard a girl admit that though. Im not a romantic but not necessarily jaded from all the bs relationships ive been in. Somewhere in between kind of where older women are especially if theyve been divorced but arent stressed or anxious.. Just loves 'em...


----------



## Church2224

glassmoon0fo said:


> Everything Church said is true, and it's a goddamned headtrip. Women know for a fact that they make no sense, so don't play their games. Honestly, it was the biggest revelation of my dating life when i realized that to be given the time of day, you have to not buy in to what women say they want, because they have no fucking clue what that is
> 
> If all the good men waited around like trained puppies while every wigger, dope boy and bro was steady banging out all the good women, do you think they'd still be attracted to us? Better still, do you think that if we went around banging skanks and keeping the good women at bay, would they still wait for us, and would it be the same when we finally let them in? Ask a woman those questions and see what they say, then post for the lulz.
> 
> I sound like a dick sometimes, but the human mating ritual is fascinatingly fucked up and I'm just learning how to deal.



So my question is, what do us good guys need to do ? Because if that is true, you might as well bury me six feet under right now, it is not worth all that pain and hardship...


----------



## ZEBOV

Idontpersonally said:


> Could be a region thing. Reminds me of this pic though... Some girls are weird like that though some girls will fuck around with guys they dont really like and make a guy wait that they do like. Weirdest shit i ever heard this dudes ex w/e would only allow him certain positions bc she didnt want him to think she was a whore. *shrug*
> 
> and damn that's cray @ kiwi



This is definitely a regional problem. People I've known who either grew up over 100 miles away from here or grew up here and moved away have all said the same thing: girls here are just batshit crazy. There's a reason why I have an ex-brother-in-law. My sister is crazy, and he married the less crazy sister. As for my crazier sister, she's lucky her last ex didn't shoot her when she rammed him off the road. If someone ever kills her, I'm taking their side.
Crazy girls are a huge fucking problem here. I'll be single forever if I don't move away from here.


----------



## Idontpersonally

@ zeb yea man hits so close to home i know what you mean cause you dont want that to be your normal, crazy girls can really fuck a guy up [me anyway ]but everyone has their own brand of crazy. What's fuckin me up is trying to adapt to certain peoples crazy or lack thereof. Like i cant do violent crazy bc been there done that not cool. I can do spaced out crazy bc im out there but not drama crazy. Either way i guess my point is all the normal girls are running from me which i feel like i need at least one around for the sake balance, but all the crazy ones have different types of crazy that it's kind of like well do i accept her for who she is or reject them like a normal person would... Thats pretty much where ive been at for like 3 yrs... Literally the last 3 girls i have talked to, just talked to, have, been smart/violent crazy/attractive... Theres always a shitload we have in common and 2 major things i dont like and a foreign crazy.. literally one after the other but theyre not all from my city, my city is mostly drama crazy average looks/intelligence, but yea im def gtfo here.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Church2224 said:


> So my question is, what do us good guys need to do ? Because if that is true, you might as well bury me six feet under right now, it is not worth all that pain and hardship...


Stop worrying and go with the flow.


----------



## piggins411

ZEBOV said:


> This is definitely a regional problem. People I've known who either grew up over 100 miles away from here or grew up here and moved away have all said the same thing: girls here are just batshit crazy. There's a reason why I have an ex-brother-in-law. My sister is crazy, and he married the less crazy sister. As for my crazier sister, she's lucky her last ex didn't shoot her when she rammed him off the road. If someone ever kills her, I'm taking their side.
> Crazy girls are a huge fucking problem here. I'll be single forever if I don't move away from here.



Now that you mention it, I know a girl from Memphis who is batshit insane


----------



## ZEBOV

piggins411 said:


> Now that you mention it, I know a girl from Memphis who is batshit insane



OMG, TELL US ABOUT HER!
This is gonna be good.


----------



## Murmel

ittoa666 said:


> So I can't get my mind over this chick I work with (posted earlier a couple pages back). Unfortunately she's in a relationship with some douche which I always seem to forget about, and I just can't get my head around her. I already know she's dead set on that guy and fortunately we're very good friends, but I am so unbelievably in love that when I think of never being with her or losing her friendship my stomach turns in knots.
> 
> Any advice or words would be very welcome.



Well hello there. We're pretty much in the exact same boat, except the dude my love is with ain't a douche.

I kinda think of it more like this though:

I really love her, in the love-kinda way, but she's also my best friend and I would be devastated if we got together and then perhaps it wouldn't work out. In other words, losing everything.
Tbh, I don't know if it would be worth the risk getting in a relationship if the opportunity arrives. I know this isn't just one-sided, she really loves me too, just not in the love-kinda way 

It's been like this for so long now that I should have moved on, and I thought I had. Boy was I wrong


----------



## leandroab

Metal_Webb said:


> Betchus bay croycroy



Omg I'm dying


----------



## Idontpersonally

ZEBOV said:


> OMG, TELL US ABOUT HER!
> This is gonna be good.


sshheeit i got at least one off the top of my head, my grandmother is from there, basically she's the only one that moved but anyway she stabbed her ex husband with a steak bone and he used her maxi pad w/e you call them to stop the blood.. thats one of literally hundreds of crazy stories... she literally couldnt handle too much peace a straight up warrior.. the guys seem to be cool, but i met her sister and her sister was just a pist as her, within 5 mins of meeting her for the first time she was yelling at me about my clothes.


----------



## leandroab

Idontpersonally said:


> sshheeit i got at least one off the top of my head, my grandmother is from there, basically she's the only one that moved but anyway she stabbed her ex husband with a steak bone and he used her maxi pad w/e you call them to stop the blood.. thats one of literally hundreds of crazy stories... she literally couldnt handle too much peace a straight up warrior.. the guys seem to be cool, but i met her sister and her sister was just a pist as her, within 5 mins of meeting her for the first time she was yelling at me about my clothes.



writing like this makes it really hard to read one time my grandma told me, she was 78, that to make good rice you need to saute it really good first.... man im so happy that my girlfriend and i fuck so much, he hump like rabbits.


----------



## ittoa666

Murmel said:


> Well hello there. We're pretty much in the exact same boat, except the dude my love is with ain't a douche.
> 
> I kinda think of it more like this though:
> 
> I really love her, in the love-kinda way, but she's also my best friend and I would be devastated if we got together and then perhaps it wouldn't work out. In other words, losing everything.
> Tbh, I don't know if it would be worth the risk getting in a relationship if the opportunity arrives. I know this isn't just one-sided, she really loves me too, just not in the love-kinda way
> 
> It's been like this for so long now that I should have moved on, and I thought I had. Boy was I wrong



I don't know why I haven't thought that at all.  It's probably cause my mind is so set on just her that it clouds the fact that I'd hate to lose a strong friendship, especially at the cost of a breakup. 

Guess it just seems really selfish to want something so bad for yourself if the other person doesn't, no matter how you feel for them, but hey, that's just how my brain works.


----------



## Idontpersonally

leandroab said:


> writing like this makes it really hard to read one time my grandma told me, she was 78, that to make good rice you need to saute it really good first.... man im so happy that my girlfriend and i fuck so much, he hump like rabbits.


That wasnt @ you though,,,


----------



## leandroab

Idontpersonally said:


> That wasnt @ you though,,,



But rice is good.


----------



## Idontpersonally

leandroab said:


> But rice is good.



fuck yea, now that i think about it though, pretty sure i have a mild case of that aspergers. Not even joking there.


----------



## asher

@Church, ittoa, etc:

To steal my friend's line: damn kids.

While I understand the feelings, having totally been there, it's still long term unsustainable and goes for way too long avoiding the issue that's eventually gonna be broached anyway, more than likely. It's always worth it to have had that experience. Because yes, it'll likely break apart eventually. And yes, that will suck balls. But suffering is how we learn and grow - so you get what sounds it should be an awesome relationship for a while, and then you can grow and learn when it explodes.

Hardly convincing sounding logic, and I'm pretty damn sure it won't work on her even if this end's convinced, but it's still pretty true.


----------



## flint757

We regret the things we don't do. If there is even a minute chance isn't it worth it? Is it really better to be friends with someone all the while wanting them and never doing anything about it? If anything I'd say that is a bad move if only because it prevents you from ever having a successful relationship because the thought is always there. It is self-destructive.


----------



## Kidneythief

So within 1 week I already started to sabotage my own love-life 

Things were going really great, I spent the weekend at her. Got some, and had fun, and generally good times, and bonding.

What I don't understand is, that immediatly she started about moving in together. According to her that is the best way to get to know each-other. Also she often said, that "she needs me to be near", and that she can bond more easily if that would happen. I have to admit I'm not to keen on moving together right now. Sure I would love to, but I want to give it some time and be sure that I really want to make this decision.

Sooo I'm trying to tell her this yesterday, but I keep using wrong words and expressions, and it all goes down in flames and I almost loose her.
We're meeting today since Sunday, so I'm nervous again how it will turn out now.

Is it weird to do such thing? I mean I haven't been in a "normal relationship" for most then 2,5 years. Sure I had some affairs with girls, or just being f*ckbuddies, but there was never a real need for communication. Have I lost my mojo?


----------



## flint757

I don't see the issue with wanting to wait. Women be crazy though so she might feel like your pushing her away. It's a big decision and one that is hard to undo once you've done it.


----------



## Kidneythief

Well the funny thing is, according to her, you can get to know someone really good, if you move in with them.
I agree, but I really need time to make such a decision if a I REALLY want to move in with her.

She has done this in all her past relationships as it turned out. No wonder they all turned bad after a while. I mean the "shock" of the whole thing, to have someone who you fancy immediatly near you. Sure there are good points to it, but I think it would "burn out" the whole thing too quickly.


----------



## flint757

There is some truth to that, but unless y'all intend on moving several steps in the relationship over the next year pushing it to the next level just to get to know each other better is just unnecessary. If you want to go for it then it can be a good thing, but definitely don't let her bully you into it. Just out of curiosity how long have y'all been going out?


----------



## Kidneythief

That is the funny thing you see...if I count the fist time I wrote to her, I would say we have known each other for 3 weeks. Dating 1 week. That's why I'm saying she is rushing this whole thing.


----------



## benduncan

moving in together after a week? thats fucking crazy. you dont know if shes nuts yet


----------



## Murmel

ittoa666 said:


> I don't know why I haven't thought that at all.  It's probably cause my mind is so set on just her that it clouds the fact that I'd hate to lose a strong friendship, especially at the cost of a breakup.
> 
> Guess it just seems really selfish to want something so bad for yourself if the other person doesn't, no matter how you feel for them, but hey, that's just how my brain works.


I'm so sick of being in love with her that I actually try taking interest in other girls. But every time I talk to/am around her I immediately fall back to her, even if some girl I might've been a bit interested in before is present.

I already know the solution to this, but fuck that solution


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Well, the girl I have been flirting with for a few months suddenly almost has another boyfriend. She came online today and when I asked where she was the last week, she said she was at another guys mostly, and that they probably will be getting together soon. 

Now I had a lot of hope for the thing between me and her to grow into a relationship, I was happy to finally have found a girl near me (she lives in the same city), and suddenly all that hope was crushed and stomped into the ground. Fuck this shit.


----------



## Kidneythief

Sooo....I'm still exploring the levels of craziness of my new girlfriend.
We met today, had a long walk in a park and talked about this whole thing. Then made peace and all is good again. Gotta control this thing somehow


----------



## flint757

Kidneythief said:


> That is the funny thing you see...if I count the fist time I wrote to her, I would say we have known each other for 3 weeks. Dating 1 week. That's why I'm saying she is rushing this whole thing.



Dating only one week and she wants to move in. That's insane dude on so many levels.



benduncan said:


> moving in together after a week? thats fucking crazy. you dont know if shes nuts yet







Kidneythief said:


> Sooo....I'm still exploring the levels of craziness of my new girlfriend.
> We met today, had a long walk in a park and talked about this whole thing. Then made peace and all is good again. Gotta control this thing somehow



It's just my opinion, but the absolute earliest people should move in with each other is about 3 months and I think even that is too early. After a week is weird, y'all are basically strangers to each other.


----------



## ittoa666

Murmel said:


> I'm so sick of being in love with her that I actually try taking interest in other girls. But every time I talk to/am around her I immediately fall back to her, even if some girl I might've been a bit interested in before is present.
> 
> I already know the solution to this, but fuck that solution



Exactly!  

I try to do the same thing and just focus my mind away, but she just keeps coming back. I'll just have gotten over her and than I have to see her and I go back into the same love struck routine.

It's getting kind of tiring honestly, and it's hard riding that line between friendship and love, but I'm just going with it, even if she knows exactly how I feel. I mean, I don't wanna have to destroy a good friendship because of my petty feeling, no matter how strong they are. Like you said, fuck that solution.


----------



## Kidneythief

flint757 said:


> Dating only one week and she wants to move in. That's insane dude on so many levels.
> 
> It's just my opinion, but the absolute earliest people should move in with each other is about 3 months and I think even that is too early. After a week is weird, y'all are basically strangers to each other.



Yeah...we talked about that too. Now the new plan is, that she will try to move into the same city as me. And what is a positive side, it seems she could get a job at her University in Research field (She studies Biology)

Oh well...like I stated, we'll just have to wait and see how this will turn out.


----------



## BlackMastodon

^Good to hear, but I may recommend sleeping with all yours doors and windows locked...just in case. 

I kid, I kid.


----------



## Murmel

ittoa666 said:


> Exactly!
> 
> I try to do the same thing and just focus my mind away, but she just keeps coming back. I'll just have gotten over her and than I have to see her and I go back into the same love struck routine.
> 
> It's getting kind of tiring honestly, and it's hard riding that line between friendship and love, but I'm just going with it, even if she knows exactly how I feel. I mean, I don't wanna have to destroy a good friendship because of my petty feeling, no matter how strong they are. Like you said, fuck that solution.



If I just said "fuck you" to our entire relationship then I'd lose my best friend, and I really don't want that. I haven't met anyone I click better with in all of my high school years. Not saying I haven't found friends, because I have, not just as good friends.
I know she would be devastated if I bailed on her too.

Being in love with her is actually bearable as long as I don't have to see her and her BF together, but having them both in the same class sucks major ass sometimes I have to admit.
Soon school is over though, so that'll be a huuge relief. Unfortunately her BF is friends with all of my other friends, so naturally he's gonna get invited to events when she is etcetc.


----------



## ittoa666

Murmel said:


> If I just said "fuck you" to our entire relationship then I'd lose my best friend, and I really don't want that. I haven't met anyone I click better with in all of my high school years. Not saying I haven't found friends, because I have, not just as good friends.
> I know she would be devastated if I bailed on her too.
> 
> Being in love with her is actually bearable as long as I don't have to see her and her BF together, but having them both in the same class sucks major ass sometimes I have to admit.
> Soon school is over though, so that'll be a huuge relief. Unfortunately her BF is friends with all of my other friends, so naturally he's gonna get invited to events when she is etcetc.



Yeah. The girl I know would be pretty hurt if I just stopped talking to her and everything, and I would never get over it. Losing one of my only very good female friends would be fucking terrible, especially if it was because I made the dumbass decision to disassociate myself from her.

And, thankfully my friends boyfriend is about 8 hours away at college or something, so I never see the guy, and that's probably for the better because I'm a jealous asshole. Would hate to be in your shoes having to hang with them while they're together. It must make you rage so much.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I keep going back and forth on whether or not to keep my drummer... He can be absolutely infuriating to write music with, but I feel like I should treat it like a job and wait til I find another one...


----------



## Murmel

ittoa666 said:


> And, thankfully my friends boyfriend is about 8 hours away at college or something, so I never see the guy, and that's probably for the better because I'm a jealous asshole. Would hate to be in your shoes having to hang with them while they're together. It must make you rage so much.



I'm also a jealous asshole, wish I wasn't though.

She knows very well how I feel about hanging together with them both. We were a couple of people that were playing tabletop games some weekends having a laugh, then one of the weekends she asks me if her BF can come along. It wasn't she who had asked him, he wanted to come himself. Of course I didn't really want to, but it would be a ridiculous asshole move to say no. At least she cares about how I feel.

Now he's officially in the group we have to organize shit on FB, so there's no turning back now. Fuck


----------



## Konfyouzd

Everyone is jealous to an extent. Only those that act on jealousy are assholes...


----------



## Murmel

The only actions I take is leaving the fuck out of the premises when they're both there at the same time. Unfortunately this is not doable in class


----------



## Konfyouzd

Says who? I was the king of walking out of class... I can show you the ways... On a random unrelated note I keep having a dream about a class I'm failing bc somehow I always forget until grades come out that I just never went to said class.

The fucked up part? I'm not in school anymore!


----------



## Murmel

Well, I really dislike people who just skip/walk out of class, so I'm not gonna do it. Especially not in a high-school setting with like 30 students. If it's a seminar with 300 then fine, I don't care 
My grades would turn crap if I did too. Not that they're any good now but whatever.


----------



## ittoa666

Sure it doesn't help your grades when you're focusing on how much you wanna leave either. 

I don't know though. Fucking facebook IS NOT helping me either becuase she posts mad pics of herself. Every time my mind is off of her (which is almost never ), another pic pops up and my heart melts. 

Damn internet.


----------



## flint757

I'd suggest removing her from your news feed so it doesn't come up randomly.


----------



## ittoa666

May have to do just that.


----------



## asher

ittoa666 said:


> I don't know why I haven't thought that at all.  It's probably cause my mind is so set on just her that it clouds the fact that I'd hate to lose a strong friendship, especially at the cost of a breakup.
> 
> Guess it just seems really selfish to want something so bad for yourself if the other person doesn't, no matter how you feel for them, but hey, that's just how my brain works.



Was re-reading, this caught my eye.

Consider, unless she's _really_ lying to herself, unable to accept what's up or just really uncomfortable with it (see my previous post about the risk... because we're hideously risk averse creatures, most people have issues being trusting and open and being hurt is fucking terrifying, even if necessary), she may just not ever be attracted enough to feel that way, or whatever it is... that she's got _exactly the same mindset here as you do_. It just plays the opposite way.

Food for thought.


----------



## m3l-mrq3z

Do you guys think that starting a new relationship roughly 3 months after a break-up is too early?


----------



## tacotiklah

^Nope. That sounds about right for giving yourself time to get over the previous one. Then again, there isn't really a "set" time. It all comes down to if you feel you've had time to process your emotional "grief" in losing someone. If you're ready to get back out there and try again, then in most cases I'd say that would be the time to go back out there and try again.


----------



## m3l-mrq3z

That's probably what I wanted to hear ^^


----------



## Konfyouzd

ittoa666 said:


> May have to do just that.



Shit works wonders for your peace of mind. 

If something bothers you, you don't need that shit staring you in the face[book] every day...


----------



## Konfyouzd

ghstofperdition said:


> ^Nope. That sounds about right for giving yourself time to get over the previous one. Then again, there isn't really a "set" time. It all comes down to if you feel you've had time to process your emotional "grief" in losing someone. If you're ready to get back out there and try again, then in most cases I'd say that would be the time to go back out there and try again.



Definitely up to the individual. I've met girls who seem perfectly fine but feel they aren't ready after 6 months past their previous dude. Then others assert that they're ready after 2 months and I can't help but feel like I end up catching the wrath for someone else's fuck ups in those situations...


----------



## no_dice

Konfyouzd said:


> Says who? I was the king of walking out of class... I can show you the ways... On a random unrelated note I keep having a dream about a class I'm failing bc somehow I always forget until grades come out that I just never went to said class.
> 
> The fucked up part? I'm not in school anymore!



I often have dreams where I'm back in school, and they always end up with me realizing "I don't even have to be here!" and walking out.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I wish I had that kind of presence of mind in my dreams. It seems like in situations where I have that realization something else happens to prevent me from doing the obvious solution.

Like for instance... If I realize that something is a problem but also realize that I'm dreaming (maybe I was flying a second ago or something) I'll try to just do something that I should be able to do to end the problem bc it's a dream and then out of nowhere some new circumstance arises in which I can't. Then I wake up all flustered.


----------



## m3l-mrq3z

no_dice said:


> I often have dreams where I'm back in school, and they always end up with me realizing "I don't even have to be here!" and walking out.



I also dream I am back in school and have to pass some difficult exams I actually took in real life and were really hard. I hate that kind of dreams.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

As I look through the tags, I see SS Emo Thread. 

The first thing that comes to my mind when seeing SS Emo is this  :


----------



## m3l-mrq3z

You should have posted a picture of a blade.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

m3l-mrq3z said:


> You should have posted a picture of a blade.



It's the SS Anne from Pokémon Red/Blue/Yellow


----------



## CrownofWorms

Women are like Pokemon, too many types, good for breeding, you can barely understand what they're saying, and you need balls to catch them!


----------



## Ibanezsam4

so plus one for whichever genius many pages ago who suggested having many options available to you when you're single. 

*the following is written while consuming six point 3 beans coffee stout, please excuse the structure and flow* 

After contemplating fucking the brains out of a freshman (still a possibility, but a less interesting one now), I had a long (almost six hour) skype conversation with an old acquaintance whom i was facebook friends with but i had never ever hung out with. Don't know why we never chilled together, she's a total nerd and loves geeky tv shows. 

Well she's a raver and works as a promoter/go-go dancer or whatever cuz she's into that scene, its cool with me whatever floats your boat. So basically i get to see pictures of her in her raver outfits/bras and booty shorts constantly. Anyway she is cute and whatever and has massive tits we each had a mutual attraction to one another. 

so we get to talking and by the 2nd hour of skyping we have pretty much made it clear to each other through flirting that we are willing to jump each other the next time we hang out. She seems pretty kinky and we both really enjoy sex and were very honest about our sexual needs. 

now someone had posted about just being straight up honest about what you want, posted a link to a comedian who explained that if you just came out and and said you wanted sex you would be better off. so basically that's what i did and she is willing to bone like wild animals.............. but 

she made reference twice to the last time she had a serious relationship was 3 years ago. now once i can tend to pass it off, but mentioning it twice in between comments about her wanting to wear my over-sized hoodie naked (yes she offered), i tend to think that this is what she is interested in. now i just got out of a two year relationship that i was serious about, im not really set on getting into another one. also, my schedule for the summer will be crammed full of working and interning and her being over an hour away from where i live doesn't help matters when two people start dating. 
also my mom's poor health basically keeps me in a state of emotionally unavailability. its not total unavailability, but im usually left drained at the end of the day and everyone gets whats left over (which isn't much). 

So i don't think im exactly fit for a relationship as i will probably drag the other person down a bit and that's fair even to people i dislike.
So i think i need to do the right thing and tell her that im not in her best interest in terms of a partner (despite the fact my dick and blue balls are screaming at me), but i will stipulate that if she wants to bang then im down, but its her decision. hopefully she understands im thinking with the right head here, and that its morally objectionable for two people to talk about fucking each other and not doing it 

EDIT: she is 5 foot 5 and has double Ds... want to bone


----------



## JTL

Ibanezsam4 said:


> so plus one for whichever genius many pages ago who suggested having many options available to you when you're single.
> 
> *the following is written while consuming six point 3 beans coffee stout, please excuse the structure and flow*
> 
> After contemplating fucking the brains out of a freshman (still a possibility, but a less interesting one now), I had a long (almost six hour) skype conversation with an old acquaintance whom i was facebook friends with but i had never ever hung out with. Don't know why we never chilled together, she's a total nerd and loves geeky tv shows.
> 
> Well she's a raver and works as a promoter/go-go dancer or whatever cuz she's into that scene, its cool with me whatever floats your boat. So basically i get to see pictures of her in her raver outfits/bras and booty shorts constantly. Anyway she is cute and whatever and has massive tits we each had a mutual attraction to one another.
> 
> so we get to talking and by the 2nd hour of skyping we have pretty much made it clear to each other through flirting that we are willing to jump each other the next time we hang out. She seems pretty kinky and we both really enjoy sex and were very honest about our sexual needs.
> 
> now someone had posted about just being straight up honest about what you want, posted a link to a comedian who explained that if you just came out and and said you wanted sex you would be better off. so basically that's what i did and she is willing to bone like wild animals.............. but
> 
> she made reference twice to the last time she had a serious relationship was 3 years ago. now once i can tend to pass it off, but mentioning it twice in between comments about her wanting to wear my over-sized hoodie naked (yes she offered), i tend to think that this is what she is interested in. now i just got out of a two year relationship that i was serious about, im not really set on getting into another one. also, my schedule for the summer will be crammed full of working and interning and her being over an hour away from where i live doesn't help matters when two people start dating.
> also my mom's poor health basically keeps me in a state of emotionally unavailability. its not total unavailability, but im usually left drained at the end of the day and everyone gets whats left over (which isn't much).
> 
> So i don't think im exactly fit for a relationship as i will probably drag the other person down a bit and that's fair even to people i dislike.
> So i think i need to do the right thing and tell her that im not in her best interest in terms of a partner (despite the fact my dick and blue balls are screaming at me), but i will stipulate that if she wants to bang then im down, but its her decision. hopefully she understands im thinking with the right head here, and that its morally objectionable for two people to talk about fucking each other and not doing it
> 
> EDIT: she is 5 foot 5 and has double Ds... want to bone



Real simple here bud... bang her. You two have discussed engaging in sexual intercourse, not being in a monogamous relationship. Go with the flow. If she brings up wanting to be exclusive and your not into it, then tell her. But i see no need to bring it up.... until after you get dat pussy.

And hey if it doesnt work out you could always just pm me her skype address. lmao. jk

















siiiikkkeee.


----------



## Heroin

Okay guys so basically the girl that broke up with me started getting sad about it after a week, more or less. The thing is that I don't know if she wants to be back with me or she doesn't. I see her tweeting about me and stuff, basically saying she misses me. I miss her too, I went up to her today and asked her if she wants to reconsider being back with me and she just told me "please don't say anything". I automatically took it as "I miss you but I don't want to be back with you" but later on that day I saw her tweeting something along the lines of "please don't ask again okay? because it would be hard to say no again". I honestly don't know if she wants me to ask again or she really means it. I'm confused, advice anyone?


----------



## Cynic

Either that's a hint for you to take the initiative, or just don't even bother with it. If she can't be straight-foward, then you shouldn't have to play into the bullshit.


----------



## flint757

Either way honestly. If your cool with not being friends then there is little harm in asking again. At the same time she literally said no so it sounds like you took the initiative and she shut you down. I personally wouldn't bother.


----------



## Church2224

Well, I discovered why women do not like me, I am not a flirt and I have no idea how to talk to women...

It comes so easy to some guys, and I cannot do it at all...


----------



## Idontpersonally

Church2224 said:


> Well, I discovered why women do not like me, I am not a flirt and I have no idea how to talk to women...
> 
> It comes so easy to some guys, and I cannot do it at all...



Meh..Theyre like guitars, just practice.


----------



## Church2224

Idontpersonally said:


> Meh..Theyre like guitars, just practice.



Any tips ? I mean, I have no idea what to do.


----------



## piggins411

^ Be yourself man. Don't force anything or you'll crash and burn pretty hard. If you have friends, clearly you can be interesting enough for people to want to be around.


----------



## Church2224

piggins411 said:


> ^ Be yourself man. Don't force anything or you'll crash and burn pretty hard. If you have friends, clearly you can be interesting enough for people to want to be around.



Yeah, but the thing is the women just flock to certain guys who know what they are going. I just feel like I am boring to women.


----------



## Blitzie

Heroin said:


> Okay guys so basically the girl that broke up with me started getting sad about it after a week, more or less. The thing is that I don't know if she wants to be back with me or she doesn't. I see her tweeting about me and stuff, basically saying she misses me. I miss her too, I went up to her today and asked her if she wants to reconsider being back with me and she just told me "please don't say anything". I automatically took it as "I miss you but I don't want to be back with you" but later on that day I saw her tweeting something along the lines of "please don't ask again okay? because it would be hard to say no again". I honestly don't know if she wants me to ask again or she really means it. I'm confused, advice anyone?



She thinks she misses you, in reality, she's lonely and trying to get used to being single. Someone on here said the greatest thing that I've ever read;

"If a woman wants to be with you, she will tear down the fucking Eiffel Tower if it's in the way"

Just keep your distance and move on. If you guys got back together, it would only be a matter of time before she realizes why she didn't want to be with you in the first place and end up regretting getting back together.


----------



## mlp187

Church2224 said:


> Yeah, but the thing is the women just flock to ctain guys who know what they are going. I just feel like I am boring to women.



You need to do two things: 1) make sure you get the ladies talking about themselves and 2) be at least moderately confident in appearance. 

Even if you' re not confident, fake it. Also, a good way to practice getting ladies to talk about themselves is doing it to older women and people you already know. Don't pry, but get them to discuss things they like and their future goals. Keep it subtle, and try to tell them why they will be good at whatever they choose. There is nothing wrong with being a little bullshitty. It's called the dating game for a reason!


----------



## UnderTheSign

Church2224 said:


> Yeah, but the thing is the women just flock to certain guys who know what they are going. I just feel like I am boring to women.


Ehhh practise makes perfect. There's no "one way", you gotta find out what your charm is and use it. I only started gaining more interest from women over the past half year or so. Online dating and having a couple of fun dates gave me a tremendous confidence boost and girls seem to notice that. As for styles... One of my best friends could've been my older brother - he's almost as tall, ginger as well and has a similar face. We hang out from time to time and go after girls together. He usually gets the more shy girls as he comes across a little cocky and is a big smooth talker. No clue how he does it but it tends to work on shy girls more whereas I somehow manage to attract older girls (who, yes, sometimes lose interest when they find out they're 24-25 and I'm 21) and confident (higher educated) girls. I'm no smooth talker, I'm a smart guy but working class through and through and somehow they seem to like that. I'm big, I'm straightforward and my jokes are rough. I produce more noise than a Motörhead gig whereas my friend talks at a low volume, leans over them and just lures them in. 
Our "styles" are the absolute opposite of eachother yet both we've recently been pretty succesful. Ya know why? Because we both look confident. I've always been told my my appearance is what makes them like me so much, I just _look_ like I enjoy life, I smile, I laugh, I joke. He looks succesful and has the stories to go with it. 

Really dude, I'll be 22 in June. I've had girlfriends and I've banged some girls so far, but it's only in the past half year that I've really learned how to deal with women and it's only now that I'm discovering how to see they're interested and how to handle it. Judging from your other postings you have other issues to deal with still and it'll probably take you a while to learn how to deal with women. Be patient, be yourself and go with the flow instead of forcing it or worrying about it too much. 

Also, what the guy above me said. Confidence is key.


----------



## CrownofWorms

UnderTheSign said:


> Ehhh practise makes perfect. There's no "one way", you gotta find out what your charm is and use it. I only started gaining more interest from women over the past half year or so. Online dating and having a couple of fun dates gave me a tremendous confidence boost and girls seem to notice that. As for styles... One of my best friends could've been my older brother - he's almost as tall, ginger as well and has a similar face. We hang out from time to time and go after girls together. He usually gets the more shy girls as he comes across a little cocky and is a big smooth talker. No clue how he does it but it tends to work on shy girls more whereas I somehow manage to attract older girls (who, yes, sometimes lose interest when they find out they're 24-25 and I'm 21) and confident (higher educated) girls. I'm no smooth talker, I'm a smart guy but working class through and through and somehow they seem to like that. I'm big, I'm straightforward and my jokes are rough. I produce more noise than a Motörhead gig whereas my friend talks at a low volume, leans over them and just lures them in.
> Our "styles" are the absolute opposite of eachother yet both we've recently been pretty succesful. Ya know why? Because we both look confident. I've always been told my my appearance is what makes them like me so much, I just _look_ like I enjoy life, I smile, I laugh, I joke. He looks succesful and has the stories to go with it.
> 
> Really dude, I'll be 22 in June. I've had girlfriends and I've banged some girls so far, but it's only in the past half year that I've really learned how to deal with women and it's only now that I'm discovering how to see they're interested and how to handle it. Judging from your other postings you have other issues to deal with still and it'll probably take you a while to learn how to deal with women. Be patient, be yourself and go with the flow instead of forcing it or worrying about it too much.
> 
> Also, what the guy above me said. Confidence is key.



+1 to your whole outlook. I don't understand why society make this whole dating thing and getting girls such a complex thing. All you need is pretty much confidence, you are enough and be the way you wan't to be in life.


----------



## Scattered Messiah

UnderTheSign totall summed it up:
No matter what type you are, the trick is to be confident [pretending to be will only help so far]. Women are very sensitive towards the percieved social status of their male counterpart - this does not mean, that they all look for rich beach boys. it means, that the most attractive thing a man can do is seem as if he is totally comfortable with himseld and his surroundings or the situation... if you get slightly nervous in a strange situation this is always better than trying to fake the badass 
[next obviously comes having broad shoulders, a well built body, good fitness, a good way with words, not talking too much and not too little, being exactly the right way of cocky, having interesting eyes etc...]

So, just get out and learn ... online dating is a good start. starting to socialise helps [not only concerning women, but generally] ...




short update on my triangle plus one story:
So, things have gotten much more complicated.
Basically the triangle is slowly starting to break due to stress (Bachelorthesis for two of us, some family trouble for the other one, etc). Plus I found out I may seriously have fallen in love with triangle girl one over the last week ... Obviously all my experience will start to fail me in such a situation (demonstration effect of a kind), as I guess it will take some time for my mind to wrap around the fact I'm in love 
Logically, the triangle needs to be resolved, but...
just how do I do this, without hurting triangle girl 2 (a veryvery long time friend of mine) as shes in a pretty difficult situation right now and slightly depends on me and triangle girl one ... 
And to make the whole package even more interesting, I still can not get over my fascination with the physicist girl (the "plus one") ... even though I figure this is just some sort of "professional interest", as I still cannot quite explain the phenomenon of her 
At least there is me knowing I could have much bigger problems


----------



## Ibanezsam4

JTL said:


> Real simple here bud... bang her. You two have discussed engaging in sexual intercourse, not being in a monogamous relationship. Go with the flow. If she brings up wanting to be exclusive and your not into it, then tell her. But i see no need to bring it up.... until after you get dat pussy.
> 
> And hey if it doesnt work out you could always just pm me her skype address. lmao. jk



i would have totally taken this advice had she not shown her true colors literally an hour or so after you responded. 
talked to her again the next night, she teased a bit asking why i wasn't sleeping next to her, i play along a bit and then mention that i will have no time to myself or anyone for the next week and a half. she says "im going to miss you" (i dont miss anyone after talking to them for 5 hours total). keep myself pretty level and go with the flow. anyway we both go to bed and i wake up and go to a beer fest with my brother, i then go to see steven wilson with my dad later that night. basically i dont talk with her for the whole day and then i check my facebook the next morning to see what i missed. 

she put up three statuses about me... first one says something about waiting by the phone, the next about saying "i'll follow the sound of your voice if you shout it out to me" or some bs like that. and then finally "if he never saw me again, his life would continue to go on" 

...... ummmm no fucking kidding my life goes on. jeezus...

a few hours later "IMing, snap chatting and skyping with *some dudes name* we can't enough of each other" 

so yeah... i think i dodged a bullet. balls are still blue, but at least i didn't get sucked into some black widow trap


----------



## m3l-mrq3z

So I basically denied myself the possibility of being with a new, awesome girl. This is the first time I am the one who has had to say "yes" or "no", and it wasn't a comfortable position to be in. 

Has any of you loved someone to the point of not wanting to be with them out of fear you could hurt them?


----------



## The Reverend

I love the tags for this thread, especially the one which reads, "complete aspie bitches."

Good one, SSO. 

I don't know if you guys remember my adventures with being creepy a few months ago, so I'll summarize: I knew a girl through many of my friends, but didn't actually know her beyond a few parties we'd both been at a couple years ago. Everything about her intellect, interests, and body attracted me, so I decided to tell her that I'd been creeping on her internetz and wanted her number so I could spit game.

To my surprise, it worked.

At first it was kind of slow, and I always had to initiate our conversations, but over time we've hung out and flirted and discovered that we have so many odd things in common. I'm certain that we would make a great match. Now, the conundrum is that I recently discovered that she's been in a relationship with a really cool guy I know. They've kept it pretty chill, so I had literally no idea until she slipped it into conversation about a month ago. 

So now I'm playing the waiting game. There's no friend zone here, since I made my intentions awkwardly clear from the beginning. There's also no way that I'm going to tempt her away from the guy she's dating now, since I respect both of them too much. I'm not ashamed to say that normally I would do such a thing. The problem is, I don't know if I want to wait. Should I leave what would almost certainly be the best relationship I've ever had before it begins, or should I continue to be her source of sexual tension, without getting to be the release?

Guide me, guys. Or at least give me something to think about.


----------



## The Buttmonkey

I have no idea where to start, Reverend, but good luck with whatever path you choose.


My girlfriend is not very clingy and fairly independent, but very sharp, clean living, and trustworthy. (this is weird to me because honestly I'm used to emotional and needy girls) She's had a fever all this week, which is finals week so that sucks. Yesterday she told me she went to a movie premiere with one of her male friends at college. Now don't get me wrong, I don't really care that she interacts with other guys because I trust her not to be messing around with other people, but what really bothers me is that it wasn't me that was with her. I'm like jealous of her time. I haven't seen her for two weeks and her school is only 35 minutes away by car. I'm jealous of the fact that she spends more time with the guys at school than with me, her boyfriend, when she could call me right up and say "hey, I've got a few minutes free from studying want to come chill?"

Gahhhh, and I know it's because she's not very dependent (which is honestly a good thing) but I wish she was more clingy than she is. Does that make sense guys?


----------



## m3l-mrq3z

Yes, it does make sense. Go punch that guy she went to the movies with.


----------



## asher

The Buttmonkey said:


> I have no idea where to start, Reverend, but good luck with whatever path you choose.
> 
> 
> My girlfriend is not very clingy and fairly independent, but very sharp, clean living, and trustworthy. (this is weird to me because honestly I'm used to emotional and needy girls) She's had a fever all this week, which is finals week so that sucks. Yesterday she told me she went to a movie premiere with one of her male friends at college. Now don't get me wrong, I don't really care that she interacts with other guys because I trust her not to be messing around with other people, but what really bothers me is that it wasn't me that was with her. I'm like jealous of her time. I haven't seen her for two weeks and her school is only 35 minutes away by car. I'm jealous of the fact that she spends more time with the guys at school than with me, her boyfriend, when she could call me right up and say "hey, I've got a few minutes free from studying want to come chill?"
> 
> Gahhhh, and I know it's because she's not very dependent (which is honestly a good thing) but I wish she was more clingy than she is. Does that make sense guys?


 
Entirely get you dude. Bring it up calmly and nonconfrontationally, but this should be brought up right now in case it goes on to get out of hand and makes somebody bitter.


----------



## AcousticMinja

I don't know what to do. Every little thing upsets my girlfriend. I make a mistake and I'm somehow this horrible person and she yells at me or ends up crying. It makes me feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet...and I don't even know what I'm doing wrong. When I try to talk to her about it, or any problem, it is always my fault and somehow it's my problem. Yet, when I try to help her, she doesn't listen to me. She just says I'm wrong...
Literally just 5 minutes ago, she wanted to be close...but then, she got on my case about doing the laundry...I told her that I waited for her to get home first just in case she wanted to wash her work clothes. Yeah, I should've asked her but I assumed that's what she wanted since she's worn them for days. Then she gets mad at me for 'rejecting' her and goes into the front room sits in a corner and cries. I come out there and ask what's wrong and she's like "I WANT LOVE. WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME? COME HUG ME, etc etc" I told her she told me to take out the laundry and so I did...I asked her why she didn't tell me what she wanted me to do first and then she says "Why do you reject me?" and continues crying. I ask her to let's please talk about this so we don't fight then she says "I want love!" and cries even more. Then I just get fed up and say, look, we need to talk about this if you want to have a mature relationship. 
She then yells and cries and says that she doesn't want a "mature relationship" She wants "love" Then she storms off, gets her keys, and goes and sits in her car where she is now, crying.
This kind of shit happens often...whether it's "rejecting" or some other bs...

and I honestly don't know what to do. I try and try and try and try and everything i do is somehow wrong. We always end up fighting or yelling at each other or she runs and hides in her car to cry, only to tell a biased story to her friend then talk to this asshole guy she talks to on facebook. (who also just wants to get in her pants and before they use to talk about fucking each other all the time. And she also has a hard time "not cheating on me" With him...yet still talks to him)

Ugh, these are just some of the bad things, yet, there are SOO many good things...when she's happy, our relationship seriously is everything I could ever hope and dream for, yet, when she's down, all of a sudden I feel like I'm the lowest piece of trash that ever existed. I don't know what to do. 
I really want to be with her..and I know she has depression and all that but I don't know how to deal with it properly. Or what to really say. Most of the things I'd say to someone when they're down don't work with her.
Anyone have any advice on that? What should I do? I really truly love her and want to make this relationship work. 

I also apologize if my post looks like a jumbled mess. That's kind of what my head feels like right now.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

single as always here, kind of content, kind of disappointed, ambivalent mostly

feels weird that out of my close circle of friends I'm the only one who's still not kissed a girl 



m3l-mrq3z said:


> I also dream I am back in school and have to pass some difficult exams I actually took in real life and were really hard. I hate that kind of dreams.



it's far worse having a dream where you're a carefree adult millionaire space mercenary then you wake up being actually still in school with difficult important exams in less than a month

/wrists


----------



## Scattered Messiah

AcousticMinja said:


> I don't know what to do. Every little thing upsets my girlfriend. I make a mistake and I'm somehow this horrible person and she yells at me or ends up crying. It makes me feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet...and I don't even know what I'm doing wrong. When I try to talk to her about it, or any problem, it is always my fault and somehow it's my problem. Yet, when I try to help her, she doesn't listen to me. She just says I'm wrong...
> Literally just 5 minutes ago, she wanted to be close...but then, she got on my case about doing the laundry...I told her that I waited for her to get home first just in case she wanted to wash her work clothes. Yeah, I should've asked her but I assumed that's what she wanted since she's worn them for days. Then she gets mad at me for 'rejecting' her and goes into the front room sits in a corner and cries. I come out there and ask what's wrong and she's like "I WANT LOVE. WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME? COME HUG ME, etc etc" I told her she told me to take out the laundry and so I did...I asked her why she didn't tell me what she wanted me to do first and then she says "Why do you reject me?" and continues crying. I ask her to let's please talk about this so we don't fight then she says "I want love!" and cries even more. Then I just get fed up and say, look, we need to talk about this if you want to have a mature relationship.
> She then yells and cries and says that she doesn't want a "mature relationship" She wants "love" Then she storms off, gets her keys, and goes and sits in her car where she is now, crying.
> This kind of shit happens often...whether it's "rejecting" or some other bs...
> 
> and I honestly don't know what to do. I try and try and try and try and everything i do is somehow wrong. We always end up fighting or yelling at each other or she runs and hides in her car to cry, only to tell a biased story to her friend then talk to this asshole guy she talks to on facebook. (who also just wants to get in her pants and before they use to talk about fucking each other all the time. And she also has a hard time "not cheating on me" With him...yet still talks to him)
> 
> Ugh, these are just some of the bad things, yet, there are SOO many good things...when she's happy, our relationship seriously is everything I could ever hope and dream for, yet, when she's down, all of a sudden I feel like I'm the lowest piece of trash that ever existed. I don't know what to do.
> I really want to be with her..and I know she has depression and all that but I don't know how to deal with it properly. Or what to really say. Most of the things I'd say to someone when they're down don't work with her.
> Anyone have any advice on that? What should I do? I really truly love her and want to make this relationship work.
> 
> I also apologize if my post looks like a jumbled mess. That's kind of what my head feels like right now.


Sounds, like (and now don't take this personally) you care for her way too much, or at least are not able to show your feelings without loosing all self respect.
If she has some type of personality disorder (and it sure sounds like it, depression?), the best thing you can do is, realize it's an illness.

She is blaming you for things she is not able to communicate, or for her own inability to know what she wants, for her own frustration of being unable to control her emotional life etc... it's easier to have somebody to project your own problems at, releasing the condition instead of fighting the state of mind.


so, harsh words first (this comes from being in a relationship with a borderliner for 3 years, and still being friends with her for another 3 now):

as long as she does not realize, she is ill, you are just more or less fighting a battle you can only lose (emotionally).
It can work (for some time), but it requires a HUGE amount of emotional and rational effort -
and basically won't help her at all. you will just be trying to glue together and repair a relationship. she will loose the value for the relationship, as it seemingly comes for free, and it will end with you being emotionally totally drained. The whole relationship will depend on her ... and I am not sure that'S something I would want for me.

If she understands (emotionally as well as rationally) that she has a mental illness, there are ways. She needs assistance,
and you are still required to invest emotional and rational work, far more than into a normal relationship. The trick is, to be able to show her, that no matter what happens you are able to "be there for her" - but on the other hand, that your patience and tolerance has borders (e.g. you are no toy), that you have own emotions and that you will defend your "ground". If she realizes that, after some time, this will form an unbelievable bond...

A good friend of mine has just married his long time girlfriend, and she has a pretty drastic kind of chronic depression condition going on. He said, that life with her is a struggle, but worth it. she knows he'll do everything for her, as long as he sees fit - and the trust she has into him is unbelievable, their relationship is pretty wierd but very cool, extremely educational


----------



## RevelGTR

Honestly man, if she has a hard time not cheating on you, and is as emotionally unstable as you describe, I would consider whether or not it's a relationship you should be in. It may sound hard, but I think you'd be better off. I dated a check like that for a couple months. Trust me, there are way too many awesome, normal girls out there to put up with shit like that.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

AcousticMinja said:


> I don't know what to do. Every little thing upsets my girlfriend. I make a mistake and I'm somehow this horrible person and she yells at me or ends up crying. It makes me feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet...and I don't even know what I'm doing wrong. When I try to talk to her about it, or any problem, it is always my fault and somehow it's my problem. Yet, when I try to help her, she doesn't listen to me. She just says I'm wrong...
> Literally just 5 minutes ago, she wanted to be close...but then, she got on my case about doing the laundry...I told her that I waited for her to get home first just in case she wanted to wash her work clothes. Yeah, I should've asked her but I assumed that's what she wanted since she's worn them for days. Then she gets mad at me for 'rejecting' her and goes into the front room sits in a corner and cries. I come out there and ask what's wrong and she's like "I WANT LOVE. WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME? COME HUG ME, etc etc" I told her she told me to take out the laundry and so I did...I asked her why she didn't tell me what she wanted me to do first and then she says "Why do you reject me?" and continues crying. I ask her to let's please talk about this so we don't fight then she says "I want love!" and cries even more. Then I just get fed up and say, look, we need to talk about this if you want to have a mature relationship.
> She then yells and cries and says that she doesn't want a "mature relationship" She wants "love" Then she storms off, gets her keys, and goes and sits in her car where she is now, crying.
> This kind of shit happens often...whether it's "rejecting" or some other bs...
> 
> and I honestly don't know what to do. I try and try and try and try and everything i do is somehow wrong. We always end up fighting or yelling at each other or she runs and hides in her car to cry, only to tell a biased story to her friend then talk to this asshole guy she talks to on facebook. (who also just wants to get in her pants and before they use to talk about fucking each other all the time. And she also has a hard time "not cheating on me" With him...yet still talks to him)
> 
> Ugh, these are just some of the bad things, yet, there are SOO many good things...when she's happy, our relationship seriously is everything I could ever hope and dream for, yet, when she's down, all of a sudden I feel like I'm the lowest piece of trash that ever existed. I don't know what to do.
> I really want to be with her..and I know she has depression and all that but I don't know how to deal with it properly. Or what to really say. Most of the things I'd say to someone when they're down don't work with her.
> Anyone have any advice on that? What should I do? I really truly love her and want to make this relationship work.
> 
> I also apologize if my post looks like a jumbled mess. That's kind of what my head feels like right now.



get out now. she uses her emotions as leverage in the relationship, and on top of that uses her bias on friends/flirt buddies. if it keeps going down this route she will break your heart and pretty fucking hard.. like therapy hard. honestly this is a form of emotional abuse, and its wrong for anyone to be abused in any case. i say leave, but if you want to make it work, tell her you need space from her to make it right. if you still feel the same way and she hasn't jumped in another dude's bed at the end of the break, evaluate from there. but i still say end it right now and avoid the trouble. 

p.s. my ex started doing this and its a burden.. and yes i still love her but love can change and honestly i see a lot of people who don't do this to their significant others... this is not healthy behavior


----------



## Idontpersonally

Church2224 said:


> Any tips ? I mean, I have no idea what to do.


yup.






Then you get the respect. Just be like





Then you get the power. Just be like




Then you can haz a lady friend.


----------



## -42-

AcousticMinja said:


> Massive wall of text detailing shitty relationship.


She sounds manipulative and unstable, loving her isn't worth hating yourself dude. Either she adjusts her attitude or you get the fuck out.


----------



## The Reverend

Acoustic, she's looking for something from you that you can't provide. She's looking for emotional validation and a sense of worth, two things someone not inside her head can only offer in part. She needs to come to that understanding, or in some time your relationship with her will fall apart with you picking up what used to be your life. She'll be in the arms of the next guy she thinks can effectively validate her existence.

You can't save her, and unless she's a receptive person, you can barely help her. It would be one thing if after these outbursts she sought to discuss with you what's going on inside her head, or if she even tried to explain what she really wants from you, but she either can't or won't. Like some other people said, she may also be mentally ill, in which case a psychiatrist will be able to prescribe things like mood stabilizers and therapy to help.


----------



## xDarkCrisisx

I posted on here a few weeks ago and thought people would be interested in my latest experience. I've been dating this really cute girl for almost a year and she's pretty perfect, big Death Metal fan etc. But my ex girlfriend and her new bf I guess have gotten all of our friends in the stupid 'mini divorce', owell. But the other day she and our old group of friends pick up my gf after work and go hang out, np my girlfriend doesn't get out much and it's nice to see her have fun. But I find out that they make her sit next to one of the scumbagiest guys in the world for a 2 hour car ride. The whole night he's trying to hook up with her and she rejects him. So she texts me saying to come even though I wasn't invited, she doesn't feel safe. So I show up and the group doesn't know where my gf is or the other guy so I find out she locked herself in the bathroom and he's banging on the door asking to come in to cheer her up. And I thought to myself "do I go in being all tough and knock him out...or ask him to step away" so I do the later and he just leaves, I console my gf and start taking her home and at the last second the guy goes "hey baby if you ever want a real man who doesn't have hair like a girl you know where to find me" I didnt want to make my gf more upset so I just ignored him and took her home. So yeah...ex's are f**king crazy.


----------



## lawizeg

do you guys give...gift advice? Or is this only for problems. Ill give it a shot. Kick me out if I don't belong here!
As (mostly) men, would you prefer sweet shoes($60) as a gift from your girlfriend, or nice ish ($50) headphones and a book?


----------



## ZEBOV

Another day, another batshit insane bitch. She's now in jail.

EDIT: Considering my tastes in headphones, I'd rather have shoes. The headphones I use the most are Sennheiser HD380 Pro's. They run at about $180.


----------



## xDarkCrisisx

lawizeg said:


> do you guys give...gift advice? Or is this only for problems. Ill give it a shot. Kick me out if I don't belong here!
> As (mostly) men, would you prefer sweet shoes($60) as a gift from your girlfriend, or nice ish ($50) headphones and a book?



Find out if he really needs headphones, otherwise an extra pair of shoes is the way to go


----------



## ZEBOV

Or boots! Boots are the best!


----------



## lawizeg

xDarkCrisisx said:


> Find out if he really needs headphones, otherwise an extra pair of shoes is the way to go



I'm a bit of an audiophile myself, just looked into getting a Colorfly and these earbuds id need a loan for, and I use $200 headphones 
I kind of got him into music and he uses like $10 Sony buds. It hurts me. He doesn't like in ears, that's why. So maybe ill get him sweet over-ears for college! 

But the shoes I think are the way to go for now...thanks for the advice guys!


----------



## -42-

lawizeg said:


> do you guys give...gift advice? Or is this only for problems. Ill give it a shot. Kick me out if I don't belong here!
> As (mostly) men, would you prefer sweet shoes($60) as a gift from your girlfriend, or nice ish ($50) headphones and a book?


I personally could always use more kicks, but either option is pretty ace. Go for whatever he's lacking.


----------



## Sofos

Girl i spent the last 3 years dedicating my life to decided to start cheating on me a couple months ago, and decided to wait until today to go "oh, yeah, it's not gonna work. don't want to be friends. bye".

life really fucking sucks


----------



## asher

SoldiersOfFilth said:


> Girl i spent the last 3 years dedicating my life to decided to start cheating on me a couple months ago, and decided to wait until today to go "oh, yeah, it's not gonna work. don't want to be friends. bye".
> 
> life really fucking sucks


----------



## Idontpersonally

SoldiersOfFilth said:


> Girl i spent the last 3 years dedicating my life to decided to start cheating on me a couple months ago, and decided to wait until today to go "oh, yeah, it's not gonna work. don't want to be friends. bye".
> 
> life really fucking sucks


I know that feel. *bro hug*











Im posting this just because it covers a topic Ive been interested in for a while now. I havent really heard a real discussion on it and of course 'better' is subjective but he brought up some interesting points although they'd probably be more relatable to the long term/divorced crowd than the dating crowd.


----------



## Brill

So ive found that i have this problem everytime i talk to women i find attractive, or really just women in general.
I try to ask them about them selfs, but all that happens is the convosation just dies and we stop talking. This hapoens both on and offline..
Any tips?


----------



## Murmel

-42- said:


> I personally could always use more kicks, but either option is pretty ace. Go for whatever he's lacking.



Oh man, you can never have enough kicks. If I lived in the US I'd have hundreds of them because they're soooo cheap over there 
I would also bathe in Clarks desert boots.


----------



## Fiction

Loxodrome said:


> So ive found that i have this problem everytime i talk to women i find attractive, or really just women in general.
> I try to ask them about them selfs, but all that happens is the convosation just dies and we stop talking. This hapoens both on and offline..
> Any tips?



What in particular do you ask?


----------



## leandroab

My relationship is fucking great.

So far!


----------



## Idontpersonally

Fuck yea i love to hear some good success stories.

Random fact: Women like to have sex on their periods because it helps cramps/headaches etc. My advice just go with the flow.


----------



## Scattered Messiah

unessecary commentary:
by having sex with your girlfriend during her period, you'd effectively be going against the flow ...


----------



## ZEBOV

Loxodrome said:


> So ive found that i have this problem everytime i talk to women i find attractive, or really just women in general.
> I try to ask them about them selfs, but all that happens is the convosation just dies and we stop talking. This hapoens both on and offline..
> Any tips?



I've found that women in a geographical area kind of act similar. Women in my area are just absolutely insane in a bad way. Maybe the women in your area are just boring.
Wanna trade?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Kinda enjoying being single at the moment... I dipped my foot in the water and it was colder than I care to deal with at the moment... I'll come back later. 

Every time I give up women for a while I get a LOT of work done musically and my bank account thrives... Yay


----------



## ZEBOV

Konfyouzd said:


> Every time I give up women for a while I get a LOT of work done musically and my bank account thrives... Yay



That's half of why I stay single. My life is so much better without a relationship.


----------



## Konfyouzd

What's the other half?


----------



## Randy

Bitches cray cray


----------



## Blitzie

I don't believe I've shared my story. I think this is worth reading.

I was dating this girl for 3 years. Fell out of love long before we broke up, but she was in school so I never really saw her and because of that, never got to see what kind of problems we really had.

Enter the new girl. She's hot. Hilarious. Musical. Fun. Laid back.

This is how we get together. We barely know each other through a mutual friend. She texts me from a bar and says "hey, my ex-boyfriend was in jail for our whole relationship. I didn't have sex for a year. We've been broken up 3 months. Uncontrollably horny. Want to be fuckbuddies?"

I said "Fuck yes."

We begin talking and fucking. The sex is amazing. She's 130 pounds, DD's, loves to change positions, loves to take chances. When we aren't fucking, she's funny and easy to talk to. We fall for each other. Deeply in love.

After I break it off with the other girl, we start dating. We get a better idea of what one another is like and we just fall for each other more. I ask more about her ex in prison and she goes on to explain to me how he was her best friend before he went to jail. He was in prison for 2 years or so and she was visiting him regularly and writing to him all the time. She went to go see him one day and he admitted that he was in love with her. She decided that "he's my best friend, of course I love him" and decide to begin dating.

They broke up after about a year because his baby momma didn't like the idea of the two of them dating. She was heartbroken but they stayed best friends and carried on like nothing had ever happened. Then her and I meet.

I'm a little uncomfortable with the fact that they're still so close but I know he means a lot to her so I try to be okay with it.

Months into our relationship, I begin to distrust her. She starts talking about how when he gets out of jail, he's going to need a place to stay. She tells me that he's going to be living with her. I obviously took issue with that and she got upset with me over it. Said that I should trust her that nothing would happen between them and that she loves me. One night, she's being sneaky with her phone for some reason. Like, obviously and purposefully hiding it from me. She goes to the bathroom and she's texting another ex of hers and he says "I wish things had been different with us because I really thought we had a future" and she responds with "well, if *insert my name here* doesn't come around and become okay with *insert ex's name here* living with me, we'll break up and you might have another chance." I was livid.

I tell her about it and she calms me down. Tells me that he's drunk and she's just trying to humor him. But then we argue about her ex, again.

Fast forward a few months. We've been getting along but still having arguments sporadically. One night, she's doing laundry when I come over. I sit on the couch and wait for her to come back upstairs and there's a notebook on the couch that looks like it went through the washer. I open it to the page with the pen in it, and it's a letter to him. One of the paragraphs reads "I'm so happy you're back. I've missed you so much. I think about you all the time, you're always on my mind" and then goes into some song lyrics that she heard that made her think of him. I'm really upset and she won't help me. She's mad that I looked at her notebook. I'm "accusing" her of things. I tell her that what she said to him is really more romantic than friendly and she tells me I don't know what I'm talking about.

It gets to the point where we're fighting about him all the time. I'm jealous because she writes him all the time and is always talking about going to see him. I don't like it when she does because every time she comes back, she's distant from me and has this cheesy "in-love" grin on her face. Our relationship quickly deteriorates. The sex stops. We stop being romantic. Everything that makes us a couple came to a grinding halt. We talk about breaking up but neither of us will do it.

She dumps me on Christmas Day.

The next two weeks, she won't talk to me. She made such a big deal about staying friends after we broke up, yet won't talk to me. 

I ask her if she left me for someone else. No.
If she's getting with her ex. No.
If she loves me. Yes.

I got totally fed up with being toyed with and went down to her house to get my stuff (important stuff, like a key to my car) and basically tell her I want nothing to do with her. I finally stand up for myself and tell her that I deserve better and walk out of her life.

She texts me when I get home and tells me that I was more right than she thought. I ask her to explain.

She's in love with her ex. They got back together the morning after she broke up with me.

I'm ruined. I'm shaking. Crying. I can't walk. I'm devastated in every sense of the word. This girl has broken my heart.

I was right about everything. Her feelings for him, her hiding things from me, the lies she told me. I never wanted to be wrong more in my whole life. But my instincts were dead on.

I'm happy the relationship ended. I was unhappy. But 6 months later, and I'm still brokenhearted. I think about her a lot (not as often as before) and what she did to me. It isn't so much that I still love her as much as it is I'm hurt that someone who I "let in" would do such a thing to me. I don't trust anyone anymore. I'm done with dating, courtship. No one is to be trusted. Anyone will hurt you for any reason and love just is not worth it.

I know this was long. But I hope at least someone reads it.


----------



## ZEBOV

Konfyouzd said:


> What's the other half?





Randy said:


> Bitches cray cray



Yeah, the other half is because women around here are absolutely retarded or insane around here. I think I'm one out of few guys that won't let them get away with acting like the way they do. I demand better. This includes my sisters. When my younger sister decided to ram her then boyfriend's truck with her SUV, it's a wonder he didn't shoot her because he had every right to. That was at his house. 
I'm still too pissed off to talk about what happened yesterday, but that bitch is in jail.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Goddamn... 

I feel like ppl say women are crazy everywhere. This leads me to believe that there's either some "new" breed of women that are somehow crazier than they've ever been before, some ppl put up with way too much shit and inadvertantly make it harder on everyone else OR some ppl need to chill out...


----------



## ZEBOV

Dude, it's so fucking bad, I'm trying to move away from here before some bitch leaves me with no choice but to use lethal force. I'm thinking that this is a problem in this geographical area. Perhaps if I move to Colorado where more people smoke weed, there will be fewer bitches there because more women smoke weed and are chilled out. Or maybe women there will be belligerent while high on pot like the girl who punched me in the face about a month ago. She was on pot, went belligerent, and punched me in the face. And people condemn me for defending myself? "A gentleman never strikes a woman." Whoever came up with that pile of shit has obviously never put up with what I go through. I used to deal with this shit on an almost weekly basis because of my job. Now it's not as often simply because I'm not around people as much as I used to be, but it still happens more often than it should.
It's REALLY hard to not be sexist when I've had to deal with this bullshit as much as I have, but I know that sane women exist. They just don't exist here.
I could seriously write a book on this.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Seems to me you run the risk of finding crazy wherever you roam. 

The way it was put to me is there's going to be something offputting about almost everyone you meet if you get to know them to a certain point and it ends up really being a matter of what you're willing to work with.

Some of us have very little wiggle room and some--like yourself--clearly just haven't had very good experiences...


----------



## m3l-mrq3z

ZEBOV said:


> Dude, it's so fucking bad, I'm trying to move away from here before some bitch leaves me with no choice but to use lethal force. I'm thinking that this is a problem in this geographical area. Perhaps if I move to Colorado where more people smoke weed, there will be fewer bitches there because more women smoke weed and are chilled out. Or maybe women there will be belligerent while high on pot like the girl who punched me in the face about a month ago. She was on pot, went belligerent, and punched me in the face. And people condemn me for defending myself? "A gentleman never strikes a woman." Whoever came up with that pile of shit has obviously never put up with what I go through. I used to deal with this shit on an almost weekly basis because of my job. Now it's not as often simply because I'm not around people as much as I used to be, but it still happens more often than it should.
> It's REALLY hard to not be sexist when I've had to deal with this bullshit as much as I have, but I know that sane women exist. They just don't exist here.
> I could seriously write a book on this.



Have you ever punched a guy, Zebov? Just asking, as it seems your anger has only had female victims.


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> Seems to me you run the risk of finding crazy wherever you roam.
> 
> The way it was put to me is there's going to be something offputting about almost everyone you meet if you get to know them to a certain point and it ends up really being a matter of what you're willing to work with.
> 
> Some of us have very little wiggle room and some--like yourself--clearly just haven't had very good experiences...



Bitches are crazy. Just gotta find the kind of crazy you can deal with


----------



## ZEBOV

m3l-mrq3z said:


> Have you ever punched a guy, Zebov? Just asking, as it seems your anger has only had female victims.



Yes. But that's rare. 
And I'm not going to include you in this conversation anymore since all you're trying to do is start shit. That's all you ever really try to do on here.
I suggest that no one else try to include him on this conversation either.


----------



## m3l-mrq3z

Please, don't reproduce.


----------



## ZEBOV

asher said:


> Bitches are crazy. Just gotta find the kind of crazy you can deal with



I can deal with certain kinds of crazy. If I meet a girl who wants to go out and do something crazy and fun like chase tornadoes (because I really am that crazy), then she's mine forever.


----------



## ZEBOV

m3l-mrq3z said:


> Please, don't reproduce.



I have reported you to the mods for rep abuse and for always trying to start shit. Have a nice day.


----------



## Scattered Messiah

Blitzie said:


> <<Lovestory>>


Sounds like a lovestory. it's always a risk and an investment one has to make, sometimes it just works out badly in the end...

I would not blame her too much ...
It's difficult when a relationship is torn apart without not having the opportunity to really "finish" on an emotional level (in this case even twice, you&her, her&exbbf).
She met you, and obviously was in love ... she does not forget him, but there are other priorities (you), she's happy.
In my experience we often don't realize their feelings in a rational way -but more in a "ah, so that's why I did it" way, because for them feelings simply are not rational. Which often leads to us being either totally inable to articulate them in such situations, or to totally overanalyzing things ...
I believe, that she simply did not know what she wanted [maybe the situation of her ex getting to live with her had her emotionaly confused as well], and the whole argument thing created a front between you and "me plus my bf/ex", a very difficult battle for you to win, honestly.

-> she maybe did not even plan to get into a relationship with him, but simply took the chance (frustration etc) as she got singled.

Btw: I don't blame you right now, because her behaviour is not as mature as it should be. and it's difficult to invest trust in a person ...


about being heartbroken: always the same advice, start/force yourself to living again, get to know people. there are hundreds of "the one's"out there, persumably, the trick is to find&catch them ;-)
[I've been in a similar heartbrokeness once ... just stand up again, all wounds heal with the right cure!]

*Brohug*


----------



## The Reverend

Damn, this last page was really depressing.


----------



## Randy

m3l-mrq3z said:


> Please, don't reproduce.





ZEBOV said:


> I have reported you to the mods for rep abuse and for always trying to start shit. Have a nice day.



Neg. rep in question was rude but within parameters for discourse on this forum. However, uncivil personal attacks are a different matter.

Zebov, if you have an issue with somebody resolve it via PM or just report it. Don't feed the troll or you're getting a nap next time, too.


----------



## ZEBOV

Randy said:


> Neg. rep in question was rude but within parameters for discourse on this forum. However, uncivil personal attacks are a different matter.
> 
> Zebov, if you have an issue with somebody resolve it via PM or just report it. Don't feed the troll or you're getting a nap next time, too.



Let it be known in the love and relationships thread that I love Randy!

LEHZ FUKK BEHBEH!


----------



## benduncan

women are fucking crazy and men are fucking stupid


----------



## Idontpersonally

What a perfect time for meme...lets see what we got here...


----------



## Blitzie

Scattered Messiah said:


> I would not blame her too much ...
> It's difficult when a relationship is torn apart without not having the opportunity to really "finish" on an emotional level (in this case even twice, you&her, her&exbbf).
> She met you, and obviously was in love ... she does not forget him, but there are other priorities (you), she's happy.
> In my experience we often don't realize their feelings in a rational way -but more in a "ah, so that's why I did it" way, because for them feelings simply are not rational. Which often leads to us being either totally inable to articulate them in such situations, or to totally overanalyzing things ...
> I believe, that she simply did not know what she wanted [maybe the situation of her ex getting to live with her had her emotionaly confused as well], and the whole argument thing created a front between you and "me plus my bf/ex", a very difficult battle for you to win, honestly.
> 
> -> she maybe did not even plan to get into a relationship with him, but simply took the chance (frustration etc) as she got singled.
> 
> Btw: I don't blame you right now, because her behaviour is not as mature as it should be. and it's difficult to invest trust in a person ...
> 
> *Brohug*



I know that it's easy to see that she isn't at fault at all. But she is. Shit, I was too. Looking back, there were a lot of times that I lost my cool when I shouldn't have. I messed up too but I was always honest.

The problem I have is that she spent the entirety of our relationship trying to convince me that she didn't have feelings for this guy. She swore to me over 100 times (no exaggeration) that things were laid to bed with him.

What I didn't mention in my post is all of the other things that happened that made me mistrust her. Without getting into much detail; constantly lied about where she was, lied about who she was talking to, lied about what she was doing and who she was doing it with, lied about having to work, lied about past relationships, lied about the reasons we weren't having sex...it goes on and on.

And before anyone says anything, I was NOT one of those guys who was always texting and asking who she was with or what she was doing. A lot of the time I only found out she was lying through someone else. Example; she told me one day that she had to go work in her mothers office and wouldn't be able to hang out until after she got out. She "gets out" and texts me to come pick her up so we can go to dinner. We get back to her house and her mom is in the kitchen and asks "I thought you were coming to work today. What happened?" and she had nothing to say to either of us. Wouldn't say why she lied or where she had been all day.

I ended up in therapy because she made me believe I was a controlling, manipulative asshole and was being completely irrational about her relationship with her ex. She recommended that I go see a therapist so they can tell me that I'm overreacting and that I have nothing to worry about. So I began going.

Shockingly, my therapist agreed with me that him living with her was wildly unhealthy and that I have every right to be uncomfortable with her relationship with him. My ex even came to several therapy sessions with me so she could have her "fair say" and even after 6 hours of therapy with the two of us, my therapist still maintained that she was the one being manipulative. She was making me believe that I was this terrible person because I couldn't handle what was happening. She made me feel awful for having reasonable feelings. Those things were absolutely intentional and unquestionably her fault.


----------



## flint757

It isn't shocking at all that your therapist agreed with you honestly. You had every reason in this instance for being paranoid and it turns out you were right and the outcome was what you originally feared. It's manipulation to get distant, lie and threaten to get your way and based on your post that is exactly what she did. Sounds to me like she is used to things going her way which means her sense of norm is way off center.

Definitely was best for it to just end honestly, especially if she ignored the therapist. She is in serious denial and at this point cannot be helped emotionally. Whether she was aware of it or not, truth is if you stuck it out she would have eventually cheated on you because subconsciously she never fully got over her ex, whether she would admit it or not at the time. 

That one bathroom text you mentioned sounded like "If he doesn't let me have the opportunity to 'accidentally' cheat on him I'll leave him and immediately date you again" which sounds insane to me dude.


----------



## Blitzie

flint757 said:


> It isn't shocking at all that your therapist agreed with you honestly. You had every reason in this instance for being paranoid and it turns out you were right and the outcome was what you originally feared. It's manipulation to get distant, lie and threaten to get your way and based on your post that is exactly what she did. Sounds to me like she is used to things going her way which means her sense of norm is way off center.
> 
> Definitely was best for it to just end honestly, especially if she ignored the therapist. She is in serious denial and at this point cannot be helped emotionally. Whether she was aware of it or not, truth is if you stuck it out she would have eventually cheated on you because subconsciously she never fully got over her ex, whether she would admit it or not at the time.
> 
> That one bathroom text you mentioned sounded like "If he doesn't let me have the opportunity to 'accidentally' cheat on him I'll leave him and immediately date you again" which sounds insane to me dude.



 this.

Pretty much exactly what I think. I was being sarcastic by saying I was shocked 

But she's definitely emotionally stunted in some way. If you all knew her like I do/did, even at the end when she decided to leave me, she was too proud to admit that she was at fault at all. It was unbelievable that, despite the fact that she got back with him THE DAY AFTER we broke up, she denied that she planned on getting back together with him. 

"It just happened."

She absolutely would have ended up cheating on me with him, especially when he moved in with her. It was inevitable. I'm very happy that it ended before it could get to that point, mostly because she fancies herself as infallible, she would never tell me if she had cheated. She'd just find something I had done and blame that for leaving me.

Thanks for your input guys. I've been dealing with this for 6 months and I've only just decided to start letting it out. I appreciate the input and the attention.

I've also continued to see my therapist. She literally saved my life when my ex left me. I owe her a lot. I have a lot of abandonment issues and things of that nature and I want to work on myself. I want to be the best version of me I can be so that I can have some hope for my romantic future.


----------



## Mendez

From experience I can say that more often than not my instincts have been correct. I've dated women long enough that it gets to the point where either her or me start doubting the relationship or just not enjoying it anymore. I can feel when things start going sour from the women's side, but being a loser lol or just too hopeful, I continue trying my best to return it to 'happy' status. In the end the relationship will end.

Now when I've gotten too involved with a girl and she breaks my heart, that's when things get complicated. It's truly hard as hell to move on, but the only thing that helps is time. No shortcuts to overcoming a heart break sadly 

Best of luck man. You can overcome that and find the right one.


----------



## flint757

I was torn up for about a year after my last breakup. Still haven't gotten back on the horse, but I find I attract the wrong kind of people so I'm trying to work on myself so that I can start to attract the right kind of people. 

Time heals all pain.


----------



## Idontpersonally

huge+1 to this^. Not much else to add to that really..






oh yea @ church make sure you talk to all kinds of different types of girls too btw.. you seem like a nice guy, dating should be fun. Its a numbers game ie probability and potential, your whole goal is to narrow down the potentials and i was totally serious about the $$ thing, be prepared to invest if ya havent set aside a budget already. Purdy sure that covers just about everything...


----------



## Scattered Messiah

> I want to be the best version of me I can be so that I can have some hope for my romantic future.


Make the reason simpler: try to be the best version of yourself for yourself 
that way it won't all depend on girls, the more you focus on such things, the less sucess you'll have.

But yeah, I guess it's difficult to judge/analize an extremely emotional situation based on some subjective text...
Instincts might often be right, but it might as well be your ego / your own weaknesses playing games with you. However the way you put it now it really seems like she was a manipulative b....erson.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^yes...

I've never understood the theory of being a "better" person for others. That definition will change 6.5 billion times if your only definition of a good person is based on expecting a certain outcome from your interactions with everyone.

Be the person you see yourself being. People will always agree or disagree with you, but you'll find that being someone else's definition of a better person may very well leave you feeling just as you did prior.


----------



## Church2224

Idontpersonally said:


> huge+1 to this^. Not much else to add to that really..
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> oh yea @ church make sure you talk to all kinds of different types of girls too btw.. you seem like a nice guy, dating should be fun. Its a numbers game ie probability and potential, your whole goal is to narrow down the potentials and i was totally serious about the $$ thing, be prepared to invest if ya havent set aside a budget already. Purdy sure that covers just about everything...



Thanks man, although I think I already have the type of girls I want to be with. My issue is not talking to them period, I have quite a few friends who are girls, four of them off the top of my head are damn hot, it is just trying to find the right ones. Also going out to talk to new women, and people in general, is a huge challenge for me. I have had bad anxiety period since I was younger. 

As I have said to many people in my life, just because you have not dated anyone, does not mean you do not know what type of person you want to be with. I rarely get emotionally attached to women, sadly,when I do, it is a certain type of women, and I fall hard. I also only know of two that have come into my life that fit that criteria. And no, it is not looks, but something much deeper than that. Church has his own list he needs to observe about some one before he makes a commitment. Very few pass.

Also, in terms of cash, I rather spend that on guitars anyway 

I also might stop looking at this thread, it depresses the living hell out of me every time I check it out. Can we PLEASE have more success stories


----------



## Konfyouzd

I've decided not to kick my drummer out of the band... For now...

There's half a success story...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Joined okcupid.com for fun... I've been laughing my ass off at these matches they've been sending me. Well... More the way they divide my results into categories... 

For instance... According to my matches based on the 400 some odd questions I answered on the ride home from work (Yea, son... My commute is like that)... I am best suited for a woman in Massachusetts or Slovenia.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Konfyouzd said:


> Joined okcupid.com for fun... I've been laughing my ass off at these matches they've been sending me. Well... More the way they divide my results into categories...
> 
> For instance... According to my matches based on the 400 some odd questions I answered on the ride home from work (Yea, son... My commute is like that)... I am best suited for a woman in Massachusetts or Slovenia.


Ya could just set it to people "near you" instead


----------



## Konfyouzd

Oh it does that too but I just thought that was a really funny email to get.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Last time i was on OKC they matched me up with a couch and some lotion 
*Baduhm tss*


But na seriously POF is where it's at imo if you were going to go that route.
Ive met a few girls off POF but more often than not theyre not all that 'fun outgoing and down to earth' as they say... could be the area though.... have you met anyone on either of them?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Yea I was on that one before... Seems like ppl just use that one to get some. Seems like that's all anyone uses any of the free ones for. I just wanna browse what's available periodically although I may try that other one at some point... Perhaps a higher volume of women will make me less jaded...

So far my "matches"--at least in writing--are a whole lot of the same old thing.

Perhaps I'm just so angry bc I haven't come to terms with the fact that I'm asexual... I'm not sure whether or not there's a closet involved with that one.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Gotcha. I let myself do all the matching for sure, i dont say exactly who/what im looking for, just short simple stuff because people barely read profiles. I jut let the law of averages do the work, but yea now that you mention it, ive never found anything long term online but ive only tried the free ones.

ive been hearing a lot about pansexuality l8ly, still not sure what that or asexual is.. guess i could just google...
but i know every bi girl ive dated has tried to turn me gay... not that theres anything wrong with that... just an observation i kind of feel like theyre all versions of bi but idk


----------



## Metal_Webb

Well last Monday I made an offhand comment on an acquaintance's facebook photo from Minecraft. Next thing I know I've been chatting with her friend who enjoys video games for a fucking large portion of the last week or so 
Conversation escalated rather quickly from chatting about stuff to pretty full on flirting so when we were doing a bit of what if:

Her - Come on, think of something.
Me - Hmmmm
Me - What if I asked you what day next week you'd be free for dinner?
I call it being a smooth operator haha

All tee-d up for a dinner date  Had to bump it back a bit though due to her old man visiting town for a couple of days. But yeah. I've just been myself and it seems she gets my humour and wants to chat as much as possible (not in a psycho clingy way either, lets me be when I'm doing work or playing games!)
Of course I know IRL meetups are quite different to chatting over the net, but I'm feeling a lot more confident about myself than I have in the past. I'll just put on a good shirt and keep being myself.
Feels good man, feels good


----------



## SjPedro

All these okcupid stories remind me of a few times I met girls from there IRL.

One was downright crazy and with strange philosophies. 
one other was kinda bipolar. liked me one minute and in the other hated me only to discover she liked me yet again and to discover she hated me again all over...

a few nice ones but it came down to not having much in common. 

at the moment I don't really pay any attention to the site since i am in a relationship for the past 11 months and 2 days  
that was a cool story but I won't bother you guys with the details of how I met my girlfriend lol


----------



## Idontpersonally

I love stories like those....Reminds me of this troll i met online. Almost literally looked like a troll, super short, her body was like merged into one i cant describe it but it didnt really have a shape. Her grill kinda jacked, no neck...looked nothing thing like her pics and yes i banged her.. She got lost trying to get to my house and was crying so i felt bad, even though when she said the guy she tried to hook up w/ earlier that day ditched her..that should have been a red flag. :\... Thats why i dont date online anymore, im way too easy...


----------



## Church2224

Looks like I think I am my own worst enemy when it comes to women. I was talking to my, well, rather gorgeous friend and this is pretty much how one part the convo went-

Friend- Kevin you have no idea how much I think of you. 
Me- Wait, Really? 
Friend- Yes! Oh my god, Kevin, you are just so sweet, kind, generous, extremely mature, and YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT AND YOU GO FOR IT (Big emphasis on that last part)

So, I am guessing I have been some attractive characteristics to women all along, and I am the only one who did not notice it?!?!


----------



## -42-

Church2224 said:


> So, I am guessing I have been some attractive characteristics to women all along, and I am the only one who did not notice it?!?!


That's every man on the planet, dude.


----------



## asher

Church2224 said:


> Looks like I think I am my own worst enemy when it comes to women. I was talking to my, well, rather gorgeous friend and this is pretty much how one part the convo went-
> 
> Friend- Kevin you have no idea how much I think of you.
> Me- Wait, Really?
> Friend- Yes! Oh my god, Kevin, you are just so sweet, kind, generous, extremely mature, and YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT AND YOU GO FOR IT (Big emphasis on that last part)
> 
> So, I am guessing I have been some attractive characteristics to women all along, and I am the only one who did not notice it?!?!








But yeah, basically.

edit: it should probably be seen as a corollary to confidence.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Already left OKC...

What I've learned:

I'm more shallow than I thought...

How I found this out:

I checked out a few chicks on there. I didn't find any of them particularly attractive physically. Now I know this isn't the only thing to consider but if I'm just browsing the internet looking at pics and readings ppls descriptions of THEMSELVES I don't really have much to go on.

Then I took a look at the women that were visiting my page... 

First of all, they were all fucking hideous. I'm not that sexy mysefl; takes one to know one. Not only that, most of them will say things like they're not just lookin' to bone or whatever but 90% of the chicks that visitied my site were--according to the questions we answer on there--not even suitable to be my FRIEND much less anything else.

Online dating sites--and perhaps dating in general--are simply not for me.

The more I dabble in it the more I'm glad I'm single--some days anyway...


----------



## UnderTheSign

I always love to share OKC success & failure stories. I've had 3 dates through there since signing up in mid January. One was terrible but that might've been partially my mistake - we were really cool when messaging but IRL I just didn't feel attracted to her and didn't feel a "click"/spark so I had a hard time even trying to _look_ enthousiastic and our conversations were kinda lame. The second one was awesome and ended in cuddling on my couch and while we didn't end up as a couple we're really good friends and send eachother funny shit on a daily basis. The third was nice and I liked the girl but she lived with her ex who would kick her out if he found out I almost banged her in his house... She's back in a relationship with him now and I was somewhat relieved when I heard that.

I've been chatting to a couple of others, one of who I have a date planned with (sushi dinner, never eaten the stuff so she quickly seized the opportunity to tell me she'd take me to her favorite sushi place) and which, so far, seems to have longer term potential. I'm guessing there are some issues she's hiding as for all I know she's an intelligent university student that loves music, lame jokes and is into me... We'll see.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

-42- said:


> That's every man on the planet, dude.



And myself (and presumably many others) see that and think "Yep. Every man on the planet. Except me."


----------



## Idontpersonally

Online dating is just different i dont think its shallow to browse based on looks. Even the most average/ugly looking woman can be a goddess online. Women get hundreds of messages a day so all they have to rely on is your pic and profile. It can work but its usually hit or miss Ime. You could be compatible with them but they reply based on superficial criteria as well[mostly income ]. like you said though i think women rarely use it to actually date. Personally i think its more of an attention/boredom thing for the majority of them. 
If youve been talking to a girl for a while but never end up dating her its because shes dating someone already irl.


I do have somewhat of a success story even though were only friends. I hadnt heard from her in a while but the last thing i sent her was that one man metal documentary just to show her what i was all about. Turns out it didnt creep her out and she said she removed her social conditioning and black metal doesnt scare her anymore.



She said she was missing the friendship aspect of a relationship and since we've been talking ive noticed that about mine. I treat my current gf like a guy. Theyre both cancers and her '"kind of ex bf" is a scorpio like me so thats all we talk about.
Then somehow she finds another scorpio on some online dating thing[she thinks she has us figured out]... Idk oh yea and fuck..The amount of kids you have to deal with fuck... The hottest ones have the most kids, in my area anyway....

*smoke break*





Even though shes less drama mental wise, she's still kind of possessive and could never be the wing girl type. Everything else on point though, Ive never been able to be so transparent with someone who didnt in turn use that against me later in an argument or as a way of control. She's genuinely a nice person, divorced but not phased and can tolerate metal..and full blooded italian and a milf way past the game phase.


----------



## piggins411

Sometimes I feel there is a goddamn government conspiracy to keep me single
. After two straight years of meeting girls I'm into who have serious boyfriends, I finally manage to get a date with someone (first time in about 3-ish years). We go out, and it was fantastic. She was funny, intelligent, musically inclined, awesomely goofy, and I managed to not vomit on her from nervousness. It was all very natural, and we both had a good time. Plus I found a guitar in the trash the same night. Just an overall win of a day. Fast forward to a few days later and I text her to see if she's back in town. No response. No biggie. So another day I see of she wants to go to the park. No response again. Ok. Another day comes, I send her a message on Facebook thinking, "Well, there's no way she won't see that." No response. Now I feel like she's avoiding me. I finally wait to send a message WHILE SHE'S ONLINE and STILL no response. I literally just said "Hi!" So now I pretty firmly believe she's avoiding me and I have NO idea why. I had no contact with her for a few days, so it's not like I said something stupid or sent her a picture of my dick or something. Fuck me, right?


----------



## muffinbutton

piggins411 said:


> Sometimes I feel there is a goddamn government conspiracy to keep me single
> . After two straight years of meeting girls I'm into who have serious boyfriends, I finally manage to get a date with someone (first time in about 3-ish years). We go out, and it was fantastic. She was funny, intelligent, musically inclined, awesomely goofy, and I managed to not vomit on her from nervousness. It was all very natural, and we both had a good time. Plus I found a guitar in the trash the same night. Just an overall win of a day. Fast forward to a few days later and I text her to see if she's back in town. No response. No biggie. So another day I see of she wants to go to the park. No response again. Ok. Another day comes, I send her a message on Facebook thinking, "Well, there's no way she won't see that." No response. Now I feel like she's avoiding me. I finally wait to send a message WHILE SHE'S ONLINE and STILL no response. I literally just said "Hi!" So now I pretty firmly believe she's avoiding me and I have NO idea why. I had no contact with her for a few days, so it's not like I said something stupid or sent her a picture of my dick or something. Fuck me, right?



This is what happened between my (former) best friend and I after we broke up. "Yeah we'll stay friends" "ok!" I tried talking to her and she wouldn't respond, or she would tell me she's too busy to talk (every second of every day ) or that she tried texting me and the messages must not have gone through (bullshit!). I later found out that she had time to talk to the guy that cheated on her and she had time to do drugs. That's the shorter version.


----------



## JP Universe

Church2224 said:


> I also might stop looking at this thread, it depresses the living hell out of me every time I check it out. Can we PLEASE have more success stories


 
About 5 months ago I posted in here (bottom of page 209) saying how I'm absolutely pumped about this girl etc etc....

After a visit to each other and 4 months later I'm happy to say we're in love and I'm now making the move over to be with her. I've spoken to her everyday in the last 4 months long distance and I can't get enough of her  and she feels the same  Best relationship I've ever been in and that's really saying something considering we can't be with each other physically all the time.....

I've found the one that's for sure, everythings perfect. Best looking/personality/chemistry/common interest girlfriend I've ever had and my perfect match  It was all meant to be. To all the younger guys on here freaking out about dating etc we all go through heartbreak and experiences with woman in which you will grow from but you will find the right girl for you eventually 

In the last year I focused on being my best self after my last break up and I got fit, dominated at work and now the girl of my dreams has fallen into place. Just gotta get a new job and move now 

Edit - I just noticed my rep penis bar grew a little longer on this post..... oh giggity!!!


----------



## tacotiklah

Well I finally did it. After almost a year and a half of empty promises and contemptible neglect, I finally got tired of my bf's shit and just dumped him. It will be rough being lonely, but at least I'm not being lead on anymore.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Church2224 said:


> I also might stop looking at this thread, it depresses the living hell out of me every time I check it out. Can we PLEASE have more success stories



Okay then. 

So i got over my breakup relatively easily (been there done that, you learn to live... plus i was over the BS). so one day after spring break (back in march) i had cut all my long amazingly beautiful metal hair off (donated it), it was replaced with something that is honestly more attractive (but less fun at a concert). so im walking by our campus starbucks and i see a lady classmate who i had worked with the previous semester. we always say 'hi' to each other and whatnot. but anyhow she did a double take when she saw me and complimented me on the hair, i sit down a little ways away from them and keep looking up at her admittedly to check her out. 

after she orders her coffee she stays put while her friend keeps walking, i glance up to she what is going on right after she says bye to her friend and she glances over my way. eye contact... no use in pretending she didn't catch me looking, i smile and she smiles back, walks over my way and begins asking me about my semester and what classes im taking in the fall (turns out we're in a few together). 

we've had little conversations like this about three more times throughout the semester and the other day she came over to me to vent about finals (last week) and whatnot. i asked what she had left to do and how many finals she had to take (gearing up for the question of if she was available at all for a coffee or something later that week), but before i could ask she mentioned her parents were coming by to visit and she was freaking out because she had so much to do still..... i guess im saving that question til next semester, and really can't wait to reconnect in the fall. i cant see her in the summer because she lives in San Francisco, so hopefully she returns to school single  i should actually have time to get to know someone then... whereas this semester i was constantly working.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

Still, why not at least mention doing something next semester? Summer's a long time.


----------



## TheDuatAwaits

Metal_Webb said:


> Well last Monday I made an offhand comment on an acquaintance's facebook photo from Minecraft. Next thing I know I've been chatting with her friend who enjoys video games for a fucking large portion of the last week or so
> Conversation escalated rather quickly from chatting about stuff to pretty full on flirting so when we were doing a bit of what if:
> 
> Her - Come on, think of something.
> Me - Hmmmm
> Me - What if I asked you what day next week you'd be free for dinner?
> I call it being a smooth operator haha
> 
> All tee-d up for a dinner date  Had to bump it back a bit though due to her old man visiting town for a couple of days. But yeah. I've just been myself and it seems she gets my humour and wants to chat as much as possible (not in a psycho clingy way either, lets me be when I'm doing work or playing games!)
> Of course I know IRL meetups are quite different to chatting over the net, but I'm feeling a lot more confident about myself than I have in the past. I'll just put on a good shirt and keep being myself.
> Feels good man, feels good



Keep us updated brotha.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Hey guys, off topic but Church posted on his facebook this morning that he's going to the hospital this morning, so let's please keep him in our thoughts. 
Hope you're okay Kevin!


----------



## Church2224

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> Hey guys, off topic but Church posted on his facebook this morning that he's going to the hospital this morning, so let's please keep him in our thoughts.
> Hope you're okay Kevin!



Thank you so much man, I really need the support right now.


----------



## danger5oh

Get well soon, Church!

Back on topic: my wife and I just celebrated our first anniversary! And for once my plans weren't shitty... took her to the restaurant that we went to on our first date and sat at the exact same table. Awwwww...


----------



## texshred777

Church2224 said:


> Thank you so much man, I really need the support right now.


 
Well, you've got a bunch of us on here who care, bro. Get well, and take care. I'll holler at you later so we can finish our convo.


----------



## JEngelking

WE LOVE YOU KEVIN! - YouTube

Feel better soon dude!


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Captain Shoggoth said:


> Still, why not at least mention doing something next semester? Summer's a long time.



I have her number and we've texted already. i plan to keep in touch with her throughout the summer if i can. but we're both interning (and i am loading myself up with extra work too) so i'll make the most of what i can 



Church2224 said:


> Thank you so much man, I really need the support right now.



hospitals suck man, get better and continue to impress ladies... also play up the medical sympathy card!... but get better first


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Happy story here:

A girl I've known for 3 years now confessed she really liked me back then, but was too shy to tell me. The funny thing is I was the same so we kinda went past eachother until yesterday.

Today she was here, for the first time in all the years we know eachother, and we hooked up just about immediately. Let's hope for a healthy and long relationship here, it'll be my first


----------



## texshred777

YJGB said:


> Happy story here:
> 
> A girl I've known for 3 years now confessed she really liked me back then, but was too shy to tell me. The funny thing is I was the same so we kinda went past eachother until yesterday.
> 
> Today she was here, for the first time in all the years we know eachother, and we hooked up just about immediately. Let's hope for a healthy and long relationship here, it'll be my first


 
Good for you, man. Hope things work out well with you.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

texshred777 said:


> Good for you, man. Hope things work out well with you.



Thanks man, it looks very bright and happy. But if it doesn't work out: I'm still young, enough time to start up again, right?


----------



## Scattered Messiah

In my martial arts school, in the beginners course, there is a really hot chick showing up once and a while since a few weeks.
Saturday I am doing the course, she was there for the first time ... So I asked her afterwards (I always stay longer, training on my own stuff for some more hours), if she'd like to have a coffee with me sometimes next week. Conversation went as follows:

me: So, wanna meet up for a coffe sometimes next week?
[Realizing, that I stink of sweat, have totally wet hair and am drenched all over while she has just showered... maybe this was a stupid idea?^^]
her: you mean as a date?
me: yeah ... I am in desperate need of coffee and distraction from my Bachelorthesis ;-)
she: I'd really like to ...[hesitates]... but I have a friend?
me: [raising an eyebrow] ...
she: [grins] ... when youre here next week?

so, I have an obvious date on wednesday, after training ... should be funny xD


----------



## texshred777

YJGB said:


> Thanks man, it looks very bright and happy. But if it doesn't work out: I'm still young, enough time to start up again, right?


 
Right. 

Just remember to be honest, and communicate. That, and don't take her for granted.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

texshred777 said:


> Right.
> 
> Just remember to be honest, and communicate. That, and don't take her for granted.



I'm always honest, painfully honest even, communication is my second name, and I won't even think about letting this one get away


----------



## User Name

okay guys ive got a little situation here. i usually try to stay out of these sorts of threads as i feel it is a little strange to talk about this stuff haha. but heres the sitch.

okay so i am in college and have a girlfriend i have been dating somewhat happily for over 6 months or so. i would consider myself happy with our relationship. although often times it seems boring or even just routine. and we do fight quite a bit. 

however like i said i am in college, and i am on the track team, and there is this very attractive girl on the team. this last weekend was division finals so we spent alot of time together and get along great. i feel really bad saying this but i had much better times with her those few days than i ever really have had with my current girlfriend. and i know she likes me because she asked me to lunch. but being the fantastic boyfriend i am i refused,because im not cheater. 

but i want to know what you guys' opinions are on this. do you think my relationship has grown old and tiresome and its time to put it down and maybe start something up with this girl who i really like? or should i just tough it out?

its a difficult situation because we were just considering moving in with eachother. and i know if i ended things it would kill her. thoughts? 

sorry for all that. just needed to vent sort of and get some advice.


----------



## asher

User Name said:


> okay guys ive got a little situation here. i usually try to stay out of these sorts of threads as i feel it is a little strange to talk about this stuff haha. but heres the sitch.
> 
> okay so i am in college and have a girlfriend i have been dating somewhat happily for over 6 months or so. i would consider myself happy with our relationship. although often times it seems boring or even just routine. and we do fight quite a bit.
> 
> however like i said i am in college, and i am on the track team, and there is this very attractive girl on the team. this last weekend was division finals so we spent alot of time together and get along great. i feel really bad saying this but i had much better times with her those few days than i ever really have had with my current girlfriend. and i know she likes me because she asked me to lunch. but being the fantastic boyfriend i am i refused,because im not cheater.
> 
> but i want to know what you guys' opinions are on this. do you think my relationship has grown old and tiresome and its time to put it down and maybe start something up with this girl who i really like? or should i just tough it out?
> 
> its a difficult situation because we were just considering moving in with eachother. and i know if i ended things it would kill her. thoughts?
> 
> sorry for all that. just needed to vent sort of and get some advice.



You've only been dating for six months, already fight a bunch, feel bored, and you're planning on moving on?


----------



## User Name

asher said:


> You've only been dating for six months, already fight a bunch, feel bored, and you're planning on moving on?



do you mean as in moving on from the relationship? do you think i should keep with it?


----------



## flint757

He's saying all of that is going on and you are having second thoughts and it has only been 6 months. I think he is implying it is dead in the water. 

If you aren't happy move on especially before you move in together because then things get real complicated. Only 2 things you should consider though: Have you (and her) attempted at all to make it a happy, fun relationship and you need to realize that everything is fun in the beginning typically (honeymoon period), so realize you may end up in the same boat 6 months from now if you are partially to blame to begin with.


----------



## User Name

thanks for the clarification flint. 

i have indeed tried to make it fun, having us go out places. but she is just not the active type and is just always extremely negative. we really do not have much in common at all. 

that is what i think makes me so attracted to this other girl, we have tons in common. of course we are both on the schools track team so we are obviously both rather athletic. and she is outdoorsey just like me. i simply think there is a better chance at a good happy relationship with her. but i dont know even where to begin ending it with this other girl, or if its really the right thing to do.


----------



## flint757

Yeah, active and non-active people rarely work together in my experience. Based on your assessment I'd say you'd be making a wise choice to end things now before y'all move in together and trying again with someone you are able to connect with better. People say opposites attract and in some cases that may be true. May be true just with certain topics/personalities/activity's in general, but active and non-active leaves too little in common for anyone to be enjoying themselves 100% when time is spent together.

My last relationship actually sounds a lot like yours.  She never wanted to do anything active or around others. It got boring and old fast...


----------



## asher

Man. I thought I typed moving _in_, my bad. My post should make a lot more sense now 

But, yeah, I think you should probably move on and see what happens with this one - sounds like your old one is indeed dead in the water to me.


----------



## Scattered Messiah

In what I heard and experienced from friends and myself, I came to this conclusion:
the ability of being able to tend to a relationship in an healthy matter (so that it stays interesting, that you avoid routine, preventing one person overpowering another, how to tend to the whole jealousy thing...) is subjected to a HUGE learning curve.

that's the main reason, why most first or secondrelationships don't work out.

-> your situation:
just think about it, if the relationship is really worth it, as it is now (the investion of moving in is huge).
then think how one could improve the situation.
if there's nothing and you find the other one still attractive/interesting in a week or so, I would really think about datin her ;-)


----------



## Asrial

@User name: I agree with a lot of guys here. It seems the relationship is dead. Just ask yourself if you want to keep up with it, and if you don't, a breakup is at order. The last thing you want to do is to move in and immediately after break up, that just calls for a bad situation.

Also, on a more upbeat note, I recently had 3 months to celebrate with my current girlfriend. We're still very happy for eachother, gave her a necklace as a testament to that, and not looking like it's dying out in the near future. No fights, no misunderstandings, just bliss and a healthy relationship. She started playing Magic: the Gathering, and I'm going horse-riding in the near future.
I've honestly never felt better in my life at this point.


----------



## User Name

wow thanks for all the input guys! i think it is probably best to end this one before things go too far like you guys said. but i just have no clue how to end it! because really as far as she knows i am as happy as can be with our relationship as-is.


----------



## UnderTheSign

User Name said:


> wow thanks for all the input guys! i think it is probably best to end this one before things go too far like you guys said. but i just have no clue how to end it! because really as far as she knows i am as happy as can be with our relationship as-is.


Time for a "we gotta talk" text


----------



## flint757

User Name said:


> wow thanks for all the input guys! i think it is probably best to end this one before things go too far like you guys said. but i just have no clue how to end it! because really as far as she knows i am as happy as can be with our relationship as-is.



Just sit down and talk with her. If she is full on committed to sticking it out, and you adamantly want to move on, don't let her talk you into working it out or staying (unless you truly want to). In other words, don't let her guilt trip you. Just don't do the it's not you it's me speech.  Tell her you care about her, but the truth is you 2 don't have a lot in common and that has put a lot of strain on the relationship and that you feel it is best for the both of y'all to move on or something like that.


----------



## User Name

thanks! i guess i will need to do this, but i am extremely hesitant to. there is a big story behind me and this girls relationship. as she comes from a bad background. her parents being divorced and abusive she had a pretty messed up childhood and even several times when she was younger attempted to commit suicide. needless to say i sort of began dating her because she was attracted to me and i felt sympathy towards her and i somewhat feel i am the glue that is holding her together. because i know i would never be able to forgive myself if i broke things off with her and then she went and did something crazy.


----------



## flint757

You'll eventually have to do it though. The sooner the better if she is genuinely like that. As much as it sucks going through with the breakup it is the best thing you could do. That's a terrible thing to hold over someones head. My first girlfriend was like that, although she was just being manipulative, and it just makes the relationship worse. If you don't intend on letting that reason hold you down forever then it honestly doesn't matter when you do it. Just remember that she holds the key to her own future and happiness. Same goes for you.

Since she tried and failed in the past I'm guessing she doesn't really want to die honestly. Someone who truly wants to commit suicide succeeds.


----------



## asher

User Name said:


> thanks! i guess i will need to do this, but i am extremely hesitant to. there is a big story behind me and this girls relationship. as she comes from a bad background. her parents being divorced and abusive she had a pretty messed up childhood and even several times when she was younger attempted to commit suicide. needless to say i sort of began dating her because she was attracted to me and i felt sympathy towards her and i somewhat feel i am the glue that is holding her together. because i know i would never be able to forgive myself if i broke things off with her and then she went and did something crazy.



Talk to her friends, make sure they know to pay attention to her. Make sure somebody does, then. 

But like: I understand the urge, but you probably shouldn't have started dating her in the first place, because now this is going to happen instead, and in all honesty this will probably hurt her more than you just having never been into her.


----------



## User Name

asher said:


> Talk to her friends, make sure they know to pay attention to her. Make sure somebody does, then.
> 
> But like: I understand the urge, but you probably shouldn't have started dating her in the first place, because now this is going to happen instead, and in all honesty this will probably hurt her more than you just having never been into her.


i understand, this i feel was the biggest mistake of it all


----------



## Scattered Messiah

I wouldn't say yo should never have dated her.
If you had a good time, then it was worth it - it simply turns out not to work in the long term.

About breakpus:
it's all about the tone, style and the communication - and knowing how to manipulate your partner.
unfortunately it's much easier to perform a really ....ed up breakup than a good one :-/

The best idea is to talk to her, in a relaxed, neutral environment.
Just explain your feelings about the relationship to her (pointing out why you think it is not ok as it is now, and why you think it won't work out in the future), be honest without being offensive or hurtful (meaning: don't necessarily mention the possible, new girl in a specific way ... that's like lowest register).
You should know her well enough to predict her reactions, and prepare some tricks to deescalate things ...

Always tell her first. You never know, how fast shit like this leaks!

Often it helps to get some distance for some time - many people find the "let's just stay friends" to be a real stab in the back ... I mean, she just got emotionally tackled by you, maybe is still caring for you in a way that won't allow a healthy friendship and now she has no opportunity to "hide" (depends on the type of person and your both social integration areas, however).


Edit: and, yeah! as flint said... never get yourself in a "it's not me ... it's you" or an "it's not you, it's me" type of situation


----------



## User Name

Scattered Messiah said:


> I wouldn't say yo should never have dated her.
> If you had a good time, then it was worth it - it simply turns out not to work in the long term.
> 
> About breakpus:
> it's all about the tone, style and the communication - and knowing how to manipulate your partner.
> unfortunately it's much easier to perform a really ....ed up breakup than a good one :-/
> 
> The best idea is to talk to her, in a relaxed, neutral environment.
> Just explain your feelings about the relationship to her (pointing out why you think it is not ok as it is now, and why you think it won't work out in the future), be honest without being offensive or hurtful (meaning: don't necessarily mention the possible, new girl in a specific way ... that's like lowest register).
> You should know her well enough to predict her reactions, and prepare some tricks to deescalate things ...
> 
> Always tell her first. You never know, how fast shit like this leaks!
> 
> Often it helps to get some distance for some time - many people find the "let's just stay friends" to be a real stab in the back ... I mean, she just got emotionally tackled by you, maybe is still caring for you in a way that won't allow a healthy friendship and now she has no opportunity to "hide" (depends on the type of person and your both social integration areas, however).
> 
> 
> Edit: and, yeah! as flint said... never get yourself in a "it's not me ... it's you" or an "it's not you, it's me" type of situation



thanks for that man, i just did it. i couldnt do it face to face i called her on the phone (i may be a loser but not enough of one to do it over text lol) and she took it pretty hard. i said we should both take a break so she can see if she really thinks she needs me and so i can think about some things. 

i couldnt quite bring myself for a full on break up. but i am hoping over this "break" she will lose all need and desire of me. i hope.


----------



## texshred777

Or take it as a sign that she needs to try harder.

Honesty is the best policy, man. It'll hurt more today but not drag it out any longer. By telling her a break, she may take it as such. We all know what that means, but I recall a recent thread on the topic..


----------



## UnderTheSign

texshred777 said:


> Or take it as a sign that she needs to try harder.
> 
> Honesty is the best policy, man. It'll hurt more today but not drag it out any longer. By telling her a break, she may take it as such. We all know what that means, but I recall a recent thread on the topic..


I was gonna mention that too when I read your post but then you did it... Yeah, remember _those_ 10 pages?


----------



## Metal_Webb

Date night tonight! Both of us are pretty keen


----------



## asher

Metal_Webb said:


> Date night tonight! Both of us are pretty keen



Break a leg man!


----------



## MFB

asher said:


> Break a leg man!



Breaking a leg is no way to start or end a date mister


----------



## piggins411

^ He may be trying to work a sympathy angle


----------



## MFB

piggins411 said:


> ^ He may be trying to work a sympathy angle



Then he should feel terrible for trying to get an in with a woman under false pretenses and I say again  and raise one more 


Now I see why Brits are fans of dry humor


----------



## tm20

Metal_Webb said:


> Date night tonight! Both of us are pretty keen



good luck  just a quick question for you all, do you think it's ever to late to say hi to someone? or do you think there's a period of time where you have a chance and after that it's gone forever?


----------



## Metal_Webb

tm20 said:


> good luck  just a quick question for you all, do you think it's ever to late to say hi to someone? or do you think there's a period of time where you have a chance and after that it's gone forever?



Cheers dude! It's never too late to say hello, just do it man!


Date went well, we sat and chatted for about 3 1/2 hours. She seems a bit lacking in self confidence with stuff, but she told me that, so I'm happy to take time with physical activities. That being said, going to dinner with her and a few of her friends (who are acquaintances of mine anyway) on Friday then we're going to the footy Saturday week. Yep. Feeling rather happy about the whole thing


----------



## Konfyouzd

Joined POF again at the suggestion of some of you folks... Got a message almost instantly... Things went well until day 2 when she tried to insinuate that I'm somehow less mature than her bc I don't want to rush into marriage/kids...

DAY 2, son... Dafuq...?

My dad told me once that once women hit about 28 they become a new, more desperate beast... I think I'm seeing that first hand. Every chick I meet either has kids and wants me to act like a daddy as soon as I meet her or they're single with no kids and expect a ring within a set time frame... 

Somehow I feel like believing in the notion that getting married or having babies makes you grown is the less mature attitude, but maybe I still have some growing to do. Someone wanting to marry you or even discuss that within 2 days of knowing you just seems less than stable to me... But who knows, maybe I'm not giving them a fair chance...


----------



## Konfyouzd

MFB said:


> Then he should feel terrible for trying to get an in with a woman under false pretenses and I say again  and raise one more
> 
> 
> Now I see why Brits are fans of dry humor



My girlfriend in HS and I had the same driving instructor (even though we didn't know each other at the time) and she was telling me about her experiences with him during the course...

First off, the dude was really weird and like the KING of TMI...

So the gf and I were chattin' it up and we realized we both had the same driving instructor back in the day and she said that he told her about his first time. Apparently he had gotten his nose broken one way or another and was proud to have gotten a pity bone out of it. Bragged to a 16 yr old girl about it.


----------



## piggins411

Konfyouzd said:


> Joined POF again at the suggestion of some of you folks... Got a message almost instantly... Things went well until day 2 when she tried to insinuate that I'm somehow less mature than her bc I don't want to rush into marriage/kids...
> 
> DAY 2, son... Dafuq...?
> 
> My dad told me once that once women hit about 28 they become a new, more desperate beast... I think I'm seeing that first hand. Every chick I meet either has kids and wants me to act like a daddy as soon as I meet her or they're single with no kids and expect a ring within a set time frame...
> 
> Somehow I feel like believing in the notion that getting married or having babies makes you grown is the less mature attitude, but maybe I still have some growing to do. Someone wanting to marry you or even discuss that within 2 days of knowing you just seems less than stable to me... But who knows, maybe I'm not giving them a fair chance...



I'm probably younger than you, so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about, but I agree with you. I don't believe that wanting that makes you mature. That's kind of like saying getting a tattoo makes you a badass or something. As for the 2 day thing, that's insane. That's someone who wants to be married, not someone who wants a relationship


----------



## Konfyouzd

Exactly... That's all I seem to find. Women that can't wait to get married. I feel like letting them know that I have a full time job and a house with no one else in it is a bad move... 

It's not an invitation... It just means I'm not a dead beat... Or so I thought... 

The last one had kids which didn't bother me in the slightest... But what did bother me is how she expected me to basically slip right into the father role the dude before me left behind... At this point attracting a party girl might be a refreshing change.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Yup, thats all up to you. With the online thing there are some gems but you have to dig, then be patient [like a real fisherman] then sort through a lot of damage goods and hope the 50 50 chance you hit it off on the first date is in favor of chemistry....if that makes sense...if shes ignoring the fact that you made it clear that you dont want to play the father role right a way, then she has a listening problem "next!", .. its convenient when you have a full time job but you can get yourself a pyt with no kids that may also be good potential. Personally, since i got more focused on music theres no way in hell id go back to online dating, but i did find a couple gems on there

Edit: Yt/google pof secrets. They actually work.


True story...


----------



## Konfyouzd

I've dated almost all those types... FML


----------



## tm20

Metal_Webb said:


> Cheers dude! It's never too late to say hello, just do it man!
> 
> 
> Date went well, we sat and chatted for about 3 1/2 hours. She seems a bit lacking in self confidence with stuff, but she told me that, so I'm happy to take time with physical activities. That being said, going to dinner with her and a few of her friends (who are acquaintances of mine anyway) on Friday then we're going to the footy Saturday week. Yep. Feeling rather happy about the whole thing



good to know the date went well  doing better than i am XD


----------



## Idontpersonally

And then there was more win. Turns out not only did my milf buddy like the one man metal documentary she_ loved_ the black metal babysitting video. She says her daughter is just like that
Only cons here is they both like guns and roses and she's in Australia. Besides that my metal heart is melted. She asked me out for a coffee date, Ermurgurd Australia has won the internet on so many levels..I didnt even realize they had italians there....buuuut Just to balance all this happy shit out cause she's so perfect and loyal and _fine!_...






Ill just tell her im going on tour for a while until i get my shit together...


----------



## ASoC

So a beautiful lady that I've been talking to (I'm crazy about her) is giving it a shot  

Today is a fantastic day, I'm feeling only the best vibes.


----------



## vilk

Am I the only one that thinks this thread needs more pics?? we just need to make a rule about no insults or something but I have no idea how to react to many of the things said here because I dunno how hot the girls are. 

I have a for realz serious issue to post in here, but I'm too afraid of what will come back at me, so I leave it for another time. In the meanwhile, I do very much enjoy reading this thread. So yeah anyone else in the boat with me for PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN??


----------



## UnderTheSign

baron samedi said:


> Am I the only one that thinks this thread needs more pics?? we just need to make a rule about no insults or something but I have no idea how to react to many of the things said here because I dunno how hot the girls are.
> 
> I have a for realz serious issue to post in here, but I'm too afraid of what will come back at me, so I leave it for another time. In the meanwhile, I do very much enjoy reading this thread. So yeah anyone else in the boat with me for PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN??


Yeah, lets publicize pictures of the women everyone whines about! Surely they'll love their faces serving as masturbatory material for a bunch of guys here.


----------



## vilk

UnderTheSign said:


> Yeah, lets publicize pictures of the women everyone whines about! Surely they'll love their faces serving as masturbatory material for a bunch of guys here.



I like having a picture with the story. There's nothing dirty enough written on here to get me to crank to it. I didn't say post NUDES I just said post pictures, and only for those who feel comfortable with it, obviously. Now if we get some detailed OC e-lit action going with pics of these girls our keyboards could get a little sticky, but I was only just suggesting posting nice work-friendly pictures of these girls whom we admire. If you immediately think to masturbate every time you see a photo of a woman then I can understand why you're opposed, but girls with their clothes on just don't do it for me. Is your horse white like your shining armor?


----------



## Idontpersonally

Dude i totally hear you, I want to post but we have a lot of Australian members and i'td be awkward if someone knew her[yea u know this .... is posting your pics online]..meh idk i might just post anway, when i first saw her, there was no way in hell i thought we'd have so much in common.. She is a sculptore i was going to post one on another thread...


----------



## BlackMastodon

brutalwizard said:


> Cant read the vibes I am getting from this girl I work with. She's super neat, and really we Like alot of the same stuff. Im into it.
> 
> She has sent nothing but awesome vibes my way. She goes out of her way to help me, and has got me random drinks while she is out getting herself something. And at 3 inches of blood (ohh I work at a venue now) she decided to write notes at me instead of texting while bands were playing. She also has been casually touching me whenever the chance seems to arrive. None of this behavior occurs with any of my coworkers. I mean she is super nice to them and all. I work with my younger sister, her boyfriend, some kid that creeps the girl im into out out, some other girl, our 25 year old amazing boss, and the two married owners. SoI would be odd if she did any of the aforementioned stuff to them I imagine. Lately We sit on facebook at like 2am and just sass eachother and talk nonsense for hours.
> 
> Now this all sounds like "FLUCK yeah olas, she sounds awesome and into you"
> But I am at a loss, I mean i feel as though she is out of my league. She knows I make no money, and bought me dinner once saying "I know you dont have much money"
> 
> I honestly don't want her to just be being really friendly, and me to express anything that would make work uncomfortable on a professional level.
> 
> Idk why but I feel like adding this but all the people mentioned besides our manager/owners are 20 and under lol.



I'm normally completely oblivious to stuff like this 'cause I'm an idiot, but it definitely sounds like she's into you. Just ask her out for a drink and go from there. Worst she can do is say no.


----------



## Konfyouzd

UnderTheSign said:


> Yeah, lets publicize pictures of the women everyone whines about! Surely they'll love their faces serving as masturbatory material for a bunch of guys here.


 
Not sure if serious or not... 

But that almost made me a little sad to read... Plus... After hearing some of these stories I'm not sure I could fap to any of these crazy bitches...


----------



## wat

brutalwizard said:


> Cant read the vibes I am getting from this girl I work with. She's super neat, and really we Like alot of the same stuff. Im into it.
> 
> She has sent nothing but awesome vibes my way. She goes out of her way to help me, and has got me random drinks while she is out getting herself something. And at 3 inches of blood (ohh I work at a venue now) she decided to write notes at me instead of texting while bands were playing. She also has been casually touching me whenever the chance seems to arrive. None of this behavior occurs with any of my coworkers. I mean she is super nice to them and all. I work with my younger sister, her boyfriend, some kid that creeps the girl im into out out, some other girl, our 25 year old amazing boss, and the two married owners. SoI would be odd if she did any of the aforementioned stuff to them I imagine. Lately We sit on facebook at like 2am and just sass eachother and talk nonsense for hours.
> 
> Now this all sounds like "FLUCK yeah olas, she sounds awesome and into you"
> But I am at a loss, I mean i feel as though she is out of my league. She knows I make no money, and bought me dinner once saying "I know you dont have much money"
> 
> I honestly don't want her to just be being really friendly, and me to express anything that would make work uncomfortable on a professional level.
> 
> Idk why but I feel like adding this but all the people mentioned besides our manager/owners are 20 and under lol.




She's into you brah.  I bet she'd love it if you guys hung out alone for an evening talking and in the middle of a lull in the conversation, just said "hey" and just calmly leaned over and kissed her


----------



## UnderTheSign

baron samedi said:


> I like having a picture with the story. There's nothing dirty enough written on here to get me to crank to it. I didn't say post NUDES I just said post pictures, and only for those who feel comfortable with it, obviously. Now if we get some detailed OC e-lit action going with pics of these girls our keyboards could get a little sticky, but I was only just suggesting posting nice work-friendly pictures of these girls whom we admire. If you immediately think to masturbate every time you see a photo of a woman then I can understand why you're opposed, but girls with their clothes on just don't do it for me. Is your horse white like your shining armor?





Konfyouzd said:


> Not sure if serious or not...
> 
> But that almost made me a little sad to read... Plus... After hearing some of these stories I'm not sure I could fap to any of these crazy bitches...


It was a joke, but my point still stands - I don't think women would appreciate it if you posted their faces all over the internet. I know I'd rather not have girls post my face pn their Hello Kitty forums or whatever places they frequent.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I couldn't care less what they do, honestly... 

I am no 100% jaded... I'm gonna order my wife online.


----------



## wat

It's pretty bad form to post pics of people you know on internet forums, imo. Especially when you're saying that you banged them.

I've been on both sides of that coin and it didn't end well both ways.


----------



## guitarister7321

So some drama happened this past weekend with my girlfriend... I got upset and mentioned dumping her to kind of get her to realize how upset I was... mistake I know... She took it literally and won't get back with me. I asked her and she just said she's not ready. That's all she'll really tell me. I told her to get over her I'd need to stop talking to her to avoid any false hope and further pain. She said that was stupid because she just said she wasn't saying yes right now. This breakup has taken a huge toll on me. I'm in the darkest place I've been in a very long time. She was the most special unique girl I ever met, and I was so in love with the girl. I was about to give her everything with my new job and ability to provide things for her after 9 months of not being able to. She said there's a 50/50 chance we'll get back together. I want nothing more than to get back with her, but if she's not serious I don't want to hold on to these emotions. What does it sound like is going on to you guys? It's hard to get her to talk about it. And should I pursue trying to get her back? What would be the best way to go about that in a situation like this? Like she gives me a little hope and makes it seem like there's a chance then crushes that hope with saying shit like she doesn't have any intentions with us in the future and wants to go with the flow.

Thanks guys.


----------



## Konfyouzd

She's hurt. 

It's understandable--particularly when you're willing to entertain the idea of leaving her so freely. I think that sort of thing would be bothersome to a lot of people. I'm not saying this to make you feel worse about what happened, but it's clear that this is what's gone down.

I recently did something similar in which I broke it off with a chick in the heat of the moment. Despite the fact that she clearly had some very strong feelings, I think the fact that I was willing to let her go so easily is the reason she didn't want to give things another try when I'd tried to smooth things over later.

All in all, had I kept up with it and actually put in the effort to show her that I actually did feel bad about what I did and/or didn't mean it, I'm sure I could have gotten her back, but part of me also felt justified in having left and figured that going back would basically make things worse as I'd inevitably want to leave again so in *my* situation, I just decided that the initial feelings I had about wanting to get back with here were more me wondering "what if?" as opposed to actually having a real reason to go back to her.

Honestly, if she made you upset enough to say what you said, then perhaps it's best that you guys take some time apart to see how it is you really feel. If you both care enough about one another I'm sure you'll find that you guys will gravitate back toward one another. If not, either one of you didn't put in the effort or it was going to end at some point anyway.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Disappear for a while. If she's telling you you have a 50/50 shot, it means to me that she has another option, aka another guy in the picture. Don't feel bad, most girls keep guy friends like a dick in a glass case, in case of emergencies. The best thing you could do, methinks, is to prepare to move on, because 1) it will demonstrate higher value to her than if you came back begging for her to forgive you and 2) you'll be better prepared if she decides she doesn't want to get back with you. 

IF she gives you a second chance, don't beg, plead, or thank her. Instead, show her the best side of you and take every opportunity to show her what she could be missing. Be a MAN about it, one way or another, and you'll come out on top. Good luck broski.


----------



## wat

glassmoon0fo said:


> Disappear for a while. If she's telling you you have a 50/50 shot, it means to me that she has another option, aka another guy in the picture. Don't feel bad, most girls keep guy friends like a dick in a glass case, in case of emergencies. The best thing you could do, methinks, is to prepare to move on, because 1) it will *demonstrate higher value to her* than if you came back begging for her to forgive you and 2) you'll be better prepared if she decides she doesn't want to get back with you.
> 
> IF she gives you a second chance, don't beg, plead, or thank her. Instead, show her the best side of you and take every opportunity to show her what she could be missing. Be a MAN about it, one way or another, and you'll come out on top. Good luck broski.



Somebody read the mystery method.  You're absolutely right


----------



## glassmoon0fo

That dude's a jackass. I'm all about the David Deangelo way of things, a bit more power male oriented, less player-douchbag oriented


----------



## guitarister7321

Thanks. That helps. And yeah, I really do regret what I said. Heat of the moment shit. I was upset and really riled up. And drunk. She says she wishes she could say yes, but She said it's not helping that I'm begging her, which I've been since this all happened... I was gonna cut it out a bit and give her some time. She says she wishes she could say yes, but she feels this is what she has to do. She says so she becomes a stronger person, and taking me back would be weak. It's just I have so much emotion invested in this girl... I love her... I'm not willing to let her go so easily. \

And I've told her my regret and I was sorry and didn't mean it. I told her I'm ready to step up and provide for her, because the whole 9 months we were dating I didn't have a job and couldn't do anything for her. Like what we were waiting for is here and it's not going to happen. Feels shitty.


----------



## guitarister7321

Yeah, it seems like there's another dude in the picture. He liked her while we were dating. He's been giving her rides over here the past two time she had to pick things up from here for work.

And yeah I was thinking about disappearing for a bit from her. thats what I wanted to do when I said I didn't want to talk to her for a while. I thought maybe if I don't text her or talk to her she'll wonder whats going on and maybe come to me to talk first after a while. How long should I disappear for? until she contacts me?

I feel like something will happen between her and her friend. She wont tell me if anything is happening between them, but she says she hasn't had sex with him or anything. She said she might have sex with someone since we're apart because she thinks I'll do the same. I feel like I should... just to get her off my mind and help with jealousy if she does have sex with him or something and a second chance arises.


----------



## wat

^Never talk to her again. Just drop it and move on. For your health.


----------



## guitarister7321

That'll be very hard to do... I love the girl, and we were happy together for the most part. If there's a chance of a second chance, I'd wanna give it a go to see what happens. But I do feel you might be right.


----------



## wat

Also, by saying that she might have sex with someone, best scenario is she's just trying to be honest with you and/or giving you a reason to leave. Worst case scenario is that she's intentionally emotionally abusing you by saying that. Sounds more like the 1st option to me but I don't know your situation.

Either way, you're not making yourself seem very valuable by trying to change her mind. Best thing to do is leave the pieces on the ground and walk away for now, imo :2cents:
A tactical retreat, maybe. I know in the past when I went through this sort of thing I just made myself less attractive to her when I begged and tried to change her mind. I would go crazy with jealousy but when I just said F it and moved on, they usually ended up calling me a few months later or something and would want to talk about "us". Don't let her get you too crazy bra


----------



## flint757

guitarister7321 said:


> Yeah, it seems like there's another dude in the picture. He liked her while we were dating. He's been giving her rides over here the past two time she had to pick things up from here for work.
> 
> And yeah I was thinking about disappearing for a bit from her. thats what I wanted to do when I said I didn't want to talk to her for a while. I thought maybe if I don't text her or talk to her she'll wonder whats going on and maybe come to me to talk first after a while. How long should I disappear for? until she contacts me?
> 
> I feel like something will happen between her and her friend. She wont tell me if anything is happening between them, but she says she hasn't had sex with him or anything. She said she might have sex with someone since we're apart because she thinks I'll do the same. I feel like I should... just to get her off my mind and help with jealousy if she does have sex with him or something and a second chance arises.



Now it sounds like she is jerking you around a bit honestly. At this point leave her business to her business though. Y'all are apart. And for .... sake's DO NOT ask her later on if she slept with him. She either didn't or she'll lie and said she didn't or she did. You gain absolutely nothing by asking if she is someone you are willing to take back either way.

Absolutely date though. If she likes you and she is dating other people you need to make yourself appear attractive which means making it look like you moved on to a degree and not begging.



wat said:


> Also, by saying that she might have sex with someone, best scenario is she's just trying to be honest with you and/or giving you a reason to leave. Worst case scenario is that she's intentionally emotionally abusing you by saying that. Sounds more like the 1st option to me but I don't know your situation.
> 
> Either way, you're not making yourself seem very valuable by trying to change her mind. Best thing to do is leave the pieces on the ground and walk away for now, imo :2cents:
> A tactical retreat, maybe. I know in the past when I went through this sort of thing I just made myself less attractive to her when I begged and tried to change her mind. I would go crazy with jealousy but when I just said F it and moved on, they usually ended up calling me a few months later or something and would want to talk about "us". Don't let her get you too crazy bra



My first girlfriend a looong time ago broke up with me. I didn't call, text or anything for several months and got into another relationship. She ended up calling me, beggin to get back together. I said NO!


----------



## glassmoon0fo

See, these guys get it. If she says she's going to sleep with someone else, she probably already has or is about to. You do the same, for YOU, not for her.


----------



## guitarister7321

Yes exactly. I want to do it for me. Like if she's going to, why cant I. I don't wanna wait around for her like an idiot while she has her fun an for something that isnt garenteed. Now can I get some advice on how to meet a lady to sleep with ha? I don't know, I'm feeling a lot more positive about this situation right now. Thanks guys! I'm gonna try and do my thing and what happens happens.


----------



## Konfyouzd

This too will pass, homie. It just never seems that way at first. But don't pick at a scab.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

guitarister7321 said:


> Yes exactly. I want to do it for me. Like if she's going to, why cant I. I don't wanna wait around for her like an idiot while she has her fun an for something that isnt garenteed. Now can I get some advice on how to meet a lady to sleep with ha? I don't know, I'm feeling a lot more positive about this situation right now. Thanks guys! I'm gonna try and do my thing and what happens happens.



just avoid the crazy ones.. unless you guarantee that it won't bite you in the ass


----------



## guitarister7321

Yeah, so I didn't text her all night except once when I just said "at work". It really seemed to bother her, haha. She text me at 5 in the morning after I got back from work. Now it's after noon and she's calling me and texting me how she deeply thought about me all night. Funny thing is I barely thought about her. I was actually doing very well! I don't know what's she's trying to do.

I also met a chick at work that I was getting some vibes from... Wasn't expecting to. She's really cute. She works at different shifts than I do in a different area. I remember her complimenting me on how I looked when I came in for my interview a few weeks ago. I came in for computer training last night as she was the who helped me. She was being really nice and smiling at me and stuff. I was just getting good vibes from her, like she liked me or something. Idk... Should I add her on facebook and go from there? I won't get to see her at work much, so I don't know, ha. Should I try and go after this one?


----------



## asher

guitarister7321 said:


> Yeah, so I didn't text her all night except once when I just said "at work". It really seemed to bother her, haha. She text me at 5 in the morning after I got back from work. Now it's after noon and she's calling me and texting me how she deeply thought about me all night. Funny thing is I barely thought about her. I was actually doing very well! I don't know what's she's trying to do.
> 
> I also met a chick at work that I was getting some vibes from... Wasn't expecting to. She's really cute. She works at different shifts than I do in a different area. I remember her complimenting me on how I looked when I came in for my interview a few weeks ago. I came in for computer training last night as she was the who helped me. She was being really nice and smiling at me and stuff. I was just getting good vibes from her, like she liked me or something. Idk... Should I add her on facebook and go from there? I won't get to see her at work much, so I don't know, ha. Should I try and go after this one?



Facebooking someone you know via work seems super normal anyway, so why the hell not? Just do it and then go with the flow on it


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^yes, yes, and yes.

Game up new girl, dont get too cocky but at the very least make a new friend. Keep old girl on her toes and KEEP YOUR POWER. It feels good to be in the driver's seat, yes? Then don't give that up! If you decide you want one of these girls to join you on YOUR awesome life journey, then you allow them into your life. Simple as that. Congrats man, sounds like you're starting to get it 

Disclaimer: I come off as an insensative asshat a lot in this thread, I know. I just want you guys to know that, because of the culture of masculinity-pruning and femenism, women naturally have all the power in the mating game and have no idea what to do with it most of the time, so I'm only preaching the hard sermon here so that men can be men again and take control like every woman wants their man to do (they hate when you say that, but they all know im right). But hey, all this is just advice...Take it away Hodge Twins.


----------



## kchay

Definitely agree with the Facebook thing with the new girl.

For me, relationships are more a "once it's broken, it's broke" sorta thing.

Also, on that note; how do you people reckon I should get over a girl? It's been ages and she's dating another guy but I'm still a depressed mess.

Doesn't help that uni sucks for me atm.


----------



## guitarister7321

@kchay - I'd suggest finding a new girl that will make you forget about your ex. Once I started dating the girl mentioned in my posts above I completely forgot about and didn't care about the girlfriend I had before her. After a year of thinking about her quite too often, I barely thought about her. 

So the tables have completely turned on my situation. I have been talking to the recent ex and haven't been completely ignoring her. I've been being hard on her though. She comes to me with a situation she got herself into. And I told her I did not feel bad for her but gave her some advice, even though it wasn't the advice she probably was expecting, but she needed to here it to get her shit together. Now she's telling me she loves me and and she's having a hard time without me (she was perfectly fine when I was The one begging her). Now that I've stopped giving her all of my attention she's the one coming to me. She even asked if we could have sex. We texted for a little but I told her I had to work and that was it for the night. 


Now for the new girl. I'm going to add her today. Any advice on how to start things? Should I message her on e the request is accepted? How should I go about kicking things off with her. 

And thanks for all the help guys. It feels good not to be the one on the bottom of this situation anymore.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

@guitarister7321

Maybe start with saying thanks for the training? Simple things get the ball rolling.

Like tonight I text the girl from my uni course I've got a thing for after a couple of weeks of not talking, just a simple "Hay love hows the study going?" couple of hours later still talking and I still seem to have some form of a chance, we finish the semester this week though and then have five weeks off and she's going home (seven hour drive from here). So I gotta ask her out before the break starts and hopefully she's still keen when she gets back... AHHH ....ING NERVOUS!!

EDIT: When did this censoring start?!?! .... Its ....ing Lame


----------



## kchay

@Kiwimetal101, good luck with that! Hope it goes well (also, it's awesome to see someone from NZ here!)

@guitarister7321, I've been trying but goddamn the girls here are either not my type or already with someone D:
And also, I'd second the idea of messaging the new girl. Just casual conversation. Best of luck!


----------



## OzoneJunkie

Just popping in to say a bit... 

I've realized more and more lately that I can't look for happiness thru another, can't look for answers in another, in fact shouldn't look for anything from another to make me whole. Looking externally leads to madness... looking for answers, happiness, love in every face... learning to really love myself in all of my imperfections... not only that but learning to be in the moment... it's not about finding some ultimate answer or situation that makes me happy... it's about seeing that this is life and there's always going to be moments that aren't happy and rosy... but realizing that THAT is part of life and to love it the way it is...

Heart mending from a looooong ride with someone from my past, someone who I thought was my future, only to see that we weren't meant to be... I think I really appreciate the present now more than ever... not pining for the past or plotting moves to secure a future with someone that's not going to be there.

And finally, I see that unrequited love is not love at all. It's a mask for something much much deeper... for me, those things are many and it's been my journey to face these things in myself, to cop to them, and ultimately to forgive myself... so that I'm not living in the past ... a past version of myself.

<3 and  :/  and everything in between... to me...  and to y'all too... thanks for listening (ahem.. reading... whatever


----------



## asher

OzoneJunkie said:


> Just popping in to say a bit...
> 
> I've realized more and more lately that I can't look for happiness thru another, can't look for answers in another, in fact shouldn't look for anything from another to make me whole. Looking externally leads to madness... looking for answers, happiness, love in every face... learning to really love myself in all of my imperfections... not only that but learning to be in the moment... it's not about finding some ultimate answer or situation that makes me happy... it's about seeing that this is life and there's always going to be moments that aren't happy and rosy... but realizing that THAT is part of life and to love it the way it is...
> 
> Heart mending from a looooong ride with someone from my past, someone who I thought was my future, only to see that we weren't meant to be... I think I really appreciate the present now more than ever... not pining for the past or plotting moves to secure a future with someone that's not going to be there.
> 
> And finally, I see that unrequited love is not love at all. It's a mask for something much much deeper... for me, those things are many and it's been my journey to face these things in myself, to cop to them, and ultimately to forgive myself... so that I'm not living in the past ... a past version of myself.
> 
> <3 and  :/  and everything in between... to me...  and to y'all too... thanks for listening (ahem.. reading... whatever





except I have no idea what you're talking about with the unrequited love bit.


----------



## Church2224

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> Hey guys, off topic but Church posted on his facebook this morning that he's going to the hospital this morning, so let's please keep him in our thoughts.
> Hope you're okay Kevin!



I guess it is time for me to elaborate as to the details of this as I am comfortable enough to talk about the situation. 

Four years ago, I became emotionally attached to a young woman who I thought was the greatest thing in the world. In the end, I discovered she was just a shallow, empty shell of an individual, and my feelings for her soon subsided. A blessing that they did, as she turned out to be nothing more than a partying slut who would not give a good man the time of day. Hot? on hell yeah, a bitch? More than anything

From that day forward, I thought of the qualities I wanted in some one and promised to never let myself fall for or pursue some one who did not meet those requirements. Some one as beautiful on the inside as they were on the outside, with a good heart, empathetic, who surrounded herself with remarkable people, and came from a good family, some one who I could have intelligent conversations with. I realized that in the end, I should not pursue some one who did not meet these requirements as in the end, she would be a waste of my energy and time, and I do not play games. My time is too precious for that shit. 

Fast forward, November 2012. I was sitting there at a table at school. I was on SSO Chat, talking to Nagash. I was depressed and this gorgeous girl was sitting there in the same lounge. Very classy, very, very beautiful in my eyes. I said "Look at me man, I cannot even talk to this one gorgeous girl." I remember Nagash giving me the confidence to talk to her, and I did. She seemed like a pleasant girl, great personality. Well next few times she saw me she ran up and talked to me, and we got a chance to hang out and I had a great time. 

Well, that is when issues started. I thought she was the full package, everything I wanted in some one, and I thought she was showing some interest in me at least. For months I pursued her, put myself through a perpetual hell. Even our own Glassmoonofo thought she was into me as well, and I was doing everything right. I remember one day, she told me she thought how great I was, sweet, mature, generous, I knew what the .... I wanted, and I GOT IT. No one ever said that to me before. No one. That same day honestly was one of the best days of my life with her, and I wanted to be more than just a friend to her. I wanted to be a good man to her. Well, I ask her out, she said she is young and she does not want to get serious, and does not want to ruin the friendship. 

May 2013. Party at my house, she is extremely excited to come over and was texting me everyday about it, asking questions. She comes by and does not give me much attention, I try harder and apparently that did not work, so I gave up. Apparently she felt harassed, which I did not know. Also a friend of my comes by, stoned off of his ass too, which insulted me from the get go as I do not want any weed in my house. Also as I was stressing about everything and getting stuff ready he was insulting me, so I just began to drink to say screw it. Oh btw, this so call friend knew how I felt about her for a while and I talked to him about it. He also was talking about her ass earlier on at the party, and I almost punched him then. Objectifying little shit. Her best friend shows up, and I take her outside, and ask her how this girl felt about me. She said this girl thinks of me as a friend, and also let it slip out this stoner asked her out and she went out with him recently. Well, I try to suppress my rage, but I go inside, rip his shirt off out of rage and the girl breaks us apart. I storm outside and start punching my truck and leaving some big dents in it. My friends pull me aside, and they bring this guy outside to leave and I start threatening him at the top of my lungs, scaring everyone. People leave, only a handful stay, I get so depressed I try to cut myself, as I thought I was not good enough for anyone, and I realized I messed up. Next thing I remember is waking up and my buddy trying to get me into my bed, taking a box cutter out of my hand. I woke up the next day and had my buddy take me to a psych ward, I hit rock bottom. 

A week later the girl messages me, says she does not want to see me for a long while, and said she never felt anything like that for me, and that I read too much into it. Looks like every piece of advice I was given was dead wrong, and she never felt that way towards me.

Why did I try to take my own life? I tried to live a life of honor, treating people with respect, working hard and being a good man, and a good friend. I own a business, I have good grades and went to great schools, and I am not bad looking at all. And she wants to go out with this piece of shit who does drugs, works only as a waiter? Hell I remember her trying to get this guy away from her brother because he might be a bad influence! Then I though what is wrong with me? Why can't I get anyone...

How do I feel now? 

I have never been so enraged at the world and myself. I feel a sense of shame as to what I did, and cannot face the people I hurt, and at the same time want to strike vengeance and come down like a righteous hammer on those who betrayed me. 

Honestly, if the woman of my dreams were to come up to me, I would tell her to screw off as I feel so used and betrayed. I can say I would not care if I die a virgin, or feel the true love of a good woman, or just to have one kiss me again. I lost a lot of people close to me because I let a girl get to me. 

Women have done nothing but used me, played games with me, never been attracted to me, for what damn reason should I continue tryign to find just ONE, just ONE woman in my life? 

Sad things is, I tried so hard to let her go for so long, but every time I turned around, she did something that just blew me away and drew me back into her...now I just want to bite the bullet and give up completely on the world.


----------



## JosephAOI

Guys, I have a mega crush on my cute-as-all-hell manager but I don't know what to do


----------



## JP Universe

Oh Churchy my man....  It really Saddened me to hear that  I hope you've gotten the help you need and are back on track 

Don't ever let a woman do that to you again. You have the power here and don't let anyone take that away from you..... As you know You're still quite young and have soooooo much ahead of you, you're one of the coolest guys here on ss.org and from chatting to you online very mature for your age.

My advice and experience -

One day a girl will love you for you, and it's only up to you to blow it. This will probably happen a few times..... How do you not blow it?????
The more you try and make things happen and want a relationship from a girl before you have sex, the more you will get put into the 'friend zone'
We all get it at some stage, often multiple times and it sucks  

Moving forward ANY girl where you think somethings gonna happen try and go for it casually and don't expect anything to happen seriously. Get into that mindset (fool yourself). Your goal is to have sex before opening up your feelings. It really is that simple. If you're kissing/hanging out and you haven't had sex KEEP YOUR COOL. (Way easier than it sounds)

Funny that if you can keep this up and keep your emotions in check the girl will ALWAYS fall for you. I've never said 'I love you' first to a girl.... ever!
It's why jerks and emotionally distant men get the girls, not the nice guys. Unfortunately I'm a nice guy just like you and had to figure this shit out myself...... My attempts at using Pickup artist lines and routines failed miserably haha.... Once she opens up then you can let your emotions go. It sucks but that's the way it works.....


Some cool lines that work well for you once you're friends with the next girl..... Basically confuse the shit out of her 

- Hold her hand then drop it..... say 'your hand is too sweaty' You're such a sicko. then laugh 

- 'Are you really wearing your hair today like that today?  I guess it works'

- Don't always put her down though, if she looks great one day tell her but don't say 'You look really nice' (or something boring).... how about -
'Damnnnnnnn girl, you lookin fine!!!' (wave your hand on your face to cool yourself down)..

- Pillow fights are KING if you get them over!!!! Pin her down, look into her eyes and kiss her!

Anyways enough of my 'tips'  PM me if you want more lines.....


Overall -

Take it as a lesson learnt, forget about that woman and your dumb stoner mate and move on. Apologise to anyone involved and talk to them about it.
Nothing is worth hurting yourself over. PM me if you ever want to talk.... I should get back on ss.org chat more often!!

Take care bro

JP


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

PM'ed you Church


----------



## JP Universe

JosephAOI said:


> Guys, I have a mega crush on my cute-as-all-hell manager but I don't know what to do


 
While I'm on the advice train I'll keep going  I personally have not had a crush on my manager but I have used my flirtatious ways to manipulate them into liking me more and cutting me more slack. Works with men too (If you want your manager to be your mate) 

It's shaky ground here and proceed with extreme caution if you want to make it more than a crush...... It really depends on the situation. 

You can either...

1. (Recommended) - Get over it, get to know her better and hope that you don't like something about her or find someone else. Over it? Good 
2. (not recommended) Pursue it - Alright you can't control yourself..... 

Step 1 - Flirt..... You need to smirk as you do this, It's all in the delivery *Important!! Laugh afterwards!!!!*

Lines - 

- 'You expect me to do this? I swear this is a breach of my safety!'
- 'mmmm I wouldn't do that if I were you....'
- 'If I was the manager things would be running much smoother'
- 'Oh here we go'

A bit of that then 

Step 2 - Escalate to something serious

Get them out for a drink, this is where you get all serious with them and ask about their goals/dreams etc
There you go, it's a start 

My current manager (Male) has been here for a few months now. I'm the most liked out of about 30 people, I get away with more wrong doing and get less work from him. He invited me for a beer 30 minutes before I finished last week


----------



## Bekanor

Went out with a girl who ticked all the boxes. Then she had some dramas and pulled the "I don't want anything serious right now, I've just come out of a long and bad relationship".

I convinced her that I didn't want anything serious right now either but we should still keep seeing each other and see what happens because we're into each other (with a lot more eloquence and thought than what I have applied here). She agreed but we still haven't hung out since that conversation, making things cloudy.

Then I convinced myself of the above by banging someone else. The clarity that comes from a satisfied libido is astounding, I'm now able to appreciate the joy of having one maybe situation and one friends with benefits situation instead of getting mired in details trying to figure out if either will pan out into something with long-term fulfillment. 

Of course both could turn into solid dead ends in a very short time frame, which will be pretty shitty but at least I'll have a little while before drought conditions set in and I get way too ....ing depressed about girls.

So not exactly a total success story for this thread but it's the closest thing yet from me and could be the closest thing for a long time. So there it is.


----------



## renzoip

Church2224 said:


> The situation.



Holy, crap! I'm very sorry to hear that. I don't post here as much but your story really struck a chord with me, as I know exactly how that kind of deception feels like. It's unfortunate that things turned out that way, when they could have been better managed. I hope you feel better soon. And I hope you don't become a bitter person over this situations. I've had friends who used to be really nice and good hearted people become very bitter and cynical over things like this. I really hope that you can channel your feelings in a more constructive way. 

I myself have experienced things like this. I've always been the "nice guy" type. I've been put in the "friend zones" tons of times, even by girls who claimed I had good looks and personality. I've been told by women I've pursued that I'm "too nice", "too smart", "too good hearted", "too much of a gentleman", "I don't want to ruin our friendship", more times than I would like to admit. All of this while while they are either chasing or letting themselves fall for complete scumbags who are jerks, uneducated, airheads, rude, vicious (drugs/alcohol), manipulative, and who clearly only want to get in their pants. This really infuriated me to no end, specially since I felt that I had a great connection with many of these girls; I always hope that she would be the one, only to be disappointed once again. 

Rejection is a very difficult thing to manage, it can really destroy who you are if you don't learn how to deal with it. I started becoming very resentful towards myself. I started hating the things about myself that I used to take pride on. When my friends and family used to compliment me about being nice, smart, good hearted, humble, responsible, I used to feel great. But then I started telling them to stop saying those things because I felt that this were the very same things that were now getting me rejected by the women I pursued. I became very bitter for a while. I loathed who I was. And even while I absolutely hated these fake inconsiderate jerks, part of me wanted to be one of them, because they got the girl and I did not. But I still couldn't bring myself to be like that; I was very frustrated and depressed.

Eventually, I decided that this was not worth suffering over. That having girls not being attracted to me really sucked, but it wasn't the worst thing that could ever happen either. I also thought a lot about why it was that I really wanted to have a gf, or at least have women being attracted to me. I started considering whether that was an end it itself, or a means to an end. I realized that I wanted to feel appreciated and validated for who I was. And I wanted to experience happiness in the form of quality time with a person whom I can relate to and whom I can open up to, and have my guard down with, knowing that she will not break my heart. 

I started surrounding myself with more positive peer. I started spending more time with my good friends and family, whom already valued me for who I was, and whom I did not have to seek any kind of validation from. I started to gradually feel a lot better, a big relief of my shoulders, I had nothing to prove to anyone anymore. This helped me have a more positive outlook on life. I started being more grateful all the good things and good people in my life. I started to focus once again in school, work, music, and things that really did improve the quality of my life, which I had neglected for quite a bit. Eventually, my confidence started regaining strength, without the need of any girl validating my person. I felt like I could be myself once again. I actually started realizing the benefits of being single, to the point where I wan't even looking for relationships anymore unless they really have something substantial to offer to my quality of life. 

I also started to not let rejection get to me. I was still a down to earth easy going guy, but I was no longer seeking approval from anyone, nor was I apologizing for who I was. This really helped a lot. I also realized that any girl that chooses to be with an irresponsible jerk over me just has bad taste and her priorities warped, and is definitely not the girl for me. Better to know that now than to find out months or years into the relationship. I started becoming much better with women, and started feeling much more in control of the situation. In fact, months later, I actually came across a few of the girls who previously rejected me and went for some jerk, and none of them were doing very good at all. Some of them clearly insinuating that they wish they would have given me a chance then and wanted to do it now. And I clearly insinuated that I was no longer interested in them because they proved themselves not to be my type for choosing to go out with a jerk, and just told them to be careful what they wish for next time.  I would have never though I could do that in the past. 

Eventually, after going on about my life in peace for some time, I met the right girl, when I didn't expect it, while I wasn't even looking. She wasn't someone who I did not notice and or felt strongly attracted to right away, but attraction did built up between us slowly but surely. Now I look back, and I could't be happier that I didn't waste my time in a crappy relationship with any of those girls that previously rejected me; it is very clear to me that they had nothing really positive to add to my life. 

My point is, don't let this situation ruin the person who you are, and turn you into someone you don't want to be. I say this because I know that you, like I, have always been proud of being a good guys. Now, rejection still sucks, but there are better way to deal with it. Spend more time with the people whom really appreciate you, and less time trying to seek acceptance from those who consciously or unconsciously expect you to be different form how you really are; it's not worth it. Don't be fixated on a "type", I have been able to meet wonderful people by stepping out of the box and giving chances to girls who I might have previously considered to my "type" (of course, they still gotta have things in common with you). Also, focus more on school, work, music, and other things that actually bring a sense of achievement and confidence in your life. Stay away from alcohol/drugs/crazy partying while you are feeling depressed; it's really never helped me or anyone I know deal with their problem, and it can possibly make them worst. Finally, attraction is a rather difficult thing for people to understand, most of us really don't understand why we are attracted to some and not others, or why these is a discrepancy with what we think we like, and what we actually like. I wish I would have found this guy earlier; he really knows his stuff, and it will give you some insights and change how you think or attraction and interpersonal relations, subscribe to his newsletter:

Official Double Your Dating | David DeAngelo's Double Your Dating


Just my two cents. Best of luck.


----------



## kchay

Church2224, just putting it out there; you should never let someone drag you down that far. At the same time, it's in the past, and damage has been done. You know you did wrong (we all do), and it's a harsh lesson 

I think it's a case of getting distracted. Do other things. You might meet someone.

As for me, I'm done with girls for now (they can do the work; .... chasing).


----------



## Kiwimetal101

kchay said:


> As for me, I'm done with girls for now (they can do the work; .... chasing).



I would LOVE for a girl to chase me, non-mental ofc


----------



## Thrashmanzac

well, my current girlfriend is moving overseas in two weeks, i it looks as though i will be single again. i'm content


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Aaaaand... She got away... Goddamnit.


----------



## UnderTheSign

YJGB said:


> Aaaaand... She got away... Goddamnit.


What, how?

Finally gonna plan a sushi dinner tonight. Next week, hopefully. By that time I'll have been waiting almost a month and it's gonna be awesome.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

UnderTheSign said:


> What, how?
> 
> Finally gonna plan a sushi dinner tonight. Next week, hopefully. By that time I'll have been waiting almost a month and it's gonna be awesome.



The same feelings for her ex bullshit. But I'm kinda getting used to it, so no biggie.


----------



## Francis978

I'm sorry that I'm interrupting something, but I am in need of advice...

So I have a girlfriend that I have been dating for 5 months (not a long time I know)
We do have a very happy relationship and when we hang out it's always a great time, but there are times where I try to voice my discontent with something (when I feel ignored, or sometimes she talks to me condescendingly etc) and I always do it respectfully, calm voice, and I say a thousand times that I don't mean it insultingly, it is merely how I feel. We'll talk and it'll seem okay until a week later where she will call me crying saying she felt so insulted. Then I feel awful and cry apologizing. This happened more than once and it feels like I am not allowed to speak because if I do it always makes her cry. She said she is a crier and it is just how she feels, but it always makes me feel lower than dirt. I just never understood (and still don't really) why crying is the only way she can handle things, where I know many who would easily voice their feelings over something that they didn't like. 

One day I asked her if she could find a way to just talk it out so it doesn't get so tense due to the crying so we could calmly reach a solution over what upsets her (or I). She understood, but then apprehended me today about why I would say something like that, I explained my reasoning and she understood, but I admitted that I felt like I couldn't talk, because whenever I voiced myself, she would get upset and not like what I have to say (Despite how respectful I would put it, and I ALWAYS try to say it nicely, and I spend a lot of time choosing my words carefully). Then she said well how else is she supposed to voice how she feels?

I am at a loss as to how to answer that, because now I feel insensitive,but I cannot understand why everything I say upsets her so much to the point where she needs to apprehend me due to it bugging her so much. I feel like I can't say anything (and I talked to ex's and they all said they were always impressed at how well I could speak and how respectful I was, I never had a bad breakup)

Can someone help me and tell me what I can do? What I do wrong? Sorry for the essay, I just thought that maybe unbiased people could help me...I've been feeling so down lately.


----------



## Idontpersonally

It's not you that's for sure... About your girl if she is a crier then damn..Wish i could offer more advice other than saying most of these gf issues comes down to how much your willing to tolerate the person and how important they are in your life. What you need and dont need, do they need or not need you? I do know that this type of thing usually goes deeper than 'im just a crier'. Personally Theres a make or break point where i like to dive as deep as possible into the person. Not everyone is like that I know but it saves me time and energy.

mmm Lastly, just communication man women tend to talk in circles, men talk in straight lines, you have to find a way to connect/line up with her [get her to talk in straight lines, not feeling and emotions ]otherwise youll always feel guilty, misunderstood etc. They dont change from that and you wont be able to change her.


----------



## Francis978

It's just I have felt like I am restricted in my speech, and after I told her how I felt about how I am always feeling bad every time she apprehends me, she said well how am I supposed to say how I feel? This question hit me because it made me feel like the most selfish human. It's not her voicing herself to me that is my issue, my issue is I don't understand why everything I do bothers her when I always try to be respectful. 

Thank you for responding, I am going to college this year (and she is a grade beneath me) and yeah I know I'm young and whatnot, but it's just been bothering me. 

If anyone else would like to chime in feel free, I could use all the advice I can get.


----------



## JP Universe

Francis978 said:


> I'm sorry that I'm interrupting something, but I am in need of advice...
> 
> So I have a girlfriend that I have been dating for 5 months (not a long time I know)
> We do have a very happy relationship and when we hang out it's always a great time, but there are times where I try to voice my discontent with something (when I feel ignored, or sometimes she talks to me condescendingly etc) and I always do it respectfully, calm voice, and I say a thousand times that I don't mean it insultingly, it is merely how I feel. We'll talk and it'll seem okay until a week later where she will call me crying saying she felt so insulted. Then I feel awful and cry apologizing. This happened more than once and it feels like I am not allowed to speak because if I do it always makes her cry. She said she is a crier and it is just how she feels, but it always makes me feel lower than dirt. I just never understood (and still don't really) why crying is the only way she can handle things, where I know many who would easily voice their feelings over something that they didn't like.
> 
> One day I asked her if she could find a way to just talk it out so it doesn't get so tense due to the crying so we could calmly reach a solution over what upsets her (or I). She understood, but then apprehended me today about why I would say something like that, I explained my reasoning and she understood, but I admitted that I felt like I couldn't talk, because whenever I voiced myself, she would get upset and not like what I have to say (Despite how respectful I would put it, and I ALWAYS try to say it nicely, and I spend a lot of time choosing my words carefully). Then she said well how else is she supposed to voice how she feels?
> 
> I am at a loss as to how to answer that, because now I feel insensitive,but I cannot understand why everything I say upsets her so much to the point where she needs to apprehend me due to it bugging her so much. I feel like I can't say anything (and I talked to ex's and they all said they were always impressed at how well I could speak and how respectful I was, I never had a bad breakup)
> 
> Can someone help me and tell me what I can do? What I do wrong? Sorry for the essay, I just thought that maybe unbiased people could help me...I've been feeling so down lately.


 
Play the woman at their own game.... If you feel ignored/she says something condesending I would go do something else, play your guitar, get some food and get some space for a while instead of voicing your concerns. Surely she'll get the subtext and then SHE has to talk to you and bring it up.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

JP Universe said:


> Play the woman at their own game.... If you feel ignored/she says something condesending I would go do something else, play your guitar, get some food and get some space for a while instead of voicing your concerns. Surely she'll get the subtext and then SHE has to talk to you and bring it up.



pretty much this


----------



## JP Universe

renzoip said:


> Official Double Your Dating | David DeAngelo's Double Your Dating
> 
> 
> Just my two cents. Best of luck.


 
This.... Particularly for your situation Churchy DD is awesome for inner game stuff and reframing your view on woman which is where you need to start.

(As a side note about 10 yrs ago I discovered DD, experimented with his 'cocky funny' techniques which I figured would never work on a girl online and I was banging her within in a week. (turned out she had a B/F too)


----------



## Francis978

Well at this point it's just things I say in my daily life that bug her, but I don't know why they do so I just don't know how to talk anymore O.O

I do agree though, I think I might just need to distance myself...


----------



## soliloquy

i dont visit here too often (not bragging), but just wanted to stop by for Church2224. the situation you were placed in sucked; and you hit rock bottom. did it suck? i'm sure it sucked more than the words you wrote up there. but you learned something from it, and that is that you hit rock bottom. YOU hit rock bottom. 

how is that a good thing? any and every thing you do from now is only going up. you ....ed up, every one does. and for anyone who says they dont .... up, they are lying. chin up, and do what you gotta do, but always put yourself first. if you like someone, cool. try to have them ask you out or have them approach you. if they do, great. if they dont, whatever

all i'm saying, i'm really glad you're still with us; in the end, that is what matters! not the girl, not the friend, but you! YOU are with us.


----------



## soliloquy

JP Universe said:


> Play the woman at their own game.... If you feel ignored/she says something condesending I would go do something else, play your guitar, get some food and get some space for a while instead of voicing your concerns. Surely she'll get the subtext and then SHE has to talk to you and bring it up.



i would disagree with this. i tried this several times and it often blew up in my face. i understand the purpose of this, and it CAN work, but if it doesn't, it gets far uglier than intended. 'returning the favor' becomes a cold war to the point where you are fighting without a specific reason. 

in cases like this, where one of the partner just refuses to listen or understand their partner, i usually kill them with kindness. it can become a bit robotic where you are treating everything they do as a transaction and soon they realize that this isn't you. it makes them feel like shit as they are running you into the ground, but for the most part, they approach this conclusion themselves. self-actualization is far better than a lesson they were taught.


----------



## flint757

^^^Neither is guaranteed to work, but if one style doesn't the other surely will.


----------



## kchay

Francis978 said:


> I'm sorry that I'm interrupting something, but I am in need of advice...
> 
> So I have a girlfriend that I have been dating for 5 months (not a long time I know)
> We do have a very happy relationship and when we hang out it's always a great time, but there are times where I try to voice my discontent with something (when I feel ignored, or sometimes she talks to me condescendingly etc) and I always do it respectfully, calm voice, and I say a thousand times that I don't mean it insultingly, it is merely how I feel. We'll talk and it'll seem okay until a week later where she will call me crying saying she felt so insulted. Then I feel awful and cry apologizing. This happened more than once and it feels like I am not allowed to speak because if I do it always makes her cry. She said she is a crier and it is just how she feels, but it always makes me feel lower than dirt. I just never understood (and still don't really) why crying is the only way she can handle things, where I know many who would easily voice their feelings over something that they didn't like.
> 
> One day I asked her if she could find a way to just talk it out so it doesn't get so tense due to the crying so we could calmly reach a solution over what upsets her (or I). She understood, but then apprehended me today about why I would say something like that, I explained my reasoning and she understood, but I admitted that I felt like I couldn't talk, because whenever I voiced myself, she would get upset and not like what I have to say (Despite how respectful I would put it, and I ALWAYS try to say it nicely, and I spend a lot of time choosing my words carefully). Then she said well how else is she supposed to voice how she feels?
> 
> I am at a loss as to how to answer that, because now I feel insensitive,but I cannot understand why everything I say upsets her so much to the point where she needs to apprehend me due to it bugging her so much. I feel like I can't say anything (and I talked to ex's and they all said they were always impressed at how well I could speak and how respectful I was, I never had a bad breakup)
> 
> Can someone help me and tell me what I can do? What I do wrong? Sorry for the essay, I just thought that maybe unbiased people could help me...I've been feeling so down lately.



Reading what other people have put, don't act like an asshole to her D: the whole "playing their game" thing is, to me, just asking for a lot of trouble (especially in a relationship that seems to be somewhat ok for the most part)

And going back to Kiwimetal; yeah, I think we all wanna be chased. But goddammit I always .... up.


----------



## wat

JosephAOI said:


> Guys, I have a mega crush on my cute-as-all-hell manager but I don't know what to do




Squeeze her titties and then be like "JUST KIDDING HAHAHAHAHA"


----------



## glassmoon0fo

A few things:

sent a PM to Church last night, but there wasn't much left to be said that you guys didn't already say. Good support in here 

Playing a woman's game is NEVER a good idea. She'll beat you with experience. Often, the best and only winning move is to not play the game at all. Say, some women like me because I'm easy to talk to and women love to talk, and probably more because I have a stable job and am well established, but sometimes I just want to hook up and see where it goes from there because hey, I waited 6 months once before to find out this girl was completely incompatible with me in bed (lights off, misionary position only for the sole purpose of strengthening our bond is NOT my idea of a fun time ). So, if a girl loves how i take them out and treat them well so much that they want to make me wait for sex and really reel me in, i don't play that game and dont call. It's always fixed things pretty quick haha. What I suggest you do is, don't play that whole crying game. If she just HAS to cry, she can go do it on her own somewhere and come talk to you like a reasonable adult when she's done. Women know what crying does to most men, and she's probably used to getting her way when she does it, and is probably well versed in guilt tactics, so the only winning move imo is to NOT PLAY. Speaking from experience here!

David Deangelo is a godsend to the average frustrated chump. I never felt like anything I learned from him was manipulative "game" that some man-child type guys like to run on women. He teaches how to build yourself into the type of man that ALL people, not just women, respond well to, from the ground up. Highly recommended if self-improvement is a hobby


----------



## Church2224

I appreciate all of the support guys, I really, do. This is something that I need the support of all of my friends and loved ones. 

And it is official, this girl and this guy are together. I thought I was getting better, guess not.


----------



## shawnt3

Church2224 said:


> I appreciate all of the support guys, I really, do. This is something that I need the support of all of my friends and loved ones.
> 
> And it is official, this girl and this guy are together. I thought I was getting better, guess not.


 
Hey Church,

As time goes on man, you will definitely start to feel better, and realize this chick ain't good enough for you. You seem like a real good dude, and the more you start to notice and believe that in yourself, the more girls will be attracted to that quality. I have had some rough breakups in the past too and started feeling terrible about myself...but I guess one magical day it clicked in for me that I started to live for MYSELF and no one else. I began to get in tune with the things that I love doing. I got myself in a band which keeps me happy, and I started working out and playing sports constantly. What I'm trying to say is, maybe take some time for yourself to figure out what you like and what makes you happy. Once you make yourself happy and are at peace with yourself, that confidence will shine through to everyone else, and girls will know that they can't .... with you. Its been two years probably since i've reached this state of mind, and i've never looked back. It is a time taking process, but I know you'll get there. Not to mention this girl will feel like a dumbass when she realizes what she could have had!


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## AngstRiddenDreams

JP Universe said:


> This.... Particularly for your situation Churchy DD is awesome for inner game stuff and reframing your view on woman which is where you need to start.
> 
> (As a side note about 10 yrs ago I discovered DD, experimented with his 'cocky funny' techniques which I figured would never work on a girl online and _*I was banging her within in a week.*_ (turned out she had a B/F too)


Your avatar is well suited my man.


----------



## JP Universe

Church2224 said:


> I appreciate all of the support guys, I really, do. This is something that I need the support of all of my friends and loved ones.
> 
> And it is official, this girl and this guy are together. I thought I was getting better, guess not.



I'd take it as a bonus that they are together. At least you can put your mind at ease now.... It's over, it wasn't meant to be and you've learnt a valuable lesson. Next time (and there will be a next time) a girl you like comes into your life you will handle the situation better..... She picked the dud, not the nice guy with awesome guitars  she's not the woman you thought she was.

Avoid them as much as possible to make it easier on yourself and your mind. Launch yourself into your guitar playing/whoring!!



AngstRiddenDreams said:


> Your avatar is well suited my man.



I'm not the slut I used to be


----------



## Bekanor

glassmoon0fo said:


> A few things:
> 
> sent a PM to Church last night, but there wasn't much left to be said that you guys didn't already say. Good support in here
> 
> Playing a woman's game is NEVER a good idea. She'll beat you with experience. Often, the best and only winning move is to not play the game at all. Say, some women like me because I'm easy to talk to and women love to talk, and probably more because I have a stable job and am well established, but sometimes I just want to hook up and see where it goes from there because hey, I waited 6 months once before to find out this girl was completely incompatible with me in bed (lights off, misionary position only for the sole purpose of strengthening our bond is NOT my idea of a fun time ). So, if a girl loves how i take them out and treat them well so much that they want to make me wait for sex and really reel me in, i don't play that game and dont call. It's always fixed things pretty quick haha. What I suggest you do is, don't play that whole crying game. If she just HAS to cry, she can go do it on her own somewhere and come talk to you like a reasonable adult when she's done. Women know what crying does to most men, and she's probably used to getting her way when she does it, and is probably well versed in guilt tactics, so the only winning move imo is to NOT PLAY. Speaking from experience here!



Couldn't agree with this more, both for the reasons stated and one that I've come to realise. The rules for women's games change when you play them. You'll never meet a more hypocritical entity than a woman who is into playing these sorts of games. 

The natural instinct is to give them a taste of their own medicine, but if you're going to do that prepare to be met with completely irrational, hypocritical rage. You might get the odd one who realises how much it sucks to be put through it and get the point, but odds are most of them will simply flip out even more like how DARE you do that to them (even though they've literally just done the same thing to you). If you have stumbled into this situation, just walk away, you're not going to win and she's certainly not going to justify her reaction in any sensible way. Basically it's a sign that she doesn't respect you enough to think of you as having equal standing in things.


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## glassmoon0fo

^That is 100% true! To shamelessly plug David D's material again, that's called stealing her frame of reference. When you act exactly like a girl is acting without her knowing it, she runs out of material and has nothing to say or do (because you've done it already) and starts acting like a confused, frustrated guy 

@Church, man I know where you're coming from. I think you may be at a point right now where you just don't see how things could get much darker. Believe me, I been there. Early in my freshman year of college, my high school crush, whom i'd been working my way toward a real relationship with, broke it off with me because as she put it, "I simply wasn't going to be good enough for her". She was dating a highschool senior with a BMW the next week. I shook it off as best I could, went out and started sarging, but had a few setbacks in the form of 1)a girl ditching me to go bang my drum captain (I was on drumline) in her car at a party and 2)Me showing up for a planned date with another girl, only to have her pawn me off on her best friend because she met some other guy the day before. You think that hurt enough? Well, the other guy was my roommate and best friend. Got to hear them busting off some nuts through the walls a few times. 

I was in a VERY dark place bro, and it seemed like the world was mocking me. But then I realized, the world didn't even notice. And that was a GOOD thing, because it made me realize that the world doesn't owe anyone a damn thing, and if I was going to enjoy myself and the life I was givin, I had to make it happen. I took a step back from the female scene for a long time and actively DIDN'T look for any women for the first time in my life, and it was magnificently refreshing. It took all the pressure off, gave me some perspective, and I actually got closer to women easier because they realized that I wasn't after their sugarwalls, and THEN they started subtly showing interest in me. When I wasn't looking. Made no sense before, but it made all the sense in the world after. Plus, it showed me how incredibly powerful it can make you feel to friendzone a good looking female, and I understood why they do it so much . That's where everything, my whole overview on life and my place in it as a man, changed for the better. I couldn't have possibly forced that change, it just comes somewhere along the way, but only after you start taking care of yourself on all fronts.

All I'm saying here man, is that you are NOT defined by your past failures and the hurt you feel now will NOT last forever. As a matter of fact, the lessons you can learn from the past few events will far outweigh anything you're going through now, over the course of your lifetime. I'm talking tenfold. JPU is right, that guy did you a favor by showing you that she isn't the right one for you, and thus isnt worth all the anguish you're putting yourself through. Block her number and FB, and his, and take as much time as you need to be ok with the fact that they're an item, then realize that the world is moving on and you can move on with it. You'll be kicking ass and chewing bubblegum in no time. Good luck to you my friend, and holla at all of us if you ever need the support. Much love man!


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## benduncan

glassmoon0fo said:


> a girl ditching me to go bang my drum captain


im not trying to make light of your previous situation, but out of context, this is the best quote ever

ive been there too


----------



## glassmoon0fo

benduncan said:


> im not trying to make light of your previous situation, but out of context, this is the best quote ever
> 
> ive been there too



No doubt, I actually had and still have a curtain I made for my dorm room that said "save a drum, bang a drummer." I definately meant me though


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## zakattak192

Hung out with a qt 3.14 punk girl last night. I've liked her for a long time, like 2 years, but was always too beta to make a move, plus this was the first time we ever hung out alone. Turns out she's liked me too, but was also too beta to say anything. We got ice cream and watched Courage the Cowardly Dog. Long story short, I ended up gettin' with her , but she graduates from high school next week, and after that is moving back home to Chicago for college, which really sucks cause I really like this girl, but I totally missed my chance at making her my gf.

I don't want to feel these feels anymore ;_;


----------



## Idontpersonally

True story, I just went out the other day on a rejection spree. Just to make sure im nice and numb and neutral inside and sure 'nough. After a few polite no's the only thing i could think of was 'good answer' because theyre answers were all acceptable and straight forward. It felt cathartic to spend time in that potential/uncertainty zone all the while having no expectations or intentions whatsoever.
I remember a friend of mine saying he didnt always need to date or hook up with a girl, just making out was enough for him, my uncle his hella old but looks young and can get girls he's at that quality time level where just spending time with them is cool, kind of what i was going for. I should be good for a while now, back to man cave.


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## Dan_Vacant

So recently I've been talking to a crazy ex, I think she wants the D...


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## Dan_Vacant

And if I'm right imma tap that.


----------



## Scattered Messiah

Church2224 said:


> - huge story -



I feel you, man!
The more we are invested into something, emotionally and physically, the more we care about something - the more vunerable we are from that side.

Now, from the beginning:
It's a totally douche move, to ask out a girl you know a friend is dating. I won't waste a word on this.
That she went out with him was her decision, for reasons we do not know. Maybe she felt bored at that moment, or was just interested in getting to know "the wierd guy" - As long as you two are not in a relationship, have not decided to be the only dates or whatever, IMO she is totally playing by the rules 

What happened here is, that you simply lost control. Happens, sometimes with severe consequences, as you see. I won't say don't blame yourself, as it is indeed your task to have your reactions under control, in difficult situations. Nobody is always perfect.

nothing is wrong with you. Maybe you can't get anyone, because you are too focused on the goal and forget the trail. maybe you focus too much on the trail, and forget the goal. maybe you set too high standarts. maybe you are just unlucky. maybe she really is a bitch?
I've said it a few times already, in this thread:
the best hook is, to be in harmony with yourself. know what you want, know your weaknesses, feel good at simply being you.
As long as you can stand 100% behind everything you do, there will be no insecurity about wether you should speak to her or not ;-)


Now, about the advice given and wether it was true or not:
I would bet my next date (an extremely interesting one) on the fact, that she felt something for you.
Women tend to be strangely unfocused and insecure about their feelings while we simply tend to overanalyze or surpress them, for the same reasons (fear of bonding, loss of status, etc).


Wounds take time and EFFORT to heal - give yourself time, discover something new in you (a new hobby maybe), maybe read a few books.
Sounds like you had a serious crush, and that's already a thing to be thankful for ... an awful lot of people don't know what this is.
next time you'll be better 
try to grow from your mistakes ... If you were to give up because of something like this, who knows - maybe you'll miss the coolest part in your life?




Edit:
just because it fits with the whole theme right now...
I tend to simply not play women's games - unless I am sure I can win. Generally the best and easyest way is to not engage in the whole manipulation process, or just break it by doing something she did not expect. Being honest and upfront helps ... being able to play one or two tricks if needed is even better when she does not know you can ;-)
But generally, I ask myself if it really is worth the effort to turn the whole thing into a tactical battle for superiority and come to the conclusion it is not.


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## kchay

Dan_Vacant said:


> So recently I've been talking to a crazy ex, I think she wants the D...



Duuude, I think there's a reason you said she's "crazy ex"

0/10 would go there.


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## kchay

zakattak192 said:


> Hung out with a qt 3.14 punk girl last night. I've liked her for a long time, like 2 years, but was always too beta to make a move, plus this was the first time we ever hung out alone. Turns out she's liked me too, but was also too beta to say anything. We got ice cream and watched Courage the Cowardly Dog. Long story short, I ended up gettin' with her , but she graduates from high school next week, and after that is moving back home to Chicago for college, which really sucks cause I really like this girl, but I totally missed my chance at making her my gf.
> 
> I don't want to feel these feels anymore ;_;



Damn dude, that sucks :/

At the same time, is long distance an option?
If she's the same feelings for you, it mayy work if you both put the effort in.


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## zakattak192

kchay said:


> Damn dude, that sucks :/
> 
> At the same time, is long distance an option?
> If she's the same feelings for you, it mayy work if you both put the effort in.



I brought up the possibility of that. She actually just got out of a bad long-distance relationship, so yeah... no...  :\


----------



## ASoC

ASoC said:


> So a beautiful lady that I've been talking to (I'm crazy about her) is giving it a shot
> 
> Today is a fantastic day, I'm feeling only the best vibes.



Good vibes are only getting stronger 

The more we talk, the better things get. It is now apparent that she's just as crazy about me as I am about her. I haven't been this happy in a very long time


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## OzoneJunkie

Here's a tip for those of us (ahem... me  that have had an issue trying to get an ex out of one's mind. In my case, I've had an issue with her popping into my mind way too frequently (I won't even say how frequently, but it's unhealthy), and then having my mind go off for 10 to 15 seconds (sometimes more) with thoughts about her, usually negative, and emotional response. Sometimes the thoughts lead to moments of heartache...

My tip: as soon as she pops into my head, I think of a different ex girlfriend, one that I have no more feelings for, who's completely neutral in my head and heart. To be more precise, I just picture this neutral ex girlfriend's name. That's it.

It works. 

Frequency is subsiding...


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## Idontpersonally

4 chan is my real ex lover. My ol ladys acting weird about porn when shes a much bigger perv than me, not sayin porn makes u a perv, just sayin i am and she's the bigger one so either shes just f'n with me ooorr.. idk, never had a problem with it before and shes not just going to clearly tell me what the issue is.. anyone ever ended up girl vs porn..only once before she mentioned something like i stopped hittin on her, so thats porns fault? i dont ever remember hitting on her i thought we just clicked...


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## Scattered Messiah

easy step by step solution:
1) stop watching porn
2) bang her so unbelievably hard and good, she's totally exhausted - live out your fantasies
3) continue to do so for a period of time (no pun intended)
4) she'll either acknowledge you have a bigger libido than her, logical solution ahead (you'll have to resolve this problem yourself, obvioùsly)
or you'll end up having a great sexlife
or both?

-> winwin?


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## kchay

zakattak192 said:


> I brought up the possibility of that. She actually just got out of a bad long-distance relationship, so yeah... no...  :\



Damn dude.
Shiiiiiiiit. I'm sorry to hear.


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## vilk

OzoneJunkie said:


> I think of a different ex girlfriend, one that I have no more feelings for, who's completely neutral in my head and heart.


 Weird. This is usually the exact thing I do while I'm having sex with my girlfriend.


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## asher

baron samedi said:


> Weird. This is usually the exact thing I do while I'm having sex with my girlfriend.



Because....?

I can think of a reason or two to do this actually, but I'm curious.


----------



## Church2224

Thank you everyone for the love and support, you have no idea how much your support and guidance has meant to me. I would respond to everyone's messages separately, but I doubt my tendonitis would allow that. 

I am getting much better. For a while I was waking up with anxiety attacks and having nightmares, but now that has all subsided. I have cast women aside for the time being and decided to focus more on my interests and just getting other important tasks taken care of in my life. Also going to pick up a martial art some time soon, probably Mauy Thai, should be fun.

My biggest issue was that I thought I could never find a girl like that again, so I fixated on her for so much. Also, I was beating myself that I could never get a girl like that, if not better. Fortunately, I have been going out a little more and just tried talking to women I am attracted to and all of them said I am an attractive guy, so my confidence in that aspect has been improving. 

As for this situation, more and more keeps unraveling about it. Apparently this so called "Friend" of mine had been talking shit about me behind my back for a good few months, according to a very trusted mutual friend of mine who has taken my side on the issue. Also this girl has not completely blown me off, she is still liking some of my stuff on Facebook from time to time. The way everyone sees it, this relationship took a lot of people by surprise because she can do a lot better than a guy who dropped out of high school, got his GED, still has issues with drugs, works as nothing more than a waiter AND talks shit about his own friends. She also was not that big of a fan of him for a while, and acted more like a tutor to him at school than anything. 

What do I think? Sub consciously she pities him. She needs a man to take care of and look out for. She has had many strong, independent guys talk to her and be her friend, but for some reason she never wanted to go out with them. 

Relationships like that never work out, which is why I think her track record with them has been so poor. I am more mature, more independent, logical, intelligent, more of a man's man than what this loser is. And while I do no think it could ever work out between her and I, I would LOVE to be there when this relationship crashes and show her what a REAL man is, not what a little boy is, not what some punk bitch is, but a MAN.


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## glassmoon0fo

Honestly church, it sounds like you're still very emotionally invested in that girl and the guy, which is a good way to end up right back where you were. I it was me, I'd not just pretend to move on, but actually move on. Be her friend, if she chases you. If this other guy comes up in conversation, be above it and just say that you had your differences and you wish him well in the future, even if you don't. That is THE most manly AND most attractive thing to do in this situation, methinks. And anytime you start thinking that this girl is awesome and deserves your attention, she has your power again. Just remember that she was dumb enough to make you her second choice, and that she probobly let captain asshole go balls deep, and you should have your head on straight again. Go game up some other women and move on bro. Good luck to you, but you don't need it cuz youre the shit


----------



## Idontpersonally




----------



## trianglebutt

Church, I don't know you very well but I've been in a situation similar to yours. Please stay away from that bitch, she doesn't deserve anything from you.


----------



## Blitzie

*GUYS I NEED ADVICE*

So I walked into my local Petsmart today and asked the girl working in back if she could get me some crickets. She started to get them for me and asked me what animal I was feeding them too and I told her that I have a scorpion.

She was immediately intrigued and asked me a whole bunch of questions. Then she started telling me about all of her animals and telling me stories about them.

All the while she's doing this, she isn't walking around doing her job. She isn't feeding fish and talking to me. She's leaned up against her station, planted there, talking my ear off. We talked for about an hour about all kinds of shit, including what kind of dinosaurs we would want if we could have them.

Eventually it got busy and I had to run, so as she was writing the UPC codes on the bags of creatures I bought, I said "so which bag would you like to put your phone number on?". She said "how about an email?" and wrote down her email address. As she was doing so, I said "oh I guess I'm too much of a creep for your phone number" and she said "no, no. You're pretty awesome." and I left.

WHAT HAPPENED?! Did I get rejected? Did I read her body language all wrong? Is this just as good as a number? Help me!


----------



## Idontpersonally

F** Thats a good one. E mail usually means friendzone, not as good as a number imo. But if you really wanted her number im sure you could get it. Visit a lot, chat some. Figure out a ways to make her offer it to you without asking directly since she already said no once. Email should be a last resort though. Even though i dont like texting, I noticed a girl will more likely give you her number if you mention texting while _your_ body language is calm/assertive like its almost suggesting she cant say no. If that makes sense. Anyway, i love talking to women while theyre working, some of them do just like a conversation when theyre bored though. Youd be surprised how much free shit you can get even without getting a number.


----------



## Church2224

glassmoon0fo said:


> Just remember that she was dumb enough to make you her second choice, and that she probobly let captain asshole go balls deep, and you should have your head on straight again.



I know you are trying to help, and I appreciate the hell out of it my brother..but that is the main issue . I know that she is allowing that asshole to...do things to her, and that I am not the one she choose, instead she choose some idiot, and I cannot accept that. 

I will fully admit, you are right. I am still emotionally invested in her and for some reason I am so blinded by my emotions I still want to forgive her. Yet, I would love nothing more than to see this blow up in their faces, to beat this guy into a bloody pulp for taking her and talking shit about me behind my back, and at the same time I want to chew her out for being illogical and choosing some looser over me. At the same time, I will want to be with her and honestly, get in bed with her still 

I know I am rambling but it is just so hard for me to let go and move on from her, despite all that has happened. 

I just want to know...WHY?!?! Despite everything, why do women choose these type of...well, I cannot call these type of guys man, more like 20 something year old boys with the maturity of 14 year olds.


----------



## MFB

Because they firmly believe they can change a man and they like projects, you just have to let it go. 

I know it sucks to think, but to me bro, it seems like your issue is that you immediately fall for them and think it's going to be kittens and rainbows once you have one conversation. You've got to ease off the gas and accept that in time, love will happen and that you can't force it. I've had two girlfriends in my time as an actual "adult" - one which happened because she was the first girl I ever fell for and we had talked and at that point she was single so she figured why not see what happened if we finally dated; I was in a tough spot at the moment and was making time for it despite all of it and she felt I was being "whiny and emo" so she dumped me and I was on the phone with her when she ended up starting talking to my best friend whom she would then date for the next year and a half or so. Then my next girlfriend wasn't until three years later when I least expected it and we were total strangers which was a first for me since I had only dated/fell for people I had known for a while.

Long story short: didn't work out, and I'm still not sure how I look back on it. It's been two and a half years since then and I don't have time for love so I'm not even thinking about it aside from when ....ing family members bring it up at social events and you know what? It's great. I'll find someone when I ....ing have time for it, but not when I'm working 30 hours a week with another 12-16 hours of class time, and 20 hours of homework. There's just literally no time I can spare to make a relationship work and I wouldn't do that to someone.

You HAVE to be relaxed or else you're going to keep feeling like everything's working against you and it's an uphill battle. Go easy on the love pedal and you'll be fine, but if you floor it like it's a drag race you're gonna ruin it.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Church2224 said:


> I just want to know...WHY?!?! Despite everything, why do women choose these type of...well, I cannot call these type of guys man, more like 20 something year old boys with the maturity of 14 year olds.



because they are selfish pricks. and as selfish pricks they tend not to to give too many ....s about treating women with a respect and a sense of equality; which is seen as attractive. 

you see, as much as nice guys want to elevate their ladies and treat them like royalty, it ultimately is a turnoff. women are attracted to men who don't _need_ attachment, who have so much self confidence and drive that they seem like good mates (we're all animals after all). unfortunately because of the 3rd wave of feminism, masculinity has lost its definition and there are no good male role models for women to refer to as "men." so those "14 year-old boys" are mistaken to be real men because they have a dont give a .... "use-it-and-lose-it" mentality. 

what women really want, and what you should strive to achieve, is a man who is respectful, loving and honest but whose sense of individuality remains intact. you need to be so secure in your life, so set in your goals, that when a lady whom you love comes into your life it is because you allow it and it fits into your goals. because to a woman, a man who sticks to his guns and has confidence in himself, is the ultimate turn-on. 

glassmoon is right; woman so rule the game now that the ideal male is slowly slipping away. your goal is to show them how real men operate. and trust, that bitch will be regretting she let you go when get back from this and living life for yourself again. trust me. 

don't let those other dudes get you down, small people in a small world. set your sights on the bigger things in life and you'll find that there is a whole other class of woman waiting for the right type to show up. 

chin up dawg. 




























....... and masturbate a lot. in fact this is probably the one thing you should never give up for anybody


----------



## vilk

Getting an email instead of a phone number, as far as I can tell, means she doesn't want you calling her while she's with 'somebody'. So she probably has a boyfriend, or weird religious parents, or some kind of guy who's in love with her that she's using, etc. She wants you to be a SECRET. That being said, it almost certainly means you can at least get your dick wet on some odd weekday night when she's finally managed to get some time to herself. Just make it happen. Email her, try to set up a time to see her, and know in your heart that she is considering you for a secret .... buddy. Maybe that's not exactly what you want, but c'mon, if she's cute it can't be what you DON'T want, right? Also if you bang her little brains out she's probably start liking you and BAM she's your nerdly little gf and yall can watch jurassic park together forever


----------



## Blitzie

baron samedi said:


> Getting an email instead of a phone number, as far as I can tell, means she doesn't want you calling her while she's with 'somebody'. So she probably has a boyfriend, or weird religious parents, or some kind of guy who's in love with her that she's using, etc. She wants you to be a SECRET. That being said, it almost certainly means you can at least get your dick wet on some odd weekday night when she's finally managed to get some time to herself. Just make it happen. Email her, try to set up a time to see her, and know in your heart that she is considering you for a secret .... buddy. Maybe that's not exactly what you want, but c'mon, if she's cute it can't be what you DON'T want, right? Also if you bang her little brains out she's probably start liking you and BAM she's your nerdly little gf and yall can watch jurassic park together forever



 stellar advice.

I actually do like her. She's interesting and absolutely gorgeous. She's the kind of girl I see walking around all the time and find myself staring at for a _little too long_ and I'd love to see where I can take this.

I emailed her a couple hours ago. So far, I haven't heard back. But if what you're saying (and a lot of my friends, honestly), then she's not had time to herself to answer me. I'm just gonna be patient and go along for the ride. I do hope to hear from her sooner rather than later.


----------



## asher

Church2224 said:


> I know you are trying to help, and I appreciate the hell out of it my brother..but that is the main issue . I know that she is allowing that asshole to...do things to her, and that I am not the one she choose, instead she choose some idiot, and I cannot accept that.



Hate to be blunt, but... you *have* to. Sorry man, but you cannot do anything about their choices. All you can control is you, and it's not going to help you to rage against things that have already happened. I know it's not easy IN THE SLIGHTEST, but it's necessary.



> I just want to know...WHY?!?! Despite everything, why do women choose these type of...well, I cannot call these type of guys man, more like 20 something year old boys with the maturity of 14 year olds.



In the end, it doesn't really matter that much. How you learn to deal with this situation and pain is what's infinitely more important, because that will apply to every other thing that happens moving forward for the rest of your life. On the other hand, why she did this may have nothing to do with why any other hypothetical girl rejects you in the future.


----------



## vilk

Blitzie said:


> stellar advice.
> 
> I actually do like her. She's interesting and absolutely gorgeous. She's the kind of girl I see walking around all the time and find myself staring at for a _little too long_ and I'd love to see where I can take this.
> 
> I emailed her a couple hours ago. So far, I haven't heard back. But if what you're saying (and a lot of my friends, honestly), then she's not had time to herself to answer me. I'm just gonna be patient and go along for the ride. I do hope to hear from her sooner rather than later.


Well, even if she doesn't get you back, look at it this way: she probably wants too but she's tied up with something. I'm just saying don't lose sleep over her and if she never gets back to you it's probably not because of something on your end. But yeah, I know the feeling of getting contact information from a girl you like and then checking your shit 100+ times a day... but yeah like I said, don't get frustrated if nothing happens.

Also, and I'm not sure why, I know many girls feel weird about going out with someone who they met while they were working. They're all like "but he's a stranger!!" ... well, yeah so is everyone until you meet them! So yeah, that's a thing, too. Well, have fun checking your mail more than you ever did in your life till now lol


----------



## flint757

Church2224 said:


> I know you are trying to help, and I appreciate the hell out of it my brother..but that is the main issue . I know that she is allowing that asshole to...do things to her, and that I am not the one she choose, instead she choose some idiot, and I cannot accept that.
> 
> I will fully admit, you are right. I am still emotionally invested in her and for some reason I am so blinded by my emotions I still want to forgive her. Yet, I would love nothing more than to see this blow up in their faces, to beat this guy into a bloody pulp for taking her and talking shit about me behind my back, and at the same time I want to chew her out for being illogical and choosing some looser over me. At the same time, I will want to be with her and honestly, get in bed with her still
> 
> I know I am rambling but it is just so hard for me to let go and move on from her, despite all that has happened.
> 
> I just want to know...WHY?!?! Despite everything, why do women choose these type of...well, I cannot call these type of guys man, more like 20 something year old boys with the maturity of 14 year olds.



She's not your property and she is free to make any choice she wants. I'm actually going to be more blunt than Asher, reading your posts about this chick and other dude makes you seem more like the dick than him. It comes across petty and egotistical. Mind you I'm not saying any of that is the case, but you need to tone it down...a lot. She is free to make whatever choice she wants and she doesn't owe you anything for you to feel so betrayed. Based on how you met her the whole thing was setup as you 2 being friend not lovers so it isn't as if she cheated either. It sucks to get looked over and it has happened to me more than once (trust me). I've been cheated on several times as well which is far worse than just being not chosen. We move on through the day and after some time we get over it. I eventually forgave and moved on with my life. It hurt a lot when it happened, but looking back on it I couldn't give a shit and realized that it wasn't the right thing for me anyhow. Stop with the petty insults though, that's not how men behave . You're much better than that. 

I also agree with Asher, MFB and Ibanezsam4 

[EDIT]

Sorry if this comes off harsh or excessively rude, but I felt it needed to be said.


----------



## Church2224

flint757 said:


> She's not your property and she is free to make any choice she wants. I'm actually going to be more blunt than Asher, reading your posts about this chick and other dude makes you seem more like the dick than him. It comes across petty and egotistical. Mind you I'm not saying any of that is the case, but you need to tone it down...a lot. She is free to make whatever choice she wants and she doesn't owe you anything for you to feel so betrayed. Based on how you met her the whole thing was setup as you 2 being friend not lovers so it isn't as if she cheated either. It sucks to get looked over and it has happened to me more than once (trust me). I've been cheated on several times as well which is far worse than just being not chosen. We move on through the day and after some time we get over it. I eventually forgave and moved on with my life. It hurt a lot when it happened, but looking back on it I couldn't give a shit and realized that it wasn't the right thing for me anyhow. Stop with the petty insults though, that's not how men behave . You're much better than that.
> 
> I also agree with Asher, MFB and Ibanezsam4
> 
> [EDIT]
> 
> Sorry if this comes off harsh or excessively rude, but I felt it needed to be said.



Yeah I think I needed to hear that, I know your intentions, thanks man.

Sorry guys, I think I just had a bad day yesterday and my mind was not in the best mindset. I had a stomach virus and a bad day at work, feeling much better now about everything, including this


----------



## -42-

If anyone could get me a .gif of with the words "THE FRIENDZONE DOES NOT EXIST" flashing black and white I would love to have it so I CAN POST IT ON EVERY PAGE OF THIS THREAD.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Did you one better


----------



## asher

first one is utter win.


----------



## Idontpersonally

asher said:


> first one is utter win.



*Fixed
That last one i really wanted to use, Just not the right time...sooon..


----------



## Blitzie

Still no answer from the Petsmart girl  it hasn't even been 24 hours yet, but I'm losing hope.


----------



## -42-

Blitzie said:


> Still no answer from the Petsmart girl  it hasn't even been 24 hours yet, but I'm losing hope.



Shit buddy take it easy. 

For future refernce, this is why you ask a girl if they have Facebook.


----------



## flint757

Another option would have been coming in a second time and striking up conversation. Seeing her a few more times makes you less of a stranger and she may be more willing. Then again she may not be single to offer it even if she wanted to.


----------



## Idontpersonally

-42- said:


> Shit buddy take it easy.
> 
> For future refernce, this is why you ask a girl if they have Facebook.


Doesnt that instantly make you that "fb stalker guy"


----------



## Blitzie

-42- said:


> Shit buddy take it easy.
> 
> For future refernce, this is why you ask a girl if they have Facebook.



I would have, but I don't have one myself.

I know I'm clearly panicking way too early but this is just how I am. I'm calm, it isn't like I'm sobbing uncontrollably, I'm just nervous.

And I would go back but "local" in Connecticut generally means within 40 minutes. The store she works in in about that far away. Not exactly the kind of drive I want to take constantly, and run the risk of scaring her off.


----------



## -42-

Idontpersonally said:


> Doesnt that instantly make you that "fb stalker guy"



Only if you actually do it, just use it to take advantage of the message system and check if she's single. If you don't go around liking and commenting on all her shit you shouldn't have to worry.


----------



## flint757

Blitzie said:


> I would have, but I don't have one myself.
> 
> I know I'm clearly panicking way too early but this is just how I am. I'm calm, it isn't like I'm sobbing uncontrollably, I'm just nervous.
> 
> And I would go back but "local" in Connecticut generally means within 40 minutes. The store she works in in about that far away. Not exactly the kind of drive I want to take constantly, and run the risk of scaring her off.



That does complicate things.


----------



## Idontpersonally

-42- said:


> Only if you actually do it, just use it to take advantage of the message system and check if she's single. If you don't go around liking and commenting on all her shit you shouldn't have to worry.


yea true, if i couldnt get the number Id probably just move on and call it a day though. The only time a girl has really ever talked via fb that i was actually interested in was after i got their number first. Some are more talkative there some are more face to face. I remember this fb girl i liked where any post that kind of hinted she was interested she would delete or change it bc she had a bf. So I never texted her bc of her bf, but we both kind of stalked a bit. Most of the good ones on there were taken anyway and if you have no mutals i think its kind of a hit or miss waiting game ime. If i had to go that route id just date online or something.


----------



## JEngelking

So I have an interesting situation I feel like sharing: 
So last August a friend of mine was talking to his lady friend, and one day when we were hanging out he told me his lady friend's friend was interested in seeing someone, and relayed the message that he recommended me. I was given this girl's number, and we started talking. She seemed pretty cool, we shared some interests, was quite attractive and was fairly easy to talk to. I was open to the idea of a relationship at the time, and therefore was open to try dating this girl.

Fast forward a week or so of us talking, my band had our record release show. This girl, along with her friend whom my male friend is amigos with, come to the show. We talk a bit, though I was awkwardly quiet and hesitant around her that night just because I was nervous, admittedly. So my band plays, I get crowdsurfed/carried through the front door of the venue, it was a good time and super fun. I go back to the stage and on my way through the people I walk past my lady friend and she taps me on the arm and says "You were really good!" I was pretty happy at this point, since I'd apparently impressed her with my musical abilities playing music I knew she wasn't necessarily a fan of. I met a couple of her friends later that night, everything was going well. Before she leaves, I give her a hug and she asks "Text me later?" in a cute fashion. Things seemed to be going well.

After the show, my bandmates and our friends go back home to hang out, and we get some celebratory cigars. We were walking around town, enjoying the good night, and my friend who had set me up with this girl relays a message from his lady friend, asking if I liked this girl who I'd been talking to, and confirming that she definitely liked me. All was well...
The next week, we go on a double date with a friend of mine and his girlfriend to get some ice cream. It went well, my lady said she had fun and wanted to get together again. Bueno, right?

Well we talk for a couple more weeks after that, and one day I asked if she'd wanna get together sometime soon and do something, and she basically said "Yeah, although I tend to get pretty busy when the school year starts, just as a forewarning." I figured "Okay, I understand that, we can still find some free time in our schedules to do stuff." After this once a day or every couple days I'd send a casual "Hey there," but no more as to play it cool and not be overbearing, obviously. She'd either not respond to these less and less, rarely she'd text me on her own accord without me texting her first, or the ensuing conversation would be very short. After a couple days of me eventually getting no response to these texts, I figured "Well she has my texts and number, if she feels like responding then she can. Otherwise she just might not be interested anymore, and that's no biggie." Alas, I didn't hear back from her anymore, and figured she wasn't interested, which I later found out was basically the case. I wasn't beat up at all over it, just sorta thought "welp that's unfortunate" and just went about living my life as per usual.

Now fast forward to last night: I check my Facebook and see I have a message. It's from this girl, after almost a year of no contact. I hadn't expected to hear from her ever again, after learning that around the same time that she stopped talking to me she also told other friends of hers, including her best friend who was my friend's lady friend, saying to her best friend randomly one day, essentially "I don't like who you are, I don't wanna be friends anymore." As such, I had removed her from my contacts and on Facebook and naturally moved on with my life. In this message, she said how she was sorry if she hurt me (she really didn't), how she had a shitty year and a lot of stuff to deal with, and stopped talking to a lot of people in addition to me and made a bad choice in doing these things, since she really did like me. She also said she "hopes I can forgive here because I was really awesome and cool to talk to." I responded, telling her I appreciated her clarifying the whole thing, I had no hard feelings about the whole thing, I just took it all as "shit happens" and I wasn't holding a grudge about it or anything.

I made a point to not make it seem like I was interested in trying to make a dating relationship from it again. I figure if this has happened once, it could happen again, which turns me off to the idea of getting together. Additionally, while I was attracted to her at the time, like I said I've moved on since then and I have been, as well as currently am, interested in other girls. 

Like I said, not looking for advice per se, as getting together with her seems like a bad idea though I have no hard feelings about the whole experience, but more so just felt like sharing the story.


----------



## Blitzie

flint757 said:


> That does complicate things.



It isn't much of a problem if she were to start communicating with me. If we did and it was much like it was yesterday, I'd have no issues at all driving to see her or whatever.

I suppose if I don't hear from her, I'll let it go. Obviously I'd like to hear back from her, but I'm not expecting it.


----------



## Idontpersonally

*got ninjad n/m.


----------



## MFB

Blitzie said:


> Still no answer from the Petsmart girl  it hasn't even been 24 hours yet, but I'm losing hope.



Try sending her another 599 e-mails

(´&#65381;&#969;&#65381;`)


----------



## Blitzie

I decided to play it safe and send 1599, instead of 599. I don't want her to get mixed signals.


----------



## Idontpersonally

I guess you say, what could make me take this meme awaaaay.



My durp...


----------



## Scattered Messiah

I did not say
"don't masturbate"
nor did I say
"don't have sex"
?


about the email thing:
she obviously wants to test you in a way.
Don't press too much on her, be funny and cool to write with, and don't ask for a number. I guess the "secret" thing could be true, too...
And if she does not answer, don't go to the shop on the next possible occasion.

Go to the shop the next time you really would have gone without her - don't ignore her, but don't actively search contact. if she starts talking to you, then simply ask her for a date.

Dating without means of mobile communication can be loads of fun, maybe she is just in for the kick of doing stuff differently.




tips for all of you:
go to a metal club with close to zero sleep the last 40h, in really nonmetal clothes - I had thought there were not many attractive metalchicks left in munich ... I was sooo wrong


----------



## Idontpersonally

Scattered Messiah said:


> I did not say
> "don't masturbate"
> nor did I say
> "don't have sex"
> ?
> 
> 
> about the email thing:
> she obviously wants to test you in a way.
> Don't press too much on her, be funny and cool to write with, and don't ask for a number. I guess the "secret" thing could be true, too...
> And if she does not answer, don't go to the shop on the next possible occasion.
> 
> Go to the shop the next time you really would have gone without her - don't ignore her, but don't actively search contact. if she starts talking to you, then simply ask her for a date.
> 
> Dating without means of mobile communication can be loads of fun, maybe she is just in for the kick of doing stuff differently.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> tips for all of you:
> go to a metal club with close to zero sleep the last 40h, in really nonmetal clothes - I had thought there were not many attractive metalchicks left in munich ... I was sooo wrong


 You said stop watching porn but jk anyway. 
I would have told him to ignore her just a bit until she strikes up the convo again like you said*shrug* did he ever say her age? ime younger girls dont do any testing or emails, thyere too busy and weed through guys very quickly, older girls do though around 30+. It took me almost a year of regular emailing to get asked out on a date and i still havent asked for her number, its worth the wait if you really like the person, but its not something that was intentional, it just happened. sometimes you just have to click with a person. Good conversations one thing, but theres only so much you can do if someone doesnt have the same feelings you do all the technique in the world wont help.

You ever seen those shuffle girl videos....... ermurgurd those are cool and i want one..gamer girls are cool too but i cant play very well so yea nothing beats a metal head if youre a metal head.


----------



## Blitzie

Still no answer.

She's around my age. Probably a little younger. I'd say 21, if you made me guess.

I'm have no idea what to think. My roommate says that she might just be very personable and that I misinterpreted that for romantic interest. But I was so sure...I would have bet my life that she was interested in me.

It comes down to a couple things I guess. 1) she's playing it cool and taking her time answering me 2) I am a "secret" in some way and she hasn't been able to respond 3) she gave me her email instead of her number so that she could more easily avoid me, without letting me down directly

Like I said, ball is in her court. If she wants to answer me, that's awesome. But if she doesn't, I'm not gonna send follow up messages or go see her.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Sounds like a plan. Some girls are just talkers/flirts, especially under 25. Some will even give you their number [even with a bf] and continue being the coolest girl/flirt you've ever talked to without having any intention of anything more than conversation. It took me years to learn that, but you kind of appreciate them more when you can take what you need from the conversation[ if it was deep or something] and not think of them all as dating material.....*Edit- something else i just learned today*- This girl on YT is saying how she cant have guy friends cause they always try to do shit and it ....s up the friendship*-I thought they just brushed that shit off... *mindblown* ...back to the semi relevant story...

IE: once i met a girl at her work, got her number even though she said no a couple times cause she had a bf. Talked to her a while, on the phone not text, and after a few weeks or so she basically said 'well g2g my bf is back'[he was on vacation] and i wasnt mad or anything it just felt good to talk to her guess. So yea e mail doesnt necessarily scream 'priority" ime, and even with the one im emailing now she apologizes if theres too much time in between[but not like a couple days] , you wont really get that from younger girls.... If you want a girl though just go get one lol They dont usually come to you...Try again, Try this get a shoe box and fill it with numbers. [im really old fashioned, you can use your phone] Some will not answer/text no matter how nice they were when they gave it to u, half of them will only text a couple weeks or so. So you need a decent sized pool to draw from, 10-15 should be fine. Pick the one that wants to see you/talk to you on the regular. When you get these numbers, _**Do Not wait a week* to call*_. 3 days max or they will have already forgotten who you were/what you guys talked about. 

@ scattered the thing is shes withholding all that. She didnt come right out and say its an ultimatum, but i get that vibe. So even when i asked some girls they said something similar," bang her anyway", but im not literally going to try bang her if she doesnt want to. If i ask for a kiss i feel like a 10 year old and even worse if she says no i feel like a dumb 10 yrs old smh


----------



## Blitzie

No answer. I'm calling it.

RIP potentially awesome relationship with impossibly hot Petsmart girl. 6/8/13-6/12/13.


----------



## tm20

^ i know dat feel. don't give up though, just keep approaching girls


----------



## Goro923

Just discovered this thread (I know, right?).

Would of been great if I had done so like 2 and a half years ago when I FINALLY managed the mental strength to talk to and eventually go on one date with this RIDICULOUSLY attractive girl from my music school who I later found out had a girlfriend for like 6 months prior.

At least now I know I can even get a lesbian chick if I really want to


----------



## wat

Best thing is to just not give a .......at all

If you're interested, just let them know and see whats up. If they are interested too, then great. If not, that's okay too because you don't give a .... and its all cool


----------



## Blitzie

I think this girl meant a lot to me right away because she is the first girl I thought was genuinely interested in me since my ex left me 6 months ago.

It was kind of like a "hey, you still have a little value in the dating pool" thing.


----------



## Metal_Webb

So, guess what SSO.

Got friendzoned. Yet again. FFS.
Was sure I was onto a winner as well. Was getting all the right signals, etc etc. Nek minnit, I suggest we spend more time together now that I'm done with uni for the semester and all I get in response is "Why not date another student that has plenty of time?".

.... me. Every woman I get interested in has done this to me. Every. Single. One.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Metal_Webb said:


> So, guess what SSO.
> 
> Got friendzoned. Yet again. FFS.
> Was sure I was onto a winner as well. Was getting all the right signals, etc etc. Nek minnit, I suggest we spend more time together now that I'm done with uni for the semester and all I get in response is "Why not date another student that has plenty of time?".
> 
> .... me. Every woman I get interested in has done this to me. Every. Single. One.


Perhaps you should reconsider your actions, then?


----------



## shawnt3

^ Thats a win in my books!


----------



## Metal_Webb

UnderTheSign said:


> Perhaps you should reconsider your actions, then?



I know it sounds typical, but I really don't know what to do different. I be kind, understanding, chilled out. I'm not going to start being an asshole, that's just not in my nature at all.


----------



## Murmel

From my understanding you just gotta get in there and be aggressive. Not in a push-her-down-the-stairs kind of way, but I think you get what I'm saying.

On another note I just wanna throw it out there that only in the movies will your best friends not start a relationship with someone you also like. I would do the same thing though.
This just goes to show that people are selfish bastards in general.


----------



## flint757

Murmel said:


> Not in a push-her-down-the-stairs kind of way.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Murmel said:


> On another note I just wanna throw it out there that only in the movies will your best friends not start a relationship with someone you also like. I would do the same thing though.
> This just goes to show that people are selfish bastards in general.


I think youre onto something


----------



## synrgy

Murmel said:


> On another note I just wanna throw it out there that only in the movies will your best friends not start a relationship with someone you also like.



Yup. Most of my ex-girlfriends eventually dated friends of mine.  That's a natural part of the cycle, unfortunately, when we share our circles of friends. It's just a matter of proximity, really. I mean, we can't form relationships with people we haven't met.

Unfortunately, it usually takes a fair amount of time and experience before most of us gain enough perspective to realize how insecure and unreasonable of us it is to expect anything different.


----------



## wat

Metal_Webb said:


> I know it sounds typical, but I really don't know what to do different. I be kind, understanding, chilled out. I'm not going to start being an asshole, that's just not in my nature at all.



Probly need to just take the bull by the horns 

She's probly getting dick from a guy who already did. Not exactly sure that makes him an asshole


----------



## asher

flint757 said:


>


----------



## Konfyouzd

I think I might swear off relationships for my own mental health. I analyze my own behavior on a fairly regular basis. I've noticed almost every time a relationship starts all I ever think ab is how to get out of it. So... Most of the issues are probably 80% my fault even though I can't seem to meet anyone that isn't baby crazy, ditzy or both. 

Time to find some slutty friends.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Konfyouzd said:


> I think I might swear off relationships for my own mental health. I analyze my own behavior on a fairly regular basis. I've noticed almost every time a relationship starts all I ever think ab is how to get out of it. So... Most of the issues are probably 80% my fault even though I can't seem to meet anyone that isn't baby crazy, ditzy or both.
> 
> Time to find some slutty friends.


 Arent the ones the best in bed usually the most cray cray?

Ever had your gf try to convince you that had an anger problem?
True story
her: you have anger issues 
me: no i dont, 
her: why are you yelling? 
me: im not 
her: Your always so angry
* press repeat-Fast forward an hour*
me: *I DONT HAVE A F*KING ANGER PROBLEM *aaah throws shit* 
her: omg dont get mad, guess what i was listening to meshuggah the other day and though about you
me :really?
then im trapped another year or so, mind you this is a cycle, she's only calm when im angry that she does this...... hell she argues over custody of kids we dont even have yet..


----------



## Bekanor

Metal_Webb said:


> So, guess what SSO.
> 
> Got friendzoned. Yet again. FFS.
> Was sure I was onto a winner as well. Was getting all the right signals, etc etc. Nek minnit, I suggest we spend more time together now that I'm done with uni for the semester and all I get in response is "Why not date another student that has plenty of time?".
> 
> .... me. Every woman I get interested in has done this to me. Every. Single. One.



I know them feels dude, there doesn't seem to be any women in this town actually looking for a relationship with anything but a juiced up islander with a skyline. 

However I was thinking the other day that you, Fiction and I should get together for a jam real soon, if nothing else we may be able to start a bromance for the ages.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

Feels weird at the moment, most of my friends are coupling off now and it feels like I'm one of the few who's not in a relationship (and one of VERY few who've never been in a relationship at all) at this point.

I'm not bitter, angry or particularly jealous because I'm not old enough for this to be (IMO) an issue of any level of seriousness, just sorta feels like time is moving without me.


----------



## Metal_Webb

wat said:


> Probly need to just take the bull by the horns
> 
> She's probly getting dick from a guy who already did. Not exactly sure that makes him an asshole



She isn't lol. She even said she realised her last couple of boyfriends were douchebags, hence why they're ex's 

That's the other thing, I had grabbed the bull by the horns this time however she appeared to be a lot more, hesitant, about things. :shrugs: oh well. It sucks but there's no point being hung up over it :/



Bekanor said:


> However I was thinking the other day that you, Fiction and I should get together for a jam real soon, if nothing else we may be able to start a bromance for the ages.



For sure. I need to try to play/hang out with other musicians more. Being a bedroom warrior is fun and all but that will only get me so far


----------



## Konfyouzd

Idontpersonally said:


> Arent the ones the best in bed usually the most cray cray?
> 
> Ever had your gf try to convince you that had an anger problem?
> True story
> her: you have anger issues
> me: no i dont,
> her: why are you yelling?
> me: im not
> her: Your always so angry
> * press repeat-Fast forward an hour*
> me: *I DONT HAVE A F*KING ANGER PROBLEM *aaah throws shit*
> her: omg dont get mad, guess what i was listening to meshuggah the other day and though about you
> me :really?
> then im trapped another year or so, mind you this is a cycle, she's only calm when im angry that she does this...... hell she argues over custody of kids we dont even have yet..



That sounds like those ppl that say black ppl are angry and violent then proceed to pick at the first one they see til he punches them in the face so they can say, "See? Told ya!"

Don't give in!

And yea... The crazy ones are usually pretty good in bed--except my most recent one. Quite underwhelming... And that's coming from a man who hasn't gotten any 3 years prior to her. There's just something about women who try to lead with sex that almost immediately turn me off.

We had this little class I went to in college... It wasn't quite sociology.

Anyway, they split up the guys and girls and asked us questions individually and they asked the guys what they think when a woman wants to bone immediately and they asked girls why it is they do it so soon if they're the type to lead with sex. What the women said is that they feel like that's what guys want so in order to show you they like you, they give it to you. That sounds beautiful when it's put into perspective, but it doesn't quite come across like that standing in a man's shoes--at least not this man's shoes.

More often than not it seems like a means of emotional coercion--"You're just like all the other guys that ....ed me and left." 

The problem I see personally is that more often than not, those who lead with sex don't have much else to them and I end up bored out of my skull. I can .... ANYONE... Why should I keep someone around that bores me to tears? 

So perhaps it's not so much that they're crazy per se, but that they just have a lot of practice fishing with that bait and they seem crazy because we simply don't see eye to eye on certain fundamental points...


----------



## Bekanor

Metal_Webb said:


> She isn't lol. She even said she realised her last couple of boyfriends were douchebags, hence why they're ex's
> 
> That's the other thing, I had grabbed the bull by the horns this time however she appeared to be a lot more, hesitant, about things. :shrugs: oh well. It sucks but there's no point being hung up over it :/
> 
> 
> 
> For sure. I need to try to play/hang out with other musicians more. Being a bedroom warrior is fun and all but that will only get me so far



PM me your facebook, it'll be easier to organise it with you both there.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Metal_Webb said:


> I know it sounds typical, but I really don't know what to do different. I be kind, understanding, chilled out. I'm not going to start being an asshole, that's just not in my nature at all.









I think i go through phases of asshole like single i guess id be about 95 % asshole, dating roughly 40% because im happy and in a relationship a solid 50 50 the rest of the way.



Konfyouzd said:


> Don't give in!
> 
> So perhaps it's not so much that they're crazy per se, but that they just have a lot of practice fishing with that bait and they seem crazy because we simply don't see eye to eye on certain fundamental points...



yea were both mixed shes mexi talian though were both stereotypical at times. I think its why we get a long and cant stand each other sometimes lol *shrug*I know you dont mean literally crazy hah theres all kinds...She just hates peace. Shes not always raging or anything, but she has no hippie in her though, not even modern hippie. She's just all modern-futuristic and always has to out everything me, like theres always something to prove. If i give in, it's like when that kid from charlie brown would go to kick the football and the girl would pull it away everytime.. its kind of like that. So after like a year of those i havent played since. The only winning move,






> We had this little class I went to in college... It wasn't quite sociology.
> 
> Anyway, they split up the guys and girls and asked us questions individually and they asked the guys what they think when a woman wants to bone immediately and they asked girls why it is they do it so soon if they're the type to lead with sex. What the women said is that they feel like that's what guys want so in order to show you they like you, they give it to you. That sounds beautiful when it's put into perspective, but it doesn't quite come across like that standing in a man's shoes--at least not this man's shoes.


true story.





According to Twg the ''sex will make him like me'' thing is a no no. Theyre usually pretty solid on the fundamentals even though they do believe in a friendzone, basically theyre whole show is about getting guys out of it. Besides that idk it has to be a subjective thing. Look at how different the answers are. There's the waiting rules, position rules, distance rules, fwb or w/e else, but yea, only once or so do i remember a girl actually _trying_ to start a relationship out of sex, pretty much if theres sex first whoever wants the relationship the other doesnt so by now i know you need more than the physical connection before you can call it a relationship.


----------



## Murmel

Captain Shoggoth said:


> Feels weird at the moment, most of my friends are coupling off now and it feels like I'm one of the few who's not in a relationship (and one of VERY few who've never been in a relationship at all) at this point.
> 
> I'm not bitter, angry or particularly jealous because I'm not old enough for this to be (IMO) an issue of any level of seriousness, just sorta feels like time is moving without me.



.... them, man. More gains without a girlfriend


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

no train no gain

no woman no cry

no woman no train

no woman no gain

no woman no pain

/wrists


----------



## Idontpersonally




----------



## tm20

so today i go to the bookstore to look for Corey Taylor's new book (which isn't even out yet, but i didn't know ) and i spot a gorgeous blonde. i say hi to her but nothing comes to mind, so we stand there facing each other. i ask her what she's reading and we have a pretty crap 2 minute chat. she was really polite, didn't make a scene out of the whole thing. i ask her if she wants to hang out and she says no, claiming to have a bf so we say bye and i leave.






but anyway, if i can do it then so can everyone else here  btw...why are german girls so ....ing hot?


----------



## Mexi

So after 6+ years of dry spell, I finally got around to getting laid

My brother was celebrating his 30th with some friends of his at his friend's house. I never really hang with my brother's friends and this was the first time I'd met them, but his friend's girlfriend's friend, Allyson, apparently seemed to have an eye on me when I got there. We went to the bar for a while, had some drinks, came back and she was finding any reason to put her hand on me or ask me questions about relationships and emotional baggage (not very subtle) but I played it cool cause after talking about random shit she asks me, "Do you want to go to the other room and make out?"

so we get to the office and I sit down on this big office chair and she sit on my lap cowgirl style and we make out. within 10 minutes of that (and some other activities I won't bore you guys with the details of) we were having sex. Unfortunately for me, I had been doing a bit of coke that night and got a case of performance anxiety/coke dick and could not complete the task. So after a while, it ended awkardly and abruptly. Afterwards, she told me that she wasn't looking for a serious relationship but that she really liked me, and I told her that I was out of the game for years and wouldn't know where to start. She said she didn't care.

Needless to say, it was probably one of the biggest nights of my life in recent memory, the only downside is that, apparently, our mutual friend tried to set her up with my brother some time back but she was not in the least bit interested. My brother has also had a dry spell (as far as I know) so I think he's a little miffed that within hours of meeting a girl he knew, I was already having sex with her. On the other hand, I know he's happy for me because he knows how long its been for me. But I can feel the tension and I don't like it. Hell, even during the act she whispered "your brother must be so jealous right now", cause with her screams there was NO WAY in hell the whole house did not hear here (A rider worthy of classic westerns, mind you)

All in all, my happiness has been somewhat soured by how I know this affected my brother and I wish he could find the luck that I seem to have found. That said, I am not going to push this hard, she seems to be coming out of a string of bad relationships, liars and complete assholes and I'm probably the complete opposite of that (and Carolyn, our mutual friend, told me that as well, which is why she suggested I get her phone number)

I got more than a number, though I may have sent her a text a 5 am about how I was sorry for freaking her about my insecurities but that I hope we can get together soon. The ball is in her court, and I hope she wants to play.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Stop mentioning insecurities to her, stop apologizing, don't snort next time and get ridin', cowboy!


----------



## tm20

i just had an extremely long discussion with a friend about the friendzone. he says the friendzone is when you get the "let's be friends" message and after that you proceed to not contact each other. i said the friendzone is when you get that message, BUT you do continue to stay in contact because you see value in that person, and by doing so there's a chance to get out of it. i told him, by his definition the other person isn't even a friend because if you don't even bother contacting them then you see no value, and if you see no value in them then why would you call that person a friend? i know a number of you say the friendzone doesn't exist (as i read a few pages back), my friend says it does and you can't do anything about it, while i say it does exist BUT it's up to you whether you stay in it or not. any thoughts?


----------



## Idontpersonally

tm20 said:


> i just had an extremely long discussion with a friend about the friendzone. he says the friendzone is when you get the "let's be friends" message and after that you proceed to not contact each other. i said the friendzone is when you get that message, BUT you do continue to stay in contact because you see value in that person, and by doing so there's a chance to get out of it. i told him, by his definition the other person isn't even a friend because if you don't even bother contacting them then you see no value, and if you see no value in them then why would you call that person a friend? i know a number of you say the friendzone doesn't exist (as i read a few pages back), my friend says it does and you can't do anything about it, while i say it does exist BUT it's up to you whether you stay in it or not. any thoughts?





W/E they say i usually agree with. but yea i have to agree its only friend zone if you do things with/for them you dont really enjoy in hopes that theyll lik you .


----------



## flint757

tm20 said:


> i just had an extremely long discussion with a friend about the friendzone. he says the friendzone is when you get the "let's be friends" message and after that you proceed to not contact each other. i said the friendzone is when you get that message, BUT you do continue to stay in contact because you see value in that person, and by doing so there's a chance to get out of it. i told him, by his definition the other person isn't even a friend because if you don't even bother contacting them then you see no value, and if you see no value in them then why would you call that person a friend? i know a number of you say the friendzone doesn't exist (as i read a few pages back), my friend says it does and you can't do anything about it, while i say it does exist BUT it's up to you whether you stay in it or not. any thoughts?



Obviously being someones friend can happen, but being put in the friendzone doesn't. It's more the perception of how people express the friendzone than the friendzone itself that is off. People look at it as some sort of punishment and _'how could this chick do this to me, she is dumb. That other guy is such a loser. Blah, blah, blah'_ kind of thing and that is where people are usually wrong. There is only 3 possibilities: she dates you, she doesn't dates you and you stay friends or she doesn't date you and you lose contact. Simple as that. 

Actually, now that I think about it, most people who say they got put in the friendzone are wholly mistaken to begin with. They were there the whole time since they probably started as friends to begin with. Just because she didn't want to take the next step doesn't mean she put you in the zone. I guess it is the idea that women _'should'_ date X person that I find most ridiculous. I don't think a lot of guys would reciprocate if the shoe were on the other foot and the guy wasn't interested.


----------



## Idontpersonally

flint757 said:


> Obviously being someones friend can happen, but being put in the friendzone doesn't. It's more the perception of how people express the friendzone than the friendzone itself that is off. People look at it as some sort of punishment and _'how could this chick do this to me, she is dumb. That other guy is such a loser. Blah, blah, blah'_ kind of thing and that is where people are usually wrong. There is only 3 possibilities: she dates you, she doesn't dates you and you stay friends or she doesn't date you and you lose contact. Simple as that.
> 
> Actually, now that I think about it, most people who say they got put in the friendzone are wholly mistaken to begin with. They were there the whole time since they probably started as friends to begin with. Just because she didn't want to take the next step doesn't mean she put you in the zone. I guess it is the idea that women _'should'_ date X person that I find most ridiculous. I don't think a lot of guys would reciprocate if the shoe were on the other foot and the guy wasn't interested.


This +a million^


----------



## Fiction

Why does Morpheus know so much on the topic of friend zones?


----------



## Idontpersonally

Fiction said:


> Why does Morpheus know so much on the topic of friend zones?


----------



## BabUShka

I've been in a relationship with this girl for 4 months now. Shes really beautiful and when we get to spend some time together, she makes me happy and we always laugh and have fun. But since we became together, we've had so little time together because of my studies, and her studies and we live in different cities. 1-2 hours away from each other.. For me, its not a problem. I am always willing to take the buss and make time for her. But she always have excuses.. She's tired, working, school, driving lessons, family time(a lot of family time, and she lives with her parents), time for friends and stuff.. But there's never time to spend with me. Im getting tired of it now. 
I have 2 weeks vacation now, and then i start working full time. But she's going to a family trip one of those weeks. And she also start working full time in a couple of months, in the other city. 

Should I just realise that this relationship is doomed to end anyways and break up, or should I wait and see how things works out eventually..? 

I really like her, and the time we spend together is really great. But its just so frustraiting having a distance relationship like this and especially when she never make time for me.

I'd like to hear what you guys have to say about it..


----------



## Idontpersonally

BabUShka said:


> I've been in a relationship with this girl for 4 months now. Shes really beautiful and when we get to spend some time together, she makes me happy and we always laugh and have fun. But since we became together, we've had so little time together because of my studies, and her studies and we live in different cities. 1-2 hours away from each other.. For me, its not a problem. I am always willing to take the buss and make time for her. But she always have excuses.. She's tired, working, school, driving lessons, family time(a lot of family time, and she lives with her parents), time for friends and stuff.. But there's never time to spend with me. Im getting tired of it now.
> I have 2 weeks vacation now, and then i start working full time. But she's going to a family trip one of those weeks. And she also start working full time in a couple of months, in the other city.
> 
> Should I just realise that this relationship is doomed to end anyways and break up, or should I wait and see how things works out eventually..?
> 
> I really like her, and the time we spend together is really great. But its just so frustraiting having a distance relationship like this and especially when she never make time for me.
> 
> I'd like to hear what you guys have to say about it..


I say replace the "he's" with "she's"


















Ps F this shit....... F dating, F real life...i <3Tumblr girls. That is all.


----------



## BabUShka

Idontpersonally said:


> I say replace the "he's" with "she's"



oh ...., at first i thought you wanned me do date boys instead of girls..


----------



## Idontpersonally

BabUShka said:


> oh ...., at first i thought you wanned me do date boys instead of girls..


ha, no i meant follow the chart unless....




Actually , there was a thread about a similar situation sort of, the girl wanted a break, but that usually comes after all the excuses why they cant spend time with you, distance was an issue with the other guy too.. not saying this is exactly your case, its been that way in most of mine... so why invest so much in someone that you know is making excuses to not see you. Never wait around for a girl, at for months i'd just take it for what it is. Sounds like a make or break point...if shes wearing you out at this point.. and if you tell her this and you get no response then comon broseph...talk to her and get back to us...

btw where is everyones backup plan? i mean if your gunna date, be the best damn dater ever...


----------



## PyramidSmasher

I have a weird situation. I am 20 and I hooked up with an 18 year old who really thought there was going to be more going on (I was drunk at the time) but I was just too sketched out by being 2 years older than her. Then recently I started hanging with a cool girl whos 17 (18 soon, so its really like a 2.5 year difference) and I actually kind of like her and don't feel weird about the age gap, though it's probably worse. What do you guys think, would I be robbing the cradle/being a weird pedo??? it's a 3 grade difference though it's only 2 years.


----------



## flint757

I don't think that age difference is weird personally, but I'd check the law first. Mom could charge you with statutory rape if she felt like being a bitch. 17 is pretty much an adult in my mind otherwise.


----------



## texshred777

http://www.oaesv.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/Ohio-Age-of-Consent-Fact-Sheet.pdf

If I'm reading what you and this are saying correctly, from a legal stand point you should be ok. 

As to whether it's right or not, I couldn't say. I personally think that those 2.5-3 years during that stage of your life CAN make a big difference(more so than a 30 and 40 year old). It really just depends on the individuals involved.


----------



## Idontpersonally

are you sexually attracted to prepubescent children? then hell no your not a pedo dude google that shit. Ever since dateline, the term gets thrown around way too much. 16 is the age of consent in most states, but 17 going on 18 is fine imo. At 18 i was dating much older, but i also have a late birthday so when i was a senior i still dated freshman occasionally and took one to prom. The two best women in my life that are still here anyway are both 10 years older than me. Personally i prefera big age gap, so 2 isnt a big deal. Edit just saw you were from cleveland, i got a feeling the girl looks older no? I know there's a double standard with age and gender, but boy do i have some memories of partying in cleveland 16-18.. takes me back to when i just a widdle cub.. jk, but yea when i was a freshman i also dated seniors and much older than that, but tex an flint pretty much nailed it imo
semi irrelevant but


----------



## BabUShka

PyramidSmasher said:


> I have a weird situation. I am 20 and I hooked up with an 18 year old who really thought there was going to be more going on (I was drunk at the time) but I was just too sketched out by being 2 years older than her. Then recently I started hanging with a cool girl whos 17 (18 soon, so its really like a 2.5 year difference) and I actually kind of like her and don't feel weird about the age gap, though it's probably worse. What do you guys think, would I be robbing the cradle/being a weird pedo??? it's a 3 grade difference though it's only 2 years.



2-3 years is really nothing. dont think its a big gap. She might be a bit unexperienced because many teens experiene new stuff after turning 18.. But if you think that she's a nice girl, I dont see the age as a problem.. 

I had a long talk with my girlfriend today, and we talked about breaking up and stuff like that.. But we descided to give it a try. We are both done with our studies, so from now on we have the weekends and evenings completely off to do whatever we want. So we'll try to figure it out from there. I'm just going to be patient and give her some room to get her stuff done.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

PyramidSmasher said:


> I have a weird situation. I am 20 and I hooked up with an 18 year old who really thought there was going to be more going on (I was drunk at the time) but I was just too sketched out by being 2 years older than her. Then recently I started hanging with a cool girl whos 17 (18 soon, so its really like a 2.5 year difference) and I actually kind of like her and don't feel weird about the age gap, though it's probably worse. What do you guys think, would I be robbing the cradle/being a weird pedo??? it's a 3 grade difference though it's only 2 years.



I don't think it a massive gap either, but I agree with others in that people can change a lot during those years and she might not be the same person after a little while, not saying that always happens though and if it was me i'd probably go for it..


----------



## Church2224

To all the guys who talk about the "Friendzone" and why you fall into the friend-zone-



Pretty much this explains why the Friendzone exists. I learned this all the hard way, do not fall into that.

Also check out his website, he has some great stuff, kind of like David D, but for some reason I like him more. I think it is the way he talks....idk why. 

The Tao of Badass


----------



## Ibanezsam4

^^ after watching that i just realized i got out of the friendzone once by using haptics (touching). we were at a movie and had been hanging out all summer with no progress on my part (she even talked about hooking up with another guy and it not working out), and i had essentially turned into a shoulder to cry on. so we're at this movie because im going into surgery the next day and i figure ".... it" just make a move already.... as to not be too obvious but while remaining super seductive about it i just started lightly touching her shoulder with one finger with an up-and-down stroking motion. worked like a charm, completely changed our relationship. after doing that for a minute or so (because we were both pretending like it wasn't a big deal) i stopped, and she sat up and changed the way she was sitting so she could lean closer to me to resume the physical attention.

this shit works people!


----------



## Konfyouzd

The friend zone exists bc sometimes just because you think you're compatible doesn't mean she does. Things don't always work out the way you plan in life and someone overly sensitive named it the friend zone bc girls use phrases like "I think we should be friends" to let you know they'd rather be with someone else romantically...


----------



## Idontpersonally

Ibanezsam4 said:


> ^^ after watching that i just realized i got out of the friendzone once by using haptics (touching). we were at a movie and had been hanging out all summer with no progress on my part (she even talked about hooking up with another guy and it not working out), and i had essentially turned into a shoulder to cry on. so we're at this movie because im going into surgery the next day and i figure ".... it" just make a move already.... as to not be too obvious but while remaining super seductive about it i just started lightly touching her shoulder with one finger with an up-and-down stroking motion. worked like a charm, completely changed our relationship. after doing that for a minute or so (because we were both pretending like it wasn't a big deal) i stopped, and she sat up and changed the way she was sitting so she could lean closer to me to resume the physical attention.
> 
> this shit works people!



yea im always an advocate of that kind of thing ,maybe its a scorpio thing but im touchy feely as ...., if shes not interested you know within the first few seconds instead of weeks. I had no balls all through HS, couldnt read signals for shit, I feel like it makes up for lost time..so yea that solves that problem.


----------



## Church2224

Konfyouzd said:


> The friend zone exists bc sometimes just because you think you're compatible doesn't mean she does. Things don't always work out the way you plan in life and someone overly sensitive named it the friend zone bc girls use phrases like "I think we should be friends" to let you know they'd rather be with someone else romantically...



This is true as well. I know now why it never worked out between some girls in the past. Sometimes you need to realize that your personality types would just constantly crash in a relationship. For instance, you could be attracted to a girl with a very strong personality, but if you are very headstrong and have a very strong personality type, you two might be clashing constantly. Also some times the two of you are at different points in your lives, such as different maturity levels and different goals and ambitions. I recently had to come to terms with the fact that my goals, desires, interests and ambitions are much different than what a lot of girls, and people my age in general, have, nothing wrong with it, just different. 

I have been advised to date older women


----------



## Konfyouzd

Church2224 said:


> I recently had to come to terms with the fact that my goals, desires, interests and ambitions are much different than what a lot of girls, and people my age in general, have, nothing wrong with it, just different.
> 
> I have been advised to date older women



Me in a nutshell. I have been told to date both older and younger women for different reasons. I don't think anyone but *you* knows what you should do. We all figure it out eventually.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Idontpersonally said:


> yea im always an advocate of that kind of thing ,maybe its a scorpio thing but im touchy feely as ...., if shes not interested you know within the first few seconds instead of weeks. I had no balls all through HS, couldnt read signals for shit, I feel like it makes up for lost time..so yea that solves that problem.




yeah man im not really a physical person until i get to know somebody.. idk, maybe i feel its a vulnerability and/or trust thing.. but the more i study how humans communicate and how dependent we are on touching it makes sense now that i am cutting off a huge percentage of how i communicate to other individuals. if you wish to get physical with a woman, why not communicate physically? it seems really obvious now


----------



## Idontpersonally

Ibanezsam4 said:


> yeah man im not really a physical person until i get to know somebody.. idk, maybe i feel its a vulnerability and/or trust thing.. but the more i study how humans communicate and how dependent we are on touching it makes sense now that i am cutting off a huge percentage of how i communicate to other individuals. if you wish to get physical with a woman, why not communicate physically? it seems really obvious now



I was like that my whole life basically. I thought thats how everyone was. Thats why all the advice for how to get a gf/ read signals etc is blowing my mind. I have no problem with that as ive learned the very long and painful hard way that the guy has to make the first move. Some girls hint if theyre cool but will only go so far until you swing and head for first.


I dont do anything submissive anymore like i used to just bury my face in some boobs or lap or w/e but that makes me sleepy and thats for later anyway. What you did was great. True story i licked this girls neck all lightly thinking i was being super seductive and hella romantic and she made fun of me later sayin she could barely feel anything haha[i felt emo as ....] she must be used to guys slobberin' over her. I hate that shit... 

Ive had girls ask me not to give them hickes all the time and its like, i dont even understand that shit. Nother true story, this girl i worked with came to work with the biggest hickie id ever seen in my life. They said it was big or w/e before she came in so im like ok big hickie.... This ....in shit her whole right side of her neck was black and blue i shit you not.. it looked like a ....in bomb exploded on her neck

who in the ........just why.

but yea anyway she acted like it was nothing. Idk why some girls like it and dont or why guys do shit like that


----------



## Mexi

So the girl I hooked up with on Friday made it abundantly clear that she really wants nothing more than a hookup and that she felt she sent mixed messages to me: "So I'm sorry, and I wish you the best."

Ouch.

That said, this girl showed me that I still have SOME game, that all my lack of self-confidence is all in my head and that I can work my charm if I just stop mind ....ing myself and just go for it. I haven't taken a chance on a girl in YEARS because I always felt that I didn't have it in me and the first time I do, I get laid within hours of meeting her. Even though I'll probably never see this girl again, she rejuvenated my gusto to get back out there and meet more women. 

It is bittersweet but because it was my first hookup, ever, I still have much to learn it seems.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Mexi said:


> So the girl I hooked up with on Friday made it abundantly clear that she really wants nothing more than a hookup and that she felt she sent mixed messages to me: "So I'm sorry, and I wish you the best."
> 
> Ouch.
> 
> That said, this girl showed me that I still have SOME game, that all my lack of self-confidence is all in my head and that I can work my charm if I just stop mind ....ing myself and just go for it. I haven't taken a chance on a girl in YEARS because I always felt that I didn't have it in me and the first time I do, I get laid within hours of meeting her. Even though I'll probably never see this girl again, she rejuvenated my gusto to get back out there and meet more women.
> 
> It is bittersweet but because it was my first hookup, ever, I still have much to learn it seems.


 Keep it short and sweet, the whole point is that you wont see them again.



I will say theyre on point about future plans also, everytime ive said that, i didnt really mean it, not that i say it everytime, but when i do, they look at me kinda like they should be making the plans and i should just stfu, one girl actually got kind of pist, must be some weird logic behind it.. who knows...2 cents anyway


----------



## vilk

Ah... are you sure you ....ed her hard enough, dude? Usually even if it's a hook up, if you can really make a girl cum hardcore she will want to see you again. Even if just to hook up again. A full on 'it was fun but I don't want to see you anymore' could possibly mean you didn't live up to her expectations in the sack.

I'm not trying to make fun of you, I just know that I have had the experience of a girl telling me 'oh it was just a hook up' and then later telling her friends that I did this or that wrong in bed. I was just thinking gimme a break I was super double wasted and you weren't so special neither. 

Also I have had the reverse situation where I totally screwed a girls brains out on a one night stand and she ended up telling her friends that she liked it so much that she would dump her boyfriend if I asked her to.

...but I guess it could be a number of things really. Best not to worry about it. The moral of my story is: if you really like a girl as more than just a hook up, make sure you .... her like the world's ending tomorrow, and even if you're total strangers she could fall in love by the end of her 3rd climax. and if you don't give her the megasex due to intoxication or whathaveyou then don't be surprised when she's not into you the next day.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

so the girl i was seeing has gone overseas for 6 months. I met her through working at a cafe and instantly had a crush, but waited until we stopped working together to make a move. we were seeing each other for about 3-4 months and never had a single fight. i think i'm going to wait for her. This girl is amazing. just thought i'd share


----------



## vilk

Thrashmanzac said:


> so the girl i was seeing has gone overseas for 6 months. I met her through working at a cafe and instantly had a crush, but waited until we stopped working together to make a move. we were seeing each other for about 3-4 months and never had a single fight. i think i'm going to wait for her. This girl is amazing. just thought i'd share



I'm glad you've found a good girl. But take it from someone who has done several long distance relationships--it's almost not worth it. I don't know how old you guys are, but if you're any amount young I think it's a safe bet that she will cheat, or that you will. Having said that, as long as you guys just leave it at that and don't talk about it to each other, I think it's ok. I have before actually wanted the girl who was far away to go have sex with someone, because I feel bad that I can't be there for her and fulfill her desires, and also because I wanted to have sex with other people, too. We talked about it and agreed that it would be ok if we did this, and we did, and everything worked out in the end. The important part is just not to talk about it. For 6 months, don't ask don't tell, and then when she gets back everything should go back to normal.

I think it's selfish for someone to ask the person he likes to not indulge in sex for such a prolonged period of time. A relationship is supposed to be about feelings and love and caring-- but let's face it sex is kind of unrelated to these things. Also, in some ways it's a good test of how much you really love each other. If you can let her fulfill her sexual needs with someone who isn't you and still love her afterwards, it means you really have something. If you really care about her you shouldn't want her to feel the way that she eventually will after not getting ....ed for such a long time. Sex is instinctual and psychological and not doing it will cause stress that though she may not recognize as being your fault she will subconsciously understand that you are a causation for some burden of stress that she feels. 

Just let me emphasize that I don't think it's smart to go celibate for 6 months for someone who you've only dated for 3. Waiting can be a more serious commitment than you think it is. You might not think so now, but I guarantee you'll feel otherwise once you get into the meat of it. Also, if you've never had a fight so far, you will once you're separated. A girl who I got along with perfectly when we were together fought with me constantly when we were apart... and no doubt is because it's stressful to be apart from the person you love. It's really actually a pretty traumatic thing to do to yourself.

Let me also say that if you are a total gargoyle and there's no chance of you getting laid except by this girl, then maybe it could be worthwhile to wait it out. But you should know that what you're asking each other to do is something very heavy, something that normally someone shouldn't ask someone to do if they have only been together as long as you two have.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

^I'm 23, she is 25.
I said I think _I'm_ going to wait, not that I am asking her too. I'm at a point in my life where having a lot of sex is not my biggest concern. I'm not sure how old you are, but some of your posts in this thread make you sound less than an expert on love and relationships.


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## vilk

Thrashmanzac said:


> ^I'm 23, she is 25.
> I said I think _I'm_ going to wait, not that I am asking her too. I'm at a point in my life where having a lot of sex is not my biggest concern. I'm not sure how old you are, but some of your posts in this thread make you sound less than an expert on love and relationships.



I'm also 23 lol. And I've been in a few relationships (I'm in one now for like 2 years) but recently I feel pretty cynical about conventional relationships in general. I really can see why you'd think that about me, but at least know that there are reasons why I've come to where I am... and also know that some of these things I write should be taken with a grain of salt. I actually have a lot of serious concerns about the one I'm in and one of these days I'm gonna drop a big deuce of a post about it... but when I think to I just can't bring myself to type it all out because it will make me think too much about my own situation and have all these gross emotions come back up in me.

as long as you're not asking her to I guess it's not as big of a deal, I just assumed because that's usually how things work... and also if you've been single for a while and just finally dating someone you like I can understand that you're not concerned with getting a whole lotta sex. I just feel so opposite lately it's hard for me to imagine thinking that but I know I've felt that way before, too.

are you planning on calling her a lot?


----------



## sniperfreak223

baron samedi said:


> Ah... are you sure you ....ed her hard enough, dude? Usually even if it's a hook up, if you can really make a girl cum hardcore she will want to see you again. Even if just to hook up again. A full on 'it was fun but I don't want to see you anymore' could possibly mean you didn't live up to her expectations in the sack.
> 
> I'm not trying to make fun of you, I just know that I have had the experience of a girl telling me 'oh it was just a hook up' and then later telling her friends that I did this or that wrong in bed. I was just thinking gimme a break I was super double wasted and you weren't so special neither.
> 
> Also I have had the reverse situation where I totally screwed a girls brains out on a one night stand and she ended up telling her friends that she liked it so much that she would dump her boyfriend if I asked her to.
> 
> ...but I guess it could be a number of things really. Best not to worry about it. The moral of my story is: if you really like a girl as more than just a hook up, make sure you .... her like the world's ending tomorrow, and even if you're total strangers she could fall in love by the end of her 3rd climax. and if you don't give her the megasex due to intoxication or whathaveyou then don't be surprised when she's not into you the next day.




Sometimes it's just the opposite...not too many women will want to hook up again if you go too hard, too deep, or god forbid, brick-wall them. I know from personal experience, I've been dumped for being too rough in the sack.


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## Mexi

baron samedi said:


> Ah... are you sure you ....ed her hard enough, dude? Usually even if it's a hook up, if you can really make a girl cum hardcore she will want to see you again. Even if just to hook up again. A full on 'it was fun but I don't want to see you anymore' could possibly mean you didn't live up to her expectations in the sack.
> 
> I'm not trying to make fun of you, I just know that I have had the experience of a girl telling me 'oh it was just a hook up' and then later telling her friends that I did this or that wrong in bed. I was just thinking gimme a break I was super double wasted and you weren't so special neither.
> 
> ...but I guess it could be a number of things really. Best not to worry about it. The moral of my story is: if you really like a girl as more than just a hook up, make sure you .... her like the world's ending tomorrow, and even if you're total strangers she could fall in love by the end of her 3rd climax. and if you don't give her the megasex due to intoxication or whathaveyou then don't be surprised when she's not into you the next day.



yeah see I was drunk and coked out. so whiskey/coke dick got the best of me and it was terrible, so that is probably a factor, not gonna lie. If I'd known that I would have ended a years-long dry spell that evening, I probably wouldn't have consumed anything so that I'd be ready to go. If theres any reason not to do blow anymore, it's this. She seemed more concerned with me getting overly attached/clingy because it was my first time in ages. Anyways, She said she'd be open to something once things aren't "weird" a little down the road. I'm not counting on it but I'll give her a call once things settle down to see if she's up for it. If she is, cool. If not, it was fun either way.

Now that I feel that I'm back in the game, I'm going to be measuring my actions, my words and my charm accordingly. There's a fine line in confidence between "I'm not gonna bother because she'll just reject me" and "I'm probably not gonna see her again, so why the .... not?"

On a side note, she said I did some incredible tongue work, so even if the sex was awful, I think I proved some kind of worth with a skill that few men seem to actively develop . In the end, I feel better about myself than I have in years so I'm just gonna ride this momentum.



sniperfreak223 said:


> Sometimes it's just the opposite...not too many women will want to hook up again if you go too hard, too deep, or god forbid, brick-wall them. I know from personal experience, I've been dumped for being too rough in the sack.



Interesting point, though on her end. In fact, this girl was a very fierce rider. combined with whiskey dick, you have a woman that is going to have more trouble holding (gripping) onto anything if things aren't going the way they should on my end. Think of a wasted girl riding a mechanical bull, it's more for the show than for the mechanics. So I think her exuberance probably exasperated my problem (and sorta made it hurt) Also, this girl wanted me to be A LOT more aggressive than I had previously been with any other women as well. So this was double learning experience in how to deal with freaky girls: don't comment on how hot they look etc, just .... them from behind (as she so eloquently put it)

ah, romance, it's good to know her again.


----------



## sniperfreak223

oh God do I miss the "shut up and .... me" types.


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## ittoa666

Forget the friendzone....I'm in the fight zone with a girls boyfriend right now, and I couldn't be less intimidated.


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## sniperfreak223

I just got pulled into a "love triangle", apparently my brother's roommate has a crush on me, but he thought they were an item and wants to kill me for "stealing his girl", even though she has said on many occasions that she didn't have feelings for him. I've been getting angry calls and emails from him all day, because he found a few emails between me and her, as I was helping her with some songs she was working on, that he thought look a little too flirty...god, we live seven states apart!!! How can I be that much of a threat!?!? But then again, she is quite a hottie...for a country chick, and if she gives me the chance, hell yeah I'll jump on that!!!


----------



## VBCheeseGrater

^^^ thats kinda a tough situation. On one hand thats your bro and girls come and go. On the other hand its your life and they are not even hooked up. Reading through this thread makes me both glad to be settled down but also miss those nights of an awesome score....feeling like the happiest person on the planet. The first couple weeks of an epic hookup are amazing. The girl im engaged to now was like that. Funnily, my first wife wasnt like that for me. We were more just booty callin for year before we got serious


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Mexi said:


> Also, this girl wanted me to be A LOT more aggressive than I had previously been with any other women as well. So this was double learning experience in how to deal with freaky girls: don't comment on how hot they look etc, just .... them from behind (as she so eloquently put it)
> 
> ah, romance, it's good to know her again.



had a similar experience with the chick i mentioned above, we had a one night stand and she wanted to get ....ing rocked... and i had never done that before because my previous girl was also as fairly new to sex as i was. so all the aggression combined with her being a riding champion, makes things... difficult? also powering through to the next boner is not pleasant.


----------



## Mexi

sniperfreak223 said:


> I just got pulled into a "love triangle", apparently my brother's roommate has a crush on me, but he thought they were an item and wants to kill me for "stealing his girl", even though she has said on many occasions that she didn't have feelings for him.



ugh

the girl I ....ed told me that a mutual friend tried to set my brother and her up some time ago but she had zero interest whatsoever. she made that last part explicitly clear.

she was quite loud (walls were paper thin, apparently) and I'm pretty sure everyone heard a good part of everything, including my brother. my bro didn't say a word to me for two days after that. while he seems to be acting normally now, I'm pretty sure all this has created a layer of tension. *sigh*


----------



## Fiction

Mexi said:


> ugh
> 
> the girl I ....ed told me that a mutual friend tried to set my brother and her up some time ago but she had zero interest whatsoever. she made that last part explicitly clear.
> 
> she was quite loud (walls were paper thin, apparently) and I'm pretty sure everyone heard a good part of everything, including my brother. my bro didn't say a word to me for two days after that. while he seems to be acting normally now, I'm pretty sure all this has created a layer of tension. *sigh*



My housemates and myself are constantly running into this problem, 3 males in their prime who all hang with the same people tends to get us in competitions ALL the freaking time


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## flint757

My bud was a lot more devious than that. I had a thing for his girl who he intended on dumping for another chick (who was a badass guitarist, lucky bastard) and he had convinced me at the time that she was excessively clingy. That within a couple weeks of dating she was talking about kids and marriage and other bizarre shit. Me knowing him better now and the situation overall I'm pretty sure he was trying to keep me from rockin her world and was totally bullshitting me ( he is a habitual liar). He told me prior to them breaking up that she probably wouldn't go for me which is not true. Thinking back now he was kind of an asshole.


----------



## Church2224

flint757 said:


> My bud was a lot more devious than that. I had a thing for his girl who he intended on dumping for another chick (who was a badass guitarist, lucky bastard) and he had convinced me at the time that she was excessively clingy. That within a couple weeks of dating she was talking about kids and marriage and other bizarre shit. Me knowing him better now and the situation overall I'm pretty sure he was trying to keep me from rockin her world and was totally bullshitting me ( he is a habitual liar). He told me prior to them breaking up that she probably wouldn't go for me which is not true. Thinking back now he was kind of an asshole.



Oh I have known guys like that...

Stay away from guys like that, they are assholes.


----------



## SenorDingDong

Man, I never thought I'd be posting in this forum, but I need to get something off my chest if only to reduce my anxiety/worry. So, here goes.

I met a girl a little over a week ago, through a mutual friend. The way we met: my friend basically said to me, "I think you and this girl I went to high school with need to talk." 
I'm notoriously picky with women. Not about looks, but about personality. I haven't dated in a couple years because of the fact. It's hard for me to date a girl just because I find her attractive; we need to share some interests, and have some sort of chemistry. Also, talking needs to feel entirely natural and free. 
So we've been talking a lot, and have more in common than almost anyone I've met in the past: same favourite movies, comics, music, games. 
Last night she wanted to Skype. I've never done video chat in my life, so I was really nervous, especially because my webcam has godawful lighting and makes me look worse than usual. But I did it. And it went very well. We talked for a few hours and it seemed like only minutes. It was just really, really natural. She even laughed at some of the worst trying-to-be-funny things I've ever said in my life.
She's made it very clear that she's interested, and that she really wants to get together soon. 
But...
She's absolutely beautiful. Probably the most beautiful woman I've seen in a very, very long time. She wasn't overly made up, or show-offy about it. Any girl can take pictures and make themselves look great, but with a shitty webcam hitting any and every angle of your face each time you movie, and filling everything with terrible lighting, it's impossible to keep up the pretence. She is just very beautiful.
And that's what kind of has my anxiety up. She called me gorgeous a few times while we were talking on the webcam, even with the terrible lighting and me looking like a bafoon, and I was just all awkward not knowing what to say, just going, "Um. THANK YOU," with pitiful volume control on my voice 
I don't really have a good self-image, for various reasons. So I can't stop thinking that I'm not good enough, and that she's too good, and we'll get together and she'll just hate my face. Like, I dunno. It sounds stupid typing it out, but that's my problem. I have a really intense fear of rejection. I know it sounds like I'm just whining about someone handing me a bag full of gold. 

Anyway sorry for the Love Connection block of text, but I need some advice on how to just get over my fear. Like, how do some of you guys deal with that fear if you have it? Any advice?


----------



## Curt

To get back with an ex? or no?

Was with her for 7 months when she cheated on me, so I am NOT asking this from a "good idea to trust her or not?" standpoint, but more of a "what would you do?" one.

She has been coming over a lot lately, and we have hooked up the last couple nights. She has wanted a second chance since she made her mistake, and I am thinking about granting her that, just for the sake of more sex, and call it quits when I get sick of her.

Yay? Nay? or Rot in hell?


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## Idontpersonally

Curt said:


> To get back with an ex? or no?
> 
> Was with her for 7 months when she cheated on me, so I am NOT asking this from a "good idea to trust her or not?" standpoint, but more of a "what would you do?" one.
> 
> She has been coming over a lot lately, and we have hooked up the last couple nights. She has wanted a second chance since she made her mistake, and I am thinking about granting her that, just for the sake of more sex, and call it quits when I get sick of her.
> 
> Yay? Nay? or Rot in hell?


hell nay. Id go with that second option personally, wouldnt take it too serious. That shit never usually happens just one time. she a fire or water sign? like aries or cancer??? Hell my libra did that shit[air] and they dont even typically get that rep.. I let fire signs do w/e the .... they want to do. can you post both your guys natal charts?http://alabe.com/freechart/


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## BlackMastodon

SenorDingDong said:


> Man, I never thought I'd be posting in this forum, but I need to get something off my chest if only to reduce my anxiety/worry. So, here goes.
> 
> I met a girl a little over a week ago, through a mutual friend. The way we met: my friend basically said to me, "I think you and this girl I went to high school with need to talk."
> I'm notoriously picky with women. Not about looks, but about personality. I haven't dated in a couple years because of the fact. It's hard for me to date a girl just because I find her attractive; we need to share some interests, and have some sort of chemistry. Also, talking needs to feel entirely natural and free.
> So we've been talking a lot, and have more in common than almost anyone I've met in the past: same favourite movies, comics, music, games.
> Last night she wanted to Skype. I've never done video chat in my life, so I was really nervous, especially because my webcam has godawful lighting and makes me look worse than usual. But I did it. And it went very well. We talked for a few hours and it seemed like only minutes. It was just really, really natural. She even laughed at some of the worst trying-to-be-funny things I've ever said in my life.
> She's made it very clear that she's interested, and that she really wants to get together soon.
> But...
> She's absolutely beautiful. Probably the most beautiful woman I've seen in a very, very long time. She wasn't overly made up, or show-offy about it. Any girl can take pictures and make themselves look great, but with a shitty webcam hitting any and every angle of your face each time you movie, and filling everything with terrible lighting, it's impossible to keep up the pretence. She is just very beautiful.
> And that's what kind of has my anxiety up. She called me gorgeous a few times while we were talking on the webcam, even with the terrible lighting and me looking like a bafoon, and I was just all awkward not knowing what to say, just going, "Um. THANK YOU," with pitiful volume control on my voice
> I don't really have a good self-image, for various reasons. So I can't stop thinking that I'm not good enough, and that she's too good, and we'll get together and she'll just hate my face. Like, I dunno. It sounds stupid typing it out, but that's my problem. I have a really intense fear of rejection. I know it sounds like I'm just whining about someone handing me a bag full of gold.
> 
> Anyway sorry for the Love Connection block of text, but I need some advice on how to just get over my fear. Like, how do some of you guys deal with that fear if you have it? Any advice?



Dude, nothing to be self conscious about. She is clearly interested and thinks you're attractive. She's incredibly attractive and has a great personality for you? Yeah that's a lot of pressure but you would kick yourself in the ass for a long time if you didn't at least try. 

@ Curt: If you get back together with her, don't get attached or surprised if she cheats on you again. I say keep it casual and just keep having sex.


----------



## Mexi

SenorDingDong said:


> And that's what kind of has my anxiety up. She called me gorgeous a few times while we were talking on the webcam, even with the terrible lighting and me looking like a bafoon, and I was just all awkward not knowing what to say, just going, "Um. THANK YOU," with pitiful volume control on my voice
> I don't really have a good self-image, for various reasons. So I can't stop thinking that I'm not good enough, and that she's too good, and we'll get together and she'll just hate my face. Like, I dunno. It sounds stupid typing it out, but that's my problem. I have a really intense fear of rejection. I know it sounds like I'm just whining about someone handing me a bag full of gold.
> 
> Anyway sorry for the Love Connection block of text, but I need some advice on how to just get over my fear. Like, how do some of you guys deal with that fear if you have it? Any advice?



Dude I was in that boat not more than a 5 days ago. I had convinced myself I had no game, that I was physically unattractive to virtually all women. you don't go years being single and have every attempt you make get shot down by girls that "aren't interested" without ending up horribly cynical about self-confidence or attractiveness. My fear of rejection has probably held me back in so many ways, I can't really grasp it at this point.

This girl was genuinely SHOCKED that I had been single for this long and would make any excuse to touch me and engage physically. She was also surprised that I didn't have very good self-image (fyi, this does not turn girls on) but she was just like, "wow why not? you're a great looking guy" 

For someone that was convinced of their own inferiority, I was pretty blown away by how quick this girl was to make me feel good about myself. In my view, just knowing that of all potential suitors that avail themselves to women, these girls pick ME (or you) for a reason. That alone should be enough to remind us we have more game than we think, that we have more to offer than we convince ourselves of. Also, it is a stark reminder of how much of what we experience (emotional pain or otherwise) is relative to how we interpret events and how we choose to react to them.

We give up control when we allow other people's (perceived) ideas of us to change the way we feel about ourselves. we let their comments, their refusals and their denials get to our heads and it is a endless cycle of mind....ing and cynicism. By convincing yourself that going out on a limb to meet a girl will NOT be the end of the world, will not end in some sort of horrible humiliation, you're better adept at actually dealing with rejection in the future. 

A big problem in our culture is that we aren't encouraged to failure or deal with rejection very well. They are seen as things to avoid or markers of incompetence or personal failure. This is certainly true of the dating world, it seems, and it is so easy to take things personally (trust me) when a girl says no. But I'm slowly coming to realize the insane amount of variables at play that result in people clicking or not. All I can say is, don't overthink it, she doesn't seem to need much help in being interested in you. So go for it, because you WILL regret it if you never try.


----------



## flint757

I was reading up on something else involving culture awhile back and I found it interesting that EVERYTHING in American culture is a competition and the only victor is the one who conquers. If more than one person meets the same goal then the only victor is the one who did it first or the fastest. We find ways to make everything competitive. I think America needs to take a card from some other cultures and realize that it isn't always a competition against each other, but the obstacles/challenges themselves. 

Mind you I don't mean 'Everybody is a winner', but more that trying ones hardest and in some cases finishing (even if others do to) is still worthy of praise. Kind of like the difference between American Ninja Warrior (dumbest name ever ) and Sasuke. In Japan everyone who finishes is given the same praise (not many and sometimes none can complete the task because of its difficulty) and those who compete, genuinely tried their best and still made an exceptional effort are not treated like losers because it was a man vs. obstacle competition not man vs. man. The US variant has turned it into a man vs. man competition.

Somehow I feel like what I'm typing is applicable to other facets of ones life, but I haven't quite pieced it together yet. It feels applicable to the dating world in America though.


----------



## Idontpersonally

completely applicable to the traditional western dating scene. More so now a days than ever of course. Like i said said earlier ive been going through that over three years. Yea she got me in the gym which boosted my self esteem, yea hot girls like boxers and theres nothing wrong with a little healthy competition and sometimes you feel cool with a hot chick but goddamn. Work ethic is one thing but there seems to be more demands that come along with dating here in the states.

i think Some of it comes from the way men and women are just brought up differently, girls think about marriage at a very young and later on dont want to feel like the last of their friends to get married. They want what they want when they want it and will move on if you dont shit or get off the pot. Its one way to establish social status but like you said it can apply to other things.


older or foreign= have a job and dont be a dick. Simple enough.


----------



## Bekanor

Not sure if I have a purely FWB situation or am in a stalemate of undefined connection that both parties are too worried to talk out for clarification. Pretty sure the former but I'm far too happy with what I have now to put it at risk by having the "where is this going?" conversation, simply for the sake of clarifying something that I'm not worried about having up in the air. 

I don't know if I actually need an answer to that question, or how I'd react if she took the reins and said "I want this to be a relationship". I'm also not really sure why I'm not bothered by any of this. Don't look now but I think I may be more well adjusted about dating than I previously thought. 

For now I'm simultaneously looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight, and looking forward to my next sleepover with her, be it sexy time or just snuggles.


----------



## sniperfreak223

sniperfreak223 said:


> I just got pulled into a "love triangle", apparently my brother's roommate has a crush on me, but he thought they were an item and wants to kill me for "stealing his girl", even though she has said on many occasions that she didn't have feelings for him. I've been getting angry calls and emails from him all day, because he found a few emails between me and her, as I was helping her with some songs she was working on, that he thought look a little too flirty...god, we live seven states apart!!! How can I be that much of a threat!?!? But then again, she is quite a hottie...for a country chick, and if she gives me the chance, hell yeah I'll jump on that!!!




Well, now I'm really torn...she just emailed me to tell me that she will be visiting family in the Binghamton, NY area (about an hour north of me) for a week around the 4th of July, and she really wants to hang out with me. I'd really like to meet up with her, but I don't know how much worse it would make the situation...why must my life always be so ....ed up?


----------



## Curt

Idontpersonally said:


> hell nay. Id go with that second option personally, wouldnt take it too serious. That shit never usually happens just one time. she a fire or water sign? like aries or cancer??? Hell my libra did that shit[air] and they dont even typically get that rep.. I let fire signs do w/e the .... they want to do. can you post both your guys natal charts?ASTROLABE: #1 Free Astrology Birth Chart Online: Astrolabe's Free Astro Chart, Horoscope Data Input Page


 I'll just take the no. I don't follow the astrological sign stuff. I just figured maybe I could get a few ....s out of her over the course of time not caring in the least. But I think I would be getting out of some headaches by telling her to .... right off.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Curt said:


> I'll just take the no. I don't follow the astrological sign stuff. I just figured maybe I could get a few ....s out of her over the course of time not caring in the least. But I think I would be getting out of some headaches by telling her to .... right off.


cool, yea some of the stuff can apply to anyone and some things are accurate. Idk why or how it works _exactly_ but it helped me out when my sag said some shit like yea "marraige, family, kids" w/e then said some shit about being with another guy after she's done with me. So im like wtf does that mean? Turns out they say blunt shit like that [fire signs dont usually like to be tied down for very long] and some girl said her sag guy said the same shit to her, about her coming to his wedding even and shit.. Im like why the .... would you marry someone you dont plan on being with very long, and why the .... would you tell someone that.....now im ranting sry....

anyway .... yea







question to anyone
would you have kids with a girl you know is gunna be with someone else later ie your kids gunna have a step dad. would you prefer your kid to be in two homes or one? Some say 2 happy homes is better than one miserable one, and yea 2 parent homes are not always miserable, but if you were in this scenario what would you do/say...


----------



## SenorDingDong

BlackMastodon said:


> Dude, nothing to be self conscious about. She is clearly interested and thinks you're attractive. She's incredibly attractive and has a great personality for you? Yeah that's a lot of pressure but you would kick yourself in the ass for a long time if you didn't at least try.



I thought a lot about this exact point after reading your reply, and ended up calling her yesterday afternoon to see if she had any plans/commitments that night. She didn't. So we went out, and it was just really natural and I really enjoyed being with her. And she asked me about going out again this weekend. So, yeah. :deepbreath: :happysigh:


----------



## SenorDingDong

Oh, and because I neglected to say it, being so caught up with how well things went, thank you BlackMastodon 



Mexi said:


> Dude I was in that boat not more than a 5 days ago. I had convinced myself I had no game, that I was physically unattractive to virtually all women. you don't go years being single and have every attempt you make get shot down by girls that "aren't interested" without ending up horribly cynical about self-confidence or attractiveness. My fear of rejection has probably held me back in so many ways, I can't really grasp it at this point.
> 
> This girl was genuinely SHOCKED that I had been single for this long and would make any excuse to touch me and engage physically. She was also surprised that I didn't have very good self-image (fyi, this does not turn girls on) but she was just like, "wow why not? you're a great looking guy"
> 
> For someone that was convinced of their own inferiority, I was pretty blown away by how quick this girl was to make me feel good about myself. In my view, just knowing that of all potential suitors that avail themselves to women, these girls pick ME (or you) for a reason. That alone should be enough to remind us we have more game than we think, that we have more to offer than we convince ourselves of. Also, it is a stark reminder of how much of what we experience (emotional pain or otherwise) is relative to how we interpret events and how we choose to react to them.
> 
> We give up control when we allow other people's (perceived) ideas of us to change the way we feel about ourselves. we let their comments, their refusals and their denials get to our heads and it is a endless cycle of mind....ing and cynicism. By convincing yourself that going out on a limb to meet a girl will NOT be the end of the world, will not end in some sort of horrible humiliation, you're better adept at actually dealing with rejection in the future.
> 
> A big problem in our culture is that we aren't encouraged to failure or deal with rejection very well. They are seen as things to avoid or markers of incompetence or personal failure. This is certainly true of the dating world, it seems, and it is so easy to take things personally (trust me) when a girl says no. But I'm slowly coming to realize the insane amount of variables at play that result in people clicking or not. All I can say is, don't overthink it, she doesn't seem to need much help in being interested in you. So go for it, because you WILL regret it if you never try.



I'm so bad at forum-ing now, I can't believe I missed this. It hits my issue precisely. 

I've never really thought about things the way you explained: that it has a lot to do with experience, especially when it's after a 'hiatus.' I just developed the issue after almost exactly what you said; going a long while without dating, and then getting shot down a couple times and thinking I'm pretty much worthless. I took it exactly how you said, as a mark of incompetence. 

But it feels good now to actually put myself in a vulnerable spot, take the risk and then see what can come of it. It definitely helps things a lot.


Dude, are you a psychiatrist? You're in my head


----------



## Mexi

SenorDingDong said:


> Dude, are you a psychiatrist? You're in my head



haha nah, I changed my psych major to history because I SUCK at math, though I've been told by a few people that that decision it could have been a mistake. 

I guess you're bound to develop a few insights when you spent an inordinate amount of time in self-reflection. Also when you have friends that get themselves into crazy relationship situations and have my shoulder to cry/rant/bitch on. I think I've been able to vicariously live some of those relationship problems and (hopefully) am in a better position to avoid those hiccups now that I'm back in the game.


----------



## Brill

okay. so there is this girl that ive been into for a little while (like a month and a half),we've talked until like 11 every night and connect on a lot of things. we also hang out together at school, and she comes iver to my house to play DnD and MTG every second weekend. 
so i asked her out for dinner last night, and she said yes fawk:  ). 
however, im not sure if she is into me? she hasnt dropped any on the signs that imbused to ( but the one im used to are quite obviouse ones, like touching me and stuff like that). so can anyone tell me sonething to look for? 
and could i get a little bit of dinner advice? ive never gone out on a 'date' before.
thanks


----------



## BIG ND SWEATY

^dont be super weird like you said you were in your other threads, a little weirdness can be alright if shes already used to you, dont do any crazy outlandish things while on the date either because that could ruin whatever feelings she may have or you. just let the date flow naturally and if it doesnt lead anywhere this time then at the end ask her if she'd like to go out again and if she says yes maybe try to put some moves on her. good luck dude


----------



## MFB

BIG ND SWEATY said:


> ^dont be super weird like you said you were in your other threads





I know why you said it like that, but I still lost my shit


----------



## tacotiklah

Woohoo! I have a date tonight with a guy. We're gonna go grab some mexican food.


----------



## Randy

ghstofperdition said:


> We're gonna go grab some *mexican food*.



Yikes, might wanna avoid going back to your place afterward.


----------



## tacotiklah

Fair point. 
Nah, I wanna take it slow anyways. As eager as I am to get me some booty, I'm also tired of getting with people that treat me like shit. Besides, we girls enjoy making guys wait for it a little bit. 

Edit:
Well that date went horribly bad. I kept trying to talk to him about interests and he seems pretty walled off. Eventually things died down to the point where there was nothing but awkward silence. Two things that pissed me off about the guy: 1.) He kept shit talking me about my hearing loss. Just because I tell you that I do have a hearing issue doesn't mean that you can mumble to yourself and think I don't notice it. I may not know what you said, but that doesn't mean I'm new to the whole "I'm gonna talk shit under my breath" thing. 2.) The complete lack of eye contact. For ....'s sake, if you wanna date me at least show it by looking at me and not in the other direction when you talk. 

Oi vey. Well hopefully future dates will go better than this one.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

^ chin up, I had a date like this earlier in the year, it sucks, but would you really want anything more than an awkward date with such a dick? 
My personal rule for dates is if she can't make me laugh, and think, then i'm not interested.


----------



## sniperfreak223

Just came to the sad realization that I am the exact opposite of what a man my age should be...I actually want a serious relationship, but all I can seem to get are booty calls and one night stands...still getting play, but it just feels so meaningless.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^quitcherbitchin. I felt the same way before I got into a seven year relationship, and I couldn't wait to get out of it after a while. I think everyone needs, NEEDS to go through a period in their life where they sleep around a little bit and get a few things out of their system. Plus, lots of short relationships make you really appreciate the ones that last, a lesson that sadly I hadn't learned and it cost me. Enjoy this time in your life dude, it'll be over before you know it! And don't worry about finding a keeper yet, long term relationships just happen when they're supposed to.


----------



## Idontpersonally

Got in some of the best sleep last night. Posted up with my pisces friend on the couch bumpin tony mcalpine all night.. Ive been trying to not have feelings for her for over 2 years but godamn that was probably one of the best nights ive had in a long while. .... it...she knows but i dont think i could ever come out and say it.. fuuuuck that, nor do i even write about girls anymore. .... that sideways.


----------



## icos211

sniperfreak223 said:


> Just came to the sad realization that I am the exact opposite of what a man my age should be...I actually want a serious relationship, but all I can seem to get are booty calls and one night stands...still getting play, but it just feels so meaningless.



This is what I don't understand about this generation. I completely share your sentiment about serious relationships, and all that I've ever wanted out of life is a future with marriage, kids, a house and a job. And believe you me, I'm a damn sight younger than you. Personally, the very act of thinking about promiscuity makes me physically nauseous. *That's not a joke*. I literally become queasy thinking about people having sex with people they don't know that well or multiple people, etc, etc. Thus I really can't understand why people of any age have so much interest in meaningless, impersonal sexual encounters. Sex to me is about the intimacy of the act, and the building of the bond between two people who feel for eachother through mutual pleasure. How people can derive pleasure from the complete lack of this is a concept entirely foreign to me...

I'd say look for a girl who WON'T have sex with you.  At least for a few months. If you are having problems finding a woman who is interested in taking it slow, perhaps it is the demographic in which you are looking that is flawed? I don't know what your methods for finding women, but I've always heard to never look for women in bars, and I'd extend that to clubs. Those places have always seemed to me like meeting stations for those seeking superfluous encounters... While I met my girl in school, so I can't say much, I'd be pre-disposed to say look for women somewhere groups of people can have fun while being as sober as humanly possible.


----------



## sniperfreak223

^I'm only 25...


----------



## MythicSquirrel

Loxodrome said:


> and could i get a little bit of dinner advice? ive never gone out on a 'date' before.
> thanks



Try to dress well/look presentable.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

so now I have feelings for a girl I used to like AGAIN, except now she has a sort-of boyfriend who's also a good friend of mine 







Now with added betrayal guilt!


----------



## Konfyouzd

^ .... it... keep it movin'...


----------



## Bekanor

Had the "what are we" talk with my girly on Saturday night (actually about 7am Sunday morning when the fun times took a seventh inning stretch). She has feelings for me, I have feelings for her. Neither one of us really has a grip on what those feelings mean or where they might go but we're really into each other so we're going to keep doing our undefined thing and see where it goes.

Happy times.


----------



## icos211

sniperfreak223 said:


> ^I'm only 25...



I see no need to alter anything I said because of this...


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Finally asked this girl is she had "Enough time to maybe hang out or something?? "
Also talking daily and snapchating...

Slowly moving in the right direction!!


----------



## Idontpersonally

icos211 said:


> This is what I don't understand about this generation. I completely share your sentiment about serious relationships, and all that I've ever wanted out of life is a future with marriage, kids, a house and a job. And believe you me, I'm a damn sight younger than you. Personally, the very act of thinking about promiscuity makes me physically nauseous. *That's not a joke*. I literally become queasy thinking about people having sex with people they don't know that well or multiple people, etc, etc. Thus I really can't understand why people of any age have so much interest in meaningless, impersonal sexual encounters. Sex to me is about the intimacy of the act, and the building of the bond between two people who feel for eachother through mutual pleasure. How people can derive pleasure from the complete lack of this is a concept entirely foreign to me...
> 
> *I'd say look for a girl who WON'T have sex with you*.  At least for a few months. If you are having problems finding a woman who is interested in taking it slow, perhaps it is the demographic in which you are looking that is flawed? I don't know what your methods for finding women, but I've always heard to never look for women in bars, and I'd extend that to clubs. Those places have always seemed to me like meeting stations for those seeking superfluous encounters... While I met my girl in school, so I can't say much, I'd be pre-disposed to say look for women somewhere groups of people can have fun while being as sober as humanly possible.






that does remind me of this YT comment i saw about fwb. How basically first base in "our generation" is usually hooking up, while holding hands and kissing and all the dating shit comes second which makes no sense. I do remember talking to this girl at a party a while ago and after i told her to 'put her pussy aside for a minute" [so we could connect on another level] she listened to everything i had to say. When i was done my dude asks her over to his place and she got kinda pist like 'i can sleep at my own place im a grown woman" *shrug*. So yea i hear you and completely understand your point but i dont go getting nauseous if a girl only wants sex. Thats a bit extreme imo. Im fairly young and prefer relationships over hook ups as well, but after having a few its easier to understand when you actually get to know the girl and how they think. Even the wing girl thing is still new to me, blew my mind actually, cause you know theyre not gunna cock block like a guy would, but thats why i like them so much, One girl im dating now was her ex husbands wing girl when she met him. Most modern women from what i know in the west anyway truly enjoy their sexual freedom and dont like to be considered whores for expressing it/or using their bodies how they choose. Those kind of experiences lean heavily on the subjective side of things ime. Every girl is different, I have another lady friend [cancer] the same age as my sag[ 36] and when i explained the wing girl thing to her she didnt really understand it either[ the ".... her to get to me part"...although theyre more possessive anyway] but she said if she were to let her guy sleep around she would just have to have little emotional investment in the relationship, while my sag always makes it clear the sex is nothing and im more important. it's really just something you either you get or you dont i guess. I think the issues are brought up more in ldrs more of then than not thats been the story of my life anyway. A girl will be more willing to hook up with you if she knows shes not going to see you again. Odd but true. As casual as sex is now, i used to feel somewhat objectified bangin a girl i had no intentions of dating or nothing in common with, but ive had even a young girl like early 20's tell me were not "stuck int he 50s anymore", that was a hard slap in the face that i kind of needed personally bc I dont think humans are monogamous by nature anyway or varies depending upon the individual at the very least, but thats another argument i guess ill just end rant. Hodgetwins did a really good vid on this actually..


----------



## asher

Bekanor said:


> Had the "what are we" talk with my girly on Saturday night (actually about 7am Sunday morning when the fun times took a seventh inning stretch). She has feelings for me, I have feelings for her. Neither one of us really has a grip on what those feelings mean or where they might go but we're really into each other so we're going to keep doing our undefined thing and see where it goes.
> 
> Happy times.



Stay in the moment and roll with it man but it's really good you're being straight up about things.


----------



## JosephAOI

Single again, wheeee~


----------



## Legion

First post on this thread.
Fell for a chick. HARD. She's a fair bit older to me. We get along FANTASTIC.

And then. The unthinkable happened.




No, I didn't get friendzoned.




I got BROZONED. 


I hate my life. I'm a f*cking mess right now.



EDIT: It's getting worse, people. I have no idea why I'm going off about this here, I usually pretty inward and tend to keep this shit to myself. For some reason I feel there's nowhere to turn. I guess why I'm talking here is because of the anonymity...I wouldn't mind a little help.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

sucks like rancid ass turds but all you can do is just move on man

move on.


----------



## Konfyouzd

What's the brozone? Sounds homosexual in nature.


----------



## flint757

Konfyouzd said:


> What's the brozone? Sounds homosexual in nature.



We need answers.


----------



## sniperfreak223

I believe it involves the phrase "you're like a brother to me"...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Ehh... Get away from that.


----------



## Legion

Yes. "You're like my little brother."


worst part, she doesn't even know I fell for her.
Was going to ask her this coming weekend.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Legion said:


> Yes. "You're like my little brother."
> 
> 
> worst part, she doesn't even know I fell for her.
> Was going to ask her this coming weekend.



Ouch "Little" brother is even worse...


----------



## Church2224

You know what sucks? That depressing feeling when you find out a girl was into you....but you just did not make your intentions clear so you pretty much got shafted. 

Men...we can be idiots at times 

On a better note, that awesome feeling you get when the hot bartender gives you free shots after only talking to her for a minute


----------



## SnowfaLL

I need advice on how to finally get over someone, when you have absolutely no interest in dating anyone else/etc..

Long story short, I was with a girl for 4 years but I stupidly wasnt sure what I wanted, even though everything was pretty good, I broke it off - I also moved away. Now, 2 years later, I moved back to this city, and I have to see her on the bus every morning to work basically, but the problem is shes living with a new guy now. Where it gets confusing is she said in an email that she wishes we could talk more and is in a mess right now, and I emailed back how I feel but obviously shes put in a tough spot; she'd have to move out and change her whole social group to just attempt seeing me, so now its been almost 2 months and she hasnt made up her mind (Not that I was expecting it anytime soon, its a tough decision)

Its starting to become time that I need to learn how to move on and not spend all days thinking about this. Gaming is usually my distraction but I want to quit, and as much as I like practicing guitar, my mind always shifts back. Hmm.. Dating other girls just sounds so lame and annoying, and no ones good enough for me to be into right now, so that option is out too. What to do?


----------



## Idontpersonally

Church2224 said:


> you free shots after only talking to her for a minute



This, So much this. Highly essential yet so often overlooked. Good work.


----------



## Konfyouzd

NickCormier said:


> I need advice on how to finally get over someone, when you have absolutely no interest in dating anyone else/etc..
> 
> Long story short, I was with a girl for 4 years but I stupidly wasnt sure what I wanted, even though everything was pretty good, I broke it off - I also moved away. Now, 2 years later, I moved back to this city, and I have to see her on the bus every morning to work basically, but the problem is shes living with a new guy now. Where it gets confusing is she said in an email that she wishes we could talk more and is in a mess right now, and I emailed back how I feel but obviously shes put in a tough spot; she'd have to move out and change her whole social group to just attempt seeing me, so now its been almost 2 months and she hasnt made up her mind (Not that I was expecting it anytime soon, its a tough decision)
> 
> Its starting to become time that I need to learn how to move on and not spend all days thinking about this. Gaming is usually my distraction but I want to quit, and as much as I like practicing guitar, my mind always shifts back. Hmm.. Dating other girls just sounds so lame and annoying, and no ones good enough for me to be into right now, so that option is out too. What to do?



Play more guitar
Hang out with your guy friends
Learn a new instrument 
Go get some strange
Maybe cry it out a little if you do that
Go get some more strange
More guitar


----------



## Idontpersonally




----------



## SnowfaLL

Konfyouzd said:


> Play more guitar
> Hang out with your guy friends
> Learn a new instrument
> Go get some strange
> Maybe cry it out a little if you do that
> Go get some more strange
> More guitar



Did every one of those, no good. Just gotta keep playing guitar I guess. I am gonna buy a Nintendo 3DS, hopefully provide a bit more distraction without the annoyance of online gaming lately (dota2 makes me crazy)

All I can do so far is temporarily distract myself, the root of the problem never goes away though.


----------



## Legion

NickCormier said:


> Did every one of those, no good. Just gotta keep playing guitar I guess. I am gonna buy a Nintendo 3DS, hopefully provide a bit more distraction without the annoyance of online gaming lately (dota2 makes me crazy)
> 
> All I can do so far is temporarily distract myself, the root of the problem never goes away though.



I know the feeling.


----------



## Konfyouzd

NickCormier said:


> Did every one of those, no good. Just gotta keep playing guitar I guess. I am gonna buy a Nintendo 3DS, hopefully provide a bit more distraction without the annoyance of online gaming lately (dota2 makes me crazy)
> 
> All I can do so far is temporarily distract myself, the root of the problem never goes away though.


----------



## Brill

Date next Thursday. Then a marathon with the same girl and some other friends the following Saturday.
Man do I feel good!


----------



## straightshreddd

So, I was friends-with-benefits for a long time with this chick I use to work with. Then, she moves to FL, tells me she wants me to move there too, and we plan the shit out.

We were doing the long distance thing and I honestly started getting pretty annoyed with her. But, I sort of hung in there because of how great the ass is. I mean, it's excellent. Plus, I guess I did really have feelings for her. We through around the word "love" a bunch.

Eventually, I started giving her the cold shoulder and we cut it off, but still talked. We'd occasionally go over why it ended and all the details, which would reveal more negatives about her personality to me and totally turn me away from her. 

Well, now I've recently begun missing her and we'd have a few teenage, up-all-night phone sessions, until we mutually decided that it's probably best we stopped talking completely so we can get our individual lives sorted. 

I was okay with it. She told me to ignore her if she texts me or anything. I complied.

So, I start getting back into the flow of spitting some game and hitting up bars and stuff. We hadn't talked in weeks and BOOM she's facebook messages me some long shit about how she loves and misses me and wants to see me when she visits in July. 

I've ignored it since I got it a few days ago. Should I respond or not even f*ck with it?


----------



## lawizeg

Don't respond. Simple, she told you not to and you don't even seem to want to. It seems like she's just lonely probably.


----------



## straightshreddd

True. Good call. I guess I just kinda miss her, physically.


----------



## noUser01

straightshreddd said:


> True. Good call. I guess I just kinda miss her, physically.



I see this a lot in these threads... don't do it. Let your _brain _do the thinking for you. This is how mistakes are made, by not using your brain. You're doing great so far, don't mess it up by undoing all that work, right?


----------



## Gothic Headhunter

Legion said:


> I know the feeling.



Shouldn't that be "we know the feeling"?

I'll see myself out now


----------



## spadz93

my last ex that i thought was supposed to be golden decided that weed and cocaine was more important, and literally dumped me for those exact reasons. i'm over it already, i know that i'm the better person, but at this point i'm taking a break and not gonna try for anything new. i got one girl that i wanna go for, but i doubt anything will become of it. at this point, i'm just gonna live my life and see what comes knocking on my door


----------



## Thrashmanzac

by any chance did you give her an ultimatum anything along the lines of "you're not allowed to smoke weed or do any drugs, or we're over"?


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

I has a good story:

My ex girlfriend got in contact with me again, after a few months, and she said she missed me. Now, I can't say it was a really smooth relationship back then, but she recovered and she is better than ever.

She's coming over friday, lets keep our fingers crossed.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

so i just hooked up with a young lady who used to compete in this miss rhode island pageants. yes she is hot, and yes it was amazing. 

ended up spending the night with her (never actually slept overnight with a girl), which was interesting for me as i kept waking up because im not used to someone sleeping next to me. 

not sure if she wants a relationship (i know her history with man and it is a tad on the long side) or just wants to hook up... but either way i dont lose so this is fuggin awesome!


----------



## BlackMastodon

Ibanezsam4 said:


> so i just hooked up with a young lady who used to compete in this miss rhode island pageants. yes she is hot, and yes it was amazing.
> 
> ended up spending the night with her (never actually slept overnight with a girl), which was interesting for me as i kept waking up because im not used to someone sleeping next to me.
> 
> not sure if she wants a relationship (i know her history with man and it is a tad on the long side) or just wants to hook up... but either way i dont lose so this is fuggin awesome!


----------



## spadz93

Thrashmanzac said:


> by any chance did you give her an ultimatum anything along the lines of "you're not allowed to smoke weed or do any drugs, or we're over"?



no i never said that. i told her i dont have a problem with her smoking weed, but i told her anything past that kinda makes me uncomfortable because at the time i had just recently lost a close friend due to overdose on harder drugs, and she knew that, so i didnt really feel like i was asking much. i never threatened our relationship, i gave this girl the world, never an ultimatum


----------



## Ajb667

I almost got back together with my ex a few months ago ( we ended on good terms and stayed friends) we went out, kissed blah blah blah, and I thought we were getting back together. Then outta the blue she says she wants to stay single. ....ing sucks right?

Two months later I find out she's dating my ex best friend, who is an asshole and hurt her years ago. And they told all my friends they were dating but me.






Gotta hate people sometimes, right.


----------



## straightshreddd

ConnorGilks said:


> I see this a lot in these threads... don't do it. Let your _brain _do the thinking for you. This is how mistakes are made, by not using your brain. You're doing great so far, don't mess it up by undoing all that work, right?



True. Damn.


----------



## Brill

Just got back from my dinner date. was fun, I don't think she is that intresed in me.. which really sucks..


----------



## Ibanezsam4

so this bang buddy girl is taking a turn for the interesting. 

she just asked me for the 2nd time tonight what i see us being or if i want us to be something. last time i told her that i liked her, but i dont want definitions. this time we actually talked a little. i told her, yes i could see us being something good, but i dont want to be trying to instigate that while she says she's not on the market. 

what comes next is interesting. 

Her: "i still see my ex-boyfriend. like we talk and hangout sometimes.. but i havent slept with him in forever.. but you should know" 

me: "i figured you were still seeing him. do whatever we're not dating or anything" 

her: "im not trying to play you.. this is just really hard" 

me: "what do you think? you've asked me what i've thought of you, tell me what you're thinking"

her: "you're basically the most fun guy i've ever been with and it makes me hard to stay unattached.. but i want to move to south carolina and get my own life going and you're still in school and im not sure we're compatible..." 

she later admits she is not saying no, but she isn't sure if saying yes is a good idea. 

i told her that the friends with benefits thing is fun, but it has an expiration date, and that at some point im going to want something more, and if it is offered somewhere else, then im leaving. i then told her if she finds something she's interested in to simply tell me and i will disappear quietly. 

to some up the story: 
our arrangement has lasted a little over a week, and i have already upset the apple cart (holy f.u.ck.ing ego boost batman!) 

she is still seeing her ex to some capacity but i have nookie privileges (i actually dont think she is lying about that). 

and despite the fact that i would never have put up with any of this shit before, i surprisingly dont give a shit right now. its refreshing to not give a shit. 

this will probably end badly but whatever!


----------



## Bekanor

Ibanezsam4 said:


> so this bang buddy girl is taking a turn for the interesting.
> 
> she just asked me for the 2nd time tonight what i see us being or if i want us to be something. last time i told her that i liked her, but i dont want definitions. this time we actually talked a little. i told her, yes i could see us being something good, but i dont want to be trying to instigate that while she says she's not on the market.
> 
> what comes next is interesting.
> 
> Her: "i still see my ex-boyfriend. like we talk and hangout sometimes.. but i havent slept with him in forever.. but you should know"
> 
> me: "i figured you were still seeing him. do whatever we're not dating or anything"
> 
> her: "im not trying to play you.. this is just really hard"
> 
> me: "what do you think? you've asked me what i've thought of you, tell me what you're thinking"
> 
> her: "you're basically the most fun guy i've ever been with and it makes me hard to stay unattached.. but i want to move to south carolina and get my own life going and you're still in school and im not sure we're compatible..."
> 
> she later admits she is not saying no, but she isn't sure if saying yes is a good idea.
> 
> i told her that the friends with benefits thing is fun, but it has an expiration date, and that at some point im going to want something more, and if it is offered somewhere else, then im leaving. i then told her if she finds something she's interested in to simply tell me and i will disappear quietly.
> 
> to some up the story:
> our arrangement has lasted a little over a week, and i have already upset the apple cart (holy f.u.ck.ing ego boost batman!)
> 
> she is still seeing her ex to some capacity but i have nookie privileges (i actually dont think she is lying about that).
> 
> and despite the fact that i would never have put up with any of this shit before, i surprisingly dont give a shit right now. its refreshing to not give a shit.
> 
> this will probably end badly but whatever!



Never underestimate the power of the male psyche to not give a shit after biological imperatives have been satisfied. I'm in kind of the same boat as you. Though for me, if it's been a while since sexy time, I'll start to over think this undefined thing I have going on. However my post-coital refractory period could be best described as an apathy coma. Happy with what is, not concerned about what may or may not be in the future, will probably be asleep before the end of the first episode of whatever we're watching during snuggle time.


----------



## sniperfreak223

Recently started dating a long-time friend,and let's just say it's awesome to be so connected to my partner, even though she knows way too much about me if shit does sour,but, for the moment, happy thoughts. sniper's the happiest he's been in years.


----------



## JosephAOI

My ex came over the other day. Lips touched. Hands wandered. Clothes flew off and we ....ed like crazy. We're still just friends


----------



## necronile

Im single.......


----------



## Konfyouzd

Loxodrome said:


> Just got back from my dinner date. was fun, I don't think she is that intresed in me.. which really sucks..



c'est la vie, man... keep on cruisin' (Pauly Shore voice)


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Bekanor said:


> Never underestimate the power of the male psyche to not give a shit after biological imperatives have been satisfied. I'm in kind of the same boat as you. Though for me, if it's been a while since sexy time, I'll start to over think this undefined thing I have going on. However my post-coital refractory period could be best described as an apathy coma. Happy with what is, not concerned about what may or may not be in the future, will probably be asleep before the end of the first episode of whatever we're watching during snuggle time.



my goal is to keep the same mindset as you. but on the other hand i wish she hadn't said that she was torn about wanting to go the next step with me and letting go when the time comes. 

you see i do get a little competitive, hence why i refuse to compete over women. and knowing that there is a window of opportunity makes me want to step up to the challenge... but i know that the ball is in her court on this and its pointless to get myself all worked up about it and end up getting hurt.... 

so yeah, your mindset is my ideal right now


----------



## wat

anal sex


----------



## Church2224

To those wondering why women date assholes, here is where to start-

The relationship between the insecure men and the insecure women they attract. - Mingle City

Pretty much sums it up right there. You may look at a woman and think she is drop dead gorgeous, but deep down there is probably something very wrong and insecure about her. Help me get a perspective. What a lot of people do not tell you is even if you do everything right, and you are a confident person, you might not get the girl. Why? Something is up with her. Trust me on this one. 

As for me, I also have three women on my radar right now-

1. A friend of my who recently became single. She has always found me attractive and I have found her to be quite beautiful herself. I did not take my chances with her back in the day because she was immature but she has grown up quite a bit. She lives about 2 hours away from me, and her college is about an hour from me. Do you think I should take the chance ?

2. I was at a fashion store recently and met this girl who works there. She seems kind of shy but she smiles at me and I make her laugh a little bit. I have not got her number yet but I go there a lot so I know I will see her again. Should I go back and ask her for her number?

3. Met a girl who works at a local bar the other day who might become a swimsuit model soon, got her number and Facebook, more to come...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Interesting...


----------



## BlackMastodon

Church2224 said:


> As for me, I also have three women on my radar right now-
> 
> 1. A friend of my who recently became single. She has always found me attractive and I have found her to be quite beautiful herself. I did not take my chances with her back in the day because she was immature but she has grown up quite a bit. She lives about 2 hours away from me, and her college is about an hour from me. Do you think I should take the chance ?
> 
> 2. I was at a fashion store recently and met this girl who works there. She seems kind of shy but she smiles at me and I make her laugh a little bit. I have not got her number yet but I go there a lot so I know I will see her again. Should I go back and ask her for her number?
> 
> 3. Met a girl who works at a local bar the other day who might become a swimsuit model soon, got her number and Facebook, more to come...



1. Keep hanging out with her when you get the chance and being friends but flirt with her and see what kind of vibe she sends your way. Play it by ear from there.

2. Get her number and see where it goes. Doesn't hurt to ask.

3.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

^
Double


----------



## straymond

Waddya know...

I'm getting married to my beautiful queen and mother to our son on the 21. september!
I couldn't be happier or prouder!


----------



## Konfyouzd

^


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Men cheat because men are assholes. Women cheat because men are assholes. That's what I learned tonight from a bunch of women. I'm usually pretty cool with adult discussion that I don't agree with, BUT F_U_CK THAT. Be on the lookout guys, some women actually believe this. Blew my mind.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

so i caught up with an ex for drinks a couple of nights ago. it started great, then got a bit weird, and ended with myself having to try to explain to her why i thought sleeping together again was a bad idea. it seems she's been thinking about me a lot and wants to fool around. turning down sex with this girl is one of the smartest things i think i have done, it would have ended really bad


----------



## JosephAOI

Church2224 said:


> As for me, I also have three women on my radar right now-
> 
> 1. A friend of my who recently became single. She has always found me attractive and I have found her to be quite beautiful herself. I did not take my chances with her back in the day because she was immature but she has grown up quite a bit. She lives about 2 hours away from me, and her college is about an hour from me. Do you think I should take the chance ?
> 
> 2. I was at a fashion store recently and met this girl who works there. She seems kind of shy but she smiles at me and I make her laugh a little bit. I have not got her number yet but I go there a lot so I know I will see her again. Should I go back and ask her for her number?
> 
> 3. Met a girl who works at a local bar the other day who might become a swimsuit model soon, got her number and Facebook, more to come...



WHAT?!?! Church took my multiple women at once advice?!?! What is this witchcraft???!1 

Good for you though, man!  Looks like you've got some solid advice above me already though.


----------



## Church2224

JosephAOI said:


> WHAT?!?! Church took my multiple women at once advice?!?! What is this witchcraft???!1
> 
> Good for you though, man!  Looks like you've got some solid advice above me already though.




 Thanks man. I pretty much had a "come to Jesus" meeting with myself and had to make a conscious decision to change my outlook on relationships. As much as I want to settle down with some one, it is not going to happen soon due to my age group. So might as well live it up and get out there while I can and have some fun with dating around and even just spending time with some beautiful women, even if it is not serious.


----------



## Despised_0515

So... tell me more about this "dating a long time friend thing" because I'm really on the fence about starting to make moves on this friend of mine...


----------



## flo

Despised_0515 said:


> So... tell me more about this "dating a long time friend thing" because I'm really on the fence about starting to make moves on this friend of mine...




Oh definitely do it! Most people enter relationships with complete strangers they just met. And sometimes even that works  If it is a friend you've been knowing for a long time and you both want to give it a shot, it's the sort of thing that lasts. (says someone who did just that)


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Despised_0515 said:


> So... tell me more about this "dating a long time friend thing" because I'm really on the fence about starting to make moves on this friend of mine...



Its one of the better ways to start a relationship I think honestly, you know the person a lot better so know wether its gonna stand a decent chance or not.


----------



## Brill

Despised_0515 said:


> So... tell me more about this "dating a long time friend thing" because I'm really on the fence about starting to make moves on this friend of mine...



Even though I am not very experienced with women, my only relationship has come from this sort of thing.. Well kind of. But I have to say that this is the way I try for relationships.
(also I seem to be getting ads from Wedding rings when in this thread xD)


----------



## Kiwimetal101

TOMORROW!!!!!!

Have a "Do you wanna hang out sometime" situation finally happening tomorrow with this chick i've been talking to from uni lately, planning on picking her up and going to the new glow in the dark indoor minigolf place thats just opened up in town..

First date of any kind in over 2 years 

Possibly will be asking her out to dinner if it goes well too...


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Despised_0515 said:


> So... tell me more about this "dating a long time friend thing" because I'm really on the fence about starting to make moves on this friend of mine...



if you want success in the long term this totally works... basically if you intend on being serious with this girl go for it.


----------



## RevelGTR

glassmoon0fo said:


> Men cheat because men are assholes. Women cheat because men are assholes. That's what I learned tonight from a bunch of women. I'm usually pretty cool with adult discussion that I don't agree with, BUT F_U_CK THAT. Be on the lookout guys, some women actually believe this. Blew my mind.


There is nothing I hate more then this attitude that women have. Modern feminism seems to have taught them that they can do no wrong. It's complete horse shit.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Today went great!

Talked non-stop from the moment I picked her up, spent 3 and a half hours walking around town after mini golf talking aswel.

Didn't quite get the chance to ask her out properly cause she had to go see her sister but was "down for it" doing something again..

Feels Good man


----------



## sniperfreak223

Despised_0515 said:


> So... tell me more about this "dating a long time friend thing" because I'm really on the fence about starting to make moves on this friend of mine...



Well, we've been friends for about 15 years now, I first met her in 5th grade. We had both had a mutual crush all along apparently, but neither of us wanted to act. I'd been single for close to a year now, and her last boyfriend was an abusive alcoholic, and after they broke up last month, he randomly showed up at her house threatening her. Police were called, he was arrested, and I ended up spending a week at her house to make sure she was okay, and she finally came out and told me "maybe we were meant to be", and now, that's where we are.


but then again, she had been dropping hints...the most awkward was just after graduation in 2006, when we were at a friend's graduation party.I was sitting with my then-gf and talking with her and a bunch of my friends, and my gf got into jelly mode for some reason, and this lady (my current gf) just told her, "don't worry...Seppi is like a brother to me, except I'd totally .... him"...I was in the dog house for awhile, but we stayed friends, and now, well, I'm happy I finally gave us a shot.


----------



## Mexi

sniperfreak223 said:


> Well, we've been friends for about 15 years now, I first met her in 5th grade. We had both had a mutual crush all along apparently, but neither of us wanted to act. I'd been single for close to a year now, and* her last boyfriend was an abusive alcoholic*, and after they broke up last month, he randomly showed up at her house threatening her. Police were called, he was arrested, and *I ended up spending a week at her house* to make sure she was okay, and she finally came out and told me "*maybe we were meant to be*", and now, that's where we are.



I'd definitely be careful here. don't discount the possibility that she still feels very emotionally vulnerable after being in such an abusive relationship and finds that the comfort of a long-time friend (or more) can give her the comfort she needs at the moment. It is great when the fine line between long-time friend and lover is blurred, but shortly after an emotionally/physically abusive relationship (that can take years to get over) is ill-advised imo . tread carefully


----------



## BucketheadRules

Goddammit... basically, a very beautiful girl I know came into the shop where I work earlier, and came to my till to pay for her stuff. We said hi and so on, but I'm always a little nervous serving people I know, for some reason (it's weird, you'd think I'd be more relaxed but this is not usually the case). Today, however, my hands actually started shaking a bit (I don't know if she noticed but it seemed quite obvious to me) and, while I didn't do anything catastrophic like piss myself or lose the ability to speak, I have a sneaking suspicion I looked like a bit of an idiot... dear oh dear. I need to get out more.

Maybe this is a manifestation of a much more over-arching problem I have, which is that I've never really had much experience with girls, so I'm (usually) never really relaxed and "myself" around them. It's something I'm increasingly aware of, and it's getting to be really annoying. Jeez... isn't it just great being socially awkward? I don't even like posting in this thread, it feels weird. I'm really not very open with my feelings in these matters, never have been.


----------



## flint757

Join groups you'd expect women to take part in. Removes the pressure and you learn how to mingle with women. Most of my friends have dispersed over the years so I'll probably be doing something like that in the near future. Maybe cooking or photography or something.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Just have to ask yourself, why would women make you nervous? Women mature faster than most guys, so at one point you may have looked up to them and just never took them off that pedestal? Think that was the deal for me, but one day junior year in highschool I was hanging out after school in the band room (geek here) and left to hit the bathroom. Saw my two biggest fap targets down the hall, one a cheerleader and the other was her mega hot friend and my mate on the drumline. I got a bit nervous just knowing I'd be passing them alone in a dark hallway after school, especially with both of them dressed as they were (undershorts and tank tops to go under their uniforms). I was thinking something along the lines of, "Wake up, Dick. this is what Penthouse Forum was talking about!" and got even more worked up as I got closer. Then, I heard what they were talking about. The cheerleader said "I gotta shit like woah" and drumline chick said "ah, me too!" and then proceeded to cut the nastiest, wettest fart I'd ever heard. So of course I bust out laughing and scare the hell out of the girls, apparently they didn't hear me coming. I ripped on them for that for months  And here's the point of the story, I never had a single problem with majorly attractive women at all after that. Every time I see one and start to think "oh man, she's so fine she couldn't possibly do any wrong" I just imagine her eating Chipotle and suffering through the world war III shits, and then I realize she's probably done something like that in the past month, and then I hit on them  Works for me!

EDIT: humor aside, you just have to realize that even though you'll probably find many women attractive, you aren't meant to get along with MOST of those women, but really the only way to find out is to just talk to them like you would a friend. A very hot friend with a vagina. The more you do it, the better at it you'll get, so go out and use whatever it is your friends like about you, on women. All women, even the middle aged lady at the cash register. Charm is timeless, so develop the skill a little and keep sarging.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Do a teaching course man, then you have to talk to females haha

I try to be a bit cheeky and use my humor at the start, I almost hide behind it at the start when I'm shy and don't reveal to much about my self.


----------



## metalmonster

Personnally, i hate talking to people that i don't know. Unless they know someone i know... 

And what i do is talk about either 'interesting' stuff like science, or music, or any interest the girl and me share ... which requires knowing what captivates the girl.

... but what i do most is use situational humor. Which is a skill in itself, at least to me, since i used to be VERY bad at it. Which leads me to the last point : plain listening of what she has to say. 

Though lots of girls just don't talk very much. Which leads to humor and trying to find out what excites/interests the girls. Is she excited by sport ? Does she likes science ? It's up to you to find out. 

btw, and that's general advice : watch lots of documentaries and read a lot of books on various topics.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Randomly decided to throw up an ad on Craigslist... We'll see how this goes... 

"27m seeking mature woman" 

This could be interesting... 

Dating for me has become more of a "I wonder what's gonna happen THIS time," thing for me...


----------



## Kiwimetal101

metalmonster said:


> ... but what i do most is use situational humor. Which is a skill in itself, at least to me, since i used to be VERY bad at it. Which leads me to the last point : plain listening of what she has to say.




Yea when we first started the year there was 32(i think) of us 5 dudes the rest females, just being able to make a couple of wise cracks or cheeky little stabs broke the ice a bit and made it a lot easier make connections with them, and then everyone kinda took notice of who I was


----------



## RevelGTR

Try: 27" seeking mature woman


----------



## cromaticas

kissing a girls's hand:yay or nay?she's a friend I've known for a while (3 years or so) and I kinda like her.I've been thinking about saying hello to her this way,at least once.Opinions?


----------



## Mordacain

cromaticas said:


> kissing a girls's hand:yay or nay?she's a friend I've known for a while (3 years or so) and I kinda like her.I've been thinking about saying hello to her this way,at least once.Opinions?



Kissing a women's hand was a tradition upon being introduced in formal society.

As far as I know it was never appropriate at any other time.

It's a pretty intimate gesture, so I'd say no.


----------



## Konfyouzd

WSchaferJR said:


> Try: 27" seeking mature woman





Then I'd be scaring them away for a whole new reason. That's assault w a deadly weapon.

Hand kissing? For real? I feel like if I know that everyone should. Unless you're Sir Lancelot.


----------



## metalmonster

Great read, church 2224 (speech about insecurities) ! 

Which is funny because i realized lastly that the only thing i had to do to get girls was a simple thing :

happiness ...


(which does not match my avatar)


----------



## cromaticas

Mordacain said:


> Kissing a women's hand was a tradition upon being introduced in formal society.
> 
> As far as I know it was never appropriate at any other time.
> 
> It's a pretty intimate gesture, so I'd say no.


I asked a couple of female friends and they thought it would be cute,but I don't want to look stupid doing it.


----------



## flint757

It's one of those things that just has to work in the moment otherwise it is either weird or corny.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I just keep thinking of JP from Grandma's Boy.

"G'day, m'lady..."


----------



## glassmoon0fo

NEVER TRUST WHAT WOMEN SAY ABOUT WHAT THEY LIKE!!! Jesus have you guys learned anything?


----------



## incinerated_guitar

I think this may actually be my first post in this thread. To sum it up, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years left me today (or yesterday technically) over text. She didn't waste anytime either, it was as soon as she woke up that she decided that we need to part ways. I knew this was coming, and I even told her saturday that I really felt like she was gonna leave me soon. She then told me she won't, which is a total lie because it wasnt even 24 hours later that she left me. We've been going through a rough patch lately, after a LONG period of smooth sailing that I was really enjoying. She says its my attitude that made her leave. I guess I'm just too short tempered for her  It sucks, but I'm surrounding myself with friends to help keep it from getting to me. All of my friends were totally shocked, I guess. I'm trying to look at the bright sides though. I'm about to start college next month, at a school full of VERY willing women  As well as this just gives me more time to focus on schooling and my band. But damn, it already feels different not having someone to talk to all day :/


----------



## sniperfreak223

Mexi said:


> I'd definitely be careful here. don't discount the possibility that she still feels very emotionally vulnerable after being in such an abusive relationship and finds that the comfort of a long-time friend (or more) can give her the comfort she needs at the moment. It is great when the fine line between long-time friend and lover is blurred, but shortly after an emotionally/physically abusive relationship (that can take years to get over) is ill-advised imo . tread carefully




That's why I'm trying to take it slow at this point...it's not the first time either of us have been down that road, so I don't want to jump in to anything too serious...I've even said no to, um, "intimacy" for a while until we're both sure of what we really want in this relationship.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Man I must be a decent writer or women in my city are lonely... Already got a bite... She asked for a pic... Countdown to loss of interest begins now...


----------



## BlackMastodon

incinerated_guitar said:


> I think this may actually be my first post in this thread. To sum it up, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years left me today (or yesterday technically) over text. She didn't waste anytime either, it was as soon as she woke up that she decided that we need to part ways. I knew this was coming, and I even told her saturday that I really felt like she was gonna leave me soon. She then told me she won't, which is a total lie because it wasnt even 24 hours later that she left me. We've been going through a rough patch lately, after a LONG period of smooth sailing that I was really enjoying. She says its my attitude that made her leave. I guess I'm just too short tempered for her  It sucks, but I'm surrounding myself with friends to help keep it from getting to me. All of my friends were totally shocked, I guess. I'm trying to look at the bright sides though. I'm about to start college next month, at a school full of VERY willing women  As well as this just gives me more time to focus on schooling and my band. But damn, it already feels different not having someone to talk to all day :/


Dude, 2.5 years and she doesn't have the f**king stones to break up with you in person? That's pretty sh*tty of her. You're doing the right thing by surrounding yourself with friends and looking ahead and at the silver lining of things.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^ TROOF...


----------



## Blitzie

incinerated_guitar said:


> I think this may actually be my first post in this thread. To sum it up, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years left me today (or yesterday technically) over text. She didn't waste anytime either, it was as soon as she woke up that she decided that we need to part ways. I knew this was coming, and I even told her saturday that I really felt like she was gonna leave me soon. She then told me she won't, which is a total lie because it wasnt even 24 hours later that she left me. We've been going through a rough patch lately, after a LONG period of smooth sailing that I was really enjoying. She says its my attitude that made her leave. I guess I'm just too short tempered for her  It sucks, but I'm surrounding myself with friends to help keep it from getting to me. All of my friends were totally shocked, I guess. I'm trying to look at the bright sides though. I'm about to start college next month, at a school full of VERY willing women  As well as this just gives me more time to focus on schooling and my band. But damn, it already feels different not having someone to talk to all day :/



Sorry to hear that dude. You're doing the right thing though. Keep yourself busy, surround yourself with positive things and friends. You'll be alright.


----------



## mulgreaux




----------



## Church2224

glassmoon0fo said:


> NEVER TRUST WHAT WOMEN SAY ABOUT WHAT THEY LIKE!!! Jesus have you guys learned anything?



And never listen to them when they say "Just be yourself"


----------



## Konfyouzd

I don't get that. But oh well. 

It pisses me off when I find out a woman hasn't been herself. On second thought... You *should* be yourself... All day--erryday. You'll be happiest when you find a woman that genuinely enjoys who you are. 

Pretending to be someone/something you're not to please a woman will inevitably make you both unhappy unless you're role playing.


----------



## Murmel

^
In the early days of this thread, JohnIce gave the advice that not everyone is better of being themselves. Some people aren't pleasant people being themselves. I know exactly where he's coming from, unless I give what I'm saying some thought I can be pretty rude.

Unfortunately that's just how it turned out for some of us. Of course, you can always get rid of this by working on it, I'm much better now than a few years ago.

Edit: You can't really use "I'm just being myself" as an excuse for being an ass. Not sure where I'd fit this in what I wrote, but I just wanted to throw it out there


----------



## Konfyouzd

Working on it and making a conscious, deliberate change--in my eyes--is not the same as not being oneself. "My future's made of PlayDo; my last is made of stone."


----------



## Murmel

I can agree with that to an extent. But actually taking the step and doing it is much harder than I thought it would be. I guess it's some really stupid question of pride, at least it was for me.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

A lot of people cant tell the difference though, or genuinely think that they can find someone to put up with all the bullshit they like to indulge in. In that sense, "be yourself" is the worst thing you can tell someone. I'm with you though mate, making a conscious effort to be attractive is a prerequisite for most people, and you cant got some of them to do that because of some misplaced sense that they're entitled to a mate because this is America or some shit like that 

EDIT: to summarize, if you aren't swimming in vaginal crevice all day long, being yourself probably isn't the best option you have


----------



## Konfyouzd

Its very difficult. My family is Caribbean and I inherited quite a temper. Ppl have been known to light fires not easily extinguished effin' around w me... 

That said, I've been making efforts to just let some shit go for the sake of my mental and physical health along w the health of relationships I form w others both romantic and otherwise. 

Progress is progress whether its baby steps or elephant steps.


----------



## Murmel

Tbh, I still haven't really found who I want to be. I still get insecure about how I should act sometimes.

Man, it feels like I'm describing myself as extremely socially awkward, I'm definitely not  I'm probably harder on myself than I should be. Who doesn't want to be perfect.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Sounds like you're definitely harder on yourself than necessary. Not everyone is gonna love you--or even like you--regardless of what you do. That's what makes the ones that do awesome.

Again, I'm not saying to just do whatever you want and it'll all work out. I'm saying a woman's approval isn't the end all be all litmus test in terms of how great a person you are.


----------



## Murmel

I actually have an easier time getting womens approval than mens. I find women often being easier to talk to because they usually have more to say  I have a really hard time opening up to guys too, that probably has a lot to do with it. I can barely talk about girls and such things with guys, which is a common topic of conversation for young men my age.

Apparently I'm boyfriend material, or at least that's what I've been told, but reality says otherwise


----------



## Konfyouzd

... preachin' to the choir, brotha...

Oh well... I'm still quite young. And dem cougars... 

Gonna git me one...


----------



## incinerated_guitar

BlackMastodon said:


> Dude, 2.5 years and she doesn't have the f**king stones to break up with you in person? That's pretty sh*tty of her. You're doing the right thing by surrounding yourself with friends and looking ahead and at the silver lining of things.



I thought the same thing. Its not like it was out of convenience for her to come see me anyway  she just moved in right down the street from me today.


----------



## Church2224

Well there is some truth is being yourself (I had to think about this while mowing the lawn ) If you are a really secure person, you are going to attract secure people, if you are not a secure guy then you are going to attract insecure women. 

TBH, do you REALLY want to attract a woman who has issues? Or attract a woman who knows who she is and appreciates you for who you are. Plus do not make yourself miserable by being come one you are not. If you are not happy then it is not going to work. 

On the same side, if women REALLY wanted us to be ourselves, then why the hell do they date complete jack-asses?

If I hear one more thing about women dating "Bad Boys" I will lose it


----------



## Konfyouzd

There we go... That's more what I was driving at.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Sweet... Craigslist... Got two responses in the past day surprisingly... First one I'm guessing didn't find me attractive bc she went quiet after we exchanged pics... Or rather I sent one and just never heard from her again. That's a bit creepy to me... Whatever I have guns... 

Second one... I appear to have her attention at least for the moment... It's now my job to keep it... And she seems like one I might actually like from our convos so far... And she's actually younger than me... My little sis's age (22)... This'll be fun... 

EDIT: Now talking to both. Didn't see that coming... The other is 33...


----------



## -42-

So after spending last night hanging out with a friend of mine to take her mind off of her shitty day her ex decides to hit me up on facebook to ask me point blank if I have feelings for her. I kinda do, but I also kinda don't and I really only have the intent of being her friend right now. After relaying this to him he tells me that he wants me to ask her out because "all I want is for her to be happy" and and that I have his "blessing" to make romantic advances towards her. Now aside from throwing a wrench into the convoluted system of cogs that pass as my emotions, the guy was being a complete prick. She's not his daughter, he doesn't f_ucking_ own her and he is in no f_ucking_ position to order me about. Maybe on paper it seems like he's being gracious but he really just came off as a magnanimous jerkoff who still treats the girl he dated like she's some piece of his property and I really would like nothing more than to kick his smug face in.


----------



## RevelGTR

As far as being your self goes: Yes, be your self, but be your _best_ self. People who think that they can waltz into a date in sweatpants farting all the way need a reality check.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

Murmel said:


> Apparently I'm boyfriend material, or at least that's what I've been told, but reality says otherwise



My life exactly 

My personal opinion: unless they're willing to put their money where their mouth is with regard to displaying even the slightest bit of interest, then their saying so is null and void


----------



## Konfyouzd

-42- said:


> So after spending last night hanging out with a friend of mine to take her mind off of her shitty day her ex decides to hit me up on facebook to ask me point blank if I have feelings for her. I kinda do, but I also kinda don't and I really only have the intent of being her friend right now. After relaying this to him he tells me that he wants me to ask her out because "all I want is for her to be happy" and and that I have his "blessing" to make romantic advances towards her. Now aside from throwing a wrench into the convoluted system of cogs that pass as my emotions, the guy was being a complete prick. She's not his daughter, he doesn't f_ucking_ own her and he is in no f_ucking_ position to order me about. Maybe on paper it seems like he's being gracious but he really just came off as a magnanimous jerkoff who still treats the girl he dated like she's some piece of his property and I really would like nothing more than to kick his smug face in.



I've actually had ppl be like this before and it's a strange thing to me.

Now on the one hand, I "sort of" understand where he's coming from, but it also depends on how long ago they dated. 

For instance... There was a friend of mine and he, myself and his gf were all mutual friends. He didn't treat her very well and she eventually just kinda started hanging out with me more and more to the point that they eventually broke up and guess who she ended up with...?

Well... He never said anything to my face, but he told other folks that I was an asshole for "not asking him before going out with her..." Umm... okay...?

Now... At the same time... 

After things with that girl went south, I ended up dating another chick I'd been dying to get with FOR-EH-VER... Maybe 3 days after we broke up my friend looks me right in the face at the lunch table and tells me... "Yo I think I'm gonna holler at Nikki..."

Kinda wanted to kick his nuts up into his throat... 



Captain Shoggoth said:


> My life exactly
> 
> My personal opinion: unless they're willing to put their money where their mouth is with regard to displaying even the slightest bit of interest, then their saying so is null and void



I think that's the do unto other's principle as interpreted by the stereotypical woman... They seem to enjoy empty compliments whether it means you like em or not...


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

^would seem so, I've had enough of those and too few real ones to feel too satisfied


----------



## Konfyouzd

Nvm... I got this...


----------



## Despised_0515

why am I just now noticing the tags


----------



## Metal_Webb

Despised_0515 said:


> why am I just now noticing the tags



Wow, people on here are dicks 

Not everyone grew up with a male figure in their life. As a result, not everyone has an idea of how to act around women, especially if you're made to feel socially inadequate for a large chunk of your early years.

Edit: That last bit wasn't aimed at you Despised, just a general comment.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Date was ....in awesome and she was cuter than her pic.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I kinda feel like I should talk about how I got the date in the first place since to me its kinda funny...

I tried to ask her out for Friday.... She didn't seem into that. So Tuesday she mentioned a project she had in which she had to intentionally put herself in an awkward situation and then write/give a presentation about it. 

Since we'd just met Sunday I suggested she simply go out somewhere with me to a place of my choosing. 

She immediately agreed.

I took her to some french restaurant in the area and we vibed hardcore INSTANTLY. We talked all night non stop until the restaurant closed. And she seemed genuinely interested in everything I had to say. We even have a crazy amount of things in common. 

I want her...


----------



## RevelGTR

^ Purchase her. Then make a NGFD thread!


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## piggins411

She could use you as a visual aid for her presentation


----------



## sniperfreak223

piggins411 said:


> She could use you as a visual aid for her presentation



that's it!!! there's your reason!


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## kchay

Glad to hear things are going well dude!
I've missed this thread haha.


----------



## The Finger

Right. I've read page 220-current, just to see what this is all about, and I think I atleast know what to expect now.

To my issue: I've recently began talking to this girl. She's great. Funny, pretty, you name it. Seeing as we just started talking, I don't know her all that well, and I'm afraid she won't be able to challenge me intellectually. In my last relationship, I had that issue; I wasn't able to discuss matters important to me, as she did not find any interest in it, and wasn't able to see things from different perspectives and so on. And before you ask, I was able to discuss matters important to her  . I found this (read:her) a little boring, and this was a participating factor in me breaking up with her, but that's another story.

So what I'm asking for is basically ways to provoke forward "intelligence" in this new girl, just so I can see what I'm dealing with here  . 

Also, chatting frequently (seeing as I'm not at home right now) - good thing, right?


----------



## kchay

Frequent chatting is good. Always.

Just bring up topics that may interest you- I mean, I'd try get them talking about current events, or religion, or something that's bound to start a debate.

A good measure of intelligence is an ability to actually create and hold an argument.


----------



## Varcolac

cromaticas said:


> kissing a girls's hand:yay or nay?she's a friend I've known for a while (3 years or so) and I kinda like her.I've been thinking about saying hello to her this way,at least once.Opinions?



My honest opinion is that it's creepy. Greet 'em like you'd greet a real person, not some medieval princess (creepy creepy creepy).


----------



## BlackMastodon

^Someone had to say it.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Below is a post I just made on another forum, but I'd be interested in hearing you guys take on this. What youd do next, etc. Ima give this 24 hours of thought then just move on.

Let this be a lesson to you about INTERNET HOOKUPS. Would particularly love to hear Randy and JohnIce's stance. ANYONE feel free to reply by inbox about this so I'll be more likely to see it.



> Yo, feel free to throw in ya take on this
> 
> So when I was like 12 (Im 20) I met some girl on Myspace who musta been 10 (shes 18 now) who added me. Idk I think that's how it went, It was a while ago. Anyway we were always talking on AIM and just this weekend I happened to be in her state (NY) but not near the city where she is. So she and I still talk on FB alot and she's all kinds of ....ed up now with daddy issues out the ASS. Anyway she convinces me to pay the 21$ (each way) to come down and tells me all this sexual shit shes always wanted to do with me and sends me all these pics. Wateva, Ill do it, I was just hangin with my family anyway. So her friend who I used to talk to too is with us and she has a guy who she hooks up with alot too. Cool.
> 
> This is where I get SCREWED. And not the way I wanted.
> 
> We got a bottle of liquor and go back to this girls apartment, but the one girls dude leaves... Okay whateva. The one girl then decides there's no reason for her to drink... which makes the girl I went to see want to not really drink either, and instead now have to worry about this third wheel. They both go change into just t-shirts and come back out, and Im cuddling with the one girl when her friend wants to talk to her in privacy. The friend does NOT want her hooking up with me in her presence cause its "Awkward" and the apartment is some ghetto 2x2 ....ing box in the hoods of NY so theres not many places she can go. Why she didnt just f'in leave IDK. Supposedly she couldnt just up and walk home at midnight due to strict parents. So anyway the girl tells me to just wait for her friend to fall asleep... and the friend DOESNT FREAKING SLEEP ALL NIGHT so they go on the balcony and have this convo where the girls like "I want to sleep with this dude you can sleep in my room we'll go on the couch I only get to see him this one time" and the friend is NOT HAVING IT. Shit I would have been down to bang both but they werent comfortable with that...
> 
> So the next morning EARLY the girl gets a text from her mom saying she'll be home early so we have to rush out... we hang in the city but obviously we cant hook up there. Then I had to get on my damn bus and leave. The girl texts me like how she wants me and if the friend wasnt there it'd have gone down, and "next time". Im thinkin SCREW THAT!!! There is no next time!! She blew it!!!! So damn lame.
> 
> I am tempted to never talk to this girl again but she is GORGEOUS and a sexual freak. But seriously I am not going on a 3 hour bus ride and dropping cash just to have her give me the .... around!!!! Am I wrong in thinking that way? Obviously if we were just meeting as friends or without expectations I wouldnt care, but this girl LURED ME OUT WITH SEX. And also the entirety of the night was devoted to postponing sexual activity, so it's not like we had fun doing other stuff.
> 
> The girl is also really messed up up, shes obsessed with violent images of brutal deaths and shit, and said she doesnt like cuddling at all even though shes like a sexual freak (even though we cuddled).
> 
> Ive also considered that the girl used the friend as an excuse to not .... but I spied on their convo and she was like "I really want to sleep with him please let me" and shit and the friend was being a bitch. I theorize that the friend was into me too actually but she has a BF



I understand how this might be viewed as me being misogynistic, but it really has to do with self respect. This has to do with the fact that I was led out there for a very clear purpose and ended up just being messed around with.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Tell her "next time, there better be no friend" or just don't be the first to initiate contact anymore.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

UnderTheSign said:


> Tell her "next time, there better be no friend" or just don't be the first to initiate contact anymore.



I ended up rationalizing over night that there is no ....in point!! I been dating a girl here a bit whos is 10x more worthy and who I aint been making an effort for at ALL and this is a sign to do that  ty though


----------



## glassmoon0fo

I wouldn't get so emotional about it first off. Shit like that happens all the time, accidental and otherwise. Sounds like she was DTF but she chose a friend over a random myspace hookup. No surprises there. And though it ended up to be a huge waste of time, going anywhere under the pretense of guaranteed sex is never a good idea because A) women know that's a lot of mens' most glaring weakness and will use it to exploit you (not what she seems to have done, but good to keep in mind for future reference) and B) Sex as a POSSIBILITY is far more inticing for a woman than sex as the focus, Ida treated it like the backup plan lol. I actually had a girl do something very similar to me a few years ago, and I was a little pissed afterwards too, but really I had to take responsibility for my own part in it. It's not like women are pussy despensers, where you put in "traveled 3 hours to give you my seed" and sex pops out 

She sounds way too young to be that ....ed up anyway, chalk up the loss and move on bro


----------



## Konfyouzd

Date 2 = success... I think I found a keeper. Now to actually get her.


----------



## Konfyouzd

"...10x more worthy..." damn...


----------



## Negav

Guys I nee help. I like this girl in college and I don't know what to do. Here's my story. When I was about to start college I took a pre-quemistry course I was invited to since I'm studying to be a chemist. Well That's where I first saw her. We didn't talk since we were in different groups in the classroom (professor wanted students to "break the ice" by being in groups). Since then she caught my attention, by then it was slight. As time went on we met again in chemistry class. This time the professor wanted us to work in groups to solve some problems. We ended up in the same groups. We didn't talk ( again ) , we just responded to the answers we ( there was a third person ) had. I was intrigued by her. The interest grew. One day as I was walking down the hall to chemistry class I was her sitting with another girl. I don't know how I approached her and said " hello, gave her a kiss on the cheek (that's how we say hello guy-girl, and girl-girl, in my country, guy-guy is handshake) and said do you remember my name. She didn't remember and I told her my name and said something and left to class. Then one day she was in the library and my balls decided to drop again. She was studying for the chemistry test so I decided to join her. We talked for a while. She told me about her interests, i made semi-awkwards questions since I don't know how to talk to women ( I was from 9th grade to 12th grade in a all male private school and I have always been shy ). We talked studied and walked together to the exam. After the exam we had a short talk about it and she left. One day I passed by her when i was going to have lunch and she was on the phone, she said "hey" i said hello and she said "i'll talk to you later" and I replied "alright we'll talk before class. We couldn't but when I was outside and she was going to leave when she said bye I said "we need to talk, we couldn't" she looked somehow confused/surprised/happy and said yeah remember me tomorrow. The next day we talked casually. One day my balls became of steel. I was walking around and I saw her walking towards me to some place I passed by, I was like "hey, how are you, what are you doing here" and she said she was going to go somewhere to enroll in some classes for the next semester and I said "mind if i go with you" she said yes. after that we went to the library and she was going to meet her sister, they were going to eat and she invited me with them, I said "nah i'm good i'll stay here to enroll on some classes" that line still haunts me to this day, she looked a bit disappointed. After that I kinda ....ed up. I just started getting nervous whenever I talked to her, thus having short awkward conversations and leaving afterwards. My balls grew a bit one day when I told her she looked beautiful with curly hair, the next day she came with curly hair. Eventually I ....ed up. I don't know if she likes me because well I don't know. At times she smiles to me but at times she gives me this "wtf do you want looks" maybe I've misinterpreted them maybe i'm right. I don't know what to do. I'll start second year in college in august and I am wondering...what If I should back off. We haven't talked since summer school ( this summer, awkward conversations example: "hi" "how are you" "what are you doing" "oh nice, well i wont interrupt" "bye"). I find myself thinking about her seeing videos, suddenly things remind me of her. But I can't help to think...what If I lost her, what if she's not interested in me anymore...Please guys help me. I need all the advise I can get. And sorry if this is too long, I just needed to let it all out.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^ Kinda sounds like you got it, man... 

You're just being self conscious...


----------



## flo

Negav said:


> Guys I nee help. [...]



Well if you really like her, why not ask her out for a date and see what happens? I know this takes some courage, but I'm sure you'll manage. Just ask her if she wants to join you to see a movie/ go to art gallery/ dinner/... and don't faint if she says yes. 
Girls want guys who know what (or who  ) they want, don't make her have to guess.


----------



## Konfyouzd

In other words sometimes you just gotta take it... Wait...


----------



## wat

Guys, keeping up with the main girls I'm currently seeing on the reg is becoming really draining! 

There is one in lakeland, tampa and St. Pete so I can almost always get laid  but talking to all of them on text/facebook and keeping up with them is so much to handle! 

And my best bro's birthday party is coming up and I never know which girl I should bring to these kinds of things. They also all know some of the same people 

Gahhh, keeping up with these hot chicks wears on a man


----------



## Konfyouzd

Non-friend-zone problems... 

I usually pick one I like and just kinda stop talking to the others. I imagine they're doing that to me too. Revelation: when getting a taste of your own medicine it's often at least a little bitter.


----------



## Murmel

I only have 1 girl I want. I really should just give the .... up on her, now after almost 3 years, but I won't. She's my best friend too, so it would suck double time giving up.
I do however still talk to other girls a lot, but I think it's mostly because I enjoy talking to girls more than guys, I'm not emotionally attracted to them.

It would be really hard for me to have a girl who couldn't take me talking to other girls. I don't flirt around, I just like having a chat.


----------



## vinniemallet

Don't bring any girl if people in the party know all the girls you're texting /talking hahaha



wat said:


> Guys, keeping up with the main girls I'm currently seeing on the reg is becoming really draining!
> 
> There is one in lakeland, tampa and St. Pete so I can almost always get laid  but talking to all of them on text/facebook and keeping up with them is so much to handle!
> 
> And my best bro's birthday party is coming up and I never know which girl I should bring to these kinds of things. They also all know some of the same people
> 
> Gahhh, keeping up with these hot chicks wears on a man


----------



## RevelGTR

Dude, if she's your best friend, and you've been trying for three years, I think it might be time to look at other options. You don't have to give her the dramatic "I'm cutting all ties with you" thing, but hang out with other people, go on a date or two, save up for that new piece of gear you want, and you'll be over her in no time.


----------



## Murmel

Had she been single all these years I would've given up, but she hasn't so I guess I still see some kind of opportunity should it end. Technically I haven't been trying, but she knows very well how I feel and I know she likes me very much too.
I'm not miserable anymore, I used to be crushed about it. Since we quit school a month or so ago I don't have to see her and her bf every day which makes life easier.

I thought I had another girl going, but then apparently one of my other friends and her were already at it without my knowing so that effed itself up. In retrospect, I realize it weren't any serious feelings anyway, I still had them for my friend.

We're gonna go to different parts of the country very soon to go to school for a year and won't be seeing eachother much. That, combined with meeting new people might do something, we'll see.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Call it impatience, paranoia or what-have-you but even though I really like that chick I went out w last week and plan to again this week (fingers crossed), I also think I tend to hit a chick up *too* much when I'm interested. So--counterintuitive as it may seem--I put my original craigslist ad back up. 

Four bites:
-Single black mother of three. Seems very normal. 
-Sexy ass TA w excellent T&A. Skeptical as to how "real" this one is...
-Chick who messages me to send her a pic and said she was basically just looking for the D. 
-Chick named Iris that just moved here from a "small town" told me to give her a call. Will be doing that...
-Asian chick w terrible English grammar that says she wants to get to know me because I'm black. 

Wait I might not be able to count...

EDIT: Asian girl is kinda fine and seems obsessed with black men... Not sure why... Hope I don't get cut up into little pieces...


----------



## Mexi

I thought I'd try a first and put a fun craigslist ad about being a young guy wanting to experiment (WAY too broad). I got something like 30 emails full of abs and dick pics less than a day later. Perhaps, I underestimated the degeneracy of the average person trolling the internet for strange .

On another note, I thought about calling the girl I hooked up with a little over a month ago. things ended pretty awkwardly at the time and I said that we should take a break and come at it in a few weeks with a clean slate, when things aren't weird (though she never replied to that text). She has zero interest in a relationship and we had instant sexual chemistry when we met. I'm just not sure whether she'd be interested still at this point, but I figure I'd give her a call sooner rather than later. If she's into it, awesome. If not, then I'll just move on. I've got a research assistant post through the summer/fall and there is no lack of university girls willing to meet guys so I think I might have to keep my libido on ice until then.


----------



## Murmel

Konfyouzd said:


> EDIT: Asian girl is kinda fine and seems obsessed with black men... Not sure why... Hope I don't get cut up into little pieces...





Is she from Japan? I've heard they're pretty fascinated, but at the same time scared of black men there.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Chinese. I hear there's a slight fascination there as well. Whatever the case, I'm down until she seem dangerous... 

The funny thing about these women is that the two women I seem to get along with best out of the ones I've been meeting are A) both foreign and B) have the same name...


----------



## Church2224

Went to a restaurant with some friends last night and one of the waitresses who I have not seen since about April saw me and ran up and hugged me. Oddly enouch, she has never been a waitress for my table there, but every time I come there her and I talk for a while. Last time I saw her she was dating this guy who used to work there but she is single now. We had a great convo and we hugged good bye. I was surprised she noticed me. My buddy says it seemed like she was into me and I was a little drunk so I do not think I picked up on too much. Really beautiful girl too, and really smart. 

Thinking about going back to ask her out. As for any other women, two I am still on the fence on and another is interested in this MMA fighter.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Konfyouzd said:


> EDIT: Asian girl is kinda fine and seems obsessed with black men... Not sure why... Hope I don't get cut up into little pieces...


Well I think it's pretty obvious, man.


----------



## blaaargh

So I basically broke up with my gf of 2 1/2 years last night. We'd been doing the long distance thing for about a year now, and it wasn't working for either of us. She's got a lot of shit that she needs to sort out for herself, and she needs someone who can be there for her and be supportive, which I can't do if I'm 2-3 hours away and no car. I was starting to resent her because of all this, and it was just really unhealthy for both of us. Despite the fact that we both still have a lot of feelings for each other, it was a clean break, without any hurt feelings from either side. We'll probably still continue to see each other every once in a while, just not in a "dating" frame. Honestly this was probably the only thing that could save our relationship, since the pressure of a committed ldr was just too much for both of us. I still haven't quite processed it all yet, and I'm not sure what this means for us in the time to come, but I'm pretty sure it's the best decision for both of us. That doesn't mean it wasn't hard, or that I don't wish things were different, but I'll live.


----------



## Konfyouzd

BlackMastodon said:


> Well I think it's pretty obvious, man.




Well what's funny is she's talking to me now about her last bf... She says he's the reason she started liking black guys in the first place and all I could think was... "Dude wore that ass OUT..." 

She says she's only dated Chinese guys before that.


----------



## Blitzie

blaaargh said:


> So I basically broke up with my gf of 2 1/2 years last night. We'd been doing the long distance thing for about a year now, and it wasn't working for either of us. She's got a lot of shit that she needs to sort out for herself, and she needs someone who can be there for her and be supportive, which I can't do if I'm 2-3 hours away and no car. I was starting to resent her because of all this, and it was just really unhealthy for both of us. Despite the fact that we both still have a lot of feelings for each other, it was a clean break, without any hurt feelings from either side. We'll probably still continue to see each other every once in a while, just not in a "dating" frame. Honestly this was probably the only thing that could save our relationship, since the pressure of a committed ldr was just too much for both of us. I still haven't quite processed it all yet, and I'm not sure what this means for us in the time to come, but I'm pretty sure it's the best decision for both of us. That doesn't mean it wasn't hard, or that I don't wish things were different, but I'll live.



Definitely the way to go, mang. Good on ya.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Good date is good. Shopping for vinyl and cult/horror films followed by a looooong sitting at a specialty beer café. Met up at 12:30, kissed goodbye ad 23:45. Her words "Woah. Unexpected... But I'm not complaining"


----------



## Konfyouzd

This page is much happier than the last.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Date with Chinese chick was pretty awesome. She seemed very obviously self conscious of her grasp on the English language, but after a while she seemed to loosen up a bit. She's a ....in' nerd and I love it. And she also beat my ass in pool like 4x in a row... 

We'll see how this goes...


----------



## Despised_0515

Went to a kickback the other night without any expectations. It was all very last minute.
The ratio was terrible. Four dudes, two girls. I decided I'd just enjoy myself while we all played drinking games and I didn't make a move on either of the girls.

Even though I pretty much just cracked jokes and got probably the most drunk out of everyone and passed out, one of the girls seemed to take interest in the me the next day. Basically, we're talking now and it seems like this is a mutual hit-n-quit on the way. I'm taking her to our show this weekend and there's ALWAYS an after-party.

I'll keep you guys updated.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^


----------



## blaaargh

Blitzie said:


> Definitely the way to go, mang. Good on ya.



Well, things have taken an extremely unpleasant turn for the worse since my last post. I made a standard angsty post-breakup lyric fb post, and somehow she took it to mean I was trying to put the blame for the breakup on her (which I totally wasnt) and sent me a series of long angry messages about how I'd never cared about her and I was just using her for sex the whole time . I'm still working on damage control but I think I've gotten through the worst of it, and hopefully we can still come out of this as friends.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

So things with that chick have seemed to stop randomly, its really hard to talk to her now..

But..

Last night my mate I hadn't seen in a while came and picked me up and we hung out with some chicks we know who have recently become single... Needles to say I crashed the night there and hooked up with one of them who may have a lil thing for me.. 
....ing weird going from zero female activity to almost having two on the go at once..


----------



## Despised_0515

Went swimming with some friends and I invited that one chick.
I DO NOT REMEMBER HER LOOKING ALL THAT BAD.

Alcohol, man. 

NEXT!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Hmm... The chick from last week doesn't respond when I hit her up anymore... She might just be kinda busy, but this scenario smells familiar... We'll see...

But if I'm right that sucks...

Come to think of it, despite how awesome the date went yesterday, I feel like I'm probably not going to hear from that one anymore either. I've found that women are always super positive afterwards like they're scared to be honest w/ people they don't know or something. 

Whatever the case, I've removed their numbers from my phone just in case so I can't hit them up on impulse... It's up to them at this point. And I've also put up a new peronal ad... Maybe I'll get me a new batch...

Made sure to include a "Don't waste my time clause"... Basically... I told all the "I just broke up with my bf 2 months ago and I'm looking to have fun," chicks to look somewhere else bc usually they just go out with you, flirt like crazy and then disappear the moment something else catches their eye... Naturally I put it a bit mroe eloquently than that, but the fact remains they don't seem to take it even slightly seriously... They just wanna play gf w/o being anyone's gf... I feel like that's some Deuce Bigalow shit and I shouldn't pay for that. 

It's a little weird that the chick I went out with last week was so positive about going on a second date, then after we went out just hung out at my house for 10+ hours... You'd think if she didn't dig me she'd have just left... So it's in the back of my mind that this *could* be a super busy week for her considering she works for her family, has to take care of her special needs sister and just started a new term in school. Trying to cut her some slack... Patience... Need me some of that...


----------



## texshred777

So how many webcam/hooker solicitations have you received? I hear this is common with that scene.


----------



## Konfyouzd

About a billion. And I don't think I'm going to continue talking to any of these actual women either. Something ab them after having some time away doesn't seem right... I'm gonna try other avenues.


----------



## texshred777

Probably a good idea. Not knocking it, I've had friends who hooked up with CL but plenty others who wound up frustrated with the never ending line of bullshit from hookers/webcam girls.

Not surprising really, when selling gear you get a million responses at first, but most of them scam offers.

(Forgive me if you mentioned it already, I don't come in this thread much anymore)-Have you tried any sites like POF? I know a few people who like it and got decent results.


----------



## Konfyouzd

POF is full a women that don't know what they want. Honestly, none of these sites strike me as particularly different from one another. The same women I meet on Craigslist are probably on POF and OKCupid too. 

What I seem to find is a bunch young women w children, women desperate for marriage, women overly impressed w themselves for being employed and/or paying rent and women that are very obviously playing the field and more concerned w options than longevity because one man was bad to them so they feel justified in using ppl. 

All women can't be this way so there's more than likely something about me I need to work on before I find someone I can actually work with. 

That or I simply need to stop looking and wait. The search feels a lot like sifting through the bargain movie bin at Walmart. Most of em are the same old shit you've seen too many times and don't particularly care for but at the VERY bottom there's that one you were hoping they'd have.


----------



## texshred777

Konfyouzd said:


> POF is full a women that don't know what they want. Honestly, none of these sites strike me as particularly different from one another. The same women I meet on Craigslist are probably on POF and OKCupid too.
> 
> What I seem to find is a bunch young women w children, women desperate for marriage, women overly impressed w themselves for being employed and/or paying rent and women that are very obviously playing the field and more concerned w options than longevity because one man was bad to them so they feel justified in using ppl.
> 
> All women can't be this way so there's more than likely something about me I need to work on before I find someone I can actually work with.
> 
> That or I simply need to stop looking and wait. The search feels a lot like sifting through the bargain movie bin at Walmart. Most of em are the same old shit you've seen too many times and don't particularly care for but at the VERY bottom there's that one you were hoping they'd have.


 
A woman who doesn't know what they want? Noooooooooooo.

Until last night, I'd shied away from ever trying the online thing. Friends finally talked me in to trying it. So far not impressed, and agree that they all seem the same. I suppose they think being mildly attractive physically is enough. I suppose it usually is, to be fair. 

Don't have any real expectations with it, though. A date or two would be fun, though.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Well... There's a third one I haven't talked about much because clearly whenever I mention a chick it goes bad... "MAL DE OJO!!!!" 

But I've been talking to one via email only... The interesting thing is she's very very consistent with conversation and we talk almost daily. No matter what the subject we always seem to be able to view each other's opinions constructively and have a good chat about it.

She's the only one with whom I have NOT exchanged pictures... 

This is where I"m beginning to realize there's a little bit of shallow douchebag in me too... I worry that when and if we meet I'm gonna be like... Dammit... 

That's horrible...


----------



## Bekanor

I'm with you man, dating sites only seem to contain sluts, desperate uggos looking for a new baby daddy, head cases, girls who only want to stuff around as many men as possible as some kind of payback for that one guy that hurt them, and some insanely gorgeous women with ....ed up standards. 

I met my FWB girl on a site but so far she's the only one of about 20 women I've been out with in the last 18 months that hasn't been a total disappointment in one way or another, and even she raises a bunch of red flags (though I don't have to deal with them because we're not serious).

At the end of the day it's just another meat market, and so it's the juiced up douchebro contingent that has all the success, while anyone with personal depth just has to be conservative with their standards and pick through the leftovers, all the while hoping you don't end up with a stalker (this almost happened to me, shouldn't have ....ed her).


----------



## texshred777

Konfyouzd said:


> Well... There's a third one I haven't talked about much because clearly whenever I mention a chick it goes bad... "MAL DE OJO!!!!"
> 
> But I've been talking to one via email only... The interesting thing is she's very very consistent with conversation and we talk almost daily. No matter what the subject we always seem to be able to view each other's opinions constructively and have a good chat about it.
> 
> She's the only one with whom I have NOT exchanged pictures...
> 
> This is where I"m beginning to realize there's a little bit of shallow douchebag in me too... I worry that when and if we meet I'm gonna be like... Dammit...
> 
> That's horrible...


 
I don't think it's shallow or douchebaggy in the least. Assuming it's someone you want more than an orgasm with, it's hard to imagine a working romantic relationship with someone you're not attracted to. A person may grow on you, and the chemistry might be there and attraction may develop..but I wouldn't want to know my chick used to cringe when she saw me.


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## JTL

incinerated_guitar said:


> I think this may actually be my first post in this thread. To sum it up, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years left me today (or yesterday technically) over text. She didn't waste anytime either, it was as soon as she woke up that she decided that we need to part ways. I knew this was coming, and I even told her saturday that I really felt like she was gonna leave me soon. She then told me she won't, which is a total lie because it wasnt even 24 hours later that she left me. We've been going through a rough patch lately, after a LONG period of smooth sailing that I was really enjoying. She says its my attitude that made her leave. I guess I'm just too short tempered for her  It sucks, but I'm surrounding myself with friends to help keep it from getting to me. All of my friends were totally shocked, I guess. I'm trying to look at the bright sides though. I'm about to start college next month, at a school full of VERY willing women  As well as this just gives me more time to focus on schooling and my band. But damn, it already feels different not having someone to talk to all day :/




Funny how college is a month away... sounds like she wanted to be available. that is... if shes going to college. This type of thing happens ALL the time. Luckily im the guy that lives on campus of a major university


----------



## Konfyouzd

We exchanged pics... 

Time to start meeting chicks at farmers markets or something... Dating is not a pleasant experience...


----------



## Murmel

I'm sorry for the lulz, Konfyouzd, but your love life seems like a sit-com somtimes


----------



## Konfyouzd

Yuuuuup...


----------



## flint757

Konfyouzd said:


> We exchanged pics...
> 
> Time to start meeting chicks at farmers markets or something... Dating is not a pleasant experience...



So I take it she was super ugly then.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Not super ugly... But let's just say I'm now less interested...


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Apparently my girl plays Pokémon. I'm already imagining the altar.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Sweeeeeet

My girl plays pocket pull... Both of them.


----------



## Church2224

Church2224 said:


> Went to a restaurant with some friends last night and one of the waitresses who I have not seen since about April saw me and ran up and hugged me. Oddly enouch, she has never been a waitress for my table there, but every time I come there her and I talk for a while. Last time I saw her she was dating this guy who used to work there but she is single now. We had a great convo and we hugged good bye. I was surprised she noticed me. My buddy says it seemed like she was into me and I was a little drunk so I do not think I picked up on too much. Really beautiful girl too, and really smart.
> 
> Thinking about going back to ask her out. As for any other women, two I am still on the fence on and another is interested in this MMA fighter.



Well I went back to see her, sat at the bar and the same thing happened. When she had to go the first time she put her hand on my arm and told me she would be back. Well she came back and I asked her out, got her number and looks like we will be making plans 

I am back in the game!


----------



## piggins411

Church2224 said:


> Well I went back to see her, sat at the bar and the same thing happened. When she had to go the first time she put her hand on my arm and told me she would be back. Well she came back and I asked her out, got her number and looks like we will be making plans
> 
> I am back in the game!




YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH


----------



## Shredderboy1658

so this chick i thought i really liked called me an alcoholic cause i like beer. now to most guys, that alone is crossing the line..
but she kept going.. where is her common sense? nobody may know.
now 15 minutes after she calls me an alcoholic, she calls me a devil worshiper cause i showed her some lyrics from Reign of Darkness by Thy Art Is Murder.
.... THAT BITCH


----------



## Church2224

Shredderboy1658 said:


> so this chick i thought i really liked called me an alcoholic cause i like beer. now to most guys, that alone is crossing the line..
> but she kept going.. where is her common sense? nobody may know.
> now 15 minutes after she calls me an alcoholic, she calls me a devil worshiper cause i showed her some lyrics from Reign of Darkness by Thy Art Is Murder.
> .... THAT BITCH



Dude I once got called an alcoholic by a girl who is dating a pot head. To hell with those type of women.


----------



## straightshreddd

Church2224 said:


> Dude I once got called an alcoholic by a girl who is dating a pot head. To hell with those type of women.



The chick whom I mentioned in a post a few pages back told me I drink and smoke weed too much. (I have a few beers a day throughout the week and go all out on the weekends and maybe a jay or a couple rips off the piece a day. Very casual with it. No drugs or anything like that either.)

When we would hang out in public around people, she would love to boast about how she drinks every day and how much she loves doing molly and how everyone in the world should do molly. (She did molly three times and admitted to me in private that two of the times were very bad experiences. She also once drank two 12 oz long islands and was shitfaced hammered.)



Some chicks make me shake my head, forreal.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Epic twist... 

Thought the Chinese girl was definitely not going to talk to me again. Hit me up to tell me "happy Friday".

We talk later in the night and it comes out that she has worries about dating a black man because she doesn't think her parents would want her to marry one. Interesting... Just looking for the D?! Perhaps, but I digress... 

We proceed to discuss "cultures" and "you don't understand this" and "you don't understand that" to find--lo and be hold--we're not that different as far as what our parents expect. Go funkin' figure... 

At any rate I managed to keep my cool through it all and managed to convince her to go out w me AGAIN.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

hurry up and seduce that saucy Asian wench already, SHE READY.


----------



## Konfyouzd

So it seems...


----------



## BlackMastodon

So Thursday night I got absolutely shitfaced downtown for basically an end of Engineering program celebration (even though I'm not gonna be done til December). Tried to get with one girl in a different engineering discipline that I see and talk to every now and then. Even f***ing carried her from the bar to the hotel that everyone was staying at (like, 7 blocks I would say) and didn't get a goddamn thing outta her so I said f*** that.

Later at a different bar, I saw a girl I went to high school with that I run into every now and then who I would absolutely love to give the D to. We did a shot and talked a bit but shortly after she went back to her friend and some other guys. Basically just got a drink outta me and didn't want anything else.

I hammered back my beer after that and said f*** it, I'm pissed off as hell and hammered beyond belief: it's time for bed. Today was also my birthday, so that added to the piss off. I stormed outta the bar and met a couple friends on the street. When I talked to them today they said I was ranting the entire way back to the hotel about how the women in our town suck and how I wanna move the hell away as soon as possible. Not the first time I've drunkenly made this rant. 

Anyway, fast forward to later tonight: my ex who I am still good friends with hits me up and asks if I want to hang out. The last couple of days when we talk she threw in a bit of blatant flirting but would quickly say 'jk lol.' But today she made it pretty clear that she wanted to fool around. She's been back in town about a month and we already had sex once since but I figured it would kind of be a one time thing just to release some sexual tension. 

I can safely say that it was a pretty good birthday.


----------



## texshred777

Church2224 said:


> Dude I once got called an alcoholic by a girl who is dating a pot head. To hell with those type of women.



Awesome, Kevin! 

Glad you took the plunge sooner rather than later, bro.


----------



## Church2224

texshred777 said:


> Awesome, Kevin!
> 
> Glad you took the plunge sooner rather than later, bro.



Haha thanks man! I know I had to take my chances soon or else. 

Also my friend is going to try to hook me up with this gorgeous blonde she knows....oh gawd this is going to be interesting.


----------



## Wrecklyss

Ive got one for you, sso community: does anyone have some experience on how deployment affects new relationships? I met a very beautiful, very smart, very sweet girl my own age (I usually have looked for younger women) and things are going good, but in just a couple of months I'm going to Afghanistan. Originally it was to be a 9 month deployment, but there has been talk of extending it to 12 or 15 months. I guess this will be the test of how strong our relationship really is, but I really want this to work in a situation where I can't make promises. I have no idea when I can call or skype, in many cases may not be able to talk about what's going on, probably won't be able to help in any way if any kind of problem develops at home, and I'm sure there's all kinds of other issues I won't be able to predict until they arrise.

Does anyone here have first hand experience with the toll of deployment on relationships and what we might be able to do to give ourselves every opportunity to succeed as a couple?


----------



## UnderTheSign

My Saturday night (which lasted from 8pm til 6am...): absinthe and cult movies. And lots of sweaty activity. Yep, feels good.


----------



## Kemra

<post removed>


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Bang Buddy update: 

so this girl seems like she is into me. she denies that i'm what she is looking for, but has continued to ask me where i think this is going. so a few nights back she and i are lying in my bed and she tells me that she doesn't know what to do with me, i make the obvious rude joke and then she clarifies saying she really doesnt know whether or not to date me. 

fast forward to yesterday, im hanging out with her while she is babysitting her 17 month old niece (who is the most adorable kid ever.. like i seriously dont get mushy over children but this little girl stole my heart)... 

anywho, i meet her aunt that same day we're babysitting and we get to have a nice talk, and later i got to meet her older sister and brother-in-law when we dropped their kid off, and for the first time spent a minute or two with her parents outside of me just coming over. 

well i leave kinda bummed because i was all vulnerable after having been around the baby all day, and my nice guy sentimental side was coming out and getting me all down because she doesn't want to be in a relationship and blah blah.. so i stop by the pub to grab a few beers to kill the nice guy and provide fuel to the jackass inside of me to carry me out of the funk. all systems go until i get a txt from her.. 

"my family is trying to talk me into dating you..." 

so i tell her its because im actually a good catch that they like me.. 

so instead of brushing it off like she had before, she acknowledged that i am an amazing person to be around and that i was "the best" around her niece and liked that i enjoyed her so much (the little girl is kind of the family's pride and joy). 

so let's see where this takes me


----------



## tacotiklah

I'm starting to think that dating other girls is a better option for me. Guys are dicks to me for whatever reason. The nice guys aren't interested in me and the assholes that are interested are, well... assholes. 

I know of at least 3 girls that if they lived closer would totally go for me. I had to tell another one no because she's underage. (she's sweet, but I was like nope nope nope nope)

Weird how when I'm trying to find a guy to date, girls hit me up often. When I start chasing the girls, the guys come out of the woodwork. This bi thing is confusing as hell.


----------



## Mexi

so the girl I hooked up with a month ago drunkenly texted me a couple days ago, being all "hey what's up". I had sorta written our original encounter off as an awkward hookup, never to be heard from again, but we recently just started talking after that. she said she was drunk and didn't remember texting (usually a lie 80% of the time) but we've just been telling a few drunk stories to one another and just talking about relationships.

She was saying how I was spot on about this and that about relationships and that she wished that "she had me in her pocket for her next dating experience" so I think this girl is still pretty interested, so I think I'll go for it. see where it goes


----------



## Konfyouzd

Or she's fulla shit... To hell with being in some bitch's "pocket for her next dating experience". DATE THESE... 

She does it when she's drunk. Chances are it's also when she's feeling bad about some other guy she's really still stuck on...


----------



## Mexi

very much a possibility! but with nothing else on my plate, and honestly dealing with other personal stuff atm, I'm not looking for anything serious. I'll wait and see what she's looking for, not just gonna bend over for BS. I'm past that point lol


----------



## sniperfreak223

ghstofperdition said:


> I'm starting to think that dating other girls is a better option for me. Guys are dicks to me for whatever reason. The nice guys aren't interested in me and the assholes that are interested are, well... assholes.
> 
> I know of at least 3 girls that if they lived closer would totally go for me. I had to tell another one no because she's underage. (she's sweet, but I was like nope nope nope nope)
> 
> Weird how when I'm trying to find a guy to date, girls hit me up often. When I start chasing the girls, the guys come out of the woodwork. This bi thing is confusing as hell.



Not all guys are dicks,just like not all women are bitches, it just takes time, determination, and patience to find a good one. They are a lot scarcer today than they used to be, thanks to a general moral deterioration in this country.

As to the interest thing, with girls, it might just be jealousy, and with guys, well, we all secretly love lesbians.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Everyone thnks everyone's an asshole so nothing gets done... 

@Jess - I agree with your solution... Pick one you greedy bitch...


----------



## Negav

Negav said:


> Guys I nee help. I like this girl in college and I don't know what to do. Here's my story. When I was about to start college I took a pre-quemistry course I was invited to since I'm studying to be a chemist. Well That's where I first saw her. We didn't talk since we were in different groups in the classroom (professor wanted students to "break the ice" by being in groups). Since then she caught my attention, by then it was slight. As time went on we met again in chemistry class. This time the professor wanted us to work in groups to solve some problems. We ended up in the same groups. We didn't talk ( again ) , we just responded to the answers we ( there was a third person ) had. I was intrigued by her. The interest grew. One day as I was walking down the hall to chemistry class I was her sitting with another girl. I don't know how I approached her and said " hello, gave her a kiss on the cheek (that's how we say hello guy-girl, and girl-girl, in my country, guy-guy is handshake) and said do you remember my name. She didn't remember and I told her my name and said something and left to class. Then one day she was in the library and my balls decided to drop again. She was studying for the chemistry test so I decided to join her. We talked for a while. She told me about her interests, i made semi-awkwards questions since I don't know how to talk to women ( I was from 9th grade to 12th grade in a all male private school and I have always been shy ). We talked studied and walked together to the exam. After the exam we had a short talk about it and she left. One day I passed by her when i was going to have lunch and she was on the phone, she said "hey" i said hello and she said "i'll talk to you later" and I replied "alright we'll talk before class. We couldn't but when I was outside and she was going to leave when she said bye I said "we need to talk, we couldn't" she looked somehow confused/surprised/happy and said yeah remember me tomorrow. The next day we talked casually. One day my balls became of steel. I was walking around and I saw her walking towards me to some place I passed by, I was like "hey, how are you, what are you doing here" and she said she was going to go somewhere to enroll in some classes for the next semester and I said "mind if i go with you" she said yes. after that we went to the library and she was going to meet her sister, they were going to eat and she invited me with them, I said "nah i'm good i'll stay here to enroll on some classes" that line still haunts me to this day, she looked a bit disappointed. After that I kinda ....ed up. I just started getting nervous whenever I talked to her, thus having short awkward conversations and leaving afterwards. My balls grew a bit one day when I told her she looked beautiful with curly hair, the next day she came with curly hair. Eventually I ....ed up. I don't know if she likes me because well I don't know. At times she smiles to me but at times she gives me this "wtf do you want looks" maybe I've misinterpreted them maybe i'm right. I don't know what to do. I'll start second year in college in august and I am wondering...what If I should back off. We haven't talked since summer school ( this summer, awkward conversations example: "hi" "how are you" "what are you doing" "oh nice, well i wont interrupt" "bye"). I find myself thinking about her seeing videos, suddenly things remind me of her. But I can't help to think...what If I lost her, what if she's not interested in me anymore...Please guys help me. I need all the advise I can get. And sorry if this is too long, I just needed to let it all out.


So I decided to invite her out, she said "I don't know". Well ..... Any comments?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Leave that alone... 

If she says "I don't know," or "I'll let you know," it's basically no, but she doesn't want you to hit her for saying no...


----------



## Negav

Konfyouzd said:


> Leave that alone...
> 
> If she says "I don't know," or "I'll let you know," it's basically no, but she doesn't want you to hit her for saying no...



Yeah just playing it cool. Somehow I'm cured. The instant she said idk I was in my mind like "ok...no interest, i'll assume its a no."


----------



## Konfyouzd

It'd be nice if they just spoke their mind though... Oh what a world that would be...


----------



## flint757

If I just spoke my mind all the time I'd lose a few friends.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I have lost a few friends as a result of doing so and in many cases I feel like I might be better off... Having large quantities of friends is overrated. I can count on one hand the number of people I've known in life that called themselves friends and actually fit the bill...


----------



## flint757

I have a friend who is a major conspiracy nut. That aside he is a great guy to hang with and is the kind of friend who'd take a bullet for you. If I spoke my mind fully on certain subjects I'm pretty sure he'd stop talking to me. 

Some things don't need to be said/talked about. I agree with the sentiment, but there are exceptions.


----------



## Negav

flint757 said:


> I have a friend who is a major conspiracy nut. That aside he is a great guy to hang with and is the kind of friend who'd take a bullet for you. If I spoke my mind fully on certain subjects I'm pretty sure he'd stop talking to me.
> 
> Some things don't need to be said/talked about. I agree with the sentiment, but there are exceptions.



You're right, but when it comes to dating people should be straight forward, that way if when asking something you say no instead of 'idk' the other person can move on.


----------



## flint757

Negav said:


> You're right, but when it comes to dating people should be straight forward, that way if when asking something you say no instead of 'idk' the other person can move on.



In this case absolutely.


----------



## texshred777

Yeah, a real friend can handle you calling them on their shit. We all need it periodically, and our friends aren't there to pad our delicate little egos.

On the subject of just speaking your mind in the dating world, the first girl I asked out after the divorce gave me the whole 'go out as friends' speech, which is of course no big deal..I can handle a no. 

I found it amusing, I hadn't asked a girl out in a decade and she was the one getting red in the face. Even more amusing was her starting to feel out the situation and asking a bunch of questions about my divorce (I came in with my son before, and have a ring finger tattoo, didn't spill my guts or give a life story  ). I don't know what happened there but it was cute.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^


----------



## BlackMastodon

Wrecklyss said:


> Ive got one for you, sso community: does anyone have some experience on how deployment affects new relationships? I met a very beautiful, very smart, very sweet girl my own age (I usually have looked for younger women) and things are going good, but in just a couple of months I'm going to Afghanistan. Originally it was to be a 9 month deployment, but there has been talk of extending it to 12 or 15 months. I guess this will be the test of how strong our relationship really is, but I really want this to work in a situation where I can't make promises. I have no idea when I can call or skype, in many cases may not be able to talk about what's going on, probably won't be able to help in any way if any kind of problem develops at home, and I'm sure there's all kinds of other issues I won't be able to predict until they arrise.
> 
> Does anyone here have first hand experience with the toll of deployment on relationships and what we might be able to do to give ourselves every opportunity to succeed as a couple?



I was hoping someone else would talk about this one but I guess I'll give it a go. Keep in mind I'm biased due to long distance killing my last relationship, but at the same time I don't know about how it works with deployment.

Honestly, there's a reason they say long distance doesn't work. It's one thing when you're a 3 hour drive apart and can see each other on weekends but when it's across the world it's very different. Time difference makes communication hard and it starts to deteriorate for the most part. If you're going away for longer than you guys have been dating that I would say talk to her about going on a break just so you guys don't feel pressured to keep up communication and don't feel guilty when you can't do it. If you guys really want to be together then just get back together when you get back.

It's tough but it's better you're aware of what may very well happen. It's a lot easier to be optimistic about it before you actually start being far apart; I know me and my ex were really optimistic and thought we would be able to do it without any problems but that just isn't the reality.

Best of luck to you, man.


----------



## tacotiklah

Konfyouzd said:


> Everyone thnks everyone's an asshole so nothing gets done...
> 
> @Jess - I agree with your solution... Pick one you greedy bitch...



Hey, I have a lot of love to give. 

It just seems like the typical thing where you find someone, but they live across the country. Then when you try dating local, you don't really find anyone. Can't win them all! 
I know I'll find somebody. I just kinda wish it were sooner rather than later.


----------



## Church2224

Train just keeps on rolling for me I guess. Went to a club with my friend and got depressed for a while seeing a lot of real pretty girls dancing, went outside to bum a smoke off of a guy and ran into this real hot girl out there. She saw me inside later, she approached me and we talked. Eventually we leaned in to kiss right when her friend broke us up. Later when she left she said "Well are you going to ask for my number?" Got that too.

Sorry to keep bragging, but ever since some bad events that took place recently I never thought I could get back out there with that much success, especially with really attractive women. Best advice I can give anyone is stand tall, be who you are and do not expect anything. Just be real. You might not attracted every woman out there, but you will attract the best ones for you.


----------



## sniperfreak223

I got a number from a lady I work with today. We had a conversation in the break room about calluses of all things(she thought hers were ugly, and I admitted that I found them sexy), I learned that she plays guitar and violin, and it immediately degenerated into nerding out about music. When she went back to work, she gave me her phone number and told me to "hit her up if I ever want to jam sometime".

This would be the most awesome thing ever to happen to me, if I didn't have a girlfriend...now I just feel dirty and guilty.


----------



## Konfyouzd

ghstofperdition said:


> Hey, I have a lot of love to give.
> 
> It just seems like the typical thing where you find someone, but they live across the country. Then when you try dating local, you don't really find anyone. Can't win them all!
> I know I'll find somebody. I just kinda wish it were sooner rather than later.



Oh that's how it works everywhere, eh? I've gotten messages from online dating sites from chicks in Washington and California as if I can do something with that all the way over here in DC... 

Local women are just kinda...


----------



## SevenStringSam

i think this is the longest lasting thread ive ever made..


----------



## Konfyouzd

sniperfreak223 said:


> I got a number from a lady I work with today. We had a conversation in the break room about calluses of all things(she thought hers were ugly, and I admitted that I found them sexy), I learned that she plays guitar and violin, and it immediately degenerated into nerding out about music. When she went back to work, she gave me her phone number and told me to "hit her up if I ever want to jam sometime".
> 
> This would be the most awesome thing ever to happen to me, if I didn't have a girlfriend...now I just feel dirty and guilty.



Friend zone that bitch...


----------



## SevenStringSam

make sure not to break her g string if you "jam" lol


----------



## Konfyouzd

... or do...

Send her home with something to remember you by...


----------



## SevenStringSam

and by that he means a baby in her stomach ._.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Dear god...


----------



## SevenStringSam

lol i love how every ad on this website is shpongle related from my history hahaha


----------



## tacotiklah

Konfyouzd said:


> ... or do...
> 
> Send her home with something to remember you by...



I think he means you should make your bulbasaur squirtle on her jigglypuffs.
Not sure though...


----------



## SevenStringSam

Squirtle use hydrocannon!


----------



## Konfyouzd

No longer talking to any of the women I was dating a week or two ago... 

All revealed themselves to be wastes of my time...

The one I went on a date with as a result of a school assignment... Well she ended up being more trouble than anything. She was kind of unresponsive the second wee after we went out despite spending pretty much ALL of Sunday at my house; she didn't leave untl 10PM. However, she spent the entire time sitting on the far opposite end of the couch from me with her purse sitting between us... Pretty obvious "DON'T TOUCH ME" body language... 

After not hearing from her all week pretty much or getting the "I'll let you know" type responses, she calls me at 6AM on Sunday morning... At first I assumed it was my alarm... Then when I saw it was her I assumed it was a pocket dial... 

I answered it anyway and it turns out she needs a ride... 

I did it anyway and the story she told me was worrysome to say the least; I'm not going to get into that. 

She then goes on to hang out at my house pretty much all day again because her car had gotten towed/impounded/something... And we had a really good time. She was a tad less awkward but still something didn't seem right... 

Later that night I asked her what she was looking to find when she answered my personal's ad (because to me she seemed to just be bullshitting). She told me she was looking for someone to hang out and party with... Hmm... Interesting considering she answered a romantic peronal ad. 

I took it to be bullshit she concocted to avoid saying she simply wasn't interested, but she also had a lot of things with her friends and at home that it seemed like she was trying to escape hence her staying at my place for so long with seemingly no interest in me... 

So I told her that it seemed she'd already had quite a few ppl with whom to do such things and that at the moment my stable of friends is at capacity... 

Over...

The Chinese girl... So weird...

She hit me up online and said that it was because I was black. I should have known from that moment she was going to be a strange one... That said, we met anyway and we had a relatively good time (I talked about it earlier in the thread) despite a slight language barrier. 

Later on that week she starts acting really weird and texting me strange shit about how she can't be with a black guy because her parents would never want her to marry one... She's 29 and her parents are halfway across the world in China... 

She then tells me that the reason her last boyfriend started "being mean to her" is because she expressed this to him... And so came the big long discussion I mentioned before about culture and yadda yadda... 

I got her to agree to go out on another date that night but it hasn't happened... Well actually it was supposed to be yesterday but I ended up haveing to go into the office and she had a job interview. Whatever the case, I've thought about it some and I don't think I wanna keep trying with that one either...

The third one I exchanged pics with... Well... We pretty much just email each other small talk now when we get bored... 



I also recently joined match.com for a month... I don't think I'll be renewing that. People always suggest it, but here's what I've gathered from it thus far:

It's the same as ANY other dating site... The difference I've noticed is that people have even higher standards seemingly becaue they paid and now feel entitiled to being loved by the person they've idealized in their mind. Pass...


----------



## RevelGTR

What about blackpeoplemeet.com?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Funk that...

I'm not gonna segregate myself by choice... I think folks in my age range just have unrealistic expectations--myself included at times... Which is probably why some feel the need to search for someone to be with on the internet... I find it hard to believe the, "I just don't have time for it in my real life..." If you don't have time to meet people in your real life how do you have the time to date and/or be with one regardless of how you met them? 

I might just go back to doing things the old fashioned way...

Stand on the corner and yell "Ay gu'l!" at ever attractive chick that walks by...


----------



## SevenStringSam

i got lucky and now im dating a sexy little scene girl who is the head tattoo artist at a parlor, WAS a virgin  but now shes almost as kinky as i am lol but besides the sex shes still pretty ....ing amazing


----------



## Bekanor

Konfyouzd said:


> Funk that...
> 
> I'm not gonna segregate myself by choice... I think folks in my age range just have unrealistic expectations--myself included at times... Which is probably why some feel the need to search for someone to be with on the internet... I find it hard to believe the, "I just don't have time for it in my real life..." If you don't have time to meet people in your real life how do you have the time to date and/or be with one regardless of how you met them?
> 
> I might just go back to doing things the old fashioned way...
> 
> Stand on the corner and yell "Ay gu'l!" at ever attractive chick that walks by...



The direct approach is good, might I suggest this tactic?

holler dating service - YouTube


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## MythicSquirrel

SevenStringSam said:


> i got lucky and now im dating a sexy little scene girl who is the head tattoo artist at a parlor, WAS a virgin  but now shes almost as kinky as i am lol but besides the sex shes still pretty ....ing amazing








Congrats tho


----------



## sniperfreak223

Well, once I finally enter a committed relationship, the ladies start coming out of the woodwork. Why, oh cruel fate, why? Where were these people for the last 10 months while I was still available?!?!


----------



## RevelGTR

^Women are like buffalo, they stampede.


----------



## texshred777

You don't have any signs of desperation(or actively seeking anything) is one thing. Then there's the ever present game that some women like to play(flirting with other people's men)..it's all about them though. Not about you in the least.


----------



## BlackMastodon

sniperfreak223 said:


> Well, once I finally enter a committed relationship, the ladies start coming out of the woodwork. Why, oh cruel fate, why? Where were these people for the last 10 months while I was still available?!?!


This basically happens to everyone as far as I've seen.


----------



## RevelGTR

I just saw a commercial for cougerlife.com, and according to the commercial, cougars have to pay for _your _drinks!


----------



## Konfyouzd

sniperfreak223 said:


> Well, once I finally enter a committed relationship, the ladies start coming out of the woodwork. Why, oh cruel fate, why? Where were these people for the last 10 months while I was still available?!?!



C'est la vie. The moment I'm so much as interested in a chick women start getting friendlier. It's a shitty situation but what's wrong w the one you have that you need to consider the other possibilities.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Have officially quite online dating... Its the same no matter what site you use... You either get spammed by cam girls in disguise or have to pay just to see what someone said to you. Mehh... Being single is less hassle...


----------



## Church2224

Well I tried texting the one girl I met the other night, no response. Sucks, she was real pretty.

But this girl....



Church2224 said:


> Well I went back to see her, sat at the bar and the same thing happened. When she had to go the first time she put her hand on my arm and told me she would be back. Well she came back and I asked her out, got her number and looks like we will be making plans
> 
> I am back in the game!



Texted her and it got real flrtly. We will be doing something soon, she just got back into town. Apparently she likes drunk rollerskating... Awesome. 

Also any texting advice to keep the attraction going ?


----------



## kchay

sniperfreak223 said:


> Well, once I finally enter a committed relationship, the ladies start coming out of the woodwork. Why, oh cruel fate, why? Where were these people for the last 10 months while I was still available?!?!



It's probably the fact that you seem more "desirable" when you're in a relationship. Forbidden fruit, I guess might be the term.
Guhhh


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Church2224 said:


> Well I tried texting the one girl I met the other night, no response. Sucks, she was real pretty.
> 
> But this girl....
> 
> 
> 
> Texted her and it got real flrtly. We will be doing something soon, she just got back into town. Apparently she likes drunk rollerskating... Awesome.
> 
> Also any texting advice to keep the attraction going ?



Bitches love smiley faces


----------



## -42-

Church2224 said:


> Also any texting advice to keep the attraction going ?



Yeah, don't flood her inbox.


----------



## SevenStringSam

ahem, two words. open relationship


----------



## Konfyouzd

Texting advice? That's how it works now?


----------



## Konfyouzd

kchay said:


> It's probably the fact that you seem more "desirable" when you're in a relationship. Forbidden fruit, I guess might be the term.
> Guhhh



Woman logic 101


----------



## MFB

Konfyouzd said:


> Texting advice? That's how it works now?



You know what they say, "Texting goeth before the sexting"


----------



## Konfyouzd

Why does no one take a direct approach w anything these days?

Put down the cell phone and pick up a wooden club.


----------



## SevenStringSam

well i didnt have a wooden club... but does a hookah hose work cause thats about how it happened lol


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Me and the miss, very happy on some gay ass festival. I'm the right one.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^


----------



## SevenStringSam

you two look happy as hell together! keep it up man!


and remember urination is a GREAT way to mark your territory to keep them damn dogs away!


----------



## Konfyouzd

SevenStringSam said:


> well i didnt have a wooden club... but does a hookah hose work cause thats about how it happened lol



That sounds kinda violent too...


----------



## SevenStringSam

Konfyouzd said:


> That sounds kinda violent too...



only kinda!! i was pulling the hose out of the base and it was stuck so when i pulled it out it flew back and hit her in the face... and thats how we met lol


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

SevenStringSam said:


> you two look happy as hell together! keep it up man!
> 
> 
> and remember urination is a GREAT way to mark your territory to keep them damn dogs away!



Well, we don't use condoms, does that count?


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## OzoneJunkie

-42- said:


> Yeah, don't flood her inbox.



unless you want a baby...


----------



## SevenStringSam

guy: AHH BABY THE MAIL MANS COMING
girl: oh baby fill my inbox!


----------



## Church2224

Hahaha Nah I just been texting her every few days or so, and she has been pretty responsive. This time it seems to be working. Here is to hoping this turns into something.


----------



## UnderTheSign

YJGB said:


> Well, we don't use condoms, does that count?


If that was this weekend, we might've attended the same fest...


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

UnderTheSign said:


> If that was this weekend, we might've attended the same fest...



Castlefest?


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Okey dokey guys. About two weeks ago my (now ex) girlfriend and I split. She claims to "not know what she feels" and that she "just wants to be single for a while", both of which sound like complete and utter bullshit. I gave everything to this girl and she just shrugged it off like nothing. And she wont stop trying to ....ing talk to me. God damnit women are stupid.

No real conversation here I guess. Just venting.


----------



## SevenStringSam

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Okey dokey guys. About two weeks ago my (now ex) girlfriend and I split. She claims to "not know what she feels" and that she "just wants to be single for a while", both of which sound like complete and utter bullshit. I gave everything to this girl and she just shrugged it off like nothing. And she wont stop trying to ....ing talk to me. God damnit women are stupid.
> 
> No real conversation here I guess. Just venting.



brutal man, but not knowing what she wants? sounds like shes about to hit that lesbo phase most girls hit in their life at some point. look at it this way, without you if she fails horridly at life youll just know that you were a factor in preventing that and that you will go to someone much better


----------



## blaaargh

That happens in every relationship at some point, so I wouldn't rule out her explanation offhand. In fact, that was a big factor in my recent breakup (from my end though, not hers). However, if she truly doesn't know how she feels I'd imagine she'd want space, and not be always trying to talk to you. From that angle, it sorta seems like she's just saying that to avoid hurting you, though maybe talking to you is her way of trying to figure out her emotions. In the end though, there's nothing you can really do besides try to be understanding and listen. Maybe you'll get a better explanation, maybe not... just out of curiosity, how long were you dating?


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

blaaargh said:


> just out of curiosity, how long were you dating?



Just under a year.

She has mentioned the possibility of getting back together in the future, but the way I see it, I cant trust her like that again. She dropped the bomb once, boom, I'm done. If she did it this time, who's to say she wont do it again?


----------



## flint757

Yeah, she's not going through a lesbo phase. (well maybe )

That's the canned response most people give when they are bored with the relationship and either genuinely want to be single or want to start seeing other people. Although, it is odd that she's still trying to talk to you as that is a bit contradictory to wanting space or wanting to end a relationship. Maybe she wants to see other people, but keep you as a friend without explicitly saying so. It's shocking how many women think this approach to doing that works.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Okey dokey guys. About two weeks ago my (now ex) girlfriend and I split. She claims to "not know what she feels" and that she "just wants to be single for a while", both of which sound like complete and utter bullshit. I gave everything to this girl and she just shrugged it off like nothing. And she wont stop trying to ....ing talk to me. God damnit women are stupid.
> 
> No real conversation here I guess. Just venting.


 
Simply stop worrying about what she's doing or what she wants and move on. A lot of women know that they can keep guys on the backburner in case they aren't as attractive as you made them think they are, so .... her space, go out and get a pet orangutan named Clyde and live it up bro


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

I think I'm just gonna go hit up some girls I know that are dtf and hump my problems away.


----------



## will_shred

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Okey dokey guys. About two weeks ago my (now ex) girlfriend and I split. She claims to "not know what she feels" and that she "just wants to be single for a while", both of which sound like complete and utter bullshit. I gave everything to this girl and she just shrugged it off like nothing. And she wont stop trying to ....ing talk to me. God damnit women are stupid.
> 
> No real conversation here I guess. Just venting.




I don't think that's bs. It's not just a female thing either... I've gotten like that before and nearly broken up with my gf because of it. Sure as .... glad I didn't, but I can understand that mind set. Some people just don't want the emotional baggage of a relationship no matter how good it may be.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

will_shred said:


> I don't think that's bs. It's not just a female thing either... I've gotten like that before and nearly broken up with my gf because of it. Sure as .... glad I didn't, but I can understand that mind set. Some people just don't want the emotional baggage of a relationship no matter how good it may be.




I just see it as her having a Corvette and ditching it for a unicycle. What pisses me off the most about it is every time she told me she loved me it was a lie.


----------



## asher

leftyguitarjoe said:


> I just see it as her having a Corvette and ditching it for a unicycle. What pisses me off the most about it is every time she told me she loved me it was a lie.



Well, not necessarily. We all know love can fade - she may well have meant it then dude.


----------



## Mexi

So I've been texting the girl I hooked up with back in june and it's been pretty good so far, some light-hearted flirting and whatnot. I asked her when she wants to get together and she said that she's working pretty steadily for the next couple weeks but that she'll let me know asap, cool.

The thing is that in recent days, I've somewhat come to the conclusion I just genuinely _dislike_ this girl. She's cute and there is an instant sexual attraction when we're there together, but I don't like her personality. she has really rigid views on how "guys should be" and just generally ignorant about a lot of stuff. I seriously could not envision having any kind of relationship with her, really.

I was celibate for years up until this girl, and with her libido, I could get in some pretty steady sex for a good while. She wants to "be with a guy" but seems pretty liberal in the sense of what a committed or casual relationship should be. My question is: do I keep this on the backburner to for purely physical reasons (I plan to establish that with her at some point) while I look for something else. Or do I just drop it altogether and move on?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Why not hit that? 

The problem is when people convince themselves they want to be with someone they hate just because said person looks a certain way. I feel like a LOT of people do that... But if she's got such liberal views on a relationship, play her game and look for something else in the meantime...


----------



## Yo_Wattup

Hey guys... is anyone here been married for a while and can't seem to stay physically attracted to their partner anymore? Its just that my girlfriend is sooooo ....ing horny all the ....ing time like... its ....ing ridiculous, and the fact that every second sentence she speaks is about sex and how much she wants just kinda turns me off. She's not unattractive or anything either. 

Is there like horny pills I can take or something? My libido is non existent. We've been together for five years.

Inb4 beta fggt homo whatever


----------



## Mexi

Konfyouzd said:


> Why not hit that?
> 
> The problem is when people convince themselves they want to be with someone they hate just because said person looks a certain way. I feel like a LOT of people do that... But if she's got such liberal views on a relationship, play her game and look for something else in the meantime...



yeah my thoughts exactly. I haven't had a real relationship in years, so I figure this would be a good way to just get back into the rhythm of just spending time with women. I suppose my greater concern was whether my dislike for her on a personal level would override the pleasure derived from my D in her V (which seems unlikely)

besides, come the new academic year, there will be TONS of young girls on campus where I'm at to meet. plus, having lost about 50 lbs in the past year, I'm in a better physical/mental state than ever before that really does give me some modicum of confidence just to put myself out there


----------



## Konfyouzd

That's happened... And it's weird... The last chck I slept with... She was pretty sexy, but I kinda hated her and it was hard to get my head in the game... But I did what I had to do...


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Yo_Wattup said:


> Hey guys... is anyone here been married for a while and can't seem to stay physically attracted to their partner anymore? Its just that my girlfriend is sooooo ....ing horny all the ....ing time like... its ....ing ridiculous, and the fact that every second sentence she speaks is about sex and how much she wants just kinda turns me off. She's not unattractive or anything either.
> 
> Is there like horny pills I can take or something? My libido is non existent. We've been together for five years.


 
If you're reasonably young, your libido is fine, probably the lifestyle that could use some changing. I went through the same thing with a gf of a few years, you just get tired of pounding the same thing. there's nothing new about that. But if you want to make the relationship work you play through the boredom. What works: stop jacking it and watching porn COMPLETELY. If you're doing either one of these at all, it's ....ing with your head in ways you probably don't understand. Go a few weeks without either at all and you'll see what I mean (assuming you do either at all.....who are we kidding ). After a while you'll get that little charge of endorphines again like you did when you first met her, and the need to bang something will overtake the need to bang something new, and she'll do just fine haha. Also, quit smoking if you smoke, get out and lead a less sedentary lifestyle, and the most important thing, commit to continually courting her. If non of this works for you, move on because you're wasting your time and hers.


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## UnderTheSign

YJGB said:


> Castlefest?


Yep... Spent 5 days there actually. I was giving archery instructions.

Also, just got to change my status on OKC to "seeing someone". She did the same. Mission accomplished.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

UnderTheSign said:


> Yep... Spent 5 days there actually. I was giving archery instructions.
> 
> Also, just got to change my status on OKC to "seeing someone". She did the same. Mission accomplished.



Okay, cool, I was dragged along with my girl, but I had a good time. Usually I'm a bit scared of those dressed up people and larpers.


----------



## SevenStringSam

glad to know i wasnt the only one tapping a girl i hated, i hated her guts but loved her organs if that makes sense everything about her was the opposite of what i stand for and believe in but holy zeus she was hot, ah well she stabbed me with a fork so i ended it haha and no this isnt about my current girl, this was like 8 months ago hahaha


----------



## Bekanor

SevenStringSam said:


> glad to know i wasnt the only one tapping a girl i hated, i hated her guts but loved her organs if that makes sense everything about her was the opposite of what i stand for and believe in but holy zeus she was hot, ah well she stabbed me with a fork so i ended it haha and no this isnt about my current girl, this was like 8 months ago hahaha



This is the best dating story in this whole thread. 

"She stabbed me with a fork, so I ended it".


----------



## wannabguitarist

Ended a 3 year relationship with my girlfriend/room mate/best friend last night. It was mutual and probably the right decision for our futures but god damn it sucks


----------



## flint757

Bekanor said:


> This is the best dating story in this whole thread.
> 
> "She stabbed me with a fork, so I ended it".



The Great White Buffalo.


----------



## UnderTheSign

YJGB said:


> Okay, cool, I was dragged along with my girl, but I had a good time. Usually I'm a bit scared of those dressed up people and larpers.


Haha yeah I know that feel, I have a lot of friends who are into the elaborate victorian costumes etc but some of the stuff people wear is way over my head


----------



## Konfyouzd

Kinda wanna talk to this sexy redhead chick that rides the bus every morning... I see her all the time but never really thought of a good time to speak to her or what to say really... 

She actually sat next to me today and I had an even harder time coming up with somethin to say... Now I just have to hope she sits somewhere near me again... Or just roll up on her randomly and introduce myself... 

We'll see...

Women are always so quick to call a dude weird or creepy and I'm not really sure how you just spark up a convo w/ someone you don't know. As far as I know the only thing we have in common is we have the same phone.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Konfyouzd said:


> Kinda wanna talk to this sexy redhead chick that rides the bus every morning... I see her all the time but never really thought of a good time to speak to her or what to say really...
> 
> She actually sat next to me today and I had an even harder time coming up with somethin to say... Now I just have to hope she sits somewhere near me again... Or just roll up on her randomly and introduce myself...
> 
> We'll see...
> 
> Women are always so quick to call a dude weird or creepy and I'm not really sure how you just spark up a convo w/ someone you don't know. As far as I know the only thing we have in common is we have the same phone.



Just say: Hey, do you come here more often?

If she says no: I'll give you a reason. Then pull your pants down.

If she says yes: Also pull your pants down, she obviously wants the D.

No, but really, I'm a wreck when it comes to talking to girls, so don't take anything from me


----------



## Murmel

^
If you try this one every girl you meet/hit on, I bet someone is gonna agree to some D. No way in hell it's gonna backfire 100% of the time, to quote Justin Bieber; never say never.

Not saying it won't backfire 99,99% of the time though


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Murmel said:


> ^
> If you try this one every girl you meet/hit on, I bet someone is gonna agree to some D. No way in hell it's gonna backfire 100% of the time, to quote Justin Bieber; never say never.
> 
> Not saying it won't backfire 99,99% of the time though



Well, I do have a girlfriend, and she never minded me doing it. As a matter of fact, she encourages it. Just not in public. For her eyes only


----------



## necronile

YJGB said:


> Well, I do have a girlfriend, and she never minded me doing it. As a matter of fact, she encourages it. Just not in public. For her eyes only


----------



## Konfyouzd

"For British eyes only!!!!"


----------



## SevenStringSam

Konfyouzd said:


> Kinda wanna talk to this sexy redhead chick that rides the bus every morning... I see her all the time but never really thought of a good time to speak to her or what to say really...
> 
> She actually sat next to me today and I had an even harder time coming up with somethin to say... Now I just have to hope she sits somewhere near me again... Or just roll up on her randomly and introduce myself...
> 
> We'll see...
> 
> Women are always so quick to call a dude weird or creepy and I'm not really sure how you just spark up a convo w/ someone you don't know. As far as I know the only thing we have in common is we have the same phone.



shit man ill be angry with you if you dont, red heads are just UGHHNNNNNN just say "hey whats up" if she sits next to you again, just a simple hello and let the rest flow bro


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

SevenStringSam said:


> shit man ill be angry with you if you dont, red heads are just UGHHNNNNNN just say "hey whats up" if she sits next to you again, just a simple hello and let the rest flow bro



Redheads are great, I know from experience. 

Go for it, Konfyouzd! Just start a conversation, when she sits next to you again, ask her, since you see her everyday on the bus, where she's off to. She'll probably reply with something you can build the rest of the conversation on. And the most important thing to do, is just fvcking do it man, who's stopping you?


----------



## no_dice

SevenStringSam said:


> red heads are just UGHHNNNNNN











Konfyouzd said:


> Women are always so quick to call a dude weird or creepy and I'm not really sure how you just spark up a convo w/ someone you don't know.



Dude, from my observations, in a lot of cases, the difference between sweet and creepy is just whether or not the girl is interested in you. It's worth a shot just to say hi and see what happens.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

.... yeah redheads, my gf is a fire crotch and I love that shit.  
Sorry for the random post, I kinda just lurk on here.


----------



## SevenStringSam

my gf dyes her hair like 3 times a month so shes been all different colors of red head for me x) but shes no fire crotch, pretty hairless down their actually lol


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

I'm glad my girl is a natural redhead. But she does shave everywhere except her head, and I don't have to. She actually encourages me to grow everything as long as possible. Hair, beard, other... kinds of hair... Easy as pie


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Hell yeah man! That's how mine is too, she threatens to dump me if I cut my hair.  It's past my shoulders for the first time in my life, my beard is pretty good size too. But there's just something about redheads, so gawd damn hot.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> Hell yeah man! That's how mine is too, she threatens to dump me if I cut my hair.  It's past my shoulders for the first time in my life, my beard is pretty good size too. But there's just something about redheads, so gawd damn hot.



My hair comes near my ass, and yes, my girl threatens to dump me as well. Or rather, she'll be unhappy and have a little less funky sex with me, knowing her. And the more beard the better.


----------



## blaaargh

Being a natural redhead myself, I can concur that redhead chicks are indeed on a whole 'nother level of HNNNNNNNNGGGGGG, though I've always suspected that at least part of that is via gene preservation instincts. Still, any redhead gets at least 1 or 2 extra points in my book just for that. Also, my ex refused to let me cut my hair while we were dating. Apparently being a bearded and maned ginger makes me that much more attractive... who knew


----------



## Konfyouzd

I hate human interaction... 

I put my original Craigslist ad back up and caught another one. Good bait it is... 

This one is kinda cute too.

I've noticed that although the headline mentions that I'm seeking a "mature woman" they're always 22... This must be the age at which women stop maturing...


----------



## Konfyouzd

no_dice said:


> the difference between sweet and creepy is just whether or not the girl is interested in you.



Exactamente... 

Nail on the head, man...


----------



## Church2224

Pretty much the most REAL advice on Djod's green earth


----------



## Konfyouzd

I find all those "how to attract women" guides a bit silly... if it works for other ppl that's fine, but meh...


----------



## TheDuatAwaits

Okay soo, I just need some advice. Since I started my job, I met this girl. She's really attractive and I've somewhat developed a slight crush on her. We flirt (if you would call it that, more like playful joking around) and talk a lot during work, we have the same work schedule and work pretty much right next to each other. Problem is we both are in long-term relationships, about the same time for each of us. I'm 19, and she is 28 with 2 kids(even though that doesn't really bother me.) My girlfriend and i have been fighting a lot, and my question is: Is having a crush on my co worker something that is normal, or something that will pass by? Or is a sign that things aren't working out for my girlfriend and I, and that I should move on with somebody else?(Not implying my coworker.) I am confused. 

I wanted to say something else about it, but i completely forgot.


----------



## JosephAOI

Jesus, Levi, what is it with you and crushing on other chicks while you're still with your gf? 

Messaging you on facebook though


----------



## TheDuatAwaits

JosephAOI said:


> Jesus, Levi, what is it with you and crushing on other chicks while you're still with your gf?
> 
> Messaging you on facebook though



It's only happened twice.


----------



## wannabguitarist

It's weird how evn when things ar ended mutally and the decision was really for the benefit of both partis in the long and short term it still hurts so mcuh. I almost feel like I would feel better if I had smothing to be angry at hre about so I could yell like as asshole.

Thank god fr metal and beer



levijaymz said:


> Okay soo, I just need some advice. Since I started my job, I met this girl. She's really attractive and I've somewhat developed a slight crush on her. We flirt (if you would call it that, more like playful joking around) and talk a lot during work, we have the same work schedule and work pretty much right next to each other. Problem is we both are in long-term relationships, about the same time for each of us. I'm 19, and she is 28 with 2 kids(even though that doesn't really bother me.) My girlfriend and i have been fighting a lot, and my question is: Is having a crush on my co worker something that is normal, or something that will pass by? Or is a sign that things aren't working out for my girlfriend and I, and that I should move on with somebody else?(Not implying my coworker.) I am confused.
> 
> I wanted to say something else about it, but i completely forgot.



Deal with your isues before jumping into anything else  Little crushes are fine but you can't take them as a singal you need to mvoe on unlss you'e alread solved things with your curreny woman


----------



## Solodini

Church2224 said:


> Well I tried texting the one girl I met the other night, no response. Sucks, she was real pretty.
> 
> But this girl....
> 
> 
> 
> Texted her and it got real flrtly. We will be doing something soon, she just got back into town. Apparently she likes drunk rollerskating... Awesome.
> 
> Also any texting advice to keep the attraction going ?


 
Don't ask yes/no questions. They need to be followed up: doing so with an "if yes, [question]?" in the same message reads like a survey which isn't particularly sexy. Not doing so within the same message is a bit stagnant, in my opinion. Who, what, where, why, how questions are better, allow more freedom to find out about them, range for you to ask further questions naturally.

Also, make fun of yourself, but not in a self pitying way. Self directed sarcasm breaks the ice and makes you more approachable, too. "I like rollerskating, too. I do tend to look like a drunken giraffe when I do, though. Yes I've seen a giraffe drunk, no it wasn't legal, no I cannot confirm whether the giraffe called me for a 2nd date".


----------



## Solodini

Konfyouzd said:


> Kinda wanna talk to this sexy redhead chick that rides the bus every morning... I see her all the time but never really thought of a good time to speak to her or what to say really...
> 
> She actually sat next to me today and I had an even harder time coming up with somethin to say... Now I just have to hope she sits somewhere near me again... Or just roll up on her randomly and introduce myself...
> 
> We'll see...
> 
> Women are always so quick to call a dude weird or creepy and I'm not really sure how you just spark up a convo w/ someone you don't know. As far as I know the only thing we have in common is we have the same phone.


 
Is she ever reading a paper or book you can comment on/ask about?



levijaymz said:


> Okay soo, I just need some advice. Since I started my job, I met this girl. She's really attractive and I've somewhat developed a slight crush on her. We flirt (if you would call it that, more like playful joking around) and talk a lot during work, we have the same work schedule and work pretty much right next to each other. Problem is we both are in long-term relationships, about the same time for each of us. I'm 19, and she is 28 with 2 kids(even though that doesn't really bother me.) My girlfriend and i have been fighting a lot, and my question is: Is having a crush on my co worker something that is normal, or something that will pass by? Or is a sign that things aren't working out for my girlfriend and I, and that I should move on with somebody else?(Not implying my coworker.) I am confused.
> 
> I wanted to say something else about it, but i completely forgot.


 
It's natural to have crushes. Your instincts don't just turn off when you meet someone. Enjoy the flirtation for what it is. Don't use it as an excuse to sabotage your existing relationship when the other woman could just be having a laugh.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Solodini said:


> Is she ever reading a paper or book you can comment on/ask about?


 
Nahh... She's usually just sitting there with her headphones in playing on her phone. Whenever I see someone doing that I feel like I'd just be bothering them if I come up to them and say some irrelevant shit... 

I know I hate it when ppl talk to me when I have my headphones in. Maybe other ppl aren't so angry at the world.


----------



## Solodini

Hold a wee note over her phone screen asking what she's listening to? It may be shit but if you have a daft made up fact you can apply to any artist/band you can slip in a bit of humour and jump start some conversation. Just don't make the joke about sex or drugs, unless you want to seem like a teenager.


----------



## Konfyouzd

We'll see if I can slip in some clever convo next time she's on the bus... I was fully prepared (in my mind) to talk to her today and she wasn't there. Shoulda known 

It's far easier to talk to women I'm not attracted to... Silly habit I need to break.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Another date tomorrow... 

Hopefully I talk to this one for more than a week.


----------



## UnderTheSign

So she high five'd me after the deed last night "because it was worth it". And "with any luck, it'll happen more often". My life is awesome.


----------



## Konfyouzd

High 5 after sex... Nice... 

"Good game, man!"


----------



## no_dice

Solodini said:


> Hold a wee note over her phone screen asking what she's listening to? It may be shit but if you have a daft made up fact you can apply to any artist/band you can slip in a bit of humour and jump start some conversation. Just don't make the joke about sex or drugs, unless you want to seem like a teenager.



I've never tried that one, but one night in a loud ass club, this cute girl was looking bored, and I typed up a note on my phone and held it out to her and it started a conversation. Whatever it takes to break the ice, after that, if being yourself doesn't seal the deal, it's not worth pursuing.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Konfyouzd said:


> High 5 after sex... Nice...
> 
> "Good game, man!"



Yeah, I know. It's kind of cool because she's both a buddy who I can watch movies/drink beer with _and_ the girl I like more than anyone else right now. Perfect situation.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Relationships: I'm now *officially* afraid of them.

Went out w new chick last night... Had a great time. This morning tells me she has the herpes. No... I didn't tap that.

*sigh*


----------



## flint757

At least she didn't tell you after the fact.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Yea... But .... dating... Between women having a million kids, lying all the time and having STDs you can't get rid of, I think I've had my fill for a while.
.


----------



## Church2224

Konfyouzd said:


> Yea... But .... dating... Between women having a million kids, lying all the time and having STDs you can't get rid of, I think I've had my fill for a while.
> .






Just do not give up man. I want to do the same thing but I just keep thinking my woman is out there some where. 

Just keep your mind on other things and do not give into the cynicism


----------



## BlackMastodon

^Probably the best way to look at it.


----------



## piggins411

I know the conversation is mostly passed, but damn do I love redheads. Seeing a redhead can help me get through the day


----------



## Church2224

piggins411 said:


> I know the conversation is mostly passed, but damn do I love redheads. Seeing a redhead can help me get through the day



I love them Olived Skinned, dark haired girls, Asians, "exotic" women, ect...

Think Sophie Vergara, Raj's Sister from the Big Bang Theory, Yeah boy.....


----------



## Konfyouzd

piggins411 said:


> I know the conversation is mostly passed, but damn do I love redheads. Seeing a redhead can help me get through the day


Yea I think I need to locate my sack, cross my fingers and say hi to *that* one...


----------



## BucketheadRules

Konfyouzd said:


> It's far easier to talk to women I'm not attracted to... Silly habit I need to break.



This.


----------



## Murmel

Konfyouzd said:


> It's far easier to talk to women I'm not attracted to... Silly habit I need to break.



Obviously, because then you're not feeling any pressure to attract her. Most people's heads turn instant retard the moment they're about to speak to someone they like but don't know very well.


----------



## OzoneJunkie

UnderTheSign said:


> So she high five'd me after the deed last night "because it was worth it". And "with any luck, it'll happen more often". My life is awesome.



Just remember: High 5 good, HI V bad...

( roman numeral / STD humor...sorry.... not really  )


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## UnderTheSign

OzoneJunkie said:


> Just remember: High 5 good, HI V bad...
> 
> ( roman numeral / STD humor...sorry.... not really  )


Gotta love them mondays eh?


----------



## Church2224

Well son of a bitch...

I surprisingly saw one of the ladies last night and woke up with a text from her basically saying she was glad to see me and I made her day so much better.

Pretty happy right now.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Konfyouzd said:


> It's far easier to talk to women I'm not attracted to... Silly habit I need to break.


And i thought that would go away with time.... well.


----------



## wat

Church2224 said:


> Well I tried texting the one girl I met the other night, no response. Sucks, she was real pretty.
> 
> But this girl....
> 
> 
> 
> Texted her and it got real flrtly. We will be doing something soon, she just got back into town. Apparently she likes drunk rollerskating... Awesome.
> 
> Also any texting advice to keep the attraction going ?



Being a smartass and keeping texts short and sweet seems to work. And not making yourself seem to available and "easy"


----------



## SevenStringSam

shit this may not be for everyone, and it might not get you the hottest girl, but itll get you the best girl.

intelligence. show them youre smart and worth keeping around as you will have a future unlike the hundreds of other guys hitting on said girl who are bound to a mediocre life. 

caring. show them you want more than their body and their looks. let them know they cam be comfortable around you and not have to get "prettied up". they can just get out of bed and throw on pajamas and still be the most beautiful girl to you. LET THEM KNOW THAT

trust. show them that they can trust you with their love, dont be someone who cant keep a promise, show them the trust that will flourish into serendipity between the two of you.

those 3 things should be the only thing that matters if youre looking for someone to keep by your side for the rest (or because the world sucks) or most of your life.

if you just wanna bang then be the complete opposite of those 3 things and add being sexy to your attributes and boom. you have a sea of vag to swim in lol


----------



## sniperfreak223

SevenStringSam said:


> shit this may not be for everyone, and it might not get you the hottest girl, but itll get you the best girl.
> 
> intelligence. show them youre smart and worth keeping around as you will have a future unlike the hundreds of other guys hitting on said girl who are bound to a mediocre life.
> 
> caring. show them you want more than their body and their looks. let them know they cam be comfortable around you and not have to get "prettied up". they can just get out of bed and throw on pajamas and still be the most beautiful girl to you. LET THEM KNOW THAT
> 
> trust. show them that they can trust you with their love, dont be someone who cant keep a promise, show them the trust that will flourish into serendipity between the two of you.
> 
> those 3 things should be the only thing that matters if youre looking for someone to keep by your side for the rest (or because the world sucks) or most of your life.
> 
> if you just wanna bang then be the complete opposite of those 3 things and add being sexy to your attributes and boom. you have a sea of vag to swim in lol




I gave my ex-wife all of these, but it still failed. She claimed I made her feel stupid, that I was way too mature, smothered her with love, hated my overprotective nature, and the last time I saw her, her last words to me were "you have a lot of love to give, and that's more than I deserve." Moral of the story: even if you do everything right, some things are just doomed to fail.


----------



## Church2224

SevenStringSam said:


> shit this may not be for everyone, and it might not get you the hottest girl, but itll get you the best girl.
> 
> intelligence. show them youre smart and worth keeping around as you will have a future unlike the hundreds of other guys hitting on said girl who are bound to a mediocre life.
> 
> caring. show them you want more than their body and their looks. let them know they cam be comfortable around you and not have to get "prettied up". they can just get out of bed and throw on pajamas and still be the most beautiful girl to you. LET THEM KNOW THAT
> 
> trust. show them that they can trust you with their love, dont be someone who cant keep a promise, show them the trust that will flourish into serendipity between the two of you.
> 
> those 3 things should be the only thing that matters if youre looking for someone to keep by your side for the rest (or because the world sucks) or most of your life.
> 
> if you just wanna bang then be the complete opposite of those 3 things and add being sexy to your attributes and boom. you have a sea of vag to swim in lol



Actually the best thing you can do is just be genuine. There are some VERY beautiful women out there who just want the real deal. A lot of it has to do with maturity.


----------



## SevenStringSam

sniperfreak223 said:


> I gave my ex-wife all of these, but it still failed. She claimed I made her feel stupid, that I was way too mature, smothered her with love, hated my overprotective nature, and the last time I saw her, her last words to me were "you have a lot of love to give, and that's more than I deserve." Moral of the story: even if you do everything right, some things are just doomed to fail.



i never said itd work everytime, and i also said that it wasnt mean for any girl. some girls just cant handle stuff like that and it "scares" them. that being said not everything works out. sadly thats just how life is/:

and with church, yeah always be genuine. what i posted is just easy for me because those are who i honestly am. honestly is the key but that key is worthless when the hand holding it and lock its being put into wont fit


----------



## Church2224

SevenStringSam said:


> i never said itd work everytime, and i also said that it wasnt mean for any girl. some girls just cant handle stuff like that and it "scares" them. that being said not everything works out. sadly thats just how life is/:
> 
> and with church, yeah always be genuine. what i posted is just easy for me because those are who i honestly am. honestly is the key but that key is worthless when the hand holding it and lock its being put into wont fit



As to the first point, I think that it is true many girls are scared of certain guys and they cannot handle them. 

Second, I can see that man. Makes sense.

Something my father once taught me-

"If a woman thinks you are too good for her, she is probably right."


----------



## Konfyouzd

Church2224 said:


> A lot of it has to do with maturity.





Being genuine has gotten me the opportunity to be with quite a few... I just honestly wasn't all that into them... I'd have stuck with that chick that had all the kids even though kids aren't really my thing had she been less of a club rat. I simply find that sort of thing unattractive. 

I completely understand the step-by-step guides on how to get with them--well to an extent anyway--but it ends up coming across like Andy in The 40 Year Old Virgin during that speed dating scene if you follow too closely. Being genuine seems most likely to land you a woman you can be yourself around and if she is genuine herself, she should be able to feel the same. 

I also feel "physical attraction" gets a bit overblown by the media. It's absolutely important, but I think people are being given their standards rather than forming them on their own sometimes.


----------



## kchay

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Just under a year.
> 
> She has mentioned the possibility of getting back together in the future, but the way I see it, I cant trust her like that again. She dropped the bomb once, boom, I'm done. If she did it this time, who's to say she wont do it again?



Exact same thing with me.


----------



## kchay

Also, always be genuine. Otherwise it's DOOMED to fail.

I mean, I always think of them in the long term though; I'm useless at flings.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Always applies


----------



## Church2224

Well I might have a girl over tonight to have a few drinks and a fire, wish me luck guys...

EDIT: Plans cancelled, dammit. 

Also met another girl today who I really hit it off with. This attraction thing is easy once you stop being so nervous.


----------



## RevelGTR

I think the big mistake nice guys make is that they feel the need to tell the world that they are nice. "Hey babe, I'm nice and won't break you're heart. I also won't pressure you in to sex. Wanna hold hands?" Just be a normal, cool guy.


----------



## kchay

Seriously, describing yourself as "nice" is probably a big NO.

I mean, if you're nice, you shouldn't need to spell it out for someone. You should just show it through your mannerisms.


----------



## Maku

I want to talk about some shit in my life, but I don't have the balls to post it anywhere else. So basically i'm known as a huge dick by the people who know me and i love it. I've been dating this girl for almost two years now and i know i've been a dick to her, but not intentionally. i do admit it and i'm not proud of it. bonus to that i get nervous breakdowns really easily and turn into aggromode instantly. basically everything gets on my nerves and i have these bursts of rage every now and then. So she's been having to live with that for those last two years, and i truly feel sorry for her. As a ....ing narcissist that i am, i also often see no flaws in my actions, and later regret them. So since the summer everything has turned to shit for me. In the beginning of the summer i got one of these massive ragebursts again and i did some shit to myself that's horrible. After that everything changed and my girlfriend started acting cold towards me, she would talk to me less and less, go out with her friends really often, get shitfaced drunk and thats when my schizo-self triggered. Since then i've been sitting and overthinking for most of the days. Also the distance of 250km between us doesn't help at all, because i'm in my countryhome and working, so the chance of seeing her is basically impossible. She seems to be enjoying herself, i'm depressed, being in a good mood is not possible and i constantly think about her cheating on me, even though i know that it's not going to happen. And now here's the worst of it all. Yesterday we talked again and i was off again, and she hates when i'm in bad mood. So she suggested that we should take a break for 2 weeks. That's when I died and couldn't sleep all night and here i am, working my 15 hour shift again. Basically i'm feeling suicidal and the only thing keeping me alive is the new The Safety Fire album lol.

Sorry for my bad english since it's not my native language.
At least i got all that shit off my chest.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

I think a friend of mine is more sexually frustrated then I am.... or have ever been, she said she's gunna show me her tits... what? she want's the D, from Dan. ;D


----------



## Solodini

Maku said:


> I want to talk about some shit in my life, but I don't have the balls to post it anywhere else. So basically i'm known as a huge dick by the people who know me and i love it. I've been dating this girl for almost two years now and i know i've been a dick to her, but not intentionally. i do admit it and i'm not proud of it. bonus to that i get nervous breakdowns really easily and turn into aggromode instantly. basically everything gets on my nerves and i have these bursts of rage every now and then. So she's been having to live with that for those last two years, and i truly feel sorry for her. As a ....ing narcissist that i am, i also often see no flaws in my actions, and later regret them. So since the summer everything has turned to shit for me. In the beginning of the summer i got one of these massive ragebursts again and i did some shit to myself that's horrible. After that everything changed and my girlfriend started acting cold towards me, she would talk to me less and less, go out with her friends really often, get shitfaced drunk and thats when my schizo-self triggered. Since then i've been sitting and overthinking for most of the days. Also the distance of 250km between us doesn't help at all, because i'm in my countryhome and working, so the chance of seeing her is basically impossible. She seems to be enjoying herself, i'm depressed, being in a good mood is not possible and i constantly think about her cheating on me, even though i know that it's not going to happen. And now here's the worst of it all. Yesterday we talked again and i was off again, and she hates when i'm in bad mood. So she suggested that we should take a break for 2 weeks. That's when I died and couldn't sleep all night and here i am, working my 15 hour shift again. Basically i'm feeling suicidal and the only thing keeping me alive is the new The Safety Fire album lol.
> 
> Sorry for my bad english since it's not my native language.
> At least i got all that shit off my chest.


 
If it doesn't work then it doesn't work. Life happens to you, what you do with that is up to you but there's nothing constructive or valuable to giving in. Now you've seen the consequences of your behaviour, use it as a prompt to seek some help so it doesn't happen in future.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

Maku said:


> I want to talk about some shit in my life, but I don't have the balls to post it anywhere else. So basically i'm known as a huge dick by the people who know me and i love it. I've been dating this girl for almost two years now and i know i've been a dick to her, but not intentionally. i do admit it and i'm not proud of it. bonus to that i get nervous breakdowns really easily and turn into aggromode instantly. basically everything gets on my nerves and i have these bursts of rage every now and then. So she's been having to live with that for those last two years, and i truly feel sorry for her. As a ....ing narcissist that i am, i also often see no flaws in my actions, and later regret them. So since the summer everything has turned to shit for me. In the beginning of the summer i got one of these massive ragebursts again and i did some shit to myself that's horrible. After that everything changed and my girlfriend started acting cold towards me, she would talk to me less and less, go out with her friends really often, get shitfaced drunk and thats when my schizo-self triggered. Since then i've been sitting and overthinking for most of the days. Also the distance of 250km between us doesn't help at all, because i'm in my countryhome and working, so the chance of seeing her is basically impossible. She seems to be enjoying herself, i'm depressed, being in a good mood is not possible and i constantly think about her cheating on me, even though i know that it's not going to happen. And now here's the worst of it all. Yesterday we talked again and i was off again, and she hates when i'm in bad mood. So she suggested that we should take a break for 2 weeks. That's when I died and couldn't sleep all night and here i am, working my 15 hour shift again. Basically i'm feeling suicidal and the only thing keeping me alive is the new The Safety Fire album lol.
> 
> Sorry for my bad english since it's not my native language.
> At least i got all that shit off my chest.



I hate to say it, but perhaps your relationship with this girl is not the best thing, for either of you. It sounds like you have some issue with yourself that you need to work out. I'd focus on fixing problems with yourself before you start worrying about problems with your relationship.


----------



## wat

WSchaferJR said:


> I think the big mistake nice guys make is that they feel the need to tell the world that they are nice. "Hey babe, I'm nice and won't break you're heart. I also won't pressure you in to sex. Wanna hold hands?" Just be a normal, cool guy.




"I won't beat or rape you. EVER. Why don't you like me, I said I won't beat you!"


----------



## SevenStringSam

wat said:


> "I won't beat or rape you. EVER. Why don't you like me, I said I won't beat you!"



hey thats not always true! some girls ( like my gf) and guys ( like me) love that shit, tie me down and beat the shit outta me and take control. i LOVE that stuff lol but im also a WEIRD little .... ^_^


----------



## Konfyouzd

WSchaferJR said:


> I think the big mistake nice guys make is that they feel the need to tell the world that they are nice. "Hey babe, I'm nice and won't break you're heart. I also won't pressure you in to sex. Wanna hold hands?" Just be a normal, cool guy.



Who puts it out there like that? "Hi, I'm nice..."  

I don't pressure women for sex because it's something they constantly bitch about... If they want to be pressured into bed they should probably be more vocal about something else. Further, I see sex as a liablity at this point considering the number of women I meet with whom I don't wish to raise a child. I've found that when women find out what your salary is and they don't make as much they sometimes get to be a bit more "willing". 

Yes, there are ways to be safe, but that doesn't mean accidents don't happen and I'd prefer to take risks with a person that will be an adequate partner should an accident occur. And I'm well aware of the existence of birth control and plan B, but that's not 100% my decision to make either... 

Also, god forbid you want to know who someone is before just jumping into some silly puppy love bullshit that ends up going nowhere. Been there, done that and I usually end up hating the chick sooner than later because we were just infatuated with each others physical appearance.

And there's nothing wrong with simply being a nice person... I don't understand how some of you guys that talk about it like it's the plague even get near a woman much less anything else... You must be the pretty boys that .... their heads up and leave the so-called "nice guys" to deal with damaged women with no self esteem...


----------



## RevelGTR

^My post was partially in jest, but my point was that nice guys should spend less time focusing on how nice they are, and more on just being a nice, normal guy whose fun to be around.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I didn't think that needed to be said, but fair enough...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Wish I could pull a Barak Obama and get with my boss... Just had lunch with her to discuss future plans for our contract w/ the gubment... 

My... LAWD... That's all I have to say about that... 

Such a fine piece of woman... And I'm starting to think I might actually dig authority figures when they're sexy ladies...


----------



## SevenStringSam

plan b isnt 100% condoms arent 100%.. do you wanna know whats 100% effective and 100% your choice? well.. as long as shes asleep

BOW TO THE METAL COAT HANGER


----------



## Konfyouzd

Oh my god...


----------



## SevenStringSam

just remember! for easy and smooth insertion use copious amounts of the "accident prevention" brand glube! top of its line!


----------



## kchay

Maku said:


> I want to talk about some shit in my life, but I don't have the balls to post it anywhere else. So basically i'm known as a huge dick by the people who know me and i love it. I've been dating this girl for almost two years now and i know i've been a dick to her, but not intentionally. i do admit it and i'm not proud of it. bonus to that i get nervous breakdowns really easily and turn into aggromode instantly. basically everything gets on my nerves and i have these bursts of rage every now and then. So she's been having to live with that for those last two years, and i truly feel sorry for her. As a ....ing narcissist that i am, i also often see no flaws in my actions, and later regret them. So since the summer everything has turned to shit for me. In the beginning of the summer i got one of these massive ragebursts again and i did some shit to myself that's horrible. After that everything changed and my girlfriend started acting cold towards me, she would talk to me less and less, go out with her friends really often, get shitfaced drunk and thats when my schizo-self triggered. Since then i've been sitting and overthinking for most of the days. Also the distance of 250km between us doesn't help at all, because i'm in my countryhome and working, so the chance of seeing her is basically impossible. She seems to be enjoying herself, i'm depressed, being in a good mood is not possible and i constantly think about her cheating on me, even though i know that it's not going to happen. And now here's the worst of it all. Yesterday we talked again and i was off again, and she hates when i'm in bad mood. So she suggested that we should take a break for 2 weeks. That's when I died and couldn't sleep all night and here i am, working my 15 hour shift again. Basically i'm feeling suicidal and the only thing keeping me alive is the new The Safety Fire album lol.
> 
> Sorry for my bad english since it's not my native language.
> At least i got all that shit off my chest.



I am so sorry to read this. I broke up with my girlfriend after I became like this; you can either try keep it together, or break it off and try and sort out your frame of mind.
I'd say break it off; I didn't like it at the time, but I reevaluated EVERYTHING. Turns out people suck and I love music more than one person. 
I'm really so sorry dude.


----------



## Murmel

Last night I had the most beautiful conversation I've had with anyone in my entire life. I think we both got a ton of bricks off of our chests.

God, I love this person so much.


----------



## TelegramSam

Am I the only person in this thread who doesn't want a relationship? 

Probably, but anyway...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Did you read the thread title? Hooked on phonics worked for me.


----------



## Mexi

so I'm pretty sure I fell into the old trap of revealing too much too soon and killed whatever interest this girl had in me. I learned an important lesson in separating honesty and openness. In fact, everything between the awkward hookup sex and subsequent conversations was extremely enlightening for someone that has been out of the dating scene for so long. 

I don't feel bad about it really because there was no way there was a relationship happening with all the issues she has. so in that sense, I can do much better either way. Plus, I'll probably meet more than a few young women on campus during the new year that are looking for what I have to offer without being intellectually numb.


----------



## texshred777

Look at it this way, if a relationship would have been out of the question..you didn't do anything wrong. The situation followed the natural course it would have taken eventually, anyway. 

If she has as many issues as you say, it's no surprise you being open killed her interest. Especially if her issues lie with intimacy. That's a her issue, not you.


----------



## texshred777

I have a date tomorrow night, first legit(non .... buddy scenario) date since my ex wife.


----------



## Church2224

texshred777 said:


> I have a date tomorrow night, first legit(non .... buddy scenario) date since my ex wife.



Best of luck to you sir. I have one set in stone tomorrow as well. This is the first real date I have been on since the bullshit I went through back in May. Wish me luck as well gentlemen.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

If you worked at a shoe store in a mall and you found a lady who works at a taco bell in that same mall attractive how would you go about what ever it is that people go about with attractive ladies?


----------



## MFB

Dan_Vacant said:


> If you worked at a shoe store in a mall and you found a lady who works at a taco bell in that same mall attractive how would you go about what ever it is that people go about with attractive ladies?



You could ...ORDER from said "Taco Bell" for starters


----------



## Dan_Vacant

MFB said:


> You could ...ORDER from said "Taco Bell" for starters


I have a few times, but haven't said much more then my order.


----------



## kchay

@Dan, just start up a random conversation; make it as lame as possible. She'll either be scared/weirded out, or laugh at how sad it is.
Then proceed.


----------



## sniperfreak223

Dan_Vacant said:


> If you worked at a shoe store in a mall and you found a lady who works at a taco bell in that same mall attractive how would you go about what ever it is that people go about with attractive ladies?



try to suppress the attraction vibes, and just approach her and try to strike up a conversation. It may seem hard at first, but as long as you have self-confidence and don't go all creepy obsessive stalker on her things will usually work out in the end.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

So I went away to a summer camp for two weeks (to study Latin lolololol) and met a bunch of cool people, including two girls that were apparently attracted to me (but they had boyfriends), both of them were quite attractive and one of whom I would've asked out had she been single.

Simultaneous huge confidence boost and giant bummer-my best friend went with me though, he stressed the importance of keeping in touch


----------



## texshred777

Yeah, if you want to ask a girl out at her work(usually not the best idea, honestly) just strike up a random conversation. If said convo goes well, just ask her what she's up to later-invite her to go do something. 

I say it's not usually the best idea as cute girls get hit on all the time while at work..particularly retail. They have to grin and bear it, perhaps even put on a flirty disposition(especially bartenders, waitresses, sales people). It makes it awkward for them and puts them in a possibly uncomfortable position.

With that said, do it anyway. Worst case scenario she says no. Perhaps she spits in your food later on..big deal.


----------



## Church2224

Recap of everything that happened.

We just grabbed lunch and talked. She talked for about 75% of the time and I just listened for most of it. My guess is she seemed really nervous and just wanted to let things out. We were also both tired and she seemed exhausted but wanted to see me anyway, which I was flattered We have a lot more in common than I thought. 

But we were texting before. We were talking money and she said she spoiled herself with her paychecks. Then I said "Send some of that over my way" And she said "I guess I need to get ready for that" And then she said "Well you better not think this is going to be one sided " And then later she called me boo...

What have I gotten myself into...


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

whatever you've thrown yourself into is working, just keep running with it man!


----------



## texshred777

So nope, not happening tonight. Oh well. Still going out. Too bad most of my friends are no longer in Austin.


----------



## Negav

Good luck to everyone.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Church2224 said:


> Recap of everything that happened.
> 
> We just grabbed lunch and talked. She talked for about 75% of the time and I just listened for most of it. My guess is she seemed really nervous and just wanted to let things out. We were also both tired and she seemed exhausted but wanted to see me anyway, which I was flattered We have a lot more in common than I thought.
> 
> But we were texting before. We were talking money and she said she spoiled herself with her paychecks. Then I said "Send some of that over my way" And she said "I guess I need to get ready for that" And then she said "Well you better not think this is going to be one sided " And then later she called me boo...
> 
> What have I gotten myself into...


----------



## kchay

Church2224 said:


> Recap of everything that happened.
> 
> We just grabbed lunch and talked. She talked for about 75% of the time and I just listened for most of it. My guess is she seemed really nervous and just wanted to let things out. We were also both tired and she seemed exhausted but wanted to see me anyway, which I was flattered We have a lot more in common than I thought.
> 
> But we were texting before. We were talking money and she said she spoiled herself with her paychecks. Then I said "Send some of that over my way" And she said "I guess I need to get ready for that" And then she said "Well you better not think this is going to be one sided " And then later she called me boo...
> 
> What have I gotten myself into...



Good man!


----------



## The Finger

Date tomorrow! Wish me luck


----------



## Konfyouzd

^


----------



## Konfyouzd

Holy crap...

I mentioned on the previous page (or perhaps within the previous few pages) that I would have stuck with the girl with 3 kids had she been willing to do more with herself... 

Well... She used to always bitch at me for not keeping my house clean enough. Guilty...

So recently I've been just making sure I clean up after myself better. After all, I am the only one living there. 

Well I've been feeling better about life in general just being in a clean(er) house. And decided I was going to stop dating for a bit just to give myself time between disappointments (not that that's how I see dating in general, but my recent outings *have* been disappointing).

Today she called me out of the blue and I'm going out with her and the kids again. The interesting part is she's talking about getting another job and doing all kinds of other shit that I'd honestly wished she'd do before. Unprompted... 

Hm...


----------



## RevelGTR

Rent 3 kids to compete with her 3.


----------



## Konfyouzd

That sounds like an expensive situation


----------



## MFB

6 kids enter.
2 single adults leave.

This is ...fantastic!


----------



## Negav

Guys I posted a while back about this girl that I liked and she said "idk" when I invited her out, so I stopped talking to her and stuff. 

Well I feel guilty... Not for that girl ( couldn't careless really ) but because of my best friend. She is just the "perfect girl". And I am in love with her, but well she knows I like her but she rather have me as a friend because she "appreciates out relationship and doesn't want it to end". I am fine with that (in a way) we have continued being friend and stuff but I just can't help it. I mean she likes tall guys (I know she wishes I was taller, she kinda likes me but well not enough [she wont admit it, i just know]), and I know I might never have a chance with her but I love her. Or so I think.

I can't help but think about her, I always do. These feelings are eating me because I wish we could date but I care about her and I too appreciate our relationship and I don't want it to end. 

There are many girls in college, I'm shy ( working on it ) but I figured I'm not ugly, people say I'm cute, and some girls tend to remember me from classes I never noticed them in. But the thing is I don't know how to feel, what to think. I want to forget about the 'love' i feel for her and try to date girls but I always slide back to thinking "what if she likes me", "what if we could". 

Does anyone has an opinion about my situation? Has anyone been through this?


----------



## Dan_Vacant

WSchaferJR said:


> Rent 3 kids to compete with her 3.


get 4 to out do her.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Negav said:


> Guys I posted a while back about this girl that I liked and she said "idk" when I invited her out, so I stopped talking to her and stuff.
> 
> Well I feel guilty... Not for that girl ( couldn't careless really ) but because of my best friend. She is just the "perfect girl". And I am in love with her, but well she knows I like her but she rather have me as a friend because she "appreciates out relationship and doesn't want it to end". I am fine with that (in a way) we have continued being friend and stuff but I just can't help it. I mean she likes tall guys (I know she wishes I was taller, she kinda likes me but well not enough [she wont admit it, i just know]), and I know I might never have a chance with her but I love her. Or so I think.
> 
> I can't help but think about her, I always do. These feelings are eating me because I wish we could date but I care about her and I too appreciate our relationship and I don't want it to end.
> 
> There are many girls in college, I'm shy ( working on it ) but I figured I'm not ugly, people say I'm cute, and some girls tend to remember me from classes I never noticed them in. But the thing is I don't know how to feel, what to think. I want to forget about the 'love' i feel for her and try to date girls but I always slide back to thinking "what if she likes me", "what if we could".
> 
> Does anyone has an opinion about my situation? Has anyone been through this?


 
She's just not into you from the sound of it. If she was, you'd know for sure. And, you probably don't love her as much as you're thinking, because nothing fosters fondness like being so close to something you can't have (I'm sure she's great, but you know what I mean.) The way I see it, your best shot (and best thing for you) is to disappear on her radar for a while, and go out and learn how to talk to other girls. It'll get your mind off of her and you'll demonstrate some high value instead of looking like you're waiting around for her. Women tend to be attracted to men whos status is higher than theirs, and theres no way you have a snowballs chance in hell as long as you're orbiting her asking for approval. I don't say this to sound mean, I say it to motivate you to become the kind of guy she and other women would want in their lives. But seriously, disappear for a while and do your own thing, she'll either come looking for you or she wont and then you'll know where you stand. Good luck bro.


----------



## piggins411

^ This. The only thing that's ever worked for me in that type of situation is to separate yourself for a while


----------



## Church2224

glassmoon0fo said:


> She's just not into you from the sound of it. If she was, you'd know for sure. And, you probably don't love her as much as you're thinking, because nothing fosters fondness like being so close to something you can't have (I'm sure she's great, but you know what I mean.) The way I see it, your best shot (and best thing for you) is to disappear on her radar for a while, and go out and learn how to talk to other girls. It'll get your mind off of her and you'll demonstrate some high value instead of looking like you're waiting around for her. Women tend to be attracted to men whos status is higher than theirs, and theres no way you have a snowballs chance in hell as long as you're orbiting her asking for approval. I don't say this to sound mean, I say it to motivate you to become the kind of guy she and other women would want in their lives. But seriously, disappear for a while and do your own thing, she'll either come looking for you or she wont and then you'll know where you stand. Good luck bro.



Well, a combination of this plus a few other factors. 

The first part is true mostly because when we have one girl on our radar we just fixate on that one and get desperate. If you have multiple ones then it gets much easier. If you have multiple girls on your radar you realize right quick that if you do not get one pretty girl so what? There are tons of them out there. And I mean....TONS!!!!

Backing off for a bit in that situation can work, after I reread it. If this was a girl you have not known for a while then I would just say do what you want but seeing as how she is your friend, that might be the best solution. Also sometimes you have to stop treating them like a friend and instead treat them like some one you would date. Be a flirt, get a little more physical. They get the mindset that you are a potential suitor REAL quick when you do that, and I mean REALLY quickly, like even in the matter of a few days or even hours. When you stop or disregard these things then you fall into the friend-zone quickly. 

On the bright side of my life, my new girl wants to do something again sometime. So yeah looks like I am doing something right still . Also got in a very nice convo with this gorgeous girl a few days ago, half French Canadian, Half Brazilian, got a hug, a number plus a few good texts out of it, waiting to see how that goes. Not some one I would date but you all get the idea


----------



## Ibanezsam4

that moment when you successfully convert a bang buddy relationship with former miss teen rhode island into a relationship with former miss teen rhode island


----------



## kchay

You sir, win


----------



## Konfyouzd

glassmoon0fo said:


> She's just not into you from the sound of it. If she was, you'd know for sure. And, you probably don't love her as much as you're thinking, because nothing fosters fondness like being so close to something you can't have (I'm sure she's great, but you know what I mean.) The way I see it, your best shot (and best thing for you) is to disappear on her radar for a while, and go out and learn how to talk to other girls. It'll get your mind off of her and you'll demonstrate some high value instead of looking like you're waiting around for her. Women tend to be attracted to men whos status is higher than theirs, and theres no way you have a snowballs chance in hell as long as you're orbiting her asking for approval. I don't say this to sound mean, I say it to motivate you to become the kind of guy she and other women would want in their lives. But seriously, disappear for a while and do your own thing, she'll either come looking for you or she wont and then you'll know where you stand. Good luck bro.



Real talk...


----------



## SevenStringSam

Ibanezsam4 said:


> that moment when you successfully convert a bang buddy relationship with former miss teen rhode island into a relationship with former miss teen rhode island



you. you sir. you sir deserve an award. 

and please, since that post has a 6 and a 9 in the post number, well.. you know what to do


----------



## Negav

Ibanezsam4 said:


> that moment when you successfully convert a bang buddy relationship with former miss teen rhode island into a relationship with former miss teen rhode island



Congrats man! 

Ok guys so I read your replies and this is what I think I'll do: We hand out twise a week. So I decided to hang out only once a week with the excuse that I have a lot of work to do and I'm falling behind ( Not lying here, need to be more productive ). Then after a while I'll start to appear unavailable and finally I'll tell her that we can't hang out for a while since "I'm falling behind". I'll do this until I'm though with liking her. I hope she understands since she's my best friend. Any suggestions? 

Good luck to everyone!


----------



## Murmel

^
If she's truly your best friend she'd understand if you told her straight up that you might need some time off to get your emotions in check. Lying and sneaking around with it doesn't feel right to me.
Just make sure she knows that you don't hate her.


----------



## RevelGTR

An essential part of that would be seeing other women. Otherwise you'll just create unresolved feelings and want her more then ever.


----------



## Negav

She knows I don't hate her, we still hand out and she was happy when I said that it was cool that she wanted to preserve our friendship and that it was cool. Tomorrow we'll hang out (we do on Mondays and Wednesdays) and well I'll be cool all day until it's time for me to leave. I guess I'll be straight forward then. I mean I'm not sure if I should tomorrow. I guess I'll rather wait to next week. Just to reassure her tomorrow, by being friendly and 'funny' as always, that its cool. 

As for dating other women. Well I'm working on my shyness. I've learned from you guys that if I want to date a girl I should approach flirting and not friendly. I'm on the watch for other girls since I'm studying science and well in my area in college there are all types of girls but its hard at times to get a chance to talk to a girl. I always keep my eyes open. There is one now named Natalie, she has been looking at me from time to time, but she never approaches me. Maybe one day I'll talk to her hoping it's not too late and she lost the interest if any. In this case what would you guys recommend?


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Negav said:


> As for dating other women. Well I'm working on my shyness. I've learned from you guys that if I want to date a girl I should approach flirting and not friendly.


 This goes straight over my head. want would an example of that be? something like "Your eyes are nice" or is that to forward and creepy?


----------



## RevelGTR

That's pretty forward, although being out of context doesn't help.


----------



## TylerRay

Been with the same lady for about 8 months now. Longest relationship I've had outside of highschool. I'm kind of a person who jumps from one thing to another pretty unpredictably. I think I love this girl, but I'm pretty afraid I'm gonna end up some married schmuck with no time to pursue the things I actually enjoy. Music, first and foremost. I can't really help that it is an expensive hobby and takes a shit load of my time. I know that since I've been with her, I haven't really progressed as a musician, just kinda running in place. It's one of those things though were are lives are so f'n intertwined it would be wicked hard to walk away from. I go back and forth on it. Anyone here have a good balance between music/lady/work time?


----------



## BlackMastodon

TylerRay said:


> Been with the same lady for about 8 months now. Longest relationship I've had outside of highschool. I'm kind of a person who jumps from one thing to another pretty unpredictably. I think I love this girl, but I'm pretty afraid I'm gonna end up some married schmuck with no time to pursue the things I actually enjoy. Music, first and foremost. I can't really help that it is an expensive hobby and takes a shit load of my time. I know that since I've been with her, I haven't really progressed as a musician, just kinda running in place. It's one of those things though were are lives are so f'n intertwined it would be wicked hard to walk away from. I go back and forth on it. Anyone here have a good balance between *music/lady/work* time?


Pick 2 or forgo sleep.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

TylerRay said:


> Been with the same lady for about 8 months now. Longest relationship I've had outside of highschool. I'm kind of a person who jumps from one thing to another pretty unpredictably. I think I love this girl, but I'm pretty afraid I'm gonna end up some married schmuck with no time to pursue the things I actually enjoy. Music, first and foremost. I can't really help that it is an expensive hobby and takes a shit load of my time. I know that since I've been with her, I haven't really progressed as a musician, just kinda running in place. It's one of those things though were are lives are so f'n intertwined it would be wicked hard to walk away from. I go back and forth on it. Anyone here have a good balance between music/lady/work time?



Work comes first, then split yah time in-between her and music, try to include her when you can with music.. If she doesn't understand it, maybe think about ending it, if she really cares about you she will make some sacrifices as you will with cutting back slightly with music and other things.


----------



## ASoC

So I just got back from being on DCI tour for 2 and a half months, and I bring excellent news. I spent most of tour with the girl I've been crazy about for over a year now and am in what is possibly the best relationship I've ever been in. After just over 2 months of being together and seeing each other daily, I'm only more attracted to her than ever and it's safe to say that she feels the same way about me. 

Life is good.


----------



## RevelGTR

I think you need to decide how serious you are about the relationship. If it's something that you really want to work, you're probably going to have to devote yourself to her more then music, that's just the reality of things. You will notice that many pro musicians struggle to maintain a relationship during the period that there band is becoming "famous" so to speak. It's difficult to maintain a relationship and give your life to music as well. I'm not suggesting you do this, but if I were in your situation I would probably spend more time with the gal over music.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

WSchaferJR said:


> I think you need to decide how serious you are about the relationship. If it's something that you really want to work, you're probably going to have to devote yourself to her more then music, that's just the reality of things. You will notice that many pro musicians struggle to maintain a relationship during the period that there band is becoming "famous" so to speak. It's difficult to maintain a relationship and give your life to music as well. I'm not suggesting you do this, but if I were in your situation I would probably spend more time with the gal over music.



this is the advice i would prescribe. 

i have a friend who plays drums and is convinced he can "make it" playing in crappy sing-a-long mallcore acts... he's not the brightest. anyhow, he devotes so much to trying to get noticed in a genre that is over-crowded that he refuses to see he hurts his relationships with his friends (me included) and that he majorly ....s up his actual relationships. 

a good girl will stick with you through thick and thin. music is a cruel mistress, it will shaft you faster than anything in the world... i would concentrate more on the lady.


----------



## The Finger

Date went great! We first went bowling, and then grabbed a coffee. We ended up talking for some 3 hours, and we hung out for a total of 5 1/2. I certainly thought time flew by, and I think she did the same. We're going to the movies next week (yes, I know this is bad or whatever, but it was clear that she hinted towards me asking her out again, so I just did [shrug emoticon, I couldn't find it]) So, i believe I've got lots to look forward to


----------



## TylerRay

Thanks Guys! I appreciate the insight.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

ASoC said:


> So I just got back from being on DCI tour for 2 and a half months, and I bring excellent news. I spent most of tour with the girl I've been crazy about for over a year now and am in what is possibly the best relationship I've ever been in. After just over 2 months of being together and seeing each other daily, I'm only more attracted to her than ever and it's safe to say that she feels the same way about me.
> 
> Life is good.


 
Badass dude! what corps did you march with?


----------



## donray1527

Church2224 said:


> I love them Olived Skinned, dark haired girls, Asians, "exotic" women, ect...
> 
> Think Sophie Vergara, Raj's Sister from the Big Bang Theory, Yeah boy.....



Raj's sis is ....ing smoking lol


----------



## donray1527

ASoC said:


> So I just got back from being on DCI tour for 2 and a half months, and I bring excellent news. I spent most of tour with the girl I've been crazy about for over a year now and am in what is possibly the best relationship I've ever been in. After just over 2 months of being together and seeing each other daily, I'm only more attracted to her than ever and it's safe to say that she feels the same way about me.
> 
> Life is good.



Dude i love DCI. lol you better be a bluecoat. 

jk they are all good.


----------



## Church2224

donray1527 said:


> Raj's sis is ....ing smoking lol



And you know what is even more awesome? My current interest looks VERY similar to her


----------



## donray1527

Fair warning: Get some popcorn. Time for some high school drama. This was like 3 years ago... 

So... i dated this girl for about a year. We'll just call her superbitch5000. okay... where to start...
So she was in Marching band with me, thats how i met her, and right towards the end of our relationship she went away to this symphonic camp thing, and i drove to pic her up when it was over. Well this dude was all over us (we'll call him Steve) when we were packing up her things and he followed us to lunch and was offering to carry stuff for us and pretty much worshipped the ground we walked on. Well it turns out it was just the ground SHE walked on. i obviously knew something was wrong, and on the ride home she was like "yeah i hung out with him all week". I kinda felt she was holding something back but i didnt say anything. Then i see shes texting this guy ALL THE TIME. seriously. I dont read other people text messages or anything but anytime i would oogle somethign on her phone, or be playing a game she would get a text from him. So... i ask her and she says they are just friends... Okay skip ahead a month or so... and she breaks up with me. for seemingly no reason. And the next day, she updates her relationship status to in a realtionship with the guy from the camp.... Seriously. 
So i see her at marching band practice and i confronted her about it. And she go's in a yelling fit and all my freinds and i are just kinda laughing at her getting so worked up(i was mad too but i didnt show it) and she kinda storms off and gets all pissed. So... fast forward a week or so and my freinds in band in her "circle" tell me that she has been bragging about having sex with "steve" while we were still together and how sneaky it was. And this is after she has broken up with this guy too, and guess what, she has another boyfriend. And she goes on to spread rumors of my Penis size. They were less than flattering. Well... My friends in band all tell me about her saying these things and we go to confront her about it in band class that day and when we walk into class she is in the directors office... This is where it gets seriously ....ed up. 
He tells me to come in the office and shut the door behind him. I tell him that i would rather not be in a confined space with "that". (thats exactly how i said it) Which didnt really help my case because apparently she had told him that my best freind and i had been spreading rumors that she was a "slut" around the entire school and that her "image" was ruined forever. We did nothing of the sort. I would have loved to but i am above spreading rumors like that. And long story short she gets her parents to come to the school and this turns into a HUGE Clusterf()ck of lies and cheating terribleness. Seriously, school officials (including my current GF's mom, princibles, school board members and anyone else you can think of get dragged into this) I eventually came out as the only one with a strait story the entire time and she ended up quiting band and changing all her classes. ( i just recently found out that during all this cluster f()ck, my best freind of 6 years to this day had sex with superbitch5000 behind my back and i dont know if i should confront him about it or not thats kinda what this post was about and what im asking advice about. )


----------



## Bekanor

Do you mean confront him in an "I can't believe you slept with my ex, you're a dick" way or a "Dude, she's a ....ing psycho, bail" way?

Because if she was a bitch then who cares who she sleeps with? By the same token, definitely warn your friend about her being mental. He'll either believe you and take your warning to heart or get pissy and tell you off, in which case he'll learn a very important lesson about the importance of girls vs friends.


----------



## donray1527

Bekanor said:


> Do you mean confront him in an "I can't believe you slept with my ex, you're a dick" way or a "Dude, she's a ....ing psycho, bail" way?
> 
> Because if she was a bitch then who cares who she sleeps with? By the same token, definitely warn your friend about her being mental. He'll either believe you and take your warning to heart or get pissy and tell you off, in which case he'll learn a very important lesson about the importance of girls vs friends.


Well the thing is, he was always behind me through this entire ordeal. He's the person i'd talk to about it. He knows shes crazy cause thats all we talked about at that time. It was just a shitty thing to do as a friend. It's just been a few years and i dont know if i should bring it up with him.

edit: i just found out about this through a mutual friend of ours. She was kinda drunk and just kinda let it slip.


----------



## BucketheadRules

donray1527 said:


> Well the thing is, he was always behind me through this entire ordeal. He's the person i'd talk to about it. He knows shes crazy cause thats all we talked about at that time. It was just a shitty thing to do as a friend. It's just been a few years and i dont know if i should bring it up with him.
> 
> edit: i just found out about this through a mutual friend of ours. She was kinda drunk and just kinda let it slip.



If it was a few years ago I would personally leave it... I can understand how that would sting though.


----------



## Konfyouzd

So... She hit me up Monday and now she ignores all my calls/messages... We had a good convo on Monday too. Oh well...

We were supposed to go to a movie tomorrow night, but if I don't hear from her I'm probably going to stop hitting her up/responding when she actually does say anything. This isn't really a game I want to be roped into...


----------



## UnderTheSign

Another night of movies, beer & cuddling... Upon saying goodbye she asked if we should "do the Facebook thing". Guess it's 'official' now.


----------



## no_dice

Konfyouzd said:


> So... She hit me up Monday and now she ignores all my calls/messages... We had a good convo on Monday too. Oh well...
> 
> We were supposed to go to a movie tomorrow night, but if I don't hear from her I'm probably going to stop hitting her up/responding when she actually does say anything. This isn't really a game I want to be roped into...



That's lame, dude. I was talking to a girl like that for a while. When I ignored her, she'd be up my ass, but when I was making an effort, she blew me off. I decided she wasn't worth the headache.


----------



## Konfyouzd

At least I didn't spend $ on another pointless date. I'm liking this trend of finding out it's not worth the effort early.


----------



## ASoC

glassmoon0fo said:


> Badass dude! what corps did you march with?





donray1527 said:


> Dude i love DCI. lol you better be a bluecoat.
> 
> jk they are all good.



I was a Santa Clara Vanguard Cadet this past summer, but I'm going out for the A-Corps next season


----------



## BucketheadRules

Konfyouzd said:


> At least I didn't spend $ on another pointless date. I'm liking this trend of finding out it's not worth the effort early.



Every cloud


----------



## Negav

Update - So in my road to overcome shyness and stop liking my best friend I achieved something. So yesterday I left college a bit later than expected. On my way to the bus terminal there is a stop. There was this cute girl there waiting for the bus and I decided to talk to her. Started with "how long have you been here?" and we kept talking, talked on the bus, and talked where were were dropped off. At one point my voice cracked (I'm 19 almost 20, weird)... super embarrassing but she didn't make anything of it, must be because of talking too much. Later found out she has a boyfriend and maybe she might be engaged ( at 17 ). It was a fun talk. I learned I can run out of subjects quickly but I kept going. This really made me think that if I could talk to her like that I could with other girls. 
As for my friend I haven't seen her since Monday (it's Friday where I live) and wont see her until Monday. I won't text her to hang out or anything. If she texts me to hang out I will go. But I wont look for her. My plans are to hang out with her next week and then to start appearing busy. 

On the other hand I also learned it is pointless to be stuck liking a girl in college when there are so many. Yesterday I went to a Organic Chemistry 'Discussion" Class and there were these two cute girls who gazed at me since I went in until the class was over. On my Organic Chemistry lab there are more cute girls, and so on with other classes. I'll try to get to know as many girls as I can and learn to flirt without seeming desperate. Everyone wish me luck, and good luck to everyone.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Sexy sammich chick at Wawa... 

I want that.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

@negay, word up man! You hit it dead on, there are lots out there and they're all looking for a good man amongst needy boys. Those girls may have noticed you simply because your new confidence may have changed your body language. I highly recommend to everyone here that you so a thorough study on body language, because believe it or not most of our real communication is done on the deeper level of body language. Women can't believe what a man says, but they trust a tall stance and steady gaze instantly. And, you don't need luck when you're good, so get that game tight and make your own luck bros


----------



## zakattak192

I'm 20. Every girl that thinks I'm cute turns out to be 16. Never 18. Not even 17. Always 16. Without fail.

It's like some higher power is trying to set me up to be a pedophile. 

Sigh.


----------



## sniperfreak223

zakattak192 said:


> I'm 20. Every girl that thinks I'm cute turns out to be 16. Never 18. Not even 17. Always 16. Without fail.
> 
> It's like some higher power is trying to set me up to be a pedophile.
> 
> Sigh.



could be worse...you could only attract married women like me.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

I'm terribly in doubt, because my gf is becoming depressed again. She has fears and stuff and is mentally not very stable. And I'm not someone who can live with such things, I always want to help when someone feels bad and if I can't fix it I can't stand it. And this is even worse because it's so close to me.


----------



## Church2224

Some inspiration


----------



## Ibanezsam4

YJGB said:


> I'm terribly in doubt, because my gf is becoming depressed again. She has fears and stuff and is mentally not very stable. And I'm not someone who can live with such things, I always want to help when someone feels bad and if I can't fix it I can't stand it. And this is even worse because it's so close to me.



as someone who has been suffering from a lot of depression lately, you can't fix it; only she can fix it. 

it blows because its either chemical of external, but its a monster you have to face on your own. you can be there with her, hold her through the bad times and let her know that you'll be there through good and bad. 

but if not... dont prolong holding onto her... it makes it harder to deal with. sorry to be blunt but its the truth.


----------



## abandonist

In 4 years y'all won't even care about the trim you're chasing now.

I promise.

I''ve been that vulnerable, suicidal, prick before. It's not worth your time no matter what you feel now.

I've been married to an undeniably hot chick for 7 years now - things get better.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Ibanezsam4 said:


> as someone who has been suffering from a lot of depression lately, you can't fix it; only she can fix it.
> 
> it blows because its either chemical of external, but its a monster you have to face on your own. you can be there with her, hold her through the bad times and let her know that you'll be there through good and bad.
> 
> but if not... dont prolong holding onto her... it makes it harder to deal with. sorry to be blunt but its the truth.



I have assured her that I am here for her, but this is the second time this is happening, and the last time this was also the reason why it ended. But I do really love her very much, I just can't stand depression. I live a 40 minute drive away from her, so I can't just walk there in 5 minutes which makes it hrd to always be there for her. But I love her, and she loves me, that is the reason why I am so concerned about her depression.


----------



## Konfyouzd

YJGB said:


> I'm terribly in doubt, because my gf is becoming depressed again. She has fears and stuff and is mentally not very stable. And I'm not someone who can live with such things, I always want to help when someone feels bad and if I can't fix it I can't stand it. And this is even worse because it's so close to me.



This is precisely why I need to STOP talking to certain women... But when they're not depressed they can be wonderful wonderful people.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Konfyouzd said:


> This is precisely why I need to STOP talking to certain women... But when they're not depressed they can be wonderful wonderful people.



For me she is the most beautiful, lovely and caring woman in the world, I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. But she is very sensitive for changes.


----------



## SevenStringSam

man thats not as biiig as a problem as youd think, look into teas and herbs with anti depressant qualities, specifically ones with an RIMA in them, some maois but rimas are much safer, look into things like syrian rue tea, passionflower tea, ect. just have her try them and see if theres any improvement in stability of mood/outlook on life. if nothing changes then its no big deal since it was just trying a week or two of tea drinking lol


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

SevenStringSam said:


> man thats not as biiig as a problem as youd think, look into teas and herbs with anti depressant qualities, specifically ones with an RIMA in them, some maois but rimas are much safer, look into things like syrian rue tea, passionflower tea, ect. just have her try them and see if theres any improvement in stability of mood/outlook on life. if nothing changes then its no big deal since it was just trying a week or two of tea drinking lol



She loves tea. So that might be worth a try. But then again, if it doesn't work it doesn't mean there's no problem, because she's still not positive. But I shouldn't really be posting this all, it's something I should find out myself. Guess I just had to get it off my chest.


----------



## Konfyouzd

YJGB said:


> For me she is the most beautiful, lovely and caring woman in the world, I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. But she is very sensitive for changes.



You've been with this one longer than I've been dealing with the ones I'm talking about. I think you have a bit more invested. I honestly don't know some of these chicks all that well and they're far too difficult to deal with for me to continue wanting to be there for them. 

I'm not Captain Save-a-Hoe... If it'd been my gf for a while I'd be more willing to work it out with some of these girls, but I don't love any of them... I don't know them enough to. So for me, it's best to just roll out.


----------



## SevenStringSam

YJGB said:


> She loves tea. So that might be worth a try. But then again, if it doesn't work it doesn't mean there's no problem, because she's still not positive. But I shouldn't really be posting this all, it's something I should find out myself. Guess I just had to get it off my chest.



ehhhh these teas like most herbal teas with big benefits, taste like asshole lol. but dont feel bad about posting it, when one needs help and they dont have or dont know the answer its good to turn others


----------



## Negav

SevenStringSam said:


> ehhhh these teas like most herbal teas with big benefits, taste like asshole lol. but dont feel bad about posting it, when one needs help and they dont have or dont know the answer its good to turn others



Worth a try though, maybe blend them with mint tea? Although you have think if you really love her, and what might be the reason for that depression, what is affecting her. You have to see if its something she can let go easily, or maybe even have her go to a psychologist. If you don't love her enough let her go. If you love her a lot then try the teas and psychology. 

Hope everything is good.


----------



## SevenStringSam

this is just personal but after spending more than half my life seeing a psychologist about depression among other things.. ive come to my conclusion that they are horrible people. in the end they would just put her on medication. BAD BAD BAD. thats why i mentioned syrian rue, its a VERY potent rima (like an maoi but inhibits only alpha and not beta making it safe to take with other meds and there no foods that can kill you unlike with maoi) mixing with mint would help.. but because of the rue (which isnt too bad just super overpowering) id add pure menthol crystals to kill the flavor, but due to the rue as it and the properties of mint that might be a slightly psychedelic mix so id advise against it.

a lot of times people also misunderstand depression. they tend to think of it as an actual condition.. but really its just a part of human life that was turned into a way to make money off people. the meds they use for depression are NOT good things to have in your body, people laugh at the whole holistic thing but really look into it. 2 years of holistic adventures have made me feel legit trillions times better than 9 years of therapy and meds


----------



## Konfyouzd

Almost every aspect of human life is compartmentalized into a "condition" that you need medication for lest you be ridiculed by all the rest of the world (who won't admit they go through the same things). The media is a marvelous marvelous thing...


----------



## SevenStringSam

Konfyouzd said:


> Almost every aspect of human life is compartmentalized into a "condition" that you need medication for lest you be ridiculed by all the rest of the world (who won't admit they go through the same things). The media is a marvelous marvelous thing...



no.. not really, the media is so sheepy its amazing lol. so easily influenced "here we have money and power, tell people our opinions and make them seem like the absolute answer!'' yeah.. great..


----------



## Konfyouzd

I know... I wasn't being serious.


----------



## SevenStringSam

lol yes yes i know i was just givin ya a hard time


----------



## Negav

Guys, today I learned something: Never send the last text. 

Women seem more interested in you if you don't. 

Example (-)you, (*) girl:

*Take care, text me if you need anything.
-Alright, you too. 
*Alright 
End.

If you send a last , you might look too needy. 
Little something for ya'll out there.

Meanwhile update: Didn't hang out with my "best friend" she simply didn't text. I'm starting to think the best friend feeling isn't mutual. If I ever see her this week I'll ask her what I am to her to get it over with. On the other hand I talked with a girl I hadn't talked with in a long time, flawlessly. I'm becoming more fluent on the matter. 

@YJGB I wish you the best of luck.


----------



## sniperfreak223

oh...single again  hello forever alone club. maybe I just need to stop falling for the broken ones.

maybe I'll just give it up and actually sign up to one of those dating sites...all I seem to get otherwise are married chicks and depressed chicks with checkered pasts.


----------



## flint757

SevenStringSam said:


> this is just personal but after spending more than half my life seeing a psychologist about depression among other things.. ive come to my conclusion that they are horrible people. in the end they would just put her on medication. BAD BAD BAD. thats why i mentioned syrian rue, its a VERY potent rima (like an maoi but inhibits only alpha and not beta making it safe to take with other meds and there no foods that can kill you unlike with maoi) mixing with mint would help.. but because of the rue (which isnt too bad just super overpowering) id add pure menthol crystals to kill the flavor, but due to the rue as it and the properties of mint that might be a slightly psychedelic mix so id advise against it.
> 
> a lot of times people also misunderstand depression. they tend to think of it as an actual condition.. but really its just a part of human life that was turned into a way to make money off people. the meds they use for depression are NOT good things to have in your body, people laugh at the whole holistic thing but really look into it. 2 years of holistic adventures have made me feel legit trillions times better than 9 years of therapy and meds



Nice over-generalization based solely on your own personal experience. Psychiatrists can put you on drugs, a psychologist cannot. If you truly believe in holistic methods then see a holistic psychologist; I have been for awhile now and she's been great. 

No medication is good or bad by its own nature. The issue is some people don't need it, need something less potent, or could be taught to cope more appropriately. That being said, some people do in fact need medication. My mother can't even get to a point of coping with her anxiety because she can't get past feeling anxious ALL THE TIME. I know quite a few bi-polar people as well who 'think' they don't need medication, that they are just fine without it and that it made them feel weird (news flash you're supposed to feel a little different). Anyhow, one of them in particular, when not on medication, is irresponsible, gotten into several car accidents, starts stealing, has a drug problem, unbelievable mood swings etc. I'm afraid holistic methods just don't work for all illnesses/disorders and certainly not all severity of illnesses including depression. I do not think, however, that people should just permanently be on anxiety/depression medication which is a genuine problem.



sniperfreak223 said:


> maybe I just need to stop falling for the broken ones.



I always fall for broken women. It goes hand-in-hand with my slightly compulsive need to fix things and my attachment to doing so.


----------



## Konfyouzd

sniperfreak223 said:


> maybe I just need to stop falling for the broken ones.



Yes... I've found that I always end up thinking... "She's such an amazing person whe she's not ____" And that condition in the blank is typically a deal breaker I ignore for reasons I can't really justify. Leave the broken ones alone.


----------



## SevenStringSam

yes i know it was a gross generalization and thats my bad, like ive stated before if im even slightly tired how i talk always comes out wrong lol. but you did bring up good points. though i didnt mean what i said as an absolute, some people do NEED to be on meds this is true. but in my personal opinion a good majority of those who are currently on meds do not truly need to be. as to feeling weird on some drugs, i meant that a bit different. take 2 benzos just for example since its easy. say one leaves you feeling foggy and just its noticeable that your on a medication, and the other is much more clear and feels more like your anxiety is naturally gone verses being suppressed. anyways thats just what i meant with that.


----------



## sniperfreak223

flint757 said:


> I always fall for broken women. It goes hand-in-hand with my slightly compulsive need to fix things and my attachment to doing so.



pretty much the same here...I'm one of those broken souls that channels his pain into a need to help others, but for some reason the women I've dated have never wanted to be helped. I just can't tell you how many relationships have ended with her saying something like "you have a big heart and a lot of love to give, and that's just more than I deserve."


----------



## Konfyouzd

That's the definition of broken... Complain all the time about the things that are wrong but then don't seem to want to be helped but want things to be better despite doing nothing on their own to be helped. I'm not really a religious man, but it always reminds me of the cripple in the Bible that was complaining that he couldn't make it to the healing waters because he was crippled...



sniperfreak223 said:


> "you have a big heart and a lot of love to give, and that's just more than I deserve."



That's just dumb shit women say when they wanna fvck someone else, but for some reason they think that sort of shit means as much to us as it would to them...


----------



## flint757

SevenStringSam said:


> yes i know it was a gross generalization and thats my bad, like ive stated before if im even slightly tired how i talk always comes out wrong lol. but you did bring up good points. though i didnt mean what i said as an absolute, some people do NEED to be on meds this is true. but in my personal opinion a good majority of those who are currently on meds do not truly need to be. as to feeling weird on some drugs, i meant that a bit different. take 2 benzos just for example since its easy. say one leaves you feeling foggy and just its noticeable that your on a medication, and the other is much more clear and feels more like your anxiety is naturally gone verses being suppressed. anyways thats just what i meant with that.



Yeah, some people don't need it. That's why people should see a psychologist for a long while prior to going to a psychiatrist IMO. Try and work it out first by life practices and other holistic remedies. If that doesn't work, after sincere effort, then go see a psychiatrist. 

A psychiatrist 'should' be starting with the lowest dose possible. It is just as much the psychiatrist and psychologists responsibility as it is the individuals to keep a good record of their behavior, health and feelings while on the medication. People should also keep seeing a psychologist along with their psychiatrist. 

The reason a psychiatrist recommends med's is not just because of insurance, but because it is their expertise. It's human nature to seek solutions for problems within our area of expertise before moving on to something different. A psychiatrist is just not the right person to be seeing if you absolutely don't want to be on medication for that very reason. A psychologist, however, is well versed in teaching people to cope and recognize their problems.


----------



## Negav

Update - Feeling horrible. Today ( at this moment ) i'm hanging out with my friend... It'll be the last day. She noticed me being different and has been asking why I keep saying I'm ok. I just can't hang out with her anymore. I mean she literally has no interest in looking for me. I had to call her twice and convince her to hang out. I feel like shit.

I hope you all are having a better day.


----------



## Negav

So I couldn't do it... Ended up telling her what I was thinking. Haven't been able to say it well but I told her that It wasn't that cool that I liked her and she didn't like me, since I'm bad at explaining I almost make her cry. I told her that I needed her help for me to stop liking her. I thin kI made a mistake. Later I'll tell her to forget what I said because I don't want to put that weight on her back. So yeah I'm noot only feeling horrible, I'm miserable. So I"m going to tell her that adn then after we hang out I won't ever look for her nor see her again. I think it is better for everyone. I'll give you guys an update later. 
Good luck to everyone and again, I hope you're all having a good day


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Negav said:


> So I couldn't do it... Ended up telling her what I was thinking. Haven't been able to say it well but I told her that It wasn't that cool that I liked her and she didn't like me, since I'm bad at explaining I almost make her cry. I told her that I needed her help for me to stop liking her. I thin kI made a mistake. Later I'll tell her to forget what I said because I don't want to put that weight on her back. So yeah I'm noot only feeling horrible, I'm miserable. So I"m going to tell her that adn then after we hang out I won't ever look for her nor see her again. I think it is better for everyone. I'll give you guys an update later.
> Good luck to everyone and again, I hope you're all having a good day



Calm down first, then ask her if she wants to talk. Then explain how you were nervous and explained it wrong. Then calm yourself down again and then calmly explain you have some difficulties with accepting she doesn't like you. If she is a friend she'll probably understand it. But only if you explain it calmly and well thought out.

Keyword is calm.


----------



## MFB

Mayhaps type it out first and present it to her, generally that works because you get to do it before hand and not freestylin' of the dome (off to the top of your head for non-jive speakers)


----------



## Dan_Vacant

There was a ex of mine asking about friends with benefits. I told her emotions would get in the way, we haven't done shit and she "likes" me again. I would honestly prefer hanging out, cuddling and watching movies.... WTF is wrong with me. I think it's cause I'm 18 and the world is huge, and scary.


----------



## sniperfreak223

^I recently had an ex call me, stone cold sober, and tell me she missed my dick...I gave her much the same response, and haven't heard from her since.


----------



## chassless

well I guess I can rant a bit here. spill the beans. be part of the SSO family 

(big wall 'o text incoming)

I had been with my girlfriend for a year and a few months, and about 6 months on another instance before, so our total time together was close to 2 years. 

about 2 months ago she started acting pretty weird and distant. she also behaved like a child and make quite a few absurd mistakes which I still have trouble forgiving her for until now. but I was a bit too soft on her and I let it slip.

after those tensions and distance she came up to me and asked for a break. I told her I respect her feelings and honestly but now really is not the time for it, we were in a delicate position and a break would seriously jeopardize our relationship. she insisted, arguing that It might heal our relationship and help us start fresh. I conceded, somewhat reluctantly.

however 2 weeks after into our break I felt that what I had feared was becoming true : my everyday life had become mechanical, boring, terribly lonely and pretty void. I couldn't spend another minute without wondering where could she be, what could she be doing, and of course, if she was still thinking about me.

I broke our agreement and called her and we met up. I told her this couldn't go on, that after the mistakes she made and that break she pretty much imposed, I felt that I was living in some limbo, where I didn't know who I was anymore. we needed to make a decision. she said she wanted to stay with me.

a week later, we had gone out twice. but she almost never answered my calls or texts, and when she answered she didn't seem enthusiastic to answer or to see me at all.

until one Saturday morning, when I simply said "hello ! wake up !" on whatsapp. I had to wait until 1 pm for her to show some signs of life. when she answered her home line, I heard her saying she was going out with her brother and her friends. she didn't think of inviting me, but I didn't bring it up. I asked "well are we still going in town later tonight with my friends ?" (which we agreed on two days earlier) she then said, in a hesitating and nervous tone, that she was going to a rave god knows where.

I broke it off right there. I made it clear to her that this is not the way I wanted to be treated by a 2 year girlfriend and that I couldn't handle it anymore.

I'm still pretty pissed when I think about what we had and how absurdly fast it ended.


----------



## kchay

@YJGB, I wish you the best of luck man. I agree with whoever mentioned that the doctors' prescriptions are not much good; they made me kinda worse in the end.


----------



## SevenStringSam

so, my girlfriend got sexually harassed at work and is getting a 20 grand lump sum (bribe) so she wont sue lol as much as i tried to tell her no.. shes giving me half soooooo expect some insane ngds from me  best girlfriend ever lol


----------



## wannabguitarist

sniperfreak223 said:


> oh...single again  hello forever alone club. maybe I just need to stop falling for the broken ones.
> 
> maybe I'll just give it up and actually sign up to one of those dating sites...all I seem to get otherwise are married chicks and depressed chicks with checkered pasts.



It sucks but enjoy the small victories. Since my girlfriend moved out I've been able too:
-Start a collection of beer bottles on top of rig. Adds tone and looks metal
-Drink said beer after going to gym without guilt trips or funny looks
-Spend "date" money on beer
-Eat fairly shitty food like white bread without any nagging
-Play more guitar
-Go to more shows
-Chase other women

And she was actually really cool so if this girl wasn't absolutely awesome think of all the little things you're gonna get back now 

Oh, and dating sites are actually pretty good for picking easy women. It takes a bit of time to set everything up and learn a new sort of "game" but once you get it down you should easily be able to get a few numbers. As long as you don't make your intentions totally clear (because a lot of people find trolling dating sites for sex kind of creepy) and you're decently charming it's not hard to get a few first/second date hookups or future late night visitors


----------



## flint757

chassless said:


> I'm still pretty pissed when I think about what we had and how absurdly fast it ended.



You sound a bit clingy bro. She asked for distance and you wouldn't give it to her. You then forced her to make a decision when she was trying to sort things out so she told you what you wanted to here. So then she does exactly what she intended, get some distance, and you get irritated.

If she is asking for a break then the relationship is already in jeopardy and going with the flow, like you seem to have wanted, would not resolve this issue. I'm assuming the mistake is she cheated on you. If that's the case then there is already a rift in your relationship. Given some of what you posted I'd consider what part you've played in the success/failures in your relationship so that you can have better luck in your future endeavors.


----------



## chassless

^ you're right about pretty much everything you've said. the rift between us was when i started my job. i found myself with so much less time to spend with her. i know i sound clingy, which i think i am, reasonably enough. given everything i still feel somewhat victimized because i've given a lot of myself for that relationship and then suddenly everything happened like a silly plot device in a crappy tv show, when the writers needed something to create some random drama. ah well.

on a lighter note, we're still in contact. that gives me some hope, because i really care for that silly little girl ...

Edit : i should try to stay realistic. learning for the future really is the best thing to do now and i thank you for your comment. time to drop-and-chug a bit now.


----------



## tacotiklah

chassless said:


> well I guess I can rant a bit here. spill the beans. be part of the SSO family
> 
> (big wall 'o text incoming)
> 
> I had been with my girlfriend for a year and a few months, and about 6 months on another instance before, so our total time together was close to 2 years.
> 
> about 2 months ago she started acting pretty weird and distant. she also behaved like a child and make quite a few absurd mistakes which I still have trouble forgiving her for until now. but I was a bit too soft on her and I let it slip.
> 
> after those tensions and distance she came up to me and asked for a break. I told her I respect her feelings and honestly but now really is not the time for it, we were in a delicate position and a break would seriously jeopardize our relationship. she insisted, arguing that It might heal our relationship and help us start fresh. I conceded, somewhat reluctantly.
> 
> however 2 weeks after into our break I felt that what I had feared was becoming true : my everyday life had become mechanical, boring, terribly lonely and pretty void. I couldn't spend another minute without wondering where could she be, what could she be doing, and of course, if she was still thinking about me.
> 
> I broke our agreement and called her and we met up. I told her this couldn't go on, that after the mistakes she made and that break she pretty much imposed, I felt that I was living in some limbo, where I didn't know who I was anymore. we needed to make a decision. she said she wanted to stay with me.
> 
> a week later, we had gone out twice. but she almost never answered my calls or texts, and when she answered she didn't seem enthusiastic to answer or to see me at all.
> 
> until one Saturday morning, when I simply said "hello ! wake up !" on whatsapp. I had to wait until 1 pm for her to show some signs of life. when she answered her home line, I heard her saying she was going out with her brother and her friends. she didn't think of inviting me, but I didn't bring it up. I asked "well are we still going in town later tonight with my friends ?" (which we agreed on two days earlier) she then said, in a hesitating and nervous tone, that she was going to a rave god knows where.
> 
> I broke it off right there. I made it clear to her that this is not the way I wanted to be treated by a 2 year girlfriend and that I couldn't handle it anymore.
> 
> I'm still pretty pissed when I think about what we had and how absurdly fast it ended.




Allow me to give a girl's perspective on this, as well as someone that's been in long-term relationships with both men and women. This is not meant to put you down, but merely to get you to see things from her perspective:

>Things are rocky (you say from her being childish, but it is entirely possible she felt the same about you as well) and she asks for space

>You don't respect her request and argue with her before conceding. This is a no-no. Love is about respect; it goes both ways, but when your significant other asks for space, please respect it.

>During the space you became bored and felt void. Naturally space would create this. That said, it's not HER job to fill your void. This is something you have to do on your own, regardless if you have a relationship with her or not. It's doubly true that you have to fill that on your own if you're on a break.

>You broke your break. This is where your biggest mistake was made. As I said, trust and respect are the foundation of a relationship. By breaking your word (saying you'd take the break), that further eroded her trust in you. It also eroded her respect for you because you couldn't give her the mutual respect. For us girls, a guy doing this comes off as super clingy and kinda creepy. At this point, I too would probably become even more distant, if not just ending it right then and there. She also probably felt pressured into making a decision, so she said yes.

>She didn't want to see you because (and again I call it like I see it man, so this is gonna sound mean, but it's true) you more or less bullied and pressured her into deciding to stay and she resented you for it.

>She was likely busy, and getting mad at her for getting back to you at a later time in the day sounds pretty unreasonable, especially in light of the fact that she isn't happy with you.

The one good thing out of all of it that you did was just end it. Things had gone from bad to worse and judging from things, she felt pretty trapped. And honestly, you didn't like how things were developing either. All trust and respect for each other was non-existent at that point.

Again, I type all of this because these are mistakes I've made before and I feel it only right to try and help out by giving some tough love. Right now you're pretty mad about how things could have been better, but always remember that it takes two to make a relationship. I'm also not saying that everything is your fault either, and there's likely a lot of mistakes that she made as well. The thing is... you can't fix or change the mistakes she made, only the ones you made yourself. 

This is all coming from a random person on the internet, so take what I say with a truckload of salt. It's just a different perspective on things.


----------



## chassless

thanks for the insight. it really makes much sense.



ghstofperdition said:


> >You don't respect her request and argue with her before conceding. This is a no-no. Love is about respect; it goes both ways, but when your significant other asks for space, please respect it.



i'm not really arguing just for the sakes of it, but it's what i did at first. she came clean and said she wanted to be honest with her own emotions, which i truly respected and were it not for that i wouldn't have accepted that break in the first place. however eventually i really couldn't help but feel that something was just too unfair, and i really wanted to do something about it. it was most probably a mistake of mine to interrupt her space but i really couldn't bear it much more.



ghstofperdition said:


> >She was likely busy, and getting mad at her for getting back to you at a later time in the day sounds pretty unreasonable, especially in light of the fact that she isn't happy with you.



completely true, however at a moment 5 days went by and i barely heard anything from her. she wouldn't answer any of my calls or texts, and barely tried to contact me at all. that was before she came up to me to talk about the break. there was no warning, she just cut off. all of that was especially strange considering that before these 5 days we would talk every few hours. it's not that i'm possessive or needy but it was quite a sudden switch from what we were both used to and i was really confused.


i really don't mean to contradict anything you're saying. your words really make much sense and i appreciate you sharing them very much. it just feels good to vent a bit. thanks again though !


----------



## flint757

chassless said:


> ^ you're right about pretty much everything you've said. the rift between us was when i started my job. i found myself with so much less time to spend with her. i know i sound clingy, which i think i am, reasonably enough. given everything i still feel somewhat victimized because i've given a lot of myself for that relationship and then suddenly everything happened like a silly plot device in a crappy tv show, when the writers needed something to create some random drama. ah well.
> 
> on a lighter note, we're still in contact. that gives me some hope, because i really care for that silly little girl ...
> 
> Edit : i should try to stay realistic. learning for the future really is the best thing to do now and i thank you for your comment. time to drop-and-chug a bit now.



No worries my intent was only to help.


----------



## Negav

SevenStringSam said:


> so, my girlfriend got sexually harassed at work and is getting a 20 grand lump sum (bribe) so she wont sue lol as much as i tried to tell her no.. shes giving me half soooooo expect some insane ngds from me  best girlfriend ever lol



Holy...can't wait!

Update - Finally sent a text to my friend explaining everything and saying that she wont be hearing from me for a while. She hasn't texted back nor called so I don't know if she has read it yet. I feel weird... I feel as if I have lost something I will never have back, as if she won't be my friend again. I hope that's not true.

Meanwhile cute girls checking me out is helping me with this, and I have become a little bit fluent talking to girls. 

Guys don't let life misfortunes bring you down. I've learned this, and I know they are to help us grow. Good luck to everyone and shredd your feelings away.

Edit - She just called. I had the chance to explain better and eventually she said "don't take too long, remember we still have a friendship here". I feel so much better. If only you guys knew.


----------



## texshred777

There's one thing I've been seeing a lot these last few pages that's bugging me.
I'm not calling out anyone in particular, btw.

Guys, why are you basing your own self worth on how women are acting towards you? They're flirting with you so it's a good day, you feel good about yourself. Oh, no one's reciprocating you're a piece of shit and will die alone.

Come one, guys. You're better than this.

Stop putting your emotions and self worth on other people. It's not their responsibility to make you happy and confident. In reality, no one else can really do that in a meaningful way. Such feelings of happiness and security are fleeting, gone at the first sign that someone is rejecting you or not appreciating you. 

TL;DR
Stop being so beta and needy. You are of worth, and stop telling yourself otherwise. If you have to start doing positive affirmations in the mirror everyday until you start believing it..do that. The words you say about yourself are powerful ones.


----------



## sniperfreak223

^if I'm implied, I assure you, I'm bipolar, and can go from stupidly happy to unshakably depressed in two seconds flat, whether or not a woman is involved. Though I may come across as bummed out, I'm actually quite happy now, even though I keep striking out with the ladies.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

I think I keep telling myself I love her because I don't want to hurt her. This is the second time I'm together with her, so I had to do it before and that felt horrible back then.

But I don't really know what to do. She doesn't act happy with me, she'd rather read than talk, she said to me it was horrible she had to wait the weekend before she can read the end of her book, because I'm going there this weekend. I don't really feel loved by her.


----------



## wannabguitarist

YJGB said:


> I think I keep telling myself I love her because I don't want to hurt her. This is the second time I'm together with her, so I had to do it before and that felt horrible back then.
> 
> But I don't really know what to do. She doesn't act happy with me, she'd rather read than talk, she said to me it was horrible she had to wait the weekend before she can read the end of her book, because I'm going there this weekend. I don't really feel loved by her.



Leave her  It sucks but neither of you sound happy. The longer you wait the harder it gets.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

wannabguitarist said:


> Leave her  It sucks but neither of you sound happy. The longer you wait the harder it gets.



I know, but it's so hard to do. She is getting depressed again, and she is pushing everyone away again. This is how it ended last time. But this really gives me the idea it is my fault. But I don't want to leave her, because I really do love her, but it feels like she doesn't in return, even though she says she does.


----------



## RevelGTR

That's a tough situation, but seriously, leave her. This time next year you will feel a million times better and probably have a more suitable girl.


----------



## Murmel

texshred777 said:


> There's one thing I've been seeing a lot these last few pages that's bugging me.
> I'm not calling out anyone in particular, btw.
> 
> Guys, why are you basing your own self worth on how women are acting towards you? They're flirting with you so it's a good day, you feel good about yourself. Oh, no one's reciprocating you're a piece of shit and will die alone.
> 
> Come one, guys. You're better than this.
> 
> Stop putting your emotions and self worth on other people. It's not their responsibility to make you happy and confident. In reality, no one else can really do that in a meaningful way. Such feelings of happiness and security are fleeting, gone at the first sign that someone is rejecting you or not appreciating you.
> 
> TL;DR
> Stop being so beta and needy. You are of worth, and stop telling yourself otherwise. If you have to start doing positive affirmations in the mirror everyday until you start believing it..do that. The words you say about yourself are powerful ones.



Definitely agree. You shouldn't need confirmation from others that you're awesome, all you gotta do it feel it yourself.

Take today for instance. I was gonna SnapChat with my friend and took a selfie, it turned out horrible so I took another one. And another.. and another... Turns out I'm not as good looking as I thought 
I don't really care though, as long as I wear myself in confident manner I will still feel good about myself.


----------



## sniperfreak223

I know I'm ugly and fat, but I try not to let that get me down, particularly in the relationship department, after all, if she's truly worth the effort she will be able to see past the exterior...at least that's how I like to look at it.


----------



## texshred777

Believe me guys, I get it. Growing up I was a fat kid, wore glasses, bad attitude, terrible acne, poor family, and socially awkward as hell. Oh yeah, I also wore shit like huge baggy pants and Korn(and other band) t shirts. That's sexy, eh? 

Well all of those insecurities didn't just disappear. I had to work on myself. Yeah, I dropped close to 100 pounds, yeah I improved my wardrobe. But the real change was I stopped telling myself I was a loser. I stopped telling myself I was worthless. 

Do whatever it takes for you to change your negative perceptions of yourself. Sure, fashion and physique may be shallow things to focus on, but in the end if it makes you feel good-do it.

Edit:
Look, if you feel sexy wearing JNCO's(or whoever makes that shit nowdays) and band t shirts do that.


----------



## Church2224

Tex speaks the truth. 

I was the guy who constantly wore jeans, camo pants, combat boots, and t shirts with guitar brands or bands on it all the time. I completely hated the world, and everyone around me, and thought I was a loser. For a long time I thought I would never find some one, and that if some one rejected me it was my fault. 

I had a girl I nearly killed myself over, who once told me that I was the greatest thing on the planet. Most people know the story, and that did not end well. For a while I kept beating myself up and thought I screwed everything up, and thought that I could not do any better. In reality, that girl had a LONG list of issues. She was into drugs, has issues with her family, and her previous boyfriends did a number to her psychologically. I also found out that she did like me, but she just thought she was not good enough for me. And she was right, she put up a facade the whole time I knew her, and she was not the person I thought she was. Then I met a girl right after that who I felt comfortable being myself around. She is much more real, much more into me, and also, MUCH more beautiful. I then realized I deserve better, MUCH better, and even if it does not work out, I know I can do better. 

Am I still insecure? Yeah but I am working on it. What you need to keep telling yourself is you deserve the best that you want, and settle for nothing less. You are more than worthy of what you want. It might take time but just realize that most good things in life take patience. Sure you need to put some effort into it, but that is with anything else in life. 

And never loose yourself in the process, keep being you.


----------



## SevenStringSam

so today was the day my girlfriend went in to deal with the whole situation and when she walked out she said not a single thing to me. nothing at all so i was naturally REALLY worried. she pulled a check out of her pocket. you guys... 

there was three digits on each side of that comma...


----------



## MFB

SevenStringSam said:


> so today was the day my girlfriend went in to deal with the whole situation and when she walked out she said not a single thing to me. nothing at all so i was naturally REALLY worried. she pulled a check out of her pocket. you guys...
> 
> there was three digits on each side of that comma...



Get ready to have the bank do some fraud investigating, last time I deposited a check with double digits like that my card got frozen for like a week. Also, 99% sure that's gonna have to go on your taxes next year since it's just money that came out of nowhere so they might come after you if you don't.


----------



## Negav

MFB said:


> Get ready to have the bank do some fraud investigating, last time I deposited a check with double digits like that my card got frozen for like a week. Also, 99% sure that's gonna have to go on your taxes next year since it's just money that came out of nowhere so they might come after you if you don't.



What if they cash it and then slowly deposit it? Can that be done? Man, banking and taxes are most of the time stupid.


----------



## flint757

Keep the deposits under $10,000 otherwise it'll get flagged. As for taxes it doesn't matter how slow or fast you do it, it's all the same. She might run into the issue more so though as I'm sure someone somewhere is aware she got that money. Something to consider before blowing it all as she might actually need some of it back.


----------



## MFB

Negav said:


> What if they cash it and then slowly deposit it? Can that be done? Man, banking and taxes are most of the time stupid.



Doesn't matter really, and I'd wager that doing investments over time for what would most likely be the same amount each time would draw MORE suspicion then just doing a lump sum and being done with it.

To keep this OT: I  money if that counts?


----------



## SevenStringSam

yeah im prepared for that lol most of its going back into my longboard business so that just booms and will throw us WAY ahead of expected schedule, besides that im only putting 10 in my checking, 10 in my savings, 5 im keeping cash, then 25 is going into the business, but im not really worried about the fraud thing or taxes since you know none of it was anything illegal on breanna or i's part lol


----------



## Negav

SevenStringSam said:


> yeah im prepared for that lol most of its going back into my longboard business so that just booms and will throw us WAY ahead of expected schedule, besides that im only putting 10 in my checking, 10 in my savings, 5 im keeping cash, then 25 is going into the business, but im not really worried about the fraud thing or taxes since you know none of it was anything illegal on breanna or i's part lol



Good way of dividing it! Hope you don't have tax problems however that works there. But hey...I dare you to get a custom, I double dare you.


----------



## texshred777

Or be responsible and buy a custom out of business profits. Just make sure to find out how much tax liablility that sum will bring and set that aside to begin with.


----------



## SevenStringSam

Taxes already accounted for, like i said im prepared. and custom is for absolute sure!! im thinking a skervesen but i cant decide if im going to do a 7 or an 8?


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

I broke up with her. She understood my situation. Now I'm going to sob uncontrolably and regain my masculinity. Brb.


----------



## Negav

YJGB said:


> I broke up with her. She understood my situation. Now I'm going to sob uncontrolably and regain my masculinity. Brb.



It was going to happen sooner or later. Just know that you are worth more than anything. Remember to grab your best guitar and let the feelings run though.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

I usually come here to give advice, but I just need to get something off my chest right now. Ive been casually seeing this great girl for a few months now, and though nothing is official (there are a few circumstances on both our ends that make a relationship not possible), I really started to like this girl. She was funny, energetic, driven, and shared a lot of the same values as me due to our similar upbringings. She wanted to hand Thursday but I had work so I asked if she was good Friday and she said "I havn't decided if I'm free or not yet". We usually mess with each other this way so I thought nothing of it. Anyway we hung out yesterday briefly before she had to go drop her friend off at work. Said she'd call me in 30 min. Two hours pass by and I sent her a message asking if she was getting out again tonight. She said she fell asleep and just woke up, but yes we would hang. I was already in the neighborhood so I stopped by her house, texting "pulling up in a sec". She said, "To my house? I have a friend over." when she'd JUST said she woke up. I pulled up right after that to see a big escalade in the driveway, and said "problem?" She said, "no I guess not, were about to watch a movie." Now, when her and I watch a movie we always end up having sex, so I took that as a huge .... YOU and said, "you've obviously got plans, and they don't envolve me so I'll see you." She said, "you can come in", didn't really try too hard though. I went to my friend's place to cool off a little and get some perspective on the situation, I mean we aren't together or anything but I thought she had more respect for me than that. Anyway, I left an hour and a half later, and rolled through her neighborhood to see what was up. Escalade was still there, lights were off. I didn't think I'd care so much, but I was absoloutly brokenhearted. Still am to some degree (this was last night), but I always say, if someone wants to walk out of your life, let them. Doesn't make it hurt any less though. Thanks for letting me bitch, I'll keep you updated when I find some new sugarwalls.


----------



## chassless

^ since there was nothing official between you two, you both are entitled to do whatever you want, but there still is something i understand though, is that it hurts when it happens without any prior notification ... something similar happened to me a couple of years back, there was a girl i was seeing for a few weeks until she didn't sound excited to meet up anymore, and then i coincidentially saw her with another guy going to the movies. i really didn't care about the guy she could do whatever she wanted for all i care, but i just wished she had talked to me before ! it only takes a little phone call ! but soon enough you will get over it just like i did.


----------



## texshred777

Yeah, officially nothing was established, and yes she is "justified" in doing whatever she pleases. 

That said, friend with benefits/fvck buddy relationships should come with honesty and communication, as any other relationship. Sharing intimacy with someone is bound to lead to feelings of attachment sooner or later. If one of you is seeing other people, or if that's something that may happen, I think the stand up move is to at least notify the other. I'd want to know if I'm about to go 8 balls deep.


----------



## chassless

texshred777 said:


> ... should come with honesty and communication, as any other relationship.



worth much more than


----------



## glassmoon0fo

I don't need advice, I already know that we weren't exclusive. But thanks anyway. I just caught some residual feelings unexpectedly, and as soon as I admitted that to myself, this happens so I wanted to vent. She called an hour ago and invited me to hang, but we had a talk about how the situation went down last night. She says nothing happened, but I don't believe her and that isn't the only point. If anyone out there is in any situation with someone who doesn't respect your time, or respect you enough to let you know she's got someone else going balls deep, you know what to do. 

In the end, it's all my fault. FWB situations can only be dragged out for so long, and though we both were very into each other for more than just sex, it really just wasn't meant to end any other way than a split. Sucks man, if things were different with her family and my profession, we'd have made a great couple.


----------



## Bekanor

Got the "I've got a lot going on in my life and I can't really handle a relationship right now" call last night, feels crappy but probably for the best, there wasn't a future there that I'd be happy being a part of. 

Time for that break from dating that I've been promising myself all year.

Luckily I have a mid-term tomorrow and an assignment due Friday so I don't have time for the feels.


----------



## Negav

Bekanor said:


> Got the "I've got a lot going on in my life and I can't really handle a relationship right now" call last night, feels crappy but probably for the best, there wasn't a future there that I'd be happy being a part of.
> 
> Time for that break from dating that I've been promising myself all year.
> 
> Luckily I have a mid-term tomorrow and an assignment due Friday so I don't have time for the feels.



Trust me you're better off that way. If you read my "getting over my best friend" posts you'll see that you got off lucky. If a girl doesn't want to be in a relationship with you let it be that way, focus on other things. And since you have a midterm and assignment I judge you're in college or high-school, keep in mind that there are many girls out there. If something I learned while on my adventure is that I was always looking right, when there were girls looking at me on my left. Don't focus on one girl since there are many out there. Open your eyes and you'll see them staring at you as you walk, study, or talk with your friends. And believe me this is true, I talk from experience. When I was liking my friend I thought nobody was interested since I never saw a girl looking at me. This was because I had her on my mind. I didn't actually like her as much as I thought. And now that I'm about to get over her I instantly notice about 2-3 girls checking me out. That was a huge ego boost. 
The point is don't let this get you down man, she was certainly not for you, and if she broke it off like that she wasn't even forth it. Take your time to do you and your things, and remember to keep your eyes open.


----------



## Bekanor

Negav said:


> Trust me you're better off that way. If you read my "getting over my best friend" posts you'll see that you got off lucky. If a girl doesn't want to be in a relationship with you let it be that way, focus on other things. And since you have a midterm and assignment I judge you're in college or high-school, keep in mind that there are many girls out there. If something I learned while on my adventure is that I was always looking right, when there were girls looking at me on my left. Don't focus on one girl since there are many out there. Open your eyes and you'll see them staring at you as you walk, study, or talk with your friends. And believe me this is true, I talk from experience. When I was liking my friend I thought nobody was interested since I never saw a girl looking at me. This was because I had her on my mind. I didn't actually like her as much as I thought. And now that I'm about to get over her I instantly notice about 2-3 girls checking me out. That was a huge ego boost.
> The point is don't let this get you down man, she was certainly not for you, and if she broke it off like that she wasn't even forth it. Take your time to do you and your things, and remember to keep your eyes open.



Yes I am in college (we call it university here), but at 29 I'm a bit too old for the girls on campus. Plus I hate the predictable early 20's liberal idealist discourse they all seem to have like I hate few other things. 

I appreciate the advice though, and the silver linings here aren't obscured by feeling crappy about the situation. For example, after I hand in my assignment on Friday I'm going to play league of legends with my housemates all weekend (or finally get around to The Last of Us if they're not keen). I'm actually really excited for it, as depressing as hanging out playing video games all weekend sounds to most.

I know there's other girls out there, but they can basically go .... themselves for a little while. The rest of this year is about me.


----------



## sniperfreak223

well, recently started video-chatting with a chick I met at our last gig...she's a cutie, but there are a few issues:

-she lives in upstate New York, 115 miles away from me.
-she's only 19 and the age difference makes me feel like a pedophile.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Whats the age difference?


----------



## sniperfreak223

six years.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Meh i've heard of worse man, but if you ain't comfortable it probs wont work.. IMO


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

sniperfreak223 said:


> six years.



After puberty age difference doesn't reallyatter. If it were you being 18 and her being 12, that'd be a different story. But in this case it doesn't matter that much. She's legal


----------



## Negav

YJGB said:


> After puberty age difference doesn't reallyatter. If it were you being 18 and her being 12, that'd be a different story. But in this case it doesn't matter that much. She's legal



Indeed, if she's legal you've got nothing to worry about. Although be on the look out, younger girls seem to be wilder and have unstable relationships. Hope she's not one of those girls. Also I'll take it she has a body. There is this cute girl that has been checking me out/ caught my attention. We're both 19 but she looks...young. So I basically know how you feel. You lose nothing with trying.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

sniperfreak223 said:


> -she's only 19 and the age difference makes me feel like a pedophile.



Just remember: half your age, plus seven.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

I hung out with a girl today, whom I dated. We sat at a park for two hours, talked and all that jazz. she seems more level headed now.


----------



## riffer_madness

SevenStringSam said:


> my girlfriend is huge in theatre and just got a part where she has to kiss another guy. so what the hell do i do. i know its gunna eat away at me. so what now?



Break up with her and find a girlfriend that knows that is totally wrong and would never even consider doing that.


----------



## riffer_madness

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Just remember: half your age, plus seven.



F that. 18 and over is legal! Attaboy to you!!!!!


----------



## flavenstein

riffer_madness said:


> Break up with her and find a girlfriend that knows that is totally wrong and would never even consider doing that.



If that problem has been eating away at him for three years now, there's not going to be much left. Seeing as how he is still posting in this thread three years later, we can probably assume that's not the case and that he's moved on to other problems.


----------



## Varcolac

Also, if kissing someone as part of a piece of theatre is "totally wrong," explain how actors ever maintain relationships.


----------



## wat

riffer_madness said:


> Break up with her and find a girlfriend that knows that is totally wrong and would never even consider doing that.



lol what? how is that wrong? did you miss the part where she said it's a play?

honestly only an insecure control freak would have a problem with that

edit: just realized it's from 3 years ago


----------



## SevenStringSam

wat said:


> lol what? how is that wrong? did you miss the part where she said it's a play?
> 
> honestly only an insecure control freak would have a problem with that
> 
> edit: just realized it's from 3 years ago



pretty much just described me at 15 man, i grew up in some bad situations and had some insanely deep rooted self esteem/security issues. but they were justified, for instance the girl i made this thread over cheated on me 5 times because of the whole theater thing making it really easy (and by cheating she was hooking up with a lot of the guys). but.. now.. i really could not care less and im just one hell of a happy little panda


----------



## wat

SevenStringSam said:


> pretty much just described me at 15 man, i grew up in some bad situations and had some insanely deep rooted self esteem/security issues. but they were justified, for instance the girl i made this thread over cheated on me 5 times because of the whole theater thing making it really easy (and by cheating she was hooking up with a lot of the guys). but.. now.. i really could not care less and im just one hell of a happy little panda



true that. i would have probly been pissed too at age 15


----------



## will_shred

Well, I just wrote a whole rant about how badly I want to leave my girlfriend, and with an quick slip of the finger the whole ....ing thing was erased. All I can say is, I want OUT. I can't stand being in a relationship anymore. Emotionally I keep to myself, because I do best that way. I could go on and list all the problems I have with her, but that would take to much time. long story short I can't leave her because shes really emotionally unstable, and all I want is to be able to flirt with hot girls again and hook up. .... this shit. I have exactly zero aspirations to get married, start a family, all that jazz. All I want is to play guitar and own a Porche 911 turbo and take it to Watkins Glenn when they have open circuit hours. 

I honestly would just like a .... buddy, I even have someone who would (talked to her about it) and I don't give a shit if she hooks up with other dudes, she wouldn't care if I hooked up with other gals. That kind of thing. I am not an emotionally deep person, I'm actually pretty simple in that regard. That's how I like it. I guess I just wanted to get that off my chest, speaking of which said ball and chain should be here any minute. 

Sorry for coming off as an asshole, I kind of am one. This has just been driving me mad and I've had about as much as I can take of the whole "love" thing.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

There's this girl I've known for about 4 years or so, and we're very good friends, we friendzoned eachother for funzies, kinda. But I think she wants to jump me when I'm going there tomorrow. I don't really know whether I should do it or not.

The friendship from her end probably won't suffer from it. From my side as well. Still doubting, and I don't know why...


----------



## will_shred

YJGB said:


> There's this girl I've known for about 4 years or so, and we're very good friends, we friendzoned eachother for funzies, kinda. But I think she wants to jump me when I'm going there tomorrow. I don't really know whether I should do it or not.
> 
> The friendship from her end probably won't suffer from it. From my side as well. Still doubting, and I don't know why...




If you don't think it will be a problem than i'd say go for it.

I would, but that's me.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

will_shred said:


> If you don't think it will be a problem than i'd say go for it.
> 
> I would, but that's me.



No, that's not you, that's being a man


----------



## -42-

will_shred said:


>



Leave her then. Her instability may be serious but she needs a therapist for that, not a boyfriend who can't deal with it. Emotional crutch relationships are draining and almost never end well for anyone involved.


----------



## will_shred

-42- said:


> Leave her then. Her instability may be serious but she needs a therapist for that, not a boyfriend who can't deal with it. Emotional crutch relationships are draining and almost never end well for anyone involved.



Damn straight she does, but she refuses go to go one. "i'm just fine" She says while on her 2nd day of not eating and barely sleeping because she can't even handle the first couple days of community college. 



> No, that's not you, that's being a man



I feel like there's a good amount of people (guys) who wouldn't go for it, so that's why I said it's just what I would do.


----------



## Negav

YJGB said:


> There's this girl I've known for about 4 years or so, and we're very good friends, we friendzoned eachother for funzies, kinda. But I think she wants to jump me when I'm going there tomorrow. I don't really know whether I should do it or not.
> 
> The friendship from her end probably won't suffer from it. From my side as well. Still doubting, and I don't know why...



Have you read my "getting over friend" posts? I'm telling you, if you jump on it, it won't be easy dealing with the relationship once it ends. You have to ask yourself a few things: How much do you care about her? Are you willing to lose her? Does she forgives/forgets easily? 

Think it through. Man I hope this post is not too late.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Negav said:


> Have you read my "getting over friend" posts? I'm telling you, if you jump on it, it won't be easy dealing with the relationship once it ends. You have to ask yourself a few things: How much do you care about her? Are you willing to lose her? Does she forgives/forgets easily?
> 
> Think it through. Man I hope this post is not too late.



Even though I like your enthousiasm, there's nothing to worry about. We're just friends, kind of best friends actually. We have been for 4 years by now, on and off. There won't be a relationship between me and her, probably because we've been friends for so long, a relationship would be terribly awkward. Plus, we tried a relationship 3,5 years ago, that went down the drain and we continued being best friends.


----------



## will_shred

Didn't leave her, still trying to fix things. I told her she needs help beyond anything I can possibly offer, she took it as i'm just blowing her off. She can't get it though her head, this isn't looking good.


----------



## Blitzie

will_shred said:


> Well, I just wrote a whole rant about how badly I want to leave my girlfriend, and with an quick slip of the finger the whole ....ing thing was erased. All I can say is, I want OUT. I can't stand being in a relationship anymore. Emotionally I keep to myself, because I do best that way. I could go on and list all the problems I have with her, but that would take to much time. long story short I can't leave her because shes really emotionally unstable, and all I want is to be able to flirt with hot girls again and hook up. .... this shit. I have exactly zero aspirations to get married, start a family, all that jazz. All I want is to play guitar and own a Porche 911 turbo and take it to Watkins Glenn when they have open circuit hours.
> 
> I honestly would just like a .... buddy, I even have someone who would (talked to her about it) and I don't give a shit if she hooks up with other dudes, she wouldn't care if I hooked up with other gals. That kind of thing. I am not an emotionally deep person, I'm actually pretty simple in that regard. That's how I like it. I guess I just wanted to get that off my chest, speaking of which said ball and chain should be here any minute.
> 
> Sorry for coming off as an asshole, I kind of am one. This has just been driving me mad and I've had about as much as I can take of the whole "love" thing.





will_shred said:


> Didn't leave her, still trying to fix things. I told her she needs help beyond anything I can possibly offer, she took it as i'm just blowing her off. She can't get it though her head, this isn't looking good.



Don't take this the wrong way, but you need to grow up. Your first post shows an unbelievable amount of immaturity on your part.

Does that mean that you need to stay with her? Absolutely not. It sounds like you're very unhappy and you want different things. In my opinion, and probably everyone elses, you should leave her. You need to be mature and say "I don't want to see you anymore, we're too far apart on what we want" and just be done with it.

You were so gung-ho about leaving her before and now you're trying to "fix" things? There isn't anything to fix. Your relationship isn't good and you need to grow up and walk away. If she can't handle that, that's her issue. You need to be respectful to yourself and her and just leave.


----------



## Negav

YJGB said:


> Even though I like your enthousiasm, there's nothing to worry about. We're just friends, kind of best friends actually. We have been for 4 years by now, on and off. There won't be a relationship between me and her, probably because we've been friends for so long, a relationship would be terribly awkward. Plus, we tried a relationship 3,5 years ago, that went down the drain and we continued being best friends.



In that case, if you guys can have a 'friends with benefits'-ship then, go ahead. You'll see if you've been missing out or not haha.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Hung out with the same girl as last time. Today she said something that sounded likeshe was hinting at a kiss, so I leaned in and kissed her. It was the first time I made the first move, and it felt good. so now she is asking why we aren't dating. I asked her the same she said cause I haven't asked her out. I don't want to do it over a text though.


----------



## incinerated_guitar

Dan_Vacant said:


> Hung out with the same girl as last time. Today she said something that sounded likeshe was hinting at a kiss, so I leaned in and kissed her. It was the first time I made the first move, and it felt good. so now she is asking why we aren't dating. I asked her the same she said cause I haven't asked her out. I don't want to do it over a text though.



Then just get her to go on another date, and then mid way through the date, just look at her and say "so are we making this official, or what?". Don't do the only "omg you wanna go out?! " thing that almost every 13-15 year old kid does.


----------



## RevelGTR

Say "I love you" while breathing heavily with your hand down your pants. Works every time.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

WSchaferJR said:


> Say "I love you" while breathing heavily with your hand down your pants. Works every time.


I tell her I'll rub my dick on her face if she shows me her tits... but she just laughs. I may have to try your way.


----------



## Negav

Dan_Vacant said:


> I tell her I'll rub my dick on her face if she shows me her tits... but she just laughs. I may have to try your way.



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Ok, this is gold. Might even use it in the future.


----------



## Bekanor

Went out with my buddy on the weekend and met his cute friend from work. Got her number. 

Could be good, could go absolutely nowhere, but for now I'm proud of myself for still having game a week after getting dumped.


----------



## Negav

Bekanor said:


> Went out with my buddy on the weekend and met his cute friend from work. Got her number.
> 
> Could be good, could go absolutely nowhere, but for now I'm proud of myself for still having game a week after getting dumped.


----------



## Bekanor

Negav said:


>



She bought me two beers and a big mac, that's definitely  worthy.


----------



## chassless

^ i first thought you meant an iMac. suddenly the burger pales in comparison


----------



## Bekanor

Speak for yourself, I'd take a burger over one of those things any day.


----------



## chassless

^ you better be careful with your cholesterol levels, an apple a day will keep the doctor away


----------



## Francis978

I'm at college and I met a girl (we have talked previously before) and we hit it off and have become quite close. The other night she kissed me and she stayed the night in my dorm. However later on that next day she said she wasn't over her ex that she has been on and off with for 5 years (they had hooked up yet again a month prior to move in date). She said she kissed me because she has feelings for me but was in no position to be with another. I asked her why she always went back with this guy, and she said because she was used to it because she knows that they just aren't good for each other. I asked her if she could see us together at all, and she said probably, but just because she said probably doesn't mean it's set in stone. I know this too

I still hang out with her, and today she was having an anxiety attack in her room while she was trying to sleep, so I came in and there were a few moments where we cuddled and such. It was great to cuddle with her, but it made me feel so much worse knowing that some other jackass is what stands in the way. 

I feel like I have to stick it out, but I don't know how to continue on with it. At some point I want to establish with her that I do have feelings for her, and that I do respect where she is coming from, and that I want to help her and I want to be there for her. 

All I want is a chance y'know? I am confident that I can make her happy. I just want a chance to show that I can. The optimism is hard to maintain though. 

I guess I'm not really looking for an answer per say, unless someone has advice on how to make this easier to deal with? 

Thanks for reading


----------



## sniperfreak223

there is a new girl at work who's been flirting with me constantly as of late, but due to the fact that I'm a supervisor she's off limits...it really sucks.


----------



## -42-

Got shot down tonight.






Yep.


----------



## DanakinSkywalker

-42- said:


> Got shot down tonight.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yep.



Sucks bro. But don't get discouraged, keep your head up and chest out around other chicks, confidence!


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Does any one worry that they are to boring? Cause I usually get home play bass and watch netflixs...


----------



## Murmel

^
I used to until I got more secure in myself, if you find the right person you're gonna be able to talk anyway. A good indicator of whether you've find him/her or not, is if you feel like you don't have to think before your speak, or force anything you say.
This is of course has to be mutual, you both have to feel this way about eachother.

I personally don't meet people like that often, I had luck meeting 3 of those during my high school years.


----------



## chassless

^ I have, it pretty much describes my life for the past few months. I felt as useless as a drone/old shoe/dying larvae. I guess i'm still discovering the woes of professional life  i'm hitting the gym today and will generally not just go back home after work/find interesting stuff to do. some things have to change


----------



## CrushingAnvil

Just re: the last couple of posts:

I've been studying logic this year and I have also begun considering a second degree in mathematics. I'm basically just constantly thinking about logic and mathematics, so I never talk to anyone when I'm in classes or tutorials. Girls don't pay me any attention and, to be honest, I don't pay them any attention myself. I'm so wrapped up in it I only talk to my best chum and my family in real life. 

I'm not sure it's healthy...and I'm not sure a lady would find what I'm interested in interesting. And telling her about the sweet new soldering iron I just bought or how I'm finally getting around to installing a CTS 500k linear taper pot for a volume application in my RG550 probably would probably yield the same results. 

So I don't think a potential partner needs to give two shits about what you're interested in, so long as they at least appreciate that it's important to you. 

btw in love with a girl from london wow ok don't judge guise


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Murmel said:


> ^
> I used to until I got more secure in myself, if you find the right person you're gonna be able to talk anyway. A good indicator of whether you've find him/her or not, is if you feel like you don't have to think before your speak, or force anything you say.
> This is of course has to be mutual, you both have to feel this way about eachother.
> 
> I personally don't meet people like that often, I had luck meeting 3 of those during my high school years.


I like my self, if that counts, and I'm with a girl that I can do that with.


----------



## CrushingAnvil

CrushingAnvil said:


> Just re: the last couple of posts:
> 
> I've been studying logic this year and I have also begun considering a second degree in mathematics. I'm basically just constantly thinking about logic and mathematics, so I never talk to anyone when I'm in classes or tutorials. Girls don't pay me any attention and, to be honest, I don't pay them any attention myself. I'm so wrapped up in it I only talk to my best chum and my family in real life.
> 
> I'm not sure it's healthy...and I'm not sure a lady would find what I'm interested in interesting. And telling her about the sweet new soldering iron I just bought or how I'm finally getting around to installing a CTS 500k linear taper pot for a volume application in my RG550 probably would probably yield the same results.
> 
> So I don't think a potential partner needs to give two shits about what you're interested in, so long as they at least appreciate that it's important to you.
> 
> btw in love with a girl from london wow ok don't judge guise



Alright I'll be serious and spill:

Met her online in 2008 or so, maybe a little after that.

We fell for each other pretty hard around then.

I got the hots for my sister's friend.

I told her (online girl) because I thought it was the right thing to do. She was catatonic lol. 

Rekindled our thing recently and we realised we still loved each other.

She lives in London, I live in New Zealand. Judge me all you want, but I'm really happy. We'll be in the same place probably after my degree is finished but there might be visits before then.

I haven't told my family because they'd just be total dicks about it.


----------



## chassless

damn, 5 years for an online relationship is long ! my record for it was just a few months back a long time ago. I haven't tried it ever since. when are you planning on meeting her ?


----------



## Skyblue

So yeah, my ex and a guy who USED TO BE a friend of mine are dating, after they sorta had a thing when we were together. 
Kinda want to kill to guy right now, but trying to put the whole thing behind me because I'm just too tired from all the drama. 

Probably time to try and find a new gal.


----------



## CrushingAnvil

chassless said:


> damn, 5 years for an online relationship is long ! my record for it was just a few months back a long time ago. I haven't tried it ever since. when are you planning on meeting her ?



I had to read your post to tell whether you were replying to mine 

We drifted apart for a while, but yeah. 

I'm probably half-way through my degree, so definitely after I've finished that (2016? 2015? I don't even know), but maybe before that.

Edit: I think we'll work something permanent out after my degree, but before then there might be short-term visits. I don't know.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Skyblue said:


> Probably time to try and find a new gal.



Do that.

Moving on (assuming you're feeling ready to) would be the best thing here.


----------



## Church2224

Beginning Rant 

That moment when you keep meeting girls you are attracted too....AND all of them have boyfriends. 

It is honestly very demoralizing. I remember when I first started college. I was actually fairly confident when it came to women and saw many opportunities in front of me. But every time I met a beautiful girl, she had a boyfriend. For two years I gave up. The same thing is happening again and it scares me a little bit, I think I am too late to get some one.

Hate to sound like a little bitch but it just gets to you at times. I resolved, yet again, to going back to only date if I find some one I am really interested in and want to get serious with some one. I am no longer wasting my time on relationships with anyone if they are not going to last. Learned that the hard way. 

At the same time, my primary female interest is real into me, which is good. Have done a few things together but we are not official, yet. Taking it slow with her. But I would like to know a few others just in case it does not work out with her, which would suck because she is pretty cool and oddly enough, she is a girl who actually knows what she wants. 

I am surprised many of you have stayed sane with all the bullshit that goes on, why do you do it 

Ending Rant


----------



## BlackMastodon

Who said anyone stayed sane? Sanity is all relative anyway.


----------



## DarkNe0

Tesseract, huh?


I just felt I needed to open up to people about this and you guys on this forum have always been a great help to me in ....ed up situations. Maybe this should go in the love and relationships thread but I'd love to get a lot of opinions of this so I opened a thread on it's own.

It's started May 2012. I met this girl at a Slash concert. We fell in love, we kissed, we got in a relationship, everything was perfect, nothing ever felt as good, NOTHING felt as good.

Until her parents turned out to be literal pieces of shits. Murderers. Not literally, but if you read all of this you'd understand. They didn't want her to see me. First of all, she didn't want me to meet them in the first place. Why? The answer is very ....ing silly and so hard to believe and it's true. I have long hair, her brother had long hair, when he did her dad despised him, her dad is probably the most closed minded parent I ever heard about in my whole life, and he's a judge, so you can imagine how his mind functions. She was afraid that if he knew what I looked like he'd judge me and stop her from seeing me. 

She's against smartphones, so I always used her mother's phone to call her. Her dad found out about my number, saw that it was being dialed hell a lot, so he decided to file it to the police to see who it was. HOW ....ED UP IS THAT?

I receive a call from the ministry of telecommunications asking me for my name. I refuse to reply, it's the ....ing ministry, don't they have caller ID or something? Then it turns out that SOMEONE wanted to know who my number belonged to. Who was it? Daddy. I ended up giving my name, they asked me if I knew her mom's number. I lied, yes that was a ....ing stupid decision but I lied, I said I didn't because I shat my pants. I directly knew it was about her father and thought lying would do the trick, he didn't.

He was extremely pissed off that I lied, came home asking his daughter who I was, she told him everything, he was even more pissed off, because you know, .... closed minded people. She decides that stopping our relationship would be the best because seeing her would always be extremely hard and we just can't keep talking like lovers if nothing was gonna happen between us. She told me one day it would work out, one day we'll be together. She even told me she wanted me to be her first, and she meant it. I believed her.

We stopped talking late August. From August till January she kept randomly popping out, texts, WhatsApp, Facebook, whatever you wanna call it, telling me she loves me, how much she misses me, how much she wants us to be together. We start talking again in February, but I tell her I don't want anything to happen behind the back of her dad. It's ....ed up, it would .... up her relationship with her family and it just cannot work. I wanted a normal relationship.

April she pops up telling me she was with someone else. And me? I never ever thought about ever seeing anybody else. Each time I tried to talk with a girl I felt so ....ing bad, because I LOVED her man, I ....ing LOVED her, and I still do. No one can compare, no one ever will. I wish I wouldn't think that way but that's how it is for now.

It's been a year now. She talks to me telling me her boyfriend was nothing compared to me. She keeps wishing I was in his place so she left him to talk to me again because I always refused to do so. I begged her not to do it but she did and nothing to do about that. 

During that year I did so many things, tried so much to get over her but I just CAN'T, I CAN'T man, it just doesn't work. Now we started talking again like lovers. But she still feels she can't talk to her dad about it. She doesn't even let ME talk to him, I cannot understand why. Before you tell me she's lying, making stuff up, she's not. I know when she is, and she isn't. She's one of the most honest girls I know and I know it when she means something. She's mad in love with me and I am as well, but it's so ....ing hard to work it out. I can't see her man, I don't want to see her under hard circumstances, I just want a normal relationship with my dream girl and it doesn't work. The only thing I wish for doesn't work.

Three days ago she popped up saying that she wasn't feeling comfortable us talking lying to her parents again. Told me she loved me and she wants to be with me but right now it's cant work out because of that. She said that in time her dad would loosen up and things would work out. I was so pissed off, so pissed off at myself because I even started to talk to her again after all she's done, and me giving everything to her but not getting anything in return. 

She told me we should at least water up the romance talk, we did, but today it's just gone back like before. We're talking as if we're in a relationship and we just can't stop. And I can't take it, it hurts so much, but I can't do anything about it.

I can't find a solution and I don't think I ever will. I just hope that someone around here has experienced the same thing and can give me a hand, because it's just keeping me so ....ing depressed the whole time. I'm an only child, I'm lonely most of the time, and loneliness eats me up and I just stay depressed thinking about it.

Sorry for grammar mistakes, wrote this very fast and being very pissed off doesn't help.


If you read all of this, you rock.


----------



## inaudio

Man, that really does suck. I'm not sure if this is of any help, but when I find myself getting caught up in something rough I go for a long hike - I distance myself from the situation, clear my thoughts and then I'm usually ready to deal with the situation appropriately. If I remember correctly Neil Peart actually spent a year biking across the US after his daughter died.



Stay strong, buddy.


----------



## Basti

How old are you guys? The situation changes dramatically if you're 13 or something like that.
If you both really dig each other I don't see why you can't confront her parents about it. Something along the lines of "with all due respect sir, deal with it". It may be a big hurdle for everyone but if that's what you want then you can just get it over with. And if she doesn't want you to then find out why, change her mind and then do it.
If her father's a violent person then it's a whole lot more delicate, meaning you need some more professional help if not the proper authorities.


----------



## DarkNe0

I went to download festival, and while watching Iron Maiden I thought of her. How can anything else help...


That video actually made me laugh a bit haha, thanks man!


----------



## coffeeflush

Hey man, first of all, really sorry about your situation. It sucks I know, I've been in a similar one. 

I know its tough, but the girl has to stand up to her parents for basic rights. Or escaping her place if that is what it takes. 

Having a sort of code to talk helps a lot in general anyways. Fake Facebook profiles guised as girls etc etc to keep talking. 

If you feel for her strongly, don't give up. 

I am not giving the best of advice, and I don't exactly have a life record worth quoting. But I do have a very strong and very meaningful relationship. Which was founded on similar shit. 

Thats my


----------



## DarkNe0

Basti said:


> How old are you guys? The situation changes dramatically if you're 13 or something like that.
> If you both really dig each other I don't see why you can't confront her parents about it. Something along the lines of "with all due respect sir, deal with it". It may be a big hurdle for everyone but if that's what you want then you can just get it over with. And if she doesn't want you to then find out why, change her mind and then do it.
> If her father's a violent person then it's a whole lot more delicate, meaning you need some more professional help if not the proper authorities.



I wanted to get to that but I thought people wouldn't take me seriously. I'm eighteen and she's seventeen. She turns eighteen next September. Now I know some people will judge this situation regarding the age, but I hope that won't be the case.

I was always thinking of waiting until she gets 18, but what then, will it really matter? She's not the type to go against her parents. She likes her dad a lot and I'm sure she wouldn't want to hurt him, and she wouldn't want to hurt me either. She's in in the middle of this really.


----------



## coffeeflush

> Man, that really does suck. I'm not sure if this is of any help, but when I find myself getting caught up in something rough I go for a long hike - I distance myself from the situation, clear my thoughts and then I'm usually ready to deal with the situation appropriately. If I remember correctly Neil Peart actually spent a year biking across the US after his daughter died.



This is best advice


----------



## DarkNe0

coffeeflush said:


> Hey man, first of all, really sorry about your situation. It sucks I know, I've been in a similar one.
> 
> I know its tough, but the girl has to stand up to her parents for basic rights. Or escaping her place if that is what it takes.
> 
> Having a sort of code to talk helps a lot in general anyways. Fake Facebook profiles guised as girls etc etc to keep talking.
> 
> If you feel for her strongly, don't give up.
> 
> I am not giving the best of advice, and I don't exactly have a life record worth quoting. But I do have a very strong and very meaningful relationship. Which was founded on similar shit.
> 
> Thats my




Thanks for your reply man. I've been always telling her the same thing, always so pissed off that she can't stand up for herself. I just don't know.


----------



## abandonist

You're young and in a star-crossed place.

Of course this feels like the end of the world.

Things get better as you get older.


----------



## DarkNe0

abandonist said:


> You're young and in a star-crossed place.
> 
> Of course this feels like the end of the world.
> 
> Things get better as you get older.



And from now till then?


----------



## Señor Voorhees

My honest advice is to find a way to get her to talk to her dad, or you can talk to him yourself. Coming forward and asking for permission or whatever is generally a respectable thing to do. It makes you seem less like a sneaky little shit in his eyes, and more like someone who's up front and trustworthy.

That said, if you can't get it to work out soon, it's possibly in your best interest to find someone else, which I know from personal experience is easier said than done. With this kind of shit it's hard to troop through it, but after enough time goes by or you find someone else, it becomes a silly little memory. (doesn't mean she's not worth it, just that you slowly realize it's not the end of the world.) But yeah man, I'd try really hard to get her to talk to her father, or do it yourself. It really can't progress anywhere until either that happens, or until after she moves out on her own. Even when she's 18, if she's under his roof it's still his rules and nothing will change. Just do what you can to make him see that you're not a piece of shit. If you have to cut your hair short or whatever, it seems like a small price to pay if you guys legit love one another. Besides, as soon as you're "in" you can revert back to how you were before.


----------



## watson503

Anything other than the thought of you two being together is not going to sound good, but best advice I can give - I'm 40 and been there - is to find another girl and move on from this one. Way too many problems with her dad it seems and the thing is, women can easily move on - you'll be holding a torch for her and here she is out with a new guy as if nothing ever happened.You are way too young to let something like this get in the way of your life, I guarantee you, find yourself a new girl and you'll look back pissed that you wasted so much energy over this one - there are way too many women out there to let one screw with your life.


----------



## wilch

^^ He speaks the truth. I've been there before.

After I distanced myself from it/her, things got better after some time. Not everyone's meant to have that dream of meeting someone in their teens and being with them for the rest of their lives. For those that do, more power to them. For us that don't...we get to experience a lot of people .

I didn't find the love of my life till I was 25, and I didn't propose until I was nearly 34.

The girl I thought I would be with for the rest of my life in my teens is just a faded memory, and a person who's status's show up on facebook sometimes.

Life works best for those that accept change and move on the soonest, IMO. You'll be ok.


----------



## Señor Voorhees

wilch said:


> ^^ He speaks the truth. I've been there before.
> 
> After I distanced myself from it/her, things got better after some time.



A side effect of love/infatuation is the worst ....ing case of tunnel vision you can imagine. You're absolutely right, it might take a while but once you can rip your focus somewhere else it gets better. It really is just that first step that makes it so hard.

My advice is still to either talk to her father and try to progress, or part ways. If you could make it work, there's nothing wrong with trying. "Making it work" doesn't mean slinking in the shadows with a weird relationship that you hide from anyone. "Making it work" means being open, and having a healthy relationship. If you can't do that, then it's seriously best for all involved to move on.


----------



## DarkNe0

Señor Voorhees;3728380 said:


> My honest advice is to find a way to get her to talk to her dad, or you can talk to him yourself. Coming forward and asking for permission or whatever is generally a respectable thing to do. It makes you seem less like a sneaky little shit in his eyes, and more like someone who's up front and trustworthy.
> 
> That said, if you can't get it to work out soon, it's possibly in your best interest to find someone else, which I know from personal experience is easier said than done. With this kind of shit it's hard to troop through it, but after enough time goes by or you find someone else, it becomes a silly little memory. (doesn't mean she's not worth it, just that you slowly realize it's not the end of the world.) But yeah man, I'd try really hard to get her to talk to her father, or do it yourself. It really can't progress anywhere until either that happens, or until after she moves out on her own. Even when she's 18, if she's under his roof it's still his rules and nothing will change. Just do what you can to make him see that you're not a piece of shit. If you have to cut your hair short or whatever, it seems like a small price to pay if you guys legit love one another. Besides, as soon as you're "in" you can revert back to how you were before.



She just won't let me talk to him myself. I tried, so many times I tried, but she just blocks me out. She doesn't want it to get any worse. She promised to do it soon, but .... knows what soon is. Thanks mate



> Anything other than the thought of you two being together is not going to sound good, but best advice I can give - I'm 40 and been there - is to find another girl and move on from this one. Way too many problems with her dad it seems and the thing is, women can easily move on - you'll be holding a torch for her and here she is out with a new guy as if nothing ever happened.You are way too young to let something like this get in the way of your life, I guarantee you, find yourself a new girl and you'll look back pissed that you wasted so much energy over this one - there are way too many women out there to let one screw with your life.



Yeah, it's not easy. As I said it's been more than a year, met many women, none really could compare. Even she had been in a relationship and came back to me because he couldn't compare. I don't know, man.



> ^^ He speaks the truth. I've been there before.
> 
> After I distanced myself from it/her, things got better after some time. Not everyone's meant to have that dream of meeting someone in their teens and being with them for the rest of their lives. For those that do, more power to them. For us that don't...we get to experience a lot of people .
> 
> I didn't find the love of my life till I was 25, and I didn't propose until I was nearly 34.
> 
> The girl I thought I would be with for the rest of my life in my teens is just a faded memory, and a person who's status's show up on facebook sometimes.
> 
> Life works best for those that accept change and move on the soonest, IMO. You'll be ok.



I have tried to distance myself from her. Once loneliness pops up she's all that's on my mind. And I can't keep myself busy all the time. Her popping up randomly didn't help either. I begged her not to do it but she still does. And if I blocked her she'd find a way.

Once again, if more than a year wasn't enough, then I don't know...


----------



## Basti

DarkNe0 said:


> I wanted to get to that but I thought people wouldn't take me seriously. I'm eighteen and she's seventeen. She turns eighteen next September. Now I know some people will judge this situation regarding the age, but I hope that won't be the case.
> 
> I was always thinking of waiting until she gets 18, but what then, will it really matter? She's not the type to go against her parents. She likes her dad a lot and I'm sure she wouldn't want to hurt him, and she wouldn't want to hurt me either. She's in in the middle of this really.



You're right though, 18 or not makes little difference, unless there's the option of moving out. I still think everyone's better off once all the cards are on the table. Have a level-headed talk with the guy, he doesn't seem to have enough justification for disliking you and he must want his daughter to be happy. You sound like a nice enough guy and all, just be honest and although it might be a bit awkward you need to narrate the facts as they are: I like your daughter, she feels the same, I'm willing to prove myself and gain your trust. Try to address the problem not as a divisive line between you and the dad but as something outside the two of you which puts you both in a difficult situation and you have to deal with together to get out of it. Does that make sense?
As a depressed and lonely motherfucker I feel your pain, I can't tell you how to magically get rid of it but the one helpful thing is just this: get busy. When you're not trying to take control of this particular situation, do stuff, and I mean anything, it really helps to have objectives.
Hope things get better man


----------



## VBCheeseGrater

Dive into hanging out with your good friends. Chances are you may have left a few friends behind diving into a relationship (we all do it). If you're not in a band, start one. Get busy, and busy anything but chasing her. It's hard, but that's what will make it easier, and also get yourself back out on the market meeting other chicks.


----------



## wilch

It was only when I started Uni that I got over the girl I thought I loved, and wanted to be with forever.

...even then, she still kept popping back in to my life when relationships failed. I felt that the world was telling me to get back with her. I ended up building a network of friends, guys and girls that I could call up if I ever felt lonely. There was always one or more that was free and willing to go out and grab a drink with me, whatever the hour of day or night.

Many more relationships came and went. One of which, I again, thought was THE ONE. But again I was wrong...and that one was the hardest. It crushed me, literally. I might have been 22, or 23 at the time. I wanted the world to end, more than anything, I just wanted everything gone. 

I was in a very unhealthy state of mind, and wrong. Like I said, I don't know how it happened, but I ended up meeting the right person at 25 and I haven't looked back since.

If I hadn't made that decision to move on, I don't think I would've met my now fiance. TBH she's better than any of the others combined. (but don't think I'm not damaged from my experiences... took me nearly 9 years to propose, at the detriment to our relationship. I was "protecting myself"...which is silly).

Try to take things as they come, and try not to dwell. It's hard, very hard. Just know that things will change, and times will get better...and even then, those times might change too. But you need to move on.


----------



## Wrecklyss

Just putting it out there--dudes in Lebanon. Who a woman dates is a direct reflection on the honor of her entire family. All the responses of "once she's 18..." really only work in U.S./Europe/U.K. and similar places. 

I say fake it 'till you make it. A good respected Lebanese judge would wnat her daughter to marry a successful, honest, hardworking man who treats his daughter well. At least outwardly, you have to make her dad believe that you would be all of the above and more, while inwardly still being the same person she started dating you for.


----------



## abandonist

DarkNe0 said:


> And from now till then?



Stay alive and enjoy your life.

I'm 31, and like my man up there said, what you're dealing with is infatuation - which can lead to desperate situations. I can tell by how you're talking about the whole thing. I've been there and lost a few years to following that one girl around and pining about how miserable it is we can't be together. I'm now married to a super hot girl I love. 

It seems impossible now, but you can move on.


----------



## indrangelion

Hey guys,

Ok so first of all, I want to apologise for my last post in this thread earlier this year. The one where I went on a rant and ended up bragging about wanking with Pig Destroyer blaring in the background. Anyway, I think it's time for a proper contribution to this thread.

I have been nursing a crush for this girl who works at a local video game shop. I first encountered her at another video game shop early last year (that GAME chain before it went bust). I remember we had this almost awkward interaction because I didn't realise she was an employee there. I was buying the first Dead Space game, and she was raving about how scary the second one was. We then had a short chat about other gaming stuff before parting ways.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago, where she now works for a different chain as mentioned earlier. I was surprised to see her there, but I wasn't sure if she remembers me or not. I was paying for a game and we ended up chatting about the new Assassin's Creed game. In the end, she gave me a huge map of the game for free. At this point I still have no clue if she remembers me or not. There was a line behind me, so I had to bail not long after.

A couple of weeks later, I put on some hair gel for the first time in 3 years and put on my best band shirt, and paid the store another visit. Had my pickup line ready: "So what did you think of Dead Space 3?" To sort of help her jog her memory. Aaaand she was chatting with a guy who appeared to be asking her out. I think I consider myself the sensitive type, and therefore I was upset/furious/broken when I realised what was happening and then just left. Come to think of it, I should've eavesdropped on them some more to actually hear her answer, but emotions got the better of me.

She's a very cute girl and one of those girls who like to call me "dude". I kind of have a thing for that...Has a great smile whenever we talk and obviously knows her way around video games (check pleeeease). Appears to be around my age and mature minded.

I tend to be very shy around girls, and that was the last time I actually had enough courage to go talk up someone. I've never been out on a date, let alone in a relationship, so I have absolutely no idea how to actually befriend the opposite sex. In my head I have this image that I want a relationship to occur naturally, so no "hey you want to shack up with me" kind of crap.

Sigh, thanks for letting me vent, guys. Just saw the tags for this thread and now I can't stop giggling. A least now I had a good laugh before bed.

Cheers.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

indrangelion said:


> Hey guys,
> 
> Ok so first of all, I want to apologise for my last post in this thread earlier this year. The one where I went on a rant and ended up bragging about wanking with Pig Destroyer blaring in the background. Anyway, I think it's time for a proper contribution to this thread.
> 
> I have been nursing a crush for this girl who works at a local video game shop. I first encountered her at another video game shop early last year (that GAME chain before it went bust). I remember we had this almost awkward interaction because I didn't realise she was an employee there. I was buying the first Dead Space game, and she was raving about how scary the second one was. We then had a short chat about other gaming stuff before parting ways.
> 
> Fast forward to a couple of months ago, where she now works for a different chain as mentioned earlier. I was surprised to see her there, but I wasn't sure if she remembers me or not. I was paying for a game and we ended up chatting about the new Assassin's Creed game. In the end, she gave me a huge map of the game for free. At this point I still have no clue if she remembers me or not. There was a line behind me, so I had to bail not long after.
> 
> A couple of weeks later, I put on some hair gel for the first time in 3 years and put on my best band shirt, and paid the store another visit. Had my pickup line ready: "So what did you think of Dead Space 3?" To sort of help her jog her memory. Aaaand she was chatting with a guy who appeared to be asking her out. I think I consider myself the sensitive type, and therefore I was upset/furious/broken when I realised what was happening and then just left. Come to think of it, I should've eavesdropped on them some more to actually hear her answer, but emotions got the better of me.
> 
> She's a very cute girl and one of those girls who like to call me "dude". I kind of have a thing for that...Has a great smile whenever we talk and obviously knows her way around video games (check pleeeease). Appears to be around my age and mature minded.
> 
> I tend to be very shy around girls, and that was the last time I actually had enough courage to go talk up someone. I've never been out on a date, let alone in a relationship, so I have absolutely no idea how to actually befriend the opposite sex. In my head I have this image that I want a relationship to occur naturally, so no "hey you want to shack up with me" kind of crap.
> 
> Sigh, thanks for letting me vent, guys. Just saw the tags for this thread and now I can't stop giggling. A least now I had a good laugh before bed.
> 
> Cheers.



Well, ask her out anyway? Someone asking someone out isn't them getting married or something. Maybe she'd rather go out with you than with the other guy. It's worth a shot, don't ever give up!


----------



## Negav

Guys take a moment to breathe and acknowledge you're all awesome. Many of us might be single but hey they'll come. So just relax, lay back and have a glass of your favorite drink ( be it orange juice or absinthe) and enjoy your day regarding the world as inferior to you.


----------



## chassless

Negav said:


> Guys take a moment to breathe and acknowledge you're all awesome. Many of us might be single but hey they'll come. So just relax, lay back and have a glass of your favorite drink ( be it orange juice or absinthe) and enjoy your day regarding the world as inferior to you.



you're a gentleman.


----------



## spadz93

Alright, doubt many remember my last post in this thread but my how thing's have changed, and for the worse.

The girl i was with left me a few months back for reasons i will leave unknown (i heavily doubt she will ever catch wind of this post, but i'm trying to be decent) but just know that theyre trivial reasons. For some reason, the end of this relationship ruined me. I can't explain it, but i just feel so spent from emotion to the point where i have no hope in a new relationship.

My girl situation now is one of mass confusion and almost seems like a bad idea no matter which way i go. One of my exes still wants to get back together, and although i feel like it could go somewhere, theres something in the back of my head that's telling me not to do it. Can't figure out what it is, but it's there. 

My friend from my old college tried "hooking me up" with a chick that i really dont find attractive, but made the mistake of talking to and hooking up with (half a bottle of jack and a college party = bad decisions). I cant seem to shake her off me now that that happened, which is my problem to deal with.

There is one girl that i feel really comfortable and happy around however. I spent a lot of time over this last weekend with her and enjoyed every minute of it, even when we were just hanging in her apartment with her other friends. She seems very down to earth and seems to have a good head on her shoulders. I can't read into whether or not she's into me but it seems like im either friendzoned or misreading. Ironically enough she goes to my old college as well, but isn't friends with the last girl i mentioned. Whenever i talk to her online she always seems happy to talk, never really dismissive, she let me stay at her place over the weekend (nothing happened), and when it came time for me to leave she was all "visit again soon" and all that. small shit, i know, but i notice the small shit.

Long story short, i'm just going through a rather rough time, lonely as ...., and it's starting to get old. i know the whole "it gets better in time" wrap and i'm doing my best, but it just sucks when i'm surrounded by friends that are in relationships. Just seems like i'm haunted by it with everywhere i go. I'll figure it out as time goes along

/rant


----------



## chassless

^ i know that feel. the trick is not to overthink. keep your mind off of women for now and keep busy with other useful stuff. like the very thing that brought us to this forum, for example ! but if it feels natural to get closer to the girl you mentioned, then why not ? forget the "small things" and talk to her more making it clear of what you really want. granted if this is what you Do really want. if not then again, keep your mind off of women


----------



## DarkNe0

abandonist said:


> Stay alive and enjoy your life.
> 
> I'm 31, and like my man up there said, what you're dealing with is infatuation - which can lead to desperate situations. I can tell by how you're talking about the whole thing. I've been there and lost a few years to following that one girl around and pining about how miserable it is we can't be together. I'm now married to a super hot girl I love.
> 
> It seems impossible now, but you can move on.



I can't seem to live my life without her being included in it. I just can't. I tried, and I forced myself to stop talking to her for over 9 months but now we're talking again.

More ....ed up shit, yesterday we were talking, and she told me her dad doesn't actually hate me, and that there isn't an actual reason to him stopping her to talk to me. It's ....ed up, really, but right now we both decided to stay responsible with this and not rush things and .... them up again, even though we talk like lovers 24/7. It's ....ed up, really. As much as I enjoy it while we're talking, once we stop my brain starts playing tricks on me.

I know that if we stay like this we might get somewhere eventually, but I know that the possibility of it not working out is way larger. It's just that I have hope, and I can't see myself going through my daily life without talking to her. I'm sticking the idea in my head that I don't want to get hurt if something like before happens but deep inside I know it'll just .... me up.

I hate how my world revolves around her, but I just can't make it stop.


----------



## abandonist

You're dealing with obsession. 

What void in your life are you trying to fill with her?

If you say love, I'll slap you.


----------



## Dalcan

abandonist said:


> Stay alive and enjoy your life.
> 
> I'm 31, and like my man up there said, what you're dealing with is infatuation - which can lead to desperate situations. I can tell by how you're talking about the whole thing. I've been there and lost a few years to following that one girl around and pining about how miserable it is we can't be together. I'm now married to a super hot girl I love.
> 
> It seems impossible now, but you can move on.



+1

It happens to everyone and I don't mean to generalize it.
Worry about yourself now, do things that make you happy. Hang out with friends, play some sports, go to the gym, get even better at guitar.

The right person will find you when you aren't even looking for a relationship.


----------



## DarkNe0

abandonist said:


> You're dealing with obsession.
> 
> What void in your life are you trying to fill with her?
> 
> If you say love, I'll slap you.



The void of her not being there.



thisisdoodoobaby said:


> +1
> 
> It happens to everyone and I don't mean to generalize it.
> Worry about yourself now, do things that make you happy. Hang out with friends, play some sports, go to the gym, get even better at guitar.
> 
> The right person will find you when you aren't even looking for a relationship.



Been keeping the same ideology in my head for the past year


----------



## no_dice

DarkNe0 said:


> I can't seem to live my life without her being included in it. I just can't. I tried, and I forced myself to stop talking to her for over 9 months but now we're talking again.
> 
> More ....ed up shit, yesterday we were talking, and she told me her dad doesn't actually hate me, and that there isn't an actual reason to him stopping her to talk to me. It's ....ed up, really, but right now we both decided to stay responsible with this and not rush things and .... them up again, even though we talk like lovers 24/7. It's ....ed up, really. As much as I enjoy it while we're talking, once we stop my brain starts playing tricks on me.
> 
> I know that if we stay like this we might get somewhere eventually, but I know that the possibility of it not working out is way larger. It's just that I have hope, and I can't see myself going through my daily life without talking to her. I'm sticking the idea in my head that I don't want to get hurt if something like before happens but deep inside I know it'll just .... me up.
> 
> I hate how my world revolves around her, but I just can't make it stop.



You probably know as well as anyone that you need to let go. I've been wrapped up in a girl before, and sometimes, truly the only way is to completely remove them from your life. Especially in a situation where a girl is playing with your mind and stringing you along, even if she isn't doing it consciously.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I need some advice.You can tell me anything regarding the situation.First off,I'm shy,especially around females.I'll be turning 18 this weekend,and I have never kissed or went on a date.The most I ever got was a hug.Anyways,there's this Pakistani girl that has been trying to talk to me since my sophomore year in high school(I mean as getting to know to become friends).I had never really paid her any mind except saying hi to her everyday,and she has a lot of friends,especially guys.At that point,I drew the conjecture that she was at least messing with one of them.The next year we never really conversed.We just said a couple of sentences to each other a day at the most.A few times she whispered to me how come I wouldn't really talk to her.Someone else took my interest,and I tried to be more aggressive because I was always submissive.Some things I did as far as flirting felt way out of my character and began to drain my energy.I believe I was close,but her ex-boyfriend became her boyfriend.I spent the rest of my junior year reflecting on what I did wrong among other things unrelated.This year(my senior year) the Pakistani girl and I talked more frequently when we saw each other.Once, she asked for number,and I felt like she was taken advantage of the situation to get closer to me.An acquaintance of mine liked her last year,but he later claimed he had moved on.After an extended period of contemplation, I decided to go after her.I began to be more open to her in conversation and subtlely flirted with her.Everything was going good until one day she dropped her pencil during class.I was sitting beside her,so I picked it up and started shifting it away when she reached for it.After her initial reach,she pulled out another writing utensil.I put the pencil in her way and asked if she wanted it back.She moved beside one of her other friends,and things have never been the same since.I asked an acquaintance of mine what was wrong,and he said she was stressed out.Then,he asked why was I worried about her so much(They are best friends).I just said I didn't want her mad at me.Recently,we have just been saying hi or bye or nothing at all.Today,I made small talk with her.Thank you sincerely if you read this far.I'm hoping I'll have a NGD for my birthday that will help me feel better...


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Guys, guys, guys.

Plenty of Fish.

Its like fishing with dynamite.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Guys, guys, guys.
> 
> Plenty of Fish.
> 
> Its like fishing with dynamite.



You blow women up and eat them at home?


----------



## spadz93

YJGB said:


> You blow women up and eat them at home?



cant stop laughing at this. btw update on my situation, hung out with my ex, we cuddled, and i think i might just go for that again, i have nothing to lose so .... it


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

spadz93 said:


> cant stop laughing at this. btw update on my situation, hung out with my ex, we cuddled, and i think i might just go for that again, i have nothing to lose so .... it



How much I'd like for you to be happy, I know for a fact that getting back with your ex usually is a stupid move. There's a reason you broke up in the first place. 

Not trying to be a partypooper, just giving advice.


----------



## flint757

thisisdoodoobaby said:


> +1
> 
> It happens to everyone and I don't mean to generalize it.
> Worry about yourself now, do things that make you happy. Hang out with friends, play some sports, go to the gym, get even better at guitar.
> 
> The right person will find you when you aren't even looking for a relationship.


 


DarkNe0 said:


> The void of her not being there.
> 
> 
> 
> Been keeping the same ideology in my head for the past year


 
It took me 2 years to get over someone once. I wasn't hung up on her in the sense of not dating or talking to her all the time, but if we had hung out or started talking a lot I probably would have invested more time in the situation. Anyhow, even today I find myself juggling whether I should or not (decide it isn't worth it). In between all that though, I was completely over it and still am today. If you don't feel that way then you are not following the ideology you think you are as you are not over her and she is still occupying your mind. This means you are never fully engaged in anything you are doing. 


You can't refill your cup when you refuse to empty it first.


----------



## Church2224

I need some wisdom gentlemen...

I have this one girl right now who is into me. At first I thought it was not going to lead into anything serious, but we were talking and I let it slip out that deep down I wanted a real relationship with some one. Well she said that is what she really wants too. She is a beautiful girl with a bright future ahead of her, why not try it out?

Now we both would like to make things official. When she is around me she is really flirty with me and I know she enjoys having me around. Even my friends go "Dude she is SO into you!" when she is around us. We did go out and I do want to have a real date with her, something romantic. We have a Botanical Gardens here and also I would like to take her to a nice dinner some time, enjoy the night.

The cool thing with her is I can be myself around her, I can be real with her, and she even takes my feelings into consideration in certain situations, which I really appreciate that she does. 

Here is the problem, sometimes I will text her and not get a response for a while and it scares me a little bit, I think she is blowing me off. And yet I intentionally do the same thing to not sound needy to her. Also when she is talking to some one else, no matter who it is, I get scared and jealous and I know I should not feel like that. She picked up on it (I did not say anything but I think the way I looked and was acting gave me away) when she was talking to her guy friend and she took the time to tell me not to worry about anything. 

She has given me no reason not to trust her, and I know this. One of my friends told me I should take people at face value some times and I am over thinking everything. I think my past experience added with some experience with friends treating me poorly and being led on by a couple of other girls has left my cynical and scared people are going to keep doing it. 

I do not know, any advice guys?


----------



## Negav

Church2224 said:


> Here is the problem, sometimes I will text her and not get a response for a while and it scares me a little bit... And yet I intentionally do the same thing to not sound needy to her.



1. She also has a life, don't expect her to text instantly. 

2. Why the .... would you do that? It's OK only if you do it maturely and to a minimum. 

Let it play out, don't spoil it, don't think to much. Enjoy her and let her enjoy you.


----------



## Church2224

Negav said:


> 2. Why the .... would you do that? It's OK only if you do it maturely and to a minimum.



Because that is the advice I have been given and what people have said I should do tbh. I actually been really "Aloof" to her as well, like trying to not sound clingy and give her space.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Church2224 said:


> I am over thinking everything.



Bingo. She sounds like she's into you, and you're into her. Make it happen, brother. The jealousy thing is easy to get past after a while, I know how you feel and I would also consider myself pretty cynical.  If she says you have nothing to worry about and you believe her then don't put ideas in your head.



Church2224 said:


> Because that is the advice I have been given and what people have said I should do tbh. I actually been really "Aloof" to her as well, like trying to not sound clingy and give her space.



It's definitely good to not be clingy and to give her some space but don't do this every time. You don't have to answer her texts right away but don't do it out of spite or anything.

Ask her out again, take her for dinner to a nice place, do something snazzy, and then give her a smooch when you drop her off.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Church2224 said:


> Here is the problem, sometimes I will text her and not get a response for a while and it scares me a little bit, I think she is blowing me off. And yet I intentionally do the same thing to not sound needy to her. Also when she is talking to some one else, no matter who it is, I get scared and jealous and I know I should not feel like that. She picked up on it (I did not say anything but I think the way I looked and was acting gave me away) when she was talking to her guy friend and she took the time to tell me not to worry about anything.
> 
> 
> I do not know, any advice guys?



Yea you probably shouldn't feel like that, but its natural and shows how much your into her i'd say just don't let it go any further and actually make it official with her, then your not the creepy guy on the outside, just the semi jealous BF who's had a bit of shit in the past that he's working on but is otherwise a sexual looking good dude .


----------



## Nicki

Church2224 said:


> Here is the problem, sometimes I will text her and not get a response for a while and it scares me a little bit, I think she is blowing me off.





Yeah it's nerve wracking when the text conversation suddenly dies but if you're going to have a long ass text conversation why not just call the person? That way the conversation (usually) ends with the objective of the conversation achieved. Save texts for quick things, girls like phone calls from guys anyways...


----------



## abandonist

Obsidian Soul said:


> I need some advice.You can tell me anything regarding the situation.First off,I'm shy,especially around females.I'll be turning 18 this weekend,and I have never kissed or went on a date.The most I ever got was a hug.Anyways,there's this Pakistani girl that has been trying to talk to me since my sophomore year in high school(I mean as getting to know to become friends).I had never really paid her any mind except saying hi to her everyday,and she has a lot of friends,especially guys.At that point,I drew the conjecture that she was at least messing with one of them.The next year we never really conversed.We just said a couple of sentences to each other a day at the most.A few times she whispered to me how come I wouldn't really talk to her.Someone else took my interest,and I tried to be more aggressive because I was always submissive.Some things I did as far as flirting felt way out of my character and began to drain my energy.I believe I was close,but her ex-boyfriend became her boyfriend.I spent the rest of my junior year reflecting on what I did wrong among other things unrelated.This year(my senior year) the Pakistani girl and I talked more frequently when we saw each other.Once, she asked for number,and I felt like she was taken advantage of the situation to get closer to me.An acquaintance of mine liked her last year,but he later claimed he had moved on.After an extended period of contemplation, I decided to go after her.I began to be more open to her in conversation and subtlely flirted with her.Everything was going good until one day she dropped her pencil during class.I was sitting beside her,so I picked it up and started shifting it away when she reached for it.After her initial reach,she pulled out another writing utensil.I put the pencil in her way and asked if she wanted it back.She moved beside one of her other friends,and things have never been the same since.I asked an acquaintance of mine what was wrong,and he said she was stressed out.Then,he asked why was I worried about her so much(They are best friends).I just said I didn't want her mad at me.Recently,we have just been saying hi or bye or nothing at all.Today,I made small talk with her.Thank you sincerely if you read this far.I'm hoping I'll have a NGD for my birthday that will help me feel better...



I can't help you until you start using the space bar properly. I'm not deciphering that mess.


----------



## chassless

Obsidian Soul said:


> I need some advice.You can tell me anything regarding the situation.First off,I'm shy,especially around females.I'll be turning 18 this weekend,and I have never kissed or went on a date.The most I ever got was a hug.Anyways,there's this Pakistani girl that has been trying to talk to me since my sophomore year in high school(I mean as getting to know to become friends).I had never really paid her any mind except saying hi to her everyday,and she has a lot of friends,especially guys.At that point,I drew the conjecture that she was at least messing with one of them.The next year we never really conversed.We just said a couple of sentences to each other a day at the most.A few times she whispered to me how come I wouldn't really talk to her.Someone else took my interest,and I tried to be more aggressive because I was always submissive.Some things I did as far as flirting felt way out of my character and began to drain my energy.I believe I was close,but her ex-boyfriend became her boyfriend.I spent the rest of my junior year reflecting on what I did wrong among other things unrelated.This year(my senior year) the Pakistani girl and I talked more frequently when we saw each other.Once, she asked for number,and I felt like she was taken advantage of the situation to get closer to me.An acquaintance of mine liked her last year,but he later claimed he had moved on.After an extended period of contemplation, I decided to go after her.I began to be more open to her in conversation and subtlely flirted with her.Everything was going good until one day she dropped her pencil during class.I was sitting beside her,so I picked it up and started shifting it away when she reached for it.After her initial reach,she pulled out another writing utensil.I put the pencil in her way and asked if she wanted it back.She moved beside one of her other friends,and things have never been the same since.I asked an acquaintance of mine what was wrong,and he said she was stressed out.Then,he asked why was I worried about her so much(They are best friends).I just said I didn't want her mad at me.Recently,we have just been saying hi or bye or nothing at all.Today,I made small talk with her.Thank you sincerely if you read this far.I'm hoping I'll have a NGD for my birthday that will help me feel better...


 
never mind abandonist. though he has a point, you could arrange the layout of your text a little bit 

it sounds to me that the girl is passing through a phase of indecisiveness, is she a generally shy person as well ? patience is required if you want to get close to girls, most of them (both shy or not), and you shouldn't let that really affect your daily life. you're too young to stress out over things  besides, girls like that independence and self-confidence.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

chassless said:


> never mind abandonist. though he has a point, you could arrange the layout of your text a little bit
> 
> it sounds to me that the girl is passing through a phase of indecisiveness, is she a generally shy person as well ? patience is required if you want to get close to girls, most of them (both shy or not), and you shouldn't let that really affect your daily life. you're too young to stress out over things  besides, girls like that independence and self-confidence.



Nope.A want to be everybody's friend type


----------



## Obsidian Soul

abandonist said:


> I can't help you until you start using the space bar properly. I'm not deciphering that mess.



I did use the space bar


----------



## Nicki

Obsidian Soul said:


> I did use the space bar



You may have been being playful when pulling the pencil away from her, but that's not how she views it. By pulling that stunt, you've shown a side of you that she doesn't like. Likely, she sees you as an ass now. You've either been friend-zoned or she's given up on you as a result.

You're last option is to make a gesture so that you reveal your feelings to her. If you're any good at drawing, and still have that same pencil, draw her portrait, or some sort of lovely flower, roll the piece of paper your drew it on up, put the pencil inside the roll and give it to her and apologize for being a jackass, walk away and wait for her to come to you.


----------



## Church2224

Yeah thanks guys.

I went to see her and talked to her tonight. We sat down and told each other how we felt. It really is not a matter of us not liking each other now, she really does care about me and likes me. She wants to spend more time with me and be with me, but right now she can't for a variety of reasons that are out of either of out control and make a lot of sense to me, and I think the best thing is to put it off, if not leave it as is. 

It honestly kind of hurts, being so close to some one and not having the ability to be together. I just hope I can find some one else just like her is all. 

At least I know I did nothing wrong, I can say that...


----------



## Nicki

Church2224 said:


> Yeah thanks guys.
> 
> I went to see her and talked to her tonight. We sat down and told each other how we felt. It really is not a matter of us not liking each other now, she really does care about me and likes me. She wants to spend more time with me and be with me, but right now she can't for a variety of reasons that are out of either of out control and make a lot of sense to me, and I think the best thing is to put it off, if not leave it as is.
> 
> It honestly kind of hurts, being so close to some one and not having the ability to be together. I just hope I can find some one else just like her is all.
> 
> At least I know I did nothing wrong, I can say that...




Dude, you're getting played.

You may not like to hear this right now, but truth is she's an attention whore. She'll string along as many guys as she can, just like she's stringing you along, just for the attention. You've said yourself other dudes have moved in on her before, and your buddy is one of them. She just likes the attention. 

Find better than that. She ain't worth your bloody time. Trust me man... I've been in those situations before... and don't you dare say "no, this girl's not like that" because she's exactly like that. *She's feeding you sh*t and promising pudding.* 

In anywhere between a week and a month you'll find out she's dating some other guy and you'll see exactly what I'm talking about.

You don't need that. Move on.


----------



## flint757

Nicki said:


> Dude, you're getting played.
> 
> You may not like to hear this right now, but truth is she's an attention whore. She'll string along as many guys as she can, just like she's stringing you along, just for the attention. You've said yourself other dudes have moved in on her before, and your buddy is one of them. She just likes the attention.
> 
> Find better than that. She ain't worth your bloody time. Trust me man... I've been in those situations before... and don't you dare say "no, this girl's not like that" because she's exactly like that. *She's feeding you sh*t and promising pudding.*
> 
> In anywhere between a week and a month you'll find out she's dating some other guy and you'll see exactly what I'm talking about.
> 
> You don't need that. Move on.


 
I don't think he has given us enough info to absolutely draw the conclusion that he is being 'played'. 

Now the text thing is probably a bit of cat and mouse and/or she is genuinely busy. A lot of people do the delayed call/texting game to not come across as needy. 

Not enough has been addressed to draw any real conclusions though, but I will say that there is never a 'right' time to start a relationship. Relationships just happen and they are rarely timed well. We make time.


----------



## Church2224

flint757 said:


> I don't think he has given us enough info to absolutely draw the conclusion that he is being 'played'.
> 
> Now the text thing is probably a bit of cat and mouse and/or she is genuinely busy. A lot of people do the delayed call/texting game to not come across as needy.
> 
> Not enough has been addressed to draw any real conclusions though, but I will say that there is never a 'right' time to start a relationship. Relationships just happen and they are rarely timed well. We make time.



Pretty much what he said.

For one it was not a friend of mine making a move on her, or was it any one making a move on her at all. I have seen a guy actually doing so once around me and she actually was pretty uncomfortable about it. The time I did get worried was when her friend was talking to her for a bit and my mind just went some where. 

The main issue is she is moving in December to a few states over, also just life issues that I will not get into out of respect. I am trying to take her at face value, still am. 

Also I was the one who drew the conclusion is was not going to work, not her. She never did say no to the idea. She told me what has been going on, I just drew up from that conclusion that the timing is not right.

I know what it is like to be played, believe me out of all people I do. I highly doubt this is it.


----------



## MFB

Church2224 said:


> I know what it is like to be played, believe me out of all people I do. *I highly doubt this is it*.



That's also what people who have don't even realize they're being played say


----------



## wespaul

MFB said:


> That's also what people who have don't even realize they're being played say





But seriously, you need to cut your emotional ties with her. You're already getting jealous over her talking to other dudes, and you're letting your mind spin when she doesn't immediately text you back. You need to pull yourself back from this situation before you can be objective about what's going on.

I'm not saying cut her completely out of your life, but you can start by not responding to every one of her texts, and make it a point to not bump into her in public. Regardless if you're being played or not, you shouldn't be this emotionally wrapped up with her.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Nicki said:


> You may have been being playful when pulling the pencil away from her, but that's not how she views it. By pulling that stunt, you've shown a side of you that she doesn't like. Likely, she sees you as an ass now. You've either been friend-zoned or she's given up on you as a result.
> 
> You're last option is to make a gesture so that you reveal your feelings to her. If you're any good at drawing, and still have that same pencil, draw her portrait, or some sort of lovely flower, roll the piece of paper your drew it on up, put the pencil inside the roll and give it to her and apologize for being a jackass, walk away and wait for her to come to you.


 I'm quitting on her now.I think she at least messes around with an associate of mine.I overheard her speaking with a friend of hers,and she kept denying having any affiliations.However,the dude and her talk like best friends.Moving on...and the train does not stop...


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Going to a festival tomorrow, going to pick up some bitches!

Probably not, and don't call women bitches, they're not.


----------



## Nicki

Church2224 said:


> Pretty much what he said.
> 
> For one it was not a friend of mine making a move on her, or was it any one making a move on her at all. I have seen a guy actually doing so once around me and she actually was pretty uncomfortable about it. The time I did get worried was when her friend was talking to her for a bit and my mind just went some where.
> 
> The main issue is she is moving in December to a few states over, also just life issues that I will not get into out of respect. I am trying to take her at face value, still am.
> 
> Also I was the one who drew the conclusion is was not going to work, not her. She never did say no to the idea. She told me what has been going on, I just drew up from that conclusion that the timing is not right.
> 
> I know what it is like to be played, believe me out of all people I do. I highly doubt this is it.



My "advice" was directed at Obsidian.. not you.. must have quoted the wrong text for that one... but yeah, for you, you've got the right idea.


----------



## no_dice

YJGB said:


> don't call women bitches, they're not.



Let's be honest, some of them are.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

no_dice said:


> Let's be honest, some of them are.



Never had a woman bitch at me, never had a reason to call a girl a bitch. But could be the way I act around people, I act like I'm not an ultimate Autistic introvert nerd.


----------



## no_dice

Ha, neither do I. Don't mistake my simple statement for misogyny. You are obviously a very lucky guy who has only encountered well-balanced and generally pleasant females in his life.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

no_dice said:


> You are obviously a very lucky guy who has only encountered well-balanced and generally pleasant females in his life.



wat 

Seriously, I only know nutjobs, to be honest  But about 90% of them is a good nutjob, and the others I talk as little as possible to.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

YJGB said:


> Never had a woman bitch at me, never had a reason to call a girl a bitch. But could be the way I act around people, I act like I'm not an ultimate Autistic introvert nerd.



my last gf's mother wanted me to get into an argument with my bed ridden mother cuz she thought that was the best thing for her daughter. 

some women manage to ascend beyond bitch into .... level. count yourself lucky


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

I had my first random casual sex encounter last night.

Its looking like its going to evolve into a f*ck buddy setup. I've never been in this kinda thing before. Any words of wisdom?


----------



## Ibanezsam4

leftyguitarjoe said:


> I had my first random casual sex encounter last night.
> 
> Its looking like its going to evolve into a f*ck buddy setup. I've never been in this kinda thing before. Any words of wisdom?



i draw a distinction between bang buddy and friends with benefits. bang buddy means, to me, that what you have is physical attraction, but when it comes down to it under normal circumstances you wouldn't ever consider a relationship with that person. you're basically a commodity to each other. 

friends with benefits is tricky, because it implies i know the lady, have a good report with the lady, and have enough of a connection with said lady that a sexual encounter is not far fetched. why its tricky to me is that connection, for the most part it either goes you see each other or you don't. if you elected this route in my mind it implies that even though you like each other, there is some form of incompatibility that either has to be overcome or disregard. feelings become involved and it can suck really hard. 

if you want advice, have a lot of stuff going on in your life, hang with lots of friends, make new friends and all that goodness... and then have some casual sex when its convenient to you. but dont become physically dependent on each other.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Ibanezsam4 said:


> i draw a distinction between bang buddy and friends with benefits. bang buddy means, to me, that what you have is physical attraction, but when it comes down to it under normal circumstances you wouldn't ever consider a relationship with that person. you're basically a commodity to each other.



This. I dont ever see myself being with her. She is really hot and it was super fun but we dont really gel as friends.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

leftyguitarjoe said:


> This. I dont ever see myself being with her. She is really hot and it was super fun but we dont really gel as friends.



then treat it as something on the side, and not a main fixture in your life


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Ibanezsam4 said:


> then treat it as something on the side, and not a main fixture in your life



Word. Its convenient to have somewhere to get some while I look for something really worth it.


----------



## soliloquy

i am ....ing lost...sorry for the wall of text in advance

back story:
i met this girl at my work about 7 years ago. we hit it off and have been happy for the last 6 years or so. her dad died, which brought me much closer to her family. we were fairly young and my family wasn't in the country. because we (her and i) are not from a western culture (both of us are pakistani), we have to follow eastern traditions. as per tradition, we have a very popular concept of arranged marriages. day by day, my gf was getting tons of proposals that her mom had to turn down due to me being in the picture. but she kept feeling bad saying 'there is nothing wrong with these guys, they are a perfect match for my daughter and they match with our family really well, but she likes me and therefore she cant force her into it'. due to that, she kept pressuring us to make it official. it was sucking my happiness as i told her that i need to make something of myself before i get engaged. i'm not getting engaged based on an empty promise that i wont be able to fulfil; at the same time, there was a looming threat of watching my gf get married to someone else while i'm sitting on the sidelines still trying to make a name for myself. first step, i graduated and was busy hunting for jobs left right and centre. my family said that if things are getting serious between her and i, we might as well make it official via a verbal agreement for an engagement. 

verbal agreement is a cultural thing where families sit together to become one via their two kids. my family came over, sat down with hers, and things were good. that was 2 years ago. 

her mom, being very religious, didn't like the idea of her daughter getting a love marriage over an arranged marriage, so she kept telling everyone that we brought a proposal via an arranged marriage to keep 'face'. whatever, that didn't bother me. it bothered my parents but they kept their peace.

2 years go by, and my family moves home, where i am located. they said that lets start wedding preparations. my gf/fiance and i were happy. 

thats when things started getting ugly. the differences between our families started coming out more and more. up until now, our families were on the other side of the world, thus we had very little interaction with each other. now that they were sitting together to set a date for the wedding, things started breaking apart. 

my family is more modern. hers is traditional. because they lost a father/husband in the family, her mom is of the belief that the entire world is out there to feel sorry for her and pity her. they aren't as rich as they used to be due to losing the main bread-winner. and that is expected. but because my gf is the youngest, and only girl of a family of about 40 people (cousins, niece, nephews etc), they want to go ALL out on her wedding. but at the same time they want to make it small and intimate and private. they are on a budget for about 10-15k that includes all the wedding prep and whatever is left from that fund goes to my gf/fiance. 

my family is saying 'whatever you guys want, you guys decide is fine by us. however, my parents aren't really taking a stand. they just keep saying 'we just want it to be classy, but dont really care for anything else'. 

my family isn't communicating with hers, nor hers with mine. we are the middle men and its getting annoying. 

my gf and i had enough and booked a hall without consulting our parents. we saw several halls and decided on one that we both agreed upon as soon as we walked through the door. it was a bit expensive, so we booked it for 200 people (100 each in terms of guests). my family was happy about it as the hall was beautiful. her mom was upset as she said that TONS of people were there when her husband dies, and if they were there for the family during their bad/dark times, then they are required to be there for the happy moments too. she wants to invite 250 people on her end and 100 on our end. they cant afford it. 

i offered to cancel the hall and go for a much cheaper hall, but i kept saying you invite more people to a cheaper hall and you're only saving 75 dollars in the end. its not worth it. i'm looking at it realistically, but they are looking at it emotionally.

in terms of living conditions after we get married, culturally speaking, a man is to marry his bride and bring her to his family's house. religiously speaking, a man is to marry his bride when he can afford a house/privacy for the new couple. however, personally speaking, i want to live alone. at least for the first few years of the wedding to get familiar with each other and work shit out. once my parents retire, old-folks home is NOT an option for me, unless they have dementia or something else that is beyond my control. thus we live together once that happens. i've always wanted to live alone as the biggest thing that pisses me off beyond comprehension is when people ask me who/what/where/when/why/how about my personal life. my friends know this of me. i will go hell and back for them to resolve any of their issues and will not rest until their problems are resolved. however, when it comes to my problems, i always tell them that its my problems and i dont want to burden them with any of it. its my own shit and i'll handle it. they all understand that and respect it. when my parents were living away for 5 years, i got JUST that. i got my personal space and privacy that i always wanted. i loved it and thrived in it. i also grew up in that solitude and became much stronger as a person. i personally hate living under the rules or restrictions of anyone. its not just parents. as soon as you put restrictions on me, let that be games, teachers/projects/sports/gym/cars/guitars/projects etc...i know, its my personal stupidity. but you restrict me to do anything, and i will go way out of my way to test those limits. 

my parents are beyond upset at this. they weren't there when i was living alone, thus they dont see the changes that occurred in me during this time. they thing its all my gf and her family trying to manipulate me to live alone. they believe that since my gf's mom is a widow, they are investing everything in me so i can support them and only them. WTF is that shit?! i thought culturally speaking, when 2 people get married, its their families that come together...my mom is kind of supportive saying it hurts her that i dont want to live with them, but she will support me. my dad is going insane and going back and forth with it. 

whenever i try to defend myself and my personal belief, they say its my gf that is speaking through me, and her manipulating me. therefore i just dont share my personal opinions or views with my family. then they get upset saying i dont talk to them. i feel my voice isn't heard, and my opinion isn't respected in my family. they want me to communicate with them, but whenever i do, they get upset for me having a voice or opinion.

i keep telling them that its not like i'm abandoning them in anyway shape or form.to prove it, i have two jobs that is slowly deteriorating me, but one of the jobs is going strictly towards my parents. they hardly worked in canada, thus they dont have any pension in canada. me working two jobs is to support their retirement. 

going back to her family. her family is fairly traditional, where the male is the breadwinner and the wife is the home maker. going through university and learning TONS of stuff about neo-liberalism and how dangerous it is in most cases, i refuse to have my kids being raised by nannys or tv. i like the idea of having a home maker. granted, i also understand that the economy of today is forcing us to have two working parents. even if the mom is working part time while the kids are at work. thats fine. my family on the other hand is a bit radical in that sense. from my first memory of her, my mom has always been an entrepreneurial. my mom always has been a working mom, always too busy with her work. often times out doing my dad in terms of income, but that matters little to me. what did matter to me is that my mom was too busy with her work to spend time with my middle sister (older than me) and i. push came to shove, thus my mom took up business and almost neglected us. i dont want that happening to my kids. 

my family is losing respect for my gf because she wants just that. she is a VERY brilliant person and very talented. she graduated from college and even before graduation, she had a job lined up in her field where people are fighting other managers to bring her to their branch/district. and career is important to her, as is education, but she is saying that she will not compromise on her family. and i see her eye to eye on that. its not that she is abandoning her career and education, but sacrificing that to support the house/family more while i become the main breadwinner of the family. 

at the same time, someone is lying to me and i have no idea who to trust. her mom is of the belief that my parents hate my gf/fiance. saying that my parents think shes not tall, skinny, pretty, white (indian/pakistani/bangladeshi/sri lankan culture strongly admires white complexion in people, which came from the british colonialism. its the stupidest thing EVER, but it is what it is...) etc. while whenever i confront my parents, they say that they like the girl, but dont like her mom. then a few days later they say that 'we like the girl, but JUST SO YOU KNOW, other people think i can do better'. i get it, every parent wants the best for their kids. but i keep telling my dad that i really could care less about what other people think as i'm not marrying them. at the same time, they weren't there when i was born to judge me, nor will they be there when i die to judge me, so why in the purple hell do i care about what they have to think about me? my parents are of a strong belief to make everyone else happy first, and the rest of the pieces will fit together. 

my family thinks that her family is fairly conservative and selfish. i said that that is as far from reality as possible. they LOVE giving everything they have to help others. then my parents twist that saying 'they are investing in you so you can support them'. WTF is that shit?! so on one end they are selfish because they give things, but also they are selfish for giving me gifts and shit to make myself feel better and more invested in their family.

at the same time, my family is strictly against eating out. her family likes it, saying it brings families together and its celebrating smaller things. i agree with that. i know if we get married, my parents will always be looking down on her and i because we like eating out. sure, we wont be super rich, thus maybe eat out on special occasions. or even if we dont, it would be nice to have the freedom to eat out or do whatever i want. 

what upsets me the most is that i'm an adult. what i'm looking the most from my parents is an acknowledgement saying 'we raised a bright, intelligent son. we know he will make the best decisions based on his ability and we will support him for it'. even if they are mistakes, at least i was strong enough to make those decisions on my own. at least they had trusted me enough to make those on my own. but because they weren't there when i was struggling to finish through university. they weren't there when i was struggling to find a job. they weren't there when i was struggling to figure out what to do, they dont know how i evolved into the person i am today. they dont know me, and i am their own son. every time i try talking to them, it just falls apart and that breaks my heart as i'm trying to support them while i am supporting my gf and her family too. 

now i am so ....ed up and lost. on one end, i love my gf. she is my best friend, and a person that has always supported me and made me the man i am today, and each day she makes me want to improve myself. but at the same time, they are my parents and i cant abandon them. 

now, the only thing i can think of is a few different situations...1) marry my best friend, move in with my parents and hope they get over their insanity. 2) marry my best friend, move out and hope my parents come to terms with it eventually. i get my privacy that way, no one keeps tabs on me or gives me any restrictions. 3) marry my best friend, move out, cut off all ties from both the families and start our own. there will be lost of struggle starting up fresh and independent of our parents support 4) say good bye to my best friend and choose my parents over my own happiness and future family. this way, i'll prolly keep her as a close friend, but also see her get married to someone else as well while i sit on the side lines. 



-someone help me...i'm ....ing lost and confused. i'm not good with words and i have a hard time expressing myself. so hopefully i make sense on here to get some of it to make sense.


----------



## Negav

^ I'd say option 2. Your family will always be your family but you love her and you shouldn't just let her go. Marry her and move out. Your family will eventually go back to terms with themselves. Be sure to let your gf know you love her and that you two are meant to be and share a future and happiness, sadness, everything together. Don't let family decide your or her future, or else you'll be the most miserable man alive. Again...do not let her go.


----------



## abandonist

I'm not going to even pretend to know what the cultural ramifications of it are, but I'd say marry the girl and do your own thing together.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

marry her and move out. you both have invested in your futures, and should be given your space initially


----------



## flint757

You sound very confused. You essentially describe yourself as independent and a rebel yet are working very hard to be/do the opposite. All your options are about pleasing your parents which is honestly a confusing matter. Your mother worked, they are more modern, and they are okay with a love based marriage yet they seem to be giving you the most grief over it all. 

I won't even pretend to comprehend the nuances of your traditions/lifestyle, but I don't honestly think you're going to get an answer here that is more in support of these traditions or your family. If you love this girl don't give her up. It's actually pretty normal for in-laws to butt heads, sometimes you get lucky and sometimes you don't. Make the decision that ultimately you can live with making.

Discuss your concerns with your fiancé and see what she feels/thinks on the matter. You aren't the only one dealing with this.


----------



## Konfyouzd

This is awkward...

Decided to try working w a singer--male singer. He comes over and we work on some tracks then proceed to just have general music convo. 

When he leaves a buddy of mine that was around asks me: "Did dude seem like he might be gay to you?"

I honestly hadn't noticed or thought about it so I shrugged it off. 

Later on--around 2AM--I get a text from the singer: "Are you gay?" I told him no and asked why he was asking... "It doesn't matter. I was just wondering. Sorry for being nosy."

Well... Mmkay....

I can apparently attract EVERYTHING but what I actually like.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

soliloquy said:


> what upsets me the most is that i'm an adult. what i'm looking the most from my parents is an acknowledgement saying 'we raised a bright, intelligent son. we know he will make the best decisions based on his ability and we will support him for it'. even if they are mistakes, at least i was strong enough to make those decisions on my own. at least they had trusted me enough to make those on my own. but because they weren't there when i was struggling to finish through university. they weren't there when i was struggling to find a job. they weren't there when i was struggling to figure out what to do, they dont know how i evolved into the person i am today. they dont know me, and i am their own son. every time i try talking to them, it just falls apart and that breaks my heart as i'm trying to support them while i am supporting my gf and her family too.



I can't begin to imagine all the cultural and religious protocols your trying to go through right now, but this seemed to stick out to me putting all that stuff aside. 

Maybe its time for some tuff love and let them now loud and clear how you feel towards them not being around and how they are treating you now, you wont be able to provide and look after your family in the future if they wear you down to a point where you can't work/over stressed and snap/have depression (yea i know worst case scenario). Don't go and attack them, just state your case, and then "This is what i'm doing with my life, either support me leave me to it" or something similar.


----------



## Negav

Konfyouzd said:


> This is awkward...
> 
> Decided to try working w a singer--male singer. He comes over and we work on some tracks then proceed to just have general music convo.
> 
> When he leaves a buddy of mine that was around asks me: "Did dude seem like he might be gay to you?"
> 
> I honestly hadn't noticed or thought about it so I shrugged it off.
> 
> Later on--around 2AM--I get a text from the singer: "Are you gay?" I told him no and asked why he was asking... "It doesn't matter. I was just wondering. Sorry for being nosy."
> 
> Well... Mmkay....
> 
> I can apparently attract EVERYTHING but what I actually like.



If he thinks you might be gay, there might be something in you that might be repelling the women. Take a look at yourself in the mirror, a good long look. When you find that thing, kill it with fire before it makes you gay.  On the real though, I wonder why he said it.


----------



## flint757

I had a close friend whom I suspected was gay hit on me, ask me if I was gay and then tell me he was gay shortly down the road. Nothing wrong with him or me in the situation. I suspect dating is significantly harder for gay people as the world is made up of a majority of straight people (so the stats say at least). They have to deal with that hurdle on top of rejection and potentially offending someone who may be a tad macho and/or ruining friendships.


----------



## Church2224

The other night I was at a bar and an older guy I was talking to asked me if I was straight (Weird since I was with a girl there) and I said Yeah. He goes "Damn, all the good looking ones are."

I will take it as a compliment. He thought I was attractive and down to earth. He then gave me his number and said "Hey if you ever want to hang out, experiment or want some head, let me know." The guy was also 47 years old, I am 22. 

I honestly was tearing up because I wanted to laugh so hard. No offense to gay people I just thought the whole situation was hilariously awkward.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Church2224 said:


> He then gave me his number and said "Hey if you ever want to hang out, experiment or want some head, let me know."


Why can't women be that straightforward?


----------



## piggins411

I would feel really flattered to be hit on by a gay man I think. Real confidence builder


----------



## Church2224

piggins411 said:


> I would feel really flattered to be hit on by a gay man I think. Real confidence builder




Oh I was complimented. Just like Mastodon said, I wish good looking women would be just as blunt as this guy was


----------



## Konfyouzd

It's more justa conversation I'd rathe not have. I dont even know if he was actually hitting on me. He might have just thought I was gay and wanted to make sure I wasn't. Perhaps he's a homophobe. But the time of night and the way he acted when I said I wasnt' does seem to suggest that he was gay and at least looking to see if I shared his preferences...


----------



## no_dice

Konfyouzd said:


> It's more justa conversation I'd rathe not have. I dont even know if he was actually hitting on me. He might have just thought I was gay and wanted to make sure I wasn't. Perhaps he's a homophobe. But the time of night and the way he acted when I said I wasnt' does seem to suggest that he was gay and at least looking to see if I shared his preferences...



It's extremely awkward. I had a co-worker come out to me several years ago, and it was made worse when he offered a few times to perform sexual favors for me.


----------



## sniperfreak223

piggins411 said:


> I would feel really flattered to be hit on by a gay man I think. Real confidence builder



I've had it happen before, it's really odd when it does happen...especially when you're at work and a dude has to pull you aside to compliment you on your "unbelievably beautiful blue eyes"...my co-workers still haven't let that one go, even though that guy quit about 5 months ago.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

soliloquy said:


> wall of text



Coming from the same culture as yourself, I'd personally lean toward option 1-all things considered it would seem that my parents are far more progressive than yours, so I can't say I could ever see myself in your position. 

I definitely would stick with 1 or 2, family is as important as it gets and the key to getting the balance between what your parents want and what you want is maintaining a dialogue. If I read your post right your parents will be living in Canada as opposed to Pakistan now(?) so if you went with option 2 I'd stick fairly close by, perhaps within the same city.

You may find that if you maintain a distance where regular contact is feasible, your parents will ease off due to the percieved security of having you nearby and you'll get the space you want whilst perhaps indeed integrating them more into your life at a pace that's comfortable for everyone involved (I don't mean to be presumptuous in implying that you're not close enough with your parents or whatever, so apologies if that came off that way, it is not intended to at all)

I think that as a human being and indeed as a Muslim (IIRC you mentioned fasting for Ramadan in the lifting thread so I'm making an assumption on that basis) you owe it to yourself to follow your heart in this case and if your parents are "progressive" enough to allow you to move overseas and then come over themselves then they'll come around sooner or later.

Whatever you choose, I wish you the best of luck.


----------



## ASoC

soliloquy said:


> A massive amount of text



Option number 2 seems like the best way to go (keep in mind that I don't come from the same place as you culturally at all)

Now on to my personal update: My relationship with the gf has been great, but since school started up again we've both gotten busier (which was expected) and we talk a bit less than we used to. Not a sign of anything bad, I think, we just don't have as much free time to sit down and have a nice conversation. Date night tomorrow though, I'm glad I'll have a chance to spend some time with her and just talk 

Keep the faith, bros. If a slob like me can find someone that makes me this happy, then there's someone for everyone


----------



## -42-

piggins411 said:


> I would feel really flattered to be hit on by a gay man I think. Real confidence builder



It starts out like this, but it does get old pretty quickly. 

On an unrelated note, I've been handling rejection a lot better than I had anticipated. Lonely and horny is basically the status quo anyways.


----------



## Nicki

soliloquy said:


> wall of text



There's a few points I want to address.

1. I think it's admirable that you're working a second job so that your parents can live in Canada. However, you need to realize that it's part (psychologically) part of the problem. Let's look at everything that's going to happen, then look at the possible results of those events. You get married, you live on your own with your gf/fiance/wife, you start a family. Results: You're still working 2 jobs, your have financial obligations and responsibilities to your wife, when you have kids, they become financial responsibilities, you work so much that you don't have time for your wife and kids, your wife complains that you don't spend enough time with your family, your kids begin to resent you for not being around while they grow up, and make the same complaints that you're making against your own parents: "They weren't there when...", because your own family is your financial responsibility, you may end up in a situation where some or all of the money you make with your second job can no longer go to your parents (which is something they're thinking in the back of their mind subconsciously) and they're left with little to nothing to live on. You moving in with them means that they won't have to sacrifice any of those finances, in fact, they'd probably gain more from it.

You have 2 other siblings. If they're in Canada, they should be sharing the financial burden with you. You SHOULD NOT be the only one supporting your parents. On top of that, the Canadian government gives large amounts of money for living expenses and tax breaks to immigrants. 

2. (I'm sorry if this point sounds ignorant, but it's really not meant to be) Your parents made the decision to move to Canada. One of the byproducts of doing so is accepting that there are different traditions that people, be they family or not, choose to follow. It is not their place to dictate where and how you live your life while here in Canada. And the same goes for your gf/fiance's mother & family. It is not their place in this country to dictate who she gets to marry. Tradition may be important, but accepting diversity takes precedence. Diversity is part of the Canadian culture and a tradition in its own right. Your families made the choice to live in Canada, so they must accept that things will not have to be as they are in Pakistan. I could cite various parts of the Constitution that plainly say you're both free to do as you want, live as you want and marry who you want, but I know how important family is to your culture as it is to mine. Just keep in mind that you have these rights and your families cannot impose their will on you both. If your families are too ignorant to: respect that you are not forsaking your heritage, abandoning them or that you and your fiance want a balance between Pakistani and Canadian culture, then they are not understanding what it means to fundamentally be Canadian.

3. I agree with everyone saying that your families will come around. No matter what you and your gf/fiance are their son and daughter. But, sometimes a rather big fallout is what it takes to come to middle ground. Just be prepared for that should it come it.

My advice is that your siblings should share the financial burden of supporting your parents. This way you won't have to work 2 jobs and you'll have time for your own family. 

You and your gf/fiance should live on your own. You are beginning your lives together and it's not for anyone else to step in and dictate or influence how you two live.

Finally, stop resenting your parents for "Not being there when..." because it will only breed more resentment. It happened, get over it, move on. They may not understand how you came to be the person you are now, but they will learn who you are and what you want if you give them that chance.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

-42- said:


> It starts out like this, but it does get old pretty quickly.
> 
> On an unrelated note, I've been handling rejection a lot better than I had anticipated. Lonely and horny is basically the status quo anyways.



Lmao


----------



## soliloquy

to all those replied to my wall of text, thank you, i really appreciate it.
to anyone wondering, yes, i'm pakistani, and i'm also muslim. part of that problem i'm having is trying to figure out if i'm pakistani, saudi arabian, muslim, canadian, son, brother, husband/boyfriend, breadwinner first. having all different identities clashing with one another is kind of hard to maintain a balance.

i think i'm leaning closer to option 2, marry my gf, move out on our own. but like Nicki above suggested, keep in close proximity with my parents and never let them feel my absences. 

i was born and raised in saudi arabia, where my parents had resided for the last 30 years. 

instead of waiting for them to retire to give em whatever i've saved up, i guess i can start paying towards the mortgage again (while they were gone, i used to pay the mortgage every other month without them knowing. if they found out, they'd yell at me as 'they are the adults that should take care of me' bs...), that way they are forced to save for their future, and reduce their expensive as well. perhaps they'll finally see me as an adult capable of making my own decisions and support those around me as well. 

once again, thank you all!


----------



## soliloquy

....and i just got dumped....


----------



## flint757

Sorry to hear it man.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

shit... im sorry dude


----------



## soliloquy

This really blows. Attending a funeral for a friend, then the same day getting dumped the same day is seriously taking a toll on me. I see my dead friend and my ex all over the place. From an apple, to a tree, to a river... :-/


----------



## Konfyouzd

That really blows... It will pass, but I'm sure that's not helpful at the moment. Play more guitar and hang out with remaining good friends? 

I'm really at a loss as I've actually never lost anyone close to me to death. I've lost people close to me for all sorts of other reasons though--mainly me being a DICK.


----------



## tacotiklah

I'm coming up in the world. Seems this girl I've been pursuing is pretty dead set on doing all kinds of freaky stuff with me. Without giving too much tmi, let's just say that my fridays and saturdays are booked solid.


----------



## tacotiklah

And she flaked on me today.
It's gonna be one of THOSE things I'm sure.


----------



## texshred777

@Soliloquy
That's rough man.

I hate to say it but I can relate, my wife dropped the divorce talk on me the day of my grandfather's funeral. It was a relief to be honest, at least I knew what the hell was going on. The previous week it had been her acting all mopey and silent.


----------



## texshred777

ghstofperdition said:


> And she flaked on me today.
> It's gonna be one of THOSE things I'm sure.


 

BOOOOOOOOOOO!!


----------



## AndruwX

Should I feel bad if I felt pleasure from kissing one of the most beautiful girls I have ever met not because I liked her but because my best friend is in love with her?
I mean I kinda liker her, but when we were kissing I was thinking "I think Gus would love being in my shoes right now"


----------



## Negav

AndruwX said:


> Should I feel bad if I felt pleasure from kissing one of the most beautiful girls I have ever met not because I liked her but because my best friend is in love with her?
> I mean I kinda liker her, but when we were kissing I was thinking "I think Gus would love being in my shoes right now"



 I would stop being your friend in that instant. When I was younger I saw a guy who was my friend kiss my crush. I stopped being friend with him and thought he was not worth it. I don't know why you did it but you should feel bad. Why? Because your BEST FRIEND is " in love " with her.


----------



## AndruwX

Negav said:


> I would stop being your friend in that instant. When I was younger I saw a guy who was my friend kiss my crush. I stopped being friend with him and thought he was not worth it. I don't know why you did it but you should feel bad. Why? Because your BEST FRIEND is " in love " with her.



Hahahaha, I just tried to sound like a dick. My best friend confessed to her but she friendzoned him. She has a thing for me and I have a thing for her, it's pretty simple. He doesn't know, though. I hope he never knows. ...., he could even hate me.


----------



## flint757

AndruwX said:


> Should I feel bad if I felt pleasure from kissing one of the most beautiful girls I have ever met not because I liked her but because my best friend is in love with her?
> I mean I kinda liker her, but when we were kissing I was thinking "I think Gus would love being in my shoes right now"



Sorry, but if your bud is just crushing on her (and nothing has, is or is going to be)there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty. Women aren't property and she made her choice so enjoy. If she friend-zoned your friend then it was never going to happen and that is that for his saga in her world. Not being your friend over it would be incredibly immature and childish honestly. Obviously if said friend is going to over react and consequently it jeopardizes your friendship I suppose it is worth considering not going there, but seriously guys some growing up needs to happen. 

This would never be an issue in my circle of friends. I've had one friend attempt to discourage me from dating his ex by saying she wouldn't be interested, but if I had he would have gotten over it and moved on. 'Bro's before ho's' doesn't only mean picking your friends over a girl. It also means that your friendship should be good enough that a girl couldn't ruin your friendship to begin with. Honestly if it ended your friendship he wasn't a very close friend to begin with. 

Also, you can't love someone you've never been with. Sounds more like obsession/infatuation.


----------



## Murmel

AndruwX said:


> Hahahaha, I just tried to sound like a dick. My best friend confessed to her but she friendzoned him. She has a thing for me and I have a thing for her, it's pretty simple. He doesn't know, though. I hope he never knows. ...., he could even hate me.


I've been on the other side of the spectrum 2 times. If it happens to me again I'm probably gonna flip shit. 
It's a fckuking asshole thing to do what you did, but if there's anthing I've learned, it's that love is an asshole and the most selfish thing in the world.

If you're buddy is REALLY in love with her, then I'd say prepare that you might lose a friend. If it's just a simple crush it might work out.

Also, there's no way in hell he's not gonna find out if you two get together. Especially if he's your best friend with the guy.


----------



## UnderTheSign

flint757 said:


> Sorry, but if your bud is just crushing on her (and nothing has, is or is going to be)there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty. *Women aren't property* and she made her choice so enjoy. If she friend-zoned your friend then it was never going to happen and that is that for his saga in her world. Not being your friend over it would be incredibly immature and childish honestly. Obviously if said friend is going to over react and consequently it jeopardizes your friendship I suppose it is worth considering not going there, but seriously guys some growing up needs to happen.


Key piece of advice here.


----------



## Negav

AndruwX said:


> Hahahaha, I just tried to sound like a dick. My best friend confessed to her but she friendzoned him. She has a thing for me and I have a thing for her, it's pretty simple. He doesn't know, though. I hope he never knows. ...., he could even hate me.



Oh wait she friendzoned him? Well that changes things. But still, remember he has feelings.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Aaaaaand now I'm coming back to my relationship guru buddies here. I hung out with my ex last night. After I banged that random slut at a party last week, it did the opposite of making my forget my ex. It made me miss her more. Out of nowhere last night she asked my to go get GTAV with her and we took turns playing till we died for 5 hours haha. It was a great evening.

I just dont know what the f*ck is going on. Her motives are a total mystery to me. I would love nothing more than to get back together with her but I cant tell if she's trying to do that and just testing the waters first or if she just wanted to chill. We had one of those relationships where we could bro out and just chill like best friends. I dont want to get my hopes up in case its the latter, but I dont want to try and make things weird if shes trying to ease back into things.

Will keep ya'll updated.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

soliloquy said:


> ....and i just got dumped....




Hit up your best friends and so something exciting. You're not going to want to. Even when you get in the car and are on your way you'll want to go back, curl up, and wallow in misery. But, once you are having a good time with your bros, you'll feel better, even if only for a few hours.


----------



## Negav

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Aaaaaand now I'm coming back to my relationship guru buddies here. I hung out with my ex last night. After I banged that random slut at a party last week, it did the opposite of making my forget my ex. It made me miss her more. Out of nowhere last night she asked my to go get GTAV with her and we took turns playing till we died for 5 hours haha. It was a great evening.
> 
> I just dont know what the f*ck is going on. Her motives are a total mystery to me. I would love nothing more than to get back together with her but I cant tell if she's trying to do that and just testing the waters first or if she just wanted to chill. We had one of those relationships where we could bro out and just chill like best friends. I dont want to get my hopes up in case its the latter, but I dont want to try and make things weird if shes trying to ease back into things.
> 
> Will keep ya'll updated.



Definitely want to hear more. This has never happened to me, so I am interested in how it'll play out.


----------



## soliloquy

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Hit up your best friends and so something exciting. You're not going to want to. Even when you get in the car and are on your way you'll want to go back, curl up, and wallow in misery. But, once you are having a good time with your bros, you'll feel better, even if only for a few hours.



perhaps...
shes trying to get me back, or maintain friends. like i said, she is my closest/best friend. i'm trying to figure out if the third option is the best for me, to end all communication and move on...

shes apologizing, and i really do love her. but i know it wont solve anything as we really dont see eye to eye. with or without her, i'll still be moving out as my family is another issue...

and my running low on friends...

good thing is that i dropped my second job, so i do have some more time on my hands for guitar/photography/gym...


----------



## glassmoon0fo

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Aaaaaand now I'm coming back to my relationship guru buddies here. I hung out with my ex last night. After I banged that random slut at a party last week, it did the opposite of making my forget my ex. It made me miss her more. Out of nowhere last night she asked my to go get GTAV with her and we took turns playing till we died for 5 hours haha. It was a great evening.
> 
> I just dont know what the f*ck is going on. Her motives are a total mystery to me. I would love nothing more than to get back together with her but I cant tell if she's trying to do that and just testing the waters first or if she just wanted to chill. We had one of those relationships where we could bro out and just chill like best friends. I dont want to get my hopes up in case its the latter, but I dont want to try and make things weird if shes trying to ease back into things.
> 
> Will keep ya'll updated.


 
Have a girl I haven't seen in a month doing the exact thing right now. If you look at in from a desirable woman's point of view, it's probably pretty easy to keep an ex interested while you look around for new guys, so whatever you do DON'T drop your guard and start thinking she's all yours again. Concentrate on being attractive and building report again, and hope for the best. That's pretty much all you can do to keep your power unless you also have other girls around you to show her you are desirable. Be cool and expect nothing, it'll protect your heart and you'll come off as more aloof. 

I've never been one to play games this way, but the more I look into it, the more I see that it IS a power struggle the whole time you're dealing with a young attractive female, and there's no use in being any less than better than them at it. Knuckle up dawg, and good luck.


----------



## Church2224

Best thing to do is not play any games period. If anything stands out and makes you skeptical or question her motives I say move on. One thing you need to learn is to determine what is real and what is not.

That being said if she gives you no reason not to trust her, I do not think you shouldn't trust her motives if she sounds like she is interested again. 

Life is too short to deal with the immaturity and games a lot of young girls (And even us guys) pull. Your time and emotions are too precious for that. Save it for the women who are really worth it. Trust me, they are out there.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

AndruwX said:


> Hahahaha, I just tried to sound like a dick. My best friend confessed to her but she friendzoned him. She has a thing for me and I have a thing for her, it's pretty simple. He doesn't know, though. I hope he never knows. ...., he could even hate me.



As a guy who's been in a similar position to your friend, he may be upset yeah but if he gets really pissed at you/starts to hate you then he can go eat a dick. Making a friend feel bad for doing something like that (especially considering that they have NOTHING together) is a douche move, one that I hope I'd never make


----------



## Church2224

^ At least talk to the guy about it, take him into consideration. You two are free to do what you want but he might appreciate it more if you tell him.

Trust me, if he gets surprised by it, THAT is when he will be pissed.


----------



## tacotiklah

So far I'm doing good with this girl. We've got a FWB thing going on and it's working out great. In other news, her and I had some fun and now I can barely walk. I feel like she earned me making her a sandwich.  

The only catch is that I have feelings for her and her for me, but we're in a situation where neither of us can have a relationship right now. I fear that may complicate things later down the road. In which case, .... it. I'll enjoy this ride (giggity) while it lasts and make the most of it.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

glassmoon0fo said:


> Have a girl I haven't seen in a month doing the exact thing right now. If you look at in from a desirable woman's point of view, it's probably pretty easy to keep an ex interested while you look around for new guys, so whatever you do DON'T drop your guard and start thinking she's all yours again. Concentrate on being attractive and building report again, and hope for the best. That's pretty much all you can do to keep your power unless you also have other girls around you to show her you are desirable. Be cool and expect nothing, it'll protect your heart and you'll come off as more aloof.
> 
> I've never been one to play games this way, but the more I look into it, the more I see that it IS a power struggle the whole time you're dealing with a young attractive female, and there's no use in being any less than better than them at it. Knuckle up dawg, and good luck.



Dude, this is amazing. Thanks a million!! I'm still going to hang out and see whats what. I still have that booty call from earlier in this thread. And I'm "talking" to another girl.

Jesus what am I doing 

Oh, and I banged a (22 year old) milf and it was the best vagina ever. Things definitely shrink back to size.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

.... yeah, son.
*.... yeah, Dad.


----------



## AndruwX

How can I convince a sweet sweet married 30yo milf to have sex? It looks like it'll be kinda hard. But, damn, she's hot. She lives near me by the way.


----------



## flint757

Pizza delivery guy, bring her groceries in, pool guy or any combination of the above. There has been extensive 3rd party research on the subject and these seem to have a 99.99% success rate.


----------



## BlackMastodon

^I think they even have video documentation of this working.


----------



## MFB

BlackMastodon said:


> ^I think they even have video documentation of this working.



They sure helped me "train" to be a pizza delivery guy


----------



## Ibanezsam4

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Dude, this is amazing. Thanks a million!! I'm still going to hang out and see whats what. I still have that booty call from earlier in this thread. And I'm "talking" to another girl.
> 
> Jesus what am I doing
> 
> Oh, and I banged a (22 year old) milf and it was the best vagina ever. Things definitely shrink back to size.




interesting... banged a 24 year old milf and that was not tight in the slightest


----------



## Mexi

I'm sorry, but there NEEDS to be a cutoff age for what qualifies as a "true" milf. teen mom milf and 50-something milfs are like apples and oranges, just sayin.

and unless she's had multiple births, a woman's vagina will almost always return to its original size/tightness over time. any perceived looseness on her end could mean she needs to work out those kegels a little more. overall, there is very little scientific basis for the long-held myth that the more sex women have, the looser their vaginas will be. It's simply a product of our gendered cultural thinking (which fuels the same myth behind women with larger labias)

but anyways...so I've been working as a research assistant on campus for about a month now and it's been great just getting out there without my usual self-consciousness and having the ability to just strike a up a convo with a girl and not feel a whole wealth of expectations from it. There is this latin dance club that I was coaxed into joining (by a very cute girl) that meets tonight and there is a ridiculous amount of girls going. Time to put on my dancing shoes


----------



## BlackMastodon

Mexi said:


> I'm sorry, but there NEEDS to be a cutoff age for what qualifies as a "true" milf. teen mom milf and 50-something milfs are like apples and oranges, just sayin.


If they are a mom then it's a milf by definition. That's why the older ones are cougars.


----------



## Mexi

BlackMastodon said:


> If they are a mom then it's a milf by definition. That's why the older ones are cougars.



it's funny because there actually is a debate on what "truly" defines cougars and the consensus on the internet (appears to be, at least) that cougars are characterized moreso by their _seemingly predatory sexual habits and preferences_ rather than their overt sexual attractiveness. milfs can be cougars but not all cougars are necessarily milfs lol. "milf" as a blanket term for all women who have had kids is just silly.

I suppose my issue is how milf is being applied in the context. for some older women, being called a milf is a sort of compliment because our culture seems to think that women over 40-50 are essentially un_f_uckable, which of course is flat-out untrue so it can be perceived as an ego boost for some. 

But on the other hand, it suggests that once you've had a child, you're no longer sexy or can't have the things that make you sexy to men. It is used in a back-handed compliment sort of way you would say: "you're really hot...for a bigger girl". By suggesting that she's a "milf" at 22, you're essentially saying "she's had a kid and DESPITE THAT, she's still worthy of being ....ed"

I dunno, I suppose when I'm thinking of a milf, I'm not thinking of the barebones biological fact of having birthed a human being, I'm thinking of the actual context where it was originally (and should be) used, but I digress haha.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Wow... I want the time it took to read the past 4 posts BACK...


----------



## Church2224

Konfyouzd said:


> Wow... I want the time it took to read the past 4 posts BACK...





I thought this was the love and relationships thread, not "The Science and Bangin' Biology of Milfs" Thread...

I kid I kid.


----------



## Mexi

I majored in the science and banging biology of milf's so I felt it necessary to lay down some *hard* troofs


----------



## Konfyouzd

I didn't cringe... I just found myself wondering why that was worth discussing... But in light of your comments, I can see how other pages of this thread would make me feel the same way...


----------



## MFB

Mexi said:


> "milf" as a blanket term for all women who have had kids is just silly.



Why?

The very definition of the word is "Mother I'd Like to Fuck" so why should it not be a blanket term for anyone who has had a kid when that's the first word of the anagram? Cougar is the one that shouldn't be a blanket term, nor is it, but because the first time MILF was used was for an older woman (specifically Stiffler's mom) we've always associated it that way; when in reality, a MILF can be anyone as young as sixteen or as old as 63 (I believe that's the current record for oldest birth).

OT : I  milfs/cougars, so carry on


----------



## UnderTheSign

Not seen my gf for almost 2 weeks. Can't ....ing wait till this Saturday...
I did get drunk texts from her last weekend telling me how happy she is with me so I'm good. Just. Y'know. Communication through phone doesn't really compare to actually seeing her.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Well here was my technique for milf banging:

Shot after shot after shot of Fireball. And then some more shots of Fireball.

Constantly grab her ass all night.

Wait for her to finish consoling your hysterically drunk and emotional sister.

Next thing you know you'll be having "meh" drunken sex on the floor next to a pull out couch.


----------



## Church2224

You all can have the milfs, I will take the young, sweet ethnic girls. You know, your Hispanics, Asians, Indian, Armenian. Their existence might be enough evidence for me to find religion again. 

I am amazed as to how much they are attracted to white guys, especially ones as handsome and humble as me....


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Church2224 said:


> You all can have the milfs, I will take the young, sweet ethnic girls. You know, your Hispanics, Asians, Indian, Armenian. Their existence might be enough evidence for me to find religion again.
> 
> I am amazed as to how much they are attracted to white guys, especially ones as handsome and humble as me....



The milf I did was half asian.

Boom.


----------



## Church2224

leftyguitarjoe said:


> The milf I did was half asian.
> 
> Boom.




You sir, Deserve a medal.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Church2224 said:


> You sir, Deserve a medal.



And so do the droves of men that got to her before me.

_*Droves.*_


Edit: I'm implying she is a woman of ill repute.
Double edit: Take all my posts today as an example of why you shouldnt forum while intoxicated.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

you're killin me Joe


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

leftyguitarjoe said:


> The milf I did was half asian.
> 
> Boom.



The other half was missing? At least you're sure she can't say no


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

I'm trying to juggle 3 girls now and they're all milfs. The girl I ditched my prom date for at prom just hit me up haha.

You see guys, I socially blossomed kinda slowly. I havent had a manwhore phase.... until now. I feel like I'm obligated to experience this.


----------



## JosephAOI

Started talking to this girl I'd seen around a bit and we completely hit it off. Insanely common interests, both obviously interested in each other. We're planning to hang out tomorrow. Haven't heard from her in like a full 24 hours though, which is weird cause she says she has hardcore insomnia and doesn't sleep for days.

Guys, help, I stupidly randomly fell for this girl and now I think she isn't interested anymore aghhhh 

.... my life.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Dude chill lol. She's text her in a day or two if you want, in the mean time get a grip and make a point to never come off as needy. She's awesome, and she probobly already knows you think that, so take charge and show her that you're the prize here and she should feel lucky to have your attention. Bee cool bro, you're in a good spot!


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Today i was in toys r us, thinking im going to have some awesome toys while i don't get laid. And then my junk got touched about 12 hours after that.... Life is pretty cool right now.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Dan_Vacant said:


> Today i was in toys r us, thinking im going to have some awesome toys while i don't get laid. And then my junk got touched about 12 hours after that.... Life is pretty cool right now.



It could be me, but the story of you getting touched on your nono parts after a visit to the Toys R Us really makes me want to call the police


----------



## Dan_Vacant

YJGB said:


> It could be me, but the story of you getting touched on your nono parts after a visit to the Toys R Us really makes me want to call the police



I was telling her stuff like that.


----------



## JosephAOI

glassmoon0fo said:


> Dude chill lol. She's text her in a day or two if you want, in the mean time get a grip and make a point to never come off as needy. She's awesome, and she probobly already knows you think that, so take charge and show her that you're the prize here and she should feel lucky to have your attention. Bee cool bro, you're in a good spot!



There's actually a lot more that was going on but I'm not sure how much you guys wanna hear truly bad news when you don't have to. Anyway, nothing's gonna come of me and her most likely. Didn't end up hanging out yesterday, like I thought, also.


----------



## AndruwX

I want to talk about something serious...
Is anyone here bothered about the sexual past of your girlfriend? Knowing the fact that my girl sucked 2+ dicks that are not mine kind of disgust me. Of course, I'm not a virgin chaser, but I think it's something we can all talk about here.
My ex had sex with 3 guys before and that started many many fights because of me and my lack of patience about that shit. I have been getting better (my current gf had only 2 sex partners and I don't give a .... seriously)

But iin my opinion is something that disturbs one's mind. What do you guys think?


----------



## RevelGTR

Lot's of people will probably say that's not right, but screw them! It's a perfectly normal thing to get upset about, even if it is irrational. It's one of those things that you ultimately have to forget about if you want to be happy in the relationship though, especially if she's faithful to you.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

AndruwX said:


> I want to talk about something serious...
> Is anyone here bothered about the sexual past of your girlfriend? Knowing the fact that my girl sucked 2+ dicks that are not mine kind of disgust me. Of course, I'm not a virgin chaser, but I think it's something we can all talk about here.
> My ex had sex with 3 guys before and that started many many fights because of me and my lack of patience about that shit. I have been getting better (my current gf had only 2 sex partners and I don't give a .... seriously)
> 
> But iin my opinion is something that disturbs one's mind. What do you guys think?



unless you're a virgin this is a non-issue. she slept with two guys. not a huge deal, i mean two hardly makes her a town bike. 

last girl i was with i'm pretty sure has had more partners than me. if its good sex and you like her and she's not cheating on you whats the big deal? 

also if the sex is good because she's had practice i'd be uber happy. i wouldnt as good in the sack as i am if it weren't for having sex with other people

EDIT: also if she gives good head because she's done it before... WIN! seriously if she doesnt have an STD or cheat on me i wouldn't worry about sexual partners.


----------



## MFB

AndruwX said:


> I want to talk about something serious...
> Is anyone here bothered about the sexual past of your girlfriend? Knowing the fact that my girl sucked 2+ dicks that are not mine kind of disgust me. Of course, I'm not a virgin chaser, but I think it's something we can all talk about here.
> My ex had sex with 3 guys before and that started many many fights because of me and my lack of patience about that shit. I have been getting better (my current gf had only 2 sex partners and I don't give a .... seriously)
> 
> But iin my opinion is something that disturbs one's mind. What do you guys think?


----------



## tacotiklah

AndruwX said:


> I want to talk about something serious...
> Is anyone here bothered about the sexual past of your girlfriend? Knowing the fact that my girl sucked 2+ dicks that are not mine kind of disgust me. Of course, I'm not a virgin chaser, but I think it's something we can all talk about here.
> My ex had sex with 3 guys before and that started many many fights because of me and my lack of patience about that shit. I have been getting better (my current gf had only 2 sex partners and I don't give a .... seriously)
> 
> But iin my opinion is something that disturbs one's mind. What do you guys think?



You're seriously over thinking it and getting worked up over nothing.
Women have sex. No, we don't have to "save it" just for you. You're not entitled to a woman's virginity. That's something a woman has to decide for herself when/where to "lose" it.

Second off, the fact that she gave other people head is really between her and that person and, to put it bluntly, none of your concern. The only thing that should matter is what goes on from the time she got with you until if/when you should ever decide to part ways.
If she goes around sucking other people's dicks while she's with you, then yeah by all means get mad at her.
But if you start up about who she slept with prior to you, you just come off sounding like an insecure douche. Don't be that guy, be the good guy that realizes your girl is with YOU and chose you for a reason.


----------



## Mexi

WSchaferJR said:


> Lot's of people will probably say that's not right, but screw them! _It's a perfectly normal thing to get upset about_, even if it is irrational.



I disagree. why on earth would the number of sexual partners that someone has had precipitate feelings of being upset? Irrational, certainly, which is why people need to do away with this ridiculous thinking. 

women are held to a ridiculous standard with regards to sex and are unfairly judged in any number of ways solely because they've had sex with _x _number of guys or sucked _x_ number of dicks. It is juvenile to maintain these outdated attitudes, so guys need to man up and accept the fact that women like sex as much as we do and will have as much of it as they want

I remember a few months ago when I hooked up with a girl, she asked me repeatedly during the act if I thought she was a slut, like she was convinced that how I labelled her would affect how she thought about her own actions. I think her preoccupation with being thought of as a slut was quite telling with the kinds of perceptions that young women have to put up with in their relationships with men.

Also, as ghostofperdition rightly pointed out to AndruwX, overthinking your girlfriend's sexual past is textbook male insecurity. get over that if you want to actually have positive, long-lasting relationships in the future


----------



## AndruwX

ghstofperdition said:


> You're seriously over thinking it and getting worked up over nothing.
> Women have sex. No, we don't have to "save it" just for you. You're not entitled to a woman's virginity. That's something a woman has to decide for herself when/where to "lose" it.
> 
> Second off, the fact that she gave other people head is really between her and that person and, to put it bluntly, none of your concern. The only thing that should matter is what goes on from the time she got with you until if/when you should ever decide to part ways.
> If she goes around sucking other people's dicks while she's with you, then yeah by all means get mad at her.
> But if you start up about who she slept with prior to you, you just come off sounding like an insecure douche. Don't be that guy, be the good guy that realizes your girl is with YOU and chose you for a reason.



I get you. The thing is, it was hard for me to accept my ex-gf past because of so many shit that I hated. You see, I was raised in a hardcore religious family and my mother is an Jehova's Witnessess, all that shit about purity and virginity was impregnated in my ....ing head. 

Like I said, I have been getting better, my current GF only had 2 sex partners, and honestly I don't care, obviously sometimes I get the chills imagining her sucking another guy or getting ....ed hard, is something that I really annoys me, but hell, it's not a problem anymore. I feel sometimes guilty, because my unfair judgement almost ruined my relationship with my ex, no because she slept with x person, is because she spent some time being a married man's lover, and for me being married is sacred, so sometimes because of that I called her a whore, and etc. Then, I thought things better and said "you know what? I love you, I honestly don't care anymore who you ....ed" but a month later, she stopped loving me because she's a loner  (she's kind of crazy, you know)

I learned the hard way that a woman being a no-virgin isn't the big deal, but hey, how can you judge me? I was raised with a bible in hand, that's some ....ed up shit. But whatever, I'm happy right now. And no, I'm not a virgin, but until now I have only had 2 partners (no sex with current gf...yet), so I'm not that into sex.


----------



## tacotiklah

AndruwX said:


> I get you. The thing is, it was hard for me to accept my ex-gf past because of so many shit that I hated. You see, I was raised in a hardcore religious family and my mother is an Jehova's Witnessess, all that shit about purity and virginity was impregnated in my ....ing head.
> 
> Like I said, I have been getting better, my current GF only had 2 sex partners, and honestly I don't care, obviously sometimes I get the chills imagining her sucking another guy or getting ....ed hard, is something that I really annoys me, but hell, it's not a problem anymore. I feel sometimes guilty, because my unfair judgement almost ruined my relationship with my ex, no because she slept with x person, is because she spent some time being a married man's lover, and for me being married is sacred, so sometimes because of that I called her a whore, and etc. Then, I thought things better and said "you know what? I love you, I honestly don't care anymore who you ....ed" but a month later, she stopped loving me because she's a loner  (she's kind of crazy, you know)
> 
> I learned the hard way that a woman being a no-virgin isn't the big deal, but hey, how can you judge me? I was raised with a bible in hand, that's some ....ed up shit. But whatever, I'm happy right now. And no, I'm not a virgin, but until now I have only had 2 partners (no sex with current gf...yet), so I'm not that into sex.



No judgment from me dude. I'm just giving you my  so take it with a factory of salt.
But understand that women don't like when guys try to dictate their sex life to them; even indirectly.
Best suggestion? Just don't think about who they were with or what they were doing prior. All that matters is the here and the now. If you have a great woman, don't .... that up by dwelling on the past. Live life to the fullest in the present so that the both of you can have an excellent future. 

(note that I'm not gonna touch the religion aspect. Too much difference of opinion there and is outside the scope of this thread.  )


----------



## flint757

If you can't handle the answer don't even ask. Hell even if you can handle the answer asking is just a bit odd IMO. Casual conversation maybe, but not intentionally. There's little reason why she should have told you and/or that you should have asked at all especially because it bugs you.


----------



## AndruwX

flint757 said:


> If you can't handle the answer don't even ask. Hell even if you can handle the answer asking is just a bit odd IMO. Casual conversation maybe, but not intentionally. There's little reason why she should have told you and/or that you should have asked at all especially because it bugs you.



For me, the most important thing in a relationship is trust, and trusting your couple means talking about everything.


----------



## flint757

Most guys can't handle the answer they get when they ask and it is absolutely irrational to be upset by said answer. The logical thing to do is to just not talk about it. Nobody should be getting mad because 'OMG my girlfriend is a human being and has been in relationships before'. That is just a very immature POV. Now if you can handle the response that is another story, but still not really anyone's business, especially specific details like 'who did she blow before me'.


----------



## Church2224

A lot of people need to come to terms with the fact that their significant other did have previous relationship. But there is a keyword there- previous. Those relationships are ended and in the past. Now she is with you, she wants you to make her moan like a wildebeest. 

I have never had an official relationship but I know that when I do, I will have to accept the fact that whoever I date has had previous relationships. I am 22 years old, it would be naive of me to think otherwise. I will admit that brings up anxiety but not on their part, I begin to think that I have missed out on a lot and she has experience so much more. Will I disappoint her, how can I compare, ect. You might be feeling the same way...

As you get older you might even find out that men and women were even married before they dated you. My father had been married for three years, then divorced, had a kid with another women, and had various other relationships before he dated my mother and had me. So you need to grasp the reality now that it happens. Once you do and begin to focus on that fact that she is with you now, all will fall into place. 

I do see your point of view though, it is hard to visit the reality that other guys have slept with your current interest. But it is in the past. If she is with you now, and has not given any reason not to trust her, just let it be and do not compare yourself.


----------



## Church2224

Ibanezsam4 said:


> unless you're a virgin this is a non-issue. she slept with two guys. not a huge deal, i mean two hardly makes her a town bike.
> 
> last girl i was with i'm pretty sure has had more partners than me. if its good sex and you like her and she's not cheating on you whats the big deal?
> 
> also if the sex is good because she's had practice i'd be uber happy. i wouldnt as good in the sack as i am if it weren't for having sex with other people
> 
> EDIT: also if she gives good head because she's done it before... WIN! seriously if she doesnt have an STD or cheat on me i wouldn't worry about sexual partners.



Even if you are a virgin just tell her, she might be able to teach you a few fun things along the way. If she also cares about you she will understand. If she laughs and belittles you, then you do not need some one like that in your life. 

Also, just two? Dude, you need to talk to some of the girls I have known in my day...


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Church2224 said:


> Even if you are a virgin just tell her, she might be able to teach you a few fun things along the way. If she also cares about you she will understand. If she laughs and belittles you, then you do not need some one like that in your life.
> 
> Also, just two? Dude, you need to talk to some of the girls I have known in my day...




once you go milf you tend not to care about who's been with whom.

its gotten to the point now where i actively seek women who have been in relationships that were sexually active before because i've done the whole V-card thing and its not that fun  

EDIT: but what somebody said above, i dont like talking about my sexual partners, and i think discussions about that with your significant other is just weird. it tends to be a convo had when you're younger, so when i have 20somethings who have just been through college asking how many people i slept with i just look at them and go "really?"


----------



## AndruwX

Well thank you guys, I feel better right now. I used to be a douche about the past, and I openly admit it. Like a week ago I talked to my ex about my current Gf, it made me feel pretty bad:

- So, how did she fell in love with you?
- We started talking, a lot, she confessed a lot of things to me, things that made her feel bad, also she admitted that talking to me made her feel good, and my company for her was precious.
- She trusted you from the beginning?
- Yes, and I never judged her for anything, and she was impressed by that, her exes were just a bunch of immature pricks hahaha
- Just like you...
- You know I'm sorry for all the shit I said to you
- I'm kinda jealous
- Why?
- Because if you treated me like you treat her now, we might be still together...

I went home and cried afterwards. 
Such is life.


----------



## RevelGTR

Mexi said:


> I disagree. why on earth would the number of sexual partners that someone has had precipitate feelings of being upset? Irrational, certainly, which is why people need to do away with this ridiculous thinking.
> 
> women are held to a ridiculous standard with regards to sex and are unfairly judged in any number of ways solely because they've had sex with _x _number of guys or sucked _x_ number of dicks. It is juvenile to maintain these outdated attitudes, so guys need to man up and accept the fact that women like sex as much as we do and will have as much of it as they want
> 
> I remember a few months ago when I hooked up with a girl, she asked me repeatedly during the act if I thought she was a slut, like she was convinced that how I labelled her would affect how she thought about her own actions. I think her preoccupation with being thought of as a slut was quite telling with the kinds of perceptions that young women have to put up with in their relationships with men.
> 
> Also, as ghostofperdition rightly pointed out to AndruwX, overthinking your girlfriend's sexual past is textbook male insecurity. get over that if you want to actually have positive, long-lasting relationships in the future


 I think you're misinterpreting what I'm saying. I said it was irrational and in the part of my post that you didn't quote I said that it's something guys just need to get over. All I was saying was that, even though it happened in the past, the idea of some other guy ....ing your girlfriend's brains out isn't going to make anyone happy.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

All I wanted to say is that I've found my perfect partner. My right hand. Always in the mood for anything and it even accepts working with my left hand. 

I'm just saying: there's always hope <3


----------



## GuitaristOfHell

Well after 11 months of what seemed okay my ex attacked me physically and the cops came. Well I'm single now, but always weird how it ends for me.


----------



## Don Vito

Sounds like the plot of your average deathcore song.


----------



## GuitaristOfHell

Don Vito said:


> Sounds like the plot of your average deathcore song.


  . Or acoustic song .


----------



## Adam Of Angels

So everything was normal, no signs of something like this being possible, and then she just attacked you after almost a year?


----------



## GuitaristOfHell

Adam Of Angels said:


> So everything was normal, no signs of something like this being possible, and then she just attacked you after almost a year?


 Define "normal"


----------



## Adam Of Angels

GuitaristOfHell said:


> Define "normal"




Not violent, potentially violent, no signs of abuse, etc.


----------



## GuitaristOfHell

Adam Of Angels said:


> Not violent, potentially violent, no signs of abuse, etc.


 That can be debateable. Check your PM.


----------



## tacotiklah

Get a tetanus shot, she may have been rabid.


----------



## synrgy

Sorry for your troubles, mang, but with what little information I have to go on, it sounds like it's for the best that you've chosen to end the relationship.


----------



## jbab

How bad of an attack are we talking about here? Has she shown signs of violence before?


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

ss-love-relationships-thread


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Ibanezsam4 said:


> once you go milf you tend not to care about who's been with whom.




Amen.


----------



## Robby the Robot

So from 0 to 60 after almost a year. Had to be more to end it like that. Either way I wish you the best of luck!!


----------



## -42-

No woman no cry bro.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

-42- said:


> No woman no cry bro.



No woman i cri evry tyme


----------



## tm20

Everyone's with their GF being happy, and I'm just sitting here listening to Slayer ._.


----------



## AndruwX

tm20 said:


> Everyone's with their GF being happy, and I'm just sitting here listening to Slayer ._.



My gf lives 2 hours away from me


----------



## kchay

^I don't have a gf!
Although, probably works out easier that I don't. Means I can fuel GAS habits.
And darn, I really need to get back on this thread.


----------



## abandonist

AndruwX said:


> I want to talk about something serious...
> Is anyone here bothered about the sexual past of your girlfriend? Knowing the fact that my girl sucked 2+ dicks that are not mine kind of disgust me. Of course, I'm not a virgin chaser, but I think it's something we can all talk about here.
> My ex had sex with 3 guys before and that started many many fights because of me and my lack of patience about that shit. I have been getting better (my current gf had only 2 sex partners and I don't give a .... seriously)
> 
> But iin my opinion is something that disturbs one's mind. What do you guys think?



It's not serious.

You're acting like a petulant child.

It's chauvinistic, slut-shaming, garbage that you need to get the hell over.


----------



## no_dice

AndruwX said:


> I want to talk about something serious...
> Is anyone here bothered about the sexual past of your girlfriend? Knowing the fact that my girl sucked 2+ dicks that are not mine kind of disgust me. Of course, I'm not a virgin chaser, but I think it's something we can all talk about here.
> My ex had sex with 3 guys before and that started many many fights because of me and my lack of patience about that shit. I have been getting better (my current gf had only 2 sex partners and I don't give a .... seriously)
> 
> But iin my opinion is something that disturbs one's mind. What do you guys think?



You're bummed about a girl that's been with 3 dudes before you? Jesus Christ, that's pretty pristine clean by today's standards. Wait until a girl tells you, "I haven't been with over 100 guys, but it's up there."

Has she ever hassled you about the ass you had before you were with her?

EDIT: I don't know if that necessarily counts as slut-shaming, so much as just overreacting to a very reasonable sexual past. That guy needs to stop focusing on that shit so much, because it's destructive to his emotions and his relationship. I'm pretty sure his girl isn't constantly agonizing over the thought of him banging other girls.


----------



## Señor Voorhees

If you can't get past somebody having past sexual partners, you shouldn't get together with someone who's had past sexual partners. And to be honest, you may be robbing yourself of great opportunities if you go that route.

Don't ever use the fact that somebody has had sex with other people in the past in an argument. Not ragging on anyone in particular, but that makes you the asshole if you use it. What she or you did in the past means nothing to your relationship and thus I figure it's silly to argue over in the first place..


----------



## soliloquy

well, for what its worth, i have more female friends than guy friends, so my opinion is more female oriented. the 'slut shamming' thing goes both both ways. on one end, the guy might feel inadequate as he might always be thinking if she had better, or whatever competition he might have (with himself or her ex's, which might be the case that AndruwX is experiencing). 

but on the other hand, my female friends are almost always talking about how the guy they are with isn't as amazing as their ___ ex. 

for heterosexual people (gay too, but slightly less...i think? ) there will always be someone wider, bigger, longer, tighter, kinkier, have high/low sex drive, can last longer/not so long etc....

if you keep your ex's in your mind, then you aren't moving on. if you keep your partners ex's in your mind, you cant enjoy life. 

i personally only have had one girl, and i was happy with it. you couldn't catch me thinking of what i might be missing out. but hey, to each their own. 

live and let live.






as for me...this year hasn't really been all that good for me in terms of sex. when i was with with my girl, we weren't really having a whole lot of sex. i hardly ever initiated it as i didn't ever want to push sex on her, especially if she isn't feeling it (granted, she never turned me down). but at the same time, she often complained that me not initiating sex often made her feel less wanted. i get that. but at the same time, she started placing more restrictions that it can only happen in such and such a location...kinda killed the mood often. regardless, we went months without sex. now that its been 3 weeks since we've broken up, i'm craving sex FAR more now than i was when i was with her. 

and what sucks more is that i have no idea if this is a 'break' or we have officially broken up. whenever we talk, i tell her to give me a definitive answer as i hate being in the grey ambiguous zone that doesn't make sense. but it seems that for now, i am stuck in the grey zone. so i cant seem to move on. but at the same time, i'm supposedly working on it to save whatever that can be saved in the relationship. but then apparently i'm not as its gone...

women...


----------



## Bekanor

My buddy's new girl is setting me up with one of her friends. She sent me a pic of her friend last night, my boner runneth over. Apparently she's keen to meet me too and I think we're double dating on Friday night. 

Unconventional charm don't fail me now.


----------



## will_shred

Bekanor said:


> My buddy's new girl is setting me up with one of her friends. She sent me a pic of her friend last night, my boner runneth over. Apparently she's keen to meet me too and I think we're double dating on Friday night.
> 
> Unconventional charm don't fail me now.



Lucky bastard, good luck out there


----------



## AndruwX

I want to give you an interesting piece of information.
I have a girlfriend but I invited this girl (8/10) to a date this Friday. Why? Because I'm a very "human" person, let me explain, I was never social back in high school and the friends I have right now, I love them as if they were my brothers. That's a fact, I love making friends, and this girl is such a nice girl.

...but that's it. I love my current GF, and I don't seem why I should cheat on her, she is for me, a complete girl, also she's not the kind of overly-attached-jealous girlfriend, so I can go out with whoever I want, 'cause she truss that I would never kiss or .... another girl. You don't love that? 
Yeah, you read that right, I'm dating a girl only to be his friend 'cause I see her as just that. Normally this is something that can be over-thought, but there's no other intentions.

I believe in Male-Female non-sexual relationships.


----------



## no_dice

...huh.

You can't bear the thought that your girlfriend has had sex before you, but she's a-okay with you going out on a "friend date" with another girl? Perhaps you should take some pointers from her on being secure in your relationship.


----------



## will_shred

Slightly OT but is it weird that I've never been able to maintain friendships with girls? I've probably had 5 girls whom I was very close with and not at all romantically involved with. A few of which whom I hung out with, and considered them to be super close friends. All of them at one point just pretty much stopped talking to me out of the blue. 

I can't maintain relationships with girls, even my current relationship with my girlfriend is in an awkward limbo right now because of my bad communication skills and natural dislike of monogamy. 

Just had to get that off my chest.


----------



## AndruwX

no_dice said:


> ...huh.
> 
> You can't bear the thought that your girlfriend has had sex before you, but she's a-okay with you going out on a "friend date" with another girl? Perhaps you should take some pointers from her on being secure in your relationship.



That used to be a problem, not anymore, I was talking about my ex, I changed my way to see the "virginity" thing a long time ago. We have a lot of trust put on the other one, so I don't worry about the cheating thing, neither does she. 
We are fine, don't worry.


----------



## AndruwX

will_shred said:


> Slightly OT but is it weird that I've never been able to maintain friendships with girls? I've probably had 5 girls whom I was very close with and not at all romantically involved with. A few of which whom I hung out with, and considered them to be super close friends. All of them at one point just pretty much stopped talking to me out of the blue.
> 
> I can't maintain relationships with girls, even my current relationship with my girlfriend is in an awkward limbo right now because of my bad communication skills and natural dislike of monogamy.
> 
> Just had to get that off my chest.



Do what I do, be their gay friend without the gay part.
Girls love talk with men about shit they can talk with other girls, I think even more since we men talk less crap thabout people than girls, or at least, my female-best friend says that.


----------



## no_dice

AndruwX said:


> That used to be a problem, not anymore, I was talking about my ex, I changed my way to see the "virginity" thing a long time ago. We have a lot of trust put on the other one, so I don't worry about the cheating thing, neither does she.
> We are fine, don't worry.



Glad you've gotten over that.  It's good that you have a solid trust between you and your girl.


----------



## Bekanor

will_shred said:


> Lucky bastard, good luck out there



Thanks mang, I'm just hoping she doesn't realise how out of my league she is. 


I know that's a faux pas in this thread, but she is attractive in the "I nearly crashed into the car in front of me while gawking at that girl on the sidewalk" way, where I'm more attractive in the..."he's not disfigured in any way and doesn't have problems with addictions or violence" kind of way.


----------



## The Reverend

Who's been changing the tags from this thread? They used to be about how sexy JohnIce is. What the f--k. 

I'm 25 now. Furthermore, in the years after high school and before I finally got in college, everyone I know in the suburbs of North Houston f--ked each other. You kinda get over it or stay single. I've dated my friend's exes, they've dated mine, etc. Plus at this age, I've had so many partners that it would be wildly hypocritical of me to judge a girl for her past partners. As long as we're in realistic numbers I won't be shocked or critical.


----------



## will_shred

AndruwX said:


> Do what I do, be their gay friend without the gay part.
> Girls love talk with men about shit they can talk with other girls, I think even more since we men talk less crap thabout people than girls, or at least, my female-best friend says that.



I've got no interest in any of that shit. When I get together with my friends we usually discuss politics, economics, philosophy of politics, music, beer, ect... Hate so sound so cliche but, I mean, that's just what happens. That's just what we do. I can't hear two sentences out of my girlfriends mouth about how her day was without drifting off into my own little world.


Then again maybe i'm just an asshole.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Lol


----------



## texshred777

AndruwX said:


> Do what I do, be their gay friend without the gay part.
> Girls love talk with men about shit they can talk with other girls, I think even more since we men talk less crap thabout people than girls, or at least, my female-best friend says that.


 
So in other words, just be their friend.

Fascinating.


----------



## DanakinSkywalker

texshred777 said:


> So in other words, just be their friend.
> 
> Fascinating.


----------



## texshred777

No such thing. Assuming of course you're actually their friend, and not just playing the part because A: Too chicken shit to put it out there that you're interested in more, or B: Have been rejected, but hang around hoping your day will come.


----------



## AndruwX

texshred777 said:


> No such thing. Assuming of course you're actually their friend, and not just playing the part because A: Too chicken shit to put it out there that you're interested in more, or B: Have been rejected, but hang around hoping your day will come.



In my opinion, is not THAT HARD to be a girl's male friend.
I was never romantically interested in my female best friend, so I wasn't rejected, she is my FRIEND. Girls can also talk about sport, sex, philosophy, life, economics, politics, etc. They are human beings too, you know... 
Maybe will_shred just needs to pick better girls, I don't know.

Also, I am a man that doesn't believe in friendzone. Friendzone is an excuse for a relationship between a girl and a guy, where someone was rejected and there's little to no communication because of that frustration, I don't even know why is called FRIENDZONE when they don't even end being friends, in most of the cases.

In my opinion, of course.


----------



## RevelGTR

Am I missing something? When was being a girl's friend ever difficult?


----------



## RevelGTR

will_shred said:


> I've got no interest in any of that shit. When I get together with my friends we usually discuss politics, economics, philosophy of politics, music, beer, ect... Hate so sound so cliche but, I mean, that's just what happens. That's just what we do. I can't hear two sentences out of my girlfriends mouth about how her day was without drifting off into my own little world.
> 
> 
> Then again maybe i'm just an asshole.


Either your girlfriend is incredibly boring or you're incredibly selfish.


----------



## tacotiklah

Had some more fun with my ladyfriend tonight. 
Scary movies are always a great way to seal the deal.


----------



## Winspear

will_shred said:


> I've got no interest in any of that shit. When I get together with my friends we usually discuss politics, economics, philosophy of politics, music, beer, ect... Hate so sound so cliche but, I mean, that's just what happens. That's just what we do. I can't hear two sentences out of my girlfriends mouth about how her day was without drifting off into my own little world.
> 
> 
> Then again maybe i'm just an asshole.



Why are you with her?


----------



## tacotiklah

EtherealEntity said:


> Why are you with her?



 I don't understand that either. Generally you get with people that you are a match with and have similar interests. Not exactly the same interests, but similar.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Bekanor said:


> Thanks mang, I'm just hoping she doesn't realise how out of my league she is.
> 
> 
> I know that's a faux pas in this thread, but she is attractive in the "I nearly crashed into the car in front of me while gawking at that girl on the sidewalk" way, where I'm more attractive in the..."he's not disfigured in any way and doesn't have problems with addictions or violence" kind of way.



dude, we guys are a lot more critical of our looks than we credit ourselves for. our definitions of attractiveness are completely different than a lady's definitions for us. she at the very least finds you physically attractive or else you wouldn't be in this situation.


----------



## Konfyouzd

soliloquy said:


> if you keep your ex's in your mind, then you aren't moving on. if you keep your partners ex's in your mind, you cant enjoy life.



Spot on... 

Just as you can't judge culture A by the standards of culture B, you can't base your expectations of person A off what you have come to expect from person B. 

You really just end up hurting yourself...


----------



## Konfyouzd

will_shred said:


> Slightly OT but is it weird that I've never been able to maintain friendships with girls? I've probably had 5 girls whom I was very close with and not at all romantically involved with. A few of which whom I hung out with, and considered them to be super close friends. All of them at one point just pretty much stopped talking to me out of the blue.
> 
> I can't maintain relationships with girls, even my current relationship with my girlfriend is in an awkward limbo right now because of my bad communication skills and natural dislike of monogamy.
> 
> Just had to get that off my chest.


I have a similar problem. There are very few women I actually feel like I can really be friends with and I'm not really sure why that is... Maybe I'm autistic...


----------



## Konfyouzd

WSchaferJR said:


> Am I missing something? When was being a girl's friend ever difficult?



New development... Obama passed a law that will make it more difficult in March of next year...


----------



## will_shred

WSchaferJR said:


> Either your girlfriend is incredibly boring or you're incredibly selfish.



a little bit of both really. I certainly have never claimed to be a saint. I am who I am.

[Serious] Seriously though, her and I have always gotten along really well. I don't think shared interests are really that important, if I spent my time waiting for a chick who shares my sick sense of humor, who loves metal, guitar, craft beer and ganja, and who on top of that has a killer body and personality, I will literally be waiting for the rest of my life. 

My girlfriend has the personality part, and the body part, and she loves me for who I am. So really, as much shit as I give, i'm grateful to have her. 

[/End-seriousness.] 

Plus, shes the only girl I've ever met who hasn't actively started drama out of boredom. I've not had many positive experiences with women... The last time I met a new girl, she stole my bong and sold it for, go figure, alcohol money.


----------



## Konfyouzd

That last part is probably why you have trouble being friends with chicks. Seems like you meet a Lotta jackasses.


----------



## kchay

AndruwX said:


> In my opinion, is not THAT HARD to be a girl's male friend.
> I was never romantically interested in my female best friend, so I wasn't rejected, she is my FRIEND. Girls can also talk about sport, sex, philosophy, life, economics, politics, etc. They are human beings too, you know...
> Maybe will_shred just needs to pick better girls, I don't know.
> 
> Also, I am a man that doesn't believe in friendzone. Friendzone is an excuse for a relationship between a girl and a guy, where someone was rejected and there's little to no communication because of that frustration, I don't even know why is called FRIENDZONE when they don't even end being friends, in most of the cases.
> 
> In my opinion, of course.



I've never seen how the friendzone is such a horrible thing.


----------



## icos211

I have been crushing hard on my RA since the day I moved in. It is seriously like she just went down the list and checked off every single thing I look for in a woman. Classy, empathetic, respectable, intelligent, humorous, great taste in music, outgoing, constant positive attitude, almost as hopelessly romantic as myself, eyes that literally stun you in place, freckles, sense of style, brunette, the list seriously goes on. The one thing that she missed that I look for in a woman? Being single.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^ 

Well considering she has everything in your checklist means she was probably on someone else's too...


----------



## Konfyouzd

*removed double post*


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Konfyouzd said:


> *removed double post*



That's nonsense, it's still here!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Ya got me...


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Konfyouzd said:


> Ya got me...



Don't think you can fool me


----------



## AndruwX

I ....ING HATE MYSELF GODDAMMIT
I just came from the date with the other girl and she was kind of mad to me because I didn't tell her I had a girlfriend, and what I did was "weird"
....ing hell..


----------



## flint757

You didn't let anyone know.  Dude...you're asking for trouble. The pretense when you go out with a girl is that it is a date most of the time.Why did you leave that little detail out?


----------



## Mexi

yeah that's KIND of a big deal for girls, you know.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Sorry dude, but that's too perfect after your previous posts.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I took a break for a while and I decided to start up the online dating thing again... 

More comedy to come, folks... 

And wait... Go on date with girl... Have girlfriend... Girl finds out you have girlfriend... Girl gets mad... You're surprised? 

I can count on one hand the number of women that take me seriously and even *I* know that... Then again, if I actually had a gf I'd see no reason to date other women...


----------



## AndruwX

It was supossed to be a friend's date...
Dammit, I'm starting to think SSO members kinda hate me.
Well, I think I deserve it.


----------



## abandonist

AndruwX said:


> I ....ING HATE MYSELF GODDAMMIT
> I just came from the date with the other girl and she was kind of mad to me because I didn't tell her I had a girlfriend, and what I did was "weird"
> ....ing hell..



You are bad at dating.


----------



## AndruwX

abandonist said:


> You are bad at dating.



I'm bad at life in general
Why do you think I'm here right now?


----------



## tacotiklah

AndruwX said:


> It was supossed to be a friend's date...
> Dammit, I'm starting to think SSO members kinda hate me.
> Well, I think I deserve it.



I can't speak for everyone, but I certainly don't hate you. Abandonist just reminds me of that grouchy person you find in almost every circle. He may have a valid point or two, but that's usually displaced by his terrible demeanor, so pay no mind to him.

The truth is you have some things in dating that you have to work on. Guess what? So do I and most everyone else here. It happens. It's not like dating comes with a field manual, and in the case of women, a field manual would be so enormous that it would become impractical.

In your specific case, you just gotta lighten up and stop being so insecure. Once you figure out how to do that, relationship will be way more fruitful for you.


----------



## will_shred

> stop being so insecure.




Quite possibly the #1 dating tip of all time. Or life tip for that matter.

Not being insecure gives you a million less things to worry about. 

If you spend less time worrying about what people think of you, you will spend more time enjoying the people's company and then they will probably enjoy your company more as well.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Helps when you don't go on dates with other women just to orove how secure you and your girlfriend are in your relationship.


----------



## AndruwX

You guys are right... sigh.
Well at least I learned my lesson.








And I'm gonna get laid this week 
Sometimes life doesn't suck.


----------



## DanakinSkywalker

AndruwX said:


> You guys are right... sigh.
> Well at least I learned my lesson.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> And I'm gonna get laid this week
> Sometimes life doesn't suck.



Your posts crack me up so hard dude.


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## AndruwX

Changing the topic a little bit, I come with this question.
Would you try having a homosexual experience, being heterosexual, just to know how does it feels?

I wouldn't, seriously. Just thinking about ....ing another guy disgust me.


----------



## will_shred

OK so has anyone ever had to deal with girls who have ....ing crazy families?


I've been with my girlfriend for, well since 9th grade. I've always genuinely hated her family, my tolerance for them is growing thinner and thinner. 

Her mom: In the words of someone who worked under her is "The most selfish women I have ever met". She is a cold, narcissistic, egotistical, old German women. Narcissistic doesn't even scratch the surface. She does not feel love for her family, to her, her family is only worth the amount of work they will put out for her. She treats my girlfriend more as a servant who she happened to raise rather than a daughter. Shows very little feelings for her husband or her other daughter. 

Her Dad: Much like her mom, extremely self centered accept instead of cold, he is _extremely_ emotional. He is quick to anger, usually just cares about buying the latest electronics, and claims to be a Buddhist even though he's a gigantic asshole who would probably make Buddha roll over in his grave. On top of that, he's 60 and is about as mature as a 12 year old girl. his sense of humor is annoying, but that's not the worst part. He also handles his emotions in the same way an average 12 year old girl would. I'm pretty sure he used to beat the little sister, and quite possibly my girlfriend as well. 

The Sister: Quite possibly the worst of them all. She's 16 years old, and I think she might actually be a sociopath. Like her dad, she's extremely lazy and self centered. She is never wrong, anything she says is always right %100 of the time even if it's just something completely subjective. She gets her kicks from making people extremely angry to the point of violence. Common things she'll do is, say if your making some food she'll say "that smells disgusting! stop doing that" Well, it's not her food, so it's not like it matters. But because she thinks said food is gross, that MUST mean that I am going to hate it. This is one example, and probably one of the least bad. 

Oh yeah, and every one of them somehow expects my 18 year old girlfriend who's now a freshmen in college in nursing school to solve all their problems. Her mom wants to be waited on hand and foot, and her dad and sister somehow expect her to be a god damn family therapist for when those two morons get into a pissing match (happens QUITE often)

To top it off, each one of them are ....ing drama queens. They LOVE to just create problems where none existed, oh and did I mention the families net income is nearly $1,000,000 per year? Not $100,000, _One Million._ Yeah... So they have literally nothing to worry about in their lives so they just find shit to bitch about because they're bored. 

Being with those psychopaths is not healthy for her. I'm still pretty concerned about what being raised in that house has done to her (Extreme fear of people would be one to start), she sometimes says these really, really grim things like "That cop who gave me a ticket? I would like to cover him is gasoline and watch him suffer as he slowly burns to death" just like... normal every day stuff. That worries me quite a bit. Among other things.... Plus the stress from all of it is causing her to lose a lot of sleep, her hair is falling out, she's super, super insecure, and more. 

Her mom is also trying hard to keep her under her wing, she's offered us an apartment to rent that she owns (not even at a discounted rate!). I'm trying to talk her out of it, because it's a bad deal and I don't trust her mom for one second. Besides the obvious conflict of interest, I don't trust her to not use the fact that she's our landlord to try to manipulate us/her into doing shit for her. 

*TL;DR: My girlfriends family is bat shit crazy and it's taken it's tole on her* 

SSO, i'm putting this here because I feel like this place is my safe haven on the internet and you guys are ....ing awesome. I do not know what to do. I guess I just needed to get that off my chest.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Shit, man I feel for you I had a GF who's cousins were batshit crazy drama queens, the relationship did not last long (2 weeks). But then again I'm still in high school and your in college so, your relationship is a more serious.But my teenage advice would be if you really love this girl, you'll put up with the hell her family is. Good luck bro


----------



## will_shred

joshuavsoapkid said:


> Shit, man I feel for you I had a GF who's cousins were batshit crazy drama queens, the relationship did not last long (2 weeks). But then again I'm still in high school and your in college so, your relationship is a more serious.But my teenage advice would be if you really love this girl, you'll put up with the hell her family is. Good luck bro



I think my point flew miles above your head.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

You mind elaborating on that point?


----------



## will_shred

joshuavsoapkid said:


> You mind elaborating on that point?



I'm not trying to be a dick or anything, but you dated someone for 2 weeks who had dramatic cousins, so what? Annoying extended family is on a totally different level from mentally unstable nuclear family... 

That's like someone telling you about how they got into a car wreak and saying "yeah dude, I got a paper cut once so I kind of know how you feel"

I know you're just trying to be nice, so i'm not mad about it or anything. You just totally missed my point.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

I get that the situation is makes you want to just say F**K it and be done, but the point I was trying to make is if you love her stay if you don't end it(that may be easier said than done). And yeah my teenage relationship problems are a miniscule in comparison to yours, I did mention that in my first post.


----------



## icos211

Will_Shred, I would suggest sitting your girlfriend down very seriously, then explaining lengthily, slowly, and consistently that you are very concerned for her. Y'all have been together so long that she has to understand that you want the best for her. Your objective needs to be to get her the .... out of contact range with them. Seriously, they need to be a Christmas card only family. Do not, under any circumstances move into that apartment. At the soonest possible instance, I would suggest making all the effort in the world to transfer to a college out of state(and I mean like to the west coast or the south or something, not just to like NJ or CT, where it's still easy to get to from NY.) Out of state scholarships that bring down the cost to an in-state level are really common. I know University of New Mexico gave my ex an enormous scholarship that cut her payments down to 5,000/ semester tuition (half of many other universities that size) despite her being out of state and basically not doing anything worthwhile in high school.

Don't take no for an answer and don't let up. Keep hammering on it (in a kind, empathetic way), and make sure that she knows you are doing it with the best of intentions. Neither of you need to be any where near that family. That's what I would do, at least.


----------



## AndruwX

Will shred, give that old woman the D.
Bitches loves the D


Now, being serious, I had a GF with problematic family, not as much as you, but you see, there's only two things you can do:

1- Finish your relationship, your girl is starting to show that she's unstable, and HOLY ....ING SHIT, mentally unstable girlfriends are just problems in the future. And not only that, let's say you marry her, her family is going to be hell on earth with you, even if you are not close to them. Seriously, think about it, you are before her, you need stability.

2- Spend with her more time and see if she shows that she loves you so much that she would left her family to live a peaceful, new live with you in other state. If not, go to step 1.

I'm sorry man, but troublesome families and crazy GF are not a good mix, maybe you love her and you're doing everything to maintain you relationship, but sometimes...it just doesn't work.


----------



## will_shred

thanks for the words of advice guys. I really don't think shes inherently crazy, shes probably the most mentally stable female I've ever met, and she is actually one of the kindest, most loving, most selfless people I've ever met. (I guess that says something about my experiences with women ) I just think she needs some therapy, and to get out of that damn house! I'm trying very hard to get her away from them, but her mom is also trying very hard to make sure that she stays broke. Her mom pays her something like $10/per hour to clean the house up and do chores (Because why hire a maid who could possibly ask for benefits or better pay when you can abuse the love of your child?). However she pays her own car insurance, all repair costs, and for the large part her own food. 

Trying to pull someone away from their family isn't exactly the easiest thing in the world. She sees them with rose colored lenses (naturally). Again, another reason why I feel like she may have seen a good deal of daddy's rage while growing up is because the first thing I learned in intro to psych is that abused kids will almost always try very hard to make their parents proud (far more so than normal people), and before I met her she would do pretty much anything for them without even thinking, and would beat herself up over the slightest mistake. Lately shes been standing up for herself more, and that makes me kind of proud. However we're not even close to out of the woods.


Oh, here's something that happened just yesterday. Her and I were just hanging out, and she got a text from her sister telling her to call her dad and tell him to leave the house. Why? This one was started by the sister. Apparently she opened up a jar of some expensive food thing, when there was already one open. The dad asked her to use the one that was already open first, so the sisters next logical reaction was to yell at him and hold a knife to his throat. SO because dumb and dumber don't know the meaning of chill the .... out, they wanted her to drive home and play the mediator. 

Like I said, mother. ....ing. Psychopaths.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

my ex's family was ....ed up... not physically like your case.... but there was lots of verbal abuse from the mother who is a goddamned b*tch... 

basically she would play nice to me constantly (im really intelligent, hardworking and have partially put myself through school).. she never did anything after highschool (....ing babyboomer economy) so she didnt understand why her daughter and i were putting marriage or moving i together until we finished school (there was soooo much preasure for us to get engaged prematurely because that was the only measure of success for women in her family). 

anyhow i resist most of the pressure to control our future together, eventually all the mom does is badmouth me to her daughter constantly saying im going to take her away and not let her visit (we both wanted to be out of state because RI is a dead end). she on more than one occasion said she her daughter to have a baby so she could retire (at age 50... lazy b*tch) and raise our kid while we worked???? 

at that point i really started putting my foot down and saying that we weren't doing anything serious for a few years. next thing i know she is telling her daughter to have me instigate an argument with my mother (who was bed ridden and a few months shy of dying at the time) so i could go traveling or do some BS vacation with her daughter's friends (i was taking care of my mom at the time) this crossed the line and i very angrily told my ex that i i wish it was her mom who couldnt leave her bed because at least my mom wouldnt have wasted her life like hers did.. kind of didnt get better after that... a few months later her mom hit her in an angry fit... i almost called the cops and almost left work to beat the shit out of her... my ex still try making everything right with her mom.. next thing you know my ex starts being emotionally and physically abusive towards me.. the mother daughter cycle became complete and we ended it... 

i used to love impressing families and being close with them as a gesture to say "hey your daughter is safe with me"... but now i find it a positive thing if the family has zero involvement cuz that was the biggest load of BS i ever had to deal with


----------



## will_shred

> next thing you know my ex starts being emotionally and physically abusive towards me.. the mother daughter cycle became complete and we ended it...




that last part is a little worrisome, not to say that story in it's entirety isn't a totally shitty situation. However the last part I feel might just pertain to myself. So, did she just start doing it out of the blue?


----------



## Ibanezsam4

will_shred said:


> that last part is a little worrisome, not to say that story in it's entirety isn't a totally shitty situation. However the last part I feel might just pertain to myself. So, did she just start doing it out of the blue?



what started happening is that she was picking me apart fro really petty shit.. like stuff you should never be angry about. i thought it was just stress and didnt think much of it until she started getting really personal with her barbs during arguments. eventually i started fighting back and it escalated until one day she started screaming at me saying she hated me, i tried holding her hand and she smacked me with an open palm. i told to not hit me again and it took her about 30 minutes to realize she had done that. we didn't last much more than 2 weeks after that. 

there were a lot of other problems we had, she admitted when we broke up that most of them were hers and how she was raised to avoid change, but she was also raised by a mother who thought violence and rampant unprovoked aggression were appropriate means of expressing distaste. 

my advice, and it sucks but its how i feel, if she is making efforts to maintain her toxic relationship with her family, and looks to emulating their behavior with no real desire to move on, you might be deal with a powder keg situation. if you have that talk with her about moving away, or not taking her mom's apartment, and she resists citing the blood is thicker than water argument; you are fighting against a strong current that is probably not worth it. 

thats a worst case scenario but its an honest one you should be prepared with. i knew it was up for me and my ex when we had an argument and after she insulted me my first thought was "if i leave now i will never see her mother again."

don' think of it as a choice between her and her family; its a choice between her and your sanity.. that last part is harder to replace than a gf


----------



## will_shred

Ibanezsam4 said:


> what started happening is that she was picking me apart fro really petty shit.. like stuff you should never be angry about. i thought it was just stress and didnt think much of it until she started getting really personal with her barbs during arguments. eventually i started fighting back and it escalated until one day she started screaming at me saying she hated me, i tried holding her hand and she smacked me with an open palm. i told to not hit me again and it took her about 30 minutes to realize she had done that. we didn't last much more than 2 weeks after that.
> 
> there were a lot of other problems we had, she admitted when we broke up that most of them were hers and how she was raised to avoid change, but she was also raised by a mother who thought violence and rampant unprovoked aggression were appropriate means of expressing distaste.
> 
> my advice, and it sucks but its how i feel, if she is making efforts to maintain her toxic relationship with her family, and looks to emulating their behavior with no real desire to move on, you might be deal with a powder keg situation. if you have that talk with her about moving away, or not taking her mom's apartment, and she resists citing the blood is thicker than water argument; you are fighting against a strong current that is probably not worth it.
> 
> thats a worst case scenario but its an honest one you should be prepared with. i knew it was up for me and my ex when we had an argument and after she insulted me my first thought was "if i leave now i will never see her mother again."
> 
> don' think of it as a choice between her and her family; its a choice between her and your sanity.. that last part is harder to replace than a gf




I'm pretty sure she wants to get out of there as well, but it's not like you can just easily talk someone into abandoning their family. It's their family, and they're humans. It's just how things work. She certainly doesn't emulate her parents, and we certainly don't fight so there's that.


----------



## Bekanor

Just as a general comment, I feel the importance of family bonds is directly proportional to the level of positive/negative influence they bring to your life. If all your family does is .... up your life, then they don't deserve to be a part of it. Maintaining an obligation to be a part of a toxic situation simply because you share genetic material with the proponents is just silliness.


----------



## will_shred

Bekanor said:


> Just as a general comment, I feel the importance of family bonds is directly proportional to the level of positive/negative influence they bring to your life. If all your family does is .... up your life, then they don't deserve to be a part of it. Maintaining an obligation to be a part of a toxic situation simply because you share genetic material with the proponents is just silliness.



Hey man, you're preaching to the choir here. The blood is thicker than water notion is total bullshit.


----------



## tacotiklah

AndruwX said:


> Changing the topic a little bit, I come with this question.
> Would you try having a homosexual experience, being heterosexual, just to know how does it feels?
> 
> I wouldn't, seriously. Just thinking about ....ing another guy disgust me.



Not to be argumentative or pedantic, but usually when a person brings that topic up, but then says it disgusts them, I kinda become suspect of their claims of revulsion.

This is coming from a girl that's in a fwb thing with another girl and spent much of her life detesting homosexuality.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

will_shred said:


> Hey man, you're preaching to the choir here. The blood is thicker than water notion is total bullshit.



you're honestly the best judge of your situation so take whatever is asaid here with a grain of salt. 

that being said i hate the "blood is thicker than water" thing because people who use it are misrepresenting what that adage really means.... 

you see, the complete saying is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." which loosely translated means: the bond of soldiers in battle is stronger than the bond of family. 

so whichever misguided asshat perverted this beautiful phrase deserves to have their grave exhumed and their bones salted and burned


----------



## will_shred

Ibanezsam4 said:


> you're honestly the best judge of your situation so take whatever is asaid here with a grain of salt.
> 
> that being said i hate the "blood is thicker than water" thing because people who use it are misrepresenting what that adage really means....
> 
> you see, the complete saying is "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." which loosely translated means: the bond of soldiers in battle is stronger than the bond of family.
> 
> so whichever misguided asshat perverted this beautiful phrase deserves to have their grave exhumed and their bones salted and burned



I don't think I can like this post enough, so here's some pos rep. 

I actually didn't know that, I always assumed it was just something people say to justify not leaving unhealthy family relationships. Where's the quote from?


----------



## Ibanezsam4

will_shred said:


> I don't think I can like this post enough, so here's some pos rep.
> 
> I actually didn't know that, I always assumed it was just something people say to justify not leaving unhealthy family relationships. Where's the quote from?



it goes back to a time when bonds or agreements were made by sacrificing an animal, from there it was the shared blood sacrifice of soldiers, to the current usage coined by John Lygates in 1492


----------



## icos211

You know what is thicker than blood? Semen.

I don't feel like that was a total derailment of the thread.


----------



## will_shred

icos211 said:


> You know what is thicker than blood? Semen.
> 
> I don't feel like that was a total derailment of the thread.



Precisely, which is why she should stick with me and not her crazy ass family


----------



## Konfyouzd

No


----------



## icos211

will_shred said:


> Precisely, which is why she should stick with me and not her crazy ass family



At least one person got the joke.


----------



## will_shred

icos211 said:


> At least one person got the joke.


 

I thought it was funny


----------



## spadz93

been a while since i updated here, so ill summarize my more recent events.

with help from a friend, i came to realize going for my ex again was a bad idea, so i basically dropped that like an atom bomb. waited a while, kinda just went with life, and eventually saw some girl following me on twitter/instagram and continuously liking (or whatever term) my posts on each sites. so, i did the same, saw she was cute, added her on facebook and started talking. turns out she was local and had mutual friends so i met up with her, hung out with her a bunch this last weekend, and cuddled, nothing serious, but obviously there's feelings there. 

now, here's my twist. ive had this recurring crush on this girl that lives literally a few houses down from me, and i've been very good friends with her for a while, and its almost the talk of the town that we should date (exaggeration, you get my point). for the longest time she wouldn't give it a shot. however, i have an inside friend feeding me info about her. of course, now that i'm moving forward, she seems to want to give it a shot. i hung out with this girl more recently along with others, and when it came up that i was seeing someone else, her whole demeanor changed. her mood just dropped and it was evident she was bothered. she never said anything to me though, i heard that it she was in fact bothered by it from my insider. of course she wont say anything to me because what girl would ever be straight forward about their feelings? basically, im left with a heads/tails decision here, the girl next door, or a fresh start? i have a foot and a hand in the door with the new girl, but it seems like just a foot in the door for neighbor girl. i'm leaning towards the new girl


----------



## AndruwX

Guys, I have a serious question.
If a girl who dated you says 
«You know, I don't hate you nor I am mad, but knowing that you have a girlfriend makes me awkward talking to you...»
Does that means she likes you?


----------



## Bekanor

spadz93 said:


> been a while since i updated here, so ill summarize my more recent events.
> 
> with help from a friend, i came to realize going for my ex again was a bad idea, so i basically dropped that like an atom bomb. waited a while, kinda just went with life, and eventually saw some girl following me on twitter/instagram and continuously liking (or whatever term) my posts on each sites. so, i did the same, saw she was cute, added her on facebook and started talking. turns out she was local and had mutual friends so i met up with her, hung out with her a bunch this last weekend, and cuddled, nothing serious, but obviously there's feelings there.
> 
> now, here's my twist. ive had this recurring crush on this girl that lives literally a few houses down from me, and i've been very good friends with her for a while, and its almost the talk of the town that we should date (exaggeration, you get my point). for the longest time she wouldn't give it a shot. however, i have an inside friend feeding me info about her. of course, now that i'm moving forward, she seems to want to give it a shot. i hung out with this girl more recently along with others, and when it came up that i was seeing someone else, her whole demeanor changed. her mood just dropped and it was evident she was bothered. she never said anything to me though, i heard that it she was in fact bothered by it from my insider. of course she wont say anything to me because what girl would ever be straight forward about their feelings? basically, im left with a heads/tails decision here, the girl next door, or a fresh start? i have a foot and a hand in the door with the new girl, but it seems like just a foot in the door for neighbor girl. i'm leaning towards the new girl



New girl. You said yourself that the girl next door would never give you a shot. 

Indecisiveness gets you left behind. More people need to learn that lesson.


----------



## Koloss85

^man speaks the truth


----------



## spadz93

Bekanor said:


> New girl. You said yourself that the girl next door would never give you a shot.
> 
> Indecisiveness gets you left behind. More people need to learn that lesson.





Koloss85 said:


> ^man speaks the truth



appreciate the input. i was thinking the same. if new girl doesnt work out and neighbor girl wants to work something out, then fine, but until then, she missed her chance


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Bekanor said:


> New girl. You said yourself that the girl next door would never give you a shot.
> 
> Indecisiveness gets you left behind. More people need to learn that lesson.



Don't mess with an indecisive female.I know from prior experience.There was a reason you weren't a priority...


----------



## Obsidian Soul

AndruwX said:


> Guys, I have a serious question.
> If a girl who dated you says
> «You know, I don't hate you nor I am mad, but knowing that you have a girlfriend makes me awkward talking to you...»
> Does that means she likes you?



From my experience,you can never be too sure,but it sounds like she felt deceived.She thought you two were dating...until she found out you had a girlfriend.Now she doesn't know if you were trying to cheat on your girlfriend with her or if the date was actually supposed to be more friendly in nature.Either way,I don't think she intended either of the two.I could be wrong though.That's why I'm here lol...


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## Daeniel

Well, strange to write about this in a guitar forum but...  I'd like to share my experience with fellow guitar playes.

I just moved to Germany\Bavaria a few months ago, I am still learning the language here - but nonetheless I enjoy the company of local, especially when it comes down to "biergarten", alcohol and nice-looking girls. One of my colleagues is also the best friend of my apartment-mate: she was very friendly and was almost one of the few that was ok with talking in English. And oh, big boobs 
Anyway, when I just arrived I still had a girl in Italy - nothing serious - so nothing happened. After a while I started to like her more and more, but I try to stick to the "Do not f..k in the company" rule. That is, until last week: after a crazy party she invited me to her place, and then... BANG. 

Pros: I think I'll never touch boobs that big again. 
Cons: apparently it was just a one-night thing. Pity, since I'm kind of into her right now 

Looks like it'll take a while to get a "serious" girl here. Guess I'm just too exotic for them to resist


----------



## Konfyouzd

Might be havin' a drink with a chick I used to talk to around the beginning of this year. She said "she'll let me know" so my hopes aren't up too high, but she may surprise me...


----------



## Koloss85

^That's a no homie. But don't sweat it. Life's too short to concern yourself with "maybe" dates. Focus on real ones. On to the next!


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Hmm... The one I like now is actually having a boyfriend now. Mostly when I know someone has a boyfriend I just shake it off. But in this case it keeps eating me. I really like her. She was having problems with her boyfriend, so that gave me a little hope. But now it's all okay between them and I really don't like it. But the communication between me and her is going so smoothly, we can talk about everything, we have a lot of things in common, and she actually tries to laugh at my stupid jokes. But it keeps eating me that I want her but I can't have her.

That may be a kind of messy text, but I needed to vent for a moment, thanks for reading!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Koloss85 said:


> ^That's a no homie. But don't sweat it. Life's too short to concern yourself with "maybe" dates. Focus on real ones. On to the next!



Yea I'm old enough and know her well enough to know what I'm dealing w... 

She's just an option like anyone else until they reveal themselves to be more. I do too well on my own to be heavily concerned w it to the point of letting it ruin my day if a woman finds what she seeks in another.


----------



## Bekanor

Obsidian Soul said:


> Don't mess with an indecisive female.I know from prior experience.There was a reason you weren't a priority...



Damn straight, if you're not worth a straight answer to her, she's not worth wasting your time on. There's no shortage of great boobs to plop your face between.


----------



## spadz93

new girl's being flakey out of nowhere. she posted something earlier about mixed feelings. why am i getting the feeling im not the only guy in the picture here


----------



## will_shred

Bekanor said:


> Damn straight, if you're not worth a straight answer to her, she's not worth wasting your time on. There's no shortage of great boobs to plop your face between.



wiser words have never been typed


----------



## oracles

Anyone know what you're meant to do with yourself when your fiancee leaves you?


----------



## RevelGTR

Buy all 6 seasons of the Soprano's and bury your feelings in 80+ hours of mob violence?


----------



## DanakinSkywalker

oracles said:


> Anyone know what you're meant to do with yourself when your fiancee leaves you?



Dude. That blows hard.


----------



## oracles

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't totally heartbroken. I love that girl. I thought everything was going perfectly, but I suppose not.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

I've been sleeping over at my ex's place and going on dates with new girls.

It makes me feel like a terrible person for some reason. I guess I'm still not 100% over my ex. Hence the sleepovers.


----------



## Koloss85

leftyguitarjoe said:


> I've been sleeping over at my ex's place and going on dates with new girls.
> 
> It makes me feel like a terrible person for some reason. I guess I'm still not 100% over my ex. Hence the sleepovers.



But you might be sabotaging a good thing with one of these new girls by having the ex lingering. Might be a fun time but itll be alot harder to get over her if you dont make a point to put distance between her. But i think you're on the right track of moving on with new chicks. Keep at it. just gotta leave the ex in the rearview ya know?


----------



## abandonist

oracles said:


> Anyone know what you're meant to do with yourself when your fiancee leaves you?



Depends on the circumstances. How'd this go down?


----------



## oracles

abandonist said:


> Depends on the circumstances. How'd this go down?



We've been together for 4 years, not a single issue in our relationship. I moved to Canada for work a year ago, and she was fully supportive of it, but couldn't leave her schooling to come with me, so we took the long distance approach. All was fine, we skyped daily, I've been home to see her as often as possible, and she's come here, we were due to be married this time next year, fulfilling her dream disney wedding fantasy. She called me last night and just said it's over, no explanation, nothing.


----------



## abandonist

Distance. It's really that simple.


----------



## BlackMastodon

^Basically. Distance and time. Sorry to hear it, man.


----------



## tripguitar

gf of 3+ years gets upset when i make plans (that dont include her) without asking her first. is she crazy or am i?

like this morning i made plans to play guitar with a buddy of mine after work. she asked if i could hang and i said, sorry baby but i made plans with [friend] to play guitar, can we hang tomorrow? (keep in mind she spent the evening at my house last night)

she gets mad that i play guitar? that i made plans without asking her if it was ok first? that i have some interests and hobbies that she's not a part of? i just dont get it...


----------



## Mexi

bitches be trippin

but no seriously, any reasonable woman needs to understand that a guy needs to have a life outside the relationship (hell, she should too) and any anger on her part is just equal parts frustration/jealousy/insecurity that you made plans without he. I'd say talk to her about it, put it out there that you need your space and she needs hers. If you don't make it about YOU and more about the health of the relationship, she'll be far more understanding.

if not...bitches be trippin


----------



## BlackMastodon

Mexi said:


> bitches be trippin
> 
> but no seriously, any reasonable woman needs to understand that a guy needs to have a life outside the relationship (hell, she should too) and any anger on her part is just equal parts frustration/jealousy/insecurity that you made plans without he. I'd say talk to her about it, put it out there that you need your space and she needs hers. If you don't make it about YOU and more about the health of the relationship, she'll be far more understanding.
> 
> if not...bitches be trippin


These. Both of these. Those 2 mother f**kers right there. I try to drill that into anyone's head that needs relationship advice. I know way too many couples that have to be attached at the hip at all times and I can't understand it.


----------



## tacotiklah

Spent all day with my girl today. Watched movies, cuddled, and made out a few times. 
I like how things are going.


----------



## Asrial

Both me and my GF are going to be in different parts of the country, both getting completely wasted with a lot of people from our respective professions.

I'm a little bit nervous, since she's a physicist, so the guy to girl ratio is far from 1:1, and I know there's some creepers within the attendants. I know she loves me to death, I'm just hoping the other attendants aren't desperate. I've already had to break up a few uncomfortable situations last time there was this kind of happening, even when they knew the girl was taken.


----------



## will_shred

tripguitar said:


> gf of 3+ years gets upset when i make plans (that dont include her) without asking her first. is she crazy or am i?
> 
> like this morning i made plans to play guitar with a buddy of mine after work. she asked if i could hang and i said, sorry baby but i made plans with [friend] to play guitar, can we hang tomorrow? (keep in mind she spent the evening at my house last night)
> 
> she gets mad that i play guitar? that i made plans without asking her if it was ok first? that i have some interests and hobbies that she's not a part of? i just dont get it...


 

She's crazy. My girlfriend respects my space, and I think partly that's why shes great. She needs to keep her own life, and you need to keep yours. If she says sweet things like "your my everything!" you'd best hope shes not being literal.


----------



## Koloss85

^ But he must not really love if he doesn't spend every waking second with her!!!!


----------



## tripguitar

will_shred said:


> She's crazy. My girlfriend respects my space, and I think partly that's why shes great. She needs to keep her own life, and you need to keep yours. If she says sweet things like "your my everything!" you'd best hope shes not being literal.


 
she has said that....



> ^ But he must not really love if he doesn't spend every waking second with her!!!!


 
ugh...


----------



## Ibanezsam4

tripguitar said:


> she has said that....



the girl is defining herself via your relationship. she seems like she doesn't have a lot going on herself, so you are her avenue to hang out and do stuff... been there and done that.. not a whole lot of fun.


----------



## Koloss85

I kid cuz i've been there. It sounds like you know she's being unrealistic and unreasonable. You'll have to have a sit down and let her know how its gonna be. Its only healthy to have lives outside each other. Talk and go from there. But be assertive. You're a man and don't have to run it by her for permission to do anything. That's right I said it.


----------



## AndruwX

My girlfriend will start to come to my house to spend the night
I'm so ....ing happy right now, I love my girl.

In other news, I just discovered my sister is...a lesbian. I'm kind of worried about her, both my dad and my mom are going to be mad, specially my mom, since she's a Jehova's Witnesses, is her OBLIGATION to negate her daughter.
.... religion, man.


----------



## DanakinSkywalker

AndruwX said:


> My girlfriend will start to come to my house to spend the night
> I'm so ....ing happy right now, I love my girl.
> 
> In other news, I just discovered my sister is...a lesbian. I'm kind of worried about her, both my dad and my mom are going to be mad, specially my mom, since she's a Jehova's Witnesses, is her OBLIGATION to negate her daughter.
> .... religion, man.



You've got an interesting life, dude.


----------



## AndruwX

DanakinSkywalker said:


> You've got an interesting life, dude.



I have funny life. All my friends love me because they laugh at all the shit that happens to me! Today I asked a friend if she could leave me at some mall to get money out of a ATM. When I put my card inside the ATM tells me "Invalidated card" and my friend had left, and I had no money with me.

I had to wait 1 hour for a friend to give me a ride home, and I was in a very lonely, dark place... Hilarious.


----------



## will_shred

Not sure if this counts as love or relationships, however last night was the ....ing craziest halloween party I could have imagined. My friend set up a legit haunted house, and had some of the best rock bands in Rochester playing in his basement (Veracult, Chica and the Wolves, Pony Hand, and the Janitors.) 

After the night wound down, I came SO close to hooking up with one of the actresses. However I didn't because well... the whole not being single thing. However it feels good to know that my girlfriend isn't the only person on the face of the planet who finds me attractive, and that should anything happen with us I still actually have the social skills to talk to girls.  .......Still would've been nice to get some head though


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

So, when you guys get lonely, what do you do? Is there anything you do to distract yourself?


----------



## will_shred

YJGB said:


> So, when you guys get lonely, what do you do? Is there anything you do to distract yourself?



You mean besides fap?


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

I mean besides pleasuring yourself. Feeling legitimately kinda lonely here, so I'd love a kinda serious answer actually. I think I'm gonna snap soon, so I thought I'd ask here since there are a lot of people in this thread who have experience with this.


----------



## icos211

YJGB said:


> I mean besides pleasuring yourself. Feeling legitimately kinda lonely here, so I'd love a kinda serious answer actually. I think I'm gonna snap soon, so I thought I'd ask here since there are a lot of people in this thread who have experience with this.



I play the guitar, The Witcher, The Sims, go on this site, or I go out and hang out with some friends (because I actually have some now, it's weird) who also don't have women in their lives. I used to escape by writing short stories with other people online, but the places that I went for that have been flooded with Twilight fan-girls who don't know the first things about character development, plot movement, or creative writing style. Creative outlets such as writing, music, or art can be really good ways to get out of your own head, just try not to infuse them too much with the loneliness or personal experience.


----------



## flint757

Hang out with friends, go outside, workout, go to a park, join something social. The key is out in public and preferably with other people. You'd be surprised how much sunlight can easily lighten your mood. If you're looking for just distraction then reading, tv and video games work alright for me too.


----------



## will_shred

I actually wish I had a serious answer to that question. I usually just toke with my friends... however nothing really do to when friends aren't an option.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

icos211 said:


> I play the guitar, The Witcher, The Sims, go on this site, or I go out and hang out with some friends (because I actually have some now, it's weird) who also don't have women in their lives. I used to escape by writing short stories with other people online, but the places that I went for that have been flooded with Twilight fan-girls who don't know the first things about character development, plot movement, or creative writing style. Creative outlets such as writing, music, or art can be really good ways to get out of your own head, just try not to infuse them too much with the loneliness or personal experience.



I write a lot of things, and I can only write texts when I feel bad. Probably because that gets the emotional juices flowing. Which sounds horribly wrong.



flint757 said:


> Hang out with friends, go outside, workout, go to a park, join something social. The key is out in public and preferably with other people. You'd be surprised how much sunlight can easily lighten your mood. If you're looking for just distraction then reading, tv and video games work alright for me too.



Well, people my age are mostly in school. And it's kinda strange when I hang out every day of the week at one person's. But I'm doing just about everything I can.



will_shred said:


> I actually wish I had a serious answer to that question. I usually just toke with my friends... however nothing really do to when friends aren't an option.



Well, friends aren't an option unfortunately. But thanks anyway  I think I might take a very long walk this evening, just walking and thinking about things. Maybe it'll help!


----------



## Eladamri

YJGB said:


> Well, friends aren't an option unfortunately. But thanks anyway  I think I might take a very long walk this evening, just walking and thinking about things. Maybe it'll help!



Walking is a great idea. I find getting away from people can help me when I'm lonely, perversely.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Eladamri said:


> Walking is a great idea. I find getting away from people can help me when I'm lonely, perversely.



The only thing that keeps me inside is the stormwarning  Very metal, but I don't want to get blown away.


----------



## Bekanor

Girl at work that I had a thing with last year got engaged over the weekend and I was sitting at home playing Planetside 2. War is hell.


----------



## AndruwX

I think I want to bang my female best friend.
And it looks like it's mutual.

Damn.


----------



## MFB

AndruwX said:


> I think I want to bang my female best friend.
> And it looks like it's mutual.
> 
> Damn.



Gee, this wouldn't happen to be the same one you just happened to not mention you had a girlfriend to while on a date with, now was it?


----------



## -42-

AndruwX said:


> I think I want to bang my female best friend.
> And it looks like it's mutual.
> 
> Damn.



I can't tell if you're some sort of socially awkward sex god or if the women you hang out with are just thirsty.


----------



## no_dice

I'm starting to think that guy just makes shit up to participate in this thread.


----------



## JustMac

I thought this thread was going to be about making hot sweet love to Solid State amps


----------



## Eladamri

JustMac said:


> I thought this thread was going to be about making hot sweet love to Solid State amps



I prefer tube. Warmer.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Eladamri said:


> I prefer tube. Warmer.


And the voltages add a nice edge...


----------



## texshred777

-42- said:


> I can't tell if you're some sort of socially awkward sex god or if the women you hang out with are just thirsty.


 

I think that's the vibe he's been trying to give off.

Not the thirsty bit.


----------



## AndruwX

Okay guys, hold on, don't judge me. 
I'm not a lier neither a awkward sex god. And no, she's my best female friend not the girl I dated. I have been knowing her for about 4 years, and every time we hang out I get some vibes from her, I don't know I can't read her mind, only her physical language. 

And obviously it's a no no, she may be my best friend, but is there something I'm not, is a cheater.


----------



## BlackMastodon

AndruwX said:


> And obviously it's a no no, she may be my best friend, but is there something I'm not, is a cheater.


Well at least you're getting that right.  Every time I see you post in this thread I feel like I should be eating popcorn and waiting for the next update.


----------



## Matthew

will_shred said:


> *TL;DR: My girlfriends family is bat shit crazy and it's taken it's tole on her*



Are you me? I just ended a relationship where my girlfriend's parents were completely mental. They would lock her in her room and tell her she was worthless. Her mom was always throwing religion at her and making her see therapists and such; basically trying to fix a problem she had started herself. I eventually had to leave because her depression was threatening to pull me back in when I've just manage to turn my life into something positive.

Hopefully you can find a better solution than I did. PM me if you want to chat.


----------



## icos211

Alright, so barring this chick suddenly having a boyfriend like the last couple that I have had my eyes on, I think this plan is bulletproof:

In passing, while talking to this girl, I made a Princess Bride reference (she offered me a bag of peanuts, so obviously "Anybody want a Peanut" came out), to which she responded that she had never seen it. Now that is inconceivable in and of itself, but gave me an idea. I went out and bought the movie today, and plan to, when the local florists open tomorrow, buy a small bouquet. Then I will leave both on her doorstep with a note that says "If you would like someone to watch it with," and my phone number. The movie is right up her alley in terms of humor, so I know that she should enjoy it, and I have to believe that watching the Princess Bride with a girl really should be a deal sealer, should it not? Not looking to get lucky or anything, just looking to get a chance at a relationship. If it doesn't work, I don't know what I'll do. I'll probably have to go buy another copy to cheer me up.


----------



## icos211

Never had a double post before... weird.


----------



## Bekanor

Those sorts of moves are super high risk, fingers crossed for you bud.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

^Agreed, good on you for taking the chance though mate, id never have the balls to


----------



## icos211

Kiwimetal101 said:


> ^Agreed, good on you for taking the chance though mate, id never have the balls to



That's kind of why I'm just leaving them on the door step. I gotta do something, but I would .... myself if I tried to lay something out in person. Plus chicks like random flowers. I was thinking of not leaving my phone number with it, because that would probably be more special to a girl to just get a random, anonymous present, but I think making it known that it was me would obviously make it easier to get me in. Plus I don't want someone stealing credit.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

The risk is the attractive part! Dude that's brilliant if you think this girl is comfortable and interested. It is risky, but you stand nothing to lose and any girl with half a girlboner for you would dig that kind if ballsy display. Do it and report back, I may steal this depending on the data.


----------



## oracles

It's certainly a bold move, but I'll be damned if I don't admire your confidence and respect you for it. Good luck mate, let us know how it goes.


----------



## Necris

AndruwX said:


> ... she may be my best friend, but is there something I'm not, is a cheater.






AndruwX said:


> I ....ING HATE MYSELF GODDAMMIT
> I just came from the date with the other girl and she was kind of mad to me because I didn't tell her I had a girlfriend, and what I did was "weird"
> ....ing hell..


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Guys.... I met someone!! She is a musician, really smart and witty, funny, and cute as hell. We met up at a bar and talked for 3 hours last night and date #2 is happening this weekend. I got a good feeling about this one. Needless to say I can't wipe this stupid shit eating grin off my face. She listens to Diablo Swing Orchestra and Sigur Ros. It's blowing my mind.


----------



## AndruwX

Necris said:


>



There's something I forgot to tell you...
My best friend knows I have a girlfriend, she even knows her. So, awkward, isn't it?


----------



## AndruwX

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Guys.... I met someone!! She is a musician, really smart and witty, funny, and cute as hell. We met up at a bar and talked for 3 hours last night and date #2 is happening this weekend. I got a good feeling about this one. Needless to say I can't wipe this stupid shit eating grin off my face. She listens to Diablo Swing Orchestra and Sigur Ros. It's blowing my mind.



If a girl listen to Sigur Rus, date her, I mean, seriously.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

AndruwX said:


> If a girl listen to Sigur Rus, date her, I mean, seriously.



Forget dating her. I'm gonna f*cking marry her


----------



## Obsidian Soul

leftyguitarjoe said:


> I can't wipe this stupid shit eating grin off my face.


----------



## icos211

Chick I gave the movie/flowers to said:


> Haha it was very sweet! You remembered that I haven't seen it, I barely remembered that. Lol, of course we can watch it together but I don't want to be anything more than friends. They're beautiful flowers!



I'm really not even sure what I'm doing anymore.


----------



## Bekanor

icos211 said:


> I'm really not even sure what I'm doing anymore.



You took a shot and it didn't pan out. You know where you stand now and you can aim elsewhere. 

It sucks when that happens man and as shitty as you feel, you deserve props for ballsing up and going for it in the first place. Don't lose that moxy.


----------



## soliloquy

This strange phenomenon called 'break' is stupid beyond the comprehension of the evil monkey...

Seriously, wtf does 'a break' even me?! Are we together? No! Are we broken up? No! Are we talking? No! Are we seeing other people? No! What is this going to achieve?!

So my gf of 6 years dumped me, then 3 weeks later decided to call it a 'break'. Now we are back to dating without the commitment. .... you! As much as i love her and how happy she makes ne, im never good enough for her. She has issues with my family, so i suggest i move out. She has issues with me moving out. She has issues with me not communicating enough. But when i do, she hates it. Maybe i was the dumb one to not see it till now...a) it isnt me shes looking for; b) the issue isnt me, but her.

She is my best friend and with her i want to be a better man. But it doesnt matter who/what i am, its never enough for her...

Now...back to this 'break' business...if i go on a date with another girl, will it be cheating? Me asking is a red flag of it being considered cheating i think...but maybe not...?

...women...


----------



## anthonyferguson

soliloquy said:


> This strange phenomenon called 'break' is stupid beyond the comprehension of the evil monkey...
> 
> Seriously, wtf does 'a break' even me?! Are we together? No! Are we broken up? No! Are we talking? No! Are we seeing other people? No! What is this going to achieve?!
> 
> So my gf of 6 years dumped me, then 3 weeks later decided to call it a 'break'. Now we are back to dating without the commitment. .... you! As much as i love her and how happy she makes ne, im never good enough for her. She has issues with my family, so i suggest i move out. She has issues with me moving out. She has issues with me not communicating enough. But when i do, she hates it. Maybe i was the dumb one to not see it till now...a) it isnt me shes looking for; b) the issue isnt me, but her.
> 
> She is my best friend and with her i want to be a better man. But it doesnt matter who/what i am, its never enough for her...
> 
> Now...back to this 'break' business...if i go on a date with another girl, will it be cheating? Me asking is a red flag of it being considered cheating i think...but maybe not...?
> 
> ...women...





I dunno man... Don't forget you have rights to your own life. She doesn't dictate what you can and can't do, and if it isn't working there's not much either of you can do to stop that. Prolonging the situation certainly won't, and if moving out is what's going to help both of you move on (and maybe get back together) then that's probably for the best. Breaks are total bullshit and an excuse just to hold on to something for a little while longer, and as far as I'm concerned it sounds like she can't make her mind up and it's just a recipe for bitterness further down the line. It takes two to tango!! If it's not on for you then it's not on at all.


----------



## Leveebreaks

Breaks are bad, just ask Ross from Friends. You only get one life dude, do you really want to waste another 6 years trying to fix things that maybe can't ever be fixed or be someone you're not for the benefit of someone else?
In answer to your question about the date...yeah it's technically cheating, for me at least. The fact that you even thought about it should tell you everything you need to know imo.


----------



## soliloquy

What irritates me the most about the ordeal is that ive done so much for her and im always there for her. However, this is the second time she up and left when shit/drama hit the fan. A part of me is having a real tough time trusting her to not leave again. Even though i rather nothing else but to get back together.

Youre right, it does take two to tango. Im willing to make it work and learn the steps....but only if she wants the same. Atm, i have no clue what she wants as shes just as lost. But rather than figuring it out together, she thinks she rather do it alone...but shesnot doing that either :s


----------



## Leveebreaks

soliloquy said:


> What irritates me the most about the ordeal is that ive done so much for her and im always there for her. However, this is the second time she up and left when shit/drama hit the fan. A part of me is having a real tough time trusting her to not leave again. Even though i rather nothing else but to get back together.
> 
> Youre right, it does take two to tango. Im willing to make it work and learn the steps....but only if she wants the same. Atm, i have no clue what she wants as shes just as lost. But rather than figuring it out together, she thinks she rather do it alone...but shesnot doing that either :s


 
Oh man I feel your pain I really do. Take this advice with the biggest pinch of salt ever but it honestly sounds like whatever you are doing to keep it all together is for her benefit and hers alone. You can't go from breaking up to being on a break ( none of which appears to be your decision ) and come out of it unscathed. I know she makes you happy but life is short, a lot of people out there may make you even happier, and from the way she acts I can't see how this could end well for you.

I totally hope I am wrong though - it's happened plenty of times before


----------



## Obsidian Soul

soliloquy said:


> What irritates me the most about the ordeal is that ive done so much for her and im always there for her. However, this is the second time she up and left when shit/drama hit the fan. A part of me is having a real tough time trusting her to not leave again. Even though i rather nothing else but to get back together.
> 
> Youre right, it does take two to tango. Im willing to make it work and learn the steps....but only if she wants the same. Atm, i have no clue what she wants as shes just as lost. But rather than figuring it out together, she thinks she rather do it alone...but shesnot doing that either :s



After six years,she does not feel comfortable seeking resolution with you or telling you that you two should end the relationship?It's time to move on,man.She has you on the sideline.You're her towel after she's done something dirty.Tell her you're out,and don't look back.Ain't nobody got time fo dat!


----------



## Mexi

yeah seriously, games like that should not be played when two people have been together for as long as you two were. tell her to hit the bricks and move on to greener pastures


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Update: She came over muh crib today and we spent a few hours cuddling up in my bed alternating between making out and discussing philosophy and European history.

Guys, this is my ....ing dream girl.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Update: She came over muh crib today and we spent a few hours cuddling up in my bed alternating between making out and discussing philosophy and European history.
> 
> Guys, this is my ....ing dream girl.


Congratulations!


----------



## kchay

soliloquy said:


> This strange phenomenon called 'break' is stupid beyond the comprehension of the evil monkey...
> 
> Seriously, wtf does 'a break' even me?! Are we together? No! Are we broken up? No! Are we talking? No! Are we seeing other people? No! What is this going to achieve?!
> 
> So my gf of 6 years dumped me, then 3 weeks later decided to call it a 'break'. Now we are back to dating without the commitment. .... you! As much as i love her and how happy she makes ne, im never good enough for her. She has issues with my family, so i suggest i move out. She has issues with me moving out. She has issues with me not communicating enough. But when i do, she hates it. Maybe i was the dumb one to not see it till now...a) it isnt me shes looking for; b) the issue isnt me, but her.
> 
> She is my best friend and with her i want to be a better man. But it doesnt matter who/what i am, its never enough for her...
> 
> Now...back to this 'break' business...if i go on a date with another girl, will it be cheating? Me asking is a red flag of it being considered cheating i think...but maybe not...?
> 
> ...women...



Mate, definitely BREAK THAT OFF. And define what you would call a "friendship" and what is more than that. Because at the moment, you're just playing a game. 
I'd break it off, then date.
To me, any prior attachment to another girl is still cheating, but it's all up to you I guess.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Soliloquy--it sounds insensitive but leave that alone. It sounds like that relationship ran its course. It takes two.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Another update because this thread could use more good things: 

She has never seen Clerks 2, so I was obligated to show her that so she'd understand all my Anne Frank references. We kept trying to make out during the movie but the hilarity kept making us laugh. It was really fun!

I played guitar for her for the first time. I chose to do my Mestis cover. She loved it! 

We havent slept together yet but thats good. We both have a vested interest in each other beyond that of a physical relationship. Not to say it wont get physical soon 

P.S. my Mestis cover for shits and giggles.


----------



## icos211

So here's how much my life sucks: I went back to my home town this weekend because there is a lady here paying me to do some guitar work. Last night, a friend of mine from high school(who I was always very inexplicably attracted to) and I went out to dinner. She gets there and she is looking GOOD. We have an awesome dinner and laugh it up for about an hour and a half, before she *invites herself back to my house*, saying "I really want to watch a movie, but I don't want to go to the theatre. Remedy that." So I take her home and put on Kill Bill. It all seems like it could be going pretty damn well. Too well, apparently because at that moment my body decides it's allergic reaction time. My nose starts pouring snot and my eye gets really irritated, swelling up and streaming. I took some allergy meds, but they didn't even kick in until an hour after she left. The universe really hates me.


----------



## AndruwX

icos211 said:


> The universe really hates me.



There, there. I feel you bro.
I feel the same sometimes, like that time I payed a room with my first girlfriend and I was gonna lose y virginity and, guess what?
My buddy down there fell asleep. It never worked, it was dead. It was such a shame, and one of the reason why that girl stopped loving me.

*sigh* ...dicks...


----------



## DanakinSkywalker




----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Another update the love life of Joe

Last night we did shots of vodka and we banged. And it was good. All three times.

We talked and have mutually decided that we are no longer single. Feels good man.


----------



## AndruwX

I know you guys love me...



leftyguitarjoe said:


> Another update the love life of Joe
> 
> Last night we did shots of vodka and we banged. And it was good. All three times.
> 
> We talked and have mutually decided that we are no longer single. Feels good man.



Wait, you banged before being a couple?
Wow wow wow, now that's _f_ucked up... I'm kidding
Congrats.


----------



## kchay

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Another update the love life of Joe
> 
> Last night we did shots of vodka and we banged. And it was good. All three times.
> 
> We talked and have mutually decided that we are no longer single. Feels good man.



1) nice Mestis cover
2) NOICE


----------



## Konfyouzd

My band is beginning to act more like a band... Winning...


----------



## Obsidian Soul

leftyguitarjoe...sh!tting on everyone's misfortune.I am very envious...


----------



## Obsidian Soul

DanakinSkywalker said:


>


 leftyguitarjoe...sh!tting on everyone's misfortune...I am very envious...


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Obsidian Soul said:


> leftyguitarjoe...sh!tting on everyone's misfortune.I am very envious...



I'm attempting to plant a seed of hope for my brethren here.

If I, a guy who didnt do so much as touch a girl before I was 21 can do it, any of you can. 23 now for reference.


----------



## Konfyouzd

There's a super cute chick on my bus that I kept hoping would sit at least close. It's always awkward (for me at least) to just get up and walk across the whole thing just to say hello to someone I don't know but maybe I coud just be making more of an effort than I do... 

At any rate... I've started dressing nicer and I've noticed that sexier women sit next to me on the bus... Interesting... Still not the point... The cute one I wanted to sit next to me finally did and has been pretty regularly when I see her on there...

Her breath is TERRIBLE... 

Like every time she sits next to me on the bus, if we both fall asleep I wake up every time she yawns... It's like THAT...


----------



## glassmoon0fo

That's like a joke from an anime or something. Funny shit man


----------



## AndruwX

Konfyouzd said:


> There's a super cute chick on my bus that I kept hoping would sit at least close. It's always awkward (for me at least) to just get up and walk across the whole thing just to say hello to someone I don't know but maybe I coud just be making more of an effort than I do...
> 
> At any rate... I've started dressing nicer and I've noticed that sexier women sit next to me on the bus... Interesting... Still not the point... The cute one I wanted to sit next to me finally did and has been pretty regularly when I see her on there...
> 
> Her breath is TERRIBLE...
> 
> Like every time she sits next to me on the bus, if we both fall asleep I wake up every time she yawns... It's like THAT...



Do what I did once.
I was at university and there's this black girl that has a PRETTY BAD BREATH, but everyone was too shy to just tell her. Since I'm kind of a sociopath I did something funny.
I have a mint spray... so when I was at the university I walked until I found her and her group of friends, she started talking and it started to smell. Then I did this:

>Hey, Maria, can you please open your mouth?
<Wow, why?
>Just do it
<*Opens*
>*I spray the .... out of her mouth with some delicious mint*
<OMG what is that?!
>Just mint spray, your breath sucks.

And thanks to that, I don't have friends anymore.


----------



## icos211

AndruwX said:


> Do what I did once.
> 
> (Crazyness)
> 
> And thanks to that, I don't have friends anymore.



Um, probably don't do what he did once...


----------



## TheDuatAwaits

Debated posting this. I'm probably delusional and have nothing to worry about.

My girlfriend told me that she faked it a few weeks ago in bed. She kinda broke me. The past 2 times/after that I asked her if we were gonna do something she had said no. What should I do?


----------



## Fiction

Last night Fiction Jr did not stand tall for the first time in my entire life, I felt like I was in that scene from Forgetting Sarah Marshall 

I wasn't that bummed about it, although she got weird about it in the usual crazy female fashion, seemed to think she was the reason, when I'm sure it was the 3 jugs + countless cups of goon I consumed.


----------



## Fiction

Also what ever happened to loxodrome and why has he re-incarnated as AndruwX


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^ What's the deal with that guy?


----------



## flint757

levijaymz said:


> Debated posting this. I'm probably delusional and have nothing to worry about.
> 
> My girlfriend told me that she faked it a few weeks ago in bed. She kinda broke me. The past 2 times/after that I asked her if we were gonna do something she had said no. What should I do?



Mix it up. Toys, different positions, oral sex, whatever. If what your doing isn't working all it means is that you need to approach the problem from a different angle. Don't take it as a hit on your self esteem/pride. It happens. In fact I'm sure loads of women fake it at least sometimes and maybe all the time. Something to consider for both of you is that it isn't necessarily your fault too. Sometimes they end up doing it to themselves if their minds are elsewhere or they're stressed/depressed (or drunk). Main point is it isn't that big of a deal and it is a problem with a remedy. You just have to explore and find the solution.

Wouldn't hurt asking her what she likes either. A positive to take from it is she cares enough about you to fake it so you wouldn't feel bad. Telling you kind of negates that, but maybe it was so y'all could work towards a solution. Can't fix something you don't know is broken kind of thing.


----------



## abandonist

AndruwX said:


> Since I'm kind of a sociopath



You're not, and you don't understand the term.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Fiction said:


> Also what ever happened to loxodrome and why has he re-incarnated as AndruwX



I was just about to ask the same thing man, did he get baned or what??


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Fiction said:


> Also what ever happened to loxodrome and why has he re-incarnated as AndruwX



nah man... Lox didnt have his best friend trying to get with him


----------



## BlackMastodon

He's like if Loxodrome and idontpersonally fused into one person.


----------



## Mexi

levijaymz said:


> Debated posting this. I'm probably delusional and have nothing to worry about.
> 
> My girlfriend told me that she faked it a few weeks ago in bed. She kinda broke me. The past 2 times/after that I asked her if we were gonna do something she had said no. What should I do?



don't make it about you, for one thing. lots of women struggle with achieving orgasm and not surprisingly; there is a lot more going on (psychologically) for women and sex. Oftentimes, women really need to "lose themselves" in the moment for those great orgasms to happen, and there is a plethora of factors that go into play in all that which could make your head spin so again, don't think too much about it.

flint is pretty right on switching up what goes on in the bedroom to keep things interesting. On the other hand, guys tend to read too much into women faking orgasms, especially when it seems to come cool so easily for us.

Help her feel as comfortable and sexy as possible and it might help her find her zone that lets her run wild with it. Honestly, the fact that she fakes it (usually) means she cares enough about you to make you feel good about your performance even when she doesn't always get off. If it's something that is going to be an issue for you, then you need to have an honest conversation with her to address her concerns with it.


----------



## piggins411

BlackMastodon said:


> He's like if Loxodrome and idontpersonally fused into one person.




Oh my God. He's right


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Mexi said:


> don't make it about you, for one thing. lots of women struggle with achieving orgasm and not surprisingly; there is a lot more going on (psychologically) for women and sex. Oftentimes, women really need to "lose themselves" in the moment for those great orgasms to happen, and there is a plethora of factors that go into play in all that which could make your head spin so again, don't think too much about it.
> 
> flint is pretty right on switching up what goes on in the bedroom to keep things interesting. On the other hand, guys tend to read too much into women faking orgasms, especially when it seems to come cool so easily for us.
> 
> Help her feel as comfortable and sexy as possible and it might help her find her zone that lets her run wild with it. Honestly, the fact that she fakes it (usually) means she cares enough about you to make you feel good about your performance even when she doesn't always get off. If it's something that is going to be an issue for you, then you need to have an honest conversation with her to address her concerns with it.



+1 to all of this.... also lick the kitty good.... real good... you'll be making her bust alllll kindssss of ovaries man


----------



## vilk

I know maybe this should be in the relationships thread, sorry. 

I've been with my girlfriend for over 2 years, I've known her for over 3. She's 27 and I am 23. I really like her, but someday (probably in like 6 months to 1 year) I'm going to be moving back to America and I can't take her with me... and I don't want to anyways. She's looking for someone to marry, and I'm not. 

We live together (over 1 year), but I have been secretly searching for places to live for the past few months, and I might have gotten a place figured out and I would be moving in mid-December. I can't bring myself to tell her that I want to move out, because then my life (and hers I'd imagine) would be a living hell until I'm out of there. 

I'm not intending to break up with her when I move out, I'm just going to tell her I need more space and we can continue dating... but I have a feeling that's not how it's going to end up. You see, I have this terrible thing about me for as long as I can remember where I can't end a relationship... even when I want to. I've even dated girls for up to a year secretly wanting to be single but I just care too much about their feelings to tell them, which of course I realize doesn't make perfect sense, but I guess I'm just kind of a wuss. Man... Part of me has been wanting to break up with the girl I'm with now for as long. If it were meant to be, I wouldn't feel that way, right? 

It's hard, because I do actually like her and she is an awesome girlfriend and fun to be with, but I can't keep leading her on because I know (she has told me) that she's dating me with marriage in mind. I've even foolishly acted like it could be an option in the future though I know in my heart that it's not. I depend on her in a lot of ways, but I don't want to live like that. One other way of thinking might be that me dumping her because she's older and needs to get on with her life doesn't show respect for her decision to be with me... is it right to live in a way that I believe to be counterproductive to her life goals just because I make her happy? There's more than one reason for me to end it, but the largest reason to me is that I constantly feel guilty for wasting this girl's time. 

To the point:
How should I go about this? Anybody ever had to tell a girlfriend that he's moving out? Should I just break up with her when I move out, or should I try to keep dating her after I move out? When should I tell her I'm moving (rent is not an issue--her rich parents pay for our (her) apartment.)? This has been haunting me since I began hunting for apartments, and of course I'm constantly battling myself in my mind about whether I should even move out, but the fact alone that I've pursued it this far means that it must be what I really want to/ should do. 

Any advice at all?


----------



## Pezshreds

I'm the same dude. Never been able to end it either. Hell I stayed with a girl after she was fully flirting with 2 of my best friends (I'd be suprised if they didn't have sex, she said they didn't though, and by flirting, I mean they were talking about ....ing each other and hooking up etc etc etc not just "hey cutie") because I'm such a pussy (I think it was more my feelings too as I wanted it to work, what a dumbass I was haha).

I asked a girl I was seeing to move her stuff out of my room (She actually lived at my house) and in to her own room because I wasn't happy with how things were progressing. That basically ended everything between us (we weren't dating, so I wouldn't count it as ending a relationship). Point is I was unhappy how quick shit went, and I was constantly unhappy about the situation, and when I actually got the back bone to do it, I felt sooooooooooooooo much better. Yes it was awkward for a while while she was still living there, but it was for the greater good.

On marriage, I was in the same boat with the girl who basically cheated on me. I have no interest in marriage (Unless it's for financial purpose) or having kids, and she was always crapping on about it. We dated for 5 years, and I just always ignored it haha, but I knew that wasn't really a deal breaker for us, and I didn't feel as if I was leading her on. Maybe just try talk to her about marriage? I mean it's important to some people, but others feel as though they have to as that's how society displays it.

Hopefully you can try talk to her about, I find it so bloody difficult to bring up sensative issues, even now with my current girlfriend.

All the best 

SSBRO.ORG


----------



## Thrashmanzac

be honest and talk to her about it.


----------



## vilk

Well, see, if I move back to America in 6mo/1year/ever, they aren't going to let her live there unless we're married. So, I guess the issue is that I would either have to get married in a year or break up, so why not just break up now so that it isn't a total shitfest when it's time for me to go home someday. I'm not going to do long distance across the Pacific ocean (which I have done in the past, so I know for sure that it's not worth it to me)



Thrashmanzac said:


> be honest and talk to her about it.



Even now, a whole month before I go? I was thinking about bringing it up like maybe a week before or so... It might turn into her telling me to gtfo and I am homeless for a month or getting my guitars thrown out the window or something crazy, you know?

One time I did talk to her about it and it turned into me packing my suitcase and looking at airport tickets in less after less than 3 hours of discussion... That's why I was kind of thinking of waiting until I already have a place to stay before dropping the bomb...


----------



## Pezshreds

baron samedi said:


> One time I did talk to her about it and it turned into me packing my suitcase and looking at airport tickets in less after less than 3 hours of discussion... That's why I was kind of thinking of waiting until I already have a place to stay before dropping the bomb...


 
Dude if that's the case, get your guitars and amps out of that house before you bring it up!


----------



## DoomJazz

Do what you need to do in order to wake up the next morning and continue life normally. More importantly, make sure she has the same accommodations. This is sans emotions, but you understand what I mean. I checked what you wrote again and you say that rent isn't a problem, so that's fine. Otherwise, that's all I got.  

Edit: This is one of those life situations where you have to expect it to go worse than you think it will. It's not going to go well, and if it does, pack that win up with the rest of your things, but it's a rare event. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.


----------



## Thrashmanzac

baron samedi said:


> Even now, a whole month before I go? I was thinking about bringing it up like maybe a week before or so... It might turn into her telling me to gtfo and I am homeless for a month or getting my guitars thrown out the window or something crazy, you know?
> 
> One time I did talk to her about it and it turned into me packing my suitcase and looking at airport tickets in less after less than 3 hours of discussion... That's why I was kind of thinking of waiting until I already have a place to stay before dropping the bomb...



It's up to you man, Just seems like a pretty shitty way to break up with someone you've known for three years. I have always found being honest makes breakups a lot cleaner for both party's.
In saying that it is completely your choice, i'm just offering up an idea


----------



## vilk

Thrashmanzac said:


> It's up to you man, Just seems like a pretty shitty way to break up with someone you've known for three years. I have always found being honest makes breakups a lot cleaner for both party's.
> In saying that it is completely your choice, i'm just offering up an idea



No, I know that you're right, and I totally agree with you, and I absolutely would have no qualms about being honest right now if I had my own place. You have to remember, I'm living in _her_ apartment... That's what makes it so tricky. I am a foreigner and I literally know no other people in this city (as mentioned in the straightshredd's 'I need to make new friends' thread). I guess if push came to shove I could ask to sleep on my co-workers couch... but for a month? Seems like asking too much. Too bad there's not a good capsule hotel near my workplace. 

Also, like I said, I am not planning on breaking up with her at the same time as when I move out, unless that's just naturally what happens. I mean, unless someone can come up with some convincing reasons why I ought to... (not that I'm just going to do whatever anyone tells me, but as per this thread I'm kinda not sure about a lot of decisions I might be making in the near future)


----------



## Hollowway

It sounds like you want to break up with her, so you should. It sounds like you can't do it now since you can't get a new place to live. So wait. But for God's sake, don't move out and keep dating her. That makes zero sense. Just tell her you want to break up, and that you know she doesn't need just a roommate, so you'll be moving out.
Can I ask why you want to break up with her? You're going to need to tell her that, because everyone who is dumped wants a reason why. So you'll have to tell her.


----------



## sage

Yeah, you have to either move out and break it off or don't move out and keep on keeping on. Are you happy with the relationship outside of the "guilty for wasting her time" aspect? Because, if so, you should have an honest conversation with her regarding your lack of desire to get married and see how that goes. Maybe she's happy keeping your around as a toy-boy for the next year until you go home. Maybe she's not, but if you're happy and she's happy with the arrangement once all the cards are on the table, go ahead and be a kept man for a year. I dated older broads when I was younger. It's fun. They have nicer apartments, better jobs, better cars, they treat you well, know what they want in bed, and are generally more comfortable in a relationship than younger chicks. 

However, if you decide that you have to go - get your living arrangements all sorted out, get your guitars out, and let her down easy. I prefer, "Sweet darlin', I'm leaving you." Concise and to the point.


----------



## vilk

Hollowway said:


> It sounds like you want to break up with her, so you should. It sounds like you can't do it now since you can't get a new place to live. So wait. But for God's sake, don't move out and keep dating her. That makes zero sense. Just tell her you want to break up, and that you know she doesn't need just a roommate, so you'll be moving out.
> Can I ask why you want to break up with her? You're going to need to tell her that, because everyone who is dumped wants a reason why. So you'll have to tell her.



Well, the marriage issue and feelings of guilt about it are a big part. I'm pretty sure she is way more serious about me than I am about her. I really see no possibility of it working out in the long run even though I'm pretty sure she is either thinking or pretending that it will. I like being with her, but I often feel like I'm only with her out of convenience, and not only is that not fair to her, but the part of me that craves independence is beating at the walls to get out.

I know it sounds shitty, but another part of it is that I'm just kinda bored. I've been with this girl since I was 20... she's great and all, but I'm tired of being settled down. I want to go out on dates with girls I don't know yet, or have free time to jack off and play guitar all day. I want to pay my own rent and cook my own food and freeze my ass off to save on the heating bill. I feel like early 20's is the time of my life that I'm supposed to be doing things on my own, and the fact is I'm not--and I attribute a large part of this to that I am co-habitating with a woman. 

I'm sure everyone has these feelings at any age... maybe... so part of me wonders whether or not its reason enough to break up with someone. That's why I'm considering continuing to date her even after I move out. Maybe.




sage said:


> Are you happy with the relationship outside of the "guilty for wasting her time" aspect? Because, if so, you should have an honest conversation with her regarding your lack of desire to get married and see how that goes. Maybe she's happy keeping your around as a toy-boy for the next year until you go home. Maybe she's not, but if you're happy and she's happy with the arrangement once all the cards are on the table, go ahead and be a kept man for a year.



It's interesting that you mentioned this, because that is how we started dating to begin with. But I don't believe her that she's really ok with it. And like I said, from my own perspective I don't think it's fair to her. I know it should be her decision... (and this is a bad analogy but) would you give drugs to a junkie because it's up to him what to do with his life?


----------



## straightshreddd

Is she a reasonable person? How do you think she'd react. If she's a mature person with a calm level of self restraint, then talk to her about just being together as bf/gf until you leave. Maybe she'll look at it as a fun, lethargic thing before she prepares herself for middle age(she's nearing 30). 

If she's the type to flip immediately or you think she'd slice yer nuts off with a kodachi, then tread carefully and tell her that marriage is intimidating to you because you're so young. If you make it so that the reason is because of you and not her, she'll have somewhat of a peace of mind knowing that it ended because marriage scared you rather than something she did, ya kna' mean?


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Doesn't it cost a metric dickload to get started in an aparment in Japan? A few months' rent, key money, utilities, all that shit? That'd be alot of money to throw around to just live somewhere else for 6 months or so.

If she _could_ convince her parents to let her go to America with you even if you aren't married, would you be down for that? Is the problem here an aversion to long-term relationships in general, or the institution of marriage specifically? _Or_ is it that you'll get married someday, just not to _her_? 

Only slightly related, but does Japan have a stigma against women who haven't gotten married by a certain age? Here in Korea the cut-off age is 30. If you aren't married by then, the general consensus is there must be something with you, so friends, family and coworkers often put alot of pressure on single people to be married by then. I'm wondering if that's why marriage is such a big thing in your GF's mind, assuming she's Japanese. Cultural barriers like that can be tough to tackle, as I'm sure you're well aware.


----------



## straightshreddd

baron samedi said:


> I want to go out on dates with girls I don't know yet, or have free time to jack off and play guitar all day.



Boutta be added to my sig.


But, hold up, right quick. Is the sex bad or something? Or does she limit shit she lets you do?


----------



## vilk

And the other thing I feel terrible about is that she does so much for me. She has taught me Japanese, taken me to doctors and hospitals and helped me job hunt, cooks me breakfast lunch dinner, done everything in her power to make me feel comfortable here and somehow it's still not enough for me. Maybe I myself recognize that I just don't deserve to be with her.

No she doesn't limit my sex. In fact she never complains about sex. And this is a little personal so I feel weird saying it but... she can't give head. She has a jaw problem, and she can't even fit the tip of the tip in her mouth, and no matter how hard she tries it doesn't feel good. And I know this is a really trivial stupid thing but honestly it affects me. Gettin bj's used to be one of my favorite things...




Grand Moff Tim said:


> Doesn't it cost a metric dickload to get started in an aparment in Japan? A few months' rent, key money, utilities, all that shit? That'd be alot of money to throw around to just live somewhere else for 6 months or so.
> 
> If she _could_ convince her parents to let her go to America with you even if you aren't married, would you be down for that? Is the problem here an aversion to long-term relationships in general, or the institution of marriage specifically? _Or_ is it that you'll get married someday, just not to _her_?
> 
> Only slightly related, but does Japan have a stigma against women who haven't gotten married by a certain age? Here in Korea the cut-off age is 30. If you aren't married by then, the general consensus is there must be something with you, so friends, family and coworkers often put alot of pressure on single people to be married by then. I'm wondering if that's why marriage is such a big thing in your GF's mind, assuming she's Japanese. Cultural barriers like that can be tough to tackle, as I'm sure you're well aware.



The cutoff for girls getting married in Japan is 25. Girls older than 25 are called 'leftover christmas cake' (which they throw away the day after christmas if no one eats it). Japanese girls consider Korean girls to be getting married at a relatively older age. My girlfriend is Japanese, and she says that she doesn't care about that sort of thing, but you can see on her face the way she really feels when her friend got engaged last month. 

I found a place with no key money, no finders fee, free wifi, only one months rent upfront, 30 minutes from where I work. I think it's really intended for study abroad students but the lady seems to be ok with letting me live there. I wouldn't even consider moving out if I hadn't found such a perfect place to live. 

You can't live in america for longer than 3 months without a visa, and basically the only way to get a visa would be to get married. The job visas are quite hard to get, and she's not really qualified anyway.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

I gotta admit, man, I wish I had such problems . "What do I do about this awesome chick who does everything for me and wants to marry me?" is something I'd easily answer with "Marry her" for myself, but I've got about a decade on you and don't have that same desire to go out and sow my oats anymore . I actually _want_ to find a woman to marry (here in Korea or wherever I end up after, possibly Japan, even). Sooner rather than later, if there's anything I can do about it. Maybe I should give Japan a shot after all, if there are 27-year-old chicks willing to date and marry American guys...

I did have a bit of a thing with a chick once who I strongly considered breaking up with immediately after she told me she doesn't do oral, so I can understand where you're coming from there. Ain't nothin' like a good ol' BJ, son.

I realize none of that was particularly helpful . I hope things work out for the better, man.


----------



## Yo_Wattup

Grand Moff Tim said:


> I gotta admit, man, I wish I had such problems . "What do I do about this awesome chick who does everything for me and wants to marry me?" is something I'd easily answer with "Marry her" for myself, but I've got about a decade on you and don't have that same desire to go out and sow my oats anymore . I actually _want_ to find a woman to marry (here in Korea or wherever I end up after, possibly Japan, even). Sooner rather than later, if there's anything I can do about it. Maybe I should give Japan a shot after all, if there are 27-year-old chicks willing to date and marry American guys...
> 
> I did have a bit of a thing with a chick once who I strongly considered breaking up with immediately after she told me she doesn't do oral, so I can understand where you're coming from there. Ain't nothin' like a good ol' BJ, son.
> 
> I realize none of that was particularly helpful . I hope things work out for the better, man.



"Man I want a chick that cool! ....maybe I should go to japan. BJs are cool!"

This post in a nutshell


----------



## Pezshreds

baron samedi said:


> cooks me breakfast lunch dinner
> 
> she can't give head.



+1, although is WAY more impressive when you leave the jaw problem out 

Next time you tell it, forget the "jaw problem" part 

EDIT: Back OT though.

She sounds really sweet man, the whole works.
But as you pointed out earlier, that's not what you want right now. It would suck letting someone so sweet and awesome go, but if that's what you want, then either you deal with your girl now, and accept that you might get married and she moves back to the states and whatnot, or you break it off (as nicely as possible) and live your life how you see fit. 

Sure you might regret it down the track, and I'm going to sound cliche, and like I'm selling equipment for extreme fishing, but life is for living how you want. So just have a good think, don't make any rash decisions, and work out who/what/where you wan't to be in the foreseeable future my ssbro


----------



## asfeir

For the marriage thing just tell her you don't plan to get married before your early 30s, this usually does the trick because the girl will think ok I don't have time to waste. 
You can also tell her that you are really sad and homesick and need to go back to america. You have no friends, and you feel displaced and you don't thick you will be able to settle in Japan.


----------



## Datura

Pretend you thought you were just friends


----------



## vilk

Pezshreds said:


> +1, although is WAY more impressive when you leave the jaw problem out
> 
> Next time you tell it, forget the "jaw problem" part
> 
> EDIT: Back OT though.
> 
> She sounds really sweet man, the whole works.
> But as you pointed out earlier, that's not what you want right now. It would suck letting someone so sweet and awesome go, but if that's what you want, then either you deal with your girl now, and accept that you might get married and she moves back to the states and whatnot, or you break it off (as nicely as possible) and live your life how you see fit.
> 
> Sure you might regret it down the track, and I'm going to sound cliche, and like I'm selling equipment for extreme fishing, but life is for living how you want. So just have a good think, don't make any rash decisions, and work out who/what/where you wan't to be in the foreseeable future my ssbro



That's the thing of it, too. I'm sure there will be so many times where I seriously regret breaking up with her. But like, would it really be better to stay with her dreaming of what I'm missing out on? Not just other girls, but living my life on my own and having my own experiences both good and bad. I don't _think_ that I want a boring easy life more than an interesting but difficult one... but how can I find out if I never try?


----------



## Pezshreds

baron samedi said:


> That's the thing of it, too. I'm sure there will be so many times where I seriously regret breaking up with her. But like, would it really be better to stay with her dreaming of what I'm missing out on? Not just other girls, but living my life on my own and having my own experiences both good and bad. I don't _think_ that I want a boring easy life more than an interesting but difficult one... but how can I find out if I never try?



well put. Only you can answer that brother


----------



## Fiction

Datura said:


> Pretend you thought you were just friends



Oh god I need to use this.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

baron samedi said:


> That's the thing of it, too. I'm sure there will be so many times where I seriously regret breaking up with her. But like, would it really be better to stay with her dreaming of what I'm missing out on? Not just other girls, but living my life on my own and having my own experiences both good and bad. I don't _think_ that I want a boring easy life more than an interesting but difficult one... but how can I find out if I never try?



Perhaps you should move out, but _without_ the intention of breaking up. If you really want to have the feelings of freedom associated with supporting and providing for yourself, there's no reason you can't do that now _and_ still have a girlfriend. There's a bit of positive machismo to that, and honestly, that's something a woman should not just understand, but also appreciate. It shows ambition and personal fortitude. 

So maybe talk to her from that angle, but not as some sort of cover-up: You should legitimately try to live on your own while still dating her, and if that still doesn't feel right and you need to break things off, hey, you'll already be in your own place. Score.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Whoa... Japanese girls. Oral sex... I came back at a good time..


----------



## Osorio

Crazy thought: Have you given the "open relationship" angle any thought? That could be an interesting way to either create some distance or simply go out on your manhood with her full consent (unless you think that she consenting to your escapades undermines your manhoodness).


----------



## Konfyouzd

I had to hold my laugh in about this this morning...

A friend of mine texted me today to tell me that a mutual friend of ours go her ribs broken letting her boyfriend titty .... her. Now... This to me is hilarious bc I'm thinking about having to explain that shit to a doctor...

But what I also realized is, that's ....in' love... There's no way she wasn't in pain pior to the rib breakage...


----------



## Hollowway

It's clear to me you don't want to be with her. It's not a business decision, it's an emotional one. You can't make a list of reasons to stay with her and reasons to not. It boils down to this: you either really really really love her and will do whatever it takes to stay with her, or you don't. The very fact that you are posting this question means you don't. All the the reasons you're listing are irrelevant because you just don't love her in the way that would make this ever work out. If you loved her that way you'd be talking about how you're going to stay in Japan forever, marry her in the US, how you no longer care about BJs, how you don't want to hang out with your friends, etc. You'd be consumed by it. So get your apartment, move out, break up with her, and let her (and yourself) move on. 

And note to all Japanese and Korean girls who are cast aside after 25/30 years old: Come to America. We white guys don't care if you're not married yet.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Why you always tryina leave the black man out, Hollowway? 

(Think of the angry black man from the Mushroomhead CD)


----------



## Konfyouzd

Are Rastas allowed on ChristianMingle.com? Technically it's "Eastern (or Ethiopian) Orthodox Christianity. If not, who wants to convert and split some 'Merican lawsuit $$$?

Then we'll be rich enough to date whoever.


----------



## Hollowway

Konfyouzd said:


> Why you always tryina leave the black man out, Hollowway?
> 
> (Think of the angry black man from the Mushroomhead CD)



Yes! I should go with all new-school Western guys!


----------



## flint757

Hollowway said:


> *It's clear to me you don't want to be with her. It's not a business decision, it's an emotional one. You can't make a list of reasons to stay with her and reasons to not. It boils down to this: you either really really really love her and will do whatever it takes to stay with her, or you don't.* The very fact that you are posting this question means you don't. All the the reasons you're listing are irrelevant because you just don't love her in the way that would make this ever work out. If you loved her that way you'd be talking about how you're going to stay in Japan forever, marry her in the US, how you no longer care about BJs, how you don't want to hang out with your friends, etc. You'd be consumed by it. *So get your apartment, move out, break up with her, and let her (and yourself) move on. *
> 
> *And note to all Japanese and Korean girls who are cast aside after 25/30 years old: Come to America. We white guys don't care if you're not married yet.*



What you described is also an unhealthy relationship honestly. You cannot be all consumed by someone. That is infatuation and obsession. Love is not quite that nor does marriage indicate whether someone loves someone or not. As an extension, this is why people break up and/or get divorces. Relationships start out really intense, but obviously they naturally die down a bit. When this happens either someone gets bored and begins looking for their next infatuation or feels scorned by their partner because they assume they no longer care (since they aren't obsessing anymore).

That being said I completely agree with all of the bold text.


----------



## ShadowAMD

baron samedi said:


> That's the thing of it, too. I'm sure there will be so many times where I seriously regret breaking up with her. But like, would it really be better to stay with her dreaming of what I'm missing out on? Not just other girls, but living my life on my own and having my own experiences both good and bad. I don't _think_ that I want a boring easy life more than an interesting but difficult one... but how can I find out if I never try?



, sorry I have to reply to this!!.

How old are you if you don't mind me asking? After the slew of crazy bitches I've been out with, your other half sounds like a dream come true. Don't want to be rude, but sack up and talk to her about it, if it is more fun you need find out what you can do together.. From the friendship thread it seems you don't like Japan and you're living in each others pockets.. 

That's a sure fire way to get bored of someone quickly, I've lived with my wife for nearly six years and I make it my duty at least a couple of nights or even sometimes weeks to stay away from each other (she goes on holiday or something with her Dad / Mum / Friends I catch up with mates and get stupid drunk), I don't hide a thing I say look I want to slip into my own world for a bit and get myself back on track if you're running at 10% and she's running at 30% because you're annoying her then your relationships only running at 40% which isn't good news... I go from indifferent to miss her like crazy when she's been away, I had a best mate we used to spend every waking moment messing about.. After a while he grated on me, a bit of time away all is good in the world again. So same, same..

BJ?? If she can't do that, stick it up her ass or something.. Work it out like an actual couple should. That's it in a nutshell, work together, be a team and if all else fails at the end then it wasn't meant to be no regrets. But at least you can say you tried your best instead of looking back every other day / week / month wondering what if. End of the day, you're talking to the wrong people! You know who to discuss this with..

Oh and start doing shit for yourself and / or together..


----------



## AndruwX

abandonist said:


> You're not, and you don't understand the term.



Don't take that seriously. I know is a serious condition and is something you don't play with. I am actually sorry if I used it in a way it offended you. I'm serious.

Also, what? Who's loxodrome?


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^ Appearently your predecessor.


----------



## AndruwX

Do you guys think a B-Cup girl would be able to titty .... me?
My gf has some beautiful boobs but they aren't that big. I ask because of Konfyouzd post. Also, in my country we call titty .... "the russian fap"

The more you know.


----------



## icos211

AndruwX said:


> Do you guys think a B-Cup girl would be able to titty .... me?
> My gf has some beautiful boobs but they aren't that big. I ask because of Konfyouzd post. Also, in my country we call titty .... "the russian fap"
> 
> The more you know.



Please stop... Please?

Big picture is ok. But every little intimate detail. 

I know I'm being a dick, and sorry, it's just... please?


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^


----------



## AndruwX

icos211 said:


> Please stop... Please?
> 
> Big picture is ok. But every little intimate detail.
> 
> I know I'm being a dick, and sorry, it's just... please?



What? Is wrong talking about boobs?
Well, I'M SORRY... just kidding man, sorry.


----------



## soliloquy

you know, after being on a 'break' (whatever the .... that means), then trying to work things out again, only to failing and now officially being off for good after being together for 6 years...i actually feel pretty good. and i dont really know why i'm happy either. i should be sad or pissed or anything of that nature...but nothing. 

moving forward, i'll do what makes me happy. she wants closure, but i say .... it. i really am over it. all the fights, all the drama, all the bs. i'm sick of always trying to keep her happy and trying to hold her high. if you're not returning the favor, nor going to stand by me, nor support me, nor appreciate me, .... it. i'm out. 

i think i feel releaved. feels good


----------



## Konfyouzd

(Not laughing at you Soliloquy)


----------



## Osorio

AndruwX said:


> Also, in my country we call titty .... "the russian fap"



You've just made me realize that I have no idea how to say this in portuguese. 

I don't think I have ever personally referred to it (or heard anyone here refer to it) as anything other than "titty ....", in english...

(WHY in god's name is this forum censoring all of a sudden? I know this is not exactly new, and I don't really think it detracts that much, but it just seems so silly...)


----------



## Konfyouzd

Probably the number of hits from Google or something. More hitting the site/possibly joining = please don't give the impression that this is 4chan. 

Just a guess though. There may be other reasons.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Andruw don't stop posting here. I just lol'd pretty hard from The Russian Fap.  Also loxodrome was....an interesting...individual.


----------



## Murmel

I think I'm starting to crush on a new girl. Or maybe I'm just horny.

In one way this is good news. The girl that's been in my head for 3 years doesn't live in the same city as me anymore, so we don't see eachother very often. It really helps when getting over somebody.
It's bad news in the way that I've been so god damn happy the past few months because of not having that love feeling in me every day.

God damnit


----------



## soliloquy

soliloquy said:


> you know, after being on a 'break' (whatever the .... that means), then trying to work things out again, only to failing and now officially being off for good after being together for 6 years...i actually feel pretty good. and i dont really know why i'm happy either. i should be sad or pissed or anything of that nature...but nothing.
> 
> moving forward, i'll do what makes me happy. she wants closure, but i say .... it. i really am over it. all the fights, all the drama, all the bs. i'm sick of always trying to keep her happy and trying to hold her high. if you're not returning the favor, nor going to stand by me, nor support me, nor appreciate me, .... it. i'm out.
> 
> i think i feel releaved. feels good





can you quote yourself in a forum...? 

anyways, up until now, i was feeling pretty releaved of the breakup and the drama associated with it...now i'm going through all the shit i need to return to her and suddenly i dont feel so good. she is my closest friend and we have 6 years together. we've been through so much its insane. from funerals to weddings, to broken bones (mostly mine due to my sillyness) to serious surgeries, graduations, job losses, promotions etc...

this might be tougher than i thought...


----------



## BlackMastodon

soliloquy said:


> can you quote yourself in a forum...?
> 
> anyways, up until now, i was feeling pretty releaved of the breakup and the drama associated with it...now i'm going through all the shit i need to return to her and suddenly i dont feel so good. she is my closest friend and we have 6 years together. we've been through so much its insane. from funerals to weddings, to broken bones (mostly mine due to my sillyness) to serious surgeries, graduations, job losses, promotions etc...
> 
> this might be tougher than i thought...


It'll come and go in waves. Kinda just gotta get used to it.


----------



## Church2224

Summary of my dating life in the past year-

One girl told me I meant the world to her, and then found out her and (Who she badmouthed by the way) in my own home. Oh and my friend had to separate the two of them THREE TIMES because they were trying to have sex in my house and he told them it was disrespectful... 

Next girl I was talking to for a while and we had some great times together then her friend let it slip out she had a boyfriend...

Next girl told me that she did not want to be with me because she was moving soon and even though she liked me, did not want to start something that was going to end. Found out a couple weeks later she was back with her ex boyfriend, who she also talked shit about...

Plus a couple other random ones I tried texting but never got responses back and a blind date that was a bust...

Screw all of this shit I quit, I cannot be lied to and have my emotions played with anymore...


----------



## Ibanezsam4

here we go... tl;dr time. 

so at the end of June my mom died, she had been suffering for years (about 5 or so) and it all culminated in the last six months of literally the most emotionally trying shit i have ever been through. my ex and i broke up in February and i had to deal with the situation without someone to vent to about it. 

needless to say by the end i had a lot of pent up shit. so at the end of June i attended my buddy's wedding where i got to hook up with, and have a summer fling with former miss teen rhode island.... awesome sex was had. feelings got involved, i knew it was a long shot but i played my cards close until the end of the summer when i realized she made me feel worse about myself... i felt worthless, unwanted.. like all the good parts of me weren't important. i cut the physical side and proceeded on in life... but there was something important about those few months.. i got to talk to somebody about what i was going through. 

fast forward: i have a new job and im in my last semester of school. i feel miserable when im at school because its a ton of kids a helluva lot younger than me and emotional maturity is rare. anyways i decide to go out a few times to the bar nights just to get out and feel sociable (mainly to shoot the shit with my go-to bartender). 

so im out two nights ago and i've a lot to drink and i've been chilling with this one girl who i've known the whole time at university. we're both drunk and confession time happens. i tell her about my mom (she's only the second of my student friends i've told), we get to talking some more, turns out she's had a thing for me the whole time but she couldn't bring herself to say it cuz of this one particular problem of mine.. 

for most of my time at school i felt like an outsider, i commuted and the campus is essentially a giant collection of cliques i couldnt infiltrate. so after a while i got jaded and said fack it. essentially disregarding most of my peers. this young lady never approached me because i was distant that whole time. we talked when we were in small groups but that was it. 

so im talking to her now, good sign right? wrong. in an attempt to get myself out of the rut i felt i was in i asked her roommate out on a date. even tho she said yes it didn't feel quite right so i never pushed that any further. so she won't cross her friend, understandable. strike 2: we're both graduating in six weeks and going our separate ways. fack. 

but the part that stung was at one point in the night she told me "sam there are people here who actually care about you, you know that right?" 

at that point i literally could not say "i know" because i don't know. i've kept my guard up for so long the thought that other people who i've known for two years cared was foreign to me. 

we talked some more... we might have kissed, i dont remember cuz i was hammered. eventually i drove her back to her dorm and then went home... literally in a rage that i let myself miss out on so much. 

i had promised myself that i would have fun and enjoy my last connection to adolescence and i never did because i was too scared to let my guard down and be vulnerable. 

i had been telling myself "dude wait for some chick who actually cares" and what i realized is that she has this whole last semester and i ignored it. 

so moral of the story: i have six weeks to make some memories, and to leave on a good note. it kind of sucks i missed an opportunity to get to know somebody who was there the whole time... but the biggest regret is that i did this to myself. 

not really a love or relationship story but there was a chick in it and its enough i think. fack.


----------



## AndruwX

I know I always post funny shit, but this time is something serious.
I was in a semi-abandoned mall with my girlfriend, everything was okay until she "Hey, wanna go into the girls restroom with me, honey?" "It's kind of dangerous but okay, is not like they are cameras in the bathroom"

We just were making out with our shirts off when suddenly 3 MOTHER_F_UCKING COPS APPEARED INSIDE THE BATHROOM AND ONE OF THEM WAS DYING OF LAUGHTER.
I talked to them and I was very nervous "Sorry officer this will not happen again, we will leave the mall inmediately, I hope this just reamains a secret" and etc, since we were actually doing something illegal. 
He just asked for my ID and he told me to leave the mall, with no charges. The only weird thing was this officer dying of laughter thatwas behind them and then he left some minuteslater.

After that I talked to my gf and we just went into a conclusion "THERE'S A CAMERA IN THE GIRLS BATHROOM AND THOSE GUYS CAN WATCH"
I'm so never going to do that anymore...


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

AndruwX you never fail to give me the funnies , Please don't leave SSO


----------



## Leveebreaks

AndruwX said:


> I know I always post funny shit, but this time is something serious.
> I was in a semi-abandoned mall with my girlfriend,.........
> 3 MOTHER_F_UCKING COPS APPEARED INSIDE THE BATHROOM AND ONE OF THEM WAS DYING OF LAUGHTER.


 
Semi-abandoned mall paying for cops and cameras? You live in an interesting place. I guess they are protecting the real estate or something.


----------



## AndruwX

bteband said:


> Semi-abandoned mall paying for cops and cameras? You live in an interesting place. I guess they are protecting the real estate or something.



Is used most for offices and government shit, that's the reason is not really concurred. Is a place to go 5 minutes and then leave, but wego there because is near the cinema, so we go to the cinema and sometimes hang out there. Also, I think we are banned from the mall, is not the first time I have met those annoying cops.


----------



## Leveebreaks

Almost like they were...waiting for you :S


----------



## metaljohn

Church2224 said:


> Summary of my dating life in the past year-
> 
> One girl told me I meant the world to her, and then found out her and (Who she badmouthed by the way) in my own home. Oh and my friend had to separate the two of them THREE TIMES because they were trying to have sex in my house and he told them it was disrespectful...
> 
> Next girl I was talking to for a while and we had some great times together then her friend let it slip out she had a boyfriend...
> 
> Next girl told me that she did not want to be with me because she was moving soon and even though she liked me, did not want to start something that was going to end. Found out a couple weeks later she was back with her ex boyfriend, who she also talked shit about...
> 
> Plus a couple other random ones I tried texting but never got responses back and a blind date that was a bust...
> 
> Screw all of this shit I quit, I cannot be lied to and have my emotions played with anymore...



I had to learn the hard way. If they still talk about their ex all the time (even if it's always shit talking), they aren't over them yet.


----------



## soliloquy

Its strange how many things you start noticing after a breakup. Right now the silnce and void i sit in is almost unbareable. Keep staring at the phone expecting a text that never comes; a funny momment to share with domeone; a hand to hold during... All just empty.


----------



## icos211

First dates should be more like Aperture Science. Cake and grief counseling available at the end of the test.


----------



## Leveebreaks

soliloquy said:


> Its strange how many things you start noticing after a breakup. Right now the silnce and void i sit in is almost unbareable. Keep staring at the phone expecting a text that never comes; a funny momment to share with domeone; a hand to hold during... All just empty.


 

Get out and do something then, you need to fill the silence with other things otherwise it will always remain a silence. I went through some really brutal breakups and I always convinced myself that I couldn't go on, but the mind is a remarkably resilient thing, and memories don't have to influence everything you do afterwards.

Tl:dr read a book, watch a film, call a friend, go to the cinema, write some music...just DO, don't wallow. It'll get better.


----------



## spadz93

well, update on my situation. basically all doors have been closed on me. old girl's talking to someone else because i didnt pay mind to her when i should have, and new girl is being weird...

the new girl likes all my shit on facebook, instagram, all that social bullshit. but whenever i hit her up to hangout, she always bails. also, even just in regular texting conversation, she just randomly stops responding. again, it's weird, she has this "oh shit" sensor that tells her JUST when to text me, RIGHT before i abandon hope. I'm honestly just about to play the distance card and see what happens. not like i have anything to lose anymore.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

spadz93 said:


> well, update on my situation. basically all doors have been closed on me. old girl's talking to someone else because i didnt pay mind to her when i should have, and new girl is being weird...
> 
> the new girl likes all my shit on facebook, instagram, all that social bullshit. but whenever i hit her up to hangout, she always bails. also, even just in regular texting conversation, she just randomly stops responding. again, it's weird, she has this "oh shit" sensor that tells her JUST when to text me, RIGHT before i abandon hope. I'm honestly just about to play the distance card and see what happens. not like i have anything to lose anymore.



 She be blueballing...

I surmise she's playing hard to get.It's like a seesaw.You're weighed down while she's in the air.You have to  tip the scale...


----------



## no_dice

spadz93 said:


> well, update on my situation. basically all doors have been closed on me. old girl's talking to someone else because i didnt pay mind to her when i should have, and new girl is being weird...
> 
> the new girl likes all my shit on facebook, instagram, all that social bullshit. but whenever i hit her up to hangout, she always bails. also, even just in regular texting conversation, she just randomly stops responding. again, it's weird, she has this "oh shit" sensor that tells her JUST when to text me, RIGHT before i abandon hope. I'm honestly just about to play the distance card and see what happens. not like i have anything to lose anymore.



Don't play into it. Some girls are just like that, and it's more of a headache than they're worth. I'd say let it go and find someone that doesn't play cat and mouse. 

However, if you really like her and want to see if you can make something happen, then really your only option is to do like you said and give her the cold shoulder a bit and see if that reels her in. To keep going in with high hopes will just bum you out (at least it did to me when I was in that situation).


----------



## spadz93

no_dice said:


> Don't play into it. Some girls are just like that, and it's more of a headache than they're worth. I'd say let it go and find someone that doesn't play cat and mouse.
> 
> However, if you really like her and want to see if you can make something happen, then really your only option is to do like you said and give her the cold shoulder a bit and see if that reels her in. To keep going in with high hopes will just bum you out (at least it did to me when I was in that situation).



that's exactly my problem, everytime i see her name pop up on my phone my hopes shoot up. need to control that. im gonna do the cold shoulder thing. i probably know how it's going to end, but as far as im concerned im not single, so i'll still look while i wait


----------



## soliloquy

i'm going over all the shit i need to return to my ex. i came across a photo album i made that was supposed to be used as a proposal for her. it has the same cover of the VERY first gift i got her. i'm wondering if i should give it to her. one one end, it was supposed to be a gift i give her. but on the other hand, if i give it to her, i dont want to take her back, and that album will bring shit load of feelings back. but if i hold on to it, i'll be mulling over it over and over again...so do i give it to her? do i trash it? burn it? keep it?


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Burn/Trash it'll only put you in more misery.


----------



## spadz93

soliloquy said:


> i'm going over all the shit i need to return to my ex. i came across a photo album i made that was supposed to be used as a proposal for her. it has the same cover of the VERY first gift i got her. i'm wondering if i should give it to her. one one end, it was supposed to be a gift i give her. but on the other hand, if i give it to her, i dont want to take her back, and that album will bring shit load of feelings back. but if i hold on to it, i'll be mulling over it over and over again...so do i give it to her? do i trash it? burn it? keep it?



i would burn it in your case. i have a photo album that my ex made me, but i kept it since the relationship wasn't bad at all, they were actually good memories, hell we almost never fought. i felt no need to burn it in my case, but for yours, you need to bury everything about that relationship. it's too toxic for you man


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Another update: We are official now. I have won the lottery. I swear I havent stopped smiling since I met this girl.


----------



## spadz93

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Another update: We are official now. I have won the lottery. I swear I havent stopped smiling since I met this girl.



good for you man, at least someone here aint miserable lol


----------



## flint757

soliloquy said:


> i'm going over all the shit i need to return to my ex. i came across a photo album i made that was supposed to be used as a proposal for her. it has the same cover of the VERY first gift i got her. i'm wondering if i should give it to her. one one end, it was supposed to be a gift i give her. but on the other hand, if i give it to her, i dont want to take her back, and that album will bring shit load of feelings back. but if i hold on to it, i'll be mulling over it over and over again...so do i give it to her? do i trash it? burn it? keep it?



Don't throw it away, but don't give it to her either. Bury it in storage somewhere so you don't think about it, but at the same time 10-15 years down the road you still have the memories. Memories are all you have in this world at the end.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^ What if he gets married, how's he going to explain to his wife or kids? And that would still mean he's not over his ex.


----------



## Church2224

joshuavsoapkid said:


> ^ What if he gets married, how's he going to explain to his wife or kids? And that would still mean he's not over his ex.



Sometimes you just do not get over people. I think Flint gave solid advice on this one.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^ If you can't get fully get over a woman how can you truly love the next?


----------



## flint757

joshuavsoapkid said:


> ^ What if he gets married, how's he going to explain to his wife or kids? And that would still mean he's not over his ex.



And? I'm sure anyone worth anything would be aware that people have past relationships and some were stronger than others. If you truly cared for someone you never entirely get over them anyhow. The pictures are no indication of 'over' or not either. The moment he throws them away he will not be over her completely and if he kept them stored away 6 months to a year (or longer) from now he isn't necessarily still in love with her either. You're painting this very black and white. To throw away those pictures is to literally throw away years of good memories (because who takes pictures of the bad ones, right? ). If that doesn't get through think of it this way. Say I went to Hawaii or Jamaica or whatever and I was with someone at the time so obviously I took them with me. It'd be retarded to throw away the pictures just because the future ex happens to be in them. 

I still have photos of my very first girlfriend locked up and I can assure you I'm completely over her too.  Hell I was over it within just a couple of months and that was like 9 years ago.

All we have in this world are the impressions we leave on others and the memories we've created. I'm not saying hang them all over the house, but there's no reason to not keep them in a box in the attic or something.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^ I see your point touch'e


----------



## Church2224

My father was divorced from his first wife over 30 years ago, and he still is not over it despite how poorly she treated him. 

Fortunately my mother is very understanding. Sometimes you just cannot get over great loves like that.

I also realized how easy it is to just walk up and get a girl;s number after talking to them for a minute. Just try it, I have a 100% success rate so far.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Church2224 said:


> 100% success rate so far.



Cook them dinner. I've had a 100% success rate with that.


----------



## soliloquy

joshuavsoapkid said:


> ^ What if he gets married, how's he going to explain to his wife or kids? And that would still mean he's not over his ex.



with all due respect, if you are marrying someone else, i would assume that someone else would/should know that you are coming with some sort of baggage/past. as your future partner, they should have the right to know what happened in the past. sure, knowing every tiny little detail might make even the least jealous person go crazy. but basic info shouldn't be withheld from that person. 

i mean, with my ex, i was engaged to her. that is HUGE! my next partner(s?) should have the right that i was engaged, and that i was with this person for 6 years.




regardless, i returned her shit. is it a good idea to keep her as a friend, but strictly platonic? (i'm not the type of guy to be intimate with a person without a relationship) i do have a lot of female friends that are strictly platonic, but i never dated any of them. so would it be a bad idea to remain friends with your ex?


----------



## HUGH JAYNUS

im just going to quickly say to all those who are single: I envy you. girlfriends are overrated. .... this shit


----------



## HeHasTheJazzHands

METAL_WIZARD said:


> im just going to quickly say to all those who are single: I envy you. girlfriends are overrated. .... this shit



What about guys who are into other guys?


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^ I'm sure the same applies.


----------



## BlackMastodon

METAL_WIZARD said:


> im just going to quickly say to all those who are single: I envy you. girlfriends are overrated. .... this shit


I respect your opinion but I gotta disagree.  Depends on the girl of course. I'm getting tired of the single life but that's just me. I will admit, though, that it is real nice not having anyone that I have to "check in with"; I can just go about my day and not give a f**k about texting anyone and do my own thing.

Also, to soliloquy: that's a tough call. I'm still friends with my ex but we haven't really talked in about a month and a half, but that's because she moved to the other side of the world and we're both busy with out own lives. We also ended on pretty good terms so there's no real bad blood between us. Every situation is different. If you do try to remain friends with her, just be cautious that it may turn sour and you may realize that you guys shouldn't keep contact anymore.


----------



## HUGH JAYNUS

HeHasTheJazzHands said:


> What about guys who are into other guys?



even more so. gay/lesbian couples have even more to worry about. acceptance, inner conflict, and trying to look as fabulous as possible. we should all just have a big circle jerk and get back to what really matters in life. guitars and video games lol



BlackMastodon said:


> I respect your opinion but I gotta disagree.  Depends on the girl of course. I'm getting tired of the single life but that's just me. I will admit, though, that it is real nice not having anyone that I have to "check in with"; I can just go about my day and not give a f**k about texting anyone and do my own thing.
> 
> Also, to soliloquy: that's a tough call. I'm still friends with my ex but we haven't really talked in about a month and a half, but that's because she moved to the other side of the world and we're both busy with out own lives. We also ended on pretty good terms so there's no real bad blood between us. Every situation is different. If you do try to remain friends with her, just be cautious that it may turn sour and you may realize that you guys shouldn't keep contact anymore.



the concept of "the right one" is flawed. i have the perfect girlfriend. and i still hate her lol. relationships are never going to be perfect,. humans are too conflicted. forgive me for quoting terminator 2 here, but its in our nature to destroy ourselves. and misery loves company. we drag each other down with us at every chance. 

at least when i was single i was at peace. occasionally i wanted companionship, but then i rubbed one out or fell asleep holding my pillow and all was well.


----------



## HUGH JAYNUS

i came in to vent for one second. saw i had a like, and now im contemplating the meaning of life and shit lolz. damn you internet


----------



## DoomJazz

Church2224 said:


> My father was divorced from his first wife over 30 years ago, and he still is not over it despite how poorly she treated him.



This scares me so badly you have no idea. (Personal issues)

Anyways, people just need to remember that the grass is always greener unless you've legitimately met the love of your life. I'm sure there are a few of us right now that are in relationships wishing we were single, but then remember how poorly that went the last time 

Edit:The tags for this page are hysterical, if anyone has bothered to read them.


----------



## AndruwX

METAL_WIZARD said:


> im just going to quickly say to all those who are single: I envy you. girlfriends are overrated. .... this shit



I don't know bro, I was single 17 years of my life, then I started having girlfriends. I'm not saying that I can't be alone, but a woman at your side that respects and love you, is a very big thing.
Being honest, before ever having a girlfriend, I suffered from depression, and I was kind of a alcoholic, but nothing important.

The I met my first girlfriend...that made everything worse. It didn't help her saying I was a big piece of useless shit and more and more insults You need to learn to know people, just because she has a crush on you that doesn't mean you can trust all your life in that person.
Is pretty hard to maintain a relationship, the thing is to find the right person, the one that demonstrates with the days and months that is not going to change and love the way you are, I mean, I'm crazy axe mother_....er_ and a lot of girls have said to me in my face "dude, you're a crazy" since I'm prety expressive, kind of childish and I don't give a .... about status quo and that shite. And even I have gf.

The first thing we have to learn is to love ourselves, because having a couple is not going to make you happy, is sharing you happiness with someone, and at the end is a very beautiful experience...and sex, sex is awesome.
If someone is making you feel unhappy you either learn from that experience or try to make some changes, but if it can't be saved, just end it.
Sometimes is not that people can't get over exes, is just hard to forget the good times you had with someone in the past, time is life and is true, memories is the only thing we have in the end.

You know what they say "there's no love like first one" I'm not saying I don't love my gf as much as my exes, is just happens to have something special about it...But no about my first gf, that girl was a huge bi_tch_ and she deserves hell.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Ladies and gentlemen SS.O presents AndruwX


----------



## BlackMastodon

AndruwX said:


> and sex, sex is awesome.


He may be onto something here.


----------



## AndruwX

What? My first gf is the worst person ever.
Pic related


----------



## almostmatt1

Getting over stuff can be difficult but really circumstantial. When I was 14 I dated a girl with a multiple personality disorder, among other things. Yeah, how serious a relationship can you have when you're 14, right? Not very. But I tried helping that girl for years, and it ended terribly. Seeing someone and being close to someone that was pretty mentally messed up really screwed me up a bit. I'm pretty much past it now but my mind still wanders back and it's never fun to remember.

Anyway, my most recent girlfriend broke up with me, saying she didn't want a relationship, and didn't want any kind of attachment with people, then 2 days later slept with her ex. All the while she told me she loved me still, and had a go at me for me having a problem with her sleeping with this other guy and still trying to string me along, because, as she put it, "it's nothing emotional with him, it's just for fun, it's nothing." Yeeeeap, bitches be crazy. Sucks, but I'm pretty glad to be out of it, considering the person she shown herself to be.


----------



## soliloquy

for those getting over shit, or trying to at least...it might make you miss that person more, YMMV


i really dont know what i'm supposed to be doing right now...i got SO much free time now that i'm single. sadly most of that free time is being taken up by netflix and its really not doing good to my health. i should start focusing more on the gym again.


----------



## tacotiklah

spadz93 said:


> good for you man, at least someone here aint miserable lol



Speak for yourself. I have a gorgeous woman that gives it to me whenever I ask.


----------



## spadz93

ghstofperdition said:


> Speak for yourself. I have a gorgeous woman that gives it to me whenever I ask.



haha was just generalizing since it seems like almost everyone in this thread (including myself) is having troubles with the female race.

EDIT: i get myself into some pretty interesting sh*t as of lately... so throwback to august, me and this girl were hooking up, told each other we liked each other, and things were going pretty good. a few days before she goes back to college, she disappears. stops answering, doesnt text me back at all, and i havent heard from her since. 

now, fast forward to recent times. things are (fingers crossed and knock on wood) turning around with this new girl. Might see her this weekend, but not getting my hopes up. 

here's where things get interesting. my band is trying to take promos (pictures for those who dont know) for our facebook page. all of us advertised that we were looking for someone to take pictures for us. guess who's going to be the lucky girl to do the promos.... yep, you guessed it, the girl from the summer... idk what to expect honestly, because i havent spoken a word to her since she disappeared because i figured it wouldnt be worth it. i mean she's cute, but idk if there's feelings left (from either end), or if i can even afford to have feelings for another girl lol.


----------



## AndruwX

Is there anybody in this thread that likes men?
Just asking.


----------



## flavenstein

AndruwX said:


> Is there anybody in this thread that likes men?
> Just asking.



Man, I used to come to this thread every once in a while just because dem feels, but it find myself checking every day since this AndruwX started posting. I love you, man.

Back on topic though, I have no problem with men. I probably wouldn't put my dick in one, but that's just personal preference.


----------



## Bekanor

soliloquy said:


> for those getting over shit, or trying to at least...it might make you miss that person more, YMMV
> 
> 
> i really dont know what i'm supposed to be doing right now...i got SO much free time now that i'm single. sadly most of that free time is being taken up by netflix and its really not doing good to my health. i should start focusing more on the gym again.




I can tell you what you're NOT supposed to be doing and that's listening to Stabbing Westward. That's not going to help you arrive at the positive realisation that you can do whatever you want from here on out, you'll just end up wallowing and becoming addicted to that bittersweet longing you get from Stabbing Westward songs.


----------



## shneakypete

This happens to be my first ever post on this forum. I've been lurking for a very long time. Lately I find myself in more of the non-guitar related threads. Ill try to contribute here. 

So I recently split up with my girlfriend of 5+ years. It was a really hard relationship. Her family had issues, my family had issues, and it seems like there was always some bullsh*t causing unnecessary drama and hardship in our relationship. Through it all, I loved her. I still love her.

We split up within the last two weeks and I feel okay. I realize that if we couldnt make it work in over 5 years of ups and downs then its probably time to do whats best for me and move on, as much as it hurts. 

If theres one take-away from all of this that I can share with you guys it is this. A relationship will never bring you true happiness. Actually, there is nothing outside of yourself that will bring you true happiness. True happiness comes from within. You cant go into a relationship thinking you complete me. You are literally saying that you are incomplete without that person, and thats total bullsh*t. Maybe this is all common sense. But weve been conditioned by society to believe otherwise; that we need to be in a relationship in order to be happy. You are what you love, not what loves you. Its not about fitting in, being accepted, or being loved. You just have to find out who you really are and just be you. I think if you are really in alignment with yourself and your purpose then you will naturally attract people. Im not saying that we shouldnt try to be in intimate relationships. We need to realize that our happiness cannot be dependent upon a relationship with another person. Theres so much more I could share and maybe I will later, but this is all I have time for right now. Just some thoughts I wish you all the best of luck. Hopefully my small contribution is of some value here.


----------



## oracles

shneakypete said:


> Its not about being accepted, or being loved.



This is the only part of your post I disagree with. If you're in a relationship where you aren't feeling loved or accepted as the person you are, that relationship is absolutely toxic, and that goes for any relationship be it intimate, friendship, etc.


----------



## tacotiklah

AndruwX said:


> Is there anybody in this thread that likes men?
> Just asking.




Though as of late I tend to lean more towards lez. But if I meet the right guy, then who knows...

Edit: Just throwing this out here, but if anyone is questioning their orientation and dunno where to turn, my inbox is open. I'm a good listener so feel free to stop by for a chat.


----------



## HeHasTheJazzHands

AndruwX said:


> Is there anybody in this thread that likes men?
> Just asking.



Make that two. 

Just haven't been trying to find anyone at the moment, so I don't have any reason to stalk here.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

soliloquy said:


> for those getting over shit, or trying to at least...it might make you miss that person more, YMMV




not gonna lie. if i had heard this song while i was in my bad place i would've been a useless emotional wreck on the floor.. 

But to those who are going through this, and understand this song, let yourself mourn. you've lost something, you're allowed to be sad about. give yourself the time to be sad, but pick yourself up every time and then do something that makes you happy.


----------



## shneakypete

oracles said:


> This is the only part of your post I disagree with. If you're in a relationship where you aren't feeling loved or accepted as the person you are, that relationship is absolutely toxic, and that goes for any relationship be it intimate, friendship, etc.



I meant life in general isn't about seeking out love or acceptance from someone else. Sometimes you have to step back and realize how much of what you do comes out of a place of fear, because we're just people pleasing all the time. We're worried that if we don't act a certain way then this person or group of people won't accept us. That's what I was trying to get at.

You are absolutely right though. If you're in a relationship, be it intimate, friendship, etc., and you don't feel loved or accepted then you shouldn't waste another minute of your time.


----------



## AndruwX

HeHasTheJazzHands said:


> Make that two.
> 
> Just haven't been trying to find anyone at the moment, so I don't have any reason to stalk here.



No, no, I'm not gay, I'm just asking because this thread has been heterosexual men and bi/lesbian women so far.


----------



## HeHasTheJazzHands

I was saying there were two because I was counting ghstofperdition.


----------



## flint757

I think he is just being intentionally provocative. I find it semi-amusing either way so I'm not complaining.  

Are Loxodrome and Idontpersonally banned or something? They used to hit up these threads like crazy.


----------



## dedsouth333

AndruwX said:


> No, no, I'm not gay, I'm just asking because this thread has been heterosexual men and bi/lesbian women so far.





HeHasTheJazzHands said:


> I was saying there were two because I was counting ghstofperdition.





Oh man. That made my night haha. 



flint757 said:


> I think he is just being intentionally provocative. I find it semi-amusing either way so I'm not complaining.
> 
> Are Loxodrome and Idontpersonally banned or something? They used to hit up these threads like crazy.



I know for a fact Idontpersonally is. He's been gone for a while now I think.


----------



## HeHasTheJazzHands

Just gonna edit this so I don't look dumb.


----------



## Dropsonic

I spent the last hour pondering whether I should post this or not. I'm just gonna say .... it, and do it. 
I would like to thank anyone who reads this in advance.

So, last saturday I went clubbing with friends, met a girl with whom I flirted pretty much all night, and vice versa in a kind of touchy way. Apart from me getting her number and Facebook, nothing happened.

We texted a bit back and forth. She wrote that she must've been quite drunk and all that, and I replied saying that it was totally OK if she just wanted to keep it at the one evening. She said that she wasn't really sure what she wanted, and we text-smalltalked a bit more. 

In any case, the last time I had contact with her was Monday, and I'm not sure how to proceed at this point. I really like this girl, her personality, and we share a lot of common interests, so I'd really like to get to know her a bit better.
That said, I don't want her feeling like I'm all desperate, with always me texting first, and I'm kind of waiting for her to take the initiative.

Do you guys feel like this is the right way to proceed, or am I doing something totally wrong?


----------



## soliloquy

/\ apparently there is something called 'being too respectful' which i learned the hard way. You could start the bantering again and slowly lead to more; or be bold and ask her for coffee. I recommend the first just to gauge her interest though


----------



## Thrashmanzac

i'd leave it a little long if i was you man, did you know her at all before you went clubbing? if so i'd just wait to bump into her again and see if she's still into you


----------



## Dropsonic

soliloquy said:


> /\ apparently there is something called 'being too respectful' which i learned the hard way. You could start the bantering again and slowly lead to more; or be bold and ask her for coffee. I recommend the first just to gauge her interest though



The big question is how. I'm not particularly fond of the kind of " What are you up to today? " smalltalk.

Also, I should probably say that I'm horrible at talking/flirting with girls through SMS, and much better at it in person. I'm pretty sure that if I could get her out for a cup of coffee, I'd have a chance.


----------



## Fiction

Just wait until you see her out again, this time aim a little higher, if she reciprocates go for it man. Maybe before the usual going out night message her and ask if she's heading out as well, make it subtle, but known that you're interested.


----------



## Dropsonic

...., went full retard and invited her to a party tonight...


----------



## Fiction

If shes keen, not even full retard.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Dropsonic said:


> ...., went full retard and invited her to a party tonight...


I fail to see how manning up and asking a girl out/inviting her to a party is in any way retardedd


----------



## Obsidian Soul

UnderTheSign said:


> I fail to see how manning up and asking a girl out/inviting her to a party is in any way retardedd



It can be depending on the circumstances.I don't feel like explaining...


----------



## AndruwX

My girlfriend and I had a little problem. My gf lives with her aunt, and she's the religious-ogre-bad kind of aunt. She read one of her facebook conversations with me and she screamed at her and went full retard. She's doesn't know that I'm her bf because my gf was worried about how she would react.

"I WANT YOU TO CUT WITH HIM, HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU" what was her aunt said. I'm going to her house and talk very respectfully to that woman, and guess what? My gf's mom called me and we are friends now "Take care of my girl, she may be 20, but for me, she is still a child" and in my opinion Mom>Aunt

The bad thing is that she lives with her aunt, so she controls her in more ways than another, so it's very problematic. I'm going to fix this, I don't want my relationship ruined because of a stupid old woman.


----------



## Leveebreaks

AndruwX said:


> My girlfriend and I had a little problem. My gf lives with her aunt, and she's the religious-ogre-bad kind of aunt. She read one of her facebook conversations with me and she screamed at her and went full retard. She's doesn't know that I'm her bf because my gf was worried about how she would react.
> 
> "I WANT YOU TO CUT WITH HIM, HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU" what was her aunt said. I'm going to her house and talk very respectfully to that woman, and guess what? My gf's mom called me and we are friends now "Take care of my girl, she may be 20, but for me, she is still a child" and in my opinion Mom>Aunt
> 
> The bad thing is that she lives with her aunt, so she controls her in more ways than another, so it's very problematic. I'm going to fix this, I don't want my relationship ruined because of a stupid old woman.


 
Nothing in your life is ever simple is it AndruwX 

If her mom likes you I'd be fairly confident you can go full retard any time you like.
Not sure why this thread went Tropic Thunder all of a sudden but i'm going to have to derail it even further with a quote which could apply here:
" Well to the man's credit, he has eased up on the retard throttle. "


----------



## Obsidian Soul

AndruwX said:


> I don't want my relationship ruined because of a stupid old woman.


If she truly loves you, a stupid old lady won't matter...


----------



## AndruwX

Obsidian Soul said:


> If she truly loves you, a stupid old lady won't matter...



That´s true, but the it's the stupid old lady that gives her money and a place to stay... _f_uck


----------



## spadz93

yyyyyeap. that girl put me on the backburner yet again. not dealing with that shit anymore.


----------



## icos211

spadz93 said:


> yyyyyeap. that girl put me on the backburner yet again. not dealing with that shit anymore.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

.... all the girls.They can all burn in Hell.Is that what you all wanted to say?


----------



## spadz93

I'm literally laughing my ass off in the middle of TGI Fridays at that video right now


----------



## BlackMastodon

Obsidian Soul said:


> .... all the girls.They can all burn in Hell.Is that what you all wanted to say?


It's the women I'm having trouble with, not the girls.


I mean...wait....no.


----------



## soliloquy

so my ex wants me back, which is not gonna happen. i dont get it, when we are together, she wants to break it up, when we are broken up, she wants to be back together. i'm sorry, i said we can TRY to be friends....that doesn't mean we are back together!

in other news, this other girl i liked has been spending more time around me and is flirting back and forth. though i'm not sure if she is flirting or just being nice. regardless, even if she is flirting, i'm not going to try anything for next little while. i'm just going to cruise and be 'me'


----------



## BlackMastodon

soliloquy said:


> so my ex wants me back, which is not gonna happen. i dont get it, when we are together, she wants to break it up, when we are broken up, she wants to be back together. i'm sorry, i said we can TRY to be friends....that doesn't mean we are back together!
> 
> in other news, this other girl i liked has been spending more time around me and is flirting back and forth. though i'm not sure if she is flirting or just being nice. regardless, even if she is flirting, i'm not going to try anything for next little while. i'm just going to cruise and be 'me'


----------



## AndruwX

soliloquy said:


> so my ex wants me back, which is not gonna happen. i dont get it, when we are together, she wants to break it up, when we are broken up, she wants to be back together. i'm sorry, i said we can TRY to be friends....that doesn't mean we are back together!
> 
> in other news, this other girl i liked has been spending more time around me and is flirting back and forth. though i'm not sure if she is flirting or just being nice. regardless, even if she is flirting, i'm not going to try anything for next little while. i'm just going to cruise and be 'me'



You did the right thing.
Also, if you want (and are capable of) give this new girl the dick with no compromises. It's a win-win situation.


----------



## soliloquy

AndruwX said:


> You did the right thing.
> Also, if you want (and are capable of) give this new girl the dick with no compromises. It's a win-win situation.



i'm a 'repeat' kinda guy. thus, relationship comes first for me, sex later.


----------



## wannabguitarist

Being single is significantly more expensive but so much more fun than having a ball and chain. Give fewer ....s and get more ....s 



soliloquy said:


> so my ex wants me back, which is not gonna happen. i dont get it, when we are together, she wants to break it up, when we are broken up, she wants to be back together. i'm sorry, i said we can TRY to be friends....that doesn't mean we are back together!
> 
> in other news, this other girl i liked has been spending more time around me and is flirting back and forth. though i'm not sure if she is flirting or just being nice. regardless, even if she is flirting, i'm not going to try anything for next little while. i'm just going to cruise and be 'me'



Make moves now, or at least make your interests/intentions clear


----------



## DoomJazz

Girlfriend wants to talk with me when I get out of class...

Uh oh.


----------



## AndruwX

DoomJazz said:


> Girlfriend wants to talk with me when I get out of class...
> 
> Uh oh.



Relax, she just wants to try anal.






























On you.


----------



## HeHasTheJazzHands

That made me laugh really hard for some reason.


----------



## DoomJazz

My reaction was thus:
I WISHHHHwaiiittt a second....


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Sex without a condom

HOLY. FCUKING. SHIT.

Its like I wasnt really having sex before.


----------



## AndruwX

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Sex without a condom
> 
> HOLY. FCUKING. SHIT.
> 
> Its like I wasnt really having sex before.



Welcome to the club.
That "fcuking" made me laugh, hard.


----------



## Cloudy

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Sex without a condom
> 
> HOLY. FCUKING. SHIT.
> 
> Its like I wasnt really having sex before.





Its miles better


----------



## vilk

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Sex without a condom
> 
> HOLY. FCUKING. SHIT.
> 
> Its like I wasnt really having sex before.



I know the feeling. But now you are cursed. You will never want to use a condom again. You will go through lengths to convince a girl that it's ok not to use one, etc.

It's funny, I have had gratuitous amounts of unprotected sex with girls who aren't on birth control. I've been with my girlfriend for two years even and we never use condoms. When I was in high school I dated a girl for two years then and we never used condoms (though due to being teens we didn't have nearly as many opportunities to have sex). Never knocked up anyone, no pregnancy scares, etc. 

I just pull out. Every time. I pull out if I'm even getting a bit close, have girly finish me off with her preferred method. I also frequently pull out during intercourse and give myself a squeeze and wipe off the precum. I dunno if that actually makes a difference, but I've been getting laid for 11 years now and I got no kids and no stds.

The other way of looking at this is that no problems thus far means that mathematically my chances of getting a girl pregnant or getting an std are probably like super duper high or something. Or I'm just infertile and have good taste in women.


----------



## soliloquy

for what its worth, condom or no condom, i just like sex. sure, with a condom i can last much longer, but without it, it gets more intimate. 

but for those who really hate condoms, try finding a girl who is allergic to kiwi. if she is, there is a VERY high chance of her being allergic to latex. unless she has a morbid side and light going to the hospital following sex....

oh, and why kiwi? its a discreet way of asking if she prefers condoms or not...


----------



## Mexi

so a couple months back I set up an okcupid account, not actually thinking anything would come out of it. a few days ago, I get this message from this girl who is all 'hey good looking..etc' we start talking back and forth for a day or two and seem to have a pretty good rapport. yesterday she asked me if I'd want to text her instead. sure why not!

I'm going to be careful this time because the last time I was texting a crush of mine, I got carried away with talking about myself and probably scared her right the .... off with personal details that probably should have been left unsaid. So I will make like walter and _tread lightly_.

This girl is cute, laid back, seemingly-normal and appears to have a sense of humour not unlike my own so I'll see where this goes. I will try my damnedest to not put the kibosh on this


----------



## UnderTheSign

On the condom stuff - ya know I really dig not having to use a rubber anymore since my girl is on the pill and we're both clean but once every while we don't feel like making a mess and I just use Durex Elite or Fetherlite, depends on what I have on me... Still feels pretty damn good. I used to use regular Durex ones and recently did again cause it was all I had and those suck... Thicker and poorly lubricated so after a while she feels like I'm shoving fine grit sandpaper in her. The difference between a good thin condom and no condom is noticable but not exactly the world. 

@Mexi go for it my man. I've had a couple of real good dates on that site and actually met my current gf there.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I had an interesting conversation with a lady at my job today about relationships and things that folks may have learned growing up that affects them subconsciously in relationships... I figured it *might* be worth sharing; some of you may not care...

At any rate, while I can't confirm that I was raised by someone with this particular disorder, this experience may not be exclusive to such situations. 

The lady in question was raised by a parent with borderline personality disorder. I'm not going to get into all of the specifics of the disorder for those unfamiliar, but it's at least slightly more severe than the name would lead one to believe. 

Sometimes children who are raised by borderline parents are brought up with a sense that folks are wither wholely good or wholely bad and no in between and as such, children of these parents may come to judge other ppl in their life on those terms and forget that we all make mistakes... Again, I'm not sure if either of my parents have the disorder or not, but I was certainly given that impression of other people through certain things I was taught. It's a habit I should probably break...

In addition, they say that folks raised by a parent with this disorder can sometimes be unable to separate themselves from the failures/shortcomings of others and in turn end up distancing themselves from those people for those reasons.

For clarification, this isn't to provide an excuse for anyone that may fit this description and it's not meant to point fingers at said folks' parents either. I'm not qualified to diagnose that sort of thing. The only reason I brought it up is because the conversation around it that I had with a co-worker who WAS raised by somoene with the disorder proved eye-opening for me even though I can neigher confirm nor deny my parents' mental state as it applies to BPD.

I have noticed, though, that I tend to expect a lot from people and can be a bit hard on them when they "disappoint" me. And in some cases will even convince myself to stay away from folks that might actually be good for me as a result of some strange subconscious fear that what I perceive to be failure in them may one day affect me. 

In retrospect that seems like a nasty combo of arrogance and confusion...


----------



## no_dice

Definitely food for thought there. I feel I personally have a good understanding that life is not so black and white, but I also feel that most people are far enough to one side or the other for me to make the decision to keep them around or distance myself.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Cloudy said:


> Its miles better



ehhhh it depends. i've been with girls who aren't all that tight and unprotected sex with them is really... lame. when a girl is a good fit, then yes its tons better, but when they a little roomy then nothing is gonna really help.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Sometimes excess wetness decreases feeling too despite being quite flattering.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Konfyouzd said:


> Sometimes excess wetness decreases feeling too despite being quite flattering.




well with the last girl i hooked up with it echoed up in there... poor thing really


----------



## Konfyouzd

I've never experienced this and never wish to. How big is your sugar stick?


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Ibanezsam4 said:


> ehhhh it depends. i've been with girls who aren't all that tight and unprotected sex with them is really... lame. when a girl is a good fit, then yes its tons better, but when they a little roomy then nothing is gonna really help.




The pullout method, when used correctly, is 96% effective. Condoms are considered 98% effective.

I'm careful and not an idiot and she knows that.

And... uhh.... Its like a lock and key man. Its amazing.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I ....in love Joe.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Konfyouzd said:


> I've never experienced this and never wish to. How big is your sugar stick?



i use magnums (not lying)... i should mention this chick passed a massive child her vag and she never got the honeymoon tuck afterward. i feel bad for any dude who enters that


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Ibanezsam4 said:


> i use magnums (not lying)... i should mention this chick passed a massive child her vag and she never got the honeymoon tuck afterward. i feel bad for any dude who enters that



I banged a milf once. Shit was tight, yo.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Konfyouzd said:


> I ....in love Joe.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

leftyguitarjoe said:


> I banged a milf once. Shit was tight, yo.



i wish i had your luck  but in reality she was probably a little roomier naturally (she had the birthing hips) but i think the kid (this child was seriously enormous) just made it worse


----------



## DoomJazz

I wouldn't mind a milf or one of my highschool teachers coming on to me...

Would be extra sweet if they were into anal.


----------



## Konfyouzd

This page is good stuff


----------



## DoomJazz

Glad you're having fun, Konfyouzd


----------



## AndruwX

DoomJazz said:


> I wouldn't mind a milf or one of my highschool teachers coming on to me...
> 
> Would be extra sweet if they were into anal.



So, you DO like anal. 
All the girls I have been with were tight, so, lucky me I guess 

Also, now that we are talking crazy bullshite, do you people masturbate/fap in healthy dosis? 
I do it like twice a week TBH. I know some guys that do it several times A DAY. That's just not healthy.


----------



## DoomJazz

AndruwX said:


> So, you DO like anal.



Well of course I do. Nothing better than a hole that doesn't need birth control.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^Nope, I'm on this NoFap thing where I don't receive any kind of visual, audio, or physical stimulation unless it's from a real woman. The idea is that taking in no "artificial" stimulations rewires our hunter-gather-type brain to tell us that attractive women are more scarce, and thus places a higher priority on them. Sort of resets you back to caveman status . I was skeptical at first, but DAMN am I impressed with the results. Not to get too TMI with yall but it's been about 3 weeks since...you know...and every time I make eye contact with a cute girl on the street, I tend to just hold their gaze for a sec. It's like we're sizing each other up on an instinctual level, and just about ALL women do it all the time, I just never noticed before. No new sugarwalls in a while, but I KNOW I'm gonna pull some soon. Quit fapping guys 

EDIT: 'd


----------



## DoomJazz

^ I guess I should close my other tabs, then...


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

glassmoon0fo said:


> No new sugarwalls in a while, but I KNOW I'm gonna pull some soon.


 Is the sugarwalls part a Hodgetwins reference, those dudes are F***ing hilarious.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

BlackMastodon said:


> It's the women I'm having trouble with, not the girls.
> 
> 
> I mean...wait....no.


----------



## no_dice

Konfyouzd said:


> I've never experienced this and never wish to. How big is your sugar stick?



Hahah, no offense K, but it's never not weird to ask a fellow dude that.


----------



## soliloquy

...so i left this page a few days ago saying im a 'repeat' kinda guy...i come back to a total raunch-fest... Wtf did i just do...?


Stay classy my friends




On an unrelated topic, where to take her on a first date?


----------



## glassmoon0fo

I'd recommend somewhere completely opposite of where she'd normally go. If she's classy take her to a monster truck rally, if she's a little less than class, an art gallery. Some place where she's a little off balance and you can lead. Also, eating and movies aren't my favorite first dates, they don't offer much opportunity to highlight the fun aspect of interaction. I like bowling, painting with a twist (this chain we have around here where you get drunk while they teach you how to paint), putt putt and skating are awesome, and you can invite her friends. If they like you, your balls are as good as drained


----------



## DoomJazz

Balls are as good as drained?


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^Thought the same thing.

The end of the video sums that up
watch?v=Ew-24Ad6t-g


----------



## piggins411

soliloquy said:


> ...so i left this page a few days ago saying im a 'repeat' kinda guy...i come back to a total raunch-fest... Wtf did i just do...?
> 
> 
> Stay classy my friends
> 
> 
> 
> 
> On an unrelated topic, where to take her on a first date?




Pound town


----------



## DoomJazz

If there are any women reading this thread, they must think we're disgusting.


----------



## -42-

DoomJazz said:


> If there are any women reading this thread, they must think we're disgusting.



That's a pretty big 'if' man.


----------



## soliloquy

humm....so the ex texted saying she has to give me my bday present which was 2 tickets to this murder, mystery, dinner thing. my birthday was back in july, but she got it late, then we broke up...

now do i take it and take her as a friend? do i take it and take someone else? or do i tell her to keep it and use it however she likes? or do i take it and regift it to another couple?

it does have an expiry date of first week of december

it is fairly expensive at about $80 per person. 

either way, if i go with her, i am in no way interested in taking her back.


----------



## AndruwX

Male conversations are just not for women...
My What's App group proves it, we're just so...gay.


----------



## AndruwX

Sorry, I don't know why it made double post.


----------



## Mexi

update on that girl I started texting over okcupid. after a couple days of back and forth, she asked me when it'd be okay to meet, so I asked her if she'd be up for a coffee next friday and she said she'd have time after work.

first date in a *long* time, but she seems really laid back and I'm really not stressing about it in the slightest in either case so it should be fun. it'll be nice just to have a conversation with a like-minded person (it doesn't hurt that her first words to me on okcupid were "you are sooo fine, damn boy") so I think I'm in good shape going into this. 

I'm also going to be sure not to over-text her between now and then as I've learned that I have the tendency to monumentally .... things up when I'm texting someone I'm interesting. That and I'd like to still have things to talk about for when we meet haha.


----------



## oracles

soliloquy said:


> humm....so the ex texted saying she has to give me my bday present which was 2 tickets to this murder, mystery, dinner thing. my birthday was back in july, but she got it late, then we broke up...
> 
> now do i take it and take her as a friend? do i take it and take someone else? or do i tell her to keep it and use it however she likes? or do i take it and regift it to another couple?
> 
> it does have an expiry date of first week of december
> 
> it is fairly expensive at about $80 per person.
> 
> either way, if i go with her, i am in no way interested in taking her back.



Take them if it's something you're interested in going to, but if you do, do NOT take her. It's another opportunity for her to try and weasel her way back into your life. If you have no interest in being with her, don't give her an opportunity to make it more difficult. Take a friend if you really want to go.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

The key to success in online dating is not to treat it like dating at all. Just talk to them like they're people and see if you gel. If it works, it works. Simple as that. Thats how I met my ex and we dated for a year, and thats how I met my current girlfriend.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Women don't really respond if you try to start a normal conversation with them. That must be another one of those things that's "creepy"...


----------



## flint757

soliloquy said:


> humm....so the ex texted saying she has to give me my bday present which was 2 tickets to this murder, mystery, dinner thing. my birthday was back in july, but she got it late, then we broke up...
> 
> now do i take it and take her as a friend? do i take it and take someone else? or do i tell her to keep it and use it however she likes? or do i take it and regift it to another couple?
> 
> it does have an expiry date of first week of december
> 
> it is fairly expensive at about $80 per person.
> 
> either way, if i go with her, i am in no way interested in taking her back.


 
I'd say take them and take someone else or let her keep them are the better options. The only reason you should take the tickets and take her as a friend is if that is a genuine goal of yours. That being said, if she is more interested in getting back together it is probably in your interest as friends to not take her or do things with her until she moves on.


----------



## flint757

I'm trying the online dating thing mostly because I'm tired of meeting people who I have nothing in common with. Like Aziz said (paraphrasing), 'online dating is like walking into a bar and being able to read peoples minds and eliminate everyone, but the ones you want'. 

Can't hurt my odds...


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Konfyouzd said:


> Women don't really respond if you try to start a normal conversation with them. That must be another one of those things that's "creepy"...



My current girlfriend had on her profile that she was a singer so I messaged her asking if she wanted to join my band.... that didnt exist haha.

It worked.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Yea ive tried that kind of stuff. It apparently only works for some ppl.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I'm a black guy that listens to metal in a predominantly black environment,and I dress like I listen to metal lol.You can imagine the struggle is real for me...


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^ Dude the same for me, it makes getting a band together pretty hard, everyone else who does want to play are either older and don't play metal or lives like two or three miles away from me and being too young to drive makes it impossible pretty much, just one more year, till I'm 18. College will be much better for me as a musician.


----------



## AndruwX

Obsidian Soul said:


> I'm a black guy that listens to metal in a predominantly black environment,and I dress like I listen to metal lol.You can imagine the struggle is real for me...



Then stop dressing like you listen to metal.
I stopped dressing that way 3 years ago and girls totally dig it. At the end, women like "manly" and well dressed men.

So, what's the solution?
*BE TOSIN ABASI*


----------



## Obsidian Soul

AndruwX said:


> Then stop dressing like you listen to metal.
> I stopped dressing that way 3 years ago and girls totally dig it. At the end, women like "manly" and well dressed men.
> 
> So, what's the solution?
> *BE TOSIN ABASI*


I didn't dress like it before,and it still didn't matter.Once they find out I play guitar and/or listen to metal, they become uninterested.Even now,I dress sometimes like I "look black",and it doesn't matter.Besides,I've given up pleasing people.It never works,and you won't be happy...


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

^I think a big thing with that is how you convey yourself.

Generally acting or at the very least LOOKING as if metal is the bedrock of your existence will be a turn-off to a lot of girls (with the opposite effect likely on 'metal'/'alt'/'goth' girls etc) and far more importantly INSTANTLY pigeonhole you into a 'metal dude' stereotype for a lot of people.

I play guitar all the time, have my own metal band and listen to shitloads of extreme metal-I can still not talk about it to people, have short hair and wear 'normal' clothes (well I have a couple of band shirts, I do like my band hoodies though).  People are surprised when I have Behemoth, Gaza or Anaal Nathrakh in my music library as well as Katy Perry or Shakira-it's just another aspect of who I am as opposed to the one that dictates my outward persona.

HOWEVER I also think far more important than acceptance is happiness-personally I LIKE the way I dress and present myself, but if you're happier looking like 'a metal dude' then never let anyone stop you in doing that


----------



## soliloquy

Obsidian Soul said:


> I didn't dress like it before,and it still didn't matter.Once they find out I play guitar and/or listen to metal, they become uninterested.Even now,I dress sometimes like I "look black",and it doesn't matter.Besides,I've given up pleasing people.It never works,and you won't be happy...



for what its worth, i'm a brown guy born to pakistani parents in saudi arabia. NOTHING about that situation says 'metal'. i grew up with listening to only two possibilities, either backstreet boys or michale jackson (my saviour was guns n roses's november rain which came to saudi arabia around '98... the country is fairly backward...besides the point...). when i moved to canada, even though i dressed metal for the longest time, brown folk used to hate hanging out with me as i wasn't 'brown enough' as i didn't listen to rap. black people didn't like hanging out with me coz i didn't listen to 'their' music. white people were just confused as i listened to their music, dressed like them (metal heads mainly) but didn't fit the stereotype. thus i hung out with druggies as they just accepted any/everyone.

even years later, now that i stopped dressing in all black, and putting on a vest and tie(new job etc), people are still shocked i listen to metal. however, cutting my hair (though i miss my hair...kinda sad my hair made girls jealous...), dressing in colors and updating my entire look made women run to me. by the time they were captivated by my charming personality , me listening to metal didn't really make much of a difference. 

granted, i am FAR from the 'dream boat' mainstream girls look for as i'm into metal, country, classical, irish folk, world folk, swing music. you ask majority of people what they hear on the radio, and its definitely not that! 

point is, do your own thing. if people aren't going to like you for who you are, they wont like you for who you're trying to be to impress them. change only if you see some flaws in the way you are. if you're happy dressing metal and kinda fitting the bill, then go for it! if not, then change and make yourself happy. 

and because these seemed fitting


----------



## icos211

I'm a generally shy sort of guy. Coming with that is a sort of dislike, or anxiety about crowds of people(except at metal shows.). Thus, I'm not a party person, let alone the fact that I have no friends who will invite me to any parties in the first place. I also can't 2 step for shit, so that also rules out me ever going to any bars around here. 

I really just don't know how else I'm supposed to go about meeting women otherwise, though. On top of that, I have less than no clue what I would say or even HOW to go about striking up a conversation.

Online dating honestly sounds like a god-send for people like me, but I don't really feel that I'm old enough for that to be a viable option...

Any advice?


----------



## flint757

It's actually more viable for young people IMO. 10 years ago I'd have agreed with you, but there are tons of people my age on there and I'm only 22. 

As for conversation, for me, it just sort of happens. I couldn't tell you ahead of time what I could talk about, but I also have a tendency to talk in a spiral pattern which means conversation, as long as it is reciprocated, continues on. You just start with something and let the Q&A and/or your surroundings lead you.


----------



## soliloquy

icos211 said:


> I'm a generally shy sort of guy. Coming with that is a sort of dislike, or anxiety about crowds of people(except at metal shows.). Thus, I'm not a party person, let alone the fact that I have no friends who will invite me to any parties in the first place. I also can't 2 step for shit, so that also rules out me ever going to any bars around here.
> 
> I really just don't know how else I'm supposed to go about meeting women otherwise, though. On top of that, I have less than no clue what I would say or even HOW to go about striking up a conversation.
> 
> Online dating honestly sounds like a god-send for people like me, but I don't really feel that I'm old enough for that to be a viable option...
> 
> Any advice?



if you're a shy guy, thats fine; nothing to feel bad about. 
if you are awkward at conversations, thats perfectly normal too.
you want to learn about someone and be able to relate to them, right? 
here's a tip for you, ask. 
ask the person inside out about everything. dont know what to ask for? ask something random like 'i see the sky is blue...if it wasn't, what color would YOU like the sky to be? oh, why is that? yeah, so is that your favourite color then? no? green? why green? ahh, that makes sense, so would you then like a green car? you dont see them all that often...blah blah blah'

give it a try. start small, start talking to people you aren't really interested in and build your social skills with them. you're at a grocery store at the check out, strike up a conversation with the cashier about the weather, the holiday season, winter etc. 

and for more tips, try these videos. get past the guy's voice. once you're past it, he does have a few valid points. they wont just help with your dating life, but also your professional life. building communication/verbal skills are essential for majority of things in life:


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

icos211 said:


> I'm a generally shy sort of guy. Coming with that is a sort of dislike, or anxiety about crowds of people(except at metal shows.). Thus, I'm not a party person, let alone the fact that I have no friends who will invite me to any parties in the first place. I also can't 2 step for shit, so that also rules out me ever going to any bars around here.
> 
> I really just don't know how else I'm supposed to go about meeting women otherwise, though. On top of that, I have less than no clue what I would say or even HOW to go about striking up a conversation.
> 
> Online dating honestly sounds like a god-send for people like me, but I don't really feel that I'm old enough for that to be a viable option...
> 
> Any advice?



You are exactly like I was a few years ago when I turned to online dating. Its worked. I was just out of the loop as you and it worked for me. Sure, there is kind of a formula you have to figure out, but once you figure it out its not so bad.

I'm going to embarrass myself in front of this forum so I can help a brother out. So here we go. My OKCupid profile that got me, an awkward prematurely bald dude, 3 women in about 18 months.
OkCupid | Leftyjoe / 23 / M / Newark, Delaware

I'll explain my approach: 
1. Dont take it seriously or personally. 

2. My profile is incredibly sarcastic which directly reflects me. The girls that cant understand sarcasm, and therefore wouldnt suit me anyway, get weeded out right there. Try to make the way you set everything up be a reflection of yourself. The words you use to describe yourself should stand out in the very way you write.

3. Notice the adorable puppy I use in my picture. Its ....ing genius. Do that.

4. When you do get into a conversation with a girl, just pretend you're messaging some dude you think you might get along with. Get out of the mindset of "Oh shit, a girl, better scrutinize EVERYTHING I type!!". Just treat her like a normal person and try to get to know her. If the two of you get along well, the conversation will come naturally. If not, dont force it. It just gets awkward.


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## VBCheeseGrater

I'll chime in and agree about the shy thing - learn to embrace it as a character trait - certainly not a flaw. Find the things you enjoy doing and do them. If you don't like raging parties, don't go! Find a girl you end up feeling comfortable around and enjoys the things you do - that may take some initial bravery but it's worth it - gotta put the work in.

Great advice on asking small questions about favorite color and stuff. That will lead to good conversation.

Edit: just saw the tags at the bottom of this thread....wrong but funny


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## piggins411

leftyguitarjoe said:


> leftyguitarjoe's profile



All the left-handed jokes were cracking me up man


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## leftyguitarjoe

piggins411 said:


> All the left-handed jokes were cracking me up man



I did that to amuse myself rather than impress people. It worked out pretty well haha.


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## vilk

I have gotten all sorts of tang from OKC, and a few of them were even pretty hot (like out of my league). The best thing that ever happened was I had an ongoing no strings attached relationship with this cute 19yo chinese girl that lasted until I moved away. She was busy all the time working and going to school, but she was on some psychotic medication that made her super horny all the time, so she didn't want a boyfriend but needed some sort of outlet, and apparently I fit the bill. And SHE was the one that messaged me suggesting it! To think of all the awesome sex I would have missed if I hadn't had an account. Anyone who isn't using online dating to meet women is limiting themselves.


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## Mexi

yeah no kidding! I totally wrote off online dating but I know realize how misguided that sentiment has been. This girl I'm talking to seems genuinely awesome; has great taste in music/movies, sarcastic and witty, very cute and, most recently, alluded to her large breasts. I'm looking forward to meeting her on Friday.

Like other posters have mentioned, being able to make conversation with anyone is a good skill to have in general, not just in dating or in relationships. That said, engage them, take a genuine interest in their lives or what interests them. You'll find that women are more than willing to open up about themselves if you show interest and will appreciate a guy that doesn't go on and on about himself. 

Building that natural ability to engage with people requires some degree of confidence. practice small talk with people you have ZERO physical interest so that you don't feel any added pressure of being super charming or witty. over time, you'll feel way more comfortable just talking and letting the conversations flow like water. Most importantly, do not take it too seriously and just try to have fun dating and meeting people until you find someone you click with. expectations ruin shit.


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## Konfyouzd

Sounds to me like you guys are just using online dating to tap random ass as opposed to actually date... Couldn't you just find insecure girls in real life? That's not to be taken as a jab at anyone, but I'm just curious... It's pretty obvious who they are in real life just like online...


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## no_dice

Saw this the other day, and it's not far from the truth:


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## DoomJazz

I've always been curious about online dating. I don't think it's for me, so I always meet girls at parties or in a public setting where I can see them in 3 dimensions instead of 2, but then again, I'm definitely an extrovert when I want to be(staying home alone ftw). My friend got an app on his phone for it and I've been watching him closely.


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## Konfyouzd

Honestly I've noticed I do better in real life just talking to random ppl and hoping for the best. Too often it seems ppl think online dating is like ordering a sandwich at Wawa. People aren't made to order and no matter how many duck face pics you post of yourself in the skimpiest outfit possible (all the while claiming you want a deeper connection than sex) the fact remains I have more to offer than most women on those sites do on paper. And when ppl act like they're too cute to speak thats all you have to go on. 

Another thing I've noticed just by actually talking to ppl is this...

Black girls love me. I assume it has to do w my year round tan and earning potential. 

Latinas like me only after they find out I speak Spanish. 

White girls (and all other outliers) hear "6 figures" and become nicer. 

The art of "peacocking" may not be hogwash after all. It always comes across to me as childish bragging, but at the same time there are plenty of things about you someone may like but never think/care to ask. 

I'm 28... I make 6 figures... Own my home and car and play 4 instruments... On paper thats a ....in' catch but I also would prefer the "Coming to America" scenario in which the girl w everything going for her falls for what she believes to be a goat herder. Idealistic? Absolutely but I feel like one can get close and it's easier offline if you can get over being shy. 

The way I picture it is like this... Some performers get so nervous beforehand they throw up. If it were me, once I puke I'm done w the whole thing. Those ppl (in some cases) STILL go out and perform.


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## no_dice

^ I'd like to believe you can meet a nice girl that won't care about those things above all else, and they will just be icing on the cake.

I'll be honest, I'm kind of a loser at life, and I still found a great girl and somehow got her to marry me. Good luck will come your way eventually.


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## Konfyouzd

I don't doubt that in the slightest... The problem, for me, is that from my vantage point, people are always nicer to me when they realize that I could potentially benefit them in some way as opposed to simply wanting to be with/around me for who I am aside from a small handful of friends.

With women, it always seems I become more attractive when they realize I can make their life easier. And I don't necessarily want to do that for someone who "likes" me for superficial reasons, dig?

Without turning this into the saddest therapy session ever, let's just say that it's rather common for folks to decide that they (or those close to them) shouldn't associate with me until they realize I can benefit them in some way. As such, I've come to view much of the world this way and I'm not sure it's always justified.

At the same time... The last 3 or 4 chicks I dated pretty much just wanted me to walk into fathering their children as if a man who's been single for the past 10 years doesn't need a little bit of time to acclimate himself to such a situation... 

For me it seems no more fair for me to assume that I can make a chick do whatever I want for some finite sum of cash than it is for them to think that because I've been single for x amount of time they have some sort of leverage on me as far as whether or not I'm willing to shell out cash to make their life easier and AT BEST only maintain what I had w/o them... 

To me it comes across as gold-digging... 

The older I get, the more of it I see and I haven't even hit 30 yet...

Quite frankly, given the circumstances I feel I'd be better off with a prostitute.

That said, I've also decided that I'm going to speak up more and just say hello at the very least to ANY woman that happens to strike my fancy that day. Never know what may come of it. That and it couldn't be any worse than waiting for the aspiring trophy wives to swarm...


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## flint757

Konfyouzd said:


> Sounds to me like you guys are just using online dating to tap random ass as opposed to actually date...



Couldn't be further from my goal...

I'm not going to stop looking in the real world either. It can't replace being social, but it can definitely supplement it. It only takes one success story to change your world after all.

That's not to say I'm not a little shallow about it. Even in a bar we pick people we find attractive so I don't see why people think that is a big deal either.


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## Konfyouzd

It's not that, it's just that the suggestions to try online dating just come across as... "Bro... Why are you talking to real girls? I tap mad ass on findaninsecurechick.com..."

That might not be the case, but that's what it sounds like. And after looking at what's on those sites, a lot of the time it looks to me like people take themselves a bit too seriously on those sites, are hideous and boring or trying WAY to hard to find a spouse (the folks on this particular site that have mentioned being on them excluded for the most part).


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## flint757

You should definitely do both not just replace one with the other. If you have social anxiety though it is a good place to start. Drinking works fine for me though. 

That may be because of your age. With women the closer they get to 30 the more they just want security, marriage, and/or children. I've come across a few people my age who are attractive and seem to have an interesting personality. Whether any of it's real remains to be seen.  I can say that if I find out the picture or profile was bullshit there wouldn't be a second date. Lying isn't the best way to start a real relationship.


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## no_dice

I met my wife on a dating site. There was no expectation for anything to happen. We weren't looking for a quick bang, and we weren't scrambling to find a life mate before our biological clocks ran out. We just started talking, had a lot of fun together, and it just worked out.

I did have a few shitty dates and meet a few weirdos before I met her, though.


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## UnderTheSign

Konfyouzd said:


> Sounds to me like you guys are just using online dating to tap random ass as opposed to actually date... Couldn't you just find insecure girls in real life? That's not to be taken as a jab at anyone, but I'm just curious... It's pretty obvious who they are in real life just like online...


Both me and Joe found girlfriends on there and I'm sure others have. I think the majority of talk here (about stuff that actually happens, not advice/ranting etc) is about tapping girls and that's probably because it's the easiest stuff to brag about.


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## VBCheeseGrater

no_dice said:


> ^ I'd like to believe you can meet a nice girl that won't care about those things above all else, and they will just be icing on the cake.
> 
> I'll be honest, I'm kind of a loser at life, and I still found a great girl and somehow got her to marry me. Good luck will come your way eventually.



With my wife, when we met, I was not on top of my affairs but i made good money. Then we both had a bit too much fun and went to hell and back together - we've been to our lowest and stuck it out. Both of us got our acts together, now doing great, and got married after all this. Not suggesting anyone try it, but it has definitely made us close and value each other and the simple things in life. I can't tell you how much i enjoy a worry free evening after work, with no real financial worries or major issues - only "cadillac problems" these days.


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## Konfyouzd

flint757 said:


> You should definitely do both not just replace one with the other. If you have social anxiety though it is a good place to start. Drinking works fine for me though.
> 
> That may be because of your age. With women the closer they get to 30 the more they just want security, marriage, and/or children. I've come across a few people my age who are attractive and seem to have an interesting personality. Whether any of it's real remains to be seen.  I can say that if I find out the picture or profile was bullshit there wouldn't be a second date. Lying isn't the best way to start a real relationship.


Exactly. I get told I'm immature bc marriage isnt a goal for me but typically I have more to offer. Single, no kids, low debt, etc... It's the reason most come my way in the first place. 

The issue is what they bring to the table never seems like much to me. I own my house and live alone. Cooking, cleaning, paying the bills--all me. 

So when a woman comes along and thinks a cute smile and opening her legs on occasion is enough to carry her through the rest of life I'm really not a fan. 

I'm not entirely unaware that I can be really hard on ppl either. I just expect a certain level of drive and ambition out of a life partner--not just someone looking to eat cuz I didn't find someone else sooner. 

If I just wanted to fund someone else's lifestyle I'd adopt a child. And chances are they'd appreciate it more. 

I know that sound mean.

UnderTheSign - I dont doubt what you say, but it does sound bad. Women make it well known that most would rather not be one of those stories whether they hand out their flower haphazardly or not. 

That said, the fact that one is likely to "brag" ab such a thing may be more apparent to the opposite sex than meets the eye.


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## Mexi

Konfyouzd said:


> I'm 28... I make 6 figures... Own my home and car and play 4 instruments... On paper thats a ....in' catch



According to what? an arbitrary measurement of what men need to have to get women? What I've seen is that not all late 20-something girls want "stability, marriage/kids etc". The amount of money you make, instruments you play or dicks you have are completely irrelevant to your ability to find someone you can develop a deep connection with and spend the rest of your life with (absolute losers get married all the time, but this may vary from region to region) So I think there needs to be some attitude adjustment on your part on what you're seeing as your value to women that extends beyond, say, financial security (and honestly, I think it's problematic if you feel that people seem "nicer" to you after hearing that you make x amount of money; seems that could lead to pretty distorted notions about relationships/friendships)

If you're projecting those qualities as things you value, are you surprised that the past 3-4 girls wanted to jump into marriage? money, stability and low-debt are all great things, especially for marriage and being a father, but not really *DATE THIS GUY* selling points, which I'm sure you're woefully aware of by now. there's a disconnect in what you want out of your relationships and the expectations these women have when meeting you. That needs to be made absolutely clear from the get-go, otherwise you're just pissing away more of your time.

The way you're framing these encounters is problematic too: If you're constantly brushing these women off because they aren't "bringing enough to the table" or you're feeling like you're expected to fund someone's life on your dime as some kind of glorified sugar daddy, then I think maybe you need to re evaluate what your idea of relationship even means at this point. You say marriage isn't a goal for you yet you expect "drive and ambition" from your *life partner* (sounds like the expectations that come with marriage to me) Not to say you should expect nothing from a long-term boy/girlfriend, but I think you're being entirely too critical about these idealized criteria that you believe are integral to a fulfilling relationship. you might have to modify your attitude and expectations slightly if you want to cast a wider net in the dating world


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## Konfyouzd

What do you mean according to what? You're saying you'd rather be in debt and make no money later in life? 

I don't project these things as stuff I value... In fact, I actively try to avoid talking about it, but it eventually comes out for one reason or another and there is a noticeable difference in the way people react. You don't have to be a social scientist to pick up on stuff like that.

And I am fully aware that not all women want that, but let's not pretend that stereotypes don't exist for a reason... It's like how not all men are just looking for something to hump, but women don't approach it that way.

My concern is that some ppl will pretend to be what you like to gain what it is they think they can from you (this happened constantly in college--women working on their "MRS" degree) and I am in a position to lose more than most of the women I meet. Further, the ones that do end up liking me--to me--seem to determine so a bit too quickly for my liking and I typically take that to mean they feel the way they do for superficial reasons... If marriage and relationships weren't the shit show they appear to have become in this country I'd probably be less skeptical. But when you can get out of a marriage easier than a gym membership and that person can take half your shit, that's kind of a concern for me... 

I"m not saying all women are gold diggers... I'm saying that when people find out you have/do certain things, more come out the woodwork... This isn't a new development, it has ALWAYS been this way in my life... 

Then any woman I actually am interested in either seems to think she can't date until she's the first female president or would rather date someone she has to complain about constantly... Clearly the ones I like are just as crazy as I am... I'm just not allowed to tackle and drag them home like other animals...  (I kid)

I don't think I need to reevaluate anything considering a lot of these women seem to flat out let me know that they expect these things from a man. I don't like that some of them seem to want to be independent when it comes to going out and being a .... up with their friends but completely dependent when it comes time to be financially responsible for what they've done.

Like I said... The last 4 have been this way... 

Lastly... Even if all you bring to the table is good conversation, at least have THAT. I meet far too many women that think a nice ass and a cute smile are all they need to get any man and typically they have NOTHING going for them aside from being cute; I can see past that. I don't think anyone should share their life with just anyone for the sake of saying they have someone. We all work too goddamn hard...

Quite frankly I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that some of us are better off doing our own thing... And I think I just might.


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## VBCheeseGrater

Mexi said:


> According to what? an arbitrary measurement of what men need to have to get women?



I think that's why he said "on paper" meaning "by the typical societal rules". 

But the fact is, a good portion of women require those things from their man. Ability to provide is something that's written in the DNA as an attractive trait. 

My wife and I basically split things 50/50. She comes from family money, but I still help pay the bills and take her out to dinner and all that. Her assets make mine look pocket lint.


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## Konfyouzd

VBCheeseGrater said:


> But the fact is, a good portion of women require those things from their man. Ability to provide is something that's written in the DNA as an attractive trait.



Precisely... Have you ever read a woman's profile on these online dating sites? Some of them require some rather ridiculous shit... And I have those things and I'm a ....in' asshole, so what's "on paper" is pretty much bullshit anyway... I've seen things where dog groomers put on there that they require a man that makes $150,000+... This is probably something some misguided parent or friend told them they should look for in a mate. Far be it for me to think they don't even know how far that $ goes... And I shouldn't even voice things like that's what matters. It's not necessarily a mate's earning potential that matters so much to me but how they operate within it... 

Realistically, I'd be most comfortable with someone who can support themselves fully with or without me. Her decision to be with me at that point would mean more to me.

Too many people--male and female--are constantly looking for the bigger, better deal. The person that gets with me because I supplement an absolute need in their life is more likely to leave when they meet someone else that can do the same that they happen to fancy more. And while prenups are a great idea I'm still on the fence about how I feel about them and I'd rather get into a situation where I didn't feel it was "necessary" but the two of us simply think it's just a smart thing to do. I don't necessarily feel a lot of the women I've been meeting lately would be very happy if I asked them to sign a prenup and to me that shows that they might not be ready for a commitment of that magnitude with ME...


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## flint757

Hey, at least you got something they want.  I'm ....ing short and nearly ALL women want someone either tall or at least taller than them. There are exceptions and also women shorter than me, but I have to arbitrarily limit who I can date even if we were compatible aside from the height difference. I'm 5'3" (or 1.6m), not a hobbit or a midget exactly.  Enough to turn some people off though.


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## Konfyouzd

Just tell em the growth went elsewhere...

"I got a 12" tongue and can breathe through my ears..." 

Works every time...


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## flint757

I'm sure this isn't new news, but the one thing I'm enjoying most about getting back out there is that I feel a need to better myself. Gives me a drive to take care of business and do things I've been putting off for no reason.


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## Konfyouzd

Very true... Exercise? Cleaning? Who does that?


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## Mexi

flint757 said:


> Hey, at least you got something they want.  I'm ....ing short and nearly ALL women want someone either tall or at least taller than them. There are exceptions and also women shorter than me, but I have to arbitrarily limit who I can date even if we were compatible aside from the height difference. I'm 5'3" (or 1.6m), not a hobbit or a midget exactly.  Enough to turn some people off though.



I'm in the same boat, in fact, a few years back I got this from a girl: "you're everything I want a guy but you're just too short". ouch 

You'd be surprised how many gorgeous girls are single because everyone assumes they're too beautiful/must be taken already and never ask them out. likewise, you never know if a taller girl will have hangups about height until you ask her out. in my experience, a girl is far more likely to stick around with you if there is some kind of intellectual/emotional chemistry than if you're a few inches shorter than her. Sure, it might be a deal breaker for some girls, but I've learned they're probably not worth hanging on to if that's what it takes.

On the other hand, some girls have come to expect that shorter guys invariably perform better in foreplay and oral sex under the assumption that they're probably compensating for height . Maybe there is some subconscious truth to that but I think shorter guys definitely feel like they have to work harder than their taller comrades. Personally, I'd like to attract women that can see physical attraction beyond feet and inches [insert penis joke here]


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## Konfyouzd

Mexi said:


> I'm in the same boat, in fact, a few years back I got this from a girl: "you're everything I want a guy but you're just too short". ouch





But yea... Everything else Mexi said is spot on... I have a friend at work that I go to lunch with rather frequently and she said that to be a woman that "looks taken" is as good as being ugly...


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## icos211

Konfyouzd, maybe try going somewhere, doing something else to try and meet women? It's kind of apparent that wherever/ whoever you are picking from are not the types you have any interest in. That, or just leave your income an unknown. If the topic of your job comes up, focus on what it is, why you do it, why you chose it, etc. Also, probably try and avoid flashing your wealth. Keep things casual, taking them to mid-level restaurants and other venues, and don't take them back to this house of yours for a few months, until you can test and see what y'all's connection is like on a personal basis.

Possibly, as well, you are just cynical as .... and none of what you are noticing is actually happening?

Now, thanks y'all for the responses. I'm still confused as hell, though. I understand THAT I'm supposed to just go up and talk to someone, and I can converse once the ball is rolling, but what am I supposed to actually say in the first place? 'Cause I see that going like:
"Hi, I'm Austin."
"Hey, I'm [insert female name here]"
*long awkward pause*
"I... wanted to talk to you."
"Um, ok, what about?"
*more silence*
"What's your favorite color?"
"Uh, Red. Why?"
"Well...wh...Why is red your favorite color?"
*more silence*
"I have class to go to, bye."

Plus there is the problem of where to go, that I still have no idea about. The only option I can think of is the school Dining hall. Then there is also the issue of friends, both of the less attractive, less personable female variety, and the more annoying douschy dudebros that every good looking girl seems to invariably be "friends" with.


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## Konfyouzd

Breaking the ice is the hard part, man. I think that's why they call it breaking the ice. 

To be honest, I don't flash anything. I buy a lot of guitars and instruments, but that's for me... 

Quite frankly, when I think about it, I'm actually less happy in a relationship than I am when I'm single but for whatever reason it's something I still feel compelled to try from time to time. Relationships kinda make me feel trapped. But that might just be because I never actually like the people I'm with...


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## DoomJazz

Breaking the ice? It's incredibly easy. Make an observation that both of you can converse about, it's especially effective when it's a light hearted joke and you can crack a smirk or a small laugh out of the girl (or guy, depending who reads this). My buddy was flying to Ohio, smacked his head on the way out of exiting the plane, said to himself "I am way too tall to fly" and hears a giggle behind him. Cute blond, and they end up chatting waiting for their connection flight. She was taken, though, and he was steamed, so he wrote me a strongly worded text about her while she was seated directly behind him and made sure to hold up his phone while he did it so she could get a good look at what she did


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## JoshuaVonFlash

^ Did he get the digits though?


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## Konfyouzd




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## leftyguitarjoe

I've decided a bunch of this stuff since my last post is tl;dr. If anyone has any specific questions regarding online dating, quote this post and ask me.


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## Konfyouzd

You should make a website and charge for it... 

"Are you a human seeking instruction on basic human interaction? The humans you meet online are just as human as the ones you meet in real life... Here's how you meet them!"

That said... My "matches" have been improving. Apparently the universe heard me bitching. 

Oh yea... And I also noticed something else... I typically only read the essay portions of their profiles and kinda ignore the education/income/height part... But what I did notice is that it also logs the last time they were online in the area where they talk about all the stuff I ignore... Yea... The majority of the chicks I message/have messaged haven't been online in MONTHS (almost a year in some cases)... 

That explains a few things...


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## leftyguitarjoe

Yeah you gotta go over the whole thing. 

Also, on an unrelated note, all the girls I've gotten off that site have been surprisingly normal, stylistically I mean. No metal chicks or anything. Don't limit yourself.


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## flint757

If nothing else the attention I've been getting via visitors and high ratings is a pretty big confidence booster. I didn't even post the best pictures I could. I just posted normal stuff where I was out having fun or goofing around. 

Hooray for not being a leper!!!


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## UnderTheSign

Konfyouzd said:


> UnderTheSign - I dont doubt what you say, but it does sound bad. Women make it well known that most would rather not be one of those stories whether they hand out their flower haphazardly or not.
> 
> That said, the fact that one is likely to "brag" ab such a thing may be more apparent to the opposite sex than meets the eye.


Oh, I know it sounds bad, which is why I don't really do it. But coming back to the whole dating site thing, I think it varies per person. I've had half a dozen of messages from women hinting at what I thought would end up in a one night stand (like this girl in London who said I could crash at her place,was "intrigued by my height, never been with someone that tall" (6'5") and wanted to find out what it was like to cuddle with a tall guy... After admitting that out of her 7 previous dates, 6 ended in a ONS) and then there were also girls that immediately seemed serious about getting into a relationship. 




Konfyouzd said:


> Quite frankly, when I think about it, I'm actually less happy in a relationship than I am when I'm single but for whatever reason it's something I still feel compelled to try from time to time. Relationships kinda make me feel trapped. But that might just be because I never actually like the people I'm with...


You need to meet better people man


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## Konfyouzd

UnderTheSign said:


> You need to meet better people man





And just to be clear I don't really care so much about how much a person makes or whether or not I'd have to help them out in certain ways per se... If I was already friends with a chick and just happened to end up liking her but she wasn't in such a great place at the time I'd be willing to do more for her than a cute stranger that approaches me with her hand out. Lately it seems I find quite a bit of the latter regardless of how I go about meeting them and it's a tad disheartening to say the least. I feel like I probably could have voiced that in a similar manner before... 

I know good ones are out there... But there's a lot of riff raff infantry...


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## Bekanor

Konfyouzd, you're in a very unique position here.

You could quite easily adopt a cash for gash approach to these gold diggers. Play it up like you're any other mark that they've bilked out of money with their bits, then when you've had your fun send them packing without a single dime of your money. 

I've probably not looked at that situation for long enough, I'm sure most gold diggers don't put out at all, or at the very least not until you've met satisfied their projected profit margin.


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## Konfyouzd

Well they do put out... But... I dunno that seems wrong... And I feel like karma would give me a kid for doing something like that.


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## oracles

Totally unhelpful for anyone in here, but I saw this today and kinda chuckled a little bit


> You're probably single because you never forwarded those chain messages back in 2008. Or because you choose to, but probably the chain messages thing.


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## Bekanor

Konfyouzd said:


> Well they do put out... But... I dunno that seems wrong... And I feel like karma would give me a kid for doing something like that.



They shouldn't be gold digging sluts to begin with. In that situation you become karmic retribution in man form.


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## DoomJazz

Hung out with a bunch of friends that came back from college for Turkey Break last night, one of them brought her cute friend, she was staring me down the entire time, totally wished I was single.


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## Obsidian Soul

I had MeetMe all the way back when it was called MyYearbook.My close cousin convinced me to make one,and I had to lie about my age at the time.I never really stayed on it,and I have been adding girls I find attractive with no other intention.Today,however,I got a message back from a girl in my area saying that I seemed interesting and to add her on FB.

I panicked and decided to tell her the truth after pondering on the situation.My true age is 18 now,and I was intending to get with anyone.Half of the girls there aren't really looking for a relationship or anything.If I had a car and a job though, I would have been all over that opportunity...

However,she revoked her message and friendship after I made up my mind(a few minutes).I was confused whether she was looking for a relationship or a one night stand.Anyways,she looked like she could be a supermodel,which gave me a bit of a confidence boost.BTW:I found a girl on there who played guitar and was into metal,but she was taken and in another state...


----------



## Mexi

Meeting the girl I met over OKC for coffee after she gets off work today. As it turns out, we have a number of mutual friends, so it doesn't feel as strange going into this (as it's my first "date" in a *long* time)

I'm pretty upbeat and not in the least bit nervous about meeting her, I think it'll be good. I'll post back confirming that assumption or how much of a cluster.... it turned out being.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Good luck bro


----------



## Mexi

so update:

As it turns out, the coffee shop that we were at that would normally be not-THAT-busy was ridiculously busy because the downtown park next to it was doing the yearly christmas lighting. on top of that, she only had about an hour to get together because she was going to the movies with her sister, ALSO she's moving to a new place tomorrow so she's been super busy with that.

However, the night went great. I had all these stupid questions planned out in case shit got awkward but we just talked, about everything really. from childhood animals, family, people, to her dyslexia and my off and on stutter. I walked with her through the park to where she was meeting her sister and mom and we just talked, and laughed and talked some more.

I would have liked to have had more time to get more personal (she was WAY cuter than in her pictures) cause her personality and quirks were just hilarious and awesome. I asked her that I'd like to see her again, she said "of course". I told her I had a great night and she said it was fantastic and we hugged and that was that. so hopefully once her move settles down, we'll have a more proper "first" date.

It was a good night.


----------



## piggins411

^


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

^^







Oh hey while I'm thinking about it, I might as well post a quick update about my little love life. Or lack thereof. 

It's been... 9 months, now, since my (now ex, of course) girlfriend of two years dumped me out of nowhere. Whee. That was fun. 
So yeah I've spent the last 9 months working constantly (new job woooo), writing lots of music, and trying to meet interesting people, specifically females. 

That last part is harder than it sounds. Gatdam. 
"Oh yeah, so what would you like to do with your life?" 
"Oh I want to spend my entire life working in a mail room. If I'm lucky they might give me my own cubicle if I get a promotion."

No one wants to do anything interesting with their life anymore. What the heck balls dude.

PS: forgot to mention that the ex is now dating one of my best friends. didn't help that they tried to hide their relationship from me. that's like some middle school level BS right there.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^ 

Let it all out friend.


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

joshuavsoapkid said:


> Let it all out friend.



Already did, I was just coming in here to tell you all about it XD

But for what it's worth, I'm genuinely happy for her. She says she's happy with my friend (who is still one of my best friends (idrgaf (I just wish they straight up TOLD me)))

I still talk to her every now and then, ask her how life's going, ask her if her sisters are still a pain in the neck (they are), remind her to use protection. (it's an old running joke (she gets it)) 
DANG MANG lots of parentheses.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Ocara-Jacob said:


> (I just wish they straight up TOLD me)))


  So true.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Mexi said:


> so update:
> 
> As it turns out, the coffee shop that we were at that would normally be not-THAT-busy was ridiculously busy because the downtown park next to it was doing the yearly christmas lighting. on top of that, she only had about an hour to get together because she was going to the movies with her sister, ALSO she's moving to a new place tomorrow so she's been super busy with that.
> 
> However, the night went great. I had all these stupid questions planned out in case shit got awkward but we just talked, about everything really. from childhood animals, family, people, to her dyslexia and my off and on stutter. I walked with her through the park to where she was meeting her sister and mom and we just talked, and laughed and talked some more.
> 
> I would have liked to have had more time to get more personal (she was WAY cuter than in her pictures) cause her personality and quirks were just hilarious and awesome. I asked her that I'd like to see her again, she said "of course". I told her I had a great night and she said it was fantastic and we hugged and that was that. so hopefully once her move settles down, we'll have a more proper "first" date.
> 
> It was a good night.



You're in. Congrats!! 

This is exactly what I mean when I say you shouldnt have to try. It just works!!


----------



## soliloquy

so...the girl who has been flirting back and forth turns out is into carpets. shes a lesbian....

this is interesting...


now...if shes flirting with me...does that mean i'm feminine? *looks down his shirt*


----------



## piggins411

Wow, for a second I thought you meant like a rug fetish


----------



## soliloquy

piggins411 said:


> Wow, for a second I thought you meant like a rug fetish




are you telling me you have a rug fetish...?


----------



## piggins411

You got me. I can't go into a Linens n Things without losing my mind


EDIT: Oh wow, outdated reference. Those have apparently not existed since 2008, at least as physical stores


----------



## MFB

piggins411 said:


> You got me. I can't go into a Linens n Things without losing my mind.
> 
> EDIT: Oh wow, outdated reference. Those have apparently not existed since 2008, at least as physical stores



Guess they should've been more specific about what they carried


----------



## piggins411

I wish I could like that about 50 more times


----------



## AndruwX

I just went to my gf house and with some words and my gentlemaness, everything is now resolved. And I spent a lot of time with her, she's also thankful because I fixed her problems with her aunt.

Andy just saved the day. Dammit I like that girl a lot...


----------



## spadz93

still kinda struggling over here. my luck has been 100% pure **** to me.

that girl that lives down the road from me hit me up last night, and ended up hanging out at my house for an hour at like 1130pm. she came over, we talked a bit, i introduced her to a band i thought she would like (i was dead on, she almost instantly liked them), and then the topic of relationships lightly came up, i cant remember how. she basically said how over relationships she is, and i basically said that im not over them, but i'm just not searching to meet any new girls at this point. cant tell if she was fishing for a reaction or... (im sure she wasnt and that i would just like to think she was, but unfortunately reality is a bitch)

*sigh* maybe ill make an okcupid for the .... of it. got nothing to lose anyway


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

AndruwX said:


> I just went to my gf house and with some words and my gentlemaness, everything is now resolved. And I spent a lot of time with her, she's also thankful because I fixed her problems with her aunt.
> 
> Andy just saved the day. Dammit I like that girl a lot...








Way to go Andrew


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

spadz93 said:


> still kinda struggling over here. my luck has been 100% pure **** to me.
> 
> that girl that lives down the road from me hit me up last night, and ended up hanging out at my house for an hour at like 1130pm. she came over, we talked a bit, i introduced her to a band i thought she would like (i was dead on, she almost instantly liked them), and then the topic of relationships lightly came up, i cant remember how. she basically said how over relationships she is, and i basically said that im not over them, but i'm just not searching to meet any new girls at this point. cant tell if she was fishing for a reaction or... (im sure she wasnt and that i would just like to think she was, but unfortunately reality is a bitch)
> 
> *sigh* maybe ill make an okcupid for the .... of it. got nothing to lose anyway


If she was over your house at 11:30PM she wants the  if she didn't want a relationship she would've never brought it up, I think (I may be WAY wrong) she just wants you to chase her or "prove" she can find a good guy.


----------



## spadz93

joshuavsoapkid said:


> If she was over your house at 11:30PM she wants the  if she didn't want a relationship she would've never brought it up, I think (I may be WAY wrong) she just wants you to chase her or "prove" she can find a good guy.



the whole time we were talking about this topic of conversation i was about to just say






i'm gonna hit her up tomorrow. big local car meet going down in honor of the recent passing of paul walker, maybe i can get her to ride with me

PS: proper citizen kane gif you got above there, good film


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

spadz93 said:


> the whole time we were talking about this topic of conversation i was about to just say
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> i'm gonna hit her up tomorrow. big local car meet going down in honor of the recent passing of paul walker, maybe i can get her to ride with me
> 
> PS: proper citizen kane gif you got above there, good film


Thanks


----------



## extend to infinity

I had a very strange weekend....

Right now I am in the UK for my thesis. I found it really hard to meet people over here so I had quite a few problems to adapt. Anyway, some time ago I met a very cute french girl and we danced a bit. I did not really have the balls to ask her for her number then and I did not see her again until friday. I met her in the same club as last time and she immediately recognized me. So we were dancing again but this time it was a bit harder because she seemed not to have problems to make (man)friends in the meantime. It was more or less like everyone around her was focusing on her and she talked to everyone (she just seems to be one of those persons).

But I lost her in the crowd shortly before the club was shut down. When I was leaving there was a girl touching me and we started talking. She sugarcoded (not really hard) that she wants to have sex so and since she was really goodlooking I was just about to join her. But then I met the french girl again and she asked me if I want to join her and her friends to a uni party. I went with them.

It turned out that the party was a bunch of british hanging out in the dorm almost falling asleep. And then one of the more drunk started throwing glass bottles out of the window and bullshit like that.... anyway a few minutes later someone called the french girl a slut which made her really angry and we left. Needless to say that there was nothing happening afterwards.

I don't know why exactly I share that besides showing my bad decision making. Anyway at least I got her number and I tried to text her yesterday. She did not really reply though :/ The only thing is that I am not quite sure if it is a problem with my phone that the messages do not arrive or very late.... but it is the same on facebook where I found her later...


----------



## Obsidian Soul

extend to infinity said:


> I had a very strange weekend....
> 
> Right now I am in the UK for my thesis. I found it really hard to meet people over here so I had quite a few problems to adapt. Anyway, some time ago I met a very cute french girl and we danced a bit. I did not really have the balls to ask her for her number then and I did not see her again until friday. I met her in the same club as last time and she immediately recognized me. So we were dancing again but this time it was a bit harder because she seemed not to have problems to make (man)friends in the meantime. It was more or less like everyone around her was focusing on her and she talked to everyone (she just seems to be one of those persons).
> 
> But I lost her in the crowd shortly before the club was shut down. When I was leaving there was a girl touching me and we started talking. She sugarcoded (not really hard) that she wants to have sex so and since she was really goodlooking I was just about to join her. But then I met the french girl again and she asked me if I want to join her and her friends to a uni party. I went with them.
> 
> It turned out that the party was a bunch of british hanging out in the dorm almost falling asleep. And then one of the more drunk started throwing glass bottles out of the window and bullshit like that.... anyway a few minutes later someone called the french girl a slut which made her really angry and we left. Needless to say that there was nothing happening afterwards.
> 
> I don't know why exactly I share that besides showing my bad decision making. Anyway at least I got her number and I tried to text her yesterday. She did not really reply though :/ The only thing is that I am not quite sure if it is a problem with my phone that the messages do not arrive or very late.... but it is the same on facebook where I found her later...


If you would've banged that other girl,then the French girl would've saw that you were the only guy not giving her attention.She would've probably given you more effort then,and you would magically have double tang.I think that's how it goes...


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Obsidian Soul said:


> If you would've banged that other girl,then the French girl would've saw that you were the only guy not giving her attention.She would've probably given you more effort then,and you would magically have double tang.I think that's how it goes...


Yep essentially do the opposite of what you think is right when romancing a chick...........scratch that you never know with chicks. It's different every time.


----------



## Konfyouzd

EVERY time...


----------



## DoomJazz

Breaking up with the girlfriend today boys. Welcome me back into the singles club with arms open.


----------



## Konfyouzd

*Administers Creed's "With Arms Wide Open"*


----------



## InfinityCollision

UNDURRRRRRRR EH SUNRIIIIIIIIIIGH



Scott Stapp, you so crazy.



soliloquy said:


> so...the girl who has been flirting back and forth turns out is into carpets. shes a lesbian....
> 
> this is interesting...
> 
> 
> now...if shes flirting with me...does that mean i'm feminine? *looks down his shirt*


Not that this helps at all, but I flirt with gay guys fairly often and I'm straight as they come. Some people are just flirtatious.



Ocara-Jacob said:


> So yeah I've spent the last 9 months working constantly (new job woooo), writing lots of music, and trying to meet interesting people, specifically females.
> 
> That last part is harder than it sounds. Gatdam.
> "Oh yeah, so what would you like to do with your life?"
> "Oh I want to spend my entire life working in a mail room. If I'm lucky they might give me my own cubicle if I get a promotion."
> 
> No one wants to do anything interesting with their life anymore. What the heck balls dude.


What are you doing to meet people? My first reaction to this is that you're frequenting the wrong places, filtering poorly, or (less likely if they're all giving you the cubicle response) giving up too soon.

I've known the chick I'm talking to right now for... 6 months? Maybe a bit more. We've always gotten along well enough, but it took some time to discover that we have a lot in common. Patience you must have, my young padawan


----------



## DoomJazz

Welcome tooo this placeee, I show you everyyyythannnggggggg

Like here is our beverage bar, we have everything from everclear to hard whiskey to make the pain go away, over there is the friend zone, and in this corner we have computers for massive amounts of porn to counteract the lack of vagina that you will be experiencing! Enjoy your stay! And remember! Once you leave the singles club, don't forget your friends!


----------



## spadz93

DoomJazz said:


> Welcome tooo this placeee, I show you everyyyythannnggggggg
> 
> Like here is our beverage bar, we have everything from everclear to hard whiskey to make the pain go away, over there is the friend zone, and in this corner we have computers for massive amounts of porn to counteract the lack of vagina that you will be experiencing! Enjoy your stay! And remember! Once you leave the singles club, don't forget your friends!



this is both hysterically and ridiculously spot on


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## UnderTheSign

joshuavsoapkid said:


> Yep essentially do the opposite of what you think is right when romancing a chick...........scratch that you never know with chicks. It's different every time.


It's like... They're humans, all slightly different with their own ways!


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

DoomJazz said:


> Welcome tooo this placeee, I show you everyyyythannnggggggg
> 
> Like here is our beverage bar, we have everything from everclear to hard whiskey to make the pain go away, over there is the friend zone, and in this corner we have computers for massive amounts of porn to counteract the lack of vagina that you will be experiencing! Enjoy your stay! And remember! Once you leave the singles club, don't forget your friends!


Is the host by any chance asian or even Confucious him self?


----------



## extend to infinity

Obsidian Soul said:


> If you would've banged that other girl,then the French girl would've saw that you were the only guy not giving her attention.She would've probably given you more effort then,and you would magically have double tang.I think that's how it goes...



For some reason that never worked out for me... I did not focus on her all night, I never do that.... I sometimes ask myself if it's not the way that I show too less interest at all.... man it is way to complicated....


----------



## Church2224

Does any one have tips on talking and dealing with girls who are a little....quiet? I am talking to this one girl, who is kind of quiet, for instance she talks to no one else in class (I am the ONLY person who does) and I have to instigate the conversation, but when I do she talks for a while and I can get her to laugh. Also when I approach her outside of class I have her full attention. 

I asked her out and got her number, so the initial groundwork is done. I am usually use to talking to girls who are much more outgoing but this girl is not so might need to rethink it. 

Maybe I am over thinking it and I got this....

Also, word to the wise and a big confidence booster- If a girl is really attractive try just try talking to her. Most of the ones I know in school never get approached by guys and I am the only guys who talks to them because I... well tried lol. Pretty much if you approach her and make good conversation, you already have initially impressed her. Then again this is where I live and I have made peace recently with some of my issues with women.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Honestly, the tips someone gave before about just talking about common shit you can make fun of works really well for talking to ANYONE...

If I'm out in public and someone does something ridiculous it's almost nothing to lean over to a guy you see laughing at it and be like "What's the deal with that guy? AMIRITE?!" and have a good laugh about it.

Women have senses of humor too. And I have a lady friend at work with whom I go to lunch on an almost weekly basis... We talk about any and everything. She's VERY feminine but still laughs at a lot of the same shit a guy would given the same conversation... 

Be Ed from Good Burger... "I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude... We're all dudes! Hey!"

Not dude as in swinging genitalia as it applies to women of course... But more in the "Dude, that's awesome!" kinda context...


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Konfyouzd said:


> Be Ed from Good Burger... "I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude... We're all dudes! Hey!"


....ing Classic movie


----------



## Church2224

Konfyouzd said:


> Honestly, the tips someone gave before about just talking about common shit you can make fun of works really well for talking to ANYONE...
> 
> If I'm out in public and someone does something ridiculous it's almost nothing to lean over to a guy you see laughing at it and be like "What's the deal with that guy? AMIRITE?!" and have a good laugh about it.
> 
> Women have senses of humor too. And I have a lady friend at work with whom I go to lunch on an almost weekly basis... We talk about any and everything. She's VERY feminine but still laughs at a lot of the same shit a guy would given the same conversation...
> 
> Be Ed from Good Burger... "I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude... We're all dudes! Hey!"
> 
> Not dude as in swinging genitalia as it applies to women of course... But more in the "Dude, that's awesome!" kinda context...



lol fair enough. I already got that down with her so I am alright I guess. Thank you sir.


----------



## will_shred

Man, I think I met a godess the other day. 

A really cute girl who looked to be of middle eastern decent, I met her though my guitar teacher. Shes super chill, plays a Schecter Tempest Custom and is trying to start a punk band. 

It's hard, my girlfriend is from a wealthy sophisticated family and grew up on jazz and classical, and shes not very political at all. This chick though... Shes from my neck of the woods culturally (Musician/Likes Harder music). I feel like if I don't ask her out, I will be left with "what if?" nagging at me for ages. Chicks who are into punk/metal seem to be rare, but girls who play mean guitar seem to be rarer. Know what i'm saying guys?

Not to mention this girl was an easy 8/10. I'm just omitting her name for the purpose of this post.






I guess I just wanted to get that off my chest.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^ If your going to do it break up with your GF first, but at least get her number if all fails you guys could be friends.


----------



## spadz93

will_shred said:


> Man, I think I met a godess the other day.
> 
> A really cute girl who looked to be of middle eastern decent, I met her though my guitar teacher. Shes super chill, plays a Schecter Tempest Custom and is trying to start a punk band.
> 
> It's hard, my girlfriend is from a wealthy sophisticated family and grew up on jazz and classical, and shes not very political at all. This chick though... Shes from my neck of the woods culturally (Musician/Likes Harder music). I feel like if I don't ask her out, I will be left with "what if?" nagging at me for ages. Chicks who are into punk/metal seem to be rare, but girls who play mean guitar seem to be rarer. Know what i'm saying guys?
> 
> Not to mention this girl was an easy 8/10. I'm just omitting her name for the purpose of this post.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I guess I just wanted to get that off my chest.



dude, what the hell are you waiting for? if i met a girl like that i'd be at the jeweler buying a ring already


----------



## InfinityCollision

Urges to sample something different are a normal part of being in a relationship. Let it sit for a while and think carefully about what you want to do.


----------



## vilk

Just an update. I told my gf that I'm moving out, but I told her that we don't have to break up. She was pretty upset but she didn't freak out like I was worried that she might. I know that I didn't break up with her like I probably should have, but the she's attitude she's adopted since finding out would lead me to believe that she understands that it's inevitable. She said that if I move out she wont really have any reason to live in Kyoto since she works far away anyway, and it could turn out that she too would move away since it seems that she might even have to become busier with her work because of this and that, and if that were to happen it would probably be the end. I guess that's what I wanted? ...


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

baron samedi said:


> Just an update. I told my gf that I'm moving out, but I told her that we don't have to break up. She was pretty upset but she didn't freak out like I was worried that she might. I know that I didn't break up with her like I probably should have, but the she's attitude she's adopted since finding out would lead me to believe that she understands that it's inevitable. She said that if I move out she wont really have any reason to live in Kyoto since she works far away anyway, and it could turn out that she too would move away since it seems that she might even have to become busier with her work because of this and that, and if that were to happen it would probably be the end. I guess that's what I wanted? ...


At least no one got hurt, glad to see it went smooth at least for now.


----------



## Cloudy

joshuavsoapkid said:


> At least no one got hurt, glad to see it went smooth at least for now.



+1 to this. Sounds pretty smooth.


----------



## DoomJazz

Seeing as I just broke up with my girlfriend and Baron just broke up with his, and will_shred is on his way to doing the deed as well, I thought I might bring up a point of interest. When I break up with a girl, I have a rule where, for two weeks, I am not allowed to have any major interaction with the opposite sex unless we were friends prior to the breakup. Does anyone else have some weird rule that they observe when they leave a relationship? Or any weird relationship rules in general?


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^ I usually just dive right back into the dating pool, considering I'm still in HS it's probably typical.


----------



## DoomJazz

^even when I was your age, I still had the rule established. A whole three years ago. (You're 16 aren't you?)


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Up until a month ago, I'm 17 now.


----------



## spadz93

DoomJazz said:


> Seeing as I just broke up with my girlfriend and Baron just broke up with his, and will_shred is on his way to doing the deed as well, I thought I might bring up a point of interest. When I break up with a girl, I have a rule where, for two weeks, I am not allowed to have any major interaction with the opposite sex unless we were friends prior to the breakup. Does anyone else have some weird rule that they observe when they leave a relationship? Or any weird relationship rules in general?



nah your not alone man, im the same way


----------



## InfinityCollision

Depends. Long relationship, not a bad idea. Similarly, probably wouldn't pursue a serious relationship for a couple months after. Less serious relationships, whatever, get right back at it.


----------



## spadz93

oh yeah, that girl that would always flake out and never respond texted me tonight, saying one of her friends was in need of local metal original music for some documentary. she'd left a little smiley on an instagram pic of mine earlier and i had neglected to comment back (she's also been liking almost everything else i post), so i figured she was using this as an excuse to try and talk to me. i talk to her, and sure enough, a few texts later, stops responding. i can't even be mad because i expected this, but who f$cking does that?


----------



## soliloquy

so the ex texted yesterday saying that her office building was on fire. her skirt caught on fire and it burned a bit of her leg. 

as a friend and fellow human being, i REALLY want to call her and see how things are going. but there is NO way for me to do that without it implying 'lets get back together'. 

what sucks is that i've done SO much more for strangers than i can do for an ex. for example, i've seen strangers pass out and hit their heads on the side walks, or their wheels burst on their bikes and they monkey-flipped over the bike. without even asking their name, i took em too the closest hospital/clinics, and if need be, stayed with them to bring em back to their home as well. i'll never see those people, and i dont know their names or stories, but thats just the type of person i am. 

it sucks that the ex has to be placed in a third category on their own. there would be 'friends/family'. 'strangers/human beings' and 'ex'. 

relationships are stupid and full of cooties!


----------



## will_shred

How does one simply break off long term relationships? I really don't get it. To just remove from your life someone whom you likely still care for, who you have a lot of history with and who is a big part of your life. I kind of feel like leaving her is the right thing to do, but it's ....in tough. Shes like my safe zone, no matter what shes got my back ya know?



I don't ....ing understand monogamy.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

will_shred said:


> How does one simply break off long term relationships? I really don't get it. To just remove from your life someone whom you likely still care for, who you have a lot of history with and who is a big part of your life. I kind of feel like leaving her is the right thing to do, but it's ....in tough. Shes like my safe zone, no matter what shes got my back ya know?
> 
> 
> 
> I don't ....ing understand monogamy.


That is among the greatest of life's mysteries.


----------



## will_shred

joshuavsoapkid said:


> That is among the greatest of life's mysteries.



I'll go make my own society! with weed and polyamory


----------



## spadz93

update: she passed out, and i had two texts from her in the morning, and i was talking to her on and off up until about 2 hours ago, when she did what she's known best for. this is almost funny now, since i don't really care anymore


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

will_shred said:


> I'll go make my own society! with weed and polyamory


I would proudly join


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

spadz93 said:


> update: she passed out, and i had two texts from her in the morning, and i was talking to her on and off up until about 2 hours ago, when she did what she's known best for. this is almost funny now, since i don't really care anymore


If I were you I'd still chat it up with her but, also talk to more chicks. If she ever comes around then at least you won't be bored waiting until she does, and if she doesn't it won't be any biggy because you'd be socializing with other chicks


----------



## Obsidian Soul

joshuavsoapkid said:


> If I were you I'd still chat it up with her but, also talk to more chicks. If she ever comes around then at least you won't be bored waiting until she does, and if she doesn't it won't be any biggy because you'd be socializing with other chicks


I concur...


----------



## spadz93

joshuavsoapkid said:


> If I were you I'd still chat it up with her but, also talk to more chicks. If she ever comes around then at least you won't be bored waiting until she does, and if she doesn't it won't be any biggy because you'd be socializing with other chicks





Obsidian Soul said:


> I concur...



yeah thats the plan, im still talking to that girl from down the street, along with one or two others, so i'm playing everything by ear


----------



## extend to infinity

Why does a girl flirt all night with you, give her phone number with a big smile, say that she wants to go out with you.....and when you ask her when she has time never answer again?

Seriously that crap happened to me like the last ten times.... and I don't get to know interesting chicks that often. What's happening?


----------



## DoomJazz

Alright boys, I'm headed down to College Station, Texas, for a vacation and to see my friend and fly with him back up here for the holidays. Anyone got any tips on Southern Women?


----------



## DoomJazz

will_shred said:


> How does one simply break off long term relationships? I really don't get it. To just remove from your life someone whom you likely still care for, who you have a lot of history with and who is a big part of your life. I kind of feel like leaving her is the right thing to do, but it's ....in tough. Shes like my safe zone, no matter what shes got my back ya know?
> 
> 
> 
> I don't ....ing understand monogamy.



There's always an underlying reason. I've found that sometimes I can't forgive former mistakes or that there is just no chemistry where it counts, or not enough to make it last into the heavens. You can still love the girl, just don't have sex with her


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

DoomJazz said:


> There's always an underlying reason. I've found that sometimes I can't forgive former mistakes or that there is just no chemistry where it counts, or not enough to make it last into the heavens. You can still love the girl, just don't have sex with her


Good luck with that  jk


----------



## DoomJazz

joshuavsoapkid said:


> Good luck with that  jk



Truth, anyone who bangs an ex knows how hard it is to not do it and how big of a mistake it is... Myself included.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I've noticed that this cute kinda thick chick that works the register at my office cafeteria either has a lil crush on me or HATES MY GUTS... I've been watching how she interacts with ppl and when she gets to me she rings me up as fast as possible and refuses to make eye contact... Maybe she caught me checking her out and just thinks I'm creepy... We'll find out...


----------



## spadz93

DoomJazz said:


> Truth, anyone who bangs an ex knows how hard it is to not do it and how big of a mistake it is... Myself included.



im guilty of the same, except i was hammered, and after that i didnt see her for a few months  i'm terrible


----------



## BlackMastodon

DoomJazz said:


> Truth, anyone who bangs an ex knows how hard it is to not do it and how big of a mistake it is... Myself included.


I regret nothing.  Then again there isn't really any bad blood between me and my ex and we are still friends. Also helps that she lives on the other side of the world now.


----------



## Kullerbytta

Konfyouzd said:


> I've noticed that this cute kinda thick chick that works the register at my office cafeteria either has a lil crush on me or HATES MY GUTS... I've been watching how she interacts with ppl and when she gets to me she rings me up as fast as possible and refuses to make eye contact... Maybe she caught me checking her out and just thinks I'm creepy... We'll find out...



Haha, that's one o' those cases where it'd be fun as hell to see how it actually turns out  let us know!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Will do...


----------



## icos211

DoomJazz said:


> Alright boys, I'm headed down to College Station, Texas, for a vacation and to see my friend and fly with him back up here for the holidays. Anyone got any tips on Southern Women?



I don't know about A&M girls per se, but be about 10x more chivalrous than you would normally think is too much. You basically have to out-gentleman everyone down here. Be respectful, hide any aversion to country music you may have, don't correct our grammar, and for the love of god don't be caught drinking anything but Shiner.

In general for College Station, avoid guys in the Corps. They are generally not fun people to be around. Also, the campus police have jurisdiction in every county in Texas, as well as a few in Oklahoma, Louisiana, and New Mexico. They will chase you. 

Other than that, welcome to The Lone Star Republic. Enjoy your stay and try not to be shot.


----------



## flavenstein

DoomJazz said:


> Alright boys, I'm headed down to College Station, Texas, for a vacation and to see my friend and fly with him back up here for the holidays. Anyone got any tips on Southern Women?




Ohhh, man. I went to Texas A&M for undergrad, so here's what I've found: Everything mentioned above is spot on (the "chivalry" thing, and it might even help to learnto_ enjoy_ country music before going.) However, you should also keep in mind that the only thing to do in CS is go to Northgate and get wasted. So just play up the rowdy-fratboy-honkytonk image and you'll have pseudo-christian cowgirl 6's and 7's all over you in no time.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

DoomJazz said:


> Truth, anyone who bangs an ex knows how hard it is to not do it and how big of a mistake it is... Myself included.



STORY TIME!!!

After my ex and I broke up I had to go to her place to pick some stuff up. Naturally we started having sex. After a little bit she starts crying. That was something I really REALLY didnt feel like dealing with, and since I wasnt dating her anymore, I decided to just put my pants on and leave.

Exact transcript.
[sees crying]
Me: "Oh... uuhhhh.... welp."
[puts pants on and leaves]

Moral of the story: dont bang your ex.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

leftyguitarjoe said:


> STORY TIME!!!
> 
> After my ex and I broke up I had to go to her place to pick some stuff up. Naturally we started having sex. After a little bit she starts crying. That was something I really REALLY didnt feel like dealing with, and since I wasnt dating her anymore, I decided to just put my pants on and leave.
> 
> Exact transcript.
> [sees crying]
> Me: "Oh... uuhhhh.... welp."
> [puts pants on and leaves]
> 
> Moral of the story: dont bang your ex.


 Did you at least call later on


----------



## soliloquy

so that i was really digging really is a lesbian. i kinda feel bad for her as she tried dating a few guys just to appease her family only to realize her family was fine with her being a lesbian from the very beginning. 

still a cool girl, and we get along great. but oh well.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

joshuavsoapkid said:


> Did you at least call later on



We hung out a few more times after that, had a few sleepovers and whatnot.

I dont talk to her anymore now that I have found a better replacement


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Nope. It was so awkward that I had to stop having sex. You know something is bad when it makes you stop having sex.


Yeah that must of been Michael Cera awkward


----------



## Konfyouzd

Been losing some weight recently... I've dropped a good bit thus far. It's amazing how differently women in general respond to me now. Looks don't matter at all, fellas... 

@Joe - The only time I've EVER stopped was when I thought I heard my car alarm going off. It really made the chick mad. But umm... The sex was free. Whatever they might take out of my car was NOT...


----------



## Mexi

Konfyouzd said:


> Been losing some weight recently... I've dropped a good bit thus far. _ It's amazing how differently women in general respond to me now_. Looks don't matter at all, fellas...



The difference is staggering. I've lost about 70 lbs in the past 1 1/2 years, and before women wouldn't bat an eye to me. now I'm getting eye-*f*ucked by womens' lingering stares more than I can remember. That said, I think a big part of it is the confidence we project when we've worked hard at something (in this case, losing weight) and feeling that the positive reaction from women reinforces that we're on the right track.

For me, being overweight killed my confidence-self esteem with regards to women up until recently, so I'm navigating uncharted territory. The plus side is that without feeling like I have the burden of being overweight holding me back anymore, I can actually be more myself and at ease around women (which they instantly recognize) It takes time to settle into your groove but once you're in it, you just feel *that* much better about getting out there and doing your thing.


----------



## The Reverend

icos211 said:


> I don't know about A&M girls per se, but be about 10x more chivalrous than you would normally think is too much. You basically have to out-gentleman everyone down here. Be respectful, hide any aversion to country music you may have, don't correct our grammar, and for the love of god don't be caught drinking anything but Shiner.
> 
> In general for College Station, avoid guys in the Corps. They are generally not fun people to be around. Also, the campus police have jurisdiction in every county in Texas, as well as a few in Oklahoma, Louisiana, and New Mexico. They will chase you.
> 
> Other than that, welcome to The Lone Star Republic. Enjoy your stay and try not to be shot.





flavenstein said:


> Ohhh, man. I went to Texas A&M for undergrad, so here's what I've found: Everything mentioned above is spot on (the "chivalry" thing, and it might even help to learnto_ enjoy_ country music before going.) However, you should also keep in mind that the only thing to do in CS is go to Northgate and get wasted. So just play up the rowdy-fratboy-honkytonk image and you'll have pseudo-christian cowgirl 6's and 7's all over you in no time.



Y'all are trippin' with no luggage. 

You can't out-chivalry a born-and-bred suburban cowboy. It's not possible. They think of nice things to do that aren't even practical. If you run into the captain of the Aggie Icers pep squad, tell her that I didn't actually lose her purity ring. I've still got that shit!

Seriously, though, go to a bar, stand out by saying you're from out of town, and be funny when you can. There's always people leaving to go to parties, and since alcohol is so cheap in CS, there's always people ridiculously drunk and looking to make poor decisions. Sense of humor is everything, IMO. Aggies aren't generally looking to hook up with black hipsters, but make them smile and I'm in, as per usual with anyone, male or female. It'll work for you, too.


----------



## flint757




----------



## spadz93

so, on a complete impulse (and because my parents needed me to drive to her area anyway) i texted the flakey chick asking to hang out, and she took the bait. i hung out with her for like an hour at some crafts store since she needed to get some things. i made her laugh a bunch, and basically just cracked some jokes left and right, which is my normal self. 

when we had to part ways, she gave me this whole "i'm really sorry i havent been able to hang out or anything, i've just been really busy" line. i took it in stride and basically i said i was also really busy with playing shows, school, etc. i appreciate her caring enough to apologize for being hard to reach, but an occaisional "hey whats up" text wouldnt have hurt to show that she was actually making an effort to stay in contact (i'd always be the one to text first after a few days of not hearing from her). kinda shitty that i had to catch her off guard and literally ask her to hang out out of the blue in order to actually hang. 

idk, what do you guys think? am i overreacting here?


----------



## The Reverend

spadz93 said:


> so, on a complete impulse (and because my parents needed me to drive to her area anyway) i texted the flakey chick asking to hang out, and she took the bait. i hung out with her for like an hour at some crafts store since she needed to get some things. i made her laugh a bunch, and basically just cracked some jokes left and right, which is my normal self.
> 
> when we had to part ways, she gave me this whole "i'm really sorry i havent been able to hang out or anything, i've just been really busy" line. i took it in stride and basically i said i was also really busy with playing shows, school, etc. i appreciate her caring enough to apologize for being hard to reach, but an occaisional "hey whats up" text wouldnt have hurt to show that she was actually making an effort to stay in contact (i'd always be the one to text first after a few days of not hearing from her). kinda shitty that i had to catch her off guard and literally ask her to hang out out of the blue in order to actually hang.
> 
> idk, what do you guys think? am i overreacting here?



Maybe. It's possible that she's really just insanely busy. Or she could be a bad texter. I know I am. There's a shit ton of possible answers, but the most practical one for you is the one she gave you. It's oftentimes easier to deal with people when you take them for their word, cynicism and pop psychology be damned. 

I know how you feel, though. I've been chasing the girl I'm gonna marry (assuming she says yes, assuming we actually start a relationship, and assuming that she's not playing games) for 18 months now. She's literally too busy, what with her longboarding career, modeling, underground poker playing, etc. I actually didn't believe her until I spent an extended weekend in Austin with her and saw myself how little time she has for long text chats. 

Still doesn't make it feel any better, though.


----------



## spadz93

The Reverend said:


> Maybe. It's possible that she's really just insanely busy. Or she could be a bad texter. I know I am. There's a shit ton of possible answers, but the most practical one for you is the one she gave you. It's oftentimes easier to deal with people when you take them for their word, cynicism and pop psychology be damned.
> 
> I know how you feel, though. I've been chasing the girl I'm gonna marry (assuming she says yes, assuming we actually start a relationship, and assuming that she's not playing games) for 18 months now. She's literally too busy, what with her longboarding career, modeling, underground poker playing, etc. I actually didn't believe her until I spent an extended weekend in Austin with her and saw myself how little time she has for long text chats.
> 
> Still doesn't make it feel any better, though.



thanks for restoring some of my hope haha. it just sucks because shes a really cool chick, and i'd really hate to let her get away, but in my head, yeah you can be busy, but it's always possible to make time. i guess i'll just have to roll with the punches and see what life brings my way.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

spadz93 said:


> I guess i'll just have to roll with the punches to get to what's real.


Might as well jump, go head and jump.
I agree with Rev, she's probably just insanely busy, but even when I am, I do always find time for peoplem so you have a point to...........seriously though don't jump.


----------



## Brill

EDIT: doesn't matter she broke up with me.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Loxodrome said:


> Long time no post in here xD
> I just started dating a girl, she lives a while away from me, so it's basically just an internet thing.
> I don't want to creep her out, or cling to her to much like I did with my last girlfriend (which was a year and a half ago). I don't know if I am or anything, so I was wondering if I could get some help?
> (PS she is also a furry)


 Lox is BACK!


----------



## spadz93

joshuavsoapkid said:


> Might as well jump, go head and jump.
> I agree with Rev, she's probably just insanely busy, but even when I am, I do always find time for peoplem so you have a point to...........seriously though don't jump.



lol i'm not jumping. i just have very low expectations about the whole situation. when she initiates it, then that's that. i mean the girl literally came out and told me she thinks i'm cute, but then there's all this. 

oh well, winter break will be here soon. i'll see what happens then.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

spadz93 said:


> lol i'm not jumping. i just have very low expectations about the whole situation. when she initiates it, then that's that. i mean the girl literally came out and told me she thinks i'm cute, but then there's all this.
> 
> oh well, winter break will be here soon. i'll see what happens then.


I was referencing Van Halen  but she thinks your cute that's a step in the right direction.


----------



## Mexi

so I figured a week or so was enough time to let the girl I met from OKC settle down with her move. I asked her out on a date next friday, something low-key; some food/drinks and a walk around downtown. She's looking forward to it and so am I


----------



## flint757

My okcupid profile blew up.  Got 3 people messaging me, one with a number, and tons of visitors. Best of all I did absolutely nothing to engage it. I haven't stalked any profiles, rated people or sent any random messages which is usually what people recommend for these sites.

That coupled with the email I had gotten earlier this morning I'm feeling pretty damn good about myself.


----------



## AndruwX

Hey lovely people, I have been busy with college and I just had some spare time to post here. Everything is going well, but yesterday happened something funny, I went to a pub with some friends, and at the bar I bought two beers. Minutes later the hot bargirl whistles at me to caught my attention and then, she sent me an "air kiss", and damn, it was a hot redhead, haha.



...well that's what I think it happened. I believe she was sending that kiss to a guy behind me and, in a very awkward manner, I winked her back


----------



## extend to infinity

Yeah who does not want a message like that?  Is this page for America only?


----------



## spadz93

joshuavsoapkid said:


> I was referencing Van Halen  but she thinks your cute that's a step in the right direction.



its a step, but i want more than just a step lol

i need patience


----------



## Ibanezsam4

started hooking up (her words) with a girl on campus, we've known each other for years but became close this semester. 

anyhow, she says she likes me quite a bit, i've been seeing her alot and stayed the night with her a day or two ago post sexy time. we both like each other but there's always a giant BUT to every story..... 

we both graduate in about two weeks. she's told me that she's stealing me these next two weeks and has made hints about me visiting her in New Jersey... but the pessimist in me is still thinking we're just going to be temporary sweethearts until school ends. 

im looking for something long-term but i only seem to attract short term girls... will update all y'all on the situation as the shit hits the fan


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Ibanezsam4 said:


> started hooking up (her words) with a girl on campus, we've known each other for years but became close this semester.
> 
> anyhow, she says she likes me quite a bit, i've been seeing her alot and stayed the night with her a day or two ago post sexy time. we both like each other but there's always a giant BUT to every story.....
> 
> we both graduate in about two weeks. she's told me that she's stealing me these next two weeks and has made hints about me visiting her in New Jersey... but the pessimist in me is still thinking we're just going to be temporary sweethearts until school ends.
> 
> im looking for something long-term but i only seem to attract short term girls... will update all y'all on the situation as the shit hits the fan


Don't be a pessimist dude your gonna end up ....ing something good up, be optimistic.


----------



## spadz93

ok so neighbor girl (same one that came over at 1130 the other night, see my prev post) came over tonight to celebrate my sister's engagement with my fam. when she went to walk home, i offered to walk with her (its dark, cold, etc). among the conversation that we had, she said something along the lines of "them being engaged makes me feel single as hell" in a joking manner. if you see my previous post, you'll see that she mentioned that she was "so done with relationships" for some reason. am i missing something very big right under my nose here?


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Finally used the multi quoting tool


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

spadz93 said:


> ok so neighbor girl (same one that came over at 1130 the other night, see my prev post) came over tonight to celebrate my sister's engagement with my fam. when she went to walk home, i offered to walk with her (its dark, cold, etc). among the conversation that we had, she said something along the lines of "them being engaged makes me feel single as hell" in a joking manner. if you see my previous post, you'll see that she mentioned that she was "so done with relationships" for some reason. am i missing something very big right under my nose here?





joshuavsoapkid said:


> If she was over your house at 11:30PM she wants the  if she didn't want a relationship she would've never brought it up, I think (I may be WAY wrong) she just wants you to chase her or "prove" she can find a good guy.


 I called it first.


----------



## vilk

DoomJazz said:


> Seeing as I just broke up with my girlfriend and Baron just broke up with his, and will_shred is on his way to doing the deed as well, I thought I might bring up a point of interest. When I break up with a girl, I have a rule where, for two weeks, I am not allowed to have any major interaction with the opposite sex unless we were friends prior to the breakup. Does anyone else have some weird rule that they observe when they leave a relationship? Or any weird relationship rules in general?



We didn't break up yet.  I only finally told her that I'm moving out. And since then things have been pretty sour. I'm literally counting the days till I'm in my new place. The dilemma now is whether it's I can still be considered human if I dump her right before christmas. I think I might have missed the window, and now I'm in for the long haul this holiday season.

But I don't have any rules. In fact, after I eventually do break up with my girlfriend I'm probably going to be looking for absolutely every opportunity to interact with the opposite sex. I guess I'm a horndog or something, but shit after being tied down for so long how can I not try to get back in the game? 

Why do you have that rule? Are you worried about rebound effect making you fall for the next girl too easily?


----------



## DoomJazz

baron samedi said:


> We didn't break up yet.  I only finally told her that I'm moving out. And since then things have been pretty sour. I'm literally counting the days till I'm in my new place. The dilemma now is whether it's I can still be considered human if I dump her right before christmas. I think I might have missed the window, and now I'm in for the long haul this holiday season.
> 
> But I don't have any rules. In fact, after I eventually do break up with my girlfriend I'm probably going to be looking for absolutely every opportunity to interact with the opposite sex. I guess I'm a horndog or something, but shit after being tied down for so long how can I not try to get back in the game?
> 
> Why do you have that rule? Are you worried about rebound effect making you fall for the next girl too easily?



Buddy, just do it, and if she makes a big deal about Christmas, you make damn sure that she knows that it's just another day in the year, and for you to put it off any longer would mean lying to her by still being in the relationship when you know you're not in it.

I have the rule because sometimes, weird shit happens after a break up. Sometimes it's the rebound effect. Sometimes your actions can cause collateral damage. Overall, I just like to make sure I can get back in the game with a clear mindset.


----------



## spadz93

either way, soon enough i'm gonna have the ultimate lady-killin machine to help my bad luck, just test drove this bad b!tch today


----------



## MFB

spadz93 said:


> ultimate lady-killin machine



oh, so you're into that real kinky shit eh?


----------



## Fiction

It's just not the same unless they're begging for their life.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Fiction said:


> It's just not the same unless they're begging for their life.


And chokes on manjuice...


----------



## DanakinSkywalker




----------



## spadz93

MFB said:


> oh, so you're into that real kinky shit eh?





Fiction said:


> It's just not the same unless they're begging for their life.



yeah dudes, necrophilia ftw


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Fiction said:


> It's just not the same unless they're begging for their life.





spadz93 said:


> yeah dudes, necrophilia ftw


----------



## Church2224

Went out with one of my friends last night. Went well, she actually surprised me and paid for everything because I have done the same for her many times before and also as a thank you for being there for her. We actually had a lot more in common than I thought. More to come on this one.


----------



## DoomJazz

Saw a cute girl on the train today, didn't get a chance to talk to her because there was no way to do so without being creepy. Later, I was at my schools library, and I went to sit down at a computer to print out a paper. I look to my right, right into the eyes of the train girl. "You were on the train this morning." Chatted for a few minutes, she seemed nice, I can't remember her name because it was something unusual 

Also saw some acoustic performers in our entertainment hall, super cute and talented girl performed, so I approached her after her set and told her I'm interning at a high end studio and would love to record her sometime. She agreed. 

Two good interactions in one day


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

DoomJazz said:


> Saw a cute girl on the train today, didn't get a chance to talk to her because there was no way to do so without being creepy. Later, I was at my schools library, and I went to sit down at a computer to print out a paper. I look to my right, right into the eyes of the train girl. "You were on the train this morning." Chatted for a few minutes, she seemed nice, I can't remember her name because it was something unusual
> 
> Also saw some acoustic performers in our entertainment hall, super cute and talented girl performed, so I approached her after her set and told her I'm interning at a high end studio and would love to record her sometime. She agreed.
> 
> Two good interactions in one day


----------



## Mexi

texted the girl I met from OKC about solidifying some plans for Friday evening. we're going to this diner (that she loves apparently) and then going for some dessert and probably finishing off with a pleasant walk around the downtown park, check out the christmas lights and all that jazz. it'll be pretty cold with some light snow so we'll have a reason to hold hands and be all romantic-like. She lives downtown so when things wind down, I'll walk her home.

barring some colossal disaster, I think it'll be a great night


----------



## extend to infinity

When I read that I wondered if you guys pay the billl when you ask a girl out for a date? I mean, as a student it might be really tough to do that.... but on the other hand I would feel kinda cheap if I didn't....


----------



## piggins411

I try to, but some want to go Dutch. The last girl I went on a date with offered to pay for the next time for example


----------



## InfinityCollision

extend to infinity said:


> When I read that I wondered if you guys pay the billl when you ask a girl out for a date? I mean, as a student it might be really tough to do that.... but on the other hand I would feel kinda cheap if I didn't....



If it's a casual first outing, coffee or such, I might split it. Otherwise I play it by ear but usually default to covering the bill. If they offer to split or pay next time, cool. Financial independence is a good thing


----------



## DoomJazz

extend to infinity said:


> When I read that I wondered if you guys pay the billl when you ask a girl out for a date? I mean, as a student it might be really tough to do that.... but on the other hand I would feel kinda cheap if I didn't....



She's not worth keeping if she doesn't split the bill regularly 

If you're just trying to get a lay, chances are, you'll have to pay.


----------



## UnderTheSign

extend to infinity said:


> When I read that I wondered if you guys pay the billl when you ask a girl out for a date? I mean, as a student it might be really tough to do that.... but on the other hand I would feel kinda cheap if I didn't....


I usually pay (or if we're at a bar - at least the first round) and often the girl will order the second round and pay for that or she'll offer to split the bill. In the case of my current gf, that meant/means having me pay, her asking how much it was then shoving money in my hands


----------



## vilk

extend to infinity said:


> When I read that I wondered if you guys pay the billl when you ask a girl out for a date? I mean, as a student it might be really tough to do that.... but on the other hand I would feel kinda cheap if I didn't....



It depends on whether or not you want to have sex with her.

Yes --> Pay

No --> split the bill


Unless you really think you've got her in the bag for whatever reason. Then you can probably get away with it. But if she's on the fence about whether to go home with you that night you best be payin.


----------



## MFB

baron samedi said:


> It depends on whether or not you want to have sex with her.
> 
> Yes --> Pay
> 
> No --> split the bill
> 
> 
> Unless you really think you've got her in the bag for whatever reason. Then you can probably get away with it. But if she's on the fence about whether to go home with you that night you best be payin.



What happens if you want it to be a first date for a relationship? 

Hate to throw a kink into your black-or-white pay scenario but it had to be said


----------



## InfinityCollision

What the hell kind of indecisive woman hasn't made up her mind about you by the time the check arrives? Her mind's gonna be made up one way or another long before then unless you royally screw up.


----------



## vilk

MFB said:


> What happens if you want it to be a first date for a relationship?
> 
> Hate to throw a kink into your black-or-white pay scenario but it had to be said


 I know lots of people who would argue against it, but I usually try to sleep with a girl on the first date _especially_ if I'd like to eventually make it a relationship  I guess to me banging out on a girl is one of the ways I can present my worth. Actually, I've had a couple situations where the girl wasn't interested in dating me _until_ I had sex with them. My personal belief is that it works in your favor to bang a girl on the first date (just so long as you do it right)--in fact, I actually don't fully understand the logic behind not doing that... is the idea that girls feel guilty/slutty and don't want to meet someone who they slept with on the first date? Because either that's usually not true or most of my female friends just don't have those kind of hangups.


----------



## flint757

It's _usually_ not the guy who gets weird about relationships involving when sex does or doesn't occur. It is usually the woman. In saying that there are a WIDE variety of opinions on the matter and ultimately I find it is _usually_ left in their hands.

I personally have no opinion on appropriate time frames for sex. If it happens on the first date great, if not all well. Either way it doesn't color my opinion on the relationship. Some women though, and even some guys, think it makes someone look not worth being in a relationship with. I don't get that logic though if everything else on the date was going well.


----------



## Mexi

So I had my date last night and I'm not quite sure what to make of it. 

Right from the get-go, she kind of put the kibosh on my post-dinner walk through the park cause of the cold (even though she said she'd bundle up for it) so that kind of threw me off.

Dinner went pretty well, there was some good back and forth, I didn't talk too much and made her laugh a few times. we talked from a whole range of shit, though she had a tendency to steer the convo in a pretty serious directions (her brother might be going to jail...again, darfur genocide and omegle racism directed at her roommate, to name a few) But sometimes when I'd start talking, she would often start looking around, almost like she was bored. ugh.

one thing that stuck out to me was that when I briefly mentioned how I was super awkward in high school, she joked: "you're still awkward!" and I joked back: "just a _little_" but it got me thinking about how I came off to her. Honestly, it has been years since I've been on a date and that comment just made me think that I probably came off awkward and beta as fvck. damn it.

she said she ate a *little* before dinner, and didn't feel up for dessert (sigh). Oh and she went out to a party the night before and was _really tired _too so I could take a hint when she's done for the night (sigh x2)_. _So I got the check and we walked back to her apartment. a pretty nice conversation, minimal awkward silences. I said I had a great night, she said "thanks for dinner" (not what I was hoping to hear but okay) and I asked her if we could get together again, do something more indoors-y and she said sure.

I would have kissed her goodnight, but it didn't feel right, what with a dude rifling a garbage can next to us and the overall lack of physical contact throughout the evening so we hugged and she went home. I can't help shake this unease I feel about how the night went. I'm 99% sure I'm overthinking the hell out of this, because she seems like a genuine enough person to tell me straight up that there's no connection between us, but fvck if I know these days.

I sent her a text last night about how I had a good night, how my original plan was probably too ambitious and that I'd like to get together again after the holidays. that in of itself was probably stupid as hell (thank you cannabis), but hey, you don't stay single this long without reason.

whether she texts back to that or not, I'll stay in touch with her throughout the holidays and plan up a solid date #2 (something WAY more fun than dinner) and work on not being beta and awkward.../sigh. if things don't click by then, then that's it I guess. no point in forcing something that isn't there.


----------



## flint757

I wouldn't entirely blame yourself. It sounds like she adjusted the plans before you even had a chance to screw it up. 

That is some odd first date conversation on her end. I'm all for open and intellectual conversation, but a date should be a little bet more peppy than genocide.  If she thinks some of the things she did were acceptable it is safe to say that she is a bit awkward herself. Would have been a good comeback actually when she said you're awkward. Women typically like that kind of playful banter. Text after the date was probably not the best idea.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Mexi said:


> omegle racism


  Off topic but what's Omegle and ehat does it have to with racism?


----------



## Mexi

she was with her friend on omegle (online video chat, like chatroulette) and random dudes were going off on her friend for being a black girl and went into racial stereotypes. needless to say, it wasn't the best date topic of conversation, but it came and went, but it stuck out as a tad weird..along with the genocide, krokodil and all that.

I should add, an uncle of mine passed away a little under a week ago and that's been on my mind, so I think that may have contributed to not being my usual self on my first date in years. I would have canceled but I didn't want to look like a flake (though she would have understood the reason) and I was just really looking forward to it. I figured getting to know someone new would be a great way to help get my mind off things. In retrospect, I probably should have rescheduled until I wasn't in a weird place psychologically and emotionally (which probably contributed to the emotional/physical distance last night)

I'm probably going to give it some time before I text her again, but should I bring that up? to maybe give context on where my mind was at, or just go on like nothing?


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Mexi said:


> she was with her friend on omegle (online video chat, like chatroulette) and random dudes were going off on her friend for being a black girl and went into racial stereotypes. needless to say, it wasn't the best date topic of conversation, but it came and went, but it stuck out as a tad weird..along with the genocide, krokodil and all that.
> 
> I should add, an uncle of mine passed away a little under a week ago and that's been on my mind, so I think that may have contributed to not being my usual self on my first date in years. I would have canceled but I didn't want to look like a flake (though she would have understood the reason) and I was just really looking forward to it. I figured getting to know someone new would be a great way to help get my mind off things. In retrospect, I probably should have rescheduled until I wasn't in a weird place psychologically and emotionally (which probably contributed to the emotional/physical distance last night)
> 
> I'm probably going to give it some time before I text her again, but should I bring that up? to maybe give context on where my mind was at, or just go on like nothing?


I'd bring it up so she'd understand where you were mentally and plus that may spark some emotional connections, plus it's a something interesting to talk about, even though the subject may be a bit grim. And I never heard of Omegle is it like Chat Roulette, and what's up with all the racism there is it a racist site in general?


----------



## flint757

Mexi said:


> she was with her friend on omegle (online video chat, like chatroulette) and random dudes were going off on her friend for being a black girl and went into racial stereotypes. needless to say, it wasn't the best date topic of conversation, but it came and went, but it stuck out as a tad weird..along with the genocide, krokodil and all that.
> 
> I should add, an uncle of mine passed away a little under a week ago and that's been on my mind, so I think that may have contributed to not being my usual self on my first date in years. I would have canceled but I didn't want to look like a flake (though she would have understood the reason) and I was just really looking forward to it. I figured getting to know someone new would be a great way to help get my mind off things. In retrospect, I probably should have rescheduled until I wasn't in a weird place psychologically and emotionally (which probably contributed to the emotional/physical distance last night)
> 
> I'm probably going to give it some time before I text her again, but should I bring that up? to maybe give context on where my mind was at, or just go on like nothing?



I wouldn't bring it up unless it comes up or she directly states she is questioning seeing you again because the first date mojo was low. If she is responsive and accepts a second date I wouldn't bother bringing it up.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Mexi said:


> she was with her friend on omegle (online video chat, like chatroulette) and random dudes were going off on her friend for being a black girl and went into racial stereotypes. needless to say, it wasn't the best date topic of conversation, but it came and went, but it stuck out as a tad weird..along with the genocide, krokodil and all that.
> 
> I should add, an uncle of mine passed away a little under a week ago and that's been on my mind, so I think that may have contributed to not being my usual self on my first date in years. I would have canceled but I didn't want to look like a flake (though she would have understood the reason) and I was just really looking forward to it. I figured getting to know someone new would be a great way to help get my mind off things. In retrospect, I probably should have rescheduled until I wasn't in a weird place psychologically and emotionally (which probably contributed to the emotional/physical distance last night)
> 
> I'm probably going to give it some time before I text her again, but should I bring that up? to maybe give context on where my mind was at, or just go on like nothing?


Don't do it.Women may view that as a liability in the relationship.She might think,"He's depressed because his uncle passed away;he's not my mess to clean up."Then,you have to start looking elsewhere because that's all she wrote...


----------



## Mexi

thanks for the tips, I won't bring that up. in fact, she sent me a text earlier. 

she said she "definitely" wants to hang out again but "is in a weird place with intimacy". she said she could sense that I wanted a kiss but that she "can't let herself become attached in a way like that". she said she knows that's kind of ....ed up but thats where her head is at.

I get the sense that she's wary of a potentially emotionally-damaging scenario with a guy, especially having just moved into a new place, found a sense of stability with her work, etc. Honestly, with any luck I'll be in grad school in another city next fall, so I'm in no real position to commit to anything remotely long-term or stable. She isn't looking to settle down either but is being practical.

That said, we seem to genuinely enjoy each others' company and I think without throwing on this pressure of having to act like I'm courting her then I can be more like myself. I'd honestly prefer knowing her as a friend then as a brief hookup (if those are the hypothetical choices here) cause she's legitimately a super-cool chick, and I really don't know enough girls like that.

thoughts?


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Approach the relationship as more of a friendship if all you want to do is be friends.Let everything just flow...


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Obsidian Soul said:


> Approach the relationship as more of a friendship if all you want to do is be friends.Let everything just flow...


I'm 100% sure he wants to be more than friends. Did you read any of his posts?


----------



## MFB

joshuavsoapkid said:


> I'm 100% sure he wants to be more than friends. Did you read any of his posts?



Doesn't change the fact that if he approaches it as a friendship it might makes things flow more smoothly instead of thinking of it immediately as a relationship when tends to make most people .... it up in the early stages. The end goal is still poonani, he's just changing the approach not the destination.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

MFB said:


> Doesn't change the fact that if he approaches it as a friendship it might makes things flow more smoothly instead of thinking of it immediately as a relationship when tends to make most people .... it up in the early stages. The end goal is still poonani, he's just changing the approach not the destination.


 True. and  you said poonani


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Having a weird issue, definitely a question for veterans and pros...

So I havent been too hot with the ladies in previous years, but for some reason lately they like me. Two in particular that I have been regularly hooking up with/having sex with have me totally going nuts... They are both friends, and they both know that eachother is having sex with me, and I really would like to go to the next level with either, as in date or at least just have a steady hookup with some strings attached... I am attracted towards monogamy. 

The first girl is real chill, she is way into alot of Dream Theater, Symphony X, Hammerfall, and ELP so we get along well with music shit. Shes also from Burma which is cool. We started hooking up and shit and she began contacting me like 24/7 via phone/social media, but then one weekend she kind of cold shouldered me and ....ed my friend 2 nights in a row... I talked to her about it and she said she has no feelings for me like that and wants to keep her options open. Cool I guess?? So I stopped talking to her, and she went back to being all over me and contacting me 24/7... I guess as long as I dont humor her or try to pursue her she wants me.

The other girl is real awkward. Shes from China and doesnt have as much in common with me, but shes been there for me in some shitty times and often gives me shit for free (beer, unmentionable tobacco substitutes, etc.) but shes kind of a huge bitch to me. We've hooked up a few times and shes SO weird afterwards... and if I have sex with her she's always super into it but a huge bitch afterwards... she's always mean to me if I text her or FB chat her, and is often mean in general, though I cant tell if she's joking or just socially awkward.

I like both of these girls enough... and I get strong vibes that they like me often, but neither seem willing to go farther with it all (the first one has told me she isnt, and the second one is too cold to me alot for me to even bring it up). The fact that they both know about eachother makes me feel like they might just have me at their disposal, but I happen to know Im the only dude in girl #2s life in that sense. At this point I'd rather be with her, but girl #1 is so much chiller and receptive to me, and has so much more in common with me, though shes clear about wanting to have sex with other dudes. Girl 2 treats me like shit often, but I really feel like she MUST deep down feel something for me... though I could be very wrong about that. I am a novice to this whole game.

I am a junior in college if that changes anything. Im on break and considering buying girl #2 a gift (some expensive tea, shes into tea) and telling her that Im actually into her when I get off break... but shouldnt that be obvious?? The first girl is my age (20), but the second girl is a second semester senior and 2 years older than me, so we couldnt work long time (we go to school in Ohio, and come the end of the year she's going back to CA).

I know most dudes would take the sex and be happy, but both of these girls make me really happy and I go crazy wondering why neither seem to want to take it further :/

Edit: For the record I am slightly drunk so please excuse any grammar errors, but the point remains the same. Also... God send JohnIce!!!


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Mexi said:


> I'd honestly prefer knowing her as a friend then as a brief hookup (if those are the hypothetical choices here) cause she's legitimately a super-cool chick, and I really don't know enough girls like that.


I'm 100% sure he wants to be more than friends. Did you read any of his posts?

Indeed I have and apparently more meticulously than you...
I do not know how to double+ quote...


----------



## flint757

Obsidian Soul said:


> I'm 100% sure he wants to be more than friends. Did you read any of his posts?
> 
> Indeed I have and apparently more meticulously than you...
> I do not know how to double+ quote...



The quotation marks next to the quote button. Select it for each post you want to quote and then click the reply button.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

PyramidSmasher said:


> Edit: For the record I am slightly drunk so please excuse any grammar errors, but the point remains the same. Also... God send JohnIce!!!


Somebody please get JohnIce!My man has two sets of walls he's banging but no sugar love coming out!!!!


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Obsidian Soul said:


> Somebody please get JohnIce!My man has two sets of walls he's banging but no sugar love coming out!!!!



What you just said is actually probably all I needed to say  You have a way with words...


----------



## Mexi

Obsidian Soul said:


> Approach the relationship as more of a friendship if all you want to do is be friends.Let everything just flow...



Indeed, and I think that's where this is headed. She said she's cool with hanging out again and has "really enjoyed our conversations thus far _so let's at least keep that going_"

I'm interpreting that as she would prefer keeping things more platonic, at least for the time being. A part of me prefers keeping things that way, to be honest. Re-adjusting my expectations puts way less pressure on me, especially after having spent so much time away from the dating game. maybe it would make more sense to develop stronger friendships with women so that I could ease myself back into the dating scene without all the michael cera-like awkward

Also, I think because of our *very* different respective life situations, an actual relationship likely not work out and a short-term fling probably would be more emotionally hurtful than the gains from casual sex. Either way, I'm definitely going to be more proactive in just meeting more people, cause dating really is a numbers game. I guess I kind of forgot that


----------



## piggins411

PyramidSmasher said:


> stuff



I would say leave them be. It doesn't seem like either one of them is a good idea to pursue, especially the one who is a "huge bitch" to you. Is that really someone you want to be in a relationship with? If you're going to go after one of them, at least choose the first one. WARNING: I am neither a pro nor a veteran like you asked for, so take this with a grain of salt


----------



## InfinityCollision

PyramidSmasher said:


> I guess as long as I dont humor her or try to pursue her she wants me.


Welcome to the game.



piggins411 said:


> I would say leave them be. It doesn't seem like either one of them is a good idea to pursue, especially the one who is a "huge bitch" to you. Is that really someone you want to be in a relationship with? If you're going to go after one of them, at least choose the first one.



All of this. Enjoy the sex, do not attempt to force a relationship from either party, and definitely do not pursue the second girl.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

InfinityCollision said:


> Welcome to the game.
> 
> 
> 
> All of this. Enjoy the sex, do not attempt to force a relationship from either party, and definitely do not pursue the second girl.



RIGHT ON.

It's hard... I am new to this and the second girl seems unnaturally hot to be wanting to have anything to do with me, so I am weak willed


----------



## Obsidian Soul

InfinityCollision said:


> Welcome to the game.
> 
> 
> 
> All of this. Enjoy the sex, do not attempt to force a relationship from either party, and definitely do not pursue the second girl.


I think the second girl is reluctantly having sex with him.She seems to have her mean spells after sex.Maybe the other girl is indirectly forcing her to have sex,or maybe she is upset because she is catching feelings...


----------



## soliloquy

...i miss my ex. i miss hearing/feeling her heart beat, or share the air. i miss having her by my side, or always there when i called. 
part of me keeps thinking if a second shot is worth it. be were compatible on so many levels. our intellect, sense of humour, our vision for the future, culture, family views, kids, food, movies, life, finances, etc...everything was so perfect. we had one small thing and it crumbled.

but then i think of the reason why it crumbled and am quickly reminded that a relapse wont be a good thing. 

i like commitments. i like having something/one all to myself. i'm just coming to terms with having committed six years to the person that wasn't it. 

but it also scares me that what if i dont find another person that i'm THAT compatible with? what if the person i find i'm only half compatible with and i'm settling to eradicate the solitude and rut of it all.


----------



## spadz93

soliloquy said:


> ...i miss my ex. i miss hearing/feeling her heart beat, or share the air. i miss having her by my side, or always there when i called.
> part of me keeps thinking if a second shot is worth it. be were compatible on so many levels. our intellect, sense of humour, our vision for the future, culture, family views, kids, food, movies, life, finances, etc...everything was so perfect. we had one small thing and it crumbled.
> 
> but then i think of the reason why it crumbled and am quickly reminded that a relapse wont be a good thing.
> 
> i like commitments. i like having something/one all to myself. i'm just coming to terms with having committed six years to the person that wasn't it.
> 
> but it also scares me that what if i dont find another person that i'm THAT compatible with? what if the person i find i'm only half compatible with and i'm settling to eradicate the solitude and rut of it all.



i know that place. im a creature of commitment, and can't seem to find anyone worthwhile, and the only person i would consider worthwhile is being reluctant to even giving me a shot. i'm pretty sure shes even told a mutual friend or two that she likes me. oh well. im booked to open for huge national acts at starland ballroom and i'm the happy owner of a new certified pre-owned 2010 camaro. i'll be happy with what i've got, not miserable for what i dont. all good will come in time


----------



## flint757

soliloquy said:


> ...i miss my ex. i miss hearing/feeling her heart beat, or share the air. i miss having her by my side, or always there when i called.
> part of me keeps thinking if a second shot is worth it. be were compatible on so many levels. our intellect, sense of humour, our vision for the future, culture, family views, kids, food, movies, life, finances, etc...everything was so perfect. we had one small thing and it crumbled.
> 
> but then i think of the reason why it crumbled and am quickly reminded that a relapse wont be a good thing.
> 
> i like commitments. i like having something/one all to myself. i'm just coming to terms with having committed six years to the person that wasn't it.
> 
> but it also scares me that what if i dont find another person that i'm THAT compatible with? what if the person i find i'm only half compatible with and i'm settling to eradicate the solitude and rut of it all.



All that thinking is going to do is bring you down. You can't and won't know what the future holds for you. You can only just live in the present and hope for the best. There are way too many people in the world for you to not find someone just as special. Keep the faith.


----------



## soliloquy

spadz93 said:


> i know that place. im a creature of commitment, and can't seem to find anyone worthwhile, and the only person i would consider worthwhile is being reluctant to even giving me a shot. i'm pretty sure shes even told a mutual friend or two that she likes me. oh well. im booked to open for huge national acts at starland ballroom and i'm the happy owner of a new certified pre-owned 2010 camaro. i'll be happy with what i've got, not miserable for what i dont. all good will come in time



what irritates me is that my friends keep saying that i have them, so no need for relapse. i appreciate my friends, but whats missing is that every little thing i do, regardless of how insignificant it is becomes SO much more significant if its an experience that you share with someone. you walk to work, and to friends, its just a story about how you walked to work. however, that conversation is drastically different if its with a partner. 

job interviews, promotions, raises, vacations, injuries, sickness etc...it really isn't the same unless you're in a relationship (granted with a person you care, and that cares for you). 

oh well...heres to 2014 being my year!


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Obsidian Soul said:


> I think the second girl is reluctantly having sex with him.She seems to have her mean spells after sex.Maybe the other girl is indirectly forcing her to have sex,or maybe she is upset because she is catching feelings...



From a first hand perspective I think the fact that she's a graduating senior bars her from thinking about me as anything other than someone she can .... for the next 4.5 months and not have to talk to any other dudes (shes socially awkward as ....) and then never have to see again. Sucks, in a different time and place Im sure itd be different.

Honestly you guys's response here has got my head clear about it, I didn't have lot of exposure to girls in this context until recently, and there's no reason I should feel the need to date the first thing that comes my way, especially when both cases have spelled out very clearly that trying to do so would be a poor choice.


----------



## -42-

PyramidSmasher said:


> !



It seems pretty obvious that the reason neither has been receptive to actually dating you is because you seem perfectly content just screwing them. That would be all well and good but it seems like you want something a bit less superficial than easy sex. 

I'd say you have three basic options: 
- Keep things as they are and hope that it doesn't blow up in your face
- Pursue one (and only one) of them
- Get out before it explodes in your face


----------



## DoomJazz

soliloquy said:


> ...i miss my ex. i miss hearing/feeling her heart beat, or share the air. i miss having her by my side, or always there when i called.
> part of me keeps thinking if a second shot is worth it. be were compatible on so many levels. our intellect, sense of humour, our vision for the future, culture, family views, kids, food, movies, life, finances, etc...everything was so perfect. we had one small thing and it crumbled.
> 
> but then i think of the reason why it crumbled and am quickly reminded that a relapse wont be a good thing.
> 
> i like commitments. i like having something/one all to myself. i'm just coming to terms with having committed six years to the person that wasn't it.
> 
> but it also scares me that what if i dont find another person that i'm THAT compatible with? what if the person i find i'm only half compatible with and i'm settling to eradicate the solitude and rut of it all.



I'm in that boat, or at least, it's a diminishing feeling. 

There is always someone out there that is better, and that might be hard to think, but the things that made her unique were not exclusive to her. Keep your eyes peeled, you're bound to find someone soon, especially if you aren't looking.


----------



## soliloquy

DoomJazz said:


> I'm in that boat, or at least, it's a diminishing feeling.
> 
> There is always someone out there that is better, and that might be hard to think, but the things that made her unique were not exclusive to her. Keep your eyes peeled, you're bound to find someone soon, especially if you aren't looking.



I personally dont believe in soul mates. I think anyone can get along with anyone - some moreso than others. With that said, im just afraid of finding the next person, or string of people, with whom im compatible with only 20-50% with while my ex and i were compatible at about 90% or so.

That is a hard pill to swallow

And i never look for people. My belief is that if shes the right person, eventually our paths will connect where everything just falls into place perfectly


----------



## AndruwX

I had sex


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

AndruwX said:


> I had sex


----------



## -42-

AndruwX said:


> I had sex



Three words I never thought I'd see in this thread.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

-42- said:


> Three words I never thought I'd see in this thread.


I guess the goal of this thread has been completed, LOCK HER UP MODS!


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

joshuavsoapkid said:


> dat gif



XD I just used that gif like a page ago. That's a gif you can only use every hundred or so pages due to its magnificence. Too much magnificence in close proximity 

But seriously congrats AndruwX.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

So in an effort to get out of the social circles I normally run in, I put my reservations about online dating aside and checked out an online dating site that a friend of mine is on. Within the first two pages of profiles I scrolled through, I came across my most recent ex and a girl I had a short (and very stupid) thing with last year. 

I noped right the fvck out of there.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Ocara-Jacob said:


> XD I just used that gif like a page ago. That's a gif you can only use every hundred or so pages due to its magnificence. Too much magnificence in close proximity
> 
> But seriously congrats AndruwX.


Yeah that gif is so full of win.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

JeffFromMtl said:


> So in an effort to get out of the social circles in normally run in, I put my reservations about online dating aside and checked out an online dating site that a friend of mine is on. Within the first two pages of profiles I scrolled through, I came across my most recent ex and a girl I had a short (and very stupid) thing with last year.
> 
> I noped right the fvck out of there.


I did that a lot when I would be on FB and see a chick I was trying to avoid was online.


----------



## spadz93

alright im pulling the .... it card, and going for the lovely neighbor girl. i have a final tomorrow night at around 6, and afterwards im not doing anything. where do i take her, just out to eat somewhere and foot the bill, or have something more interesting? circumstances between us is that we've been friends for a while, but more recently i'm trying to make more of a move and shoot for a relationship, but don't want to come on too strong. what's the ideal thing to do here... i've been out of the dating game for too long


----------



## Obsidian Soul

AndruwX said:


> I had sex


You don't count;you already had a girlfriend...


----------



## Leveebreaks

PyramidSmasher said:


> unmentionable tobacco substitutes...... I know most dudes would take the sex and be happy, but both of these girls make me really happy and I go crazy wondering why neither seem to want to take it further :/


 
Bin them both off as far as sex goes, neither will end up in a happy place. Keep the supply of unmentionable tobacco substitutes though, lord knows it sounds like you need it.


----------



## -42-

spadz93 said:


> stuff



Take her out for coffee.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

soliloquy said:


> And i never look for people. My belief is that if shes the right person, eventually our paths will connect where everything just falls into place perfectly



my worst moments with women came from looking. 

also started dating the cute red head from school. we both talked and figured we wanted something long term. she still lives in jersey, so we're gonna do the long distance thing as long as we can. ideally, i would move closer to her, since new york is a much bigger media market than rhode island is and it would be a huge upgrade for me news station wise


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Ibanezsam4 said:


> my worst moments with women came from looking.
> 
> also started dating the cute red head from school. we both talked and figured we wanted something long term. she still lives in jersey, so we're gonna do the long distance thing as long as we can. ideally, i would move closer to her, since new york is a much bigger media market than rhode island is and it would be a huge upgrade for me news station wise


Do it for the reason that she's a redhead alone.


----------



## spadz93

-42- said:


> Take her out for coffee.



neither of us are coffee people, so that's out


----------



## Konfyouzd

Order tea


----------



## Discoqueen

Go to a frozen yogurt shop?


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Discoqueen said:


> Go to a frozen yogurt shop?


Even better.


----------



## spadz93

Discoqueen said:


> Go to a frozen yogurt shop?



genius. gonna see if she bites since its freezing in our area lmao


----------



## Discoqueen




----------



## icos211

Ibanezsam4 said:


> my worst moments with women came from looking.
> 
> also started dating the cute red head from school. we both talked and figured we wanted something long term. she still lives in jersey, so we're gonna do the long distance thing as long as we can. ideally, i would move closer to her, since new york is a much bigger media market than rhode island is and it would be a huge upgrade for me news station wise





joshuavsoapkid said:


> Do it for the reason that she's a redhead alone.



What he said. This sexy ass gene is dying out. Get on that shit. Breed, damn you! BREED!


----------



## spadz93

icos211 said:


> What he said. This sexy ass gene is dying out. Get on that shit. Breed, damn you! BREED!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Sexy redhead on the bus has been sitting next to me more often... I try to fit in little bits of conversation here and there where I can but it never really gets much farther than small talk at the moment... But we *are* at least speaking a little bit... 

Damn she looks good...


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Konfyouzd said:


> Sexy redhead on the bus has been sitting next to me more often... I try to fit in little bits of conversation here and there where I can but it never really gets much farther than small talk at the moment... But we *are* at least speaking a little bit...
> 
> Damn she looks good...


YESSSSSSS!!!!


----------



## icos211

Konfyouzd said:


> Sexy redhead on the bus has been sitting next to me more often... I try to fit in little bits of conversation here and there where I can but it never really gets much farther than small talk at the moment... But we *are* at least speaking a little bit...
> 
> Damn she looks good...



Must I repeat myself?






BREED


----------



## DoomJazz

I'm here in Texas, and I'm wondering why there's quadruple the amount of good looking girls here than in Illinois...

Hopefully I'll be posting some naughty shit in the next few days.


----------



## icos211

DoomJazz said:


> I'm here in Texas, and I'm wondering why there's quadruple the amount of good looking girls here than in Illinois...
> 
> Hopefully I'll be posting some naughty shit in the next few days.



Welcome to Texas. That's just how it is here.


----------



## AndruwX

Take her to a guitar center, bro.
Grab a guitar and play that fretboard as it was her body, bro.
You'll inspire her...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Excessive use of the word bro is excessive


----------



## flint757

Went to Michaels (art store) to buy my moms Christmas gift today and while standing in line these 2 guys around my age were in line in front of me. There were 2 girls in front of them and a girl our age at the cash register too. Anyhow, these 2 guys, one definitely not 'dressed to impress' the other looking and sounding nerdier than ever, were talking about their lack of a dating life for a long while. I thought to myself that was a rather odd conversation to have in the middle of a store next to 3 hot chicks. Wasn't quite sure where they were going with that and then when they get to the counter they pull out their velcro wallets and the dude pays with a $100. The other guy then talks about how he shouldn't keep all his $100's in his wallet and that he's left his elsewhere lol. This whole time I'm thinking to myself they wouldn't know how to be cool and aloof if someone stood there and showed them. None of the chicks were obviously interested in their 'flashiness' and I thought to myself I can do better than that without saying anything at all.  



...and I got the cashier flirting with me with minimal effort whatsoever. I just found the whole incident rather hilarious.


----------



## Xaios

When cash registers start flirting with you, it's time to check your deodorant.


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## flint757

<sniff sniff>

Nope, all good here.


----------



## Church2224

flint757 said:


> Went to Michaels (art store) to buy my moms Christmas gift today and while standing in line these 2 guys around my age were in line in front of me. There were 2 girls in front of them and a girl our age at the cash register too. Anyhow, these 2 guys, one definitely not 'dressed to impress' the other looking and sounding nerdier than ever, were talking about their lack of a dating life for a long while. I thought to myself that was a rather odd conversation to have in the middle of a store next to 3 hot chicks. Wasn't quite sure where they were going with that and then when they get to the counter they pull out their Velcro wallets and the dude pays with a $100. The other guy then talks about how he shouldn't keep all his $100's in his wallet and that he's left his elsewhere lol. This whole time I'm thinking to myself they wouldn't know how to be cool and aloof if someone stood there and showed them. None of the chicks were obviously interested in their 'flashiness' and I thought to myself I can do better than that without saying anything at all.
> 
> 
> 
> ...and I got the cashier flirting with me with minimal effort whatsoever. I just found the whole incident rather hilarious.



Some guys just do not have a clue 

That being said...it amazes me how these "thug" looking guys have tons of women flocking to them as if they were the greatest things on earth and they turn out to be drop outs, drug dealers, felons, ect. (Mysterious my ass these guys are dangerous...)

I did start getting a lot more attention when I went from looking like a redneck 90 percent of the time to having some class.


----------



## RagtimeDandy

My love life has been a constantly fluctuating and evolving relationship with one girl over the past 4 years. It's really interesting to see how much both of you have changed and influenced each other as a result of being together.


----------



## texshred777

icos211 said:


> Welcome to Texas. That's just how it is here.



Yes. It. Is.


----------



## Church2224

So apparently my friend's really cute coworker has a big crush on me and wants to go out sometime. Cool thing about this girl is she is 24, and I am 22, so hopefully she is a little more mature than the girls I have tried dating in the past who were 18/19.


----------



## flint757

I find it so much easier to have good conversations in person or on the phone than in a message/email/text, especially when waiting a day or 2 between responses. The more mundane questions start to make the conversation boring (especially since it is drawn out) whereas in person you can blaze through them and mix it up a bit. How the .... are you supposed to get details to build interesting conversation off of when you have to go through the mundane bullshit first which inevitably leaves both parties disinterested.

/slightly annoyed


That is all. 

On the plus side I seem to be doing something right with the way my profile is setup. Back to dating in the real world for now.


----------



## piggins411

^ Just send pics of your genitals. That'll change the tone of the conversation fairly quickly


----------



## flint757

.....



I'll pass, but you're right it'd definitely change the tone of the conversation.


----------



## AndruwX

flint757 said:


> .....
> 
> 
> 
> I'll pass, but you're right it'd definitely change the tone of the conversation.



It actually does.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Church2224 said:


> So apparently my friend's really cute coworker has a big crush on me and wants to go out sometime. Cool thing about this girl is she is 24, and I am 22, so hopefully she is a little more mature than the girls I have tried dating in the past who were 18/19.



girls aren't mature at 18/19


----------



## Mexi

Ibanezsam4 said:


> people aren't mature at 18/19



fixed


----------



## Church2224

Ibanezsam4 said:


> girls aren't mature at 18/19



This is the most true statement I have ever heard.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Ibanezsam4 said:


> girls aren't mature at 18/19


They always playin dem games


----------



## ShredBorland

So this girl and I've been texting/talking everyday past six months,I went to meet her as we did end up going on a date,she was pretty cool and were getting serious about each other also I've been single past year and a half before this, but then as I moved away to another country to finish my grad school for a year, so its been kinda rough and now she seems disinterested in me like I am the only one calling/skyping/texting her first and last week she told me its not gonna work out not because long distance but because she only like "musicians who gig often".also she's pretty popular on the internet on music scene and apparently has a lot of guys after her,she's been hanging out with a big name in my country's music scene and I happen to give playing music a rest to finish grad school.I really like her but this absurd reason just left me a bad taste in my mouth,I do not exactly know how to cope up with this its been on my mind ever since ,beer helps but ya know.and I kinda seems disinterested with the women around me currently.any advices bromies?


----------



## Obsidian Soul

ShredBorland said:


> So this girl and I've been texting/talking everyday past six months,I went to meet her as we did end up going on a date,she was pretty cool and were getting serious about each other also I've been single past year and a half before this, but then as I moved away to another country to finish my grad school for a year, so its been kinda rough and now she seems disinterested in me like I am the only one calling/skyping/texting her first and last week she told me its not gonna work out not because long distance but because she only like "musicians who gig often".also she's pretty popular on the internet on music scene and apparently has a lot of guys after her,she's been hanging out with a big name in my country's music scene and I happen to give playing music a rest to finish grad school.I really like her but this absurd reason just left me a bad taste in my mouth,I do not exactly know how to cope up with this its been on my mind ever since ,beer helps but ya know.and I kinda seems disinterested with the women around me currently.any advices bromies?


That's such a weak excuse.She's not speaking the truth;the truth is that she wants someone nearby to bust nuts inside her and leave nothing's but nuts hanging out. #hodgetwins


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Obsidian Soul said:


> That's such a weak excuse.She's not speaking the truth;the truth is that she wants someone nearby to bust nuts inside her and leave nothing's but nuts hanging out. #hodgetwins


 I love those guys. She wants this:


----------



## MarkMIBG

Hey guys! I'm from Texas and pretty new to the site, but if anyone is interested in checking out some music from down here I play guitar in a San Antonio metal band called Memories In Broken Glass. We had the privilege to compete in the finals for a contract on Sumerian Records this past November and we love what we do. 

www.facebook.com/memoriesinbrokenglass

Just happy I get to talk to other musicians online!


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

MarkMIBG said:


> Hey guys! I'm from Texas and pretty new to the site, but if anyone is interested in checking out some music from down here I play guitar in a San Antonio metal band called Memories In Broken Glass. We had the privilege to compete in the finals for a contract on Sumerian Records this past November and we love what we do.
> 
> www.facebook.com/memoriesinbrokenglass
> 
> Just happy I get to talk to other musicians online!


Wrong section bro. Try the general music sub forum and then look at the stickied thread where evryone promotes there music projects.


----------



## neurosis

ShredBorland said:


> So this girl and I've been texting/talking everyday past six months,I went to meet her as we did end up going on a date,she was pretty cool and were getting serious about each other also I've been single past year and a half before this, but then as I moved away to another country to finish my grad school for a year, so its been kinda rough and now she seems disinterested in me like I am the only one calling/skyping/texting her first and last week she told me its not gonna work out not because long distance but because she only like "musicians who gig often".also she's pretty popular on the internet on music scene and apparently has a lot of guys after her,she's been hanging out with a big name in my country's music scene and I happen to give playing music a rest to finish grad school.I really like her but this absurd reason just left me a bad taste in my mouth,I do not exactly know how to cope up with this its been on my mind ever since ,beer helps but ya know.and I kinda seems disinterested with the women around me currently.any advices bromies?



I wonder how old you two are but that reason is so superficial I'd just tell her straight and go find someone else. Sometimes you need to put people in place. Even people you like. If she cares she'll call back. If not then you shouldn't care. Easier said than done.


----------



## ShredBorland

Obsidian Soul said:


> That's such a weak excuse.She's not speaking the truth;the truth is that she wants someone nearby to bust nuts inside her and leave nothing's but nuts hanging out. #hodgetwins




yeah even I thought so but considering she was so cool initially makes me wonder what went wrong,or am I taking this way too seriously? maybe because I've been single for a quite a while before her,I guess I have to move on no choice


----------



## ShredBorland

neurosis said:


> I wonder how old you two are but that reason is so superficial I'd just tell her straight and go find someone else. Sometimes you need to put people in place. Even people you like. If she cares she'll call back. If not then you shouldn't care. Easier said than done.



The worse part is she and I are both above 25 so pretty mature in terms of age but unfortunately not in terms of mindset,but my problem is I care too much.I guess you're right I need to man the .... up and be straight forward about this.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

ShredBorland said:


> yeah even I thought so but considering she was so cool initially makes me wonder what went wrong,or am I taking this way too seriously? maybe because I've been single for a quite a while before her,I guess I have to move on no choice



lame girl wants attention. dump her fookin ass, finish the more important thing in your life right now, attract really successful people, get a good job and a good girl, and then watch this one crawl back. 

IT. HAPPENS. EVERY. GODDAMN. TIME. 

you see, she's attracted to you, likes you, has feelings for you even. but she's got this cocked-up notion in her head that you have to fit her preconceived notion of success (apparently the key determinant is that you gig often.... so shallow). she is either too stupid, or too self centered to realize how awesome you are. because to realize this, would mean she would come into conflict with what she has set up in her head as the pinnacle of success; and selfish people dont like cognitive dissonance, especially internally. 

trust me, i was with a hot, and popular girl all summer (yours is a country musician, mine was a pageant winner). she liked everything about me, but she flat out told me "you're not at the point in your career where i'd consider being in a relationship with you". mind you i was in my last semester of school, was about to score a job (part-time but with the opportunity to move up) at a news station to become a writer. 

this irks me at a very basic level because if you gave me a million dollars i would be the same person. where you come from does not interest me, all that matters is how cool of a human being you are. and i expect to be evaluated the same way, i wanted her to think "y'know, he's everything i like, and yeah he isnt rolling in cash now, but he's worth the investment." 
like you, i didnt walk away. 

so after i got wise and called it quits with her, i finished school (a week ago) got a good reputation at work (almost everyone knows me) the producers i work for all know my name and that i work my butt off and take responsibility, im gunning for a better position right now, met a great girl (red head; need to breed), and suddenly who the f*ck is giving me hugs left and right when nobody is looking, invites me to her parents house constantly, wants me to play with her niece, and is trying to get me back into her circle? 

so dude, leave now, get yourself something secure you can be proud of, and just by the nature of your security, she will find you attractive again. but by then hopefully you've realized you already found something worth holding onto. 

rant off/


----------



## ShredBorland

Ibanezsam4 said:


> lame girl wants attention. dump her fookin ass, finish the more important thing in your life right now, attract really successful people, get a good job and a good girl, and then watch this one crawl back.
> 
> IT. HAPPENS. EVERY. GODDAMN. TIME.
> 
> you see, she's attracted to you, likes you, has feelings for you even. but she's got this cocked-up notion in her head that you have to fit her preconceived notion of success (apparently the key determinant is that you gig often.... so shallow). she is either too stupid, or too self centered to realize how awesome you are. because to realize this, would mean she would come into conflict with what she has set up in her head as the pinnacle of success; and selfish people dont like cognitive dissonance, especially internally.
> 
> trust me, i was with a hot, and popular girl all summer (yours is a country musician, mine was a pageant winner). she liked everything about me, but she flat out told me "you're not at the point in your career where i'd consider being in a relationship with you". mind you i was in my last semester of school, was about to score a job (part-time but with the opportunity to move up) at a news station to become a writer.
> 
> this irks me at a very basic level because if you gave me a million dollars i would be the same person. where you come from does not interest me, all that matters is how cool of a human being you are. and i expect to be evaluated the same way, i wanted her to think "y'know, he's everything i like, and yeah he isnt rolling in cash now, but he's worth the investment."
> like you, i didnt walk away.
> 
> so after i got wise and called it quits with her, i finished school (a week ago) got a good reputation at work (almost everyone knows me) the producers i work for all know my name and that i work my butt off and take responsibility, im gunning for a better position right now, met a great girl (red head; need to breed), and suddenly who the f*ck is giving me hugs left and right when nobody is looking, invites me to her parents house constantly, wants me to play with her niece, and is trying to get me back into her circle?
> 
> so dude, leave now, get yourself something secure you can be proud of, and just by the nature of your security, she will find you attractive again. but by then hopefully you've realized you already found something worth holding onto.
> 
> rant off/



I think I already got dumped she hasn't been talking lately, but yeah I need to focus on major things like finishing school and securing a great job and do hell with being a touring musician so that I could be her hero,
I play music because I love to,as simple as that.

But attracting successful people is easier said than done they don't appear out of nowhere,But I totally get what you mean,thanks for taking time out for typing a clear and constructive advice I can use.much appreciate


----------



## caskettheclown

Me and her connect better than i've ever experienced. She knows everything about me as I do her as well. She is beautiful and elegant yet has her quirks. Her voice is sweet as angels and as calm as the sea. I have never known such beauty nor shall I ever.

Sorry I was just staring at my guitar again....
I do love my girlfriend though, love her more with each passing day and we are doing wonderful.


ONTO a more serious note. My stepsister who is only 14 has started dating but she is a really good kid so I shouldn't have to worry much. She is currently hanging out with one of my old students. He is 15 and doesn't have much experience with girls at all since he has 2 brothers.I know he has a crush on her. I think he is a good kid and is harmless BUT I was 15 once so I shall be watching....

always.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

I don't really know where to start this possible paragraph or whatever hulking mess it may be after I'm done typing but pretty much I feel starved socially if you know what I mean. I've always had social anxiety and in the 7th grade it sort of reach a boiling point to where I stopped going to school for the rest of the year ( I stopped going February of 2010) and completed 7th grade at home doing school work from there. I lost contact with my 2 best friends and I speak to them every once in while but it hasn't really been the same since. 

The following school year I went to a new school and over the course of the 8th grade I worked with the school psychologist and slowly eased my back into a normal school schedule. Now I'm a very smart kid so with normal school hours I would be done with the work from the class I'd be in for the period pretty quickly and I would no longer have a distraction from the class room of 20+ students and my anxiety would set in again. I also couldn't really relate to anyone there as me loving metal/rock music and living in a inner city neighborhood coupled with being smart I got branded as a weird "metal nerd". The only thing that really made me happy during the school year was that I started guitar lessons to learn music theory and the experience of playing with another musician was awesome. Me and my teacher had similar taste in music, I played some shows with the other students it was so refreshing having conversations about bands, girls, sports etc.(more on this later) In The summer I finished the 9th I got referred to a Peer Education program by my counselor and I joined and met some awesome people we studied STD's and STI's and took trips to various places. I met people from the LGBT community, met doctors/nurses, worked at the local clinic and had a all around great time, it was the first in a long time where I felt "normal" and I gained control over my anxiety. When I went back to school that fall I was still the "weird" kid but I just focused on getting good grades. 

Until I had an altercation with another kid at school. Here's how the altercation happened: The bell rang the last period of the day and I and everyone went on our way to chemistry 5 minutes later most of settled into to our seats, the 2nd bell rang to signal the free period between classes had ended and the teacher began going over the days lesson when a kid on crutches late to class comes in and says I'm in his seat, I told him we don't have assigned seats go find another one, besides I've been here for 5 minutes and you just got here. Out of no where the kid starts raising his voice and threatens me with violence and I'm just sitting looking at him trying to stay calm, ( mind you the kid was on crutches) eventually security came and removed him from the classroom. Fast forward 10 minutes and I get called to the principles office where I tell her what happened and he tells her his version of the story, in the end I got a 1 day suspension while he gets a week. 

Fast forward 2 weeks later I began hearing people say he wanted to fight me and after a while I'd had enough and confronted him about it (he's off crutches at this point) We fight and after security breaks it up we sent to the principle again and due to neither one of us willing to resolve the situation(which I thought was bulls**t, why should I have to apologize to the person who started the whole thing.) We got longer suspensions, I at that point had enough and had my parents unenroll me from the school and found one where I could come to school two days a week and work from home for the other 5 I love the school's setup and it's allowed me to be able to graduate 1 year early as a result, the kids here a cool, but again nobody I've really gelled with. 

My time in the Peer Education program ended and all the kids involved in the program( we ranged from ages 15-18) either went to college or went back to their lives and we all ended our friendships at that. My parents filed their taxes together this year and as result I was no longer eligible to receive the price cut I had gotten since the 9th grade and guitar lessons had stop, the kids I would play with there all lived in the suburbs so visiting them or them visiting me to play would be impractical for our parents. Now to present day I've got a few things planned for next year such as going to the gym next month, being recording an album, graduating highschool/starting college, and hopefully with you guy's help/advice meet some new people I can gel with. sorry for the long ass passage


----------



## neurosis

ShredBorland said:


> The worse part is she and I are both above 25 so pretty mature in terms of age but unfortunately not in terms of mindset,but my problem is I care too much.I guess you're right I need to man the .... up and be straight forward about this.



I think it's really not a man up kind of thing. Even if it's causing you some insecurity and confusion it's pretty straight forward. Relationships work on communication. Since you care and she doesn't you can just tell her that you have a different mindset and can't be with somebody with her priorities. Simple as that. 

Go do your thing and find yourself a chick that's cool and cares. There is plenty of them. You just need to chill out and do your thing. That's always more attractive to anybody.


----------



## UnderTheSign

joshuavsoapkid said:


> I don't really know where to start this possible paragraph or whatever hulking mess it may be after I'm done typing but pretty much I feel starved socially if you know what I mean. /......... sorry for the long ass passage


I feel starved mentally already just looking at it... Please use your enter button


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

UnderTheSign said:


> I feel starved mentally already just looking at it... Please use your enter button


Better


----------



## AndruwX

I'm in the good way if I feel I'm starting to love her more and more everyday of my life?
Damn, that line is so cheese.


----------



## UnderTheSign

joshuavsoapkid said:


> Better


Haha, yeah! 

Spent all of Christmas and some more with my girlfriend, first time in years I've spent it with anyone other than my family. Feels good bro. Going away with her for a couple of days next week


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

UnderTheSign said:


> Haha, yeah!
> 
> Spent all of Christmas and some more with my girlfriend, first time in years I've spent it with anyone other than my family. Feels good bro. Going away with her for a couple of days next week


That's cool dude I've been spending too much time with my family. It's fun and all but I need to see other people.


----------



## DoomJazz

Anyone else got that Tinder App? I'm trying my hand at it now, it seems like it could work out well.


----------



## Konfyouzd

As I lose weight all women seem to become more friendly. Looks don't matter guys.


----------



## BrailleDecibel

She makes me so incredibly, speechlessly happy every day...like a lost man who found his way out of the desert and takes his first drink of the sweetest, most refreshing water he's ever had in all his days. The world can keep it's stinkin' money, because I feel like the richest man who ever walked the Earth.


EDIT: She just told me she loves me tonight for the first time. I've got absolutely no words right now.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Dafuq is happening to this thread? Everyone seems all happy and stuff.  This isn't the relationships thread I knew, you've changed man.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

BlackMastodon said:


> Dafuq is happening to this thread? Everyone seems all happy and stuff.  This isn't the relationships thread I knew, you've changed man.


Have you seen my post, I'm just masking the pain.


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## Skyblue

You know how it is when you meet a girl, she looks great, plays guitar, draws, you meet up this one time, a have a wonderful talk, everything's seems awesome, and then she "only sees you as a friend"? 

So yeah, bummer I guess  

Oh well, guess I'll keep looking...


----------



## Church2224

Got invited by a cute girl to spend New Years Eve with her, wish me luck guys.


----------



## soliloquy

so, i met this girl at work. super cute and pretty cool. down side, a) she cant carry a conversation aside from 'lol'. and b) shes a chain smoker. i dont mind smokers half as much as i mind their short fuse, temper, and lack of patients/control. i have WAY too many friends that smoke and struggle to keep it together during something even as short as a 2 hour movie. 

and my female friends who were interested in me when i wasn't single seem to want to set me up with other people now. not that i'm opposed to the idea, but i dont think i'm really ready to be dating again. 

on the plus side, i am enjoying my new camera


----------



## UnderTheSign

Konfyouzd said:


> As I lose weight all women seem to become more friendly. Looks don't matter guys.


It very much depends on the woman and, not to forget, the way your behaviour changes with your weight loss.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I mean maybe I do behave differently, but I don't think so... Maybe I just don't notice it... Feeling better cuz I'm happier with the way I look and perhaps it reflects in the way I interact with folks... Who knows? I don't notice it on a conscious level, though...


----------



## UnderTheSign

Konfyouzd said:


> I mean maybe I do behave differently, but I don't think so... Maybe I just don't notice it... Feeling better cuz I'm happier with the way I look and perhaps it reflects in the way I interact with folks... Who knows? I don't notice it on a conscious level, though...


I don't think behaviour changes like that happen very consciously, but yes, that sounds logical doesn't it? Confidence is key, they say that for a reason.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Fair enough, good sir.


----------



## bifftannen

Ok here's my (first world) problem: I am confident and comfortable around girls that I could take or leave/have mild interest in and can get them regularly enough but they generally just end up being friends with benefits for a month or so and then it fizzles out. THEN when it comes to the ones I think are keepers/marriage material I tend to psyche myself out about going over to talk to them.

Any suggestions lads?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Sounds to me like you see some separation between them. They're all chicks... And the ones you're attracted to aren't much different from the ones you aren't aside from that attraction factor. 

Try picturing an ugly chick... (Like picturing ppl in their undies when you're nervous)


----------



## bifftannen

soliloquy said:


> so, i met this girl at work. super cute and pretty cool. down side, a) she cant carry a conversation aside from 'lol'. and b) shes a chain smoker. i dont mind smokers half as much as i mind their short fuse, temper, and lack of patients/control. i have WAY too many friends that smoke and struggle to keep it together during something even as short as a 2 hour movie.
> 
> and my female friends who were interested in me when i wasn't single seem to want to set me up with other people now. not that i'm opposed to the idea, but i dont think i'm really ready to be dating again.
> 
> on the plus side, i am enjoying my new camera


 
+1 on the smoking and lack of conversation. I went through a bad break up last year and you definitely do need time to heal before you start seeing someone seriously again but a little emotion free fooling around with a friends with benefits or two will do you a little good. Takes the carbon off the valves! 
Do you know if this cute girl from work likes you?


----------



## Konfyouzd

@Soliloquy - Yo... The "lol" when you have nothing else to say thing is annoying as shit... That to me just says "new school airhead"...

And wait... Female friends that wanted to date you when you were taken now want to make you taken again... But by someone other than themselves? Why are you friends with such weird people?


----------



## bifftannen

Konfyouzd said:


> Sounds to me like you see some separation between them. They're all chicks... And the ones you're attracted to aren't much different from the ones you aren't aside from that attraction factor.
> 
> Try picturing an ugly chick... (Like picturing ppl in their undies when you're nervous)


 
Sh*t, that makes a lot of sense. I wasn't going to go out tonight but now I might just to test it!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Yea... All I can do is make sense... I don't actually get chicks, though so be careful... 

Making sense and getting with women is a tricky tight rope to walk and I seem to have poor balance...


----------



## -42-

bifftannen said:


> Ok here's my (first world) problem: I am confident and comfortable around girls that I could take or leave/have mild interest in and can get them regularly enough but they generally just end up being friends with benefits for a month or so and then it fizzles out. THEN when it comes to the ones I think are keepers/marriage material I tend to psyche myself out about going over to talk to them.
> 
> Any suggestions lads?



Yeah that's basically what everyone says. I don't get how you can tell if these girls are 'keepers' when you apparently can't even talk to them. I understand if they're so attractive that you find them unapproachable, that happens to everybody, but that hardly makes them marriage material. Just nut up and say hi, get someone to introduce you if possible. It's inevitable that there will be girls who aren't interested and that's totally okay, you learn to deal with it.


----------



## Svava

SevenStringSam said:


> my girlfriend is huge in theatre and just got a part where she has to kiss another guy. so what the hell do i do. i know its gunna eat away at me. so what now?



I would have major problems with that- so major I wouldn't date someone willing to do that.

But I am probably in the minority with that feeling....

Just know I sympathize with yah and hope you can work through this either with her or on your own.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Svava said:


> I would have major problems with that- so major I wouldn't date someone willing to do that.
> 
> But I am probably in the minority with that feeling....
> 
> Just know I sympathize with yah and hope you can work through this either with her or on your own.


Ahhh dude that's REALLY old . Whatever happened to SevenStringSam does anyone know.


----------



## Svava

joshuavsoapkid said:


> Ahhh dude that's REALLY old . Whatever happened to SevenStringSam does anyone know.



Sometimes I forget to check what page I'm reading before I reply ><

URGH ><


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Svava said:


> Sometimes I forget to check what page I'm reading before I reply ><
> 
> URGH ><


It happens to a lot of us.


----------



## Church2224

I started 2014 off right. 

I officially have a girlfriend now.


----------



## bifftannen

-42- said:


> Yeah that's basically what everyone says. I don't get how you can tell if these girls are 'keepers' when you apparently can't even talk to them. I understand if they're so attractive that you find them unapproachable, that happens to everybody, but that hardly makes them marriage material. Just nut up and say hi, get someone to introduce you if possible. It's inevitable that there will be girls who aren't interested and that's totally okay, you learn to deal with it.


 
Well when I say "keeper" and "marriage material" I actually wanted to say really hot without sounding like a shallow prat 

Yeah nutting up is basically what it will come down to. To be fair I'm pretty good with women I just have a mental block about the ones I really want. I am making progress with it though. I'm off to Galway (best looking women in Ireland) with the lads this weekend and I'll let you know how I get on!


----------



## Svava

Church2224 said:


> I started 2014 off right.
> 
> I officially have a girlfriend now.



Congrats.

By that same token I must have started it wrong because I unofficially have a girlfriend ><

We're still in love though so... woohoo ><!!!!


----------



## BlackMastodon

Church2224 said:


> I started 2014 off right.
> 
> I officially have a girlfriend now.


----------



## spadz93

alright ladies, my luck is finally beginning to turn around. i knew if i withdrew my search efforts that someone would come walking in. this girl that was mutual friends with a few of mine started snapchatting me a lot, so on a whim i offered to pick her up and take her out to a diner. she bit (lolsopunny), and we hung a few times after that.

fast forward to NYE last night, i threw a party and she came, so i said screw it, let me try my luck here. i stood by her and when the ball dropped, i looked at her, and she started at me right back, and we hooked up. she then proceeded to stay the night with me, and hung out till the late afternoon today. 

finally a stroke of good luck! let's see where it goes


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

spadz93 said:


> alright ladies, my luck is finally beginning to turn around. i knew if i withdrew my search efforts that someone would come walking in. this girl that was mutual friends with a few of mine started snapchatting me a lot, so on a whim i offered to pick her up and take her out to a diner. she bit (lolsopunny), and we hung a few times after that.
> 
> fast forward to NYE last night, i threw a party and she came, so i said screw it, let me try my luck here. i stood by her and when the ball dropped, i looked at her, and she started at me right back, and we hooked up. she then proceeded to stay the night with me, and hung out till the late afternoon today.
> 
> finally a stroke of good luck! let's see where it goes


This gif was made for this thread.


----------



## InfinityCollision

bifftannen said:


> Ok here's my (first world) problem: I am confident and comfortable around girls that I could take or leave/have mild interest in and can get them regularly enough but they generally just end up being friends with benefits for a month or so and then it fizzles out. THEN when it comes to the ones I think are keepers/marriage material I tend to psyche myself out about going over to talk to them.
> 
> Any suggestions lads?





Konfyouzd said:


> Sounds to me like you see some separation between them. They're all chicks...


This. Every woman is a moment away from being good or bad dating matIf you can't even get yourself to talk to them, how can you judge if they're keepers? Also be careful about passing judgements like that too soon - it's easy to pass over someone that's actually a good match, or put someone up on a pedestal (which is never a good thing regardless of how good/bad a match they are). An honest eye makes them more approachable.

edit: Someone actually said all that above and I missed it, oh well.



Svava said:


> I would have major problems with that- so major I wouldn't date someone willing to do that.
> 
> But I am probably in the minority with that feeling....


Not just the minority, you're in the "You need to get over that _now_" camp. If you're not comfortable with your SO kissing someone onstage, that's either an issue with you (trust issues) or an issue with her (you don't find her trustworthy). In this case (since it's generalized), you're showing insecurity issues that are detrimental to your relationships. It's likely that this also manifests in certain other hangups, so it's not something that would just be restricted to the occasional theatrical girlfriend.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Svava said:


> I would have major problems with that- so major I wouldn't date someone willing to do that.
> 
> But I am probably in the minority with that feeling....
> 
> Just know I sympathize with yah and hope you can work through this either with her or on your own.



As uncomfortable as it would make me, I wouldnt protest. My girlfriend has been performing her whole life. Its just a kiss for show. At the end of the day, its me that gets to put my wiener in her and thats what matters.


----------



## darkinners

I really fed up with my girl's problem.
She keep imaginate things that didn't happen and bitching about them

Like she keep "think" I am cheating on her with a person doesn't even exist. 
Keep saying things like I will dump her eventually, despise her existence blah blah blah.

I get it girls get depress/emotional from time to time
But in her case, it's on day basis. In a week at least has 3 or 4 days she's acting like this.

I love her and I want to work things out but if she keep on acting like this, I really will grow tired eventually.

Don't know what else to do :/


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

darkinners said:


> I get it girls get depress/emotional from time to time.


Everyone gets depressed/emotional from to time to time and your GF sounds like she needs help from a psychologist, either that or she's VERY insecure.


----------



## lance_pants

hey guys, so my girlfriend and I rent a house together and are currently studying. anyways, she is hung up on getting a dog and i dont want one at all. It seems to be the only things she talks about and its driving me mad! what do?


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Don't get a ....ing dog. Unless you can live with it. Would she rather a) have her dog while you're miserable, eventually driving a wedge between you or b) live with a happy boyfriend who is a MAN and doesn't just give her everything she whines for? If you have a good argument, she better have a better one or change your mind with them sweet sugarwalls.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

glassmoon0fo said:


> sweet sugarwalls.


Hodgetwins reference.


----------



## Fat-Elf

Stayed up till 5am hoping that this (extremely cute) girl I have as a friend in Steam would start talking to me. Damn, I'm hopeless.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> Hodgetwins reference.



Plenty more where that came from


----------



## Church2224

Fat-Elf said:


> Stayed up till 5am hoping that this (extremely cute) girl I have as a friend in Steam would start talking to me. Damn, I'm hopeless.



Just keep trying man, maybe not with her but with other girls and some one will take interest. Plus, I never trusted talking to girls online anyway.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Church2224 said:


> Plus, I never trusted talking to girls online anyway.


 Catfish look it up Fat Elf, remember voice chat is your best friend.


----------



## MFB

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> Catfish look it up Fat Elf, remember voice chat is your best friend.



Don't make him waste that much time in his life, hell even reading the Wiki article is too long for that "SAW IT COMING" ending


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

MFB said:


> Don't make him waste that much time in his life, hell even reading the Wiki article is too long for that "SAW IT COMING" ending


 There's a wiki for everything.


----------



## Don Vito

Fat-Elf said:


> Stayed up till 5am hoping that this (extremely cute) girl I have as a friend in Steam would start talking to me. Damn, I'm hopeless.


It's useless unless you can actually meet her. I had an online GF once that lived in Ohio(far away from me).

We had phone _"sex"_ once, and no, you do not want that.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Don Vito said:


> We had phone _"sex"_ once, and no, you do not want that.


Phone sucks hard.


----------



## Fat-Elf

Don Vito said:


> We had phone _"sex"_ once, and no, you do not want that.











JoshuaVonFlash said:


> Fat Elf, remember voice chat is your best friend.




Yes, voice chatting would be great. I have her as a friend in Skype because I wanted to talk to her once while we played something but she "couldn't talk" at that moment. Probably better because I was so drunk back then.


----------



## Bekanor

Had an old fling contact me out of the blue talking a bunch of shit about "being friends". 

I described that situation as being awkward and resentful, wherein I'm the kicked dog who didn't learn the first time. I said I felt it would be far better to leave things as two ships passing in the night and never speaking again. 

I delivered that shit up ice cold on the smoothest plate you've ever seen. It felt really good. Have your cake and eat that shit, bitch.


----------



## Church2224

I now know the feeling of when you enter a relationship, all of a sudden your single, attractive female friends want more and more of your attention...


----------



## RevelGTR

^ Female logic (in cave man voice): "Pretty lady have church... me want church too!"


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

Don Vito said:


> It's useless unless you can actually meet her. I had an online GF once that lived in Ohio(far away from me).
> 
> We had phone _"sex"_ once, and no, you do not want that.



Tell me about it. Even since phones started getting bigger its really tough to get one in an orifice.

Edit: spelling


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Tell me about it. Even sense phones started getting bigger its really tough to get one in an orifice.


----------



## Don Vito

edit: lamesauce


----------



## Bekanor

Also going on a date with a 22 year old I met at my buddy's little brother's 21st a few weeks ago. I feel like a gross old man. It's a good thing (I'm only 29, it's ok).


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Don Vito said:


> edit: lamesauce


----------



## Leveebreaks

lance_pants said:


> hey guys, so my girlfriend and I rent a house together and are currently studying. anyways, she is hung up on getting a dog and i dont want one at all. It seems to be the only things she talks about and its driving me mad! what do?


 
Get a cat, or failing that get her pregnant. She sure as hell won't want a dog then.


----------



## Leveebreaks

leftyguitarjoe said:


> Tell me about it. Even sense phones started getting bigger its really tough to get one in an orifice.


 
Old school Nokia 3310s ftw


----------



## BlackMastodon

Leveebreaks said:


> Get a cat, or failing that get her pregnant. She sure as hell won't want a dog then.


Worst/funniest advice ever.


----------



## Svava

I hate hair dye.

The girl I am currently head-over-heels for is dying her hair today.






Now to pass the night drinking vinegar and listening to some really evil music -,-


----------



## flyingV

Svava said:


> I hate hair dye.
> 
> The girl I am currently head-over-heels for is dying her hair today.
> 
> Now to pass the night drinking vinegar and listening to some really evil music -,-



I feel your pain. Women and Hair... I really love long Hair, my ex gf knew that. So she had to cut off her long, natural blonde hair and dye it brown. Turns out it looked horrible, just like I said -.- 

A couple of weeks ago I broke up a year long relationship. I tell you guys something: If a girl has really bad mental issues, don´t think that you can be the solution to her problems. It won´t work. That person needs help, but not from you. I´m glad everything worked out kinda fine in the end, we´re still friends. We still talk with each other on the phone a couple of times a week, catching up with each others lifes.She is now starting a new therapy, hopefully she can get back in a mental state that alows her to get a job, soon...


----------



## Svava

flyingV said:


> I feel your pain. Women and Hair... I really love long Hair, my ex gf knew that. So she had to cut off her long, natural blonde hair and dye it brown. Turns out it looked horrible, just like I said -.-
> 
> A couple of weeks ago I broke up a year long relationship. I tell you guys something: If a girl has really bad mental issues, don´t think that you can be the solution to her problems. It won´t work. That person needs help, but not from you. I´m glad everything worked out kinda fine in the end, we´re still friends. We still talk with each other on the phone a couple of times a week, catching up with each others lifes.She is now starting a new therapy, hopefully she can get back in a mental state that alows her to get a job, soon...



AMEN BROTHER! LONG HAIR IS BOSS!!!

And I'll tell you what I have not been in a single committed relationship with someone who's in a proper normal state of mind. 

It's driving me mad.

Long, natural hair = win. 

DANG IT ><!!!

My condolences for your relationship bro... hopefully it's for the best and you find an even more rockin' babe with fewer issues.

F*** hair dye -,-


----------



## flint757

Some people pull off short hair exceptionally well and in some cases way better than long hair. I personally can't stand it when a woman has hair all the way to her butt. Same with coloring, sometimes it works. Albeit, usually it doesn't. 

I don't usually determine someones 'hotness' based on hair alone though. The hair has to go good with the body and outfit/lifestyle.


----------



## boroducci

I think it's no matter how long and what color of hair of your GF if you really love her))
I met my wife 13 years ago. We married 9,5 years ago. She is beautiful with long hair, with short hair, with red hair, with brown and even with green hair))

She loves me, I love her and happy that I met her once

9 years ago






year ago)


----------



## Leveebreaks

Svava said:


> I hate hair dye.
> 
> The girl I am currently head-over-heels for is dying her hair today.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Now to pass the night drinking vinegar and listening to some really evil music -,-


 

Why's everyone so down on hair dye? It....washes out and stuff??? Doesn't really change the person underneath just cos her hair is vomit green


----------



## Murmel

^
If you use real hair dye it doesn't wash out, you either have to cut it off or dye it again to get rid of it.

I personally am not a fan of weird colours in hair. 9/10 times I don't like redheads either.
Love me a good blonde or brunette.


----------



## boroducci

redheads are very hot in most of times))
if the roof is rusty - cellar is always wet)


----------



## Murmel

^


----------



## boroducci

Murmel said:


> ^



Russian proverb)
hope i translated as accurate as possible))


----------



## Eladamri

I think if you're that worried by someone's hair, they're likely not for you.

In other news the girl I occasionally (for the last decade) remember I really like and me had another close call last night. Still never managed anything other than falling asleep on the sofa and the mumbling goodbyes in the morning. But then, we're both terrified of actually finding out if we'd be any good for each other.

Hey-ho.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Murmel said:


> 9/10 times I don't like redheads.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Eladamri said:


> I think if you're that worried by someone's hair, they're likely not for you.
> 
> In other news the girl I occasionally (for the last decade) remember I really like and me had another close call last night. Still never managed anything other than falling asleep on the sofa and the mumbling goodbyes in the morning. But then, we're both terrified of actually finding out if we'd be any good for each other.
> 
> Hey-ho.


"To you get on that horse you gotta ride it"-Katt Williams, 2010


----------



## InfinityCollision

boroducci said:


> redheads are very hot in most of times))
> if the roof is rusty - cellar is always wet)



 I've never heard it put that way, love it.

I've seen some women pull off hair dye really well, others not so much. An ex of mine rocks a really dark purple-red dye (I'm not good at describing colors) and it looks fantastic on her. I can't see it working nearly as well for most other women I know though.


----------



## Discoqueen

boroducci said:


> redheads are very hot in most of times))
> if the roof is rusty - cellar is always wet)



Oh my god. Best. Proverb. Ever.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Today I took my girlfriend to Olive Garden, and didn't get laid.....lol
but i feel awesome being able to take her there.


----------



## Leveebreaks

Eladamri said:


> I think if you're that worried by someone's hair, they're likely not for you.
> 
> In other news the girl I occasionally (for the last decade) remember I really like and me had another close call last night. Still never managed anything other than falling asleep on the sofa and the mumbling goodbyes in the morning. But then, we're both terrified of actually finding out if we'd be any good for each other.
> 
> Hey-ho.


----------



## Eladamri

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> "To you get on that horse you gotta ride it"-Katt Williams, 2010



Over the years given how both of us can get when we've had a drink, you'd think we'd have done it. Sadly not!



Leveebreaks said:


>



Sad yes, but it's not the first time and I get the feeling that the carousel will be round again. Who knows.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Kinda tired of every chick I meet having a kid or kids...


----------



## UnderTheSign

Eladamri said:


> I think if you're that worried by someone's hair, they're likely not for you.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

boroducci said:


> redheads are very hot in most of times))
> if the roof is rusty - cellar is always wet)



Can confirm.

Source: Dating a pure blooded Irish redhead.

Edit: Just used this on my girlfriend. She concurs.


----------



## piggins411

Just hearing the word redhead sends me into a frenzy. I have a problem


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

piggins411 said:


> Just hearing the word redhead sends me into a frenzy. I have a problem


----------



## Bekanor

Konfyouzd said:


> Kinda tired of every chick I meet having a kid or kids...



I know them feels bud. Age appropriate dating in this area means having to worry about messing with some kid's mind if his mum ends up being a psycho and you have to bail.


----------



## boroducci

When I studied in university, I met with 3 redhead girls. They were awesome))
I miss that time)


----------



## glassmoon0fo

So, I'm newly single after a solid 8 years of being taken, with maybe 3 months of unattachment along the way. I was having lots of sex with minimal effort, but now that I'm solo again I'm like a fatass house cat that's been released into the woods and has to learn how to hunt again  . As part of the rebooting to single life process, I'm taking part in the NoFap challenge. Let me tell you, I feel like the ....ing hulk on mollie, I'm BEASTING pretty much every facet of my life after just 6 days. Abstaining from artificial visual and physical stimulants is forcing my brain to find pleasure in other places, and it makes ALL the difference in the world. Story time.

I was in guitar center today and our local store is packed with gorgeous female employees (southern belles FTMFW). Brought in my ukulele to have the bridge shaved and I wanted to test the iron label Ibanez 8 they had with some animals as leaders, and of course some people took notice and asked for tips, including the clerks lol. A few girls took notice, and every time I looked up I'd catch eye contact from one and was so turned on I couldn't help but match their intensity. It was like they were challenging me and I couldn't lose. So this stunning brunette starts hanging in our general area, which happens to be opposite the side she actually works on, and tries to rip on me for playing ukulele. I responded by immediately and without thought taking the nearest one from the wall and playing Gin and Juice  See tried hiding being impressed, but i looked her dead in the eye and said, "your turn." She said she doesn't play, but if I want lessons on how to play a real guitar (acoustic) that I should call her, then she reached IN MY POCKET and started putting her number in my phone. Her name is Bethany, and I WILL be balls deep quite soon, methinks. 

I absolutely credit abstaining from porn and fappage. When you know your next nut will come from sex with a real woman you alpha right he he'll up in no time. I've seriously noticed that I even speak and walk with more purpose and think clearer all day simply because I'm so keyed into the women around me, whether I'm interested in them or not. NoFap, look into it and do it NOW, trust me!


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

glassmoon0fo said:


> Her name is Bethany, and I WILL be balls deep quite soon.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Leave nuthin but da NUTS hangin out son!


----------



## boroducci

Remember the time when I play 6str bass in metal band.
On local gigs girls often ask me to let them touch long hard neck of my bass))
how could I deny them to do it? It always was a good start for hot afterparty)


----------



## Bekanor

Bekanor said:


> I know them feels bud. Age appropriate dating in this area means having to worry about messing with some kid's mind if his mum ends up being a psycho and you have to bail.



Quoted myself for relevance. 


Just keyed up date number 2 with the 22 year old from Saturday night. Solution is, date age inappropriate.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^^ Your posts just keep getting better and better.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Date age inappropriate? My dad said the same. I've yet to meet a young girl that doesn't use me for a place to stay when she doesn't feel like dealing w mommy and daddy or her room mate if she's managed to leave the nest.

I'm not a babysitter.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

glassmoon0fo said:


> So, I'm newly single after a solid 8 years of being taken, with maybe 3 months of unattachment along the way. I was having lots of sex with minimal effort, but now that I'm solo again I'm like a fatass house cat that's been released into the woods and has to learn how to hunt again  . As part of the rebooting to single life process, I'm taking part in the NoFap challenge. Let me tell you, I feel like the ....ing hulk on mollie, I'm BEASTING pretty much every facet of my life after just 6 days. Abstaining from artificial visual and physical stimulants is forcing my brain to find pleasure in other places, and it makes ALL the difference in the world. Story time.
> 
> I was in guitar center today and our local store is packed with gorgeous female employees (southern belles FTMFW). Brought in my ukulele to have the bridge shaved and I wanted to test the iron label Ibanez 8 they had with some animals as leaders, and of course some people took notice and asked for tips, including the clerks lol. A few girls took notice, and every time I looked up I'd catch eye contact from one and was so turned on I couldn't help but match their intensity. It was like they were challenging me and I couldn't lose. So this stunning brunette starts hanging in our general area, which happens to be opposite the side she actually works on, and tries to rip on me for playing ukulele. I responded by immediately and without thought taking the nearest one from the wall and playing Gin and Juice  See tried hiding being impressed, but i looked her dead in the eye and said, "your turn." She said she doesn't play, but if I want lessons on how to play a real guitar (acoustic) that I should call her, then she reached IN MY POCKET and started putting her number in my phone. Her name is Bethany, and I WILL be balls deep quite soon, methinks.
> 
> I absolutely credit abstaining from porn and fappage. When you know your next nut will come from sex with a real woman you alpha right he he'll up in no time. I've seriously noticed that I even speak and walk with more purpose and think clearer all day simply because I'm so keyed into the women around me, whether I'm interested in them or not. NoFap, look into it and do it NOW, trust me!



That may work for you since you have already hit some sugarwalls;you know what to expect.As a virgin, abstaining from "private time" makes you aggressive in all the wrong ways.You're just thinking about f*cking all the time and psych yourself out.The opposite situation is that you'll be calmer and more comfortable in said situations...


----------



## piggins411

^ I tried for a little over 3 weeks and didn't feel any different. I'm going to give it another go I guess


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Quick tip since I'm at work, but it isn't just the fapping that is a problem, it's the porn fantasy. If you are a virgin or don't have much experience, you do NOT need to view porn. It severely screws with your "timing". Women need a much longer build up to sex and that's typically means that it's your job to be tuned in to that burning intensity rather than walking around like your entire body is covered in hot dick skin  being super horny is totally fine, learn to harness the power that comes with it by being tunes into actual women, not some porn fantasy. I promise, completely cut out porn consumption for a month and forget about that 8 seconds of pleasure for a bit, and you should see some major gains in the alpha department.

To add: I'll see if I can find the study, but it's believed that most sexual behaviors are already hard wired into our brain via evolution, including masturbation. When a beta bonobo is defeated by an alpha for mating rights, he (or they) will often watch him mate with each of the females and masturbate himself to abate the need to challenge him further, thereby solidifying his place in their society as a secondary masculine force. To me, porn is absolutely no different. Would you rather sit there and watch another man (subconsciously, attributing higher status to him) pounding the object of your desire, or would you rather go out and get your own? Make no mistake, many of you will rationalize your way into making busting nuts all over yourself ok, and every now and then it is. But I don't think there's any denying that we'd all prefer the real thing, and so far, I'm as driven as I've ever been and it has nothing to do with not being a virgin. If anything, the only thing previous experience has taught me is that women aren't as harsh on men about lasting time as we are, as long as you're tuned in and ready to go again 

I mean, have I ever lead you guys wrong?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Just got eye molested by a lady older than my mother. I always knew I was a bit of an acquired taste but I hope that isn't my niche. 

EDIT: Terrible timing. I just cheapens that epic post above me a tad...


----------



## Obsidian Soul

glassmoon0fo said:


> Quick tip since I'm at work, but it isn't just the fapping that is a problem, it's the porn fantasy. If you are a virgin or don't have much experience, you do NOT need to view porn. It severely screws with your "timing". Women need a much longer build up to sex and that's typically means that it's your job to be tuned in to that burning intensity rather than walking around like your entire body is covered in hot dick skin  being super horny is totally fine, learn to harness the power that comes with it by being tunes into actual women, not some porn fantasy. I promise, completely cut out porn consumption for a month and forget about that 8 seconds of pleasure for a bit, and you should see some major gains in the alpha department.
> 
> To add: I'll see if I can find the study, but it's believed that most sexual behaviors are already hard wired into our brain via evolution, including masturbation. When a beta bonobo is defeated by an alpha for mating rights, he (or they) will often watch him mate with each of the females and masturbate himself to abate the need to challenge him further, thereby solidifying his place in their society as a secondary masculine force. To me, porn is absolutely no different. Would you rather sit there and watch another man (subconsciously, attributing higher status to him) pounding the object of your desire, or would you rather go out and get your own? Make no mistake, many of you will rationalize your way into making busting nuts all over yourself ok, and every now and then it is. But I don't think there's any denying that we'd all prefer the real thing, and so far, I'm as driven as I've ever been and it has nothing to do with not being a virgin. If anything, the only thing previous experience has taught me is that women aren't as harsh on men about lasting time as we are, as long as you're tuned in and ready to go again
> 
> I mean, have I ever lead you guys wrong?


I don't think your logic is wrong,but I have already been there and done that.I'm a shy guy,so I get nervous and stutter when I talk to people I don't know period.When I did what you said,I had no type of affiliation with females.Now,I actually have a few female friends.I still don't have a lot of game,but I had absolutely none before.This is more of a "different strokes for different folks" thing than a black and white picture of what's right and what's wrong.


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

I'm seeing my girlfriend for the first time tonight in about 3 weeks.

I already feel sorry for whats about to happen to her vagina. Lets see if I can beat my current record of 3 times in a day.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

*inserts sloth meme*


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

Obsidian Soul said:


> "different *strokes* for different folks"



XD we're talking about fapping and people liking different strokes. 

Sorry, I have a terrible sense of humor.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Obsidian Soul said:


> I don't think your logic is wrong,but I have already been there and done that.I'm a shy guy,so I get nervous and stutter when I talk to people I don't know period.When I did what you said,I had no type of affiliation with females.Now,I actually have a few female friends.I still don't have a lot of game,but I had absolutely none before.This is more of a "different strokes for different folks" thing than a black and white picture of what's right and what's wrong.



I suppose I see that point. Either way, work up just being comfortable man


----------



## Church2224

What if you masturbate while thinking about your own girlfriend...? 

Is that like some sort of mind-altering Jizz-ception?


----------



## DiegusMaximus32

Church2224 said:


> What if you masturbate while thinking about your own girlfriend...?
> 
> Is that like some sort of mind-altering Jizz-ception?



This reminded me of that part in I Love You Man where Jason Segel's character gets outright disgusted with Paul Rudd for fapping to a clothed bikini pic of Rasheeda Jones. I think it's kinda weird to fap to a current partner, cause I mean, why not just go to the other room and have at it? Unless maybe you're on vacation and she's not there.


----------



## Bekanor

There may be more credence to glassmoon's theory than I had previously thought, with a bit of a drawback. 

So it's summer in Australia and it's stinking hot so I haven't really been jacking it much. The other day I was flirting with someone and I got super fired up out of nowhere. Like I've been horny before and had droughts before but this was something else, the feeling could almost be described as predatory (not in a molesty way). I felt more confident, more aggressive (part of the drawback) and all around better at holding the power in any situation with the opposite sex. The downer is that I can easily see following that killer instinct into nailing someone that I don't give a shit about and then having to Jimmy Hoffa it out of there (which, having dated almost exclusively from the internet over the last couple of years, I've become fairly adept at). 

So I think I might try this no jacking it thing and hope it just doesn't turn me into a raving sex maniac with no patience for anyone that isn't prepared to ante up. Not sure if I'll pre-game one out before my second date with this girl, just in case things go well and I don't want to seem like a tired old buck who busts too quick and goes to sleep straight after (it's kind of true, I totally want to go to sleep after a tumble).

Still, man and meat sword were one, ravage the sun.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Bekanor said:


> Still, man and meat sword were one, ravage the sun.


This is signature material.


----------



## Bekanor

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> This is signature material.



Edit: I don't take praise well, it goes right to my balls. 

Also display pic updated.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

@Church and Bekanor, I think you're both touching on (...bad choice of words) the same topic here. Church, psychologically, there's nothing adverse to a rub as long as the visualization is reality, so that's perfectly fine. BUT, I submit to you that since your girl is probably already comfy with you, it might at some point in the near future be a good time to show her that animalistic aggressiveness that Bekanor mentioned. In my experience, women like to be ravaged every now and then, and there's no better way to get in touch ( there's that word again) with the Beast than to be turnt' all the way up. 

Btw dude, don't clean the pipes pregame either. One thing I noticed is, when my nuts are heavy it's actually easier to hold back. Notice how when you're about to finish your sac gets all tight and pulls up close? Not happening easy at all when you're swinging two 8 balls in your middle pocket, ya dig.

That said, I'm headed to the gym and today is squat day. Feel like everyone is as aware of my balls as I am. I didn't account for this.


----------



## Bekanor

glassmoon0fo said:


> @Church and Bekanor, I think you're both touching on (...bad choice of words) the same topic here. Church, psychologically, there's nothing adverse to a rub as long as the visualization is reality, so that's perfectly fine. BUT, I submit to you that since your girl is probably already comfy with you, it might at some point in the near future be a good time to show her that animalistic aggressiveness that Bekanor mentioned. In my experience, women like to be ravaged every now and then, and there's no better way to get in touch ( there's that word again) with the Beast than to be turnt' all the way up.
> 
> Btw dude, don't clean the pipes pregame either. One thing I noticed is, when my nuts are heavy it's actually easier to hold back. Notice how when you're about to finish your sac gets all tight and pulls up close? Not happening easy at all when you're swinging two 8 balls in your middle pocket, ya dig.
> 
> That said, I'm headed to the gym and today is squat day. Feel like everyone is as aware of my balls as I am. I didn't account for this.



I have some fairly sketchy images of how this research of yours went down. 

Basically a lab with dudes squatting on a bench with their nuts in beakers (testing a number of variables) and you walking that line in a lab coat with a clipboard and pen saying things like "fascinating" and "disconcerting" and "nutsreka I have it!" 

I'm bored at work again.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

So the German girl I had thing with a while ago has started talking to me again over whatsapp, admitted to liking me and whats to know when I'm booking flights to come stay with her in her new apartment..

Will Kiwi spend 3 grand on a round trip to Germany to possibly get his dick wet?

Stay Tuned..







Seriously first chick in a long time thats shown interest, FML


EDIT: I decided to try no fapping yesterday and see what happens, this is not the kind of result I expected..


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Bekanor said:


> I have some fairly sketchy images of how this research of yours went down.
> 
> Basically a lab with dudes squatting on a bench with their nuts in beakers (testing a number of variables) and you walking that line in a lab coat with a clipboard and pen saying things like "fascinating" and "disconcerting" and "nutsreka I have it!"
> 
> I'm bored at work again.


 


Just an observation that works for me. All aboard the NoFap train.

NoFap: Partake in the ultimate challenge

That's a pretty legit sub forum of real life results, read up and give it a real shot if the info suits you.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Kiwimetal101 said:


> Will Kiwi spend 3 grand on a round trip to Germany to possibly get his dick wet? Stay tuned.


----------



## soliloquy

bifftannen said:


> +1 on the smoking and lack of conversation. I went through a bad break up last year and you definitely do need time to heal before you start seeing someone seriously again but a little emotion free fooling around with a friends with benefits or two will do you a little good. Takes the carbon off the valves!
> Do you know if this cute girl from work likes you?



i dont know if she likes me or not. she seems really out there and weird. cool, but weird. 





Konfyouzd said:


> @Soliloquy - Yo... The "lol" when you have nothing else to say thing is annoying as shit... That to me just says "new school airhead"...
> 
> And wait... Female friends that wanted to date you when you were taken now want to make you taken again... But by someone other than themselves? Why are you friends with such weird people?




because i, myself, am super weird! i was dating my ex for 6 years. many of my friends have found random bfs since then or they realized that i treat em like sisters most of the time (incest is best, put your sis to the test...), so most of them have stopped presuing me



in other news, i kinda told my ex to .... off. i'm trying to be mature and be her friend here. and unlike what most of my friends are suggesting, i wont cut her off and go cold turkey. i spent 6 years with her. if i cut her off, then i'm starting from scratch. i rather built on whatever i built with her and go from there. 

regardless, right after out breakup, she said that she might be pregnant, but if she is, she wont tell me. that pissed me off as if i was responsible for her being pregnant, then i would want to know. then recently she was in the hospital for a few days. when i asked her what happened thirce and she said 'nothing'. i told her to .... off as i'm trying to be a friend and i'm sharing random things with her but if she cant even share that, then she isn't being a friend that we both agreed on... 


bitches be crazy


----------



## icos211

glassmoon0fo said:


> @Church and Bekanor, I think you're both touching on (...bad choice of words) the same topic here. Church, psychologically, there's nothing adverse to a rub as long as the visualization is reality, so that's perfectly fine. BUT, I submit to you that since your girl is probably already comfy with you, it might at some point in the near future be a good time to show her that animalistic aggressiveness that Bekanor mentioned. In my experience, women like to be ravaged every now and then, and there's no better way to get in touch ( there's that word again) with the Beast than to be turnt' all the way up.
> 
> Btw dude, don't clean the pipes pregame either. One thing I noticed is, when my nuts are heavy it's actually easier to hold back. Notice how when you're about to finish your sac gets all tight and pulls up close? Not happening easy at all when you're swinging two 8 balls in your middle pocket, ya dig.
> 
> That said, I'm headed to the gym and today is squat day. Feel like everyone is as aware of my balls as I am. I didn't account for this.



What the .... did I just read?


----------



## glassmoon0fo

^The band director at Tarelton is a good friend if mine. Ask him about "ball-o" and he'll know exactly who it's from


----------



## boroducci

has anyone a sex in public transport (bus, taxi)? ))


----------



## Eladamri

boroducci said:


> has anyone a sex in public transport (bus, taxi)? ))



Tried once. Didn't succeed.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^^ I'm guessing that's a European thing?


----------



## Eladamri

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> ^^ I'm guessing that's a European thing?



It was a sex-obsessed girlfriend thing. And I mean obsessed.

EDIT: It's only a European things because we HAVE public transport ;P


----------



## Church2224

glassmoon0fo said:


> @Church and Bekanor, I think you're both touching on (...bad choice of words) the same topic here. Church, psychologically, there's nothing adverse to a rub as long as the visualization is reality, so that's perfectly fine. BUT, I submit to you that since your girl is probably already comfy with you, it might at some point in the near future be a good time to show her that animalistic aggressiveness that Bekanor mentioned. In my experience, women like to be ravaged every now and then, and there's no better way to get in touch ( there's that word again) with the Beast than to be turnt' all the way up.
> .



Well, I showed her my "Animalistic Aggressiveness" a couple of times already. So when I am apart from her....it can be hard (no pun intended). Plus being on break from school and work for the season, what else can you do? Playing guitar can only get you so far 

Also I have been planning everything we have been doing together, and today she said that she wants to go beer tasting some in the future with me, is there anything bad with her trying to get that together, i.e. a balance of power issue shifting more towards her end, or am I good?


----------



## piggins411

I'm gonna say you're in the clear there


----------



## AndruwX

Tomorrow I'm gonna spend all day with GF after 3 weeks of not seeing her, you know, traveling for vacations, etc.
I doubt we will do anything explicit (because her cousin is at home) but man, I really like this girl...

Now that weare talking about sex here, what are your fantasies?
I'll love to do some roleplaying, and I was thinking about this one that mas makingmy dick diamon hard.

You see, you girl is a thief and then you enter the room, angry because you catch the female robber, as a punishment you .... her in a semi-angry/hard way. The thought of my girlfriend saying things like "No please no, I don't want that" "But, but, but, please, eveything except this" "Ah! I'm sorry" while making sad faces andme being rough make me cum buckets.

Shit's cash.


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

XD Dude I pretty much died laughing. That's both the most amazing and horrifying thing that I've read all day. It's been a slow day though.

FWIW I'm going for NoFap 2014!


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

AndruwX said:


> Tomorrow I'm gonna spend all day with GF after 3 weeks of not seeing her, you know, traveling for vacations, etc.
> I doubt we will do anything explicit (because her cousin is at home) but man, I really like this girl...
> 
> Now that weare talking about sex here, what are your fantasies?
> I'll love to do some roleplaying, and I was thinking about this one that mas makingmy dick diamon hard.
> 
> You see, you girl is a thief and then you enter the room, angry because you catch the female robber, as a punishment you .... her in a semi-angry/hard way. The thought of my girlfriend saying things like "No please no, I don't want that" "But, but, but, please, eveything except this" "Ah! I'm sorry" while making sad faces andme being rough make me cum buckets.
> 
> Shit's cash.


Andrew you cease to make me laugh.


----------



## boroducci

Eladamri said:


> It was a sex-obsessed girlfriend thing. And I mean obsessed.
> 
> EDIT: It's only a European things because we HAVE public transport ;P



why unsuccessful? 
people didn't let you do it??

I done it twice, in bus and taxi. It was crazy and unforgettable.

I worked in little IT company with nice redhead girl)) Few times made her massage accompanied talks about sexual fantasies, but nothing serious. We both understood that it is some kind of light flirt to make boring workdays brighter.

all employees liked to sit and relax with a beer on Fridays.
And one cold dark winter friday after "beer hour" I called taxi and offered my readhead collegue to go out from office.

I asked without preamble - what she thinks about sex with me,
and she said that ready here and now.

taxi driver got triple rate and did not look in the rearview mirror.
we didn't even undressed)) it's not good idea to be naked even in car when it's - 20'C))

It was fantastic, guys Much better than tumbling in bed


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

boroducci said:


> why unsuccessful?
> people didn't let you do it??
> 
> I done it twice, in bus and taxi. It was crazy and unforgettable.
> 
> I worked in little IT company with nice redhead girl)) Few times made her massage accompanied talks about sexual fantasies, but nothing serious. We both understood that it is some kind of light flirt to make boring workdays brighter.
> 
> all employees liked to sit and relax with a beer on Fridays.
> And one cold dark winter friday after "beer hour" I called taxi and offered my readhead collegue to go out from office.
> 
> I asked without preamble - what she thinks about sex with me,
> and she said that ready here and now.
> 
> taxi driver got triple rate and did not look in the rearview mirror.
> we didn't even undressed)) it's not good idea to be naked even in car when it's - 20'C))
> 
> It was fantastic, guys Much better than tumbling in bed


Teach me


----------



## boroducci

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> Teach me



what do you want to learn, dude?))


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

boroducci said:


> what do you want to learn, dude?))


Everything.  I'm just joking, it's something young guys my age say to older guys in college/high school movies, who are better experienced with women. Like American Pie for an example, and the "Dude teach me" part is from The 40 year old virgin, look it up it's hilarious, if you haven't seen it.


----------



## boroducci

I remember American pie. It was fun many years ago)
Have more stories, anybody want to listen?)


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

boroducci said:


> I remember American pie. It was fun many years ago)
> Have more stories, anybody want to listen?)


----------



## boroducci

what about redhead's handjob in bus full of people? hah)


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

How'd you even pull that off?


----------



## boroducci

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> How'd you even pull that off?


I told earlier, redheads a very hot and crazy often))
story's about the same girl from taxi)


----------



## Konfyouzd

Finally talked to the sexy latina chick in the cafeteria... She does NOT hate me... 

She was talking to one of her co-workers in Spanish... Another co-worker that doesn't speak Spanish was like... "WHAT the hell are you 2 talking about?" I laughed and somehow became part of the convo... 

So I translated a few things they said so he could know what they were talking about and it seemed to intrigue her a little bit... "Oh... You *do* speak Spanish, eh?" Indeed I do... 

We'll see how it goes at lunch time...

Oh and yesterday... Weirdest thing ever... 

I went out to lunch with a female co-worker... A waitress from SOMEONE ELSE'S table kept coming back to our table and flirting with me. First she just happened to be the one to run our food out. When she came to the table she was normal at first, then when she got to me she kinda started acting weird... And she was just making up any reason to continue the convo so she could stay at the table... 

Five minutes later she's back and she puts a drink down on the table... 

"Taste this..."

Dafuq...?

She says it was an Arnold Palmer, but I'm still not sure why I should taste it and not one of the many patrons at the bar (I know it's non-alcoholic, but it came from the bar, why walk it ALL the way over to my booth?)...

I now understand what women mean when they say "He was cute until he started talking." 

And I also understand why--if this is how they all approach men--they leave the conversation initiation up to us... 

ALSO... If this is any indication of what goes through a woman's mind when she's interested, it goes to show why the dude that a lot of guys sit back and say "He's a dumbass, why is she with him?" about actually gets the chick... He simply dared to say *something* to her and get her attention... That seemed to be this chick's approach anyway...


----------



## no_dice

AndruwX said:


> Tomorrow I'm gonna spend all day with GF after 3 weeks of not seeing her, you know, traveling for vacations, etc.
> I doubt we will do anything explicit (because her cousin is at home) but man, I really like this girl...
> 
> Now that weare talking about sex here, what are your fantasies?
> I'll love to do some roleplaying, and I was thinking about this one that mas makingmy dick diamon hard.
> 
> You see, you girl is a thief and then you enter the room, angry because you catch the female robber, as a punishment you .... her in a semi-angry/hard way. The thought of my girlfriend saying things like "No please no, I don't want that" "But, but, but, please, eveything except this" "Ah! I'm sorry" while making sad faces andme being rough make me cum buckets.
> 
> Shit's cash.



Sorry, but the rape fantasy thing is a little creepy.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I don't wanna talk to another man about my fantasies at all... Much less some creepy ass shit like that... I don't even know if I'd tell a girl I wanted to do that... She'd definitely have to bring it up and even then I'd be a bit skeptical of her motives... 

I've seen that in pornos before and there's always this deep internal conflict as I was this like... Hmm... This is kinda making my penis soft...


----------



## no_dice

Konfyouzd said:


> Finally talked to the sexy latina chick in the cafeteria... She does NOT hate me...
> 
> She was talking to one of her co-workers in Spanish... Another co-worker that doesn't speak Spanish was like... "WHAT the hell are you 2 talking about?" I laughed and somehow became part of the convo...
> 
> So I translated a few things they said so he could know what they were talking about and it seemed to intrigue her a little bit... "Oh... You *do* speak Spanish, eh?" Indeed I do...
> 
> We'll see how it goes at lunch time...
> 
> Oh and yesterday... Weirdest thing ever...
> 
> I went out to lunch with a female co-worker... A waitress from SOMEONE ELSE'S table kept coming back to our table and flirting with me. First she just happened to be the one to run our food out. When she came to the table she was normal at first, then when she got to me she kinda started acting weird... And she was just making up any reason to continue the convo so she could stay at the table...
> 
> Five minutes later she's back and she puts a drink down on the table...
> 
> "Taste this..."
> 
> Dafuq...?
> 
> She says it was an Arnold Palmer, but I'm still not sure why I should taste it and not one of the many patrons at the bar (I know it's non-alcoholic, but it came from the bar, why walk it ALL the way over to my booth?)...
> 
> I now understand what women mean when they say "He was cute until he started talking."
> 
> And I also understand why--if this is how they all approach men--they leave the conversation initiation up to us...
> 
> ALSO... If this is any indication of what goes through a woman's mind when she's interested, it goes to show why the dude that a lot of guys sit back and say "He's a dumbass, why is she with him?" about actually gets the chick... He simply dared to say *something* to her and get her attention... That seemed to be this chick's approach anyway...



Before I was married, it always made me feel good when a girl flirted with me, even if I wasn't really interested. 

Maybe 2013 is your year to find a decent girl with no kids that isn't after you as a sugar daddy!


----------



## Konfyouzd

It could be... It certainly looks promising so far... 

I don't really mind the whole having kids thing but the more I think about it there's just something in the mindset of someone who's already had a kid that I don't find attractive yet. It's not to cast aspursions on these folks, but once kids come along you have something that is literally more important now and I'm not sure I'm ready to give up my spot as most important thing in my life right now. 

Narcissistic much? Probably... Well okay... Yea...

But the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, no? 

I have a friend looking to start a business and he wants me to help out with a lot of the ground work. He tells me I seem like I'd be a good fit for risk assessment analysis because I search for the ways things can fail and look for preventative measures prior to these things even becoming issues... It sounds good for the job, but it's very much how I live other parts of my life as well and that is very UNgood...


----------



## AndruwX

no_dice said:


> Sorry, but the rape fantasy thing is a little creepy.



You can't rape the willing.


----------



## no_dice

AndruwX said:


> You can't rape the willing.



I understand you're not talking about actual rape. It's just disturbing to me that people enjoy the idea of forced sex to the point that it gets them off to think about it or simulate it. 

I also get that it's your right to enjoy whatever you want in your private life. I just think your post was a little close to the boundary of what's appropriate to talk about on this public forum.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Indeed... I'm filterless and it even touched me in a weird place... Giggity...


----------



## BlackMastodon

no_dice said:


> Sorry, but the rape fantasy thing is a little creepy.


A little?



Konfyouzd said:


> I don't wanna talk to another man about my fantasies at all... Much less some creepy ass shit like that... I don't even know if I'd tell a girl I wanted to do that... She'd definitely have to bring it up and even then I'd be a bit skeptical of her motives...
> 
> I've seen that in pornos before and there's always this deep internal conflict as I was this like... Hmm... This is kinda making my penis soft...


All of this.


----------



## Murmel

Konfyouzd said:


> I went out to lunch with a female co-worker... A waitress from SOMEONE ELSE'S table kept coming back to our table and flirting with me.


I need to move to the US. This doesn't happen in vikingland.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I need to move to Vikingland... Your women are tall and STACKED... Foreign exchange...?


----------



## no_dice

BlackMastodon said:


> A little?



I was trying to be tactful.


----------



## UnderTheSign

no_dice said:


> I understand you're not talking about actual rape. It's just disturbing to me that people enjoy the idea of forced sex to the point that it gets them off to think about it or simulate it.
> 
> I also get that it's your right to enjoy whatever you want in your private life. I just think your post was a little close to the boundary of what's appropriate to talk about on this public forum.


Agreed. Though I know a bunch of people with rape fantasies (primarily women for some reason - apparently it's the #3 ranked fantasy for women?) and don't necessarily think they're wrong (within boundaries, consent and proper discussion beforehand are key), I wouldn't go around discussing them on SSO. A more sex-specific forum would be more suited.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Oh I know plenty of chicks with rape fantasies or that in hindsight may have had them but they typically present it with something a bit more playful sounding like "Slap me!" or "Pull my hair!" which in the moment doesn't sound as brutal as I'm sure it might look... 

As a man, thinking about taking pleasure in dominating a woman in that way or thinking about her pretending to not want it as I have my way with her anyway makes me feel very strange and semi pathetic, but that's just me. It almost seems like for a man it *could* stem from some sort of inferiority complex... Then again, you *could* just be super kinky... Everyone is different.


----------



## no_dice

Konfyouzd said:


> Oh I know plenty of chicks with rape fantasies or that in hindsight may have had them but they typically present it with something a bit more playful sounding like "Slap me!" or "Pull my hair!" which in the moment doesn't sound as brutal as I'm sure it might look...
> 
> As a man, thinking about taking pleasure in dominating a woman in that way or thinking about her pretending to not want it as I have my way with her anyway makes me feel very strange and semi pathetic, but that's just me. It almost seems like for a man it *could* stem from some sort of inferiority complex... Then again, you *could* just be super kinky... Everyone is different.



Almost every girl I've been with has liked it a little rough, but there's a real fine line between a girl saying, "Ooh I like that" and moaning with pleasure, and a girl crying and begging you to stop. I, personally, could never enjoy the latter of the two, but I know there are a considerable amount of people out there that do.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I had a girl cry during sex once and my mind was BLOWN... Wood instantly gone...

Now what she explained to me is some shit that I think only women can understand bc it freaks me out to this day... But for whatever reason... She told me that I had been "being extra sweet that day" and somehow the day culminating with a physical display of love moved her in such a way that cried...

So... While it *sounded* as though the crying was a good thing, my penis and I decided that it might be best to just watch a movie...


----------



## boroducci

Konfyouzd said:


> I had a girl cry during sex once and my mind was BLOWN... Wood instantly gone...
> 
> Now what she explained to me is some shit that I think only women can understand bc it freaks me out to this day... But for whatever reason... She told me that I had been "being extra sweet that day" and somehow the day culminating with a physical display of love moved her in such a way that cried...
> 
> So... While it *sounded* as though the crying was a good thing, my penis and I decided that it might be best to just watch a movie...



it's so usual. You never know about "happy tears"?


----------



## Konfyouzd

I've heard of happy tears, I just feel like they were poorly timed... But I guess you don't call inspiration; it calls you...


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Konfyouzd said:


> Oh and yesterday... Weirdest thing ever...
> 
> I went out to lunch with a female co-worker... A waitress from SOMEONE ELSE'S table kept coming back to our table and flirting with me. First she just happened to be the one to run our food out. When she came to the table she was normal at first, then when she got to me she kinda started acting weird... And she was just making up any reason to continue the convo so she could stay at the table...
> 
> Five minutes later she's back and she puts a drink down on the table...
> 
> "Taste this..."
> 
> Dafuq...?
> 
> She says it was an Arnold Palmer, but I'm still not sure why I should taste it and not one of the many patrons at the bar (I know it's non-alcoholic, but it came from the bar, why walk it ALL the way over to my booth?)...


Mr.Konfyouzd,have you ever had sex with a waitress on a table?


----------



## boroducci

My wife loves to say "I'm so happy that I want to cry". It confused me first time 10 years ago)


----------



## Konfyouzd

Obsidian Soul said:


> Mr.Konfyouzd,have you ever had sex with a waitress on a table?



My last gf was a waitress... I don't think we ever defiled any tables, though... Needa do that now... Just rent out a Ruby Tuesday and do work...


----------



## Obsidian Soul

^Your fetish is unveiled


----------



## Konfyouzd

One of em... 

None of mine are violent... Just strange and specific... 

"Now for this next position we're gonna need a protractor and Reddi Whip"


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Konfyouzd said:


> One of em...
> 
> None of mine are violent...



Imma need staples, nails, a whip, four belts, a blindfold, and a roll of duck tape.
I'M GOING IN RAW!!!

Oh..and Imma need a hammer...b*tches love hammers...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Bitches do love hammers...


----------



## boroducci

sex on table is funny. especially if this is your working table. and this is working time. and someone knocking to your office door


----------



## Murmel

Konfyouzd said:


> I need to move to Vikingland... Your women are tall and STACKED... Foreign exchange...?


Actually, mammaries worth speaking of are very uncommon here. Sorry to disappoint


----------



## Konfyouzd

I'm not a big boon guy anyway. I just like something tall w a decent shape and a nice small. Not sure why I like em so tall. The more woman the better I guess (depending on how you mean it... and how much woman)...


----------



## soliloquy

if we are bragging...
hand job in a library where the librarian came up to us, had an uncomfortably long conversation during the ordeal...

sex in a theatre
oral in a theatre.

the theatre part made twilight memorable....


----------



## AndruwX

I think you guys, took me too serious...
I'm now scared of replying this thread.

Is not a rape fantasie, I think I just went full retard writing that shit, so, sorry for that, I'm not a creepy maniac or something. Also, I know is kind of private, but I think it was funny to share something crazy like that since we were touching the sex thing...

Honestly, I'm pretty sorry for that...
Also, ""Now for this next position we're gonna need a protractor and Reddi Whip", what's wrong with using Reddi Whip in intimate moments?


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

AndruwX said:


> Also, ""Now for this next position we're gonna need a protractor and Reddi Whip", what's wrong with using Reddi Whip in intimate moments?


Nothing...nothing at all  BTW what's Reddi Whip called in Portuguese? (If you speak it)


----------



## AndruwX

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> Nothing...nothing at all  BTW what's Reddi Whip called in Portuguese? (If you speak it)



I don't know, but I think in latinoamerica is called "Chantilly"


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

AndruwX said:


> I don't know, but I think in latinoamerica is called "Chantilly"


Wow "Chantilly" is not what I was expecting it to be.


----------



## boroducci

what is Reddi Whip?


----------



## MFB

Its whipped cream, hence the whip part of the name and its always ready to go; aka RediWhip


----------



## boroducci

sometimes it's hard to understand non-russians))
what interesting in reddiWhip?))


----------



## MFB

Nothing "interesting" per se. Just tasty.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Tasty = understatement...

It's damn delicious...


----------



## boroducci

It's as delicious as pancakes with raspberry jam?)


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

boroducci said:


> It's as delicious as pancakes with raspberry jam?)


Nope.


----------



## Leveebreaks

Man I don't check this thread for a few days and look what happens

Has there been some kind of hormonal surge across the internet while I was offline?

Edit: getting married in 9 weeks, absolutely bricking it.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

So, this painfully cute chick is talking to me, and I want to bone and wife her. But she is busy and she doesn't really have a lot of time. Should I be patient or just continue my search?


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

The Spanish Inquisition said:


> So, this painfully cute chick is talking to me, and I want to bone and wife her. But she is busy and she doesn't really have a lot of time. Should I be patient or just continue my search?


Both.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> Both.



thx


----------



## pondman

Love is a dog from hell !

As Charles Bukowski said .


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

The Spanish Inquisition said:


> thx


Welcome, it's cool to persue someone if your into them, since nothing has really happened between you guys, you should persue her and other woman as well, don't put all your eggs in one basket as they say.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> Welcome, it's cool to persue someone if your into them, since nothing has really happened between you guys, you should persue her and other woman as well, don't put all your eggs in one basket as they say.



I want to put stuff in her eggs, if you catch my drift. But I am an impatient bastard so this sucks.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

The Spanish Inquisition said:


> I want to put stuff in her eggs, if you catch my drift.


 That's what this thread is all about, ask her out on a date, maybe a walk somewhere around town, and try to stay patient or at least cover up the impatience chicks hate that. Maybe some of the previous post before we got to the fantasies  will help.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> That's what this thread is all about, ask her out on a date, maybe a walk somewhere around town, and try to stay patient or at least cover up the impatience chicks hate that. Maybe some of the previous post before we got to the fantasies  will help.



Well, I do know she thinks I look good. But that's not enough to go all out. And she doesn't live in my city, so just going for a walk will take me half an hour in the car to get there.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

The Spanish Inquisition said:


> Well, I do know she thinks I look good. But that's not enough to go all out. And she doesn't live in my city, so just going for a walk will take me half an hour in the car to get there.


In that case go with the date, any place you have in mind?


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> In that case go with the date, any place you have in mind?



Well, like I said before, she doesn't have a lot of time. But I do ask now and then whether she has time. But if we were to plan something, I'd probably go to the city with her, and we'll see afterwards.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

The Spanish Inquisition said:


> Well, like I said before, she doesn't have a lot of time. But I do ask now and then whether she has time. But if we were to plan something, I'd probably go to the city with her, and we'll see afterwards.


Keep at it and see where it goes, and keep us updated.


----------



## soliloquy

humm....story time...

i've known this girl for more than a decade. she used to like me off and on, but i was never available as i was either trying to get over one girl, or didn't want to be her rebound guy, or was in a relationship myself. our timing never clicked, but over the last decade we became really good friends. i'm now single, and shes 'kind of' seeing someone but nothing exclusive. 

i'm wondering if its worth reigniting old flames, whatever they maybe. if i do, i do risk the chance to lose the oldest friend i have. if i do, i might have a great relationship. 

however, i know she officially 'brother-zoned' me. she thinks i friend zoned her. though i know her personality isn't one i normally go for when looking for a relationship. i like more quirky but level headed girls. shes kinda quirky but very easily moved/swayed one way or another, thus isn't the most confident person...

humm....


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

Today at work some random girl was flirting with me and my hilariously awesome coworker ended up giving her my phone number. 

I love my friends/coworkers


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## icos211

So this is the first week back to college. Every day I have been dressing my nicest, shining my new black cowboy boots, doing my hair, combing my beard, and trying everything to look and smell great. All because there is a very beautiful sorority girl living in my dorm who I was hoping to invite to the Skeletonwitch/Enslaved/Amon Amarth show next Tuesday(It's the best I could come up with). I would usually pass her and we'd say hi and such every day last semester, but so far I have only seen her once this week. I pussed out that time because she was with her friends and I was with my friends and everyone was trying to leave the extremely crowded dining hall at that point. I looked my best today(black sweater, black jeans, black boots, black fedora with a white band, oddly straight hair, coming off of two straight days of working out like hell), and was feeling my most confident, having promised myself that this would be the day. I was on the lookout all day, and didn't see her anywhere. While I guess that there is still time left in the day, I don't have any plans to go anywhere, and don't see any opportunity to run into her. I only have one more nice shirt, so tomorrow is kind of it before I have to go back to scary, gruesome band t-shirts and disheveled, ratty, or poorly fitting jeans.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

icos211 said:


> So this is the first week back to college. Every day I have been dressing my nicest, shining my new black cowboy boots, doing my hair, combing my beard, and trying everything to look and smell great. All because there is a very beautiful sorority girl living in my dorm who I was hoping to invite to the Skeletonwitch/Enslaved/Amon Amarth show next Tuesday(It's the best I could come up with). I would usually pass her and we'd say hi and such every day last semester, but so far I have only seen her once this week. I pussed out that time because she was with her friends and I was with my friends and everyone was trying to leave the extremely crowded dining hall at that point. I looked my best today(black sweater, black jeans, black boots, black fedora with a white band, oddly straight hair, coming off of two straight days of working out like hell), and was feeling my most confident, having promised myself that this would be the day. I was on the lookout all day, and didn't see her anywhere. While I guess that there is still time left in the day, I don't have any plans to go anywhere, and don't see any opportunity to run into her. I only have one more nice shirt, so tomorrow is kind of it before I have to go back to scary, gruesome band t-shirts and disheveled, ratty, or poorly fitting jeans.


Unfortunately,we live in an unequal society.It's up to you to hunt her down.I would find her and ask her out.Just have a conversation,say you have to go afterwards,and ask her out so it doesn't seem premeditated.If she died rejects the date and doesn't offer an alternative date,it's time to move on.I learned that the hard way

Edit:And that's just a suggestion...


----------



## -42-

icos211 said:


> So this is the first week back to college. Every day I have been dressing my nicest, shining my new black cowboy boots, doing my hair, combing my beard, and trying everything to look and smell great. All because there is a very beautiful sorority girl living in my dorm who I was hoping to invite to the Skeletonwitch/Enslaved/Amon Amarth show next Tuesday(It's the best I could come up with). I would usually pass her and we'd say hi and such every day last semester, but so far I have only seen her once this week. I pussed out that time because she was with her friends and I was with my friends and everyone was trying to leave the extremely crowded dining hall at that point. I looked my best today(black sweater, black jeans, black boots, black fedora with a white band, oddly straight hair, coming off of two straight days of working out like hell), and was feeling my most confident, having promised myself that this would be the day. I was on the lookout all day, and didn't see her anywhere. While I guess that there is still time left in the day, I don't have any plans to go anywhere, and don't see any opportunity to run into her. I only have one more nice shirt, so tomorrow is kind of it before I have to go back to scary, gruesome band t-shirts and disheveled, ratty, or poorly fitting jeans.



Some advice:
- black everything isn't really the best look
- fedoras have a pretty awful rep
- inviting a girl to a show is nice but unless you know she's into metal, a metal show is a bit of a stretch, a first date should be something that you both would enjoy
- get her number/facebook/to know her before you decide to ask her out, if the only interacting you've had is saying 'hi' in the halls then you two aren't really in a position to date
- get used to hanging out with a girl's friends if you're intent on dating her
- groups can be intimidating to approach but it doesn't hurt to drop in and say "pardon me, but could I have a moment to talk with [name]"
- if you want advice on how to make the most of the clothes you have, SSO has a fashion thread with some decent pointers
- do your best not to worry about rejection, it happens and it sucks but it's not the end of the world

Good luck, dude.


----------



## vilk

^I was going to say the same sorts of things, but imo you should not say _pardon me, could I have a moment to talk to ..._. That would actually make more sense with the fedora. Just ask her out in front of her friends. Be like, hey, do you like metal? If she says no, then be like, oh.. well, you still wouldn't want to come to a show with me would you? If she says yes, then be like, oh well you should definitely come to this show with me.


----------



## Bekanor

Two kinds of people wear fedoras, Indiana Jones and child molesters. 


I hope you have a .... load of artifacts.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Bekanor said:


> Two kinds of people wear fedoras.
> 
> Indiana Jones and Child Molesters.
> 
> 
> I hope you have a .... load of artifacts.


Jason Mraz?


----------



## Bekanor

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> Jason Mraz?



No idea who that is, no interest in finding out. Joke is joke.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Bekanor said:


> No idea who that is, no interest in finding out. Joke is joke.


I knew it was a joke but how can you have not heard of Jason Mraz but know what a Fedora is? They're like hand and hand.


----------



## AndruwX

Remember all those comments about my ex and how much she made me suffer?
She went to therapy, and now we're friendly texting.

Weird.


----------



## flint757

A long, long time ago I had mentioned the story about me 'dating' a chick who was engaged to someone else who was away in the military (yes I know very bad form, but it takes 2 to tango sooo...). Few months after that I severed all contact with her as things were going nowhere good for me, she got married and I moved on. 

About a year later she got a divorce and moved back into town (I had nothing to do with it, the guy was a genuine douche). I've been ignoring 60% of her texts for the longest time, but I've been engaging her more often as of late mostly because I don't have very many girl friends and we had descent fun together drama aside. I feel like hanging out with her and her friends lends itself both to more opportunities and not stagnating some of my more polished social skills. 

I don't plan on anything happening between us though (then again I'm terrible at planning things ). Honestly it'd be completely unfair to her and me if anything did happen from my perspective. I'm a little bit of a commitment phobe who takes too much interest in fixing other peoples problems (apparently a form of co-dependence ) and she is at the time in an odd place emotionally (has been for awhile supposedly). I'm not really the type to take advantage of other people when they're down/weak.

Not sure what's going to happen, but we were good friends between all the BS so I can't in good conscience ignore her forever nor do I want to. At the same time the whole thing put me in a bad place emotionally and I'm really worried about rehashing old wounds/creating new ones. The way things went down between us depressed the shit out of me at a time when things were already really rough for me. My uncle had died, best bud got married and stopped talking/hanging for like a year, roommate/friend moved to Florida, CPS got involved in my families life and my sisters kids moved in with my mom, grades/GPA went down the toilet and I had to move out of my dope apartment for financial reasons. Everything is good now situation wise, friends, mental health, school, home life, etc. which is largely why I'm afraid to put myself out there in this situation and probably in general. 

Anyhow, I don't really need any advice, just needed to vent a little. So if you made it to the end thanks for listening.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Could I request some help in my love life/life in general?


----------



## Cabinet

No >:[


----------



## Bekanor

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> I knew it was a joke but how can you have not heard of Jason Mraz but know what a Fedora is? They're like hand and hand.



I know hipsters as a general irritant, I don't know their names.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Im Cuban. I knew what a fedora was before Jason Mraz...


----------



## icos211

Y'all just hate fedoras because you can't pull it off like I can 

But seriously, the black hat with a white band and the jet black boots with white stitching on the sole are just ten different kinds of sexy. On me, at least.

And about hunting her down, that's what I'm already trying to do! I just can't find her anywhere. The more I think about it, the more I think that she would not enjoy the show. So, um... other date, hopefully...

Or maybe not. I think I have a bad habit of trying to start something way too fast, or going too far too fast. That's what happened with the last girl(the flowers and such), I think. I did too much too fast and it probably put her off. Now this chick I've talked to a few times, and really I just want to get to know her better. I just don't know how else to do it. I have no experience in this field. My last(and only) girlfriend was a friend of mine for three years before I got up the courage to ask her. That lasted two years, and I had no intention of it ending. Now I'm here with no experience, no confidence, no friends really close enough to talk to(all my old friends were better friends with my ex, and thus when she left, they did as well), still kind of festering from an ugly and hurtful end to a relationship that I now kind of realize that I was treated like shit in, and still just trying to get some female attention.


Edit: I just looked up who Jason Mraz was. Not that kind of fedora, more Tom Landry.


----------



## -42-

vilk said:


> ^I was going to say the same sorts of things, but imo you should not say _pardon me, could I have a moment to talk to ..._. That would actually make more sense with the fedora. Just ask her out in front of her friends. Be like, hey, do you like metal? If she says no, then be like, oh.. well, you still wouldn't want to come to a show with me would you? If she says yes, then be like, oh well you should definitely come to this show with me.



Yeah but it seems pretty evident (I may just be super off base) that icos isn't super comfortable doing something that personal in front of a group, at least one composed of people he doesn't know. He can ask for a moment alone however he likes, I just used formal diction because that's how I write. 

Also icos, for future reference, get digits. Facebook is okay but your chances of hitting it off are much higher if you get her number, just don't bombard her with texts and you're good. You're also probably right about moving too fast, a lot of girls harbor the fantasy of being swept off their feet but it's usually just that, a fantasy.


----------



## Konfyouzd

icos211 said:


> Y'all just hate fedoras because you can't pull it off like I can
> 
> But seriously, the black hat with a white band and the jet black boots with white stitching on the sole are just ten different kinds of sexy. On me, at least.
> 
> And about hunting her down, that's what I'm already trying to do! I just can't find her anywhere. The more I think about it, the more I think that she would not enjoy the show. So, um... other date, hopefully...
> 
> Or maybe not. I think I have a bad habit of trying to start something way too fast, or going too far too fast. That's what happened with the last girl(the flowers and such), I think. I did too much too fast and it probably put her off. Now this chick I've talked to a few times, and really I just want to get to know her better. I just don't know how else to do it. I have no experience in this field. My last(and only) girlfriend was a friend of mine for three years before I got up the courage to ask her. That lasted two years, and I had no intention of it ending. Now I'm here with no experience, no confidence, no friends really close enough to talk to(all my old friends were better friends with my ex, and thus when she left, they did as well), still kind of festering from an ugly and hurtful end to a relationship that I now kind of realize that I was treated like shit in, and still just trying to get some female attention.
> 
> 
> Edit: I just looked up who Jason Mraz was. Not that kind of fedora, more Tom Landry.



I pull off a fedora like you wouldn't believe, but I always feel overdressed when I have hats that match my outfits for some reason... I like to keep it extra caveman style...


----------



## bifftannen

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> Could I request some help in my love life/life in general?


 
Lay it on us brother.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I like how there's a good diverse array of advice in here too from sensitive to straight up, "eff that hoe..."


----------



## UnderTheSign

icos211 said:


> Y'all just hate fedoras because you can't pull it off like I can


We're just saying, your fedora might not be as awesome as you think it is. Not saying it's the case with you but you wouldn't be the first to overestimate the fedora.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

bifftannen said:


> Lay it on us brother.


I posted a novel a few pages back, I guess it was too long so I got no responses. But the tl;dr version is, I've had terrible social anxiety all my life, got so bad that I went to homeschooling. I've gotten much better at being around large groups of people, but since I'm doing homeschooling I have no friends anymore. I lost touch with my closest friends when I left public school. I'll be graduating High school a year early, because I can get much more work done, than at a regular public school. But my social life is almost non-existent, can you guys help me out with how to get back out there, I'll be joining a gym this week, but most likely there'll be college students and adults there (I'm 17) so I probably wouldn't be able to make any friends there or meet girls of my age there. (the college students maybe but that's a stretch) Any pointers?


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> I like how there's a good diverse array of advice in here too from sensitive to straight up, "eff that hoe..."


----------



## flint757

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> I posted a novel a few pages back, I guess it was too long so I got no responses. But the tl;dr version is, I've had terrible social anxiety all my life, got so bad that I went to homeschooling. I've gotten much better at being around large groups of people, but since I'm doing homeschooling I have no friends anymore. I lost touch with my closest friends when I left public school. I'll be graduating High school a year early, because I can get much more work done, than at a regular public school. But my social life is almost non-existent, can you guys help me out with how to get back out there, I'll be joining a gym this week, but most likely there'll be college students and adults there (I'm 17) so I probably wouldn't be able to make any friends there or meet girls of my age there. (the college students maybe but that's a stretch) Any pointers?



You just have to do things. It is both simple and hard when it is out of your comfort zone. Join a club, start a new hobby, if someone is in the vicinity of you strike a conversation, etc. Life isn't really any different than high school when it comes to socializing, it just makes it easier because you are all there against your will. My best friends are still from grade school so I'm probably not the best suited for giving you advice though.  

When you start college you can do the same thing, hobbies, clubs, etc., but you'll also have study groups, group projects and whatnot to make meeting new people a little less awkward. The key isn't really meeting new people, but engaging them and maintaining a new friendship. I've met tons of new people since college and even in High School had lots of 'friends'. My problem has always been that I don't really engage or maintain the friendships which is silly because the hard part is already done at that point. The important thing to do once you've made new acquaintances is to invite them to things: Concerts, a movie, game, watch sports, play pool, whatever.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^ Thanks man I feel like I'm WAY behind in terms "social progression" for lack of a better word, like there's so much stuff I haven't done social wise that most people my age have. And to the striking a conversation part, being into metal and my choice of clothing isn't really the norm where I'm from. (read my novel to see what I mean fully, it's to long to explain) Hopefully college will get me around more open minded people.


----------



## Konfyouzd

This is a relationship of sorts and it kinda bothers me that this kinda shit goes down...

Now I can't act like I've never participated in this sort of behavior; we all have to grow up some time and I myself and still knee deep in that process...

But...

We have a new dude in the office that is openly gay. He's super high up and so a lot of ppl kind of have to listen to him whether they want to or not.

I have absolutely no problem with the guy because as far as the job *I* perform is concerned, he truly seems to have my best interested--as well as those around me--in mind simply because he recognizes the importance of everyone's role to the overall goal...

What bothers me is that there seems to be a lot of rando furtive chit chat here and there about him and his romantic preferences as if it has anything at all to do with the job we perform.

Do the rest of us stand around talking about how straight we are? And if so, what does it accomplish? 

I have NEVER understood what's s interesting to other ppl about who everyone else chooses to screw, date, whatever...


----------



## Obsidian Soul

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> ^ Thanks man I feel like I'm WAY behind in terms "social progression" for lack of a better word, like there's so much stuff I haven't done social wise that most people my age have. And to the striking a conversation part, being into metal and my choice of clothing isn't really the norm where I'm from. (read my novel to see what I mean fully, it's to long to explain) Hopefully college will get me around more open minded people.


I'm in college right now,and I say yes and no.I'm kind of in the situation you're in(18 years old,never had a gf,not really a people person,etc.),but it would probably help a lot if you tried to develop relationships with others.Some classes require study groups that can unite students to a point where you can become a lot more comfortable.The students are generally a lot more mature than the ones in high school.As far as women,I can't tell you because it depends on many factors(fashion,population,etc.).For me,I think it's a bit more easier.Occasionally,I'll get the glance with a smile,but I'm not really in a position to pursue atm...


----------



## The Reverend

Christ on a crucifix, what happened here?? John Ice would not approve. I feel like I've said that before, but it bears repeating. 

Those of you with long memories and a penchant for reading posts that are rather lengthy may remember my self-imposed challenge to approach the girl of my dreams in the creepiest way possible. Well, I have topped even that. 

I picked up a girl at a pool party while pretending I was disabled from the waist down. 

The only words I have for an explanation are quoting Kanye West, finding abandoned wheelchairs in dumpsters, and copious amounts of free alcohol being given out willynilly.


----------



## bifftannen

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> I posted a novel a few pages back, I guess it was too long so I got no responses. But the tl;dr version is, I've had terrible social anxiety all my life, got so bad that I went to homeschooling. I've gotten much better at being around large groups of people, but since I'm doing homeschooling I have no friends anymore. I lost touch with my closest friends when I left public school. I'll be graduating High school a year early, because I can get much more work done, than at a regular public school. But my social life is almost non-existent, can you guys help me out with how to get back out there, I'll be joining a gym this week, but most likely there'll be college students and adults there (I'm 17) so I probably wouldn't be able to make any friends there or meet girls of my age there. (the college students maybe but that's a stretch) Any pointers?


 
You're going in the right direction with joining a gym and this was previously mentioned but look into joining a club. I met some cool people through my gym and ended up dating one of them! 
What it comes down to is practice, when I was your age I was uncomfortable in social situations too. I got to a point where I decided to keep plugging away at it until I was more outgoing....aaaand I eventually turned into a man-whore!  

Also about 8 years ago I lost my two best friends over some bullsh*t that I didn't even do and I ended having to look for friends again. I had a friendly acquaintance that I met out so I exchanged numbers with him and he was going out for a drink the weekend after and I simply asked if he minded if I tagged along. That one simple text changed my life, I gained a whole new set of best friends (better than the last two spazwits) who I'm closer to than anyone on this earth. So my point is, if you have a friendly acquaintance ask to hang out e.g. if you're into the same band get some tickets and go together.


----------



## bifftannen

The Reverend said:


> Christ on a crucifix, what happened here?? John Ice would not approve. I feel like I've said that before, but it bears repeating.
> 
> Those of you with long memories and a penchant for reading posts that are rather lengthy may remember my self-imposed challenge to approach the girl of my dreams in the creepiest way possible. Well, I have topped even that.
> 
> I picked up a girl at a pool party while pretending I was disabled from the waist down.
> 
> The only words I have for an explanation are quoting Kanye West, finding abandoned wheelchairs in dumpsters, and copious amounts of free alcohol being given out willynilly.


 
That is the funniest post I've read on this site so far! You sir are a hero! My town is too small for me to get away with that!!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Was watching Judge Judy...

Every time a lady and her husband got into a verbal altercation--not even physical--she would call the police... 

He told her if she did it again he'd kick her out...

She did it again, he kicked her out...

She's now mad about it...

Somehow all I could get from that was: He was a man of his word and that's more than most ppl can ask for in almost any situation...


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Konfyouzd said:


> Somehow all I could get from that was: He was a man of his word and that's more than most ppl can ask for in almost any situation...


Woman: They get what they want, and it's still not enough.  BTW Who's JohnIce, is he related to Keith Stone, who stays cool always.


----------



## spadz93

last time i posted here i was talking to a girl whom i had hooked up with and split a bed with. yeah, turns out two days later she gets a boyfriend  she never heard from me again. so i decided to check out my okcupid to see if anyone messaged me, and it turns out someone did. this cute girl that lives like 25 minutes from me started messaging me, so we talked, exchanged numbers, and she wants to go ice skating tonight (holy cheeseball). will post later with results. let's hope i dont have my time wasted again like i did with the last girl. still pissed about that a bit...


----------



## no_dice

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> Who's JohnIce, is he related to Keith Stone, who stays cool always.



JohnIce is a member here. Not sure what his approval has to do with this thread though.


----------



## Murmel

JohnIce was the love guru in this thread about 2 years back. Telling the story of how he went from beta to alpha and shared his advice and wisdom with less fortunate members.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Murmel said:


> JohnIce was the love guru in this thread about 2 years back. Telling the story of how he went from beta to alpha and shared his advice and wisdom with less fortunate members.


Well where's the ....er now, we clearly need his help.


----------



## Murmel

Honestly, I think he got tired of all the the bullshit


----------



## Ibanezsam4

you know you guys can go back to the early days of this thread and read his advice still right? i mean this thread just repeats itself every few months


----------



## Konfyouzd

The point of writing revealed.


----------



## icos211

Well that didn't work. Much sad.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

icos211 said:


> Well that didn't work. Much sad.


You wanna talk about it?


----------



## MFB

The amount of apathy I have towards dating has reached a level of "holy shit"itude. Do I look at women? Sure. Do I have any desire to do more than that really? Not at all. Too much work in my head.

It's been just over 3 years since my last relation, which means something should pop up out of nowhere since that's kind of the time-frame it happens (prior to her my last girlfriend was 2.5/3 years before too)


----------



## icos211

So I went in to sit down with my food in the dining hall. She was at the table directly behind me. Some of my friends were coming in shortly, but it looked like I was sitting alone. So she actually asked me if I wanted to come sit with her and her room mate. I initially said no, pussing out, due to sheer surprise and lack of planning, but was encouraged to take her up on the offer by a female friend who witnessed it. So I did. At that point, several guys entered, and sat all around us. When that happened, I pretty much clammed up for a little while. But I powered through my reservedness, and made an effort to be part of the conversation. However, no one really seemed to pay attention to me, least of all her. Afterwards, when I made an attempt to ask her if she wanted to get together sometime, the words failed to come in any satisfactory fashion, and I was met with "Yeah, sure, we'll have lunch sometime". Not said in an eager way, mind you, more of the whole "I'm not going to hurt your feelings, but don't expect anything". So, no nothing. I've actually exhausted my list of women that I'm interested in(except the aforementioned female friend, but I'm not her type).


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

icos211 said:


> So I went in to sit down with my food in the dining hall. She was at the table directly behind me. Some of my friends were coming in shortly, but it looked like I was sitting alone. So she actually asked me if I wanted to come sit with her and her room mate. I initially said no, pussing out, due to sheer surprise and lack of planning, but was encouraged to take her up on the offer by a female friend who witnessed it. So I did. At that point, several guys entered, and sat all around us. When that happened, I pretty much clammed up for a little while. But I powered through my reservedness, and made an effort to be part of the conversation. However, no one really seemed to pay attention to me, least of all her. Afterwards, when I made an attempt to ask her if she wanted to get together sometime, the words failed to come in any satisfactory fashion, and I was met with "Yeah, sure, we'll have lunch sometime". Not said in an eager way, mind you, more of the whole "I'm not going to hurt your feelings, but don't expect anything". So, no nothing. I've actually exhausted my list of women that I'm interested in(except the aforementioned female friend, but I'm not her type).


Ouch, I understand the crowd nervousness that'll throw game off big time. But try and get her number if you haven't already, it would make it a lot easier to get to know her (if she's interested) in a more private environment.


----------



## Bekanor

Date 3 with geeky girl went awesome, this has potential relationship written all over it.


----------



## vilk

I still haven't broken up with my girlfriend. How do I grow testicles? She keeps coming over to my place all the time and every day I have off I still end up hanging out with her and it's totally defeating the purpose of me moving out to begin with. I'm too much of a nice guy. She always says 'I want to come over tonight but I don't want to bother you' and I always wuss out and say something like 'nah it's ok you wont bother me' but it does. And all of this is besides the point anyway because I just need to cut the cord. How???? C'mon guys motivate me!


----------



## flint757

The only way to do it is to just do it. Say 'were done'. I mean if you're truly incapable of breaking it off in person then write her a letter or something. It's not classy, but it's far better than you dragging it out forever bro. 

When she wants to come over say your busy if you can't break it off. And if you can't even do that I don't know what you can do man.


----------



## Nykur_Myrkvi

flint757 said:


> The only way to do it is to just do it. Say 'were done'. I mean if you're truly incapable of breaking it off in person then write her a letter or something. It's not classy, but it's far better than you dragging it out forever bro.



This would be my advice as well. The longer you wait it'll just get harder for the both of you.


----------



## spadz93

forgot to post back. twas a good weekend. for the initial post, see post #7806 just before.

So, we went ice skating, and it was pretty fun, short of the fact that her little sister was bugging her to come with, so it ended up being a bit of a babysitting trip. No biggie, i took it in stride and took the initiative to show that i'm a family-guy (yay extra brownie points)

The next night (saturday), we ended up going to see the new paranormal activity (don't see it, it's literally the same shit as all the other ones, almost to a tee). after, we kinda just drove around, went to some park, and i took her to one of those cheesy places where you can see NYC from the other side of the hudson, then brought her home, and got a peck on the cheek.

Last night, on impulse she asked if i wanted to hang out, and i said sure, screw it. I picked her up, and had remembered the night before that she had said she was into architecture, so i brought her to a place by me that has some sick houses, which was a big hit. After, proceeded to cruise for a bit, finally dropping her off at home, and i decided to go in for the kill, and we ended up hooking up for a while.

And to think i had doubted online dating. Shit's legit lol


----------



## Guthrielicious

flint757 said:


> The only way to do it is to just do it. Say 'were done'. I mean if you're truly incapable of breaking it off in person then write her a letter or something. It's not classy, but it's far better than you dragging it out forever bro.
> 
> *When she wants to come over say your busy if you can't break it off. And if you can't even do that I don't know what you can do man*.



This reminded me of when I broke up with my last girlfriend for some reason. I texted her the usual "We need to talk"-kind of thing, but said that I didn't have time to meet at the time. She kept asking me, but I told her that I was too busy that day. 30-40 mins later she is standing in my doorway and crying. Then of course I had no other reason than to dump her as she didn't listen to me when I told her I didn't have the time that particular day . Douchemode off\ 

Really it was the best relationship I ever had and if she had not changed so much in appearance and personality (as well as myself) I would probably still be together with her now.. It was good times, but then again now I have more time to practice


----------



## MFB

You guys wouldn't believe the amount of cuties at the gyms tonight. Where are they all at during the day?


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

MFB said:


> You guys wouldn't believe the amount of cuties at the gyms tonight. Where are they all at during the day?


School/work


----------



## MFB

Psssh, they're the same age as me and I manage to go to the gym around school/work. Ain't nobody working that same schedule every day at that age.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Maybe you've just been going to the gym at the wrong time then.


----------



## icos211

The gym here is usually the most full from 11:00 am to 4:00pm(It's nearly impossible to find open machines around 3). I usually try to go around 8 and work out till 10 or 11, as that's when it's most empty, oddly. I as well would have thought that it would be the other way around, considering classes.


----------



## wat

I have a penis


----------



## Mexi

so some random girl messaged me on OKC, saying that she got a genuine kick from reading my profile and wanted to get together sometime. She plays classical guitar, likes post rock, intellectual conversations and is quite cute. We're going to this pub downtown that specializes in local microbrews this Friday. After my last disaster of a date last month, I'm definitely going in with reduced expectations this time around. At the very least we have wayyy more shit in common to talk about should things get awkward.


----------



## asher

Mexi said:


> so some random girl messaged me on OKC, saying that she got a genuine kick from reading my profile and wanted to get together sometime. She plays classical guitar, likes post rock, intellectual conversations and is quite cute. We're going to this pub downtown that specializes in local microbrews this Friday. After my last disaster of a date last month, I'm definitely going in with reduced expectations this time around. At the very least we have wayyy more shit in common to talk about should things get awkward.



Dude, that sounds like it could be awesome.

Break all the legs!


----------



## MFB

asher said:


> Break all the legs!



Dude it's a first date, you gotta wait till it's not TOTALLY suspicious before you go and do something like that


----------



## asher

MFB said:


> Dude it's a first date, you gotta wait till it's not TOTALLY suspicious before you go and do something like that



No wonder...


----------



## UnderTheSign

Half year mark coming up with the girlfriend. Contemplating showing up at her doorstep with flowers or something really cheesy cause she loves cheesy and (claims to) hates overly romantic crap...


----------



## AndruwX

UnderTheSign said:


> Half year mark coming up with the girlfriend. Contemplating showing up at her doorstep with flowers or something really cheesy cause she loves cheesy and (claims to) hates overly romantic crap...



As a guy with a cheese girlfriend who loves horror movies and dislike romance/drama ones... I tell you she will love the flowers. And no, I'm not being sarcastic.


----------



## UnderTheSign

AndruwX said:


> As a guy with a cheese girlfriend who loves horror movies and dislike romance/drama ones... I tell you she will love the flowers. And no, I'm not being sarcastic.


Mine is the same. Loves horror, asian stuff, cult, English humour, hates chick flicks...


----------



## icos211

AndruwX said:


> As a guy with a cheese girlfriend who loves horror movies and dislike romance/drama ones... I tell you she will love the flowers. And no, I'm not being sarcastic.









The truth is revealed!

Andruw, your relationship just keeps getting stranger and stranger.

(I chose swiss because of the holes  )


----------



## AndruwX

icos211 said:


> The truth is revealed!
> 
> Andruw, your relationship just keeps getting stranger and stranger.
> 
> (I chose swiss because of the holes  )



Too many holes!


----------



## BucketheadRules

Ugh, I've had nowhere near enough sleep and I'm so, so tired... and my mind has decided to put me in a bad mood by putting the opposite sex (well ok... my complete lack of success with the opposite sex) on my mind, which is just bringing me down. Ok, you may have to prepare yourselves for a wall of text. If you sit through it and actually read it, thank you. If you offer some advice, thank you more. I'm 18, having never had a relationship or anything of that sort while most people I know seemed to start doing that around the age of 15... 

Basically, throughout my teens I suffered from acne, and that made school really difficult for a few years. I got bullied, and my self-confidence pretty much went overnight. So I didn't ever go out, didn't really make much of an effort to be sociable because I didn't much want anyone, particularly girls, to see me looking like I did. Now it's cleared up and I feel a little better about my appearance. I'm not particularly good-looking but I'm not the Elephant Man or anything. The self-confidence problem is still kind of there though - I'm fine with talking to girls and I have quite a few female friends, but I can never, ever bring myself to try and take things any further. 

Here are the numerous things holding me back - not having much of a clue of what to say, along with a fear of rejection and some kind of automatic "don't be ridiculous" function in my brain that just makes me assume that I will be unsuccessful and that it's not worth trying - which seems to satisfy the fear of rejection and saves my ass with regard to not knowing what to say. It's kind of just a nagging feeling that I'm not really good enough - not confident enough, not attractive enough, or just not "boyfriend material", whatever. The other thing is that I'm just really guarded with my emotions - combination of shyness and embarrassment. For whatever reason I don't like talking to people about this stuff, not even my closest friends and especially not my family, which I know is awful - I feel like I have a little bit more anonymity posting it in this thread, but it still takes a lot for me to want to say it even here. I guess that comes across when I'm talking to a girl I kind of like as well - I don't flirt, I can't flirt. I just kind of clam up and get nervous. Which doesn't really help.

I get that all these things I'm thinking really aren't helping, and that it's all in my mind and it's for me to overcome myself, but I just don't know how to get over it. Advice welcomed.

I always try to think that I'm not bothered about it and that it'll just happen when it happens, and I've become used to telling other people that it doesn't bother me, but I'm getting kind of sick of kidding myself. It does bother me. There have been lots of girls I've been really attracted to and wanted to get closer to, but I have just never acted on it, which bugs me - it makes me feel really stupid, and seeing loads of other people in happy relationships while I've never been anywhere close just makes me feel like a failure. I want to actually get somewhere for once.

Like I say, if you read this, thank you. Advice would be appreciated.


----------



## UnderTheSign

I wish I could give you some advice here but I can't. All I can say is it wasn't till I was 19 that I had my first 'real' (ie more than a week-long fling) girlfriend. My little brother just turned 21, has never had a girlfriend and it doesn't really seem to bug him much. Hell, up until last summer I was single for 3 years, too. What's most important is realising that you don't need a relationship to be happy. You shouldn't feel miserable as a single person when you see a happy couple. You should be happy living the single life because if you aren't happy now, you won't be happy in a relationship.


----------



## BucketheadRules

UnderTheSign said:


> I wish I could give you some advice here but I can't. All I can say is it wasn't till I was 19 that I had my first 'real' (ie more than a week-long fling) girlfriend. My little brother just turned 21, has never had a girlfriend and it doesn't really seem to bug him much. Hell, up until last summer I was single for 3 years, too. What's most important is realising that you don't need a relationship to be happy. You shouldn't feel miserable as a single person when you see a happy couple. You should be happy living the single life because if you aren't happy now, you won't be happy in a relationship.



Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or anything! I'm fine, happy enough and mentally sound, just feeling a bit low tonight and the aforementioned issues are something that's been preying on my mind for a while. Just happens to be tonight that I couldn't bottle it up like I usually do.

I'm not really "living the single life" as such, I'm just single, and increasingly wanting do something about that but not knowing where to start... I've never had so much as a week-long fling like you mention, let alone a girlfriend.


----------



## Murmel

I'm right there with you bro, I haven't even had a fling and I'm 19 and a half. Though I'm pretty much 99% confident that something would've happened if another dude hadn't existed in mine and a girl's life. I guess you could call it a fling of sorts, but whatever.

3 of my closest friends are girls though, and I'm not some extremely awkward person, just a bit  I'm generally seen as pretty strange until you get to know me and accept the strange.
I look good too, hooray for not being elephant men. 

I don't even have the urge to hunt, I'm not a people person so I almost never go out on weekends etc. People do ask me to go along with them though, so I could definitely do it if I wanted to.

Right now I feel like all I want is money so I can buy a sweet-ass car and a house


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Same here.I'm 18 and haven't even had my first kiss...


----------



## MFB

Obsidian Soul said:


> Same here.I'm 18 and haven't even had my first kiss...



That's when I had mine, and ironically enough it was with the first girl who I wanted to seriously date years before.

Shit happens, the more you try and anticipate it the less you'll see it coming


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

Growing up as a fat kid with acne, braces, glasses, and an affinity for housing reptiles and amphibians, I totally relate to the above few stories (full disclosure: I got contacts, exercised until I wasn't fat, and got my braces off by 16. if you don't like something, change it). The honest truth is you will get rejected some. It will suck really bad. You may not know what to do about it for a while. But you will miss 100% of the shots you don't take, guaranteed. The only way to get any reward is to take a risk, guaranteed.

My self confidence has shot straight through the roof since high school. I've had relationships with amazing people (inb4 were they hot) that I never thought I would at that age. I STILL get rejected sometimes. Fact of life, not everyone will like you. 

Everyone has flaws. I'm on the shorter side, legally blind at 21, will probably be bald by my early thirties, and will also likely have the body hair of a werewolf. Guess what? I'm still fuqqin awesome, because I'm me. Same goes for you guys. Hope this was more hopeful than just ranting.


----------



## vilk

@bucket, or anyone that has girls who are friend and doesn't know how to take the next step.

You have to not be afraid of losing them as a friend (which is hard, I know). Yes, friends are valuable, but so is experiencing having a girlfriend/sex. You don't have to be good at flirting verbally--I've never been. I flirt physically. Sit next to them, and touch them when some opportunity arises, these kinds of things. Finally, when it comes down to it, just sack up and try to kiss them. If they get angry, well then at least now you know it couldn't have been and you'll get some rest at night. If they're really your friend they'll forgive you for it, too, and you can still be friends. There's also the chance that you might just hook up but she doesn't want to date you--who cares, hooking up once with a hot friend is better than never (to me at least.)

I used to be pretty afraid of trying to get with any girl who I had 'friendzoned', that is to say some girl who I put into the friend category because I went so long without making a move (because I was chicken) that I actually care about our friendship and wouldn't want to .... it up. But at some point you gotta ask yourself what your priorities are. Just because someone is your friend doesn't mean they can't be more. And even if all that happens is you hook up and then decide that friendship is more important, it will probably give you the confidence to start trying it with new girls that you meet.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

SoItGoesRVA said:


> But you will miss 100% of the shots you don't take


Perfect.


----------



## Jonathan20022

Everyone's different, you shouldn't have your first anything just for the sake of having it. Most people seem to have it happen during High School, but how often does anything from High School even remotely last?  Had my first kiss Freshman year of College, girl is honestly a total keeper but between schedules and distance from each other outside of school, it didn't last that long. But it was a completely mutual split so we're still friends and hang out from time to time. I guess I'll ask you what you guys think, I've been single for about 2 years now, still gone on dates but never really moved into a full on relationship. I've been thinking about asking her out again since she's graduated and I'm already on my last stretch of my degree, seems a tad strange asking someone out again, but I guess I've just never heard of that or know how to go about it 

And I also met this girl last semester in my French Class, she's a wonderful singer and the professor gave us the opportunity for some extra credit. We had to perform something together and individually for a small ceremony. She sang over a french song while I played guitar and played a small chordal piece at the end. We ended up exchanging contact info and have been hanging out and writing music together ever since, we're actually working on an Amy Winehouse Cover right now! But anyways, she is very cute and pretty open minded/like minded. We've been having such a great time together, thinking about taking her out someplace nice and spending some time together for an evening. I've always heard you shouldn't date the people you work with, and I'm reluctant because I still want to work with her musically and put out some music!


----------



## vilk

I dunno, you think you guys are going to become professional musicians? There are lots of people to jam with, but it seems like there aren't so many girls that you like. I say you should go for it, and it ends up not working out and then you guys can't do Amy Winehouse covers I still think it would have been worth it.


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

As nice as that story was, my first thought was "Give her the D major!". I think sleep deprivation turns me into a douchebag, night all.


----------



## The Reverend

If you don't have confidence, the first thing you need to do is gather a body of evidence large enough for that part of your brain that keeps insisting on foisting insecurities to STFU. Talk to women (and men) everywhere. Talk to a cashier when you're buying a drink, talk to people in stores, talk to people who are waiting in proximity to you. Every experience like this will gradually give your subconscious the idea that you are indeed a normal person, and that people hear what you say without reacting in some crazy way. 

You also need to give yourself some love, too, and I don't mean masturbation. I think for a lot of guys the attitude towards appearance falls along a spectrum of "I don't care what I look like" to "I need a Frank & Hall blazer more than food." Find yourself somewhere in the middle. Exercise, if you're not confident in your body. I don't mean get ripped, I just mean exercise. It's good for you. Get a trendy haircut. Buy some clothes you normally wouldn't wear (provided we're not talking about latex bodysuits). All of this stuff helps you "get in character," so to speak. It provides enough of a barrier or buffer to the brain's self-image that you won't feel as anxious or nervous when taking risks. 

I don't know, man. We all have the tools to get where we need in life. Apply them properly, and with some luck, you'll get somewhere.


----------



## asher

Eventually I will split the difference between "newbie" and "damaged goods".


----------



## AndruwX

asher said:


> Eventually I will split the difference between "newbie" and "damaged goods".



"Damaged goods" ugh, I really hate that term. It's so ....ing sexist.


----------



## MFB

AndruwX said:


> "Damaged goods" ugh, I really hate that term. It's so ....ing sexist.



Not really since it can be applied to either male OR females, it just so happens that it needs to be re-appropriated so it's not disproportionate towards making us immediately think "women!"


----------



## asher

AndruwX said:


> "Damaged goods" ugh, I really hate that term. It's so ....ing sexist.


 

yeah, okay, you're right. It's generally not a great term.

But current ladyfriend has been through a lot of really unfortunate bullshit and been taken advantage of in ways that have left giant giant trust issues. Before that was someone who barely kissed anybody before, and before that was someone who had other flavors of the want-but-pulls-back-when-close.

before that was highschool


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

God dammit. Got rejected again. Sort of. She said she had 3 guys after her, so she had to think. But that's a blind give away that I'm out I guess.

Ah well, off to the next subject!


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

The Spanish Inquisition said:


> God dammit. Got rejected again. Sort of. She said she had 3 guys after her, so she had to think. But that's a blind give away that I'm out I guess.
> 
> Ah well, off to the next subject!



If she can't choose between said three than I wouldn't trust that anyway. That sends all kinds of red flags my way.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

SoItGoesRVA said:


> If she can't choose between said three than I wouldn't trust that anyway. That sends all kinds of red flags my way.



Yeah, I know. That's why I'm not going for it, how shitty that might be.


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

Smart man. That rejection could have been very fortuitous. 

That being said, rejection for me is a lot better than cheating. My last serious girlfriend "met someone" while I was out of the country for a family member's wedding. She then broke up with me, realized she ....ed up, and tried to come back. Classy right?


----------



## Negav

Long time I don't write here. Things have been on the low. Met few girls, learned to talk to them (The secret is talking to them as if you were talking with any other girl). But I have a question. I noticed I usually pursue a single girl at a time, how can I go for a few girls at at time to broaden my chances?


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Negav said:


> Long time I don't write here. Things have been on the low. Met few girls, learned to talk to them (The secret is talking to them as if you were talking with any other girl). But I have a question. I noticed I usually pursue a single girl at a time, how can I go for a few girls at at time to broaden my chances?


It's not really something that can be taught you just do it. Find some girls, get their numbers, go on a few dates get to know them each and pursue the one you click with.


----------



## Mexi

forgot to update. so yeah, that girl cancelled on me a couple hours before our date, citing the weather and all that, which makes sense, this past friday was pretty balls. In all honesty, I probably should have known better than to just pick a day without factoring in key details like that. I said that we'd reschedule soon, so hopefully this girl doesn't completely lose interest


----------



## Jonathan20022

vilk said:


> I dunno, you think you guys are going to become professional musicians? There are lots of people to jam with, but it seems like there aren't so many girls that you like. I say you should go for it, and it ends up not working out and then you guys can't do Amy Winehouse covers I still think it would have been worth it.



Very good point! Probably not since she's focused on her work and I'm focused with my work and classes besides that daily practice and weekly jam we have going. You're right though, it would be totally worth it.



SoItGoesRVA said:


> As nice as that story was, my first thought was "Give her the D major!". I think sleep deprivation turns me into a douchebag, night all.



 Gotta say I laughed pretty hard at that haha.


----------



## DoomJazz

Sorry I haven't been checking up in here, hope everyone is getting laid and busting fabulous nuts.

I just got back together with my ex. 

We will see how this goes.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Some women are strange...

I put up another add... A lady responds... 

"Hi, I'm a bit older than you but I'm fit and fun. I'm very much intrigued by your artistic side." 

Please note that at this point I have already disclosed that I am a 28-year-old black male... She says she's blonde with blue eyes (Why do I feel like that's a lie? I've just heard that from like EVERYONE online that doesn't end up sending a pic. Blondes aren't even that amazing...).

She tells me she's willing to exchange pics so I say eff it and send her one... She replies...

"Oh my... You certainly are cute, but I'm too old for you."

How did we get all the way back to age? I thought we discussed that. The irony I see in this is that women always get so hung up on age under the pretense that they mature faster... 

What she may not have known is that after the first email she was no longer anonymous. She must have replied to my email in such a way that her name and email address were revealed so I Google'd her since she decided to just get a pic of me and dip...

The only persn I can find in the area by that name is like 50 something. So again... Yea... Bit of an age gap, but I feel like that was evident from square one. Why can't ppl be honest? 

I feel like she either saw me and just wasn't interested which is fine; that happens a lot. OR... She saw me and realized exactly how big a 22 year age gap was...


----------



## DoomJazz

You on Cougar Life or something, Konfyouzd?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Nope... I'd have found it even less acceptable there considering they're supposed to expect me to be younger... This was Craigslist again... I may hit up CougarLife, though and see what's up with the older women. I was on there for like 5 days and got a billion "messages" but I had to "sign up to view them" so I wasn't sure how real they were.


----------



## DoomJazz

Are you looking for a legitimate relationship or just a fling? My friends have been having fun with Tinder, if you haven't tried that yet.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I decided to take a step back and find my composure.Last time I tried to get a girl,it felt like a lot of work,and it made me feel miserable.This past year and on I decided to just be me and whatever happens happens.That way I can be real and be accepted for who I am.No more of the questioning and fearing.


----------



## Konfyouzd

That's a good question, Doom... An actual relationship would be cool if every time I got into one it didn't seem like the woman flipped some switch and became uber possessive and "5 step plan to marriage" minded. Like... Damn, can we feel shit out a little bit instead of just implementing some premeditated agenda?

When I get with chicks that just want a "fling" they seem to always be the ones that will act like they're really into you but will always bounce for reasons that don't make sense when things start getting good.

I might just hire an attractive housekeeper...


----------



## DoomJazz

Or now might be a good time to look at your female friends and see if you're friendzoning any that might be worthy of getting out


----------



## Konfyouzd

I don't really have any female friends anymore. I have like one friend I hang out w and then my band. 

As you can see I'm a very social person... :-D


----------



## CloudAC

I'm in quite a pickle here... but I don't care... Cue the wall of text. Thanks to anyone who reads this.

July 2011. I met a lovely girl and immediately hit it off with her. We started going out, we were really smitten and it was exciting! The high times didn't last very long however. Don't get me wrong, we had some amazing times over the 1 year and... 7 or so months we went out. But, she cheated on me twice, kissed another guy a few months into going out (It hurt, but I let it slide because a) You could see the pain in her eyes and b) I really liked her and I was stupid... haha.) She also cheated on me again 2 months before we broke up. We had a massive argument on New Years and she kissed another guy... Yeah. We broke up February 2013.

Anyway, along this period my friend was going out with my now ex gf's best friend (You see where this is going don't you...) and they went out for like 9 or so months. Must have been around about January 2012 till October. I can't remember. They broke up pretty badly though, they hate each others guts now. Im still good friends with the dude, I never see him though because he's always with his current girlfriend.

Me and this girl always got along pretty well, had good laughs together and such. Nothing over-stepping boundaries ofcourse, but it was always nice to see her when she visited because she lived in Singapore, and came to visit here a few times a year because this is her home town.

Fast forward to November 2013, 9 months after splitting with my ex. I got a new sleeve done, and she saw the photo and messaged me about how much she liked it! She has moved to London by now for University. (By the way, i'm in Scotland) I thought that was nice with her, had a little chat about tattoo's for a bit and random stuff.

Conversations got longer and flirting started to happen. It was pretty unexpected, I never realised I would ever have feelings for this girl but it turns out I did. I never really saw her in this light until she messaged me, which is the first time id spoken to her, well, before me and my ex split! She was clearly interested in me too, and it turns out she was coming to Scotland for 3 weeks over Christmas because her family lives here.

Well, she came up to Scotland and we met a couple days into her visit. We immediately hit it off, so much chemistry and mutual interests we never even knew we had. 

To sum up, we really like each other, we stayed at each others places a lot over her visit and we intend on seeing each other again when she visits in February/March. 

We haven't told either of our friends... We know they wouldn't support this, right now atleast. It seems too soon for them to understand. Are we bad friends? We've talked about it, how we don't want to stop seeing each other because we honestly like each other a lot. It isn't a little 'fling', it feels real y'know. But we don't want to lose our friends either... She and my ex have been best friends since birth. 

Am I doing the wrong thing here? Are we making a mistake? Bro's before hoe's??? 

*TL;DR - Im getting with my ex's best friend, who is also my best friends ex. That's some Jerry Springer shit right there. *

This is probably structured very badly, my apologies


----------



## Negav

CloudAC said:


> Wall of text...



.... your friends man. Live your life. If they are real friends of both sides they should understand. If you like her keep her. Don't let anything throw you off. Remember, only YOU can decide how to live your life and with whom to spend time with. Wish you the best of luck with the girl. I still have not found a girl I like that likes me enough, but were I to find her and my friends opposed it, not because of her being a bad person but out of jealousy, I wouldn't consider them real friends. Live, let live. Enjoy your relationship man


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Negav said:


> .... your friends man. Live your life. If they are real friends of both sides they should understand. If you like her keep her. Don't let anything throw you off. Remember, only YOU can decide how to live your life and with whom to spend time with. Wish you the best of luck with the girl. I still have not found a girl I like that likes me enough, but were I to find her and my friends opposed it, not because of her being a bad person but out of jealousy, I wouldn't consider them real friends. Live, let live. Enjoy your relationship man


 This.


----------



## vilk

She's been best friends with your ex since birth, but has no problem sneaking around and hooking up with you behind her back? Sorry, I'm glad you like each other and all, but that doesn't sound to me like someone you can trust.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

vilk said:


> She's been best friends with your ex since birth, but has no problem sneaking around and hooking up with you behind her back? Sorry, I'm glad you like each other and all, but that doesn't sound to me like someone you can trust.


I don't see why it's a problem though, his original GF s**ted on him many times and if she's over him she should have no qualms about him going out with her best friend, even if she wasn't over him, it doesn't matter they're broken up he can see who he wants.


----------



## asher

vilk said:


> She's been best friends with your ex since birth, but has no problem sneaking around and hooking up with you behind her back? Sorry, I'm glad you like each other and all, but that doesn't sound to me like someone you can trust.


 

As best I can tell both relationships have been finished for at least nine months. I don't really see where the sneaking around is occuring?


----------



## Bekanor

Made it official with the girl I'm seeing on Sunday night. Made it facebook official on Monday morning. 

Gentlemen, I thank you. It's been a long time coming.


----------



## asher

Bekanor said:


> Made it official with the girl I'm seeing on Sunday night. Made it facebook official on Monday morning.
> 
> Gentlemen, I thank you. It's been a long time coming.



Congrats man!


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

As of 4 hours ago, I'm now seeing (read: sleeping with) the hot girl from my Human Sexuality class. I believe some experimentation is in order


----------



## asher

SoItGoesRVA said:


> As of 4 hours ago, I'm now seeing (read: sleeping with) the hot girl from my Human Sexuality class. I believe some experimentation is in order



So you can call it all doing homework?


----------



## vilk

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> I don't see why it's a problem though, his original GF s**ted on him many times and if she's over him she should have no qualms about him going out with her best friend, even if she wasn't over him, it doesn't matter they're broken up he can see who he wants.





asher said:


> As best I can tell both relationships have been finished for at least nine months. I don't really see where the sneaking around is occuring?




The fact that they haven't told anyone speaks for itself. Most people who are friends tell one another if they are going to start dating that person's ex. Just because a relationship has ended doesn't mean emotions are completely severed. Josh, you're saying that just because she shitted on him and dumped him = she should have no qualms, but I think we both know that people (especially women)'s emotions are not so one-dimensional.

Anecdotal and only slightly related, but maybe could give some point of reference for dudeman's friend (the ex-boyfriend of the girl he's hooking up with now) when I was in high school my gf and I broke up and I told my good friend/ bandmate who I knew she liked that I was upset about it and that I didn't want him to do anything with her (note that some people who aren't as open with their emotions might not be able to do something so forward). They did behind my back, and I was really hurt by it, and actually it ended up with me beating the kid up and the band breaking up. And I still feel like I can't be friends with this guy, even though he lives next door to my parents' house. I'm pretty sure he regrets it because he tries to hang out with me when I visit home, and even though it's been a long time since highschool I still just kinda think the guy's not worth my time.

Back on point, You might argue that because she was bad to him that it's ok for him to date her best friend, and while I can see where you're coming from, I hope you realize that friendships revolve around more than what is just strictly right and wrong. Friends are supposed to care about each other's feelings regardless of whether they feel it's logical under whatever arbitrarily decided rules. What feelings of a friend are worth caring about are usually/probably decided on an individual case-by-case basis.

And furthermore I wasn't saying that dudeman should be careful in reference to dating his ex-girl's best friend, rather I was saying that this new girl who secretly hooks up with her life-long best friend's ex is someone who I personally don't think you should trust so foolheartedly. And also I think that he should at least ask his buddy how he would feel about it and then judge the situation from there. If the guy honestly doesn't care, then woohoo no problem, but if he does then you gotta decide whether you care more about maintaining a friendship or dating some girl, which is imo not as cut-and-dry as some posters have made it out to be.


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

asher said:


> So you can call it all doing homework?



Take-home test


----------



## Wings of Obsidian

I have the downright weirdest question for you all, but I feel like I could get some weird responses:

Is it possible to have that "perfect", adventurous, fantasy relationship in reality? 
(I'm talking about the stuff we witness fictionally in films such as _Titanic _or any other popular flicks that deal with "eternal love" and "love at first sight".) 
Is it possible to bring it all from a realm of fantasy into our reality in our modern day and age? (I mean, it all had to be based off something right?)

Go on, call me a hopeless romantic...


----------



## vilk

I dunno, in Titanic leo died at the end of the movie. I assume that if they would have stayed together they would have had as many problems as any couple. Are you only talking about people _meeting_ each other in fantastic ways? because I do think that kind of stuff happens. As far as love at first sight and eternal love, I think those things probably happen sometimes but I dont' think that the love between those people is intrinsically different from people who were just friends at first or who have rocky patches here and there. I think anyone would agree it's pretty impossible to judge exactly what love is, so I think you're question is kind of unanswerable and I want to come back at you with 

Why do you care if some people meet in "perfect" adventurous or fantastic ways?


----------



## flint757

vilk said:


> Anecdotal and only slightly related, but maybe could give some point of reference for dudeman's friend (the ex-boyfriend of the girl he's hooking up with now) when I was in high school my gf and I broke up and I told my good friend/ bandmate who I knew she liked that I was upset about it and that I didn't want him to do anything with her (note that some people who aren't as open with their emotions might not be able to do something so forward). They did behind my back, and I was really hurt by it, and actually it ended up with me beating the kid up and the band breaking up. And I still feel like I can't be friends with this guy, even though he lives next door to my parents' house. I'm pretty sure he regrets it because he tries to hang out with me when I visit home, and even though it's been a long time since highschool I still just kinda think the guy's not worth my time.
> 
> Back on point, You might argue that because she was bad to him that it's ok for him to date her best friend, and while I can see where you're coming from, I hope you realize that friendships revolve around more than what is just strictly right and wrong. *Friends are supposed to care about each other's feelings* regardless of whether they feel it's logical under whatever arbitrarily decided rules. What feelings of a friend are worth caring about are usually/probably decided on an individual case-by-case basis.


 
Honestly you sound like the one with the problem in your example. Beat him up over it? Really? Insecure much.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, other people aren't property. We do not have rights over them or their emotions and good friends should be happy that their friends are happy too. Good friends get over petty bullshit. 

As per the bold, what about the friends (the friend and ex) feelings and not just the person who has major issues letting people go?


----------



## BrailleDecibel

Wings of Obsidian said:


> I have the downright weirdest question for you all, but I feel like I could get some weird responses:
> 
> Is it possible to have that "perfect", adventurous, fantasy relationship in reality?
> (I'm talking about the stuff we witness fictionally in films such as _Titanic _or any other popular flicks that deal with "eternal love" and "love at first sight".)
> Is it possible to bring it all from a realm of fantasy into our reality in our modern day and age? (I mean, it all had to be based off something right?)
> 
> Go on, call me a hopeless romantic...



At least in my opinion, as far as "perfect" fantasy relationships as they're portrayed in movies, I don't think that they're possible in that way, no matter who the couple is, there will be occasional problems or rough patches, that's just life. But to have an absolutely amazing, adventurous fantasy relationship, complete with eternal love, is entirely possible, if both parties are willing to work together and make that love work, be faithful to each other, and learn to never take each other for granted or lose sight of what got them hooked on each other in the first place, then I would say it's possible.

There are other factors, of course, like how compatible the couple is, whether they're the right people for each other in the first place, but I'm looking at it from the point of those two "right" people having already found each other, and working from there. I mean, all those couples that have been together for decades on end, growing old together, have to have some kind of major love in play to keep them together for that long. A relationship is making the choice to stay with who you're with every day you're with them, and for something to last that long, that's a lot of days to wake up and make that choice to continue on with that person.

My current relationship absolutely feels like one of those "fantasy" situations, the girl I'm with is just perfect for me in every way imaginable, gets me like no one ever has, and we just "work" in general, and as long as the factors I mentioned earlier continue to stay in play, and barring some kind of catastrophe (knock on wood), I don't see why our situation couldn't have every bit of that kind of longevity. At least I most certainly hope so.

And holy shit, that turned into a wall of text fast! TL;DR: amazing "fantasy" relationships are possible, if not entirely like how they're portrayed in most movies, as long as both parties are right for each other and put the work in every day they're in that relationship.


----------



## vilk

flint757 said:


> Honestly you sound like the one with the problem in your example. Beat him up over it? Really? Insecure much.
> 
> I've said it before and I'll say it again, other people aren't property. We do not have rights over them or their emotions and good friends should be happy that their friends are happy too. Good friends get over petty bullshit.
> 
> As per the bold, what about the friends (the friend and ex) feelings and not just the person who has major issues letting people go?



I was a kid. And he was asking for it (literally). And I didn't hit the guy because I felt the other girl was my property, it was because he was supposed to be there for me and I told him what was going on and he stabbed me in the back--it was the blatant disrespect. Don't make assumptions--I'm the last person that would ever think of a woman as property.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. There are lots of chances for any person to make himself happy through a great variety of methods. If you've already established a friendship with someone who you "genuinely" care about and then knowingly choose to do something that would hurt that person just because it offers an opportunity to possibly make you happy, then to me you're not a good friend. It has less to do with letting people go and more to do with solidarity. My friends are like family to me, not just some passing fad, but I realize that everyone has different kinds of relationships with their friends. If you honestly think it's ok to wrong someone and that it's their fault for not letting go, then not only do you seem selfish but you also seem like you don't really have deep connections with your friends. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you've gotta realize that friendships aren't so thin with other people before you go about giving advice to trash the friendship because "he's not your friend if he doesn't want you to (betray his trust and) be happy"

It's a good thing to be happy for your friends, but for many people the sting of past relationships isn't a switch you can turn off, and it can even become more painful when you see that person with your own friend. Maybe I would let my friend date someone who I still had feelings for and just grin and bear it, but I can't pretend that there isn't the possibility of it subconsciously disrupting my feelings about my friend.

My official stance for the issue at hand is that if everyone is over everyone then it's fine, go for it. But you should check to see if they aren't before taking things further. 

#brosbeforehos


----------



## CloudAC

vilk said:


> She's been best friends with your ex since birth, but has no problem sneaking around and hooking up with you behind her back? Sorry, I'm glad you like each other and all, but that doesn't sound to me like someone you can trust.



You're right, she is going behind her back. I'm not that close with the guy but her have been super close for a long time. They aren't as close as they used to be though.

Regardless, she isn't hiding it over spite, anger or malice. She's hiding it out of fear. She doesnt want to lose me or her, and having to choose scares her. Understandable no?

Why have the people around you dictate your own happiness? Like I said, this isn't just a small fling, this could potentially become serious. But that is not something you can conclude without time. Which is what we're doing right now, seeing how everything goes. If we lost our friends over this, and it all fell apart anyway then what? All for nothing... I guess that's still a big possibility.


In response to your above posts, all very valid points and most of them have crossed mine and hers mind. My ex has a new boyfriend and so does her ex, and they're both happy. There are no stray feelings whatsoever between any of us.


----------



## CloudAC

Thanks for all the responses guys!


----------



## ghostred7

Coming up on our 10 year mark this year. We'll probably never get officially married b/c we don't need gov't to tell us we're married, we've professed it spiritually...and f**k gov't lol.

For all the young dudes/dudettes (still some on here, right)...lemme toss this out there. I'll be 40 y/o in March. I've been divorced. Had esteem issues, depression (bordering disparity), etc. Eventually I ran into my current lady. 10 years later, we're still going strong. It took a LONG series of failed relationships for me to find the other half that truly compliments me. You'd think we're just starting to date b/c we're still "fresh." Really what it boiled down to is the fact that she and I are compatible on levels that can't be put in writing/typing. 

Morale of the story/rant.....don't EVER settle for anyone less than the partner that makes you 100% happy because if you don't...chances of things ending in disaster is higher. At the posts about the 3rd party being there (old friend, ex, whatever). You are going to have to trust. If you don't trust, it'll kill the relationship. If you become accusatory, eventually it'll be "I'm getting sentenced/convicted like I'm doing this anyway, so might as well go do it" type of scenario. Don't drive your other half into something. Communicate. If you can't have a level-headed, mature discussion with your partner, chances are they aren't the partner for you.

Excuse me...I think I need to slip into bed for a gratuitous boob grope before I leave for work.


----------



## Loomer

Wings of Obsidian said:


> I have the downright weirdest question for you all, but I feel like I could get some weird responses:
> 
> Is it possible to have that "perfect", adventurous, fantasy relationship in reality?
> (I'm talking about the stuff we witness fictionally in films such as _Titanic _or any other popular flicks that deal with "eternal love" and "love at first sight".)
> Is it possible to bring it all from a realm of fantasy into our reality in our modern day and age? (I mean, it all had to be based off something right?)
> 
> Go on, call me a hopeless romantic...



Short answer: No.

Long answer: No. Because relationships will always need maintenance; both partners have to keep working at it to make a healthy realtionship. There will be ups and downs along the way and there is no way to avoid it. Puppy love is an illusion and always has been. There can be no perfect relationship, since there is no such thing as a perfect person. There will be bumps in the road, and a relationship's strength is measured only in how these are handled.


----------



## Wings of Obsidian

vilk said:


> I dunno, in Titanic leo died at the end of the movie. I assume that if they would have stayed together they would have had as many problems as any couple. Are you only talking about people _meeting_ each other in fantastic ways? because I do think that kind of stuff happens. As far as love at first sight and eternal love, I think those things probably happen sometimes but I dont' think that the love between those people is intrinsically different from people who were just friends at first or who have rocky patches here and there. I think anyone would agree it's pretty impossible to judge exactly what love is, so I think you're question is kind of unanswerable and I want to come back at you with
> 
> Why do you care if some people meet in "perfect" adventurous or fantastic ways?



I actually have to write a paper for a class dealing with the psychology of love and how misconstrued it can get thanks to the media, but I wasn't sure how to word/phrase the question for you guys based on what I'm sitting here looking at in my open-ended prompt. And right now, the reason I chose to attack this subject the way that I did is because it's just a question that been lingering in my mind for awhile because we all see the fantastical stuff in the movies and read it in the books, but then we look around at the REAL world around us.......and it's nothing like that (at least from what I've observed). 

I think at point, no matter how rational or irrational you are, we all ask ourselves: "Why can't I have something like that?" - We establish this kind of dream-inspired ideal, and I want to know if we can take the passion and adventure and truly bring it from the realm of fantasy into reality.

The reason I listed _Titanic_ on here is because it's stuck in my mind (ya know being the former highest-grossing film of all time and stuff), but I should've expanded my list of examples to include like some other famous films and books. (You probably know quite a few.)



CJLsky said:


> At least in my opinion, as far as "perfect" fantasy relationships as they're portrayed in movies, I don't think that they're possible in that way, no matter who the couple is, there will be occasional problems or rough patches, that's just life. But to have an absolutely amazing, adventurous fantasy relationship, complete with eternal love, is entirely possible, if both parties are willing to work together and make that love work, be faithful to each other, and learn to never take each other for granted or lose sight of what got them hooked on each other in the first place, then I would say it's possible.
> 
> There are other factors, of course, like how compatible the couple is, whether they're the right people for each other in the first place, but I'm looking at it from the point of those two "right" people having already found each other, and working from there. I mean, all those couples that have been together for decades on end, growing old together, have to have some kind of major love in play to keep them together for that long. A relationship is making the choice to stay with who you're with every day you're with them, and for something to last that long, that's a lot of days to wake up and make that choice to continue on with that person.
> 
> My current relationship absolutely feels like one of those "fantasy" situations, the girl I'm with is just perfect for me in every way imaginable, gets me like no one ever has, and we just "work" in general, and as long as the factors I mentioned earlier continue to stay in play, and barring some kind of catastrophe (knock on wood), I don't see why our situation couldn't have every bit of that kind of longevity. At least I most certainly hope so.
> 
> And holy shit, that turned into a wall of text fast! TL;DR: amazing "fantasy" relationships are possible, if not entirely like how they're portrayed in most movies, as long as both parties are right for each other and put the work in every day they're in that relationship.



Same answer that I gave vilk. ^^^

Mad props to ya, bro.


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

As far as getting violent over girls, this has happened to me on several occasions, but not like the one above. Mine were actually justified, and here's a little story:
I grew up in Southampton County, VA. It is a very rural, very backwards place. Also very racist and ignorant. 

For example (and for you history buffs), there are still roads referencing where Nat Turner was hanged called Hanging Tree Road and displayed called (not kidding) Black Head Signpost Road.

I was in an interracial relationship in high school with a very dark skinned Panamanian girl. I took her to my junior prom and was met with some... surprise, shall we say? One time after football practice the following year, a teammate of mine (who was about as dumb as he was ugly) said: "So Will, are you still dating that n*****?"

What ensued was one of the most spectacular ass whippings ever witnessed in the 757 area code. He couldn't play for the rest of the season due to injury "sustained during practice."

EDIT: And no I'm not ashamed of slightly amending a Chappelle's show quote to fit that ending. It was glorious


----------



## flint757

vilk said:


> I was a kid. And he was asking for it (literally). And I didn't hit the guy because I felt the other girl was my property, it was because he was supposed to be there for me and I told him what was going on and he stabbed me in the back--it was the blatant disrespect. Don't make assumptions--I'm the last person that would ever think of a woman as property.



The fact that you think you have any place in deciding who she should date means in some way you do. You consider your emotions and her life to be attached which in your mind affords you some sort of right to direct what happens in her life.



vilk said:


> There are plenty of fish in the sea. There are lots of chances for any person to make himself happy through a great variety of methods. If you've already established a friendship with someone who you "genuinely" care about and then knowingly choose to do something that would hurt that person just because it offers an opportunity to possibly make you happy, then to me you're not a good friend. It has less to do with letting people go and more to do with solidarity. My friends are like family to me, not just some passing fad, but I realize that everyone has different kinds of relationships with their friends. *If you honestly think it's ok to wrong someone and that it's their fault for not letting go, then not only do you seem selfish but you also seem like you don't really have deep connections with your friends.* Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you've gotta realize that friendships aren't so thin with other people before you go about giving advice to trash the friendship because "he's not your friend if he doesn't want you to (betray his trust and) be happy"



You'd be mistaken then. The only friendships I hold on to are good ones and in 2 different scenarios my buds did not care at all. It didn't end up happening, but they genuinely couldn't give a shit. Good friendships are two way streets anyhow. You expect them to only consider your feelings while completely neglecting theirs. Think about it...

It sincerely blows my mind that you don't consider being more concerned about your feelings as an equal or even more selfish act than someone falling for your ex.

I've known all of my really close friends for over 10-15 years. When your friends with someone for that long you get over things. If you don't, on either side, then the friendship wasn't worth much to begin with.



vilk said:


> It's a good thing to be happy for your friends, but for many people the sting of past relationships isn't a switch you can turn off, and it can even become more painful when you see that person with your own friend. Maybe I would let my friend date someone who I still had feelings for and just grin and bear it, but I can't pretend that there isn't the possibility of it subconsciously disrupting my feelings about my friend.



Understandable. That's your problem though, not your friends or your ex. If they do take that into consideration that would make them good friends for sure, but not doing so doesn't by default make them bad friends or assholes, especially if you would tell them no. 

Clearly the friendship wasn't as good as you thought it was since, by your standards, he stomped on your heart and in doing so you have completely blown him off. 



vilk said:


> My official stance for the issue at hand is that if everyone is over everyone then it's fine, go for it. But you should check to see if they aren't before taking things further.



Ask maybe, but blindly do what the friend says, no. The notion that he needs to ask his friends permission beforehand smells a lot like looking at ex's as if they're property to me though. That's like asking a fathers permission before a date. At least the latter makes a little sense.



vilk said:


> #brosbeforehos



#friendsbeforepettybs

Irrelevant to whether it is acceptable or right, if someone is truly a good friend they'll get over stupid shit like this either way. If you can blow someone off completely over this how can you say you're any better?


----------



## Wings of Obsidian

Sharing...

If I Can't Accept You at Your Worst, Then Maybe You Should Stop Being So Horrible | Matt Walsh


----------



## DoomJazz

Quickly skimmed the article, totally agree with what he was saying, one of my biggest pieces of relationship advice is thus:

A relationship should enhance you, not improve you.


----------



## asher

I think the tagline is right enough, but I have a lot of beef with a lot of that article.


----------



## piggins411

My biggest issue with it is that the author sounds like a prick to me


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

Suddenly have about 4 people after me. Wish me luck.


----------



## asher

piggins411 said:


> My biggest issue with it is that the author sounds like a prick to me



Especially in that first, also totally irrelevant section which seriously discredits the rest of the article.


----------



## Wings of Obsidian

asher said:


> I think the tagline is right enough, but I have a lot of beef with a lot of that article.



Explain - from my standpoint, I have zero beef...or pork...or fish. 



piggins411 said:


> My biggest issue with it is that the author sounds like a prick to me



Read another article on the blogsite. whenever you get a chance. The author isn't a prick...just sarcastic by nature.


----------



## DoomJazz

The Spanish Inquisition said:


> Suddenly have about 4 people after me. Wish me luck.



BE. CAREFUL. It's good luck but incredibly dangerous.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

DoomJazz said:


> BE. CAREFUL. It's good luck but incredibly dangerous.



I know  I'm being careful, I know I can lose everything in the blink of an eye.


----------



## DoomJazz

Yeah, your best bet is to just chose one and act like the other three aren't options.


----------



## The Spanish Inquisition

DoomJazz said:


> Yeah, your best bet is to just chose one and act like the other three aren't options.



I'm keeping my interests open to every one, but I won't go too far they will be expecting things from me.


----------



## asher

Wings of Obsidian said:


> Explain - from my standpoint, I have zero beef...or pork...or fish.



I'll try to get to it eventually - have actual things to be doing at work and not that much patience left over  feel free to bug me.

But my basic impressions were that it's extremely self-centered and only gets half of how acceptance works.


----------



## kamello

girl I really, really liked rejected me (ok, she already had a boyfriend...) but she gets mad at me because Im seeing other girls, it's just imposible to understand them


----------



## Konfyouzd

Don't eff with that...

Bit the bullet... Joined eHarmony... Much better matches and they actually respond... Nothing impressive has happened yet, but the wheels are turning at the very least. The one refreshing thing is now I get turned down by chicks that I actually feel are "out of my league"...


----------



## BlackMastodon

kamello said:


> girl I really, really liked rejected me (ok, she already had a boyfriend...) but she gets mad at me because Im seeing other girls, it's just imposible to understand them


There's not a whole lot to understand there, she's f**king dumb by the sounds of it.  That or she wants to have her cake and eat it, too.


----------



## Wings of Obsidian

kamello said:


> girl I really, really liked rejected me (ok, she already had a boyfriend...) but she gets mad at me because Im seeing other girls, it's just imposible to understand them



She's an attention whore and wants to "collect" (or in a more jealous term: "keep") every guy whom is attracted to her because it makes her feel better about herself and raises her esteem.

Seen this scenario wayyyyy too many times.


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

^basically this (cough my ex cough)


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

^ Double yep, slept with a girl once or seven times that neglected to tell me she had a boyfriend. When I found out, I immediately showered 3 times and got tested for STIs.


----------



## Tyson

Anyone have any advice for easy breakup talks? Dating a girl I know just isn't right for me and I feel that it's just time to end it before she gets any more invested in the relationship.

She's basically interested (I feel) mainly because she sees me as a stable source of companionship for years to come. The issue is that this will probably involve me literally carrying her through life. She refuses to work full time, gets people to buy her things whenever possible so she doesn't have to spend the money herself, and (clincher) says things like, "well I hope to get knocked up in a couple years so I'll be able to just be a stay at home mom and avoid working any more," during our talks about her working more often.

Now I, as I'm sure anyone else who heard that phrase come out of a girl's mouth, am a bit horrified of the possibility so I'm not interested in continuing the relationship, but the issue I'm facing is this: she's fairly isolated. Her family is moving to Chile at the end of the summer, she has few friends, and, quite honestly, I'm not sure if she could survive on her own, though that's the prospect she's facing should I leave her.

I'm just coming down to if doing what's right for me worth any guilt I might feel about leaving this girl out in the cold, so to speak. (tl;dr)


----------



## piggins411

You should probably mention how she's not right for you. You need to be honest


----------



## JeffFromMtl

You don't want the same things. That's all you need to point out. At that point, she doesn't exactly feel rejected, she just has to understand that it's not going to work. It's just the way things go sometimes.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Tyson said:


> Anyone have any advice for easy breakup talks? Dating a girl I know just isn't right for me and I feel that it's just time to end it before she gets any more invested in the relationship.
> 
> She's basically interested (I feel) mainly because she sees me as a stable source of companionship for years to come. The issue is that this will probably involve me literally carrying her through life. She refuses to work full time, gets people to buy her things whenever possible so she doesn't have to spend the money herself, and (clincher) says things like, "well I hope to get knocked up in a couple years so I'll be able to just be a stay at home mom and avoid working any more," during our talks about her working more often.
> 
> Now I, as I'm sure anyone else who heard that phrase come out of a girl's mouth, am a bit horrified of the possibility so I'm not interested in continuing the relationship, but the issue I'm facing is this: she's fairly isolated. Her family is moving to Chile at the end of the summer, she has few friends, and, quite honestly, I'm not sure if she could survive on her own, though that's the prospect she's facing should I leave her.
> 
> I'm just coming down to if doing what's right for me worth any guilt I might feel about leaving this girl out in the cold, so to speak. (tl;dr)


So you'd rather have her mooch off of you and be a stay at home mom while you bust your ass and are miserable because you're afraid you might hurt her feelings? 

Obviously that's being very blunt, but that's basically it. Just be honest with her and say you guys want completely different things and it won't work. Don't ever prolong a relationship you don't want to be in because you want to spare the person's feelings, because shit can happen at any time and god forbid you do knock her up.

You just gotta do it like pulling off a bandaid, just get it over with.


----------



## Wings of Obsidian

Well...yeah...whatever just happened to me...that was bad...

Been single for years. Just got catfished. 
(But I actually caught it before it happened, and before I invested anything such as time or emotion, if that makes any sense. So, someone got over an "attempt at catfishing" me.)

Back on the hunt...


----------



## asher

Wings of Obsidian said:


> Well...yeah...whatever just happened to me...that was bad...
> 
> Been single for years. Just got catfished.
> (But I actually caught it before it happened, and before I invested anything such as time or emotion, if that makes any sense. So, someone got over an "attempt at catfishing" me.)
> 
> Back on the hunt...


 
What is catfishing?


----------



## icos211

asher said:


> What is catfishing?







He got a hand shoved up an orifice and dragged around, I believe.


----------



## flint757

Urban Dictionary: catfished


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I just want to leave this message to get you guys opinions.I'm pretty sure some of you have been through this before.

To keep this short:I'm 18 and will be merry when I leave this house.Why?My mom keeps going back to the biggest scum of the Earth,whom has done countless atrocities,all because of sex.She pretty much told me that sex equals love,yet she's miserable when it comes to living with her husband outside the bedroom.You're probably wondering why does their relationship matter to me.

I'll tell you a few things he has done.
He has:
-destroyed our property
-threatened to destroy my property
-threatened to harm me
-called everyone in the house names,including my little siblings who are too little to comprehend the situation
-threatened to kick everyone out of the house
-threatened to kill us if anyone called the cops
-much more...

I can see why they are together;they are just alike.He shows me everything I don't like about my mother.I feel I am indignant since he always causes division in the house.He doesn't work,and my mom has to constantly supply his bad habits(alcoholism,smoking,drugs).She's mad because I don't support her decision just like she was mad at the rest of the family because they didn't support the marriage and didn't attend the wedding.

I don't think I should feel obligated to clean the whole house after a day of college while he's been laying in bed all day watching Netflix and constantly downing us.Honestly,is sex really that great where you just say .... all the negatives?She has a history of bad relationships,so you guys can take that into account...


----------



## Tyson

BlackMastodon said:


> So you'd rather have her mooch off of you and be a stay at home mom while you bust your ass and are miserable because you're afraid you might hurt her feelings?
> 
> Obviously that's being very blunt, but that's basically it. Just be honest with her and say you guys want completely different things and it won't work. Don't ever prolong a relationship you don't want to be in because you want to spare the person's feelings, because shit can happen at any time and god forbid you do knock her up.
> 
> You just gotta do it like pulling off a bandaid, just get it over with.



The bandaid is a good analogy. You're right, of course. I just want to see if I can come up with some kind of way to sort of ease her into it rather than just sitting her down and telling her it's done.


----------



## flint757

The easiest way to do it is to just do it. There is no real way to ease someone in to a breakup if they aren't anticipating it.

It's better for both of you if it is quick and dirty. Taking the long road leaves everyone unhappy and wastes both of your time in the process. Even then once you get to the actual breakup talk it's going to be just as hard, you just took longer to do it.


----------



## icos211

Obsidian Soul said:


> I just want to leave this message to get you guys opinions.I'm pretty sure some of you have been through this before.
> 
> To keep this short:I'm 18 and will be merry when I leave this house.Why?My mom keeps going back to the biggest scum of the Earth,whom has done countless atrocities,all because of sex.She pretty much told me that sex equals love,yet she's miserable when it comes to living with her husband outside the bedroom.You're probably wondering why does their relationship matter to me.
> 
> I'll tell you a few things he has done.
> He has:
> -destroyed our property
> -threatened to destroy my property
> -threatened to harm me
> -called everyone in the house names,including my little siblings who are too little to comprehend the situation
> -threatened to kick everyone out of the house
> -threatened to kill us if anyone called the cops
> -much more...
> 
> I can see why they are together;they are just alike.He shows me everything I don't like about my mother.I feel I am indignant since he always causes division in the house.He doesn't work,and my mom has to constantly supply his bad habits(alcoholism,smoking,drugs).She's mad because I don't support her decision just like she was mad at the rest of the family because they didn't support the marriage and didn't attend the wedding.
> 
> I don't think I should feel obligated to clean the whole house after a day of college while he's been laying in bed all day watching Netflix and constantly downing us.Honestly,is sex really that great where you just say .... all the negatives?She has a history of bad relationships,so you guys can take that into account...



I've been through this exact situation, except for the addition of very real physical abuse of my mother. I can't even express the horrors of living in a household like that to any of you who haven't. It took me a long time to get my head right about the situation. When I was 12 and 13, and still living with my mother and stepfather, the stress of a violent home life, along with being an utter social outcast, and trying to keep my grades up so that I could someday make it out of the ghetto led me to start self-harming, and dreaming of suicide every day. That is NOT what needed to be done in the situation. That is what weakness leads you to. When my parents found out, I moved in with my dad. Life got a lot better, though the ghosts of that time still haunt me. In the 5 years since then, I have argued with my mother on countless occasions when she, time and time again, went back to him for no good damn reason. At one point, I stopped even going over there, because I couldn't stand to even think about his existence. This, also, is NOT what was right to do.

Like you, I have a very young sibling. 6 years old, the son of my stepfather in question. The main thing that I have now realized is how much he needs a strong, honorable man in his life, unlike my stepfather. He needs to be shown how to treat another human being with respect, and that women are people, who should not be taken advantage of. He needs to have someone in his life who rose above the violence and drug infested home and community that we come from, to make something better of himself and for himself, that he can look up to. And THAT is what you need to do. That is who you need to be for them, because they are lacking a strong male role model in their home. I'm not saying that you need to stay in that house. For the sake of every god in Asgard, get out of that house. For your own sake, get out of that house. But don't forget the ones that can't. Be their inspiration, and be their image of what it means to do right, so that they can see what it is that their parents are doing is wrong.

As for the sex question, I've only ever had sex with one woman, so I can't answer that much. It wasn't the greatest relationship, I can realize now as I look back on it. Not bad like the one that you described, but she treated me like crap in her own way. Even through it, I had every intention of being with her for the rest of my life. There wasn't a single part of my heart that didn't want to marry her and wake up beside her every single morning until my last, even as she broke that very same heart over and over. I thought things would get better. I prayed things would get better. They didn't, but I just put those thoughts to the back of my mind. I loved her, in much more than just a sexual way. Sometimes that's just what it is, even in an abusive relationship. We stay with unconscionably ....ed up people for an emotion that we couldn't explain with a thousand years of non-stop effort. Even through misery, love allows us to lie ourselves to comfort. It's a terrible thing, but it happens even to the best of us.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

The relationship with my siblings' father was abusive.It wasn't very abusive,but it was too much.I know it's not love for several reasons.Before he left us,he refused to have sex with her and she called it a loveless marriage even though virtually nothing had changed between them except for that.Up until now,he has been leaving here for weeks or months without contact until mom convinces him to stay for a night or two at least.They have sex,which is extremely risky since we don't know where he's been and what he's been doing;then he leaves.

She was content with him only coming to the bed sheets until she thought the situation would appear awkward if her marriage was more like a booty call.She was going to go with someone else,but she didn't want to invest time,which to me translates to "I want dick now."

Yes,I was open and happy for her to go to another guy,but I didn't want her to go back to that good for nothing cocksucking leech.There's so much to tell,but I want to keep it brief.How could you respect yourself if your girl is running the streets for weeks or months and beg her to come home for a day or two to only bust nuts?How do you just jump into walls you don't trust at all?That's how you get a venereal disease.

@icos211- I don't think I want to even see them again after I leave because I want to tell them off as I pack my stuff up and leave.I swear there will be no words more foul than mines.I'm also thinking about pretending like all is well then just dropping all communication.I am in the same boat you were in and I got bullied.Those were more turbulent times.I kept a headache and I felt like I was worn over multiple times...


----------



## Tommy Deaks

Hey SSBRO.

Suffering with depression - two nights ago my girlfriend of TWO YEARS, whom I have supported through thick and thin, left me because of it. 

Spare me a thought, would you?


----------



## UnderTheSign

Obsidian Soul said:


> I just want to leave this message to get you guys opinions.I'm pretty sure some of you have been through this before.
> 
> To keep this short:I'm 18 and will be merry when I leave this house.Why?My mom keeps going back to the biggest scum of the Earth,whom has done countless atrocities,all because of sex.She pretty much told me that sex equals love,yet she's miserable when it comes to living with her husband outside the bedroom.You're probably wondering why does their relationship matter to me.
> 
> I'll tell you a few things he has done.
> He has:
> -destroyed our property
> -threatened to destroy my property
> -threatened to harm me
> -called everyone in the house names,including my little siblings who are too little to comprehend the situation
> -threatened to kick everyone out of the house
> -threatened to kill us if anyone called the cops
> -much more...
> 
> I can see why they are together;they are just alike.He shows me everything I don't like about my mother.I feel I am indignant since he always causes division in the house.He doesn't work,and my mom has to constantly supply his bad habits(alcoholism,smoking,drugs).She's mad because I don't support her decision just like she was mad at the rest of the family because they didn't support the marriage and didn't attend the wedding.
> 
> I don't think I should feel obligated to clean the whole house after a day of college while he's been laying in bed all day watching Netflix and constantly downing us.Honestly,is sex really that great where you just say .... all the negatives?She has a history of bad relationships,so you guys can take that into account...


Threatening to kill you sounds like a reason to call the cops to me...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Son... Was totally prepared to ask out that redhead on the bus today... But I was a little too in the moment and I forgot to press the button to ask the driver to stop the bus... I just kinda got up and started walking up to talk to her... 

The driver, being a very perceptive man, noticed that I was standing and moving toward the front of the bus as if I wanted to get off...

At the moment she looked up and made eye contact I froze like a deer in headlights... Simultaneously, the bus driver hurriedly applied the brakes to allow me to get off which startled the .... outa me, caused me to stumble. Slightly embarassed I decided it was best to just get my ass off the bus and try again tomorrow...


----------



## Blitzie

*This post is not about an intimate relationship, nor love in the way this thread was intended. This about my best friend (we're both men) and what happened.*

Firstly, hello SSLR, haven't seen you all in a while. Hope all is well.

My best friends name is Shawn. He's been one of my best friends for the better part of 6 years now. In the past year, we haven't had as much time for each other as we would have liked, but we've seen a little of each other here and there and we were never more than a phone call away from one another.

In September, I lost my job unexpectedly. I became very depressed. He caught wind and we hung out the next night. It made me feel much better and I realized I had forgotten how much fun we had together.

Unfortunately, I dove right into finding a new job and stopped answering texts and calls from everyone (including him) because I was so damn depressed and obsessed with finding a new job. About a month later, I found one and immersed myself in it.

Over the next few months, my depression didn't loosen it's grip. Even though I was working, I realized I HATED what I just signed up to do. All I did was sleep and work. Again, not answering messages or going out. Even though I knew it was what was best for me to do, I couldn't talk myself out of bed.

Yesterday, I decided to text him and get together. I apologized for being so distant but I wanted to get drunk and watch Mystery Science Theater with him. He didn't answer me until the next day.

He informed me that in the second week of January, he moved to Florida. (from Connecticut)

I'm devastated. Not only had I pushed him so far away that he didn't even tell me he was leaving, I had blown every chance I had over the last few months to see him. I took him entirely for granted and I'm paying for it.

Worst of all, I realized he's my only friend. Like, literally my only friend. I "know" other people and I can spend time with them but it's just not the same.

I'm a worthless piece of shit. How dare I? Who do I think I am? I deserve this.


----------



## spadz93

well ladies and gents, i now have me a girlfriend. if anyone is on the fence about using an online dating site, do yourself a favor and give it a shot, you never know what can happen, and hey it's 2014, meeting people over social media is becoming a norm. plus, me and her just click so well, i wouldve never thought id meet someone that i'd match with on a dating site. plus she came and saw me play in front of around 1600 people at starland this weekend, so i think i sealed my case with that one haha


----------



## naw38

Blitzie said:


> *This post is not about an intimate relationship, nor love in the way this thread was intended. This about my best friend (we're both men) and what happened.*
> 
> Firstly, hello SSLR, haven't seen you all in a while. Hope all is well.
> 
> My best friends name is Shawn. He's been one of my best friends for the better part of 6 years now. In the past year, we haven't had as much time for each other as we would have liked, but we've seen a little of each other here and there and we were never more than a phone call away from one another.
> 
> In September, I lost my job unexpectedly. I became very depressed. He caught wind and we hung out the next night. It made me feel much better and I realized I had forgotten how much fun we had together.
> 
> Unfortunately, I dove right into finding a new job and stopped answering texts and calls from everyone (including him) because I was so damn depressed and obsessed with finding a new job. About a month later, I found one and immersed myself in it.
> 
> Over the next few months, my depression didn't loosen it's grip. Even though I was working, I realized I HATED what I just signed up to do. All I did was sleep and work. Again, not answering messages or going out. Even though I knew it was what was best for me to do, I couldn't talk myself out of bed.
> 
> Yesterday, I decided to text him and get together. I apologized for being so distant but I wanted to get drunk and watch Mystery Science Theater with him. He didn't answer me until the next day.
> 
> He informed me that in the second week of January, he moved to Florida. (from Connecticut)
> 
> I'm devastated. Not only had I pushed him so far away that he didn't even tell me he was leaving, I had blown every chance I had over the last few months to see him. I took him entirely for granted and I'm paying for it.
> 
> Worst of all, I realized he's my only friend. Like, literally my only friend. I "know" other people and I can spend time with them but it's just not the same.
> 
> I'm a worthless piece of shit. How dare I? Who do I think I am? I deserve this.




I would not beat yourself up over this, man. It's so incredibly easy to lose touch with friends in any situation - I pretty much abandoned everybody I knew when I got married, and now five years later I'm living in a new country and I see the closest of my old friends maybe three times a year... which is a lot more than I was seeing of them between getting married and jumping the ditch. 

And you can't be blamed for focusing hard on looking for work. What were you gonna do, starve? Hang out with him full time, have him pay for all your drinks? 

Keep in touch with him, and you'll have shitloads to catch up on when you both get around to travelling and meeting up. Unless I've misread and he's fully cut you out of his life, but I don't think I did.


----------



## Leveebreaks

Tommy Deaks said:


> Hey SSBRO.
> 
> Suffering with depression - two nights ago my girlfriend of TWO YEARS, whom I have supported through thick and thin, left me because of it.
> 
> Spare me a thought, would you?


 

Sorry to hear that dude 

Have you been to see a doc or talked to anyone about the depression? If not you totally should, suffering alone ( or making someone else suffer with you ) sucks. If you have already, what's changed recently that pushed your girl away? Not sure how much you talk to each other about things.
There's always a light at the end of every tunnel though, no matter how shit it all seems( and no the light in the tunnel is not a train before anyone jumps on that. ).


----------



## TylerEstes

Been single for about a year. Hang out with this girl a lot. Short Mexican girl, bright red hair, gauges, piercings, tattoos, can't complain. We like each other as friends, but we pretty much just watch movies and play video games and bump uglies. I don't like her as more than a friend, though. So it' cool. It's like having a girlfriend but without the stress and drama. 

I've only met 2 girls in the past 4 years that I actually liked. The first one was pretty into me. Met on Facebook and talked for like a week and then we hung out. She was hot and pretty funny. The look on her face when I walked into her place of work was "ohhhh.....So much dissapoint." Then I was like "OHHHH YEAH. I forgot that I'm 300 lbs. DUH." That was last year, and now I'm 170 lbs. 
Second girl I liked just wanted somebody to pay attention to her and share their weed with her without contributing anything. Realized that after I asked her out, but it's cool because she said no.  Why do that to just one guy when you can do it to like 5?


----------



## Tommy Deaks

Leveebreaks said:


> Sorry to hear that dude
> 
> Have you been to see a doc or talked to anyone about the depression? If not you totally should, suffering alone ( or making someone else suffer with you ) sucks. If you have already, what's changed recently that pushed your girl away? Not sure how much you talk to each other about things.
> There's always a light at the end of every tunnel though, no matter how shit it all seems( and no the light in the tunnel is not a train before anyone jumps on that. ).



Yeah man. I'm on medication and waiting for CBT. She said she can't deal with having to support me as she has so much else to worry about. Sucks eh!


----------



## UnderTheSign

Tommy Deaks said:


> Yeah man. I'm on medication and waiting for CBT. She said she can't deal with having to support me as she has so much else to worry about. Sucks eh!


Sucks fella, though I guess you're better off now as that's a shit move. Me and my girlfriend would support eachother through thick and thin, no matter what other stuff we have to worry about... Her ex pulled a stunt like this on her too, ditched her when her father became terminally ill, not exactly trustworthy I'd say


----------



## AndruwX

The fact that my GF has irregular period makes me nervous. He.
Also, you can love someone who has been through a lot of shit, what do you expect? People need to make mistakes to learn.

It's like those shitheads who hate non-virgin girls, and I know lotta of them.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

TylerEstes said:


> Been single for about a year. Hang out with this girl a lot. Short Mexican girl, bright red hair, gauges, piercings, tattoos, can't complain. We like each other as friends, but we pretty much just watch movies and play video games and bump uglies. I don't like her as more than a friend, though. So it' cool. It's like having a girlfriend but without the stress and drama.


I don't think that's going to end well dude, somebody always develops feelings.


----------



## groverj3

Well, I'm going to bitch for a second.

Haven't been in a serious relationship in about 3.5 years. It's been about 1.5 since my last on again off again anxiety-filled bit of hell.

In that time, I finished undergrad, worked a bit, and then moved across the country for grad school. Met a few good prospects, but nobody ever seems interested in getting dinner/coffee/whatever you would normally do to initiate things. Everyone is always "busy" with indeterminate stuff. Sometimes I think I'm the only person who actually isn't constantly "busy." I also have this weird habit of meeting tons of non-single women .

The last straw, trying to invite a classmate that I've known for a few weeks to get coffee after class today. Reply is that she's having a busy week. Ok, I think I'll just suggest a different day or a weekend. To which I hear that she has a "really busy February" . So, I gave her my number and told her that if she finds herself less busy sometime soon to let me know. Which I figure will never happen.

I guess guitarist/scientist/poor grad student/atheist is a pretty niche market. So, .... it. OKCupid, Match.com, eHarmony, Chemistry.com time.

This emo moment brought to you by ss.org.


----------



## groverj3

Konfyouzd said:


> Son... Was totally prepared to ask out that redhead on the bus today... But I was a little too in the moment and I forgot to press the button to ask the driver to stop the bus... I just kinda got up and started walking up to talk to her...
> 
> The driver, being a very perceptive man, noticed that I was standing and moving toward the front of the bus as if I wanted to get off...
> 
> At the moment she looked up and made eye contact I froze like a deer in headlights... Simultaneously, the bus driver hurriedly applied the brakes to allow me to get off which startled the .... outa me, caused me to stumble. Slightly embarassed I decided it was best to just get my ass off the bus and try again tomorrow...



Try again... and go for the win!

Sorry, I've been waiting to say that


----------



## The Reverend

groverj3 said:


> Well, I'm going to bitch for a second.
> 
> Haven't been in a serious relationship in about 3.5 years. It's been about 1.5 since my last on again off again anxiety-filled bit of hell.
> 
> In that time, I finished undergrad, worked a bit, and then moved across the country for grad school. Met a few good prospects, but nobody ever seems interested in getting dinner/coffee/whatever you would normally do to initiate things. Everyone is always "busy" with indeterminate stuff. Sometimes I think I'm the only person who actually isn't constantly "busy." I also have this weird habit of meeting tons of non-single women .
> 
> The last straw, trying to invite a classmate that I've known for a few weeks to get coffee after class today. Reply is that she's having a busy week. Ok, I think I'll just suggest a different day or a weekend. To which I hear that she has a "really busy February" . So, I gave her my number and told her that if she finds herself less busy sometime soon to let me know. Which I figure will never happen.
> 
> I guess guitarist/scientist/poor grad student/atheist is a pretty niche market. So, .... it. OKCupid, Match.com, eHarmony, Chemistry.com time.
> 
> This emo moment brought to you by ss.org.



Dudebro, I feel you.

I moved to Arlington, TX for school, and apparently everyone has this curse of being constantly busy. Between school, work, second work, and homework, I have a full schedule, but there's still some free time. Apparently this concept of 'free time' is nonexistent for any of the women I go to school or work with. They're too busy to do anything with me. Oddly enough, I'm having more luck with girls I used to know in Houston and Austin than I am the ones who live here.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Had a conversation recently that came down to "yeah my ex was hung as .... but he didn't get me off like you do", that boosted my ego more than I expected to


----------



## groverj3

The Reverend said:


> Dudebro, I feel you.
> 
> I moved to Arlington, TX for school, and apparently everyone has this curse of being constantly busy. Between school, work, second work, and homework, I have a full schedule, but there's still some free time. Apparently this concept of 'free time' is nonexistent for any of the women I go to school or work with. They're too busy to do anything with me. Oddly enough, I'm having more luck with girls I used to know in Houston and Austin than I am the ones who live here.



Yeah, I can make time if it's worth it to me. Lets face it though, any attractive woman gets plenty of attention and unless they feel some kind of insane connection they tend not to worry about any individual guy being all that great. Occasionally persistence can help, but not usually 

Online dating here we go. I guess not being a doucher that takes tons of shirtless pics will give me an advantage?


----------



## UnderTheSign

groverj3 said:


> Yeah, I can make time if it's worth it to me. Lets face it though, any attractive woman gets plenty of attention and unless they feel some kind of insane connection they tend not to worry about any individual guy being all that great. Occasionally persistence can help, but not usually
> 
> Online dating here we go. I guess not being a doucher that takes tons of shirtless pics will give me an advantage?


Online dating can be pretty sweet, I and a bunch of others on here found our gfs that way.
As for the advantage... It might. But don't count or rely on it. It's like the 'nice guy' thing. You don't get any brownie points for being nice or not being a douche, it's just means you're not a total arse. Be honest in your profile but do try to make yourself seem as interesting as possible. Don't be pretentious, don't lie, don't make crappy jokes, don't wear a fedora and do expect to not get replies a lot of the time or to get turned down. It took me half a year and 4 dates to find my current gf and I'd consider myself pretty lucky with a low amount of dates like that.


----------



## spectrrrrrre

Tommy Deaks said:


> Hey SSBRO.
> 
> Suffering with depression - two nights ago my girlfriend of TWO YEARS, whom I have supported through thick and thin, left me because of it.
> 
> Spare me a thought, would you?


 
Sounds like someone who would ditch you over that is someone you would not want to be with to begin with.

As much as it hurts now, it's probably for the better.


----------



## vilk

TylerEstes said:


> Been single for about a year. Hang out with this girl a lot. Short Mexican girl, bright red hair, gauges, piercings, tattoos, can't complain. We like each other as friends, but we pretty much just watch movies and play video games and bump uglies. I don't like her as more than a friend, though. So it' cool. It's like having a girlfriend but without the stress and drama.



The word 'girlfriend' is a formality and a social construct. If you hang out a lot and have sex, she's your girlfriend. If you guys can fool around with other people and not care, you're in an open relationship. If either of you stop seeing each other or stop sleeping together, then you've broken up. It's only that you've decided to go about it all without placing these needless labels on everything you're doing. And props on that--that's the way it should be done anyway.

It doesn't matter what anyone calls it. It matters what you do.


----------



## naw38

So, I kind of fully admitted to myself that I have... _feelings_, for an old friend of mine. I discovered this whilst drinking with her one night. Every time that we drink together, we end up talking about how much it sucks that we never got to get together, but we've always spoken about this as if it were in the past and it could never be.

Well, a few nights after that, I drunkenly showed up at her house with another friend of mine, dragged her out of the house and away from her boyfriend, to work out what the exact situation is between us. I can't remember what she said. It was a typically bad move on my part. 

Ever since then, I think she's been cold towards me - it's hard to say, because our only method of communication is Facebook, what with us living in separate countries. 

The other problem is, she is not my wife. I'm well aware that I am in fact, a massive piece of shit and should just get her out of my head. Nonetheless. I can't. So I don't know what to do. Probably nothing.

Ugh. _Emotions._


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Just broke up with my girlfriend of 3 and a half years. First serious relationship I've ever been in. I'll elaborate more later when I get out of my English class; this shit cuts deep bros.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Okay so here it goes:
I got with my girlfriend my Freshman year in high school. We were friends for a long time, and eventually started dating. We had been together for three and a half years and during that time had almost broken up twice because of me smoking pot. She absolutely detests all forms of partying. 
Now I'd also like to say that it is not the only reason we broke up. I've noticed that lately, last couple months, I've really felt distant. I still love her though, which makes this so tough. I've began to realize though that we are completely different personality types, I am extremely outgoing and she is not. I want to live my life, have fun, party, go on extended camping trips, and she wants no part of that. 
So we both mutually decided that beings it had caused problems in the past, it will likely continue to cause them. 
It feels so surreal, I try to look on the bright side, but I still love her. I just honestly feel like if we were to stay together that I would always regret not doing the things I want. 
But I want her too...uggggggghhhhhhh


----------



## flint757

Those feelings will fade. Y'all both made the right decision. Assuming y'all have 'something' in common it isn't like y'all can't be friends still. Doesn't sound like a bad breakup either way.


----------



## vilk

Freshman year plus... 3.5 years equals... oh, you're about to go to college? Perfect timing dude. You don't want to be dating someone who hates fun when you go away to school. (actually imho you don't want to be dating _any_one when you go away to school hehe)


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

I was actually planning on moving in with her as I'm just going to the community college in my town.


----------



## vilk

Dude, then you don't even know the bullet you just dodged. Living with a woman is not so bad, but young adulthood is the time that should designated for you to learn how to be independent.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Truth


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

vilk said:


> Dude, then you don't even know the bullet you just dodged. Living with a woman is not so bad, but young adulthood is the time that should designated for you to learn how to be independent.



This is so tough. She wants me to stay.


I appreciate it you guys. +rep


----------



## vilk

You can be independent and still have a girlfriend. I just think moving in with her would be a bad idea. If any moving in is going to happen I suggest you do it with a male friend. 

I know you're not going away to college, but if you and a buddy have jobs and work regularly enough you'll be able to throw together a bachelor pad and it would probably be a really good experience.

All I'm saying is I wouldn't be half as grown up as I am (probably) if I hadn't moved out out of my parents house when I was 18. You gotta learn how to shop, cook, clean, manage your time and budget, loads of stuff that doesn't seem fun but actually makes you feel good because you can feel a sense of independence--and the sooner you learn the better!


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Alright. Prior to now I had been loathe to come in here to whine about petty relationship nonsense, since let's face it, my "problems" pale in front of some if the shit my SSO homies have gone through. However, I need to fvcking vent.

There's a Korean chick I know here. She's a nurse who I met when I was in the hospital for my knee surgery. I got dem digits while I was there (mad game, son), and we've gone out to dinner a number of times since then, and caught a movie once. Sometimes I'll go a couple weeks without any contact, but then she randomly texts me, sometimes late at night, to see how I've been. She says she wants to start going on walks with me in the city. She asked her mom to help her teach me how to cook Korean food. She says she wants to hear me play guitar someday. She says she'd like to go out to the expat bars with me sometime.

Sounds good, right? Surely she's in to me, n'est-ce pas? Weeeeellllll...

We were out eating dinner tonight at an Indian restaurant popular with expats. It was going well, and I thought we were clicking even more than usual. At one point, though, an American couple came in. When she saw them, she said "I hope you can find an American girlfriend someday."

You know that sound Pac-Man makes when he dies? I'm pretty sure that's the sound my soul made.

I said "I'm not really interested in American girls. I'd rather have a Korean girlfriend." (Subtle, amirite?)
Her response: "Oh. I think that would be difficult."

WTF. What the actual fvck. What. In. The. Goddamned. Fvck.

Am I just terrible at reading signals? Are cultural difference so vast that what I perceived to be signs of interest were actually just normal human behavior here? Goddammit. I'm confused, frustrated, a little angry, and increasingly despondent. 

Ay. Mujeres. Ustedes saben.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Shit dudes, I think I'm falling for a girl. There have been a bunch of girls over the last couple of years that I could never justify committing to, so I've just had casual relationship after casual relationship - to the point that my commitment issues would be the butt of many jokes my close friends and roommates would make about my relationships. These girls would all eventually give up on me because I didn't make any effort in maintaining anything due to my insane work and school schedule, which left me almost no time for any sort of social life.

What happened is how these things always seem to happen with me. It was a girl that I had hooked up with a couple of times over a year ago, then just sort of lost touch with until Christmas. I initially hooked up with her because she's insanely hot, and I had myself convinced that that was the only reason I liked her. She came across as a little bit of an air head, really. And that's just not the kind of girl I ever really saw myself with and as stupid as it sounds, I was worried that my friends would judge me for that. 

Anyway, we reconnected around Christmas this year when she sent me a message on Facebook. We got to hang out once, then I spent New Years eve with her, before she took off to France the next day, and now she's there until late June. As much as I hate text messaging - really, when I can't see someone face-to-face on a regular basis, it's impossible for me to maintain a relationship or even friendship - I promised her that I would keep in touch, and we've been texting almost daily for the last month and a half. I just began realizing a couple of weeks ago the kind of effort I'm putting in and the fact that I look forward to just hearing from her more more than I even look forward to seeing/sleeping with one of my casual flings here at home. So it dawned on me. I actually _like_ her. Like, _her_, as a person. And so now I have a skype date with her this afternoon (it's the first time I'm using skype) for valentines day when, I could just as easily be out getting some.

All this to say, holy shit. I actually think I like a girl enough. It's been a long time - well over 2 years now, since I liked a girl enough to commit to, and now I'm texting a girl daily, sending her care packages in the mail to remedy her homesickness, skyping her for valentines day and talking about getting a plane ticket to go see her in France in a couple of months. I don't even recognize myself anymore


----------



## icos211

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Alright. Prior to now I had been loathe to come in here to whine about petty relationship nonsense, since let's face it, my "problems" pale in front of some if the shit my SSO homies have gone through. However, I need to fvcking vent.
> 
> There's a Korean chick I know here. She's a nurse who I met when I was in the hospital for my knee surgery. I got dem digits while I was there (mad game, son), and we've gone out to dinner a number of times since then, and caught a movie once. Sometimes I'll go a couple weeks without any contact, but then she randomly texts me, sometimes late at night, to see how I've been. She says she wants to start going on walks with me in the city. She asked her mom to help her teach me how to cook Korean food. She says she wants to hear me play guitar someday. She says she'd like to go out to the expat bars with me sometime.
> 
> Sounds good, right? Surely she's in to me, n'est-ce pas? Weeeeellllll...
> 
> We were out eating dinner tonight at an Indian restaurant popular with expats. It was going well, and I thought we were clicking even more than usual. At one point, though, an American couple came in. When she saw them, she said "I hope you can find an American girlfriend someday."
> 
> You know that sound Pac-Man makes when he dies? I'm pretty sure that's the sound my soul made.
> 
> I said "I'm not really interested in American girls. I'd rather have a Korean girlfriend." (Subtle, amirite?)
> Her response: "Oh. I think that would be difficult."
> 
> WTF. What the actual fvck. What. In. The. Goddamned. Fvck.
> 
> Am I just terrible at reading signals? Are cultural difference so vast that what I perceived to be signs of interest were actually just normal human behavior here? Goddammit. I'm confused, frustrated, a little angry, and increasingly despondent.
> 
> Ay. Mujeres. Ustedes saben.



You should probably lay something on the line. Just be like "Hey, I really like spending time with you, and I think we connect really well. I've been thinking a lot lately about what it would be like if we took it to the next level." Something along those lines. And as for the "that would be difficult", you should counter with "Nothing good ever comes easy." That would be some When Harry Met Sally level shit right there.


----------



## Konfyouzd

At this point I'm almost certain everyone on dating sites just posts pics of themselves and copy/pastes a random other person's details. Every profile I read sounds like the same exact person...

"I'm passionate about my job, laughing, reading and living life."

Really. Lemme guess... You like breathing too, huh?

That aside I've decided--as a result of spending lots of time with my niece lately--that I adore children but don't like people once they leave this stage of life. Not in a weird creepy way but more like I'm not so much opposed to having a child as I am to the idea of having to involve someone else in the matter. 

Maybe I can pay someone to just carry it, deliver it and get outa my face. There's gotta be a website for that right?


----------



## icos211

Konfyouzd said:


> At this point I'm almost certain everyone on dating sites just posts pics of themselves and copy/pastes a random other person's details. Every profile I read sounds like the same exact person...
> 
> "I'm passionate about my job, laughing, reading and living life."
> 
> Really. Lemme guess... You like breathing too, huh?
> 
> That aside I've decided--as a result of spending lots of time with my niece lately--that I adore children but don't like people once they leave this stage of life. Not in a weird creepy way but more like I'm not so much opposed to having a child as I am to the idea of having to involve someone else in the matter.
> 
> Maybe I can pay someone to just carry it, deliver it and get outa my face. There's gotta be a website for that right?



Single men adopting children has become more accepted in recent years, however it is generally semi-older children and basically exclusively boys. This is for kind of obvious reasons, but also because couples are far more likely to adopt infants and generally more likely to adopt girls. Once I get to a computer, I'll post a Jim Jeffries video that is quite pertinent 

I honestly can't wait to have kids. Well, one kid that is. The thing is, I would much rather have a girl, but, as the last male of my family, my family name will end if I don't have a boy. Thus, I want to have a lesbian daughter so that when she marries another woman she can keep the family name and the other girl can change hers. Then their kids will still have my name and the family can continue, while I still get to raise a girl . I don't know, does hoping to have a gay child make me weird?


----------



## Murmel

^
What?

Is there some kind of law that you must take the man's name after a wedding?


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Murmel said:


> ^
> What?
> 
> Is there some kind of law that you must take the man's name after a wedding?


Not that I know of, it's purely optional. I think he means kids usually take the father's last name but parents can give both their last names to their children if the woman wants to carry on her last name. But if it's a single mother the child takes her last name.


----------



## kamello

Konfyouzd said:


> At this point I'm almost certain everyone on dating sites just posts pics of themselves and copy/pastes a random other person's details. Every profile I read sounds like the same exact person...
> 
> "I'm passionate about my job, laughing, reading and living life."
> 
> Really. Lemme guess... You like breathing too, huh?




ughhhh, same shit with the new students at my Uni, we arranged a Facebook group for them so they don't arrive so lost at the campus and meet some people beforehand, but everyone present themselves like that


----------



## Murmel

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> Not that I know of, it's purely optional. I think he means kids usually take the father's last name but parents can give both their last names to their children if the woman wants to carry on her last name. But if it's a single mother the child takes her last name.


I know it's sort of tradition, but I think it's a really stupid tradition.

My kid is gonna have the name that sounds best with his/her name, or the cooler of the two. Hell, if I like my future partners last name I'm totally changing to that.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Ermagherd... That's like progressive... Communist pig...


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Murmel said:


> I know it's sort of tradition, but I think it's a really stupid tradition.
> 
> My kid is gonna have the name that sounds best with his/her name, or the cooler of the two. Hell, if I like my future partners last name I'm totally changing to that.


My first name would sound stupid with my mom's last name, which is Jackson. Hmmmmmm...Joshua Murray Vs. Joshua Jackon. I'll stick with Murray. But yeah switching to whose last name is best is a GENIUS idea, I'm surprised it isn't more common.


----------



## Murmel

You make it sound like nobody has ever thought of it before. Oh world, you so silly..


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

In Korea women don't change their names when they get married, and kids take their father's last name. It can actually be a source of ridicule for kids if they have their mother's last name, because here that would indicate that their mother had them out of wedlock, and Korea's still backwards enough for that to be a reason to insult someone.


----------



## icos211

Murmel said:


> I know it's sort of tradition, but I think it's a really stupid tradition.
> 
> My kid is gonna have the name that sounds best with his/her name, or the cooler of the two. Hell, if I like my future partners last name I'm totally changing to that.



It is tradition, and it's a tradition that I very firmly adhere to. I believe in tradition, especially when it comes to marriage. I believe that when you marry, you are creating a family, and it would do well for the family to be united under a single last name. Whether it is the woman or the man who changes their last name is entirely up to the individuals involved, and I'm not trying to shit on any man who would change their last name. It would be valiant for a man to change his last name in the interest of unifying his new family, if, say, the woman was the last in her line, in my traditionalist opinion. But I'm the only chance that my family name has to continue, so I can't change mine, and my name means enough to me that I wouldn't give it up for the world.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I can dig it.


----------



## Varcolac

I like the Spanish way. You can end up with like a million surnames and that's _awesome_. Father's got an "X de la Y" surname, mother's got an "A-B" surname? Congratulations, you're now Juan Miguel X de la Y A-B, and you sound like someone from a Zorro film. Badass.

Or at least you do to anyone outside of a Spanish-speaking country. I guess in Mexico you sound like John Smith.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

icos211 said:


> You should probably lay something on the line. Just be like "Hey, I really like spending time with you, and I think we connect really well. I've been thinking a lot lately about what it would be like if we took it to the next level." Something along those lines. And as for the "that would be difficult", you should counter with "Nothing good ever comes easy." That would be some When Harry Met Sally level shit right there.



I'd probably go the other direction with it, make it known to her that whoever gets there first is going to get Tim-paled (you can steal that term, Tim) and actually chat up other women. As things stand, she simply doesn't want you enough to move on it. OR, she was waiting for you to move on it and you didn't so she wrote you off. Either way, if she calls you up every now and then, she doesn't hate your company and that's a start. Again, go chase other women, and if she does like you, she'll start to chase YOU. If she doesn't, move on. Sounds like you have one-itis, but that mindset is a waste of time, so make sure no one woman that isn't your mom or girlfriend be too important in your life man. Good luck


----------



## vilk

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Alright. Prior to now I had been loathe to come in here to whine about petty relationship nonsense, since let's face it, my "problems" pale in front of some if the shit my SSO homies have gone through. However, I need to fvcking vent.
> 
> There's a Korean chick I know here. She's a nurse who I met when I was in the hospital for my knee surgery. I got dem digits while I was there (mad game, son), and we've gone out to dinner a number of times since then, and caught a movie once. Sometimes I'll go a couple weeks without any contact, but then she randomly texts me, sometimes late at night, to see how I've been. She says she wants to start going on walks with me in the city. She asked her mom to help her teach me how to cook Korean food. She says she wants to hear me play guitar someday. She says she'd like to go out to the expat bars with me sometime.
> 
> Sounds good, right? Surely she's in to me, n'est-ce pas? Weeeeellllll...
> 
> We were out eating dinner tonight at an Indian restaurant popular with expats. It was going well, and I thought we were clicking even more than usual. At one point, though, an American couple came in. When she saw them, she said "I hope you can find an American girlfriend someday."
> 
> You know that sound Pac-Man makes when he dies? I'm pretty sure that's the sound my soul made.
> 
> I said "I'm not really interested in American girls. I'd rather have a Korean girlfriend." (Subtle, amirite?)
> Her response: "Oh. I think that would be difficult."
> 
> WTF. What the actual fvck. What. In. The. Goddamned. Fvck.
> 
> Am I just terrible at reading signals? Are cultural difference so vast that what I perceived to be signs of interest were actually just normal human behavior here? Goddammit. I'm confused, frustrated, a little angry, and increasingly despondent.
> 
> Ay. Mujeres. Ustedes saben.



She's right though. That would be difficult. She probably does like you but she's thinking about the long term consequences of dating a foreigner. Were you planning on staying in Korea forever? "I'll stay here to be with her". Now that's a lot of pressure and responsibility you've inadvertently placed on her. Not everyone wants to be someone's sole purpose for being in a place. There's loads more, but she probably just meant what she said--that she's apprehensive about actually making it official with you because that light commitment could imply a much greater commitment to a lot of things that actually are quite difficult.

And if Korean women are anything like Japanese, if she's older than 25 she wants her next boyfriend to be the man she marries, nothing short-term.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

vilk said:


> She's right though. That would be difficult. She probably does like you but she's thinking about the long term consequences of dating a foreigner. Were you planning on staying in Korea forever? "I'll stay here to be with her". Now that's a lot of pressure and responsibility you've inadvertently placed on her. Not everyone wants to be someone's sole purpose for being in a place. There's loads more, but she probably just meant what she said--that she's apprehensive about actually making it official with you because that light commitment could imply a much greater commitment to a lot of things that actually are quite difficult.
> 
> And if Korean women are anything like Japanese, if she's older than 25 she wants her next boyfriend to be the man she marries, nothing short-term.



Yeah, she's actually 32, which is past the point that puts women in I NEED TO GET MARRIED-mode here in Korea.

And hey, if she considers me being a foreigner and whatever added pressures or complications that might add to a relationship reason enough to not want to take things to the next level, fair deuce. I'm cool with that. I'm just _not_ cool with being strung along. That might not be what's actually happening, but from where I'm sitting that's certainly how it feels. She's not the only one who could be looking for someone to settle down with long-term. I'm no spring chicken, and my youthful days of sowing my wild oats are behind me and I wouldn't at all mind settling down to start a family. If she doesn't want to be anything more than just friends, cool. Whatever. I'd just like to know, so I can start looking elsewhere for someone who does.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Grand Moff Tim said:


> If she doesn't want to be anything more than just friends, cool. Whatever. I'd just like to know, so I can start looking elsewhere for someone who does.


You have to say this to her, she may be shy about it. But one of you needs to just say it.


----------



## Murmel

icos211 said:


> It is tradition, and it's a tradition that I very firmly adhere to. I believe in tradition, especially when it comes to marriage. I believe that when you marry, you are creating a family, and it would do well for the family to be united under a single last name. Whether it is the woman or the man who changes their last name is entirely up to the individuals involved, and I'm not trying to shit on any man who would change their last name. It would be valiant for a man to change his last name in the interest of unifying his new family, if, say, the woman was the last in her line, in my traditionalist opinion. But I'm the only chance that my family name has to continue, so I can't change mine, and my name means enough to me that I wouldn't give it up for the world.



I respect your opinion and your argument.
I still think it's wrong to force a name on somebody. Of course a kid is not gonna have a say in any of this, but when he/she grows old it's their own choice imo.

My parents don't share last names even though they're married, me and my siblings all have my mother's surname. I'm glad it turned out that way, because my name would sound ridiculous with my dad's. Both are generic, so in that way it doesn't really matter.

But I'm not as attached to names as others. Swedes in general don't feel strongly for their names or heritage. At least from my experience.
On the other hand, had I moved abroad I think it would've been cool to pass on my, in that case, foreign name.


----------



## Konfyouzd

One thing I've noticed...

After reading all these damn profiles... Like 85% of women write that the most important quality in a mate is honesty... Or they write some long-winded monologue in there that basically equates to "You better not lie to me."

Men...

Are we REALLY lying on that large a scale or is that one of those stereotypes women tell each other about us like how we say "Watch your wallet son, she a gold diggah!"?


----------



## Cabinet

It depends. In my experience women don't just want a man that won't lie, they want a man that can be open and honest with his vulnerabilities. It's a big thing about communication. If she asks what's bothering you, open up and tell her.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Ahh... I see... It's be cool if they led by example and communicated THAT point more clearly... 

... or bothered to at least say hi after getting daily notifications that they've viewed your details... Window shopping I suppose... Or checking back to see if I've posted a pic yet that reveals whether or not I have muscles... 

/nit-picky-douche-nozzle


----------



## TylerEstes

vilk said:


> The word 'girlfriend' is a formality and a social construct. If you hang out a lot and have sex, she's your girlfriend. If you guys can fool around with other people and not care, you're in an open relationship. If either of you stop seeing each other or stop sleeping together, then you've broken up. It's only that you've decided to go about it all without placing these needless labels on everything you're doing. And props on that--that's the way it should be done anyway.
> 
> It doesn't matter what anyone calls it. It matters what you do.





We never talk and we hang out maybe twice a month. With girlfriends I try to talk to them every day and hang out with them at least once or twice a week with the occasional date. I don't consider her my girlfriend and we've never gone anywhere together unless it's GameStop. But we have sex every time we hang out. Not so with girlfriends. And with this girl I leave pretty much after I put my clothes on  I agree with it matters what you do. Only hang out to have sex and then leave right afterward.


----------



## flint757

Konfyouzd said:


> One thing I've noticed...
> 
> After reading all these damn profiles... Like 85% of women write that the most important quality in a mate is honesty... Or they write some long-winded monologue in there that basically equates to "You better not lie to me."
> 
> Men...
> 
> Are we REALLY lying on that large a scale or is that one of those stereotypes women tell each other about us like how we say "Watch your wallet son, she a gold diggah!"?



Big contradiction anyhow. When you first get with a girl both parties did some lying to get to that point usually. Dress nicer, clean up your place more than usual, shave on the regular even if you don't normally, etc. Women pretend they are either okay or into some of the things we as guys do and then in most cases flip the script when things get 'serious'. Guys do the same though I suppose.

In the dating game we are all trying to make ourselves overkill appealing. It's only once people begin to feel comfortable and secure that the relationship isn't going to dissipate that people start doing what they usually do again. Or let loose some undesirable traits. I've come to realize from observing mine and my friends relationships that it seems women think things guys like to do are usually 'childish'. Like being an adult and in particularly an adult in a relationship means dropping things in your past and picking up new less interesting hobbies.

Maybe I just need to find a girl whose hobby isn't being in a relationship.


----------



## MFB

I've been thinking about it the past few days what with Valentine's being this past weekend, and I'm always surprised at my apathy towards dating. My last relationship was in September of 2010 (and I even posted of it in this thread! ) which kind of fell into my lap but since then I haven't really cared. I could've had something during my stint in California two years ago but since I moved back I go to school 12 hours a week, do about 20 hours of homework, and work 30 hours a week - 24 hours of which are night shifts that go until midnight. Literally, the only day I'm NOT somewhere during the week is Fridays and on those days I don't want to do anything but recoup and gather strength for the next 6 day push.

Relationships to me are like breakfast, they're great and all but it's a lot of preparation for five to ten minutes of delicious food and then it's over


----------



## Sean1242

MFB said:


> Relationships to me are like breakfast, they're great and all but it's a lot of preparation for five to ten minutes of delicious food and then it's over



As a culinary student, I absolutely love this analogy.


----------



## Konfyouzd

flint757 said:


> Maybe I just need to find a girl whose hobby isn't being in a relationship.



These are the worst *sang like John Ralfio*


----------



## UnderTheSign

vilk said:


> The word 'girlfriend' is a formality and a social construct. If you hang out a lot and have sex, she's your girlfriend. If you guys can fool around with other people and not care, you're in an open relationship. If either of you stop seeing each other or stop sleeping together, then you've broken up. It's only that you've decided to go about it all without placing these needless labels on everything you're doing. And props on that--that's the way it should be done anyway.
> 
> It doesn't matter what anyone calls it. It matters what you do.


I disagree. Calling someone your girlfriend implies you're in a relationship and I think defining it as such is a mutual decision, not something that magically happens because you chill and boink on a (semi) regular basis.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Communications have begun with a local redhead... 

Oh shit... 

I wonder if she'll be hungry Friday...


----------



## MFB

Sean1242 said:


> As a culinary student, I absolutely love this analogy.



I love breakfast like nobody's business, but I have no problem admitting it's a lot of work for little reward, which sucks


----------



## piggins411

Konfyouzd said:


> Communications have begun with a local redhead...
> 
> Oh shit...
> 
> I wonder if she'll be hungry Friday...



Nope. It's a well-researched fact that redheads are never hungry on Fridays. Sorry man


----------



## Konfyouzd

Well dammit... I guess I'll have to try for sooner... I'm off tomorrow... :-D

EDIT: Sunday it is...


----------



## DoomJazz

Had a dream last night where my ex snuck in my head and walked past me, but covered up in a black hoodie, so I could only see her face, and she walked past me, with a face of scorn and anger. She looked better than any girl I have ever seen, even being completely modest with clothing. 

It's been 2 years since I broke it off, why the .... am I still having dreams about this girl? It was finally getting better, where when I would dream about her, it would be of me rejecting her, but we are back at square one of missing her. 

I don't miss her outright, I still wouldn't get back with her, but subconsciously, I miss her a shit ton apparently.

Total ..... Rant over.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I see it kind of like I see quitting cigarettes, man...

Once you quit, you can say no but the desire is always still kind of there. There are plenty of exes I still think about and when I think about them (or when I have any memory for that matter) I tend to put myself back in the state of mind I was in when I enjoyed said memory.

If you can think about her now and smile it's a good thing. Means you're moving on.


----------



## Koloss85

well my friends, humbly request your input. I've been dating this amazing girl for awhile now and things are great.
Thing is guys seem to constantly be going after her at her job and school, knowing she's not available. at first i brushed it off but now its starting to really bother me. She tells me she shuts them down, doesn't flirt back. She affirms her commitment to me. 
I haven't shown her how this is getting to me. I don't believe shed do anything to jeopardize what we have. I don't want to have this jealousy or these feelings. How to i get over this and move forward cultivating more trust?


----------



## Cabinet

It will help you to tell her that you do indeed get jealous. It also gives her a chance to help you work through it. A relationship isn't a competition, it's a joint effort. I'm confident she wants to make this relationship work just as much as you do; my advice is to tell her how you feel about it and just talk things out with her.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Simple you just have to.....trust her, there's no other way to do it. People at the end of the day are going to whatever they want, but if she's really just committed to you, she'll keep turning them down. I would advise you not tell her that you feel jealous, some chicks may find that cute and all, but some chicks will find that as weak and insecure. It's a crap shoot if you go that route.


----------



## Church2224

Well I am back on the market again.

Truth be told I was not happy with this girl, she just did not ignite the spark that I have felt for girls in the past. Still she wants to be friends and a booty call haha.

Any tips for getting back out there lol.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Church2224 said:


> Well I am back on the market again.
> 
> Truth be told I was not happy with this girl, she just did not ignite the spark that I have felt for girls in the past. Still she wants to be friends and a booty call haha.
> 
> Any tips for getting back out there lol.


That sucks dude.I'd totally accept that booty call though


----------



## vilk

I still dream about my ex girlfriend from high school. They're like my favorite dreams.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Chu'ch - Acquire the booty.


----------



## Koloss85

Well. After thinking about it I felt like I was gonna burst inside because it's been bothering me for awhile. So choosing my words carefully, I brought it up to her. She really helped work thru it all. She just put me at ease. Even tho I'm not happy about these disrespectful assholes, I feel even closer with her and do trust her more. 
I got a really special one on my hands fellas


----------



## Konfyouzd

That's good you worked it out. Had you ever approached the dude before? I had a few guys doing that once and I just rolled up on em and told em if I heard d about it again we were gonna have a problem. That was the end of that.

I didn't say this to a group... Individuals in separate instances...


----------



## Koloss85

Lol no, I haven't yet atleast.


----------



## TylerEstes

Konfyouzd said:


> Communications have begun with a local redhead...
> 
> Oh shit...
> 
> I wonder if she'll be hungry Friday...



Naw dude, redheads don't eat on Fridays. She might be thirsty, though.

NOM SAYIN'?


----------



## Konfyouzd

So date 1 went well... 

I've also noticed that women never notice you more than when you're already with one...


----------



## Konfyouzd

^And I'm somehow already losing interest... 

I can't really put my finger on it... She didn't do anything wrong per se... I'm just not really interested anymore... I don't really think about her unless I get a message from her and whenever she asks to hang out I get this feeling like when my mom used to ask me to do the dishes... :-\


----------



## no_dice

Konfyouzd said:


> ^And I'm somehow already losing interest...
> 
> I can't really put my finger on it... She didn't do anything wrong per se... I'm just not really interested anymore... I don't really think about her unless I get a message from her and whenever she asks to hang out I get this feeling like when my mom used to ask me to do the dishes... :-\



Is this the one you used to see around and want to ask her out but never did? If so, maybe she didn't live up to how you imagined it would be if you went out with her. It's okay to be disappointed.  If you're not vibing with her, then on to the next one.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Nope... Different chick... I still haven't asked the other one out. Still making small talk... 

I really don't think I like relationships to be honest... When I don't have one I seem to miss the whole "companionship" thing but I really don't like them on the whole...

Part of the reason I don't some other chicks out, I think, is that I know I'm inevitably going to feel this way... 

Single = bored...

Taken = trapped...



There's also the fact that it seems like I've just taken on way too much shit lately...

I have 2 music lessons/week that I have to practice for. I play about 5 instruments. My "drummer" has me helping him on some program he wants to write (meanwhile doing absolutely NO drumming so I work with 2 other people and we arrange drums or damn selves). I have work and my commute can but upwards of 2.5 hours each way. I try to still go to the gym because I refuse to let my fitness goals die. I have to take care of my dogs which requires that I walk them relatively frequently. Somehow I have to find the time to clean my house in between all these other things and then I have to sleep. The worst part is the drummer calls me SEVERAL times a day to talk about this goddamn program when we already meet twice a week for several hours...

I don't think I have enough energy in me... 

Somehow spending time w/ a gf almost just seems like another chore...


----------



## no_dice

Damn, that's a lot on your plate! I can see how dealing with a relationship could end up just frustrating you. You're obviously a smart dude who knows your priorities. Maybe you'll eventually meet someone who makes you feel relaxed and at ease to be around, rather than just adding stress.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I hope so... I'm starting to see why so many people are on anxiety/depression meds around here... I'm pretty sure they don't have those ailments, it just makes things feel like they're moving slower...


----------



## CrushingAnvil

So I posted a while ago how I was basically in love with this girl from London. She told me she couldn't do it like a week later, but we still talk and we still would be together if we could. We really get each other.

But actually, there's this girl at the moment and I figured I'd tell you folks about her:

I first saw her in high school when I was 16-years-old. She's a year younger, so she was 15 at the time. I remember thinking "WHO is that? She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." Yep, sounds pretty corny, but since then -every time I've seen her - I've thought "man she's who I'd be with if I could WILL it to be the case..."

2-3 or even 4 weeks ago I struck up a conversation with her on Facebook. She works on an island resort off the coast of a certain side of Australia now, so I don't know if or when she's coming back to New Zealand. I'm doing pretty well with overlooking that distance issue since I'm pretty sure she's not prepared to do that for YEARS. She has family back here. 

Anyway, I just spoke to her and was straightforward and honest and just made it clear that I wanted to know her better. Turns out she's really nice and pretty easy to talk to, so pretty soon I was revvin' up those feels even moar.

Fast forward to Tuesday of the week that's just finishing: I tell her about the fact that "there are certain things that I want to say [to her] but can't" (let's ignore whether that was a good move or not). She gives a vague reply and I tell her something semi-important and kinda corny - not worth mentioning. She doesn't reply for like four days.

I make a post about "someone" probably having turned off facebook chat with me. It was 60% humour. 

I get a message from her like "Hey was that post about me?", so not wanting to miss an opportunity to let her know I give some ....s, I said "woah you totally just called me on that".

Her: yep!

So we start talking and she isn't crept out or anything - she's totally cool still. 

She keeps calling me a dork in that kind of 'I like how you're a dork' way. 

I think things are looking up.


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## CrushingAnvil

Before I go to bed, I thought I'd add that I was basically depressed for a full three days because I was convinced that she'd just had enough and that I'd essentially lost her for good. 

So...I'm ....ing ecstatic right now.


----------



## MFB

Konfyouzd said:


> ^And I'm somehow already losing interest...
> 
> I can't really put my finger on it... She didn't do anything wrong per se... I'm just not really interested anymore... I don't really think about her unless I get a message from her and whenever she asks to hang out I get this feeling like when my mom used to ask me to do the dishes... :-\



I'd imagine it's the way you hyped her up initially after just seeing her, now that you've "got" her there's no chase left or anything and that's why it's 'boring'


----------



## Konfyouzd

There was no hype really, though. Not with this one... All the ones I've hyped up in my mind I've still yet to even ask out.


----------



## AndruwX

My girlfriend is starting to say that I am "the love of her life"
What does that mean?


----------



## MFB

AndruwX said:


> My girlfriend is starting to say that I am "the love of her life"
> What does that mean?



She wants you to get married and never leave her


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

For Konfyouzd


----------



## CrushingAnvil

MFB said:


> I'd imagine it's the way you hyped her up initially after just seeing her, now that you've "got" her there's no chase left or anything and that's why it's 'boring'



Here's some advice for anyone in this situation:

Try not having a girlfriend for 7-8 depressing years - then try losing interest


----------



## piggins411

AndruwX said:


> My girlfriend is starting to say that I am "the love of her life"
> What does that mean?




Isn't it kind of self-explanatory?


----------



## CrushingAnvil

AndruwX said:


> My girlfriend is starting to say that I am "the love of her life"
> What does that mean?



She f-cking hates you, dude.


----------



## Cabinet

Konfyouzd said:


> Nope... Different chick... I still haven't asked the other one out. Still making small talk...
> 
> I really don't think I like relationships to be honest... When I don't have one I seem to miss the whole "companionship" thing but I really don't like them on the whole...
> 
> Part of the reason I don't some other chicks out, I think, is that I know I'm inevitably going to feel this way...
> 
> Single = bored...
> 
> Taken = trapped...
> 
> 
> 
> There's also the fact that it seems like I've just taken on way too much shit lately...
> 
> I have 2 music lessons/week that I have to practice for. I play about 5 instruments. My "drummer" has me helping him on some program he wants to write (meanwhile doing absolutely NO drumming so I work with 2 other people and we arrange drums or damn selves). I have work and my commute can but upwards of 2.5 hours each way. I try to still go to the gym because I refuse to let my fitness goals die. I have to take care of my dogs which requires that I walk them relatively frequently. Somehow I have to find the time to clean my house in between all these other things and then I have to sleep. The worst part is the drummer calls me SEVERAL times a day to talk about this goddamn program when we already meet twice a week for several hours...
> 
> I don't think I have enough energy in me...
> 
> Somehow spending time w/ a gf almost just seems like another chore...



I was in a very similar position late last year. Up until that point I was playing a modern Casanova of one night stand swagger and bullshit because even though I still love women I didn't want a relationship that was so committed (for fear of being hurt emotionally, and investing myself into something that would fail). I thought that ....ing college girls was the pinnacle of companionship for the next few years and looking back on it, I was missing out on a lot.

Where you are standing on the issue, I get the impression you really DO want someone you can curl up with at the end of the day, but you don't want someone who's going to pressure you into anything that makes you uncomfortable, or put labels on whatever stage of bond you may be in. If you can agree on that, than we are quite similar and my advice is this:

Play the field until you find a girl you want to spend more time with. A girl that keeps you interested more than most. If you'd like to keep her for yourself, let her know that you'd like to be exclusive with her and let the whole bond grow naturally on it's own.
SO many women think this way. There are so many women that are nervous of that commitment pressure, and when you find a woman that understands where you are coming from, you'll both be well off to start a totally rad relationship that may blossom into something you admire and want to keep


----------



## DoomJazz

Things are going well after getting back together with the ex, but I have a hardcore crush on a girl that I've talked to online once or twice, we haven't spoken in a while, but she's going to be an astrophysicist and is visually my type of girl to a T. Instant attraction. I'm trying to find an excuse to talk to her again.

Did I mention she has a boyfriend of over a year? 

EDIT: I will always enter this thread with warm wishes for Konfyouzd


----------



## Cabinet

DoomJazz said:


> Things are going well after getting back together with the ex, but I have a hardcore crush on a girl that I've talked to online once or twice, we haven't spoken in a while, but she's going to be an astrophysicist and is visually my type of girl to a T. Instant attraction. I'm trying to find an excuse to talk to her again.
> 
> Did I mention she has a boyfriend of over a year?
> 
> EDIT: I will always enter this thread with warm wishes for Konfyouzd



My SO has a PHD in theoretical physics. When I learned this my "attraction" literally rose


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Cabinet said:


> I was in a very similar position late last year. Up until that point I was playing a modern Casanova of one night stand swagger and bullshit because even though I still love women I didn't want a relationship that was so committed (for fear of being hurt emotionally, and investing myself into something that would fail). I thought that ....ing college girls was the pinnacle of companionship for the next few years and looking back on it, I was missing out on a lot.
> 
> Where you are standing on the issue, I get the impression you really DO want someone you can curl up with at the end of the day, but you don't want someone who's going to pressure you into anything that makes you uncomfortable, or put labels on whatever stage of bond you may be in. If you can agree on that, than we are quite similar and my advice is this:
> 
> Play the field until you find a girl you want to spend more time with. A girl that keeps you interested more than most. If you'd like to keep her for yourself, let her know that you'd like to be exclusive with her and let the whole bond grow naturally on it's own.
> SO many women think this way. There are so many women that are nervous of that commitment pressure, and when you find a woman that understands where you are coming from, you'll both be well off to start a totally rad relationship that may blossom into something you admire and want to keep



That's pretty much exactly how I see it, and how I go about things. By default, I'm not looking for anything more than casual. Rather than actively seeking a relationship or commitment, I approach every situation with the same goal/mindset. I leave it up to the girl to change my mind about what I want. That way, I know I'm committing to a girl for the right reasons, rather than just using her for companionship because nobody else was around, you know what I mean? I like being single. Hell, I _love_ being single. It's to the point that pretty much all of my close friends joke about my commitment issues. It's just about finding the girl that you value more than the perks of single life. That's the one I commit to.


----------



## DoomJazz

Cabinet said:


> My SO has a PHD in theoretical physics. When I learned this my "attraction" literally rose



Lmfao, yeah, as my old motto goes.

Nothing's more sexual than a well read intellectual. 

And good on you for such a catch!


----------



## Ed_Ibanez_Shred

Yo guys, you seem experienced and wise to me (as I'm only 18). I recently added a girl who was in my old school's jazz band on fb (she was the singer, I played bass ) and I'm desperate to strike up a convo with her, but I have no idea how to open. She's kinda uber hot and whenever she sang 'r.e.s.p.e.c.t' I practically got a semi  

save me guys, you're my only hope


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Ed_Ibanez_Shred said:


> Yo guys, you seem experienced and wise to me (as I'm only 18). I recently added a girl who was in my old school's jazz band on fb (she was the singer, I played bass ) and I'm desperate to strike up a convo with her, but I have no idea how to open. She's kinda uber hot and whenever she sang 'r.e.s.p.e.c.t' I practically got a semi
> 
> save me guys, you're my only hope



"Hey, been a while since Jazz band. What have you been up to/How have you been since?" She'll help you take it from there.


----------



## Ed_Ibanez_Shred

JeffFromMtl said:


> "Hey, been a while since Jazz band. What have you been up to/How have you been since?" She'll help you take it from there.



shit that seems so obvious, I'll give it a go  thanks man


----------



## Negav

Life Update: Found a girl. She is totally interested. Been talking for about two weeks now. I knew her since august last year. We met in an Organic Chemistry lab, she was my lab mentor. She's one year older but none of us care. She's religious but yesterday I told her that I am an atheist and that I don't like when people think ill of me, or try to convert me to a religion because of it. She's cool with it. She's attractive, have a nice voice. I've never been into big breasts but man that's something else. She seems like a girl who is open to a good sexual life. I don't know if she's smart, hopefully she is, but she aspires to be a doctor and that's a good thing since I'll be an Organic Chemist, or Pharmacologist, or Pharmacist. She likes to sing, which is good since one day, when I get better at guitar, we could have fun and such. I'm doing my best to keep the interest alive. She's down to go out, haven't been able due to university work, but we separated a weekend to study together in the university. Lets see where this goes. She is interested, and so am I (at first I was, then it went down due to her possible religiosity, but it went back up when she told me she was fine with me being an atheist since Christians should, by nature, accept and love people how they are) 

This is a great move from my past horrible experiences with other girls. Wish me luck, as I wish you all the best of luck.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Ed_Ibanez_Shred said:


> shit that seems so obvious, I'll give it a go  thanks man



Don't over-think things, man  You'll be alright.


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

JeffFromMtl said:


> Don't over-think things, man  You'll be alright.



That's pretty much the problem I have, over-thinking things XD. It leads to me being even more awkward than I am already.


----------



## Ed_Ibanez_Shred

Ocara-Jacob said:


> That's pretty much the problem I have, over-thinking things XD. It leads to me being even more awkward than I am already.



Oh jeez me too man


----------



## Ed_Ibanez_Shred

JeffFromMtl said:


> "Hey, been a while since Jazz band. What have you been up to/How have you been since?" She'll help you take it from there.



Right just messaged her now I just hope she remembers who I actually am  fingers crossed


----------



## icos211

So Im going out 2 stepping with some friends tonight at the local college bar. I only learned how to dance last night, and know about a total of 1.73 spins. So basically, these ladies are expecting wild mustang stallions, and I'm going out there like a baby giraffe trying to figure out how to stand... So Im going out there fully prepared for embarrassment. But hey, I might actually end up interacting with the opposite gender for the first time in....

My former future brother in law met his soon-to-be future wife while dancing at a notorious gay club in Dallas, so maybe this dancing thing is something I should try to do every once in a while from now on.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Ocara-Jacob said:


> That's pretty much the problem I have, over-thinking things XD. It leads to me being even more awkward than I am already.





I'd rather that than underthinking... 

I think it's the tendency of people to think too little that often makes folks who dare to think a situation through seem as though they're "overthinking". But screw it... A failure to prepare is preparation for failure... 

Also, if more ppl were more up front about what they were thinking/feeling it'd save "overthinkers" a lot of trouble. 

On a side note... I think I'm about to friend zone a chick for the first time ever... This is actually hard to do... I need to talk to one of my female "friends" about how they go about doing that...


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

Konfyouzd said:


> On a side note... I think I'm about to friend zone a chick for the first time ever... This is actually hard to do... I need to talk to one of my female "friends" about how they go about doing that...



Hahaha that's new. I had to do that once, I basically just said "Look, you're wonderful, but I like being your friend, and I'd hate to risk our friendship over a relationship."


----------



## kamello

Ocara-Jacob said:


> Hahaha that's new. I had to do that once, I basically just said "Look, you're wonderful, but I like being your friend, and I'd hate to* risk our friendship over a relationship*."





sorry, but the only time a Girl said that to me I said ''oh, cool, in my case though, I have no interest in being friends  ''

probably the time I was the biggest asshole in my life, but hell, in the long-way, at least when you get stupididly atached like me, it's the healthiest thing to do


----------



## Konfyouzd

Oh... So exactly the same thing they say to us... That makes sense...

I just felt like since that's definitely their move she might feel patronized, but it's rare that we're shown that courtesy so meh... 

@Kamello - I've done that as well. One chick I was "seeing" for a while answered a ROMANTIC PERSONALS AD... Then proceded to just come over to my house and sleep all damn day long and then just randomly leave to go home later on in the day. It wouldn't be so weird to me if she didn't seem to intentionally sit as far as possible away from me on the couch and place inanimate objects between us to drive the point home. I couldn't help but wonder why she spent so much time at my house other than maybe her being homeless and/or just completely unhappy at home. In either case I was being used.

Upon asking her what she was looking for in answering my ad, she told me "Just someone to chill with..." I took this to be complete BS as my intentions were clearly stated in the ad and nothing about her suiggested she was worth waiting for in terms of her "eventually coming around'. So when she told me that, I replied with, "That sounds nice, but at the moment I have enough friends. Please come get your things." 

Friends, as far as I've come to understand it when used in that situation, means that they want you to continue treating them the way you did when you thought you were getting somewhere by showing them you're interested, but they have no intentions of reciprocating in any way shape or form. If you change up and start treating them like everyone else after that, you've "changed" or are "being mean now".

I personally no longer give a shit...


----------



## UnderTheSign

Konfyouzd said:


> Oh... So exactly the same thing they say to us... That makes sense...
> 
> I just felt like since that's definitely their move she might feel patronized, but it's rare that we're shown that courtesy so meh...


I like to think that aside from some obvious differences, we're all human and appreciate (genuine) honesty. Thinking tht some stuff is "their move", "their thing" etc is unnecessary overcomplicating it.
My girlfriend and I mostly pushed aside all the "their thing"/"girl stuff/guy stuff" bollocks and it certainly makes things a lot easier. She tells me what she feels has to be told and vice versa. 

Also, be the little spoon for a change. It's goddamn comfy.


----------



## asher

UnderTheSign said:


> I like to think that aside from some obvious differences, we're all human and appreciate (genuine) honesty. Thinking tht some stuff is "their move", "their thing" etc is unnecessary overcomplicating it.
> My girlfriend and I mostly pushed aside all the "their thing"/"girl stuff/guy stuff" bollocks and it certainly makes things a lot easier. She tells me what she feels has to be told and vice versa.
> 
> Also, be the little spoon for a change. It's goddamn comfy.



Jetpacking is yes.


----------



## DoomJazz

asher said:


> Jetpacking is yes.



You are getting rep for naming something I have loved forever. You are my hero.


----------



## UnderTheSign

asher said:


> Jetpacking is yes.


Didn't know there was a word for that. But hell yes 

edit: told the gf "did you know it's called jetpacking?" her response "next time I'm gassy I'll say 'ready for lift off', then"...


----------



## asher

DoomJazz said:


> You are getting rep for naming something I have loved forever. You are my hero.





UnderTheSign said:


> Didn't know there was a word for that. But hell yes
> 
> edit: told the gf "did you know it's called jetpacking?" her response "next time I'm gassy I'll say 'ready for lift off', then"...





I wish I could take credit for that, but I definitely heard that from somewhere else (and it's not where I'm about to link). It's also what, in my head at least, this song is named for:

Periphery - "Jetpacks Was Yes!" Distort Ent - YouTube


----------



## CrushingAnvil

Started going out with this girl yesterday (not the girl from my last posts - I semi-gave-up on her); doesn't last 18 hours before she cheats on me with her ex.


----------



## asher

CrushingAnvil said:


> Started going out with this girl yesterday (not the girl from my last posts - I semi-gave-up on her); doesn't last 18 hours before she cheats on me with her ex.


 
wtf


----------



## CrushingAnvil

asher said:


> wtf



Yep. First girlfriend in 6 years too. I'm probably in shock at the moment...I'll probably break down in the next day or two


----------



## Señor Voorhees

If you feel like being an optimist, at least you didn't invest years into her before she shit on you. Better to have this crap happen early on than after you've built a life with her.


----------



## BlackMastodon

^Silver lining right there. Shit even wasting a month on her would've been a pain in the ass to have it end up like that.


----------



## CrushingAnvil

Señor Voorhees;3955203 said:


> If you feel like being an optimist, at least you didn't invest years into her before she shit on you. Better to have this crap happen early on than after you've built a life with her.



We're still a thing. That might make me seem gutless or like a pushover, but it's not like I feel nothing for her. She's said she's sorry a million times and I've never believed her any of those times. I just said I want to forgive her but don't know how. I want to find out how to forgive her, and I want to wait - with her - until then.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

CrushingAnvil said:


> I want to find out how to forgive her


Easy, DON'T! She cheated on you in less than a day of you guys becoming official. Spare yourself the bs and get over her, staying with her could lead you down a dark road. There are WAY better woman out there.


----------



## flint757

Dude....


----------



## Señor Voorhees

Yeah, if you were only kind of seeing each other unofficially, that'd be one thing, but committing and then breaking the commitment in les than 20 hours is a huge red flag. I know it sucks being single, but it's no reason to get into a toxic relationship which will be a thousand times more frustrating in the end (and even in the near future).

You'll always be questioning her whereabouts, and rightfully so. It can only be beneficial to continue your search for a decent girl. There are a lot of them out there. Like I said, it's better to find out early that they're a waste of time, and for you this girl seems to be a waste of time. I can pretty much guarantee it'll just end up happening again.


----------



## -42-

CrushingAnvil said:


> We're still a thing. That might make me seem gutless or like a pushover, but it's not like I feel nothing for her. She's said she's sorry a million times and I've never believed her any of those times. I just said I want to forgive her but don't know how. I want to find out how to forgive her, and I want to wait - with her - until then.



Back the fu_c_k out dude. She is obviously not ready for a serious relationship and - from the sound of it - neither are you.


----------



## Cabinet

CrushingAnvil said:


> We're still a thing. That might make me seem gutless or like a pushover, but it's not like I feel nothing for her. She's said she's sorry a million times and I've never believed her any of those times. I just said I want to forgive her but don't know how. I want to find out how to forgive her, and I want to wait - with her - until then.



She most likely sincerely means she is sorry; however, she clearly does not have her priorities straight since she managed to cheat on you so quickly. She's in a place where she is easily manipulated and her emotions are overwhelming her.
You need her to see that -you- are not going to put up with it, and you are the prize she wants. If you put up with this bullshit, she's going to continue to test how much she can get away with, and that is something you really do not need to be a part of. What people here are saying is true; it is bad news if you keep chasing her.

Let her come to you, be strong and honest. It is no fun being with someone that you have to worry about, and if you keep investing in her emotionally, the pain gets worse and worse.


----------



## asher

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> Easy, DON'T! She cheated on you in less than a day of you guys becoming official. Spare yourself the bs and get over her, staying with her could lead you down a dark road. There are WAY better woman out there.


 
No. No no no no no.

Forgiving is key to accepting that it happened and being able to move on without being emotionally hung up on it. It's also important for understanding.

That being said, forgiving her doesn't mean it never happened and doesn't stop you from taking any of the advice offered above.


----------



## flint757

Most people can't really forgive for that though. Even if you can truly forgive them you really can never trust them the same ever again. 

My first girlfriend back in intermediate school cheated on my 3 times. I kept forgiving her and taking her back too. At the time I really did forgive her as well, but I could no longer trust her so the relationship got a lot more confrontational until we broke up for every reason, but the cheating. If someone cheats they do not deserve a second chance and even if you can manage to forgive them, and give them a second chance, the relationship is changed forever (and not for the better). Trust is easy to lose and hard to earn.

I could see someone feeling conflicted if the relationship was more than a month, but just a day, I'd say call it quits. Trust me, you do not want this to happen a couple of months from now when you're more attached. It will hurt that much worse. I have to ask though, were y'all an actual item at this point? Did she very recently break up with her ex? Either way I think you should bail, but if y'all aren't officially dating yet, and only went on a date, then nothing 'wrong' really occurred. She's got some emotional baggage and is obviously conflicted/confused, but it isn't really cheating if y'all aren't a thing either. Either way bail.


----------



## BlackMastodon

CrushingAnvil said:


> We're still a thing. That might make me seem gutless or like a pushover, but it's not like I feel nothing for her. She's said she's sorry a million times and I've never believed her any of those times. I just said I want to forgive her but don't know how. I want to find out how to forgive her, and I want to wait - with her - until then.


Dude, no, don't forgive her. If you do then she'll think that she can walk all over you and get away with cheating on you more. I honestly say that you're (somewhat) lucky in that she did it so fast. That should be a huge red flag to gtfo and cut her out of life. You shouldn't have to put up with it and it will only end up worse in the long run. Save yourself while you can.


----------



## asher

Forgiving her and taking her back are two separate things and the one does not necessitate the other.


----------



## flint757

asher said:


> Forgiving her and taking her back are two separate things and the one does not necessitate the other.



That's a good point.


----------



## asher

flint757 said:


> That's a good point.



I was trying to say that with the first post too but I think I failed


----------



## CrushingAnvil

Hey guys, thanks for your advice/support. I think you're right - she is wrong to expect me to forgive her so quickly, or even at all. I can't trust her at all now. She says it wouldn't have happened if I lived closer, but that's not an excuse to go f-ck your second-to-last ex 

I'll try to move on. Maybe I'll stay in dream land/tell the other girl I've liked since high school how I feel.


----------



## flint757

If she straight up tells you she slept with someone else because you didn't live close enough she is absolutely not worth it. She's basically telling you she'll do it again if you aren't readily available. She got some issues that she needs to work out. Good on you for walking away.


----------



## CrushingAnvil

flint757 said:


> If she straight up tells you she slept with someone else because you didn't live close enough she is absolutely not worth it. She's basically telling you she'll do it again if you aren't readily available. She got some issues that she needs to work out. Good on you for walking away.



"I won't be able to survive ... I would be looking for sex"

"If I tell you that I'll sleep with other guys beforehand is that still cheating [?] ... Like asking your permission?"

f ucking nope.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

CrushingAnvil said:


> "I won't be able to survive ... I would be looking for sex"
> 
> "If I tell you that I'll sleep with other guys beforehand is that still cheating [?] ... Like asking your permission?"
> 
> f ucking nope.


She's


----------



## CrushingAnvil

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> She's



She's only a year younger than me, and she's acting like a 19-year-old whore. It's infuriating. She's really sweet in every other way, but just doesn't understand how much that kind of thing hurts a guy.


----------



## BlackMastodon

CrushingAnvil said:


> "I won't be able to survive ... I would be looking for sex"
> 
> "If I tell you that I'll sleep with other guys beforehand is that still cheating [?] ... Like asking your permission?"
> 
> f ucking nope.


*Ahem*


----------



## Negav

What the .... is this about nice girls and worthless guys? How is it that they tie the girls up so well? Can't stand it. 

Also, stopped talking to the girl I mentioned. Seems like in the end I didn't like her, and not even enough to "wait until marriage" for sex.. Now I'll state a point. Guys, don't spent time with women you simply don't like just because you don't want to be single. There are billions of women out there to be living that BS. Live a good life and be open to possibilities.


----------



## Murmel

Watching How I Met Your Mother and realising that Robin is totally like my best friend. Except my my friend doesn't get a new boyfriend every 5 episodes, but other than that it's pretty much spot on


----------



## Konfyouzd

Going out Friday with a chick I met in CVS... 

I like this one a lil better... 

EDIT: Might be meeting up with her tonight as well... Damn son. 

Also, Murmel... What about your best friend reminds you of Robin? Bc the only thing I ever took from her was that she's an insecure hoe...


----------



## BucketheadRules

CrushingAnvil said:


> "If I tell you that I'll sleep with other guys beforehand is that still cheating [?] ... Like asking your permission?"



What... the _fuuuck?_

That is ridiculous. You'd have to be mad to go back to her.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Well... isn't that an "open relationship"?


----------



## Cabinet

Yes and there is a reason they never really work out.


----------



## flint757

Especially if one didn't sign up for the open relationship. 

An open relationship is only open if it is agreed upon by both parties. If it isn't then it's just cheating.


----------



## no_dice

Cabinet said:


> Yes and there is a reason they never really work out.



I always imagine if one person is getting more on the side than the other, that it can lead to bitterness. Judging by the people I've known that were in open relationships, I'm not too far off.


----------



## UnderTheSign

flint757 said:


> Especially if one didn't sign up for the open relationship.
> 
> An open relationship is only open if it is agreed upon by both parties. If it isn't then it's just cheating.


Exactly. And agreeing upon it "because she'll do it anyway" is not a good idea 

As for how well they work... I've seen good and I've seen bad. When compared I think I've seen relatively more monogamous relationships fail than poly. It might not be everyones cup of tea (not mine either) but might be for some people.


----------



## Cabinet

no_dice said:


> I always imagine if one person is getting more on the side than the other, that it can lead to bitterness. Judging by the people I've known that were in open relationships, I'm not too far off.



Well, it is easier for women to find a willing male to have sex with. From a very basic but entirely true standpoint.


----------



## no_dice

Cabinet said:


> Well, it is easier for women to find a willing male to have sex with. From a very basic but entirely true standpoint.



I don't think many people will dispute that.


----------



## Konfyouzd

UnderTheSign said:


> Exactly. And agreeing upon it "because she'll do it anyway" is not a good idea
> 
> As for how well they work... I've seen good and I've seen bad. When compared I think I've seen relatively more monogamous relationships fail than poly. It might not be everyones cup of tea (not mine either) but might be for some people.



To be fair, one is more common than the other because we're indoctrinated to believe that one is inherently more right than the other. The more common one is bound to see more failures for the simple fact that it's more common.


----------



## CrushingAnvil

Told the girl I've had a major thing for since high school how I felt. 

Got the most underwhelming 'I don't know what to say to that because I think you're weird' response.


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> To be fair, one is more common than the other because we're indoctrinated to believe that one is inherently more right than the other. The more common one is bound to see more failures for the simple fact that it's more common.


 
Yeah. We're not really wired for monogamy.


----------



## CrushingAnvil

"Well I think you're a nice guy and I like talking to you but that's as far as it goes.."

Funny that. That's always as far as it goes. 

I am now just a device that resembles a human which turns grief into fury.


----------



## CrushingAnvil

"Ohhh don't be so down on yourself"

>telling me that after 7 years of WHAT YOU JUST SAID TO ME


----------



## UnderTheSign

Konfyouzd said:


> To be fair, one is more common than the other because we're indoctrinated to believe that one is inherently more right than the other. The more common one is bound to see more failures for the simple fact that it's more common.


Hence 'relatively. I agree though, had the majority of society been polygamous we'd see more failures in those relationships. Was mostly responding to the "there's a reason they almost never work out" post.


----------



## Santuzzo

@Crushing Anvil: 
like others have said, no matter how much it may hurt you right now, move on, your life will change for the better, trust me.
I think you can forgive her and you should, but to me that does not mean giving her a 2nd chance with you. Forgiving her is something you should do for your own sake, so you are at peace. Now, this may take a while, but eventually you will be able to forgive.


----------



## AndruwX

If your heart is broken and you're reading this, I want you to know that I love you, internet person.


----------



## vilk

CrushingAnvil said:


> Told the girl I've had a major thing for since high school how I felt.



There's your mistake. Life isn't a movie--it's usually not a great idea to up and confess your secret love to someone. A love confession is like an ultimatum. Feelings aren't so black and white for everyone. Maybe you're white (you really like her) but she's grey, and she might like you or she might not, but either way when you're on the spot it's easier to go with the sure thing... which is "no".

If you had a time rewinder, I would say that you needed to go back and ease your way in instead of just kicking down the door. If it were me, I would at least have tried kissing her when we were drunk or something. Or tried flirting with her more obviously. More likely the former. In these situations you can at least gauge the reaction and then realize _oh, maybe I don't want to tell this girl my feelings... and maybe I should get new, different feelings..._.

But you don't have a time rewinder, probably. So... you done goofed. But, I will at least say that I've personally seen the scenario play out to where even though things are awkward for a while you eventually can still be friends. If that's even what you want. It helps the process along if she can see you trying to get with other girls and not acting like her friendzoned manbitch. Heck, it might even make her jealous and decide that she does like you after all!


..........................



In other news, I am such an ass. Or am I? Last night I finally get some time to myself and I go to the bar down the street, I get home, and call my girlfriend before I go to sleep. 

For those of you who remember, yes it's the same girl and we haven't broken up. We've talked about it a ton of times in the last year, usually end up fighting, crying, hugging, making up, and then continuing on with our lives without having made any actual resolution to the problem of me moving home this May. 

Anyways, it's like the only god damn thing we ever talk about. I'm so sick of it. We've been talking about it for a year, there's no clear solution, we're just going to have to break up and get on with our lives, but what's the point of doing it now instead of in 2 months when we are actually separated from each other? I think she thinks that if she keeps bringing it up that I'm going to give her some other answer, like "Ok let's get married so you can get a visa and come with me!", but it's not going to happen. So we can hardly end 2 nights a week without someone feeling upset about it. You know, I'm not thrilled either to leave a girl that I like this much, but I've made my decision and I'm sticking to it. I'm able to just live for the moment and enjoy what time we have left, but obviously she's not managing so well because all she ever does is bring it up. The way she speaks makes it seem like what happens to her is my responsibility, and sometimes I even find myself believing it until I realize--no, everyone is living his own life, and you're the one who chose to stay with me knowing full and well that I wont be here someday. I've been honest about the fact that I'm not sticking around since day 1. Do I really owe this girl something simply for being in a relationship with her? What? and how much? Is there actually anything I can do aside from staying in Japan or marrying her and bringing her to America? because honestly I don't want to do either of those! I wont! We both like spending time together and doing things together, and we've come this far... would there be any point in ending it approximately 60 days earlier than we need to? What's the meaning in 60 days?

Anyways, back to the point, I have this problem of being too... honest? when I've had a few. So I'm laying in my room in bed in the dark drunk and talking to my girlfriend when the same conversation we have every night pinky--try to take over the world! and though my memory if fuzzy I'm quite sure that I said something along the lines of "I don't see any possible way that you and I are going to be together in America". Which, of course, I've said many times before! However, she was responding with something... and then I wake up and it's the next day. I literally fell asleep while she was talking to me.

Hence, I am an ass. And she's not responding to me. I'd say it's for the best but I actually do feel really bad because even though I'm going to leave this girl, I would never intentionally do something so rude as to fall asleep on the phone with someone trying earnestly to talk to me about something serious. She knew I had been drinking...


----------



## Svava

CrushingAnvil said:


> "Well I think you're a nice guy and I like talking to you but that's as far as it goes.."



Didn't you tell her that you play guitar?


----------



## YolandaSargent

Hey everyone!
I think I'm still into my ex... I know it's an old story, but the point is he's a douche and there's nothing to love about him. Moreover, I wasn't that much into him when we were together and I haven't yet figured out how douchy he is. Maybe that's that "loss+jealousy" thing, I don't know...


----------



## CrushingAnvil

vilk said:


> There's your mistake. Life isn't a movie--it's usually not a great idea to up and confess your secret love to someone. A love confession is like an ultimatum. Feelings aren't so black and white for everyone. Maybe you're white (you really like her) but she's grey, and she might like you or she might not, but either way when you're on the spot it's easier to go with the sure thing... which is "no".
> 
> If you had a time rewinder, I would say that you needed to go back and ease your way in instead of just kicking down the door. If it were me, I would at least have tried kissing her when we were drunk or something. Or tried flirting with her more obviously. More likely the former. In these situations you can at least gauge the reaction and then realize _oh, maybe I don't want to tell this girl my feelings... and maybe I should get new, different feelings..._.
> 
> But you don't have a time rewinder, probably. So... you done goofed. But, I will at least say that I've personally seen the scenario play out to where even though things are awkward for a while you eventually can still be friends. If that's even what you want. It helps the process along if she can see you trying to get with other girls and not acting like her friendzoned manbitch. Heck, it might even make her jealous and decide that she does like you after all!
> 
> 
> ..........................
> 
> 
> 
> In other news, I am such an ass. Or am I? Last night I finally get some time to myself and I go to the bar down the street, I get home, and call my girlfriend before I go to sleep.
> 
> For those of you who remember, yes it's the same girl and we haven't broken up. We've talked about it a ton of times in the last year, usually end up fighting, crying, hugging, making up, and then continuing on with our lives without having made any actual resolution to the problem of me moving home this May.
> 
> Anyways, it's like the only god damn thing we ever talk about. I'm so sick of it. We've been talking about it for a year, there's no clear solution, we're just going to have to break up and get on with our lives, but what's the point of doing it now instead of in 2 months when we are actually separated from each other? I think she thinks that if she keeps bringing it up that I'm going to give her some other answer, like "Ok let's get married so you can get a visa and come with me!", but it's not going to happen. So we can hardly end 2 nights a week without someone feeling upset about it. You know, I'm not thrilled either to leave a girl that I like this much, but I've made my decision and I'm sticking to it. I'm able to just live for the moment and enjoy what time we have left, but obviously she's not managing so well because all she ever does is bring it up. The way she speaks makes it seem like what happens to her is my responsibility, and sometimes I even find myself believing it until I realize--no, everyone is living his own life, and you're the one who chose to stay with me knowing full and well that I wont be here someday. I've been honest about the fact that I'm not sticking around since day 1. Do I really owe this girl something simply for being in a relationship with her? What? and how much? Is there actually anything I can do aside from staying in Japan or marrying her and bringing her to America? because honestly I don't want to do either of those! I wont! We both like spending time together and doing things together, and we've come this far... would there be any point in ending it approximately 60 days earlier than we need to? What's the meaning in 60 days?
> 
> Anyways, back to the point, I have this problem of being too... honest? when I've had a few. So I'm laying in my room in bed in the dark drunk and talking to my girlfriend when the same conversation we have every night pinky--try to take over the world! and though my memory if fuzzy I'm quite sure that I said something along the lines of "I don't see any possible way that you and I are going to be together in America". Which, of course, I've said many times before! However, she was responding with something... and then I wake up and it's the next day. I literally fell asleep while she was talking to me.
> 
> Hence, I am an ass. And she's not responding to me. I'd say it's for the best but I actually do feel really bad because even though I'm going to leave this girl, I would never intentionally do something so rude as to fall asleep on the phone with someone trying earnestly to talk to me about something serious. She knew I had been drinking...



I read the first paragraph and the first sentence of the second:

Yes you're completely right, but to be honest I did it because I knew she wouldn't be interested _anyway_. 

I met someone else anyway and she's incredibly so whatever


----------



## Santuzzo

YolandaSargent said:


> Hey everyone!
> I think I'm still into my ex... I know it's an old story, but the point is he's a douche and there's nothing to love about him. Moreover, I wasn't that much into him when we were together and I haven't yet figured out how douchy he is. Maybe that's that "loss+jealousy" thing, I don't know...



I think it's natural to be still 'into' an ex after a break-up. It will take some time until you can let go, but in most of the cases (at least IMO) moving on is the right thing to do. Better days ahead.


----------



## UnderTheSign

vilk said:


> Hence, I am an ass. And she's not responding to me. I'd say it's for the best but I actually do feel really bad because even though I'm going to leave this girl, I would never intentionally do something so rude as to fall asleep on the phone with someone trying earnestly to talk to me about something serious. She knew I had been drinking...


And here's your reason to break up now instead of in two months. Break up now, save yourself and her the pain the rest of the time. By knowing you'll be leaving anyway, you're pretty much just wasting eachothers time.


----------



## Church2224

So my ex-girlfriend officially has a new boyfriend three weeks after we broke up, and apparently it had been going on between the time we broke up and the time they were "Facebook Official" 

Why do I have a weird feeling this started before we broke up, especially since she kept accusing me of trying to find a new girlfriend while I was with her?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Got one... She stayed over all weekend. 

So far so good.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Church2224 said:


> So my ex-girlfriend officially has a new boyfriend three weeks after we broke up, and apparently it had been going on between the time we broke up and the time they were "Facebook Official"
> 
> Why do I have a weird feeling this started before we broke up, especially since she kept accusing me of trying to find a new girlfriend while I was with her?



You're 100% correct. I experienced this exact same thing wy last "serious" gf.


----------



## CrushingAnvil

Church2224 said:


> So my ex-girlfriend officially has a new boyfriend three weeks after we broke up, and apparently it had been going on between the time we broke up and the time they were "Facebook Official"
> 
> Why do I have a weird feeling this started before we broke up, especially since she kept accusing me of trying to find a new girlfriend while I was with her?



The girl who I mentioned who cheated on me, she 'accidentally' called me. I messaged her like "...did you just call me?"

She spins some shit about how her "boyfriend" was looking through her phone and accidentally called me.

.... off, you just wanted an excuse to mention the fact that you already have a new boyfriend, you collective pack of wankers.


----------



## Señor Voorhees

vilk said:


> There's your mistake. Life isn't a movie--it's usually not a great idea to up and confess your secret love to someone. A love confession is like an ultimatum. Feelings aren't so black and white for everyone. Maybe you're white (you really like her) but she's grey, and she might like you or she might not, but either way when you're on the spot it's easier to go with the sure thing... which is "no".
> 
> If you had a time rewinder, I would say that you needed to go back and ease your way in instead of just kicking down the door. If it were me, I would at least have tried kissing her when we were drunk or something. Or tried flirting with her more obviously. More likely the former. In these situations you can at least gauge the reaction and then realize _oh, maybe I don't want to tell this girl my feelings... and maybe I should get new, different feelings..._.
> 
> But you don't have a time rewinder, probably. So... you done goofed. But, I will at least say that I've personally seen the scenario play out to where even though things are awkward for a while you eventually can still be friends. If that's even what you want. It helps the process along if she can see you trying to get with other girls and not acting like her friendzoned manbitch. Heck, it might even make her jealous and decide that she does like you after all!
> 
> 
> ..........................
> 
> 
> 
> In other news, I am such an ass. Or am I? Last night I finally get some time to myself and I go to the bar down the street, I get home, and call my girlfriend before I go to sleep.
> 
> For those of you who remember, yes it's the same girl and we haven't broken up. We've talked about it a ton of times in the last year, usually end up fighting, crying, hugging, making up, and then continuing on with our lives without having made any actual resolution to the problem of me moving home this May.
> 
> Anyways, it's like the only god damn thing we ever talk about. I'm so sick of it. We've been talking about it for a year, there's no clear solution, we're just going to have to break up and get on with our lives, but what's the point of doing it now instead of in 2 months when we are actually separated from each other? I think she thinks that if she keeps bringing it up that I'm going to give her some other answer, like "Ok let's get married so you can get a visa and come with me!", but it's not going to happen. So we can hardly end 2 nights a week without someone feeling upset about it. You know, I'm not thrilled either to leave a girl that I like this much, but I've made my decision and I'm sticking to it. I'm able to just live for the moment and enjoy what time we have left, but obviously she's not managing so well because all she ever does is bring it up. The way she speaks makes it seem like what happens to her is my responsibility, and sometimes I even find myself believing it until I realize--no, everyone is living his own life, and you're the one who chose to stay with me knowing full and well that I wont be here someday. I've been honest about the fact that I'm not sticking around since day 1. Do I really owe this girl something simply for being in a relationship with her? What? and how much? Is there actually anything I can do aside from staying in Japan or marrying her and bringing her to America? because honestly I don't want to do either of those! I wont! We both like spending time together and doing things together, and we've come this far... would there be any point in ending it approximately 60 days earlier than we need to? What's the meaning in 60 days?
> 
> Anyways, back to the point, I have this problem of being too... honest? when I've had a few. So I'm laying in my room in bed in the dark drunk and talking to my girlfriend when the same conversation we have every night pinky--try to take over the world! and though my memory if fuzzy I'm quite sure that I said something along the lines of "I don't see any possible way that you and I are going to be together in America". Which, of course, I've said many times before! However, she was responding with something... and then I wake up and it's the next day. I literally fell asleep while she was talking to me.
> 
> Hence, I am an ass. And she's not responding to me. I'd say it's for the best but I actually do feel really bad because even though I'm going to leave this girl, I would never intentionally do something so rude as to fall asleep on the phone with someone trying earnestly to talk to me about something serious. She knew I had been drinking...




To be fair, and I sincerely doubt it's intentional, it's obvious she wants more of the relationship, and you want next to nothing to do with it? When you realized she wanted more than you want to give, why didn't you just end it? It is, to a degree, an asshole move to lead someone on like that. Perhaps you did tell her that once you leave, it's done, but the fact is is that you appear to be in an exclusive relationship with her. That sends one hell of a mixed message, like some weird "other level" of "friend zoning."

I think it's unfair to her to keep her around for your convenience. You're wasting a lot of her time by (unintentionally) giving her the impression that you want to be with her. All this time she's spending with you is time she could be spending looking for someone who feels the same way about her. Cut her loose sooner rather than later, for her own good.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Truth... A lot of dudes in this very thread are mad about that same thing.


----------



## MFB

Oh man, Jeph posted this on Twitter and it's just ...ugh

Alpha Moves For Married Dudes » The Worst Things For Sale

Nothing says, "I should write a book about marriage" like owning a fedora and calling yourself an alpha


----------



## UnderTheSign

That reminds me of some 'alpha male' blog/site where the writer claimed that _all_ girls love to be dominated sexually, every one of them loves being choked and every girl secretly loves getting a facial.

The Amazon reviews on the book are amazing though. "_Before I bought this book, I was worried that I wasn't being enough of a douchebag to my wife. Now I treat her like s***all the time, and I feel great! She's divorcing me though, so if that's not your goal, this might not work well for you_"


----------



## asher

UnderTheSign said:


> That reminds me of some 'alpha male' blog/site where the writer claimed that _all_ girls love to be dominated sexually, every one of them loves being choked and every girl secretly loves getting a facial.
> 
> The Amazon reviews on the book are amazing though. "_Before I bought this book, I was worried that I wasn't being enough of a douchebag to my wife. Now I treat her like s***all the time, and I feel great! She's divorcing me though, so if that's not your goal, this might not work well for you_"



Ohhh Amazon reviews, coming to save the day


----------



## Konfyouzd

The term "alpha" seems to suggest you're more in touch with your primal self than your intelligence--or whatever it is these "alphas" have. Seems there should be more of a balance.

That said I pull off a fedora like nobody's business.


----------



## Church2224

UnderTheSign said:


> That reminds me of some 'alpha male' blog/site where the writer claimed that _all_ girls love to be dominated sexually, every one of them loves being choked and every girl secretly loves getting a facial.
> 
> The Amazon reviews on the book are amazing though. "_Before I bought this book, I was worried that I wasn't being enough of a douchebag to my wife. Now I treat her like s***all the time, and I feel great! She's divorcing me though, so if that's not your goal, this might not work well for you_"



The problem with those sites is they deal with absolutes and think that all of their techniques will work 100% of the time. 

So why was it when I did everything they did to the letter I caught the girl with my douche bag buddy? 

They also lay the blame on a guy that if he did not get the girl, it is all his fault. In reality all these sites do is give guys with low self esteem lower self esteem. Honestly, the guys who run them are assholes. There is some truth to it all but in reality a lot of it is toxic for the mind.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Church2224 said:


> The problem with those sites is they deal with absolutes and think that all of their techniques will work 100% of the time.
> 
> So why was it when I did everything they did to the letter I caught the girl with my douche bag buddy?
> 
> They also lay the blame on a guy that if he did not get the girl, it is all his fault. In reality all these sites do is give guys with low self esteem lower self esteem. Honestly, the guys who run them are assholes. There is some truth to it all but in reality a lot of it is toxic for the mind.


My guess is the writers are usually either (too) full of themselves or deal with low self esteem issues and cover it up in 'alpha talk'. "A real man...." bla, bla, bla. A real man doesn't constantly have to verify his masculinity


----------



## Church2224

UnderTheSign said:


> My guess is the writers are usually either (too) full of themselves or deal with low self esteem issues and cover it up in 'alpha talk'. "A real man...." bla, bla, bla. A real man doesn't constantly have to verify his masculinity



The only things my dad taught me a "Real Man" has is honor, respect, work ethic and treating people well. He has been married 25 years to my mom, so I guess maybe that's something a real man is. 

Just do what works for you, that is what I always say.


----------



## Cabinet

I, personally, have never met a woman who did not like to be dominated sexually.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I have... Well...

Hmmm...



Well rather I"ve met a lot of women that like to dominate as much as they like to be dominated... Facesitting and what not... 

I also rather dig a woman that's not afraid to tell you what she wants. Yes you can infer what she likes based on how she reacts to certain things but some women fake a lot of stuff although I'm convinced certain things just can't be faked... I'm very much okay with a woman being sexually demanding... It's when you just woke up and she's bitching at you to do something mundane that the bossiness starts to chip away at my nerves...


----------



## UnderTheSign

Konfyouzd said:


> I have... Well...
> 
> Hmmm...
> 
> 
> 
> Well rather I"ve met a lot of women that like to dominate as much as they like to be dominated... Facesitting and what not...
> 
> I also rather dig a woman that's not afraid to tell you what she wants. Yes you can infer what she likes based on how she reacts to certain things but some women fake a lot of stuff although I'm convinced certain things just can't be faked... I'm very much okay with a woman being sexually demanding... It's when you just woke up and she's bitching at you to do something mundane that the bossiness starts to chip away at my nerves...


I've met all sorts of women, dominant, balanced, submissive... A buddy is in a relationship right now and _he_ is the one getting blindfolded and cuffed.

The morning ritual is the other way around with my gf, I wake up all fine and chatty and she prefers to say nothing and drink her coffee


----------



## Skyblue

Cute new girl at the base, asked her out, she politely refused. Ah well. 

She might already have a boyfriend or something, so I'm not really bothered by it, but she seemed really awesome so I thought 'Hell, better get a "No" than miss out'.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Ladies and gentlemen, death by snoo snoo is a very real and very serious danger. Stay hydrated.


----------



## MFB

Konfyouzd said:


> Ladies and gentlemen, death by snoo snoo is a very real and very serious danger. Stay hydrated.



!!!


----------



## will_shred

Well, boys. 

After talking with some of my closest friends, and strangers on the internet, and hours of deliberation. I've decided it's time to end it with my girlfriend.

she's such a sweetheart, but I just do not want to be in a relationship. I'm not in a place to make one work. I have no idea how i'm gonna do it and it's going to suck shit, but I think it's what really needs to be done. 

My buddy said he'd hook me up with a fat blunt and a case of beer after the deed is done. I have good friends. 

Any tips?


----------



## Eladamri

Tell her the truth. Don't pull any punches and don't leave anything out. I don't mean be nasty but if you leave things hanging or add in platitudes to spare her feelings there's every chance she'll struggle to get over it and it'll be worse for you both.

Good luck, it's never easy.


----------



## will_shred

Eladamri said:


> Tell her the truth. Don't pull any punches and don't leave anything out. I don't mean be nasty but if you leave things hanging or add in platitudes to spare her feelings there's every chance she'll struggle to get over it and it'll be worse for you both.
> 
> Good luck, it's never easy.



Yeah, I hear you. I'll do my best to make sure she gets total closure right than and there.


----------



## flint757

Bring a condom for the break up sex.


----------



## RevelGTR

Those Alpha Male "How to get ANY woman to want you" books are hilarious. People need to realize that if there were a 100% effective way to bang any chick you wanted, then it would be common knowledge! hahaha


----------



## asher

My tips are that this is the time where you just need to be 100% straight up honest and then just roll with it.


----------



## Church2224

So I saw this hot girl I went to high school with the other day on my college campus. Back then we were friends and rode the bus together. I know it was her because she does go to college here and no one can forget an ass like hers. 

I did not talk to her, but does anyone think it would be creepy to message her and say "Hey I saw you the other day on Campus, want to do something" kind of thing? The only issue is I have no seen her in 4 years so idk what to think.


----------



## asher

Church2224 said:


> So I saw this hot girl I went to high school with the other day on my college campus. Back then we were friends and rode the bus together. I know it was her because she does go to college here and no one can forget an ass like hers.
> 
> I did not talk to her, but does anyone think it would be creepy to message her and say "Hey I saw you the other day on Campus, want to do something" kind of thing? The only issue is I have no seen her in 4 years so idk what to think.



"Hey! I saw you the other day and I didn't realize you were here! Would you be interested in grabbing coffee and catching up some time?" I think would be perfectly applicable, phrasing to taste of course. If you guys were friends I don't know why she'd say no, at least once!


----------



## icos211

So I signed up for my university's big volunteer-day today. I had been on the fence about it until I heard that a certain red-head was going to be doing it. So I sign up thinking that it could give me a chance to talk to her and such. Nope. I was assigned to a different group and ended up spending my day dragging discarded water-heaters, mattresses, and tires out of the river. So all I got to do today was make my community a better place to live. Damn it.





(let those of you who cannot decipher internet sarcasm note that I am actually pretty pumped about the positivity of the day's activities, if disappointed that my original goal was not fulfilled)


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

Church2224 said:


> So my ex-girlfriend officially has a new boyfriend three weeks after we broke up, and apparently it had been going on between the time we broke up and the time they were "Facebook Official"
> 
> Why do I have a weird feeling this started before we broke up, especially since she kept accusing me of trying to find a new girlfriend while I was with her?



Been there homie. Last real serious (year plus) relationship ended that way, and the guy she's dating is a friend I had a falling out with some time ago. She tries to come back every now and again but I'm having none of it. 

A related story: My cousin has been married for about a year now, and one of his friends his age is getting divorced, so he's crashing at my cousins for a bit. The story went that the guys wife "met someone" at work. My cousin looked at his wife and said "Yeah, you go ahead and meet you a pretty little doctor at the hospital (where she works). If you do, take a good look, because when I'm through with him, he'll never be that pretty again."

I have related said story to my ex, and haven't heard anything from the guy she's dating since.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Violence would only make the situation worse, I'd just leave that drama alone and put it all behind me.


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

Oh I'm not out looking for a fight. I told her that and ended it with "so keep him away from me." I haven't spoken to either one in months and I've moved on since. That story just brought me back, sorry if it seemed overly aggressive.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

SoItGoesRVA said:


> Oh I'm not out looking for a fight. I told her that and ended it with "so keep him away from me." I haven't spoken to either one in months and I've moved on since. That story just brought me back, sorry if it seemed overly aggressive.


Ah, I got ya.


----------



## TylerEstes

>Last night
>be me
>goes on a date with a really tall tattoo artist who is really hot
>feelsgoodman
>pick her up from work
>sit in my car and talk about stuff
>Partake in an illegal activity 
>I stutter a lot and provide many awkward silences 
>it's now 6 am, still talking in my car
>I take her home
>she wants a hug
>awkward me+awkward her+her being tall=awkward hug
>have thoughts that think "that's a failed date if I've ever seen one"
>next day
>she's my first girlfriend in like 2 years
>#swag


----------



## kamello

lost it at #swag  

congrats dude


----------



## Obsidian Soul

TylerEstes said:


> >Last night
> >be me
> >goes on a date with a really tall tattoo artist who is really hot
> >feelsgoodman
> >pick her up from work
> >sit in my car and talk about stuff
> >Partake in an illegal activity
> >I stutter a lot and provide many awkward silences
> >it's now 6 am, still talking in my car
> >I take her home
> >she wants a hug
> >awkward me+awkward her+her being tall=awkward hug
> >have thoughts that think "that's a failed date if I've ever seen one"
> >next day
> >she's my first girlfriend in like 2 years
> >#swag


The difference between me and you is that it wouldn't have worked or I would have done something to screw it up


----------



## TylerEstes

kamello said:


> lost it at #swag
> 
> congrats dude



I wasn't sure how to conclude it so hashtagyolo

And thanks mang. It's like I've met a female me. It's crazy.


----------



## Konfyouzd

...

I'm bored again. Dammit.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Konfyouzd said:


> ...
> 
> I'm bored again. Dammit.


Stop doing that.


----------



## Cabinet

What is up with girls and souls
Seriously, soul is my most detested word in the English language now
Girl I don't have time for your spiritual belief in magic


----------



## icos211

Cabinet said:


> What is up with girls and souls
> Seriously, soul is my most detested word in the English language now
> Girl I don't have time for your spiritual belief in magic



Your leads must suck then. They gotta be SOULOS!


----------



## AndruwX

That awkward feel when you are in the cinema and her ex & friends are by her side...


----------



## Cabinet

^


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Cabinet said:


> ^


----------



## TylerEstes

JoshuaVonFlash said:


>



^


----------



## DredFul

^


----------



## asher

DredFul said:


> ^



 ^


----------



## Konfyouzd

Can I bore you with my first world problems? 

Now I have the exact opposite problem...

I have three women... 

One... I met her on eHarmony... She's super cool. Easy as hell to talk to and just seems to be an all around down ass chick... I like it. The bad? I hate her laugh and she kinda bores me. Also, the physical attraction is only semi there... I know the last point is probably the least significant, but it bothers me nonetheless... I'm probably a shallow ass... Slowly I'm becoming more okay with that...

Two... I met one in CVS... Cute as hell... Plus sized chick but she like me is working on getting her "Hollywood body" (I'm actually about 15lbs away and bursting at the seams with excitement). However, I found out she's only 20 years old. Not only that, she leaves to transfer to some college in September. Long distance with a girl almost a decade younger than me just sounds like something I'd be dumb to take too seriously... That said... We've been humpin' like rabbits and that really seems to be all that goes on. Any time she calls me it's either to whine about how she's tired or doesn't feel well or to tell me she wants to ride my rod... That's cool and all, but it gets kinda old fast when you have no other connection with the person... It could be fun until September, though...

Three... A chick I used to kinda sorta talk to that blew me off or another dude recently hit me back up. In fact, she texted me the same night I was on a date with lady numero dos... This one... PHAT booty (this has somehow become very important to me ) and a super cool chick. Like... If it weren't for the next thing I'm about to say, I'd be all over it... Last time we were trying to date, the night after our first date, she told me she has genital herpes... 

Kinda wanna just keep banging the young chick til she leaves for school and gets bored with me... Part of me thinks that since this is the plan she's going to "fall in love". 

Chick number one has a kid and seems like she's very responsible about it. Not only that, but the father is also still in the picture making it easier to deal with... But there's something about the way she laughs and the fact that I'm only sort of physically attracted to her that bothers me... 

I kinda just wanna go off the grid and just stop talking to them all...


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Konfyouzd said:


> Can I bore you with my first world problems?
> 
> Now I have the exact opposite problem...
> 
> I have three women...
> 
> One... I met her on eHarmony... She's super cool. Easy as hell to talk to and just seems to be an all around down ass chick... I like it. The bad? I hate her laugh and she kinda bores me. Also, the physical attraction is only semi there... I know the last point is probably the least significant, but it bothers me nonetheless... I'm probably a shallow ass... Slowly I'm becoming more okay with that...
> 
> Two... I met one in CVS... Cute as hell... Plus sized chick but she like me is working on getting her "Hollywood body" (I'm actually about 15lbs away and bursting at the seams with excitement). However, I found out she's only 20 years old. Not only that, she leaves to transfer to some college in September. Long distance with a girl almost a decade younger than me just sounds like something I'd be dumb to take too seriously... That said... We've been humpin' like rabbits and that really seems to be all that goes on. Any time she calls me it's either to whine about how she's tired or doesn't feel well or to tell me she wants to ride my rod... That's cool and all, but it gets kinda old fast when you have no other connection with the person... It could be fun until September, though...
> 
> Three... A chick I used to kinda sorta talk to that blew me off or another dude recently hit me back up. In fact, she texted me the same night I was on a date with lady numero dos... This one... PHAT booty (this has somehow become very important to me ) and a super cool chick. Like... If it weren't for the next thing I'm about to say, I'd be all over it... Last time we were trying to date, the night after our first date, she told me she has genital herpes...
> 
> Kinda wanna just keep banging the young chick til she leaves for school and gets bored with me... Part of me thinks that since this is the plan she's going to "fall in love".
> 
> Chick number one has a kid and seems like she's very responsible about it. Not only that, but the father is also still in the picture making it easier to deal with... But there's something about the way she laughs and the fact that I'm only sort of physically attracted to her that bothers me...
> 
> I kinda just wanna go off the grid and just stop talking to them all...


This post was pretty much







Up until that last part...


----------



## Konfyouzd

I'm either having number one over to my house... Or I'll be going over to hers to watch Star Wars... (For the first time ever... Yea... I've never seen that shit...)

We'll see how things go... Maybe I'll slowly become okay with that laugh... 

You ever see the Michael Keaton Batman? How when the Joker laughs you hear that quick slightly whistle like rush of air before he fully begins to laugh? *shiver*

When a woman does that it just sounds so damn masculine to me... Makes my damn penis soft...


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Konfyouzd said:


> I'm either having number one over to my house... Or I'll be going over to hers to watch Star Wars... (For the first time ever... Yea... I've never seen that shit...)
> 
> We'll see how things go... Maybe I'll slowly become okay with that laugh...
> 
> You ever see the Michael Keaton Batman? How when the Joker laughs you hear that quick slightly whistle like rush of air before he fully begins to laugh? *shiver*
> 
> When a woman does that it just sounds so damn masculine to me... Makes my damn penis soft...


I swear there's a show that had someone doing a laugh exactly as you describe, I'm trying to remember where it's from but it escapes me right now.


----------



## flint757

I have like 10 different laughs. Seems relevant.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I guess to be fair my laugh sounds incredibly evil... 

And I'm usually laughing at something that ppl say... "You're going to hell for that..."

So I guess maybe I can cut her *some* slack...


----------



## BlackMastodon

Konfyouzd said:


> I'm either having number one over to my house... Or I'll be going over to hers *to watch Star Wars... (For the first time ever*... Yea... I've never seen that shit...)
> 
> We'll see how things go... Maybe I'll slowly become okay with that laugh...
> 
> You ever see the Michael Keaton Batman? How when the Joker laughs you hear that quick slightly whistle like rush of air before he fully begins to laugh? *shiver*
> 
> When a woman does that it just sounds so damn masculine to me... Makes my damn penis soft...


Woah woah woah. Forget the sex or anything. You sit on opposite couches, don't say a word, and you watch those damn movies. When you come back there will be a quiz.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I feel like that won't really be a problem with this one... She doesn't seem to be as sexually charged as the others. It's actually a bit refreshing. I'm sort of excited about seeing these...


----------



## Bekanor

Konfyouzd's posts make me feel like the squarest White Boy Roy on two legs. 


Also I realise just how square and white that above sentence is, these are the stakes people!


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## DredFul

asher said:


> ^



I was trying to say "damn that feel" or something 

Sorry for off-topic


----------



## asher

DredFul said:


> I was trying to say "damn that feel" or something
> 
> Sorry for off-topic



No worries I was just trying to keep the chain alive


----------



## BucketheadRules

Any of you folks ever been, for whatever reason, constantly thinking about a girl that you don't actually know very well? Anyone else find it weird? I've had that feeling for the last few days and I think I'm being strange.


----------



## icos211

BucketheadRules said:


> Any of you folks ever been, for whatever reason, constantly thinking about a girl that you don't actually know very well? Anyone else find it weird? I've had that feeling for the last few days and I think I'm being strange.



Happens all the time. But then again, I might just be creepy. And/or lonely.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

BucketheadRules said:


> Any of you folks ever been, for whatever reason, constantly thinking about a girl that you don't actually know very well? Anyone else find it weird? I've had that feeling for the last few days and I think I'm being strange.


I saw a girl I see sometimes,but she was on point today.Her skin looked so clear and soft,she smelled so good,she had on some type of spandex yoga pants hybrid that revealed her beautiful shape,and she was short(I don't mind tall girls either).Why would I not think about her?


----------



## BucketheadRules

Obsidian Soul said:


> I saw a girl I see sometimes,but she was on point today.Her skin looked so clear and soft,she smelled so good,she had on some type of spandex yoga pants hybrid that revealed her beautiful shape,and she was short(I don't mind tall girls either).Why would I not think about her?



I get what you're saying but that's not really what I mean... someone you know as an acquaintance but not well enough that you should really be thinking about them quite so much. And realising it might not be good to be thinking about them so much, but not particularly wanting to stop.

Hope that made sense, it probably didn't 

I dunno. I feel kind of like a creep, and I don't know if I'm right to or not really.

Upshot is this - there's a girl that I know (a bit), whom I find very, very attractive but I'm fully aware I don't know her well enough to make a move, and I don't have a clue how to change that - what the right things are to say, and so on. Come to think of it, I don't know how I would make said move if I ever got the chance to, because I've never done it before and I'd be nervous as fvck. So I think about her a lot, but it just feels fruitless and a bit weird when I do - hence my first question.

If it gives you an idea of how nervous all this stuff makes me, I find it difficult to bring myself even to post anything about it on here, where I feel comparatively anonymous and in good company. I don't know why this stuff makes me feel so embarrassed and jittery, but it does... presumably this is part of why I haven't had any luck so far


----------



## Konfyouzd

I think about chicks I don't really know that well all the time. I think it's supposed to be the drive that eventually pushes me to talk to them so that I do, in fact, know them...


----------



## asher

Dude, you got a crush.

It happens


----------



## Konfyouzd

^That... 

Enjoy it.


----------



## BucketheadRules

asher said:


> Dude, you got a crush.
> 
> It happens



Yeah I guess  Probably didn't need so many words, did I?


----------



## Obsidian Soul

BucketheadRules said:


> I get what you're saying but that's not really what I mean... someone you know as an acquaintance but not well enough that you should really be thinking about them quite so much. And realising it might not be good to be thinking about them so much, but not particularly wanting to stop.
> 
> Hope that made sense, it probably didn't
> 
> I dunno. I feel kind of like a creep, and I don't know if I'm right to or not really.
> 
> Upshot is this - there's a girl that I know (a bit), whom I find very, very attractive but I'm fully aware I don't know her well enough to make a move, and I don't have a clue how to change that - what the right things are to say, and so on. Come to think of it, I don't know how I would make said move if I ever got the chance to, because I've never done it before and I'd be nervous as fvck. So I think about her a lot, but it just feels fruitless and a bit weird when I do - hence my first question.
> 
> If it gives you an idea of how nervous all this stuff makes me, I find it difficult to bring myself even to post anything about it on here, where I feel comparatively anonymous and in good company. I don't know why this stuff makes me feel so embarrassed and jittery, but it does... presumably this is part of why I haven't had any luck so far


I described almost exactly what you said verbatim.Except,in my case,I can count on one hand how many times I've seen her,and I don't know her at all.

I was in your very exact situation last semester...


----------



## piggins411

I don't think you have to know her really well to make a move. In some ways it's better because if you get shot down it's not really a big deal, whereas if you knew her for three years it might make things complicated if the feelings aren't reciprocated. Not to say that's something that should never be done. In other words, there's not a lot of "rules" in this area of life, so just go for it.


EDIT: I hope that makes sense. Rereading it, it kind of looks like gibberish


----------



## asher

piggins411 said:


> I don't think you have to know her really well to make a move. In some ways it's better because if you get shot down it's not really a big deal, whereas if you knew her for three years it might make things complicated if the feelings aren't reciprocated. Not to say that's something that should never be done. In other words, there's not a lot of "rules" in this area of life, so just go for it.
> 
> 
> EDIT: I hope that makes sense. Rereading it, it kind of looks like gibberish



Nah, totally works. You don't have very much at stake so you might as well just go for it!


----------



## BucketheadRules

Thanks guys, I appreciate it.


----------



## Guthrielicious

My biggest "relationship-problem" right now is that I've been talking a bit to this girl from another class who is damn cute, but I'm not really sure whether to do something about it or not. 

I had this mindset that when I was going to finish school (a danish version of something between high-school and college) I would only have to focus on composing, practicing, teaching and similar stuff regarding music. This because I really want to. (Finishing in about two months )

Back to the point though. Last time I was in a relationship it lasted about two years and I didn't really manage to do shit in that time. I actually started talking a bit with the girl before, but the same reason got me to stop talking to her and doing the music thing instead. 

I just wanted to lay this thing out here so I could see for myself how dumb I look on text, and how I need to pull my shit together 

What do you think about this though? I've really had a dull time these last couple of years not having enough time to spend on music that I've wanted, but instead only practicing technique while studying other stuff. I've been working on an EP (and a lot else for that matter) for some time, but I've had troubles finishing it because of the constant thoughts of the studies banging to my head, which has lead me to be non-productive. Now I have the time in a few months, but I still think about that damn girl.. Im confused


----------



## Cabinet

You aren't going to be productive if you can't focus. Get the girl, make the music.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Man... You better go holler at that chick and quit being so serious...

I've found that I tried to rationalize being too scared to talk to a chick by telling myself leaving women out would afford me more time to develop certain skills/achieve certain goals/etc... To hell with that... 

You can do both...


----------



## Señor Voorhees

My fiance is my steady source of compliments that give me the illusion that I'm getting better/something accomplished. She's also a massive GAS enabler and is responsible for pretty much every purchase I made in the past year or two.

That's part of finding a significant other though. You don't stick with someone who treats your musical endeavors as something that's in the way, you find someone who is perfectly okay with time apart for you to work on things. Hell, if you're having a blast and enjoying life with the person, it doesn't matter if you spend less time on music. So long as life is enjoyable, what difference does it make?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Music TOTALLY matters man... Music over women all day. 

Kinda wanna break shit off w the young one. She's distracting me from the music. 

Being wanted is nice. Companionship is nice. Lethargy brought on by the aforementioned 2 is poison. I've found this chick likes to just sit/lay around and "cuddle" far more than I can handle and seems genuinely offended if I wanna actually do shit w my day...

Ain't nobody got time for that. It's been 2 damn weeks.


----------



## Guthrielicious

Konfyouzd said:


> Man... You better go holler at that chick and quit being so serious...
> 
> I've found that I tried to rationalize being too scared to talk to a chick by telling myself leaving women out would afford me more time to develop certain skills/achieve certain goals/etc... To hell with that...
> 
> You can do both...



Yeah, I definitely see where you are going with this as I haven't been in "the game" for a while now. I clearly needed a break though.

I just find it hard to believe that there are women out there who don't mind their other part working on music for 11+ hours a day. Additionally, I also workout 5 times a week, but maybe I should give it a try anyway. If it goes well then f**k yes, if not then I'll be at the DAW all day writing sad break-up songs instead.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Definitely give it a shot, and see if you can find a balance. I'm finding it a little difficult giving up what used to be 100% "my time" now. I go to the gym less... I play my instruments less... I record less. It bugs me.

I hear there's a trade off but most of the time when ppl talk about it they seem to be alluding to sex. If that turns out to be the only benefit I'm going to go back to not dating...


----------



## SeanSan

And I finally have something to post here!

So there was a girl who thanked me for existing, then told me she liked me, then had a day with just me and we had lots of hugs and kisses on that day. So obviously, my hopes were REALLY high that I finally have something working.

Yesterday, she dropped the "I need time to focus on school, friends and family." bomb and she (I hate to use this term) friend-zoned me. She also opened up to me with what's really going on and how stressed she is with other facets of life, so I can't find it in myself to get mad.

WELP. Back to square one. [email protected]$k  I'm in a state of laughing in self defeat because this kind of thing happened to me 6 or 7 times straight in the past. So I'm kinda used to getting my hopes up, then let down. (That sounds really sad ) 

ANYWAY. There's my story. I'm happy I have this site though. I need to be more active here...

What can you guys say about the situation? I'm sad, but not "THE WORLD SUCKS" kind of sad. I can still smile and be happy.


----------



## vilk

"I need time to focus on friends and school" isn't really a proper excuse for not dating someone. She is probably just afraid of making a commitment or something like that. Or she just doesn't like you... but you said you two were kissing so she must like you at least a bit. 

I think you could definitely turn the situation around if you wanted to, so long as you're ok with the idea of being in a relationship with a lot of space. So long as you're comfortable with it, explain to her that you're fine with the idea of not spending so much of your time together. Frankly I wish I could find a girl who was busy enough with her own life that we only see each other for dates a couple times a week. Maybe in her previous relationship her and her boyfriend were one of those couples who were attached at the hip, and she thinks that this is what a normal boyfriend girlfriend relationship is like, so if you told her that's not how it has to be maybe you could persuade her.

I can't understand why this would have happened to you so many times, but I can imagine that it might have to do with that you're not even putting up a fight when a girl expresses any amount of concern toward entering a relationship. Be more assertive. _If she actually likes you_ she should be able to manage a a few days a month to spend time with you. Obviously if she's willing to see you as a friend there's no reason why she shouldn't have the exact same amount of time to see you as a boyfriend... of course this is barring that she's just being disingenuous with her 'excuses' and really just doesn't want to date you because she's not attracted to you. And in which case she's not a very good 'friend' either because kissing you and leading you on ain't right.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

recently I was thinking about how I'm in the longest relationship I've ever been in. I've been dating the same girl for almost 7 months yet we've never said "I love you." is that odd?


----------



## Cabinet

Does it feel odd? No? Then it's not odd. Rushing things might become a problem!


----------



## BlackMastodon

^That. I never understood how people throw around the L-bomb all willy nilly and within days of dating each other.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

Hey guys! First post in the thread! Therapy time! Exclamation marks!

Never had a real relationship and need to think less about how I want someone to hug, cuddle with, love, care about, be really happy with etc.

I am fully aware of these dreams probably becoming reality sometime, but I can't relax and just wait for it. I can get really lonely really quick if I'm not hanging out with friends, although at rare occations I may enjoy some time alone.

I've had one experience of almost getting there, and although it didn't go all the way it certainly reminded me that someone actually can be interested in me. It never reached the point of hurting me, but hey, it sucks when she disappears from all ways of communication without a warning.

I'm generally a quiet guy, but in the right company I can get some words out, whitch was certainly the case of previously mentioned experience. To an extent I am somewhat happy with myself, although I can get jealous when I'm not in a very successful state of life.

How do I stop thinking about the absence of love? Advice?


----------



## vilk

BlackMastodon said:


> ^That. I never understood how people throw around the L-bomb all willy nilly and within days of dating each other.



I feel like people give the idea of 'love' more credit than it's worth. What's the difference between liking someone and loving someone? Would you believe that in some languages (i.e. Japanese) they don't even draw the line between them? How can that be? I would suggest it's because there's no practical difference.

If you are dating someone you obviously like/love them whether you say so or not. I think people are just hung up on silly romance movies that treat it like a big deal to say 'I love you'. C'mon, you can say "I love anchovy pizza" but you can't say "I love you"? That doesn't even make sense.

How much you like/love someone isn't accurately expressed by words because feelings aren't measurable. It's silly to refuse to tell someone 'I love you' just because you don't like the idea of it. Conversely, if you're comfortable enough with someone to be in an exclusive committed relationship with them then you should have been feeling/saying 'love' before you even started being boyfriend and girlfriend.


@Dan Vacant-- It's not going to hurt anything if you say it. It's not going to keep you together or break you apart. The future breakup won't be harder because you've said 'love' instead of 'like', and just because you tell someone 'I love you' doesn't mean you have to be together forever or live up to some higher standard than before you've said it. You should bust it out. It's a nice thing to say. I say it to lots of people.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

vilk said:


> Love stuff.


Examples of the two:

I like you=I enjoy your company, but i wouldn't be sad for too long if you decided to part ways with me

I love you=Now that I know the happiness you brought to my life, life wouldn't be the same or hardly livable without you, I no longer hold my well being first, but yours.

See the difference?


----------



## vilk

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> Examples of the two:
> 
> I like you=I enjoy your company, but i wouldn't be sad for too long if you decided to part ways with me
> 
> I love you=Now that I know the happiness you brought to my life, life wouldn't be the same or hardly livable without you, I no longer hold my well being first, but yours.
> 
> See the difference?


Well the bottom one there doesn't even seem healthy. See, that's what I said before with feelings not being measurable. My feelings of love are different from yours, and I'm sure plenty of people have even more differenter ones. What does that mean, that we shouldn't say it? 

And for that matter, how did you come to that definition of love? I'd bet that it was through totally arbitrary criteria... I'm sure you can and will at some point change it, and really what's stopping you?


----------



## flint757

vilk said:


> Well the bottom one there doesn't even seem healthy.




Completely agree with you on that. That's codependency and obsession, neither of which would be considered healthy behavior. 

Also, how much emotion you feel when someone leaves is really only dictated by the amount of time you spend with someone and/or their impact on your life. I could miss someone a lot if they left and still not 'love' them in the sense most people mean it.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

vilk said:


> Well the bottom one there doesn't even seem healthy. See, that's what I said before with feelings not being measurable. My feelings of love are different from yours, and I'm sure plenty of people have even more differenter ones. What does that mean, that we shouldn't say it?


Those where examples, as I indicated before I wrote them. But they still hold true and while the last one was a bit "unhealthy" to a less obsessive/dependent degree, that's love for many people especially when it comes to family, I'm sure people on here will tell you they feel the same way about their loved ones. When you really love someone or something you give it or them your all.



> And for that matter, how did you come to that definition of love? I'd bet that it was through totally arbitrary criteria... I'm sure you can and will at some point change it, and really what's stopping you?


And my definition of love won't ever change as it's a sort of sacred thing to me if you will. I came upon that definition from my experiences with those close to me, and what I'd do and how far I'd go to help them.


----------



## MFB

So it looks like Friday I'm meeting up with an old friend of mine who I rarely see now that we're at different colleges; and we have a slight history of me being taken then us sort f beating around the bush and then HER being taken, then we just kind of parted ways and stayed friends.

I doubt anything will happen but any things possible


----------



## vilk

I'm not trying to say that love doesn't exist. And I wouldn't disagree with anything you've just written there. I'm only trying to say that arbitrarily (as in, based on criteria as chosen consciously or otherwise by yourself or someone else) deciding what is and isn't love and then using this to make some ultimate decision on whether you can or cannot at a given point announce your "love" to someone you're already dating doesn't actually accomplish anything and there's no real reason not to do it.

Plausible responses:
-The reason I shouldn't say "I love you" is because I don't want to be disingenuous.

We've already established that there's no real definition for love. So what you think love is is different from your girlfriend's ideas. If you were to use the above excuse, you'd be breaking down language so far that basically anything you said to her could be misconstrued as disingenuous (you're idea of a spicy burrito doesn't meet hers). This way of thinking is counter intuitive in terms of communication. It's a given that some things will always be lost in translation.

-It's a special word to me and I can only use it when I mean it.

Then I find it kind of odd that you love that cool new finish on whatever NGD etc. you get the point. This above excuse is obviously not true for 99% of English speakers so quit lying to yourself that it's some super special word to you because you just used it to talk about a guitar riff.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

vilk said:


> I'm not trying to say that love doesn't exist. And I wouldn't disagree with anything you've just written there. I'm only trying to say that arbitrarily (as in, based on criteria as chosen consciously or otherwise by yourself or someone else) deciding what is and isn't love and then using this to make some ultimate decision on whether you can or cannot at a given point announce your "love" to someone you're already dating doesn't actually accomplish anything and there's no real reason not to do it.


My definition of love was all about actions and what you'd do for the people you love, not about just saying it. Saying you love someone and actually loving someone IMO are two totally different things. I do agree with that proclaiming your love to someone isn't necessarily needed at all, as again love is better shown through actions. But it does as the reason words were created get's the point across quicker and more reliably than actions sometimes, it also let's your GF/BF know your fully embracing them if you get what I mean by that.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> Examples of the two:
> 
> I like you=I enjoy your company, but i wouldn't be sad for too long if you decided to part ways with me
> 
> I love you=Now that I know the happiness you brought to my life, life wouldn't be the same or hardly livable without you, I no longer hold my well being first, but yours.
> 
> See the difference?



I usually think of love being a level above like, same with hate and dislike. I try not to say hate.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Dan_Vacant said:


> I usually think of love being a level above like, same with hate and dislike. I try not to say hate.


That's what I was trying to get across.


----------



## vilk

Dan_Vacant said:


> I usually think of love being a level above like, same with hate and dislike. I try not to say hate.



but what is a level?


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Like=dynamite 

Love=Nuke


----------



## Mischief

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> Examples of the two:
> 
> I like you=I enjoy your company, but i wouldn't be sad for too long if you decided to part ways with me
> 
> I love you=*Now that I know the happiness you brought to my life, life wouldn't be the same or hardly livable without you,*
> 
> See the difference?



Thank you. You just made me realize that my appreciation for pizza is more than just "liking" it, but genuine, unbreakable love.


----------



## swedishfish

Me and my girlfriend just broke up, I've been mostly only hanging out with her for so long that I don't even have any guy friends anymore. No idea what to do.


----------



## DredFul

swedishfish said:


> Me and my girlfriend just broke up, I've been mostly only hanging out with her for so long that I don't even have any guy friends anymore. No idea what to do.



Contact your old buds and get couple dudes to play video games with you. Easy way to heal an old friendship. I'm sure they've been missing you


----------



## swedishfish

DredFul said:


> Contact your old buds and get couple dudes to play video games with you. Easy way to heal an old friendship. I'm sure they've been missing you



The majority have went away to college and I stayed home. I guess I'll try to start a new band or something.


----------



## AndruwX

Orgasms are such beautiful things, aren't them?


----------



## MFB

Welp, plans are off 

Another beautiful part of our colored past is that we also have a history of having to call of plans for one reason or another. Can't fault her though, she's going through the same thing I went through with my finals so it'd be wrong to harass her about it. Plus, it gives me more time to look better before I see her since that's been my plan for pretty much everyone is that since I see them so rarely, I'd like to have big transformations between them.


----------



## DredFul

Sup dudes.

I thought this might be interesting to discuss about.

So the thing is that I have this really great female friend. We are really close and chat on facebook all the time about music and guitars and all sorts of things. We are not interested in each other in any other way. She has a boyfriend and I have my own stuff going on.
But the thing is that her boyfriend is jealous about me. He gets upset when she talks with me more than with him and they have had fights about this topic. Or so it seems to me atleast.
Of course I'm also quite upset about this situation. She is really important to me but I don't want her boyfriend to feel bad.
This has also happened before and back then I actually broke off our friendship. But she ended up contacting me couple months later which I'm really glad about.

I hope you got the idea.

So, do you think at this kind of situation I should be the one backing off because of their relationship? Or should the other guy just get used to me because "I was here first"?

Any opinions and thoughts are appreciated.


----------



## no_dice

DredFul said:


> Sup dudes.
> 
> I thought this might be interesting to discuss about.
> 
> So the thing is that I have this really great female friend. We are really close and chat on facebook all the time about music and guitars and all sorts of things. We are not interested in each other in any other way. She has a boyfriend and I have my own stuff going on.
> But the thing is that her boyfriend is jealous about me. He gets upset when she talks with me more than with him and they have had fights about this topic. Or so it seems to me atleast.
> Of course I'm also quite upset about this situation. She is really important to me but I don't want her boyfriend to feel bad.
> This has also happened before and back then I actually broke off our friendship. But she ended up contacting me couple months later which I'm really glad about.
> 
> I hope you got the idea.
> 
> So, do you think at this kind of situation I should be the one backing off because of their relationship? Or should the other guy just get used to me because "I was here first"?
> 
> Any opinions and thoughts are appreciated.



It might sound shitty of me to say, but that's not really your problem. Her boyfriend needs to be confident and trusting enough to let her have a male friend without being scared that you're getting the goods when he's not around. She's the one with the unfortunate task of trying to convince him not to be jealous and paranoid, but really, if you think your significant other has the capacity to betray you, why even be with them?

You're a good guy for considering the boyfriend's feelings, but really, that's between them. As long as you're not trying to mess around with her, you aren't doing anything wrong.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Okay... Done talking to those 3.

Star Wars was awesome. Star Wars chick is starting to make me hate her. Without going into too much detail, we have incompatible personalities.

The young one... Nothing really wrong per se but she's doing that thing where she acts like she's busy all the time. I know that move. Fair enough. Not calling anymore. 

Third... Meh... And that's about all I gotta say...



Back to guitars... 

Dating was so much more fun when I was 18...


----------



## icos211

DredFul said:


> Sup dudes.
> 
> I thought this might be interesting to discuss about.
> 
> So the thing is that I have this really great female friend. We are really close and chat on facebook all the time about music and guitars and all sorts of things. We are not interested in each other in any other way. She has a boyfriend and I have my own stuff going on.
> But the thing is that her boyfriend is jealous about me. He gets upset when she talks with me more than with him and they have had fights about this topic. Or so it seems to me atleast.
> Of course I'm also quite upset about this situation. She is really important to me but I don't want her boyfriend to feel bad.
> This has also happened before and back then I actually broke off our friendship. But she ended up contacting me couple months later which I'm really glad about.
> 
> I hope you got the idea.
> 
> So, do you think at this kind of situation I should be the one backing off because of their relationship? Or should the other guy just get used to me because "I was here first"?
> 
> Any opinions and thoughts are appreciated.



I hate guys who can't let their girlfriends have male friends. It's so stupidly shitty and distrusting, but it's almost every guy I know. My last girlfriend had almost exclusively male friends(which is how I met her). It was because she played sports and was into xbox, D&D, Vin Diesel movies, and listening to bands like Tool, Disturbed and Godsmack(I got her into Dimmu Borgir, Carach Angren and some classic Swedish Death Metal, too ), and could take the diggs and innocent shit slinging that guy friends do to each other. I was cool with it, but all of my male friends, and even my dad were trying to make me not cool with it, always asking why I was so comfortable with letting her go to the movies and go to lunch or dinner, or just generally hang out with all these different dudes when I wasn't there. It was because they were her god damn friends, and I trusted her to be faithful. Other than a little flirting with one guy(which I did put a stop to, on both ends. He is still my best friend, and actually the only one of our mutual friends who stayed on my side when she left me), nothing ever happened. Because they were her FRIENDS, and she was a good girl.

I just don't get guys who are so jealous just because of a woman's FRIENDS. In fact, me and my buddies just went fishing. There were a few girls there(none who I would consider desirable), and one had to stay out of all of the pictures, for fear that her boyfriend would get angry at her being out with guys, even though it was just a bunch of ugly ass country bros(and me) who had been standing in nasty ass lake water for 7 hours in the 90 degree heat. Just gotta  at the jealousy. What a sign of insecurity and toxicity in a relationship.

Edit: And to be relevant to the question actually asked, he shouldn't get used to you because you were "there first". It shouldn't be a "saw her first" issue. If you take no interest in romance with her, then he needs to get used to you because you're just her friend. Maybe try to get into contact with him, and do a little dudebro bonding so he can see why she is your friend, and acceptance may follow.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I usually have the opposite problem where I wish chicks would spend more time w their friends--penis or no penis. I need my elbow room!

I typically get accused of cheating bc when I'm working on shit i basically lock myself away and become completely unavailable. My male friends don't even talk to me if they see I'm "in the zone". I more than likely won't respond anyway. 

A woman having friends allows me the time I need to be an introverted weirdo and saves me the hassle of explaining myself to a woman whose feelings have just been hurt by something completely benign. Win-win.

Women w good male friends tend to be a bit less insecure about certain things too as they get the opportunity to get a man's perspective on things if she happens to be unsure of how to approach you about something.

Sure she should be able to talk to you about anything, but having a friend of the opposite sex can sometimes help you formulate your approach to make sure you're slinging honey rather than vinegar.

I think some of the jealousy stems from guilt. I know that I for one have fantasized about SO many of my female friends and I've actually slept w quite a few of them in the past as well.

Sometimes ppl project their inner desires on others.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Konfyouzd said:


> I usually have the opposite problem where I wish chicks would spend more time w their friends--penis or no penis. I need my elbow room!
> 
> I typically get accused of cheating bc when I'm working on shit i basically lock myself away and become completely unavailable. My male friends don't even talk to me if they see I'm "in the zone". I more than likely won't respond anyway.
> 
> A woman having friends allows me the time I need to be an introverted weirdo and saves me the hassle of explaining myself to a woman whose feelings have just been hurt by something completely benign. Win-win.
> 
> Women w good male friends tend to be a bit less insecure about certain things too as they get the opportunity to get a man's perspective on things if she happens to be unsure of how to approach you about something.
> 
> Sure she should be able to talk to you about anything, but having a friend of the opposite sex can sometimes help you formulate your approach to make sure you're slinging honey rather than vinegar.
> 
> I think some of the jealousy stems from guilt. I know that I for one have fantasized about SO many of my female friends and I've actually slept w quite a few of them in the past as well.
> 
> Sometimes ppl project their inner desires on others.


Being friends make things much more easier.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I have a new story to share guys.

I have my eyes set on this one girl out of initially three.Honestly,I feel overwhelmingly intimidated.She smells so good,and she's a fashion eccentric(she dresses well and now she has blue hair).Oddly,what really turns me on is when she wears her septum ring.She's quiet,which is a plus,but that also means that it is difficult to determine whether she is acting coldly or in shyness.

I'm a shy person,and I'm one of those people that doesn't like other people meddling in my affairs.Unfortunately,there's no possible way to get in contact with her without arousing suspicion in others unless I catch her after class.I guess the main reason why I feel intimidated is because I'm still a senior in high school taking college classes while she is "officially" in college.

BTW She is African-American,which is why the characteristics seem peculiar.I remember seeing a Hodgetwin episode about whether a black girl with blue hair would be considered ratchet,and I think a lot of people wouldn't agree with the way described her.I dig her style though.However,I am angry I failed at getting her name today.


----------



## Cabinet

She's probably just shy. You won't know if she's acting cold unless you go talk to her. If you dress well, that's already a plus. You know how many men in the United States know how to dress? Not many.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Obsidian Soul said:


> I have a new story to share guys.
> 
> I have my eyes set on this one girl out of initially three.Honestly,I feel overwhelmingly intimidated.She smells so good,and she's a fashion eccentric(she dresses well and now she has blue hair).Oddly,what really turns me on is when she wears her septum ring.She's quiet,which is a plus,but that also means that it is difficult to determine whether she is acting coldly or in shyness.
> 
> I'm a shy person,and I'm one of those people that doesn't like other people meddling in my affairs.Unfortunately,there's no possible way to get in contact with her without arousing suspicion in others unless I catch her after class.I guess the main reason why I feel intimidated is because I'm still a senior in high school taking college classes while she is "officially" in college.
> 
> BTW She is African-American,which is why the characteristics seem peculiar.I remember seeing a Hodgetwin episode about whether a black girl with blue hair would be considered ratchet,and I think a lot of people wouldn't agree with the way described her.I dig her style though.However,I am angry I failed at getting her name today.



Go talk to her now. I've avoided talking to that redhead om my bus so long out of fear that now she just gives me this look like I'm a ....ing weirdo. Maybe I stare and don't notice. 

It doesn't stop her from picking the spot either right in front of or next to me almost every time she gets on the bus. Maybe the look just means, "Seriously? You're still too scared to talk to me?!"

But I digress...

DO IT


----------



## flint757

^^^

I find that this is the woman version of flirting. They give the guy the opportunity to flirt with them, but still do nothing. Mind games.


----------



## DredFul

By the way guys, thank you for your replies on my problem. I'll try to get to know the guy better so hopefully he will accept me as part of the pack


----------



## icos211

DredFul said:


> By the way guys, thank you for your replies on my problem. I'll try to get to know the guy better so hopefully he will accept me as part of the pack











Anyway, in me news, while I'm still feeling pretty lonely, I'm having even less motivation to go out and try to get anything started now that the end of the school year is approaching. I mean, if I met someone right now, we could date for a month, and then it would most likely be off to different corners of Texas for the both of us. Basically if the chick lived anywhere other than the North Dallas area, it would be straight into a long distance thing if we even did keep in touch. It just sucks, because I'm not looking for any kind of fling or casual thing that could reasonably run its course in a month. And all of this comes at a point where I've finally got up the confidence to go at least have some interaction with this ultra-hot redhead that I've sort of known for a while, though, on a side note, she seems to be really kind of quiet, so what conversations we have engaged in haven't been all too in depth.

I think maybe I might just take this rest of the time and this summer off from pursuing dating(haha, I make it sound like I have a choice) and just focus on working, learning to build guitars, learning how to play guitar, and getting big, and come back to school with money, muscles, and musical prowess. Perhaps the new supply of freshmen will offer some desirables.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

icos211 said:


> Anyway, in me news, while I'm still feeling pretty lonely, I'm having even less motivation to go out and try to get anything started now that the end of the school year is approaching. I mean, if I met someone right now, we could date for a month, and then it would most likely be off to different corners of Texas for the both of us. Basically if the chick lived anywhere other than the North Dallas area, it would be straight into a long distance thing if we even did keep in touch. It just sucks, because I'm not looking for any kind of fling or casual thing that could reasonably run its course in a month. And all of this comes at a point where I've finally got up the confidence to go at least have some interaction with this ultra-hot redhead that I've sort of known for a while, though, on a side note, she seems to be really kind of quiet, so what conversations we have engaged in haven't been all too in depth.
> 
> I think maybe I might just take this rest of the time and this summer off from pursuing dating(haha, I make it sound like I have a choice) and just focus on working, learning to build guitars, learning how to play guitar, and getting big, and come back to school with money, muscles, and musical prowess. Perhaps the new supply of freshmen will offer some desirables.


I would have thought it would be better during the summer since you'll have more time and better weather.I thought it would be awesome to get lucky during a summer,but this is my final year of high school.Maybe college will be better for me?


----------



## icos211

Obsidian Soul said:


> I would have thought it would be better during the summer since you'll have more time and better weather.I thought it would be awesome to get lucky during a summer,but this is my final year of high school.Maybe college will be better for me?



No, I won't have shit for time, I'll be working so much, on top of working out and playing guitar. Plus I hate absolutely everyone in my home town except for maybe 2 people and my old TKD masters. Even if there were people my age who lived there that weren't just the WORST kind of stereotypically entitled, drug and semen slurping, never popped upside their heads one damn time when they were young, too old to be living on their parents' dime but still going to whine like 6 year olds when their parents decide the family is going to go to Tahiti for the summer instead of Italy, little Kim Kardashian idolizers, I wouldn't have any way to go out and meet them. Considering that I'm not in high school anymore, there really is no public place for me to meet new people that I can think of anyway, and I've really sort of lost any opportunities to go out into public with anyone but my dad. Plus, most people move away as soon as they are done with high-school. I'm only still going back because I have a guaranteed job in a position that is extremely hard to find.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^^^ I'm in the exact same situation.


----------



## Eliguy666

I know that I'm in high school, so this is pretty much to be expected, but I'm kind of a wreck with my romantic life.

I go to a magnet school based off of travel (which is really f*cking cool, but also off topic), and there are amazing people there. I have some good friends, I'm doing well in all my classes, and am on good terms with pretty much everybody. Nobody dislikes me, at least not openly.

But I'm still incredibly anxious around people. Sometimes people compliment my looks, sometimes people flirt or call me smart and are just generally really welcoming, but I always feel distant. I always feel unattractive and undesirable and alone. I know that it probably isn't, but I feel like my depression/anxiety (it's a thick, blurred, jagged line) is open on my face, and sometimes I feel like people know that something's wrong with me that even I don't, and are just trying to treat me like I'm normal to be nice.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

Eliguy666 said:


> I know that I'm in high school, so this is pretty much to be expected, but I'm kind of a wreck with my romantic life.
> 
> I go to a magnet school based off of travel (which is really f*cking cool, but also off topic), and there are amazing people there. I have some good friends, I'm doing well in all my classes, and am on good terms with pretty much everybody. Nobody dislikes me, at least not openly.
> 
> But I'm still incredibly anxious around people. Sometimes people compliment my looks, sometimes people flirt or call me smart and are just generally really welcoming, but I always feel distant. I always feel unattractive and undesirable and alone. I know that it probably isn't, but I feel like my depression/anxiety (it's a thick, blurred, jagged line) is open on my face, and sometimes I feel like people know that something's wrong with me that even I don't, and are just trying to treat me like I'm normal to be nice.



I suspect that we are the same person.


----------



## DredFul

@eliguy666

This is going to sound super derpy.

I bet you have some guy that you play video games with. Also remember that guy you hang out with during recess and lunch break? It sometimes is hard to notice all the great dudes in your life but when you think about you suddenly realize that you have many great friends who do things some random people wouldn't. Try to trust people and let them in more.

I hope you got something out of that. Sorry for bad english


----------



## Eliguy666

DredFul said:


> @eliguy666
> 
> This is going to sound super derpy.
> 
> I bet you have some guy that you play video games with. Also remember that guy you hang out with during recess and lunch break? It sometimes is hard to notice all the great dudes in your life but when you think about you suddenly realize that you have many great friends who do things some random people wouldn't. Try to trust people and let them in more.
> 
> I hope you got something out of that. Sorry for bad english



I get that you're right, and I know that I should probably feel better, but that's not how I think when I'm alone. Thanks for the support, though, and your English is very good, much better than my French or Spanish.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

I see how you think. When I'm with friends and having fun, everything is all right. But sometimes when I'm alone, these gnarly thoughts can get me down. Hopefully the weather here will get warmer soon so I can start riding my bike. It is a good way of keeping the mood up.


----------



## flint757

Eliguy666 said:


> I know that I'm in high school, so this is pretty much to be expected, but I'm kind of a wreck with my romantic life.
> 
> I go to a magnet school based off of travel (which is really f*cking cool, but also off topic), and there are amazing people there. I have some good friends, I'm doing well in all my classes, and am on good terms with pretty much everybody. Nobody dislikes me, at least not openly.
> 
> But I'm still incredibly anxious around people. Sometimes people compliment my looks, sometimes people flirt or call me smart and are just generally really welcoming, but I always feel distant. I always feel unattractive and undesirable and alone. I know that it probably isn't, but I feel like my depression/anxiety (it's a thick, blurred, jagged line) is open on my face, and sometimes I feel like people know that something's wrong with me that even I don't, and are just trying to treat me like I'm normal to be nice.



Something I do when I get nervous or start negative inner dialogue is first recognize that it is happening and then replace that negative thought with something positive like 'you're awesome' or something cheesy like that. Corny as hell, but it has helped calm my nerves if I get stressed and usually ends the negative dialogue because I can't think in 2 voices simultaneously ((thank god ).

Awareness is the first step you have to take to get out of it and you've already done that. Next step is faking everything else and out of nowhere those feelings become much more genuine (seriously). You have to end the inner dialogue though. If you walk around thinking your worthless, alone, unattractive or whatever it directly affects how you feel and interact with others. Like I said, just replace those thoughts when they come with overkill positive messages. This will also make you much more approachable because you are more open to possibilities. Walk with your head held high too. People who look down all the time or walk around with headphones come off as unapproachable. In those situations it has nothing to do with you, but what signals you may be sending out to others, which is don't bother me. People aren't that clever though either. Most people can't read that your depressed just by looking at you, but they do notice the things I mentioned above. 

It's a process. Seriously consider seeing a psychologist. They have a wealth of information and are able to tailor solutions that work best for you (much like a personal trainer). I've seen one now for about a year and it has really helped for me.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

So many events have cultivated this day into crushed aspirations.My cousin has chosen to side with a guy who had helped some guys bully me in 7th grade.I looked forward to talking to that girl after the exam.I tried waiting to turn mine in when she did,but my impatience got the best of me.I decided to pretend I was idle on my phone outside of the class in a futile attempt to speak with her.When the time came,we gazed into each other's eyes,and I can't recall who looked away first.

Fear gripped me as though I had seen a tiger before me.Coldness chilled me from my waist up.My mouth moved open like an old door that hadn't been opened in such a long time.Nothing but dead air seeped out,and a wisp of my breath was taken with it.I have failed just like every time before,but this time it felt different.I had missed the bus just to take that moment,yet it was for nothing.I wished I got hit as I trudged across the city streets.Once more in vain,my mind was trying to scrape up the possibility of running across her again,but I didn't believe myself.

My older cousin,whom was the closest person to me,is going to Korea and has felt detached since I've been staying in another state.My family had to stumble upon when I was bullied in 7th grade.Then,my younger cousin called the guy that crossed me his best friend.The guy was friends with me and the bullies,but he didn't try to dissolve the matter.In fact,he told them everything I told them to instigate the matter.I told my cousin that,but he won't listen since it "happened in the past" and "people change."


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

Anyone noticed how when you start seeing a new girl, the ghost of ....ing past comes to visit? I ran into 4 exes in a span of about 2 hours today.


----------



## Eliguy666

SoItGoesRVA said:


> Anyone noticed how when you start seeing a new girl, the ghost of ....ing past comes to visit? I ran into 4 exes in a span of about 2 hours today.



Just be glad you're not taking French, I'm often visited by the ghost of future perfect predictive (what could, in the future, have happened).


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

Eliguy666 said:


> Just be glad you're not taking French, I'm often visited by the ghost of future perfect predictive (what could, in the future, have happened).



Had a French class today, no joke. Turns out I'm much better with Spanish.


----------



## Eliguy666

I do totally dig Spanish, but French just feels kind of right to me. Maybe it's because I'm in French 3 and Spanish 1 right now.

Anyways, avoiding exes is pretty much impossible in school, so I try to stay on good terms with classmates when possible.


----------



## Church2224

Yay I finally found out my issues with women! 

Most girls apparently think I am in my late 20s/ early 30s and apparently that is a turn off for a lot of young girls. 

Note I am really 22...


----------



## icos211

Church2224 said:


> Yay I finally found out my issues with women!
> 
> Most girls apparently think I am in my late 20s/ early 30s and apparently that is a turn off for a lot of young girls.
> 
> Note I am really 22...



Do you have a beard? With my beard I'm usually guessed around 26-29, and without it I'm usually guessed around 14-17. I'm 18, so both assumptions are saddening, but perhaps some feature like that is throwing people off?


----------



## Church2224

icos211 said:


> Do you have a beard? With my beard I'm usually guessed around 26-29, and without it I'm usually guessed around 14-17. I'm 18, so both assumptions are saddening, but perhaps some feature like that is throwing people off?



Depends, some months I have my longer hair and a beard, some months I have a crew cut and looking more like a Sergeant Church. 

People say it is how I present myself and the fact I have my life together


----------



## Ed_Ibanez_Shred

Church2224 said:


> Depends, some months I have my longer hair and a bear,



The bear probably scares women off


----------



## Konfyouzd

Hurt myself trying to snoo snoo w a pulled groin.


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> Hurt myself trying to snoo snoo w a pulled groin.



Womp womp.

Snoo-snoo free for like two months or something because ladyfriend is that busy and stressed (last semester of college) and shit keeps ....ing up the occasional free Friday/Saturday


----------



## Konfyouzd

Damn


----------



## AndruwX

Hey guys can you give me some random advice... for a friend?
You see, he's 21 yo, ripped (5 years at gym can do wonders) and I guess he's not... ugly? Whatever. He has never had a girlfriend or even kissed anybody, his major problem is that's he's not a interesting person, at least for girls (laughing at SpongeBob's jokes is pretty god damn fun if you ask me) also, he doesn't know how to talk to women properly.

Anything I can say to him? He's a great guy and after 21 years, hey, everybody can feel a little bit lonely.


----------



## no_dice

AndruwX said:


> Hey guys can you give me some random advice... for a friend?
> You see, he's 21 yo, ripped (5 years at gym can do wonders) and I guess he's not... ugly? Whatever. He has never had a girlfriend or even kissed anybody, his major problem is that's he's not a interesting person, at least for girls (laughing at SpongeBob's jokes is pretty god damn fun if you ask me) also, he doesn't know how to talk to women properly.
> 
> Anything I can say to him? He's a great guy and after 21 years, hey, everybody can feel a little bit lonely.



If all he wants is a kiss, maybe you can help a brother out and boost his self-esteem. 

Seriously, though, I have a friend just like that, but he's almost 30 now. He's just too weird/awkward, I think. The girls either think he's crazy (scary) or just silly (don't take him seriously).


----------



## Obsidian Soul

AndruwX said:


> Hey guys can you give me some random advice... for a friend?
> You see, he's 21 yo, ripped (5 years at gym can do wonders) and I guess he's not... ugly? Whatever. He has never had a girlfriend or even kissed anybody, his major problem is that's he's not a interesting person, at least for girls (laughing at SpongeBob's jokes is pretty god damn fun if you ask me) also, he doesn't know how to talk to women properly.
> 
> Anything I can say to him? He's a great guy and after 21 years, hey, everybody can feel a little bit lonely.





no_dice said:


> If all he wants is a kiss, maybe you can help a brother out and boost his self-esteem.
> 
> Seriously, though, I have a friend just like that, but he's almost 30 now. He's just too weird/awkward, I think. The girls either think he's crazy (scary) or just silly (don't take him seriously).


This gives me no hope...


----------



## XEN

AndruwX said:


> Hey guys can you give me some random advice... for a friend?
> You see, he's 21 yo, ripped (5 years at gym can do wonders) and I guess he's not... ugly? Whatever. He has never had a girlfriend or even kissed anybody, his major problem is that's he's not a interesting person, at least for girls (laughing at SpongeBob's jokes is pretty god damn fun if you ask me) also, he doesn't know how to talk to women properly.
> 
> Anything I can say to him? He's a great guy and after 21 years, hey, everybody can feel a little bit lonely.


It's easy to forget that many women don't know how to talk to guys!
Also, many, if not most, are waiting for the guy to make first contact.

He needs to speak up. If he's afraid of rejection it's normal, but if it does happen he should think of it as a blessing in disguise. Being rejected by someone with whom you're not compatible is a good thing.

The main thing to key in on is to approach with genuine interest in the things they like or in things they do. It's easier to do if the interests are shared.

I've recommended to a few of my coworkers that they get involved in social events surrounding their particular interests. One is an avid reader. You'd think it's not much of a social thing, but if you join a co-ed book club you get to learn a whole lot about someone by hearing how they interpret the same book you read. Just a thought.


----------



## no_dice

Obsidian Soul said:


> This gives me no hope...



Don't give up hope. If I can find an awesome girl to marry me, anybody can find someone.


----------



## Konfyouzd

If you're awkward you still gotta be yourself. Someone likes it.


----------



## Church2224

Advice of the day-

If you meet a girl and you know you are attracted to her, just go all in and ask her out. Today I met a girl, only knew her for maybe a couple of minutes, got her number now I have a date with her. For some reason it worked!


----------



## kchay

@Church2224, it's all about that confidence! 
Congrats though haha.


----------



## MFB

Church2224 said:


> Advice of the day-
> 
> If you meet a girl and you know you are attracted to her, just go all in and ask her out. Today I met a girl, only knew her for maybe a couple of minutes, got her number now I have a date with her. For some reason it worked!



That's how it happened with my last girlfriend. I was kind of staring in class, then we ended up going into the darkroom during a presentation (the entire class, not just the two of us) and she asked a question and I said something then we started talking. I have absolutely zero clue how my brain shut off for those few seconds, but it happened.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Church2224 said:


> Advice of the day-
> 
> If you meet a girl and you know you are attracted to her, just go all in and ask her out. Today I met a girl, only knew her for maybe a couple of minutes, got her number now I have a date with her. For some reason it worked!


Trust me;I would but I am socially anxious.It took me awhile to be able to eat in public and use public restrooms.Also,I have a college tour this weekend,and I might go on vacation next weekend.

I'm just going to put myself in her view and get to know her better.Last girl I tried doing that,and we had little to no common interests.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Hmm... Definitely did NOT stop talking to the 20 year old... And I haven't found a way to break it off with Star Wars girl that I can actually be pleased with myself about afterwards... I've mainly just been avoiding her... 

Anyway...

The young one has brought up the possibilit of a 3 way which sounds awesome... The problem is that now that she's brought it up, she seems to kinda get preemptively jealous when we talk about it. I feel like that's something I'm going to have to leave alone until she brings it up again...

But she did mention that she's been banging one of her chick friends fairly regularly for the past month... Said friend is kinda cute... And I heard patience pays... 

Aside from that, she still considers the two of us "single" so I'm actually still free to see other people guilt free. You know what they say about things that sound like they're too good to be true, though; they usually are. We'll see.

At the moment I'm really trying to figure out how I get rid of Star Wars girl. She has some "hygiene issues" that bug me and I'm not sure how exactly I should go about bringing them up and would honestly rather not...


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Konfyouzd said:


> At the moment I'm really trying to figure out how I get rid of Star Wars girl. She has some "hygiene issues" that bug me and I'm not sure how exactly I should go about bringing them up and would honestly rather not...


Go on......


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

So, its been a while since I've posted in this thread. I've now found myself living with my girlfriend. I technically have my own apartment, but we opt to just stay at hers all the time because she has a one bedroom and I have roommates. My roommates havent seen me in months haha. 

So yeah. I'm doing awesome. Hoorays for me!!


----------



## flint757

Maybe you should consider making it more permanent so you can both save the mulla. Wasted rent money if you're never home.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

We had a national test this Thursday, and I was somewhat distracted by an attractive female sitting right before my eyes. She didn't even dress very lightly, there was just something about her. And I think I have found her on Facebook. Creepy huh?


----------



## Necris

^ Creepy indeed.


----------



## Joose

My last 3 girlfriends cheated on me with their bosses. Last night, I was going to a Sevendust concert with a girl I've been seeing for a few weeks. She calls me a few hours before I was supposed to pick her up, says she got called into work and we'll just do something cool in the next couple days. Well... seeing as how Sevendust is one of my all-time favorite bands, I decided to go alone. I reprinted her ticket and gave it to a homeless guy wearing an olllllld ass Sevendust shirt who was just sitting close enough to hopefully hear the show. Door guy scans it, says it's been used already... I went in and boom, there she is, holding hands with.... yep, her boss. Went back out, told the door guy the situation, he let the homeless dude in and I went home. 

Wtf is it that I am attracted to that leads to girls who sleep with their bosses? If they cheated with just some other dude, I'd say I should probably figure out what I'm doing wrong. But it's just their bosses... is it money? Strong possibility, even though (other than my car) I don't flash what I make; and even then, I got my car for under $20k.

Just a rant.


----------



## flint757

Odd. She didn't think you'd be there? I mean if you went to use your ticket you'd either end up sitting next to her or find out your ticket had already been used. She's so caught she might as well just been honest about it in the first place. People do some crazy things sometimes.


----------



## Joose

Well, standing room only, as far as the seating part goes. Beyond that, I had tickets for both of us, but she was holding onto her's. Since she "couldn't go" I reprinted her's to scalp, but ended up giving it away. 

As far as not thinking I'd be there, yeah I don't know what made her think (if she even did?) that I wouldn't go alone. Then again, only know each other a few weeks, suppose she maybe didn't realize exactly HOW much I love that band. Though I'd think the very visible tattoo would give that away. 

Whatever, I just thought I'd share the story. Seeing as how it was only a few weeks, I can't care too much.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Joose said:


> Then again, only know each other a few weeks,


I wouldn't really call her a GF a that point then, that's still way within the dating phase IMO, I wouldn't really get hung up on it.


----------



## Joose

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> I wouldn't really call her a GF a that point then, that's still way within the dating phase IMO, I wouldn't really get hung up on it.



I didn't. I said I had been seeing her for a few weeks.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Joose said:


> I didn't. I said I had been seeing her for a few weeks.


My bad dude I saw "3 GF's" and counted this one as one of them.


----------



## Joose

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> My bad dude I saw "3 GF's" and counted this one as one of them.



I just came back here to say that she wasn't part of that 3 haha. It's all good, my friend. 3 six month+ relationships ended with them and their boss, then this 3 weeker. 

I should probably get some advice from my best friend, who is a female. We don't listen to each other when it comes to relationships; maybe we should.


----------



## piggins411

That is an oddly specific thing to have happen 4 times


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Konfyouzd said:


> Go talk to her now. I've avoided talking to that redhead om my bus so long out of fear that now she just gives me this look like I'm a ....ing weirdo. Maybe I stare and don't notice.
> 
> It doesn't stop her from picking the spot either right in front of or next to me almost every time she gets on the bus. Maybe the look just means, "Seriously? You're still too scared to talk to me?!"
> 
> But I digress...
> 
> DO IT


I have a date with her tomorrow...sort of...I asked her if I could draw her for a college I'm trying to get to,and she suggested Friday due to other obligations.I told her I would be going to the college on Friday,so she suggested Wednesday.

She didn't say no or give me a garbage excuse(the last chick I asked out) because she didn't want to say no and hurt my feelings.Then,she offered me an alternative time.To me,that means she wants to spend time with me by putting me on her agenda.

This will be my first date ever btw


----------



## UnderTheSign

Obsidian Soul said:


> I have a date with her tomorrow...sort of...I asked her if I could draw her for a college I'm trying to get to,and she suggested Friday due to other obligations.I told her I would be going to the college on Friday,so she suggested Wednesday.
> 
> She didn't say no or give me a garbage excuse(the last chick I asked out) because she didn't want to say no and hurt my feelings.Then,she offered me an alternative time.To me,that means she wants to spend time with me by putting me on her agenda.
> 
> This will be my first date ever btw


Not to rain on your parade but I wouldn't call this a date. You asked if you could draw her for a college thing, she agreed. That said, follow this up with an invitation for coffee and boom, you got yourself a proper date


----------



## leftyguitarjoe

flint757 said:


> Maybe you should consider making it more permanent so you can both save the mulla. Wasted rent money if you're never home.



We're sorting it out. She has a hell of a trust fund so money on her end isn't a huge issue.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

UnderTheSign said:


> Not to rain on your parade but I wouldn't call this a date. You asked if you could draw her for a college thing, she agreed. That said, follow this up with an invitation for coffee and boom, you got yourself a proper date


I did say "...sort of...."

Besides,define a "date."Everything is what we make of it.The only reason why I said sort of was because it's not one in the traditional sense.The whole point of drawing her is to get to know her better in a one-on-one scenario.The only thing is that this is probably not a date to her because a date may be defined as having the mutual objective of getting to know one another better to see if there's any compatibility.

Anyways,thank you for gold showering all other my brief and fragile bliss.I guess I was correct.There's no hope for me.Time to listen to some more My Dying Bride and Katatonia.


----------



## Eliguy666

Add Insomnium, Ne Obliviscaris, Opeth, Eluveitie (more folksy stuff), and Swallow the Sun to that list.

I have a lot of practice being unhappy, okay?


----------



## flint757

Obsidian Soul said:


> I did say "...sort of...."
> 
> Besides,define a "date."Everything is what we make of it.The only reason why I said sort of was because it's not one in the traditional sense.The whole point of drawing her is to get to know her better in a one-on-one scenario.The only thing is that this is probably not a date to her because a date may be defined as having the mutual objective of getting to know one another better to see if there's any compatibility.
> 
> Anyways,thank you for gold showering all other my brief and fragile bliss.I guess I was correct.There's no hope for me.Time to listen to some more My Dying Bride and Katatonia.



He didn't say it couldn't turn into something else or that she doesn't consider it a date or something that could potentially lead to a date. Her letting you draw her may very well be her hitting on you to a degree. His point was more that it doesn't seem explicitly defined as a date and as such you shouldn't get your hope up. If you get to know her during the process, hit it off and then schedule a date for coffee or something it can very easily turn into a dating situation, if it isn't already. You have nothing to lose in trying so don't get your hopes up.


----------



## Joose

piggins411 said:


> That is an oddly specific thing to have happen 4 times



You're telling me!

Time to find a girl whose boss is married. 

But for real, they weren't all necessarily the big boss. There was an assistant manager, a regional manager, an owner and a general manager. Even more specific? The assistant manager was an ex (that one was the worst, as I had been dating her for 15 months), the regional manager had apparently had his eye on her since they were in high school, the owner was a sugar daddy and I know nothing about this general manager... nor do I really care, considering it wasn't relationship status yet.

Maybe it's time to stop asking out women who work for minimum wage? That sounds terrible to say, but it may be a good idea to try and find one with a career. I mean, it makes sense; that way we're more on the same level, as opposed to a girl living off Ramen. I'm just attracted to that level of humbleness, because, for the most part, I live below what I can afford.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Obsidian Soul said:


> I did say "...sort of...."
> 
> Besides,define a "date."Everything is what we make of it.The only reason why I said sort of was because it's not one in the traditional sense.The whole point of drawing her is to get to know her better in a one-on-one scenario.The only thing is that this is probably not a date to her because a date may be defined as having the mutual objective of getting to know one another better to see if there's any compatibility.
> 
> Anyways,thank you for gold showering all other my brief and fragile bliss.I guess I was correct.There's no hope for me.Time to listen to some more My Dying Bride and Katatonia.


'Date' is a word with a very flexible meaning, I would classify an event where two people meet up with the intent to get to know eachother (better), presumably in a 'romantic' context, as a date. Pretty similar to your description.

All I'm saying is you basically asked her to help you out on a school assignment. She might very well want to know you better as well but your intent to have it be an actual date here was very vague and she might not be aware of that. 

Basically, what Flint said.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I got laid...
































Just joking.She left as soon as class ended.I tried to catch her,but I couldn't find her after I got out the classroom.Time to macerate in my depression...


----------



## flint757

<sad face>


----------



## necronile




----------



## Konfyouzd

In addition to the recent permission to find other chicks for a 3 way I've been explicitly been told its okay to sleep with other ppl on my own with the following stipulations:


1) Wrap it up
2) She doesn't wanna know about it

Technically still not my gf...

Mind blown...


----------



## Konfyouzd

UnderTheSign said:


> 'Date' is a word with a very flexible meaning, I would classify an event where two people meet up with the intent to get to know eachother (better), presumably in a 'romantic' context, as a date. Pretty similar to your description.
> 
> All I'm saying is you basically asked her to help you out on a school assignment. She might very well want to know you better as well but your intent to have it be an actual date here was very vague and she might not be aware of that.
> 
> Basically, what Flint said.



Yea. Don't try to use something like a school assignment to imply a date. I've had women say "Come here I wanna cuddle," to mean they actually wanted the D but using similar tactics on most women I meet doesn't work. They seem to like to interpret everything I say as literally as possible. 

Ask her out for something to eat...

Take her somewhere that you can do something interactive like a couples cooking class or pottery class or something...

Go somewhere that you can play some kind of game that either you're good at and can playfully kick her ass at while throwing out helpful hints or even something you're bad at so you can have some fun laughing at yourself...

With a school assignment, despite any feelings the two of you may have for one another neither of you wanna fail I'm sure and so realistically that's where the focus should lie during that time. 

That said doing the assignment with her could and more than likely will open the door for further communication in the future so it's not a terrible move entirely just not a date.


----------



## Ralyks

I'm in a long distance relationship with someone 6 hours away. I've known her for a while and we were actually room mates when I lived out her way. This is challenging. Any of you folks do the long distance thing, and how did/has it gone for you?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Long distance for me has always resulted in more frequent and bigger fights for a number of reasons. It really ends up being a test of your patience. 

When you live close enough that you know you'll see the person soon anyway you tend to not be so bothered if you don't hear from them for a few days. It can start to bother you long distance once a lapse in communication goes beyond your particular threshold of acceptibility.

The shitty part is in most cases you're doing the long distance thing because they're elsewhere doing/pursuing something that you/she/he already knew would be highly time consuming. It's no less frustrating when it becomes real.

You just have to be patient or come to terms w an I ability to handle the situation but that's just my 

Everyone's experience will vary.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Ralyks said:


> I'm in a long distance relationship with someone 6 hours away. I've known her for a while and we were actually room mates when I lived out her way. This is challenging. Any of you folks do the long distance thing, and how did/has it gone for you?


Lots of Skype talks, lots of texting and a long weekend trip once every 4-6 weeks was how I handled it  My current gf lives 1.5-2hrs away and apparently a lot of people consider that pretty long distance but we just make the trip every weekend... If you arrive on fri/sat and don't leave till sunday evening it's still some pretty quality time! If you've got weekends off and travel isn't too expensive, just meet up once every few weeks depending on your availability.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Ralyks said:


> I'm in a long distance relationship with someone 6 hours away. I've known her for a while and we were actually room mates when I lived out her way. This is challenging. Any of you folks do the long distance thing, and how did/has it gone for you?


Well my ex lived 9 hours away via plane sooooo it didn't end up so well. But that's also with a 6 hour time difference so being able to text or skype was a pain, not to mention that she was starting med school and was super busy. But on the other side of the coin, it's really hard to make them work and both parties have to be willing.


----------



## Eliguy666

Here's some advice from comic writer and artist Erika Moen on long distance.

Erika Moen » Advice: Long Distance Dating


----------



## asher

Eliguy666 said:


> Here's some advice from comic writer and artist Erika Moen on long distance.
> 
> Erika Moen » Advice: Long Distance Dating



That scales to any distance really.


----------



## Eliguy666

asher said:


> That scales to any distance really.



It does, yeah 

Erika Moen's advice should always be taken, lest your love life be destroyed.


----------



## AndruwX

Just travel, I live 3 hours away from my GF and everything is good.


----------



## Konfyouzd

How long is she going to be 6 hours away? If you guys trust each other it'll be challenging but you can totally do it.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Hmm...

How to handle this... 

There may be 3 again... I really don't know how I went from not being able to get one to talk to me to constantly having to try and thin the herd, but here's the deal...

I've still been talking to the young one. 

She's the cutest one so far. She's excellent in bed. She sings BEAUTIFULLY and she's just a generally cool chick to hang with most of the time aside from her apparent PDA addiction, but I feel like that may be something that works itself out through familiarity with my distaste for such a thing... Maybe not... Who knows...

At any rate... 

She told me that she's equally attracted to men and women and that if I find another chick that we could have a 3 way. That's kinda awesome, but she's also mentioned already that there's a possibility of her getting jealous. I feel like that possibility is higher than she lets on.

Here's the weird part. There's a friend I have from college that kinda sorta looks like her (like if I looked at them both quickly I could easily mistake one for the other) that I also used to sleep with. Randomly we've begun hanging out again. I'm not entirely sure where *this* will lead but the way we've been hanging out lately feels a lot like dates. We went to lunch today to "catch up" and tomorrow night I'm taking her to dinner.

This might get complicated soon.

What this *sounds* like to me is an open relationship. I'm not entirely sure that that's what it is, but I really have no clue. Has anyone ever been in this situation? I feel like I should tread lightly to avoid being killed by a group of women in my sleep.


----------



## RevelGTR

^I imagine various women bumping into to each other and being startled as they all attempt to sneak into your house late at night.


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

Konfyouzd said:


> What this *sounds* like to me is an open relationship. I'm not entirely sure that that's what it is, but I really have no clue. Has anyone ever been in this situation? I feel like I should tread lightly to avoid being killed by a group of women in my sleep.



Yes, I've been there. If it is an open relationship, you'd be better off to discuss it with her (and know whether that's something you want or not) before you make any assumptions. I had an open relationship with a girl this past fall that was fun for a bit, and no one got jealous or butthurt (insert lube joke). Conversely, I had what I thought was an open relationship my freshman year of college, and was called everything but a white boy when she found out I was sleeping with her sorority sisters. It can go either way, but you need to make sure that it's discussed so no one gets blindsided with something they weren't expecting. Because that 2nd scenario got real ugly real quick.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Konfyouzd said:


> Yea. Don't try to use something like a school assignment to imply a date. I've had women say "Come here I wanna cuddle," to mean they actually wanted the D but using similar tactics on most women I meet doesn't work. They seem to like to interpret everything I say as literally as possible.
> 
> Ask her out for something to eat...
> 
> Take her somewhere that you can do something interactive like a couples cooking class or pottery class or something...
> 
> Go somewhere that you can play some kind of game that either you're good at and can playfully kick her ass at while throwing out helpful hints or even something you're bad at so you can have some fun laughing at yourself...
> 
> With a school assignment, despite any feelings the two of you may have for one another neither of you wanna fail I'm sure and so realistically that's where the focus should lie during that time.
> 
> That said doing the assignment with her could and more than likely will open the door for further communication in the future so it's not a terrible move entirely just not a date.


Technically,it is not a school assignment.I doing this to get accepted into college.Anyways,that girl left right after class,and I couldn't find her.

I decided to draw a different girl the next day.She seems less shy than the other girl and more amiable(less cryptic).I'm going to ask her for Starbucks this upcoming Tuesday.

Who knows though?Maybe that first girl will admit that she had forgot about the drawing and want me to draw her.Either way,I won't approach her anymore.I've already did my part...


----------



## Konfyouzd

So this is awkward...

Chick I used to sleep with in college. At one point it turns out she was also sleeping w my homeboy. Not my girl... I didn't care.

Those 2 ended up dating a while and eventually that ended.

She hinted more than a few times that she was kinda into me.

Fast forward to... 6 years after graduation. They've been broken up since before then. It seems like we're all still friends but he's still awkward about her even if she comes up in convo and isn't around. It's like he refuses to get over her.

At any rate, I hung out w her last night. Completely innocent; I have no reason to lie to you guys. The second she got into my car to go where we were headed she gets a text: "What are you doing in Woodbridge?"



Two or 3 texts later I get one: "Hey I left something for my phone at your house. Lemme know when you get back."

Sketchy...


----------



## flint757

He's a creeper.


----------



## Konfyouzd

He came over yesterday... Seemed a little upset. Somehow we never ended up finding the thing he said he left. I don't think he left anything... 

Man... People be crazy...


----------



## cwhitey2

So on Friday my girl friend of a year and a couples months (who lives with me) decided she wanted to break up with me...here is how it went.

Wed she goes out drinking till 3:30am i had to get up for work at 5 (thanks for waking me up bitch) proceed through the day with minimal communication.

Thursday comes, she hangs out with her friend all day and stays at her house (no big deal i don't own her).

Friday i had off and thought we could spend the day together...i wake up from a mid morning nap when she gets home. She tells me we need to talk and asks me twice how awake i am. I respond with awake as i can be  Now i didnt notice what she was doing because i was half asleep...but she was packing her shit and then tells me shes leaving  couldnt even sit next to me on the bed or anything, just carry's on with her packing (good gf right?) Our talk was "the spark is gone". Then words were exchanged yada yada and stuff about how you gotta fight for a relationship, about how i dont save money, pretty much everything under the sun. Shes going on vacation for 12 days without me and said we could talk about it when she gets back. 

1) i dont beg for anything especially a girl
2) why would i want to be in a relationship with someone who doesnt want to be in one with me 
3) i have GAS out the ASSSSS now i can fulfill it 


I seriously couldnt save money because she spent it all and that still wasnt enough...she lived with me for free and barely worked a 30 hour week. Why the fack would i want to stay with someone like that?

I DONT!!! 

I have already been looking at custom Carvins as a parting gift for me!!! 


end rant


----------



## Konfyouzd

See... The funny thing is that if you continue to feel that way, the moment she gets back she's gonna be all apologetic and into you. Every time a chick tries to get me to do something by threatening to leave and it looks like I don't care, they come back.

I don't know what that game is, but it's really easy to win if you stay completely still.


----------



## Señor Voorhees

> Then words were exchanged yada yada and stuff about how you gotta fight for a relationship, about how i dont save money, pretty much everything under the sun. Shes going on vacation for 12 days without me and said we could talk about it when she gets back.



Translation:

There's a guy I want to .... while on vacation, I'm saying we're broken up/whatever right now so I can use that as an excuse when I get back and we talk about it.

I'm sort of betting gal be cheatin'.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^I've had that happen once before... Hell... I've been the guy she broke up with her dude to cheat with before... It's really not cool. And sometimes when you're the other dude, you don't know either...


----------



## Obsidian Soul

cwhitey2 said:


> So on Friday my girl friend of a year and a couples months (who lives with me) decided she wanted to break up with me...here is how it went.
> 
> Wed she goes out drinking till 3:30am i had to get up for work at 5 (thanks for waking me up bitch) proceed through the day with minimal communication.
> 
> Thursday comes, she hangs out with her friend all day and stays at her house (no big deal i don't own her).
> 
> Friday i had off and thought we could spend the day together...i wake up from a mid morning nap when she gets home. She tells me we need to talk and asks me twice how awake i am. I respond with awake as i can be  Now i didnt notice what she was doing because i was half asleep...but she was packing her shit and then tells me shes leaving  couldnt even sit next to me on the bed or anything, just carry's on with her packing (good gf right?) Our talk was "the spark is gone". Then words were exchanged yada yada and stuff about how you gotta fight for a relationship, about how i dont save money, pretty much everything under the sun. Shes going on vacation for 12 days without me and said we could talk about it when she gets back.
> 
> 1) i dont beg for anything especially a girl
> 2) why would i want to be in a relationship with someone who doesnt want to be in one with me
> 3) i have GAS out the ASSSSS now i can fulfill it
> 
> 
> I seriously couldnt save money because she spent it all and that still wasnt enough...she lived with me for free and barely worked a 30 hour week. Why the fack would i want to stay with someone like that?
> 
> I DONT!!!
> 
> I have already been looking at custom Carvins as a parting gift for me!!!
> 
> 
> end rant


All I saw was red flags haha.Take her stuff and put it by the door.Then,when she comes, look and act like you couldn't care less if she left.


----------



## cwhitey2

^ to all 

She doesn't have a chance of getting back with me not even for a pity bang 


I honestly have been happy in a while, plus I'm happier now anyways. I'm sure there is a guitar out there that can fill that 'void' hahahahaha


I dont think she would cheat on me...i also no longer give a shit.

It's also funny because she keeps posting sad things on facebook....bitch you broke up with me how am i the happy one?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Looking for sympathy from Facebook friends. You know with some people the other person is always the bad guy regardless of how things end.


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

Good for you, man. Be the alpha. 



Konfyouzd said:


> ^I've had that happen once before... Hell... I've been the guy she broke up with her dude to cheat with before... It's really not cool. And sometimes when you're the other dude, you don't know either...



Been there. Got confronted by the dude who got broken up with. We're friends now


----------



## UnderTheSign

My gf got a booty call/text while she was shopping with me this Friday  Some dude she "was supposed to hook up with 2 years ago... but never did because common sense got the better of me". 
He lives in Brussels (5 hours away) and she had long deleted his number. Got a whatsapp message saying "hey, remember who I am?" and in 3 messages he dropped the "what're you doing this weekend?"  She casually mentioned spending it with her boyfriend (hint hint) and then he went on to talk about how he had a girlfriend too but wouldn't be seeing her for a couple of weeks...

It was both pathetic and hilarious, we haven't had such a good laugh in ages. She kept him talking for a while and it came down to him having a girlfriend but claiming she was fine with him sleeping with other women... She isn't allowed to sleep with other men but he said "she doesn't give me blowjobs so that balances things out" and he _needs _sex to keep his dick happy  Our guess was this wasn't his only booty call and he hasn't been very successful...


----------



## Konfyouzd

SoItGoesRVA said:


> Good for you, man. Be the alpha.
> 
> 
> 
> Been there. Got confronted by the dude who got broken up with. We're friends now



It's always funny when shit like that happens...



> Bitch is crazy right?





UnderTheSign said:


> wtf-ness


----------



## Ralyks

So I apologize for not responding earlier to all the advice about long distance, didn't get back to you all sooner because I actually just got home late last night from Buffalo visiting her.

The only issue really is that its been a little hard to get a hold of her, but that seems to be her in general, not just for me. This was something that was brough up while I was up there, and hopefully will begin to resolve itself. I told her, we don't need to have long conversations ever day, even just a text message or a quick two minute conversation would be good.

Thank you all for the advice though. It was great spending time with her and I hope it works out. Also, shes a singer-songwriter that plays guitar and piano and has a KILLER voice, so its nice to date a musician for once. She actually opening for The Offspring a few years back, lucky girl.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I'm glad everything is good right now, man! I hope it stays that way.

Interesting you brought up dating a musician. Do you guys ever do projects together?

The only reason I ask is that one of the girls I'm seeing now is a singer and she keeps bringing up that she wants to sing on one of my songs. I dunno how I feel about that, though. 

Seems like it offends her that I don't just hop to it and wanna record w/ her, but I feel like that could complicate things in a way I don't want. But maybe I just take my hobbies too seriously. We've also only been an instrumental band up until now and changing that isn't something I'm itching to do unless I know the singer isn't going to sing a bunch of whiney lame stuff about their feelings.

Talk about them sure, but do it artistically--not like Kelly Clarkson.


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> I'm glad everything is good right now, man! I hope it stays that way.
> 
> Interesting you brought up dating a musician. Do you guys ever do projects together?
> 
> The only reason I ask is that one of the girls I'm seeing now is a singer and she keeps bringing up that she wants to sing on one of my songs. I dunno how I feel about that, though.
> 
> Seems like it offends her that I don't just hop to it and wanna record w/ her, but I feel like that could complicate things in a way I don't want. But maybe I just take my hobbies too seriously. We've also only been an instrumental band up until now and changing that isn't something I'm itching to do unless I know the singer isn't going to sing a bunch of whiney lame stuff about their feelings.
> 
> Talk about them sure, but do it artistically--not like Kelly Clarkson.



Maybe try writing some new stuff with her?


----------



## Ralyks

Its been talked about. I don't know if I'd ever do anything full blown with her, but collaborating, yeah, I'd like to think that would happen. Like me playing some guitar on one of her tracks or her maybe doing a guest spot on one of my tracks (especailly with my old Metalcore band reforming and me finally getting off my ass to do my Prog Metal. Her work is more Pop-Rock but shes open minded about music). She has a lot of musically-inclined family members too. Her cousin that I'm really good friends with also has a killer voice (The man can do a pretty sick Geoff Tate and Bono) and is a GREAT bassist (somewhere between Geddy Lee and Steve Harris). She knews a few industry people too up by her in Buffalo and down in NYC, where I'm closer too.


----------



## asher

^ Even if things don't work out, do your damnedest to still be friendly with her afterwards


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Hey everyone, I've never posted in this thread before, but I just wanted to bring up a situation that I've never been in before.

There's this girl at my college I know who I've been sort of friends with for the last year. I was in the process of forming a band with her (now) ex boyfriend when he dumped her in the douchiest way possible (moved all of his stuff out of their apartment when she was home seeing her family and then told the landlord to tell her he left). We didn't talk for a while but lately we've been hanging out more.

She has a new boyfriend now but they're in an open relationship. I get the feeling that she wants to sleep with me, since one time when I was at a bar seeing some bands with my friends she was there, drunk, and said hi by grabbing my ass and telling me how cute I was  anyway, we've hung out a few times and made out and stuff, but last Friday I was attempting to get laid when I brought her back to my room after a party but my roommate decided to go to sleep even after I told him I was coming back with her...we just stayed up in my common room watching GoT and then her boyfriend eventually came and picked her up.

I just feel apprehensive about this whole situation. I like her, she's so attractive it's almost stupid and she's really intelligent. I've talked to her boyfriend before, just small talk, but he's a nice guy, he's a really good DJ. Could it be that I'm just nervous about this since I've never dealt with this? I've never been the 'other guy' so to speak, and I know I can't really get relationship-level with her even though I know I probably would if she was single. Should I just pursue this close friends with potential sexytimes route?

Also just for added awesomeness, she met one of my good looking female friends at the party and she told me she would ".... her in a second", and I told the other girl that and she said samesies.


----------



## Konfyouzd

She has a man stay away. Would you want that happening to you? If she leaves him and pursues you that's different. 

Drunk flirting is something women do and will sometimes pretend not to remember or mean to have done. 

Be careful...


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Konfyouzd said:


> She has a man stay away. Would you want that happening to you? If she leaves him and pursues you that's different.
> 
> Drunk flirting is something women do and will sometimes pretend not to remember or mean to have done.
> 
> Be careful...



That was just one time. We've hung out sober and she's into me those times too.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Hey everyone, I've never posted in this thread before, but I just wanted to bring up a situation that I've never been in before.
> 
> There's this girl at my college I know who I've been sort of friends with for the last year. I was in the process of forming a band with her (now) ex boyfriend when he dumped her in the douchiest way possible (moved all of his stuff out of their apartment when she was home seeing her family and then told the landlord to tell her he left). We didn't talk for a while but lately we've been hanging out more.
> 
> She has a new boyfriend now but they're in an open relationship. I get the feeling that she wants to sleep with me, since one time when I was at a bar seeing some bands with my friends she was there, drunk, and said hi by grabbing my ass and telling me how cute I was  anyway, we've hung out a few times and made out and stuff, but last Friday I was attempting to get laid when I brought her back to my room after a party but my roommate decided to go to sleep even after I told him I was coming back with her...we just stayed up in my common room watching GoT and then her boyfriend eventually came and picked her up.
> 
> I just feel apprehensive about this whole situation. I like her, she's so attractive it's almost stupid and she's really intelligent. I've talked to her boyfriend before, just small talk, but he's a nice guy, he's a really good DJ. Could it be that I'm just nervous about this since I've never dealt with this? I've never been the 'other guy' so to speak, and I know I can't really get relationship-level with her even though I know I probably would if she was single. Should I just pursue this close friends with potential sexytimes route?
> 
> Also just for added awesomeness, she met one of my good looking female friends at the party and she told me she would ".... her in a second", and I told the other girl that and she said samesies.


Your safe bet would've been to pursue her if the guy didn't know you. He said it was an open relationship, but if he doesn't know you, it makes it harder for him to track you down if he is upset.

I was in a similar situation last semester, and I decided not to go beyond friends after I found out an acquaintance of mine was smashing her. I don't even like chasing after girls, so I definitely wasn't down for possibly fighting the guy over a girl haha.


----------



## Konfyouzd

And if that ain't enough you saw how my homeboy was about a girl he hasn't dated in almost a decade. We weren't even having sex... 

...This time...


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Obsidian Soul said:


> Your safe bet would've been to pursue her if the guy didn't know you. He said it was an open relationship, but if he doesn't know you, it makes it harder for him to track you down if he is upset.
> 
> I was in a similar situation last semester, and I decided not to go beyond friends after I found out an acquaintance of mine was smashing her. I don't even like chasing after girls, so I definitely wasn't down for possibly fighting the guy over a girl haha.



Yeah, I understand your point there. That's one reason I feel a bit awkward. I've only talked to him a few times, and I'm not sure if he knows her and I are doing stuff, but she's texted him before telling him she's with me and he never really cares. I can't exactly tell the level of seriousness their relationship is. One time I was walking with her and my friends and her bf passed us with a group of people and they just high fived and kept walking.

In all honesty I'm going to keep hanging out with her whether it's platonic or not because she IS my friend, and if she wants to get with me I'll be too tempted to say no... lol


----------



## SoItGoesRVA




----------



## cwhitey2

SoItGoesRVA said:


>



GAS is more powerful!


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

...we have a fundamental disagreement there


----------



## MFB

cwhitey2 said:


> GAS is more powerful!



What if I GAS _for_ pussy?


----------



## piggins411

So pussy is gear now? I've got some studying to do


----------



## asher

piggins411 said:


> So pussy is gear now? I've got some studying to do


----------



## icos211

piggins411 said:


> So pussy is gear now? I've got some studying to do








Vagina Guitars


----------



## piggins411




----------



## DredFul

made my morning!


----------



## Konfyouzd

MFB said:


> What if I GAS _for_ pussy?



Overrated...


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I went on a date with the girl I drew,and I got her number.However,I don't know what to do next.I don't know how often to text her,and I always feel like I do terrible.Help me!


----------



## Eliguy666

Text maybe once every few days, more if you get replies, fewer if you don't. It's perfectly fine to have conversations over text, but make sure that both people are involved.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Obsidian Soul said:


> I went on a date with the girl I drew,and I got her number.However,I don't know what to do next.I don't know how often to text her,and I always feel like I do terrible.Help me!



Do what feels right and see how she responds... Like a guitar. Be yourself. She seems to like it thus far.


----------



## Eliguy666

Konfyouzd said:


> Do what feels right and see how she responds... Like a guitar. Be yourself. She seems to like it thus far.



Reminds me of a quote from the Wise Man's Fear (I adore that series). Something like "All people are instruments waiting to be played the right way. Some people may misinterpret me, and think that I degrade others. But those people do not understand love, or music, or me."


----------



## vilk

I only text to set up dates. Why burn spoken conversation? Anyone else?


----------



## Cabinet

Because pointless, simple, light conversation is fun.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

The bad part is that I never told her about the music I listen to and my affinity for guitars.People automatically assume you're a devil worshipper and a cultist once you tell them you listen to metal.


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

No they don't, the girl I'm seeing currently has gone with me to several hardcore and metal shows. If she doesn't get it, try telling her that it's a lot like being really into horror movies. Same principle. 

On another note, I went to walk my dog this morning, first person I see as I walk out the door is my ex-girlfriend. (I don't like dealing with her nowadays, she always asks me to "hang out at her place sometime") I was going to just wait until she passed and keep going, but the damn mutt blew my cover.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Obsidian Soul said:


> The bad part is that I never told her about the music I listen to and my affinity for guitars.People automatically assume you're a devil worshipper and a cultist once you tell them you listen to metal.



Not necessarily true. None of these things really matter. You shouldn't be so self conscious. From your posts here you seem to be a very cool person. If she sees that I imagine the music you listen to couldn't bother her that much.


----------



## kamello

fvck, I was dating a girl from my Uni who caught my eye since day one this year, and I was pretty happy thinking that everything was going great. 
Then, after 1 week with her out of the map (she is from another city so she went to visit her parents for a while, nothing important really as it happened a few times before) but she started to act in a really cold manner when she got back, I went and asked her just what's going and she just told me that she didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone at this point, and realized that she didn't felt anything more than friendship towards me. 
way to be friendzoned and lose my time


----------



## soliloquy

so, my ex dumped me about 7 months ago. has been trying to get me back since then. i miss her greatly but still pissed that she left me thrice. i keep telling her that if we get back together, nothing will change as i'm still the same person that she dumped 7 months ago, and shes still the same person that dumped me. 

she keeps apologizing and i keep telling her that apologies dont solve/fix anything, and also that i'm not ready to date anyone. 

she keeps sending 'i love you's and 'i miss you' constantly which i feel bad ignoring. it hurts me when she is in the hospital and i cant be there for her as that will give her false hope and i HATE leading people on. 

i explained to her that i'm emotionally not there anymore as i cant do anything emotion related. i can see her (which i did for a movie a few weeks ago) and she realized i've gone completely cold towards her while she's still the same person. 

i keep telling her that i deserve someone who wants me back and not someone who keeps running away whenever there are problems. she keeps saying she left me because a)she was forcing me to pick between my family and her and she couldn't be that person. b)i wasn't fighting for her when she felt my family mistreated her (in a way, perhaps shes right, though i consulted with my family and i got a completely different story...so maybe it was all in her head...?) and c) i didn't tell her to stay. 

i get more mad saying i spent 6 years with her and i shouldn't force her into the relationship if she doesn't want to be there, thus i didn't stop her. she left willingly. 

she hasn't done much, if anything, to win me back. i keep getting more annoyed with her, but i also realized that i dont think i want to be in a relationship with her anytime soon. maybe a year or two down the line if we are different people...

with that said, i signed up for okcupid, started talking to some girl, and now i have a date this monday. i'm nervous as hell, and also confused...am i really ready to start dating again? how would i know? maybe i'm just rusty? what the ....?

confused...:S


----------



## Konfyouzd

Not worth it man.


----------



## UnderTheSign

kamello said:


> fvck, I was dating a girl from my Uni who caught my eye since day one this year, and I was pretty happy thinking that everything was going great.
> Then, after 1 week with her out of the map (she is from another city so she went to visit her parents for a while, nothing important really as it happened a few times before) but she started to act in a really cold manner when she got back, I went and asked her just what's going and she just told me that she didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone at this point, and realized that she didn't felt anything more than friendship towards me.
> way to be friendzoned and lose my time


You had a good time and possibly some extra experience. No time lost at all. 

ps, friend zone is a myth 



soliloquy said:


> with that said, i signed up for okcupid, started talking to some girl, and now i have a date this monday. i'm nervous as hell, and also confused...am i really ready to start dating again? how would i know? maybe i'm just rusty? what the ....?
> 
> confused...:S


I guess you'll know when the date is over. What's being rusty? It's a date, not a game of chess. Be yourself, be social and be fun. Even if you're not ready for romantic contact with other women having a fun date with one won't do you any harm


----------



## kamello

@UnderTheSun: Completely agree with both of your answers, I was a bit upset towards myself considering that similar stuff has already happened to me a few times, I guess is one of the problems of always taking things a bit too fast, but I prefer that and be open regarding what I feel rather than spend months after a girl waiting for something to develop as some guys do...

@Soliloguy: as UnderTheSun said, just go and have fun!, nothing bad can happen and maybe it will help to clear (and cheer) yourself up a bit


----------



## MFB

I say this in the least creepy way possible: I can't stop thinking about the friend I mentioned earlier. 

Ever since we weren't able to hang out before we've been talking online or texting back and forth and unfortunately I know we won't see each other for at least three weeks since she's got finals and I understand the pressure she's under because I was just dealing with it about a month ago during my own finals.

She recently (about two and a half months ago maybe?) also broke up with her boyfriend of like two years give or take, and before that we kind of teetered on the 'will they/won't they' line and I definitely should've said something when I could've of because it was right in front of me; then the next chance I was going to she told me about some new guy she was looking at (who I also happened to go to high school with which was weird). Now that she's single I feel like something might happen, and have been playing it kind of close to the chest more than I usually would.

Ugh.


----------



## asher

MFB said:


> I say this in the least creepy way possible: I can't stop thinking about the friend I mentioned earlier.
> 
> Ever since we weren't able to hang out before we've been talking online or texting back and forth and unfortunately I know we won't see each other for at least three weeks since she's got finals and I understand the pressure she's under because I was just dealing with it about a month ago during my own finals.
> 
> She recently (about two and a half months ago maybe?) also broke up with her boyfriend of like two years give or take, and before that we kind of teetered on the 'will they/won't they' line and I definitely should've said something when I could've of because it was right in front of me; then the next chance I was going to she told me about some new guy she was looking at (who I also happened to go to high school with which was weird). Now that she's single I feel like something might happen, and have been playing it kind of close to the chest more than I usually would.
> 
> Ugh.



Set something up for as soon as she's done with finals and play your cards a little more loosely, IMO.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Am I the only person that's just not interested in ANYTHING that's come his way recently? I kinda wish I had some of you guy's problem of trying to figure out how to talk to some chick that's caught their eye... And I'm 100% underwhelmed...

I was talking to a female friend at work about this and apparently some folks tend to seek out a partner that most resembles the parent with whom they had the most difficulty....

I had the most difficulty with my dad, but the women I date aren't like him. I think the reason he and I don't get along is actually because we're so much alike. That said... I think I recently found out that I kinda hate my mother... Or rather, I hate her attitude towards life.

Upon making this realization, I realized that almost every chick I've dated EVER has resembled all the things I recently realized I hate about my mother in one way or another. And it completely explains why it never works out. 

They make me angry in exactly the same ways she does but in this scenario I have the option to walk away... 

That's actually not funny, but if I don't laugh then I might begin to take life too seriously... 

I do belive at this point I'm going to start going afte women older than me. It's not to say they can't have the same problems. That's absolutely NOT the case. I've seen the same personality traits that I hate in both my mother and the women I date in many a woman with whom I work that happens to be a bit older.

However, I have noticed that a lot of women that are older than me at least seem to be a bit better at articulating their feelings at any given time and they also seem to be better at accepting my feedback than women between 21 and 30... 

YMMV


----------



## MFB

asher said:


> Set something up for as soon as she's done with finals and play your cards a little more loosely, IMO.



Oh, we're most definitely going to be meeting up after she'd done with finals, that's a guarantee; I just have this suspicion it's going to pick up where things left off two and a half years ago and we go at it on the couch during a movie


----------



## icos211

Konfyouzd said:


> Am I the only person that's just not interested in ANYTHING that's come his way recently? I kinda wish I had some of you guy's problem of trying to figure out how to talk to some chick that's caught their eye... And I'm 100% underwhelmed...


----------



## Cabinet

Konfyouzd said:


> Am I the only person that's just not interested in ANYTHING that's come his way recently? I kinda wish I had some of you guy's problem of trying to figure out how to talk to some chick that's caught their eye... And I'm 100% underwhelmed...
> 
> I was talking to a female friend at work about this and apparently some folks tend to seek out a partner that most resembles the parent with whom they had the most difficulty....
> 
> I had the most difficulty with my dad, but the women I date aren't like him. I think the reason he and I don't get along is actually because we're so much alike. That said... I think I recently found out that I kinda hate my mother... Or rather, I hate her attitude towards life.
> 
> Upon making this realization, I realized that almost every chick I've dated EVER has resembled all the things I recently realized I hate about my mother in one way or another. And it completely explains why it never works out.
> 
> They make me angry in exactly the same ways she does but in this scenario I have the option to walk away...
> 
> That's actually not funny, but if I don't laugh then I might begin to take life too seriously...
> 
> I do belive at this point I'm going to start going afte women older than me. It's not to say they can't have the same problems. That's absolutely NOT the case. I've seen the same personality traits that I hate in both my mother and the women I date in many a woman with whom I work that happens to be a bit older.
> 
> However, I have noticed that a lot of women that are older than me at least seem to be a bit better at articulating their feelings at any given time and they also seem to be better at accepting my feedback than women between 21 and 30...
> 
> YMMV


In a relationship with a woman who just turned 38 and she's AWESOME (I'm 21)
Older women are the best. She will teach you how to be an absolute monster in bed and she'll still keep you completely satisfied. Just be aware that it can be easy to fall into a trap with dating an older woman where she will automatically try and take control of the relationship through pampering you. We had some issues at the very beginning because she really wanted to contribute in concrete ways to the relationship, but I felt like I was more like some kind of toy than a partner.

The positives aside, you definitely need to be careful with sex. Older women are approaching, or passed 30. A lot are going to be looking for a suitable mate to keep around and have a family with. If you are not ready for that, you need to be absolutely honest with her if things become serious, and if you are getting the impression she doesn't take you seriously, either work with her or break it off.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Older women don't usually eff with me... They tell me I'm "too young". Apparently 21 isn't, though. I'm 29 years old... 

The more I date the less I give a shit about being with ANYONE much less trying to pigeon-hole them into some demographic. The way I see it, a relationship is just one of those things that I'll figure out how to fit in once I get all the other shit I want in life out of the way. The more I date, the more I hate women whether they're into me or not. I think I just don't get along well with people.


----------



## Cabinet

Nah, you're just appealing to a certain type of woman, but you want a woman you don't naturally attract. It takes a while to figure out what kind of relationship a man wants, and what kind of woman he wants to pursue with.


----------



## Konfyouzd

That actually makes more sense to me than you know... I had that same convo with a co-worker last week. There's a lady I go to work with rather frequently and we talk about all kinds of random things.

She mentioned that most folks tend to go for someone that resembles the parent with whom they had the most difficulty as a child. I honestly don't recall having much trouble with either of them when I was little, but I remember my father being the one I always dealt with when I was in trouble.

Oddly enough, I tend to bump heads with him most now, but I think it's actuall a result of the two of us being so similar in terms of our confidence and/or stubbornness that leads to the majority of these issues.

That said, my mother frustrates me to no end. It sounds terrible to say, but she strikes me as weak a lot of the time. She always has a million problems and a million reasons she could never solve them herself. Mole hills become Mount Everest in a matter of minutes and spilled milk might as well be an ocean of her tears.

I find a lot of women like this. They typically present themselves as very confident people at first but it becomes very apparent early on that they're just looking to latch onto someone that actually embodies the ideals they simply try to project. In situations like this I always end up feeling more like a chaperone than a partner. 

I have to think for them, provide for them, and more or less take care of ANYTHING else they either don't want to do or are too afraid to fail at and it's something I've grown quite tired of.

The thing that drives me craziest is that after sitting and listening to all the trivial mundane things that bother them throughout the day and doing my best to give relevant/thoughtful advice, they often listen to what I have on my mind and just say "Oh..."

I wish I could just meet ONE woman that provides even the most minute level of mental stimulation. Every chick I've dated lately tries to bone as soon as freakin' possible and then act like she has some claim to me. Sex does NOT make you a person's girlfriend.

The more I try the more I'm content with living alone.


----------



## asher

I'm not going to say it doesn't happen, but I _really_ don't buy it as a rule.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I don't either... I honestly think that the REASON I don't like certain people is that they resemble someone I don't like, but not so much that I'm subconsciously gravitating toward them. That said, I can see why the folks I've described would latch onto someone that seems to have more of an idea of what they want. 

I just don't think I'm so much a leader as I am a loner if that makes any sense...


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I'm working on the girl I drew.The problem is that the year is coming to an end.I wish I had more time,but I don't know why I feel so insensitive.I don't care if she likes me or not or if she'll even continue being in my life.In fact,I feel like I am becoming apathetic in general.Suicidal thoughts and other things that used to make me sad I have come to be apathetic and accepting of...


----------



## Konfyouzd

That apathy is semi good. For some reason when you're apathetic it makes women want you. The problem is when they decide they like you and you're STILL apathetic. 

It sounds as though you've either become okay with being alone (not necessarily lonely) which is a good thing. OR, you might be depressed in some way which is not a good thing at all.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Why does the year coming to an end mean anything might I ask? I also don't think that being apathetic towards thoughts of suicide is exactly a good thing. There's a difference between apathy and not investing every amount of emotion into someone. For example, it's good to be ready for being turned down. It's not good to say "whatever, .... it. Why should I care?"



> Suicidal thoughts and other things that used to make me sad I have come to be apathetic and accepting of...


Please correct me if I'm wrong, but this reads to me like so: You used to think of suicide or depressing things, and it would bum you out, but you would actively fight the feelings. Now you're seeing it as an inevitability, so why bother pushing the thoughts off to the side. That is most certainly not a good place to be. In order for me to give proper advice, I'd have to know why you no longer care, but it is strongly advised to find someone to talk to if this is the case. I'm fairly new here, but from what I've observed this site is a generally decent and caring community. Perhaps it's a good place to look for company, or someone to talk to.

I've been down the suicidal/depressed path before, and a lot of it had to do with relationships. Preemptively I can just say that getting too worked up over finding someone while you're still young isn't worth it, which is how I think Konfyouzd interpreted your post. You really shouldn't care too much if you find a girl today, tomorrow, or a few years from now. Investing too much emotion in it can really wear you down quick. Let come what may, and don't think that being single today means life is bad or will always be bad. Enjoy the day to day, and when you eventually find someone, you can enjoy that too.

EDIT: I suppose I should read other people's posts a little more clearly. I'll leave what I wrote anyway but Konfyouzd did acknowledge that depression apathy is not really good.


----------



## asher

No, that was an excellent response. Hopefully it isn't quite needed and that came off more negatively than he meant though!


----------



## MFB

MFB said:


> I say this in the least creepy way possible: I can't stop thinking about the friend I mentioned earlier.
> 
> Ever since we weren't able to hang out before we've been talking online or texting back and forth and unfortunately I know we won't see each other for at least three weeks since she's got finals and I understand the pressure she's under because I was just dealing with it about a month ago during my own finals.
> 
> She recently (about two and a half months ago maybe?) also broke up with her boyfriend of like two years give or take, and before that we kind of teetered on the 'will they/won't they' line and I definitely should've said something when I could've of because it was right in front of me; then the next chance I was going to she told me about some new guy she was looking at (who I also happened to go to high school with which was weird). Now that she's single I feel like something might happen, and have been playing it kind of close to the chest more than I usually would.
> 
> Ugh.



Yeah, so I've been thinking more and I'm just gonna let it go. It's not worth pursuing from my perspective; I'm not in a position where I should be dating, nor should she be dating me since she can do heaps better anyways. It's a nice thought, but the reality is that it wouldn't work.

Oh well.


----------



## asher

MFB said:


> Yeah, so I've been thinking more and I'm just gonna let it go. It's not worth pursuing from my perspective; I'm not in a position where I should be dating, nor should she be dating me since she can do heaps better anyways. It's a nice thought, but the reality is that it wouldn't work.
> 
> Oh well.



I mean, that may be fair, but man, if she wants to date you, you're good enough.


----------



## MFB

asher said:


> I mean, that may be fair, but man, if she wants to date you, you're good enough.



I'm most likely just reading too into it and it's just her normal attitude towards how we'd talk. 

It's like, you know how you see those couples in public where you think "How the .... is he/she, dating him/her?" and usually it comes down to one being really good looking and the other not so good looking? This would be one of those, except I don't have the money or personality to make up for being horrendous so it's like, "Wow, incredible. How do I get one of those?"


----------



## asher

MFB said:


> I'm most likely just reading too into it and it's just her normal attitude towards how we'd talk.
> 
> It's like, you know how you see those couples in public where you think "How the .... is he/she, dating him/her?" and usually it comes down to one being really good looking and the other not so good looking? This would be one of those, except I don't have the money or personality to make up for being horrendous so it's like, "Wow, incredible. How do I get one of those?"



She obviously thinks so. Stop being so hard on yourself man!


----------



## Chokey Chicken

It's a surprising concept, but some guys and girls really just like personality. You can be broke and ugly, and ugly is subjective, and someone can still absolutely love you. If she likes hanging out with you, then she'll want to be around you. The best thing to do is just be real. Don't pretend to be something you're not. If someone likes you for you, then you have nothing to worry about! If they don't want to be with you then that's okay too! Don't let it depress you. It's honestly a good thing. You're saving yourself a lot of stress by not getting into a relationship with someone who can't jive with who you are. 

On the same page, don't go after someone just because they look good. Nothing sucks worse than being in a relationship with a hot, but cold hearted nagging bitch. I've been in a few!


----------



## asher

Chokey Chicken said:


> It's a surprising concept, but some guys and girls really just like personality. You can be broke and ugly, and ugly is subjective, and someone can still absolutely love you. If she likes hanging out with you, then she'll want to be around you. The best thing to do is just be real. Don't pretend to be something you're not. If someone likes you for you, then you have nothing to worry about! If they don't want to be with you then that's okay too! Don't let it depress you. It's honestly a good thing. You're saving yourself a lot of stress by not getting into a relationship with someone who can't jive with who you are.
> 
> On the same page, don't go after someone just because they look good. Nothing sucks worse than being in a relationship with a hot, but cold hearted nagging bitch. I've been in a few!



I tend to stop finding those kinds of people hot when personality like that comes out.


----------



## Konfyouzd

MFB said:


> nor should she be dating me since she can do heaps better anyways...



Sounds to me as though someone has sold himself incredibly short...


----------



## Konfyouzd

asher said:


> I tend to stop finding those kinds of people hot when personality like that comes out.



I almost automatically don't go after the cutest chick I see a lot of the time BECAUSE my experience with prettier women has been that they're either obsessed with how they look or a little meaner than other women that may have what society deems "flaws" (cuz we don't all have those... )

That clearly isn't the case across the board, but the only women I know that haven't fit this description through my own experiences are married aleady. 

I recently stopped talking to every woman I was dating recently and I feel quite free actually. The youngest one I was dating--that 20 year old chick--was very pretty but still maybe about 50 lbs overweight.

All she would ever do is talk about how "hot" she was expecting me to cosign on that shit and be like "Yea baby you so fine..." Sorry. No.

To know that that's how you value yourself makes you less attractive to me already. To fish for a compliment is another strike... Maybe I'm just cold, but I value logic over "dem feels". Maybe that's why I'm alone, though. 

Not only that, but you shouldn't need my opinion to believe that you're a worthwhile person. You should believe that shit anyway. How pretty I think you are doesn't make you more pretty than you actually are. And my thinking the opposite doesn't rob you of your beauty. What I think of someone has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with what it is they actually are--only what ONE MAN perceives. Granted, my opinion may hold weight with some people based on their feelings towards me, but that's something I couldn't help even if I wanted to.

But someone who only values themself because someone else does is ugly... Plain and simple.


----------



## MFB

Konfyouzd said:


> Sounds to me as though someone has sold himself incredibly short...



I'm pretty sure those are the words that'll end up on my grave. Somehow during my life I came to not want credit for anything regardless of how good it is or how hard I worked at it, and instead just kind of leave the room and freak out because people like it and now I have some sort of reputation.

Success, it's the thing that frightens me most because all I know is average or failure


----------



## Chokey Chicken

The problem there is that women are pressured into thinking that beauty determines their worth, so it's not uncommon to find women trying to assert their prettiness. The same goes for guys. They're pressured into being successful and wealthy, otherwise they're worthless. All it takes to have a good relationship is two (or more, who am I to judge) people who are on the same wavelength. If one is broke and "ugly" while the other is "gorgeous" and content with the other being broke/"ugly", then you'll have a good time.

Physical appearance is always a secondary to me, and should be for most people. Beauty fades, but personality is there for the long haul. 

"Ugly" and "gorgeous" are in quotes because everyone finds different things pretty. The important thing is to just be happy with who you settle in with. It's easy to find a romantic interest, it is a completely different feat to find someone who's personality matches yours to a level you're both comfortable with. 

I will second that I despise compliment fishing though. I'll tell someone if I think they're good looking, I don't need them telling me to tell them they're good looking. It happens a surprising amount in guys too, actually. Neither is a fun place to be. Assertion of masculinity is a huge turn off to me, probably more so than women asking if their ass looks fat in whatever she's wearing.

edit: MFB, you definitely shouldn't give up. Just go with the flow, and accept any possibility. If she ends up becoming more, that's great. If you end up either just staying friends or entirely splitting ways, then that's fine too. It's not the end of the world one way or the other. Just don't be bitter, and there are no bad outcomes.


----------



## Konfyouzd

MFB said:


> I'm pretty sure those are the words that'll end up on my grave. Somehow during my life I came to not want credit for anything regardless of how good it is or how hard I worked at it, and instead just kind of leave the room and freak out because people like it and now I have some sort of reputation.
> 
> Success, it's the thing that frightens me most because all I know is average or failure



That freaks me out too... I want people to recognize that I'm good at things, but the moment they do I freak out and run. 



Chokey Chicken said:


> The problem there is that women are pressured into thinking that beauty determines their worth, so it's not uncommon to find women trying to assert their prettiness. The same goes for guys. They're pressured into being successful and wealthy, otherwise they're worthless. All it takes to have a good relationship is two (or more, who am I to judge) people who are on the same wavelength. If one is broke and "ugly" while the other is "gorgeous" and content with the other being broke/"ugly", then you'll have a good time.
> 
> Physical appearance is always a secondary to me, and should be for most people. Beauty fades, but personality is there for the long haul.
> 
> "Ugly" and "gorgeous" are in quotes because everyone finds different things pretty. The important thing is to just be happy with who you settle in with. It's easy to find a romantic interest, it is a completely different feat to find someone who's personality matches yours to a level you're both comfortable with.
> 
> I will second that I despise compliment fishing though. I'll tell someone if I think they're good looking, I don't need them telling me to tell them they're good looking. It happens a surprising amount in guys too, actually. Neither is a fun place to be. Assertion of masculinity is a huge turn off to me, probably more so than women asking if their ass looks fat in whatever she's wearing.
> 
> edit: MFB, you definitely shouldn't give up. Just go with the flow, and accept any possibility. If she ends up becoming more, that's great. If you end up either just staying friends or entirely splitting ways, then that's fine too. It's not the end of the world one way or the other. Just don't be bitter, and there are no bad outcomes.



It's not uncommon for people to be able to think outside the pressures of society. It's lonely out there at times, but that's where I prefer to hang out. Now, that's not to say that I intentionally go agaisnt society on everything to make a point. That would be ridiculous. BUT... In the times when something doesn't compute to me, I do what makes sense versus what's standard. Not seeing that in a potential mate--for me--is disheartening... Plus it's just ....ing unattractive to try and force ppl to tell you that you are what you should be reassuring yourself daily that you are.

I think that the media just puts way too much pressure on us to be super busy, high powered career people with rock hard abs and wrinkle-free smiles. Often we forget how unrealistic that is and more importantly the fact that the the lifestyle required to be those things isn't desirable for all. 

It's exactly like you and my music teacher said: "Be happy where you are and do the absolute BEST thing you can with what you have."

And this was in response to learning to improv with "minimal" skills.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

I'm going to deviate a bit and mention how ....ed up I think the "beauty" industry is. There was a commercial for lasik that basically said you're not living life to the fullest if you have to wear glasses. They're guilting people into altering what they might be absolutely comfortable with. The same goes for wrinkle creams and hair loss treatment. People are constantly told how ugly and/or worthless they are with these "flaws," and it creates huge markets for the exploitation of peoples shitty self esteem, which was created by the advertisements/society in the first place. 

It's effects can even be seen here with MFB resigning to thinking that he's not good enough, and I see it all the time. I try to randomly compliment people in day to day life to bring up their spirits and counteract the shit that society gives them. It's easy to forget that guys need compliments too. I've seen a few videos on youtube of folks doing random acts of kindness, but it's typically a guy doing stuff for girls. Guys need random compliments too, even if it is just "sweet shirt man, I love that band too."


----------



## Konfyouzd

I wake up at 4AM every day and I sleep with the TV on so I wake up to...

"Do you have unwanted belly fat? Belly fat is unattractive and can lead to the following problems..."

Only one of the problems is health related and it's the last one they mention after all the other things that make you feel like the ugliest person that ever lived first thing in the morning. 

Or the acne creams where they show a dude w/ like 3 pimples and you're like...

"But damn! I have 5 pimples! Clearly I have a problem!!!"


----------



## MFB

Chokey Chicken said:


> It's effects can even be seen here with MFB resigning to thinking that he's not good enough, and I see it all the time. I try to randomly compliment people in day to day life to bring up their spirits and counteract the shit that society gives them. It's easy to forget that guys need compliments too. I've seen a few videos on youtube of folks doing random acts of kindness, but it's typically a guy doing stuff for girls. Guys need random compliments too, even if it is just "sweet shirt man, I love that band too."



I wouldn't say mine stems from beauty ads or anything like that since there's really none for men, it's usually all just make-up commercials telling women unless they use X or Y, men won't like them; I've always hated how I look just sort of ...because. It's never what I expect myself to look like, or feel like I should look like. Certain features counter-act the ideas that others gives off like my eyes are this really bright, baby blue so they on their own look young but the second you look at them in context with my face you notice the heavy sunken bags of sleepless nights and stress that I've dealt with for the past six or seven years. Hell, it's why I shave my head because I started balding at 21 and the stress just made it that much worse. I even try to talk less because I don't like hearing myself talk and I know how my voice sounds which makes it that much worse for me to know that's what they're hearing and not what I am inside my head.

Compliments in general make me feel uneasy, and I wish I knew where it came from. It's probably because we get them so early on in our life for random nothingness (kind of like feel-good participation trophies) and then suddenly at some point they stop with them all the time and become when you deserve them; but then since we receive them so few and far between, it's unnatural and we no longer remember how to accept them and say "Thank you" because that unnatural feeling over-powers it so we kind of smile (awkwardly of course) and nod or whatever.

I have so many little ...nuances, that I really don't love myself and it's hard to imagine caring for someone else if you can't for yourself.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Man, it bums me out when I see others with such low self esteem. I understand where you're coming from, since I've suffered the same stuff in the past, and even now to an extent. I'd type up more, but as it stands I'm on my friend's phone typing this about to head into work. You should probably know that every person is their own worst critic, and 10 to 1 you're selling yourself way too short. I might type something a bit more in depth when I get home, but couldn't not at least try to say something positive before work.


----------



## asher

Chokey Chicken said:


> Man, it bums me out when I see others with such low self esteem.


----------



## UnderTheSign

MFB said:


> I'm most likely just reading too into it and it's just her normal attitude towards how we'd talk.
> 
> It's like, you know how you see those couples in public where you think "How the .... is he/she, dating him/her?" and usually it comes down to one being really good looking and the other not so good looking? This would be one of those, except I don't have the money or personality to make up for being horrendous so it's like, "Wow, incredible. How do I get one of those?"


Ya know the saying "if you think you, can't, you're right?"

We've all been there. We all have our insecurities. I still do, my girl still does and I'm pretty sure everyone else here does, too. And when I was 18 and depressed I was dating a girl that made me think "why is she with me? She's a 10 and I'm a 4 at best" too but you know what? I _was_ dating her because I took the risk and I had a great time with her and definitely didn't let my shitty confidence ruin what we had. 

Chicken is spot on in everything he said.

Also, screw that superficial "how is he/she with him/her" crap.


----------



## Konfyouzd

All the pretty girls I dated were just as ....ed up in the head as I thought I was. People are people. And a lot of the women I think are pretty my friends wouldn't touch w a pole of infinite length. It's all relative.


----------



## groverj3

I attract only women who aren't single. It's kind of a curse. The latest example of this is the chick that texts me constantly, always wants to meet up for lunch, wanted to go with me to see Dream Theater, is all flirty and touchy when we hang out, ignores calls/texts from her boyfriend when spending time with me, etc.

What's a man to do? I'm probably just going to keep hanging out with her even though I know it's never going anywhere. If nothing else, as long as I don't do something stupid, I'll have another friend. Living 2000 miles away from most of mine now means that I'll take what I can get 

I feel a little guilty if she's ignoring her boyfriend and spending time with me, but I'm nobody's keeper, and haven't done anything questionable.

I keep trying online dating and nobody responds to shit, so whatever. I figure I'll just live my life and try not to fixate on being single for over four years now .

/rant


----------



## Konfyouzd

No one responds? Are you sending respectable, well worded messages? Cuz you're not supposed to do that w online dating. Women don't respond to the things they say they want.


----------



## Ajb667

I only seem to attract 16 year old scene girls.
Damn my impeccable taste in band shirts and combat boots.


----------



## Eliguy666

Ajb667 said:


> I only seem to attract 16 year old scene girls.
> Damn my impeccable taste in band shirts and combat boots.



That's rough, man .

Mind, I'm a 15 year old guy with the same problem, but I do _not_ want in on the scene business. I made that mistake with a relationship once, never again.


----------



## groverj3

Konfyouzd said:


> No one responds? Are you sending respectable, well worded messages? Cuz you're not supposed to do that w online dating. Women don't respond to the things they say they want.



That's got to be the problem . They aren't excessive in length either. More like a "Hey, I'm relatively new to Tucson and you seem like an interesting person because of _____. If you take a look at my profile and anything piques your interest let me know and we can talk more!" + something about a shared interest.

I have an aversion to terrible grammar and immature behavior on the internet.

Never mind that people aren't exactly jumping in line for the atheist molecular biology grad student with a mountain of student loan debt and uncertain job prospects. Grad school is strange. Most grad students I know are either married or not interested in dating at all. Undergrads think I'm too old (at 24) .


----------



## Ajb667

Eliguy666 said:


> That's rough, man .
> 
> Mind, I'm a 15 year old guy with the same problem, but I do _not_ want in on the scene business. I made that mistake with a relationship once, never again.



I understand that. 
I actually WAS scene when I was 15 and good lord never again do I want to revisit those horrors.

Admittedly, so scene girls are kinda cute.


----------



## Eliguy666

Ajb667 said:


> I understand that.
> I actually WAS scene when I was 15 and good lord never again do I want to revisit those horrors.
> 
> Admittedly, so scene girls are kinda cute.



Not worth it, though. I actually like writing lyrics/poetry, and dealing with the emo style stuff is like watching a train wreck hit an orphanage made of nuclear warheads


----------



## Chokey Chicken

I rather like scene girls, and did back in high school as well. Perhaps I was just lucky, but my first serious relationship was with one, and she was/is one of the best people I know. We're still great friends. It's another one of those things where if the personality is askew you shouldn't go near it, I suppose.

As for befriending women who have significant others already, that's not a big deal. Just be kind and don't make moves on them. They're allowed to spend time away from their significant others with friends, and it's not shady or rude to do so. Chances are that she/they sees you as a legitimate friend. Someone who's not just talking to them with the hopes of getting in their pants.


----------



## Church2224

This thread makes me no longer want to go out and find something....making me cynical again guys I want to hear some good stories!

In terms of girls I like BTW, I like the stereotypical classy girls, never liked scene girls at all. I am pretty picky when it comes to women in all aspects, life taught me to be that way.


----------



## Church2224

Chokey Chicken said:


> Man, it bums me out when I see others with such low self esteem.



I think that is everyone's biggest issue, as is mine. 

Hell I thought my guitar playing sucks, then one day I was at a store and this guy came over and wanted to start a band with me and wanted me to join his old one too....

I think that the only way I could ever get another woman is if she just sat in my lap and started unzipping my pants, you need to be THAT blunt with me to believe you have interest in me


----------



## Chokey Chicken

I personally have lots of positive stories, but I didn't exactly think they were necessary to bring up, especially as it might come off as rubbing it in to the folks who are having a not-so-good time. This thread seems to be more along the lines of "I need advice/help." At least that's what it seems to have become. I haven't even bothered reading any of the older stuff.

Low self esteem blows, and it's a self imposed barrier. Most people aren't viciously vain, and even the "pretty" people will gladly converse with the not-so-pretty. It's people working themselves up and putting themselves down and it creates a lot of self doubt. You can usually tell by a girl or guy's personality how they'd react to politely flirting. ie: Prissy people, who you shouldn't even bother trying with, are going to make you feel like shit if you make any moves. Most people will politely turn you down, or go along with it, depending on how they feel about you. Provided you're not creepy and rude yourself. The key is to not get hung up on it. If a girl or guy turns you down, don't take it as an insult. Don't fire back with "yeah, well you're ugly anyway, I didn't really want anything to do with you" or something. Perhaps that's common sense to the folks here, but I've seen this shit happen a thousand times, so who really knows.

So yeah. Everyone needs to stop doubting themselves, and just talk to whoever the hell they want. You'll eventually run into somebody who wants your company, and I'd bet it'd happen right quick too.


----------



## icos211

One thing that always keeps me in the gym: Them weight floor ladies.

I was doing a cable fly today (The one that makes you get all




, so sexy manbeast mode), and there was this one really pretty chick I see in there always doing legs using the squat machine close by. I swear I caught her looking in my direction a few times, though I couldn't exactly tell, considering that I didn't want to look like I was looking, obviously. As much as I would like to look, 'cause she is one pretty lady. There's another pretty lady that I often see in there lifting, but not lately. Just like with every other woman, whenever I think I might be starting to get up the confidence to go talk to them, or start to figure out what I might want to say, they disappear off the face of the earth.

In any case, I've heard that women don't want to be talked to in the gym anyway... Still, that's just about the only place that I see any girls not completely surrounded by friends, one of the only times I really have a reason to come out of my room, one of two of the only places I go where there are actually other people, the place where I look my best, and reliably filled with ultra hot women.

However, it is also where people want to be ....ed with the least, where I smell my worst, I'm surrounded by dudes who are A LOT better looking than I am, A LOT stronger than I am, and A LOT more confident and sociable than I am.

So what is it? Is it ok to flirt with women in the gym?


----------



## Eliguy666

Just talk to them in a friendly way first, that's the best bet in my opinion. There's not really a catch-all guide for social settings to flirt in.


----------



## Ajb667

icos211 said:


> Just like with every other woman, whenever I think I might be starting to get up the confidence to go talk to them, or start to figure out what I might want to say, they disappear off the face of the earth.



Dude I have this EXACT problem. There's this girl I see walk in my community college after my english class. She always walks in with a guy, so I've been scared its her boyfriend or something (or she's a lesbian, because she has short hair and I'm paranoid she fits the "short hair is for lesbians" stereotype")
I occasionally don't see her because I leave early, but on monday I had psyched myself up to the point where I wasn't nervous about talking to her, and the guy she arrives with WAS ALREADY THERE  
Now I have to try and get myself to the point of not being nervous again, and that is NOT easy.


----------



## Cabinet

He might be totes friendzoned and looking to get in on dat ass but she's resisting.


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

So my recent .... buddy has been M.I.A. the past week and a half because of exams and I've been getting... restless. In the gym today and got this cute sophomores number. Some may speak I'll of such practices, but:
A- I'm not in a relationship with anyone.
B- The ass was fat 

EDIT: Didn't read the above post. It's alright to flirt in rare instances. One of my friends was at the gym and knew this girl from class. She'd been side eyeing me while I was chatting with him in between sets. Generally, I would just sit back and enjoy the view, but this was an instance where approaching this girl didn't seem forced or creepy. Hope that helps.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Chokey Chicken said:


> I personally have lots of positive stories, but I didn't exactly think they were necessary to bring up, especially as it might come off as rubbing it in to the folks who are having a not-so-good time. This thread seems to be more along the lines of "I need advice/help." At least that's what it seems to have become. I haven't even bothered reading any of the older stuff.
> 
> ....
> 
> So yeah. Everyone needs to stop doubting themselves, and just talk to whoever the hell they want. You'll eventually run into somebody who wants your company, and I'd bet it'd happen right quick too.


This! to both paragraphs. I could tell you all about my weekend and how morning sex is better than bacon for breakfast and all the cuddling and the "that was awesome" texts I got on my way home, but who wants to hear that? 



icos211 said:


> So what is it? Is it ok to flirt with women in the gym?


Flirting with anyone is OK everywhere as long as their body language (and response) indicates they're open to it. I don't like flirting in the gym because I'm there to train, not to talk... But as long as you don't get creepy, go for it.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Posted new pics of myself now that I'm thinner. Now I get responses on dating sites. People do NOT care about personality anymore...


----------



## Konfyouzd

UnderTheSign said:


> This! to both paragraphs. I could tell you all about my weekend and how morning sex is better than bacon for breakfast and all the cuddling and the "that was awesome" texts I got on my way home, but who wants to hear that?
> 
> 
> Flirting with anyone is OK everywhere as long as their body language (and response) indicates they're open to it. I don't like flirting in the gym because I'm there to train, not to talk... But as long as you don't get creepy, go for it.


This... And that's the same reason I don't flirt at work. I don't need problems in the place that keeps a roof over my head.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

There's a saying in Italy that goes
"Niente cazzo nel palazzo"
Which translates to: "No dick in the apartment house"
Which means: don't flirt where you live or work.
Which is annoying, but it's a very wise saying.


----------



## Nats

OmegaSlayer said:


> There's a saying in Italy that goes
> "Niente cazzo nel palazzo"
> Which translates to: "No dick in the apartment house"
> Which means: don't flirt where you live or work.
> Which is annoying, but it's a very wise saying.



In America we have a similar saying:
"Don't shit where you eat"


----------



## Konfyouzd

Yea... Definitely more to the point.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Konfyouzd said:


> Posted new pics of myself now that I'm thinner. Now I get responses on dating sites. People do NOT care about personality anymore...


While I don't like putting people into boxes I think there's a certain distinction between people on dating site (OKC, in my case). A lot of guys definitely go for looks only (and they're probably the guys just looking to hook up). There's people (women, mostly) who predominantly go for looks as well, but there's also a large portion (like my gf) who care mostly about your personality, the way you come across on your profile and the content of your messages. Usually those people consider good looks an 'extra', though it should be said that when you for example proudly show off your fedora collection and neckbeard, your chances of being found appealing decrease significantly 

I like to think both me and the gf fall in the second category. I don't do the whole "oh, she's a 9"/"she's only a 6" crap. I messaged women with interesting profiles and while a cute photo might've been what made me check her out, if it looked like we wouldn't get along, I was outta there.


----------



## soliloquy

so i went out on a date with that girl i met online. first, a little ticked off that she was 45 minutes late. but whatever. second, this girl is EXACTLY like my ex personality wise. her likes, dislikes, etc. whatever she says is exactly like my ex as well. which kinda freaks me out as i've seen too many creepy shows where the ex is desperate to getting you back. 

also, her pictures are not what they seem in real....i'll see her another time or two, but her personality to my ex is just strange.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Nats said:


> In America we have a similar saying:
> "Don't shit where you eat"



I'd rather use my weenie in my building than dumping in my dish actually ^__^

Also...unrelated but whatevs


----------



## Konfyouzd

UnderTheSign said:


> While I don't like putting people into boxes I think there's a certain distinction between people on dating site (OKC, in my case). A lot of guys definitely go for looks only (and they're probably the guys just looking to hook up). There's people (women, mostly) who predominantly go for looks as well, but there's also a large portion (like my gf) who care mostly about your personality, the way you come across on your profile and the content of your messages. Usually those people consider good looks an 'extra', though it should be said that when you for example proudly show off your fedora collection and neckbeard, your chances of being found appealing decrease significantly
> 
> I like to think both me and the gf fall in the second category. I don't do the whole "oh, she's a 9"/"she's only a 6" crap. I messaged women with interesting profiles and while a cute photo might've been what made me check her out, if it looked like we wouldn't get along, I was outta there.



I've changed nothing about my approach. I message them if I see something in their profile that's interesting to me. The only thing that's changed is the reaction I get from ANYONE since posting new pictures that just show more of my body. And by more of my body I mean I'm wearing a t-shirt and the cropping of the picture contains the portion of my body from head to about my hips. It just shows that I'm not fat which I'm sure they could have deduced by my height and weight... 

I don't care what anyone says. Most ppl seem to be shallow pricks at least in the beginning and they just want you to think they're deeper than they actually are.

It's been a solid 6 months with no responses. Now I'm getting them... I don't need special instruction on how to talk to or interpret people. In most cases they show me everything I need to know in the way they act. The fact that for a solid 6 months while I was dropping weight not one single person would even so much as say hello to me and now everyone I message is suddenly interested is quite suggestive to me. Yet and still every other profile I read from a chick is chock full of pictures where's she's made a conscious effort to sneak cleavage into the shot all the while saying things like... "If you're just into me for how I look, move on..."

Oh REARRY? 



I think real life is a better place for me to meet people, but it seems as though that's difficult as well with how in love with their phones everyone is. Folks seem to treat online dating like a catalog where they list a bunch of shit about themselves that they think will make people like them and the only people on there with genuine intentions that I've ever come across are people with whom I simply don't jive for any number of reasons. I either get to meet them and they're horribly desperate to immediately begin a relationship or they have a personality tha makes me wanna put a bullet in my brain every time they so much as ask if I wanna hang out.

I keep forgetting that for some the internet is just a convenient place to misrepresent yourself...


----------



## Chokey Chicken

That's true. Real life, and preferably out of the blue, are the best ways to find someone. Dating sites in particular a bad. You basically scroll around with nothing to go on but a picture. It's basically the first impression you get in those situations. Sort of counter productive too since a lot of the ones people don't bother clicking are likely the interesting ones. E-dating sort of forces people to judge on looks, at least initially, where if you just talk to people and form bonds, you know if you're actually attracted or just lusting. 

I don't miss courting people. It's a bit of a hassle, and very much stressful. With my current, permanent, partner I actually did zero of the work, which was fun.


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

And as soon as I ask the girl from the gym out to dinner, I get a text from the girl who's been MIA. Why.


----------



## RevelGTR

Ignore MIA girl, there's a good chance she'll go MIA again.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

The joy in dating is that you can date multiple people. Be open about it though, otherwise shit may go foul in a hurry. Honestly though, if someone likes to vanish until it's convenient for them then they're probably not worth your time.


----------



## MFB

I'm like 90% out of my funk for the most part, still having some lingering thoughts about everything. Got rid of the depression beard that was like two weeks in, even though I kind of wanted to keep the beard and see how it looked fully grown out but oh well. Now that my stationary bike is here I can clean out my spare room and set that plus my weight bench up and just hit that shit every day so that if anything does happen, I'll be a little bit slimmer than I am now.

I more worry about the effects of the whole "other people seeing us and wondering how it happened" because I know it's something I'd deal with. I've done it myself to other couples, and I imagine that EVERYONE does it whether they realize it or not; and while it might not be the most important thing, I imagine if I couldn't/can't deal with it then it'd snowball into a bigger issue.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Konfyouzd said:


> I've changed nothing about my approach. I message them if I see something in their profile that's interesting to me. The only thing that's changed is the reaction I get from ANYONE since posting new pictures that just show more of my body. And by more of my body I mean I'm wearing a t-shirt and the cropping of the picture contains the portion of my body from head to about my hips. It just shows that I'm not fat which I'm sure they could have deduced by my height and weight...
> 
> I don't care what anyone says. Most ppl seem to be shallow pricks at least in the beginning and they just want you to think they're deeper than they actually are.
> 
> It's been a solid 6 months with no responses. Now I'm getting them... I don't need special instruction on how to talk to or interpret people. In most cases they show me everything I need to know in the way they act. The fact that for a solid 6 months while I was dropping weight not one single person would even so much as say hello to me and now everyone I message is suddenly interested is quite suggestive to me. Yet and still every other profile I read from a chick is chock full of pictures where's she's made a conscious effort to sneak cleavage into the shot all the while saying things like... "If you're just into me for how I look, move on..."
> 
> Oh REARRY?
> 
> 
> 
> I think real life is a better place for me to meet people, but it seems as though that's difficult as well with how in love with their phones everyone is. Folks seem to treat online dating like a catalog where they list a bunch of shit about themselves that they think will make people like them and the only people on there with genuine intentions that I've ever come across are people with whom I simply don't jive for any number of reasons. I either get to meet them and they're horribly desperate to immediately begin a relationship or they have a personality tha makes me wanna put a bullet in my brain every time they so much as ask if I wanna hang out.
> 
> I keep forgetting that for some the internet is just a convenient place to misrepresent yourself...



So it looks like I may have to eat a little bit of crow here y'all...

No sooner than I posted all this crap (okay well it was like an hour or two later) I got hit up by not one... Not two... Not THREE... But FOUR freakin' gorgeous, seemingly level-headed women w/ good careers on a dating site where I've seen literally zero activity for 6 whole months. They were all within minutes of each other. Where the hell did that come from?

One of them asked, "So what's your luck been like on here?"

"You're the first and really only person to talk to me in the entire 6 months I've been here..."

"That's really weird. I can't imagine why..."

Because you probably saw me before and scrolled right past me. 

That said, I'm glad I'm talking to her now... 

Aside from that... 

I told you about the chick I used to sleep with in college with whom I'm still relatively close friends but that used to date my current best friend... And he's still kinda in love with her... 

Yea... We still hang out a lot... And I just got back from her place just now actually. We didn't do anything, though. We tried to make indestructible bubbles and it kinda failed hard, but we had fun.

I'm kind of confused about what it is that's going on with her and it's always been a little confusing... Like it seems rather obvious she's into me but homeboy has always kinda been in the mix and it just seems wrong...


----------



## Chokey Chicken

It's not exactly wrong even if it does go somewhere. Your buddy took her after she was with you, it's his fault if he gets pissy if you do anything with her. Besides, just because you're friends doesn't mean it has to go any further. She could very possibly just want to be friends. I don't know your relationship, but in my experience guys get the wrong idea and think they're being flirted with/lead somewhere when they're not. Perhaps friendship is all she desires? Like I said, I haven witnessed your relationship, so disregard if she outright said she wants the D from you.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I never just assume a woman wants the D. That's just as silly as assuming a dude is gonna try to hump you cuz he's gay. You can't be attractive to everyone. However... I've known this one for a VERY long time--at least 10 years now. With this *particular* one I'm fairly certain I can tell now.


----------



## Cabinet

I don't know, I've never met a woman that didn't enjoy sex


----------



## Konfyouzd

They're out there... You usually have to go down on them to change their mind.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

A woman who doesn't enjoy sex is usually one who never had good sex. A few of my previous partners weren't big on having sex until I spent some time with them. Tooting my own horn, but it's true.

There are exceptions and there are some girls, and even guys, who don't care much for sex.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Chokey Chicken said:


> Tooting my own horn, but it's true.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I have lost internet,so I won't be posting as much anymore until I find New ISP...


asher said:


> No, that was an excellent response. Hopefully it isn't quite needed and that came off more negatively than he meant though!


I'm sorry,but it is at least half truth.I think I may have been on a off day when I made that post.I actually feel ambivalent about her.It's like I am two different people.One side doesn't care while the other does.She seems sketchy.When I see her,she smiles when I walk in the room,and we wave at each other.However,she texts back instantly,late,or not at all.I know she's not doing nothing after class because she says she goes home after class.

On a personal note,I am chronically depressed.I doubt I would have even delved into the music realm without it.Bands like Korn,Linkin Park,and Slipknot were my gateway bands.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Chronic depression sounds bad man. And I think a friend of mine may be suffering from at least some mild depression. I haven't quite figured out how to help him. 

His family talks to him about it and I know this because he brought it up to me that they think he's depressed. Talking to him in a general "shootin'-the-shit" kinda scenario you'd probably never guess. 

When you watch him otherwise it seems more likely. Or perhaps he's just become complacent to some extent. I'm not sure if one can lead to another although I imagine it's possible. 

At any rate, whatever it is seems to be causing him to let himself go physically. He spends all his time just playing video games and/or texting a LONG gone ex. He speaks of goals but puts forth zero effort in achieving them. Any attempt to assist in furthering those goals is met with a swift yet respectful decline coupled with empty plans of an alternate solution. 

It seems to be causing stagnation in several areas of his life to include work and his love life. He expresses a desire for change in both arenas but again only puts forth minimal effort at best whilst making any excuse available as to why it can't be done better or at all.

This could just be laziness but I think it could be depression in laziness' clothing. I hope for your sake yours doesn't cause you these issues.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Konfyouzd said:


> Chronic depression sounds bad man. And I think a friend of mine may be suffering from at least some mild depression. I haven't quite figured out how to help him.
> 
> His family talks to him about it and I know this because he brought it up to me that they think he's depressed. Talking to him in a general "shootin'-the-shit" kinda scenario you'd probably never guess.
> 
> When you watch him otherwise it seems more likely. Or perhaps he's just become complacent to some extent. I'm not sure if one can lead to another although I imagine it's possible.
> 
> At any rate, whatever it is seems to be causing him to let himself go physically. He spends all his time just playing video games and/or texting a LONG gone ex. He speaks of goals but puts forth zero effort in achieving them. Any attempt to assist in furthering those goals is met with a swift yet respectful decline coupled with empty plans of an alternate solution.
> 
> It seems to be causing stagnation in several areas of his life to include work and his love life. He expresses a desire for change in both arenas but again only puts forth minimal effort at best whilst making any excuse available as to why it can't be done better or at all.
> 
> This could just be laziness but I think it could be depression in laziness' clothing. I hope for your sake yours doesn't cause you these issues.


Unfortunately,I think I have the same issue.I am trying to work on areas of my life like my almost nonexistent love life and my social phobia,and now I know the concept of being one's own worst enemy and worst critic.


----------



## Ajb667

Konfyouzd said:


> Chronic depression sounds bad man. And I think a friend of mine may be suffering from at least some mild depression. I haven't quite figured out how to help him.
> 
> His family talks to him about it and I know this because he brought it up to me that they think he's depressed. Talking to him in a general "shootin'-the-shit" kinda scenario you'd probably never guess.
> 
> When you watch him otherwise it seems more likely. Or perhaps he's just become complacent to some extent. I'm not sure if one can lead to another although I imagine it's possible.
> 
> At any rate, whatever it is seems to be causing him to let himself go physically. He spends all his time just playing video games and/or texting a LONG gone ex. He speaks of goals but puts forth zero effort in achieving them. Any attempt to assist in furthering those goals is met with a swift yet respectful decline coupled with empty plans of an alternate solution.
> 
> It seems to be causing stagnation in several areas of his life to include work and his love life. He expresses a desire for change in both arenas but again only puts forth minimal effort at best whilst making any excuse available as to why it can't be done better or at all.
> 
> This could just be laziness but I think it could be depression in laziness' clothing. I hope for your sake yours doesn't cause you these issues.





Obsidian Soul said:


> Unfortunately,I think I have the same issue.I am trying to work on areas of my life like my almost nonexistent love life and my social phobia,and now I know the concept of being one's own worst enemy and worst critic.


This was me a little while ago. I'm still depressed alot, and still working on alotta things, but I'm starting to do better. I signed up for some social network that's unofficially a dating site and I actually have a girl I'm into, which is huge since It took me three years to get over my ex. 
If I can do I I know you can too


----------



## no_dice

A friend of mine has become rather unreliable and irresponsible since getting involved with this girl, and it's starting to piss me off. She's bad news and he needs to cut her off. She allegedly has a boyfriend that she never sees, but she fools around with my friend, even though she's told him that she's not physically attracted to him. 

It's weird because when I talk to him about it, he seems very level headed about it, but I guess when she comes around or calls him, all his rationality goes out the window.


----------



## icos211

no_dice said:


> A friend of mine has become rather unreliable and irresponsible since getting involved with this girl, and it's starting to piss me off. She's bad news and he needs to cut her off. She allegedly has a boyfriend that she never sees, but she fools around with my friend, even though she's told him that she's not physically attracted to him.
> 
> It's weird because when I talk to him about it, he seems very level headed about it, but I guess when she comes around or calls him, all his rationality goes out the window.



Literally the same thing happened here. One of my friends suddenly became obsessed with this one chick, who was already a polarizing figure as she took a fascination with spreading random, made up rumors and arbitrarily ending her own friendships seemingly just to see the fallout. So he began bringing her more and more into our group of friends, and basically slaving away for her, even though she still had a boyfriend and was just stringing him along. She began wrapping the other females of the group around her finger, which caught up the couple of guys that they themselves were stringing along, while alienating all the girls and guys that she had either previously had sex with or simply didn't like(I fall into the latter category). So basically, I lost 80% of my friends, and the only place outside of my dorm room that I could hang out.

Fast forward to now, and we on the outside have won back one of our best male friends from the other's clutches(he agreed to be the original dude's roommate for next year before any of this started, now he is ....ed), but the "queen bee" has now started hooking up with the original guy, with obviously no intent on being with him for any length of time after the semester ends. She has directly said to people that she is just doing it with him for now, and it will end when the summer starts. Now, however, the dude walks around like the alpha male, constantly pushy and threatening to fight everyone, including the guy who is going to be his room mate next year. This manipulative, high school drama obsessed bitch has just completely demolished what was originally a very fun, friendly, supportive group.

Just want to give an example, just because this was my most infuriating encounter with her. I'm part of a club on campus to take care of and eventually vaccinate and spay/neuter the feral cats on campus. Since we are brand new and don't have much money, all we have been able to do so far is build shelters for them and provide food and clean drinking water. All of this has been out of our personal pockets. She comes up to me one day while I am studying in a public room with a few friends and tells me that she saw one of our shelters, and "just really wanted to go over and destroy it". She then starts arguing with me about how we should just let them starve to death and "let the problem take care of itself", and about how great feline AIDS is, because it will "just speed up them dying off". Everyone there who was in her court, even though some of them had previously helped me identify and feed some of the cats, actually sided with her and argued against me, while those who weren't associated with her didn't say a single word.


----------



## tacotiklah

^I don't like to throw this label out lightly, but everything you described sounds like the definition of a sociopath. The level of manipulativeness involved, the need for her to destroy things and people without any remorse at all, and the frank coldness about other living things dying are red flags for anyone around her to run for the hills.


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

Never trust anyone who gleefully mistreats a helpless living thing.


----------



## no_dice

icos211 said:


> story about an evil bitch



This girl isn't on that level. She's more subtly manipulative. She just strings my friend along. I assume it's because she likes the attention, especially if she never spends any time with her boyfriend. 

She fools around with my friend physically/sexually but he said they've never slept together. It pushes him to the point where he says he can't do it anymore, and then she starts crying, 'noooooo, I can't lose you as a friend!'

It's just frustrating to see a friend be completely submissive to someone who is obviously using him.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Found another one I like for now... She seems responsible... And actually likes me... Weird...


----------



## Konfyouzd

icos211 said:


> Literally the same thing happened here. One of my friends suddenly became obsessed with this one chick, who was already a polarizing figure as she took a fascination with spreading random, made up rumors and arbitrarily ending her own friendships seemingly just to see the fallout. So he began bringing her more and more into our group of friends, and basically slaving away for her, even though she still had a boyfriend and was just stringing him along. She began wrapping the other females of the group around her finger, which caught up the couple of guys that they themselves were stringing along, while alienating all the girls and guys that she had either previously had sex with or simply didn't like(I fall into the latter category). So basically, I lost 80% of my friends, and the only place outside of my dorm room that I could hang out.
> 
> Fast forward to now, and we on the outside have won back one of our best male friends from the other's clutches(he agreed to be the original dude's roommate for next year before any of this started, now he is ....ed), but the "queen bee" has now started hooking up with the original guy, with obviously no intent on being with him for any length of time after the semester ends. She has directly said to people that she is just doing it with him for now, and it will end when the summer starts. Now, however, the dude walks around like the alpha male, constantly pushy and threatening to fight everyone, including the guy who is going to be his room mate next year. This manipulative, high school drama obsessed bitch has just completely demolished what was originally a very fun, friendly, supportive group.
> 
> Just want to give an example, just because this was my most infuriating encounter with her. I'm part of a club on campus to take care of and eventually vaccinate and spay/neuter the feral cats on campus. Since we are brand new and don't have much money, all we have been able to do so far is build shelters for them and provide food and clean drinking water. All of this has been out of our personal pockets. She comes up to me one day while I am studying in a public room with a few friends and tells me that she saw one of our shelters, and "just really wanted to go over and destroy it". She then starts arguing with me about how we should just let them starve to death and "let the problem take care of itself", and about how great feline AIDS is, because it will "just speed up them dying off". Everyone there who was in her court, even though some of them had previously helped me identify and feed some of the cats, actually sided with her and argued against me, while those who weren't associated with her didn't say a single word.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJ6pLKlU-8Q


----------



## asher

only without the relevant part apparently!


----------



## kamello

no_dice said:


> This girl isn't on that level. She's more subtly manipulative. She just strings my friend along. I assume it's because she likes the attention, especially if she never spends any time with her boyfriend.
> 
> She fools around with my friend physically/sexually but he said they've never slept together. It pushes him to the point where he says he can't do it anymore, and then she starts crying, 'noooooo, I can't lose you as a friend!'
> 
> It's just frustrating to see a friend be completely submissive to someone who is obviously using him.



had a similar problem a while a go (in fact, page 317 here  ), he just needs to man up and decide, if he wants to keep seeing her (which is completely fine) but put a limit between them, or hell, be cold-headed about it, if he ends up having luck with this girl that's fine, but don't be around expecting for something to happen...that, or just fvck off


----------



## Overtone

how ams touch womang?


----------



## Overtone

Tags >tfw no gf, 4chan is your real lover, asian beanpie, ass burgers, being a idiot, beta fggtz, bromance, c0cksuckers anonymous, can i haz ladyfriend?, church needs to get laid, complete aspie bitches, cootie shot, emotionally unstable men, friendzone fanclub, girly men, gnarly, i am so ronery, i need sum poon, if man love was legal, it burns when i pee, kirk lazarus is my dad, must use penis, oh so ronery, right hand strummers, ss emo thread


----------



## kamello

Overtone said:


> Tags >tfw no gf, 4chan is your real lover, asian beanpie, ass burgers, being a idiot, beta fggtz, bromance, c0cksuckers anonymous, can i haz ladyfriend?, church needs to get laid, complete aspie bitches, cootie shot, emotionally unstable men, friendzone fanclub, girly men, gnarly, i am so ronery, i need sum poon, if man love was legal, it burns when i pee, kirk lazarus is my dad, must use penis, oh so ronery, right hand strummers, ss emo thread



I always laugh my ass of when I see that


----------



## Konfyouzd

"if man love was legal" 

clearly the best one...

EDIT: didn't notice the "church needs to get laid" one... 

why y'all effi'n w/ churchy?


----------



## MFB

Konfyouzd said:


> "if man love was legal"
> 
> clearly the best one...
> 
> EDIT: didn't notice the "church needs to get laid" one...
> 
> why y'all effi'n w/ churchy?



Remember, this thread has been going for a LONG time, and I feel like Church himself probably added that one from way back when it first started


----------



## kamello

can't add tags, damn 

wanted to enter ''Konfyouzd is looking for teh maturez''


----------



## Konfyouzd

Male seeking pawg bbw mature...


----------



## Chuck

Guess who's got a girlfriend now, this guy!


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## Cabinet

I never realized until now but the idea of knocking my girlfriend up is very arousing. Thank goodness she doesn't say yes to everything I talk about.


----------



## asher

Congrats Chuck!


----------



## Chuck

asher said:


> Congrats Chuck!



Thanks man, I'm deliriously happy right now.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Konfyouzd does NOT want babies...


----------



## icos211

Cabinet said:


> I never realized until now but the idea of knocking my girlfriend up is very arousing. Thank goodness she doesn't say yes to everything I talk about.



All of my dafuqs?

Don't be silly, wrap your willy, or else, you know...




(Until, you know, y'all are stable financially and relationship wise, and can agree that it's time)


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I guess it's the end.She's always been very inconsistent with texting,which had me suspicious since she goes home and does nothing after class(she said so).We took the exam Monday,and she wore shorts so short you could see the very bottom of her butt and she was looking busty haha.After she finished her exam,she stood up and was typing something on her phone.Then,she left afterwards.

I had decided to reserve myself since she had replied two days later and only be amiable if she approaches me.I won't text her until she texts me,but I think it's already over...

It is to my dismay that the females my age play games.They all want what they can't get,and I guess that's what guys mean when they say women want "bad boys."


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Obsidian Soul said:


> It is to my dismay that the females my age play games.They all want what they can't get,and I guess that's what guys mean when they say women want "bad boys."



This part is true. So many of my friends, specifically my female friends, take for granted people in their lives. I have one friend who literally has a list of guys that she could talk to and hook up with at any point, and while she brags about it, she complains that she can't get with this one guy who already has a girlfriend and just does the whole "woe is me" thing while indirectly bragging to my other friends and I that she could basically get any guy she wants. I love her but it pisses me off.

Besides that little rant, not too much is going on with my love life. I hung out with a girl for the first time on Saturday, she's really pretty and she smooched me at the end  but I feel like the more we talk the less we have/are going to have in common. I'm a bit reserved and she's outgoing in a sliiiightly obnoxious way.

Also that girl I mentioned a while ago, the one with the open relationship? We haven't hooked up, but I saw her sister who's the same age as us on okcupid, and I messaged her because I thought she'd be cool to talk to. I have no idea if there are any boundaries with this situation haha. More likely than not nothing will happen but I'd make a new friend so that'd be worth it.


----------



## Cabinet

Girls like that think a little differently. The friend you have clearly likes to string men along and she does that to get her emotional validation. Imagine dating a woman that fits you so well with all her qualities. Then imagine dating multiple women at the same time so you can get certain qualities from each, and sort of wrap it all up in a package. Chances are she's sleeping with very of the guys she's stringing along, but it's clear she prefers to chase than to be chased.


----------



## groverj3

Oh well, the chick that was being all flirty with me pretty much stopped talking to me.

I guess she wasn't single anyway. Still, I wasn't complaining about getting some attention .

Don't worry, another unavailable girl will come along soon. I'm sure of it .


----------



## BrailleDecibel

Don't feel like going into a lot of detail and thinking about this any more than I already have to, but it's looking like I'm about to be single again. I was in a long-distance relationship with this girl, and things were going amazingly, and then over the course of the last month and a half or so, she began talking to me less and less, now down to not having had any contact with her in the last 3 days. She blames both her phone and computer for not letting her online/phone apps not working right/yadda yadda whatever, but it's been excuse after excuse for a long time now, each one less and less believable. There's really no advice for this kind of thing, other than how to cope with it, I guess, but I really loved this girl, and this hurts like very few things before it have.


----------



## BlackMastodon

CJLsky said:


> Don't feel like going into a lot of detail and thinking about this any more than I already have to, but it's looking like I'm about to be single again. I was in a long-distance relationship with this girl, and things were going amazingly, and then over the course of the last month and a half or so, she began talking to me less and less, now down to not having had any contact with her in the last 3 days. She blames both her phone and computer for not letting her online/phone apps not working right/yadda yadda whatever, but it's been excuse after excuse for a long time now, each one less and less believable. There's really no advice for this kind of thing, other than how to cope with it, I guess, but I really loved this girl, and this hurts like very few things before it have.


 I know that feel, brother. Just remember that you can't beat yourself up over it, otherwise you'll never get out of that hole. It's really shitty, but you'll make it.


----------



## BrailleDecibel

BlackMastodon said:


> I know that feel, brother. Just remember that you can't beat yourself up over it, otherwise you'll never get out of that hole. It's really shitty, but you'll make it.



Thanks, man. You pretty much hit the nail on the head, that's one of the worst issues I'm having with this whole thing right now, beating myself up over it, especially since save for this girl, I've been single for just about 3 years now, so as you might imagine, it gets kind of hard for me not to blame myself. But I've just gotta try and keep my head up, and hope that this is a case of one door closing for another, better door to open.


----------



## BlackMastodon

CJLsky said:


> Thanks, man. You pretty much hit the nail on the head, that's one of the worst issues I'm having with this whole thing right now, beating myself up over it, especially since save for this girl, I've been single for just about 3 years now, so as you might imagine, it gets kind of hard for me not to blame myself. But I've just gotta try and keep my head up, and hope that this is a case of one door closing for another, better door to open.


Not a problem, man. If you go back over a year in this thread you'll find a super emo post from myself where I went through the same thing. It took me way too long to get over it and I was way too hard on myself over it, I don't want someone else to go through that when they don't have to.There's always new doors, you just need to find them, and often times that doesn't happen right away. Take some time for yourself and do the things you want to do, and then get back out there when you're ready.


----------



## BrailleDecibel

BlackMastodon said:


> Not a problem, man. If you go back over a year in this thread you'll find a super emo post from myself where I went through the same thing. It took me way too long to get over it and I was way too hard on myself over it, I don't want someone else to go through that when they don't have to.There's always new doors, you just need to find them, and often times that doesn't happen right away. Take some time for yourself and do the things you want to do, and then get back out there when you're ready.



That's pretty much my plan, just take some time, do the "me" thing for a bit and get out and have fun and play shows (some opportunities cropping up on that front, so that's cool at least  ), and then get back out there when the time is right, and see where it takes me. One advantage to this happening how it did over the course of a month and a half is that I've already done a pretty good percentage of my grieving over this, and obviously this wasn't meant to be, so I'm hoping my "Turnaround Time", so to speak, is faster than usual.


----------



## asher

Sounds like you've got things pretty well 

I'm sure I'll be in here in a few weeks' time...


----------



## groverj3

CJLsky said:


> Thanks, man. You pretty much hit the nail on the head, that's one of the worst issues I'm having with this whole thing right now, beating myself up over it, especially since save for this girl, I've been single for just about 3 years now, so as you might imagine, it gets kind of hard for me not to blame myself. But I've just gotta try and keep my head up, and hope that this is a case of one door closing for another, better door to open.



I know what you mean. I've been single for 4 (ugh) years now, after dating one person for almost all of undergrad (~3 years) and before that one person for all of high school. The more time that passes the more you start to think that maybe they're right for leaving you, maybe you don't deserve a relationship, etc...

However, I just keep reminding myself I must not be that repugnant because I have a lot of female friends. The right situations just haven't presented themselves.

And who knows, maybe things will improve!

If you end up riding solo again just try to be open to new experiences and meeting new people! Oh, and buy some more guitars.


----------



## CGrant109

CJLsky said:


> Don't feel like going into a lot of detail and thinking about this any more than I already have to, but it's looking like I'm about to be single again. I was in a long-distance relationship with this girl, and things were going amazingly, and then over the course of the last month and a half or so, she began talking to me less and less, now down to not having had any contact with her in the last 3 days. She blames both her phone and computer for not letting her online/phone apps not working right/yadda yadda whatever, but it's been excuse after excuse for a long time now, each one less and less believable. There's really no advice for this kind of thing, other than how to cope with it, I guess, but I really loved this girl, and this hurts like very few things before it have.



Trust me dude, I went through the SAME thing with a girl that I knew for years and dated long distance for a year before we went through the lack of communication and then I found out she started dating a guy whom she was friends with while we were together. It blows, but long distance relationships generally never work out, only in rare circumstances with rare people do they make it work out long-term. You're completely doing yourself a favor by getting out of it. Enjoy your life and find a girl in your area and date her instead, you won't regret it.


----------



## Konfyouzd

So... I thought I knew what it meant when a chick said... 



> Yea... I'll let you know...



Apparently it means they're gonna let me know... I have 3 dates this week. Shit...

Tomorrow... I honestly thought this chick was just gonna either forget or find something else to do. She started talking to some other dude and just completely cut me off for a few months and now seems to be all about me. I'm not going to end up dating her seriously as being someone's plan B and knowing it just isnt fun. BUT... That ass is like POW!!! I just wanna go out with her and check her out in whatever it is she's gonna be wearing... She told me she got some new clothes... I'm gonna enjoy it for what it is...

Saturday... This one was smart. I have a feeling she knows I'm talking to other chicks. She invited me to a bluegrass festival. It's an all day event and I do believe she's the one driving us out there. She managed to find a way to keep me all to herself that day. No bother. I think I'm gonna have fun.

Sunday... I kinda like this one. We've been talking for about a week and she's a phlebotomist (sp?) which to my understanding is someone that draws blood. It's amazing. When she speaks interesting, intelligent things that I actually wanna hear about come out. It's quite the refreshing change. And she's kinda sexy too... 

I believe I may have broken through the first few layers of worthless sediment and found a couple shiny rocks... We'll see if they retain their shimmer as time goes on.


----------



## asher

Godspeed


----------



## BrailleDecibel

Thanks all of you guys, it helps knowing I'm not totally alone in this, and you guys are right, things will eventually get better, just gotta ride this rough patch out, play some shows, and get back on my feet again and keep swinging.

Konfyouzd - Best of luck man!


----------



## Orandje

Dat love and caring in this community is somewhat special sometimes  <3
Congrats Chuck and good luck CJLsky!
http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/members/cjlsky.html
And again, the person who made the tags deserves 666 Medals!


----------



## Church2224

Damn, a really cute girl just asked ME out....

Did the world just flip over or something? Is this real life?


----------



## DredFul

Church2224 said:


> Damn, a really cute girl just asked ME out....
> 
> Did the world just flip over or something? Is this real life?



Is this just fantasy?










Congrats mate


----------



## Orandje

Church2224 said:


> Damn, a really cute girl just asked ME out....
> 
> Did the world just flip over or something? Is this real life?



Be yourself, kinda confident and funny.
Win, GG, Life owned. Welcome Sex-Marathon.


----------



## Church2224

Orandje said:


> Be yourself, kinda confident and funny.
> Win, GG, Life owned. Welcome Sex-Marathon.



lol EXACTLY what happened.

I was talking to her, we flirted and laugh for a bit. I had to leave and she said "We need to do something sometime."

I mean, that is fairly blunt. Already trying to schedule something with her and also invited her to a party I am throwing later in the month.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Church2224 said:


> lol EXACTLY what happened.
> 
> I was talking to her, we flirted and laugh for a bit. I had to leave and she said "We need to do something sometime."
> 
> I mean, that is fairly blunt. Already trying to schedule something with her and also invited her to a party I am throwing later in the month.


Haha I wish it was that easy for me.I think I will resume working on myself.I had a conversation with some acquaintances/friends sometime ago,and I guess I let what they said get to my head.I'm not special or anymore entitled than anyone else.

I just need to get better acquainted with myself and not take these females serious lol


----------



## Church2224

Obsidian Soul said:


> Haha I wish it was that easy for me.I think I will resume working on myself.I had a conversation with some acquaintances/friends sometime ago,and I guess I let what they said get to my head.I'm not special or anymore entitled than anyone else.
> 
> I just need to get better acquainted with myself and not take these females serious lol



Well, They should not really have put it that way. I would have just said "You are no less worthy of love or a relationship than anyone else." What they said basically killed your self esteem, it is not right. Sure it might be reality but at the same time, if you want to build a man's self esteem, you need to be a little more sensitive on the topic. 

Trust me, I have come a long, LONG way. I know where you have been. This time last year I was infatuated with one girl and it blew up in my face. Since then I have dated about three or four other girls, been in a relationship with one, had some physical experiences, took a break and now I am back in the game. 

Here is just a summary of the Way of The Church-

1. You will not get all the women you want, and that does not mean that anything is wrong with you, or anything is wrong with them. That is just life. Whoever tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something. 

2. Never settle for less than some one you want. Set standards and do no compromise them. Honestly, the girls you really want are the girls you will get if you just be yourself and know who you are as an individual. Once you start settling for girls who are not worth your time, you run into trouble. 

3. You do not need fancy clothes, or a fancy car, or be a "bad boy" to get a girl's attention. Girls who only fall for those types of guys are shallow, materialistic, or just messed up in the head somehow. That said make sure you bath, shave, and do not say "M'Lady". Girls like baseball caps over Fedoras (and I OWN a Fedora too...) 

Basically, just be yourself, be confident and do not take it so seriously and you will be fine. Hell I was not expecting anything with this girl and just wanted to kill some time, then BAM!


----------



## Church2224

Orandje said:


> Be yourself, kinda confident and funny.
> Win, GG, Life owned. Welcome Sex-Marathon.



Oh when she cums by my house on Memorial day, there will be a Marathon


----------



## flint757

Church2224 said:


> Oh when she *cums* by my house on Memorial day, there will be a Marathon



So you will be doing the deed near your house rather than in it?


----------



## Church2224

flint757 said:


> So you will be doing the deed near your house rather than in it?



Tool shed, right on top of the lawn mower


----------



## Konfyouzd

Church2224 said:


> Damn, a really cute girl just asked ME out....
> 
> Did the world just flip over or something? Is this real life?



It's our time Church... It's our time...

Seize the mothafunkin' day...


----------



## groverj3

Church2224 said:


> Damn, a really cute girl just asked ME out....
> 
> Did the world just flip over or something? Is this real life?



I'm going to live vicariously through you. Please get laid.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Church2224 said:


> 3. You do not need fancy clothes, or a fancy car, or be a "bad boy" to get a girl's attention. Girls who only fall for those types of guys are shallow, materialistic, or just messed up in the head somehow. That said make sure you bath, shave, and do not say "M'Lady". Girls like baseball caps over Fedoras (and I OWN a Fedora too...)
> 
> Basically, just be yourself, be confident and do not take it so seriously and you will be fine. Hell I was not expecting anything with this girl and just wanted to kill some time, then BAM!



People who are materialistic are typically young, and will eventually grow out of it. Guys are super materialistic too, and they're also worth avoiding. Not that many folks in this thread are after guys, but guys who try to impress women with shit they own are a good deal of the time the scum of the earth. Basically, you're perfectly right. Be yourself, and you'll attract people that like you for you. This is much better than finding a partner who is attracted to what they can get out of you.

As for baseball caps over fedoras, this is true. Fedoras have been adopted by the "men's rights" activists, which are typically sweaty, mouth breathing, misogynistic, ass clowns who couldn't get laid unless they were rapists, which I'm betting a lot are. Er... Sorry. I've had many a bad experience with these folks.


----------



## Grindspine

Once I couldn't sleep, sent an IM to a friend about meeting me at IHOP for some late night coffee. By the time I got there, he apparently fell asleep. I ended up having coffee with these two chicks and buying them some food.

One of the chicks wanted to hang out more that summer. She was an art major-typical starving college student. So we hung out more, went out for food a few times.

That was ten years ago this month and she is still following me around!

Moral of the story is this: buy a chick food and she'll love you.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Chokey Chicken said:


> People who are materialistic are typically young, and will eventually grow out of it. Guys are super materialistic too, and they're also worth avoiding. Not that many folks in this thread are after guys, but guys who try to impress women with shit they own are a good deal of the time the scum of the earth. Basically, you're perfectly right. Be yourself, and you'll attract people that like you for you. This is much better than finding a partner who is attracted to what they can get out of you.
> 
> As for baseball caps over fedoras, this is true. Fedoras have been adopted by the "men's rights" activists, which are typically sweaty, mouth breathing, misogynistic, ass clowns who couldn't get laid unless they were rapists, which I'm betting a lot are. Er... Sorry. I've had many a bad experience with these folks.



Truth...

I've never liked a single one of the women that were interested in me for something they found to be flashy... 

Now if you like shallow people then your mileage will obviously vary.


----------



## Church2224

Chokey Chicken said:


> People who are materialistic are typically young, and will eventually grow out of it. Guys are super materialistic too, and they're also worth avoiding. Not that many folks in this thread are after guys, but guys who try to impress women with shit they own are a good deal of the time the scum of the earth. Basically, you're perfectly right. Be yourself, and you'll attract people that like you for you. This is much better than finding a partner who is attracted to what they can get out of you.
> 
> As for baseball caps over fedoras, this is true. Fedoras have been adopted by the "men's rights" activists, which are typically sweaty, mouth breathing, misogynistic, ass clowns who couldn't get laid unless they were rapists, which I'm betting a lot are. Er... Sorry. I've had many a bad experience with these folks.



I think to an extent we are all materialistic. We all like nice things, I love nice high end guitars, guns, bourbon, and pick up trucks. Plus we all do want some one we are physically attracted to. We like nice things but when we allow that to cloud our judgement there becomes a problem.

On another note, I work in landscaping. One of my clients is a single woman in her late 30's/ early 40s. I was mowing her lawn today and when I was done she invited me inside for a drink because it was hot out. This was different for me because only two other clients do this with me and they are both older couples in their 60s and 70s and I have had them for three years now. This woman I got at the end of last season and just started again this season, so overall very little contact with her. 

Now, one of my biggest fantasies, ever, is to cut a female client's lawn, go inside and then just get it on, I am dead serious. After all, women like a strong, handsome young man who is not afraid of manual labor right 

So, maybe I am over thinking this and letting my fantasy get to my head, but we went inside and she was talking to me, getting to know me a little better. Now my knowledge on body language is rusty, but judging by hers she was into me, and a couple of times she mentioned she had no kids and is not married, maybe it was intentional maybe not....

But I will say, she is a pretty good looking woman for her age...

I do not know man, got me thinking all sorts of crazy things!


----------



## Chokey Chicken

That's not a terrible place to be. She can only get more comfortable with you, so perhaps next time things will go further. Probably best to make it known that it wouldn't be a romantic relationship if it gets that far. (Unless you want it to be of course.) If shit goes south, I can imagine it ....ing you over with your business.


----------



## asher

This is a good point. While it's not really one of mine or anything I can totally see the attraction to that, haha, and props if you pull it off, but do tread a little carefully.



Party tonight. Most parties involving booze and ladyfriend and people have resulted in dramabombs and me NOT having drunkfun. So we will see. I am not hopeful >.>

theoretically there is a fallback. Oy.

ed: kind of a dickish way to put that. I'm sure there will be a long story post later. But also not sober


----------



## BlackMastodon

Church2224 said:


> I think to an extent we are all materialistic. We all like nice things, I love nice high end guitars, guns, bourbon, and pick up trucks. Plus we all do want some one we are physically attracted to. We like nice things but when we allow that to cloud our judgement there becomes a problem.
> 
> On another note, I work in landscaping. One of my clients is a single woman in her late 30's/ early 40s. I was mowing her lawn today and when I was done she invited me inside for a drink because it was hot out. This was different for me because only two other clients do this with me and they are both older couples in their 60s and 70s and I have had them for three years now. This woman I got at the end of last season and just started again this season, so overall very little contact with her.
> 
> Now, one of my biggest fantasies, ever, is to cut a female client's lawn, go inside and then just get it on, I am dead serious. After all, women like a strong, handsome young man who is not afraid of manual labor right
> 
> So, maybe I am over thinking this and letting my fantasy get to my head, but we went inside and she was talking to me, getting to know me a little better. Now my knowledge on body language is rusty, but judging by hers she was into me, and a couple of times she mentioned she had no kids and is not married, maybe it was intentional maybe not....
> 
> But I will say, she is a pretty good looking woman for her age...
> 
> I do not know man, got me thinking all sorts of crazy things!


I'm gonna live vicariously through you a little bit here since one of my fantasies is also the getting it on with a hot older woman (don't care about the lead up, I'm not picky. ). DO IIIIIIIT


----------



## asher

Yep. What happened? What I knew would happen.

sigh.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

If things go awry every time you booze it up at a party, why not change something? I try not to be preachy, but I'm betting there would be no booze filed dramabombs if booze weren't involved. Party drinking is just the worst, IMO. Nothing says "bad time" more than a bunch of people getting together, who likely have differing opinions, and lowering their inhibition.

Here's to hoping it wasn't a cluster ...., and was more of just an annoyance than anything else.


----------



## tacotiklah

Ah facebook, where people randomly hit you up to ask if you'll tickle their brother's tummy. Seriously, this just happened to me. Wtf is WRONG with people?


----------



## Alice AKW

^THAT'S a new one.


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

Well, time to see if I can pick up girls at work while my facial wounds heal. I may or may not have gotten into a scrap with someone for putting his hands on one of my friends. I work as a bouncer though, so maybe the girls at the club expect me to look like that, idk.


----------



## icos211

Church2224 said:


> I think to an extent we are all materialistic. We all like nice things, I love nice high end guitars, guns, bourbon, and pick up trucks. Plus we all do want some one we are physically attracted to. We like nice things but when we allow that to cloud our judgement there becomes a problem.
> 
> On another note, I work in landscaping. One of my clients is a single woman in her late 30's/ early 40s. I was mowing her lawn today and when I was done she invited me inside for a drink because it was hot out. This was different for me because only two other clients do this with me and they are both older couples in their 60s and 70s and I have had them for three years now. This woman I got at the end of last season and just started again this season, so overall very little contact with her.
> 
> Now, one of my biggest fantasies, ever, is to cut a female client's lawn, go inside and then just get it on, I am dead serious. After all, women like a strong, handsome young man who is not afraid of manual labor right
> 
> So, maybe I am over thinking this and letting my fantasy get to my head, but we went inside and she was talking to me, getting to know me a little better. Now my knowledge on body language is rusty, but judging by hers she was into me, and a couple of times she mentioned she had no kids and is not married, maybe it was intentional maybe not....
> 
> But I will say, she is a pretty good looking woman for her age...
> 
> I do not know man, got me thinking all sorts of crazy things!



Only one thing to do. Ask if her lawn is mowed... NOWHAIMSAYIN?!?!?!

As for the materialism discussion, I know how quick we are to dismiss women who get all hot and bothered by fancy cars and stuff, but sometimes we should ask ourselves: How would we act if a decently attractive woman rolled out a full custom multi scale Mayones 7 string around guys?

So now that I'm back home for the summer, I've left where any interesting or available women are located. Except...

At my old Tae Kwon Do school, just before I quit my job there there came in a slightly older(now 20, I think) girl basically to fill my position. She is a super cute, very upbeat, playful kind of person. I've never gotten to know her all too well, as I'm usually not here to go to TKD, or when I do she is leaving because her shift is over. We have been talking a little bit more, and I'm getting my job back there(Woo, I'm gonna work two jobs all summer, one of which I absolutely despised while I was doing it, and one of which I'm quickly coming to despise), so I will definitely be more in contact with her. I've been making attempts to be "flirty", quotations used because I have literally never flirted with another human being who I was not already involved with. I have no idea how to read someone who's answer isn't already yes. I don't know if she is responding in a friendly way, a flirty way, or if my best efforts at being witty and alluring can actually be considered anything more than glorified walrus grunts.

I have a plan('cause my plans have ALWAYS worked [it's funny because literally every similar "plan" goes the exact opposite of how they do in my head]). Every time we talk, she complains about my beard. So I'm thinking I can offer her a deal: "I'll shave if you let me take you out on a date". I'll attempt more walrus bellows and test the waters, then try and drop that one on her.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Materialism is an excessive focus on physical objects. There's nothing wrong with being excited that someone else shares the same hobbies as yourself, but when someone can't appreciate you unless you have nice things, then there's a problem. Not everyone with a nice car or guitar is materialistic. As for how guys would react to a girl having a nice guitar, through my experience both irl and seeing tons of videos online, it can go one of a few ways. I've been told I'm a wannabe, overly berated, overly complimented, and more times than not "flirted" with or had sexist jokes hurled my way. "Flirt" is in quotes since they usually only sexually harass me, and there is no tact involved. Every now and again I'll meet someone cool, but the shit you have to trudge through isn't worth it imo, so I've taken to releasing my music anonymously. This carries over into other hobbies as well, but I won't get into that.

That's the stress in flirting by the way. It sucks like crazy not knowing how to read someone very well. Just don't push too hard. If she doesn't respond well to your flirting, it's best to backpedal a bit. Also worth taking into account is that not every friendly gesture she gives is flirting in return. I've seen far too many guys get the wrong idea from women who were just being friendly and/or polite. Your plan actually sounds pretty good and it's sure to let you find out if she's interested in you as well. Unless she's a heartless witch, she'll let you down gently too, so I wouldn't feel awkward about it. If she turns you down harshly, then she was bad news to begin with. If she accepts, then congratulations, you've done what lots of guys are too afraid to do!


----------



## icos211

Chokey Chicken said:


> Materialism is an excessive focus on physical objects. There's nothing wrong with being excited that someone else shares the same hobbies as yourself, but when someone can't appreciate you unless you have nice things, then there's a problem. Not everyone with a nice car or guitar is materialistic. As for how guys would react to a girl having a nice guitar, through my experience both irl and seeing tons of videos online, it can go one of a few ways. I've been told I'm a wannabe, overly berated, overly complimented, and more times than not "flirted" with or had sexist jokes hurled my way. "Flirt" is in quotes since they usually only sexually harass me, and there is no tact involved. Every now and again I'll meet someone cool, but the shit you have to trudge through isn't worth it imo, so I've taken to releasing my music anonymously. This carries over into other hobbies as well, but I won't get into that.



Um... it was a joke... Sorry for your bad experiences.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

icos211 said:


> Um... it was a joke... Sorry for your bad experiences.



So many elipses! I'm aware it was a joke, I was just just being the anti joke chicken. Don't get too worked up over it. I wasn't trying to be a dick or anything.


----------



## asher

icos, I think your plan is pretty good. Go for it, just brush it off if she declines and go back to acting as you were 

Chicken: yeah, I'm kind of aware of that. Most of the full actual "dramabombs" in the last few months (at parties) have been result of a highly unstable other person who latched on and made a giant scene. The rest hasn't really been all that much drama, kind of just a long string of disappointments and feeling pushed off and such.


----------



## soliloquy

so...i might have a law suit headed my way.

long story short, my ex and i were supposed to get married. we booked a hall. she dumped me 10 months before the wedding. 8 months before the wedding, we asked the hall keepers what to do from now? they were being a bit ambiguous. 

5 months before the wedding, i went in, asked about a replacement couple, and the hall keepers said thats fine, they can work something out. i brought a potential couple that wanted to take over our date for the wedding for the same people and everything. the hall keepers denied saying we pay in full, then the new couple takes over that same date. the new couple said it wasn't worth it for them, they bailed because the hall wasn't working with us. 

we told the hall keepers the wedding is off, and they, again, were being ambiguous saying 'sure'. a week before the wedding, they called saying when are we making the final payment, when are we picking the menu and stuff. i told them that the hall was cancelled and you, hall keepers, kind of gave me the green light. they said its not in paper, nor writing, thus the wedding is still on. they said that i need to pay them 80% of the hall price (5000) as they had lost a lot of business because i failed to cancel it before and they dont have enough time to get another wedding now. 

come wedding day, i went to the hall, and sure enough the hall was booked under a different couple at full capacity! i took some pictures to prove that the hall was full and they didn't lose any business.

they called today saying they are going through with the law suit.

now i gotta see my ex to see if she will support me in this. legally i am bound as the contract has my signature, not hers on it. morally and ethically, she should be involved in it too...now i wonder if its cheaper to pay the 5k and split it with my ex for 2.5k each OR go through with the law suit and the lawyer fee involved with it which can go either way.

the contract does say that if the payment isn't paid in full before the wedding, the hall keepers will cancel the ceremony themselves and everything will be considered void/non-refundable. 

then towards the end, they also say 'cancellation is subjected to such and such penalty fee' so now i wonder which takes presidents? plus, can the contract stand as it too was ambiguous? and do they have any grounds as they had my hall booked under a different wedding that was at full capacity, thus they didn't lose any business of any sort. 

humm....why must i see my ex for this..?!


----------



## icos211

soliloquy said:


> she dumped me 10 months before the wedding.



So it's her fault, if pointing fingers could solve anything. What a total shit situation, man. It also seems like a bit of the hall's fault, considering that they never informed you of a formal cancellation policy. I wish I could say something that would help, but... The good guys always seem to get the short end of the stick. My condolences.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Well, the pictures of a full hall and no business being lost would surely help to some degree in court, but because your name is on the agreement, and it is a legally binding contract, I don't think it really matters. Unless your ex is kind enough to pitch in, she's not legally obligated to. And unless the hall decides that they won't hold you to the agreement you're legally ....ed into paying that I think. Such a shitty situation, and you have my sympathy. I hope it works out for you to some degree.

Perhaps take everything to a lawyer. Usually consultations are free, unless I'm mistaken. I really don't have much experience with lawyers n' stuff.


----------



## SoItGoesRVA

Anyone else think that girls "twerking" is just a really shitty courtship dance for humans?


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Last night one of the RAs in my building messaged me on Facebook asking me where I was living next year. Turns out she's going to be my RA. We talked for a bit and she invited me to hangout in her room and watch The Office today. We just chilled for an hour this afternoon, didn't do anything, but I get the feeling she likes me. I mean, she messaged me out of the blue at around 1 in the morning. When we'd talk and she laughed she does that thing where she looks at me every time she laughs, I hope that's a sign.

She's really cute, radiates intelligence, avid feminist (in the not self righteous way), and likes a lot of the same shows I do and thinks it's cool I play metal. So yay. Maybe this will go somewhere next year


----------



## flint757

Sounds like she is 100% hitting on you dude.


----------



## MFB

Got a message from the lady-friend today, first thing she said was, "Hiiiii, I miss you" and I immediately had a knot in my stomach.

Just when I think I'm out, they pull me right back in.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

flint757 said:


> Sounds like she is 100% hitting on you dude.


I certainly hope so  kinda sucks it's at the very end of the year, but she'll be checking me out of my room when I leave so I can talk to her for a bit more then. Honestly, the first few times I met her, I thought she might've been a lesbian (she has real short hair, dunno just got that vibe) but I'm totally okay with this haha. Maybe if I get to see her tomorrow I'll make a move.




MFB said:


> Got a message from the lady-friend today, first thing she said was, "Hiiiii, I miss you" and I immediately had a knot in my stomach.
> 
> Just when I think I'm out, they pull me right back in.




For real though, if you get that knot in your stomach, do not do anything with her. Just don't do it. I felt that knot with a girl earlier this year, and I wasted an extra month of my life being confused and stressed out.


----------



## MFB

It was a good kind of knot, since she said it later in the conversation which went on for like ...half an hour during my night class. So we're gonna try to get together and "hash things out" I imagine.


----------



## asher

MFB said:


> "hash things out"


----------



## CGrant109

MFB said:


> first thing she said was, "Hiiiii, I miss you"
> 
> .



From personal experience/s, anytime a girl does the "Hiiiii" thing, they want the D.  Go get it laddy


----------



## MFB

CGrant109 said:


> Go get it laddy



What I intend to do, but I'm gonna wait just a smidge until I get my new car and roll up there in ....ing style; or if she surprise visits me then all bets are off.


----------



## soliloquy

on another note, shortly after my breakup with my ex, i got really close to this girl, we always have a great time. shes super cool, highly intelligent and emotionally very stable and sane. very open minded, hilarious etc etc etc. i might have been in rebound mode and started falling for her; only for her to say she is looking for the same thing as me: an awesome lady to call her own. so she is a lesbian and recently came out (great! i fully support lgbt) and i'm happy for her. 

got damn it, why is she so cool?!


----------



## icos211

soliloquy said:


> on another note, shortly after my breakup with my ex, i got really close to this girl, we always have a great time. shes super cool, highly intelligent and emotionally very stable and sane. very open minded, hilarious etc etc etc. i might have been in rebound mode and started falling for her; only for her to say she is looking for the same thing as me: an awesome lady to call her own. so she is a lesbian and recently came out (great! i fully support lgbt) and i'm happy for her.
> 
> got damn it, why is she so cool?!



Because they are the best parts about dudes (Sane, fun, like sports, someone you can talk about boobies with) AND the best part about girls (the actual having of boobies).


----------



## MFB

Never have such simple words elevated a spirit so high, and then only to have them dashed immediately following that

Edit: game has been played wrong, I cannot flirt under the influence


----------



## Church2224

Ah just spent some "quality time" with a girl I met earlier today....was pretty great


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

This girl is totally into me. We've been texting for hours and I told her how cute she was (yay for alcohol-induced bravery) and she thinks I'm cute too. Then we both said we could have made a move when we hung out. Then she asked if I wanted to drive back to college this week to see her, it's like a 1.5hour drive not far for me, she's staying until Saturday. When I asked her if she wanted me to spend the night, she said "yeah I would  " two smiley faces? Come on.

So yeah and I found out she actually lives like 35-45 minutes from me when not at college. Pumped for this summer and next year


----------



## asher

Schwiiiiing!


----------



## Konfyouzd

So... That chick that my friend used to date... I called it... Totally wants me.

(Let's keep in mind that we fooled around a bit briefly prior to him asking her out like 8 years ago and it doesn't seem like the two of them speak much anymore.)

We went out this weekend to a bluegrass festival and it was a ton of fun. 

My friend proceeded to be a creeper again. From the moment I left for the goddamn festival he was texting the BOTH of us. But here's where it got REALLY weird...

She ended up spending the night on Saturday. Around 1 in the morning we decided to go to Walmart to get a few things. To our surprise Wally World was actually closed so we turned around, got back in the car and left.

As I'm starting my car, I see someone else walking through the parking lot. When my eyes focus I realize it's HIM. What are the odds we're the only 3 ppl in the closed Walmart parking lot at 1:00AM?

Then he texts me, "Were you just at Walmart?"



This is sticky now... I feel like she really likes me but nothing about this situation makes me feel comfortable at all.

Even more interesting... I've been dieting and exercising like a fiend ove the past 6 months. This Sunday he tells me he's hiring the same nutritionist I did and is going to start working out again. Well... At least we got that out of the situation... 

I've been trying to get him to go to the gym with me forever, I just wish it wasn't so goddamn weird. It's one of those things where we obviously need to sit down and talk to the dude, but at this point, knowing that he may be willing to stalk me makes it so that I'm not sure I wanna talk to this person AT ALL. But we'll see.

On the other hand, there's this lovely phlebotomist with whom I've also been chatting. She seems more and more perfect every day actually. She's actually just starting a diet similar to my own so we can eat the same things (and she doesn't look at me like a weirdo for the things I eat ) but she's also taking a serious interest in taking care of herself which is oddly very important to me these days.

She has one kid, but he seems to be extremely well behaved and by the interactions I observed between the two of them she looks like a really good mom which is also sexy. Even better (well... for me... #selfishnigga) she doesn't have her son ALL summer. He goes to stay with his grandparents like I used to. So it'll give us a good chance to get to know each other well. 

That said, with her evenings being more free in the summer it will also be more difficult to juggle multiple women--not that that was ever really the plan, I just ended up with a few different options.

More than likely things with the first chick will end as they have in the past... We'll sleep together a handful of times and end up dating other people to avoid awkwardness... This has been the cycle since I've met her...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Side note:

The phlebotomist is a student... I wonder if I can use her discount for software... That shouldn't be a priority, but at least I'm not using her for her gully hole (or at all really since I actually like her); I just don't wanna pay like $500 to record stuff...


----------



## cwhitey2

I want to .... my best friend....so hard 

She is literally the perfect woman..or at least I think so!

I have had a thing for her since I was 7, im 26 now and shes 30 (we used to ride the skool bus). We hang out all time...but the _mother....ing_ friend zone destroys all hopes 


Have any of you ever busted through the friend zone? And if so how did it end!


----------



## Konfyouzd

I don't bust out of the friend zone usually until about 2 years after I bring up that I'm into them and I'm already dating someone else but now they wanna be all friendly and shit. Then usually once I give them the time of day again, they start acting like they're not interested again. Vicious cycle for me.


----------



## asher

Hm. Don't think I've ever actually done it, really. There were a couple attempts, but there was a bunch of rebounding going on there... otherwise, everything was straight to "romantic", or "friends but not that well so not really zoned".



As for myself, I really, really fvcking hate this limbo zone, sort of arms' reach crap. It drives me nuts and makes me incredibly uncomfortable and anxious, _especially_ when things go back and forth and it's all moot in a couple weeks ANYWAY.


----------



## blastgatr

Odd place for a first post, but I just recently broke out of the "friend zone" a few months ago. A girl I've been close friends with since the beginning of this school year (finals start this week then graduation). Her parents love me and she likes me playing guitar when we hang out (she has an old ibanez RG she basically told me I could have).


----------



## cwhitey2

Konfyouzd said:


> I don't bust out of the friend zone usually until about 2 years after I bring up that I'm into them and I'm already dating someone else but now they wanna be all friendly and shit. Then usually once I give them the time of day again, they start acting like they're not interested again. Vicious cycle for me.



That's the BEST. People that dont know we are just friends....and I mean everyone thinks we are dating/banging.


Went to visit my ex at work one day with my friend and ALL her co-workers thought i was 'cheating' on her in front of her.  We dont even tough even other...sadly


----------



## Konfyouzd

Everyone thinks I'm banging every chick they ever see me with... If only they knew that prior to this year I hadn't gotten laid for like 2 years... 

I guess maybe that means that you *could* be hittin' that...


----------



## no_dice

I'm a little unclear as to what the "friend zone" actually is. 

Some people refer to it when they meet someone they want to get with and they get politely rejected by them by "just wanting to be friends" and others talk about it when they have a long-standing or deep friendship with someone and that impairs them from seeing the person in a romantic light because they've built this other type of relationship with them.

I dunno, in my head, it's as simple as: you either want to be with someone, or you don't.  I guess everyone has different situations, though.


----------



## Konfyouzd

It is that simple. But you're talking about human beings.


----------



## cwhitey2

no_dice said:


> I'm a little unclear as to what the "friend zone" actually is.
> 
> Some people refer to it when they meet someone they want to get with and they get politely rejected by them by "just wanting to be friends" and others talk about it when they have a long-standing or deep friendship with someone and that impairs them from seeing the person in a romantic light because they've built this other type of relationship with them.
> 
> I dunno, in my head, it's as simple as: you either want to be with someone, or you don't.  I guess everyone has different situations, though.



It means you aint ....in 




She did recently tell me I need a friend with beni's...my first thought was "Soooo....what about?"


----------



## MFB

It's interesting to look at how two people can read/perceive two different things. In this case, I feel like I'm being a straight-up asshole during this conversation and giving sort of one-liner/word responses, but I don't think she's reading them in nearly the same tone I'm implying...like, at all. 

I'm currently in the middle of a "compromise on your beliefs" argument, in which I'm being pleaded to get Snapchat, I vehemently refuse with a single word of "No" and I kept getting long "Pleeeeaaaasssseeee"'s back


----------



## asher

Welcome to the wonderful world of text-only conversations, where tone is all in the reader's head


----------



## icos211

cwhitey2 said:


> I want to .... my best friend....so hard
> 
> She is literally the perfect woman..or at least I think so!
> 
> I have had a thing for her since I was 7, im 26 now and shes 30 (we used to ride the skool bus). We hang out all time...but the _mother....ing_ friend zone destroys all hopes
> 
> 
> Have any of you ever busted through the friend zone? And if so how did it end!



Yes. After 3 years of friendship (in which she once did the whole "you're like a brother to me"), I said to her: "So, do you wanna go out?" to which she responded: "Sure."

We were together for 2 years.


----------



## cwhitey2

icos211 said:


> Yes. After 3 years of friendship (in which she once did the whole "you're like a brother to me"), I said to her: "So, do you wanna go out?" to which she responded: "Sure."
> 
> We were together for 2 years.



Yeah....but we are hanging out tonight


I think I need to it take a couple step further. Like : when are we going to have sex


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Unfortunately I won't be able to go visit this girl back at college tomorrow, I need to stay home and do some things with my family, but I told her that and she told me not to worry. It'll be nice see her this summer!

I'm going to keep my options open since this is in its really early stages, since I might meet some new people this summer.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Unfortunately I won't be able to go visit this girl back at college tomorrow, I need to stay home and do some things with my family, but I told her that and she told me not to worry. It'll be nice see her this summer!

I'm going to keep my options open since this is in its really early stages, since I might meet some new people this summer.


----------



## icos211

Much suck at work today. I found out I may have a fractured fibula, and that that chick may have a boyfriend.


----------



## MFB

Apparently the chick I've been talking to and giving all kinds of signals has a coffee date next week, so uh, yeah guess I'm not king shit around these parts like assumed


----------



## asher

MFB said:


> Apparently the chick I've been talking to and giving all kinds of signals has a coffee date next week, so uh, yeah guess I'm not king shit around these parts like assumed



Go in anyway guns blazing!


----------



## MFB

I kind of douched it up last night when she told me that while I was high and today I'm sure didn't help with the conversation where I ignored her for large portions of time (partially because of that, but also because she was nagged me to compromise something I firmly believed in so I had to get the message across)


----------



## Chokey Chicken

MFB said:


> I kind of douched it up last night when she told me that while I was high and today I'm sure didn't help with the conversation where I ignored her for large portions of time (partially because of that, but also because she was nagged me to compromise something I firmly believed in so I had to get the message across)



Chances are if it's starting off this spiteful and awry, there's no future with this girl. I recommend moving on. It seems like any time spent continuing will just be wasted.


----------



## MFB

Chokey Chicken said:


> Chances are if it's starting off this spiteful and awry, there's no future with this girl. I recommend moving on. It seems like any time spent continuing will just be wasted.



To take away my own credit, I really wasn't in the right state of mind for conversations like the one we had at the time (I was two bowls deep, and feelin' good) but seriously who says the following like this:

I tell her what days work for me
She picks a day and I say it works
Then she says "This girl's got a coffee date"
I say something else about the way she phrased picking the day
She replies "No, I would that day but I have a coffee date, then coming down to see you later in the week"

Like, woman, that is NOT how the English language works. If you say that shit immediately following us making plans, that usually means OUR thing is the coffee date and you don't understand timing/conversation flows.

It just all seems too convenient, and there's multiple scenarios but they all feel like a play. Date could be fake to play up her own interest and make pull the trigger into doing something, could be real and things work out between them, any way it just feels like I'm the convenient back-burner so I'm gonna do what I do when most woman want to see me and avoid at all cost.


----------



## asher

I'd really advise you to stick it out just a little. Get something set, see what happens. If she _continues_ to be dodgy, then bail.

Basically, she's on her last life


----------



## soliloquy

I usually dont date, so this is a rarity for me. Up until recently (post llloooonnnggg relationship) ive always maintained my stand on 'friends first, relationship later. 

But i put myself out there, went on a first date with someone, had a great time, talking, laughing etc. right after the first date she got very clingy! I went out on a second date 2 weeks after to see if that clinginess will curbside but its still there. I dont want to see her a third time. Do i tell her over a text/email/call or just ignore her? 

Im a pretty avid texter, though with her, one text a day is a lot. She knows i have a lot on my plate. 

Dating is weird and mew to me...


----------



## BlackMastodon

You gave her 2 dates and have been talking to her for a little while, have the decency to let her know at least, don't just ignore her. I don't think you're doing anything wrong by not wanting to be with her, it's just not something you want in your life at the moment. She shouldn't get too crazy over it, hopefully anyway.


----------



## flint757

That or ask her to lay off of the clinginess if that's the only thing putting you off. Some people just don't realize how obnoxious it can be to others.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Hey dudes, I made a thread about this a month ago or so but I need some help.

Last year I saw this girl that was just casually seeing each other, but I ended things with her because she was clearly obsessed with her ex. We didn't talk for a while then she tried getting back with me. We hung out once and while I thought it was great, the next day she said she couldn't be with me because she was "just a choice" to me. This was a year ago.

A couple of months ago I reached out to her, saying that I apologized for the negative ways I acted when we were seeing each other. I did not expect to get back with her nor did I really want to. We talked and ended up hanging out a few times. Reconciliation + Archer + make out cuddles = happy me.
Then after maybe a week or two of that she comes over to my room and gets mad at me for GETTING KISSED by one of my friends who was drunk, three weeks before I even reached out to her. I told her that nothing happened, it was just silly, and it didn't mean anything, and she was just irrationally mad. Then she left and texted me "I don't like the new Aaron." what the ...., man. I texted her a bit then just stopped. I haven't talked to her since.

She's gone from my school now. She's a senior now but her major requires her to transfer to a college in NYC. So I'll probably never see her again, at the least for a long time. I just saw her on facebook today, and she got a haircut, and oh my god, she's just so beautiful. I've always found her to be the most attractive woman I've ever met. I just get a knot in my stomach every time I see her. I want to tell her I'm sorry for ignoring her, and that I wish her the best, and that I want to see her again... On the other hand, I want to yell at her and ask her why she ignored ME, and why she does this weird thing where she acts cute and lovey then all reserved and expects me to know how to act all the time.

Basically, I need you guys to tell me to either talk to her, even in the smallest capacity, to get closure and this s..t, or tell me to ignore her and she's crazy. Either one is fine.


----------



## Cabinet

She seems to be jumping from choice to choice. She's having a lot of emotional issues and it sounds like you're being used. Is that how you feel?


----------



## asher

Ooof. I hate to say it but it sounds like it's too much crazy. It sucks that sometimes they're the ones you want the most, but I don't really think you have too much to gain from bringing anything up. If you're guaranteed to just want to have a yelling match, is that worth clearing the air?

I might just hide her from your FB feed for a while.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Cabinet said:


> She seems to be jumping from choice to choice. She's having a lot of emotional issues and it sounds like you're being used. Is that how you feel?


Kinda sorta. I think I'd consider myself being used by her in the past. I'm there when she wants someone but doesn't take into account anything I want.



asher said:


> Ooof. I hate to say it but it sounds like it's too much crazy. It sucks that sometimes they're the ones you want the most, but I don't really think you have too much to gain from bringing anything up. If you're guaranteed to just want to have a yelling match, is that worth clearing the air?
> 
> I might just hide her from your FB feed for a while.


I'll probably do that. The worst of it is that we never got to have something good and I know we could have. When we started seeing each other, I was a freshman and wasn't entirely mature, and she was hung up on her ex. This time, we'd only have a month and a half together really, and that went south pretty quick. I lost my virginity to her, I don't know if that has anything to do with having some sort of attachment to her, but the thing that sucks for me is that we've just been on different pages every time something happens. If we started on the same page and understood each other, it'd be great. At least, that's what I keep telling myself...

In the meantime, I will be passive aggressively posting angry girl-focused metalcore songs on my facebook.


----------



## asher

My gut is telling me you guys won't ever really be on the same page and that she's just the wrong wavelength of crazy for you.

Because really: the pick two of three rule. Who really leaves sexy or smart on the table instead of sane?


----------



## Cabinet

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Kinda sorta. I think I'd consider myself being used by her in the past. I'm there when she wants someone but doesn't take into account anything I want.



Yeah it's best if you cease any sort of relationship type bond with her. Her "I don't like the new Aaron" is a ploy to get you to want to change for her. She's not treating you the way you deserve to be treated. You can let her know that is the case, or you can not. But I would not consider going into any sort of relationship with her unless you two have a serious discussion with wants / needs / and feelings.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

asher said:


> My gut is telling me you guys won't ever really be on the same page and that she's just the wrong wavelength of crazy for you.
> 
> Because really: the pick two of three rule. Who really leaves sexy or smart on the table instead of sane?


Well she's definitely sexy  but yeah, it just sucks, because she seemed so happy and figured out and then...no.



Cabinet said:


> Yeah it's best if you cease any sort of relationship type bond with her. Her "I don't like the new Aaron" is a ploy to get you to want to change for her. She's not treating you the way you deserve to be treated. You can let her know that is the case, or you can not. But I would not consider going into any sort of relationship with her unless you two have a serious discussion with wants / needs / and feelings.



This is great. I didn't really think about what she said in that way, but that's true. Sometimes I don't know what she wants and I don't know of even she knows what she wants, but you can't just control people entirely or drag them along on a string just in case you end up alone and wanting some attention.


----------



## MikeH

Today marks 5 years with my gal pal. I have seen the other side, brothers. And it is a sight to behold.


----------



## asher

MikeH said:


> Today marks 5 years with my gal pal. I have seen the other side, brothers. And it is a sight to behold.



Congrats!

My longest was around 3 years 9? months. And that was highschool into college somehow. Makes 5 seem verrry long 

ed: and for this part of my life, warm fuzzies (see happy thread).


----------



## kamello

MikeH said:


> Today marks 5 years with my gal pal. I have seen the other side, brothers. And it is a sight to behold.





obligatory Gojira post 




asher said:


> Because really: the pick two of three rule. Who really leaves sexy or smart on the table instead of sane?



.....oh, so we can't pick three?, damn, that explains a lot


----------



## Metalus

MikeH said:


> Today marks 5 years with my gal pal. I have seen the other side, brothers. And it is a sight to behold.




Any words of wisdom? Im currently in a new relationship with someone who I love, but i feel ive always been bad at making time for my own things (Doing the band thing, Recording etc.) and making time for her. I don't want this relationship to go the wrong way since she is the most wonderful girl i've ever met.


----------



## icos211

Asked the chick from work to the AAL(w/ Conquering Dystopia and Chon) concert. She kind of wasn't giving me a straight answer, then another co-worker came up and started talking to us, bringing the subject off the concert. I know that they are really close, and spend a lot of time together. I'm wondering if they have a thing, or if he is just ultra deep in the friend zone...

Anyway, she texted me later asking when the concert was, but said it conflicts with a family reunion. I have no idea how to feel.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Hmm... Not sure I wanna date that chick I'm friends with anymore for a number of reasons. But she seems like she really likes me now and that's unfortunate. I think I see what some ppl mean when they say they don't wanna eff up a friendship by bringing other stuff into it.

Whenever I talked to her befoe when we were literally just friends it always sounded like she was talking to more than one person at a time. Now that she's interested in *me* it doesn't seem like that's the case anymore and I can see a hint of irritation in her eye if even another female friend's name comes up (assuming it's a friend she doesn't yet know).

Aside from that, I'm seeing that it's very difficult for me to see her as more than my friend. That is also coupled with the fact that even though I've decided that logically it doesn't make sense for my friend that used to date her to still be so attached, I still feel incredibly wrong doing what we're doing.

In happier news... I went out with the phlebotomist lady on Sunday to some place called Funland with her son... Oh my god. That 10 year old kid is like my new best friend. We had way too much fun at that place. I'm not sure she knew what she was getting herself into.

Something about her just seems more... 

I dunno. I just feel compatibility when I'm with her. It seems like with the other chick we're just friends that really like having sex with each other. I kinda wish I hadn't complicated things... I hate the serious talks, but I think I gotta do that soon... :-\


----------



## Konfyouzd

icos211 said:


> Asked the chick from work to the AAL(w/ Conquering Dystopia and Chon) concert. She kind of wasn't giving me a straight answer, then another co-worker came up and started talking to us, bringing the subject off the concert. I know that they are really close, and spend a lot of time together. I'm wondering if they have a thing, or if he is just ultra deep in the friend zone...
> 
> Anyway, she texted me later asking when the concert was, but said it conflicts with a family reunion. I have no idea how to feel.



I say just assume she's telling the truth until you have reason to believe otherwise. At which point you should discontinue your romantic pursuit.


----------



## MFB

Just got played the "Whatever" card and hit that shit right. out. the. fvcking. PARK.

She asked if our plans were still on Friday and I told her it was 50/50 because I have an assignment due not only Thursday that I need to finish, but I also have stuff due for mid-day Friday and then later at 7PM for a different class. She plays the whatever card, and I immediately put an end to that shit. I just gave her all the time of day during her finals when she was stressing, and now that it's my time she immediately presumed we weren't hanging (we won't but I'm stalling on that). I told her that I said 50/50 and if she immediately wants to assume that means no, then that falls on her, but there's still a 50% chance we will so don't go assuming anything.

If only ever "Whatever"-card could be so easily deflected


----------



## Grindspine

This week will be ten years since I met my girlfriend. We're taking a mini vacation to celebrate!

I think I posted on this thread a few weeks ago saying that I bought her food once and she has followed me around ever since.


----------



## asher

Grindspine said:


> This week will be ten years since I met my girlfriend. We're taking a mini vacation to celebrate!
> 
> I think I posted on this thread a few weeks ago saying that I bought her food once and she has followed me around ever since.



_What the actual shit did you buy her to eat?!_


----------



## soliloquy

told the girl i cant be wasting her time and that this isn't a good idea, me seeing her anymore. she took it fairly well, saying she appreciates me telling her in a) person and b) in advance before it got serious c) being honest about it


----------



## Grindspine

asher said:


> _What the actual shit did you buy her to eat?!_


 
French toast?


----------



## asher

Grindspine said:


> French toast?



Clearly, the source of all my problems...


----------



## Seybsnilksz

Female anatomy


----------



## Eliguy666

Seybsnilksz said:


> Female anatomy



...is the best thing ever.


----------



## groverj3

Grindspine said:


> French toast?



I'm going to try this next time I get a chance.

If she doesn't fall for my classic good looks, intelligence, and personality it will surely be the french toast!

Then I will rename it "Romance Toast."


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Eliguy666 said:


> ...is the best thing ever.



Qft!

Also, it's a little known fact that all women love French toast and will do anything for it if made properly... Unless they're vegan, then they'll just despise you.


----------



## MFB

Now that I think about it, the only reason I learned to make (and subsequently, enjoy) French toast is because my last girlfriend hung out with someone from class and they made it; then in jealously, I learned so we could and it's been in my arsenal since.

Usually it's my after-snoo-snoo breakfast offering


----------



## flint757

I'm in an odd place mentally. Opportunities arise to date fairly frequently when I'm out and about, but I just don't care to initiate anything. 

Dat funk.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Just doo it mang!


----------



## Ibanezsam4

alright in a bit of a pickle here, and its a large two part problem.

last night me and the girlfriend had a big fight about me meeting her friends.. 

some context: i live in Rhode Island, she lives in New Jersey, i see her on the weekends only, which basically mean i spend one two nights, one day, and then half of sunday seeing her. she has been working a lot lately so its been harder to see each other. so when i do see its a big deal, and i want to spend time with her. 

now to the story i have always been a little uncomfortable with being in a large group of unfamiliar people, specifically where i only know one person (my gf). my solution has always been to meet friends or important people in smaller groups or individually. 

Now to her friends when they're together are just a huge group of dicks, figuratively and literally (all guys). and i was told "yeah they'll probably pick on you alot or try and make you mad".. 
needless to say i said i didn't want to do this, and i protested saying "im not going to drive to NJ just to be pissed off and unhappy, which is all thats gonna happen if you put me in that situation"

so we argued about that, she tried defending her friends a bit, but i came out and asked why she never had asked to meet more of my other friends (im in a friend circle via my childhood best friend and we all in a wedding party together). 

her: "you never talked about them too much other than the wedding and whenever you mention that all i think about is you fvcking some bridesmaid" 

(for some context, gf and i knew each other for years while we were at university, so she heard some of my stories from last summer before we got together). 

AND HERE CAME PROBLEM NUMBER 2# 

and i couldn't hold it back after the bridesmaid comment (this next bit had been bothering me for months) i came out and said i have a hard time being around her friend ryan because they have had sex *she describes him as her 2nd best guy friend, and will basically say he's an asshole* (friends with B's for a short time)... 

i had met him and i realllly dont like him.. we're just not compatible in the same room and i see him and think about him and her and say to myself "really? really?? that guy??" he regularly cheats on girls and i recently found out he has paid for hookers... yeah.. swell guy.

she basically became a little withdrawn because she has already said she regrets being so open with her past and telling me too much. i said its made me uncomfortable that she wants me to be friendly with him, and its made me mad she seemingly is far more hostile about my past.

basically i said the double standard is too big. she said i wont ever be around ryan. 

after sleeping on all of this i now feel guilty, i want her friends (the nicer ones and not ryan) to know me, i dont give a shit if they like me, but i feel bad about being hostile to a big group party which we were invited to.. 

i also feel bad about how i handled her guy friend thing.. it had been bothering me a while, but i was trying to get past it.. it just rubbed me the wrong way after she got pissed about a flirty co-worker. 

so my question: did i handle this all the wrong way? because i have massive guilt syndrome today...


----------



## no_dice

Maybe I'm immature, but I wouldn't really be cool with my wife being best buds with a dude she used to sleep with. I never liked dating girls that had all guy friends, claiming "they just get along with them better than girls." Well, no shit, they want to bang you, so of course they're going to be nice and "fun to be around."

I'm sure me saying any of this isn't helping you feel better, and I apologize for that. When you're in a relationship, you should feel confidence and trust in your partner, but you also shouldn't create situations that you know will upset them.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^


----------



## Ibanezsam4

no_dice said:


> Maybe I'm immature, but I wouldn't really be cool with my wife being best buds with a dude she used to sleep with. I never liked dating girls that had all guy friends, claiming "they just get along with them better than girls." Well, no shit, they want to bang you, so of course they're going to be nice and "fun to be around."
> 
> I'm sure me saying any of this isn't helping you feel better, and I apologize for that. When you're in a relationship, you should feel confidence and trust in your partner, but you also shouldn't create situations that you know will upset them.



we're going to have to talk about it more i think... this won't be an issue in the future because she wants to leave NJ (all of her friends are there) to be with me.. but as much as i dont want to know... if they did this recently (prior to our dating) im not going to feel comfortable with her around him alone


----------



## asher

You should tell her you feel guilty and apologize for how it came up.

This doesn't invalidate how you feel, logical or not, and it is absolutely something you guys need to hash out, but it will work much better when you're both calmer and more amenable.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

asher said:


> You should tell her you feel guilty and apologize for how it came up.
> 
> This doesn't invalidate how you feel, logical or not, and it is absolutely something you guys need to hash out, but it will work much better when you're both calmer and more amenable.



yeah i need to do this.. i wanted to bring up the guy friend thing for a while but to do it calmly... but that one jab just made me lose it.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I think you did the right thing calling out the double standard even if it upset both of you. The reason it's so upsetting is because it's true. Double standards aren't good and when one person defends it then that just gets bad. I'd talk to her about it and stay calm and keep her calm, maybe you can compromise and only see her friends for a bit of the time or something.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> I think you did the right thing calling out the double standard even if it upset both of you. The reason it's so upsetting is because it's true. Double standards aren't good and when one person defends it then that just gets bad. I'd talk to her about it and stay calm and keep her calm, maybe you can compromise and only see her friends for a bit of the time or something.



she agreed that i could meet them one at a time. this is our only sticking point... i just want this to be an adult scenario, where we realize we have responsibilities to one another.. 

im not one to keep old flames around but i did distance myself from my co-worker and nothing had happened... is it so hard to say 

"hey im in a serious relationship, and if you're really the caring friend i claim you are, then for the benefit of my future husband im going to have to distance myself, dont hate me" 

i mean she's going to be physically distanced by October (hopefully).. it just tears me up a bit because i know i'd do that for her in a heart beat


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Just be calm and admit to her when you're out of line. Just apologize for how it was brought up, but let her know that it is indeed a concern and it does /did need bringing up. If she's willing to up and leave (not completely, but still) her friends behind for you, then she obviously cares what you think and will more than likely talk through it with you. 

On an unrelated note, .... yeah RI. I don't see many people online from here.


----------



## asher

Chokey Chicken said:


> Just be calm and admit to her when you're out of line. Just apologize for how it was brought up, but let her know that it is indeed a concern and it does /did need bringing up. If she's willing to up and leave (not completely, but still) her friends behind for you, then she obviously cares what you think and will more than likely talk through it with you.
> 
> On an unrelated note, .... yeah RI. I don't see many people online from here.



And also, if she is, is probably trustworthy enough to be okay anyway.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

thank you all! 

i got off the phone with her and we calmly talked it out and i said sorry and we addressed the issue. 

i told her this is a sticking point for me and i said if we want to be married its not appropriate to be close buds with someone she f-cked/had some feelings for (cuz she never was someone who slept around). 

she admitted she has kept people who shouldn't be in her life anymore around because she didn't want to shake up her friend groups (which make sense, if you come from a small high school you dont burn too many bridges). 

i said she can have this last summer and he can hang out with her provided they aren't alone. but after this its move on from the old life and into the new one. 

in return i need to bring all of this shit up sooner so it doesn't blow up that hardcore


----------



## asher

Ibanezsam4 said:


> i told this is a sticking point for me and i said if we want to be married its not appropriate to be close buds with someone she f-cked/had some feelings for (cuz she never was someone who slept around).



That is by no means a generality. Many people are totally cool with people they used to be with. Equally many are not. This is a case-by-case thing.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

asher said:


> That is by no means a generality. Many people are totally cool with people they used to be with. Equally many are not. This is a case-by-case thing.



in this case its not right because its a double standard... and he's a colossal douche


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Indeedy, some people are perfectly okay with others hanging around with a past fling. In fact, one of my best friends is someone I was romantically/physically involved with for a very long time, and my wife is cool with that. So much so that we're all in a band together. Obviously that's not how you function, and that is perfectly reasonable. If she acknowledges that, and is respectful of your feelings that's great. Unfortunately, if it's something she doesn't want to give up then she's not entirely in the wrong either. Fortunately for you, she seems to acknowledge that the guy is probably not for the best and will likely part ways with him. 

I hope it all works out for you.


----------



## asher

Chokey Chicken said:


> Indeedy, some people are perfectly okay with others hanging around with a past fling. In fact, one of my best friends is someone I was romantically/physically involved with for a very long time, and my wife is cool with that. So much so that we're all in a band together. Obviously that's not how you function, and that is perfectly reasonable. If she acknowledges that, and is respectful of your feelings that's great. Unfortunately, if it's something she doesn't want to give up then she's not entirely in the wrong either. Fortunately for you, she seems to acknowledge that the guy is probably not for the best and will likely part ways with him.
> 
> I hope it all works out for you.



Once again, saying what I was trying to get at in a much more fleshed out and better worded manner 

(also hi-five mouthbreathers. .... allergies and asthma!)


----------



## MFB

I've been doing this thing since I started losing my mind recently, and I've just been kind of cataloging (for lack of better word) my relationship with lady-friend since we first met and the ups and downs we went through over the going-on-four years we've known each other; and shit definitely got real while strolling down memory lane. This was probably the most real thing I've ever written.



> Even now, I lose my god damn mind over things like that even though they're now three-going-on-four years old and it's like, "Why, why didn't I just sack up and say it? Why didn't I say it at the game, why didn't I say it before [ex-boyfriend], why didn't I say it before I left for California, why didn't I throw it out there that at any time that at the drop of a hat, I'd be willing to give it my all for her?"



That last part just sort of found it's way onto the page and I've been sort of trembling ever since looking at them. I think this is definitely require some sort of talk.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Telling homegirl I think we should just continue being friends at lunch today. We've been friends for almost 10 years. Why does this make me so anxious?


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Konfyouzd said:


> Telling homegirl I think we should just continue being friends at lunch today. We've been friends for almost 10 years. Why does this make me so anxious?



letting people down is difficult... but doing the right thing a lot of the time is difficult


----------



## no_dice

Konfyouzd said:


> Telling homegirl I think we should just continue being friends at lunch today. We've been friends for almost 10 years. Why does this make me so anxious?



Probably because you're a good dude, and you don't like the possibility that it may upset her?


----------



## MFB

Plans tonight got rescheduled for next Friday, but it was something totally understandable and I wouldn't ask her to drop what came up. Bummed, but also super relieved because I was frettin' like fvck and wasn't sure how to juggle the night


----------



## Kidneythief

So here comes my long story, of the past 1 year...
It will be long, sorry for it, but I have to write it out...I feel just miserable...I feel like I'm in a bad movie...

What I have learned from it is, and the summary basically;
-Always think it through before moving in with somebody
-Never let your workplace affect you to extreme levels
-Always...and always let her/him (whatever you fancy) that you love them
-Be mind full though, that they realize and understand, that if you are working too much, you do it for the both of you, that you have food on the table, have a roof above your head.
-Never take anything for granted...
-Be aware, of who your significant others "friends" are
-It is true; A shoulder to cry on becomes a d*ck to ride on

Long version;
Last year April I got together with a girl I got to know from a friend. The joke here is, that I had smaller "adventures" with the girl who introduced us, but never really worked out to be honest. She somehow introduced me to a friend of hers.

We started talking, and pm-ing over facebook. Were pretty much into each other, decided to meet, and instantly clicked sort of. So bang, we become a couple. All is good all is well, except we are living apart, not too far away, but still in a different town, about 30 Minutes with train.

First 3 Months were a charm. On the weekends, and basically every time I could I went over to her place, and spent the days with her. Cooking, watching movies, going for walks, and so on, you can imagine.
She starts asking me if I want to move to her place. And that we should move together. Problem is, that because of my work, sometimes I have night shifts, or early shifts (starting 6 am). Not a good idea, but I convince her that she should move to the city where I'm living. I did this mainly because I was madly in love, and thought that I could support her this way better. She is still going to University, her parents occasionally giving her some money, and sometimes she could take some student jobs.

So in August 2013 we move in together.
Instantly come the first problems...I don't say that I'm not that much attracted to her, but somehow the passion of the things start to die out. And it's often that way, that I get home tired, and all I want to is sleep, or just have a rest. I begin to feel that I cannot satisfy her needs in some areas, which leave me insecure about myself and begin to question the relationship sometimes, but never loud in-front of her.

September; first big fights occur because of money. I'm the only one who has a job basically, she can't find any student jobs in this town. Lucky for us University is starting again, so that keeps her occupied some sort.
But more and more it becomes clear, that she isn't really able to handle money the way one would expect in this situation. Buying unnecessary stuff which we don't really need and so on.

October; moving into a new flat, because in the old one the landlord is acting like a douche.
All is well at first, but then again come the money problems. And again the problems, that I get exhausted at work, get home, and am incapable of doing anything else besides sitting down, and be glad that I survived another day.

November-December; things are getting a little bit better. Finally was able to take her to some parties too, so she doesn't feel like she is being holed up, or locked in a bird-cage. I never intended to, I always told her, that if there is a party she should go, and that I trust her. No, she doesn't want to go without me.

January-February; you could say things are okay, but there is a weird thing in the air sometimes. Again we get money problems, and off course because of that we are arguing a lot. One main reason was, that our laptops are seemingly dying, and she wants me to buy two new computers for credit. I say no, because I'm happy that I can pay for the bills, and the food around us that we have.

March; Started off well, but then in the middle of the month we get a big fight. Over money again. Sort off.
I cooked something, and served it up. I give her her plate and she says "Oh, you gave me too little on purpose. You are so cheap. Never mind I'll take some later then" Something clicks in me and I hit the table (not her don't worry). As soon as this happened a big argument/fight breaks out. I know it sounds stupid, but I wanted that the food would be enough fir the next day too. The fight leaves us cold...very cold for the next couple of days. And my birthday is coming up. On my birthday she is giving me another chance...at least that's what she said.
The new landlord calls in the meantime, that we need to move, because he wants to sell the flat...bummer. But, we could find a new flat in a relatively short time...thank god.

April; Move in the the 3rd new place. 
Again it all seems to be good again. Nice surroundings, the flat-mates are a bit weird, but we get over it, as we have our own space. There isn't as much sex as it used to be, but I'm trying not to be that tired anymore. I'm trying to "be more cool about money", and not to worry about it that much. I'm trying, oh god how I'm trying. I intend to do good this time. I want to change things, I want to spend more time with her. Listen to her more, talk to her more, snuggle, make love, everything.

She keeps talking about a guy from her classes that occasionally walks with her home. Instantly alarm bells go off, but she is telling me not to worry, as he is only a friend.

At the end of the month she goes to a university party. I sadly cannot attend, because it is for students-only. Bummer. 
Here is an additional info; before the party we made love, and after it while lying in bed she asks me if I would cheat on her. I reply with "Off course not. Sure we have some fights, and had some fights, but I would never do that"...she is silent...I ask her if she could. She says "No". And goes off to prepare for the party.
She calls me up at 4am, that she won't be sleeping at home, she will be at one of her friends. I say okay, ask if everything is okay. She says yes. Then hangs up.
Next day I have to go to work (got called in), so we only meet at night when I fall home. She is acting strange, later confesses that a guy kissed her, and her friends tried to get her and a guy together....again alarm bells.

May 2nd; we decide to watch a movie, and after the movie she starts to ask me questions, and just talks about how she doesn't feel that I love her. And how she feels her life could be more, and that she wants to party more, have more time with these friends of hers. She somehow manages to get me upset, but we don't fight, it just gets worse and worse. We go to sleep.

May 5th; I get home from work, and she isn't there, I call her up, and tells me, that she is at a friends, and that they are studying together. At 9pm I call her again where she is at, and she tells me, that they went to a party, and she is terribly sorry, but I shouldn't wait for her. I go to bed, but have an uneasy feeling.

May 6th; At work she texts me, that we need to talk. I get home, she is lying in bed, and starts to confess, that she doesn't feel that I love her anymore. And that she needs a break from our relationship. She moves over to the next room where is a guest-bed. First time I sleep alone in 9 Months. Worst feeling ever.

May 8th, she went off to a party again, and comes home with a guy. They sleep together in the room next to mine. I immediately start a scene, start throwing out her remaining clothes from my room. Yell at her and at the guy, and demand that he leaves. I'm pissed, I'm angry. Feel betrayed. She sends him away, we then have a talk. Turns out it's that guy who has been walking with her home. She tells me again he is just a friend.

In the coming days we rarely see each other, she is mostly at "friends", or goes to parties. I have to work off-course. Or I go home to my parents as I can't really be in that house anymore.

May 15th; we decide to cook something together. But she asks to do her hair first. I say okay, I go shopping in the meantime. When I get back, that "friend" is already there, and they are in her room with the door open. I get annoyed start to cook alone in the kitchen. The guy suddenly leaves, and she comes out "attacking me", that I am scaring the guy off, and that I am a snitch and an asshole, for doing this. I say I'm not doing anything just peeling my potatoes to cook dammit. She starts to yell with me, and closes the whole thing with "Dammit I love him don't you understand? And maybe I'll get together with him too. He cooks me food, he cares about me. More then you ever did. I got so much more from him" She rushes out.

May 18th; on the train going back to the flat. I get a bad feeling about everything. I barely get back to the flat, I'm exhausted and weak, collapse on the bed. They(!) come home. She barely comes in, asks if I'm okay. I tell her that I feel weak, and something is not right with me. She just smirks and says "Drink some alcohol. Maybe it helps. Goes into "her room" and locks it.
In the night I can hear how the bed moves sometimes, and that they go to the shower after each other. It is becoming all too clear what has happened there.

After that...everything is quiet, she doesn't come home for the nights, probably stays at the new guy. She is there in the middle of the day, maybe getting some stuff or I don't know.

May 24th; I can't sleep at nights ever since she told me to have a break. And off course the scenes, and the new guy who has come up...
I turn on my computer, and open facebook. First thing that pops into my face is that BAMM...they are in a relationship...but wait...it gets better. The Date they set is May 5th...one day before she told me she needs a brake.

So the question, if I should try to do something and get back with her again pretty much answered itself.
Problems though;
We still live in the same flat. In different rooms, but still the same flat. The walls are sort of thin, and god may help me if they are coming together to home again. I don't want to hear it. I just don't...I can barely take it.

I'm trying to look for flats at the moment, but there aren't many possibilities. Most of them are dumps, or rat-holes. I don't want that. Best would be if she moved to this asshole...but I don't know if that will happen. I asked her on facebook how she intends to continue in the future, because let's be just honest...this living together this way won't work out. Even if she pays her part of the rent...I can't take this situation. It is driving me mad and I'm starting to loose it slowly. 

She hasn't responded ever since...if it's true what she said she is at her parents currently, and will return on Tuesday. I really don't want that guy to be coming up with her again...but I have a feeling exactly that is going to happen.

I feel it is unfair...I took care of her as the best of my abilities would allow it. If I take the financial part that is another thing, but I'm not trying to be cheap over that matter. I knew what I was going in for, that we would be living off 1 salary (mine), but I didn't knew how that would affect us/me. And I didn't knew she doesn't realize how easily she can burn that money I work for so hard. I'm not cheap...I'm not like Scrooge from that story. It's just that I was always thinking ahead, thinking about the future, that we can always have something to eat, and a roof above our heads. Does that make me a bad person?

She wanted to go the parties, and just blast out without control. She is 23,5, and I'm already 29. I'm not too much of a party goer anyway. Never been. And I have a lifestyle where I have to work in shifts, even on weekends...but I did it all to support her, to support us.

And this is what I get...she leaves me for a collage kid who does parkour and is a cross-fit trainer. Big guy, but supposedly sensitive, and has done more for her then I ever had(?!?!?!)

I just hope she moves out, or that I can move out as quickly as possible...

(Dammit I need to write this as a book or as a script...)


----------



## flint757

She'll be in for a surprise when reality strikes her that life isn't so easy when you have to pay your own way. Doesn't sound like this guy is rolling in the dough either. My sister used to do that with her ex, with his money. He'd work 12 hour shifts 5-6 days a week and she'd blow most of it before he even had a day off. 

Sounds like she started loving someone else more so than her believing you stopped loving her. Someone to fill the supposed void. Really it is more of an excuse than anything though. What's funny is I'll bet you a million dollars the guy only wants to get in her pants and is in fact not as sensitive as she believes. Whatever you do don't take her back once he 'breaks her heart' as well. I had a bud who did exactly what this guy did back a few years ago. Didn't end well for anyone.



> May 8th, she went off to a party again, and comes home with a guy. They sleep together in the room next to mine. I immediately start a scene, start throwing out her remaining clothes from my room. Yell at her and at the guy, and demand that he leaves. I'm pissed, I'm angry. Feel betrayed. She sends him away, we then have a talk. Turns out it's that guy who has been walking with her home. She tells me again he is just a friend.



This is kind of ....ed up on her part especially sleeping with the guy when your right next door. At that point were you still paying her way? If so she is a cold bitch.


----------



## Kidneythief

flint757 said:


> She'll be in for a surprise when reality strikes her that life isn't so easy when you have to pay your own way. Doesn't sound like this guy is rolling in the dough either. My sister used to do that with her ex, with his money. He'd work 12 hour shifts 5-6 days a week and she'd blow most of it before he even had a day off.



Karma is a bitch, and I'm counting on it that she will get a big slap in the face from it and reality combined.



flint757 said:


> Sounds like she started loving someone else more so than her believing you stopped loving her. Someone to fill the supposed void. Really it is more of an excuse than anything though. What's funny is I'll bet you a million dollars the guy only wants to get in her pants and is in fact not as sensitive as she believes. Whatever you do don't take her back once he 'breaks her heart' as well. I had a bud who did exactly what this guy did back a few years ago. Didn't end well for anyone.



That is the thing that I fear the most, that I won't be able to say no to her. Everything is still so fresh, and I still feel the way I did. Okay a little bit less off course since everything came up to the surface. That this guy has been around for a couple of weeks already, and that he ways playing out his cards one-by-one.



flint757 said:


> This is kind of ....ed up on her part especially sleeping with the guy when your right next door. At that point were you still paying her way? If so she is a cold bitch.


That part enraged me the most, that I'm not saying a word, hell she told me that she'd pay for that months rent too, but I told her not too, because I know she doesn't have a lot of money. She is lucky if she gets about 100$ a month from her parents. That is barely enough for half of our rent (not counting the bills). And I was good hearted and felt like doing the right thing. And still hoping we could continue after a little break.

I know I'm not perfect...you can read it in my story, that I made mistakes too, and did some awkward stuff. But still don't feel like I deserve this kind of treatment coming from her.


----------



## MFB

Are both your names on the lease for the flat? If it's just yours and you're paying for it then it's her fvcking problem to find a new place and you reserve the right to kick her out since she can't pay for it.


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## Kidneythief

MFB said:


> Are both your names on the lease for the flat? If it's just yours and you're paying for it then it's her fvcking problem to find a new place and you reserve the right to kick her out since she can't pay for it.



Sadly both...what can I say...I was in love, and it didn't even occur to me, that this will end like this in such a short time


----------



## glassmoon0fo

I'll keep this short and very to the point. You don't deserve this kind of treatment, but YOU ALLOWED IT. The first time she brings another dick into your home, the one you're paying most of the bills on, bitch is homeless. 

I'm pissed off for you, I'm pissed that YOU weren't pissed enough to prevent this. Sit in a dark room with a pen and a pad, and ask yourself one question: what do I want? Then ask another: what are my boundaries? Figure that shit out, live it EVERY SINGLE DAY, and destroy any ............ that crosses the line, female or otherwise. And after you get yourself respect back, learn how to present yourself again like someone who's ready for a relationship.

That seems harsh, I'm sure. But allowing any of that shit to go on, to me, says you have some base-level concepts of a healthy persona that need growth. Take the time to develope them correctly, because ten years from now you'll wish you'd started today. Good luck, and much love brother.


----------



## Kidneythief

^ I agree a 100%, I was an idiot for believing this "he is just a friend" talk. I should have taken the hints, and I should have stood up for myself the first time the guy slept there. Heck I shouldn't have allowed it at all.

It will take me time to get my sh*t together again. I went down the gym the other day, just to let off steam. One thing I realized is, that even though I have music there on my phone, I have time to think. And goddamit my brain was rushing all the time. Too many things coming up.

It's getting difficult again, because I have night shift now. And already after the first day there was a lot of memories coming up. That after work I'm dead-beat, go home, shower, grab something to eat, and there she is waiting for me in bed. Smiles at me when she wakes up briefly...ah goddammit -_-


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Can't believe I'm spending my 2000th post to say this, but dude KICK HER THE .... OUT. Show up, grab your balls, and kick her out. Do you think she respects you? Do you think she doesn't have anywhere else to turn? Is her shitty penance worth of rent worth the mental anguish she's putting you through? Man, I'd MUCH rather be broke and heartbroken but free of that hell than having to come home to a smile on her face. You are NOT in love, you are infatuated, she knows it and she's using you for it. Whether you know it or not, it's grinding down your very soul, man.

Every single one of your direct male ancestors was man enough to find a mate and father a child who in turn survived to keep your lineage going, and I bet if you follow that back far enough you'd find that you are the descendant of one badass monster that wouldn't dare take this shit from anyone. Dude, the best version of yourself is a KING. BelieVe it, and start acting like it! Maybe figure out ways to get your energy up, stop fantasizing about things you want and make them happen in real life, and if you have to suffer for a while to do it, it will be the heat and hammer that folds steal into a master blade. But whatever you do, put that skank out. Get yourself together and do it tomorrow. 

I'm just a guy on the internet, wtf do I know? But I have your interest in mind way more than her. That should tell you something.


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## Kidneythief

Seems like your 2000th post won't go in vain.
And thank you for the motivational speech part.

She pm-ed me on facebook, that she will be moving out, and won't be here from Wednesday.
I messaged her earlier on Saturday, that this thing will not stand. I've been that kind, to tolerate that she will be staying in the flat, and she just walks over me, and steps into my feelings and soul over and over again. Especially by bringing up that ....er who she has been cheating with (as it turned out...most probably. But even if not she messed up.)

So it seems like things are finally taking a turn for the better.
I love Karma...I hope it will teach this b*tch a lesson later on.


----------



## Señor Voorhees

That girl is nuts. Her honeymoon phase with this guy will crash and burn too, and it'll be the same shit all over again. She sounds like she's got a lot of growing up to do, and I'm willing to bet this guy is going to shit all over her heart. Whatever you do, don't take her back when this guy kicks her to the curb. It's clear she was cheating from the get go, and she won't hesitate to do it again if it's more convenient for her.


----------



## Cabinet

Kidneythief said:


> Seems like your 2000th post won't go in vain.
> And thank you for the motivational speech part.
> 
> She pm-ed me on facebook, that she will be moving out, and won't be here from Wednesday.
> I messaged her earlier on Saturday, that this thing will not stand. I've been that kind, to tolerate that she will be staying in the flat, and she just walks over me, and steps into my feelings and soul over and over again. Especially by bringing up that ....er who she has been cheating with (as it turned out...most probably. But even if not she messed up.)
> 
> So it seems like things are finally taking a turn for the better.
> I love Karma...I hope it will teach this b*tch a lesson later on.



All in all this experience is going to help fine tune what kind of woman you actually want and how to handle stressful situations with girls. I've had to learn a lot when it comes to arguments because the woman I'm seeing will literally walk out if anyone starts to scream at her, even if the anger is justified.

I hope you take note of some things that went wrong in the relationship so you can have an understanding of what to watch out for and what mistakes to avoid. Hell, if you want, write it down in a notebook  it sucks that this had to happen because I'm sure she was a great girl at the time, and what really bugged me is how she starts making you work for her to try and get the relationship to function. Once a person is hooked on trying to improve while the other person doesn't, it becomes manipulative and the balance changes from mutual benefits to one person getting chewed out and thinking it's their fault. The girls that stick with a boyfriend despite him hitting her and treating her like trash? She was moving you into that position.

You are a guy who is careful with your money because you understand how important it actually is. That makes you mature, educated, and understanding. You are a HUGE attraction to women because you know how to provide, and you do. But now that the relationship is over and you can start healing, you can also start looking for a woman who understands the effort you put into keeping a roof over your head, and won't squander money on parties and stuff that doesn't need to be bought. You need a woman who can be honest and take responsibility for what she does and your ex girlfriend did not do that.

The only thing I'd like to point out on your end is that I think there were some communication errors that ultimately made the relationship go sour. If red flags are springing up, just ask her and tell her what you think. Trust your intuition. If you are worried, ask her if you should be worried. Let her know you are not in a good place emotionally. The "play it cool" only works on the first few dates but when things become exclusive the relationship will prosper immensely if the partners just sit down and talk it out. I would have been pissed off as hell too if I was called cheap, while working my ass off just to pay for food, but instead of sparking an argument, I would have tried my best to calmly say "We don't have a lot of money. What money I have leftover is almost all put to feeding us so we don't go to bed hungry. Please don't get upset with me, then we wind up arguing and I don't like it when we hurt each other's feelings." and you will disarm her instantly. Or not. But you will feel like you were not wrong at all, and you won't be. It's a way to maintain your emotional comfort and confidence in yourself.

Anyways that was a long post but that is a really shitty situation and I'm sorry it had to happen you. It wasn't deserved and she's going to learn she can't get by with bouncing from man to man.


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## Kidneythief

Cabinet said:


> Anyways that was a long post but that is a really shitty situation and I'm sorry it had to happen you. It wasn't deserved and she's going to learn she can't get by with bouncing from man to man.



Didn't want to quote your whole post, but I took note of them.
I'm sadly aware that there were some communication errors from my part, which could have been done or handled better.

This whole let's sit down and talk it though thing never really worked out, because most of the time she just sat down and played WoW. Hell even I played it, she got me into it (hmm...I really have to cancel the account subscription, since it's going on my card). That thing caused a huge void in our communication and everyday life, because I let it.

Ahhh...but it is finally working out, and that is what really matters.


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

So in the middle of an otherwise normal texting conversation, I got this message: 
"Hey but Jacob, we're friends, right? Just good friends " 

GOSH
FRIGGIN
DANGIT
GURL 

And my response "Sure yeah of course right yeah friends"


----------



## asher

Kidneythief said:


> This whole let's sit down and talk it though thing never really worked out, because most of the time she just sat down and played WoW.



Yeah, that doesn't really count as sitting down and talking about it


----------



## MFB

Checked with the lady friend today, plans are still on for Friday. Got my room fairly cleaned up today, just gotta do final touches tomorrow to make sure it's neat _should anything happen_. Also gotta make sure I keep the rest of the place clean too.

Luckily we picked up bud so my nerves have been relaxed all week


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Ocara-Jacob said:


> So in the middle of an otherwise normal texting conversation, I got this message:
> "Hey but Jacob, we're friends, right? Just good friends "
> 
> GOSH
> FRIGGIN
> DANGIT
> GURL
> 
> And my response "Sure yeah of course right yeah friends"



Correct response is .... NO.


----------



## Konfyouzd

How did that come up unprompted?


----------



## MFB

What do you guys think - stay in and cook, or go out for food? I mean, I can cook a mean haddock/cod/anything besides salmon plus we have a bunch of vinyls for listening to during dinner, and if she says no to seafood then we can still go out, but I'm not 100% sure on it; seems kind of ...easy, I guess? I dunno. I've been looking for good places to go for just something traditional and everything around here is either like fancy sandwiches (which are still just sandwiches) or really class food that'll break the bank.


----------



## tacotiklah

^Cook for her. I don't know why, but it's sexy as hell when a guy cooks for us.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

I second cooking yourself. On top of being able to nonchelantly show off dem skillz, it'd probably be a better dinner all around.


----------



## cwhitey2

flint757 said:


> She'll be in for a surprise when reality strikes her that life isn't so easy when you have to pay your own way.



THIS.


I'm waiting for my ex to call me so I can laugh in her face. 

My ex mooched off of me for 7 months not contributing a thing besides random vag.


----------



## Grindspine

Chokey Chicken said:


> Qft!
> 
> Also, it's a little known fact that all women love French toast and will do anything for it if made properly... Unless they're vegan, then they'll just despise you.


 
My girlfriend is vegetarian, but will still eat stuff with egg, so French toast is still a go!


----------



## glassmoon0fo

cwhitey2 said:


> THIS.
> 
> 
> I'm waiting for my ex to call me so I can laugh in her face.
> 
> My ex mooched off of me for 7 months not contributing a thing besides random vag.



Goddammit NO, you don't give a shit what she does at this point. She is past, she is anathema. If you're waiting on her to do ANYTHING, you're too invested and need to move on. I guarantee, she isn't thinking about you, and if she is it's only because she is mildly uncomfortable with you not being her toy anymore.

This entire thread is much more reactive than proactive, that's where all these problems seem to be coming from. I'm no Bill Clinton, but I also got 99 problems and you know the rest. I'm at the gym now but later today I have some base level paradigm to submit for everyone's perusal that pretty much fix ALL of this stuff for me. I don't need any approval or any ego boosting, I just hate seeing young guys strung out over girls that been playing the same shit games since middle school because chumps keep falling for them.


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## Kidneythief

glassmoon0fo said:


> If you're waiting on her to do ANYTHING, you're too invested and need to move on. I guarantee, she isn't thinking about you, and if she is it's only because she is mildly uncomfortable with you not being her toy anymore.



This....had a pretty easy night yesterday at work and had some chance to think some stuff through. I'm still infatuated to some point, but the more and more days go by...no level of communication, and when they where here the act that she was pulling. It became more and more clear that I'm lucky enough, that sh*t has gone down now, instead of later on.

I hit the gym twice since then, even went on to ask about a local archery club what the conditions are to join up. And a buddy and mine are starting to plan a trip to Sweden...gonna be epic metal.

I'm trying to not waste any more time "sobbing" like a little boy that has been hurt. Sure I'm hurt, sure it hurts, but if I waste my time on this, I might end up missing out on other things.

weird story; I managed to get a "girls attention" the other night while waiting for my bus. She was busy running, and had a very long white shirt on. I smiled at her cause she was cute and all...
So I get on the bus, it starts to move, after a couple of meters we pass the running girl that is coming back on her route. She spots me on the bus, and lifts her shirt showing off her running shorts and is yelling something at me. I'm like WTF...and waved


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

There was a girl from my college I was talking about a few pages back, saying how I found out she liked me and stuff. She came over to my house today. She was here for ~5 hours. We watched Monsters University and cuddled and made out a lot. Like, _a lot_. Which is awesome since the last time I even kissed a girl was like 3-4 months ago.

I don't know what's gonna happen but I'm very happy right now


----------



## Obsidian Soul

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> There was a girl from my college I was talking about a few pages back, saying how I found out she liked me and stuff. She came over to my house today. She was here for ~5 hours. We watched Monsters University and cuddled and made out a lot. Like, _a lot_. Which is awesome since the last time I even kissed a girl was like 3-4 months ago.
> 
> I don't know what's gonna happen but I'm very happy right now


You know...Time to get your .... wet,boy haha.Good luck


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Obsidian Soul said:


> You know...Time to get your .... wet,boy haha.Good luck



In my defense, it was the first time we did anything physical, and my stepdad was home the whole time.

Don't worry, old sport, it's going to happen.


----------



## asher

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> In my defense, it was the first time we did anything physical, and my stepdad was home the whole time.
> 
> Don't worry, old sport, it's going to happen.



No need to rush things man 



Kidneythief said:


> So I get on the bus, it starts to move, after a couple of meters we pass the running girl that is coming back on her route. She spots me on the bus, and lifts her shirt showing off her running shorts and is yelling something at me. I'm like WTF...and waved



"I'M WEARING SHORTS YOU PERV!!"


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

asher said:


> No need to rush things man



Haha, don't worry, I won't. Although she'll be gone for nearly the whole second half of summer in another state until college starts again.


----------



## asher

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Haha, don't worry, I won't. Although she'll be gone for nearly the whole second half of summer in another state until college starts again.



Bummer.

Though that does mean that if it stays a thing over that break, you guys are going to .... like rabbits when she gets back.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

asher said:


> Bummer.
> 
> Though that does mean that if it stays a thing over that break, you guys are going to .... like rabbits when she gets back.



Ohhh yep. She lives in my hall haha, it will not be hard. It'll also be a useful asset for me to use to save my roommates when we inevitably do something where a normal RA would bust us.


----------



## Kidneythief

asher said:


> "I'M WEARING SHORTS YOU PERV!!"


Awww... (´&#65381;&#969;&#65381;`)


----------



## Konfyouzd

I don't think it's as easy for women to friend zone a male friend as it may come across. The friend I started dating recently (you know--the one that used to date my homeboy), I finally broke things off with her tonight and told her that it's better that we stay friends. It wasn't an easy thing to do at all despite having been friends for so long. 

It was peaceful and we had a very long and overall good conversation afterwards but I still feel bad to an extent because I know she was hurt by it. I feel better for letting her know how I feel but at the same time I still feel kinda shitty. Double edged sword for sure. 

But now that the shoe has finally switched feet, it seems invariably less rational to be bitter about the fact that someone else doesn't feel the same way. It should be obvious but it's something to which I've been quite oblivious in the past and I also sometimes see posts in here that have a bitter after taste when speaking of the dreaded "friend zone". 

That said I also feel far less guilty about spending so much time with the phlebotomist. Spending time with her makes me genuinely happy but it kind of seems to be less pressure since we aren't sleeping together. She's actually the only person with whom I've even attempted to take it slow. I'm sure the fact that her 10 year old son is around a lot facilitates some of the taking it slow but he's a cool kid and the situation is overall very nice. 

Happiness... I think I'm getting closer to finding it (as it pertains to romantic relationships; I'm otherwise fine regardless).


----------



## MFB

So date night is here and I, am sick. But alas, I'm still pushing on because fvck that, I'm not delaying this anymore


----------



## Konfyouzd

Get it son!


----------



## vilk

So, I finally moved back to USA last week. And I have been pretty constantly texting with my ex girlfriend from high school. Not only is she wayy hotter than she was when I used to date her, but she also seems more chilled out and nicer.

And I have a date with her tonight.

Anyone ever re-date someone? Bad idea? I mean it has been like 6 years people change right?

Either way, I haven't been this nervous for a date in a dog'a age. Imma puke. And I don't even know which pub we should go to. I always go to the same one but all my friends will be there watching the Blackhawks.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Nerves can be interpreted as either fear or excitement, and it's all based on your mindset. Choose to be excited. And I'd go to that bar, your friends will probably hook you up with approval, which she'll subconsciously see as an indicator that you don't suck (that's called social proofing, use it and notice it everywhere!) and it'll put you at ease. She prolly already knows you decently well, so no need to put on a show, but it's always a good idea to let her catch you at your best.


----------



## vilk

Went ok! We made out, so I call it a success!


But she was even cooler and prettier than I remembered. I think it's weird to be so into a girl even though I'm only two weeks out of a 3 year relationship, and it's extra complicated because it's a girl I already dated so we're already comfortable with each other...

Typing it out loud makes it clear that I shouldn't be doing this, but it feels so right!


----------



## BlackMastodon

vilk said:


> Typing it out loud makes it clear that I shouldn't be doing this, but it feels so right!


Not necessarily. Things might be a lot better the second time around. Both of you probably (hopefully ) matured a lot in the past 6 years. Either way, good luck with it broski.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

vilk said:


> Went ok! We made out, so I call it a success!
> 
> 
> But she was even cooler and prettier than I remembered. I think it's weird to be so into a girl even though I'm only two weeks out of a 3 year relationship, and it's extra complicated because it's a girl I already dated so we're already comfortable with each other...
> 
> Typing it out loud makes it clear that I shouldn't be doing this, but it feels so right!



If you're happy, there's no reason not to do it. If you start becoming unhappy, that's when you call it quits. Pretty simple!


And Konfyouzd, more times than not, women don't intentionally friend zone. Friend zoning is usually misinterpreted signals. A guy tries to flirt by doing friendly thing and the girl mistakes it as the guy just being a friend doing friend stuff. It's sort of different from giving someone a shot and then realizing you don't work as a couple but want to stay friends. In this case, your intents are clear, it has been stated that you have no interest for more than friendship. In the case of "friend zoning" the guy keeps thinking the girl is shrugging off his flirtatious advances, when in actuality she just doesn't know!

This is all assuming the girl isn't a manipulative ass who outright knows and uses that to their advantage. I've known a couple of those. Dated one, and dumped her cuz she was leading guys on while still with me. 

Long story short, if you like a girl (or guy) just tell them. If he/she refuses, don't keep pressuring them, their intentions are clear. Playing the guessing game with romance ....ing blows.


----------



## Konfyouzd

By your definition friend zoning is trivial for me. There are a few female friends I know were into me in the past and when they made passes I just find ways to change the subject.


----------



## MFB

Alright, so now that I'm awake and like, coherent, here's what went down. 

I didn't say anything, BUT it's for a good reason.

We were talking and hanging out, and she was going a mile a minute to a level that I was just like, "What in the .... is going on" jumping from one thing to another etc... I'm the exact opposite of that, that unless I need to tell a story for another to make sense, I have a train of thought and follow it. I also can't just throw random things out and act like I didn't say them, I have a filter. So there was that for starters, and the other was the fact that through the night she was snap-chatting the whole time which is just annoying as shit and I would lose it immediately and it'd come down to either me or the app. Like, she wasn't sending different things, it was always the same photo every time but it was just, constant iPhone. We also have very different taste in shows/music, which I didn't realize. She's apparently obsessed with country, which I find to be some of the most bland, over-produced garbage at the moment but I'm fine with older like, 90's country because that's what I grew up on so if it's a choice then that gets my vote. Meanwhile, I like classical - she despises it. Metal - despises it. Etc...

It's a nice thought to think we could've been together, but it would've worked better before in 2010/11 when we were different because I know the type of person I am now; and that would just exhaust me to keep up with so it's not worth the hassle.


----------



## tacotiklah

Getting ready to pick up my gf and head to pride. She's going to do a "coming out" ceremony and then run into my arms. 

Best. Day. Ever.


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

Kidneythief said:


> Awww... (´&#65381;&#969;&#65381;`)



Oh no XD I hadn't thought about that story in months. Thanks man XD the memories. Oh the memories.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

Kidneythief said:


> Awww... (´&#65381;&#969;&#65381;`)


----------



## AndruwX

I just came from my ban. Those were 15 long days. Anyways.
I think I'm starting to become obsessed with my girlfriend in a strange way.

I'm a very sacrificed person, I'll do anything for someone I love, sadly, I don't feel the same from her part and that makes me mad, I love her truly, but sometimes I hate her, really.
I'm trying to calm down some times, I try to think that maybe I love her "too much" that I am in an dangerous points where I will damage my relationship.

I'm pretty sad all about this.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Getting kills wanting.

We're told that sacrificing for others is noble from the time we can watch a Disney movie, but all it communicates when you break your back continuously for someone who doesn't give back, is that they can expect it from you and that you are expendable. It may be too late to change the game and keep her respect, but I suggest you try being progressively more assertive. always think, "what do I want?" And if her wants directly bump with yours, offer a compromise. If she doesn't want to compromise, tell her to .... off. There is a positive side to the word "selfish", explore it.

Women want MEN, but in ones absence they'll except a toy to play with until one comes along.


----------



## icos211

When she sends a heart with an otherwise innocuous text message.







Girls are dumb.


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

^ I know that feel. The girl that friendzoned me has been texting me constantly. Holy crap I can't.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

If you want to be more than friends, and she just wants to be friends, cut ties with her. There is zero reason to stick around unless you're comfortable being just friends. In which case, treat her constant texting as a friend who talks a lot. I have plenty of non-romantic interests who text me constantly. It ain't no thang.

As for hearts in texts that are unrelated to romance, it can be seen as saying something in a good mood. Hardly stupid, even if a little out of the ordinary. Can easily be used to let someone know that they weren't saying something in a dickish manner.

Girls aren't stupid. Reading too much or too little into something is stupid.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

A smiley would perhaps be the right thing in that case.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Different strokes for different folks. People develop different personalities and quirks. Some people dot their "i's", some dot them with circles or hearts. Some people abuse the shit out of smileys and those people irritate the crap out of me. Labeling an entire gender dumb because you can't comprehend what a heart might mean might be a good indicator of why someone might be alone. To break it down for the slow thinkers, if they include a heart in a text that has no romantic undertones, then it likely means nothing and is just something that person likes to do. Weird or not, if that bothers someone then they should probably cut communication with the offender.

Edit: also, in my experience, males are more inclined to misunderstand just about everything. Just because I laugh at your jokes or smile, irl or through text, does not mean I'm interested in you romantically. In my experience, women are by far much less dumb when it comes to romance. (That's not to say there aren't some cooky bitches out there though.)


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I know that this past semester I dealt with a girl who gave so many mixed signals I just gave up on pursuing her. She told my best friend that she liked me a lot, but her life was too complicated right now to see me, or something. But then she took that back. Then we hung out and nothing happened other than talking. Then she acted like she liked me. Then on my birthday we hung out and I kissed her and later she texted me saying she couldn't be anything more than a friend with me. Then she'd repeatedly send me texts/snapchats of something related to a relationship and she'd say "hey look that thing I'll never have" like wtf seriously?
Sometimes I would either brush her off by texting/snapchatting her saying I'm with my friends, but once she absolutely flipped s..t on me because I sent her a snap of a platonic female friend and I smiling and playing pool. She called my friend "my new f... buddy girlfriend" and she said she gets "so jealous she nearly gets sick" when she sees/hears about me with someone else. But she won't be with me, but she's allowed to freak out when I see or even platonically hang out with a girl? Funny enough, that same night I ended up hooking up with the girl friend of mine she insulted (we decided to remain friends, it was just having a casual night, so glad nothing awkward happened)

Oh yeah, and apparently she was hooking up with a 31 year old the entire time she was leading me on. She was 21 at the time. I don't know who to feel more disgusted towards, her or the guy.

Point is, sometimes girls don't know what they want, so they occupy their time screwing around with guys, playing with them like toys while they decide if they actually want them or not. Then when the guy realizes that they're a total bitch, they act as if they've been genuine the entire time, yeah right.

That seems to be the only real thing that hasn't changed since high school.


----------



## asher

I actually think she knew exactly what she wanted there, and as long as she was getting your attention she had it.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Remember how I said there's some cooky bitches? She's one of them, and it sounds like you dodged a bullet. More likely than not, she knows exactly what she wants. I'm not entirely sure what that is, but it obviously included your attention. Someone who acts like that would have quickly found their way outside of my friendship circle.

All you can do is express interest and let them know you like them. If they go along with it, congratulations, you're no longer single. If for any reason they decline, you let them know that's cool and that you'll pursue other women and leave her alone. If she gets uppity about that, you remind her that you are not in a relationship together. If she gives you grief about that, stop talking to them altogether. That's it. Grown up, decent people don't play games with this shit. If somebody is playing games, they're not worth the trouble and are just toxic.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Chokey Chicken said:


> If you want to be more than friends, and she just wants to be friends, cut ties with her. There is zero reason to stick around unless you're comfortable being just friends. In which case, treat her constant texting as a friend who talks a lot. I have plenty of non-romantic interests who text me constantly. It ain't no thang.
> 
> As for hearts in texts that are unrelated to romance, it can be seen as saying something in a good mood. Hardly stupid, even if a little out of the ordinary. Can easily be used to let someone know that they weren't saying something in a dickish manner.
> 
> Girls aren't stupid. Reading too much or too little into something is stupid.


Yuuuuuup. If she wants to be just friends and texts you a lot... She's a friend who texts a lot


----------



## Kidneythief

Oh man...I think I'm at that point where every little small gesture, or kindness throws me off-guard and I begin to imagine too much.
A girl who just started working at my workplace has been getting friendly with me in the past couple days. Chatting and writing on me on facebook, and generally very friendly when we are at the office. And kind of flirty I would say...weird...I don't really believe that she would be into me, so I guess my mind is just playing tricks.

The infatuation thing about my ex is slowly fading. Would be much easier if her stuff would finally be gone from the flat...I tried writing her and even calling her when she will get that stuff away, but she is ignoring me and not picking up. So f*ck knows...I'm getting tempted to just throw everything out, but I'm trying to be an adult here. At least one of us should if she is handling the whole thing like a spoiled b*tch and trying to get swings at me with every opportunity she has -_-


----------



## Chokey Chicken

I say tell her to get her shit out by a given time (usually 30 days notice is what something like that takes) and if it isn't gone by then, throw it away. You might want to make sure that's legal before doing it though. Or just find a closet and cram all the shit in it out of sight. Out of sight really does help keep it out of mind, and I think you at least need that.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Put it in a box and leave it some place she'll run across it. She's leaving herself an out for later, hell no son.

As far as taking signs from women too heavily, I honestly think you'd do well to make it a point to be alone for a while bro. After how the last girl got you twisted, do you think you're ready to be the leader in a relationship with a good woman right now? I was in your shoes last year, and now that I'm past it I can honestly say that I think I was hoping the next woman would come along and "fix" all the wrong done to me by the last one. I can tell you, that shit ain't happening. Women don't want a fixerupper, they want a strong, secure guy, so if I were you I'd take some time away from them till you feel like your priorities are back in line. Make your life so awesome and fun to live that you don't have time for a girlfriend, THATS when you'll be ready again. IMO of course.


----------



## cwhitey2

A couple pages back I had mentioned that I wanted to bang my best friend (well i still do  ) so i sent her this to see how she would react:







The only response I got was that I'm her "best" friend.... 


but anyways...this past Friday was her birthday. She invited me and my other friend over...no one else  we got all kinds of wasted. Her and I ended up sitting on a swing by a fire for 3 hour alone (cause my friend passed out inside)...all she did was complain about men and chit chat about relationships. We ended up talking about marriage and stuff and she brought up how she wanted to marry her "best" friend....in my head I'm like 'well im your best friend...or am i " (i would marry her in a min even though shes beyond cray cray). I said I wanted the same thing yada yada...conversation continues about random crap.

All i do is listen to her bitch about guys and relationsships, and after all the intel I have gathered I just want to scream "open your eyes I'm right in front of you" at her.

I guess im just the most confused motherfacker there is when it comes to relationships.

I dont know if I should even really talk to her anymore. what you guys do in my situation?


----------



## Kidneythief

Agreed, and I swear she is also doing it on purpose to irritate me.

Although we could speak once (my ex still), and there she was "crying", that her "new boyfriend" won't come help her, because he is busy and what not. I nodded, said "Well that is sad to hear", and went on doing my business. Guess he is not so reliable and sacrificing after all...I love Karma...
**
Yes, those fixers are not always the best answers. Now that I think about it; my ex might have been one of those, because I had gotten too emotionally involved in an adventure prior 2 months before her. Although I felt like I was ready. Holly hell... 

I'm trying to shift my focus, and do more "me-time". Depending on my work shifts off course and other obligations (going on a wedding this weekend woohoo, fancy castle and everything).


----------



## Cabinet

Well, don't expect her to do anything akin to what you want her to do. She has no obligation to do anything for you, at all.

You have an agenda. You want in her pants but have not made any sort of movement to show her you are sexually attracted. What are you doing is trying to be supportive and expecting her to see you as a romantic possibility in turn and that is exactly how NOT to date a woman.

If you want to bang her, she needs to know it from you. Flirt with her, make her feel special. Text her one night, ask what she's wearing. If she flirts back, be sensual and passionate. Talk about pressing your foreheads together and feeling her breath on your lips. Tell her you want to feel her back arch when your hips thrust against each other (and if she enjoys it, flirting with sensuality will arouse her far more than 90% of the guys out there ).

The most important thing for your mental health and the health of your friendship is to be transparent. That is, tell her how you feel. Tell her where you'd like the friendship to go. It shows you are honest and comfortable being vulnerable with her. If she doesn't want to date you, you can either continue being just friends, or split the friendship. You don't have to be a part of anything you don't want to.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

cwhitey2 said:


> A couple pages back I had mentioned that I wanted to bang my best friend (well i still do  ) so i sent her this to see how she would react:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The only response I got was that I'm her "best" friend....
> 
> 
> but anyways...this past Friday was her birthday. She invited me and my other friend over...no one else  we got all kinds of wasted. Her and I ended up sitting on a swing by a fire for 3 hour alone (cause my friend passed out inside)...all she did was complain about men and chit chat about relationships. We ended up talking about marriage and stuff and she brought up how she wanted to marry her "best" friend....in my head I'm like 'well im your best friend...or am i " (i would marry her in a min even though shes beyond cray cray). I said I wanted the same thing yada yada...conversation continues about random crap.
> 
> All i do is listen to her bitch about guys and relationsships, and after all the intel I have gathered I just want to scream "open your eyes I'm right in front of you" at her.
> 
> I guess im just the most confused motherfacker there is when it comes to relationships.
> 
> I dont know if I should even really talk to her anymore. what you guys do in my situation?


I don't think she see's you as a BF (which is fine, there's nothing wrong with that), the only way I can see you getting a definitive answer is if you just tell her how you feel. If she she does want to date you great, if she just see's you as her best friend that's great too in that case you both have a shoulder to cry on. 

The last part of comment alarms me though, if you're just being her friend in the hopes of getting into her pants then I think you're being her friend for the wrong reasons. It's ok being a nice guy but being a nice guy for the sake of getting something in return is not only naive but selfish. 

If you are genuinely her friend then disregard my last paragraph but if you're not you need to completely rethink how you interact and coexist with women.


----------



## cwhitey2

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> I don't think she see's you as a BF (which is fine, there's nothing wrong with that), the only way I can see you getting a definitive answer is if you just tell her how you feel. If she she does want to date you great, if she just see's you as her best friend that's great too in that case you both have a shoulder to cry on.



I have hinted to it but I don't want to ruin our friendship 



And I'm a man! I don't cry!


----------



## asher

Could be she was trying to lay that out to see if you'd do anything with it, but I have no way of telling if that's at all accurate


----------



## cwhitey2

asher said:


> Could be she was trying to lay that out to see if you'd do anything with it, but I have no way of telling if that's at all accurate



I have no way of telling either! I'm an idiot!


----------



## Chokey Chicken

There's only one thing you can do, and it goes a little like this: "So, lady friend... It's totally cool if you don't feel the same way n' shit, but I kinda "like" you like you. Is it possible you feel the same way, or should we just stay friends. Either way is cool, but I just felt like getting that out there."

It sort of sounds like she might be into you, but I'm not there to see how she's acting personally so you may have colored the story a little bit. (most people tend to, whether or not they know it.) If she's a cool friend, she'll let you down nicely and you guys just pretend it never happened. Don't pressure her or anything. It can either go well, or go indifferently. I doubt it'd .... things up between you.

The short of it being, tell her how you feel. 10 to 1 it won't go poorly even if she denies.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Solid advice from Cabinet up there, I'd like to add a little of my own to that. Do you want to be her friend? Do you want to be her emotional tampon? Do you want to be her lover? choose one and act accordingly, and not just act, BE. If she's sitting outside on a swing with you for hours, you're either a potential lover or her girlfriend, and it sounds to me you're acting more like her girlfriend at the moment (I know I sound like an asshole every time I post about women, but this stuff needs to be hammered home). 

It may be in your best interest to change the game on her immediately. Do a *little *suggestive text and talk like Cabinet said, just to check her temperature and see how she reacts. If she plays along, you're game on. If not, all isn't lost yet. She'll probably want to keep you around for validation because you're just SUCH a good guy, in which case you immediately go out and game other women. Lots of women. Get good at it. Ask her for advice, hell that's what she's doing to you anyway. If there's any chance that she wants you, she'll make it apparent as soon as you have another girl chasing for your attention. That's just how that works man, women have to believe that they EARNED you, so keep that in mind no matter which way you go, and make her EARN your attention all the way up until the post-nut-blasted mental haze wears off. At which point you ask her if she would like a beer or something 

EDIT: btw, I do NOT endorse the direct approach when it comes to seduction, as mentioned above. Women typically want to feel like it "just happened", not that they just agreed to start hooking up with someone. That trip's their slut button and you'll usually get turned down if you just straight up ask. Then again, I typically deal with women who know they have options, and have a lot of experience with men. If this girl is quiet or inexperienced, sure why not. But it's a general rule of thumb, no woman wants to be part and partial to their own seduction.


----------



## UnderTheSign

cwhitey2 said:


> All i do is listen to her bitch about guys and relationsships, and after all the intel I have gathered I just want to scream "open your eyes I'm right in front of you" at her.


Maybe you should.

You can't expect her to just notice you being nice to her and you don't know what she meant with the response to your text. That's the very essence of Nice Guy (TM) 



cwhitey2 said:


> I have hinted to it but I don't want to ruin our friendship
> 
> 
> 
> And I'm a man! I don't cry!


Crying is ....ing liberating, man. Real men aren't afraid to show some emotion! LET THEM TEARS FLOW


----------



## Kidneythief

Real men don't cry, we sweat trough our eyes anyway...

So I came home from work, and most of her stuff is gone. Wrote me back on fb saying that tomorrow they will finish it up, she is leaving some stuff behind, but I don't mind they don't really hold any sentimental value.

She wants to sell me her microwave oven...haha...I guess she needs the money. And I need an oven...dammit.


----------



## asher

Kidneythief said:


> Real men don't cry, we sweat trough our eyes anyway...
> 
> So I came home from work, and most of her stuff is gone. Wrote me back on fb saying that tomorrow they will finish it up, she is leaving some stuff behind, but I don't mind they don't really hold any sentimental value.
> 
> She wants to sell me her microwave oven...haha...I guess she needs the money. And I need an oven...dammit.



As long as you can separate lady from microwave, no different than a financially challenged roommate leaving.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Finally... Bitches in my life have ceased to trip. 

... For now


----------



## Kidneythief

Well it is just a microwave, it's not like I look at it and memories start to come back  That would be an all-time low point


----------



## cwhitey2

Tonight was epic fail.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

What'd you do


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash




----------



## cwhitey2

I was going hangout with my friend and tell her how I feel. 

She asked if I wanted to go for drinks...but she failed to mention she was bring some D bag with her. I get there and I'm like reallly...you think I'm just gonna be a third wheel...which she responded with "its not like that"...then what is it like?  Then she said something about not making _her mad_. I almost laughed in her face. I finally had the balls to tell her how I feel...and then i was feeling blocked by a wiener...

I think I'm just going to cut ties with her.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Or you could wait until you have her alone before spilling them beans. It's not really worth stressing out about. Though if you can't handle her having other male friends, maybe your plan to cut ties is for the best.

She had no damn clue of your intents, so getting upset with her is super counter productive.


----------



## Kidneythief

Or maybe it's all mind-games and wanted to see how you would react 

But agreed, I would have waited for some "alone time" to tell her my feelings.


----------



## asher

Been there. You're frustrated or pissed off or hurt because you're disappointed and didn't get your one-on-one window. That's totally valid, but it's not her fault unless you made this clear and she did it in spite of that. In other situations I would say to take note of what this says you actually want, but I think you know well enough right now  But taking that out on her here is unfair.


----------



## cwhitey2

Well I didn't say anything to her and I though we were going to be alone.

I'm not taking it out on her..a little notice would have been nice though. I don't invite people to hangout and fail to mention I'm bring someone other then me. Maybe I'm over reacting (at least in my head...its usually my worst enemy).

I'm just gonna give her the silent treatment and see how that goes...she'll be oblivious as to why, but my motto is "No ....s given"


----------



## no_dice

I think she should have given some kind of heads up that she was bringing someone else. Even in a strictly friends situation, maybe you just don't want to deal with anyone else, and you should at least be aware someone else is coming.

Whether or not she was deliberately testing you isn't really important. What is important is to not get caught up in games. Just tell her how you feel and get it over with. In my opinion, holding shit back because you don't want to ruin the friendship is worse than just putting it out there, because it eats at your mind and affects your behavior and interactions.

I know you care about this girl, but there are a whole lot of people in this world. You can still find a good one if this doesn't work out.


----------



## Grindspine

Going out for drinks is a social thing; don't ever assume that means alone time.


----------



## asher

cwhitey2 said:


> I'm not taking it out on her



Yes you are.



> I'm just gonna give her the silent treatment


----------



## cwhitey2

Very good advice guys, thanks!


And @Asher  That's is true, but I'm doing that more for myself then anything.


----------



## asher

cwhitey2 said:


> Very good advice guys, thanks!
> 
> 
> And @Asher  That's is true, but I'm doing that more for myself then anything.



There's a big difference between "I need some space right now, so I'm not talking to her" and "I'm giving her the silent treatment".


----------



## Obsidian Soul

cwhitey2 said:


> Well I didn't say anything to her and I though we were going to be alone.
> 
> I'm not taking it out on her..a little notice would have been nice though. I don't invite people to hangout and fail to mention I'm bring someone other then me. Maybe I'm over reacting (at least in my head...its usually my worst enemy).
> 
> I'm just gonna give her the silent treatment and see how that goes...she'll be oblivious as to why, but my motto is "No ....s given"


I think you should look elsewhere for now and go with the flow in terms of your friendship.It'd be easier to project yourself to someone that has no impression of you than to reinvent yourself to someone that has known you for quite some time.

In other news,the female I drew and I have dissolved contact with each other.Maybe I was too slow or whatever other reason,so she just decided to quit communicating with me.I will be graduating and going to college very soon,so I have yet another chance to make good impressions on the people there.A lot of my peers there are like me(shy and reserved),which is a good and bad characteristic. All of the people I know that are like me are good down to earth people that do not cause problems nor wants any trouble.However,on the relationship aspect,everything could become infinitely harder and awkward since two shy people won't want to confront one another and our minds would be too critical and anxious to hold a steady conversation.


----------



## flint757

Don't create problems where they don't exist yet. You're only going to make it that much harder for no reason at all.


----------



## cwhitey2

Damn you Asher and your wisdom!


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Goddammit DONT SPILL YOUR FEELINGS to this chick. She's either testing you or she already knows and doesn't care. What do you think is going to happen? It's gonna be all "a walk to remember" when you tell her you want her? Show of hands, anybody in here ever be just extremely nice and chase a girl all over the place, and she chooses you over the guy who doesn't need her? How many people has that worked for? If a girl has a choice between two men, she will 9/10 go with the one who is less jealous. Personally, I think you're already out of the race, but you can at least save face, and MAYBE get her interest back, if you go out and game other women. If you commit to it, it'll at the very least help you get over her.

Public Service Announcement: everybody here, check out "the 77 laws" by David Deangelo. It's some great and seriously potent advice on your paradigm about how to deal with the world, not just women. First rule is, accept everything the way it is, not the way you want it to be. And the way it is, is that attraction is not a choice. You cant rationalize a girl into feeling something for you, you have to make it happen. Women read between the lines far better than men, and when you go off telling her that she's already got you, what reason will she have to earn you? Guys want women as like a prize, and so do women, the DIFFERENCE is that men look at women as scarce, and women look at men as overwhelmingly abundant, so you have to be the one that is the prize, or she'll jerk you around until she finds a guy that challenges her, and what do you think happens next?

Seriously, go get "the 77 laws" and follow it up with "on being a man". David Deangelo. Best advice I ever got, and it carries over to all facets of life. All this stuff is obvious to me, and I used to be beta as .....


----------



## asher

Can we leaving the sweeping generalizations of what EVERYONE wants (that are factually incorrect) and the alpha/beta stuff out please? It's noise to a couple actually useful lines in there.


----------



## no_dice

glassmoon0fo said:


> Goddammit DONT SPILL YOUR FEELINGS to this chick. She's either testing you or she already knows and doesn't care. What do you think is going to happen? It's gonna be all "a walk to remember" when you tell her you want her? Show of hands, anybody in here ever be just extremely nice and chase a girl all over the place, and she chooses you over the guy who doesn't need her? How many people has that worked for? If a girl has a choice between two men, she will 9/10 go with the one who is less jealous. Personally, I think you're already out of the race, but you can at least save face, and MAYBE get her interest back, if you go out and game other women. If you commit to it, it'll at the very least help you get over her.
> 
> Public Service Announcement: everybody here, check out "the 77 laws" by David Deangelo. It's some great and seriously potent advice on your paradigm about how to deal with the world, not just women. First rule is, accept everything the way it is, not the way you want it to be. And the way it is, is that attraction is not a choice. You cant rationalize a girl into feeling something for you, you have to make it happen. Women read between the lines far better than men, and when you go off telling her that she's already got you, what reason will she have to earn you? Guys want women as like a prize, and so do women, the DIFFERENCE is that men look at women as scarce, and women look at men as overwhelmingly abundant, so you have to be the one that is the prize, or she'll jerk you around until she finds a guy that challenges her, and what do you think happens next?
> 
> Seriously, go get "the 77 laws" and follow it up with "on being a man". David Deangelo. Best advice I ever got, and it carries over to all facets of life. All this stuff is obvious to me, and I used to be beta as .....



I'm glad that all worked out for you, but I can say, as a happily married dude who is ugly as shit, that you don't have to play games to get a decent girl. 

All you have to do is be honest, to them and to yourself, and know when to say, this is the bus stop, you can get on if you like, and if not, whatever, the bus keeps rolling. I've seen too many friends beat themselves up over girls that were just playing games with them.


----------



## UnderTheSign

dailyhustle.com/david-deangelos-77-laws-of-success/

Some of it makes sense but a whole lot of it sounds like a guide to being full of yourself. "If a woman doesn't want you, it's her loss, not yours", " No woman is special or has some specific high status. Your status is higher. She will be privileged to have you in her life and I can provide more to her than she can ever to me.", "Stop apoligizing". Lots of PUA nonsense on his website too.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

That BS is exactly the type of games that worthwhile people don't play.

It's simple, and I've already said it a thousand times. Tell someone how you feel. They'll either accept it and you can have a relationship, or they'll deny you and you move on. None of this "playing hard to get, try to impress someone by being someone you're not" bull shit.

I stand by my original words. Let her know you like her and see if she likes you. Don't assume anything. Don't invest all of your happiness on whether or not she likes you back and you're good as gold.

Pro-tip, if you're being friendly and doing nice things with no actual romantic subtext, then you're doing things a friend would do, thus you're seen as a friend. You want someone to know you have a romantic interest, tell them. Either through flirting or outright telling them. Don't question why the girl isn't "getting your hints" when your "hints" are nothing more than you being a friend. (Or faking being a friend, as it were.)

There is literally no secret to romance. Either someone is interested or they're not. Why they may or may not be interested can be many reasons, but you only know for sure if you ask. A partner is only a "prize" when someone is shallow. If the only reason you're pursuing someone is to make other people feel like they didn't get the first place trophy, then there is something wrong with you.


----------



## MFB

Gotta say, after having that whirlwind of events with talking to someone, thinking there's something, the delaying of getting together, the ACTUAL getting together and then getting over it; life is sort of ...boring now? Like, I know it's my own fault for putting her on a pedestal and thinking that things were going to be different from that day on, but it's just like, "Well now what?" and there's this weird hanging in the air.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

no_dice said:


> I'm glad that all worked out for you, but I can say, as a happily married dude who is ugly as shit, that you don't have to play games to get a decent girl.
> 
> All you have to do is be honest, to them and to yourself, and know when to say, this is the bus stop, you can get on if you like, and if not, whatever, the bus keeps rolling. I've seen too many friends beat themselves up over girls that were just playing games with them.


 
We totally agree on that, maybe I just need to work on my tact. If you aren't asking yourself, "what do I want?", they you are indeed being manipulative, but that's why I think it's important to shift your point of view to one of high status and high self-worth, or the things you want will come from a base persona of what? There are women out there that will love a man with low self value, but most guys don't want those women. 

I don't consider any of this stuff "games", as a matter of fact, I picked up using the term game from god knows where and don't like it, I think it pops up because in my head there are no genderless conversations. As far as the reference to PUA stuff, I don't subscribe to the full of yourself bs, but I do subscribe to a sense of value that I didn't learn from doing what my mom told me to do to be a gentleman. And lastly, if we're talking about terms I used (game, alpha, beta) rather than the information I provided, that's worth mentioning. I could change the terminology, but the info remains the same, and that's something I'm not used to. It's like making steak illegal because a baby cant chew it or something, so put that aside if it's not your cup of tea.

Anytime I speak on these boards, I speak from field tested experience. I wont regurgitate a bunch of stuff that I have found to be untrue to increase my e-peener, but I will tell some of you guys what I think you need to hear, the way I needed to hear it not too long ago. There is this radical idea that "women are people too", and I can tell you one thing, no matter what I've heard, or what people want to think about themselves, I find that the things that motivate us at our deepest levels of operation are more or less the same. You may catch me making what looks like a sweeping generalization, but ask yourself: Is he right? I make it my business to be right as much as possible, and when it's found that I'm wrong I adjust. Not a lot of people are into that kind of scientific approach and I'm ok with that, but if someone is asking for advice and I have a viable solution, why wouldn't I try to help. Sugarcoating not included. 

But hey, I'm just some guy on the internet, what do I know. At the end of the day, you can do whatever you think you want to do.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

MFB said:


> Gotta say, after having that whirlwind of events with talking to someone, thinking there's something, the delaying of getting together, the ACTUAL getting together and then getting over it; life is sort of ...boring now? Like, I know it's my own fault for putting her on a pedestal and thinking that things were going to be different from that day on, but it's just like, "Well now what?" and there's this weird hanging in the air.


Sometimes the chase is better than the catch, at least you didn't get into a serious relationship. It could of been worse.


----------



## MFB

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> Sometimes the chase is better than the catch, at least you get into a serious relationship. It could of been worse.



This is usually my problem. With my last girlfriend, she approached me and things just clicked so there was no "chase" per se, we just kind of talked and it really worked. Before that it was the same thing, but my first girlfriend was kind of like this where I was immediately infatuated and there was no real way to talk myself down from the ledge; then when we did get together, I was kind of like, "Oh well, I got what I wanted right?" and then like a week and a half later it was over


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

MFB said:


> This is usually my problem. With my last girlfriend, she approached me and things just clicked so there was no "chase" per se, we just kind of talked and it really worked. Before that it was the same thing, but my first girlfriend was kind of like this where I was immediately infatuated and there was no real way to talk myself down from the ledge; then when we did get together, I was kind of like, "Oh well, I got what I wanted right?" and then like a week and a half later it was over


Love can be one heck of a drug and I have a tendency to get lost in the fog of all the good stuff and ignore the bad. It's good to remind yourself to snap back to reality and look at things from a 3rd person POV. I've known all two well the awesome first week and the second "what the hell was I thinking" week.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Slowly becoming less and less responsive. I think I know this pattern. Oh well. I guess I get to start saving $ again.


----------



## BrailleDecibel

Konfyouzd said:


> Slowly becoming less and less responsive. I think I know this pattern. Oh well. I guess I get to start saving $ again.



Ahh how I hate that move, I had this same thing pulled on me recently.  This song about perfectly sums it up:


----------



## Konfyouzd

Screw it man... I was slacking on a lot of other things I need to be more on the ball about as a result of dealing with women in general anyway. I'm gonna give her some space and take some time to get my shit done... I don't have time to chase a skirt I barely know... I just don't care anymore... She's not the last one on Earth.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

Talking to a girl I really like and the only tricky part is working into conversation whether she's single or not (last time we met in person she wasn't but that was the better part of a year ago). If so I'll ask her out as soon as exams are done (23rd June, counting down the days...) Excited if I have a chance because although she is super pretty the main thing that drew me in was her personality, sense of humour and common interests with me, and even if she turns me down I'd like to stay friends because she's really cool. But that also really makes me want to be with her  Would be nice if I could catch a break from the matchmaking gods for once (every girl I have ever liked either flat out rejected me, was taken or moved 300 miles away due to psycho family issues), so wish me luck guys hahaha


----------



## asher

I'd say just go for it anyway, and if she turns it down just go with something like "oh well, it was worth a shot!" and then resume carrying on however you already were.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

asher said:


> I'd say just go for it anyway, and if she turns it down just go with something like "oh well, it was worth a shot!" and then resume carrying on however you already were.



For me there is a difference between taking some form of action and becoming emboldened with levels of confidence that I have never had. It doesn't seem like an awful idea though...


----------



## asher

Fair enough man, haha. Good luck with whatever you decide on!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Just watched that Fade Away video. Wow... 

She actually hit me up today suddenly in the mood to talk. I, however, am not. We'll see how we feel tomorrow. I really don't wanna set a precedent of just disappearing every time she's got some problem being okay.

That said, she still hasn't told me what the problem was so perhaps I should be more patient. That remains to be seen.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Friday night she told me "that was the best orgasm I've ever had" and Saturday nigth she said the "L word" after 10 months exactly. Double score, birthday weekend was a definite success


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

Following up from my previous post she IS single, we're talking loads and have obscene amounts of stuff in common to the extent that I'm worried she'll think I was making it up to score when I make a move 

Gonna keep posting this here as it seems to have helped me in some crazy way thus far. Feels nice to potentially be looking towards something happening for once. Being the forever-alone guy out of my friends was a great thing for my self-deprecating humour but the schtick is getting old FAST


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

UnderTheSign said:


> Friday night she told me "that was the best orgasm I've ever had" and Saturday nigth she said the "L word" after 10 months exactly. Double score, birthday weekend was a definite success


----------



## Konfyouzd

UnderTheSign said:


> Friday night she told me "that was the best orgasm I've ever had" and Saturday nigth she said the "L word" after 10 months exactly. Double score, birthday weekend was a definite success



Aww yea...


----------



## Chokey Chicken

UnderTheSign said:


> Friday night she told me "that was the best orgasm I've ever had" and Saturday nigth she said the "L word" after 10 months exactly. Double score, birthday weekend was a definite success



She came so hard she fell in love.

Achievement unlocked.


----------



## asher




----------



## Kidneythief

Been there done that a couple of times. Either I'm good or I've met liars all my life. I'm gonna go with I'm good   Although if I look at it that who knows what my ex has been lying about in the last 2-3 months...ah dammit 

So "finally" tomorrow is the day that she gets her last stuff from the flat, and I'm finally forever free of her. I had to keep her on fakebook because of the moving out, getting the keys back. I cannot wait for the moment once this is finally over I can delete her from my life digitally too.

I don't know how normal it is, but currently I'm feeling uninterested in any kind of relationships. Not even a "f*ckbuddy". It's somehow...I don't know I think I finally reached the point where I have gone tired of always giving, trying and giving my best every damn time for my "girlfriend". Or just getting a girlfriend in general...


----------



## asher

Methinks that's pretty normal. You get tired of putting up with shit from other people and feel like indulging yourself for a while.


----------



## MFB

Ended up agreeing to go out with a co-worker and her fiancee to a bar in the next week or so, should be ...interesting. I don't drink much, let alone stuff you'd order from a bar, but I'm up for going out and seeing what can happen plus it'll let me start trying Scotch in a way that doesn't cost me a minimum of $45.


----------



## asher

Well, I guess when you're comparing it to buying bottles from a liquor store 

That sounds like a beer night to me though, haha.


----------



## MFB

I uh, hate beer 

Usually I just pour vodka into apple juice because orange juice sucks (yeah, I said it) so I might end up ordering Angry Orchards/Smith & Forge etc... but I did want to start upping my 'man cred' with scotch so two-birds with one stone, blah blah. I just have to order one good drink and consider that enough since I've had it like twice, and I'll be driving that night.


----------



## asher

MFB said:


> I uh, hate beer
> 
> Usually I just pour vodka into apple juice because orange juice sucks (yeah, I said it) so I might end up ordering Angry Orchards/Smith & Forge etc... but I did want to start upping my 'man cred' with scotch so two-birds with one stone, blah blah. I just have to order one good drink and consider that enough since I've had it like twice, and I'll be driving that night.



Fair enough  Best of luck when it rolls around!


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Kidneythief said:


> Been there done that a couple of times. Either I'm good or I've met liars all my life. I'm gonna go with I'm good   Although if I look at it that who knows what my ex has been lying about in the last 2-3 months...ah dammit
> 
> So "finally" tomorrow is the day that she gets her last stuff from the flat, and I'm finally forever free of her. I had to keep her on fakebook because of the moving out, getting the keys back. I cannot wait for the moment once this is finally over I can delete her from my life digitally too.
> 
> I don't know how normal it is, but currently I'm feeling uninterested in any kind of relationships. Not even a "f*ckbuddy". It's somehow...I don't know I think I finally reached the point where I have gone tired of always giving, trying and giving my best every damn time for my "girlfriend". Or just getting a girlfriend in general...



It's normal for people fresh out of relationships to have a distaste in romance for a while. It's very likely that you'll eventually end up being actively on the look out for romantic/sexual interests. Take your time, it ain't worth hurrying.


----------



## Kidneythief

Distaste in romance...I always imagine myself this way:





EDIT:
It's done...she came over (off course with the guy), handed me the keys, gave her the money for the microwave, and she left.
She was smiling the whole time, and even dared to ask me "What's wrong?" Reply: "You act like you don't know"
Then escorted her to the gate, and saw the guy. I just lost it, slammed the gate after her, spit on the ground and told her how much a b*tch she is.

Well...at least it IS finally OVER.
Gotta get used to the feeling.


----------



## vilk

I want your guys' opinions on whether or not I'm overreacting. 

So, I've been back in USA almost a month now, and basically since I've gotten back I've been spending a lot of time with my ex-girlfriend from high school. She seems a lot more mature and we've been having fun, and she even looks hotter than when we used to go out. 

So like, a few days ago she tells me to go with her this weekend to some jamband overnight camping concert festival type thing out in the woods. I'm not really into jambands, but I've never been to an overnight concert festival, and I had mentioned that I wanted to go camping anyway, so I said ok and we both got tickets. I was real pumped because girl I like staying in a tent with me seems like a definitely good thing, plus I'm pretty sure these concerts are basically glorified parties anyway. 

But now she's telling me that for sure her 'psycho ex-boyfriend' who is allegedly a drug addict is definitely going to be there. So she says she'll go but she doesn't want to sleep there. Ok, fine, whatever, hanging out at a concert festival (sober) is a good date... kinda. But like at the same time what difference is it going to make? If this guy is there, he's either going to try to bother her or not and I'm sure it doesn't matter if you stay the night there. 

BUT I digress, because what actually concerns me about all of this is how it's a bunch of ....ing drama! I mean seriously if there's drama and bullshit like psycho ex-boyfriends when I haven't even been talking to this girl 3 weeks then is it even worth it? I remember when we dated in the past there was always a bunch of drama too, but I had thought she'd grown out of it. I can't be bothered with it. But we did actually buy tickets to the thing. And I do actually like this girl a lot.


tl;dr I'm dating a girl with a psycho drug addict ex-boyfriend. Should I tell him to go away, or should I just drop this girl because drama is a strong indicator of shit I don't want to deal with?


----------



## flint757

I'd wait until there's actual drama before jumping ship. You and her both are assuming shits going to go down and you don't really know that for certain. It doesn't sound like the 'psycho ex' is stalking her, just that he may be there. If she was being stalked by the guy then I'd say you have a valid reason to be concerned.


----------



## asher

My guess is less that shit is _going_ to go down and more she's worried that it _might_ go down, and honestly, from an outsider's perspective shit going down at night after bands when everyone's wasted seems quite a bit more likely.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I have figured out why I can't obtain a lady,and that's because I can't even get along with the females in my own house.I understand that this thread might mean love and relationships in another way,but family counts too right.

Without delving too far into my personal life,I cannot help but feel my mother and sister are trying to antagonize me beyond insanity.My sister,as you would expect,is a pester,but a lot more manageable than my mom.I would elaborate on my grievances I have against them,but I don't feel like writing them out and explaining.I'll just say what happened last night.

I cannot recall how we got on the topic.She was talking about going to the beach post graduation just as she said before.Originally,she was going to save money from tax returns,but she ran out of it awhile back.I told her from the very start that I don't like going to the beach for yadayada reasons,but I didn't really care if we went or not.The thought of it subsided into the back of our minds until she found out she could get some extra cash in order to buy some supplies for my first official year in college.I told her I would just sit on the sand like I always do(because I can't swim),and she wanted alternate suggestions.I didn't really have any and concluded that it was imprudent to just jump on a vacation for half a week without buying any items I needed for college yet or having any estimate of what it would cost to get the stuff and how much the vacation would cost.One of the ugly things she does is accuse.She instantly drew to the conclusion that I was selfish and only wanted the money to be spent on me.

Without outlining the entire argument,in response,it was indeed her own idea to go to the beach and I never said not to go to the beach at all.In fact,I was hoping for an alternative,but we can never get anywhere since I have to keep talking over her and defending myself.Every day when they get home I just feel angry and/or I have a big migraine.I am not professionally diagnosed but I think I am chronically depressed and I cannot wait to leave home.However,I assume I am only trading problems no matter the situation.Thank you if you read all of this.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

vilk said:


> I want your guys' opinions on whether or not I'm overreacting.
> 
> So, I've been back in USA almost a month now, and basically since I've gotten back I've been spending a lot of time with my ex-girlfriend from high school. She seems a lot more mature and we've been having fun, and she even looks hotter than when we used to go out.
> 
> So like, a few days ago she tells me to go with her this weekend to some jamband overnight camping concert festival type thing out in the woods. I'm not really into jambands, but I've never been to an overnight concert festival, and I had mentioned that I wanted to go camping anyway, so I said ok and we both got tickets. I was real pumped because girl I like staying in a tent with me seems like a definitely good thing, plus I'm pretty sure these concerts are basically glorified parties anyway.
> 
> But now she's telling me that for sure her 'psycho ex-boyfriend' who is allegedly a drug addict is definitely going to be there. So she says she'll go but she doesn't want to sleep there. Ok, fine, whatever, hanging out at a concert festival (sober) is a good date... kinda. But like at the same time what difference is it going to make? If this guy is there, he's either going to try to bother her or not and I'm sure it doesn't matter if you stay the night there.
> 
> BUT I digress, because what actually concerns me about all of this is how it's a bunch of ....ing drama! I mean seriously if there's drama and bullshit like psycho ex-boyfriends when I haven't even been talking to this girl 3 weeks then is it even worth it? I remember when we dated in the past there was always a bunch of drama too, but I had thought she'd grown out of it. I can't be bothered with it. But we did actually buy tickets to the thing. And I do actually like this girl a lot.
> 
> 
> tl;dr I'm dating a girl with a psycho drug addict ex-boyfriend. Should I tell him to go away, or should I just drop this girl because drama is a strong indicator of shit I don't want to deal with?



I wouldn't so much start shit just yet since nothing has really gone down yet. Feel out the situation and play it by ear. If it goes well, that's cool. If drama ensues, then consider that your invitation to jump ship. As it stands, it sounds like the girl is trying her best to avoid what drama she can. If you throw any kind of fit at this point, then you'll be the source of the drama and she'd have reason to drop you.


----------



## cwhitey2

Chokey Chicken said:


> It's normal for people fresh out of relationships to have a distaste in romance for a while. It's very likely that you'll eventually end up being actively on the look out for romantic/sexual interests. Take your time, it ain't worth hurrying.







True to an extent...i want to bang everything BUT my ex gf when we broke up


----------



## asher

Obsidian:

She's talking about herself just wanting to go? Going with friends? Or you guys going as a family? Is she graduating, or you?


----------



## Obsidian Soul

asher said:


> Obsidian:
> 
> She's talking about herself just wanting to go? Going with friends? Or you guys going as a family? Is she graduating, or you?


I'm graduating and she wants to go as a family.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I have a few things to post, wall of text imminent:

First off, I haven't been able to hang out with the girl from my college after the one time a week or two ago. We've both been busy and I haven't had a car for the last week. She's going on multiple trips/adventures this summer and I don't think I'll be able to see her more than a couple of times until college starts again.
The other night she told me that our RD doesn't allow RAs to date residents in our building. So she said we can't be official. I was kinda surprised because it was like 2am and she was drunk when she was texting me this. I, who had also been drinking, interpreted that as a way that she could blame someone else for not getting serious with me. We talked sparingly over the next few days and when we were talking last night she said "I hope I didn't scare you off with that comment did I?" and I said no she didn't, I just wasn't sure how to interpret it. She said she was just being honest but didn't know what to do about it because she thinks I'm so cute  I said I'm fine with us just being casual, I told her I wanted to keep cuddling her/etc (explicit content) and she said "Haha well I'm not opposed to that." so ye. Not gonna become a more serious thing overall.
I guess I'm a bit bummed but she does only have one semester left whereas I have two years at college, and she wants to move to a different state so this will be fine. She's a great person and I'll be satisfied with casually hanging out with her.

Second point: Previously for a very brief while (a few days) in May I was talking to this girl online who happened to be the sister of a female friend of mine. The one who is my friend and I have made out briefly a couple of times because she has an open relationship with her boyfriend. It was kind of just a friendly makeout we had between episodes of Game of Thrones but yeah.
Anyway, the last time I talked to her sister online was mid-May, and I haven't gotten back to her because I've been busy. Our talk was overall quite platonic, and it ended with the open ended "let's hangout this summer!". Today though, I get an email saying I got a message on Okcupid (don't judge pls) from her, saying "Are you going to be coming back here anytime soon? " and I said "maybe! I've been busy but I'm sure I could come up sometime. How've you been lately?" so gonna see how that goes.

I don't know what to think here lol. The friend of mine is really attractive, and I am fairly certain if the stars aligned we could hookup and I know that it would be epic. At the same time, her sister is also very attractive and into more of the same things I am, and they're both only one year apart from each other and both live in my town at college.
I might ask my friend if it's ok if I talk to/hangout with her sister. I know I can do whatever I want, but I think it would be polite just because we did makeout a couple times. Although she's really open so I doubt she would care, I think I brought it up a month ago anyway.

Third point: I just realized that in the past few times I've talked to new girls, most if not all of them say something about how I'm optimistic. It doesn't matter what we're talking about, but eventually they'll say something either in a self-depreciating humour way or they're sharing some semi-crappy incident that happened to them, and I usually say something like "well it's good that ____" or "At least now you can ____". Almost always, they respond with something like "I love how optimistic you are! " or a variant of that. I always find it weird because aside from a few ideals I barely consider myself an optimist at all  is this something girls do as a specific compliment/thing that means they like me?

Any comments/suggestions/constructive criticism/personal insults on any of this?


----------



## soliloquy

burnt the bridge on my ex about 3 days ago after being broken up for about 10 months. 

its weird as i thought we were getting along just fine as friends and i thought we were going back to the way we used to be before we started going out. she said that she feels like shes being used as i'm using her love for me against her. guess she shouldn't have left me in the first place.

i do miss her. and i catch myself wondering if i chose right between my family or her. i do find my dad saying some repulsive things from time to time that would make anyone run away. though i dont think a partner should ever give you an ultimatum nor make you pick between your family or her.

it does eat at me knowing that her ex that i never liked as he was always in the background is looming back into her life. but this time i'm not fighting for her. i did all of that for 6 years and if she still puts me out, then .... it; i'll try my chance with the world and see who i find.


----------



## vilk

Halfway bragpost but whatever

So, I've been out with this girl like at least 5 or 6 times, we usually make out in the car before I drop her off at home and that's it. Stuck at first base. Always invite her back to mine, she always says no no no so nothing I can do. Finally the day before yesterday I get her back to mine with a promise of 'no funny business', and of course I still try a bit of mild funny business (I mean we had been making out in the car before) but I'm shut down over and over. So I call it a night drive her home and no kiss goodnight.

So I decide--whatever. I'm done with it. We already have plans to hang out the next day but I'mma just go through the motions and take her home and whatever. So I don't even flirt with her at all then next day--no touching, few compliments, but of course we still have fun and it's just a whole lot more platonic mood, probably because I honestly had given up on the idea of the night ending in sex. So we're at the bar later just chilling, and from out of no where she says to me 'Want to go back to yours?'. And then we bang out on each other, most righteously. 


So like, up until now I have never had luck with girls by pretending I'm not interested in them. I mean you always hear people talking about 'playing it cool' but at least with me it's always gone nowhere (either friendzone or girl ends up with a different guy who is being assertive). And honestly playing the offense has thus far scored me a ton of chicks so I figured it was a surefire thing. Figures that just as I think I know how the game is played the rules go and change.

So I'm seeing her again tonight (3 nights in a row is too much in my opinion but I'll let it slide). But the dilemma is that I have no idea whether I should be myself and get denied or pretend I'm not into her again and potentially getting laid. I mean, we did just have sex last night, so should I expect it again? The previous series of dates has lead me to believe that expecting it might actively work against the odds of me getting some. 


tl;dr are jinxs real and can you jinx yourself just by thinking about it?


----------



## kamello

-. Hey Kamello are you busy today?
-. gotta study a bit, why?
-. oh, because of nothing

k'


----------



## Konfyouzd

Sweet... Things are going swimmingly... And next weekend she drops her kid off in Michigan to spend the summer with his father and grandparents... If things go well this summer will be awesome...


----------



## asher

kamello said:


> -. Hey are you busy today?
> -. gotta study a bit, why?
> -. oh, because of nothing
> 
> k'



real answer: the D?


----------



## cwhitey2

So I like to drink.

My problem is I like to message girls when I'm drunk.

I haven't said 1 word to my ex since we broke up almost 2 months ago. WE ended it in a shitty way and I regret that.

So anyways...I apparently asked to her to hang out...or more specifically to dinner to talk.  I'm still not sure whether this was a good idea or not. Shes mad I didn't make any attempt to communicate with her at all while we have been separated. Which I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be doing so IMO so that's whatever 

I just don't know if I should actually go through with meeting her or not though. I mean I want to but i have no idea what, if anything good can actually come from it. I want to at least end things in a positive manner. But I also have the feeling we'll end up chilling and getting along great...she'll come over for a 'movie' and then bam.....naked ravaging each other. Which, in a ....ed up way I think we both need to do. 

Whats your opinion on this guys? Should I go through actually hanging out with her or just say .... it.



P.S. I had planned on marrying this girl (in real life  ) for like 5 years now.


----------



## kamello

asher said:


> real answer: the D?



edited my post for better comprehension, sorry 

(although the D stands still as an aplicable answer  )


----------



## asher

I think you should get a drunk lock app for your phone 

IDK man, decide what you really need to do. Do you really want to clear the air about stuff?

And then probably try to actually stick to it, haha.


----------



## Konfyouzd

cwhitey2 said:


> So I like to drink.
> 
> My problem is I like to message girls when I'm drunk.
> 
> I haven't said 1 word to my ex since we broke up almost 2 months ago. WE ended it in a shitty way and I regret that.
> 
> So anyways...I apparently asked to her to hang out...or more specifically to dinner to talk.  I'm still not sure whether this was a good idea or not. Shes mad I didn't make any attempt to communicate with her at all while we have been separated. Which I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be doing so IMO so that's whatever
> 
> I just don't know if I should actually go through with meeting her or not though. I mean I want to but i have no idea what, if anything good can actually come from it. I want to at least end things in a positive manner. But I also have the feeling we'll end up chilling and getting along great...she'll come over for a 'movie' and then bam.....naked ravaging each other. Which, in a ....ed up way I think we both need to do.
> 
> Whats your opinion on this guys? Should I go through actually hanging out with her or just say .... it.
> 
> 
> 
> P.S. I had planned on marrying this girl (in real life  ) for like 5 years now.



Umm... That's hard to call. Most of my exes... If I were to text them, they more than likely wouldn't respond. I'm gonna Facebook the most recent one and see...


----------



## cwhitey2

Konfyouzd said:


> Umm... That's hard to call. Most of my exes... If I were to text them, they more than likely wouldn't respond. I'm gonna Facebook the most recent one and see...



HAHAHA please do!

At least you will probably get some 'funny' responses.





I guess I'm to the point where I have taken a few steps back to analyze the situation rationally  And I want to see where it goes.


----------



## rectifryer

Guys..............



IF you are having problems with girls, there is one sure-fire way to end them!

Ready?


Still here?


Check your privilege!


(the above was sarcasm spewed with disgust)


----------



## asher

Unlike a lot of other places, this community is pretty good at calling members out on their shit.


----------



## cwhitey2

asher said:


> Unlike a lot of other places, this community is pretty good at calling members out on their shit.



I know you are!! <3


----------



## asher




----------



## Konfyouzd

Privilege?


----------



## Cabinet

Alright I just want to take a few minutes to breathe out my anger and vent a little.

So my girlfriend and I are in a committed relationship and the relationship itself is very healthy. We care, we are honest, we work to try and improve things, we enjoy each other immensely.

So she had linked me to a video on Facebook, the North Korean children playing guitar, and I told her I actually found the video depressing because it looked like the children were rehearsing their smiles and were taught how to look like they're enjoying it.
Now, she cares more than I do about the world around me, she has that same sort of serious tone when it comes to things like Muslims killing each other in the Middle East. Her response was "Ok I get it, you don't like it" followed by her barely acknowledging me when I try to explain why I don't like it.

She comes on with this passive aggressive attitude (which she's done before). Now instead of pointing this out and playing it calm like I normally do, I get upset and basically say "You do this thing where you act like you are too proud to admit you're wrong, so you agree to whatever I say and barely acknowledge me when I justify something. I am tired of always having to undo your defensive initial reaction to conflict. I told you I didn't like the video and I gave you my reasons, and you can't give me the common respect to at least understand where I am coming from. I think to myself well shit, if she's going to act childish, I'm going to show her I can be just as stupid".

So she's taking a nap and I'll probably play some Far Cry 3 and set people on fire.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

REALLY want to post relevant update on my stuff re: my previous recent posts about that girl I'm talking to but I'm on the CUSP of a great development but not quuuuuiite there yet. Itching to talk about it though 



Konfyouzd said:


> Privilege?



If you don't know already, you don't want to, consider yourself luckily ignorant


----------



## Church2224

My buddies told me not to pursue a rather gorgeous young woman who I have liked for some time because "I have no chance with her"

Not sure how to feel about this....I do not like being told I cannot do something...


----------



## Seybsnilksz

Church2224 said:


> My buddies told me not to pursue a rather gorgeous young woman who I have liked for some time because "I have no chance with her"
> 
> Not sure how to feel about this....I do not like being told I cannot do something...



They sound jealous  You should prove something to them


----------



## asher

Church2224 said:


> My buddies told me not to pursue a rather gorgeous young woman who I have liked for some time because "I have no chance with her"
> 
> Not sure how to feel about this....I do not like being told I cannot do something...


 

Only one way to find out!


----------



## Church2224

Yeah, Seyb might be right.

Pretty much what happened is one of, if not the most attractive girl that hangs out with us is single again and we were talking about it. I barely know her at all, just talked to her once or twice. So I told them I was going to make a move on her and give it a shot. Immediately all of my friends said "You are not her type" "If you try it will be painful", and my personal favorite "She is out of your league" They have known this girl longer than I have mind you. 

Also I asked one of my guy friends who is really close to her to introduce me to make it a little less awkward but he kind of blew me off and actually had no response, which was really strange. 

So either they are jealous or they know I will absolutely fail...

Why does dating in the 18-25 year old age bracket have to be full of so much bull shit all of the time?


----------



## MFB

It's only bullshit if you listen to them, Jesus. Just do whatever the fvck you think is right and fvck whatever happens with them. It's not like the two are mutually exclusive.


----------



## Church2224

MFB said:


> It's only bullshit if you listen to them, Jesus. Just do whatever the fvck you think is right and fvck whatever happens with them. It's not like the two are mutually exclusive.



I am just more pissed that my so called friends are being pains. I know I can probably get some where with her or some one like her, I just hate dealing with the downers. 

End Rant.


----------



## Noxon

Church2224 said:


> Why does dating in the 18-25 year old age bracket have to be full of so much bull shit all of the time?



It doesn't. They're just girls. All you have to do is talk to them. Who gives two country f_u_cks what your friends say? Here is some advice from an old married guy like me: That girl your friends said you had no chance with? Go talk to her. I can promise that she will not bite. The worst she can do is say "no". Then you move on to the next one. 

Like Asher said, "only one way to find out." Go talk to her, dude. You might be surprised with what might happen.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

11th July.

Fvcking fvck yes, fvck YESSSS


----------



## Noxon

Captain Shoggoth said:


> 11th July.
> 
> Fvcking fvck yes, fvck YESSSS



So, I will bite... What happens on the 11th? Hot date?


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

Noxon said:


> So, I will bite... What happens on the 11th? Hot date?



watching a film, at my house or hers


----------



## BlackMastodon

Church2224 said:


> Yeah, Seyb might be right.
> 
> Pretty much what happened is one of, if not the most attractive girl that hangs out with us is single again and we were talking about it. I barely know her at all, just talked to her once or twice. So I told them I was going to make a move on her and give it a shot. Immediately all of my friends said "You are not her type" "If you try it will be painful", and my personal favorite "She is out of your league" They have known this girl longer than I have mind you.


I'm all for you saying f**k the haters and going for it, but consider another view on this. 

They have known her for longer and said things like you aren't her type and it will end up bad. They might be trying to warn you, maybe she's a lot to handle or has some baggage and they are trying to protect you.

I'm not saying this is the case since I obviously have no idea, but just saying that you should be a little weary dude. No harm in trying but if it starts to stink the get outta dodge. 

Unless they all just individually wanna go for her then f**k the competition and get to her first.


----------



## Konfyouzd

...

Wow... So chick goes out of town... My phone died on... Wednesday night. And I left it home on Thursday; never charged it. So when I finally get home after work on Thursday I turned it on and got a message that seems to suggest she thinks I'm ignoring her.



So I figured it was as simple as saying no and that my phone was dead...

She now appears to have been ignoring me for the past 2 days... If it goes on for one more day I'm gonna start calling someone else... 

Our new intern is super fine...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Getting tired of dating chicks that seem cool then start acting sketchy...


As I said she's been acting weird since going out of town. She's supposed to come back tomorrow. No mention of it before but now all of a sudden she has "so much to do" when she gets back. Can't hang out. Mmkay. 

Not only that... On the way back she's picking up some dude that apparently has interviews in VA where we live... That's weird and sudden. 

Why is it always some really strange shit? Maybe I'm the crazy one somehow...


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Something I've noticed: everyone always tries to play it cool. The rub: nobody's actually cool. Nobody. Everyone's freaking out all the time, they just don't want anyone else to know.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Cool to me says more about how you handle yourself despite constantly freaking out. All I ask is that ppl be honest and not act like a goddamn sketch ball.


----------



## flint757

It sounds like a childish misunderstanding. She thought you were blowing her off so in her mind she is getting even by doing it back to you. Whether you're okay with that is up to you.  I doubt anything shady is going on unless she really did write you off after that.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I always feel like those kinds of displays signify a woman I won't wanna deal with in the future. I don't like ppl that like to "get even" in any way. I really hope that isn't the case.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

The girl who was in the open relationship came over and spent the night at my house last night. I found that when she describes an open relationship, she means "I share an apartment with a guy, we both get with other people, but also get with each other and sometimes do stuff together."

Haven't been with a girl in over a year and it happened a few times last night and today. She's really beautiful. Major confidence boost for myself. 

Also we watched 9 episodes of game of thrones in the last two days


----------



## cwhitey2

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> The girl who was in the open relationship came over and spent the night at my house last night. I found that when she describes an open relationship, she means "I share an apartment with a guy, we both get with other people, but also get with each other and sometimes do stuff together."
> 
> Haven't been with a girl in over a year and it happened a few times last night and today. She's really beautiful. Major confidence boost for myself.
> 
> Also we watched 9 episodes of game of thrones in the last two days



I wish I was in an open relationship 


I'm jelly.


----------



## Albionic

cwhitey2 said:


> I wish I was in an open relationship
> 
> 
> I'm jelly.




they generally end in tears


----------



## cwhitey2

Albionic said:


> they generally end in tears



Only if you _love_ the other person!


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Albionic said:


> they generally end in tears




Only if the terms of the relationship aren't clearly understood by all involved. I was in one briefly between my ex gf and my wife. (As in the time period between partners.) I didn't really date/fool around outside the guy I was ....ing, but he did. He was safe about it, and I trusted him. We're still great friends, as are me and my ex. (Not entirely an open relationship, but we had a 3 way or two that didn't play any part in ending us.)

Communication is key. Understand what everyone involved wants and/or is comfortable with.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Chokey Chicken said:


> Only if the terms of the relationship aren't clearly understood by all involved. I was in one briefly between my ex gf and my wife. (As in the time period between partners.) I didn't really date/fool around outside the guy I was ....ing, but he did. He was safe about it, and I trusted him. We're still great friends, as are me and my ex. (Not entirely an open relationship, but we had a 3 way or two that didn't play any part in ending us.)
> 
> Communication is key. Understand what everyone involved wants and/or is comfortable with.



Her and I talk about it a lot, and we started on the same page, so that's why I think this will work. Technically, I'm the "other guy" in this situation, but I'm fine with that. We've also both said that if we decide that we want to be monogamous with someone else we will respect each others' decisions. She's been my friend for a long time so I respect her a lot. I don't think this is going to end up being a negative thing, both of us care a lot about each other but we don't have overwhelming feelings for each other.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Her and I talk about it a lot, and we started on the same page, so that's why I think this will work. Technically, I'm the "other guy" in this situation, but I'm fine with that. We've also both said that if we decide that we want to be monogamous with someone else we will respect each others' decisions. She's been my friend for a long time so I respect her a lot. I don't think this is going to end up being a negative thing, both of us care a lot about each other but we don't have overwhelming feelings for each other.



That's where it actually gets a little muddy, and sometimes confusing, is when you do involve more and more people. Basically, you and her are comfortable, but it's difficult to know how guy 1, or even guy 3 would feel. All it takes is for one person to not actually be cool with things for it to go foul. Of course, so long as she's up front about it to whoever she does stuff with, then there should be nothing to worry about. There are still some sicko ....s who would go out of their way to harass or harm others who are "stealing" "their" girl that was never exclusive to them in the first place.

Just be weary. Know that someone could lose their cool. Obviously it wouldn't be yours or her fault, but it's worth keeping it in mind that some people don't actually get what an "open relationship" actually is, and that it's possible you'll have to deal with some drama at some point. (though it's equally possible you won't have to.) Just some friendly advice going forward.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Chokey Chicken said:


> Good advice



As of right now I don't know if she's getting with anyone beside me and her "boyfriend". She's told me she's picky, it's not as if she just goes out and hooks up with anyone. But I have talked to her boyfriend before, and he's a nice guy, friendly dude. From what I've gathered he's chill and isn't the type to get angry in the way you've described.

However I'll still be paying attention if he or her either have any problems with anything that's going on. I don't want to come between them if they want to become monogamous.

Again, it all comes back to "communication is key".


----------



## icos211

I've been taking the girl from my work out pretty regularly for the past few weeks now. I was pretty confident that I was seeing signs that she was interested, so I laid it out there a few days ago. Didn't exactly go my way... Apparently she is "dating" some guy, but he has been ignoring her for about 5 weeks now. It sounds to me like he has broken up with her and she is just really hung up on him, but I don't exactly have the heart to tell her that. She said that she has "definitely felt something there" between her and I, but that we can't be anything more than we are now because she still thinks that she and the other guy are dating. She still texts me constantly and we have hung out a few times, and have plans to in the near future. I was going to try to kiss her last night to see how she would react, but chickened out, of course.


----------



## cwhitey2

icos211 said:


> I've been taking the girl from my work out pretty regularly for the past few weeks now. I was pretty confident that I was seeing signs that she was interested, so I laid it out there a few days ago. Didn't exactly go my way... Apparently she is "dating" some guy, but he has been ignoring her for about 5 weeks now. It sounds to me like he has broken up with her and she is just really hung up on him, but I don't exactly have the heart to tell her that. She said that she has "definitely felt something there" between her and I, but that we can't be anything more than we are now because she still thinks that she and the other guy are dating. She still texts me constantly and we have hung out a few times, and have plans to in the near future. I was going to try to kiss her last night to see how she would react, but chickened out, of course.





I was in the exact situation you were 4 years ago. I cut all ties with her when I tried to hangout with her more.... And she mentioned she was seeing someone


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

cwhitey2 said:


> I was in the exact situation you were 4 years ago. I cut all ties with her when I tried to hangout with her more.... And she mentioned she was seeing someone




Don't waste your time on people who can't make up their minds.


----------



## Church2224

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCckFQ1A_KA


----------



## icos211

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> Don't waste your time on people who can't make up their minds.



Good advice. I didn't take it. It's not turning out great.


----------



## Konfyouzd

For the the first time ever I had a fight that manifest itself as an amicable conversation. I think we're getting somewhere...


----------



## Church2224

So one girl is coming to a BBQ I am throwing this weekend and already texted me saying she wants to...have my Church Dog 

And another girl is moving back to town and wants to see me and go clubbin with me...

Life is good.


----------



## Konfyouzd

:highfive:


----------



## Konfyouzd

... And she's my gf now.

July 4... Easy anniversary to remember should we get there


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> For the the first time ever I had a fight that manifest itself as an amicable conversation. I think we're getting somewhere...



I think I can count on one hand the number of fights I've had with girlfriends/ladyfriends (counting 4 different people over about 8 years). I might be a little _too_ accommodating  

Congrats though man!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Sounds like you just know how to pick em. Learning I am.


----------



## asher

Maybe, IDK man  I've definitely had trying and testy exchanges but... very few real fights. It's also that I try to be really patient, and even though I can get frustrated and bottle stuff (depression/anxiety stuff aside, which also keeps away from the "angry" end of the scale) I do my best to keep things calmer and upfront and reasonable when I actually bring things up. I don't always succeed, of course.

And to at least a small extent I really probably should be more assertive


----------



## kamello

Congrats Konfyouzd!, remember to visit your single and forsaken friends here from time to time hahaha 

random: if the ex calls you while drunk is because she is still into you right, right?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Funny thing... Both our exes hit us up this week. Mine "misses me" and hers is getting a divorce and seems to really want her to know about it. I think exes do that when they know they're about to be mad lonely.

Mine randomly showed up at my house in the middle of the day and freaked me the .... out.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

The girl I've been hanging out with ended things with her open relationship boyfriend guy. Last time we hung out we talked for a long time and she said things about how there wasn't any passion and they were just meant to be friends. I told her what I could but it sounds like the guy is kind of a man child.

Anyway, she's single now, and I'm the only guy she's doing anything with right now. Unless we...ahem...added someone (wink) (she's into that) (wink)

Also it turns out that she will be going to my school for another two years instead of one year so I'm happy about that. She's great, we've had some really great conversations and hang outs, she loves metal and is totally supportive of my music and finds it attractive, but I'm waiting til school to see if anything more really develops. There is a chance we could get into a more serious relationship.


----------



## Church2224

Church2224 said:


> So one girl is coming to a BBQ I am throwing this weekend and already texted me saying she wants to...have my Church Dog
> 
> And another girl is moving back to town and wants to see me and go clubbin with me...
> 
> Life is good.



So, The girl who texted me and came to my BBQ that night? Yeah we had sex and it was awesome. So now we have a friends with benefits arrangement going on...

Thanks for the support guys, little Church is definitely happy.


----------



## soliloquy

so, i joined okcupid a few months ago. after browsing for months with random small talk, i met this one girl. super awesome! highly intelligent, can carry a conversation, very interesting, and we share a lot of things in common. since i'm new to online dating, apparently i should have asked her number or something a few days/messages into the conversation. our okcupid convo went on for about a month and a half then she just disappeared off of okcupid. she eventually came back saying she needs her own space to sort some shit out. i then gave her my email and number saying im a great listener if she needs an ear. replied back saying she MIGHT take me up on the offer. 

hopefully she does as she seems super cool.


----------



## MFB

MFB said:


> Alright, so now that I'm awake and like, coherent, here's what went down.
> 
> I didn't say anything, BUT it's for a good reason.
> 
> We were talking and hanging out, and she was going a mile a minute to a level that I was just like, "What in the .... is going on" jumping from one thing to another etc... I'm the exact opposite of that, that unless I need to tell a story for another to make sense, I have a train of thought and follow it. I also can't just throw random things out and act like I didn't say them, I have a filter. So there was that for starters, and the other was the fact that through the night she was snap-chatting the whole time which is just annoying as shit and I would lose it immediately and it'd come down to either me or the app. Like, she wasn't sending different things, it was always the same photo every time but it was just, constant iPhone. We also have very different taste in shows/music, which I didn't realize. She's apparently obsessed with country, which I find to be some of the most bland, over-produced garbage at the moment but I'm fine with older like, 90's country because that's what I grew up on so if it's a choice then that gets my vote. Meanwhile, I like classical - she despises it. Metal - despises it. Etc...
> 
> It's a nice thought to think we could've been together, but it would've worked better before in 2010/11 when we were different because I know the type of person I am now; and that would just exhaust me to keep up with so it's not worth the hassle.



So uh, I went from this, back to my original state of panic because guess who's coming back up next week? We're getting together for what my roommates call "Winesday" which is hang out and drink wine on Wednesday, but I prefer to drink vodka so it's just drinking with the roommates/neighbors  

We'll uh, see how this goes.


----------



## vilk

Gotta vent bros.

So, I broke up with my gf of 3 years(let's call her C) and moved to USA a little less than two months ago. For the first couple weeks we kept in touch, but it was just so painful to talk to this girl who I'm still kinda in love with but trying to give up the memory of (at least for a little while, so I can get on with my life). I tell her lets stop talking and basically ignore her until the other day.

Flash-sideways-- Right about as I've told my [debatabley] ex-girlfriend C that I can't talk to her anymore, I start connecting with the girl whom I had dated throughout highschool--her name is M. You might have seen me talk about her within the past couple pages. She's gorgeous, funny, smart, and doesn't flap her ....ing mouth about constantly like 99% of girls I meet. Oh, and she likes good music (probably a result of her dating me in in the past). She does however have a few issues. But so do I. Anyways, we go out practically every day for about a month, have sex only a couple times in this period, which I thought was kinda weird but I dunno she has just gotten out of some ridiculous 6 year relationship so maybe she wants to take it slow. Or maybe she just doesn't like me. Probably a combination of the two, because just last week she tells me that she's seeing someone else (she already isn't seeing him anymore, but the point that she doesn't like me was realized). It isn't as though we were exclusive, so I'm not angry at her per se, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't really hurt my feelings and that I'm still hung up about it. Yeah, I guess I was kinda rebounding on her, but I can honestly say that I've never really stopped thinking about M even since we broke up after high school. Even while I was dating C I would find myself thinking about M... I almost feel worse about M not liking me back--after leading me on and making me think that she did--than I do about the guilt I have for abandoning C in Japan. 


Ok, so, this past weekend is 4 days off work, constant partying. I'm feeling down about my whole situation(s), so I get really wasted and have sex with some friend of a friend at a party--K. She's not much of a looker but honestly she was really kind and friendly to me the whole night. More than my friends even. However--in my drunken state I somehow throw the condom wrapper in an empty cigarette box laying around (aka garbage that's why I did it) someone opens it up looking for smokes, suddenly the whole world knows I bagged this chick, and it is then revealed to me that K has a pretty bad reputation. People are saying things to me like "hope you double-bagged it" and such... now I'm not one to take rumors too seriously, but I also had some close friends come up to me telling K is mental, stalker, [hard] druggy type person, and her 'cleanliness' is something that should be seriously doubted. I don't know this girl, I haven't even been in the states for years, but I think, meh, whatever, people just like to say mean things and gossip, there's probably no truth to it. She didn't seem so crazy or dirty that night. But now my phone is blowing up, the chick K is calling me, telling me to go over and bang her again... So I do. And the rubber breaks. I pull out of there right quick but you never know... I'm probably being paranoid and putting too much faith in rumors but I'm thinking about going and getting my gear checked out just in case. Oh, and it turns out that when I am sober I can realize that clearly my friends were correct--K is absolutely insane. She talked to me for like 30 minutes about ghosts, everything she says is is cliche and retarded, we like literally none of the same stuff, and she talks like a machine gun. I could literally feel my brain melt out of my ears... BUT, she was still very friendly and nice to me. Having said that, I hope I never, ever see her again. Did I mention that she's friends with M's ex-boyfriend? I somehow see this information getting around to M and ruining my already very poor chances with her. Why do I even care? is the larger question... but I do. 


Moving along---No sooner have I gotten K on my tail than M who [effectively] dumped me a week ago tells me she thinks she's preggers. Now, we didn't use protection, but we did only have sex twice (and of course I pulled out I'm not a dummy). I'm hoping she's just late due to the fact that she's been partying way too hard lately, which I know that she has.
Same night--C messages me and tells me she's coming to Chicago regardless of whether or not I invite her. There's a part of me that thinks if I ever see this girl again I would tell her to stay forever, but I feel like that's probably being influenced by the fact that I feel so lonely and every girl I've met since her has been such a disappointment. It is part of the reason I'm trying not to talk to her. 
HOWEVER, there's no way in hell I could ever go back to C (even if I wanted to) knowing that I've possibly knocked up a chick and/or gotten an std. Hell, if either of these bad things turn out to be true, I don't think I could even face her. I don't think I could even tell her.

Yeah, I realize it's probably a little too early to be worrying about either of these bad things... but if you were in my shoes, don't you think it might be a little tough to get these three things off your mind?
1. Girl that you left and are trying to forget is coming to visit
2. Girl that you like but doesn't reciprocate your feelings is maybe pregnant
3. Girl that is batshit infected you with diseases and wont leave you alone


Sorry for all that writing but I just needed to punch it into a keyboard to maintain my own sanity. Any advice welcome. You know, aside from go get your dick checked and buy M a pregnancy test--I've got it figured out that far.


----------



## spadz93

Been a while since ive posted in here. basically just gonna rehash my history and then get to the main point. I hooked up with chick A, A got a boyfriend three days later, i tried OKC out of some desperation, and it worked flawlessly. Ive effectively met the love of my life. shit's no joke.

We've been dating for 5 months now. However, recently, her grandmother in the Domincan Republic isn't doing all too great. her family decided they want to fly out. She wanted me to come with because she really wants me to meet her grandmother (and her grandmother really wants to meet me), but i told her that i couldn't because of work (had a new boss starting). Oh, and another twist, she's going to be "missing" her 21st birthday because of this trip (she wanted to spend it in USA with friends and such).

So, fast forward. she left with her family this past saturday. i'm driving back from warped tour this past sunday, and im thinking "hey, why not just see if i can get away with it, for shits and giggles?" i get home, ask my parents, and they say go for it. i ask my boss(es) and they say go for it (the ....?), and i hop on the phone and manage to get a hold of her mom, and she says the invite is still open. So, i told her mom to stay quiet about it, and that i want it to be a surprise. So, within a 24 hour period, i thought of the idea, got all the green lights, and booked my flight out to DR. I leave monday morning to go and surprise her. I'll be staying the week and flying back with them. Now, ill get to meet her grandmother, and celebrate her birthday with her.

Not to toot my own horn, but this has to be the best birthday present i've ever gotten anyone lol


----------



## Konfyouzd




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## cwhitey2

spadz93 said:


> Been a while since ive posted in here. basically just gonna rehash my history and then get to the main point. I hooked up with chick A, A got a boyfriend three days later, i tried OKC out of some desperation, and it worked flawlessly. Ive effectively met the love of my life. shit's no joke.
> 
> We've been dating for 5 months now. However, recently, her grandmother in the Domincan Republic isn't doing all too great. her family decided they want to fly out. She wanted me to come with because she really wants me to meet her grandmother (and her grandmother really wants to meet me), but i told her that i couldn't because of work (had a new boss starting). Oh, and another twist, she's going to be "missing" her 21st birthday because of this trip (she wanted to spend it in USA with friends and such).
> 
> So, fast forward. she left with her family this past saturday. i'm driving back from warped tour this past sunday, and im thinking "hey, why not just see if i can get away with it, for shits and giggles?" i get home, ask my parents, and they say go for it. i ask my boss(es) and they say go for it (the ....?), and i hop on the phone and manage to get a hold of her mom, and she says the invite is still open. So, i told her mom to stay quiet about it, and that i want it to be a surprise. So, within a 24 hour period, i thought of the idea, got all the green lights, and booked my flight out to DR. I leave monday morning to go and surprise her. I'll be staying the week and flying back with them. Now, ill get to meet her grandmother, and celebrate her birthday with her.
> 
> Not to toot my own horn, but this has to be the best birthday present i've ever gotten anyone lol





That is pretty awesome!


I usually forget girls have birthdays...and feelings


----------



## Konfyouzd

And that's not always unreasonable...


----------



## Church2224

So last night I had sex with the same girl again, but this time for some reason I did not enjoy it at all. It seemed like more work for me, while she seemed to be having the time of her life. After about a half hour I had to give up, I just got tired and lost all momentum. 

Has that happened to any of you guys? It is weird, the first time was great but last night....strange.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Yes... The past 2 times I did. Not sure what that's about, but I kinda just lost interest half way through. It also becomes incredibly difficult to fnish if they ask me to as part of their dirty talk. It literally becomes impossible so I just fake it so she'll be happy and I move on to the next whatever-the-fvck for the day.


----------



## asher

Church2224 said:


> So last night I had sex with the same girl again, but this time for some reason I did not enjoy it at all. It seemed like more work for me, while she seemed to be having the time of her life. After about a half hour I had to give up, I just got tired and lost all momentum.
> 
> Has that happened to any of you guys? It is weird, the first time was great but last night....strange.



Sometimes you're just not feelin' it.


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## Konfyouzd

Indeed. We don't have to be perpetually horny like we're rumored to be. Sometimes I just feel like watching TV.


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## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> Indeed. We don't have to be perpetually horny like we're rumored to be. Sometimes I just feel like watching TV.



Though I am 

The problem is going for the followup rounds when she's still game, which with the last one was nearly every time.


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## Konfyouzd

Some days I really just don't give a shit about sex... I feel like there might be too much emphasis on that with respect to most interactions with the opposite sex. I realize that biologically it's the point of the whole matter, but meh... 

Not that it's not a wonderful thing. Some days I just really don't care about it. 

That said... Subsequent rounds are usually only a problem because I hate buying condoms so I typically don't have enough. They're expensive...


----------



## cwhitey2

Church2224 said:


> So last night I had sex with the same girl again, but this time for some reason I did not enjoy it at all. It seemed like more work for me, while she seemed to be having the time of her life. After about a half hour I had to give up, I just got tired and lost all momentum.
> 
> Has that happened to any of you guys? It is weird, the first time was great but last night....strange.



I have straight up passed out during sex...twice 

Needless to say my partner wasn't to "happy".

I was drunk and it was like 3am for reference 


EDIT: off topic there is a tag below that says "church needs to get laid" hahahaah


----------



## Konfyouzd

Ever try telling a chick you're tired or have a headache? 

They either get all irritated or borderline rapey... Imagine that.


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## asher

I've found booze and sex to be an odd mix. My endurance is pretty shit as it is, so until I'm well liquored up, I lose enough focus that it actually makes it worse, until you hit the magic window where sensation's also dulled and things are awesome. After that you're useless, and just past that you PTFO


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## Seybsnilksz

I was riding my bike to the store, and before I got out of the neighbourhood a girl out with her dog said hi to me. Should I stop the next time I see her?


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## Konfyouzd

If you're not trolling I apologize for laughing at you.


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## Seybsnilksz

Apology accepted. I guess I'm socially handicapped.


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## Konfyouzd

You should talk to any and everyone you feel inclined to speak to. Be polite. Be yourself. Worst case scenario they remain a stranger.


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## UnattendedGolfcart

Church2224 said:


> So last night I had sex with the same girl again, but this time for some reason I did not enjoy it at all. It seemed like more work for me, while she seemed to be having the time of her life. After about a half hour I had to give up, I just got tired and lost all momentum.
> 
> Has that happened to any of you guys? It is weird, the first time was great but last night....strange.



I haven't had it where I didn't enjoy it, but yesterday the girl I've been seeing and I were having sex on and off for like two hours. I couldn't finish for the longest time and we'd stop for 5-10 minutes then get back into it, but I'd end up getting really tired, or I got a cramp when she was on top of me. I finally finished, and it was great, but it definitely did feel like work during some parts of it, no matter how happy she was.


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## Konfyouzd

Work indeed...


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## Konfyouzd

My conflict resolution skills have gone through the roof lately. Feelin' good...


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## UnderTheSign

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> I haven't had it where I didn't enjoy it, but yesterday the girl I've been seeing and I were having sex on and off for like two hours. I couldn't finish for the longest time and we'd stop for 5-10 minutes then get back into it, but I'd end up getting really tired, or I got a cramp when she was on top of me. I finally finished, and it was great, but it definitely did feel like work during some parts of it, no matter how happy she was.


I have days like that too and though it's "work" it's a job I enjoy too 

Honestly, I've had times where we'd been going for 30-60 minutes and I hadn't finished yet and we just called it quits. She's happy, I still had fun, who cares?


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## Chokey Chicken

Yeah, orgasms aren't the be all end all of sex. If you feel fulfilled that's great. If you were indifferent but your partner had a blast, that's great too. When you need to question things is when nobody gained a damn thing from the encounter. 

Has anyone else here had supremely disappointing, doing it just for the sake of doing it, sex? Makes spending time with your partner insanely awkward the next couple of days.


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## Chokey Chicken

Edit: Double post ftw.


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## Yo_Wattup

asher said:


> I've found booze and sex to be an odd mix. My endurance is pretty shit as it is, so until I'm well liquored up, I lose enough focus that it actually makes it worse, until you hit the magic window where sensation's also dulled and things are awesome. After that you're useless, and just past that you PTFO



  This is the most perfect description of drunk sex. Theres a point where, as you said, your senses are dull, you cant really feel things... like lactic acid, and your dick, which helps endurance immensly. But theres been plently (too many) time where I was too drunk to get positioned properly or get it in and just kind of collapse in a great pile of dissapointment. 



Seybsnilksz said:


> I was riding my bike to the store, and before I got out of the neighbourhood a girl out with her dog said hi to me. Should I stop the next time I see her?



What I would do is stop next to her as if you are out of breath, so you need a break, so getting off your bike will look natural instead of "I AM AWARE OF YOUR PRESENCE AND WILL HALT RIDING AND ACKNOWLEDGE YOU FORMALLY" which is creepy.


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## Konfyouzd

Chokey Chicken said:


> Yeah, orgasms aren't the be all end all of sex. If you feel fulfilled that's great. If you were indifferent but your partner had a blast, that's great too. When you need to question things is when nobody gained a damn thing from the encounter.
> 
> Has anyone else here had supremely disappointing, doing it just for the sake of doing it, sex? Makes spending time with your partner insanely awkward the next couple of days.



That actually has NOT happened to me. But I imagine it's every bit as terrible as you just described.


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## Konfyouzd

Yo_Wattup said:


> This is the most perfect description of drunk sex. Theres a point where, as you said, your senses are dull, you cant really feel things... like lactic acid, and your dick, which helps endurance immensly. But theres been plently (too many) time where I was too drunk to get positioned properly or get it in *and just kind of collapse in a great pile of dissapointment*.



For some reason the mental image I got when I read this had my in tears...


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## UnderTheSign

Chokey Chicken said:


> Yeah, orgasms aren't the be all end all of sex. If you feel fulfilled that's great. If you were indifferent but your partner had a blast, that's great too. When you need to question things is when nobody gained a damn thing from the encounter.
> 
> Has anyone else here had supremely disappointing, doing it just for the sake of doing it, sex? Makes spending time with your partner insanely awkward the next couple of days.


Not really, though I feel both of the one night stands I had could've been just as pleasing had I spent them masturbating in my room


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## Steinmetzify

Was watching something with my wife last night on TV and it was a couple in the 'new relationship' stage, where everything is all new and giggly. Thought about that we'd never have that again.

True story, but then started thinking that I've been with her for a long ass time, the comfort level is there, the sex is still great (after TEN YEARS) and we get along and don't fight anymore at all. 

Realized this is a lot better than jumping rock to rock chasing that feeling. Really digging my relationship the last few months; I'm always happy with her, and the little stuff that bugs me doesn't bother me so much anymore. Pretty stoked right now.


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## Konfyouzd

Chokey - That's when you know you had bad sex... 

But supposedly bad sex is a lot like bad pizza... Even though it's bad... It's still pretty good. 

And I can't believe I just realized how appropriate your name is for this thread.


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## vilk

So, I dunno if you guys have ever heard of tastebuds? It's like a new social media site/app thing that is allegedly focused on meeting people with similar taste in music. It's actually pretty shit because it's glitchy, not many people on it, and the people I'm matched with hardly like the same stuff as me (or maybe I'm just a hipster). But I digress. Anyways, I started talking to a girl on there a week or so ago and finally met up with her last night. She was on the rag so we didn't have sex, but I did get a blowie--_literally the worst one in my whole life_. After a couple minutes I just laughed and asked her if she had ever done this before. She insisted that she had... but I think there is just absolutely no way. Or somehow she ended up with dudes who like getting ridiculously stupid feeling bjs. I finished but I had to do a bit of mental gymnastics to trick myself into thinking it felt good. I mean, I guess technically it did feel good but you guys know what I'm getting at.


In other news, turns out the girl who I was talking about on the previous page is in fact pregnant, and there is _allegedly_ no margin for error in thinking that it's mine. And, I'm pretty positive that she's gonna get a shmishmortion regardless of my consent. So I have no idea how I should feel about that. Or how I should act towards her. I tried telling her I'll take her to the doctor and such, but she told me to never mind it... but I still feel like it's my responsibility. Should I insist? 

I kinda have no idea how to feel about my life. Wtf am I doing? It's pretty ironic that all week I've been [emotionally and physically] feeling like total shit, but somehow today I feel like_ really pretty good_ despite finding out that I knocked up the girl I can't stop thinking about who doesn't even like me back. That's a ....ing shyamalan twist right there.


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## Steinmetzify

vilk said:


> So, I dunno if you guys have ever heard of tastebuds? It's like a new social media site/app thing that is allegedly focused on meeting people with similar taste in music. It's actually pretty shit because it's glitchy, not many people on it, and the people I'm matched with hardly like the same stuff as me (or maybe I'm just a hipster). But I digress. Anyways, I started talking to a girl on there a week or so ago and finally met up with her last night. She was on the rag so we didn't have sex, but I did get a blowie--_literally the worst one in my whole life_. After a couple minutes I just laughed and asked her if she had ever done this before. She insisted that she had... but I think there is just absolutely no way. Or somehow she ended up with dudes who like getting ridiculously stupid feeling bjs. I finished but I had to do a bit of mental gymnastics to trick myself into thinking it felt good. I mean, I guess technically it did feel good but you guys know what I'm getting at.
> 
> In other news, turns out the girl who I was talking about on the previous page is in fact pregnant, and there is _allegedly_ no margin for error in thinking that it's mine. And, I'm pretty positive that she's gonna get a shmishmortion regardless of my consent. So I have no idea how I should feel about that. Or how I should act towards her. I tried telling her I'll take her to the doctor and such, but she told me to never mind it... but I still feel like it's my responsibility. Should I insist?
> 
> I kinda have no idea how to feel about my life. Wtf am I doing? It's pretty ironic that all week I've been [emotionally and physically] feeling like total shit, but somehow today I feel like_ really pretty good_ despite finding out that I knocked up the girl I can't stop thinking about who doesn't even like me back. That's a ....ing shyamalan twist right there.


 
1. Worst bj I ever got? Better than any other day without one.

2. No. 'Allegedly no margin' means a pretty big margin....let her help you dodge that bullet, mang. 

Not to preach, but as a 40 yr old guy let me say this: this is not the weirdest shit that's ever going to happen to you. Seriously. 

Take a quick step back, look at shit as objectively as you can, decide what you like and don't like about your life and change it. Do NOT get hung up on the girl that doesn't like you....that's just a certain way to make yourself miserable. There are always other women, man. ALWAYS.

Speaking of other women, what happened to C coming to visit? Did that/is that still happening? I haven't read the whole thread, don't know the story, etc....I know you left her in Japan, but why? Weirdness? Love stuff? What?


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## Obsidian Soul

vilk said:


> So, I dunno if you guys have ever heard of tastebuds? It's like a new social media site/app thing that is allegedly focused on meeting people with similar taste in music. It's actually pretty shit because it's glitchy, not many people on it, and the people I'm matched with hardly like the same stuff as me (or maybe I'm just a hipster). But I digress. Anyways, I started talking to a girl on there a week or so ago and finally met up with her last night. She was on the rag so we didn't have sex, but I did get a blowie--_literally the worst one in my whole life_. After a couple minutes I just laughed and asked her if she had ever done this before. She insisted that she had... but I think there is just absolutely no way. Or somehow she ended up with dudes who like getting ridiculously stupid feeling bjs. I finished but I had to do a bit of mental gymnastics to trick myself into thinking it felt good. I mean, I guess technically it did feel good but you guys know what I'm getting at.
> 
> 
> In other news, turns out the girl who I was talking about on the previous page is in fact pregnant, and there is _allegedly_ no margin for error in thinking that it's mine. And, I'm pretty positive that she's gonna get a shmishmortion regardless of my consent. So I have no idea how I should feel about that. Or how I should act towards her. I tried telling her I'll take her to the doctor and such, but she told me to never mind it... but I still feel like it's my responsibility. Should I insist?
> 
> I kinda have no idea how to feel about my life. Wtf am I doing? It's pretty ironic that all week I've been [emotionally and physically] feeling like total shit, but somehow today I feel like_ really pretty good_ despite finding out that I knocked up the girl I can't stop thinking about who doesn't even like me back. That's a ....ing shyamalan twist right there.


Maybe things will have been rekindled with C since you two haven't been together in awhile.Perhaps you should persuade her to stay in the USA,and maybe you two should work on communication?If I recall correctly,you said the zest in your relationship with her was running low.Maybe you two should work together to fix it.I suck at life,so take my advice at your own discretion...


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## vilk

@Steinie-- What I don't like about my life is how irresponsible I am, but it seems like the more I try to be responsible the more stressed out I get and then the harder I party and the more irresponsible I become. Vicious cycle... and I'm not quite sure how to break it just yet. I'm also not sure if I want to for some reason. Have you ever been so angry at yourself that you find some kind of ... satisfaction in being self destructive?

I think before I start fixing relationships with women I need to fix my relationship with myself. 


Yes, C is still insistent on coming to USA no matter how much I tell her not to. I left her in Japan because I was kinda bored with her anyway (but isn't that normal after 3 years? I was never sure)... and I was ready to come back to USA. She is a Japanese national so it's not as though she could just come over and get a job at the cornerstore. She has to have a visa to get into this country. So she either has to find a job that sponsors visas for Japanese (which isn't easy, especially for someone with no actually qualifications), or she has to marry a citizen (and go through a labyrinth of red tape). 
I'm not ready to get married. But I am not so reverent towards the idea of matrimony that I wouldn't just marry someone to get them a visa--the larger issue is actually that I don't want anyone being dependent on me. When I lived in Japan I got my own visa, lived in my own place, hung out with my own friends, etc. etc.., but as someone who knows this girl very well I can tell you that if she ever came here that would not be her case. She would (read: does) want to immediately move in with me, spend all of her time with me, so on and so forth. 
tbh I don't even really miss her. 

Take it one step farther Obsidian--the zest was running low a year a go--it's all gone now. And I don't think 2 months of me running around chasing tail and ignoring C's phone calls is the best way to rekindle a relationship. Besides, I've done so many evil things behind her back over the years that I shouldn't have been with her even when I was in Japan. She's a sweet girl and I'm the ....ing worst... so at what point is it OK to put your foot down and say, "Hey, listen, we can't because I'm a twat and you don't even really know who I am and I'm sick and tired of remembering how guilty I feel towards you." 
I bet she'd get the picture if I ever went into detail about how rotten I am, but honestly I'm too much of a coward to tell her. Maybe if I was really really high or drunk... but chances are I'd just hide my phone somewhere and try to forget about her.


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## UnderTheSign

I think it's about time you tell her how you really feel and what you're really like. I mean didn't you intend on breaking up with her months before you actually did? She deserves some honesty. 

As for the other stuff, discipline. Don't sweat it and skip some goddamn parties if you know that's what messes you up.


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## Konfyouzd

Every chick I date has that one male friend I just don't like being around her... But I imagine he'd have gotten somewhere by now if he was going to. 

Still... I don't like him...


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## vilk

^Every chick I'm friends with I've banged when they were still dating someone 

Still... I don't like them as more than a friend.

edit: I wasn't trying to be mean. I guess I'm just saying that the line between being paranoid and being realistic is--at least in that situation--so gossamer thin, and basically 100% dependent on how serious that girl is. I guess I'm just not friends with any serious girls.


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## Konfyouzd

Gee thanks...

*loads Mossberg*


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## Konfyouzd

*amused*

   

So... I think I handled that a bit sooner than I thought.

I've known about this guy for some time and they've been friends for a while. When I first started talking to her she told me about him. He lived in Australia at the time.

Last year prior to us even being aware of each other, she said that this guy flew her out to Australia and then sent her on some trip to 3 other countries. That to me sounds like a dude puttin' in work. 

Not only that, but her son has an Xbox and a shit ton of games. I imagined that she probably got it for him bc you do that for kids if you're okay with them playing video games. Nope... The Xbox and all the games were sent to her by this guy... 

She wants a new phone... Guess who offered to help out with that...

I don't like that shit.

Further, there's some book she was reading when we first met about love languages or some bullshit. She tells me that he read the book and then suggested it to her and that he'd already discovered his own personal love language and that he wanted her to find hers so they could discuss it.

He's either in the "gay best friend" role or he wants her.

So today she's hanging out with him and they're going out to eat or some shit. She was video messaging me in the car. Every time she messages me I hear him in the background trying to be distracting in some way and she's laughing as I'm sure most people do when they're having a good time with their friends. But I already don't like him and I see it as rude.

As it turns out she was also in an awful mood all day today and this is actually the first time I get to see her smile which I enjoyed. She mentioned it...

Her: I'm finally smiling... I know you like that (paraphrased)
Me: Yea I love seeing you smile and I don't care what the reason is. Just make sure your friend knows that's his fvckin' role--FRIEND.

Now this particular video chat app lets you delete messages when they're sent if the person hasn't viewed it yet. But if the app is still open it just automatically plays. I guess she still had it open and after saying it I realized I sounded kinda aggressive and tried to delete it.

Her: Yea... He heard that and I think he got the point.

Yea... He damn well better have. He didn't sound so goddamn chipper in the background that time.

I feel better for now.


----------



## Steinmetzify

vilk said:


> @Steinie-- What I don't like about my life is how irresponsible I am, but it seems like the more I try to be responsible the more stressed out I get and then the harder I party and the more irresponsible I become. Vicious cycle... and I'm not quite sure how to break it just yet. I'm also not sure if I want to for some reason. Have you ever been so angry at yourself that you find some kind of ... satisfaction in being self destructive?
> 
> I think before I start fixing relationships with women I need to fix my relationship with myself.
> 
> 
> Yes, C is still insistent on coming to USA no matter how much I tell her not to. I left her in Japan because I was kinda bored with her anyway (but isn't that normal after 3 years? I was never sure)... and I was ready to come back to USA. She is a Japanese national so it's not as though she could just come over and get a job at the cornerstore. She has to have a visa to get into this country. So she either has to find a job that sponsors visas for Japanese (which isn't easy, especially for someone with no actually qualifications), or she has to marry a citizen (and go through a labyrinth of red tape).
> I'm not ready to get married. But I am not so reverent towards the idea of matrimony that I wouldn't just marry someone to get them a visa--the larger issue is actually that I don't want anyone being dependent on me. When I lived in Japan I got my own visa, lived in my own place, hung out with my own friends, etc. etc.., but as someone who knows this girl very well I can tell you that if she ever came here that would not be her case. She would (read: does) want to immediately move in with me, spend all of her time with me, so on and so forth.
> tbh I don't even really miss her.
> 
> Take it one step farther Obsidian--the zest was running low a year a go--it's all gone now. And I don't think 2 months of me running around chasing tail and ignoring C's phone calls is the best way to rekindle a relationship. Besides, I've done so many evil things behind her back over the years that I shouldn't have been with her even when I was in Japan. She's a sweet girl and I'm the ....ing worst... so at what point is it OK to put your foot down and say, "Hey, listen, we can't because I'm a twat and you don't even really know who I am and I'm sick and tired of remembering how guilty I feel towards you."
> I bet she'd get the picture if I ever went into detail about how rotten I am, but honestly I'm too much of a coward to tell her. Maybe if I was really really high or drunk... but chances are I'd just hide my phone somewhere and try to forget about her.



Dude....I know it's easy for me to say "fix your shit", and it's harder to do than say. From someone who's been where you're at? The faster you do it, the easier life becomes....if it's irresponsibility that bothers you about yourself, do it in steps, man. Work out a little more, save a little more money, etc....it IS a vicious cycle, and the longer it continues the worse you feel about yourself and the worse off you're going to be, and it's just going to continue on until you spiral. You don't want that, man....you really don't. The further down you fall, the harder it is to get back up. 

Plus...the more you do in this arena, the better you're going to feel....it sounds to me like you're punishing yourself for your perceived faults, and that helps no one, especially you, brother. The vicious cycle works in reverse too, you know? The more you do things that you think are healthy or well adjusted, the easier it is to do those things until one day you realize you don't have to think about it any more, you just do it....you get up, work out, hit work, hang with friends, drink a little and bail WITHOUT banging the mental chick. The faster you can clean all this shit up, the better off your life is going to be. 

Ditch the Japanese woman if there's truly nothing there.....people deserve that. Tell her what's up and make her understand.

Done preaching.



Konfyouzd said:


> *amused*
> 
> 
> 
> So... I think I handled that a bit sooner than I thought.
> 
> <snip for length>
> 
> I feel better for now.



Every hot woman has that one guy that thinks he's on deck....spend enough, compliment enough, etc...and he'll get her. Some guys need a project. Shit, I WAS that guy for a while with my wife and I ended up right where I wanted to be.....and a lot of guys don't get it. My wife is a serious badass (model) and looks NOTHING like who you'd expect me to be with, and vice versa...I'm 5'10 and tattooed with the beard in my avatar....I play metal and video games and ride rat bikes and do aikido, and the 'classy' guys don't understand it. 

The thing they don't get? She picked ME....not the other way around. She's loved and protected and safe, and that's what she needs; not a Benz or a shit ton of money. I don't worry about her guy friends, or what she tells them, because she comes home and tells me all about em. What they say, what they want, etc....they think I'm the one in the way, but they don't have a clue and they don't have a shot in hell.

My point is don't stress about it, and don't get puffy around him (she could have him if she wanted, but picked you, right?).....women dig confidence more than almost anything else, and if you can be ok with that guy she's gonna look at you in a different light....my wife and I were best friends for a long time before we hooked up, and every woman I dated had a problem with her except two.....I married one and was with the other for almost 7 years. The ones that couldn't handle it and got all clingy and demanding? I lost...quick. Don't be that guy. OTOH....if you're just there for the sex, do what you want with dude, get laid a lot and move on. 

Done rambling. Good luck you guys. I'm gonna check back in on this...hopefully things work out well for both of you.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I don't think it will be a problem, I just like to make certain things clear. You are right though... She could have been with him a while ago. And I figure if she wanted that we'd have never met. I just want him to know I see him...  

Also, I've mentioned it before when she told me about him before and she said that he's just one of those friends that she talks about a lot of stuff with because they do that for whatever reason. I can dig that. Close friends shouldn't be restricted by gender. At the same time, I've been that friend for a lot of chicks too and usually they're women I've slept with, dig? So just in case, I want him to know his damn role.


----------



## Steinmetzify

Sounds like you got it.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I hope so. I--like asher--tend to be less assertive than I should be as my personality is already a bit abrasive. I'm working on finding that sweet spot.


----------



## Yo_Wattup

So my GF doesnt like the nicknames I come up with for her.. What do?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Call her by her name.


----------



## Yo_Wattup

Get a load of this guy^^^


----------



## asher

Could also, like, ask her what she would prefer or be ok with


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Yo_Wattup said:


> So my GF doesnt like the nicknames I come up with for her.. What do?



Have you tried sugartits?
Otherwise whistle at her 

Also, with women, don't ever do what I suggest


----------



## asher

Someone dig up the appropriate Dimitri Martin routine, I'm about to ptfo.


----------



## chickenxnuggetz91

steinmetzify said:


> Was watching something with my wife last night on TV and it was a couple in the 'new relationship' stage, where everything is all new and giggly. Thought about that we'd never have that again.
> 
> True story, but then started thinking that I've been with her for a long ass time, the comfort level is there, the sex is still great (after TEN YEARS) and we get along and don't fight anymore at all.
> 
> Realized this is a lot better than jumping rock to rock chasing that feeling. Really digging my relationship the last few months; I'm always happy with her, and the little stuff that bugs me doesn't bother me so much anymore. Pretty stoked right now.



Nearly 6 years into my relationship so I know kinda know where you are.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

My sentimental life...


----------



## Pweaks

Long time reader, first time poster here!

So I have dated this girl for a few months now. For the last couple of weeks I have noticed that the "spark" is starting to wear off. You know, when you first hook up with someone and everything is new and amazing and spontaneous and all that. 

Now for the past two weeks she has been giving me these insinuations that I am distant or I don't relate enough to what she is telling me, be it problems with her mother, friends or stuff happening at her work. Now, I know that I am not the most out spoken and out going person and I have been told that I am this "stoic type of a guy". Then again, we've been friends for six years so she knows what type of a person I am. 

But I also know that I tend to over think and over analyze quite awfully at times. If she is trying to tell her worries to me, I might go in to this Sigmund Freud-mode and well, it's probably quite off putting. To simply put it, I am going for the solution rather than trying to be emphatic towards her. That's what most of women probably want. But yeah, I have a hard time trying to relate to people in general.

I know that if I don't do something, she is going to move on. There's also that in September she is most likely going to study abroad for the next ten months. That itself is not a problem, because my military service starts at January next year so we wouldn't be seeing each other that much anyway. We are both independent so it's not a problem but if we can't talk there's no way a long distance relationship is going to work. And we are both 19, so it seems a bit extreme when you have a life to live.

On paper, she seems like the "perfect girl". She is intelligent, holds similar interests to mine and is absolutely gorgeous. I have never really met a girl like her. But then again, I'm a guy who spends his days lifting weights, playing/writing music and reading books so I don't have an awful lot of experience when it comes to women, especially about actual relationships with them. 

So basically, am I just being a beta and should I just let things go the way they need to go? I have this strange feeling that I would like something drastic to happen but at the same time I feel like it's not going to happen.

I know this seems like your typical teenage drama bullshit and that's what it probably is but I would appreciate if any of guys had any perspective to this.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

If anyone remembers that I was talking to that girl, we agreed to see each other Saturday (i.e. the day that's just finished) but she hasn't responded to my messages since Thursday and we hadn't decided when/where yet thus canning it.

I'd understand if something was wrong but I've seen her online and posting on Facebook so why can't she just go to our conversation and respond? I've had one of the worst weeks just now (untimely bereavement re: my cousin in a car accident, one of my closest cousins emigrating which I hadn't known, finding out my best friends are all going on holiday and nobody told or invited me, and now this)

I ....ing hate being the sad-story attention-whore douche but I didn't need this at all, and I'm just so confused and disappointed. I feel like I've been ....ing played and don't even understand why.

/douche rant


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Captain Shoggoth said:


> If anyone remembers that I was talking to that girl, we agreed to see each other Saturday (i.e. the day that's just finished) but she hasn't responded to my messages since Thursday and we hadn't decided when/where yet thus canning it.
> 
> I'd understand if something was wrong but I've seen her online and posting on Facebook so why can't she just go to our conversation and respond? I've had one of the worst weeks just now (untimely bereavement re: my cousin in a car accident, one of my closest cousins emigrating which I hadn't known, finding out my best friends are all going on holiday and nobody told or invited me, and now this)
> 
> I ....ing hate being the sad-story attention-whore douche but I didn't need this at all, and I'm just so confused and disappointed. I feel like I've been ....ing played and don't even understand why.
> 
> /douche rant



It sucks...
Man...women are a big question mark with tits and stuff (not true, but you got what I mean).
The more you try to understand them, the more if you feel hopeless.
*bro hug*


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I need to privately message someone on here about something. Something serious happened to the girl I'm seeing and I don't feel comfortable posting about it.

If anyone wants to listen let me know. I can't talk to anyone I know about it.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

Captain Shoggoth said:


> If anyone remembers that I was talking to that girl, we agreed to see each other Saturday (i.e. the day that's just finished) but she hasn't responded to my messages since Thursday and we hadn't decided when/where yet thus canning it.
> 
> I'd understand if something was wrong but I've seen her online and posting on Facebook so why can't she just go to our conversation and respond? I've had one of the worst weeks just now (untimely bereavement re: my cousin in a car accident, one of my closest cousins emigrating which I hadn't known, finding out my best friends are all going on holiday and nobody told or invited me, and now this)
> 
> I ....ing hate being the sad-story attention-whore douche but I didn't need this at all, and I'm just so confused and disappointed. I feel like I've been ....ing played and don't even understand why.
> 
> /douche rant



F*U*CK 

I ....ed up.

following on from this she messaged me today saying this;

"I'm so sorry I had a big fight with my boyfriend about it but it's fine now I should've told you at the time but I just didn't know what I was gonna say"

I didn't even know she had a boyfriend and I get the overwhelmingly sinking feeling that I ....ed up massively either because I clearly misinterpreted her talking about her boyfriend she had last year (and they are still together) or she is with someone else and I never specifically ascertained if she was single

She's totally happy to meet as we planned (obviously this would now be strictly platonic) but I don't know how I feel about this, I don't want to cause a rift in a relationship and I don't know to what extent she knew how I felt.

f*u*ck f*u*ck f*u*ck f*u*ck f*u*ck f*u*ck f*u*ck


----------



## BucketheadRules

Captain Shoggoth said:


> I didn't even know she had a boyfriend



Glad I'm not the only one who's had this problem 

It sucks. Hope things look up for you dude


----------



## Konfyouzd

It's been one week and she can already read my mind. Whoa...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Capt Shoggy - 

That's the worst...


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

BucketheadRules said:


> Glad I'm not the only one who's had this problem
> 
> It sucks. Hope things look up for you dude





Konfyouzd said:


> Capt Shoggy -
> 
> That's the worst...



Thanks guys, serves me right for not checking 100% 

On the bright side we're still talking and I haven't lost a friend as I feared, and now I can revert back to grim scowling permavirgin type


----------



## DredFul

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> I need to privately message someone on here about something. Something serious happened to the girl I'm seeing and I don't feel comfortable posting about it.
> 
> If anyone wants to listen let me know. I can't talk to anyone I know about it.



Did you get in touch with anyone?


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

DredFul said:


> Did you get in touch with anyone?



I've been talking to him, dunno if anyone else has.


----------



## soliloquy

Yo_Wattup said:


> So my GF doesnt like the nicknames I come up with for her.. What do?



'hey! woman!'




in other news, that girl i was talking about from ok cupid. she finally messaged back a few days later. we have been talking some more. gave her my number, we started texting. added on fb, started talking some more. this girl really is awesome. but something is off kilter for her. i'm not sure what, but something feels off. sure, we both said 'friends first'. but i feel that i might either be getting played or something. she is either too shy; or doesn't like replying to random texts/messages; or she is just stringing me along.

i really hope i'm not being played. she is a bit hesitant on meeting. i'll try to push for saturday after my work, or sunday. i should get the hint after that i guess...

but shes sooooo awesome!!!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Awesome but seems strange? Try the direct approach. Ask her if there's something wrong/on her mind...


----------



## Kullerbytta

Damnit, women! Wai u so h4rd to understand?!..?

Seriously though... Fuck.
By the looks of things... My relationship with my (now possibly ex-)fiance is coming to an end after 6 years and one baby. 

That feels pretty damn bad. Making matters worse is having a little baby that the both of us won't be seeing every other week. 

I thought I'd found my soulmate... We were so good together. We could share everything with each other. I could fcking fart without having to think of what she'd think. Hell, _she_ could fart without caring, and I'd applaud if it was a good one. (pretty weird though...) 

If this is the end for us... I wish I could turn asexual in an instant. I don't want to go through what we've gone through these 6 years with someone else. 

And I don't want to lose my daughter every other week.


----------



## asher

What's up man?


----------



## soliloquy

Kullerbytta said:


> Damnit, women! Wai u so h4rd to understand?!..?
> 
> Seriously though... Fuck.
> By the looks of things... My relationship with my (now possibly ex-)fiance is coming to an end after 6 years and one baby.
> 
> That feels pretty damn bad. Making matters worse is having a little baby that the both of us won't be seeing every other week.
> 
> I thought I'd found my soulmate... We were so good together. We could share everything with each other. I could fcking fart without having to think of what she'd think. Hell, _she_ could fart without caring, and I'd applaud if it was a good one. (pretty weird though...)
> 
> If this is the end for us... I wish I could turn asexual in an instant. I don't want to go through what we've gone through these 6 years with someone else.
> 
> And I don't want to lose my daughter every other week.



with the exception of a child, my story is exactly like yours. was with my ex fiance for 6 years. thought she was perfect. it ended. at first i was hurt, but as days leaked into weeks to months, i started realizing that she really wasn't the right one. if she was your 'soul mate' then she wont be an 'ex' of yours. she left your life because she wasn't the 'right' one. 

you'll find the right one and it will make everything click in. all the pieces would fill in just fine and the schism you've created would be filled in perfect harmony.


----------



## MFB

MFB said:


> So uh, I went from this, back to my original state of panic because guess who's coming back up next week? We're getting together for what my roommates call "Winesday" which is hang out and drink wine on Wednesday, but I prefer to drink vodka so it's just drinking with the roommates/neighbors
> 
> We'll uh, see how this goes.



Re-scheduled for some time in the future due to weather, I can't keep dealing with these ups and downs.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Kullerbytta said:


> If this is the end for us... I wish I could turn asexual in an instant. I don't want to go through what we've gone through these 6 years with someone else.
> 
> *And I don't want to lose my daughter every other week.*



Speaking as a guy who's had divorced parents since he was 3, this part really killed me.

 you'll be okay man. We're all here for you.


----------



## vilk

soliloquy said:


> 'hey! woman!'
> 
> 
> 
> 
> in other news, that girl i was talking about from ok cupid. she finally messaged back a few days later. we have been talking some more. gave her my number, we started texting. added on fb, started talking some more. this girl really is awesome. but something is off kilter for her. i'm not sure what, but something feels off. sure, we both said 'friends first'. but i feel that i might either be getting played or something. she is either too shy; or doesn't like replying to random texts/messages; or she is just stringing me along.
> 
> i really hope i'm not being played. she is a bit hesitant on meeting. i'll try to push for saturday after my work, or sunday. i should get the hint after that i guess...
> 
> but shes sooooo awesome!!!


Dude, don't ever like OKC/internet girls until you've hung out with them irl. There are so many girls on that site that seem like the perfect girl for me and then when I actually meet them it's just the worst, no matter how natural and easy and fun things were going via message/text. On the other hand, there were girls I've met from OKC where the both of us were just looking for a lay (subconsciously or otherwise)/ didn't have much in common/ weren't so _particularly _interested in each other etc. when chatting on line but then actually really hit it off when we met each other and went out.

I guess I just don't get along with people that I get along with.


----------



## icos211

So I'm actually doing well with the girl from work, I've come to find out. She had been saying a lot of things about how much she thinks about me, how attractive she finds me, and how I'm the "coolest person that [she's] ever met". We went out a couple nights ago to the movies, and spent about two hours afterwards sitting in my car. We confirmed that we both had feelings for each other. So tonight when she came over to eat pizza and watch Star Wars (I'm starting her on the prequels so that she can enjoy them and then have her mind blown by the real ones, instead of being let down after the good ones by the prequels) for the first time, I did away with the whole trying to sneak your arm around her bullshit and just pulled her in close. She cuddled up with me and we ended up just laying there together after the movie. Pretty good stuff, I think. 

Now for the bad... She's really concerned about two things, which is preventing us from really being official. One is the fact that I leave in less than a month, and then we won't be able to see each other except every 4-5 weekends and breaks. She says that she's really big on being able to BE with the other person. And my last attempt at a long distance relationship lasted about 3 weeks. Then again, that girl I think had no intention of being with me even that long...
Also she says that every other guy she's dated has started out really similar; they are all sorts of sweet and nice to her to win her over, and then once they treat her worse and worse, and eventually just stop talking to her. Obviously I am treating her with the same high level of affection, trying to gain her favor, but I have no intention of that dissipating. Still, there's not much I can say to make her trust me, I could only show her. But then there is the question of distance in the way. Apparently things always go down hill for her after the first kiss, so the couple times that I have tried to kiss her she has given me the cheek. Sucks.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Alright, need some advice everyone. I'm not sure how to say it, so I'll just get right into it.

So, I've been dating this awesome young lady. And I really REALLY feel something special, something different for her. Things were going so smoothly for awhile. But in the past month, there have been some problems.


she kissed her ex. (So...cheating on me?)
she has a severe problem with alcohol and every single time that she gets drunk, she calls me to tell me that our relationship is over; but then she will wake up in the morning and act like nothing happened or she can't remember it.
she got shit-faced drunk one night, passed out, woke up with her ex banging her, and she didn't do anything. (So...cheating on me?)
she got kissed by a random stranger while shopping one day and let it happen. (So...cheating on me?)
she claimed last week to have given up drinking just for me; yet, she was lying because I caught her drinking again the other night while she was at her sister's place.
she let one of her male friends rub her "down there" the other night...and her her excuse was that she was "too sleepy" to try to prevent it or stop him; but, she was wearing clothing (yoga pants) and wouldn't let him touch her skin. (So...cheating on me?)
a friend of mine caught her dirty dancing and grinding on some dude at a club. I'm not even sure how she got in a club because she isn't 21 and of age to be allowed into a club.

All that. In the course of a month. (Obviously some problems like the alcohol have persisted for longer than that though and have always been a prevalent issue.) 

So, you might be asking: 'Hey Emperor G., why the hell are you still with her?"
And to be honest, I actually would not have know about any of that stuff if she had not come forward of her own free will and told me. (Whether it was out of loyalty or guilt.) And I respect that. - Number 5 and Number 7 on the list above are exceptions though because I specifically "caught her" in the act. But her coming forward and being honest, it makes me "want" to trust her; yet, at the same time she is intentionally doing behavior that causes me not to trust her and annihilates any trust that ever was present. I feel like a need a damn babysitter to keep an eye on her whenever I'm not around. It's ridiculous, and it has left me paranoid.

Am I a fool? Is this worth it? I'm literally exasperated right now beyond measure. I won't leave her. (I'll admit it, I'm too attached and too weak of a human to call it off.) But something NEEDS to be done. I NEED to offer her some kind of ultimatum or else I will probably get the guts to leave her.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Cut that chick loose, man. A lot of that sounds like convenient excuses since alcohol is involved.


----------



## vilk

My vote is for trying to distance yourself from this person emotionally while continuing to bang her. 

or, you should start pulling that shit on her and maybe she'll realize the error of her ways? but chances are you'll just break up. But that sounds like it'd be a good thing for you.


About the being too weak to leave a bad chick who you're stuck on-- I feel that. I'm almost kinda going through a similar thing right now. But my solution so far has been self medication and constantly trying to talk to other girls. Once you get another girl on the line you'll lose any notion you might have that you need this crappy girlfriend you've got now. Sometimes it feels like you'll never get anyone better (especially if this girl you're with is hot), but I think you'd have to agree that she's setting the bar pretty low? I'd cut ties 100% with the stupid bitch I'm crazy about if I hadn't accidentally knocked her up.


----------



## cwhitey2

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Alright, need some advice everyone. I'm not sure how to say it, so I'll just get right into it.
> 
> So, I've been dating this awesome young lady. And I really REALLY feel something special, something different for her. Things were going so smoothly for awhile. But in the past month, there have been some problems.
> 
> 
> she kissed her ex. (So...cheating on me?)
> she has a severe problem with alcohol and every single time that she gets drunk, she calls me to tell me that our relationship is over; but then she will wake up in the morning and act like nothing happened or she can't remember it.
> she got shit-faced drunk one night, passed out, woke up with her ex banging her, and she didn't do anything. (So...cheating on me?)
> she got kissed by a random stranger while shopping one day and let it happen. (So...cheating on me?)
> she claimed last week to have given up drinking just for me; yet, she was lying because I caught her drinking again the other night while she was at her sister's place.
> she let one of her male friends rub her "down there" the other night...and her her excuse was that she was "too sleepy" to try to prevent it or stop him; but, she was wearing clothing (yoga pants) and wouldn't let him touch her skin. (So...cheating on me?)
> a friend of mine caught her dirty dancing and grinding on some dude at a club. I'm not even sure how she got in a club because she isn't 21 and of age to be allowed into a club.
> 
> All that. In the course of a month. (Obviously some problems like the alcohol have persisted for longer than that though and have always been a prevalent issue.)
> 
> So, you might be asking: 'Hey Emperor G., why the hell are you still with her?"
> And to be honest, I actually would not have know about any of that stuff if she had not come forward of her own free will and told me. (Whether it was out of loyalty or guilt.) And I respect that. - Number 5 and Number 7 on the list above are exceptions though because I specifically "caught her" in the act. But her coming forward and being honest, it makes me "want" to trust her; yet, at the same time she is intentionally doing behavior that causes me not to trust her and annihilates any trust that ever was present. I feel like a need a damn babysitter to keep an eye on her whenever I'm not around. It's ridiculous, and it has left me paranoid.
> 
> Am I a fool? Is this worth it? I'm literally exasperated right now beyond measure. I won't leave her. (I'll admit it, I'm too attached and too weak of a human to call it off.) But something NEEDS to be done. I NEED to offer her some kind of ultimatum or else I will probably get the guts to leave her.



Run like the wind.


----------



## flint757

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Alright, need some advice everyone. I'm not sure how to say it, so I'll just get right into it.
> 
> So, I've been dating this awesome young lady. And I really REALLY feel something special, something different for her. Things were going so smoothly for awhile. But in the past month, there have been some problems.
> 
> 
> she kissed her ex. (So...cheating on me?)
> she has a severe problem with alcohol and every single time that she gets drunk, she calls me to tell me that our relationship is over; but then she will wake up in the morning and act like nothing happened or she can't remember it.
> she got shit-faced drunk one night, passed out, woke up with her ex banging her, and she didn't do anything. (So...cheating on me?)
> she got kissed by a random stranger while shopping one day and let it happen. (So...cheating on me?)
> she claimed last week to have given up drinking just for me; yet, she was lying because I caught her drinking again the other night while she was at her sister's place.
> she let one of her male friends rub her "down there" the other night...and her her excuse was that she was "too sleepy" to try to prevent it or stop him; but, she was wearing clothing (yoga pants) and wouldn't let him touch her skin. (So...cheating on me?)
> a friend of mine caught her dirty dancing and grinding on some dude at a club. I'm not even sure how she got in a club because she isn't 21 and of age to be allowed into a club.
> 
> All that. In the course of a month. (Obviously some problems like the alcohol have persisted for longer than that though and have always been a prevalent issue.)
> 
> So, you might be asking: 'Hey Emperor G., why the hell are you still with her?"
> And to be honest, I actually would not have know about any of that stuff if she had not come forward of her own free will and told me. (Whether it was out of loyalty or guilt.) And I respect that. - Number 5 and Number 7 on the list above are exceptions though because I specifically "caught her" in the act. But her coming forward and being honest, it makes me "want" to trust her; yet, at the same time she is intentionally doing behavior that causes me not to trust her and annihilates any trust that ever was present. I feel like a need a damn babysitter to keep an eye on her whenever I'm not around. It's ridiculous, and it has left me paranoid.
> 
> Am I a fool? Is this worth it? I'm literally exasperated right now beyond measure. I won't leave her. (I'll admit it, I'm too attached and too weak of a human to call it off.) But something NEEDS to be done. I NEED to offer her some kind of ultimatum or else I will probably get the guts to leave her.



Dude....you need to get out. She's messing around with other dudes and lying to you to boot. She is definitely telling you because of guilt or maybe fear that you'll find out some other way. She's either being sexually harassed/assaulted by these dudes or she is okay with it; can't have it both ways. Too sleepy to stop someone from groping you? Yeah right. At the very least drunk girlfriend really likes to cheat on you and if she has an alcohol problem she's probably drunk a lot. Up to you on how much you're willing to put up with, but I'd suggest leaving her. I don't think you're capable (based on what you're saying) of just sleeping with her and abandoning the need for exclusivity or an emotional bond. All you're going to end up being is hurt. Just my .

One other thing, if her ex was banging her while she was passed out and she genuinely wasn't okay with it that's bordering on rape. If she still talks to, hangs with or even sees this guy after an incident like that it was either a little consensual (while she was drunk or after the fact) or she was just straight up okay with it. Not to be harsh, but she will likely cheat on you again. I have to wonder how good your relationship is through her eyes if while she's drunk she always wants to break up (likely also leading to the grinding, groping and sex that comes with that it seems). Drunk girlfriend just wants to have a good time and more than likely saying she wants to break up gives her, in the moment, guilt free time to mess around with other guys. You'd be best off distancing yourself from this situation.


----------



## Konfyouzd

flint757 said:


> Drunk girlfriend just wants to have a good time and more than likely saying she wants to break up gives her, in the moment, guilt free time to mess around with other guys. You'd be best off distancing yourself from this situation.



^


----------



## UnderTheSign

That's a guaranteed break up to me.


----------



## Konfyouzd

And a potential choke out if I haven't been to the gym that day...


----------



## BlackMastodon

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Alright, need some advice everyone. I'm not sure how to say it, so I'll just get right into it.
> 
> So, I've been dating this awesome young lady. And I really REALLY feel something special, something different for her. Things were going so smoothly for awhile. But in the past month, there have been some problems.
> 
> 
> she kissed her ex. (*So...cheating on me?*)


Yes. Already, she should be gone from your life.



Emperor Guillotine said:


> So, you might be asking: 'Hey Emperor G., why the hell are you still with her?"
> And to be honest, I actually would not have know about any of that stuff if she had not come forward of her own free will and told me. (Whether it was out of loyalty or guilt.) And I respect that. - Number 5 and Number 7 on the list above are exceptions though because I specifically "caught her" in the act. But her coming forward and being honest,* it makes me "want" to trust her*...



What?! No dude. Don't trust her for a second because she is already walking all over you.



Emperor Guillotine said:


> *Am I a fool?* Is this worth it? I'm literally exasperated right now beyond measure. I won't leave her. (I'll admit it, I'm too attached and too weak of a human to call it off.) But something NEEDS to be done. I NEED to offer her some kind of ultimatum or else I will probably get the guts to leave her.


Sorry to be harsh, but yeah you kind of are if you can't see for yourself that you need this girl the f**k out of your life ASAP. This will not stop if you stay with her and it's only going to get so much worse. Get angry (you should've already been miles past angry at some of this shit...) and tell her to kick rocks. There are plenty of women that don't skank around and use you and staying with one that does out of some kind of fear or guilt is horse shit. You need to get rid of her, man.


----------



## soliloquy

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Alright, need some advice everyone. I'm not sure how to say it, so I'll just get right into it.
> 
> So, I've been dating this awesome young lady. And I really REALLY feel something special, something different for her. Things were going so smoothly for awhile. But in the past month, there have been some problems.
> 
> 
> she kissed her ex. (So...cheating on me?)
> she has a severe problem with alcohol and every single time that she gets drunk, she calls me to tell me that our relationship is over; but then she will wake up in the morning and act like nothing happened or she can't remember it.
> she got shit-faced drunk one night, passed out, woke up with her ex banging her, and she didn't do anything. (So...cheating on me?)
> she got kissed by a random stranger while shopping one day and let it happen. (So...cheating on me?)
> she claimed last week to have given up drinking just for me; yet, she was lying because I caught her drinking again the other night while she was at her sister's place.
> she let one of her male friends rub her "down there" the other night...and her her excuse was that she was "too sleepy" to try to prevent it or stop him; but, she was wearing clothing (yoga pants) and wouldn't let him touch her skin. (So...cheating on me?)
> a friend of mine caught her dirty dancing and grinding on some dude at a club. I'm not even sure how she got in a club because she isn't 21 and of age to be allowed into a club.
> 
> All that. In the course of a month. (Obviously some problems like the alcohol have persisted for longer than that though and have always been a prevalent issue.)
> 
> So, you might be asking: 'Hey Emperor G., why the hell are you still with her?"
> And to be honest, I actually would not have know about any of that stuff if she had not come forward of her own free will and told me. (Whether it was out of loyalty or guilt.) And I respect that. - Number 5 and Number 7 on the list above are exceptions though because I specifically "caught her" in the act. But her coming forward and being honest, it makes me "want" to trust her; yet, at the same time she is intentionally doing behavior that causes me not to trust her and annihilates any trust that ever was present. I feel like a need a damn babysitter to keep an eye on her whenever I'm not around. It's ridiculous, and it has left me paranoid.
> 
> Am I a fool? Is this worth it? I'm literally exasperated right now beyond measure. I won't leave her. (I'll admit it, I'm too attached and too weak of a human to call it off.) But something NEEDS to be done. I NEED to offer her some kind of ultimatum or else I will probably get the guts to leave her.



you seem like an intelligent guy. use your head. i mean the other head. i would strongly advice you cutting contact. not even sexual favours as if shes drunk and having sex with god knows how many people, you really dont want whatever she has. she only told you about the stuff she remembers. imagine the stuff she isn't telling you because she herself doesnt know.

i know/knew of this couple where the guy was in her hands. sweetest guy you'll ever know. she on the other hand was insane and never knew how good she had it in him. she kept sleeping around with other guys and obviously he would get pissed, but never enough to break it off with her. she kept saying 'why dont you leave me then'. it seems that is what your chick is trying to do. forcing you to break up with her. she may not be saying it, but she is wanting you to break it up with her. do it. no, not her! break up with her. 

and if shes that young, she really should have no reason to be so drunk all the time. shes an alcoholic. if thats how she deals with her problems, then you really dont want her getting drunk because she's pmsing and waking up next to some random bloke


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Alright, need some advice everyone. I'm not sure how to say it, so I'll just get right into it.
> 
> So, I've been dating this awesome young lady. And I really REALLY feel something special, something different for her. Things were going so smoothly for awhile. But in the past month, there have been some problems.
> 
> 
> she kissed her ex. (So...cheating on me?)
> she has a severe problem with alcohol and every single time that she gets drunk, she calls me to tell me that our relationship is over; but then she will wake up in the morning and act like nothing happened or she can't remember it.
> she got shit-faced drunk one night, passed out, woke up with her ex banging her, and she didn't do anything. (So...cheating on me?)
> she got kissed by a random stranger while shopping one day and let it happen. (So...cheating on me?)
> she claimed last week to have given up drinking just for me; yet, she was lying because I caught her drinking again the other night while she was at her sister's place.
> she let one of her male friends rub her "down there" the other night...and her her excuse was that she was "too sleepy" to try to prevent it or stop him; but, she was wearing clothing (yoga pants) and wouldn't let him touch her skin. (So...cheating on me?)
> a friend of mine caught her dirty dancing and grinding on some dude at a club. I'm not even sure how she got in a club because she isn't 21 and of age to be allowed into a club.
> 
> All that. In the course of a month. (Obviously some problems like the alcohol have persisted for longer than that though and have always been a prevalent issue.)
> 
> So, you might be asking: 'Hey Emperor G., why the hell are you still with her?"
> And to be honest, I actually would not have know about any of that stuff if she had not come forward of her own free will and told me. (Whether it was out of loyalty or guilt.) And I respect that. - Number 5 and Number 7 on the list above are exceptions though because I specifically "caught her" in the act. But her coming forward and being honest, it makes me "want" to trust her; yet, at the same time she is intentionally doing behavior that causes me not to trust her and annihilates any trust that ever was present. I feel like a need a damn babysitter to keep an eye on her whenever I'm not around. It's ridiculous, and it has left me paranoid.
> 
> Am I a fool? Is this worth it? I'm literally exasperated right now beyond measure. I won't leave her. (I'll admit it, I'm too attached and too weak of a human to call it off.) But something NEEDS to be done. I NEED to offer her some kind of ultimatum or else I will probably get the guts to leave her.




Straight up, dump her. She's toxic, regardless of how good she is when she's good. As far as I'm concerned, she's just using "being honest" as an excuse. If someone steals my kidneys, and later fesses up to it, they still took my ....ing kidneys. It in no way helps when they take your teeth, and fess up to that either.

With all due respect, you need to man the .... up and kick this bitch to the curb. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but at this point you're being told that what she's doing is beyond ....ed. Any further shit that happens to fall on your head at this point is all on you. I understand it's hard to do, but you legit need to do it. Lord knows I was in a pretty toxic relationship before I met my wife. Initiating everything is the hard part, but you _need_ to do it.

edit:


flint757 said:


> One other thing, if her ex was banging her while she was passed out and she genuinely wasn't okay with it that's bordering on rape.



It's not "bordering," it would be rape if that legitimately happened. I don't buy it for a single second, or if it did she was perfectly fine with it. Says a lot about her ex, too, if he's willing to .... someone who couldn't give consent. She sounds like trash, and no amount of good ....ing, hotness, and similar interests would be able to get me in the same room as someone like her.

edit edit: I want to take a second to let you know I feel for you. I don't want to come off as a dick or anything. It's sometimes cripplingly depressing when stuff like this happens, and I wish you all the best. I just hope that if a few folks prod you in the right direction that you'll take steps towards bettering your situation. Unfortunately, all of those steps involve moving away from her.


----------



## soliloquy

so, i asked out the girl from okcupid. the first reply i got wasnt one i was looking for. not a rejection, just ambiguous. i asked her out by saying id like to know her outside of cyberspace, so when is a good time for her? she replied with a 'humm...you mean talking over the phone or in person?"

how could anyone misinterpret that? :S 

then i reiterated and said if shes not comfortable, thats cool, i understand.
replied as 'took you a while. actually i asked if you wanted to meet a while ago and i though you brushed it off'

i never got no said message of her asking me out...but whatever...


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Chokey Chicken said:


> She sounds like trash, and no amount of good ....ing, hotness, and similar interests would be able to get me in the same room as someone like her.
> 
> edit edit: I want to take a second to let you know I feel for you. I don't want to come off as a dick or anything. It's sometimes cripplingly depressing when stuff like this happens, and I wish you all the best. I just hope that if a few folks prod you in the right direction that you'll take steps towards bettering your situation. Unfortunately, all of those steps involve moving away from her.


I now feel the need to comment after taking careful observation of every comment that has been made in response to my post.

1.) First off, I would like to thank everyone who has contributed in providing me with an answer thus far. You all know how it goes when the heart overrides the brain and things (such as common sense) become fuzzy and blurred as emotions get in the way.

2.) None of you guys have come across as dicks. No worries. I appreciate the honesty and bluntness. (Obviously it is something I'm not used to hearing based on the person I've been dating. Am I right?)

3.) All of you have provided me with the correct answers as far as I can tell. I have been contemplating it for a long time, and this post was really just my means of confirmation. There is no hope. Pretty much, tonight I'm going to give her a summation of things including her wrongs that have led me up to this point.....and end it. Initiation is the hardest step. But it's not so bad since I've been contemplating it. --- I was thinking of offering her an ultimatum and saying: "here is what you need to change or else I'm leaving for good". But I know she won't listen and heed it. In fact, maybe it is like what soliloquy said: maybe she wants me to break up with her?

4.) BlackMastodon: ever since the first incident on my list, I've been angry. But I am indeed miles past angry. I've literally wanted to smack the shit out of everyone involved even if it was in the slightest way. I've never been this angry before. Or this paranoid. And these two feelings have obviously taken a toll on my mental health.

5.) Chokey: best advice I've read, man. At least you put it exactly as I wanted to hear it.



Chokey Chicken said:


> She sounds like trash, and no amount of good ....ing, hotness, and similar interests would be able to get me in the same room as someone like her.


This makes me realize that those three things are what is holding us together. And I'm starting to side with you. If I knew more about her personality and was able to predict such behavior beforehand, I would've never set foot in a room with her...or a person like her. (Usually I am an immensely good judge of character upon first impression. it's just an intuitive gift I guess. But not with her. I couldn't figure her out.) But in short, it's just not worth it.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

My dudes. Given that I work way too much and have had my social life more or less assassinated because of that, I decided to try Tinder. I've learned a few things in the process: 

1) Very attractive women find me a lot more attractive than I ever really thought. Don't sell yourselves short, guys. Chances are, your self-doubt is fvcking you. However, I'd say a good portion of the women who've liked me only did so because they have a thing for beards and tattoos. Most of my matches have also been younger than me, and I'm assuming that's because older women think I look unprofessional.

2) there are a lot of really fvcking boring people out there. I've never been one for small-talk, but christ, I've never found that friendly communication could at times feel quite so much like pulling teeth.

3) Even in a situation in which they know the guy is attracted to them, women NEVER initiate the conversation. Out of the roughly 30-40 matches I've had in the last month and a half (or so), a grand total of one girl has started the conversation, simply saying: "". Good for her, she's the first one I agreed to meet in person.

4) If you try starting a conversation with a simple, "hey, how are you?" some women simply won't have it. They expect you to find something unique and charming to say to every one of them (based on as little as one photo, which means you _really_ gotta reach sometimes), which at some point makes you start feeling like a slime bag, and gets really fvcking tiring. 

5) There are _actually_ some decent, sane and attractive women on Tinder. 

6) Every girl on tinder has at least once, but more likely multiple times, been harassed or verbally abused, or just straight-up asked for sexual favours. I already assumed this was the case, but every single girl I've met has confirmed it.

7) Some girls feel the need to tell the world (through their self-description) what kind of guys they don't like. "If you have shirtless pictures, I won't like you", "No bros", etc. Why do they believe these things matter? Who cares if a guy with no shirt on or a bro likes you if you're not going to like them back anyway? All that does is make you come across as a condescending bitch. Even guys who don't like that shit either probably won't want to be around your judgmental ass. You've been given space to say something about yourself, why do you feel the need to use that space to peddle negativity?

8) It fvcking works. I was skeptical. I'm weird about communicating over the internet and even texting. I'm a very face-to-face or over the phone communicator but none the less, the experience has exceeded my expectations. I've met some really attractive, funny, interesting and nice girls. There wasn't necessarily a connection with all of them and I'm still single, but I've hung out with cool girls I never would have met in another social context or within my own social circle. I've also had some really good sex, to boot. There are still a couple of girls who've given me their number and I haven't met yet because of my schedule, but I'll be a little less skeptical going forward.


----------



## Yo_Wattup

And she might be preggers. I am 22. I have a gf that is also 22.

I feel like shit. I am a worthless POS. What would you do? Apart from commit suicide?

Thanks to anyone who cares.


----------



## MFB

Man the fvck up and talk to both of them about their respective scenarios. 39 year old, talk to her about what happened and how to handle it. Your girlfriend, tell her you fvxked up hard and how you're gonna handle the whole thing and if you love her - pray to God she doesn't dump your ass on the spot.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Update: Sooooooo get this guys... (Specifically those of you who answered my plight in my last post on the last page.)

The girl and I were talking today and I was thinking about how I could tell her it is over. But she suddenly says: "I don't want to be with you anymore." After talking about it (in a rather uncivil and aggressive manner), she declared that she never wanted to be with me after our second week of dating.

(Wait...back up...NAW SHIT? REALLY? WHAT GAVE IT AWAY?)

At this point, I'm shocked. She has wasted all of this (MY) time throughout the course of this relationship. Furthermore, she says that she MADE UP those stories about other guys kissing her and her ex banging her (etc...etc...) all because she wanted me to break up with her......because apparently she never thought that she could do it herself? 0.o (She also admitted to being a virgin - straight up, I haven't touched her. Just clarifying. But I highly doubt this story because I still believe she screwed a few guys before falling into my hands. I remember when she admitted it to me back when we first started dating. She had no reason to lie back then. But she has no reason to lie now unless she is just demented and hellbent on twisting things as far from reality as possible.)

She then proceeded to call it off, but I made her feel damn guilty by making sure she knew all the wrongs she had done and by verbally chastising her and telling her that I was doing all 100% of the work in our pathetic excuse for a relationship while she kept a sick facade up and did nothing but manipulate me. She then kept trying to call it off, but I kept making her laugh by being weird and cheesy, which apparently was making it hard. And then I told her that I had to leave and that she needed time to think and do some introspection and learn to GROW THE F--- UP. And with that, I left. (Physically left.)

She now is calling me on my phone and leaving voicemails saying just random shit. And I mean...RANDOM. (Just messages like: "you little f--ker" in a totally kidding voice.) This signals to me that she still wants me..........whether because she has feelings for me, or she just doesn't want to lose the person she manipulates for her own selfish benefit.

I'm so lost here now.
I know I need to move on.
But neither of us called it off, nor mutually agreed to split. (I mean, we more than discussed it? Initiation on her part and on mine even though we never finalized the words?)
And I'm so confused. 
Am I single or still in the relationship?
I know I need to move on.


----------



## Eliguy666

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Update: Sooooooo get this guys... (Specifically those of you who answered my plight in my last post on the last page.)
> 
> The girl and I were talking today and I was thinking about how I could tell her it is over. But she suddenly says: "I don't want to be with you anymore." After talking about it (in a rather uncivil and aggressive manner), she declared that she never wanted to be with me after our second week of dating.
> 
> (Wait...back up...NAW SHIT? REALLY? WHAT GAVE IT AWAY?)
> 
> At this point, I'm shocked. She has wasted all of this (MY) time throughout the course of this relationship. Furthermore, she says that she MADE UP those stories about other guys kissing her and her ex banging her (etc...etc...) all because she wanted me to break up with her......because apparently she never thought that she could it herself? 0.o (She also admitted to being a virgin - straight up, I haven't touched her. Just clarifying. But I highly doubt this story because I still believe she screwed a few guys before falling into my hands. I remember when she admitted it to me back when we first started dating. She had no reason to lie back then. But she has no reason to lie now unless she is just demented and hellbent on twisting things as far from reality as possible.)
> 
> She then proceeded to call it off, but I made her feel damn guilty by making sure she knew all the wrongs she had done and by verbally chastising her and telling her that I was doing all 100% of the work in our pathetic excuse for a relationship while she kept a sick facade up and did nothing but manipulate me. She then kept trying to call it off, but I kept making her laugh by being weird and cheesy, which apparently was making it hard. And then I told her that I had to leave and that she needed time to think and do some introspection and learn to GROW THE F--- UP. And with that, I left.
> 
> She now is calling me on my phone and leaving voicemails saying just random shit. And I mean...RANDOM. (Just messages like: "you little f--ker" in a totally kidding voice.) This signals to me that she still wants me..........whether because she has feelings for me, or she just doesn't want to lose the person she manipulates for her own benefit.
> 
> I'm so lost here now.
> I know I need to move on.
> But neither of us called it off, nor mutually agreed to split. (I mean, we more than discussed it, right? Initiation?)
> And I'm so confused.
> Am I single or still in the relationship?
> I know I need to move on.



If you don't want to date her, then you are NOT dating. You can just call her back and say that you two are done, but that's unnecessary really after a shouting match about both of you wanting to break up.


----------



## flint757

Dude, she is crazy. That behavior is very reminiscent of someone with bipolar-ism (at least in my experience). You caught her doing some of those things so it isn't all made up (I doubt any of it was) and she is just screwing with you. I'd be willing to bet all of those things did in fact happen. Even if they didn't that is some master level manipulation. If she did all of that to get you to break up with her and she doesn't even like you why would you want to stick around? Seriously.

She's clearly very unstable and you just need to move on and get her out of your life. Move on to someone who isn't bat shit insane. She's made that easier for you by just doing it. Don't get sucked back in...

If you wanted to break it off and she said she wanted to end the relationship why would you think you're still in a relationship? We aren't forced to be in them. It is a two party agreement. You have the power to walk away just as much as she does.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Whoa...

My problems don't seem like problems anymore.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

flint757 said:


> Dude, she is crazy. That behavior is very reminiscent of someone with bipolar-ism (at least in my experience).


As bad as this sounds, multiple times in our relationship I have "almost" called her bipolar...but bit my tongue because I knew it would upset her. (Signaling that it is probably true.)

I did tell her that she needs to get a full, thorough mental evaluation at a clinic once...


----------



## Konfyouzd

That doesn't sound healthy. Find someone who makes you happy. Or at least happier than she does.


----------



## soliloquy

i've tried a few online dating apps (i use it through my phone, so my experience might be different...)

hot or not: lasted about 2 weeks. i found it very superficial. sure, i got a date out of it. but the only way to talk to someone is if they like you back. 

tinder: seeing your friends from facebook on it is weird. seeing random strangers knowing your friends is also weird. i lasted about 2 weeks here as well as everyone i found there was exactly what JeffFromMtl mentioned: 'no bros and try saying something other than hey!' even if i post a random question that is anything BUT 'hey, whats up?' you still get nothing. even random questions like 'you are a new color in a box of crayons, what color are you and why?' something that forces them to actually use their mind. deleted app fairly shortly after

plenty of fish: it may have plenty of people, but what a horrible app! it constantly keeps crashing; it wont show if you sent a message to someone. it randomly deletes messages other people sent to you. for what its worth, this was the first app that i found women actually messaging you first. i lasted here about 3 days before i quit

okcupid: this i'm actually liking. no crashes. easy to organize and navigate through. gives you enough info and space to write appropriate stuff. its compatibility quiz is fairly broad and has interesting questions. there is more for you to start conversations with. have been using it for a few months now



my problem, apparently somewhere in the back of my mind i'm looking for a penpal first, then a friend, then a few dates then maybe a relationship. most women aren't interested in long chats...whatever, i like taking things slow


----------



## Steinmetzify

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Update: Sooooooo get this guys... (Specifically those of you who answered my plight in my last post on the last page.)
> 
> The girl and I were talking today and I was thinking about how I could tell her it is over. But she suddenly says: "I don't want to be with you anymore." After talking about it (in a rather uncivil and aggressive manner), she declared that she never wanted to be with me after our second week of dating.
> 
> (Wait...back up...NAW SHIT? REALLY? WHAT GAVE IT AWAY?)
> 
> At this point, I'm shocked. She has wasted all of this (MY) time throughout the course of this relationship. Furthermore, she says that she MADE UP those stories about other guys kissing her and her ex banging her (etc...etc...) all because she wanted me to break up with her......because apparently she never thought that she could do it herself? 0.o (She also admitted to being a virgin - straight up, I haven't touched her. Just clarifying. But I highly doubt this story because I still believe she screwed a few guys before falling into my hands. I remember when she admitted it to me back when we first started dating. She had no reason to lie back then. But she has no reason to lie now unless she is just demented and hellbent on twisting things as far from reality as possible.)
> 
> She then proceeded to call it off, but I made her feel damn guilty by making sure she knew all the wrongs she had done and by verbally chastising her and telling her that I was doing all 100% of the work in our pathetic excuse for a relationship while she kept a sick facade up and did nothing but manipulate me. She then kept trying to call it off, but I kept making her laugh by being weird and cheesy, which apparently was making it hard. And then I told her that I had to leave and that she needed time to think and do some introspection and learn to GROW THE F--- UP. And with that, I left. (Physically left.)
> 
> She now is calling me on my phone and leaving voicemails saying just random shit. And I mean...RANDOM. (Just messages like: "you little f--ker" in a totally kidding voice.) This signals to me that she still wants me..........whether because she has feelings for me, or she just doesn't want to lose the person she manipulates for her own selfish benefit.
> 
> I'm so lost here now.
> I know I need to move on.
> But neither of us called it off, nor mutually agreed to split. (I mean, we more than discussed it? Initiation on her part and on mine even though we never finalized the words?)
> And I'm so confused.
> Am I single or still in the relationship?
> I know I need to move on.



Dude....this chick is INSANE. The very best thing you could do right now is block her damn number and never talk to her again. 

She has no respect for herself and therefore no way to respect you. I read this whole thing and couldn't believe it, and then at the end to tell you it was all a lie? I cannot believe the anguish this must have put you through, and even knowing it's not true does nothing to diminish those feelings. Run. Run your ....in ass off and don't ever look back except on nights drinking and laughing and remembering how you got away. Take it from me, there are always more women. ALWAYS. 

Tl;dr: run quickly away from crazy wherever it happens to be.


----------



## Steinmetzify

One more thing and I'm off your case man....last page when you had the list? 

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE THINGS WOULD HAVE ME WALKING. 

I'm not the best looking dude in the world nor do I have the most $, but I'm a funny motherfvcker and I have no problems getting women. I have been with my wife (who is the hottest woman I've ever had the pleasure to see irl) for over 10 years, and if SHE did any of those things I'd be out the door. 

There is absolutely no reason for you to stay with a woman after she's done all of those things, or even SAYS she has. To put it as nicely as I can, man....self respect is a wonderful thing and I want you to do everything you can to find yours again. If you loved and respected yourself, you'd have been out after #1, instead of waiting around for the rest of the list to happen. There are certain things that are just not done in a relationship, and that list was a whole lot of them. 

Good luck sir.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Update: Sooooooo get this guys... (Specifically those of you who answered my plight in my last post on the last page.)
> 
> The girl and I were talking today and I was thinking about how I could tell her it is over. But she suddenly says: "I don't want to be with you anymore." After talking about it (in a rather uncivil and aggressive manner), she declared that she never wanted to be with me after our second week of dating.
> 
> (Wait...back up...NAW SHIT? REALLY? WHAT GAVE IT AWAY?)
> 
> At this point, I'm shocked. She has wasted all of this (MY) time throughout the course of this relationship. Furthermore, she says that she MADE UP those stories about other guys kissing her and her ex banging her (etc...etc...) all because she wanted me to break up with her......because apparently she never thought that she could do it herself? 0.o (She also admitted to being a virgin - straight up, I haven't touched her. Just clarifying. But I highly doubt this story because I still believe she screwed a few guys before falling into my hands. I remember when she admitted it to me back when we first started dating. She had no reason to lie back then. But she has no reason to lie now unless she is just demented and hellbent on twisting things as far from reality as possible.)
> 
> She then proceeded to call it off, but I made her feel damn guilty by making sure she knew all the wrongs she had done and by verbally chastising her and telling her that I was doing all 100% of the work in our pathetic excuse for a relationship while she kept a sick facade up and did nothing but manipulate me. She then kept trying to call it off, but I kept making her laugh by being weird and cheesy, which apparently was making it hard. And then I told her that I had to leave and that she needed time to think and do some introspection and learn to GROW THE F--- UP. And with that, I left. (Physically left.)
> 
> She now is calling me on my phone and leaving voicemails saying just random shit. And I mean...RANDOM. (Just messages like: "you little f--ker" in a totally kidding voice.) This signals to me that she still wants me..........whether because she has feelings for me, or she just doesn't want to lose the person she manipulates for her own selfish benefit.
> 
> I'm so lost here now.
> I know I need to move on.
> But neither of us called it off, nor mutually agreed to split. (I mean, we more than discussed it? Initiation on her part and on mine even though we never finalized the words?)
> And I'm so confused.
> Am I single or still in the relationship?
> I know I need to move on.



There's nothing to be lost about. Honestly, you sound like you're trying to kid yourself. Just because nobody said "we're done" doesn't mean things are better. It's like a bugs bunny cartoon where he distracts the ....er from killing him by pointing out something totally unrelated. She momentarily lost track of what she was trying to do, which was break up with you. Which apparently she's wanted to do for a while now. Clear things up, one of you needs to say it out loud and you guys need to go your separate ways. Hell, even if you're still technically in a relationship, it's a bad one with no future and you need to jump ship while you still can.

What I'm going to say is going to be a bit harsh, but it's the truth. She's not into you. There is no future with this girl, and the sooner you come to terms with that, the sooner you can move onto someone worthwhile. Once you're in a relationship with someone who gives a .... about you, you'll look back on this shit stain of a relationship and laugh at how hard you tried to cling to it.





> *So I banged a 39 y/o.* And she might be preggers. I am 22. I have a gf that is also 22.
> 
> I feel like shit. I am a worthless POS. What would you do? Apart from commit suicide?
> 
> Thanks to anyone who cares.


Just because you've done something reprehensible that might have lifelong consequences doesn't mean you're worthless. Your life isn't over, and suicide is hardly a good path to take. Seriously, once you move past the initial shitty feeling, you can have a perfectly happy life, regardless of what happens. First and foremost, you need to own your mistake. You need to have a sit down with your girlfriend and tell her what happened. You also need to know that this is nearly guaranteed to end your relationship, but it needs to be done. You can't hold any animosity towards your girlfriend if and/or when she reacts poorly to this, as she has every right to. How you and the possibly pregnant girl handle whatever might happen is another conversation that needs to be had.

Basically, talk to them both.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Update: So she calls again after I've taken a nice long break and made myself some dinner and ate and feelin' good. And she says...

"Hey babe, remember when I got accepted for those acting classes at the institution?... This was a project."

-.-

Click. Nope. Done. Blocked. F--k you. Get lost. Terminated. Goodbye.

BACK TO THE SINGLE LIFE! Lived it for so long that I honestly don't know any other life.
 Now, let's get back to my first and only love...MY GUITAR!


----------



## Steinmetzify

Good job man!


----------



## asher

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Update: So she calls again after I've taken a nice long break and made myself some dinner and ate and feelin' good. And she says...
> 
> "Hey babe, remember when I got accepted for those acting classes at the institution?... This was a project."
> 
> -.-
> 
> Click. Nope. Done. Blocked. F--k you. Get lost. Terminated. Goodbye.
> 
> BACK TO THE SINGLE LIFE! Lived it for so long that I honestly don't know any other life.
> Now, let's get back to my first and only love...MY GUITAR!



Wow.

Dude.

There's a line. She didn't toe it, she jumped it with a rocket pack.


----------



## Eliguy666

Emperor Guillotine said:


> "Hey babe, remember when I got accepted for those acting classes at the institution?... This was a project."



That is... a very low effort insult on her part. Totally impossible for it to be true.

Then again, if it was, she's failed that project really badly on account of appearing crazy and unreasonable the whole way through.


----------



## Nile

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Update: So she calls again after I've taken a nice long break and made myself some dinner and ate and feelin' good. And she says...
> 
> "Hey babe, remember when I got accepted for those acting classes at the institution?... This was a project."
> 
> -.-
> 
> Click. Nope. Done. Blocked. F--k you. Get lost. Terminated. Goodbye.
> 
> BACK TO THE SINGLE LIFE! Lived it for so long that I honestly don't know any other life.
> Now, let's get back to my first and only love...MY GUITAR!



Fvcking. Get. The. Fvck. Out.


----------



## newamerikangospel

Wow.....how have I never been in this thread before?


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Eliguy666 said:


> That is... a very low effort insult on her part. Totally impossible for it to be true.
> 
> Then again, if it was, she's failed that project really badly on account of appearing crazy and unreasonable the whole way through.


"Hey babe, remember when I got accepted for those 'not giving a f--k' classes at my university?... Yep, this was a project."  *click*


----------



## soliloquy

so...my ex just messaged me saying shes getting married...great. this was the girl i thought i'd get married to. someone i spent 6 years with. someone i really loved and cared for.

for what its worth, i am happy for her and i want to congratulate her. but if i say anything, it will make her go apeshit crazy and it might jeopardise her future, which i dont want to do...


----------



## Konfyouzd

?


----------



## soliloquy

/\ indeed...my ex i was engaged to. just 10 months before we were to get married (aprl 20th was our wedding day of this year) we broke up. over the next few months she kept trying to get back with me and i kept turning her down. she kept saying how shes also hanging out with her ex more often, which i ignored. she said she got a proposal and i said 'congratulations' and she blew up...

now shes getting married and wants what exactly from me? be happy for her? be sad for her? what the ....?! 





and in other news, that okcupid chick i like said shes seeing someone else as well....i dont like triangles of anysort....


----------



## Konfyouzd

Distance yourself from both...


----------



## Konfyouzd

And just like that I'm single again...


----------



## RevelGTR

To bring some positivity to the thread: I've been with my current girlfriend for about 3 months. She's really cute, and a lot of fun to be around. She fits right in with my family, and loves being around them. She plays guitar casually, and is fascinated by my guitar knowledge/experience/whatever. And best of all, she's as affectionate (hugging, kissing, cuddling) as I am. Needless to say, I'm thrilled!


----------



## Steinmetzify

Konfyouzd said:


> Distance yourself from both...



That. That's a special kind of crazy, one where she can talk to you but you can't text her back? Run. 



Konfyouzd said:


> And just like that I'm single again...



Wtf? Australian guy or something else? What happened there, I thought this was going good?


----------



## Konfyouzd

It's just not working. Australian guy actually had nothing to do w it this time. :-/


----------



## Steinmetzify

Lame. Sorry mang, that just sucks. Better to find out now though.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Indeed... I don't expect much from relationships these days anyway. Best of luck to the rest of you. 

Only thing that annoys me at this point is now that I've broken it off she's being all nice. I don't know why I have to upset ppl for them to take me seriously.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Konfyouzd said:


> It's just not working. Australian guy actually had nothing to do w it this time. :-/


WAIT!!!!!!!!!! O.O You were dating an Australian guy?...

Dude...judging by your Facebook...I...I never would have thought...


----------



## Konfyouzd

No... I was dating a chick who had a friend that lived in Australia (currently back in the states) that seemed to be trying to get w her. Now he can. But he wasn't the problem.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Konfyouzd said:


> No... I was dating a chick who had a friend that lived in Australia (currently back in the states) that seemed to be trying to get w her. Now he can. But he wasn't the problem.


Oh, got'cha.  (Reading back.)


----------



## Konfyouzd

This is driving me crazy... I have to get this rant out...

So...

It seems like every week there are more quirks of her personality that I've had to realize and accept. On the flip side of that coin, when something about me bothers her I'm expected to make changes. I do because I care about her and the things she's wanted me to change haven't really been that big a deal.

Now, when she gets upset about stuff it seems as though she'll talk to almost everyone in the world but me. I first noticed it about 2 weeks ago when her sister came in town and told her that she had cancer. She didn't talk to me for about 2 days seemingly for no reason. She tells me that when shit is on her mind that's just how she is, but I know she was going to see her friends and shit and talk to them during this time so it kinda smelled like bullshit, but I let it slide and decided that if she needs space I'll just give her space regardless of the reason.

We've been talking about her coming to hang out at my place for a while and I kept telling her that I didn't want her to come over because my place was SUPER messy. It took me a week of cleaning after work to get it even half way presentable for her to come over and even then it wasn't quite as clean as I'd have liked it to be. I'm a single man that lives alone. It's a shitty excuse, but I suppose my standards aren't as high as hers...

Last week, she was supposed to come over and spend the night Friday. When I asked her if she was still coming over she says that she never said she was gonna come over Friday. She said that she agreed to be over Saturday morning. That's not true. She forgot about me and made plans w/ Australia boy...

This is what I posted about last week when I made sure Australia boy knew his role.

Now this week...

She was supposed to come over Friday. Not only did I not hear from her AT ALL on Friday, she texts me at 11AM Saturday morning to tell me that she fell asleep as soon as she got home Friday and woke up at 3AM with a buncha shit on her mind. At this point she decided to get in her car and drive up to Maryland (this is where Australia boy lives by the way) and ended up falling asleep at a rest stop, then at some point ended up staying with a friend for part of the night or something. 

She then told me that she needed some space still... Okay cool...

So I don't hear from her again until around 11AM this morning. She tells me that what's been on her mind is that school and work are becoming overwhelming for her and it really bothers her that my house is so cluttered. So... That's why you blew me off all weekend? 

Does that seem a little weird to anyone else? 

If she's got problems, shouldn't she be able to talk to me about them? And with school and work being so overwhelming it seems odd to me that my house being cluttered would make the top 3. Even then, I feel like that's easy enough to bring up. 

It just seems to me like there's something she isn't telling me and just making up excuses to be awkward and distant.

So I tell her that it's really hard for me to keep just accepting all these things about her that make me feel shitty when she doesn't seem to consider my feelings at all. And also that I would make an effort to clean my house more often if that's something that really bothers her, but that in itself illustrates what--to me--is the problem. I"m always willing to do *something* to compromise with her but if I don't like something she does I get this sort of "If you don't like it you can leave attitude."

After that I told her that with the way I'm always bending for her while she just kinda does whatever she wants, it seems to me she's better off with someone else.

She tells me that she doesn't want to be with anyone else.

I told her that it really and truly doesn't seem that way.

So she told me that she would give me back the charger to my tablet (she was borrowing it for school) and that she'd be by my house Tuesday to pick up her bike which she'd been keeping at my place for convenience.

I drove the bike to her house, put it on her porch, knocked a few times and left...

Now here we are...

No... I've considered this from a few different angles...

Outside looking in I feel like we both look like dumbasses if the reasons we're mad about are genuine. We should have been able to work this out in a simpler manner.

From my perspective there's either some underlying issue like depression or there's just something she isn't telling me...

From hers... If she *is* telling the truth, then I don't think she expected me to come back at her since I'm always so accommodating. If she isn't then the fact that I'm upset with her is just one more thing on top of whatever else is already bothering her and I just wasn't helping the situation by reacting the way I did, but I'm so tired of holding my tongue. We should be able to talk to each other about the the things that bother us.

This is has been unnecessarily complicated for what seems so stupid.

Part of me also feels like there's some barrier she's put up as a result of a past boyfriend that I'm now--or rather, was--dealing with.

EDIT: She texted me a few minutes go to tell me she thinks we both need to cool off and regroup. I'm not 100% what that means, but we'll see.

And what did I take from all this? I'm doing laundry and straightening up around the house.


----------



## Necris

> From hers... If she *is* telling the truth, then I don't think she expected me to come back at her since I'm always so accommodating. If she isn't then the fact that I'm upset with her is just one more thing on top of whatever else is already bothering her and I just wasn't helping the situation by reacting the way I did, but I'm so tired of holding my tongue. We should be able to talk to each other about the the things that bother us.



I think you're being too hard on yourself, and maybe too quick to take the blame. The bottom line is she wouldn't talk to you so you couldn't work through your issues, even though you wanted to. You made the effort to change for her, she wouldn't so much as budge for you. You made time for her, she blew you off to go hang out with another guy.

She sounds like she's immature with some substantial baggage and probably would have become a nightmare if she wasn't already. 
F_u_cking off to Maryland and essentially disappearing from your life for a few days being her way of dealing with stress is a huge red flag to me. I honestly would have broken it off then if not before. You don't need to deal with that, no-one does.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Well at least I know I'm not crazy... And you're not the first person to tell me she seems like she's a bit immature with too much baggage...

Well and see... When I first told her how I felt about everything today she told me "Well if I've been that difficult then maybe you're right and we should just throw in the towel". Just no compromise at all... And now we need to cool off and regroup. Probably because she's already calmed down some and hopefully feels at least a tiny bit silly. Hell I know I do... 

And at the same time, when I think about it, she's been single for 6 years before this. So on the one hand there just may not have been someone there for her during that time and she just got used to coping however she can, but now that I am around it certainly would be nice if she could at least attempt to talk to me without blowing me off for half a week.


----------



## Steinmetzify

That's hard though dude....if you've been doing it on your own that long and figured out ways to cope, then that's what you're going to fall back on, you know? People that don't date that much aren't like people who do...everything turns into a big issue when you realize it's not just you and you actually have to consider another person's feelings. 

I get where you're coming from on the 'you have to change to suit her' shit though...my wife is Spanish and that's pretty much what happened. Not that big a deal for me as I was a self destructive addict, but it was still hard to change. In her case, it seems like it might be more of a validation thing...if she hasn't dated/been in a relationship for 6 years, that's a lot of time alone and some self esteem issues, at the very least. She might be pushing buttons to see how far you think she's worth it to go. Just some input. 

People that don't date are weird. I'm as antisocial as the next guy, but I dig women at least. I don't get people that don't want to at least have sex.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

steinmetzify said:


> People that don't date are weird. I'm as antisocial as the next guy, but I dig women at least. I don't get people that don't want to at least have sex.


Behold.I've been single all my life,and it's not my choice.I guess I'm just too weird?

Anyways,I'm about to start week 2.There's this shy culinary chick that makes me go like:.If I had a night to tango with that...but what do I know?I haven't even had a single official date yet.I tell you when I dream I dream big...


----------



## Steinmetzify

LMAO...dude I meant by choice. No offense intended sir.


----------



## Konfyouzd

steinmetzify said:


> That's hard though dude....if you've been doing it on your own that long and figured out ways to cope, then that's what you're going to fall back on, you know? People that don't date that much aren't like people who do...everything turns into a big issue when you realize it's not just you and you actually have to consider another person's feelings.
> 
> I get where you're coming from on the 'you have to change to suit her' shit though...my wife is Spanish and that's pretty much what happened. Not that big a deal for me as I was a self destructive addict, but it was still hard to change. In her case, it seems like it might be more of a validation thing...if she hasn't dated/been in a relationship for 6 years, that's a lot of time alone and some self esteem issues, at the very least. She might be pushing buttons to see how far you think she's worth it to go. Just some input.
> 
> People that don't date are weird. I'm as antisocial as the next guy, but I dig women at least. I don't get people that don't want to at least have sex.



Well I officially broke it off this morning. I thought about it and I can't deal with a person that's not even slightly willing to try to meet me half way. So I let her know that. And as far as I know that's the end of that. I understand the whole not dating for a while thing. My last girlfriend was 10 years ago. The things I had to change was trying to be more patient with her knowing that she was probably going to be a little weird after having been single for so long. And she always talked about how shitty her last relationship was. To me it seems as though she may not have been fully over it and all of these things together make me wonder why she even agreed to be my girlfriend in the first place. She's not ready I don't think. Or maybe this is how she's always been and that's why she has been single for so long.

The last time I was upset with her she said something to the effect of... "You can leave then. It wouldn't be the first time someone didn't have the patience form me." It's as though she knows she's difficult as hell and isn't willing to even try to consider the other person's side of things. I think leaving was the best thing I could have done. It was only going to get uglier from here on out.

That said, I'm not sure I want to date anyone anymore. I know it will sound hyperbolic, but literally only one of two things happens in any relationship I'm in...

1. I'm mean to them because I don't really like them that much and they wanna follow me to the end of the freakin' earth...
2. I treat them well because I really like them and they take advantage but somehow try to make it my fault...

I do feel slightly better now that I'm out of that relationship though. Just frustrated.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

steinmetzify said:


> LMAO...dude I meant by choice. No offense intended sir.


No offense taken.I will say that last school year I was like that almost the entire year.It's a combination of multiple factors and still seems normal to me.Actually,I guess you could consider my situation a choice since I haven't really asked anyone out in my lifetime except for two girls...


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Obsidian Soul said:


> Behold.I've been single all my life,and it's not my choice.I guess I'm just too weird?
> 
> Anyways,I'm about to start week 2.There's this shy culinary chick that makes me go like:.If I had a night to tango with that...but what do I know?I haven't even had a single official date yet.I tell you when I dream I dream big...



A fellow NC weirdo?...


----------



## SeanSan

Gotta get some stuff out. Sorry for the wall of text.

So I met this girl around 10 months ago yeah? And we talked online for a good 5 months or so until she confessed that she liked me and surprise surprise, I did too! So it was awesome until we finally met in person, and it went great and there were lots of hugs and kisses and all and it was all sweet and mushy. 

After we finally met, she suddenly doesn't want to do it anymore, and she suddenly just wants us to be friends. I didn't like this of course because she got all my hopes up and stuff and suddenly she goes "WELP. NOPE. DONT WANNA" but then we agreed that she'd take time to think about it. In two weeks, we had more sweet talks and whatnot (all over skype, this was a kinda LDR. She was a 2.5 hour bus ride away) that got me happy again, then she suddenly drops the bomb "I don't want a boyfriend right now" and that straight up pissed me off and we talked a few days more and I ended up making a ginormous ass out of myself because of the whole, sudden dumping. This made her feel bed and I apologised of course and I decided that it was important to have her as a friend, and that I wouldn't force it anymore. In the following weeks, we got even more mushier and lovey dovey and we agreed that she'd come over to my house and stay there for a night. She told me not to expect anything and I didn't. When she came to my place, we almost immediately started making out and had sexy time (no sex though, first time jitters from me  ) and it was amazing and she admitted that "Welp, I can't deny that I'm your girlfriend now" and then all was good. 

Everything was super awesome for a few weeks, and we established a "no label" thing, until a few days before her 2nd visit to my place. She suddenly got the happiness sucked out of her and started telling me things that "It feels like you're just a friend, but with sex." and "I'm grateful that I have you, but the time before I met was better for me" and this of course made me sad and angry, but I didn't let myself get mad. She also said "Sorry, this is fact." which didn't make me feel any better at all. She visited me anyway for a 2 night sleep over and guess what? MORE making out and mushiness and making out and sexy time (no sex, again. Performance anxiety from her ) and she says ".... Skype *her name*!" because we both thought that she tended to overthink more if we weren't together. Anyway, the stay was amazing and we talked about me moving closer to her city so we can see each other more.

The next part is when I become a little b*tch. My contract on my apartment was coming to a close and I haven't found an apartment yet so I was getting stressed out to the max that I wasn't super fun a lot. One day, she snapped and got mad at me because I apparently made her feel ugly and that I was needy or something (from apartment stress). I also didn't notice at all that I was making her feel ugly. I just noticed small things about our photos and make comments about them. They aren't bad or good, just...observations. She was gonna be in Spain for a week and she gave me another chance to fix up while she was gone and I did my best to get myself together. She got back from Spain and broke up with me. "I decided that I don't want a boyfriend." she says. Boyfriend? What happened to "No labels?". "It would be unfair if I didn't acknowledge you as my boyfriend." and "You're still special to me!" she says.

We spoke more on Skype everyday until one day, I told her that I wasn't very happy and kinda angry, not sure at what. I just felt mad. She then got mad and abruptly left. We talked the next day and decided that we'd start all over again, as friends. 

After a few days, she gets mad yet AGAIN (at this point, I highly doubt I'm still "special to her"), saying that our conversations are predictable, and that I don't listen to what she says. My counter argument is that she doesn't talk much (She doesn't sometimes. She just sits there and stay quiet) and she accepts that. We decided that we wouldn't talk as often as before. 

I don't know guys. It felt like she didn't try hard enough to make this work, and that she was very rigid and wouldn't compromise. Kinda felt like she wanted everything to be "PERFECT" before committing. (We never formally got together/commit. It just kinda happened). There were things she would do that I would find annoying but I'd let slide because it's not a big deal anyway and one has got to accept little quirks and stuff on their partner anyway. I feel guilty for feeling the aforementioned things though (aside from me letting annoying things slide) and I kinda feel like the whole thing failing was all my fault. But I want to hear what other bros think though, especially from the more experienced ones. It took so much for her to get to somehow commit, but she ends things with a snap of her fingers. I also know the things I did do wrong. Like the whole "making her feel ugly" thing. Are most girls like this? She is beautiful, but I didn't want to tell her day after day that she was though I definitely let her know how pretty I think she is. I kinda hoped she knew and felt that she was beautiful without anyone telling her. 

I'm slowly getting over her more and more everyday though! A lot of heavy thinking during the day. Sort of like sticking a vacuum cleaner in my brain to get rid of unnecessary clutter. I just wanna hear outside opinions so that I might finally hammer the last nail in this whole ordeal and truly move on. 

Again, sorry for the wall of text.


----------



## vilk

Sounds like you guys aren't very compatible to begin with. As I've mentioned before, knowing someone from verbal communication alone is completely different from actually spending time together.

In my opinion (based on your side of the argument), she seems kinda stuck up/ too expectant/entitled. Or at the very least she doesn't care about your feelings as much as she's concerned with fulfilling her storybook image of a relationship or something... but honestly I can't blame her for not being down for a long distance relationship because imo that shit is way more trouble than it's worth 99 times out of 100. Or maybe she just plain isn't attracted to you but is having a hard time letting you down because you're such a nice guy.

Regardless, it's your fault for thinking you loved some chick who you've hardly spent any physical time with. That's mistake no.1. It's an easy mistake to make, I'll admit, but from now on save your feelings for someone that you've actually had sex with.


----------



## SeanSan

*edit*

Double post. My bad


----------



## SeanSan

Perhaps you're right with about us not spending so much physical time together though. I wouldn't say she wasn't attracted to me though. I'm pretty one has to find another attractive before making out with them for 2 hours or more. 

Thanks for the input.  I can say that I learned a lot from this experience at least.


----------



## man jerk

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Alright, need some advice everyone. I'm not sure how to say it, so I'll just get right into it.
> 
> So, I've been dating this awesome young lady. And I really REALLY feel something special, something different for her. Things were going so smoothly for awhile. But in the past month, there have been some problems.
> 
> 
> she kissed her ex. (So...cheating on me?)
> she has a severe problem with alcohol and every single time that she gets drunk, she calls me to tell me that our relationship is over; but then she will wake up in the morning and act like nothing happened or she can't remember it.
> she got shit-faced drunk one night, passed out, woke up with her ex banging her, and she didn't do anything. (So...cheating on me?)
> she got kissed by a random stranger while shopping one day and let it happen. (So...cheating on me?)
> she claimed last week to have given up drinking just for me; yet, she was lying because I caught her drinking again the other night while she was at her sister's place.
> she let one of her male friends rub her "down there" the other night...and her her excuse was that she was "too sleepy" to try to prevent it or stop him; but, she was wearing clothing (yoga pants) and wouldn't let him touch her skin. (So...cheating on me?)
> a friend of mine caught her dirty dancing and grinding on some dude at a club. I'm not even sure how she got in a club because she isn't 21 and of age to be allowed into a club.
> 
> All that. In the course of a month. (Obviously some problems like the alcohol have persisted for longer than that though and have always been a prevalent issue.)
> 
> So, you might be asking: 'Hey Emperor G., why the hell are you still with her?"
> And to be honest, I actually would not have know about any of that stuff if she had not come forward of her own free will and told me. (Whether it was out of loyalty or guilt.) And I respect that. - Number 5 and Number 7 on the list above are exceptions though because I specifically "caught her" in the act. But her coming forward and being honest, it makes me "want" to trust her; yet, at the same time she is intentionally doing behavior that causes me not to trust her and annihilates any trust that ever was present. I feel like a need a damn babysitter to keep an eye on her whenever I'm not around. It's ridiculous, and it has left me paranoid.
> 
> Am I a fool? Is this worth it? I'm literally exasperated right now beyond measure. I won't leave her. (I'll admit it, I'm too attached and too weak of a human to call it off.) But something NEEDS to be done. I NEED to offer her some kind of ultimatum or else I will probably get the guts to leave her.



Bad news dood. My advice would be to move on and find a health relationship, or none at all for a while. She's obviously got issues, especially if she's having all of these "incidents" involving alcohol or not. 

But as you state, you "Won't" leave her. You are putting yourself if a losing situation if you ask me.


----------



## Explorer

Yo_Wattup said:


> And she might be preggers. I am 22. I have a gf that is also 22.
> 
> I feel like shit. I am a worthless POS. What would you do? Apart from commit suicide?
> 
> Thanks to anyone who cares.



Well, no, suicide is a terrible solution.

So, you feel terrible for cheating on your girlfriend? Then be honest with her, and let her decide about your relationship with full information. You fvcked it up? Well, learn from the mistake, but learn the right lesson. Don't just become someone who is dishonest to avoid consequences. 

You had unprotected sex with a girl? Well, you might not have any control over that situation. I'd be surprised if a woman twice your age wants a child from someone who could *be* their child, unless they view it as a "last chance" kind of thing. *sigh*

I don't have any great advice which will take you back in time to where you'll think about how this would hurt your innocent girlfriend's feelings. Your only course now is either try to be sneaky and avoid consequences, or to man up and see where things go. 

Sorry!


----------



## UnderTheSign

[SC][/SC]


steinmetzify said:


> People that don't date are weird. I'm as antisocial as the next guy, but I dig women at least. I don't get people that don't want to at least have sex.


I dunno man, I spent 2,5 years not really dating before starting again and meeting my current gf half a year later. Maybe because sex without a connection means bugger all to me and sex is not the sole reason I'm alive?


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

man jerk said:


> But as you state, you "Won't" leave her. You are putting yourself if a losing situation if you ask me.


You're behind on the times, man. Check the last page.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Explorer said:


> You had unprotected sex with a *middle aged woman*? Well, you might not have any control over that situation. I'd be surprised if a woman twice your age wants a child from someone who could *be* their child, unless they view it as a "last chance" kind of thing. *sigh*


Corrected.

Also, maybe she is just some old milf or nympho or cougar who wants a kid? Maybe she just wants a "sugar daddy" who is half her age?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Hmm... Decided to go get my charger from her rather than paying the $30. We talked a bit and it turns out she talked to her friend from Australia about our fight this weekend... He agreed with me. 

So she actually apologized and we talked for a good hour or so about why she felt the need to do what she did this weekend and I think we've reached a bit of an understanding on a few things that weren't so clear (and probably led to a bulk of the confusion this weekend) before.

We're at least speaking now, but I don't think we're necessarily together at the moment... I do believe we're working toward a resolution, though... Getting better...


----------



## Steinmetzify

UnderTheSign said:


> I dunno man, I spent 2,5 years not really dating before starting again and meeting my current gf half a year later. Maybe because sex without a connection means bugger all to me and sex is not the sole reason I'm alive?


 
This is being taken out of context.....mostly what I meant was that people that don't date for 5-6-10 years end up with a somewhat skewed view of relationships and their role in them, especially with what they will and won't put up with. No offense was intended and it's just an opinion....I've been that guy after a bad relationship and I think it just messes with your head after awhile; at least it did mine....I got all self-righteous and "I don't have to change, YOU do" and what not...



Konfyouzd said:


> Hmm... Decided to go get my charger from her rather than paying the $30. We talked a bit and it turns out she talked to her friend from Australia about our fight this weekend... He agreed with me.
> 
> So she actually apologized and we talked for a good hour or so about why she felt the need to do what she did this weekend and I think we've reached a bit of an understanding on a few things that weren't so clear (and probably led to a bulk of the confusion this weekend) before.
> 
> We're at least speaking now, but I don't think we're necessarily together at the moment... I do believe we're working toward a resolution, though... Getting better...


 
Nice that Australian guy agreed with ya.....men need to stick together when crazy pops out of women.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I don't know if it's because I'm young and in college, but I may or may not be afraid of commitment.

The girl I'm seeing now I like a lot. She means a lot to me, but we aren't anything more than good friends with benefits. It's going well, and she wants us to be able to see/hook up with other people, which I don't mind because I'm down with that too. It's just odd, because I like her a lot, but I don't want to be tied to only being with her. There's nothing wrong with her, and I know she wants to stay open, but it's weird to me because neither side feelings wise for me is overpowering the other. It's a very even split which I'm not used to.

Is the whole feeling weird about commitment thing just because we've established that we're open and FWBs? Is it because I'm young and always constantly surrounded by so many girls that I know I'd like if I got to know them? Or is it because so many of the girls I know and have liked have not wanted to be serious? Being young is weird


----------



## flint757

I'm a commitment-phobe so I can't help you.


----------



## vilk

Back on the horse! I got a date lined up for Friday with this fit Filipina girl. At an arcade of all places. I feel like this is the one situation where being good at videogames could make me look cool... except I'm terrible at videogames hahaha. Unless they have THPS4...


----------



## Konfyouzd

I feel like most commitment phobes only feel that way bc there's an excessive amount of societal pressure to not be the stereotypical "love me then leave me" type of dude. In reality there are just aren't always a lot of good picks from which to choose. If you find someone you genuinely like I'm pretty sure you wouldn't even think twice about it.

Regardless, though... If you're cool with the open relationship thing I say go for it. But if you do really like her I think it'd be wise to express that as well.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Konfyouzd said:


> Things that are smart



I'm just sticking with this open type of thing right now. It relieves pressure from both of us yet we're close friends so we don't feel weird expressing how much we care about each other. And we agreed that if we ever meet someone we want to be monogamous with, then we'll respect that. If I do realize that I want to be monogamous with her, I'll tell her, I'm not sure she would agree, but we know that communication is key.

We're also both pretty sex-crazed to be totally honest, so if one of us got with someone else, there would be high fives, not jealousy


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

flint757 said:


> I'm a commitment-phobe so I can't help you.


Praise the Lowered that I'm not the only one on here!  
The cautious way is the best way to live life.


----------



## Explorer

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Corrected.
> 
> Also, maybe she is just some old *milf or nympho or cougar* who wants a kid? Maybe she just wants a "sugar daddy" who is half her age?



Then in that case, he's even more heartless for not caring about breaking his girlfriends heart by just popping out for a random fvck. 

I was thinking that there had to be more to it than just letting raw dog out of the stall because he saw an opportunity. 

I never just assume that someone is DTF because they're a nympho. A lot of times, people have issues which can raise red flags, including those guys who just view women as nymphos/cougars/MILFs. That might just be me having grown up, of course.

Carry on!


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Whenever I leave this earth, I want to leave something behind for everyone. Something you can remember and think back and say: "Hey, I remember when Emperor G. told me that!" I want to leave you all with a lesson.

And do I ever have a lesson for all y'all mofos on here...

If she's got daddy issues.........

.....


.....


.....RUN!!!


----------



## vilk

^I'd at least have sex with her first. Daddy-issue girls let you do _anything_.


----------



## cwhitey2

I was going to ask this girl out that I have been talking too...but then she just stopped talking to me


----------



## vilk

Ask her out anyway? Worst case scenario is she responds lol


----------



## UnderTheSign

vilk said:


> ^I'd at least have sex with her first. Daddy-issue girls let you do _anything_.


Yeah, that's a solid idea, treating another person like a piece of meat.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

vilk said:


> ^I'd at least have sex with her first. Daddy-issue girls let you do _anything_.



The girl I'm seeing has daddy issues. She loves saying it because she says it justifies her freaky sexual-ness.

Huehuehue


----------



## Obsidian Soul

My options are a bit difficult.There's one girl who is outgoing,and she seems to know or at least be friendly with other guys.Today,she said my assignment was to draw her,which I didn't finish,and she had her arm shoulder twice.I cannot draw conclusions since she is such a sociable person.The other girl I see randomly since she takes the most different major from me.Sometimes,she's with her friend though,which could be bad.She's definitely shy. All my other options I do not know at all besides possibly a name.

This whole relationship/dating/addwhateveryouwant thing perplexes my mind to an unfathomable degree.I feel nigh emotionless unlike many instances before. Maybe I am growing up subconsciously.

On an unrelated note,I do not know why I have a thing for septum rings...


----------



## asher

Cute new hire at work seems to have a boyfriend. Boo.


----------



## Insightibanez

Don't be insecure, it's all good.

That's part of what actors do, they pretend/
act.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

> "_[insert my name]_ never wanted to do anything with me because all he cares about was his stupid work."



...................

This spoiled little bitch (the ex) has the nerve to shit-talk me when she is my age, never had a job, never paid a bill, and lives off of daddy's credit card.

Kindly go f--k yourself and grow up. I'm sorry that I am a mature, responsible adult who has obligations in life and cannot spend every single second accommodating to spending time feeding your overly obsessive desire to constantly talk to me and do stuff with me.

I swear to God...I have only ever date psychos my whole life. All three girls I have ever dated...all psychos.


----------



## cwhitey2

vilk said:


> Ask her out anyway? Worst case scenario is she responds lol



Self-esteem is in the gutter right now.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Obsidian Soul said:


> On an unrelated note,I do not know why I have a thing for septum rings...



My ex has one of those, and she could .... like nobodies business. I share a similar fondness for septum, as well as most other, piercings. On girls and more feminine men, anyway.


----------



## vilk

UnderTheSign said:


> Yeah, that's a solid idea, treating another person like a piece of meat.


 If it makes a difference, I wish that women would treat me like a piece of meat


----------



## cwhitey2

vilk said:


> If it makes a difference, I wish that women would treat me like a piece of meat







I usually like to them give a piece of meat


----------



## asher

vilk said:


> If it makes a difference, I wish that women would treat me like a piece of meat



I swear we've had this exact conversation before in this thread.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Last night my lady friend and I had a big argument that was founded on neither of us understanding what the other one was initially talking about. Gotta love those.

She was talking about how I was being aloof, which I am sometimes, and she made a few silly comments on me not talking to her much yesterday, and ended it with "anyway, what's up?" I responded "My dad and I are going out to go get some food, what are you up to?" and she thought that I was trying to ignore her, even though I was just telling her what I was doing to get the conversation going. A couple things she initially said about my aloofness went over my head, and then she got annoyed and started bluntly saying how I was being aloof and uninterested. Since what she initially said went over my head, I thought she was spontaneously being accusing towards me out of the blue, and I get pretty defensive. We semi-passive-aggressively argued via text for like 2 hours until, somehow, we brought up the beginning of our argument and then realized neither of us took what we were saying the way the other wanted us to. So it ended up being kind of funny but gave us both something to think about in the end.

All good now!


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Last night my lady friend and I had a big argument that was founded on neither of us understanding what the other one was initially talking about. Gotta love those.


Never ever EVER argue via text. The lack of verbal cues AND (more importantly) nonverbal cues and obvious amounts of distortion in communication channels make it harder for the sender and receiver to understand each others' meaning and it makes things worse. Be a man and CALL.

Also, women always have to talk. And they expect us men to always listen. And as trying as it is...we have to listen in some way. You're not "aloof" as she may call it. Perhaps you're just being a typical male?... It's how we operate. And it sounds like she is accusing you because you aren't listening to her every single second of every single minute. It's how they (women) operate. --- We men like to "fix" things...like literally find a solution and solve the problem. Women just like to "talk" and vent about a problem. (After a few buckets of words or a few buckets of tears, you'd never even know that there was a problem. Dames, right?)

It's the differences, man.

*Edit: First paragraph was serious. Second paragraph was sarcastic humor through stereotyping.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

I call bullshit on that. Women aren't just about talking. Relationships are about communication in general, regardless of gender. If you can't open your ears while your significant other vents or needs to talk about something, then chances are you don't deserve the relationship in the first place.

Golfcart may indeed be "aloof," and they sort of admitted to such. That's not exactly wrong of them, it's just part of their personality. It's something that might need talking about within their relationship, but I won't get into that since I know little to nothing about their relationship.

Your opinion of women is sort of skewed, and strange. You say things that are stereotypical of women, and it's not nearly true 100% of the time. It sounds like you have limited experience with women, to which I'd suggest refraining from giving misinformed advice. What I will say is that successful relationships are built heavily on communication. Talking solves a vast majority of problems people have romantically. I will however agree to the fullest that text arguing is far from a good way of handling anything. A lot can be taken out of context or "misheard" if you argue through text. It's always better, and in the long run easier, to talk in person or even on the phone. I've had far too many pointless texting arguments in the past. Unfortunately, actual talking wasn't an option in most of those cases.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Chokey Chicken said:


> Your opinion of women is sort of skewed, and strange. You say things that are stereotypical of women, and it's not nearly true 100% of the time.


Stereotypes are used in humor, are they not? (I'm sure you get where I was going with this.)


----------



## asher

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Stereotypes are used in humor, are they not? (I'm sure you get where I was going with this.)


 
While I give people the benefit of the doubt here, there wasn't a whole lot of humor indicated in your post, and there absolutely are people that return to such broad generalizations time and again.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I'd say that I may come off as aloof at times to her in comparison because she's quite animated. I am too sometimes, but to be honest the majority of the time I'm pretty chill and can be aloof.

Really not annoyed or anything by your post by the way. You're generalizing guys as much as girls and I know plenty of both who act that certain way. Anyway, you're right about the text arguing, it's awful and gets next to nothing done.
Talking it out in person we wouldn't have even argued.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Stereotypes are used in humor, are they not? (I'm sure you get where I was going with this.)



I mean this with sincerity when I say pardon me for not realizing it was all in jest. You didn't say it in such a joking way, and I've been on the shit end of stereotyping more times than I care to admit. I'm not a fan of stereotypes, as they have made my life drastically more difficult than it needs to be.



> You're generalizing guys as much as girls.



Yeah, but saying "guys want to fix things" and "girls just want to cry and/or talk about nothing" has a clear preferential leaning.

Getting a tad off base though. I'll try not to take something so personal next time.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

How to tell is she is cheating on you:

...she is spending more time with her "best friend" (who just so happens to be a male) and blowing you off for him.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

asher said:


> While I give people the benefit of the doubt here, there wasn't a whole lot of humor indicated in your post, and there absolutely are people that return to such broad generalizations time and again.



I'm not looking to start shit here, but I think it warrants saying. There seems to be some stigma in this thread against any type of generalization, like its disrespectful or shortsighted, and often cases it is. But I would like to offer another view. 

My personal experience is that most guys ask themselves the questions "what is my life's path" and "what woman will join me on it" in the wrong order. Realizing this, I've spent a lot if time this past year or so working on myself and my own life's ambitions rather than worrying about what women (or anyone) want from me. Ive found that I don't feel the need to treat any woman as special until she proves herself so, because I have things that are more important to tend. I've found that all this has actually made me more attractive to the average woman (there's that generalizing again)

It's also molded my frame of reference on women. I find myself generalizing about women the way one might generalize about business: you know the rules and guidelines, and they get you pretty far until you find you'll need to change your approach. So if the information is GENERALLY right, it probably makes a good starting off point.

Asher, you berated me a while back for using phrases like "most women", and using terms like "gaming" and whatnot before, and I remember thinking, "well I have no defense for the mindset I'm in, and they won't here me out otherwise, so no more advice." But thinking back, it occurs to me that In all my interactions with my female friends, lovers, coworkers, whatever, there are a few general desires that keep popping up the biggest of which is that they ALL want someone higher in status than them. Whether that status is financially, socially, intellectually, emotionally, whatever, is where they differ. But there is no denying that this fact is a driving force for a vast majority, and with that will come some generalization that can be observed. 

For example: Ive spoken with no less than 4 married women in the past 6 months who are tired of having husbands who accommodate their every need and let them make all the decisions. Two of these women pursued an affair because of it. I asked one of them what her husband should do, and she seriously said "I wish he'd stop treating me like his mom told him to and be a fvcking man for once." Seems ....ed up, right? I bet the husbands would think so too. But that's the reality, and all my generalizing told me that from the jump. 

Point: if the info is GENERALLY right, don't dismiss it thinking you're doing some woman that isn't reading this anyway any favors. If it's wrong or bad advice, don't do it, but certainly don't dismiss anything just because it sounds too impersonal. Shit, science looks to psychology for answers all the time, and that's an entire study of generalizing the entire human race. Hope I've made my point remotely clear haha.

EDIT: for what it's worth, I don't think Emperor was joking in the second paragraph, and while the delivery was less than tactful, does anyone disagree that women like to vent to their men while men would rather fix and move on? in general, that is. Don't hate the player, as they say.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

> Ive found that I don't feel the need to treat any woman as special until she proves herself so, because I have things that are more important to tend.


Another, less douchey, way of wording this? "I've decided not to play games. I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not to win over the affection of another human being." No person is inherently special. This is the problem with people looking for a relationship. They actively try to do things to get that persons attention. They do what they think the other person might like, which sometimes goes against your natural personality.



> I've found that all this has actually made me more attractive to the average woman (there's that generalizing again)


I guess I'm not the average woman, because everything you've said in this post makes me a tad ill. I'm certainly not inclined to be friends with you, let alone want a romantic relationship. Confidence is more or less what would win over a partner. Being comfortable with who you are, I mean.



> It's also molded my frame of reference on women. I find myself generalizing about women the way one might generalize about business: you know the rules and guidelines, and they get you pretty far until you find you'll need to change your approach. So if the information is GENERALLY right, it probably makes a good starting off point.


If you're "moulding your approach," then chances are you're not meant to be in a relationship with whoever you're approaching. If you have to act differently than you normally would, then she's giving attention to something that's not actually you. Once the honeymoon phase ends, and you stop with the facade, she's going to grow distant from you. There are no rules and guidelines.




> For example: Ive spoken with no less than 4 married women in the past 6 months who are tired of having husbands who accommodate their every need and let them make all the decisions. Two of these women pursued an affair because of it. I asked one of them what her husband should do, and she seriously said "I wish he'd stop treating me like his mom told him to and be a fvcking man for once." Seems ....ed up, right? I bet the husbands would think so too. But that's the reality, and all my generalizing told me that from the jump.


All this proves is that you were friends with 4 unhappy women. Here's the fun part about anecdotal evidence. I've talked to countless friends and family who are happily married. A fair amount, and in this case the vast majority, of which are exactly the opposite. They enjoy being treated the way these 4 supposed women don't like being treated. Doesn't mean that those 4 you talked to don't feel that way, but just because you spoke to 4 unhappy women doesn't mean that 50%+ of every women feel the same way. Not sure why those four women got married if they were unhappy with the way their partners were acting, but that's their issue and not mine.



> Point: if the info is GENERALLY right, don't dismiss it thinking you're doing some woman that isn't reading this anyway any favors. If it's wrong or bad advice, don't do it, but certainly don't dismiss anything just because it sounds too impersonal. Shit, science looks to psychology for answers all the time, and that's an entire study of generalizing the entire human race. Hope I've made my point remotely clear haha.


That's the thing about stereotyping. It's NOT generally right. Only to the simple minded are women controlled by their feelings, guys lack feelings, blacks always steal things, jews are always good with money, etc., etc. 



> does anyone disagree that women like to vent to their men while men would rather fix and move on? in general, that is. Don't hate the player, as they say.


Yes, I disagree. It's a stereotype that women want to vent or piss and moan while the guy wants to fix things. The fun part is that a majority of the time talking _is _the way to fix things. I've been in relationships with men and women, by the way, and a few of the guys I've dated just tried pretending things weren't rough and ignored the problem outright. There's a big difference between "wanting to fix it" and "wanting it fixed/over with." My last ex was a chick who did just that as well. She didn't vent, cry, piss or moan. She pretended shit wasn't bad until we inevitably ended. I've also been in relationships where the guy or girl made logical, sincere attempts to get through it. I'm still friends with them, even though romantically we didn't work out.

But whatevs, I ain't even gonna try to change your mind. We both know it'll get us nowhere. Just like it's pointless for you to try to convince me that all women are crying, venting, little balls of emotion who crave men who don't let them think for themselves and men all crave to make everything happy and unbroken. 

The real thing to take away from all this bullshit, when it comes to relationships, there is no handbook. People are individuals, and what works on 500 people won't work on the next 500 people. Be confident, be happy, be yourself.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Dude. I have no idea where you jump off coming up with all those extra words you put in my mouth, and I don't know WHY a different viewpoint like mine would make you mad enough to do it, but that's just what I'm getting at. I have a successful happy life with the women in my life mainly BECAUSE I go out of my way to understand them as individuals, and I'm good at that BECAUSE I understand the basics, and no it's not an act, it is part of who I am. Despite how deeply you decided to speculate on me up there, we agree on a lot of things man. I figured you and anyone else who cares to read would like another opinion. I don't care to change minds, but frankly I'm a little peeved that something you don't agree with gets a visceral response like this. I only even visit this thread because I see a lot of young guys (you sound young at least) talking about issues that might never have in the first place, and I though maybe I'd help out. So you know, I really don't mind what you think, I'm not here for the pity party. Good luck regardless =\


----------



## Obsidian Soul

sazx12 said:


> I was hoping to get some advice from here because I go back to camp tomorrow and I really don't know how to approach this.
> 
> I started a camp on Monday last week thats about 3 weeks long. When I got there immediately noticed this girl because she was really really hot but not slutty at the same time. Anyway one of my roommates and I went for a smoke and then this girl comes over to talk to my roommate and I found out that he knows this girl well as they went to school together. So then me and this girl started talking and then I started hanging out with her and her bestfriend a lot. Everything was going really well and I mean really well, I thought she was flirting with me because of the things she was asking me to do like for example, she got some thorns stuck in lower back and bum and she asked me to take them out because they were hurting and I asked her if she felt comfortable with me doing something like that as it would involve me touching here and she said it was fine. There was a pause for about 5 seconds and then someone came over and asked me for something and that completely changed the subject. It also didn't help that guys kept coming over to me and telling me to "Get in there" right and front of her and guys also came over to ask if we were going out together, she got really awkward when that happened and I thought it was a major cockblock. So anyway I had a word with some of the guys and asked them not to cockblock me whilst everyone was having dinner and think that her and her best friend either saw or heard from someone else. Later on after dinner she was telling that loads of guys were trying to get her digits and she felt that I was the only guys she could talk to and I was a really nice guy and that I was probably going to be one of her lifelong friends. I think she was trying to make it really obvious that she just wanted to be friends and shit. We were still hanging out and I was still making an effort with her because I didn't want to seem shallow and I didn't want her to think I was hanging out with her just so I could get some pussy like pretty much all the other guys were. That same night she called me and sat cross legged in front of me and we started talking to me, I could feel she was trying to open up to me and then when she was finally getting to the point some of her friends started talking to her and she disappeared. I didn't see much of her until the next morning. After I had gotten up and gotten ready I went to see how she was doing and I noticed she was being really evasive and kind of ignoring me so I walked away and I also noticed her friends were doing the same with me. So I went up to the people in my group and asked them if they knew what was up. During the day I went to up 2-3 times to ask if everything was alright and she would either grab a friend so she wouldn't have to be alone whilst talking to me or she'd just say yeah and walk away. I was talking to other people to see if she was alright as well. Then later her and her best friend tell one of my roommates that they want to speak to me. So me and my roommate go and she starts off by saying she didn't have any feelings for me and she never would and also said that I was making her feel uncomfortable because I was following her. She then went on for a bit and then ended the conversation by telling me not to cut myself, cry or commit suicide. I then asked if that was it and then walked away. At that moment I was pretty pissed because when she told me not to cut myself, cry or commit suicide it hurt because I wasn't upset that she didn't like me in the same way it was more the way that she treated me like she couldn't have just talked me to privately and just told she didn't feel the same way. Also the way she said she was feeling uncomfortable made other girls think I was a creep when they found out and the thing is after we got to know each other she was dragging me along do things I didn't want to do and she was taking loads of selfies with me and her. So anyway she thought she was a bit harsh with what she said and came to find me in my room about 5 minutes later but there were about 5-6 people in there already so for some reason she started talking to the other people in my room and one of the easiest ways to get in major trouble was to go into someone elses room without permission from staff. So she got a warning which is pretty serious, if she got another one she could get kicked out. Ever since then we've been avoiding each other ever since.
> 
> I'm not very confident with girls and she was the first girl I've actually talked properly with and I got along really really well with her and her best friend. So I don't know if should approach her or just leave the whole situation as is
> 
> My question is, is there anything I can do so I can get with her? If not, is there anything I can do so we can still be friends because I really enjoyed her company?
> 
> Most guys have been telling me to go talk to some other girls but I don't want her to think i'm getting back at her in any way. This might seem shallow but I don't really want to go for any girls that aren't as hot as her either and she is one of the hottest girls there.
> 
> Sorry for the whole essay, its just that I really don't know what do in this situation.
> 
> Any help/advice will be greatly appreciated.
> 
> Thanks in advance!


Just leave her alone...


----------



## piggins411

^Agreed. Yeah, this is a lost cause. I feel like there's a lot to say here, but I'm just going to stick with leave her alone


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Leave her alone, and don't worry about it. Everyone is there to have a good time and nobody will care too much that you struck out with some girl, provided you show them that it doesn't effect you too much. You may get razzed a bit, but seriously the best thing to do is just be above it, I don't mean pretend, I mean really just don't sweat it. As far as "getting with her", it shouldn't be your objective to get "the" girl, it should be to have a good time meeting people and see which ones vibe with you, and she's made it clear that she's not it. That's ok man, so yes, go talk to other girls, and guys, counselors, brick walls, whatever, so long as you're enjoying yourself 

EDIT: as far as being "confident with girls" it's important to remember that they aren't unicorns or magic mythical beasts or something, they're human same as you. If you're comfy talking with guys, then have fun with girls the same way. The only reason you'd be nervous around them is because you feel pressure to "perform" so to speak, and people cans sense that. Whole point to this entire post: relax bruh


----------



## Chokey Chicken

sazx12 said:


> I was hoping to get some advice from here because I go back to camp tomorrow and I really don't know how to approach this.
> 
> I started a camp on Monday last week thats about 3 weeks long. When I got there immediately noticed this girl because she was really really hot but not slutty at the same time. Anyway one of my roommates and I went for a smoke and then this girl comes over to talk to my roommate and I found out that he knows this girl well as they went to school together. So then me and this girl started talking and then I started hanging out with her and her bestfriend a lot. Everything was going really well and I mean really well, I thought she was flirting with me because of the things she was asking me to do like for example, she got some thorns stuck in lower back and bum and she asked me to take them out because they were hurting and I asked her if she felt comfortable with me doing something like that as it would involve me touching here and she said it was fine. There was a pause for about 5 seconds and then someone came over and asked me for something and that completely changed the subject. It also didn't help that guys kept coming over to me and telling me to "Get in there" right and front of her and guys also came over to ask if we were going out together, she got really awkward when that happened and I thought it was a major cockblock. So anyway I had a word with some of the guys and asked them not to cockblock me whilst everyone was having dinner and think that her and her best friend either saw or heard from someone else. Later on after dinner she was telling that loads of guys were trying to get her digits and she felt that I was the only guys she could talk to and I was a really nice guy and that I was probably going to be one of her lifelong friends. I think she was trying to make it really obvious that she just wanted to be friends and shit. We were still hanging out and I was still making an effort with her because I didn't want to seem shallow and I didn't want her to think I was hanging out with her just so I could get some pussy like pretty much all the other guys were. That same night she called me and sat cross legged in front of me and we started talking to me, I could feel she was trying to open up to me and then when she was finally getting to the point some of her friends started talking to her and she disappeared. I didn't see much of her until the next morning. After I had gotten up and gotten ready I went to see how she was doing and I noticed she was being really evasive and kind of ignoring me so I walked away and I also noticed her friends were doing the same with me. So I went up to the people in my group and asked them if they knew what was up. During the day I went to up 2-3 times to ask if everything was alright and she would either grab a friend so she wouldn't have to be alone whilst talking to me or she'd just say yeah and walk away. I was talking to other people to see if she was alright as well. Then later her and her best friend tell one of my roommates that they want to speak to me. So me and my roommate go and she starts off by saying she didn't have any feelings for me and she never would and also said that I was making her feel uncomfortable because I was following her. She then went on for a bit and then ended the conversation by telling me not to cut myself, cry or commit suicide. I then asked if that was it and then walked away. At that moment I was pretty pissed because when she told me not to cut myself, cry or commit suicide it hurt because I wasn't upset that she didn't like me in the same way it was more the way that she treated me like she couldn't have just talked me to privately and just told she didn't feel the same way. Also the way she said she was feeling uncomfortable made other girls think I was a creep when they found out and the thing is after we got to know each other she was dragging me along do things I didn't want to do and she was taking loads of selfies with me and her. So anyway she thought she was a bit harsh with what she said and came to find me in my room about 5 minutes later but there were about 5-6 people in there already so for some reason she started talking to the other people in my room and one of the easiest ways to get in major trouble was to go into someone elses room without permission from staff. So she got a warning which is pretty serious, if she got another one she could get kicked out. Ever since then we've been avoiding each other ever since.
> 
> I'm not very confident with girls and she was the first girl I've actually talked properly with and I got along really really well with her and her best friend. So I don't know if should approach her or just leave the whole situation as is
> 
> My question is, is there anything I can do so I can get with her? If not, is there anything I can do so we can still be friends because I really enjoyed her company?
> 
> Most guys have been telling me to go talk to some other girls but I don't want her to think i'm getting back at her in any way. This might seem shallow but I don't really want to go for any girls that aren't as hot as her either and she is one of the hottest girls there.
> 
> Sorry for the whole essay, its just that I really don't know what do in this situation.
> 
> Any help/advice will be greatly appreciated.
> 
> Thanks in advance!



You can apologize and agree to remain just friends, or just forget she exists and move on. These are more than likely the only options you have. Also, don't be shallow and go for looks above all else. She's gonna be a gross wrinkly sack of organs at some point just like the rest of us.


----------



## soliloquy

sooo...the girl i was liking from ok cupid is starting to really irritate me...

we set up a date on the 3rd of august (different cities and our timings weren't matching, so a date about 3 weeks in advance?) and i started noticing her replies getting less and less frequent. then on friday she said that she thinks we should lessen our communication as me asking 'how are you doing/hows your day going?' translates to me micro-monitor her life.

no you dipshit, it means i'm concerned and it means i think you're awesome thus i'm investing my time in you.

whatever, i dont chase people nor do i prove to people i'm the best thing happening to them. i'll let her come to me if she must. if not, its just another page written in my story.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Random weird anonymous question: is moving in prematurely with a female (who is offering to move clear across the country/nation to be with you) a weird thing?


----------



## MFB

Weird? No, people do it all the time.
Short-sighted? Absolutely, especially when she's moving cross-country which leads me to believe there's been no face-to-face interaction.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

MFB said:


> Weird? No, people do it all the time.
> Short-sighted? Absolutely, especially when she's moving cross-country which leads me to believe there's been no face-to-face interaction.


Yep.


----------



## cwhitey2

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Random weird anonymous question: is moving in prematurely with a female (who is offering to move clear across the country/nation to be with you) a weird thing?



My ex gf moved in prematurely.








See what I did there.


----------



## groverj3

I've been interested in this girl here for a while and I'm going to complain about something that I'm sure gets mentioned here at least once every page.

I hate playing games. Especially this whole maintaining the abstract concept of "just enough communication." I send a text, she texts back, I post something on her Facebook wall, she comments, I invite her to hang out or whatever, and she usually accepts... but I still feel myself constantly fighting the desire to contact her more often. Too much and people get annoyed, too little and they lose interest. I'm always trying to find the acceptable middle ground.

I just want to spend time together and continue having interesting conversations without constant anxiety about pushing people away or being too boring. I blame my exes


----------



## groverj3

While I'm here I'll add that the tags on the thread are awesome


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

cwhitey2 said:


> See what I did there.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

I don't want to think about girls at all until I finnaly get one. Advice?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Well how the hell does that work?


----------



## Konfyouzd

cwhitey2 said:


> My ex gf moved in prematurely.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> See what I did there.



Premature = too soon... Too soon meaning you're not ready for that yet... Yes... It's a bad idea.


----------



## cwhitey2

Konfyouzd said:


> Premature = too soon... Too soon meaning you're not ready for that yet... Yes... It's a bad idea.



I did it as a favor for her and I knew it would make our break our relationship.



Today my ex made my day though.

I was surfing facebook....and shes back with her old bf (i don't care, i'm just thoroughly amused by the situation) who cheated on her once a month for over a year. 

My only thought was she must be so desperate for his little D that she'll do anyone


----------



## Konfyouzd

Oh I was more saying that in response to the guy asking if it was a bad idea, but yea that sort of thing is kinda sad. One of my more recent exes got back with someone terrible after we went our separate ways as well. I think some folks just feel like they don't have any other options which is... well, sad.


----------



## cwhitey2

Konfyouzd said:


> Oh I was more saying that in response to the guy asking if it was a bad idea, but yea that sort of thing is kinda sad. One of my more recent exes got back with someone terrible after we went our separate ways as well. I think some folks just feel like they don't have any other options which is kind of sad.



That's what I was thinking. I actually feel bad for her because shes so pathetic that she would go back with someone like that


----------



## soliloquy

groverj3 said:


> I've been interested in this girl here for a while and I'm going to complain about something that I'm sure gets mentioned here at once every page.
> 
> I hate playing games. Especially this whole maintaining the abstract concept of "just enough communication." I send a text, she texts back, I post something on her Facebook wall, she comments, I invite her to hang out or whatever, and she usually accepts... but I still feel myself constantly fighting the desire to contact her more often. Too much and people get annoyed, too little and they lose interest. I'm always trying to find the acceptable middle ground.
> 
> I just want to spend time together and continue having interesting conversations without constant anxiety about pushing people away or being too boring. I blame my exes



just a few posts above yours i did the same thing. i was talking to a friend who's had a fairly colorful resume when it comes to dating and he had this to say:
dating is a dance that you need to master. it takes a lot of practice to get it right, but when you do, you know it.
its difficult for me (soliloquy) as i know how to be in a relationship, which is a whole different ball game. i know how to keep up the romance and all for years as i've proven so by being in a relationship for 6 long years. however, dating requires courtship and games and tease just to get whatever you're looking for.


my idea for dating is 'if you like someone, you devote your time to that one person and learn more about the person. if you both are comfy, then take it one step further.

apparently thats the meaning of a relationship....

whatever, i dont chase people nor do i play games. my loss perhaps...


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Why is building trust so darn hard when it ought not to be?


----------



## asher

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Why is building trust so darn hard when it ought not to be?



Because it makes it easier to get hurt and we are highly risk-averse by nature.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

soliloquy said:


> just a few posts above yours i did the same thing. i was talking to a friend who's had a fairly colorful resume when it comes to dating and he had this to say:
> dating is a dance that you need to master. it takes a lot of practice to get it right, but when you do, you know it.
> its difficult for me (soliloquy) as i know how to be in a relationship, which is a whole different ball game. i know how to keep up the romance and all for years as i've proven so by being in a relationship for 6 long years. however, dating requires courtship and games and tease just to get whatever you're looking for.
> 
> 
> my idea for dating is 'if you like someone, you devote your time to that one person and learn more about the person. if you both are comfy, then take it one step further.
> 
> apparently thats the meaning of a relationship....
> 
> whatever, i dont chase people nor do i play games. my loss perhaps...



Yet another avant-guarde opinion (flame shield on)

From a woman's perspective, there are more men available to the average attractive woman than they can possibly meet, and a lot of them will lie to get laid, which comes with the possibility of major consequences for the woman. It's probably been that way for them since they were young. So, a lot of women learn that the only way to get down to the root of a mans true nature is to put some pressure on and see how he responds. I call it a shit-test, most guys call it "playing games". There's a negative connotation that comes with it, but when you recognize a shit test when you see one and you actually have your shit together, it can actually be fun to shit test them back. the honest response will always be the best BUT if you can not only recognize and pass a shit test, but throw it back on her in a playful way, she'll love you for being able to speak her language. So, "playing games" is pretty exhaustive especially when you don't particularly like or understand the situation, but as a fairly newly single man myself, I'd recommend that you expect at least a few shit tests, keep cool and always ask yourself "what do I really want". Keeps things simple, honest, and leaves you free to have some fun with the situation. 

In short, I believe that any time you deal with a high value girl, it behooves one to expect at least a small degree of gaming on their part, and there's no use than being any less than better than them at it. 

But all this is just advice, do whatever the FVCK you wanna do.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

She cheated on me and got pregnant. Yep. Another twist. Don't know if it's true or false, but it makes sense. This was almost expected.


----------



## Cabinet

Emperor Guillotine said:


> She cheated on me and got pregnant. Yep. Another twist. Don't know if it's true or false, but it makes sense. This was almost expected.



What a bitch. If she lives with you, pack her stuff and dump it on the sidewalk.


----------



## vilk

nvm I had my users here mixed up.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Emperor Guillotine said:


> She cheated on me and got pregnant. Yep. Another twist. Don't know if it's true or false, but it makes sense. This was almost expected.



Whoa...


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Cabinet said:


> What a bitch. If she lives with you, pack her stuff and dump it on the sidewalk.


Already an ex, man. So she is already gone.


----------



## Veldar

So I was at a party talking to my friends and we brought up girls and one of them mentioned a girl (lets call her Q) who he thought she was always laughing at my jokes and looking at me in classes. So after being told this I started to notice it more, she's kind of shy but I'm going to give it a shot and get it know her a bit better but the main thing is, according to her best friend a Mormon. I'm an Atheist and I have no problem with religious people and she doesn't like pushing it in peoples faces but I don't want to start dating and there be a massive problem later, has anyone else had this problem?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Worry about that issue when it presents itself.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

(15 fights later...)


----------



## groverj3

Konfyouzd said:


> Worry about that issue when it presents itself.



This.

Decent humans are decent humans, regardless of their political, economic, or religious bent.

It could cause problems later, or it might not. You won't know until it happens, but there's no reason to assume it will definitely cause problems.

I'm an atheist as well and would have some apprehension in the same situation, however, sometimes you have to take a chance. Just my (chronically single) 2c!


----------



## Veldar

I'll give you guys updates if anything happens but being an SS.org member its bound to


----------



## OmegaSlayer

I'm seriously considering to drop women interest for peaches.


----------



## Konfyouzd

groverj3 said:


> This.
> 
> Decent humans are decent humans, regardless of their political, economic, or religious bent.
> 
> It could cause problems later, or it might not. You won't know until it happens, but there's no reason to assume it will definitely cause problems.
> 
> I'm an atheist as well and would have some apprehension in the same situation, however, sometimes you have to take a chance. Just my (chronically single) 2c!



Almost every girl I dated has considered herself some variation of Christian. I can count on one hand the number of times we even discussed religion or politics. I never even have to mention that I'm a socialist athiest.


----------



## Necris

Oh god, OmegaSlayer, I didn't need to know that was a thing. Also, what the hell were you googling?


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Necris said:


> Oh god, OmegaSlayer, I didn't need to know that was a thing. Also, what the hell were you googling?



Juicy bum bum...
Peachy butt...
Sweet cheeks...
Sexy butts...


(It was on Kotaku, but I'd rather have you think that I'm a pervert than knowing that I read Kotaku  )


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

This might be really insignificant but it made me curious.

There's this girl I've known since high school, we go to the same college, we don't hang out much but we're really friendly to each other.

A few days ago (Monday I think) I went to my local gym as I've been doing, and when I was leaving I saw her leaving so I said hi. She gestured for a hug so we hugged and talked a bit as we walked out. I was wearing a tank so my arms were exposed, and she was like "Wow you're getting so much bigger!" and without asking just grabbed and felt up my arm as we were walking.

I didn't think much of it, I still don't really, but it made me a tad curious. Obviously we've known each other a long time and we're friendly and funny, but she's never done that and I didn't really think she would.

Should I think at all into this? Or was she just being friendly? Either way I'm cool. Just don't know if I'm under or over-judging it


----------



## asher

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> This might be really insignificant but it made me curious.
> 
> There's this girl I've known since high school, we go to the same college, we don't hang out much but we're really friendly to each other.
> 
> A few days ago (Monday I think) I went to my local gym as I've been doing, and when I was leaving I saw her leaving so I said hi. She gestured for a hug so we hugged and talked a bit as we walked out. I was wearing a tank so my arms were exposed, and she was like "Wow you're getting so much bigger!" and without asking just grabbed and felt up my arm as we were walking.
> 
> I didn't think much of it, I still don't really, but it made me a tad curious. Obviously we've known each other a long time and we're friendly and funny, but she's never done that and I didn't really think she would.
> 
> Should I think at all into this? Or was she just being friendly? Either way I'm cool. Just don't know if I'm under or over-judging it



Molehill, meet mountain.



But to be slightly more helpful, haha:

"Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it's enemy action."


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

You said: "Give me a week and then things will go back to normal... I promise."
More lies. More lies. More lies.


----------



## Ed_Ibanez_Shred

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> This might be really insignificant but it made me curious.
> 
> There's this girl I've known since high school, we go to the same college, we don't hang out much but we're really friendly to each other.
> 
> A few days ago (Monday I think) I went to my local gym as I've been doing, and when I was leaving I saw her leaving so I said hi. She gestured for a hug so we hugged and talked a bit as we walked out. I was wearing a tank so my arms were exposed, and she was like "Wow you're getting so much bigger!" and without asking just grabbed and felt up my arm as we were walking.
> 
> I didn't think much of it, I still don't really, but it made me a tad curious. Obviously we've known each other a long time and we're friendly and funny, but she's never done that and I didn't really think she would.
> 
> Should I think at all into this? Or was she just being friendly? Either way I'm cool. Just don't know if I'm under or over-judging it



It depends on the girl really, I know some who would do that sort of thing completely innocently in a friendly way, but there are some girls who would do that to indicate that they were 'interested' in you.


----------



## vilk

@golfy I would totally use that as an excuse to believe that the girl likes me. And then I'd ask her out. Even if turns out that she isn't interested in you, no harm ever came from taking a girl on a date. Also she's probably pretty fit if she actually works out so you oughta be trying to hit that anyway.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Ed_Ibanez_Shred said:


> It depends on the girl really, I know some who would do that sort of thing completely innocently in a friendly way, but there are some girls who would do that to indicate that they were 'interested' in you.


It's hard to tell with her. She miiiight be a virgin, I don't know, but she makes sexual comments a lot in funny situations, so it's that weird thing where I can't tell if she means it genuinely or is just being friendly.



vilk said:


> @golfy I would totally use that as an excuse to believe that the girl likes me. And then I'd ask her out. Even if turns out that she isn't interested in you, no harm ever came from taking a girl on a date. Also she's probably pretty fit if she actually works out so you oughta be trying to hit that anyway.



You make a good point. I see her at the gym sometimes, so maybe if I see her there again before school starts I'll bring it up. That way it won't seem like I've been obsessing over it and it will come off as casual yet genuine, which is the way I think she presents herself if I know her well enough.
She's fit enough, I'd say. She's health conscious. She's got a ghetto booty that's muscle not fat and she rans half marathons and stuff. Fit enough for me


----------



## Ed_Ibanez_Shred

Dude, ask her out. You have nothing to lose, the worst she can do is say no. And she obviously likes you to some extent so she probably won't say no.


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## OmegaSlayer

Ed_Ibanez_Shred said:


> It depends on the girl really, I know some who would do that sort of thing completely innocently in a friendly way, but there are some girls who would do that to indicate that they were 'interested' in you.



And I would pay huge amounts of money to understand that...

Anyway...  too...a lot...missed a huge opportunity last week.
And and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND peaches rot 

FML!


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


>





Half my brain regarding cute new hire is like "if she didn't have a boyfriend, which she brought up with incredible reluctance the first time it was relevant, ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM" and the other half is like "you've got a crush because she's cute and seems interesting and likes metal but mostly BECAUSE SHE'S JUST THERE."

Ugggggh.


_notsober_


----------



## soliloquy

got a date in a few hours. a bit nervous as she seems pretty cool. hopefully i dont make an ass of myself...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Godspeed


----------



## Skyblue

SO 1.5 years after me and my ex broke up, looks like I'm still in love with her. Though, it's also possible I'm simply in love with the image of her I have left (meaning ignoring the bad things). We chatted a bit on WhatsApp after not talking at all for almost a year, it was really nice. I offered to meet up and just hang and she agreed, but it'll take 2 weeks as she's still serving in the army (She had the whole day free and I only texted her in the evening, ugh). 

What do, SS.org?


----------



## asher

Tread lightly and be honest with yourself.


----------



## Gothic Headhunter

asher said:


> "you've got a crush because she's cute and seems interesting and likes metal but mostly BECAUSE SHE'S JUST THERE."
> 
> Ugggggh.
> 
> 
> _notsober_



Hate that. Sometimes the "something's better than nothing" philosophy doesn't always work


----------



## soliloquy

came back from the date, and yup, shes just as cool

though i think i might have my work cut out for this. she admitted up until recently she had a very hard time trusting me, thus almost resented them. she realized she cant just lump all men in one category, thus it'll take time for her to open up. 

but thats cool, i'm not looking for anything serious at the moment.


----------



## asher

soliloquy said:


> came back from the date, and yup, shes just as cool
> 
> though i think i might have my work cut out for this. she admitted up until recently she had a very hard time trusting me, thus almost resented them. she realized she cant just lump all men in one category, thus it'll take time for her to open up.
> 
> but thats cool, i'm not looking for anything serious at the moment.



Just be open and honest and let things go at her pace and you should be fine.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

So the girl who felt my arms that one day I think went back to my school early cause she's an RA, I haven't seen her around. Oh well, I'll talk to her when I get back to school.

There's this other girl who I've been talking to a lot lately, I haven't met her yet but she goes to my college. She's really cute and fun to talk to. I'm trying to figure out my drastically changing schedule so I can ask her if she wants to go see Guardians of the Galaxy with me.


----------



## asher

DOOOEEEEET

Even just because the movie is fvcking awesome


----------



## Konfyouzd

Pretty sure I'm at the absolute end of my rope at this point...

As you recall, the last time my gf was upset about something she took it to the extreme and decided to ignore me for 2 days over period cramps and not knowing how to tell me that I need to clean up my house a bit. I feel like that could have been dealt with a little easier, but she has a few issues as we all do and I said that I'd not only try to stay on top of my housework better but also be a bit more patient with her while she tries to work on not being so weird with me when she's upset. 

My guess is that someone in the past made her feel really shitty about the things she thinks and feels and now she no longer feels comfortable sharing that information. Then again, I wouldn't know because she doesn't fvcking talk to me.

Well... 

This weekend we were supposed to go to King's Dominion... While she was at work she said that she didn't wanna go anymore (it was going to rain anyway) and we agreed to go to a movie instead when her friend finished coloring her hair.

Well... Work ended... I never heard from her. Called about 3 times throughout the course of the day with at least an hour between calls. Finally I get ahold of her at 8PM. She says that she was asleep... AGAIN... And that her mother had said something to her that really got to her and she was no longer up to hanging out that night...

Umm... Okay...

The next day she's even more mean and I don't know why...

I called and she sends it to voicemail then texts back that she's sorry and doesn't feel like talking. So I told her that it's cool, that I miss her and I hope she feels better soon.

She replies: "Yup."

I asked if I'd done anything wrong to upset her and she simply repeats that she doesn't want to talk.

Okay...

She still hasn't spoken to me at this point.

I don't get it... I'm pretty sure it's over at this point, and I don't really think there's much I could have done to make this work anyway... 

Now the only thing I can think of is that she doesn't like the fact that I recently cut my hair. I cut my hair Saturday and when I sent her the pic of the pile of hair in my bathroom she sent back "OH MY FVCKING GOD!!! YOU DIDN'T!!!!" and that was literally the last text I got from her before all this shit happened. It very well may be that she and her mother were in the middle of whatever argument they had at the time that I sent the pic, but I still don't get why she pushes me away so hard every time something else upsets her. Then she expects me to be cool and understanding every time when she comes back and tells me the most mundane bullshit ever is what completely ruined our weekend.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Konfyouzd said:


> I called and she sends it to voicemail then texts back that she's sorry and doesn't feel like talking. So I told her that it's cool, that I miss her and I hope she feels better soon.
> 
> She replies: "Yup."
> 
> I asked if I'd done anything wrong to upset her and she simply repeats that she doesn't want to talk.
> 
> Okay...



BEEN THERE. DONE THAT.



Konfyouzd said:


> I still don't get why she pushes me away so hard every time something else upsets her. Then she expects me to be cool and understanding every time when she comes back and tells me the most mundane bullshit ever is what completely ruined our weekend.



DUDE, YOU JUST SUMMED UP MY LAST RELATIONSHIP. (The hellish one I just got out of.)
She might be psycho or bipolar like the chick I was with. Or she just doesn't understand how social understand works.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Yea... I'm just gonna stop calling her. I'd like to get certain things back that she's borrowed, though. Hopefully I'll hear back from her for that at the very least.

I'm really tired of people acting cool and then turning completey batshit crazy within the first 2 weeks of knowing them. And they always seem to try and turn it around and make me out to be the asshole at the point that I become frustrated and can't hold it in anymore when I don't do anything but try to meet them half way.

I personally think she might be interested in someone else now and is trying to make me break up with her. She seemed so comfortable with mentioning how many dudes she'd talked to from that site in the past. There are so many things about her that should have been red flags... Oh well. Live and learn.

No more dating sites...


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> Now the only thing I can think of is that she doesn't like the fact that I recently cut my hair. I cut my hair Saturday and when I sent her the pic of the pile of hair in my bathroom she sent back "OH MY FVCKING GOD!!! YOU DIDN'T!!!!" and that was literally the last text I got from her before all this shit happened.





That's pretty whack, dude.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Indeed... I'm ready for closure now. But as of yet she still hasn't spoken to me. Aside from telling me she doesn't wanna talk to me. 

She still has my MS Surface, though... Gonna need dat...

EDIT: What's crazy, though is that part of me feels like the thing about her mother upsetting her is true. And maybe they got into some kind of fight about me. It wouldn't be the first time a chick's parents had a problem with her dating me... And it wouldn't be the first time it led to problems. The fact remains, that I think she should be adult enough to discuss that with me. She's 30 years old. That said, I just sent her a text letting her know that I'm going to continue to give her space if she needs it but that I had a few things to get off my chest and she can respond whenever she's ready.

Let her know that her being cold the way she does was actually rather hurtful and I know that she's probably had her own way of dealing with things for a long time, but that it's not really fair to the other person if you're in a relationship doing that sort of thing. I dont think I've ever had a gf that ran to everyone but me when she had a problem. It's like she only wants to see me when she's happy and smiling and even then she only seems to want to do that if a friend doesn't have something going on which is also weird. We only get to see each other maybe once a week if that.

At any rate, I'm going to wait to see what she says, but I've kinda already started looking at others... 

Fvck it...


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> Indeed... I'm ready for closure now. But as of yet she still hasn't spoken to me. Aside from telling me she doesn't wanna talk to me.
> 
> She still has my MS Surface, though... Gonna need dat...



Damn straight you do.  my Surface(s - I got a Pro 2 to replace my laptop when it died..)

I'm sorry you keep having such shitty luck dude


----------



## Konfyouzd

It's cool. It has to be at least half my fault for picking these women. 

What I would like to know, though... Is where to women keep getting all these hard rules about things?

"Latin men act like ____"
"Never date a younger guy because ____" (Every chick that's said that to me has been immature as hell herself)
"All men eventually ______ "

It seems as though a lot of them don't even wanna man... They just say they do. I really don't like being told what I'm going to do by someone who doesn't even know me yet.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Might be the worst idea I've ever had but today after work I'm going down to her house to talk. If she won't do that at the very least I can get my tablet back and move on with my life.

EDIT: Finally a response. She can't handle being in a relationship right now because she'd prefer to stay the way she is and acknowledges that it's not right to put someone through that (paraphrased). And I decided to say something really nice rather than be an asshole back. 

She's returning the tablet tomorrow... The day of her final for the class for which she borrowed it in the first place. Clever clever. 

At any rate I feel 1000% better now that I have closure. That sexy redhead stopped riding the bus for a long time but has recently returned and still seems to like sitting next to me... Timing... Thanks universe.


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> At any rate I feel 1000% better now that I have closure. That sexy redhead stopped riding the bus for a long time but has recently returned and still seems to like sitting next to me... Timing... Thanks universe.



I could use some of that 

go go go!


----------



## Skyblue

Decided, god knows why, to check the ex's facebook page. NOT HELPING YOURSELF, YOU IDIOT. 

just kidding, it's not that bad, but still had me feeling sorry that it ended. Her being fluffin' beautiful doesn't really help either.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Wait wait wait... Konfyouzd, you cut off the dreads?!


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Konfyouzd said:


> EDIT: Finally a response. She can't handle being in a relationship right now because she'd prefer to stay the way she is and acknowledges that it's not right to put someone through that (paraphrased). And I decided to say something really nice rather than be an asshole back.



Depending on how she worded it, that's not so bad. At least she decided to break it off sooner rather than later. (even if she could have done it sooner than the "sooner" she chose.") Closure is always nice, and it tends to give you a clear conscience about pursuing other women. You're not left guessing "I _think_ we're through, so I think it's okay to pursue other ventures."


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

I'm 20 years old.

I haven't had a girlfriend since the 10th grade in high school. 

And just lately I noticed, I have *physically* *given up* on finding a girlfriend. Every time I meet new girls it's like meeting a dude for the first time. I literally feel nothing. Before, in high school, if I met a cute girl for the first time... I'd get that feeling, ya know dudes, that feeling, and i'd flirt with her for a little while, trying to get her phone number. And during high school it led to hookups every now and then and that sort of thing, but never a relationship.

Fast forward a few years... out of highschool, working 60 hours a week, I simply don't get that feeling anymore meeting new women. Fvcking *nothing*. I literally talk and act like I do around any other folk. What has happened to me? I want a girlfriend, but at the same time... I'm not gonna force myself to talk or act different to get one, before it just happened naturally, it's just not anymore it doesn't happen. It's like I have absolutely no natural drive to attract women to myself like I used to. 

.... if I know what to do. This ever happen to anybody else?


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

ZeroTolerance94 said:


> I'm 20 years old.
> 
> I haven't had a girlfriend since the 10th grade in high school.
> 
> And just lately I noticed, I have *physically* *given up* on finding a girlfriend. Every time I meet new girls it's like meeting a dude for the first time. I literally feel nothing. Before, in high school, if I met a cute girl for the first time... I'd get that feeling, ya know dudes, that feeling, and i'd flirt with her for a little while, trying to get her phone number. And during high school it led to hookups every now and then and that sort of thing, but never a relationship.
> 
> Fast forward a few years... out of highschool, working 60 hours a week, I simply don't get that feeling anymore meeting new women. Fvcking *nothing*. I literally talk and act like I do around any other folk. What has happened to me? I want a girlfriend, but at the same time... I'm not gonna force myself to talk or act different to get one, before it just happened naturally, it's just not anymore it doesn't happen. It's like I have absolutely no natural drive to attract women to myself like I used to.
> 
> .... if I know what to do. This ever happen to anybody else?


You and me are in the same exact boat, man.
Only difference is that I work 30 hours a week and am a full-time student at the university. Lol

I'm just not excited to meet women anymore. It's just like in the back of my mind I think: "Well...yeah..." and you settle into this state of just acceptance after a long period.

I'm not happy with my life (by far), but I can say that I'm happy right now in not having a girlfriend. I'd just never have time for her due to so much going on with work, school, music, etc. And right now...I'm poor. I need to be stingy hold on to as much money as possible in order to pay the bills...and we all known how the girlfriends siphon money out of us guys.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Konfyouzd said:


> I dont think I've ever had a gf that ran to everyone but me when she had a problem. It's like she only wants to see me when she's happy and smiling and even then she only seems to want to do that if a friend doesn't have something going on which is also weird. We only get to see each other maybe once a week if that.


My ex. ^ In a nutshell.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Chokey Chicken said:


> Depending on how she worded it, that's not so bad. At least she decided to break it off sooner rather than later. (even if she could have done it sooner than the "sooner" she chose.") Closure is always nice, and it tends to give you a clear conscience about pursuing other women. You're not left guessing "I _think_ we're through, so I think it's okay to pursue other ventures."



She worded it the best she could... I suppose... 

I'm cool; I can take it. Wanna check that redhead out.


----------



## piggins411

Konfyouzd said:


> Wanna check that redhead out.




This is basically my life's motto


----------



## vilk

ZeroTolerance94 said:


> I'm 20 years old.
> 
> I haven't had a girlfriend since the 10th grade in high school.
> 
> And just lately I noticed, I have *physically* *given up* on finding a girlfriend. Every time I meet new girls it's like meeting a dude for the first time. I literally feel nothing. Before, in high school, if I met a cute girl for the first time... I'd get that feeling, ya know dudes, that feeling, and i'd flirt with her for a little while, trying to get her phone number. And during high school it led to hookups every now and then and that sort of thing, but never a relationship.
> 
> Fast forward a few years... out of highschool, working 60 hours a week, I simply don't get that feeling anymore meeting new women. Fvcking *nothing*. I literally talk and act like I do around any other folk. What has happened to me? I want a girlfriend, but at the same time... I'm not gonna force myself to talk or act different to get one, before it just happened naturally, it's just not anymore it doesn't happen. It's like I have absolutely no natural drive to attract women to myself like I used to.
> 
> .... if I know what to do. This ever happen to anybody else?


 Try talking to older girls. 24, 25, 26 or so. They've got no illusions... or at least they've lost some, and they generally have a better understanding of how guys actually are, and many of them even appreciate it! The let-down is that many of them are not as hot as 20 year old girls. But also not as much ....ing idiots.


----------



## Skyblue

How do you guys deal with having a hot friend, that you know sleeping with will ruin your friendship? 

I know I'll never act on the urge cause our friendship is important to me, but god it's hard (NO PUN INTENDED)


----------



## Maku

ZeroTolerance94 said:


> I'm 20 years old.
> 
> I haven't had a girlfriend since the 10th grade in high school.
> 
> And just lately I noticed, I have *physically* *given up* on finding a girlfriend. Every time I meet new girls it's like meeting a dude for the first time. I literally feel nothing. Before, in high school, if I met a cute girl for the first time... I'd get that feeling, ya know dudes, that feeling, and i'd flirt with her for a little while, trying to get her phone number. And during high school it led to hookups every now and then and that sort of thing, but never a relationship.
> 
> Fast forward a few years... out of highschool, working 60 hours a week, I simply don't get that feeling anymore meeting new women. Fvcking *nothing*. I literally talk and act like I do around any other folk. What has happened to me? I want a girlfriend, but at the same time... I'm not gonna force myself to talk or act different to get one, before it just happened naturally, it's just not anymore it doesn't happen. It's like I have absolutely no natural drive to attract women to myself like I used to.
> 
> .... if I know what to do. This ever happen to anybody else?




i've posted here before about a few problems, but after getting dumped and realizing how much better it is to be single I'd suggest ur beta-ass not to complain. Go out with your friends and put ur johnson in some 8/10's vazhine, it's not that hard, you'll have time to be in a relationship all your life, enjoy being single while it lasts.


----------



## vilk

@Sky 
In my opinion/experience, if you guys are truly friends it will be ok. I've been close friends with this ridiculously smoking hot girl since we were in middle school. I never thought I'd have a shot in hell at sleeping with her, but lo and behold I grow up and get decently good looking myself, and one day we're drinking wine watching the tube, then suddenly we bang out on each other most righteously. And we're still friends even now. I think there's been a few other occasions where we made out or touched each others parts or something, but honestly (as ....ed up as this is about to sound) she's like a sister to me. 

I believe that many guys call hot girls "friends" when really in the back of their minds they are potential partners. I'm wondering if that's not what's really going on with you and that girl. But I don't know y'all. 
Being in a relationship, or even just being romantically attracted to someone, doesn't have only to do with being compatible personalities, you also have to have compatible life goals and schedules etc. etc.. For these kinds of reason I believe there can be platonic relationships between men and women who are sexually attracted to each other.
Being sexually attracted to someone is literally the least deep thing on the planet. It doesn't have to do with anything aside from boners and juices and such. People can .... each other and have it not mean or change anything, and I believe that is especially possible when two people really do understand how they feel about each other.


----------



## cwhitey2

So i signed up for a couple of dating sites since i realized i never actually come on contact with different women  lets see how this works out


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Been seeing the ex for a while... The one that cheated on me in high school....

....Tiz weird but good....


----------



## vilk

I was in that boat a couple weeks ago. The worst part about it is that I still like her more than any girls I've met in the past 8 years or whatever since I dated her. And her vagina feels better. Magic ....in tanger man.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Yeah im almost at the point now aye, only chick who showed any attention towards me went cold for no reason and has only started making the odd contact recently. FML


----------



## goherpsNderp

cwhitey2 said:


> So i signed up for a couple of dating sites since i realized i never actually come on contact with different women  lets see how this works out



it's kind of weird and scary, but if you're good at making small talk and laughing it off you can quickly get past the nervousness.

i think the worst part is the initial meetup because you walk into the coffee shop or bar or whatever and scan the room forever and awkwardly go grab a drink and check your phone a million times before you finally find her.

i'm married now, and it's been a good 5 years since i've met girls on dating sites, but i feel like if i were to be thrown into that world again (ie: divorced or left or whatever but things weren't catastrophic) i'd probably do a lot better. i'm not too good looking or anything but i've developed a good 'coating' of cynicism and easy going-ness that would help me act more naturally now, and be more attentive to any red flags in a potential date.

i used to just kind of dive in without looking back in the day with any girl that was somewhat attractive and gave me any amount of attention. VERY DANGEROUS.


----------



## Riffer

I just had some crazy shit happen. I'll need to set aside a good amount of time to fill all you guys in and get your take on the situation. Stay tuned probably in the next day or so for all the info.


----------



## MikeH

Skyblue said:


> How do you guys deal with having a hot friend, that you know sleeping with will ruin your friendship?
> 
> I know I'll never act on the urge cause our friendship is important to me, but god it's hard (NO PUN INTENDED)



Before my girlfriend and I were serious, I slept with my best friend since 1st grade. It was awesome. We're still friends, we're both in separate, long-term relationships, and we're cool with it. It ruled, we talked about it for a bit, then went back to just hanging. We still go get food from time to time and just hang out. It really depends on the friendship, I guess.


----------



## cwhitey2

goherpsNderp said:


> it's kind of weird and scary, but if you're good at making small talk and laughing it off you can quickly get past the nervousness.
> 
> i think the worst part is the initial meetup because you walk into the coffee shop or bar or whatever and scan the room forever and awkwardly go grab a drink and check your phone a million times before you finally find her.
> 
> i'm married now, and it's been a good 5 years since i've met girls on dating sites, but i feel like if i were to be thrown into that world again (ie: divorced or left or whatever but things weren't catastrophic) i'd probably do a lot better. i'm not too good looking or anything but i've developed a good 'coating' of cynicism and easy going-ness that would help me act more naturally now, and be more attentive to any red flags in a potential date.
> 
> i used to just kind of dive in without looking back in the day with any girl that was somewhat attractive and gave me any amount of attention. VERY DANGEROUS.



Well for what its worth I met one of my ex's on a dating site 

She was actually one of the best gf's i have ever had to be honest


----------



## MFB

MikeH said:


> Before my girlfriend and I were serious, I slept with my best friend since 1st grade. It was awesome. We're still friends, we're both in separate, long-term relationships, and we're cool with it. It ruled, we talked about it for a bit, then went back to just hanging. We still go get food from time to time and just hang out. It really depends on the friendship, I guess.



Might want to change the word of 'since' to 'from' cause at first it reads like you were boning her from first grad till whenever GF came into the picture


----------



## asher




----------



## goherpsNderp

cwhitey2 said:


> Well for what its worth I met one of my ex's on a dating site
> 
> She was actually one of the best gf's i have ever had to be honest



i've met some cool people on there too. my wife actually "met" me when i was at work, and then came across my profile on OKC. she contacted me on there and told me she went to school where i worked, and we just started chatting online a lot and playing games together online.

4 years later here i am!!! getting stalked can be cool.


----------



## MikeH

MFB said:


> Might want to change the word of 'since' to 'from' cause at first it reads like you were boning her from first grad till whenever GF came into the picture



Who says I wasn't?


----------



## Obsidian Soul

MikeH said:


> Before my girlfriend and I were serious, I slept with my best friend since 1st grade. It was awesome. We're still friends, we're both in separate, long-term relationships, and we're cool with it. It ruled, we talked about it for a bit, then went back to just hanging. We still go get food from time to time and just hang out. It really depends on the friendship, I guess.


I didn't think kids in the 1st grade was interested in the cat


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Obsidian Soul said:


> I didn't think kids in the 1st grade was interested in the cat




Best friend since 1st meaning their friend they had since 1st grade, they didn't .... in 1st grade. That'd just be weird.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Chokey Chicken said:


> Best friend since 1st meaning their friend they had since 1st grade, they didn't .... in 1st grade. That'd just be weird.


His placement of words confuses the audience..


----------



## BlackMastodon

I understood it just fine the first time reading it, jus' sayin'.


----------



## asher

BlackMastodon said:


> I understood it just fine the first time reading it, jus' sayin'.



Me too, but the resulting chain's been pretty funny


----------



## MikeH

You're all dumb-dumbs.


----------



## Ed_Ibanez_Shred

To be fair, that syntax was confusing, but it was obvious what you meant


----------



## Obsidian Soul

MikeH said:


> You're all dumb-dumbs.


I was just joking.I knew what you meant,but I was just commenting on your syntax.

I don't really have anything new to report,but I am asking for some miniscule advice.After some observations,I have dwindled my options down to this one chick with the septum ring(not to be confused with the female I was talking about many pages ago).The only problem I have is that she's friendly with girls and a lot of guys.If you look back an innumerable pages ago,I was in a similar situation as before,and I found out she was secretly smashing one of the guys.I have no qualms with a chick talking to other guys even if she was my girlfriend,but it just seems a little daunting and difficult since she is so friendly with a bunch of guys and I might just be "just another guy"or she could be the girl everybody has had(pardon me for the run-on sentence).

She had her shoulder out and short shorts on.She is running my libido up walls.HALP ME!


----------



## vilk

Dude who gives a .... just try to do it to her. You know how thinking about her makes your wiener hard? That's literally nature telling you that you're _supposed_ to be having sex with her.


----------



## asher




----------



## Konfyouzd

vilk said:


> Dude who gives a .... just try to do it to her. You know how thinking about her makes your wiener hard? That's literally nature telling you that you're _supposed_ to be having sex with her.





SCIENCE!!!!!


----------



## MikeH

Claim her before they do. Show them that you're the alpha. By which I mean, piss on her and roar in their general direction.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Gonna start peeing on women... 



> YOU MY GU'L!!!!


----------



## Riffer

First, this is a very long story but I wanted to make sure all the details were discussed. At the end of the story I'll have some questions to ask so this isn't just a story for the hell of it. I'd like some opinions and input if possible and you have the time. I'm breaking this up into a 2 part post so this is the first part and I'll take a break since there's a lot going on and a lot to type and then finish is up tonight or tomorrow. Now, let me take you on a journey...............



So I met a girl named Sam who plays acoustic guitar and sings back in November. I play guitar and do acoustic gigs as well so got together and started gigging together. We became good friends throughout the months and had a blast. She was talking to some guy and he was being a jerk and she was always bummed out and finally told him to .... off. I saw that she was always depressed and offered to go out sometime to dinner with her. She politely declined saying "she doesn't want to date someone she works with in the music industry". I told her I completely understand and I usually don't even go after people I play music with but she seemed upset and I figured we could just go out and talk and have fun.

So we kept gigging and being friends. We would kind of flirt when we played gigs with each other as is part of the show when you're playing college bars. You have to be playful with each other while performing. I took her for some rides on my motorcycle and we had a lot of fun. Then we ended up hanging out after a gig one night and went to a local bar and watched a band play. While there I had a sudden urge to make a move. We left and went down the street for some food around 1:30am. We get food and then ride back to my house (we are on my motorcycle). 

On the way back to my house she reached around me and started holding my hand while on the bike. I'm confused but excited. We stop at a red light and she puts her arms over my shoulders. I'm still excited and still a little confused. We pull into my driveway and I take off my helmet and just go over and lay a huge kiss on her. She starts to reciprocate. We move inside to my bedroom and one thing after the other, badda bing badda boom. The next morning we wake up................badda bing badda boom #2!! 

She leaves and we text and say we both had a awesome night. So we are hooking up for like 2-3 weeks after this but aren't "official". Finally we make it official and everyone knows we are a couple. NOW HERES WHERE THE REAL STORY BEGINS!!!

We are still playing gigs now but are now in a relationship as well. I'm also in another full band (cover band) on the side. She starts saying (jokingly) how this is a bad idea. She says these things never work out. We are 1 week into being a couple and we have a gig on my birthday. We play the gig and some of my friends come out to see me. A few of them are girls. I introduced them to my girlfriend and they all are nice and say hello. Everyone is buying me drinks and the night is going good. We get done playing and Sam (my girlfriend) packs up and has a attitude as she leaves. I ask her what's wrong and she says nothing.

She then texts me once she has left and tells me "Go hang out with all the girls after your g/f leaves". Basically tells me that she knows how these things go with guys in bands and that while shes around I'll be tame but once she leaves I'm going to act like a single guy. The next day she finally calms down and tells me she has major trust issues since shes been cheated on and hurt before (join the club babe).

Everything is cool again. I post something on Facebook about a gig coming up for my band and tag a couple of friends that are girls because I know that they go there all the time. I get a text 20 minutes later from Sam.

Sam: "Who's Allison?"
Me: She's my buddy Jon's girlfriend

I then ask her why she wanted to know to which she replies "No reason". Which is total bullshit so I say to her "Do you think I want to get with every girls I know?" Which send her into a total fit asking why I would say stuff like that and that's not why she asked, which is total bullshit again.

BAM....another week or 2 go by and she comes to one of my gigs with my full band. The WHOLE TIME she is off to the side of the stage watching me play but freaking out because girls are dancing and watching me. She's not enjoying herself and is glaring at any and all females that look at me or are even close to the stage. After the gig people are at the front of the stage and we are talking to them and giving them info about the band. One girl says she likes me shirt and if she can have it. I laugh and go "no sorry". I walk over to Sam and she just goes "did that girl give you her #?" I tell her no and she goes "well she obviously wants you". I just brush it off and kiss her and tell her I'm glad she came and I keep wrapping up my cables. As we are leaving apparently the girl that wanted my shirt walks by and says "bye pankcakes" (the shirt I was wearing had pancakes on it). I didn't even hear this girl. 3 days later Sam brings up Pancake Girl like its some big deal!!! WTF!!!

Another couple days go by and she texts me again asking who "Elizabeth" is. Sam has been going through my facebook status and seeing who "LIKED" it and seeing who the girls were and then would text me asking who they were. This time I don't make a big deal out of it and just say "She's my cousins best friend and is friends with me and a few other people and also plays poker with us sometimes". I don't even ask why she wants to know or anything. I just let it slide.

We get in an argument a few days later about her having trust issues and how I wish she would just trust me. I told her I feel like I'm being punished for her ex's behavior. She said her trust has to be "earned" and that only a person with something to hide would have a problem with that. Like really WTF?!?! I say OK well I'm just going to keep being me and she'll see that I'm a great guy.

Then a week ago I post on Facebook that I'm playing a gig to promote it. A friend of mine who is a girl comments on the post and says. "Are you playing anywhere next Friday?" I respond "Yeah, but in NJ". 30 minutes later I get a text.

Sam: "who's Jamie?"
Me: A friend of mine who rides motorcycle with my friends and used to date 2 of them.

She gets pissed that a girl that dated 2 of my friends is apparently in her words "hitting me up" on Facebook. I tell her that she is just asking where I'm playing next because she a friend and wants to come see me play as most friends do. She still thinks its shady. Whatever. I see Sam after work that night. She is playing a solo acoustic gig down the street. She has a little attitude from the moment I get there. I stay for one set because I actually have my own gig to get to a couple streets over. I kiss her and say bye and ask if she's coming to my gig after she's done. She says maybe. I know she's very tired so I'm cool if she doesn't come.

I'm playing my gig and Sam shows up in the middle. I finish my 2nd set of songs and go hang out with her and some of my friends who stopped by. She is not joining in on the convo or even acting like she's interested. I can see that she is tired. I have to go start my 3rd set of music so she goes "I'm just going to leave". I kiss her and say OK I'll talk to you later and she leaves. 

I get done my gig and am walking out to my car. I look at my phone and I have a text from Sam. It reads................

Sam: "I'm ....ed, I just ran off the road and blew a tire, what am I gonna do???"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I will stop the story there because I have to actually run out the door right now. I will finish up the story with screen shots of texts and everything hopefully later tonight or tomorrow. I appreciate anyone who reads all this and actually sticks around to hear the conclusion.


----------



## Noxon

Riffer said:


> A long story...



Yeah, man. I am in. anxious to read part two. I hope it isn't completely ....ed up...

I am old, and married, but down to try and help.


----------



## soliloquy

i'm getting a bit irritated by this girl...

back story for those who are not following me:
met this girl through okcupid. talked for about 2 months off and on. she randomly kept dropping off for a few days then replying a wall of text and then disappearing. gave her my phone number and then started texting back and forth and then randomly disappear for a few days. we met up and we both had a great time and said that we should hang out again soon.

and then she disappears again... 

sure, she may have been being nice and then not having the heart to meet me again, i get that. she may have been stringing me along, i get that. she maybe playing hard to get or playing a game, and i get that too.

she also did say that she has a VERY hard time trusting men, and up until recently she used to despise men. i get that. she also said that she values her personal space the most over anything else, and i get that too. i'm not pressuring her into anything, letting her do what she likes at her own comfort level.

she also said that shes casually seeing someone else that she kinda likes but has no idea where their relationship is going. that irritates me a bit, but i have no right to be irritated as we are not exclusive, nor in a relationship nor have we established any ground rules or anything else....so i get that too..

i'm not talking to her. if she wants to contact me, she will. but i will let her know the next time we hang out (if at all...) that i dont like wasting my, nor others time. i dont like being strung along, and i'd be damned if i lead someone else on. i get shes busy with her minutia in life and that shes also seeing someone else. i'll back off tell her to sort her shit and contact me when she has more time as the only thing i'm asking for her is her time. 

for what its worth, this girl is super smart! conversations, when they flow, happen so effortlessly and are fun. she is opinionated, driven, confident (though something about her confidence that is off that i cant put my finger on it), can carry a conversation, has a great sense of humour, can be thought provoking and challenging, which i really like, plus shes super cute. i just need more time from her, which she prolly isn't willing to give, so thats fine. i'll look elsewhere 

.... this, i'm done with online dating. i'm done with dating for a while. time to focus on my health and myself again. 

game on


----------



## Axayacatl

FOOLS!!!!

FOOLS ALL OF YE!!!!

CATS, GUITARS, BOGNER AMPS, AXE FX 2 FOR WHEN THE CATS SLEEPTH, HIGH CLASS ESCORTS, JAMESON NEAT AND MARY JANE!!!!

.... THESE SILLY WOMEN

WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR PRECIOUS CAT AND GUITAR TIME ON WOMEN WHOSE MAIN FUNDAMENTAL ISSUE IS LOW SELF ESTEEM!!!

heal soon my friends

Tight hugs to all


----------



## asher

Axayacatl said:


> .... THESE SILLY WOMEN



But... that's the whole idea! And thus the problem


----------



## Eliguy666

Axayacatl said:


> SILLY WOMEN



I maintain that, even if women are silly, men are as or more often sillier in my experience. Or maybe it's just cause guys are more likely to talk to me about romantic stuff for some reason .


----------



## asher

Eliguy666 said:


> I maintain that, even if women are silly, men are as or more often sillier in my experience. Or maybe it's just cause guys are more likely to talk to me about romantic stuff for some reason .



As much as I disparage wide generalizations: women are crazy and men are stupid 


(though they often look similar!)

(this post: not entirely serious)


----------



## Eliguy666

asher said:


> As much as I disparage wide generalizations: women are crazy and men are stupid
> 
> 
> (though they often look similar!)
> 
> (this post: not entirely serious)



I dunno, I think the world is in general a lot easier on men-crazy, mixed in a little bit with the "If your boyfriend is crazy, you're going to die." idea from Donald Glover. Crazy Stories - Video Clip | Comedy Central


----------



## sniperfreak223

well...I'm finally in a happy relationship again. We'll be together three months on Monday...and I refuse to admit where I met this lovely lady on here...y'all can figure it out yourselves


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

sniperfreak223 said:


> well...I'm finally in a happy relationship again. We'll be together three months on Monday...and I refuse to admit where I met this lovely lady on here...y'all can figure it out yourselves


Walmart?... 0.o

...or the Internet?


----------



## Gothic Headhunter

asher said:


> As much as I disparage wide generalizations: women are crazy and men are stupid
> 
> 
> (though they often look similar!)
> 
> (this post: not entirely serious)



One of the reasons women are crazy is that men are stupid, and one of the things men are smart about is that WOMEN ARE FVCKING CRAZY!


----------



## Riffer

OK so I'm going to try and finish up my story in this post. If you missed the first part, go back a page and read part 1 and come back here afterwards.

and we continue...............

So I call Sam and she is hysterical crying saying that she ran off the road and blew a tire and she doesn't know what to do. I ask where she is she tells me not to come help her. I say that's bullshit im your boyfriend I'm going to come help you. I told her to let me pack my car with my gear and I'll call her right back. I pack up and call her and she doesn't answer. I call her another time and still no answer. I call a 3rd time and it goes straight to voice mail. Call her a 4th time and she answers. Shes not crying or anything and just goes "Hey". I ask her again what's going on and she says "Can I call you back". I say yeah but I'm like WTF is going on. She calls me back and I ask if shes still Ok and she says yeah shes driving home. Just a few phone calls ago she said she was stranded with a blown tire and now shes driving home? I ask how and she tells me her friend came and put a donut on for her. OK cool. She starts getting upset on the phone that she blew a tire and her car is messed up and she still has a 30 minute drive until shes home. I tell her at least shes OK and to text me when she gets home.

As soon as I get off the phone with her I get a text from her.

Sam: I can't do this anymore
Me: Do what? Music?

She says that shes stressed out about her job, playing gigs, finances, making time to see me, and living at home with her parents. I tell her that yeah it can stressful and that maybe she should take a break from gigging because the stress can have an effect on your health. She texts back.

Sam: Ya, sure

So I get home and still no text from her. I wake up the next morning and still no text from her. I go to work and I'm pretty tired so I buy an energy drink and take a picture of it and post it on Facebook saying something like "Way too tired today". About 20 minutes later I get a text.........(Now I'm going to post the screenshots of our whole convo so bare with me please)

































































Yeah that happened. So as you can see by the last text she showed up at my gig and wanted to talk. Ok I go over to talk. As soon as I open my mouth shes got an attitude. She says "so that's it? We're done?" I tell her yeah I just can't deal with her being jealous of every girl and her trust issues. She just keeps saying the word "really" in a rude way. I finally just say yeah really and walk away. I go into the bar where I'm playing to get a drink and I turn around and shes there balling her eyes out saying that I hate her and why would I ruin everything. I tell her I don't hate her and that it's just not going to work out in the long run and that we just aren't good together. She keeps saying that's not true and that we are perfect and then she just instantly stops crying and goes "You're right. You're soooooooo awesome just go be awesome." I'm pretty baffled at this point and try and walk away and say goodbye. She then turns the water works back on saying "no no no lets talk please please." This goes on for about 5-7 minutes and I have to go back up for another set of music so I tell her I have to go and walk away.


----------



## Riffer

She stays at the gig for the whole 4 hours. Mind you she drove over and hour and 20 minutes to come there. I get done and pack up and I can see her all the way at the other end of the place just staring at me and my other singer. I load my car and go out the back do and start driving home. 
MORE TEXT SCREEN SHOTS!!!








She calls me and shes, AGAIN, balling saying she loves me and that I shouldn't ruin everything we had (we were dating for 1 MONTH!!!!!). I'm keeping my calm while she begs and begs and then again turns into a passive aggressive mood and calls me "awesome" and tells me I should just go be awesome. I finally have had it and tell her this is why I don't want to do this and hang up on her and stop answering her phone calls.

I get home and I'm hanging out with my brother and my friend Alexis outside in our side yard sitting on our picnic table. We look up and Sams car come around the house and she sees us outside and just floors it and takes off. She was trying to be a creep and didn't think we would be sitting outside and she sped off once she got caught. My brother, Alexis, and I go back inside and then 5 minutes later I look out my front window of my house and Sam is parked in front of my house just sitting in her car. 
MORE TEXT SCREENSHOTS!!
































That's all from Saturday night. She came to my door and I told her to leave and she was just crying and tried to come in the door after I told her to leave numerous times. I actually snuck out of my own house and went down to the bar with my brother and Alexis. Sam sat in front of my house for 4 hours in her car. Then Sunday moring I wake up to more and more texts. We shall continue with the screenshots.

















This screen shot below is where she snet me a picture of the good witch from the Wizard of Oz and the text on the photo said "Don't make me drop a house on you....bitch"























So yeah. I haven't said a word to her since last Saturday night when she was at my house and I had to sneak out. And here's some more little info bits. She's 27. Also has told me that some of my friends are low class and she only associates with higher class people. Just thought I'd throw that in the mix as well. 

I have gone back and forth about whether I should try and talk to her again once shes calmed down and try to have a regular convo about it and at least have some type of closure, or just cut her off like I've been doing and let her go about her life and hope she doesn't try and contact me again. Some of my friends say just cut her off shes a total nut job. While others say maybe just give it some time.

Now my questions are.

1) What do you guys think of this situation?
2) What would you do?
3) She's crazy, right?
4) Was I wrong or right?

If you guys would be so kind as to read all of my shitty story and give me some opinions I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm exhausted from typing everything


----------



## piggins411

Dude... Holy fvck... I usually give people the benefit of a doubt, but she's fvcking crazy. You tried to explain things, she acted like a child and didn't listen. You did all you could IMO. Also, if you get a date soon, don't post it on FB because her head might actually explode


----------



## Noxon

Riffer said:


> Long story part two...



Yeah, dude. She may not be actually crazy, but it does sound like she has some issues. I would have done the same thing. Run for the hills, man. This is the kind of shit that escalates into restraining orders and murdered pets. I am sure it probably sucks, but cut her off and run for your life.


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Dat Bitch is cray cray

Soz for talking bout yah bitch like that...




In all seriousness dude, id be running a mile if i was you


----------



## sniperfreak223

Emperor Guillotine said:


> ...or the Internet?



Yes...a deep, dark, soft and fluffy corner of the internet


----------



## DredFul

1) I think someone has daddy-issues.
2) If she doesn't stop I would seriously consider restraining order or whatever it is called. Or something similar. You shouldn't have to put up with that kind of shit.
3) I bet.
4) Sorry, I don't understand what you mean with this

But what do I know about life?

I guess you could try talking to her one more time if you dare. But I don't think it would solve anything.

She might also be playing games in my opinion. First being pissed and offensive and then acting hurt right after 

I'm not the best person to give advice but just wanted to share my thoughts.


Good luck man.


----------



## DredFul

(Disregard)


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Sounds unstable. I think you did the right thing, just keeping your distance. I'd normally say wait til shit cools down a little and talk to her, but I don't know man. I've never personally dealt with anyone who got so bent out of shape like that. I'd probably just stay away, even if it'd be nice to get a little closure. I just don't see how talking to her would be a good idea.


----------



## flint757

Yeah, once things cooled down if you talked to her again the stalking would likely start all over again, if it ever stops to begin with. A restraining order needs to happen if it doesn't though. I've never dealt with someone that hung up before. I've had girlfriends who kept trying to get back with me, but it was pretty passive stuff and didn't ever reach into the realms of stalking.


----------



## Riffer

DredFul said:


> 4) Sorry, I don't understand what you mean with this


 
I guess what I mean is am I an asshole for not responding and giving her the silent treatment the whole time basically? After she showed up at my house I was having bad anxiety because I was freaked out to tell you guys the truth. I felt a lot of nervousness and anxiety because of the way she was acting and the situation. I was also afraid she was going to hurt herself or hurt me physically just because she was being so over the top with everything. It's like she just snapped and couldn't take it.

Thanks for all the replies. It is actually helping me think about all this.


----------



## DredFul

Riffer said:


> I guess what I mean is am I an asshole for not responding and giving her the silent treatment the whole time basically?



I don't see what else you could have done. She clearly wasn't listening.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Girl's off her rocker. I'm gonna be honest, I skimmed through that shit. I read most of the first text Screenshots, but it just got bad and redundant after a while. It's very clear that she's some form of unhinged, and I feel bad for her. The two options I see are not waiting for her to cool down and having a chat, and just abandon ship like you've been doing. Communication is great and all, and it's always good to leave relationships with closure, but I honestly can't see your talking it out (and I do mean parting ways afterwards, this girl has no business in your life as far as I can see) having any sway in her decision. 

I feel for you, dude. I've never had anyone quite so crazy in my life, and nobody should have to sneak out of their own home. I still feel bad for her, but god damn it is she nuts. She needs to have a sit down with someone who can sort her shit out. I mean, she sounds like she needs professional help.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

You know when you meet someone and you just know? Well, it happened to me very recently. I was at an art gallery opening/magazine launch where my friend was displaying her work. At some point in the night, I noticed her talking to this ridiculously hot girl and made a point of mentioning it to her, and so she graciously introduced me to her later on in the night. The attraction was obvious from the get-go, as we have many of the same interests - we're both photographers, tattoo collectors, have the same weird tastes in music (hardcore, grind, hip-hop, post-rock, folk, grew up loving Deftones and Tool, etc...) and also both mentioned we'd noticed each other from the beginning of the night. From there, we spent pretty much the entire week together, including a day trip to the lake and some urban exploration. It was pretty much the best way I could have possibly spent the week. But the catch - I was in Guatemala, and now I'm not. 

We've been texting the last couple of days since I've been back home, and goddamn this shit is bittersweet. I know I don't want to do long-distance cuz I know I'd be bad at it, but I also know that every girl I meet at home is going to fall short, if she's the point of reference for where my standard's at. We already have plans to see each other in November (either in NYC where she has a modelling gig booked, or here in Montreal if that falls through). In the meantime, I'm not sure what I'm going to do, as before I left, I had a casual thing with a couple of girls here. I don't know how I'm going to deal with that since they were really nice and simple before, but I'm not sure how I'll feel about it now that I've got someone on my mind who I really have feelings for (although no commitment to). I guess I'll just have to play it by ear, but that sort of shit is always more difficult when feelings are involved... Just had to get some thoughts/feels out there.


----------



## Riffer

She just called me again and left a voicemail. She's at a gig down the street and her guitar broke and she wants to borrow mine. What to do!?!?!


----------



## Gothic Headhunter

Don't respond, dude. You really don't even know if she's telling the truth about that, it could be a set up just so she can talk to you.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Gothic Headhunter said:


> Don't respond, dude. You really don't even know if she's telling the truth about that, it could be a set up just so she can talk to you.



 she seems that kind of crazy.


----------



## Riffer

Gothic Headhunter said:


> Don't respond, dude. You really don't even know if she's telling the truth about that, it could be a set up just so she can talk to you.



Well it's obviously going to end up that she wants to talk as well. Even if she's telling the truth about her guitar being broke. When she gives the guitar back she's going to want to discuss things. But really there isn't anything to talk about. I tried telling her everything like an adult and she went completely bonkers.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Haven't seen girl I was seeing in weeks, her grandpa died and we haven't talked for more than 5 minutes in the last week. Kinda sucks


So I'm drunk right now 
Doing that thing you do when you're drunk and you text everyone.

We're not exclusive or anything. Just weird. Like I care about her but she says she doesn't want any space but she never answers my texts or anything for the last week or so


----------



## Kidneythief

(Sorry long post, I'm sitting here bored at work  )

So it has been 3 months since the break-up. And almost 2 months that I last seen her in person, or even talked to her. Blocked her everywhere I could, deleted phone number so I don't do anything stupid.
The "time heals all wounds" is working slowly it's magic, although not as fast as I was hoping for.

I realized some things;
-We should never have dated seriously, or moved in together. She is a University student, who all her life was restrained by her parents, or circumstances/ex-boyfriends. And then suddenly meets me, moves together with me, who doesn't hold her like a slave, and lets her go to parties even when I can't go because I have to work.

-She is a student...studying...apart that she doesn't have much obligations. And she doesn't understand what it's like to work a full-time job. To get tired, and irritated because all the stuff you have to deal with at work (I work in IT, with a very stressful customer...in shifts...even weekends...even nights...sometimes 6 days straight)

- Hell I know I made some mistakes on my end. I'm not completely clean. I always worried too much about money. But I took her in, lived together with her, I payed everything. Her parents never sent her any money to support her (okay except for Christmas), even though her father told me, that he will...

I'm almost over the breaking-up thing.

What I still can't get over is that she most likely cheated on me prior to the break-up. And the way she behaved after the breaking up. 
How we were still living together -in separate rooms though-, and took her 2 days to bring up this guy (who she later started dating, and I have the feeling she cheated with him). And she also took him up to the room on the day we would have been 1 year 1 months.

I just don't understand what the hell did I do so wrong, that she played out these revenges against me?

In a month or so University classes are starting again. I wonder what will happen if I meet her. Because it will happen, because she lives quite near me...I'm really hoping that I can treat that situation -if it happens- like an adult.

"Fun-Fact"; about a month ago while going home from work I noticed something familiar in the bushes near the flat I'm renting (where we were living together off-course). It was some of her stuff; clothes, books, little things. I had to walk by that pile every day for 3 weeks straight, then finally garbage men came and picked it up...


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Riffer: 
I couldn't make it through all those screenshots. Too much, man. Way too much for this thread even.
Red flags all around.
Furthermore, she sounds a bit bi-polar or emotionally unstable (like my latest ex) which can cause her to act like that and flip back and forth between being spiteful and then pathetically overbearing.
My advice, get out. Find someone better. She did says one thing though that I was able to decipher through the atrocious text language: "I'm the type of person who'd do nothing for the person I'm with." ($5 to anyone on this thread who can find that quote in the endless screenshots.)

Ditch her and either:
1.) enjoy being single and ready to mingle
2.) enjoy being with another woman who'll appreciate you better and not act like a spoiled child with emotional issues


----------



## groverj3

So, I guess I'm going to say something to the girl that I've been interested in. I'm pretty bad at hiding it anyway, and she doesn't seem weirded out by me talking to her more than normal. I'm not talking about a "let's be together" kind of "say something," more along the lines of "Hey, I've really enjoyed spending time with you recently, think we have a lot in common, let's do (insert dinner/movie, other date-like thing here) this weekend." I figure that the worst that could happen is a "Sorry, I'm not interested in you like that" followed by awkward avoidance for a while.

I think I have a lot going for me here:
1. We're both atheists and have a pretty similar worldview when it comes to politics and whatnot (we met at this club for atheists/agnostics/secular people at the university).
2. She's a musician, plays cello and guitar. Some different tastes in music than me but I'd rather not date a female clone of myself.
3. We're both into nerdy stuff like science fiction movies, books, tv shows, etc.
4. Not that it matters, but our birthday is the same. Just kind of cool.

What's working against me
1. She runs that club I mentioned. I could see her not wanting to be involved with a member.
2. I'm a grad student here, only three years older than her, but the grad student status sometimes makes me kind of an "old man." 
3. Completely different fields of study. I don't consider this a negative but she might.

Eh, what the hell. What's the worst that can happen? I just have to find a good time and place to speak up. In all honesty it's been four years since I was last in a relationship and my self-confidence is pretty low when it comes to situations like this due to four years of not being able to convince anyone to go on a single date. Clearly my approach is wrong in some way, but I am what I am. You never know if you don't try, I guess!


----------



## groverj3

Riffer:

That's insane. I've never dealt with crazy on that level. It makes me wonder if she has had some really bad experiences in the past. Definitely let things cool off for a while before you talk any more with her, if you even plan to at all.


----------



## Riffer

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Riffer:
> I couldn't make it through all those screenshots. Too much, man. Way too much for this thread even.
> 
> She did says one thing though that I was able to decipher through the atrocious text language: "I'm the type of person who'd do nothing for the person I'm with." ($5 to anyone on this thread who can find that quote in the endless screenshots.)



Sorry for all the screenshots. I just wanted to convey the type of craziness that I had to deal with and I figured showing you guys all the texts she sent over a weekend would accurately portray that.

Also I think she meant "I'm the type of person that would do ANYTHING for the person I'm with." She spelled it "nething" which I believe means "anything"

Also I forgot to mention I had 42 missed called from her over a weekend. 42!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Taylor

groverj3 said:


> You never know if you don't try, I guess!



Go for it!


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Riffer said:


> Also I forgot to mention I had 42 missed called from her over a weekend. 42!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Dude.


----------



## flint757

(´&#12539;&#969;&#12539;`)


----------



## Riffer

Jesus Christ.....so she texts me AGAIN this morning after I didn't respond to her last night about her wanting to borrow my guitar for her gig

Her text: "It amazes me that someone I thought was my friend could so easily disregard me. I would never ignore you or deny you help. You mean too much to me. But clearly I meant nothing to you."

Wow, she is delusional.


----------



## MikeH

Ya'll got problems. I love my girl. We've never had these kinds of fights. Sure, I've slept on the couch once or twice for being an asshole when I was drunk&#8230;..like two nights ago. BUT THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT!


----------



## flint757

Riffer said:


> Jesus Christ.....so she texts me AGAIN this morning after I didn't respond to her last night about her wanting to borrow my guitar for her gig
> 
> Her text: "It amazes me that someone I thought was my friend could so easily disregard me. I would never ignore you or deny you help. You mean too much to me. But clearly I meant nothing to you."
> 
> Wow, she is delusional.



If you feel like saying something about it you can just say something to the effect that she is basically making it impossible for y'all to just be friends and that she's taking every opportunity to basically corner you.....


Or just keep ignoring her. 

Either way.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Riffer said:


> Jesus Christ.....so she texts me AGAIN this morning after I didn't respond to her last night about her wanting to borrow my guitar for her gig
> 
> Her text: "It amazes me that someone I thought was my friend could so easily disregard me. I would never ignore you or deny you help. You mean too much to me. But clearly I meant nothing to you."
> 
> Wow, she is delusional.


Do not talk to her. You are feeding the beast if you do and she will continue on with this behavior because she'll see it as a "crack in the wall" that she is trying to break through. I'm warning you as a bro...do NOT talk to her. Call or email your service provider and have her number blocked. You can do it permanently (although I don't suspect you will) or you can do it temporarily until you feel enough time has passed for the over-bubbling of delusion to settle down and the senorita realizes that she has been acting literally like a crazy person.



flint757 said:


> If you feel like saying something about it you can just say something to the effect that she is basically making it impossible for y'all to just be friends and that she's taking every opportunity to basically corner you.....


This. ^ Yep...if you say anything she'll seize the opportunity to corner you and you'll keep provoking her behavior. Like I said, she'll see it as a "crack in the wall" that she is trying to break through.

Or you can...


flint757 said:


> just keep ignoring her.


...do this ^



flint757 said:


> Either way.


----------



## ngrungebb91

Riffer said:


> Sorry for all the screenshots. I just wanted to convey the type of craziness that I had to deal with and I figured showing you guys all the texts she sent over a weekend would accurately portray that.
> 
> Also I think she meant "I'm the type of person that would do ANYTHING for the person I'm with." She spelled it "nething" which I believe means "anything"
> 
> Also I forgot to mention I had 42 missed called from her over a weekend. 42!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Dear Riffer: I am so sorry. As others have mentioned.. I would just completely lose contact with her. You are a good person for trying to do it the civil way. For the amount of time you guys were said you were together and she said she "loves" you, I doubt shes found real love. She needs to fix herself before she goes into a relationship.. I'm just a poor lonely 20 year old and I see so many things wrong with her. She's literally acting like a teenage girl. Just don't speak so she realizes, its over and she has to let it go.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

ngrungebb91 said:


> I'm just a poor lonely 20 year old and I see so many things wrong with her.


This makes two of us. *fist bump*


----------



## axxessdenied

Riffer said:


> Jesus Christ.....so she texts me AGAIN this morning after I didn't respond to her last night about her wanting to borrow my guitar for her gig
> 
> Her text: "It amazes me that someone I thought was my friend could so easily disregard me. I would never ignore you or deny you help. You mean too much to me. But clearly I meant nothing to you."
> 
> Wow, she is delusional.


Change your number.


----------



## Explorer

Obsidian Soul said:


> she was secretly smashing one of the guys.



Dude... RUN!







Here's the thing: If your feelings about her are deeper, then hopefully those feelings still exist when faced with the realities about her, not some idealized version you're imagining.

If she *is* the town bicycle, with everyone getting a ride, but you want something more than that ride... you might be the first one to treat her with respect, and to get something from her which she hasn't given someone else. There's more to intimacy than just fvcking. 

And if you can't stand that the reality falls short of what your ideal woman is, then don't pursue this. Or, if you just want to get a ride, then be clear that's what you're doing... which kind of takes the wind out of your sails as to not like that behavior in her if you're doing the same thing. Tricky, holding someone to an ideal if you're not measuring up yourself. 

Just a thought. 

----

@Riffer - 

I'm going to be the minority opinion on this.

You can disregard this, but I like to treat women like campgrounds, a little better than how I found them. 

I'd be tempted to talk seriously with her about the behavior which caused the problem... and to encourage her to get into some kind of therapy. 

Make it clear that you're only interested in friendship with her, but even that is contingent on her moving forward with the therapy thing, and you seeing that she's working on stuff. 

If she doesn't want to go that route, then she will know that it was her choice to not go in that direction. 

I'm not arguing that you *should* do that, since you've already made yourself clear. Her not getting the message is on her, not you. But, if you wanted to go beyond that and help, this would be a great place to do it.

I've done this twice. Both actually followed through, and feel very deeply (but not in a romantic way) about me. I'm apparently the most decent guy either has met, and that raises the bar for those guys who hit on them. That also helps reinforce their own self esteem, as they don't just toss their charms at someone because it gets them a bit of attention. Instead, they take being treated with respect as normal.

Whatever you choose to do, good luck!

----

@groverj3 - 

"You know what? You're smart and funny, and you strike me as very worthwhile knowing.I'd love to talk to you in a different context. What do you like to do outside of here?"

I don't think any of this requires a stretch on your part. You also aren't asking her directly to do something, which might lead to a negative, but instead are already moving towards affirmation. 

Regardless of whether you guys get out or not, I'd love to hear how the conversation went!

One more thing... a lot of times folks think, if only I had started the conversation differently, then that person would have seen something in me that would have moved things forward!

Don't get hung up on that. If there's that spark, it will happen. You can't predict, you can only try. 

Good luck!


----------



## groverj3

So much Yoda-like wisdom here, and so many cautionary tales!


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Explorer said:


> Dude... RUN!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Here's the thing: If your feelings about her are deeper, then hopefully those feelings still exist when faced with the realities about her, not some idealized version you're imagining.
> 
> If she *is* the town bicycle, with everyone getting a ride, but you want something more than that ride... you might be the first one to treat her with respect, and to get something from her which she hasn't given someone else. There's more to intimacy than just fvcking.
> 
> And if you can't stand that the reality falls short of what your ideal woman is, then don't pursue this. Or, if you just want to get a ride, then be clear that's what you're doing... which kind of takes the wind out of your sails as to not like that behavior in her if you're doing the same thing. Tricky, holding someone to an ideal if you're not measuring up yourself.
> 
> Just a thought.
> 
> ----


Thank you for responding to my post with a sense of wisdom.Everybody else was just advising me to go after her like I had no common sense.I am a shy introvert,and I have been trying to be more sociable so that I won't come off as socially awkward.I have had moderate success,but I still come off as socially awkward maybe even more so than before.I just want to stop being sociable because it's not me but to get back on topic...

I'm not sure if you were thinking I was talking about the female that I'm trying to get with now,but that statement was directed towards a different female of the past.I don't know if she's banging anybody,but my past experience with a similar situation tells me it's a possibility.The main reason I stopped in my tracks with that girl awhile back(about a year ago) is because she was smashing an acquaintance of mine.

And as I will signify again to the populace here,if I could just go after her,I probably wouldn't be here,and instead,I probably would be with a female of my desire.But...such is the life of a socially anxious loner...


----------



## Konfyouzd

flint757 said:


> If you feel like saying something about it you can just say something to the effect that she is basically making it impossible for y'all to just be friends and that she's taking every opportunity to basically corner you.....
> 
> 
> Or just keep ignoring her.
> 
> Either way.



Ignore... 

And apparently I'm not allowed to rep Explorer for that post...


----------



## Riffer

Again, thanks for all the replies regarding my situation. It sucks because I really liked hanging out with her when we were just friends. We had soooo much fun. Then we started being a couple and it was good too but then her jealousy stuff came out and then she just went on that psycho text/stalker rampage at the end. I really do believe she is sorry like she says she is but her actions have left me feeling like it would be impossible for us to go back to being friends after this which, to me, is the worst part. 

If she would've just chilled out and had a regular discussion this all would've been different. I can deal with losing a girlfriend but I'm more upset that I lost a good friend 

P.S. - She texted me on my way to work saying "Tom, I really miss you. Can you please talk to me." It's texts like that that make me sad and want to reach out but I can't tell if its just a trap or if shes finally calmed down or what. Especially when mostly everyone I talk to tells me I should keep doing what I'm doing.

- Tom


----------



## UnderTheSign

Tell her you'll talk to her if she calms down for a while first.


----------



## no_dice

Holy shit, Riffer, I feel for you, dude. I've dealt with girls like that before, and if you have the slightest bit of humanity, you always feel somewhat bad for them when they get all sad and sappy with you, even though you know they're nuts and you need to stay far away.

It sucks that she was a good friend before, but in my opinion, you definitely need to keep your distance until she's had time to process everything and calm down. Only, there's no telling how long she may need until you can be around her again without shit getting weird.


----------



## Riffer

Explorer said:


> ----
> 
> @Riffer -
> 
> I'm going to be the minority opinion on this.
> 
> You can disregard this, but I like to treat women like campgrounds, a little better than how I found them.
> 
> I'd be tempted to talk seriously with her about the behavior which caused the problem... and to encourage her to get into some kind of therapy.
> 
> Make it clear that you're only interested in friendship with her, but even that is contingent on her moving forward with the therapy thing, and you seeing that she's working on stuff.
> 
> If she doesn't want to go that route, then she will know that it was her choice to not go in that direction.
> 
> I'm not arguing that you *should* do that, since you've already made yourself clear. Her not getting the message is on her, not you. But, if you wanted to go beyond that and help, this would be a great place to do it.
> 
> I've done this twice. Both actually followed through, and feel very deeply (but not in a romantic way) about me. I'm apparently the most decent guy either has met, and that raises the bar for those guys who hit on them. That also helps reinforce their own self esteem, as they don't just toss their charms at someone because it gets them a bit of attention. Instead, they take being treated with respect as normal.
> 
> Whatever you choose to do, good luck!



I've thought about this a lot. It feels good to know that someone cares for you and misses you. When she texts me that stuff about missing me it hurts because I do miss the awesome times we had when we were friends. I've just never had to deal with this type of behavior. My brain and my friends say cut her off like I've been doing but a little bit of my heart and a few people here and there tell me to maybe let things die down then approach her to discuss her behavior.


----------



## asher

I definitely understand, but she has to be willing to engage it and buy in, and even if that's possible (I am skeptical, or at least of you being able to get it to work for her) she probably needs some cooling off to be a little more receptive.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Everyone's dating crazies lately... 

How old is this woman?

It seems to me that after a certain age, no matter how negatively their behavior affects relationships some women are just convinced that it's the entire rest of the world that needs fixing and there's just no compromising with them.

I don't know if that's riffer's case, but the string of texts seems to suggest that at least for the time being, homegirl has her mind made up as to how she feels about everything. Keeping your distance for a while might realistically be the best course of action as has been suggested already.

You both need time to jus not see or think about each other for a while. 

That young chick I was sleeping with before I started seeing my most recent ex has been coming around again. I'm pretty sure I mentioned the whole leaving notes on my car thing. Well lately she has been calling a lot and telling me how she wants to see me before she leaves for school.

I made the mistake of asking her if she knew anyone that would be able to help me with a problem I was having yesterday to which she replied, "Call me." I should not have called her.

Not only did the phone call have NOTHING to do with what I asked, she wasn't in a position to help even if it did. She was at the beach. Then she decided to change the subject immediately:

"I don't think it really needs to go there, but I'm gonna do it anyway. I really like you and I wouldn't have gone all crazy on you when you told me that you just wanted to be friends if I weren't going to school soon. Also, if I weren't going to school soon, I would very much want to date you. I *am* going to be back in December, though. But don't wait up for me or anything."

I wasn't planning on it... 

The crazy part is that if I actually liked her, her psycho clinginess would be kind of cute in a "At least she likes me and is open about her feelings," kind of way. But the fact that I've already expressed an extreme lack of interest and she shows no signs of discouragement kind of bothers me. Solution? I'm gonna ignore the hell out of her.

Why, though, is it not possible to find someone I actually like that cares this damn much?


----------



## Riffer

Konfyouzd said:


> Everyone's dating crazies lately...
> 
> How old is this woman?
> 
> It seems to me that after a certain age, no matter how negatively their behavior affects relationships some women are just convinced that it's the entire rest of the world that needs fixing and there's just no compromising with them.
> 
> I don't know if that's riffer's case, but the string of texts seems to suggest that at least for the time being, homegirl has her mind made up as to how she feels about everything. Keeping your distance for a while might realistically be the best course of action as has been suggested already.
> 
> You both need time to jus not see or think about each other for a while.



She's 27 (she'll be 28 in November)

She was saying in the first big round of text that she ....ed up and made a mistake and she was pushing me away with her trust issues by asking me who every girl I knew was after I told her to chill out. She seemed like she knew she was wrong for doing what she did. But then she'd turn around in a few texts and say that I'm wrong for ignoring her and that if I cared about her I'd talk to her. I definitely think we need time to not see each other but I'm not sure how long that should be. Also I'm not even sure if I should just never talk to her again or try some form of comunication when the time is right. Ugh, why did she have to go crazy like that!!!!!!


----------



## Gothic Headhunter

Bro, don't waste your time with her. Axxessdenied gave the best advice so far in the thread- change your number. She will only bring you down. You can do better, I'm sure. Hang in there


----------



## Konfyouzd

As shitty as it may seem, a lesson learned is a lesson learned. That's what I had to chalk my most recent relationship up to. She was doing similar things... Pushing me away based on what I can only assume were trust issues. Our problems didn't manifest themselves in the same way, but it was more or less the same deal. 

And we would discuss it, which would essentially devolve into her saying things like, "You're right but <bullshit excuse>..." And she would say things that suggested she "might" try to work on it, but there was no real hope of anything changing. Some people just are the way they are. And they may genuinely want to have you in their life, but the way they are wears on you in such way that you just can't take it despite any residual feelings you may harbor for them.

It sucks but sometimes you just gotta let people go. And sometimes letting that person go is what's actually needed for them to properly heal. It's like Explorer said, with any hope she'll take something from this as well and grow a bit as a person. 

I don't think there's any set amount of time that people need to be apart from each other. Maybe just long enough that when you think about that person you can genuinely smile again. Maybe you just gotta wait until fate randomly brings you together again. I certainly wouldn't seek her out again on my own, though. That's just how I would handle it, though.


----------



## goherpsNderp

Konfyouzd said:


> And we would discuss it, which would essentially *devolve into her saying things like, "You're right but <bullshit excuse>..." And she would say things that suggested she "might" try to work on it, but there was no real hope of anything changing.* Some people just are the way they are. And they may genuinely want to have you in their life, but the way they are wears on you in such way that you just can't take it despite any residual feelings you may harbor for them.



yeah, that right there means she doesn't care about the logic, she simply doesn't want to make things work. and she's trying to somehow put it to words in the form of an excuse, not realizing that it makes zero sense and that we can see through it. you're right in just letting it go. i've never been able to do that so easily and it's caused some relationships to drag on a bit longer than they needed to. i even had one of these (like you described above) try and guilt me when i broke things off as if we had some sort of chance to work things out- even though she clearly didn't want them to.

i think some people don't know what they want, but they do know that they're comforted in the company of a specific person. that "comfort" might include sex, kissing, or just sleeping in the same bed with the person and nothing else. those sorts of people can be dangerous though if they don't openly disclose how they're feeling about things, because they can lead gullible dudes like me on for a while before things end up turning out how i described above.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Yea there was a slight guilt trip the first time I tried to break it off... 

"Well if that's what *you* wanna do..."

Mmkay. Bye bye... Time and energy saved is time and energy earned. Being happy seems to take less effort.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I wanna date a musician chick that's doing her own thing rather than trying to get all up in my koolaid and make my already lame songs more lame... 

I dated a singer and all she ever talked about was wanting to sing on my instrumental album... Bitch you better get an acoustic guitar and learn 4 chords.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Alright guys, time to get back into the game for me.

There is a cute young woman that works in the same store facility as I do. (We aren't co-workers because she works for the store and I'm an independently contracted agent who just works within the store.)

And I really want to talk to her. Cracked a joke today and got a laugh and a smile from her, but she was rushing to get back to work and I never was able to say "hi" or introduce myself. So as of today, she now knows that I exist.

It's been awhile since I've done this. So...how do I go about saying "hi" or initiating conversation face-to-face with this young lady? Tips? Pointers?


----------



## asher

"Hi" 

Generally followed by what's up, how's it going, asking questions and being engaged (if you have to force it, bad sign) and making more jokes.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

asher said:


> Generally followed by what's up, how's it going, asking questions and being engaged (if you have to force it, bad sign) and making more jokes.


Never had a problem with that. I've always been able to just keep the conversation flowing which has gotten me in good with many women. (In fact, I now realize that I have had more female friends than male friends in the past few years. 0.o)

Since we are talking about relationships, let us remember something guys: it is not cool to be uber-dominating in your relationship and beat the living shit out of your woman. Don't want her to end up like Christy Mack. (Feel sorry for the poor pretty girl.)


----------



## Explorer

Konfyouzd said:


> I(A)pparently I'm not allowed to rep Explorer for that post...



That's because he seldomly knows what he's talking about. 



Riffer said:


> She was saying in the first big round of text that she ....ed up and made a mistake and she was pushing me away with her trust issues by asking me who every girl I knew was after I told her to chill out. She seemed like she knew she was wrong for doing what she did.



First off, it says a lot about your character that you clearly still care about her well-being. Good on you, sir, and +1 to your rep for being a decent human being.

It would be my desire to encourage her to try to figure out why she does it, because that would make her happier in the long run. That's why I think you could encourage her to do the therapy, to see if she could salvage the friendship... but only after she showed, through actions like pursuing and staying in therapy, that she wanted to change that behavior. 

If you put that on the table, and she chooses to ignore it, then you can go back to not having contact with her. if she moves forward *and* works on stuff, then it could pay off in you having been the guy who was decent to her, and who helped her change so she could find a healthy relationship. 

Whichever path you choose, good luck, friend.

----

@ObsidianSoul - 

I know it can be hard to be social, but I encourage you to get out there. The more you expose yourself to folks, and the wider you make your experience base, the more you'll have as areas to connect with people just as friends.

And often it's through that kind of thing that you find potential partners. 

Anyway, you seem decent enough, so get out there! Good luck!


----------



## BuckarooBanzai

Man... I'm super late (almost 400 pages) to this party, but story time:

I got drunk at a bar with my parents on Saturday. Our waitress was hot. My mom was all like "ayo Mo Jiggity you should get on that." After a series of gin and tonics and a pair of Glenmorangies on the rocks I was like "f*ck it" and wrote "You're cute! Give me a call [phone number]" on the receipt.

Why haven't I gotten a call guys? What am I doing wrong? I thought you were supposed to passively hit on waitresses after getting intoxicated and receiving approval from your mother. I need some advice guys, the world is unfair.

...  I need to stick to beer.


----------



## asher




----------



## Chokey Chicken

> I thought you were supposed to passively hit on waitresses after getting intoxicated and receiving approval from your mother.



My day has been made. Thank you for that!


----------



## asher

That's like, siggable material right there.


----------



## BuckarooBanzai

I screwed up big time... what I SHOULD have written was "This time you got 'just the tip...' call me for the whole thing!"

That was clearly the problem.


----------



## asher

Yep. That's definitely it.


----------



## no_dice

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Since we are talking about relationships, let us remember something guys: it is not cool to be uber-dominating in your relationship and beat the living shit out of your woman. Don't want her to end up like Christy Mack. (Feel sorry for the poor pretty girl.)



Wow, that's a ....ed up situation.

HEADS UP to anyone browsing the forums at work, do NOT google Christy Mack. I had no idea she was a porn actress. Hopefully that doesn't get me in trouble.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Mo Jiggity said:


> I screwed up big time... what I SHOULD have written was "This time you got 'just the tip...' call me for the whole thing!"
> 
> That was clearly the problem.



I've done that before and the chick actually called. I think sometimes they're just not feelin' you... 

Also... Christy whothefvck?


----------



## cwhitey2

So there is this girl that comes to my work from time to time (she works for her dads repair company and she stops by maybe once every other week) and shes drop dead gorgeous. Like way out of my league and a bit older than me...but anyways anytime she stops by she always tells me how smart I am..or "your smart, you can fix this"....I got a hair cut, she went out of her way to tell me I looked good. We always chit chat (im not sure if cause im the customer or what..but in the past year i gave her leads that made her company $$,$$$...basically like insider trading without the stock market  )

Obviously I should ask her out...but my question is: Would it be unprofessional of me to ask her out?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Who cares? Get it...


----------



## no_dice

Konfyouzd said:


> Also... Christy whothefvck?



I guess she's a porn actress that was dating some MMA guy. They broke up and he went to her house and beat the shit out of her and a dude that was there with her.

EDIT: Also, as if the beating wasn't bad enough, the article I read said he forced her to get naked and take a shower in front of him first. The guy is obviously insane.


----------



## BuckarooBanzai

Konfyouzd said:


> I've done that before and the chick actually called. I think sometimes they're just not feelin' you...



I have a very specific look about me that's kinda polarizing when it comes to women... they're either REALLY into stocky, hairy dudes or really NOT into them - no in between. This girl certainly didn't look like she'd fall into the former category... shame, she was really polite and seemed considerably less self-involved than other attractive people around our age.


----------



## no_dice

I get a little annoyed when girls I know post pictures of receipts that dudes wrote their phone number on with some stupid caption about what a douche move it is.

It just further reinforces my belief that the determining factor between whether something is creepy or sweet is just if the girl is attracted to you or not.


----------



## BuckarooBanzai

no_dice said:


> I get a little annoyed when girls I know post pictures of receipts that dudes wrote their phone number on with some stupid caption about what a douche move it is.
> 
> It just further reinforces my belief that the determining factor between whether something is creepy or sweet is just if the girl is attracted to you or not.



This is certainly the case with some women. IMHO the receipt picture phenomenon boils down to a lack of self-esteem: "Hey, some dude gave me attention and I'm too good for it! Check out the power I wield, Internet!" Then again I've read too much creepy material and seen too many wholly awkward encounters with dudes who clearly can't read signals (or in general don't respect a woman's agency) to believe that this is actually true all of the time.

**EDIT: To clarify what I'm saying... it's akin to a man calling a woman a slut when they won't sleep with him - that is, totally paradoxical and propping up their own failing ego.


----------



## Steinmetzify

@Riffer: run dude. Run like the wind. One month is too soon for this level of crazy. You seem like a nice guy who cared about this woman, but enough is enough. Passive-aggressive games like this never end well. I've seen enough crazy to know. Best to stop it and don't feel bad about it. We're not here to fix broken people, especially if they don't care enough to fix themselves. 



Damn that was some crazy.


----------



## MFB

Mo Jiggity said:


> Man... I'm super late (almost 400 pages) to this party, but story time:
> 
> I got drunk at a bar with my parents on Saturday. Our waitress was hot. My mom was all like "ayo Mo Jiggity you should get on that." After a series of gin and tonics and a pair of Glenmorangies on the rocks I was like "f*ck it" and wrote "You're cute! Give me a call [phone number]" on the receipt.
> 
> Why haven't I gotten a call guys? What am I doing wrong? I thought you were supposed to passively hit on waitresses after getting intoxicated and receiving approval from your mother. I need some advice guys, the world is unfair.
> 
> ...  I need to stick to beer.



You need to watch this dude, since it can be your pick-up line


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

no_dice said:


> Wow, that's a ....ed up situation.
> 
> HEADS UP to anyone browsing the forums at work, do NOT google Christy Mack. I had no idea she was a porn actress. Hopefully that doesn't get me in trouble.


Lol, she is like my age and one of the most famous porn actresses out there. (Boy, doesn't that make me feel good and successful... -.-) Surprised you didn't know of her. But yeah, man, she kind of is like the "metal" chick of the porn industry (weird haircuts, tons of ink, some piercings, etc.) 

Shame this happened to her. The whole story (if true) is gut-wrenching. And the fact that the MMA fighter ex-boyfriend has a history of violence and assault with Christy, with other women, and even with people in the street...yeah...makes Christy's account all that more believable. You can't even recognize her in the pictures.


----------



## broj15

look at that shoulder tattoo .


----------



## MFB

Terrible decisions on both their parts with those tattoos


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Cute girl. Sad that she got so involved with such a piece of shit. I hope bad things happen to that man. It's sad when anyone gets involved with pieces of shit like that. Saw way too much of it in high school, and even when I was a waitress. Never quite as extreme as this guy, but still rough.


----------



## Explorer

Mo Jiggity said:


> My mom was all like "ayo Mo Jiggity you should get on that."



Awesome sig material. 

Don't take it too hard that you didn't get a call. If you're back in there, don't be drunk. Just be complementary without being creepy, and maybe she'll rethink the non-call. 

----

@cwhitey2 - 

If you do ask her out, definitely make it about how much you like talking with her, and how you want to get out and do exactly that outside of a work environment. She'll probably appreciate your reasons, compared to the normal come-ons she receives.


----------



## Gothic Headhunter

Chokey Chicken said:


> Cute girl. Sad that she got so involved with such a piece of shit. I hope bad things happen to that man. It's sad when anyone gets involved with pieces of shit like that. Saw way too much of it in high school, and even when I was a *waitress*. Never quite as extreme as this guy, but still rough.



Holy shit, you're a girl? I thought you were some Gandalf-esque relationship wizard that posted here to help us with all our feeble mortal problems.


----------



## asher

Chokey is a girl. She is _also_ a Gandalf-esque relationship wizard that posts here to help us with all our feeble mortal problems.


----------



## ghost_of_karelia

Stupid post is stupid, but I'm currently mid-way through a ballet (metal dude that dances ballet, weird as fvck right?) and I've kinda got a crush on this one girl. I keep catching her smiling at me and the other day I sat out injured due to shin splints and she went out of her way to position herself in front of me and continued smiling at me. I feel all weird and fuzzy inside.

For some background context I am a shit ugly dude whose best friend is like #1 hunk EU, so I'm used to being sidelined and generally helping other people with their relationships, so this is like completely new territory to me. I'm a bit of a curiosity in the ballet company, I'm a long haired dude with a ponytail that wears a bandana to keep my hair at bay, I'm generally quiet and I can jump ludicrously high but not much else, so I'm more of an oddity to people than a relationship goal.

Just reckoned I needed to vent my whirlwind of emotions somewhere before I explode in pink smoke and love heart emojis. Am thinking of asking the girl out at our tech on Thursday, or failing that just express my gratitude that she flashes her gorgeous smile at me rather than growling and/or sharpening nearby pitchforks like most of the rest of the girls.


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## asher

DO IT DO IT


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## Gothic Headhunter

asher said:


> Chokey is a girl. She is _also_ a Gandalf-esque relationship wizard that posts here to help us with all our feeble mortal problems.



But I always imagined Chokey as having an awesome goatee. Like, the goatee of knowledge. Now... it's just not the same, man


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## Chokey Chicken

jarvncaredoc said:


> Stupid post is stupid, but I'm currently mid-way through a ballet (metal dude that dances ballet, weird as fvck right?) and I've kinda got a crush on this one girl. I keep catching her smiling at me and the other day I sat out injured due to shin splints and she went out of her way to position herself in front of me and continued smiling at me. I feel all weird and fuzzy inside.
> 
> For some background context I am a shit ugly dude whose best friend is like #1 hunk EU, so I'm used to being sidelined and generally helping other people with their relationships, so this is like completely new territory to me. I'm a bit of a curiosity in the ballet company, I'm a long haired dude with a ponytail that wears a bandana to keep my hair at bay, I'm generally quiet and I can jump ludicrously high but not much else, so I'm more of an oddity to people than a relationship goal.
> 
> Just reckoned I needed to vent my whirlwind of emotions somewhere before I explode in pink smoke and love heart emojis. Am thinking of asking the girl out at our tech on Thursday, or failing that just express my gratitude that she flashes her gorgeous smile at me rather than growling and/or sharpening nearby pitchforks like most of the rest of the girls.



You'd be surprised at what some people are into. Doesn't matter how ugly you think you are, a lot of people (and you'd be surprised at just how many) aren't completely vain and will be more than willing to get into a relationship with someone who's "ugly." Chances are good that you also sell yourself insanely short, which honestly is preferable. Over confident folks tend to be the ones to avoid. 

Anyway! Just talk to her. Don't put her on the spot, and she likely won't make you feel like shit. Unless she's a rotten bitch, which you can consider that a bullet dodged if she turns you down! More times than not, people like to avoid confrontation, and they'll handle it civilly. I've seen many women politely turn down the sleaziest of ....s, so I don't think you have much to worry about.



> Holy shit, you're a girl?



Yes, and I'm bisexual as .... so even though I don't _have_ an all powerful goatee of knowledge I happen to find them sexy on the right guy. I like my women to be significantly less hairy, though.


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## icos211

So, you guys wanna know a turn of events? The girl from work and I are now officially an item. Last saturday, after we both went on vacations and texted and snap chatted all the way through it, many of such communications being her telling me how much she wished I was there with her, we went out to eat, ice skate, and then see the newest X-Men movie. She later confided in me that ice skating had always been her dream date. I gave her a necklace I had bought for her while in the mountains. It was a small Tiger's Eye pendant in the shape of a heart, which she took to instantly. When I explained the supposed supernatural protection properties of Tiger's Eye she almost swooned and has been wearing it constantly ever since. After that she finally allowed me to kiss her. Apparently she enjoyed it, because after talking a bit more she started kissing me and we ended up making out for the next three hours. There were no complaints when I put my hands up her skirt either.

So now I am back to college, and we are still texting constantly, though obviously it's only been a few days. She is always going on about how I treat her better than any other guy has ever treated her before. I'm just a bit worried about the distance. It's only 2 1/2 hours, but it's a new relationship and I have a lot of obligations here at school since I am an RA, and thus can't be going home every weekend. Nothing ever comes free, it seems.


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## Chokey Chicken

If it makes you feel better, my best friend is now engaged to (and living with) a girl that lived in California for the first couple years of their relationship. You guys can still talk, and 2 1/2 hours is definitely doable more frequently than 12 hour flights. So long as physical contact isn't the be all end all of your relationship, you'll do fine!


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## Obsidian Soul

Chokey Chicken said:


> Yes, and I'm bisexual as .... so even though I don't _have_ an all powerful goatee of knowledge I happen to find them sexy on the right guy. I like my women to be significantly less hairy, though.


The third female I have ever seen on SSrg.That's awesome


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## Emperor Guillotine

Chokey Chicken said:


> If it makes you feel better, my best friend is now engaged to (and living with) a girl that lived in California for the first couple years of their relationship. You guys can still talk, and 2 1/2 hours is definitely doable more frequently than 12 hour flights. So long as physical contact isn't the be all end all of your relationship, you'll do fine!


In my last relationship (the really bad one I posted about), I was with a girl in Cali (clear across the country - 12 hour flight) and it just was not working. Man, now I really feel like a failure since there are some people who are able to make it work.


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## Chokey Chicken

Emperor Guillotine said:


> In my last relationship (the really bad one I posted about), I was with a girl in Cali (clear across the country - 12 hour flight) and it just was not working. Man, now I really feel like a failure since there are some people who are able to make it work.



Different strokes for different folks. Long distance isn't easy, but it is doable if both people involved can live with the restrictions until it's no longer long distance. Some people NEED a physical aspect. Some people have a hard time trusting someone you physically can't be with. 

It's possible for it to work, but if it doesn't that doesn't mean either of you did anything wrong. Shit's just rough.


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## Explorer

icos211 said:


> I gave her a necklace I had bought for her while in the mountains.



Even at this point, I'm always surprised at how people appreciate small reminders that they've been in your thoughts. 

@Chokey Chicken - 

On one previous forum of which I was a member, we had several who were female, but who didn't come out to the whole forum because of how some members were... less than respectful. I knew because we had been PM-ing to chat about various ideas that had come up on the forum, and it came out in conversation.

I hadn't really thought about it one way or the other... but what I'm most happy about is that no one went Neandertal on this non-"revelation." *laugh*

Man, so many who were on what I consider to be the right side on the Vik and Orson Scott Card topics, and now a sensible reaction, pretty much nothing, over what is pretty much nothing... SS.org is definitely a great place to be!


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## sniperfreak223

Long distance can certainly work...as long as both parties are committed to it. My girlfriend lives five states away right now, but we just hit the three-month mark and are still very much in love...even though we've only seen each other once for a week in person. Skype is a wonderful thing.


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## Grand Moff Tim

Been single for about eleven years now. I guess being hilarious online doesn't always translate very well into finding women IRL. Go figure.

Trying to meet more people via becoming more active in the local music scene, though, and I recently bought pretty much an entire wardrobe that fits me better than the baggy hobo clothes I had been wearing for so long, so hopefully my luck will improve before too long.


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## Chokey Chicken

Explorer said:


> Even at this point, I'm always surprised at how people appreciate small reminders that they've been in your thoughts.
> 
> @Chokey Chicken -
> 
> On one previous forum of which I was a member, we had several who were female, but who didn't come out to the whole forum because of how some members were... less than respectful. I knew because we had been PM-ing to chat about various ideas that had come up on the forum, and it came out in conversation.
> 
> I hadn't really thought about it one way or the other... but what I'm most happy about is that no one went Neandertal on this non-"revelation." *laugh*
> 
> Man, so many who were on what I consider to be the right side on the Vik and Orson Scott Card topics, and now a sensible reaction, pretty much nothing, over what is pretty much nothing... SS.org is definitely a great place to be!



Not gonna lie, I typically keep it to myself for that exact reason. Same with my sexuality. I think the first time it even came up was when it was relevant, and that was in the Vik or whoever the fvck it was thread. The fact that that thread blew up the way it did made me feel pretty comfortable with being open. Still, this is probably the only site I'm on where I'm "out" about my gender. I usually let people assume I'm a man. So much so that I have one of my male friends release any music I make under his name on youtube just to avoid the sandwich, kitchen, and flirtatious jokes/harassment. I hate playing live shows too, and I've only ever played a couple. A lot of it is just uncomfortable flirting/over-praise, but I've had people cop a feel in large crowds, so now I just record stuff in my room. Makes me happy and I don't have to deal with the general public.


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## asher

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Been single for about eleven years now. I guess being hilarious online doesn't always translate very well into finding women IRL. Go figure.
> 
> Trying to meet more people via becoming more active in the local music scene, though, and I recently bought pretty much an entire wardrobe that fits me better than the baggy hobo clothes I had been wearing for so long, so hopefully my luck will improve before too long.



Move over, Grand Moff Tim.

Grand Stud Tim is here.


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## no_dice

Chokey Chicken said:


> I've had people cop a feel in large crowds, so now I just record stuff in my room.



That's fvcking terrible. I think anyone who thinks it's okay to molest someone under the cover of the crowd needs a few fingers broken. It's saddening to me that you hear about it so much these days.


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## Explorer

Chokey Chicken said:


> So much so that I have one of my male friends release any music I make under his name on youtube just to avoid the sandwich, kitchen, and flirtatious jokes/harassment. I hate playing live shows too, and I've only ever played a couple. A lot of it is just uncomfortable flirting/over-praise, but I've had people cop a feel in large crowds, so now I just record stuff in my room. Makes me happy and I don't have to deal with the general public.



I've been cyber-stalked twice in a seriously scary way (yes, crossing over into real life), so I'm totally paranoid about putting serious identifiers, including any music, on the internet. I completely understand the first part. 

I have to admit I never understood the grope thing if you're not involved with someone. If someone isn't into you, wouldn't that behavior just clarify in your own mind what a loser you are, that you had to go for it on someone you didn't even know because you couldn't get it together with someone you do know? 

Regarding playing out, I now occasionally let my self be persuaded to sit in , but only if they don't use my real name (extremely distinctive, as I'm the only one you can find when you do a search). I do like playing, but just can't take a chance on crazy coming to find me in yet another town after moving from the last one.

Even though that's not really about a consensual relationship, I hope that I've satisfied some small requirement in terms of posting something a little personal in the Love and Relationships Thread.  For what it's worth, the person I'm in a relationship with was very happy to get a gift when we went out last week. Apparently I was the only one who remembered an anniversary. 

And that's all the personal details you folks are going to get.


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## Chokey Chicken

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Been single for about eleven years now. I guess being hilarious online doesn't always translate very well into finding women IRL. Go figure.
> 
> Trying to meet more people via becoming more active in the local music scene, though, and I recently bought pretty much an entire wardrobe that fits me better than the baggy hobo clothes I had been wearing for so long, so hopefully my luck will improve before too long.



It doesn't help that society sort of stigmatizes females making the first move. I remember a joke in King of the Hill where It was mentioned that Peggy initially had to ask Hank out. The joke was that Hank didn't know how relationships work and that it was sort of "pathetic" and silly that the woman had to ask the man out. I think that's a bit silly and may in fact play into a lot of guy's lack of relationships if they are in fact looking. Best advice is to not be shy. I think I said it recently in this thread, but most people despise confrontation and the worst that'll happen is you'll be turned down politely. Just be accepting of it. If you're polite, at the very least you'll be seen as that one guy who WASN'T a creep that they had to turn down for whatever reason. Much better than being remembered as that sleazy shit who kept pressuring them into uncomfortable situations.


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## Chokey Chicken

Explorer said:


> I've been cyber-stalked twice in a seriously scary way (yes, crossing over into real life), so I'm totally paranoid about putting serious identifiers, including any music, on the internet. I completely understand the first part.
> 
> I have to admit I never understood the grope thing if you're not involved with someone. If someone isn't into you, wouldn't that behavior just clarify in your own mind what a loser you are, that you had to go for it on someone you didn't even know because you couldn't get it together with someone you do know?
> 
> Regarding playing out, I now occasionally let my self be persuaded to sit in , but only if they don't use my real name (extremely distinctive, as I'm the only one you can find when you do a search). I do like playing, but just can't take a chance on crazy coming to find me in yet another town after moving from the last one.
> 
> Even though that's not really about a consensual relationship, I hope that I've satisfied some small requirement in terms of posting something a little personal in the Love and Relationships Thread.  For what it's worth, the person I'm in a relationship with was very happy to get a gift when we went out last week. Apparently I was the only one who remembered an anniversary.
> 
> And that's all the personal details you folks are going to get.



It's insane, and it's another societal pressure for men to be sexually prominent. They'll probably go home and tell their friends how they grabbed some ass or boob, and their friends will congratulate them or some shit. 

It's all ....ed though. The world is a ....ed up place, and there are some really messed up people out there.


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## vilk

Tim, I don't understand how you can live in East Asia and want a girlfriend but not have one. Us white folk generally can get girls 2, even 3 levels above our own hotness based on race alone! And usually East Asian girls are wayyyy more into immediately becoming bf/gf than their Western counterparts who might tend to fear commitment (actually, this aspect I did not always appreciate).

I know I'm going out on a limb because I don't really know what you are like as a person irl... but I wouldn't be on point in saying that you're missing 100% of the shots that you're not taking... would I? I understand that there are some hurdles--girls your age are already married/ single girls are too young/ you can't drink or speak Korean (right?)
But let's look at what you have working for you! White-face, 'ladies-first' programming, travel opportunity... believe it or not there are (in my experience) a lot of people out there who are very interested in eventually living in the west--probably because they watch too many hollywood movies, but I digress.

Anyhow, if you don't take it too seriously and just put yourself out there I'd bet you'll have a girlfriend before the end of the month. Maybe you're just being picky? I will say this, however; In my experience, the music scene in East Asia (especially music that is in any way SSOish) is comprised of literally the least personable people I've ever met. 

Instead of that, you should try going to events and stuff at a community center/international center. A lot of the girls who go to stuff internationally/culturally inclined are probably there just to meet foreign dudes!


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## vilk

Speaking of Asian women

I've been talking to my ex in Japan. I don't know why. We talked when I first got back, and then we didn't talk for weeks and weeks and it was going well I was moving on (she apparently wasn't, but whatever)... then somehow or another she started calling me again and texting me again... and I've been answering and messaging back.

So, I'm kind of thinking about this a few different ways. 
1) I'm weak-willed, and I'm only responding to this girl because I myself am lonely having just moved to a new city where I don't know anyone, and it's wrong for me to do this because I am almost certainly leading her on, inadvertently of course. 
2) Actions speak louder than words. Actions speak louder than thoughts. Actions speak louder than feelings. If I'm responding to her, does that in effect mean that I still want to be with her? But wait, if I left her in Japan and came back here, didn't that mean I don't want to be with her? Or did it simply mean that I care more about where I am than who I'm with...


When you have someone who wants to be with you, and you know that you get along well, and you know that she is a good person... should you just give up on life and go with what you know? Because when I think about why I shouldn't be with her it quite literally boils down to sexual conquest. I just want to go .... other girls. All kinds of them. 
Is that a good reason not to be with someone who is probably good for you? 


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


All that aside, how do you draw the line between honesty and giving someone false hope? I'm an honest person, like almost 100% of the time. I feel weird telling a lie, especially if it's just about me or how I feel or what I think. I almost never do it unless I'm in serious shit. And I usually plan it out.
So like, if my ex tells me that she still loves me... and asks me if I still love her/care about her (We speak in Japanese so don't worry about English connotations/terminology)--what do I say? The answer is yes. I love her as much as I love anyone, I guess. For me love isn't the kind of tv/movie special floating fuzzy feeling; it's more of a general 'this person is important to me on an emotional level'. That's as far as it goes with me (or has ever gone. or will ever go. And I like that and think it's good.), and she qualifies. I understand that the way I behave with my friends or family is different than how I behave with a [potential or not] SO, but honestly I don't think that it's like an entirely different emotion or anything. If you love someone you love someone unless you don't. And I definitely don't not love her. 
So far I've told her yes, just because I have a hard time with being dishonest on the spot. But should I have not done that? I mean, the obvious answer is 'no, you should not have done that'. But isn't there a less obvious answer 'It doesn't matter whether you _should_ it matters how you feel and communication is key for interactions especially in affairs of the heart' Like I said--it's a fine line to draw. What do you think?


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## MFB

I'll never understand how women can be the ones to make plans, and then forget about them - ENTIRELY. Like, lady-friend was wanting to come down and see me when she got back from vacation so she picked a day (today) and I haven't gotten a single text or anything from her saying if she's coming down, or if she even remembers that she was supposed to and apparently now she's at the beach? 

I'm totally OK with it, she wants to hang with ME, and I'm of the 'if it happens, it happens' mindset; it's just boggling really. Not to mention I'm on 4 hrs of sleep right now and have to redo an entire model for tomorrow as well as one other that I haven't started yet, so probably needing to do an all-nighter.


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## Grand Moff Tim

vilk said:


> Tim, I don't understand how you can live in East Asia and want a girlfriend but not have one. Us white folk generally can get girls 2, even 3 levels above our own hotness based on race alone!



Maybe it's different in Japan, but the lion's share of women in Korea won't date anyone but native Korean men. Even people who are ethnically Korean but grew up in the US have a tougher time than a native would. A female coworker estimated that at least 75% of Korean women wouldn't want to date a non-Korean. 

Hell, the first year I was here, there was a news piece on a major network Korean equivalent of Dateline warning Korean women against the dangers of dating foreign men, saying we'll rob them, get them pregnant then dump them, and give them AIDS. 

All that aside, I'm just terrible at being social, and I have next to zero self confidence. I don't think I'm particularly attractive, I'm definitely fat (especially by Asian standards), and I don't really have much to offer a chick as far as financial stability, or anything interesting that'd make me worth being around. It's one of those stupid "learn to love yourself first" cliches that I need to work on. Baby steps forward.



vilk said:


> And usually East Asian girls are wayyyy more into immediately becoming bf/gf than their Western counterparts who might tend to fear commitment (actually, this aspect I did not always appreciate).



That actually works against us here. Because they're looking for serious relationships and are in a hurry to get married before that magic social stigma age limit, they tend to avoid men who're just going to leave the country in a year or two anyways. I'm actually perfectly willing to settle in Korea long-term if I meet someone, but I can hardly lead off with that when I meet someone .



vilk said:


> I know I'm going out on a limb because I don't really know what you are like as a person irl... but I wouldn't be on point in saying that you're missing 100% of the shots that you're not taking... would I? I understand that there are some hurdles--girls your age are already married/ single girls are too young/ you can't drink or speak Korean (right?)



Nope, can't drink, and that puts a big bar on many socializing opportunities here. It's a plus for some women, though, because they've seen drunk asses so often that they almost like the idea of a sober guy. I've used booze as a social crutch for over a decade now, though, so I kinda have to learn to be social all over again now that I can't have it. It's slow going, buy I _am_ trying.

And no, I'm not _fluent_ in Korean, but I am picking it up bit by bit. I'm a bit ashamed at how little I know so far considering how long I've lived here and that I consider myself a nerd for languages, but I've just been putting almost zero effort into studying it. That leaves me with what I pick up organically, which is still at least more than the average westerner here speaks and is enough to impress many Koreans, but it's hardly enough to carry a conversation of any real weight. I'm telling myself that I'm going to start studying more starting this half of the year, but we'll see. I tell myself alot of things 



vilk said:


> But let's look at what you have working for you! White-face, 'ladies-first' programming, travel opportunity... believe it or not there are (in my experience) a lot of people out there who are very interested in eventually living in the west--probably because they watch too many hollywood movies, but I digress.



I don't think that's the case with many Korean women, especially not those who aren't just materialistic gold diggers, which is... quite a few of them.



vilk said:


> Anyhow, if you don't take it too seriously and just put yourself out there I'd bet you'll have a girlfriend before the end of the month. Maybe you're just being picky?



I'm the opposite of picky, to my detriment. I fully see myself jumping into the very first chance at a relationship that presents itself, whether or not the woman would actually be a good match for me. I'm a little too willing to compromise, I think. Yes, that's possible .



vilk said:


> I will say this, however; In my experience, the music scene in East Asia (especially music that is in any way SSOish) is comprised of literally the least personable people I've ever met.



I don't play music that's SSOish. Now that the stoner/doom band I was in broke up, the only band I'm in is a pop-rock/cover band in which I'm the only non-Korean. That'll hopefully see us playing for more appreciative Korean audiences, and help me meet more people.



vilk said:


> Instead of that, you should try going to events and stuff at a community center/international center. A lot of the girls who go to stuff internationally/culturally inclined are probably there just to meet foreign dudes!



The best equivalent of that in my neck of the woods would be language exchanges, where they go to practice their English and maybe help westerners with their Korean (but mostly the former). I know where and when a few of them are, even, and have been telling myself lol that I'm going to start going at some point, but I always chicken out and just stay home alone instead. 

It's a process, I realize, but it's something I need to take care of if I want to have a family some day (I do) with kids who will graduate before I'm eligible for Social Security .


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## Obsidian Soul

@Grand Moff Tim 
Maybe you'll find a female at that language place.She can help your Korean language skills and you can help her English... among other things...

@Explorer
You're a lady too?
Edit:Too,as in the addition of Chokey Chicken...


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## Explorer

Chokey Chicken said:


> It doesn't help that society sort of stigmatizes females making the first move.



I'm clearly and thankfully out of touch with those segments of society. *laugh*

Here's the thing my friend K- says, though. "If a guy thinks I'm too forward by asking him out, that let me know all I need to about his upbringing, and about how incompatible we would be in the long run."

If you can't stand the idea of your potential partner actually being your equal, it's a good exclusion mechanism, and helps keep those women out of future bad situations from someone who wouldn't be able to tolerate a wife being so uppity in the future.

Just my opinion, of course. If you have your reasons why only one sex should be allowed to ask the other out, you're welcome to it.


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## Obsidian Soul

Explorer said:


> Just my opinion, of course. If you have your reasons why only one sex should be allowed to ask the other out, you're welcome to it.


You should tell America because if both genders were equal this thread wouldn't have so many pages.It's really hard to differentiate the smiles and eye contacts from the females that just want an ego booster or the attention.

If an attractive lady asked me out,I'd be so happy,and that's why I'm starting to lean more towards the outgoing type because two shy people often negate each other out.If they're too outgoing,talking my head off and driving me insane,I'll have to leave though lol...


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## ghost_of_karelia

Today's the day, let's hope my pathetic excuse for male courage doesn't let me down the moment I see her. Wish me luck, SS.org!


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## Chokey Chicken

MFB said:


> I'll never understand how women can be the ones to make plans, and then forget about them - ENTIRELY. Like, lady-friend was wanting to come down and see me when she got back from vacation so she picked a day (today) and I haven't gotten a single text or anything from her saying if she's coming down, or if she even remembers that she was supposed to and apparently now she's at the beach?
> 
> I'm totally OK with it, she wants to hang with ME, and I'm of the 'if it happens, it happens' mindset; it's just boggling really. Not to mention I'm on 4 hrs of sleep right now and have to redo an entire model for tomorrow as well as one other that I haven't started yet, so probably needing to do an all-nighter.



Now imagine how my relationship goes with two women. Always making plans, but never following through! 

I kid, I kid. It's just absent mindedness, and I've dealt with lots of it in the past. It really is mind boggling how someone can just forget plans you made and even reminded them of not 24 hours before.

@explorer, that's a really good way of looking at it. I don't think it's much of an opinion though. If being asked out by a girl bums you out, I can't think of a legitimate reason why that could even be okay. Hell, I think most people would be fine with it, but a couple of the guys I dated were teased for it briefly.


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## Obsidian Soul

jarvncaredoc said:


> Today's the day, let's hope my pathetic excuse for male courage doesn't let me down the moment I see her. Wish me luck, SS.org!


Good luck!

I need everybody to pray for me today.I have to see that girl today,and I'm already scared.I'm just aiming for having a conversation with her,which would be considered second nature to others but infinitely hard for me.Social anxiety please fail me...


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## no_dice

Obsidian Soul said:


> Good luck!
> 
> I need everybody to pray for me today.I have to see that girl today,and I'm already scared.I'm just aiming for having a conversation with her,which would be considered second nature to others but infinitely hard for me.Social anxiety please fail me...



Eventually, you will become more comfortable talking to girls. If it's a seemingly insurmountable task just to have a conversation with them, then how does that fare for your (ideally) continued interactions with them? 

I know how you feel, though. It is scary to potentially be rejected or embarrassed when talking to a girl, but if you don't put too much expectation on the outcome, it won't be so bad. 

I always had an easy time talking to girls for my friends, but it was a trial to talk to a girl for myself. I didn't care how I came across to those girls, so my interactions were comfortable and natural. You just have to learn how to engage them in that manner, and you will eventually get lucky and connect with one.


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## Konfyouzd

MFB said:


> I'll never understand how women can be the ones to make plans, and then forget about them - ENTIRELY. Like, lady-friend was wanting to come down and see me when she got back from vacation so she picked a day (today) and I haven't gotten a single text or anything from her saying if she's coming down, or if she even remembers that she was supposed to and apparently now she's at the beach?
> 
> I'm totally OK with it, she wants to hang with ME, and I'm of the 'if it happens, it happens' mindset; it's just boggling really. Not to mention I'm on 4 hrs of sleep right now and have to redo an entire model for tomorrow as well as one other that I haven't started yet, so probably needing to do an all-nighter.



That's not okay...


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## MFB

We're not an item or anything so she didn't abandon me as her boyfriend, its just kind of a "Didnt ypy really want to hang out? Oh well"


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## Konfyouzd

Well then I would never take that one seriously. Common courtesy goes a long way.


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## Obsidian Soul

She sat beside me today,and we did a little chit chatting.The professor asked what did we enjoy drawing last time,and she told me she enjoyed drawing me.Was this a flirtatious move and does she like me?

She did kind of sketch me real quick,but why didn't she say anything else?I had this weird pleasant feeling,and I deduced that my intuition is telling me that she likes me.I'm ready for my first kiss at least.I'll be 19 next month...


----------



## Chokey Chicken

It's impossible to tell, but I say ask her out. You guys at least sound friendly together and the worst she can do is say no. She won't be mean about it, and don't take it personal if she does. I'm betting she'll probably be all for it.


----------



## Explorer

Obsidian Soul said:


> You should tell America because if both genders were equal this thread wouldn't have so many pages.It's really hard to differentiate the smiles and eye contacts from the females that just want an ego booster or the attention.



Just to note... I think there have been a few studies and such that behavior which women consider friendly, men consider to be an expression of sexual interest. 

----

I do hope that those who had big hopes for today at least got some small happiness.

----

When someone is a flake, that's just being a flake. I have both male and female friends who do this. I just don't make solid plans with them. If I'm going somewhere, either alone or with others, I let them know, and if they show up, they show up. That way, I have no stress. 

And I have dumped friends who made definite plans and then didn't have a good excuse as to why they blew it off. Who wants a friend who doesn't value you and your time?


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Explorer said:


> I'm clearly and thankfully out of touch with those segments of society. *laugh*
> 
> Here's the thing my friend K- says, though. "If a guy thinks I'm too forward by asking him out, that let me know all I need to about his upbringing, and about how incompatible we would be in the long run."
> 
> If you can't stand the idea of your potential partner actually being your equal, it's a good exclusion mechanism, and helps keep those women out of future bad situations from someone who wouldn't be able to tolerate a wife being so uppity in the future.
> 
> Just my opinion, of course. If you have your reasons why only one sex should be allowed to ask the other out, you're welcome to it.



One time I was talking to this girl and we hung out once, then we stopped talking for a while for whatever reason. Then I tried talking to her again and she said "we haven't talked in a while" and I said "you could have talked to me " and she said something like "no you have to, you're the guy, you're supposed to be a gentleman haha" and I was like lol nope done here.

Not gonna be with a girl who thinks I should treat her like some fragile mythical being. I want a woman who I can be equal with.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

That's a good way to go at it, actually. You should keep in mind however that society conditions womenfolk to act a certain way. Unless they're prissy little stuck up snobs, of which I've ....ed a few, the whole "mythical creature" thing fades as they get comfortable with you. Sort of different for me since there's not much of a societal protocol for women speaking women, but my sister acts this way.


----------



## Taylor

On lunch today, saw this beautiful lady with red hair and a septum piercing (I don't usually find them attractive but she made it look _good_). Had a chance to talk to her, and maybe ask her out, but totally chickened out like a little wimp.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Chokey Chicken said:


> That's a good way to go at it, actually. You should keep in mind however that society conditions womenfolk to act a certain way. Unless they're prissy little stuck up snobs, of which I've ....ed a few, the whole "mythical creature" thing fades as they get comfortable with you. Sort of different for me since there's not much of a societal protocol for women speaking women, but my sister acts this way.



I know. I'm not mean to anybody if they act that way, I just think it's a bit silly. Plus I'm around a lot of girls who aren't like that at all so it's nice when they don't expect me to do things for them just because they're a girl. That doesn't mean I won't do those things, but I'd do them because of my own genuine kindness rather than thinking they can't do it themselves.

I knew this kid in high school who was very socially awkward, and he treated girls like it was the 1940's. Once (or twice) when I would be getting ready to open a door for a human who happened to be a girl, he would run in front of me and get the door and act like a "gentleman" because he thought it would make them like him.
He even went so far as to stand up at lunch once when the girl he liked came to sit down, and he didn't sit down until she did. He treated women like they were glass objects, no matter how much we, guys and girls included, would tell him that women don't like feeling like they can't do things themselves. He was a pretty hardcore fedora. That's what I think is the thing with chivalry; sometimes girls would like to be appreciated or have nice things done for them because the person doing it really means it, but girls don't like when they're treated as if they're some sort of subhuman that can't do anything without a man's help. 

I tell ya, if I was a girl and that happened to me, I'd be punching faces.


----------



## Konfyouzd

After being such a bitch 2 weeks ago she hits me up today asking for a favor. What part of the game is that?


----------



## Chokey Chicken

It's the part of the game I recommend you don't play. Though if it is a small friendly favor I'd personally do it, but if it's anything that involves too much or going well out of your way, I wouldn't bother.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I already said no. I'm no dummy. 

She's extra friendly still despite that. Very chatty and open. All the things she couldn't be while we were dating. It's a damn trap!


----------



## ghost_of_karelia

So final show was today, barely saw the girl so asked a mutual friend to text her and see if she wanted my number, she replied with "OMG dude I just smiled at him once in the car, it's called being friendly ffs".

Yep.

....ing done.

Back to wallowing in self-pity and getting acquainted with my right hand. Absolutely ....ing pissed through the roof right now.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

jarvncaredoc said:


> So final show was today, barely saw the girl so asked a mutual friend to text her and see if she wanted my number, she replied with "OMG dude I just smiled at him once in the car, it's called being friendly ffs".
> 
> Yep.
> 
> ....ing done.
> 
> Back to wallowing in self-pity and getting acquainted with my right hand. Absolutely ....ing pissed through the roof right now.



If it makes you feel better, she's obviously a bitch if that's how she reacted to someone being polite. Sounds more like a dodged bullet to me.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Yea she didn't have to be *that* shitty about it. Imagine what dating that would be like the first time you piss her off. Pretty is mighty light weighed against douchebaggery.


----------



## BucketheadRules

jarvncaredoc said:


> So final show was today, barely saw the girl so asked a mutual friend to text her and see if she wanted my number, she replied with "OMG dude I just smiled at him once in the car, it's called being friendly ffs".
> 
> Yep.
> 
> ....ing done.
> 
> Back to wallowing in self-pity and getting acquainted with my right hand. Absolutely ....ing pissed through the roof right now.



Agreed with the others. If that's how she reacts, you don't need her in your life.


----------



## Sheagle7

Riffer said:


> If you guys would be so kind as to read all of my shitty story and give me some opinions I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm exhausted from typing everything



WOW.  First off I would just like to say, GO YOU for handling this the way you did. Also, I am a chick, if this makes any difference, this is the opinion from a woman:
This situation escalated very quickly. Before you even stated that she has trust issues, I already knew it! You sounded very sweet and considerate like a normal human being should act in a relationship. She says/texts you that she was just "testing" you. I don't understand why anyone should feel the need to try and .... up anything if it's going well. She was just wanting you to say ANYTHING about a girl so she could pick at the both of you & compare herself to another woman. She's the one ....ing everything up, not you dude. I also wouldn't doubt she has a bipolar disorder. (I am no doctor but this is all IMO) Her mood swings are frightening. Yes us woman will always have some mood swings from time to time but THAT was way too Extreme...with a capital E. And another thing that's extreme..wtf is up with her stalking you (when she lives an hour away?!) What!?
Anyways man you did nothing wrong IMO, she was overly attached after a ....ing month & she has so many issues and inner demons she must work on before she ever tries dating again  lol she was way too obsessed with the idea you were cheating on her when you never gave her a reason to even suspect it in the first place. Being a musician I'm sure you get a lot of hype or attention (especially from girls, because we love guys with talent) but she should expect that being a musician herself (especially being a woman, I'm sure guys give her attention). It's not like you got every chicks # right there on the spot. Like I said, no reason at all to put you in the "guilty corner". 
She seemed stuck in her old relationship or was still bitter from it. Personally, I was cursed by a horrible relationship in my past. The first time meeting my current boyfriend shortly after this shit, that was sort of my mindset too, thinking that all other guys are the same..blah blah blah..that's kind of normal i guess. BUT what that girl did was just...stupid. She embarrassed herself beyond anything & made a point that she clearly was not ready for any relationship. I would not contact her anymore, leave it at that, you ended it fine, you said everything perfectly. She has closure she just doesn't want to accept it. It's all about what SHE wants. And if she shows up at your property again, call the ....ing cops and get that girl in a straight jacket!  But in all seriousness, stalking is no joke, my ex did that to me, sit outside my house, call/text/message/voice mails..pretty much anything to get my attention, less over the top, but it was enough for me to be somewhat worried to leave the house alone. ANYWAYS
Sorry you had to deal with that shit, but you did nothing wrong. But to everyone reading this: don't compare this crazy lady to ALL women. We all do not work like this. (Yes I know I sound hypocritical for saying that because of how I had my mindset after my break-up, but I realized I was very very wrong) 
Go on being a good genuine dude, and hey...at least you could write a song about this experience, right?!  Haha good luck man!


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

^ AH HA! Another female on here!


----------



## Dan_Vacant

I gotten out of my longest relationship ever it was 11 months and 9 days, still not all bummed out cause we both had the same feelings about it. We both felt like we didn't want a relationship, I'm sure we'll still be friends... Time to go hit on errr gurl in the most uncomfortable way


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## Explorer

Today after work, we went picking blackberries at a field behind the local community college's arboretum (two overflowing quarts), which I've now sorted by touch into "ready to eat!" and "leave in the bag with a banana to ripen." Not bad for an hour's work!

I figure if we don't get through them before they get close to the end of their shelf life, I'll make vegan banana "ice cream," and mix in berry chunks once I've worked the bananas in the ice cream maker to soft serve consistency, and then freeze it into tiny cylinder shape for final setting (you know, those ice trays for long ice for sports bottles), and then final coating in either toasted coconut or melted chocolate. 

Which means I now have to ask what might appeal for a picnic this coming weekend, and then I'll figure out how to either make and pack stuff, or to some of it live in the field. Have I mentioned that I'm an awesome cook? It's always great fun to ask for a theme or a dish idea, and then work to get close to it fairly quickly. It's like a game show in my own kitchen!

And last week I tossed together an experimental recipe to reproduce a pizza from a pizza place in Adelphi, now located in College Park... you know, the one with the rectangular pizza with the pastry crust? I'd been working on both the crust and sauce recipes for a while, but this was the first time I put together the pizza intentionally. We were both surprised at how well it turned out. I found it heartening, since I no longer live near there. Next time I'm going to try smoked provolone, though. 

I know, I'm not asking for advice, but I just want to say, always upwards and onwards, dear friends.


----------



## vilk

Last night I bagged an 18 year old girl... I had forgotten how totally annoying and stupid they are  Reminded me of how much I didn't like them when I was in high school. I don't really like to judge people by age... but apparently seniors haven't changed much in the past 6 years haha


----------



## Konfyouzd

Well honestly younger women do kind of get under my skin in a certain kind of way, but I also recognize that there's a lot of the world they still have yet to experience. Gotta cut the youth some slack. It's when they still act like that at 30+ that I begin to take issue with their behavior and/or simply opt to hang out in places where I'm less likely to encounter them.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Konfyouzd said:


> Well honestly younger women do kind of get under my skin in a certain kind of way, but I also recognize that there's a lot of the world, they still have yet to experience. Gotta cut the youth some slack. It's when they still act like that at 30+ that I begin to take issue with their behavior and/or simply opt to hang out in places where I'm less likely to encounter them.



Most of my relationships happened in what can be considered my "youth." Kids are ....ing dumb and I was no exception. Have any of y'all just remembered something you did in high school and just shrank in embarrassment even though you were alone? A great many of my relationships can be summed up by that feeling.

I agree. Hell, even if you're in your twenties and still acting like that it's a good sign that things aren't all there.


----------



## soliloquy

i got that second date with the girl on sunday....3 weeks AFTER the first date...
as much as i think this girl is cool, i most likely will be saying good bye to her this sunday. i'm not looking for someone who has everything, nor someone who can give me the world. i'm not asking for much, but all i'm asking for is for a person to spend some time with me. 

her inconsistent texts/replies are very inconsiderate. she'll be heavy into the conversation then disappear without warning for a day or two. i get why games need to be places, especially if you just started dating. but this is no games. she has my number, my email, and ways to contact me. i'm done contacting her. if she wants to contact me on HER time, then cool. 

i dont like wasting mine, nor others time


----------



## Crabface

soliloquy said:


> i got that second date with the girl on sunday....3 weeks AFTER the first date...
> as much as i think this girl is cool, i most likely will be saying good bye to her this sunday. i'm not looking for someone who has everything, nor someone who can give me the world. i'm not asking for much, but all i'm asking for is for a person to spend some time with me.
> 
> her inconsistent texts/replies are very inconsiderate. she'll be heavy into the conversation then disappear without warning for a day or two. i get why games need to be places, especially if you just started dating. but this is no games. she has my number, my email, and ways to contact me. i'm done contacting her. if she wants to contact me on HER time, then cool.
> 
> i dont like wasting mine, nor others time



I can definitely relate.
A few months ago i was in what ended up being a pretty short relationship for the same reason. We got along very well, great convos when that actually happened, but for some reason she alway acted very dodgy.
She started talking differently on text (she blamed it on stress, sickness, periods, whatever was happening), cancelling dates that had been planned days or even a week beforehand because of "unexpected circumstances" (found out she was lying about that too, going out with the girlfriends).
To top it off she arrived 2 hours late for another date... TWO HOURS. I broke it off that same night because she obviously didnt appreciate my time or the fact that i have a life beyond her and im not desperate enough to chase her everywhere.

I soon found out that i made the right decision, though, so all is well. She was cheating on me with a friend.

Moral of the story: If what they're saying sounds dodgy, it probably is dodgy. End it or you'll end up with a chronic lier.


----------



## Explorer

Crabface said:


> Moral of the story: If what they're saying sounds dodgy, it probably is dodgy. End it or you'll end up with a chronic lier.



I'm sorry to say that I have been in quite a few relationships with people who didn't have even a passing acquaintance with the truth. 

However, I did do some counseling to figure out why I kept getting caught out like that. I'm generally pretty smart, but it seems that I'm also trusting, so I would think, well, if this stuff doesn't fit together, I'm probably just not thinking of it right.

After doing a lot of exercises with the counselor, I started slow by just putting little ads on CL, just platonic, to get to movies and such. Even there, I ran into lots of folks who were just unable to be truthful. Since one of my decisions through counseling was to only have friends who were truthful, it has made my decisions much simpler in terms of what is acceptable, because who has time to figure out what particular statements are true or false? 

My friends say that it's scary though when I zero in on the BS on someone who has been getting sympathy from the group. I generally don't follow up, since I don't feel the need, but if the person goes after me about why I'm not being as supportive as others, then I lay out what I see as going on. 

I think it was Xaios who described it (related to the P&CE forum) as the following:







Anyway, it is absolutely not worth investing the effort in trying to reform a liar. That kind of motivation to change has to come from within that person, so it's better to wait for them to do it for their own reason... if they decide to change at all.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Just reporting in to say that the girl who is my RA this year who I made out with that one time and am probably gonna continue to make out with is now blonde.

Aww ye.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Woman writes in this thread? 

Me =







J/k


----------



## Konfyouzd

Ex hit me up again... This time to ask if I'm comfortable having casual conversations w her. Our relationship ended as a result of her literal refusal to communicate--at all. Well that coupled with the fact that I didn't trust most of what she said; a lot of stuff just never quite added up. Shouldn't I be the one asking that question?   

At any rate I told her that if talking wasn't important before I don't see why we should start now since we're not friends. Hopefully that'll be the end. It was a little harsh but she was never exactly nice (or even courteous) before. Plus sugar coating for ppl like her has always been hard for me.


----------



## sniperfreak223

So...my lady just told me she's been having a lot of "naughty dreams" about me lately...

Oh, and we finally settled on dates to finally meet up and hang out in real life. October 24 can't come soon enough.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Get it...


----------



## OmegaSlayer

sniperfreak223 said:


> So...my lady just told me she's been having a lot of "naughty dreams" about me lately...
> 
> Oh, and we finally settled on dates to finally meet up and hang out in real life. October 24 can't come soon enough.




Which...hmm...doesn't mean I want to say ok...or cool......just...you know......look at the shape


----------



## vilk

Ugh, what should I do...

So since about 3 weeks ago, I've gone out with this girl twice. Tonight we had planned to have a 3rd date... but now I kinda don't want to go. We were to go to a baseball game, which when I agreed to I did not know that it was going to be with a bunch of people from her gym.
1) I wouldn't call myself an anti-social person, but I don't feel like hanging out with a bunch of strangers. Er, I guess I mean to say I was excited to see this girl--not a big group of people.
2) I don't think we're going anywhere. Especially because I'm moving even farther away next week. We got along fine and I do like her... but I pretty positive there's no room for development here. 
3) There's not even the possibility of the date ending in sex tonight. My cousin and his family will be back in the house (where I'm staying for now), and I know that she is living with her mother, so even grinning and bearing it wont get me none.
4) So, even though I do have fun with this girl and we have great sexual chemistry, I gotta admit we have absolutely nothing in common. We've only been out twice, but we almost don't even talk. Most of the time we've been together has been spent playing games or having sex. When we do actually talk it is very... what some people might call forced? But we're both really chill and nice about the fact that we're not interested in anything the other has to say. So when I imagine going to hang out with her and bunch of people who are already in her in-crowd, I see her and all of them chatting it up about rapid air squats while I sit there like a silent goon drinking a beer.

So I've got a date that I don't want to go on with a really sweet girl who I don't see as a potential girlfriend but I do find very sexually attractive but there's no chance we'll have sex. And this is in approximately 3 hours. 

How much of an ass am I if I cancel?


----------



## OmegaSlayer

vilk said:


> Ugh, what should I do...
> 
> So since about 3 weeks ago, I've gone out with this girl twice. Tonight we had planned to have a 3rd date... but now I kinda don't want to go. We were to go to a baseball game, which when I agreed to I did not know that it was going to be with a bunch of people from her gym.
> 1) I wouldn't call myself an anti-social person, but I don't feel like hanging out with a bunch of strangers. Er, I guess I mean to say I was excited to see this girl--not a big group of people.
> 2) I don't think we're going anywhere. Especially because I'm moving even farther away next week. We got along fine and I do like her... but I pretty positive there's no room for development here.
> 3) There's not even the possibility of the date ending in sex tonight. My cousin and his family will be back in the house (where I squat), and I know that she is living with her mother, so even grinning and bearing it wont get me none.
> 4) So, even though I do have fun with this girl and we have great sexual chemistry, I gotta admit we have absolutely nothing in common. We've only been out twice, but we almost don't even talk. Most of the time we've been together has been spent playing games or having sex. When we do actually talk it is very... what some people might call forced? But we're both really chill and nice about the fact that we're not interested in anything the other has to say. So when I imagine going to hang out with her and bunch of people who are already in her in-crowd, I see her and all of them chatting it up about rapid air squats while I sit there like a silent goon drinking a beer.
> 
> So I've got a date that I don't want to go on with a really sweet girl who I don't see as a potential girlfriend but I do find very sexually attractive but there's no chance we'll have sex. And this is in approximately 3 hours.
> 
> How much of an ass am I if I cancel?



Even if you just have sex with a girl, you must respect her.
I would suck it up all the reasons you have, and mind you, I'm more or less like you, and just go.
The night might just be a turning point, either for better or worse, it doesn't matter.
If you respect her, don't cancel the "date"


----------



## Crabface

vilk said:


> Ugh, what should I do...
> 
> So since about 3 weeks ago, I've gone out with this girl twice. Tonight we had planned to have a 3rd date... but now I kinda don't want to go. We were to go to a baseball game, which when I agreed to I did not know that it was going to be with a bunch of people from her gym.
> 1) I wouldn't call myself an anti-social person, but I don't feel like hanging out with a bunch of strangers. Er, I guess I mean to say I was excited to see this girl--not a big group of people.
> 2) I don't think we're going anywhere. Especially because I'm moving even farther away next week. We got along fine and I do like her... but I pretty positive there's no room for development here.
> 3) There's not even the possibility of the date ending in sex tonight. My cousin and his family will be back in the house (where I squat), and I know that she is living with her mother, so even grinning and bearing it wont get me none.
> 4) So, even though I do have fun with this girl and we have great sexual chemistry, I gotta admit we have absolutely nothing in common. We've only been out twice, but we almost don't even talk. Most of the time we've been together has been spent playing games or having sex. When we do actually talk it is very... what some people might call forced? But we're both really chill and nice about the fact that we're not interested in anything the other has to say. So when I imagine going to hang out with her and bunch of people who are already in her in-crowd, I see her and all of them chatting it up about rapid air squats while I sit there like a silent goon drinking a beer.
> 
> So I've got a date that I don't want to go on with a really sweet girl who I don't see as a potential girlfriend but I do find very sexually attractive but there's no chance we'll have sex. And this is in approximately 3 hours.
> 
> How much of an ass am I if I cancel?



With such short notice... it'd be a dick move imho, although I dont really blame you for how you feel, it can be a little awkward, especially when you didnt understand what the circumstances were beforehand.
I wouldnt cancel though, but if you do, dont make excuses. Not a nice feeling if they find out.

You should go, have fun, just put yourself out there and her friends will definitely let you join the conversation. There will be a willingness to "accept you" in the group anyway because you're a friend's friend and not a total stranger. You have the girls stamp of approval.
Look at it this way, if you go and handle it well and get along with everyone you'll seem super chill and masculine to her, you might not have sex today, but you will some other time as a result.

Just take it easy and put yourself out there imo.


----------



## Explorer

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Just reporting in to say that the girl who is my RA this year who I made out with that one time and am probably gonna continue to make out with is now blonde.
> 
> Aww ye.





Same goes for sniperfreak.

----

@vilk - Why burn a bridge just because you're not going to have sex in the short run? 

To put it another way, is sex the only reason to spend time with this person? If so, you should tell her that bluntly, so that she can decide if the feeling is mutual. 

One more thing: she's willing to be seen in public with you, in front of people she knows.


----------



## cwhitey2

vilk said:


> Ugh, what should I do...have great sexual chemistry, I gotta admit we have absolutely nothing in common. We've only been out twice, but we almost don't even talk. Most of the time we've been together has been spent playing games or having sex. When we do actually talk it is very... what some people might call forced? But we're both really chill and nice about the fact that we're not interested in anything the other has to say. So when I imagine going to hang out with her and bunch of people who are already in her in-crowd, I see her and all of them chatting it up about rapid air squats while I sit there like a silent goon drinking a beer.
> 
> So I've got a date that I don't want to go on with a really sweet girl who I don't see as a potential girlfriend but I do find very sexually attractive but there's no chance we'll have sex. And this is in approximately 3 hours.
> 
> How much of an ass am I if I cancel?



1) where the hell can I find a girl that is like the one underlined.

2) you would be a huge ass for bailing... One might even call you a douche.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Perhaps I'm late, but I'd just go and try to have fun. If it's not a date don't treat it as one, but still have fun. It would indeed be a dick move to bail, IMO.


----------



## Church2224

Some of these guys need to rot in hell. We had a situation that makes me completely understand why some people struggle with women. This is not something for advice, but please keep an eye out for some of this in relationships, my friends. 

Last night, my buddy threw a party and my friends and I went there. I came there and met some of his friends, two of them where a couple. One was this hippie-esque girl who was really nice, outgoing and cute, the other was her boyfriend who looked like a normal guy, nothing to judge about upon initial appearance. Well, they were trying to leave at one point because he did not like the fact she was not spending all of the time with him and he was REALLY possessive of her, even when she was around girls. He kept going through the house and looking for the keys to the car and he looked pretty angry. It turned out she had the keys as it was her car, no big deal. I had thought they left and that was the end of it.

I guess about twenty minutes later I decided to go and said my good byes. I walked outside to the front and saw the boyfriend being confronted by two of my buddies and they were borderline yelling at each other so I got to the side of one of them to make sure shit did not hit the fan. Turns out, this guy had dragged his girl by her hair and assaulted her to get her keys from her in order for them to go, and my buddies did not like that at all, and of course, I wanted to beat the guy to a pulp at that point. 

We tried to get the keys from him but he would not back down, so my friend who was a corrections officer called the police. The guy then stormed off and took the car and nearly hit the three of us in the street in the process. We had two officers come to us and we explained the situation. The girl came outside with one of her friends and she was in tears and decided to press charges against this prick. My friends and I went on a manhunt for a while to find the guy, but nothing came up. 

Later when the police left we talked to her and I kid you not, this is what we got- 

"Well, he is a really good guy, but yesterday he hit me multiple times and I cannot take it anymore."

Thing is when they met she was living in her car and had nowhere to go, so they lived together and he "Rescued" her. We told her not to go home that night and the good news is that my friends took her back to their parents place until she can get back on her feet. We are keeping an eye out on her to make sure she is safe, and looking out for this guy to come back. 

I think this is one of the reasons why so many guys struggle getting women. They see crap like this happen and think "The only way I can get a cute girl is to treat her like crap? What kind of world is this?" 

Sad thing is things like this happen all the time. Remember to treat the people you love with honor and respect. For some reason this got to me a bit and I hope no one sees this in a relationship any time soon.


----------



## flint757

Is he going to be charged for basically stealing her car as well? Even if he gives it back it is still auto theft since he stole the keys from her and the car isn't in his name (I assume).


----------



## Church2224

flint757 said:


> Is he going to be charged for basically stealing her car as well? Even if he gives it back it is still auto theft since he stole the keys from her and the car isn't in his name (I assume).



Yep he is being charged with that as well.


----------



## flint757

Hopefully everything resolves itself as simply as possible. Good luck to you and your friends man.


----------



## Church2224

[SC][/SC]Thanks, man. I just do not want any one else hurt. 

On a good note, that moment you realize a finalist for the "Miss Virginia" pageant thinks you are attractive... it's a good feeling man


----------



## Konfyouzd

Git dat... Tell her Konfyouzd says hi.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

I'd crush every single bone of every man that treats women without respect just to be badboys.
I should also say that every woman that accepts to be mistreated by a man should be locked in a cloistered convent and not be able to get a penis anymore in their lives.

AMEN.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Well that's a ....ed up story. I hope the girl ends up okay, and I hope the guy gets ....ed with charges and/or jail time. 

I wouldn't say it's why guys act shitty though. I've had more guys just act really creepy than I've had physically aggressive. (And I've been with physically aggressive which I won't get into.) Generally the mask of courtship has them acting overly nice, buying flowers and showing you a good time... Shit like that. It's typically only after the woman is "given the world" and the honeymoon phase wears off that the true personality/not giving a .... comes out. It's why the women feel pressured to stay, because they DID have some great times together and the women don't want to let that go. It blows, and personally I'm out the door the second it becomes any sort of physical. Same for female on male violence. So much as a slap is grounds for instant ending of a relationship. 

I'm glad you and your friends stood up for the weak though. Far too many people would act appalled but do nothing. Makes me happy knowing that not everyone is a reclusive "someone else will fix it" ass hat.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Oops, double post... Apologies.


----------



## Konfyouzd

OmegaSlayer said:


> I'd crush every single bone of every man that treats women without respect just to be badboys.
> I should also say that every woman that accepts to be mistreated by a man should be locked in a cloistered convent and not be able to get a penis anymore in their lives.
> 
> AMEN.







> no mo' dick for you!!


----------



## Explorer

Now to out myself as a real fuddy duddy...

I think you should wait at least 6 months before physical intimacy. 

If the person is worth being with, that person is worth waiting for.

If the person is not worth being with, then it's a good thing to have waited, because you can't wash that kind of thing off. 

I know someone who is completely addicted to the limerance period. At a year and a half, it was the shortest relationship of my life by a wide margin, and the shortest of that person. (That person is also a serial cheeter, and has been for more than a decade, just to get that feeling.)


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Explorer said:


> Now to out myself as a real fuddy duddy...
> 
> I think you should wait at least 6 months before physical intimacy.
> 
> If the person is worth being with, that person is worth waiting for.
> 
> If the person is not worth being with, then it's a good thing to have waited, because you can't wash that kind of thing off.
> 
> I know someone who is completely addicted to the limerance period. At a year and a half, it was the shortest relationship of my life by a wide margin, and the shortest of that person. (That person is also a serial cheeter, and has been for more than a decade, just to get that feeling.)



It's not fuddy duddy, which I don't even know what it means.
It's just chemistry.
Your hormones says so and it's ok, sexuality is something that should be lived with serenity, just that.
And serenity doesn't mean you have to be a yoga scholar or you can't be wild.
You just have to follow the signals your partner send, when he/she sends them


----------



## BlackMastodon

Explorer said:


> Now to out myself as a real fuddy duddy...
> 
> I think you should wait at least 6 months before physical intimacy.
> 
> If the person is worth being with, that person is worth waiting for.


*whiny voice*But I want seks noooooooooooowwwww


----------



## soliloquy

so, had a second date with the non-communicator. turned out great. i called her out on her being a shitty replier of texts/emails/messages. she confronted saying shes lost a few relationships in the past because of that. as i was talking to her i found out that shes a VERY studious person who's always involved with books; as such, shes VERY awkward socially and has no social manners of communication. shes not doing it intentionally.

i still told her that her plate is full, text/message/email me when she has time because i dont chase people. i also made it clear that i DO NOT under any circumstances date friends. i can be friendly to her and call her my acquaintance, and thus date her to see if we work together. OR i can be her friend. if i'm her friend, i'll be there for her as a friend, but emotionally and physically i cant be there; and i have a great control over my emotions, so if she ever wants to get serious, as friends, it will never happen. 

she said she'll work on her shit and she was unaware that shes lousy at replying, but will make an effort going forward.

and then she invited me to date 3. 

i like her, shes a goof ball. but unless she wises up, i'm dont going to chase her.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Last week,I had intentions on asking S(I'll call her by letter) if she would like to go out sometime since I don't have a vehicle or know the area that we'll,but she didn't show up to class.I haven't seen her in almost a week since she didn't show up to class,so I don't know if it is a prudent choice to ask this week.Maybe I should spark her interest some more?Suggestions anyone?


----------



## vilk

Explorer said:


> Now to out myself as a real fuddy duddy...
> 
> I think you should wait at least 6 months before physical intimacy.
> 
> If the person is worth being with, that person is worth waiting for.
> 
> If the person is not worth being with, then it's a good thing to have waited, because you can't wash that kind of thing off.



Am I the only one that doesn't think this sounds healthy? Especially the reasoning that "you can't wash that kind of thing off". Like having sex with someone somehow brands you or permanently damages you... it almost implies that you view people who have had lots of sex as lower? but maybe I'm reading into it too much. 

Not to pry but I'm just curious as to why you'd make the effort of deciding such an extremely long predetermined time period.


----------



## vilk

ewww why did it double-post?


----------



## JeffFromMtl

I don't know... I've always seen sex as another way of communicating with someone - especially someone who you really get along with on a personal level. 

Not that that's what it always is, or has to be though. Look at it like music. Sometimes you want a much more emotional experience and something to really connect with, so you put on something that moves you in that way. But sometimes, you just want to move and have fun, so you go to a show and mosh or put on something that makes you want to dance. Just as music can be about either thing, so can sex. Sometimes you want a deeper experience, and sometimes you just want to dance mindlessly. There's nothing wrong with either, and I think it's important to know that you can do both with the person you're with.


----------



## asher

Jeff, you're completely, totally, 100% on the money.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

JeffFromMtl said:


> I don't know... I've always seen sex as another way of communicating with someone - especially someone who you really get along with on a personal level.
> 
> Not that that's what it always is, or has to be though. Look at it like music. Sometimes you want a much more emotional experience and something to really connect with, so you put on something that moves you in that way. But sometimes, you just want to move and have fun, so you go to a show and mosh or put on something that makes you want to dance. Just as music can be about either thing, so can sex. Sometimes you want a deeper experience, and sometimes you just want to dance mindlessly. There's nothing wrong with either, and I think it's important to know that you can do both with the person you're with.



I don't think I'll ever be forgetting that analogy. You've just permanently burned this mindset into my brain.


----------



## vilk

I can get behind what Jeff is saying, but even still 26 weeks seems like an inordinately long time to wait before even finding out what kind of dance it is or isn't.


----------



## asher

I don't think he was suggesting you should necessarily wait.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

No, I wasn't suggesting waiting at all. Quite the opposite, actually. What I was suggesting is that getting to know someone on a physical/intimate level is just as important as getting to know them on a personal/emotional level. Why wait to find out, when it might turn out that you just don't have the chemistry?


----------



## soliloquy

For what its worth, i actually am in support of explorer. Though i dont think there is a specific wait time people should wait to have sex (3 months for all std/sti symptoms to show). 

Me, personally, i dont do ANYTHING for the sake of doing it. Every action, every thought, every experience i put myself through is deliberate. I have a strong control over my emotions and over my physical needs, thus i dont hump anything that moves and emits heat. 

I mean, sure, if you look at the music analogy, i like aggressive music just as much as i love soft music. Turn that into sex, i love 'love making' just as much as hardcore action. However, if i feel nothing for the person im with, part of me wont care what they are feeling, and it becomes a selfish ordeal, which is not something for me. 

You are going into someones personal space (or inviting someone into your personal space). There are no walls beyond that. In my personal opinion, if you just give it away you arent really connecting with someone. Thus, my stance is to make an emotional connection first which usually takes some time. No, you dont necessarily have to be in love. But emotionally connected can take some time; only you decide what that time is.

If you want to wait to be safe and free from sti, then wait 3 months. If you want to have a stronger connection, wait till you are emotionally connected, however long that might be


----------



## vilk

I feel here that despite what else you've said it's directly related to a fear of stds.

Also, you say 'it' like sex is a possession or something. It's an action--a bodily function even. Sexual drive has more akin to hunger than it does a treasured item. You say that it goes past some kind of a wall, but what exactly are you trying to defend?

Honestly I am like not even biased this is just going straight over my head

In the music metaphor, how can you know if you wanted to hear a song if you've never heard it?


----------



## JeffFromMtl

That's a fair point. All the more reason to try things out.


----------



## asher

tl;dr

Build connections with people.

With your dick.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Girl I was seeing throughout the summer has barely talked to me in the last few weeks, and we've seen each other for all of two minutes since getting back to school on Sunday.

Based on a lot of the conversations and time we spent together, it felt like she liked me a lot, even if we weren't going anywhere. Even if this was just supposed to be a casual thing, we actually cared about each other.

Ya know, when you tell someone "you're the best person in my life right now", you don't drop them without a reason. I might be overthinking it, but if this is how she's gonna be, that's pretty ....ing disrespectful.


----------



## Explorer

UG, that sounds painful, especially if you have more energy and emotion invested in someone than they have in you. I'm sorry you're in that position.

@Vilk - It's actually worked out for me pretty well. I'm pretty sure that if you take my two longest relationships' duration, they'll be close to your age. (I'm not being disrespectful, just stating what I suspect is a fact.) It's a policy which works out pretty well, but it requires a long perspective, as opposed to "well, let me check this out now, because who knows if it will last?" 

Here's another idea which has cropped up in the L&R topic more than once: People can only keep crazy locked down for about 6 months before they finally let it out. 

Given that three months is the minimum to be sure that STDs are detectable so they can be protected against, even four months gives you a healthy window. Would you consider 4 months to be unhealthy?

Some folks consider pot, alcohol, sex, and other methods of gratification to be things for connecting with others. Some folks just seek them out as the desired end. "I can't wait to get home and smoke a bowl, or drink, or find someone to have sex with!" I'm not sure why wanting to find the right people to do things with would be considered unhealthy. Is it the "being able to wait" thing which is the problem, instead of giving in to a desire for instant gratification? 

Because this topic is littered with folks who went for something in the short run, and then had problems because of it.


----------



## asher

@Unattended GolfcartOne of the best names on the forum: It's possible that, though she may indeed have feelings for you, that upfront and weighty of a statement may have surprised her. It really does depend on how it stands relatively to other conversations you've had with her, but if it jumps to a new depth she might have realized you guys weren't quite on the same page.

Or she's been super crazy busy since school just started.

@Explorer: I think it's the long-run perspective that's actually important here, not the sex or lack thereof. You can hold that same point of view and not get entangled and attached, or immediately fall head over heels, but... carry on. Not that it's the easiest thing in the world either, but it's doable.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

asher said:


> @Unattended GolfcartOne of the best names on the forum: It's possible that, though she may indeed have feelings for you, that upfront and weighty of a statement may have surprised her. It really does depend on how it stands relatively to other conversations you've had with her, but if it jumps to a new depth she might have realized you guys weren't quite on the same page.
> 
> Or she's been super crazy busy since school just started.



No, I didn't say that to her. She said that to me.
Understand my frustration now?


----------



## kamello

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> I don't think I'll ever be forgetting that analogy. You've just permanently burned this mindset into my brain.



this!, and shit golfcart, I've been in a similar position, that shit can really make you feel mentally exhausted


----------



## texshred777

This is a good one.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

1 year and a half without sex...hmm...


----------



## SenorDingDong

My fiancee has borderline personality disorder. My life is, frequently, a living hell, most of which involves trying in vein to get someone I love so deeply to seek out help and work at a better life. I'm counting off the hours before I cannot take anymore.

Haven't been on here much the past year, but the rundown is, in short form--last November I was hospitalized for suicidal behaviour. In December, my father died after a long battle with esophageal cancer, when the cancer spread to his brain. It reignited a lot of problems in my life, and my emotions. In February, I was diagnosed with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, the trauma mostly stemming from my father's extremely abusive behaviours, physical and emotional, toward me my entire childhood. 

Because my fiancee is borderline, through this entire ordeal, she has done little more than feed off of my pain, and knock me down whenever I begin to look up. My therapist recognized her behaviours early on, saw what she was doing--how she would purposely trigger my trauma, or act out and destroy my mood when I have anything good coming to me, or am making it happy. He sent her to a psychiatrist to get evaluated, and after one session the psychiatrist was certain that she's borderline.

Nothing is ever her fault. She feeds off of people's pain, fights to be abandoned, destroys every moment of happiness that she can--but somehow, she is never to blame for a single thing. When confronted with her behaviours, she tantrums, like a child--yelling, screeching at the top of her lungs, violently assaulting herself and, at times, me. And because I grew up being abused, and witnessed regular domestic violence, I still stay in and try to help her, no matter what she does. I feel like if I can just show her that someone won't give up on her, that someone will stay and try no matter what, the good in her that I see in frequently slighter and smaller glimpses, will take over, and she'll be better, she'll be happy, she'll be wonderful. 

I know it's all utter trite, that it's my familial dysfunction speaking--that it's my mum's beliefs instilled in me, that no matter what, you have to never give up, no matter what the person does to you. And I even start to believe that I deserve the constant emotional and physical abuse, just as she probably did. But I feel like if I give up on her, if I leave her and move on to someone who will treat me better, I'll just be another person who gave up on her, who added to her pain. She tells me it all the time in her rages. 

I know it's all irrational, my thoughts on things. Funny that I've trained in MMA half my life, can beat down grown men twice my size, by I take this constant, unending assault from my fiancee, who is 5'0" and a hundred-twenty pounds, without a second thought. 

Being self-aware is a bitch. It means you know exactly what is going on, but it doesn't make it any easier to stop. 

The better I do with my treatment, the further I move forward--addressing trauma, being desensitized to it through constant, repetitive exposure therapy, facing the difficulty of missing out on a lot of things I deserved as a child due to having a violent, addiction-riddled schizophrenic father and a chronically depressed, narcissistic mother, starting to move toward working again, getting closure on my father's death (him and I hardly spoke, and he never once recognized or admitted to the damage he caused--he died telling himself I had forgiven him without ever once asking for said forgiveness)--the better I do, the more she acts out and the worse she treats me. She's even admitted to feeling threatened be my progress, because she's afraid I'll get better, address my dysfunctions, achieve stability and move on, so she tries to undo it all. But I'm stuck in this loop, this desperate, awful loop.

I don't expect anyone to reply to this--I haven't been on here in ages. But I guess this is a bit of a purge for me.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

SenorDingDong, all of that is so terrible to hear. Things like that are so rarely simple, but I'll just try to give you advice I would give anyone else:

You've got to get out of there if she is abusive to you. Putting up with it and becoming desensitized to it is not the healthy option. Even if you recognize behaviors and start getting over it, it's still happening. You may love her but are you certain she loves you? And do you want to be with someone who would constantly put you on edge and abuse you?

I may be young but I have learned that you can't save people. They have to save themselves. No matter how much you think you can make someone better, you can't. They have to do it themselves. And it truly sounds like she is not trying to make the situation for you two in any way better.

You may love her, but are you in love with her? Don't let her guilt you into staying with her. It's a horrible, horrible feeling when you have to turn your back on someone you care about but you have to think about your own health more than their's, after all, they aren't you, you are you.


----------



## vilk

Get her to break up with you so you don't have to be the one that 'abandons her', since that's what you seem to be concerned with? I can totally relate to how you feel though since I'm notoriously unable to break it off with women because I don't want to be another person on the long list of people who hurt/left them. 

But, at some point you have to say--why would I care? If you did leave that person, why would it matter if you were on the list of people who hurt them? It matters now because you're still with that person and obviously still care about them. But if you weren't with that person you would forget about them (eventually) and then it wouldn't matter whether or not they were feeling bad, and it wouldn't make you feel bad that they feel bad. In theory. Right?


----------



## Obsidian Soul

OmegaSlayer said:


> 1 year and a half without sex...hmm...


Almost 19 years old.The struggle is beyond real...


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I had my first time when I was 18 and it wasn't that great. I didn't have sex again until this summer (I'm 20 now) and I've learned that when you have it a lot in a short period of time then stop, I've learned why people complain about not having any for a few weeks or so


----------



## asher

You're right UG, sorry, misread that.

IDK. Try not to worry about it and occasionally try to check in while things settle down?


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Yeah, I do understand that we can both be busy right now, but I feel that this is a bit out of character for her. I've put myself out there, so there's not much more I can do.


----------



## asher

Yeah. Hope it works out for you.


----------



## Explorer

SenorDingDong, I know you're going through a lot. I can't pass judgment on people who despair, having been in bad places myself. 

I know you're probably doing a lot of work on stuff, but I'm going to recommend a book called the Dance of Anger, by Harriet Lerner. (yes, it's marketed as a chick book. *snort*) There is a lot of good material about recognizing when someone tries to get you to react and fight, and strategies for avoiding falling into that "dance." 

The concepts in the book absolutely transformed how I dealt with relationships and members of my family. The book really helped a lot. 

The reason i mention it in this context is that I had a relationship which lasted almost a decade, but which had chaos because my partner seemed to be trying to recreate the chaos of her family life. I couldn't do it, and said that I was willing to work on actual issues, but I couldn't have arguments about something which wasn't even part of the relationship. My refusal to engage in fights actually drove a wedge, which is okay. if a relationship requires the ability to fight on something which isn't even part of the relationship, that's transferring the legitimacy of the relationship to something other than the people infolved, and isn't really about those two people. 

If nothing else, the book might help clarify your thinking in terms of strategies and decisions. 

Sorry to hear about it, friend.


----------



## Taylor

SenorDingDong said:


> My fiancee has borderline personality disorder.



My sister also has this. She's about to ruin her life; she's trying to move out of the parents' house at 17 with a minimum wage job that she'll likely lose in another week (because of her behavior), no plans to go to college, and no friends because she ruins every relationship she comes in to. 

On topic, I am in need of your guys' opinions. So.... there is this girl that my friend keeps trying to nudge me in the direction of. Apparently she's really into me (first time that's ever happened to me :notcool:.), but doesn't want a relationship right now (and neither do I). My friend also tells me she is really "playful and teasing" and also _ahem_ "open and willing". He says she's not promiscuous, but I dunno. I'm thinking of scoping things out quite a bit more before anything happens. What do you guys think?


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

GraveyardThrone said:


> My sister also has this. She's about to ruin her life; she's trying to move out of the parents' house at 17 with a minimum wage job that she'll likely lose in another week (because of her behavior), no plans to go to college, and no friends because she ruins every relationship she comes in to.
> 
> On topic, I am in need of your guys' opinions. So.... there is this girl that my friend keeps trying to nudge me in the direction of. Apparently she's really into me (first time that's ever happened to me :notcool:.), but doesn't want a relationship right now (and neither do I). My friend also tells me she is really "playful and teasing" and also _ahem_ "open and willing". He says she's not promiscuous, but I dunno. I'm thinking of scoping things out quite a bit more before anything happens. What do you guys think?



Scope, definitely. Talk to her, get a feel for her personality and see if you actually like her. If you do, great! Pursue her even if it's just for some sexy fun time. If your friend said she's open and willing yet not promiscuous then maybe she's not immediately into getting with guys, or does quickly get into that but not with a large number of guys.


----------



## BlackMastodon

SenorDingDong said:


> *Post*


Jesus, man. I was wondering why I haven't seen you around the forum lately. That's a terrible situation you're in and I'm praying for you. My only advice to you would be to cut her out of your life. I don't know your relationship more than what you just told us in that post but that sounds like a shit situation that can't get any better. She is very literally dragging you down, actively trying to undo therapy that you need to be happier and to function (which she readily admits to!), and is basically slowly killing you. You may love her, that's fine, I understand how daunting the idea of leaving the person you love is, but I think you need to do it to save yourself. 

I'm pulling for you dude.


----------



## darkinners

http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/3864000-post7621.html

Few months ago I posted this and I finally convinced my girl to see a shrink.
Ended up she has Anxiety Disorder and and mild Panic Disorder.

She's on meds now, keeping schedule with the shrink. 
She is getting much much better now, didn't go crazy for over 2 months already.

Our relationship getting much better, I am very happy about this


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I wholeheartedly feel sorry for all of you recently that had to deal with mentally ill females.I joke about females being crazy all the time,but this is grim


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Girl I was seeing met my friends and me for lunch. We came back to my room to chill before her class. We were all chilling around talking about different stuff and she mentioned she was going on a "sexual hiatus". She said it in a joking way but I'm pretty sure she meant it. She said she was going to change her priorities and stop having sex for a while.

I was like


----------



## asher




----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

And then she texted me after saying "I miss hanging with you!  we should hang more often" lolllllll I said "yes I missed you! btw don't go on a sexual hiatus hahaha" and she said "Lol is that why you missed me?" and I responded "No. But it's one reason haha. But I have missed seeing you so it'll be fun to hang more" and she didn't answer because she's in class.

So. That has like an 85% chance of not working out. Oh well. Tonight I'm hanging with my RA after she gets off duty at 11 so I'm gonna put some work in there.


----------



## Konfyouzd

More to life and women than sex. And saying that now means she probably has been getting into a lot of relationships with people that didn't lead to much more than sex. It's not a bad thing. I put myself on a diet. It doesn't mean I don't still have the occasional slice of pizza or two. Overall, though I'm much healthier and much happier with my decision to limit my intake of things I know to be bad for me.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I know, Konfyouzd, she hasn't had good luck with guys besides me from what I've gathered. I'm just more frustrated with the fact that we were hanging and sexing so much and then she nearly stopped talking to me for a month and then the first time we hang out in over a month she brings this up. If she just came out and told me then we could have at least talked about it. I'd still be annoyed, it'd just be less so than waiting so long and then dropping it in the guise of a joke in front of my friends.


----------



## asher

You should probably find a nice and polite way to air your frustration, while making it clear you still think she's cool and enjoy spending time with her, without sex.

Or that you don't enjoy doing that without sex and will not be having much to do with her, if that's how you really feel.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Well in all honesty sex really built up the foundation of the relationship between us. We didn't start becoming better friends until we started having sex. So I know I CAN hang with her without it, it's just that it was such a big part of it, and a lot of it was instigated by her. It's like she started it and then decided to stop it without considering my feelings. If we hang more this may change and we'll probably talk it out, it's just that I feel like she acted disrespectful to me by going about this the way she did. We had an argument once about people/me not respecting her (I was, she was interpreting something I said incorrectly) and how she deserves to be respected because "she knows she's a 10". But I guess she demands respect yet won't reciprocate it.

I'm just pissed so I'm being an ass.


----------



## XEN

OT. Just had to post somewhere...
I got divorced Friday.
Celebrated by buying an RG9.
All is well in the world again.


----------



## asher

You're justifiably annoyed, I just suspect this is something you guys can work out relatively nicely


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

XEN said:


> OT. Just had to post somewhere...
> I got divorced Friday.
> Celebrated by buying an RG9.
> All is well in the world again.



  <3

All I could think to say


----------



## Konfyouzd

"She knows she's a 10?"



If those words came out of her mouth, I think you may have bigger problems than dry no-nos... I love a woman that's confident no matter what the rest of the world thinks of her appearance. We all know there's nothing more annoying than the girl that says she ugly to hear that she isn't. 

But when words like THAT come out of a woman's mouth it says to me that she's trouble. The sex thing may be some weird power move. For example:

My most recent ex told me this during a discussion about oral sex:



> You see... Men and women perform oral sex for completely different reasons. Often men do it to get a woman off. Women do it so we can have men in the palms of our hands.



First of all I know that isn't true. But to hear someone say that so confidently suggests to me that they're overly concerned with having control in a relationship. Damaged and/or misguided people think this way.

EDIT: I hate to be a downer, but another thing is that if she just cut convo completely for a month and just randomly starts hanging out with you again, it's probably because she was interested in someone else and it didn't pan out. That might be another reason she's so anxious for a sexual hiatus... 

It happens a lot.

Same crazy ex I just mentioned... She was horribly rude, distant, cold, what-have-you just a month ago... Broke it off w/ me via text message and wouldn't even look me in my face when she came to my house to return my tablet I was letting her borrow for class.

Out of the blue she started hitting me up again 2 weeks ago being super friendly like she was when she very first met me. I kept convo to a minimum. Somehow, that always makes ppl who've done you a little bit dirty come after you more. I don't know what that is, but that's how it works in my life anyway.

A week later she hits me up again (I posted about this just a few posts ago) with this weird bubbly small talk, then asks if I'm okay with having casual convos with her as if she wasn't JUST my gf and I wasn't going well out of my way to get her to talk to me AT ALL much less casually. (In retrospect she might have been ramping up to talking about why she acted like such a crazy bitch, but at the same time who cares at this point?)

Suddenly no longer busy? Completely different attitude from before? She either WAS cheating or was considering it and the shit didn't work out. There's no other reason for the continued "communication" at this point. Just because they smile nice at you doesn't mean they have good intentions... I think sometimes we cut women a bit too much slack and other times not enough.


----------



## Sheagle7

texshred777 said:


> This is a good one.




Wow......lmao 
....ing unicorns hahaha


----------



## Konfyouzd

Whoa... The only thing upsetting to me about that is that there are ppl in the world that take that sort of thing literally and live their whole life based on calculations of things that can't be calculated.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Feeling so frustrated...I need a hug.
That's so complicated that The Bold and the Beautiful could kiss my ass.


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## asher




----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

LMAO I can't believe what just happened.

I was just waiting outside of my class to go in, and I was talking to one of my classmates. I looked up at one point and I saw that this girl I've been mentioning was walking down the hall, saw me, and made a U turn. I didn't say anything because she was really far away.

Wat.

Why.

I'M SO CONFUSED


----------



## Explorer

UG, it seems like a very clear message.

So much win in Konfyouzd's last message that I just can't get into the various points.



UnattendedGolfcart said:


> ...she mentioned she was going on a "sexual hiatus". She said it in a joking way but I'm pretty sure she meant it. She said she was going to change her priorities and stop having sex for a while.



I've known people who suddenly decided they didn't want to have sex. (Not someone I was involved in, but more on that in a moment.)

It's okay to suddenly want to change the parameters of a relationship. it's also okay for all those in a relationship to decide that the changed parameters don't work for them. The personal decisions can be made for oneself, and one can hope that others can agree, but that doesn't mean they will, or that the others are bad for not agreeing... anymore than they're bad for changing. 

(Cheeting though, that's bad, because that's not giving the other person the ability to give or refuse informed consent. End things, but don't cheat.)

I've had someone I was interested in, or who was interested in me, feel me out about no sex. I have said that sex is a healthy and important part of an adult romantic relationship and partnership, so I won't get involved with someone who doesn't want the same. 

Oddly enough, that's gotten to occasional arguments, where someone insists that I'm wrong to have my particular values, while clearly theirs are the correct values to be imposed on someone else. 

Fail.



Obsidian Soul said:


> I wholeheartedly feel sorry for all of you recently that had to deal with mentally ill females.I joke about females being crazy all the time,but this is grim



It's interesting to see comments on females being crazy, when it's males being crazy that makes death by romantic partner such a high statistic. 

Really, if folks were to give equal weight to the stories of the sex they're interested in, guy craziness is much scarier, stalkier and deadly. 

I think there are even some mentions in this topic about people who would be victims of male craziness, and how wary that made them of all males. 

Basturds be crazy... and deadly....


----------



## vilk

Dude, girls in college do not go on "sexual hiatus". And if she really did mean it, it's not going to be a very long hiatus. But girls are mind....ers man she mighta just said that shit to see your reaction.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

"We were friends before that so don't hate me now that I'm not trying to hook up all the time. I just don't want to be intimate with anyone right now. Too much going on in my life right now to be focusing on that. I need to focus on myself, friends without benefits, and my grades/future"

"Okay "

"Lol that "okay " wasn't for you, that was for my friend Noah about food. I just wanna be homies with you and do what we've always done, just not trying to hookup at this time. Okay? "

I said:

"Yeah, that's fine. I understand what you mean. I won't lie I was a bit bugged by that, just felt confused by it and thought I did something wrong and had no idea what. But okay, I understand that you want to make your priorities better for you and that's fine by me. We're still friends, we'll still hangout. Okay I have to go back to class so I'll talk to you later."

I'm still pissed about it but I feel like it'd be too exhausting getting mad at her right now. Gonna try to not think about this and pursue other friendships and activities.


----------



## vilk

The better (read: what vilk would do) option would have been to just say "whatever that's cool " and then blatantly ignore her sentiment and continue hooking up with her (read: help her move past her stupid idea).

Honestly though I do not really believe a girl would tell you that unless she's just not into you. I don't think she's trying to 'improve herself' as much as she's just letting you down easy. Is my guess

I can't remember the last time I've heard a girl say "I just want to focus on myself/not be with anyone" and not go out and .... a bunch of dudes and have a boyfriend before the months over


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

She didn't want to hook up with anyone though. That's what she tells me. From what she's told me, she's picky with who she hooks up with. But you know I don't even care right now. It was disrespectful to me and I don't feel like arguing with her if she won't understand why I feel the way I do. I have other girls to talk to, that's what I'm gonna focus on. If she wants to hang out then I might act like a jerk and ignore her/not hang with her for a while but whatever.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

vilk said:


> The better (read: what vilk would do) option would have been to just say "whatever that's cool " and then blatantly ignore her sentiment and continue hooking up with her (read: help her move past her stupid idea).



That's a little rapey, dude, and most definitely not okay. If girl doesn't want to ...., you don't push it. You either go with it or cut ties if that isn't something you want, but you don't keep trying to pressure someone who's made their intentions clear. That's the kind of shit that creepy stalker pricks do.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

So after a couple of days of feeling hungry but having no appetite and feeling sick while eating(presumably from anxiety),I finally got to today,my big day.I had to force myself to eat cereal,which was difficult,before I left for class.These past few times it seems as though the perfect situations have been offered to me.

Our professor was a no show but wanted us to work.She went to get a picture to print for our final project,but she didn't have any money on her.There was no immediate solution,so I offered to pay for it for her.Fast forward through some talking and walking(y'all don't want to hear all of that)and I asked her if she would like to go out on a date sometime.She replied,"Sure."Then,I got her number.

Fast forward again.Now,to the weird part.Guy and I are walking back to our apartments after getting off the bus with her.He asks me if I think she seems a bit loose.Then,he was trying to conjure a better and more positive word,but I told him if he meant the word promiscuous.He was like yeah.I asked why did he think that,and he said because of her clothing choices and how she's flirtatious.

Now,my feelings are ambivalent.We aren't bf and gf yet,so I don't feel victorious but I also am not taking what he said to heart because I don't know why he particularly said that the day I asked her out and I want to give her a fair chance instead of shooting her down by accusations(pardon the run-on).I'll just go with the flow to see where it takes me.

Thoughts?


----------



## asher

One guy who doesn't know her is making a snap judgment of her character based on what she wore one day and you're actually taking it seriously?


----------



## Obsidian Soul

asher said:


> One guy who doesn't know her is making a snap judgment of her character based on what she wore one day and you're actually taking it seriously?


Oops.Sorry.I should proofread before I post.I'm not taking what the guy said to heart(we're in the same class),but I was more intrigued by why he said it at that particular time...

Edit:*sighs*Now I feel like I'm going to only get misinterpretations.I need to hone my writing skills...


----------



## Crabface

Obsidian Soul said:


> Oops.Sorry.I should proofread before I post.I'm not taking what the guy said to heart(we're in the same class),but I was more intrigued by why he said it at that particular time...
> 
> Edit:*sighs*Now I feel like I'm going to only get misinterpretations.I need to hone my writing skills...



Take it from experience, ignore it when people put stupid doubts in your head like these. I've had someone do the same thing to me, I unintentionally took it to heart and i was filled with doubts. It eventually ruined my chances in what couldve been a good relationship.
Judge people with your own two eyes, not someone else's, and give them a chance to disprove any rumours about them.


----------



## Explorer

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> She didn't want to hook up with anyone though. That's what she tells me. From what she's told me, she's picky with who she hooks up with. But you know I don't even care right now. It was disrespectful to me and I don't feel like arguing with her if she won't understand why I feel the way I do. I have other girls to talk to, that's what I'm gonna focus on. If she wants to hang out then I might act like a jerk and ignore her/not hang with her for a while but whatever.



I've got to admit, I know lots of people who have heard similar speeches, and then found out the person had magically gotten over their hesitations and problems and were already having sex with someone else. They were often trying to hold onto certain things they wanted to retain, while getting rid of the sex part guilt-free. 

Just sayin'....


----------



## vilk

Chokey Chicken said:


> That's a little rapey, dude, and most definitely not okay. If girl doesn't want to ...., you don't push it. You either go with it or cut ties if that isn't something you want, but you don't keep trying to pressure someone who's made their intentions clear. That's the kind of shit that creepy stalker pricks do.



I feel like you're misinterpreting what I said.
First of all, they're already hooking up. It's not creepy or stalkerish if this girl likes you and is voluntarily hanging out / hooking up with you. I'm just saying that when a girl youre bangin gives you some speech about why she thinks you shouldn't anymore (I like this other guy/ I have a boyfriend/ I'm not ready for anything seririous/ I don't want to get hurt/ etc), if you do not react or change your own demeanor, there's a good possibility that she won't either and you two will continue to hook up. 

I'm not implying that this is how people should behave I'm just saying it's real


----------



## asher

Obsidian Soul said:


> Oops.Sorry.I should proofread before I post.I'm not taking what the guy said to heart(we're in the same class),but I was more intrigued by why he said it at that particular time...
> 
> Edit:*sighs*Now I feel like I'm going to only get misinterpretations.I need to hone my writing skills...



Ah. No worries dude 

I suspect it's coincidence, haha.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Obsidian Soul said:


> So after a couple of days of feeling hungry but having no appetite and feeling sick while eating(presumably from anxiety),I finally got to today,my big day.I had to force myself to eat cereal,which was difficult,before I left for class.These past few times it seems as though the perfect situations have been offered to me.
> 
> Our professor was a no show but wanted us to work.She went to get a picture to print for our final project,but she didn't have any money on her.There was no immediate solution,so I offered to pay for it for her.Fast forward through some talking and walking(y'all don't want to hear all of that)and I asked her if she would like to go out on a date sometime.She replied,"Sure."Then,I got her number.
> 
> Fast forward again.Now,to the weird part.Guy and I are walking back to our apartments after getting off the bus with her.He asks me if I think she seems a bit loose.Then,he was trying to conjure a better and more positive word,but I told him if he meant the word promiscuous.He was like yeah.I asked why did he think that,and he said because of her clothing choices and how she's flirtatious.
> 
> Now,my feelings are ambivalent.We aren't bf and gf yet,so I don't feel victorious but I also am not taking what he said to heart because I don't know why he particularly said that the day I asked her out and I want to give her a fair chance instead of shooting her down by accusations(pardon the run-on).I'll just go with the flow to see where it takes me.
> 
> Thoughts?



For what it's worth, past is past. If she's spending time with you now, it doesn't matter who or what she's done in the past. You'd be letting yourself down if you only went for women who have had 1, 2, or no partners. Like you said, it's not a full on relationship yet, and this is where dating is a useful tool. You'll get to know her, feel out her personality. 

Also worth noting is that the type of clothing one wears does not a "loosey" make, even if being promiscuous was an inherently bad thing. Just get to know her, and enjoy yourself in the process. If she_ has _been around, just feel out her personality and see if she can be trusted to be content with one (re: you) individual. 

I know the anxiety enduced nausia all too well. Between my ex and my current partner I was the same way. McDonalds chicken nuggets were the only thing I could eat without my insides twisting up. (funny, as it's usually the other way around.) After my relationship with my now-wife got officially started, most of that stress vanished. This date sounds like it'll do you all kinds of good, and very little (if any) bad. Go have a blast, and don't think too much about it!


----------



## asher

Gandalf has spoken!


----------



## Chokey Chicken

vilk said:


> I feel like you're misinterpreting what I said.
> First of all, they're already hooking up. It's not creepy or stalkerish if this girl likes you and is voluntarily hanging out / hooking up with you. I'm just saying that when a girl youre bangin gives you some speech about why she thinks you shouldn't anymore (I like this other guy/ I have a boyfriend/ I'm not ready for anything seririous/ I don't want to get hurt/ etc), if you do not react or change your own demeanor, there's a good possibility that she won't either and you two will continue to hook up.
> 
> I'm not implying that this is how people should behave I'm just saying it's real



It's creepy/stalkerish to ignore a girls (or mans) requests, regardless of how silly they might seem to the other party. If you go business as usual and one thing keeps leading to another, that's one thing, but you don't actively keep pursuing something you've been told is unwanted. 

I've known many women to have unwilling sex just because the guy kept persisting. They took it as a "she said no, I persisted, she finally said yes, huzzah! I get sex." When in actuality the girl just felt like shit denying and denying, and the guy finally made her so uncomfortable that she begrudgingly allowed it. Hell, I've personally had to leave parties and shit because I was getting uncomfortable denying people's advances. Do you have any idea how ....ed up that is? That _I_ had to leave the fun, because I was feeling more and more like the asshole when I didn't even do anything wrong? People don't like turning other people down, and it's not fair or right to keep asking someone who has already said no.

The girl said she didn't want to have sex. If she goes out and bangs another guy, then that just meant she didn't want to have sex with you and she sugar coated it. There's nothing wrong with that so long as she isn't cheating. There is no legitimate reason why someone who's been told something should go and do the opposite.


----------



## vilk

I said not to change your demeanor. So what you're describing would only happen if dudeman was pushy to begin with, right? It sounds like the guy you were with was just an asshole anyway.

She didn't tell him "Stop trying to have sex with me!"--she said "I think I don't want to have sex for a while". How can he do the opposite if she's not even telling him what to do? He's not responsible for her actions if she ends up having sex with him even though she arbitrarily decided that she shouldn't at some earlier point in time. It'd be like if she said "I'm quitting smoking" and then showed up later in the week and asked for a cigarette. I'd give it to her. Because she can make her own decisions.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

vilk said:


> I said not to change your demeanor. So what you're describing would only happen if dudeman was pushy to begin with, right? It sounds like the guy you were with was just an asshole anyway.
> 
> She didn't tell him "Stop trying to have sex with me!"--she said "I think I don't want to have sex for a while". How can he do the opposite if she's not even telling him what to do? He's not responsible for her actions if she ends up having sex with him even though she arbitrarily decided that she shouldn't at some earlier point in time. It'd be like if she said "I'm quitting smoking" and then showed up later in the week and asked for a cigarette. I'd give it to her. Because she can make her own decisions.



Not changing your demeanor when she requested you change your demeanor is the equivalent of persisting.

edit: keep in mind I acknowledged one thing can lead to another, and there's nothing wrong with that. But still saying "oh, you said you don't want to have sex and I said 'okay.' Now I'm gonna ask for sex the next time we meet because that's what we always do." is wrong. You hang out with her, and if you end up ....ing then great, but you can't go into it like you used to because she outright said she doesn't want to. Legit, guy even said "she said it in a joking way, but I think she was serious." People say things in joking/friendly ways when they fear a negative reaction. She obviously didn't want to bum the guy out, so she said it in a cutesy "I hope I don't offend someone" kind of way. If she comes around asking for sex, and you're willing then jump on it, but don't keep instigating sex and thinking it's not ....ed up.


----------



## vilk

persisting at what? Being yourself? You think dudeman should change just because somebitch woke up one morning and said "change!"?

Either way I think we're on the same page here. If some indecisive woman who you're regularly hooking up with says "I don't want to hook up anymore" it doesn't necessarily mean that she wont keep hooking up with you and there's a line between being pushy and just going with the flow.


But for the record, you keep talking about "asking for sex" like it's a verbal statement: "I want sex. Give me sex." -- "No." -- "Please! Please please!" -- "I don't want to." -- "Why not? Come on, have sex with me!" 
^that's bullshit. Don't do that. That is not what I'm talking about.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

vilk said:


> persisting at what? Being yourself? You think dudeman should change just because somebitch woke up one morning and said "change!"?
> 
> Either way I think we're on the same page here. If some indecisive woman who you're regularly hooking up with says "I don't want to hook up anymore" it doesn't necessarily mean that she wont keep hooking up with you and there's a line between being pushy and just going with the flow.
> 
> 
> But for the record, you keep talking about "asking for sex" like it's a verbal statement: "I want sex. Give me sex." -- "No." -- "Please! Please please!" -- "I don't want to." -- "Why not? Come on, have sex with me!"
> ^that's bullshit. Don't do that. That is not what I'm talking about.



If dudebro (I'm really sorry, I forget who it is we're even talking about, but this is in general and not even directed at only you.) really wants this particular girl, then yeah he should change his approach if she's even hinting that his current approach is making her uncomfortable. If he doesn't want to change, then that's totally cool, but pursue other endeavors.

I was also really hoping you weren't taking my "asking for sex" comments as literally asking for sex. I was referring in pushing things physically. She wants less intimacy. She could be cool with kissing or whatever, you have to find out what she's cool with and start there. If it escalates from there, then whatever. There's a thin line, because women (and people in general) are pressured into feeling like shit for denying anything. Some people don't have problems denying things, a large amount do. 

To go on a bit of a tangent, I work at a grocery store. We regularly have people taking donations outside. I feel really ....ing awkward every time I walk by them knowing that I can't donate, and I feel like shit saying I can't donate. I really can't. I'm pretty damn poor. So why should I feel like shit saying I can't afford giving a buck or two? (answer: I shouldn't) I'm not the only one either. The vast majority lie and say they'll pay on their way out, and on their way out, they leave through the other door telling the people on that side that they paid the folks on the other end. This is just one example, I've heard countless excuses, which shouldn't be necessary. You donate if you can and/or want to. The same thing crosses over into relationships and sex. He or she doesn't need a reason to not want to, but people always feel pressured. Like they're being judged or that they're the bad guy if they decide they don't want to without a "legitimate reason." Personally, I'd take the "I don't want to have sex" as a red flag. I'd talk to him or her about what they are comfortable with. You establish what is and isn't okay. Can you hug, kiss, make out, grope, dates, etc. It's important to establish this shit in a comfortable setting so you can establish the line. Otherwise, you're going on assumptions, and you might unknowingly cross the line. She'll feel uncomfortable turning you down when you unknowingly cross that line, and in turn it ....s her up. Technically he didn't do anything wrong, but it's still ....ed up, and if he found out that she didn't want to, it'd likely bum him the .... out too. 

This is why despite all the jokes about how women want to talk, I feel it's a legitimate thing. Communication is absolutely key. The second she threw up a potential barrier, you have to rewrite rules and see if you're okay with the new rules. If she says making out is fine, but groping is too far, you adhere to those new rules. If you cross that line, chances are pretty good that she's not stopping you because she doesn't want to feel guilty which is bullshit. If the new rules aren't to your liking, then the relationship isn't fulfilling and you break up and find someone who is compatible.

tl;dr If she draws a line in the sand, find out exactly where that line is drawn. Don't ever cross it unless she (or he) instigates it. If you're not okay with the lines, then cut your ties and find someone who is comfortable with what rules you set for the relationship.


----------



## UnderTheSign

vilk said:


> I said not to change your demeanor. So what you're describing would only happen if dudeman was pushy to begin with, right? It sounds like the guy you were with was just an asshole anyway.
> 
> She didn't tell him "Stop trying to have sex with me!"--she said "I think I don't want to have sex for a while". How can he do the opposite if she's not even telling him what to do? He's not responsible for her actions if she ends up having sex with him even though she arbitrarily decided that she shouldn't at some earlier point in time. It'd be like if she said "I'm quitting smoking" and then showed up later in the week and asked for a cigarette. I'd give it to her. Because she can make her own decisions.


No, she didn't _literally_ tell him to stop trying, she said she doesn't want to have sex anymore... Which to me indicates she doesn't want him trying either because she _doesn't want sex_. That's like going out for dinner, saying "I'm full" and the waiter still bringing you more food (and charging you for it) because you didn't explicitly tell him not to.

Also "college girls don't go on sexual hiatus" is a load of bull.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

UnderTheSign said:


> Also "college girls don't go on sexual hiatus" is a load of bull.



I know I'm not a love guru or anything,but there are females out there my age and older that are in the same rut that I am in.Also,if I got with girly,with what I felt was too many times,I don't think I would need an ulterior motive besides my willy needs a break from all this piping lol.

However,I understand that some people do have a hidden agenda when they do this,but nothing's written in stone until it happens just like my fellow SSOers advised me.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

It's just weird coming from her. I didn't mean to start any arguments haha. But okay, here's a few things that I think are just a bit weird:

-She tells me she doesn't want to hookup anymore

-After class, I go to gym, come back to room and post shirtless pumped pic because I do that

-She likes my picture immediately and then texts me saying "And it's not like I don't want to, I do. It's not like we won't ever again. Just right now I am not going to do that." I basically respond "k"

-She sends me a snapchat last night with her roommate and her eating Ben and Jerry's saying "my kind of night"

-She texts me this morning "Aaaaaron, what's up?" and tells me she's just been lying in bed all morning and skipped class. Wait, so she told me she was putting school first on her priority list, had a supposedly quiet night in, and then decided to skip her 10am class, the third class of the semester? Okay, yeah sure, school's important, I'm totally gonna buy that.

She's clearly thinking about me. It might just be me but I'm not into the whole "I'm gonna tell you I don't want to be anything more than friends with you and then suddenly start talking to you more as if nothing happened" thing.


----------



## no_dice

Girls are confusing sometimes and there aren't one-size-fits-all rules you can apply to any given situation. I've hung out with girls in situations like yours, and sometimes they just like to have a fish on the line that they can go to when they want a little validation/confidence boost knowing you want them.

It's also possible she likes you and is seeing if you are interested in anything more than just banging her. You really just have to figure her out (should you decide it's even worth the effort), whether you're cool with just being friends, or if you'd rather have more.

I know I personally can't do the one foot in the door thing. I like to have a very clear understanding of whether it's just friendship or something more, so to have someone be like "well I like you a lot as a friend, and I might want more, but I dunno, we'll just have to wait and see" just gets on my nerves.


----------



## cwhitey2

no_dice said:


> Girls are confusing *all the time* and there aren't one-size-fits-all rules you can apply to any given situation. I



FIXED


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

It would be out of character for her to bait me just to gauge if I wanted to be serious with her. She's clear and honest most of the time. And she's said she doesn't want a committed relationship now. So I'm just backing off and pursuing other people now. The way this went down I kind of don't feel like I want to see her as much as I did a few days ago anyway.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> It's just weird coming from her. I didn't mean to start any arguments haha. But okay, here's a few things that I think are just a bit weird:
> 
> -She tells me she doesn't want to hookup anymore
> 
> -After class, I go to gym, come back to room and post shirtless pumped pic because I do that
> 
> -She likes my picture immediately and then texts me saying "And it's not like I don't want to, I do. It's not like we won't ever again. Just right now I am not going to do that." I basically respond "k"
> 
> -She sends me a snapchat last night with her roommate and her eating Ben and Jerry's saying "my kind of night"
> 
> -She texts me this morning "Aaaaaron, what's up?" and tells me she's just been lying in bed all morning and skipped class. Wait, so she told me she was putting school first on her priority list, had a supposedly quiet night in, and then decided to skip her 10am class, the third class of the semester? Okay, yeah sure, school's important, I'm totally gonna buy that.
> 
> She's clearly thinking about me. It might just be me but I'm not into the whole "I'm gonna tell you I don't want to be anything more than friends with you and then suddenly start talking to you more as if nothing happened" thing.



Perhaps she's trying and failing at doing the school thing better. Obviously it wasn't the sex ....ing up her grades if she's still skipping classes and such. Her priorities do indeed seem a bit skewed and mayhaps this a flag that you should avoid her? She seems a tad kooky. haha


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I don't know what it is but for the time being I'm not gonna spend much time thinking about it. I've got other stuff to do and people to see in my own life so I can't wait around for her to figure out her life.


----------



## vilk

UnderTheSign said:


> Also "college girls don't go on sexual hiatus" is a load of bull.



You could be right. Let's just change it to "_Indiana University _girls don't go on sexual hiatus"



Also, I don't know if I really agree with the idea that 'the line drawn in the sand' is static. And I think it's a really huge assumption to make that if the two of you go over the line that it's because you're guilt-pressuring the girl/ she is feeling guilt-pressured due to whatever programming. I know that two people can be making out and if you kiss just the right way on the right spot that line and the strick that drew it get flung across the whole damn beach.

I guess what Chokey said is good-- communication can solve that problem. If the line moves just say it. But people don't want to do that. It's awkward. It might even ruin the moment for many. I think it would for me. I don't want to sit down and have a discussion about how far we're going to go, and then again if things start heating up.


----------



## Explorer

Just as a comment, I recently read a story about a university which was moving towards actual consent for sex in the rules, as opposed to "one party didn't say no, so it was okay."

I obviously missed the persistence=sex lesson... or, more accurately, I didn't like how I saw guys behaving in high school, and decided not to do the same. 

I've never been in a relationship shorter than a year, and I've never had sex outside of a relationship. I've never had a one-night stand, and I aim to never have one. 

I think someone said my approach is unhealthy. I'm okay with my choices having worked out so far.


----------



## vilk

Explorer said:


> I think someone said my approach is unhealthy. I'm okay with my choices having worked out so far.



I think you mean me. But your lack of desire to be promiscuous wasn't what I was referring to--rather, that it seemed driven by some fear of becoming 'dirtied' for having been with x number of people. And I said I felt that you were implying that; I don't know if that's actually what you think.

I don't understand the pride you have in stipulating all these rules for your sexuality. No one night stands. No sex outside relationships. Only really long relationships. What's that about? It seems unlike you because that mentality seems very molded by puritanical societal programming etc


----------



## Chokey Chicken

vilk said:


> You could be right. Let's just change it to "_Indiana University _girls don't go on sexual hiatus"
> 
> 
> 
> Also, I don't know if I really agree with the idea that 'the line drawn in the sand' is static. And I think it's a really huge assumption to make that if the two of you go over the line that it's because you're guilt-pressuring the girl/ she is feeling guilt-pressured due to whatever programming. I know that two people can be making out and if you kiss just the right way on the right spot that line and the strick that drew it get flung across the whole damn beach.
> 
> I guess what Chokey said is good-- communication can solve that problem. If the line moves just say it. But people don't want to do that. It's awkward. It might even ruin the moment for many. I think it would for me. I don't want to sit down and have a discussion about how far we're going to go, and then again if things start heating up.



I think we're mostly on the same page at this point. It doesn't have to be verbally said when the line moves in the heat of the moment. She (or whoever set the hands off rule) can take it that step further if she decides to.


----------



## Church2224

I am going to create a Match.com profile and get into online dating.

Why?

Well, I am tired of dating girls from 18 to 25. All they want to do is go clubbing, and go to bars, and party, and...not do anything interesting at all. They apparently find me "Boring."

So...would a boring guy go on a ski trip once a year for a week, spend some of his weekends off in the summer at the beach, throw parties and Barbecues at his home, go hiking, camping ect, play guitar, go hunting and fishing and go to Europe every couple of years? 

No. The problem I am seeing is that a lot of these girls just want to have fun. I got that out of my way and now I want to settle down. Also a lot of these girls have no idea what they want to do with their lives, and I am not going to be the decider of that.

I am throwing in the towel on this, time to move on and meet older women who want to do something with their lives...


----------



## asher

So you know the "just not my day" expression? It's just not my... half a year. So many goddamn times I make reasonable plans and shit just pops up, or gets in the way, or circumstances happen or people bail or whatever the fvck. Life has acquired a penchant for metaphorically punching me in the dick for anything personal. This week has been ....ing awful anyway, and on top of that I'm totally tapped out now. I basically have to go meet totally new people for anything relevant to this thread, which I'm awful at doing. I can talk to people okay and stuff but I have a really hard time putting myself out there and can take a long time to adjust to a group...

FML.


----------



## Kwert

Church2224 said:


> I am going to create a Match.com profile and get into online dating.
> 
> Why?
> 
> Well, I am tired of dating girls from 18 to 25. All they want to do is go clubbing, and go to bars, and party, and...not do anything interesting at all. They apparently find me "Boring."
> 
> So...would a boring guy go on a ski trip once a year for a week, spend some of his weekends off in the summer at the beach, throw parties and Barbecues at his home, go hiking, camping ect, play guitar, go hunting and fishing and go to Europe every couple of years?
> 
> No. The problem I am seeing is that a lot of these girls just want to have fun. I got that out of my way and now I want to settle down. Also a lot of these girls have no idea what they want to do with their lives, and I am not going to be the decider of that.
> 
> I am throwing in the towel on this, time to move on and meet older women who want to do something with their lives...





Maybe you're going after/meeting the wrong girls... I know plenty of girls in their mid 20s that are long past the "let's constantly party" phase. Of course they (and I) like going out and cutting loose every now and again, but most of em are pretty laid back, and enjoy low-key hangs and whatnot more than clubbing and getting blasted all the time.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Church... Older women =/= better. We all have the potential to be immature or a pain in the ass.


----------



## Kwert

Also, and I'm aware that this is a vast generalization, but in my experience older women that specifically seek younger guys are not usually the kind of women who feel like settling down and know what they're doing with their lives.


----------



## Church2224

Kwert said:


> Maybe you're going after/meeting the wrong girls... I know plenty of girls in their mid 20s that are long past the "let's constantly party" phase. Of course they (and I) like going out and cutting loose every now and again, but most of em are pretty laid back, and enjoy low-key hangs and whatnot more than clubbing and getting blasted all the time.



That could be the main issue. Most of the girls I meet who are not like the ones I am describing are a lot like me, they spend more time focused on school, work and hobbies I guess. 

I was on a date last night and after talking to the girl for a bit she just got bored and said I was..."boring." So afterwards I took her to a bar and she started flirting with all of the guys there and I just told her good bye and left. I keep finding girls like this when I go out with my buddies, or the girls I find in college who just want to go to frat parties. 

Screw dating, I am getting me another puppy 

How did some of you guys find the girls who want to settle down?


----------



## Kwert

Church2224 said:


> That could be the main issue. Most of the girls I meet who are not like the ones I am describing are a lot like me, they spend more time focused on school, work and hobbies I guess.
> 
> I was on a date last night and after talking to the girl for a bit she just got bored and said I was..."boring." So afterwards I took her to a bar and she started flirting with all of the guys there and I just told her good bye and left. I keep finding girls like this when I go out with my buddies, or the girls I find in college who just want to go to frat parties.
> 
> Screw dating, I am getting me another puppy
> 
> How did some of you guys find the girls who want to settle down?




Why don't you pursue those girls, then? The ones who are actually focused on their lives. It sounds like these girls that you're dating just aren't interested in the things that you are. It can be tough to find people who share your interests.


----------



## Church2224

Kwert said:


> Why don't you pursue those girls, then? The ones who are actually focused on their lives. It sounds like these girls that you're dating just aren't interested in the things that you are. It can be tough to find people who share your interests.



Because every time I tell them what I do for a living they just loose interest. 

(I own a landscape company btw)

They do not like the idea of a man who "works in the dirt" all day, despite the fact I make good money and love what I do.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Fvck em... Someone likes it I'm sure.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I went out tonight and got the courage to ask this girl I've been talking to but never met yet (yay tinder) to come hang at my room. She came back with me and we talked and then made out and I got to third base. We weren't gonna sex but we stopped because I heard the other guys get back in my quad. I tell ya tho, I have never ninja-ed so hard in my life. In two seconds I jumped off my bed, did a spin move, and then locked my door with one finger without even looking.  then I walked her to the exit of the building.

She is absolutely adorable. I am still kinda drunk but she's really cute and stuff and I'm glad we met even under these funny circumstances. So this may go somewhere. Even if not I had a good time. Been a lame last few days girl wise, so it feels really nice that someone thought I was cute enough to make out with on our first meeting.

Having some cinnabun cream coffee to end the night.


----------



## DredFul

^


----------



## cwhitey2

Church2224 said:


> I am going to create a Match.com profile and get into online dating.
> 
> Why?
> 
> Well, I am tired of dating girls from 18 to 25. All they want to do is go clubbing, and go to bars, and party, and...not do anything interesting at all. They apparently find me "Boring."
> 
> So...would a boring guy go on a ski trip once a year for a week, spend some of his weekends off in the summer at the beach, throw parties and Barbecues at his home, go hiking, camping ect, play guitar, go hunting and fishing and go to Europe every couple of years?
> 
> No. The problem I am seeing is that a lot of these girls just want to have fun. I got that out of my way and now I want to settle down. Also a lot of these girls have no idea what they want to do with their lives, and I am not going to be the decider of that.
> 
> I am throwing in the towel on this, time to move on and meet older women who want to do something with their lives...




I feel you man.

My last gf was 22, im 26......i ....ed up before we even started dating. Just our age difference made us so different right off the bat. 

Its not easy finding someone with the same interests you and are at the same point in their life as you are with yours...and are mildly attractive


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

I know we were talking about this a few pages back.

But, unrelated happy post:
http://sports.yahoo.com/news/war-ma...Rjb2xvA2JmMQR2dGlkA1NXSU1DMF8x?.tsrc=rawfront


----------



## UnderTheSign

Church2224 said:


> That could be the main issue. Most of the girls I meet who are not like the ones I am describing are a lot like me, they spend more time focused on school, work and hobbies I guess.
> 
> I was on a date last night and after talking to the girl for a bit she just got bored and said I was..."boring." So afterwards I took her to a bar and she started flirting with all of the guys there and I just told her good bye and left. I keep finding girls like this when I go out with my buddies, or the girls I find in college who just want to go to frat parties.
> 
> Screw dating, I am getting me another puppy
> 
> How did some of you guys find the girls who want to settle down?


I found my current gf through Okcupid. She's a movie nerd, loves Star Trek and napping, not partying. Some of the women I met on okc before her were the party type, most of them weren't. Just like how I have male friends who go out every week and a lot of them that don't, the same goes for women. If you meet girls while going out you're bound to meet the type that likes going out. The girls I dated before my current gf I all met through school/friends, just get talking to people who seem to have similar interests or personalities. They all knew I worked manual labour (dusty warehouse work first and now cabinet making) and no one ever responded negatively to that. I doubt any of them would mind a landscaper either. 

Gotta say though, it might take some time. I spent 2 years rarely going on dates simply because I didn't find anyone like minded.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Scratch that it's probably not going anywhere according to her.
Not mad, just got my hopes up a bit too quick.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Church2224 said:


> Because every time I tell them what I do for a living they just loose interest.
> 
> (I own a landscape company btw)
> 
> They do not like the idea of a man who "works in the dirt" all day, despite the fact I make good money and love what I do.


 
Homie, women aren't "attracted" to the fact that I teach and change lives for a living, but my job isn't designed to pull bitches. Seriously, what kind of woman gets turned off by a guy who owns his own business that keeps him in decent shape, physical and financially? The wrong women, that's who. So .... em, plenty of girls are looking for captain save-a-ho rather than a good man. Do what you love, do it well, and the right people will show up. 

This last few months, it's been a bit disheartening for me as well to find just how many women are out there with a completely different and incompatible set of values from my own, but NEVER sell out to be in with some woman who doesn't value who you are.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

glassmoon0fo said:


> Seriously, what kind of woman gets turned off by a guy who owns his own business that keeps him in decent shape, physical and financially? The wrong women, that's who.



Not 100% true. Just because a guy is good with money and is hot doesn't mean he's not a womanizing piece of trash. Or that they're fun to be around. A good businessman does not a proper partner make. I don't care how in shape and rich a guy is, if his breath smells like rotting garbage and he talks about the goonies or some shit 24/7, I'm out.



> Do what you love, do it well, and the right people will show up.


This on the other hand is true! 



> This last few months, it's been a bit disheartening for me as well to find just how many women are out there with a completely different and incompatible set of values from my own, but NEVER sell out to be in with some woman who doesn't value who you are.


As is this. Never be someone you're not for the soul purpose of attracting a partner. If being yourself is what attracts someone, then it'll be easier and funner to be in said relationship. If you're doing a bunch of shit you normally wouldn't do, then it'll quickly become a chore and not worth the time.


----------



## Necris

Church, I have to ask, assuming you were to meet the woman of your dreams tomorrow and begin a relationship with her how quickly would you expect her to decide to "settle down" with you, exactly?

I ask because you could enter what you consider the "perfect" relationship and turn that person away by moving too quickly; even if they themselves have the same desire to settle down they may not move at the same pace as you.

Also, I guess, define what settling down is to you, now assume that your hypothetical girlfriends idea of settling down is different. How well would you handle that?


----------



## glassmoon0fo

To clerify, CC, I meant his job shouldn't be a turn off, especially when it's a damn good job. Not that women should stick with him because of his job. But I know what you meant.


----------



## russmuller

My girlfriend and I just celebrated our 5 year anniversary, but our relationship has been circling the drain for a few months now. We were different people when we started dating, and now our relationship seems to be a continual source of exhaustion and stress. It's not that we don't love each other, but we just don't understand or care about each others' needs. Here's an example:

I've always identified myself as a musician, and I used to practice for hours each day, write new music constantly, play shows around town with bands, etc... But I haven't written a new song in almost 4 years. I told her that I take this as a serious red flag that something in my life is wrong, and I've been trying to focus more on music because it's one of the few things that I truly love doing.

I told her that I wanted to take time each day to train and practice, to get my chops back up. Her response was, "What for? Like... why? What are you going to do once you're not rusty anymore?" I was floored that after 5 years together, she could so thoroughly misunderstand such an important part of my life. I tried to explain "It's kind of like working out. What are you doing to do when you get in shape? That's kind of a silly question. Why wouldn't you want to be in shape?" But she didn't get it.

At this point, she's getting antsy to get married, buy a house, and have kids. Buying a house is on my radar just beyond paying off my debt, but I'm more concerned with finishing my degree and developing my career. It just doesn't make sense to stay together anymore, and it makes me sad. Any advice you guys have for ending a long term relationship is appreciated.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

I have no experience with long term relationships, but if I where you I'd just tell her that the two of you want different things at this point in life. Since you said your relationship has been going down the tubes for a while, does your GF also feel that the relationship isn't going anywhere?


----------



## russmuller

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> I have no experience with long term relationships, but if I where you I'd just tell her that the two of you want different things at this point in life. Since you said your relationship has been going down the tubes for a while, does your GF also feel that the relationship isn't going anywhere?



Well the relationship was going somewhere, but now we both seem to have different ideas about where it should go. I think she wants to take the relationship "to the next level" because she feels societal pressure to do so, and I'm averse to doing things just because imaginary other people think that's what I'm "supposed" to do.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

russmuller said:


> Well the relationship was going somewhere, but now we both seem to have different ideas about where it should go. I think she wants to take the relationship "to the next level" because she feels societal pressure to do so, and I'm averse to doing things just because imaginary other people think that's what I'm "supposed" to do.


If you think she wants to "move things to the level" because of societal pressure then maybe you could get her to see things your way, that is if she's not adamant about marriage. I think it'd be beneficial for you two to have a talk about it and make it clear what you both want. That way you guys could compromise if your desires in the relationship aren't too different.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Time to build off of my previous post*takes deep breath.*

As always,I always have a tendency to screw up these types of things.I think my subconscious wants the undoing of me and promotes this defeatist behavior.Intuition and prior knowledge was supposed to be my sword and shield.My sword and shield told me to only contact her when I wanted to schedule a date,but I went against the grain.The same day I asked her out,I decided to text her to pass time while I was waiting for the shuttle.She gave good reaction time,and I mixed up texting instantly and waiting for about 10 minutes to reply(because I wanted to make this poor decision work).The next day,she replies back hours after my texts,and she never replied to my last one.I text her the next day thinking that maybe she just missed my text or something,but I never get a reply.

Before I call quits,I will see what happens in class.I'm infuriated at myself for messing this up.My gut feeling says that something came up;my mind says that she doesn't want anything else to do with me.Then again,my mind is what got me into this mess.To clarify,before any replies to this post,we have not gone on a date yet,so that does not mean that she made up her mind based on the date.

*Huffs*


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Pshaw... It could mean anything. So long as you don't text every little thin you do (ie: "hey gurl, I be poopin... What chu wearin'? How come you ain't respondin'? You hate me?") most people don't care about getting texts from aquaintences/friends. If they don't respond then they just didn't have a response or they didn't want to respond. I ignore texts all the time if I just don't feel like talking. It ain't no thing. 

Don't get ahead of yourself, basically. Could very easily be nothing.


----------



## flint757

relevant


----------



## Konfyouzd

Nothing of value to add... Just wanna say hi.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I guess it's time to meet new people. In the course of four days, all of the girls I had or thought I could have some potential with have fizzled out or straight up ended.

Time to be emo for a few days then get back out there. My college's club expo is tomorrow so maybe that will lead me towards some new ladies or friends in general.


----------



## asher

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> I guess it's time to meet new people. In the course of four days, all of the girls I had or thought I could have some potential with have fizzled out or straight up ended.
> 
> Time to be emo for a few days then get back out there. My college's club expo is tomorrow so maybe that will lead me towards some new ladies or friends in general.



Pretty sure this is where I am.

Which sucks, because I'd have to go out of my way JUST to meet new people. and I'm pretty uncomfortable doing that.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I want to join some clubs anyway because I realized I need to start doing some preparation for the future job I may want  this would just be a potential bonus.


----------



## asher

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> I want to join some clubs anyway because I realized I need to start doing some preparation for the future job I may want  this would just be a potential bonus.



Oh, yeah, absolutely.

But I graduated 2 years ago and my schedule is pretty much filled with work and fencing and a bit of socializing with a (generally good, but in this context, pretty damn tapped-out) group... so it'd be very deliberate to do and require some very new ground.


----------



## facepalm66

Funny question. 
There is this chick that got into me somewhat, and I kinda like her too, however I fear of chaining to her too much, or, more likely, her chaining to me. 
Also she doesn't provide the chesty eye candy I adore so much, so this is a serious thing. thanks for taking this seriously


----------



## Obsidian Soul

facepalm66 said:


> Funny question.
> There is this chick that got into me somewhat, and I kinda like her too, however I fear of chaining to her too much, or, more likely, her chaining to me.
> Also she doesn't provide the chesty eye candy I adore so much, so this is a serious thing. thanks for taking this seriously


Chaining?Do you mean attached?

Also,does bust size really matter that much?I take it you don't know this girl well enough to see past such miniscule shortcomings,or you don't like her that much.

If you're worried about getting too attached too soon,you can do like I should've done.Get her number,call about a couple of days later to discuss a time for a date,and abstain from contact with her until the date unless she contacts you.

As far as her getting too attached,I don't think you can help that.That's a "different strokes for different folks" thing.Although,in theory,the advice I gave in the previous paragraph is meant to bolster or preserve a female's interest.

So,do what I said.Take her for a date,and if you still like her or if you need more time to decide,take her on another date...


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Girl who decided that she wanted to go on a sexual hiatus and stop seeing me just sent me a snapchat of her having birthday drinks downtown with her ex boyfriend.

I'm so ....ing done.


----------



## MFB

Send her back a pic of you with a drink and a middle finger, it's clearly the only choice


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Believe me I want to but then she'd get mad at me for not letting her be open or some bull crap.


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

Somebody help me... incoming wall of text



Chapter 1 &#8211; I'm a Complete Moron in the Highest Degree


When I was 16 or 17 and in high school, I met a girl named Kelsey, she had just moved to the town. I thought she was mildly attractive, so I asked a mutual friend for her phone number... We started talking quite a bit, I liked her a lot, and she knew it; it was no secret... the feelings were mutual, as far as I know... We hangout a bit, &#8220;hook-up&#8221; a couple times... So I say alright, I'll just ask her if she wants to be my girlfriend. The very next day, I find out another mutual friend had done just that... I didn't even know what to feel, so I laughed at myself for being an idiot and shrugged it off. I had no intention of beating the piss out of the kid, he won the girl... I was more pissed at myself for not asking her sooner, and even angrier at her for even talking to two people at once...


I'm over it in a couple days, and not really thinking about it... Kelsey and I still stayed in contact, almost as if nothing had happened. Fast forward a couple months, she breaks up with the no longer mutual friend, Landon. Kelsey and I hang out a lot again, and start talking again... during this period of time we got together and broke up about 3+ times... every single time being my fault. I'd lose my temper over extremely stupid instances... (I was in the process of quitting tobacco snuff/chew... withdrawls); lapsed time: about 4 months. 


So after the last &#8220;break-up&#8221;, (I put it in quotations because we never actually told each other it was over, it was more of an implied ending) we stopped talking for about a couple weeks maybe... To which she tells me we should just be good friends, and not add in the relationship part. I was fed up with the on/off just as much as she was, so I agreed... not realizing the trap I had set myself in... I was just friend zoned... pretty bad.


Chapter 2 &#8211; Kelsey and Earl


Fast forward 6 months, Kelsey gets into a relationship with a guy named Earl, whom I was also pretty good friends with before their relationship... (It's a somewhat small town in Florida, most folk know most people). Earl corrupts Kelsey to the point of Kelsey not even knowing who she was anymore. Earl stole her virginity with drugs, convinced her do cocaine and other drugs to which she did. This is a period in her life where I play a role of just being there when she needed someone to talk to, she confided many details of their relationship with me... and I didn't care quite frankly, I had no attraction to her at this point in time anyways... the wanting out of the friend-zone didn't exist...


Four months or so into their relationship, things are taking a turn for the worst... Kelsey is forced to Georgia for a couple of weeks to visit her relatives... during this point in time, Earl is very unfaithful... or so I've heard. Upon Kelsey getting back, she finds out before I had a chance to tell her, and to &#8220;get back&#8221; at Earl, has sex with a complete stranger who is good friends with Earl. 


With all this going on, Kelsey's mother finds out about all the drug use, sex, and alcohol that goes on between Kelsey and Earl... and forces Kelsey to move &#8220;permanently&#8221; to Georgia. At this point, she cuts ties with everybody, including me... she deletes all social media, moved to Georgia, and disappears off the face of the planet for her friends and I. I was simply just a friend she confided in, and I had no feelings for her at all at this point, so it never mattered to me much... I accepted losing her, and moved on with my life.


Chapter 3 &#8211; Slightly Less Useful Information, but Still Necessary, I Think...


It had turned out, after a period of about 9 months, her mother allowed her to move back to Florida. Except, she didn't tell a living soul she was coming back. She got a job and made friends at her work, who didn't know who she was, and did online homeschooling. She meets more guys than I know of, I'm sure... And eventually, a mutual friend between Kelsey and I, spot Kelsey and the mutual friend knowing that Kelsey and I were supposedly &#8220;best friends&#8221;, the mutual friend informed me. 


Well, I didn't care. Time passes, and slowly, very slowly, she starts communicating with old friends again... only a select few, and I was unfortunately one of them. Kelsey and I start talking a lot, hanging out a couple times, and I knew to not develop feelings for her, at all, because we were just friends when she left, so we must still be when she's back, and nothing more.


Then silence, for longer than I feel like even counting, not as long as her Georgia trip, but long enough for me to remember it. I don't see her around, nor do I talk to her much at all. We're both out of high school by this time, so I don't even talk to mutual friends at all to ask about her, I just go to work every day and live my life alone. 


Chapter 4 &#8211; Kelsey Meets Mike


So slowly and randomly, Kelsey and I text message each other... and after about 5 months of that, we hangout again for the first time... and we have all but zero mutual friends any longer. She talks to none of her old friends she had from high school and neither do I... But we have one slight difference, most of her friends now... the males, are major partiers, who go into the bar she works at and are plenty older than she is... One guy in particular, she talks about mostly, his name is Mike. 


She tells me about her new friends, and this guy Mike. Her description of Mike is every bit appalling of a man you could ever imagine your friend dating. After talking about Mike for close to half an hour, she exclaims that she would never date a man like him anyways, but that he's fun to hang out with. I say OK, cool, doesn't matter to me anyways...


Chapter 5 &#8211; Where Kelsey and I Stand Today... My Problem...


Kelsey and I exchange text messages every now and then, we both work a massive amount... and then on top of it she goes to college at the same time, so there's not much room for us to chat anyways. By this time, she hangs out with Mike, never. Mike moved to Virginia, and that was the end of him... which happened about 2 months ago from today. However, I do know they still stay in contact. Kelsey tells me about how annoyed she gets when Mike calls her, but she picks up the phone anyways.


Anyways, Kelsey and I hangout every other weekend about... and the passed couple times have been slightly more romantic than I ever imagined they would get... and when I say that I mean atmosphere, not so much actions.


The time before last, she came over to my house and we hung out, drank a few beers (maybe 3)... and then she asked me if I still played guitar, I said sure I do... Then she asked if she could see them, I say OK, and we leave the living room and go back to my room. She walks in to my room and immediately just lays down on my bed... myself being tired, I follow suit. We crack jokes, and hang out laying in my bed, when Mike calls her. She puts him on speakerphone so I can listen in... This m0therfvcker is the biggest asshole you could ever listen to. He talks about himself and his day to no end, and nobody gives a shit. She puts the phone down and lets him talk to himself while Kelsey and I just talk shit about the guy. Eventually he stops and I say wow dude, cool story. And before Kelsey can say anything he replies back, &#8220;Haha, yeah... Hey Glenn! You better not let anyone else there .... my girl, that pussy is mine!&#8221;... I tell him to go .... himself and that she can do what she wants... which I guess he took that as a joke or something caused he just laughed it off... Kelsey then hung up the phone, and cuddled the life out of me, quite intimately... to which we both fall asleep and wake up several hours later.. when we wake up, she heads home as she has school the next morning... I walk her to the front door, and give her a hug goodbye... Thing is, she never denies having sex with Mike.... and I can only imagine how many times they did... which irritates me, to say the least. But Mike had moved to Virginia a time before that phone call. Label me as a conservative crazy man, or whatever you must, but I find it very, very wrong; having sex outside of a relationship, or anywhere near the beginning of a relationship. And no, I am not a virgin. 


When I wake up the next morning, I try my hardest to think absolutely nothing of the night before... and to do that, I simply just don't text her or message her in any way. 


A couple weeks pass (this just past Saturday to be exact) and she texts me to ask what I doing, I tell her just that... hanging out at my friends house playing horseshoes all day and drinking copious about of beer. She then calls me and gets frustrated with me and asks me several times angrily why I never called her to hang out that weekend or the previous one... The only response I can muster out of my mouth is, &#8220;uh, has it really been that long since we last hung out?&#8221; She says &#8220;Yes, it has been...&#8221;, to which I simply just ask her &#8220;Alright, want me to come pick you up then&#8221;? She says yes and then I go and pick her up, there's that...


Well, we get word of a party out in the woods on my friends farm just like every Saturday night, and we all at my friends house decide to go... Kelsey doesn't know anybody there, as most of the folk there are friends of mine whom Kelsey doesn't know... Kelsey rode with me alone, just like when I went to go pick her up, and we had a lot of fun on the drive there... singing songs, laughing, taking pictures together, most of which she posts to social media, with exclamations such as &#8220;My one and only lurve&#8221;, featuring hearts and couples emojis, and such... I had an absolute blast just on the ride to say the least anyways... Let it be known that by this time most of the beer was wearing off, and I had a slight hangover more than anything anways... We stop by a general store on the way there and I pick up a 6 pack of beer just for while were at the bonfire, Kelsey and I end up splitting the 6 pack evenly among us. 


We hang out at the bonfire for a while, by now it's about 3am and most folk had left... just a few friends left... Kelsey and I hangout on the tailgate of my truck, just hangout out, and then she hugs me, and we fall back on our backs in the truck bed, staring at the stars... It was like something out of a fvcking movie, you couldn't have made it more surreal... My heart was racing, and at this point I realized, I really, really, like this woman. We were cuddling like a few weeks before, now staring at the stars by bonfire light... A couple friends had saw and just yelled &#8220;aww how cute!&#8221;, I just yelled back .... off! and Kelsey laughed... 


So that went on for a few moments of time, and eventually she asked me to take her home and so I did just that... 



Chapter 6 &#8211; What Now?


So now I ask you guys for help... because I don't know what the .... has overcome me, but I really like her now, but am beyond scared to mention ANYTHING to her, for fear it would end what relationship we have now... Because sure, even though I don't get anything physically out of it, nor would I want it.. I just want to spend time with her more, and I have this fear that if I tell her how I feel, I won't get to hang out with her anymore... I feel so fvcking helpless I felt all I could do is write it out. 


I tried texting her today.. just small talk, but no responses all day... I don't think much of it, she's more busy than I am in her day. 


So I need to ask a few questions:
Should I feel angry and/or concerned for the future, about her somewhat recent but past sex-life?
Do you guys think she has ANY romantic attraction to me at all? 



And lastly... do you guys think she is completely crazy? For the past 5-6 years that I've known her (This whole wall of text), I have felt like she plays psychological games with me, on purpose... but at the same time, how can she? She's smart... but not _that_ smart. 


I don't even know what to do. Somebody advise me, before I do something stupid.


----------



## KristapsCoCoo

facepalm66 said:


> Funny question.
> There is this chick that got into me somewhat, and I kinda like her too, however I fear of chaining to her too much, or, more likely, her chaining to me.
> Also she doesn't provide the chesty eye candy I adore so much, so this is a serious thing. thanks for taking this seriously



Hey, bra&#316;ukas, nice to see someone from nearby in here!


----------



## asher

> Should I feel angry and/or concerned for the future, about her somewhat recent but past sex-life?


 
This question is not helpful. The better question is "*are* you angry and/or concerned?" and is something that only you can answer; it's also very relevant to how you might need to proceed.


----------



## MFB

ZT, don't worry about the past sex stuff. If she cleans, and you're the only one she's coming home to then that's what matters. I'd be more concerned with how easily she tends to have that happen since it sounded like it was a slippery slope, but that might just be how it sounds since that's how it's presented/cold-hard numbers. Time is a funny thing when written vs. lived, so who am I to know?

As for the attraction part, I'd say it's definitely physical so that's something, and I'd wager if you guys weren't so busy and were able to hang out more it'd be able to lead to the other kind as well (provided it's not already there)


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

MFB said:


> ZT, don't worry about the past sex stuff. If she cleans, and you're the only one she's coming home to then that's what matters. I'd be more concerned with how easily she tends to have that happen since it sounded like it was a slippery slope, but that might just be how it sounds since that's how it's presented/cold-hard numbers. Time is a funny thing when written vs. lived, so who am I to know?
> 
> As for the attraction part, I'd say it's definitely physical so that's something, and I'd wager if you guys weren't so busy and were able to hang out more it'd be able to lead to the other kind as well (provided it's not already there)



Yeah... I can tell you it was a _very_ slippery slope. 
As for her being attracted to me, one thing I forgot to mention... she is probably a 7.5-8/10 appearance, I'm literally like a 4/10. I'm a pretty ugly dude... I don't know _how_ she could possibly be attracted to me, unless my self-esteem is really that low... Which I doubt.



asher said:


> This question is not helpful. The better question is "*are* you angry and/or concerned?" and is something that only you can answer; it's also very relevant to how you might need to proceed.



I guess she's free to do as she pleases... it doesn't really anger me. I really don't know how I feel about it...

I need a beer. .....


----------



## Explorer

@UG - Sorry that I called this one.

However, now you know how mean she can be on a whim. Cut all ties and don't get pulled in again. 

Zero Tolerance - It sounds like she has some issues. You'll be better off pursuing someone who doesn't run around so much and doesn't have drug issues. Remember, she chose and stayed in a situation with chaos and drugs. Let her go up or down, and find someone who is more in your range of non-erraticism.


----------



## MFB

ZeroTolerance94 said:


> As for her being attracted to me, one thing I forgot to mention... she is probably a 7.5-8/10 appearance, I'm literally like a 4/10. I'm a pretty ugly dude... I don't know _how_ she could possibly be attracted to me, unless my self-esteem is really that low... Which I doubt.



Don't worry about that, I'm pretty sure every guys says that, I give myself a 3/10 and the girl that I was talking to before - and have been friends with for going on 4 years now - is easily an 8.5, yet I thought she was attracted to me (might still be but that's another can of worms) and I never understood why. From what I've heard female friends say, apparently personality DOES count for something, but to me it doesn't count _that_ much, no matter what way you split it.


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

Explorer said:


> You'll be better off pursuing someone who doesn't run around so much and doesn't have drug issues. Remember, she chose and stayed in a situation with chaos and drugs. Let her go up or down, and find someone who is more in your range of non-erraticism.



I should have mentioned also, since she came back from Georgia post-Earl, she doesn't do drugs anymore at all, and sparingly drinks... She just chose to hang-out with some guys that came into the bar she works at, and I guess .... them a time or two, or three, or four... 

But as far as I know, she doesn't hang out with any of them anymore, not since Mike moved to Virginia.

Which is why I really don't know what to do at this point. If she was still having sex aka "hanging out" with folk that she met at work, aka Mike, I would do exactly what your saying... But .... man... I've always forced myself never to develop feelings for this girl again, and the ONE time it happens... it's even worse than the first time.


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

Sitting here thinking about it... This would be great if I didn't know her since she moved here to Florida... If I had _just_ met her, and she was acting like she is now... I would swear she was into me. 

It's like impossible to even comprehend dating, or anything like that, a girl I've known for so long... 5 or 6 years may not be that long, but it's still a 1/4 of her and I's life... As much as I'm falling for her now, I still can't even comprehend, or even imagine, dating a girl like her... 

I need to just drink more beer and suck up my sorrows. If she wants more out of me she'll have to tell me herself, straight forward, no hints, none of that. I would need to know, word for word. 

Until then, thanks for the help guys... writing everything out really helps sometimes.


----------



## Explorer

Look, the fact is, you thought it worth mentioning that she was having sex, and your enumeration of how many times is a clear indicator that would be an issue. 

Her style and yours are not compatible, from what you write.

Instead of drinking, why not practice guitar? Then you'll have a few more dollars in your pocket, and will improve your skills, enabling you to impress someone down the road.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Explorer said:


> @UG - Sorry that I called this one.
> 
> However, now you know how mean she can be on a whim. Cut all ties and don't get pulled in again.



Yeah, I will. I don't know when to let people go, it's a problem I have. I'll keep them just within reach to talk to if I feel down or desperate. I need to learn how to just cut someone out of my life.

This also brings me to ask why The Acacia Strain is not on my iPod for situations like this.


----------



## Wings of Obsidian

I just had something I wanted to post here.

So, I added this chick who lives in my city on Facebook. Based on the shit I've seen in my news feed from her in the past few days, here is what I can gather:
- she's my age (we were both born the same year, college age)
- she recently got married (like VERY recently)
- she just got divorced (finalized and signed like two days ago)
- she is moving to another city and running off with the money she has gotten from her husband and the divorce
- she potentially plans to do it again (her choice of word execution and some stuff she has posted hint at it)

Now, I know that I could be misinterpreting as I am not said person and I don't know all the details. She could've been genuinely unhappy in that really short time. Or she could just be a stupid kid (as many of us are when we are young). But I was joking around online and linked a buddy to her profile and he agreed 100% with my assumptions based on the shit she's said and done. (I'm sure if I could screenshot some of the stuff to you all, you might have a tendency to agree with me.) There are woman who do what she does to make a living ("professionally"), right? Marry in for money, ditch and run with the cash.

Anyway, I think that about summarizes the extent of a relationship for many young people of my generation nowadays. They merely just don't understand what a relationship is.


----------



## asher

Wings of Obsidian said:


> I just had something I wanted to post here.
> 
> So, I added this chick who lives in my city on Facebook. Based on the shit I've seen in my news feed from her in the past few days, here is what I can gather:
> - she's my age (we were both born the same year, college age)
> - she recently got married (like VERY recently)
> - she just got divorced (finalized and signed like two days ago)
> - she is moving to another city and running off with the money she has gotten from her husband and the divorce
> - she potentially plans to do it again (her choice of word execution and some stuff she has posted hint at it)
> 
> Now, I know that I could be misinterpreting as I am not said person and I don't know all the details. She could've been genuinely unhappy in that really short time. Or she could just be a stupid kid (as many of us are when we are young). But I was joking around online and linked a buddy to her profile and he agreed 100% with my assumptions based on the shit she's said and done. (I'm sure if I could screenshot some of the stuff to you all, you might have a tendency to agree with me.) There are woman who do what she does to make a living ("professionally"), right? Marry in for money, ditch and run with the cash.
> 
> Anyway, I think that about summarizes the extent of a relationship for many young people of my generation nowadays. They merely just don't understand what a relationship is.











Some, probably. Many, I find highly suspect.


----------



## Wings of Obsidian

Figured it's about time I swing a post for here.

Ok so, my question is: how do you approach a young lady in the workplace (who is not your co-worker) and initiate conversation with her if you find her pretty darn attractive?

Before you all say, "just walk up and say 'hi', dude", let me try to explain.

This young lady works up front as a cashier. (So a manager or key or customer service someone is always upfront monitoring, which makes it hard for me to just walk up and say "hi" and take up some of her time since she's a cashier.) To clarify, I do not work for the store, just in the facilities itself since I am an independently contracted worker.

What makes this a little weird for me is that I catch this girl always awkwardly looking at me. And I can't ever tell if it's:
1.) because she thinks I'm cute or attractive as well
2.) because she thinks I'm a total creep or I make her nervous or uncomfortable (a lot of people who don't know me tend to misjudge me because I don't talk much or ever have anything to say when I'm working)
3.) she just wants the D 

Or maybe it's just a coincidence or happenstance that I catch her because I'm always working a lot, she works a bit (I don't know her schedule since I'm not a store employee), and it's just......BLAH! I just want to say "hi" damn it!

I just don't want to make it awkward or uncomfortable since it's a "workplace" thing and we work in the same store facilities. (Could potentially risk getting me into trouble, ya know?)


----------



## Cabinet

Wings of Obsidian said:


> Figured it's about time I swing a post for here.
> 
> Ok so, my question is: how do you approach a young lady in the workplace (who is not your co-worker) and initiate conversation with her if you find her pretty darn attractive?
> 
> Before you all say, "just walk up and say 'hi', dude", let me try to explain.
> 
> This young lady works up front as a cashier. (So a manager or key or customer service someone is always upfront monitoring, which makes it hard for me to just walk up and say "hi" and take up some of her time since she's a cashier.) To clarify, I do not work for the store, just in the facilities itself since I am an independently contracted worker.
> 
> What makes this a little weird for me is that I catch this girl always awkwardly looking at me. And I can't ever tell if it's:
> 1.) because she thinks I'm cute or attractive as well
> 2.) because she thinks I'm a total creep or I make her nervous or uncomfortable (a lot of people who don't know me tend to misjudge me because I don't talk much or ever have anything to say when I'm working)
> 3.) she just wants the D
> 
> Or maybe it's just a coincidence or happenstance that I catch her because I'm always working a lot, she works a bit (I don't know her schedule since I'm not a store employee), and it's just......BLAH! I just want to say "hi" damn it!
> 
> I just don't want to make it awkward or uncomfortable since it's a "workplace" thing and we work in the same store facilities. (Could potentially risk getting me into trouble, ya know?)



Be relaxed and have fun. Tell her about those awkward glances you guys have been exchanging. "Hey I wanted to come over and say hi. We've been exchanging these glances and I'm all 'so does she think I'm cute? Is there something stuck in my teeth? Do I have rabbit ears?"
Joke about yourself, make fun of the situation. Small talk isn't bad, hobbies are a great way to help her learn about you, and you learn about her. Talk about music and a new song you're trying to learn, or a technique you're working on.


----------



## Wings of Obsidian

asher said:


> Pretty sure this is where I am.
> 
> Which sucks, because I'd have to go out of my way JUST to meet new people. and I'm pretty uncomfortable doing that.


His post (the original one you quoted) pretty much sums of both of us at this point, asher. 



Cabinet said:


> Be relaxed and have fun. Tell her about those awkward glances you guys have been exchanging. "Hey I wanted to come over and say hi. We've been exchanging these glances and I'm all 'so does she think I'm cute? Is there something stuck in my teeth? Do I have rabbit ears?"
> Joke about yourself, make fun of the situation. Small talk isn't bad, hobbies are a great way to help her learn about you, and you learn about her. Talk about music and a new song you're trying to learn, or a technique you're working on.


Darn good advice. I don't think she'd be interested in "hobbies" or my musical exploits though. (even my closest friends don't give a shit that I'm making decent beginning steps in my musical pathway.) But "hobbies" seems like a weird conversation starter. I mean, she doesn't even know me and I don't know her. And like I said, she's a cashier and I'm doing my thing in the other parts of the store's facilities. So it's not like either of us can burn 5-10 minutes standing around and talking, which makes it really hard.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I guess it's over.I'm through with trying to gain some progress in the love department.I don't feel like going through everything,but I felt some way about this:

Me:Call me back when you're not busy
Her:lol why

I guess it's back to the gallows with me...


----------



## Explorer

Wings of Obsidian said:


> So, I added this chick who lives in my city on Facebook. (chaotic details ensue.)



So here's my suggestion. 

Unfriend her. 

Why do you want to be the kind of person who gets a thrill from watching her trainwreck, when you could be spending that effort on people who are more worth it?

I've dumped friends from my life who made chaos their lifestyle. I decided to spend my time and life on better things, and it really cleared up a lot of unnecessary hassle. 

Regarding the person in your workplace...

"I've been meaning to ask you... you just strike me as having an artistic side. I don't know what it is, just a feeling. Do you play music or sing? What do you do?" You've made the conversation about her, and have been complementary. You've introduced the music things. You're interested in *her*. Be the one who wants to hear what she has inside. 

Obsidian: Why indeed? That situation is done. Move on.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

2 days the forums down and this was the thread I missed the most


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Explorer said:


> Obsidian: Why indeed? That situation is done. Move on.


I don't want to go through the whole fiasco of trying to explain because there are some parts I don't even remember,but I could ask the same question.Perhaps maybe she was dishonest when she said sure to my request.Maybe I shouldn't have texted her.She implies that she doesn't want to deal with me anymore with that text,but there is no reason why.It's like coming home one day and your mom or gf or whoever you stay with just sits your belongings outside.

I will confirm that she was with that guy that I think is her friend when I called(Was he ever mentioned in any of my past posts?).I think he may have some affiliation with what happened.He's going to be in my class this morning too.He always admires this Caucasian female in class,but I know she has a bf.To my knowledge,I don't think he knows that.That's why I think they have a different relationship than bf and gf unless he intends on cheating on her.

Again,I didn't really explain what happened,but I'm intrigued about whether this guy has something to do with this or has some affiliation with S beyond friends.I haven't even eaten anything in the past day,and I'm still not really hungry.I am just flabbergasted that this happened so suddenly...


----------



## Wings of Obsidian

Obsidian Soul said:


> Again,I didn't really explain what happened,but I'm intrigued about whether this guy has something to do with this or has some affiliation with S beyond friends.I haven't even eaten anything in the past day,and I'm still not really hungry.I am just flabbergasted that this happened so suddenly...


They are beyond friends. Don't deny it.

In the meantime, a fellow "Obsidian" brother from NC. I'm here for ya!


----------



## TheHandOfStone

There are enough rocks posting in this thread for us to build a golem. 

Anyway, hi. 23-y.o. social recluse dropping by to say "at least you _have_ romantic problems."


----------



## Obsidian Soul

TheHandOfStone said:


> There are enough rocks posting in this thread for us to build a golem.
> 
> Anyway, hi. 23-y.o. social recluse dropping by to say "at least you _have_ romantic problems."


If you go out and ask a girl out right now,you would have already done as much as me.
I also could count on one hand how many friends I have.
I am getting better at handling my social anxiety,but I can't ever have a conversation anymore without thinking of something to say.When I was a little tike,conversations could flow.Now,I'm just a stuttering awkward manchild


----------



## Explorer

@ObsidianSoul - If there are things which you like and which you can use to connect with others, I recommend doing so. 

I sometimes go to a boardgame night I discovered on Craigslist. I talk with people in video stores, getting (or asking for) and giving recommendations when someone is holding something relating to my interests.

Just get accustomed to making small talk. It's all part of harnessing the power of the Tao of Steve:


 Be excellent.
 Be desireless.
 Be gone.
You do something which shows something about you, either your thoughtful opinion, your guitar playing, your sense of humor.. You show this thing to someone, possibly connecting... but you don't pursue. You aren't someone who is trying to make it happen, which puts you into a different class from most guys. And then you split, without ever attempting to close the deal. 

What's hilarious is, I have never consciously used the Tao of Steve, but my female friends have told me that women ask them about me. I'm not handsome by any standard, so that's not it. (In fact, more than one person I've been involved with has confessed to not knowing what it is that I have, but it's definitely not in the looks department. ) However, since I'm genuinely interested in what people have to say, even cashiers, clerks, people in all kinds of jobs, I think it has to do with me making people feel like someone is interested in them, and perhaps for a lot of folks, that is a rare experience. 

Being interested in people pays off. Saying, "Hello! Good morning!" does a lot to make someone notice how *you* make them feel. It makes their day a better place, and that is its own reward.

Once you get comfortable with just connecting in smaller ways, it gets easier *and less urgent* to make a meaningful connection. That lack of urgency goes right to the second step of the Tao of Steve.


----------



## Wings of Obsidian

I really gotta find a way to approach the girl I wanna talk to...


----------



## Explorer

I thought I had a suggestion on that for you two posts ago....


----------



## Wings of Obsidian

Explorer said:


> I thought I had a suggestion on that for you two posts ago....


Ah...my bad. I thought that the entire post was directed at ObsidianSoul. (So I skimmed over it. Reading back now.)


----------



## UnderTheSign

ZeroTolerance94 said:


> Yeah... I can tell you it was a _very_ slippery slope.
> As for her being attracted to me, one thing I forgot to mention... she is probably a 7.5-8/10 appearance, I'm literally like a 4/10. I'm a pretty ugly dude... I don't know _how_ she could possibly be attracted to me, unless my self-esteem is really that low... Which I doubt.


Judging by this post it might be. Rating yourself isn't exactly an accurate measure to go by.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

TheHandOfStone said:


> There are enough rocks posting in this thread for us to build a golem.
> 
> Anyway, hi. 23-y.o. social recluse dropping by to say "at least you _have_ romantic problems."



Consider yourself lucky. There is no such thing as a problem more trivial that has such a profound impact on happiness and quality of life. Seriously, romance is such a non-necessity and people (myself included) bend themselves so far out of shape about it and it ruins lives. 

Even happy relationships have down points, and those down points always suck more than they need to. Enjoy your time alive regardless of if you have someone to share it with yet or not.


----------



## Church2224

Chokey Chicken said:


> Consider yourself lucky. There is no such thing as a problem more trivial that has such a profound impact on happiness and quality of life. Seriously, romance is such a non-necessity and people (myself included) bend themselves so far out of shape about it and it ruins lives.
> 
> Even happy relationships have down points, and those down points always suck more than they need to. Enjoy your time alive regardless of if you have someone to share it with yet or not.



I have discovered this. The more you date, try to date, or even chase after any one the more unhappy you become. 

Seriously, has any one else taken a break and/ or given up on the dating scene? I need a break from the B.S. and just want to let it go. 

Sometimes I wish a device existed to extract certain aspects of our lives out of our minds so they no longer existed inside of us. 

The reason I am saying this is that I just discovered my ex who I was trying to get back together with and one of my close buddies have been dating behind my back and now they want nothing to do with me. I want to spare myself the pain again.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Yo Church, I agree. I end up just getting depressed so often lately over girls. Even if I'm not dating them, if they hint that we could have something and then just take it back for no reason but then keep talking to you, I hate that. It just makes me sad. I just wanna say "hey just come sit and talk and laugh and cuddle me please" but no, it can never be that simple. There's always some catch, and usually they'll just do something with you to make you think they care or they're going to care, but they don't.

I feel used sometimes and it makes me feel terrible knowing I've used people. But being in college, you can't swear girls off and just stay that way. They're always here, there's always something, and it's ridiculous.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Chokey Chicken said:


> Consider yourself lucky. There is no such thing as a problem more trivial that has such a profound impact on happiness and quality of life. Seriously, romance is such a non-necessity and people (myself included) bend themselves so far out of shape about it and it ruins lives.
> 
> Even happy relationships have down points, and those down points always suck more than they need to. Enjoy your time alive regardless of if you have someone to share it with yet or not.


----------



## MFB

Church2224 said:


> Seriously, has any one else taken a break and/ or given up on the dating scene? I need a break from the B.S. and just want to let it go.



Yeah, totally. I haven't "given up" on dating, it's just that I don't actively pursue it and if someone comes into my life in a manner which I think it's a viable option and would like to pursue it, then sure I'll entertain the idea (I say this because I know it won't happen) but aside from that I have no drive or desire to force myself into a romantic endeavor the sake of one.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Church2224 said:


> I have discovered this. The more you date, try to date, or even chase after any one the more unhappy you become.
> 
> Seriously, has any one else taken a break and/ or given up on the dating scene? I need a break from the B.S. and just want to let it go.
> 
> Sometimes I wish a device existed to extract certain aspects of our lives out of our minds so they no longer existed inside of us.
> 
> The reason I am saying this is that I just discovered my ex who I was trying to get back together with and one of my close buddies have been dating behind my back and now they want nothing to do with me. I want to spare myself the pain again.


Despite what it may seem like,I have only asked out three people in the entirety of my life.After I tried asking out the first girl(junior year of high school),I waited almost an entire year before asking out the second girl(senior year of high school).I had no intentions on dating this quarter though;I wanted to take time to adjust to my new environment and scope out everybody to see what type of people I would be dealing with.However,during one of the events the college had(before I started college),I saw her,and something drew me to her even though I didn't know what it was at the time.

Now,I'm on hiatus again,and I am aiming for a much longer time than before.There's not that many other females I find attractive here anyways.Plus,it is apparent that dating is one of my weakest skills,so I guess I have to wait for a girly to come to me,which is a pipe dream.


----------



## Explorer

I understand taking a break.

I went through a situation where I found out someone had lied to me for a long time. That person claimed to have changed, and I gave it another shot. And then it turned out that it was the same situation of lies.

I took that break, and I looked at how I was choosing these people. I had been cheated on more than once, but besides the cheating, the one thing all those situations had in common was me.

So I did the work in therapy, figured out why I was deliberately overlooking signs of dishonesty, and worked out strategies to catch the dishonesty at the start. I got rid of those who regularly used dishonesty as a tool in their lives. I went out on dates with folks from online dating avenues, and found out that there was quite a bit of dishonesty floating around. But it gave me great practice. 

Take the time you need. But I suggest you treat yourself like a campground, and I hope that you manage to do some work to leave yourself a little better on the other side then you found yourself. 

Good luck!


----------



## flint757

My life and situation is just too ....ed up to date. I tend to take other peoples feelings too much into account and I know that I would never want to date someone in my situation so I tend to come to the conclusion that there is just no point. I have a hard enough time managing my own life much less someone else's so why would I even bother. That's my thought process anyhow. 

It also seems that I attract people with emotional trauma of some sort. I've got nothing against someone with health issues as I've got my fair share of mental and physical health problems, but I don't feel a strong desire to take on someone else's issues with my own or even to be bombarded with someone else's depression or whatever on a regular basis. Just can't handle it honestly. All it does is bring me down, but that's about the only fish I ever catch it seems. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Pretty much why I stopped dating awhile back.

Not looking for advice really. Mostly just ranting.


----------



## cwhitey2

The girl I mentioned a couple pages ago (she like a sales rep and stops by like every-other week for those who dont know)....i finally got the balls to ask her out to lunch. 

AND SHE SAID YES. 


Where it goes from here idk  hopefully another meetup.


After my last gf left me i haven't even really thought about talking to another girl for a long while, but when opportunity calls!


----------



## asher




----------



## Konfyouzd

Explorer said:


> I went out on dates with folks from online dating avenues, and found out that there was quite a bit of dishonesty floating around.



I've found that these are typically the worst when it comes to whether or not you can actually believe what they have to say. And I imagine a lot of them assume that I'm being just as dishonest as they are thereby justifying it.

I'm not gonna quit dating, but I'm gonna quit bobbing for apples in that particular tub...


----------



## Konfyouzd

flint757 said:


> My life and situation is just too ....ed up to date. I tend to take other peoples feelings too much into account and I know that I would never want to date someone in my situation so I tend to come to the conclusion that there is just no point. I have a hard enough time managing my own life much less someone else's so why would I even bother. That's my thought process anyhow.
> 
> It also seems that I attract people with emotional trauma of some sort. I've got nothing against someone with health issues as I've got my fair share of mental and physical health problems, but I don't feel a strong desire to take on someone else's issues with my own or even to be bombarded with someone else's depression or whatever on a regular basis. Just can't handle it honestly. All it does is bring me down, but that's about the only fish I ever catch it seems. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Pretty much why I stopped dating awhile back.
> 
> Not looking for advice really. Mostly just ranting.



Ya know... I periodically feel this way too.

I don't always clean as often as I feel I should. Sometimes I'm tired. Sometimes I'm just fvckin' lazy. And I think... Why would a woman wanna be with someone this lazy? But I dunno if I really *am* that lazy to be honest. I do a lot. But we're always harder on ourselves about what we perceive to be our own shortcomings.

The fact of the matter is that I, like you, only seem to attract the emotionally damaged. I'm actually a relatively stable person despite my periodic emotional ups an downs. And I think some ppl see that as meaning I have a strong back for carrying baggage. Ehh... Not so much. That sort of thing brings us all down.

I'm willing to help someone in tackling their issues despite my own, but not when they show no signs of wanting to actually get better. These are the people that will wear you down. The ones that talk about how hard x, y and z are for them and how much they want it to be different, yet they make no effort to change ANYTHING whatsoever.

If you're unhappy in your life, it stands to reason that some variable needs changing, no? Those that can't persevere in the face of adversity will always be left behind dealing with me. 

That said, part of me feels like an asshole every time. Like there's probably more I could have done had I simply had more patience. And often those types of ppl will make you feel that way. But if you truly care for someone the way they care for you, wouldn't you make the effort to be someone for which less patience is required? Particularly when that person goes so far out of their way in an attempt to better your quality of life?

Something tells me the type of women that play the emotional damage card are *sometimes* just selfish ppl that know they can use "having a hard life" as an excuse.


----------



## cwhitey2

Konfyouzd said:


> I've found that these are typically the worst when it comes to whether or not you can actually believe what they have to say. And I imagine a lot of them assume that I'm being just as dishonest as they are thereby justifying it.
> 
> I'm not gonna quit dating, but I'm gonna quit bobbing for apples in that particular tub...




2 gf's ago i dated a girl i met online ( for about 6 months). Totally regret breaking up with her....she was _....ing _awesome.

Not all are crazy or broken on a dating site. The problem is that 95% of them are...or have kids  Just sift through the _shit _and you might find gold


----------



## asher

I've considered it a little but I really don't think I have the energy to deal with that right now.


----------



## Konfyouzd

cwhitey2 said:


> 2 gf's ago i dated a girl i met online ( for about 6 months). Totally regret breaking up with her....she was _....ing _awesome.
> 
> Not all are crazy or broken on a dating site. The problem is that 95% of them are...or have kids  Just sift through the _shit _and you might find gold



Yup... Majority are a little crazy and present themselves as the most fun and wonderful person you'll ever meet. A lot of others have kids that they either wait to tell you about or they just have WAY too many and the profile says something like "Looking to get married".

And then anything that doesn't seem to fall into one of those categories is skiddish as fvck like every dude on there is a predator. Why are you there, then? 

I have yet to find a cool one. 

Hell I got blocked by one chick for saying hi to her. 

Well that's not the full story... Her profile said she was a professional glitter sprinkler and I just had to know what that was. So I messaged her to ask what exactly a professional glitter sprinkler does and how one gets into that line of work. Then she blocked me without even telling me. 

Another thing I've found common is that a lot of the profiles I look at say they specifically want a white man. And that's come from a lot of different races, not just white chicks. I dunno what that's all about either. White dudes are just in high demand in my area. I was told once by a black chick, though, that she doesn't date black men because they never end up going anywhere. I think I need to get out of this city.


----------



## Explorer

Konfyouzd said:


> I'm not gonna quit dating, but I'm gonna quit bobbing for apples in that particular tub...



There is something to be said for having the initial interactions in real life. 

My current relationship started because I just wanted to get out and see this particular action movie, and no one I knew was interested. I put an ad on the local Craigslist in the Strictly Platonic section, got a response which didn't immediately go into the logistics of sex, we went to the movie and then grabbed a meal... and then comes those conversations like, "Was that really so long ago? I can't believe this is because I answered a Craigslist ad! I wasn't looking for a relationship!" And neither was I, remember? 

BTW, when I've been on dating websites, I set my preferences to filter out those who only ask for specific races. That way they never even showed up in my results. A friend of mine (black) was told by some woman that he was too white because he had a college degree. It turned out she thought "black" meant "poor English and a violent thug<' and she had a fetish for that kind of thing. I prefer not to know people who go out with certain folks because they have a fetish.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I didn't know you could filter those people out. I usually end up reading it in the "About Me" section. And yes... That last thing you described, I see it alot. A lot of chicks that "like black guys" want you to be all the things rappers talk about and that's just ri-goddamn-diculous... I--like you--actively avoid women that seem to specifically target black dudes. I actually got a response once on Craigslist from a Chinese girl who had apparently JUST gotten here from China and for some reason was all about black people. Like within the first few lines of her email she said "I messaged you because you said you're black."

It was that easy?

And what a weird thing to say... I figured it had something to do with how you phrase things in Mandarin vs English or something. But she ended up being one of the strangest people I ever attempted to date. Agreed whole-heartedly. No more chicks with dark meat fetishes...


----------



## cwhitey2

Konfyouzd said:


> And then anything that doesn't seem to fall into one of those categories is skiddish as fvck like every dude on there is a predator. Why are you there, then?
> 
> I have yet to find a cool one.
> 
> Hell I got blocked by one chick for saying hi to her.
> 
> Well that's not the full story... Her profile said she was a professional glitter sprinkler and I just had to know what that was. So I messaged her to ask what exactly a professional glitter sprinkler does and how one gets into that line of work. Then she blocked me without even telling me.
> 
> Another thing I've found common is that a lot of the profiles I look at say they specifically want a white man. And that's come from a lot of different races, not just white chicks. I dunno what that's all about either. White dudes are just in high demand in my area. I was told once by a black chick, though, that she doesn't date black men because they never end up going anywhere. I think I need to get out of this city.




Yeah, idk why half the girls are on there. The ones who i would actually want to sleep with have been total bitches.

Most of the girls in my area on there are disgusting, like have a little self pride and take care of yourself!


As far as the race thing, I haven't really run into it much, other then then white girls who only date black guys


----------



## Konfyouzd

Well it seems like you and I need to switch places, sir... 

Any time I see that I thnk. "You must have a BIG ol' booty..." 

Priorities...

Wait... I just said no more fetishes... Goddammit...


----------



## cwhitey2

Konfyouzd said:


> Well it seems like you and I need to switch places, sir...
> 
> Any time I see that I thnk. "You must have a BIG ol' booty..."
> 
> Priorities...
> 
> Wait... I just said no more fetishes... Goddammit...


----------



## Wings of Obsidian

So...dating sites or apps?...


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

That feel when you talk to a girl for a few months before actually meeting her at college, and the first time you meet her you're both drunk because you were both at a few parties before then, and you make out and get touchy feely without having sex, and then you part ways and she says "we can't hang out like last night but we can still hang" because at this point we're friendly, but every time you talk you just want to cuddle and sex her and every time she sends you pics of her out or at a party you automatically think that she's getting with other guys and doesn't like you even though she's always going out her way to still talk to you.

I think I'm quietly clingy at the times that I shouldn't be and I'm nonchalant at the times I shouldn't be.


----------



## cwhitey2

Wings of Obsidian said:


> So...dating sites or apps?...



Same thing. Most sites now have apps. I used POF a couple times.


----------



## Konfyouzd

POF... Plenty for sure... But you gotta throw most back.


----------



## cwhitey2

Konfyouzd said:


> POF... Plenty for sure... But you gotta throw most back.



I threw them all back. I feel and look like a super model on that site.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Unattended... How the eff did that happen? Someone sounds like she doesn't know what she wants... I'd be willing to be she doesn't say that the next time you're drunk together. I've had a lot of ppl say weird shit like that and then the next time we're drunk THEY initiate exactly what they said we could no longer do. 

But man... If you feel that way and she's being weird, then hang w/ someone else and fit her in when you have time and/or feel like being jerked around. 

At the same time. Women are people. It's not outside the realm of possibility that the two of you could just be friends... Date someone else and just be friends with this one if the friendship aspect of your relationship is actually one you enjoy.

If her going out places with other ppl make you think she's going to be or wants to be with someone else, that could just be you being paranoid because you really like her or there could be something you're sensing that you choose not to acknowledge fully BECAUSE you like her. In either case, I don't think you should feel that way. 

The type of insecurity you're feeling might be of your own doing (thinking too hard about it; having too much free time; etc), but then again, she might be behaving in such a way as to cause these feelings and that's just not good. It's just an indication that down the road you're not going to be a happy camper no matter how infatuated you may be at the moment. 

Find someone that likes your off-timed brand of clinginess/mellowness.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Alcohol + romance/sex has a pretty good chance of being complete and utter failure. I highly recommend never including the two.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I don't think she entirely knows what she wants, but it's not her fault that I'm feeling this way. I'm not upset with her. I'm just emotionally exhausted lately because I got rejected by another girl before I hooked up with her. That girl was one I had been seeing in the summer but she stopped talking to me then told me she was "giving up sex to prioritize school", then she tells me she's been skipping class and sends me pictures of her getting drunk in town with her ex boyfriend.

So then this girl we're talking about and I decide let's hangout, and we ended up being drunk and hooking up a bit at the time. I still like talking to her, it's just weird because I want to see if this can go anywhere because I want to spend more time with her, but she seemed pretty set on us just being friends even though it doesn't always seem that way.

I know she has other stuff going on in her life and that's fine, it's just that she happened to be the girl that I'm redirecting my internal emotional dynamic-ness towards after being so thrown around and pissed off at the "I'm giving up sex" girl I previously saw. It just makes me sad because I want to be with someone and there not be any weird catch to it. But this is the real world, and that's not gonna happen.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Fall back for a little bit, man. 

If she likes you she'll be around. It's unrealistic and unreasonable to expect someone to wait around for you forever, but you gotta take care of number one first. And it sounds like you have a lot floating around in your head right now. 

You could very easily end up sabotaging something great with the right person for lack of ability to handle yourself internally. 

I know a lot of ppl have a lotta love to give, but patience pays. It could be that you somehow come off as desperate to her whether you are or aren't feeling that way. Your mention of redirecting your romantic dynamic-ness is what makes me think this though.

To put the shoe on the other foot for a moment.

I often feel like when I date a woman fresh out of a relationship she tends to come off a little desperate. It's almost as though you're a replacement for whoever just left their life and not so much a new experience if that makes any sense. Like...

"These were his jobs. Get to it. I'll get to know you when I feel like it."

or... 

Everything you say or do, they react to it as though the words you speak or actions you perform carry the same sentiment they did when the last person did it.

In other words, if you're not ready to separate the last person from the next person, then you simply aren't ready for the next person no matter how much you may want them around. Again, I'm not sure if that's your case either. I'm doing a lot of guess work based on what you tell us. But I wouldn't get too bent outa shape about it.

I spent a lot of time bent out of shape about a lot of things dealing with the opposite sex and I still get a little peeved from time to time, but everything works out as it should eventually. 

Sometimes it's best to do nothing and let the universe work.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Konfyouzd said:


> Fall back for a little bit, man.
> 
> If she likes you she'll be around. It's unrealistic and unreasonable to expect someone to wait around for you forever, but you gotta take care of number one first. And it sounds like you have a lot floating around in your head right now.
> 
> You could very easily end up sabotaging something great with the right person for lack of ability to handle yourself internally.
> 
> In other words, if you're not ready to separate the last person from the next person, then you simply aren't ready for the next person no matter how much you may want them around.



I love all of what you said but these parts pertain to me more I think. I don't think I'm coming off as desperate to her, because when she told me that she didn't want to hook up anymore I told her that was fine. I still want to hang with her and I think she still wants to hang out so I'll see how that goes when no alcohol is involved. But I'll pull back a tad for a bit. The problem more is how I internally feel, I'm not getting emotional at her or anything. It's just in my head at the moment, and although it's pretty crappy, it's better than being openly emotional or desperate towards her.


----------



## Konfyouzd

So... I'm kinda furious about something and I don't think I realized it until just now when I talked to a friend at work about it...

A few years ago my sister was living with me. It was an arrangement such that my father paid me $400/month for her to stay there as rent since she couldn't afford to pay. And it seems like he just wanted her out of the house.

Things got to a point where I just couldn't deal with her anymore. Paying rent or not, there are just certain things that were really getting under my skin. Things end up broken that I know I didn't break. She didn't walk the dogs even though she's home way moe often than me and I'd come home to them having urinated or shit all over my floor.

And the thing that got under my skin most is that she would text my dad about random shit and then I'd end up getting lecture from him via text message like I'm not a grown ass man in his own home. I kicked her the fvck out.

She then went back to live with my parents.

Now recently, my dad apparently gets mad at her again and just SENDS her to my house like we have some sort of arrangement like that. I felt bad especially since he hit her in the face prior to kicking her out (not exactly the most manly thing to do--particuarly to your own daughter, but not the full point).

She now has a boyfriend who is an ex con. His charges were bad enough that he's not allowed to legally be near firearms. He just now finished some bullshit where he was being randomly drug tested every week. The biggest problem I have is that they have jobs where they aren't at work at the same time I am. So while I'm at work, this fvckin' jailbird could be all throughout my house for all I know.

I wake up around roughly 4AM. There are mornings sometimes when I walk through the living room while getting ready for work and I see the two of them asleep on the floor. 

Who the fvck said this dude could sleep over? 

He lives within walking distance of my house (with his mother) and it's been the case before that he just straight up walked over to my house one day when she wouldn't talk to him because she was mad at him for whatever reason. He knocked like the damn police then softened his tone when he saw that I was the one to open the door.

Quite frankly I'm highly uncomfortable with the whole situation at this point. I imagined shit would have cooled down between my parents and sister by now, but at this point it looks as though everyone BUT me is comfortable. 

I have a security clearance, and I'm not exactly sure what could happen to me should it become known that he's violating whatever says he shouldn't be near firearms considering I own 3 of them. He himself owns one despite not being allowed to even be near the damn things. His charges? ARMED ROBBERY... 

I don't want either of them in or near my house anymore.

It's been suggested to me by a friend that I tell her she has to go. I really and truly want to. At the same time, she doesn't have the money to get out. And she's been talking about trying to get an apt with this dude. 

First of all, they've only been dating since maybe a week after me and my most recent ex started dating. You know, the one I just broke up with a month ago. So that's what, 2 months?

Second of all she has a child... I don't want my niece living in a house with some strange man like that--particularly not this one. 

Further, I really don't want to kick my sister out on the street with a child assuming my parents don't take her back. My niece lives with them currently. And I'm not really sure why or how that works out.

Another concern I have is that if she does break up with this cat, he literally lives within walking distance of my damn house. What if he's crazy? Oh yea... And we already know that when shit gets rough he'll take up arms and steal shit. Some of you are friends with me on Facebook. Have you seen my damn basement?

Recently, he's been talking about wanting to get a car. When you get a car you absolutely have to have 2 things: license and insurance--at least if you plan to get one from a dealer... 

How did he plan to do this? He kept saying he was gonna get it... Up til the time came for him to actually get the shit. No license and no insurance. But guess who does have a license and is an insured driver? My sister. This fool wanted my sister to take whatever money he had for a down payment and the the car FOR him... Fool please... 

I'm tired of dealing with all my family's ghetto shit. And any time I don't wanna be involved you get all this bullshit from the rest of the family about how I'm disrespectful and whatever else. How? I'm the only one not being respected. Everyone else seems to be getting whatever they want.

I am really and truly sick of being the glue that holds this ridiculously fvcked up family together. They're draining me... 

I say it all the time, but I think I'm right... I need to move.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I think you need to kick her out or move.

That all sounds like wayyy too much to deal with, especially when it's just being thrown at you as if you're okay with it. No matter how much you care about your sister, she's made her own decisions and her finding a place to live is her problem, not yours. If she was single I can understand that but if she's bringing a potentially unstable ex con around you all the time then you should tell her to stay out of your house for good.


----------



## flint757

Kick her out and tell her she needs to go to a shelter. We had to do the same thing to my sister a long time ago. Some people never change their stripes though, she's still a bit of a deadbeat. That being said, she is her own problem now and there are plenty of means for women, especially with children, to get help. It doesn't have to be the family who does it, but if they do that's their problem as well. Don't make it yours unless that's something you want to do. Truth is the more you and your family keep helping her the less likely she is actually going to change her behavior. Why would she when she doesn't have to pay or do anything. Some personalities are perfectly fine with taking advantage of people. Your sister, from this and past posts, sounds exactly like my sister honestly. She's also the type of person who goes for the 'bad' guys: One, because she likes those type of people and two, because, in truth, those are the only people who would likely even consider dating her and she is an extremely co-dependent person so being simply single just isn't something she is capable of doing. The only remedy for someone in her position was tough love and likely the same applies to your sister.

As for the guy, allowing her to live with you or kicking her out he is a problem. The dude is in your house from time-to-time already. My suggestion for you is to not bring him into it if you do kick her out. That way when she recaps the story to the guy he doesn't have as much of a reason to hold a grudge, if that is something he is even likely to do. I don't tend to run into 'thugs' who actually bother defending their woman's honor. They're deadbeats for a reason.  You're probably fine, but moving would certainly be a much safer and cleaner method to go if that's something you actually want to do. In the meantime I'd just change your locks, make sure you've got tabs on all your stuff and maybe invest in some extra security if you're worried about it. 

My sister has gone through a roster of ex-cons and none of them have ever done anything to us when we've given her a dose of tough love in the past. It certainly wouldn't be prudent of them either considering how much we know and who we'd consider the likely suspect to be if something were to happen. Criminals are dumb, but they typically aren't that dumb. If he comes at you you are already aware that he has violated his parole if he isn't supposed to be near weapons. Maybe just hold that over his head if it comes to that. Best thing to do is just buff up your security and avoid contact with the guy.

[EDIT]

Did you talk to your folks about what went down? She very well might not have deserved the pity you gave her. Sounds ....ed up, but that's just the way some people are. I have no clue obviously how your sister's like, but my sister is violent and tends to prod people until they react. She'll say terrible things and such until people just flip on her all together. It certainly isn't okay for people to be hitting each other or getting physical, but there's usual much more to the story if that makes sense.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Looks like we gotta have a talk when I get home from work... I'm really not looking forward to this.


----------



## Konfyouzd

EDIT: Damn... Another double post...


----------



## UnderTheSign

Konfyouzd said:


> I have a security clearance, and I'm not exactly sure what could happen to me should it become known that he's violating whatever says he shouldn't be near firearms considering I own 3 of them. He himself owns one despite not being allowed to even be near the damn things. His charges? ARMED ROBBERY...


I'm not the type of guy to do this... But I'd play snitch here and leak info on certain violations.


----------



## vilk

Why the .... every girl I talk to has a cat?

I'm too allergic to cats to be in the room with them. If I do go into a room where a cat lives, I never sit down. Sure, I guess I could date someone who has a cat, and then never visit their home ever. That's really not that bad. But I'll never be able to stop thinking about it--the cat dander when she hugs me. I actually think cats are really cute and they are good pets. I wish they didn't, but they make me physically sick. 

I think I'd black-ball a girl more quickly for having a cat than having a boyfriend hahaha


----------



## Ed_Ibanez_Shred

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> That feel ... but every time you talk you just want to cuddle and sex her and every time she sends you pics of her out or at a party you automatically think that she's getting with other guys and doesn't like you even though she's always going out her way to still talk to you.
> 
> I think I'm quietly clingy at the times that I shouldn't be and I'm nonchalant at the times I shouldn't be.



I am in the exact same position as you man. Just checked Facebook and saw some photos that made me regret being so shy with a certain girl. I don't talk to her enough. I get so frustrated with myself for being so shy, yet I can't seem to find the time or motivation to hook up with her  I get seriously paranoid that it's all an elaborate ruse and that I'll never see her again


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Update:I've decided that I would only be nice to girly and speak to her if she speaks to me,but I did not expect to see her yesterday.A few guys and I was standing in the hallway until a meeting was over in our classroom.She says hi to the group,walks past us,and doesn't even look at me.

After class,me and two guys from the group from before are standing at the bus stop conversing.She comes and doesn't even stop by us as I expected,but eventually,she walks up to my group,says hi to us,then walks off.

Then,on the bus,I catch her staring at me a few times from my peripheral vision.She seemed sad,which I have never seen her in such a way before.I wouldn't be surprised if that guy that I think she was banging went off to bang some other chick since he's immature and everything he says is either a sexual remark about a female or something that he thinks is funny,but is so juvenile that it falls flat on its face(pardon me for the run-on sentence).

Any comments are welcomed and appreciated.


----------



## Konfyouzd

UnderTheSign said:


> I'm not the type of guy to do this... But I'd play snitch here and leak info on certain violations.


This has been suggested to me by others as well.

I ended up telling her he can't come over anymore as a result of the possible outcome with my job among other things (the coming over for dinner all the time and sleeping over unannounced) and I'm not sure how she took it, but she didn't spend the night here last night and it looked like she told him when she was on the phone from what I overheard so we'll see.

It was also suggested that rather than just kick her out, I set a soft date for her to leave and then stick to it. She is in school. Assuming she appears to be taking it seriously and not just dicking around to keep people helping her, I'd be willing to help her out until she finishes school so long as she maintains a certain GPA.

Doing so I imagine would limit the amount of time she could spend with homeboy anyway.

At any rate, I haven't come up with a means of presenting the second part yet (soft date/until done with school...). I think I'll write up a contract or something... Give her until she's done with school + 90 days. Or 90 days past her projected finish date should she decide to not finish. I dunno could probably use some more thought, but I'm working on it...


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

How long is that, though? If she's in school wouldn't her year end in May? then 90 days after that? That's kind of a long time if that's what you mean


----------



## soliloquy

i miss my ex. more so because after dating two other girls since my breakup, i keep missing the communication and understanding and comfort we had in one another. i miss having that connection with someone. now, i dont NEED another person in my life. i can still do most of the things on my own and it gives me a lot of time to focus on the gym and photography. however, most of my other friends are now in a relationship (odd, they were single for 6 years when i was with my ex...) and thus are busy with their significant others. my family irritates me, so i tend to avoid them. and everyone else in my life is mostly too busy to do other things with me. they also are way too frugal or not adventurous when it comes to doing new things... another thing i miss about my ex was that she was always game for any/everything, doesn't matter what time of the day. want to explore a different city at 3 in the morning? she was down for it. 

i'm also noticing i'm losing my appetite. everything has become so stale to me. food that used to excite me does very little. i can still eat shitloads, but i'm not having fun eating it anymore....

all the colors everything that i used to enjoy are now turning grey. 

again, i dont need anyone, but wanting someone to share my experience with, to give them more meaning would be nice.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I'm sorry man. Just keep focusing on the gym and photography if those two things are giving you some fulfillment. Reach out to your friends but don't worry, they'll be able to spend time with you eventually.

In the meantime, you have us


----------



## asher

Appetite changes and losing interest in things you normally enjoy are depressive symptoms - if they continue, consider following it up more professionally. It could easily just be a short-term thing, too.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Relevant


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

It describes me on at least half of my gym days


----------



## asher

I wish I had time for gym days. 

(though I don't because I'm spending that time stabbing people, so there's that)


----------



## Ed_Ibanez_Shred

asher said:


> I wish I had time for gym days.
> 
> (though I don't because I'm spending that time stabbing people, so there's that)



 don't stab me bro


----------



## soliloquy

for what its worth, i LOVE sushi and i'm always up for it any time of the day. but aside from sushi, very little is inspiring me :s


----------



## asher

Ed_Ibanez_Shred said:


> don't stab me bro


 
EN GARDE!



Dammit sol now I want sushi.


----------



## Konfyouzd

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> How long is that, though? If she's in school wouldn't her year end in May? then 90 days after that? That's kind of a long time if that's what you mean



Oh I'm aware that it could take a while. I believe she's got at least a year left. I'm prepared to deal with that if I have in writing that she'll be gone by a specific date regardless.

I've already had a talk with her about her boyfriend. He's not allowed in or near my house anymore and she took that relatively well. No fuss whatsoever. I'm going to try and figure out the terms of whether or not and how long I'll allow her to stay here, but the first part went better than I expected.


----------



## goherpsNderp

i know this is kind of random, but i've been skimming over the last handful of pages, and noticed a handful of times people mentioned a specific girl hanging out with her ex a lot, so i just wanted to toss out this bit of experience if anyone feels like listening.

if you're ever into a girl, and you're either talking, or just hanging, or trying to take her 'temperature' and find out where she wants to go with things, be very alert to her habits of hanging out with ex's. the reason i say that, is because not only have i been burned a few times from girls getting with their ex's, but i also have a LOT of female friends, and at times (usually over drinks) i get privy to information that i normally wouldn't be...

girls that hang out with their ex's a lot are usually banging them. there's usually some mutually beneficial aspect to them still seeing eachother on a regular basis, and if it isn't true friendship, it's most likely to mess around. if it's not either of those things, then it means they are still trying to work things out, but neither of them will consciously acknowledge that's what's happening. it really sucks for the guys like us that are just trying to get things started with a girl, but if i was still in the dating scene right now i would be MUCH more attentive to that sort of thing than i was in the past.

i can't tell you how many times i've been told to kind of back off from a certain girl (by someone else) because they know she's doing her ex on the regular. what it all boils down to, and how this can relate to almost anyone's love life situation, is that both people have to be on a similar mindset and looking for similar things in a relationship. if you're a dude that's looking for a GIRLFRIEND and you're talking to a girl that's secretly sleeping around and partying and what not, then she's obviously not after the same goal you are. conversely, if you're looking for someone to bump uglies with all the time without any of the fuss of a relationship, then you're barking up the wrong tree if the girl you start talking to is taking things slow and getting to know you etc.

tl;dr - be mindful of the behaviors and mannerisms of those you're into, as it can give you insight as to what they want. and as many have said above, sometimes people just don't know what they want, and you're most likely going to waste your time trying to steer them in a specific direction.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

^I agree with your advice,but I would change the ex part into any guy(if she's heterosexual).

Girly gave guy THAT look as he passed by.It was a confirmation for me at that point.I know this because you don't give a friend that look unless you were banging them or had the intent to.Funny enough,I had decided to cut off all ties with her.However,yesterday(the same day she gave guy the look),I was minding my own business in class when she walked up to my desk and started talking to me as though nothing ever happened.This is unacceptable to me.If you're going to lead me on and smash this one other guy,I think you should leave me alone unless you want me instead,which she has already implied no,or you want to change my impression of you.I don't want any friends,and if she approaches me again,I'm going to tell her that she has a guy and to leave me alone.

Sorry if that was a lot.I'm just venting...


----------



## flint757

Are you dating or just friends? Is the only 'confirmation' you have that she's banging another dude the 'look' she gave him? I know plenty of girls with guy friends and they aren't banging them all. Girls and guys can get along just fine with each other without having to be sexual about it. 

Now, I will agree that being friends with ex's typically ends bad. Last person I was close with rekindled something with her ex when they met up after not seeing each other for awhile and obviously there is chemistry there since a relationship once existed. If you are also capable of being friendly with said person it is likely it wouldn't take much effort to end up sleeping with them.

In any case, if your only objective with women is to be in a relationship with them and they don't reciprocate then it probably is best to just move on. I will point out that you're likely missing out on not only potential dating opportunities down the road by doing so, but potentially great friendships.

[EDIT]

I have to ask, why is talking to you an act of leading you on? The only thing I can assume is, as far as you're concerned, girls and guys are only meant to be together for sexy time. And what do you mean by she implied she isn't interested in you?


----------



## Kwert

Obsidian Soul said:


> ^I agree with your advice,but I would change the ex part into any guy(if she's heterosexual).
> 
> Girly gave guy THAT look as he passed by.It was a confirmation for me at that point.I know this because you don't give a friend that look unless you were banging them or had the intent to.Funny enough,I had decided to cut off all ties with her.However,yesterday(the same day she gave guy the look),I was minding my own business in class when she walked up to my desk and started talking to me as though nothing ever happened.This is unacceptable to me.If you're going to lead me on and smash this one other guy,I think you should leave me alone unless you want me instead,which she has already implied no,or you want to change my impression of you.I don't want any friends,and if she approaches me again,I'm going to tell her that she has a guy and to leave me alone.
> 
> Sorry if that was a lot.I'm just venting...




It's easy to be over-analytical and read into things waaaay too much. From what you've described it never sounds like she lead you on in any way. You're just assuming she meant certain things by how she was behaving. If you don't want to interact with her in any way after this, that's fine, but I don't think any blame can be placed on her here. A girl can talk to a dude and carry on casual conversation, want to meet up/hang out etc. without any romantic or sexual interest in them.


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## UnderTheSign

ITT: entitlement, jealousy and newsflash - girls are definitely banging whatever dude they're hanging with.

FYI, maybe y'all think that way because you think it's somehow, _magically_, impossible to hang with a girl and not want to bang her?


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## Konfyouzd

Cue birds and bees talk in 3... 2...

"When a maaaaaaaan loves a woman..."


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I don't feel like having a drawn out explanation for myself,so I will just make two points.

1.I am only adding on from the past few posts I have been making.Now that I look at my most recent post,it may make it seem like I'm thinking guys and girls cannot be friends when really you have to read my past posts to understand the whole story.Also,there are things also that happened that I said I wouldn't mention in a past post that I still have not said or won't say for sake of brevity.

2.I am not an idiot.I know guys and girls can be friends.I have had a few myself,and I already knew that she was friends/acquaintances with a lot of guys WAY before I even asked her out,which,as I stated before,would have been known if you seen my previous posts.



It seems like every time I post here about an ongoing situation I need to recap through the whole story,which seems rather tedious.In fact,explaining my posts is tedious especially when people take the Captain Obvious route and try to make a grand assumption to make me look like a douchebag.Also,since I am taking a hiatus,I think it would also be great to take a break from posting on this thread.


----------



## Kwert

Obsidian Soul said:


> I don't feel like having a drawn out explanation for myself,so I will just make two points.
> 
> 1.I am only adding on from the past few posts I have been making.Now that I look at my most recent post,it may make it seem like I'm thinking guys and girls cannot be friends when really you have to read my past posts to understand the whole story.Also,there are things also that happened that I said I wouldn't mention in a past post that I still have not said or won't say for sake of brevity.
> 
> 2.I am not an idiot.I know guys and girls can be friends.I have had a few myself,and I already knew that she was friends/acquaintances with a lot of guys WAY before I even asked her out,which,as I stated before,would have been known if you seen my previous posts.
> 
> 
> 
> It seems like every time I post here about an ongoing situation I need to recap through the whole story,which seems rather tedious.In fact,explaining my posts is tedious especially when people take the Captain Obvious route and try to make a grand assumption to make me look like a douchebag.Also,since I am taking a hiatus,I think it would also be great to take a break from posting on this thread.




Nobody is trying to make you look like a douchebag here, dude. I did read your previous posts, but i went back and read some again just to make sure I didn't miss anything. I see you said you asked her out and she said sure. Did you actually ask if you could take her out on a date (something that seems to be a lost art these days) or just ask if she wanted to hang out/get coffee etc? You can't necessarily be sure that she knows your intentions, which is the problem with the whole "hey lets hang out" thing that dating culture seems to have become.

Regardless, youre still young. Your time will come soon.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Kwert said:


> Nobody is trying to make you look like a douchebag here, dude. I did read your previous posts, but i went back and read some again just to make sure I didn't miss anything. I see you said you asked her out and she said sure. Did you actually ask if you could take her out on a date (something that seems to be a lost art these days) or just ask if she wanted to hang out/get coffee etc? You can't necessarily be sure that she knows your intentions, which is the problem with the whole "hey lets hang out" thing that dating culture seems to have become.
> 
> Regardless, youre still young. Your time will come soon.


Correct.In fact,I asked if she would go on a date with me sometime(because I had already made obligations to see my family on Labor Day weekend).She said,"Sure."Then,when I had called to establish a time,she was with that guy and acted like she didn't want to talk to me,which the aftermath is my past two posts before my most recent one.


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## UnattendedGolfcart

Guys, I can't do this anymore.

I went to a party tonight with my friends and the girl who I've been talking about told me she was going as well. She got there later than I did. After a while she texted me "Be my friend" so I found her. She didn't know anyone else there because her friends left. I stayed with her a while and we talked about stuff and she hung with my friends for a while. She told me she was waiting for her friends to text her because she was going to leave to go to a bar. We were having some fun goofy conversations which was nice, and then this guy just came in and started talking to her. Then he almost literally dragged her to go dance. She was dancing with him but by her body language it really didn't seem like she wanted to be dancing with him. I went to talk for a few minutes with some other friends, and I go back to see where she is, and she's making out with him and then they went up to the guy's room because it was his house.

I feel pathetic right now. In so many ways. I feel pathetic for not trying to keep her from dancing with that guy because it was so evident that she didn't want to initially. My friends gave me shit and called me a p-ssy b-tch for not doing anything. I feel pathetic that she wanted me to spend time with her because she had nobody else to hang with and then she just left me to go have random sex with this guy who she barely knows.

Remember, this is the girl who told me she didn't want to casually hook up with me because her "romantic life" was complicated. She told me she was slightly seeing this guy that she wanted to break things off with because he's verbally abusive but she wouldn't do it because she said she has no self respect. That seems to be the case right now.

It's like...why am I even mad? I'm mad that this happened, and I'm mad that I'm mad in the first place. It's stupid. But I feel pathetic and unwanted by so many people right now. Today has been terrible too. My dad might move to another state with his girlfriend sooner than later, which means I'd see him very rarely. My mom has to go get medical tests because she has an issue in her breast tissue. This is all happening in the same day.

I feel like I want to break down and cry. It sounds so pathetic. I feel pathetic. Why do I even spend time with girls? They all reject me in some way or another and then get with other guys who are either exactly like me or worse. I hate it. I hate who I associate with. I feel like I can talk to barely any of my friends about this either. The only reason I'm moderately okay right now is because I went to see my best friend after I got back to campus and talked with her about it for an hour.

I just don't want to do it anymore. Truly I don't. I hate it. I get no joy out of trying to be with girls anymore. I end up just being some ....ing emotional punching bag for them. But I make moves too. It's not like I'm a fedora neckbeard who never makes moves. I do. And they accept them. And then they take it back. Is it me? Is it the girls? It's both, probably.

I'm just so tired of all of this, you guys. I want to go in my room and break down right now. It might sound so pathetic but I guess that's who I am.


----------



## BlackMastodon

A) You're not pathetic, stop beating yourself up over it. Shit happens sometimes, and maybe you misread the situation. It's possible that she looked uncomfortable while dancing because she knew you were there and she felt a little bad but she actually was interested in the guy. 

2) You don't necessarily know that they had sex, maybe they just hooked up in other ways and she's sticking to her guns. If not then who cares, if she doesn't have the common decency to be straight with you or even stick to her principles then you don't need her around.

C) Your friends can suck a f**k. So you spent some time talking to a girl who didn't know anyone else at a party and then she went and hooked up with another guy, better take your alpha-male card away for that bro. :eyeroll: Just shrug it off and keep having a good time. You don't have to pick up a girl every time you go out and if you expect to then chances are pretty decent you'll be let down.

D) It's not a big deal if you take a break from trying to find a girl, there's no shame in it and again, you don't need to feel pathetic. Something will come your way.

Off topic but one of the tags caught my eye: Wtf is an 'asian beanpie'?


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## UnattendedGolfcart

I have no idea what that is. I want to know now 

Whatever I'll get over it.


She probably went with the other guy because one of my friends has this habit of excessively trying to wingman me for some reason. She was do drunk and talking to her and I about how she's trying to get girls at the party to check me out and stuff and I didn't ask her to do that nor did I want her to. So that probably didn't look great for me.


----------



## MFB

If you're sick of girls, then literally don't do anything. If you're the one making the moves, you have the power to stop. Vice versa, if they make a move to you all you have to do is be like "Listen, I'm not looking for _anything_ right now, sorry" and move on. There's no one forcing you to keep trying and find someone, and if anyone guilt trips you over it: tell em to .... right off and that you dont need to be with anyone unless you want to be.


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## UnattendedGolfcart

You're very right. That's just how I need to feel, not be pressured into anything from my friends or whoever. I'm not necessarily sick of girls, I think I'm just really bad at picking girls who can be direct with me. But yeah, I'm just gonna stop caring for a while. I have more important things to focus on.

On a good note, it's raining here and I channelled all of my sadness into energy at the gym. I raised my overhead press weight by 20lbs. Now I'm too post-gym tired/happy to be mad about anything.


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## lelandbowman3

Ok, guys. I want to preface this by saying: Yes, I know I messed up. I don't need to hear about how I messed up or how what I did was wrong. Now on to the issue.
-I'm engaged. We're to be married in December. Now, that being said, this past semester, I started having study sessions with a female in my class, strictly as friends. My fiancee was even her friend, and I'm not sure how, but I guess I was flirty with her. At the beginning of the summer, she sent me some provocative, (not nude) photos when she was really drunk. I panicked. I didn't know what to do, but in nomination of the dumbest thing ever, I saved the photos. I told the girl that it was messed up and we stopped talking, trying to just forget that it happened, and I never told my fiancee. Now, a few days ago, my gf was looking at pictures of our puppy on my phone, and behold, there were the images that I'd saved for Godknowswhy. She assumed they were just porn or something, but I told her it was the girl we knew. Well, to make a longer story short, we may not be getting married anymore. I've apologized, told her that I'd be willing to go to counseling, and told her that I'd earn her trust back ( I know it's going to take time). She's just on a roller coaster of up and down of "being ok and willing to work" to "not knowing what we'll do or if we need to be together" (No, I did not have sex or engage in any sexual activity with the girl.)
I'm just not sure what to do or say.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

lelandbowman3 said:


> Ok, guys. I want to preface this by saying: Yes, I know I messed up. I don't need to hear about how I messed up or how what I did was wrong. Now on to the issue.
> -I'm engaged. We're to be married in December. Now, that being said, this past semester, I started having study sessions with a female in my class, strictly as friends. My fiancee was even her friend, and I'm not sure how, but I guess I was flirty with her. At the beginning of the summer, she sent me some provocative, (not nude) photos when she was really drunk. I panicked. I didn't know what to do, but in nomination of the dumbest thing ever, I saved the photos. I told the girl that it was messed up and we stopped talking, trying to just forget that it happened, and I never told my fiancee. Now, a few days ago, my gf was looking at pictures of our puppy on my phone, and behold, there were the images that I'd saved for Godknowswhy. She assumed they were just porn or something, but I told her it was the girl we knew. Well, to make a longer story short, we may not be getting married anymore. I've apologized, told her that I'd be willing to go to counseling, and told her that I'd earn her trust back ( I know it's going to take time). She's just on a roller coaster of up and down of "being ok and willing to work" to "not knowing what we'll do or if we need to be together" (No, I did not have sex or engage in any sexual activity with the girl.)
> I'm just not sure what to do or say.



Oof.

That's some poo right there.

I think the only things you can do are keep telling your fiancee that you didn't do anything with the other girl. You could also get the other girl to talk to your fiancee and explain what happened, if you still talk to her that is. She would probably believe her since it's coming from the other party in the situation.


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## lelandbowman3

She's already confronted the other girl, and she confirmed what I said. I just don't know where to go from here. I want to make it work, I've been faithful this entire relationship (close to 3 years) and in one fell swoop, it feels like my world is crashing down. I just don't know what to do, and I feel like she's checked out. Like I said, she's willing to work one minute and the next, she says she doesn't think it will.


----------



## lelandbowman3

she says unless we get counseling, she doesn't think it's going to work. So that's like, spend money to talk to other people, and it MIGHT work. I'm willing to do whatever it takes, but jeez. This is just a shitty situation, and I don't think that she thinks I cheated on her. I know that she's heart broken, but I mean, it could've been so much worse than it was. And I'm pretty much begging to try to work it out. I just don't know what to do.


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## flint757

Do you have the text messages she could read or did you tell her in person/over the phone?

All you can do is try and reassure her that everything is okay and you didn't do anything, but in the end she's going to think/feel what she wants about the situation. 

To quickly resolve the situation you need some proof to relieve her inner doubt about it all. If you don't have any (texts, timeline, something) then you may need to see if the girl would be willing to vouch for you on this. That being said, your fiancee may not believe her. 

Aside from that just keep doing what your doing and push the counseling thing if it will make her feel better. In my experience counseling is sort of an admission of guilt though, when used to remedy a situation, (unless you have some other reason to go that is) so who knows if offering that as a solution is the right move or not. 

Tricky situation for sure. No idea what the right play is for sure as ultimately it just depends on how your fiancee feels about it at the end of the day.


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## flint757

If she doesn't think you cheated why is she heart broken? Why is she upset at all if that's the case? Do you think it could be deeper than this one issue, like cold feet maybe? Food for thought is all. 

Good luck either way. I'm rooting for you.


----------



## lelandbowman3

I don't know what's going on. I know she probably feels hurt and betrayed, but it feels like she wanted out before this and now has the perfect reason to leave. But maybe I'm just paranoid.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

No I'm kind of getting that vibe. I don't want to further your paranoia, but a normal person probably wouldn't be that dynamic and emotional over something like that. Especially if she's known you for so long..


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Today I spent time with my best friend and she really helped me deal with my issue. I did end up talking to the girl a bit, she knew I was mad about the situation and I think she knew I was at least a little bit allowed to be mad. I stopped talking to her for a few hours and later she asked me if I was mad at her. I told her the following:

"You hang out with me, you hook up with me. You tell me that we can't hook up because your "romantic life is currently too complicated". You want me to hang out with you at a party where you didn't know anyone, and then you leave me and go hook up with a guy. Do you not see in any way how that could make me a bit mad?"

She responded saying that the guy she hooked up with was a "friend who makes her romantic life complicated", and that she didn't plan on hooking up with me the night we did.

I said, "well, you still made out with me, and you could have stopped it at any point, much earlier than we did. I don't know how you don't see how this is a bit confusing to me."

She just said "I know, I understand. I'm sorry. I'm too drunk to explain" and I haven't answered her, that was maybe four hours ago.

Tomorrow I'm just going to talk to her and say that it's not worth arguing over and basically just try to figure this out as quickly as possible. I really don't anticipate much is going to be salvaged here.

At this point I don't really care though. I spent my day having a great time with my best friend who helped me out with this, and I had awesome box wine with her after, then I went back and played video games with my roommate and this girl across the hall who I think is cute. No pressure there, just enjoyed some video games and that was that.

I need more of that, that being that. Haha.


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## flint757

Her life doesn't sound that complicated honestly. She just sounds like your typical college party girl: get drunk, lose inhibitions, then hook up with someone. If that's your thing keep that train rolling, if it isn't I don't think salvaging the situation is really worth it. Sounds like you've got some options so I definitely wouldn't stress it.


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## UnattendedGolfcart

That's what I'm thinking. I'll probably just end up saying I don't want to hook up with her, she can do what she wants. It's not worth me getting upset over, it's not as if she's incredibly unique compared to anybody else I know...like you said, it just feels typical, not necessarily good or bad. Whatever happens I'll be fine, I've burnt out worrying over it and now I just want to stop thinking about it and get it figured out.


----------



## Explorer

Gasket, just tell her, I don't need complications, and you were introducing them. I'd rather have a life where people don't bring drama into it. That's all you need to say, and then just end the discussion. 

Sound harsh? Nope, just protective of you, friend. I wouldn't even offer an olive branch. Rip off the scab and let it heal. 

----

Leland, I"m sorry that you're in that position. 

It's too late for this particular bit of advice for this situation, but when people have crossed a boundary, the first thing I do is tell the person I'm in a relationship with what just happened. Then, with that person present, I go ahead and either text or call the boundary crosser. If an invitation was made to do something, I let the person I'm calling know that my girlfriend and I would love to do that activity with her and whoever else she was thinking of, and then I put my partner on the line to sort out the date and time. 

By assuming that someone is not acting in a sneaky way but actually had good intentions, I shut down any possibility that they might think I'm colluding with them in deceiving or hiding something from my partner. 

What might be painful about your situation is, if you were on solid ground with your partner at the point you got the pics, there's going to be shaken trust because YOU KEPT THE PICTURES. That's why your fiancee is heartbroken. She thought everything was fine, and then WHAM! 

*WARNING! PAINFUL PARALLELS AHEAD!*



Spoiler



That would be like you finding a condom wrapper under the bed from a brand you don't use, and a sock which isn't yours or hers. Would that shake your confidence?

Too much? How about if you found a deleted drunk email from some guy to her about how he wants her to work it good. That wouldn't mean that she had responded... but it didn't mean she *didn't* respond to it.



Or if you found on her phone a faceless picture of some guy stripped down to his briefs, obviously aroused... and you knew from a tattoo that it was someone you knew. Why was that picture saved? 

The reason I'm getting into this is because it sounds like you think she was looking for an exit plan. I just think she got slapped in the face with a sh1tload of possibilities, and is trying to make sense of it all, resolving it all beyond a reasonable doubt. 

See, even if she wants to trust that you didn't initiate a situation, she still has to figure out why, if she thought you guys were so very happy, you'd be saving a provocative selfie. She would also have to be wondering if there have been other times where you received such pictures, whether deleted immediately or saved and then cleaned out later. Was this the only situation, or was this just a slip-up where one picture out of many was missed in a clean-up?

I'm just pointing this stuff out because I've been in your partner's situation. It takes some major work, and establishing ground rules and good communication, to get past something like this. 

BTW, you guys looking at pictures of a puppy together doesn't sound like your fiancee was looking for a way to break up. I really hope you don't tell your partner that idea, because it will sound like going on the attack to remove part of the responsibility. 

On the plus side... yes, if you pay money for counseling, you might save the relationship. You kinda mention that... and then get into the downsides of counseling. As Mr. Miyagi would say, do counseling yes, do counseling no. Do counseling maybe so... squish like grape. She said she do counseling. Now it's your choice. Do it or not, but don't blame her if you decide not to pursue that option. "I don't think it's worth it because I think you've already decided" is a cop-out. 

If you have texts pointing where you tell drunk girl, Not cool!, that would help. If not, well, that just means more effort if you hope to fix this. 

If you were ready to commit already for better or for worse, then now's your chance to prove it. She was committed until she had reason to think you weren't. She's got to process a lot now. so I guess it's your choice whether you'll be around for that or not. 

Sorry that you're going through all that.


----------



## lelandbowman3

I know it's shitty. And whenever we talk, it seems like it gets better, but she's on a photography job for someone's wedding this weekend and we've hardly talked, mostly on her part, but I understand I hurt her. I'm just wanting to do whatever it takes to get past this and make it work. And I don't know how to show her that.


----------



## Konfyouzd

@Obsidian - There are other chicks. If that's how things played out it sees to me that no matter how much you liked this one, she simply isn't for you. 

Sometimes I really like cars til I drive em...


----------



## Konfyouzd

MFB said:


> If you're sick of girls, then literally don't do anything. If you're the one making the moves, you have the power to stop. Vice versa, if they make a move to you all you have to do is be like "Listen, I'm not looking for _anything_ right now, sorry" and move on. There's no one forcing you to keep trying and find someone, and if anyone guilt trips you over it: tell em to .... right off and that you dont need to be with anyone unless you want to be.



Strong independent man that don't need no woman. 

I  you Ben...


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Today I sent her a text and I just said she can do what she wants, and she should understand why I'm a bit mad, but I think it's stupid to turn it into something where I end up overreacting. She didn't answer but I don't care now. If she doesn't ever answer, fine. If she does, then perhaps we can at least talk in a civilized fashion. Oh well. I'm used to worse.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Today I sent her a text and I just said she can do what she wants, and she should understand why I'm a bit mad, but I think it's stupid to turn it into something where I end up overreacting. She didn't answer but I don't care now. If she doesn't ever answer, fine. If she does, then perhaps we can at least talk in a civilized fashion. Oh well. I'm used to worse.


 
DUDE, don't get used to ANY negativity from anyone, female or otherwise. It sounds to me like you were into her enough at one point to where you value her time and desires more than your own, and while that's great in a long term setup, you do NOT owe her that kind of consideration. If she doesn't respect you, why are you chasing her, or even wasting time thinking about her? 

As a general rule of thumb, just be high status. I don't mean act like it, I mean BE. When you walk into a room, you shouldn't be asking if anybody there likes you, you should be asking if you like anybody in the room. It sounds selfish and self-righteous, but when you learn to value yourself, other people will too. Don't contact this girl anymore, there are plenty more and after a little practice on your self esteem I think you'll start getting it right with the next ones.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

glassmoonm0f0 is a total bro, as are all of the rest of you.


----------



## goherpsNderp

UnderTheSign said:


> ITT: entitlement, jealousy and newsflash - girls are definitely banging whatever dude they're hanging with.
> 
> FYI, maybe y'all think that way because you think it's somehow, _magically_, impossible to hang with a girl and not want to bang her?



i'm not sure if you were directing this directly at me or not, but i think it would be good to offer some clarity here anyway:

-entitlement and jealousy don't even factor into it when all we're looking for is some clarity on what is what in the relationship. if a girl has ex issues, or does things that you'd personally disagree with and/or refrain from doing when YOU are courting someone, then it's completely your call to say "this doesn't feel right, i'm out"

-secondly, the reason i say that i think this kind of thing goes on is because, as i said in my wall of text, girls tell me this. i'm fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on how you see it) to be friends with so many girls, and close enough to them that typical gender related boundaries in friendships kind of don't exist, that they let me in on some things that they might not normally share with just any guy. i'm married too, so that probably helps, but i've had these friendships since before then. and no, it's not "probably the type of people i'm friends with" because often times these are friends of friends, or even further than that. but the point being that i hear of it so often, that it has just illuminated, to me, the reality that ex's bang, and it's something people should accept and be careful of if that's something that's important to them.

-as noted by my situation where the wide majority of my friends are girls, he only one's i've had sex with were those that i had a relationship with, and only during those times. i'm lucky that our friendship has continued, but to answer your question: no, i don't think it's impossible to be friends with a girl without wanting to sex her. my best friend is a girl, and not only are we just on completely different levels with our romantic needs, and what we look for in mates, but i don't find her to be attractive, nor does she me. most of my other girl-friends are attractive, sure, but they just don't get my juices flowing. some of them have, at one point or another, but i don't allow my instincts to take over and dictate how i behave. so it's not an issue. some may prefer to keep things separated and easy to manage by simply not being friends with girls unless you're interested, and there's nothing wrong with that, but (if you were indeed speaking to me) don't put words in my mouth.

so in conclusion, if you're interested in someone and going on dates with them, and you find that they have some unresolved issues with an ex of theirs, you're most likely better off backing away until they can resolve it, else you'll probably get dragged into it as well. the likelihood of them still messing around isn't in your favor, and if the idea bothers you, then either bring it up with them, or at least get some clarity from them on what's going on with them and their ex. i've approached it that way before, and luckily she told me that things were still complicated with him, and we mutually backed away from dating because of it. you only know what you know, but only you can protect yourself from being hurt, so if it's a priority then keep your armor up, and don't give anyone the keys to your heart unless you really feel safe.

EDIT- ALSO: the whole point of me bringing any of this up is because i see so many people have complicated dating lives and describe their person of interest having ex bf/gf issues. there's a pattern there, and i've seen the pattern in real life- it rarely ends well.


----------



## MFB

Konfyouzd said:


> Strong independent man that don't need no woman.
> 
> I  you Ben...





It's not the reasons I'm currently single by any means, but it is a way that I look at the situation anyways, so I figured it was applicable to anyone in this thread who may read it.


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## UnattendedGolfcart

Personally, I don't feel entitled to anything. If I'm giving someone my attention, time, and respect, then I would prefer it if they were giving me those things too. I don't feel entitled to anyone's affection, I'd much rather earn it, but I'm not going to put up with someone constantly playing head games with me and not being direct with me when they're very capable of just telling me what's what.

I'd much rather have a girl be honest with me and reject me outright than get with a girl who then flip flops and takes everything back every other day.


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## goherpsNderp

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Personally, I don't feel entitled to anything. If I'm giving someone my attention, time, and respect, then I would prefer it if they were giving me those things too. I don't feel entitled to anyone's affection, I'd much rather earn it, but I'm not going to put up with someone constantly playing head games with me and not being direct with me when they're very capable of just telling me what's what.
> 
> I'd much rather have a girl be honest with me and reject me outright than get with a girl who then flip flops and takes everything back every other day.



a very good summary. thank you.


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## Konfyouzd

Amen...


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## UnattendedGolfcart

I've put together at least one thing that I keep doing, it's trying to get with girls that I have nothing in common with. If I was gonna have a one night stand I wouldn't really care but usually I'm not trying to do that, so when I try to build a foundation with a girl that I have little to nothing in common with, then it's harder or I end up not caring and idealizing her in some way. Then something goes wrong and I get hurt, because I've already done the idealizing.

Basically, I've gotta seek out girls I have stuff in common with, and I need to regard them as a human who has benefits and faults just like I do.

For instance, there's a girl across the hall from me who's cute. Not only is she cute, but she's the same major as me, also plays guitar, appreciates lots of music I like, and she loves Kingdom Hearts which is my fav video game. I have some stuff to work with, so I don't have to pretend she's perfect or above me to get into her or have her get into me. We can just hang and enjoy the same things and then I can see if anything develops.

It'd be so much better than spending time trying to get a girl who I have nothing in common with to like me by altering myself. And even if a girl I had nothing in common with liked me, what would she like about me? Probably just physical attraction, and that's getting to seem too hollow for me.


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## Obsidian Soul

I think it would be healthier to keep all my interactions with females at a friend level.Honestly,I don't think I am prepared for a relationship anyway since I'm a freshman college student with no job or car.Besides,I don't talk to almost anybody I knew from school after graduation,and they don't speak to me.

Most of the friends I've had,once they got to know me,think I'm a cool guy anyway.Maybe I'm just one of those don't judge a book by its cover phenomena?


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## MFB

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> It'd be so much better than spending time trying to get a girl who I have nothing in common with to like me by altering myself. And even if a girl I had nothing in common with liked me, what would she like about me? Probably just physical attraction, and that's getting to seem too hollow for me.



While at first you might not have something in common with a woman, who's to say that you won't have things in common about things you wouldn't have expected? There are some obscure things that I find I have in common with people, or they at least have knowledge of and want to learn more of - and vice versa for them to myself. 

Me personally, I almost dated a co-worker who we clicked on so many things and it was great in the work place; but when it came to conversations, since we were so similar on that level - down to god damn _blood type_ - we were fvcking BORING. One would bring something up, the other would comment on why we liked it or disliked it, the other would say how they felt, and then it kind of died. Not to say that's how it goes with every couple who have similar interests out the gate, but sometimes it's nice to have starkingly different opinions on things and have your other half challenge you.


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## cwhitey2

Obsidian Soul said:


> I think it would be healthier to keep all my interactions with females at a friend level.Honestly,I don't think I am prepared for a relationship anyway since I'm a freshman college student with no job or car.Besides,I don't talk to almost anybody I knew from school after graduation,and they don't speak to me.
> 
> Most of the friends I've had,once they got to know me,think I'm a cool guy anyway.Maybe I'm just one of those don't judge a book by its cover phenomena?





DONT FALL IN LOVE.




I did and....yeah...only if you were a fly on the wall


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## UnattendedGolfcart

MFB said:


> While at first you might not have something in common with a woman, who's to say that you won't have things in common about things you wouldn't have expected? There are some obscure things that I find I have in common with people, or they at least have knowledge of and want to learn more of - and vice versa for them to myself.
> 
> Me personally, I almost dated a co-worker who we clicked on so many things and it was great in the work place; but when it came to conversations, since we were so similar on that level - down to god damn _blood type_ - we were fvcking BORING. One would bring something up, the other would comment on why we liked it or disliked it, the other would say how they felt, and then it kind of died. Not to say that's how it goes with every couple who have similar interests out the gate, but sometimes it's nice to have starkingly different opinions on things and have your other half challenge you.



I agree. It's nice when you find out you have something in common with someone you didn't think you would. I guess I mean more like when things initially get going, I don't want to have to force a relationship if we have nothing in common.

Or, when we only have one thing in common. There was this girl once and we shared some world views but the only thing we really held in common was some tv shows, and when the only thing she wants to talk about it how awesome tv shows are, that got boring for me really fast


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## DredFul

Edit: stupid post


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## MFB

DredFul said:


> But in my opinion girlfriend/boyfriend should be your friend more than anything. Like a best-friend who you share the intimacy of a romantic relationship with.



I'm 99% sure that's what everyone believes?


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## DredFul

MFB said:


> I'm 99% sure that's what everyone believes?



I guess so. Atleast the majority of mature people.


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## JosephAOI

So, my girlfriend that I had absolutely loved more than anything told me Friday that she _might_ have feelings for someone else that she knows. So she forced us to "take a break" in order to work out her feelings. After 4 days of complete ....ing agony (It felt like the worst break up of my life x5 because it wasn't a real break up and I couldn't get over her because I still hoped she would come back to me) I got some really good advice. That if she absolutely could not choose between the guy she says she loves that she's been for over half a year and a friend that she might have feelings for, she doesn't deserve to have me as an option. And I agree with that. So, as incredibly painful as it was, I had to end it yesterday because she completely refused to make any kind of decision. I got over the worst of it friday and saturday, but I'm still having trouble being able to eat. Luckily, I'm going out of town right now to see The Contortionist and Periphery tomorrow for my birthday (You read that right, she brought all this shit up a week before my birthday) so hopefully that cheers me up quite a bit.

I'm not posting this to ask for advice, I just really need some support right now and you guys are like my family so I would really appreciate it if you could offer some words of condolence and support and the like. Love you dudes <3


----------



## The Q

> That if she absolutely could not choose between the guy she says she loves that she's been for over half a year and a friend that she might have feelings for, she doesn't deserve to have me as an option.


Is the the best advice *ever* on this matter or what? 
I mean, even if she got back to you, would you be able to trust her again? What about the next guy that'd cause something similar? in the end it's not worth wasting one's time with people that throw away said one's attention.


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## no_dice

Sorry Joe, that sucks bad.  Your friend is 100% right in my opinion. 

Enjoy the show and hopefully you have a good birthday regardless!


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## goherpsNderp

Agreed.

In this situation you really have to prioritize protecting yourself over waiting things out for a potential good outcome with a girl you've been with for *only* half a year.

I say ONLY half a year, because to us married guys, looking back on the history of our long relationships, half a year isn't very big in the grand scheme of things. Sure, a lot can happen in that amount of time, but building the relationship takes time, and many many many experiences (both good and bad) together.

Focus on yourself for a bit. What have you been meaning to do? Do you work out at the gym at all? That could be a good outlet to help get the happiness juices flowing in your brain (not making this up) or at least keep your mind off her. You'll be improving your body and health at the same time. Go do some things on your own that you feel like you couldn't do before.

If I was single right now, suddenly, I'd hit the gym a lot, I'd save up a little money and go for a short trip out of the country (I've never been), and get my finances in order. That way if I found myself interested in someone again I'd feel more fulfilled beforehand, and would probably come off as a more sane/stable human being to her.


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## UnattendedGolfcart

I'd highly recommend the gym if you want something positive to focus your emotions on. You may get really into it and it'll make you stronger, plus hitting the gym a lot helps me instinctively think more in terms of long term goals, so that may help you out too.

Also, I hope you enjoy Periphery and The Contortionist! I'll be seeing them early October. Best of luck with everything bro.


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## TheHandOfStone

JosephAOI said:


> I got some really good advice. That if she absolutely could not choose between the guy she says she loves that she's been for over half a year and a friend that she might have feelings for, she doesn't deserve to have me as an option. And I agree with that.
> ...
> I'm not posting this to ask for advice, I just really need some support right now and you guys are like my family so I would really appreciate it if you could offer some words of condolence and support and the like. Love you dudes <3



So uhh, can we ask _you_ for romantic advice? Because despite your heartbreak, you sound like you have your shit in order. 

In all seriousness, it sounds like a miserable situation that you handled as well as any person could. Unfortunately, the optimal solution involves short-term misery. Try to enjoy yourself in the meantime, but don't worry about feeling bad since that's a perfectly healthy response to romantic loss. In time, your mood will stabilize, whereas if you had remained in the relationship things would probably be getting worse. More people would benefit from the kind of foresight you display, and I'm sure it will serve you well in your future relationship(s).

E-


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## Chokey Chicken

To be fair, at least she didn't cheat. She told exactly what's up and that's a lot better than a lot of folks get. It does suck though. But your friend was right. She was obviously still in the dating "testing the waters" phase. If she wasn't outright decided at half a year, then it just wasn't meant to be. You'll do good though. It's just the between time that sucks. At some point this whole thing will just be a laughable situation.


----------



## Explorer

JosephAOI said:


> I got some really good advice. That if she absolutely could not choose between the guy she says she loves that she's been for over half a year and a friend that she might have feelings for, she doesn't deserve to have me as an option. And I agree with that.
> 
> ...I just really need some support right now and you guys are like my family so I would really appreciate it if you could offer some words of condolence and support and the like. Love you dudes <3



I've never seen it work with someone like this. If someone reveals themselves to be considering trading up at any point, in my experience that person is always doing that calculation.

You did good, friend. Good feelings and positive rep your way. And I wish you strength when she comes back and says, well, I decided that this time I made a mistake! Even though I'll make this same mistake again in the future!

Remember, who's less likely to do something in the future: The person who has gone down a path but says they won't again... or the person to whom there is not such path evident to be considered?



Chokey Chicken said:


> She was obviously still in the dating "testing the waters" phase. If she wasn't outright decided at half a year, then it just wasn't meant to be.



Yeah... and this is a good reason to find out about someone's relationship history. When you see certain patterns come up, it can be a great method of determining whether your long-germ goals match up with someone else's.


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## asher

You know, I feel like there's always a part of my brain that looks around and compares and I can never turn it off. Even if I'm happy with the person I'm with. Nor have I ever cheated on anybody and I've been in multiple sustained relationships...


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## glassmoon0fo

@joe, great call man. The only thing I could possibly say that you could have handled better, and this goes for everyone, is to NEVER entertain the idea of a "break". We all know what a break is. If you ever find yourself torn between two people, choose the second, because you don't love the first.

On another subject, I have a question for you guys. Have any of you looked into the possibility that jacking it effects your drive to find women? I have my own opinion and experience, but I want to withhold so as not to color any discussion. It seems to me like something a lot of guys are too uncomfortable to think on, wonder why


----------



## Explorer

Well, I'd say that masturbation helps take the edge of things, but if you want more than just physical relief, you can't get that kind of connection from yourself. 

Looking at the two ends of a spectrum, with physical masturbation as the common element:

If someone wants and needs that additional connection, then masturbation won't do more than give a temporary respite from just part of one's needs.

If someone only thinks of other people as a physical object for masturbation, then masturbation might fulfill that need on its own.

So, if you lie anywhere along that spectrum, your drive to actually connect with someone will likely be stronger the more you want something other than the purely physical.


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## goherpsNderp

asher said:


> You know, I feel like there's always a part of my brain that looks around and compares and I can never turn it off. Even if I'm happy with the person I'm with. Nor have I ever cheated on anybody and I've been in multiple sustained relationships...



i'm the same way.

i by no means am saying that i'm not satisfied with my wife, because i totally am- flaws, arguments, rough patches, etc. love it all.

but sometimes i find myself in the company of girls that fit with my personally just a little bit better. or we understand each other quite a bit more than i understood my wife the same amount of time of knowing her. i sometimes think, man if i wasn't married i would probably try and ask her out on a date.

i don't really feel guilty about it though, because attraction isn't something that has an on and off switch, and compatibility is such a massively complex thing, that it's INSANE to hold your partner to such strict requirements as to say they aren't allowed to find anyone else attractive at all ever or that (for example) no other dude's jokes can be funnier than mine! etc. etc.

as long as you're not shoving it in your partners face all the time they're not going to get hurt by it. i know there's a handful of specific celebrity dudes that my wife finds to be incredibly attractive. one of them she said she thinks looks a bit like me, and that's part of what she likes in me. i used to kind of be bothered by it, but now i understand it, and know it's harmless. we trust each other, and we won't betray each other's trust without discussing our feelings first.

it also helps that she also likes girls, so we get to ogle chests and butts together, and there's no such thing as 'getting caught' looking at porn.


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## b1-66er

My girlfriend of almost a year dumped me last night.

We're still gonna live together til I find a place. Big fun. I've been obsessed with her for like 15 years.......since high school.

I have an autism spectrum disorder, told her I would start therapy to try to help with it. Well I've been seeing a therapist, but apparently she just can't deal with my need for order and the way I say things.

Sh1t sucks


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## Chokey Chicken

b1-66er said:


> My girlfriend of almost a year dumped me last night.
> 
> We're still gonna live together til I find a place. Big fun. I've been obsessed with her for like 15 years.......since high school.
> 
> I have an autism spectrum disorder, told her I would start therapy to try to help with it. Well I've been seeing a therapist, but apparently she just can't deal with my need for order and the way I say things.
> 
> Sh1t sucks



This does indeed suck. On the plus, and this is strictly just me trying to play the optimist and not belittling your situation, it's better to break up than to be in an unfulfilling relationship. There are lots of folks out there who will be absolutely perfectly keen with who you are as a person, which is better than being with someone who "learned to live with" your quirks/individuality.

Basically, shit sucks dude. You have my sympathy, but just realize that there are bigger and better things out there for you!


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## UnderTheSign

glassmoon0fo said:


> @joe, great call man. The only thing I could possibly say that you could have handled better, and this goes for everyone, is to NEVER entertain the idea of a "break". We all know what a break is. If you ever find yourself torn between two people, choose the second, because you don't love the first.
> 
> On another subject, I have a question for you guys. Have any of you looked into the possibility that jacking it effects your drive to find women? I have my own opinion and experience, but I want to withhold so as not to color any discussion. It seems to me like something a lot of guys are too uncomfortable to think on, wonder why


This is what I said on no fap ages ago:
The idea that fapping will somehow decrease test (but having sex won't?) is ridiculous. Yeah, your sex drive will go up... Or that's what you think. No, you're just really ....ing horny all the time cause you haven't had release in ages 

I doubt having a wank really decreases your drive to find women. Like the sex drive thing, I just think you'll be walking around like a horny dog looking for someone to bone. While maybe that means you're more motivated to get after women I also suspect you'll do so with lowered standards and not to find an actual partner, just a walking vulva.


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## Chokey Chicken

Fapping is only really guaranteed to quell the urge for however long your refractory period is. I think it does little to nothing for you.


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## UnattendedGolfcart

For me I don't think it decreases my drive. Then again I'm 20 so I doubt many things would decrease it anyway


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## goherpsNderp

b1-66er said:


> My girlfriend of almost a year dumped me last night.
> 
> We're still gonna live together til I find a place. Big fun. I've been obsessed with her for like 15 years.......since high school.
> 
> I have an autism spectrum disorder, told her I would start therapy to try to help with it. Well I've been seeing a therapist, but apparently she just can't deal with my need for order and the way I say things.
> 
> Sh1t sucks



you'll be much happier with someone to understands and accepts any of your flaws or conditions. (no disrespect intended)

think of it this way: if she had an accident a long time ago and had to use a cane the rest of her life, would you be cool with it? if she's not cool with you having some things that are you manning-up and taking care of (seeing a therapist) then she's not worth your time. she obviously doesn't really care about you, or else your condition would be a CONCERN of hers, not an annoyance.

your condition doesn't mean you're stupid, and it especially doesn't mean you're undeserving of love. she probably doesn't understand that, so it's best that you just part ways. you'll find someone that loves you even more and sees past something so trivial. no worries man. take care of yourself and when the next girl comes along she'll admire your bravery.


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## glassmoon0fo

I figured that's what you guys would say lol


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## Obsidian Soul

b1-66er said:


> My girlfriend of almost a year dumped me last night.
> 
> We're still gonna live together til I find a place. Big fun. I've been obsessed with her for like 15 years.......since high school.
> 
> I have an autism spectrum disorder, told her I would start therapy to try to help with it. Well I've been seeing a therapist, but apparently she just can't deal with my need for order and the way I say things.
> 
> Sh1t sucks


Just to provide a counter argument,I feel like there is something you're hinting at but not explaining,so I'll point it out.

If she's been with you this long,I don't think your disorder is the exact problem.You said that she can't deal with your need for order and the way you say things;it sounds like your diction might've been a bit too critical until she couldn't stand it anymore.Also,she is still allowing you to stay until you can get on your own feet.To me,it seems like she is still supporting you it's just not as your gf.

Please enlighten me on the situation if I am wrong.I'm not trying to be a douchebag,but I like to see from both perspectives.



On a personal note,I think I may have Avoidant Personality Disorder or at least some type of social anxiety disorder.I feel like there is a war to be fought inside of me,and I won't find happiness until I am out of the darkness...


----------



## b1-66er

Obsidian Soul said:


> Just to provide a counter argument,I feel like there is something you're hinting at but not explaining,so I'll point it out.
> 
> If she's been with you this long,I don't think your disorder is the exact problem.You said that she can't deal with your need for order and the way you say things;it sounds like your diction might've been a bit too critical until she couldn't stand it anymore.Also,she is still allowing you to stay until you can get on your own feet.To me,it seems like she is still supporting you it's just not as your gf.
> 
> Please enlighten me on the situation if I am wrong.I'm not trying to be a douchebag,but I like to see from both perspectives.
> 
> 
> 
> On a personal note,I think I may have Avoidant Personality Disorder or at least some type of social anxiety disorder.I feel like there is a war to be fought inside of me,and I won't find happiness until I am out of the darkness...



My diction is not meant to be critical, but it comes out that way. Which is part of the disorder and was explained to her by a doctor.

And I guess she's technically allowing me to stay, but once I leave, she's gonna have to get government assistance to afford the place.

And she says a lot of us breaking up was caused by her being super stressed at work and she just doesn't want a relationship right now.


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## flint757

While it is a part of the disorder, and as such understandable, that doesn't mean it can't get under people's skin. Think about it like with someone who may have OCD. Most quirky things an OCD person does can be associated or explained through the disorder, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating if it happens every day and it just doesn't mesh well with the other persons personality. In other words it explains the problem, but it doesn't explain away the problem.

Not throwing blame any one way here either. You may just need to find someone who is generally more okay with the quirks you might have. Along with that maybe strive to better yourself instead of just saying it is because of your disorder (no idea if that's possible for what you're dealing with and you may already be doing just that). I have severe ADD. Like to the point where I'm distracted by literally everything, I can't think clearly, I have to read or watch something several times for even just parts of it to stick, I forget most everything and have a hard time following through with a given timeline. All of these things can be explained by my disorder, but it doesn't explain them away either. No one has to put up with me just because if that makes sense and likely they won't. I have to strive hard (and for me really hard) to better myself and move past the side effects my ADD may cause. I'm not in your shoes so maybe that'd be a lot harder or damn near impossible to do, but it is something to think about nonetheless. Don't become your diagnosis.

On another note, when life gets crazy sometimes our thresholds in our personal lives get weaker. Things that don't bother us when things are going good may be like nails on a chalkboard when things are going bad. If work is stressing her out maybe when things cool down things will get back to normal. Who knows.


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## UnderTheSign

glassmoon0fo said:


> I figured that's what you guys would say lol


Your question already suggested you think positively of it so why not tell us about it?


----------



## b1-66er

flint757 said:


> While it is a part of the disorder, and as such understandable, that doesn't mean it can't get under people's skin. Think about it like with someone who may have OCD. Most quirky things an OCD person does can be associated or explained through the disorder, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating if it happens every day and it just doesn't mesh well with the other persons personality. In other words it explains the problem, but it doesn't explain away the problem.
> 
> Not throwing blame any one way here either. You may just need to find someone who is generally more okay with the quirks you might have. Along with that maybe strive to better yourself instead of just saying it is because of your disorder (no idea if that's possible for what you're dealing with and you may already be doing just that). I have severe ADD. Like to the point where I'm distracted by literally everything, I can't think clearly, I have to read or watch something several times for even just parts of it to stick, I forget most everything and have a hard time following through with a given timeline. All of these things can be explained by my disorder, but it doesn't explain them away either. No one has to put up with me just because if that makes sense and likely they won't. I have to strive hard (and for me really hard) to better myself and move past the side effects my ADD may cause. I'm not in your shoes so maybe that'd be a lot harder or damn near impossible to do, but it is something to think about nonetheless. Don't become your diagnosis.
> 
> On another note, when life gets crazy sometimes our thresholds in our personal lives get weaker. Things that don't bother us when things are going good may be like nails on a chalkboard when things are going bad. If work is stressing her out maybe when things cool down things will get back to normal. Who knows.



the blame is hers as of now

i understand things can get under peoples skin

we had problems before over this stuff and the deal was that i would see a therapist to try to get help. well ive only gone to the therapist three or four times and shes already throwing in the towel

i know i suck to deal with, but i think giving up after three or four visits in kinda lame


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## UnattendedGolfcart

This isn't related to me, but it's funny in a kind of stupid way so I thought I'd share.

My best friend was seeing/hooking up with this guy in my main friend group last year. They kept seeing each other through the summer but it fizzled out apparently. Since the girl in that relationship isn't in my main friend group, she hasn't hung with my group much. I've heard different things between her and him, but it generally sounds like she wanted to see other people and he was a little bit uninteresting even though he wanted a relationship.

So then last night I'm getting ready to go over to her room to have wine and she says "Oh (the guy) is coming over, hope you don't mind" and in my head I think "they're gonna have sex. I know it." So he and I go over there and they're like attached at the hip. I'm spending most of my time with my other girl friend who lives there. Her and I ended up going to a party and meeting up with our other friends. Along the way though we just kept saying "they're gonna hook up." My girl friend kept telling me she wasn't gonna sleep with him, she just wanted to hang.

What happens a few hours later when we're back in our room? He comes back and says "Aaron, we had sex! Twice!" and the absolute SECOND he says that to me I get a text from her saying "f--k f--k f--k f--k" and I almost died laughing. It might sound like I'm a terrible friend but I told her before that they're both gonna get drunk and be horny and do something stupid.

So now he's gonna think that they're back together or something and she's gonna have to explain that they aren't even though she instigated everything in that entire situation. I know both of them, and he definitely wouldn't be putting any moves on her unless she started it. Since there's nothing going on currently in my own love life, I'm interested in seeing how this pans out for both of them.


----------



## asher

Damn kids.


----------



## vansinn

Yes! I love you all, you crazy metal shrapnel producing string twisting sisters 

Oh.. relationships.. well, I have a few observations..
Relationships will benefit more from the absence of the negative than attempting to bring about artificial abundance of the positive.

In other words, differences will occur, and it is how intended we are at dealing with such that will define how well we manage to overcome our differences, and as such, be able to keep respecting one another based on True Understanding, that will keep us happy in our togetherness.

Man, I really need a sweet girlfriend..


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## glassmoon0fo

UnderTheSign said:


> Your question already suggested you think positively of it so why not tell us about it?


 
Well ok. Just a warning, a bunch of unpopular opinion follows.

I went on a nofap challenge about 2 years ago, found it to be a LOT harder to totally quit than I thought. I've also been on a quest to quit smoking for about 6 months, and the feeling is exactly the same. In an addiction, your mind gets used to a stimulus, and begins telling you that you NEED the same reward that you've been getting after said stimulus, thus when I get a major craving for a smoke I feel like nothing is right until I get it. But a little research showed that the freakout was caused by neuroreceptors in the brain that are getting pruned back every time I ride a craving out, and the brain does NOT like to prune itself, so you freak and cravings get stronger. After a week or two, this subsides and you reach a level of normalcy.

This pertains to masturbation in that it usually is accompanied with porn use. The danger there, to me, is that we evolved as small groups of huntergatherers in troops of probably no more than a few dozen, meaning males would only come across receptive young females a few times in their entire life. We see the female, notice her body language and IMMEDIATELY get that dopamine rush that tells us "she ready, I'm ready, go getcha some." 

But, when you are over saturated with images of young ready women, like we are from day one of birth anyway, that dopamine rush just doesn't fire with the same intensity when you see a pretty face, and you certainly don't pick up on all the body language cues that women give CONSTANTLY. 

So, I quit porn and manual stim, and after about a week I started making really solid eye contact with pretty much everyone because I was locked in to every body language cue and interested in every word in a way that I'd forgotten I could be. Sure, I was horny as hell, but that didn't make me a frothing rapist or anything, it just made me super interested in getting to know the women around me. I found that the slightest indication of interest registered immediately with me, rather than me having to sit back and think "was she giving me the green light to come and talk, is she interested, what does this mean", all that stuff, and I also got lots of comments on how my body language had changed as well. And no doubt, my success with women took care of itself accordingly.

See, the way I see it, that "horny dog" feeling that lots of guys want to avoid, is actually just a more normalized, natural state that we aren't used to handling because we numb our senses by wasting sexual energy on pixels on a screen too often. That energy was meant to be used out in the world, and if you're like the average guy and you jack off like twice a week, you probably don't even really remember what it's like to maintain that feeling for an extended period, thus it doesn't FEEL normal, thus you rationalize that you should probably jack it some more 

Look, I don't pretend that I don't do it at all anymore, but I certainly recommend curbing the habit to a much less frequent deal. For me, that "horny dog" feeling means I'm available, ready at ALL times, and have the kind of fervor to put into a real woman that they all look for. Why wouldn't a woman respond to that?

Lastly, I'm sure that a lot of guys' first thought is "bullshit", but I also bet that if you tried to give it up totally, it'd be a LOT harder than you think. That's why I think it's an addiction. We see hot women, want to .... those women, havn't taken the time to develop the skill to do it (or simply convince ourselves that we don't have the skill), and then we waste all that drive in a sock or some shit  It's the same stimulus-reward-rush chain of events that defines every addiction on the planet.

Sorry for the long winded post, it's just that this point of view on the subject has been massively eye opening and beneficial for me, and bringing it up in pretty much any group of males has had about the same amount of success as telling a group of smokers why they should stop smoking. I think it gets us closer to the animalistic wild men that we were bred to be, and that most women want in their men. Not only do I feel more driven to find women, I feel more driven to exibit dominant behavior in every facet of my life, because it ALL ties in to how attractive I am and nofap kinda makes that more of a focus in my every day life. 

Highly recommended, give it a shot guys. I challenge each of you to make it a month without a lapse, see how it makes you feel, and take charge of that feeling. At the very least, feel free to tell us why you plan to keep busting nuts on yourself so often  Thanks for reading, hope you'll consider the material


----------



## UnderTheSign

I don't have a lot of time so I'll keep it short but - everything in your post assumed masturbation as an addiction and assumes getting laid to be the main purpose in life. We're not cavemen anymore so how is being an 'animalistic dominant man' still relevant?

And again, how is rubbing a wank different from actual sex? Both lead to the same conclusion so would you say that getting laid also makes you less 'alpha'?


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## Chokey Chicken

There's also flawed logic in the fact that it's anecdotal evidence. That's what happened to YOU, not how people in general would react. My best friend, and several other friends, have huge porn collections, spank it twice a day, and can/do still go out and get women on the regular. (Though my best friend is now committed so I guess he doesn't anymore.) I know I'm not a male, but once upon a time I used to be into frequent masturbation, and it did nothing to stop me from going out, and succeeding, at picking up men/women. 

I don't fap much, if at all these days. My guy friends do, and will admit that it's difficult to quit. (None of them seem to want to though.) That doesn't mean their body language/dating skills are any better or worse. They just happen to be good at reading body language and fap a lot. 

Apologies in advance. The auto correct on this phone I'm on likes to change words, and I've already corrected a few words that made zero sense.


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## glassmoon0fo

This is what usually happens, someone twists what I say into a negative instead of asking if the info might have some truth to it. I take no offense at all, I just want to be clear and understood, so I'll answer any and all questions and arguments as honest as I know how. 

First, I don't think the urge is addictive in itself, it's perfectly healthy. But when you do it too much for too long, it absolutely is an issue. Being sexually tapped out can definitely start to feel normal, to the point where you don't even know that you've changed your brain chemistry, body language, even the things that sexually arouse you. Consider that very idea, I have no motif behind it.

Next, at a genetic level, procreation IS the purpose of life (FLAMESUIT ON). Every single animal on this planet is evolved to servive, thrive, and pass on the strongest genes possible, not to have sex with fake partners in solitude. The sexual virility that comes from abstaining even a little longer than usual is, I would say on average, undeniably felt by most men, and it can be a powerful drive to succeed in all areas in life when harnessed. I'm not talking about just being a horny womanizing simpleminded machine here here, but I do mean that just about everything we do in life has a tie in to our sexual drive somewhere, whether we realize it or want to admit it, or not. 

And I don't even need to answer what being an 'animalistic dominant man' has to do with it, just ask a girl . It has less to do with the negative side of that simplified example of masculinity, much more to do with the powerful, positive side. 

To answer your last statement, at no point in my mind are sex with a real woman and cranking my meat with my hand of the same value, and the result is not the same either. One can lead to the strengthening of a bond with a potential lover/wife/friend/whatever (or just getting off with someone else, I'm not here to debate that), but how in a healthy mind does that have the same value as jacking it?

I really want the guys here to know that I'm only in this thread to help everyone out. I've been through a lot of the same emotions and situations expressed here, and have done a lot of honest soul searching and educated research on why we are the way we are (I'm a high school teacher, so it's kind of my addiction). I'm not here to belittle, puff my cheats, of whatever, but I seem to get a lot of flack here when I bring up hard questions that people don't want to deal with. So I want to leave a few simple questions for consideration on this subject that I don't expect an answer to:

Have you, as a man, ever considered what it is that women find attractive about men? Especially the things you don't understand? 

Have you gotten used to taking responsibility for all your successes AND failures with women? 

Why would you ever feel the need to defend the ability to masturbate vs having the drive and desire to have sex with a real woman? Is it possible that that is the addicted mind rationalizing? 

Do you think a woman would typically chose a dildo over having sex with a man who she is mutually attracted to, and who desires her above all else?

Lastly, when an ordinary man who has has his problems with attracting and keeping women handled already, offers specific and detailed advice on a subject that can be painful and shameful to deal with, why do you think the initial reaction would be negative?

Again guys, just here to offer a viewpoint. I see a lot of great guys in here that are confused and frustrated because these ideas don't come natural or no one ever taught it to them, and that's totally understandable. But the fact remains, lots of you don't GET IT. I think that learning to direct your sexual energies in a meaningful direction just makes sense, anything else is just beating your meat.

EDIT for cc: I get where you're coming from, I used to be the same way when I was younger, 28 now. To be honest, getting laid so to speak is relatively easy, especially when you're young, but that's not my end game. The idea is to have all your ducks in a row at all times, because you never know when you'll meet a girl who knocks your socks of, and you want to be primed. Anecdotal arguments aside, there's no way for me to guarantee that this is an answer for everyone, I just think it's weird how so many guys defend excessive masturbation


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## Church2224

glassmoon0fo said:


> Have you gotten used to taking responsibility for all your successes AND failures with women?



This is the one I hate, because a lot of guys have the mentality that "If you do not get the girl and you fail it is your fault."

That is highly illogical, sometimes there is something with her because, quite frankly, you are only accountable for 50% of the relationship, there is some one else there too. 

That said, Glassmoon here has helped me out with a lot, and he is good people. 

My issue is I have Asperger's and quite frankly, I have no idea how ordinary PEOPLE think and act 

I had a rough day, though. A girl invited me to a run and I went with her. I met up with her and then another guy she invited came along and she talked to him the rest of the time. I went home, mowed the lawn and played guitar, I am not dealing with that. 

THAT is the shit I do not understand. 

Also for the comment about procreation is what all life is about....I am all about collecting guitars and making money. That takes up 90% of my brain on a daily basis.


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## Chokey Chicken

Biologically, procreation is indeed the point of life. It's why sexual urges are present in the vast majority of people. Unfortunately we threw a wrench in the gears by learning how to keep people alive. A lot of us are meant to die off, but pesky technology and morals won't allow it. 

We invent purpose to exist otherwise. I'm not going to procreate, so biologically I serve no purpose. Doesn't mean I can't enjoy my time on this planet. As a whole, humans have in general become pretty useless, in fact we're dangerous. We contribute literally nothing to ecosystems and the world would likely be better without us. 

Ranting aside, the dude's sort of right. We exist to ..... I don't really agree on the masturbation thing though. As you said though, different pov's.


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## glassmoon0fo

^most def get that Kevin! a lot of guys internalize failure and make it about them, not that there are other people with their own infinitely complicated mind. That's definitely toxic. I definitely need to clerify, what I mean is that we need to take responsibility for our attractiveness. Lots of guys sit in their room, play guitar, rub one out, and call it a day, all the while saying "someday I'll meet a girl who's attracted to this shit" . Would I be wrong to say that when you decided to clean up your appearance and dress for success, you saw results? I know you been through some shit like we all have, and you bounced back like a champ under your own power. that type of taking responsibility is what I meant. Thanks for pointing that out. Btw never would have guessed you had Aspergers, you don't seem any worse off than the average friend of mine lol.

And bro, I'm going through the same jealousy plot right now. Girl I've known forever is asking me out all the time with her group of friends, including this one guy she tells me has such a huge dick she's not interested in banging him anymore lol. I'm cool with being friends, but I'm not cool with being used. Headed to her place in a few, if she tries anything fishy I'm gonna act like I'm trying to .... him too. She don't know who she's dealing with 

EDIT: ninja'd. Dude it's getting to some deep shit in here, be careful or we might start figuring out all kinds of stuff. Didn't know you were not male, CC. Cool to hear your perspective, feel like I understand a little more


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## TheHandOfStone

TBH I've heard conflicting reports on research into porn's effects and addictive properties. I'm withholding judgment for now, though I appreciate everything all of you have said so far.


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## Gothic Headhunter

Chokey Chicken said:


> We invent purpose to exist otherwise. I'm not going to procreate, so biologically I serve no purpose.



Just because you're not going to pass on your genes, doesn't mean you can't prevent someone else from passing on theirs. You still serve a purpose biologically.


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## Chokey Chicken

That's a fair point, actually. If humans functioned like intended or however you want to word it, I'd be part of the natural population control. Sex is still a driving force though.


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## BlackMastodon




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## glassmoon0fo

Cute


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## UnattendedGolfcart

Last night I was at a party that was okay, but not entirely fun. I was a bit drunk and kinda just had that tired-lonely feeling going on for whatever reason. I actually texted the girl who I was seeing in the summer and was asking her if she wanted to hang out in my room...with nobody else. She declined politely because she was getting ready for bed.

A few minutes after she went to bed I was actually glad she declined. I think in that moment I just felt lonely and wanted to have sex with someone. The thing is after her being disrespectful to me and not talking to me for so long I don't even want to hang out with her, in any capacity. So I'm glad she didn't have me come back to see her. I tried to have sex with someone I don't even like because I felt lonely... A little bit after I realized that I actually felt better. It's not worth me trying to get laid if it's seriously going to be that hollow for me.

I thought "There's no need for me to feel lonely. I've got my friends and this party." And then the cops came and the party ended  still it was fine.


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## piggins411

I tried the whole no fap thing for about a month. I felt about the same.


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## OmegaSlayer

Engaged from 16 years, she has BIG problems in her family (mother has ALS), she's depressed, no sex, I love her as a sister, help her and her family financially, can't leave her into shit.
She wants me to ditch her, but then she would refuse help...so I pretend, she can't go through this alone.

Then there's "X", who I deeply love, platonically, but maybe she doesn't love me, she's not in my city and I don't want to talk about it, thing is so f'up and weird it's beyond incredible.
Don't ask about it, won't spill a bean about it 

2 girls in the area where I work (with my gf) wants to f! me.
One is stupid, so the whole world would know so...no
The other...I care for her, I like her, a lot, but I've got too many problems and she deserves better, not a part time lover, she needs a full time guy giving her all the attentions she deserves 24/7 and not just a "filling" so...no

Since my mental health was going to pieces in all this and the hormones were killing me...the solution is that I pick up girls (well, mostly 30+ horny women actually with some exceptions) in pub/clubs and have 1 night of fun at least once a week
Feeling better lately overall, and being able to better deal with the other relations, even if when I literally enter back in my home after that I feel the universal emptiness until I wake up 
I had never betrayed physically my gf in 15 years and a half before, just in my head and dreams with "X" if it accounts for betrayal.
One day I really really cracked badly.




My mother always worked and never had time for me, my father worked a lot and when I was a kid he beat me up a ton and recently left with another woman after stealing mine and my mother's money...they weren't loving parents.
I'm a mess, maybe I don't know myself how to love others, I might feel things, but I'm totally unable to show it I guess.
I'm 36...I'm not scared to die, I'm scared to die without having experienced the feeling of being truly loved, of being the most important person for someone.
People just think I'm the cynic hard ass mofo but I'm just a teddy bear that wants some cuddles.


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## glassmoon0fo

@ piggins, That's a good thing man, just means your have a firm base in the realities of human interaction. It may also mean you're young and pretty much undistractable from women lol. I've been doing it since college, and I've had the discussion many times under different circumstances, with lots of people, guys and girls alike, floating different results. It isn't a cure all for anyone, but it can be a sizable piece to the puzzleing question of why some people have trouble making connections with potential partners. It's also, understandably, a question a lot of people are too ashamed or weirded out by to even consider the validity of (see Homer gif above). I get it, but I don't think we should ever sweep those kinds of things under the rug just because they make us squirm. You never know who you may help, and you may even figure out something you've never admitted to yourself.

Thanks for the mature discussion. I have been down the road with a lot of controversial ideas about the so-called human mating ritual, and the one thing that has been a constant is that people everywhere seem to cling to the idea that we are so far removed from our animal ancestry that we are taking a step back by discussing our base drives. Had a short conversation with Tosin from ANimals as Leaders about that same thing at a show in Dallas back in 2010 (mankind as a big headed advanced animal tribe, not the other stuff lol), turns out that's where the name of his band comes from. It was encouraging to know that other intellectuals think the same way.


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## Obsidian Soul

glassmoon0fo said:


> It's also, understandably, a question a lot of people are too ashamed or weirded out by to even consider the validity of (see Homer gif above). I get it, but I don't think we should ever sweep those kinds of things under the rug just because they make us squirm. You never know who you may help, and you may even figure out something you've never admitted to yourself.


To clarify,I liked the Homer gif because I thought it was funny and didn't feel like arguing/discussing the topic again.

Anyways,I'm glad that this time you specified this time that your theory is not a universal solution for everybody.


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## TheHandOfStone

BlackMastodon said:


>


----------



## Church2224

I got to love people, I really do. 

My girlfriend and I broke up back in February, with the agreement being mutual and we would still do the physical aspects of things. Then three weeks later she was with some else. Well back in June she wanted to give it another shot and everything was going well. Granted I saw her once, maybe twice a week, but still I was happy. Weird thing is that she never really wanted a relationship but still wanted to spend time with me and have lots of awesome sex. 

Then one night, on my birthday back in August, she spent all of the time with my friends and never really talked to me. I said my goodbyes and that was it. The next day she told me she was not ready for a relationship and I understood, saying she did not want me to get attached and get hurt and she did not want a boyfriend. 

Well, last night one of my friends confessed to me that she had been sleeping around with a lot of guys and one of my closer friends was sleeping with her as well (Which was weird since we had awesome sex). I got pissed, started calling every one and found out my friends were keeping me in the dark the whole time, and this so called buddy of mine was banging her and trying to date her behind my back...

I talked to her about it today, to get her side of everything. She kept avoiding the answers and kept avoiding what I wanted, and said everyone else is spreading rumors around. She said what him and her do is none of anyone's business, but when I asked her, she said she had been sleeping with him and tried to pin everything back on me. 

Apparently she confessed that she had been sleeping with him because "she deserves to be happy" and they never told me because all of my close friends advised against it and told them to keep me in the dark.

Sad, I tried to kill myself last year over the same thing, a friend of mine was dating a girl behind my back, and both of these people knew this story, and they did the same damn thing. 

Some world we live in huh? I know I am by know means perfect, but I am still learning how to care about some one, and I wish some one would understand that. 

I am now without a girl, my confidence is in the hole because they all tried to pin this back on me, and I am down to only a couple of friends as I feel like I can only trust a couple of people.


----------



## Explorer

Just a few thoughts:

The workers in an ant hill or a bee hive don't have reproduction as their purpose. I get what you're saying, that a species where all members aren't into reproduction at all will probably die out, but reproduction is the main drive. *Sexual pleasure* is a huge drive, as is any activity which produces pleasure in the brain. That's why you see other mammalian species masturbating. It feels good. That's why you see dogs humping a stuffed toys, or why male dolphins hump each other. 

As to masturbation = addiction... if someone likes chocolate quite a bit more than other food, I think I'd need to see some fairly radical behavior before I call it an addiction. I've known addicts who genuinely couldn't stop something, even with horrible consequences looming. Geez, I'm even aware of this couple who loved to ski and bike, were all over the outdoor activity thing... but because they were feeling a little chubby and someone gave them a "diet pill" which gave them energy and helped them avoid food craving... yup, it was meth. Now, no jobs, sold off all the sports equipment, and losing their teeth because they just can't stop. 

So for me, the definition of "addiction" is probably more like the clinical definition, rather than the "I'm addicted to Arby's Meat Mountain!" kind of thing. 

If someone got arrested because they couldn't help but engage in frottage or public masturbation, then I'd agree with calling it addiction. 

I'd say the same thing if someone said that screen time (phone, computer, TV, etc.) was an addiction. If you can turn it off in order to go to earn an living, I'd need some really strong evidence to show how it's an addiction. 

Anyway, neither here nor there, because no one was really asking how to stop an addiction to masturbation that I read. Maybe I missed the reason for all that advice....


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## glassmoon0fo

The reason was a simple exploration of possibilities. Human's naturally have a sensitivity to social status and often assign it value on principle, and when I think "high status" I don't think, "that guy is an advocate of frequent self-lovin'". Just just a thought I figured I'd put up for discussion, in the spirit of being proactive.

Btw, the workers in the hive fiercely protect the queen, and if she should be lost the top priority is to foster a new one. So even though the individual isn't sex-driven, the species definitely is. There are definitely some hos out there that have about as many frustrated chumps orbiting them as a queen ant though, so maybe we aren't as far removed from them as I'm thinking.

Lastly, if addiction is too strong a word, consider it over-indulgence. If said friend was to indulge in too much chocolate, best believe there would be negative effects like weight gain, blood sugar issues, etc. my point never was that it's always detrimental, just that maybe some people have never considered the nagar ive effects of too much of somethin that makes you feel good. It's called super stimulants, we invented that shit and almost all of them have detrimental effects when over used. Again just for consideration, I'm not a crusader or anything, I just think single women suffer most in a society where men don't wake up every morning super excited to meet them. They work really hard to make themselves attractive, let's show some goddamned respect and appreciation 

And Kevin, keep your head up man, you come too far for shitty people doin shitty things to set you back. Hit me up sometime man, got a story for you.


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## UnattendedGolfcart

This is, what, the third or fourth time now I've spent the day talking to a girl I had a thing with two years ago. ...yeah third time.

Where she talks to me, initially hopes I'm doing well, we talk throughout the day, it's nice, and then it ends badly because she's upset that I don't know what she wants when she will literally say "I don't want to tell you things because I'm afraid of the answer".

She didn't want a real relationship with me when we were actually seeing each other, she made it seem as if saying "I have feelings for you" is supposed to be so significant when you're seeing someone even though that's just supposed to be the case, she took my damn virginity and at the time seemed like that was nothing. Apparently she wants a relationship now, when she's at FIT and I'm four hours from her. I can't even tell. I don't know why I do this. Literally every situation that I've been in with her in any capacity since ending things with her has gone like this.

I feel bad for her which is why I'll talk to her and she's so stupidly sexy to me which doesn't help me out at all.

She'll do the thing where she throws out phrases that are meant to make me mad. Ex. "I guess I just value people more than they value me" and I don't take the bait, so she just gets quiet.

It's ridiculous. And I never see it coming because every single time when we're initially talking it's about positive things or maybe sexy things or something and then bam I have to go to bed with this on my mind.

I mentioned this thing with her took place two years ago and she's just now being serious about wanting something with me, right?

I'm so physically and mentally tired right now from this. I'm done with trying with people right now because nobody knows what the hell they want. I'm about to tell myself that the only girls I'm going to try to get with now are girls I don't know at parties or something. I need something simple.


----------



## Riffer

I don't know if some of you remember my ordeal from almost 2 months ago with my crazy ex and all the screenshots of the texts I posted. Well I figured maybe she calmed down and we could finally talk and have some sort of closure/friendly relationship. I setup a time and place to meet. Well needless to say I'm a complete idiot for thinking she would be in any shape to actually have an adult conversation. She's still psycho and still "loves" me even though her actions obviously show signs of the opposite and serious mental issues. I should have listened to you guys and the majority of friends and family that said never talk to her again lol. Oh well, back to the dating pool I go. Wish em luck


----------



## asher

@UG: Why do you still respond to her?


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Because deep down I want there to be closure or some stupid new start thing. There won't be, though, unless it involves me telling her we cant talk anymore. I feel like a huge arse doing that because I've said some things that were more meant to calm her down than be actually how I feel. I doubt she's gonna talk to me today though.

I really don't know why I do some of the things I do.


----------



## ambler3

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Last night I was at a party that was okay, but not entirely fun. I was a bit drunk and kinda just had that tired-lonely feeling going on for whatever reason. I actually texted the girl who I was seeing in the summer and was asking her if she wanted to hang out in my room...with nobody else. She declined politely because she was getting ready for bed.
> 
> A few minutes after she went to bed I was actually glad she declined. I think in that moment I just felt lonely and wanted to have sex with someone. The thing is after her being disrespectful to me and not talking to me for so long I don't even want to hang out with her, in any capacity. So I'm glad she didn't have me come back to see her. I tried to have sex with someone I don't even like because I felt lonely... A little bit after I realized that I actually felt better. It's not worth me trying to get laid if it's seriously going to be that hollow for me.
> 
> I thought "There's no need for me to feel lonely. I've got my friends and this party." And then the cops came and the party ended  still it was fine.


 
Kind of understand you there. I find often at parties when it all starts to slow down, I often like to give myself a little space, like if i'm having a good conversation with someone at the time, just chill and chat to them and kinda blank the rest of the world out..or if i'm not, just go for a wander/zone out for a bit and take some time to myself.
Don't understand it entirely myself, but I can't see it as being anything bad either.


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## UnderTheSign

Obsidian Soul said:


> To clarify,I liked the Homer gif because I thought it was funny and didn't feel like arguing/discussing the topic again.
> 
> Anyways,I'm glad that this time you specified this time that your theory is not a universal solution for everybody.


Last bit. You did make it seem like some glorious solution to all men's issues (and admittedly I skipped the bit in your first long post where you implied combining a fap with visual material) and I don't know if it was intentional or not but you had some condescending bits in there. It reminded me of preachy vegans and religious people though, telling others why their way of life is better.

That said I wouldn't know about the fap/porn addiction as I haven't actively watched porn for 2 years or so (not because I don't like it, I simply refuse to support the majority of that industry) and rub one out once, maybe twice a week max (more if I don't see my gf that week which rarely happens) and I've also been in a relationship for well over a year. While not a conventionally attractive guy by any means I've never really had any problems meeting women or getting laid. 

What I didn't like about the way you put it - and maybe that was partially my misunderstanding - is the importance of dominance which is largely misused by PUA writers and others who consider women something you conquer with tricks and whatnot. Funnily enough, I've yet to meet one of those 'alpha' men who had actually pro created or managed to stay with a woman for a longer period of time. 

As for sex vs fapping, what I mean was how well does your body/brain realise the difference? Is the value different when you have safe sex vs inseminating your partner? 

I'm not defending excessive masturbation here but I do think theres a huge gap between excessive masturbation and not fapping at all.


----------



## JoshuaVonFlash

^ Obsidian didn't write the no fap post that was glassmoon.


----------



## UnderTheSign

JoshuaVonFlash said:


> ^ Obsidian didn't write the no fap post that was glassmoon.


I know, just indicating I agreed with his last paragraph. My bad if it seemed that way


----------



## BlackMastodon

glassmoon0fo said:


> @ piggins, That's a good thing man, just means your have a firm base in the realities of human interaction. It may also mean you're young and pretty much undistractable from women lol. I've been doing it since college, and I've had the discussion many times under different circumstances, with lots of people, guys and girls alike, floating different results. It isn't a cure all for anyone, but it can be a sizable piece to the puzzleing question of why some people have trouble making connections with potential partners. It's also, understandably, a question a lot of people are too ashamed or weirded out by to even consider the validity of (see Homer gif above). I get it, but I don't think we should ever sweep those kinds of things under the rug just because they make us squirm. You never know who you may help, and you may even figure out something you've never admitted to yourself.
> 
> Thanks for the mature discussion. I have been down the road with a lot of controversial ideas about the so-called human mating ritual, and the one thing that has been a constant is that people everywhere seem to cling to the idea that we are so far removed from our animal ancestry that we are taking a step back by discussing our base drives. Had a short conversation with Tosin from ANimals as Leaders about that same thing at a show in Dallas back in 2010 (mankind as a big headed advanced animal tribe, not the other stuff lol), turns out that's where the name of his band comes from. It was encouraging to know that other intellectuals think the same way.



Just to be clear, the Homer gif was because I remember what happened the last time you brought up the no masturbating thing and was just meant as a joke. I'm with Piggins, though, I've tried to for a month or 2 and didn't feel any different.


----------



## asher

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Because deep down I want there to be closure or some stupid new start thing. There won't be, though, unless it involves me telling her we cant talk anymore. I feel like a huge arse doing that because I've said some things that were more meant to calm her down than be actually how I feel. I doubt she's gonna talk to me today though.
> 
> I really don't know why I do some of the things I do.



Well, I mean, you do. But it doesn't really seem like anything's going to break your way here in terms of closure... so I suspect it's time to get some by telling her you can't keep doing this.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Right guys, loud and clear.


----------



## DoomJazz

Coming back after what feels like forever to wish everyone a healthy and happy love life. Hope everyone is doing well.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Today is my birthday,and I thought I would've been with girly.Instead,we're on the bus and avoid each other.She even speaks to the guy beside me.It just feels so weird being around someone you know and pretending like they don't even exist..


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Happy Birthday man! Hope you make today about you, and your own happiness.

There's a girl who lives across from me who I've talked to a bit. I'm just gonna focus on her. You want to know why? Because when I think of her I don't think about just having sex with her. I think about walking around holding hands with her and cuddling up with her.

That's right guys, I finally have an actual crush for once, not a desire to just get laid.


----------



## piggins411

So while we're in the middle of this wankscussion (?), I'm curious to see how you guys feel about masturbation w/o pornographic aid, particularly glassmoon since you're a bit more involved in the discussion


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

piggins411 said:


> So while we're in the middle of this wankscussion (?), I'm curious to see how you guys feel about masturbation w/o pornographic aid, particularly glassmoon since you're a bit more involved in the discussion



Do you mean without porno vids or without absolutely anything?

I have some less than clothed pictures of an attractive lady friend of mine, so I can use those if need be. If I had nothing at all to go off of, it definitely takes longer, but it leaves a bit more to the imagination. If I can get it done without any aid at all then I feel like I accomplished something


----------



## vilk

I invited my Japanese ex-girlfriend to come visit me in Chicago for two weeks. Before inviting her, I did talk to some people about it--every single one of whom immediately told me that it's a bad idea and I shouldn't do it. But here is my reasoning:

-I'm miserable and I've got nothing going for me anyway. I don't have any pressing plans or friends or love interests or any reason that I can't put my life on pause for 2 weeks (aside from work). I would say to myself _stop wasting your time on this girl_ but I've already been back here for half a year now and have done exactly jack squat with my 'time'. 

-Everyone is telling me 'if you see this girl again it's going to rock you emotionally and you'll be all upset all over again'... but like, recently I've been so feeling bottom of the bottom that frankly I can't see myself being any more emotionally distraught than I already am. I actually wasn't that upset when we broke up the first time, since it was my idea to move back to USA and I was excited to be single and all that jazz anyway. But the other day when I found myself ripping 6 pages off my calender it really got to me that I'm not happy like that I thought I would be--even quite the opposite. So if my unhappiness is at a 10 out of 10, and I spend 2 weeks with a girl that I'm not entirely over, the worst thing that could happen is that it goes down for a couple weeks before spiking back up to where it was in the first place. What's the loss there?

The only problem I can see is that it might (read: certainly will) end up ....ing with her emotions. But I've laid it all out for her, and she says that she's coming from basically the same place I am-- that it's been 6 months she's still unhappy anyway isn't doing anything wants to go on vacation and wants to see me and #yolo etc. etc. She can make her own dumb decision to come here the exact same way I can make my own dumb decision to tell her she's welcome.


Here's the debate:
How should I approach interacting with her when I see her? Should I act like when we were when still together? I mean, wouldn't that be making the most of seeing her?
Or should I try to act different from before. Should I try to act according to the reality that we _aren't_ a couple and we are just ... friends? ex's? I'm sure it's inevitable that we'll have lots of sex (bcause we freaks), but I guarantee that some point she's going to start busting out the word "love" ...and I'm pretty torn about what to do when that happens. I mean, leaving someone hanging on that is pretty cold. But saying it would only encourage things we shouldn't feel anyway. But then again her visiting me fundamentally encourages things we shouldn't be feeling... 

Meh. Whatever. I'd even say, "Well, let's see what happens and call it a learning experience". Except that it's not. I've done something similar to this like 4 or 5 times in my life. Maybe I'm just an emotional masochist.


----------



## vilk

I invited my Japanese ex-girlfriend to come visit me in Chicago for two weeks. Before inviting her (and even though I'm using the word invite, it was originally her idea), I did talk to some people about it--every single one of whom immediately told me that it's a bad idea and I shouldn't do it. But here is my reasoning:

-I'm miserable and I've got nothing going for me anyway. I don't have any pressing plans or friends or love interests or any reason that I can't put my life on pause for 2 weeks (aside from work). I would say to myself _stop wasting your time on this girl_ but I've already been back here for half a year now and have done exactly jack squat with my 'time'. 

-Everyone is telling me 'if you see this girl again it's going to rock you emotionally and you'll be all upset all over again'... but like, recently I've been so feeling bottom of the bottom that frankly I can't see myself being any more emotionally distraught than I already am. I actually wasn't that upset when we broke up the first time, since it was my idea to move back to USA and I was excited to be single and all that jazz anyway. But the other day when I found myself ripping 6 pages off my calender it really got to me that I'm not happy like that I thought I would be--even quite the opposite. So if my unhappiness is at a 10 out of 10, and I spend 2 weeks with a girl that I'm not entirely over, the worst thing that could happen is that it goes down for a couple weeks before spiking back up to where it was in the first place. What's the loss there?

The only problem I can see is that it might (read: certainly will) end up ....ing with her emotions. But I've laid it all out for her, and she says that she's coming from basically the same place I am-- that it's been 6 months she's still unhappy anyway isn't doing anything wants to go on vacation and wants to see me and #yolo etc. etc. She can make her own dumb decision to come here the exact same way I can make my own dumb decision to tell her she's welcome.


Here's the debate:
How should I approach interacting with her when I see her? Should I act like when we were when still together? I mean, wouldn't that be making the most of seeing her?
Or should I try to act different from before. Should I try to act according to the reality that we _aren't_ a couple and we are just ... friends? ex's? I'm sure it's inevitable that we'll have lots of sex (bcause we freaks), but I guarantee that some point she's going to start busting out the word "love" ...and I'm pretty torn about what to do when that happens. I mean, leaving someone hanging on that is pretty cold. But saying it would only encourage things we shouldn't feel anyway. But then again her visiting me fundamentally encourages things we shouldn't be feeling... 

Meh. Whatever. I'd even say, "Well, let's see what happens and call it a learning experience". Except that it's not. I've done something similar to this like 4 or 5 times in my life. Maybe I'm just an emotional masochist.


----------



## cwhitey2

vilk said:


> I'm miserable and I've got nothing going for me anyway. I don't have any pressing plans or friends or love interests or any reason that I can't put my life on pause for 2 weeks (aside from work). I would say to myself _stop wasting your time on this girl_ but I've already been back here for half a year now and have done exactly jack squat with my 'time'.




I have learned to hard way.


Question: Why are you miserable? Is it YOU? Is it because a lack of relationships? 

You need to narrow that down first before you enter a relationship.

Entering a relationship being miserable doesn't mean you will be happy if you're not happy with yourself first.


----------



## vilk

Woah woah woah--I'm not entering a relationship. I'm just having my ex over to play for 2 weeks. She couldn't be my gf even if she wanted to she has no permission to live in USA.
And I know that I'm miserable with myself and that I shouldn't be in a relationship. But I digress.


----------



## cwhitey2

vilk said:


> Woah woah woah--I'm not entering a relationship. I'm just having my ex over to play for 2 weeks. She couldn't be my gf even if she wanted to she has no permission to live in USA.




OK good!


----------



## no_dice

You don't necessarily have to be okay with yourself. I hate myself and my marriage is great!


----------



## Explorer

@vilk - So, you're already miserable, so you think you've hit bottom emotionally, so you're going to do this thing which can't possibly make you feel even worse.

Which is something those who know you well have already pointed out, that it will make you feel even worse.

My conclusion from what you've presented? You're trying to hit bottom. 

"I'm already completely fvcked up, so it doesn't matter what I do to myself at this point."

Doesn't that sound like... well, let me put some ideas out there.

"It doesn't matter anyway, so I'm going to try this drug."

"It doesn't matter anyway, so I'm not using a condom."

"It doesn't matter anyway, so I'm engaging in risky or bad behavior." 

Your concern isn't for you because even though everyone who knows you knows this is going to drive you even further towards the bottom, you don' matter. Your concern is for someone else, not for you. 

Therefore, *my question to you isn't about whether or not this is a good idea, but about whether the self-destructive thinking I outlined above sound close to your reasoning*.

*Then, on top of that... "I don't care about the results to me, but should I care about whether my not caring about me will fvck someone else up?"

*
*If your friends are so sh1tty to you that you can't rely on them to care about you and be honest with you , you should ditch them. 

And if they do care about you and know you better than us and aren't sh1tty to you, why are you looking for validation of this kind of thinking from relative strangers when those who know you already think this is a bad idea? 
*


----------



## vilk

Because that's not the point. I'm fine with the decision I kinda already made before I asked anyone at all lol.

I just meant more about how I should go about actually interacting w her.


----------



## piggins411

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Do you mean without porno vids or without absolutely anything?
> 
> I have some less than clothed pictures of an attractive lady friend of mine, so I can use those if need be. If I had nothing at all to go off of, it definitely takes longer, but it leaves a bit more to the imagination. If I can get it done without any aid at all then I feel like I accomplished something




Hmmm...Either or I suppose. Even both if you'd like


----------



## Explorer

@vilk - Well then, if you care about this girl the way you say you do, then let her know your thoughts on this, so that she can give informed consent.

And if you don't tell her because her being informed, and possibly saying no in order to take care of herself, is not a risk you want to take... then that would be dishonesty in order to procure sex. 

Would that be the kind of person you want to be?

You never know... she might be up for that kind of no-strings thing, and that would be fine and good, since it would be a mutual decision. 

It's late, so maybe I misread your post, and she already knows all this stuff.


----------



## asher

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> There's a girl who lives across from me who I've talked to a bit. I'm just gonna focus on her. You want to know why? Because when I think of her I don't think about just having sex with her. I think about walking around holding hands with her and cuddling up with her.
> 
> That's right guys, I finally have an actual crush for once, not a desire to just get laid.



From being in a not-dissimilar situation right now... it's not that much better, if any. At least when your crush is a coworker with a boyfriend


----------



## Church2224

If you are miserable because of a lack of a relationship, you should not be in a relationship. You need to be happy on your own in order to find some one else. 

My ex kept telling me that she needed some one to fulfill an emotional need inside of her, and honestly that is why we failed together. You cannot be in a relationship that is a give and take, where one is fulfilling the need of another. 

In reality, you should only be in a real relationship because you care about the other person, not because of an economic benefit.


----------



## Konfyouzd

no_dice said:


> You don't necessarily have to be okay with yourself. I hate myself and my marriage is great!



"Hating" yourself is what drives you to be stronger. It's only bad when you let it get you down. I just know I could always be better. 

That said... I haven't been spending any time worried about women at all. Getting back into my cars and my guitars... I feel good again.


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> "Hating" yourself is what drives you to be stronger. It's only bad when you let it get you down. I just know I could always be better.
> 
> That said... I haven't been spending any time worried about women at all. Getting back into my cars and my guitars... I feel good again.



Nah. There's a pretty big difference between knowing things you want to change about yourself and hating yourself.


----------



## cwhitey2

Konfyouzd said:


> "Hating" yourself is what drives you to be stronger. It's only bad when you let it get you down. I just know I could always be better.
> 
> That said... I haven't been spending any time worried about women at all. Getting back into my cars and my guitars... I feel good again.






There are only 2 things i'm worried about anymore.

1) getting awesome at golf

2) slow down on drinking


----------



## asher

Ohhhhh golf.

'tis a silly sport.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

vilk said:


> Because that's not the point. I'm fine with the decision I kinda already made before I asked anyone at all lol.
> 
> I just meant more about how I should go about actually interacting w her.



I seem to recall this girl being the one who wanted to marry you to keep either you in Japan, or allow her to stay in America with you. ie: She wanted a serious committed relationship and you did not. With that, I'd treat her just as a friend so as not to give false ideas in anyone's head. Judging the way you talk of sex in general, I feel that it doesn't really matter what any of us are going to say, and you're just going to take it as an opportunity to get your deck wet.

I don't know either of you personally, but going on what I feel I know, I can sort of see this whole thing fall to pieces by the end. There's a huge possibility that you will come out of this feeling worse than when you went into it. 

Good luck regardless. I hope all goes well for you and her.


----------



## metalmonster

I have a crush on the girl living in the building on the other side of the street (same floor, so her window is right in front of mine) She waves at me every chance she gets ... she seems real cute, i talked to her, but i have to push it further and invite her over. I don't know, after all, i just can go all "i just made coffee, want some ? "


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

metalmonster said:


> I have a crush on the girl living in the building on the other side of the street (same floor, so her window is right in front of mine) She waves at me every chance she gets ... she seems real cute, i talked to her, but i have to push it further and invite her over. I don't know, after all, i just can go all "i just made coffee, want some ? "



That would be great! It's also realistic, it'll probably work. Just go talk to her and be straightforward, if she's friendly she'll accept your offer. Talk to her more and see where things go from there.
I'm in the same camp. I want to talk to the girl across from me, one day I may just say, "hey want to come play video games" or just hang out. I mean, she's right there.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> That would be great! It's also realistic, it'll probably work. Just go talk to her and be straightforward, if she's friendly she'll accept your offer. Talk to her more and see where things go from there.
> I'm in the same camp. I want to talk to the girl across from me, one day I may just say, "hey want to come play video games" or just hang out. I mean, she's right there.



I see that a lot of people do this successfully,but it never works for me for whatever reason.I feel doomed by fate.

Edit:Also,I just realized I got negative rep from referring to peers of the opposite gender as "females."Objection.Referring to females my age as women can be a bit of a stretch in some scenarios(18-19).I even tried to avoid saying girl even though there are some my age that act like immature brats.I'm in awe at such an almost feministic maneuver...


----------



## Explorer

metalmonster said:


> I have a crush on the girl living in the building on the other side of the street (same floor, so her window is right in front of mine) She waves at me every chance she gets ... she seems real cute, i talked to her, but i have to push it further and invite her over. I don't know, after all, i just can go all "i just made coffee, want some ? "



A sign held up, reading "Come over for coffee!" and you holding up a cup, would win hearts in a lot of situations. You're number on sign number two, asking her to call you and let you know, would also help move things along.

But I'm okay with the goofy stuff.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Explorer said:


> A sign held up, reading "Come over for coffee!" and you holding up a cup, would win hearts in a lot of situations. You're number on sign number two, asking her to call you and let you know, would also help move things along.
> 
> But I'm okay with the goofy stuff.



If I was a girl and a guy did that I would bone them right there.


----------



## metalmonster

Well, amazing. I'm gonna just do that, i don't think the sign is necessary, our windows are only 4 to 5 meters apart. It's no big distance. And i'm sure she'll be happy i invite her for coffee, otherwise, why does she always waves at me with a big smile  (i do wave back with a smile and already talked with her once).

It's just the context, it's so lovely.


----------



## Konfyouzd

asher said:


> Nah. There's a pretty big difference between knowing things you want to change about yourself and hating yourself.



I guess I just have a loose interpretation of the word "hate". The things I wanna change I say I "hate," however that word seems to hit with more force with others.


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> I guess I just have a loose interpretation of the word "hate". The things I wanna change I say I "hate," however that word seems to hit with more force with others.



Ah, totally fair.

I feel like there's the casual hate like that, but also some significant self image/self esteem things floating around (I would know!) that make the full use applicable, too.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Obsidian Soul said:


> I see that a lot of people do this successfully,but it never works for me for whatever reason.I feel doomed by fate.
> 
> Edit:Also,I just realized I got negative rep from referring to peers of the opposite gender as "females."Objection.Referring to females my age as women can be a bit of a stretch in some scenarios(18-19).I even tried to avoid saying girl even though there are some my age that act like immature brats.I'm in awe at such an almost feministic maneuver...


I'm not the anonymous negger here but I will say this: any time I see/hear a guy refer to a woman specifically as a "female" it makes me cringe. They're people, not subjects in a biology textbook. Another reason it makes me cringe is because it just reminds me of fedora wearing neckbeards who say "m'lady". *shiver*


----------



## cwhitey2

Konfyouzd said:


> I guess I just have a loose interpretation of the word "hate". The things I wanna change I say I "hate," however that word seems to hit with more force with others.



TOTALLY agree.


I tend to hurt people with that word haha


----------



## Obsidian Soul

BlackMastodon said:


> I'm not the anonymous negger here but I will say this: any time I see/hear a guy refer to a woman specifically as a "female" it makes me cringe. They're people, not subjects in a biology textbook. Another reason it makes me cringe is because it just reminds me of fedora wearing neckbeards who say "m'lady". *shiver*


I'm not going to have a drawn out,heated debate/argument,so I'm going to say what I need to say and drop it.

1.Men get called all kinds of boys,males,dudes,etc.,but I have yet to see any man have a fit over it.There's a double standard for you.

2.Since when did female become a demeaning term?It seems people have become accustomed to girls or b!tches,but condemn me for saying females.

3.Who cares?The word had nothing to do with what I was talking about,and everyone knows what demographic I'm talking about.Someone must really need some help if the word bothered them so much that they had to go on my page and neg rep me with a subjective argument that has no factual or at least anecdotal foundation.Besides,I see women being referred to by different names on this thread anyway.

Next time someone calls me something other than a man,I'm going to b!tch about how I'm not a lab experiment.You see how ignorant I sound right now?


----------



## UnderTheSign

Obsidian Soul said:


> I'm not going to have a drawn out,heated debate/argument,so I'm going to say what I need to say and drop it.
> 
> 1.Men get called all kinds of boys,males,dudes,etc.,but I have yet to see any man have a fit over it.There's a double standard for you.
> 
> 2.Since when did female become a demeaning term?It seems people have become accustomed to girls or b!tches,but condemn me for saying females.
> 
> 3.Who cares?The word had nothing to do with what I was talking about,and everyone knows what demographic I'm talking about.Someone must really need some help if the word bothered them so much that they had to go on my page and neg rep me with a subjective argument that has no factual or at least anecdotal foundation.Besides,I see women being referred to by different names on this thread anyway.
> 
> Next time someone calls me something other than a man,I'm going to b!tch about how I'm not a lab experiment.You see how ignorant I sound right now?


I sort of agree with BlackMastodon, depending on the context it can make them sound like a biological term rather than people. I'd still prefer it over bitches, but then again, I assume anyone with an IQ over 80 has stopped seriously calling women bitches by now.

Also, you seem to care enough  Just saying, dude, guy, bro (if that's your culture, I guess) etc are all informal ways to call men. I believe the term translates to colloquial language? Same goes for women, girls, lass, even chick. I have yet to see anyone have a problem with those. There's your not so double standard.

Nice jab at feminism though, speaking of lack of foundation.



Konfyouzd said:


> I guess I just have a loose interpretation of the word "hate". The things I wanna change I say I "hate," however that word seems to hit with more force with others.


I think stuff like 'hate' depends a lot on context. If you had a bad day at work/school and say "Man, I hate my job" I doubt anyone would take it seriously. I think in your case though yeah, that's a different interpretation. I mean, if you stick to the actual definition of hate and genuinely say "I hate myself", I doubt you'd feel so positive about things


----------



## Konfyouzd

Say negger 3x fast...


----------



## Konfyouzd

cwhitey2 said:


> TOTALLY agree.
> 
> 
> I tend to hurt people with that word haha



Yea I've told a few chicks that jokingly after they make a good joke and they get sad and think I actually hate them as a result of the joke when what I really meant was "Dammit... Well played!"


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> Say negger 3x fast...



Get some Dave Chappelle in here, stat!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Don't be afraid, Jasper!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Konfyouzd said:


> Say negger 3x fast...



"The clue is: 'People who annoy you...'"


----------



## UnderTheSign

No clue what's going on here now and I'm dead sober


----------



## BlackMastodon

I did it and Dave Chappelle appeared in my mirror dressed in colonial garb and baby powdered face with a pint of Samuel L Jackon beer and he's yelling at me to start fights halp


----------



## Chokey Chicken

10-1 It was a male who bitches about the use of the word "female." I didn't see the post in question, but using the terms male and female are absolutely acceptable in a lot of cases. Women, girls, ladies, chicks... dude, guy, male, bro. Who gives a damn? 

So long as you're not stepping over boundaries and making individuals uncomfortable, they're all perfectly fine terms in casual non - formal conversation. (Ie: m ' lady is massively uncomfortable.)


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Didn't anybody ever tell you?! Nothing wets panties faster than political correctness.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Someone tell me how to go tell the girl across the hall that I think she's cute.

It could be entirely simple like "go knock on her door, say hi, and ask her to hang out" or something. I just need to do it already haha.


----------



## JosephAOI

So uh, it's been about two weeks since everything went to hell for me. I started trying to talk to women about a week ago. Developed a crush on this one girl. Pretty sure she doesn't like me at all. Almost had a date today with another girl but she flaked.

Wow. I just feel so ....ing alone. And I also feel like no one I will ever meet is going to be as good in any way as my ex. This is the worst feeling in the world.


----------



## asher

UG:

Go knock on her door, say hi, and ask her to hang out.


----------



## BlackMastodon

JosephAOI said:


> And I also feel like no one I will ever meet is going to be as good in any way as my ex. This is the worst feeling in the world.


You get over it eventually and start realizing all of their flaws. No one is perfect, and it's basically statistically impossible that you will never meet someone who is better than her. Also you're still young so keep that in mind.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Stayed in tonight because I had a headache. Slept from 11pm-midnight then woke right up feeling better, walked outside my room and heard the girl across the hall watching SNL so I said hi and she invited me in. Just got back.

We just talked and watched tv for 3 hours. SNL, Chris Rock, Katt Williams. It was fun, we talked a lot and laughed about stuff. I had a wonderful time with her and I got her number.

Gonna hang with her more because not only is she adorable but she's just fun and easy to talk to. Very happy with my night, rather than going out and trying to get laid by some drunk chick I don't know.


----------



## SanekN

Dude thats awesome, just dont get it to the friendzone...


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I won't haha. Last night I almost told her I thought she was really cute, but I didn't think the situation called for it. I had my arm around her for a litttllleeeee while but not long. This was also the first time I hung out with her just us so I didn't want to kill this thing early if she doesn't think I'm attractive.

Next time, though. 


Also, you know when you hear a girl laugh and you just die because it makes you so happy to hear? I feels dat way.


----------



## Explorer

The Tao of Steve.

Be desireless.
Be excellent.
Be gone.

Take it slow. Take opportunities to be excellent.


----------



## asher

I need them opportunities. >.>


----------



## BucketheadRules

There's a girl at college I've got a bit of a thing for, we seem to get on well and I feel like it could potentially go somewhere, so I'd like to start things heading to the next level... I don't know how to, though. There's never been a situation where I'd feel comfortable asking, usually there's other people around, sometimes she's with friends and that would make me feel even more awkward. Ideally I'd want to get her alone, but I don't know how, or even if that'd just be weird. And then there's my perennial problem - I wouldn't know what to say.


----------



## icos211

So it was going incredibly with the girl I was talking about previously for about a month. Two weeks ago was her birthday, which I came home for, took her out on a date, made her dinner, and we had a great time. Since then, however, her personality has done a complete 180. She now seems so disinterested in anything that I say that used to make her swoon. Nothing I do will get the reaction that she used to give anything I do. On top of this any time I mention seeing each other or skyping with each other, things she used to beg me for, she won't even respond. It's killing me. I don't understand what happened. We were so happy and having so much fun and now she will barely even talk to me.


----------



## Explorer

@icos211 - Sometimes things like that happen. You can't control it, so the best thing you can do in such cases is to be the classy one. 

"I've been feeling that something has changed in our situation. I'm not sure what happened, but I do care about you a great deal. If you feel that you want to start up again, let me know and we'll see if we're in the same place. 

I do think you're hugely worthwhile, and I'm hopeful that you'll find a place where you are happy."

I actually broke up with someone who had been giving me hints that things weren't working out, but I completely emphasized that she was funny, smart and attractive, and that any person would be grateful to have such a person. 

And then the person contacted me a bit later, and felt very strongly that if I could be so nice in such a situation, and so supportive, I was the person they wanted in their corner. 

You never know how things will turn out. You can only be impeccable in your words and actions, which are the only things under your control. 

----

@Buckethead - 

"I want to visit this great restaurant, and I want to take you there on a date, because I think however good it might be, it will be better with you there. What about this Friday? No? What day will be good for you?

If she says yes, then she's open to a date. if not, then it doesn't matter if you catch her alone or not. Is the cat of possibility still alive in that box or not? Open it and collapse the wave function, friend! 

----

And now, a story about how guys can be clueless.

I was renting some videos of a move series, and this woman next to me in this huge line struck up a conversation with me. We were talking, and after we had been talking about different genres, she asked me a few other questions, not about moveis, but general stuff about me.

I realize that I had been listening to her like I do with everyone I know, and then I realize that she might be hopeful that I'm interested in her.

But I'm in a relationship, so I slip that into the conversation: 

"Well, we'll be watching this one tonight, but we'll be making dinner, and then cleaning up before we eat so that we can relax after the movie." 

It was like those stories about how girls slip their relationships into a conversation, so as not to lead someone on, which made me laugh. 

There are so many people out there, and so I'm hopeful for everyone who hasn't yet found what they're looking for. Be open, and I'm sure it will come.


----------



## goherpsNderp

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> I won't haha. Last night I almost told her I thought she was really cute, but I didn't think the situation called for it. *I had my arm around her for a litttllleeeee while but not long.* This was also the first time I hung out with her just us so I didn't want to kill this thing early if she doesn't think I'm attractive.
> 
> Next time, though.
> 
> 
> Also, you know when you hear a girl laugh and you just die because it makes you so happy to hear? I feels dat way.



i think you're past the point of needing to admit your feelings for her if she not only invited you in but let you put your arm around her...

that's essentially expressing interest in you. who let's random people put their arms around them? or hold hands or kiss etc. etc.


----------



## asher

goherpsNderp said:


> i think you're past the point of needing to admit your feelings for her if she not only invited you in but let you put your arm around her...
> 
> that's essentially expressing interest in you. who let's random people put their arms around them? or hold hands or kiss etc. etc.



Possibly, but it would be best to be at least somewhat direct in the "hey, let's go out to dinner" sort of thing mentioned above.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

On Thursday night she invited me over to watch the new Carrie movie. I'd seen it already but I went over and we watched that and the pilot episode of American Horror Story because she wants to get me into it. We cuddled more that night.

Then last night we both were texting and we left the parties we were at to hangout. Watched another ep of AHS. Then after that, I just looked at her and went for it. I just kissed her. It went well, seeing as we made out for the next couple of hours and I slept in her bed with her. I got up to go back to my own bed at about 8:30am and I've been up for less than an hour now.

Besides the last time I hooked up with a girl which was just really quick, when I was seeing the girl in the summer we weren't as, not sure how to put it. Cuddly? Sensual? We were a bit more aggressive physically, which was cool. But with this girl it was just so cuddly and cute and more emotional feeling. It was great, I haven't really had that before.

Also the girl I saw in the summer never held my hand. She said it made her feel like "not a whole person, but just a half of a person".

Let me tell you, it feels so fvcking good to me to hold someone's hand.
This girl last night wouldn't stop holding my hands or just holding me no matter what we were doing and it just made me feel so happy. I'm leaving in a little over an hour to drive home to see Periphery and The Contortionist hbang but I'm gonna talk to her before I leave because she wanted to see me. I want to see how she feels about this and if she wants to get serious.

Cause if she wants to get more serious, I'd like that.


----------



## Explorer

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Let me tell you, it feels so fvcking good to me to hold someone's hand.



This. 
A lot of people don't appreciate how much holding someone's hand can be calming, and small caresses can add even more. 

It's a primate grooming thing, and it definitely builds bonds.


----------



## Omura

Anyone have spouses that behave like small children when they get stressed or small things go wrong? How do you deal with and get rid of this behaviour? I've talked with my spouse about it, but they don't think it's within their control. Which I don't agree with but I need to try something at least.


----------



## texshred777

Omura said:


> Anyone have spouses that behave like small children when they get stressed or small things go wrong? How do you deal with and get rid of this behaviour? I've talked with my spouse about it, but they don't think it's within their control. Which I don't agree with but I need to try something at least.



Have you guys tried therapy? 

I used to be against it, but if there is a partner in the relationship who isn't capable of hearing truth without getting super defensive or launching into an assault...it helps. Having a third party there who's job it is to call you on your bullshit is a good aid. Just be sure you can handle it on your own end, with your own issues that you bring to the table.

I believe that it's in their power to change if they want to, put in the effort, and have the necessary tools to do so. If they don't want to change or don't think it's really much of a problem that's an entirely different problem.


----------



## asher

Fencing club and Ballroom party mixer tonight.

CAN I FIND A HOT DANCER GRAD STUDENT?

N/N (well we will see, but let's be honest )

But will be good to kick back with some proper Oktoberfest beer. I'm pretty beat.


----------



## texshred777

asher said:


> Fencing club and Ballroom party mixer tonight.
> 
> CAN I FIND A HOT DANCER GRAD STUDENT?
> 
> N/N (well we will see, but let's be honest )
> 
> But will be good to kick back with some proper Oktoberfest beer. I'm pretty beat.



I'll take one of those.


----------



## Explorer

Omura said:


> Anyone have spouses that behave like small children when they get stressed or small things go wrong? How do you deal with and get rid of this behaviour? I've talked with my spouse about it, but they don't think it's within their control. Which I don't agree with but I need to try something at least.



I don't understand what behaviors add to up behaving "like small children," or what stressed means, or what small things are going wrong. 

Is it that someone lacks coping skills, and wants to change?

Or is it someone saying, I don't like this, and it's unacceptable?

If it's a lack of coping skills, then a professional would be able to zero in on that, and then provide help (possibly cognitive therapy, where there would be exercises to build up what is lacking). 

The reason i hate to commit to what should be done is that I've known more than one couple where one partner was talking about the shortcomings of the other... but most of us were pretty sure "recognition of the other's problems" was actually "can't admit the problem belongs to the complainer.."


----------



## asher

texshred777 said:


> I'll take one of those.


 
Barely any showed up. Still had fun drinking a keg of Paulaner with friends, but I'm still all sigh when I get home.


----------



## texshred777

That's too bad.

Was hoping for you, lol.


----------



## Albionic

Omura said:


> Anyone have spouses that behave like small children when they get stressed or small things go wrong? How do you deal with and get rid of this behaviour? I've talked with my spouse about it, but they don't think it's within their control. Which I don't agree with but I need to try something at least.




Not sure what u mean act like a child but my wife used to overreact at the smallest setback (basically throwing a tantrum). She'd claim that her temper was "just the way she was" and she could do nothing to stop it. this is bullshit.

Don't assume responsibility for everything that goes wrong and don't make it your business to be the hero and fix everything. That,s a fast road to misery as everything becomes your fault and there will be reprisals when a problem comes up you cant fix.

I suspect this behavior is a form of emotional blackmail to make others deal with things she should be facing herself but just plain doesn't want to.


----------



## asher

texshred777 said:


> That's too bad.
> 
> Was hoping for you, lol.


 

Thanks man


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Yesterday right before I left to drive to the concert I went to see her in her room. I told her I had a great night with her and she said she did too. I put my hand on her shoulder and I just said "I like you." And she lit up. She said she liked me too and we want it to continue. So we kissed and hugged. Once I'm done with this mountain of work I have I'm gonna go see her this evening.

I'm like giddy. It may sound funny but I haven't had a real crush in a long time. And she's not the type to just get with anyone at any point. I know she really likes me. I want to hang with her a bit more and see how this goes and what she wants more but I'm gonna try to make her my girlfriend. I haven't officially had a girlfriend in...4 years


----------



## asher

Hell yeah, dude! That's such a wonderful feeling. The very best of luck!


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Thanks! I'm hoping for the best haha 

That feeling when you know someone is happy that you like them is wonderful


----------



## asher




----------



## goherpsNderp

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Yesterday right before I left to drive to the concert I went to see her in her room. I told her I had a great night with her and she said she did too. I put my hand on her shoulder and I just said "I like you." And she lit up. She said she liked me too and we want it to continue. So we kissed and hugged. Once I'm done with this mountain of work I have I'm gonna go see her this evening.
> 
> I'm like giddy. It may sound funny but I haven't had a real crush in a long time. And she's not the type to just get with anyone at any point. I know she really likes me. I want to hang with her a bit more and see how this goes and what she wants more but I'm gonna try to make her my girlfriend. I haven't officially had a girlfriend in...4 years



*bill and ted* EXCELLEEEEENT!!!

take things slow, and let her control the pace. if you get uncomfortable with the pace then kindly let her know. it's all on you from here on out! (unless you want to come back and ask us for more advice)


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

goherpsNderp said:


> *bill and ted* EXCELLEEEEENT!!!
> 
> take things slow, and let her control the pace. if you get uncomfortable with the pace then kindly let her know. it's all on you from here on out! (unless you want to come back and ask us for more advice)



I've been spending the last few days with her, at least the nights. We haven't had sex yet, and even though I really want to I'm kind of glad we haven't yet.

Last night I spent some time with her and after doing stuff we talked about religion and deep things like that. Didn't expect that to happen yet but it went well.

Then before I left for the night I told her that next week when we get back from break I'm going to take her on a real date. Again, she lit up which made me really happy. We're gonna go to dinner and a movie. I can't wait. I think that if that goes well then I may ask her to be my girlfriend, or at least talk to her about getting more serious.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Yesterday right before I left to drive to the concert I went to see her in her room. I told her I had a great night with her and she said she did too. I put my hand on her shoulder and I just said "I like you." And she lit up. She said she liked me too and we want it to continue. So we kissed and hugged. Once I'm done with this mountain of work I have I'm gonna go see her this evening.
> 
> I'm like giddy. It may sound funny but I haven't had a real crush in a long time. And she's not the type to just get with anyone at any point. I know she really likes me. I want to hang with her a bit more and see how this goes and what she wants more but I'm gonna try to make her my girlfriend. I haven't officially had a girlfriend in...4 years



I wouldn't really say she's a crush. Romantic interest is more like it. It's cool to hear things going well for someone 'round here for change.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Yeah you're right, she was a crush at first but now she's definitely a romantic interest  She went to dinner with me and two of my roommates tonight so that was fun. Lots of laughs.

I go home Friday, but my roommate leaves tomorrow afternoon, so I may be able to spend more time with her and spend the night with her


----------



## Church2224

I never thought I would do this....

I hired a dating service/ match maker tohelp me find a good woman. I realized that going to bars or meeting people online was getting me know where and a lot of the girls I met where dumb as hell. 

I am an ambitious person. I hate dating around, I hate finding good girls who at first seem awesome but turn out to be a pain in the ass. I am not going to sit around and wait for the women of my dreams to come to me. Here is to hoping this works.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Church2224 said:


> I never thought I would do this....
> 
> I hired a dating service/ match maker tohelp me find a good woman. I realized that going to bars or meeting people online was getting me know where and a lot of the girls I met where dumb as hell.
> 
> I am an ambitious person. I hate dating around, I hate finding good girls who at first seem awesome but turn out to be a pain in the ass. I am not going to sit around and wait for the women of my dreams to come to me. Here is to hoping this works.



I mean this with absolutely no sarcasm; good luck with that. I never even really knew it was even a thing. I hope it works out for you, sooner preferably to later!


----------



## TheHandOfStone

I've only ever seen matchmaking services on reality TV.

It sounds like it'd work fine since you left out the reality TV part.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Tonight went very well. All I'm gonna say...but it was a good step.

I really like her.


----------



## goherpsNderp

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Tonight went very well. All I'm gonna say...but it was a good step.
> 
> I really like her.



who's place did you sleep at?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Omura said:


> Anyone have spouses that behave like small children when they get stressed or small things go wrong? How do you deal with and get rid of this behaviour? I've talked with my spouse about it, but they don't think it's within their control. Which I don't agree with but I need to try something at least.



That was my last gf... The problem took care of itself when she broke up with me for asking what was wrong when she was upset... She couldn't handle my concern for her well being. 

If she doesn't feel her actions are within her control I feel like it could be one of the following:

1. She really and truly does feel powerless against her deviation in mood. It's possible but I don't believe it 90% of the time when I hear it.
2. Are you the type of person that tends to feel sorry for women and make accomodations for the things about themselves over which they say they feel powerless? She could be doing it because she knows you'll just put up with it.

Either way something should probably be done about it:

1. Leave
2. Have her see a counselor
3. Couples' counselling

If she won't consider 2 or 3, then I say circle back to 1. I know it sucks when you've pledged to share your life with someone, but if they're incapbable of holding up their end of the bargain, it seems to me the relationship has run its course. Realistically marrigage is just a label for a state of being not much different from boyfriend/girlfriend albeit with certain legal implications. It doesn't make ppl better people. And people are going to be who they WANT to be. If she wants to be the type of person that makes you happy then she'll be willing to make a compromise for the good of both parties. Based on what you've written it seems as though you've been rather patient with her up til now denoting a compromise on your part. Time for a little reciprocation me thinks...


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

goherpsNderp said:


> who's place did you sleep at?



Mine. She didn't sleep over but she was over for about three hours. Some stuff happened that hadn't happened yet and it was quite nice


----------



## Konfyouzd

^


----------



## chassless

So i find this truly adorable girl, whom i've actually got to know almost a year ago. We got really close and have been talking for litteral hours everyday (or basically any time we can) since last month, we went out frequently on friendly pretexts until i just bluntly made my move, one drunken evening, and she responded more than positively. It really was bound to happen, as we connected incredibly well and fast on so many levels, and we both hadn't had that in years. My last serious relationship ended pretty lamely (we just had nothing to share anymore) and the latest girl i dated was a quick-lived funny mess of "i'm sorry i'm still in love with my ex-fiancé so i'm gonna date this third guy right here" shrug and right now, this girl came pretty much as a saviour, like a perfect version of everything i want in a girl, and she's sharing the same enthusiasm.

So after the night i grabbed her by the arm and kissed her, we kept seeing each other everyday for the next 5 days, until i took a plane for Germany and i'm still here. And i'm staying until Christmas. Woohoo.

Edit for some more boring stuff: well i've been here for two weeks already we try to squeeze into every free hour we have some time to keep talking. We have made litteral lists of stuff to talk about and the topics even pile up over the days. We're surprising ourselves with every day. And we're already arranging for her to come and spend the last couple of weeks of my time here with me.

Last time i dated someone i felt it was too good to be true and i was right. I really, really, very sincerely hope this is not the case this time.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Good luck. Sounds like it's good now.


----------



## Nykur_Myrkvi

After 8 years of having the happiest relationship I could have asked for, a month ago it turned into a long distance relationship when my girlfriend moved to the UK to study.

To be honest it's one of the strangest things I've experienced (and I've accidentally attended an illegal rave in London). Going from seeing her every single day and doing pretty much everything with her to seeing her only through Skype and chatting on Facebook just makes me feel, and I know this sounds cliché as hell, incomplete.

I've been keeping busy though; school, work, my blog and my cat have filled my schedule sufficiently, but it just feels weird to come home and not hearing David De La Hoz (or something) blasting in the next room, or sitting down to play video games alone every time. 

Sleeping alone was easier than I expected though so that's something. I tend to delay going to bed a lot though, nothing awaits me there but sleep. I honestly miss cuddling/hugging more than sex and I just miss hanging out with her. She's been my best friend since I was 16.

Sorry for the rant. I realize this isn't anything anyone can help with. Just needed to vent.


----------



## Alberto7

I want to bone my roommate real bad, but she's gay. Also, she's my roommate.

That's my whole dilemma in a nutshell, really. Not looking for an answer, but just putting it out there.


----------



## chassless

Nykur_Myrkvi said:


> seeing her only through Skype and chatting on Facebook just makes me feel, and I know this sounds cliché as hell, incomplete.



I feel the absolute same, bro. With the (significant (understatement )) difference that this girl and me sealed the deal barely a week before i left, compared to your 8 years! That's a pretty impressive time, how are you two managing? When will you see her again, when will you move back together? All the best of luck to you. As for me well we're still talking hours upon hours everyday, like we have been for a month or so. And we know i'm not staying for so long so we're comfident enoughVthis will work out fine


----------



## Nykur_Myrkvi

chassless said:


> I feel the absolute same, bro. With the (significant (understatement )) difference that this girl and me sealed the deal barely a week before i left, compared to your 8 years! That's a pretty impressive time, how are you two managing? When will you see her again, when will you move back together? All the best of luck to you. As for me well we're still talking hours upon hours everyday, like we have been for a month or so. And we know i'm not staying for so long so we're comfident enoughVthis will work out fine


I'm currently planning a trip to visit her in a week or two, she'll come over during the holidays and what happens next depends entirely on whether or not she decides to finish her studies abroad or to come back home. Studying and living in the UK is mad expensive for Icelanders.

We're managing pretty fine. It's been difficult at times but technology really does help. Being able to Skype while we watch something at the same time helps a lot. We've been watching Let's Play videos and TV shows on Netflix while Skyping quite a bit. Sometimes she'll be working on some art project and I'm playing a video game while we just chat through Skype.

We've been through a lot together (which I guess makes sense considering how long we've been together) so I have nothing but faith in the relationship. Not really worried about it deteriorating as much as I just miss having her with me.

If she decides to finish her studies there I'm looking into transferring to the same school but it'll have to depend on my financial situation and whether or not I get in. Right now the only thing to do is play the waiting game...and finish the mountain of projects I have ahead of me.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I've been meeting some ladies on Craigslist Strictly Platonic rather than the romantic personals...

So far I've noticed the following:
1. They seem less desperate than the romantic personals, probably because they actually want friends
2. Some of them very much seem like married women looking for discreet dick on the side. Not trying to get murdered over sex... 

I'm not really sure if they've told me their real names yet, but I'm going to see if any of them are interested in checking out a movie or something some time this weekend or next week. Fingers crossed for good vibes... Maybe I'll make some new friends.


----------



## soliloquy

so....reconnected with my ex fiancée again. it started with me apologizing for taking her for granted when we were in a relationship among other things. 
we started with just talking as friends. then we connected physically.

i feel a little guilty as i dont really love her anymore. but more time i am spending her, i am begining to realize that i love her, but i'm not in love with her. she said she's still in love with me though (this is a year after breaking up with very minimal contact via texts here and there). 


on one end, sure, i was super frustrated and sex is sex, which almost always, feels great. but at the same time i dont really want to use her either. guess i gotta tell her how i feel. i love her as a friend, and do miss that relationship we once had, but things just wont be the same as they were before. i forgave her long ago. she forgave me. but things just aren't the same as they were before...


----------



## Nykur_Myrkvi

Well as cliché as it is to use a line from a TV show, honesty really is the best policy.

The sooner you tell her the better for the both of you. Something like that can really hurt people if it goes on for long. I know a guy who was in the same position and through some dumb decisions you can easily guess he got his ex pregnant and started living with her again, miserable, until he just f***ing snapped and broke up with her again.


----------



## chassless

^ there, honesty and good communication are never overrated. There's nothing wrong with doing what you're doing as long as you are in touch with what you're feeling yourself and that you're both aware of those limitations. Don't go too far, and when the time comes, end it. Maybe this phase will have been helpful for both of you.


----------



## kamello

@Nykur: 8 YEARS?!, holy fvck!, any chance in the near future to live together again?, Im not sure if I would be able to take the mental toll of that 




Alberto7 said:


> I want to bone my roommate real bad, but she's gay. Also, she's my roommate.
> 
> That's my whole dilemma in a nutshell, really. Not looking for an answer, but just putting it out there.



seeing the other post you put in the confession thread; there is a silent deal where none of you will ever speak about it? 


and actually, Im kind of having the same urge...
I think I made a post here around April/May, about a girl I was dating and how it abruptly ended, the thing is; Im having ALL my classes with her, we speak a lot, and we study together 'cause actually we get pretty good grades that way, so... I started to develop feelings again, shit is feeling pretty tiresome since I know she just doesn't want anything involving a relationship, yet I still spend a good chunk of my day with her

again, just a rant, since I know clearly what I have and don't have to do


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

So... I have a girlfriend now. 

We spent some time together tonight and after kissing her for a while I said "Can we talk for a minute?" she said sure. I said "I like you so much, and I want to get serious with you." she said "Like, girlfriend boyfriend?" I said yes.

She lit up and said, "Oh my god, I want that so much!"


I'm so happy. I haven't had a legitimate girlfriend in like 4 years. She makes me happy, and I can't wait to develop this. I'm glad I can make someone happy.

Thanks for helping me get this far, guys. I'll keep you updated.


----------



## Alberto7

kamello said:


> seeing the other post you put in the confession thread; there is a silent deal where none of you will ever speak about it?



The only silent deal there is is the fact that we're roommates, and banging your roommate seems like nothing but a recipe for disaster.  She's also going through a lot of shit with her (ex)girlfriend at the moment, and it doesn't feel right to just barge into the middle of that. Also, I don't know if she'd ungay herself for me,  we do compliment each other a lot, and she has made some suggestive comments before that have left me all , but I can't quite read her, and, given the situation, if I'm not 100% sure that it could work, I don't want to do it. I feel it's too risky, and I really like my domestic situation as it is at the moment, so to ruin it for that reason seems pretty stupid.

EDIT: just right now she came into my room asking me if I could wake her up tomorrow. After I agreed and as she was leaving back to her room, she just said "I feel like you're like my dad or something lol" ... that makes me feel very awkward... ._.



kamello said:


> and actually, Im kind of having the same urge...
> I think I made a post here around April/May, about a girl I was dating and how it abruptly ended, the thing is; Im having ALL my classes with her, we speak a lot, and we study together 'cause actually we get pretty good grades that way, so... I started to develop feelings again, shit is feeling pretty tiresome since I know she just doesn't want anything involving a relationship, yet I still spend a good chunk of my day with her
> 
> again, just a rant, since I know clearly what I have and don't have to do



I was gonna say what you should do, but then I read your last sentence.  Not like you have many options either, I don't think.


----------



## Nykur_Myrkvi

kamello said:


> @Nykur: 8 YEARS?!, holy fvck!, any chance in the near future to live together again?, Im not sure if I would be able to take the mental toll of that


The chances of living together are dependent on what happens with both of our educations and financial issues. If I can afford transferring to her and get in when I apply we can stay together in the UK or if she decides to finish her education here, for whatever reason (financial or otherwise), we can be together here. I booked a flight to visit her next month and she'll come here during Christmas and summer vacations so we're making it work. Eventually we'll have to make a decision about where we're going to settle down but as it is the only thing that matters is that we're still together even though we live apart.


----------



## Konfyouzd

The ex is back... 

Apparently misses me. What confuses me is that she was such a rough customer when I was trying to be nice to her. Now that I've relenquished all fvcks leaving me with none to give she seems... Different... It's almost as though she likes it when I'm a dick. 

I find a lot of these... 

Now... My first thought is that I should just avoid it like the plague, but I'm going into this one with some prior knowledge... She's not into commitment. That's clear. But she's fun to hang out with otherwise and pretty good in bed. 

Perhaps we can work out some other arrangement where we keep each other compnay without attaching strings...


----------



## asher

Good luck. It takes a very particular set of people to actually make that work or last, I have found...


----------



## Konfyouzd

I'm not worried about it lasting... She can leave whenever she wants at this point... I can more or less count on that anyway. 

EDIT: Of course now that I think this, she's going to do what I perceive to be the impossible--a complete 180...


----------



## kamello

Alberto7 said:


> she just said "I feel like you're like my dad or something lol" ... that makes me feel very awkward... ._.










Alberto7 said:


> I was gonna say what you should do, but then I read your last sentence.  Not like you have many options either, I don't think.



ffs  just for teh lulz and curiosity (ok ok, and mainly to use this sample from Pulp Fiction  ) 

https://db.tt/mMAT8vE0


----------



## Alberto7

Well, my ways for dealing with situations like the one you're in are a little extreme for some, but it's the only way that works for me... sort of. If what you want, over anything else, is for that feeling to go away, then just stop seeing her, or date her and possibly remember why you two ended it in the first place.  Letting her know beforehand about the actual reasons you'd stop seeing her for a while would be ideal. One of two things are most likely to happen: either she understands and lets you off without being all "you're a dick for ignoring me all of a sudden," or she gives you a second chance at a relationship, which would be up to you to accept or or not. I don't know how recommendable it would be for you to take a second chance with her, since I don't know your exact situation with her. The downside to the first scenario is that she might be left slightly confused and/or feeling guilty, but I suppose she can deal with that a lot better than you can deal with your own issue, if it is really bothering you that much (which I can imagine it is).

------------

On a separate note, my whole roommate situation is taking a turn that I didn't want it to take, and it is worrying me. For three consecutive nights I've had trouble sleeping once morning arrives. I've always woken up faintly for a brief period of time during mornings and then I fall back asleep, but for the last few days, whenever I wake up early in the morning, I just begin to anticipate the moment where I get up and say good morning to her, and I get really anxious. Early this morning I heard her voice as she was leaving, and it got me anxious, and I just couldn't sleep anymore; at that point I had only slept for 4 hours, and it's Saturday. I make an unconscious effort to be extra nice and personal with her whenever we talk or interact. There are other alarming signs that I'm crushing hard over her, but worst the of it all is that I feel _really_ lonely whenever she isn't home, even though we are 4 people living together.

If she were someone else (i.e. not my roommate), I probably would be getting all of this off my chest right now by telling her directly, but, being my roommate, I just don't know what to do. The fact that she's gay (though I suspect she might actually be bi) and is on a grey zone with her ex makes the situation feel that much more awkward. I feel there's a lot I'd be putting at risk by telling her about what I'm feeling, and I'm scared shitless of what might happen. The fact that she's almost 5 years younger than me (I'm 24) and that she's a few months younger than my sister is also kind of weird, given that my sister lives with us, although I guess that's just a thin layer of icing on a big and moist cake.  This whole thing has been negatively affecting my mood and my motivation to do things these past few days, and I can't afford to procrastinate at the moment.

On the good side, however, it isn't very hard to fantasize about having a threesome with her and another girl (she has some fine taste in women ).

*TL;DR:* I'm beginning to crush hard on my roommate, it's affecting my mood and my motivation to do things, and I don't know what I should do, given that she's my roommate (she's also gay and still has issues with her ex). I guess I'm beginning to look for advice already.


----------



## TheHandOfStone

How do I get to the point at which I would need relationship advice?


----------



## icos211

So I guess things are kind of over for me. After she stopped talking to me all together for a few weeks, I wrote her a letter. I kind of poured out all of my feelings into it. It finally jogged her to text me. But nothing got better. She says that she just doesn't want to do a hard relationship right now, and that she doesn't want to put in the effort that would be necessary to stay with me over the distance. She also said that the last time we got together she didn't feel as excited as she thought she was supposed to feel.

For the most part, she blames it on our relationship still being so new when I moved away. Which sucks. I just wish there was something that I could do, but she apparently had too packed of a schedule to see me when I offered to come home this weekend. There are so many things that I want to do and try and I want so much to fight for this relationship, and she says that she knows it could get better as well, but that she just doesn't want to try. She told me that when I come back to town I can ask to see her, but she doesn't know what the deal will be.

All I want to do is work to make it better, but she won't let me. I feel so helpless. And I hate feeling helpless.

So now I'm back to square one. I know absolutely no one available. And even when I'm around other people I just can't act like I normally. I'm not funny or thoughtful or engaging. I'm completely uninspired musically and artistically. My grades are tanking. I can't sleep. I can't lift as much weight as I used to. I just feel like I can never get out of everything going wrong. The only time in the past two years that I was happy was at the very end of summer, when I was with her and everything around my life just seemed to be going right because of the happiness that she brought into my life again. Now I'm right back into the pit I was in before that, with everything tanking like ..... All I can do to take my mind off it is lurk here and watch Youtube videos.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Alberto7 said:


> *TL;DR:* I'm beginning to crush hard on my roommate, it's affecting my mood and my motivation to do things, and I don't know what I should do, given that she's my roommate (she's also gay and still has issues with her ex). I guess I'm beginning to look for advice already.


Have a wank and forget about her? She's a lesbian. Not gonna happen.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

UnderTheSign said:


> Have a wank and forget about her? She's a lesbian. Not gonna happen.




So much this. I hate guys who try to get with lesbians, particularly if they know she's les. Not saying this to anyone in particular, I'm just thinking out loud, but I hate the thought process of "you just haven't had the right dick yet." So many creepy ....s have said this or something similar to me and I cringe every time.


----------



## Alberto7

UnderTheSign said:


> Have a wank and forget about her? She's a lesbian. Not gonna happen.



Meh, thinking about it rationally, that makes complete sense, and, of course, it's the same conclusion I arrived at. The problem is that idiotic, teenage-like crushes aren't very rational, and it's hard to break that bubble. Otherwise I would have forgotten the whole thing as soon as I noticed it. Besides, it all began when she mentioned that she didn't want to date girls anymore, which stupidly gave me what is possibly a very false sense of hope, since I have no way of confirming. A method to forget her is what my underlying query is about, but I guess it's just a matter of coping while the thought drifts away on its own. Letting time run its course while I keep my feelings at bay.

Again, *TL;DR:* you're absolutely right, but I don't think a wank will help me much to forget. 

Also, I guess realizing how selfish of me it is to barge into the middle of her own emotional crisis can be used as a motivator for me to forget about it

PS: I know I'm just talking to myself, but I need someone to engage me about it in writing so I can pour my thoughts out and re-organize them in a way that makes more sense. Some kind of mental knolling, if you will. I apologize if it's a bother.



Chokey Chicken said:


> So much this. I hate guys who try to get with lesbians, particularly if they know she's les. Not saying this to anyone in particular, I'm just thinking out loud, but I hate the thought process of "you just haven't had the right dick yet." So many creepy ....s have said this or something similar to me and I cringe every time.



Just to set the record straight for myself, this has only been happening for the last couple of weeks, and we've been living together for quite a while now. The only reason it began to happen was the false sense of hope I acquired when she mentioned that she was tired of dating girls, given the issues she's having with her ex-girlfriend (see the above reply).

Some times it is a genuine attraction to someone you know you can't have, and not just "she just doesn't know what's good." I actually completely agree with you that that specific thought process is pretty terrible and creepy. It might be childish of me, but I can never control who I crush over. It just happens. Having the hots for someone is a different thing, and it is absolutely controllable. Out of all people, my gay roommate is the last person I would consciously choose to date, because it's both a recipe for disaster and because it's selfish of me.

I hope that's made sense.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

For sure. I wasn't trying to rag on you, hence my qualifier that I wasn't talking to anyone in particular. As someone who has gay tendencies I know all too well what it's like to have feelings for someone who can't possibly return the feelings.


----------



## Alberto7

^ No worries, I didn't take it personally, I was just trying to set a straight record. I very much agree.


----------



## icos211

Alberto7 said:


> Meh, thinking about it rationally, that makes complete sense, and, of course, it's the same conclusion I arrived at. The problem is that idiotic, teenage-like crushes aren't very rational, and it's hard to break that bubble. Otherwise I would have forgotten the whole thing as soon as I noticed it. Besides, it all began when she mentioned that she didn't want to date girls anymore, which stupidly gave me what is possibly a very false sense of hope, since I have no way of confirming. A method to forget her is what my underlying query is about, but I guess it's just a matter of coping while the thought drifts away on its own. Letting time run its course while I keep my feelings at bay.
> 
> Again, *TL;DR:* you're absolutely right, but I don't think a wank will help me much to forget.
> 
> Also, I guess realizing how selfish of me it is to barge into the middle of her own emotional crisis can be used as a motivator for me to forget about it
> 
> PS: I know I'm just talking to myself, but I need someone to engage me about it in writing so I can pour my thoughts out and re-organize them in a way that makes more sense. Some kind of mental knolling, if you will. I apologize if it's a bother.
> 
> 
> 
> Just to set the record straight for myself, this has only been happening for the last couple of weeks, and we've been living together for quite a while now. The only reason it began to happen was the false sense of hope I acquired when she mentioned that she was tired of dating girls, given the issues she's having with her ex-girlfriend (see the above reply).
> 
> Some times it is a genuine attraction to someone you know you can't have, and not just "she just doesn't know what's good." I actually completely agree with you that that specific thought process is pretty terrible and creepy. It might be childish of me, but I can never control who I crush over. It just happens. Having the hots for someone is a different thing, and it is absolutely controllable. Out of all people, my gay roommate is the last person I would consciously choose to date, because it's both a recipe for disaster and because it's selfish of me.
> 
> I hope that's made sense.



If she's "tired of dating girls" is she trying to say that she's tired of dating or willing to try dating a guy? Or is it meant in the same way as a woman would say "I'm tired of dating boys, I need a 'real man'"(assuming "girls" was the phrase that she used)? Seems like an odd thing for a lesbian to say if she was to mean "I'm tired of dating in general".


----------



## Alberto7

^ Her saying that was the game changer for me. In reality it confuses me as well, because it could mean many things (and yes, she used the word "girls" every single time, though I'm not sure she really meant anything by that [as in "girls" vs. "women"]). However, my hormones decided to go nuts and made my emotional side cling to that one thought as though it simply meant "now I want to date guys," which, in turn, makes me feel like I have a shot at it, and which I very likely don't. Thinking of it rationally though, I don't know if she has always dated girls exclusively, and the way she talks about men some times sounds like she isn't exclusively interested in girls/women (then again, different people express themselves in different ways, so I can't judge based on that), which leads me to suspect that she might be bisexual.

It's too early to call it anyway. She is still confused and she's dealing with her situation. She's having it rough. For the last couple of days she's seemed to be in a particularly dark place, and she told me just a while ago that she isn't doing okay. She doesn't seem like she wants to talk about it either, so I'm just giving her space to unwind.

... all the bigger a reason to just forget about her. I can't just jump in and make her feel even more confused.


----------



## asher

Though you _should_ let her know you're there for her as her friend, if you can manage it, because it sounds like she might need it.


----------



## Alberto7

^ She knows it. I always tell her that, but she's just like me; she doesn't like bothering other people with her problems (face to face, that is... I obviously don't have a problem with it online ), so sometimes it's hard to get things out of her, and I don't like being pushy. The other problem is that seeing other people depressed about things gets me down as well, and I'm not the greatest when it comes to lifting somebody else's spirits if mine aren't very high to begin with. That, perhaps, doesn't make me as appealing to talk to as someone else might be. My sister certainly knows how to deal with those things better than I do, and they're both quite close too, so I'm sure she still has someone at home that she can talk to. With that said, I do try to be, and have been, there for her in the only ways I know how.

That is some sage advice, though.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

There is the possibility that she was being melodramatic. There's a girl at my work, straight as a narrow, who went through a bad time with her boyfriend, had her heart broken, and proclaimed she was done with guys, and that they're all stupid. 

She's in a relationship now, less than a year later. It could just mean she's frustrated and saying stuff to comfort herself. I don't know you folks personally so I can't judge with accuracy, but this is just a possibility I figured I'd throw out there.


----------



## soliloquy

so...first date, crashing a wedding....good idea?

i know, some people frown upon it and that whole ethical issue. but truth be told, if someone crashes my wedding, i wont care as i wont even notice that person. 

it is a bit over the top and unorthodox. you are put in a very unfamiliar comfort zone in a social setting. it can be a bit unpredictable. but isn't that the point? it does beat the boring and typical dinner and a walk...no? plus, if shes a dancer, and you're not, and she sees you putting an effort, that should count for something? again, stupid, childish fun...no?


----------



## Alberto7

Chokey Chicken said:


> There is the possibility that she was being melodramatic. There's a girl at my work, straight as a narrow, who went through a bad time with her boyfriend, had her heart broken, and proclaimed she was done with guys, and that they're all stupid.
> 
> She's in a relationship now, less than a year later. It could just mean she's frustrated and saying stuff to comfort herself. I don't know you folks personally so I can't judge with accuracy, but this is just a possibility I figured I'd throw out there.



I think that is the most likely scenario. Gotta teach that feelings-driven portion of my brain to stop clinging to ridiculous things.

EDIT: also, thanks for engaging me guys/gals; I appreciate it.  It's served me well to put my thoughts and feelings together, and, even though it's not like I'm not distressed anymore (by far), I do think I have a much clearer idea of what I should/shouldn't do, and how to go about dealing with my own personal feelings.



soliloquy said:


> so...first date, crashing a wedding....good idea?
> 
> i know, some people frown upon it and that whole ethical issue. but truth be told, if someone crashes my wedding, i wont care as i wont even notice that person.
> 
> it is a bit over the top and unorthodox. you are put in a very unfamiliar comfort zone in a social setting. it can be a bit unpredictable. but isn't that the point? it does beat the boring and typical dinner and a walk...no? plus, if shes a dancer, and you're not, and she sees you putting an effort, that should count for something? again, stupid, childish fun...no?



Personally, I'd be way too uncomfortable, simply because I wouldn't know anybody. Just thinking about the amount of weird stares I'd receive from the attendees ("who the f*ck is this guy and what is he doing here anyway?!") is enough to put me off from the whole thing. That's just me though.

Most importantly, however, my date would be with her friends and family and I'd get very little attention from her. My idea of a first date is to spend quality time with the person to get to know them better.

On the other hand, it might be a good way to make a good (or bad) first impression by showing off your social skills. Then again, I personally think that that should come up at a later date.


----------



## Alberto7

TheHandOfStone said:


> How do I get to the point at which I would need relationship advice?



I guess it's different for everybody, but when it begins to affect my motivation and my mood, I act upon it somehow. If I find myself in a pickle and can't ask the other person directly, I seek external help. I don't know what kind of issues you have, nor what kind of help you'd need (friendly advice, venting, and/or professional help), but that's the baseline that I use... of course, it's not always easy to judge, no matter how many guidelines I set for myself.



icos211 said:


> So I guess things are kind of over for me. After she stopped talking to me all together for a few weeks, I wrote her a letter. I kind of poured out all of my feelings into it. It finally jogged her to text me. But nothing got better. She says that she just doesn't want to do a hard relationship right now, and that she doesn't want to put in the effort that would be necessary to stay with me over the distance. She also said that the last time we got together she didn't feel as excited as she thought she was supposed to feel.
> 
> For the most part, she blames it on our relationship still being so new when I moved away. Which sucks. I just wish there was something that I could do, but she apparently had too packed of a schedule to see me when I offered to come home this weekend. There are so many things that I want to do and try and I want so much to fight for this relationship, and she says that she knows it could get better as well, but that she just doesn't want to try. She told me that when I come back to town I can ask to see her, but she doesn't know what the deal will be.
> 
> All I want to do is work to make it better, but she won't let me. I feel so helpless. And I hate feeling helpless.
> 
> So now I'm back to square one. I know absolutely no one available. And even when I'm around other people I just can't act like I normally. I'm not funny or thoughtful or engaging. I'm completely uninspired musically and artistically. My grades are tanking. I can't sleep. I can't lift as much weight as I used to. I just feel like I can never get out of everything going wrong. The only time in the past two years that I was happy was at the very end of summer, when I was with her and everything around my life just seemed to be going right because of the happiness that she brought into my life again. Now I'm right back into the pit I was in before that, with everything tanking like ..... All I can do to take my mind off it is lurk here and watch Youtube videos.



You know, concerning your last paragraph, I've been in your position before, and I currently share a lot of your worries (musically uninspired, not feeling particularly thoughtful or engaging, grades sucked last year, trouble sleeping, worrying too much about the future, etc). Every time I've moved out of the country I was in (more than a couple times), I've always had to leave someone special behind, and I feel like I am back to square one, just as you mentioned. Sadly, there is nothing I can tell you that will make everything better instantly. The only thing that has worked for me is to just let time heal things. Just hang tight and wait for it fade. However, do try to get out there and entertain yourself somehow. It's hard to even get out of bed when you're in a shitty mood, but just try. Staying in and being alone in your room/house will only make you find out how bad and tough of an enemy you are to yourself, and you are very likely to lose the battle.

As far as your relationship with that girl goes, I can't actually comment on it, as much as I'd like to... if she really doesn't want to, then that's as far as it goes. You can't force her into it. Maybe just give it some time and she'll want to go back together with you? Maybe that's what you should do. But, like I said, I don't think there's much else to do there, sadly... :/

That is as much as I can tell you for now, I think, and it may not be the best advice, but it's what I think could help. Good luck bro!


----------



## icos211

@Alberto7

Obviously the most important role for you right now is to be her friend, and be there for her emotionally in her time of need. If she starts coming out of her state and becoming open to the idea of dating again, maybe just tell her that you'd like a chance. Who knows, maybe she has some bisexual curiosity. I have to imagine that it would be like a gay man or lesbian trying to ask someone of the same sex out if they don't already know the person's orientation. While it would be safe to say they aren't interested, you would never know if you didn't try.



soliloquy said:


> so...first date, crashing a wedding....good idea?
> 
> i know, some people frown upon it and that whole ethical issue. but truth be told, if someone crashes my wedding, i wont care as i wont even notice that person.
> 
> it is a bit over the top and unorthodox. you are put in a very unfamiliar comfort zone in a social setting. it can be a bit unpredictable. but isn't that the point? it does beat the boring and typical dinner and a walk...no? plus, if shes a dancer, and you're not, and she sees you putting an effort, that should count for something? again, stupid, childish fun...no?



Personally, that would be an absolute no for me. You have nothing to do with the couple getting married. It's hard to explain what my objection would be if I were asked the same thing in reasonable terms, further than I just wouldn't feel right to do that so early in a relationship. Also, the fact that it's not just early, but the very first date harkens back to what Alberto said about a first date needing to be more about y'all two spending time together and learning about each other personally.

However, I can very well see the perks of it. The girl obviously doesn't want to be alone for this event, or at least appear alone. Are y'all prior friends, and this is just the first time that y'all are stepping out on an actual "date"? Or have y'all just met/ were only acquaintances before? In the latter case, I'd say she might be kind of desperate to have someone there with her, considering that she chose you over any other friends or relatives that she could have brought. That, or she might just like you that much. Anyway, it might be possible for you to earn some points in her book by being there for her this time.

I wouldn't do it, but if you can get over any reservations you might have, and can call on some social skills to engage a bunch of people you don't know, I would say go for it.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Well,I'm back from my little hiatus here.It became quite a bit prolonged since I misplaced my tablet when I last visited home.My phone won't allow me to leave comments,and the laptop I am using is not mine so...

Flashback to the end of my last quarter,I decided to ignore her(no waving,no talking,etc.),but she almost always would come to my desk in class to say something.After our last class together for the quarter,I was relieved that I would possibly not see her on a regular basis since we have two different majors.

Now we have two classes together instead of one.Since the start of this quarter(it's still early in the quarter),she has been physical with me,which she has never done before.The first week,she hugged me and my friend then rubbed down my mohawk on her way to her seat during a classroom break.Then,she came over and started talking to me during the next break.Last week,she started messing with my mohawk,fiddling with my hood on my hoodie,and talking to me.

I will see her this Thursday and Friday.If you have not read on my past history with her,you will have to go some pages back.Otherwise,I'd rather you not comment on the matter since you have no background knowledge.My real question is:What should I do in such a situation?I like her,but I'm afraid that her gestures may just be friendly or some bull crap will happen like last time after I asked her out.


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## soliloquy

the whole date at a crashed wedding i had it slightly different in my head. point is, you find someone OUTSIDE of the wedding. you KINDA know this girl. you both want to crash someone elses wedding, and the first date you have is at someone elses wedding. if it doesn't work, then you are the fanciest dressed folks at a random coffee place, which too would make for interesting stories.


----------



## chassless

^ i was about to agree with pretty much everyone else, but that changes everything. Go for it, go all out


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## soliloquy

now comes the hard part...find a chick that is crazy enough to make me look sane enough....


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## icos211

soliloquy said:


> the whole date at a crashed wedding i had it slightly different in my head. point is, you find someone OUTSIDE of the wedding. you KINDA know this girl. you both want to crash someone elses wedding, and the first date you have is at someone elses wedding. if it doesn't work, then you are the fanciest dressed folks at a random coffee place, which too would make for interesting stories.



Hell no. If I was a groom and some random ass people that I didn't know and sure as hell didn't invite came in and were eating my god damn food and ....ing up my god damn seating arrangements at my god damn wedding I would be spending my honeymoon in jail because of the asses I just kicked.

As for being the most dressed up people in wherever that doesn't need people being dressed up, you can, and should, just do that for fun. We did that quite a bit in my first relationship. It's just fun dressing up and putting on a suit and stuff.


----------



## soliloquy

icos211 said:


> Hell no. If I was a groom and some random ass people that I didn't know and sure as hell didn't invite came in and were eating my god damn food and ....ing up my god damn seating arrangements at my god damn wedding I would be spending my honeymoon in jail because of the asses I just kicked.
> 
> As for being the most dressed up people in wherever that doesn't need people being dressed up, you can, and should, just do that for fun. We did that quite a bit in my first relationship. It's just fun dressing up and putting on a suit and stuff.



you haven't been to a punjabi wedding, have you? 
they easily have over 1000 people with no seating plans of any sort. tables are arranged in massive round tables that usually fit 10ish people. its self served buffet style food, so its not like they make specifically the amount of food for the people who RSVPed to your event. 

in a way, brown weddings are far less hassle free than traditional 'white' weddings. both can be equally stressful though in their own right. though brown weddings are mainly tilted towards dancing. 'white' weddings are mainly titled towards the bride and the groom.


----------



## Explorer

I had quite a few lesbians hit on me, and then turn out to be LUGs. 

I don't think I have any advice, but there enough has-be-ans who I've known that I wouldn't be surprised when someone puts out signals that they might switch teams.


----------



## Nour Ayasso

Chokey Chicken said:


> So much this. I hate guys who try to get with lesbians, particularly if they know she's les. Not saying this to anyone in particular, I'm just thinking out loud, but I hate the thought process of "you just haven't had the right dick yet." So many creepy ....s have said this or something similar to me and I cringe every time.



Yep guys like that make us look bad...


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Explorer said:


> I had quite a few lesbians hit on me, and then turn out to be LUGs.
> 
> I don't think I have any advice, but there enough has-be-ans who I've known that I wouldn't be surprised when someone puts out signals that they might switch teams.



For a handful of reasons, women are a lot more fluid with their sexuality. There's also the fact that a lot of bisexual women will mistakenly think they're flat out les because they have feelings for women. (Not sure how common it is, but it happens.) This fact alone may be worth asking the roommate what her feelings are. It's not offensive, at least in my eyes, to clarify sexuality with someone. It's when you know for sure and make advances anyway when you become a dick. Another example of communication being absolutely key in relationships.

I actually didn't know LUG was a thing. I never knew anyone who could be described as such, though a lot of people in high school liked to think I went with women for the shock factor/attention. I've been bullied, and on a few occasions hit over it.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

soliloquy said:


> you haven't been to a punjabi wedding, have you?
> they easily have over 1000 people with no seating plans of any sort. tables are arranged in massive round tables that usually fit 10ish people. its self served buffet style food, so its not like they make specifically the amount of food for the people who RSVPed to your event.
> 
> in a way, brown weddings are far less hassle free than traditional 'white' weddings. both can be equally stressful though in their own right. though brown weddings are mainly tilted towards dancing. 'white' weddings are mainly titled towards the bride and the groom.



Punjabi weddings are fukking king.

My family are kinda 50-50, half have done those kickass kinds and the other half (more like about 30% actually) do segregated weddings because muh religion and it's just exceedingly meh

all IMO of course, no offense intended


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## Explorer

Chokey Chicken said:


> I actually didn't know LUG was a thing. I never knew anyone who could be described as such....



I didn't know it was a thing either when I was at university. It was only after graduation that a lot of friends (many of whom had hit on me) then started marrying guys and having babies, and all of them have remained so... and have told me to *never* bring up those times. 

I'm not talking about people in general. I'm only talking about friends I've known for years.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Obsidian Soul said:


> Well,I'm back from my little hiatus here.It became quite a bit prolonged since I misplaced my tablet when I last visited home.My phone won't allow me to leave comments,and the laptop I am using is not mine so...
> 
> Flashback to the end of my last quarter,I decided to ignore her(no waving,no talking,etc.),but she almost always would come to my desk in class to say something.After our last class together for the quarter,I was relieved that I would possibly not see her on a regular basis since we have two different majors.
> 
> Now we have two classes together instead of one.Since the start of this quarter(it's still early in the quarter),she has been physical with me,which she has never done before.The first week,she hugged me and my friend then rubbed down my mohawk on her way to her seat during a classroom break.Then,she came over and started talking to me during the next break.Last week,she started messing with my mohawk,fiddling with my hood on my hoodie,and talking to me.
> 
> I will see her this Thursday and Friday.If you have not read on my past history with her,you will have to go some pages back.Otherwise,I'd rather you not comment on the matter since you have no background knowledge.My real question is:What should I do in such a situation?I like her,but I'm afraid that her gestures may just be friendly or some bull crap will happen like last time after I asked her out.


 
She's keeping you as an orbiter dude, ignore her and go talk to other girls.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

glassmoon0fo said:


> She's keeping you as an orbiter dude, ignore her and go talk to other girls.


Yeah.You're right or at least it's something similar.I got that impression yesterday,but I don't feel like detailing everything and you knew what happened here last time I drew a conclusion without evidence.People here got more moody than I did and then drew conclusions with no knowledge of the situation that what I've told.

Anyways,I'll probably just keep doing what I've been doing.All my remaining candidates are no-goes or I just don't really see them that much at all.I'll probably just keep to myself and find someone outside of school after I get a job and a car.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Don't take her actions as a knock dude, you're obviously good enough for her to want attention from you but not what she's looking for in a match, and there's nothing wrong there. Lots, and by lots I mean almost most, girls keep good guys that they LIKE orbiting around them like a dick in a glass case (break in case of emergency) while they look for guys they DESIRE. She probably likes you, but doesn't get the tinglies in her jimmies so doesn't feel the need to lock you up. I'd say that's a good thing to start, and if it was me in that situation, I'd turn it on her and chat up other girls in front of her. She's pushing your buttons to see what kind of reaction she gets, disconnect your buttons and start pushing hers. 

Or if you'd just like to be done with the situation altogether, I'd advise as your next step:


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Hey friends. Things have been going well with my girlfriend. I'm very happy with her. I wanted instead to discuss something here that's a bit different...

I had a dream last night where I was driving through my college town with this girl I know, not my girlfriend. She's a girl who graduated last year who I liked a bit but she's actually pretty negative and emotional. We never did anything other than kiss once. Anyway, we were driving and the road system was very weird, so we stopped repeatedly to wait our turn to drive.
However, intermittently we would get really close and I would kiss her/hold her/heavy breathing etc. She very rarely talked during that time but she initiated it sometimes.

I haven't talked to her in over a month and I usually only talk to her to humor her if she texts me, or occasionally snapchat her. I'm pretty sure I haven't seen anything from her specifically yesterday on Facebook or anything.

I'm not dwelling on it, but it's a bit random and confusing. Anyone have any ideas as to why I might have had this dream?


----------



## piggins411

I would say because dreams are dreams and the subconscious is a funny thing


----------



## DredFul

piggins411 said:


> I would say because dreams are dreams and the subconscious is a funny thing



Agreed. Dreams are just electric brain impulses. One shouldn't get too bothered by them.


----------



## BlackMastodon

^^These. If you start analyzing dreams and letting them control your life then you might as well start worrying about your daily horoscope and numerology or whatever other crock of shit that tries to make reason of things that are completely irrelevant and out of your control.


----------



## soliloquy

got a date for saturday after work.

what are some questions you guys/girls ask on first date that get the conversation going?i have tons of em, but i dont want it to seem like a pop-quiz


----------



## glassmoon0fo

The way dreams work is this: your subconscious mind runs many many times faster than your conscious mind, so when you're in a dream, you simultaneously create and experience whatever thought you have. A focused mind will often have nightmares very specific to whatever your fear is, and in the same vein a dream will often be exactly whats going on in the back of your mind. You MIGHT have some "what if" thoughts about this girl, or you may just be feeling yourself because youre riding the high of new love and are wondering in the back of your head if you could have gotten this other girl, had you felt then how you feel now. Its healthy, but you also know not to .... up a good thing, so write it off for what it was and take out your aggression on your new girlfriend. Happens to me all the time man.



soliloquy said:


> got a date for saturday after work.
> 
> what are some questions you guys/girls ask on first date that get the conversation going?i have tons of em, but i dont want it to seem like a pop-quiz


 
not like a pop quiz is right homie, any time you're on a first date (aside: I just corrected "fist" date, lol'd) your only thought should be to have fun WITH her, not for her, and to show her you at your best. Wedding crashing, right? That seems like a fun time, so I'd concentrate on letting that happen and she'll reveal things about herself that you can play off of. 

If you gotta ask just out of left field, hit her with something completely unexpected, something that no one else would ask her, just to see what her reaction is. Like, if she's short, I'd ask "Does it hurt as much when you trip and fall?", totally serious face and all. Keep it fun, and she'll WANT to tell you about herself. Special bonus advice, if she asks you really standard or overly-personal questions herself, keep your answer at a minimum, because getting exactly what you want kills your wanting of it. 

Point is, the most unattractive thing in the world is trying too hard to attract someone, and asking serious questions, especially completely unwarranted, smacks of trying too hard. Good luck dude, and thanks for the idea. I gotta find some Punjab weddings


----------



## asher

glassmoon0fo said:


> so write it off for what it was and take out your aggression on your new girlfriend. Happens to me all the time man.



bwuh? I r confused what you're implying here...

That being said, dreams are inherently pretty much nonsense. Most any reasoning you can apply is generalized post-rationalization; I definitely get a lot of anxiety dreams that summon up that feeling, but I also will sometimes get dreams involving exes I've long since moved past. Don't sweat it.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

asher said:


> bwuh? I r confused what you're implying here....


 
Not implying anything. I'm saying, if the dream rattled him because he got a half stock for someone other than his girl, take those feelings and redirect them where it counts instead of letting it screw with his head. Don't be so sensitive dude


----------



## piggins411

If we took all of our dreams seriously, then I'd be expecting someone to literally pull my penis off soon


EDIT: Wouldn't you know my 1,000th post would be about getting my penis ripped off...


----------



## StrongEverything

Y'all need to take the red pill...

The Red Pill


----------



## asher

glassmoon0fo said:


> Not implying anything. I'm saying, if the dream rattled him because he got a half stock for someone other than his girl, take those feelings and redirect them where it counts instead of letting it screw with his head. Don't be so sensitive dude



I was just surprised at "aggression"


----------



## asher

StrongEverything said:


> Y'all need to take the red pill...
> 
> The Red Pill



Take your MRA bullshit somewhere else.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

That's something I've been meaning to ask her. TRP isn't exactly the end all/be all of the so-called mens rights "movement", nor is it a place to go if you want to read civil, balanced discussion, but what exactly is it about the idea that gets to guys so much around here?

I'd venture to say that a lot of the guys that constantly post in this forum have the issues they're having because they havn't considered some of the subjects talked about in forums like TRP. At it's core, the "men's rights" (I put it in quotation because we need to talk about ideas, not titles) discussion is about understanding the relationship of the masculine and feminine points of view, and begs the question "have men become too feminized?". I've discussed that very question with a lot of women, and believe it or not they typically agree that the majority of men don't get it.

I thought the whole idea was sort of absurd and a little offensive at first, but it was mostly because there were some tough questions I didn't want to ask myself because I considered them shameful to deal with. I tell you this, if you can sift through the misguided misogyny a lot of frustrated chumps portray in these places (really it's no different than here, a lot of BAD info being given out but it eventually gets corrected), lots of the points ring true. At the end of the day, I struggle with presenting a lot of ideas to this thread because guys (who came here for advice anyway) are so quick to write off what they don't understand, and I don't even call myself a mens rights kind of guy, just someone who seeks to understand and then be understood.

Until recently, I got lots of positive rep and built a few friendships based on the advice I gave here, UNTIL I mentioned how or where I learned it. Its kinda like calamari, people love it until they know where it comes from.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Well this thread just took an uncomfortable turn. I'll let you all talk it out. This kinda horse shit has no business on my mind.


----------



## MFB

glassmoon0fo said:


> That's something I've been meaning to ask her. TRP isn't exactly the end all/be all of the so-called mens rights "movement", nor is it a place to go if you want to read civil, balanced discussion, but what exactly is it about the idea that gets to guys so much around here?
> 
> I'd venture to say that a lot of the guys that constantly post in this forum have the issues they're having because they havn't considered some of the subjects talked about in forums like TRP. At it's core, the "men's rights" (I put it in quotation because we need to talk about ideas, not titles) discussion is about understanding the relationship of the masculine and feminine points of view, and begs the question "have men become too feminized?". I've discussed that very question with a lot of women, and believe it or not they typically agree that the majority of men don't get it.
> 
> I thought the whole idea was sort of absurd and a little offensive at first, but it was mostly because there were some tough questions I didn't want to ask myself because I considered them shameful to deal with. I tell you this, if you can sift through the misguided misogyny a lot of frustrated chumps portray in these places (really it's no different than here, a lot of BAD info being given out but it eventually gets corrected), lots of the points ring true. At the end of the day, I struggle with presenting a lot of ideas to this thread because guys (who came here for advice anyway) are so quick to write off what they don't understand, and I don't even call myself a mens rights kind of guy, just someone who seeks to understand and then be understood.
> 
> Until recently, I got lots of positive rep and built a few friendships based on the advice I gave here, UNTIL I mentioned how or where I learned it. Its kinda like calamari, people love it until they know where it comes from.



I think the problem with it, is that most of the MRA stuff comes across like a bad 1980's John Hughes villain - the idea that you have to be the quarterback of the football team who dates the hottest head cheerleader, and can crush a 30-rack at a party one day and the next be out playing football as if nothing happened; and that if you do anything less than that, you're not a "man." When you go out to a bar, it's only the most manly of drinks like beer, or scotch/whiskey, or anything else and you're mad fun of because it's "girly." Bullshit, backwards thinking. There's no real definition of what makes a 'man a man' but I'm sure there are key things that we as a society could think of that define it, but all the things mentioned here are certainly trivial and not necessary to that list.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

This might just be me and my own opinion on the subject, but when I read about MRA stuff and the discussion of masculine and feminine views and actions, usually the feeling I get from MRAs discussing it is that they aren't going solely for being textbook 'manly', but they're saying don't write off those things just because they're considered manly. For instance, you can like 'manly things' scotch, beards, beer, cutting down trees and whatever because you like it. Just because something is considered manly or womanly doesn't mean you can't still enjoy doing it.

Maybe I've seen the better side of the MRA movement, I'm not sure, but some of them point out that you can like what you want and you don't have to be a man and hate manly things or be a woman and hate womanly things to be 'progressive' or whatever.

I've never seen anyone say you HAVE to be manly. Just don't feel bad about wanting to be manly if you want to be. That's how I feel anyway; I do 'manly' things like drink beer and workout because I want to, and I'll do 'womanly' things like actively try to be compassionate and show my emotions when necessary or something (can't think of a ton of examples atm) because I want to.


----------



## asher

That is not a position I've ever seen (well, read) come from an MRA perspective. Unfortunately.

Though it's still more linked to out of date "manly" and "womanly" ideas than I would prefer.


----------



## MFB

See, I feel like that's the CORE of the MRA movement - you can do things that people would identify as both masculine and feminine while still being a man and not feel bad about it - but what usually gets publicly addressed is the minority that I was talking about.

Kind of like how feminist rallies in the 60s/70s were about the right things, but what most people saw on the new were the small, extremely vocal minority who came across as the now coined term, feminazis


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

MFB said:


> you can do things that people would identify as both masculine and feminine while still being a man and not feel bad about it



This is just how I feel. I go with that, and I'm a dude, so this is how I interpret this philosophy. If you're a woman it's the same thing. I don't feel like being more complex than that haha.

Entirely unrelated, but Asher, what's going on in your avatar?


----------



## MFB

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> This is just how I feel. I go with that, and I'm a dude, so this is how I interpret this philosophy. If you're a woman it's the same thing. I don't feel like being more complex than that haha.
> 
> Entirely unrelated, but Asher, what's going on in your avatar?



I think you'll find that our generation (I'm 24, and if memory serves, you're not too much younger than myself) is pretty much all about that idea; the "do whatever the hell you want as long as it doesn't hurt others," philosophy.


----------



## Skyblue

After me and my Ex broke up, she started dating one of my friends (they also had a thing sort of before we broke up, but not really the point here). 
I wasn't really happy with that, to say the least, but he kind of disappeared from the group meetings anyway (I'm referring to my group of friends just to be clear, it kinda sounds like we go to AA together ) so I didn't really bothered with it. 
After they broke up he started hanging out with us again, and even though it was kinda weird for me I decided to suck it up, as I didn't want the group to fall apart. 

So last night we were at this pub, and one of my other friends starts talking about this girl he's trying to hit it off with and other girl stuff, and the guy who dated my ex said something about how someone broke up with him out of the blue, and how it suck. Same thing that my Ex did to me, sort of. 

Just felt kinda weird hearing that. 

No real point here, just felt like sharing that. 


On a brighter note, hopefully starting a new job in a week which means I'll finally get to meet new people, and hopefully girls as well


----------



## glassmoon0fo

That's just the thing, all of that is the misogynistic crap I was talking about. Sure, it's present in a lot of the discussions, but it's only because a lot of guys who have been hurt and carry around an almost distaste for women are regurgitating the bullshit their butthurt minds find in other butthurt guys. Broken people break people, unless you tune them out.

On the other hand, what I've gotten from it, and most of this is just for reinforcement, is:

-Make your life attractive, and the rest takes care of itself.
-Accept the world the way it is, not the way you want it to be.
-Take responsibility for everything in your kingdom, the rest is chaos and beyond your control. 
-Trust what people DO, not what they SAY. (and learn how what to watch for)
-etc...

All of that is just base level paradigm stuff that showers its way down to a deeper understanding of the world and it's inhabitants, like:

-Typically, women ARE attracted to a secure man, meaning he does what he wants as long as it doesn't hurt others (heavily perceived as dominant behavior).
-Typically when you're young, you'll meet lots of girls who don't have a grasp on what they're looking for, and since they don't have to work NEARLY as hard as guys do to attract a mate, they'll exercise their right to look around. 
-It isn't your job to judge women, it's your job to be the best man you can be and the right ones will follow, so stop chasing.
-The negative side of Neo-feminism that bugs lots of guys so much, is probably a bi-product of there not being enough secure masculine energy in society. Someone has to step up to lead, and when women everywhere have to make up for what men neglect, you get conflict.
-etc...

In general, I get it. TRP and its ilk at first glance look at first like a bunch of assholes talking like women are second class citizens, and indeed a lot of it is misguided. If that's your hangup and you'd rather not sift through the material, I could recommend many other sources. It's just crazy that in a thread where young men talk about their highs and lows in relationships, mostly with women, we don't consider something because it's hard to be PC while doing so. It's like saying a man cant have a steak because a baby cant chew it.

Also, and take this however you want, but some of you guys' angry outbursts should be pretty telling.

EDIT: MFB and UG, right on. You guys are on the level, well communicated. Thank you.


----------



## asher

I mean, yeah, when it's that ^ I have almost no objections, though I am still reticent to accept the generalized masculine/feminine trappings.

But that's not the majority of what's going on internally, and it's *definitely* not what they show publicly. And I suspect it's not actually the core of the movement, because you don't see reactionary movements spring up that are about expanding everyone's acceptance. Instead, it's horribly misogynistic gender roles, slut shaming, entitlement crap. Why should I give these places my time and views?

ed: oh, UG, my avatar is from http://www.dezeen.com/2014/10/04/tycho-see-music-video-infrared-microsoft-kinect/


----------



## glassmoon0fo

You shouldn't. We agree that TRP is a difficult place to go to start exploring ideas in the mens movement, where I disagreed with you was the idea that a men's movement in general is automatically a bad idea. MFB mentioned above, the loud minority ruins lots of good movements, same as anything, but don't let that discredit the underlying positive message. A VAST majority of the woes expressed here go away when you have a clearly defined purpose driving you, and I think the mens movement has helped a lot of people, including myself, to define what that means for me personally.

I was reading this fantastic book "Iron John" by Robert Bly this past summer in a local deli, when a man walks by and recognizes the book. Turns out it was one of Bly's personal friends on his way across country to give a seminar on the new mens movement. We talke for an hour or so about a huge amount of subjects, none of which were directly related to pullin' bitches and slammin' brews. Bly and his friend are in their 60-70s and have lived an entire rich full life with these values close to heart, and having met them I can say I was excited to dive in. They are proof it doesn't have to be a John Hughes villain type of deal.


----------



## UnderTheSign

My issue with MRA is that it is largely a counter movement. The majority of MRA are not fighting for 'their' rights, they're fighting against feminism. They don't volunteer at rape crisis centers, they don't protest for their issues, they don't do much at all - just insert themselves into the conversation when it's not about them. On top of that a lot of the issues they claim to want to combat are _because_ of what they stand for. Like how the 'male abuse victims are often ignored' thing - it stems from men being abused (when people read that they think physically, mostly) being dubbed weak, feminine, sissy, all that. The movement places an emphasis on maintaining masculinity and like that shoots their own foot. 

As for TRP - I read this More grim news for carousellers hoping to jump at the last minute. | Dalrock which is listed in their sidebar. I'm not even sure what the hell the point of the link was but it sounds like your average TRP reader/poster... An angry, desperate "I'm a nice guy/gentleman why do girls go for the bad guys not me?" kinda guy. 

My problem with TRP is also the emphasis on 'our biology' and whatnot. Extreme emphasis on generalising/dehumanising people and girl/boy stuff. In a hurry now so that's all.


----------



## asher

glassmoon0fo said:


> You shouldn't. We agree that TRP is a difficult place to go to start exploring ideas in the mens movement, where I disagreed with you was the idea that a men's movement in general is automatically a bad idea. MFB mentioned above, the loud minority ruins lots of good movements, same as anything, but don't let that discredit the underlying positive message. A VAST majority of the woes expressed here go away when you have a clearly defined purpose driving you, and I think the mens movement has helped a lot of people, including myself, to define what that means for me personally.



I guess this is semantics, but I don't see any of the MRA/MRTOW/whatever groups as being that kind of a "men's movement" or even them claiming to be. They're instead the reactionary gathering places and mouth pieces for entitled males (I believe largely white too, but I might be making that part up - it's been a while since I read a lot of the articles post UCSB) feeling like they're losing their privilege and entitlement and lashing out instead of being reflective. It's really hard to complain about "losing your rights" when you're the dominant power group and have been for a damn long time.

Because we *do* need more "everyone is awesome and should be comfortable being themselves" movements, very much including guys. But those aren't that, IME.

ed: what UnderTheSign said too


----------



## glassmoon0fo

I've said my part and I'm not interested in arguing in circles over semantics, I would just hope that people here would stop with the "get that shit out of here" attitude like "here" is the only place to get good advice.


----------



## StrongEverything

TRP isn't a MRA website, as far as I am concerned. 

It is there to help guys improve themselves and their interactions with women. Interestingly enough, there is no need for TRP in third world countries where women and men still believe in traditional roles.


----------



## TheHandOfStone

The one thing that makes me wary of MRA and feminist dating advice alike is that there isn't always a single optimal mating strategy. Case in point: side-blotched lizards.

I only bring this strange example up because everyone I talk to seems to assume there is a way to win over the opposite sex ("be a nice guy who respects women" vs. "be an alpha male") instead of _ways_ that are contingent on the kind of person you are. Humans aren't stratified like side-blotched lizards are, but we vary in a number of ways (appearance, social skills, status, personality, etc.) that practically ensure that mating strategies must be tailored to the individual.

And as an even more general point: people seek out the kind of advice they want to hear, instead of the kind of advice they need. If this is the case in romantic situations as well, then perhaps the nice guys will end up _too_ nice and the alphas will end up too dickish. So not only do we need individualized mating strategies, but we're also bad at creating them.


----------



## StrongEverything

TheHandOfStone said:


> The one thing that makes me wary of MRA and feminist dating advice alike is that there isn't always a single optimal mating strategy. Case in point: side-blotched lizards.
> 
> I only bring this strange example up because everyone I talk to seems to assume there is a way to win over the opposite sex ("be a nice guy who respects women" vs. "be an alpha male") instead of _ways_ that are contingent on the kind of person you are. Humans aren't stratified like side-blotched lizards are, but we vary in a number of ways (appearance, social skills, status, personality, etc.) that practically ensure that mating strategies must be tailored to the individual.
> 
> And as an even more general point: people seek out the kind of advice they want to hear, instead of the kind of advice they need. If this is the case in romantic situations as well, then perhaps the nice guys will end up _too_ nice and the alphas will end up too dickish. So not only do we need individualized mating strategies, but we're also bad at creating them.



Judging from what I get from this thread and several other threads on the internet where men complain about low success rates with the opposite sex, I'd say that more often than not, being a "nice" guy is the worst way to go about getting a girlfriend or getting laid (if that's what you're into).


----------



## MFB

StrongEverything said:


> TRP isn't a MRA website, as far as I am concerned.
> 
> It is there to help guys improve themselves and their interactions with women. Interestingly enough, there is no need for TRP in third world countries where women and men still believe in traditional roles.



I don't know about you, but when the first link I see on a website - in bold nonetheless - is "12 Bad Boy Traits Women Crave" I can't help but feel like it's exactly a MRA site that perpetuates everything we already stated. Being a subforum on Reddit doesn't help either.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

TheHandOfStone said:


> The one thing that makes me wary of MRA and feminist dating advice alike is that there isn't always a single optimal mating strategy. Case in point: side-blotched lizards.
> 
> I only bring this strange example up because everyone I talk to seems to assume there is a way to win over the opposite sex ("be a nice guy who respects women" vs. "be an alpha male") instead of _ways_ that are contingent on the kind of person you are. Humans aren't stratified like side-blotched lizards are, but we vary in a number of ways (appearance, social skills, status, personality, etc.) that practically ensure that mating strategies must be tailored to the individual.
> 
> And as an even more general point: people seek out the kind of advice they want to hear, instead of the kind of advice they need. If this is the case in romantic situations as well, then perhaps the nice guys will end up _too_ nice and the alphas will end up too dickish. So not only do we need individualized mating strategies, but we're also bad at creating them.


 
Absoloutly, THANK YOU. Supplementary advice from a variety of sources is a bad thing since when? And you know, that last paragraph is exactly why I think a lot of people get chased out of here. Abe Lincoln said, if you want good advice, ask someone who disagrees with you.


----------



## StrongEverything

MFB said:


> I don't know about you, but when the first link I see on a website - in bold nonetheless - is "12 Bad Boy Traits Women Crave" I can't help but feel like it's exactly a MRA site that perpetuates everything we already stated. Being a subforum on Reddit doesn't help either.



MRA=men right's activist. I didn't know MRA's were known for giving advice on dating. The title of that post refers to traits women find attractive in a male. Nothing more, nothing less.


----------



## asher

Ha. It was Erik, I was right...


----------



## MFB

StrongEverything said:


> MRA=men right's activist. I didn't know MRA's were known for giving advice on dating. The title of that post refers to traits women find attractive in a male. Nothing more, nothing less.



But why specify that they're "bad boy" traits, and not just leave them gender neutral as "12 Traits that Women Crave." Against my better judgement I clicked on the link - and shock and awe - all the traits on there are your typical 'alpha' traits with the exception of one that immediately throws out your 'nothing more, nothing less' argument



> 9. Masculine - exude a rugged, controlled mannerism (versus a soft, caring feminine energy).



And further in the post,



> Bad Boy behavior indicates power and higher status. Acting in an uninhibited, entitled, powerful and dominant manner persuades her to categorize you as a Lover rather than a Provider.



Why are lovers and providers separate? Who's to say a lover can't provide, and a provider can't love? You want someone who is capable of both, not either or. If I had someone who I could only love (assuming they mean love in the physical sense) and was unable to provide consolation when I needed it then that's not so good is it, because when the sex is over, what are you left with? The same is true for the opposite role.

Edit: now that the troll is gone, I suppose this post is useless  Happy over 9K though


----------



## BlackMastodon

He lasted exactly as long as I expected him to.


----------



## UnderTheSign

BlackMastodon said:


> He lasted exactly as long as I expected him to.


That's what she'd say.


----------



## chassless

So yesterday i had my first dinner date over skype, ever. It's a funny thing because i had sworn i would never do long distance again, but this doesn't really feel like one. We've been speaking everyday for hours for almost two months, we made our feelings clear for each other a month ago today, and i've been away for that month minus 4 days. I'm seeing her again in another month and a few. We both yagreed that it will pass by pretty fast and we'll make it through.

At first i told myself "sure, what's a couple of months gonna be?" and then i started having some doubts over how 'normally' this relationship can evolve after being so abruptly interrupted and if we'd make it through to the end, but yesterday felt really natural, as if i had never left in the first place. As long as i keep a good and positive attitude overall, this next month will just pass by, and not only that, i'll also have a more clear mind to focus on this internship that i came here for. So it's all a win-win situation.

How do you guys manage the time and frustrations of a long distance relationship?


----------



## Explorer

Long distance relationships can be hard. I've had good ones and bad ones. 

The video time together can be great. 

The best long-distance stuff is the interaction. Reading advice columns and seeing what advice you'd give, and what was actually given, is a great way to bond. 

----

Regarding "Iron John," in my brief reading of various MRA sites, i don't think I read even one comment on that book or its concepts, whereas there was all kinds of misogynistic stuff everywhere. To claim that MRA sites are about the Iron John stuff is completely false. 

There are great men's movement groups, and none of the ones I've encountered have been about the MRA misogyny at all. To say that you can find a small smattering of that stuff on MRA sites, and therefore they're worthwhile, is like saying that there are some decent ideas in the neo-Nazi movement. I have no reason to go to a resource on hate in order to find *maybe* one grain of a great idea. I can instead find better sources where I don't have to sift through mountains of hate and BS.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Ok dude


----------



## Church2224

glassmoon0fo said:


> Don't take her actions as a knock dude, you're obviously good enough for her to want attention from you but not what she's looking for in a match, and there's nothing wrong there. Lots, and by lots I mean almost most, girls keep good guys that they LIKE orbiting around them like a dick in a glass case (break in case of emergency) while they look for guys they DESIRE. She probably likes you, but doesn't get the tinglies in her jimmies so doesn't feel the need to lock you up. I'd say that's a good thing to start, and if it was me in that situation, I'd turn it on her and chat up other girls in front of her. She's pushing your buttons to see what kind of reaction she gets, disconnect your buttons and start pushing hers.
> 
> Or if you'd just like to be done with the situation altogether, I'd advise as your next step:



This. My Ex did the same thing to my twice, and trust me, it hurts. 

As for the whole MRA, Feminists, masculinity, ect, I can never understand it. It seems like every one is just trying to bitch about everything instead of worrying about their own lives and trying to make their lives better. Instead they want to blame men or blame women instead of just getting over other people's opinions and trying to just improve upon their own lives. 

Then again to me the whole idea of what an "Alpha" male is always boggles my mind, I can never get a clear answer. I know guys who come in and act like they are large and in charge, act like they are tough shit, yet they are the most insecure people I know, they even tell me. At the same time, I know guys who are quiet, not that out going, do not get many women but are some of the most confident and successful people out there 

Relationships are weird, I miss the days when I thought compatible people would meet, fall in love and the couple could just be themselves and be happy without trying to change or control each other. They were together because, well, it was meant to be. Now we have to tell people to be x way or why way and there is little to no consistency.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Church2224 said:


> Relationships are weird, I miss the days when I thought compatible people would meet, fall in love and the couple could just be themselves and be happy without trying to change or control each other. They were together because, well, it was meant to be. Now we have to tell people to be x way or why way and there is little to no consistency.



This is why people need to fight to knock off the masculinity and femininity crap. Guys should be able to like "faggy" things, like fruity drinks or pink dresses. Women should be able to enjoy big trucks, sports, and guitars. Nobody should be looked down upon or up to just because they're a particular gender doing something "abnormal" for their gender. 

What does it matter if a guy likes to bake and wear pretty shoes? If that's what he likes, then that's what he should do. He shouldn't be shunned and made to feel like a failure. Society enforces gender rolls, and it's ....ed. Hopefully one day people can just do what makes them happy, and people with similar minds will be attracted to that. As it stands, we're fairly heavily conditioned to hate on feminine men and masculine women.


----------



## BlackMastodon

I'll drink the f**k outta some strawberry daiquiris, margaritas, and mojitos when I'm out with friends.


----------



## soliloquy

had a fun little first date with this cool chick. have a second one lined up sometime 'soon'. maybe this week or something.


----------



## Explorer

BlackMastodon said:


> I'll drink the f**k outta some strawberry daiquiris, margaritas, and mojitos when I'm out with friends.



I always let my friends decide what I'm going to drink. i wind up with some pretty festive colors in front of me, and I don't remember what half the things are called. 

Soliloquy, good on you!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Things always work out better when I stop worrying about ppl's feelings and do whatever I want... At least for a little while... 

(I don't actually completely disregard other ppl's feelings; that's jacked up. But giving the appearance of not giving a fvck seems to work wonders sometimes.)

So... I've been talking to my ex again recently. When conversation first started back up it was a little bit rough mainly because I didn't really trust her and she was showing some behavior similar to what caused us problems in the first place.

This time rather than being patient like I was before, I just got kinda pissed and said called her on her bullshit. Rather than not talk to me, she seems to be straightening up a bit. I have no idea how or why that worked. My thought is that some folks just push things as far as someone will allow. Perhaps I just needed to establish more boundaries before?

At any rate, we went out on Friday. Saw that movie Annabelle (which is a pretty damn good movie by the way) and at the end of the night we ended up kissing. She says I did it, and maybe I did but I didn't notice any opposition. In fact, she kind of started acting a bit--twitterpated, I believe is the word they used in Bambi to describe it--after... Couldn't remember what she was trying to say, blushing, etc.

She's still being cool too. No awkwardness at all. I dunno what's going on. Perhaps the lack of a label makes her more comfortable. Not sure. I find it odd that being more of a hard ass is somehow attractive, but if that's really what she likes then maybe I can finally be myself with someone.   

The next night there was a show down in Richmond and that young chick I used to see goes to school down there now. Coincidentally she's about .7 miles away from the venue. 

My buddy that was gonna go to the show with me ended up having to do some babysitting for his brother and couldn't go. I hit up this chick and took her instead. The night ended as one might expect.

I think I may have somehow managed to temporarily put myself in the exact opposite situation I was in before.

There's also a third friend that I randomly hooked up with a few weeks ago. I don't think I should do that again as the day after we had a convo that suggests that if we're to continue doing that, it'll probably require more of a commitment... Yes, I'm down for commitment but I'm not 100% sure she's the one to whom I want to commit. Awesome friend, but I dunno if I could more than that with this one. Sounds kinda jacked up considering all the other women I meet suck. Maybe I'm the crazy one...  

Now to ride this out until someone catches feelings and makes me have "the talk".


----------



## Chokey Chicken

I'm at work so I have to be quick and only address one point. Good on your for not giving false impressions. A lot of people would "commit" just to have their fun and then let shit disintegrate.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Nah... That's how you lose friends. If she wasn't a cool person I might care less.


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## Alberto7

... I think I'm gonna need to go out of my way to get some one-night stands just for the sake of getting over my roommate (no, not really. I couldn't do that even if I wanted to ), because the whole thing about me living with someone I like but whom I can't tell is driving me up the walls, and I don't know what else to do. I fear I won't be able to cope with it in the long run if things stay as they are.

I got literally zero sleep a few nights ago, when my anxiety got so bad that I had to call my sister at 5:30am and tell her about what was going on with me and let off some steam (and, boy, did that help. I'm glad she took it the way she did). Otherwise I might have ended up with a panic attack, or something like it that I felt I was on the verge of. The following day I spent it as mentally and physically weak as I've been in years, and was literally useless all day. My appetite also went down dramatically for a few days after that until today. I'm more or less back to normal now, but it's not exactly a pleasant thing knowing that I could have another one of those episodes any one of these nights.

The fact that I'm coping with it so terribly makes me even more anxious, and quite self-conscious. I'm gonna try to see if I can find a friend or relative whose place I can crash at for a few days to see if that helps me clear the fog from my mind a bit.

Again, just venting here... everyone I've talked to about this so far are as weirded out by the situation as I am. Who'd have thought I'd end up having a giant, jealous crush on my gay roommate. Sounds like the plot of a bad romantic comedy, or a bad sitcom.


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## chassless

Well if that's the case, i'm guessing a resolute action is what's needed. You have the choice to mert new people for the sole purpose of getting your mind off her, like you said, you can take a few days off also just like you said, the option of talking to her about it also exists, i'm quite sure that a mature discussion will hurt no one, it might prove to be beneficial to both, who knows? It's maybe not tne first option, but it's still there


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Alberto7 said:


> ... I think I'm gonna need to go out of my way to get some one-night stands just for the sake of getting over my roommate (no, not really. I couldn't do that even if I wanted to ), because the whole thing about me living with someone I like but whom I can't tell is driving me up the walls, and I don't know what else to do. I fear I won't be able to cope with it in the long run if things stay as they are.
> 
> I got literally zero sleep a few nights ago, when my anxiety got so bad that I had to call my sister at 5:30am and tell her about what was going on with me and let off some steam (and, boy, did that help. I'm glad she took it the way she did). Otherwise I might have ended up with a panic attack, or something like it that I felt I was on the verge of. The following day I spent it as mentally and physically weak as I've been in years, and was literally useless all day. My appetite also went down dramatically for a few days after that until today. I'm more or less back to normal now, but it's not exactly a pleasant thing knowing that I could have another one of those episodes any one of these nights.
> 
> The fact that I'm coping with it so terribly makes me even more anxious, and quite self-conscious. I'm gonna try to see if I can find a friend or relative whose place I can crash at for a few days to see if that helps me clear the fog from my mind a bit.
> 
> Again, just venting here... everyone I've talked to about this so far are as weirded out by the situation as I am. Who'd have thought I'd end up having a giant, jealous crush on my gay roommate. Sounds like the plot of a bad romantic comedy, or a bad sitcom.



Have you talked to her at all about it? It really might be worth asking her, in the friendliest way you can, if she was serious about the no more women thing. It might help to get some closure on that. I've sort of been where you are, and it sucks. You need some form of closure, whether it's fully understanding there's no chance by talking to her, or finding another girl to go with. I lucked out and the girl I liked was more into the pussy than I was, so you never know. lol


----------



## Alberto7

I feel like a teenager overthinking things this much and getting so long-winded... here goes.

I agree with you about me needing some form of closure. Even then, it is still hard. I cling to the faintest sense of hope, and I have a hard time letting go. I haven't asked her directly about her not wanting to date women. At this point, I just wonder whether or not she swings both sides, and that's something I hopelessly cling to. I also haven't asked because I am not sure how to approach the subject (even though I have had a few perfect chances that I have stupidly missed).

I am still so hesitant as to what I will do. My safest bet I think would be to move out for some time to forget about her, but I will miss having her around a lot. She's too cute, and I melt whenever she's around.  I don't want to not have that... I have trouble letting go of things, but I suppose there's a price for everything, no? I think I might try to just throw some not-so-indirect indirects out there at her, to see what kind of reactions I'll get and gauge my chances with her, if there are any at all (along the lines of "I'd totally date you if you weren't gay," though perhaps in a more sensible manner?). Again, for the sake of closure.

I also haven't tried talking to her directly and tell her how I feel because of several reasons. First, I feel there is a very high risk of that messing with the whole chemistry in the house, which is already tense enough. Second... she is going through a lot, and me telling her something so uncomfortable is the last thing she needs...

---------

... for the sake of venting, providing more context, and for the sake of getting some feedback, let me elaborate on that last point (about to get even more long-winded here... sorry):

She is in what is, basically, an emotionally abusive long distance relationship for which she refuses to hear advice from literally anyone (all of her friends agree, too), and she is a total pushover when it comes to "being nice." She is absolutely adamant on "winning her girlfriend back" and is actually traveling to pay her a visit soon despite the fact that she has all kinds of other things going on that week and is risking a heavy dispute with her family, and even after all the shit she admittedly has been going through because of her. It kills me to know that she acknowledges the kind of relationship she is in, and she knows exactly how badly it is interfering with her life, yet she still insists on staying in it, just because she "did something bad once at the beginning of the relationship." She feels like she has no right to complain about being manipulated like this because of whatever she might have done to her girlfriend two years ago (she hasn't said to any of us at home exactly what she did, but...  I won't ask her about it unless she wants to say, but I can't imagine it being that bad). She practically feels like she owes everything she has, including her happiness (which is almost zero these days), to her girlfriend, and I can't understand that someone would be willing to become so submissive because of such a thing.

Every time I see her I ask her how she's doing and, thankfully enough, she's always honest, and she does vent, but she outright refuses to hear people out, and it frustrates me. It makes me feel _very_ helpless, especially given the situation I find myself in. I don't push her more than she's willing to be pushed whenever we talk, but I highly dislike the attitude she's taking towards her relationship. It isn't my problem, and I probably shouldn't be meddling in her business, but it pains me to see the state she is in. I've been trying hard to learn her boundaries ever since we met, so I give her space whenever she needs it, but I somehow feel like I shouldn't, and it angers me.

... and here goes another sleepless night. *sigh*


----------



## Konfyouzd

I'm not sure going out and dipping your wick in random wax is gonna change the fact that you have feelings for that chick... Perhaps it'd be more worthwhile to go out and just enjoy the company of other ppl w/o worrying about the birds and bees--to include your friend.

I've been really really into female friends before as well, but honestly after a while, if they're not having it, something else always catches your eye.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

I'll try to hop back on, but I'm out the door to get my wife from work. I will say that you should at the very least be there to catch her when she falls. I have a feeling that her girl ain't being faithful. (weird conclusion to jump to, but a lot of these "abusive" relationships tend to end like that.) I'm willing to bet that when she does visit, shit is going to fall apart really god damn hard, and she's going to need someone to talk to. I highly recommend you be there for her.

You're right that it's a hard subject to bring up too, especially if she's hitting rocks in her current relationship. I'd personally try to detach hope that she's bi, and try to find other girls that there are zero questions about. But you should definitely be there for her when this shit crumbles, because it's going to one way or the other.


----------



## Alberto7

^ From what I gather, there is a very high likelihood her partner is, indeed, being unfaithful. And she knows this. That's why she's going to go on that crazy trip to, quote, "win her back." It seems like she figured out her own sexuality when she met her current partner, a bit over two years ago, so I suppose I understand, in a way, her unwillingness to let go**. Also, her girlfriend is about 6-7 years older than she is (my roommate's not even 20 yet, and they began dating when she was 17), which is extremely unsettling to me... I know age doesn't necessarily matter, but I've seen it happen enough that the more mature partner is just taking advantage of the naivete of the younger one that it makes my cynicism spark to life. I tell you, the whole thing is like watching a dear friend willingly jump in front of traffic while being strapped to a chair.

** I found it interesting/worrying when she told me this. This is all based on my own (and my sister's) observations, but almost everything she does is because of her girlfriend. From her haircut, down to her tastes in music. It's as though she feels like she is who she is because of this person, and if she lets go, she'll feel like she's letting go of her identity as well, with nothing to fall back on. I think, really, that's where her current conflict stems from, and it seems to me as though she's being manipulated quite badly. It's what hints at me that yes, she will crash hard.

Now, this paragraph is likely the outcome of overthinking everything I do - especially when I'm this state of constant anxiousness - but I'm afraid to be there for her when she crashes. I want to, and I feel like I should, because I don't want to leave her alone (which she won't be anyway; my sister and her are as close as she and I are, if not more, and we all live under the same roof), and it makes me sad seeing her hurt. But at the same time, I'm beginning to think about myself more, as I don't want to get any more attached. This is toxic enough as it is. Worst that could happen in that case is that I can't hold it in anymore and I let it all out on her, giving her yet another thing to worry about.



Konfyouzd said:


> I'm not sure going out and dipping your wick in random wax is gonna change the fact that you have feelings for that chick... Perhaps it'd be more worthwhile to go out and just enjoy the company of other ppl w/o worrying about the birds and bees--to include your friend.
> 
> I've been really really into female friends before as well, but honestly after a while, if they're not having it, something else always catches your eye.



Nothing has caught my eye in any meaningful way in ages. She is the first person I've felt a strong romantic attraction to in over 2 years, which is admittedly odd. I also have no choice but to see her and hear her every day, even when I don't want to, so that doesn't help. This, of course, doesn't count a friend of mine from high school who lives abroad and with whom I talk to a lot. I've gotten hung up on her occasionally (last time was about a year ago, I think), and it's not that it hasn't affected me, but it's a much more fleeting thing. Besides, we haven't seen each other in over, coincidentally, 2 years. Maybe I should just make an effort to meet new people more often.


----------


PS: guys/girls, I'm sorry I'm getting so drawn-out and self-centered with my issue here. I feel bad when I write this much, but there are few people with whom I can talk about this face to face, and I urgently need to blow off some steam, particularly at night, when everyone's sleeping and my mind is going at a 100 mph. Having a hypothetical audience (and I say hypothetical because I honestly don't expect people to actually read these essays ) also helps me to put my thoughts together. I really do appreciate all of your input - be it cold truth or a pat on the head - and I hope I can return the favor some day.

EDIT: and now that I think about it, I feel like I shouldn't be talking about these things this much in detail on a public space. Makes me paranoid.


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## Konfyouzd

Before my most recent gf I hadn't had one for 9 years and most of the women I met in that time I didn't like much. You got time, man.

Meeting new ppl more often sounds like a good idea. It also seems like you think about things too much which isn't necessarily a bad thing but it seems to be causing some turbulence in your head right now.


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## Church2224

I was in a store at the mall today with my buddy, one of the girls who worked there saw me and said hi and greeted us, then left, but kept looking back at me. We looked around and a few minutes later she ran up to me, and apparently we have a class together. I had never seen her before but I know she is in my class due to the information she gave me. We talked for a minute, she is pretty cute and seems cool, idk, Is this a good thing she recognized me like that ? Never had that happen.


----------



## MFB

I'd say it's just a thing, neither good nor bad, just neutral. I have a tendency to remember people's faces from class, just in case I need something down the road/because I know I'll be seeing them on a regular basis so I'd look like an asshole if I just ignored them while they recognized me


----------



## Kiwimetal101

Church2224 said:


> I was in a store at the mall today with my buddy, one of the girls who worked there saw me and said hi and greeted us, then left, but kept looking back at me. We looked around and a few minutes later she ran up to me, and apparently we have a class together. I had never seen her before but I know she is in my class due to the information she gave me. We talked for a minute, she is pretty cute and seems cool, idk, Is this a good thing she recognized me like that ? Never had that happen.



Never know if you don't try, since you've never seen her anyway it's not gonna be a big deal if you got the wrong vibe.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Church... Keep that dialogue going. You'll find out if it's good bad or neutral.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

I'd like to personally thank everyone in this thread for convincing me to dump my girl of four years before college. I've been laying so much god damn pipe I could plumb a city.


----------



## Church2224

Well thanks guys I appreciate it! 

Good news is I already am scheduling a date with a girl I met today. So pretty excited.


----------



## asher

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> I'd like to personally thank everyone in this thread for convincing me to dump my girl of four years before college. I've been laying so much god damn pipe I could plumb a city.



It's very likely I may have been one of those (I don't remember, but retrospectively wish I'd ended things), so: Good to hear, man!


----------



## Konfyouzd

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> I'd like to personally thank everyone in this thread for convincing me to dump my girl of four years before college. I've been laying so much god damn pipe I could plumb a city.


----------



## Alberto7

So, this Halloween was quite a successful night for me in that I went all out and I got to unwind enough to give me a big boost of confidence in myself, and I have been pretty busy since. It gave me enough confidence to, among other things, actually go out and be with my roommate more and spend more quality time with her, instead of avoiding her, locking myself up in my room, and getting anxious because I don't know what she is up to when she's out and about the apartment. However, I do get pretty jealous and anxious when she's hanging out with her friends (makes me feel a lot less important to her; like I could be replaced. It also happens more, oddly enough, when she hangs out with her guy friends) but those are my own insecurities acting up, and I gotta get over that myself.

It's honestly been lovely and super fun spending more time with her, and it does help me cope with my uber-tightly compartmentalized emotions. However, I am becoming increasingly attached, and this accentuates my fear that I will crash even harder at some point soon; I have this lingering feeling that I'll be rejected hard. I still don't know how to read signals from her either. Being this much into someone from the opposite sex who likes her same gender is honestly very confusing for me. If this weren't the case, I would have jumped on her ages ago; to be embraced or rejected, but some closure would have happened already. I feel I keep misinterpreting signals from her, and they keep giving me a false sense of hope (things like more prolonged and intense eye contact than usual between her and me, and her cornering me with questions like "so what's your type of girl?" (maybe she's noticed?), all of which could be a mere result of us becoming more friendly), and I don't know how to stop it.

She is still going on her crazy trip to "win back" her ex-gf (which, after she told me what her plan is, it feels more like she's going to "buy back" her ex-gf), but she's decided to talk to her parents beforehand and changed the trip to a more feasible date, which makes me glad. I feel as though the outcome of this trip will be the turning point for me, and it will help me greatly in deciding whether or not it is safe to talk to her (something I am absolutely dying to do).


----------



## Alberto7

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> I'd like to personally thank everyone in this thread for convincing me to dump my girl of four years before college. I've been laying so much god damn pipe I could plumb a city.



LOL this is amazing.  Happy for you dude!


----------



## asher

Glad you're feeling better, mate. Getting out and about with friends is usually a pretty good way to feel better


----------



## revivalmode

Hey everyone, thought I'd share my story here:

My girlfriend broke up with me 7 days ago because she said she didn't had feelings for me anymore, we were together for almost two years... Two months ago she wanted to do the same but she immediately had regrets (came back crying, even gave me a gift, ...) so I guess this time it was for serious, although I don't understand because in those two months we still had just as much fun together as always.

Now that I look back on the past few weeks, I noticed that she didn't wanted much affection anymore, no passionate kisses, excuses for sex... But I never thought about it further, I just thought it was a phase because you know, girls can be like that sometimes. 

So yeah, still pretty devastated since this was my first real relationship, I'm doing 'NC' (no contact) right now since a few days but I'm always hoping she will ever text me again. She obviously know how I still feel so texting first is a no-go because I don't want to look desperate and needy, which I already did because I called with her like 40 minutes two days after she said she wanted to break up.

I don't have much close friends to talk to about this, actually none, I never had much friends, in the last couple of years I hung around with a few people but I don't consider them best friends, something's missing about them to put them in that category and I was so dumb to put my social life aside for almost two years just for my girlfriend... Anyhow, some support would definitely cheer me up!


----------



## Alberto7

^ I wish I were in a position to cheer you up at least a bit dude. That sounds rough. I've never been in such a long-term relationship, but one of my closest friends ended it with her boyfriend of two and a half years, and I had to be there to help her tough it out. Shit's rough yo.



asher said:


> Glad you're feeling better, mate. Getting out and about with friends is usually a pretty good way to feel better



Meh, I was feeling decently when I wrote that, but I've reverted back to feeling crappy very quickly, and my lack of sleep is affecting me badly. I haven't had more than 5 hours of sleep in one night since this whole thing turned bad about 2 weeks ago. Going out that Halloween night gave me the motivation to seek her out more and spend more time with her, but the past couple of days I am so tired and so conscious of my situation when I am with her, that I just become braindead and it makes the situation turn awkward. Like tonight everyone was having fun, and I was just kinda sitting there saying nothing because my mind was too foggy. Besides, she's having a lot of trouble with her own relationship, and it hurts me in turn to see her like that. I had to see her off this morning while she was bawling her eyes out because she had one of her (daily) discussions with her gf right before leaving (which consist on my roommate just silently listening to her girlfriend rant and making her feel like shit, apparently), and it ruined my entire day seeing her like that.

And here's something funny that happened yesterday that has been playing games with me. It really is the icing on the f*cking cake, especially since it's been a _very_ touchy subject for me for quite a few years now (as some of you may know based on that thread I made about "quitting" guitar a few months back. You'll see):

Who she is is actually intimidating to me. She's very good at a million different things (sports, painting, etc.), and she is very smart. I always found that a bit intimidating, but I could handle it. After all, I can play guitar and know more music than your average joe. That's my thing, you know? It's what I do. I've made it the biggest part of my identity for the last 10 years.

Well, I always knew she could play a bit of guitar. Like she learned a quick song at some point and that was it. Yesterday she picked up an acoustic that my friend left at our place, and we were messing around on it, and she played some stuff that honestly surprised me. She didn't sound like a beginner trying to play a song, but rather like someone who played for a while and then stopped and forgot (kind of like me, except I still have _some_ of my chops left). Then today she went on to tell me that she studied music as a child and has been playing the piano since she's 6. It explains what came next.

Today we were all sitting in the living room messing about on the guitar again, and she and I started to make an instrumental guitar version of the song "Dango Daikazoku" (which some of my anime-savvy peeps from here will understand how much it means to me). We also played some other pop songs which we figured out on the spot. I realized that she has very a natural fluidity for music. Very refined ear and rhythm. She isn't even trying, and she's figuring out things by ear effortlessly and reading tabs like one would read a book; skills that I feel I lack. Not only did she hit my music, guitar, and piano soft spots, but she made me feel very jealous, too. I feel as though the girl I have fallen for has completely stolen my thunder, and I am just nothing next to her. And this is one of my problems right now: I have developed a fear that I'm just not good enough for this someone that I perceive (perhaps falsely) to be very accomplished, and I belittle myself a lot because of it.

To make matters worse, she barely values herself at all. She thinks very little of herself, despite actually being pretty outstanding. It's one thing to be humble, but it's another to seriously think you're shit at everything, when you're just good at most things.

This all just sounds like it came from a TV flick. Why did I have to fall for this specific person? I don't get it. I've been told by a person very close to me and that knows me very well that maybe this whole thing is just just an unconscious decision I made to serve as an excuse to vent out and express a long-lasting yet undiagnosed depression that I may have (and that I've suspected for a long time that I have). It makes sense in my head, but it doesn't feel that way...

I've already talked about my problem to most of the people closest to me, but talking to them isn't enough anymore... I made an appointment with my personal counselor to tell her about it, but December is a long way off... I hope a slot opens up between now and then. I may take this up to a private psychologist. I don't know who to turn to anymore. I'm not used to dealing with situations like these so intensely, and 24/7. My brain says "leave and forget about her," but my emotional side only wants to stay by her side and help her get through her stuff, regardless of how I might feel. It's idiotic.


----------



## HUGH JAYNUS

Im about to bang a super hot stripper. my wife is gonna be so proud


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

Thanks guys


----------



## asher

METAL_WIZARD said:


> Im about to bang a super hot stripper. my wife is gonna be so proud



wtf


----------



## BlackMastodon

revivalmode said:


> Hey everyone, thought I'd share my story here:
> 
> My girlfriend broke up with me 7 days ago because she said she didn't had feelings for me anymore, we were together for almost two years... Two months ago she wanted to do the same but she immediately had regrets (came back crying, even gave me a gift, ...) so I guess this time it was for serious, although I don't understand because in those two months we still had just as much fun together as always.
> 
> Now that I look back on the past few weeks, I noticed that she didn't wanted much affection anymore, no passionate kisses, excuses for sex... But I never thought about it further, I just thought it was a phase because you know, girls can be like that sometimes.
> 
> So yeah, still pretty devastated since this was my first real relationship, I'm doing 'NC' (no contact) right now since a few days but I'm always hoping she will ever text me again. She obviously know how I still feel so texting first is a no-go because I don't want to look desperate and needy, which I already did because I called with her like 40 minutes two days after she said she wanted to break up.
> 
> I don't have much close friends to talk to about this, actually none, I never had much friends, in the last couple of years I hung around with a few people but I don't consider them best friends, something's missing about them to put them in that category and I was so dumb to put my social life aside for almost two years just for my girlfriend... Anyhow, some support would definitely cheer me up!


It's a shitty situation but you absolutely can't blame yourself for this. Do *not *dwell on what you could've done differently and if she would've stayed if you did better, etc. There's nothing you could've done. She spent a lot of time thinking this over and in the end this was her decision. Sometimes people just stop loving each other and all things considered, this sounded like a pretty clean breakup. Sure it might hurt like hell and you may be depressed but you'll get through it. I wouldn't try to contact her much, not any time soon anyway. If you need some closure in a few weeks or a month or so then try reaching out to her again just to lay out whatever you need to say and be done with it.




Alberto7 said:


> Very long, multi-post story.


Dude, why are you doing this to yourself?! I'm probably gonna come off as a little harsh here but I think it needs to be said: Get over her. You're just beating the shit out of yourself over this, and for what? A girl who is almost definitely not even into your gender? The human mind makes you want things you can't have even more, so maybe that's where your massive infatuation with this girl is coming from. I totally understand that you want to help her with her issues, and I even commend you for it, but it seems like she is either really stubborn or hesitant towards any help. Have you tried just sitting her down, putting her feelings aside, and just hammering the point home? Tell her that she's better off without her ex and she's just gonna end up spending a shitload of money to try and buy her back. Which shouldNEVER be how you fix a relationship. Her ex is several years older than her and on a way different wavelength, your roommate can't seem to comprehend this breakup because she's been in this relationship for most of what her adult life has been so far and she's freaked the hell out. Tell her that's nothing special and it happens to literally everyone and they all get through it. She isn't going to win back her ex, it's only going to be worse if she tries (she'll end up with a lot less money and probably a f**kton more heartbreak). You need to hammer these points home to her and tell her that she's better off. Tell her she's an amazing person. Hell, tell her how you feel about her, maybe she is bi and she may consider you to be a good partner. You might as well try just to get it off your chest since it's been weighing you down for weeks and affecting your mental and physical health. If she doesn't feel the same way then move on. Sure it'll be awkward living with her after, but that can pass. If she doesn't listen and still goes after her ex then you did all you could and there's nothing you could do about it. You can't save everyone, and some people need to hit rock bottom before they realize what they're doing and start to improve themselves.

As for the jealousy thing: there will ALWAYS be someone that is better than you at everything. It's a hard truth but you have to get over that ASAP so you can stop trying to live in other peoples' shadows. Do you have any idea how small a percentage of the population is actually a "master" at something? And how much time and effort they have to devote to that one specific thing and forego almost all other things? So she's a great musician; so are countless others that you listen to, are you jealous of them and dig yourself deeper into depression over it? There are many people that will always be way better at guitar than me, be in better shape than me, be smarter than me, get more women more easily then me. Should I let any of that bother me? No, because I'm not them.

I'm starting to go off on a tangent so just know that these are the ravings of some asshole on the internet and don't mean anything to you. Or it's some harsh advice that you need to hear to move on towards being happier.



METAL_WIZARD said:


> Im about to bang a super hot stripper. my wife is gonna be so proud


I think we need a lot more information on this one.


----------



## Skyblue

Started a new course after which I'll start working at the airport security, which is awesome. Met quite a lot of girls as well, which I was really hoping will happen- I almost haven't met anyone "new" during the last 3 years (army service~) so I'm hoping it'll open some possibilities for me~ 
Of course the hottest girl in the course is taken but there are still some good looking and nice girls, so hopefully I'll get somewhere  

A small confession, though- I've been helping this girl to study (we have a test every day) and it kinda feels like she's interested in me, but I'm not really sure I'm into her x: I'll see how it goes, and I guess I'll be very careful not to lead her up or anything... 

That's it, just kinda wanted to share~


----------



## Alberto7

BlackMastodon said:


> *advice*



Somehow, I feel like I'm actually getting more out of the harsh truth than anything else, honestly. Some times I need things to be told to me bluntly. I have a terrible tendency to downward-spiral towards self-pity, and I let my insecurities show through a lot when I get in these states of mind. I don't actually have anything to say to your post, other than I agree, and I'm gonna try to put my feelings aside and act a bit more rationally, as painful as that might be. I need to begin manning the f*ck up and realizing where I'm going wrong, rather than digging this hole even further. Hopefully that won't be a feeling that lasts just for tonight, but something I'll drill into my brain and that will get me through this. I appreciate the words and time you put into that, dude, I really do.

Also, I hope my spamming rate here decreases from this post onwards.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

I wouldn't worry about spamming if you legit need to get something off your chest. I do hope that you're able to mellow out though. It's totally not cool to have to deal with this shit, especially for longer periods of time. 

That is some solid advice though and worth taking to heart. (Which you appear to be doing.)

As for being jealous of better musicians, I do it all the time. It actually hinders my finding new and great music. Sucks balls. Haha. (I bet I'm on par/better than a lot of them too, which makes it worse.)


----------



## asher

Don't sweat the spammage man. Despite what the tags say, that's what the thread is for 

It sounds like you process stuff quite like I do, so I will say: It would behoove you to get better at mindfulness. It's really less about clawing back out of the rabbit hole, and more about adjusting course when you feel yourself start to go down. "Whoah, hey, I know I'm not doing so great but we don't need to go there" and then directing attention to shifting the tension away or something like going for a walk, snacking, playing a game for 30 minutes, or whatever.


----------



## revivalmode

Went out for the first time last night since I'm back single, had much fun though, met a girl I knew for quite a while but somehow we never met in person until yesterday. Even asked her if she wanted to go to see Fallujah today with me because she's also into metal. Yesterday she was excited about it but today she said she had stuff to do. 

Still sucks that the first thing on my mind when I wake up is my ex... It's only been 9 days since the breakup.


----------



## chassless

9 days is fine. It usually takes me months to get over my girlfriends. On a semi related note, I have recently found myself dreaming of my ex girlfriend from 2008. That has more to do with my memories of those days and how they felt, than about the girl herself.


----------



## revivalmode

I don't want it to take months, also, this was my first real long relationship so that maybe makes it even worse.

Fallujah was awesome, stood right in front of their lead guitarist, almost had tears of joy so that made me distract from things a bit.


----------



## chassless

^ just mentioning that it's natural for it to take time, especially if she was a big part of your life. But you seem to be doing well, keeping yourself busy and with that good attitude you'll be fine in no time.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

It was my girlfriend's birthday this weekend. She worked kinda late Friday until around 10ish, and during the day til 4 on Saturday, but we spent as much time together as we could. I got her a dreamcatcher because she collects them and she loved it. Saturday evening we went with a few of her/our friends out to a nice restaurant, and then later we went to her friend's apartment where for the first time ever it was just us three there. We Just Danced to that song from Dirty Dancing 

Also, I haven't spent too much time talking to her best friend who lives at the apartment. Last night, however, we talked a lot because it was just the three of us. I quite drunkenly told her about a movie and tv show I'm writing for one of my classes, and she told me that I should work with her and write articles for our college newspaper and skits for this local late night tv show that her and some other people run. I basically freaked out and got really excited because I've barely done any clubs at college because I haven't found anything I've wanted to do, but both of those things sound like a ton of fun.

Her friend told me it was fate that my girlfriend and I got together, because my girlfriend had planned to live with her this year instead of in my building. If that happened, I never would have met her...

...it's really funny how things turn out sometimes. I'm not only incredibly happy with my girlfriend, but I've been given some new potentially significant opportunities to gain some valuable career experience because I'm now friends with her best friend.

Life. What's up with it?


----------



## Varcolac

So I'm single now. 

OkCupid is pretty weird.

That is all.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Yes, yes it is.

You'll be okay though


----------



## flyingV

Alberto7 said:


> *rant*



Do you have anything to take your mind of things? I tend to get myself in one of those downward-negativthinking-spirals as well, usually forcing myself to atleast going for a short walk or going to the gym takes care of that. Anyway, all the best to you.



revivalmode said:


> I don't want it to take months, also, this was my first real long relationship so that maybe makes it even worse.
> 
> Fallujah was awesome, stood right in front of their lead guitarist, almost had tears of joy so that made me distract from things a bit.



Getting over your first gf isn´t easy, I still think about mine from time to time (we broke up middle of 2011). What helps is that I got to terms with that what I want back is not her, but this blurry, all nice and warm memory I have of the first couple of months in our relationship, before it all went downhill. Keep that positive attitude up, it definetly helps.



UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Life. What's up with it?



I always enjoy reading your posts, atleast someone here is happy


----------



## Varcolac

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Yes, yes it is.
> 
> You'll be okay though



Oh, I will be. Already making plans to meet someone from there.

I feel quite sorry for the women on there - it seems that too often they get incredibly dodgy guys messaging them mad stuff. The amount of women starting their profiles with "DO NOT MESSAGE ME IF YOUR PROFILE PICTURE IS A NAKED TORSO. DO NOT MESSAGE ME IF ALL YOU'RE GOING TO SAY IS 'HI BEAUTIFUL.'" is quite disturbing. 

Happily, being a decent human being who knows how to flirt in a non-creepy fashion seems to be working so far.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Yeah being a decent person and sending an interesting first message made OKC pretty doable. Half a year on there and half a dozen dates later I've now been with my gf I met on there for close to 1,5 year. The amount of dodgy guys on there is absurd though.


----------



## Alberto7

flyingV said:


> Do you have anything to take your mind of things? I tend to get myself in one of those downward-negativthinking-spirals as well, usually forcing myself to atleast going for a short walk or going to the gym takes care of that. Anyway, all the best to you.



Thanks for the recommendations, dude. These days I wake up early and go to university/class to study/hang out for most of the day, and I have been reaching people more often to hang out with them. I also do chores when I'm home. I don't particularly enjoy having to dress up for cold weather just to take a short walk, but I do anyway sometimes. I am also registering for the gym this week. It still affects me in the middle of any activity, but keeping myself busy makes it less bad. Going back home at night has become especially terrifying though... my mind works overtime when I'm there, particularly when she's home. Doing some meditation helps calm my nerves too, as asher suggested wub. Thankfully enough though, there are a few people with whom I can talk face-to-face about this, so that's what has been keeping me sane the most. She also already knows I want to sit down and talk with her about her ordeal (and possibly mine) whenever we're both free, so that makes me not be as nervous about it anymore.


----------



## Varcolac

UnderTheSign said:


> Yeah being a decent person and sending an interesting first message made OKC pretty doable. Half a year on there and half a dozen dates later I've now been with my gf I met on there for close to 1,5 year. The amount of dodgy guys on there is absurd though.



I don't know why they seem to keep doing it. Do they succeed? Do any women actually respond positively to that "hy bby a/s/l?" idiocy?


----------



## UnderTheSign

Varcolac said:


> I don't know why they seem to keep doing it. Do they succeed? Do any women actually respond positively to that "hy bby a/s/l?" idiocy?


Probably not. Take a look at all the blogs dedicated to posting ridiculous OKC messages, some dudes get real weird. Not sure why they do it either, probably the same reason some guys catcall women, in their mind it'll do something for them?


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Varcolac said:


> I don't know why they seem to keep doing it. Do they succeed? Do any women actually respond positively to that "hy bby a/s/l?" idiocy?



It translates over to irl too. There are shockingly few people who know how to properly approach women. It's actually scary how many people get violent when you don't respond positively.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Alberto7 said:


> Thanks for the recommendations, dude. These days I wake up early and go to university/class to study/hang out for most of the day, and I have been reaching people more often to hang out with them. I also do chores when I'm home. I don't particularly enjoy having to dress up for cold weather just to take a short walk, but I do anyway sometimes. I am also registering for the gym this week. It still affects me in the middle of any activity, but keeping myself busy makes it less bad. Going back home at night has become especially terrifying though... my mind works overtime when I'm there, particularly when she's home. Doing some meditation helps calm my nerves too, as asher suggested wub. Thankfully enough though, there are a few people with whom I can talk face-to-face about this, so that's what has been keeping me sane the most. She also already knows I want to sit down and talk with her about her ordeal (and possibly mine) whenever we're both free, so that makes me not be as nervous about it anymore.


Glad to hear you're doing a bit better. Physical exercise definitely helps dealing with depression or just generally any kind of stress. You don't have to turn into a meathead at the gym, even just going for a walk or doing a light work out keeps your mind at ease, helps you sleep, keeps your appetite regular. It's just generally good for you. Go figure, right?


----------



## kamello

so, girl from another city is coming to see his boyfriend (who lives in the same city as me) but she is arriving a day before to stay a night with me (after insisting many times actually...) she is being pretty flirtious with me and Im just following her attitude. I _kinda_ like her, but I couldn't give less than a fvck if something happens or not (and Im sure nothing will happen, actually), but Im just wondering _why_ the hell she is seeking up my attention so much.
I know both of them where having a few problems in their relationship, but I didn't got involved in their stuff, and now she said that she actually was jealous of the girl I posted a few pages ago (384 actually). 

again, nothing serious, just ranting a bit 

EDIT: 1550 post... I want that Ibanez


----------



## Varcolac

UnderTheSign said:


> Probably not. Take a look at all the blogs dedicated to posting ridiculous OKC messages, some dudes get real weird. Not sure why they do it either, probably the same reason some guys catcall women, in their mind it'll do something for them?



Oh I've read plenty of those blogs. The nice thing about those weirdos is that they provide an easy "how not to" guide for everyond else.



Chokey Chicken said:


> It translates over to irl too. There are shockingly few people who know how to properly approach women. It's actually scary how many people get violent when you don't respond positively.



#DudesGreetingDudes


----------



## UnderTheSign

Varcolac said:


> Oh I've read plenty of those blogs. The nice thing about those weirdos is that they provide an easy "how not to" guide for everyond else.
> 
> 
> 
> #DudesGreetingDudes



Haha you're up to date on all that then, okc should be fun for you


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

I really want to write this like a greentext story. 
Here we go. 


>Be me
>Be 16
>Meet a qt grill at school
>she's cool man
>keep trying to talk to her but there's spaghetti in my pockets
>give up after a while 
>one year later
>join a new band
>she came to our first show. Actually 150 people did. 
>she's the singer's girlfriend's best friend. 
>start seeing her everywhere. talk to her a few times.
>she has a thing for taking my hats
>finally get the guts to ask her out
>spaghetti everywhere
>she says shes not interested
>tfw no gf
>shes not just uninterested in me
>she doesn't want to date anyone
>she says she wants to be my friend
>tfw friendzoned
>go along with it

>keep talking to grill 
>we have developed a solid friendship
>mfw happier than i was before


----------



## kamello

Ocara-Jacob said:


> I really want to write this like a greentext story.
> Here we go.
> 
> 
> >she doesn't want to date anyone



I always wonder about the reasons behind that one when a girl genuinely says it  

a girl I know comes to mind, she is pretty cute, has many guys behind her, and she has rejected EVERYONE of them (...ok, me included  )




edit: completely random comment, but a friend just sent me this message and I guess it can cheer up some people here


''girls come and go...


...and so do friends
...and your family may die soon and hell, maybe they don't even like you...

good night  ''


----------



## chassless

^ you know, depending on how you take it, there's actually a lot of wisdom in your friend's quote


----------



## Alberto7

Just a quick update because I have to be up early:
I managed to get an appointment with my counselor yesterday morning. I vented on her and told her most of what's been going on (I forgot some things, but they were mostly just unimportant details). The way the session went down was as though she grabbed a screwdriver and a pair of pliers and completely took me apart down to my every component and then re-arranged those down into neat, little organized rows for me to see. It was honestly quite amazing, and enormously relieving. I think she hit the nail right on the head with the advice she gave me and the things about my persona that she pointed out. That new way of seeing things really helped out. I am mainly rationalizing and just 'feeling out' all of my insecurities and how they relate to my infatuation with my roommate, and it's helped out so much the past two days. It might be still too early to call, but it feels like I've finally begun to figure out what the root of the problem is, and I'm learning how to tackle it.

If you're ever struggling with something similar and you're open to advice (which I think one should always be), I highly suggest talking to a receptive and good-mannered professional about it. My anxiety hasn't gone away completely, obviously, but just that hour with my counselor made me feel better, and, above all, it gave me a much clearer idea of the things I need to do to get over this.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Here is my advice, gents:
Stay away from the crazy bitches.

A good friend of mine dated a girl for three years and moved in with her. They recently split after shit kept hitting the fan.

Me and the girl were not on good terms, but she keeps popping up on my Facebook as of lately and I was really curious as to why, so I looked into her.

Turns out this girl is SOOOOOO f**king conceited and self-absorbed that she operates TWO Facebook profiles of herself, has a Facebook page devoted to herself, TWO Ask.FM accounts for anyone wanting to ask her shit, a Tumblr, an Instagram, and some other weird form of social media that I haven't seen before. All completely devoted to her and worshipping herself. I mean, we aren't talking just taking and sharing pictures constantly, we are talking about WORSHIPPING herself.

Guys...stay away from the crazy bitches. Hate to see any of you end up like my buddy did.

That is all.


----------



## Ralyks

So many, many, many pages back, I was talking about how I was in a long distance relationship with a girl I had been seeing for a while now.

Well, fast forward to today, she spent the summer living down here with me, we've become engaged (more in a symbolic commitment sort of way, we have no intentions on planning an actually wedding any time soon), aaaaaand, we have a little one on the way around April. We're also moving back to Buffalo (her area) at the end of the week, already have work and an apartment lined up for us out there, and we both already have some music endeavors waiting for us when we return.

So yeah, a lot happened once we we've finally been able to make this not-so-long distance, but everything seems to be coming up Milhouse.


----------



## soliloquy

im having a hard time reading this girl. we went on a few dates and she seems pretty cool; however, something is missing. maybe that spark or whatever. i brought it up to her just to clear the air and she was shocked saying she thought i wasn't that into her. we cleared the air, and agreed to see each other again soon. then she goes cold again...

i dont get it :S


----------



## asher

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Guys...stay away from the crazy bitches. Hate to see any of you end up like my buddy did.
> 
> That is all.



Fundamentally impossible.
























(I jest)


----------



## Church2224

new girl I am talking to has been texting me every day to make sure I have a great day and enjoy the weather. She is also really into the outdoors like I am and seems fairly outgoing and feisty. 

Best of all she is 5 years older than me, I think I did good.


----------



## texshred777

asher said:


> Fundamentally impossible.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> (Seriously)



Fixed.


----------



## Church2224

First date with new girl was a complete success. We were all over each other when we were saying our good byes tonight.

Here is some advice guys date older women. Seriously, it is AWESOME.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I feel like I haven't posted here in a while...things have been going well with the girlfriend and I  Had our one-month anniversary yesterday, we celebrated with Wendy's. When you're a broke college kid it's a nice little treat  

We have exactly a month until Christmas break, and I won't see her for nearly five weeks when that happens. She's going to Korea for her whole break, I'm gonna miss her a lot.

Overall, it's going well though. She makes me so happy.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Had a date tomorrow... Work screwed me over...

I just met this one too. I honestly didn't think I was going to hear back from her either. We had been emailing back and forth a little and she was always a bit slow with the replies, but there was this like 2 - 3 week period after she told me she was a vegetarian and I told her that I'm very much not down with that lifestyle where I just didn't hear from her at all.

I figured she was just gone at that point. It wouldn't be the first time that sort of thing caused a split--silly as it may seem.

In my last email (where I described my love for eating other animals) I left my phone number and she decided to hit me up. 

Set a lunch date for tomorrow at noon.

Then yesterday happened... 

We were hacked at work and now all telecommuting privileges have been revoked indefinitely until they can seal up whatever holes were breached. Tomorrow is my telecommute day... 

Oh but it ain't over... I also managed to lose my phone ON THE WAY TO WORK. So it's been hell just figuring out a way to even let her know. 

Like what if this is somehow the awesome one and I managed to find a new way to screw it up? 

That said, I went ahead and Google'd her cuz she used her full name in her email. I only found one Facebook profile with that name and... 

I hope it's her and I hope I didn't eff this up...


----------



## tm20

How does everyone manage to get so many dates? all I got this semester was a really detailed explanation from the girl i asked out on how she doesn't enjoy going out with 1 person and prefers a group of friends. I think the idea of a date completely flew over her head....or maybe I just ....ed up  oh well, good on you guys and girls for pursuing your love lives!


----------



## asher

No idea 

Probably involves being able to cycle through new people in some medium, which I don't do at all (and I know it leaves me no options, but I don't have the energy)


----------



## Konfyouzd

tm20 said:


> How does everyone manage to get so many dates? all I got this semester was a really detailed explanation from the girl i asked out on how she doesn't enjoy going out with 1 person and prefers a group of friends. I think the idea of a date completely flew over her head....or maybe I just ....ed up  oh well, good on you guys and girls for pursuing your love lives!



I just put vibes out there and sometimes women dig it for at least a few weeks.


----------



## chassless

My girlfriend back in Lebanon is on her way to the german embassy as we speak. In a few hours we'll know if she was granted a visa, and if she is, then i'll be the happiest man on earth: she'll come for a couple of weeks, here in Hamburg, and do i have stuff planned out for her! (involving Berlin, and who knows, a couple of days in Amsterdam? ...) but if not. Then i'll see her in another month. Please guys, cross your fingers on this one: we've been thinking about it and trying to work it out everyday for the better part of the last couple of months....


----------



## BlackMastodon

tm20 said:


> How does everyone manage to get so many dates? all I got this semester was a really detailed explanation from the girl i asked out on how she doesn't enjoy going out with 1 person and prefers a group of friends. I think the idea of a date completely flew over her head....or maybe I just ....ed up  oh well, good on you guys and girls for pursuing your love lives!


Well first thing you gotta do is make an offering to the fertility god of your choice...


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Konfyouzd said:


> Had a date tomorrow... Work screwed me over...
> 
> I just met this one too. I honestly didn't think I was going to hear back from her either. We had been emailing back and forth a little and she was always a bit slow with the replies, but there was this like 2 - 3 week period after she told me she was a vegetarian and I told her that I'm very much not down with that lifestyle where I just didn't hear from her at all.
> 
> I figured she was just gone at that point. It wouldn't be the first time that sort of thing caused a split--silly as it may seem.
> 
> In my last email (where I described my love for eating other animals) I left my phone number and she decided to hit me up.
> 
> Set a lunch date for tomorrow at noon.
> 
> Then yesterday happened...
> 
> We were hacked at work and now all telecommuting privileges have been revoked indefinitely until they can seal up whatever holes were breached. Tomorrow is my telecommute day...
> 
> Oh but it ain't over... I also managed to lose my phone ON THE WAY TO WORK. So it's been hell just figuring out a way to even let her know.
> 
> Like what if this is somehow the awesome one and I managed to find a new way to screw it up?
> 
> That said, I went ahead and Google'd her cuz she used her full name in her email. I only found one Facebook profile with that name and...
> 
> I hope it's her and I hope I didn't eff this up...



You don't think it's a tad insensitive to belittle her vegetarianism? If it's something you're not into, it would probably be best to just part ways. There's nothing wrong with being veg, in fact if it's done right at the very least it's healthier, so why shit talk it to her?

There are several options for it to work. Either you/her convert (don't apply pressure, just let it happen if it happens), or neither converts, but you both accept that and don't bring it up. My wife is a vegan, and I am not. I already know the kind of shit she goes through just for living a healthier lifestyle and it'd be rude and insensitive of me to belittle that in any way. 

Not quite sure how you worded it, but if it was anything other than "oh, that's cool. I could never do that personally," I personally think it'd be best to just part ways. It's a subject people take very seriously.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I didn't say I belittled it. I told her that I'm not a vegetarian and the lifestyle I live is very far from that. I also said that that alone has been enough to scare others off in the past. I don't really care what anyone else eats. To belittle someone's eating choices is just plain immature... I myself am on a strict diet and I don't expect the women I date to do it with me. It doesn't really matter. 

At any rate, I managed to get in touch with her despite all that shit from yesterday... Hanging out Saturday.


----------



## Church2224

tm20 said:


> How does everyone manage to get so many dates? all I got this semester was a really detailed explanation from the girl i asked out on how she doesn't enjoy going out with 1 person and prefers a group of friends. I think the idea of a date completely flew over her head....or maybe I just ....ed up  oh well, good on you guys and girls for pursuing your love lives!



Welcome to college girls.


----------



## asher

Church2224 said:


> Welcome to college girls.



I keep getting older, they keep staying the same age?

^what I get for being in a uni town and still hanging out with them  (thankfully the gap isn't that big yet and when it gets there I'll just stop entirely, but)


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

asher said:


> I keep getting older, they keep staying the same age?
> 
> ^what I get for being in a uni town and still hanging out with them  (thankfully the gap isn't that big yet and when it gets there I'll just stop entirely, but)


You and me both, bro. Uni town, man.


----------



## Church2224

College girls, they are so damn hot...

Yet you cannot have a worth wile conversation with them, have no ambitions outside of partying and school, will judge you based on the clothes you wear and the car you drive, and are just duller than a damn lawnmower blade.

But I have no opinion one way or the other.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^That's not always true, but I've found that a lot of college girls just want different things from life than I do at this point. As you get older your perspective changes... 

There are women far older than college girl aged that are pretty damn immature in the way you described--men as well.


----------



## asher

And that really doesn't describe most of the ones I've hung out with or dated  Course I stayed in a pretty small sub-set.


----------



## Skyblue

So, I'm doing this course to start working at the airport. Aside it being really awesome, there are several cute girls in the course with me, and I kinda want to ask one of them out, so Ill appreciate some advice about that: 
First and foremost- Is it even wise? I mean, we'll probably work together for at least a year... It's a big airport, and different shifts and all. but still~ I mean, will it be too awkward? Or worse, what if it doesn't end well? We're stuck there together.. Also, let's say I go for it- if it'll eventually fall apart, won't it make it weird to try and ask other girls from the course/girls I'll be working with out? Or am I being silly here? 
And lastly- I kinda feel like I'll come out as a little weird just asking her out... I mean, we're both in the same course but aside for the usual random talk during the day we haven't really talked... I'm probably just stressing myself out, but still. Any answer is appreciated~


----------



## Church2224

Konfyouzd said:


> ^That's not always true, but I've found that a lot of college girls just want different things from life than I do at this point. As you get older your perspective changes...
> 
> There are women far older than college girl aged that are pretty damn immature in the way you described--men as well.



Probably true.

I just hate the fact I cannot get a long with most college students I am with, makes me fell all alone in larger campuses.

I am in that area of I am compatible with older women but they thing I am too young for them, and younger women like older guys but they think I am TOO old for them. Plus my ex was older than me and she has the maturity of a 15 year old...


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Church2224 said:


> College girls, they are so damn hot...
> 
> Yet you cannot have a worth wile conversation with them, have no ambitions outside of partying and school, will judge you based on the clothes you wear and the car you drive, and are just duller than a damn lawnmower blade.
> 
> But I have no opinion one way or the other.


At my university, this only seems to apply to the stereotypical "basic bitch". 

You know the kind that I mean. They declare stuff like:

"OMG! Starbucks, Yoga pants, UGG boots, iPhones, women's rights!"

"I just wanna party!"

"I love man-buns!"

"Mommy and daddy will pay for everything in life including my unoriginal dreamcatcher and bird silhouette tattoos that are in the exact same places that my friend has because we are BFFs!"

"I'm gonna f**k every guy I can because #yolo. And if I get pregnant, I'll settle down with the guy but secretly hate him and blame him because I can't go back to my partying ways. Eventually, I know we will split and I'll end up being a shitty mother to a single-parent child, but I don't care because #swag bitches! It's my life, my rights!"


----------



## Church2224

Haha Pretty much Emp.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Church2224 said:


> Probably true.
> 
> I just hate the fact I cannot get a long with most college students I am with, makes me fell all alone in larger campuses.
> 
> I am in that area of I am compatible with older women but they thing I am too young for them, and younger women like older guys but they think I am TOO old for them. Plus my ex was older than me and she has the maturity of a 15 year old...


It changes as you get a bit older. I tend to get along better with folks 5 - 10 years my senior as well--platonic or otherwise. Eventually the more "mature" women stop telling you you're too young. Something ab a degree and full time employment really gets em going...

(I kid...)

But yea... Things change.


----------



## Konfyouzd

@ "basic bitch"


----------



## icos211

I've been trying to get things going with some new girls, but it seems that any girl who is girlfriend material is already someone's girlfriend... So I have decided to actually take a stab at the online dating. I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of people my age on here, but, as I expected, the more attractive ones have reputations of not responding to anything.

One unfortunate thing that I have noticed is that, being a more traditional person, I get matched up with very Christian individuals. And I mean to the point where it stops being good for the person, we are talking evolution denying, gay bashing, would totally go for a good witch burning kind of Christians (One girl, an elementary school teacher I might horrifically add, said in her profile that interracial marriage should be outlawed because "god separated the nations intentionally and to interbreed would be an affront to his will"). Thing is, I match with them on the vast majority of sex and lifestyle questions.

Then there are the ultra-liberal girls who seem to be actively making an attempt to fit into every over the top MRA stereotype of the "Evil Feminist". These girls seem a tad bit more intelligent, and I match up with them on a lot of ethics questions, but they are very sexually oriented and would hate my conservatism.

Oh, and aaaaalll kiiiiinds of pedantic as .... basic bitches.

So there is no chance that I wouldn't butt major heads with anyone that I were to meet through this, but that isn't a major problem for me, I can be very accepting. Problem is, I have literally no idea what I should even say... Help on this front?

On a side note, I have been having a lot of dreams about my exes lately. Very sexual ones about my first girlfriend, and very intimate, sweet ones about the girl I was until recently seeing. It makes me really want even more to do something to get her back, and I know that I am going to buy her flowers and try to see her at least once over christmas break, though I don't have high expectations about that. I've tried texting her, and she texted back once, just explaining that she just lost feelings for me when she couldn't see me, even as strong as her feelings were when she could. She also unfriended me on Facebook, claiming that she didn't want to hurt me if she posted on there about being on dates with other guys. I am still friends on there with a lot of her best friends, and I've considered posting a bunch of passive aggressive or sad and lonely stuff that would hopefully be shown to her, but I chicken out every time


----------



## RevelGTR

^I would say the ex is a lost cause there, man. Move on, buying her flowers is only gonna make you seem clingy, big time.


----------



## flint757

icos211 said:


> Then there are the ultra-liberal girls who seem to be actively making an attempt to fit into every over the top MRA stereotype of the "Evil Feminist". These girls seem a tad bit more intelligent, and I match up with them on a lot of ethics questions, but they are very sexually oriented and would hate my conservatism.





> My self-summary
> i am ...... i'm 18 and i'm going away to college in the fall!
> i'm a feminist, also involved in social justice and etc. i really like cats, writing, drawing, and designing things. don't message me if you're just going to ask for sex or if you want to go on dates.. i'm only looking for new friends. i'll not give you the name of my college or my phone number, unless we've talked for awhile first, thanks.
> 
> also PSA don't send me messages saying i'm pretty or w/e. i already know and it's annoying
> 
> ...
> 
> I spend a lot of time thinking about
> Feminism and social justice.



You mean like this person that popped up in my okcupid profile? 

I don't see how people expect to get anywhere, friend or relationship wise, with such an initial negative approach personally. For online dating it is far easier to just ignore people who come across as douchebags rather than calling them out ahead of time. I certainly would have no interest in becoming friends with this person based on just this profile alone. I've had people approach me on the web based purely on looks or things I'm not interested in. What do I do? Ignore them. By stating it you make that negativity a part of your personality.

Anyhow 

I didn't quite get along with online dating, but I went into it with that mindset so I'm sure that didn't help. I just stopped logging on all together...


----------



## Grand Moff Tim

Q: What's the difference between a metal guitarist and a dominatrix?
A: A dominatrix knows how to use restraint.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

flint757 said:


> You mean like this person that popped up in my okcupid profile?
> 
> I don't see how people expect to get anywhere, friend or relationship wise, with such an initial negative approach personally. For online dating it is far easier to just ignore people who come across as douchebags rather than calling them out ahead of time. I certainly would have no interest in becoming friends with this person based on just this profile alone. I've had people approach me on the web based purely on looks or things I'm not interested in. What do I do? Ignore them. By stating it you make that negativity a part of your personality.
> 
> Anyhow
> 
> I didn't quite get along with online dating, but I went into it with that mindset so I'm sure that didn't help. I just stopped logging on all together...



I dunno, man. Gives me a clear idea of who not to waste time on. That being said, I can sort of see where she was coming from. I tried online dating for shits and giggles, and people come on strong. Offensively strong, in fact. Never bummed me out since I was never serious about it, but I've had many threats tossed my way after denial. One second they're kissing your ass, the next they're telling you to die in a fire.

Girl ain't doing herself any favors proclaiming how trendy she is. "Social justice" is a blanket statement someone should just never use to describe themselves. Throw that on top of feeling like needing to proclaim you're a feminist, and like cats, and it just screams out "I'm a tumblr whore and I don't really know how to look into facts, therefore I judge people really quickly. If you're a cis-het white man, you're probably a douchebag because tumblr thinks it's cool to pick on that, and because I like social justice, that means I gotta blanket everyone under the worst possible scenario."


----------



## Konfyouzd

^ 

That girl is 18... And she's full of herself as many 18 year olds are... She doesn't sound any different from the hordes of chicks I went to school with. 

And some ppl allow their lack of self confidence to manifest itself in the form of overcompensation...


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Konfyouzd said:


> ^
> 
> That girl is 18... And she's full of herself as many 18 year olds are... She doesn't sound any different from the hordes of chicks I went to school with.



This is true. I was annoyed with that shit (albeit it was different shit) even back in high school. She may not grow out of it though. There are plenty of adults that act this way too. Still, so long as they're putting up their own red flags, s'all good.


----------



## UnderTheSign

flint757 said:


> You mean like this person that popped up in my okcupid profile?
> 
> I don't see how people expect to get anywhere, friend or relationship wise, with such an initial negative approach personally. For online dating it is far easier to just ignore people who come across as douchebags rather than calling them out ahead of time. I certainly would have no interest in becoming friends with this person based on just this profile alone. I've had people approach me on the web based purely on looks or things I'm not interested in. What do I do? Ignore them. By stating it you make that negativity a part of your personality.
> 
> Anyhow
> 
> I didn't quite get along with online dating, but I went into it with that mindset so I'm sure that didn't help. I just stopped logging on all together...


Having seen the shit my gf got on OKC before we both deactivated our account, I'd start out with a negative remark too. I guess after getting hundreds of weird, bad, offensive and threatening messages I'd rather try to prevent it than just ignore it.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I'm really glad my girlfriend isn't that college girl archetype described above. I know a number of girls who are, to a fault. I can actually have conversations with her, she's not obsessed with being high or drunk all the time...not that we don't enjoy that sometimes haha.

I have a serious question, though, everyone. I haven't been with my girlfriend for very long (all in all a month and a half but in college that's a long time), but I haven't had a serious girlfriend before, not one like her.

How do you know when it's love?

Obviously that's subjective and I'll know when I know, and I'm pretty sure I don't love her yet, but I can very much see myself loving her. Just thinking about this since she slept over last night and I spent a good hour early this morning caressing her face watching her sleep. It was one of the most content moments I've had in a long time.


----------



## flint757

Chokey Chicken said:


> I dunno, man. Gives me a clear idea of who not to waste time on. That being said, I can sort of see where she was coming from. I tried online dating for shits and giggles, and people come on strong. Offensively strong, in fact. Never bummed me out since I was never serious about it, but I've had many threats tossed my way after denial. One second they're kissing your ass, the next they're telling you to die in a fire.
> 
> Girl ain't doing herself any favors proclaiming how trendy she is. "Social justice" is a blanket statement someone should just never use to describe themselves. Throw that on top of feeling like needing to proclaim you're a feminist, and like cats, and it just screams out "I'm a tumblr whore and I don't really know how to look into facts, therefore I judge people really quickly. If you're a cis-het white man, you're probably a douchebag because tumblr thinks it's cool to pick on that, and because I like social justice, that means I gotta blanket everyone under the worst possible scenario."





UnderTheSign said:


> Having seen the shit my gf got on OKC before we both deactivated our account, I'd start out with a negative remark too. I guess after getting hundreds of weird, bad, offensive and threatening messages I'd rather try to prevent it than just ignore it.



I get _why_ they do it. That was never in question really. My issue is that it is misguided and likely leads to results they weren't expecting. For one, douchebags tends to have listening problems and also likely don't even bother reading the profiles before responding with some douchey remark. For two, no matter how you spin it, it is a turn off. When someone posts about everything they don't want I'm just not interested anymore. All I have to go off of is their profile and pictures. If a good amount of their profile is dedicated to being negative it doesn't exactly exude positive personality. 

So it likely doesn't stop the asshats of the web and makes people who may not be asshats walk away without giving them a chance. See what I'm saying? Not the exact result I would think they are hoping for.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Oh for sure. Especially since it's the internet, which is the best place to go for people who do shit just because they were asked not to


----------



## jbab

I've been single for about a year and a half. I wasn't interested in going back to the dating scene until at the end of last summer, where I created a profile on this dating site. I got a few dates out of it, but nothing amazing. I quickly got bored of always asking and answering the same questions about hobbies, family, and all that crap. It's kinda like having the same conversation over and over again, but with a different person every time.

Just about a week ago, I met this girl at a pub through friends we had in common. We talked for most of the night, which considering my socially awkward nature is something that doesn't happen often. I talk a lot with friends, but when it comes to strangers I usually have nothing to talk about or just don't want to bother. Being able to have a meaningful conversation with what was pretty much a stranger obviously made me feel a certain connection to her, which I think she felt too. She added me on facebook the next day, and after a little chat she gave me her phone number without me even asking. We texted a little, and I asked her out on a date next time she's in town (she's doing weekend trips every now and then, and she'll be moving back here next year). She made it clear she was interested, but after that things got confusing...

Before going into more details, I should mention I have a beard. A pretty big beard by most people's standards. The kind of beard most ladies hate. About 8" in length. She asked me lots of questions about it, to the point where she seemed obsessed with it. She ended up asking me how much of a challenge kissing someone must be. It told her I couldn't tell myself since I've been out of the dating scene for a while, but that I heard from a long bearded dude's girlfriend that it wasn't that different. She then told me I'd have to convince her, and that she wasn't 100% in on the beard yet. Ever since then, I've been receiving mixed signals. At one point she'll seem very interested, the next she'll sound like the beard is too much for her to handle, and then she'll say she's fed up with dating and thinks she'll remain single for a while. I made it very clear that I wasn't willing to shave, and that if I ever was going to it would be when I feel like I'm done with that part of my life. I wasn't rude or anything, just honest. We're still talking, and I'm still receiving the same mixed signals.

Anyways, I'm venting more than I'm looking for advice here. I'll wait and see how things go, but right now I'm just confused as F**K and dating sucks


----------



## Konfyouzd

Chokey Chicken said:


> Oh for sure. Especially since it's the internet, which is the best place to go for people who do shit just because they were asked not to





And if anyone doesn't believe it, go to Facebook and post a status that says:

"I'm so sick of _____"

You will immediately be hit with 400 memes about whatever is in that blank.


----------



## jbab

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> How do you know when it's love?
> 
> Obviously that's subjective and I'll know when I know, and I'm pretty sure I don't love her yet, but I can very much see myself loving her. Just thinking about this since she slept over last night and I spent a good hour early this morning caressing her face watching her sleep. It was one of the most content moments I've had in a long time.



It's subjective like you said, but what you describe certainly sounds like the early stages of love to me. Go find a cure before you catch it


----------



## glassmoon0fo

@UGC, Love is the feeling you get when you don't think you can do any better 

@jbab, if she asks you what it's like to kiss with a beard, and she's giving you "mixed" signals, it's like a fish jumping into a barrel and saying, "please shoot me". DUDE, that was your shot, take it! It's not beyond the realm of reality that some women find beards incredibly attractive, if I were you I'd assume that all of them do so I'm ready for the next time something like that happens.


----------



## Konfyouzd

When you don't give a shit about whether or not you can do better...


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> When you don't give a shit about whether or not you can do better...


----------



## jbab

glassmoon0fo said:


> @UGC, Love is the feeling you get when you don't think you can do any better
> 
> @jbab, if she asks you what it's like to kiss with a beard, and she's giving you "mixed" signals, it's like a fish jumping into a barrel and saying, "please shoot me". DUDE, that was your shot, take it! It's not beyond the realm of reality that some women find beards incredibly attractive, if I were you I'd assume that all of them do so I'm ready for the next time something like that happens.



It looks like she might be coming over this weekend, time for me to take my shot! Wish me luck!


----------



## jarnozz

Good luck man! 

I had my first real girlfriend almost 5 years ago and were in a relationship for 16 months. The first year was fun. Then all out of the blue, she changed' a lot. She was like a different person and eventually broke up. Me being heart broken trying to work something out and she completely ignoring my existence xD we didn't spoke for months and ended up just friends. She had a new thing and I spent a good one and a half year single. Didn't even bither it. 

I went to a caliban gig somewere in 2011 and met a beautiful, short, kind and funny girl. First thought was Dangggg girl!! We chated a bit and that was it. A few months pased when I saw her posting on her facebook, she needed a guitarist to help her out with some stuff. I offered my assistence and ended up helping her witha few songs/gigs. We saw eachother every week. There were some sparks and I liker her quit a bit. But hey, I am a guy and never noticed anything from her side. She had a party just before christmas and i was invited. Had a few drinks. She was talking to her ex fir a while so my hopes got a bit crumbled. ended up on a comfy chair. All of the sudden she walks over and ends up sitting on my lap.. We kissed and ended up spending the night together  

She's my girlfriend ever since and I love her more than anything!


----------



## pondman

I used to always mistake lust for love.
Time has taught me nothing, I still make the same mistake. The research has been interesting though


----------



## jbab

jbab said:


> It looks like she might be coming over this weekend, time for me to take my shot! Wish me luck!



I asked her if she was still in for the date and she said she wasn't ready for the beard... Dammit...

EDIT: Yet she keeps on texting me. Seriously what the hell is wrong with that girl...


----------



## Church2224

jbab said:


> I asked her if she was still in for the date and she said she wasn't ready for the beard... Dammit...
> 
> EDIT: Yet she keeps on texting me. Seriously what the hell is wrong with that girl...



She is probably using you for a confidence boost, move on and do not play her games.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

jbab said:


> I asked her if she was still in for the date and she said she wasn't ready for the beard... Dammit...
> 
> EDIT: Yet she keeps on texting me. Seriously what the hell is wrong with that girl...


The message seems clear to me.She wants you minus the beard.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Never ASK if she's still into you. If you make a sale, assume the sale is final. Reeks of lack of confidence otherwise. Don't get wrapped up in her, but I suggest you flip it on her and use her for your confidence, rip on her, friend zone her. Be high status bruh, the outcome of your interactions with her should be a non issue, but that doesn't mean you both can't enjoy each other's company. Who knows, she may leave you another opening.


Pun intended.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Important question: how well groomed is your beard? If it's looking scraggly around the edges and isn't looking too neat it could be a turnoff for her.


----------



## Albionic

she's texting cos its a nice confidence boost for her that you are interested also its a tool use to mind f**k the next guy she dates


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Or perhaps she found someone else in the interim and wants to be friends? I dunno. Personally, I'd just go elsewhere. No sense talking to someone who has no interest in you, and you have no interest in outside of dating. 

@Pondman. Lust frequently turns to love. My ex, whom I still love dearly, started out as unholy amounts of lust. It's not uncommon for lust to evolve to love, but that shit needs to be recognized for what it is while it's there. If you're out looking for someone with nothing other than "she needs to be hot," you've got yourself lust and the relationship will likely go nowhere.


----------



## jbab

BlackMastodon said:


> Important question: how well groomed is your beard? If it's looking scraggly around the edges and isn't looking too neat it could be a turnoff for her.



It's well groomed and taken care of, just long. I think the untrimmed mustache is what the deal is for her. She's still texting me today, so I guess I'll reply when she sends me texts and that's it. Not going to go out of my way to get her to talk with me. That whole thing was a let down . Oh well, I think I'll write a song about it


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Flip it man, I'm tellin ya. If she isn't using you or hurting your feelings, no need to burn bridges (for some reason I imagine she's hot, maybe that's why I'm invested in this lol). Be cool, she may have cute friends.


----------



## jbab

You'd still initiate conversations with her? (She indeed is pretty hot lol)


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Not necessarily, I'm just saying that she hasn't done anything wrong (I get it though, it feels like being lead on sometimes), so I wouldn't fall into the trap of attributing her any negative feelings. I'm all for nexting a girl if I feel she's been using me for attention, but that usually comes later down the road after she decided she's not interested. You're new in your interaction with her, this is probably just her way of shit-testing you. lemme explain.

Imagine you're an attractive young girl. Knowing how us guys are, you'd probably have dudes offering attention and affection all the time, and they'd prolly be willing to lie to you and bullshit about themselves to do it. So, if you see a guy you like, you'd prolly push his buttons to see what kind of response you get and what the guy is made of. AKA shit-test them. 

If I were you, I'd make sure that nothing negative she said to me rattled my confidence, like if she said she didn't like my beard I'd either let it slide, or agree with her and make it fun, or maybe, if im feeling real ballsy or she made herself an easy target, say I didn't like something about her. Like her giant feet or goofy-ass toe socks. 

Just stay fun man, and have no expectations. No harm in having hot female friends at all, especially when they initiate conversation and are still trying to figure you out. I'd say you got a little more window to turn this thing around, and if it doesn't work out, hey like I said she might have cute friends. Win Win


----------



## BlackMastodon

Yeah I wouldn't take it personally or ignore her at all.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Chokey Chicken said:


> Lust frequently turns to love. My ex, whom I still love dearly, started out as unholy amounts of lust. It's not uncommon for lust to evolve to love, but that shit needs to be recognized for what it is while it's there. If you're out looking for someone with nothing other than "she needs to be hot," you've got yourself lust and the relationship will likely go nowhere.



My girlfriend is cute but I wouldn't necessarily consider her hot, at least all of the time. At certain times yes very much  but she's more adorable than anything to me. I think that's helpful sometimes. It can feel a bit intimidating if they're really hot. I was still intimidated with talking to my gf initially but I think I just had a crush on her initially so that's why.

I'll even notice or platonically talk to girls who I think are hot but I think "eh, I wouldn't have any connection with them." That's why I like my gf, she's beautiful to me and there's definitely lust there but it feels more substantial to me than it normally does.


----------



## jbab

glassmoon0fo said:


> Not necessarily, I'm just saying that she hasn't done anything wrong (I get it though, it feels like being lead on sometimes), so I wouldn't fall into the trap of attributing her any negative feelings. I'm all for nexting a girl if I feel she's been using me for attention, but that usually comes later down the road after she decided she's not interested. You're new in your interaction with her, this is probably just her way of shit-testing you. lemme explain.
> 
> Imagine you're an attractive young girl. Knowing how us guys are, you'd probably have dudes offering attention and affection all the time, and they'd prolly be willing to lie to you and bullshit about themselves to do it. So, if you see a guy you like, you'd prolly push his buttons to see what kind of response you get and what the guy is made of. AKA shit-test them.
> 
> If I were you, I'd make sure that nothing negative she said to me rattled my confidence, like if she said she didn't like my beard I'd either let it slide, or agree with her and make it fun, or maybe, if im feeling real ballsy or she made herself an easy target, say I didn't like something about her. Like her giant feet or goofy-ass toe socks.
> 
> Just stay fun man, and have no expectations. No harm in having hot female friends at all, especially when they initiate conversation and are still trying to figure you out. I'd say you got a little more window to turn this thing around, and if it doesn't work out, hey like I said she might have cute friends. Win Win



That's actually a pretty smart way of looking at it, keeps a positive vibe to the whole thing


----------



## pondman

Chokey Chicken said:


> Or perhaps she found someone else in the interim and wants to be friends? I dunno. Personally, I'd just go elsewhere. No sense talking to someone who has no interest in you, and you have no interest in outside of dating.
> 
> @Pondman. Lust frequently turns to love. My ex, whom I still love dearly, started out as unholy amounts of lust. It's not uncommon for lust to evolve to love, but that shit needs to be recognized for what it is while it's there. If you're out looking for someone with nothing other than "she needs to be hot," you've got yourself lust and the relationship will likely go nowhere.



Yeah, thats what I'm always looking for


----------



## Chokey Chicken

glassmoon0fo said:


> Not necessarily, I'm just saying that she hasn't done anything wrong (I get it though, it feels like being lead on sometimes), so I wouldn't fall into the trap of attributing her any negative feelings. I'm all for nexting a girl if I feel she's been using me for attention, but that usually comes later down the road after she decided she's not interested. You're new in your interaction with her, this is probably just her way of shit-testing you. lemme explain.
> 
> Imagine you're an attractive young girl. Knowing how us guys are, you'd probably have dudes offering attention and affection all the time, and they'd prolly be willing to lie to you and bullshit about themselves to do it. So, if you see a guy you like, you'd prolly push his buttons to see what kind of response you get and what the guy is made of. AKA shit-test them.
> 
> If I were you, I'd make sure that nothing negative she said to me rattled my confidence, like if she said she didn't like my beard I'd either let it slide, or agree with her and make it fun, or maybe, if im feeling real ballsy or she made herself an easy target, say I didn't like something about her. Like her giant feet or goofy-ass toe socks.
> 
> Just stay fun man, and have no expectations. No harm in having hot female friends at all, especially when they initiate conversation and are still trying to figure you out. I'd say you got a little more window to turn this thing around, and if it doesn't work out, hey like I said she might have cute friends. Win Win



I'd like to clarify that this is more or less along the lines of what I would do. When I recommend people split ways, it's with the assumption that one or both parties are aiming for something negative/unwanted. ie: Her dragging you along, or you pursuing something that will never work. You can in fact keep a healthy relationship with them and it may or may not evolve into something later on down the line. Just don't let it become a hugely negative situation to either of you.

One thing I will say is that ragging on someone even in jest just because they stated a dislike, whether it's her goofy toe socks or big feet, is sort of counter productive and rude. On the other hand, a simple light hearted "your loss" is a more positive way to go about it. Try never to bring anyone down, even if they try bringing you down. Just remain upbeat and positive, and let any negativity that forms come from others and not yourself.


----------



## tacotiklah

I'm reading through this thread again and it's reminding me of when I used to get laid a lot more often. This dry spell has lasted almost a year and it's kinda bumming me out.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Chokey Chicken said:


> I'd like to clarify that this is more or less along the lines of what I would do. When I recommend people split ways, it's with the assumption that one or both parties are aiming for something negative/unwanted. ie: Her dragging you along, or you pursuing something that will never work. You can in fact keep a healthy relationship with them and it may or may not evolve into something later on down the line. Just don't let it become a hugely negative situation to either of you.
> 
> One thing I will say is that ragging on someone even in jest just because they stated a dislike, whether it's her goofy toe socks or big feet, is sort of counter productive and rude. On the other hand, a simple light hearted "your loss" is a more positive way to go about it. Try never to bring anyone down, even if they try bringing you down. Just remain upbeat and positive, and let any negativity that forms come from others and not yourself.



I'm not talking about negging her for disagreeing, I'm talking about teasing and being a challenge. Nobody challenges gorgeous women most of the time, and I promise they're tired of being excluded, it's boring for them. If you can pick on a girl for being a normal imperfect person like you pick on your buddy for being a wuss/loser/dork/nerd/chump etc, she'll love you forever. Shows fearlessness and high status too, dude


----------



## Konfyouzd

Me her on Saturday... 

That was a little awkward. She's very timid. I got her to come out of her shell some, but it's very clear she spends a lot of her time by herself and/or taking care of her family. She's roughly 2 years younger than me and I actually thought she was older. From the sound of things, her family puts her through hell.

That said we had a pretty good time just talking and hanging out. It seemed like she really didn't want to go home. I suppose I can take a small portion of the credit for that, but mainly I think she just didn't want to go back and hang out with her family which is a little sad.

At the end when it was time to go our separate ways, I went to hug her and she threw her arms up like she thought I was going to hit her or something and "kind of" eased up when she realized it was a hug, but not really. Later that night she emailed me and told me that it was awkward for her to accept hugs because her family isn't all that affectionate. She says that she tries to hug them sometimes and they tell her that they don't want to so she's just grown accustomed to not doing it.

I met this one under "strictly platonic" pretenses and I do believe that will be a good idea to stay on that course.

Also, she doesn't seem to be all *that* serious about the whole vegetarian thing and doesn't really mind much that I eat differently either. After talking, it seems to that to her it's more about eating "healthy" no matter what path one chooses. I can dig that. 

All the other women I've been talking to have just kinda disappeared. And I really have no urge to go looking for them. I hope they're somewhere being happy, though.


----------



## asher

Seems like she could use the friend if you just like chilling with her. Good on you


----------



## Konfyouzd

Yea she could most definitely use a friend. We're supposed to be going to a museum some time soon. She's into a lot of stuff I simply don't do, so it'll be nice to get out and see the city I take for granted so often.


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

I need your help guys...

So there's this girl I met... and I _really_ like her. Here's why this is a dilemma for me: she's the sister of one of my close friends. My friend, Phil, doesn't take too kindly to people talking to his sister; Courtney. 

I think Phil realizes that I'm not just some guy trying to hook up with his sister, I genuinely really do like her... And I think he knows, I've made it pretty obvious... Not really on purpose... Courtney's mom told Phil that Courtney does like me, and Phil ended up telling a mutual friend after this mutual friend told Phil that I like his sister. 


It's an odd scenario, neither I nor Courtney have had a relationship in a very long time. Last time I talked to a girl I was 16, and according to Phil and our mutual friend; Drew; Courtney has really never even had a boyfriend before in her life. So neither one of us really knows how to tell each other any of this, it's all done through other people. I know that she likes me, thanks to her mom, Phil, and Drew, but I don't think she knows for a fact that I like her too...


What I need to do is figure out a way to tell her so she knows for a fact I like her, without flat out telling her. I couldn't flat out tell her I like her without approval from Phil... 


And I need to talk to Phil about it, friend to friend, but I really have no idea how to even bring it up. How does one bring that up in conversation? Phil is practically one of my best friends, but his sister has always been a super touchy subject. 


Also, as for her parents, I'm on massive good terms with Phil and her parents. I think her parents would actually be glad if Courtney got a boyfriend...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Go for it and if you need to have a talk w your homeboy I say do it. Seems worth it to me if you're really into her.


----------



## asher

Yep. I'd probably just talk to him and be like "Hey, so I know this is super awkward, but we're buds, so I want to run this by you..."


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I think I'm in love.

I've never been in love, but I think I'm in love, or am at least nearly there.

I haven't seen my girlfriend since Tuesday and I miss her already. Neither one of us is clingy, but this entire week since LAST wednesday we have slept together either in my room or hers since my roommate and her roommate both went home early. I've been reflecting on how grateful I am to have her in my life, and today in a nice Thanksgiving Instagram post she made, she talked about how she was so happy with her life because of her friends and family... and because of me. It made me feel so appreciated and wanted and it made me tear up a bit out of happiness. I'm a bit teary as I type this.

It may sound silly, but I'm 20 and I've never been in love, and every girl I've seen in any capacity besides her has been emotionally nuts and screwed me over or hurt me in some way. I care about her so much and I only ever want the absolute best for her and I try to better myself so that I can help her in any way I can. This is the first time I've ever felt this way about someone.

Sleeping alone isn't even bad, because I'm so happy about the fact that there's someone who I can still wake up and go to bed next to.


----------



## asher

I think this is the appropriate one, right?


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Oh, you <3


----------



## asher

I blame Konfyuzed.


----------



## Konfyouzd

What'd I do?


----------



## asher

I basically refer to  as the "skeet skeet" smiley in my head.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

I think this very belongs here.
It's very deep and meaningful and can have a lot of ways to evaluate it.
It's very textured and rich in the message.

I'm sorry the writing is in Italian, but I'll translate it for you.
First it says "The way women are born"
Then it says "The way men are born"


----------



## icos211

So every girl on OkCupid I've messaged has deleted their accounts within a week afterwards.... Man, I'm either cursed or a lot creepier than I think.


----------



## Eliguy666

Hit it off with a cute couple (it's complicated in a "this thread, or the LGBT one?" way) at a party a couple weeks ago and they want to hang out .


----------



## texshred777

icos211 said:


> So every girl on OkCupid I've messaged has deleted their accounts within a week afterwards.... Man, I'm either cursed or a lot creepier than I think.



It's not you. They get flooded with lots of messages daily. Doesn't matter if they're a 6 or a 10. From the sounds of it you messaged ladies that were not terribly interested in the first place/browsing, got turned off by creepy messages(some dudes will send dick shots as a first hello)or tons of "losers", or they're already attached. 

Unless it is you, of course.


----------



## texshred777

Eliguy666 said:


> Hit it off with a cute couple (it's complicated in a "this thread, or the LGBT one?" way) at a party a couple weeks ago and they want to hang out .



Nice. Either thread works, lol. 

Out of curiosity, what part of Austin?


----------



## Eliguy666

texshred777 said:


> Nice. Either thread works, lol.
> 
> Out of curiosity, what part of Austin?



South Austin, so I'm a stone's throw from anywhere I'd want to be


----------



## Konfyouzd

***


----------



## Konfyouzd

texshred777 said:


> It's not you. They get flooded with lots of messages daily. Doesn't matter if they're a 6 or a 10. From the sounds of it you messaged ladies that were not terribly interested in the first place/browsing, got turned off by creepy messages(some dudes will send dick shots as a first hello)or tons of "losers", or they're already attached.
> 
> Unless it is you, of course.


Yup... Sometimes you couldn't win either way. Eff it. World keeps spinning. Hit up another one.


----------



## Nykur_Myrkvi

So a little continuance of my earlier posts regarding my long-distance relationship status.

Went to visit my girlfriend last month. Had a blast just hanging out again (what happened hanging _in _was no less a blast  ) and we went to see a show in Bournemouth which was really fun (THE HELL, Feed The Rhino, Palm Reader, Create To Inspire) and now there's less than 3 weeks before she comes home for Christmas. Already got some time off work, working on changing more shifts to get more time with her while she's here. Planning something really special for our anniversary as it's the day after she arrives.

I'm also actively looking into transferring my studies to Bournemouth to be with her again. Being together 8 years and suddenly living in different countries sucks.


----------



## Church2224

Well, the new girl and I might not be working out, her father has prostate cancer and she says she needs some time with her family for now. She is in fact moving back in with them. It sucks as it was leading somewhere, but it is understandable.

I guess I might take a brake from dating and just work on me. I need to get back into shape, spend time with my family, play more guitar, a long, long list of things. I think after a few months of doing so I might feel better about everything because I will admit, my ex leaving me for my buddy also still bugs the hell out of me.


----------



## Konfyouzd

It's very quiet here. Been spending time w my cars. The Civic is giving me grief--perhaps jealous of the GTI. At any rate, I'll be treating the Civic to a Terrific Lady Day this weekend. All new motor, clutch and belts with these 2 hands. Now if that ain't love...


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Last night I told my girlfriend I loved her. She bear hugged me and said "I've loved you for a while".

I am the happiest man right now.


----------



## ambler3

Bournemouth eh? Nice, I live about half an hour away, was thinking about going to that gig.


----------



## Skyblue

Church2224 said:


> I will admit, my ex leaving me for my buddy also still bugs the hell out of me.



Been there myself man. Feels lame as fluff. 

Hang in there, Let yourself have some Me Time (You, not me) and it'll be ok.


----------



## Konfyouzd

So... I joined POFs spinoff site eVow. Apparently it's for "more serious" ppl. So far I've gotten more messages than I've sent. 

All of them GORGEOUS. And real surprisingly. 

What I've noticed, though, is that they seem to speak broken English or--in the case of the first one that messaged me--only know how to say "lol" (no exaggeration at all).

The one that messaged me today is "from Kansas" so sayeth her profile and cell # but she says she's in Nigeria...

Shit just got weirder...


----------



## Church2224

Konfyouzd said:


> So... I joined POFs spinoff site eVow. Apparently it's for "more serious" ppl. So far I've gotten more messages than I've sent.
> 
> All of them GORGEOUS. And real surprisingly.
> 
> What I've noticed, though, is that they seem to speak broken English or--in the case of the first one that messaged me--only know how to say "lol" (no exaggeration at all).
> 
> The one that messaged me today is "from Kansas" so sayeth her profile and cell # but she says she's in Nigeria...
> 
> Shit just got weirder...



This is why I do not try online dating...

But gorgeous you say ?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Like... These chicks are FINE. I know something has to be up. This demographic actively blocks me for existing on other sites...


----------



## Nykur_Myrkvi

ambler3 said:


> Bournemouth eh? Nice, I live about half an hour away, was thinking about going to that gig.


Don't wanna bum you out but it was pretty f-in great. The atmosphere was mostly really friendly. There was one time during Feed The Rhino's set where some chick got mad at a guy for falling into her and FTR's vocalist literally walked into the crowd to separate them and say that if people weren't willing to have fun together they could just f*** off and stop playing the show altogether.


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> Like... These chicks are FINE. I know something has to be up. This demographic actively blocks me for existing on other sites...



Something sounds sketch about the whole thing.


----------



## Church2224

asher said:


> Something sounds sketch about the whole thing.



I agree, something is not right, good looking girls would not be on a site like that.

Speaking of which, how on earth do some of these guys get these drop dead gorgeous women ? I mean, it makes no sense to me!


----------



## glassmoon0fo

By not putting them on a pedestal just because they hit the genetic lottery, for starters 

Seriously though. I've mentioned social status before as a governing factor in girls' attraction, and I'll bet those guys dating above their league are too busy enjoying themselves to notice she's "too hot" for him. Basic strong confidence game stuff I'd guess.


----------



## AliceLG

So I'm in love again, non-reciprocated again. What is it with smart, cute, funny yet unavailable women and my brain?! I wish this would stop happening but I kinda enjoy it. Hate it, but enjoy it  This could've gone in the confessions thread, or the mad thread, or even the happy thread. I just needed to put it somewhere (no pun intended )


----------



## Konfyouzd

Man... They've gotten clever w these scams. Now I know why the other "chick"--if she even was one--only said "lol". I called her on trying to scam me off the bat so she just never did the whole 

" You should hit me up here instead even though you already have my cell number: <sketchy_ass_website>"

They actually feign convo for a while now but it's still a bit obvious that they're following a script.


----------



## Konfyouzd

glassmoon0fo said:


> By not putting them on a pedestal just because they hit the genetic lottery, for starters
> 
> Seriously though. I've mentioned social status before as a governing factor in girls' attraction, and I'll bet those guys dating above their league are too busy enjoying themselves to notice she's "too hot" for him. Basic strong confidence game stuff I'd guess.



I'm sure that's part of it but there is more to it I'm sure. Like something as simple as not everyone thinking that way and actually looking for qualities in someone that matter. 

That said, physical attraction *does* matter but I think some ppl just put too much emphasis on it. There are plenty of ppl I've only found "sort of attractive" until I really got to know them.

That sort of thing seems to get skewed in the realm of online dating where ppl seem to only care how the other person looks and just hope they like who that person is. People don't even read profiles I bet.

Online dating just feels more like a numbers game than one in which the object is to just find someone you like.

I've even noticed that if I just happened to randomly approach and speak to women in public they're sometimes a little weirded out at first, but often end up loosening up really quick and engage in conversation like anyone else. It seems more that standing back and just checking them out is more creepy understandably.

In the realm of online dating it seems as though all you have to do to be creeepy--since so many other ppl have done genuinely creepy things--is simply address someone that isn't interested.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Date Sunday... With a woman I didn't meet on the interwebz... Whaaaaaaaaaaat?


----------



## UnderTheSign

Church2224 said:


> I agree, something is not right, good looking girls would not be on a site like that.
> 
> Speaking of which, how on earth do some of these guys get these drop dead gorgeous women ? I mean, it makes no sense to me!


Dating sites are tied to looks now? 

Also, by looking at more than a face. I've been with soem very good looking women and the reason is very simple... We used our brains.


----------



## Konfyouzd

That doesn't work for me online. I've slept w some of them but there was really no "connection" beyond that and not necessarily for lack of effort but because that was never the other party's intent. 

Sucks but oh well. I'm finding lately that real life is where I need to meet women. That and surprisingly Craigslist Strictly Platonic has a lot of really cool ppl on there. 

The only ppl I've managed to remain friends with whether we hit it off or not are the ones I meet on Craigslist. It's weird but seems to work. 

There's also this new FINE lady (not THAT new now but new enough) in my office that also seems pretty cool. Fairly new to the area and apparently has little to nothing to do most weekends. We might need to hang out. 

I feel like I saw a bit of an opening to ask her out today but I'll wait... If she doesn't know I'm checking her out she's blind. One time I saw her walking down the hallway and word vomited "Daaaaaamn..." a little louder than I actually meant to... 

Didn't seem to upset her though...


----------



## chassless

Anyone remembers my story?  you can read it on this page if you're bored enough: http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/off-topic/122010-ss-love-relationships-thread-384.html

Either way, my girlfriend i haven't seen in over two months lands here in Germany in about 12 hours. We kept talking daily for hours all along my stay here, with that same 'spark' we had, and I have so many plans and surprises for her. It feels really surreal that the wait is over and that we're finally gonna be here with each other, in the flesh... I even have mixed feelings about it, as i'm worried we won't know how to talk to each other like we used to anymore, what do you guys think? Has that ever happened to you?


----------



## asher

Relax  you guys will fall right into rhythm.


----------



## chassless

^ it's what i tell myself! That my worries will just fade as soon as she's here. Which is in exactly three hours. I'm heading to the airport real soon!


----------



## Chokey Chicken

chassless said:


> Anyone remembers my story?  you can read it on this page if you're bored enough: http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/off-topic/122010-ss-love-relationships-thread-384.html
> 
> Either way, my girlfriend i haven't seen in over two months lands here in Germany in about 12 hours. We kept talking daily for hours all along my stay here, with that same 'spark' we had, and I have so many plans and surprises for her. It feels really surreal that the wait is over and that we're finally gonna be here with each other, in the flesh... I even have mixed feelings about it, as i'm worried we won't know how to talk to each other like we used to anymore, what do you guys think? Has that ever happened to you?



It'll be perfectly fine. Might start off a little awkward, but it sorts itself out really quick. My buddy, one of the biggest introverts ever, was able to have things going smoothly within the 1st 24 hours of meeting his fiancé the first time.


----------



## Genome

It's like women are the Oscars, and I'm Leonardo Di Caprio.


----------



## TreWatson

made it a year with my current GF. she's good for me.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

As embarrassing as it is for me to publically admit it, I am one of those who has just "checked out" and sunk into solitary pursuits (i.e. - all my music stuff). The "damned if you don't, damned if you do" situation that society has put men in is rather ridiculous so the solution is to "check out" and avoid. Of course, this goes without saying that some people are just naturally happy without relations. I'm one of those people. (Nothing to tie me down or inhibit my potential.)
Some of the points in this article could be better worded; nonetheless, it presents a very accurate portrayal of what is occurring in our society.

The Sexodus, Part 1: The Men Giving Up On Women And Checking Out Of Society


----------



## BlackMastodon

Genome said:


> It's like women are the Oscars, and I'm Leonardo Di Caprio.


Getting snubbed by McConaughey? Heyooooo! 8 month old joke is still relevant, right?


----------



## UnderTheSign

Emperor Guillotine said:


> As embarrassing as it is for me to publically admit it, I am one of those who has just "checked out" and sunk into solitary pursuits (i.e. - all my music stuff). The "damned if you don't, damned if you do" situation that society has put men in is rather ridiculous so the solution is to "check out" and avoid. Of course, this goes without saying that some people are just naturally happy without relations. I'm one of those people. (Nothing to tie me down or inhibit my potential.)
> Some of the points in this article could be better worded; nonetheless, it presents a very accurate portrayal of what is occurring in our society.
> 
> The Sexodus, Part 1: The Men Giving Up On Women And Checking Out Of Society


_ "Unlike modern feminists, who are driving a wedge between the sexes, Men's Rights Activists "actually seem to want sexual equality," he says."

_Yeah, solid article


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

UnderTheSign said:


> _ "Unlike modern feminists, who are driving a wedge between the sexes, Men's Rights Activists "actually seem to want sexual equality," he says."
> 
> _Yeah, solid article


I'm assuming the "men's rights activists" are up there with the "white privilege activists".  Like I said, shit was poorly worded here.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I don't have a problem w my rights. I just find ppl in my area to be incredibly fickle, unreliable and/or boring. Then again we've already addressed that it's poorly worded.

I've been guilty of fickleness many times myself. The difference is I can be up front w ppl and look them in the eye when I decide that I've changed my mind. 

That said, yesterdays date wasn't bad. Not really sure if I wanna go for another though. I feel completely neutral on this one.


----------



## Konfyouzd

**double post**


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Thinking about talking to a chick. She just got out of a relationship a few days ago with another chick (so she swings for both sides of the fence) and she works at a gentleman's club. (She's not a dancer though. Lol. Think she works the door.)

Not sure if I should give her some time (like a few days or a LOT of time) or just jump the gun and go for it and try talking to her. Maybe come in with the "I want to be a helpful, supportive friend" gimmick.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Wait 

Just out of a relationship =


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Konfyouzd said:


> Wait
> 
> Just out of a relationship =



She's the one who called it off.

Reason I mention that is that, in all consideration, one of my best buddies was with a girl for three years (and living with her in their own tiny apartment). He ditched her and like within a week was with another chick and they've actually been doing FANTASTIC compared to the previous shit. Of course, I think he's the one who called it off since his ex has gone down a pretty disgusting spiral.

Of course we are dealing with how men cope and end things versus how women cope and end things, and a case of who called it off versus who didn't call it off. Soooo...I'm going to give it some time.


----------



## piggins411

I'd still be weary. Some people just don't want to get right back into to things after they've broken up, even if they wanted it


----------



## Church2224

According to people my issue with women is I am too uptight...

The hell does that mean?


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Thinking about talking to a chick. She just got out of a relationship a few days ago with another chick (so she swings for both sides of the fence) and she works at a gentleman's club. (She's not a dancer though. Lol. Think she works the door.)
> 
> Not sure if I should give her some time (like a few days or a LOT of time) or just jump the gun and go for it and try talking to her. Maybe come in with the "I want to be a helpful, supportive friend" gimmick.



Gimmicks lead nowhere. Befriend her, and get close if you want. Let whatever happens happen. If she finds somebody else, cool. If you get into a relationship, that's cool too. The fact is, if you're spending time with her not because you actually like her, but because you want an intimate relationship to form, then you're going to have a bad time. Just be weary because what others have said is true. Regardless of who pulled the plug, being fresh out of a relationship is a sketchy time for some (most? A lot?) of people.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Thinking about talking to a chick. She just got out of a relationship a few days ago with another chick (so she swings for both sides of the fence) and she works at a gentleman's club. (She's not a dancer though. Lol. Think she works the door.)
> 
> Not sure if I should give her some time (like a few days or a LOT of time) or just jump the gun and go for it and try talking to her. Maybe come in with the "I want to be a helpful, supportive friend" gimmick.


I like how it took less than 24 hours for you to go from "checking out of it, guys!" to "think I'm gonna talk to this chick."  I agree with the others, don't rush into anything but yeah see where it goes.



Church2224 said:


> According to people my issue with women is I am too uptight...
> 
> The hell does that mean?


Maybe it means you're too reserved or something? I dunno, the only advice I can give based off of that is loosen up, I guess? 
Just gotta listen to Mr. Meeseeks, solid advice at 23 seconds in the clip.


I like to think it applies to all situations.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I'm a little upset I watched that...


----------



## icos211

Yeah, I gleaned absolutely no advice from that...


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

BlackMastodon said:


> I like how it took less than 24 hours for you to go from "checking out of it, guys!" to "think I'm gonna talk to this chick."  I agree with the others, don't rush into anything but yeah see where it goes.


Actually bro, I checked out about a year ago. Even before I was thinking about getting with that chick who had problems over the summer. (Luckily thanks to all you guys' advice, I never pursued things further with her.)

But I was hoping someone would catch that! 

With that said, I'm not going to pursue an interest in this new chick. I'm going to remain checked out. Less troubles, less problems, less burdens, more money.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Konfyouzd said:


> I'm a little upset I watched that...





icos211 said:


> Yeah, I gleaned absolutely no advice from that...


A) Y'all need to watch Rick & Morty.
B) "But most importantly: you just gotta relaaaax! *leans back*"


----------



## Konfyouzd

Oh I got the advice... It was just an incredibly silly video. 

Then again, I imagine that's half the point as well.


----------



## cwhitey2

I'm in love with a girl that lives 3 hours away


----------



## asher

cwhitey2 said:


> I'm in love with a girl that lives 3 hours away



That's really not all that bad, tbh. Day-trippable


----------



## Konfyouzd

Better than a lot of other situations...


----------



## neurosis

cwhitey2 said:


> I'm in love with a girl that lives 3 hours away



I met a girl that lived on the other side of the ocean. I took trips and she took trips for the next six years. We are married now... hahahah.

Funny enough I dated a girl that also lived three hours away and it was really cool. Until I thought taking the train was boring and then she moved further away and stopped seeing her.

You never know man. Distance is in your mind and heart I guess  You can make it happen or choose not to.


----------



## UnderTheSign

cwhitey2 said:


> I'm in love with a girl that lives 3 hours away


My girl lives 2-3 hours away depending on traffic and public transport situations and we see eachother on a weekly basis. 3 hours isn't that much when you get used to it and the person is worth it!


----------



## asher

Cruise on over Friday after class/work, head back Sunday night or Monday morning


----------



## cwhitey2

Thanks guys 

3 hours has its advantages and disadvantages. The worst part is she only has Mondays off and when she actually works she has 12 hour shifts  

I'm totally down with taking days off to see her 

Luckily her family owns property in the Pocono's so we have a half way meeting point which is nice, so we have a cabin in the woods to our selves


----------



## neurosis

cwhitey2 said:


> Thanks guys
> 
> 3 hours has its advantages and disadvantages. The worst part is she only has Mondays off and when she actually works she has 12 hour shifts
> 
> I'm totally down with taking days off to see her
> 
> Luckily her family owns property in the Pocono's so we have a half way meeting point which is nice, so we have a cabin in the woods to our selves



See... that´s a great plan right there. Also, distance puts natural boundaries on you guys. It forces you to talk more and stay in touch while away from each other and then when you meet you are forced to be together for longer periods of time. So I would say you get to meet the person fairly well... whereas in a regular relationship people have more ground to retreat and be selfish. I say, like with anything in life... don´t be scared, don´t think to much if it feels right and just have a good time. Happiness comes from within, dude.


----------



## cwhitey2

neurosis said:


> Happiness comes from within, dude.



Couldn't agree more with this statement! 

Overall I'm pretty happy in life right now, I don't have any real complaints other than I wish i made more money!


----------



## Veldar

Hey guys, I had a party ay my house and me and a female from school were ... having orange juice (wink) mixs while playing mario kart with each other, and we were getting pretty comfy with each other suddenly my mates girlfriend tells us to kiss so we did a couple of times and went back to games, later we french kissed (which is really weird and funny as a concept) and we ended up laying in bed talking for 2 hours.

So this was a lot for me since its never happened before and she was still cool with being in my bed sober.




_Posted from Sevenstring.org App for Android_


----------



## Dan_Vacant

on friday I hung out with an ex, we sat at tim hortons for a few hours and played cards against humanity, and talked about life and she said she needs to get laid multiple times. I Figured that is a heavy hint eventually she said we should be friends with benefits.... I'm sure if that does go through we'll end up dating again, witch might be okay she seems to have grown alot and I like to assume I have too.


----------



## Skyblue

I like the fact that as I finally gather the courage to ask a girl from work out, she says she's not really wanting to date right now... 

Oh well, back to searching I guess.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Hmm...

There's this new lady in my office that replaced this dude that I really didn't like. Well she seems like she's one of those chicks that's never been all that popular and has no idea that she's now fvckin' FINE... 

Or maybe I'm the only one that thinks so...

At any rate, I've been steadily making up excuses to talk to her just because... 

My lord. It looks like she needed assistance getting into her jeans this morning. I might be in love. That booty is ROTUNNED... And she's such a nice person.

I've been making a lot of assumptions, but I feel like I'll figure this out eventually. She was walking around with a limp this morning. Turns out she fell trying to take some trash to the dumpster (she's a tiny little person) which says to me that she probably has no man. I know that's a bit of a sexist assumption to make, but no woman that pretty hurts herself taking out trash when there's a man she can make do it. 

My last gf was VERY strong and I'm still pretty sure her trash never went out until I came over. It just always seemed full somehow. 

EDIT: TL;DR... If the booty is large and round, I am powerless against it...


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Today is the last full day I get to spend with my girlfriend before we go home for winter break. I'm leaving tomorrow and she's leaving Wednesday morning. She's going to Korea on christmas until 4-5 days before we go back to school. It's gonna really suck not seeing her for so long, but we've got skype/facebook/kik, and she's going to be having a great time with her sister.

On the plus side, having a month of me time will allow me to finish writing my E.P. with my bassist.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^Jealous...

I'm kinda starting to hate my band again... This counts as a relationship right? 

The guitar player is a goddamn diva. Now I know why they talk about us so bad. I'm taking the role as the bass player as I just don't really like dealing with the other guitar player in terms of learning his licks and leads. It's not that I can't or that I don't want to learn his stuff. It's that he's such a cocky ass about it that I'd rather just let him handle it all. Being the bass player is the perfect excuse...

What drives me craziest about him is that he always sets his knobs on every amp the same exact way regardless of the amp in question or the guitar being used. He says, "I just set treble and bass all the way down and mid all the way up bc that's what Allan Holdsworth does." That--to me--is stupid for a number of reasons. The most important reason thus far, though, is that when it come time to mix songs, his tone is noticeably shittier than EVERYONE else's. 

That's another reason I let him take lead. So that when the guitar aspect of the recording sucks, there's no one to look at but him. If you won't listen to me, listen to the tape... 

So we finally got him to dial in a tone last week. Like ACTUALLY dial one in so that we could use it within the context of our songs rather than have to remix EVERYTHING around a crap guitar tone.

He didn't eve dial it in himself. He let another dude in the band turn all the damn knobs for him. 

Add to that the fact that I had to force him to record w/ a metronome bc "metronomes mess him up..." Rhythm... How does it work?

I'm pretty sure I'm dropping my band.

Not only THAT, but I found out last time, that the guy that's filling kind of a producer/DJ role for us at the moment has children. I'm not sure how many, but I know there's more than one of them. That alone isn't bad. What troubles me is that he leaves them to come to my house for music. 

I believe to quote them it went something like this... 

Guitarist: "You needa go home and watch your half Asian kids..." (why half Asian was important info I'll never know)

DJ: "Why'd you have to go there, man?"

Me: "You have kids? Really?" (He never talks about them...)

DJ: "Yea I have kids. I hate them. They're awful. That's why I come here so much. It's better than being home watching them..."

I don't know if I can continue to enable this now that I know what I know... The situation feels all around bad now. 

I meet some jacked up ppl no matter how I deal with them it seems...


----------



## asher

Uggggh. Sounds like a lot not worth spending much time with, yeah. 




This happens to be the first holiday season I've been single for in... 4 years. Welp.


----------



## Konfyouzd

This is number 10 in a row for me... 

Where's my goddamn plaque?


----------



## asher

I'm still a whippersnapper  but I seemed to manage to bounce from serious relationship, to long serious relationship, to longish serious sorta-relationship...


----------



## cwhitey2

asher said:


> Uggggh. Sounds like a lot not worth spending much time with, yeah.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> This happens to be the first holiday season I've been single for in... 4 years. Welp.




Well look at it this way....you have one less person to go shopping for!






Side note...I have been thinking about sending flowers to the girl who lives 3 hours away for Christmas. What kind of flowers should I send her...just roses or?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Have you ever discussed what her favorite flower and/or color is?

Usually I just get some arrangement that incorporates whatever their favorite color is or whatever color I think looks good on them regardless of what kind of flower it is.

Some women like extremely specific shit, though.


----------



## icos211

Konfyouzd said:


> My lord. It looks like she needed assistance getting into her jeans this morning. I might be in love. That booty is ROTUNNED... And she's such a nice person.
> 
> 
> EDIT: TL;DR... If the booty is large and round, I am powerless against it...



Why ya gotta go confirming stereotypes, man?


----------



## asher




----------



## cwhitey2

Konfyouzd said:


> Have you ever discussed what her favorite flower and/or color is?
> 
> Usually I just get some arrangement that incorporates whatever their favorite color is or whatever color I think looks good on them regardless of what kind of flower it is.
> 
> Some women like extremely specific shit, though.





Here's the problem. I have known her for 10 years but we got disconnected along the way. I forgot a lot of the little details like that. I feel stupid asking again.


I'm pretty sure her fav color is green


----------



## Konfyouzd

icos211 said:


> Why ya gotta go confirming stereotypes, man?


 
Every now and again I fit one... It just so happens that this time I'm 100% okay with it...


----------



## Konfyouzd

cwhitey2 said:


> Here's the problem. I have known her for 10 years but we got disconnected along the way. I forgot a lot of the little details like that. I feel stupid asking again.
> 
> 
> I'm pretty sure her fav color is green


 
So then send her a boquet of stems... 

But surriously... 

I'd say go with the arrangement you find to be most visually striking... 

I mean they're flowers right? The worst she can do is act like my ex and pretend she doesn't care that she got flowers... Still mind blowing that someone can complain all day about their day and still be that upset about it once the flowers arrive that they can't even so much as acknowledge their arrival...


----------



## cwhitey2

Konfyouzd said:


> So then send her a boquet of stems...
> 
> But surriously...
> 
> I'd say go with the arrangement you find to be most visually striking...
> 
> I mean they're flowers right? The worst she can do is act like my ex and pretend she doesn't care that she got flowers... Still mind blowing that someone can complain all day about their day and still be that upset about it once the flowers arrive that they can't even so much as acknowledge their arrival...



sooo i asked her....guees what her fav ....ing color was...olive freaking green (shes Italian so that make sense  )


But yeah I'm going to look online since i cant exactly go to a store near her 

green, aqua, grey, purple and maroon are her favs


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

My girlfriend and I exchanged our Christmas gifts this past weekend too. I got her a bracelet from an artisan's guild in our town, it's green/brown/yellow marbles interspersed with tooth-shaped parts. She likes it a lot.

She got me this shirt, because I showed it to her and she thought it was funny...







I do like Iwrestledabearonce a lot, and I think this is currently my favorite shirt


----------



## asher




----------



## Konfyouzd

Oooohh... I get it...


----------



## Mprinsje

I broke up with my gf yesterday, she took it wayyyyyyy worse than i had hoped/expected her to




Apparantly she had bought a guitar pedal costing &#8364;300 for me for christmas, so it would've been cool if she hadn't told me that.


----------



## Konfyouzd

She bought you WHAT?!

Why did you leave her? 

I've NEVER had a single girlfriend that ever bought me anything I actually wanted. Not even close... They've all just expected me to lift them up when they feel like shit and leave them alone when they're feeling good.

I want just ONE gf that buys me ANYTHING... Seriously... A cup of coffee even...


----------



## Mprinsje

Konfyouzd said:


> She bought you WHAT?!
> 
> Why did you leave her?
> 
> I've NEVER had a single girlfriend that ever bought me anything I actually wanted. Not even close... They've all just expected me to lift them up when they feel like shit and leave them alone when they're feeling good.
> 
> I want just ONE gf that buys me ANYTHING... Seriously... A cup of coffee even...



I don't even know why she bought it, i have never mentioned wanting a &#8364;300 pedal, and certainly not any specifics so i dunno how that would've gone down.

But basically, i left her because she was reaaaaaally emotional, which i really couldn't deal with anymore. She probably didn't do it on purpose but i felt really constricted, felt like i was being kept "emotionally hostage" if that makes any sense to you. Always jealeous when i went out doing something with friends too. I have told her about it before but since i'm not really good at expressing myself i guess it never really got through how serious i was. I could only tell her when it was already too late. 

She bought a lot of stuff for me, which made me feel kinda uncomfortable really since i couldn't buy nearly as much back for her. She also complains that she's lonely when i'm not with her, especially when i'm doing something with my friends. Problem is, she doesn't even try to make any contact with our fellow classmates, i've tried taking her to meet my friends but she never wanted it. I just gave up on it tbh. She's really sweet but i couldn't deal with it anymore.

PS: Forgot to mention that i found out that she had bought a &#8364;300 pedal through her twitter. After i broke up with her.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Konfyouzd said:


> I've NEVER had a single girlfriend that ever bought me anything I actually wanted. Not even close... They've all just expected me to lift them up when they feel like shit and leave them alone when they're feeling good.




It's no surprise your relationships haven't worked out then, that's pretty ....ed up. Everyone you've been with has to have been after your hot bod or something, because if any real feelings are involved at all you tend to go out of your way to do stuff for someone, and that applies to the womenfolk towards men.

I'm kind of a bad example, but we buy each other shit all the time. It's always sweet when she reads my mind and surprises me with stuff I didn't even realize I wanted. Honestly, if that's not part of a relationship, I say hit the road.





> She bought a lot of stuff for me, which made me feel kinda uncomfortable really since i couldn't buy nearly as much back for her. She also complains that she's lonely when i'm not with her, especially when i'm doing something with my friends. Problem is, she doesn't even try to make any contact with our fellow classmates, i've tried taking her to meet my friends but she never wanted it. I just gave up on it tbh. She's really sweet but i couldn't deal with it anymore.


Clingy folks are indeed emotionally taxing too, and I'm not surprised you jumped ship. Especially when it comes down to trust issues, and being jealous every second you're not spending with them. It sucks for her because it's not really her fault, but you're not wrong in feeling that was wrong for you either. She'll inevitably be fine, and you'll move on to bigger and better things too.


----------



## Konfyouzd

It's one thing to be jealous for no reason but it seems as though some ppl do a lot to make you question what they're actually out there doing. It doesn't sound like you do, but I couldn't know.

I've met quite a few som . That say one thing and lead me to believe very strongly that they're doing something else. Then they play the "God, you're so clingy," card but lo n behold she's got a "new boyfriend" 2 days later...



If all is as you said, I'd have left too though.


----------



## Mprinsje

Konfyouzd said:


> It's one thing to be jealous for no reason but it seems as though some ppl do a lot to make you question what they're actually out there doing. It doesn't sound like you do, but I couldn't know.
> 
> I've met quite a few som . That say one thing and lead me to believe very strongly that they're doing something else. Then they play the "God, you're so clingy," card but lo n behold she's got a "new boyfriend" 2 days later...
> 
> 
> 
> If all is as you said, I'd have left too though.



I would just hang out with friends, go to band practice or a gig or something. I have always been totally honest about it and that wasnt the problem. The jealousy came from her not really having friends herself, and therefore feeling envious towards anyone who had friends and did stuff with them. Since I was one of the only ppl she was friends with ik got the full blow of her jealousy


----------



## vilk

OK guys, I gotta type. 

About what you might ask? Oh, I'm sure you can guess.

So some of you maybe remember when I joined this board I was living in Japan and dating a Japanese girl for about 3 years. Then I pretty much up and left her there to come to America and get on with my life. I didn't want to continue living in Japan at that point, and I wasn't ready to marry the girl, so basically I was stuck with that I had to dump her. I didn't really mind though, because as with any 3 year relationship things were starting to get... boring and routine? I was a little bit excited to try playing the field, you could say.

Anyhow, I get back to USA, get back on my feet and now it's half a year later. And I still talk to her. Actually, I miss her. She was a really good girlfriend. I've managed to sleep with a couple other girls but I've not met anyone I'm really interested in--even a little. Not even a little interested in any girl I meet? How and why?

One day last month I'm feeling very lonely and empty and a part of me really does believe that I probably wont ever meet a girl who is as good and decent as my ex. So I tell her to come to USA. How can she be able to stay? Well... we could get married, I tell her. Hell, modern America has destroyed any sanctity that the ol' sacrament used to have so who gives a .... we get married we get divorced it's just like dating but with more names signed onto papers. 

But now I'm chickening out. I honestly see no way that this will ever work out for us in the long run. Why can't it work out? Because I'm a shit! Her face isn't pretty. She doesn't satisfy me sexually (because of a physical inability to give oral sex). Literally the two most superficial stupid reasons that totally go against my own 'decided' (decided by myself to be a better person as according to myself) value system. How can I stop shit like that from mattering to me? Or _should_ I even be trying to stop things from mattering to me? 

But then again, sticking with her because she's a sure thing kinda feels like I'm 'giving up' on myself. What if there is some magical girl out there that makes me feel satisfied? That doesn't make me feel like I'm bending myself to be a better person for her... 

But isn't that what any marriage usually is? I mean, we have special cases where you see people who are super duper into each other forever and ever, but I have to believe that in most circumstances it really just comes down to having to admit to yourself, "Welp, I've probably got no room to go up anymore. I'm too tired to put out the effort it would certainly take to snag a new one. And she's a caring partner who's good at cooking. .... I can settle". 
Or am I wrong? Don't come in here and tell me there was absolutely _no_ element of that when you decided to marry your wife... ...??


I'm sure many would claim that it's a bad idea to marry a person unless "you really want to". Do you really think that's true? I feel like I can hardly wrap my head around it. I feel like if I marry this girl, it's going to be out of a frantic decision making chain that is partially obligated by our federal governments but really only facilitated by us even though we don't have to be together. We don't have to be together. But maybe we should be together. But I definitely should make up my mind and stop ....ing up this girl's life. But I can't control how I feel, and I'm going insane having to make these kind of heavy decisions about things I'm totally unsure of. But isn't everyone unsure? How unsure is unsure enough to risk it? How unsure is unsure enough to give up and walk away? Making decisions based off of feelings that I don't understand seems rash. And is rash. 

But if I don't I might just miss out on a person who genuinely cares for me. Probably even more than I've genuinely cared for anyone. And even though I care for her back, certain negative traits in myself are absolutely bound to .... things up. And she deserves better.


I know you guys are sick of my shit, especially because I'm kind of the bad guy in this all. I guess the only advice I'm really looking for here out of this jumbly heep of self-inflicted self-pity is whether the emotion behind wanting to get married/be with someone is really so pure and certain/undeniable/tangible/able to be understood and known as many would suggest it is.
Also if anyone has any tips for "understanding my own feelings"? I can tell that I'm emotional about this matter, but the emotion has no direction. It just goes everywhere at top speed and I don't know if I feel good bad excited worried horny disappointed ... I often try writing a journal to help me look at my own feelings, but it usually just turns into me bitching and whining without realizing any solution.. Kind of like this post...


----------



## flint757

You should have never invited her to the states if you knew yourself at all it sounds like. Please do not marry that girl. You don't actually sound like someone who even likes the idea and your interest in her is 100% self centered. I would say you're kind of a douche, but you seem to be well aware of that fact. Walk away and stop clinging to your loneliness to make all your decisions for you. Even the way you ended things in Japan was incredibly douchey if I'm being honest. You strung her along for months if I recall. Then you tell her you want her to come to the states and you'd marry her? That's next level tool behavior man. You're right, she does deserve better. Tough love my friend. You need to do some serious soul searching because your actions are highly misguided. Desperation is a horrible way to start new/old relationships. That's made even worse by you tearing apart someones life to make that happen. This has little to do with the 'purity' of marriage because I personally don't think you should be yanking this girls strings in any capacity whatsoever. You're not that interested based on your posts in this thread. I have known people who have gotten married under less than perfect circumstances, but it usually falls under one of three things:


Hot, but personalities don't click
Like their personalities and who they are or how they make you feel, but you don't like the way they look
knocked up

I'd say the only 'perfect' scenario is when you're attracted both physically and mentally to your partner by a large margin.

Relationships get old. That's what they do. Life in general turns to routine eventually. If all you like in a relationship is the excitement, newness and the initial getting to know them part of dating then marriage at this point in your life (or really just a long term relationship of any type) is off the table for you.

[EDIT]

This kind of came off way ruder than I meant it to be, but I'm not feeling all that well so sorry about that. I'm not going to change it though, as I do feel you need to realize what you're doing to this girl is just wrong.


----------



## vilk

Just to set the record straight, I didn't lead her along. I told her I was leaving and we discussed it and said we weren't going to break up until I left. Actually, we said we should break up, but we just never ended up doing it until I left. And then once I was back here we didn't talk for the first three months, but then we started talking again more in about November, about how it had been half a year and neither of us were happy and we were both lonely and we both missed each other, and she told me she wanted to come to America, and I said that she should, and implicitly this would mean that we'd have to eventually get married (after 90 days). It's not like I proposed to her... 

Actually, in many ways, the marriage aspect isn't even my concern as much as the responsibility/commitment/pressure that comes with having someone uproot their life and leave their friends and family to be with you... that's like, so beyond the amount of feelings I could have for someone that it's difficult for me to understand; but she explained it that she wanted to be in America regardless and I shouldn't feel that way. So I believed her. But now I'm not sure that I really do believe her.

It really boils down to that I just have such a hard time hurting someone that I would sooner take a burden? But taking a burden in this situation is hurting someone. It's a ....in catch 22 man I can't dodge it.


----------



## flint757

vilk said:


> It really boils down to that I just have such a hard time hurting someone that I would sooner take a burden? But taking a burden in this situation is hurting someone. It's a ....in catch 22 man I can't dodge it.



Indeed. You just need to pick the option with the least collateral damage. If she chooses to stay then so be it, but you need to make absolutely certain she is aware you aren't interested in any sort of long term commitment whatsoever because if she is staying around in hopes of making y'alls situation work I kind of doubt it will. Then it would be your fault for her whole world crumbling around her.

The fact that she would be immigrating is really the only reason I'm taking a very hard line approach to my opinion on this. If it was just 2 people in a small city wanting to see where things go and maybe/maybe not marriage down the road that'd be one thing. For someone to move that far away from everything they know they'd either need a very strong bond with the person they are moving for or a very strong personal reason for doing so.


----------



## youngthrasher9

This seems like the right place to confess/complain.


I've been giving or receiving friendzones for the past 3 years like it's going out of style. 

It's pissing me off a little. I even make the move pretty quick but that just hasn't been enough.

Then there's this girl whom I've known since kindergarten that has been actively pursuing me and dropping hints, that I just don't like that way. It would feel like trying to fvck my sister. (Wrong on so many levels)

It sucks knowing how it feels to be in the friendzone, and still having to put someone else through the same.


----------



## icos211

youngthrasher9 said:


> This seems like the right place to confess/complain.
> 
> 
> I've been giving or receiving friendzones for the past 3 years like it's going out of style.
> 
> It's pissing me off a little. I even make the move pretty quick but that just hasn't been enough.
> 
> Then there's this girl whom I've known since kindergarten that has been actively pursuing me and dropping hints, that I just don't like that way. It would feel like trying to fvck my sister. (Wrong on so many levels)
> 
> It sucks knowing how it feels to be in the friendzone, and still having to put someone else through the same.



If y'all are good friends, and have been for that long, then you obviously click on a personal level, which is the most important part. I'd say that if she's what you would generally find physically attractive, then just get over your inhibitions. Take her out a few times, and put yourself in more romantic situations with her, you might start to see her differently. If/when it escalates and y'all start making out then just grab some ass and focus your mind on how that ass feels in your hands. Don't think about who she is or how long you've know her or how she acted in 3rd grade, just think "Hm, this here is some nice ass I'm grabbing". The mental walls will come down. 

She's not your sister, it really isn't wrong on any levels. You go get you some.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

So from what I've heard, the key to getting a girlfriend seems to be: not thinking about getting a girlfriend. How is that possible?!


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I've got another two weeks to go before I can see my girlfriend. She's been on vacation in South Korea all of our winter break so far.

I'm going insane. Halp pls


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Seybsnilksz said:


> So from what I've heard, the key to getting a girlfriend seems to be: not thinking about getting a girlfriend. How is that possible?!



Go about your day to day like normal. When you actively pursue, you're likely to do things out of character for the soul purpose of winning someone's attention/affection.

If you don't think about it, you act naturally. When you act naturally, you attract people who are into stuff you actually do. This obviously backfires if you're a hermit and everything you do is stuff at home. If that's the case, just find stuff in public you like doing. Even if that just means going to the mall or some shit.

Edit:


> Then there's this girl whom I've known since kindergarten that has been actively pursuing me and dropping hints, that I just don't like that way. It would feel like trying to fvck my sister. (Wrong on so many levels)



Congrats, this is what the "friend zone" is. When someone just likes you as a friend and has no interest in going further. All you can do is look for someone who does want more than that. Don't force what isn't meant to be and all that.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

It's this "don't think about it"-thing that I don't get. If I say "Don't think about an elephant", you thought about an elephant right? Then if a girl talks to me, it's like she's saying "Don't think about being interested in girls". So guess what I'm thinking about.

And yeah, I'm a hermit haha.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

That's pretty natural, but I don't think it's meant literally. "Don't think about it" more or less means not to make it a priority. Don't go out with the intent to find girls, but if you bump into someone while you're out at a concert, the mall, wherever, then don't be shy. Finding a partner for the long term usually tends to be relatively spontaneous. My roommate met his fiance just by commenting on a piece of art she did that was relatively unique. (It was Dr steel related, and very few people knew/know who he is. It was unique common ground that initiated conversation.) He wasn't looking, but he found. It's way more natural that way.

Basically, you can go ahead and think about it, but don't force interaction. If it happens it happens, if not then being single really isn't the worst thing ever. It has lots of ups.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

"Thinking about it", aka making finding women a priority, is a catch 22. If you plan to catch the attention of the type of woman you want, you need to be aware of your own attractive/unattractive qualities and play them up accordingly. BUT, sniffing around any girl that is nice to you just reeks of desperation, and that is extremely unattractive. Best course of action is to be what I call "the positive side of selfish". Take care of your needs and wants, structure your life so that you succeed in the areas you want to succeed in. Make it so that you enjoy the shit out of your own company and have little time to accommodate anything that slows you down on the way to your goals. When you are constantly and consciously driven to reach the next step of your journey, the right woman will find a way to come along on it.

A quote that comes to mind is, "we often ask ourselves 'what is my path?' and 'who will come with me?' in the wrong order."


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

I need a beautiful woman. (Ughhh.....I'm having one of those "12:30AM-and-the-single-life-is-getting-to-me-after-all-these-years" thoughts.)


----------



## Varcolac

glassmoon0fo said:


> "Thinking about it", aka making finding women a priority, is a catch 22. If you plan to catch the attention of the type of woman you want, you need to be aware of your own attractive/unattractive qualities and play them up accordingly. BUT, sniffing around any girl that is nice to you just reeks of desperation, and that is extremely unattractive. Best course of action is to be what I call "the positive side of selfish". Take care of your needs and wants, structure your life so that you succeed in the areas you want to succeed in. Make it so that you enjoy the shit out of your own company and have little time to accommodate anything that slows you down on the way to your goals. When you are constantly and consciously driven to reach the next step of your journey, the right woman will find a way to come along on it.
> 
> A quote that comes to mind is, "we often ask ourselves 'what is my path?' and 'who will come with me?' in the wrong order."



I've always found the "making finding women a priority" thing a bit pointless. Bear with me here.

What do you want?

If the answer is "a woman," you've no standards. You just want a woman, any woman. You're more interested in the idea of having a woman interested in you, or in a relationship with you, or in bed with you, than in actually getting to know any particular woman. So you'll settle for crazy. Or you'll put off any reasonable lady by your desperation to have some woman, any woman, in your life. 

If the answer is "to be happy," then there's plenty of ways you can go about that. Achieving happiness in some areas, whatever they are, can make you a more attractive person. Then, while focusing on enjoying yourself, if you're talking to women, you're less interested in "omg must get in her pants" and more "Are we enjoying ourselves? Is this conversation stimulating me? Is this reciprocated?". If the answer is "yes" to those three, then lucky you. And lucky her, because remember, at least two of those questions are about her enjoyment of you. Then you're focused on your happiness, and whether the time with this particular woman makes you happy, rather than the slightly less sophisticated "must find woman" strategy.

That's how I gets teh ladies. 



Emperor Guillotine said:


> I need a beautiful woman. (Ughhh.....I'm having one of those "12:30AM-and-the-single-life-is-getting-to-me-after-all-these-years" thoughts.)



"A beautiful woman." Any beautiful woman? Try to be more specific. Try meeting women. Internet dating works. If you're not a sleazeball and can type a half-decent sentence into your computer you can go on plenty of first dates. Then it's a case of, as outlined above, not "I need a woman, any woman" but "OK, here's a woman, do we like each other? Is there that _frisson_? Is there that _je ne sais quoi_? Or is she boring and chews her food in a weird way?"


----------



## asher

That last bit of hypothetical dialogue is a thing of beauty


----------



## Varcolac

asher said:


> That last bit of hypothetical dialogue is a thing of beauty



The other way I gets teh ladies is my skills with teh words.


----------



## RevelGTR

My girlfriend bought me a T-Shirt with the cover of Pink Floyd's Animals on the front. I mentioned that this was my favorite album of all time in passing a few months ago, but haven't said anything about it other than that. I'd actually been eyeing the shirt she got me. I thought it was a very thoughtful thing to do


----------



## DredFul




----------



## youngthrasher9

I have a friend who has an unreal knack for getting chicks on Instagram.

It's kinda ridiculous. It seriously goes from insta>snapchat>texting> real life encounter. 

It probably helps that he's an amateur natural body builder and ripped AF.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Varcolac said:


> The other way I gets teh ladies is my skills with teh words.


----------



## Konfyouzd

glassmoon0fo said:


> "Thinking about it", aka making finding women a priority, is a catch 22. If you plan to catch the attention of the type of woman you want, you need to be aware of your own attractive/unattractive qualities and play them up accordingly. BUT, sniffing around any girl that is nice to you just reeks of desperation, and that is extremely unattractive. Best course of action is to be what I call "the positive side of selfish". Take care of your needs and wants, structure your life so that you succeed in the areas you want to succeed in. Make it so that you enjoy the shit out of your own company and have little time to accommodate anything that slows you down on the way to your goals. When you are constantly and consciously driven to reach the next step of your journey, the right woman will find a way to come along on it.
> 
> A quote that comes to mind is, "we often ask ourselves 'what is my path?' and 'who will come with me?' in the wrong order."



Son... This shit right here...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Varcolac said:


> I've always found the "making finding women a priority" thing a bit pointless. Bear with me here.
> 
> What do you want?
> 
> If the answer is "a woman," you've no standards. You just want a woman, any woman. You're more interested in the idea of having a woman interested in you, or in a relationship with you, or in bed with you, than in actually getting to know any particular woman. So you'll settle for crazy. Or you'll put off any reasonable lady by your desperation to have some woman, any woman, in your life.
> 
> If the answer is "to be happy," then there's plenty of ways you can go about that. Achieving happiness in some areas, whatever they are, can make you a more attractive person. Then, while focusing on enjoying yourself, if you're talking to women, you're less interested in "omg must get in her pants" and more "Are we enjoying ourselves? Is this conversation stimulating me? Is this reciprocated?". If the answer is "yes" to those three, then lucky you. And lucky her, because remember, at least two of those questions are about her enjoyment of you. Then you're focused on your happiness, and whether the time with this particular woman makes you happy, rather than the slightly less sophisticated "must find woman" strategy.
> 
> That's how I gets teh ladies.
> 
> 
> 
> "A beautiful woman." Any beautiful woman? Try to be more specific. Try meeting women. Internet dating works. If you're not a sleazeball and can type a half-decent sentence into your computer you can go on plenty of first dates. Then it's a case of, as outlined above, not "I need a woman, any woman" but "OK, here's a woman, do we like each other? Is there that _frisson_? Is there that _je ne sais quoi_? Or is she boring and chews her food in a weird way?"



This two... I can see how this can easily be synthesized with the above quote... Although the word "priority" does seem to skew the message *I* personally derived from the first quote...

Also... Internet dating works for some. I've read many a profile and some of which I genuinely enjoyed what they had to say and typed out well thought out messages to see if maybe there was anything we could talk about. Not necessarily long paragraphs of shit, but just little 2 or 3 sentence greetings that let them know i've taken note of some common interests we share... 

What more often than not gets the responses is messaging the girls that say "Stop sending me dick pics!" and asking them something like, "Do you really receive enough dick pics on that regular a basis to necessitate putting it in your profile?" 

Questions like that get responses every time, but the ppl that respond are never really ppl I want to deal with. 

I've found that leading with anything reasonable is "boring". Greeting someone by saying "Hello," I suppose is now played out. Or it could be that they read my profile and assume that much of it is a lie or maybe I'm simply just not all that attractive to most women. Who knows... But I feel like online dating is a game I just don't know how to play. 

It's confusing because there are ppl behind these profiles and computer screens, but interacting with them in that arena isn't anything like meeting ppl in real life. That makes no sense to me.

I've actually be going back and forth testing this theory. I just walk up and talk to ANYONE I want--whether I find them attractive or not. And a lot of ppl will kind of give you a bit of a "Whoa... Who the hell is this stranger?" kind of vibe at first, but with almost literally EVERYONE, I'm able to spark up some kind of convo eventually and we're enjoying ourselves in no time. I do it on the bus on the way home from work sometimes. I do it slugging into work when I have to catch a ride with someone else. I do it at the bus stop waiting for the bus... Wherever... 

I get the same result every time. The person starts off looking creeped out and ends up actually seeming happy to have found someone to chat with for a little bit while we just stand or sit around waiting to get to point B. There seems to be this weird auto-exclusion thing going on on the internet. I mean even some ppl's profiles say they're just "looking for friends". Well... Do even your friends have to be drop dead gorgeous? Or wow you with the absolute FIRST thing they say to you?

I've found that really no one is all that much more interesting than anyone else unless they live a VASTLY different life than you do and even then it's only interesting bc it's new to YOU. It feels like seeing that someone fits your perception of beauty gives the false expectation that these ppl will somehow be more interesting or better ppl--some milestone in human achievement to which you must aspire to gain their favor. Most of the time, they just got really lucky in the looks dept. Even the very few attractive women that have made half assed attempts at feigning convo online.

Again... I think internet dating works. But only for some.

A lot of ppl just get ignored for reasons that have yet to be discerned. My interactions with ppl in real life would suggest there can't be anything too wrong with me, but the internet makes ppl act fvckin' weird...

I think the best advice one could give was given many many many pages back in this thread. And also on this page here.

Stop putting the people and things that fit your perception of beauty on some pedestal and simply go after then when you see them. And keep your happiness your #1 focus. Everything else *should* fall in line. If your happiness is dependent upon whether or not you have a significant other, you're doing it wrong.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

It is my personal opinion that internet dating is for those who: 1.) are desperate or 2.) don't know how to interact face-to-face and walk up to the opposite sex.

I think it's great that people are utilizing the new(er) aspects of technology and the connections that it can offer us; however, studies have shown that some of our forms of nonverbal communication (like texting) is causing a degradation in the quality and quantity of our interpersonal (face-to-face) interaction. And with the number of relationships that are based solely online that are failing and the number that are generated online into a real-life relationships that are failing, I think that degradation can be confirmed.

Advice: man up, get rid of your extremely unrealistic expectations (my flaw here), find a woman, talk to a woman.


----------



## asher

^ Eh.

I can imagine it being pretty useful to help find people... to then go and meet in real life. But it gives you more options for actually being able to meet people.


----------



## Varcolac

Emperor Guillotine said:


> It is my personal opinion that internet dating is for those who: 1.) are desperate or 2.) don't know how to interact face-to-face and walk up to the opposite sex.



My option's *3:* those who're busy working all the time, live in an enormous city and therefore use the internet to narrow down people based on common interests, rather than going to any one of the approximately ten thousand bars or nightclubs in London and walking up to a random woman. 



Emperor Guillotine said:


> I think it's great that people are utilizing the new(er) aspects of technology and the connections that it can offer us; however, studies have shown that some of our forms of nonverbal communication (like texting) is causing a degradation in the quality and quantity of our interpersonal (face-to-face) interaction. A*nd with the number of relationships that are based solely online that are failing and the number that are generated online into a real-life relationships that are failing, I think that degradation can be confirmed.*



Hence, meet online, exchange a couple of messages, if it seems like you're not talking to an idiot, meet face to face, take it from there. I wouldn't do an "online-only" relationship, and certainly would rather get talking face-to-face at the earliest opportunity.

The internet is a means to an end. The end: talking to people that you're interested in and who might be interested in you. Far better means to achieve this end than the "go to a bar, hit on a pretty woman, discover that she doesn't even know what historiography is, go home feeling guilty for hitting on someone of inferior intelligence" technique.

Instead: message someone who shares your interests, engage in brief conversation about those interests, suggest meeting up, go to a bar that you like, drink, enjoy each others' company, go on more dates. And if it turns out they're boring or stupid, you're still in a bar, so you can go hit on another random woman as a backup plan. This is a flawless strategy. 

I'd like to see statistics on the items I've bolded. Those are strong assertions to make, and require strong evidence.



Emperor Guillotine said:


> Advice: man up, get rid of your extremely unrealistic expectations (my flaw here), find a woman, talk to a woman.



That's pretty much my advice, but with added internet because I can't be bothered dealing with people who haven't read books. It's a useful filter in a big city - my current girlfriend and I live less than a mile from each other, and have very similar interests, but would've never met if not for the interwebs because London is so big.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Varcolac... 

If you're busy working all the time and have no time for play in which you engage in some activity where there might be women around and you can engage them face-to-face... Then at what point would you have sufficient time to entertain a relationship?

It seems to me that a lack of free time equates to a lack of free time no matter how you slice it. This isn't to argue that you somehow fall within the options that the Emperor set forth, but instead, that using the internet because you "don't have time" seems like a bad reason from where I'm standing. 

You're more than welcome to enlighten me, though as the words you've spoken thus far are rather level headed. I imagine I might have misinterpreted something.

Also, common interests are marvelous, but at the same time, it seems silly to discredit someone as having inferior intelligence simply because they can't stand toe to toe with you in an arena you consider to be one of your areas of "expertise". That's simply not fair. That same person can probably make you feel equally stupid in another arena; half the interaction comes from how you engage them as well. Are you willing to engage them on their "home turf"? If you set it such that the ball can only be in your court--like writing someone off bc they don't understand some obscure hobby of yours--then that's the reason it's so hard to find someone, NOT the fact that your city has a lot of ppl in it.

If anything a large city with plenty of ppl only increases your chances of finding someone agreeable. More ppl = more ppl that you're bound to like eventually unless you're simply an insufferable .....


----------



## død

Emperor Guillotine said:


> It is my personal opinion that internet dating is for those who: 1.) are desperate or 2.) don't know how to interact face-to-face and walk up to the opposite sex.
> 
> I think it's great that people are utilizing the new(er) aspects of technology and the connections that it can offer us; however, studies have shown that some of our forms of nonverbal communication (like texting) is causing a degradation in the quality and quantity of our interpersonal (face-to-face) interaction. And with the number of relationships that are based solely online that are failing and the number that are generated online into a real-life relationships that are failing, I think that degradation can be confirmed.
> 
> Advice: man up, get rid of your extremely unrealistic expectations (my flaw here), find a woman, talk to a woman.


Eh. I met my girlfriend over Twitter. Been together for four years, things are better than ever. When things click, they click. Doesn't matter where you met the person.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Emperor Guillotine said:


> It is my personal opinion that internet dating is for those who: 1.) are desperate or 2.) don't know how to interact face-to-face and walk up to the opposite sex.


Point 2 seems a bit odd. I mean, if you don't know how to interact face-to-face, how would online dating ever transfer into a real life relationship? I mean, that's what online dating is basically for - meeting people outside your current social circles, then meeting them IRL. It's not like the majority of online daters _stays_ online.

Konfyouzd, what I think Varcolac means is getting in touch with people when you're short on free time is just easier online. I know it was for me. I could just log on to OkCupid during work breaks, my morning coffee, before bed etc and met women that way. When it came to going on a date, I'd make time for that obviously but I simply wasn't able to go out and meet people all week long.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Konfyouzd said:


> It seems to me that a lack of free time equates to a lack of free time no matter how you slice it. This isn't to argue that you somehow fall within the options that *the Emperor* set forth, but instead, that using the internet because you "don't have time" seems like a bad reason from where I'm standing.





Konfyouzd said:


> ...This isn't to argue that you somehow fall within the options that *the Emperor* set forth...





Konfyouzd said:


> *the Emperor*


----------



## Varcolac

Konfyouzd said:


> Varcolac...
> 
> If you're busy working all the time and have no time for play in which you engage in some activity where there might be women around and you can engage them face-to-face... Then at what point would you have sufficient time to entertain a relationship?



Oh I've time for a relationship, just no patience for the endless hunting to start one. In my experience it's not something I'd like to devote time or money to - the idea of going out "on the pull," as we say in England, isn't appealing. I find the idea of people going out to bars in order to pick someone up or be picked up a bit odd. I'd rather enjoy time talking without booze or nightclub music awfulness in the way. 

Time-wise, I'm a teacher. Up early in the morning, often home late at night, no time mid-week to go gallivanting off picking up women. At the weekend I do "engage in activities," but as I do that for my enjoyment and not to meet women, and as I tend to do them with friend groups that I already know, that's not turned up any romantic leads.



Konfyouzd said:


> It seems to me that a lack of free time equates to a lack of free time no matter how you slice it. This isn't to argue that you somehow fall within the options that the Emperor set forth, but instead, that using the internet because you "don't have time" seems like a bad reason from where I'm standing.
> 
> You're more than welcome to enlighten me, though as the words you've spoken thus far are rather level headed. I imagine I might have misinterpreted something.



Lack of free time _for_ certain things rather than a lack of free time in general, I suppose. Going out into bars and sidling up to ladies with a cheesy pickup line on my lips isn't something I have time for when I could be doing things that actually make me happy. As outlined above, I find it creepy on a bunch of levels.

Also there's the wasted effort. Hit on girl. Girl not interested. Hit on girl. Girl actually waiting for her boyfriend. Hit on girl... at least with internet dating women are actually looking for the same thing.



Konfyouzd said:


> Also, common interests are marvelous, but at the same time, it seems silly to discredit someone as having inferior intelligence simply because they can't stand toe to toe with you in an arena you consider to be one of your areas of "expertise". That's simply not fair. That same person can probably make you feel equally stupid in another arena; half the interaction comes from how you engage them as well. Are you willing to engage them on their "home turf"? If you set it such that the ball can only be in your court--like writing someone off bc they don't understand some obscure hobby of yours--then that's the reason it's so hard to find someone, NOT the fact that your city has a lot of ppl in it.



The "historiography" thing was me being facetious (though it seems my "type" is brunette History graduates, so go figure). I used it as a proxy for being my kind of person. Rather than someone who can make me feel stupid in other arenas (which I welcome, and enjoy), I meant it as a throwaway comment for someone who makes me feel that_ they're_ stupid in _all _arenas. I've had the experience, it wasn't pleasant and made me feel a bit soiled. 

I value a meeting of minds. As long as people can keep a strong intellectual conversation going about anything, be it history, science, politics, media, culture, or even work, then I'm game. It's when the conversation is prosaic and meaningless that I get bored. Perhaps _that's_ what I haven't the patience for.



Konfyouzd said:


> If anything a large city with plenty of ppl only increases your chances of finding someone agreeable. More ppl = more ppl that you're bound to like eventually unless you're simply an insufferable .....



Well, I make no claims not to be insufferable. Or whatever the word that the filter deleted was. I'm probably that too at times.

=======

I think what my main thing is, which your questions have made me articulate better, is this: 

I can't be bothered with the rituals of "picking up" women. I find the process a bit absurd, and therefore prefer to get straight to talking and spending time with a woman, rather than hitting on them in bars or whereever. Most of my relationships have either come through being friends and then falling into romance, or through this whole interwebs thing. Either way, it means that I've only rarely done the "picking up" thing, and I've not really enjoyed it.

Thanks for the questions. There's nothing like a bit of in-depth introspection and wondering whether or not I'm some desperate weirdo with the social skills of a sea anemone to get me thinking.

On a less introspective note, my flatmate has allegedly used the world's best pickup line. He's a big tall guy, and while wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses, he went up to a girl in a nightclub and said...





















Apparently it worked.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Well that I can agree with. 

That makes it sound like a more reasonable version of that whiney ass article we all saw about men withdrawing from society. I agree with almost all your points. But to add to that, I've noticed that those sites simply don't work for me.

No idea why or how. Well I cant say they don't work. I feel my honesty on those sites actually makes me prey for women who don't want to apply themselves in life and that just makes me sad. For that reason I suppose it's easier for me to find women in real life. 

Looking through those things also kind of feels like looking through a catalog of internal conflict for me. 

The ppl I see that I think "Now she seems like an awesome person," I usually also think, "But damn... Them teeth..." or something similar. So I've come to realize I want to be both shallow and find someone I actually like at the same time... Sounds like having your cake and eating it too. Maybe I can, but at the same time, all the women I *do* find attractive seem to be highly annoying and high maintenance people in writing and that to me is disheartening.

Perhaps I just prefer the lie of meeting someone's "representative" in real life... In other words, people always put their best face on in public for whatever reason and are more comfortable just ignoring people online.

And I find that the odds that you'll completely write off someone you'll actually like before you even give them a chance is more likely to happen on the internet. Hell, there have been people I've met in real life where I'd only really met them in passing and I wrote them off as this, that and the third because of my own hang ups in my mind... 

Then after further interaction it turns out this person is actually awesome and I need assistance removing my foot from my mouth. Two sides of the same coin I suppose...


----------



## Varcolac

Yeah, it's definitely two sides of the same coin.

I wasn't by any means saying that it worked for everyone, but by no means is it only the last recourse of the desperate or socially inept. Works for some, doesn't work for others. As an awkward analogy, you could compare it to a college education: worked out really freakin' well for me, and it's certainly an option to look at, but it doesn't mean that every last motherf_u_cker on the planet needs to get a Bachelor of Whatever degree.

But, on the dating front, if one's floundering for human contact, and the alternative hasn't worked, one may as well give it a try. One might surprise oneself.


Yeah, freakin' gender-neutral indefinite pronouns - I'm referring to non-specific people because it's a general truism. Doesn't sound awkward at all. Okay, maybe a a little, bit still: SKILLS WITH WORDS HOMIES.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

The whole anonymity of the internet makes it a lot easier for people to just be up front with how they're feeling. Konfyouzd, you mentioned that people initially get weirded out when you approach them as a stranger and then ease into it once it's evident it's not some rapey weird guy coming up to them. It's that sort of attitude that would immediately turn into a "go away, I don't want to talk to you" online.

E-dating has its place. I think it's a good way to use something that's not looks as the "hook" or "bait." When you're in a bar, you know very little about a woman/man/anywhere in between other than if they're good looking or not. With e-dating, you're likely (hopefully) approaching someone for their interests first. You're also able to be more open about who you are. You don't have to fear being pummeled into the dirt if you mention a weird kink you have, or if you mention you're trans, gay, bi, etc. 

It makes certain aspects of the courting process quite a bit easier, though it does introduce some new barriers. I think it's wrong for anyone to assume it's for the desperate or socially ....ed. It's just another tool that some can use to great effect in finding someone they're into. Obviously, as Konfyouzd has mentioned, it's not his personal cup of tea. There's no problem with that. Meeting people online is a perfectly viable alternative for others, and not just the desperate and/or socially awkward.

That whole "failure rate" thing is total horse shit too when it comes to e-dating. How many divorces and shit were there before the internet existed? Relationships are constantly failing. It's just how things are. Meeting someone irl that you met initially online is no different than going out and talking to strangers you've never met before at bars/clubs/concerts/book stores/etc.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Well said sir...

And I hate to take such a strange detour after such a well worded post... But I found this and must know who this person is... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0d1P77VkKA&feature=youtu.be


----------



## flint757

I hate you for making me click that link.


----------



## Konfyouzd

That's the same thing I said to the person that made me click it initially.


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> That's the same thing I said to the person that made me click it initially.



I muted my work computer and clicked it just to see what the title was.

Judging by the opening frame, I'm very glad I had no intention of keeping it up longer, but I've affirmed I have no interest in looking later


----------



## Konfyouzd

And that's EXACTLY what I did when I watched it...

... the first time... 

"You've GOT TO LOWER YOUR STANDARDS!




... girls..."


----------



## Konfyouzd

Mm... This lady in my office... 

Sent her a message on the office IM to continue a convo we'd started in a meeting that just got WAY off topic this morning. She didn't respond all day so I just assumed she was ignorning me. No big deal... Happens all the time, right? 

Nope...

She was just saving the answer for later. Ended up coming by my desk to answer that and I managed to get her to stick around a little longer... 

Damn she's fine... Did I mention that?

And she's a damn nerd... 

I gotta find a way to keep this going... Might have to catch lunch with this one some time. What's funny is that another lady in the office has already sort of suggested that I do that. Coincidence? Maybe... But that shit needs to happen... 

More to come... Hopefully...


----------



## asher

Hey, just ask her to lunch 

There's someone here who's cute and we seem to get along fine, but I'd have to go way out of my way to interact with. meh.


----------



## Konfyouzd

You should go a little bit out your way and see if she swerves to meet you.


----------



## piggins411

Tbh, I love you for making me click that link. I feel... enlightened 


THE BEAST IS FVCKING BACK


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> You should go a little bit out your way and see if she swerves to meet you.



My office doesn't work so well for that, unfortunately...


----------



## Konfyouzd

Where do you work again?


----------



## asher

Architecture firm. Not a huge building. But we're mostly split into three floors that more or less branch off a center stair, but in such a way that you don't really pass the other desks - ie I'd have to walk in the middle of the first floor unless we pass in a kitchen


----------



## Konfyouzd

So it would be a very deliberate interaction... 

I mean... If one day you're feelin' froggy I say get at her...


----------



## asher

We'll see. I'm not usually the froggy type


----------



## Alberto7

So, lesbian roommate... It's been dragging my self-esteem across the floor and it has made me a very anxious person over the last few months, but I finally told her about my feelings last week. She said no, as I was expecting (on the grounds that she is gay [duh] but mostly that she is in love with her current partner and doesn't see herself with anybody else [be it guy or girl], despite her extremely tumultuous relationship with that person. Also, best piece of life advice that I was given during this whole thing: expect the best, but prepare for the worst. Wise words, those ones). She took it very well though, and so did I, as I was emotionally ready for that answer. I've been having a pretty rough time getting over her after I told her though, but she's been very supportive and very approachable about things. I've cleared most things up with her over several heart-to-heart talks and conversations, and I finally feel like I begin to get some much needed closure; right now, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to finally deal with my emotions, and whether or not to take some deliberate time off from her. She's not comfortable with me going down that road, because she says she "loves to hang out with [me]" and that she doesn't want our friendship to be ruined. However, she says that if I do decide to create distance between us, she'll know why I'm doing it (my "intentions," as she put it), and that she'll at least keep that in mind.

On the other hand, I seem to have found a suitable rebound candidate. I met this really cute and sweet girl some time ago, and now she's my lab partner in one of my classes. We're getting along very well and we have similar interests. She seems to enjoy our conversations, and she seems to focus a lot more on me than on her other friends whenever we see each other. She's also really touchy, which I like (as in physically). Also, her ass is absolutely out of this world.


----------



## asher




----------



## Konfyouzd

This pleases Konfyouzd


----------



## asher

Just for clarity, that was for Alberto finding some tasty tasty ass.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Congrats,Alberto.

I believe it's been awhile since I've posted something here.Anyways,there is this one chick I had my eye on for awhile,but I decided to quit on the opposite gender for awhile to focus on getting a job,car,etc.The past two times we have interacted has been weird though.One time,she stared at me all the way down the hall until we passed each other;the last time,I walked into the student lounge and she stared at me,and I left because I felt anxious.

We have talked a few times before these incidences,so I don't think she has a weird first impression of me.


----------



## flint757

If you can muster up the courage next time she's just staring walk up and spark a conversation. Most likely that's exactly why she's doing it too. A lot of women refuse to make the first move so they just drop absurdly subtle hints.


----------



## Varcolac

Re. the video...

I find some things hard to take seriously.


People who refer to themselves in the third person.
Sleeveless T-shirts when your arms are made of flab.
Medallions when you're not Mr T.
Pasty white folk talking "street."
Errors of logic.
Inability to realise your own hypocrisy.
"Nice guy" syndrome.

Seriously, in the same sentence he's saying "lower your standards" and "you end up dating crappy guys." If their standards were lower then they'd end up with... crappier guys?

Some people...


----------



## Konfyouzd

"I'll say hi to big girls... I just don't like dating them... But you've got to lower your standards...






... girls..."


----------



## piggins411

Let us not forget that hat or the rainbow arm warmers. I have a good feeling he's either wearing no pants or some sort of tights


----------



## Konfyouzd

Bikini underwearz...


----------



## Varcolac

Konfyouzd said:


> "I'll say hi to big girls... I just don't like dating them... But you've got to lower your standards...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ... girls..."



How gracious of him to bless these women with a "hi."

Of course, when _he_ says it he's being _nice._

When a woman says it she's a whore and a bitch who needs to lower her standards so she can revel in his niceness.

"I say hi to big guys, I just don't like dating them."

Ugh. Sometimes when I see the world outside of my bubble of liberal middle class non-douchebags I start to think that we've got a very long way to go.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Alberto7 said:


> So, lesbian roommate... It's been dragging my self-esteem across the floor and it has made me a very anxious person over the last few months, but I finally told her about my feelings last week. She said no, as I was expecting (on the grounds that she is gay [duh] but mostly that she is in love with her current partner and doesn't see herself with anybody else [be it guy or girl], despite her extremely tumultuous relationship with that person. Also, best piece of life advice that I was given during this whole thing: expect the best, but prepare for the worst. Wise words, those ones). She took it very well though, and so did I, as I was emotionally ready for that answer. I've been having a pretty rough time getting over her after I told her though, but she's been very supportive and very approachable about things. I've cleared most things up with her over several heart-to-heart talks and conversations, and I finally feel like I begin to get some much needed closure; right now, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now I'm just trying to figure out how to finally deal with my emotions, and whether or not to take some deliberate time off from her. She's not comfortable with me going down that road, because she says she "loves to hang out with [me]" and that she doesn't want our friendship to be ruined. However, she says that if I do decide to create distance between us, she'll know why I'm doing it (my "intentions," as she put it), and that she'll at least keep that in mind.
> 
> On the other hand, I seem to have found a suitable rebound candidate. I met this really cute and sweet girl some time ago, and now she's my lab partner in one of my classes. We're getting along very well and we have similar interests. She seems to enjoy our conversations, and she seems to focus a lot more on me than on her other friends whenever we see each other. She's also really touchy, which I like (as in physically). Also, her ass is absolutely out of this world.


Glad to hear you finally did it and can start moving on. And a hell of a lot more glad to hear that last bit of the post. Sounds like you got a good thing going on there and it's got a lot of potential.  I think you've earned it after this whole ordeal.


----------



## soliloquy

humm....so i dated this girl for a couple of weeks. on paper, shes super cool. even in person shes pretty cool. but just very little chemistry. we both ended the dating part as it just wasn't working(me with lack of chemistry, her with not feeling anything), but decided to be friends. 

the more time i spend with her as friends, the more i feel that chemistry growing. regardless, just friends.

after her, i was getting sick of dating, so i decided to just tell people i'm not interested and started focusing on my own personal stuff. i actually enjoy my solitude, thus i dont get lonely. 

i started noticing her acting even stranger (her quietness is what caused us to stop dating as i love talking, and shes just a very quiet person. thus lack of chemistry) and being very distant. i decided to give her space. she had her birthday, i got her something small, but not really wanting anything from her in return. just a scarf, nothing fancy. she seemed happy, but again, became very quiet. i let it slide as i really dont want anything from her in return.

after a couple of weeks of no communication, i asked how shes doing, and she seemed very distanced. i asked her if shes okay and she said shes feeling very lonely and also worrying about losing her youthfulness. i get it, shes older than me by 2 years, and a lot of my other female friends that are single are panicking about their biological clock ticking. 

as a concerned friend, i dont really know what to do to cheer her up. a) i dont ever feel lonely, and rejoice in my alone time, but i'm fine with company too b)whatever i do try, i'm worried she might take it the wrong way. c) is it even my problem, and should i even worry about it? or let her fight her own battles. 

shes had bunch of lousy relationships in the past, and i can sense her defensive walls are super high and has trust issues. maybe thats why shes so quiet. i'm not sure what it is. but a) i still think shes pretty cool. b) i'm not looking to get anything from her, or anyone as i just dont care for dating/relationships at the moment c) however, if i was involved with anyone, it would most likely be her as i genuinely care for her and think shes pretty awesome. 

confused :S


----------



## Alberto7

BlackMastodon said:


> Glad to hear you finally did it and can start moving on. And a hell of a lot more glad to hear that last bit of the post. Sounds like you got a good thing going on there and it's got a lot of potential.  I think you've earned it after this whole ordeal.



Thanks dude, I appreciate the words. I took those words you posted a while back to heart haha it definitely helped. And thanks everyone else who chimed in; it all helped me a lot. My roommate is now away for the weekend, so I have time to sit and think about things a bit more quietly until she gets back. Hopefully things will go up from here.

Also, that "beast" kid from the video...  I don't even know.  I also loved this sentence:



Varcolac said:


> Ugh. Sometimes when I see the world outside of my bubble of liberal middle class non-douchebags I start to think that we've got a very long way to go.


----------



## asher

Playing a house show AND we are wearing suits. Surely this must work in my favor, right?


----------



## SeanSan

Hi all. It's been awhile since I've posted here. 

It's been 7 months since me and my ex split. I did my best to be better myself as a person since I was a total wreck at the time. 

So today I decided to take a look at my ex's profile in a certain social media website. I smiled because I got to see her face again but my heartbeat went mad and I just feel really sad again. Now I'm getting urges to contact her (only as friends though) but I don't know if I want to. How long do people get over exes?  I thought I was ready/over it but damnit that obviously wasn't the case. Someone please tell me it gets better because I did my best for the past 7 months and I think I've outdone myself but just seeing a tiny 20x20 picture of her makes me knees week and I'm tired of this.


----------



## BlackMastodon

It does get better, and don't look at their facebook profiles after you break up with them, it only makes you feel worse as you obviously just learned. There's no set amount of time for how long it takes to get over someone. It's a process and it depends on how long you were together/how much you cared about them. Some people it's weeks, some years. The trick is to not beat yourself up about it and to allow yourself to be happy and to let yourself move on. Find new people that you may be interested in and you'll realize that it's not the end of your love life as you know it and by then you'll be able to look back at the fears of not getting over them and just laugh.


----------



## Varcolac

BlackMastodon said:


> It does get better, and don't look at their facebook profiles after you break up with them, it only makes you feel worse as you obviously just learned. There's no set amount of time for how long it takes to get over someone. It's a process and it depends on how long you were together/how much you cared about them. Some people it's weeks, some years. The trick is to not beat yourself up about it and to allow yourself to be happy and to let yourself move on. Find new people that you may be interested in and you'll realize that it's not the end of your love life as you know it and by then you'll be able to look back at the fears of not getting over them and just laugh.



Pretty much this.

Took me years to get over one relationship, but I was young and stupid back then.

Most recently, about a month after breaking up we were back to being really good friends. Still are now. She's one of my favourite people in the world, and I'm one of hers. Just not in a relationship with each other any more.


----------



## BucketheadRules

You know when you can't work out if someone's a terrible replier who hasn't so much as acknowledged your existence for four days despite your occasional (not overbearing) efforts to re-establish contact... or possibly just a terrible person who's strung you along and flirted with you for a couple of months and has now decided, seemingly at random, not to bother talking to you any more despite everything previously being fine? That. 

Maybe I'm just overthinking, but I'm getting pretty suspicious.


----------



## vilk

^have you only been talking, not actually meeting each other, for these past couple months? If that's the case then I think it's pretty normal. I don't know why that happens but I've had plenty of girls with whom I wasn't physically spending time with just randomly decide to stop texting me. But if it's someone who you've actually been hanging out with then you're right that is a little mysterious. Some people are just bad at keeping up with texts. I know I am.


----------



## BucketheadRules

vilk said:


> ^have you only been talking, not actually meeting each other, for these past couple months? If that's the case then I think it's pretty normal. I don't know why that happens but I've had plenty of girls with whom I wasn't physically spending time with just randomly decide to stop texting me. But if it's someone who you've actually been hanging out with then you're right that is a little mysterious. Some people are just bad at keeping up with texts. I know I am.



We've seen each other - we worked together until a month or so ago and we've met since then, and been talking a lot. I thought it was all going really well but the last week or so contact has been increasingly sporadic, and I haven't heard from her at all since Friday. It sucks, because I was starting to fall for her pretty hard. I don't know if she's thinking of this the same way I am, I haven't said anything about the way I feel so ostensibly we're still just friends (who flirted quite a bit), but she might have an inkling already. She might still reply, who knows. It seems less likely with every passing day though. 

She's always been a frustratingly inconsistent replier but it's definitely got a lot worse the last week or so, and I don't understand what's going on. I was pretty torn up about it yesterday but today I'm feeling more resigned. If what I'm thinking is happening really is happening, then I guess I've just got to move on. If she gets back to me, she gets back to me, but I don't think I'm gonna make a lot more effort with her if this is how I'll get treated.


----------



## flint757

Chatted up a girl in class today, we shall see if this goes anywhere. Not giving a shit where things go in an encounter is quite freeing I must say. Not only does it make the whole process easier, but if things devolve into nothing I wouldn't honestly care.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

BucketheadRules said:


> We've seen each other - we worked together until a month or so ago and we've met since then, and been talking a lot. I thought it was all going really well but the last week or so contact has been increasingly sporadic, and I haven't heard from her at all since Friday. It sucks, because I was starting to fall for her pretty hard. I don't know if she's thinking of this the same way I am, I haven't said anything about the way I feel so ostensibly we're still just friends (who flirted quite a bit), but she might have an inkling already. She might still reply, who knows. It seems less likely with every passing day though.
> 
> She's always been a frustratingly inconsistent replier but it's definitely got a lot worse the last week or so, and I don't understand what's going on. I was pretty torn up about it yesterday but today I'm feeling more resigned. If what I'm thinking is happening really is happening, then I guess I've just got to move on. If she gets back to me, she gets back to me, but I don't think I'm gonna make a lot more effort with her if this is how I'll get treated.


 
Flint nailed the advice I was going to give you. You sound somewhat invested in someone who doesn't sound invested in you. We've all been there, and honestly, a lot of girls will string along a nice guy intentionally or unintentionally just because it's easier to keep that door of possibility open. essentially, you feel like you're on the backburner, and not to be crass, but you probably are. It happens ALL THE TIME when you become invested too early, and it pretty much exactly how guys end up in that place you call the friendzone (I don't believe in that whole deal, but that's another posts worth)

I can't tell you what to do, but if it were me, I'd let that trail go cold from your end and go find some other women to chat up. Don't be sad about the loss, be excited about the next possibility (don't give a ...., like Flint say). So many men have a paradigm where they think women are scarce, but I guarantee you women don't think men are scarce, and that's where I'd bet this hangup is coming from. Never make someone a priority when you are just an option. Instead, go find some other options of your own. Good luck homie.


----------



## Church2224

glassmoon0fo said:


> Don't be sad about the loss, be excited about the next possibility (don't give a ...., like Flint say). So many men have a paradigm where they think women are scarce, but I guarantee you women don't think men are scarce, and that's where I'd bet this hangup is coming from. Never make someone a priority when you are just an option. Instead, go find some other options of your own. Good luck homie.



I disagree with this statement, strongly in fact. I find women to be plentiful in this world. But, not to sound like a snob, ones that are worth a portion of my time are not. I swear to Odin, if I run into one more girl at a college party who talks about blowing Daddy's money just to drink and party, or another girl who wants to hook up just to cheat on her fiance because she is unsure about her decision, or girls who have no interests or passions or ambition in life at all, or a girl who just wants a rich man, or a combination of all of the above, I am going to jump off a bridge

Things did not go well with the older women I was dating. Her father got really sick, and she did not want to see me anymore so she could take care of him. Sucks, she was really great. 

I will say this, the twenties is a rough age for a lot of us. I am tired of running into women who just want to party and could care less about the future or, really, anything outside of having a good time. Same thing could be said about a lot of guys my age, though. Some of my friends think it is great since they get as much tail as they want. For me it gets old really quick.

I am just hoping that one day I find a decent person out there. I am at a loss for words these days because a lot of women I keep meeting are just so damn shallow.


----------



## flint757

There are plenty of women out there who are well balanced too. If you have a hard time meeting them then you need to meet women in different places. 

What I think he means is that some guys in the back of their mind think women are scarce, as in they get hung up on one or two even if things aren't really going anywhere because they may feel their next encounter is going to be a long way away. This leads to people getting too invested too soon which is the easiest way to get yourself hurt emotionally. There is no point in getting ridiculously invested in someone if they aren't reciprocating and the guys who perceive women as better than themselves or far and few between tend to do that. 

Obviously women who make great matches for each individual are going to be fewer in numbers than the overall number of women, but that isn't to say they are so low you can't find them. There is no point getting hung up on someone if they aren't equally hung up on you.


----------



## Church2224

I think that is a position we have all been in though, Flint, and I agree. It is not worth investing time in women who just toy some one around or have no interest in you at all. 

I am just pissed right now  Trying to go out there and find some one you want something special is tiresome.


----------



## asher

You need to stop going to (those) college parties.


----------



## flint757

Saw this on my facebook this morning and thought it was rather applicable.


----------



## asher




----------



## TechDeathWannabe

And to avoid being sexist, mothers are more than welcome as well, general question for parents of female children/offspring.

(If this belongs in the Love/Relationships thread, please forgive me, wasn't sure where would be the best place.)

To keep a long and complicated story short, I am currently in a relationship that has lasted ~4.5 years thus far, and we are looking towards marriage once I (the guy,) have had a steady job, been living (successfully) on my own, and we can plan/afford a wedding, and depending on where I'm living, a more suitable house, eventually purchasing instead of renting. (I know I said short, please forgive me, this is the short and simple version.)

My question though, if your daughter was in a dating/courting type relationship, it had remained strong and sincere for a reasonable amount of time, and (the tough factor) the young couple had already discussed marriage with you (and the other three parents involved,) and you all approved, and after reexamination, given your consent and blessing for the eventual marriage, (this may become entirely silly at this point, I am sorry, but please bear with me,) how would you want permission for holding hands to be acquired, whether they asked you together, he asked his parents, and she hers (you), he asked all parents involved, etc?
Again, this may seem like a silly question, or not even worth asking, but SS.org seemed a safe place to ask, as most topics/questions/etc are treated neutrally, and in a helping and guiding fashion, rather than just calling the other person stupid, et cetera. (Not the case all of the time, but I've seen more nice, friendly, blunt and sincere people on here than "elitist assholes" and the like.)

So. Would you want your future son-in-law to request a one-on-one and kneel at your feet asking for permission to hold your daughter's hand, and to then stay the hell away from her without someone you trust keeping an eye on him? (This is somewhat of a joke between her dad and I, if it seems out of place here, ignore it.) Would you even care if he asked you first? (This seems the silly question to me.)
Anyone willing to help or provide opinions, your comments will be greatly appreciated. Even if only because they convince me that our way is better.


----------



## Discoqueen

Hey ya'll. my girlfriend just fell out of love with me, and this shit sucks so badly. This isn't my first heartbreak (I'm 24- so I've had time for a couple of those). This is what I get for starting a relationship with a lesbian, but damn, I know how to lie to myself about situations. I'm posting tonight because I just hope I can get a few nudges of support to help push me through this. 

This "bachelor party" sux.


----------



## naw38

Giving your adult daughter permission to live her life the way she wants with the human being she wants? Sexist, moronic, outdated, misogynistic. .... that, really hard.

If someone asked permission to marry my daughter, I'd tell them to ask her themselves.

I do not mean to come across as aggressive or harsh. I'm on a very distinct anti religion/pro feminism bent at the moment. Aaaaaand, if I've not answered your actual question then, well, sorry for all the wine, haha!


----------



## TechDeathWannabe

16 and 17, (I am 17, she is 16.) Not quite adult, really..
And we asked because we wanted to, not because we had to. They probably would've all been happy if we never mentioned marriage, and waited until we were out on our own. 
(I asked her before I asked any of our parents, I do agree with you on that, at least mostly.)

And nah, not aggressive or harsh, just differing views, which is what I was hoping to see. Variety in opinions is a much better choice than living within a predetermined box at the whim of society or dictators.

(Edit:
The question was just about asking to hold hands, rather than just doing it, and hoping it's fine.
Thanks anyways!  )


----------



## vilk

^ROFL


----------



## Thep

Focus on college, kid.


----------



## TechDeathWannabe

Thep said:


> Focus on college, kid.



Focusing on college (and naturally, debt,) and the potential for a useless degree has led me to look towards trade school. Or just a lot of work, whichever happens. Thanks though.


----------



## bostjan

Maybe I misunderstood your question.

So you want to know how to ask permission from your girlfriend's father to hold your girlfriend's hand (your girlfriend of more than four years?)?

If that is the case, then I don't really know what else to say than that this is too extreme.

Or are you asking for permission to marry? That is pretty common, in which case social norms would dictate that asking permission in a way such as you described would be acceptable and in the proper form of ettiquette.


----------



## TechDeathWannabe

Just asking permission to hold her hand. It seems silly, even to us, but it also seems better than just doing it, or a "fvck authority/consequences" attitude. (My mum's a bit strict, which is part of this..)

Ironically, permission for marriage is already acquired. We're waiting until she's at least 18, (she is younger, as mentioned above,) and until we/I can afford it, and I have been living on my own for a while, without relying on parents or friends for financial assistance, housing, etc.


----------



## asher

I think I'm more amazed you have been in a relationship for four and a half years with no apparent physical contact...


----------



## tedtan

TechDeathWannabe said:


> The question was just about asking to hold hands, rather than just doing it, and hoping it's fine.



Just do it.




Thep said:


> Focus on college, kid.


 
This x 1,000,000,000,000.

Seriously, focus on getting yourself set up/prepared for the rest of your life and getting a career off to a solid start before you focus on marriage. Marriage (and children) make everything else harder (more commitments, more expenses, etc.), so focus on building the best foundation for yourself that you can. There is plenty of time for marriage and family down the line.


----------



## MFB

How the shit have you dated someone for 4 years and not even held their God damn hand? Im a fairly simple guy of 24-going-on-25 and even I do that almost immediately.


----------



## TechDeathWannabe

asher said:


> I think I'm more amazed you have been in a relationship for four and a half years with no apparent physical contact...



It's not so much that there hasn't been, just that it hasn't been public/etc.. We've held hands a few times (that I remember specifically,) it's just getting old having to wait until "it's safe/clear".


----------



## TechDeathWannabe

MFB said:


> How the shit have you dated someone for 4 years and not even held their God damn hand? Im a fairly simple guy of 24-going-on-25 and even I do that almost immediately.



(Cuddling helps.. ?)
But seriously.
If it were just about physical contact, what separates a wife/girlfriend from a whore or hooker? Teaser at a bar? Etc? (This is in jest, please don't take that too seriously.  )
A little(lot of) self restraint helps it not become an obsession, or all I think about. (I still think about her a lot, and It. But I still have time to worry about other things, like my younger siblings, (oldest of 8,) finding a job, keeping grades up, et cetera.)
And I'm not saying this works for everyone, just that it's been what works for us. *shrug*


----------



## MoshJosh

Don't get me wrong I plan to be EXTREMELY protective of my daughter when she is of dating age, but if dude begs me to hold her hand, I'm going to think he is a total weirdo just saying.

Also marriage should be the last thing on your mind at this age. You will have plenty of time for that later, and right now school and working towards a career are far more important.


----------



## ferret

Disclosure: My daughter is 10.

Response: I had a hard time following the scenario you were laying out, and I have no idea what you ultimately asked for advice on. Reading the thread, apparently this is about... hand holding? I have a hard time wrapping my head around that. I hope my kid doesn't screw anyone before long after high school and if they do, they're safe about it. I don't expect to be asked permission when they do decide to screw. I expect they'll be holding hands at school for at least two years before I'm even really aware of it, because that's what teens do?

So uh. Yeah. Can't wrap my head around this idea of late stage teens having to ask permission to hold hands.


----------



## TechDeathWannabe

MoshJosh said:


> Don't get me wrong I plan to be EXTREMELY protective of my daughter when she is of dating age, but if dude begs me to hold her hand, I'm going to think he is a total weirdo just saying.



We both come from large-ish families (I'm the oldest of 8, she is one of 13,), and somewhat religious ones, I do expect to be laughed at a bit for asking, as you said, "Total weirdo", but I'd rather not piss off parents if possible, and "taking without permission" runs that risk.

And as to marriage vs career vs growing up, etc, I'm working on that. Part of why I took this (what I though to be a simple and mundane question) here, so I could focus on other things and still have a fairly broad range of considerations and tips. 
Asking on SS.org has saved "real world" time for school, and job applications. Instead of spending this entire time discussing it, I've made breakfast for above-mentioned siblings, finished school work, (homeschooled.) asked for references, and looked through other jobs just in case. Regardless of that, thank you for your genuine advice/input.


----------



## asher

I think we all wish you the best of luck, but this is a window into a world which most of us are not familiar with


----------



## kevdes93

i read all of that assuming you meant "hand in marriage"


----------



## TechDeathWannabe

Well, familiar or not, thanks for the comments/discussion.  I was expecting maybe one or two responses, and sarcastic responses at that. But, I've seen genuine (or at least, I'm assuming genuine) advice, tips, and even some fathers putting in their "two cents".

Thanks, guys!


----------



## ferret

My post originally ended with "Just elope" till I noticed the post about your ages.


----------



## TechDeathWannabe

ferret said:


> My post originally ended with "Just elope" till I noticed the post about your ages.



Her dad actually suggested that, should the shit hit the fan. XP


----------



## asher




----------



## ferret

Rereading, this stuck with me:



> My question though, if your daughter was in a dating/courting type relationship, it had remained strong and sincere for a reasonable amount of time



It seems to me the father clearly understands you two are an item. It's been discussed before, a relationship is known. Then he has essentially given his tacit blessing already, or he'd have told you to stay away. From your other posts, I also simply don't believe he's as strict as you are imagining, if he's joking about eloping if the shit hits the fan. I'm assuming the shit would be a baby on the way.

The way I would view things is, at most:

Asking permission to date. (Generally because I am her guardian)
Asking for hand in marriage. (Generally because it's polite, as marriage is post-guardianship)

Anything between those two, and after, isn't the father's business in my view.

You don't need to ask to hold hands if I've given you my blessing to date. I know you're an item. I'd probably prefer kissing be minimal and such, especially nothing excessive in public, but don't expect permission.

I don't even WANT to know about sex. If you're going to do it, do it safely and privately, don't become the talk of the town, don't tell people. If you ask me, we're pretty much done, because you simply shouldn't be asking me that, ever.

And so on.


----------



## thesnowdog




----------



## TechDeathWannabe

Actually sorta close to his response. "You're gonna do whatever the hell you wanna do, so is she. Your parents did whatever the hell they wanted to do, her mother and I did what we wanted to do." (Paraphrased, it's been a while.)


----------



## Forrest_H

MFB said:


> How the shit have you dated someone for 4 years and not even held their God damn hand? Im a fairly simple guy of 24-going-on-25 and even I do that almost immediately.



The way you phrased this made me burst into laughter. 

I'm not much older than you, but I can tell you from the short life I've lived, the dad clearly likes you if he's joking about eloping.

Assuming you literally meant that you're asking him for permission to publicly show affection to his daughter, there is nothing wrong with that, he's not going to murder you for loving his daughter and treating her well.

If you're asking him about marriage...

Dude, you're 17. In the 18 years I have lived on this earth, and the 2 that I've dated my girlfriend, marriage has never seemed like a priority. You're a kid. I know that you love her, you have strong feelings for her, and everything else, but your concern should be actually doing something with your f-cking life and not being tied down and worrying about paying off a ring and wedding expenses.

I know full well that I'm one to talk, since I turned down a job offer to go work on ads and jingles for HTC for a multitude of reasons, one being my girlfriend, but for the love of God, just date. Had I done what you're considering doing, I would have been stuck in a house with a girl I recently found out forms her opinions on me based off of what her family tells her to believe, and firmly stands by these inane beliefs. For one, I had no idea that I'm going to die because sometimes I can't sleep at night. I also had no idea that it's inconsiderate and akin to murder by not acting enthusiastic while having a discussion about the job I have, where I spent 8-10 hours debugging something. 

I'm rambling 

Long story short, there is nothing wrong with wanting to hold your girl's hand, or asking her dad, especially if he likes you enough to joke with you. But marriage shouldn't be your priority right now. Purchasing a house when you likely don't have the income to support that house at this young of an age just so you can live with your young spouse shouldn't be a priority right now.

None of this was meant to come across as "YOU BLITHERING WILLY HOW DARE YOU EVEN CONSIDER IT," and I know that none of what anyone else said was meant to be taken as that either. We're just trying to point you in the right direction.


----------



## stevexc

I have a very good relationship with my father-in-law and the rest of his family. The only thing I asked him permission for in regards to his daughter was to marry her, and that was more a formality.

Anything less than that is between you two. End of story.


----------



## Overtone

What if you hold her hand and then you get a boner?


----------



## stevexc

Overtone said:


> What if you hold her hand and then you get a boner?



That's just bad form! ...and why you don't wait 4 years, much easier to get surprises like that out of the way on the first date.


----------



## TechDeathWannabe

^Precisely,
Bad form indeed.


----------



## TechDeathWannabe

And Forrest, thanks. 

But... my priority isn't marriage.  That's the plan, and goal, but as you and many others have said, I need to do something with my life first. Become a man, not some kid who thinks he's a man. Get a job, and not just fast food/entry level job. (Not to discount those, simply saying that it's not family-raising pay unless you are exceptionally lucky, and even still..) Make mistakes and learn from them. Face the fact that I have to pay for my own expenses, and set my priorities straight. Survive on my own, not just splitting rent with a friend, and definitely not under my parents' roof. Et cetera. There's a lot to do before I'm ready to even plan for a fvcking wedding, let alone actually have one. XP I'm not trying to rush that, by any means. Just getting help early on while my main focus is on other things.
Again, thanks.  Having someone (close to) my age give their input helps.  Age and experience help too, but peers are equally valuable.


----------



## Negav

My daughter is around -10yo...

Anyways, dude you're still young. You're both teens. Wait until she's at least 20-21 and consider it again. I know a couple that were together 11 years before marriage. Not telling you to wait that long, but you should really think about what you're doing to yourself and her. You're both little kids (whether you want to accept it or not, whether you live alone, and have a job). 

If you're looking for sex through marriage, it's not worth it. 

Wait a little longer, build up a stronger relationship, get to know her everything. Get to know the things you hate about her. Let her know you, be explicit with each other. 

Don't rush things!


----------



## TechDeathWannabe

Not a sex through marriage scenario, that's cruel and juvenile in my opinion. And thanks, but it's been a consideration since the beginning. To us, dating isn't some recreational hobby, or a one way ticket to anything, etc. It's more or less like laying a foundation for marriage, getting to know each other even more transparently than we already do/did, realizing that it will be a struggle at some point or another, and it requires a ton of commitment and dedication. Am I saying we won't change? (We haven't thus far, insofar as choosing a life together, leading to marriage...) Not necessarily. Just that it's my life, and hers is hers, and knowing the implications, we made our decision. Not for religious reasons, before anyone pulls that card, but for our personal choices, lifestyles, and lives. It is gonna be a while, and we will likely be in our twenties before it's feasible.
*long winded part over*
I am not trying to negate the fact that giving it time, -and a lot of thought, and getting outside opinions, etc,- is mandatory. But we're past that. Will there be consequences? Yeah. But that doesn't mean only negative consequences, nor does it even guarantee negative consequences.  And I'm not trying to be arrogant, or ignore anyone's advice on this spectrum. Part of trying to keep a long story short was skipping a lot of the small things, which makes this seem like a rash, hormone-induced decision. If you post past this point though, please understand that our minds are set on marriage. Not sex, not rushing anything, not getting married ASAP. Staying together, and when feasible, getting married. It will be quite a wait, but well worth it to us.
(Sorry, still ended up long.. oh well.)


----------



## Alberto7

Discoqueen said:


> Hey ya'll. my girlfriend just fell out of love with me, and this shit sucks so badly. This isn't my first heartbreak (I'm 24- so I've had time for a couple of those). This is what I get for starting a relationship with a lesbian, but damn, I know how to lie to myself about situations. I'm posting tonight because I just hope I can get a few nudges of support to help push me through this.
> 
> This "bachelor party" sux.



Gosh, this makes me feel better about being rejected (still getting over feelings for lesbian roommate). 

I don't have much advice for you, unfortunately, other stay active and do things constantly to keep your mind off of things. You can't control emotions with your mind alone, but you can control them by actually acting against them. Get your ass up and do stuff. Seems intuitive enough, but it can be tricky, and requires a lot of character.


----------



## Discoqueen

Yeah, it sucks because she said if she was strait, things would work out. Trying to keep busy, but thanks for the advice.


----------



## Kullerbytta

^
What Alberto said. Regrettably, if she's lesbian, there ain't a damn thing you can do, and that sounds harsh, but the sooner you can accept that the sooner you'll be able to move on. 
Keep your mind off of her and focus on other things that makes you feel good. Meet friends, play guitar, just... Do stuff. 
Ain't no thing in this world that can twist the brains of men like ladies do.

______________________________________________________________________

Right now I'm pretty damn fûcking torn between two girls... 
The first is my fiancee with whom I've been together for six years and who's the mother of my daughter. 
I truly love her, but lately I've been feeling that I merely love her as a best friend. She knows me better than anyone and she's the only person I've ever opened up to, truly. I rarely tell anyone about how I really feel, ever. Not my parents, friends, no one. Only her. 
The other girl is an old friend I recently met again (who also happened to... Join the band I started...)
When I met her out of the blue while out having a drink with friends... All the old memories and feelings suddenly awakened. I remember the stuff we did, the stuff I did for her... For instance, she loves carousels. You know... The really fast-spinning-yer-gonna-puke-ones? I never rode those, or any other carousels because it makes me feel so bad, haha. However, when she asked me if I wanted a go with her in one o' those, I said yes, much to my displeasure. As we were in that swirling storm of nausea I saw her looking at me, smiling and laughing... And it's the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. I barfed like crazy afterwards but in the end, that smile made it all worth it. 

I broke up with my fiancee last saturday because we've been having a bad couple of months and partly because I don't know how I really feel about her and me, and me and this other girl. 
It... Fûcking tears my insides to pieces trying to figure out what it is that I truly want and how it's hurting my fiancee. I told her I had feelings for the other girl, but that I wanted to try and work on our relationship, and we've been back and forth since that saturday. 
Just... Seeing how I wrecked her entire world when I first broke up with her and moved out, and then realized that I had feelings for that other girl, and then telling her about my feelings for said girl... I don't know how to live with myself when I've made the person I love so much feel so bad about herself, and the not even knowing if I love her in a romantic manner either... 
I care so much for both. I don't want to hurt my fiancee, I never wanna see her cry or be the one responsible for making her feel bad... 
On the other hand I really care about the other girl and want to see her, get close to her and make her feel as good as I've been feeling with my fiancee... 

Right now... Me and my fiancee are 'friends' and I hang out o'er there to help her with our daughter when she's not working, and I think she's expecting this to lead to us getting back together again.
If I can't get over those feelings for the other girl... I'm gonna have to fûck up her world once again... And I fear she's gonna have a complete mental breakdown in that case.

So... What.THE.FÛCK.DO.I.DO?! 
This is all fûcking up me as well... I feel horrible every hour of every day and the choice I have to make is making my head hurt so much that I can't even try to make any sense out of anything.

I kind of wish... That I just got killed by a mugger or something. Right now I don't feel strong enough to fight my way through anything, but I know that I have to because I have a daughter that I can't abandon. Since my dad left me and mum before I was born I've always said to myself that I'll never, ever bail on my kid/kids. And I never will.
I just wish I was stronger...


----------



## piggins411

You need to make a _firm_ decision. May not be easy, and it's more difficult to do than I'm making it seem, but that's all you need to do.


----------



## TedEH

glassmoon0fo said:


> You sound somewhat invested in someone who doesn't sound invested in you.



This may seem like a weird question, but how should one handle a situation like that if you're on the other end of it? As in, someone has become emotionally invested in you, but you've not yet decided that you want to make that same investment back? I met a lady who was a fan of one of my bands, and we've started seeing eachother for a couple o weeks, but constantly saying things like "we're taking our time" and "it's not serious"- which is great, that's what I was hoping for- but it's become clear that she's saying that for my benefit and is more invested than she thinks she's let on. As in, I'm just glad to have some company for now and see where things go, but she's planning out her next year with me in it. Any thoughts?


----------



## glassmoon0fo

Sure man. If it were me, and I liked this girl but wasn't looking to settle down yet, I'd have to make it clear that slow is how it's going to go, and let her know that if she wants it to develop she'll have to give it the time to. Now, do you ever see yourself ending up in something more long term with this girl at all? If it isn't a possibility and you're only using miss "right now" while looking around for miss right, you need to take responsibility and either let her know or let her go, nobody deserves to be led on like that. That said, you know you two better than we do, and if any of that advice strikes you one way or the other, you probably already know what you're going to do regardless, just remember that there's another person on the line. 

To Kullabytta, I was in a similar situation two years ago, down to the fiancé split and new girl and everything. One thing I learned, affection and attraction are two different things. You probably aren't as attracted to your fiancé as you used to be, but throughout the years and making a family, the affection is totally there. But along comes new girl, there's serious attraction and all of a sudden you remember what it's like to be in that immature infatuated state we often call love. I'll tell you this: I know what it feels like to think that your fiancé, the woman who rides for you day in and day out, who's seen you at your worst and still rises for you ever day, just CANT seem to compete with new ...... But that's all it is, and it isn't even THAT if you aren't sleeping with her already. Consider whether or not you'd be splitting with your fiancé if this new possibility weren't in your immediate sights, and I think you'll know how to handle it. 

Good luck to both of you.


----------



## TedEH

glassmoon0fo said:


> just remember that there's another person on the line.



That's the bit that worries me. I still haven't decided how far I imagine we'll continue, 'cause I honestly didn't think we'd get as far as we have, but I'm more than open to letting the situation play itself out, and maybe I'll continue to be pleasantly surprised. I just feel like by the time I've decided what I want from "us", it might be too late to let her down lightly if we're no longer compatible at that point. I just don't want to emotionally crush the poor girl. I mean, it's only been maybe two weeks. I spent 4 years with my ex before we realized we didn't want the same things from eachother, and I'm worried I'm creating that same situation again.



> have to make it clear



I think that's the key. Gatta make sure it's clearly communicated that we may not be viewing eachother in the same light- for both our benefit.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Stop trying to sex up lesbians...

It's pointless... It may very well be that they just genuinely like women more. And there's not a damn thing that can be done. I know none of my gay friends would turn for even the SEXIEST of my female friends bc that just isn't what they like. Why would it work any different for the opposite sex?

At times it seems as though some ppl lack the affection they apparently need to the point of being completey irrational. I can't say that I haven't been guilty of such a thing before, but realizing this might alieviate a lot of stress. This need for affection is what some women label as "desperate" despite how desperate they themselves may appear at times.

Here's what I've been noticing lately based on my interactions with women that I've met both online AND in real life...

There's something to be said for ignoring ppl...

I don't know what it is, but letting someone know that you're interested but also not pressed seemed like a fine line to walk, but it seems to work best.

Example(s):

I met a girl online not too long ago... 

Every time I talked to her, all her responses were these uninteresting one-word-conversation-ender responses. I began to wonder what the point of her responding to ME even was... After watching women in real life at bars and the like it seems to be some sort of half-assed defense mechanism against scrub ass dudes... I watched a lot of dudes try to hit on girls in bars and get shot down... And honestly it seems like quite a few women take pride in the number of ppl they get to shoot down almost immediately whilst also complaining that they can't find anyone good... 

That's not to say that some of the dudes they shot down didn't appear to deserve it. I'm just saying that in conjunction with that, they seemed to take pride in it.

The proper response? 

Say your piece and leave it at that. If she doesn't respond, then leave her alone.

What I've found is that when you leave it alone at that point, you almost always hear from them again at some point. Something about this seems to present a challenge for them that they come back for.

Hell... When I see a women I'm interested in, sometimes I approach them, talk with them for a bit, then give them my business card with my cell number circled or just flat out write down my number and hand it to them. There's typically a 2 - 3 week gestation period and afterwards I almost always get a call (maybe 75% of the time--not bad at all).

And with the past 3 or 4 women with whom I've dealt it's worked like clockwork... The moment they start acting too busy for you, stop hitting them up... You WILL hear from them again... Unless they were ignoring you for something other than a temporary infatuation (usually the case)...

You're just another idiot to boost her confidence as opposed to something that intrigues her because too many of us are just jaded douchebags at this point. Everyone assumes they can just throw everyone else into some category they've prematurely written off... 

So... 

Don't play into the bullshit... If a woman isn't interested, MOVE THE FVCK ON...

You may find that she'll come back when you don't sweat her...

Whether or not you want her at that point is on you, but it's a much more comfortable position to play... 

If nothing else, let Jet Li's words be your guide... 



U-Law said:


> ... I am NOBODY'S bitch!...


----------



## Skyblue

I haven't dated anyone for the past 1.5 years or so. By the time I find a girl that I like, build up the courage to ask her out, turns out she either has a boyfriend or doesn't want to date right now. 

I'm just sick of being lonely. And as much as I'd like having sex, F_CK THAT- I just want someone to share my life with right now. to go to sleep with at the end of the day. 
(It's also not helping that I moved to a different city, all my friends are at least 2 hours away by train, and almost all I do is just work and sit in my apartment all day)
No idea how to even try and get back there. Only option currently seems like work, and I'm not sure it's a wise idea. Fck it. 

I know it's whiny, but I just had to get it out.


----------



## piggins411

Find something that you like to do that gets you out of your apartment


----------



## Konfyouzd

piggins411 said:


> Find something that you like to do that gets you out of your apartment



Do this whether the incentive is getting laid or not... 

@Skyblue... It's been almost 9 years since the last time I dated someone seriously or even tried (prior to this past year)... What I've found is that the more you think about it, the harder it becomes to make it happen unlesss all you're looking to do is hook up with someone every weekend or so... Let life happen and see where it goes... 

That said I STILL haven't found anyone but I've gotten to a point that I can think about it rationally and I realize that being alone is far better than being with someone you don't like simply for the sake of being with "someone".

Furthermore, there are women everywhere... You're bound to like one eventually that likes you back and isn't attached to someone else. Statistically it's more likely that a woman will be born than a man so the odds are in our favor, right?


----------



## Skyblue

piggins411 said:


> Find something that you like to do that gets you out of your apartment





Konfyouzd said:


> Do this whether the incentive is getting laid or not...
> 
> @Skyblue... It's been almost 9 years since the last time I dated someone seriously or even tried (prior to this past year)... What I've found is that the more you think about it, the harder it becomes to make it happen unlesss all you're looking to do is hook up with someone every weekend or so... Let life happen and see where it goes...
> 
> That said I STILL haven't found anyone but I've gotten to a point that I can think about it rationally and I realize that being alone is far better than being with someone you don't like simply for the sake of being with "someone".
> 
> Furthermore, there are women everywhere... You're bound to like one eventually that likes you back and isn't attached to someone else. Statistically it's more likely that a woman will be born than a man so the odds are in our favor, right?



Thanks for the comments guys~ 

There honestly isn't much to do outside of the apartment right now... all my hobbies are indoors~ But one of my best friends is supposed to be back from New Zealand in month or so, so that would greatly help the loneliness factor... I'm not a very out-going person anyway. My problem isn't being inside the apartment all day- it's that I'm alone here. I have no one to meet every once in a while, outside of work that is- and it's a bit depressing. It'll solve itself, eventually, but for the time being it's no fun at all. 

As for the dating part- I'm not actively seeking to date anyone, not to mention hook up with anyone. The whole idea of one-night-stands is really uncomfortable for me, to be honest. I'm just wishing I had someone to share my life with right now. I miss that.

I am completely aware that it's just a bit of a down-period. It'll pass, and I just needed a place to vent. 

Thanks again guys  Imagine I'm giving you Rep


----------



## asher

Skyblue said:


> I'm just wishing I had someone to share my life with right now. I miss that.
> 
> I am completely aware that it's just a bit of a down-period. It'll pass, and I just needed a place to vent.



I feel you man. I've got a little bit more going on socially than you seem to, but no good avenues for that companionship thing without going way out of my way to meet people, which I'm rather uncomfortable doing.


----------



## TedEH

Skyblue said:


> My problem isn't being inside the apartment all day- it's that I'm alone here.



I've been in that same state, recently, and for a fair amount of time. It may not seem like the problem is that you're in you're apartment, but maybe it is. I mean that in the sense that you're not going to meet anyone by staying home and being sad about it. And if you do go out, you have to put in a legit effort to socialize with people.

I spent almost a year or so feeling bad for myself and staying in my apartment doing nothing- and what was the solution? I went to a show and made an effort to be social with people. I talked with people I knew, people I didn't know, acquaintances I hadn't heard from in ages- just whoever was there. Made it a goal to have a good time. Even got a date out of it (edit: it's a long story).

I know that's not the advice you want to hear per-se, but in those situations the limiting factor is often self imposed. The problem may not be in your apartment- but that's almost certainly not where the solution is either.


----------



## Discoqueen

Konfyouzd said:


> Stop trying to sex up lesbians...
> 
> It's pointless... It may very well be that they just genuinely like women more. And there's not a damn thing that can be done. I know none of my gay friends would turn for even the SEXIEST of my female friends bc that just isn't what they like. Why would it work any different for the opposite sex?
> 
> At times it seems as though some ppl lack the affection they apparently need to the point of being completey irrational. I can't say that I haven't been guilty of such a thing before, but realizing this might alieviate a lot of stress. This need for affection is what some women label as "desperate" despite how desperate they themselves may appear at times.
> 
> Here's what I've been noticing lately based on my interactions with women that I've met both online AND in real life...
> 
> There's something to be said for ignoring ppl...
> 
> I don't know what it is, but letting someone know that you're interested but also not pressed seemed like a fine line to walk, but it seems to work best.
> 
> Example(s):
> 
> I met a girl online not too long ago...
> 
> Every time I talked to her, all her responses were these uninteresting one-word-conversation-ender responses. I began to wonder what the point of her responding to ME even was... After watching women in real life at bars and the like it seems to be some sort of half-assed defense mechanism against scrub ass dudes... I watched a lot of dudes try to hit on girls in bars and get shot down... And honestly it seems like quite a few women take pride in the number of ppl they get to shoot down almost immediately whilst also complaining that they can't find anyone good...
> 
> That's not to say that some of the dudes they shot down didn't appear to deserve it. I'm just saying that in conjunction with that, they seemed to take pride in it.
> 
> The proper response?
> 
> Say your piece and leave it at that. If she doesn't respond, then leave her alone.
> 
> What I've found is that when you leave it alone at that point, you almost always hear from them again at some point. Something about this seems to present a challenge for them that they come back for.
> 
> Hell... When I see a women I'm interested in, sometimes I approach them, talk with them for a bit, then give them my business card with my cell number circled or just flat out write down my number and hand it to them. There's typically a 2 - 3 week gestation period and afterwards I almost always get a call (maybe 75% of the time--not bad at all).
> 
> And with the past 3 or 4 women with whom I've dealt it's worked like clockwork... The moment they start acting too busy for you, stop hitting them up... You WILL hear from them again... Unless they were ignoring you for something other than a temporary infatuation (usually the case)...
> 
> You're just another idiot to boost her confidence as opposed to something that intrigues her because too many of us are just jaded douchebags at this point. Everyone assumes they can just throw everyone else into some category they've prematurely written off...
> 
> So...
> 
> Don't play into the bullshit... If a woman isn't interested, MOVE THE FVCK ON...
> 
> You may find that she'll come back when you don't sweat her...
> 
> Whether or not you want her at that point is on you, but it's a much more comfortable position to play...
> 
> If nothing else, let Jet Li's words be your guide...



In my case, I didn't approach her or pursue her. She FB messaged me to hang, and after three "hangouts" things just moved forward. It was a wierd situation. She initiated everything, then after awhile she was just done with everything. I'm not your typical male; I've had a few lesbian's attention before. I've never really felt safe going forward with that sort of relationship since... inevitably there is a problem. It didn't even seem like a sexual one. More just a general "not a biological female body and mind."

Anyways, if that wasn't to me... disregard! 

Update? Things got much rougher before they got better. Some harsh conversations forced some ideas into my mind, and I'm realizing some of the ways she communicates and her attitude towards certain things weren't for me anyways. 
Unfortunately for me, I am the type of person that puts too much of my happiness on the line when it comes to being with someone romantically.


----------



## Varcolac

New girlfriend meeting my friends today. Should be absolutely fine but I'm a worrier.

These are my choices if things get awkward:


----------



## Skyblue

TedEH said:


> I've been in that same state, recently, and for a fair amount of time. It may not seem like the problem is that you're in you're apartment, but maybe it is. I mean that in the sense that you're not going to meet anyone by staying home and being sad about it. And if you do go out, you have to put in a legit effort to socialize with people.
> 
> I spent almost a year or so feeling bad for myself and staying in my apartment doing nothing- and what was the solution? I went to a show and made an effort to be social with people. I talked with people I knew, people I didn't know, acquaintances I hadn't heard from in ages- just whoever was there. Made it a goal to have a good time. Even got a date out of it (edit: it's a long story).
> 
> I know that's not the advice you want to hear per-se, but in those situations the limiting factor is often self imposed. The problem may not be in your apartment- but that's almost certainly not where the solution is either.



Problem is I don't really have anyone to meet at all right now. As I said before, I moved to a new city, and almost all my friends are living about 2.5 hours away. And to add to that, I not much of a social person... I dislike saying I have "social anxiety" or the like, as I've never seen any professional about it and I feel that just "deciding" I have it is like all these people who go like "Yeah, I always like wash my hands twice after I go the the bathroom, I'm so OCD"... so yeah, I digress, but that point is talking to people isn't easy for me.
And I wish we had good shows to go to around here- It's Israel, we get most bands 20 years too late...


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Konfyouzd said:


> Stop trying to sex up lesbians...
> 
> It's pointless... It may very well be that they just genuinely like women more. And there's not a damn thing that can be done. I know none of my gay friends would turn for even the SEXIEST of my female friends bc that just isn't what they like. Why would it work any different for the opposite sex?



You can even make it a bit more personal. Try imagining yourself, assuming you're straight, being sexually attracted to someone of the same gender. It just can't be done. (And if it can, then congrats on your new found homo/bisexuality.)

Just for clarification, this isn't directed at any one person, but more towards anyone who may be having feelings for someone of an orientation that doesn't include them as a candidate. It is utterly pointless, and often times offensive and rude, to pursue someone you know to not be attracted to your gender.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Discoqueen - Sounds like she likes attention more than she likes men OR women.

I just saw lots of talk ab ppl being involved w and/or chasing lesbians. So when I saw it pop back up I thought "Oh goddammit..."

I didn't really pay attention to who said what if I'm being honest.


----------



## Alberto7

Konfyouzd said:


> Discoqueen - Sounds like she likes attention more than she likes men OR women.



So much this.

Even after I told her how I felt, she still keeps throwing indirects at me, and I've called her out on it a few times. She only goes quiet and says "... I'm sorry." Even my sister has told me that she feels this girl only likes the attention I give her... so I don't. Or, rather, I try not to  sometimes I fail, but I'm getting better. She's in a very troubled place and she doubts everything about herself, so of course she's happy someone likes her, regardless of gender. She feels a very natural (and even understandable) need to validate herself and making herself feel better by leading that person on due to her own self esteem issues (which are many). That's how I, and a few others, feel about it.

I may edit this post later, as I feel I have some more to say, but the important stuff is out of the way.


----------



## Discoqueen

It's strange. It sucks. Not knowing a person's motives. Sometimes they don't even realize what they are. When a relationship (or just flirting or whatever) is not about the person, but rather about neediness or wanting attention, it's hard not to feel like you are being jerked around.


----------



## RevelGTR

My girlfriend and I just hit 9 months together. I really feel good about this one.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Discoqueen said:


> It's strange. It sucks. Not knowing a person's motives. Sometimes they don't even realize what they are. When a relationship (or just flirting or whatever) is not about the person, but rather about neediness or wanting attention, it's hard not to feel like you are being jerked around.



What I've found is that when I can't tell what a person's motives are, rather than get angry with them, or trying harder to understand, I just let the whole thing go and stop hitting them up. For me it's no good to talk to someone when I'm upset, confused or even so much as have a hunch that I may be being jerked around. As such, I just silently walk away from the situation.

This way you don't end up causing some unnecessary BS and you're also not stressing yourself out. Deal with them the next time they hit you up and see how you feel then.

If you continue to get the feeling that you're being used to stroke someone's ego, then you already have a proper system in place. Be still and just don't respond the next time you hear from them.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Konfyouzd said:


> What I've found is that when I can't tell what a person's motives are, rather than get angry with them, or trying harder to understand, I just let the whole thing go and stop hitting them up. For me it's no good to talk to someone when I'm upset, confused or even so much as have a hunch that I may be being jerked around. As such, I just silently walk away from the situation.
> 
> This way you don't end up causing some unnecessary BS and you're also not stressing yourself out. Deal with them the next time they hit you up and see how you feel then.
> 
> If you continue to get the feeling that you're being used to stroke someone's ego, then you already have a proper system in place. Be still and just don't respond the next time you hear from them.



This is what I'm doing atm.

There's a girl I was very, very interested in - we used to work together, then she left and we started talking a lot, we always got on really well. Managed to see each other again about a month ago, and were trying to arrange another time after that but things kept getting in the way (genuinely - I know she wasn't lying or making excuses)... but then a couple of weeks ago she just totally cut me off and stopped talking to me, for no readily apparent reason. What I suspect is that while I haven't said it (I was going to), she's realised I was into her and doesn't feel the same way - despite the fact we both flirted constantly, which is something she initiated  I probably made it into something more than it was in my head, but it's still fkin weird to me that she'd just totally cut me off when we got on really well up until just then. I didn't do anything wrong or even differently.

I've spent a good couple of weeks (well, a horrible couple of weeks) overthinking drastically and trying to piece it together in my head, but in that time I've stopped talking to her completely - no more messages, no more texts, tweets, anything - no signs of life from her either, apart from her liking a couple of my posts on Instagram. That way I don't burn any bridges and leave the door open for her to come back through if she feels like it, and if she does start talking to me again I sort of have the upper hand, because I feel like I've kept my dignity rather than chasing her fruitlessly.

Still think about her an awful lot though. She just probably doesn't know it.


----------



## Church2224

In a more positive note in my dating life, after some bad luck I met a very pleasant young woman who I have been talking to a lot for the past couple of days, even texted me this morning to make sure the snow did not get to me. I like her a lot, she is very outgoing and funny. We are trying to get a date together, so here is hoping that works out.


----------



## asher

Church2224 said:


> In a more positive note in my dating life, after some bad luck I met a very pleasant young woman who I have been talking to a lot for the past couple of days, even texted me this morning to make sure the snow did not get to me. I like her a lot, she is very outgoing and funny. We are trying to get a date together, so here is hoping that works out.



Good luck dude!! It's time something turns your way!


----------



## Church2224

asher said:


> Good luck dude!! It's time something turns your way!



Thanks man! It has been a bad spot for some time. Last week I got asked out only for the girl to turn around and get a new boyfriend, and my Valentine's day plans got cancelled with my friend since she got back together with her ex, so this is some nice light at the end of the tunnel.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

so... i'm getting married in October...


----------



## Konfyouzd

I come up in here today and there's all this positivity...


----------



## piggins411

Would you like me to change that?


----------



## icos211

Konfyouzd said:


> I come up in here today and there's all this positivity...



Don't worry, I'm still here... 

Lurking in the shadows... 

envious... 

waiting... 

talking to myself... 

watching those with the precious...


*gollum*


----------



## Alberto7

So I thought I'd come back and finally kill the mood. 

... almost. It's not all grim.  Not like it was before anyway.

She is apparently starting to move on from her abusive relationship after a talk that we all (us roommates) had with her on Thursday, and has apparently met someone else since then (Tinder). I don't know many details, nor do I know if she's going through with it, but I also don't want to know. This has enraged me with jealousy, but I've kept it to myself. I had a conversation about this with a friend, and the convo really hit home, and has made me realize that it isn't worth my time to worry about someone who, after all, really isn't worth it (I could go into this last part a bit further, but it's lengthy... basically, I've realized she does not care at all how I feel. Regardless of why this is, I cannot keep putting up with it).

After this conversation, and after sulking for about a week or so and being quite dry with her, I told her yesterday night that I will need to distance myself from her until I am ready to deal with her again. I emphasized the fact that I needed that distance to be respected, unless it's an emergency or the situation really calls for it. I don't know how that will pan out exactly, but it will have to. I told her things would get really awkward at least for some time, but that I am willing to put up with it, and that I hoped she was willing, too. I stated that I was not going to be impolite about it; I'm not going to stop greeting her if I run into her, but I won't engage in conversation either... which is exactly what I have been doing for the last week, only that from now on it'll hopefully be that way from her end as well. I was quick and to the point when I said all of this. All I got back from her was "okay... yeah... sure... that's fine..." in a very awkward voice and a very awkward look on her face, and bloodshot eyes. Then she just left back to her room and began blasting a song that we bonded over a few weeks ago and began singing over it ("Take Me To Church" by Hozier). She only sings/listens/talks about that song when I'm around. She knew I was sitting in the living room (which has a door leading to her room) and I could clearly hear her loud music. Don't know if that means anything, but it isn't affecting my decision.

Today has gone down much like I expected, although she has been a lot more impolite/nervous when I've been around. She avoids me at all costs and seems pissed off. It didn't bother me too much, until she began to loudly talk with my other roommates about bringing some girl over (whether or not that person is the same one she met on Tinder, I don't know, but I can guess) right next to my *open* door. I'm trying not to let my jealousy affect me, and actually while she's not around I am able to keep it under control and successfully go through the mental exercise of imagining the situation without getting upset, but hearing it from her own mouth is a different beast to deal with... especially considering that I get the feeling she did that just to get a reaction out of me. Maybe I'm just imagining things, but that thought bothers me. It tells me she's lying to me when she says that it's okay if I take my distance, and I do not appreciate dishonesty.

But anyway, that's how things are now... I'm actively trying to get my shit together more than ever before, so it's not like I am not trying to move on.

-----------

Things with the big-bottomed female sadly stagnated at the friendship level. After getting to know her, I realized she is difficult to get to, and I am absolutely not her type. However, we're becoming very good friends, and she's really, really cool. I am actually very happy with the relationship I have with her atm. She also told me I can use her to make other girls jealous if I wanted to; she's smoking hot. 

Another girl I was after, and who was giving me a lot of attention, suddenly turned out to be seeing someone... or whatever. We flirted around so much, and she seemed very interested, but it won't happen now. She's also really hot, but I don't think I'll keep her around too much other than just a study buddy, or something to that effect.

I'm trying to get out there and meet more people, so hopefully soon I'll find someone who will make the process of moving on a bit quicker. Or, even better, someone I could call my trusted partner.


----------



## piggins411

Alberto7 said:


> Things with the *big-bottomed female* sadly stagnated at the friendship level.



I'm not sure why, but when I read this part, I thought about some weird rendition of Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls" replaced with that type of language


----------



## Varcolac

piggins411 said:


> I'm not sure why, but when I read this part, I thought about some weird rendition of Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls" replaced with that type of language



I appreciate oversize posteriors and I am incapable of prevarication. The totality of you alternative brethren cannot provide convincing counterarguments. On the occasion that a young lady ambles into this domicile with a smaller-than-average midsection and that spherical item towards your face, you get SPRUNG.

Sir Mixalot. They don't give out knighthoods of you can't speak the Queen's English.


----------



## Alberto7

Varcolac said:


> I appreciate oversize posteriors and I am incapable of prevarication. The totality of you alternative brethren cannot provide convincing counterarguments. On the occasion that a young lady ambles into this domicile with a smaller-than-average midsection and that spherical item towards your face, you get SPRUNG.
> 
> Sir Mixalot. They don't give out knighthoods of you can't speak the Queen's English.



You have single-handedly made my day. Where is the rep system when I need it?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Varcolac... Full retard... And I love it...


----------



## russmuller

Breaking up sucks...

My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 1/2 years, and after a very difficult last year we are finally splitting up. There are so many reasons why it's the right thing for both of us, but it's still crushingly sad at times. Unfortunately, love isn't all you need.

I want us both to be happy, and we wouldn't be breaking up if I believed there was a way for that to happen as a couple. I want her to find someone who shares her life goals so she can start a family, and I need space to pursue my goals. 

We've known for the past 4 months that we're breaking up, which has made life together during that time surprisingly easy. But tomorrow her parents are coming to help move her out of our house and now the "shit's real" feeling is sinking in. I'm sure I'll spend the next few days with a knot in my throat.


----------



## asher




----------



## Slunk Dragon

It's going to be 4 years with my fiance in April, but we're so out of money we don't even know when we'll afford our own wedding. Even our families are tight on money at the moment. (We live 100 miles apart, too)

But I still love her to death, and wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. Plus she's a REALLY mean baker, so my ass gets all the sweets I want.


----------



## Varcolac

Varcolac said:


> New girlfriend meeting my friends today. Should be absolutely fine but I'm a worrier.
> 
> These are my choices if things get awkward:



Did not need to use any of the above options. Friends approve. Girlfriend doesn't find friends insane. Valentine's day tomorrow and I'm cooking. Wish me luck.

Menu: 3 courses

Mushroom chilli & bacon salad 

Chicken stuffed with cheese wrapped in bacon with traditional Scottish vegetable accompaniments (neeps & tatties, roast cabbage, onions and leeks)

Cranachan (more trad Scots stuff. Basically cream cheese, raspberries, oatmeal, honey, and ALL THE WHISKEY)

My family's vaguely Irish-Scots. Also things wrapped in other things are the highest form of culinary art. White wine and single malt whiskey to drink. Om nom nom.


----------



## Alberto7

Right, so... after hearing her, once again, yelling at her monster/partner/thing (I just call her The Witch these days, so that's how I'll refer to her from now on) on Thursday night, I decided that she needed a friend, and I broke my silence on Friday morning. My sister told me that she had told her she was worried and had asked why I was acting all weird (which is honestly quite offensive, given that she should know what I'm going through... because I explicitly told her). This made me feel bad. For some reason, I said I was sorry for being shitty with her, and asked her if we could talk it through. She was getting ready to go to school, and she was going back to her parents' for the night, so she promised to talk the day after, on Saturday.

Saturday night I was supposed to go out with my other roommates to a friend's house. She would be there, but I thought it was okay because I was willing to confront my feelings and I thought we'd be okay after talking (stupid me). Saturday comes, and she says she will go straight to our friend's place... meaning we wouldn't talk. She was also bringing another friend. I felt kind of betrayed, honestly; we had agreed we'd talk, and I thought we both understood it was important. Then, she randomly shows up half an hour before I had to leave, and brings someone over, without telling me, or anyone. She tried to act like everything was okay, but also didn't make any room or time for me to talk to her, like we had agreed. I got upset over this and decided to spend the night at home. My other roommates weren't happy with my decision, but they understood. I had a little party with myself at home, which was actually quite nice.

Then Sunday comes, and she shows up in the afternoon with another girl. She says she'll only get a few things and leave right away. That's alright. They stay for about an hour and then leaves. We have a pretty strict rule at home where we always tell each other in advance if anyone other than us is coming home. She has gotten very upset about this rule being broken in the past. Now she does it to me. But anyway, they eventually leave. Fast-forward a few hours, she comes back with the same girl, and loudly announces that she just came back to get a few things, and that she will not spend the night home. I instantly knew that said "friend" was more than just a friend. But it's okay, they'd leave soon, and I wouldn't have to deal with it. Once again, they spend about an hour just talking in the living room. I felt uncomfortable even going to get a glass of water. She suddenly decides to stay home because she has an exam tomorrow, and sees her "friend" off by sticking her tongue down her friggin' throat and practically eating her face right in front of my room's open door, where I was sitting, trying to study... she did it as though I didn't even exist. As if she's either too stupid to understand that it hurts, or just seeking to make me infinitely angry. Needless to say, my heart sank enough to bring me back a piece of the Titanic. I should have freaked out then and there but, instead, I took it very calmly and just put on my big headphones and began blasting some Lamb of God. She never even said anything to me after that. She was just merrily going round the house completely unaware of what she had done. At one point I go talk to my sister and let it all out on her. And I mean everything. I let off enough steam to go on a transcontinental train trip. After that, I got my things and bolted to a friend's place to spend the night, where I currently am. Probably not going back for a while.

Time to stop being an idiot and flush her out of my life. Time to find a new place to live. I will not put up with this shit any longer. No way.


----------



## kamello

^ fúck. that. shit. I just read your other thread here and man, luckily you are stopping it before it gets an even bigger toll in you. I could continue rambling about the behavior of your roomate, but fúck it ain't even worth, the only thing I wish, is that you finally put some real closure on this, move on, and have a bright future ahead (ok, Im not sure, but probably this is harder in Canadaland during winter ) You are a nice guy, so I know that you can get to know someone better if your head isn't as clouded as it is now



also, you know what's better than hearing Randy Blythe voice? hear it alongside Joe's voice


----------



## Alberto7

^ Thanks man, I appreciate it. When I talked to my sister last night, part of the reason I did so was so that I wouldn't explode on my roommate. My sister managed to calm me down enough, because I was ready for a showdown; I was ready to go and yell my lungs out and make her feel like absolute filth. But that wouldn't have been very mature of me, I don't think. It's just not worth it. The night away from home was good. A short sleep, but very good quality.


----------



## asher

After everything you've written I am very confident in saying she knew _exactly_ what she was doing. It's the last thing from being oblivious.

It's super passive aggressive and shitty, but short of kicking her out somehow you need to find somewhere else to live.


----------



## Alberto7

^ Yep. I briefly spoke with my landlady about not renewing. I haven't yet given a final answer, but she's been 'warned' that I might leave. She's sending a renewal notice to all of us soon that we'll have to reply to with our final decision within a month. I know my roommate told my sister last week, after being "affected" by the discomfort of my silence, that she was thinking of moving out. I'm going to seek legal advice from my university's Housing department and explain to them my living situation to see exactly how these things work over here and what my rights are, but if my roommate decides to leave, I _might_ decide to stay. It depends on what advice I get from the department. And I say I _might_ because she isn't the only problem, just by and large the biggest one. It's just _a lot_ easier to stay and deal with things if she's not there, than to have to find a new place. Currently though, I am leaning towards finding a whole new place and a fresh new start. But we'll see. As long as I am not sharing any physical space with her, I will be fine.


----------



## BucketheadRules

The girl who randomly cut me off for no apparent reason is still on my mind, it's terrible. It's been a month since we last spoke, nothing even happened between us but I still can't stop myself thinking about her. Part of me doesn't want to, and part of me is thinking it's unhealthy to carry on like this. All I want to do is talk to her, but I've been keeping my distance because I know it'd be a bad idea. Obviously I now know she doesn't want to take things any further, which is what I'd been trying to do, but aside from that I have no idea how she feels about me, I suspect she doesn't hate me and want me gone forever but I'm still pretty sure that it'd be dumb of me to try and start talking to her again. Not that it stops me being tempted to...

This is so shit. It's not like we were even dating or anything, I hadn't even told her how I felt... this whole thing could be totally normal and undramatic as far as she's concerned (well, I suspect she knows something isn't right but I'm sure it isn't as big a deal to her as it has been to me). I feel like I should be over her now but she's on my mind more than ever. I guess it's because I feel like it's not resolved, but I don't really think I should try and resolve it.


----------



## AliceLG

So for the third time in the last 9 years I got this message:

"You are an amazing person. Smart, funny and kind and I like you a lot. I was thinking about you and me. You deserve only the best! What I learned the last weeks is that my stupid feelings are not matching what my brain already knows."

YEEEEEEEEEEY


----------



## Kobalt

russmuller said:


> now the "shit's real" feeling is sinking in


I intentionally came back here to quote this exact part of your post... I remembered it as soon as I felt it...


----------



## Steve-Om

Alberto7 said:


> ^ Yep. I briefly spoke with my landlady about not renewing. I haven't yet given a final answer, but she's been 'warned' that I might leave. She's sending a renewal notice to all of us soon that we'll have to reply to with our final decision within a month. I know my roommate told my sister last week, after being "affected" by the discomfort of my silence, that she was thinking of moving out. I'm going to seek legal advice from my university's Housing department and explain to them my living situation to see exactly how these things work over here and what my rights are, but if my roommate decides to leave, I _might_ decide to stay. It depends on what advice I get from the department. And I say I _might_ because she isn't the only problem, just by and large the biggest one. It's just _a lot_ easier to stay and deal with things if she's not there, than to have to find a new place. Currently though, I am leaning towards finding a whole new place and a fresh new start. But we'll see. As long as I am not sharing any physical space with her, I will be fine.



Wow....I had to read your previous posts. And, you are making the right decision. It's hard to let go of emotions, specially in a situation like yours.But just taking the time to write and let us know your feelings takes courage and you have it for wanting to take control of your life again. Kudos to you my friend!


I actually came here to write to all you guys. I've been affected by severe deppression and suicidal thoughts for the last couple of years, and I am now starting to get out of the massive pile of excrement I was in. Many factors and situations were part of it, from having big $$$ basically stolen by a bandmember (and I mean thousands), to doubting my own existence, my relationships, not knowing where to go, you name it. I recently ended a 4+ year relationship with my gf, because I was simply not into it anymore. We fought hard to stay together, and she loved me like no one else has, but if you are just not feeling the same way you did a few years ago, then what can you do? Would you stay in a relationship that is not fulfilling just for the sake of not breaking her heart, or would you end it fearing you might not find someone that will understand you?

This is my situation...the thought of being left alone has always tormented me, but I am now going out of my confort zone to discover what I am worth, there's a whole new world out there for me and all of us.

I was overweight, depressed, unhappy....but I've since lost a lot of weight, gained confidence and I am beggining to see the world through my own eyes. 

Letting go of relationships has been the hardest thing for me to do, because there's always this fear of loneliness that creeps up to me, but now I know it's not the fear of being alone, it's the fear of not knowing what's going to come.

I loved my gf so much, but now I must close this (huge) chapter full of hurt and chaos in my life and live as I am supposed to, and fulfill my goals and dreams.

This forum has been amazing, almost everyone here has been respectful and understanding of others. We all share the same goal, so why fight among ourselves?

I summon the word of god Devin: "love is a way of feeling....less alone"

We are not alone! We have our guitars and our music!


----------



## Alberto7

So we finally had the talk that we needed...

After 4 days of her having done what she did I came back home and have been sleeping here (and very well, might I add... thanks again to everyone who suggested the use of earplugs in the other thread I made! ). However, despite me coming back, I didn't see her until today (10 days after), when she finally texted me about how she wasn't feeling comfortable at home and how she wanted to talk it out. I was rash and honestly kind of a jerk with my replies to her (I was a little too honest and passive-aggressive), so I had to convince her to actually talk, but in the end we did, just a couple of hours ago. I apologized for being an ass with my texts. Then we just talked about pretty much everything for a little while. I tried to be as honest and coherent, but also as sensible as I could. I basically recapped most of the things I've written about here so far. I told her how I can't handle a close friendship with her until she gets her shit together, especially not after going through what I did. She apologized about kissing that girl in front of me (which I appreciated), she explained why, and I let her explain her situation over the past 2 months. I said I understood her, but I still could not accept and/or forgive/forget the things she's done. She said she understood my inability to forgive her, too. She said she's not renewing her lease, for multiple reasons, including me... she had heard I wasn't going to renew, which prompted her to decide the same (we're both good at keeping the other two in check as far as order goes, and she didn't want that burden alone), but she also does not want to live with someone that she can't be friends with... which I completely understand. She told me she acknowledges her flaws that I pointed out. I told her that I do think she is a great person, and that she has the potential to change whatever she wants to change. I also said that, despite my wish to keep her at a distance, I do cherish every moment I spent with her, and that she _will_ remain a special person in my life.

I feel like I hurt her by making her even more conscious of her flaws, and that they were the cause of this... I tried to comfort her by reassuring her that she can get through all the shit she's enduring and much more (and I do earnestly believe that), and that she just needs to go through the same process of growing up that everybody else goes through (the same one I'm going through). As an addendum to this, I also advised her to stop neglecting our two other roommates (my sister in particular, who is fond of her, but is annoyed of her antics), and demonstrating to them that she actually cares about them, because they do care about her a lot, and they're people worth keeping around, even if she moves out.

All in all (TL;DR), it felt like we were saying goodbye to each other... and it hurts. It hurts a lot, but it's for the best. We left it on good terms (as good as 'good' can be), but we're both very saddened that it came to this. We don't foresee a good friendship between us again in our futures, but there's no bad blood. However, there was still a "maybe," perhaps, a chance that in the future we could sit down and have a nice conversation again... "I'll see you around" was a good way to leave it.

I hope this marks the end of this chapter for me...

/dramatism


----------



## Alberto7

Steve-Om said:


> Wow....I had to read your previous posts. And, you are making the right decision. It's hard to let go of emotions, specially in a situation like yours.But just taking the time to write and let us know your feelings takes courage and you have it for wanting to take control of your life again. Kudos to you my friend!
> 
> 
> I actually came here to write to all you guys. I've been affected by severe deppression and suicidal thoughts for the last couple of years, and I am now starting to get out of the massive pile of excrement I was in. Many factors and situations were part of it, from having big $$$ basically stolen by a bandmember (and I mean thousands), to doubting my own existence, my relationships, not knowing where to go, you name it. I recently ended a 4+ year relationship with my gf, because I was simply not into it anymore. We fought hard to stay together, and she loved me like no one else has, but if you are just not feeling the same way you did a few years ago, then what can you do? Would you stay in a relationship that is not fulfilling just for the sake of not breaking her heart, or would you end it fearing you might not find someone that will understand you?
> 
> This is my situation...the thought of being left alone has always tormented me, but I am now going out of my confort zone to discover what I am worth, there's a whole new world out there for me and all of us.
> 
> I was overweight, depressed, unhappy....but I've since lost a lot of weight, gained confidence and I am beggining to see the world through my own eyes.
> 
> Letting go of relationships has been the hardest thing for me to do, because there's always this fear of loneliness that creeps up to me, but now I know it's not the fear of being alone, it's the fear of not knowing what's going to come.
> 
> I loved my gf so much, but now I must close this (huge) chapter full of hurt and chaos in my life and live as I am supposed to, and fulfill my goals and dreams.
> 
> This forum has been amazing, almost everyone here has been respectful and understanding of others. We all share the same goal, so why fight among ourselves?
> 
> I summon the word of god Devin: "love is a way of feeling....less alone"
> 
> We are not alone! We have our guitars and our music!



Also, I really like this post. 

My next step is to try to focus harder on school, on the gym, and, in particular, my karate training. I might give the guitar another shot, too!


----------



## asher

That sounds like it's worked out about as well as it could have, Alberto. Good on you for being up front. 

So are you going to stay, then?


----------



## Steve-Om

Alberto7 said:


> Also, I really like this post.
> 
> My next step is to try to focus harder on school, on the gym, and, in particular, my karate training. I might give the guitar another shot, too!



First: I appreciate your comments!
Second: I can relate to your feelings of hurt, and of the guilt you feel for hurting her. But dont feel like that, ending a relationship is probably one of the most difficult things to do, if not THE hardest thing to do. We always cling to the memories as the human beings we are, but we have to somehow understand that everything and everyone is transitory, unstable and nothing stays the same for long. The only thing that stays with us is our own self, we are our own true companion on this long hike that we use to call everyday experience.

We ALL have our flaws, our skeletons kept in the closet, our darkest memories or feelings within ourselves, is up to us to acknowledge them and to have enough compassion for ourselves and others to just let go of all that dead weight we carry around. You have done what's best for you and for her, and don't be too hard on yourself because I'm confident she will thank you, although you might not see her again, she will, at some point, understand what you meant to say to her, and she will open her eyes for just an instant and realize her truth. You, my friend, are starting to acknolwedge that truth for you, as we all aspire to do.

So, what about relationships? If you ask me, I'd say dont look for "the one", it shall, and surely will, come when the time is right for you, and you will notice. Be yourself, strive to be better everyday.Don settle for less and fight your way to the top.

You, like me, are beginning a new life, and for that very reason you have my support. Keep it up, I wish I knew some kind of martial art


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

Guys I'm dating a girl. 
She's lovely. 
Holy crap.


----------



## Alberto7

asher said:


> That sounds like it's worked out about as well as it could have, Alberto. Good on you for being up front.
> 
> So are you going to stay, then?



I'm still unsure... but I have a feeling I will. I've more or less sorted out my issues with my other roommates, and I feel like I'm moving on nicely from this girl. Still a ways to go, but moving on nicely nonetheless. It feels different between her and me after having talked (as harsh as I may have been, and as pained as she may be), and we still haven't coexisted much after that (we spend a lot of time outside of our place these days, and I had last week off, and she has this coming week off and she won't spend it here), but, based on recent interactions, I feel as though we might be able to sort things out in due time and cultivate a friendship starting from 'zero' again. My other roommate thinks so too, after having talked to both of us, which is encouraging. We'll see.



Steve-Om said:


> First: I appreciate your comments!
> Second: I can relate to your feelings of hurt, and of the guilt you feel for hurting her. But dont feel like that, ending a relationship is probably one of the most difficult things to do, if not THE hardest thing to do. We always cling to the memories as the human beings we are, but we have to somehow understand that everything and everyone is transitory, unstable and nothing stays the same for long. The only thing that stays with us is our own self, we are our own true companion on this long hike that we use to call everyday experience.
> 
> We ALL have our flaws, our skeletons kept in the closet, our darkest memories or feelings within ourselves, is up to us to acknowledge them and to have enough compassion for ourselves and others to just let go of all that dead weight we carry around. You have done what's best for you and for her, and don't be too hard on yourself because I'm confident she will thank you, although you might not see her again, she will, at some point, understand what you meant to say to her, and she will open her eyes for just an instant and realize her truth. You, my friend, are starting to acknolwedge that truth for you, as we all aspire to do.
> 
> So, what about relationships? If you ask me, I'd say dont look for "the one", it shall, and surely will, come when the time is right for you, and you will notice. Be yourself, strive to be better everyday.Don settle for less and fight your way to the top.
> 
> You, like me, are beginning a new life, and for that very reason you have my support. Keep it up, I wish I knew some kind of martial art



Thanks for the words dude. Learning from these things seems like a shortcut to growing up. A thorny shortcut, but I think it's worth it.

Also, karate is the bomb. I only started this semester, but I'm investing myself into it a lot. It feels like it's filling a gap that remained open for too long.



Ocara-Jacob said:


> Guys I'm dating a girl.
> She's lovely.
> Holy crap.



 This made me laugh and feel warm and fuzzy at the same time.  Congrats dude!


----------



## asher

Yeah. I think, if she's heading out, otherwise it seems like a good place and you should stay, IMO. makes life a lot easier too


----------



## groverj3

I just got rejected before even telling the person in question I was interested. It probably wasn't that hard to figure out, but damn. Give a guy a chance?


----------



## brutalwizard

Man, I just had my whole life's script flipped on me. I have met the most down to earth, inspiring, smart/funny girl. Had an amazing all nighter talking and much of the day sleeping in her bed (sharing a sleeping space has always been an aversion of mine) and watching house of cards.

I am worried my inexperience and social awkwardness shined through a little bit. Although the obvious points towards that she is into me to some extent. My own negative thoughts and phobia of rejection is kinda clouding my judgement. 

I'm even more worried that my lack of experience and fear of rejection, leaves me disadvantaged regarding my ability to express my feelings and thoughts properly or in a timely manner. I fear I might seem to overenthusiastic far too soon for social norms.

The last bit of my George Costanza-esque neurosis is coming from our age difference and how that correlates into how different our lives seem to be. 
I am 22 years old and she is 30. I am just a kid with no very little positive life goals or experience. She is an adult, going to school and working, AND has a kid. So even with a light easygoing relationship, there is undertone of real seriousness that I although I would like to think of myself as being mature enough, I worry I really may not be.

Just need some advice guys, I think i might be overanalyzing.


Jebus crisp, the tags for this thread lolol.


----------



## thrsher

alright guys, i need some serious advice if anyone can relate to this or any been in a similar situation. im 29 and my gf is 28. we are coming up on 5 years. we bought a house two years ago. i have never wanted kids and i have been vocal about it all my life. its a known fact around my friends and family and any girl i have ever dated, its one of the first things i say. when we first started dating, she wasn't interested in kids, and pretty much now she is. at this point its either commit or walk away and i really don't know what to do. im not sold on the idea of a child and when i start to even think about having one, all the what ifs set in.


----------



## Konfyouzd

How long a talk did you guys have about this? 

... recently, I mean. You've already expressed that you've been vocal about it in the past, but now that her feelings have changed how deeply have you discussed the matter? 

I've been vocal about not wanting children pretty much my entire life for a cornucopia of reasons. That said, if someone I really cared about (I imagine you wouldn't have spent 5 years of your life with someone you don't care about) wanted to do that I very well may consider it assuming I felt they were a suitable person with whom to raise said child. I mean, buying a house together is an equally scary venture if you ask me. I bought by myself for the same reasons I don't wish to have children. 

But in all seriousness, I think it would make the most sense to have a very long and very honest talk with her before asking any of us. I simply don't know your relationship like that and what will or won't set her off in a situation like this. I don't like discussing babies with women bc I almost always end up being "insensitive" for a difference in point of view... 

Good luck, man...


----------



## thrsher

back in august we have a small bit of a rough patch, we had just been in the house for about a year and i became complacent in the relationship being new in the home and work and other things, and i recognized that and i have been making an effort to be more aware of her etc. at that point the child discussion first came up that it was somewhat of a possibility for her and it was really left at that. for the past month she has been very distant from me so i tried to talk with her and we are pretty much ended the conversation with last night that either i make the commitment that a child one day or we are done. we are both very clear and honest with each other. we are not going to stay with each other and resent one other because i dont want kids/she wants kids


----------



## Konfyouzd

Oh... You're at that point... 

Well... From what you say, it sounds like you guys are both sort of losing interest in the relationship. I don't think that bringing a child into the situation will help that much. If anything it might make things more difficult for all parties involved.


----------



## thrsher

me personally, i love her dearly and want to grow old with her. when she called me out on my shit, ive made it a point to be more aware of myself and the relationship

i had asked her that specifically, does she even want to have a kid with me, cause i agree, if she isnt even fully committed to me, there is no point


----------



## Steve-Om

brutalwizard said:


> M
> 
> Just need some advice guys, I think i might be overanalyzing.
> 
> 
> Jebus crisp, the tags for this thread lolol.




From my perspective, you really have nothing to worry about. You are who you are, and if she's into you it is because of how you treat her and how honest you seem to her. I, too, have a tendency to overthink almost every aspect of my life. This is called "catastrophic thinking". But what can we do about the things which we have no control of? These things encompass almost everything around us. We only have control over ourselves and our actions.

So, be who you are, if she ends up liking you more then that means you are just fine. Take the standard precautions: knowing what she does NOT like is better than knowing what she likes IMO.

And as I was told once "dont expect anything at all, but hope for the best", She seems like a good girl, see if you connect emotionally, intellectually, and physically and trust your own self about how you feel around her. All of this if you don't mind her having a kid, of course. I personally wouldn't be too worried, see if she does her best to have time to spend with you while taking care of her kid, that would mean she likes to have balance.

Ok that's enough of me talking ha!


----------



## brutalwizard

Steve-Om said:


> Ok that's enough of me talking ha!



Thanks for the insight man, i really appreciate it.


----------



## asher

Steve-Om (again!) speaks the truth. 

If you guys are clicking and she's actually into you, she's not going to have any problem with any inexperience.


----------



## flint757

I've had a girl go from interested to friend zone because I moved too slow (literally told so later on). Not always the case, but it is certainly possible even if they are interested.


----------



## Steve-Om

flint757 said:


> I've had a girl go from interested to friend zone because I moved too slow (literally told so later on). Not always the case, but it is certainly possible even if they are interested.



it does happen! has happened to me in the past. it's definitely hard to know how fast to move with a girl... specially when you (like me) have had strong self esteem issues in the past.

the classic "are you cold?" while reaching for her hands has worked for me, even recently! if she feels uncomfortable she'll let you know by pulling away. if, on the other hand, she enjoys it she'll let you hold her hands almost indefinitely, which can take you to the next step 

that's my 2 cents for whatever they are worth haha


----------



## groverj3

I'm just going to bitch again. That's kind of what I do on my ~3x/year appearances on this thread.

Said preemptively rejecting female from the last page responded to my text in which I very carefully worded my disappointment. I also said that I appreciated her being upfront because I hate being led on by people even more than rejection in general. Her response was all smiley faces and exclamation marks and included canned statements about my status as a "great guy" and how I "have a lot to offer someone."

Jesus Christ... just don't talk to me. 

In the five years since my last relationship does anyone have any idea how many times I've heard that stuff? Clearly it's all empty nonsense in most cases. I guess caring enough to say some empty words though is better than being an ass.

I shouldn't internalize it, but after a while you really start wondering if there's something that makes you untouchable. Obviously we all have our neuroses, but I don't think I'm that bad . Then again, I am biased.

I get that she's trying something to make an awkward moment less painful. Especially since she said that she was interested earlier but now has someone else on her mind. Sucks because I would've done something earlier, however, I've been traveling a lot for PhD program interviews. I know I shouldn't make logical leaps like this, but to me this says "I have judged this other person as better than you."

I complain, but lying about the reasons would also annoy me. So, I guess it doesn't really matter. I guess I'm just angry at the universe 

Feels better to subject you to my ramblings


----------



## Steve-Om

groverj3 said:


> I complain, but lying about the reasons would also annoy me. So, I guess it doesn't really matter. I guess I'm just angry at the universe
> 
> Feels better to subject you to my ramblings



I got to be honest, I enjoy reading this thread because I have found I'm not the only one who's found himself in such predicaments.

I know I've been talking a lot but I just feel compelled to express my sentiments and what my (short) experience tells me in similar situations...

If she is not interested in you anymore, then that means she's not for you either. I know, cliché stuff , but it's a simple truth I have come to discover.

Sooner than later you'll find someone, probably in one of your trips, so don't worry about not being liked by a girl you find attractive, because attractive girls are easy to find, lovely girls on the other hand are a rare specimen. It's all very subjective, but think about how many nice looking girls you've met that are not really your "type".

I hope that helps at least a bit...


Now, I have come to also ask for some insight. A few weeks ago I broke up with my gf of 4+years. Tough thing to do, I have enjoyed a lot being with her, good times and bad times. We have had our fights because of me being emotionally unstable and because there was stuff she did or she said which felt like a needle in my skin. I was always non-confrontational, and I preferred doing stuff just for the sake of evading a discussion. That's basically what happened and I took the decision, after trying for a couple of months, to break up with her. she didnt take it nicely, of course, but I was being honest.

fast forward to today, I open facebook (damn you zuckerberg!) and I see some pics of her with her best friend (girl as well), and she looked very good....and for a second my head started spinning with all these thoughts...should I have stayed with her and work out the things we didnt like about each other? should I have been more understanding of her?

Then I look at my phone and I see some messages from a girl which I've been dating lately...I really like her too, and those feelings of regret and confussion kind of dissappear for an instant. She makes me feel good, almost like I havent felt since I was with my ex-gf...

So, what do you think? Am I overnalyzing stuff, clinging to the memories of my ex-gf, and not giving me the opportunity to know this other girl better?


----------



## asher

In a word: yes 

For one, I don't think there's anybody here who isn't clinging to something, to our loss.

That said, being less flippant (but just as serious), even if you really do like this new girl and it's great and stuff, you're not going to get over a committed serious four year relationship in the blink of an eye.

Try to take things as they come, yeah?


----------



## Steve-Om

asher said:


> Try to take things as they come, yeah?



Yeah that sounds like what I should really be doing, instead of worrying about what might have been, focus on what could be...

Thanks for being honest haha

it's so hard to try and stop focusing on something that was once such an integral part of your life, but we all have to move on, and moving on is the hardest part...

at least we have our friends (here included) and our own selves to slap us in the face when we start feeling down


----------



## asher

I know dem feels 

Really, one should ALWAYS be staying in the moment, but it's more important to remind here.


----------



## TedEH

asher said:


> you're not going to get over a committed serious four year relationship in the blink of an eye.



 I'm in that same boat. A year later and still not sure if I'm fully over it. That's not to say you can't move on with your life, but 4 years is significant.


----------



## asher

TedEH said:


> I'm in that same boat. A year later and still not sure if I'm fully over it. That's not to say you can't move on with your life, but 4 years is significant.



Hell, I'm still kind of stuck over a one-year (and change) thing that ended in May...


----------



## Steve-Om

Why is it so damn hard ??? Well, I'm texting with this other girl and she seems really into me...so let's see what happens!

and yeah, 4 years are not something that you can put aside easily... I'll just do my best to stay in the present and enjoy.

Thanks asher and TedEH !


----------



## russmuller

Man, I can relate to Steve-Om, asher, and TedEH. I was with my ex for 5 1/2 years and we decided to split up. She moved out of our rental a few weeks ago, and I finally moved out last week (and into a buddy's place).

For the last few months of our relationship, after we had openly agreed that we were splitting up at the end of the lease, I was all gung-ho about window shopping through OK Cupid. But now that it's really over, I realize that I'm a complete mess and not ready to get involved with anyone. I have moments of serenity where I feel okay and I know this is for the best, life goals, personal happiness, etc... but sometimes I just get hit by a rogue wave of emotion and I'm left swimming in doubt. You know the drill. I blame myself for not being able to keep it together, and if it weren't for my issues blah blah blah...

When you're with someone that long, the separation pains can last for a long time. There's almost no aspect of my life that doesn't provide some reminder of what's been lost. Hell, I can't even get through the grocery store without choking up a few times when I come across food she likes. It sucks. Fortunately, those moments are becoming fewer and far between.

As a general rule, I like to give myself about half the length of a relationship to get over it before I try to get serious about anyone. With how long this relationship lasted, I don't have the slightest clue how long I'm going to need to get my head on straight.


----------



## flint757

I have no idea how long it takes, but I know that I've lost all interest in dating for the last couple of years now.

I have a habit of latching on to feelings and resentment is a big one for me. When you've been used or cheated on in most of your relationships it makes one a bit...hesitant to jump back in. 

That aside, between school, taking care of my family, working and getting a business started I honestly just don't have the time, patience or willingness to get back in the game. I think I wear that too if that makes any sense. I'm pretty sure I walk around with a big flashing sign saying "unavailable!" around my neck.


----------



## asher

Yeah I probably don't give off very many "available as hell" signs. But I don't think I ever have, either.

Gotta let them feelings go though.


----------



## flint757

Oh I know. I hold on to most emotions for a lot longer than I should though. It's a hang up of mine likely due to most people in my family behaving like bi-polar people. They get over thing so easily it's mind boggling sometimes. I wish I could stop doing it, but it's mostly primal. I don't consciously choose to do it, I just 'feel' it. Usually there isn't even a thought that goes with the emotion. It functions like a sixth sense when I'm around either certain people or just certain type of people. Believe me I'm not a fan of it as it tends to make my anger far more explosive than I wish it was.


----------



## piggins411

I actually walk around with an "Available as Hell" sign around my neck. Not as helpful as you might think


----------



## asher

Pics or didn't happen


----------



## Steve-Om

asher said:


> Pics or didn't happen



+1


Instead of wearing an "available" or "not available" sign on our backs we should wear a "having a good time" sign.

but that's just me


----------



## piggins411

asher said:


> Pics or didn't happen




My bad


----------



## Steve-Om

piggins411 said:


> My bad





joke aside, that's a nice shirt


----------



## asher

piggins411 said:


> My bad



Shit. I need to make one of those.

Then we can be signshirtbuddies!

(I have like 4 StS shirts because I love their designs, and that one is my favorite of the bunch).


----------



## piggins411

Well penguins are the best so this shirt combines many of my passions


----------



## Steve-Om

piggins411 said:


> Well penguins are the best so this shirt combines many of my passions



Penguins are awesome indeed!


So, here´s the deal:

My ex gf has been messaging me about how she misses me and stuff. She said verbatim "I hope you realize what you're missing out on for trying to get out of your comfort zone"

I talked to my therapist (yeah, I go to therapy once a week) and she pointed out the fact that my ex gf calling herself "comfort zone" is enough to make me realize the problem. I know and I've experienced that getting out of your comfort zone is hard as hell when you've lived in one for so long, but I am starting to enjoy the ride, although sometimes (like yesterday) I will feel down again and start thinking so much about these situations...

Yesterday I visited the other girl I've been talking about, she works at a store, and we stood there for close to 2 hours talking and laughing. She's the boss so she has some benefits. I honestly think I like her, the more I get to know her, the more I see the kind of girl she is...she's different, and sometimes that scares me but I am also very attracted to her. It's like meeting this crazy girl with whom you want to spend more and more time, and the two of you being different does not really matter...

Dont know if you get the feeling, but it's there. 

Now, there is one downside: she lives in the same house with her ex boyfriend. We have talked a bit about it, and she said she is just waiting for him to leave (that's what I could make of our conversation, at least). He proposed to her a while ago, like back in November, but he cheated on her and since she is a very straight forward person, she basically told him to f%ck off. I am yet to discover what the current situation with the dude is, but if things start to get a bit more serious I'll definitely talk to her about it. I am by no means "silver", and if she is interested, later on, in having a serious relationship, then she has to do something about him, soon.

I am really liking her, and I feel that despite this, and her situation in other aspects of her life (like not finishing high school, and having lost a baby) she is a strong person, also she's not into going out to bars or going to loud places (which is a plus in my book!). She does like metal though! one day we were talking and she was listening to some Napalm Death and stuff

In any case, I feel like I can be a good complement for her, I just hope she sees in me a good partner and someone who can give her the support she needs to move on and fulfill her goals in life, as well as she being supportive of mine.

And that's the story for today!! Thanks a lot to everyone here who's being supportive and cares to read all of my rambling ha!


----------



## asher

Good luck with that dude! Sounds like a good kind of breath of fresh air.

I think I do better with different-but-complementary people as well. I kind of like having someone who will push me - I'm good at following along once I get over an initial anxiety hump but it'll get me to do things I wouldn't on my own.

Also, heading off to therapy right now. I've been going once a week to a cognitive behavioral psychologist since May... so you're not the only one!

yay major depression.


----------



## Steve-Om

asher said:


> cognitive behavioral psychologist.



Thanks a bunch!!!

yep, that's the same stuff I'm going through. you know the drill haha

I just hope I could see her again soon, we do some texting but she's usually busy at work (like I should lol) so I kind of wished she would message me more throughout the day, but hey I cant complain! She usually messages me once she gets home

I hope I'll see her this weekend.. I can feel them butterflies 


Does anyone know what happened to Alberto7?? Dude had a really difficult situation and was wondering if he was able to move out or what


----------



## asher

He posted an update recently, can't remember which thread it was in though. Things are looking up


----------



## Alberto7

Steve-Om said:


> Thanks a bunch!!!
> 
> yep, that's the same stuff I'm going through. you know the drill haha
> 
> I just hope I could see her again soon, we do some texting but she's usually busy at work (like I should lol) so I kind of wished she would message me more throughout the day, but hey I cant complain! She usually messages me once she gets home
> 
> I hope I'll see her this weekend.. I can feel them butterflies
> 
> 
> Does anyone know what happened to Alberto7?? Dude had a really difficult situation and was wondering if he was able to move out or what



Hey dude, thanks for inquiring!  Means a lot.  All quiet on the Western front, for now. I saw her again briefly yesterday, and we agreed to talk again next week once she's back from her university break and from seeing her girlfriend (she came to visit her, but they're staying elsewhere). She seemed enthusiastic and even happy that I asked her to talk again, so that's good; she was even willing to talk right away, but I wanted to let her enjoy her break, and I needed to give it a bit more thought (Also, on top of talking, I'm also writing things out, since I've realized I can be clumsy with my words and the way I say things).

I just want to lay out my feelings on the table once more, but without any silly ultimatums this time around. Not only was I telling her how I felt, but that day I was also letting a lot of steam off, so I may have said some things that I didn't necessarily mean. I'm a firm believer that absolutes are silly, unnecessary, and unrealistic, and that's exactly what I did when I told her we could never be close again, and that I could never forgive her for what she did. Truth is, I don't feel any resentment for what she did anymore, but pity, rather. I won't forget it any time soon, nor how I felt, but I don't hate her for it. I just want to leave things on good terms between us without burning any bridges and just move on. I held back from telling her how I felt for quite a while because I was afraid of losing her _as a friend_, and that is enough for me to know that I _do_, indeed, appreciate what we had, and that it wasn't just me trying to get in her pants. I would love for us to make some good memories together again in the future, no strings attached.

If I had to make an analogy of how I feel things are progressing, it's kind of like the flight path of a butterfly: erratic, unpredictable, and somewhat turbulent, but it still takes it from point A to point B. That, and butterflies are just nice to look at... and there's my portion of cheese for the day. 


---------------


I'm also happy to hear you're liking this new girl, Steve; she sounds like a nice girl! You're still having your issues, but it seems like things are progressing well for you.

"I know and I've experienced that getting out of your comfort zone is hard as hell when you've lived in one for so long, but I am starting to enjoy the ride, although sometimes (like yesterday) I will feel down again and start thinking so much about these situations..."

That resonates with me a lot... just when you think you're moving on, you have a new, fresh, shitty thought, and iit takes you back a few steps. By now, the only thing that honestly works for me is to just bear with it for as long as it lasts; it eventually goes away one way or another. My plan of action these days is to force-stop myself from wallowing and keeping my mind busy with other things. Picking up a new hobby has helped me immensely, since it's something that I find easy to think about constantly and it's something that excites me. However, I do allow some wallowing time every day, to kind of go through my emotions and keeping them in check... I self-analyze during those moments and let things sink in.


----------



## Steve-Om

Alberto7 said:


> However, I do allow some wallowing time every day, to kind of go through my emotions and keeping them in check... I self-analyze during those moments and let things sink in.



I'm glad things are working out for you!

Oh and I know that feeling, I could be listening to sad, cheesy melodeath or gloomy black metal the whole day but every once in a while I put some Steel Pulse on...


----------



## asher

Steel Panther or bust.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Goddammit I hate waiting for slow repliers (one slow replier in particular)... I don't think she's otherwise occupied so I can't work out if she's consciously doing it to keep me waiting or if I'm just getting ignored. Either way it's not much fun.


----------



## Steve-Om

BucketheadRules said:


> Goddammit I hate waiting for slow repliers (one slow replier in particular)... I don't think she's otherwise occupied so I can't work out if she's consciously doing it to keep me waiting or if I'm just getting ignored. Either way it's not much fun.



Well, you said it yourself you dont know if she's occupied or not...

I know it sucks to be waiting, I texted this girl at around 8:00am because that's the time I get to the office, but she replied my "good morning" message at 10:45am. Do I know if she was busy or not? I have no clue, all I know is I liked to see her message.

It's either that, or it seems impossible to find a day to meet, she's been saying "I am not sure what day we can meet but I really want to" since last Sunday, and here I am overanalyzing stuff again....

But hey Bucketheadrules, don't let that get you down. We never really know what they are up to, hell I sometimes don't even know what I am up to 

Girls are girls...we just have to be *inhale* patient ! And that sucks I know


----------



## asher

I have always overprioritized responding to texts, messages, etc. I have plenty of friends who will let a couple hours lapse because they were busy with something else.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Fair enough - it's been nine hours so far though... and it's often been longer.


----------



## glassmoon0fo

The way I see it, it's kinda dangerous on principle to worry about why a text takes so long to get responded to, because you don't want to come off as (read: Be) clingy or needy. She obviously isn't worried about your feelings on the matter if she takes that long, it's in your best interest to be just as uninterested as she is, because you don't know what her deal is. She could be busy, but more often then not, if a woman wants to hear from you, she'll get right back. 

This doesn't mean you're out of the game just yet. I always say, if you feel like you're out of control of your situation, or your emotions are getting the best of you, retreat and regroup. Stepping away from a situation has tremendous power, so BHR, I'd say think about it as if you never expect to hear from her again, and take it from there.

EDIT: Just for comparison's sake, I've had a girl or two do me the same way, not get back to me for hours at a time, and every single one of them has turned out to be a "time ho". They want your attention when they want it, and don't waste a single second of their day on you otherwise. If you think that may be the case at all, move on immediately. Be on lookout, and good luck homie!


----------



## Steve-Om

glassmoon0fo said:


> EDIT: Just for comparison's sake, I've had a girl or two do me the same way, not get back to me for hours at a time, and every single one of them has turned out to be a "time ho". They want your attention when they want it, and don't waste a single second of their day on you otherwise. If you think that may be the case at all, move on immediately. Be on lookout, and good luck homie!



That is a painfully good advice... I guess we just have to wait and see. In my case, she's off today, and I texted her after lunch since she was asking me about it. I asked her how was hers and it's been 2 hours with no response, but then again I know she might be busy with her own stuff.

But I do wish there was more contact, I'll just send her a message to let her know I haven't forgotten about her although I'm at work.

That's just my nature, and I don't think sending her a message when it's been a couple or hours since we last texted means I am needy.

But damn I really want to see her, I just don't want my feelings for her to grow uncontrollably before I am sure I want to have something serious with her...

Oh well I'll just keep listening to some Slumber while my work week ends! It's friday dudes, I now I'm going out!


----------



## Seybsnilksz

The only time I've ever got close to a relationship was with one of those. She often responded sever hours later. Now she hasn't responded since October 2013...


----------



## Alberto7

I.hate.texting.

I, too, overprioritized (and still do, sometimes) texting/messaging, and I overthink things waaaaayyy too much. If the person doesn't get back to me right away, all kinds of weird shit starts going through my head, and it plays with my mind. Before I saw my roommate the other day, she had texted me asking a few things, but she wouldn't say why she was asking when I asked her, and would take ages to reply. Based on context, I could easily infer the reasons why she wouldn't say why, or why she took so long, and they were very simple and meaningless reasons, but there I was, freaking out thinking of all kinds of stupid things and being all paranoid. First thing she did when I saw her about a half hour after my last text, was tell me why she wouldn't answer. Guess what? It was the exact same reason I had first imagined. But no, I had to make a big deal out of it. All this just to show that overthinking things, ESPECIALLY when it comes to texting, is simply not worth your time 99 times out of a hundred. And this coming from a girl who I know can be somewhat shady and even manipulative when she's under the kind of stress we've been in the last few weeks.

Also, replying right away is one of the things I've been working to change over the last year, and it's worked out pretty well. I've become relatively good at not giving a phuck anymore, unless I _really_ need to get back at that person (work/school-related stuff, emergencies, etc.).

Texting makes me all jumpy and anxious, so I just try to avoid it when I can, particularly with people I know aren't very responsive. It's like heroin, but worse, because the rush of receiving that coveted message lasts for like a minute only, and then the comedown is, more often than not, long and brutal. Not worth it.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 5 months now. It's the longest relationship I've ever been in and I'm really happy about it.

She's so great and I don't put her on a pedestal but honestly she never does anything wrong. The only possible fault I've been able to find with her is that if something bugs her she sometimes won't bring it up directly. This is her first relationship, however, so I don't really fault her for that, and she's getting better at it anyway.

Last night she slept over and I woke up in the middle of the night to her crying. To keep it short, her uncle has a brain tumor and isn't likely to make it very long, and she hasn't gotten emotional about it until now since she's going to see him on Saturday. I held her and nearly cried myself; I had never seen her cry and it almost physically hurt me to see her so sad.

Just thought I'd share how my relationship is going at this point. It's going very well.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I think that I might be magical... 

All throughout life any time I've ever decided in my mind that I want <insert-something-desirable>, I've almost ALWAYS either gotten it or gotten the opportunity to get it with very little effort. It's almost as though something hears my thoughts and says, "Well how badly do you really want this?" And just places it directly in front of me...

I've also found that the times I don't obtain these things it's because *I* ....ed up and didn't do what I had to do to properly take advantage of the opportunity granted. I'm by no means a religious man, but every now and then I hear a story from the Bible that makes a whole lot of sense and it feels lot like life tests me in the manner that Jesus did the cripple... "If you wish to be healed then stand and walk..."

In other words... "What you said you wanted is RIGHT THERE... Go get it, fool!"

So with all that shit said, I've finally found a band of like-minded musicians. They're EXACTLY the people I've been looking for to a T. It's actually creepy how well we fit together. And I used to complain that other musicians were flaky, unreliable, lazy, etc. And now with these guys *I* feel the lazy one... Another test it seems to see how badly I really want this... Me likey... Things are going swimmingly...

Aside from that... I know we all have this picture of what the "ideal" significant other would be in terms of personality, the way they look (don't act like you just completely don't care; you do--it's just not the only thing that matters), etc. Well... With the aforementioned criteria in mind, there's a lady that joined our office a few months ago... 

FIIIIIIIIINE... 

Never really figured out a way to get a convo going, but today she ended up forgetting her badge and guess who got to escort her all througout our building today jumping through all the various security hoops that ensue when we forget our badges?



Very cool lady... She's also roughly 9 years my senior... Again... Perfect (I like em "mature"). 

Door(s) opened... Time to seize the day...


----------



## Steve-Om

Konfyouzd said:


> I think that I might be magical...



This is what came to my mind...







Joke aside:
I dont think you are magical. You have a very good attitude towards your situations and you seem to know what you want. It's very hard for some of us to feel entirely confident with our decisions and the things we feel we want which we may or may not need.

Also, good luck with that lady, it looks like you got to ask some initial questions which is a very good start. I don't have a preference when it comes to age, but definitely women who are older than you tend to be less complicated...that's what I have seen at least.


----------



## Skyblue

There was a huge work-party with costumes and everything (Purim, it's a Jewish holiday think of it as your Halloween) and all the people I know from work went. 
I eventually decided not too. 

I just get too nervous at parties... the moment I get separated from people I know I panic/get depressed and run away. 

This girl I like from work sent me a text today along the lines of "I can't believe you didn't come to the party!" which doesn't really help with me feeling bad about it (nor the ton of fb pictures...) 

I want to say "Ah well, I'll come to the next one" but knowing myself, I'm not sure how true will that be...


----------



## Alice AKW

So... I've never really posted in here before, but I want some outside opinions on this.

I know this girl, and have for quite a long time. We dated a couple times, off and on, but always seem to find ourselves coming back to each other. She's been probably the most supportive, open, and nurturing people I've ever known, considering I've been her boyfriend, her crossdressing boyfriend, and most recently her girlfriend. I just find her beautiful inside and out, but the biggest reason we were off and on so much was I had some issues with relationship anxiety and depression and the like, which she wanted all to fix but I was too stubborn and backed out. Now we've been talking again for a while and I"ve had the thought of asking her to be my lover again, but I'm afraid as hell of hurting her again.

What do I do, folks?


----------



## Chokey Chicken

If you were truly the cause of all the separation, you just have to really want it. Don't even consider failure an option. You either want to be with her or you don't. If you can't even fathom that, then I recommend not even starting up again as it's not fair to her. 

This is unfortunately all I can think of. If you want her, then go for it! Just don't do it if there's any possibility that you'll just do what you've done before. To be honest, if it were the other way around, I'd be recommending you to stay clear since people always find it difficult to change and it's pointless to keep getting together with someone who breaks your heart over and over. In this case, you're allegedly the one who has been distant, and you obviously want to do things differently. Kinda shitty lackluster advice I guess.


----------



## Alice AKW

It's a tricky thing for me to judge honestly, as the separation happened during the hormonal cluster.... that was puberty, so I'm not entirely sure how much stock I put in that... We've been keeping in touch steadily the past few months on a friendly level, and it's showing that we both still have feelings for each other.


----------



## Konfyouzd

BucketheadRules said:


> Goddammit I hate waiting for slow repliers (one slow replier in particular)... I don't think she's otherwise occupied so I can't work out if she's consciously doing it to keep me waiting or if I'm just getting ignored. Either way it's not much fun.



I know this is hard as hell to do, but usually when I just find something else to do but talk to a person, they always end up seeking ME out. It seems kinda like some ppl are just used to being sought after. The more comfortable they are in such a position the more likely it is that they'll be this way depending on who they are.

It might not even necessarily be a lack of interest but complacency... The fact that they know you're just gonna text again if they forget to reply... 

What I've found, though, is that whenever I try really hard to get someone's attention (or maybe not so much "try hard" but make a point to try and get their attention) and they behave this way, the best way to get a response out of them is to leave them alone and do something else.

This works outside of romantic relationships too it seems.

Last chick I dated... While we were together I couldn't get ahold of her to save my life. Since we quit dating we still speak periodically and I notice cycles. If we haven't spoken in a while I get the text: "Hey, stranger!"

Then she's super talktative for maybe a few hours... Possibly even a day or two... Then goes right back to being weird and sometimey until I stop talking to her again. I'm not even sure some ppl are aware that they do this.

My last drummer... Couldn't agree with him on anything to save my life. Always had a completely different musical vision... There was a point in time, however, where we were actually successfully able to produce music together... Of course during that period of time he became incredibly flaky such that it ended up being months between any times we would write together but I was still doing my own thing.

Now that I've gotten to a point that I can compose more or less everything on my own his calendar has suddenly opened up. Well no shit... I've done all the work and now he just wants to put his name on it. 

So there's an example of one person that knows what they're doing and one that *might* not. Either way, I got what I *initially* wanted out of them by leaving them the hell alone. Had I known this sooner I might have implemented it in time to still want these ppl around, but eh... C'est la vie...


----------



## Steve-Om

Alice AKW said:


> It's a tricky thing for me to judge honestly, as the separation happened during the hormonal cluster.... that was puberty, so I'm not entirely sure how much stock I put in that... We've been keeping in touch steadily the past few months on a friendly level, and it's showing that we both still have feelings for each other.



I would ask myself: "Do I REALLY love her, or do I just love the confort she gives me?"

I know this is a hard question, but the more you ask this yourself, the more you'll understand your own feelings towards her. My last relationship was very hurtful to both of us, not because any of us was aggressive, but because I was too non-confrontational and would suck up everything that bothered me and made me say things which I should have not and explode.



Konfyouzd said:


> I know this is hard as hell to do, but usually when I just find something else to do but talk to a person, they always end up seeking ME out. It seems kinda like some ppl are just used to being sought after. The more comfortable they are in such a position the more likely it is that they'll be this way depending on who they are.
> 
> It might not even necessarily be a lack of interest but complacency... The fact that they know you're just gonna text again if they forget to reply...
> 
> What I've found, though, is that whenever I try really hard to get someone's attention (or maybe not so much "try hard" but make a point to try and get their attention) and they behave this way, the best way to get a response out of them is to leave them alone and do something else.



Now THAT is what I wanted to hear....read...whatever lol. My problem is that I dont't like playing games just because I don't want to be rejected. While in school I was horribly rejected by a few girls, and that made a hole in my self esteem. I know it's been years now, but until recently I would have never been able to talk about it and understand where it all came from.

How did you finally realize this? What clicked with you? For me it's like it's there...behind a wall of frosted glass which distorts my perception of this undeniable truth. I seem to reject it as much as I want it, for I don't want to be just "another guy" who dates girls... I try to find as much beauty as I can and open myself to those I feel for.. is it making myself vulnerable?

With this girl I really want her to open up with me, to be confident and open her eyes and see that I am not at all like that douche she was going to marry with... but I guess we all have to play some part of the game, even if it hurts and burns in my head like pouring liquid aluminum inside my brain..

oh well, enough talk...got to work 

EDIT: forgt to mention that on Saturday I went out with my brother and a girlfriend of his (nothing serious, just sexual ha!) and she was very nice and open, gave me a few good advices among which is what Konfyuzd said... Girls (in most cases) are like that... like playing chess with a master who knows all the possible outcomes of every move you make, whether good or bad, and is just waiting for you to make a mistake and eat your horses, destroy your towers, kill your queen and behead you king


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Do any of you watch anime?I recently watched a show called "My Teen Romance Comedy SNARFU,"and realized the main character is almost exactly like me in terms of personality/demeanor.


----------



## Steve-Om

So... how are things going for you all??

It's been quiet here so I guess we all are a bit busy with stuff. That's good!

Just wanted to say hi to everybody. Though we are struggling we should keep going.


----------



## Konfyouzd

You know what? I think this thread may go away soon...


----------



## Steve-Om

Konfyouzd said:


> You know what? I think this thread may go away soon...



You think so? How come?


----------



## asher

See the Feedback forum and the top pinned post - though I don't think this would get deleted or even moved since it's in the root OT forum.

in response: absolutely nothing, like before.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Yea I'm dumb... I thought about it wrong... This will probably stay. It'll just get lost under posts about what Company X is putting in your food.


----------



## Steve-Om

Konfyouzd said:


> Yea I'm dumb... I thought about it wrong... This will probably stay. It'll just get lost under posts about what Company X is putting in your food.



that would be a shame 

I'll do my part to keep it up, I know we all need some place to rant and get advice once in a while!

For what is worth... I've been good...-ish. I've seen my ex gf a couple of times just to talk and we've spent some good time (with the exception of almost being robbed by 3 guys, thankfully we didnt take our phones with us). I feel like I enjoy her company, but I know for a fact that we should not see each other, and she's probably going to tell me the same today. I understand, but that's gonna be a huge hit for me, although I don't love her like you'd love your gf or wife, I really love her for what she was to me and how she has helped me change for the good. I just dont want to confuse her or make her feel like she can't move on, she deserves freedom, so to speak.

On the other hand, things are kind of moving along with this other girl I've been dating, the one from the store. We talked a bit about her situation living with her ex bf (or boyfriend...I'm not sure...its confusing), and she was honest and told me she really enjoys being with me and how she likes me so much. All I can think of is that I really want to fight for her, I dont really care about that other douchebag that cheated on her, I want her to feel comfortable with me (which she's told me). She was honest and said she does not want me to feel like shes playing with me, so I guess that's a good sign, and I feel like I must go on, enduring through all my millions of thoughts and focusing on what I want, which ultimately, is to be with her.

I've been writing stuff lately, which will probably end up in my music in some way, and I've been writing about how I want to destroy all her demons and free her. Romantic I know, but that's just the way I feel.

I'm a cheesy dude I know


----------



## BucketheadRules

Well things seem to be ticking over at least with the girl I've been talking to on/off for the last couple of months... as far as she's concerned we're still just friends but I think I'm gonna have to talk to her about taking things further - it's not always plain sailing but I've really fallen for her, I like her a lot. I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel the same way about me but I want to get it off my chest. I just hope she doesn't react badly to it.

On a somewhat weirder note, I've been hearing from a girl I knew at primary school and haven't seen for about eight years. She's had quite a troubled life and now, at 20, has two young sons and has been in a stable relationship with someone for the past couple of years. But for some reason she's been messaging me a lot recently on Facebook, and it's been every day for the last few days. A couple of weeks ago I offered her some advice on a couple of problems she was having and since then she seems to have kind of latched onto me...

I think it's kind of strange, because as I say, she's got a boyfriend and two kids, I get that she thought it'd be nice to re-establish contact but to be honest, I'm a little uncomfortable with how it's going now - over the last couple of days things have taken a turn for the weirder. A few nights ago she told me that she was "thinking about sex", and she just told me about her tongue piercing being "good for the bedroom... I'm good with my tongue bar"... umm sorry, what? Why are you talking to _me _about this? She also said she liked my Facebook profile photo and sent me a couple of selfies. I tried to be as non-committal as possible in my reply.

I'm not sure what she's trying to do here. I feel like I should try and distance myself a bit though, because she's in a relationship, I wouldn't be interested in her even if she wasn't, and she's starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable.


----------



## asher

10-foot-pole.


----------



## BucketheadRules

asher said:


> 10-foot-pole.



Yep. Maybe longer - do they do 30-foot ones?

More messages tonight pretty much confirm my suspicion that she's into me. I've said I'm flattered and I'm leaving it at that. I suspect she knows how f*cking mental she'd have to be to take things any further, so hopefully that'll be an end of it.

God damn, why couldn't it have been this easy with the girl I actually like


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Konfyouzd said:


> You know what? I think this thread may go away soon...


It just might die out or at least almost.People used to post here all the time during all hours of the day.Then,people started posting during night time(according to my time zone).Now,it takes days up to a week for anyone to post.


----------



## p0ke

I don't normally bother posting about my relationship stuff (well, to be honest, there hasn't been much to post ), but now I just randomly feel like posting. 

Relationships are weird... 

There's this girl I thought I was in love with but got friendzoned by, and after still not giving up she distanced herself from me. We're still friends on facebook, but I haven't seen her since last summer. Before that, we used to go to black metal shows and/or get drunk together and sometimes we'd end up having sex as well. But it never became anything more. 
Well, in retrospect it's better this way, because despite the fact that we've got similar interests (music in particular), we've got quite different values and sense of humor etc. She's also not someone I'd want to introduce to my mom and other family 
Now that I think of it, she is a friend of a girl I was trying to hit on a couple of years ago, who wasn't interested but is still a friend of mine too. Funny...

Anyways, at some point I decided to give up. And that's the turning point 
After a month or so of depression I found my current girlfriend, with whom I've been for half a year already. And we just got engaged


----------



## Steve-Om

p0ke said:


> I don't normally bother posting about my relationship stuff (well, to be honest, there hasn't been much to post ), but now I just randomly feel like posting.
> 
> Relationships are weird...
> 
> There's this girl I thought I was in love with but got friendzoned by, and after still not giving up she distanced herself from me. We're still friends on facebook, but I haven't seen her since last summer. Before that, we used to go to black metal shows and/or get drunk together and sometimes we'd end up having sex as well. But it never became anything more.
> Well, in retrospect it's better this way, because despite the fact that we've got similar interests (music in particular), we've got quite different values and sense of humor etc. She's also not someone I'd want to introduce to my mom and other family
> Now that I think of it, she is a friend of a girl I was trying to hit on a couple of years ago, who wasn't interested but is still a friend of mine too. Funny...
> 
> Anyways, at some point I decided to give up. And that's the turning point
> After a month or so of depression I found my current girlfriend, with whom I've been for half a year already. And we just got engaged




Wow that's a good turning point indeed! I'm glad you were able to get out of that spot with the other girl and are currently engaged... I guess we all need some kicking in the balls to get our sh %t straight and open our eyes.

How very difficult is it for some of us to stop over analyzing stuff and wander in the landslide of feelings and thoughts. It so hard to not let ourselves drown, specially those days when you are feeling sad and blue...

I honestly have found a good place to talk about stuff in this thread, I dearly hope that at least some of us would continue posting here, and continue to share our experiences for the benefit of others.

Everyone has had different experiences, different circumstances which some of us will find very helpful

on a side note: watched the movie Her on sunday. If anyone here (like me) is into sci-fi futuristic love dramas involving artificial intelligence...then watch it. them ninjas cutting onions in my room...

cheers everyone, let's make it to the weekend


----------



## BlackMastodon

Obsidian Soul said:


> It just might die out or at least almost.People used to post here all the time during all hours of the day.Then,people started posting during night time(according to my time zone).Now,it takes days up to a week for anyone to post.


I stopped posting about any relationship stuff I've been involved in because I think I'm cursed.  Every time I think I'm in a good place in a relationship and I post about it (usually after several drinks) things go to shit shortly after. 'Course, the last one I was involved with earlier this year I didn't post about at all but nothing came of it and we haven't talked in about a month. At the moment I'm just not bothering since I don't know where the hell I'll be (physically and mentally) in the next few months. Gotta work on myself before I try and rope someone else into this.

Anyway, I just pop in here and give advice when I can or feel it's needed.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Steve-Om said:


> I honestly have found a good place to talk about stuff in this thread, I dearly hope that at least some of us would continue posting here, and continue to share our experiences for the benefit of others.


I would help keep the thread relevant,but my current situation involves little to no experience with this topic.I have more pressing matters to attend to than deal with the opposite sex.However,I get some satisfaction out of reading everyone else's experiences.

I'll definitely post something when there's something to post,but it probably won't be anytime soon.


----------



## Steve-Om

BlackMastodon said:


> I stopped posting about any relationship stuff I've been involved in because I think I'm cursed.  Every time I think I'm in a good place in a relationship and I post about it (usually after several drinks) things go to shit shortly after. 'Course, the last one I was involved with earlier this year I didn't post about at all but nothing came of it and we haven't talked in about a month. At the moment I'm just not bothering since I don't know where the hell I'll be (physically and mentally) in the next few months. Gotta work on myself before I try and rope someone else into this.
> 
> Anyway, I just pop in here and give advice when I can or feel it's needed.



I've thought the same you know? I used to never talk to anyone about my relationships until they became serious. We always make a connection between telling people of our relationships and them going down the toilet.

But I think I'm over that, if stuff goes southward then it probably means it was never meant to happen in the first place...painful as it is, I believe that to be the truth.

And I feel you about working on yourself first, get to it and when you are ready you will feel it, and someone will come to your life like a perfectly fitting tetris piece.

Weird analogy? Dunno, it works for me ha!


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

5 months with my girlfriend yesterday 

Last week I had spring break and I went to her house in Queens for a day to meet her parents. They were very nice and welcoming. I'm going to stay down at her place for part of the summer to do an internship. I really can't wait now.


----------



## Kwert

So back in January I finally decided to sign up for an OKCupid account. After a couple weeks of no real success, I happened to receive a message from a girl who seemed pretty cool. We talked back and forth for a couple hours and decided to meet up a few days later. Two months later and things are going amazingly - what are the chances that the first date that either of us had from the site would end up turning out so successfully?


----------



## asher

Eventually I'm probably going to do that, for shiggles...


----------



## Steve-Om

Kwert said:


> So back in January I finally decided to sign up for an OKCupid account. After a couple weeks of no real success, I happened to receive a message from a girl who seemed pretty cool. We talked back and forth for a couple hours and decided to meet up a few days later. Two months later and things are going amazingly - what are the chances that the first date that either of us had from the site would end up turning out so successfully?



My brother opened a Tinder account a while ago, and was never really successful when dating girls. They were either too superficial or too serious for him

I guess you are a lucky dude! Congrats to you


----------



## Konfyouzd

Kwert said:


> So back in January I finally decided to sign up for an OKCupid account. After a couple weeks of no real success, I happened to receive a message from a girl who seemed pretty cool. We talked back and forth for a couple hours and decided to meet up a few days later. Two months later and things are going amazingly - what are the chances that the first date that either of us had from the site would end up turning out so successfully?



Hell I'm just surprised that she told you it was her first date on there and it was true... I've had a lot of women say stuff like that only for it to become all too clear they were lying almost immediately. 

Congrats.


----------



## asher

Steve-Om said:


> My brother opened a Tinder account a while ago, and was never really successful when dating girls. They were either too superficial or too serious for him
> 
> I guess you are a lucky dude! Congrats to you



I did make a Tinder for extra-shiggles, because it's so low effort to start. Been at it on and off for a couple weeks, all of one match, so meh. About what I expected 

One of my good buddies at home met his current GF on Tinder, actually, so who knows.


----------



## Steve-Om

asher said:


> I did make a Tinder for extra-shiggles, because it's so low effort to start. Been at it on and off for a couple weeks, all of one match, so meh. About what I expected
> 
> One of my good buddies at home met his current GF on Tinder, actually, so who knows.



yeah about what we expected ha!

well guys it's friday at last, so I'm just relaxing a bit at work and watching videos of the Jackson Broderick Pro 7 that I plan on buying, just to increase my GAS you know? 

I hope everyone is doing good with whatever stuff you have


----------



## Seybsnilksz

I may try to hit on a girl that recently joined the student-choir I'm in. Or at least try to talk to her. Apparently she's from the same home-town as me, so there's a conversation starter right there. 

What was it, prepare for the worst but hope for the best? How do you do that?


----------



## groverj3

Kwert said:


> So back in January I finally decided to sign up for an OKCupid account. After a couple weeks of no real success, I happened to receive a message from a girl who seemed pretty cool. We talked back and forth for a couple hours and decided to meet up a few days later. Two months later and things are going amazingly - what are the chances that the first date that either of us had from the site would end up turning out so successfully?



That's awesome! 

I made an OK Cupid account and nobody has ever responded to a message I've sent 

Not that I spend lots of time messaging people on there.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Seybsnilksz said:


> What was it, prepare for the worst but hope for the best? How do you do that?



Trying to work this out myself.

I'm going to need to tell the girl I like how I feel, soon. It's a massive weight on my mind and I feel like she deserves to know. But I'm not that hopeful that it'll turn into anything. We're pretty good friends and for a while things did look promising, but due to events in the last couple of months I now have no real idea where I stand, can't read the situation to save my life but I still like her, a lot. I'd love it to be a relationship but I'm uncertain that a) she likes me in that way and b) she wants a relationship at all.

So... I'm going to be going into it (in person) not expecting success, just concentrating on being as calm and collected as possible, telling her in a way that doesn't f*ck up our friendship by making things awkward and trying to ensure we can still be friends after she says no. But who knows, she might want to give it a shot after all. Not holding my breath.


----------



## Alberto7

asher said:


> I did make a Tinder for extra-shiggles, because it's so low effort to start. Been at it on and off for a couple weeks, all of one match, so meh. About what I expected
> 
> One of my good buddies at home met his current GF on Tinder, actually, so who knows.



A couple of days ago I re-opened my Tinder account for like the 4th time. This time around, however, I have better pictures, lower standards, I give less of a phuck, and I spend more time on it. Got a match last night, but today was a very busy day and I only had time to send her a couple of slow messages before she unmatched me.  Her pictures didn't show a lot of her (though she did look somewhat cute), she didn't have a description, and we only had Pokemon as a common interest, so, given my poor game, there was not a lot that I could make conversation out of in a hurry.  Oh well, waiting for more matches; at least knowing that I matched with someone that I showed some interest in was flattering, in some way, especially given my previous failures on Tinder. 



BucketheadRules said:


> Trying to work this out myself.
> 
> I'm going to need to tell the girl I like how I feel, soon. It's a massive weight on my mind and I feel like she deserves to know. But I'm not that hopeful that it'll turn into anything. We're pretty good friends and for a while things did look promising, but due to events in the last couple of months I now have no real idea where I stand, can't read the situation to save my life but I still like her, a lot. I'd love it to be a relationship but I'm uncertain that a) she likes me in that way and b) she wants a relationship at all.
> 
> So... I'm going to be going into it (in person) not expecting success, just concentrating on being as calm and collected as possible, telling her in a way that doesn't f*ck up our friendship by making things awkward and trying to ensure we can still be friends after she says no. But who knows, she might want to give it a shot after all. Not holding my breath.



I'd say _really_ don't hold your breath. Not because I want to be negative, but because having any expectations can only serve to be either a major let down, or an underwhelming success. Still though, I wish you the best of lucks when you tell her... I know just how hard it can be.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Seybsnilksz said:


> What was it, prepare for the worst but hope for the best? How do you do that?


Hope for the best is pretty self explanatory.I'm pretty sure you're imagining that she'll be into you after you reveal your feelings,maybe even more so than you.

Prepare for the worst is the antithesis of hope for the best.What would you do if she rejects your feelings?You have to anticipate that this could happen and do your best to make the situation as least awkward as you can whilst keeping your relationship as close to what it was before.That takes time and trial and error to know what to do depending on the other party's reaction.


----------



## ghost_of_karelia

So, I recently completed the term two project for my diploma, which involved a live performance gig at the center in Stratford. We decided to go full-out on the image thing for bonus points and we all took to the stage wearing Floki-style eye makeup and dressed fully in black. A couple of photos of this ended up circulating facebook.

I get home from the gig to find I have a random add with one mutual friend - one of the girls I did the gig with (and thus am photographed with). I think, okay, this is probably a mis-add or something. When people mistakenly add me I usually just let them do their thing and realise a few months down the line and remove me. I don't care. Anyhow, this time I had a snoop on her profile - she looked metal from the off and hey my curiosity was aroused. She was into the same music as me, loved Wintersun (immediate girl points there) and seemed generally cool. So I struck up a conversation.

We had so many things in common, and she was so cool it was unreal. She was only a year and a half younger than me, lived fairly close and was into all of the same ..... An hour or so later we had a date, and one date later we're now a couple. 

This is almost too good to be true. We're absolutely head over heels, there are no arguments, no doubts, no regrets, and we've already gone pretty far so she doesn't think I'm disgusting (I know, news to everyone right). 

I have this little creeping feeling it's all a massive practical joke and I'm going to get massively hurt at some point, but until then I don't care.


----------



## asher

Pretty sure my pictures are fine, so idfk


----------



## naw38

jarvncaredoc said:


> Floki-style eye makeup



That's the winner right there. That guy's so ....ing banging it's unbelievable. 

Wish Ragnar would go all out with the makeup though.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

Obsidian Soul said:


> Hope for the best is pretty self explanatory.I'm pretty sure you're imagining that she'll be into you after you reveal your feelings,maybe even more so than you.
> 
> Prepare for the worst is the antithesis of hope for the best.What would you do if she rejects your feelings?You have to anticipate that this could happen and do your best to make the situation as least awkward as you can whilst keeping your relationship as close to what it was before.That takes time and trial and error to know what to do depending on the other party's reaction.



Well, we don't know really know each other. I've only seen her three times (thrice? ) at the choir, and we haven't talked any. I don't even think that I have any feelings yet, but there is potential. 

Last time I got rejected my feelings had been building up for like 7 months, so this gotta be at least a little bit easier.


----------



## Mordacain

So...I've landed myself in a bit of an odd situation. I've fairly recently (last 7 months) become single after my wife of 8 years and I finally called things off after years of waning attraction. I should add that we were completely amicable and have no grudges against eachother so I've really only had to deal with the isolation and loneliness that comes from a separation and think I am ready to put myself back out there. Of course, it should bear in mind the last time I was single and in the dating world was almost entirely pre dating websites and text messages

I'm doing all the routinely normal post divorce stuff: working out, set-up dating profiles and just trying to reinsert myself in the world. I expected a rather slow ramp-up of meeting people and several bad dates with people that I only found marginally attractive; Las Vegas is not exactly a hotbed of the type of women I find attractive: smart, geeky, a bit tom-boyish. 

Oddly enough, almost immediately a single mother expressed interest a couple of weeks ago and we started texting back and forth and we very quickly setup a date. Hours later she invited me out to meet her at a country bar (not the date we setup). That seemed to go well, even though we didn't have a chance to talk (too loud and she was out with her friends who did not try to get in the way) and she confirmed that we would still have the later date. Guessing this was a predate...maybe for her friends to determine if I was a crazy stalker or not.

Fast forward to this weekend. We had continued texting (with increasingly more sexual innuendo) throughout the week and then starting from Thurs (date set for Sat) her responses seemed to be less charged and much longer apart. She did mention a massive increase in workload at her job so I just wrote it off as that and me having serious nerves. However, I was trying to iron out details for our date and those direct questions were things that she just wouldn't respond to. Day of the date rolls around and I haven't heard from her so I send her a text to confirm where we would be meeting and she tells me that she hurt herself during a corporate relay. Now, I should add she's not given me any reason to doubt her veracity but she gave me lots of information about that event and the events results are something that is published online almost as if she would anticipate that I would check up on her (I haven't yet). I can't quite say why but my spidey sense is tingling...

I've got the feeling presently that I'm providing some sexual validation for her in the wake of her divorce but not sure if she plans on starting an actual relationship with me or not. She did hide her dating profile after we started talking offline and from what I've read, women tend to do that once they've met one (or a few) partners they'd like to pursue more seriously. It doesn't help that we haven't been able to have an actual conversation yet, so I don't know much personal stuff about her. We've only covered our interests and basic stuff like our jobs in texts. To be fair, the only time I overtly mentioned talking on the phone was yesterday and she just now messaged me saying she had passed out from pain medication so she hasn't actively said no to having a conversation.

I can't tell if my skepticism is warranted or if it's just nerves and paranoia 
from lack of experience with the current dating paradigm and years of not being single. I keep telling myself to play it cool because this woman is seriously perfect for my particular desires (at least what I know as of now). So I'm leaning towards just b*tch-slapping myself into chilling out and cutting back on the texts and only responding when she texts me and just keep subtly moving to a lunch date or something where we can talk and see what each other want out of a relationship.

SO yea, SSO brothers have fun with that mess! I should mention I'm 34 and she just turned 38 (she invited me out during her birthday), so I'm not sure if that has any bearing or not.

TL;DR: MILF aggressively expressed interest, then backed off. Possibly reading too much into things


----------



## shadowlife

Mordacain said:


> TL;DR: MILF aggressively expressed interest, then backed off. Possibly reading too much into things



Maybe she met someone else she wants to check out first?
You could be "#2"
(not trying to be a dick, just thoughts that came to mind when reading your post)

Either way, you haven't even had a real conversation with her yet- move on, and if she's really interested let her make the next move.

Plenty of other fish in the sea...


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## Mordacain

shadowlife said:


> Maybe she met someone else she wants to check out first?
> You could be "#2"
> (not trying to be a dick, just thoughts that came to mind when reading your post)
> 
> Either way, you haven't even had a real conversation with her yet- move on, and if she's really interested let her make the next move.
> 
> Plenty of other fish in the sea...



Yea, I'm communicating with a few other women, if for no other reason than as distraction from focusing on this other situation.

She's been in contact a bit more today and continued escalating the innuendo so I think she is just legitimately busy. Backing off a bit (but not completely) was never a bad thing in my experience before so I doubt that could have changed in the 10 years or so since I was a free agent


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## soliloquy

life is a little messed up right now. this isn't me looking for advice, but rather me ranting. it sort of has something to do with a girl...but not really...

3 weeks ago i found out that a friend of mine tried committing suicide. that had me in all sorts of ....ed up. to make things worse, 2 other friends came up to me saying that they have been cutting. not knowing what to do, i consulted one of my friends about this, and she said that she's been cutting too...i have 3 cutters and a suicidal friend.

a bit about me, i'm the type of person that wants to save the world of its issues, even if it requires me to go through some random bs. i have a morbid need in me to help people.

during this whole debacle going on with my friends, my work decided to throw a talent show. i've NEVER preformed infront of anyone. i've NEVER done spoken words before. i wanted to challenge myself. i was busy practising, and i somehow managed to make it to the 2nd round which is for next month.

oh, and i also wanted to reach a weight loss goal. i was hell bent on reaching it. by march 15th 2015, i wanted to be 10lbs lighter (from december 31st). i was able to knock off 10lbs last week of january. i wanted to push myself further and decided to lose 20lbs in total in the same time frame. i'm proud to say that march 15th, 2015, i was able to squeeze in those 20lbs. i lost .3lbs over night. i'll take it. woot

last week. my job gave me a last minute interview for a position i've been after for almost a year. though i was confident, the heaviness of the last week of my friends cutting and trying to kill themselves, and the pressure from the talent show gave me a mini anxiety attack. it took me about 2 hours of meditation and a long shower to finally calm myself down. the interview went well. or so i thought. i didn't get the job. 

then comes wednesday. as i'm about to go see one of my friends, i get served by a law suit. my ex and i broke up 2 years ago. we had a hall booked for our wedding. the hall people are suing me, specifically, due to my signature being on the contract. 

not only do i lose the girl. i lose the finance. have a hellish time moving on as everytime i meet someone new, one issue or another comes back regarding my ex. it isn't fair to the new person, thus they bow out of my life. i do not want to deal with, nor see, nor talk to my ex regarding this. i was with her for 6 years. know her for 9 years. lost complete touch almost a year ago. i'm pretty sure she has a boyfriend. and here. i. ....ing. am. still. dealing. with. this. ..... 

i want the lawsuit to be quashed. yes, i can afford to pay in full, but i dont think they deserve anything as they double booked for another couple on the same time as my wedding was supposed to me. 

i'm tired. i'm exhausted. i'm stressed. i'm the 'relationship and life guru' for my friends, thus they keep coming to me for advice. i absorb/empathize with my friends misery, thus i'm not in a good place right now. i want to move past this.

on top of that, the few women i did meet in the last lil while, 2 of them ran away as 'i'm too nice'. yet they claim to want a 'nice gentleman that knows how to treat a lady'. go, run after the asshole. the other girl we didn't have any chemistry with, but we are still friends. i do like her. shes not into me. thats her right, i'm not pressuring her into it. she's complimented me several times on the way i treat her, and how she's never been treated with so much respect and kindness. i do meet all the criteria she looks for in a partner. but shes still not into me. annoying.....



GAH!!! i'm crumbling. i'm the type of person that stays collected and calm through out any crises. all this is too much all at once for me to maintain my calmness....


----------



## vilk

just curious why was the wedding called off


----------



## Discoqueen

I know you weren't asking for advice man, but this is the internet, so here you go! Love yourself, man. The world is not yours to burden. Granted, you seem to have a heart of gold, so respect where it's due, buddy. This has been a dark year. A kid I knew from highschool killed himself, my one friend has a special list of contacts that a therapist had her make Incase she gets close to suicide again (there was a close call a few weeks ago,) and my friend and I are both struggling with some mental health issues of our own. He says "the dark forces are winning," I say, it's been a merciless winter. Who knows, but maybe it'll help you to know there is .... going on everywhere. 

One of the things I've learned in therapy is that, 1. I am a human being, and, 2. I am not infinate. The implication of these two things is that we can only push ourselves so hard. When we stretch too thin, we rip. Maybe it is time for you to do what you can to simplify. You are in the position, though, where people are dependant on you. There are two ways to deal with this. Explain that you are struggling too. You need support. This will hopefully be what you can do, where you give something some days, and take something other days. If people are dependant on you that indicates that they take most days. This is never good for you. People who cut are most likely depressed and anxious. They (we) do not always recognize we are weighing down our friends. We just know so and so is stronger than us right now, and so and so is a friend that can be the difference at the right time. I would never ask someone to leave a friend in need in the dust, but I would tell someone to reevaluate their situation and friendships. Nothing has to end, but something has to change. 

That is ....ty with your ex man. I'm sorry to hear about that. And that lawsuit sounds like bull..... I would see if work can offer you legal advice (if they offer that sort of service,) if not, try to find an organization that can help. Lawsuits require lawyers, and they could take advantage of you if you don't go that route. I'm sorry, dude.

Life is beautiful. Congrats on your talent show victory! Courtship is strange, "man is a giddy thing."


----------



## soliloquy

vilk said:


> just curious why was the wedding called off



several reasons. part of the reason was that my dad wasn't getting along with her mom, and they were acting like children with their stupid arguments. part of the reason is that she gave me an ultimatum (one of several) to pick her over my family or else. part of the reason was her being too sensitive about everything. part of the reason was i wasn't a good communicator. part of the reason was that i'm always there to help people out, but i dont let others help me, which can make people feel isolated and they feel i'm not welcoming them. part of the reason is that i had enough of not being accepted as i was always perfecting myself but i was never good enough. i accepted her for the way she was, but i never felt that in return. part of the reason is that i started taking her for granted. 

no one particular reason why we fell apart. our parents made things worse, which was the tipping point for us.


----------



## TedEH

Discoqueen said:


> The world is not yours to burden.


----------



## RevelGTR

Officially single, after almost a one year relationship. Things were great for a while, but she had serious trust issues and ultimately I couldn't love someone who was constantly accusing me of lying. I feel good, and bought myself an Earthquaker Hoof and Chase Bliss Audio Warped Vinyl to make myself feel even better haha.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

I don't know if I ever mentioned this on here, but I met a girl in Guatemala last summer when I was visiting my friend who was living there at the time. My second night there, this girl caught my eye at the gallery my friend's art was being displayed at. Just a knockout. I'd never seen anyone that looks quite like her before. Anyway, I speak absolutely zero Spanish, but my friend picks up on what I'm thinking and just goes and tells this girl that her friend (me) likes her . I'm sitting there with my face in hand, feeling like a clown because the last thing I want is to look like a highschool kid that needs his friends to speak on his behalf. Anyway, girl comes over, says hi, and that was it. We were both in. 

I see her the next day, we go around the city to different photography events (we're both freelancers) and by the end of the night, we find ourselves trapped in an elevator at a rooftop party we end up at. Being the asshole that I am, I don't make my move. Instead I try the button one more time and the damn thing goes down to the ground floor where we get some drinks. The rest of the night is great, blah blah, and we plan to see eachother the next night.

I find myself stuck at dinner at my friend's dad's place way later than I think, and I have no way to contact her because I'm in Guatemala and fvck using my phone there. Anyway, we finish with dinner around 11 and my friend and I get in the car to head over to the bar I'm supposed to meet her at. My friend's going to spend the night at her boyfriend's place, so she drops me there. Hoping the the girl is still around, I go in. Look around, finally find her standing in a stairway being hit on by some hipster guy. She sees me and comes running. "Man, this clown was talking my ear off about some contemporary art bullsht, I was worried you weren't going to show up!". We get drinks at the bar and she tells me her friend wants to fvck some guy there, so they're going back to her place. I get in the car with them, and the other two go off into her friend's bedroom. Finally we're there alone again and I don't fvck up my chance this time. 

Boom, we see eachother every one of my last 7 days there. We say goodbye, tell eachother we'll keep in contact and all that, but who ever really knows, right? Big surprise, we've talked every day since I got home about 8 months ago. Not a single girl I've met can make me forget about her, and so we start planning to see eachother again. She wants to come visit Montreal, we make some plans, she reserves her flight, everything's going great. Today, she calls me (major long distance so I know it's something important) and given what's gone on with Guatemalan emigration lately, the Canadian embassy decided not to grant her travel visa on the grounds that they're not convinced she'll leave Canada by the date we've specified in her application. We're both gutted. 

We'd been making tentative plans to see eachother in December as well, thinking we might go to Portugal and Spain for a couple of weeks. But we both say fvck that, we're not waiting. I get on some flight websites and half and hour later, I've got my flight booked, telling her when I'll need her to pick me up at La Aurora. Back to Gautemala 3 weeks from today. Am I fvcking insane? I feel like I am. But maybe it's worth the madness and inconvenience and money considering I'd be willing to do that for her. Especially when you consider that when my cute neighbour would give me a booty call over the past few months, half the time I'd hesitate and be all "Ehhh, I have to go to the gym and wake up early tomorrow. Next time, though" 

Goddamn, I'm mad for this girl.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Haven't had a date in about three years. Decided to put myself back in the game finally about a few weeks or so ago. Been shot down...every...single...time... It's very disheartening. No reason or purpose explicitly given each time...just shot down. My confidence was kind of non-existent beforehand, but now whatever was there/left has just been annihilated.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Haven't had a date in about three years. Decided to put myself back in the game finally about a few weeks or so ago. Been shot down...every...single...time... It's very disheartening. No reason or purpose explicitly given each time...just shot down. My confident was kind of non-existent beforehand, but now whatever was there/left has just been annihilated.


You have my empathy.I don't even believe I have a chance anymore :-(


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## michu123PL

I'm on board with you guys. 3 years single, no hope for better future.


----------



## neurosis

No madness that needs cure here. You´re just living strong 




JeffFromMtl said:


> I don't know if I ever mentioned this on here, but I met a girl in Guatemala last summer when I was visiting my friend who was living there at the time. My second night there, this girl caught my eye at the gallery my friend's art was being displayed at. Just a knockout. I'd never seen anyone that looks quite like her before. Anyway, I speak absolutely zero Spanish, but my friend picks up on what I'm thinking and just goes and tells this girl that her friend (me) likes her . I'm sitting there with my face in hand, feeling like a clown because the last thing I want is to look like a highschool kid that needs his friends to speak on his behalf. Anyway, girl comes over, says hi, and that was it. We were both in.
> 
> I see her the next day, we go around the city to different photography events (we're both freelancers) and by the end of the night, we find ourselves trapped in an elevator at a rooftop party we end up at. Being the asshole that I am, I don't make my move. Instead I try the button one more time and the damn thing goes down to the ground floor where we get some drinks. The rest of the night is great, blah blah, and we plan to see eachother the next night.
> 
> I find myself stuck at dinner at my friend's dad's place way later than I think, and I have no way to contact her because I'm in Guatemala and fvck using my phone there. Anyway, we finish with dinner around 11 and my friend and I get in the car to head over to the bar I'm supposed to meet her at. My friend's going to spend the night at her boyfriend's place, so she drops me there. Hoping the the girl is still around, I go in. Look around, finally find her standing in a stairway being hit on by some hipster guy. She sees me and comes running. "Man, this clown was talking my ear off about some contemporary art bullsht, I was worried you weren't going to show up!". We get drinks at the bar and she tells me her friend wants to fvck some guy there, so they're going back to her place. I get in the car with them, and the other two go off into her friend's bedroom. Finally we're there alone again and I don't fvck up my chance this time.
> 
> Boom, we see eachother every one of my last 7 days there. We say goodbye, tell eachother we'll keep in contact and all that, but who ever really knows, right? Big surprise, we've talked every day since I got home about 8 months ago. Not a single girl I've met can make me forget about her, and so we start planning to see eachother again. She wants to come visit Montreal, we make some plans, she reserves her flight, everything's going great. Today, she calls me (major long distance so I know it's something important) and given what's gone on with Guatemalan emigration lately, the Canadian embassy decided not to grant her travel visa on the grounds that they're not convinced she'll leave Canada by the date we've specified in her application. We're both gutted.
> 
> We'd been making tentative plans to see eachother in December as well, thinking we might go to Portugal and Spain for a couple of weeks. But we both say fvck that, we're not waiting. I get on some flight websites and half and hour later, I've got my flight booked, telling her when I'll need her to pick me up at La Aurora. Back to Gautemala 3 weeks from today. Am I fvcking insane? I feel like I am. But maybe it's worth the madness and inconvenience and money considering I'd be willing to do that for her. Especially when you consider that when my cute neighbour would give me a booty call over the past few months, half the time I'd hesitate and be all "Ehhh, I have to go to the gym and wake up early tomorrow. Next time, though"
> 
> Goddamn, I'm mad for this girl.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Need to try and get something organised with the girl I'm talking to. I don't know if it'll work because she's been telling me how busy she is at work and hasn't replied once or twice before when I've asked when she's around, but she's also said a couple of times that we should see each other soon. Not sure if I'm being jerked around or not really... but it's worth another try.

For various reasons we haven't seen each other for three months and for one of those months we didn't say a word to each other (although that wasn't anything to do with me supposedly). I feel like suggesting dinner, not least because she's more likely to be free in the evenings having finished work, but is that a bit full-on? It isn't a relationship, I haven't told her how I feel yet. I think as far as she's concerned we're friends, although she might suspect something by now. So this isn't a date really, or at least I don't plan to frame it as one. I really don't know what's going on, can't read this whole situation... I don't know how friendzoned I am or how to dig myself out of it.

Anyway, dinner a good idea? Last time it was coffee and a movie, but that was just after New Year so there's been quite a gap


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## UnderTheSign

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Haven't had a date in about three years. Decided to put myself back in the game finally about a few weeks or so ago. Been shot down...every...single...time... It's very disheartening. No reason or purpose explicitly given each time...just shot down. My confidence was kind of non-existent beforehand, but now whatever was there/left has just been annihilated.


How do you approach/deal with women and dating?

And honestly I'll keep saying it, when it comes to dating confidence is key. If you don't feel you're worth it no one else will either.


----------



## Varcolac

BucketheadRules said:


> Need to try and get something organised with the girl I'm talking to. I don't know if it'll work because she's been telling me how busy she is at work and hasn't replied once or twice before when I've asked when she's around, but she's also said a couple of times that we should see each other soon. Not sure if I'm being jerked around or not really... but it's worth another try.
> 
> For various reasons we haven't seen each other for three months and for one of those months we didn't say a word to each other (although that wasn't anything to do with me supposedly). I feel like suggesting dinner, not least because she's more likely to be free in the evenings having finished work, but is that a bit full-on? It isn't a relationship, I haven't told her how I feel yet. I think as far as she's concerned we're friends, although she might suspect something by now. So this isn't a date really, or at least I don't plan to frame it as one. I really don't know what's going on, can't read this whole situation... I don't know how friendzoned I am or how to dig myself out of it.
> 
> Anyway, dinner a good idea? Last time it was coffee and a movie, but that was just after New Year so there's been quite a gap



1) The friendzone only exists in your head.
2) You're way overthinking this: Do you like her? Do you like food? Ask her to dinner. It'll only be as awkward as you make it. It's only "full on" if you build it up to be a big serious thing. Objectively it's two people eating food. At least one of them finds the other attractive. Doesn't have to be scary, doesn't have to be serious. If you think it's scary and serious, she's not going to be particularly receptive to whatever you're going to do.

Tldr: man up and go to dinner. Overthinking is unhelpful.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Varcolac said:


> 1) The friendzone only exists in your head.
> 2) You're way overthinking this: Do you like her? Do you like food? Ask her to dinner. It'll only be as awkward as you make it. It's only "full on" if you build it up to be a big serious thing. Objectively it's two people eating food. At least one of them finds the other attractive. Doesn't have to be scary, doesn't have to be serious. If you think it's scary and serious, she's not going to be particularly receptive to whatever you're going to do.
> 
> Tldr: man up and go to dinner. Overthinking is unhelpful.



Fair enough man, thanks 

I do overthink, badly. It can make things absolutely awful.

I'd appreciate it if you could explain what you're saying about the friendzone being "only in my head".


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## Emperor Guillotine

UnderTheSign said:


> How do you approach/deal with women and dating?
> 
> And honestly I'll keep saying it, when it comes to dating confidence is key. If you don't feel you're worth it no one else will either.


This is true. And last night, I went out for the first time in a long while and acted as confident as could be while still keeping things lighthearted and funny all night.

And good news, gents. As of last night, I guess I'm now in the starting stages of a (romantic) relationship with a girl whom I've been after since I first met her. Been talking a lot with her these past few days (the conversation is endless), we went out to grab a bite to eat and go to a small EDM show to hang out and see some friends, and everything just went off without a hitch by the end of the night (errr...well...morning...5:30AM...)

It's funny how life just can change like that. I was just complaining about all these years of just not feeling a relationship or getting involved (because I'm not much of a relationship guy), and then BAM! It happens. Life brings in someone you don't expect at a time when you need it most. (Right person, right time?... That has yet to be seen/proven.)

So I guess I'll be peace-ing out of here for awhile. Sometimes I find it unhealthy to share relationship info online, regardless of whether it's anonymous or not. I've seen social media annihilate relationships no problem...so I've always had a creeping feeling that forums could be the same way regardless of anonymity.


----------



## asher

Where's my BAM? 



I hope you have nothing but smooth sailing man!


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## BucketheadRules

Well I asked... all I ever get is excuses. We still talk and she has said it'd be nice to meet up again, but whenever I actually suggest something it seems to get ignored or she gives me some excuse for why she can't do it... I don't necessarily think she's lying but I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall.

Every time, I suspect more and more that she just doesn't want to see me... and I kind of want to bring that up with her.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

BucketheadRules said:


> Well I asked... all I ever get is excuses. We still talk and she has said it'd be nice to meet up again, but whenever I actually suggest something it seems to get ignored or she gives me some excuse for why she can't do it... I don't necessarily think she's lying but I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall.
> 
> Every time, I suspect more and more that she just doesn't want to see me... and I kind of want to bring that up with her.


I don't know if anyone has already told you,but I would look elsewhere.I don't mean to say to completely drop her,but it seems like you shouldn't have high expectations for this woman and that she isn't finding time to spend with you.It sounds like she doesn't even offer a date to try to make up for her decline of your offer,which gives her no obligation or penalty when she gives you the same old excuse when you offer to take her out.

It sounds like to me that you are in that position that I and many men end up in.You're in review hell.She has you put away because she knows she can just come back to you any time.Everyone wants what they can't have.

So,I propose to you to try your hand at some other chicks instead of waiting in this one woman's back pocket because she may or may not pull you out some day...


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

asher said:


> Where's my BAM?
> 
> 
> 
> I hope you have nothing but smooth sailing man!


----------



## BucketheadRules

Obsidian Soul said:


> I don't know if anyone has already told you,but I would look elsewhere.I don't mean to say to completely drop her,but it seems like you shouldn't have high expectations for this woman and that she isn't finding time to spend with you.It sounds like she doesn't even offer a date to try to make up for her decline of your offer,which gives her no obligation or penalty when she gives you the same old excuse when you offer to take her out.
> 
> It sounds like to me that you are in that position that I and many men end up in.You're in review hell.She has you put away because she knows she can just come back to you any time.Everyone wants what they can't have.
> 
> So,I propose to you to try your hand at some other chicks instead of waiting in this one woman's back pocket because she may or may not pull you out some day...



I get you man, thanks.

I've been thinking about her for so long that there's basically no-one else I'm interested in tbh, which feels weird.


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## Church2224

Ok, some fun news...

The other night my group of buddies and I went out. We had a long week working, going to school, and were just stressed. So we went and got steaks, then we went to a local bar a lot of us working class and college people attend. I ran into a friend I have not seen in a while. He brought his girl and a female friend of theirs, who is pretty damn hot. My type too, olive skin, dark hair, and a body God and the Pope would say "DAMN" to. I introduced myself to her and left them a minute later. I asked my buddies about her, as many of them went to high school with her. They all said that she was more into frat guys, not into a relationship, just wanted some D, you get the drill. I was a little disappointed but I just ignored her and hung out with my friends. 

Now, for about the next two hours she was flirting with every guy there, including some of my friends. I was sitting with my bros drinking scotch and having a cigar talking smack and relaxing. I was clean shaven, had my hair combed and was moderately dressed up, I think I looked pretty damn Church-Sexy. Well they left for a second to go grab something from the bar, so I was standing alone watching the tables we had and she comes right up to me while I was standing there. I talked to her for maybe a minute, and then she just backs her ass right up into my crotch. I put my arm around her, she turns her head at me and I go in for the kiss. Next thing I know we are in the booth near the wall macking it. After a few minutes I pay my tab, took her back to her place, got it on twice that night, and once in the morning in the shower. Side note, going at it in the shower is a mixed experience.

She is apparently wanting something with no strings attached. I am alright with this, it goes completely against what I normally do but honestly, with a girl this attractive and wanting me like this, I am willing to accept it. 

And all I did was stand their and look pretty lol.


----------



## asher




----------



## Alberto7

Right, so I'm back once again with the roommate thing. I don't even know if what I'm about to rant about belongs in this thread, but since this is where I've been posting about her, I'll continue doing so.

I think it's safe to say that I do not have feelings for her anymore, whatsoever. I've thrown out my 10-foot pole, because it ain't touching her for sh*t.

However, I can't stand her.
I get irritated whenever she opens her mouth, to the point that I can't sleep if I hear her voice, and her voice actually wakes me up in the mornings (whenever she manages to be loud of enough to get through my earplugs, which is rare). It's like a sort of trauma. I know that's my own issue to deal with, but it's where this whole ordeal has taken me... I've literally never, ever felt this kind of resentment towards anybody. 

When I last talked to her about stuff, about a month ago, I said how I made a mistake giving her an ultimatum by telling her we could never be friends. Instead, we decided to just let things go with the flow and see where that takes us. But then, when I asked her how she felt about it and what she had been thinking, she told me that she hadn't been thinking about it at all, making it seem unimportant. That kinda hurt, but I could have let it slide; I understand that she may have just wanted to move on somehow and tried not to concern herself with it too much. It was the way she worded it, though, that made me resentful afterwards. Her words were "I haven't been giving it much thought, to be honest. *You know me; I don't think when I'm on my own. I don't reflect. I don't think about stuff unless I have to*." So, what, you just never think? "unless I have to"? Is this not important enough? Did you not want any of this to be resolved without bad blood? Because that isn't what I was told after I called you out on your bullsh*t; that isn't what you were crying your eyes out about and apologizing for when I called you out for having hurt me. Screw you.

...  in any case, I tried being nice to her for a while, and did some nice, thoughtful things for her, trying to rekindle our friendship in a healthy way. However, I miscalculated and caught myself having conflicting thoughts and emotions, which lead to an anxiety attack over her again (which hadn't happened in quite a while, and which I kept to myself), and so I took my distance again, which solved part of the problem. I see how she could have taken that weirdly (if she did at all).

Something else that bothers me to no end about her is her individualistic attitude. It's fine to think that she can take on the world on her own without help, but bringing others down with her? Sorry, but no. She has been completely neglecting my other two roommates by barely talking to them, and she just comes back home from school and locks herself in her room. She can't be reached unless she wants to be reached. The world has to be there for her, but she refuses to be there for the world. My sister has given up on her and doesn't even try to talk to her anymore. Of course, once she stopped trying, they stopped talking, because my roommate is willing to throw the people around her overboard in order to satisfy her own self-indulgence.
She has also, for the last couple of days, been giving me attitude, saying stuff that makes me scream inside stuff along the lines of "this is why we could never work things out; you're an idiot and you don't care about anyone else but yourself." Last night I got a dirty look literally because I told her that tin cans don't go in the trash, but in the recycling bin, when I saw her doing just that right in front of me. We were making some small talk while we both cooked our respective dinners. Then she threw the can, and I just said "that goes in the recycling bin," very casually and without malice. There was no reason for her to look at me like that. It weirded me out, so I asked why I was being looked at funny, and all I got was "I don't want to hear it" followed by an awkward silence. I jut said "...okay?" and I finished whatever I was doing in the kitchen and left. My other roommate overheard us, and she asked what that was all about. idun feckin' kno mayne. 

Is it wrong that that kind of behavior drives me nuts? I don't feel it should. Like, it's better for me, because, if she's locked in her room, I don't have to see her, but, at the same time, it shows me how selfish she is, and it really irks me. I normally let things like these slide on other people, and I forget about it pretty quickly, but I live with the problem.
She also has other habits that never irked me when I liked her, but that now drive me totally nuts (and would drive me nuts on any of my other roommates), like not knowing how to properly wash a dish and storing them all greasy anyway, leaving food out overnight, and leaving her winter boots in the middle of the hall; all things I've pointed out several times.

Thankfully though, she IS leaving, and our landlady knows, and we ARE looking for a new roommate (and, of course, I'm staying). I just wish she'd leave sooner, because 2 and a half months seems like an awfully long time, and I don't know how much longer I'm willing to put up with her.

I realize that it is my problem on good measure, because I have a very real bias against her, but I haven't found a way to avoid feeling that way.
I keep telling myself that it'll be over soon, that someone like her isn't worth my time, or that she isn't worthy of any of my emotions, but holy crap, having to live with such an annoyance all the time is frustrating. Even when she isn't home, I know she'll be back later that night and I'll become cranky again. The only times when I'm truly happy is when she goes back to her parents' for the weekend and I don't have to expect her back for a day or two.

/rant

------

On a side note, I've concluded that Tinder is useless for me.  I've matched with a couple of super pretty girls, and have talked to them for a couple of days each, but I've had absolutely no desire to meet them. They just feel like words on a screen, and not real at all. I've unmatched a couple because I couldn't be bothered, and all the rest have unmatched me because I still couldn't be bothered. It's good for the pics though, that much I like about it. 

Trying out OKCupid now. It seems more interesting and engaging. The bad thing is, I just spend my time answering questions rather than browsing or sending out messages.  I have a feeling I'm just not gonna use this either and I'm just gonna go about my usual ways, which is just meeting friends of friends, or the odd girl in class that I happen to ask a question.


----------



## Alberto7

Church2224 said:


> And all I did was stand their and look pretty lol.


----------



## asher

You'll survive. You just need separation. Or other stuff so that her tics won't bother so much (I go through phases like that with my roomates sometimes... all in my head though, heh.)

Also, yea. Tinder is kittening useless. I've been doing it for a few weeks a couple times a day, and while I'm not right swiping anyone by any means, I've matched with exactly TWO people this whole time. One suddenly displayed 1k miles away and the other I unmatched because I considered again.

I must suck at Tinder


----------



## UnderTheSign

When I tried Tinder I set it to a 25 mile radius and all I got were American uni girls from lord knows what state. I'm at least 1500 miles and an ocean away from America... Guess you could say i wasn't lucky either


----------



## asher

I went through most of the cville ones apparently, I had to push it out to 60/65 to get any new people, which snags Richmond...


----------



## icos211

So I've got a huge thing for one of the other RA's on my staff. She's incredible. Imagine Taylor Swift with bright green eyes and the most spastic, off the wall, vulgar personality. In all the best ways. Honestly, she is the only perfect 10 I've ever seen in person. And it's not like I'm creeping on her from afar or getting all shy around her. We are great friends. We spend hours together every day. She's more perfect than I could ever wish for someone to be.

So obviously, she has a boyfriend. What other possibility is there? And they're serious, too, having already talked about marriage and the like, though he apparently claims that he won't ask her until she learns to cook, or gets the rest of her piercings removed, or grows her hair out long, or this or that or blah blah blah .... this guy. I wish she had more piercings, shorter hair, and would let me cook for her.

I want to keep being her friend, and I have no intention of changing that, but when I'm around her almost the only thing that I can think about is how I feel about her, and how much I want to be with her. I mean, overall I want her to be happy. In a perfect world I would be the one to make her happy, but if her boyfriend really does do that then I guess that I should just be glad that her life is going well. I try to be, but then I have dreams about being together, and daydream about it as well...

I know that the response that I'm going to get to this is to just go out and meet other girls. Well, that's not really a feasible option. Even if I could muster the social confidence to talk to an attractive stranger, I am drowning in homework and studying, to the point that I can barely even do my job. Being a pre-medical student as well, I have at least 5 more years of it just getting worse and worse too. 

Plus it is the end of the school year. So anyone that I met right now would just fall away over the summer just like my last girl lost interest when I had to leave to come back to college (side note: it's been 6 months and I'm still no where near over her either). Speaking of Summer, the RA girl has been trying for months to convince me to be a camp counselor with her, even going so far as to get the camp owner to change the rules about men's hair and beards. But I have already signed up for summer classes and am applying for summer jobs at the University.

In summary: I'm already crushed with stress over my studies, and being lonely and crippled by social anxiety is just adding more, especially considering the fact that I'm in love with a literally perfect coworker who is equally in love with her boyfriend.

AKA, nothing out of the ordinary on the Icos front.


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## Alberto7

asher said:


> You'll survive. You just need separation. Or other stuff so that her tics won't bother so much (I go through phases like that with my roomates sometimes... all in my head though, heh.)



Eh, it's more than just a phase with her; it's deeper than that. I have a problem with her very personality and the way she portrays herself. And, of course, there's what she did to me, which I believed I'd forgiven her for, but I haven't, apparently... I'm still pretty salty about that. She fought again for the first time in quite a while with her long-distance partner, and shortly after, she went to chill with my sister for the first time in like 3 weeks. Like she hadn't actually bothered speaking to her during that time, barely a word, because she didn't need. As soon as she ran into a problem, BAM, she expects comfort. It made my blood boil, and it ruined my night last night. That is exactly why I can't get along with her: because it's a one-way relationship. I also get overprotective and jealous when she approaches my sister, it's kind of weird. Oddly enough, my sister doesn't seem to mind that. But oh well, I just gotta keep active to keep my mind elsewhere.



asher said:


> Also, yea. Tinder is kittening useless. I've been doing it for a few weeks a couple times a day, and while I'm not right swiping anyone by any means, I've matched with exactly TWO people this whole time. One suddenly displayed 1k miles away and the other I unmatched because I considered again.
> 
> I must suck at Tinder


Meh, I've given up on Tinder. I can't take the whole online dating thing seriously, it seems.

-------

In other, better news, there's this super cute Asian girl that comes to my karate lessons. She seems to have taken a liking to me, and she's relatively clingy with me. She always sits almost uncomfortably close to me, she always asks me for advice even though we are on the same level, and just likes to initiate conversation. All of us in class went out for sushi tonight after class with our sensei, and I got to spend some time with this girl. I didn't really pull any moves, but by the end of it she cut me off and just asked me if I wanted to go play pool with her. So yeah, at least I'm getting some interest, and at least we've now agreed to see each other outside of karate class.


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## BlackMastodon

Alberto7 said:


> In other, better news, there's this super cute Asian girl that comes to my karate lessons. She seems to have taken a liking to me, and she's relatively clingy with me. She always sits almost uncomfortably close to me, she always asks me for advice even though we are on the same level, and just likes to initiate conversation. All of us in class went out for sushi tonight after class with our sensei, and I got to spend some time with this girl. I didn't really pull any moves, but by the end of it she cut me off and just asked me if I wanted to go play pool with her. So yeah, at least I'm getting some interest, and at least we've now agreed to see each other outside of karate class.


I read that as bitter news and was trying to figure out what the hell your definition of bitter was.  Hope this works out for ya, youre due for a win.


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## asher

asher said:


> I went through most of the cville ones apparently, I had to push it out to 60/65 to get any new people, which snags Richmond...



So I posted this, like a day later got a match from a really cute UVA undergrad, who then the day after just straight up messaged me. We were chatting Friday and Saturday, she seemed really interested, but it just went dead late Saturday 

IDK man.


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## UnattendedGolfcart

6 month anniversary with my girlfriend today. 

We are going out to dinner tomorrow because we're going to have a busy night. She is performing at a Relay for Life with her acapella group tonight, and then we're immediately booking it to a show that's an album release party for a band that one of our friends is in. I'm covering it for the paper so I have to be there pretty much the whole time. 

I'm so happy with her. I've never been in a relationship this long and things are going so well with us right now.


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## asher

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> 6 month anniversary with my girlfriend today.
> 
> We are going out to dinner tomorrow because we're going to have a busy night. She is performing at a Relay for Life with her acapella group tonight, and then we're immediately booking it to a show that's an album release party for a band that one of our friends is in. I'm covering it for the paper so I have to be there pretty much the whole time.
> 
> I'm so happy with her. I've never been in a relationship this long and things are going so well with us right now.



and then you have a busy night.



still no word, figured I'd send an "assuming this is dead, but if not, let's go out" message, because why not. hasn't been seen yet.


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## Alberto7

BlackMastodon said:


> I read that as bitter news and was trying to figure out what the hell your definition of bitter was.  Hope this works out for ya, youre due for a win.



LOL  nah, definitely better news. I don't know where that's going though. We've been talking through FB a bit the last few days, and she's always super busy. She's also going back to China for the summer, so no much time for bonding this summer. To add to that, apparently she's had a really rough time since she came to Montreal, and plans on going back home, so yeah... time to change her mind. 



asher said:


> So I posted this, like a day later got a match from a really cute UVA undergrad, who then the day after just straight up messaged me. We were chatting Friday and Saturday, she seemed really interested, but it just went dead late Saturday
> 
> IDK man.





asher said:


> still no word, figured I'd send an "assuming this is dead, but if not, let's go out" message, because why not. hasn't been seen yet.



Some girls never answer on Tinder. I've had this match with a super cute girl for like a month, and she still hasn't answered, and/or used Tinder since the day before we matched. I also matched another cute girl last night, but it was super late when I realized, so I postponed talking to her until I woke up today. By the time I had woken up, she had already unmatched me.


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## asher

I'm just a little confused because she initiated contact and was giving all the vibes of being interested and engaged, and then the conversation just cut off abruptly. IDK.


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## vilk

You're talking about a girl you were messaging on a dating app? I dunno why you're surprised, it's just an app on her phone probably. She downloaded it because was bored, it's fun to talk to cute people of the opposite sex, but she probably is busy doing and thinking about other things. I honestly do not believe that most women on dating apps would ever go and meet someone for a date even if they thought they would really hit it off. They download it, they think about what if I met someone from a dating app, then they go out with their friends meet someone irl face to face and delete the app later. Besides, 99% of the messages they get are just smut from creepers. It's probably really disillusioning to many girls when they enter the online dating scene. 


I've had that same thing happen to me dozens of times. And more than one time _months_ later out of nowhere they message me again and I made a date and we actually went out. 

Also, I have admittedly ignored girls who I was chatting with on a dating app just because I didn't have it in me that day/week/month to make the effort. I'm sure plenty of girls do the same thing. 

It starts off that youre horny/lonely/bored, then you chat up some potentials, and then you go and get laid the old fashioned way (or rub one out) and suddenly who gives a .... about these strangers you were sending smalltalk to. Honestly I actually just did this-- I had a girl on the line literally said she wanted to have sex with me if I'd just take her out and I still haven't done it. I'm toying with the idea of messaging her tonight but I know that once I get home and crank one out I'd rather just go have some brews with my buddies and I won't even think about women for a minute. 

tl;dr don't take it personally she probably does/would like you but you gotta realize that the internet really lends itself to flakers, myself included.


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## asher

Yeah, I'm aware of that, but given the hit rate's been stupid low, figured it was worth putting SOME effort into following up, since that's basically all I've got atm


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## BucketheadRules

asher said:


> I'm just a little confused because she initiated contact and was giving all the vibes of being interested and engaged, and then the conversation just cut off abruptly. IDK.



This hits a little close to home


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## asher

BucketheadRules said:


> This hits a little close to home


----------



## Kwert

vilk said:


> You're talking about a girl you were messaging on a dating app? I dunno why you're surprised, it's just an app on her phone probably. She downloaded it because was bored, it's fun to talk to cute people of the opposite sex, but she probably is busy doing and thinking about other things. I honestly do not believe that most women on dating apps would ever go and meet someone for a date even if they thought they would really hit it off. They download it, they think about what if I met someone from a dating app, then they go out with their friends meet someone irl face to face and delete the app later. Besides, 99% of the messages they get are just smut from creepers. It's probably really disillusioning to many girls when they enter the online dating scene.
> 
> 
> I've had that same thing happen to me dozens of times. And more than one time _months_ later out of nowhere they message me again and I made a date and we actually went out.
> 
> Also, I have admittedly ignored girls who I was chatting with on a dating app just because I didn't have it in me that day/week/month to make the effort. I'm sure plenty of girls do the same thing.
> 
> It starts off that youre horny/lonely/bored, then you chat up some potentials, and then you go and get laid the old fashioned way (or rub one out) and suddenly who gives a .... about these strangers you were sending smalltalk to. Honestly I actually just did this-- I had a girl on the line literally said she wanted to have sex with me if I'd just take her out and I still haven't done it. I'm toying with the idea of messaging her tonight but I know that once I get home and crank one out I'd rather just go have some brews with my buddies and I won't even think about women for a minute.
> 
> tl;dr don't take it personally she probably does/would like you but you gotta realize that the internet really lends itself to flakers, myself included.




I think you'd be surprised. Online dating (serious online dating, not just looking for a booty call) is extremely common these days. Many of my friends are with people they met on OkCupid. Two are engaged, three have been together for a year or longer. The girl I'm with now is amazing - I couldn't be happier - and we met online as well. Just like with anything else, it boils down to a numbers game, and you have to be willing to put the time in to get results.


edit: Also you have to remember that these people are probably talking to multiple people at once. There's a good chance that they either got disinterested with the site/app or met someone else that they clicked with and liked more.


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## Alberto7

^ Also, sites like OkCupid require a lot more effort put in them. People there are more serious about the whole online dating thing, precisely because it requires more effort, and are more likely to give you attention and see what you're all about.

On the other hand, the problem I find with Tinder is that it is so widespread, fast-paced, and requires such little (or no) effort that most people only use it to fantasize and/or as a wank bank. It reduces the user's attention span to nearly zero, and they move on rather quickly on to the next possible candidate. This is the case from what I've seen in my friends who use the app, and myself.

Something else I've noticed: at least in Montreal, most girls on OkCupid are normal-looking and seem like regular people (for the most part anyways), whereas girls on Tinder are stupid hot (I'm talking magazine-cover-hot) and all claim to be globetrotters suffering from "wanderlust" and offering +5 points for tats. Also, on Tinder, the duck-face fad hasn't died out yet, apparently.


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## OmegaSlayer

So...
My girlfriend is depressed from a long time, she has big problems in her family like her mother affected from ALS.
She's my employed and her salary is the only income of her family, together with her mother welfare payment, which wouldn't be enough for rent and stuff.
I have economic problems too as my father stole mine and my mother's money and went away with another woman, leaving me to economically take care of my mother.
So...despite our relation has been dead from sooooo long, I can't feel to leave her alone.
For 15 years I've been totally loyal to her but last July I realized I was starting to fall in love for someone, really badly.
I realized that I cared for this person too much, she's a girl I would marry every day of my life, and that she didn't deserve a lover but a 24/7 guy offering all the best, so I swallowed all that I felt and tried to have distractions to not think her.
I started to go out at night and hook girls for one nighters...sometimes we met more than once, but not more than 3 times...I got laid with a considerable amount of women in 8 months, just to avoid thinking about one that I was seeing everyday.
It seemed to work, I still felt a lot for that girl, but the feeling was dumbened enough to not do stupid things and keep distance.
Then...less than one month ago this girl told me that she was going to move to another Country very soon.
From then on...the thin, fake line on which I was trying to balance my life, totally shattered and everything crumbled down, and I've been livin' these last month constantly on the verge of crying, needing to rush at the bathroom just to start crying like a kid.
In these last days we even got closer and I'm constantly thinking her...we even went out together to dinner, something that I carefully avoided like pest.
I just want to spend every single moment I can with her these last days and possibly trying to make nothing happen.
But I feel soooo stupid for not having spent more time with her, I want to look her into her eyes and listen to every single words she says.
And I know the worse has still to come when she will leave.


----------



## Church2224

Got a date next weekend with this cute girl I met, I am pretty excited.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Well, it is over between the myself and the girl I was interested in. Oh well, what can you do...


----------



## vilk

Srsly who posts that kind of stuff on facebook. That seems personal. I don't understand why you'd try to market it to the people you know... like you're trying to slander those people? It sucks that the girl hurt your feelings, but imho it's no place of yours to try to tell your friend how he should be with women. And if how someone treats women is something you feel that strongly about then you shouldn't be friends with that guy in the first place. And if youre not friends with him, and you're not friends with her, then why are you blathering about it on a place meant for your friends?


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## Emperor Guillotine

vilk said:


> And if your not friends with him, and you're not friends with her, then why are you blathering about it on a place meant for your friends?


Good point.


----------



## russmuller

It's been a little over 2 months since my ex and I split up after 5+ years. Even though I'm not ready to have a relationship, I haven't done dating in forever so I decided I'd start back at it.

I had my first date in ages last night. I met a girl on OK Cupid and she seemed pretty cool. Seemed like she might be a little bit of a crazy bitch, but in a good way if you're not looking to tie down a girlfriend. She struck me as interesting so I invited her out for drinks. She told me to meet her at the big hipster hotspot near ASU and we had some beers and talked for a few hours. 

Things went pretty well; I had fun and she seemed like she was having a good time. We hugged goodbye and she hung on for a REALLY long time, so I kissed her on the neck and caught a quick slap to the face! lol I'm pretty sure that was a first in my dating career. It seemed playful, so I might have not blown it. Yay for learning how to date again!


----------



## youngthrasher9

I kid you not, the first crush I ever had started with a very surprising slap to the face.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Tonight I'll go out with my friend once again.
I feel so weird.
I don't know if I should tell her my feelings or not.
I don't expect to kiss her or anything...it feels so strange.
I don't want to ruin an important friendship for a kiss, I just want me and her to have the best memories of each other once we won't see again, and know that we can trust each other even if we'll be thousands of miles away.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Emperor Guillotine said:


> Well, it is over between the myself and the girl I was interested in. Oh well, what can you do...



Not a damn thing... 

In other news... Now that I've basically decided I don't wanna date anything born or raised in this area, every woman I meet is all up in my Koolaid. I think that's just spring time jitters... I'm sure they'll be interested in someone else soon enough...

I've kind of lost interest in anything beyond saying hello... 

But I also may be moving soon. I'm curious to see if folks are as terrible as what I currently know here. I've really only ever lived here so moving is both intimidating and exciting, but I'm hoping for the best (assuming I end up moving at all).


----------



## Konfyouzd

OmegaSlayer said:


> Tonight I'll go out with my friend once again.
> I feel so weird.
> I don't know if I should tell her my feelings or not.
> I don't expect to kiss her or anything...it feels so strange.
> I don't want to ruin an important friendship for a kiss, I just want me and her to have the best memories of each other once we won't see again, and know that we can trust each other even if we'll be thousands of miles away.



I've been told that if you feel a certain way about a person it's always best to simply let them know even if they don't feel the same. You get the weight off your chest and more importantly get closure which is something that remining closeted will never provide.

There are 7.5 billion people in the world. The worst any one can tell you is that they don't feel that you're compatibale (in so many words) based on any number of arbitrary criteria... 

Best case scenario she likes you too.

Worst case scenario, you make a new friend and wait til someone else catches your eye.


----------



## Konfyouzd

youngthrasher9 said:


> I kid you not, the first crush I ever had started with a very surprising slap to the face.



The last gorgeous woman that REALLY got on my nerves started off our interactions with a surprising slap to the face...

**SLAP**

"Did you just touch my ass?!"

"Umm... I didn't even know you existed until right now..."

Then later after she got a few more drinks in her she came back around being friendly... Too little too late. Glad to see someone was able to turn such a situation into a positive. 

Her goal may have been to start up a convo, but she was a bit less than clever. Pass...


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Konfyouzd said:


> I've been told that if you feel a certain way about a person it's always best to simply let them know even if they don't feel the same. You get the weight off your chest and more importantly get closure which is something that remining closeted will never provide.
> 
> There are 7.5 billion people in the world. The worst any one can tell you is that they don't feel that you're compatibale (in so many words) based on any number of arbitrary criteria...
> 
> Best case scenario she likes you too.
> 
> Worst case scenario, you make a new friend and wait til someone else catches your eye.



So we went out, and it was a really nice time.
She told me I'm the person she trusts more and that she feels "protected" by my friendship.
It's freakin' weird, we joke a lot, then when we go out we're all serious.
People in the area speculates there's something between us from how we look at each other...but I don't see anything different in her eyes.
She will leave in 20 days, and that's a fact, she's dead set on that.
Tomorrow she'll come to my place, we'll prepare dinner and search stuff on internet about her moving.
Then we decided already to go out at least for another dinner.
And today I avoided to go out with her and some friends to the disco.
I'm not an easy person and if someone would have stared at her in the wrong way it could have turned into something really really ugly.
And I'm so nervous...I would like to be every moment with her, being at work, with her just few steps away makes me feel like a lion in a cage.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Sounds like you may need distance if you feel that strongly, she's leaving soon and you guys appear to be in a "just friends" state.

How old are you guys? Has she out right said she likes you? In my experience, despite what logic may imply--the men say they trust and/or feel protected by are often the men they come to when they want to complain about and/or get advice on some other dude they actually want to date. 

Just a thought.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

Konfyouzd said:


> Has she out right said she likes you? In my experience, despite what logic may imply--the men say they trust and/or feel protected by are often the men they come to when they want to complain about and/or get advice on some other dude they actually want to date.
> 
> Just a thought.


MY SITUATION EXACTLY! 0.0


----------



## Konfyouzd

I honestly feel as though they use those to avoid saying that they dont like you in the same way because to say something other than what's asked is a more positive way of expressing a negative. 

The problem is that that sort of postivity in the hands of an admirer can be a messy mess... Adoration for a person can blind you to what's actually being said for the simple fact that you're infatuated, hopeful and have yet to hear a discouraging word.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Konfyouzd said:


> Sounds like you may need distance if you feel that strongly, she's leaving soon and you guys appear to be in a "just friends" state.
> 
> How old are you guys? Has she out right said she likes you? In my experience, despite what logic may imply--the men say they trust and/or feel protected by are often the men they come to when they want to complain about and/or get advice on some other dude they actually want to date.
> 
> Just a thought.



That's probably what it is...dunno.
There's a big age difference, I'm 37, she's 25...
I dunno anything, except she never said she likes me.
Also...big problem is she knows my gf and she said often she would never have a relation with someone already engaged (which is not what I want either, but yeah, it could have been a reason to end a relation that is dead from ages)


----------



## Konfyouzd

Well... I'm 29.

Most of the women I've dated recently have been between 20 and 28.

There's something about the middle of that range that tends to be incredibly fickle. And something toward the end of that range that reaks of desparation. 

Some men I know are able to make an arrangement like that work, but I also think that it requires that you have a certain mindset going in. If you're looking for the type of person that can be leaned on in the way that they lean on you, steer clear.

This isn't always the case, but I've found a rather high percentage of women in that age range to be this way when you're significantly older than them (and here I'm only 4 years older than some of these chicks. I can only imagine the number of times you feel your brain metaphorically slam into a brick wall).

There's just a different level of understanding and/or expectation at different age ranges.

What's weird is this:

You're a bit older than me (almost 10 years) and seem to prefer women my age. I'm 29 and prefer women your age. 

How about you come live in DC and I"ll move to Italy? Italian women are FIIIIIIIIIIIIINE... (You gotta read that like Pablo Francisco  )


----------



## cwhitey2

Konfyouzd said:


> I've kind of lost interest in anything beyond saying hello...



This is my biggest problem (other than me only really caring about myself  )


I have had so many girls hit on me, walk up grab my a$$ and stuff and I just look at them (I want to say I'm not some piece of meat..i have feelings  ) and pretty much walk away.

Last night was my first actual interaction other than saying something like 'yeah' and walking away from the convo....and I hated it.  It was freaking torture. I'm starting to think I listen to too much Black Metal


----------



## Konfyouzd

Hmm...

Definitely NOT moving--at least not yet. The companies with whom I was speaking were both just not talking the type of noise I wanna hear. That said, one of my neighbors that works near me introduced me to this FINE new chick that works--lo n behold--exactly where I do.

We talked for a bit and it turns out she and I are VERY similar in the way we think. That could either be marvelous or terrible. 

I couldn't tell if my neighbor wanted to hit on her or not, but I also know that he's married and he seemed very interested in getting us to connect. He asked me to write down my email addresses so that she could contact me in the event that she "needs help with anything" at work (which I'm sure she won't).

We'll see...

It's very odd that the moment I decide I'm going to pick up and go somewhere else, suddenly people start popping up that actually seem worthwhile... 

In fact... That one really cute lady that just joined the office came by my desk again today and we talked for a good long while... I found out that she's very lonely and tired of being single (in so many words) and I can't tell if that's just friend talk or if she was advertising, but we'll see. She talks like that a lot in the office actually... Very loudly as though she wants *someone* to know she's available... 

Oh yea... Another chick... I used to email with her back and forth all the time and she would act weird. Would respond weeks later with an irrelevant one word response, etc... Went to the Army... Just completed basic training and randomly hit me up. She's still the same, though. Will hit me up but then only respond (IMMEDIATELY at that) with one word conversation-killer responses... Bye...

Then there's ANOTHER one... She went away to college at the beginning of last semester... Every time she goes back to school she unfriends me on Facebook. When she's back in the area, I randomly get a Facebook request again... 

When it rains it pours... I just wish I was thirsty still... 

The universe is weird...


----------



## russmuller

My ex and I are trying to avoid sleeping together, but after 2 months or so of staying strong we fell off the wagon. It's not the worst thing, and we seem to be handling it well. But it's not sustainable, and it's gonna get awkward fast when one of us gets involved with someone else. That's part of the reason I went on my comical date with slappy girl this past weekend. I figured that if I have some prospects, I'm less likely to wind up at my ex's house.

Well this Wednesday I drove down to Tucson to check out the Kemper and meet up with an old college friend. We were classmates for a few of the core freshman music courses 12 years ago. She's got a good head on her shoulders and she's a lot of fun. We met for dinner at 6pm but we talked non-stop until 1:30 in the morning. It wasn't romantic or flirty, just genuine quality time catching up on the past few years of life.

This was the first time that we've both been single at the same time and she's 4 years older than I am, so I never really considered the possibility that we might make a good pair. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that she has most of the traits I'm looking for in a partner. She's really independent and responsible, but she fills her life with a lot of fun stuff- camping trips, road trips, cruises, she plays in a concert band, she takes belly-dancing classes, etc...

Regardless of any romantic aspirations, I definitely want to let our friendship grow closer because she is one of the few friends I have with their $h1t together, I enjoy her company, and she gives good advice. I'm not smitten or infatuated at this point, but I'm curious to see how the chemistry between us evolves.

I am planning to go visit her again soon. If the vibes are good, I'm just going to be upfront: tell her that above all I want to be her friend, but I think we are looking for similar things and ask if she would be interested in dating to see where it goes. I know that she has the emotional maturity to give me an honest and direct answer. I'd rather clear the air before my feelings start to run away and I start getting my hopes up or investing in fantasies.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Sounds like you like her to me and you think too damn much... I do that. Don't do that.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Also, you don't have to label everything. A rose by any other name would still be a rose. If you find someone that genuinely makes you happy on that many levels who the hell cares what you call it so long as you're both on the same page?

It couldn't hurt to at least clear the air, though just in case she's doing this with more than one person.

I've been in situations before where a friend and I found out we were sleeping w the same girl and both thought she was into us beyond getting her rocks off and chatting about random .... when she was bored. 

I don't know her (YOUR friend) but I do know that the deeper I get into adulthood, the flakier ppl seem to become.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

I must say this girl despite being 25 is MUCH more mature than the average 32-35, and friggin' brilliant.
She had quite a rough youth, poverty and such, so she grew up with great ethics and values.
She knows what's respect, sacrifice and sweating.
Damn she's the only lady I like to listen to.
I totally resonate with her on almost everything, maybe even too much...


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

No language can express my sadness right now. 

"This too shall pass."


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## Chokey Chicken

Konfyouzd said:


> Well... I'm 29.
> 
> Most of the women I've dated recently have been between 20 and 28.
> 
> There's something about the middle of that range that tends to be incredibly fickle. And something toward the end of that range that reaks of desparation.
> 
> Some men I know are able to make an arrangement like that work, but I also think that it requires that you have a certain mindset going in. If you're looking for the type of person that can be leaned on in the way that they lean on you, steer clear.
> 
> This isn't always the case, but I've found a rather high percentage of women in that age range to be this way when you're significantly older than them (and here I'm only 4 years older than some of these chicks. I can only imagine the number of times you feel your brain metaphorically slam into a brick wall).
> 
> There's just a different level of understanding and/or expectation at different age ranges.
> 
> What's weird is this:
> 
> You're a bit older than me (almost 10 years) and seem to prefer women my age. I'm 29 and prefer women your age.
> 
> How about you come live in DC and I"ll move to Italy? Italian women are FIIIIIIIIIIIIINE... (You gotta read that like Pablo Francisco  )



You're not imagining things. People in their early 20s are smug little ....s, and upon nearing 30 fear they're getting old and begin to feel desperate because their supposed "prime" is behind them. Generally speaking of course. Dudes and chicks in their 30s tend to be much more level headed and less weird. They tend to know more what they're after.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

So...yesterday I had planned a dinner with friends and invited her to come to my place and prepare dinner with me.
I had an amazing afternoon.
My mother said she hadn't seen me so happy in the last 20 years or so.
And I really was.
When I got back home we mailed each other some pics we took together.
I thanked her for the beautiful day and she replied "I'll surely miss you "
And I started to cry and went on all the night and still crying now as I type.
And I'm counting the seconds until I can phone to her to wake her up to go to work...less than 5 minutes now.


----------



## Alberto7

^ Oh boy... the way you're describing your current situation reminds a lot of what I went through with my first girlfriend when I was 14. Being madly in love with this girl and awaiting the inevitable moment when I had to leave the country, counting the very seconds until the moment came. Granted, I was 14 and she was my first girlfriend (serious OR non serious), so I knew f**kall about how to handle these things, but it was horrible anyway. We weren't together for very long either (~6 months together, and some 10 months that we knew each other), but we cherished every moment of it, just like you're doing now. Then we tried doing the whole long distance thing, but it didn't work out, and knowing I wasn't gonna go back didn't help either.

I know there is a massive age gap (I was 14 back then, you're 35), so I can't claim with any certainty that it will be the same, but I'll tell you what: I am glad she happened in my life. We did have our issues after I left, but even in retrospect now, she's one of the best friends I've ever had, and we remain very close to this day (even if communication is some times an issue, and we can go by months without talking to each other). She married in February of this year to this awesome guy that we both knew from back in high school, and I couldn't be any happier for them. It goes to show how time heals things.

If I have any advice, is that you make it count while you can, but don't let it get to you so hard. Accept the situation and be grateful for having her happen in your life. I can't tell you how, but don't let her departure get to you so badly. See it as something that _has_ to happen, and see it as a fleeting moment that you will cherish forever. Kind of like making a great friend on a trip that you'll keep in contact with, but that you likely won't see very often again. Your feelings will eventually subside and you'll be left with a great, possibly life-long friend. I am very sorry that you have to go through this. If it's anything like I imagine it to be, I understand what you're going through regarding that girl. I hope you're able to find a way to cope with it man.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

I'm so damn scared of her leaving.


----------



## russmuller

So I confessed my feelings to my friend in Tucson. I sent her an email saying that I think she's incredible and I believe we'd be good together. I have no idea how she'll respond, but I know she's seen it.

I used to be really good at romantic stuff, but those skills have atrophied from years of cynicism. I'm afraid that my email reads like I'm half way between an excited teenager and a business memo. She's smart, and I trust that she'll understand what I'm getting at.

I'm completely prepared for rejection. People don't choose their attractions, and I've turned down perfectly nice girls because I didn't think they were right for ME. So, I won't hold it against anyone if they don't think I'm right for them.

Mostly I just want to know one way or the other. If she's not interested, I won't feed into these feelings and will continue on like normal. Nothing would really be different then. To be honest, I'm more nervous about what will happen if she says yes. But I won't let my fear stop me from finding out.

Here's to hoping for the best.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Ok, my case is one way love.
I'm just a friend.
Case closed.
Back to extreme sadness 
But I will remember those moments forever.


----------



## Alberto7

^ So you told her?


----------



## russmuller

Didn't work out.


----------



## Church2224

Well, I think I met the girl I am going to marry...

Not trying to sound creepy. But I had a date yesterday with this really pretty girl from college, and she pretty much is the female version of me, and we have the same values and goals almost to the letter, it is insane! I really like her and will be seeing her soon. The weird thing is yes, she is pretty, but that is not why I like her, she is just great to talk to.


----------



## asher

All the best of luck, man.


----------



## MFB

Church2224 said:


> Well, I think I met the girl I am going to marry...
> 
> Not trying to sound creepy. But I had a date yesterday with this really pretty girl from college, and she pretty much is the female version of me, and we have the same values and goals almost to the letter, it is insane! I really like her and will be seeing her soon. The weird thing is yes, she is pretty, but that is not why I like her, she is just great to talk to.



I say this in the nicest way, give it a month and come back to that thought. I had a similar situation where I met someone, we were damn near identical (we even have the same blood-type, and we're in a 9% group, so you can imagine the rarity I'm talking) - and then I kept thinking about it; and I realized one thing: dating myself would be boring. as. fvck. You know your likes, you know your dislikes, how strongly you are on X or Y so the arguments will go in circles and it's basically like paddling a canoe with one oar for the relationship.


----------



## Church2224

MFB said:


> I say this in the nicest way, give it a month and come back to that thought. I had a similar situation where I met someone, we were damn near identical (we even have the same blood-type, and we're in a 9% group, so you can imagine the rarity I'm talking) - and then I kept thinking about it; and I realized one thing: dating myself would be boring. as. fvck. You know your likes, you know your dislikes, how strongly you are on X or Y so the arguments will go in circles and it's basically like paddling a canoe with one oar for the relationship.



Well I should put it this way, we are not exactly the same, however we have enough differences to keep it interesting. 

What I mean is she and I both want something serious, want to have a family and kids one day, are both old souls, and we have similar religious and political opinions, which I think is important for a mature relationship. It is just nice to know some one out there has the same perspective that I do. I think one of the biggest issues I have had has been going after women I am not compatible with, hooking up with random girls, and settling for relationships I was not happy with in the first place, only to later be hurt by them still. It is nice to find some one who has a similar outlook on these things that I do.

Plus I am keeping it simple. I get me and I am not going to try to figure out some one who might be completely different. Been there, done that, got the t shirt.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Alberto7 said:


> ^ So you told her?



No...my mother did.
One second I was absent at the dinner for a phone call she managed to spoil all the beans at once.
And I only got to know it yesterday when another guest told me.
Geez what an embarassment.
Anyway I talked to her.

For the uptenth time I got told that I'm special and unique for girls but they never think about me as a boyfriend.
It's incredible that girls/women either want to f. me or they consider me as their best friend.

In 37 years I never met someone that "simply" loved me.
It gets to my head badly.
That's the thing that hurts me more.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

This is quite the cuckhold post...

So, women trust a man, love him to bits, like to go out and talk with him, consider him a model for various reasons...still no idea to build a life with him, then eventually they skip from man to man, get in crap relation, divorces and stuff like that.
Can't really get what's wrong inside women's head...and this ranges from 18 years old to 40s in my experience.
I dunno, maybe they get somewhat the idea that some good men aren't good in bed?
I can't explain, I can't wrap my head around this, it tortures me.


----------



## flint757

Not to kick anyone while they're down, but when people say your good for someone else, a great guy, or I just want to be friends (or anything else along those lines) they're just trying to make an awkward situation less awkward. Rejecting someone you know isn't exactly an easy thing to do for most people. Some people are just happy with what they've got and don't care to make anything more of it. 

Look at it like how one treats and chooses their friends. I'm universally friends with all my friends (obvious I know), but some of them are better friends or I trust them more. Translate that to a potential dating situation and it's not hard to see that there is a lot of wiggle room between being best friends and being in a full blown relationship with someone. It's a pretty big step if commitment is an important variable for you.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

The point is that in my case, she told me that she cared for me BEFORE this thing happened and she told me I was the only MALE guy she likes to talk and go out with she has EVER had.
And she told me she never suspected my feelings.


----------



## flint757

OmegaSlayer said:


> The point is that in my case, she told me that she cared for me BEFORE this thing happened and she told me I was the only MALE guy she likes to talk and go out with she has EVER had.
> And she told me she never suspected my feelings.



That's definitely an odd case. If she doesn't click with anyone else why not you for sure. That last line is I think the kicker though. She had no idea you had feelings for her which likely means she meant that first part as you're a really good friend to her rather than who she wants to date. The logic makes little sense, but there are a multitude of reasons why someone might come to that conclusion. Sometimes things just don't quite click all the way.

There's a girl I used to hang with all the time and enjoyed every minute of it. We'd also talk all the time, but neither of us were really interested in actually dating or getting hitched or anything like that as we were quite incompatible in many areas despite us enjoying each others company greatly.

It sucks being rejected either way. I've had my fill of that. Hell, I'd have preferred rejection to the way some of my relationships have ended in the past. My taste in women is apparently those who lean on the deceitful side.  In hindsight I'd much rather be rejected than cheated on, but you live and learn.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

I just feel her so distant now...
That was the thing that scared me more and what happened.


----------



## UnderTheSign

OmegaSlayer said:


> This is quite the cuckhold post...
> 
> So, women trust a man, love him to bits, like to go out and talk with him, consider him a model for various reasons...still no idea to build a life with him, then eventually they skip from man to man, get in crap relation, divorces and stuff like that.
> Can't really get what's wrong inside women's head...and this ranges from 18 years old to 40s in my experience.
> I dunno, maybe they get somewhat the idea that some good men aren't good in bed?
> I can't explain, I can't wrap my head around this, it tortures me.


It sucks but there's a big difference between loving someone as a friend and loving someone as a partner. Though partners usually love each other as friend too, they're not neccesarily linked. She could consider you the best guy in the world and still not feel a romantic connection.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

^ Sums up my situation a bit right there, UnderTheSign.


----------



## vilk

I don't understand this intense, emotional, romantic love that you guys are claiming to have for people who don't like you back.

Don't get me wrong, I've had many of crushes on girls who didn't want me. Even when one of them was a "friend" and she gave me the same spiel (Let's just be friends). And even when it wasn't a friend. 

Yeah, it's a bummer, but usually as I find out my feelings aren't reciprocated I just immediately move on. It's like, I really wanna get in this door. Oh ...., the doors locked. Well, I don't have a key. What am I gonna do--stand in front of the door like a goon, or go somewhere else?

I guess what I'm saying is, what's beyond me is how you can get so *deep* into someone who doesn't even like you back. 

I mean, in my mind, if a girl doesn't like me, that directly influences whether or not I like her. Am I alone or what's the deal?


----------



## flint757

vilk said:


> ...
> 
> Yeah, it's a bummer, but usually as I find out my feelings aren't reciprocated I just immediately move on. It's like, I really wanna get in this door. Oh ...., the doors locked. Well, I don't have a key. What am I gonna do--stand in front of the door like a goon, or go somewhere else?
> 
> ...



That's the best analogy I've ever heard for that.


----------



## Konfyouzd

vilk said:


> I don't understand this intense, emotional, romantic love that you guys are claiming to have for people who don't like you back.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I've had many of crushes on girls who didn't want me. Even when one of them was a "friend" and she gave me the same spiel (Let's just be friends). And even when it wasn't a friend.
> 
> Yeah, it's a bummer, but usually as I find out my feelings aren't reciprocated I just immediately move on. It's like, I really wanna get in this door. Oh ...., the doors locked. Well, I don't have a key. What am I gonna do--stand in front of the door like a goon, or go somewhere else?
> 
> I guess what I'm saying is, what's beyond me is how you can get so *deep* into someone who doesn't even like you back.
> 
> I mean, in my mind, if a girl doesn't like me, that directly influences whether or not I like her. Am I alone or what's the deal?



Waiting too long to express your feelings is how it happens. Another reason to not procrastinate.

Consider this: how will you ever successfully coexist in a relationship if you can't be open about how you feel from the start? If it takes you that long to tell someone you're into them for fear of what they might say to something that *should* be flattering, you're gonna have a helluva time saying the things they won't want to hear.

Be confident. Be yourself. 

Being yourself is something else I've thought ab recently. I noticed a lot of ppl's personalities seem to change when certain folks come around. I can't be the only one picking up on this. Some folks might like that but perhaps others see it as a turn off.


----------



## Varcolac

flint757 said:


> That's the best analogy I've ever heard for that.





Tim Minchin said:


> And look, I'm not undervaluing what we've got when I say that given the role chaos inevitably plays in the inherently flawed notion of "fate" it's obtuse to deduce that I've found my soulmate at the age of seventeen. It's just mathematically unlikely that at a university in Perth I happened to stumble on the one girl on Earth specifically designed for me.
> 
> And if I may conjecture a further objection, love is nothing to do with destined perfection: the connection is strengthened, the affection simply grows over time like a flower. Or a mushroom. Or a guinea pig. Or a vine. Or a sponge. Or bigotry. ...or banana.
> 
> And love is made more powerful by the ongoing drama of shared experience and the synergy of a kind of symbiotic empathy or... something.
> 
> So I trust it would go without saying that I would feel really very sad if tomorrow you were to fall off something high or catch something bad, but I'm just saying I don't think you're special. I mean, I think you're special, but you fall within a bell curve.



Mr Tim Minchin, ladies and gentlemen. Slightly wordier, but set to music!



I'm not sure if the instantly-falling-in-love thing is a product of youth. I think it is, given that my adult romantic relationships have always been a growth of mutual feeling over time whereas my youthful ones were more quick to bloom and quicker to wilt.

Has to be mutual attraction whether quick or slow, otherwise you're getting a bit weird and stalkerish.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

vilk said:


> I don't understand this intense, emotional, romantic love that you guys are claiming to have for people who don't like you back.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I've had many of crushes on girls who didn't want me. Even when one of them was a "friend" and she gave me the same spiel (Let's just be friends). And even when it wasn't a friend.
> 
> Yeah, it's a bummer, but usually as I find out my feelings aren't reciprocated I just immediately move on. It's like, I really wanna get in this door. Oh ...., the doors locked. Well, I don't have a key. What am I gonna do--stand in front of the door like a goon, or go somewhere else?
> 
> I guess what I'm saying is, what's beyond me is how you can get so *deep* into someone who doesn't even like you back.
> 
> I mean, in my mind, if a girl doesn't like me, that directly influences whether or not I like her. Am I alone or what's the deal?



It's when things slowly grows.
It's when it's not love at first sight.
When you like a person more day by day and these things have to coexist with other situation.
In my case I had a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend.
Our friendship grew into that "envyronment" in which I wouldn't have betrayed my gf and wouldn't have put my nose in her relation, and she would have done the same.
Not to mention that until a couple of months ago, I had such big economic problems that I literally couldn't have even afforded to take her out to McDonald.
We had a loooong hug this morning, you know, one of those that fixes everything without the need to speak.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Update.
A common friend told her I'm suffering like a crippled horse and told me that she confessed that the letter I wrote her was beautiful and made her cry.
Today she has been "teasing me" a bit (dunno if it's the right term) but it's like she's trying to make me say nice things to her.
I'm more and more confused but...a bit more serene and happy.


----------



## Alberto7

vilk said:


> I don't understand this intense, emotional, romantic love that you guys are claiming to have for people who don't like you back.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I've had many of crushes on girls who didn't want me. Even when one of them was a "friend" and she gave me the same spiel (Let's just be friends). And even when it wasn't a friend.
> 
> Yeah, it's a bummer, but usually as I find out my feelings aren't reciprocated I just immediately move on. It's like, I really wanna get in this door. Oh ...., the doors locked. Well, I don't have a key. What am I gonna do--stand in front of the door like a goon, or go somewhere else?
> 
> I guess what I'm saying is, what's beyond me is how you can get so *deep* into someone who doesn't even like you back.
> 
> I mean, in my mind, if a girl doesn't like me, that directly influences whether or not I like her. Am I alone or what's the deal?



Meh, it depends, really. Usually when it's happened to me that the feelings aren't reciprocated, I can grow out of it. But it depends on the person. I guess with the last person I had such strong feelings for, it was a product of being exposed to her company every day, her initial impressions on me (which basically reflected exactly what I look for in a partner, and which lasted for a while until I got to know her for who she actually is), and her clinginess towards me (she considered me a best friend). I couldn't get rid of her either (I live with her), so once I found out what she was actually like and once I found out my feelings weren't reciprocated, I couldn't take enough distance from her. This made me engage in wishful thinking more than I normally do, to the point that I couldn't stop thinking about the what-ifs. Taking too long to tell her (like Konfyouzd said) also made things bottle up. That and, of course, a set of horribly misinterpreted (my fault) and misdirected (her fault) signs which gave positive feedback to my emotions. It's taken a lot to force my mind to think differently, particularly since I still live with her, and it's left me exhausted and with a fair amount of bitterness (a good part of which is irrational).

EDIT: That, and some of us just have a natural tendency to over-complicate things. As simple and ....ty as that is.

I just confirmed that distance and isolation do work wonders. I moved to a relative's place for final exam week so I could study in peace (they have a house in the suburbs, so it's nice and really quiet... and the most lovable and lively dog you'll ever meet), and wow... I feel so much better these days, even under the heavy stress of finals. I'm gonna spend some more days there after I'm done with exams to get away from my living situation for a bit, since it's got me so worn out.


----------



## Alberto7

Alberto7 said:


> Eh, it's more than just a phase with her; it's deeper than that. I have a problem with her very personality and the way she portrays herself. And, of course, there's what she did to me, which I believed I'd forgiven her for, but I haven't, apparently... I'm still pretty salty about that. She fought again for the first time in quite a while with her long-distance partner, and shortly after, she went to chill with my sister for the first time in like 3 weeks. Like she hadn't actually bothered speaking to her during that time, barely a word, because she didn't need. As soon as she ran into a problem, BAM, she expects comfort. It made my blood boil, and it ruined my night last night. That is exactly why I can't get along with her: because it's a one-way relationship. I also get overprotective and jealous when she approaches my sister, it's kind of weird. Oddly enough, my sister doesn't seem to mind that. But oh well, I just gotta keep active to keep my mind elsewhere.
> 
> 
> Meh, I've given up on Tinder. I can't take the whole online dating thing seriously, it seems.
> 
> -------
> 
> In other, better news, there's this super cute Asian girl that comes to my karate lessons. She seems to have taken a liking to me, and she's relatively clingy with me. She always sits almost uncomfortably close to me, she always asks me for advice even though we are on the same level, and just likes to initiate conversation. All of us in class went out for sushi tonight after class with our sensei, and I got to spend some time with this girl. I didn't really pull any moves, but by the end of it she cut me off and just asked me if I wanted to go play pool with her. So yeah, at least I'm getting some interest, and at least we've now agreed to see each other outside of karate class.





BlackMastodon said:


> Hope this works out for ya, youre due for a win.



Not just yet, it seems. Girl is married, and she only told me once I agreed to help her move a few things tomorrow.  No wonder I never saw the ring, since I always see her at karate. I have seen her outside of the dojo a couple of times though, but I never noticed one. Now I'm stuck helping her and her husband move s**t.  I even ditched a friend of mine to go do this instead (I told my friend in advance that I would though, and she was cool with it), because I thought I'd have a shot. Now backing out freaks me out. I guess I'm just going to be good spirited this time around after all... 

EDIT: upon further pondering, I feel I may be getting ahead of myself and getting hopeful before I should. Gotta stop that. It's a good thing to know.


----------



## broj15

Long time no post. Life has been a whirl wind the past few months (in a positive way) and I unfortunately haven't been able to get on other than to lurk but tonight here I am.

So first things first I've been out of the game for a while ( a bit over a year) not for any reason other than feeling apathetic towards relationships however I've recently met a girl that's seemed to have gotten under my skin. She comes into my store and it always really friendly. One of my female employees even confirmed that this girl is fore sure interested in me, and I know I'm interested in her. The only problem is every time I see her I get butterflies and lose all my nerve. I've spoken to her twice this week and both times blew opportunities to ask her out/get her number. I know the answer is to just man up and do it, but its harder than I remember it being. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. 

Tl;Dr: I need to man up and felt like blogposting about it.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

So...yesterday loads of things happened.
It was the last day the girl worked. Loads of tears from my side.
And...my gf ditched me with an sms.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Alberto7 said:


> Not just yet, it seems. Girl is married, and she only told me once I agreed to help her move a few things tomorrow.  No wonder I never saw the ring, since I always see her at karate. I have seen her outside of the dojo a couple of times though, but I never noticed one. Now I'm stuck helping her and her husband move s**t.  I even ditched a friend of mine to go do this instead (I told my friend in advance that I would though, and she was cool with it), because I thought I'd have a shot. Now backing out freaks me out. I guess I'm just going to be good spirited this time around after all...
> 
> EDIT: upon further pondering, I feel I may be getting ahead of myself and getting hopeful before I should. Gotta stop that. It's a good thing to know.


Ya been duped, friend.  It happens but no big deal, no reason you can't be friendly and help them out. All you can do is laugh it off and remember for next time. I've hit that age where I actually have to pay attention to whether or not a girl is wearing a ring and it's still weird to me.


----------



## piggins411

BlackMastodon said:


> I've hit that age where I actually have to pay attention to whether or not a girl is wearing a ring and it's still weird to me.



Right? One day I was talking to some girl and she mentioned she was married and I thought, "Holy ...., I actually have to notice that now. I'm growing up ."


----------



## Alberto7

BlackMastodon said:


> Ya been duped, friend.  It happens but no big deal, no reason you can't be friendly and help them out. All you can do is laugh it off and remember for next time. I've hit that age where I actually have to pay attention to whether or not a girl is wearing a ring and it's still weird to me.



Yeah, it's no biggie. It was just a "D'OH" sort of moment, but it's just funny when I think about it. She's pretty cool anyways, so I do look forward to helping them out today, regardless. I just had to change my intentions is all. 



piggins411 said:


> Right? One day I was talking to some girl and she mentioned she was married and I thought, "Holy ...., I actually have to notice that now. I'm growing up ."



They are, quite literally, beginning to put a ring on it.  That age came pretty fast and all of a sudden, too. Like I mentioned a couple of posts ago, my first girlfriend from when I was 14 (we're both 24 now) got married in February and, while I am genuinely extremely happy for her, I did have a little crisis of my own.  Like holy crap, this is a thing in my life now.

EDIT: my friend who I ditched (again, with her permission) isn't letting this go. I'll need to put up with this mockery forever nooooo  karma is a bitch haha.


----------



## vilk

Hey man, be cool with the guy and the girl and try to keep the flirty-ness going, you might find yourself getting called in for a tornado tag!

...yeah, that's not really what you're looking for I'm sure... but you're not NOT looking for it I'd assume! Or at least I wouldn't be not looking for it.


----------



## Alberto7

^ that's more double negatives than I'm comfortable with... 

...  I'll just be my usual friendly, slightly awkward self and whatever happens, happens. Not sure how I'd feel about the whole relay with someone else's wife thing tho.


----------



## vilk

Well to me it seems like there must be at least some kind of a something. You don't just ask some dude you know to help you do stuff when you have an able-bodied husband there. It could just be that they're a friendless couple kind of thing and they wanna make friends... But by having you come help her move house? See, that's the kind of thing that inherently deems repayment. It's a ....ing chore!

There's a reason you and this lady are drawn to each other despite her marital status, and that's called attraction. I'm sure that she's emotionally satisfied by her husband (or, at least I hope so.), and so if that aspect is taken care of... then that leaves... fewer possibilities 

But I know a thing some girls do is if their husband/boyfriend doesn't have any male companions, she will start bringing some around under the facade that they are _her_ friend, but really it's to give the hubby some bro-time. But yeah like I said before I feel like the whole moving house aspect of it all sorta draws away from this possibility.


There's exactly one male friend of mine that I actually think it would be cool to go to town on my gf/fiance with  ... but that's just me.


----------



## MFB

Vilk, this isn't porn. Alberto isn't gonna end up in a threesome just because he moved some furniture.


----------



## Alberto7

^ Jesus, you two sure got a bigh laugh out of me. 

I actually had a lovely time helping them. They're a great couple, and the guy was really cool too. He's a physics student, and a total nerd. He and his brother also speak Mandarin fluently, which was fascinating to me (bunch of white, blue-eyed boys from the country speaking Chinese? Holy ....). It felt great helping them out. And yeah, they definitely needed a hand.  We had her husband, his brother, and me moving gigantic furniture 3 stories down some of the scariest flights of stairs that I've ever seen. It was fun, and I made a couple of new friends. I got invited back for dinner and for their housewarming party, so they definitely paid back... not in the way vilk had in mind, unfortunately for him rofl, but they were genuinely appreciative. I don't think there's any genuine attraction between her and me like I thought before; seeing her today made me realize that that's just the way she is with people that she likes. She's just nice and lovely like that.

Goes to show that embracing situations like these can have very positive outcomes.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

So my gf took back what she said in the sms.
But I'm intentioned to end the relation.
Still she's doesn't want, she's depressed and says I'm the only one left in her life.
Situation is really sad, as I'm clearly an habit and a "shoulder" but not the guy she loves


----------



## OmegaSlayer

I fell in love so badly 
Biggest problem, I love her head muuuuuuch more than I'd want to be in her pants, and I would like a loooooot to be in her pants.
I spent the last 3 days searching on the internet pieces about friendship and love and read the signs etc...I feel like a stupid teenager.

I also would like to know what a woman could think of a man that she always considered badass, and the personification strong, starts to cry like a fountain for her.


Thought of the day
*It's hard to live with a heart that runs and a mind that holds back *


----------



## OmegaSlayer

I recorded More Than Words guitar and voice for her...through ipod cam lol
Recorded guitar first then playbacked the guitar and singed over it.

I feel like a pudding...


----------



## Konfyouzd

I really wish the women I actually liked would like me as much as the ones I don't. 

Also, why when a woman says she doesnt feel like having sex is that an immediate end of convo? But then when I say I don't want to or simply have other things to do, now we have to have a 30 min convo ab why...

Wouldn't a woman call that harassment? Why do I have to be a mindless hump-bot?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Alberto7 said:


> Not just yet, it seems. Girl is married, and she only told me once I agreed to help her move a few things tomorrow.  No wonder I never saw the ring, since I always see her at karate. I have seen her outside of the dojo a couple of times though, but I never noticed one. Now I'm stuck helping her and her husband move s**t.  I even ditched a friend of mine to go do this instead (I told my friend in advance that I would though, and she was cool with it), because I thought I'd have a shot. Now backing out freaks me out. I guess I'm just going to be good spirited this time around after all...
> 
> EDIT: upon further pondering, I feel I may be getting ahead of myself and getting hopeful before I should. Gotta stop that. It's a good thing to know.



Hell I'd back out...

"Ohh... My stomach hates me today. Can't make it."

Make up a gf and say she planned something you didn't know about thus leaving you unavailable. 

Etc...


----------



## vilk

Konfyouzd said:


> I really wish the women I actually liked would like me as much as the ones I don't.
> 
> Also, why when a woman says she doesnt feel like having sex is that an immediate end of convo? But then when I say I don't want to or simply have other things to do, now we have to have a 30 min convo ab why...
> 
> Wouldn't a woman call that harassment? Why do I have to be a mindless hump-bot?



Well, I am a mindless hump-bot, and there are quite a few of us. If this girl has mostly been with bots running our same program, she's probably genuinely confused why your hump function isn't automatically engaged.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Sex is something I've come to do more sparingly. I don't really want to have sex w someone if I don't feel like they're someone I'd be comfortable making a mistake with. 

The only thought I have is: "No matter what I do, this might make a baby," and if I can't see that person helping me with any sort of real responsibility, they're instantly sexually unattractive no matter how they strike me aesthetically. 

So I guess the problem is I think a lot.


----------



## flint757

Konfyouzd said:


> Sex is something I've come to do more sparingly. I don't really want to have sex w someone if I don't feel like they're someone I'd be comfortable making a mistake with.
> 
> The only thought I have is: "No matter what I do, this might make a baby," and if I can't see that person helping me with any sort of real responsibility, they're instantly sexually unattractive no matter how they strike me aesthetically.
> 
> So I guess the problem is I think a lot.



No, the problem is you're a grown up.

Congratulations!


----------



## Konfyouzd

It doesnt always feel like it


----------



## cwhitey2

So if you saw my last post about woman...I dont want anything to do with them 


...well the other night (monday) I was at my usual drinking spot, not many ppl there it was a weird time of day. Anyways...I'm sitting there alone waiting for my old man to show up and this SMOKING hot girl sits next...the whole bar is open  . So naturally I ignored her for about 40 min (yeah I drink alone  ) My dad strolls in...we start conversing about "pleasantly plump" girls. Now this peaked her interest because she was curious as to what a PP girl was. I just looked at her and said your not it  (she said oh thank you)...more convo ensues. (she was waiting for her 2 friends to show up)

I'm not one to hit on girls randomly..or at bar (or a girl that could be a model for that matter...and this girl could have been). But holy .......we sat there for almost 5 hours talking...and she ignored her friends the ENTIRE time they were there. They eventually just left and we were alone. Continued to talk some more. She grabbed my phone gave me her # and added me on the facebook...i told her she a ....ing gorgeous...and she ran out there  (it was late and she was a little drunk).


My point in posting this is that I was able to have a convo with a her and not get bored. We had so much in common it was crazy...and shes actually the hottest woman i have ever seen (no joke). I think im back in the game or I at least want to be for the time being hahaha Plus talking to her boosted my self esteem through the roof


----------



## Konfyouzd

cwhitey2 said:


> So if you saw my last post about woman...I dont want anything to do with them
> 
> 
> ...well the other night (monday) I was at my usual drinking spot, not many ppl there it was a weird time of day. Anyways...I'm sitting there alone waiting for my old man to show up and this SMOKING hot girl sits next...the whole bar is open  . So naturally I ignored her for about 40 min (yeah I drink alone  ) My dad strolls in...we start conversing about "pleasantly plump" girls. Now this peaked her interest because she was curious as to what a PP girl was. I just looked at her and said your not it  (she said oh thank you)...more convo ensues. (she was waiting for her 2 friends to show up)
> 
> I'm not one to hit on girls randomly..or at bar (or a girl that could be a model for that matter...and this girl could have been). But holy .......we sat there for almost 5 hours talking...and she ignored her friends the ENTIRE time they were there. They eventually just left and we were alone. Continued to talk some more. She grabbed my phone gave me her # and added me on the facebook...i told her she a ....ing gorgeous...and she ran out there  (it was late and she was a little drunk).
> 
> 
> My point in posting this is that I was able to have a convo with a her and not get bored. We had so much in common it was crazy...and shes actually the hottest woman i have ever seen (no joke). I think im back in the game or I at least want to be for the time being hahaha Plus talking to her boosted my self esteem through the roof



It's always nice meeting worthwhile people that don't behave as though they believe themselves to be some sort of commodity. Hope it continues to go well, man! I have no faith in the humans here in Northern VA.


----------



## cwhitey2

Konfyouzd said:


> It's always nice meeting worthwhile people that don't behave as though they believe themselves to be some sort of commodity. Hope it continues to go well, man! I have no faith in the humans here in Northern VA.



It was tough breaking out of my shell...the beer deff help. I just need to get to the point where i don't care what i say hahah


----------



## Alberto7

Konfyouzd said:


> Hell I'd back out...
> 
> "Ohh... My stomach hates me today. Can't make it."
> 
> Make up a gf and say she planned something you didn't know about thus leaving you unavailable.
> 
> Etc...



Meh, that was my first instinct too, and I was close to, but I had already committed, and I suck at breaking that kind of commitment. In the end it paid off to go and help them anyway.

I know better for next time though: find out if girl is taken before agreeing to helping her with whatever.  You'd figure (and I would too) that's just common sense, but it seems my p3nisbrain doesn't have much of that.

OT: didn't know even p*nis was an offensive/banned word now.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Test: ......


----------



## Konfyouzd

Okay... They're both blocked. Was gonna go all "men's rights" up in here.


----------



## asher

.... ............ ass .... .... cock ............ .... ass .... mother....ing .... come on

sauce


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## Alberto7

I nearly cried watching that


----------



## piggins411

I love Reggie Watts


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Please forgive me if I use this .gif to sum up this thread...


----------



## BucketheadRules

EDIT: Meant for happy thread, sorry.

The irony being that there's not much happy stuff going on with my relationships situation atm


----------



## asher

OmegaSlayer said:


> Please forgive me if I use this .gif to sum up this thread...



We're all trying to hump blowup dolls?


----------



## Alberto7

^^ One does not necessarily need a relationship to be happy.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

What seems to give you the most happyness, no matter how "uncommon" it is, blows up without giving you the time to realize leaving you puzzled and alone.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Alberto7 said:


> ^^ One does not necessarily need a relationship to be happy.



I've found that relationships--for me--seem to address the problem of boredom more so than happiness for me. The more I talk about myself in writing, the more I believe I might be a sociopath...


----------



## BucketheadRules

Alberto7 said:


> ^^ One does not necessarily need a relationship to be happy.



No, of course not - and I've finally reached a point of being happy with myself after spending far too long with serious self-esteem issues. I'm just getting pretty sick of being single, I want to find someone. And the real problem is that I thought I had, but that hasn't worked out... it was great at first, and I thought it could have got somewhere but it's been a slow-motion car crash for the last four or five months. And I still really like her, but I'm pretty sure she has a boyfriend now so nothing can happen, and I don't think she's interested in me anyway... we're still friends, so that's something, but I felt for a while that it could have been so much more and I'm really gutted that it hasn't turned out that way. And it's not like I didn't try my hardest either.

Basically, OmegaSlayer's most recent post here is exactly what's happened. 

Gah.


----------



## Alberto7

Konfyouzd said:


> I've found that relationships--for me--seem to address the problem of boredom more so than happiness for me. The more I talk about myself in writing, the more I believe I might be a sociopath...





I do find the idea of having someone you can be fully intimate with without having to hold back (within reason) very appealing... but I don't find it a necessity. When I feel something for someone though, it's hard for me to deny those feelings. I think it may be more physiological and less mental, though perhaps that giving too much credit to my brain.  I don't know, I'm rambling, someone stop me... I may be a sociopath, too. 



BucketheadRules said:


> No, of course not - and I've finally reached a point of being happy with myself after spending far too long with serious self-esteem issues. I'm just getting pretty sick of being single, I want to find someone. And the real problem is that I thought I had, but that hasn't worked out... it was great at first, and I thought it could have got somewhere but it's been a slow-motion car crash for the last four or five months. And I still really like her, but I'm pretty sure she has a boyfriend now so nothing can happen, and I don't think she's interested in me anyway... we're still friends, so that's something, but I felt for a while that it could have been so much more and I'm really gutted that it hasn't turned out that way. And it's not like I didn't try my hardest either.
> 
> Basically, OmegaSlayer's most recent post here is exactly what's happened.
> 
> Gah.



Yeah, I know what you meant. I just took the chance to point out the obvious. 

I still think, however, that if a relationship with someone (be it friends or otherwise) is having an overall negative impact on your life, then you're better off without that relationship, or at least distancing yourself enough so that things cool down and you can, if possible, have a normal relationship with that person again, sans the feelings.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

So...yesterday we casually met, we talked a little, we joked (she said her nose itched, I told her it was because of the kisses I wanted to give her...she called me asshole, I found it funny).
I told her I had a little gift for her (a keychain plush and a jigsaw puzzle made out the pic I posted here with the write friends 4ever), I wanted to bring it to her home after dinner and she accepted, I told her I would have called her later to know at which time.
I called her before dinner and she told me she wasn't home yet.
Then I called her 3 or 4 times until 9:30 PM but she didn't answer the call.
Then I got an sms saying that she doesn't want to meet me alone, only with other people around, that she tried to accept my "new behaviour" but couldn't.
I swear, except the kiss joke and crying when it was her last day at work, I didn't do anything different.
And I would have cried for a close FRIEND leaving anyway.
Obviously I step aside and won't contact her...still I don't realize if she was scared of me or of herself.
And I would never try to kiss someone that doesn't want.
Don't know...maybe everything is inside my head, but I kind of had a feeling that she felt something but held it back because she is set to leave.
Feeling so empty at the moment.
And the idea that my good feelings, my best feelings, hurted someone...is killing me


----------



## piggins411

I think she was just freaked out man...


----------



## OmegaSlayer

From what?
I went out with her other times, if I would have wanted to try to kiss her or something I would have already done that.
I would have never done anything without her consent.


----------



## BlackMastodon

asher said:


> We're all trying to hump blowup dolls?


----------



## Alberto7

*read in Sterling's voice*

Where the sh*t is the rep system when I need it?!


----------



## Chokey Chicken

asher said:


> .... ............ ass .... .... cock ............ .... ass .... mother....ing .... come on
> 
> sauce



First time I heard that song was this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4NubXXg5Rk

Not really a big fan of the show, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't find it funny, and surprisingly well done.

As for on topic stuff, I haven't got much. Found out that a girl a friend of mine almost pursued a while back fell into the oildale way of life, what with the meth and all. Dodged bullet right there.


----------



## tacotiklah

I kinda wanna get back into the dating game, but I'm awkward as all hell and the last time I tried meeting up with someone, it ended up being the most uncomfortable experience ever. I've been trying the 'let that special someone come to you' thing and all I'm getting is a lot of loneliness and plenty of extra time to veg on PC games. Not exactly what I wanna be doing with my life at this age.

Pic relevant:


----------



## Alberto7

That's some dark stuff


----------



## Alberto7

Ok so I'm gonna rant a little bit about my roommate again, just to let it out of my system.

Now, I have no feelings for this person any longer, nor do I wish we could ever be together anymore. I feel like I know her well enough that I can pass thatjudgement. However, when she lets her good side shine through, she is very much able to mellow me out. That's the side of her that I will always have a thing for (in a sort of "if only..." kind of way). But she can also very quickly remind me of why it is I don't like her.

Over the last week, after a very awkward and infuriating last couple of months, she decided to be nice to me again, and I bit the hook. I thought that it was about time we patch things up, and I actually felt very good and comfortable doing it. I thought she was making an effort too, and I appreciated that. We were actually talking again, almost like we used to before .... hit the fan. All of a sudden, she begins calling my other two roommates and pulling them away from me mid-conversation to talk to them. I was never allowed to know what it was. She did this a few times, until I suspected she was up to something. Then, two days ago, I overheard her conversation with one of my roommates in the room adjacent to mine (the walls are practically made of paper) saying how she was sneaking out of the country to go see her girlfriend over the long weekend, and she needed their help to screen calls from her parents. I understand why she wouldn't tell me that she'll go see her girlfriend (which, at this point, makes no sense... and she should know this, given that I've told her I don't care), but the fact that she is leaving the goddamn country and not even telling me makes me salty as f*ck. I'm her roommate, I live with her. I'm not just some dude. And it's not like she tries very hard to hide from me either; she was packing right in front of my face today, and she literally asked my other roommate at what time she could leaver her her cellphone before she left tomorrow (so they could tell her parents she was at school, or whatever), and all of that as though I was invisible. I thought we were trying to be cool again. What the hell was the point of talking to me again if you're gonna keep being shady with me? Haven't you understood yet, even after I've repeatedly told you that I do not give a flying sh!t who you are with, that this is not about your partner/love interests? That I've put that sh*t behind? It's about your damn shadiness, your self-centeredness, and your treating me as if I'm an idiot. Hell, if I had been her, I would have tried to be nice as well for a few days beforehand as a build up to letting her know that I'd leave the country for a few days, so that at least she'd know where the sh*t I was, not to tease her.

Aaahhgggg I just feel played with again. I'm glad, more than ever, that she's leaving, because, even if I am in the wrong for feeling this way, even if I'm just coo-coo up there, that's the only way it'll ever stop and that I'll ever have a chance at recovering my sanity... I swear I've become a whole different person since this whole thing started. I am very worn out.

... 

/venting


----------



## OmegaSlayer

I didn't updated much but...end of the chapter...
She leaves tomorrow
There are only rubbles of a wonderful friendship
At the end...she was telling me I didn't behaved like I did before (maybe, maybe not, maybe she had just freaked out), I didn't felt like I was behaving different but clearly saw her closure towards me (no jokes, no little funny fights, no hugs) and couldn't act spontaneously anymore, every single action I was going to do was an avalanche of question in my head and I had so much fear.
I tried to respect her spaces, to not be invasive, and at the dinner of her leaving I was just ignored, heavily ignored and that hurted me so much that I wrote her an excessively harsh message, to which she replied even more harshily but she was even right on most spot.
I visited my doctor and he's suggesting me to take mild anti-depressive pills (seurepin) and something to sleep.
I lost near 8 kg in the last 20 days and I think I slept an average of an hour per night (giving sleepless nights and some nights of sleep)


----------



## youngthrasher9

...off I go, to my favorite pub, alone.


Again.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Alberto7 said:


> Ok so I'm gonna rant a little bit about my roommate again, just to let it out of my system.
> 
> Now, I have no feelings for this person any longer, nor do I wish we could ever be together anymore. I feel like I know her well enough that I can pass thatjudgement. However, when she lets her good side shine through, she is very much able to mellow me out. That's the side of her that I will always have a thing for (in a sort of "if only..." kind of way). But she can also very quickly remind me of why it is I don't like her.
> 
> Over the last week, after a very awkward and infuriating last couple of months, she decided to be nice to me again, and I bit the hook. I thought that it was about time we patch things up, and I actually felt very good and comfortable doing it. I thought she was making an effort too, and I appreciated that. We were actually talking again, almost like we used to before .... hit the fan. All of a sudden, she begins calling my other two roommates and pulling them away from me mid-conversation to talk to them. I was never allowed to know what it was. She did this a few times, until I suspected she was up to something. Then, two days ago, I overheard her conversation with one of my roommates in the room adjacent to mine (the walls are practically made of paper) saying how she was sneaking out of the country to go see her girlfriend over the long weekend, and she needed their help to screen calls from her parents. I understand why she wouldn't tell me that she'll go see her girlfriend (which, at this point, makes no sense... and she should know this, given that I've told her I don't care), but the fact that she is leaving the goddamn country and not even telling me makes me salty as f*ck. I'm her roommate, I live with her. I'm not just some dude. And it's not like she tries very hard to hide from me either; she was packing right in front of my face today, and she literally asked my other roommate at what time she could leaver her her cellphone before she left tomorrow (so they could tell her parents she was at school, or whatever), and all of that as though I was invisible. I thought we were trying to be cool again. What the hell was the point of talking to me again if you're gonna keep being shady with me? Haven't you understood yet, even after I've repeatedly told you that I do not give a flying sh!t who you are with, that this is not about your partner/love interests? That I've put that sh*t behind? It's about your damn shadiness, your self-centeredness, and your treating me as if I'm an idiot. Hell, if I had been her, I would have tried to be nice as well for a few days beforehand as a build up to letting her know that I'd leave the country for a few days, so that at least she'd know where the sh*t I was, not to tease her.
> 
> Aaahhgggg I just feel played with again. I'm glad, more than ever, that she's leaving, because, even if I am in the wrong for feeling this way, even if I'm just coo-coo up there, that's the only way it'll ever stop and that I'll ever have a chance at recovering my sanity... I swear I've become a whole different person since this whole thing started. I am very worn out.
> 
> ...
> 
> /venting



Honestly, offended or not, I'd just wish her a safe trip and pretend it doesn't bother you. I've been a bit out of the loop with this thread, but perhaps she just doesn't feel comfortable telling you some things. It's no biggie, and in the end doesn't effect you, so don't get too worked up over it. Don't let things go sour again over something like this. Perhaps she just needs to warm up to you again. Give it time or something.


----------



## Alberto7

I'd wish her a safe trip, but I can't because she didn't tell me she was leaving. She said bye to my face as though she was going to class, suitcase in hand. I just told her to have fun in a snarky way and she left without saying anything; not even sure she heard me.

(don't murder me for that, please, I'm just venting.  I promise I didn't miss the point of what you were trying to say. )

At any rate, I'm just tired of this bipolar back-and-forth thing we've got going on where we'd be cool for some time, and then she'd find a reason to be self-absorbed and leave me on the side once more, or she'd show me attitude out of the blue and confuse me, or I'd start feeling resentful again and find a reason to hate her guts again.

Knowing me though, I will probably just make another snarky remark about it once she comes back, and I won't bring the issue back up again. I'm not even really sure I truly care where things go from here with her, as long as it doesn't keep messing with my head, really. I only care when I'm feeling nostalgic. But I'm almost positive that as soon as things become better again with her, she'll give me a reason to get angry, just like it's been happening for a couple of months, and I just can't carry on doing that forever. So, closure. Good, neutral, bad, I don't care. Just give it to me. I need a definitive course of action that I feel confident following through (yeah right, as if life had real answers.  Maybe I should just 42 things up around here).

Some times I look back and wish I hadn't been such an idiot in falling for someone like her. I'll never understand why I developed such a strong attachment to someone so unfathomably unfit for me. I'm not constantly beating myself up over it, but I can't help but wonder sometimes. After all, she never asked for me to like her and give her a hard time, but my own ego isn't so small that it lets me blame myself fully for what has happened (thankfully).

Anyway. C'est la vie. Est une putain.


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## flint757

If she truly is bipolar then beating your head against a wall over it won't get you anywhere. People who suffer true bipolar-ism are just not comprehensible on either extreme of the disorders swing.


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## Alberto7

lol no, I didn't mean she may be clinically bipolar (then again, I wouldn't know what to expect from a person with bipolar disorder, because I've never met one who was going through an episode). I just used that term to describe the kind of relationship we have atm, where things shift back and forth between cozy and downright uncomfortable. Maybe I should have used another term, like unstable friendship, or something of the sort. I blame that instability on the extreme awkwardness that the whole situation has generated, where neither of us really knows how to handle it properly.


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## russmuller

I met a girl last year through a mutual friend and I was instantly into her, but we were both in relationships so I never pursued or dwelt on it. Now that I'm a few months single and she recently kicked her latest boyfriend out, I know I'm going to kick myself HARD if I don't go for it.

More than anything, she is hysterical. The girl is seriously a riot. She makes me laugh, enjoy myself, and feel comfortable whenever she's around in a way that's exceedingly rare. She's about a year younger than I am, but she's got her life pretty well together. She has a house (with great vibes in it), a car, a good job, and a small petting zoo's worth of animals. She lives far on the other side of town, about an hour's drive from me, but I am not tied to where I'm living right now so I'm not going to let that worry me too much.

I broke up with my ex because her personality was so negative and joyless, and this girl is at the opposite end of the spectrum. She's just so down to Earth, and finds the humor in everything like I do. I met up with her for happy hour with her best friend last night; just a casual thing, but I'm definitely crushing hardcore. I really hope there's a chance of something here.


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## russmuller

SOOOO WEIRD!!!! The guy who sits right next to me at work happens to be friends with the above girl; she hangs out at his house with his girlfriend all the time. @[email protected]


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## asher

russmuller said:


> SOOOO WEIRD!!!! The guy who sits right next to me at work happens to be friends with the above girl; she hangs out at his house with his girlfriend all the time. @[email protected]



YOU'VE GOT AN IN, MAN!


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## Ibanezsam4

russmuller said:


> SOOOO WEIRD!!!! The guy who sits right next to me at work happens to be friends with the above girl; she hangs out at his house with his girlfriend all the time. @[email protected]



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ieeL9FWURM


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## Alberto7

When's the wedding?


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## OmegaSlayer

So...the day she left I rang to a friend with benefits because I had to take my head off and try to not think, not feel and mostly not fall into depression.
Dinner, sex, and after a while during the act I started crying and talking about the girl I fell in love for.
She didn't took it bad, she just asked if I had been doing it with her or thinking to someone else, I replied the truth, I wasn't thinking until the moment I had the falldown.
We were there in the bed talking like we hadn't done any time before, she said: "most of the women look for the kind and romantic man for a lifetime, then when they meet one, they either don't recognize/accept him or they get scared of men who loves them too much"

I wish my body could have a love killswitch.


----------



## russmuller

Ibanezsam4 said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ieeL9FWURM



Speaking of golden tickets... Apparently the friend who introduced us had gotten 4 tickets for them to double-date to a standup show next weekend. Since she got rid of her boyfriend, there's an extra ticket. So now I'm going in his place.  Boom! 

I'm trying to not get my hopes up, because these things almost never work out for me. But you never know til you try.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

russmuller said:


> Speaking of golden tickets... Apparently the friend who introduced us had gotten 4 tickets for them to double-date to a standup show next weekend. Since she got rid of her boyfriend, there's an extra ticket. So now I'm going in his place.  Boom!
> 
> I'm trying to not get my hopes up, because these things almost never work out for me. But you never know til you try.




Be charming, fun, and a little flirty and you'll be fine buddy  also comedy shows are great dates


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## Alberto7

^ Couldn't have said it better. Go for it man, and let us know what happens, if you so wish. Best of lucks! 



Chokey Chicken said:


> Honestly, offended or not, I'd just wish her a safe trip and pretend it doesn't bother you. I've been a bit out of the loop with this thread, but perhaps she just doesn't feel comfortable telling you some things. It's no biggie, and in the end doesn't effect you, so don't get too worked up over it. Don't let things go sour again over something like this. Perhaps she just needs to warm up to you again. Give it time or something.



I took a good deal of this advice. She came back home last night from her secret trip, and said hi to everybody except me. She literally just walked past me without even looking at me. She didn't know that I knew where she was coming back from, so she had no reason to be that way, which tells me quite a bit of how she felt about our situation. Then this morning she shut her room's door in my face as soon as she saw me walk past. Again, nobody told her I knew what she was up to, so she obviously felt uncomfortable about having kept it behind my back.

In any case, I called her out on all of it today. Both last week's secrecy and last night and today's avoidance. I'm pretty proud of how level-headed I was while still putting my foot down. I just said it was offensive, and that she didn't need to do that because I'm over whatever happened before. I also told her not to take me for an idiot, that I knew what she was up to last week. She apologized and I took the apology. I said I understood why she did it, but that she should know that she just doesn't need to go out of her way to hide things from me, as if I were a plague. I'm okay with her not wanting to tell me things, but it's sh*tty to try so hard at hiding from me, like I'm some sort of monster. I told her we were cool, but I asked her not to do it again, and to just be straight with me if she needs to. She agreed and apologized again. I asked her if she enjoyed herself, she said yes, and I made her a cup of tea. So we're good for now.

I'm pretty happy with how this turned out, regardless of what may happen in the future.

EDIT/UPDATE: I got some Tim Tams a couple of days ago, and she caught me in the kitchen warming up some milk. I made her go through the ritual of performing her first Tim Tam slam, and she loved it. Then she apologized to me again, out of her own initiative. I really appreciated that. Maybe it was the chocolate, who knows, but I'm happy.


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## OmegaSlayer

I tried to go out with the group of people we met with when she was still here in Italy.
We had free tickets for the theatre.
Mostly the people organized it for me because they already knew I would have had a big falldown after her moving to London.
Theatre was quite close to my house, near St. Peter's Church, so I went on foot.
Went past the elementary school, the house of the first girl I danced with (and I can't recall her name), lots of places tied to memories...but in my eyes there's only her, in my nose, in my ears...
I arrived early and saw all the happy people in front of the theatre and felt even worse.
I felt more alone than actually being alone...you know what Robin Williams said: 
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."
So...when my friends arrived I decided to go back home...I couldn't pull it out.

Today I took a personality test...turns out I'm an INFP, which is...terrible romantically speaking.

And...86 hours and 20 minutes since she last messaged me.


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## flint757

You've got to find a way to move on. If you don't you're going to spiral into a highly destructive cycle of depression (been there). Easier said than done I know,but you've got to make the attempt. You really should have went out with your friends despite the way you were feeling. Going home and sulking only made you feel worse. Counting the minutes between calls, visits, text, etc. isn't healthy IMO even in an actual relationship, much less one where the feelings aren't reciprocated. Despite how you feel you just need to go out and do something and attempt to be social. if being social isn't your thing then maybe start a project or read a book or something. You need to do things that essentially distract you from your feelings.


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## OmegaSlayer

I'm at work all day, had always been friendly, so loads of customers come and stay literally for ours just to talk and I must force myself to smile.
When I'm fine I'm already fed up of people and I only desire silence.
Now it's a nightmare.
I'm totally drained out of every little bit of energy to react I've left.
I can't even manage to pick up the guitar.

And I already have a selfhating personality, so all this stuff doesn't help.

Also...this seems some closure of a loop for me.
In 2011 I was facing financiary problems at work, big financiary troubles which I would have later discovered in early 2014 were due to my father stealing me money and in February 13th 2011 I had been diagnosed with a cancer between my gum and my bonecheek (which later in June 2011 was reverted to be 3 benignous tumors).
I was totally overwhelmed by stuff, depressed, gained weigth to almost 130 kg, hadn't been touching the guitar for years, and stuff...so on May 25th 2011 I attempted suicide with my car trying to break a rail at full speed and jump from a cliff, it wasn't planned, just it come out pretty out of nowhere, but in that period I started to see everything as possible way to suicide.
The atttempted failed as the rail just made my car bounce away.
That's when I decided to man up, take the problems on my shoulders and try to solve everything.
I eventually got out of depression, started playing again the guitar, lost 40 kg in few months and...to solve the financiary problems I decided to quit taking my part of my shop earnings to fill the debts.
And...fun stuff, when I started to realize I felt something for this girl in July 2014, I didn't even had the money to take her out for a dinner, that's one reason I gave up building something with her, since I couldn't offer her the life she deserved.
So yeah...all the sacrifices I made for years bite me in the back.


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## russmuller

Damn man... that's some hardcore feels. You had a hell of a rough patch there, and you deserve a lot of credit for what you've done to reclaim your life. I'm glad you're still alive, and I hope that in a few weeks these feelings will stop consuming your energy.


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## OmegaSlayer

Thanks Russ, it has been 13 years that I only live for others and I had to mostly erase my life.
I had to leave University and disband my group because I was forced into work as my girlfriend's parents lost their house since they couldn't pay their mortgage
Her mother got sick, she couldn't work and the money wasn't enough to pay.
I don't know how it works in other Countries, but in Italy if you don't pay your mortgage you get blacklisted and no one will give you the chance to rent a house since you're not reliable.
So I had to start working and rent the house for them and help them financially.
Oh, and my girlfriend's mother sickness is a slow, rare and unnamed form of ALS, and my girlfriend has been in a quite severe state of depression from 2004, I hold her dear as a sister, but can't stand the situation anymore, I feel trapped and dead.
Basically gf's mother got the disease because her parents were cousins, so...same blood, messy DNA.
Add to that the fact that the Government refused to acknowledge her disease for almost 5 years (until this February) and hadn't been paying her handicap benefits, meaning they got even more engulfed in debts.
Most of the time I just think I'm totally stupid to get up the morning and keep fighting.
It's more like inertia than real strength I suppose, or idiocy.
People asks me "how do you do it?" and I don't really know the answer, I just feel the question is wrong and should be "how much life does it cost you?"

So...will this stuff with this girl stop consuming me?
I was happy, like I never had been, for once in life...


----------



## asher

You should really look into some professional help, Omega.

I mean this in the most supportive way possible. Not that you're incapable, not that you're messed up or anything. You've got a metric fvckload on your plate, and a professional will be much more equipped than us to be able to actually help you


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## Alberto7

Exactly what asher said, dude. You seem like a very capable and intelligent person, but sometimes life gives us more than we can handle on our own, even the best of us. Seeking professional help will definitely help. You'll get out of this one, and you'll be fine after man.


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## OmegaSlayer

Thanks guys, but despite some occasional falldown I'm pretty much ok.
A professional can't help with my debts and I accepted what my situation is and working my ass hard to turn things for the better.
I was just really hoping this girl could change my life for the times to come, since she was really changing it, but things are pretty crazy.
Even from thousand of miles away she's behaving in a way that not even common friends manage to understand.
Last thing was...she blocked me on whatsapp after 6 days of my last messsage without her replying.
Message that was: "I hope you got to London safely and you're now resting well"
Bah...


----------



## asher

No offence, but the mindset you're describing isn't particularly "okay". You're obviously hurting quite a lot (and why wouldn't you be?).


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## OmegaSlayer

Yes, I'm not 100% ok, but I'm kind of anesthesized lol
I got used to this stuff.


----------



## flint757

Personally, I feel like even the most normal person could benefit from counseling. I've stopped/started counseling many times over the years and it has always been beneficial.

I know what you mean by anesthetized and for me that feeling of emptiness is equally heavy to the negative feelings. Talking to someone and learning coping mechanisms is extremely helpful.


----------



## asher

OmegaSlayer said:


> Yes, I'm not 100% ok, but I'm kind of anesthesized lol
> I got used to this stuff.







sorry, had to. excellent song though.

Feeling generally flat, emotionless, and very difficult to get interested (especially in things you previously enjoyed) are reasonably solid tells there may be a depressive episode occurring.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

They do indeed represent, but luckily they last few days.
I need to resort to a bit of rage and vent to get better unfortunately...still I don't feel as full of life as she was around.
I feel better already, but...OMG how I miss her.


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## Millul

Omega, mi dispiace per la situazione...che ti dico, se ti può aiutare a "abbassare la presisone" un attimo, scrivi pure...anche una bella paginata di madonne può aiutare a volte!


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## BucketheadRules

Ah Jesus it's all sh*t. It's just all sh*t.

You know when you fall head over heels for someone who makes it seem like she's interested for ages, then inexplicably completely cuts you off for a month, then starts talking to you again and you sort things out but it's never quite the same as it was and you don't get to see each other enough and then she gets a boyfriend before you have the chance to really tell her how you feel, because you wanted to do it in person and the opportunity never came?

That. Exactly that.

We were friends before I started feeling like this, and we're still friends and we do still talk, but I guess I won't be seeing her any time soon. I've been trying my absolute hardest to get over her, and there's another girl I'm becoming a little interested in but I don't know what will happen with that. Whether she intended it or not, I feel like she hasn't treated me well at all, and I wish I hadn't fallen so hard for her. It's really tough trying to get over her, especially thinking that she's now with someone else and I've probably missed my chance for good. I took loads of great advice from various people and I feel like I tried pretty much as hard as I could have to get something going between us, but I'm still so pissed off at myself because my best clearly wasn't good enough, and I always wonder if I could have played things differently, tried a little harder, taken a different tack... you know. It's constant overthinking, and I know how useless and damaging it is but it doesn't stop me.

It's amazing to think that six months ago, everything was going brilliantly... and now it's all gone to piss in a kettle. I still vividly remember that time a few months ago when it was amazing and it seemed like I was doing everything right, maybe that feeling's what I'm holding onto and maybe that's why this whole situation has got to me so much, even though it hasn't been like that for quite a while. Jesus, I wonder when I'll find someone who makes me feel like that again.

Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest. I'd like to say I feel better for having typed all this out, but it's actually made me feel worse.


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## asher

You did what you could and it didn't work out. Nothing was going to change it, or it already would have played out differently.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Thanks dude. Couldn't have done it without your help as well.


----------



## vilk

BucketheadRules said:


> Ah Jesus it's all sh*t. It's just all sh*t.
> 
> You know when you fall head over heels for someone who makes it seem like she's interested for ages, then inexplicably completely cuts you off for a month, then starts talking to you again and you sort things out but it's never quite the same as it was and you don't get to see each other enough and then she gets a boyfriend before you have the chance to really tell her how you feel, because you wanted to do it in person and the opportunity never came?
> 
> That. Exactly that.
> 
> We were friends before I started feeling like this, and we're still friends and we do still talk, but I guess I won't be seeing her any time soon. I've been trying my absolute hardest to get over her, and there's another girl I'm becoming a little interested in but I don't know what will happen with that. Whether she intended it or not, I feel like she hasn't treated me well at all, and I wish I hadn't fallen so hard for her. It's really tough trying to get over her, especially thinking that she's now with someone else and I've probably missed my chance for good. I took loads of great advice from various people and I feel like I tried pretty much as hard as I could have to get something going between us, but I'm still so pissed off at myself because my best clearly wasn't good enough, and I always wonder if I could have played things differently, tried a little harder, taken a different tack... you know. It's constant overthinking, and I know how useless and damaging it is but it doesn't stop me.
> 
> It's amazing to think that six months ago, everything was going brilliantly... and now it's all gone to piss in a kettle. I still vividly remember that time a few months ago when it was amazing and it seemed like I was doing everything right, maybe that feeling's what I'm holding onto and maybe that's why this whole situation has got to me so much, even though it hasn't been like that for quite a while. Jesus, I wonder when I'll find someone who makes me feel like that again.
> 
> Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest. I'd like to say I feel better for having typed all this out, but it's actually made me feel worse.



She's got no ring on her finger, bro. Hang in there. I used to have a deal like that and then over time there eventually came a period where we WERE both single and started hookin up and stuff (but by that time I was no longer into her beyond friendship).

Case in point, if you really like the girl you can always try again once she's single again... or even as soon as she has started expressing boredom with her current bf

But I'll say that if you perceive a woman to not be treating you as well as you'd like her to then I would take this to mean that you actually _dont _like her. If you can recognize such a thing, you should probably start reciporicating it. I personally don't even try to be friends let alone date people who I can tell aren't on the same friendship level with me as I am with them.


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## asher

It doesn't mean he doesn't like her, it means there's a significant mismatch in the desires each party has for the relationship (broader usage of the term).


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## BucketheadRules

^ Yeah pretty much.

I'm pretty damn sure I like her, trust me 

vilk, I see what you're saying about trying again, maybe I will if no-one else has caught my eye by then because I do feel like we get on really well and there's a fairly strong connection there, as friends at least. As well as that, I'm very attracted to her, no idea if she feels the same way about me but the way things have been in the past suggests to me that there might be a little bit of something there... it's nice to have that little crumb of hope, but at the same time it'd be incredibly unwise for me to hold my breath. So I won't... probably. I know what I'm like though 

As for the "not liking her" thing, I think I know what you mean about reciprocating it and playing it cool, I've been doing that for a while now. I used to reply as soon as possible and try to keep the conversation going constantly, but when I realised she wasn't putting the same effort into it any more, I backed right off and now I feel like things are more balanced. She's actually initiated the conversation once or twice recently when we've spoken online. 

It's not what it was though - we used to talk pretty much every day, and it always seemed like the most natural thing in the world. It still doesn't ever feel forced or awkward, but it's just not how it used to be. I think I should have made more of that period when it seemed like she really was interested. Never mind, it's a learning experience I guess. And the plot's twisted several times already, who knows where it might yet lead...

A small and ever-diminishing part of me still really wants to tell her how I've been feeling, but a very very large part of me, including all the sensible bits of my brain, thinks that course of action is way too likely to just f*ck everything up and that it'd be best if I stayed quiet.


----------



## youngthrasher9

So, does anyone have an unconventional idea on how to actually _meet_ people?


Full time job, no school, smaaall country town, etc... all this considered.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

There's people that say that once a woman's head is set there's no way to go back.
Others say that a woman's head is never set and could change in 2 minutes for no reason.
I think the truth is in the middle.
But really depends on "priorities".

Something I didn't mention in all this story.
This girl I love is flat as a surf table, and I like boobs...but mostly she has "x legs" (don't know the term in English, but I think you can figure out that the legs are not straight and the knees are closer than they should )
Well, x legs are the things that puts me off mostly in a woman, it's like kicking me in the groin, still...I love how she is, I love how she thinks, so who gives a damn about her legs, she's not only a body I'd wanted, she's the one I would have like to marry for a lifetime.
So...there's no deal about what I like/dislike physically, but for a lot of women it's not like that, until they change their priorities from "fun" to "engagement".
Being 37 I need the engagement part, not that I dislike fun obviously, but a girl that is 25...as mature as she can be...things might be different.

And...who's more reliable than a friend to start a serious solid relation?
You already know each other inside out maybe more than a couple ever will.

A lot of time you search the perfect one and you have it under your eyes but never realize.

Around the internet I found something like this: "when a man falls in love, everyone knows except the woman he fell in love for, when a woman falls in love, no one knows except her...and sometimes she doesn't even realize it"


----------



## russmuller

I'm so relieved it's finally Saturday. This week has felt very long with all of my excitement about seeing this girl tonight.

She's been on my mind so much that I even had a dream that we were dating. This is particularly strange because I rarely ever have any recollection of my dreams, and when I do they almost never involve people I know. I have a memory of us on her couch cuddling, then she said "I love you." It was incredibly vivid. I remember the warmth of her body in my arms, the nervous change in her breathing after she said it, and the blissful feeling of togetherness. I was glowing for a few hours after I woke up. It was very emotionally compelling.

There's just a lot of weird stuff going on here, but I don't think it really means anything. Somehow we've had the same friend for a decade but haven't met until we're both looking to settle down? Truth is stranger than fiction. The odd coincidence that she's friends with the dude who sits next to me at work? Alright, it's a small world sometimes. Weird romantic dreams? Yeah, I'm obviously a bit excited so it's normal to see those ideas reflected in my subconscious.

I don't really put any stock in fate, or really in woo of any kind, but man it feels like the universe is d!ck slapping me in the face with signs here.

Tonight, I'm not gonna get flowery or anything. I'm just going to enjoy myself in the moment and have fun. Whatever happens, happens.


----------



## asher

russmuller said:


> I'm so relieved it's finally Saturday. This week has felt very long with all of my excitement about seeing this girl tonight.
> 
> She's been on my mind so much that I even had a dream that we were dating. This is particularly strange because I rarely ever have any recollection of my dreams, and when I do they almost never involve people I know. I have a memory of us on her couch cuddling, then she said "I love you." It was incredibly vivid. I remember the warmth of her body in my arms, the nervous change in her breathing after she said it, and the blissful feeling of togetherness. I was glowing for a few hours after I woke up. It was very emotionally compelling.
> 
> There's just a lot of weird stuff going on here, but I don't think it really means anything. Somehow we've had the same friend for a decade but haven't met until we're both looking to settle down? Truth is stranger than fiction. The odd coincidence that she's friends with the dude who sits next to me at work? Alright, it's a small world sometimes. Weird romantic dreams? Yeah, I'm obviously a bit excited so it's normal to see those ideas reflected in my subconscious.
> 
> I don't really put any stock in fate, or really in woo of any kind, but man it feels like the universe is d!ck slapping me in the face with signs here.
> 
> Tonight, I'm not gonna get flowery or anything. I'm just going to enjoy myself in the moment and have fun. Whatever happens, happens.



Just keep yourself present (in the moment). Good luck man!


----------



## justinreagin

TechDeathWannabe said:


> 16 and 17, (I am 17, she is 16.) Not quite adult, really..
> And we asked because we wanted to, not because we had to. They probably would've all been happy if we never mentioned marriage, and waited until we were out on our own.
> (I asked her before I asked any of our parents, I do agree with you on that, at least mostly.)
> 
> And nah, not aggressive or harsh, just differing views, which is what I was hoping to see. Variety in opinions is a much better choice than living within a predetermined box at the whim of society or dictators.
> 
> (Edit:
> The question was just about asking to hold hands, rather than just doing it, and hoping it's fine.
> Thanks anyways!  )




I would tell you that you are both kids yet and have a lot of life to live and don't yet have any real clue who you are... that will come with maturity. I would just take it all a day at a time. If you're still where you are now in 5-7 years, you should then go through with it. Worry about school, establishing yourself, and building a career so you can afford a family first.


----------



## russmuller

So apparently her ex boyfriend is crazy... during 2 hours of stand up comedy, she got about 30 text messages from him going on an emotional roller coaster talking about how he's going to kill himself.

Clearly that situation needs some space for things to settle. That's okay; I'm in no rush.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Pardon me,but I have to get this off my chest.

I know I am a very socially awkward/inept person but hearing you talking about asking her father if you and your girlfriend can hold hands just dissipates any strength to any other point you were trying to make.

I can understand if you two were prepubescent, but you two are young adults.It should be common sense not to ask asinine permissions such as this.

Also,I echo what has already been stated in this thread.Focus on your education because that is less likely to leave you than a chick.You two are still young,so there is plenty of time for you two to grow apart.I wouldn't even entertain the thought of marriage until you get at least close to where you want to be financially.


----------



## Arkeion

I was with my ex for 6 years, from 14-20, until I realized she was a bitch. Not trying to say you're doomed (I hope you aren't), but people change a lot. I wasn't anywhere near the same person at 20 as I was at 18. I grew up, she didn't, and now I'm in a much better situation and I've found someone I'd devote every day of my life to.

Take everyone's advice here. Love like you're married, just don't _get married_ until you have weathered your early 20s. 

Another word of advice, from someone experiencing it now, don't be in a rush to get married. Get a good job and buy your toys first. She still nags at me for spending money, but ultimately it's _my_ money until I tie that knot 

I just dropped 3.5 grand on new gear. Do you think I could've done that if I was married with or without children? Priorities! (I did, however, buy the engagement ring. We're going on 1 year engaged, nearly 4 years together, and I'll ride that nice pretty ring until the last drop. I'm thinking I can squeeze another year out enjoying the engaged life!)


----------



## Hollowway

Do you play any team sports? Or are you involved, in some way, with a lot of other people your age on a day to day basis? I ask, because you say you're home schooled. And a lot of times home schooled kids don't develop socially at the rate that regular school kids do, because they never have any practice. Asking a dad to hold his daughter's hand is VERY socially awkward. My advice is to NOT do that. And certainly don't do it going down on one knee. That's just very awkward.

And along with everyone else here, I'd say date her all you want, do want you want with her, in terms of holding hands, etc. But you need to develop into a mature adult, and you need to give that enough time to happen. Otherwise you will for sure regret laying all these plans for marriage, your life, etc., because you'll miss out on some of the most important years of your life. Don't go to trade school in order to start earning money immediately so you can get married. If you choose trade school over college, do so because you like your trade better than anything else. Or you will wind up getting divorced from this girl you love, and will spend the rest of your life with the two of you hating each other, because you made fundamental sacrifices to your lives for each other, and have ruined the chance to be a happy couple. 

The sucky thing is that you're 17. You can't relate to any of the advice given here, and you aren't likely to listen to any of it. We're all sitting here watching a car accident about to happen, trying to help you steer to avoid it, but knowing we have no control. Every 17 year old lacks the wisdom to see this. When I was your age I wouldn't have listened to someone older, with respect to this, either. But, you asked, so I'm going to answer.


----------



## flint757

Y'all realize that post was from like 5 months ago right?


----------



## Alberto7

^ You got a point... but even if that was 5 months ago, the kid can still backtrack and listen to some newer, sound advice. (If he so happens to still read this thread...) It may be 5 months old, but the dude still has his entire life in front of him.


----------



## flint757

Alberto7 said:


> ^ You got a point... but even if that was 5 months ago, the kid can still backtrack and listen to some newer, sound advice. (If he so happens to still read this thread...) It may be 5 months old, but the dude still has his entire life in front of him.



I agree, but he hasn't posted in this thread since and it seemed like a lot of what he was intending was happening rather soon which would imply it probably already occurred.

I'm all for sound advice, but I don't think anyone responding was aware of how long ago that was posted due to someone necro-quoting (is that a thing?).


----------



## Alberto7

flint757 said:


> I agree, but he hasn't posted in this thread since and it seemed like a lot of what he was intending was happening rather soon which would imply it probably already occurred.
> 
> I'm all for sound advice, but I don't think anyone responding was aware of how long ago that was posted due to someone necro-quoting (is that a thing?).



Apparently it is a thing!  But yeah, I see what you're saying. I just hope he comes back at some point and reads what people have said now. (Doubtful, but one can hope, I suppose)


----------



## Alberto7

Update on roommate situation.

Since we've been talking and getting along very well the last few days, we decided to go out for a couple of beers and some tacos tonight. We both had a blast, and talked for hours. She'll be leaving us soon, too, so we started reminiscing on this past year and, of course, things came up. She told me how what she did in February has been (and I quote) haunting her every minute of every day since then, how bad she feels about it, and how sorry she is. The things she told me about how she's been feeling really got to me. We talked things out and we got along perfectly fine. We both kept telling each other how glad and happy we were that we were able to finally work things out, and that we were out eating and drinking just like we used to before sh1t hit the fan. We even talked at length about her personal life and her relationship, and it wasn't uncomfortable whatsoever. She also showed a lot of personal development since things happened, which makes me happy too. Then we came back home and we played some drunk darts for a little bit, and then we hugged it out, we both went to our rooms, and here I am typing this.

Despite the things everything that's happened, I wouldn't change anything. I feel like this is finally the closure I've been looking for. I hope things stay like this from here on out, because it's hard to describe just how relieved and happy I am about this whole thing. With all of that said, I do think I'll always have a thing for her in a more platonic way, but finally accepting and coming to terms with the knd of relationship that we ought to have makes that acceptable in my book. She's not the only girl I hold that dear, and I get along perfectly fine with the other people I have those feelings for, so I don't see this going wrong.

All in all, I am currently very happy.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

That's certainly really good to hear. I seem to recall you and her were pretty close friends before this whole thing happened. It's cool that things leveled off and I wish you the best!


----------



## asher

Alberto:


----------



## Alberto7

^ LOOOOOL  that made me chuckle very audibly 

But yeah, pretty much haha. Thanks a lot guys.  I've been ecstatic since then, verging on emotional, just at the thought that it's all over and that I have my friend back, but without any of the toxicity from before. We were, indeed, pretty close, and I'm glad that now there exists a real chance of that happening once more, but in a more genuine way.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

I think I've been totally nerfed instead


----------



## asher

OmegaSlayer said:


> I think I've been totally nerfed instead



Say it with me now:

_I am the nerf bat. I am the nerf bat. I am the nerf bat!_


----------



## Skyblue

I kind of had these thoughts lately that even if I were in a situation where I'd be interested in dating someone, I wouldn't know how to even approach it, or what to do from there and on. 
I've always had (and still have) trouble with conversations, and with girls it's even harder for me. If I happen to meet a new girl at work for example, It'll take me literally weeks to muster up the courage to ask her if she'd like to do anything, and I'll probably get chocked up trying to do it anyway (true story bruh). It's obviously stupid, and logically I tell myself "just do it, what the worst that can happen? she'll say no? bug fluffing deal" which I know is completely true (and exactly what happened the last time I tried) but that still doesn't help me get over the anxiety. 
I'm starting to sink into the "If I'll ask her out and she'll say no we won't be together for sure, but if I'll never ask I'll always have the fantasy!" kind of thinking. yes, it's stupid, but I can't really help it. 

And on the other hand a girl from my poetry course told me to let her know if I'll be looking for a partner for my trip in NZ this december, and while I'm not the moment I'm still kinda quietly freaking out about it in my mind. 

end of sorta-rant.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

*I am the nerf butt. I am the nerf butt. I am the nerf butt!*


----------



## Konfyouzd

Well...

What do you actually want?

-Do you want women to show you attention to fuel your sense of self worth?
-Do you want to casually date around?
-Do you want to date someone seriously/exclusively?
-Do you not even know? (That's perfectly okay. Most ppl are less sure than they'll tell you)

Figuring that out will be the first step in correcting your inability to speak to new women. Another thing would be just learning to approach all people the same. It shouldn't matter if you want to know what time it is or what a person is doing at happy hour. If you have something you'd like the ask the person, simply walk up and ask.

Most people now are too busy trying to be politically correct to even dare risking saying something even remotely offensive so as you said, worst case scenario, you're in more or less the same boat you started in.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

I get what you mean skyblue, I'm more or less the same...with girl I'm interested in something more than sex.
When it's all about sex I don't have problems with girls and I'm totally cocky, when I feel something for a girl, I hardly manage to speak.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I have a problem talking to anybody I don't know because I'm shy/have social anxiety.

What's up with women my mom's age(30-something's) complimenting/hitting on me?lol...


----------



## asher

Obsidian Soul said:


> I have a problem talking to anybody I don't know because I'm shy/have social anxiety.
> 
> What's up with women my mom's age(30-something's) complimenting/hitting on me?lol...



You're cougar bait?


----------



## Alberto7

Obsidian Soul said:


> I have a problem talking to anybody I don't know because I'm shy/have social anxiety.
> 
> What's up with women my mom's age(30-something's) complimenting/hitting on me?lol...



I don't know if it's a middle-ages thing, but all of my mom's friends (40's to 50's) adore me and tell me how handsome they think I am. It makes me feel weird, because it's only women their age that tell me these things and none around my age.


----------



## OmegaSlayer




----------



## flint757

I think the thoughts they have likely people your age have too its just that women at their age have nothing really to lose in expressing themselves openly, especially if they don't actually think something is going to come of it.

I'm that way sometimes. Way more likable and flirty when nothing is going to happen and I know it ahead of time. 

I also enjoy a challenge though...


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Alberto7 said:


> I don't know if it's a middle-ages thing, but all of my mom's friends (40's to 50's) adore me and tell me how handsome they think I am. It makes me feel weird, because it's only women their age that tell me these things and none around my age.


Here's their classic comment:"If I was your age/if I was x years younger..."


----------



## Konfyouzd

Alberto7 said:


> I don't know if it's a middle-ages thing, but all of my mom's friends (40's to 50's) adore me and tell me how handsome they think I am. It makes me feel weird, because it's only women their age that tell me these things and none around my age.



What flint said...

I've noticed that when a woman seems like she likes me, it's often her being nice. And the ones that actually like me either don't say anything at all or they seem overly anxious like they've never talked to a man before...


----------



## Skyblue

Konfyouzd said:


> Well...
> 
> What do you actually want?
> 
> -Do you want women to show you attention to fuel your sense of self worth?
> -Do you want to casually date around?
> -Do you want to date someone seriously/exclusively?
> -Do you not even know? (That's perfectly okay. Most ppl are less sure than they'll tell you)
> 
> Figuring that out will be the first step in correcting your inability to speak to new women. Another thing would be just learning to approach all people the same. It shouldn't matter if you want to know what time it is or what a person is doing at happy hour. If you have something you'd like the ask the person, simply walk up and ask.
> 
> Most people now are too busy trying to be politically correct to even dare risking saying something even remotely offensive so as you said, worst case scenario, you're in more or less the same boat you started in.



I definitely want to have a serious relationship. I'm looking for a girlfriend, an no casual sex or anything (I wouldn't say no to some, but I'm really not the person to look for it)

I'm completely stuck in a sort of loop where I know the anxiety is stupid, but I still can't get rid of it, which makes me feel stupid, which just makes it worse and so on...

I had a sorta-long term relationship about 3 years ago, and since it ended I had 1 date (after which the girl told me she's not really looking for a bf right now- fair enough, not holding anything against her) 
I really want that again- sharing your life with someone, having fun with them- especially since my own life is rather lonely at the moment. 




OmegaSlayer said:


> I get what you mean skyblue, I'm more or less the same...with girl I'm interested in something more than sex.
> When it's all about sex I don't have problems with girls and I'm totally cocky, when I feel something for a girl, I hardly manage to speak.



Yeah, well, I'm like that ALL the time, sex or no sex.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

So...yesterday has been 2 weeks since she left for London, I managed to gain back some (hypocrite) smile and strength.
Yesterday it was gone once again.
Nerfed again.

Also, yesterday her mother, who is the care-giver of one of my customer, came to my store.
She knows about what I feel for her daughter, so I totally felt embarasse and silent and didn't had the guts, strength, buttface to ask her to say hi to her from my behalf or ask how she was doing.
This added quite some insult to the injury, and was very painful


----------



## UnderTheSign

Konfyouzd said:


> What flint said...
> 
> I've noticed that when a woman seems like she likes me, it's often her being nice. And the ones that actually like me either don't say anything at all or they seem overly anxious like they've never talked to a man before...



A lot of people seem to think women being nice to them is flirting  the times I've heard friends say "did you see the cashier smiling at me? She digs me man" orrr she's just doing her job.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I feel like y'all are implying that Alberto and I are misinterpreting whether a woman is being nice or flirty lol.I'm just going to say there's a point where it goes beyond being friendly,and I assumed the same thing too since some of them were my mom's friends.However,my mom said they weren't just being "nice."


----------



## Kobalt

The question is, are they attractive? If so, call the bluff, see what happens.


----------



## Alberto7

UnderTheSign said:


> A lot of people seem to think women being nice to them is flirting  the times I've heard friends say "did you see the cashier smiling at me? She digs me man" orrr she's just doing her job.



I totally agree with this. However, just to clarify, no, I don't think my mom's friends were being flirtatious (though admittedly my mom has mentioned a couple of times that even she found it a little weird). I just have a dirty ass mind and the thought of it is just hilarious to me. 

But yeah, I think learning to read people like that just comes after a lot of socializing and after a few rejections and wondering why she said no if she was smiling at me so nicely... well, maybe she was just, you know, like... nice, and stuff, and not actually sexually interested.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Alberto7 said:


> I don't know if it's a middle-ages thing, but all of my mom's friends (40's to 50's) adore me and tell me how handsome they think I am. It makes me feel weird, because it's only women their age that tell me these things and none around my age.



when a woman has had kids/ been with the same person for decades you start to notice they give less of a .... about what they say. 

i've seen middle-aged women shamelessly check out much younger men and talk the way 20something guys would at a young woman... all that societal bull.... starts wearing off lol.. 

but i get you. i had this one professor who flirted with me constantly. if it would not have gotten her fired then i might have entertained the notion, but shameless flirting by itself is fun


----------



## OmegaSlayer

"Her" mother came at my store again today...
Holy crap, my heart was beating like a war-drum, just seeing her mother. 
I think it was George Kollias with his double-kick at 280 bpm
It's fun as she doesn't bear any kind of resemblance with "her".
And since she stayed a bit with my customer she takes care of, my head started...
"Should I tell her to say hi to her daughter?"
"Yes"
"No"
"Yes"
"No"
For like 5 minutes.
I finally asked her to say hi to her...but my voice was so choked it might have sounded like a declaration of war


----------



## OmegaSlayer

And I wrote her a simple email: "Hi  How are you?"
To which she didn't replied in 4 days...
Now...that's some sort of behaviour after you are a couple going for years and you have tons of grudge towards each other...we only had one serious argument...
Anyway I wrote this letter to send her in the next days...



> G...
> What are we both doing?
> Forcing ourselves to silence and ignore each other.
> Not even say "hi".
> 
> I made mistakes with you, I went too far a couple of times, I've been a dck, immature, intrusive.
> I didn't behaved in the best possible way, but I didn't hurt you.
> I never hurted you so much to not even deserve a reply to an "hi"
> 
> I respect your silence because I respect you.
> Still, silence had never erased neither good nor bad memories



How I miss her dudes


----------



## UnderTheSign

At this point I'd just leave her alone man. Her behaviour and lack of response shows that whatever you did bothered her enough to not want to talk right now.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

If you keep pestering her,she's going to think you're needy/clingy(if she doesn't already),and it's only going to push her further away.You have to realize that when you stated your feelings for her she could either reciprocate or reject you.Either way your relationship with her would never be the same.


----------



## asher

I guess I should report I'm meeting up in a few hours with a girl I've been talking to from Tinder for two or so weeks. We so far seem to get along well, interest has been going both ways, etc. 27 year old (I'll be 25 in July) working on her dissertation here. She straight up said she's looking to date, which if we click in person I'm all for.


----------



## BucketheadRules

asher said:


> I guess I should report I'm meeting up in a few hours with a girl I've been talking to from Tinder for two or so weeks. We so far seem to get along well, interest has been going both ways, etc. 27 year old (I'll be 25 in July) working on her dissertation here. She straight up said she's looking to date, which if we click in person I'm all for.



Hope it goes well dude!


----------



## Alberto7

Wrote a long, detailed wall of text, but I feel like I'll be more straight to the point.

Roommate and I are close again, but no strings attached. We have a very natural trust in each other, and we talk to each other about personal things. This post is about her, and not me, just because I feel helpless, and I don't even know if I should keep trying.

Basically, she's doing VERY bad with her relationship. She's traveling to go see her girlfriend this week (long-distance relationship). I have seen how literally insane her girlfriend is (300-400 messages in less than an hour at 3am literally raging, yelling, asking why she gets the luxury of sleep when she has to suffer alone beause of her, and typing "WHYY WHY WHYYY AKJFDLSKNG" over and over again, and telling her every day that she makes her life miserable and calling her names and belittling her. It is, quite literally, insane.) Her girlfriend WILL NOT let her go. Her girlfriend has also shown signs of agression in the past. My roommate feels responsible for her state of mind, which I find ridiculous. (Not that she hasn't f*cked up, but just that it didn't warrant the whole situation she's in.) My roommate also won't leave her because she fears that might induce a suicidal state of mind. (And, after reading some of their messages, it wouldn't surprise me). Roomate is traveling this week to see her, and I fear for her safety. I haven't been able to convince her not to go, even though she, herself, doesn't want to go. I would get myself out of this whole mess, but it's hard for me to ignore it when I fear for her physical integrity. I feel helpless, but also kind of stupid for not staying away from it all. What do?

I hope that made sense...


----------



## flint757

OmegaSlayer said:


> And I wrote her a simple email: "Hi  How are you?"
> To which she didn't replied in 4 days...
> Now...that's some sort of behaviour after you are a couple going for years and you have tons of grudge towards each other...we only had one serious argument...
> Anyway I wrote this letter to send her in the next days...
> 
> 
> 
> How I miss her dudes



That's not moving on man. 

If you stay hung up on her all you're going to do is drag out the rejection depression funk your in AND your totally going to miss any and all potential dating opportunities that may arise until you move on. 

My advice would be to leave her be and try to move on physically and emotionally. If she's bugged enough by something you did to not talk to you at all then you just need to give her a lot of time and space to move past it and/or forget it happened. After a decent amount of time she'll likely be cool again. Most friendships are mendable, but smothering them isn't going to fix it and is likely only going to make her resent you in the long run. I genuinely don't think dating her is going to be a possibility so it's in your best interest to move on in that respect. To salvage the friendship you need to give yourself the time to lose that attraction and give her enough time to forgive you.

You're too invested in something that isn't real. That happiness can be had again with someone else and you have the strength within yourself to make you happy as well. You seem to be a strong and driven person. What you're doing currently is only setting yourself up for more disappointment.


----------



## flint757

I find people who verbalize their suicidal tendencies, especially those who are aggressive 'attention whores', tend to either be full of it for the spotlight it shines on them or are extremely bi-polar (in which case she really could be suicidal).

One of my ex's was like that. Anytime there were problems she'd threaten suicide and it was only so I wouldn't break up with her. We did eventually break up and she's alive and well last I checked.

She sounds crazy. I'd have dumped her long ago if this is how she behaves.


----------



## asher

flint757 said:


> I find people who verbalize their suicidal tendencies, especially those who are aggressive 'attention whores', tend to either be full of it for the spotlight it shines on them or are extremely bi-polar (in which case she really could be suicidal).
> 
> One of my ex's was like that. Anytime there were problems she'd threaten suicide and it was only so I wouldn't break up with her. We did eventually break up and she's alive and well last I checked.
> 
> She sounds crazy. I'd have dumped her long ago if this is how she behaves.



Emotional manipulation, yep.

Honestly man, there's probably not much you can do, other than being supportive for her.


----------



## Alberto7

flint757 said:


> I find people who verbalize their suicidal tendencies, especially those who are aggressive 'attention whores', tend to either be full of it for the spotlight it shines on them or are extremely bi-polar (in which case she really could be suicidal).
> 
> One of my ex's was like that. Anytime there were problems she'd threaten suicide and it was only so I wouldn't break up with her. We did eventually break up and she's alive and well last I checked.
> 
> She sounds crazy. I'd have dumped her long ago if this is how she behaves.



Yeah, personally, me too. But my roommate is one of those incredibly gullible people with very little self-esteem who are just too easy to guilt-trip. Oh, and her gf has never, to my knowledge, actually threatened with suicide. It's just that I know a bit about her past (messed up upbringing, and finally began to get her life back together a few years ago, and now she's letting it fall apart because of one person), and I see how her mental state is deteriorating, and how incredibly explosively and angrily she talks and behaves. It really wouldn't surprise me of she developed suicidal thoughts and feelings at some point.

But that's not what worries me the most. What worries me is that I am afraid that my roommate will get physically hurt by her when she goes to see her. Like I said, this girl has shown signs of agression, and has anger management issues. Last time they saw each other, my roommate got sh*t thrown at her face (none of which hit her, thankfully). This is the part that frustrates the most, because I don't feel like I can do much more than I already am without making things worse. I don't like meddling in people's lives, but when I consider someone to be in physical danger, I feel the need to intervene.

... reading those last two paragraphs one after the other, I would rather choose leaving her and live with the consequences than stay with her and end up physically hurt myself. I know I am talking worst case scenarios here, but I don't like taking chances when it comes to these things.

EDIT: I have thought this for some time, but only now did I get around to reading up on it... and holy sh*t, does this describe what I have seen of her gf perfectly: Borderline personality disorder. I almost feel like linking her to that article just so she's able to rationalize the whole thing, but I feel like that'd be too big an intrusion on my part.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

flint757 said:


> That's not moving on man.
> 
> If you stay hung up on her all you're going to do is drag out the rejection depression funk your in AND your totally going to miss any and all potential dating opportunities that may arise until you move on.
> 
> My advice would be to leave her be and try to move on physically and emotionally. If she's bugged enough by something you did to not talk to you at all then you just need to give her a lot of time and space to move past it and/or forget it happened. After a decent amount of time she'll likely be cool again. Most friendships are mendable, but smothering them isn't going to fix it and is likely only going to make her resent you in the long run. I genuinely don't think dating her is going to be a possibility so it's in your best interest to move on in that respect. To salvage the friendship you need to give yourself the time to lose that attraction and give her enough time to forgive you.
> 
> You're too invested in something that isn't real. That happiness can be had again with someone else and you have the strength within yourself to make you happy as well. You seem to be a strong and driven person. What you're doing currently is only setting yourself up for more disappointment.



I didn't send her that letter.
I got to know from her former coworker that she didn't even want to talk about me with her...

So yesterday I wrote and sent her a letter.
Basically I told her that I made mistakes in dealing with our friendship and that the situation we're in was my fault.
(I still can't get where this hate originates from as even the friends who were around us and noticed and knew the situation, are aware that I treated her with absolute respect except for an episode that she said she had forgiven)
But if what she actually wanted was cutting bridges with me, she had to be honest if she thought we had been friends and tell me that straight and clear and I would have disappeared forever.

It's useless to drag this, for me and for her.


----------



## UnderTheSign

That's the thing. She doesn't owe you an answer, she doesn't *have* to be straight with you about it. She chose to just not talk to you anymore and it's on you to accept that and move on with your life. Trust me, I had something similar with my ex.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

You have the point there with the point "ex", meaning that there had been something between you two.
There has been NOTHING between us except ONE SINGLE argument, that she said she was cool with.
She's overblowing stuff beyond belief


----------



## UnderTheSign

But she chose to not want to be in touch with you. Like I said, she doesn't owe you anything.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Yes, she doesn't owe me anything but it's quite childish and immature


----------



## flint757

It is very childish, but you still can't force the situation so honestly it's a moot point. We're not saying she's necessarily in the right (honestly wouldn't know), but that she simply doesn't have to offer an answer or solution to the problem. This isn't for her benefit, but for yours ultimately. When someone doesn't reciprocate, blows you off, cuts communication, whatever, they've made their choice and you have to then make yours. Bothering her when she clearly doesn't wish to be bothered isn't going to fix the friendship or create a relationship. It's not healthy for yourself either as all it has done is bring you down which keeps you from living your life to the fullest.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

You know...the point is that I feel she repressed her feelings towards me because she had decided to leave.
Not saying she did the wrong thing because starting a relation that would last for what, 15 days/ a month is not smart for sure, or starting a relation that would hinder your dream to move trying to get a better life...it wouldn't have been a 2 year relation...it would have been a month max, no one can understand how a relation can pan out after such a short period, and if it's worth it to decide to stay and not make your life better.
Absolutely there's no grudge or hate from my side, I respect and understand her decision.
I never did anything to prevent her from leaving, the opposite, I've always been very supportive to her dreams and tried to help her as I could, with complete sincerity, trust me.
As I said, I love how she thinks, I admire her courage to move to start a new life, that's one of the things I love most of her.

If she doesn't feel anything for me, she could just say "f' you!" and that's it.
This silence only shows that she doesn't know how to deal with me.
You know it's like we reached the point where you hate what you can't have.

But if you would have found the woman of your life, know that there is something from her side and things ended this way...I sincerely ask you how you would feel and what you would do, because I know what you all say, I know you say the truth, I know you say it for my own good, I would say the same thing to a friend in my situation.
Still when you're swamped in such a situation it's really easier saying than doing.

Side stuff...all the people in the area comes to me to ask about her, since everyone knows we were great friends and someone even thinking there was something between us seeing both beahaviour with each other.
Even people that is not my customer and is the customer of her former workplace, people I barely saw once or twice and never spoke to, came to me to ask about her.
Her co-worker says it's insane and unbelievable.
And the feel of saying "I don't know jack..."
It's a daily torture, even when I try with all I can to not think about her...and she's in my mind 24/7.
I literally wake up and she's the first thought that pops in my head, and she stays there all the day.
If I look down the road and see the bus she took to come to work I "actually see" her coming up the road, and stuff like that.
Everything around me speaks of her to me and I can't change work or anything.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Speaking from experience, silence a lot of the time is not because she doesn't know how to deal with the problem, but more like she doesn't want to say "f off," because that's rude and most people dislike being rude. Even if that means they get harassed in turn. A good example is folks who stand outside grocery stores asking for donations to charities. People try their hardest to skirt around them so they don't have to say "no." If they do end up saying no, they explain in great detail to try to "justify" not giving money.

The point being, if she's silent, leave her be and try to move on. There's a good chance that sith every message you send, her silent "f-off-ometer" is going off. Better to not poke the bees nest until it becomes non-silent. If she wants to talk, she'll come to you. If she doesn't, then you're just not doing yourself any favors by persisting.

The hardest part of love is letting go when you need to, and that appears to be the current situation. I've been there before, and it does suck, but fixation on it prevents things from getting better.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Actually what I asked was to be sent to hell, clearly.
And...that was my last message anyway, even because I have still a dignity, even if it doesn't seem so. 
I still wonder why she didn't blocked me on skype for example, since she could do it.

And it's not my intention to harrass her.
In 24 days I sent her 4 messages.
One was me hoping her flight was ok.
One was a pic of a cat looking sad.
One was a "hi. How are you?"
Last one was the letter and it's the last one I'll send, it was already decided before I sent it.


----------



## Alberto7

Chokey Chicken said:


> The hardest part of love is letting go when you need to, and that appears to be the current situation. I've been there before, and it does suck, but fixation on it prevents things from getting better.



Tell me about it... my roommate just left for good today, and I haven't been this heartbroken since I left my first girlfriend when I was 14, inexperienced, and naive. I'm seeing her again on Wednesday for beer fest, but it won't be the same. Knowing her room will be empty (and soon occupied by a different person) kills me. The thought of her lingering smell eventually fading away and not being able to feel her presence anymore turns my gut inside out. I may have gotten over my unhealthy crush for her, and all of the bitterness I'd built up, but us becoming closer together again (more than ever before) and bettering our communication has made me feel something much different this time. Not counting my first girlfriend (just because she was my first and I was very young), I think it's safe for me to say that it's the first time I fall in love in this way with someone. It's funny how actually making peace with her and becoming friends again got rid of any jealousy I felt before, and the conscious effort we both made to improve our communication has got rid of any awkwardness that made our friendship fall apart the first time around. I am now a lot more selfless towards her, and my main interest for her is her happiness and wellbeing. I don't crave romantic involvement with her like I did before, just because I know that's not what she wants and it won't make her happy, but I am still very much attached to her. I have told her repeatedly over the last few weeks that I appreciate her greatly, that I think she is a great person, and that she'll always be someone special to me, (and I know for a fact she reciprocates the feeling, and it makes me incredibly happy that I am able to have a positive impact on her) but I haven't actually told her what I am writing here. It kills me that she left and I didn't say anything, but perhaps it's best that I didn't just yet. I think I'll just write her a letter detailing out my exact feelings and wishing her well some time soon, when she gets back from the US. I think that'll give me time to let go of my feelings and simply keep her in my group of "special close friends," as I like to call them. (Friends I've been romantically interested at one point or another and left in good terms and/or friends that had a big impact on my life).

My only real fear is that she might become a stranger... she does this, especially now, with her being in that oppressive relationship, which doesn't even let her leave her house most times because she'll make her partner upset. I told her this, and she said she feared the same thing, but that she'll make an effort to figure things out.

You know, it's like this that I should have felt since the beginning... I am sad and heartbroken, but I feel like I can keep on going with my life a stronger man than I was before she came into my life.

Also, since I'm feeling all goopy inside and whatnot, I wanted to thank everyone here who has read me and/or given me advice of any kind... it's weird to think about, but this thread has honestly been a huge outlet for me, and I am deeply grateful to all of you. You have my thanks, and I hope I can reciprocate what you've done for me (even if it didn't take much effort)

/cheese


----------



## OmegaSlayer

I kind of come to accept that she won't write to me anymore...
Result is...sleepless night and kind of back to hell, while the last days I had managed to man up a bit.
Guess it didn't help that yesterday I was listening to music and stumbled in one of my favourite ballads...
"Life goes on...while you're miles away and I need you.
Times goes on...as night steals the day, there's nothing I can do."
Damn you Poison...

Average weight loss has been more than half a kilo a day...


----------



## OmegaSlayer

So...yesterday I went out with her former coworker, we talked a lot.
She told me some stuff...basically this girl built in her mind an amount of stuff on par with mine 
She dug into some of my behaviours, some irrelevant stuff even from 2 years ago, stuff that I barely remember but she did.
And...she said that I haven't been behaving like a man because I cried for her, and stuff like that.
So...yesterday I wrote her a letter.
I told her that I deserve more than her sh**ty behaviour, that my tears were of love and not lack of dignity, and if she hadn't the courage to talk and solve problems, I'm the one who cuts the bridge.
And that I'm not a desperate guy, and I sent her some captions of some steamy conversation after some gym with another girl I had on whatsapp, which is a totally POS behaviour from my side, but at this point I think she deserves it.
You can say that I behave like a 12 years old kid because I fell in love, but don't joke on my tears and my feelings.
My tears are golden.
So I said her "farewell"


----------



## UnderTheSign

OmegaSlayer said:


> I told her that I deserve more than her sh**ty behaviour


I'm sorry man, I get that you're upset but like Chokey said her behaviour is understandable and I don't think it was in any way shiitty.

That said I hope you'll be able to move on now. Moving on is always the hardest part.


----------



## russmuller

Sometimes when I get bored, I'll kill time cruising profiles on OK Cupid or swiping away on Tinder. I've noticed that I am generally open to most anything, but if a girl expresses that she loves Fall Out Boy, Ke$ha, Nickleback, or other musical acts of equal quality, it's pretty much an instant NOPE!


----------



## piggins411

Fall Out Boy's "From Under the Cork Tree" Is a good album


----------



## asher

piggins411 said:


> Fall Out Boy's "From Under the Cork Tree" Is a good album



Methinks you grabbed the wrong OT thread


----------



## piggins411

I was responding to the FOB diss in russmuller's post


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

It's been awhile. I haven't cruised this thread in about two months. 

I just got over a complete ordeal in hell. In my absence from this thread, (and kind of from SS.org in general,) I knowingly got involved in a romantic relationship with a very f*cked up individual and I let that individual f*ck me up in the head. I learned my lesson, I endured the heartbreak, and I have moved on.

I tell you guys: I can give pretty darn good relationship advice (according to all my friends who come to me for advice). But my ultimate piece of advice (I guess) that I give people is this: do as I say, not as I do. Reason being is that I just can't seem to follow my own advice. This was a perfect example.


----------



## youngthrasher9

youngthrasher9 said:


> This seems like the right place to confess/complain.
> 
> 
> I've been giving or receiving friendzones for the past 3 years like it's going out of style.
> 
> It's pissing me off a little. I even make the move pretty quick but that just hasn't been enough.
> 
> Then there's this girl whom I've known since kindergarten that has been actively pursuing me and dropping hints, that I just don't like that way. It would feel like trying to fvck my sister. (Wrong on so many levels)
> 
> It sucks knowing how it feels to be in the friendzone, and still having to put someone else through the same.



Well, I ended up taking this same girl on a date. Paddleboarding then pub food. 

It went well. Side note: Dat ASS!


----------



## michblanch

OmegaSlayer said:


> I kind of come to accept that she won't write to me anymore...
> Result is...sleepless night and kind of back to hell, while the last days I had managed to man up a bit.
> Guess it didn't help that yesterday I was listening to music and stumbled in one of my favourite ballads...
> "Life goes on...while you're miles away and I need you.
> Times goes on...as night steals the day, there's nothing I can do."
> Damn you Poison...
> 
> Average weight loss has been more than half a kilo a day...



I'm sorry about your breakup and truly sorry you had to listen to Poison. 
If your girl breaks up with you and then you hear Poison and still don't kill yourself, then you are going to be AOK. 

There is nothing wrong with crying. It shows the depth of what something means to you. 

Now go get something to eat.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Emperor Guillotine said:


> It's been awhile. I haven't cruised this thread in about two months.
> 
> I just got over a complete ordeal in hell. In my absence from this thread, (and kind of from SS.org in general,) I knowingly got involved in a romantic relationship with a very f*cked up individual and I let that individual f*ck me up in the head. I learned my lesson, I endured the heartbreak, and I have moved on.
> 
> I tell you guys: I can give pretty darn good relationship advice (according to all my friends who come to me for advice). But my ultimate piece of advice (I guess) that I give people is this: do as I say, not as I do. Reason being is that I just can't seem to follow my own advice. This was a perfect example.


The whole "do as I say..." thing applies to most everybody when it comes to relationship advice. I find it way easier to give someone advice on their situation than work on my own or even take that same advice. It's easier to do when you have that disconnect of it being a different person and you not taking into account your own emotions/reactions to whatever situation it might. That's what I think anyway, and use to justify telling people what to do.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

michblanch said:


> There is nothing wrong with crying. It shows the depth of what something means to you.



It seems she got really pissed that I cried and didn't considered me a man for that.
Yeah, I believe there's nothing wrong in me because I cried.
If there's something I'm dead certain about this whole story is this.
I'm not ashamed of crying for someone I love, and I would pour those tears over and over and over every time even if I knew she would think it's not manly.

On a side note...exactly one month she went away and started the silence.
Despite having told her goodbye, and maybe in the worse way I could, just to please my ego and try to build some strength...that was only lying to myself.
I miss her, I miss her a freakin' load.
In few days it will be my birthday...last year she organized a little surprise party for me...this year I think she won't even take some time to say "happy birthday", while reading from her again would be the best gift I could ever desire.
Yes, more than a Daemoness or a Skervesen.


----------



## Daeniel

Hey OmegaSlayer, I think that as some degree everyone here can understand what you are going through. And as lots of people said, it is just too much easier to give advises when we are not personally involved. Well, a big bro hug for you! Hope you can get some solace soon.

Usually when I was still living in my hometown in Italy the best solution for me was to hang around with my "gang" of friends. Other source of love, together with some booze. We had one epic evening when I was 24 - meeting at the Pub together with two of my best friends. Everyone was more or less getting out of some long relationship, and we just "celebrated" by getting drunk and doing all kind of stupid sh*t... Sometimes you have to remind yourself that there are some other ways of feeling good that do not involve a lady, and real friends are the best for accepting even the worst, weepy side hidden in each one of us.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

^ *ding ding ding* Winner.

Get out. Be social. It distracts you and takes your mind off things and you'll have friends around to help you cope. I tell everyone this. Don't sit at home and wallow in your misery. Get out. Go on an outing/adventure, whether big or small.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Hmmm, I do seem to be slowly but surely getting over the girl who's been driving me f*cking nuts for the last few months. Feels good man!


----------



## asher

Good to hear, dude.


----------



## Emperor Guillotine

I feel like I need to quit trying. I feel like this person that I am now interested in does not, and will never have, feelings for me. Sucks because it's one of the very few friends that I have.


----------



## youngthrasher9

Well the girl that I took out the other day called for a second date. 


Color me surprised and excited.

Now to think of something to do on said date.


----------



## piggins411

Have sex


----------



## youngthrasher9

The lake/campground that I work for puts on a movie night on the beach of the lake every Tuesday and Saturday night.

The girl and I went tonight, they were showing The Princess Bride. I made a BDSM joke in the middle of the movie and her reaction was good, so that's a good thing... I guess? Haha

It was a good time.

It was the scene where Humperdink says "I shall strangle her on our wedding night!"

I said "If you're into it, I guess..."


----------



## Alberto7

youngthrasher9 said:


> I made a BDSM joke in the middle of the movie and her reaction was good



Third time's a charm.


----------



## asher

youngthrasher9 said:


> Well the girl that I took out the other day called for a second date.
> 
> 
> Color me surprised and excited.
> 
> Now to think of something to do on said date.


----------



## youngthrasher9

Omega, I'm going to be honest with you and it might not make you happy. But I'll be damned if it wouldn't help you to take my suggestions.

1. Rejection sucks. Having people you care about move away sucks. I've experienced a good deal of both.

2. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. The time for wallowing and sitting in your pile of grief is over when you say it's over. It's not your master. The girl who you cared about is gone, and your memory of her isn't going to keep you happy. There's nothing for you in that memory but pain. Sure there were good times. But those good time memories make these bad ones 1000x harder to deal with. 

3. Find a new (temporary if necessary) outlet. Do something for someone whom you have ZERO intention of having sex with. Like your mother or your sister. Use the driving power of pain to care for someone like that. Buy them flowers, make them dinner, help them with their garden for Christ sakes. I don't care. Take a step back from any thought of companionship for a while. Play the living **** out of your guitars. Make your life better by showing your love for those important in life.

4. Once you've gotten past the wallowing, try something you've never thought to try before. Archery, hiking, climbing, nature photography, etc... Maybe even go skydiving. Adrenaline can make you forget about pretty much anything. Physical activity boosts endorphins and can make you feel a lot better.

I've seen people be completely transformed in a positive way because of events they thought were horrifying. 

All that time you could spend trying new things could also lead you to meet new people that you might come to cherish.

Good luck, and may your journey be peaceful, my friend.


----------



## Daeniel

Ever happened that you find yourself to be with the "almost" right one? I am in a relationship with a wonderful lady since one year. Sex is great, she is funny, talkative, supports me in a way that no one else ever did, we enjoy our time together... but I have a gut feeling that it is not enough. That I am with her just because I am afraid of being alone, because everyone hate suffering and she is the least person I want to hurt, or because even if "le voglio bene" (sorry, no translations here - the closest expression is "I care for her", deeply and strongly) I simply do not love her like she deserves. 

"Almost" right ones are the most trickiest girls to let go


----------



## asher

Are you happy? Do you love her?

Because there is no "the one," but instead a statistic sample (size unknowable) of people you're going to be highly compatible with.

This is much more about learning to love wholeheartedly and unconditionally and telling your inner critic to STFU and stop idealizing.

Everyone wishes to be free from suffering. _Everyone_.


----------



## Ralyks

So this is the first time I've posted in SSO is quite some time. A while back I mentioned I started seeing a girl who was a fellow musician I was close with. To keep it tl;dr, we're engaged, and I'm going to be a daddy to a baby boy any day now. Talk about a total 180  Very happy to soon be a daddy though!


----------



## asher

Ralyks said:


> So this is the first time I've posted in SSO is quite some time. A while back I mentioned I started seeing a girl who was a fellow musician I was close with. To keep it to;dr, we're engaged, and I'm going to be a daddy to a baby boy any day now. Talk about a total 180  Very happy to soon be a daddy though!



Congrats man!!!

Were these some... sudden and surprising developments?


----------



## Ralyks

I wouldn't say surprising so much as sooner than expected.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

youngthrasher9 said:


> The girl and I went tonight, they were showing The Princess Bride. I made a BDSM joke in the middle of the movie and her reaction was good, so that's a good thing... I guess? Haha



Play her this song and get back to us 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRJZfwDgNTM


----------



## russmuller

So I'm officially 4 months post-serious relationship breakup. I finally feel like I'm ready to start meeting new people, so I have been cruising OK Cupid lately. TL;DR I "liked" a profile (something I regularly do) and got a response from a real catch.

Suddenly she messages me; a cute 22 year old blonde (I'm 30 so she's a little young for me, but not creeper status) who says she really likes my taste in music and she's finding new stuff she digs from my profile. I ask her what she's into, and she tells me that she thinks everything Misha and Tosin touch is gold. She used to play pretty seriously and prefers Ibby's. She's getting back into playing and is considering getting an ERG.  

I'm pretty sure my head exploded into a million boners!

We're texting now and she seems legitimately really cool. I'm hoping this can become a worthwhile friendship at minimum, and maybe something more fun if I'm lucky. W00t!


----------



## asher

Godspeed.


----------



## russmuller

asher said:


> Godspeed.



We've been texting all evening. We now have plans to hang out after she gets off work one night this week. I'm pretty sure this girl wants to jump my bones, and I'm totally okay with it. I'll probably make her wait a little bit for it, mostly so that I don't get swept up in it and do something stupid. I'm pretty blown away right now.


----------



## Daeniel

Love her - that is one b*tch of a question. I am happy with her most of the time, but still have the feeling I am settling down for something less than real happiness. Probably 'cause you can never be hurt so much by someone you do not love 100%. 

Had a weird weekend - one day fighting, on the verge of breakup, the next one trying to pick up the pieces and have a nice day together. 

Side note - another girl that just makes my blood heat up to 100°C is interested but luckily will do nothing as long as I am in a relationship. Well, appreciate that, even if every time I watch her walk from behind I feel like crying and praising God (as someone said, "you have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance, just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy.")



asher said:


> Are you happy? Do you love her?
> 
> Because there is no "the one," but instead a statistic sample (size unknowable) of people you're going to be highly compatible with.
> 
> This is much more about learning to love wholeheartedly and unconditionally and telling your inner critic to STFU and stop idealizing.
> 
> Everyone wishes to be free from suffering. _Everyone_.


----------



## russmuller

Daeniel said:


> Love her - that is one b*tch of a question. I am happy with her most of the time, but still have the feeling I am settling down for something less than real happiness. Probably 'cause you can never be hurt so much by someone you do not love 100%.
> 
> Had a weird weekend - one day fighting, on the verge of breakup, the next one trying to pick up the pieces and have a nice day together.
> 
> Side note - another girl that just makes my blood heat up to 100°C is interested but luckily will do nothing as long as I am in a relationship. Well, appreciate that, even if every time I watch her walk from behind I feel like crying and praising God (as someone said, "you have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance, just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy.")



Dude, I feel your pain. I just got out of a 5 1/2 year relationship with someone like that. It was comfortable and sustainable, the sex was A-MA-ZING, and I still genuinely want her to be happy. I felt like I COULD marry her, give her the family she wanted, etc... and that's why it was so hard to admit that I really didn't feel like she was the right one. She knew me, but she didn't "get" me. I knew I could make the best of it, but I felt I'd be happier on my own. It turns out I was right!

Here's the thing, though. That hottie on the side may get your blood pumping, but that's not happiness. Don't expect anyone else to make you happy. Understand that your happiness comes from inside yourself, and the company you keep will disrupt it or feed it.

If you think you could be happier in your relationship but genuinely want to stay, consider what it is that would make you happier and try introducing it. If there are things that reliably make you unhappy, talk honestly about it and try to find a strategy to mitigate that. My dad is emphatic about my step-mom: she's not perfect, but she's the best. I think that's a healthy attitude to take.

If you're only hanging on because it's comfortable and you don't want to hurt her, you should consider getting out. Especially if this girl has plans marriage/family/allthatjazz. You don't want to fall into that with the wrong person, and I think that's much scarier than being single for a bit.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

russmuller said:


> So I'm officially 4 months post-serious relationship breakup. I finally feel like I'm ready to start meeting new people, so I have been cruising OK Cupid lately. TL;DR I "liked" a profile (something I regularly do) and got a response from a real catch.
> 
> Suddenly she messages me; a cute 22 year old blonde (I'm 30 so she's a little young for me, but not creeper status) who says she really likes my taste in music and she's finding new stuff she digs from my profile. I ask her what she's into, and she tells me that she thinks everything Misha and Tosin touch is gold. She used to play pretty seriously and prefers Ibby's. She's getting back into playing and is considering getting an ERG.
> 
> I'm pretty sure my head exploded into a million boners!
> 
> We're texting now and she seems legitimately really cool. I'm hoping this can become a worthwhile friendship at minimum, and maybe something more fun if I'm lucky. W00t!



Congrats, you found my dream girl. I can't believe it.


----------



## Daeniel

russmuller said:


> Dude, I feel your pain. I just got out of a 5 1/2 year relationship with someone like that. It was comfortable and sustainable, the sex was A-MA-ZING, and I still genuinely want her to be happy. I felt like I COULD marry her, give her the family she wanted, etc... and that's why it was so hard to admit that I really didn't feel like she was the right one. She knew me, but she didn't "get" me. I knew I could make the best of it, but I felt I'd be happier on my own. It turns out I was right!
> 
> Here's the thing, though. That hottie on the side may get your blood pumping, but that's not happiness. Don't expect anyone else to make you happy. Understand that your happiness comes from inside yourself, and the company you keep will disrupt it or feed it.
> 
> If you think you could be happier in your relationship but genuinely want to stay, consider what it is that would make you happier and try introducing it. If there are things that reliably make you unhappy, talk honestly about it and try to find a strategy to mitigate that. My dad is emphatic about my step-mom: she's not perfect, but she's the best. I think that's a healthy attitude to take.
> 
> If you're only hanging on because it's comfortable and you don't want to hurt her, you should consider getting out. Especially if this girl has plans marriage/family/allthatjazz. You don't want to fall into that with the wrong person, and I think that's much scarier than being single for a bit.



Thanks for the honest advice. Sometimes it just feels good to know that other people have been in similar situations (Similar? Hell, it felt like you were describing mine relationship, including details on my sex life! ). 

A friend of mine said "Girls that are "almost" the right ones are the most dangerous ones". Nothing could feel more true. Helping, caring, sexy and smart... and I mean it! Almost close enough. I always had your dad's attitude in my previous relationship - perfect just does not exist. 

As someone said, the only way to find out is to live it. Thanks for your words!


----------



## russmuller

Daeniel said:


> Thanks for the honest advice. Sometimes it just feels good to know that other people have been in similar situations (Similar? Hell, it felt like you were describing mine relationship, including details on my sex life! ).
> 
> A friend of mine said "Girls that are "almost" the right ones are the most dangerous ones". Nothing could feel more true. Helping, caring, sexy and smart... and I mean it! Almost close enough. I always had your dad's attitude in my previous relationship - perfect just does not exist.
> 
> As someone said, the only way to find out is to live it. Thanks for your words!



No problem, man! In my case, my relationship came to a really amicable end. Though we had been living together for years, bought a bunch of stuff together, raised pets together, etc... It ended like a 747 cruising in for a gentle landing. I was lucky to have been with such a reasonable and responsible girl. I still cried for about 2 weeks after she moved out, but it steadily improved until I was happier on a day to day basis than I had been in a long time. Good luck to ya!


----------



## flint757

I find it so hard to even want to date anyone. All things that a relationship brings to the table I have through other means plus I dictate my own time/finances. The only thing lacking is sex, but that isn't a driving force in my life so it doesn't bother me much honestly. I've got best friends I talk to and see regularly that are like my brothers, a loving family and my niece I've been raising for several years now. I've also reached a point in my life where I'm happy where I am even if I still need improvement in areas and I don't honestly give a .... what people think anymore. All of that together makes for a recipe of me not even desiring to date someone as at the onset they wouldn't be bringing much to the table, but they'd definitely be cutting into my time/finances. 

Kind of weird to be so content/happy with my situation that it is holding me back from dating. Usually it's when your feeling insecure, unstable or something of the sort that holds you back.

Also, the day I genuinely stopped caring about what people thought was the most liberating day of my life. I don't mean that I behave like a twat all the time and ignore the consequences either. I set my own standards, goals and expectations and what other people think or do doesn't have much of an effect. I also don't get embarrassed or upset nearly as often by the things people say. I didn't realize how much I've changed in this regard until hanging around some teenagers the other day. The peer pressure is strong among that group and they seem to get so offended by largely arbitrary things.


----------



## russmuller

Seybsnilksz said:


> Congrats, you found my dream girl. I can't believe it.





Seriously though, dream girl for real. We stayed up until 3 in the morning talking. So far, the only thing we really disagree about is guacamole. lol

It's almost creepy how completely similar we are. We like the same music, and anime, we even both studied music performance for a year at university. She's smart, funny, sexy, self-sufficient, and she wants to bake my favorite cake for me.

Our first date is Friday night. I have a feeling I'm not going to get to sleep before work on Saturday...


----------



## Seybsnilksz

Anime? Ok, you can have her


----------



## naw38

My wife and I just recently decided to have an open relationship. We've not banged anyone else yet, but since we made the decision we've had more sex with each other than we have in ages... so, thats good, right?


----------



## asher

naw38 said:


> My wife and I just recently decided to have an open relationship. We've not banged anyone else yet, but since we made the decision we've had more sex with each other than we have in ages... so, thats good, right?



I'm confused how this works 

Do you actually need the open relationship bit?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Ignoring people makes them like you... I don't get it, but it works... 

Ignoring people has a 100% success rate for me.

Being nice to ppl has a 90% fail rate... 



Here's the thing... If I have to play games with you to get you to like me, then I don't like you. Single life it is...

Also... A chick that I used to talk to had me blocked on GChat where we used to talk periodically. A mutual friend of ours told me she's got some car troubles--troubles I've discussed with him. Well it seems that he's also discussed with her that I discussed it with him, because suddenly I'm unblocked... 

I hate people.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

She still doesn't talk to me, she sent me birthday wishes via email.
I said that "reading her again" was a wonderful gift, and asked how she was doing..."no reply"


----------



## Konfyouzd

Do you only communicate via email? That seems to be the new millennium way of creating and maintaining distance. Tell her to @#%$ off... Somehow that sort of thing always makes people talkative.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Since she left for England...she promised me she would have called but she didn't, and she didn't messaged either.
I did messaged her, 4 times in a month...last time I told her to "£$%&/ off


----------



## Konfyouzd

Move on. She's got other interests.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Yeah, that's what I tried to do.
Makes me very sad though


----------



## asher

Gotta keep trying


----------



## Konfyouzd

Without failure we can never truly appreciate success.

Think of it like this. You know what you want/like--or so you think--right? Well when you feel you see it, pursue it. But never be sad at the fact that you were wrong. You can't know without trying. 

The point at which you see someone that naturally fits your idea of a perfect mate and they see the same in you is the point at which you've *actually* found what you seek.


----------



## IbanezDaemon

Konfyouzd said:


> Move on. She's got other interests.


 
Best advice you will get Omega. I've been following that
man and trust me I've been there, it's not easy but you gotta
let it go. Time's a great healer.


----------



## russmuller

I had a date with my dreamy djent girl (DDG for short?) scheduled for Friday (tomorrow) night, by my plans for Wednesday (yesterday) got cancelled. So after DDG got off work, I went over to her place.

She's so much like me that we were both a bit quiet and awkward at first, but we got past that pretty quickly. We stayed up almost all night, slept for a few hours, and then spent the morning together before she went to work. It's safe to say that we are pretty smitten with each other.

I can honestly say that I've never felt more comfortable or excited about anything in my life. I've been around the block enough to keep myself under control when a girl comes around. I'm not expecting wedding bells or anything, but barring anything drastically unfortunate, I'm sticking with this girl as long as she wants me. The thing that I find most scary is that I'm not scared of this. I trust myself to not be stupid, and I trust my friends when they tell me I should reconsider my choices.


----------



## naw38

asher said:


> I'm confused how this works
> 
> Do you actually need the open relationship bit?



I think we do need it, to be honest. It's something we both want to do, and we've been talking with each other and spending more time on each other since we decided - which is nice.

And we've both got dates over the weekend - woo! Which is something we never did before we got married, 'cause we got together well young.


----------



## russmuller

naw38 said:


> I think we do need it, to be honest. It's something we both want to do, and we've been talking with each other and spending more time on each other since we decided - which is nice.
> 
> And we've both got dates over the weekend - woo! Which is something we never did before we got married, 'cause we got together well young.



That's great! Good on you two for being open to this. It can be a very good and healthy thing when approached right. Defining your expectations and communicating them clearly seems to be the best thing for success here. Good luck on your dates!


----------



## flint757

I've noticed from most of the people I know pre and post-marriage that people stop trying to be romantic or to impress each other after awhile. Things sort of get complacent and routine. I can definitely see how redefining your marriage can breathe new life into it. Congrats man on that alone!


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Point is...women.
I know I mentioned I'm very close to this girl's former co-worker.
She's like a sister and there's no kind of interest from either side.
So we talk and help each other a lot, love affairs included.
Well, she likes a guy I know, that has a bad relation going on, but he's stuck in it...kind of my situation.
Since this girl is not Italian, she asked me to write something to this guy, and give her a hand, because she doesn't want to lose him as a friend, but she doesn't want to ruin a relation between two person and she doesn't want to be the secondary women, all things honourable.
So, at the end, from what she explained me about her feelings and what she wanted to convey in the letter, which wasn't clearly saying what she felt, I found myself writing a copy of the letter I received...this made me really sad, but helped me somehow to see through what's on the other side...
Doesn't help that I realized, and it took me some good time, that I acted crazy, like "After The Burial Guitarist levels of crazy" but you guys noticed that in advance and I wasn't able to even understand the help you were trying to give me.
I don't know what happened to me those days, if I look back...I don't recognize myself, I feel very embarassed about it and...seriously...can't explain, probably I was just so scared $h!tful.
Anyway, I saw my mistakes, I did many, some big some less...many completely avoidable if I would have managed to act cool.
Probably there was something on her side towards me, more than I expected, something that I MYSELF managed to completely obliterate.
Trying to cope with it, it's hard and I can't help but miss her loads.
On a "funny" side, realizing my mistakes helps to cope.


----------



## naw38

Cheers guys  We're having a lot of fun. It started out with me downloading Tinder as a joke and everything just exploded from there, haha. I'm taking this girl to a nerd bar - we're going to drink cider and play board games and I don't know if she plays but I hope she does and she can teach me how to play Magic


----------



## flint757

So no sooner do I declare to myself that I don't need a relationship do I get hand fed 3 beautiful women as dating options. 

Behind door #1:
A hot, flexible dance teacher

door #2:
A woman pretty enough to be a model

door #3:
Someone who apparently liked my profile on a dating website I used to use (pretty profile pic though)



"Is this a test, it has to be" -TOOL, 2001


----------



## asher

See how they all pan out YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE


----------



## flint757

Well, the two people from the real world have to be physically set up since I don't know them at all which means sadly waiting for the opportunity to arise. Door #2 would be a total rebound situation apparently which I can live with. I went ahead and messaged back door #3. My only concern is she's 18 so I'm 6 years older than her. This may or may not be a problem.  Just depends on her maturity level and comfortableness with that fact.

Best part about all 3 is they're shorter than me. That's a freaking miracle as I'm only 5'4" and on top of that they usually like dating giants when they end up being shorter for whatever reason. My prospects are pretty good at the moment.


----------



## asher

I am still very jelly. Godspeed.


----------



## ferret

flint757 said:


> My only concern is she's 18 so I'm 6 years older than her. This may or may not be a problem.  Just depends on her maturity level and comfortableness with that fact.



Lol just make sure about that 18 part.


----------



## russmuller

I went out with Dreamy Djent Girl again last night and she continues to be a total badass. She has this demure confidence about her that I find absolutely magnetic.

The more I get to know DDG, the more certain I become that this is EXACTLY what I'm looking for. Something where there are two stable, happy people who are together for no reason other than that they make each other happier and they want to be together. Not "I need you," but "I want you." For the first time in my adult life, I am falling head over heels and it's awesome. What's even better is that she seems to be doing the same, if only a little more cautiously.

I don't know the reasons why but I know that, while she wants a boyfriend, she is nervous at the idea of being in a relationship again. She said that she needs me to not get all flowery about how great we are together because she wants to enjoy it and let it happen without feeling like there's a pressure or an expectation of where it's going. And here I am dumbfounded like, wait a minute... so you understand your emotional needs here, and you can communicate them clearly to me? Yes! THIS I can work with!

Clearly, I'm infatuated right now. I've only been talking to this girl for a week and I'm totally disinterested in dating anyone else. But honestly, when a girl sees your CHON poster and says we need to bang to that album, how is anyone else going to compete?


----------



## russmuller

ferret said:


> Lol just make sure about that 18 part.



^^^^^ THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I almost got in big trouble when I was 20. At first she told me she was 18, then after we started sleeping together admitted she was "almost 18." In reality, she was 16 and a pathological liar. A few months later I'm down at the city police department interviewing with a detective about what happened based on the contents of my sex blog about our encounters.  Given that this girl had a history of domestic issues involving the police, I was totally cooperative, and there were a handful of other young adults who were also involved with her, both her family and the DA opted not to press charges.

So, just be EXTRA sure.


----------



## flint757

ferret said:


> Lol just make sure about that 18 part.





russmuller said:


> ^^^^^ THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
> 
> I almost got in big trouble when I was 20. At first she told me she was 18, then after we started sleeping together admitted she was "almost 18." In reality, she was 16 and a pathological liar. A few months later I'm down at the city police department interviewing with a detective about what happened based on the contents of my sex blog about our encounters.  Given that this girl had a history of domestic issues involving the police, I was totally cooperative, and there were a handful of other young adults who were also involved with her, both her family and the DA opted not to press charges.
> 
> So, just be EXTRA sure.



Holy crap! 

Yeah, I'll make absolutely certain before doing anything. I think she's either already in college, which would mean she's closer to 19, or is about to start college so assuming that's true she isn't lying. Yeah, I don't need statutory rape charges being brought against me so verifying that is at the top of my list. 

The only real bummer about dating someone under 21 is it totally kills many venues as dating options. I felt the same on the other side when I was under 21. When I go out I usually do so to go drink with friends so it'll force me to get more creative if things actually move forward. I don't want to get ahead of myself though.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Feelings are hard. And stupid.  I just can't help but laugh at my situation right now.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

This is a nice read if you have 10 minutes
https://thyra10.wordpress.com/2013/08/31/so-you-want-to-date-a-scandinavian/


----------



## russmuller

I think I've pretty well sealed the deal with Dreamy Djent Girl. We had another incredible night together. We probably spent the better part of an hour laughing about all the bad gear decisions we made as teenagers (like the fact that she had a Metal Zone pedal ). 

There were a number of jaw-dropping moments between us. I mean, like... time stood still and the world fell away. It was intense stuff, and that's just from quiet, sober conversation. She's falling for me too, and we had a very reassuring talk about her concerns regarding being in a relationship. 

We've barely been talking for a week, but this girl inspires feelings that are completely new to me. I am soaking up every moment of his.


----------



## flint757

It's crazy how irrational attraction is. When I wasn't interested in dating the thought never even entered my mind and thus I was able to think about other things and exercise a great deal of patience. Now that my prospects are favorable and I've begun making contact I've lost all patience. 

Waiting game you have bested me again.


----------



## Genome

It is crazy. I have been hung up on a girl (let's call her Girl A) for a good while now and had no interest in pursuing anyone else, but when she started dating someone else (by the way, that _sucks_) I thought I would start seeing what is out there and started talking to someone new (let's say, Girl B), because I thought it might help.

But as my heart isn't really in it while I get over Girl A, I'm tending to act a little aloof with Girl B, and through no fault of my own have become irresistible to her  

I'm not sure whether to go any further with Girl B as I'm still hung up on Girl A, but perhaps going out with Girl B will help? Or is that douchebaggery on my part?


----------



## russmuller

Genome said:


> I'm not sure whether to go any further with Girl B as I'm still hung up on Girl A, but perhaps going out with Girl B will help? Or is that douchebaggery on my part?



I think continuing with Girl B only qualifies as douchebaggery if you guys have different expectations. If it's just casual fun and you both want to enjoy it and see what happens, that's fine. As long as you're upfront and you don't see red flags that she's going to turn into a crazy stalker who will slash yours or Girl A's tires some day, I don't see a problem.


----------



## Alberto7

Alberto7 said:


> Tell me about it... my roommate just left for good today, and I haven't been this heartbroken since I left my first girlfriend when I was 14, inexperienced, and naive. I'm seeing her again on Wednesday for beer fest, but it won't be the same. Knowing her room will be empty (and soon occupied by a different person) kills me. The thought of her lingering smell eventually fading away and not being able to feel her presence anymore turns my gut inside out. I may have gotten over my unhealthy crush for her, and all of the bitterness I'd built up, but us becoming closer together again (more than ever before) and bettering our communication has made me feel something much different this time. Not counting my first girlfriend (just because she was my first and I was very young), I think it's safe for me to say that it's the first time I fall in love in this way with someone. It's funny how actually making peace with her and becoming friends again got rid of any jealousy I felt before, and the conscious effort we both made to improve our communication has got rid of any awkwardness that made our friendship fall apart the first time around. I am now a lot more selfless towards her, and my main interest for her is her happiness and wellbeing. I don't crave romantic involvement with her like I did before, just because I know that's not what she wants and it won't make her happy, but I am still very much attached to her. I have told her repeatedly over the last few weeks that I appreciate her greatly, that I think she is a great person, and that she'll always be someone special to me, (and I know for a fact she reciprocates the feeling, and it makes me incredibly happy that I am able to have a positive impact on her) but I haven't actually told her what I am writing here. It kills me that she left and I didn't say anything, but perhaps it's best that I didn't just yet. I think I'll just write her a letter detailing out my exact feelings and wishing her well some time soon, when she gets back from the US. I think that'll give me time to let go of my feelings and simply keep her in my group of "special close friends," as I like to call them. (Friends I've been romantically interested at one point or another and left in good terms and/or friends that had a big impact on my life).
> 
> My only real fear is that she might become a stranger... she does this, especially now, with her being in that oppressive relationship, which doesn't even let her leave her house most times because she'll make her partner upset. I told her this, and she said she feared the same thing, but that she'll make an effort to figure things out.
> 
> You know, it's like this that I should have felt since the beginning... I am sad and heartbroken, but I feel like I can keep on going with my life a stronger man than I was before she came into my life.
> 
> Also, since I'm feeling all goopy inside and whatnot, I wanted to thank everyone here who has read me and/or given me advice of any kind... it's weird to think about, but this thread has honestly been a huge outlet for me, and I am deeply grateful to all of you. You have my thanks, and I hope I can reciprocate what you've done for me (even if it didn't take much effort)
> 
> /cheese



Briefly following up on this: she came back, I bought her a card and wrote her a little letter as a parting gift. The letter contained sentiments and promises that I promptly realized I possibly wouldn't be able to keep, (that I'd always be there for her if she ever needed support) because dealing with her ridiculous relationship issues and some of her other bull.... frustrates me beyond belief, even though there's a side of her that I adore and keeps me from giving up on her. Thus, I decided not to give her the letter. But then, I did anyway, because I am a total idiot (and she also got me a really cool and thoughtful parting gift, so that pressured me even more into it), and it made her so goddamn happy that I just did not have the heart to backpedal. She has no real friends left (because - guess what - she pushed them out of her life because of her idiotic romantic involvement with another crazy person), so she's really happy to know she has at least someone who is trying hard to stick with her. That makes me feel good, however, now I am stuck with a promise that I don't know if I'll be able to fulfill, because I suspect that keeping the promise will be a source of misery for me. I have never felt like a bigger hypocrite. It will hurt her real bad if she finds out that I am hesitant about the things I wrote, and I couldn't forgive myself for that. Part of me hopes she won't take me up on those things, and, at the same time, I want to be of help for her (and I wish she'd listen, but alas...). Aren't I just a giant, walking contradiction...

The colder and more cynical side of me is telling me to just suck it up, give her the hard truth, and let the pieces fall where they may... but I'm too scared of the possibility of losing her completely. Striking this balance of remaining good friends without completely falling head over heels again is proving real tough. It's a fine line that I don't know if it's worth treading.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Guys...
If there's a way, a trick, an hint, an advice about "how to forgive someone"...please share, because I can't get her out of my head.
She's my first thought as I wake up, and she stays there in my head and in my heart 24/7.
It's one month and a half since she left, but I miss her just like the first day.
I might feel less sad some days, I have some days that are fine and not terrible, I have some days and/or moments during days that are absolutely sad and terrible, but I miss her every single day.


----------



## flint757

Forgiveness is just the act of letting go of the emotions that caused you some sort of grievance, whether you forgive them for their benefit or yours. There aren't really any tricks to letting it go other than putting some time and distance between you and the situation. Over time it all subsides and letting go so you can forgive becomes much easier.

The only other suggestion I could think of is something you already did which is look at the situation from her perspective. In doing so you realized that she wasn't 100% in the wrong for her behavior and that's a huge step in the right direction.


----------



## Alberto7

^ Time and self-love, brother. Give yourself some priority and do things that occupy your time with activities that you enjoy or that keep you busy and/or focused. You'll see that, little by little, the sad days and moments will be less and less frequent, until all that remains is a nostalgic memory.

EDIT: like flint said, time and keeping busy will give you an emotional distance from the situation that will provide you with a new perspective. Forgiveness will be part of the process of learning to see and accept that new perspective, as was for me.


----------



## asher

Lovingkindness meditation | Wildmind Buddhist Meditation


----------



## BucketheadRules

Soooo... kind of good news time, I guess (hopefully not jinxing myself by doing this ) Better news than I've had to post here for a while.

First thing is, I'm pretty much totally over the girl I was infatuated with. Don't think about her half as much as I used to, we haven't spoken for about a week and I'm not too bothered. We're on good terms but we're not actually saying anything to each other at the minute, which I don't mind.

The second thing is, a couple of days ago I played a gig near my college, an end-of-term thing for some of the other members of my band whose course has just ended (my first year finished about a month ago ) Afterwards we all went and got drunk, which was a little strange for me at first because I knew almost no-one there, but I got talking to a rather nice-looking girl whom I'd met once or twice before but never properly spoken to... we were getting on pretty well, she's a laugh and she seems cool. I bought her a drink. We all spent a few more hours getting drunk in the sun and it was really nice. Anyway, I added a bunch of people on Facebook the morning after, including her, and we've been talking for the last couple of days. I'm thinking I should ask if she wants to do something soon...


----------



## Genome

Good stuff mate (and apologies for not replying to your PM), I would try and strike while the iron is hot and ask her out!


----------



## BucketheadRules

Genome said:


> Good stuff mate (and apologies for not replying to your PM), I would try and strike while the iron is hot and ask her out!



No worries dude, and yes I think I may!


----------



## russmuller

Genome said:


> ...strike while the iron is hot and ask her out!



This!


----------



## asher

YAAAY GOOD NEWS FOR BUCKETHEAD


----------



## russmuller

Dreamy Djent Girl is officially my girlfriend now, so I'm quite pleased about that. I'm going to meet her DnD friends at a barbeque tomorrow, so that'll be fun. I'm excited to have her over to my place soon and show her around the studio. My roommate is a natural born @$$hole, so hopefully he'll behave himself while she's over.

This has been really fun so far. After 5+ years dating a vegetarian who couldn't cook, it's nice to date a woman who eats meat and knows her way around a kitchen.


----------



## BucketheadRules

russmuller said:


> Dreamy Djent Girl is officially my girlfriend now, so I'm quite pleased about that. I'm going to meet her DnD friends at a barbeque tomorrow, so that'll be fun. I'm excited to have her over to my place soon and show her around the studio. My roommate is a natural born @$$hole, so hopefully he'll behave himself while she's over.
> 
> This has been really fun so far. After 5+ years dating a vegetarian who couldn't cook, it's nice to date a woman who eats meat and knows her way around a kitchen.



Dude, reading your updates on this over the last couple of weeks has made me so happy  Really pleased for you man!


----------



## russmuller

BucketheadRules said:


> Dude, reading your updates on this over the last couple of weeks has made me so happy  Really pleased for you man!



Thanks, man! I am a really, REALLY lucky guy. I can't believe a girl like this exists, AND she's into me too? I'm pretty sure there are better odds of having my winning lottery ticket struck by lightning while I'm being eaten by a shark in the desert.

I brought her to my place yesterday and we had a blast. She's genuinely interested in sharing the music we love with each other. I introduced her to Karnivool (my favorite band) and she cried to New Day. Instant winner!!! I'll admit, I completely forgot the panty-dropping power of a smooth guitar solo played in private. 

Later on, we got blazed and she baked some brownies with a mint chocolate ganache all from scratch. 

Seriously, I know it's stupid-early in this relationship, but if this girl wasn't adamant that she never wants to get married I would start saving for a ring.


----------



## asher

Just stick around long enough, eventually she'll decide the tax breaks are worth it.


----------



## youngthrasher9

Asher, I like your style.


----------



## CrushingAnvil

When you meet up with the girl you thought you were going to be with for good and she says "I just didn't feel 'it'." and it's all over before you can say ouch


----------



## youngthrasher9

On a side note that chick I took out twice and I decided to just stay friends.

It was like a mutual friendzone, which if you ask some they'll debate the existence of such a concept.

It's like nothing ever happened and that's the way I like it.


Now to implement the confidence boost of having a girl not rejecting me, by finding another girl.


Hopefully a metalhead because I hate going to public events alone. And because that'd be awesome any way you slice it.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

What I realized is that...I created a monster.
There's this little feeling I had that I tried to kill in any way I could for months.
He was resilient and didn't want to die, I didn't realized it, but it was only getting stronger and stronger.
I try everything you said guys, it's not working, while I found myself not as disturbed as when she left, I miss her even more after 50 days.
I miss her smile, I miss waking her up every morning and listen to that still sleepy sweet voice telling me "Bonjour", I miss our talking with a coffee and a cigarette or two, I miss hugging her and cuddling her, I miss he pulling my ponytail (which is something I usually sooooo hate), I miss everything.

Turns out I wrote a song for her which I'm recording right now, which is something I never did for any girl ever.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Well I've asked her and she seems up for it - I'm wondering what to suggest. Is going for dinner a bit much for a first date considering we don't know each other that well? (I feel kind of weird even calling it a date even though that is my intention)... 

Help me out fellas!


----------



## flint757

Could do a learn to cook date or comedy club.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Going out for drinks are good first dates imo, alcoholic or coffee/tea if you want to do it earlier in the day. More time to talk and not have that awkward I'm Eating and Can't Talk silence for like 20 minutes. And it's easier to eject if it's not going well, just pretend you have to be up early or something.

Either way, good luck man.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Fair enough, I think I'll suggest the comedy thing - there's a venue we both know (in fact, where we both played last week) that does a comedy night once a week... pretty freakin' perfect if you ask me.


----------



## Konfyouzd

CrushingAnvil said:


> When you meet up with the girl you thought you were going to be with for good and she says "I just didn't feel 'it'." and it's all over before you can say ouch



She probably says that a lot. No worries. There are lots of others.


----------



## naw38

There's this bar in my town that is underneath a games library - you pay $1, can borrow any of their board games you like(Zombicide, Settlers of Catan, Takenoko, etc.) and play them while you drink. I've suggested this to a number of girls on Tinder and they all thought it sounded amazing. Just a thought if there's something similar near you. 

On the flip side of going out for a meal, instead of it being awkward pauses while you eat, you could use those opportunities to gather your thoughts and figure out what awkward thing you're going to say next.


----------



## Taylor

Well, I'm in a situation that I don't have any experience with. There's a girl I work with that has been dropping some heavy signs my way. This is the first time really that I have had a woman initiate anything. The problem is that I'm not really attracted to her. She's cute for sure, but definitely not my type personality-wise. How do I "let her down easy" with minimal negative side effects?


----------



## russmuller

Taylor said:


> Well, I'm in a situation that I don't have any experience with. There's a girl I work with that has been dropping some heavy signs my way. This is the first time really that I have had a woman initiate anything. The problem is that I'm not really attracted to her. She's cute for sure, but definitely not my type personality-wise. How do I "let her down easy" with minimal negative side effects?



Either tell her straight up "hey, I think you're cute but I think we should just stay friends" or lean on the good old "I have a rule: don't get your honey where you get your money."


----------



## OmegaSlayer

So 2 days ago I had my song for her finished and recorded and I sent it to her via email, immediately.
No reply yet.
All my close friends that listened to it were so much impressed from the amount of feelings out of it, and for most of them it was kind of unexpected coming out of me.
Two women cried listening to it.
And another sleepless night.


----------



## Allealex

I've been together with a girl for 4 years and a half.
Sunday she told me she's been cheating on me for the last two months, and for all this time she always swore to me that I was the only guy in the world, and that she couldn't care less about the other guy.
I feel empty right now, I just can't bear this situation, I don't even believe how all of this can be real, I mean, how could she lie to my face like that?
I've always respected her and I gave her everything I could, and I can't believe this is happening to me right now, it's ridiculous, she meant the world to me, she told me that I meant the world to her, and now she's with someone else, and f*ck this hurts so f*cking bad, never felt this way before.
Do you wanna know what the worst thing is? I still love her like I used to before, I can't imagine a life without her, and I think that I would forgive her.
This is the most difficult thing I've ever done in my entire life, I just can't face the reality, it's impossible for me to think that she prefers someone else but the only thing I can do right now is accept the fact that I have to say goodbye to her, and I know that a big piece of my heart will go away with her, and it just sucks, it sucks BAD.
I'd rather be buried alive, life sucks.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

OmegaSlayer said:


> So 2 days ago I had my song for her finished and recorded and I sent it to her via email, immediately.
> No reply yet.



after reading your story over the past several pages i can confidently say this was/is not a good idea


----------



## Steve-Om

Allealex said:


> I've been together with a girl for 4 years and a half.
> Sunday she told me she's been cheating on me for the last two months, and for all this time she always swore to me that I was the only guy in the world, and that she couldn't care less about the other guy.
> I feel empty right now, I just can't bear this situation, I don't even believe how all of this can be real, I mean, how could she lie to my face like that?
> I've always respected her and I gave her everything I could, and I can't believe this is happening to me right now, it's ridiculous, she meant the world to me, she told me that I meant the world to her, and now she's with someone else, and f*ck this hurts so f*cking bad, never felt this way before.
> Do you wanna know what the worst thing is? I still love her like I used to before, I can't imagine a life without her, and I think that I would forgive her.
> This is the most difficult thing I've ever done in my entire life, I just can't face the reality, it's impossible for me to think that she prefers someone else but the only thing I can do right now is accept the fact that I have to say goodbye to her, and I know that a big piece of my heart will go away with her, and it just sucks, it sucks BAD.
> I'd rather be buried alive, life sucks.




That totally and absolutely sucks. But you know what? Try to put it in perspective, if she did that to you it means only one thing: she did NOT love you. Sorry for being upfront but that's the reality of it. We are all exposed to this exact same situation in every relationship we are in, and it sucks. But part of being in a relationship is understanding that these things can happen.

As many will recommend here, go out with your friends, do other stuff. I know and understand you will not want to even pick up your guitar, and that's totally fine because you are not in a mindset to do so. Just try to do something else, take a few days off work if you can, visit someone in your familiy if possible and you have a good relationship with them.

As much as it hurts like hell and you feel your world is going down, just hang in there, it's not over for you. We, as human beings, have the capacity to bear these situations, but it's your own decision to come out of it.

You can do it, and I dont know you, but the sole fact that you feel like this and wrote this message for all of us to see means you have the courage in yourself to get out of the mud and continue on with your life.

Keep going mate


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Ibanezsam4 said:


> after reading your story over the past several pages i can confidently say this was/is not a good idea


Yeah, that is probably the truth, I'm well aware of it.
People close to both of us said I had to sent it.

In the end you can't lose what you don't have anymore.


----------



## vilk

Allealex said:


> I've been together with a girl for 4 years and a half.
> Sunday she told me she's been cheating on me for the last two months, and for all this time she always swore to me that I was the only guy in the world, and that she couldn't care less about the other guy.
> I feel empty right now, I just can't bear this situation, I don't even believe how all of this can be real, I mean, how could she lie to my face like that?
> I've always respected her and I gave her everything I could, and I can't believe this is happening to me right now, it's ridiculous, she meant the world to me, she told me that I meant the world to her, and now she's with someone else, and f*ck this hurts so f*cking bad, never felt this way before.
> Do you wanna know what the worst thing is? I still love her like I used to before, I can't imagine a life without her, and I think that I would forgive her.
> This is the most difficult thing I've ever done in my entire life, I just can't face the reality, it's impossible for me to think that she prefers someone else but the only thing I can do right now is accept the fact that I have to say goodbye to her, and I know that a big piece of my heart will go away with her, and it just sucks, it sucks BAD.
> I'd rather be buried alive, life sucks.



I'm not sure that her sleeping with someone else necessarily means that she doesn't love you or that she prefers him over you. 4 and a half years is a long time. People get bored, want to expand their lives. She might have just been going through a thing. People want to have sex outside their relationships for a variety of reasons not limited to the negative ones.

The real problem I see is her lying to you about it. Though I understand why she would. If you still love her, and she still loves you, you guys can probably figure out a mutually acceptable way to handle this.

But if it turns out she's doing this because she has actually moved on from you... then that's rough, man. I feel for you.


I find it odd that people think of sexual monogamy as the end-all of relationships. People regularly work through other problems like substance dependency, job transfers, traumatic deaths, etc., and it's expected that you stand by your partner. But as soon as sex is involved everyone just shouts "good! get rid of them! move on and give up on your relationship!"... I don't really understand why? Is it like a confidence thing? Why are people's confidence so drastically affected by who someone wants to sleep with when we all understand that feeling&#65311;


----------



## TheHandOfStone

Allealex said:


> I'd rather be buried alive, life sucks.


Here stranger, have some e-


----------



## Allealex

Steve-Om said:


> That totally and absolutely sucks. But you know what? Try to put it in perspective, if she did that to you it means only one thing: she did NOT love you. Sorry for being upfront but that's the reality of it. We are all exposed to this exact same situation in every relationship we are in, and it sucks. But part of being in a relationship is understanding that these things can happen.
> 
> As many will recommend here, go out with your friends, do other stuff. I know and understand you will not want to even pick up your guitar, and that's totally fine because you are not in a mindset to do so. Just try to do something else, take a few days off work if you can, visit someone in your familiy if possible and you have a good relationship with them.
> 
> As much as it hurts like hell and you feel your world is going down, just hang in there, it's not over for you. We, as human beings, have the capacity to bear these situations, but it's your own decision to come out of it.
> 
> You can do it, and I dont know you, but the sole fact that you feel like this and wrote this message for all of us to see means you have the courage in yourself to get out of the mud and continue on with your life.
> 
> Keep going mate



Thanks man, this really means a lot to me. My family and friends told me as well that she didn't love me, but she actually told me that she misses me, she says she doesn't know why she did that because she actually wants to stay with me. I'm really confused right now 'cause she the only girl in the whole world for me and I'm glad she telling me all these things but man it's so hard to trust her, she lied to my face for 2 months.
I mean, does it make sense to stay with her anymore? She cheated on me, she lied to me, she made me feel like the worst piece of sh!t in the planet, how could she say the she loves me?
All I wanna do is to stay with her but I know I just can't stay with her because I can't trust her anymore.
It all depends from a decision of mine, but I just can't decide, not yet.
I think I just need some time to think, maybe I'll meet someone alse, and maybe, sooner or later, I'll forget her.
She will always be a big part of me, I shared the best time of my life with her and the great moments we had together won't be forgotten, but maybe it's time to say goodbye, I know I wont' be able to forgive her and it would be so hard for me to trust her anymore.
I don't know, it's not that easy.
Anyway, thanks a lot man, it's great to know that someone I don't even know is undestarding me, giving me advice and trying to make me feel better, these are the kinda things that restore my faith in humankind


----------



## Allealex

vilk said:


> I'm not sure that her sleeping with someone else necessarily means that she doesn't love you or that she prefers him over you. 4 and a half years is a long time. People get bored, want to expand their lives. She might have just been going through a thing. People want to have sex outside their relationships for a variety of reasons not limited to the negative ones.
> 
> The real problem I see is her lying to you about it. Though I understand why she would. If you still love her, and she still loves you, you guys can probably figure out a mutually acceptable way to handle this.
> 
> But if it turns out she's doing this because she has actually moved on from you... then that's rough, man. I feel for you.
> 
> 
> I find it odd that people think of sexual monogamy as the end-all of relationships. People regularly work through other problems like substance dependency, job transfers, traumatic deaths, etc., and it's expected that you stand by your partner. But as soon as sex is involved everyone just shouts "good! get rid of them! move on and give up on your relationship!"... I don't really understand why? Is it like a confidence thing? Why are people's confidence so drastically affected by who someone wants to sleep with when we all understand that feeling&#65311;



She says she didn't tell me a thing because she was afraid of losing me, she says she wasn't ready to end what was going on between us but honestly, I think she's actually used to my presence in her life, I can't really tell if she truly loves me or if she considers me as someone she doesn't want to lose.


----------



## Steve-Om

Allealex said:


> Anyway, thanks a lot man, it's great to know that someone I don't even know is undestarding me, giving me advice and trying to make me feel better, these are the kinda things that restore my faith in humankind



Hey it's nothing!. What you say about time may be your best choice right now, talk to her and tell her you want some time alone to make up your mind. She will know there is a possibility of you meeting someone else during this period.

At the end it's your decision to stay with her regardless of what she did, just be sure about it and understand that these things take time to heal.

EDIT: just saw your last post, and that's an even more powerful reason for you to take some time. She may be accustomed to you, so you will be doing something that will benefit you both.


----------



## Allealex

Steve-Om said:


> Hey it's nothing!. What you say about time may be your best choice right now, talk to her and tell her you want some time alone to make up your mind. She will know there is a possibility of you meeting someone else during this period.
> 
> At the end it's your decision to stay with her regardless of what she did, just be sure about it and understand that these things take time to heal.
> 
> EDIT: just saw your last post, and that's an even more powerful reason for you to take some time. She may be accustomed to you, so you will be doing something that will benefit you both.



Hey man, don't want to be rude but I think you misunterstood: I don't think she truly loves me, I think that she doesn't want to lose me because she's used to my presence, she probably confuses love with the "habit" of having me by her side because come on, how can you do something like this to someone you love? (he's also ugly as hell FWIW)


----------



## BucketheadRules

Aw man, turns out she's working the night I tried to arrange the comedy thing... but she was telling me when she's free on a couple of other days and seems keen to still get something arranged, so it's not like she's trying to bullsh*t her way out of it. She's been really good about it... not used to this from girls  I don't have too many more ideas really though... certainly nothing as good as that last one. That would've been killer.

I mean come on, it's London... surely there's a f*ckton of awesome first date ideas that don't involve risking a bunch of awkward silences in a coffee shop or restaurant. I just can't think of any off the top of my head... 

Need a little more help if someone wouldn't mind. Sorry to distract from the far more serious issues above.



Allealex... I've no advice to offer you really but


----------



## Ibanezsam4

OmegaSlayer said:


> Yeah, that is probably the truth, I'm well aware of it.
> People close to both of us said I had to sent it.
> 
> In the end you can't lose what you don't have anymore.



that last part is true man, but was it best for you? i don't want to be in the business of telling a stranger online about what is in his best interest.. but i can empathize enough here and tell you what i did wrong. what you do with it is up to you. 

i have had my bouts with depression over the years, one such instance was over my first love (naturally). After she dumped my deserving, pathetic ass, i went spiraling depression mode which i did not recover from for several months. 

my biggest mistake was staying friends on social media, keeping her pictures, and just wallowing in my misery. i know lots of people can stay friends, but since i was dealing with these oppressive, dark feelings, having those triggers around only made me slip more into my own head which made for a bleak time. 

i got sick and triggered a crohns attack, lost weight, went on steroids for 6 months, lost a lot of motivation and creativity (i wrote her a song when i was trying to date her, i didnt pick my acoustic up for over a year until my finger forgot how to play it). 

all because i kept fixating on her and letting my life slip away. it wasn't until she got with her now-husband, did i manage to feel anger and looked at myself and said "she wouldn't ever fall in love with you if she met you for the first time today" 

i started getting rid of things that were very personal between us and started over. now i can look at that relationship, be happy for her and she where i went wrong

but most importantly, i learned how to move on and to not let my predisposition to depression take me down over a woman who wasn't willing to share a life together 

my mom dying was a different story...

rubbing the wounds raw makes this a lot harder than it needs to be. depression is tough because negative emotions feed on and consume your soul. 

i think someone already said to occupy yourself with something else if she pops into your head. my solutions were to try new hobbies, watch new movies, tv shows, read new books, and watch some free adult entertainment (lame as hell, but hey, it got me away from thinking of our love life). 

it's your life man, you can take this as gospel or ignore it... but know some strangers on the internet are rooting for you


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Thanks bro for sharing your experience and the support 
I do really appreciate it.
I'm borderlining depression, I'm not going to lie about it, but trying to keep as strong as I can.
I stumble often, then I get back on my feet.
It's hard but I'm a fighter, still it hurts.

I have her pics but I avoid looking at them, I don't read the messages she sent me, still it's hard because her mother comes at my store, people of the area ask me about her, because it was obvious to anyone how much we were close, and so on...I should at least move my store somewhere else to make stuff easier for me but it's impossible.


----------



## Steve-Om

Allealex said:


> Hey man, don't want to be rude but I think you misunterstood: I don't think she truly loves me, I think that she doesn't want to lose me because she's used to my presence, she probably confuses love with the "habit" of having me by her side because come on, how can you do something like this to someone you love? (he's also ugly as hell FWIW)



oh I see sorry about that. But yeah she's most probably just used to having you around.

I hope everything goes fine for you from now on, and like I said before just try to put your mind into something else. Look for new music, that's something I usually do when I'm not feeling very good and it helps me put my mind in a different state.

Keep it going!


----------



## russmuller

Allealex said:


> I've been together with a girl for 4 years and a half.
> Sunday she told me she's been cheating on me for the last two months, and for all this time she always swore to me that I was the only guy in the world, and that she couldn't care less about the other guy.
> I feel empty right now, I just can't bear this situation, I don't even believe how all of this can be real, I mean, how could she lie to my face like that?
> I've always respected her and I gave her everything I could, and I can't believe this is happening to me right now, it's ridiculous, she meant the world to me, she told me that I meant the world to her, and now she's with someone else, and f*ck this hurts so f*cking bad, never felt this way before.
> Do you wanna know what the worst thing is? I still love her like I used to before, I can't imagine a life without her, and I think that I would forgive her.
> This is the most difficult thing I've ever done in my entire life, I just can't face the reality, it's impossible for me to think that she prefers someone else but the only thing I can do right now is accept the fact that I have to say goodbye to her, and I know that a big piece of my heart will go away with her, and it just sucks, it sucks BAD.
> I'd rather be buried alive, life sucks.



So I know I'm a few days late on this one, but that just really really sucks, man. 

I've been cheated on a few times, and there are few emotional storms more disorienting than having the rug pulled out from under you like that. I can tell you that I've done it both ways: cut ties completely, or let her back in and try to mend the trust. I can say with certainty that getting back together was, in my case, a huge mistake (she continued to cheat on me.... a lot).

I know it's hard, and I can't pretend to know where you're at with things. After my experiences, I've taken the attitude that if someone cheats on me, it's not because I'm inadequate, or she prefers someone else to me. I think a person's decision to cheat says more about them than it does me about. It tells me that she's not the right one, and she doesn't appreciate me the way I deserve to be appreciated. As hard as that may be to accept, it is more honest and productive than putting yourself under a microscope and pulling yourself apart.

I wish I could give you a hug, buddy. Hopefully you've got some friends and family around who can support you however you need it. All I can say for sure is that I promise there is great stuff in your future that you can't even imagine, so hang in there!


----------



## flint757

russmuller said:


> I can tell you that I've done it both ways: cut ties completely, or let her back in and try to mend the trust. I can say with certainty that getting back together was, in my case, a huge mistake (she continued to cheat on me.... a lot).



It's definitely not just in your case. Anytime I've ever been cheated on it continued after I let it go. Maybe not right away, but eventually and you're right that it has nothing to do with the one being betrayed either. In fact, the same girl who cheated on me several times asked me out again about 6 months after we broke up. 

My rule is no second chances (as far as cheating, not getting back together in general)....


----------



## Alberto7

I was gonna go have a wank before bed, but then I read through this thread and my libido just jumped out the proverbial window.


----------



## asher




----------



## flyingV

BucketheadRules said:


> Aw man, turns out she's working the night I tried to arrange the comedy thing... but she was telling me when she's free on a couple of other days and seems keen to still get something arranged, so it's not like she's trying to bullsh*t her way out of it. She's been really good about it... not used to this from girls  I don't have too many more ideas really though... certainly nothing as good as that last one. That would've been killer.
> 
> I mean come on, it's London... surely there's a f*ckton of awesome first date ideas that don't involve risking a bunch of awkward silences in a coffee shop or restaurant. I just can't think of any off the top of my head...
> 
> Need a little more help if someone wouldn't mind. Sorry to distract from the far more serious issues above.
> 
> 
> 
> Allealex... I've no advice to offer you really but




Hey, I just came back from studying in London for a year... My two favourite spots I would recommend to check out:
Angel Comedy at the Camdens Head pub in Angel - free comedy nights every night 
My goto music venue used to be the Unicorn in Camden, they do free gigs every second night a week, everything from Rock to Grindcore.

You will probably find those two places on facebook for more information


----------



## BucketheadRules

flyingV said:


> Hey, I just came back from studying in London for a year... My two favourite spots I would recommend to check out:
> Angel Comedy at the Camdens Head pub in Angel - free comedy nights every night
> My goto music venue used to be the Unicorn in Camden, they do free gigs every second night a week, everything from Rock to Grindcore.
> 
> You will probably find those two places on facebook for more information



Thanks dude!

She's been totally offline all weekend for whatever reason, but now I've got some ideas to suggest to her


----------



## russmuller

Things with Dreamy Djent Girl are going incredibly well. We're falling in love with each other hard, and the universe keeps unfolding these really bizarre coincidences.

Crazy #1

She's moving out of her current apartment at the end of the month, and she had a roommate lined up but it became clear that it was going to be a mistake to move in with this guy. We figure that it's WAY too soon to even talk about living together, but it would be pretty cool if we were neighbors.

Since I'm going to be moving at the end of August, I met up with her after work on Saturday to join her for some apartment hunting. She met me in the parking lot and started telling me about how she lived in another complex for a few years and she had a really cool neighbor who worked for the property management company. Apparently his company just took over these apartments a week and a half ago, so this old friend of hers is moving in to these apartments and today is his first day working in this office.

Then as soon as we walk through the door, I recognize him. He's an old friend of mine that I met in college back in 2003 down in Tucson through one of my guitar buddies. We have crossed paths quite a few times and turned out to have a few unexpected mutual friends over the years. Holy crap! That's pretty weird.

Crazy #2

But it gets crazier because it turns out that while she was in that complex, her roommate was another guitar buddy of mine (who I am planning to sell a guitar next month, actually)! So she is good friends with him and his girlfriend. Totally nuts!

Crazy #3 (not all that crazy)

After all that weirdness, we went to Taco Bell (the home of romantic dining). As we're sitting there talking about all this stuff, the music changes to Birds of Tokyo. Birds of F*&KING Tokyo?! My favorite singer in a band with very little exposure in the states suddenly is being broadcast to Taco Bell in Ahwatukee on this most cosmic of days?

Crazy #4

Years ago I was in a band that played a lot of shows along side a pretty unique metal band called Hellen. It was two blonde teenage sisters, drums and guitar, playing raw, screamy, bar chord metal. I had a huge crush on the guitar player. Before I ever got the nerve to talk to make a move, the girl died in a tragic accident. It hit me hard, but I felt a bit weird being so affected when I hardly knew her.

The younger sister decided after a while to keep the band going, and she brought in another female guitarist. She was in her 20's and studied classical guitar, though she liked to moonlight in punk bands. While I was crossing paths with this girl at shows (either playing or attending), she was giving Dreamy Djent Girl guitar lessons.

Crazy #5 (mayan calendar, tin-foil-hat content)

My first girlfriend's birthday was 4/13. I remember this because I was a teenager and had my first cell phone, so I used her birthday as my voicemail code.

My ex and I officially split up the day before Valentine's day. We managed to keep our distance for about 2 months, but as often happens after a breakup (especially one on good terms), sometimes booty calls. The first time we hooked up, I realized it was fun but not something we should aim to repeat. So I decided to peruse OK Cupid, and I liked DDG's profile. That was on 4/13.

And the guitar player who died in Crazy #4? She died on 4/13.



Not that any of that means anything, but it does feel like the universe is dick slapping me on the forehead with signs that I'm moving in the right direction.


----------



## Fretless

@Allealex I completely understand what you are going through buddy. I was with a girl for nearly two years (by the end of things just before last thanksgiving). My girlfriend came out and told me that she was cheating on me. It broke my heart bad, it's not the first time I've been cheated on either, first time wasn't as hard on me as I was younger, and hadn't been with the girl but a year. I felt like I could finally trust someone, and that trust was broken. She didn't even have the heart to wait until I was in a better situation in life. My dad was in the hospital, and to my knowledge dying due to complications from his cancer (thankfully he is a stubborn man, and pulled through, and is quite healthy right now. You would not believe that the doctor said that there was a good chance he wouldn't make it out of that ordeal alive), I was studying for my finals for a calculus class, and for one of my programming classes, and work had been extremely busy, since it was before thanksgiving. 

Now all this back story has a point. Things that happen in life can really, really, and I mean really suck. However, they happen for a reason, for me, there was no way I could stay in a relationship with her after that, I felt that I loved her just as much, but my trust was broken. I tried to work things out, but it just didn't work, I couldn't handle the idea that she had done what she had, and so I moved on. Sometimes things work out that way in life, since then, I have moved out on my own, am up for a transfer at work to a better position, and found I am even eating better (I seriously think I may have been borderline on an eating disorder. I was eating once every 2-4 days).

Bottom line is this: do what your heart tells you to do. If you can push through it, do it. If not, get ready to move on. You have our support, and we are here for you as much as we can be.


----------



## TheHandOfStone

My birthday is on 4/13


----------



## Steve-Om

@russmuller man it's great things are going so well for you two! and all those little things and coincidences you speak of, be it the universe telling you that you are going the right way, or just concidences, it's something that makes you feel like you are doing the right things.

I've felt the same with certains little coincidences that have happened to me in the past. It actually makes you feel good, so keep at it!


----------



## RustInPeace

Hi all, long time listener, first time caller.

My wife and I are currently exploring an open or "polyamorous" relationship style. We've been together for over 6 years and have 3 children together, and our current relationship is very strong. However, this idea is new to me and I had never imagined being in this position. Its scary as hell, yet exciting. If anyone else has any experience with this and can chime in with their story, send me a message!


----------



## naw38

Hey there dude! We've been doing it about three weeks now, and it's going well so far. I've been seeing this girl and she's pretty awesome in heaps of ways. My wife hasn't gotten laid yet, but it should be any day now, we're hoping! We've also become closer and more "intimate"(I hate that word but I'm exhausted and inarticulate) since we made the decision. Good for you guys!

You'll find that dating is more awkward than you could possibly remember or imagine - I went out on a date with a girl last night who friend zoned me for not being scummy enough.  She was gorgeous, but oh well.

Not much of a story to tell or experience really but if you have any queTions, feel free to ask away. Best of luck to you guys!

Also, read a book called The Ethical Slut. You might find it useful.


----------



## Allealex

Guys, I really have to say thank you all, you helped me a lot, really!
So, a few days have passed, I've been hanging out a lot with my friends, haven't seen her since that day, and I have to say that this whole situation is turning out much easier than I thought, I don't miss her that much, sometimes I think about the good times together but maybe it won't be that hard to forget her.
I realized that I can't trust her anymore, and I really don't need that kinda person in my life.
I have to say that I still love her but I know for sure that I won't ever forgive her, so it really doesn't make sense to get back together.
She says that she misses me, she's sick of herself for what she did to me and she says that she loves me and she only wants to stay with me but you know what? I don't care


----------



## BucketheadRules

Allealex said:


> She says that she misses me, she's sick of herself for what she did to me and she says that she loves me and she only wants to stay with me but you know what? I don't care



That's the spirit


----------



## RustInPeace

naw38 said:


> Hey there dude! We've been doing it about three weeks now, and it's going well so far. I've been seeing this girl and she's pretty awesome in heaps of ways. My wife hasn't gotten laid yet, but it should be any day now, we're hoping! We've also become closer and more "intimate"(I hate that word but I'm exhausted and inarticulate) since we made the decision. Good for you guys!
> 
> You'll find that dating is more awkward than you could possibly remember or imagine - I went out on a date with a girl last night who friend zoned me for not being scummy enough.  She was gorgeous, but oh well.
> 
> Not much of a story to tell or experience really but if you have any queTions, feel free to ask away. Best of luck to you guys!
> 
> Also, read a book called The Ethical Slut. You might find it useful.



Yeah we have made some great progression with being more open and talking more.. its really great actually. My wife started down the path before I and shes already found a chick shes been seeing. I decided to give it a go as well and see what happens!


----------



## russmuller

Allealex said:


> Guys, I really have to say thank you all, you helped me a lot, really!
> So, a few days have passed, I've been hanging out a lot with my friends, haven't seen her since that day, and I have to say that this whole situation is turning out much easier than I thought, I don't miss her that much, sometimes I think about the good times together but maybe it won't be that hard to forget her.
> I realized that I can't trust her anymore, and I really don't need that kinda person in my life.
> I have to say that I still love her but I know for sure that I won't ever forgive her, so it really doesn't make sense to get back together.
> She says that she misses me, she's sick of herself for what she did to me and she says that she loves me and she only wants to stay with me but you know what? I don't care



Dude, you are totally moving in the right direction. Good for you. Lean on those friends, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you'll be amazed how quickly you'll feel better.


----------



## russmuller

Well it's on now! Dreamy Djent Girl and I are moving into the same apartment complex. I'm having a hard time imagining a more ideal situation. This is my first time moving into my own place; I've always had roommates or lived with family. The rent is cheap enough that I can afford a 2 bedroom, which means I'll actually have enough room for all my stuff. Add on having the ladyfriend within walking distance, and I'm pretty pleased with where my life is about to go.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Update - she likes my most recent idea, so it looks like we're doing that. Wish me luck peeps!


----------



## naw38

RustInPeace said:


> Yeah we have made some great progression with being more open and talking more.. its really great actually. My wife started down the path before I and shes already found a chick shes been seeing. I decided to give it a go as well and see what happens!



Nice dude. How are you meeting people? We're reclusive wankers by nature/habit, so we're mostly using Tinder/OKCupid. We are having... Minimal success this far.

The openness is good - my wife told me last night about some people shed kissed before we were open and I divulged a similar "situation". No judgments, no anger, just acceptance. It starts to feel real natural pretty quick.


----------



## MetalheadMC

Posted a little in another thread about this mainly out of frustration. 

2nd divorce is underway. We had been together for 4.5 years. Lived together for 4. I have a daughter from my first marriage and she has a son from her first. His father is out of the picture so I took over and became his dad 3 years ago. We have a 2 year old together. 

At first we were great for each other. Soon financial troubles happened because she had trouble keeping a job. We basically lived off my income for 3 years roughly. That was the biggest headache I had. That stress damn near killed me. 

She finally got a job a few hours away so she wasn't home on the weekends. She would stay home during the week while I worked and I stayed home during the weekend with the kids while she worked. 

We had plans to move to where her job is, but that scared me because I would have to get a new job, plus it just didn't feel right because I would be even farther away from my oldest daughter. 

Anyway, when we were together, there was no connection ato all anymore. I tried and tried and tried to fake a smile, fake happiness so I wouldn't have to leave my kids. I honestly didn't care about her like should anymore and I didn't worry about her. Just my kids.

The sex life was nonexistent. Communication broken. Mutual interest, decision making, money spending all gone. I couldn't take it anymore. She caught me at the wrong time. Asked if I was happy and I simply said "no." No fight no fuss. She went into the other room, arranged a moving truck and she's leaving very soon.

I stay at a friends during the week and go to my kids at the house on the weekend until she's gone. Everything is mutual right now, but that's what happened in the first one and by the end, I got royal FVCKED. 

I'm pretty sure that's going to happen in due time. This is all recent so the past few days have been worry over my kids and accepting the fact I won't be seeing them everyday. It hurts but overall I think it had to happen ultimately for everyone to benefit. 

Right now I'm totally against marriage. Never again do I or will I sign that piece of paper again. If it works for you congrats and I'm happy for you, but I am not going to suffer to be tied down to unhappiness again. 

Advice to yall without kids, be careful. I don't wish the pain of losing time with your kids on anyone


----------



## RustInPeace

naw38 said:


> Nice dude. How are you meeting people? We're reclusive wankers by nature/habit, so we're mostly using Tinder/OKCupid. We are having... Minimal success this far.
> 
> The openness is good - my wife told me last night about some people shed kissed before we were open and I divulged a similar "situation". No judgments, no anger, just acceptance. It starts to feel real natural pretty quick.



I havent really decided to make the plunge onto social dating sites so far, but she met her friend on Pof pretty quickly. Not surprising to me though, since my wife is a bombshell . I dont feel a rush to be out there and getting with someone, but it is nice to know that if an opportunity came to develop a relationship, I am free and encouraged to do so.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

@MetalheadMC
Sorry to hear that,man.At least you won't feel constrained and unhappy anymore.

From what you've said,it sounds like she was already fed up and already had a plan.


----------



## MetalheadMC

Obsidian Soul said:


> @MetalheadMC
> Sorry to hear that,man.At least you won't feel constrained and unhappy anymore.
> 
> From what you've said,it sounds like she was already fed up and already had a plan.



Thanks. That's interesting because friends from work said the same thing as it was going on. I've kinda had that feeling all along, but I kept myself blind thinking it would work out


----------



## BucketheadRules

Well I'm back... situation-wise it was kind of weird, but I feel like it went pretty well for what it was. We weren't stuck for conversation, I enjoyed her company and it seemed like she was enjoying mine... as we parted she was actually the first to suggest seeing each other again, hopefully that'll happen.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Nine months with my girlfriend today (the 17th)! She can finally have the baby. 

No

But we had a nice day and will have a nice weekend at the beach  I can't believe I've been with her this long. Often we make some comments about being together after college, or about what we will do when we're living together, even if the comments are just in passing or for a joke setup. But it seems possible to me, which is exciting and terrifying. I'm doing my best to not think about it now other than when really necessary, just taking it day by day at this point. I think that's the only healthy thing I really can do right now.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

I miss her...
I had a mail from her past Monday.
Don't know how much it was free intention or not though, as maybe it was a common friend pressuring her a bit.
She didn't mention the song I sent her, but she mentioned a pic of me and a friend in which she noticed I lost a lot of weigth and that I was looking good.
I told her to not feel pressured to write to me if she didn't felt it, and I hadn't wrote to her anymore.
I miss her, the exactly same way as the day she left.
I face each day with strength and will and I'm quite ok-ish...no falldowns or crisis or whatever, but definitely there's something BIG missing in my life.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Things still seem to be going okay... I'm going to be up around where she works in London in a couple of days' time, wondering if I should drop in and say hi. If I do, part of me wants to surprise her but a much larger part of me thinks I should just say something beforehand to be safe.


----------



## BlackMastodon

I'd personally say something beforehand. If you 2 were in a relationship already then surprising her by just showing up would be great, but this early on when nothing has really happened yet it might be a little bit much. I usually err on the side of caution, though.


----------



## BucketheadRules

BlackMastodon said:


> I'd personally say something beforehand. If you 2 were in a relationship already then surprising her by just showing up would be great, but this early on when nothing has really happened yet it might be a little bit much. I usually err on the side of caution, though.



Thanks man, that's pretty much what I was thinking.


----------



## Kobalt

Like a wound that never heals... I never thought it was possible to get this ....ing attached to someone, and end up feeling so ....ing empty and meaningless...it's been almost a year now...


----------



## BucketheadRules

True to my word, went and saw her today while she was working... the shop wasn't busy but I didn't want to outstay my welcome, only went in for a few minutes. Said hi, we chatted a little, all fine basically. She's going on holiday in a couple of days but suggested we do something when she gets back (isn't it great when she actually suggests it before you!) I said I'd have a look around and find something cool to do.

I think next time I see her I need to make my move, and try to get this moving in the direction of being a relationship rather than just being friends... I sense I have to do this soon, otherwise it's just not going to happen. I'm scared sh*tless about doing it (fear of rejection is a bitch) but I'll always regret it if I don't, because I like her.


----------



## cheosamad21

Hey guys. I figured this is probably the best place to share my experiences of the last few weeks.

So as some probably know a few months ago my girlfriend of 5 years left me to date my best friend and it was all handled in a really awful thoughtless way and left me pretty broken up. Thanks to the help of all of my friends and family I'm just about over it at this point and have regained my ability to sleep and it no longer constantly consumes my thoughts like it used to. There's a bit of healing left to do but I feel back to my old self again. 

Recently I've taken this new feeling of liberation and happiness as a chance to reinvent myself. I shaved off my hair that I'd been growing for years and years and years, overhauled my wardrobe, bought some new guitar gear, and really started getting out of my comfort zone. I started getting into cars and trying to form a much healthier social life as I've come to realize sitting inside, masturbating, and listening to music all day every day isn't good for you. 

Flash back say 3 weeks. My friends invited me to a Super Smash Bros tournament. It was pretty cool and I met a lot of new people there but one really stuck out. A girl named Adriana was there with one of her friends and something about them just instantly caught my eye. They were simply put beautiful and I couldn't stop myself from catching glances way too many times throughout that night. By the end of the night we were talking and joking around and having a pretty good time. I added them on facebook and then after a few days caught some balls and said hello. We've talked pretty much every day since.

Now lets rewind to yesterday. I invited her out to go see Paper Towns with Me, my best friend, and his girlfriend. We pulled up to pick her up from her house and my jaw nearly hit the floor. The only time that I had seen her prior was at the Smash tourney and she looked super cute then. She came walking out of the house all dolled up in this nice white dress with these amazing white shorts and she looked stunning. It took me aback I was at a loss for words damn near. Needless to say we all went to see the movie and grabbed some ice cream after and everything went pretty well but the whole time she just had something about her that I still can't place my finger on. She made my heart race and made me feel butterflies in my stomach like no one else ever really has before.

After some long thought and consideration I've decided that I'm going to ask if she would be interested in going out again but this time 1 on 1 in a real date situation. I've made mistakes in the past of waiting too long to make a move and then finding out much much later that I actually had a chance but let my shyness get the best of me. I've figured the worst thing that could happen is they could tell me they aren't interested and I just move on from there, but I know I'm gonna beat myself up so much if I don't ask because honestly this girl is a gem (in my eyes at least.) 

I guess this was less of a question and more of a gut spilling share. All my female friends have been begging me for the 'juicy details' as it were and the whole thing makes me feel like I'm in highschool again and has me grinning like an idiot at the thought of it haha.


----------



## russmuller

cheosamad21 said:


> Hey guys. I figured this is probably the best place to share my experiences of the last few weeks.
> 
> So as some probably know a few months ago my girlfriend of 5 years left me to date my best friend and it was all handled in a really awful thoughtless way and left me pretty broken up. Thanks to the help of all of my friends and family I'm just about over it at this point and have regained my ability to sleep and it no longer constantly consumes my thoughts like it used to. There's a bit of healing left to do but I feel back to my old self again.
> 
> Recently I've taken this new feeling of liberation and happiness as a chance to reinvent myself. I shaved off my hair that I'd been growing for years and years and years, overhauled my wardrobe, bought some new guitar gear, and really started getting out of my comfort zone. I started getting into cars and trying to form a much healthier social life as I've come to realize sitting inside, masturbating, and listening to music all day every day isn't good for you.
> 
> Flash back say 3 weeks. My friends invited me to a Super Smash Bros tournament. It was pretty cool and I met a lot of new people there but one really stuck out. A girl named Adriana was there with one of her friends and something about them just instantly caught my eye. They were simply put beautiful and I couldn't stop myself from catching glances way too many times throughout that night. By the end of the night we were talking and joking around and having a pretty good time. I added them on facebook and then after a few days caught some balls and said hello. We've talked pretty much every day since.
> 
> Now lets rewind to yesterday. I invited her out to go see Paper Towns with Me, my best friend, and his girlfriend. We pulled up to pick her up from her house and my jaw nearly hit the floor. The only time that I had seen her prior was at the Smash tourney and she looked super cute then. She came walking out of the house all dolled up in this nice white dress with these amazing white shorts and she looked stunning. It took me aback I was at a loss for words damn near. Needless to say we all went to see the movie and grabbed some ice cream after and everything went pretty well but the whole time she just had something about her that I still can't place my finger on. She made my heart race and made me feel butterflies in my stomach like no one else ever really has before.
> 
> After some long thought and consideration I've decided that I'm going to ask if she would be interested in going out again but this time 1 on 1 in a real date situation. I've made mistakes in the past of waiting too long to make a move and then finding out much much later that I actually had a chance but let my shyness get the best of me. I've figured the worst thing that could happen is they could tell me they aren't interested and I just move on from there, but I know I'm gonna beat myself up so much if I don't ask because honestly this girl is a gem (in my eyes at least.)
> 
> I guess this was less of a question and more of a gut spilling share. All my female friends have been begging me for the 'juicy details' as it were and the whole thing makes me feel like I'm in highschool again and has me grinning like an idiot at the thought of it haha.



Two points to make here:

1- GOOD FOR YOU, MAN!!! It sucks what happened, but it sounds like you're moving on nicely.
2- GO FOR IT!!!


----------



## naw38

^ go for it dude, swift like the wind!

Also, I discovered last night that apparently the third date is the appropriate time to reveal that you're a racist, slut shaming, all round bad person. That was... Disappointing.


----------



## TheHandOfStone

She-Hulk Hogan?


----------



## naw38

But with nicer hair and far less money. I was really starting to like her before that happened too. She also spent the greater part of the evening texting some other guy she's seeing and trading abusife messages with her ex. But we did have sex and play a round of Magic, so not a complete loss.


----------



## cheosamad21

Ended up not working out how I wanted but I can at least say I actually tried. I'd rather have a concrete answer then not be certain lol. Back to playing guitar.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Hmm... Screw it...

Aaaaaaaaaaafternoon delight....


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

Hey guys.

I'm in a pickle. Met a girl about 3 weeks ago at a rodeo, thought she was cute so I added her on Facebook. (Simple find with many mutual friends.) Didn't talk to her though, and didn't plan on it.
Fast forward 3 weeks and we're hanging out amongst a few mutual friends at a hangout spot out of town a little bit, barbequing and having a couple beers. She seemed to follow me around a little bit and when I spoke and nobody hears me, she always did. Seemed pretty attentive to me. Which, is cool.

Also, I had only ever met her once before at this point. But she said to another friend and I heard that "Oh, my mom knows who [my name] is"... All I could think, is how? 

Maybe she likes me, it seems like it judging by body language, I'm doubtful after so many rejections, so I'm not even going to say anything, I'll let her say something first if it be the case.

Anyways, we were all making plans to head way out into the woods that night and hangout at a different spot. We all split ways to head home and trailer up the atv's/mud trucks for the night... And she liked pretty much every Facebook post I made that morning, as well as commenting on a few. We sent a couple posts back and forth on a comments section on one of my posts. 

To which she sends me a facebook message "Just text me, XXX-XXX-XXXX"

So I do, and we end up nonstop texting until meeting up that night. It was a good night. 

Here's my pickle, it never occurred to me to ask how old she is... I'm 20, 2 months from 21.
I asked a friend of mine how old she is, and ends up that she's 16.

Fvck. She seems real cool, but how bad is 21 and 16? I know it's legal in my state, but is it morally acceptable?


----------



## cheosamad21

ZeroTolerance94 said:


> Hey guys.
> 
> I'm in a pickle. Met a girl about 3 weeks ago at a rodeo, thought she was cute so I added her on Facebook. (Simple find with many mutual friends.) Didn't talk to her though, and didn't plan on it.
> Fast forward 3 weeks and we're hanging out amongst a few mutual friends at a hangout spot out of town a little bit, barbequing and having a couple beers. She seemed to follow me around a little bit and when I spoke and nobody hears me, she always did. Seemed pretty attentive to me. Which, is cool.
> 
> Also, I had only ever met her once before at this point. But she said to another friend and I heard that "Oh, my mom knows who [my name] is"... All I could think, is how?
> 
> Maybe she likes me, it seems like it judging by body language, I'm doubtful after so many rejections, so I'm not even going to say anything, I'll let her say something first if it be the case.
> 
> Anyways, we were all making plans to head way out into the woods that night and hangout at a different spot. We all split ways to head home and trailer up the atv's/mud trucks for the night... And she liked pretty much every Facebook post I made that morning, as well as commenting on a few. We sent a couple posts back and forth on a comments section on one of my posts.
> 
> To which she sends me a facebook message "Just text me, XXX-XXX-XXXX"
> 
> So I do, and we end up nonstop texting until meeting up that night. It was a good night.
> 
> Here's my pickle, it never occurred to me to ask how old she is... I'm 20, 2 months from 21.
> I asked a friend of mine how old she is, and ends up that she's 16.
> 
> Fvck. She seems real cool, but how bad is 21 and 16? I know it's legal in my state, but is it morally acceptable?



That's really pushing that sorta acceptable age barrier.


----------



## asher

There's a formula for that, but I can't remember what exactly it is


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Five years isn't a horrible age difference if you're in it for the long haul. To be perfectly honest though, that's young. Young enough where she might not be totally there. Hell, people in their 20's tend to be finicky and weird, it's worse when they can turn around and make it worse for you based on age alone.

The waters are a little murky when it comes to 16 year olds and someone who isn't too far off in age. It really comes down to how meaningful your relationship is and how trustworthy you are to each other. Considering you've talked to her on like 2 or 3 occasions, I wouldn't even be close to thinking with my doodle. I personally say avoid the trouble. For some people it could easily work, but it doesn't seem like all the pieces are there for smooth, respectable, sailing for you.

edit: I don't think I stressed it nearly enough. I think it's a bad idea for you to go anywhere with it in the current state your relationship is in. I have a friend who's in a relationship with a girl he met when he was turning 20 and she was 16. It ended well for them because they formed a damn good friendship before it came to romance/whatever. They knew each other very well, and knew they weren't doing anything that might be regrettable when they actually got together.

This just has "bad idea" written all over it.

edit edit: http://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/florida-statutory-rape-laws.htm (judging by your "location.")

'Tis a bad idea to the fullest. Even the whole "Romeo and Juliet" thing doesn't have you covered since you're outside of the 4 year window.


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

Yeah. I know what you're saying. I didn't even realize how young she was until my friend told me, anyways. I just found out today. 

I'm not going to "avoid" her, or avoid talking to her. But I definitely won't be the first to bring anything up even closely related to this topic in conversation.

I really only just met her, I'll be her friend... But I definitely won't be the one to escalate anything there.


----------



## Konfyouzd

ZeroTolerance94 said:


> Hey guys.
> 
> I'm in a pickle. Met a girl about 3 weeks ago at a rodeo, thought she was cute so I added her on Facebook. (Simple find with many mutual friends.) Didn't talk to her though, and didn't plan on it.
> Fast forward 3 weeks and we're hanging out amongst a few mutual friends at a hangout spot out of town a little bit, barbequing and having a couple beers. She seemed to follow me around a little bit and when I spoke and nobody hears me, she always did. Seemed pretty attentive to me. Which, is cool.
> 
> Also, I had only ever met her once before at this point. But she said to another friend and I heard that "Oh, my mom knows who [my name] is"... All I could think, is how?
> 
> Maybe she likes me, it seems like it judging by body language, I'm doubtful after so many rejections, so I'm not even going to say anything, I'll let her say something first if it be the case.
> 
> Anyways, we were all making plans to head way out into the woods that night and hangout at a different spot. We all split ways to head home and trailer up the atv's/mud trucks for the night... And she liked pretty much every Facebook post I made that morning, as well as commenting on a few. We sent a couple posts back and forth on a comments section on one of my posts.
> 
> To which she sends me a facebook message "Just text me, XXX-XXX-XXXX"
> 
> So I do, and we end up nonstop texting until meeting up that night. It was a good night.
> 
> Here's my pickle, it never occurred to me to ask how old she is... I'm 20, 2 months from 21.
> I asked a friend of mine how old she is, and ends up that she's 16.
> 
> Fvck. She seems real cool, but how bad is 21 and 16? I know it's legal in my state, but is it morally acceptable?



I'm 29... I was wearing OUT a 19 year old a few months back...

The difference is we're both legal... 

Hmm... Sixteen also explains why she seems so eager. I'd release that one back into the wild...

Also... My friend's brother is now a registered sex offender as a result of a consensual interaction with a 16-year-old. It's not game.


----------



## Konfyouzd

asher said:


> There's a formula for that, but I can't remember what exactly it is


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

Chokey Chicken said:


> edit edit: Florida Statutory Rape Laws & Criminal Penalties | Criminal Law (judging by your "location.")
> 
> 'Tis a bad idea to the fullest. Even the whole "Romeo and Juliet" thing doesn't have you covered since you're outside of the 4 year window.



http://www.flsenate.gov/PublishedContent/Session/2012/InterimReports/2012-214cj.pdf

According to that it's fine until age 23. The "4 year window" is if the victim is 14 or 15. 16-23 is legal in Florida.

I'm not even worried about that to begin with, I'm just curious what people's moral stand point would be to a 16 and 21 year old dating, not necessarily even having sex.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I'm not the one to ask about morals. I'm really more concerned with your patience and/or freedom.


----------



## UnderTheSign

ZeroTolerance94 said:


> Yeah. I know what you're saying. I didn't even realize how young she was until my friend told me, anyways. I just found out today.
> 
> I'm not going to "avoid" her, or avoid talking to her. But I definitely won't be the first to bring anything up even closely related to this topic in conversation.
> 
> I really only just met her, I'll be her friend... But I definitely won't be the one to escalate anything there.


I'd avoid letting her be the one to escalate too. Young folks & bad decisions create bad memories.


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

Konfyouzd said:


> I'm not the one to ask about morals. I'm really more concerned with your patience and/or freedom.



I'll be alright man, lol. I'm just asking you guys about this situation to see what _you_ would do. There isn't even a relationship at all to speak of, just like 250 text messages, maybe.
I was texting her all evening yesterday, and today quite a bit.

It wasn't until today I found out her age. I just think too far into the future sometimes lol. Expectations nearly never meet reality, though.

Edit:


UnderTheSign said:


> I'd avoid letting her be the one to escalate too. Young folks & bad decisions create bad memories.



Yeah, you're probably right on that.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I think incredibly far into the future and I think that's my main problem. But... Yea I wouldn't do it. Too many other women that won't be a "risk"--if you will--for that one to be worthwhile unless you've got some sort of long standing previous relationship like Chokey mentioned.


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

Konfyouzd said:


> I think incredibly far into the future and I think that's my main problem. But... Yea I wouldn't do it. Too many other women that won't be a "risk"--if you will--for that one to be worthwhile unless you've got some sort of long standing previous relationship like Chokey mentioned.



Yeah, did a bit of internet reading here... Seems that the majority of folk wouldn't agree with a 5 year age difference, unless it's 18 and 23, or older. 

I'll still be her friend, because who knows 2 years from now... But yeah. I live in a _really_ small town. Meeting new people/people who just moved in to town is a pretty big rarity lol.

Seems like anything there would probably have to wait a couple years. Oh well, this is why I ask lol.


----------



## BlackMastodon

ZeroTolerance94 said:


> Hey guys.
> 
> I'm in a pickle. Met a girl about 3 weeks ago at a rodeo, thought she was cute so I added her on Facebook. (Simple find with many mutual friends.) Didn't talk to her though, and didn't plan on it.
> Fast forward 3 weeks and we're hanging out amongst a few mutual friends at a hangout spot out of town a little bit, barbequing and having a couple beers. She seemed to follow me around a little bit and when I spoke and nobody hears me, she always did. Seemed pretty attentive to me. Which, is cool.
> 
> Also, I had only ever met her once before at this point. But she said to another friend and I heard that "Oh, my mom knows who [my name] is"... All I could think, is how?
> 
> Maybe she likes me, it seems like it judging by body language, I'm doubtful after so many rejections, so I'm not even going to say anything, I'll let her say something first if it be the case.
> 
> Anyways, we were all making plans to head way out into the woods that night and hangout at a different spot. We all split ways to head home and trailer up the atv's/mud trucks for the night... And she liked pretty much every Facebook post I made that morning, as well as commenting on a few. We sent a couple posts back and forth on a comments section on one of my posts.
> 
> To which she sends me a facebook message "Just text me, XXX-XXX-XXXX"
> 
> So I do, and we end up nonstop texting until meeting up that night. It was a good night.
> 
> Here's my pickle, it never occurred to me to ask how old she is... I'm 20, 2 months from 21.
> I asked a friend of mine how old she is, and ends up that she's 16.
> 
> Fvck. She seems real cool, but how bad is 21 and 16? I know it's legal in my state, but is it morally acceptable?


Nuuuuuuuuupe. Not even close to worth trying on that one dude. My personal rule is if she can't buy her own booze/go out for a drink with me, there's no way. Then again I come from a place where 19 is the drinking age, and now that I'm in the states I have to bump that up to 21 which is still fine. I'd say keep it above 18, whatever the laws may be. To me it's just....weird to go for anyone under the age of 18 when you're over 20.



asher said:


> There's a formula for that, but I can't remember what exactly it is


Your age divided by 2, round up to the nearest whole number, add 7.
Ex: You're 25. 25/2 = 12.5 ~= 13 + 7 == 20


----------



## MFB

asher said:


> There's a formula for that, but I can't remember what exactly it is



Half your age plus seven is the youngest your allowed to date.


----------



## BusinessMan

So I got engaged this weekend!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Dude... That's a real formula? 

So let's do some math...

15 + 7 = I've been fvckin' up...


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Just like any "rule" (especially rule of thumb) it's contextual and there are exceptions. As I said before, for some people it can work, but in general it's bad idea. Personally 5 years (and who here even knows how far into 16 she is, she could turn 17 tomorrow) isn't a huge deal.

But I'll stop there as it'll seem like I'm condoning it more than I am. Definitely stay friends, and if things progress in a year or so's time then who cares? If she wants to jump your bones within the year, it's just begging for trouble. Young folks are super fickle. All it takes is for her mood to shift (like that's never happened with a 16 year old before) for things to completely disintegrate.

My final bit of advice on the topic is simply this. If one source says one thing and a second source says another thing, I'd side with the safer source. That is to say one says 16 is doable, another says it's a no go? I'd stick to assuming it's a no-go.

edit: Congrats, BusinessMan!


----------



## FILTHnFEAR

ZeroTolerance94 said:


> Hey guys.
> 
> I'm in a pickle. Met a girl about 3 weeks ago at a rodeo, thought she was cute so I added her on Facebook. (Simple find with many mutual friends.) Didn't talk to her though, and didn't plan on it.
> Fast forward 3 weeks and we're hanging out amongst a few mutual friends at a hangout spot out of town a little bit, barbequing and having a couple beers. She seemed to follow me around a little bit and when I spoke and nobody hears me, she always did. Seemed pretty attentive to me. Which, is cool.
> 
> Also, I had only ever met her once before at this point. But she said to another friend and I heard that "Oh, my mom knows who [my name] is"... All I could think, is how?
> 
> Maybe she likes me, it seems like it judging by body language, I'm doubtful after so many rejections, so I'm not even going to say anything, I'll let her say something first if it be the case.
> 
> Anyways, we were all making plans to head way out into the woods that night and hangout at a different spot. We all split ways to head home and trailer up the atv's/mud trucks for the night... And she liked pretty much every Facebook post I made that morning, as well as commenting on a few. We sent a couple posts back and forth on a comments section on one of my posts.
> 
> To which she sends me a facebook message "Just text me, XXX-XXX-XXXX"
> 
> So I do, and we end up nonstop texting until meeting up that night. It was a good night.
> 
> Here's my pickle, it never occurred to me to ask how old she is... I'm 20, 2 months from 21.
> I asked a friend of mine how old she is, and ends up that she's 16.
> 
> Fvck. She seems real cool, but how bad is 21 and 16? I know it's legal in my state, but is it morally acceptable?



Hahaaa! You already hit it and now you're sweatin it, huh? 

J/k

On a serious though note, seeing as I'm 36 and my ex was 22 I can't say anything about dating a younger girl, but it definitely has it's downs(and some pretty nifty ups too). 5 years isn't that big of a difference at all, but at 16 it could be, very easily. If she was 20 and you were 25 it'd be a different story.



Chokey Chicken said:


> Just like any "rule" (especially rule of thumb) it's contextual and there are exceptions. As I said before, for some people it can work, but in general it's bad idea. Personally 5 years (and who here even knows how far into 16 she is, she could turn 17 tomorrow) isn't a huge deal.
> 
> But I'll stop there as it'll seem like I'm condoning it more than I am. Definitely stay friends, and if things progress in a year or so's time then who cares? If she wants to jump your bones within the year, it's just begging for trouble. Young folks are super fickle. All it takes is for her mood to shift (like that's never happened with a 16 year old before) for things to completely disintegrate.
> 
> My final bit of advice on the topic is simply this. If one source says one thing and a second source says another thing, I'd side with the safer source. That is to say one says 16 is doable, another says it's a no go? I'd stick to assuming it's a no-go.
> 
> edit: Congrats, BusinessMan!



What I wanted to say(but didn't want to type it all out) and more.  Well said Chokey.



Konfyouzd said:


> Dude... That's a real formula?
> 
> So let's do some math...
> 
> 15 + 7 = I've been fvckin' up...



18 + 7 = 

.... it!


----------



## Konfyouzd

I feel you on the ups and downs. When the gaps occur in certain ranges there are HUGE gaps in your understanding of the world. Dating girls in their early 20s is weird as I approach my 30s. Some of them still live with their parents and often take a LOT of things for granted. 

Further, I moved out of my parents' house relatively early--at least in comparison to some folks in my area. So the way I see things is just VERY different from some folks even close to me in age. 

But... The ups... Well... 

... So energetic.


----------



## FILTHnFEAR

Konfyouzd said:


> When the gaps occur in certain ranges there are HUGE gaps in your understanding of the world. Dating girls in their early 20s is weird as I approach my 30s. Some of them still live with their parents and often take a LOT of things for granted.
> 
> But... The ups... Well...
> 
> ... So energetic.


----------



## cheosamad21

So almost as if by fate today not 24 hours after being shot down I learn that this person is really into those party drugs like E and Molly ect and I'm now actually really glad that this bullet was dodged haha. I mean to each their own but that's a deal breaker for me.


----------



## Konfyouzd

A lot of those girls are... Ehh... 

The rave scene isn't as pretty as it looks from the outside. Not that I've been there. I just talk to some that are into that. It kind of seems like a scene that just glamourizes addiction to an uncomfortable degree depending on the circles.

Granted... Some of those drugs *are* fun. Anyone that's "really into them" would make me nervous too.


----------



## cheosamad21

Konfyouzd said:


> A lot of those girls are... Ehh...
> 
> The rave scene isn't as pretty as it looks from the outside. Not that I've been there. I just talk to some that are into that. It kind of seems like a scene that just glamourizes addiction to an uncomfortable degree depending on the circles.
> 
> Granted... Some of those drugs *are* fun. Anyone that's "really into them" would make me nervous too.



I'm not into the 'rave scene.' I've gone to a few EDM shows because I genuinely like the artists music and their light shows are always top notch but I think the 'ravers' are obnoxious and disgusting. It's not cool to be piss drunk high off your ass running around screaming bro covered in puke and glow sticks. I'm sure some of those drugs are fun, but call me a ....., but I'm not really interested in altering my state of mind really. Guess I'm the odd one out and I'm fine with that.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I don't think it makes you odd in the slightest... As you said... Diff'rent strokes. 

Knowing what you want is key.


----------



## FILTHnFEAR

Konfyouzd said:


> A lot of those girls are... Ehh...
> 
> The rave scene isn't as pretty as it looks from the outside.
> 
> Granted... Some of those drugs *are* fun. Anyone that's "really into them" would make me nervous too.



Most of those girls are pretty "iffy". The scene can get extremely ugly quick. And even though some of those drugs are *a lot* of fun, *in moderation*, moderation isn't the norm amongst those circles. 



cheosamad21 said:


> I'm sure some of those drugs are fun, but call me a ....., but I'm not really interested in altering my state of mind really. Guess I'm the odd one out and I'm fine with that.



Nothing wrong with all that, man. 

Sober, clear minded friends are always handy.


----------



## cheosamad21

Funny enough this is actually the second chick that I've been into that as soon as it's no longer a possibility I find out they're into doing drugs and I'm just like crisis avoided.


----------



## piggins411

When you're young, I don't think it's actually the age gap that's a problem. The problem is that you're both likely in _very_ different places in your life. I personally wouldn't want to date someone under 21 as BlackMastodon mentioned, but I'm not sure I'd want to date an 18 year old anyway. I'm in a place where I'm trying to get a career together and I just don't see it working out with someone who isn't in a similar place or headed there soon. When you're a bit older, a 3 year age gap is nothing


----------



## naw38

That can be kind of relative though - I got married pretty young, and I'm pretty sure it completely stunted my mental growth and I haven't actually grown up at all in the last seven years.


----------



## buffa d

Still a child at heart, eh?  Not necessarily a bad thing


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

Well, i'm actually 20, and she's 16.

I turn 21 in september, she turns 17 in november.

So the 21-16 gap exists for about 2 months.
Closer to 4 years 2 months than 5 years.

Still, like mentioned here... It's not so much the number, its the points in our life. She's home schooled, but still in school, nonetheless. 
I've been working in my life-long career here since I was 18, about 2 and a half years at this point. 

There's a big difference between the two. So 4 years may not be a lot, but I can definitely see at our specific age gap, the vast differences in maturity and life.

So I don't think I could date her, not until she gets out of school anyways, age regardless. That's a big factor for me, that I'm realizing now.


----------



## MetalheadMC

Anyone else self inflict their future, but yet hate the woman you left because shes with someone else? May be just me, but it's detrimental either side of the spectrum.

And if you've ever listened to 'banging my head against the wall' by A new Revolution, then maybe you underunderstand


----------



## asher

self inflict their future?


----------



## MetalheadMC

asher said:


> self inflict their future?



Yeah sorry. Poor choice of words there. I was in a different mindset. 

Basically, I had to end my marriage because of complete unhappiness, but yet I have this scenario playing in my head where I believe she had it planned all along, and already had someone else in waiting. Happened in my first one and I was right, even though I had no concrete evidence until after the fact. 

Just mainly feeling jealousy for some f&#363;cking reason, betrayal, and a lot of anger. I restrained myself through the night fighting inner demons over the whole thing which is why I made the post


----------



## MetalheadMC

Well I talked to a good friend of mine and he was confused to why it bothered me so much, since this is ultimately what I wanted since I couldn't be happy with her. That really put me into perspective and somehow all the anger and rage went away. Funny how that works


----------



## BucketheadRules

Hmmm... been trying to arrange another date (?) with the girl I've been talking to recently, we last saw each other briefly about a week and half ago, having seen each other one evening the week before that. We're both quite tied up - she was on holiday last week and is now back at work pretty much full time, and I'm playing in a show this week so I've got a ton of stuff on... then a few clear days, then I'm going on holiday for a week.

She said she'll let me know if she has any days off, because she doesn't yet know for sure when she's working next week. But if that doesn't happen, it might be that the next time we see each other will be after I get back from my holiday, which is over two weeks from now. So really that's about a month between the first "date" and the second proper one... is that bad news? I mean, it seems like a hell of a long time to leave it, even if we both have plenty of good reasons. We're still talking online pretty regularly throughout all this. There hasn't yet been any suggestion of it being a "thing", but we both seem up for seeing each other again and I aim to try and make the move next time I see her.

Thoughts?


----------



## asher

Just keep things going so that she stays excited to see you when you guys can make it work


----------



## vilk

If you go on a date and it goes well and then you're both too busy to see each other even though you'd really like to, it generally means the next date is gonna have some crazy awesome sex.


----------



## BucketheadRules

vilk said:


> If you go on a date and it goes well and then you're both too busy to see each other even though you'd really like to, it generally means the next date is gonna have some crazy awesome sex.



I'll keep that in mind


----------



## Ajaydizzle

Ok so here goes. I&#8217;ve been dating this girl for 3 months now and it has been awesome. We are both 25 and she has a kid from a previous relationship, who is pretty cool as well. We met through mutual friends and made a great connection. We had been spending almost every night together for the past two months and things seemed to be going great! Last week however, the flirty texts and snapchats slowly dwindled into nothingness and I couldn&#8217;t really get her to be responsive in the same way she had been. I noticed right away because honestly, that part of her was one of the things that drew me in. It was a rough week for her admittedly. Her Aunt passed away and she said that she was in a funk from all the stress at work (and essentially being a single mom with a child who works 40+ hours a week). I asked if it was anything that I had done and she said no, not at all. We spent the weekend apart and she caught up with her family and spent some time with her friends and things were in a holding pattern between us, just exchanging &#8220;what are you up to&#8221; texts. She did invite me over one night but I declined because I think she was pretty drunk (

Well I went over to her place after work on monday and we watched some netflix together. She seemed a little distant and wasn&#8217;t very affectionate. I decided to just ask her what she though about our relationship (we never really spoke seriously about it, it was just an assumed thing). She said we took it a little fast and it kinda freaked her out. I understood and asked her if she still wanted to be with me and if she cared about me. She said that she did still want to be with me just not the every night thing we had been doing for now. So we went to bed and she kissed me and hugged me and whatever, called me babe, slept in eachothers arms&#8230; etc. Then I left for work the next day and it just felt like things are back to being distant. She doesn&#8217;t reach out, I have to do that. I guess what I am asking is am I just freaking out or do you think what she is saying is just appeasing me until she makes the decision to end things. I&#8217;m losing sleep over this and it just sucks.


----------



## russmuller

Ajaydizzle said:


> Ok so here goes. I&#8217;ve been dating this girl for 3 months now and it has been awesome. We are both 25 and she has a kid from a previous relationship, who is pretty cool as well. We met through mutual friends and made a great connection. We had been spending almost every night together for the past two months and things seemed to be going great! Last week however, the flirty texts and snapchats slowly dwindled into nothingness and I couldn&#8217;t really get her to be responsive in the same way she had been. I noticed right away because honestly, that part of her was one of the things that drew me in. It was a rough week for her admittedly. Her Aunt passed away and she said that she was in a funk from all the stress at work (and essentially being a single mom with a child who works 40+ hours a week). I asked if it was anything that I had done and she said no, not at all. We spent the weekend apart and she caught up with her family and spent some time with her friends and things were in a holding pattern between us, just exchanging &#8220;what are you up to&#8221; texts. She did invite me over one night but I declined because I think she was pretty drunk (
> 
> Well I went over to her place after work on monday and we watched some netflix together. She seemed a little distant and wasn&#8217;t very affectionate. I decided to just ask her what she though about our relationship (we never really spoke seriously about it, it was just an assumed thing). She said we took it a little fast and it kinda freaked her out. I understood and asked her if she still wanted to be with me and if she cared about me. She said that she did still want to be with me just not the every night thing we had been doing for now. So we went to bed and she kissed me and hugged me and whatever, called me babe, slept in eachothers arms&#8230; etc. Then I left for work the next day and it just felt like things are back to being distant. She doesn&#8217;t reach out, I have to do that. I guess what I am asking is am I just freaking out or do you think what she is saying is just appeasing me until she makes the decision to end things. I&#8217;m losing sleep over this and it just sucks.



It sounds like she's just a bit spooked; fear of success is a real thing, not to mention that you re-evaluate a lot of stuff when you lose a family member. Perhaps she feels guilty that she isn't paying enough attention to the kid, or some other aspect of life that has been eclipsed by your relationship. Unless she feels like sharing, there's really no way to know.

It's easy to lose yourself in a relationship, especially a new one. But just because something is the most interesting and exciting thing in your world, doesn't mean it's the only thing in your world. After a while, other interests and priorities creep back in, but now there's the expectation of spending all your time together.

My advice is not to push her. The more pressure she feels, the more she'll be repelled from the situation. Show her that she can have the space she wants without being pestered, and do your best to have a mutually enjoyable time when you're together. The combination of not repelling her and making your encounters enjoyable is probably the best way to restore her confidence.

That's my $0.02 anyway.


----------



## Ajaydizzle

russmuller said:


> It sounds like she's just a bit spooked; fear of success is a real thing, not to mention that you re-evaluate a lot of stuff when you lose a family member. Perhaps she feels guilty that she isn't paying enough attention to the kid, or some other aspect of life that has been eclipsed by your relationship. Unless she feels like sharing, there's really no way to know.
> 
> It's easy to lose yourself in a relationship, especially a new one. But just because something is the most interesting and exciting thing in your world, doesn't mean it's the only thing in your world. After a while, other interests and priorities creep back in, but now there's the expectation of spending all your time together.
> 
> My advice is not to push her. The more pressure she feels, the more she'll be repelled from the situation. Show her that she can have the space she wants without being pestered, and do your best to have a mutually enjoyable time when you're together. The combination of not repelling her and making your encounters enjoyable is probably the best way to restore her confidence.
> 
> That's my $0.02 anyway.



Somehow you've managed to sum it all up pretty nicely, which I really appreciate! Honestly this is my first serious relationship in about 3 years after dating someone for 4 years throughout high school (it was pretty bad, lots of fighting, cheating on her end, had a kid and gave him up for adoption... his adoptive family is awesome btw  ). New GF had got out of a relationship about a month prior to starting one with me. The hardest part for me was just how quickly everything dropped off. I just don't know if I should just let her be for now and wait until she responds or continue to contact her. 

Thanks again for the response


----------



## MetalheadMC

What russmuller said is 100% I believe. 

I will just say from my experience, once you get out of a long relationship, you need to find yourself and be independent once again. It's seems like you're good there, but with her being out of a relationship for only a month, she made need more time than she originally thought

I don't see a problem with talking to her occasionally and showing you're there for her, but like russ mentioned, dont push the issue, and hopefully things will work out for you man


----------



## Ajaydizzle

I suppose I should have considered that fact. I had been available for quite some time and jumping right in was all I wanted to do lol. I do have a tendency to over analyze all this stuff... I just don't want to shoot myself in the foot over it.


----------



## MetalheadMC

Ajaydizzle said:


> I suppose I should have considered that fact. I had been available for quite some time and jumping right in was all I wanted to do lol. I do have a tendency to over analyze all this stuff... I just don't want to shoot myself in the foot over it.



I understand man. When it's fun like you mentioned, it's super easy to get caught up in the moment. Over analyzing things, especially relationship wise is common in my opinion. It's hard not to.


----------



## Ajaydizzle

I appreciate the support guys, I will update when I am able to. Thanks again!!


----------



## Fretless

A few months ago one of my coworkers suggested I go on Eharmony and at least give that a shot. I honestly did not have high hopes, but I figured there was no harm in at least trying. I didn't find anyone to talk to, and was starting to loose faith in finding someone on there with similar enough interests to mine, so I was thinking about deleting my account. I then decided to look at the long distance matches to see what I could find, just in the event that someone was within a reasonable distance outside of my original radius.

Well needless to say I found someone who I think is absolutely amazing. I honestly didn't think she would even reply to me, but sure enough a few weeks later, we talk almost non stop. We get along very well, and are very like minded in our interests and goals. So here is to the future! Life is looking better than it has in a long time!


----------



## vilk

My biggest advice about e-dating is that you should not get excited about any girl you haven't met in person. 
I've hit it off with at TON of beautiful girls with similar interests and we talk for a couple weeks and I feel like "wow this girl is great we're an awesome match" and then nothing ever happens no matter how many times you ask them out. Or just up out of the blue they stop responding or delete their profile.
It might be different on eharmony since it's for working adults who pay for it, as opposed to okcupid which is mostly for girls to flame their own egos. 
But my point remains that even if someone seems really, really cool--you don't know if they're totally awful in real life, and you don't know that you will ever even meet them.

I feel bad telling you this because you're using this online crush as a way to make yourself feel that life is looking up--but that is the exact kind of thinking I'm advocating against. 

Based of my experience on OKC over the course of like 4 years.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Shouldn't get excited about ones you HAVE met either. They too have the propensity to be flaky and also to grossly misrepresent themselves often based on the assumption you did the same. 

And if relationship success is what determines how full your glass is, there are other problems.


----------



## MetalheadMC

Konfyouzd said:


> Shouldn't get excited about ones you HAVE met either. They too have the propensity to be flaky and also to grossly misrepresent themselves often based on the assumption you did the same.
> 
> And if relationship success is what determines how full your glass is, there are other problems.



That's a very good perspective. Well said


----------



## Fretless

vilk said:


> My biggest advice about e-dating is that you should not get excited about any girl you haven't met in person.
> I've hit it off with at TON of beautiful girls with similar interests and we talk for a couple weeks and I feel like "wow this girl is great we're an awesome match" and then nothing ever happens no matter how many times you ask them out. Or just up out of the blue they stop responding or delete their profile.
> It might be different on eharmony since it's for working adults who pay for it, as opposed to okcupid which is mostly for girls to flame their own egos.
> But my point remains that even if someone seems really, really cool--you don't know if they're totally awful in real life, and you don't know that you will ever even meet them.
> 
> I feel bad telling you this because you're using this online crush as a way to make yourself feel that life is looking up--but that is the exact kind of thinking I'm advocating against.
> 
> Based of my experience on OKC over the course of like 4 years.



Nah no worries man. I totally know what you are saying. I've been there on free dating sites, and have been through that before. It definitely feels different from past experiences on free sites, so hopefully there is that. 

And to clarify, that is not the only thing that is making that my life look like it's taking a swing for the better. I also just got a new job at the Sheriff's Office that I work for (in the IT field that I have been trying for two years to get into, and it pays way more). I am happy with where I live, and just a few other thing that are looking great. So really just meeting her online, is just kind of the icing on the cake if it works out. If it doesn't then it doesn't and I won't let that ruin the fact that I am enjoying myself in the now, if that makes any sense.


----------



## Ajaydizzle

Ajaydizzle said:


> I appreciate the support guys, I will update when I am able to. Thanks again!!



Update - So I went and spent the night with her last night and things still felt about the same. We talked at length about the reasons she is stressed out and I found out that she had been bottling up quite a bit. She had been promised a management job at her current company and was told all the interviews were just a formality. They ended up hiring someone else and that really threw a wrench in her plans. On top of that, she has an uncle who wants her to move 2000 miles away and take over as the owner of his business when he retires. He is pressuring her quite a bit on it. It would be a VERY financially stable job, but She is struggling with that and having to move her daughter away from her family in our current city. It wouldn't be for another year or so, if at all. Where do I fit in? With so many things up in the air for her about the future right now, she said she doesn't want to get to attached if she has to up and move. She doesn't want her daughter to get too attached to me as well and then have to leave. And this is all on top of us taking things pretty fast. 

I told her that its seems like she needed some space away from me and that I was going to spend time with my family this weekend. And again she said that it wasn't like that and that I shouldn't be worrying about it (ya ok lol). She just keeps saying that she is in a Funk and just thinking way too much about it all. So we went to bed and I just told her that I was there for her if she needed anything. 

So thats where I'm at. Still getting out of town for the weekend and hopefully things are a bit better when I return. Fingers crossed.


----------



## MetalheadMC

^^^best thing to do


----------



## asher

Yup. The best thing you can do is let her know you care and that you're there for her _if she wants it_. It's to her to actually make a decision.


----------



## Konfyouzd

asher said:


> It's to her to actually make a decision.



... And I would not advise holding your breath


----------



## BucketheadRules

asher said:


> Just keep things going so that she stays excited to see you when you guys can make it work



Re. this:

I need to find a balance - I want to keep things ticking along obviously, but I don't want to bug her by trying to talk too often, especially if she's busy at the minute. I dunno how best to play it really... last I spoke to her was Friday, I sent her a photo of my cat yawning in an effort to make her smile on her break at work, which seemed to have the desired effect... I guess the occasional thing like that can't hurt, but I'm not sure what else.

Maybe I should look around for something to do next time we see each other (hopefully in a couple of weeks' time) and hit her with an idea at some point, just so she knows the thought is still kicking around my head.

Any ideas? I still feel a little uncomfortable about the huge gap between dates, even though we know we've both been busy rather than just blowing each other off for no reason. I guess my worry is just that any interest she might have in me could have cooled off by the time we next see each other...


----------



## Konfyouzd

I never understand the "bothering them if they're busy'" thing. Even when I'm busy as hell I enjoy hearing from certain people. It can often make the stress of being busy bearable. There's a threshold but I've often found the word "busy" to be a euphemism for "uninterested".


----------



## BucketheadRules

Konfyouzd said:


> I never understand the "bothering them if they're busy'" thing. Even when I'm busy as hell I enjoy hearing from certain people. It can often make the stress of being busy bearable. There's a threshold but I've often found the word "busy" to be a euphemism for "uninterested".



To be fair, she hasn't just said she's "busy", she's actually told me all the stuff she has going on, so I don't _think _she's just trying to stall things.

She's even said that if she has a free day she'll let me know... I'm not used to girls helping me out this much!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Fair enough. Just be warned. I've heard that before and had it be an excuse to casually blow you off. And I've also had it be the truth. Just be prepared for either outcome.


----------



## Fretless

Well I got to meet the woman I hit it off well with from Eharmony. Needless to say, it is going well. I am currently relaxing on my 3 day weekend at her place with her. lol. We hit it off in person just as well as we did online and over the phone.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Konfyouzd said:


> Fair enough. Just be warned. I've heard that before and had it be an excuse to casually blow you off. And I've also had it be the truth. Just be prepared for either outcome.



Fair enough - I've actually just suggested that I come and meet her for lunch one day this week, so I'll see what she says to that.

EDIT: She said she's at work a lot this week and also has plans going on with her family, but she suggested going to get something to eat after she finishes work one day, and that she'd let me know when she's around. If not, she said we'll "definitely" do something after I get back from my week away. Seems like a pretty good result to me!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Definitely sounds promising.... Best of luck. I think it's time to turn my attention to older ladies. They're shaped all nice and I've noticed the closet they get to 40, the less "yolo" I see in them. 

Plus this FINE lil lady in my office actually gives me AMAZING comic book suggestions. I thought by 40 you're supposed to "grow up". 

Sugar. Mama. Material.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I'm having too much fun right now...

The lady that I just mentioned happened to walk by my desk the MOMENT I got back from lunch. So I decided to show her the comic I recently got per her request... 

I'm not sure if I'm psychic or just really good at reading people but she today revealed that the guy who writes them is a dude she used to "see"... I knew that. I knew it from the first time she brought it up. But it also sounded as though he currently has no chance as a result of being halfway across the country.

At any rate... She just confirmed all of that without me having to say or ask ANYTHING. 

"Oh wow! I've never actually seen the individual books!"

She apparently has the omnibus and I'm actually quite jealous...

She then tells me that she and he used to be "friends with benefits"--or so she thought. Turns out he wanted more and she wasn't about that. Now seems to complain that she has no man. Interesting...

At any rate...



Her said:


> He and I used to see each other... I saw it as more of a friends with benefits thing and he seemed to want more.





Me said:


> Ah... So YOU'RE the heartbreaker in this scenario...





Her said:


> (Sounding slightly ashamed) Yea...





Me said:


> Damn, girl... You must be good...





Her said:


> Yea...
> 
> ... Wait... What?





I shouldn't be allowed to speak in certain settings... She doesn't seem upset, though...


----------



## asher




----------



## Konfyouzd

I read the comic. It was so-so. I see why she likes it though. She's all about some romance novels and this one is all ab some dude risking life and limb to save his very stupid girlfriend. Maybe the series gets better. Who knows? I'm gonna see if she'll let me borrow the omnibus.


----------



## BucketheadRules

She said she's just checked and nah, seems like she definitely is too busy. Shame but hey, I guess we'll have to wait until I'm back, by which point it'll have been a month since we last properly saw each other. So I guess I need to just keep the conversation going every so often and suggest an idea or two for what we could do when we finally manage to get something organised?


----------



## asher




----------



## Ajaydizzle

Update 2 -

Welp I made it back from vacation and we haven't said anything since I left. I know I left that up to her but I kinda figured she would have said something, anything... Oh well, now I'm just wondering if she would ever hit me up again if I didn't start a convo. I don't know if I should be the stubborn one in this situation or if I should start the convo. I Don't want to seem needy if in fact she is still wanting her space but if she is trying to end things by just letting things trail off... I would want to know now rather than later. I'm actually good friends with one of her friends (knew her years before they met) and I'm debating asking her if she has said anything, but maybe that is the wrong move as well.

Why does this .... have to be so difficult.


----------



## MetalheadMC

Ajaydizzle said:


> Update 2 -
> 
> Welp I made it back from vacation and we haven't said anything since I left. I know I left that up to her but I kinda figured she would have said something, anything... Oh well, now I'm just wondering if she would ever hit me up again if I didn't start a convo. I don't know if I should be the stubborn one in this situation or if I should start the convo. I Don't want to seem needy if in fact she is still wanting her space but if she is trying to end things by just letting things trail off... I would want to know now rather than later. I'm actually good friends with one of her friends (knew her years before they met) and I'm debating asking her if she has said anything, but maybe that is the wrong move as well.
> 
> Why does this .... have to be so difficult.



I personally wouldn't ask the mutual friend anything. I've been down that road and it never really turned out in my favor. 

If you're that concerned with the girl, just ask her how her day/week has been and make minor small talk time to time. If she doesn't reach out farther than that after a few times, I would probably get the hint and chalk it up. At least YOU put in some effort


----------



## TedEH

Had kind of a weird situation happen recently and not sure where else to vent about it. 

So I've known this lady since high school. We're pretty good friends, and have both had moments in the past that we had been interested in each other one way or another, but things just never happened, we were never single at the same time, etc. She's been with the same fella for a fair while (7 or 8 years I think), and has been venting to me lately that it's not going so well anymore.

Shortly after having spoken at a mutual friends party, I was invited to join them for a drink on Friday after work- it was going to be her, her brother, and her brothers friends (I don't know how many of them, but at least three more people). So I went, and the brothers friends didn't show up. Ok, so just the three of us, that's fine. But he has to catch a bus, so a while later, he leaves. Ended up just being the two of us for a fair amount of the night. We finished our drinks and stayed for a while, and it was nice. 

I agreed to drive her home. Laughed a lot on the way. Even the driving home part of the day was pretty great. But when we got there, I had a sort of "oh sh*t" moment. This felt like a date at this point. I mean, it technically wasn't, but this non-date was a better date than most actual dates I've been on. When I stopped in front of her apartment, there was this awkward moment- the same as the kind of moment you have at the end of a date when you have to decide how to end the night. Like you're sort of assessing how well the night went, and deciding if this is a "we should do this again" or "please get out of my car" or "hey, maybe you'd like to come in for a minute" kind of deal. The car stopped, and I think we both just looked at each other and realized at that point that something was off. It felt like a date but wasn't supposed to be because she's in a relationship, and this was just a friendly... thing? I don't even know.

And that's it. She went inside, and I've not heard about it since. And now I'm frustrated by it because it was a great not-date that's probably never going to happen again.

Rant over. Thanks for listening.


----------



## MetalheadMC

^^^yeah that's a pretty strange situation. Have you not tried to pursue and ask her what she thought about it? I realize she's involved with someone else, but her thoughts at least would give you a peace of mind.

Kudos though for not attempting to make the night longer. Messing with a woman in a relationship has always been bad juju...at least for me anyway


----------



## BucketheadRules

TedEH said:


> This felt like a date at this point. I mean, it technically wasn't, but this non-date was a better date than most actual dates I've been on.



This made me think... how do you know when it feels like a date, really?

I only ask because I know that if I'm going to make my move with this girl, as I want to, it has to really be next time I see her. But I just don't know what her reaction is going to be... clearly she's at least happy with the idea of seeing me again, but I really don't know if she's thinking of this as a dating situation or just the two of us chilling as friends.

I mean, to me it feels like a date because that's how I'm intending for things to go. But I don't know what would make it feel like a date to her, and whether it does already or whether I need to do something differently... am I making sense? It seems like it's going ok - she's clearly interested in seeing me again, but I'm wondering if I'm being too much of a friend, if you catch my drift - we've never really flirted or anything like that. I think there's definitely a chance she's interested, but I don't know, she could just be being nice? I mean, that's just kind of how she is AFAIK...

Boy, overthinking sucks.


----------



## TedEH

MetalheadMC said:


> Have you not tried to pursue and ask her what she thought about it?



I've certainly considered it, but I usually come to the conclusion that throwing more drama into an already rocky relationship is pretty inconsiderate. I mean, it's not some random lady I bumped into on the street, it's an old friend, for whom I don't want to cause any grief. Especially if it turns out that I wildly misinterpreted the situation, in which case I think the conversation might be damaging to everyone involved.



> how do you know when it feels like a date, really?



I haven't read back to any of your posts, so I have no context for this, but I think if you're in a situation where intentions on either side might not be clear, your best bet is to simply make your own intention more clear in whatever way you can and hope she does the same in response. The less vague you are about intentions, I would imagine your date will mirror your transparency. Edit: Use the word "date" when you talk, and see what happens.

For me, it just followed a lot of the patterns I've seen while on other dates. Things like the mildly awkward silences between conversation topics, or just certain mannerisms I picked up on that I don't normally notice (from both of us). I fully admit that maybe I'm the only one who thought anything of it. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part.


----------



## MetalheadMC

TedEH said:


> I've certainly considered it, but I usually come to the conclusion that throwing more drama into an already rocky relationship is pretty inconsiderate. I mean, it's not some random lady I bumped into on the street, it's an old friend, for whom I don't want to cause any grief. Especially if it turns out that I wildly misinterpreted the situation, in which case I think the conversation might be damaging to everyone involved



I understand that and that's truly respectable, but with the information you've given, and it seems honestly that you share between the two of you, I honestly don't see what It would hurt to ask her how she felt. Even if nothing comes of it, and honestly hoping that it doesn't, but if yall share so much, would it be wrong to ask her HER feelings since she's told you so much in the first place?


----------



## TedEH

^ You're probably right, and I think I knew that on some level. Sometimes it helps to see someone else say it.


----------



## MetalheadMC

TedEH said:


> ^ You're probably right, and I think I knew that on some level. Sometimes it helps to see someone else say it.



I know that for a fact. I'm not recommending you be a home wrecker by any means, but if she shares with you, you should be able to share the truth with her. 

You've known her for a bit from what you say so I don't see why that should be a factor. Good luck brother


----------



## TedEH

Thanks for the real-talk, it's been helpful. I probably won't post any update about it unless something goes horribly wrong and I once again can't find an appropriate place to vent about it.


----------



## MetalheadMC

TedEH said:


> Thanks for the real-talk, it's been helpful. I probably won't post any update about it unless something goes horribly wrong and I once again can't find an appropriate place to vent about it.



Understandable, but if you feel the need for real talk either way, good or bad, sso will be here for you to help


----------



## youngthrasher9

Is there a story on why this thread is tagged "Kirk Lazarus is my dad"?


And second, slightly deeper question: how many of you have met current girlfriends or exes at shows? 

I'm going to an Arch Enemy show, a Lamb of God/slipknot show, and a Mastodon show. Is there a remote chance that a decent looking single woman will be at any of those? 

I really want a girl I can connect with musically on some level, it might be just a dream.

Am I crazy for thinking that's even a possibility?


----------



## MetalheadMC

youngthrasher9 said:


> Is there a story on why this thread is tagged "Kirk Lazarus is my dad"?
> 
> 
> And second, slightly deeper question: how many of you have met current girlfriends or exes at shows?
> 
> I'm going to an Arch Enemy show, a Lamb of God/slipknot show, and a Mastodon show. Is there a remote chance that a decent looking single woman will be at any of those?
> 
> I really want a girl I can connect with musically on some level, it might be just a dream.
> 
> Am I crazy for thinking that's even a possibility?



I took my former drummer to an a7x show (I know I know) up.in Knoxville a few years ago. It was general admission so we were standing of course. There was this drunk dude bouncing around and off of people. I looked to my left and there were these 2 chicks and he was hitting on them and f&#363;cking with them pretty hard. They had no interest.

He disappears for a while and I leaned over and told them that if she stands closer to me, he won't bother her anymore. So she did and when he came back he didn't bother them because I was right there.

Later during the show, it wasnt long before she was standing in front me and of course I slyly started rubbing her back or whatever and so she started grinding me during the show. Fully clothed. Nothing to brag about.

Things got a little hot and heavy in the bar between me and her so i figured I would stay around for the night. 
So II got a hotel room for the 4 of us. 

Me and her in one bed doing our thing. My drummer and the other chick were sitting there in the other like Amish people (no offense to anyone that's amish) with their arms folded pillow between them and watching tv. 

So early in the morning like 3 or so I take them home. Wake up the next morning, go to her parents house, and continue what we started the night before. 

Might have texted her a few times after that but I'm not gonna worry about a chick 3 hours away from me. Plus she had just turned 18 and I was 22, plus I had a gf and she would NOT have found out had it not been for my drummer and his damn facebook.

That's a whole different story. 

ANYWAY, look for the chicks being harassed by drunk dudes, save them, and enjoy the night and next morning with them. They're out there


----------



## BucketheadRules

What do we think of bowling as a date idea, any good?


----------



## asher

YEEEEE


----------



## TedEH

youngthrasher9 said:


> And second, slightly deeper question: how many of you have met current girlfriends or exes at shows?



Didn't meet at a show exactly, but I met someone online and the first time we had met in person was when I invited her to a show. We lived together for 4 years after that hah. Don't know if that counts towards what you asked, but it's something.

I did actually end up with a fan of one of my bands at one point. Lasted a month. I can't say I recommend it 'cause she still comes to shows and its mildly awkward.


----------



## vilk

BucketheadRules said:


> What do we think of bowling as a date idea, any good?



Yeah. Bowling or darts or games in general I think are a great date. I took a girl on a date to a big game center place like dave&busters (only a little nicer) and it turned out awesome, and we didn't even have much in common!


----------



## Ibanezsam4

youngthrasher9 said:


> Is there a story on why this thread is tagged "Kirk Lazarus is my dad"?
> 
> 
> And second, slightly deeper question: how many of you have met current girlfriends or exes at shows?
> 
> I'm going to an Arch Enemy show, a Lamb of God/slipknot show, and a Mastodon show. Is there a remote chance that a decent looking single woman will be at any of those?
> 
> I really want a girl I can connect with musically on some level, it might be just a dream.
> 
> Am I crazy for thinking that's even a possibility?



i always avoided women at metal concerts because most of them were with their significant others or looked like they were in high school.. the bands you listed have a very male fan base but it's not out of the realm of possibility. 

then again im too busy moshing and disoriented from headbanging to notice much

EDIT: i also advise going to any social situation looking to get some.. people usually pick up on it unless they're hammered


----------



## Ajaydizzle

Final update - 

First off, thanks for all the support and advice, you guys really are awesome! 

Simply put, its over. We hadn't spoke in about a week and I was just sick of playing games and doing the whole waiting thing. I guess once I had some time to step back and take a look at it I realized that I am not the kind of guy who just wants to sit around and sulk and wonder. I sent her a text basically saying "hey, what is our deal. We are adults and I can handle whatever it is thats going on" She said "I'm Just not ready" to which I responded "I don't know what that means... Not ready for a relationship, not ready to talk just yet, just want me to leave you alone?"...

She said she wasn't ready for a relationship. I told her thanks for the honesty and am leaving it at that. It'll be weird, we have a lot of mutual friends, but I did remove her from my social media. Just don't need that right now. 

Sucks man but after talking a lot with my close friends, this will probably work out best in the end. And who knows? Maybe things will be different in the future... I'm not banking on it though, Just gotta keep moving forward.


----------



## TonyFlyingSquirrel

Celebrating my 12th anniversary this weekend.
I'm completely blessed!


----------



## piggins411

As for the meeting people at concerts things:

I usually see hardly any women at metal concerts and the few I do see are seemingly taken. I wouldn't rule it out, but I wouldn't get my hopes up. Other types of concerts seem to be a bit more balanced


----------



## vilk

Here's something else to consider about girls at metal concerts:
Metalheads are, and I'm sure we can all admit it, mostly nerds and betas. Not that there's anything wrong with that. BUT! It does mean that probably there wont be a bunch of guys showing them attention, aside from oogling at them from afar. So, you know, if you see a cute girl that appears to just be unattached, she might just be waiting for some hunky metal dude to come talk to her. Moreso than say in a bar setting, where the ratio of guys who are out to pickup girls is way higher.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Maybe she's not waiting for anyone to come talk to her at all. She could be 100% comfotable in her independence... And not in the way that you hear most often--where a women will depend on a dude for all of her self confidence, but for whatever reasons believes she's independent because she pays to get her own nails done...

I mean, maybe there are women, just as there are men, who don't give a rat's ass about pairing off--that don't derive any sort of extra pleasure from such a notion... Maybe she's at the show because she likes the headliner, or is supporting one of the openers, or is just bored as hell looking for something to do that night and doesn't give 2 sh!ts about having some random dude hit on her because she looks lonely... 

I don't think people realize how insulting that line of thinking can come across... 

As a man you tend to get the same kinds of ideas thrown at you but under different pretenses... 

"Oh we'll find you a chick, dude..."

What if I'm okay?

"When you get married you'll get it..."

What if that's not in my plans?

The main issue I see with relationships and related topics is that people assume we all want the same thing. How could that possibly be? Just try things and see what happens. Sometimes you'll be pleasantly surprised... Sometimes you won't... 

Forrest Gump told you all you need to know:

"Life's like a box of chocolates... You never know what you're gonna get..."

That said, if you enjoy it for what it is, it still ends up relatively sweet...


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Konfyouzd said:


> I mean, maybe there are women, just as there are men, who don't give a rat's ass about pairing off--that don't derive any sort of extra pleasure from such a notion... Maybe she's at the show because she likes the headliner, or is supporting one of the openers, or is just bored as hell looking for something to do that night and doesn't give 2 sh!ts about having some random dude hit on her because she looks lonely...
> 
> I don't think people realize how insulting that line of thinking can come across...



Word. 

The one time i saw an attractive, unattached young lady at a metal show was at a Meshuggah concert (i know dream come true right?) and wearing a clever girl shirt (min blown)... she had a busted leg and she had to sit on a bar stool just to watch the show. 

instead of treating her like an open target to be hit upon, i got my brothers and several other dudes to clear the area behind the railing where we were standing, grabbed and empty trash can to elevate her leg and moved her to the front to watch the show.

moral of the story: she was a diehard fan like the rest of us and wanted to see a band; respect that sh!t. maybe she would've been ok with some flirting, but she probably enjoyed watching the 'Ggah tear it up more than a bunch dudes trying to get her number


----------



## Konfyouzd

Exactly... Not every chick is your standard Instagram whore.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Konfyouzd said:


> Exactly... Not every chick is your standard Instagram whore.



Is the new term THOT? i think that's what kids these days call the myspace girls of the early 2000s

EDIT: more advice for youngthrasher, the most success i had with interacting with woman based on my metal preferences was at college when a random girl noticed my LoG shirt and we talked about how she saw them with KsE. we're a niche musical community so don't expect a lot of positive attention to come of it (i went to a preppy-ish school and i got judged hardcore). 

also have broad musical horizons. the more you listen to the more you can connect with other people


----------



## TedEH

vilk said:


> Here's something else to consider about girls at metal concerts:
> Metalheads are, and I'm sure we can all admit it, mostly nerds and betas.



If I might add my , I don't think that's always the case. The metal shows I've been to have just as many alpha/brodude/womanizing/etc. guys as any other event I've gone to. Metalhead or not, people are just people, there's all kinds everywhere.


----------



## MFB

I met someone at a Lamb of God show back in 2011, we hung out during the show and I got her number by the end of it.

Texted her the next day and she had no clue who I was so I said adios. YMMV.


----------



## TonyFlyingSquirrel

Some girls stand by themselves for the most unexpected reasons.
https://cafewitteveen.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/1003401_420874338023945_2111604916_n.jpg


----------



## vilk

Konfyouzd said:


> Maybe she's not waiting for anyone to come talk to her at all.


yEAH, But maybe she is waiting for anyone to come talk to her at all


----------



## MetalheadMC

I'm starting to think KONFYOUZD is either Dr. Phil in disguise, or his future apprentice in the making


----------



## MetalheadMC

Ajaydizzle said:


> Final update -
> 
> First off, thanks for all the support and advice, you guys really are awesome!
> 
> Simply put, its over. We hadn't spoke in about a week and I was just sick of playing games and doing the whole waiting thing. I guess once I had some time to step back and take a look at it I realized that I am not the kind of guy who just wants to sit around and sulk and wonder. I sent her a text basically saying "hey, what is our deal. We are adults and I can handle whatever it is thats going on" She said "I'm Just not ready" to which I responded "I don't know what that means... Not ready for a relationship, not ready to talk just yet, just want me to leave you alone?"...
> 
> She said she wasn't ready for a relationship. I told her thanks for the honesty and am leaving it at that. It'll be weird, we have a lot of mutual friends, but I did remove her from my social media. Just don't need that right now.
> 
> Sucks man but after talking a lot with my close friends, this will probably work out best in the end. And who knows? Maybe things will be different in the future... I'm not banking on it though, Just gotta keep moving forward.



Yeah it sucks, but you'll make it through it brother. I don't blame you for not waiting around. That makes it even harder living with uncertainty especially when it's not up to you. Live your life the way you want to and you'll find a good girl in time


----------



## russmuller

Ibanezsam4 said:


> Is the new term THOT? i think that's what kids these days call the myspace girls of the early 2000s



According to my ex-girlfriend's teenage sister, it's a synonym for "slut."


----------



## Konfyouzd

MetalheadMC said:


> I'm starting to think KONFYOUZD is either Dr. Phil in disguise, or his future apprentice in the making



I dunno if that's a good thing...


----------



## TheHandOfStone

THOT = That Ho Over There

Confusingly, people will use indefinite articles in conjunction with the term (e.g. "She's a THOT" = "She's a That Ho Over There.") It drives my grammar nerd ass crazy.


----------



## MetalheadMC

Konfyouzd said:


> I dunno if that's a good thing...



 

Just means you may have a shot and writing a book and getting your own tv show I guess


----------



## russmuller

TheHandOfStone said:


> THOT = That Ho Over There
> 
> Confusingly, people will use indefinite articles in conjunction with the term (e.g. "She's a THOT" = "She's a That Ho Over There.") It drives my grammar nerd ass crazy.



Perhaps when used as a noun, they mean "Total Ho Over There?" They're just making stuff up anyway, but I totally get where you're coming from.

*edit: W00T W00T for 900 posts!*


----------



## Konfyouzd

MetalheadMC said:


> Just means you may have a shot and writing a book and getting your own tv show I guess



Now *that* I like


----------



## Konfyouzd

This sh!t drives me nuts!

I realize that it's a really weak move to get a woman pregnant and then walk out on the responsiblity. I mean even if you stick around and try to advocate abortion, I feel like it's at least a half step above just leaving altogether. At least at that point you're there attempting to work with her even if it realistically ends up boiling down to another cop out (I don't believe that to always be the case).

Today I saw something my sister posted on Facebook about how if women can't have abortions, then the men shouldn't be allowed to walk away either. I agree to some extent, but at the same time, I feel as though the situation could be avoided. Further, I feel like it was brought up more out of spite because my sister is still mad at the person she chose to date at the time she became pregnant. 

I'm torn...

On the one hand, he's a piece of sh!t. On the other hand, I knew that when she STARTED dating him. I didn't need the proof he later provided. He's several years my senior and was living in a dorm room my father provided for my sister at the time she was at school. At this point I was paying for my own place as he lived with her for free with no job...

He clearly showed all the signs of being a world class father and human being.

So I decided to mention that if you're so concerned about these things, then perhaps it'd be smarter to require more of a commitment from people before giving it up.

The women said this:



chicks said:


> You probably don't even get laid...



Isn't it that exact same line of thinking that got you into the situation you're now complaining about? How is it that I should feel bad about myself in any way? I have no illegitimate children... And I'm not raising one on my own as a result of bad decisions...

But the fact that you get d!ck on the reg is something I should covet? It's the very reason you're mad in the first place!


----------



## MetalheadMC

Technically is he really walking away? I mean the justice system (if you're in the US) should take over and make him support right? Or would they not if he doesn't sign the birth certificate? 

I get where you're coming from, but what is she meaning by not allowing men to walk away? By making them stay with the woman they impregnated? 

Regardless, I believe if you father a child, you should be there for the child in one way or another.


----------



## flint757

My sister has done that. Had kids to keep men around. Has yet to actually work...

Child support is tricky if the dude is a deadbeat. You don't have to pay child support if you don't have a job and the mother has to keep up with it to eventually get whats owed in the long run. Once they get a job it'll start pulling child support automatically, if filed properly, but assuming it's a ....ty job they can't leave him destitute so getting what is actually owed is a major PITA. 

Dads need to stay in the picture if they have a child, but that doesn't necessarily mean staying with the mom. I'm always amused by the people who think responsible sex is somehow not an option.


----------



## youngthrasher9

Let's get one thing straight. I dream of a woman that likes metal.

But I'd be just as happy with someone who has decent taste and doesn't talk crap about metal on a regular basis.


----------



## MetalheadMC

youngthrasher9 said:


> Let's get one thing straight. I dream of a woman that likes metal.
> 
> But I'd be just as happy with someone who has decent taste and doesn't talk crap about metal on a regular basis.



That's really rare. Especially for a woman to be hot and like metal. I believe it's almost non existent where I live. You should have better luck in Cali


----------



## Ibanezsam4

flint757 said:


> My sister has done that. Had kids to keep men around. Has yet to actually work....



i know 2 women who have used this tactic: didn't work well for the first one, too early to tell for the 2nd... its almost enough to make me wish there was a baby-daddy clause in child support law to discourage this; but realistically it would be too hard to prove and/or enforce. 




youngthrasher9 said:


> Let's get one thing straight. I dream of a woman that likes metal.
> 
> But I'd be just as happy with someone who has decent taste and doesn't talk crap about metal on a regular basis.



that's tough. if they don't like underground music (and there's very out-there non-metal music) then odds are they don't like music or exclusively listen to top 40 stations. 

try getting to know classical or jazz musicians. at least they appreciate technicality. 

but its seriously not the end of the world. my wife-to-be loves all the popular songs on the radio and i listen to it in the car (makes you appreciate lyrical and composition... i also make fun of it when we listen). 

she won't pick on my music taste but her family doesn't get it... but the way i figure im not stuck with them they're stuck with me.


WHERE'S MY FACE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

*end Watchmen reference*


----------



## TedEH

MetalheadMC said:


> That's really rare. Especially for a woman to be hot and like metal.



A lot of times the internet makes me feel like I'm the only one who doesn't factor "hotness" into how I would evaluate a person as a potential partner. I don't mean that to say that what a person looks like doesn't matter at all, but I'd rather end up with someone average/boring/"ugly"/etc. looking, that I get along well with, than anyone who would be described as a "hot metal chick" most of the time. I get that physical attraction is important, but for me, character takes precedence.

I mean, lets not kid ourselves, a lot of us "metal dudes" are pretty ugly ourselves.


----------



## MetalheadMC

TedEH said:


> A lot of times the internet makes me feel like I'm the only one who doesn't factor "hotness" into how I would evaluate a person as a potential partner. I don't mean that to say that what a person looks like doesn't matter at all, but I'd rather end up with someone average/boring/"ugly"/etc. looking, that I get along well with, than anyone who would be described as a "hot metal chick" most of the time. I get that physical attraction is important, but for me, character takes precedence.
> 
> I mean, lets not kid ourselves, a lot of us "metal dudes" are pretty ugly ourselves.



Maybe "hot" was the wrong word. I really meant an ATTRACTIVE chick that likes metal. Still a rarity in my parts.


----------



## TedEH

MetalheadMC said:


> Maybe "hot" was the wrong word. I really meant an ATTRACTIVE chick that likes metal. Still a rarity in my parts.



I'll give you that then, acknowledging that "attractive" means all kinds of different things to different people.


----------



## MetalheadMC

TedEH said:


> I'll give you that then, acknowledging that "attractive" means all kinds of different things to different people.



Well to me, I look for a chick that I'm attracted to before I really have any interest in pursuing her. Then I find out if we have anything in common. Maybe my standards are a bit high, but id rather be with a chick I'm attracted to with little or not much at all in common, than with a woman Im not attracted to with a lot in common.

May be shallow thinking, but that's just the way it is for me.


----------



## TedEH

MetalheadMC said:


> May be shallow thinking, but that's just the way it is for me.



Maybe it's shallow a bit, but I think everyone does it, to a point. Even if you actively try not to, it's very difficult not to form an opinion of someone based on purely visual cues if you know nothing else about them. Alternatively, I find that once you do know more about a person, the visual cues take on different meanings/values and you might evaluate someone to be more/less attractive on a physical level because of non-physical traits you've now associated with them, or something like that. Like if you appreciate other things about a person, you might form some kind of bias or something. I'm sure a smarter person than I could express that more eloquently, but hopefully it made some sense.


----------



## russmuller

I'm frustrated. Three times I've had girls say they wanted to have an open relationship. In all three instances, each girl took advantage of the arrangement and then later changed her mind about it to prevent me from seeing anyone else. It's not like I'm dying to hook up with other girls, but it erks me that there is a trend of double-standard in my experiences.

I understand that not everybody is made for that kind of relationship, and that's fine. But it's the bait-and-switch that irritates me. "I'm gonna get mine, but you can't get yours"- that's the impression I come away with. I'm sure it's much less intentional and more emotionally complicated than that, but it still bothers me.

Dreamy Djent Girl had a f-buddy that she continued to see a few times after we agreed to have an open relationship. Now she says she wishes she hadn't and she doesn't want an open relationship because she doesn't think she can handle the anxiety of it. My heart has compassion for where she's coming from, but my mind is displeased; not with her, but just with the trend and how I perceive it. Any advice?


----------



## MetalheadMC

TedEH said:


> Maybe it's shallow a bit, but I think everyone does it, to a point. Even if you actively try not to, it's very difficult not to form an opinion of someone based on purely visual cues if you know nothing else about them. Alternatively, I find that once you do know more about a person, the visual cues take on different meanings/values and you might evaluate someone to be more/less attractive on a physical level because of non-physical traits you've now associated with them, or something like that. Like if you appreciate other things about a person, you might form some kind of bias or something. I'm sure a smarter person than I could express that more eloquently, but hopefully it made some sense.




Makes perfect sense to me. Well said.


----------



## MetalheadMC

Russ-I think that just depends on what you're looking for. Are you looking for a relationship or would you prefer to continue in an open one?

I see where you're coming from though. They want their cake and eat it too, but if you want a piece, you're SoL. 

Me personally, I don't think I'd be able to be with a girl that's wishy washy like that. Although I'm not looking for the relationship thing, still the instability would be too unsettling for me to continue with them


----------



## tacotiklah

I decided to try and put up a dating profile to see what I can find. I love when I put "not looking for just sex, please don't bug me with sex requests right off the bat", then have a bunch of guys be like, "hey, I'm fit and athletic, wanna suck my dick?"

At least use the euphemism "netflix and chill".


----------



## Chokey Chicken

tacotiklah said:


> I decided to try and put up a dating profile to see what I can find. I love when I put "not looking for just sex, please don't bug me with sex requests right off the bat", then have a bunch of guys be like, "hey, I'm fit and athletic, wanna suck my dick?"
> 
> At least use the euphemism "netflix and chill".



This is why even though I identify as bi, I have heavy leanings towards women. Much less awkward and off putting in general.


----------



## Konfyouzd

TedEH said:


> A lot of times the internet makes me feel like I'm the only one who doesn't factor "hotness" into how I would evaluate a person as a potential partner. I don't mean that to say that what a person looks like doesn't matter at all, but I'd rather end up with someone average/boring/"ugly"/etc. looking, that I get along well with, than anyone who would be described as a "hot metal chick" most of the time. I get that physical attraction is important, but for me, character takes precedence.
> 
> I mean, lets not kid ourselves, a lot of us "metal dudes" are pretty ugly ourselves.



Happiness over bragging rights? Poppycock


----------



## tacotiklah

Chokey Chicken said:


> This is why even though I identify as bi, I have heavy leanings towards women. Much less awkward and off putting in general.



I'm finding some sweet guys too. Or at least guys that come off as sweet. I'm not blind to the fact that there are men out there that will say anything to get into my pants. I mean, if they wanted to share clothes, I'm cool with that.


----------



## naw38

russmuller said:


> I'm frustrated. Three times I've had girls say they wanted to have an open relationship. In all three instances, each girl took advantage of the arrangement and then later changed her mind about it to prevent me from seeing anyone else. It's not like I'm dying to hook up with other girls, but it erks me that there is a trend of double-standard in my experiences.
> 
> I understand that not everybody is made for that kind of relationship, and that's fine. But it's the bait-and-switch that irritates me. "I'm gonna get mine, but you can't get yours"- that's the impression I come away with. I'm sure it's much less intentional and more emotionally complicated than that, but it still bothers me.
> 
> Dreamy Djent Girl had a f-buddy that she continued to see a few times after we agreed to have an open relationship. Now she says she wishes she hadn't and she doesn't want an open relationship because she doesn't think she can handle the anxiety of it. My heart has compassion for where she's coming from, but my mind is displeased; not with her, but just with the trend and how I perceive it. Any advice?



Seems like she thought she could handle that kind of relationship, and discovered that she can't. People change their minds.  

Like you said, it's not for everyone - it's what my wife and I are doing, and the first night I slept with somebody else I came home ....ting myself expecting her to turn around and say "no, I don't want this, you cheated on me and I hate it and it's all awful bad decision, RAAARGHGADJGS." 

Thankfully, that did not happen.


----------



## youngthrasher9

Isn't it funny how a girl can all of the sudden start looking all sorts of hot right after you've determined that you don't even want a smidge of a relationship with them?

I don't have any emotional chemistry with this girl,

but every time I see that perfect ass and carved body I feel the primal urge taking over.

I can't see it working, and that's pretty much what she said too, but every time I see her I'm left furiously horny for two hours following.


----------



## Fraz666

youngthrasher9 said:


> I don't have any emotional chemistry with this girl,
> 
> but every time I see that perfect ass and carved body I feel the primal urge taking over.
> 
> I can't see it working, and that's pretty much what she said too, but every time I see her I'm left furiously horny for two hours following.


the story of my life in 3 lines


----------



## MetalheadMC

youngthrasher9 said:


> Isn't it funny how a girl can all of the sudden start looking all sorts of hot right after you've determined that you don't even want a smidge of a relationship with them?
> 
> I don't have any emotional chemistry with this girl,
> 
> but every time I see that perfect ass and carved body I feel the primal urge taking over.
> 
> I can't see it working, and that's pretty much what she said too, but every time I see her I'm left furiously horny for two hours following.



Yeah bro. It sucks when that happens. That's exactly what happened between me and my soon to be ex a few years ago. I was attracted to her, but we had a fall out, we were apart for a month, I saw a pic of her online, and gawddamn I'd thought she had become a model.

So what did I do? I went running back to that sweet booty. Then lo and behold, few years later (now) it still hasn't worked out. Being apart makes me miss certain things, physically mainly, but other than that, Im sure I'll find a sweeter booty elsewhere in due time 

Funny thing though, when her and I split before, AS SOON AS WE SPLIT, she started taking weight loss supps and all that sh!t. She was never a big girl, but she didnt take care of her body as well as she could have.

It just struck me as ironic how, when you're in a relationship with them, they tend to let themselves go a tad, but once that's over, they start taking better care of themselves for the next poor sap.


----------



## Konfyouzd

tacotiklah said:


> I decided to try and put up a dating profile to see what I can find. I love when I put "not looking for just sex, please don't bug me with sex requests right off the bat", then have a bunch of guys be like, "hey, I'm fit and athletic, wanna suck my dick?"
> 
> At least use the euphemism "netflix and chill".



You do realize that 90% of the women I see on sites operating under the guise of "dating sites" that have the words, "I'm not just here for sex," written in their profiles usually look like prostitutes, right? 

Far be it for some of us to think that maybe that's code for, "I want the dick, but I'm too prissy to out right say that."

Further, when's the last time you posted anything ON THE FVCKING INTERNET stating: "I do not want _____," and not IMMEDIATELY gotten nothing but that? To expect anything else is to expect too much of people.


----------



## Konfyouzd

tacotiklah said:


> I'm finding some sweet guys too. Or at least guys that come off as sweet. I'm not blind to the fact that there are men out there that will say anything to get into my pants. I mean, if they wanted to share clothes, I'm cool with that.





Ray from scary movie... 

"Damn girl... I sure wouldn't mind gettin' in those pants..."

"Oh for real?"

"Yea, girl! What size are these?"


----------



## Konfyouzd

flint757 said:


> My sister has done that. Had kids to keep men around. Has yet to actually work...
> 
> Child support is tricky if the dude is a deadbeat. You don't have to pay child support if you don't have a job and the mother has to keep up with it to eventually get whats owed in the long run. Once they get a job it'll start pulling child support automatically, if filed properly, but assuming it's a ....ty job they can't leave him destitute so getting what is actually owed is a major PITA.
> 
> Dads need to stay in the picture if they have a child, but that doesn't necessarily mean staying with the mom. I'm always amused by the people who think responsible sex is somehow not an option.



Well what seems to bother me most is that it seems as though typically the women that complain are ones that kind of should have known who they were dealing with in the beginning. Further, men aren't the only ones known to "run from responsibility".

I have a friend now that raises his nephew basically by default. Both parents are alive and well... 

The mother doesn't actually even seem to want the child unless she has relatives over so she can show off how "great a mother she is". The father is in California chasing a fvckin' skirt... Isn't that how you got the FIRST one that you aren't taking care of? 

And I've even tried putting myself in the shoes of a person who gets impregnated and left to care for the child on her own (and I'm confining this to cases involving consensual sex that leads to a child ONLY; I don't feel like debating the politics of rape babies)... Well as best I could anyway... And I tried to imagine if it would be any easier for me emotionally, physically, or financially and the only conclusion I could come to is that it would kill my energy and drain my bank account just like it does to everyone in that situation. Furthermore, I can't help but think they'd raise less of a stink if not for the FINANCIAL burden... Everyone "deserves" to get paid for *something*... 

The difference? I'm consciously aware that sex makes babies... I decided long ago I don't want them. Any time I decide to have sex I KNOW I'm opening myself to the possibility of a future I previously determined I did not want. If I'm speeding and I hit something and get ejected from my car, I kinda knew that was a possibility too... The fact that I'm now dealing with that consequence--in my eyes--doesn't obligate someone to "be there for me". More than likely someone will be, but the fact remains that it wouldn't be necessary had I thought a little bit more before acting or simply been more careful in my procedure. 

There's a show called 16 and Pregnant... They put it on TV right in front of your face so you can see exactly what it's like and you still chose to do things your own way... Well...


----------



## Chokey Chicken

tacotiklah said:


> I'm finding some sweet guys too. Or at least guys that come off as sweet. I'm not blind to the fact that there are men out there that will say anything to get into my pants. I mean, if they wanted to share clothes, I'm cool with that.



Definitely. I've been around/with plenty of nice guys too. In general though, and especially online, guys tend to be way more about diving straight into sex. I have plenty of guy crushes, and I've been in relationships with a few in the past. (still very close friends with most of them) Women, in my personal experience, just tend to be smoother to start off with. .... it all if they don't 180 and go bat .... on you after you've been together for a while though. It doesn't help that, like Konfuzed said, people of the internet just _love _to do the exact opposite of what you ask of them.

My wife is dandy. She was chill to begin with, and she's chill to this day.


----------



## asher

I was not aware that "watch Netflix and chill" was actually code.


----------



## Konfyouzd

youngthrasher9 said:


> Isn't it funny how a girl can all of the sudden start looking all sorts of hot right after you've determined that you don't even want a smidge of a relationship with them?
> 
> I don't have any emotional chemistry with this girl,
> 
> but every time I see that perfect ass and carved body I feel the primal urge taking over.
> 
> I can't see it working, and that's pretty much what she said too, but every time I see her I'm left furiously horny for two hours following.



I think that's--biologically--exactly how you're supposed to feel. If you notice we're the only species that second guesses our desire to hump each other. 

Romantic love is something that I'm not entirely convinced actually exists... I think it's like the "non-alcoholic beer effect".

I was once given a non-alcoholic beer but didn't know. Now... After the first few I didn't feel drunk, but some interesting things began to happen when I wasn't aware that it was non-alcoholic... 

I started to feel my face get warmer and a bunch of other things that are typically associated with intoxication... But I kept my balance... No slurring of the speech, but it definitely had this feeling like I was *starting* to catch a buzz. But it was odd to me that it never felt like a full blown buzz...

I look down at the bottle and notice it's something like 0.005% alcohol by volume... I INSTANTLY felt completely sober again.

Apparently your brain can do this with other things too. If you taste something that tastes similar enough to something you know to be mind altering, sometimes the brain will almost behave as though it's under the influence of said substance almost like it's anticipating effects that will surely never come.

Likewise, I kinda feel like we're sold the ideal of romantic love and it seems like a really awesome thing, so we're open to the experience to the point that we convince ourselves that's what we're experiencing for want of what's promised in "being in love". We're shown images of what "being in love" looks like. And the first time it even looks similar... I think you see where I'm going.

I highly doubt humans have survived as long they have pairing off for warm fuzzies... I'm pretty sure it's a survival thing that we just candy-coated to make it more appealing/sell marriage/sell valentine's day cards, candy, etc. 

With all that said, it kinda makes sense that you can not like someone as a person and still wanna hump that. Your dick has never heard of love.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Konfyouzd said:


> I think that's--biologically--exactly how you're supposed to feel. If you notice we're the only species that second guesses our desire to hump each other.
> 
> Romantic love is something that I'm not entirely convinced actually exists... I think it's like the "non-alcoholic beer effect".
> 
> I was once given a non-alcoholic beer but didn't know. Now... After the first few I didn't feel drunk, but some interesting things began to happen when I wasn't aware that it was non-alcoholic...
> 
> I started to feel my face get warmer and a bunch of other things that are typically associated with intoxication... But I kept my balance... No slurring of the speech, but it definitely had this feeling like I was *starting* to catch a buzz. But it was odd to me that it never felt like a full blown buzz...
> 
> I look down at the bottle and notice it's something like 0.005% alcohol by volume... I INSTANTLY felt completely sober again.
> 
> Apparently your brain can do this with other things too. If you taste something that tastes similar enough to something you know to be mind altering, sometimes the brain will almost behave as though it's under the influence of said substance almost like it's anticipating effects that will surely never come.
> 
> Likewise, I kinda feel like we're sold the ideal of romantic love and it seems like a really awesome thing, so we're open to the experience to the point that we convince ourselves that's what we're experiencing for want of what's promised in "being in love". We're shown images of what "being in love" looks like. And the first time it even looks similar... I think you see where I'm going.
> 
> I highly doubt humans have survived as long they have pairing off for warm fuzzies... I'm pretty sure it's a survival thing that we just candy-coated to make it more appealing/sell marriage/sell valentine's day cards, candy, etc.
> 
> With all that said, it kinda makes sense that you can not like someone as a person and still wanna hump that. Your dick has never heard of love.



I think romantic love is obviously a real thing, but I do think it is over idealized. It was never anything I was into up until I got into a relationship with my now-wife. I was quite adventurous in my previous years. I don't regret it, but I definitely felt something different when I got into my current relationship. Doesn't mean it won't fall apart in the future either. Hell, I have a friend who defines as demisexual and can't do sexual relationships unless they feel romantically attached to someone. I can't really fathom feeling that way, but it is indeed a thing.

You have to also realize that human beings aren't the only animals where "mating for life" is a thing. Perhaps mating for life is not love, but it's far different than spraying your seed every which way and creating as much offspring as possible.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I'm not saying we should just be spraying our seed everywhere... I'm just saying that you don't have to like a person to be physically attracted to them. And I don't think that "love"--however one chooses to define it--is necessarily the point of mating whether it's perceived that way by the individual or not.


----------



## asher

The point of mating is the babies!

Biologically speaking. Where we're not really monogamous by nature, either.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

asher said:


> The point of mating is the babies!
> 
> Biologically speaking. Where we're not really monogamous by nature, either.



i remember reading somewhere that most societal rules surrounding reproduction and sex (be it religion or otherwise) going back to the dawn of man were more or less a means of making sure all males were able to procreate with most females in order to ensure survival and continued prosperity of whatever faction of human you belonged to. 

its a neat little way of taking nature's alpha male as the primary genetic provider out of the equation


----------



## BucketheadRules

I'm back from my holiday... been trying to keep things going while I was away but it's been a bit odd. I replied to something she asked me then sent her another little message, both of which she read but didn't reply to (stuff that does actually have an answer - I suggested going bowling like I'd been thinking about for a little while) so a couple of days later, a little worried, I sent her a plain old "Something wrong?"

She replied basically saying that she was trying to give herself a break because of various things stressing her out, and that she didn't mean to act like a dick, so I just said "Don't worry, just hoped it wasn't something I did! Tomorrow's another day, hope things get better" or something like that. Then I sent her a photo of my cat in a box the following day, hoping it'd raise a smile... it's been a couple of days and it still says she hasn't opened it yet. Oh well... guess I'll try and find out how she's doing in a couple of days' time and then go from there?

Damn, she had me worried for a while though. I'm so used to things like this just falling apart that I wondered if it was happening yet again.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Konfyouzd said:


> I'm not saying we should just be spraying our seed everywhere... I'm just saying that you don't have to like a person to be physically attracted to them. And I don't think that "love"--however one chooses to define it--is necessarily the point of mating whether it's perceived that way by the individual or not.



I apologize for putting words in your mouth.  I'm terrible at getting my point across sometimes. I have this thing where I'll read a post (or anything really) like 900 times and not absorb an ounce of what was written.

I was mainly addressing your doubts that romantic love exists. I think it exists, which is evident by a lot of things really. People being together for anything other than sex, really. People who stay by their partners during really ....ed times for instance.

I also don't think that romantic love is a necessity though. You can go through life just playing the field, having "just for fun" sex with no emotions involved. 

The sex drive is there though so we do in fact spray our seed everywhere. This is why, even when committed to a partner, we'll always eyeball other people we see as attractive. We want to spread our seed far and wide for survival purposes. (which we've evolved beyond needing, but the sex drive is still there.) We're really the only animal that's capable of asking ourselves "should I have sex? Do I really need to reproduce? I know, I'll jizz into a balloon so I _don't _create offspring." We have such a low mortality rate, due to human interference, where even those who probably shouldn't have survived do. (my roommates brother being a prime example. He essentially lived in a hospital for the first 3 years of his life.)

I'm going on a tangent where even I don't understand the point I'm trying to make. I guess what I'm trying to say is that romantic love is a thing, even if all it is is a set of self imposed limitations. You're not really any better having it than you are not having it. Also some extra .... that just kind of spilled out of my brain onto the floor. You can go ahead and ignore that if you want.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Romantic love--to me seems to very closely resemble friendship. The people I see that say they're in love seem to be really good friends. The difference lies in the way they touch one another. 

I'd just as soon be there for a friend during a really ....ty time as I would a mate. In fact there are few things I'd do for a mate that I wouldn't do for a friend short of sleeping with them. And even then, I've slept with quite a few female friends. 

So as I view it the line is rather arbitrary, but at the same time I believe things can be "conditionally real" in the realm of abstract things like love, religion, etc. 

If something has the power to move you in some way it's real for you at the very least. Whether or not others agree means nothing if your reality makes you happy.


----------



## kamello

BucketheadRules said:


> I'm back from my holiday... been trying to keep things going while I was away but it's been a bit odd. I replied to something she asked me then sent her another little message, both of which she read but didn't reply to (stuff that does actually have an answer - I suggested going bowling like I'd been thinking about for a little while) so a couple of days later, a little worried, I sent her a plain old "Something wrong?"
> 
> She replied basically saying that she was trying to give herself a break because of various things stressing her out, and that she didn't mean to act like a dick, so I just said "Don't worry, just hoped it wasn't something I did! Tomorrow's another day, hope things get better" or something like that. Then I sent her a photo of my cat in a box the following day, hoping it'd raise a smile... it's been a couple of days and it still says she hasn't opened it yet. Oh well... guess I'll try and find out how she's doing in a couple of days' time and then go from there?
> 
> Damn, she had me worried for a while though. I'm so used to things like this just falling apart that I wondered if it was happening yet again.




Sounds good, give it a few days as you said, everyone reacts differently under stress. Try to keep yourself busy though! Been in a similar situation and overthinking little stuff like that tend to be a bit harsh on the nerves and you seem to be very _attentive_ ([?] dunno if it is the right word ) of her







Konfyouzd said:


> Romantic love--to me seems to very closely resemble friendship. The people I see that say they're in love seem to be really good friends. The difference lies in the way they touch one another.



seems so damn simple this way, but people tend to overcomplicate it a lot


----------



## BucketheadRules

kamello said:


> Sounds good, give it a few days as you said, everyone reacts differently under stress. Try to keep yourself busy though! Been in a similar situation and overthinking little stuff like that tend to be a bit harsh on the nerves and you seem to be very _attentive_ ([?] dunno if it is the right word ) of her



Oh yeah I'm more than busy enough at the minute, she is too - that's why we haven't even seen each other for a month! I hope we can get something arranged soon. But yeah, I do overthink and I do think about her a lot... I hope it turns out well, because I'm starting to like her quite a bit.


----------



## tacotiklah

Still looking around for the right person. Found a possible nice guy. He's cool about keeping his cool and not wanting to rush into anything. I'm liking his attitude on things so far. Hope it keeps going in this direction.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Aww yea... Git it...


----------



## broj15

anyone else ever get into a relationship where you know you'll probably end up getting hurt, but you just cross your fingers and hope for the best any way?


----------



## Ibanezsam4

broj15 said:


> anyone else ever get into a relationship where you know you'll probably end up getting hurt, but you just cross your fingers and hope for the best any way?



yup. is it worth it? nope. its fun because its usually new and feels exciting.. but the down never is worth the high. best to keep it a fling and find someone who won't hurt you.


----------



## MetalheadMC

^^^100%.

The highs are good, but the lows definitely off set them in so many ways. I wouldn't advise anyone to go into a situation knowing youre gonna have to pick up pieces and realign them later


----------



## flint757

Well that's assuming the feeling that your going to get hurt is justified and not something your projecting on to other people though.


----------



## Konfyouzd

broj15 said:


> anyone else ever get into a relationship where you know you'll probably end up getting hurt, but you just cross your fingers and hope for the best any way?



Nah, man... I wouldn't do that.


----------



## cheosamad21

Hey guys. Any of you ever sorta feel like while you're a pretty average person you don't seem to have the same social skills as those around you? Not necessarily out of fear or shyness but simply out of inherent nature? 

I'm asking this because in my head I was comparing myself to my friends today and noticed that while we all have relatively similar personalities, our lifestyles end up being totally different. Take my roommate for good example. We grew up around the same sort of things, have overlapping circles of friends, have the same hobbies ect. Yet somehow we lead very different social lives. I've noticed since we started living together that he literally has some new girl all over him 3 times a week just from playing around on tinder. 

I got pretty jealous of this at first because I feel like I should be able to form just as many of those relationships as he can from an objective standpoint. While it's not in my nature to rack up a body count of sexual partners, it's baffling to me how it seems that I'm lucky to get a text back or at all once a week from any female and yet he has people blowing up his phone 24/7.

Like I said we live really similar lives. We do similar jobs, we make similar money, we go to just about every social function or event together, ect. I'm not a shy person by any means either, I always leave events or functions with new friends ect but somehow he's always leaving with some new girl wrapped around his finger and I simply don't understand how. 

This is where I started to get really frustrated. Like I said, I'm not interested in a body count at all. That sort of lifestyle just simply doesn't appeal to me. (Nothing wrong with people who enjoy it, to each their own) What I don't understand is how easily he can play all these dozens of awesome girls and drop them like it's nothing. 

I had a party earlier this week and him and the girl he brought that night (literally the 4th new one that week) and him got into an argument. He stormed off and she sat outside crying so I went over to her and asked what's up. To him she is just 'another hoe' but to hear her tell it she really has genuine feelings for the kid and the way he treats her is tearing her up inside. She's been torn up over him for about a year and he's over here racking up bodies as if there is a prize for it. I just don't get how someone could not lose sleep over playing all of these girls just to have sex with them and lead them on to believe he feels any sort of sentimental attachment to them when truly it's just a ploy for physical enjoyment, or to exploit them for rides or money. It really pissed me off.

Am I just being a really bad friend and ignorantly jealous of his ability to pull literally dozens of women at the drop of a hat or is there some justification in my frustration? Maybe the reason it doesn't go so easily for me is simple bad luck? I really don't know. It feels kinda funny to me that while I truly wanna make meaningful relationships and connections with people I lose sleep at night and feel lonely, but he's never alone for more then 5 minutes because as he would see 'he has hoes eager for him to call them.' 

I think I'm being kinda stupid and looking for an excuse to victimize myself. I know relationships aren't everything and I should be happy in the other aspects of my life because when I'm truly happy I won't care anymore that I'm alone. I still feel like it's a sort of garbage feeling to see that I truly lack the skills needed to get girls attention and it's holding me back from lord knows how many positive encounters with people. I know the generic advice would be 'just be yourself' (hell that's even what my friends who I'm jealous of all say) but that seems incredibly cliche and transparent. I guess this is more of a rant then anything. Sorry for the pity party haha.

Before it comes off in a way that I don't wan't lemme just throw out some clarification. I'm not unhappy with how my life is. I get to do really easy work making good money and play guitar all day and go to shows several times a month. I have great friends and family around me and I've been racking up crazy new experiences faster then I can keep track of them. I just feel like I can't flourish romantically/socially as well as my friends around me and I don't understand why. 


TLDR: It seems like those around me are incredibly capable of having a plethora of women chase them but I can't seem to stand out to anyone I feel some type of way toward. 


Thoughts or comments would be appreciated.

EDIT-Someone else just said something that not only made total sense, but made me look at the situation completely differently. The reason I shouldn't be upset that I'm not getting the same results as him, is because I'm not TRYING to get the same results as him. He is literally actively trying to sleep with as many people as he can (for what reason I'll never know). I already know I'm not trying that so it makes no sense for me to be upset that I'm not getting that. That's like if I was growing apples, and he was growing oranges, and then me getting pissed that I'm getting apples and not oranges.


----------



## flint757

cheosamad21 said:


> EDIT-Someone else just said something that not only made total sense, but made me look at the situation completely differently. The reason I shouldn't be upset that I'm not getting the same results as him, is because I'm not TRYING to get the same results as him. He is literally actively trying to sleep with as many people as he can (for what reason I'll never know). I already know I'm not trying that so it makes no sense for me to be upset that I'm not getting that. That's like if I was growing apples, and he was growing oranges, and then me getting pissed that I'm getting apples and not oranges.



Pretty much nailed it.

Short of that maybe it's just a difference in confidence.


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## groverj3

I understand somewhat.

I have a lot of female friends. Including a fair number that I've had feelings for at one time or another. So many of them have been hurt by ....ty guys just looking to score with them that they become really jaded with dating entirely. However, on the handful of occasions that I've let on that I had feelings for any of them the answer is always "thanks, but no thanks."

Of course, it's not our place to tell women what they should want. It is frustrating though.


----------



## cheosamad21

groverj3 said:


> I understand somewhat.
> 
> I have a lot of female friends. Including a fair number that I've had feelings for at one time or another. So many of them have been hurt by ....ty guys just looking to score with them that they become really jaded with dating entirely. However, on the handful of occasions that I've let on that I had feelings for any of them the answer is always "thanks, but no thanks."
> 
> Of course, it's not our place to tell women what they should want. It is frustrating though.



How much I relate to this is almost uncanny. It's sort of at a point where I expect the 'thanks but no thanks' so there really feels like there's no point in bothering. However that's overwhelmingly pessimistic so I am willing to try anyway on the off chance of a different outcome. However, that doesn't make it any easier each time and doesn't make it any less disappointing.


----------



## groverj3

Because venting to (mostly) strangers on the internet is somehow therapeutic.

I'm currently in limbo. The sort of situation where elation turns to confusion and frustration in a manner of days.

On Friday night a friend of a friend, whom I haven't known long but get along well with, invited me to a few drinks with her and her friends. I'd been contemplating asking her to do something similar for a while (I'd been out of town for about a month) and jumped at the offer. Somehow her and I ended up bar hopping without the rest of her friends. From there, when we finally made it back to her place I ended up staying the night. The following day, while recovering from an epic hangover we hung out literally the whole day (a full 24 hours from when I joined them the previous day). She was very cuddly, into handholding, etc. when sober as well as the previous night. When I finally left I let her know I had been thinking about her for a while and was really glad she invited me, and after spending time with her I really liked her. She seemed really flattered and we agreed to hang out again as soon as we could. We hugged and kissed goodbye.

However, she mentioned that she was leaving for Seattle for a job interview, and to visit friends up there, this week. I didn't get the exact dates she'd be leaving and returning though. So, we'd have to wait to hang out until after that.

Since Saturday I haven't heard from her at all. I made sure to contact her because I wanted to make sure we didn't lose contact while she's out of town (which I guess will be a couple weeks). All I said was not to be a stranger while she's out of town and that I can't wait to see her again, also I asked exactly when she'd be back. No responses though. I certainly don't want to bombard the girl with texts, because that doesn't work for obvious reasons 

Needless to say, I'm quite confused. I felt like I might finally be breaking out of my five-year relationship drought. I can't help but wonder if I screwed something up by what I said, though I don't think I did anything too weird. I guess I'll send her one more text message and wait for a response before I give up


----------



## MetalheadMC

^^^personally I would wait. Surely she got your text and will get back to you when she can. I know that being patient is the b!tch of it all, but I would bite the bullet and wait. 

Plus she'll be coming back eventually right? Then you can definitely text talk etc


----------



## groverj3

MetalheadMC said:


> ^^^personally I would wait. Surely she got your text and will get back to you when she can. I know that being patient is the b!tch of it all, but I would bite the bullet and wait.
> 
> Plus she'll be coming back eventually right? Then you can definitely text talk etc



Yeah, it makes sense. It's unfortunate that I have absolutely no idea when that will be. I'm the type that when something like this happens I immediately jump to the conclusion that she's already lost interest though.


----------



## broj15

Thanks for the kind words everyone. Basically I'm involved with a girl who has a history of infidelity, which I know is a huge red flag and a good reason for me to get out of the situation, but she tells me that she will "be really good to me" and that "this feels different", and thus far she's done nothing to disprove this, but I still worry. I'm trying my best to keep her at arms length until I feel like I can trust her, but It's hard. We stayed up really late the other night just talking and it really sunk in how much I care about her. Being alone really sucks, but it's also a lot simpler at times.


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## MetalheadMC

groverj3 said:


> Yeah, it makes sense. It's unfortunate that I have absolutely no idea when that will be. I'm the type that when something like this happens I immediately jump to the conclusion that she's already lost interest though.



Yeah I see that because I tend to be the same way. It's a rough mindset to overcome. Only thing I can say is to try to stay as busy as possible which I know is hard. Good luck


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## russmuller

groverj3 said:


> Yeah, it makes sense. It's unfortunate that I have absolutely no idea when that will be. I'm the type that when something like this happens I immediately jump to the conclusion that she's already lost interest though.



Here's what helps me get over that: Women love confidence. You're awesome all by yourself. You were awesome before you met her, and you'll continue to be that way whether she's dating you or not so you don't stand to lose anything. So you've really got nothing to worry about. Sometimes I can trick myself into calming down about a girl that way. lol

The worst thing you can do is make her feel like she's got an obligation to you. She got the message and she'll respond when she's ready. If you expect her to be gone a few weeks, I'd say give it 3 weeks or so and send her a follow-up asking if she's back in town and how her trip went.


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## BucketheadRules

russmuller said:


> Here's what helps me get over that: Women love confidence. You're awesome all by yourself. You were awesome before you met her, and you'll continue to be that way whether she's dating you or not so you don't stand to lose anything. So you've really got nothing to worry about. Sometimes I can trick myself into calming down about a girl that way. lol



I try very hard with this, and I have a lot more self-confidence than I used to (because I AM awesome ) but it's a fairly thin veneer really, because a lot of the time when I'm into someone, I find it pretty much impossible to seriously consider the possibility that she might be into me as well, even when I get all the right signals. I suppose I almost expect girls to lose interest in me (not that I don't try my hardest). It's a really tough mindset to get out of.

I think it comes from years of having been bullied at school... I'm 20 and I left school a good couple of years ago. The bullying I experienced was mainly due to my physical appearance - I had crap-looking long hair and pretty bad acne. I don't have either of those things any more and I'm a lot happier with how I look, but the shadow of having people call me ugly and mock me for my appearance still kind of hangs over me. To this day I think calling someone ugly is about the worst thing you can say to them - the word in that context really, really unsettles me (and makes me angry). Things were at their worst when I was in year eight until about year eleven - so from when I was 12-13 until I was about 16. And since leaving school I've had pretty much no contact with any of the people involved, and I honestly don't even think about the c*nts any more, but it still affects me deeper than I realise in this way. It's amazing what a few years of being made to feel absolutely f*cking worthless and ugly can do to your self-esteem 

So yeah - I suppose I'm still a little stuck in the mindset of "I'm not good enough for her, surely she'll realise and cut me off soon". It sucks.


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## groverj3

Yes, I often have this issue with self-confidence. It should be easy to remind myself that I have two undergraduate degrees, a masters, and am currently working on my doctorate... plus I play guitar decently and have tons of good friends. If I'm not that successful with dating that is only ONE aspect of life, and doesn't define the entirety of my existence, haha.

SS.org. Where I come for level-headed life advice


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## Konfyouzd

groverj3 said:


> I understand somewhat.
> 
> I have a lot of female friends. Including a fair number that I've had feelings for at one time or another. So many of them have been hurt by ....ty guys just looking to score with them that they become really jaded with dating entirely. However, on the handful of occasions that I've let on that I had feelings for any of them the answer is always "thanks, but no thanks."
> 
> Of course, it's not our place to tell women what they should want. It is frustrating though.



It truly does seem as though some folks WANT there do be drama involved no matter how much they complain about it. Or that friend and lover are not mutually exclusive... And as previously stated, usually aren't in most successful relationships I've seen. Hell... You even beef with your friends periodically. The difference is that you still actually wanna see each other eventually and it's fairly common to be more careful with the feelings of those close to you--until you're dating them and they piss you off it seems...


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## flint757

I think the issue is that with your good friends there's a lot of history and with new girlfriends or boyfriends that isn't often the case, yet we give them equal weight. Plus, I've seen it first hand where it seems like the moment you have your first argument within a new relationship it's like you shattered an illusion that existed. We definitely over-romanticize new relationships if having a disagreement literally changes how you perceive them. In that respect I think the idea of romance and love are a detriment to forming new bonds with people.


----------



## Church2224

Well I am back and school, and good lord there are a ton of good looking girls here! Even a couple I have already met and have my eye one. 

Any advice for dating in the college scene? Been a while since I dated girls my age and younger. I am going to take advantage of the opportunity. 

The only issue I have found, though, is most of the girls I am attracted to are taken, so that is a little demoralizing. I guess what I am asking for is I am going to be more actively dating again and want to get out there and get the types of women I want, so any guidance for this would be appreciated. I am not giving up so easily this time.


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## piggins411

Church2224 said:


> The only issue I have found, though, is most of the girls I am attracted to are taken, so that is a little demoralizing..



Welcome to my entire college dating experience


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## groverj3

Finally heard back, and apparently they offered her a job in Portland on the spot after the interview and she's moving in 2 weeks. Talk about bad timing 

Which is great, I am happy for her. Seriously.

Do I have permission to run up to the top of the nearest mountain and scream "FML!" now?

I'm pretty pathetically asking whether I can see her one more time before she leaves now. At this point there isn't much to lose by laying my cards on the table and selfishly asking for another chance to hang out. Seeing as I'll likely never see her again.


----------



## kamello

Good news: Cute girl is asking for ''Chill n' netflix (and icecream  )'' at my place 

The bad news: I actually don't have ''_a place_'' in the city where Im going, aside from my dad's home, which can vary from being crowded as fvck with his friends and visits, to me, alone, for days


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## AliceLG

I'm trying not to get overly excited about this, and wonderfully failing at that, but I met a fellow metalhead at a Salsa night (of all places ) over the weekend and asked her out yesterday. First date in I can't remember how long. Excited and anxious.

I've also been doing marathons of How I Met Your Mother. That isn't helping at all


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## Ibanezsam4

Church2224 said:


> Well I am back and school, and good lord there are a ton of good looking girls here! Even a couple I have already met and have my eye one.
> 
> Any advice for dating in the college scene? Been a while since I dated girls my age and younger. I am going to take advantage of the opportunity.
> 
> The only issue I have found, though, is most of the girls I am attracted to are taken, so that is a little demoralizing. I guess what I am asking for is I am going to be more actively dating again and want to get out there and get the types of women I want, so any guidance for this would be appreciated. I am not giving up so easily this time.



Well you already know the bad news: a lot of girls in college are usually paired off with somebody (lots of bodies at school, lots of opportunities).. BUT 

The good news: most of the relationships have horrible chances of long-term success and are more or less the product of close, constant, social proximity. 

My advice: be a part of the the college social scene. Even if you're not a heavy drinker go out to the bar nights and be seen cavorting with your colleagues. 

when i was in school i never had time to go out to the bar nights or go to campus parties, and as a result i felt like i was a social outcast. went to one bar night and changed all that because i saw familiar faces (this actually helped me break this ice with my future wife). 

be social and engaging with women and you'll get the same in return

but flip side of the coin, don't be too available. i knew a few dudes who were every girl's friend, but never had a shot with anyone they talked to. be friendly but have that air of mystery, let the lucky lady want to be the one to find out more about you than anyone else


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## Varcolac

kamello said:


> Good news: Cute girl is asking for ''Chill n' netflix (and icecream  )'' at my place
> 
> The bad news: I actually don't have ''_a place_'' in the city where Im going, aside from my dad's home, which can vary from being crowded as fvck with his friends and visits, to me, alone, for days



Fun fact: my girlfriend and I didn't know that 'netflix and chill' was code for anything else until about a week ago. 

We'd watched all of House of Cards in the meantime, so no great loss there.


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## groverj3

No response in three days about seeing her again before moving. Seems like I was getting ahead of myself, though it seemed pretty promising, and she indicated otherwise in person. She seems to be cutting her losses and moving on. Can't blame her, but saying something at all would be nice instead of just dropping off the face of the planet. Stuff like that is my ultimate pet peeve. I know, I know, insert statement here about people being not worth thinking of if they do this kind of .....

I'm behaving like an angsty little high school kid right now and I know it. I guess you don't win them all. Or really any, it seems.


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## BucketheadRules

Ok, I now have no idea what the f*ck is happening with this girl I've been talking to for the last couple of months.

The last couple of weeks she's been at work basically full time, so she's obviously had a lot on but she's also seemed a bit distant at times. A couple of weeks ago she told me loads of stuff was piling up and she needed to give herself a break from talking to people online for a while, which I understand, and presumably she's going through another of those phases right now. 

I sent her a message a couple of nights ago, which came after a couple of days of not saying anything to each other (not for any particular reason, just both doing other things). She'd been at work so I just asked her how her day was, and she read it but didn't reply. That's happened before, and when she eventually got back to me she said she didn't mean to come across like a dick but was just stressed etc. I assumed the same was happening this time so I tried not to read too much into it (yeah... tried).

So I left it about 24 hours and just sent her another, last night, just saying "Everything ok?" Doesn't say she's seen it, but she's been online plenty since then... I've experienced this sort of thing before and it didn't end well, so I'm pretty worried everything's going to sh*t now.

What do I do? I guess she needs space, but I don't think I'm being particularly full-on. Again, I haven't done anything that I can think of and there's been no indication that anything is strained between us, but it's making me a bit nervous nonetheless. And she was the first to suggest meeting up again when we last saw each other! We've been talking since then but what with both of us being so busy, the last time we actually saw each other was probably a month ago, I wonder if that's something to do with it. It always seems to get to this stage - one date, everything seems promising for a while, then through no real fault of my own, contact grinds to a halt and everything goes to hell in a wheelbarrow. Why the f*ck can't I ever do it? It's so frustrating.

I'd really appreciate some help folks.


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## MFB

Have you tried actually calling her? 

If she doesn't pick up for that/possibly shoot you a text saying, "Hey, I'm busy because " then I'd say just let it go. It's obviously tough trying to find time to get a relationship started, so it'd probably only go down from there once labels get added.


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## BucketheadRules

MFB said:


> Have you tried actually calling her?
> 
> If she doesn't pick up for that/possibly shoot you a text saying, "Hey, I'm busy because " then I'd say just let it go. It's obviously tough trying to find time to get a relationship started, so it'd probably only go down from there once labels get added.



Hmmm... no I haven't, I dunno how that would go down but it's worth thinking about. I wish I didn't have to entertain the prospect of letting it go... out of interest, why would you suggest doing that? As far as I can work out, nothing has happened between us that I think is worth abandoning ship for, unless she's suddenly decided she wants nothing more to do with me and is trying to cut me off - which would make her a hypocrite, given how she's expressed a dislike for people doing such things. I honestly don't know that she'd be a sh*tty enough person to do that... I think she's a nice girl.

But hey, I don't really have the first idea what she's thinking. (That's the problem...)

But in other news... last night I was drinking with a couple of old friends, one of whom has Tinder, and he ended up convincing the remaining two of us to download it... I'd been considering it before, and figured "what's the worst that can happen". So as of 24 hours ago, I have Tinder... I've been swiping through when I get the chance (it's quite addictive once you start doing it!) and giving the occasional swipe right... I'm being quite picky though (maybe 1 in every 5 or 10). I wonder if/when I'll start getting matches...


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## piggins411

I hate to be negative, but things don't seem great. I was more or less in the exact same situation as you. Went out, had a seemingly good date, talks of more plans happened, a long period of separation, and eventual distancing. I'd cut your losses if I were you. I've been down that road and its super ....ing annoying.


----------



## MFB

BucketheadRules said:


> Out of interest, why would you suggest doing that? As far as I can work out, nothing has happened between us that I think is worth abandoning ship for, unless she's suddenly decided she wants nothing more to do with me and is trying to cut me off - which would make her a hypocrite, given how she's expressed a dislike for people doing such things. I honestly don't know that she'd be a sh*tty enough person to do that... I think she's a nice girl.



After writing the following paragraph, I advise you to take this with a grain of salt since it came out more anti-her than I intended.

I say that mainly because it sounds like you're on the hook for the time being, all though it's a very odd hook at that. It seems like a mix of playing hard to get, absence making the heart grow fonder, and all out waiting game. I mean, she's said the right things to keep you interested, but then when you try and act on that, there's a drop of interest/communication on her end. It's buzz-words like "definitely" thrown in there that provide the glimmer of hope for her to dangle with (if that's what she's doing at all mind you). 

My last girlfriend did the same thing she did, she expressed hating one thing she wishes people in her past hadn't done, then went and did it. Although it was a different scenario, the principle is the same: I got more interested in her because we both agreed people shouldn't do X/Y/Z, but then when she went and did it, I felt even more burned.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

@BucketheadRules
Awhile back,I was in a similar situation.I asked a girl out on a date,and she said yes.Then,she got all evasive, so I assumed that she wasn't interested.After I stopped paying her any attention, she was all over me,but I wasn't up for playing games.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Edit: Double post


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## BucketheadRules

Obsidian Soul said:


> @BucketheadRules
> Awhile back,I was in a similar situation.I asked a girl out on a date,and she said yes.Then,she got all evasive, so I assumed that she wasn't interested.After I stopped paying her any attention, she was all over me,but I wasn't up for playing games.



I honestly don't think this is the case - I'm sure she's just feeling under the weather and that what's going on probably isn't me-specific, so I should probably cut her a bit of slack but at the same time, I really don't like being ignored.


----------



## Veldar

Need to vent for a little...

Recently I've been attracted to my best friend after she came to one of my band's gigs and sent me a cute message after, asked her if she wanted to go out on a date with me since we spend so much time together and she said "I know it sounds really stupid but I honestly value your friendship too much to ever be anything like that." And later "Just don't wanna .... up my like, only actual friend." 

So I was being pretty casual when I asked so could she just be testing me, like making sure I'm serious about this or is she just telling me she's not interested in me and trying to be nice about it?

Sucks though, just felt empty today about it.


----------



## piggins411

I think she's saying she's not interested in you like that/she doesn't want to ruin your friendship


----------



## MetalheadMC

Veldar said:


> Need to vent for a little...
> 
> Recently I've been attracted to my best friend after she came to one of my band's gigs and sent me a cute message after, asked her if she wanted to go out on a date with me since we spend so much time together and she said "I know it sounds really stupid but I honestly value your friendship too much to ever be anything like that." And later "Just don't wanna .... up my like, only actual friend."
> 
> So I was being pretty casual when I asked so could she just be testing me, like making sure I'm serious about this or is she just telling me she's not interested in me and trying to be nice about it?
> 
> Sucks though, just felt empty today about it.



Well the friend zone sucks, but if you're serious about starting a relationship with the girl, I think having a serious conversation about the matter may change her mind. If you're only looking for a casual thing, I would respect her decision to keep the friend vibe


----------



## MetalheadMC

BucketheadRules said:


> I honestly don't think this is the case - I'm sure she's just feeling under the weather and that what's going on probably isn't me-specific, so I should probably cut her a bit of slack but at the same time, I really don't like being ignored.



Not trying to bust your optimistic bubble, but it doesn't sound good. I very may well be wrong but it doesn't seem like she's interested. Give it a few more days and see if she comes ariund. If not, move on and save yourself from the misery of waiting


----------



## Veldar

MetalheadMC said:


> Well the friend zone sucks, but if you're serious about starting a relationship with the girl, I think having a serious conversation about the matter may change her mind. If you're only looking for a casual thing, I would respect her decision to keep the friend vibe



If we end up doing anything it would have to be serious, I'm not really into casual relationships I'd probably end up too attached.

She did post a little thing on a facebook photo and ended it with a love heart, I laughed because of the timing with me asking her out a day or two before. 

I feel better about the whole thing, I lost another pants size so I'm a lot happier with my self so thats deal with any negative emotions I was feeling.


----------



## Konfyouzd

piggins411 said:


> I think she's saying she's not interested in you like that/she doesn't want to ruin your friendship



Funny how that works considering friends typically have the balls to be honest with you. Further, I've found that if being friends with a woman is my goal despite her wanting more, telling the truth is usually the more effective course of action. In fact, when I make up some bull....!t or just play the "I'm so busy game," it tends to piss women off. Go figure...


----------



## broj15

So after a couple of days of no contact with the girl I've mention in my past couple posts in this thread she came in to see me at work on friday and dropped a pretty huge bomb, but was (what seemed like) extremely open with me the for the first time since we've been together. from here I'll be paraphrasing what she said more or less:


> I'm not sure if I want this like I thought I did. I still want to see you and talk to you but I think we should take things slower. This just seems like a lot all at once and the the inside of my head is just a complete mess right now. I'm ok when I'm distracted by work or when I'm with you but when I'm alone I just have this nervous energy that i don't know what to do with and there are so many thoughts that keep me up at night. I have a lot of problems and the majority of them are caused by my own actions. Some days literally all I can think about is how much I hate myself. I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt you or let you down and I don't want to do that.



She also went on to say that she was going to the doctor to get put back on anxiety meds to see if that helps, as it has for a while before, but she had to stop because her body couldn't handle some of the side effects, but then said that if things don't get better she's thinking of taking an "extended" leave of absence from work to go stay with her sister (3 hours away). Obviously this killed me, not because of the thought of losing her (which is pretty terrible as I'm completely head over heals for her) but because listening to her describe the way she feels about herself (self loathing, depression, loneliness, anxiety) was almost like having a conversation with myself. I know how she feels and I hate that she goes through that (she was on the verge of tears for the better part of the conversation), and I also hate that she's just now decided to open up to me about it, when she's apparently felt this way for some time. I just told her that I care about her and that I just want her to do what will make her happy. Hopefully we can hang out later this week to really talk about things, but until then I'm just playing the waiting game. 

before anyone says it, I know I should bail, but at this point i really can't bring myself to do it.


----------



## asher

broj15 said:


> before anyone says it, I know I should bail, but at this point i really can't bring myself to do it.



Why?

Obviously, you cannot make up her mind for her. But:

1) the simplest thing, three hours is very manageable as far as distance goes.
2) If you really do care for her, which I take it you do, you should really let her know you'll be there for her if she wants it, which is about the most you can do, short of...
3) You can very strongly empathize and understand what she's going through. I posit that being open about this cannot be a bad thing. It can help some people to have real assurance it's not just them with these problems (even though we all "know" that's never true, having evidence is a big deal), not to mention it can be valuable to have someone with the direct experience to help work through those issues, or be able to provide better support.

You can do all these things and it still might fizzle out. Such is life. But don't be inactive in perceived avoidance of future pain when, romance aside, someone you care about is suffering greatly.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Veldar said:


> If we end up doing anything it would have to be serious, I'm not really into casual relationships I'd probably end up too attached.
> 
> She did post a little thing on a facebook photo and ended it with a love heart, I laughed because of the timing with me asking her out a day or two before.
> 
> I feel better about the whole thing, I lost another pants size so I'm a lot happier with my self so thats deal with any negative emotions I was feeling.


I'm going to stop you right now,and pass you some wisdom from my experience.

Don't think too much about what she did.I'm one of those people that thinks too much.There could be one of two scenarios:
A ) She doesn't like you romantically but likes the attention you give her
B ) She likes you but is too nervous about you finding out

Personally,I think A) is the case here.You should just find another lady you want to date.If she liked you,she'll probably come around after she sees she has competition.


----------



## broj15

asher said:


> Why?
> 
> Obviously, you cannot make up her mind for her. But:
> 
> 1) the simplest thing, three hours is very manageable as far as distance goes.
> 2) If you really do care for her, which I take it you do, you should really let her know you'll be there for her if she wants it, which is about the most you can do, short of...
> 3) You can very strongly empathize and understand what she's going through. I posit that being open about this cannot be a bad thing. It can help some people to have real assurance it's not just them with these problems (even though we all "know" that's never true, having evidence is a big deal), not to mention it can be valuable to have someone with the direct experience to help work through those issues, or be able to provide better support.
> 
> You can do all these things and it still might fizzle out. Such is life. But don't be inactive in perceived avoidance of future pain when, romance aside, someone you care about is suffering greatly.




Oh, I told her that I was there for her and I want her to talk to me about stuff, and I really do empathize with her, but as I said, I was at work when this went on so I didn't really have time to say everything I wanted to say. I also do plan on visiting her If she decides to stay with her sister provided she wants me to. Like I said, we both have this Thursday off so hopefully we can hang out and actually talk about things.


----------



## asher

Sure. When you get the chance, then. I'm just emphasizing the straight up "hey, I suffer through a lot of the exact same issues, so I really do know how you feel" part... which is a step beyond just saying you're there if she needs you.


----------



## flint757

broj15 said:


> So after a couple of days of no contact with the girl I've mention in my past couple posts in this thread she came in to see me at work on friday and dropped a pretty huge bomb, but was (what seemed like) extremely open with me the for the first time since we've been together. from here I'll be paraphrasing what she said more or less:
> 
> 
> She also went on to say that she was going to the doctor to get put back on anxiety meds to see if that helps, as it has for a while before, but she had to stop because her body couldn't handle some of the side effects, but then said that if things don't get better she's thinking of taking an "extended" leave of absence from work to go stay with her sister (3 hours away). Obviously this killed me, not because of the thought of losing her (which is pretty terrible as I'm completely head over heals for her) but because listening to her describe the way she feels about herself (self loathing, depression, loneliness, anxiety) was almost like having a conversation with myself. I know how she feels and I hate that she goes through that (she was on the verge of tears for the better part of the conversation), and I also hate that she's just now decided to open up to me about it, when she's apparently felt this way for some time. I just told her that I care about her and that I just want her to do what will make her happy. Hopefully we can hang out later this week to really talk about things, but until then I'm just playing the waiting game.
> 
> before anyone says it, I know I should bail, but at this point i really can't bring myself to do it.



I wouldn't say to bail unless you have no desire to go through this with someone. That aside, this is one of the few times in this thread where I actually think she's being 100% genuine and she isn't trying to just blow you off, but is actually going through something pretty rough.

If you can, and want to, definitely try to help her through it. I deal with anxiety issues all the time and being alone isn't usually the remedy; so definitely offer an open hand if that's what you're willing/want to do. That said, don't feel obligated to out of obligation or guilt as those sort of feelings only serve to bring you down.


----------



## asher

flint757 said:


> That said, don't feel obligated to out of obligation or guilt as those sort of feelings only serve to bring you down.



This is very important, actually.

Do it because you care about her.

If you find yourself feeling like it's for any other reason, that's when you need to draw your lines.


----------



## broj15

Oh, I'm not doing this out of any obligation or sense of guilt. I really do care about her. It sounds crazy/naive/immature or whatever, but I've honestly not met anyone that makes me feel like she does. I know it's easy to write that off as infatuation, but even in the "puppy love" stages of my past relationships I can't remember feeling this strongly for a girl.


----------



## Ocara-Jacob

Okay wow lots has changed since I last posted in this thread. Different girl, been with her for just over 6 months now after being single for two years and it's been great so far. 

I just moved to Nashville, and she's still in Cincinnati, (it's a 5-hour drive) so we'll be doing the whole long-distance thing for a while I guess. 

I'll probably be in Nashville for around 4 months, if not longer. Visits are already being planned <3


----------



## Fretless

Ocara-Jacob said:


> Okay wow lots has changed since I last posted in this thread. Different girl, been with her for just over 6 months now after being single for two years and it's been great so far.
> 
> I just moved to Nashville, and she's still in Cincinnati, (it's a 5-hour drive) so we'll be doing the whole long-distance thing for a while I guess.
> 
> I'll probably be in Nashville for around 4 months, if not longer. Visits are already being planned <3



Right on man! I've been working on the long distance thing for a month now (the one I posted about a month ago, she lives in Kansas, about 9 hours from me). I went up there at the beginning of august, and had a blast, now I am counting down the hours until she gets here next week! My advice, just treat it like normal, and things will work out!

Good luck and congrats dude, having someone is so great.


----------



## asher

broj15 said:


> Oh, I'm not doing this out of any obligation or sense of guilt. I really do care about her. It sounds crazy/naive/immature or whatever, but I've honestly not met anyone that makes me feel like she does. I know it's easy to write that off as infatuation, but even in the "puppy love" stages of my past relationships I can't remember feeling this strongly for a girl.



Good stuff.

I didn't mean it to sound dire or anything  But it's a very important distinction nonetheless.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Well after about five days' silence, I invited her to a gig I might be going to on Friday which is near her, and I've heard back from her - she apologised again for not replying before, she's been at work a lot and had various other things stressing her out. Due to more of the same (work, family etc) she's not sure if she can make it this time either, but I've asked her to let me know. I'm hoping she might be able to, but I'm not really holding my breath.

In other news... Tinder is a funny one, isn't it? I've had two matches so far, the first of whom disappeared, dunno why. Anyway... I gather the technique is to swipe right on everyone and get as many matches as possible, then be selective later. My profile photo is one of me looking super cool (as always ) playing my low-slung Les Paul Junior, so I'm hoping that works in my favour. I've only been on there a few days, so I guess I probably haven't shown up to a lot of people yet. Anyone got any tips?

It's certainly a pleasing enough distraction from my "IRL" situation


----------



## Kwert

BucketheadRules said:


> Well after about five days' silence, I invited her to a gig I might be going to on Friday which is near her, and I've heard back from her - she apologised again for not replying before, she's been at work a lot and had various other things stressing her out. Due to more of the same (work, family etc) she's not sure if she can make it this time either, but I've asked her to let me know. I'm hoping she might be able to, but I'm not really holding my breath.
> 
> In other news... Tinder is a funny one, isn't it? I've had two matches so far, the first of whom disappeared, dunno why. Anyway... I gather the technique is to swipe right on everyone and get as many matches as possible, then be selective later. My profile photo is one of me looking super cool (as always ) playing my low-slung Les Paul Junior, so I'm hoping that works in my favour. I've only been on there a few days, so I guess I probably haven't shown up to a lot of people yet. Anyone got any tips?
> 
> It's certainly a pleasing enough distraction from my "IRL" situation




Yeah man, it sounds like it's time to just let that girl go. In my experience if someone really wants to see you again, they'll make the time to do it instead of making excuses. Keep messing around with Tinder/OKCupid/what-have-you and eventually something will work out.


----------



## Alberto7

Ok, time to vent once more.

So, just about when is it that you could safely say you're over someone? For me, I've just found out that it's so easy to regress back into having feelings for someone again after you've dealt with them and thought you were done.

To make a long story short (-ish), once again, I started seeing my old roommate. Her relationship's officially ended apparently, and she's also officially getting back into guys, as per her word, so I thought that now, more than ever, I may have a shot (stupid me). I did that thing I do, where I subconsciously cling to whatever hope I find. We started talking a lot, and she started to come over to my place a lot. we'd constantly talk to each other on Facebook as well. I let myself fall back into the rabbit hole.

I'm starting classes on Monday, and I want to focus on myself this year, so I WILL NOT let this get in the way of my studies and my life again. Today, she came over again. We watched the Attack on Titan live-action film and Mr. Robot's finale together, chilled for a while, drank some pints of Sapporo, and then I thought it was time, so I spilled the beans. I knew what was coming, despite the fact that I was more hopeful than I ever was before (not that I should have been, to begin with, but too late for that, I guess), but I had to clear the waters before it was too late. It wasn't the best time to tell her, as she's in a difficult place atm (having just ended a terrible relationship and seriously questioning her own identity) but I had to anyway. Besides, I don't live with her anymore, so I have little excuse not to let her know. We had a longer, more understanding, and more heartfelt conversation about it than we ever did before, and we are still on good terms. Thankfully, she understood my reasons for telling her now, and said she was glad I told her now before classes began. We hugged it out right before she had to leave. For whatever reason, it hurts more than the first time, though I'm not anywhere near as anxious as I was back then (not having to see her face every day and all). We agreed that we won't see each other for a while, and she assured me she'd still be there for me if I needed her, and that she's willing to wait (as a friend, obvs) until I get over her, however long that takes.

It just really sucks I had to fall for it again. I really, REALLY want to remain friends with her without having to think about her as anything more than a friend, but I don't know how to do that. I know it can never be, and there are a gazillion reasons, and I understand them all, but I don't know how not to overlook those reasons. EDIT: especially when I believe that we'd be so perfect for each other otherwise... I can't seem to fully accept the reality of it, and it pisses me off that I can't. (Or, rather, that I don't know how to, because I know that I can.)

How do you stop feeling something for someone and cherish them as just a friend? How do you learn to be happy for that person's happiness with someone else that isn't you? Aagghh... those are the two things I'm going to have to find answers for, one way or another, if I am to ever keep that friendship. Call it a friendzone, call it a spell, but I'd have a very hard time forgiving myself if I ever let a person like her out of my life. I'm really hoping it's not another 4 years until I find someone I can trust like her again. :/

Anyway, at least she now knows, and I got that weight off of my shoulders. I can carry on with my life as I had planned out.

Just needed to vent.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Alberto7- 

You should feel damn proud of yourself. Unfortunately... the heart wants what it wants. No amount of "talking yourself down off the ledge" is going to quell the suicidal feelings ( by suicidal feelings I mean the feelings of love). At least it's not going to happen overnight... takes time. 

I do think that following an ex on FB is akin to eating some crap that you're allergic to... something that you like the taste of but subsequently makes you violently ill. Not a good idea imo. Block her or resist the urge to keep up with her postings... whatever you FB'ers do these days. I would highly suggest steering clear of her.. at least for some time to come. Your heart needs to mend and that ain't gonna happen while remaining in contact with her. It's all about you... your future and your life... not hers. And it's going to be damned hard to get over her and move on with your life and other potential relationships as long as this one remains tethered to your heart-strings.

As for feeling happy about her happiness. Screw her and her happiness. I don't mean that you should resent her, but who cares if you're happy for her or not. You don't have to be. 

Also.. .utilize other means of support and friendship whenever you can or whenever you need to. Talk to other people about this crap.. just as you are on here. Your best buds and sometimes family can help you to get beyond this. I assure you. 

Best of luck.


----------



## Alberto7

^ Thanks man, I appreciate the words.

I have her on Facebook as a friend, but I unfollowed her quite a while ago, so I don't see what she posts or when she's online. The only times I've visited her page and seen what she posts was this last week after we re-connected, since she's now drawing daily sketches that she's publishing there (she's a really gifted artist). I just didn't block her from my chat, so whenever she wants to talk to me, all she has to do is write. I trust her with that kind of power though. And yeah, I'm also bringing this to most of my closest friends' ears.  I'm certainly not keeping it all in. I'd be psychotic by now. 

Also, re-reading what I wrote before, my relationship with her is very unclear.  It's complicated, so I didn't give any details. We were never a couple. Just roommates and good friends. For the purposes of this conversation, she's basically my gay-in-the-process-of-becoming-bi ex-roommate who is also coming out of an extremely toxic 3-year long-distance relationship with manipulative girl that is 7 years older than her. We've been through a lot the last year, but have managed to stay really close, despite everything. It's just that it so happens that I fell in love with her while she's going through a very rough patch.

EDIT: but that's the thing, if I can't be happy for her, then how can I keep her in my life? I guess what I meant by that was that I just shouldn't be affected by whoever she chooses to end up with that isn't me. If I'm affected by it, then I'm not over her yet. I mean, my first girlfriend from when I was a teenager, who is one of the people I love the most in the entire world (platonically, that is), got married a few months ago, and I couldn't be any happier for her, meaning that it had no impact in my life. If she hadn't gotten married, I'd still be fine. That's where I want to be at with my ex-roommate.


----------



## flint757

The one thing you do have the power to do is to stop convincing yourself you have a shot anytime the opportunity arises. Liking her is one thing, but even your saying you shouldn't be hopeful yet you still tend to. I think if you can cement your actual chances into your mind you can stave off some of those feelings of affection even if you'll always have feelings for her.


----------



## Alberto7

^ and I agree. You see, that's my problem. I understand these things rationally, but I have no idea how to synchronize my emotions with my rationale. I'm struggling to find where that resistance to accept reality is coming from...

... the more I write about this, the more I think I need a professional to prod into my brain a little bit haha.


----------



## Church2224

Ibanezsam4 said:


> Well you already know the bad news: a lot of girls in college are usually paired off with somebody (lots of bodies at school, lots of opportunities).. BUT
> 
> The good news: most of the relationships have horrible chances of long-term success and are more or less the product of close, constant, social proximity.
> 
> My advice: be a part of the the college social scene. Even if you're not a heavy drinker go out to the bar nights and be seen cavorting with your colleagues.
> 
> when i was in school i never had time to go out to the bar nights or go to campus parties, and as a result i felt like i was a social outcast. went to one bar night and changed all that because i saw familiar faces (this actually helped me break this ice with my future wife).
> 
> be social and engaging with women and you'll get the same in return
> 
> but flip side of the coin, don't be too available. i knew a few dudes who were every girl's friend, but never had a shot with anyone they talked to. be friendly but have that air of mystery, let the lucky lady want to be the one to find out more about you than anyone else



Thanks man.

My biggest issue is that I am a commuter (note it is not a community college, I live in the county and my college is in the city), plus I work full time with my company when I am not in class and I have other obligations as well. So being "Too available" will not be the issue, in fact the opposite might be. 

I might have to make adjustments. 

On a good note though, it seems that women, and people in general, like being around me a lot more since I got back this semester. I mean, I already have a good amount of friends and good relationships with my clients, but now I do not have to approach people to meet them, people are approaching me for some reason. I am not sure what it is, but more VERY attractive women have been talking to me and are interested in "Going down to Church", and I even have people approaching me after class wanted to talk to me and meet me because of something I said. 

I used to not have this happen, the hell changed


----------



## piggins411

Church2224 said:


> "Going down to Church",




Dude this is an awesome phrase


----------



## Church2224

piggins411 said:


> Dude this is an awesome phrase



Thanks, I have more! 

"Hey girl, why don't you come to Church?"

"Hey, want to see my steeple?"

"This Church has a pretty big steeple, girl."

"Kneel before the Lord. "

"Come make my Church Bells Ring" 









I am going to hell


----------



## groverj3

Alberto7 said:


> I understand these things rationally, but I have no idea how to synchronize my emotions with my rationale.



Welcome to my world.

It's slightly comforting to know that really it's all just chemical imbalances in your brain. Though that doesn't make it feel less hellish.

Personally, I think attempts to reconcile emotions with logic are destined to fail most of the time.


----------



## groverj3

I'm going to bitch again.

Some more happened with my situation. Apparently she did come back to Tucson to collect her things before moving to Portland over the weekend and claimed she was just "too busy" to get ahold of anyone other than her roommates and "a few close friends." That she was "really sorry" and if she had more time she could've "sectioned off a chunk of time to see me again." She mentioned coming back down here again in a month or so and potentially catching up then.

I think it should be pretty self-explanatory why this has me bothered. Seriously though, hanging out again before she left was her idea in the first place. Never mind that essentially tells me I have been judged as unworthy of her time. Perhaps it was a literal thing, but that seems unlikely to me.

It's unclear to me whether this is an awkward situation that she's unprepared to handle, or she uncomfortable with just saying that she was never really interested in the first place. I could see it going either way, really. I guess I had just developed those pesky "feelings" and was wanting, selfishly, to at least see someone who seemed to have some sort of interest in me again because who knows when that might happen next. Despite knowing that in light of her moving away it wasn't going to lead anywhere.

Anyway, I'm bummed. I suppose she kind of sucks, based on this situation, but it doesn't mean I'm not still bummed.

Keep on keeping on and all that jazz, I suppose.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

The word "selfishly" sticks out in my mind when I read this post ^^^ but I dunno. We all have desires and those desires aren't really derived from self-serving intent... unless a relationship is truly unhealthy from the start. We also want any aspect of closure to be on OUR terms. Unfortunately women tend to be more likely to call the shots after they realize that we're in over our heads. Manipulation is something that begins to come into play as a relationship decays so it's up to us to consider all aspects of the bigger picture. Once we begin to step outside of our heart, we can then step outside of the relationship and begin viewing it with a new perspective. That's when the healing begins. We must force ourselves to stand alone... even if that means trembling, weak, and malnourished from what the relationship has sucked from us. Eventually the wounds begin to heal... even as the heart remains fragile. It happens. Life moves on... with or without her, and we must move too... slowly, painfully... one day at a time, until only the scars are left as a reminder of what once existed. Whether it ever does exist again is the million dollar question. But I feel that for most of us it does. All relationships are different, none of them are perfect, and rarely are they identical. We may only get one chance at "true" love but if we allow ourselves to take risks, and to learn from failure, and to grow from our experiences, then we allow ourselves further opportunities as well as the solace that it wasn't all for nothing. It may come again one day... in a different way, with a different woman, for some reason that we will likely never know until the game of life is finally over... or it may not. All I know that life is too damned short and too damned precious to just give up. No woman in this world is worth all the damned marbles. 

or as was much more succintly surmised... "Keep on keeping on, and all that jazz".


----------



## groverj3

Selfish in that it's apparent now that it's something I wanted despite her not wanting to. Though, seeing as I was pretty much just going along with what she said I'm not sure that label entirely fits. Humans are confusing.

I tried to take the high road in my response and let on that I was bummed about not seeing her but wished her luck with the move. Seems better than whining, I suppose. Besides, .... all this complication that my life doesn't need.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

groverj3 said:


> Selfish in that it's apparent now that it's something I wanted despite her not wanting to. Though seeing as I was pretty much just going along with what she said I'm not sure that label entirely fits. Humans are confusing.
> 
> I tried to take the high road in my response and let on that I was bummed about not seeing her but wished her luck with the move. Seems better than whining, I suppose. Besides, .... all this complication that my life doesn't need.



Meh... sometimes we all twist the rationale a little bit. 

Seems you were pretty damned cool towards her. I'd say you ultimately took the high-road... just letting her do what she wanted to do without manipulating her or complicating the situation. 

Keep on. man. Cheers!


----------



## JeffFromMtl

Are any of you guys completely incapable of gauging age? Well, I am and I unwittingly ended up hitting on a woman 14 years older than me (I'm 27). Long story short, we've been seeing each other for over a month now, and it fvcking rules. I haven't had any kind of relationship as fulfilling in so many ways in 4 or 5 years. In all honesty, I'm not very surprised. It's tough to find anyone my age who I don't think is either devoid of any genuine character or completely full of sh_i_t.


----------



## Konfyouzd

If I can't tell I leave it alone. I like my women "mature" anyway so when I see one I like it's usually very obvious she's legal.


----------



## Konfyouzd

groverj3 said:


> Humans are confusing.



This...

And it's because most of us don't know what we want to begin with but for some reason feel the need to feign certainty.


----------



## Alberto7

groverj3 said:


> Welcome to my world.
> 
> It's slightly comforting to know that really it's all just chemical imbalances in your brain. Though that doesn't make it feel less hellish.
> 
> Personally, I think attempts to reconcile emotions with logic are destined to fail most of the time.



Personally, the only way I've found of reconciling emotions with logic is getting rid of the disturbance, and letting time do its thing... which really just makes emotions fade away. One problem is, as I've found out, that those emotions can be sparked back to life again if you're not careful.

It's been 3 days since we agreed not to see each other, and since we've talked at all. I've resisted the urge to message her thanking her for being so understanding, but I feel like that's just an excuse to talk to her again, so I'm opposed to the idea. I can do that after I've forgotten the whole thing; she'll still appreciate it.

I've been doing stuff, going out, and hanging out with people since then, so that's definitely helped, but f*ck me if every time her image or the mere thought of what she might be up to pops into my head I don't feel a shadow being cast over me, regardless of social setting. Yack, terrible feeling, needs to go away soon. I'll give it a few weeks... and then I really do wonder when I'm going to speak to her again... months? A year? Who knows, but I should probably try not to worry about that for the coming weeks/months... or ever, idk.


----------



## russmuller

Alberto7 said:


> Personally, the only way I've found of reconciling emotions with logic is getting rid of the disturbance, and letting time do its thing... which really just makes emotions fade away. One problem is, as I've found out, that those emotions can be sparked back to life again if you're not careful.



 SOOOO TRUE!!

I went on a few dates with a girl about 7 years ago, and I was totally head over heels for her but she went crazy for some dude who was preparing to go to war and in a very short time promptly married him before deployment. It was a heart wrenching experience for me, and I decided distance was the best medicine.

I thought those feelings were long dead, but we hung out for a little bit about a year ago and it took me a good two weeks before the embers in my chest cooled off. Luckily for me, she moved across the country so I don't find myself tempted into that situation again. But yeah... that stuff can re-ignite unexpectedly.


----------



## Konfyouzd

*deleted - not relevant*


----------



## BucketheadRules

I feel like I've basically given up on the girl I was talking to. Not sure what's happened really... we were both so busy and she's been so stressed that there was no chance of getting anything arranged for ages. I don't know if that's still the case but it seems like it's really cooled off, through no real fault of my own. The strange thing is that I'm not too bothered about it - I guess I've lost interest, and I'm sure she has (if there was much to start with). I dunno... we're on good terms, nothing was said, there's no awkwardness. I wouldn't say the door's still open, but maybe it's ajar. One of our mutual friends is playing a gig on Friday night that she's going to. I've been invited as well so I might go along and see what happens.

In other news... I've had quite a few matches on Tinder. There's only one I'm actually interested in though - she's not far from me, we've been talking here and there since we matched a few days ago. I was very quick off the mark with asking her out, and she said yes. She's busy with her family all this week but hopefully next week we'll get something sorted. Any advice for how to keep things ticking over without being annoying until then?


----------



## MFB

Just got back from dinner with a lady friend, and it's such a relieving feeling when you realize you're fine as friends. Like, I've been over thinking since she texted me wanting to hang out since I never see women use the phrase, "I wanna see you" unless it's business time. And things ended badly with her last boyfriend so I was like "Oh ...., did things kind of line up after a while and this is gonna happen?" But luckily I was wrong. I would've been fine of she did go that route since we're great friends but over the course of dinner I realized that's where it ends. We get along great and can pick things up without seeing each other for months. So yeah...


----------



## Alberto7

^^ That's a good question. All of the matches I've had on Tinder, I either lose interest in very quickly, or they lose interest in me.

Reminds me of this girl I messaged a while back on OkCupid. She replied and we talked for a few days, though the messaging process was slow. I found her dull and suspected she wasn't really interested, so I stopped writing back. A couple of days later, she wrote back asking how I was doing, and did so quite a few times. As confused as I was, she was still pretty cute, so I thought I'd give it another shot. Again, I felt like our conversations just kept going nowhere, I didn't feel like putting in any more effort, and, after a few days, I got fed up and just stopped replying. She never replied either after I stopped. I guess I either don't know how to Tinder, or my attention span is like that of a rodent.  Bottomline is, I just haven't had a very good experience with online dating apps, and they took up too much of my time browsing and matching. Sure, the physical attraction is there, but I'm usually not interested in putting a lot of effort into pursuing that. Only if I feel a sort of spark will I actually go the extra mile(s), but, usually, by that point I'm already too attached and I'm stuck with feelings that I don't necessarily want.

EDIT:


MFB said:


> Just got back from dinner with a lady friend, and it's such a relieving feeling when you realize you're fine as friends. Like, I've been over thinking since she texted me wanting to hang out since I never see women use the phrase, "I wanna see you" unless it's business time. And things ended badly with her last boyfriend so I was like "Oh ...., did things kind of line up after a while and this is gonna happen?" But luckily I was wrong. I would've been fine of she did go that route since we're great friends but over the course of dinner I realized that's where it ends. We get along great and can pick things up without seeing each other for months. So yeah...



And that's exactly what I want, but can't seem to have with my old roommate.  *sigh*


----------



## MFB

Trust me, I was in the same situation a few years ago and would've done anything to get her; but over time we've slightly changed as people and we still get along great (obviously) and now I realize that she's not really what I'm looking for. It'd work for a little while no doubt, but if we did commit we'd probably be bored and go our separate ways.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Alberto7 said:


> ^^ That's a good question. All of the matches I've had on Tinder, I either lose interest in very quickly, or they lose interest in me.



Yeah, her losing interest in me is what I'm trying to avoid. I've been keeping an occasional eye on when she was last online, and it's been over 24 hours so I assume she's just busy with her parents, as she said, and either doesn't want to use Tinder for a bit or doesn't have time (she's studying near me and lives away from her parents, they've come to visit). So I figure it's not worth saying anything much for the next few days, but at some point I need to hit her with a date and see if she's free. 

I've heard that you need to take things really quickly on Tinder if you want to get anywhere, but I feel like I've sort of done the important bit already - I asked her if she wanted to go for a drink only a few messages into our conversation - and I know she's interested in doing it, so maybe I can chill out a bit now? Main objective is just to not be annoying and offputting by messaging her too much, which is difficult because I tend to get excited.


----------



## Genome

I've begun to realise how much I _hate_ social media. It just seems to trigger anxiety, especially with this sort of thing. Is it just me?


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Genome said:


> I've begun to realise how much I _hate_ social media. It just seems to trigger anxiety, especially with this sort of thing. Is it just me?



nope. this has been reported on and is actually a pretty widespread phenomenon. when you get into social media you start evaluating your life through social media. so if you don't have as many friends, or not as many people like your status updates etc. you get down about it. 

some also say social media hurts the ability to cope or empathize with people of diverging viewpoints because it allows one to only interact with like-minded people... 

social media sucks... oh well, back to posting pictures of my dog on instagram.. he gets the most likes


----------



## Genome

It's not just that for me. It's the need to constantly check it, feeling disconnected if I don't, having constant updates and information available on friends and especially people you are dating. Being able to message them and view if they've read it or if they're online, it just triggers insecurities and anxiety. 

I feel like saying, .... it, I can't be bothered with it because it's just an emotional drain, but I never last more than a few hours... because I get anxious when I don't check it.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

^ you're pretty much in line with what a lot of people experience with digital socialization. the good news is you have an idea what's going on, and if you think its a negative than take a SM break. the world won't end.


----------



## Genome

Yeah, it's good that it seems to be a widely-known thing. I'm aware it's probably some latent insecurities on my part but it drives me up the wall. 

I might delete all my profiles and only accept correspondence via letter or homing pigeon.


----------



## Alberto7

BucketheadRules said:


> Yeah, her losing interest in me is what I'm trying to avoid. I've been keeping an occasional eye on when she was last online, and it's been over 24 hours so I assume she's just busy with her parents, as she said, and either doesn't want to use Tinder for a bit or doesn't have time (she's studying near me and lives away from her parents, they've come to visit). So I figure it's not worth saying anything much for the next few days, but at some point I need to hit her with a date and see if she's free.
> 
> I've heard that you need to take things really quickly on Tinder if you want to get anywhere, but I feel like I've sort of done the important bit already - I asked her if she wanted to go for a drink only a few messages into our conversation - and I know she's interested in doing it, so maybe I can chill out a bit now? Main objective is just to not be annoying and offputting by messaging her too much, which is difficult because I tend to get excited.



That sounds good, what you got there.
However, don't obsess about it. I think that's my best piece of advice. When you constantly check what she's been up to, or whether or not she's been on Tinder, you create a sort of wall around you and that person, and you think of nothing but that... I don't know if that makes much sense. Regardless, in the process, you raise your expectations, and, if they're crushed, you'll be crushed with them. Tinder is known for being particularly superficial, too, so it might not even be worth it to worry that much. So take it easy on the checking, and do your thing in the meantime. I'm writing this not only for you, but also for me, so if I come across as though I just wanna tell you what to do, I'm probably saying it to myself, because I have that very problem. 

... this is coming from the guy who can't do Tinder  so take that with a bucketload of salt.



Genome said:


> I've begun to realise how much I _hate_ social media. It just seems to trigger anxiety, especially with this sort of thing. Is it just me?



Social media is the bane of my existence, and I don't even use it that much. Just knowing that the person's profile is there and accessible at any time, is enough to make me want to puke with anxiety. I've become a hell of a lot better at controlling my impulses to use and constantly check social media, especially when I'm depressed or anxious, but it's still hard on the mind.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Alberto7 said:


> That sounds good, what you got there.
> However, don't obsess about it. I think that's my best piece of advice. When you constantly check what she's been up to, or whether or not she's been on Tinder, you create a sort of wall around you and that person, and you think of nothing but that... I don't know if that makes much sense. Regardless, in the process, you raise your expectations, and, if they're crushed, you'll be crushed with them. Tinder is known for being particularly superficial, too, so it might not even be worth it to worry that much. So take it easy on the checking, and do your thing in the meantime. I'm writing this not only for you, but also for me, so if I come across as though I just wanna tell you what to do, I'm probably saying it to myself, because I have that very problem.
> 
> ... this is coming from the guy who can't do Tinder  so take that with a bucketload of salt.



No man, makes total sense - thanks, I appreciate it. I've had this problem a couple of times, although not on Tinder. It can be horrific.

I've been getting better at the whole taking-it-easy-not-becoming-obsessed thing, but sometimes I do get over-excited and lapse back into old ways.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Genome said:


> Yeah, it's good that it seems to be a widely-known thing. I'm aware it's probably some latent insecurities on my part but it drives me up the wall.
> 
> I might delete all my profiles and only accept correspondence via letter or homing pigeon.



i will join you in your homing pigeon revival. i love pets and having dated forms of correspondence makes us _THE_ hipsters on the planet.


----------



## Veldar

Quick update, last weekend we ended up sharing a bed at a party but since then it's been really awkward so when confronted about it she said she wasn't interested at all, which makes me feel amazing, I'm no longer thinking about any of it, a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.


----------



## tacotiklah

I dunno what it is, but people I meet online in facebook or whatnot seem to crush on me hard, but when I go to meet people in person, they just kinda lose interest. 
I'm not THAT bad looking.


----------



## BrailleDecibel

Found out that a girl I like that I met at one of my band's shows (we hit it off pretty well, and ended up hanging out a couple times after that) is now seeing someone, and she's about the only girl I know of that was remotely interested in me. I've been single for quite awhile and was hoping things might go somewhere with her, so this really sucks. Cue another who-knows-how-many years of single-ness.


----------



## MetalheadMC

tacotiklah said:


> I dunno what it is, but people I meet online in facebook or whatnot seem to crush on me hard, but when I go to meet people in person, they just kinda lose interest.
> I'm not THAT bad looking.



Are you a different person in real life than you are behind the internet? I know texting and online conversation is a whole lot easier, but do you change in any way between the 2?


----------



## MetalheadMC

So I had my first casual date post marriage and it was fantastic. We had bbq, went to a local pub, had coffee, then went to a monument at night that looks over the city.

Had a conversation about what she wanted long term, and I proceeded to tell her I'm not the guy for her long term, but the guy for this stage in her life, and that I'll never want anything long term again. 

She accepted the honesty and the night turned out way better than expected. She's great but she knows where I stand. I know what she wants, so when she's ready she'll let me know and we'll move along in our separate directions. Very relaxing


----------



## Alberto7

So, slightly irrelevant, but I just met someone on Tinder... for the second time. Turns out we initially met each other like 4 years ago when I lived in the Middle East, and we would see each other all the time at parties... except I don't actually remember her. I jokingly said "I hope I didn't meet you when I was drunk?" to which she replied "you were always drunk" and now I see how people from back then remember me.  I'm not proud, but I find it hilarious.  In any case, she's an old friend's sister, and she is kinda cute, and I wouldn't mind going with it. Let's see how things pan out.

EDIT: correction, after reminiscing for a while, I realized we met each other at least 7 years ago, when I still hung out with that group of people back in 2007-2008.  Jesus, I can't believe she still remembers me haha.


----------



## wannabguitarist

Alberto7 said:


> So, slightly irrelevant, but I just met someone on Tinder... for the second time. Turns out we initially met each other like 4 years ago when I lived in the Middle East, and we would see each other all the time at parties... except I don't actually remember her. I jokingly said "I hope I didn't meet you when I was drunk?" to which she replied "you were always drunk" and now I see how people from back then remember me.  I'm not proud, but I find it hilarious.  In any case, she's an old friend's sister, and she is kinda cute, and I wouldn't mind going with it. Let's see how things pan out.
> 
> EDIT: correction, after reminiscing for a while, I realized we met each other at least 7 years ago, when I still hung out with that group of people back in 2007-2008.  Jesus, I can't believe she still remembers me haha.



Go bangout


----------



## MetalheadMC

Still chilling with the same chick time to time. She's great and all but she's still a woman and she has to be reminded constantly of where I stand because her feelings get in the way. It's fun for the most part, but it seems every time she has to be reminded it's not a forever thing, she wants to end it, then comes back.

I have to laugh at the situation because I have no major feelings to be shredded in this. Little piece of advice, don't give them the whole thing the first time


----------



## AliceLG

GUISE I MADE IT! 

Ok, background: ending last year I asked a friend out (let's call her N) and we finally went on a couple of dates in early february. I fell hard, and fast, for this one. It didn't work out, she wasn't feeling it even though she knew we'd be awesome together. As some might say I got friendzoned. It was devastating for me. We rekindled our friendship about a month later and have become great friends since then.

Fastforward to a month ago. I got invited to a wedding and given a +1. Being single and not seeing anyone I thought it'd be fun to get N into a fancy dress (she's the quintessential tomboy) and invited her to come with. She was in. 2 weeks later, as fate would have it, I was seeing someone else (let's call her S) but things were feeling a little bit forced. I soldiered through nonetheless, determined to give it an honest try. Without any intention on my side, N and I hooked up at the wedding, after which she confess she's been in love with me for a while. Out of the friendzone and into the fire. Things with S were swiftly yet honestly stopped.

I am so fvcking happy. After being sweetly rejected and abandoning all hope, I got my girl


----------



## MFB

MFB said:


> Just got back from dinner with a lady friend, and it's such a relieving feeling when you realize you're fine as friends. Like, I've been over thinking since she texted me wanting to hang out since I never see women use the phrase, "I wanna see you" unless it's business time. And things ended badly with her last boyfriend so I was like "Oh ...., did things kind of line up after a while and this is gonna happen?" But luckily I was wrong. I would've been fine of she did go that route since we're great friends but over the course of dinner I realized that's where it ends. We get along great and can pick things up without seeing each other for months. So yeah...



Welp, current me envies this me.

I don't know what it is, but I can't seem to get out of my own head when I have plans with this chick. We've been talking more since I moved back, and that night she told me she's talking to someone, and I shouldn't do anything since I really don't want to jeopardize one of the few really solid friendships I have left; but I feel like I'm going to end up doing it anyways, some way or another. I wrote up this really long blurb* about two years ago when I was at the height of my anxiety with it since I hadn't seen her in a while, and that was when I was really willing to say I do love her, and I think that's why it's screwing with me so bad. She's the one I end up comparing others to, and I think what she would do in scenarios vs. what's currently happening, and it's maddening.

I say this all in a positive light mind you, it's not her fault in any way since she basically came into the picture and has only been herself, but damn if that doesn't make it any less annoying

*Truth be told, I'm pretty sure if she did read it she'd end up crying because it gets pretty sappy over the nature of our relationship and self-critical


----------



## Alberto7

^ I understand that pain all too well...

I'm just gonna draw my case as a parallel to yours here, since I think they're so similar in that regard (thought we were just friends at one point, only to then realize that I still had feelings for her, yada yada yada):
It's been a while now since I told her to stay away, and, honestly, the more I think about it, the more I think I can't have a healthy relationship with her, no matter what happens. I still have small bouts of depression and anxiety when I think of her too much, because I really miss her and I still sometimes desperately wish I could be with her. I feel like when you admire someone so deeply, and that person has had such a big impact on you, it's hard to stop wanting them. It only makes sense that you'll want something you're sure will make you happy. Unless at some point you have some sort of unrelated life-changing event that makes you appreciate life in a completely different light, they're going to keep being what you look for in a partner, and you're going to keep wanting them... it's a reaction that I've found nearly impossible to control. However, they may not return the feelings, and you can't force _anybody_ to, and that's the point where I realized that, if that's the case, then I just can't be around them. I love them and everything about them, and it's extremely painful to cut them off, but I have to. (And that means social media, too. I get some sick FOMOS-induced anxiety when I see pictures of what she's been up to and who she's been hanging out, or "hanging out," with.) I always drew parallels with how I remained very good friends with my first ex, and used that as an example of how I could, indeed, manage a friendship with my ex-roommate given everything we've been through. Looking back, however, perhaps the only reason I remained friends with my first ex is because we've lived literally thousands of kilometers away from each other the last 10-11 years, and there was a solid 2 years after we broke up that we literally didn't say a word to each other. The one time we did see each other after I moved out and we broke up (5 years after), I was single, and we kept close contact for a while, and I couldn't get her out of my head for some time. It made me kind of want her again. It re-sparked the flame, so to speak, and that didn't go away after we toned down the frequency of our communication. Nowadays, we talk very infrequently, but, when we do, I get reminded of why I liked her so much, despite the fact that I was a kid back then, and a pretty different person.

Of course, YMMV, but, for me, the best course of action is still to grow disconnected from the person. The love is still there, but it's kept under control by the distance. Unless there's someone else to fill that hole, I find it way too easy to fall back into being hung up on them. I think I'm at a point where I can say that I definitely feel better missing her but having my own space, than having her close to me as a friend but dying of the anxiety of not being able to hold her and kiss her. Should she show up again any time soon and should I let her step in again, I am pretty sure I'd fall back in the same hole I was before, and I am absolutely not willing to risk that a third time. I've got way too much sh!t that I gotta do with my life to be worrying about something that will never happen. Not worth it.

Again, I am not actively trying to discourage you, or anybody, from pursuing what could likely be something great (and, let's face it, your chances are infinitely higher than mine ever were,  and I don't know the full details, nor your thought processes), but just offering what I've found to be a surefire solution (albeit a hard one) to a worst case scenario.

I hope some of that made sense without sounding too cynical... I'm still trying to figure .... out myself, but I feel like I am slowly getting there.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Been talking a lot to a cute girl on Tinder the last four or five days... the conversation got pretty dirty pretty quickly which is cool, and I feel like I'm probably in there if I want it, but a couple of things are concerning me. She mentioned just having broken up with an asshole of an ex who cheated on her and was violent, which is obviously awful but doesn't it seem like very soon to be trying to find someone new? (if what she said is true, she only ditched him last week).

That's not really my main concern - this is. In her bio she mentioned a liking for weed, which doesn't bother me _too_ much although I'm not into that at all, never done any drugs and don't intend to. Then this morning she mentioned having dropped acid at the weekend... now that's a different ballpark, am I right? So yeah, I think it's fair to say I have my doubts. But then... she's cute, she seems to want to f*ck me... what should I do?

Try and date her and see how it goes? Hit it and quit it? Or just break out the ten foot pole (not a euphemism) and get the hell out of there?


----------



## Ibanezsam4

BucketheadRules said:


> Been talking a lot to a cute girl on Tinder the last four or five days... the conversation got pretty dirty pretty quickly which is cool, and I feel like I'm probably in there if I want it, but a couple of things are concerning me. She mentioned just having broken up with an asshole of an ex who cheated on her and was violent, which is obviously awful but doesn't it seem like very soon to be trying to find someone new? (if what she said is true, she only ditched him last week).
> 
> That's not really my main concern - this is. In her bio she mentioned a liking for weed, which doesn't bother me _too_ much although I'm not into that at all, never done any drugs and don't intend to. Then this morning she mentioned having dropped acid at the weekend... now that's a different ballpark, am I right? So yeah, I think it's fair to say I have my doubts. But then... she's cute, she seems to want to f*ck me... what should I do?
> 
> Try and date her and see how it goes? Hit it and quit it? Or just break out the ten foot pole (not a euphemism) and get the hell out of there?



if you don't like her lifestyle that's a relationship deal breaker. if you 2 were madly in love it would be ok to request holding off on certain habits; but you're not. 

my vote is hit and quit

EDIT: also its Tinder... isn't the expectation on that app just to hook up at this point?


----------



## Vrollin

BucketheadRules said:


> Been talking a lot to a cute girl on Tinder the last four or five days... the conversation got pretty dirty pretty quickly which is cool, and I feel like I'm probably in there if I want it, but a couple of things are concerning me. She mentioned just having broken up with an asshole of an ex who cheated on her and was violent, which is obviously awful but doesn't it seem like very soon to be trying to find someone new? (if what she said is true, she only ditched him last week).
> 
> That's not really my main concern - this is. In her bio she mentioned a liking for weed, which doesn't bother me _too_ much although I'm not into that at all, never done any drugs and don't intend to. Then this morning she mentioned having dropped acid at the weekend... now that's a different ballpark, am I right? So yeah, I think it's fair to say I have my doubts. But then... she's cute, she seems to want to f*ck me... what should I do?
> 
> Try and date her and see how it goes? Hit it and quit it? Or just break out the ten foot pole (not a euphemism) and get the hell out of there?



Its tinder, if shes talking dirty to you in 5 days id be out of there, you think you're the only one shes currently talking to like that? Thats not long term material, well not in my books....


----------



## BucketheadRules

Fair enough... I'm a Tinder noob really, not been on it for long so I guess I'm not used to this sort of thing. Treating it with caution.


----------



## MFB

Alberto7 said:


> ^ I understand that pain all too well...
> 
> Stuff...



The problem is I don't think I could stop talking to her, or distance myself like that; and I think she might feel the same way since she'll text me random things here and there that others won't/can't appreciate. So I think by the nature of our relationship we'd still keep some sort of dialogue going, regardless of how it'd be.

I've gone full Mosby


----------



## Ibanezsam4

BucketheadRules said:


> Fair enough... I'm a Tinder noob really, not been on it for long so I guess I'm not used to this sort of thing. Treating it with caution.




yeah no need to catch hepatitis ampersand


----------



## Alberto7

MFB said:


> The problem is I don't think I could stop talking to her, or distance myself like that; and I think she might feel the same way since she'll text me random things here and there that others won't/can't appreciate. So I think by the nature of our relationship we'd still keep some sort of dialogue going, regardless of how it'd be.
> 
> I've gone full Mosby



idk why I laughed so hard at the HIMYM reference 

But yeah, I get what you mean. She and I also have that kind of "just us" sort of relationship, with tons of inside jokes and commentary. We always liked being and doing stuff together on our own, and that's how I'd say ~70% of our relationship developed. My distancing from her was very explicit and loudly enunciated though. It was totally cold turkey. I did not phase her out; I never could have. At least not without coming across as a total dickwad. Then again, she knew my position, and she understood it. That's a step that, as I understand, you haven't taken with her, am I right? I only did it because I was at a point where I was completely desperate to break out of that vicious circle, and did it after having tried my hardest to save the friendship. I did it mostly for self-centered reasons, and she also knew this very well, and she seemed to accept it. (Even if it did hurt her.) I don't know how much you've tried (to put it some way), but you and I are different, so you may find a different answer. I say you clear the waters first though. You guys are good friends, so who knows, she will very likely understand, and I do think that honesty is paramount when it comes to things like these, because it can eat you alive otherwise.


----------



## MFB

> That's a step that, as I understand, you haven't taken with her, am I right?



Nope, I keep that .... locked away tight because it could make or break us, and I don't want the latter; unfortunately that's not something you can just throw out there and have the options be 'stay the same' or 'get better.' There's that redheaded third option.

And to make matters worse, I just got a text saying how excited she is to go out tonight (we're going to a game) so it's like, uuuuugggghhhhh.


----------



## Alberto7

MFB said:


> unfortunately that's not something you can just throw out there and have the options be 'stay the same' or 'get better.'



You might be right on that one. I'm mostly thinking about what might benefit you alone in the long run, instead of the two of you.



MFB said:


> And to make matters worse, I just got a text saying how excited she is to go out tonight (we're going to a game) so it's like, uuuuugggghhhhh.



If anything, I know _exactly_ that feeling.  Sorry I couldn't come up with anything better man.  Hopefully you'll meet someone just as good as, or better than, her sometime soon, and you'll forget about the whole thing.


----------



## MFB

> Hopefully you'll meet someone just as good as, or better than, her sometime soon, and you'll forget about the whole thing.



This is the part that worries me, is that I'll still compare that someone who by all standards SHOULD be all those things, to her and not be able to do anything; because I never took the shot before, so it's always going to have that feeling of an open door, but even that's not an accurate statement. I think until I do say/do something, it's going to be a hinderance, but I don't want to have to do that because then it jeopardizes another good thing.

Eventually I'll figure this out, for now I'm just gonna not try and word-vomit all over the place


----------



## will_shred

I feel like I want to walk out of my perfectly healthy LTR because commitment and responsibility make me uncomfortable. Anyone else been in this boat before? I might be crazy, it might be my depression talking to me, but facing this kind of reality head on is completely overwhelming. Whenever I think about it I just picture millions of doors slamming in my face essentially.


----------



## asher

It's the depression talking.

If you don't have a professional you're already working with, I highly recommend you talk to one


----------



## flint757

I'm the king of self sabotage so I can relate.


----------



## MFB

Guys, I figured it out. 

_I'm in love with the_ idea _of her_

I was thinking about it all day, and it's weird because when we're together, I'm still collected and my usual self; which isn't usually how it works when you're around someone you're crushing that hard for in person. The exact opposite rather. But then I realized, I love the fact that our relationship is so easy, and it just kind of clicks. She made a joke tonight that the only reason we're still friends is because she texts me and bugs me, and that's 100% true. I love her to death as a friend, but I consider myself a huge burden to others (with no real basis as to why) so if I don't talk to someone and they don't make an effort to talk to me - I'll drop it and move on.

But that easy going, effortless relationship is what I'm looking for in general, not specifically from her. Is she cute? Absolutely, and if she wanted to do the tango I'd be down, even though that itself would change our relationship; but the idea of what we have is more alluring than what it actually is when we're together, which is why when I start to think about what it is, that's when I get serious with it.


----------



## TheHandOfStone

Yep, as someone who experiences a strong intellectual component to romantic (and even just _physical_) attraction, I can definitely relate to the scenario MFB is describing. In these cases, I find the experiences I share with the person I'm "attracted" to primarily feed the _idea_ of the person rather than an actual emotional connection. I'm not sure how to stop this toxic dissociation of self-created fantasy from the interpersonal reality, but I know it all too well and it's at least relieving to know that others suffer from it too.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Months have passed...
I still think her, but let's say that I've come to a certain reasoning with myself, I tried to rest my soul and found peace, not happyness, but peace...I stopped to write her and such for a good 2 months...
Yesterday I got the info that she'll be back to visit her mother in October, her mother who lives 100 meters from my workplace...for me it's May 16th again.
Yesterday I didn't slept again, feel the eyes wayery and incredibly nervous.
I'm totally not ready for this yet.
And it scares me a great deal.


----------



## tacotiklah

New girlfriend day today! :3
Things in my life look a lot better now...


----------



## piggins411

What is the action like? Will you keep the stock pups?


----------



## Alberto7

Heeeey happy for you, Jess!  From reading your posts here and in other threads, I feel like this is gonna be good for you.

Happy NG(F)D! Strum away, my friend.


----------



## asher

[obligatory fingering joke]


----------



## BucketheadRules

Weird few days... met a girl from uni last month during Freshers week, we have a few friends in common so tended to hang out together at all the events (and sometimes ended up abandoning everyone else anyway). We started talking and last week I asked her if she wanted to meet up, just the two of us. So on Friday night we went out to a gig one of her friends was playing. We ended up making out... a few times 

So I tried to keep the momentum going and suggested another night out this week, to which she replied asking if this was me asking her out on a date, "because if so it's not going to work out"... she explained there was no problem but she just saw it as something we did when we were drunk and she didn't want it to get serious. I was disappointed but I don't have too much of a problem with it... as I told her, I'd rather she told me the truth than just making excuses. So I quickly suggested we put it behind us and it seems like we're cool.

Mixed feelings I guess... I was kind of hoping this would work out, because she's really cool (not to mention very very good-looking) but at least she's not been a dick about it and we can move past it. And besides... I still summoned the balls to kiss her, and she was definitely into it at the time, so I'm still kinda proud of myself


----------



## BucketheadRules

It's refreshing to not be led on with a bunch of excuses like usually happens when a girl is too chickensh*t to just politely turn you down.


----------



## MetalheadMC

^^^well next time yall go out and get drunk, you know there's a shor for some fun for the night. And yes it is nice when they tell you the truth up front


----------



## BucketheadRules

MetalheadMC said:


> ^^^well next time yall go out and get drunk, you know there's a shor for some fun for the night. And yes it is nice when they tell you the truth up front



Do you mean this sort of thing could happen again with the same girl, even after what she's just said? I'm not an expert, I need it spelt out  I mean, I'm not gonna be pining for her but I certainly wouldn't be averse to getting off with her again if she felt like it


----------



## BlackMastodon

BucketheadRules said:


> Do you mean this sort of thing sometimes happens again with the same girl, even after what she's just said? I'm not an expert, I need it spelt out  I mean, I'm not gonna be pining for her but I certainly wouldn't be averse to getting off with her again if she felt like it


She said she wasn't looking for anything serious, so maybe she just wants to have some fun? Toe the waters, so to speak, and see what you guys are okay with. Nothing wrong with having some no-strings-attached fun.

And yeah, it's incredibly refreshing when people are up front and honest with you instead of .....footing around the issue.


----------



## MetalheadMC

BucketheadRules said:


> Do you mean this sort of thing could happen again with the same girl, even after what she's just said? I'm not an expert, I need it spelt out  I mean, I'm not gonna be pining for her but I certainly wouldn't be averse to getting off with her again if she felt like it



Women are strange creatures but yeah there's definitely a possibility. Especially if yall are around the same friends, setting, and just happen to be drinking, there's always a possibility. 

She doesn't want anything serious like noted above, but it could be some good fun if the mood is right and you play your cards right


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

Gonna be my one year anniversary with my girlfriend in two weeks.

I've never had a relationship last even half this long. Something that makes me happy is knowing I think about her all the time. I have my own goals and clubs and we maintain separate lives but we're together all of the time and I like the fact that I'm allowed to think in terms of "us".

I'm excited for our anniversary because it's on a weekend. We're going to take a drive to an animal shelter so she can play with puppies and kittens (she's never had a pet), then dinner and a movie. Very much looking forward to it.

I love her so much. She deserves everything.

Also since her parents were gracious enough to let me live with them in the city for the summer so I could do my internship, my parents and I bought my girlfriend a PS4 as a thank you/early birthday present. Her reaction when she opened it was priceless.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

UnattendedGolfcart said:


> Gonna be my one year anniversary with my girlfriend in two weeks.
> 
> I've never had a relationship last even half this long. Something that makes me happy is knowing I think about her all the time. I have my own goals and clubs and we maintain separate lives but we're together all of the time and I like the fact that I'm allowed to think in terms of "us".
> 
> I'm excited for our anniversary because it's on a weekend. We're going to take a drive to an animal shelter so she can play with puppies and kittens (she's never had a pet), then dinner and a movie. Very much looking forward to it.
> 
> I love her so much. She deserves everything.
> 
> Also since her parents were gracious enough to let me live with them in the city for the summer so I could do my internship, my parents and I bought my girlfriend a PS4 as a thank you/early birthday present. Her reaction when she opened it was priceless.



She sounds like a great girl. It's very cool/ respectable that you seem to have a sincere appreciation of her and of who she is as a person. Y'all probably very fortunate to be intimately involved. Best of luck to both of you.


----------



## tacotiklah

piggins411 said:


> What is the action like? Will you keep the stock pups?



I would keep everything about her stock. She has fantastic action and can sustain sweet notes of love for long time.


----------



## Vrollin

BucketheadRules said:


> Do you mean this sort of thing could happen again with the same girl, even after what she's just said? I'm not an expert, I need it spelt out  I mean, I'm not gonna be pining for her but I certainly wouldn't be averse to getting off with her again if she felt like it



Sounds like great "netflix and chill" territory to me, if you know what I mean....


----------



## BucketheadRules

Vrollin said:


> Sounds like great "netflix and chill" territory to me, if you know what I mean....



Dunno man, I don't know if I'd have the balls to ask if such a thing is an option given that she's just turned me down for a date...

I actually bumped into her today and no mention was made of it at all, it was as if nothing had happened. No awkwardness at all really.


----------



## MetalheadMC

Vrollin said:


> Sounds like great "netflix and chill" territory to me, if you know what I mean....



"Netflix and chill" is one D away from "Netflix and child"

Enjoy responsibly brothers


----------



## asher

MetalheadMC said:


> "Netflix and chill" is one D away from "Netflix and child"
> 
> Enjoy responsibly brothers


----------



## BucketheadRules

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Saw her again tonight, we were unexpectedly both at the same house party  She was a lot more drunk than me, because I'd been gigging and arrived late, by which point most of the booze had gone.

There weren't that many people there so we spent quite a while hanging out, despite the best cockblocking efforts of one of the hosts, a friend of mine who also has a thing for her (I can tell she doesn't feel the same)... towards the end of the night we were pretty much on our own for a while and she apologised for the situation earlier this week. I told her again not to worry and that I appreciated her honesty.

She told me that she's never had a boyfriend before (which surprised me as she's a couple of years older than me, and hot - it also resonated with me because I've never had a girlfriend myself) and that she "can't date", but she basically straight up told me that she finds me attractive and that if she was looking for a boyfriend the situation could have been quite different... really not sure what to make of all that. Obviously she was pretty drunk when she told me all this, but it seems like there could be some truth in it... maybe I'm flattering myself.

Anyway, there was an acoustic guitar there (I wasn't the only one playing, we're all musos so it wasn't just me being a dickhead, I did play Wonderwall for the lulz though ) so when we were (almost) alone, I was playing a bunch of cheesy love songs and she was singing along, it was nice. I probably could have kissed her again, there was some definite tension there but it didn't feel like a good idea. Instead gave her a kiss on the cheek when I left (which was reciprocated... twice)

I have no f*cking idea what's going on now, but it's annoying because the more time I spend with her, the more I like her.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Watch out, man. They often know what they are doing... more-so than it appears to us. She probably DOES find you attractive ( to some degree) but it sounds like that was a lot of drunk-talk on her part. I wouldn't take a whole lot of her words or actions as much more than intoxicated babble. It also seems ( as I've seen it a million times) that she says things to keep you where she wants you. Not that you are so weak that you might play the fool, but good-looking chicks can be very sly and it's almost always disguised as sincerity. Please don't take my opinion here as a cut on her. Y'all are both probably very nice/ cool people but once you start to slip into that hole, it becomes pretty difficult to crawl out of... especially if you follow your heart and disregard your brain. I certainly don't think that she's intentionally trying to "play you" but I would still be very wary of how things progress. Sounds like you both had a good time tonight. Try not to lose any sleep over anything that happened. It'll all work out however it is meant to work out.


----------



## TedEH

BucketheadRules said:


> She was a lot more drunk [...] she "can't date" [...] if she was looking for a boyfriend the situation could have been quite different [...] Obviously she was pretty drunk [...] Settled for a kiss on the cheek when I left [...] I have no f*cking idea what's going on now



Red flags, man. Sounds to me like she's f'n with you for who knows what reason, maybe just for her own entertainment or something, who knows. I'd take it as a confidence boost that you got the interest of someone you're attracted to, and use that momentum to find someone who's not going to play head games with you. As they say on the internet: 'aint nobody got time for that.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

I dunno... It seems pretty clear to me. She has no interest in a relationship. At most, she might be willing to have some fun, but to pretend its unclear or that she's stringing him along is silly.

She said she doesn't want a relationship, and she coated her words in sugar so as not to offend. That's it. If anybody really expects much more after that, then that's their fault, not hers. Kisses on the cheek, flirting, and even outright sex means nothing if she outright told you there's nothing there.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Leave. It. Alone.

There are billions of ppl.


----------



## Alberto7

Konfyouzd said:


> Leave. It. Alone.
> 
> There are billions of ppl.



Regardless of any motives involved (or lack, thereof), that sounds like the safest course of action.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Konfyouzd said:


> Leave. It. Alone.
> 
> There are billions of ppl.



This is also true. Best way to avoid future drama is to just not partake in "risky" behavior. By all means stay friends, but its likely in your best interest to avoid kissing/boning/whatever altogether.


----------



## ftr

taking a girl to a show tomorrow and it will be our first time hanging out after talking for like a month. i don't think i have ever met anyone with such similar taste in music as me. so that fact and her being really good looking is starting to make me nervous. i feel like if i mess this one up it's going to make me lose alot of sleep. i need some advice on this one to help me out.


----------



## BucketheadRules

ftr said:


> taking a girl to a show tomorrow and it will be our first time hanging out after talking for like a month. i don't think i have ever met anyone with such similar taste in music as me. so that fact and her being really good looking is starting to make me nervous. i feel like if i mess this one up it's going to make me lose alot of sleep. i need some advice on this one to help me out.



Relax, be funny, easy company and if it feels right, don't be afraid to put your arm round her or kiss her or something.


----------



## ftr

BucketheadRules said:


> Relax, be funny, easy company and if it feels right, don't be afraid to put your arm round her or kiss her or something.



so yeah, ive found out she is gay. it said that on her profile but i had trouble believing it for some reason, don't know if shes bi though. i'm actually not too bummed out because this girl is really cool. i never thought i would see the day when i would meet someone who likes some of the stuff she likes.


----------



## BucketheadRules

ftr said:


> so yeah, ive found out she is gay. it said that on her profile but i had trouble believing it for some reason, don't know if shes bi though. i'm actually not too bummed out because this girl is really cool. i never thought i would see the day where i would see the day i would meet someone who likes some of the stuff she likes.



Aw that's a shame dude, but hey - being friends is cool too. Plenty more fish in the sea etc etc...

I say that... wish I could take my own advice


----------



## Gravy Train

Met a girl this past weekend and she seems really sweet and cool! Taking it slow and seeing where it goes. It's been 8 months since I've really talked to anyone (in this way) so it's exciting!


----------



## BlackMastodon

ftr said:


> so yeah, ive found out she is gay. it said that on her profile but i had trouble believing it for some reason, don't know if shes bi though. i'm actually not too bummed out because this girl is really cool. i never thought i would see the day when i would meet someone who likes some of the stuff she likes.


At least you get a friend out of it. Lady wingmen (wingwomen?) are awesome, too, so that's a plus.


----------



## Alberto7

Goddamnit. I hate to be a downer after reading so many more-or-less encouraging comments on her, but it's venting time for me. 

My old roommate (the girl I am desperately trying to forget) sent me a message (bunch of emoticons only) on Skype, after I'd told her not to talk to me. I got upset and told her I still don't wanna talk to her.

She claims not to know how they got sent... at 4:30am, when she's been known to hit me up because she's in a dark mental space and needs someone. Those kinds of emoticons have always been her way of approaching me when she needs company. I've never seen her awake at that time just for fun. Goes to bed pretty early, and only stays up if something's bothering her and she can't sleep. I find the whole thing pretty suspicious, but it may just be me overthinking, so I'm not paying much attention to that side of things.

I just told her it was fine, and to check her computer for malware, or to simply be more careful, because it got me very upset, and not to contact me unless it was an absolute emergency.

Regardless of the reason why that may have happened, it's not normal how upset such a meaningless message is making me feel. Just emoticons, that's it (and then her subsequent, overly apologetic messages after I called her out on it). Seeing her name pop up brought back a lot of latent rage I've kept stored, and now I'm trying to tone it back down again. I'm talking a full blown anxiety attack full of jitters.

It's mainly upsetting because it reminds me of how much I am not over her, despite how much I may claim that I am, and how much I may be moving on with my life in other aspects. I'm doing fine other wise, but she still bothers me when I remember her (which is often). The last week or two I've noticed that there are quite a lot of little, trivial things that I still associate with her, and seeing those things takes me back to a place I don't want to be in, and I get upset at the fact that I can't just erase her... thing is, I understand exactly why she was/is so toxic to me, but I don't know how to disassociate her from my psyche.

/venting

Also, social media sucks. Too much power over my emotional state, and make me read between the lines until I go nuts. Considering getting rid of it. 

/shortrant


----------



## Gravy Train

Alberto7 said:


> Goddamnit. I hate to be a downer after reading so many more-or-less encouraging comments on her, but it's venting time for me.
> 
> My old roommate (the girl I am desperately trying to forget) sent me a message (bunch of emoticons only) on Skype, after I'd told her not to talk to me. I got upset and told her I still don't wanna talk to her.
> 
> She claims not to know how they got sent... at 4:30am, when she's been known to hit me up because she's in a dark mental space and needs someone. Those kinds of emoticons have always been her way of approaching me when she needs company. I've never seen her awake at that time just for fun. Goes to bed pretty early, and only stays up if something's bothering her and she can't sleep. I find the whole thing pretty suspicious, but it may just be me overthinking, so I'm not paying much attention to that side of things.
> 
> I just told her it was fine, and to check her computer for malware, or to simply be more careful, because it got me very upset, and not to contact me unless it was an absolute emergency.
> 
> Regardless of the reason why that may have happened, it's not normal how upset such a meaningless message is making me feel. Just emoticons, that's it (and then her subsequent, overly apologetic messages after I called her out on it). Seeing her name pop up brought back a lot of latent rage I've kept stored, and now I'm trying to tone it back down again. I'm talking a full blown anxiety attack full of jitters.
> 
> It's mainly upsetting because it reminds me of how much I am not over her, despite how much I may claim that I am, and how much I may be moving on with my life in other aspects. I'm doing fine other wise, but she still bothers me when I remember her (which is often). The last week or two I've noticed that there are quite a lot of little, trivial things that I still associate with her, and seeing those things takes me back to a place I don't want to be in, and I get upset at the fact that I can't just erase her... thing is, I understand exactly why she was/is so toxic to me, but I don't know how to disassociate her from my psyche.
> 
> /venting
> 
> Also, social media sucks. Too much power over my emotional state, and make me read between the lines until I go nuts. Considering getting rid of it.
> 
> /shortrant



Sorry to hear about that bro. One piece of advice I can give is getting rid of social media. It really helps clear your mind and keep away from wondering what the other person is doing and then having the urge to view their profile and/or comments. I hope you feel better dude


----------



## Konfyouzd

Yea... Social media seems to cause just as many problems as it solves... Just unfollow her or something. No need to get rid of it altogether I don't think but if you're not getting updates from her it might be easier to move on or do whatever it is you do.

At any rate... No need to lose sleep over a relationship that didn't work out. It seems as though some of us are used to it by this point. If you're not learning something from these experiences, that's the REAL problem.


----------



## Alberto7

Yeah, I unfollowed her ages ago (back in February, when .... hit the fan), and I haven't seen any of her profiles in months. However, I didn't block her, so links to her profile with her profile picture still pop up in random places, like when FB asks me to invite people to events, her profile is always the first one to show up. I also didn't block her from Skype, so her "accidental" message got through to me. The only things of hers I don't have anymore are her Snapchat, which I just flat out deleted, and her phone number, which I lost after I lost all my contacts when I changed the OS on my phone.

In short, I don't visit her profile(s) at all, but her .... still randomly pops up in random places.

Otherwise, I 100% agree with you guys.

I'm just thinking I should disable my FB altogether for a while. Gotta sort out how I'll get the news updates I get from there first though.

Then there are all the little gifts that we exchanged during the time we lived together, which I still keep around... I really don't want to get rid of those, because it makes me feel like I'm losing the battle, but I've thought of it.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I've disabled Facebook and popped back up as new people several times now. And the odd part is that most ppl do it to be creepy. I do it so that I can pick and choose who knows who I am. 

And you can weed out any unintentional connections to folks you may wanna avoid.


----------



## tacotiklah

You mean your name really isn't Konfyouzd Interwebz Guy? It's like I never really knew you!


----------



## ftr

so i took her out to that show the other day. knowing that she is gay (or bi?) just kept it cool and didn't try to make any moves on her or anything and just kept it cool. we had a great time, everything went better than expected. she was just as cool and pretty as i thought she would be. she texted saying she had a great night also asked if i wanted to hang out again. i had to take the car to the shop and told her we will hang out when i get it back. she then offered to drive all of the way to me and pick me up. i told her i would hate for her to drive all of the way here and back by herself, she still wanted to. i really want to date this girl but i am trying not to get my hopes up because she is gay, but i don't know how gay.. i really need to figure out how to approach this situation. i will have a extremely cool friend if i keep it cool, but i defenitly want to date her.


----------



## kamello

ftr said:


> so i took her out to that show the other day. knowing that she is gay (or bi?) just kept it cool and didn't try to make any moves on her or anything and just kept it cool. we had a great time, everything went better than expected. she was just as cool and pretty as i thought she would be. she texted saying she had a great night also asked if i wanted to hang out again. i had to take the car to the shop and told her we will hang out when i get it back. she then offered to drive all of the way to me and pick me up. i told her i would hate for her to drive all of the way here and back by herself, she still wanted to. i really want to date this girl but i am trying not to get my hopes up because she is gay, but i don't know how gay.. i really need to figure out how to approach this situation. i will have a extremely cool friend if i keep it cool, but i defenitly want to date her.



easy; make sh_i_t clear from the start man!


----------



## tacotiklah

ftr said:


> so i took her out to that show the other day. knowing that she is gay (or bi?) just kept it cool and didn't try to make any moves on her or anything and just kept it cool. we had a great time, everything went better than expected. she was just as cool and pretty as i thought she would be. she texted saying she had a great night also asked if i wanted to hang out again. i had to take the car to the shop and told her we will hang out when i get it back. she then offered to drive all of the way to me and pick me up. i told her i would hate for her to drive all of the way here and back by herself, she still wanted to. i really want to date this girl but i am trying not to get my hopes up because she is gay, but i don't know how gay.. i really need to figure out how to approach this situation. i will have a extremely cool friend if i keep it cool, but i defenitly want to date her.



If she's truly gay, then you got not a hope in a the world dude. But if she's bi, then you might still have a shot. In this case, you gotta be upfront about your intentions, lest you set yourself up for some heartbreak. It could end up being a "Chasing Amy" kind of thing, but you have to speak your mind if you plan to get anywhere with her.

Worst case scenario:
She's completely gay and not into you. In which case you make an awesome friend to hang out with. I have a few lesbian friends (and I just happen to be in a lesbian relationship at the moment), and they are some pretty cool people to hang out with. The way I see this, you win either way.


----------



## Alberto7

tacotiklah said:


> If she's truly gay, then you got not a hope in a the world dude. But if she's bi, then you might still have a shot. In this case, you gotta be upfront about your intentions, lest you set yourself up for some heartbreak. It could end up being a "Chasing Amy" kind of thing, but you have to speak your mind if you plan to get anywhere with her.



Sound advice... -.-'


----------



## ftr

tacotiklah said:


> If she's truly gay, then you got not a hope in a the world dude. But if she's bi, then you might still have a shot. In this case, you gotta be upfront about your intentions, lest you set yourself up for some heartbreak. It could end up being a "Chasing Amy" kind of thing, but you have to speak your mind if you plan to get anywhere with her.
> 
> Worst case scenario:
> She's completely gay and not into you. In which case you make an awesome friend to hang out with. I have a few lesbian friends (and I just happen to be in a lesbian relationship at the moment), and they are some pretty cool people to hang out with. The way I see this, you win either way.




we are probably going to be hanging out again very soon. i am trying to think of the best way to ask or show her i want to date her without really messing things up.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

ftr said:


> we are probably going to be hanging out again very soon. i am trying to think of the best way to ask or show her i want to date her without really messing things up.



If the vibe is "right" then proposing a formal dating arrangement should be easy... plenty of openings and opportunities will present themselves. It should feel effortless without much anxiety. 

If the vibe isn't right then asking her out will probably feel unnatural or awkward... without any true indicators that asking her out will go well. In that scenario I would refrain from proposing any intimate or exclusive arrangements.


----------



## Konfyouzd

If she wants to date you, letting her know you wanna date her w/o messing up is pretty easy to do. If she doesn't want to date you I'm sure she'll let you know that in one way or another as well. If disclosing the way you feel to her makes her no longer want to even be friends with you, chances are the friendship wasn't that strong to begin with unless the not wanting to be around you is brought on by you being an awkward #&^@...


----------



## tacotiklah

Konfyouzd said:


> If she wants to date you, letting her know you wanna date her w/o messing up is pretty easy to do. If she doesn't want to date you I'm sure she'll let you know that in one way or another as well. If disclosing the way you feel to her makes her no longer want to even be friends with you, chances are the friendship wasn't that strong to begin with unless the not wanting to be around you is brought on by you being an awkward #&^@...



This right here.


----------



## ftr

so i was talking to her earlier and she mentioned past ex boyfriends. so now i know shes bi and i actually have a chance.


----------



## Alberto7

^ Speaking from painful experience here: unless she tells you outright that she is bisexual, do not jump to that conclusion on your own; you could end up very disappointed. Past boyfriends do not mean that she isn't gay; maybe she was just experimenting.


----------



## ASoC

So after months of being miserable and missing my ex, who I loved deeply, I've somehow stumbled into a relationship that's pretty much entirely sexual.  

We do talk a lot, and she's pretty cool, but I don't think it's going anywhere serious. We don't really have much in common and I don't feel like she challenges me intellectually, which is important to me, so I'm not even considering committing to her. I'm not really sure what she wants out of this, but she seems content to just bone as much as possible. So I'm just going to enjoy the fun times while I keep looking for something a bit more permanent


----------



## Konfyouzd

You bout to catch feelings...  

One of you is anyway... I was in a relationship that was purely sexual not long ago. They NEVER stay this way. One person always ends up liking the other. In fact, I've had plenty other relationships like that in the past and no matter how cool both sides seem with just getting their rocks off--because let's face it, it's fun--one side always ends up liking the other a little more whether they outright say it or not. 

You can tell when it starts to happen. And it happens EVERY time.

Your brain and your hormones are in constant conflict.


----------



## tacotiklah

So my girl hits me up today and informs me that she's been doing some soul searching and believes she may be bi-gender. I get a girlfriend and a boyfriend in the same awesome person. F*^K yeah!


----------



## Chokey Chicken

ftr said:


> so i was talking to her earlier and she mentioned past ex boyfriends. so now i know shes bi and i actually have a chance.



For what it's worth, my wife who is an outright lesbian has had boyfriends in the past. Part of exploring your sexuality is trying things out. If she says she's gay, then it's safe to assume she's gay. You can outright ask actually, and rid your world of the mystery though.

I know if someone was interested in me and asked which way I swung, I wouldn't get offended. (Use better wording than that, obviously.) Better than having them assume things and try picking me up when I have zero interest.

edit: 

As an example, and a relatively good way of bringing it up is to mention how she had boyfriends. Say you thought she was gay, and she'll likely explain a bit more in depth what's up.


----------



## ASoC

Konfyouzd said:


> You bout to catch feelings...
> 
> One of you is anyway... I was in a relationship that was purely sexual not long ago. They NEVER stay this way. One person always ends up liking the other. In fact, I've had plenty other relationships like that in the past and no matter how cool both sides seem with just getting their rocks off--because let's face it, it's fun--one side always ends up liking the other a little more whether they outright say it or not.
> 
> You can tell when it starts to happen. And it happens EVERY time.
> 
> Your brain and your hormones are in constant conflict.



I already know its going to be her  

I'm an all or nothing type of guy when it comes to that sort of thing. Either you're perfect for me and I fall hard and fast or you're not who I'm looking for and I'll never be emotionally invested in you.

My mother frequently tells me that I should be a doctor because I'm so cold that I'd have no problem telling people they're dying


----------



## Konfyouzd

Yea my mom says I should be "nicer to women" but I don't really see why I should be nicer to anyone based on gender alone. If I don't like you, I don't like you... Your sex organs are of no consequence.


----------



## ASoC

I actually am much nicer to my female friends than my male friends, because the nature of male friendship is different  

In general though, I'm nice to everyone until they give me a reason not to be


----------



## Konfyouzd

ASoC said:


> In general though, I'm nice to everyone until they give me a reason not to be



This is more or less what I was getting at. 

But no one gets special treatment... I'm just not capable of that. Or maybe I am and I just refuse to allow it.


----------



## ftr

i am going to be hanging out with her again tomorrow. she asked me what i wanted to do, i am not sure yet. but after talking some more since last time we were together i think i can safely assume she likes guys and is interested in me. i am not sure what i am going to try to do to advance our relationship, i am not into straight up asking if you want to date, even though i have done that before and it worked. i think instead i am just going to show her i want to date her. i am just going to try to hold her and kiss her at some point and see what happens. good idea?


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Konfyouzd said:


> You bout to catch feelings...
> 
> One of you is anyway... I was in a relationship that was purely sexual not long ago. They NEVER stay this way. One person always ends up liking the other. In fact, I've had plenty other relationships like that in the past and no matter how cool both sides seem with just getting their rocks off--because let's face it, it's fun--one side always ends up liking the other a little more whether they outright say it or not.
> 
> You can tell when it starts to happen. And it happens EVERY time.
> 
> Your brain and your hormones are in constant conflict.



That happened to me back at the beginning of the year, with an ex. We started to hang out and play with each others junk it was awesome then I slammed down my feelings on her and it was not mutual, we hung out two times after that and now I try to avoid her, which can be hard because she works by my favorite music store in town... I'm a little softer then I thought.


----------



## flint757

ftr said:


> i am going to be hanging out with her again tomorrow. she asked me what i wanted to do, i am not sure yet. but after talking some more since last time we were together i think i can safely assume she likes guys and is interested in me. i am not sure what i am going to try to do to advance our relationship, i am not into straight up asking if you want to date, even though i have done that before and it worked. i think instead i am just going to show her i want to date her. i am just going to try to hold her and kiss her at some point and see what happens. good idea?



You could be safer assuming if you just asked. Any particular reason why you're deliberately avoiding the conversation?


----------



## Konfyouzd

I've decided relationships w me are pointless and it's of no one else's fault but my own. Moving forward...


----------



## Konfyouzd

flint757 said:


> You could be safer assuming if you just asked. Any particular reason why you're deliberately avoiding the conversation?



Fear


----------



## flint757

Whether you wait or not is more of a matter of how much value you put on your sex life. As for lack of experience, avoiding sex isn't going to help with that. 

If you like her, enjoy her company, and don't have some moral significance for saving yourself I don't see why you should avoid getting your freak on. 

There's no reason to feel guilty about being part of a one night stand or casual sex if neither of you are trying to start a committed relationship.

[EDIT]

Think about it this way; you claim she seems experienced, but she's also on a dating website explicitly, or implicitly, asking for sex. I think it is safe to assume her past flings didn't end in committed relationships since she's talking to you. This means she's already been down that road before so there's really no reason for you to shield her from her own choices.


----------



## asher

I think you should go for it, but be upfront - both about expectations (we're boning, I'm not looking for more) and in some way experience or anxiety.


----------



## asher

flint757 said:


> Whether you wait or not is more of a matter of how much value you put on your sex life. As for lack of experience, avoiding sex isn't going to help with that.
> 
> If you like her, enjoy her company, and don't have some moral significance for saving yourself I don't see why you should avoid getting your freak on.
> 
> There's no reason to feel guilty about being part of a one night stand or casual sex if neither of you are trying to start a committed relationship.



This.

"Hey, I think you're hot and want to do you, you think I'm hot and want to do me, let's do it" is totally okay.


----------



## MetalheadMC

Konfyouzd said:


> I've decided relationships w me are pointless and it's of no one else's fault but my own. Moving forward...



Right there with you. I don't need anyone else to make me happy but me


----------



## Alberto7

I have a question for those of you in the middle of the process of getting over somebody, or those who have been there.

After a long period of not seeing and/or speaking to that person (say, a month), in an effort to forget them, do you ever just want to contact them to say the things you withheld during the time that you did speak to them? If so, is it a healthy thing to carry it out? (For the person doing the venting, that is.)

I really want to call/text her and tell her all of the things that I've kept bottled up, which, at one point, I decided was best not to tell her in the hopes of not getting an already troubled relationship any more tarnished. In other words, I feel like I never voiced out most of my deepest feelings, concerns, and opinions about whatever happened with us, and I have this incredible itch to tell her about them, even though we haven't spoken in a month and a half. I've been feeling this ridiculous itch for the last 3-or-so weeks, and it is very upsetting. I've been trying my hardest not to pay attention to it by doing all kinds of different things to keep my mind busy, but it's bugging me more and more. I'm not sure I care at all about her reaction to all of it, but it would feel more like a transferal of the burden I carry onto her, since I hate that I am the only one of the two stuck with the situation.

I've had to get over previous crushes and exes in the past, but it's never bothered me this much before.


----------



## MFB

Have you considered writing it all down either hand-written or digitally, and then just trashing it?

That way you technically get it all out there in some way but it doesn't really do any harm


----------



## kamello

@Alberto: I've never had negative feelings towards my crushes/ex'es or whatever, so most of the time, when I kept something to me, they were mostly little doubts I had, or just stuff that I wanted to keep clear before moving on and always did so


If they are mostly negative things because of the outcome of everything, then no; you will regret it in the long (or at least I know I would) if you are having this itch, you should think clearly if you actually just want to _talk_ to her, or want to actually clear everything before moving on, if the second, go on


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Alberto7 said:


> I have a question for those of you in the middle of the process of getting over somebody, or those who have been there.
> 
> After a long period of not seeing and/or speaking to that person (say, a month), in an effort to forget them, do you ever just want to contact them to say the things you withheld during the time that you did speak to them? If so, is it a healthy thing to carry it out? (For the person doing the venting, that is.)
> 
> I really want to call/text her and tell her all of the things that I've kept bottled up, which, at one point, I decided was best not to tell her in the hopes of not getting an already troubled relationship any more tarnished. In other words, I feel like I never voiced out most of my deepest feelings, concerns, and opinions about whatever happened with us, and I have this incredible itch to tell her about them, even though we haven't spoken in a month and a half. I've been feeling this ridiculous itch for the last 3-or-so weeks, and it is very upsetting. I've been trying my hardest not to pay attention to it by doing all kinds of different things to keep my mind busy, but it's bugging me more and more. I'm not sure I care at all about her reaction to all of it, but it would feel more like a transferal of the burden I carry onto her, since I hate that I am the only one of the two stuck with the situation.
> 
> I've had to get over previous crushes and exes in the past, but it's never bothered me this much before.




Absolutely what I've many times wanted to do after a break-up... wanting to get in the last word or share additional thoughts, etc. . But rarely is the "venting" or even the "contacting for closure" a healthy outcome. Sometimes... but usually it just results in more feelings getting stirred up. For anyone that I have really REALLY been in love with or intimately-immersed... it's just taken time to get over. 

The flip-side to this is something that I also understand all too well... which are those few times that I just wouldn't let go until it was all out in the open. Maybe that's not always a bad thing in the grand scheme of things. For instance- if it's so embedded into your heart & mind to the point that you can't stand it, then correspondence might provide you that closure in the form of a reality check... where it goes much worse than you thought it would and you run away like a dog that just got smacked on the nose. Sometimes that's what we need to finally let go. 

At least in my experience however, it has never resulted in getting back together or remaining close. I'm not close to any of my old loves ( including the ones that came back to ME). It has to be mutual and if they're ready to move on then there's nothing you can really do to change their mind... besides maybe manipulation which is obviously just wrong/ bad. 

For me there will always be 4-5 that REALLY took their toll on my heart... as in "eternal feelings"... but I've had no choice but to move forward. Now I'm with a fantastic and beautiful woman who desperately wants to be my wife. And I love her dearly... but... 

anyway.


----------



## kamello

So, last few months have been fun, but the last weeks just became a tad too intense.

I've met a pretty nice girl (lets call her ''Annie'') thanks to a mutual friend but through the web, so our first interactions were all through text and the odd skype call. She wants to study law (what Im currently studying) is cute, nerdy, and excellent at everything she does (piano, artistic roller skating, studies, languajes, etc. etc.) so of course we clicked pretty fast, problem was that we live around 3 hours apart, and we aren't exactly people with too much free time in our hands...

so, a few weeks later, I travelled to visit my family, and of course to finally meet this girl IRL. We just reunited in a park and talked for a few hours, everything felt pretty natural, but I didn't felt her as flirty as she was through text, so I just thought that after that, I wasn't going anywhere with her.
Later, I arrived home, and found that she messaged my saying how great it was to finally meet me, that she had an awesome time and that she loved how confident she felt me compared to most guys she know. The next day, during noon she called me saying that she was near the place where I was staying, so we reunited again (nothing too remarkable happened here though) the next day I had to return to my city, and she messaged me again in the morning asking if we could met before I left (which was impossible for me) but I promised that I'll come back as soon as I finished with my exams, still though, her _extreme_ interest in me felt a bit odd. 

We kept talking through text almost everyday, she had some weird and fast changes in humor though, and sometimes forgot about pretty simple stuff, like what I studied (which was the reason we started to talk in the first place  ) and after a while she started to insinuate a bit more, and I half jokingly said that I didn't knew if I actually had to take her _insinuations_ seriously, to which she just responded that I'll had to know when to trust. That was the first alert for me and I said that in a normal relationship with anybody; be it friend, partner, or SO, I shouldn't need to take bets regarding when I should trust someone, and that I hoped to trust her and vice-versa. After a few minutes she just said that she would stop, and wouldn't bother me anymore, I said that she being flirty didn't bother me at all, but her comment about how I should need to know when to trust her ofc made me feel uncomfortable, and that shouldn't happen when we cared about each other, that trust was a minimum that we could ask for.

Then I sent her a little wall of text regarding this and became a bit more inquisitive. Then she broke, I received a message refering to herself in 3rd person and it sent a shiver down my back. At first I thought that her sister took her phone (maybe she was crying IRL or something) but it was herself. She then just said ''goodbye'', I just asked why, and here .... started to become weird. 

Still speaking about herself in 3rd person, she told me that ''Annie'' suffers from ''Dissociative identity disorder'', I made a quick search, and found that basically, it is ''Multiple Personality Disorder'', she explained the illness to me and the different personalities that she has, 8 currently, EIGHT FFS, how she was raped numerous times, beaten by her mother since she can remember, and how her father started to ignore all her issues around when she was 13 years old. Never (until a few months later) I felt so scared/sad/uncertain/etc. 
Supposedly, I was speaking with one of her personalities at that time, but during all the time I've knew her I had spoken a bit with everyone of them, then she told me that if I wanted I could just stop talking to her. I thought for a few minutes what I should do, if I continue to talk to her, things wouldn't work normally, but could I just dismiss someone because of problems that weren't her fault at all? So, I just answered to this ''personality'' of her in the most _casual_ of the ways, told her how sad her situation left me, but I couldn't look someone different because of her issues, and would never hurt her. Then, speaking in 1st person again, she told me that that was the reason that I couldn't openly trust her.

So, days passed by and she became a bit more open regarding herself. Few things happenned in between but the only thing that I could highlight was that she openly said that she had feelings for me, but the distance scared her, and that she knew that she would need someone to be very present in her life, we met IRL again, and I tried to make a move but she just didn't followed, that ofc made me feel pretty confused. I came back to my home, and again through text things became a bit different. She started to be way, way, way waaaaay too sexual. We had an awesome time fantasizing about everything that we would make if we could be together for a few nights, but during this period she had her most extreme changes in personality (joyfull, suicidal, sexual, indifferent, affectionate, etc.) we reunited again 

(here I quote myself  )



kamello said:


> Good news: Cute girl is asking for ''Chill n' netflix (and icecream  )'' at my place
> 
> The bad news: I actually don't have ''_a place_'' in the city where Im going, aside from my dad's home, which can vary from being crowded as fvck with his friends and visits, to me, alone, for days



that finally happened last week, we met again, saw a movie and started to make out, but she felt a bit serious overall so it made me kinda nervous, still, being horny as fvck at the moment, I started to put my hands under her dress and told her if she wanted to perform a few of the things that we talked about nights before, to which she responded me that that was one of her personalities fantasies, not hers, *chills down my spine again* and she was sorry because for not being able to fullfill what I expected. OFC I wanted to  right there, she told me that she hated it, but similar things already happened to her, that sometimes someone falls for one of her personalities but the others reject it, but I was the first one to come so far (red flag for me) we just kept hugged for like half an hour

I left her in the metro station, and then decided to actually read everything about her illness, how it was similar to Post-Traumatic stress dissorder but only originated in childs as a way to cope with physical and sexual abuse, how every personality acts as a different entity and not as just pieces of the same person (something that I knew but just couldn't accept) Finally, I started to actually take the weight of the matter, finally spoke about this with my best friend (she knew about the girl but not about the problems) 

Few days passed by, she spoke to me in a casual way and I just answered. Thoughtlessly I started to act flirty after a few hours and then she became very aggressive, asking me how could I be so stupid to actually continue with that after everything that happened, why I didn't acted angry at all. I told her that I already said to her that I could never be angry towards her, and that I _love_ her (not in a romantic way, gosh, why english is SO limited regarding this subjects hahaha) and I just left the matter there.

A few more days passed by and then she spoke to me like nothing ever happened, even asked if we could play some online sh1t or something, the day after that she broke again, said how sorry she was about everything, sent nudes almost as a way to show how she was ''serious'' about everything she said in the past and how she loves me, and this cycle (although with a lesser intensity) has been going on for the last few days.
OFC I know that I just can't, nor I don't want to have a relationship with this girl. But it just feels wrong, having to reject someone for whom I care very deeply, because of her problems and broken mind, even though nothing here is actually her fault, on the other side there is nothing, NOTHING that I could actually do to fix her without sinking myself, and I feel a bit atached, thankfully not in a romantic way. I feel that I've actually coped really well with this from a personal standpoint (as in my relationship with her just being impossible) but I feel terrified at times at her situation, being a law's student, and one who wants to dedicate to criminal law, I know that I will have to see things way, way tougher than this, and this still have me kinda shocked


anyways, just wanted to vent a little, no one apart from the friend I mentioned above knows about this, so it has been a bit tough to keep everything inside for so long, and now I just don't know what to actually do


TL;DR: met an awesome girl, turned out to have mental issues.
This is the kind of sh1t that you regret posting the next day, sorri foh tedibly inglish


----------



## UnderTheSign

BucketheadRules said:


> This is the route I went recently and it didn't necessarily show her I wanted that. I went and asked a couple of days later... and she didn't want to  We still hang out a fair bit though, and she does still seem to like getting cosy with me when we've had a bit to drink... who knows where it'll go. I'm taking it as it comes really.
> 
> In other news... the girl I mentioned a month or so ago, from Tinder... the one who's kinda hot but also kinda damaged goods and kinda sorta heavily into her recreational drug use... we hadn't been talking so much but then we did chat a little more last night, and it's pretty much confirmed that she wants the D... I just don't know whether or not to give it to her  The issues:
> 
> 1) I definitely would, but there's no chance I'd want to take things any further with her. It's probably safe to assume she isn't thinking about this as a relationship either but I still don't know if I'd feel right even boning her once if I knew from the outset that I wasn't going to be sticking around.
> 
> 2) I'm... how shall I say it... not very experienced in these matters, and I believe she is despite being a few years younger than me. That makes me a little nervous. As well as the fact that... well, this would be my first time, should I wait for someone I care more about, or should I just do it, get it out of the way and have slightly more of an idea what to do when I'm with someone I do want to stick around? And if so, should I tell her or just power through and see how it goes?


If she's up for just casual stuff and you dig it, go for it man. If she's more experienced, all the better. Experience is good and maybe she can show you some tricks!

Kamello: man, I wouldn't know what to do in a situation like that. I'd want to gtfo to prevent anyone from getting hurt and doing stupid things (like sending those nudes which I'm guessing she might regret later on) but at the same time, I'm the kinda guy that would stick around to try and help her out. Real tricky situation there, hope you find a way to deal with it.


----------



## flint757

kamello said:


> A few other days pass by and then she spoke to me like nothing ever happened, even asked if we could play some online sh1t or something, the day after that she broke again, said how sorry she was about everything, sent nudes almost as a way to show how she was ''serious'' about everything she said in the past and how she loves me, and this cycle (although with a lesser intensity) has been going on for the last few days.
> OFC I know that I just can't, nor I don't want to have a relationship with this girl. But it just feels wrong, having to reject someone for whom I care very deeply, because of her problems and broken mind, even though nothing here is actually her fault, on the other side there is nothing, NOTHING that I could actually do to fix her without sinking myself, and I feel a bit atached, thankfully not in a romantic way. I feel that I've actually coped really well with this from a personal standpoint (as in my relationship with her just being impossible) but I feel terrified at times at her situation, being a law's student, and one who wants to dedicate to criminal law, I know that I will have to see things way, way tougher than this, and this still have me kinda shocked



I think you've stated the situation quite well right here actually. It's in your best interest to not be romantically involved with her IMO. If her health issues are legit, and not just bizarre excuses for erratic behavior, they are beyond what anyone would expect someone else to deal with at the onset of a relationship. It's not her fault, but it isn't yours either and she needs serious medical attention to get herself more on the level. You shouldn't stay in a relationship where you have to potentially fear for your own well being. It's one thing if you're with someone for a long time and issues arise, but it's usually best to avoid that kind of headache if you see it coming before things go down that road. 

I don't honestly think everything she told you is related to DID though, based on the inconsistency of memory lapses. That's not to say that isn't the case (I wouldn't know), but more that if she is aware of her disorder maybe she uses it occasionally as an excuse for doing things she normally wouldn't say/do (my very uneducated opinion on the matter). That, at the very least, would be a thought that crosses my mind all the time. I know a lot of unhinged individuals and most of them were guilty of using their disorder as an excuse for a deliberate choice they made one time or another.

IMHO getting romantically involved with her is a horrible idea. If you want to be friends I'm sure that'd work out alright, but don't put yourself in a rut over it either. It doesn't seem like you know each other that well nor have you spent a great deal of time together so writing it off all together would likely be what I'd do in your shoes...

[EDIT]

Do you know if she's seeking medical attention over this?


----------



## AliceLG

Alberto7 said:


> I have a question for those of you in the middle of the process of getting over somebody, or those who have been there.
> 
> After a long period of not seeing and/or speaking to that person (say, a month), in an effort to forget them, do you ever just want to contact them to say the things you withheld during the time that you did speak to them? If so, is it a healthy thing to carry it out? (For the person doing the venting, that is.)
> 
> I really want to call/text her and tell her all of the things that I've kept bottled up, which, at one point, I decided was best not to tell her in the hopes of not getting an already troubled relationship any more tarnished. In other words, I feel like I never voiced out most of my deepest feelings, concerns, and opinions about whatever happened with us, and I have this incredible itch to tell her about them, even though we haven't spoken in a month and a half. I've been feeling this ridiculous itch for the last 3-or-so weeks, and it is very upsetting. I've been trying my hardest not to pay attention to it by doing all kinds of different things to keep my mind busy, but it's bugging me more and more. I'm not sure I care at all about her reaction to all of it, but it would feel more like a transferal of the burden I carry onto her, since I hate that I am the only one of the two stuck with the situation.
> 
> I've had to get over previous crushes and exes in the past, but it's never bothered me this much before.



Dude, don't. Rarely anything good comes out of this. What do you actually expect to get out of it?

Just because something needs to be said, it doesn't mean it needs to be heard


----------



## ASoC

@Alberto

About a year ago the love of my life (so far) broke my heart and gave me a reason that just didn't make sense to me. I let it torment me for 6 months, telling myself that it was a bad idea to call her or reach out in any way. After 6 months or soul crushing depression and many sleepless nights, I asked her if we could talk and she obliged me. We talked for a good 2 hours about a lot of stuff. Things we wished we would have said when we were still together, why we broke up (I still think this one is bs, but I've been on my own so long that I don't really care anymore) etc. I definitely got some closure out of it, but at the same time it stirred up a lot of feelings I had mostly buried for 6 months. I think it was worth it for me, but Kelly was a very different kind of woman from most that I've met. Probably one of the most intelligent people I've ever met. She's the only girl I've ever been with that I felt challenged me intellectually. And with that came a lot of compassion and understanding, so we were always able to talk through things. Including, her own issues (sure there were a lot, but who isn't damaged these days?) my issues, our fears, hopes, dreams, anything really. She is the Daisy to my Gatsby, I will always love her and there will always be a part of me that hopes she comes back to me, but I know that's very unlikely and I'm ok with that. 

I think you should consider the kind of relationship you had, if it was one with strong communication and you aren't just trying to vent all the frustrations you had bottled up, then maybe talking to your ex isn't the worst idea. Just don't go into it with any expectations and make sure to be civil.


----------



## Alberto7

MFB said:


> Have you considered writing it all down either hand-written or digitally, and then just trashing it?
> 
> That way you technically get it all out there in some way but it doesn't really do any harm



That I do. The reason I asked at all was precisely because I'd already decided to tell her, and, as usual, I started writing my message in a Word document. Before I knew it, I was shaking with anxiety, 3 hours had passed, and I had written well over 6 pages of condensed text... I'm still sane enough to realize that sending all of those pent-up feelings in one single package was just stupid. 

Honestly, your responses have made me feel slightly better; more so than whatever I wrote.



AliceLG said:


> Dude, don't. Rarely anything good comes out of this. What do you actually expect to get out of it?
> 
> Just because something needs to be said, it doesn't mean it needs to be heard



Like I said, I just wanted to try out and see if I'd get some internal relief by unloading some things on her. I agree with you that some things don't need to be heard, but it's hard to gauge which things those are.

Re-reading the aforementioned message that I scrapped (still have it, but I won't even consider sending it ever), most of it is just me getting stupidly emotional over things that are already pretty much settled, and it's obvious to anybody with a sane mind that she doesn't need to hear 90% of the crap that I wrote. However, there are just a couple of things that I would like to clarify to her, because I still think I was treated unfairly.

Example. Long story short, back in February, she very badly hurt three people with something she did, including me. She feels really bad about it, but, last time I saw her, she dared claim that my suffering wasn't on the same level as the other people she hurt. I stupidly nodded when she said that, instead of speaking my mind. Every time I think about it, it really bothers me that I didn't stand up for myself in front of her and called her out on her bull..... Who does she think she is to make such claims? How dare she undermine my misery in such a rudimentary way? Basically, it makes me feel like she never took my situation seriously, and it hurts my ego in a very primal way. With that said, however, I am still unsure as to whether or not it is rational for me to feel like I have to tell her, and am feeling pretty insecure about it.

That, and I guess tell her, in the politest way I can, how I've been feeling as of late, and how I think it may impact our current status. In other words, make it clear that I am not idealizing or trying too hard to save our friendship anymore, having realized that dealing with my own issues will be a long term process and will perhaps require her not being around. I want her to know that that's a real prospect, since she said she'd "wait" for me to get over her so that we could keep seeing each other as if nothing had happened.


----------



## flint757

Don't let your pride beat you man. That's largely what's happening here. If you're cool with not talking to her anymore then that's simply your best course of action honestly. There's no real need for her to know she hurt you or that you're making the hiatus permanent. This is the sort of forgiveness you need to work on. Not letting go or forgetting the way she treated you, but not letting it bother you so much at the core. Giving in to that is unhealthy for yourself honestly. It's also going to be fruitless. I guarantee you it won't make you feel any better. You've been struggling with it as is for quite some time now. Only time can heal those wounds and the contact/proximity you keep reconnecting are only delaying it further.


----------



## youngthrasher9

Aside from a few good friends and my immediate family, I'm lonely as hell.

I'm also fairly broke, so one might consider the loneliness a financial plus.


I realize how depressing that statement is.


TL;DR: I need a better job. And a girlfriend.


----------



## BucketheadRules

youngthrasher9 said:


> TL;DR: I need a better job. And a girlfriend.



 I know the feel bro.

Don't do what I've been doing for ages and just keep telling yourself "I need a better job, I'll get out of here soon" but not actually do anything about it - get on it! Look around for jobs, you could find something brilliant that'll make you feel better about yourself, in a way having a more rewarding job in your life might help with the loneliness too? And obviously the better you feel about yourself, the more likely it is that a girl will feel good about you too


----------



## High Plains Drifter

BucketheadRules said:


> I know the feel bro.
> 
> Don't do what I've been doing for ages and just keep telling yourself "I need a better job, I'll get out of here soon" but not actually do anything about it - get on it! Look around for jobs, you could find something brilliant that'll make you feel better about yourself, in a way having a more rewarding job in your life might help with the loneliness too? And obviously the better you feel about yourself, the more likely it is that a girl will feel good about you too



So true, man... so true. 

Sometimes I just wanna drive home from work and veer up onto the sidewalk for a little exciting change of pace lol... That ain't good! 

Kidding! But still... never thought I'd be working where I am for 6+ years. I originally intended to be there about a year. Now I feel like I'm gonna die there. Sucks.

Buckethead is SO right.


----------



## BucketheadRules

High Plains Drifter said:


> Buckethead is SO right.



Always, my friend, ALWAYS the case.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Okay... This really amused me. It was extremely immature to troll this girl to the extent that I did today on Facebook but it was fun at first... 

However, I'd love a logical explanation to this.

My sister posts... 

"So frustrated... I swear I'm never getting married."

This is something both she and I frequently say when the dating world gets frustrating. It has nothing to do with a failure to achieve the "goal" of marriage and everything to do with whatever just happened being another supporting reason for not wanting to commit to another human being for any extended period of time.

One of her friends writes... 

"Oh don't worry... <boyfriends name deleted> will come around and pop the question soon enough!"

This bothered me. It sounds desperate. It sounds as though being married is a goal rather than something you decide once you find someone worthy of that level of commitment. So I expressed this in so many words and a sh!t storm ensues.

Why does getting the ring--for some people--matter so much more than all of the other far more important aspects? I really and truly don't understand this mentality.


----------



## asher

I blame Beyonce.


----------



## Konfyouzd

"If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it!" 

And on that note... If legally binding you to me is the only way to get you to stay it seems like it's the least wise thing I could do...


----------



## Alberto7

flint757 said:


> Don't let your pride beat you man. That's largely whats happening here. If you're cool with not talking to her anymore then that's simply your best course of action honestly. There's no real need for her to know she hurt you or that you're making the hiatus permanent. This is the sort of forgiveness you need to work on. Not letting go or forgetting the way she treated you, but not letting it bother you so much at the core. Giving in to that is unhealthy for yourself honestly. It's also going to be fruitless. I guarantee you it won't make you feel any better. You've been struggling with it as is for quite some time now. Only time can heal those wounds and the contact/proximity you keep reconnecting are only delaying it further.



That actually makes sense. I think I read that at the right moment, as right now I feel pretty level-headed.  I hope I can maintain the mind frame hah. Thanks brah.



Konfyouzd said:


> Okay... This really amused me. It was extremely immature to troll this girl to the extent that I did today on Facebook but it was fun at first...
> 
> However, I'd love a logical explanation to this.
> 
> My sister posts...
> 
> "So frustrated... I swear I'm never getting married."
> 
> This is something both she and I frequently say when the dating world gets frustrating. It has nothing to do with a failure to achieve the "goal" of marriage and everything to do with whatever just happened being another supporting reason for not wanting to commit to another human being for any extended period of time.
> 
> One of her friends writes...
> 
> "Oh don't worry... <boyfriends name deleted> will come around and pop the question soon enough!"
> 
> This bothered me. It sounds desperate. It sounds as though being married is a goal rather than something you decide once you find someone worthy of that level of commitment. So I expressed this in so many words and a sh!t storm ensues.
> 
> Why does getting the ring--for some people--matter so much more than all of the other far more important aspects? I really and truly don't understand this mentality.



Now I really feel like I need to read the sh1tstorm. 

But seriously, the more I think about it, the more marriage sounds to me like it's kind of... pointless. On an emotional/personal basis, that is. There may be legal benefits, depending on where you live. I mean, sure, it can be an extremely symbolic thing, and I think it's totally okay, but, like you said, it's not an ends that should be pursued at any cost. It's more a part of the process of a relationship that begins to solidify.

I don't know the veracity of what I am about to say, since I've never bothered to research it, but someone told me that Quebec has one of the largest percentages of common-law partners and unmarried spouses... and it totally makes sense to me.

EDIT: actually, I just found this: http://www12.statcan.ca/census-recensement/2011/as-sa/98-312-x/98-312-x2011001-eng.cfm.

_"...In Quebec, 31.5% of census families were common-law couples, higher than the average of the other provinces (12.1%).

Compared to several countries where common-law couples comprise a large share of all couples, such as Sweden (29.0% in 2010),Footnote 3 Finland (24.7% in 2010)Footnote 4 and Norway (23.9% in 2011),Footnote 5 the proportion of all couples that were common-law in Quebec in 2011 was higher (37.8%)."_


----------



## kamello

UnderTheSign said:


> If she's up for just casual stuff and you dig it, go for it man. If she's more experienced, all the better. Experience is good and maybe she can show you some tricks!
> 
> Kamello: man, I wouldn't know what to do in a situation like that. I'd want to gtfo to prevent anyone from getting hurt and doing stupid things (like sending those nudes which I'm guessing she might regret later on) but at the same time, I'm the kinda guy that would stick around to try and help her out. Real tricky situation there, hope you find a way to deal with it.




regarding Buckethead situation; +1 go, have fun and take care man! 

regarding mine, I know man  it's tricky, it's hard, and whatever we do it's going to be tough. Regarding the nudes particulary; she doesn't regret it (when I said that she became a lot more sexual regarding her attitude, was because she was doing similar stuff before) and she just said that she enjoys making me happy that way too. And that leaves me with the problem of just being very sexually atracted to her, which of course impairs my judgement...







flint757 said:


> I think you've stated the situation quite well right here actually. It's in your best interest to not be romantically involved with her IMO. If her health issues are legit, and not just bizarre excuses for erratic behavior, they are beyond what anyone would expect someone else to deal with at the onset of a relationship. It's not her fault, but it isn't yours either and she needs serious medical attention to get herself more on the level. You shouldn't stay in a relationship where you have to potentially fear for your own well being. It's one thing if you're with someone for a long time and issues arise, but it's usually best to avoid that kind of headache if you see it coming before things go down that road.
> 
> I don't honestly think everything she told you is related to DID though, based on the inconsistency of memory lapses. That's not to say that isn't the case (I wouldn't know), but more that if she is aware of her disorder maybe she uses it occasionally as an excuse for doing things she normally wouldn't say/do (my very uneducated opinion on the matter). That, at the very least, would be a thought that crosses my mind all the time. I know a lot of unhinged individuals and most of them were guilty of using their disorder as an excuse for a deliberate choice they made one time or another.
> 
> IMHO getting romantically involved with her is a horrible idea. If you want to be friends I'm sure that'd work out alright, but don't put yourself in a rut over it either. It doesn't seem like you know each other that well nor have you spent a great deal of time together so writing it off all together would likely be what I'd do in your shoes...
> 
> [EDIT]
> 
> Do you know if she's seeking medical attention over this?




ok, first of all, thanks a lot for the answer, it definitely gives a new insight. Now, going point for point;


The memory lapses inconsistencies are in fact one of the effects of DID, so there is nothing weird in that, not every personality remember the same things, which of course, only causes more problems to me. Still though, I didn't thought about what you said about using her illness as an excuse for certain things, which of course may be the case sometimes for certain attitudes once you become so used to stuff like that. 

regarding the medical help; yes, she already has worked with psychiatrists and psychologists, and takes a few pills, but currently I don't know how she (or her family) is dealing with this stuff. Once I asked her about it and told me that she would tell me IRL, but I just didn't felt comfortable taking the conversation there the last few times we saw each other


regarding being romanticaly involved; I'll have to be more precise. In my post I said that I didn't want a romantic relationship or anything similar with her; the thing is, that I actually would love to, to just make all this shit disappear and be happy with this cool girl I've met initially, but thinking rationally I just know that it's insane to do that (and don't worry, I won't do it) also there is the problem I mentioned above of being sexually atracted. She has similar thoughts regarding this though (she is not _chasing_ me, at least not consciously, I thought it could be interpreted that way from my last post)


and; regarding myself, Im just exhausted. Never in my life I've been able to have a normal, happy, or steady relationship, with stuff ranging from the simplicity of a girl just not being interested in me, to being cheated, to more delicate stuff like this.


----------



## ASoC

Konfyouzd said:


> Okay... This really amused me. It was extremely immature to troll this girl to the extent that I did today on Facebook but it was fun at first...
> 
> However, I'd love a logical explanation to this.
> 
> My sister posts...
> 
> "So frustrated... I swear I'm never getting married."
> 
> This is something both she and I frequently say when the dating world gets frustrating. It has nothing to do with a failure to achieve the "goal" of marriage and everything to do with whatever just happened being another supporting reason for not wanting to commit to another human being for any extended period of time.
> 
> One of her friends writes...
> 
> "Oh don't worry... <boyfriends name deleted> will come around and pop the question soon enough!"
> 
> This bothered me. It sounds desperate. It sounds as though being married is a goal rather than something you decide once you find someone worthy of that level of commitment. So I expressed this in so many words and a sh!t storm ensues.
> 
> Why does getting the ring--for some people--matter so much more than all of the other far more important aspects? I really and truly don't understand this mentality.



Dude, I feel the same way. 

I'm not even going to consider marriage unless you prove that you can put up with me. I'm a nice guy, but I'm also highly intelligent and opinionated. That particular combination results in a forceful personality that many people perceive to be mean or intimidating. Just because I have a zero tolerance policy for stupid sh!t doesn't make me an asshole IMO


----------



## Konfyouzd

Well I feel less crazy...


----------



## MFB

Man, parents get confused as fvck when you have a best friend that's a girl and you aren't trying to hook up with her. Like, they'll ask about her and if we've talked that day etc, but I act so non-chalant about it that they keep trying to prod and get 'dirt' that doesn't exist


----------



## ASoC

You can clearly see my personality at work with what is going down with that RG550 fiasco I'm dealing with right now. I offered the seller the choice of 2 different ways to make it right (privately, before making a formal return request through ebay) and as soon as it became apparent that he was going to try to leave me holding the bag I lost all patience for him and he's instantly a total dick.

I give everyone a chance, but I make no special exceptions for anyone and I judge your worth solely based on how you treat me. If you're a dick, I'm a dick. If you're cool, I'm cool.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

MFB said:


> Man, parents get confused as fvck when you have a best friend that's a girl and you aren't trying to hook up with her. Like, they'll ask about her and if we've talked that day etc, but I act so non-chalant about it that they keep trying to prod and get 'dirt' that doesn't exist



Not sure if it's the right word, but it's funny when your parents are oblivious to your shenanigans due to being so heteronormative. Like, having a person of the opposite gender over and they get all squinty and suspicious. Then they don't say anything when your partner is over and you absolutely are doing what they're suspicious of the other person for.

I mean, they know now, but back in junior high/high school I had tons of guy friends that were never allowed to spend the night or be in my room with the door closed with me. If only they knew then what they know now.

Fun times.


----------



## UnattendedGolfcart

One year with my girlfriend last Saturday. Forgot to post about it.

Went to an animal shelter and played with kitties, loudly sang some Bruce Springsteen and Twenty One Pilots in the car together (side note I am SO happy she got me into 21P) and went to a Thai restaurant and saw Pan.

I just love her so much. We haven't had any rough patch yet and I don't really see any on the horizon.


----------



## BucketheadRules

I feel like a dick... I played a gig tonight, and the girl I've been sort-of kind-of seeing/getting off with while drunk was there... and guess what, we were drunk and we kissed. Again 

Where's the problem there, I hear you ask - well, another one of our friends was there, a guy I've known for two years. He has a thing for her... a lot. He's unhealthily into her, which I think is strange considering he's only known her the same length of time I have. She knows it, and I'm certain she doesn't feel the same, having told me only tonight "he's so into me, it kind of scares me"... despite this, he's never really able to have a good time and be fun for her to be around... for reasons I will explain.

Anyway, both of them were really impressed by my gig (she was up dancing at the front of the crowd, he was sitting down looking kind of bummed out but told me he really enjoyed it - I did see a smile creep across his face on some occasions). Anyway, we were hanging out afterwards with another of my mates but a little while later, he disappeared somewhere, I thought he'd just gone without telling us. Anyway, she and I were sitting down watching the next band, getting cosy (arms round each other, holding hands etc etc), then we got up to dance... we looked at each other as if to say "yeah, we both know what's about to happen"... then she said "I know it's going to happen"  

So we kissed, and when we stopped a little while later I jokingly said "This keeps happening you know" (it's the third time this has happened in the last couple of weeks) and she said "I know... I'm not sure if I like it"... I knew what I think she meant (English isn't her first language) but pulled away with a look of mock offence on my face, then she said something like "you know what I mean... I like it, I really like it, but..." and then we got interrupted by this other friend of mine coming over. So we just kept on dancing... anyway, all this time I didn't know where my mate was, but the just-mentioned other friend told me on the train home that he was standing not too far away, so I'm fairly sure he saw us. He eventually caught up with the three of us (my other mate, her and I) as we were walking to the station, and he was super cold with all of us, that's for damn sure. Barely said a word.

I don't regret doing what I did, but I wish he hadn't seen it... 

I dunno... I feel bad for him, because I know exactly the gut-wrenching feeling of witnessing the girl you've fallen for... fall for someone else, but at the same time, it's not as if I'm doing it to spite him. If she wants to kiss me, then that isn't my fault really - I'm not gonna push her away from me, am I? The worst thing is... I don't feel good going into this, but I said I'd explain and it's important information... I'm 80% sure he's currently depressed, or if he isn't then he definitely has a history of it. I really hope he isn't going to do anything... hopefully I don't need to clarify that any further.

Jesus, writing all this out so it's there in front of me makes me feel even worse.

EDIT: I'm sorry if this makes little sense, it's a total stream of consciousness and I'm not entirely sober.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

^^^ Makes sense and I'm not drunk.

Don't feel bad, man. We can't go thru life scared of how our actions are going to effect others... unless we're doing something totally wrong or messed up. And you're not. You're just doing what feels right and so is she... Maybe 'right" isn't the correct word lol. But regardless... Y'all are following your instincts. Where it leads who knows? But you both have made the conscious ( albeit a bit intoxicated lol) decision to enjoy each others company... be it just a fling or more. 

My personal gut tells me that you maybe should talk to your mate about this though. Whether he's depressed or not, you have some feelings that are bothering you and I think that you and he would BOTH feel better if you talked about this. At least you can both get things out in the open... things that may be eating at you. If he's your friend then he deserves that and will appreciate your sincerity. 

I would just be honest. If you and he are true mates than you will both be able to get beyond this. And if he CAN'T or WON'T get over this then that's not your problem. It's also not your responsibility to try and pacify him nor "fix" things. It's up to him to accept it or not. Even though you can sympathize with how he might be feeling, it's no reason to feel bad for having feelings about her and for "going for it". 

Just my .02 centavos. 

Cheers, man.


----------



## asher

All of what HPD said.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Thanks guys, appreciate it... I'll start working out what to say, I think talking to him properly about it might be an idea, rather than just p*ssyfooting around and trying to ignore it... I can see it becoming like an elephant in the room whenever I talk to him otherwise.

Also, what do you make of this bit?



BucketheadRules said:


> Anyway, she and I were sitting down watching the next band, getting cosy (arms round each other, holding hands etc etc), then we got up to dance... we looked at each other as if to say "yeah, we both know what's about to happen"... then she said "I know it's going to happen"
> 
> So we kissed, and when we stopped a little while later I jokingly said "This keeps happening you know" (it's the third time this has happened in the last couple of weeks) and she said "I know... I'm not sure if I like it"... I knew what I think she meant (English isn't her first language) but pulled away with a look of mock offence on my face, then she said something like "you know what I mean... I like it, I really like it, but..." and then we got interrupted by this other friend of mine coming over.



Because I have no idea what's going on, other than that I wish my other mate had given us a couple more minutes


----------



## Konfyouzd

asher said:


> All of what HPD said.



Pretty much.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

BucketheadRules said:


> Thanks guys, appreciate it... I'll start working out what to say, I think talking to him properly about it might be an idea, rather than just p*ssyfooting around and trying to ignore it... I can see it becoming like an elephant in the room whenever I talk to him otherwise.
> 
> Also, what do you make of this bit?
> 
> 
> 
> Because I have no idea what's going on, other than that I wish my other mate had given us a couple more minutes



To hell if I know what it means. If I had to guess, I'd assume it's just drunken fun for her. That's really the only "but" I can think of in that particular train of thought. Sort of why I dislike booze mixed with flirting/romance. It clouds up an already cloudy situation. lol


----------



## flint757

Since the beginning I think she was simply being sincere rather than trying to blow you off. She's cool with fooling around and having fun, but isn't interested in a relationship yet. Simple as that really.


----------



## BucketheadRules

flint757 said:


> Since the beginning I think she was simply being sincere rather than trying to blow you off. She's cool with fooling around and having fun, but isn't interested in a relationship yet. Simple as that really.



So basically I want to keep things going pretty much as they are for as long as possible and make the most of it while it lasts... I wonder if I could sway her eventually. Dunno. I feel like someone's about to tell me I'm playing a dangerous game


----------



## flint757

Who knows. If things keep happening the way they are it's possible she could develop stronger feelings and want a relationship. She also could not. No way to know until something happens.


----------



## BucketheadRules

flint757 said:


> Who knows. If things keep happening the way they are it's possible she could develop stronger feelings and want a relationship.



PLS LORD



Seriously though, this girl's quite a catch, I'm pretty proud of myself for even having got this far


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Its potentially a dangerous game since you've obviously have quite a bit of emotions tied into it. It was mentioned not far back in this thread that no strings attached relationships usually fall apart once somebody developes feelings. Currently that seems to be you. It could still go well, but I think you've got a bit more invested than you try to let on.

Just be aware that anything is possible at this point, and it shouldn't come as a surprise if she has a boyfriend next week or some ..... Enjoy it while you can if you're cool with all possible outcomes. No harm in having fun, provided you're aware of and accepting of the worst possible outcome.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Chokey Chicken said:


> Its potentially a dangerous game since you've obviously have quite a bit of emotions tied into it. It was mentioned not far back in this thread that no strings attached relationships usually fall apart once somebody developes feelings. Currently that seems to be you. It could still go well, but I think you've got a bit more invested than you try to let on.
> 
> Just be aware that anything is possible at this point, and it shouldn't come as a surprise if she has a boyfriend next week or some ..... Enjoy it while you can if you're cool with all possible outcomes. No harm in having fun, provided you're aware of and accepting of the worst possible outcome.



Fair enough, and thanks for giving me a bit of a reality check... I really hope she wouldn't end up with a boyfriend any time soon given what she's told me already though, that would be really sh*tty of her. I'm going to a gig with her this week, it's one of my favourite bands and I'm really looking forward to that, she seems pretty into it as well.


----------



## Konfyouzd

BucketheadRules said:


> I really hope she wouldn't end up with a boyfriend any time soon given what she's told me already though, that would be really sh*tty of her.



Oh it happens... But I'm hoping for the best for ya, buddy. 

Lies like that make people feel better because they don't IMMEDIATELY hurt your feelings. I think they're worse than just being honest, though.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

The problem is that love and romance are (edit: un)predictable. Just because she's really not looking doesn't mean Mr Awesome won't just come out of the woodwork and woo her. 

She's been pretty up front about everything so far. If she up and decides she wants to date some other guy, it doesn't maker her a bad person. You don't just get dibs because you thought she liked you when she outright said she wasn't interested.

It would suck though, and I would be able to see how it would be upsetting. It is proof though that you have way too much invested in her. You might want to take a step back and evaluate what's going on and see if its worth continuing. As always, I wish you the best of course!


----------



## MetalheadMC

BucketheadRules said:


> Thanks guys, appreciate it... I'll start working out what to say, I think talking to him properly about it might be an idea, rather than just p*ssyfooting around and trying to ignore it... I can see it becoming like an elephant in the room whenever I talk to him otherwise.
> 
> Also, what do you make of this bit?
> 
> 
> 
> Because I have no idea what's going on, other than that I wish my other mate had given us a couple more minutes



Agreed with what has been said above. 

Don't invest too much because that will only hurt you in the end more than likely. Next time yall are hanging out, and if it gets to the point of yall kissing or whatever yall may be doing, just ENJOY the moment. Don't over think things. 

You can pretty much tell what you want, and you kind of know what she wants at this point, so just enjoy the moments. If she comes around and decides she wants something serious, she will tell you if she catches the feels, but I personally wouldn't ruin a good moment by making things awkward. There will be a time and place for that when it comes about.

I'm dealin with the same thing basically because I'm seeing a girl and she has known from the get go that I want nothing serious. I don't want a relationship and I laid that out at the start. With it being an fwb thing, she's already caught her feels but I have to constantly remind her of where I stand.

That's one thing I cant stand is when her and I are having a great night together, and she wants to talk about feelings. It completely ruins the momen and brings in the awkward energy. I've come close more than once telling her the sex is over and we're strictly friends from this point and it puts her back into realization of what we have going on.

So In closing, enjoy the moments and good luck


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Yo, buckethead advisers, i'm gonna let ya'll finish... 

but, my wife looked ridiculously good a couple weeks ago


----------



## BlackMastodon

Congrats man!


----------



## Seybsnilksz

Ibanezsam4 said:


> Yo, buckethead advisers, i'm gonna let ya'll finish...
> 
> but, my wife looked ridiculously good a couple weeks ago



What, she looks worse now?


----------



## TheHandOfStone

What, are we pretending that people don't look better than usual when they dress up?


----------



## UnderTheSign

Seybsnilksz said:


> What, she looks worse now?


If someone tells you "I like your shirt", do you ask them "what, are my other ones ugly then?"?


----------



## Chokey Chicken

I don't even think it was meant in that fashion. Just a simple little "I want to show off my wife" post, which is awesome. Congratulations!


----------



## Seybsnilksz

UnderTheSign said:


> If someone tells you "I like your shirt", do you ask them "what, are my other ones ugly then?"?



No but I will start to wonder when they say "Your shirt looked good a few weeks ago!" haha.

I kid. Just joke.


----------



## MFB

Ibanezsam4 said:


> Yo, buckethead advisers, i'm gonna let ya'll finish... but, my wife looked ridiculously good a couple weeks ago



Well if she looks so good, why don't you marry her?!

...Wait, I don't think I'm doing this joke right


----------



## asher

MFB said:


> Well if she looks so good, why don't you marry her?!
> 
> ...Wait, I don't think I'm doing this joke right



Apparently still better than the first attempt a few posts up 

Congrats man!


----------



## MetalheadMC

Seybsnilksz said:


> What, she looks worse now?



Nice!


----------



## MetalheadMC

Ibanezsam4 said:


> Yo, buckethead advisers, i'm gonna let ya'll finish...
> 
> but, my wife looked ridiculously good a couple weeks ago



Congrats brother! May your marriage last an eternity and yall resolve your problems so they don't wind up on sso's love and relationship thread


----------



## Konfyouzd




----------



## Ibanezsam4

Thanks all! 



Seybsnilksz said:


> What, she looks worse now?



touche  



MetalheadMC said:


> Congrats brother! May your marriage last an eternity and yall resolve your problems so they don't wind up on sso's love and relationship thread



indeed


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Not exactly relationship ralated...but I had one of the funniest experience ever with a girl that never had...cough cough...with a guy with long hair and was totally embarassed about it.
Weirdest...cough cough...experience ever for me, as she made me feel like an alien and didn't wanted to be touched, she wanted and not wanted...but we had a lot of laughs and a generally good time.


----------



## AliceLG

OmegaSlayer said:


> Not exactly relationship ralated...but I had one of the funniest experience ever with a girl that never had...cough cough...with a guy with long hair and was totally embarassed about it.
> Weirdest...cough cough...experience ever for me, as she made me feel like an alien and didn't wanted to be touched, she wanted and not wanted...but we had a lot of laughs and a generally good time.



Oh dude. I know this one too well.

Pro of having long, curly hair: most girls want to touch it all the time
Con of having long, curly hair: most girls want to touch it ALL THE TIME


----------



## asher




----------



## OmegaSlayer

AliceLG said:


> Oh dude. I know this one too well.
> 
> Pro of having long, curly hair: most girls want to touch it all the time
> Con of having long, curly hair: most girls want to touch it ALL THE TIME



I could stand only one girl in the world to pull my ponytail... 
And it makes me cry thinking at that...   

Anyway never thought in this day and age to be able to deliver a "first time" to a 26 years old ladeh 

It pains me so much that I don't have problems with one-night relations, friends with benefits and the likes...but every time I fell in love and totally lost my head and sh!t I failed...HUGE time...
It's like, you know...if conquering the heart of the woman you love is "connect all the dots"...I paint like a Michelangelo fresco and being able at the same time to miss every single dot.


----------



## TheHandOfStone

OmegaSlayer said:


> Anyway never thought in this day and age to be able to deliver a "first time" to a 26 years old ladeh


You'd be surprised...


----------



## BucketheadRules

Goddammit. Was meant to be going to a gig tonight with the girl I mentioned... now she's sent me a long message telling me she's got some kind of virus/food poisoning and has been up all night. I believe her (mainly because she sent the message at 7 o'clock this morning, and she wouldn't be up that early unless something was actually wrong ) but it's SUCH a bummer. I was really looking forward to it.


----------



## asher

BucketheadRules said:


> Goddammit. Was meant to be going to a gig tonight with the girl I mentioned... now she's sent me a long message telling me she's got some kind of virus/food poisoning and has been up all night. I believe her (mainly because she sent the message at 7 o'clock this morning, and she wouldn't be up that early unless something was actually wrong ) but it's SUCH a bummer. I was really looking forward to it.



Ah well, .... happens.


----------



## Blytheryn

BucketheadRules said:


> Goddammit. Was meant to be going to a gig tonight with the girl I mentioned... now she's sent me a long message telling me she's got some kind of virus/food poisoning and has been up all night. I believe her (mainly because she sent the message at 7 o'clock this morning, and she wouldn't be up that early unless something was actually wrong ) but it's SUCH a bummer. I was really looking forward to it.



That's what my girlfriend said when I wanted to take her to Skeletonwitch and Mayhem.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

TheHandOfStone said:


> You'd be surprised...




Man...you know...it scares me that you had that page bookmarked


----------



## BucketheadRules

asher said:


> Ah well, .... happens.



Now I'm wondering if I should mention it to a girl I met on Tinder, since I actually managed to get her into the band I'm seeing tonight... I have her number and she seemed pretty keen to meet up at some point, so maybe? I dunno though, I'd feel like a dick because I'm not particularly interested in her thus far, and it'd be the first time we've met in person. Also it's only a couple of hours' notice


----------



## asher

Can't hurt! 

If she goes, you'll either a) have fun at the show and like her better, or b) have fun at the show and decide you're not interested in pursuing her more. Both of these are progress.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Didn't know what Tinder was, so googled it and here's what I found...

This Hot Tinder MILF Says Her Husband WANTS You To Bang Her, And The Solid Set Of DD's She's Got Seem To Agree

Also...guys...you know I'm Italian...I have some problems with this MILF concept...
What's the age when a girl becomes a MILF? 
I  but I'm serious. I swear


----------



## High Plains Drifter

OmegaSlayer said:


> What's the age when a girl becomes a MILF?
> I  but I'm serious. I swear



As soon as all the *"I need validation/ I'm a mother/ Hubby no longer wants me/ I haven't hit menopause yet"* stars are in alignment.


----------



## MFB

MILF isn't an age, it's kind of dependent on the part where they have a kid to become a MOTHER, which is the M in MILF. Otherwise you're talking about Cougars, which are just hot, older women.


----------



## Blytheryn

OmegaSlayer said:


> Didn't know what Tinder was, so googled it and here's what I found...
> 
> This Hot Tinder MILF Says Her Husband WANTS You To Bang Her, And The Solid Set Of DD's She's Got Seem To Agree
> 
> Also...guys...you know I'm Italian...I have some problems with this MILF concept...
> What's the age when a girl becomes a MILF?
> I  but I'm serious. I swear



MILF is basically the term for your friend's hot mom.


----------



## asher

Blytheryn said:


> MILF is basically the term for your friend's hot mom.


----------



## BucketheadRules

asher said:


> Can't hurt!
> 
> If she goes, you'll either a) have fun at the show and like her better, or b) have fun at the show and decide you're not interested in pursuing her more. Both of these are progress.



Well I offered, she said she's "severely lacking in money" (she's outside the London tube map so travelling in costs ridiculous amounts)... looks like I'm going on my own  Well, I've offered it to my singer, maybe she'll take me up on it but it's so late now that I doubt it.

There's only one person I really wanted to go with though... goddammit STOP catching feels


----------



## OmegaSlayer

Blytheryn said:


> MILF is basically the term for your friend's hot mom.



Sounds Brazzer-ish 

I think that between my friend circle, the youngest mom is like 52...


----------



## vividox

Hey guys, I'm bored at work and have about half an hour to kill, so I thought I'd join the thread (Hi everyone!) and drop the story of how I met my wife. So, from the beginning...



I grew up in a small rural Missouri town to conservative Catholic parents. When I turned 18, I went off to a liberal arts university and my top two priorities were getting drunk and getting laid. Not necessarily in that order. That's when I met Superbitch (her name is not actually Superbitch, this is a very clever use of foreshadowing on my part, you'll see). We hooked up at a frat party when I used the line, "I've never kissed a girl before" on her. It turned out she lived right down the hall from me in the dorms and we started officially dating a few weeks after that. It went well for the first few months, then during Christmas break, I found out she was cheating on me with her high school boyfriend. I was a naive dumbass at the time, so I took her back. And the next two years were total hell. It's a long story, but the spark notes are: we broke up and got back together about a thousand times, she cheated on me with about eight different guys total (that I know of), we were engaged at one point, we had a miscarriage, and it took something even worse than all of that (that I don't really feel like airing out) to finally burn that abortion of a relationship to the ground.

So by the time Superbitch was history, I was 21. I had run the gauntlet of worst relationship of all time and was looking for a nice girl: someone mommy and daddy could be proud of. I met my second girlfriend, we'll call her Sarah (since her name is Sarah). She was extremely sweet, extremely attractive, and a lot of fun to hang out with. In comparison to Superbitch, she was an angel, and I got overly head-over-heels immediately. Which is why Sarah only lasted two weeks before she let me down as nicely and carefully as she could.

By this point I was crushed. Superbitch was Satan incarnate, Sarah was the "one that got away", and I was a naive hopeless fool who wasn't very good at this whole dating thing, apparently. The very next night I went to a party to let off some steam. And found a freshman girl all over me. There was little to no pretense that night, we went back to my place and boinked like bunnies. The next morning she left and I thought I'd never see her again. We'll call her Ashley (since her name is Ashley).

A few months later I started dating another girl. She's not very interesting to the story, though. Whomp whomp. It only lasted about three months before I let her down as nicely and carefully as I could.

Shortly after that ended, my very good buddy Nigel started dating Ashley. This was quite awkward. Nigel did not care. So it wasn't long before Ashley and I were forced into a situation where we confronted our boinkiness and buried the hatchet. It wasn't too long after that when I was introduced to Ashley's roommate and best friend. We'll call her Veronica (because her name is Veronica).

Veronica didn't much like me at first. She saw me as a guy who had taken advantage of her best friend. However, it was summer break, most people had gone home, and Nigel, Ashley, Veronica and myself started hanging out on an almost daily basis. I put the moves on Veronica early and she was very... resilient. Ashley and I both kept trying to tell her that it was Ashley who took advantage of me and not the other way around, but Veronica was still pretty put off by the whole thing.

Eventually, Veronica gave me a ride home one night and I made a move. We ended up at her place and made out (nothing too serious) and I spent the night. This spawned the first of several sleepovers. In her mind, I was just a summer fling who she really didn't like that much but it was convenient and ohwhatthehell. In my mind, I was tired of taking relationships seriously, so why not just enjoy myself?

We now like to say that the plan was to go our separate ways at the end of summer, but neither of us got around to it. Three awesome years later we were married. Ashley and Nigel were both in the wedding party, of course (and even though they had broken up years before, we made them walk down the aisle together - hehe).

So there you have it. I can officially say I met my wife by fooking her best friend.

But in all sincerity, my wife is a badass. As cliche as it is to say, she's my best friend and one of the best people I've ever met in my life. We've been married for five years now and it still seems like we're getting better together every day.


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## TheHandOfStone

vividox said:


> we'll call her Sarah (since her name is Sarah).
> We'll call her Ashley (since her name is Ashley).
> We'll call her Veronica (because her name is Veronica).


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## Konfyouzd

High Plains Drifter said:


> As soon as all the *"I need validation/ I'm a mother/ Hubby no longer wants me/ I haven't hit menopause yet"* stars are in alignment.


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## MetalheadMC

BucketheadRules said:


> Well I offered, she said she's "severely lacking in money" (she's outside the London tube map so travelling in costs ridiculous amounts)... looks like I'm going on my own  Well, I've offered it to my singer, maybe she'll take me up on it but it's so late now that I doubt it.
> 
> There's only one person I really wanted to go with though... goddammit STOP catching feels



Yeah be careful with that sh!t brother. You never know, you may find another chick there and hit it off. Just go with the flow


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## BucketheadRules

OmegaSlayer said:


> Sounds Brazzer-ish
> 
> I think that between my friend circle, the youngest mom is like 52...



It IS Brazzer-ish and for the exact reason you mention - it's usually absurdly unrealistic that any of your friends' mums are that hot


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## BucketheadRules

MetalheadMC said:


> Yeah be careful with that sh!t brother. You never know, you may find another chick there and hit it off. Just go with the flow



I didn't, was still a bit bummed by the whole thing so I kept myself to myself, but it was a f*cking awesome show. They were giving out stickers for free at the merch stand so I grabbed an extra one for the girl who was meant to be going with me originally.


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## OmegaSlayer

A big hug to those knowing what Brazzers is without googling it. 

I was dumped yesterday for the second time in 2 weeks.
By my best friend. We had to go out for a beer alone, we usually hang out to go "hunting"...
He called me last minute and told me: "I forgot I had to go to the birthday party of a friend"
I told him: "If a slight chance of sex is involved, I won't be angry at you"
He: "G. you know you have some serious problem with your sex addiction"
Me: "I know, it's the lack of cuddles"
He: "Me too, but...Jesus Christ! "


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## asher




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## OmegaSlayer

Besides...this lack of cuddles made my awaken a monster from my ancient past, think...Mustakrakish  ...10 days ago, someone that is too close, and we've always been kept separated by our parents for good reasons...since we were 15...we're meeting tomorrow...after 17-18 years...she's taking a long trip to meet me...this is like one of the stupidest thing in my life and I hope I'll manage to keep all my cool and behave like a reasonable adult.


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## Gravy Train

Went on my first date in almost a year and had a great time. Things went smoothly and conversation continuously flowed (something that doesn't happen often). 

A great Halloween if i do say so myself!


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## OmegaSlayer

Me and cousin behaved like a reasonable adult and manage to stop at critic points, looking into each others eyes, hugging each other and starting to laugh instead of kissing.
I had a wonderful day yesterday, we went to see The Art Of Brick, the expo of that NewYork guy who makes insane scultures with Lego.


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## BucketheadRules

OmegaSlayer said:


> Me and cousin behaved like a reasonable adult and manage to stop at critic points, looking into each others eyes, hugging each other and starting to laugh instead of kissing.



Definitely don't fool around with your cousin unless you want kids with eleven toes


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## asher

BucketheadRules said:


> Definitely don't fool around with your cousin unless you want kids with eleven toes



Alternately, come move to Virginia, and you can even marry her!

(and we give West Virginia so much grief, yet it's actually illegal there).


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## Konfyouzd

The fact that it's legal to marry your cousin anywhere makes me really sad to be part of the human race... The fact that I live in that VERY state... Whole new level of sadness...

And how in the name of all things holy did that even come up?

And speaking of which... Every time I go anywhere w/ my sister everyone thinks she's my damn wife. She looks exactly like a female version of me (yea... we're sexy motherfunkers...). Ewww...


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## Chokey Chicken

Not that I'm condoning it, but I think cousins are far off enough where you won't have any 11 toed children with them. Not exactly the healthiest relationship to have regardless. That's worth avoiding at all costs.


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## MFB

Italian cousin hooking up? Now THAT'S a spicy meatball.


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## TheHandOfStone

What Chokey Chicken said is true, although again, why force your kid to swim in the shallow end of the gene pool?


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## asher

TheHandOfStone said:


> What Chokey Chicken said is true, although again, why force your kid to swim in the shallow end of the gene pool?



Don't need to buy them water wings?


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## BlackMastodon

Chokey Chicken said:


> Not that I'm condoning it, but I think cousins are far off enough where you won't have any 11 toed children with them. Not exactly the healthiest relationship to have regardless. That's worth avoiding at all costs.


I'm pretty sure it's something like 3rd cousins and on is ok, there's still a decent chance of mental illness in the children when cousins procreate. I'm no biologist but I'm sure I've heard something like that before.

Back to the OP that spawned (heheh, pun intended) this conversation: are we using the word "cousin" in the actual family context, where there is a blood relation, or are we using it in the context of referring to very close friends of your parents and their kids where there is no blood relation? I've seen that used by quite a few Europeans, my family included.


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## Chokey Chicken

I'm not too up to date with how family breeding goes, but I did research it a bit a while ago. (I knew somebody who was toying with the idea of a relationship, which is a long and disheartening story all its own.)

I think at its worst, which is brother and sister, you run a 10% higher risk of such things, and first cousins are something like 2%. Not the scariest percentages when it comes to things of that nature. (10% is pretty big, but 2% isn't.) I may look into it more to correct any misinformation I might have crammed in my head. Regardless of how you look at it, its generally just not a healthy train of thought and usually its a sign of other problems within a family unit.


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## Ibanezsam4

this thread has taken a turn to the amazing


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## Konfyouzd

This thread has gone to a place that's made me even less happy.


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## flint757

I've come to the realization that I'm extremely shallow when it comes to dating. I need more than looks for a relationship to work, but I've passed up a ton of dating/hook up opportunities just because they were...not my type.


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## BlackMastodon

flint757 said:


> I've come to the realization that I'm extremely shallow when it comes to dating. I need more than looks for a relationship to work, but I've passed up a ton of dating/hook up opportunities just because they were...not my type.


Nothing wrong with having standards.


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## Konfyouzd

Not your type meaning not pretty? I've noticed that's the euphemism of choice when we don't find people attractive but looking at your statement on the surface, your logic makes perfect sense.

"I passed up many opportunities because they simply weren't a good fit," makes perfect sense in my mind. But... If "not a good fit" simply means that she's an awesome person that isn't so easy on your eyes, then it seems jacked up but I still kinda feel you on that.

Maybe I'm shallow too. 

Realistically, though, no amount of great personality will change the fact that if I think you're ugly, I just don't wanna wake up to that every morning and I'm pretty sure plenty of women have thought the same about either my looks or my sh!tty disposition so, meh...


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## High Plains Drifter

It's not shallow to want someone that you feel is super hot... as long as they are super-hot in YOUR eyes. Intimacy and ( eventually) the entire relationship can definitely take a serious hit... possibly fail miserably if you look at that person and don't feel that genuine stimulation. Not fair to the other person either. Meh... not saying anything that anyone doesn't already know.


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## flint757

Konfyouzd said:


> Not your type meaning not pretty? I've noticed that's the euphemism of choice when we don't find people attractive but looking at your statement on the surface, your logic makes perfect sense.
> 
> "I passed up many opportunities because they simply weren't a good fit," makes perfect sense in my mind. But... If "not a good fit" simply means that she's an awesome person that isn't so easy on your eyes, then it seems jacked up but I still kinda feel you on that.
> 
> Maybe I'm shallow too.
> 
> Realistically, though, no amount of great personality will change the fact that if I think you're ugly, I just don't wanna wake up to that every morning and I'm pretty sure plenty of women have thought the same about either my looks or my sh!tty disposition so, meh...



It's the more shallow simply not pretty enough reason. Not even necessarily ugly either. I've passed up even average looking women before which is kind of ridiculous since I'm fairly average myself. 

When I get to know someone better though, without the visual context getting in the way, I have 'fallen' for less than my ideal so it's not set in stone. I'm just more amused with myself that I apparently would rather be alone than with someone below average looking, which is pretty shallow.

This has only arisen because a very average looking woman was trying to pick me up for pretty much just sex and I'm fairly certain I'm going to pass it up.


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## OmegaSlayer

Besides not being my direct cousin, my father and mother don't have brothers or sisters...
Still the problem remains.
It's fun and sad at the same time that 2 people feel each other like the perfect match but...both of you realize that it's better that nothing happens.
I'm very happy we both manage to cool off the sexual tension that some time grew.
And...it's good that you know there's always a person that is able to see through you and be close no matter what...that the more you manage to keep far from you, the closer he/she will be.
I'm very happy with the "relation" I have with my cousin, one of the most precious thing in my life and I would never ruin it for a kiss or whatever.
But yeah, food for thoughts anyway.


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## Chokey Chicken

Physical attraction is an important part of relationships, so it's not the worst thing you could do. You might be robbing yourself of some great times though if you don't even give someone a chance, especially if you're only aiming for 9's or 10's and even excluding average to mildly attractive women.

I say if a chance to date a not so attractive but nice girl pops up, give it a shot. It doesn't mean you have to stay with her or even have sex, but something you would otherwise miss might happen. I've met some great people, and would have gladly stayed with a couple of them, that were less attractive than I'd prefer and I dated.


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## vividox

Konfyouzd said:


> And speaking of which... Every time I go anywhere w/ my sister everyone thinks she's my damn wife. She looks exactly like a female version of me (yea... we're sexy motherfunkers...). Ewww...


Sometimes people think my wife is my sister since we look so much alike.


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## OmegaSlayer

flint757 said:


> I've come to the realization that I'm extremely shallow when it comes to dating. I need more than looks for a relationship to work, but I've passed up a ton of dating/hook up opportunities just because they were...not my type.



The girl I can't get off my mind was NOT my type at all, and I still can't get my head around that.
Or better, I know well that it wasn't for the look, still it's the first thing I try to use with myself to get her out of my head.
I've been laid with a good amount of ladies that were my type and still can't get her THAT one who wasn't my type out of my head.


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## vividox

Konfyouzd said:


> The fact that it's legal to marry your cousin anywhere makes me really sad to be part of the human race... The fact that I live in that VERY state... Whole new level of sadness...
> 
> And how in the name of all things holy did that even come up?


Scientifically speaking, procreating with a cousin isn't particularly risky. There is a very quick drop off in risk of downs syndrome, other mental illnesses, or degenerate problems in general when you move from immediately family to extended family. Which, biologically speaking, makes sense - it gives critically endangered species a better shot at sustaining their population than if procreation with relatives almost always ended up with some kind of genetic deformity. 

That all being said, with a population of 7.2 billion, the importance of procreation is virtually non-existent. So the stigma from procreating with a cousin is more propagated by societal convention than true biological riskiness. It's really nothing more than the perpetuating idea that it is gross and the act becoming taboo because of that. It's worth noting that a few hundred years ago, marrying a cousin wasn't taboo.

A few sources for the curious:
Few Risks Seen To the Children Of 1st Cousins - NYTimes.com
Why not marry your cousin? Millions do

I'm not really trying to justify marrying a cousin so much as I'm just trying to point out that the practice of marrying a cousin is taboo for (perhaps unjustified) social reasons, not necessarily biological ones.


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## Konfyouzd

vividox said:


> Scientifically speaking, procreating with a cousin isn't particularly risky. There is a very quick drop off in risk of downs syndrome, other mental illnesses, or degenerate problems in general when you move from immediately family to extended family. Which, biologically speaking, makes sense - it gives critically endangered species a better shot at sustaining their population than if procreation with relatives almost always ended up with some kind of genetic deformity.
> 
> That all being said, with a population of 7.2 billion, the importance of procreation is virtually non-existent. So the stigma from procreating with a cousin is more propagated by societal convention than true biological riskiness. It's really nothing more than the perpetuating idea that it is gross and the act becoming taboo because of that. It's worth noting that a few hundred years ago, marrying a cousin wasn't taboo.
> 
> A few sources for the curious:
> Few Risks Seen To the Children Of 1st Cousins - NYTimes.com
> Why not marry your cousin? Millions do
> 
> I'm not really trying to justify marrying a cousin so much as I'm just trying to point out that the practice of marrying a cousin is taboo for (perhaps unjustified) social reasons, not necessarily biological ones.



I never even considered the science behind it, honestly. The moment you tell me, "That person is family," I'm no longer into the idea of bumping uglies.


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## MetalheadMC

Konfyouzd said:


> I never even considered the science behind it, honestly. The moment you tell me, "That person is family," I'm no longer into the idea of bumping uglies.



I'm from GREENBOW, AL! And I second this statement


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## flint757

So I was walking my dog and he decides to pass out in front of someones house (he's old). Couldn't get him to move for the life of me and the the resident pulls up who's a reasonably attractive woman who has taken an interest in my fallen comrade. Her names Courtney and she has two dogs of her own apparently. She was leaving again shortly with her family it looked like and I had to get him moving so I could go ahead and get my vote in for the election, but I may be walking down her street again...of course not a block further down he sits his ass on the grass and literally tells me he isn't going anywhere. So then I have to tie him to a tree and go get my truck to pick him up.  He's 12, got a bum leg, arthritis and has packed on some weight so I can't blame him after walking around for like 45 minutes.


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## flint757

Chokey Chicken said:


> I say if a chance to date a not so attractive but nice girl pops up, give it a shot. It doesn't mean you have to stay with her or even have sex, but something you would otherwise miss might happen. I've met some great people, and would have gladly stayed with a couple of them, that were less attractive than I'd prefer and I dated.



My biggest hurdle in this regard is actually that I don't want to get attached to anymore people in this area. My intentions are to move out of Texas in the next couple of years and personal ties make it really hard to do that. It's taken me like 6 months just to convince myself it's for the best even though I'll be leaving my family and friends here. If I got into a serious relationship I'm not so sure I could actually follow through with my plan. I'm a huge sap.


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## High Plains Drifter

flint757 said:


> My biggest hurdle in this regard is actually that I don't want to get attached to anymore people in this area. My intentions are to move out of Texas in the next couple of years and personal ties make it really hard to do that. It's taken me like 6 months just to convince myself its for the best even though I'll be leaving my family and friends here. If I got into a serious relationship I'm not so sure I could actually follow through with my plan. I'm a huge sap.



Man, I can completely respect that perspective and I can relate to it from my own experiences. But 2+ years is a long time to fight off potentially life-changing and one of a kind types of relationships. It's not a long time to fly solo, as I've gone more time than that steering clear of intimate relationships, but idk... I guess we have to stick to our game-plan to reach our ultimate goals. Just hope that you don't pass on something that could wind up being a great match. Never know... if you wind up with that certain someone, they could also be wanting to ( or willing to) accompany you on your journey. 

Also curious as to why you're wanting to leave Tejas? I certainly have gone through many of my own reasons throughout the years... still here though. 

Best of luck achieving your goals, man.


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## flint757

I definitely don't disagree. It's just the inner tug-a-war I go through when new opportunities arise. I usually ignore it, hence why I said I'll probably attempt to bump into that chick again. 

IME people who live in Texas don't want to leave. I've met very few people in my local area who wanted to leave Texas. There are things I'd miss about it as well, aside from family/friends, like the food, cheap prices and nature, but there are people I don't associate with that constantly rub me the wrong way. They make up a large portion of the Texas population as well (tough state to be a Democratic Socialist). The politics here are awful. The education system sucks unless you happen to live in a well-to-do area. My vote doesn't matter at all. Anything that happens to be publicly funded is poorly run due to being heavily underfunded. Houston is in a constant state of construction. Those things as time goes forward have driven me more and more mad by the day.  

On top of that there is some very strong family drama that's going on in my family and literal distance keeps me out of it. There's a couple people in my family who literally create chaos wherever they go and because some people in my family have big hearts they keep getting themselves dragged into it, and by extension I get dragged into it. It's all very draining when you already have your own physical/mental health problems to deal with. I'd like to move to Oregon, Washington, or Oahu, Hawaii. It wouldn't be too difficult for me to find work since I work in the technology sector. Right now I'm just trying to tie up loose ends, get rid of my debt, and save up money.

Everyone I've dated up to this point has no desire to leave Texas so I think it has something to do with my 'type'.  I'm very skeptical about getting involved with anyone because anytime I do I usually end up stuck in that 'head-over-hills' state of mind.

Even after saying this I'll likely still attempt to date so I'm largely BSing myself.


----------



## OmegaSlayer

vividox said:


> Scientifically speaking, procreating with a cousin isn't particularly risky. There is a very quick drop off in risk of downs syndrome, other mental illnesses, or degenerate problems in general when you move from immediately family to extended family. Which, biologically speaking, makes sense - it gives critically endangered species a better shot at sustaining their population than if procreation with relatives almost always ended up with some kind of genetic deformity.
> 
> That all being said, with a population of 7.2 billion, the importance of procreation is virtually non-existent. So the stigma from procreating with a cousin is more propagated by societal convention than true biological riskiness. It's really nothing more than the perpetuating idea that it is gross and the act becoming taboo because of that. It's worth noting that a few hundred years ago, marrying a cousin wasn't taboo.
> 
> A few sources for the curious:
> Few Risks Seen To the Children Of 1st Cousins - NYTimes.com
> Why not marry your cousin? Millions do
> 
> I'm not really trying to justify marrying a cousin so much as I'm just trying to point out that the practice of marrying a cousin is taboo for (perhaps unjustified) social reasons, not necessarily biological ones.



I'm not the taboo kind of person, and my cousin is one of the most important people in my life and I'm the same to her, which is...strange, considering we live hundreds of miles away and maybe met less than 10 times in 35+ years.
But yeah...something's totally not right in my guts.


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## High Plains Drifter

flint757 said:


> I definitely don't disagree. It's just the inner tug-a-war I go through when new opportunities arise. I usually ignore it, hence why I said I'll probably attempt to bump into that chick again.
> 
> IME people who live in Texas don't want to leave. I've met very few people in my local area who wanted to leave Texas. There are things I'd miss about it as well, aside from family/friends, like the food, cheap prices and nature, but there are people I don't associate with that constantly rub me the wrong way. They make up a large portion of the Texas population as well (tough state to be a Democratic Socialist). The politics here are awful. The education system sucks unless you happen to live in a well-to-do area. My vote doesn't matter at all. Anything that happens to be publicly funded is poorly run due to being heavily underfunded. Houston is in a constant state of construction. Those things as time goes forward have driven me more and more mad by the day.
> 
> On top of that there is some very strong family drama that's going on in my family and literal distance keeps me out of it. There's a couple people in my family who literally create chaos wherever they go and because some people in my family have big hearts they keep getting themselves dragged into it, and by extension I get dragged into it. It's all very draining when you already have your own physical/mental health problems to deal with. I'd like to move to Oregon, Washington, or Oahu, Hawaii. It wouldn't be too difficult for me to find work since I work in the technology sector. Right now I'm just trying to tie up loose ends, get rid of my debt, and save up money.
> 
> Everyone I've dated up to this point has no desire to leave Texas so I think it has something to do with my 'type'.  I'm very skeptical about getting involved with anyone because anytime I do I usually end up stuck in that 'head-over-hills' state of mind.
> 
> Even after saying this I'll likely still attempt to date so I'm largely BSing myself.



Completely understand your feelings on all this. Twenty years ago I would have said "Come on up here to Austin" but cities like this are becoming more and more like SA, H-town, and DFW over the past decade or so.. obviously not in terms of size but in many other aspects... and growing very very rapidly. My fiance and I have looked into a few places including Washington, Oregon, Nor-Cal, and Colorado. Dunno if we'll ever get serious about it but one big factor is that it ain't cheap nor for the faint at heart to just pick up and move so far away. 

I would also typically throw out the old cliche that "it's not where you live. It's what you make of your situation" But once you involve the drama and complexities of the family stuff, priorities sometimes become more about finding sanity and independence ( which often doesn't include the family lol). I had to leave mine due to sevearl circumstances and so I hit the road in the middle of the night with the car loaded up with all that I owned including my dog, had about $900 in my pocket, and never looked back. Hope for your own welfare and happiness that you're able to take a direction that ultimately provides you solace and success. 

Talk about "head over heels"... I've got a few pages that I could easily contribute to the "love and relationships" thread at any time lol.


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## vividox

OmegaSlayer said:


> I'm not the taboo kind of person, and my cousin is one of the most important people in my life and I'm the same to her, which is...strange, considering we live hundreds of miles away and maybe met less than 10 times in 35+ years.
> But yeah...something's totally not right in my guts.


Well it's probably pretty easy for your mind to not consider her family if you've only met ~10 times in your life. 

Again, I'm not trying to encourage this, all I'm arguing is that a relationship with your cousin being taboo is simply because society says so, not necessarily because there's a good reason for it. You still have to deal with the taboo, justified or not.


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## tacotiklah

*enters this thread just to see how some of my friends are doing on the love life homefront and see if I can be of any help*


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## Alberto7

^ LOOOOL 

--------------

So there's this relatively new Japanese chick in my karate classes. She moved in some time ago with another one of my karate classmates and his wife. There was a karate camp this last weekend, and I attended the whole thing, and she attended a good deal of it, so we got to spend quite a lot of time together, and we went to lunch together (all of us) and we talked a lot and whatnot.

Today, I get a text message from her roommate while I was in class: "Hey man, call X, she wants to go out." and I reply "oh, that's cool, but when? Today? I'm pretty busy today. Give me her number, I don't have it." I'm thinking she just wants us all to hang and do something together again. I get another reply "No man, she likes you!!! She wants to go out with you! She told my wife that she likes you. Here's her number XYZ." I confirm this with the guy, and he tells me "Call her, but be nice." 

... needless to say, I got a little freaked out in the middle of class, but I still couldn't erase the smile from my face now matter how hard I tried.  Now, she's not unattractive at all, she's very nice and very well mannered, and we have very similar interests (we both do karate, she studies physics, she wants to learn guitar and, well, I've always wanted to learn Japanese), but this is a girl with whom I would have a pretty significant language and culture barrier (she came to Montreal about 6 months ago, straight from Tokyo, to study English), which honestly makes it even more interesting to me, but it's a little scary, since I've never had to deal with that in this context. Not only that, but she's leaving Montreal in about 2-3 weeks, so I think "what's the point?"

I've invited her to go out some time this week, or during the weekend (I'll see her on Thursday during training anyway), but I really don't know where I want this - or should expect this - to go. I'm interested, and I definitely want to try and see what comes out of this, but I'm a little doubtful. I'd have to clear things up a bit with regards to what we should expect out of only two weeks.

Again, I feel like I'm overthinking things, and we haven't even been on a date yet.  It just came onto me so suddenly, and I wasn't even trying to get her to like me that way in the first place.


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## flint757

Never turn down making close friends with people across the globe. It always pays to have someone you know in another country if you ever travel, even if it doesn't work out romantically. 

One of my friends parents does exchange programs and I've met through him some wonderful people in Switzerland, Japan, Peru, and Italy. If I ever traveled to any of these countries I have an insider who can offer me housing and guidance. Seems like a win-win to me. Either you become friends or something happens.


----------



## Alberto7

^ Oh, absolutely. I'm one to know that.  I'm just afraid of what might follow should "something" happen. I'm still going with it and will judge as I go, but I feel hesitant.

Also, I just noticed how all the thread's tags are gone and replaced with "cousin lovin."


----------



## vividox

Alberto7 said:


> ^ LOOOOL
> 
> --------------
> 
> So there's this relatively new Japanese chick in my karate classes. She moved in some time ago with another one of my karate classmates and his wife. There was a karate camp this last weekend, and I attended the whole thing, and she attended a good deal of it, so we got to spend quite a lot of time together, and we went to lunch together (all of us) and we talked a lot and whatnot.
> 
> Today, I get a text message from her roommate while I was in class: "Hey man, call X, she wants to go out." and I reply "oh, that's cool, but when? Today? I'm pretty busy today. Give me her number, I don't have it." I'm thinking she just wants us all to hang and do something together again. I get another reply "No man, she likes you!!! She wants to go out with you! She told my wife that she likes you. Here's her number XYZ." I confirm this with the guy, and he tells me "Call her, but be nice."
> 
> ... needless to say, I got a little freaked out in the middle of class, but I still couldn't erase the smile from my face now matter how hard I tried.  Now, she's not unattractive at all, she's very nice and very well mannered, and we have very similar interests (we both do karate, she studies physics, she wants to learn guitar and, well, I've always wanted to learn Japanese), but this is a girl with whom I would have a pretty significant language and culture barrier (she came to Montreal about 6 months ago, straight from Tokyo, to study English), which honestly makes it even more interesting to me, but it's a little scary, since I've never had to deal with that in this context. Not only that, but she's leaving Montreal in about 2-3 weeks, so I think "what's the point?"
> 
> I've invited her to go out some time this week, or during the weekend (I'll see her on Thursday during training anyway), but I really don't know where I want this - or should expect this - to go. I'm interested, and I definitely want to try and see what comes out of this, but I'm a little doubtful. I'd have to clear things up a bit with regards to what we should expect out of only two weeks.
> 
> Again, I feel like I'm overthinking things, and we haven't even been on a date yet.  It just came onto me so suddenly, and I wasn't even trying to get her to like me that way in the first place.


The 2-3 weeks thing combined with her relatively direct approach (yeah, it was through a intermediary, but she still obviously initiated it) makes me think this could be nothing more than a hookup request. If it were me, I'd have a good time and manage expectations. Not to say nothing can come from it, but she may well just be looking to blow off some steam for a few weeks.


----------



## Alberto7

^ Kind of what I was thinking, too. Also, date confirmed for this weekend, so we'll see how that goes!


----------



## ASoC

^Good luck dude!

So my friend called me while I was on my lunch break, and I want to help him out but I'm not sure what to tell him. 

He told me that he and his female roommate (they're both 19-20, in their second year of college) got drunk and hooked up this week. However, since they're friends she's been telling him about this guy she's into (who she's actually with at their place right now). This dude is 30. My friend says he's not sure what to do because he's actually into his roommate. I think his best course of action is to forget about it, but I don't want to be crushing one of my best friend's hopes. He has no experience with women because he's pretty socially awkward, so I like seeing him succeed, even if it's just somewhat. But, I also feel like its my job to take care of him and help him because we've known each other for like 15 years. Even though he's awkward and hard to get along with sometimes, he's still my homie and I don't want to let him get hurt if I can help it. What should I do?


----------



## MetalheadMC

ASoC said:


> ^Good luck dude!
> 
> So my friend called me while I was on my lunch break, and I want to help him out but I'm not sure what to tell him.
> 
> He told me that he and his female roommate (they're both 19-20, in their second year of college) got drunk and hooked up this week. However, since they're friends she's been telling him about this guy she's into (who she's actually with at their place right now). This dude is 30. My friend says he's not sure what to do because he's actually into his roommate. I think his best course of action is to forget about it, but I don't want to be crushing one of my best friend's hopes. He has no experience with women because he's pretty socially awkward, so I like seeing him succeed, even if it's just somewhat. But, I also feel like its my job to take care of him and help him because we've known each other for like 15 years. Even though he's awkward and hard to get along with sometimes, he's still my homie and I don't want to let him get hurt if I can help it. What should I do?



Remind him he's 20 years old and more women will come along. Plus he's in college so more opportunities will come along. I would also mention for him to not try and make it awkward, because being awkward with someone you live with is bad juju. Perhaps, he's already crossed that line by sleeping with her


----------



## BlackMastodon

ASoC said:


> ^Good luck dude!
> 
> So my friend called me while I was on my lunch break, and I want to help him out but I'm not sure what to tell him.
> 
> He told me that he and his female roommate (they're both 19-20, in their second year of college) got drunk and hooked up this week. However, since they're friends she's been telling him about this guy she's into (who she's actually with at their place right now). This dude is 30. My friend says he's not sure what to do because he's actually into his roommate. I think his best course of action is to forget about it, but I don't want to be crushing one of my best friend's hopes. He has no experience with women because he's pretty socially awkward, so I like seeing him succeed, even if it's just somewhat. But, I also feel like its my job to take care of him and help him because we've known each other for like 15 years. Even though he's awkward and hard to get along with sometimes, he's still my homie and I don't want to let him get hurt if I can help it. What should I do?


Best way you can help him is to tell him the hard truth. You might crush him now but it's better than him trying too long for something that won't happen. This is also why you should never hook up with your roommates. Almost always turns ugly.


----------



## Alberto7

BlackMastodon said:


> Best way you can help him is to tell him the hard truth. You might crush him now but it's better than him trying too long for something that won't happen. This is also why you should never hook up with your roommates. Almost always turns ugly.



So much this, I can't stress it enough. All I can say is I am never looking at a roommate that way ever again.


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## BucketheadRules

Was out at a bar with some friends last night, including the same girl I've been kind of seeing recently, and while she was cool with me having my arm round her and a little bit of hand-holding type stuff, I feel a bit weird. When I left (working this morning so had to get home) we kissed goodbye, on the lips, a couple of times, but when I tried to keep kissing her she stopped me and said something like "don't be cheeky, we've talked about this"...

Sh*t. I mean, maybe it's just because we were with friends (even though no-one was watching) but it just seems weird, she's been fine with this kind of stuff happening before now.


----------



## vividox

Could it be that she just doesn't like PDA?


----------



## BucketheadRules

vividox said:


> Could it be that she just doesn't like PDA?



That hasn't stopped it before  Although admittedly that time there was no-one there we knew, this time it was a group of three or four other friends. Dunno... I know she's told me it isn't anything serious (that's presumably why she said "we talked about this"), but we do keep seeing each other, we talk a lot and we've kissed a few times. I really don't know what's going on... but I like it, whatever it is, and I want it to continue 

Well, when she got up to go to the bar or somewhere, one of my friends leaned over and said "man, you are definitely gonna bang her"... so maybe there's chemistry between us that others can see. We get on really well though, and aside from any romantic feelings we may or may not have, we do just like each other. She's great. I just wish I didn't have feels... or rather, I wish she did.


----------



## asher

Yeah, probably just doesn't want to feel excessively public. I'd try not to worry about it - a small missed cue isn't going to just shred a relationship.


----------



## Konfyouzd

People sure do have a lot of quirky hang ups...


----------



## Alberto7

Alberto7 said:


> ^ Kind of what I was thinking, too. Also, date confirmed for this weekend, so we'll see how that goes!



I would totally date this chick if she weren't leaving on Saturday. What a lovely person she came across as. We went for lunch and had a great time getting to know each other better. Then she had to go meet with her friend at some other place, so I went with her and kept her company while she waited for her friend to arrive.

Nothing happened, other than a rather casual holding of hands the last 10 minutes before her friend arrived. We hit it off real well while learning more about each other and got carried away, so we never got to talking about the 'date' per se by the time she left. By the time it came to me, I felt bad making any sudden moves before clearing the waters first; she's leaving way too soon, and I feel that may lead to an unnecessary and unpleasant situation. I'll see her again at least once more this week. Just gonna go with the flow and, if it feels right, I'll make a move, if not, it doesn't matter because I still got to meet a lovely new friend.

At least it makes me feel like I'm back in the game and moving forward just fine.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Alberto7 said:


> I would totally date this chick if she weren't leaving on Saturday. What a lovely person she came across as. We went for lunch and had a great time getting to know each other better. Then she had to go meet with her friend at some other place, so I went with her and kept her company while she waited for her friend to arrive.
> 
> Nothing happened, other than a rather casual holding of hands the last 10 minutes before her friend arrived. We hit it off real well while learning more about each other and got carried away, so we never got to talking about the 'date' per se by the time she left. By the time it came to me, I felt bad making any sudden moves before clearing the waters first; she's leaving way too soon, and I feel that may lead to an unnecessary and unpleasant situation. I'll see her again at least once more this week. Just gonna go with the flow and, if it feels right, I'll make a move, if not, it doesn't matter because I still got to meet a lovely new friend.
> 
> At least it makes me feel like I'm back in the game and moving forward just fine.









Glad to hear it, man.


----------



## asher

Back to the drawing board, again...


----------



## BucketheadRules

BucketheadRules said:


> That hasn't stopped it before  Although admittedly that time there was no-one there we knew, this time it was a group of three or four other friends. Dunno... I know she's told me it isn't anything serious (that's presumably why she said "we talked about this"), but we do keep seeing each other, we talk a lot and we've kissed a few times. I really don't know what's going on... but I like it, whatever it is, and I want it to continue
> 
> Well, when she got up to go to the bar or somewhere, one of my friends leaned over and said "man, you are definitely gonna bang her"... so maybe there's chemistry between us that others can see. We get on really well though, and aside from any romantic feelings we may or may not have, we do just like each other. She's great. I just wish I didn't have feels... or rather, I wish she did.



Right.

Last night the aforementioned friend admitted to me that after I left, they all went back to his place and at some point everyone else left, she was too far from home and stayed the night... and guess what happened.

I don't think I'm angry at him, he didn't know how I felt about her and said he wouldn't have done anything if he'd known... and I THINK I believe him. I really don't know how I feel about her. I get that they were both pretty drunk and it almost certainly didn't mean anything, and that we're not technically "a thing" anyway, but I still feel awful about it. Couldn't sleep last night.

I feel like I should talk to her about it, we've been pretty open with each other thus far and this is too big for me to ignore. I don't want to fall out over it, but I need to tell her what I'm dealing with emotionally here. It's my fault for developing feelings when I knew from the start that it wasn't going to be a serious thing, but surely she must have some idea how I feel about her?


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## UnderTheSign

Yeah, I'd say at this point go have a chat.


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## flint757

Do what you need to do to feel better for sure, but the only thing I'm going to add is that being drunk isn't really an excuse. People become more open to things they might normally be slightly resistant to, but they don't do things they'd never have considered doing. She's just really into casual sex/relationships and that's about it.


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## BucketheadRules

flint757 said:


> Do what you need to do to feel better for sure, but the only thing I'm going to add is that being drunk isn't really an excuse. People become more open to things they might normally be slightly resistant to, but they don't do things they'd never have considered doing. She's just really into casual sex/relationships and that's about it.



I was out for a drink with her tonight anyway... well, some other friends too but mainly her. Eventually they all left and it was just the two of us. I decided not to bring it up, she mentioned the other night in passing and said she was drunk AND stoned, and I didn't press for any details. Want to put it out of my head and move on really. I doubt it was anything serious, and I think my mate feels bad about it now he knows my side of the story, so hopefully it might not happen again.

It was genuinely as if nothing had happened, we were talking for ages about all sorts of things, and almost lost track of time. But then when we said goodbye, I tried to go for a kiss again and she stopped me.

She's mentioned trust issues because of stuff that's happened in her past, in fact she was talking about this stuff very openly tonight, and I wonder if this has anything to do with it... I mean, I don't want to flatter myself unduly but I really don't think it's a lack of attraction, because we've kissed a few times before and she definitely seemed into it. I'm speculating here, but maybe she's just uncomfortable because she feels like I'm trying to get too close. In which case maybe I should a) back off a little and b) reassure her that I'm not going to try and make this a serious thing if she doesn't want, and that I'm genuinely fine with it just being a bit of fun. (This isn't a lie, I think I am. Seems pointless to expect anything more anyway).

Hopefully we'll see each other again soon anyway, we were talking about going out to a bar we both like in London next week, and for once I should actually be able to stay out and not have to travel home early... which might be good news? At this stage who f*cking knows man


----------



## asher

BucketheadRules said:


> I should a) back off a little and b) reassure her that I'm not going to try and make this a serious thing if she doesn't want, and that I'm genuinely fine with it just being a bit of fun. (This isn't a lie, I think I am. Seems pointless to expect anything more anyway).



This is exactly what to do. She sets the boundaries, you oblige. If the boundaries aren't compatible with what you're after, you leave.


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## BucketheadRules

asher said:


> This is exactly what to do. She sets the boundaries, you oblige. If the boundaries aren't compatible with what you're after, you leave.



Maybe I'm actually cleverer and more perceptive when not entirely sober  I'm definitely a worse guitar player though...


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Man, I hate to sound like an asshole, but I sort of saw this coming from way back. The only real thing to do right now is move on. From the beginning all she's ever said is that she's not interested, which was never taken at face value. It's a huge bummer no doubt, but it's sort of the tree you've been barking up.

Maybe it will help outright hearing it, maybe you'll just think I'm being a dick, but she's just not really all that into you. Stay friends if you can, but if you can't do that without trying to hold hands, kiss, whatever, then it's wisest to just cut ties because there is just nothing there.


----------



## Alberto7

Chokey Chicken said:


> Stay friends if you can, but *if you can't do that without trying to hold hands, kiss, whatever, then it's wisest to just cut ties* because there is just nothing there.



I'm not going to say it's your fault, but the above-quoted are words to live by.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Chokey Chicken said:


> it's wisest to just cut ties



How does one do this?

I'm serious, I hate it when people suggest moving on because it just seems totally impossible in the mindset I'm currently in.


----------



## MetalheadMC

BucketheadRules said:


> How does one do this?
> 
> I'm serious, I hate it when people suggest moving on because it just seems totally impossible in the mindset I'm currently in.



In all fairness, most of us warned you this would happen. In retrospect, most of us have been through a similar situation that you were in. 

If you like I her that much, continue seeing her and play to her terms. Apparently she wants the no strings type of relationship. In time if it's RIGHT, then she'll change her mind and come around to your emotions. If not, then deal with the status quo for as long as you can stand it then move on. There's more than 1 woman in this world


----------



## Ibanezsam4

BucketheadRules said:


> How does one do this?
> 
> I'm serious, I hate it when people suggest moving on because it just seems totally impossible in the mindset I'm currently in.



on the surface its really easy to do, but the difficult part is your emotions. luckily, those stumbling blocks can be overcome by gritting your teeth and sticking to your guns. 

this is how you do it: 

tell her, "hey im respecting your wish to keep things casual, but unfortunately i can't get over that i have some feelings for you, so in order to keep this from devolving into drama i think we need to cut off any flirting or kissing and anything physical. i don't want to, but you have always been honest with me about this and i don't want to hurt you because of it. sorry" 

now a few things usually happen here,

scenario 1: she kinda gets mad at about this because she liked the attention and you and her have a little tiff about it, then you both get over it, then you are a little awkward in public, then you both bang other people and get over it and its fine. 

scenario 2: she respects what you said, you feel a little awkward about it, she bangs other people and you catch up to getting over it, preferably by dating/banging other people until you meet that special someone who makes you happy. so one day you think it would be a good idea to bring that special girl around your friend group and your old fling is there. its not awkward, things seem normal. until a few months seemingly out of the blue that special girl says she knows what you two used to be and you fight about it and ultimately relent by blocking the fling girl on social media and not responding to text messages and not going to the same clubs and groups she's with.

scenario 3: same as above except the special someone doesn't give a sheeet

scenario 4: fling girl realizes her mistake and wants you like flies want cow crap. 

In my experience, 1 and 2 are the most likely, 3 seems to happen to everybody but me (i tend to be a little jealous at times so i guess i attract the same)

4 is a pipe dream; the stuff of teenage fiction. hold onto this dream at your emotional peril. if she were to ever come around it would be in the future when she wants to settle down, not when you want her. 

good luck buddy


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## Alberto7

but there's a lot of truth in it.

You can force yourself to phase her out, though that's easier said than done. Or you can try to muster the strength to talk to her and tell her you can't see her anymore. (What's been suggested above, basically) It's what I've always done, and it's always been harsh, but it's also always been better than the alternative. I think that a few things have to click in your head first - like how it's most likely that what you desire (to be with her) won't come true, how damaging and borderline self-destructive your situation is, and an overall desire of wanting to feel better about yourself - and then you'll find the drive and the will to let her go.

Honestly, if I were her and I knew how you felt, I'd let you go, simply because I don't like hurting people by playing with them. I personally think that, if she knows how you feel (which, and forgive me I have terrible memory, I forget whether she does or not), she should assume some of the responsibility and not fool around with you. However, it's also up to you not to get carried away whenever you feel like indulging yourself.

Again, this is all 'theory', so to speak, and easier said than done. Like Ibanezsam4 said, and as my mom always says, solving other people's issues is always easy - these problems actually have relatively simple solutions very often - but it can be immensely hard for the person to carry out said solutions to their problem. You still gotta try though. This is when a strong personality and having a stubborn resolve comes in handy.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Don't mind me...


----------



## flint757

Forgetting your situation with the girl completely, the fact that it bothered you at all that she was with someone else is all the evidence you need to realize you are not okay with a casual/open relationship. If you try and just go with the flow you're just going to end up hurt because of this.


----------



## Konfyouzd

BucketheadRules said:


> I was out for a drink with her tonight anyway... well, some other friends too but mainly her. Eventually they all left and it was just the two of us. I decided not to bring it up, she mentioned the other night in passing and said she was drunk AND stoned, and I didn't press for any details. Want to put it out of my head and move on really. I doubt it was anything serious, and I think my mate feels bad about it now he knows my side of the story, so hopefully it might not happen again.
> 
> It was genuinely as if nothing had happened, we were talking for ages about all sorts of things, and almost lost track of time. But then when we said goodbye, I tried to go for a kiss again and she stopped me.
> 
> She's mentioned trust issues because of stuff that's happened in her past, in fact she was talking about this stuff very openly tonight, and I wonder if this has anything to do with it... I mean, I don't want to flatter myself unduly but I really don't think it's a lack of attraction, because we've kissed a few times before and she definitely seemed into it. I'm speculating here, but maybe she's just uncomfortable because she feels like I'm trying to get too close. In which case maybe I should a) back off a little and b) reassure her that I'm not going to try and make this a serious thing if she doesn't want, and that I'm genuinely fine with it just being a bit of fun. (This isn't a lie, I think I am. Seems pointless to expect anything more anyway).
> 
> Hopefully we'll see each other again soon anyway, we were talking about going out to a bar we both like in London next week, and for once I should actually be able to stay out and not have to travel home early... which might be good news? At this stage who f*cking knows man


I'm stoned rather frequently. And I have excellent judgement when I am. In fact, the officer that arrested me 10 years ago for my possession charge told me, "Goddamn, kid. You're smart as hell. Why do you bother w this stuff?"

Mind over matter. Saying you were under the influence is an antiquated form of back pedalling. 

Trust issues because of the past... Another played out cliche. Here's a thought... Don't waste other ppl's time until YOU are ready. By refusing to do that you only create a convenient means to make your lack of success/happiness someone else's fault.


----------



## Alberto7

Alberto7 said:


> I would totally date this chick if she weren't leaving on Saturday. What a lovely person she came across as. We went for lunch and had a great time getting to know each other better. Then she had to go meet with her friend at some other place, so I went with her and kept her company while she waited for her friend to arrive.
> 
> Nothing happened, other than a rather casual holding of hands the last 10 minutes before her friend arrived. We hit it off real well while learning more about each other and got carried away, so we never got to talking about the 'date' per se by the time she left. By the time it came to me, I felt bad making any sudden moves before clearing the waters first; she's leaving way too soon, and I feel that may lead to an unnecessary and unpleasant situation. I'll see her again at least once more this week. Just gonna go with the flow and, if it feels right, I'll make a move, if not, it doesn't matter because I still got to meet a lovely new friend.
> 
> At least it makes me feel like I'm back in the game and moving forward just fine.



So we had our last karate class together today before she leaves on Saturday, and, after speaking with her, I doubt that either she or I will have any time to see each other before she leaves, so we said goodbye today. We were taking the metro after class, and I was with my sensei, and we were going opposite directions so we had to say bye then and there. After we reluctantly say bye and wish each other the best, our sensei gives her a hug, I give her a hug, and I see her face shift slightly, and she lets a tear out, but manages to stay very well composed. My heart breaks in that instant and my brain struggles to find any words. My metro arrives. On one side, I have the urgency of getting in the train that is already there and of my sensei (who, almost like a parent, I'm used to obeying without question) telling me to hurry, but, on the other side, I have this girl who is fighting the urge to bawl and my heart and brain screaming at me to stay. Idiot, stupid me, I decide to follow my immediate instincts; I follow my sensei, I go to the metro, and I go home. We just said bye again from the other side of the platform as the train takes off. Now I feel like a jackass for not having at least had the decency of keeping her company and going with her until at least her metro station.

Anyway, I'm sad because part of me tells me that if she lived here we'd hit it off real well, but I'm happy because we had some good times, I made a new good friend (and now I have a place to stay in Tokyo whenever I visit ), and I reminded myself that, as they crudely say, there's always more fish in the ocean.

I guess at least I'll give her a call before she heads to the airport on Saturday.


----------



## asher




----------



## ftr

update on the girl. we are officially dating now.


----------



## asher




----------



## Alberto7

That's great man! Congrats


----------



## TheStig1214

Alright, I've been lurking on this thread long enough. I need some help/ideas. 

Just as a bit of background, I've had 2 girlfriends, both in high school, neither terribly serious. In fact the second one was more of a FWB situation than anything. Between the two I've been in a "relationship" a little under a year of my life. 

Flash forward 3 years, I'm trying to get back into the game. Actually I've been seriously trying for about a year now. I've tried getting my one female friend to set me up with her friends, exhausted all of them. Tried OkCupid, Tinder, got a few first dates but nothing beyond that. My major at school is a total sausage fest and my hobbies (besides the obvious of "I play guitar") currently include going to work, going to school, and that's really it. 

To be honest I lean towards the introverted side of the scale. I don't drink or do parties, not my cup of tea at all. Yes, I know, this does not help my situation. 

So what the f*ck am I missing? The wizard did not teach me spiral eyes, I'm stuck with words.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Go to places where you can be social within the confines of what you find comfortable... Maybe try going out somewhere by yourself. Maybe go see a movie solo. There's no rule saying that just because you came alone you won't bump into someone either waiting in line or otherwise. Speak to people in public... Make casual observations in public... It may seem stupid to do because most casual observations seem like stating the obvious but stating the obvious sometimes seems to open up massive opportunities for conversation. Make yourself someone that seems approachable. Being an introvert may come across many ways to those outside your head. 

Getting out of your comfort zone isn't necessarily bad either so long as you choose to do things you're willing to do in the future. Never change for a person if that change won't stick. You're only trading loneliness for trouble.


----------



## russmuller

I had a somewhat frustrating evening with my girlfriend last night. When we first started dating (about 5 months ago), I was very clear about the fact that I need a lot of alone time and I'm not looking for a relationship where I am constantly with someone. She said she was on the same page, until the heartstrings got attached. Now she wants to be around me ALL the time. I enjoy her company, but sometimes I simply need solitude for my batteries to recharge or I lose touch with myself.

So last night she asked if I wanted her to come over and I declined, because I've seen her every day for the past week and was feeling a bit socially overwhelmed in the wake of various holiday celebrations. This prompted a bit of a meltdown on her part, and an outpouring of concerns about how our relationship is going to work with our needs being so misaligned. I'm coming to realize that she is A LOT more needy than she let on (which I suspect is true of a lot of people), and that my need for solitude leaves her feeling irrationally neglected.

I had to go over to her apartment and do some boyfriending to cheer her up and help guide her out of some of the negative thought patterns she was experiencing. I was glad to be able to make her feel better, but it meant I only got 3 hours of sleep and was late to work this morning. :-\

I've learned that honesty and sensitivity are not always compatible. When she says she's afraid I'll "just think this whole ordeal is a cry for attention," it took some tongue biting to not reply "That is exactly what this is. You're literally crying because you want my attention." Factually accurate, but not an effective strategy for de-escalating someone who is irrationally upset. I fear that she's going to let her concerns become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and that her clingyness is only going to increase until I feel suffocated. I'm just going to take it one day at a time, but now I'm starting to worry about the long term. How do you decide where to draw the line?


----------



## Konfyouzd

At some point you may just have to have that whole, "I need a lot of elbow room," conversation again. Maybe it's something she heard and to some extent does understand, but maybe she loses sight of the fact that you do, in fact, have these needs when she gets caught up in the way it is you make her feel. Gift and a curse, really... Continuing to reiterate it as nicely as you can when these situations arise is really the only course of action worth taking if you actually want to stay with her. As you've said, it's only been 5 months, so maybe this isn't the type of arrangements she's used to. She may have had far more contact with her previous boyfriends than even the two of you have now (despite the fact that you said you saw her every day this past week), so to her she may actually be giving you space when weighed against previous relationships. Everything is relative. 

Have you discussed her needs and such? Relationships do require two people. Did she mention that there was any particular reason that she wanted to see you so badly? Folks don't always let on that there are other things leading to them freaking out on you when you do something that seems benign. The holidays are a tumultuous time for some people. Maybe something happened with her family and you're the one she feels most comfortable with when she's feeling certain ways. Or maybe there was something in the way you expressed that you didn't want to hang out.

It can sometimes be really easy to write the significant others off as being overly emotional at times, but I can't help but wonder if sometimes there's something we're missing...


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## asher

Methinks working with her to develop coping mechanisms and break the recursive feedback mental loops that get her worked up over it - like you did, a little, I gather.

How to say... that neediness and clinginess is a symptom of something else, you just make her feel a lot better (to be expected!). Trying to find those triggers and their issues and working towards dealing with those will help this.


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## russmuller

Konfyouzd said:


> At some point you may just have to have that whole, "I need a lot of elbow room," conversation again. Maybe it's something she heard and to some extent does understand, but maybe she loses sight of the fact that you do, in fact, have these needs when she gets caught up in the way it is you make her feel. Gift and a curse, really... Continuing to reiterate it as nicely as you can when these situations arise is really the only course of action worth taking if you actually want to stay with her. As you've said, it's only been 5 months, so maybe this isn't the type of arrangements she's used to. She may have had far more contact with her previous boyfriends than even the two of you have now (despite the fact that you said you saw her every day this past week), so to her she may actually be giving you space when weighed against previous relationships. Everything is relative.
> 
> Have you discussed her needs and such? Relationships do require two people. Did she mention that there was any particular reason that she wanted to see you so badly? Folks don't always let on that there are other things leading to them freaking out on you when you do something that seems benign. The holidays are a tumultuous time for some people. Maybe something happened with her family and you're the one she feels most comfortable with when she's feeling certain ways. Or maybe there was something in the way you expressed that you didn't want to hang out.
> 
> It can sometimes be really easy to write the significant others off as being overly emotional at times, but I can't help but wonder if sometimes there's something we're missing...



You make some exceptionally valid points. I'm 9 years older than she is, so I've got a lot more relationship experience under my belt where this is her first attempt at having a real adult relationship. It's one of the more frustrating aspects of my love life that the women in my own age bracket are rarely interested.

Last night I reiterated and elaborated on my needs, but she still seems hesitant to bring herself out in the open and express things she's afraid I'll respond negatively to. I suffered long in a relationship that ignored my needs, so it's very possible that I've swung the opposite direction and become selfish in this regard. I've started a discussion with her admitting to such, and asking her what I can do to make her feel comfortable expressing her needs more openly. The better I understand where she's coming from, the better I can strategize how to effectively meet both our needs.

Your feedback has been quite valuable.


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## Konfyouzd

I have that same exact issue actually...

I dated a 19-year-old girl not long ago... I'm roughly 10 years her senior. Typically women my age act as though they have so many things to do and they're typically not doing anything. In fact, the last chick I dated would talk a bunch of noise about how she couldn't date anyone (despite seeking ME out) because she was working on her career or some such jazz. She hasn't had a real job since we parted ways... 

At any rate, the younger chick was nice because she actually seemed interested, but she also just seems to have an unrealistic expectation of adult relationships... I wake up extremely early in the morning to go to work every day. That means staying up all night being cute just isn't cute to me anymore. That means that there are days when I won't be able to hang--not because I hate you and I'm screwing someone else, but because I'm tired as hell from commuting and doing all the other things that go into making sure I have time to chill in the future.

I think it's honestly just a difference in perspective. It's something that can be overcome, though. I know a good few people dating someone much younger than them, but I think they tend to have to have a similar level of ambition--one that would lead to her needing a similar level of breathing room, or at least something in her life that makes her more readily understand the need for it.

After this one, though, I'm going to stick to hitting on women older than me. I've been trying for a while and I think I'm finally approaching the age where 40-year-old women stop saying silly things to me like, "But what would people think?" as if I care... Hell for all I know, they may just be concerned that I'm going to behave like a clingy little boy. 

There's also the opposite side of the coin. There are folks that seem to almost actively avoid the person they're with and then write them off as clingy when it upsets them. You shouldn't have to make an appointment to see your significant other. If that's the case, they clearly aren't very significant.


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## russmuller

asher said:


> Methinks working with her to develop coping mechanisms and break the recursive feedback mental loops that get her worked up over it - like you did, a little, I gather.
> 
> How to say... that neediness and clinginess is a symptom of something else, you just make her feel a lot better (to be expected!). Trying to find those triggers and their issues and working towards dealing with those will help this.



Yeah, I think she's still figuring out how to be an adult and how to manager her feelings. As a teen she had a history of self-harm and was hospitalized twice for depressive episodes, so I accept that she is prone to episodes of negative thought patterns that she feels helpless to control. I make a real effort to respond to these signs with compassion, support, and openness, but I think that I need more insight on where she's coming from and what sets off those feelings in order to be a better partner.

Whenever it happens (this is only the second time she's been really upset about something and required boyfriend triage), I always emphasize that I understand her feelings aren't a conscious choice and that I accept them regardless of how they map onto a rational picture of reality. I don't make it a goal to "fix" anyone, but I'm hopeful that I can impart some mental strategies or tools that can help her derail these patterns earlier and earlier so that she suffers less when they arise.


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## russmuller

Konfyouzd said:


> I have that same exact issue actually...
> 
> I dated a 19-year-old girl not long ago... I'm roughly 10 years her senior. Typically women my age act as though they have so many things to do and they're typically not doing anything. In fact, the last chick I dated would talk a bunch of noise about how she couldn't date anyone (despite seeking ME out) because she was working on her career or some such jazz. She hasn't had a real job since we parted ways...


Yeah, I only dated someone older than myself once but she was very immature. Typically the women I'm interested in from my own age bracket very much enjoy my friendship, but I'm consistently unable to attract them into any kind of romantic involvement. I don't get it, but I don't need to. Attraction is a very personal and irrational thing, so I don't draw conclusions about myself, them, or women at large based on my experience.



Konfyouzd said:


> At any rate, the younger chick was nice because she actually seemed interested, but she also just seems to have an unrealistic expectation of adult relationships... I wake up extremely early in the morning to go to work every day. That means staying up all night being cute just isn't cute to me anymore. That means that there are days when I won't be able to hang--not because I hate you and I'm screwing someone else, but because I'm tired as hell from commuting and doing all the other things that go into making sure I have time to chill in the future.
> 
> I think it's honestly just a difference in perspective. It's something that can be overcome, though. I know a good few people dating someone much younger than them, but I think they tend to have to have a similar level of ambition--one that would lead to her needing a similar level of breathing room, or at least something in her life that makes her more readily understand the need for it.


My girlfriend's only prior relationship experience was rather unhealthy, and she's doing her best to grow up and make sense of herself and her feelings in a healthy adult context. I think that there's a gap between the way that she wants to feel and the way she does feel, especially when those unrealistic desires/expectations meet reality. I work 5:30 AM - 4:30 PM, while she works 12:30 PM - 9 PM, so she's just getting out of work around the time I need to go to bed. It simply doesn't click for her that me staying up til midnight is like her staying up til 8 AM. There's nothing endearing about sleep deprivation.



Konfyouzd said:


> There's also the opposite side of the coin. There are folks that seem to almost actively avoid the person they're with and then write them off as clingy when it upsets them. You shouldn't have to make an appointment to see your significant other. If that's the case, they clearly aren't very significant.


I try to stay in the middle there. But I want to spend time with people I want to spend time with, not with people who simply "need" me regardless of how I feel about it. I don't need an appointment to be made, but I do need her to be gone sometimes so that I can appreciate her presence. I should note that we live in the same apartment complex and she has a key to my place, so she has access to me pretty much any time she wants.


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## Konfyouzd

I agree completely on all points.


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## Konfyouzd

russmuller said:


> Yeah, I think she's still figuring out how to be an adult and how to manager her feelings. As a teen she had a history of self-harm and was hospitalized twice for depressive episodes, so I accept that she is prone to episodes of negative thought patterns that she feels helpless to control. I make a real effort to respond to these signs with compassion, support, and openness, but I think that I need more insight on where she's coming from and what sets off those feelings in order to be a better partner.
> 
> Whenever it happens (this is only the second time she's been really upset about something and required boyfriend triage), I always emphasize that I understand her feelings aren't a conscious choice and that I accept them regardless of how they map onto a rational picture of reality. I don't make it a goal to "fix" anyone, but I'm hopeful that I can impart some mental strategies or tools that can help her derail these patterns earlier and earlier so that she suffers less when they arise.


That doesn't sound like "fixing" someone to me. That sounds like "love" to me and not in the cheesy-heart-shaped-Hallmark-card way... Like actually caring about a person enough to put in the effort required to peacefully coexist with them, helping them when they have a problem because you want to see them happy and doing well, etc. Realistically the world could use more of it be it romantic or otherwise.


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## russmuller

Konfyouzd said:


> That doesn't sound like "fixing" someone to me. That sounds like "love" to me and not in the cheesy-heart-shaped-Hallmark-card way... Like actually caring about a person enough to put in the effort required to peacefully coexist with them, helping them when they have a problem because you want to see them happy and doing well, etc. Realistically the world could use more of it be it romantic or otherwise.



I appreciate the positive encouragement.


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## Dantas

Hello, people from SS.org 

I'm not in trouble with love, but I felt this is the right place to ask you about my situation.

I'm having a big crush with a co-worker, and she sits beside me, but we have sort of a big wall between our desks. She spends the whole day on the telephone with customers, and I have way more spare time from the phone, which sometimes I try to talk with her when I can. If she isn't on the telephone, there's always other co-workers going to her to ask questions about her department. Other problem I have it's that I never had a talk with her alone, there's always somebody listening to us, since there's some people around us and sitting beside her. This situation is annoying the f...k out of me to properly approach her.

Suddenly, I found her facebook, and right away I sent her a message. Well, she said she didn't received...it's unread by her in my message box also. After some research, I found that messages from people you don't have any friends or connections in common go to a 'OTHER' folder, which is the case with us. I remember people offering shows to my band, and their messages ended is this 'OTHER' folder, since we didn't have friends in common. I spoke to her very briefly about this (she said she never knew about this 'OTHER' folder), but I had to leave for lunch and because of her phone ringing, and she didn't come to work today, so I couldn't talk further about it. She looked kinda nervous and impressed when I said about the message.

I went to my message box again just to see there's this OTHER folder available, and it's not there anymore....but there's a new one called 'MESSAGE REQUESTS', which I think my message maybe it's there in her message box.

The thing is, I don't know how I can manage to have some privacy to ask her out or anything. She's extremely introverted (and I'm very extroverted, since I'm also the person who always go to her to talk). My boss (which is a big friend of mine) says she always look to me when she passes beside my desk, and I also saw her looking to me many times, which she awkwardly looks aways and blush it. There's also an age gap between us (she's 22 and I'm 30)....sometimes she more outgoing talking to me, but most of the time she's very shy, even struttering while talking to me, or talking nervously fast.

I don't if I'm over reacting, and I only need to talk to her again, but what would be your advice to approach this situtation? Can you confirm this facebook stuff regarding messages ? It would be SO MUCH MORE EASY if my damn message was received by her. ...anyway, thanks for reading


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## Dantas

Other thing....she took away the 'add person' button from her facebook...it only says in her page to leave a message if I know her....and well, the stuff above happened....


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## High Plains Drifter

^^^ I certainly wouldn't say that your circumstances are ideal for establishing much of a connection as it's going now. Hell... I felt awkwardly nervous just reading your post lol. j/k

But I would steer clear of the whole FB thing if you're really thinking about trying to approach her about going out. Eye-contact and being able to read body-language is very important in regards to getting a genuine feel of the situation. You really need to see first and foremost if there is any chemistry ( potential chemistry) there and it doesn't seem like you've been able to accurately do that thus far. 

I suggest that you find an appropriate moment ( if only briefly) where you can just ask her if she would like to maybe go out or correspond outside of work... Even texting would be better than FB. I know you said it's hard to find a moment to be able to talk to her but at the very least you should be able to have a relatively quick and quiet conversation about this. If not then I feel for you for having a job that allows you zero time to chat with a co-worker.... although that's neither here nor there. 

If she doesn't want to then she should at least have enough backbone ( even as an introvert) to politely decline. The only thing that I might be cautious of at that point is whether you feel that it's going to make things uncomfortable at work if she declines... although sounds like you both don't have enough interaction to make that a real issue. 

I also like the idea of sending up a little quad/ drone with a "Wanna go out?" note attached to it and hovering it in her cubicle but that's just me. I'm weird like that. 

Good luck


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## Dantas

^^ Dude, great answer! Thanks for the advice, and the jokes were spot on 

I went to the FB route because it always worked 100% for me in these situations. With other girls, the FB messages made things a lot easier to make a connection, ask to go out, and make things happen (but we had friends in common, and they received my messages). Since she's the kind of person who's more extroverted online, I thought it would be the best. Hell, my last girlfriend was a girl I saw in a bar, and I knew who she was (but she didn't knew me), and I wrote her in FB saying I saw her in the bar, and we date later....I was pretty confident about using FB for this situtation.

It's been very hard to see if there's chemistry because it's hard for her to have a spare time to talk to me...I have time to chat with co-workers, but she doesn't, so I try to make the best of it. Fortunately, it will not make things uncomfortable at work if she decline to go out with me, because even though we sit side by side, she's rarely leave her desk, and I only see her because my love radar is on when she goes to the bathroom hahaha. But the few times we spoke, her body was very inclined to me, and she was the one who started to calling me by my first name...I went all silly when she said goodbye to me one day, and called my name for the first time (I would always wave goodbye more casually and far away without saying her name)....it made me start to call her by her name too, instead of only saying 'hello' or 'goodbye'.

Anyway, it all comes down to this....tomorrow I will talk briefly to her about the FB message, and ask to go out, if it feels right in the moment. I also thought about the note (it would be awesome the little quad/drone haha), but I felt she could think I was been childish writing her little notes, but thats just me maybe badly judging the situation....we will see the vibe tomorrow, and it will hopefully work fine....thanks again, High Plains Drifter, for the answer and for wishing me luck!


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## High Plains Drifter

Always, brotha! 

Sounds like you have a pretty good handle on things. Hope that she is receptive. Quiet/ introverted girls are my thing. Hell.. I'm marrying one next year! 

No idea why but taken out of context I found this to be very funny for whatever reason- 

*"...I only see her because my love radar is on when she goes to the bathroom..." *

Anyway- Update this thread as you see fit. You sound like a really decent guy.


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## vividox

Everything above sounds good... but I just want to throw the cynical POV in there too: Don't poop where you eat. Romance at the workplace can really bite you if things go south.


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## Konfyouzd

^

I need a paycheck more than I need cuddles...


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## piggins411

Perhaps you should just ask her to a friendly lunch in person. Wouldn't that be pretty simple?


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## Dantas

High Plains Drifter said:


> Always, brotha!
> 
> Sounds like you have a pretty good handle on things. Hope that she is receptive. Quiet/ introverted girls are my thing. Hell.. I'm marrying one next year!
> 
> No idea why but taken out of context I found this to be very funny for whatever reason-
> 
> *"...I only see her because my love radar is on when she goes to the bathroom..." *
> 
> Anyway- Update this thread as you see fit. You sound like a really decent guy.




If I have a pretty good handle on these things, it's about learning after going through some emotional s**t storms in the last 4 years with relationships....I did some therapy which helped me a lot, and now my head is in a good space, which allows me to be natural and outgoing with women in general. And congratulations with your engagement! 

Hahaha, yes, when she leaves her desk and go to the bathroom it's the moment I have a glimpse of her...but feel free to take it out of context 

Let's see the next episodes of this story, I will update if something happens!


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## Dantas

vividox said:


> Everything above sounds good... but I just want to throw the cynical POV in there too: Don't poop where you eat. Romance at the workplace can really bite you if things go south.



Yes, I know that well...I already had two relationships in the workplace...the first was fine and ended up well, but the second one.....OMG, it was nightmare....but, I'm ready to f....k it up again


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## Dantas

piggins411 said:


> Perhaps you should just ask her to a friendly lunch in person. Wouldn't that be pretty simple?



Pretty simple, but she works half time, and only have an half hour of lunch, which she goes too soon, almost in the morning yet...I go to lunch at afternoon (around 1:30 PM) and have almost 2 hours of it, but she leaves the job around my lunch. I don't like going sooner because the restaurants are too crowded.

Even if I invite her for lunch, I will have few minutes with her, and to me, I need to invite her for dinner to have plenty of time, and go for it on the first date....that's how I roll


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## flint757

If she's an introvert like you said though she might be more receptive to a super quick lunch date as a dry run. If it goes well it's the perfect opportunity to ask about a real date. You might be better off sucking it up and just going at that time. If it isn't enough you could always come back afterwards, do some more work, then leave again at your normal time for lunch.


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## Dantas

^^ That was a good suggestion too, maybe she will be less intimidated for sure. Since she's younger than me, I don't know if the more incisive approach I have with older girls will be received that well with her....I'm going slower with this one for sure.

I spoke to her again this morning, and she really didn't received my message. I confirmed with her if I was sending to the right profile, and even sent a new message while talking to her, but she didn't received again. Then we started talking about a Comic Con she's going this weekend (which is not really my kind of thing, but she was excited to talk about that), but as usual, we were interrupted by her supervisor, who needed to talk to her.

This whole FB ordeal is showing me that I was too confortable with the previous girls, and maybe I need to learn a lesson or two about approaching someone without using technology haha. At least I have new reasons to ask her out, since I can't even contact her in FB.


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## High Plains Drifter

Dantas said:


> And congratulations with your engagement!



Lol Thanks bro. I'm really nervous. I've tried for the last 3 years to convince her that I'm no good, and that she should find someone closer to her age, and that she deserves a richer better-looking dude than me... but alas, she still proclaims to this day that we are meant for each other and all that stuff. The wedding is more or less planned aside from my two best friends that are competing for role of best-man. 

Idk.. I surely am not going to go into all of it here or this post would become a fairly dramatic novel lol but idk... I guess it's scary. She and I both come from parents that were divorced and I guess I have this inherent concern that with marriage comes stress and issues. I know that's not necessarily right but I'm still nervous. I just don't want to mess up her life. 



Dantas said:


> ^^ That was a good suggestion too, maybe she will be less intimidated for sure. Since she's younger than me, I don't know if the more incisive approach I have with older girls will be received that well with her....I'm going slower with this one for sure.
> 
> I spoke to her again this morning, and she really didn't received my message. I confirmed with her if I was sending to the right profile, and even sent a new message while talking to her, but she didn't received again. Then we started talking about a Comic Con she's going this weekend (which is not really my kind of thing, but she was excited to talk about that), but as usual, we were interrupted by her supervisor, who needed to talk to her.
> 
> This whole FB ordeal is showing me that I was too confortable with the previous girls, and maybe I need to learn a lesson or two about approaching someone without using technology haha. At least I have new reasons to ask her out, since I can't even contact her in FB.



I don't think that "speed" should be a concern. If there's a spark or a connection then it becomes much easier to allow things to flow naturally at whatever speed it goes. Just have to gauge her comfort and interest level. It should be apparent pretty quick if she's digging on your affectionate advances or if she feels uncomfortable and unreceptive. Too many dudes don't (or can't) seem to read the woman's body language. So many times the woman tries to be nice ( yet doesn't really want to crush the dude's heart) so they don't outright refuse the dudes advances. When there is no consideration taken on the dudes part then it just becomes a very uncomfortable downward spiral until she ultimately has to stomp on his blissfully ignorant perception ( or lack of perception lol). 

Yea man... social media can really create a "comfort zone" that becomes more of a crutch than an asset if not tempered with real-life social interaction. It can be a valuable means to initially connect or bridge the gap regarding conflicting schedules, etc... but it can also spell disaster as the two people aren't really seeing each other as they truly are. It also allows for a lot more insincerity and dishonesty. 

Have a great day, man. Gotta go see if my new guitar is here yet!!!


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## Dantas

^^I know this fear regarding engagment/marriage coming from people who had divorced parents (my parents are divorced too). I have myself this kind of fear, and my last relationship ended mostly because I was running away of making a real connection with the girl...I was more interested in my personal life, and she was having some troubles that I couldn't really help (mostly money), so I was more into being independent from this kind of stuff, and she broke up with me in the end, which was totally fine.

As long the couple share the same energy and fellings (which wasn't my case above), things will end fine, doesn't matter the problem. I know the mistakes my parents made, and the best part it's that I know I will not repeat them. 

You should live the moment, and make plans for your future, but you shouldn't stress about issues you don't know how will happen, and if will happen. To live on without these fears, it's the best step to make your future great. Life will throw some problems to us to resolve, but it's important to our personal growth to solve them...I can say for myself I had some terrible things in my life this year (one of them involving my grandfather suicide), but I'm not sad looking back, or looking forward with fear...I feel great for been in such a good headspace to deal with this, and live on honoring the good things I lived with my grandfather, and even let myself surprisingly having the crush for this girl now amidst the things that happenned....so let it go, and make plans for the future, but don't worry too much.....and yeah, enjoy your new guitar for sure! 

Regarding my crush, my boss was telling me other day to have attention to her body language too, and I have to say I never really gave a lot of thought about it. It depends on the moment, but she had moments where she was more inclined to me, and other ones she's was more away, so I get a 50/50 situation of this. Today we started to make a better connection when she was talking about her stuff, but as usual, we were cut off by her job obligations. Anyway, she will be off from the job tomorrow, so I will have to wait next week until we meet again....but yeah, social media at the moment it's out of question haha.


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## Konfyouzd

Body language often says far more than what comes out of a person's mouth. That's what I listen to first and foremost. It can sometimes be a good indicator of whether or not a persons intentions are genuine, but that isn't always the case. Some bullsh!tters are aware of the fact that they may come across folks who see through them.


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## ASoC

^ To be totally honest, knowledge of body language is what makes me a very good liar. Not trying to say that I lie all the time either, I'm actually the kind of guy that people think of as a dick because I have a tendency to always speak honestly. I'm never rude or mean though, I'm a really nice guy, I just happen to think honest and open communication trumps a lot of concerns over feelings and such.

Update on my love life, since I haven't posted in here in a pretty long time:

After my last gf broke up with me a little over a year ago, I finally got back into dating during the summer. After having numerous dates and sexual encounters with some girls and not finding that same spark that I had with my last gf, I've finally met a girl that I really like. She's beautiful (and a blue-eyed Mexican, like me!) She's smart, she thinks I'm funny, conversation flows easily and I find myself laughing a lot (and actually using my brain). She's 18 and I'm 21, and if experience tells me anything, it's that I'm probably going to be very happy for a while. The best part? I can tell she's totally into me (and we've pretty much admitted to each other that the attraction is very mutual).


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## asher

Awesome man! All the best of luck for you two


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## Konfyouzd

ASoC said:


> ^ To be totally honest, knowledge of body language is what makes me a very good liar. Not trying to say that I lie all the time either, I'm actually the kind of guy that people think of as a dick because I have a tendency to always speak honestly. I'm never rude or mean though, I'm a really nice guy, I just happen to think honest and open communication trumps a lot of concerns over feelings and such.
> 
> Update on my love life, since I haven't posted in here in a pretty long time:
> 
> After my last gf broke up with me a little over a year ago, I finally got back into dating during the summer. After having numerous dates and sexual encounters with some girls and not finding that same spark that I had with my last gf, I've finally met a girl that I really like. She's beautiful (and a blue-eyed Mexican, like me!) She's smart, she thinks I'm funny, conversation flows easily and I find myself laughing a lot (and actually using my brain). She's 18 and I'm 21, and if experience tells me anything, it's that I'm probably going to be very happy for a while. The best part? I can tell she's totally into me (and we've pretty much admitted to each other that the attraction is very mutual).



I agree. And to paraphrase asher... Godspeed, sir!


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## BucketheadRules

Now this is where things have the potential to get interesting.

I'm still talking to the girl I've been moaning about on here for a while, we're still friends and we hang out, I'm trying to deal with my feelings for her though because I'm fairly sure nothing's gonna happen.

I'm playing a pretty important gig tomorrow night, which I'm looking forward to. I told her about it at least a couple of weeks ago and she said she'd come, and I was really excited about that. But then tonight she told me she "might skip it" but that she'd text me when she knew what she wanted to do. I was pretty put out, of course, but responded with good grace.

But then, sort-of to take my mind off that but also because I've been meaning to for a couple of days anyway, I texted another girl I met in the summer when we did a musical together, she's really sweet and... I definitely would  She always seems really keen to talk to me as well, which is nice. I just sent her a quick text but then she called me, and we chatted for a little while... and I mentioned the gig I'm doing tomorrow, and she expressed an interest in coming. Then very soon after we hung up, she texted me again expressing even more of an interest in coming, and in making other plans to see each other too. So she might come, which is really cool.

But...

What if the other girl comes too, after all? And they meet? I mean... it's not as if there's anything actually going on with me and either of them, but I guess sh*t still has the potential to hit the fan. If the "new" girl meets the "old" girl, she might think there's something going on when there isn't (apart from my feelings which I'm trying to get over anyway, in which case inviting her along seems like a dumb move but whatever, it's been talked about for a few weeks). And the "old" girl might think I'm trying to make her jealous, which would make me look like a dick (and it's not the case anyway).

Do you see my problem?

More importantly, can you advise?


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## High Plains Drifter

No... I don't see a problem in the least.

If new girl comes... great/ maybe something real will develop. 
If old girl comes... so what?/ doesn't seem like she is really feeling it ( sorry man but true). 
If they both come.. Yeehaw! That's awesome/ potential chick fight! ( j/k lol). 

Seriously... There's no reason nor any productive resolution in you worrying about this. The one chick is being wishy-washy and if she can't deal with the fact that you have other girls [possibly] pining for your affections, or that are friends with you ( as it's not as if you're in a relationship with new girl) then that speaks volumes of her [lack of] character. People are gonna think what they wanna think. If OG makes some conclusion that you're trying to make her jealous by having NG attend your gig, then so what. She can think what she wants. If she's bothered by it then you can bet that you'll hear about it. Still... no reason at all to feel as if you might look like a dick to either of 'em. I guarantee that probably both OG and NG have BOTH acted similarly with dudes... regardless, you ain't doing anything wrong and if they both show up at the gig then so be it. 

It's gonna all happen however it's meant to happen- Rules of new-love 101. 

Peace!


----------



## BucketheadRules

Thanks dude.

I'm going off "old girl" by the hour to be honest. I should have been smarter than to allow myself to develop feelings because she's still going out all the time with or without me, presumably sleeping around (but not with me) and seems to think I'm some kind of f*cking idiot. Can't be arsed with putting up with it any more really... it's a shame because when we're actually together, talking, we get on like a house on fire... and I do still want to f*ck her, but I'm sick of being taken for a dumbass by someone who clearly doesn't care as much about me as I do (did?) about her.


----------



## Alberto7

^






Just be careful with this:



BucketheadRules said:


> *it's a shame because when we're actually together, talking, we get on like a house on fire...*



Don't entertain that thought too much, or it'll grab you like a fish hook and keep you, well... hooked.  If you're going the route you're going (which I think is great, personally), better to just brush it off altogether.


----------



## russmuller

Konfyouzd said:


> It can sometimes be really easy to write the significant others off as being overly emotional at times, but I can't help but wonder if sometimes there's something we're missing...



So my situation has developed slightly, and the signs are not good. I noticed over the past week that my girlfriend had stayed home from work pretty much every day. I asked if she still had a job, and she said she doesn't know. She just hates her job so much, and gets so much stress/anxiety from it that she simply doesn't want to go any more. They've had about half their workforce quit in the past 3 months, so it's clearly a bad place to be, but this doesn't seem like a wise strategy.

It seems to me like she's battling a bout of depression, and I'm definitely nervous about how this is going to play out. I am naturally sympathetic and supportive, but if she loses her job and can't pay her rent, I'm not about to start paying her bills. I don't want to see her on the streets, but I think that letting her move into my place would be the start of a death spiral for our relationship.

As things between us have grown over the past few months, I get the impression that I started this relationship with a facade (hers) which is being slowly stripped away over time. To some degree, I think that's true of most people when dating because you want to put your best foot forward. But it started when "I'm okay with an open relationship" became "I'm not okay with an open relationship" (I hadn't dated or slept with anyone else, but she did). She'd always said "I never want to get married or have kids" and now she sometimes entertains herself by trying to come up with the best playlist for our wedding. It used to be "I'm very independent and I need lots of alone time too!" and now it's "I don't like to be alone, and I always want to be around you."

So what kills me in all this is that we're reaching a point where the relationship we both said we wanted when starting out is very different from the one we're having. I'm not sure how much of this is the influence of mental illness and how much is simply that we're not as good a match as it seemed at first. I believe the latter is probably true given the signs I'm seeing. All things being equal the rational part of brain is ready to pull the EJECT lever, but I feel like doing so now would be like kicking someone when they're down. I'm not in a hurry to reach a conclusion, but if she continues along this path and I keep seeing warning signs, I'm going to have to break up with her. :-\


----------



## broj15

I feel bad for posting this because I feel like I only ever come to this thread to vent, and never have any advice to offer or good news to share, but here I am yet again.

So after 2 months of no contact with the girl I mentioned in my last post here We decided to meet up and talk last night. Last time I saw her she said that she would get a hold of me "soon". Like I said, that was 2 months ago. I took that to mean that she was no longer interested so I did my best to remove myself from the situation and tried (in vain) not to think of her. Late last week she ran into a friend of mine and asked him for my number, saying that her old phone broke and she lost my number. He knows the situation so of course he was hesitant to give it to her without talking to me first. I took a couple days to think things through and had my friend send her a few messages on facebook (since I don't have one) to try and see what her angle/end game was. Here is more or less her reply


> the more i think about it the more I feel like I'm the worst thing for him. But selfishly I miss him and want to see him or talk to him or anything really, But I don't want to just show up at his work or force him to see me if he doesn't want to. Contrary to what everyone thinks, and contrary to what my actions have shown I really do care about him a whole hell of a lot. I just wanted to give him the option if that's even a good idea


After reading that I figured she had some things to say to me and that it would be best if we did meet up so I told him to send her my number and the next day I got a text from her. We decided to meet up the next time we were both free which was last night. 

We had a pretty heavy conversation about us and everything that's gone on between us since we met and everything that's been going on in our lives separately since we last spoke. Basically she said that hasn't felt any better about anything since we last spoke and if anything she feels worse. She also said that she's missed me and has tried to put me out of her mind to no avail because "there's just something about you that I can't figure out and can't seem to shake". I told her that if she still thinks about me after all this time then maybe there's a reason for that and she agreed. She decided that she still wants to see me regularly and that this time around she can promise me consistency.

After we both said whatever we felt we should say we both relaxed a bit and the conversation got a bit more light hearted (I don't think I saw her stop smiling the rest of the time we were together, and she laughed quite a bit as well) after which she said that she really missed this (as in just the two of us sitting and talking about nothing). At this point she started giving me all the signals that she wanted me to kiss her (touching my face, long periods of eye contact interrupted by glancing at my lips, etc.) however when I went for it she pulled back at the absolute last second (we came as close as we physically could without actually doing it, which of course fvcking killed me) and said that the next time she kisses me she wants it to be "with such conviction". Repeat the process for the next 2 hours (us talking about nothing, her getting all touchy feely, only to back out at the last second). She finally said "if I don't leave I'm either going to kiss you or go insane."

tl;dr: I guess i will give her one more chance and see how it goes. Honestly at this point all I can do is hope for the best while expecting the worst. I don't really need much advice, as I'm getting it from all my friends already (bail and forget her, which I admit is the logical thing to do), but it's slow at work and I needed someone to vent to.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

russmuller said:


> So my situation has developed slightly, and the signs are not good. I noticed over the past week that my girlfriend had stayed home from work pretty much every day. I asked if she still had a job, and she said she doesn't know. She just hates her job so much, and gets so much stress/anxiety from it that she simply doesn't want to go any more. They've had about half their workforce quit in the past 3 months, so it's clearly a bad place to be, but this doesn't seem like a wise strategy.
> 
> It seems to me like she's battling a bout of depression, and I'm definitely nervous about how this is going to play out. I am naturally sympathetic and supportive, but if she loses her job and can't pay her rent, I'm not about to start paying her bills. I don't want to see her on the streets, but I think that letting her move into my place would be the start of a death spiral for our relationship.
> 
> As things between us have grown over the past few months, I get the impression that I started this relationship with a facade (hers) which is being slowly stripped away over time. To some degree, I think that's true of most people when dating because you want to put your best foot forward. But it started when "I'm okay with an open relationship" became "I'm not okay with an open relationship" (I hadn't dated or slept with anyone else, but she did). She'd always said "I never want to get married or have kids" and now she sometimes entertains herself by trying to come up with the best playlist for our wedding. It used to be "I'm very independent and I need lots of alone time too!" and now it's "I don't like to be alone, and I always want to be around you."
> 
> So what kills me in all this is that we're reaching a point where the relationship we both said we wanted when starting out is very different from the one we're having. I'm not sure how much of this is the influence of mental illness and how much is simply that we're not as good a match as it seemed at first. I believe the latter is probably true given the signs I'm seeing. All things being equal the rational part of brain is ready to pull the EJECT lever, but I feel like doing so now would be like kicking someone when they're down. I'm not in a hurry to reach a conclusion, but if she continues along this path and I keep seeing warning signs, I'm going to have to break up with her. :-\



that last part is key. if you cannot be there for her 100% then you are ultimately going to do more harm than good hanging in there and not doing what's best for you... it sounds sh!tty but those warning signs are important to pay attention to


----------



## flint757

JMO but her depression won't get better if she is allowed to mooch off of you. It's easy to fall into the trap of helplessness and its even harder to pull yourself out of it when you can rely on someone else to pick up all the pieces for you. Not saying her depression will improve on her own, but even in my own experience when I was feeling amotivational I felt even less motivated when I knew that food would still be on the table and I'd still have a roof over my head even if I just crawled into bed and didn't get up for awhile. It's an easy crutch to lean too heavily on if it's allowed to happen. If you help you definitely need to make her keep up with her self and her bills and whatnot whether she feels like it or not, or else you'll be left in the awkward position of having to dump her/kick her out while she's going through an emotionally rough time. That isn't an easy thing to do.


----------



## Konfyouzd

So this chick told me that she needs to distance herself from me because she feels like she's beginning to develop feelings for me and doesn't think it's healthy since she has a husband...

We were friends before this...

I should probably tell her to check her privilege. Clearly she befriended me just to zooma zoom zoom in my boom boom and now she's punishing me for her own feelings!

   (I hope you get the reference)

She really did say that, though...


----------



## russmuller

flint757 said:


> JMO but her depression won't get better if she is allowed to mooch off of you. It's easy to fall into the trap of helplessness and its even harder to pull yourself out of it when you can rely on someone else to pick up all the pieces for you. Not saying her depression will improve on her own, but even in my own experience when I was feeling amotivational I felt even less motivated when I knew that food would still be on the table and I'd still have a roof over my head even if I just crawled into bed and didn't get up for awhile. It's an easy crutch to lean too heavily on if it's allowed to happen. If you help you definitely need to make her keep up with her self and her bills and whatnot whether she feels like it or not, or else you'll be left in the awkward position of having to dump her/kick her out while she's going through an emotionally rough time. That isn't an easy thing to do.



Agreed. I wish the line between supporting and enabling were more clearly defined.


----------



## russmuller

Konfyouzd said:


> So this chick told me that she needs to distance herself from me because she feels like she's beginning to develop feelings for me and doesn't think it's healthy since she has a husband...
> 
> We were friends before this...
> 
> I should probably tell her to check her privilege. Clearly she befriended me just to zooma zoom zoom in my boom boom and now she's punishing me for her own feelings!
> 
> (I hope you get the reference)
> 
> She really did say that, though...



trololololol

That kind of stinks though. Sorry to hear that. Hopefully she's able to manage those feelings and have things return to normal without too much awkwardness or suffering.


----------



## Kwert

My relationship with my lady, whom I love more than anything, has taken a turn southward in recent weeks. It seems to be on the ropes right now - on Saturday night we agreed to give each other some space and not talk for a few days. Last night she texted me, asking if we could meet for breakfast on Thursday morning. We made plans and I told her I missed her lots, to no response. I just keep feeling like Thursday morning will be the last time I see her... I just hope she doesn&#8217;t break up with me inside a cafe...


----------



## BlackMastodon

Well sh*t, sorry to hear that, man. Hope you guys can work it out.


----------



## Konfyouzd

russmuller said:


> trololololol
> 
> That kind of stinks though. Sorry to hear that. Hopefully she's able to manage those feelings and have things return to normal without too much awkwardness or suffering.



She appears to have disappeared... That kinda sucks.


----------



## Alberto7

^ Never been on the receiving end of that one (not that I know of anyway), but I've certainly done it myself... sucks for both sides. As long as it's for the best, the thought alone should serve as some relief.



Kwert said:


> My relationship with my lady, whom I love more than anything, has taken a turn southward in recent weeks. It seems to be on the ropes right now - on Saturday night we agreed to give each other some space and not talk for a few days. Last night she texted me, asking if we could meet for breakfast on Thursday morning. We made plans and I told her I missed her lots, to no response. I just keep feeling like Thursday morning will be the last time I see her... I just hope she doesnt break up with me inside a cafe...



Makes me sad reading this.  Hope everything is fine in the end man. Let us know.


----------



## naw38

Okay. I need advice that I'm not going to listen to because I know I'm just going to keep pining after her anyway BUT! I still need advice.

So I met this girl on Tinder a few weeks back. We arrange early in the week to meet on Sunday for a drink and sex, it's the only night she's free. But we're getting along really well over the internet, so she cancels her plans and we end up meeting up on Friday for a drink. Goes really well, we made out for ages, fooled around in the park. Text heaps after.

The next night, my wife suggests I invite her over to our side of town, so I do so, and she actually came to my side of town, that's like an hour and a half on the trains. Same thing goes down. My mate gave me heaps of .... for making out with girl in our local pub where anybody could see, and it may have been the wrong decision, but .... it, it's mine.

Sunday morning, I'm at work, she messages me, saying she only wanted a one night stand and not a relationship and she cancels on me. Very sad, I like her quite a bit. Honestly wasn't hugely invested in the idea of a relationship at that point, but as soon as she said it I was caught. But I understand - she is four months out of a five year relationship and kind of young. She tells me that she thought she could do friends with benefits, but can't. Tells me she's not ruling out sleeping with me(actually, at this point she started using the term "intimate") but she just can't do it that night.

Not long after, she invites me out for dinner. I ask if it's a date, and she says she's still figuring it out. She ends up cancelling cause she gets called in for work(again, I understand, the first night we met, she told me all about her work schedule and I commented that it was pretty much a miracle we got to meet), but we keep chatting, flirting like crazy. Even talking on the phone. 

Then the weekend happened - she went to a weekend rave and didn't text at all then came back and tells me Monday that she's been avoiding texting because she doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now. Tells me, after I asked, that she would definitely consider a relationship with me when she is ready. So now on the odd occasion where we do talk over the internet it's very curt, and quick. 

But I'm seeing her next Wednesday for drinks at her place, and we've made plans to chat over the phone tomorrow. I'm pretty wrecked over this - it's so hard for me to meet people that I can even make chit chat with, I have trouble understanding people a lot of the time. But when we're talking and things were going well, we were like this amazing, tsunami level of power comedic duo. That made out lots. Also I'm stupid. 

Five out of six respondents think I'm stupid for continuing to see her.

EDIT: It should be noted that I feel like she is somewhat conflicted and with the right amount of patience/persistence/understanding/respect I should eventually get to relationship town. It should also be noted that ever since all this went down my alcohol problem has been greatly exacerbated and I've had Porcupine Tree and Tesseract on constant repeat.


----------



## Bodes

Two weeks ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 7+ years. I feel fantastic for myself, as I needed to escape that relationship, and want some sound advice.


I signed a lease for a place today, move in next weekend (staying with parents right now), the place is within my budget for living on my own with the dogs, so I don't think money should be an issue, but I just want some advice on meeting new friends as I feel I have isolated myself for too long from people due to the relationship.

The main reason is, my good friends live well over an hours drive each way away from my new place and know that we'll catch up on weekends, but I certainly know that it will get tiring for us to meet up when I want to get out say mid-week.

I just do not want my habit of going to work, going home to the missus and that is kind of it life, for which I have become accustomed to over the past year, to turn me into a hobbit now that I think I will have the time and freedom to go out.

tl;dr version: 2 hour round trip to see mates ain't gonna cut it. Bodes needs friendship advice.


----------



## naw38

Alcohol and the internet? It's worked for me for the last five years.


----------



## Bodes

^ yeah, not sure if that will work for me. The last few months have been too much booze, internet and TV. I kinda want that to reduce now I'm out.


----------



## naw38

I don't know man. Join a sports club? Contrary to Radiohead, meeting people is not easy. 
I'm sure that if you are some sort of social creature then just hanging around cafes or bars in your area will allow you to meet new people.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

i second the call to join a sports club. im married, but still wanted to meet more people and have a small something i could do just for myself. 

so i joined a rugby club. 

i don't take part in all the drunken debauchery (not where i am in life anymore) but i could see it being way more fun and appealing for a single guy such as yourself


----------



## MetalheadMC

Bodes said:


> Two weeks ago I broke up with my girlfriend of 7+ years. I feel fantastic for myself, as I needed to escape that relationship, and want some sound advice.
> 
> 
> I signed a lease for a place today, move in next weekend (staying with parents right now), the place is within my budget for living on my own with the dogs, so I don't think money should be an issue, but I just want some advice on meeting new friends as I feel I have isolated myself for too long from people due to the relationship.
> 
> The main reason is, my good friends live well over an hours drive each way away from my new place and know that we'll catch up on weekends, but I certainly know that it will get tiring for us to meet up when I want to get out say mid-week.
> 
> I just do not want my habit of going to work, going home to the missus and that is kind of it life, for which I have become accustomed to over the past year, to turn me into a hobbit now that I think I will have the time and freedom to go out.
> 
> tl;dr version: 2 hour round trip to see mates ain't gonna cut it. Bodes needs friendship advice.



I'm in the same boat as you are. I just moved into my own place after a 4 year relationship 3 weeks ago. 

I'll just say give it time. Things come a lot clearer when you have a place of your own to think and rest. 

If you have the funds, and the access, do as posted above and join classes, clubs, even online Yolo clubs that may meet in your area every so often to meet new people. Best of luck


----------



## Alberto7

So it was my old roommate's birthday yesterday. Naturally, however, I avoided contact with her and I didn't give her my wishes; I didn't think I could handle it yet after everything that happened, but she was still on my mind quite a bit more than usual.

With that said, I am pretty sure I saw her at my metro station yesterday afternoon when I was going to training. She was meeting up with some girl (whose face resulted familiar) at the station. My station sees quite a bit of traffic, so it's no surprise one of her friends would live near me, or that they decided to meet there. Then again, I wasn't sure whether it was her or not, because she had a baggy hoodie over her head and a baggy jacket on. I found it odd enough to see someone trying so hard to hide their face and keep such a low profile when they were meeting up with someone (you know, usually one tries to keep their face exposed to be recognized), but she also had the exact same gait when walking. I walked past her on my way down the escalators, and the train was already waiting there. As I walked towards the train, I tried to look back several times to try and see her face, but she kept looking away. She was right behind me when I got in the train, but she avoided getting in, presumably after seeing me. Again, I am not 100% sure if it was her because I didn't see her face clearly at all, but same clothes, same body shape, same ethnicity, same gait, and odd behavior made me paranoid. [EDIT]Forgot to mention that what made me think it was her in the first place was that she carrying the same, exact beat up backpack that she carried around literally everywhere and the exact same shoes she'd bought the last day I saw her.[/EDIT] Perhaps I thought it was her because she was on my mind more than she's been the last couple of months (birthday and all). All I know is that, at the moment, I was totally convinced it was her.

After the train took off, my legs were shaking like cooked noodles, I suddenly got irrationally angry, and my anxiety got triggered pretty badly. Had some pretty messed up dreams about her last night, too, and my mood is pretty rank today. Whether the person I saw was her or not, it just confirms that I am absolutely and 100% not ready to have any kind of contact with her, even after over 3 months of not seeing or hearing from her... Jesus.

... not sure why I felt the need to share that, but yeah.


----------



## chaneisa

naw38 said:


> ...The next night, *my wife* suggests I invite her over to our side of town, so I do so, and she actually came to my side of town, that's like an hour and a half on the trains. Same thing goes down. My mate gave me heaps of .... for making out with girl in our local pub where anybody could see, and it may have been the wrong decision, but .... it, it's mine....



I'm semi-confused here.


----------



## TheHandOfStone

Sounds like an open relationship.


----------



## chaneisa

I suppose I'm just used to associating open relationships with also not wanting to get married.


----------



## AndruwX

Who wants to be my friend?
I live in NJ, maybe we can play some guitar together.

...no, I'm not joking, I don't have friends. At least not here.


----------



## naw38

chaneisa said:


> I suppose I'm just used to associating open relationships with also not wanting to get married.



Polyamorous, rather than open, since we date other people and not just bang them. We got married young and truth be told we'd probably not have gotten married if we got together later in our lives. Not cause we're not happy, just disagree with the idea of the institution.


----------



## BlackMastodon

The only good thing I had going on in my life right now might have ended last night. F*ck...


----------



## chaneisa

BlackMastodon said:


> The only good thing I had going on in my life right now might have ended last night. F*ck...



What happened, if I may ask?


----------



## BlackMastodon

chaneisa said:


> What happened, if I may ask?


Bit of a long story and I don't really like going too far into personal stuff in this thread (just posting vague high school-level emo stuff I guess ) but I'll sum it up a bit.

I used to work for one of the Big 3 in automotive in Michigan for a little over a year but absolutely hated it. When I quit back in June, I moved out to Los Angeles and lived with my best friend and looked for work out there. Couldn't find anything and another of my best friends was getting married in October back home in Ontario, so I just moved back home and stuck around, not wanting to blow the rest of my money flying back and forth and living in LA. I haven't been able to find a job locally since then either and it's really wearing me down. I've applied to about 25 jobs online since April and only gotten a few emails back or phone interviews. I even got my Smart Serve (basically a license to handle liquor in Ontario) so I can work part time in a bar or something, just to have some income again and not go out of my mind but that hasn't panned out either. I've also barely exercised since I've been back from California. On top of all this, the change of seasons is making my depression come in really hard at times.

Now for the only good thing going on right now part. I've been seeing this girl, basically since I've been back in my home town (mid-Octoberish). Her and I have a good amount of history and realized we both had strong feelings for each other before I left. This isn't the first time we were seeing each other, but this has been the longest we've been together in some way. Problem is, I'm realizing that I've had one foot in and one foot out of the door so to speak since we've been seeing each other (notice how I keep avoiding the word "dating"...). I'm 24 and she's 25, we both live at home, she used to live on her own since she was 18 so living at home isn't ideal for her and she really wants to move out, I also really want to move out but I need a job to do that, she works part time but hates it and is still looking for another job. These things kind of pile up and make things difficult for us (harder to be intimate and completely comfortable around each other when we have to tip-toe around my parents being home, we're too old for this sh*t). Things have been a bit rocky the last few weeks and they finally reached a boiling point early Saturday morning during a phone call. 

I've been single for so long I forgot how to be anything but independent, and I keep using past bad experience as a crutch. We sort of worked through it but I have a lot of stuff I need to work on and I need to fully commit to the relationship for it to work (duh). So I guess I got a second (probably third or fourth, really) chance and I'm gonna try like hell to hang on to it.


----------



## naw38

Well, it sounds like you know exactly what you need to do and have the opportunity to do it. You'll be fine mate! You can do it! 

Lady I fancy just confirmed that we're going out for dinner tomorrow night. Trying hard not to squee like a school girl.


----------



## kamello

''when are you going to man-up and stop with your depression bullsh1t or crying like a girl?''

that was the sh_i_t that my mother told me after getting up late at night feeling terrible and wandering around our home

I've been feeling pretty down lately. Saw the girl I mentioned on page 435 (post #10853) but it will definitely be the last time, the toll it has taken on me it's just too big to just continue with that crap. The girl let afloat the best, and the worst out of me, and as I said on my first post regarding her; all her issues just keep making me terribly sad, and Im just exhausted of never being able to have a normal, loving relationship, to support and be supported.


Aside from that; my godmother has tried to kill herself numerous times this year after she divorced (the closest family member I have, since I rarely see my dad and it's just hard to be close to him, and my mom comes up with gems like the one I posted above) I saw my biggest cousin, someone who is just like a big brother to me, crying and confessing to me how he and his brothers are just waiting for her mother to die so they can start living calmly again

University has been hell with finals, and with that sh_i_t in my head I just can't keep up, which is a shame since I was having an awesome streak



anyways, got enough saved to buy myself a piano keyboard, hopefully that will bring me some joy after feeling a bit stagnant with guitar. Also, I'll try to met new people during summer (yes, it's summer here  ) Tinder so far has been a failure though. Got a pretty good ammount of matches and phone numbers. But every time we set a date, girls backed out before it happened


aghh. I feel like Im just rambling a bit of everything, it's 4:15 AM here so Im just tired


----------



## Ibanezsam4

BlackMastodon said:


> I used to work for one of the Big 3 in automotive in Michigan for a little over a year but absolutely hated it. When I quit back in June, I moved out to Los Angeles and lived with my best friend and looked for work out there. Couldn't find anything and another of my best friends was getting married in October back home in Ontario, so I just moved back home and stuck around, not wanting to blow the rest of my money flying back and forth and living in LA. I haven't been able to find a job locally since then either and it's really wearing me down. I've applied to about 25 jobs online since April and only gotten a few emails back or phone interviews. I even got my Smart Serve (basically a license to handle liquor in Ontario) so I can work part time in a bar or something, just to have some income again and not go out of my mind but that hasn't panned out either. I've also barely exercised since I've been back from California. On top of all this, the change of seasons is making my depression come in really hard at times.
> 
> Now for the only good thing going on right now part. I've been seeing this girl, basically since I've been back in my home town (mid-Octoberish). Her and I have a good amount of history and realized we both had strong feelings for each other before I left. This isn't the first time we were seeing each other, but this has been the longest we've been together in some way. Problem is, I'm realizing that I've had one foot in and one foot out of the door so to speak since we've been seeing each other (notice how I keep avoiding the word "dating"...). I'm 24 and she's 25, we both live at home, she used to live on her own since she was 18 so living at home isn't ideal for her and she really wants to move out, I also really want to move out but I need a job to do that, she works part time but hates it and is still looking for another job. These things kind of pile up and make things difficult for us (harder to be intimate and completely comfortable around each other when we have to tip-toe around my parents being home, we're too old for this sh*t). Things have been a bit rocky the last few weeks and they finally reached a boiling point early Saturday morning during a phone call.
> 
> I've been single for so long I forgot how to be anything but independent, and I keep using past bad experience as a crutch. We sort of worked through it but I have a lot of stuff I need to work on and I need to fully commit to the relationship for it to work (duh). So I guess I got a second (probably third or fourth, really) chance and I'm gonna try like hell to hang on to it.



job stuff is rough dude and it puts a lot of stress on any relationship. i was looking for new work all summer and it put a little strain on the relationship with my wife.

that being said keeping your armor up is a bigger inhibitor to your love life than living with parents


----------



## BlackMastodon

Ibanezsam4 said:


> job stuff is rough dude and it puts a lot of stress on any relationship. i was looking for new work all summer and it put a little strain on the relationship with my wife.
> 
> that being said keeping your armor up is a bigger inhibitor to your love life than living with parents


Yeah I definitely know it, she's been the only one in the past few years that's gotten through the armour and it's been the subject of a few arguments between us. It's another thing I've been working on and understand how difficult it can be for her. The living with parents thing is a pretty minor thing considering we don't have to pay for rent or a mortgage, would just be nice to have complete privacy and freedom. It's also more of a stress for her. Somehow we're still sticking it out, though, so that's definitely a good sign. 

@kamello, that's really sh*try to hear, dude. Your mom absolutely shouldn't be saying things like that and anyone with depression knows how damaging those kinds o comments can be. Really hope your family can work past everything that's going on, too.


----------



## Bodes

I've been off line for a week or so as I've now moved into a new place, bought furniture, sorting all life's ....ty things out that go with changing address.

I went all-out and bought this desk for recording music (I hope to actually want to pick up the guitar and write again).

My mind space is a bit everywhere, understandable due to being with ex for 8 or so years. I'm hanging out with a good mate a lot, lucky he had 3 weeks leave he was forced to take. 
Everyone who I have spoken to has said how much happier I am and that they never liked the ex (I think they are just saying it to make me feel better about leaving her.)

Anyways, the real reason I am here:

So I was buying stuff at the local Bunnings (hardware store) and this cute little metal head girl served me and we got talking due to the xmas carols being played right behind her checkout, and me wearing a Dark Tranquillity shirt. I'm not looking to ask her out or really get involved with her at all (I need some space)

I was thinking of asking her what there is to do around this part of the world, as I have never lived down this way and my mates are a good 2 hour round trip away. I don't know if I want a relationship with her or just cause she spoke with me that I want to make new friends with her, ...., I don't know.

Should I rock up to her work and just ask her what goes on around here or just leave it be as I'd hate to think I was leading her on?

Typical male here: A girl talks to me so she must be interested, could have just been that I cringed went the Xmas carols started as she was serving me and she felt she agreed with me and made quick convo to pass the time.


----------



## Bodes

^ wow I make no ....ing sense! 

Feel free to try and figure out what I said while I down this next beer (or two)


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Only way to really get a feel for things is to go back there another time and see what clicks. 2nd time around will probably give you a better idea whether she was just being cool or if she's interested. I wouldn't put a lot of thought into it and I certainly wouldn't make a habit of frequently showing up there or that's gonna look kinda obvious... in turn may make her feel uncomfortable, but you can always just see if there seems to be a spark next time. 

You're not leading her on. Maybe she'd just dig going out casually... never know. Then at that point I would definitely let her know your intentions. 

In potential new relationships, honesty is always best... except for all the weird messed up sh!t. Save that stuff till at least the 3rd date. 

Good luck whatever you do, man.


----------



## Bodes

^ cheers drifter


----------



## BucketheadRules

Update - everything is sh*t.

Ah well, only myself to blame etc etc etc merry f*cking Christmas


----------



## ASoC

^Feel for you bro. Knowing it's your own fault doesn't help as much as you'd like. 

I went out with that girl I mentioned in here a while back. It went well, lots of hand holding and making out.  I also observed she has a bit of a hangup on PDA, so I'll just keep it in my pants when we're in public  We're going out again when we both return to LA from spending Christmas with our families


----------



## High Plains Drifter

BucketheadRules said:


> Update - everything is sh*t.
> 
> Ah well, only myself to blame etc etc etc merry f*cking Christmas



really feel ya, man and I hope that .... changes for ya' in some regard. Doesn't help much to hear ppl say "I've been there too" so I won't but troop on thru, bro. Count whatever blessings you've got cause I know you got some things to be thankful for. Cheers, man.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Bodes said:


> I've been off line for a week or so as I've now moved into a new place, bought furniture, sorting all life's ....ty things out that go with changing address.
> 
> I went all-out and bought this desk for recording music (I hope to actually want to pick up the guitar and write again).
> 
> My mind space is a bit everywhere, understandable due to being with ex for 8 or so years. I'm hanging out with a good mate a lot, lucky he had 3 weeks leave he was forced to take.
> Everyone who I have spoken to has said how much happier I am and that they never liked the ex (I think they are just saying it to make me feel better about leaving her.)
> 
> Anyways, the real reason I am here:
> 
> So I was buying stuff at the local Bunnings (hardware store) and this cute little metal head girl served me and we got talking due to the xmas carols being played right behind her checkout, and me wearing a Dark Tranquillity shirt. I'm not looking to ask her out or really get involved with her at all (I need some space)
> 
> I was thinking of asking her what there is to do around this part of the world, as I have never lived down this way and my mates are a good 2 hour round trip away. I don't know if I want a relationship with her or just cause she spoke with me that I want to make new friends with her, ...., I don't know.
> 
> Should I rock up to her work and just ask her what goes on around here or just leave it be as I'd hate to think I was leading her on?
> 
> Typical male here: A girl talks to me so she must be interested, could have just been that I cringed went the Xmas carols started as she was serving me and she felt she agreed with me and made quick convo to pass the time.


Honestly, if your not interested in a relationship with her then it couldn't hurt to try and find a new friend t hang out with. Just approach her next time you see her and explain that you're just looking for some things to do in town since you don't know the area very well and that you're just looking for something platonic.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

I think I just got a date.


----------



## Bodes

So I went out for a friends birthday yesterday, who he and his partner are friends with both me and the ex, I knew it would be a little weird so I decided not go and not bring up the breakup.

A few hours in and he asked me how I was going. It turns out the ex had been bitching to his partner about me only telling her, in my opinion, very warped side to what has happened over the past 6 months. It really made me sound like I was an unreasonable ****.

I said I didn't want to go into things and try to make them choose sides in this, and it wasn't all accurate.

His partner completely ignored me all evening, apart from the hello and goodbye bit.

My thoughts are that I should just cut my losses with this couple as the only way I can see them not siding with the ex is by turning the situation in to a he said she said thing and potentially losing them as friends anyway.

Am I right in thinking I should just distance myself from them for the sake of feeling that I might have to justify myself and my actions over my break up any time I see them?


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Bodes said:


> So I went out for a friends birthday yesterday, who he and his partner are friends with both me and the ex, I knew it would be a little weird so I decided not go and not bring up the breakup.
> 
> A few hours in and he asked me how I was going. It turns out the ex had been bitching to his partner about me only telling her, in my opinion, very warped side to what has happened over the past 6 months. It really made me sound like I was an unreasonable ****.
> 
> I said I didn't want to go into things and try to make them choose sides in this, and it wasn't all accurate.
> 
> His partner completely ignored me all evening, apart from the hello and goodbye bit.
> 
> My thoughts are that I should just cut my losses with this couple as the only way I can see them not siding with the ex is by turning the situation in to a he said she said thing and potentially losing them as friends anyway.
> 
> Am I right in thinking I should just distance myself from them for the sake of feeling that I might have to justify myself and my actions over my break up any time I see them?




I say that unless everyone in this situation utilizes complete discretion, maturity, and unbiased opinion, that it will forever be a very toxic and/ or uncomfortable situation for you to be involved in. If everyone can't get beyond what happened in the past and get beyond the "he said/ she said" mindset, then it's not seemingly going to be a good thing for you to be involved in. Don't expect to sway or convince people either b/c there's likely always going to be another side to the story ( that you won't necessarily hear verbatim if at all) that will forever cast a bad vibe over this whole thing. Yea... I would either keep quiet and smile a lot lol or get the hell away from that mess. jmo


----------



## flint757

Well, if it's either a ruined friendship or walking away and ruining the friendship I don't see why it'd hurt to explain your side. If it doesn't seem to be helping that seems like a better time to bail than just assuming it isn't going to work out and doing nothing at all. That's assuming you even care about salvaging the friendships I suppose.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Idk... I've been involved in those kinds of situations before and no matter what it always felt like I couldn't win. With a mutual friend, that person is put in the middle and is left to try to pacify both sides by acting as if they believe you and not the ex. But when they are around the ex, they act as if they believe them and not you. In this particular case you have the partner trying to influence the mutual friend... I guarantee it. That just makes the whole thing a clusterf#ck of "he said/ she said". It puts everyone on edge to some degree and it's a no-win because no matter what, you're always going to wonder what is being said behind your back... Unless I completely missed the context of the story... which may be totally possible since I'm completely exhausted from all the insanity in my own life lately lol.


----------



## Konfyouzd

One thing I really wish the ladies in my life would understand...

For me, writing music is a lot like pooping:

1. I need to get this out and no matter how much I like you, I don't want you to be around during that process.
2. Sometimes it might take a while...


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Konfyouzd said:


> One thing I really wish the ladies in my life would understand...
> 
> For me, writing music is a lot like pooping:
> 
> 1. I need to get this out and no matter how much I like you, I don't want you to be around during that process.
> 2. Sometimes it might take a while...



THANK YOU!!! YES!!! 

For me- and I was even thinking about starting a thread on a very similar topic: 

"How long do you keep playing after she comes home?" 

or 

"What justifies putting down the guitar to pacify your loved one?" 

My girl comes home as I'm right in the middle of a total groove... spot on, sounding good, hitting every note, just slaying it... and f#@king stands there beside me until I finally mess up and look up at her as she's smiling and holding the latest/ greatest little trinket or weird thing that she found at the store!!! And I'm like F#@K!! I was totally in the zone!!! Okay so what is that?... Oh great... A new shape in the Lucky Charms cereal box. So glad you were able to get me out of my artistic grind to share that with me. Totally worth it. UGH!! 

I understand if you come home with tears streaming down your face or bursting with excitement to tell me about that promotion at work but otherwise... JUST CHILL OUT FOR A FEW!!! 



Sorry... ranting about this was bound to happen somewhere on this board. 

/end hijack


----------



## ASoC

Never had that problem, every girl I've been with has loved listening to me play guitar, even if they aren't into metal. They always sit and listen/watch until I'm ready to give them my attention. I say that as long as you aren't moving around in my peripherals, then you can stay. Or maybe they're only so patient because my music room is also my bedroom


----------



## Konfyouzd

The women I meet just need too much attention it seems. That or they sing and they always bug me to do a song w/ them and for some reason I'm just not into that. We share everything else. Let me have this! 

If I'm just playing around I don't really care who is around. But if I start writing you gotta GTFO.


----------



## ASoC

Dude, do you know how long I've been waiting to meet a girl who can actually sing?  I tend to write late at night, with guitar pro (just because I like to layer and hear what it sounds like) so that's not a problem. But I definitely need space when I'm recording. Besides, I don't even think anybody would want to be around when I'm tracking guitars. There tends to be a lot of screaming and obscenities around that time


----------



## High Plains Drifter

ASoC said:


> Never had that problem, every girl I've been with has loved listening to me play guitar, even if they aren't into metal. They always sit and listen/watch until I'm ready to give them my attention. I say that as long as you aren't moving around in my peripherals, then you can stay. Or maybe they're only so patient because my music room is also my bedroom



Well... Wait until you tell one to move in with you and then propose to her. I can almost guarantee that things will change. My girl is into everything that I do and she is VERY supportive of all my strange hobbies and interests. But she's usually so excited to see me after a long day of us being apart... that she just can't seem to chill out doing something else or keeping to herself. I can understand if it's a song that I've played a million times or if I'm obviously just screwing around with some effects or scales or something... but damn/ seriously... Do something else until I'm done!!


----------



## Konfyouzd

^  

I live alone so I'm a bit worse with it. And I'm a bit of an asshole... I've stood up many people to stay home and play guitar. It's a real problem in my life.


----------



## naw38

I've been spending a few weeks practicing sweep picking, because I suck at it. A few weeks in, I make a post on Facebook stating that I've been practicing the same few exercises over and over for so long my wife's ready to beat me to death with my guitar. 
She responded that she hadn't even noticed. 

I sit in my room with the door open, guitar at a respectable level, make music, and she sits in the next room watching telly. Most of the night. It's pretty swell.


----------



## russmuller

High Plains Drifter said:


> Konfyouzd said:
> 
> 
> 
> One thing I really wish the ladies in my life would understand...
> 
> For me, writing music is a lot like pooping:
> 
> 1. I need to get this out and no matter how much I like you, I don't want you to be around during that process.
> 2. Sometimes it might take a while...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> THANK YOU!!! YES!!!
> 
> For me- and I was even thinking about starting a thread on a very similar topic:
> 
> "How long do you keep playing after she comes home?"
> 
> or
> 
> "What justifies putting down the guitar to pacify your loved one?"
> 
> My girl comes home as I'm right in the middle of a total groove... spot on, sounding good, hitting every note, just slaying it... and f#@king stands there beside me until I finally mess up and look up at her as she's smiling and holding the latest/ greatest little trinket or weird thing that she found at the store!!! And I'm like F#@K!! I was totally in the zone!!! Okay so what is that?... Oh great... A new shape in the Lucky Charms cereal box. So glad you were able to get me out of my artistic grind to share that with me. Totally worth it. UGH!!
> 
> I understand if you come home with tears streaming down your face or bursting with excitement to tell me about that promotion at work but otherwise... JUST CHILL OUT FOR A FEW!!!
> 
> 
> 
> Sorry... ranting about this was bound to happen somewhere on this board.
> 
> /end hijack
Click to expand...


OMG I 100% relate!!!! I had this problem with my ex in the worst way. I might have been bearable if she ever left the house, but we worked nearly identical schedules and she had no friends or hobbies to occupy her time off. It was terribly frustrating.


----------



## asher

HPD: I'd say that's actually not bad. She's clearly excited about something and comes to show you, but DOES wait until you pause on your own accord instead of interrupting you...


----------



## High Plains Drifter

asher said:


> HPD: I'd say that's actually not bad. She's clearly excited about something and comes to show you, but DOES wait until you pause on your own accord instead of interrupting you...



Thanks, man. Name is Anthony btw. 

Yea... I have to agree with you ( as I do most the time) and I truly am thankful to have her here in my life. I also have a ton of respect and adoration for her... as anyone knows that read about what I got her for Christmas. I'm a pretty romantic and caring SOB for the most part. 

I REALLY feel what russmuller is describing though... as working almost identical shifts/ days can really be a test in patience and compatibility. I just need so badly to have my "me time". I think that it comes from being pulled in a lot of directions by a lot of people throughout my life and then ending up ( after my last breakup) REALLY enjoying all my alone time. I got into quite the habit of hanging with the guys and hanging by myself. For whatever reasons, after many many years of too much social interaction, I developed quite the appreciation of my caveman roots lol. 

So we've been living together over 2 years now and thankfully I have one day off a week by myself and one day off with her... most weeks anyway. Sometimes my work schedule winds up messed up and we have two days off together, and as much as I love her and genuinely enjoy her company... that just doesn't work too well for me. If I'm working on my Jeep or doing some crazy hazardous crap then I honestly cannot stand to see her hovering just inside of my peripheral vision ( as ASoC put it lol). It bugs the livin' crap outta me. Get involved or go elsewhere. I understand how she feels about me so it's not like I get ugly with her... just kinda exasperated at times. 

Sorry for that huge wall of text up there ^^^. Just got off work and still amped I guess lol.


----------



## russmuller

High Plains Drifter said:


> I REALLY feel what russmuller is describing though... as working almost identical shifts/ days can really be a test in patience and compatibility. I just need so badly to have my "me time". I think that it comes from being pulled in a lot of directions by a lot of people throughout my life and then ending up ( after my last breakup) REALLY enjoying all my alone time. I got into quite the habit of hanging with the guys and hanging by myself. For whatever reasons, after many many years of too much social interaction, I developed quite the appreciation of my caveman roots lol.
> 
> So we've been living together over 2 years now and thankfully I have one day off a week by myself and one day off with her... most weeks anyway. Sometimes my work schedule winds up messed up and we have two days off together, and as much as I love her and genuinely enjoy her company... that just doesn't work too well for me. If I'm working on my Jeep or doing some crazy hazardous crap then I honestly cannot stand to see her hovering just inside of my peripheral vision ( as ASoC put it lol). It bugs the livin' crap outta me. Get involved or go elsewhere. I understand how she feels about me so it's not like I get ugly with her... just kinda exasperated at times.
> 
> Sorry for that huge wall of text up there ^^^. Just got off work and still amped I guess lol.



You sound like me a year and a half ago. I wish you the best in finding the balance between togetherness and "me time."


----------



## HoneyNut

Konfyouzd said:


> ^
> 
> I live alone so I'm a bit worse with it. And I'm a bit of an asshole... I've stood up many people to stay home and play guitar. It's a real problem in my life.



 

Which actually pisses me off a bit. I wish I had a guitar during my early twenties when I really wanted to practice the instrument. Life and situations didn't allow that. And finally, this year I bought 4 guitars in total. And now it's almost as if I don't care about anything in the world besides getting my alt. pick right. One track mind.


----------



## Genome

High Plains Drifter said:


> THANK YOU!!! YES!!!
> 
> For me- and I was even thinking about starting a thread on a very similar topic:
> 
> "How long do you keep playing after she comes home?"
> 
> or
> 
> "What justifies putting down the guitar to pacify your loved one?"
> 
> My girl comes home as I'm right in the middle of a total groove... spot on, sounding good, hitting every note, just slaying it... and f#@king stands there beside me until I finally mess up and look up at her as she's smiling and holding the latest/ greatest little trinket or weird thing that she found at the store!!! And I'm like F#@K!! I was totally in the zone!!! Okay so what is that?... Oh great... A new shape in the Lucky Charms cereal box. So glad you were able to get me out of my artistic grind to share that with me. Totally worth it. UGH!!
> 
> I understand if you come home with tears streaming down your face or bursting with excitement to tell me about that promotion at work but otherwise... JUST CHILL OUT FOR A FEW!!!
> 
> 
> 
> Sorry... ranting about this was bound to happen somewhere on this board.
> 
> /end hijack



I wish I had your problem.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Genome said:


> I wish I had your problem.



No... no you don't. 

What I might post about online as opposed to the more hardcore issues that affect my life day to day, are likely to be much more humorous, derelict, and trivial. It's a rough journey, man but I digress... so back to the greener side of the yard for now.


----------



## Konfyouzd

asher said:


> HPD: I'd say that's actually not bad. She's clearly excited about something and comes to show you, but DOES wait until you pause on your own accord instead of interrupting you...



That's all I ask for...

At the same time I think sometimes I get a little TOO into what I'm doing and make people feel neglected. When I'm drawing I sometimes won't speak for up to 6 hours at a time and I've noticed it makes more than women uncomfortable... My family and friends sometimes act weirded out by it as well. If I'm in the zone, I'm STUCK. But all things considered, I kind of like being stuck in the zone. It's tough to balance.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Man... I've been through so many relationships/ short/ long/ good/ bad/ ugly/ beyond insane/ horribly devastating/ etc... and the one thing that I really believe ( as I think I'm a pretty decent and compassionate guy) is that it's essential for a relationship to possess some degree of compromise and adaptation. 

I don't think that it's healthy if it isn't heart-felt. But for that "right chick" I see that there has to be an ability to see their side and how they differ and make mistakes... and for you to act accordingly, realistically, and compassionately. I really don't believe that there is "a perfect relationship" even if it's a supposed perfect match. If it's worth it to adapt and compromise, then Boom! There it is! If it's just "not there" then the relationship is gonna have the potential to hit bigger bumps and possibly become foul. Then you accept it, fight it, move on... whatever. 

I have true respect for my girl because I see a devotion and strength in her that is rare, genuine, amazing, and simply brilliant. The morality, the honesty, the positiveness, the joy that she gets from being with me ( after going on 3 years now) is tremendously cool in my eyes. I've slowly but surely been feeling the same way about her too as time has progressed, but I had much more reservation going into the relationship to begin with than what she did... for whatever that's worth. I genuinely appreciate who she is because she has proven herself to be very very worthy of my love, my guidance, and my support. 

Anyway- I know that as long as she sincerely loves and respects me and that as long as she at least tries to compromise and adapt to my flaws, habits, etc... that she will have my commitment as well... because I've really never been involved with a girl as true as she is. It's not ideal in every single way but what relationship is? 

peace.


----------



## asher

Wise words.


----------



## BucketheadRules

I... uh... oh whatever.

Kill me.


----------



## Taylor

So I've been talking to one my my classmates from this past semester on FB. It usually starts with me initiating a conversation, though she does, or at least did reply quickly and with interest (no one word/sentence replies). I haven't really flirted with her at all or asked her out or anything yet. I messaged her on Monday asking if she'd seen the new Star Wars yet, and she's seen the message and is on FB quite often, but she hasn't replied yet. Very socially awkward me doesn't know what to make of this. She seemed friendly but now she won't message me back.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Taylor said:


> So I've been talking to one my my classmates from this past semester on FB. It usually starts with me initiating a conversation, though she does, or at least did reply quickly and with interest (no one word/sentence replies). I haven't really flirted with her at all or asked her out or anything yet. I messaged her on Monday asking if she'd seen the new Star Wars yet, and she's seen the message and is on FB quite often, but she hasn't replied yet. Very socially awkward me doesn't know what to make of this. She seemed friendly but now she won't message me back.


Move on. Pretty simple, really, and it happens. Not a big deal.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Yeah, either she responds or she doesn't. It ain't no thang. Just don't bombard her with more messages and all is golden.


----------



## Taylor

Yeah, I agree I should move on. It just bugs me that there was no reason given. It's like an itch in my brain I can't scratch.


----------



## flint757

In high school I had talked to a girl I knew in school on myspace a lot and eventually asked her out. She said no. Sometimes girls just like to chit chat. Wouldn't always read too much into it. Back then I was so oblivious though. There was a beautiful girl who was interested in me both my senior and junior year and I had no clue. She was brilliant on top of it as well. In a way I dodged a bullet as she got married like right out of high school and that's not really something I'm interested in even now 6-8 years later.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

I just had the first date of my life. We watched a movie at my place (not Netflix n' chill), played some games, and had a good time. I asked if she wanted to do something this weekend, and she didn't know if she had time. But she said that if we didn't meet then, we would still have plenty of time later ^^


----------



## Bodes

I've just had the best and worst 24 hour period since my break up. My ex brought around the dogs for me to look after.

It was extremely difficult to see her saying goodbye to the dogs and I feel bloody awful for her kids, but they came up with the solution that they won't have the time to look after them once school and sport start up again in early Feb.

I love these little fluffs and have walked them a few times, something that I missed badly while I was sorting out my living situation, but really am sad when they stare at me cause I don't know what they are thinking.

On the bright side they have worked out the doggy door and love pooping on the artificial turf I laid the other day.

Oh, and I didn't miss their farting!


----------



## austink

^I am so amped for you. When I broke up with my ex, our dogs were the biggest source of dispute. She tried to take both of them, then tried to sell me one, then handed both over. But then later tried to sue me for the cost of them.........

It has been a little over one year of me being the sole dog parent and it has never been better. I am glad you got back your pups.


----------



## Bodes

Cheers austink.

Sorry to hear all the crap you went through, hopefully it doesn't turn into that with me. It is great to get off my ass again to walk the little buggers and play fetch with them in the park.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

So apparently she saw it as a friendly date, and she is interested in someone else. Oh well, back to square one. I guess I have to be even more clear next time.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Seybsnilksz said:


> So apparently she saw it as a friendly date, and she is interested in someone else. Oh well, back to square one. I guess I have to be even more clear next time.


Good attitude, don't be beat up about it. And at least now you have a lady friend and that's always a plus.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

I don't think I want to be friends at this point. Maybe time will tell.


----------



## Bodes

Seybsnilksz said:


> I don't think I want to be friends at this point. Maybe time will tell.



It is always hard to know what the right thing to do is. You want to remain friends but don't want to be hurt if they start dating someone else.

Maybe a good idea would be not to make contact with her, but if she calls to catch up, don't be a stranger, cause a good friendship could be one of the best things for you.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Only 4-ish months and 66 matches later, and it looks like I've finally got me a date from Tinder. And she's pretty damn hot.


----------



## ftr

hey guys. my gf went a few away to visit one of her ex's that moved away some years ago for the weekend. i was cool with it and told her i trust her, she told me not to worry,. i don't want to prevent someone from seeing a friend. but of course i suddenly get negative thoughts today. she is coming back tomorrow. i can't help but think wtf of course they aren't just sleeping in different beds, damn this is bad. i think i am legit stupid now. am i overthinking this?


----------



## flint757

ftr said:


> hey guys. my gf went a few away to visit one of her ex's that moved away some years ago for the weekend. i was cool with it and told her i trust her, she told me not to worry,. i don't want to prevent someone from seeing a friend. but of course i suddenly get negative thoughts today. she is coming back tomorrow. i can't help but think wtf of course they aren't just sleeping in different beds, damn this is bad. i think i am legit stupid now. am i overthinking this?



Not to add to your paranoia, but maybe, maybe not. It all depends on how honest she is and how much you trust her. They could legit be only friends or there could still be some feelings present. No way to know without knowing more information. If you trust her and she is mostly honest I'd say don't sweat over it too much. If it's really bothering you maybe just talk to her about it when she gets back, without accusing her of course.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

ftr said:


> hey guys. my gf went a few away to visit one of her ex's that moved away some years ago for the weekend. i was cool with it and told her i trust her, she told me not to worry,. i don't want to prevent someone from seeing a friend. but of course i suddenly get negative thoughts today. she is coming back tomorrow. i can't help but think wtf of course they aren't just sleeping in different beds, damn this is bad. i think i am legit stupid now. am i overthinking this?



Depending on what kind of relationship you have or what kind of people you both are... this is typically not a very healthy situation for several reasons. 

I trust my fiance more than I could even convey but if she were to suggest something like this, I would immediately question things. I also know for a fact that she would never suggest such a thing. She wouldn't want to make me uncomfortable and she wouldn't desire seeing an ex for ANY reason.... and for that I feel fortunate. 

This type of thing can breed trust issues very quickly... and obviously that's somewhat ( or greatly) justified... regardless of what happened. 
Every relationship is different and what works for some may not work for others although I suspect that there's nothing exceptionally unique about yours and just from what you've said here, it seems like it was not a very good decision... for her to want to do it nor for you to approve of it. 

I would absolutely approach her about this and do it in a respectful way. You did after all, approve of her doing this so you really can't be too hardcore about it. If you're at all perceptive then you should pretty quickly be able to surmise if her attitude/ demeanor is sketchy or suspicious. It shouldn't be too difficult to get an idea of what happened, as well as her sincerity although that really isn't the most important part of this since you'll never really know what happened anyway. What's most important is how/ if you accept her words and can move on from this incident. 

I would also suggest that you not lie to yourself about how you feel. Sometimes ( especially in extremely co-dependent relationships) it's hard to admit to yourself the truth, but for your own solace you really need to ( and deserve to) be able to trust her. Trust is probably the most important aspects of a strong and successful relationship as you're aware. If you don't accept her explanation as honest then that's going to breed animosity and resentment. 

You definitely need to get your feelings about this out in the open. Respectfully confront her about this one. Best of luck.


----------



## ftr

i don't know. he is just like a really good friend of hers. she would always tell me it would never work if they tried to date again. i just saw it as someone visiting a good friend of theirs they haven't seen in a while, they have been friends for years. it feels wrong to prevent from visting. it wasn't like some random ex i never heard much of. i still think it was a good decision. i am going to let her know i feel when she gets back. i don't know why i started worrying all of the sudden.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Well regardless of your quick change of feelings about this, I still stand by everything I said. Something about this isn't quite right. I think that you are conflicted by this situation. We always want to feel that the person that we're with is that person that we can unconditionally trust. I think that you're trying to convince yourself that this situation is acceptable and that there is nothing unsavory going on. I won't say anything more here but just know that your concerns are valid ( even if you don't feel that way now) are valid, I would still have a talk about this at some point after she's back home. 

Best of luck, man. I truly hope that everything is in fact okay and that you both are able to maintain a healthy and successful relationship. Cheers, bro.


----------



## russmuller

ftr said:


> i don't know. he is just like a really good friend of hers. she would always tell me it would never work if they tried to date again. i just saw it as someone visiting a good friend of theirs they haven't seen in a while, they have been friends for years. it feels wrong to prevent from visting. it wasn't like some random ex i never heard much of. i still think it was a good decision. i am going to let her know i feel when she gets back. i don't know why i started worrying all of the sudden.



I have ex'es like this. The truth is that, for a lot of relationships, there's just no going back. A healthy friendship can emerge from the ashes, but the sexual or romantic components just aren't there anymore.

Insecurity is a natural part of the human condition, and we all suffer it at times. In a situation like this, it's a totally reasonable feeling to arise. Just be sure not to be accusatory with your communication, and be honest that you're looking for reassurance and not asking for her to cut him out.


----------



## Alberto7

So there's this bakery on campus that I've been a regular at for about a year now. I've come to know some of the workers and cashiers there now, and they know me. I remember walking in to grab a quick bite last Fall, and I was wearing my Avatar: The Last Airbender t-shirt. The cashier that took care of my order complimented it, and we struck a small conversation for a couple of minutes. Then I was on my way. I saw her a few more times after that, and she always greeted me with the most delightful smile. I never made much of it though, other than she was a very pleasant person.

Fast forward to this last Friday. I'm sitting at university waiting for a friend, when this super cute redheaded stranger approaches me. It took me a good moment to recognize her. Seeing my confusion, she just says "you used to walk into the bakery all the time, and I always thought you were the most interesting guy that came in! I'm the cashier that used to work there."

After that, I asked her to sit with me while I waited for my friend. We talked for a good 15 minutes (I was actually late to see my friend ), and it was just compliment after compliment coming from her. I was a little bit in disbelief because it's not often that I get approached in such a straight-forward manner by anyone, let alone such an attractive person. Recognizing the chances, however, I asked her to exchange phone numbers, and we agreed to hit each other up some time this week to meet up.

I texted her today for the first time since Friday, and we've been texting for a bit. She said she'd let me know when she's free so we can go grab a bite.

She also seemed a little too eager to know if I had people over very often... 

I'm curious to see where this goes, but I'm definitely trying to be cautious, given her straightforwardness. Kinda weirded out, but I'm curious nonetheless.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Other people making connections... I'm strategically burning bridges... 

EDIT: Systematically*

That's the word I should have used.


----------



## ASoC

And I'm floating in limbo 

My lady friend went home for the holidays and she's been a lot less communicative lately. I'll chalk it up to just being busy with the family, but if things don't pick up again when she gets back I won't sweat it. I have no desire to put any pressure on her, if the whole thing falls apart another female will find her way to me. It would be a bit of a shame though, since I think she'd make a good girlfriend, but life goes on


----------



## flint757

That's definitely the best attitude to have when dating.

I've called off any attempts at starting a relationship for awhile. I've been eating better, running most every day, and trying to get my life headed in a more positive direction. I've been trying to do this for awhile, but something clicked just before the holiday's (the most obvious thing on the planet), that things won't change if I just keep doing the same thing everyday. My dog getting sick has made me really reevaluate things and I think I'm finally turning for the better. I've lost about 10 lbs since the holidays and am looking to lose a bit more before I bulk back up a bit for a leaner build. I've also started being more assertive for myself for a change and am in general feeling loads better. Helping a couple close people in my life out with their problems really helped me resolve some of my own as well.

My worst enemy, relationship wise, has always been my relationship with myself and I finally think I'm feeling more positive about it. I don't know if it's the healthier food/exercise or just the act of moving forward, but whatever it is mentally I feel the best I have in years.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Alberto7 said:


> So there's this bakery on campus that I've been a regular at for about a year now. I've come to know some of the workers and cashiers there now, and they know me. I remember walking in to grab a quick bite last Fall, and I was wearing my Avatar: The Last Airbender t-shirt. The cashier that took care of my order complimented it, and we struck a small conversation for a couple of minutes. Then I was on my way. I saw her a few more times after that, and she always greeted me with the most delightful smile. I never made much of it though, other than she was a very pleasant person.
> 
> Fast forward to this last Friday. I'm sitting at university waiting for a friend, when this super cute redheaded stranger approaches me. It took me a good moment to recognize her. Seeing my confusion, she just says "you used to walk into the bakery all the time, and I always thought you were the most interesting guy that came in! I'm the cashier that used to work there."
> 
> After that, I asked her to sit with me while I waited for my friend. We talked for a good 15 minutes (I was actually late to see my friend ), and it was just compliment after compliment coming from her. I was a little bit in disbelief because it's not often that I get approached in such a straight-forward manner by anyone, let alone such an attractive person. Recognizing the chances, however, I asked her to exchange phone numbers, and we agreed to hit each other up some time this week to meet up.
> 
> I texted her today for the first time since Friday, and we've been texting for a bit. She said she'd let me know when she's free so we can go grab a bite.
> 
> She also seemed a little too eager to know if I had people over very often...
> 
> I'm curious to see where this goes, but I'm definitely trying to be cautious, given her straightforwardness. Kinda weirded out, but I'm curious nonetheless.



straightforward is not necessarily a bad thing. by the sounds of it she had a crush on you but never had a good opportunity to talk to you and she is now jumping at the opportunity.

see where it goes!


----------



## BucketheadRules

Going out for a drink with the girl from Tinder I mentioned above, tomorrow night. We've been texting pretty regularly the last couple of days and it seems to be going quite well, so I'm hoping it'll be a good one! (She also said she had a look at my Instagram and told me I'm amazing at guitar, which is always a nice sign I guess...)


----------



## Konfyouzd

flint757 said:


> That's definitely the best attitude to have when dating.



I agree to some extent and at the same time I feel like that's half the reason it seems like no one gives a fvck anymore. It's liberating and frustrating all at once.


----------



## Alberto7

Ibanezsam4 said:


> straightforward is not necessarily a bad thing. by the sounds of it she had a crush on you but never had a good opportunity to talk to you and she is now jumping at the opportunity.
> 
> see where it goes!



Oh yeah, I'm absolutely gonna give it a chance. But still, I'm just not used to it and I don't truly understand how some people can be like that (which is my own issue, really, but I'm sure trying to figure out the answer ). It's funny because it both scares me and gets my hopes up.


----------



## Konfyouzd

It should be cool really. Openness is all anyone can really hope for in anyone else. Ride it out until you find it to be a bad thing.


----------



## Alberto7

^ That last sentence is exactly my mindset about it. Good advice. 



BucketheadRules said:


> Going out for a drink with the girl from Tinder I mentioned above, tomorrow night. We've been texting pretty regularly the last couple of days and it seems to be going quite well, so I'm hoping it'll be a good one! (She also said she had a look at my Instagram and told me I'm amazing at guitar, which is always a nice sign I guess...)



I'm curious to know how this turns out man. I gave up on online dating. Closed both my Tinder and OKCupid accounts a bit over a month ago, for many reasons. However, my curiosity remains as to what would have happened if I had kept on talking with any of my matches. Let us know how it goes!


----------



## ASoC

Konfyouzd said:


> I agree to some extent and at the same time I feel like that's half the reason it seems like no one gives a fvck anymore. It's liberating and frustrating all at once.



I'd say the only thing frustrating about it is how flighty people can be. I don't require much for a relationship to work, I can get along with just about anyone. The tough part is finding someone who can put up with me long term, as I can be quite the complex character sometimes. Girls always think that they'd like to date a brooding intellectual, until they actually date one  

It's a lot more common for me to be on the receiving end of a break-up, purely because I'm easy to please. Despite my prickly demeanor, I could probably fall in love with any moderately attractive girl, provided she treats me right and we spend a lot time together. I love learning new things, so having a lot in common isn't even an issue. I just wish people weren't so quick to give up on established relationships that already work well


----------



## Konfyouzd

... I fvcking hate people...


----------



## Konfyouzd

ASoC said:


> I'd say the only thing frustrating about it is how flighty people can be. I don't require much for a relationship to work, I can get along with just about anyone. The tough part is finding someone who can put up with me long term, as I can be quite the complex character sometimes. Girls always think that they'd like to date a brooding intellectual, until they actually date one
> 
> It's a lot more common for me to be on the receiving end of a break-up, purely because I'm easy to please. Despite my prickly demeanor, I could probably fall in love with any moderately attractive girl, provided she treats me right and we spend a lot time together. I love learning new things, so having a lot in common isn't even an issue. I just wish people weren't so quick to give up on established relationships that already work well



Same... This leads me to believe that most folks have no flipping clue what they want short of the strict classifications of people we've so "cleverly" defined. This is the reason I've decided it's pointless to date anyone until I meet someone who doesn't date based on preset societal criteria... I can do poorly on my own... Typically my situation is one such that I do quite well w/o the interference of others, so for now I find it best to stick to that. I have more money that way anyway. 

The more I continue to attempt to deal with the opposite sex, the more pointless pairing off seems to feel especially considering I've been able to support myself since graduating college. Seems more like some sort of societal milestone than anything. Mehh...


----------



## BucketheadRules

Alberto7 said:


> I'm curious to know how this turns out man. I gave up on online dating. Closed both my Tinder and OKCupid accounts a bit over a month ago, for many reasons. However, my curiosity remains as to what would have happened if I had kept on talking with any of my matches. Let us know how it goes!



Well I'm back, and it seemed to go pretty good! We were never stuck for conversation, seemed to get on well and have both expressed a desire to see each other again soon. We've been texting for the last couple of days since we exchanged numbers, and have continued to do that after seeing each other tonight, which seems like a good sign.

I hope we do actually get to see each other again, because I've had a few situations before where girls say that and it never really happens, but she does seem pretty into the idea, and I certainly am as well. I hope this goes somewhere!


----------



## Konfyouzd

Yea band mates will do it too... 

"Yea man I'll totally be back next week and we can finish writing/recording that track..."

*never hear from said person again*


----------



## ThePIGI King

My all time favorite:

Her - "It's been so long, I think we should catch up sometime soon"

Me - "Sounds good. How have you been?"

*Radio Silence*...*Forever*


----------



## MetalheadMC

ThePIGI King said:


> My all time favorite:
> 
> Her - "It's been so long, I think we should catch up sometime soon"
> 
> Me - "Sounds good. How have you been?"
> 
> *Radio Silence*...*Forever*



I'm starting to think they don't care about the "how have you been" line anymore. In this situation now, I just respond, sounds good. Whenever you're ready. Then proceed to talk to the other ladies


----------



## ASoC

I think so too, which is a shame because I'm being sincere when I ask. But I guess that's just the reality, gotta constantly remind myself to stop being a nice guy


----------



## MetalheadMC

ASoC said:


> I think so too, which is a shame because I'm being sincere when I ask. But I guess that's just the reality, gotta constantly remind myself to stop being a nice guy



I wouldn't necessarily stop being a nice guy. I've just learned not to be SO nice through messages. Just make sure to make them laugh time to time!


----------



## UnderTheSign

If being a nice guy is something you "have to be" you probably shouldn't be doing it anyway


----------



## Konfyouzd

I think lots of people--not just women--simply say things because they sound nice. Think about how many people you see on a regular basis that ask, "How are you?" and are walking away before you even say something as simple as, "I'm good. You?"


----------



## Alberto7

I'm feeling too lazy to do a detailed recount, but I met up with bakery girl today. She's honestly one of the most interesting people that I've met in a while, and we got along extremely well. I was always pretty comfortable being with her. She's stupid cute, and I love how quirky she is... but pot abuse (which she admits to and feels bad about), popping mollies, and doing coke rreeeeaaaallllyy aren't my thing.  The latter two she only talked about in the context of rave parties, but I didn't ask how often an occurrence in her life those are.

I'm still gonna talk to her and see what happens down the road, but, as it stands, I reeaally don't feel like involving myself with someone like that. I'm really disappointed though. I really liked her, but I have no doubt that her current lifestyle would hold me back from what I want to do with my life if I got emotionally invested. (And, honestly, getting attached has never been a problem for me. )

Oh well... back to the drawing board. I think it might have been a little too good to be true though, honestly.


----------



## BucketheadRules

So we're seeing each other again on Sunday night.


----------



## naw38

So, I've been chatting to this woman for a while. This brilliant, sarcastic, witty English bird. Met her on OKC, about three weeks ago. Almost every night, we're staying up until 2, sometimes 4 in the morning, drinking and chatting and having fun. She was in Sydney, I was in Melbourne. 
Well, she got here to Melbourne last week, and we had a date on Tuesday night - went out to a gin bar that we couldn't find, so we had a couple of beers in a pub, then went to this ridiculously gaudy cocktail bar called Polly that was decorated as though an Anne Rice novel had vomited itself into a bar. Drank absinthe and gin and rum. 
She ended up coming back to my place, which was nice, and eventually we went outside for a cigarette, and my wife was there, and we ended up staying up until 5 in the morning drinking gin and talking ....(mostly them making fun of me). I was not in a good state at work the next day. Night couldn't have gone any more perfectly.
And now she's coming over tonight so we can all go out to see a mate of mine play an acoustic set at my favourite cafe. 

She's awesome. I am very giddy. I've run out of people to gush to in real life so here I am.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Alberto7 said:


> I'm feeling too lazy to do a detailed recount, but I met up with bakery girl today. She's honestly one of the most interesting people that I've met in a while, and we got along extremely well. I was always pretty comfortable being with her. She's stupid cute, and I love how quirky she is... but pot abuse (which she admits to and feels bad about), popping mollies, and doing coke rreeeeaaaallllyy aren't my thing.  The latter two she only talked about in the context of rave parties, but I didn't ask how often an occurrence in her life those are.
> 
> I'm still gonna talk to her and see what happens down the road, but, as it stands, I reeaally don't feel like involving myself with someone like that. I'm really disappointed though. I really liked her, but I have no doubt that her current lifestyle would hold me back from what I want to do with my life if I got emotionally invested. (And, honestly, getting attached has never been a problem for me. )
> 
> Oh well... back to the drawing board. I think it might have been a little too good to be true though, honestly.



my thoughts. keep her around. 

my wife used to be wake and bake in college. smoked night and day. a lot of it was her friends and when most of them graduated ahead of her she calmed down a bit. she also used to party and do mollie a lot and confessed to me she would've tried coke in the right situation... she denies every saying that now and for this reason: 

she grew up. you guys are in college, good times are cheap and the means to get loose are plentiful. it happens. 

i dont know how far along in school you are, but realize a lot of things are a phase and go away in the future. mostly because life kicks in and responsibilities happen. 

if you were to get closer with her put it out there that you're not into stuff. only talk about yourself and no ultimatums. if things get serious make those feelings known and say "hey this is not stuff i appreciate but i dont want to force you into anything or change your life you can leave if you want." 

if someone likes you or cares about you enough things like that aren't important. and im proud to say my wife and i smoked the last of her pot in 2013 and she never touched it since.

i found what helped me is i said i dont have a problem with occasional pot smoking, just wake and bake and chemicals are out. she's good with it. 

not sure if it would work for you, just saying we have/had similar situations and im happy that i didn't write her off right away


----------



## ftr

I am in a pretty bad situation right now. so i have been in a relationship with this girl for i guess like 2 months now. Everything has been going great, we have had no major problems until recently. She went out of state to visit a friend she used to date a long time ago and i told her i was fine with it, she told me not to worry about it. i actually felt fine with it, well of course over the weekend i couldn&#8217;t help but worry and develop negative feeling about it. it got to the point where i couldn&#8217;t help but think she was cheating on me. She was not texting me like she used to and when she got back she was not replying to my texts much which pretty much never happens. i was in a pretty negative state of mind. When she finally came over, i told her that her visit bothered me a lot more than i thought it would. I eventually asked her if she cheated on me (i didn't say it like that, but something that insinuated the same thing), her answer sounded kind defensive, and guilty, just the way I took her words and body language, it just seemed to me something did happen while she was there. She just seems so different from before she left and when she got back. I called her last night and she said she was at work and she never called back which is unusual. I ended up sending a passive aggressive text that probably did not help the situation. I am pretty sad right now and i have been thinking a lot on what i should do to make things right again.


----------



## Alberto7

Ibanezsam4 said:


> my thoughts. keep her around.
> 
> my wife used to be wake and bake in college. smoked night and day. a lot of it was her friends and when most of them graduated ahead of her she calmed down a bit. she also used to party and do mollie a lot and confessed to me she would've tried coke in the right situation... she denies every saying that now and for this reason:
> 
> she grew up. you guys are in college, good times are cheap and the means to get loose are plentiful. it happens.
> 
> i dont know how far along in school you are, but realize a lot of things are a phase and go away in the future. mostly because life kicks in and responsibilities happen.
> 
> if you were to get closer with her put it out there that you're not into stuff. only talk about yourself and no ultimatums. if things get serious make those feelings known and say "hey this is not stuff i appreciate but i dont want to force you into anything or change your life you can leave if you want."
> 
> if someone likes you or cares about you enough things like that aren't important. and im proud to say my wife and i smoked the last of her pot in 2013 and she never touched it since.
> 
> i found what helped me is i said i dont have a problem with occasional pot smoking, just wake and bake and chemicals are out. she's good with it.
> 
> not sure if it would work for you, just saying we have/had similar situations and im happy that i didn't write her off right away



^ I'm glad you found someone who was able to come to terms with it, dude!  And, honestly, I feel like you and I are very similar in that regard, because I agree with you.

Ms. Jane and I are by no means unacquainted, nor have we ever been on bad terms (we just haven't 'rekindled our relationship' in a while), so the pot itself isn't the issue. The abuse part of it is what I don't want to have to deal with.

And then the harder drugs are something I do have issue with. As a friend, I don't have the energy or, more importantly, the right to force her stop, but if I get emotionally invested, it'll be a major source of stress and conflict for me.

Thus, as it stands, I'd rather keep her as a friend. Like you say, she may change, and that'd be great for me, but I won't hold on to something that I have no control over. I've done it before, and it's absolutely horrible holding on to false hope.

With that said, we're going out for drinks in a couple hours, and I plan on prying her mind open a little bit more, so we'll see what I uncover.


----------



## Don Vito

Alberto, despite what Ibanezsam4 said, girls or guys who are into drugs are usually a red flag in the long run. Also you aren't a young college kid exactly, you're an adult who might want an adult relationship. That does not include bongs.

And I do realize that people change, ect.., but I see it as an issue of time investment.


----------



## MFB

> Also you aren't a young college kid exactly, you're an adult who might want an adult relationship. That does not include bongs..



Says who? I know plenty of couples who smoke up together and it doesn't make them any less 'adult.' As long as you can maintain your responsibilities, light up to your hearts content I say.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Riddle me this...

A woman asks a "simple question" and only requires that a man be truthful in his response...

A man asks a "simple question" and the woman proceeds to complicate the matter via dodging said question all the while asserting that the answer is valid.

But double standards are terrible... 

In college comp sci majors were "boring" because we understood sh!t other people didn't feel like dealing with. Now that I'm out women (at least in my area and/or the ones I know) want someone that can support 2... And expect that I'll put up with anything. Yet I'm an asshole for expecting that they be straight up with me... 

Go... Fvckin'... Figure...

And the typical assertion is that I must be gay because I won't put up with this just to dip my wick...


----------



## Don Vito

MFB said:


> Says who? I know plenty of couples who smoke up together and it doesn't make them any less 'adult.' As long as you can maintain your responsibilities, light up to your hearts content I say.



Says me, and I know my opinion won't be the popular one here.


----------



## flint757

Don Vito said:


> Says me, and I know my opinion won't be the popular one here.



That's because it's a completely unsupported subjective opinion. I know many couple 30 all the way up to 60 who light up anywhere from every night to every now and then. They work, pay their bills, live stable lives, raise children, and are quite happy.


----------



## Alberto7

^ Don, I feel like I know where you're coming from, but there are quite a fair bit of exceptions. Everybody does pot at some point in their youth. In the long run, you get people who don't grow out of it BECAUSE they never matured mentally. These people are best judged by their overall behavior and ways of thinking than by one simple habit. You also get people who do grow up, but feel no need to quit smoking simply because it's not a detriment to their goals and aspirations. I don't know if that made sense, but that's how I see it.

With that said, and what I really came here for...

So bakery girl and I went out for drinks last night... we totally went to town, and I ended up spending the night and half of today at her place. 

I feel like anything I say will just be me making excuses, but before anything happened, we did let each other know pretty clearly where we stood regarding everything I've talked about here plus some other things, and we both agreed that we could just keep it casual for now and see how things develop. Despite both of us having had a lot of fun last night, I completely felt it to be a no strings attached sort of night, and I don't feel like I owe her anything, nor like she owes me anything. Not to say I'm still not wary of how things might turn out, but I might as well have fun for now... she seems to be really into me, and it's a nice morale boost to have.

Also, now looking at the bigger picture... I needed something of the sort. Last year was very rough on me, what with my ex-roommate and all, so this makes me feel like it was one of the last steps to get over it.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Well I had a good night, and I think she did too. 

Seems early to say this and I'm always inclined to be cautious, but I do like where I think this is going.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

flint757 said:


> That's because it's a completely unsupported subjective opinion. I know many couple 30 all the way up to 60 who light up anywhere from every night to every now and then. They work, pay their bills, live stable lives, raise children, and are quite happy.



Yeah, but that goes both ways. I will say though that near on every single person I've ever met who has smoking as a main focus/interest is irritating to be around. I tend to keep my mouth shut, since it's ultimately usually harmless, but I legit can't stand the people I know who smoke. 

That said, I think coke and molly were mentioned too, so it's not just weed. Coke in particular isn't a drug you want to .... around with. That's one of those drugs that kinda ....s lives up.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Chokey Chicken said:


> I will say though that near on every single person I've ever met who has smoking as a main focus/interest is irritating to be around.



Absof*ckinlutely.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Chokey Chicken said:


> Yeah, but that goes both ways. I will say though that near on every single person I've ever met who has smoking as a main focus/interest is irritating to be around. I tend to keep my mouth shut, since it's ultimately usually harmless, but I legit can't stand the people I know who smoke.
> 
> That said, I think coke and molly were mentioned too, so it's not just weed. Coke in particular isn't a drug you want to .... around with. That's one of those drugs that kinda ....s lives up.



Well it's pretty damn stupid if smoking pot is your main focus or interest. Some people smoke a .... ton, but don't feel the need to talk about it, bc it's not really important enough to bring up in normal conversation anyway. I think some ppl have some pretty warped views of these things simply because they're illegal. There was a point in time when alcohol was illegal too. Ever been to a company party for work? People get smashed and don't look all that adult to me. 

There are lots of different kinds of people. Some can be functional under circumstances where others cannot. You can't fault one person for another's shortcomings. THAT doesn't sound like a very mature OR informed opinion.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Alberto7 said:


> ^ Don, I feel like I know where you're coming from, but there are quite a fair bit of exceptions. Everybody does pot at some point in their youth. In the long run, you get people who don't grow out of it BECAUSE they never matured mentally. These people are best judged by their overall behavior and ways of thinking than by one simple habit. You also get people who do grow up, but feel no need to quit smoking simply because it's not a detriment to their goals and aspirations. I don't know if that made sense, but that's how I see it.
> 
> With that said, and what I really came here for...
> 
> So bakery girl and I went out for drinks last night... we totally went to town, and I ended up spending the night and half of today at her place.
> 
> I feel like anything I say will just be me making excuses, but before anything happened, we did let each other know pretty clearly where we stood regarding everything I've talked about here plus some other things, and we both agreed that we could just keep it casual for now and see how things develop. Despite both of us having had a lot of fun last night, I completely felt it to be a no strings attached sort of night, and I don't feel like I owe her anything, nor like she owes me anything. Not to say I'm still not wary of how things might turn out, but I might as well have fun for now... she seems to be really into me, and it's a nice morale boost to have.
> 
> Also, now looking at the bigger picture... I needed something of the sort. Last year was very rough on me, what with my ex-roommate and all, so this makes me feel like it was one of the last steps to get over it.


My man






Edit:


Konfyouzd said:


> Well it's pretty damn stupid if smoking pot is your main focus or interest. Some people smoke a .... ton, but don't feel the need to talk about it, bc it's not really important enough to bring up in normal conversation anyway. I think some ppl have some pretty warped views of these things simply because they're illegal. There was a point in time when alcohol was illegal too. Ever been to a company party for work? People get smashed and don't look all that adult to me.
> 
> There are lots of different kinds of people. Some can be functional under circumstances where others cannot. You can't fault one person for another's shortcomings. THAT doesn't sound like a very mature OR informed opinion.


This. I personally think alcohol is more dangerous/worse for you than weed, certainly more destructive, and I don't even smoke though I drink regularly.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Alberto7 said:


> So bakery girl and I went out for drinks last night... we totally went to town, and I ended up spending the night and half of today at her place.
> 
> I feel like anything I say will just be me making excuses, but before anything happened, we did let each other know pretty clearly where we stood regarding everything I've talked about here plus some other things, and we both agreed that we could just keep it casual for now and see how things develop. Despite both of us having had a lot of fun last night, I completely felt it to be a no strings attached sort of night, and I don't feel like I owe her anything, nor like she owes me anything. Not to say I'm still not wary of how things might turn out, but I might as well have fun for now... she seems to be really into me, and it's a nice morale boost to have.
> 
> Also, now looking at the bigger picture... I needed something of the sort. Last year was very rough on me, what with my ex-roommate and all, so this makes me feel like it was one of the last steps to get over it.



awesome to hear! you obviously know what happens if feelings get involved with casual so you're in a good spot.


----------



## ftr

my gf is not really responding to my texts. i don't really know why. either shes mad i didn't trust her, shes guilty, or she is talking to someone else. the last one i don't think is likely. but i just don't even know. the last text she texted me was saying it was annoying how weird i was being about everything and how i wouldn't trust her no matter what she said or did. i apologized but i still haven't got a reply.


----------



## Alberto7

Ibanezsam4 said:


> awesome to hear! you obviously know what happens if feelings get involved with casual so you're in a good spot.



Caution, caution, and more caution. 



ftr said:


> my gf is not really responding to my texts. i don't really know why. either shes mad i didn't trust her, shes guilty, or she is talking to someone else. the last one i don't think is likely. but i just don't even know. the last text she texted me was saying it was annoying how weird i was being about everything and how i wouldn't trust her no matter what she said or did. i apologized but i still haven't got a reply.



Having one's trust questioned can be pretty hurtful for some people. From what you've said so far, I don't see enough evidence to conclude that she's guilty of anything, but definitely enough to see why she'd just be mad at you. I'd say that, for your own sake, try not to overthink it or to read too much into it, unless you really find something that would make your fears absolutely obvious.


----------



## asher

ftr said:


> my gf is not really responding to my texts. i don't really know why. either shes mad i didn't trust her, shes guilty, or she is talking to someone else. the last one i don't think is likely. but i just don't even know. the last text she texted me was saying it was annoying how weird i was being about everything and how i wouldn't trust her no matter what she said or did. i apologized but i still haven't got a reply.



Y'all need to have a _real_ conversation about this.

I'm not particularly against text or IM or whatever as a medium, but clearly neither of you are communicating effectively with it.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Alberto7 said:


> Having one's trust questioned can be pretty hurtful for some people. From what you've said so far, I don't see enough evidence to conclude that she's guilty of anything, but definitely enough to see why she'd just be mad at you. I'd say that, for your own sake, try not to overthink it or to read too much into it, unless you really find something that would make your fears absolutely obvious.



While it's true that questioning one's trust can prove to be a hurtful thing, those with nothing to hide typically don't respond angrily. And anger in response to a question--in some cases--indicates that they're admitting fault without wishing to explicitly do so.


----------



## asher

Konfyouzd said:


> While it's true that questioning one's trust can prove to be a hurtful thing, those with nothing to hide typically don't respond angrily. And anger in response to a question--in some cases--indicates that they're admitting fault without wishing to explicitly do so.



I'm mixed on this, because I've seen people get rather upset about feeling hounded or grilled about things, and I can't really blame them - and I was just genuinely curious what was up and what people had been doing and didn't mean to cast any aspersions!


----------



## UnderTheSign

ftr said:


> my gf is not really responding to my texts. i don't really know why. either shes mad i didn't trust her, shes guilty, or she is talking to someone else. the last one i don't think is likely. but i just don't even know. the last text she texted me was saying it was annoying how weird i was being about everything and how i wouldn't trust her no matter what she said or did. i apologized but i still haven't got a reply.


How much have you been texting her about this? I get that you're worried but you guys are only a _few months _into this relationship so it's very easy to get a little too much into the situation.


----------



## ftr

i thought things were talked through and everything was good the last time we spoke in person almost a week ago. it was kind of difficult to really tell for sure though because she was really tired and she slept most of the time she was here. since then she has only sent a couple text messages and i can tell things are not alright. i am trying to have a real conversation about this. i asked her to come over and talk yesterday and i still have not gotten a reply.


----------



## Konfyouzd

asher said:


> I'm mixed on this, because I've seen people get rather upset about feeling hounded or grilled about things, and I can't really blame them - and I was just genuinely curious what was up and what people had been doing and didn't mean to cast any aspersions!



I've had the same thing. I think some folks are just naturally a bit more secretive, but if that's the way you feel, you should probably consider that before deciding to get into a relationship with someone you know to be inquisitive. And if you don't know the person that well, then maybe you should wait a bit before deciding to make things "official". No need to be hasty...

Half the decision to be in a relationship falls on you. You can't fault someone for being who they are any more than they can you. I can understand the desire for companionship, but I can't understand the way some folks go about it. Then again, I've recently been told--by a woman--that I'm "not human"...


----------



## Señor Voorhees

Konfyouzd said:


> While it's true that questioning one's trust can prove to be a hurtful thing, those with nothing to hide typically don't respond angrily. And anger in response to a question--in some cases--indicates that they're admitting fault without wishing to explicitly do so.



In a perfect world, yeah. Unfortunately people in general are dumb as ..... They don't like being wrong, and they don't like people falsely acusing them of being wrong, and they don't like jumping through any hoops to prove they did nothing wrong when they feel they truly did nothing wrong. Kinda like how some people give cops a hard time when if you just comply for ten seconds you will get out of there much more quickly and painlessly. My point is just that it may be stupid for somebody to get worked up, but getting worked up is not a sign of guilt by any stretch. Of course you used a lot of qualifiers, like "generally," so you're not wrong. Just thought a bit of elaboration was needed. It really does seem like a face to face is in order.


----------



## Konfyouzd

All very good points. I can really only speak from experience which obviously won't be the experience of others. Typically asking questions like, "You seem different lately. Is anything wrong?" is followed by a "No," and then them becoming even less responsive which I think would worry anyone, especially considering everyone speaks of wanting openness and communication in a relationship and very few actually follow through with that--seemingly whenever they find it convenient to be this way. It could be the case that it's true; things like, "I'm just tired," can be very much true. It's also a very common lie to get out of talking about whatever it is that's bothering you. So it can be an incredibly difficult call to make especially when all you can do is wait and hope the person comes out of whatever funk they were in.


----------



## ASoC

As someone who gave two years of my life to a girl who always answered with "nothing's wrong" and things of that nature when things were very obviously wrong, all you can do is assure them that you're there for them if they ever decide they need your help or your ear. 

Also important, though my girlfriend had always been reticent and prone to omitting things when she talked to me, it got MUCH worse towards the end of our relationship. Given that her reason for breaking up with me was because she just didn't have time for me anymore, I think it's safe to say that whatever problems she decided to face down alone are what ended our relationship. I think that's probably why it hurt so much (and still does everytime I think about it). To have absolutely loved this girl and to have shared dreams of a future together, and then to realize that she never truly trusted you. Ultimately, I saw that she didn't care about our relationship as much as I did, and It broke me in a big way. I've only recently started dating again because I've realized that even if this feeling never goes away, I can't let it ruin my life. As a much better writer than myself put it, "So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past." All I can do is soldier on and hope that I'll find someone somewhere. 

The point? Yes, some people are just naturally more secretive and even if you accept it as a character flaw of your partner, the lack of communication can easily lead to end of a relationship. Especially if it starts worsening. I think it's a shame that it happens, since I am of the opinion that talking things out can fix most anything. Sometimes all you can do is steel yourself for the end and hope it doesn't come to that.


----------



## cult

Something good from my side:

Going into my fourth year this thursday with my girlfriend, which means it's our three years anniversary.
we are living together for almost two years, so it seems the worst is over. 

Just happy about it and wanted to share


----------



## ftr

I don't think i am going to get a reply anytime soon. what should i do? i really don't feel like playing no texting games. i feel like no matter what i text i won't get a reply.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

ftr said:


> I don't think i am going to get a reply anytime soon. what should i do? i really don't feel like playing no texting games. i feel like no matter what i text i won't get a reply.



I don't think that you particularly care for my take on this as I've expressed my opinion already. I just don't see this progressing as you are wanting it to. 

But dude... at least in the most present context... There is really nothing that you can do. The more that you push... be it requesting that she talk to you or badgering her with texts ( albeit "well-meaning" but that is neither here nor there), the more toxic this will become. I really feel that you have to allow her to reply to you if and when she want's. 

Please recognize however, that you have a great advantage here in the fact that this is not a relationship of many many years. It hurts... hurts like hell, I know... but thankfully ( regardless of what happens long-term with you and she) this rough-road isn't happening after you invested years and years of thoughts, feelings, and work into it. 

Be the bigger person and be respectful of her and of your own integrity... Let it go for now. Find support in friends and other things to occupy your time and reflect upon things if you insist. Just don't drive yourself crazy with the "What if...?" and the "What could I have done differently?" scenarios. You can't beat yourself up over this. If it is meant to be than it will be, but you have to take a step back for now. Just my opinion.


----------



## asher

ftr said:


> I don't think i am going to get a reply anytime soon. what should i do? i really don't feel like playing no texting games. i feel like no matter what i text i won't get a reply.



Stop texting.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Sometimes you have to let things ride. I've found that letting go in these situations works best. Most ppl that do these sorts of things--assuming she's anything like those I've known--tend to come back later because they realize you're nothing like the experience that caused them to put up such a defense in the first place. That said, they seldom change in that respect. You may just be better off as friends in the long run which may be tough on you unfortunately.


----------



## naw38

asher said:


> Stop texting.



Pretty much this.

I've been on both sides of this, and here's the thing, if someone is constantly texting you and you're into it you're going to be really happy about it. Right? 
But if you're not happy with them and they keep on trying and trying all theyre going to do is piss you off and push you away. And vice versa.


----------



## ftr

what's is the longest you guys have went without receiving a text from your so when so was upset. the last text i got was on sunday. i know it kind of sounds like it, but i am not sending texts all of the time. the last text i sent was on monday i think.


----------



## broj15

naw38 said:


> Pretty much this.
> 
> I've been on both sides of this, and here's the thing, if someone is constantly texting you and you're into it you're going to be really happy about it. Right?
> But if you're not happy with them and they keep on trying and trying all theyre going to do is piss you off and push you away. And vice versa.



good advice. Really reminds me of this scene from Swingers:



"You can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back."


----------



## High Plains Drifter

ftr said:


> what's is the longest you guys have went without receiving a text from your so when so was upset. the last text i got was on sunday. i know it kind of sounds like it, but i am not sending texts all of the time. the last text i sent was on monday i think.



Man... I feel bad for you because you're beating yourself up with this one. It sucks.. It truly sucks! But this is how this kind of thing sometimes goes. You're gonna have to accept that this is not a situation where you're going to be able to get the resolve that you want. 

It honestly doesn't matter "how long is the longest time..." because that is absolutely no indicator of your particular situation nor is it going to help you gain any legitimate piece of mind. You're just going to have to ride this one out and from at least everything that I've read from you recently, I will again say that you are doing nothing positive... in obsessing over her, in texting her, etc. 

The healthiest thing for you to do is to try to distance yourself from her and from this mess. I know that's not going to happen just b/c some random dude on the internet suggested it but I really must stress to you that I ( as well as many others here) have been through this thing before and I know for a fact that you need to let this go... at least for now. 

"IF" you haven't texted her since Monday than that's awesome.. You're doing good. I hope that's the case and I hope that you are able to gain some solid perspective from the genuinely sincere replies that some have given you here in this thread. I really do wish you the best. You sound like a pretty nice dude and I hate seeing people get hurt but that pain is part of life and it will build your character and make you more able to cope with adversity in the future. Life is full of it and you need to be able to handle it without so much anxiety. 

Again... best of luck with everything, mate.


----------



## Bodes

High Plains Drifter said:


> ^ = Good Advice



Seriously, this is probably the best advice for you right now. I screwed up a relationship doing exactly the same thing, she went off with a male friend and I kept texting, that relationship didn't last a week after she got back.

Wait a few days or a week (which is going to eat you up) and really think about what your feelings about this current situation. Write your thoughts and feelings down, try and see it from her perspective. Once you have really thought about your feelings, THEN contact her to see if she is willing to discuss things.


----------



## MetalheadMC

^^^great points above. 

To go off of what Bodes said, write your feelings down. These are true raw emotions. Jot down how you feel and use it to help you write some lyrics. This is a music site after all. If you can use music as your outlet, it will definitely help the process until she's ready to talk.

I did exactly this and it got me through my recent divorce. Keep your head up!


----------



## ftr

i am really tempted to send a text saying come over and talk or don't bother coming over again. the last text i got was sunday which i replied to on monday and haven't texted since. i think it has been long enough to start talking now. why wait any longer? is it really that worth it to keep waiting? it kind of seems like i will never get a reply back.


----------



## UnderTheSign

I can guarantee you a text like that will not end well.


----------



## chaneisa

^ for sure. Being aggressive like that is not how most relationships go. You need to take the previously given advice and distance yourself. 

The way I view relationships is simple: you have to work for it, but that doesn't mean that working for it will guarantee success. If it's not going to work, it's not going to work. Trying to make it work as best you can doesn't always give you the best results. 

Distance yourself and let things play out. If things don't work out, then they weren't going to in the first place.


----------



## russmuller

UnderTheSign said:


> I can guarantee you a text like that will not end well.



THIS.


----------



## vividox

ftr, we've all been there, and it sucks, but any further prompting on your part is just going to drive the wedge that much deeper. If you hand her an ultimatum, the game is over and you will have lost. The only chance, ONLY chance, you have at getting anything out of this relationship is to flat out stop texting her. Not for a day. Not for a few days. Not for a week. Not for a month. Until she wants to talk to you.

But any text you send her before she wants to talk to you is a death sentence to anything that could possibly happen between you two.

Sometimes people just need time and space, and if you refuse to give it to them you only come across as needy and obsessive. And in those situations, being needy and obsessive ends up being the ultimate reason you're not worth their time anymore.


----------



## ftr

yeah. i have gained a lot strength from what all of you have said here and i really appreciate it. what bothers me a lot is things were just going so well, i never would have thought something like this would happen. it's hard to not think of what i could of done to make things different. not getting any texts just stings. i think of apologetic texts to send in my head a lot but i am just going to try to ride it out. but damn, a month seems a little extreme don't you think? i don't think what happened was that big of a deal.


----------



## chaneisa

ftr said:


> yeah. i have gained a lot strength from what all of you have said here and i really appreciate it. what bothers me a lot is things were just going so well, i never would have thought something like this would happen. it's hard to not think of what i could of done to make things different. not getting any texts just stings. i think of apologetic texts to send in my head a lot but i am just going to try to ride it out. but damn, a month seems a little extreme don't you think? i don't think what happened was that big of a deal.



Don't think about what caused whatever the issue is, brother. Whatever it was, IF there was anything, is already done, and until she is ready to talk to you, the best you can do is just chill out and focus on other things. Write music or play guitar.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Your life MUST continue on without her validation. It's so difficult when part of your heart is wrapped up in someone but the ONLY thing that will benefit you right now is to fill in this void with other means of positive re-enforcement. That means getting back to whatever it is that you enjoyed or did before she came along. At least for a while your normal activities may seem bittersweet but you don't have the option to "make" things "better". You also cannot hold your breath and wait for her... not given the current circumstances anyway. You may not understand why she isn't communicating but we do not always get the answers or the validation or the comfort that we are seeking. Sometimes it's just a dead issue and we have to move on with our lives and learn from our experiences. 

You're doing fantastic too btw. You're showing great restraint and integrity. Maybe not your finest moment behind closed doors but that's okay. It's okay to hurt, or cry, or yell, or feel angry, or abandoned, or confused. You just need to accept that you cannot change anything about whatever she feels now. Well... you can make things worse, but you cannot make things "better". It sucks to feel alone but you need to continue as you are. I swear to you that things will get better and that you will move forward and wind up in a much better place far beyond this as long as you push yourself to do so. Doesn't mean that you are completely alone either... Find support, guidance, and therapeutic assistance where it exists along the way. Life's not always pretty but you can manage this and you can arrive on the other side... a better, more secure, more independent, and more desirable person if you utilize this as a painful yet valuable learning experience.

I shouldn't add this but what the hell- The sometimes even more interesting situation comes after you HAVE gotten on with your life and then lo-and-behold she returns again out of the blue. I hope however, for your sake that you are able to get to a point that if she does come back and if you have indeed changed your perspective, that you are able to say "I don't really feel like getting involved with you again because of all that happened. Now I've healed and I don't think that we're right for each other as I have moved on with my life". I'll tell you what.. THAT can be a glorious and very empowering feeling. It feels pretty damned good when you become strong enough to not get sucked back in to something that you have come to appreciate was really never a good thing.

And none of this means that you and she will never resolve things, or be close, or intimate again, etc. Maybe you'll both grow and change or whatever. Circumstances do change certainly. But for now... I would consider this a prime opportunity to lick your wounds, pick yourself up, and move forward without her. 

Chin up, brother.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

ftr said:


> yeah. i have gained a lot strength from what all of you have said here and i really appreciate it. what bothers me a lot is things were just going so well, i never would have thought something like this would happen. it's hard to not think of what i could of done to make things different. not getting any texts just stings. i think of apologetic texts to send in my head a lot but i am just going to try to ride it out. but damn, a month seems a little extreme don't you think? i don't think what happened was that big of a deal.



so im going to say this: when it comes to relationships it takes two. 

i'll explain. your motivations are simple, you want her to talk to you and work this out. and your txts won't help. if you to see her want then follow all advice you have already been given. 

but this is a short relationship and its evidently a not very serious one. if it were serious her move wouldn't be to ignore you but to try and work it out. or try and speak with you. hence why it takes two.

she had a change of heart after she visited with her friend. she's distancing herself. happened to me once and it means its over. 

so move on. do other things. and meet other people. lots of opportunities for love in this world. 

now is the time to ind out what makes you the best version of yourself for yourself. and that's the best thing you can do for your love life


----------



## Nykur_Myrkvi

RE ftr: I'll agree with what most of the others are saying, you two need to either go your separate ways or sit down and properly talk this through. A long and healthy relationship requires that when problems come up you don't situate yourselves on opposite sides of said problem but stick together, facing the problem head on and fixing it, coming out stronger on the other side. If you don't come out on the other side there were problems there bigger than the one you're facing at that given time.

That's my two cents at least.

To follow that up, I haven't posted in here for about a year and a few months I think. I wrote about my serious, long term relationship turning into a long distance relationship as my girlfriend moved to the UK while I was still back in Iceland. We were sure we could make it work as we'd been together for almost 8 years at that point so even though it would be tough we were going to work through it.

Now, a year and a few months later I'm writing this sitting next to her on our couch, in our apartment in Bournemouth, married and our relationship is stronger than ever. I'll need to spend a couple of months away due to work soon but we're well prepared. We faced our most difficult year, not only due to the long distance thing but also some extreme situations within both of our families, but finished the year with a bang: Marriage, moving in together in a different country and I got the best job I've ever had.

Suddenly remembered I started this story here but never gave it the happy ending it deserved.


----------



## asher

Congrats man!!!!


----------



## Nykur_Myrkvi

Thanks, it's so good to be out of the various bad situations 2015 brought me but at the same time they make me appreciate the current situation a lot more.


----------



## Konfyouzd

vividox said:


> ftr, we've all been there, and it sucks, but any further prompting on your part is just going to drive the wedge that much deeper. If you hand her an ultimatum, the game is over and you will have lost. The only chance, ONLY chance, you have at getting anything out of this relationship is to flat out stop texting her. Not for a day. Not for a few days. Not for a week. Not for a month. Until she wants to talk to you.
> 
> But any text you send her before she wants to talk to you is a death sentence to anything that could possibly happen between you two.
> 
> Sometimes people just need time and space, and if you refuse to give it to them you only come across as needy and obsessive. And in those situations, being needy and obsessive ends up being the ultimate reason you're not worth their time anymore.



Kinda sucks that it works this way but it usually seems to be true.


----------



## BucketheadRules

I hope this isn't tempting fate but I'm very very happy with how things are going for me now... amazing how much difference two weeks can make. Seems like this girl is actually into me, and I like her too. Slept together last night, which went fairly well I think


----------



## Alberto7

BucketheadRules said:


> I hope this isn't tempting fate but I'm very very happy with how things are going for me now... amazing how much difference two weeks can make. Seems like this girl is actually into me, and I like her too. Slept together last night, which went fairly well I think



Happy to hear that dude!  I feel like you deserve this!


----------



## BucketheadRules

For once, having seen barely any films is proving to be an advantage... movie night (aka Netflix and chill amirite) planned


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

So I met this girl about 9 months ago... I always thought she was out of my league. Like WAY out of my league. 
I'm probably a 4/10, and she's easily an 8.5-9. 

That being said because I thought she was so far out of my league I never even tried pursuing her. Thought of her as nothing more than just a friend. Watched several friends try to pursue her and fail. 

About 3 months ago, she wanted to go to a specific hockey game and was trying to get friends to go with her, and as a huge hockey fan myself... Hell yeah I planned on going anyways. So I told her I'd go too with her group if she wanted.

Fast forward to the game (2 months ago) and nobody shows up. It's just the 2 of us. We have a few beers and hit it off really well, end up holding hands in our seats during the second period and she's flirting with me and stuff and touching me a lot so I follow with it... She was making it pretty obvious she was into me, and she is easily an 8.5-9/10 so I followed suit.

Our home team won, which was awesome. She asks me if I wanna hangout after the game. I say sure, and we end up drinking a 12 pack at a park walking distance from her place.
We end up making out for hours at the park and drinking and being merry through the night. She finally goes home and its around 5am by this point.

So we end up texting a bit and hanging out 2-4 times a week, every weekend evening/night. 

About 2 weeks ago, we hung out and slept together. Ended up having sex and stuff and anyways the next day asked her to be my girlfriend. (Not that they're correlated, it just came up in conversation the next day so I asked her)

So cool, I have a girlfriend now.

Here's the dilemma. I'm overwhelmed. She's literally "so far out of my league" I can't see what it is she possibly sees in me... and that being said it's also so incredibly hard not to be obsessive about her.

Usually if I get a one word text reply I just take it as "I'm not in the mood to talk right now and I'll message you when I am". So I reciprocate and just send a smiley or something so she knows I saw the message.

She'll then usually just message me when she wants to. Which is cool, we still talk every day. 

One word text replies never bothered me before, so why are they bothering me now?

Fvck it is hard to ignore the feeling that I like her WAY more than she likes me back. And that's the obsession kicking in. Which she has no idea about, because I've played it just as cool as she has about our relationship. So for all I know she could be doing the same thing and I don't even know. 

But its weird because I feel like it's my own mind playing the games with itself. She's just being my girlfriend. And I can't honestly expect 24/7 contact, we both work full-time and have very attentive work. 


All that being said, I also have no idea what a relationship should be like anyways considering the last relationship I had was about 7 years ago as a teenager. So an "adult" relationship is really new to me and I'm not sure how I should feel about certain scenarios and whether what feelings I do get are OK or not. 

Also, when we were a little inebriated together last weekend, she told me that she canceled on all her friends at the game so that it would end up being just us at the hockey game. Well, I'm kind of glad that happened.

What the hell does such a beautiful girl see in me? I can't comprehend it. 

How do I get this obsession over her feeling out of me, like before we started dating? I want my brain to stop asking itself questions and assuming stuff. Is that something only time can cure?


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Well- "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Unless you're typically attracted to dudes that look just like you, then you're probably not going to be able to figure this out... Maybe in time, but I wouldn't hold your breath on this one. It's not important. 

What is important is that you not sabotage yourself. Don't question things so much... certainly not to a point where you feel paranoid or inadequate. Don't obsess over certain curiosities to the point that it negatively affects the simplicity of 1+1 = 2. And that's really all that there is. One dude plus one chick coming together and establishing a seemingly good relationship. Also best to not over-analyze things nor put yourself down. The only thing that you need to make sure of, is that you maintain honesty, respect, and communication. 

I mean- We're in most instances not going to see ourselves as they see us. My fiance isn't like smoking hot but she's way cute and she possesses everything that she needs to land a FAR better dude than me. But what we have is very cool and it's a bond that will not be easily broken. It's not because we look like a power-couple together lol. It's because I make her laugh, I randomly do romantic things, and I make her feel validated/ secure/ loved/ respected/ appreciated. She does the same... Oh and she allows me to buy CRAP-TONS of gear & guitars!!!! So... 

Good luck. Sounds pretty good so far.


----------



## Bodes

ZeroTolerance94 said:


> Stuff and things



First things first: Bro-fist-bump for batting above your average. 

The more you are think you are out of her league and she can get someone "better" than you, you are going to cause unneeded tension due to your jealousy which will seep out of you.

Enjoy your time with her and take it one day at a time and only ever bring up your insecurities, in a non-accusatory way, IF AND ONLY IF it 100%, no-doubt-about-it, really appears that she is flirting with another bloke.

The texting thing is so individual, it is not funny. Some people hate constant texting, some love it, some like short texts, some prefer long conversations through texts. You might have to play this one by ear.

Maybe not text her one day and she initiates conversation? If you are always the one texting first, it _ may_ appear to her you are smothering her. Is she starts the convo with "you haven't texted me today" kind of thing, she is really interested and reply "Sorry, work is really busy atm. Can I text you once I'm done at about [insert time]".
Delaying a convo to try and gauge her reaction could help you think about her feelings toward you a little clearer.


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

Bodes said:


> First things first: Bro-fist-bump for batting above your average.
> 
> Maybe not text her one day and she initiates conversation? If you are always the one texting first, it _ may_ appear to her you are smothering her. Is she starts the convo with "you haven't texted me today" kind of thing, she is really interested and reply "Sorry, work is really busy atm. Can I text you once I'm done at about [insert time]".
> Delaying a convo to try and gauge her reaction could help you think about her feelings toward you a little clearer.



Thanks dude.

And yeah I did that after a couple weeks into the talking/dating phase. Ignored her good morning text to see what she'd do and she just sent me another text around midday telling me she's hoping my day is going well lol. Did that a couple times in the beginning yielding the same/similar result. I just ended up texting her when I got off work in the evening. All was dandy. 

Really just gauging it as she's not a very avid texter... which is fine, but it's the first girl I've ever dated/going into a relationship with that is like that. 

But then my mind starts ....ing with itself and wondering whether my gauging is correct. 

And I feel the only way to fix that is to just not analyze everything, but it's _*really*_ hard to do being i'm actually pretty obsessed with her. Which that fact I've tried to hide from her to the best of my ability... So she has no idea lol. 

Playing it by ear, it's pretty early in the relationship. Gonna have to take yall's advice and just take it day by day.


----------



## BlackMastodon

First off: congrats! 

Second, and what I think is most importan: no one is out of your league, or you should never think that someone is. The more you believe that and the more confident you are, the more attractive you'll be to women. It really doesn't have anything to do with you being a "4." That's not to say that people don't have a type and are gonna always be attracted to you, but you gotta give yourself some credit. 

Look, she actively ditched her friends so that it was just the 2 of you spending time. That alone is a huge sign that she wants to be with you in some capacity, not to mention that she's now your girlfriend. But she was also probably interested in you long before that since you said that your friends tried getting with her and failed, so she might've had her eye on you. 

She's with you, and she likes you. Stop over thinking it and enjoy your time with her! And hell, if you're curious why she's into you, ask her what she likes about you. It can help build your confidence and help you to not feel like she's out of your league.

Beat of luck, man!


----------



## BucketheadRules

BlackMastodon said:


> She's with you, and she likes you. Stop over thinking it and enjoy your time with her!



THIS!


----------



## BucketheadRules

Oh btw, a question folks - the other night, when we were about to have sex, she told me she was on the pill, I have no reason to think she'd lie about that (I doubt she wants to be pregnant at 19, living in a different time zone to the rest of her family, any more than I want her to be ) and so we did it without condoms, and presumably will for the foreseeable - I know the pill is generally very effective but still, is this stupid?


----------



## naw38

From a pregnancy perspective, probably not. But from a herpes, syphilis, gonorrhoea, chlamydia and burning crotch perspective? Probably not the cleverest of ideas.

I'd probably do it.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

BucketheadRules said:


> Oh btw, a question folks - the other night, when we were about to have sex, she told me she was on the pill, I have no reason to think she'd lie about that (I doubt she wants to be pregnant at 19, living in a different time zone to the rest of her family, any more than I want her to be ) and so we did it without condoms, and presumably will for the foreseeable - I know the pill is generally very effective but still, is this stupid?



you should be pretty safe. as long as she's good about not mixing while on antibiotics you're gonna be fine. My wife was on the pill for a while and we never had an issue. 

the only thing that will come up is if she's late that month you both will freak out a bit.

other than that have fun!


----------



## asher

^those.

Keep some around anyway. Depending on the particular medication she is using, a missed day could be fine or very risky.


----------



## UnderTheSign

I'd still use a condom the first few months. Just to be safe and all that. After that, when you feel a bit safer, it's up to preference. I've been with my gf for 2,5 years and still wear them from time to time because she dislikes the feeling when I come inside her and I don't like pulling out. Thin condoms are a godsend.


----------



## ftr

well it has officially been a week since either of us have texted each other. i have to say even though we haven't broken up i feel like i have already went through the heavy emotions of a break up. i was feeling fine for a couple days and then yesterday emotions hit me hard again. i don't know what it going on, i don't know if she is going to break up with me or not. i remember last time we talked in person she said something like your not going to break up with me over this are you? that would be really ....ty''. so i am confused, maybe she decided to after those ....ty passive aggressive texts i sent. i still don't plan on texting, even though i think of apologetic texts to send alot. i feel like urge i had was gone and i feel like i could go a month, maybe more without texting her. but i am also thinking is that the right thing to do? sometimes i think i should send her another text to give her something a little easier to respond to. i could see why it would it hard to reply to my last texts a week later. i think i am overthinking things again. but whether we break up or not, i feel like i am benefiting from this break. i have been contemplating things that i probably would not have if this whole thing didn't even happen.


----------



## TheHandOfStone

RE: the pill, typical use rates are around 95% IIRC (i.e. 95% of couples who use it for one year won't get pregnant factoring in human error). That's pretty good as far as single-method contraception goes; you won't get much better unless you go with an IUD or other semi-permanent hormonal device, or if you combine the pill with condoms. The bigger issue is whether or not you and your partner have been tested. If you both come back negative and you're monogamous, there isn't much reason to worry IMO.


----------



## cult

TheHandOfStone said:


> RE: the pill, typical use rates are around 95% IIRC (i.e. 95% of couples who use it for one year won't get pregnant factoring in human error). That's pretty good as far as single-method contraception goes; you won't get much better unless you go with an IUD or other semi-permanent hormonal device, or if you combine the pill with condoms. The bigger issue is whether or not you and your partner have been tested. If you both come back negative and you're monogamous, there isn't much reason to worry IMO.



This.

If you want to get tested, might as well donate some blood.
In Germany you'll be tested for HIV and be told the results if you ask.

Other than that, there's not much harm in having yourself tested once in a while. I work with blood and serum, so I'm getting tested every 6 months or so.


----------



## BucketheadRules

TheHandOfStone said:


> RE: the pill, typical use rates are around 95% IIRC (i.e. 95% of couples who use it for one year won't get pregnant factoring in human error). That's pretty good as far as single-method contraception goes; you won't get much better unless you go with an IUD or other semi-permanent hormonal device, or if you combine the pill with condoms. The bigger issue is whether or not you and your partner have been tested. If you both come back negative and you're monogamous, there isn't much reason to worry IMO.



Well she was my first so there's no way I've given her anything... idk about her in all honesty. I'm sure she's fine too but I don't actually know.


----------



## cult

BucketheadRules said:


> I'm sure she's fine too but I don't actually know.



People are also quite sure about the existence or non-existence of a higher entity.
Not too cause you too many worries, but better be safe than sorry.


----------



## UnderTheSign

BucketheadRules said:


> Well she was my first so there's no way I've given her anything... idk about her in all honesty. I'm sure she's fine too but I don't actually know.



I'd both just get tested and be done with it dude. Unless you're phobic of needles, you've got nothing to lose and your safety to win.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

ftr said:


> well it has officially been a week since either of us have texted each other. i have to say even though we haven't broken up i feel like i have already went through the heavy emotions of a break up. i was feeling fine for a couple days and then yesterday emotions hit me hard again. i don't know what it going on, i don't know if she is going to break up with me or not. i remember last time we talked in person she said something like your not going to break up with me over this are you? that would be really ....ty''. so i am confused, maybe she decided to after those ....ty passive aggressive texts i sent. i still don't plan on texting, even though i think of apologetic texts to send alot. i feel like urge i had was gone and i feel like i could go a month, maybe more without texting her. but i am also thinking is that the right thing to do? sometimes i think i should send her another text to give her something a little easier to respond to. i could see why it would it hard to reply to my last texts a week later. i think i am overthinking things again. but whether we break up or not, i feel like i am benefiting from this break. i have been contemplating things that i probably would not have if this whole thing didn't even happen.



if you do txt make it an apology, but don't expect anything from it. again, the fact that this led to both of you not speaking for a week is not a good sign... its true you bungled the initial reaction, but she didn't try to fix it either. and it takes both of you to fix a problem. 

but that's just my opinion, do what you think is right


----------



## glassmoon0fo

ZeroTolerance94 said:


> So I met this girl about 9 months ago... I always thought she was out of my league. Like WAY out of my league.
> I'm probably a 4/10, and she's easily an 8.5-9.
> 
> That being said because I thought she was so far out of my league I never even tried pursuing her. Thought of her as nothing more than just a friend. Watched several friends try to pursue her and fail.
> 
> About 3 months ago, she wanted to go to a specific hockey game and was trying to get friends to go with her, and as a huge hockey fan myself... Hell yeah I planned on going anyways. So I told her I'd go too with her group if she wanted.
> 
> Fast forward to the game (2 months ago) and nobody shows up. It's just the 2 of us. We have a few beers and hit it off really well, end up holding hands in our seats during the second period and she's flirting with me and stuff and touching me a lot so I follow with it... She was making it pretty obvious she was into me, and she is easily an 8.5-9/10 so I followed suit.
> 
> Our home team won, which was awesome. She asks me if I wanna hangout after the game. I say sure, and we end up drinking a 12 pack at a park walking distance from her place.
> We end up making out for hours at the park and drinking and being merry through the night. She finally goes home and its around 5am by this point.
> 
> So we end up texting a bit and hanging out 2-4 times a week, every weekend evening/night.
> 
> About 2 weeks ago, we hung out and slept together. Ended up having sex and stuff and anyways the next day asked her to be my girlfriend. (Not that they're correlated, it just came up in conversation the next day so I asked her)
> 
> So cool, I have a girlfriend now.
> 
> Here's the dilemma. I'm overwhelmed. She's literally "so far out of my league" I can't see what it is she possibly sees in me... and that being said it's also so incredibly hard not to be obsessive about her.
> 
> Usually if I get a one word text reply I just take it as "I'm not in the mood to talk right now and I'll message you when I am". So I reciprocate and just send a smiley or something so she knows I saw the message.
> 
> She'll then usually just message me when she wants to. Which is cool, we still talk every day.
> 
> One word text replies never bothered me before, so why are they bothering me now?
> 
> Fvck it is hard to ignore the feeling that I like her WAY more than she likes me back. And that's the obsession kicking in. Which she has no idea about, because I've played it just as cool as she has about our relationship. So for all I know she could be doing the same thing and I don't even know.
> 
> But its weird because I feel like it's my own mind playing the games with itself. She's just being my girlfriend. And I can't honestly expect 24/7 contact, we both work full-time and have very attentive work.
> 
> 
> All that being said, I also have no idea what a relationship should be like anyways considering the last relationship I had was about 7 years ago as a teenager. So an "adult" relationship is really new to me and I'm not sure how I should feel about certain scenarios and whether what feelings I do get are OK or not.
> 
> Also, when we were a little inebriated together last weekend, she told me that she canceled on all her friends at the game so that it would end up being just us at the hockey game. Well, I'm kind of glad that happened.
> 
> What the hell does such a beautiful girl see in me? I can't comprehend it.
> 
> How do I get this obsession over her feeling out of me, like before we started dating? I want my brain to stop asking itself questions and assuming stuff. Is that something only time can cure?



Dude, if you're smart, you'll keep doing exactly what you've been doing, down to the neurotic obsession and your hiding of it. The rule is simple, "keep what works, discard what doesn't". Good job man, keep enjoying those sweet walls


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

glassmoon0fo said:


> Dude, if you're smart, you'll keep doing exactly what you've been doing, down to the neurotic obsession and your hiding of it. The rule is simple, "keep what works, discard what doesn't". Good job man, keep enjoying those sweet walls



"Keep what works, discard what doesn't." *repeats to self several times*

Taking it day by day. It's _really_ early in the relationship, we'll see how long it plays out. 


Reason I posted Sunday is because I was a little worried I did something wrong on Saturday because she barely texted me at all on Sunday... Probably sent/received 5 messages all day. 

But, it's all dandy now. I'm just going to guess her being hungover and not wanting to text all day. I haven't/didn't bring up the lack of communication on Sunday, as yesterday and today she's been acting normal and like it's not even a problem we barely talked Sunday. _Therefore _it probably *isnt a problem, *and I just over analyze everything because I'm crazy about her. So I'll choose to ignore Sunday and expect more days like that in the future. 

Every girl I've talked to sends like 400+ texts/day. My girlfriend will probably send closer to 30. And so I reciprocate as such... 

When we first started talking it was probably closer to 100 per day maybe. I can understand it slowing down over the weeks, especially if she's not a big texter to begin with. So, I'm just rolling with it. I like her and she tells me she likes me too, so be it.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

It bothered me how much my fiance was texting me.  

So I just asked her to move in with me. 

Should've thought that one through a little better.


----------



## Alberto7

We all seem to be having issues with texting recently. Goddamnit. 

So bakery girl has turned all flaky on me all of a sudden. Last week we saw each other almost every day, and she kept texting and snapping me all kinds of lovey dovey sh!t at all times of the day. We were having tons of fun and she was very responsive to everything I did and said. Then, she cancelled plans we had for Friday night (even though I'd seen her earlier in the afternoon and she'd confirmed the plan) on the basis that she got too high with her friend... wtf. But whatever; I let it slide. She then went on to also cancel plans we'd made for Saturday and went to a rave instead. Now, suddenly, since then, barely anything. The only text I got back was Monday (yesterday). I told her in the morning that I missed her, which went unanswered until late in the afternoon with "Sorry I've been working all day, what's up?" I replied describing how my day had been, and asked her about hers. I've yet to receive a reply for that. Of course, she's been posting tons of sh!t on Snapchat and Facebook, so it's not like she hasn't had time.

Our schedules coincide tomorrow, so I'm gonna ask her if she wants to meet up. I'm making that a last chance before I pull the plug, because I really do not have the patience to deal with that (and maybe that's my fault). It would bum me out a bit though, because, one, I want to know if it was something I did (which honestly didn't seem to be the case... or maybe I'm just naive and oblivious), and two, because I really missed being intimate with someone.


----------



## Alberto7

High Plains Drifter said:


> It bothered me how much my fiance was texting me.
> 
> So I just asked her to move in with me.
> 
> Should've thought that one through a little better.



Don't say that to a guy that's been dating the girl for a week!


----------



## MFB

"Bakery girls been flaking on me"


...weseewhatyoudidthere...


----------



## Alberto7

If you must know, I totally didn't say that on purpose.  Touché!


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Alberto7 said:


> So bakery girl has turned all flaky on me...



I can NOT be the only one that found that statement hilarious!? 

Yep... I've been thru tons of relationships and I agree with you. I would not have the patience for that kind of behavior. 

I would also be curious as you are... as to if I did anything to affect her feelings but let's face it, if there was any true feelings of respect/ depth towards you, then she wouldn't have been so obviously flippant. She seems completely detached... and/ or completely oblivious. I think you have a good handle on this. You need some kind of solace or closure or something. Tell her what my dad used to tell me all the time...

"Sh!t or get off the pot!" 

... although I might put it a bit more eloquently lol. 

Good luck.

EDIT> In with MFB lol.


----------



## Alberto7

High Plains Drifter said:


> I can NOT be the only one that found that statement hilarious!?



Again, I didn't even realize it when I wrote it. 



High Plains Drifter said:


> I think you have a good handle on this.



I feel like I do, and I'm kind of proud of it, but it's hard trying to convince myself that I can handle it just fine, when I've always actually sucked at handling things like these, and it's only now that I'm building a lot more character. I did have a pretty rough day on Saturday when I realized she'd bailed (read: "flaked" ) on me. Brought back a lot of left over anxiety and insecurities from my previous failed experience. (That, and I was overwhelmed with school work. Never a good mix.) I found solace in catching up with work that night, oddly enough.



High Plains Drifter said:


> You need some kind of solace or closure or something.



And that I did get.

I sent her a text asking her if she was okay, since she hadn't been at all talkative recently. Her response was very clear, to the point, and honestly made everything a lot easier. In a multi-paragraph text, she said that she just wasn't feeling whatever it was we had, but that she needed some time to figure it out (and thus her unwarranted, sudden detachment + silence). I got the usual "you're really awesome, and a really cool person, I enjoyed our time together a lot" and blah blah, but that we're looking for different things (and indeed we were), and that she still wishes me the best. She also said we could talk about it more if I wanted to.

I answered back saying that I thought that was all fair, and that I actually had the intention of talking to her about just that, so we were definitely on the same page. I did say I was willing to carry on with it just for the "fun stuff," but that I understood her decision and that I was okay with it. I also told her my complaint about her extremely sudden change in attitude, and how I wish that had been different. I told her I believed she must have had her reasons for having been so extreme about it, and that, at this point, I wasn't going to question it, nor am I going to hold it against her.

I reciprocated the good wishes, and added a few words of encouragement, because I genuinely do like her and think she's a great person, in spite of our differences. I told her how I'm willing to still catch up with her every now and again just to see what's up, and that I'd love to sit down with her and still have a good chat, stress free and without unnecessary tension, but that for now I suppose it's best if we leave things off as they are. G'bye, take care of yourself, yadda yadda yadda, the end.

Haven't got a reply for that yet (it was past midnight when we texted each other), but I'm fine with not getting one either.

Needless to say, I am super bummed out about it, since I did like her, and I feel like it would have been more cathartic/therapeutic for me had it been just a little longer. But I'm also super happy that we managed to leave it off on a good note (I assume), and that she was so straight with me, and herself. It's the kind of adult closure that I wish these things always had... then again, it was only a couple of weeks, so it's not like there were massively strong feelings in between. Assuming she takes well everything I said, I'm happy that I at least made an interesting new friend.

... that, and I met this gorgeous girl last week with whom I got along pretty well and had a lot in common with. Didn't do anything because I wasn't yet sure how things were going with bakery girl, but now that I'm in the clear, at least I have my eye somewhere else. 

Tonight I sleep sad, but at peace.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Netflix and chill went very badly in terms of watching movies but extremely well in terms of other things. EXTREMELY well.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Alberto7 said:


> ... that, and I met this gorgeous girl last week with whom I got along pretty well and had a lot in common with. Didn't do anything because I wasn't yet sure how things were going with bakery girl, but now that I'm in the clear, at least I have my eye somewhere else.
> 
> Tonight I sleep sad, but at peace.



considering your last experience a little detour like that never hurts. good on you for keeping your head on your shoulders and rational. 

also props to keeping your head on a swivel and your options open. Good luck!


----------



## vividox

BucketheadRules said:


> Netflix and chill went very badly in terms of watching movies but extremely well in terms of other things. EXTREMELY well.


Bow chicka bow bow.


----------



## Alberto7

Ibanezsam4 said:


> considering your last experience a little detour like that never hurts. good on you for keeping your head on your shoulders and rational.
> 
> also props to keeping your head on a swivel and your options open. Good luck!



I won't lie; I am quite pleased with how I handled it. After my previous experience, I thought I'd become a mess, and that anything else that came my way would destroy me. Go figure, what I did instead was build a stronger character.  Thanks for the words man! 



BucketheadRules said:


> Netflix and chill went very badly in terms of watching movies but extremely well in terms of other things. EXTREMELY well.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Was originally just gonna throw this into the "What are you listening to?" thread, but...

Anyway... I don't really play too much funky music but since getting into bass-guitar recently, I've been digging into old hip-hop and r&b... a definite departure from my normally metal/ progressive tastes. 

So last night I'm really grooving with this old Parliament song... Got the scented candles kickin' along with the green & blue ambient lighting... house is clean, I'm smelling good, long hair all down in my face... and in walks my girl home from work. 

So she comes in the room... stands there for a few minutes watching me, then drops her purse on the floor and politely says "Pants... Off... Now!". I looked up and smiled faintly... still jamming, and say "In a few lol."

Keep in mind that she's normally pretty timid and very composed, and doesn't even listen to old funk like this but now she walks right over to my amp, turns it off, and quite assertively says "No... NOW!" 

So... "moral" of the story? 

Throw on some of this and turn the lights down low... Cause this is the groove that apparently gets you a first-class ticket on-board the [email protected] train!! 

TL;DR --->  +  = & 

Give it a spin and watch the panties fly through the air!


----------



## asher




----------



## Konfyouzd

High Plains Drifter said:


> It bothered me how much my fiance was texting me.
> 
> So I just asked her to move in with me.
> 
> Should've thought that one through a little better.


----------



## vividox

High Plains Drifter said:


> Was originally just gonna throw this into the "What are you listening to?" thread, but...
> 
> Anyway... I don't really play too much funky music but since getting into bass-guitar recently, I've been digging into old hip-hop and r&b... a definite departure from my normally metal/ progressive tastes.
> 
> So last night I'm really grooving with this old Parliament song... Got the scented candles kickin' along with the green & blue ambient lighting... house is clean, I'm smelling good, long hair all down in my face... and in walks my girl home from work.
> 
> So she comes in the room... stands there for a few minutes watching me, then drops her purse on the floor and politely says "Pants... Off... Now!". I looked up and smiled faintly... still jamming, and say "In a few lol."
> 
> Keep in mind that she's normally pretty timid and very composed, and doesn't even listen to old funk like this but now she walks right over to my amp, turns it off, and quite assertively says "No... NOW!"
> 
> So... "moral" of the story?
> 
> Throw on some of this and turn the lights down low... Cause this is the groove that apparently gets you a first-class ticket on-board the [email protected] train!!
> 
> TL;DR --->  +  = &
> 
> Give it a spin and watch the panties fly through the air!



Clearly this experiment needs a larger sample size. I volunteer.


----------



## Alberto7

High Plains Drifter said:


> Was originally just gonna throw this into the "What are you listening to?" thread, but...
> 
> Anyway... I don't really play too much funky music but since getting into bass-guitar recently, I've been digging into old hip-hop and r&b... a definite departure from my normally metal/ progressive tastes.
> 
> So last night I'm really grooving with this old Parliament song... Got the scented candles kickin' along with the green & blue ambient lighting... house is clean, I'm smelling good, long hair all down in my face... and in walks my girl home from work.
> 
> So she comes in the room... stands there for a few minutes watching me, then drops her purse on the floor and politely says "Pants... Off... Now!". I looked up and smiled faintly... still jamming, and say "In a few lol."
> 
> Keep in mind that she's normally pretty timid and very composed, and doesn't even listen to old funk like this but now she walks right over to my amp, turns it off, and quite assertively says "No... NOW!"
> 
> So... "moral" of the story?
> 
> Throw on some of this and turn the lights down low... Cause this is the groove that apparently gets you a first-class ticket on-board the [email protected] train!!
> 
> TL;DR --->  +  = &
> 
> Give it a spin and watch the panties fly through the air!




Omg I'm so down


----------



## ftr

it's been 9 ....ing days since either of us have texted. i am at the point where if she does text me i am not even going to respond. i think i am going to break up with her tonight. i feel i already went through emotions of a break up so i better just end it now.


----------



## BucketheadRules

I asked her if I should have any concerns about us having unprotected sex (in terms of catching anything) and she said, and I quote, "No, you don't have to worry about anything", which is cool but I'm still tossing and turning about whether or not to use condoms, even though I find them uncomfortable and can't seem to even put one on without losing my boner.

I also had a supremely uncomfortable conversation with my dad where he basically told me not using them was "f*cking mental" and that he's now "trusting me" to use them for the time being... which I do understand, but I'm wondering if a) I really have that much to worry about and b) I could ever enjoy myself as much using them.

Gah.


----------



## flint757

There's risk obviously, but it's not like everyone has an STD. The majority of STD's she'd know she has if she isn't lying about it. The ones she wouldn't know, like HIV, are incredibly unreliable to determine in blood work. In like the first year or two if you had it you'd show up as a false negative in most cases, as I understand it. Perhaps it's incredibly irresponsible, but I don't know anyone personally who's dragged their partners to get tested and their reasoning for using or not using a condom was largely about potential offspring rather than diseases. YMMV

I'd be more concerned about a lapse, due to medication or negligence, in her birth control leading to pregnancy over getting an STI/STD personally.


----------



## vividox

Yeah, pregnancy is a much bigger problem than STDs for me. The Gonorrhea/Syphilis types are bacterial and are gone in two weeks using a Z-pack, Herpes is actually quite manageable and not nearly as bad as it's made out to be. HIV is a bad news bear, but you're more likely to contract it by sharing needles. But children are a disease that rewrite your responsibilities and amount of disposable income for life. Eff that. It's always a good idea to wear a condom, but if she says she's clean, there's really no need to be paranoid about it (unless she's known to be a pathological liar or something).


----------



## naw38

I've had plenty of prophylactic problems in the past, due to negligence, accidents and plain old being a teenager. I've been very lucky though(except for that time I got my wife pregnant when the Japanese condom we were using broke, except that's a lie we told her parents). Never had any problems in a monogamous relationship using the pill though. 

Polyamory problem - when rolling cigarettes with your wife and girlfriend, who do you pass the filters and papers to?
Answer - throw them down in between everybody and let them sort it out.


----------



## UnderTheSign

BucketheadRules said:


> I asked her if I should have any concerns about us having unprotected sex (in terms of catching anything) and she said, and I quote, "No, you don't have to worry about anything", which is cool but I'm still tossing and turning about whether or not to use condoms, even though I find them uncomfortable and can't seem to even put one on without losing my boner.
> 
> I also had a supremely uncomfortable conversation with my dad where he basically told me not using them was "f*cking mental" and that he's now "trusting me" to use them for the time being... which I do understand, but I'm wondering if a) I really have that much to worry about and b) I could ever enjoy myself as much using them.
> 
> Gah.


Dude, get into those thinner rubbers by Durex etc. Durex Elite, Real Feel, basically all the new ones feel pretty good. I mean, it's not 100% 'real' feeling, but unless you're way over or undersized they're well usable. 

I hear a lot of guys from the USA complaining about rubbers being uncomfortable and it might have to do with most of them being cut though?

Maybe I'm just a little iffy about not using them the first couple of weeks/months, but that's me. Rather safe than sorry I guess.


----------



## Alberto7

Wear glow in the dark condoms. They're a f*cking blast.  I just kept pretending I was a Jedi. Then again, she was awfully quirky, and liked nerdy and kinky sh*i*t like that.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Aaaaaaand.... just like that, my fascination of light-sabres takes an unexpected plummet. 

I may never look at a Jedi/ Sith battle quite the same way ever again.


----------



## BucketheadRules

UnderTheSign said:


> I hear a lot of guys from the USA complaining about rubbers being uncomfortable and it might have to do with most of them being cut though?



If by that you mean circumcised, I am as well and I wonder if that's what makes them uncomfortable for me? Dunno.


----------



## asher

BucketheadRules said:


> If by that you mean circumcised, I am as well and I wonder if that's what makes them uncomfortable for me? Dunno.



It's never bothered me 

They suck, but just because it's better without.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Maybe we're on to something here. I've got a turtle neck and don't find them uncomfortable.


----------



## UnderTheSign

BucketheadRules said:


> If by that you mean circumcised, I am as well and I wonder if that's what makes them uncomfortable for me? Dunno.


Yeah, circumcised is what I meant. It basically makes the head a lot less sensitive so I can imagine wearing a condom only makes it worse. I dunno. I'm European and learned how to wash it properly instead of getting my foreskin chopped off


----------



## BucketheadRules

UnderTheSign said:


> Yeah, circumcised is what I meant. It basically makes the head a lot less sensitive so I can imagine wearing a condom only makes it worse. I dunno. I'm European and learned how to wash it properly instead of getting my foreskin chopped off



I'm European too. It was done for medical reasons when I was a few months old, I didn't get a lot of say in it and I'm glad it was done or the old fella might not work properly now  As it is, it seems to be doing a pretty good job, if what she tells me is correct 

I dunno, maybe uncomfortable wasn't the right word. If anything it feels too tight around the lower end, further up isn't such an issue.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Make sure you have a good fit, too. A lot of guys use ill fitting condoms without knowing it. Outside of that, people are different from one to the next. Some get along fine with them, some lose sensation, some are selfish and claim they can't when they just won't. 

I haven't been with too many guys, but in my limited experience regardless of if you're circumcized it makes little difference. Equal complaining, I mean. (As far as condom comfort goes... can't speak for sensation since I lack the proper gear.)


----------



## UnderTheSign

BucketheadRules said:


> I'm European too. It was done for medical reasons when I was a few months old, I didn't get a lot of say in it and I'm glad it was done or the old fella might not work properly now  As it is, it seems to be doing a pretty good job, if what she tells me is correct
> 
> I dunno, maybe uncomfortable wasn't the right word. If anything it feels too tight around the lower end, further up isn't such an issue.


What brand do you use? There's definitely difference in fit. I've mostly used Durex as those are most commonly available but even in those there's a huge difference. Some are a great fit, some I could barely even get on.


----------



## BucketheadRules

UnderTheSign said:


> What brand do you use? There's definitely difference in fit. I've mostly used Durex as those are most commonly available but even in those there's a huge difference. Some are a great fit, some I could barely even get on.



The ones I have atm are just standard Durex extra-safe ones, been wondering about getting something else but I don't know what the best fit would be for me.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Also, condoms are worth the trouble in young relationships. I don't take anyone's word for how clean they are or their sexual past if they're new to me. On top of that, there's the risk of pregnancy. For many reasons, your dad is generally right in saying its mental to go without. (There are exceptions, but that's a longer story.) I was quite adventurous a few years back, and protection was always a must. With my current partner its of zero concern, but I've built loads of trust with her over the years.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Trial and error. I'm not familiar with the extra safe but I've had most of their thinner line. In the UK, look for Ultra Thin Feeling or, if those turn out to be a little tight (they can be, though a minute into it I don't really notice anymore), maybe try Real Feel which are slightly wider and a different material. There should also be an indication of what kind of fit it is on the box. Some condoms are more like a 'straight fit' while most of the thinner ones are made to fit more comfortably - like whoever designed them suddenly realised they're supposed to fit dicks, not straight dildos.


----------



## flint757

If you're not sure what type would work for you there are places online where you can get sample packs with a variety of brands and sizes in them for not much money. Might be worth doing instead of buying several 12 packs you'll never finish off.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Ok I figured "f*ck it, may as well do this properly" and ordered a pack from here:

TheyFit &mdash; 95 Condom Sizes

Entered my measurements and got some which should fit perfectly - they have 95 different sizes. I didn't realise that most standard condoms are 8" long... I'm not doing too badly size-wise but I certainly don't need that much length, so it bunches up at the end and that makes everything go wrong - I always find them too tight, and the bunching up accentuates that, while also making them more likely to slip as well. These shouldn't do that in theory - I'm pretty sure this is the best I can do condoms-wise, and hopefully they'll arrive before I see her next.

And she just said something like "I really like falling asleep in your arms"... I think my heart just melted a bit, how fkin cute is that


----------



## asher

cuddles are the kittening best.


----------



## Alberto7

BucketheadRules said:


> And she just said something like "I really like falling asleep in your arms"... I think my heart just melted a bit, how fkin cute is that



Those kinds of comments get me going more than the thought of having sex with her. Bakery girl was the first person I'd been with in over 3 years, and, despite having seen each other for a couple of (pretty intense) weeks, that kind of talk, plus making out, cuddling in bed, and the coziness of waking up with someone I really like in my arms are what made me miss being intimate with someone the most.

So yeah, cherish that while you have it! 

Regarding the condom talk, I was going to suggest getting a variety pack and trying them out. But what you did with that webpage seems like a better option. Personally, I've always found condoms uncomfortable because they can be slightly tight and even difficult to put on, but by the point I have to put one on, I don't usually a sh!t anymore.


----------



## boroducci

condoms? 11 years with my wife, no condoms at all, no other contraception. It's very cool))


----------



## BucketheadRules

Just had the delivery email and they ain't gonna arrive before I see her next  So I guess I'm gonna have to use some uncomfortable badly-sized boner-killing p.o.s. condoms and it won't feel anywhere near as good. Great.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

just to add my 2 cents to the condom information. condoms are like shoes, each company uses a different "last" or shape. 

so basically one dingus shape set the bar for most major makers.

idk about you, but all of our junk has different sizes and is formed a little differently. 

so i fit a very particular brand of trojan cool but it never felt secure at the base. seems my meat missile is like an inverted guitar neck and is narrower at the base and not the head.... stock. 

so i switched brands and got a better fit and it was great

so experiment with different brands


----------



## vilk

I used to have issues with condoms, to the point where I would not use them because I hated the ....s. Obviously going bareback feels better isn't really up for debate, but I've come to figure out what was going on and a way to beat it.

I'm not a centaur or anything (I'm not 8" which is apparently the standard condom length), but like other dudeman said condoms were tight and sometimes it even made me lose my boner. For a while I thought it was nerves but I couldn't figure out why getting laid would make me nervous when I didn't feel that way. I would find a way to get past it usually, but I would always notice a dark ring around the shaft after taking it off. I figured that's just part of the beast. I would also frequently break condoms--for a long time I felt "I don't see how condoms are gonna protect me from STDs if they friggin break half the time!". Lube helps them not break, but I mean not everyone is toting lube around with them every time they end up getting some.



Well, I switched to magnum condoms and I've never had a problem since. I felt silly buying them the first time, because like I said I'm not hung like a porn star or anything, but they're infinitely better. Never have fallen off, haven't broke one yet either. They go right on, when I used to have to literally fight the rubber onto my dick. 

So keep in mind, even if you don't consider yourself to be packin' a giant dong, magnum or XL sizes will be better for you if you're above average girth, which I think is the case for me. Like, girls always tell guys their thing is huge, so I never payed any hedance to it. And condoms are super stretchy, I've seen people put regular sized ones over their entire head, so why should it be so tight on my D as to ruin sex? I can't explain, I can only relate my story.


----------



## BucketheadRules

vilk said:


> So keep in mind, even if you don't consider yourself to be packin' a giant dong, magnum or XL sizes will be better for you if you're above average girth, which I think is the case for me.



Perhaps for me too - seems like the case. I might have to investigate. What's the length like on those, and how do you deal with having the extra? Any tips for how to minimise the intrusion of the extra length when it bunches up? Do you have to roll it up or some sh*t?


----------



## vilk

I just put it on, roll it down, and ... you know the rest!

Yeah, there's some extra headroom in there, but I don't really notice it and it never moves up my shaft as though it were gonna come off so who gives a hoot!


----------



## UnderTheSign

You also don't have to roll it all 8". That's why they're so long, to accomodate different lengths. It's perfectly fine if the last inch, half inch, whatever, stays rolled up.


----------



## ASoC

UnderTheSign said:


> Some condoms are more like a 'straight fit' while most of the thinner ones are made to fit more comfortably - like whoever designed them suddenly realised they're supposed to fit dicks, not straight dildos.



You know, I have a pretty much perfectly straight dick and I generally just find condoms to be too tight, especially around the base. This was doubly true when I had a girlfriend who was allergic to latex. That was a nightmare until she got on the pill and I stopped using them. Can't speak for the straightness issue though, I can't imagine what it must be like trying to put one on when you've got a boomerwang 

Edit: And yes, that entire post was crafted to lead up to "boomerwang"


----------



## BucketheadRules

Meh, in the absence of anything better for the time being, I just went and bought some Durex Thin Feels and some lube, which I've never tried before but will hopefully be fun... excited for my proper ones to arrive though.


----------



## Alberto7

I like how now I have a mental image of what all your dicks look like.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

vilk said:


> I just put it on, roll it down, and ... you know the rest!
> 
> Yeah, there's some extra headroom in there, but I don't really notice it and it never moves up my shaft as though it were gonna come off so who gives a hoot!



this perfectly illustrates my point and raises another. condoms can also be like amplifiers. 

sure, a 30 watt can do the job, but for some people you need more headroom so you don't break up so quickly. in which case its perfectly ok to try a 100 watt


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Sea-turtle with a broken neck hiding in an Easter basket garnished with two dehydrated kiwis... checking in here.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Alberto7 said:


> I like how now I have a mental image of what all your dicks look like.



Mine is so enormous it requires a full-size human knee in the middle.


----------



## TheHandOfStone

High Plains Drifter said:


> Sea-turtle with a broken neck hiding in an Easter basket garnished with two dehydrated kiwis... checking in here.


----------



## piggins411

I'm looking at about a 30 degree tilt to the left here


----------



## Konfyouzd

Wtf just happened?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Every so often I do the "spring cleaning" equivalent of sifting through friends, acquaintances, associates and what-have-you that I actually want to remain in my life. It's odd to me that I prefer to associate w most of you all despite not knowing you all more than those closest to me. But I think the time has come again for another "cleaning". I'm not sure if it's good or bad that this is so easy for me.


----------



## ASoC

Fairly long, straight, and girthy here. Slight twist to the left though. Circumcised without choice in the matter, not really sure how I feel about it. 

I laughed my ass off when I saw what I had turned this thread into


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Years of falling down drunk on sidewalks, chronic ............, and tight-fitting jeans have likely all played a part in my beret-laden broken-necked Kemp-Ridley... although that is just speculation. Had I been ambidextrous maybe things would have shaped up differently.


----------



## piggins411

Konfyouzd said:


> Every so often I do the "spring cleaning" equivalent of sifting through friends, acquaintances, associates and what-have-you that I actually want to remain in my life. It's odd to me that I prefer to associate w most of you all despite not knowing you all more than those closest to me. But I think the time has come again for another "cleaning". I'm not sure if it's good or bad that this is so easy for me.




Dude we could be totally ....ty in real life


----------



## BlackMastodon




----------



## Konfyouzd

piggins411 said:


> Dude we could be totally ....ty in real life



That's totally possible.


----------



## Konfyouzd

ASoC said:


> Fairly long, straight, and girthy here. Slight twist to the left though. Circumcised without choice in the matter, not really sure how I feel about it.
> 
> I laughed my ass off when I saw what I had turned this thread into


----------



## UnderTheSign

... What have I done


----------



## Konfyouzd

You couldn't have known it would go that far.


----------



## BucketheadRules

I feel partially responsible for the turn this thread has taken, even if it started out by me asking a FAR more innocent question 

I very much appreciate the help and advice btw, thanks as always you lot


----------



## ftr

some days i feel ok and then i have days like this where i just can't help but think of her and how much i miss her. i get tempted to send her a text telling her that i miss her and want to work things out. but i also really want to keep strong and avoid sending her texts. its so hard when you were with someone so much and feel so close to them, and you have no reason to think you would ever stop talking to them. i feel incredible loneliness, anger, and confusion. these past couple weeks i have been hanging out with friends but even when i am with them i feel lonely and depressed.


----------



## flint757

Honestly, IMO there are only two reasons at this point I can think of why she'd sever communication entirely like this, especially since you were a couple:

1) She's guilty of the original accusation or still has feelings, but didn't act on them and started doubting your relationship. Or started doubting your relationship due to the accusation alone (which leads to #2).

2) She's immature.

If she wanted to work it out and was mature she would have contacted you by now even if it was just to say I need some space. If she wanted to end it and was mature she'd just say she wants to end things and that'd be the end of it. Mature people don't just leave people hanging entirely for weeks on end and usually the only reasonable circumstance I could see someone just ending communication is after a first date, but even then it doesn't hurt either party to just say this won't work. 

You're best off just forgetting about her all together for sure...


----------



## High Plains Drifter

ftr said:


> some days i feel ok and then i have days like this where i just can't help but think of her and how much i miss her. i get tempted to send her a text telling her that i miss her and want to work things out. but i also really want to keep strong and avoid sending her texts. its so hard when you were with someone so much and feel so close to them, and you have no reason to think you would ever stop talking to them. i feel incredible loneliness, anger, and confusion. these past couple weeks i have been hanging out with friends but even when i am with them i feel lonely and depressed.



Yes... and all these feelings are absolutely and totally normal. She broke your heart... plain and simple. Even though it wasn't a long relationship by any stretch, it still hurts. That's just the nature of the game. Despite how you feel, this was not love. It was a head-over-heels feel good kinda thing... Building blocks. Trust me. You may not know it now, but this deal is just one one of many experiences that will build your character and make you wiser and stronger in the long run. Again... just trust me on this. 

I am very "proud" of you ( for lack of a better description). You've done damn good and you need to continue as you are until you're out of the woods. And you WILL be out of the woods soon enough. Not contacting her is a sign that you are dealing with this, that you are respecting yourself, and that you are respecting her decision to move on with her life. It was what it was and now it's over. Be glad for what you shared together and keep doing as you are... moving forward. 

You've shown great integrity here and if you decide to give-in and contact her at this point you will be erasing that integrity. It won't play out well and you'll end up SO much worse off. Continue fighting any temptation that is still there.

You're healing now. The pain isn't just going to go away immediately. It will take some time but gradually you're going to get to the point that you're healed-up and done with this particular experience. She is gradually becoming "somebody that you used to know" and that's it.... no more no less. Stay strong man. You're more than half way there, I believe. 

Cheers.


----------



## ftr

i am assuming we broke up. but i don't know, sometimes i think of how she has told me she has delt with stuff like this in the past and i guess it kind of sense she is not being direct with how she feels and not texting. she has told me how she has went long periods without texting whenever she had problems in past relationships and times where she has just distanced herself from people. she is pretty mature and just breaking up with people by just ending communication doesn't seem like something she would do. that is just another way i think of this whole thing.


----------



## flint757

It's kind of immature to stop talking to people without saying they need a break/space/alone time/distance/less communication/etc. It's perfectly within her right to do so, whether she's breaking up with you or just wanting a break from the relationship temporarily, and it may be how she handles difficult situations, but it's still immature no matter how you slice it.

We are complex creatures. We can be quite mature in most areas of our lives and still be incredibly immature in other areas. She's handling this whole thing quite immaturely. You've said your piece and tried reaching out with no response and then severed connection. She just stopped talking all together. You are definitely the bigger person in this relationship. So kudos for that!


----------



## High Plains Drifter

ftr said:


> i am assuming we broke up. but i don't know, sometimes i think of how she has told me she has delt with stuff like this in the past and i guess it kind of sense she is not being direct with how she feels and not texting. she has told me how she has went long periods without texting whenever she had problems in past relationships and times where she has just distanced herself from people. she is pretty mature and just breaking up with people by just ending communication doesn't seem like something she would do. that is just another way i think of this whole thing.




But still, dude. A relationship is a two way street. if IF this is just her way of dealing with stuff and she herself doesn't consider the "relationship" to be broken-up, then that's just harsh for anybody to endure and there's no way in hell that you deserve to be involved with someone that just goes off and does whatever she wants with whoever she wants. That ain't what a relationship should be like... Not a newly-committed one anyway. I've been in a few of those and I'm tellin' you that's bogus as hell! Your heart and your head don't know from one day to the next what to believe or accept as satisfactory/ placating. It may work for a more experienced and communicative couple or a couple that's been together a WAY long time, but not for a budding relationship... especially without her communicating about any of this kind of thing with you prior to her hittin' the bricks. You don't just get sketchy like she has and expect some dude to support that crap, Relationships are all about compromise but you shouldn't have to completely sit back and wait for anybody like that. She shouldn't really be worth your time now.... Not unless something drastically changed from her side. Maybe from your side too though, cause I know you ain't really cut out for this thing. Anyway... I think all that's moot cause I think she split for whatever reason or whomever else. 

Anyway... tl;dr - Don't be a door-mat for no chick. Ain't friggin worth it. 

Late


----------



## BucketheadRules

Going to hers tonight... I hope she's not gonna be disappointed by me using condoms now we've done it unprotected a few times.

Is that a thing that happens?


----------



## High Plains Drifter

She shouldn't be at all disappointed or at all confrontational about it. Hell... It shows that you're a smart dude and that you care about both yours and hers health and well-being. I think it's a stand-up move on your part. 

Plus... There's that whole foreplay thing that you can use to "negotiate" the situation lol. Have fun, man.


----------



## Bekanor

Broke up with the gf on the weekend. Sad times but we were both adult about it and realised we were going in different directions so we called it a day in the interest of staying friends rather than end up resenting each other through flogging a dead horse and ultimately, detonating catastrophically anyway. 

Silver lining is that I'm not waiting around for this to happen anymore and over the last 12 months I've shed 50kg (110lbs) and gotten into the best shape of my life, so after a while of just chilling and playing Bloodborne (seriously, nothing kills the dating/relationship sads like the adrenaline rush of putting down a hard as .... boss in that game) I'll poke my head back into the dating game and see what's up. I'm cautiously optimistic about that since I'm not up for another relationship for a while and definitely not up for being baby daddy to 3 kids I had no hand in creating. 

Adventures in dating, now with improved abs. Coming soon.

Question though, what's the grace period on post-breakup skeevery? Like how long should I wait before I join Tinder knowing full well that she'll have at least one friend on there who will probably be like "He's on Tinder already"?


----------



## naw38

It's your life man. There's a couple that runs our local cafe, and I found one of them on tinder. My wife asked cafe ladies partner about it and she just laughed - turned out they'd broke up two days earlier. And since you broke up amicably I'm sure she'll understand/be unconcerned.

Edit: congratulations on your weight loss, by the way! Abs are awesome.

Things are going great with my current lady friend. She's moved in with us for a little bit - but I just got struck properly with the realisation that she's going to be gone for three months next week and I got the bad feels. 
Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, I'm sure when she leaves I'll pump out a few nasty black metal tracks to get over it. And hopefully not exacerbate my drinking problem...


----------



## BucketheadRules

Guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys I have a girlfriend now.


----------



## cult

Whoop Whoop!
Congrats


----------



## asher

BucketheadRules said:


> Guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys I have a girlfriend now.





Told you good things would come around eventually


----------



## CGrant109

Anyone have any advice for someone who just got out of a relationship but doesn't really have the desire to get back into the dating world? This wasn't my first relationship or anything, but I'm going through the motions of a normal breakup recovery, I'm focusing on work more (just got promoted as of last week) I'm going to the gym every other day (which has been tremendous in releasing all built up stress/anger) drinking less -- reserved for band practices and 1-2 nights a week (by drinking, I mean 3-4 beers or a cocktail) and I am also 1 month cold turkey with cigs/vaping as of yesterday, so I feel like I am making the best out of a poor situation. I don't know what it is though, I'm not bitter, but I just...really don't have the desire to hook up with anyone to get my mind off things or want to go on dates right now. Things with my ex are cool, we still are friendly towards each other, it just wasn't working out as a couple. Maybe I just need a couple months of being single to rebound back?


----------



## UnderTheSign

Well, if you don't want to go back into dating, it's simple... Don't. No one is forcing you. Nothing wrong with being single and working on your own life.


----------



## TheHandOfStone

CGrant109 said:


> Maybe I just need a couple months of being single to rebound back?




All of this is perfectly healthy and normal. Also, congratulations on all of the positive lifestyle changes you've been making.


----------



## ASoC

I've been single for almost a year and a half now and only recently started dating again. It's like anything else in life, your desire for it is going to fluctuate.


----------



## CGrant109

UnderTheSign said:


> Well, if you don't want to go back into dating, it's simple... Don't. No one is forcing you. Nothing wrong with being single and working on your own life.



Fair enough, I think that's what I needed to hear. In the past, I've always been quick to rebound and go back to dating someone else.


----------



## broj15

just a bit of advice to everyone: Don't try and date a girl with anxiety disorder / depression, and if you do definitely don't fall in love with her. 
Me and the girl that I've been trying to be with hung out last night and she dropped some major sh_i_t on me. Apparently her anxiety has recently started to really get out of hand and she says it's gotten to the point where she can't handle it anymore. I know she's tried medication, however the side effects it's caused have always outweighed whatever benefits it may have had. She says it's gotten to the point where she constantly feels miserable. After I hearing that I asked her if she even feels miserable whenever she's around me, to which she replied yes. This completely destroyed me and broke my heart and made me feel more inadequate that i already feel. 

She says that she's started doing research on getting a therapist or some other form of professional help, but even when she tried to ask her dad for her insurance information it caused her to have an anxiety attack and she couldn't do it (bringing the subject up to me caused her to have an attack as well). I've told her time and time again that I promise to be there for her (as in to comfort her, support her, or just listen if that's what she wants) no matter what and she's recently started to open up to me about her issues (self loathing, suicidal thoughts, general depression, etc.) and I thought we were really starting to make some real progress, not only with her issues, but also our relationship (she recently told me that she loves me and claims that she still does). 

She then said that she thinks part of the "healing process" for her would be to relocate and move in with her sister (about 2 hours away). She said she's taken the rest of her personal days at work and is taking "a leave of absence" so she can get out of town for a while... She didn't say how long. This especially worries me because most jobs don't just let you take a leave of absence without some kind of prearrangement, which makes me wonder just how long she's been keeping this from me. 

We sat in silence just looking at each other for a while and I (not sure if this was a stupid decision or not) kissed her and she kissed me back. We made out for a bit and I pulled away and said "I'm sorry. I know that makes things harder, but I couldn't help it" to which she replied "Don't be sorry. I couldn't help it either." 

We laid there and held each other for a while until she finally said that she needed to leave because she "feels physically and emotionally drained, and overwhelmed, and needs to drive and think." I asked her not to and she said that she had to because she knew if she stayed the night that the next morning she would just lay with me and shirk off her responsibilities (she had a traffic court date today... 3 tickets in one month: speeding, reckless driving, expired insurance. She already has 2 tickets on her record for speeding and might get her licence suspended) and I told her that I would make sure that she was awake in time. She asked why I didn't want her to leave and I said that it felt like I wasn't going to see her again to which she promised that she wasn't going to "abandon" me and that she would see me in "a couple days" but she didn't make any kind of definite plan. After that she finally left

Some of you on here might be familiar with some of my issues but those that are could probably guess my reaction. I know we're not supposed to talk about illegal activities on here, but after she left I took an unknown amount of pills (honestly can't remember) and bought a bottle of wine and went for a drive, and honestly I was hoping to wrap my car around a tree (yeah, I know driving was a stupid idea because I could harm someone else but it was 3 AM on deserted backroads). I really couldn't tell you how I made it home.

I just tried to call her to see how she was doing about an hour ago and she ignored my call. I'm seriously at the end of my rope on this one and I want to just be totally done with her but I've tried so many times and I just can't... I don't expect advice because I feel like I'm already past that point. I honestly just needed to vent, or type it all out to try and rationalize it in my head or something and I didn't have anyone else to talk to... apologies for the massive wall of text...


----------



## Señor Voorhees

I know you said you're not exactly looking for advice, but that whole story is a bit strange. Maybe some outside perspective could help. 

In my relationship, which I've been in since 2007, I am the one who has crippling depression. I am miserable and depressed 99% of the time, and yes that includes being around my fiance, whom I love with all my heart. She, like you, is always willing to listen and puts up with all of my anxiety and related quirks. I think it's strange that you get worked up over not somehow magically making her feel good just by being there. Depression is a ....ed up thing, but her feeling miserable around you has nothing to do with you or how you treat her or make her feel. My fiance makes me happy, but in general I'm still miserable even when she makes me happy. (If that makes sense.)

She sounds a lot like me. Scarily, in fact. It sounds like you're a good influence in her life, and it'd be a shame to see you throw in the towel because it got too hard. I understand why you'd want to, since I know how taxing it can be, since I feel I AM that burden on others.

I also think it sounds like you've got some issues of your own, and I don't mean that in an offensive way. Getting so stressed out about a relationship (or anything for that matter) like that to the point where you pop pills, get drunk, drive, and pray you hit a tree... It just sounds like you have some work you can do on yourself, since that's pretty much depression in a nutshell. You may also want to look into some professional help, as that is a scary thing to hear from someone. (I suppose I'm one to talk since I know I need help but couldn't care any less to get it.)

Basically, I wouldn't stop being there for her... Even if that means you have to cut romantic ties, I think it's good for her to have someone to talk to. At the same time, you may want to get some help for yourself. Depression sucks balls, and having episodes like that just isn't good for your soul. Take care of yourself, dude. It's a super bummer to see that kind of behavior from the outside, and I feel for you and her.


----------



## broj15

thanks for the kind words man. I know that I need help, but I also know that I've never been the type of person to seek it out. I have struggled with depression/self loathing/suicidal thoughts, confidence issues, and the fear of being alone (codependency?) for several years now. I've also struggled with drug/alcohol abuse in one form or another for almost 7 years. After her first telling me about her situation a few months ago I began to open up to her about these problems. Apart from my sister (and the "strangers" on the internet I feel the need to vent to) she's the first person I've ever been completely honest with about that aspect of my life.

She tells me all the time about how incredible I am, but how because I'm apparently so good to her it makes her feel worse because she feels as though she doesn't deserve me and that she won't until she gets better (and she claims that she still hasn't "hit bottom" and that she'll get worse before she starts to get better, which also saddens and worries me).

I just hate that she feels the way she does and that I don't have the ability to change it. I think she's an amazing person and I try and reassure her of this, but she still gets down on herself which just kills me. I just wish she saw what I saw more than anything.


----------



## Maybrick

CGrant109 said:


> Anyone have any advice for someone who just got out of a relationship but doesn't really have the desire to get back into the dating world? This wasn't my first relationship or anything, but I'm going through the motions of a normal breakup recovery, I'm focusing on work more (just got promoted as of last week) I'm going to the gym every other day (which has been tremendous in releasing all built up stress/anger) drinking less -- reserved for band practices and 1-2 nights a week (by drinking, I mean 3-4 beers or a cocktail) and I am also 1 month cold turkey with cigs/vaping as of yesterday, so I feel like I am making the best out of a poor situation. I don't know what it is though, I'm not bitter, but I just...really don't have the desire to hook up with anyone to get my mind off things or want to go on dates right now. Things with my ex are cool, we still are friendly towards each other, it just wasn't working out as a couple. Maybe I just need a couple months of being single to rebound back?



Ok, so I'm in/was in a similar situation to you. I came out of a 3 and a half year relationship several months ago. Part of me has been thinking "I really need to start dating again" whilst going out on dates even though in my gut I don't really know why I'm bothering.

My advice is, unless you really feel like you need a girlfriend right now, just carry on as you are. You sound a lot like me with your attitude. On multiple dates I've thought that the girl is nice, she's attractive and so forth but Im just not interested. Instead I'm focusing more on guitar, family, seeing friends, getting in shape and reading. All things I struggled with juggling when I was in a relationship. I just don't care for dating or having a girlfriend and its not out of "I hate the world, I hate girls etc", its just that my life is so much better now that I'm really working on me and only me. 

If you're happy with your life at the moment then just keep it that way  (If its not broken, don't fix it right?)

The biggest piece of advice I ever read regarding relationships is this "A woman should compliment your life, not be the focus of it"


----------



## BucketheadRules

I hate to change the subject abruptly from the heartbreaking issues in the last few posts, but I thought I should update you guys if anyone's interested - I can definitely recommend those TheyFit condoms I mentioned a couple of pages ago. Huge improvement over any off-the-shelf ones I've ever tried. So much easier to put on, much more comfortable, size was pretty much perfect, no feeling of constriction at all. Will definitely be buying more.

In other news, I'm looking forward to actually celebrating Valentine's Day for the first time in my life. Got a table booked at a restaurant and have bought her a gift, I don't want to look like I'm coming on too strong since we haven't been seeing each other all that long, so it's nothing too grand of a gesture but it's a little something I'm sure she'll like.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

I went with a friend to her 2nd mom's house to hang out and see her bar. Eventualy she has to go upstairs ,the bar is in the basement, and she asks me to go with her, I thought "Okay she has to tell me something, no big deal." I followed her upstairs and then she said "So Dan are you on the prowl, for a woman ?" I laughed and said what, and then said "Are you hinting at something?" So yeah my friends asked me out because I'm "the most nice person to her" and apparently she has been thinking about it for a long ass time.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

The best hint she dropped was a quote from The Mummy "Do you have to open graves to find girls to fall in love with?&#8221; goth chicks man mmmmmmmmm


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## Maybrick

BucketheadRules said:


> I hate to change the subject abruptly from the heartbreaking issues in the last few posts, but I thought I should update you guys if anyone's interested - I can definitely recommend those TheyFit condoms I mentioned a couple of pages ago. Huge improvement over any off-the-shelf ones I've ever tried. So much easier to put on, much more comfortable, size was pretty much perfect, no feeling of constriction at all. Will definitely be buying more.
> 
> In other news, I'm looking forward to actually celebrating Valentine's Day for the first time in my life. Got a table booked at a restaurant and have bought her a gift, I don't want to look like I'm coming on too strong since we haven't been seeing each other all that long, so it's nothing too grand of a gesture but it's a little something I'm sure she'll like.



Good luck buddy, hope she likes the gift.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Super Bowl night here. 

Just texted thsi to my girl. She'll read it before leaving work to head home. 

And... somewhere about the middle of the text I began to cry... not like some wuss not like hysterical or anything. ..but slight tears welled up in my ayes... and I just sighed and finished the text, and it went like this: 

_"Baby- Please be xtra safe on ur way home. Lots of ppl drinking tonite. Make this a text that you will save and we'll smile together when you read it back to me in 10-20 yrs. All my love, angel. SYS!"_ 

And I can't share that anywhere but I can share it here. I wanted to because dudes that have posted in this thread are courageous, transparent, and humble when they/ y'all post here. And I guess that I just think that all of that is pretty damned cool. 

Idk... just felt like sharing that to this really cool part of the virtual community. Cheers!


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## Bodes

Feeling a bit crap right now, my ex looked after the dogs over the weekend while I was away, she just dropped them off and she was clearly completely beside herself not wanting to leave the dogs again.

I love the little furry buggers and glad I got them in the break up.

We both know that the dogs are much better off with me due to her lack of time to take proper care of them.

She was asking about walking the dogs this weekend end, but I am busy and may not be home for her to take them, although I will be walking them both morning and night. She is looking after them next weekend while I am away for a wedding and was saying she could take them this weekend as well.

I said no to her looking after them this weekend and she tried to negotiate me dropping them off earlier and earlier next weekend.

I don't want to hurt her anymore than I have, but it really sucks to see her that way.

Just getting things off my chest hoping it will help.

Fudge this is all shiite.


----------



## BucketheadRules

High Plains Drifter said:


> And I can't share that anywhere but I can share it here.



This is very much how I feel about this thread. I'm so glad it exists whether things are going well or not, because first off, it gives me a way of getting stuff off my chest, and then I usually receive a load of help and advice from you guys as well. It's awesome, and I feel comfortable saying stuff here that I wouldn't necessarily tell anyone in person.


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## flint757

All you happy mofo's are making me depressed...

/jk 

It's always nice to see that things are going well for many of you. 

I'm perpetually, and voluntarily, stuck in neutral until I get my .... together. I'm so scatter brained I just can't handle a relationship for the time being, but it's been long enough that getting back into the game, when I decide to do so, is going to be a PITA for me. I'm not socially awkward, but my ADHD makes me a bit singularly focused, so I tend to completely tune out my surroundings when I'm out and about. I'm quite comfortable socially as well on the day-to-day...until I actually want to date someone.  Then I just get really anxious. It supposedly has something to do with my fear of making choices, especially potentially life changing ones. Something I've had to work through considering it's also why I tend to bury myself in other peoples problems; because it means I can keep busy and be productive while not really doing anything that has a direct impact on my own life, another issue I'm working on. 

I'm not on the prowl for the time being, but attempting to date after you've stopped for an extended period of time is...difficult.


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## asher

Dan_Vacant said:


> The best hint she dropped was a quote from The Mummy "Do you have to open graves to find girls to fall in love with? goth chicks man mmmmmmmmm


----------



## youngthrasher9

Long story (I'm admittedly an idiot for most of it):

So a group chat I'm a part of decided it was a good night to get drunk together (together meaning separately but messaging while drunk). I joined in, dumping about 18 shots of honey JD in my jug of super strong iced tea.

When I get home from retrieving my alcoholic beverage, I realize that my 14yo brother was having his birthday party that night. In the same house. Let me just say this house is more or less a dry house. 

9 teenagers show up for this party.

I decide to drink alone and watch South Park in my room. 

That was all good and fine until they started arguing about a game of pictionary.

So I went out there buzzing and made myself useful. 

I got pulled into 6 more rounds of pictionary. 

Then I retreat to my room once again, drink more and now I'm drunk. 

I hear hollering.

I go play more pictionary. While drunk. With 10 kids and my parents in the room.

Nobody notices, apparently.

I go back into my room to officially stay. I drink the rest of the jug. Now I'm HAMMERED.

I hear hollering about a game of Poker.

Instead going to sleep, my drunken self goes out there and teaches 10 kids how to play Blackjack. While sh!tfaced. Nobody notices still. Then I pull one of the older kids who I happen to be friends with and trust and say "bro Imma level with you, I'm suupperr drunk right now."

He was shocked and said no one could tell.

All the kids start to leave, and I go to bed.

And that's when it happened.

I drunk texted one of the girls whom I hang out with regularly. Spew my feelings and stuff. Let her know that I'm marinaded by now.

She texts me back the next morning and we get breakfast.

She says we should maybe try being together.

I agreed.


Fast forward a month, and I bought her some really high quality Nicaruguan cigars (because she loves cigars), and this morning we smoked to near nicotine poisoning while she was fishing at a secluded part of the lake where I work.

Not sure if this is going to work, but it's definitely been interesting thus far! Hahaha


----------



## asher




----------



## Chokey Chicken

The preface of that story had me waiting for life ending explosions and bad times. Glad to see it never came. 

Good luck!


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## asher

Chokey Chicken said:


> The preface of that story had me waiting for life ending explosions and bad times. Glad to see it never came.
> 
> Good luck!



Yup, me too.


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## youngthrasher9

Friendzoned.

Again.

Oh well, rejection doesn't even really seem to sting anymore. I guess that'll get me off my butt and shooting higher than before on the scale of women above my league.


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## naw38

You didn't get friend zoned. There's no such thing as the friend zone. She's just busy, or not attracted to you, or got designs on someone else, or isn't feeling it.. right now. That could change though. Because people and their situations change all the time. 

Friend zone. That's like me saying I got coworker zoned when nobody wanted to go out for an after work drink with me - there's no coworker zone, they just think I'm a ..... 

Sorry, that term bugs me.


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## Seybsnilksz

Friendzone is to me when someone is romantically interested in a person, and that person only wants to be friends. Am I wrong?


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## naw38

You're not wrong. I just think it has bad connotations, and simplifies in harmful ways the nuances of human relationships. I find it kind of hard to articulate though.


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## Chokey Chicken

Friend zone is just a queer term for "one of us wants romance/sex, the other just wants to be friends." I agree its a stupid term, and I hate that the term is frequently used in a context that implies one of the parties is wrong. 

I could go way into it but won't because my wife needs cuddling and that seems like a better use of my time right now.


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## Varcolac

Chokey Chicken said:


> used in a context that implies one of the parties is wrong.



This is the problem. Also I see it on the interwebs used by "nice guy" assholes who're keen to point out to women how "nice" they are, but then throw a ....fit and call women all the names under the sun when they find out that holding doors open and being polite doesn't instantly translate into blowjobs. 

Like, uh, this guy.







On a more positive note, dinner and a show with the girlfriend tomorrow. Valentine's day is cheesy, but we're off work for a week so going out on a Sunday night is A-OK!


----------



## Veldar

So my best friend who I've been madly in love with for 2 years now moved away for uni today, she's 6 hours away so we're still going to see each other but I'm bumped about it, she did let me know that she was sick of being in love with her ex-boyfriend so that's a development I guess, I'm just happy that she could move on since she's been dealing with that for ages now.

Also a daft punk song reminds me of her and it made me cry.

Also friend-zone is a ....ty term and implies that just because you're friends you have to move on to a romantic relationship.

Also my sister thinks I'm demi-sexual, which may or may not be true?


----------



## naw38

^ Yeah, y'all get it. I Just don't have the words in me to express it that well. Spoke to my wife and girlfriend before posting about it and they couldn't really describe it either. And they're both a lot smarter than me. 



Varcolac said:


> Like, uh, this guy.




A large portion of my online conversations with my girlfriend have been devoted to the ....ty messages/profiles she gets on OKC, and that guy's pretty emblematic of what she'd send me. We once tried seeing who could find the absolute worst profile, but because I'm looking at women on there, about the worst I could find was a woman saying that she likes sports(not something I'm remotely interested in, but whatever).


----------



## youngthrasher9

I wasn't implying that she's wrong.

I'm not implying that I got tired of being a decent person and getting nothing out of it.

This girl asked *me* if I wanted to be in a relationship with her. 6 weeks later she changes her mind. I really don't care. There's plenty of women.

But she specified " I don't want a relationship anymore/now but I like hanging out with you because you're basically my best friend and we've known each other for almost 17 years".

How is that not the definition of the friend zone? 

No offense bro but it's a real thing and women (as well as men) know this and take advantage of it often. With the right timing and circumstances, some people are indeed able to end up with the person who said "let's just be friends".

This is probably not one of those times, because I'm more than content being just her friend (because I have been for 17 GD years).


----------



## naw38

Yeah, and I don't know you nor did I know your situation before I made my initial post. So I was a little apprehensive about that. 

Thing is, I'd still say that the friend zone doesn't exist; you got broken up with, amicably - which is a pretty good situation to be in. The problem lies with the fact that people like to throw the term around any time they get outright rejected by another person, as if by virtue of being a good person, they deserve a relationship with whoever they please regardless of how the other person feels. Also, as far as men go, when it's used it often implies that the man who has been friend zoned has somehow failed in their role as a male. 

http://makemeasammich.org/2013/05/04/the-friend-zone-is-total-....ing-bull..../ <--- here's an article because I can't express myself. And the link doesn't work because of censorship on this site. Whoops!


----------



## ASoC

The friend zone is real. It's also an overused term, but that doesn't mean it doesn't actually exist. I know I've told this story before, but when I asked out my last gf (who I had known for a few months) she admitted to having feelings for me but asked if we could just be friends because she was scared of what might happen if things didn't work out. She tried to friend zone me. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I was not having it at all. I told her I liked her too much to let her do that .... to me and that it either had to be romance or nothing. Anything else would have only caused me pain and been unfair to me. 

Now things have ended and we don't speak anymore (I was completely serious when I said all or nothing) so her fear did come to pass (although she's the one who made it happen, as I pointed out pretty recently when I shared why the relationship broke). However, I think she'd be crazy to think that it wasn't worth it. We had a wonderful relationship.


----------



## flint757

The term exists, but the resentment people hold about it is wholly uncalled for and a bit egocentric. If you get rejected, or simply do become friends, that's really all there is to it. They may very well one day feel some interest for you, but waiting hand and foot to try to move out of the 'friend-zone' is just pathetic; I've been there before when I was younger, although that was more about my lack of dating experience playing out to an arguably predictable conclusion. She wasn't interested, we both had low self-esteems, and she really did want to be friends. 

I think lack of experience and/or low self-esteems can largely take responsibility for the term and its overuse.


----------



## MrBouleDeBowling

I have spent a wonderful year playing shows with my new band, meeting new people, realizing that I don't necesserely need a relationship to be happy. If I have music in my life, I'm happy. I used to be very needy because of low self esteem. Turns out it was the thing that was keeping me from getting girls. Hell, I'm far to be what mainstream culture considers attractive, yet I attracted girls I never thought I would be in their league. 

It went the other way around. I started speaking to a girl I knew from my social working classes. We spent few times together knowing each other. Turned out she fell in love with me super quick and I wasn't interested much, so I called it off. It broke her heart. She was very needy and got overly attached even if we mostly talked on facebook, saw each other only a few times and had barely anything in common. As of today, she is still posting depressing quotes on facebook, demonizing me for rejecting her. I feel bad for breaking her heart but It made me glad to see I'm not like that anymore

I now have a girlfriend. A girl I've known for a very long time, who moved back in my hometown. So far, it's the best relationship I ever had.

Biggest lesson of 2015 for me: stay true to yourself, do what makes you happy, be independant. Love eventually comes.


----------



## flint757

Guys, my mail order bride isn't going to make it in time for Valentine's Day. I knew I should have selected overnight shipping.


----------



## Varcolac

flint757 said:


> Guys, my mail order bride isn't going to make it in time for Valentine's Day. I knew I should have selected overnight shipping.



She'll have been in a box for two weeks in the back of a UPS van. She'll have no conception of time. Just lie and tell her it's the 14th still. Even if she arrives in March.


----------



## Maybrick

AlexCorriveau said:


> realizing that I don't necesserely need a relationship to be happy. If I have music in my life, I'm happy.



This.

There are too many people that think they HAVE to have a relationship to be happy in life. You don't, you need to rely on yourself to make yourself happy instead.


----------



## BucketheadRules

flint757 said:


> The term exists, but the resentment people hold about it is wholly uncalled for and a bit egocentric. If you get rejected, or simply do become friends, that's really all there is to it. They may very well one day feel some interest for you, but waiting hand and foot to try to move out of the 'friend-zone' is just pathetic; I've been there before when I was younger, although that was more about my lack of dating experience playing out to an arguably predictable conclusion.



All of this. Been there done that, we're still good friends. For a little while it did seem like we were going to get together but that didn't happen, and like an idiot I kept trying to make it happen and should have cut my losses sooner. I'm glad it doesn't seem to have come between us. Then not too long ago I met the awesome girl who is now my girlfriend, and that's going really well so far.

We're going out for dinner later and I'm really looking forward to it. I dare say she might be too... she's not been so talkative this week because of her work schedule, plus she's had a sh*tty couple of days towards the end of the week. I've been as supportive as I can be but it sucks not having been able to be there properly. I think she's been a little better today but I still hope I can cheer her up.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Valentines Day 2016:

Sitting here staring at my new love. I look at her and it's all I can do to keep my hands off of her. She smells wonderful and she's so silky smooth to the touch. Her beauty begs me to run my fingers across her flawless body and tickle her neck with my fingertips. I know I can make her moan and hum and squeal... sitting on my lap as I sweep my hands across her pleasure points... over and over again. 

But alas... this new Kiesel guitar will have to stay in her case until I get home from work tonight. 

Not sure where my fiance is. I think she's in the shower. 

Happy Valentines day, all!


----------



## Chokey Chicken

High Plains Drifter said:


> Valentines Day 2016:
> 
> Sitting here staring at my new love. I look at her and it's all I can do to keep my hands off of her. She smells wonderful and she's so silky smooth to the touch. Her beauty begs me to run my fingers across her flawless body and tickle her neck with my fingertips. I know I can make her moan and hum and squeal... sitting on my lap as I sweep my hands across her pleasure points... over and over again.
> 
> But alas... this new Kiesel guitar will have to stay in her case until I get home from work tonight.
> 
> Not sure where my fiance is. I think she's in the shower.
> 
> Happy Valentines day, all!



My roommate is weeping at this. His isn't due for completion until the 24th.


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## Dan_Vacant

Valentines day was preee chill we watched he-man and ate tacos...like from taco bell. lol


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## naw38

I spent my post Valentine's Day listening to my coworkers bitch about what their partners did/did not do on V-day... And I'm like, "yeah, I got her a calendar. Cause we need a calendar." 

It's like the one day of the year I'm not totally sweet to my wife.


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

So my girlfriend of about 7 weeks cheated on me this weekend.

And I left her stranded in the woods about 2 hours from home for it. 

We went to a Trucks Gone Wild event together; it's an event for mudding and off-roading 4x4s.
Anyways, at these events you camp there. Friday night, she cheated on me with a dude that was camping next to us. I know because I witnessed it. I woke up at about 4am and she wasn't next to me so I walked outside looking for her and saw her making out with another guy. It was dark and she doesn't know I saw. But *EVERYBODY* camp saw, because when I went over to the campfire to my friends, it was the first thing I was told. 

I was livid, I never went back to sleep. I stayed away and waited for her to pass out. About an hour and a half later she crawled into my tent and went to sleep. While she was sleeping I took all of her stuff out of my truck,_ ALL _of it, and put the stuff into the back of the dude she cheated on me with's truck.

As well, I hopped on her phone to check her text messages cause I have zero trust for this girl at this point, and find out she was practically in a relationship with like 4 other dudes. I screenshotted all the texts and sent them to all the dudes so that everybody she was seeing would shun her, if she led them on like she did to me.

When she woke up, I told her all of her .... is in the back of the guys truck. And she swears she has no recollection of the night previously. I know alcohol was involved, but that is no excuse.

She refused to go talk to the guy the next day; and as well EVERYBODY at camp knew that she cheated on me the night previously. So all of my friends at camp shunned her. I told her to call her parents to come get her because i'm not taking her home. 

When the guy wakes up, he sees all the .... in the back of his truck... And just tosses all of it out on to the ground in the mud. All of her clothes and everything was on the ground at this point. And she refused to go pick it up, after yelling at me to go pick it up. I told her to .... off and go home, to start walking.

I lock my truck and leave to go wheeling in my mud truck and leave camp with some friends, I get back about 3-4 hours later and she's gone. 
A friend that stayed at camp told me her parents came and got her and she picked all her .... up off the muddy road anyways. 

So yeah, she cheated on me and I left her stranded 2 hours from home in the middle of the woods. 

I may have been pretty harsh... But I don't care. 

I have *ZERO SYMPATHY *for cheaters. Fvck her.


----------



## BlackMastodon

ZeroTolerance94 said:


> So my girlfriend of about 7 weeks cheated on me this weekend.
> 
> And I left her stranded in the woods about 2 hours from home for it.
> 
> We went to a Trucks Gone Wild event together; it's an event for mudding and off-roading 4x4s.
> Anyways, at these events you camp there. Friday night, she cheated on me with a dude that was camping next to us. I know because I witnessed it. I woke up at about 4am and she wasn't next to me so I walked outside looking for her and saw her making out with another guy. It was dark and she doesn't know I saw. But *EVERYBODY* camp saw, because when I went over to the campfire to my friends, it was the first thing I was told.
> 
> I was livid, I never went back to sleep. I stayed away and waited for her to pass out. About an hour and a half later she crawled into my tent and went to sleep. While she was sleeping I took all of her stuff out of my truck,_ ALL _of it, and put the stuff into the back of the dude she cheated on me with's truck.
> 
> As well, I hopped on her phone to check her text messages cause I have zero trust for this girl at this point, and find out she was practically in a relationship with like 4 other dudes. I screenshotted all the texts and sent them to all the dudes so that everybody she was seeing would shun her, if she led them on like she did to me.
> 
> When she woke up, I told her all of her .... is in the back of the guys truck. And she swears she has no recollection of the night previously. I know alcohol was involved, but that is no excuse.
> 
> She refused to go talk to the guy the next day; and as well EVERYBODY at camp knew that she cheated on me the night previously. So all of my friends at camp shunned her. I told her to call her parents to come get her because i'm not taking her home.
> 
> When the guy wakes up, he sees all the .... in the back of his truck... And just tosses all of it out on to the ground in the mud. All of her clothes and everything was on the ground at this point. And she refused to go pick it up, after yelling at me to go pick it up. I told her to .... off and go home, to start walking.
> 
> I lock my truck and leave to go wheeling in my mud truck and leave camp with some friends, I get back about 3-4 hours later and she's gone.
> A friend that stayed at camp told me her parents came and got her and she picked all her .... up off the muddy road anyways.
> 
> So yeah, she cheated on me and I left her stranded 2 hours from home in the middle of the woods.
> 
> I may have been pretty harsh... But I don't care.
> 
> I have *ZERO SYMPATHY *for cheaters. Fvck her.


I don't consider it that harsh. If she was cheating on you with that many other guys and she had the nerve to do it with you right there, then f**k her. I'm the same way when it comes to cheating. If you don't want to be in a relationship, don't be. Don't waste other peoples' time and trust.


----------



## TheHandOfStone

ZeroTolerance94 said:


> So my girlfriend of about 7 weeks cheated on me this weekend.
> 
> And I left her stranded in the woods about 2 hours from home for it.


Well, your username certainly is accurate.


----------



## vividox

Yeah, cheaters suck. Such an immature thing to do: if you want to screw around with a bunch of people, then more power to you. But don't string anyone along with some facade of a relationship. Grow the .... up and stop being a ....ty person. She totally deserved it.


----------



## Arkeion

I'm getting married December 3rd! After 2 years of engagement, we've finally settled on a date. Not sure why, but it feels like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. It was getting a little stressful, being asked 'when are you guys getting married?' 3-5 times a week, telling people 'I don't know when, man.' Looking like Disney World for Christmas.


----------



## Genome

ZeroTolerance94 said:


> So my girlfriend of about 7 weeks cheated on me this weekend.
> 
> And I left her stranded in the woods about 2 hours from home for it.
> 
> We went to a Trucks Gone Wild event together; it's an event for mudding and off-roading 4x4s.
> Anyways, at these events you camp there. Friday night, she cheated on me with a dude that was camping next to us. I know because I witnessed it. I woke up at about 4am and she wasn't next to me so I walked outside looking for her and saw her making out with another guy. It was dark and she doesn't know I saw. But *EVERYBODY* camp saw, because when I went over to the campfire to my friends, it was the first thing I was told.
> 
> I was livid, I never went back to sleep. I stayed away and waited for her to pass out. About an hour and a half later she crawled into my tent and went to sleep. While she was sleeping I took all of her stuff out of my truck,_ ALL _of it, and put the stuff into the back of the dude she cheated on me with's truck.
> 
> As well, I hopped on her phone to check her text messages cause I have zero trust for this girl at this point, and find out she was practically in a relationship with like 4 other dudes. I screenshotted all the texts and sent them to all the dudes so that everybody she was seeing would shun her, if she led them on like she did to me.
> 
> When she woke up, I told her all of her .... is in the back of the guys truck. And she swears she has no recollection of the night previously. I know alcohol was involved, but that is no excuse.
> 
> She refused to go talk to the guy the next day; and as well EVERYBODY at camp knew that she cheated on me the night previously. So all of my friends at camp shunned her. I told her to call her parents to come get her because i'm not taking her home.
> 
> When the guy wakes up, he sees all the .... in the back of his truck... And just tosses all of it out on to the ground in the mud. All of her clothes and everything was on the ground at this point. And she refused to go pick it up, after yelling at me to go pick it up. I told her to .... off and go home, to start walking.
> 
> I lock my truck and leave to go wheeling in my mud truck and leave camp with some friends, I get back about 3-4 hours later and she's gone.
> A friend that stayed at camp told me her parents came and got her and she picked all her .... up off the muddy road anyways.
> 
> So yeah, she cheated on me and I left her stranded 2 hours from home in the middle of the woods.
> 
> I may have been pretty harsh... But I don't care.
> 
> I have *ZERO SYMPATHY *for cheaters. Fvck her.



I don't see that it was harsh, considering her parents were able to come and get her pretty quickly.

At least this happened relatively shortly into the relationship and she didn't waste any more of your time.


----------



## BucketheadRules

My girlfriend's having a really sh*tty time lately, she's working full time on a very stressful project and finishing late every day. She's also had some pretty awful family news in the last few days and is all by herself, a long way from home. I've tried to be as supportive as I possibly can and have offered to go around and see her a few times since she got the news, but she's told me that she wants to be alone to come to terms with it and isn't in the mood to see anyone. Obviously I understand and respect that, but I find it so difficult to know she's having such a bad time and that I can't do anything about it, because she doesn't want my help (what I can give of it at least). It's put me in a really bad mood today to be honest. Not at her, at myself - and not because I can't do anything to help, but because I feel like I've been bugging her even though all I'm doing is trying to help and to comfort her... I would hope she appreciates that, but she got a little annoyed at me earlier and I haven't stopped thinking about it really.

Bleh.


----------



## asher

It sucks, but giving her the space she asks for and making it clear you're there for her if she wants is the best thing you can do.


----------



## Genome

Not a relationship thing, more of a friend thing. One of my close friends has seemed pretty aloof and distant with me lately, I'm not sure why. I've certainly not done anything. We used to talk all the time and it always brightened my day speaking but they just don't seem interested in talking anymore.

I want to say something and bring it up... but how do I do that in the right way, without pissing them off?


----------



## vilk

Is this about two people that are of the same sex and gender?


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

Genome said:


> I don't see that it was harsh, considering her parents were able to come and get her pretty quickly.
> 
> At least this happened relatively shortly into the relationship and she didn't waste any more of your time.



Yeah. Happened short enough into the relationship that it doesn't bother me a whole lot.

Oh, I also took my $60 entrance fee to the mud park back. I paid for her, and the Saturday morning when I was taking all her crap out of my truck I took the $60 I paid for her to get in right out of her wallet.

My dad told me I was too harsh with her.

Dammit I wish I could've been harsher. I want no man to ever be cheated on with this girl ever again... but the odds of that happening are slim to none.

Oh well, better luck next time I suppose...


----------



## vividox

vilk said:


> Is this about two people that are of the *same sex and gender?*


This made me .


----------



## asher

vividox said:


> This made me .



They *are* diferent things.


----------



## broj15

So after 2 weeks of no contact the girl I've been trying to be with came in and saw me at work. She said that she's missed me and that when I'm not around she can't help but feel like somethings missing from her life. 

She also said that she's moving within the next month or so, however instead of moving in with her sister (over 2 hours away) she's decided to move to the same town as me (before she was living with her mom in a rural town about an hour away). She said that the money she spends on gas commuting to work is actually more than the cost of renting a house so it makes sense in that regard, but that she's also realized that it's pointless to try and run from your problems when your problems are all internal (something I've tried to do a few times only to finally come to the same realization). 

She's also started seeing a therapist and has been taking medicine, and while she's not sure if either of those things are working, it makes her feel better knowing that she's at least trying to be proactive and make a positive change for herself. She's also come to realize that everyone that she's cared about in the past she's done something ....ty to them and have hurt them and that she's tired of being that person.

I then apologized for how I handled things and gave her an explanation as to why I acted the way that I did (basically I was in one of my "downward spirals" that I have a propensity to have that usually end up with me hitting bottom and not using my better judgement and acting irrationally and engaging in very self destructive behavior) and that she had basically seen me at my worst. I then told her that I had been completely clean (barring last night. My band played our first show and I had a couple shots to calm my nerves, which I feel is justifiable) to which she said that she was very proud of me. Before she left we made plans to hang out Thursday and she kissed me. So at least things are looking up and with any luck it will keep moving in that direction.


----------



## Genome

vilk said:


> Is this about two people that are of the same sex and gender?



Opposite but no, I don't feel that way about her. She is just an old and close friend.


----------



## Maybrick

broj15 said:


> So after 2 weeks of no contact the girl I've been trying to be with came in and saw me at work. She said that she's missed me and that when I'm not around she can't help but feel like somethings missing from her life.
> 
> She also said that she's moving within the next month or so, however instead of moving in with her sister (over 2 hours away) she's decided to move to the same town as me (before she was living with her mom in a rural town about an hour away). She said that the money she spends on gas commuting to work is actually more than the cost of renting a house so it makes sense in that regard, but that she's also realized that it's pointless to try and run from your problems when your problems are all internal (something I've tried to do a few times only to finally come to the same realization).
> 
> She's also started seeing a therapist and has been taking medicine, and while she's not sure if either of those things are working, it makes her feel better knowing that she's at least trying to be proactive and make a positive change for herself. She's also come to realize that everyone that she's cared about in the past she's done something ....ty to them and have hurt them and that she's tired of being that person.
> 
> I then apologized for how I handled things and gave her an explanation as to why I acted the way that I did (basically I was in one of my "downward spirals" that I have a propensity to have that usually end up with me hitting bottom and not using my better judgement and acting irrationally and engaging in very self destructive behavior) and that she had basically seen me at my worst. I then told her that I had been completely clean (barring last night. My band played our first show and I had a couple shots to calm my nerves, which I feel is justifiable) to which she said that she was very proud of me. Before she left we made plans to hang out Thursday and she kissed me. So at least things are looking up and with any luck it will keep moving in that direction.



This is great work (dont know the rest of the story, not sure if you posted it in previous pages?!)

One thing I've been learning a lot recently is that when you have a relationship and both parties are unhappy (not due to the relationship itself but to outside factors like depression, family etc) it really works wonders if you can show your partner that you can overcome them on your own. If your partner see's you taking the bull by the fu*kin' balls then it'll only inspire them to do so too.

Hell, I'm sure a lot of you that read this will know that when you spend time around depressed people, it brings you down too. If you can turn things around it'll only help your partner feel happier and inspire them to feel better about things.

Maybe this is a waste typing this because a lot will consider it obvious, I just love reading posts like this one dude's because its encouraging to others.


----------



## vividox

asher said:


> They *are* diferent things.


Eh, while technically correct, they are still close enough in meaning to be used as synonyms in some cases. It may not be 100% redundant, but it's at least 63% redundant.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Sent her a good morning FB message around the time we both got up (me for uni, her for work), it's eight hours later and she's been online a fair bit but hasn't opened it... I haven't said anything else because I know she'll be frantically busy at work and needs some space anyway, but goddamn it sucks not being able to talk to her.

I guess I'm being too needy, and she seemingly isn't like that at all which makes the relative lack of communication disconcerting for me, but I know if this is gonna work I need to learn to give her a lot more space than I'm used to.

I'm debating whether or not to send her a quick "how was your day" type thing later this evening, or should I just keep quiet?

God f*cking dammit this sucks. I just want to be able to cheer her up.


----------



## MetalheadMC

^^^patience.


----------



## BucketheadRules

MetalheadMC said:


> ^^^patience.



Thanks man.

I am too needy, I accept that. I struggled with pretty crippling self-esteem issues for quite a few years at school, and I'm only just coming out of that state of mind quite recently. I generally think I've gotten a lot better at dealing with it, and when I mentioned this stuff to my gf once, she said something like "You really don't need to worry so much"... so it's been a major confidence boost to (seemingly) have her interest. 

But things like this remind me I still have a way to go... I suppose the self-loathing itself is pretty much gone but the sort of "hangover" from those feelings is why I get clingy when I feel like I have something good going with someone... because I fear loneliness and rejection, and so I feel like I need to keep reminding her that I exist, if you get me. I appreciate that in the situation she's currently in, she has bigger fish to fry than keeping up regular conversation with me and that it shouldn't harm our relationship too much if we don't make a big deal of it, but a large part of me still finds that silence really disconcerting.

Those f*cking bullies at school, man. What absolute bastards... I hate to shift the blame because I'm sure there are plenty of ways I could have dealt with it better, but those kids really did ruin my life at the time, and stuff like this makes me realise they're still doing so even though I haven't spoken to any of them since leaving school nearly three years ago. I wish I could just flip a switch, get over it and have a brain that works properly and doesn't get so hopelessly attached and needy.


----------



## Maybrick

BucketheadRules said:


> I'm debating whether or not to send her a quick "how was your day" type thing later this evening, or should I just keep quiet?.



Trust me man, just leave it. Yeah it'll piss you off but just play guitar, watch TV or whatever.

If shes busy and you message her again you might get the opposite reaction you're looking for.

She'll message you back when shes ready.

Also I'd recommend when she messages you back, dont message back instantly either


----------



## MetalheadMC

Bucket head-i know it's rough. Mental abuse is a real thing and it effects you quite often at times. Best thing I can say from my perspective and experience is to try and leave it in the past. You hopefully will not ever have to deal with anyone that was a bully to you in your past again. 

Agreed with Maybrick, wait it out and she'll message when she's ready. You definitley don't want to smother her, even if it is inadvertent.

Question for you, if you talk to her on a semi constant basis, why not just text? Why do the Facebook messaging route? Just curiosity


----------



## BucketheadRules

MetalheadMC said:


> Bucket head-i know it's rough. Mental abuse is a real thing and it effects you quite often at times. Best thing I can say from my perspective and experience is to try and leave it in the past. You hopefully will not ever have to deal with anyone that was a bully to you in your past again.
> 
> Agreed with Maybrick, wait it out and she'll message when she's ready. You definitley don't want to smother her, even if it is inadvertent.
> 
> Question for you, if you talk to her on a semi constant basis, why not just text? Why do the Facebook messaging route? Just curiosity



We actually started out that way and texted each other all day for weeks on end, but her phone was playing up about a week ago and not sending/receiving texts so we started talking on Messenger instead. I have no real preference, we still text sometimes too.

This is the fear setting in again, but I really hope she does actually respond at some point this evening... if she doesn't, shall I say good morning tomorrow? I have no idea. I know it's for the best and of course I don't want to smother her, but I hope she actually wants to talk to me at some point.


----------



## broj15

BucketheadRules said:


> Thanks man.
> 
> I am too needy, I accept that. I struggled with pretty crippling self-esteem issues for quite a few years at school, and I'm only just coming out of that state of mind quite recently. I generally think I've gotten a lot better at dealing with it, and when I mentioned this stuff to my gf once, she said something like "You really don't need to worry so much"... so it's been a major confidence boost to (seemingly) have her interest.
> 
> But things like this remind me I still have a way to go... I suppose the self-loathing itself is pretty much gone but the sort of "hangover" from those feelings is why I get clingy when I feel like I have something good going with someone... because I fear loneliness and rejection, and so I feel like I need to keep reminding her that I exist, if you get me. I appreciate that in the situation she's currently in, she has bigger fish to fry than keeping up regular conversation with me and that it shouldn't harm our relationship too much if we don't make a big deal of it, but a large part of me still finds that silence really disconcerting.
> 
> Those f*cking bullies at school, man. What absolute bastards... I hate to shift the blame because I'm sure there are plenty of ways I could have dealt with it better, but those kids really did ruin my life at the time, and stuff like this makes me realise they're still doing so even though I haven't spoken to any of them since leaving school nearly three years ago. I wish I could just flip a switch, get over it and have a brain that works properly and doesn't get so hopelessly attached and needy.




fvck, I wish I didn't identify with this post as much as I do... Just remember that you're far from alone. I'm sending pos vibes your way and hoping everything works out for the best.


----------



## MetalheadMC

BucketheadRules said:


> We actually started out that way and texted each other all day for weeks on end, but her phone was playing up about a week ago and not sending/receiving texts so we started talking on Messenger instead. I have no real preference, we still text sometimes too.
> 
> This is the fear setting in again, but I really hope she does actually respond at some point this evening... if she doesn't, shall I say good morning tomorrow? I have no idea. I know it's for the best and of course I don't want to smother her, but I hope she actually wants to talk to me at some point.



I would honestly give it a day or 2 in between and then try the good mornings and all. Try not to beat yourself up over it. Let her deal with her stuff and she'll come back. Especially if everything between yall was peachy before she had to deal with what she is. 

Have confidence and stay positive brother


----------



## Maybrick

I joined SSO to learn more about guitars and music but I spent most of my time reading this thread haha.


----------



## Alberto7

Agreed with the others, man. Don't text her tomorrow, perhaps even the day after. It'll show you actually respect her decision. I know it's hard though... I'd be anxious if I were in your place, and for the exact same reasons as you, but you just gotta bear with it for just a bit longer. Then it'll hopefully be all dandy afterwards.



MetalheadMC said:


> Question for you, if you talk to her on a semi constant basis, why not just text? Why do the Facebook messaging route? Just curiosity



That's a funny question. To me, they're both the same thing if done from a phone,  one uses data the other doesn't, but that's about it. FB Messenger app, the default texting app, WhatsApp, Line, you name it. It's all the same to me. 



Maybrick said:


> I joined SSO to learn more about guitars and music but I spent most of my time reading this thread haha.



My work around here these days is 95% love and anime thread, 5% lurking on guitar/music-related threads.  These days I crave the community more than I crave the music and the guitars.


----------



## TheHandOfStone

this is a guitar site.


----------



## flint757

I'm confused by all the advice to do nothing here. She isn't mad at you and is depressed/stressed because of purely personal baggage. Pestering her non-stop is certainly a bad idea if she wants space, but I fail to see how the occasional supportive message like 'Hope you have a good day' or 'Good morning' or whatever is going to send her to a bad place or cause her to break up with you. This isn't a situation where he screwed up and she's asking for space specifically from him to sort things out. Leaving her alone would be sound advice in that situation, but I don't see it here. JMO

[EDIT]

Also, when I'm really depressed what I say and what I want rarely line up. I say I want to be alone and usually that's the opposite of what I want or need. Usually doing what I don't want to do in the moment when I'm down actually helps me get out of those funks. Wallowing in sadness alone is a recipe for deeper depression in my experience.


----------



## MetalheadMC

flint757 said:


> I'm confused by all the advice to do nothing here. She isn't mad at you and is depressed/stressed because of purely personal baggage. Pestering her non-stop is certainly a bad idea if she wants space, but I fail to see how the occasional supportive message like 'Hope you have a good day' or 'Good morning' or whatever is going to send her to a bad place or cause her to break up with him. This isn't a situation where he screwed up and she's asking for space specifically from him to sort things out. Leaving her alone would be sound advice in that situation, but I don't see it here. JMO
> 
> [EDIT]
> 
> Also, when I'm really depressed what I say and what I want rarely line up. I say I want to be alone and usually that's the opposite of what I want or need. Usually doing what I don't want to do in the moment when I'm down actually helps me get out of those funks. Wallowing in sadness alone is a recipe for deeper depression in my experience.



My reasoning is because he sent her a message on facebook. He knows she's been online or whatever, but hasn't read the message. If he sent it that today, then I would personally give her a day or so, then a good morning a day or so after. That's what I was referring to. That way it gives her ample amount of time to respond whenever in that timeframe.


----------



## Alberto7

flint757 said:


> I'm confused by all the advice to do nothing here. She isn't mad at you and is depressed/stressed because of purely personal baggage. Pestering her non-stop is certainly a bad idea if she wants space, but I fail to see how the occasional supportive message like 'Hope you have a good day' or 'Good morning' or whatever is going to send her to a bad place or cause her to break up with him. This isn't a situation where he screwed up and she's asking for space specifically from him to sort things out. Leaving her alone would be sound advice in that situation, but I don't see it here. JMO



I see what you're saying. Ideally, he wouldn't have to worry about it and he could offer his help at any point without meeting with resistance. However, I feel like the situation may be more nuanced than that, especially if she never got back to him after his previous comment, and she may really want to be left alone. It's true that he never screwed up, but I think it's the safer play to give her some space this time. If I am not mistaken, this is the first hurdle in the relationship, and they're still figuring each other out, so we don't know what exactly is going through her head. After this is done and over, maybe they can have a chat about it to see if next time she'd be more open to letting him into her issues. For his sake though, I think it's better if he compromises just a little bit this one time, just to avoid conflict.

Then again,



flint757 said:


> Also, when I'm really depressed what I say and what I want rarely line up. I say I want to be alone and usually that's the opposite of what I want or need. Usually doing what I don't want to do in the moment when I'm down actually helps me get out of those funks. Wallowing in sadness alone is a recipe for deeper depression in my experience.



And you do have a valid point here, and I think most of us are that way. This is actually an issue that I constantly dispute with my sister (she's much more the "don't tell me how to live my life" kind of person than I am, and gets actively offended when someone trespasses the bubble she's created for herself), that I had to face with my old roommate (who simply has a hard time letting people in, and, because we were really close and I was mad in love with her, I felt a desperate need to help), and that I am facing with one of my current roommates (on whom I gave up, since her situation is too problematic for me to be dealing with it, only to be met with rejection over and over again). Dealing with that kind of situation requires people who are very, very close and know each other very well. We've all been raised and educated to intervene only as far as the other party verbally allows us to (and I find this is especially true of North-Western cultures, where the concept of individuality has an incredibly strong presence), but it's much harder knowing what the person actually needs - and harder yet to act upon those needs. Going against what they claim to want/need can easily jeopardize a relationship if the right cards aren't played. From the way I see it, it's better to leave the person alone if they're adamant about it, and once they're back on their feet again, the terms of the relationship can be re-negotiated, to put it that way.

... I think that made sense?

Again, that's just my particular line of thinking.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Thanks for all your advice guys... I do quite like the idea of just sending a little something supportive that lets her know I'm thinking about her without making her say anything, as flint757 said... but I get what the rest of you mean as well. I dunno, it makes me uncomfortable leaving this much space but that's just something I need to get used to I suppose.

And yeah this is the first problem we've encountered really. She said she wasn't angry at me and asked me not to take it personally, but she did snap at me a little yesterday as I mentioned, which spooked me (probably just because it's something I'm not used to). I would like to talk to her about it and see if there's a way I can help her in the future without being too invasive, but it's a case of when I can see her face to face again, and I don't know when we'll get a chance to do that what with how busy and stressed she is... I don't know how she's feeling, I don't know when I should talk to her next and I don't know when she'll be in the mood to actually see me next - that last one is the hardest to deal with.

The more I think about this the more I worry... it shouldn't be anything big and when I rationalise it, it isn't... but I guess the insecurity and the paranoia builds up in my head and makes me wonder if she's getting sick of me already or something... even though there hasn't really been any cause for concern until now... this is my first relationship and I've never dealt with this kind of thing really. Am I being stupid?


----------



## High Plains Drifter

BucketheadRules said:


> Thanks for all your advice guys... I do quite like the idea of just sending a little something supportive that lets her know I'm thinking about her without making her say anything, as flint757 said... but I get what the rest of you mean as well. I dunno, it makes me uncomfortable leaving this much space but that's just something I need to get used to I suppose.
> 
> And yeah this is the first problem we've encountered really. She said she wasn't angry at me and asked me not to take it personally, but she did snap at me a little yesterday as I mentioned, which spooked me (probably just because it's something I'm not used to). I would like to talk to her about it and see if there's a way I can help her in the future without being too invasive, but it's a case of when I can see her face to face again, and I don't know when we'll get a chance to do that what with how busy and stressed she is... I don't know how she's feeling, I don't know when I should talk to her next and I don't know when she'll be in the mood to actually see me next - that last one is the hardest to deal with.
> 
> The more I think about this the more I worry... it shouldn't be anything big and when I rationalise it, it isn't... but I guess the insecurity and the paranoia builds up in my head and makes me wonder if she's getting sick of me already or something... even though there hasn't really been any cause for concern until now... this is my first relationship and I've never dealt with this kind of thing really. Am I being stupid?



Stupid? Not in any sense of the word. We as humans become products of what we know. Unfortunately a good deal of what you know ( or more accurately "what you are used to") is rejection, anxiety, and doubt. I completely understand what flint has suggested as well as others... and I honestly don't think that there is anything wrong with any of the advice/ opinions from either side. There comes a point where you must act in a way that you feel is going to best suit your individual circumstances. You may be inexperienced in regards to long-standing intimate relationships but I feel that you are quite perceptive for the most part. 

Trust your instincts, man. No one else can ideally evaluate your situation with complete conviction as to "right or wrong". I would suggest that although there are some very lucid and wise opinions here, that ultimately you need to step back from this on-line discussion and evaluate your true feelings about all of this. 

You must also keep in mind that you do not necessarily know for sure HER situation/ feelings/ past... and therefore there may be much more to this than what you are being told or led to believe. Ultimately you need to gather your thoughts and have a candid and sincere discussion with her about the situation. No matter what others ( including myself) may tell you, there will not be a progressive direction with this unless or until you and she are both willing and able to really communicate about your relationship. Right now it's almost in limbo ( for lack of a better term) and that's just so so painful and confusing to endure. 

Don't stop reaching out to the community or to your close friends, family, etc... but for better or for worse your concerns are not going to be extinguished unless you and she can both have a genuine and open dialogue about things... no matter how busy either of you are. You deserve validation and appreciation and I feel that the time is fast approaching that if she has a genuine interest in this particular relationship, that she corresponds with you. You deserve that and again.. you ARE smart.


----------



## Alberto7

High Plains Drifter said:


> Stupid? Not in any sense of the word. We as humans become products of what we know. Unfortunately a good deal of what you know ( or more accurately "what you are used to") is rejection, anxiety, and doubt. I completely understand what flint has suggested as well as others... and I honestly don't think that there is anything wrong with any of the advice/ opinions from either side. There comes a point where you must act in a way that you feel is going to best suit your individual circumstances. You may be inexperienced in regards to long-standing intimate relationships but I feel that you are quite perceptive for the most part.
> 
> Trust your instincts, man. No one else can ideally evaluate your situation with complete conviction as to "right or wrong". I would suggest that although there are some very lucid and wise opinions here, that ultimately you need to step back from this on-line discussion and evaluate your true feelings about all of this.
> 
> You must also keep in mind that you do not necessarily know for sure HER situation/ feelings/ past... and therefore there may be much more to this than what you are being told or led to believe. Ultimately you need to gather your thoughts and have a candid and sincere discussion with her about the situation. No matter what others ( including myself) may tell you, there will not be a progressive direction with this unless or until you and she are both willing and able to really communicate about your relationship. Right now it's almost in limbo ( for lack of a better term) and that's just so so painful and confusing to endure.
> 
> Don't stop reaching out to the community or to your close friends, family, etc... but for better or for worse your concerns are not going to be extinguished unless you and she can both have a genuine and open dialogue about things... no matter how busy either of you are. You deserve validation and appreciation and I feel that the time is fast approaching that if she has a genuine interest in this particular relationship, that she corresponds with you. You deserve that and again.. you ARE smart.



All of this. So much. +9001


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## BucketheadRules

High Plains Drifter said:


> You must also keep in mind that you do not necessarily know for sure HER situation/ feelings/ past... and therefore there may be much more to this than what you are being told or led to believe. Ultimately you need to gather your thoughts and have a candid and sincere discussion with her about the situation. No matter what others ( including myself) may tell you, there will not be a progressive direction with this unless or until you and she are both willing and able to really communicate about your relationship. Right now it's almost in limbo ( for lack of a better term) and that's just so so painful and confusing to endure.
> 
> Don't stop reaching out to the community or to your close friends, family, etc... but for better or for worse your concerns are not going to be extinguished unless you and she can both have a genuine and open dialogue about things... no matter how busy either of you are. You deserve validation and appreciation and I feel that the time is fast approaching that if she has a genuine interest in this particular relationship, that she corresponds with you. You deserve that and again.. you ARE smart.



Well there's been something of that already, a couple of days ago the issue was that I asked if I was ok to park my car outside hers for a couple of hours while I had rehearsals at uni (she lives relatively close to where I study) and she said "Park there if you want but don't expect to see me or anything, don't take it personally but I'm really not in the mood to see anyone", and I replied saying something like "I was going to offer to drop in and say hi but I wasn't expecting you to want to, not a problem. Sorry if I've made you angry, wasn't my intention"... then she replied with "You haven't upset me, I'm just very stressed and have a lot going on, I'm not the kind of person who wants people around when something's wrong, I'd rather deal with it myself". I replied with "I totally understand, I just find it difficult to know you're having such a bad time and I can't do anything to help, but that's how you do things and I respect that. As long as you know I'm here if you do want someone around then I'm cool".

Other than the still-unopened good morning from yesterday, that's the last that was said.

I dunno, it seems like a pretty genuine and open dialogue... it's a start at least. I still feel bad because I feel like I pissed her off and maybe smothered her a little too much, but I was acting that way before I knew how she likes to deal with stuff so I suppose I wasn't to know... at least I have a better idea of how to approach this now, but I don't know what to say next, or when. I'm feeling like a quick "I hope things are going better today, are you alright?" might be an idea later this afternoon, or maybe in the evening after she'll have finished (although I don't know when that will be, she's been working late recently). I just hope she actually replies... I don't like not talking to her.


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## naw38

BucketheadRules said:


> I dunno, it seems like a pretty genuine and open dialogue... it's a start at least. I still feel bad because I feel like I pissed her off and maybe smothered her a little too much, but I was acting that way before I knew how she likes to deal with stuff so I suppose I wasn't to know...



Alright, so obviously I don't know your partner at all or all of the details of your relationship from her perspective. But I went through a similar kind of thing recently. 
My girlfriend just pissed off to another part of the country for three months; she has to do regional work in order to extend her visa. Now, we've been chatting/dating/whatever for two months now, met on OK Cupid. Since day one, we're chatting all day long over the internet. She'd go to parties, work do's, new years eve parties, dates with other guys, we'd be chatting the whole time. 
She moves in with us recently, it's all magical and wonderful. Then she leaves.
All of a sudden she's in this remote area, doing ....ty work for ....ty money that she doesn't want to do but has to because of bizarre, arbitrary government regulations, all the while surrounded by strangers with only one friend there. And she hardly messages me at all; my insecurities go into overdrive and I start hating everything and doubting everything she said to me. 
But I gritted my teeth, and eventually told her that I understood that she was busy and things were hectic for her, but I needed to know she actually gave a ..... Which she did. Very sweetly. 

So maybe it's important to let her know that you are also a human being with... emotions and what have you, and that your feelings need to be considered in some slight way. But maybe not. Just a thought. I guess it depends on her intentions and temperament.


----------



## Maybrick

BucketheadRules said:


> Sorry if I've made you angry, wasn't my intention"



Man, dont apologize for .... if you know that you actually haven't done anything wrong .

You sound exactly like how I use to be. Problem is, that'll piss her off if you apologize for .... you didnt do, especially if she knows your just apologizing to keep her happy/keep the peace.

I went through a similar thing with my ex although it was some important projects at work instead of school. I ended up just winding her up and stressing her out more because she felt like she had to worry about her job/workload as well as keeping me happy/entertained.

If you two have been together longer than a month, she'll know you care and are looking out for her. Just give her the time and space she needs and she'll be there for you buddy.


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## BucketheadRules

Maybrick said:


> Man, dont apologize for .... if you know that you actually haven't done anything wrong .
> 
> You sound exactly like how I use to be. Problem is, that'll piss her off if you apologize for .... you didnt do, especially if she knows your just apologizing to keep her happy/keep the peace.
> 
> I went through a similar thing with my ex although it was some important projects at work instead of school. I ended up just winding her up and stressing her out more because she felt like she had to worry about her job/workload as well as keeping me happy/entertained.
> 
> If you two have been together longer than a month, she'll know you care and are looking out for her. Just give her the time and space she needs and she'll be there for you buddy.



No it actually is important projects at work that she's working on - she works full-time. So I guess so far it's been alright to leave her some space, but I dunno how much longer I should/can keep it up. And that's the only time I can think of that she may have felt like I'm apologising for the sake of it but to be honest, I wanted to nip it in the bud in case I made anything worse... I'm sure I could have said something different that would have been ok but I felt like this was right at the time. I'll bear it in mind though.

I'm sure she knows I care, I've made it clear to her enough times.


----------



## Maybrick

BucketheadRules said:


> No it actually is important projects at work that she's working on - she works full-time. So I guess so far it's been alright to leave her some space, but I dunno how much longer I should/can keep it up. And that's the only time I can think of that she may have felt like I'm apologising for the sake of it but to be honest, I wanted to nip it in the bud in case I made anything worse... I'm sure I could have said something different that would have been ok but I felt like this was right at the time. I'll bear it in mind though.
> 
> I'm sure she knows I care, I've made it clear to her enough times.



Ahh ok sorry man.

Well as much as you need to give her space (I dont know how long you've gone so far) you obviously need to lookout for yourself too. Give it 2 or 3 days at the most if you dont hear anything then just message her.


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## High Plains Drifter

BucketheadRules said:


> Well there's been something of that already, a couple of days ago the issue was that I asked if I was ok to park my car outside hers for a couple of hours while I had rehearsals at uni (she lives relatively close to where I study) and she said "Park there if you want but don't expect to see me or anything, don't take it personally but I'm really not in the mood to see anyone", and I replied saying something like "I was going to offer to drop in and say hi but I wasn't expecting you to want to, not a problem. Sorry if I've made you angry, wasn't my intention"... then she replied with "You haven't upset me, I'm just very stressed and have a lot going on, I'm not the kind of person who wants people around when something's wrong, I'd rather deal with it myself". I replied with "I totally understand, I just find it difficult to know you're having such a bad time and I can't do anything to help, but that's how you do things and I respect that. As long as you know I'm here if you do want someone around then I'm cool".
> 
> Other than the still-unopened good morning from yesterday, that's the last that was said.
> 
> I dunno, it seems like a pretty genuine and open dialogue... it's a start at least. I still feel bad because I feel like I pissed her off and maybe smothered her a little too much, but I was acting that way before I knew how she likes to deal with stuff so I suppose I wasn't to know... at least I have a better idea of how to approach this now, but I don't know what to say next, or when. I'm feeling like a quick "I hope things are going better today, are you alright?" might be an idea later this afternoon, or maybe in the evening after she'll have finished (although I don't know when that will be, she's been working late recently). I just hope she actually replies... I don't like not talking to her.



Man... I don't want to type any of what I'm getting ready to type here but DAMN... I get so damn tired of these people that string other [DECENT] people along. 

Okay... So... I understand having a rough time at work, and being stressed, and being busy. I get it. But Come on! If you have feelings for someone, and if you are really into them, and if you see some aspect of a future with them... then you DON'T BLOW THEM OFF like this. You don't avoid them because you're stressing. You instead embrace the opportunity to chat with them, or briefly text, or talk. You see their text or fb message or whatever and you SMILE and you feel BETTER. You don't ignore that person or become agitated when they contact you. And then to turn it around on that person as if that person is doing something wrong or like you are being somehow inconvenienced by a quick little text that reads "Just wanted to say hey since we haven't talked in a while. Hope you're having a good day!"??? That's just bullsh!t. I'm sorry but it is. If she digs you ( regardless of what kind of stress she's dealing with) then she's going to reciprocate your kindness and concern with a little more positive and appreciative response. 

What I'm saying to her: Be mature and talk to the dude. Here you have a good dude with his heart in the right place. He misses you and really digs you. He's not doing anything wrong but YOU decide to instead not only avoid candid discussion, but THEN turn things around when you become irritated and act as if he is somehow the bad guy and suggest that his wanting to connect with you is somehow some [email protected] fault of his. It's NOT! I assure you that you're not doing him any favors if your heart just isn't in this thing. Jesus... Be honest with the dude. Don't string him along. He deserves better than that. He's reached out to you, he's been good to you, and he deserves your honesty.. He doesn't deserve to feel guilty or perplexed just because he wanted to briefly correspond with you! If your feelings have changed or if this was just a fling then so be it! No harm/ no foul... Not everyone is meant to be with someone that they are really into. But they deserve to be treated with some respect. 

Dude- You're gonna have to make the call on this. I personally couldn't and would not compromise my feelings and needs and desires to the point that I allowed myself to become some chicks little toy that she puts into a closet and only goes back to when the other toys aren't fun to play with anymore. Men deserve more than that. We shouldn't have to question ourselves and wind up with even more self-esteem/ confidence issues! It's not fair. She ain't all that and she needs to grow the [email protected] up and come clean. 

I'm so sorry dude... I really went off on a rampage there. I'm not saying she's a bitch dude. I have no idea what kind of girl she is but again... this is just starting to really sound like the same-ol' scenario that I've seen and ( personally dealt with) a million times before. At some point you really need to come to terms with what you're willing to accept. But you really shouldn't just put your life ( and other potential relationships) on hold until she decides that she can accommodate you. That's bull.... and you deserve better. 

I feel like I'm coming across as some self-righteous dick but I swear... I just hate watching good guys get beat up on over and over again. If she digs you then she needs to show it and stop avoiding [what is] very normal behavior on your part. You ain't doing nothing wrong dude. Don't feel guilty or bad about sh!t man. She's the one that needs to step it up if this thing is ever going to fly. 

Rant over. I hope however this works out that you achieve some piece of mind.


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## NicePants

This thread reminds me of why I've been single for two years.


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## NoodleFace

Without knowing your situation very well, if a woman said something like "Don't expect to see me or anything" then I wouldn't park outside her place and I'd stop communicating until she talked to me, if she ever did again.

No need to play the apologizing man in this case, she's the one that sounds like the bitch.


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## BucketheadRules

NoodleFace said:


> Without knowing your situation very well, if a woman said something like "Don't expect to see me or anything" then I wouldn't park outside her place and I'd stop communicating until she talked to me, if she ever did again.
> 
> No need to play the apologizing man in this case, she's the one that sounds like the bitch.



I dunno, that seems a little harsh. She's been under a lot of pressure at work with a very intense, all-consuming project that is in its final stages, and has also had some fairly devastating news in her family in the last few days (her grandmother has cancer and has chosen not to be treated, which has been very tough for her to deal with obviously). Not to mention that she's living here in London, thousands of miles away from her immediate family, and presumably feels very isolated and even further from home than usual at a time like this. I think she could be handling things far worse.

I had to try a few times, which is not what I wanted, but I did manage to get a reply from her... I got a little desperate and eventually said "Just send me a one liner to let me know you're ok" and she said something like "I don't want to talk to anyone. I'm alive, that's about all I can say".

I replied with "You know where I am. Thinking of you, as always xx".

I hope she's feeling better soon. It really pains me to know she's hurting like this. My mind is significantly more at ease now though, just having spoken to her. If space is what she needs to deal with it, then that's fine... but every so often I do just want to make sure she's... I dunno, still alive.


EDIT: Oh, and I didn't park outside hers, I parked further down her road. That journey was a pain in the arse anyway, I thought it'd be easier but I ended up wishing I'd just got the train. Driving in London is a c*nt.


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## Varcolac

The amount of weird trashing of BucketheadRules's girlfriend in the last few posts is interesting.

Sometimes work's a bitch. Sometimes families have issues that get in the way. Some people retreat into themselves to deal with it. I know I do. There've been weeks when everything was awful at work and I knew I would be absolutely no fun to be around, so I let my other half know and she was like "OK, I'm here for you if you need me, but sort your own shlt out the way that works for you." Shlt got sorted. Turned up at hers with a bottle of wine and a pizza. Regularly scheduled programming of romance resumed.

BucketheadRules seems to be doing the right thing. Leave her be. If she's dealing with shlt let her deal with it. Don't expect people going through stressful circumstances to act as if nothing's wrong, and certainly don't call them a bitch for dealing with their problems in their own way.


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## BucketheadRules

Varcolac said:


> The amount of weird trashing of BucketheadRules's girlfriend in the last few posts is interesting.
> 
> Sometimes work's a bitch. Sometimes families have issues that get in the way. Some people retreat into themselves to deal with it. I know I do. There've been weeks when everything was awful at work and I knew I would be absolutely no fun to be around, so I let my other half know and she was like "OK, I'm here for you if you need me, but sort your own shlt out the way that works for you." Shlt got sorted. Turned up at hers with a bottle of wine and a pizza. Regularly scheduled programming of romance resumed.
> 
> BucketheadRules seems to be doing the right thing. Leave her be. If she's dealing with shlt let her deal with it. Don't expect people going through stressful circumstances to act as if nothing's wrong, and certainly don't call them a bitch for dealing with their problems in their own way.



If I could super like this I would. Music to my ears 

A couple of those posts really did make me lose faith and get extremely worried before she eventually replied. Obviously not your intentions guys, I know you mean well and I still appreciate that you've cared enough about my situation to give me your  but yeah.


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## Alberto7

^ That.

Like I said before, this is their first hurdle. No need to shank someone the first time they f*ck up (assuming this can even be called 'f*cking up'). We all do at some point. Give her a chance, it's fine. It's not like she keeps doing this to you, or like she's being disrespectful about it. Sh*t does happen. Would it be nicer if she'd let you in on her stuff? Probably, but give it time. I'm sure you two will talk about this once the current situation is over, and you two will learn how to deal with each other in stressful times a little better. If things go well, in time, she'll let you in more and more as you develop your trust.


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## Chokey Chicken

Holy ..... Kudos to two of the posters above who don't realize that people are individuals and handle grief/stress differently. Not everyone likes to talk about their problems. Some people, like BH's gf and myself tend to like to sleep off the stress. Human interaction, no matter how well intended just doesn't do anything for some people. 

You wanna talk about "being honest?" What part of "I really want to be alone" isn't honest? 

My advice is this: send at most one more message. Word it along the lines of what follows. 

"Hey, I know you're stressed and are dealing with some stuff. I don't want to smother you so I'll leave it at this. I'm here to talk whenever you decide your ready/whenever this all passes." 

That's it. She'll come to you when she's ready. Don't keep sending messages, especially if she hasn't even read your most recent one. Neither of you is wrong in this. Its just the .... that kind of happens every now and again.


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## BucketheadRules

Chokey Chicken said:


> Holy ..... Kudos to two of the posters above who don't realize that people are individuals and handle grief/stress differently. Not everyone likes to talk about their problems. Some people, like BH's gf and myself tend to like to sleep off the stress. Human interaction, no matter how well intended just doesn't do anything for some people.
> 
> You wanna talk about "being honest?" What part of "I really want to be alone" isn't honest?
> 
> My advice is this: send at most one more message. Word it along the lines of what follows.
> 
> "Hey, I know you're stressed and are dealing with some stuff. I don't want to smother you so I'll leave it at this. I'm here to talk whenever you decide your ready/whenever this all passes."
> 
> That's it. She'll come to you when she's ready. Don't keep sending messages, especially if she hasn't even read your most recent one. Neither of you is wrong in this. Its just the .... that kind of happens every now and again.



Kind of done that already, don't know if you saw my more recent post, a few above this one.

I may send her one more along those lines at some point, but I think I should leave her alone for a day or so at least now.


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## austink

BucketheadRules said:


> Kind of done that already, don't know if you saw my more recent post, a few above this one.
> 
> I may send her one more along those lines at some point, but I think I should leave her alone for a day or so at least now.



+1 for just giving her space and letting it play out. People all have different stuff going on in their lives and sometimes can't handle them all at once. Nothing she said is especially sketchy or anything. You can be supportive without being clingy. I think you hit a good balance. 

When she wants to talk you will be there, but up until then there is no reason to beat yourself up. 


Side Note: that truck/cheating story had my busting up laughing at work. I don't think it was too harsh.


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## ZeroTolerance94

austink said:


> Side Note: that truck/cheating story had my busting up laughing at work. I don't think it was too harsh.



Glad it made you laugh haha.
The reason I felt so compelled to post that is because my dad told me I was too harsh on her. 

Otherwise had a blast the whole rest of the weekend. Got wasted drunk and broke the transfer case in my '87 Chevy. 

Felt good knowing her entire weekend went to .... while I had more fun than I've had in awhile and made friends with some really good people. 

With any luck by the next mudfest event I have another girlfriend... who's actually faithful haha.


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## BucketheadRules

One thing we have in common music-wise is a liking for John Mayer, so I just recorded a little clip of me playing "Waiting on the World to Change"... I'll send it to her at some point in the next few days. Hopefully it'll make her smile.


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## High Plains Drifter

Apologies to ^^^. I shouldn't have gone off like I did in my last post... Bad week at work and maybe some lingering animosity about some of my own failed relationships. I certainly shouldn't have said anything since every situation is different and it wasn't really my place to interject. Humble regret.


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## bigboy

So yeah ummm my ex sent me a Facebook request.she put me threw hell. 6+ years together ,f-Ed around on me . Broke up with me I had to take the spair room. She got my place,stuff an animals. I left an went to my mom,it was he'll an i went back to her. We lasted 2 months this time she got mad cause I had a cigarette An i lied about it. Tbh we both have major issues as u can tell. She is sick an I was her angle an I was very scared of losing her. We had no kids but wanted,we looked after her 45 year old mom who had 3 stokes. It was stressful an it was not just her it was me to. I was lazy,fat an in to drugs. Keep in mind we both had no free time away from one another. Bills where paid but she was done with me. Now im back at my moms I'm sitting her with the tv on hating life. I don't work I'm disabled an feel so lost. My guitar helps but today I feel even more sick. So I make the mistake i go on Facebook. I see she is in the er sick. It hurts me im not there even though deep down i hate her. I see a friend request from her,I'm not sure what to do?. Send a private message? I don't know guys I am no kid an not new to girls/women.


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## ThePhilosopher

<br>, use it.


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## bigboy

Guess what... She mad at her family and knows I was right. Bet she is feeling bad. I was there threw 13 freaken surgery's she had. Took care of HER mom threw the years. I took her in MY house when she was in a shelter. I was a damn saint but sure I had issues but we all do. An her Facebook post reads like this ...F MY SO CALLED FAMILY IT'S ME AN MOM. Guess the guy/guys she choice over me are not great MEN. I told her let's get professional help,lets move. No drugs no beer but... She wanted to be a WHORE. It's killing me all this. I mean this is a year an a few months we broke up then tried again. I'm gonna go have a cigg lol


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## A-Branger

ignore her. Delete friend request and dont write anything to her


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## bigboy

ThePhilosopher said:


> <br>, use it.



What??? Not now ok brotha?


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## bigboy

A-Branger said:


> ignore her. Delete friend request and dont write anything to her



I just hate where I live it makes me so sick bro. The drama with her is just as worse.


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## A-Branger

bigboy said:


> I just hate where I live it makes me so sick bro. The drama with her is just as worse.



exaclty, so you dont have a why to be dealing with her at this point (or ever again)

from what you wrote, this is a really really toxic relationship. Its making far far more damage to you than any good. Get away from it. You already are away, so stay away.

You tried, it fail, move on

Delete her request, block her, do not see her profile. And do not write to her.

key point here DO NOT write to her. Even to say "why you add me again?" kinda thing, or to say " F you!!" DO NOT write to her. In the moment you PM her, you are opening the door for her to start talking back to you and all the .... that comes with. Do not open a door you wont be able to close


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## bigboy

A-Branger said:


> exaclty, so you dont have a why to be dealing with her at this point (or ever again)
> 
> from what you wrote, this is a really really toxic relationship. Its making far far more damage to you than any good. Get away from it. You already are away, so stay away.
> 
> You tried, it fail, move on
> 
> Delete her request, block her, do not see her profile. And do not write to her.
> 
> key point here DO NOT write to her. Even to say "why you add me again?" kinda thing, or to say " F you!!" DO NOT write to her. In the moment you PM her, you are opening the door for her to start talking back to you and all the .... that comes with. Do not open a door you wont be able to close



Thank you,I have to do what u said. I feel bad she is sick but she did kick me outta her life after all. Guess she will feel the pain now as the high she was on is over.


----------



## bigboy

My bro home from work,he is drunk lol. He is a dick but he wants to play hockey on PlayStation an have a few beers.


----------



## Hollowway

bigboy said:


> What??? Not now ok brotha?



Actually, I think you should listen to him. Focus on bettering yourself, and don't skimp on things that take self improvement. That relationship was toxic (and very closely mirrored one of mine). Getting back together will not do either of you any good. Avoid her! Helping people is great, but you will not be helping her or yourself. Focus on becoming a better person and helping others and you will be able to steer clear of this sort of stuff in the future. You won't be dragged down.


----------



## bigboy

Hollowway said:


> Actually, I think you should listen to him. Focus on bettering yourself, and don't skimp on things that take self improvement. That relationship was toxic (and very closely mirrored one of mine). Getting back together will not do either of you any good. Avoid her! Helping people is great, but you will not be helping her or yourself. Focus on becoming a better person and helping others and you will be able to steer clear of this sort of stuff in the future. You won't be dragged down.



It's nice to know u understand thank you. I really need help/meds etc tbh. I'm just wasting away doing nothing walloping in the major bs at my moms. It's not my home I guess I don't like to be alone. I did go back onces again but she still texted guys,an my friends told her she needed to ditch her phone an work un US. She said Ohh I'm a loner well we where loners together. Had a home,pets,money,food an got to go out AT timed. Her mother was a major head ache. She was around to much it effected our ALONE time lol. That was a issue hence why I said she was a whore. It's like a damn movie I went threw. He'll it was pure nutty nonsense tbh. An I still love Her an miss her what am I a nut job? Everyone says I'm to nice,I give an give but deep down I'm a bad person. My bad ways (drugs) lead me down a road of self abuse an tbh I kinda broth most of the pain to me. I want the pain to stop,I can't sleep an I see her an hear her voice. I understand I'm sick so there is some underlined issues I deal with on top of this pain from the bs we went threw.


----------



## Rachmaninoff

Ignore her.

And also, try to enjoy your life, just try something different. An excellent place to make friends is to do some charity work. Not donate money, do actual work. There's a lot of cool people involved in these things, this may fuel a whole new friendship circle to you. Plus, helping other people is surprisingly rewarding.

Think about that!


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Seemingly from reading what you have written here... You very seriously need to speak to a professional therapist, psychiatrist, etc. It may be worth noting that in regards to your repeated reference to drug use, a inpatient or outpatient evaluation might be in order. Signs of co-dependency seem to be in play here, but regardless.... some kind of licensed counselor or mental health professional may very well be able to help you a great deal with the issues that you have gone through and may still be faced with. If you do not have health insurance, most states have programs/ opportunities for reduced or free evaluations based upon your financial situation. 

I say all this with utmost respect to you. Very best of luck with whatever you decide to do.


----------



## bigboy

Rachmaninoff said:


> Ignore her.
> 
> And also, try to enjoy your life, just try something different. An excellent place to make friends is to do some charity work. Not donate money, do actual work. There's a lot of cool people involved in these things, this may fuel a whole new friendship circle to you. Plus, helping other people is surprisingly rewarding.
> 
> Think about that!



You are on point bro, 5 min ago this girl I say girl but she's 25ish or so lol came over to me. Yeah I like her lol but anyways she was in a car accident I gave her ciggs she wanted to pay me I said no. Spoke to her told her to go to the er etc etc.it felt good I was there for her. I love helping people. I use to go to a nursing home when I was 14 an played cards an bs with a 35 year old guy. He was in a bad car accident,he was in a band played drums. An u know I love the guitar so we hit it off. Nowadays I get cought up with local drunks etc. I do wanna say the young lady an I are friends but it could be to our drug history,but that don't mean where bad people just sick an dumb .


----------



## bigboy

High Plains Drifter said:


> Seemingly from reading what you have written here... You very seriously need to speak to a professional therapist, psychiatrist, etc. It may be worth noting that in regards to your repeated reference to drug use, a inpatient or outpatient evaluation might be in order. Signs of co-dependency seem to be in play here, but regardless.... some kind of licensed counselor or mental health professional may very well be able to help you a great deal with the issues that you have gone through and may still be faced with. If you do not have health insurance, most states have programs/ opportunities for reduced or free evaluations based upon your financial situation.
> 
> I say all this with utmost respect to you. Very best of luck with whatever you decide to do.



Yup u right on,been in drug programs . My disability was effected I had a payee she was it. I umm had a worker who came to my home. So did my ex we both are sick people. I'm stuck an scarred at my moms house. It's me her an my bro who got in to ..... I'm trying to stay clean I mean I'm gonna have a few beers in a few min.


----------



## bigboy

Now my dog .... on the floor, my mom called me in. I still need to eat an my bro wants to chill. Everyday I'm like I gotta go in to a group home. I'm 31 I'm not ashamed of my bad ways . I ummm don't get food stamps I'm slacking to go to social services to get help with that. I kinda need one on one help with life stuff. I self medicate do to my family they are the worst people. I hate them an now my ex I seen her in the er in a pic. It hurt me so deeply like I failed


----------



## NoodleFace

Sorry, I'm the married cynical asshole


----------



## Rachmaninoff

bigboy said:


> I love helping people.



That's it dude, you found it. Look for some group where you can volunteer. Helping others will ultimately save you!


----------



## kamello

woah, talk about, timing, right now Im in a kinda similar situation to @Buckethead (although I don't know what's happening with my girl, she hasn't opened up regarding that)

still though, it pushes a few buttons in me and scares me a bit, since I've never been able to ''overpass'' this situation in previous relationships, everytime a girl (or hell, even friends) start with stuff like this, things end up terribly wrong. It has been a confidence killer for me and it's the BIGGEST insecurity I have in relationships


----------



## flint757

Perhaps it's a horribly incorrect opinion to have, but I honestly feel the passive aggressive, anti-social way of dealing with ones problems at any age is just incredibly immature, especially if you have people in your life that are usually their on a daily basis. I'm guilty of it as well, but it isn't exactly a hallmark of maturity from my view no matter the person doing it. 

Yeah, when someone's stressed in a way it's selfish to make them more stressed by making them concerned about your feelings too, but at the same time we aren't isolated creatures and other individual feelings matter as well. In a situation like that realistically both sides are just being selfish. One wants connection/attention that is normally present and the other wants complete isolation despite how negatively it might affect everyone around them (and even potentially themselves). She obviously has the right to handle her issues however she wishes, but to say anyone can do so without criticism is a stretch IMO. It's such a grey area scenario where both sides could be looked at as being selfish and/or immature simply based on ones preconceived notions of acceptable behavior. 

Just saying people are different doesn't really dismiss the issue as a whole. If someone were a narcissist or a sociopath we wouldn't excuse their behavior just because people handle situations differently, yet we seem to be far harsher when we perceive someone closer to what the societal norm fits.

Not sure where I'm going with this, but hey take from it what you will.


----------



## BucketheadRules

High Plains Drifter said:


> Apologies to ^^^. I shouldn't have gone off like I did in my last post... Bad week at work and maybe some lingering animosity about some of my own failed relationships. I certainly shouldn't have said anything since every situation is different and it wasn't really my place to interject. Humble regret.



That's alright man, I still appreciate you making the effort 

It certainly was your place to interject, I asked for advice and got lots of responses from various people, so no worries.


----------



## BucketheadRules

kamello said:


> woah, talk about, timing, right now Im in a kinda similar situation to @Buckethead (although I don't know what's happening with my girl, she hasn't opened up regarding that)
> 
> still though, it pushes a few buttons in me and scares me a bit, since I've never been able to ''overpass'' this situation in previous relationships, everytime a girl (or hell, even friends) start with stuff like this, things end up terribly wrong. It has been a confidence killer for me and it's the BIGGEST insecurity I have in relationships



Exactly the same feeling for me man, that's why I was so worried. I don't know how to advise really other than don't smother her, maybe send the occasional thing but keep giving her space, she might need it. In my case, I did have to actually solicit a response eventually (asked her to send me a one-liner just so I knew she was ok, which she did). It's not the most dignified-feeling thing to have to do but you may need to swallow your pride and do that at some point - but don't overdo it. Take a step back and chill out as much as you can... I know it's difficult. I find it so hard not to overthink and worry.

I've had issues like this before though, with other girls. Things have been fine up til now so I really hope what's happening with my girl at the minute won't go this way too, but in those other cases it turned out badly, and it is a f*cking horrible feeling. I can really sympathise.


----------



## bigboy

Rachmaninoff said:


> That's it dude, you found it. Look for some group where you can volunteer. Helping others will ultimately save you!



Yea,I'm in a bind with my mom an brother. I'm being asked to do to much. I been pushed in to going to my bro new rehearsal studio to move stuff,carry crap around f-that. He just got home an was like oh u working tomorrow? He then went in to the PLAN For tomorrow. It's a joke I shoulda stayed in My apartment an never came back . I woulda been 5 blocks from my ex but still my family is abusers,users an racist sob


----------



## TheKindred

Dude.

Secret of the universe: Less complaining, more action.


----------



## BucketheadRules

I really want to hear from her again. I wish she'd just let me back in... how much longer is it gonna be like this.

I don't mind if she's not up to a full-on conversation, but some kind of acknowledgement of me having said good morning can't be too hard surely?

I dunno... am I being unreasonable?


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Personally, I'd be anxious as ...., but I'd still just lay low. Its insanely hard to do, but she made it known she wants left alone, you let her know you're there, now its all just a matter of time. Persisting can only lead to bad things. 

Like I said, you let her know you're there and you're concerned. No amount of trying to instigate conversation will hasten it.


----------



## broj15

BucketheadRules said:


> I really want to hear from her again. I wish she'd just let me back in... how much longer is it gonna be like this.
> 
> I don't mind if she's not up to a full-on conversation, but some kind of acknowledgement of me having said good morning can't be too hard surely?
> 
> I dunno... am I being unreasonable?



It's a tough situation to be in man, but from what I can tell you've done just about all you can and the rest is up to her. If you've been keeping up with my posts you already know I've been dealing with a similar situation (though complicated by certain things, some of which were my fault). I just decided to give her some space for a couple weeks and in the end she realized how much better having me around was versus not having me around. You've already told her that you're there for her if she needs it and I feel like if you keep trying to contact her you risk coming off as needy/desperate or just making her feel more under pressure than she already does. I know it's tough to hear, but just give her some time and space and if it's meant to happen she'll come around and if not then... that's just how it is sometimes.


----------



## bigboy

TheKindred said:


> Dude.
> 
> Secret of the universe: Less complaining, more action.



I looked before for housing help. It's a bad spot here,now my bro is going off cause we have little food. Were poor I am my mo. Is he lives rent free got paid today an tbh what action am I to take here? No family to crash at,no friends an I got 3.00 bucks tell next week. I'd love to follow the less complaing an more action moto . I'm really in a f-Ed up spot I kinda wanna walk out an be done. Ya know leave my guitar,any other things. That's not smart it's cold out an I'm sure to get in to legal issues or just get harassed by the law for being home less. Guys I had it all an this woman crushed me an tbh I moved on an got a place but the pain lead to bill issues etc. I had my mom in my ear oh come HOME lol. Home this not my home I have no room, no space to call my own. I have someone around me 24/7 an on top of it my mom is losing it she is up there in aga. I'm asked many times daily to do this task etc. I'm not unwilling to help her or even my scum bad bro I just feel like I wanna find a program to help an maybe get me housing other then a shelter in a bad area etc. I been on the streets I been In shelters before so I'm very strong with those kinda things. I just don't wanna be around a bunch of people
Who will bring me down (even more). I'm sorry guys im having a hard time an I'm sure u can see I'm at my boiling point. One act based on anger can be sooo bad . I could freak out with the best of the craziest people u can think of. I really might just call for help an get checked an be honest an say look I'm not safe nor is my temp housing. I'm not looking to get my mom or bro in legal trouble.


----------



## Alberto7

I don't know what to say, to be honest. I feel like I understand both sides, and it's hard for me to tell you to do anything with any certainty. I'm inclined to side with your argument, but only because I know you and your history (to the degree that our interaction on this forum allows, of course) more than I know hers. At the same time, if I were you I'd probably give it about a week or two (just to give a number) since the issue first began before I decided to take a more head-on approach, as painful as that week may be.

I'm exactly like you in that regard, btw. That kind of situation kills me inside every time, and really f*cks around with my insecurities. I just try to give it a sort of reasonable time frame (which I more or less set depending on how invested I am and how I read the situation and the other person's state of mind) before I do anything more drastic. That time frame tends to be very loose, and sometimes even just a dummy to give myself some peace of mind by making myself think that I have a plan. Sometimes structure is all I need.

If anything, I think you should try not to think about it too much. I know that's a borderline ridiculous thing to say, since it's so overused and so hard to do. But I think you should work towards that as a goal. For your own sake and mental well-being, try to care less about it. Again, incredibly easy to say and incredibly hard to pull off, but caring less about it would be a goal to work towards. How you get there is a very personal thing, and I'd feel like I'm butting in too much - or playing the role of a therapist, which I am not qualified as by any means - if I try to tell you what I think you should do, and may end up doing you more damage than good.

... I feel like that kind of advice is way abstract and is something to be worked on in the long term rather than an immediate action, which is what your current mindset demands.

idk man, it's kinda sh*tty seeing you worrying so much. I'm really just writing all this to try and show some support, even if I have no concrete advice that I can give you. Also, I don't think you're being unreasonable; I think you're a sensitive guy, and you're going through this like a champ so far. The fact that it hurts and that you wish things were different doesn't mean you're unreasonable, it just means that you care enough to worry. I'm absolutely NOT telling you to go ahead and send a barrage of messages or texts,  just saying that you shouldn't feel bad about feeling the way you do. I think it's completely normal.


----------



## leandroab

You'll figure it out sometime. Don't worry. Stay sh0no my friends.


----------



## Hollowway

Yeah, it's very possible that you would do well on SSRI type antidepression/antianxiety meds. Talk with your doctor and see what you can do in terms of therapy, meds, etc. That feeling where you know something is wrong, but have trouble fixing it, is usually an indication you need help with the solution. I think a LOT of us have been there. And yeah, you may think you're "too nice," and many girls won't appreciate it, but you're in your 20s (I'm guessing). Girls want tough guys who are assholes at that age. When you hit your thirties girls will be fawning over the guys who treat them well and with respect. It sucks for now, but teens and 20s are a fraction of your whole life, so you'll be much better off being nice and genuine.
However, there is a difference between being kind, generous, nice, and being a doormat. You need to get to a place where you respect yourself first, and then you will be able to have confidence and be caring. Everyone loves those character traits when they're combined. Employers, girls, mothers-in-law, etc.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Thanks guys.

I really hope this doesn't end up damaging what we have so far, seemed like everything was going so well up until this point. We were talking a lot every day, even when she was busy at work (I guess not as busy as she was this week, when she was also dealing with her bad news), we managed to see each other reasonably often, we got on well and seemed to have a bit in common, the sex was really good for both of us, and it seemed like she was actually into me. This is the first time we've encountered any real problem, but still I really hope this situation isn't going to spiral into our relationship collapsing.

I have no idea whether I sound stupid and paranoid (in which case guilty as charged) or if this is something I should be thinking about.

Overthinking is a bitch.


----------



## Maybrick

BucketheadRules said:


> Overthinking is a bitch.



This, this so much.

I'm 27 and I overthink too much in all relationships. I've spent years and years trying to overcome it but I can never seem to. It's so easy for me if my best friend has problems with his gf to tell him "Wow, how are you worrying about this so much, it's clearly not as bad as you make out it to be" but when the shoe is on the other foot I .... myself.

I'm currently messaging this girl I went on a date with and she's by far the hottest girl I've ever gone on a date with. She likes me back and wants to meet up again but I can't help but think I'm clearly missing something, for such a hot girl like that to be into me haha. I'm trying so hard to not overthink this but it really sucks.


----------



## flint757

We often put ourselves down and others on pedestals. She's into you. Nothing much more to look into until you actually start having real problems.


----------



## BucketheadRules

^ Not sure if directed at me or Maybrick 

Anyway, I had a long old think about this while I was driving home just now, and I think I can sum up my main concern now, which I hope people will be able to advise me about.

Basically, my main issue is not so much giving her the space to deal with her issues, but trusting her to come back afterwards so we can carry on. I've had one particular situation before where I was talking to a girl for ages and it seemed to be going fine, then out of the blue something happened which wasn't my fault and everything completely went out the window. She cut off contact, unexplained, and I was left totally confused and really upset, and I couldn't see that I'd done anything to warrant that kind of treatment. And she didn't really come back... well, we did restart contact about a month later, but it was never the same and while we're on good terms, we barely speak now.

Basically, that's what I'm scared is going to happen this time. She's basically stopped talking to me for the last few days, coming up to a week now. Unlike that other time, I actually know why this is, and I know it's nothing I did and there's nothing I can do to change it, but I'm just worried about whether or not I mean enough to her for it to continue afterwards.

I don't know if that sounds stupid or not, given that we are actually in a relationship (it's only been about a month though) and everything was pretty much peachy before this, whereas I wasn't in a relationship with the girl I mentioned above (I was trying to make that happen but it didn't), but that is the way my mind works. More paranoia and trust issues than you can shake a stick at.


----------



## Señor Voorhees

BucketheadRules said:


> ^ Not sure if directed at me or Maybrick
> 
> Anyway, I had a long old think about this while I was driving home just now, and I think I can sum up my main concern now, which I hope people will be able to advise me about.
> 
> Basically, my main issue is not so much giving her the space to deal with her issues, but trusting her to come back afterwards so we can carry on. I've had one particular situation before where I was talking to a girl for ages and it seemed to be going fine, then out of the blue something happened which wasn't my fault and everything completely went out the window. She cut off contact, unexplained, and I was left totally confused and really upset, and I couldn't see that I'd done anything to warrant that kind of treatment. And she didn't really come back... well, we did restart contact about a month later, but it was never the same and while we're on good terms, we barely speak now.
> 
> Basically, that's what I'm scared is going to happen this time. She's basically stopped talking to me for the last few days, coming up to a week now. I know why that is, and I know it's nothing I did and there's nothing I can do to change it, but I'm just worried about whether or not I mean enough to her for it to continue afterwards.
> 
> I don't know if that sounds stupid or not, given that we are actually in a relationship (it's only been about a month though) and everything was pretty much peachy before this, whereas I wasn't in a relationship with the girl I mentioned above (I was trying to make that happen but it didn't), but that is the way my mind works. More paranoia and trust issues than you can shake a stick at.




It's not stupid to be afraid or nervous. That doesn't change the fact that all you can do is wait.

Seriously, you either wait and she comes back, wait and she doesn't, or you keep trying to talk to her and irrigate her. This is one of those ....ty situations where in the short term, there is no happy options to you. You can decide it's too much and move on, or just be more patient. It's difficult, but it's the only safe option as far as I can tell.


----------



## Alberto7

Well, at least now you understand your feelings a heck of a lot better. I know that helps me. Ridding myself of shame, being honest with myself, and admitting my feelings to myself hard and cold. It provides with a better idea on how to act/react, and it lets you know when and why you're being irrational. That alone might be enough to put on the breaks on whatever downward spiral your thoughts may happen to slip on and soften the blow a little.

I could not agree more with the above statement by Mr. Señor.


----------



## ftr

after over a month without contact, i imagined i would be pretty much over her by now. i am a lot better throughout the day but at night when i am in bed she is all i think of. last night was the worst recently. i have been significantly more irate and i have been lashing out on small stuff that normally wouldn't trigger me, it's eating me up inside. i always hear ''you should learn to be happy by yourself and shouldn't depend on someone else for happiness''. to be honest as much as i loved being with her and how much better she made me feel, i still was depressed, she just lessened the severity i guess. i have been searching for another girl to date but i feel like i am doing it for mostly wrong reasons, i feel like i am just doing it so i can numb my loneliness and depression for a while. i am definitely going to try to start another relationship this year. but right now it doesn't seem like the right time i guess. i am pretty picky with girls, i know what i want when i see it, and that is not often. i am also in the phase of i am never going to find someone i like better. ehh, i just really needed to vent here.


----------



## BucketheadRules

ftr said:


> i am also in the phase of i am never going to find someone i like better



I've had that a few times... and I always find someone.

I sure hope I don't have to find anyone new for a while though.


----------



## Alberto7

ftr said:


> after over a month without contact, i imagined i would be pretty much over her by now. i am a lot better throughout the day but at night when i am in bed she is all i think of. last night was the worst recently. i have been significantly more irate and i have been lashing out on small stuff that normally wouldn't trigger me, it's eating me up inside. i always hear ''you should learn to be happy by yourself and shouldn't depend on someone else for happiness''. to be honest as much as i loved being with her and how much better she made me feel, i still was depressed, she just lessened the severity i guess. i have been searching for another girl to date but i feel like i am doing it for mostly wrong reasons, i feel like i am just doing it so i can numb my loneliness and depression for a while. i am definitely going to try to start another relationship this year. but right now it doesn't seem like the right time i guess. i am pretty picky girls, i know what i want when i see it, and that is not often. i am also in the phase of i am never going to find someone i like better. ehh, i just really needed to vent here.



A month of no contact, just like that... that's cold, man. I understand very well the phase you're going through. I won't lie, it'll last a while, but the effect will gradually decrease, and you'll learn to live with it. It's been almost 6 months since the last time I saw, or even spoke, with my old roommate, and I still have my moments where I feel the world crumble on me. However, I've come to understand that my feeling that way is just a product of my own insecurities and my own personal problems surfacing. She's just the trigger. When we let people get underneath our skin, it requires tremendous will power and effort to disassociate our feelings from them and whatever they represented for us. There ARE other people out there suited for you. That's just simple statistics. Just hang in there man. You've survived this far, and it'll get better.


----------



## Bodes

So after my ex having the dogs for a week due to family wedding and no overlap time to get the dogs back, she has shown me that she and her kids can actually look after the dogs and decided to let them keep them.

It hurts like fark and am not liking the idea from a pure selfish point of view. But I know I did the right thing for her kids and her. Maybe once I sort myself out, I'll get myself a new dog, but I don't want to get one straight away and think 'I got you out of pain'. Got to be able to treat it the way they need to.


----------



## BlackMastodon

ftr said:


> ''you should learn to be happy by yourself and shouldn't depend on someone else for happiness''.


This is huge, and something I'm trying really hard to work on. I feel like I put too much pressure on my girlfriend and even put her on a pedestal because of this. It's hard to see it any other way since I haven't had a job in a long time and am really hard on myself, but it isn't fair to either of us to force her into a position where she is sole thing that makes me happy. Learning to be happy with yourself and by yourself is a big stepping stone to having a better, more meaningful relationship with someone else.


----------



## BucketheadRules

I realised something else last night... she must be SO homesick. She's 19 years old and is over here on her own while her family is going through this trauma, thousands of miles away. She's Australian and most of her family are over there, then her immediate family are in the middle east. Apart from a couple of friends, she doesn't really have anyone over here which must make dealing with all this so much harder - and it's probably why she's shut herself off. I doubt she's wanted anything to do with anyone outside her family since the news came through.

So I've still not heard from her. Last night she did actually open the message I sent her on Friday night though... no idea if that means I'm getting a reply any time soon. I'm still sitting tight and not saying anything, just hoping she comes to me but scared she won't.

This is stupid - apart from the last week, we've been talking pretty regularly every day for the last six weeks. We've seen each other whenever we can, spent numerous nights together which were nothing but awesome, and I'm still worried that she's gonna just forget about me and drop me without explanation. I know that isn't how people usually work, but I can't stop myself thinking about it. I guess like I've said, I'm not used to leaving this amount of space and it really unsettles me. If I don't say anything, how long will it be before she starts the conversation... or will she start the conversation at all?

I'm leaving it at least another day or two before I say anything, if she doesn't say something beforehand. But when I do, what should I say?


----------



## Ibanezsam4

BucketheadRules said:


> I'm leaving it at least another day or two before I say anything, if she doesn't say something beforehand. But when I do, what should I say?



i'll chime in here. if she doesn't want to talk think about moving on man. 

i see where she's coming from, when my mom was dying i didn't have the emotional capacity for a relationship until several months later. i ended up breaking it off with my girlfriend of 2 years for many reasons, but the emotional stress was one of them (she didn't help the situation at all). 

its hard to go through something like that and value a 6 week relationship. 

i'll say the same thing i said to the other guy whose gf didn't talk to him for a month. going no contact like this is a bad sign. it means you are not a part of her emotional process. 

it sucks to say, but considering this was only a thing for a few weeks and she has no problem shutting you out during this time, kinda means this isn't a super solid relationship. 

if you were to get back together, this is a discussion you two need to have. you need to be important to each other and there for one another. 

if this were a more serious relationship her actions here completely put her in the wrong. no two ways about it. i know others have said this is acceptable but its not. its an immature way to deal with a problem, especially when someone else's feelings and emotions are on the line. 

but its six weeks old and she is 19.

cut your loses. if she comes back after this than she comes back after this. if not, move on.


----------



## Maybrick

BucketheadRules said:


> I'm leaving it at least another day or two before I say anything, if she doesn't say something beforehand. But when I do, what should I say?



I really think you should try and spend more time thinking about you. I know she's your gf, you love her and want whats best for her but the problem with focusing too much on her is that if the worst comes and she breaks up with you then you come out with a massive loss. I mean that more with regards to time which ultimately is the most precious thing in the world (deep huh?).

You clearly love her but it sounds like you've given her enough space now. She either wants you around or she doesn't. I don't think you should wait around for much longer because otherwise she'll just see you as the guy who is there when she can be bothered (I mean that in the nicest possible way, nothing against her). I'd personally message her saying that you understand how she is feeling but you feel like she's pushing you away further and further. Tell her that its not good for either of you and the relationship doesn't feel like a relationship anymore. Tell her you want to sit down face to face and talk about it but the most important thing in my opinion if you take this route I'd give her a date, don't just say "whens good for you" because she could just say "I'm busy at the moment" and then you're stuck with trying to convince her. Something like "I want to talk, lets meet at 7 on Thursday at yours". She'll either come back and say "Sure, sounds good" or whatever, or she'll say no. If she says No and doesn't provide you with an alternate date then she's really not taking this .... seriously.

I apologise for the wall of text


----------



## Chokey Chicken

BucketheadRules said:


> If I don't say anything, how long will it be before she starts the conversation... or will she start the conversation at all?



The thing is, you already have said something, and it's gotten you nowhere. I know it's easier said than done, but you need to just stop thinking about it. There's nothing you can do at this point except wait, or move on.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Jesus Christ this is difficult.

I kind of want to do what Maybrick just suggested but every fibre of my being is telling me it'd be a bad idea. The thing she's been doing at work that's been keeping her so busy is being put into action now, it started today so I figure I should at least give her another day or so to get her head around that, because it's yet more stress for her and I don't want to bug her while that's all going on because it'll just make her less likely to reply. I'm thinking tomorrow evening or Wednesday evening after she'll presumably be finished for the day.

I do want to sit down and talk about this with her, but I don't know how is best to go about it.

If she doesn't respond, I am going to say something eventually because I don't want to just let it go without at least trying to sort it out first.


----------



## Maybrick

BucketheadRules said:


> The thing she's been doing at work that's been keeping her so busy is being put into action now, it started today so I figure I should at least give her another day or so to get her head around that, because it's yet more stress for her and I don't want to bug her while that's all going on because it'll just make her less likely to reply. I'm thinking tomorrow evening or Wednesday evening after she'll presumably be finished for the day.
> 
> I do want to sit down and talk about this with her, but I don't know how is best to go about it.
> 
> If she doesn't respond, I am going to say something eventually because I don't want to just let it go without at least trying to sort it out first.



I genuinely mean this in the nicest possible way dude but you sound like you're just making excuses/putting it off.

Ive been in your situation a couple of times and I just kept putting the girl first. All that resulted in was getting the "Let just be friends" line. You know what happened then? It just made me feel worse and the girl didn't give two ....s. 

You're putting all your efforts into her and not into yourself buddy.


----------



## austink

Bodes said:


> So after my ex having the dogs for a week due to family wedding and no overlap time to get the dogs back, she has shown me that she and her kids can actually look after the dogs and decided to let them keep them.



Have you ever thought about joint ownership? This book has a ton of practical advice about how to make it work. It seems like you are semi amicable with your ex so it may be a viable solution. 

What about Wally? Co-Parenting a Pet with Your Ex. (Petloverzguides): Steve May, David Pisarra: 9780983163534: Amazon.com: Books

I proposed this to my ex, but she got nasty and sued me so I took that off the table and kept both.


----------



## Bodes

austink said:


> Have you ever thought about joint ownership? This book has a ton of practical advice about how to make it work. It seems like you are semi amicable with your ex so it may be a viable solution.
> 
> What about Wally? Co-Parenting a Pet with Your Ex. (Petloverzguides): Steve May, David Pisarra: 9780983163534: Amazon.com: Books
> 
> I proposed this to my ex, but she got nasty and sued me so I took that off the table and kept both.



Yeah have discussed it. But this requires a lot of coordination which can't really work without a lot of sacrifice. There is a lot of the story which I won't share here that helped make my mind up. Thanks for the thought austink


----------



## Ibanezsam4

BucketheadRules said:


> Jesus Christ this is difficult.
> 
> I kind of want to do what Maybrick just suggested but every fibre of my being is telling me it'd be a bad idea. The thing she's been doing at work that's been keeping her so busy is being put into action now, it started today so I figure I should at least give her another day or so to get her head around that, because it's yet more stress for her and I don't want to bug her while that's all going on because it'll just make her less likely to reply. I'm thinking tomorrow evening or Wednesday evening after she'll presumably be finished for the day.
> 
> I do want to sit down and talk about this with her, but I don't know how is best to go about it.
> 
> If she doesn't respond, I am going to say something eventually because I don't want to just let it go without at least trying to sort it out first.



dude, stop using her work as an excuse. I know people who work 80+ hours a week and can make time for other people. 

also her response to you when you wanted to park your car near her should raise 70 red flags. back off and do your own thing. 

its not easy, but doing the right thing is never easy and it will save you the agony of pushing this too far and poop hitting the fan.

time to fly solo and improve yourself.


----------



## NoodleFace

I didn't realize she was 19 and you are probably similarly aged - although my advice still stands, I would move on.

I know I'm 32 and some ancient man, but even if I was in some mood where I didn't want to talk to anyone I would at least message the person I'm seeing to say hello.


----------



## flint757

^^^^I agree. 

Relationships come with responsibilities. It certainly doesn't bode well in the long term because marriages and parenting, if those are on the table, can't function that way. You can't get stressed and then just check out completely and walk away when things become too hard to handle. That's also just a part of growing up though.


----------



## NicePants

Can we get a thread theme going?


----------



## Maybrick

I think this would be more fitting for me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neEXtRTPhZo


----------



## Ibanezsam4

flint757 said:


> Relationships come with responsibilities. It certainly doesn't bode well in the long term because marriages and parenting, if those are on the table, can't function that way. You can't get stressed and then just check out completely and walk away when things become too hard to handle. That's also just a part of growing up though.



All of this truth right here


----------



## scottro202

Here's one you guys may dig. Short and sweet. 

So there's this girl who's in my class. I think everything is going smoothly, we're going out Saturday night and it should be great. HOWEVER.... 

I think she's under the impression that I sleep around a lot, because I'm a musician and I talk about playing in bands and drinking beers and hanging in bars and all of that fun stuff. The honest to Vai truth is that the statement "Scottro sleeps around a lot" couldn't be further from the truth. And I don't want to give that kind of impression. At all. BUT at the same time I must remain sexy  

Any tips?


----------



## naw38

My gut reaction is that, just as if if the tables were reversed, the amount of sex you have shouldn't diminish your value as a human being in anybody's eyes. That kind of attitude's nasty. 

Beyond that... Make jokes about how you started playing guitar to get chicks and yet you've been on the same box of condoms for a year? Then start shredding?


----------



## Empryrean

scottro202 said:


> Here's one you guys may dig. Short and sweet.
> 
> So there's this girl who's in my class. I think everything is going smoothly, we're going out Saturday night and it should be great. HOWEVER....
> 
> I think she's under the impression that I sleep around a lot, because I'm a musician and I talk about playing in bands and drinking beers and hanging in bars and all of that fun stuff. The honest to Vai truth is that the statement "Scottro sleeps around a lot" couldn't be further from the truth. And I don't want to give that kind of impression. At all. BUT at the same time I must remain sexy
> 
> Any tips?


Show her your genitals, but have her sign a confidentiality agreement and tell her that you wont be offering any physical contact until marriage.



...or some equivelant 







im kidding, but honestly on a serious note, if she reads you wrong, you can only show her right if she gives you the chance. No harm letting her mind wander, but your actions will speak much more than your words do.


----------



## Maybrick

BucketheadRules said:


> Jesus Christ this is difficult.
> 
> I kind of want to do what Maybrick just suggested but every fibre of my being is telling me it'd be a bad idea. The thing she's been doing at work that's been keeping her so busy is being put into action now, it started today so I figure I should at least give her another day or so to get her head around that, because it's yet more stress for her and I don't want to bug her while that's all going on because it'll just make her less likely to reply. I'm thinking tomorrow evening or Wednesday evening after she'll presumably be finished for the day.
> 
> I do want to sit down and talk about this with her, but I don't know how is best to go about it.
> 
> If she doesn't respond, I am going to say something eventually because I don't want to just let it go without at least trying to sort it out first.



Whats the latest buddy?! Dont leave us hanging!


----------



## NoodleFace

scottro202 said:


> Here's one you guys may dig. Short and sweet.
> 
> So there's this girl who's in my class. I think everything is going smoothly, we're going out Saturday night and it should be great. HOWEVER....
> 
> I think she's under the impression that I sleep around a lot, because I'm a musician and I talk about playing in bands and drinking beers and hanging in bars and all of that fun stuff. The honest to Vai truth is that the statement "Scottro sleeps around a lot" couldn't be further from the truth. And I don't want to give that kind of impression. At all. BUT at the same time I must remain sexy
> 
> Any tips?



If she's going out with you she either doesn't really care or it made her interested. Don't feel pressured to slam her on the first date, unless you're into that.

I mean that's about it. Just have fun.


----------



## Maybrick

scottro202 said:


> Here's one you guys may dig. Short and sweet.
> 
> So there's this girl who's in my class. I think everything is going smoothly, we're going out Saturday night and it should be great. HOWEVER....
> 
> I think she's under the impression that I sleep around a lot, because I'm a musician and I talk about playing in bands and drinking beers and hanging in bars and all of that fun stuff. The honest to Vai truth is that the statement "Scottro sleeps around a lot" couldn't be further from the truth. And I don't want to give that kind of impression. At all. BUT at the same time I must remain sexy
> 
> Any tips?



So you're just guessing she has come to this conclusion right?

Personally, I wouldnt address it at all. If you even try to confirm you dont without her asking you, it'll just come across like you're hiding it/denying it.

Like the guy above said, if she likes you then she wouldnt have agreed to the date.


----------



## flint757

Likely she is just horrible at coping with life and can't handle a relationship at the moment. I don't mean that as a slam, but some people just really suck at multitasking and/or handling stress/depression. I know that because I'm one of them and it's a large part of why I stopped dating a couple years ago. I couldn't juggle dating, work, and school so something always suffered. Since I can do without a relationship I just decided to let that fall to the wayside. If I were to hazard a guess, she isn't saying it's over because she can't handle a relationship right now, but is still vested in one way or another. I had a friend who did something similar to me once. She was very noncommittal because she didn't want to lose me, but she didn't completely want to be involved either for one reason or another.

Probably not really all that helpful, but usually people don't commit to breaking up when they themselves aren't 100% for the idea or they don't want to lose the other person from their life.


----------



## BucketheadRules

flint757 said:


> Likely she is just horrible at coping with life and can't handle a relationship at the moment. I don't mean that as a slam, but some people just really suck at multitasking and/or handling stress/depression. I know that because I'm one of them and it's a large part of why I stopped dating a couple years ago. I couldn't juggle dating, work, and school so something always suffered. Since I can do without a relationship I just decided to let that fall to the wayside. If I were to hazard a guess, she isn't saying it's over because she can't handle a relationship right now, but is still vested in one way or another. I had a friend who did something similar to me once. She was very noncommittal because she didn't want to lose me, but she didn't completely want to be involved either for one reason or another.
> 
> Probably not really all that helpful, but usually people don't commit to breaking up when they themselves aren't 100% for the idea or they don't want to lose the other person from their life.



What are you saying that could mean? I get that if she comes back I have the power to say no if I want to, but does that mean she might not want to lose me after all? I kind of assumed she was just being a dick and had committed to breaking up with me without telling me, but this kind of makes sense too - and would obviously be nicer for me to deal with. Maybe she doesn't want to end it...

Goddammit why am I getting my hopes back up again.


----------



## flint757

BucketheadRules said:


> What are you saying that could mean? I get that if she comes back I have the power to say no if I want to, but does that mean she might not want to lose me after all? I kind of assumed she was just being a dick and had committed to breaking up with me without telling me, but this kind of makes sense too - and would obviously be nicer for me to deal with. Maybe she doesn't want to end it...
> 
> Goddammit why am I getting my hopes back up again.



I honestly haven't a clue. It's either that a relationship is something she can't handle at the moment and she wants to break up, but hasn't stepped up to the plate to just say as much or she's 'passively' breaking up with you by not really 'being' in a relationship at the moment at all and is holding off on saying so because she doesn't necessarily want to end the relationship in the long run. Or she actually thinks doing what she's doing while in a relationship is simply okay, but that throws up some red flags IMO.

All you can really do is play the waiting game at this point. If you want to be proactive you could say that you need space just as she does and that if or when she thinks she's ready to be in a relationship again to let you know, and you can see if you can pick things back up at a later date.

Honestly, even for someone trying to deal with stress, the amount of time she's brushing you off is harsh and inexcusable [IMO]. She could easily make an effort here and there without going back into full relationship mode if she was genuinely interested, but busy. Granted, that doesn't mean she isn't. Like I said previously, it's entirely possible she just handles such things quite brash and immaturely when stressed out. At this point though it is all on her, so if it really bothers you it might be time to either walk away or, like I wrote above, just tell her you want to break up for now and if she gets it back together, and you both are still interested in seeing where this goes, to give you a call.


----------



## Maybrick

BucketheadRules said:


> but I'm finally going to assume it's over. If she comes back, she comes back (and I'm gonna have some thinking to do)



Dont assume its over - decide that it is. You're not getting the attention from the relationship that you deserve. How long can you/she expect you to just hang around for like a jacket on a coat hook?

Also, lets say she messages you tomorrow and things start to get better, how do you know this wont happen again?

You're not being treated how you should be. Break it off and move on, it wont feel great initially but it'll save you more pain in the long run - especially when you find someone else who treats you better and treats you like a proper boyfriend.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Maybrick said:


> Dont assume its over - decide that it is. You're not getting the attention from the relationship that you deserve. How long can you/she expect you to just hang around for like a jacket on a coat hook?
> 
> Also, lets say she messages you tomorrow and things start to get better, how do you know this wont happen again?
> 
> You're not being treated how you should be. Break it off and move on, it wont feel great initially but it'll save you more pain in the long run - especially when you find someone else who treats you better and treats you like a proper boyfriend.



Please listen to this ^^^. It's what I said before and I firmly believe [after so many years of these kinds of situations] that you have GOT to demand better for yourself. It's so hard and I'm truly so very sorry. I wanted things to not go this way for you b/c... well... b/c it' just sucks so bad to feel so strongly and then have it all unravel. I'm really sorry, man. I didn't want to be correct when I appeared pessimistic a while back. I even stayed out of this thread b/c I didn't want to see it go down like this. 

Anyway... You have my support obviously... as well as the support of some other very intuitive people here. Again... You deserve courtesy and respect. And it's going to feel so good when that happens with someone but start the healing process now. Don't allow her to take anything more away from you. No matter how much things hurt right now... she is not worth it, brother.


----------



## NoodleFace

At this point I would probably assume the relationship is over if I were in your shoes. Sorry to sound callous, but she's making you have so much turmoil and hanging on the thought of her responding to a simple message.

She's being rude and inconsiderate, regardless of what she's going through. My initial thought is she wants to break up but doesn't want to have the confrontation.

Find someone who wants to spend time with you man. Life is way too short to waste time on people like this!


----------



## NicePants

BucketheadRules said:


> Well I messaged her on Saturday. Nothing... she still hasn't opened it.
> 
> It hurts like f*ck, but I'm finally going to assume it's over. If she comes back, she comes back (and I'm gonna have some thinking to do).
> 
> How the f*ck can this happen? It was all great before this. Before everything kicked off, there was no indication it was going to end. She told me herself, this was a thing. She initiated the hand-holding, the kissing, the sex, everything. She obviously liked me... did she just get bored, or is there more to it? I have no idea. Surely if she was going to end it, she could tell me. I'm sure she's feeling like it's over, but shying away from telling me is just cowardly.



That's rough man. I've been on the receiving end of radio silence endings to relationships more than once, and one time from someone who I thought I could spend the rest of my life with. I just want to echo what everyone else said. Don't beat yourself up about it. You did what you could and she was the one to reject that. Take some time for yourself and do things you enjoy. Try and get your mind off of it, because thinking about it and analyzing it over and over is only going to make it hurt worse.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

NoodleFace said:


> She's being rude and inconsiderate, regardless of what she's going through. My initial thought is she wants to break up but doesn't want to have the confrontation.
> 
> _*Find someone who wants to spend time with you man. Life is way too short to waste time on people like this*_!



This is the bright side to the story Bucket, even if you haven't realized it yet. 

This sucks a lot, but you sound like an awesome dude. and even tho we've never met i bet your a great person in a relationship. 

if i can grasp this through an avatar over the internet some lady will see it too and she will count her lucky stars she finds you. 

it takes time and you going out and doing things you love and enjoying life. be social, be fun, and you'll start popping up on radar screens


----------



## BucketheadRules

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate it.

I can't stop thinking about her though. This is horrible.


----------



## Maybrick

BucketheadRules said:


> Thanks everyone. I really appreciate it.
> 
> I can't stop thinking about her though. This is horrible.



Chin up matey. Put some time in for yourself and just do what you love.

Easy for me to say when I'm not the one feeling like you do but I've been there too many times before.

If you're in the Cambridge area anytime then we'll go for a beer or ten.


----------



## cult

BucketheadRules said:


> Thanks everyone. I really appreciate it.
> 
> I can't stop thinking about her though. This is horrible.



What other things get your mind racing?
Get distracted. Enjoy yourself.

Of course it's harsh to say, but the way she's treating you is anything but fair.

Chin up, there's plenty of fish in the sea, this one wasn't meant for you it seems.


----------



## NoodleFace

Maybrick said:


> Chin up matey. Put some time in for yourself and just do what you love.
> 
> Easy for me to say when I'm not the one feeling like you do but I've been there too many times before.
> 
> If you're in the Cambridge area anytime then we'll go for a beer or ten.



Huh, I know you were talking to the other guy but coincidentally I work in Cambridge


----------



## BucketheadRules

NoodleFace said:


> Huh, I know you were talking to the other guy but coincidentally I work in Cambridge



Looking at your location... you talking about Cambridge, Massachusetts? 

I believe Maybrick refers to Cambridge, Cambridgeshire, UK 

We have an entire county called Somerset over here too.


----------



## MFB

BucketheadRules said:


> We have an entire county called Somerset over here too.



That's what happens when us Yanks decide to make a NEW England and just rip off half your names for cities


----------



## NoodleFace

oh whoops!


----------



## broj15

Posting this in hopes of bringing the mood in this thread up a bit. Things are going great with me and my girl. Between me working 70 hours last week, and her getting off around midnight every night we haven't gotten to see each other much lately, but we're both taking every opportunity we can to see each other. Sunday is a much deserved day off for both of us and we have plans to go to the zoo (she likes to pet the stingrays) and then go to a show afterwords, and I'm taking a mini vacation the weekend after so she traded shifts with some people so we could got to another show and spend some quality time together. I woke up next to her this morning and realized I felt truly content for the first time in a long time.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

broj15 said:


> Posting this in hopes of bringing the mood in this thread up a bit. Things are going great with me and my girl. Between me working 70 hours last week, and her getting off around midnight every night we haven't gotten to see each other much lately, but we're both taking every opportunity we can to see each other. Sunday is a much deserved day off for both of us and we have plans to go to the zoo (she likes to pet the stingrays) and then go to a show afterwords, and I'm taking a mini vacation the weekend after so she traded shifts with some people so we could got to another show and spend some quality time together. I woke up next to her this morning and realized I felt truly content for the first time in a long time.



I would have just "liked" this but it deserves an "Awesome!" imo.


----------



## BucketheadRules

broj15 said:


> Posting this in hopes of bringing the mood in this thread up a bit. Things are going great with me and my girl. Between me working 70 hours last week, and her getting off around midnight every night we haven't gotten to see each other much lately, but we're both taking every opportunity we can to see each other. Sunday is a much deserved day off for both of us and we have plans to go to the zoo (she likes to pet the stingrays) and then go to a show afterwords, and I'm taking a mini vacation the weekend after so she traded shifts with some people so we could got to another show and spend some quality time together. I woke up next to her this morning and realized I felt truly content for the first time in a long time.



Weird mix of emotions over here - I'm really happy to hear this and I hope you both have a great time. It's so cool to be able to make time for each other no matter how busy you are. Sadly, that same idea resonates in an unpleasant way for me due to recent events 

Meh, I dunno. I've felt better today than the last few days, I suppose because I've realised that I'm better off without someone who treats me like this. Another part of me still really misses her though.

Ah f*ck, I've brought the mood crashing back down again haha

Still, anyway - glad to hear it dude. Genuinely.


----------



## broj15

^^^ Sorry if It my post bummed you out man. Totally not my intention. If you take anything from it, it should be that if it can happen for me (a really fvcked up person) then it can happen for anyone, especially you (a really cool guy, as far as I'm concerned), and as cliche as it is there's plenty of fish in the sea. It sounds to me like this girl honestly doesn't know how a healthy relationship is supposed to work (as in accepting support from your partner in times of need) and it will probably take some time for her to learn that. If you've read my posts in this thread you'll know that me and this girl have been trying to make this happen since last May and are both just now at the point where we can be in a healthy relationship.

It sounds to me like you just need to do you for a while, and not allow yourself to get down about it. If she's not hitting you up just say "fvck it. I'm gonna go out and have fun anyways. It's her loss." Hit up your friends, go to a show, hit the bars and have a night on the town, or just take out your frustrations on your guitar. Just get out there and do your thing and you'll eventually meet someone who you click with.


----------



## BucketheadRules

broj15 said:


> ^^^ Sorry if It my post bummed you out man. Totally not my intention. If you take anything from it, it should be that if it can happen for me (a really fvcked up person) then it can happen for anyone, especially you (a really cool guy, as far as I'm concerned), and as cliche as it is there's plenty of fish in the sea. It sounds to me like this girl honestly doesn't know how a healthy relationship is supposed to work (as in accepting support from your partner in times of need) and it will probably take some time for her to learn that. If you've read my posts in this thread you'll know that me and this girl have been trying to make this happen since last May and are both just now at the point where we can be in a healthy relationship.
> 
> It sounds to me like you just need to do you for a while, and not allow yourself to get down about it. If she's not hitting you up just say "fvck it. I'm gonna go out and have fun anyways. It's her loss." Hit up your friends, go to a show, hit the bars and have a night on the town, or just take out your frustrations on your guitar. Just get out there and do your thing and you'll eventually meet someone who you click with.


----------



## ftr

i was thinking about this earlier and wanted to ask if this happens to you guys. i noticed with some of my past relationships, i got the girl by acting like i didn't care or wasn't interested in them. i think this started with this one relationship with this girl who was obsessed with me to the creepy level and when i dropped the idgaf attitude apparently i was too clingy, which i disagree with. i also remember the pretty much exact thing happened to another girl too pretty much right after. i have had more similar experiences and i didn't even think i was overdoing doing it. after that i just decided to act like i am not interested no matter how interested they are in me. i did that with the last couple relationships. i just kept cool and acted like i didn't care and would go hours without replying to their texts and i am pretty sure that is how i got those girls so interested in me. during my last relationship i watched this very closely. for example, i noticed the more i acted like i didn't care if she came over or not the more she wanted to. its like she couldn't stop coming over. but i felt if i asked her to come over she would start to lose interest. not sure if that would be the case but just things like that.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

ftr said:


> i was thinking about this earlier and wanted to ask if this happens to you guys. i noticed with some of my past relationships, i got the girl by acting like i didn't care or wasn't interested in them. i think this started with this one relationship with this girl who was obsessed with me to the creepy level and when i dropped the idgaf attitude apparently i was too clingy, which i disagree with. i also remember the pretty much exact thing happened to another girl too pretty much right after. i have had more similar experiences and i didn't even think i was overdoing doing it. after that i just decided to act like i am not interested no matter how interested they are in me. i did that with the last couple relationships. i just kept cool and acted like i didn't care and would go hours without replying to their texts and i am pretty sure that is how i got those girls so interested in me. during my last relationship i watched this very closely. for example, i noticed the more i acted like i didn't care if she came over or not the more she wanted to. its like she couldn't stop coming over. but i felt if i asked her to come over she would start to lose interest. not sure if that would be the case but just things like that.



Anyone you attract by being distant and uncaring isn't worth attracting. It's not some magic thing you found out where you attract women if you don't care. Anyone who is attracted to that sort of behavior, and put off when you show interest, isn't worth the time you will undoubtedly waste on them.


----------



## flint757

If you're in primary school that isn't all that surprising as dating is equally about image as it is about the relationship itself. People in that age bracket think lack of interest means that if they get your attention at all then they are special in someway. I've seen it with my relatives who are still in school and while I was in school as well. 

I don't think it's particularly healthy and I don't think genuine potentially long lasting relationships come from that environment, but that's entirely dependent on why you are in a relationship to begin with. If it's just for the image, attention, and intimacy I imagine that isn't an issue and you can just go on doing what you're doing. If you want something more out of your relationships you might want to reevaluate how you go about dating and who you are choosing to date.


----------



## vividox

Yeah, that's a perfect description of the people I absolutely hated to date.


----------



## NicePants

ftr said:


> i was thinking about this earlier and wanted to ask if this happens to you guys. i noticed with some of my past relationships, i got the girl by acting like i didn't care or wasn't interested in them. i think this started with this one relationship with this girl who was obsessed with me to the creepy level and when i dropped the idgaf attitude apparently i was too clingy, which i disagree with. i also remember the pretty much exact thing happened to another girl too pretty much right after. i have had more similar experiences and i didn't even think i was overdoing doing it. after that i just decided to act like i am not interested no matter how interested they are in me. i did that with the last couple relationships. i just kept cool and acted like i didn't care and would go hours without replying to their texts and i am pretty sure that is how i got those girls so interested in me. during my last relationship i watched this very closely. for example, i noticed the more i acted like i didn't care if she came over or not the more she wanted to. its like she couldn't stop coming over. but i felt if i asked her to come over she would start to lose interest. not sure if that would be the case but just things like that.



That sounds like every relationship I had until I was like 20. After a certain age, I think people mature to the point that they realize that being with someone means showing interest, and that showing interest isn't "clingy" (up to a certain point, anyway). Well, I'd hope most people realize that, anyway.


----------



## cwhitey2

I'm in love with a stripper


----------



## Alberto7

cwhitey2 said:


> I'm in love with a stripper



Well, at least you'll have material for an entertaining sitcom, or some kind of rom com at some point. 

Joking aside though... do you only see her during 'business hours'? I think it'd be _very_ hard to tell whether she's into you or not if that's the case.  Unless she's a friend of yours and you see her outside of work. If she's happy doing what she does and it's just a job, then you should be alright.


----------



## cwhitey2

Alberto7 said:


> Well, at least you'll have material for an entertaining sitcom, or some kind of rom com at some point.
> 
> Joking aside though... do you only see her during 'business hours'? I think it'd be _very_ hard to tell whether she's into you or not if that's the case.  Unless she's a friend of yours and you see her outside of work. If she's happy doing what she does and it's just a job, then you should be alright.





I just met her, had a date which I couldn't make (and told her I would potentially not make it), I have her actual number (one of them at least  ). I wasn't even sure she was a stripper at first hahaha And I'm not really sure if she really see's it as just a job.


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## Five Ten

Believe it or not, strippers can form real loving relationships! Whoever they get with though really needs to be okay with it. There's no room for jealousy there. Same with porn stars. I never would myself because I am the ultra jealous type, but it's not unheard of. Once upon a time a girl who was a stripper had a thing for me. It was flattering because she was very attractive, but it just wasn't my bag.


----------



## cwhitey2

Five Ten said:


> Believe it or not, strippers can form real loving relationships! Whoever they get with though really needs to be okay with it. There's no room for jealousy there. Same with porn stars. I never would myself because I am the ultra jealous type, but it's not unheard of. Once upon a time a girl who was a stripper had a thing for me. It was flattering because she was very attractive, but it just wasn't my bag.




I'm fine with her being a stripper, gotta make that money. And I'm not the jealous type at all so I would be ok with her making at least 1k a night.


But on the other hand, one of my older friends said F that because there is no way i could actually afford her as a GF.


----------



## vividox

I keep trying to convince my wife to become a webcam model. Those girls make a killing and they don't even have to leave the house or be near the dudes. She's a prude though. (This post is about 50% serious and 50% joking).


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## Alberto7

cwhitey2 said:


> I wasn't even sure she was a stripper at first hahaha And I'm not really sure if she really see's it as just a job.



The reason I ask is because if it isn't just a job, it _may_ be indicative of polyamory, which is absolutely fine, but you have to know what you're getting into. Someone who isn't comfortable with the idea of polyamory will go through absolute hell if they fall for the wrong person, unless they learn to adapt quickly enough.


----------



## Maybrick

Five Ten said:


> Believe it or not, strippers can form real loving relationships!



I learnt this from Sons of Anarchy


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## cwhitey2

Alberto7 said:


> The reason I ask is because if it isn't just a job, it _may_ be indicative of polyamory, which is absolutely fine, but you have to know what you're getting into. Someone who isn't comfortable with the idea of polyamory will go through absolute hell if they fall for the wrong person, unless they learn to adapt quickly enough.



Very good point. I'm not sure how would feel honestly because I have never been in that kind of relationship.


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## naw38

My wife used to be a stripper. Stupidly good money, wish we didn't drink it all away. 


We're polyamorous(although we weren't back then) and I highly recommend it as a relationship type. You throw away a whole bunch of traditional monogamous problems, but you get some weird ones in exchange; we no longer have "Oh, you banged that girl, we are so over now!" What we do have is "I know you're excited about this new relationship, but I'm still here, remember?" It's a bit tricky sometimes.


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## Alberto7

cwhitey2 said:


> Very good point. I'm not sure how would feel honestly because I have never been in that kind of relationship.





naw38 said:


> My wife used to be a stripper. Stupidly good money, wish we didn't drink it all away.
> 
> 
> We're polyamorous(although we weren't back then) and I highly recommend it as a relationship type. You throw away a whole bunch of traditional monogamous problems, but you get some weird ones in exchange; we no longer have "Oh, you banged that girl, we are so over now!" What we do have is "I know you're excited about this new relationship, but I'm still here, remember?" It's a bit tricky sometimes.



Last girl I was with was poly, and she made that very clear from the beginning. I'm not opposed to the idea, so I decided to give it a shot. The thought of her banging someone else didn't bother me, and openly talking about it with her made it a lot easier. As long as it's talked about, made clear, and agreed upon beforehand, I'm fine with it. However, the thought of being emotionally left out or cast aside for someone else always made me super uncomfortable. I get jealous when I perceive someone else getting more attention than I do, ESPECIALLY if it's someone I am close and/or intimate with. Like, the whole point of being in a relationship to me is getting special treatment (and I'm not necessarily talking sexually here), and being able and allowed to reciprocate it. In retrospect, I'm kinda glad it was over pretty quickly between us anyway, before I had a chance to face that situation.


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## naw38

^ That right there. So much.

I've never considered myself a jealous person, at all. Don't care who my wife bangs or dates or flirts with or whatever. 
So when she started texting my/our girlfriend when my girlfriend wasn't texting me... I was very surprised by how uncomfortable I felt. Which is immensely stupid, but whatever, right? 
And now that she's away, she's messaging other people much more than she is me and I'm all in turmoil but then she calls and I realise I'm an idiot.


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## cwhitey2

Alberto7 said:


> Last girl I was with was poly, and she made that very clear from the beginning. I'm not opposed to the idea, so I decided to give it a shot. The thought of her banging someone else didn't bother me, and openly talking about it with her made it a lot easier. As long as it's talked about, made clear, and agreed upon beforehand, I'm fine with it. However, the thought of being emotionally left out or cast aside for someone else always made me super uncomfortable. I get jealous when I perceive someone else getting more attention than I do, ESPECIALLY if it's someone I am close and/or intimate with. Like, the whole point of being in a relationship to me is getting special treatment (and I'm not necessarily talking sexually here), and being able and allowed to reciprocate it. In retrospect, I'm kinda glad it was over pretty quickly between us anyway, before I had a chance to face that situation.



You bring up a very good point with he attention/being cast aside. I can deal with he sex with other people, but emotionally I'm not sure how I would feel about my gf actually 'loving' another person.


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## Chokey Chicken

I've been in a poly relationship. Was total smooth sailing for me. We ended it mutually when we decided to have monogamous relationships. I'm married now, and she's doing her own things. We're still super close friends. Hell, we're in a band together, slong with my wife. (Who is aware of our past.)


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## Gravy Train

Breaking up with my girlfriend tonight. She did nothing wrong and is a good person, but I just don't feel the same anymore. 

Wish me luck


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## High Plains Drifter

Gravy Train said:


> Breaking up with my girlfriend tonight. She did nothing wrong and is a good person, but I just don't feel the same anymore.
> 
> Wish me luck



Hope all goes as well as can be expected. Shows integrity to make that decision. Way too many people stay together in stagnant, toxic, or failed relationships just because they can't be honest with themselves nor see beyond their own needs. Best of luck.


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## Maybrick

Gravy Train said:


> Breaking up with my girlfriend tonight. She did nothing wrong and is a good person, but I just don't feel the same anymore.
> 
> Wish me luck



Good luck man. If you believe it's the right thing to do then go for it.


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## NicePants

Gravy Train said:


> Breaking up with my girlfriend tonight. She did nothing wrong and is a good person, but I just don't feel the same anymore.
> 
> Wish me luck



Much better to end it than to stay in a relationship over which you feel nothing. At least you have the balls to tell her the truth.


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## cwhitey2

Chokey Chicken said:


> I've been in a poly relationship. Was total smooth sailing for me. We ended it mutually when we decided to have monogamous relationships. I'm married now, and she's doing her own things. We're still super close friends. Hell, we're in a band together, slong with my wife. (Who is aware of our past.)



Damn. That's interesting.


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## youngthrasher9

My Dr. thought it was a good time to tell me that I need a girlfriend the other day.


For no medical reason, too.


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## Gravy Train

The breakup went very well, it was actually mutual believe it or not. We both handled it well and went our separate ways. No bad blood or hard feelings. 

I am very happy with how it turned out and wish it was always this easy!

Thank you everyone for the kind words


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## BucketheadRules

Ah man, I've been a lot better the last few days but I had a few drinks last night with some friends, then on my way home once I was alone it hit me again, I started feeling a bit sorry for myself and the funk is still kind of hanging over my head. I miss her.

(I didn't drunk text her, don't worry. I have self-respect)


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## NicePants

BucketheadRules said:


> Ah man, I've been a lot better the last few days but I had a few drinks last night with some friends, then on my way home once I was alone it hit me again, I started feeling a bit sorry for myself and the funk is still kind of hanging over my head. I miss her.
> 
> (I didn't drunk text her, don't worry. I have self-respect)



It gets better dude. And good on you for not drunk texting. I've got such damn embarrassing memories about those.


----------



## Bodes

So for a few weeks now I've been volunteering for the AFL team I follow (go the mighty Melbourne Demons), making the run through banners, going onto the field and holding up the banners on game days.

I am meeting some really great people. I have been accepted due to my hard work and personality to the point where today they gave me a free club jacket for the cheers squad, very few people get these (less than 50 out of the 35000 members) and considering I've only volunteered for about a month now. Makes me feel pretty good.

The strange thing is that I am still only becoming friendly with middle age women (all are married and no, I've been there before). I mean seriously, is my personality that odd that people my age are weirded out by me? Or am I too mature for my age? I'm 30 btw.

I dunno, but it is good catching up with the core group for a drink or two before/during/after games as well as the banner making nights.

Positives for new friends, negatives in the fact that I seem to not be able to make friends with similar aged people. But more positives than negatives.


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## russmuller

It's becoming abundantly clear to me that I should break up with my girlfriend. She's a wonderful person, but she's young and still hasn't figured herself out yet. She's very self aware, but she lacks a lot of emotional maturity and I just don't have the energy for that in my 30's. I am coming to terms with the idea that perhaps I'm simply happiest alone, and that that's okay.

She HATES living in Arizona and she's dead set on moving to the pacific northwest. While I think it's pretty and a pleasant idea to move there, I'm not inclined to relocate my life away from my job, friends, and family.

The other night she confided in me that she really regrets not moving away at every opportunity over the past 4 years, even in the few months that she was single before we met. My gut is telling me that she's not going to blossom and realize herself until she actually takes that leap.

We've been dating less than a year, but she's very attached to me and I know that I'm the only thing stopping her from moving now. I do love her, but I don't feel like this is something that's going to last forever, and I don't want to be another entry on the list of excuses and regrets for why she didn't do what made her happy.

Bleh.


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## BucketheadRules

Been back on Tinder here and there, more as a means of distracting myself than anything else. But then, stupidly, I clicked on the message exchange between me and my I-guess-now-ex after we'd just matched. Then I see that she's updated her profile, so she's back on there.

There I was holding out the tiniest hope that she might come back, I guess I should just dispense with that now. She really is gone. She really did just f*ck off and leave without saying so much as a word to me about it, and she really is now looking for someone else. I wonder if she's thought for a second over the last few weeks how this might have made me feel. I imagine not.


----------



## flint757

BucketheadRules said:


> Been back on Tinder here and there, more as a means of distracting myself than anything else. But then, stupidly, I clicked on the message exchange between me and my I-guess-now-ex after we'd just matched. Then I see that she's updated her profile, so she's back on there.
> 
> There I was holding out the tiniest hope that she might come back, I guess I should just dispense with that now. She really is gone. She really did just f*ck off and leave without saying so much as a word to me about it, and she really is now looking for someone else. I wonder if she's thought for a second over the last few weeks how this might have made me feel. I imagine not.



The positive takeaway from this is she's obviously not the right person for you and now you know. For her to ignore you and quietly reenter the dating world without even trying to breakup in an official capacity first is just plain ....ty. IMO you dodged a bullet since you haven't thrown away a great deal of time on her yet.


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## Chokey Chicken

Pretty ....ty. Though at least now you know without question what's up. 

I feel for you, man.


----------



## Maybrick

Bodes said:


> So for a few weeks now I've been volunteering for the AFL team I follow (go the mighty Melbourne Demons), making the run through banners, going onto the field and holding up the banners on game days.
> 
> I am meeting some really great people. I have been accepted due to my hard work and personality to the point where today they gave me a free club jacket for the cheers squad, very few people get these (less than 50 out of the 35000 members) and considering I've only volunteered for about a month now. Makes me feel pretty good.
> 
> The strange thing is that I am still only becoming friendly with middle age women (all are married and no, I've been there before). I mean seriously, is my personality that odd that people my age are weirded out by me? Or am I too mature for my age? I'm 30 btw.
> 
> I dunno, but it is good catching up with the core group for a drink or two before/during/after games as well as the banner making nights.
> 
> Positives for new friends, negatives in the fact that I seem to not be able to make friends with similar aged people. But more positives than negatives.



That sounds great, getting out and involved in local events and communities is an amazing way to (obviously) meet new people but you'll also have some good opportunities to meet women. I wouldnt let the middle aged married women thing phase you. They probably just like someone to talk to. Float around the idea that you're single - maybe they have some single friends? Patience is key!





russmuller said:


> It's becoming abundantly clear to me that I should break up with my girlfriend. She's a wonderful person, but she's young and still hasn't figured herself out yet. She's very self aware, but she lacks a lot of emotional maturity and I just don't have the energy for that in my 30's. I am coming to terms with the idea that perhaps I'm simply happiest alone, and that that's okay.
> 
> She HATES living in Arizona and she's dead set on moving to the pacific northwest. While I think it's pretty and a pleasant idea to move there, I'm not inclined to relocate my life away from my job, friends, and family.
> 
> The other night she confided in me that she really regrets not moving away at every opportunity over the past 4 years, even in the few months that she was single before we met. My gut is telling me that she's not going to blossom and realize herself until she actually takes that leap.
> 
> We've been dating less than a year, but she's very attached to me and I know that I'm the only thing stopping her from moving now. I do love her, but I don't feel like this is something that's going to last forever, and I don't want to be another entry on the list of excuses and regrets for why she didn't do what made her happy.
> 
> Bleh.



Last thing either of you want it to be limited because of each other and not doing what you want. Have you spoken to her about the 'living in Arizona'? It sounds like you're thinking about it maturely at least. It does all boil down to you being happy though buddy. If you have these concerns which you think wont change then maybe at least sit down with her and discuss it? 




BucketheadRules said:


> Been back on Tinder here and there, more as a means of distracting myself than anything else. But then, stupidly, I clicked on the message exchange between me and my I-guess-now-ex after we'd just matched. Then I see that she's updated her profile, so she's back on there.
> 
> There I was holding out the tiniest hope that she might come back, I guess I should just dispense with that now. She really is gone. She really did just f*ck off and leave without saying so much as a word to me about it, and she really is now looking for someone else. I wonder if she's thought for a second over the last few weeks how this might have made me feel. I imagine not.



Dont beat yourself up about it man. She isn't worth it if she hasn't got the decency to say anything to you about it ending.

Take some time out for yourself, get happy with who you are, spend time with family and friends and socialize. Then when you're ready just jump back in and start dating again. I was so low when I broke up with my ex last year, I'd put one weight etc (all the cliche stuff that happens to a depressed guy after a break up) then realized things had to change and sorted that .... out because no one else would.

I went through all those dumb thoughts of 'How could she do this to me?', 'What did I do to deserve this?' etc then realized she wasn't worth wasting my time worrying on. No girl is worth that .... when they throw you to the curb.


----------



## cwhitey2

My damn ex texted me this weekend. I haven't spoken to her in almost 1 1/2 years.

She texted me just say 'hi'.

I almost broke my ....ing phone...like snapped into 2 pieces.



She is one of those people who like to try and creep back into your life when they have sucked they life out of someone else. She is probably the worst type of person in the freaking world. I think I'm going to try and 'hate' .... her.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Maybrick said:


> Dont beat yourself up about it man. She isn't worth it if she hasn't got the decency to say anything to you about it ending.
> 
> Take some time out for yourself, get happy with who you are, spend time with family and friends and socialize. Then when you're ready just jump back in and start dating again. I was so low when I broke up with my ex last year, I'd put one weight etc (all the cliche stuff that happens to a depressed guy after a break up) then realized things had to change and sorted that .... out because no one else would.
> 
> I went through all those dumb thoughts of 'How could she do this to me?', 'What did I do to deserve this?' etc then realized she wasn't worth wasting my time worrying on. No girl is worth that .... when they throw you to the curb.



I am reasonably happy with myself and am working on ways of improving myself even more. I think I'm pretty much alright really, she was cool for a while and I liked her a lot, but it's pretty much her loss if she wants to f*ck off. I like to think I have a lot to offer, it's just a case of finding someone who really deserves it. I thought she did, but clearly not. She ain't worth it.

I need to meet girls... and I've lost confidence in Tinder. I rarely get matches I'm properly interested in, and even then it can be hard to get a conversation going - even harder to take it to the next level. I had 70 matches that went nowhere before I met "her", and ended up doing a few dates, getting together and spending the night numerous times and then getting burnt and kicked to the kerb after only about a month. I don't know how much more I can expect from Tinder really. I figure most girls on there are just looking to hook up. I'm still on there because I'm considering trying the hookup route, but I don't know if I'm cut out for it... I think I'd rather be in a relationship.

Problem is, while this has been a confidence boost, I still don't really know how to meet girls in "real life". I'm fine once I'm talking to them, I don't really have any problems in that department any more, but it's a case of actually finding where they are. I mean... I'm at a music school and see a lot of attractive girls around, but I don't actually have much to do with any of them. I suppose I could go to more of the events but I still live at home, a relatively long way out of town, so unless I pulled there and then and got a place to stay the night, I'd have to leave early 

Well... I've just joined an awesome new band that's gigging regularly, so maybe I'll get some groupies


----------



## Maybrick

BucketheadRules said:


> I am reasonably happy with myself and am working on ways of improving myself even more. I think I'm pretty much alright really, she was cool for a while and I liked her a lot, but it's pretty much her loss if she wants to f*ck off. I like to think I have a lot to offer, it's just a case of finding someone who really deserves it. I thought she did, but clearly not. She ain't worth it.
> 
> I need to meet girls... and I've lost confidence in Tinder. I rarely get matches I'm properly interested in, and even then it can be hard to get a conversation going - even harder to take it to the next level. I had 70 matches that went nowhere before I met "her", and ended up doing a few dates, getting together and spending the night numerous times and then getting burnt and kicked to the kerb after only about a month. I don't know how much more I can expect from Tinder really. I figure most girls on there are just looking to hook up. I'm still on there because I'm considering trying the hookup route, but I don't know if I'm cut out for it... I think I'd rather be in a relationship.
> 
> Problem is, while this has been a confidence boost, I still don't really know how to meet girls in "real life". I'm fine once I'm talking to them, I don't really have any problems in that department any more, but it's a case of actually finding where they are. I mean... I'm at a music school and see a lot of attractive girls around, but I don't actually have much to do with any of them. I suppose I could go to more of the events but I still live at home, a relatively long way out of town, so unless I pulled there and then and got a place to stay the night, I'd have to leave early
> 
> Well... I've just joined an awesome new band that's gigging regularly, so maybe I'll get some groupies



Tinder is a tricky one. I was in the same boat as you before I met the girl I'm dating now. Girls are the more vocal ones about how guys are "just on Tinder for one thing" but I think its a very 50/50 situation.

Thats awesome about the band - its a great way to meet people. One thing I think really works well when you want to meet girls is actually to meet guys. Obviously as a guy (unless your super paranoid) you have no issue with another dude casually talking to you especially if its at a gig when its usually going to be about music. Get on naming terms with the guys at shows you play and it just opens you up to new social circles.


----------



## russmuller

Maybrick said:


> Last thing either of you want it to be limited because of each other and not doing what you want. Have you spoken to her about the 'living in Arizona'? It sounds like you're thinking about it maturely at least. It does all boil down to you being happy though buddy. If you have these concerns which you think wont change then maybe at least sit down with her and discuss it?



We talked about it last night. I told her that I was concerned by how deep her regret was about not leaving Arizona, and that I think achieving that is an important part of her own growth that she's ignoring to her own detriment. It took a little bit to get past the long list of excuses, and at one point she even made it seem like it was never going to happen because it would take too long for her to be financially able to do move.

Eventually I was able to persuade her to recognize that if she doesn't prepare her life to move because she doesn't perceive an opportunity to get there, when the opportunity comes along she'll miss it because she's not ready. And conversely, I asked what she would do if I took a job in Oregon and had to move in 2 months. She didn't hesitate to say she'd throw everything in her car and just go. So I drove home the point that the only thing stopping her from going is the fact that she refuses to let herself do it.

I told her that I love her, but I don't know if this is a forever kind of love and I don't think she should hang around on account of me. We didn't break up, but almost. We're going to try to sort out some of the other issues in our relationship, and I'm going to continue to encourage her to pursue her best interests (whatever they may be).


----------



## russmuller

cwhitey2 said:


> I think I'm going to try and 'hate' .... her.



GIVE IN TO HATE!


----------



## cwhitey2

russmuller said:


> GIVE IN TO HATE!



hahahaha I'm going to try not to but 



'dat .....'


----------



## Obsidian Soul

As BucketheadRules said,I don't know how to meet women in "real life" either.I'm shy but I'm also very honest.If I approach a woman,which given my circumstances is out of the way of my daily routine,it will come across as forced and confrontational, which is the opposite of what I am.

At least when I was in school,I could try to relate through the coursework.Approaching a random woman in public to me is very awkward,so I've been on a free dating website.However,I've been in the same predicament that every man faces.

The women on there have become very selective and callous due to so many men messaging them with either perverted or sincere intent.Almost all of my messages have not even been seen.

When it comes to love and relationships,I feel totally overwhelmed yet extremely ignorant.I don't even know where to start when it comes to starting a relationship.


----------



## NoodleFace

If you guys are trying to find meaningful relationships, Tinder isn't the place. It's a place to hook up first and foremost. Sure, we all know someone that got a relationship from Tinder - but in general, you'll spend a lot of effort trying to make something work.

If you're having trouble in normal social settings, you can always try eHarmony, Match, Plentyoffish, etc. I've known a few that have had success there. Try to stay away from bars if you're out prowling for a woman - not many people say "I met my wife at a bar."

Sorry things went sour Buckethead. Maybe I was crass with how I said it, but my advice was sincere early on. To me, as an outsider looking in, the signs were very clear. She's not worth your time, clearly.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

Hey, I met my wife at a bar! Lol

Neither of us drinks though. We were there to see a band. 

As for tinder and the like, I think you're spot on. It requires no commitment and very little effort, and thus anybody with two minutes of free time jumps on. Something that requires more commitment seems like a better option. Can't speak for anything in particular, but paid sites tend to weed out a little better the cheap sleezes looking for nothing other than a quick tug.


----------



## NoodleFace

No offense on the bar thing - I think in general people don't meet long term relationships at the bar


----------



## NicePants

NoodleFace said:


> No offense on the bar thing - I think in general people don't meet long term relationships at the bar



Bar girls man. I could write a whole ....ing blues album about em.


----------



## russmuller

Relationship slides further downhill...

My girlfriend and I are both introverts, but within that category we are on different points along the spectrum and as a result we have very different needs. For me, I need a significant amount of time outside of work where I'm alone. I need that distance from people and obligations in order to feel refreshed, creative, productive, and inspired. For her, when she's alone, the dark clouds of negative thought patterns creep in and she descends into anxiety and depression.

It seems that more and more these days, we're doing a dance back and forth of starving my "me time" until I'm burned out and her feeling neglected until she has an anxiety attack.

For my part, it doesn't help that I'm bad at knowing where to set boundaries and maintaining them. I'm a people pleaser, so I tend to de-prioritize my own needs when my partner wants something I don't. So I don't put up a fight to maintain my space until I'm really stressed out about it. And on the flip side, when I do ask for space, there is always a lasso of text messages around my waist trying to anchor herself to me as she climbs down the anxiety rabbit hole.

In our near-breakup Sunday evening, she suggested that we not see each other this week to give me some space. It only took 3 days for her to break down. Monday morning we were hugging and kissing, and in those 3 days we sent over 150 text messages between us. But even so, after less than 72 hours apart, I got this loooooooong text last night about how she wants someone who is always there for her all the time to hold her while she cries, and so on.

I feel like she needs a therapist and medication, not just a boyfriend. That's not to say that I don't have plenty of my own issues that contribute to the dysfunction in our relationship, but I'm just not sure how much longer this is going to hold on.


----------



## ASoC

As someone who tends to spiral into depression when I'm alone, I think your gf needs a proper hobby. Something that requires a lot of focus and takes up a reasonable chunk of time. I've found that keeping busy is the best way to keep myself happy when I'm on my own. Weed also helps a lot.


----------



## ThePIGI King

russmuller said:


> Relationship Problem Post



I feel for you man, I've kind of been in a similar, yet different place in a relationship, and I honestly hope for nothing but the best for the both of you. I wish I had advice to give, but I'm the last person to dish out advice.


----------



## UnderTheSign

russmuller said:


> Relationship slides further downhill...
> 
> My girlfriend and I are both introverts, but within that category we are on different points along the spectrum and as a result we have very different needs. For me, I need a significant amount of time outside of work where I'm alone. I need that distance from people and obligations in order to feel refreshed, creative, productive, and inspired. For her, when she's alone, the dark clouds of negative thought patterns creep in and she descends into anxiety and depression.
> 
> It seems that more and more these days, we're doing a dance back and forth of starving my "me time" until I'm burned out and her feeling neglected until she has an anxiety attack.
> 
> For my part, it doesn't help that I'm bad at knowing where to set boundaries and maintaining them. I'm a people pleaser, so I tend to de-prioritize my own needs when my partner wants something I don't. So I don't put up a fight to maintain my space until I'm really stressed out about it. And on the flip side, when I do ask for space, there is always a lasso of text messages around my waist trying to anchor herself to me as she climbs down the anxiety rabbit hole.
> 
> In our near-breakup Sunday evening, she suggested that we not see each other this week to give me some space. It only took 3 days for her to break down. Monday morning we were hugging and kissing, and in those 3 days we sent over 150 text messages between us. But even so, after less than 72 hours apart, I got this loooooooong text last night about how she wants someone who is always there for her all the time to hold her while she cries, and so on.
> 
> I feel like she needs a therapist and medication, not just a boyfriend. That's not to say that I don't have plenty of my own issues that contribute to the dysfunction in our relationship, but I'm just not sure how much longer this is going to hold on.


This might sound harsh but I hope for the both of you it won't hold on much longer. Either something has to change or it's going to blow up in your face man.


----------



## Maybrick

I think the biggest thing that I changed about myself before I started getting back into dating was just sorting myself out (physically and mentally). I was exactly the same as everyone else thats posted in the last few pages. I didn't know where to start and wasn't keen on the idea of just walking up to random girls and starting a conversations.

I can't stress how important it is to feel 'happy' with yourself first before you even consider dating. Girls can sense it when you're not confident (not looking them in the eyes, using loads of "ermmm", "mmmm" when you're talking to them etc). I'm not saying you need to walk into a room with your chest puffed out going "Im going to dominate tonight" or be the centre of attention. You just need to talk to look people in the eyes when you talk to them, talk slower so it comes across as more confident.

I was such a nervous wreck when talking to girls a year ago but I got myself in better shape and got myself more hobbies (.... that I can talk to girls about so they know I have loads of things to keep me occupied).

For people that are nervous about how to approach the dating ...., I started hitting the gym and eating sensibly but also just got out as much as I could for social events. Whether it was with colleagues that were going out for a few drinks after work or with my actual friends. Get out and about, chat to as many people as you can so you can get more confident (regardless of if its chatting to dudes or girls).

Apologies for the unstructed waffle.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Maybrick said:


> I think the biggest thing that I changed about myself before I started getting back into dating was just sorting myself out (physically and mentally). I was exactly the same as everyone else thats posted in the last few pages. I didn't know where to start and wasn't keen on the idea of just walking up to random girls and starting a conversations.
> 
> I can't stress how important it is to feel 'happy' with yourself first before you even consider dating. Girls can sense it when you're not confident (not looking them in the eyes, using loads of "ermmm", "mmmm" when you're talking to them etc). I'm not saying you need to walk into a room with your chest puffed out going "Im going to dominate tonight" or be the centre of attention. You just need to talk to look people in the eyes when you talk to them, talk slower so it comes across as more confident.
> 
> I was such a nervous wreck when talking to girls a year ago but I got myself in better shape and got myself more hobbies (.... that I can talk to girls about so they know I have loads of things to keep me occupied).
> 
> For people that are nervous about how to approach the dating ...., I started hitting the gym and eating sensibly but also just got out as much as I could for social events. Whether it was with colleagues that were going out for a few drinks after work or with my actual friends. Get out and about, chat to as many people as you can so you can get more confident (regardless of if its chatting to dudes or girls).
> 
> Apologies for the unstructed waffle.


This unstructured waffle is quite the wise waffle.


----------



## Maybrick

BlackMastodon said:


> This unstructured waffle is quite the wise waffle.



Thanks man


----------



## RevelGTR

My girlfriend and I have been back together for almost a year now (although we were only broken up for a few days) and things are going very well. We seem to have reached a place of total comfort with each other which is nice.


----------



## p0ke

Wow, so much I can relate to in this thread... 
Anyways, things can change pretty quickly. About 2 years ago, I thought I would be forever alone. I never really had any problems talking to girls but I just kept getting friendzoned all the time... But then I met my gf. I believe it was the first time anyone has had a crush on me, it was really weird. And now we've been engaged for a year and live together. Also, our first baby will be born in a couple of months.

Living with a pregnant woman can be some tough .... from time to time though  Besides all her hormone stuff and me having to do basically all of the housework (because she just physically can't), I'm also an introvert and need my own space, which I haven't been getting lately. At all. So I've been really sensitive lately, basically snapping at every little thing. Luckily I'm a very mellow person, so it doesn't take a long time for me to get over it, but it's still really annoying. I mean, who gets pissed of when a few cardboard boxes that are going into the basement the next time I'm going there have been moved into the staircase that leads to the basement, so they're out of the way? Well, I did the other day 

Luckily I'm getting some me-time this weekend, as she's going on a company trip to Lapland


----------



## Alberto7

I'm just gonna throw this out there, because it's only now that I've come to admit just how hard it has impacted my love/sex life: sometimes I wish I'd gotten into business and/or psychology instead of engineering.


----------



## BlackMastodon

Alberto7 said:


> I'm just gonna throw this out there, because it's only now that I've come to admit just how hard it has impacted my love/sex life: sometimes I wish I'd gotten into business and/or psychology instead of engineering.


The number of times I've thought this during my undergrad.  Soon whatever women you have in your program will be "engineering hot."


----------



## Hbett

BlackMastodon said:


> The number of times I've thought this during my undergrad.  Soon whatever women you have in your program will be "engineering hot."



Protip: this is why lots of women leave/never enter engineering. If you want women to join your program, maybe don't make fun of their appearances.


----------



## Alberto7

^ Yeah, I'm at that stage of the program already  3rd, going on 4th year. Don't get me wrong, a few of the girls left are smoking hot (and the "engineer hot" factor is borderline irresistible sometimes haha), but they've all been taken forever now, and whenever there's a window of chance, I don't even get to find out.  In other programs there are so many girls that you really can't avoid mingling with them, even if you wanted to. And it's a huge university in Montreal, so they're obviously all hot. 

My friend desperately wants to set me up with this friend of his that's studying medicine at another university. She's really cute, but I gotta wait till, like, June for him to introduce her to me.  But he keeps telling me to wait. Besides, the medicine/hyper competitive type scare me.


----------



## Alberto7

Hbett said:


> Protip: this is why lots of women leave/never enter engineering. If you want women to join your program, maybe don't make fun of their appearances.



Not sure if he was referring to their appearance. I know I wasn't. It's more of a "here's this girl who's into science and understanding how the world works... just like me!" kind of factor. Mutual interests, basically.

It's true, however, that the male-dominant environment and mentality of the engineering field is really sh*tty and scares away A LOT of potential. But, if I've learned something is that girls in other programs dig it when they find out you're an engineer.


----------



## MFB

The women at my firm are far better than what you'd normally see, and I don't even mean the marketing/admin ones. Some of the engineering ones are keepers.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Alberto7 said:


> I'm just gonna throw this out there, because it's only now that I've come to admit just how hard it has impacted my love/sex life: sometimes I wish I'd gotten into business and/or psychology instead of engineering.



its not that high of a mountain to climb to meet people in other programs  

i had a pretty good shot at a business girl in school that i never pursued (ended up with the future Mrs. instead) 

granted any opportunity i had to meet people outside of my major was in those basic required credit classes and then my senior seminar... i just followed up with them at the bar after


----------



## Alberto7

^ We're only allowed to take one non-engineering course as our general elective. I already did it. It was an online course.  The only time I saw my classmates' faces was during the final exam. All of the people I've ever been involved with after starting university have been from other faculties. Business, architecture, philosophy/film, journalism. The only time I got anywhere close within my faculty, was with this industrial engineer friend of mine, but we ended up "friendzoning" each other, and we're just really good friends now.  But I don't get to meet people from other faculties very often either. It's true I could be slightly more involved in university events, but I'm often just not that interested.

-------

In other news... the one time that I thought I could keep contact with an ex, it just up and exploded in my face. Opened a huge can of worms that I kinda suspected was there, but somehow didn't see it coming.  Now I feel like a complete tool and a total idiot, because it's partially my fault that said can is now open, and nothing I can say will make the situation better. On the other hand, that is one MASSIVE bullet I dodged there.  Still though, I feel pretty crappy about it, because she's hurt, and I made it worse, and now all I can do is shut my mouth and let her hurt alone.


----------



## piggins411

You can meet college people outside of class though too. I mean, I get it, I was an engineer too, but I had time to meet plenty of people who weren't. I _did_ hang out with my Chem E crew a lot, but I had other friends too. Some of which I met through the Chem E group. Do your engineering friends only know engineers?


----------



## Alberto7

^ Yeah, I get that too. I was speaking in a more lighthearted tone about the situation at university, but since you've brought it up... speaking more seriously, most of my engineer friends do hang out mostly with other people in engineering. That, and most of them live far away from school, so it's not like we end up going out every weekend anyway. I'm a sociable person, I like talking to people, and I don't even mind talking to strangers (as long as I have some sort of reasonable starter to break the ice with), but I am extremely picky about who I actually end up hanging out with. It takes time for me to feel comfortable enough with someone to the point that I'd want to keep contact with them. I can talk to people all day/night long at events or gatherings, but I rarely keep contact with any of them after the fact. As a result, most of my closest friends are people from all over. They come mostly from completely different backgrounds to one another, and I'm not very attached to whatever circles they may be in. (With exceptions) I blame that on the fact that I didn't spend more than two years in the same country while I was in my late teens/early twenties, so my life (and thus my friend circles) has become very segmented, and I'm used to just socializing with separate individuals, rather than with groups. It's also the fact that most people I meet seem to be way too busy these days, (as am I, when I think about it) so it's hard to plan things, and I'm more the type to sporadically come up and say "I feel like going somewhere" during my free time, rather than setting up a time, date, and place, as if I were making a doctor's appointment.

That's sort of beginning to change now that I've finally found something I'm passionate about (karate) besides music and my guitar(s), both of which have become such personal things to me that I don't really talk about them with other people a lot. With karate, however, I've started dedicating a lot of time and effort to socialize within those circles. A little group of the same people that go to a few classes has started to form, and we're progressing at a similar pace, so we stick together. I've also met a lot of other incredible people through karate. I even had my eye on one of my classmates at one point last year. Just when I thought I could ask her out, I found out the reason she was so flirty and touchy with me was that she was unhappily married and just looking for some comfort. I kinda ran away from that one as fast as I could and as soon as I found out.  She's actually been divorced since February, but that's a completely different story. 

*TL;DR:* I am very good at making cool and interesting acquaintances, but I'm pretty bad at making friends, and even more at making friends with _their_ friends. I'm also pretty good at making excuses,  but shush, I already know that. 

Not sure why I felt like going into so much detail about myself, but yeah. I guess that's out there now.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

^^^ 

you were talking about your passions man, nothing wrong with that. 

if i had one complaint about university its that the majors stick together... which kind of sucks especially if you don't live on campus and your dorm buddies dont expose you to other groups of people.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

My girlfriend has been at my house for a little over a week. It's a little odd because it's the first time I've had a girl live with me that wasn't a relative, and first time I've shared a bed sober. It's also cool because she's a horror nerd and my general nerdy stuff is rubbing off on here. So we spend time watching gory movies and power rangers


----------



## Seybsnilksz

Uhh, a girl on tinder wants to have sex with Darth Maul...


----------



## asher

...specifically Darth Maul?


----------



## vividox

Seybsnilksz said:


> Uhh, a girl on tinder wants to have sex with Darth Maul...



Dude. You have to do this and report back to us. For science.


----------



## asher

vividox said:


> Dude. You have to do this and report back to us. For science.


----------



## NicePants

Dan_Vacant said:


> My girlfriend has been at my house for a little over a week. It's a little odd because it's the first time I've had a girl live with me that wasn't a relative, and first time I've shared a bed sober. *It's also cool because she's a horror nerd and my general nerdy stuff is rubbing off on here. So we spend time watching gory movies and power rangers*



You marry her right now!


----------



## ftr

uhh, i am wanting to get a new gf bad. i have been looking on okc, meetme and i finally started using tinder. i went through so many preppy basic white girls and didn't find too many i was interested but there was the one girl i was really interested in so i ''superliked'' her, i guess i will see if that helps. how does it work? do the people you like get notified that you liked them and then they decide if they want to swipe left or right? or is it a surprise when it is a mutual match when they are just swiping through? and how long until you get some matches? i thought i was going to get a bunch of matches in a day but i have yet to get one. i did delete my account because i wanted make a new account and go back and superlike that girl. and i had trouble making a new account and ended up making several accounts (don't ask), and i am probably going to end up making another one soon. how has you guy's experience with tinder been? dating sites and apps can be frustrating.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

asher said:


> ...specifically Darth Maul?



I have the same picture there as I have here just to see what would happen. And well, she seems to like it. REALLY like it.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Got laid last night for the first time in about six/seven weeks, so that was nice.


----------



## Maybrick

ftr said:


> uhh, i am wanting to get a new gf bad. i have been looking on okc, meetme and i finally started using tinder. i went through so many preppy basic white girls and didn't find too many i was interested but there was the one girl i was really interested in so i ''superliked'' her, i guess i will see if that helps. how does it work? do the people you like get notified that you liked them and then they decide if they want to swipe left or right? or is it a surprise when it is a mutual match when they are just swiping through? and how long until you get some matches? i thought i was going to get a bunch of matches in a day but i have yet to get one. i did delete my account because i wanted make a new account and go back and superlike that girl. and i had trouble making a new account and ended up making several accounts (don't ask), and i am probably going to end up making another one soon. how has you guy's experience with tinder been? dating sites and apps can be frustrating.



According to this, it does let them know:
Tinder will now let you &#39;Super Like&#39; the people you really like | The Verge

Tinder is definitely a waiting game, especially for dudes. For guys its more effort to get matches. If you think you're going to get a load of matches a day then it'll get you on a downer buddy. Play the waiting game.



BucketheadRules said:


> Got laid last night for the first time in about six/seven weeks, so that was nice.



Awesome news man, how'd that come about?


----------



## BucketheadRules

Maybrick said:


> Awesome news man, how'd that come about?



Tinder again.

I think she actually does want to see me again, so I guess we'll see what happens.


----------



## Alberto7

Maybrick said:


> Tinder is definitely a waiting game, especially for dudes. For guys its more effort to get matches. If you think you're going to get a load of matches a day then it'll get you on a downer buddy. Play the waiting game.



This. When I first used Tinder, I expected a bunch of matches. The only people I'd seen using Tinder were my roommates, and they were getting literally dozens of matches every hour. Of course, they were all girls, and they're all good looking, and I stupidly didn't factor that in when I first decided to play the game.  Needless to say, it was a huge bummer for me, until I began to see my guy friends' results. By now, I don't do Tinder anymore.



BucketheadRules said:


> Got laid last night for the first time in about six/seven weeks, so that was nice.


----------



## BucketheadRules

While we were making out she stopped and said "Your jaw line... it's to die for!"


----------



## asher

[little death joke here]

My brain isn't working. But


----------



## BucketheadRules

asher said:


> [little death joke here]



Well in that case, I suppose she put her money where her mouth is.


----------



## Alberto7

BucketheadRules said:


> Well in that case, I suppose she put her money where her mouth is.



She must be _very_ flexible.


----------



## ftr

i am thinking of initiating contact after no contact since january. i want to see how she responds. i really think she misses me too. why not atleast try? i really feel i am not going to find anyone better. i mean where the .... am i going to find someone else in north georgia that likes black metal and porcupine tree. ha. i am thinking of sending a text that says ''porcupine tree and chill''? even though that was included in the last text i sent her. .... i miss her, i want her back. she was not just some random girl. she is someone i felt deeply connected too and we have so much in common. it hurts so bad to let that go. i miss her.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

ftr said:


> i am thinking of initiating contact after no contact since january. i want to see how she responds. i really think she misses me too. why not atleast try? i really feel i am not going to find anyone better. i mean where the .... am i going to find someone else in north georgia that likes black metal and porcupine tree. ha. i am thinking of sending a text that says ''porcupine tree and chill''? even though that was included in the last text i sent her. .... i miss her, i want her back. she was not just some random girl. she is someone i felt deeply connected too and we have so much in common. it hurts so bad to let that go. i miss her.



"Missing someone" is part of the healing. I think you know that you shouldn't do this. You've made it this far. If you crawl to her now, it's going to be devastating. Pain is also a huge part of the healing process. The pain from here on out gets more and more manageable.. be it slowly. She's not going to be receptive ( not in a positive way anyway) and that's going to put you right back at square one.. just stretching out the pain even longer. And it will be more painful because you will have undone all the progress that you've already made. I know it doesn't feel like progress ( since it's still so painful) but it is. You're in a better place than you were when you were grappling with all the emotional turmoil in January. Please consider very honestly if you want to go thru all of that again. Only difference is that it will just be so much worse now. 

And let's say that you reach out and she responds with a very succinct message that she doesn't want to get back with you? I can just about guarantee that's how it will go down. Then you've not only lost all the ground that you've conquered but then you'll also have to process thru all the feelings of shame/ embarrassment. 

You can't speak for her when you say that you know that "she misses me". That's what you want to believe. You never gave her any reason to feel as if she should ever feel apprehensive to contact you. She knows damn well that if she contacted you, that you would very like be receptive. It's not like you told her to never contact you again. So if she DID miss you, she would have surely already contacted you. Even if she does miss you, that doesn't mean that she wants to fire this thing up again. Like I said... missing someone is just part of the healing process. Plus the fact that if she does miss you ( yet doesn't want to talk), then you are not doing her any favors by opening up a sensitive wound that she may still be trying to deal with. That's not fair to her or to you. 

And lets just say that she want's to rekindle things... it's so sad and eternally painful to be intimately involved with someone that has the ability to treat you like she already has. You deserve more, dude. Whether you believe that or not. Maybe you do live in BFE GA, but that's no reason to settle for a relationship that will put your heart thru hell over and over again. Don't sell out man. You've come this far. You need to continue moving forward. Just because you're not out of the dark forest yet is no reason to just lay down and stop fighting. 

Keep on keeping on, man.


----------



## Alberto7

Dude, for your own sake, don't. That could go south so easily, and you'll be the one who ends up hurt the most. It's just going to re-open the wounds, and it's gonna hurt, and then the scar will be A LOT more visible. Trust me. It's like picking at a scab, making the wound bleed again, and then you just keep worsening the scar. We've all got the urge to make contact with them some time after it's over. It's normal. Just think of the fact that that feeling is transient, and it'll go away. I can assure you that, soon, you'll think back to this moment, and you're gonna feel like an idiot for having ever even thought that.

Time does heal, but you gotta give time, well... time.


----------



## Maybrick

Alberto7 said:


> This. When I first used Tinder, I expected a bunch of matches. The only people I'd seen using Tinder were my roommates, and they were getting literally dozens of matches every hour. Of course, they were all girls, and they're all good looking, and I stupidly didn't factor that in when I first decided to play the game.  Needless to say, it was a huge bummer for me, until I began to see my guy friends' results. By now, I don't do Tinder anymore.



Yeah the same happened to me. When I firstly signed up to it I really expected (not out of arrogance) that'd I'd get a load of matches in the first day. I then spent about 1 month or two constantly deleting my account out of frustration then signing back up again haha. Once I set my expectations it was so much better.




BucketheadRules said:


> Tinder again.
> 
> I think she actually does want to see me again, so I guess we'll see what happens.



Thats good news man. I've been seeing a girl for over a month now that I met on Tinder. Funny thing is that I havent dated a girl that I'm this into this much since my ex and I would have been dating my ex about 4-5 years ago so I feel like such a kid. At the moment I dont know at what point I ask her about it being official.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

Seybsnilksz said:


> Uhh, a girl on tinder wants to have sex with Darth Maul...



Turns out it was a trans woman.  Not my cup of tea.


----------



## ftr

i guess i am thinking i would be nonchalant if i didn't get a reply, like maybe send as text that doesn't have to be replied to, just letting her know i was thinking of her and i don't harbor any negative feelings (even though i do). i know i didn't say anything to where she would be apprehensive but she is just not good at expressing her emotions sometimes and i could see how it would be awkward to reply to the last text i sent. so i think of that may be a reason for her not texting me and is waiting for me to initiate contact first. oh, and i blocked her on all of the sites/apps we would talk on, except fb, which she doesn't really use. that and how i sounded on last texts i sent, i wouldn't be surprised if she thought i was super pissed at her. and though it may have sounded different, i actually didn't even try waiting for things to cool down and then reach out, i just stopped contact and she probably just needed a few days, i didn't wait a week or anything. just somethings i think of. anyway, i am trying really hard to find another girl. after scouring dating sites and apps it makes me miss her more. yeah, i have only been looking hard for like a week now. if anyone has dating site recommendations let me know.


----------



## MFB

So you want to send her a text, after she straight ghosted you, claiming you have no I'll will - even though you do. 

I'm sure that go over well if she did respond. Nothing rekindles a relationship like lying.


----------



## Alberto7

ftr said:


> i guess i am thinking i would be nonchalant if i didn't get a reply, like maybe send as text that doesn't have to be replied to, just letting her know i was thinking of her and i don't harbor any negative feelings (*even though i do*).



Had to highlight that last part, man. You're approaching it in a very self-destructive and passive-aggressive way. It's not about what she may reply, or how she may react to what you're telling her, or what she will think of you if you _appear_ nonchalant after contacting her. It's about how YOU _ultimately and actually_ feel, regardless of how you may appear externally. If you still bear negative feelings against her, you haven't really accomplished much,**** and should definitely NOT contact her. Resist that urge. Getting back at her because she's angry won't make you feel better. That, and you risk an answer from her that may end up hurting you infinitely more than you hurt her. Take this from someone who felt EXACTLY the same way you're feeling right now and who is thankful that he successfully resisted that urge. It'll only hurt you further. Things do get better. The road to healing is sh!t, but it'll come in time.

Also, no, I really doubt she's waiting for you to initiate contact. It's not even worth considering, given what's at steak. (Your own mental well-being.) I know it sounds harsh, and even cliche, but forget about her. It doesn't matter how you do it, but forget about her.

*** EDIT: what I meant is that you haven't accomplished much if those negative feelings are STILL crippling you. You can have negative feelings, but if they don't interfere with your judgement then you're more or less half way there.*


----------



## RevelGTR

DO NOT TEXT HER. I get what you're thinking, but that's not how it's going to work out. You're going to get a negative response or no response at all, and it's going to hurt. Spend some time being single, go to shows, learn a new technique, etc. In 6 months you're going to feel a lot better, and you'll be happy you didn't drag this out any longer.


----------



## russmuller

Finally broke up with my girlfriend. I made many honest efforts to make things work, but in the end it was just not the right thing for either of us. I feel badly about how things played out, but it is definitely for the best.


----------



## Alberto7

russmuller said:


> Finally broke up with my girlfriend. I made many honest efforts to make things work, but in the end it was just not the right thing for either of us. I feel badly about how things played out, but it is definitely for the best.


----------



## Arkeion

We're planning a Disney World honeymoon for mid-March. Any of you guys ever been just as a couple? What's some cool shizz you wouldn't normally do with a full fam? Any tips?


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Arkeion said:


> We're planning a Disney World honeymoon for mid-March. Any of you guys ever been just as a couple? What's some cool shizz you wouldn't normally do with a full fam? Any tips?



congrats man, my wife and i did the same thing. it was my first disney trip to boot!

1) sex. 
2) there's a nightclub on the boardwalk in epcot that plays 80s ad 90s dance music... it was being rented out when my wife went on our honeymoon. also a piano bar
3) Drinking around the world in Epcot... my advice, start drinking when the sun is past its highest point. we started at 11am... we were burnt and dehydrated by germany... not a good look at all.

a lot of it is the same except you dont have little kids so you can get through things faster. 

that being said, dont hesitate to spend time by the pool or just relaxing. split up the activities as best you can... also check out the sports complex... we didnt get to it.

are you doing universal as well?


----------



## Arkeion

Ibanezsam4 said:


> congrats man, my wife and i did the same thing. it was my first disney trip to boot!
> 
> 1) sex.
> 2) there's a nightclub on the boardwalk in epcot that plays 80s ad 90s dance music... it was being rented out when my wife went on our honeymoon. also a piano bar
> 3) Drinking around the world in Epcot... my advice, start drinking when the sun is past its highest point. we started at 11am... we were burnt and dehydrated by germany... not a good look at all.
> 
> a lot of it is the same except you dont have little kids so you can get through things faster.
> 
> that being said, dont hesitate to spend time by the pool or just relaxing. split up the activities as best you can... also check out the sports complex... we didnt get to it.
> 
> are you doing universal as well?



Thanks man! We've both been several times without eachother, but never together. I'm so excited, like for real. Did you guys enjoy it? What time of the year did you go?

We'll have 1 and 3 covered for sure. 3 is a biggie I'll have to keep in mind. We (I) plan on drinking.. a lot. Neither of us are too big on clubs/bars but we might hit it up one night if they serve good food. We're gonna spend 5 days at Disney, 3 at Universal with one of our Disney days being a slow/chill and eat day. We're bigger Uni fans, but we feel like we could tone it down a bit at Disney and enjoy the food/beer.

Any nice/romantic restaurants you remember in particular? We're gonna to stay at the Animal Kingdom Lodge with the safari view. She doesn't know that yet, I've told her it's too expensive and we would rather spend our time at the parks anyway.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Arkeion said:


> Thanks man! We've both been several times without eachother, but never together. I'm so excited, like for real. Did you guys enjoy it? What time of the year did you go?
> 
> We'll have 1 and 3 covered for sure. 3 is a biggie I'll have to keep in mind. We (I) plan on drinking.. a lot. Neither of us are too big on clubs/bars but we might hit it up one night if they serve good food. We're gonna spend 5 days at Disney, 3 at Universal with one of our Disney days being a slow/chill and eat day. We're bigger Uni fans, but we feel like we could tone it down a bit at Disney and enjoy the food/beer.
> 
> Any nice/romantic restaurants you remember in particular? We're gonna to stay at the Animal Kingdom Lodge with the safari view. She doesn't know that yet, I've told her it's too expensive and we would rather spend our time at the parks anyway.



you sly dog you 

We went this past October and had a blast. But we are both eager and efficient people so we got too much done too soon, leaving our last day to be rather slow. but you're going to Universal so you have some options. 

We stayed in Epcot so most of our dining was there.. A good spot we didn't get to go was the Mexican restaurant on the water (not the one in the Temple), it gives you the best view of the fireworks and show if make your reservations at the right time. 

The French place "Be Our Guest" in magic kingdom is really cute, i liked that a lot. My favorite for food and atmosphere was the brick oven Italian place in Italy. 

On the Boardwalk there is also a brew pub, not spectacular but tasty. It made me wish there was a whole Boardwalk park where i could pretend to be in the roaring 20s and avoid prohibition officers


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## russmuller

russmuller said:


> Finally broke up with my girlfriend. I made many honest efforts to make things work, but in the end it was just not the right thing for either of us. I feel badly about how things played out, but it is definitely for the best.



Breakups suck... I told my now-ex-girlfriend it was fine if she wanted to text me to say whatever she needed to say, but I woke up to 51 messages sent from across a spectrum of intoxication and delirium. I tried to make her understand that I'm just not right for her, but on top of the breakup I'm grieving over the death of a friend so I'm just all mentally screwed up and it did not go well. 

I'm pretty sure I just caused her a lot of hurt, and I feel awful for it, but I think it would only be worse to let things continue on uncertain terms. I hope that at least now she will try to move on rather than invest herself in trying to getting back together.

I hate that I'm throwing away a relationship with someone who was more giving and supportive than anyone I've ever known, but my heart just wasn't in it and she deserves someone who loves her the same. I think I'm going to take a half day off work and drink until I can't feel feelings anymore.


----------



## Arkeion

Ibanezsam4 said:


> you sly dog you
> 
> We went this past October and had a blast. But we are both eager and efficient people so we got too much done too soon, leaving our last day to be rather slow. but you're going to Universal so you have some options.
> 
> We stayed in Epcot so most of our dining was there.. A good spot we didn't get to go was the Mexican restaurant on the water (not the one in the Temple), it gives you the best view of the fireworks and show if make your reservations at the right time.
> 
> The French place "Be Our Guest" in magic kingdom is really cute, i liked that a lot. My favorite for food and atmosphere was the brick oven Italian place in Italy.
> 
> On the Boardwalk there is also a brew pub, not spectacular but tasty. It made me wish there was a whole Boardwalk park where i could pretend to be in the roaring 20s and avoid prohibition officers



Oh yeah, we'll be hitting up Be Our Guest. That's her _favorite_. October is the food and wine festival right? Did you guys make it for that? Did y'all pick a dining plan or just pay as you went? I'm on the fence about the meal plans big time.


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## Ibanezsam4

Arkeion said:


> Oh yeah, we'll be hitting up Be Our Guest. That's her _favorite_. October is the food and wine festival right? Did you guys make it for that? Did y'all pick a dining plan or just pay as you went? I'm on the fence about the meal plans big time.



we did a meal plan because the drink markup is already pretty steep. that why if we got a little hammered we weren't dropping $$$$ every night. 

and yes we did food and wine. Sooo good. There was also an American craft brew exhibit and we tried this one Florida beer that i swear smelled like grape nuts cereal... it was amazing


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## BucketheadRules

russmuller said:


> Breakups suck... I told my now-ex-girlfriend it was fine if she wanted to text me to say whatever she needed to say, but I woke up to 51 messages sent from across a spectrum of intoxication and delirium. I tried to make her understand that I'm just not right for her, but on top of the breakup I'm grieving over the death of a friend so I'm just all mentally screwed up and it did not go well.
> 
> I'm pretty sure I just caused her a lot of hurt, and I feel awful for it, but I think it would only be worse to let things continue on uncertain terms. I hope that at least now she will try to move on rather than invest herself in trying to getting back together.
> 
> I hate that I'm throwing away a relationship with someone who was more giving and supportive than anyone I've ever known, but my heart just wasn't in it and she deserves someone who loves her the same. I think I'm going to take a half day off work and drink until I can't feel feelings anymore.



Dude, I feel awful for you about this. I dunno if there's anything much that I can do or say to help, but if you ever want a chat or just to get anything off your chest then hit me up.


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## Alberto7

russmuller said:


> Breakups suck... I told my now-ex-girlfriend it was fine if she wanted to text me to say whatever she needed to say, but I woke up to 51 messages sent from across a spectrum of intoxication and delirium. I tried to make her understand that I'm just not right for her, but on top of the breakup I'm grieving over the death of a friend so I'm just all mentally screwed up and it did not go well.
> 
> I'm pretty sure I just caused her a lot of hurt, and I feel awful for it, but I think it would only be worse to let things continue on uncertain terms. I hope that at least now she will try to move on rather than invest herself in trying to getting back together.
> 
> I hate that I'm throwing away a relationship with someone who was more giving and supportive than anyone I've ever known, but my heart just wasn't in it and she deserves someone who loves her the same. I think I'm going to take a half day off work and drink until I can't feel feelings anymore.



You're a f*cking soldier, man. I wish I did, but I really have nothing to say. I will give you, however, another e-hug.


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## AngstRiddenDreams

Been with a girl I thought was the one for more than a year and a half, got hit with the line "you love me more than I love you" and now we're taking a "break". 
I've never felt so hurt from one sentence.


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## Alberto7

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> Been with a girl I thought was the one for more than a year and a half, got hit with the line "you love me more than I love you" and now we're taking a "break".
> I've never felt so hurt from one sentence.



That's brutal man, I'm really sorry to hear that ... make sure it's an actual break though, and not just an unresolved breakup. The latter will severely hinder your chances of moving on, should you have a need to. Hopefully you guys will be able to work it out man.


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## AngstRiddenDreams

Thanks man, I think we're going to give it about a week and then have another talk. 
I'm just in a weird place now because it had gotten to the point where she was my best friend, like anytime I needed to talk to someone about something she was who I went to and now I don't really know who to turn to. 
I've also become disheartened in college as a result.


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## NicePants

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> Been with a girl I thought was the one for more than a year and a half, got hit with the line "you love me more than I love you" and now we're taking a "break".
> I've never felt so hurt from one sentence.



I had a similar relationship a few years ago; loved her more than anyone I've ever loved and I was about ready to marry her, but we broke up because it was her dream to go to Australia, and I let her go because I didn't want to be the one standing in front of her dreams. It hurts a lot more than you'd imagine, but it dulls after a while. Hang in there man.


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## russmuller

BucketheadRules said:


> Dude, I feel awful for you about this. I dunno if there's anything much that I can do or say to help, but if you ever want a chat or just to get anything off your chest then hit me up.





Alberto7 said:


> You're a f*cking soldier, man. I wish I did, but I really have nothing to say. I will give you, however, another e-hug.



Thanks for the support, guys. It's really appreciated. It was a rough week, but I'm feeling a lot better (in general) now that my friend's funeral is in the past.

She texted me the day after the funeral to see how I was doing. We apologized for our mutual mis-steps and made peace. Yesterday I went over to her place because she wanted to talk about things, and we had a good heart to heart.

She said that she felt like I was being unfair in attributing an all-or-nothing stance on our relationship to her, and that she is actually open to more casual and less serious arrangements. She told me that she's sorry for not respecting my boundaries when I told her that I needed space.

I explained that I'm not good at maintaining boundaries in relationships, because they usually aren't violated in extreme ways. They're small encroachments, and I'm a people-pleaser so I'd rather avoid confrontation if a specific act that pushes the boundary isn't really a big deal in and of itself. But it's the accumulation of those little steps across the line that add up, and I don't realize that it's become a problem until it's gone too far.

Her only other relationship was pretty dyfunctional. She was completely dis-interested by the end stages and he was still desperately in love with her. She said it was an awful experience and she doesn't want to put me through anything like that, but she also doesn't want to just be platonic friends or cut me out of her life. So for now, we don't have titles or anything but it seems like we're likely to have something casual (the stability and longevity of which is to be determined). She was explicit that we should both be free to see other people, and I agree.

We did not sleep together, though there was a lot of sexual tension. We agreed that wherever this goes, it needs to go there VERY slowly. It's easy to fall into the comfort of old routines, and that's not going to make anything easier for either of us. I have to say that she really impressed me, but I'm still not convinced we aren't going to fall into a trap if we're not careful.


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## russmuller

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> Thanks man, I think we're going to give it about a week and then have another talk.
> I'm just in a weird place now because it had gotten to the point where she was my best friend, like anytime I needed to talk to someone about something she was who I went to and now I don't really know who to turn to.
> I've also become disheartened in college as a result.



That's rough, man. It sounds like you could really use a good friend.

Especially when I was younger, I found myself totally invested in my relationships to the detriment of my other friendships. As I've gotten older, I've gotten much better about maintaining a balance of a few close friends that keep me from depending too much on any one person. That's both for my sake to have more than one point of support, and for theirs so that I'm not over-burdening anyone.


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## MrBouleDeBowling

So my ex girlfriend dumped me 2 weeks ago. On the last days of the relationship, she changed drasticly. She gave the lowest amount of f***s someone ever gave me. I've never seen someone not caring like that. She dodged me on every occasion. She was seeing a "friend" of her, with who she likes to paint and do art stuff. No matter how many times she told me he is just a long time friend she always hung out with, I had my doubts. She unfortunately left her facebook account open when I came home for lunch break. I read their conversations. They were more than just "flirty". Dirty, really dirty sex talk. There is a slight chance they were only joking because they're close friends but I'm 99% sure she cheated on me with him. She left me, she asked me to take all my stuff and get out. I told her that it's fine if she doesn't want to be with me anymore, but I asked her that we don't talk or see each other for a long time so I can move on and forget about her. That's how I deal with my breakups.

She was getting along with one of my best friend when we were together. A few days ago, she told him she misses me very much, that she cries every night and pass in front of my house before her night shifts hoping to see me. That I'm a wonderful man and she regrets everything. She also tried to text me, which I just made a quick reponse making it clear that I'm not interested in talking.

My inner self is giving me 3 options

1#: get in her face, tell how you feel, get the answer you want. If she is really sincere, maybe consider giving her another chance and go back with her, because you still love her so much and she gave you the best relationship you ever had when you were together. Maybe she made a mistake and she truely cares about you.

2#: same as above, but instead, tell her to f**k off and just keep her as a friend at best.

3#: don't talk to her. Ignore everything she textes you. Never speak to her again. This is not the first time you are in pain because of her. You deserve better, it doesn't matter if she left you because you weren't good enough for her. She is playing with you.

I know I should go with option #3, but ya know, stupid, stupid feelings.


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## High Plains Drifter

Do the right thing, man. You already know what that is. I know you do and I know you're going to be SO much better off. You've already expressed some of the most important facts... that this has happened before, that she has caused significant pain, etc. That's no damn way to proceed with a valid relationship and you know it. Seems like you're already strong enough and conscious enough of all that''s genuinely toxic here. Toxic sh!t sucks the life out of you over time. "Don't look back", man. 

Oh and... Women ( men too) are SO good at disguising things so I wouldn't take a whole lot of solace in anything that she says atm.


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## Maybrick

AlexCorriveau said:


> So my ex girlfriend dumped me 2 weeks ago. On the last days of the relationship, she changed drasticly. She gave the lowest amount of f***s someone ever gave me. I've never seen someone not caring like that. She dodged me on every occasion. She was seeing a "friend" of her, with who she likes to paint and do art stuff. No matter how many times she told me he is just a long time friend she always hung out with, I had my doubts. She unfortunately left her facebook account open when I came home for lunch break. I read their conversations. They were more than just "flirty". Dirty, really dirty sex talk. There is a slight chance they were only joking because they're close friends but I'm 99% sure she cheated on me with him. She left me, she asked me to take all my stuff and get out. I told her that it's fine if she doesn't want to be with me anymore, but I asked her that we don't talk or see each other for a long time so I can move on and forget about her. That's how I deal with my breakups.
> 
> She was getting along with one of my best friend when we were together. A few days ago, she told him she misses me very much, that she cries every night and pass in front of my house before her night shifts hoping to see me. That I'm a wonderful man and she regrets everything. She also tried to text me, which I just made a quick reponse making it clear that I'm not interested in talking.
> 
> My inner self is giving me 3 options
> 
> 1#: get in her face, tell how you feel, get the answer you want. If she is really sincere, maybe consider giving her another chance and go back with her, because you still love her so much and she gave you the best relationship you ever had when you were together. Maybe she made a mistake and she truely cares about you.
> 
> 2#: same as above, but instead, tell her to f**k off and just keep her as a friend at best.
> 
> 3#: don't talk to her. Ignore everything she textes you. Never speak to her again. This is not the first time you are in pain because of her. You deserve better, it doesn't matter if she left you because you weren't good enough for her. She is playing with you.
> 
> I know I should go with option #3, but ya know, stupid, stupid feelings.



In my humble opinion, shes cheated on you and now just feels guilty.

If this is the case (which I'm willing to bet it is - it explains the sudden change in attitude towards you as shes just pretty much ignoring you) then I can't stress enough how you need to cut her out and just move on. Dont keep her as a friend - friends treat you with respect and she hasn't shown you any.

Please, please dont get angry with her or rage at her as she really isn't worth mustering up that energy for. I've been in the same situation and it just got me no where. I wanted to make her feel sh*tty like I felt but in hindsight if I completely blanked her and showed I didn't care then that would ultimately make her feel worse. To see someone (you) move on so easily and just not be phased about it will make her think "How can he move on so quickly? Did he not care about me?".

I know you'll want to say "How could you do this to me because I love you so much" etc but I can't stress enough that it never works, never gets you anywhere and is just a waste of your time and energy.

I say this as one of my closest friends broke up with his gf about 2 weeks ago from near enough exactly the same situation.


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## MrBouleDeBowling

Holy hell, I was quite intoxicated when I wrote that.

Thanks for the imput guys.


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## Maybrick

I am the liquor


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## blacai

I moved three years ago to Germany.
After some not-serious girlfriends here I met a Spanish girl(I am also Spanish) and we went together to a concert.

First time in these three years I felt something, although when nothing special happened, just talking.

It looks like a lack of communication skills(I do speak German, but not fluently..) made all others relations here hard to maintain and I couldn't be myself and talk in a normal way.


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## AngstRiddenDreams

It's over. Basically an "I love you but I'm not in love with you" situation.


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## ThePIGI King

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> It's over. Basically an "I love you but I'm not in love with you" situation.



 I hope you reach inner peace from this as quickly as possible. It really sucks man. To a speedy recovery.


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## AngstRiddenDreams

Thanks man. I live in a frat and I've found my friends here are incredibly supportive. I'm grateful for them.


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## ftr

ghkjghjgkjk


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## ftr

fghfhjgfhjhjghkh


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## ftr

actually, i am ....ing done. how do i delete my posts?


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## TheHandOfStone

ftr said:


> actually, i am ....ing done. how do i delete my posts?


AFAIK you can't delete them yourself (so just edit everything out or message a mod). Oh, and hang in there! Chances are you're feeling the worst right now if you just had a "meltdown." You'll probably feel a lot better shortly (even if you're not really happy).

If you think you're depressed, there's only so much talking to strangers on the internet can do. I'd recommend seeing a therapist (if you can afford it), or at least having a read through this (written by a psychiatrist).


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## High Plains Drifter

ftr said:


> actually, i am ....ing done. how do i delete my posts?



Dude... just listen. 

I know man. I truly recognize what you're feeling and what you've felt. I know you don't want to read much if anything right now. No problem... but if you would at some point read this: 

Much of our lives... for so many of us, we spend feeling alone and/ or alienated. I'm not trivializing how you feel and I'm not trying to bridge a comparison. I'm just saying... it does suck ass sometimes. And sometimes it's for extended periods of time. Life is a constant battle to achieve some degree of solace... that you're NOT alone, that you are appreciated, and that you deserve validation. Loneliness comes in so many forms... physical as well as emotional and even spiritual in some instances. You're going to have to endure some bullsh!t but it's worth it. I know it's not as if you might really care about some possible future relationship, or epiphany, or breakthrough. None of that matters right now because none of that IS happening right now for you. But we're all here on this planet for a short time and despite all the messed up, lonely, unfair, exhausting, depressing crap... it's still a pretty damn sweet deal to have even ever been given the chance to experience it all... the whole damn freak-show. We could have never been born, or been born into some sort of life where we never even had the opportunity... to make love, or laugh, or articulately express emotion, or hear insanely awesome music, or play a bad-ass guitar for hours on end... so much man.. so much to life, to living, to learning, and to moving forward. It's a messed up ride, man... but it's an extraordinary ride too. Keep venting, keep writing, keep crying, keep expressing yourself. But don't hurt yourself and don't think for a minute that there aren't millions of other people out there right now... whether happy/ sad, content/ lost, in a relationship or not.... proving that it's worth it to keep searching and to keep trying. We just never know what's around the bend next. Hang in there, man.


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## Genome




----------



## asher

ftr:



I'm not going to say you need to see a _doctor_, but I honestly highly encourage you to _try_ finding a professional. They're just better equipped than we are. And yes, it might take a few to find one you get along with.

Hang in there, this will pass.


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## ftr

thanks guys. if i never discussed my feelings here it would of been a lot harder than it already was. i am grateful you guys have kept giving me great advice instead of saying ''just get over it'', or something like that. if someone could delete those posts i wanted deleted that would be great.


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## High Plains Drifter

ftr- 

Just always try to remember that it's like this for all of us. We all struggle at time with this same thing. I've personally been with girls in relationships and at the same time felt totally alone and there have been other times in my life when not even in a relationship, that with the support and correspondence of others... I felt completely fulfilled and appreciated. That support, friendship, love, etc... sometimes only happens in short bursts... sometimes it lasts longer... and yet sometimes it's so hard to even recognize. Sometimes what we have is enough and sometimes we need more but very very few people go throughout their entire lives with complete solace. And I'm not sure that having a lifetime of constant and unwavering love and support is necessarily the best thing, because through those times of struggle, and loneliness, and heartache is where our character and strength is formed. Despite the fact that we all generally want to be happy and content, pain is actually a necessity. Life is a complexity of emotions and experiences... some seemingly good and some seemingly bad. But that "good" and "bad" are not always so easily distinguished nor are we always correct about which is which. That's a genuinely cool thing about love, and learning, and life. It is the negative, the bad, the despairingly painful events that allow us or force us to truly appreciate the fantastic things. Embrace them when you have them because nothing should be taken for granted, nor should any aspect of emotion be anticipated to last a lifetime. You've got support right now. It may not be exactly the kind of support that you want but it is there for you. No matter how you feel or have felt... you are not so much alone as it might sometimes seem. Cheers to you.


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## ftr

yesterday, i decided to stop having a grudge with facebook and finally put a picture of myself on there again. it felt good. so, this morning i noticed that my ex deleted me. why would she do that? me and her are the same with facebook, so i guess she was not expecting me to post anything. is she upset that it looks like i have moved on? i guess she is still not over me and it hurts her to be reminded of me. i am not that hurt by this. i am actually getting some weird satisfaction from it. what do you guys think?


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## blacai

ftr said:


> yesterday, i decided to stop having a grudge with facebook and finally put a picture of myself on there again. it felt good. so, this morning i noticed that my ex deleted me. why would she do that? me and her are the same way with facebook, so i guess she was not expecting me to post something. is she upset that it looks like i have moved on? i guess she is still not over me and it hurts her to be reminded of me, and me adding a bunch of girls all of the sudden lol. also, i am not that hurt by this and i actually think i am finally getting over her now. i don't know, having your ex delete you on facebook only until you post something makes you feel like you've won and they still miss you. what do you guess think?



I think it is not a matter of who's won...
Just continue your life and let the other part do the same.


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## Alberto7

ftr said:


> yesterday, i decided to stop having a grudge with facebook and finally put a picture of myself on there again. it felt good. so, this morning i noticed that my ex deleted me. why would she do that? me and her are the same with facebook, so i guess she was not expecting me to post anything. is she upset that it looks like i have moved on? i guess she is still not over me and it hurts her to be reminded of me. i am not that hurt by this. i am actually getting some weird satisfaction from it. what do you guys think?



I think it doesn't matter whether she's sad, angry, happy, or indifferent about you. The way to healing is learning how not to give a f*ck, and that really only comes with acceptance, which in turn comes only with time. Experience also helps, but God knows I don't want to garner any more experience than I already have when it comes to this. 

If anything, it's a good thing you don't have her on Facebook anymore. You don't have that temptation anymore.

I will repeat what I have (rather hypocritically) said several times before on this thread: social media is the devil. I've been phasing it out recently, only using it when I need to communicate with someone, and I feel a lot less pressure and I'm easier on myself.


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## RevelGTR

I always find it remarkable how upset I am when things end with someone, and then how little I care a few months later. To everyone going through that kind of thing now, it sucks now, but it will get so much better. I'm sure that provides you zero solace right now, but trust me.


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## ftr

i am glad to see someone else who feels the same way about it. i would like to hear more of why you hate it. it sucks, because i kind of feel like i have to use it if i want to better my social life, which i don't really think it would. i took all of my pictures off, hid all of my friends from my feed, even my best friends, and just used it for messaging and news for a while. i am using it to get myself out there and try to find another girlfriend.


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## High Plains Drifter

ftr said:


> i am glad to see someone else who feels the same way about it. i would like to hear more of why you hate it. it sucks, because i kind of feel like i have to use it if i want to better my social life, which i don't really think it would. i took all of my pictures off, hid all of my friends from my feed, even my best friends, and just used it for messaging and news for a while. i am using it to get myself out there and try to find another girlfriend.




Well... A "better social life" is not directly related to ridding yourself of social media. Rather... for someone that has become overly dependent upon FB or other forms of social media, the often undisciplined need hinders their true social development and interaction because that person in a way, unrealistically allows their own self-worth to become affected by the judgement, opinions, actions, etc... of others. It's easy to become emotionally invested to an unhealthy degree. It's just like any other addiction where perception becomes quite skewed. One's "hatred" of FB is generally a result of the eventual realization that they have become much too reliant and invested in what other people are doing, posting, saying, etc... and subsequently losing sight of true/ real-life interaction. So what someone may classify as a "helping hand" in their social development, may actually become a hindrance. Simplified... social media is not real life.


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## Seybsnilksz

So there's a girl, right. I only spoke to her briefly when she sat next to me and a group of friends last summer on a night out. I didn't think anything special back then, and no one was hitting on anyone that night as far as I know (I actually had the Darth Maul painting on). However, she goes to the same university as me, so after getting a few glimpses when going out I'm starting to find her interesting. I remember that she was calm and down to earth, and I don't even have to tell you what I think of her looks.

I've been thinking about trying to spark a conversation the next time I spot her, and I may have recently read a book called "Alla får ligga" (Swedish for "Everybody gets laid"). It is not a book only about sex, but rather a book about how to get better at social interactions that may lead to friendships, sex, kissing etc. and having the right attitude (not putting too much weight into failure and so on). I feel that I understand more from reading it, and I am actually rather excited to try some of the things out.

However, for some reason I have Tinder, and I saw her profile on it today. I have no idea wether I should swipe right and start a conversation there (provided she does the same of course), or if I should wait and try in real life. I'm afraid that chatting on Tinder, missing the eye contact and body language and stuff, could mess up my chances and make things less exciting. What do you guys think?


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## High Plains Drifter

Seybsnilksz said:


> So there's a girl, right. I only spoke to her briefly when she sat next to me and a group of friends last summer on a night out. I didn't think anything special back then, and no one was hitting on anyone that night as far as I know (I actually had the Darth Maul painting on). However, she goes to the same university as me, so after getting a few glimpses when going out I'm starting to find her interesting. I remember that she was calm and down to earth, and I don't even have to tell you what I think of her looks.
> 
> I've been thinking about trying to spark a conversation the next time I spot her, and I may have recently read a book called "Alla får ligga" (Swedish for "Everybody gets laid"). It is not a book only about sex, but rather a book about how to get better at social interactions that may lead to friendships, sex, kissing etc. and having the right attitude (not putting too much weight into failure and so on). I feel that I understand more from reading it, and I am actually rather excited to try some of the things out.
> 
> However, for some reason I have Tinder, and I saw her profile on it today. I have no idea wether I should swipe right and start a conversation there (provided she does the same of course), or if I should wait and try in real life. I'm afraid that chatting on Tinder, missing the eye contact and body language and stuff, could mess up my chances and make things less exciting. What do you guys think?



Like I need to post more on this forum. But still this one speaks to me to some degree, so anyway... 

The biggest problem I used to have was if a woman wanted to chat. I cannot type fast the way that others do. And it doesn't take much to slow me down even more... a word I can't spell, adding a weird emoticon, multiple chat conversations, etc. So in that regard I felt much more comfortable talking on the phone ( if applicable). 

Also- I have a really "dry" sense of humor so there's a whole lot of my intended conveyance that doesn't come across correctly or at all. Those things I found to be a hindrance as well. I still think that others take me the wrong way sometimes because there's just so much subtlety that is lost ( can be lost) when communicating online. 

That's where I'm at with what you've said. If you think that vital dynamics will be lost or mis-communicated on Tinder then probably best to take it to a setting that is more natural or makes you feel as if certain social aspects won't be lost. Anyway... Good luck. Hope that you've found a winner.


----------



## Alberto7

ftr said:


> i am glad to see someone else who feels the same way about it. i would like to hear more of why you hate it. it sucks, because i kind of feel like i have to use it if i want to better my social life, which i don't really think it would. i took all of my pictures off, hid all of my friends from my feed, even my best friends, and just used it for messaging and news for a while. i am using it to get myself out there and try to find another girlfriend.



High Plains pretty much generalized it for me.

In my experience, social media is basically like a measuring stick that my subconscious uses to compare me with the rest of the world. The problem is, the most visible people on social media (the ones that post tons of seemingly cool pictures), are conveying and exaggerating only one side of them; the side that THEY want to convey. It's a side that they may feel other people will envy, or look up to. And it works, honestly, even if on a subconscious level. Sometimes I find myself feeling jealous of the things other people have accomplished in life that I haven't.

However, from my dealings with said people, and having grown pretty close to a lot of them, once I get to know them for who they are, I realize what a false sense of security and confidence they convey online, but just how vulnerable and actually relatable they are in real life. They're regular people with regular-people problems, just like you and me. Some of them, (a lot of them, if not most, I'd say) do this as a means to compensate for whatever they feel is lacking from their own lives. In turn, I compare myself to something that is false. There is so much of this "fakeness" concentrated on Facebook and Instagram (particularly the latter, I feel, which I have refused to have an account with so far) that I find myself almost obsessively measuring my 'failures' to other people's 'successes' in life. That makes me feel really sh*tty. It's one sh*tty trait of human nature (compensating for our own deficiencies) enabling and even feeding the negative side of another double-edged human trait. (The unconscious and very natural need to compare ourselves to others.) And it's funny, because, looking back, it's not like I haven't had my own fun, or rejoiced in my own accomplishments. In other words, I know I've been super lucky in life and I really don't have that much to envy, but I just don't feel that way most of the time.

Again, there's nothing wrong with being a little fake here and there, or with measuring our lives against others' lives, but I feel like social media amplifies this to very unhealthy and psychologically damaging levels.

Of course, there are MANY positives aspects to social media, and I acknowledge them, but they weren't the main topic of my post. There are times in my life where its positive aspects do NOT outweigh the negatives, and so I need to flush it out a little for some time. It is such a time right now.

I've restricted my use of Facebook to only checking it when I get a direct notification (someone tags me on a picture, leaves a comment on my wall, etc., none of which happen that often anyway) and sending private messages, which is really the main use I give it atm. And then there's Snapchat, but I barely count it, since I don't find it as mentally damaging and/or addictive as other platforms, and I only use it with my closest friends.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Texted my fiance at work: "You wanna touch my unfinished haeadstock when you get home?" 

and she apparently took that the wrong way...


----------



## NicePants

High Plains Drifter said:


> Texted my fiance at work: "You wanna touch my unfinished haeadstock when you get home?"
> 
> and she apparently took that the wrong way...



Should've told her your rosewood needed oiling.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

NicePants said:


> Should've told her your rosewood needed oiling.



lol... ZING! 

I was so caught up in this project ( old Duo Sonic restoration) that when I texted her, it was really what I meant! lol. But man... as soon as I hit "send" I knew that what I said might get taken the wrong way lol. 

In fact... just went back and re-read the text. I said "You really need to feel this head-stock when you get home later!" lmao... Whoops!


----------



## blacai

High Plains Drifter said:


> Texted my fiance at work: "You wanna touch my unfinished haeadstock when you get home?"
> 
> and she apparently took that the wrong way...



So you had to play the hardest solo in your life?


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## High Plains Drifter

lol... most my solo's are pretty hard... wait... what?


----------



## Maybrick

Alberto7 said:


> High Plains pretty much generalized it for me.
> 
> In my experience, social media is basically like a measuring stick that my subconscious uses to compare me with the rest of the world. The problem is, the most visible people on social media (the ones that post tons of seemingly cool pictures), are conveying and exaggerating only one side of them; the side that THEY want to convey. It's a side that they may feel other people will envy, or look up to. And it works, honestly, even if on a subconscious level. Sometimes I find myself feeling jealous of the things other people have accomplished in life that I haven't.
> 
> However, from my dealings with said people, and having grown pretty close to a lot of them, once I get to know them for who they are, I realize what a false sense of security and confidence they convey online, but just how vulnerable and actually relatable they are in real life. They're regular people with regular-people problems, just like you and me. Some of them, (a lot of them, if not most, I'd say) do this as a means to compensate for whatever they feel is lacking from their own lives. In turn, I compare myself to something that is false. There is so much of this "fakeness" concentrated on Facebook and Instagram (particularly the latter, I feel, which I have refused to have an account with so far) that I find myself almost obsessively measuring my 'failures' to other people's 'successes' in life. That makes me feel really sh*tty. It's one sh*tty trait of human nature (compensating for our own deficiencies) enabling and even feeding the negative side of another double-edged human trait. (The unconscious and very natural need to compare ourselves to others.) And it's funny, because, looking back, it's not like I haven't had my own fun, or rejoiced in my own accomplishments. In other words, I know I've been super lucky in life and I really don't have that much to envy, but I just don't feel that way most of the time.
> 
> Again, there's nothing wrong with being a little fake here and there, or with measuring our lives against others' lives, but I feel like social media amplifies this to very unhealthy and psychologically damaging levels.
> 
> Of course, there are MANY positives aspects to social media, and I acknowledge them, but they weren't the main topic of my post. There are times in my life where its positive aspects do NOT outweigh the negatives, and so I need to flush it out a little for some time. It is such a time right now.
> 
> I've restricted my use of Facebook to only checking it when I get a direct notification (someone tags me on a picture, leaves a comment on my wall, etc., none of which happen that often anyway) and sending private messages, which is really the main use I give it atm. And then there's Snapchat, but I barely count it, since I don't find it as mentally damaging and/or addictive as other platforms, and I only use it with my closest friends.



I totally agree with everything you just said.

I have been on the verge of deleting my FB account for a while now (I'm one of those people that keeps saying he will but never actually does). I log in a lot but think "Why am I bothering?" as I have so many friends on FB that I simply don't care about.

It sounds strange/horrible but there are quite a few people on my FB account that I really wouldn't give a sh*t about if they had a kid or got married. Quite a few that I've walked past in the street and we've both just blanked each other which seems so surreal to me.

I personally prefer IG to FB only because its less to see. Its less of the "Your friend liked this post" junk, less of the emotionally charged digs/attacks on particular people. Its just an image to see, plus IG is a bit easier for me at filtering out the sh*t as I mainly just follow bands and band members profiles, only a few of my actual friends.

I had a Snapchat account for about a month but hated it with a passion. All I ever got was friends of mine that are girls constantly spamming that they were going to the gym (why the f*ck do people have to do that?) or sending pictures of their god damn cats.

Anyway, sorry to derail the conversation/thread. Had to get that rant off my chest haha.


----------



## ftr

i am talking to a super cool chick on okcupid. she sent me a message saying agalloch rules and we have been messaging, she seems interested in me. the only problem is she lives pretty much an hour away. i wonder if it could work.


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## asher

That's almost nothing. Go for it!


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## High Plains Drifter

ftr said:


> i am talking to a super cool chick on okcupid. she sent me a message saying agalloch rules and we have been messaging, she seems interested in me. the only problem is she lives pretty much an hour away. i wonder if it could work.



Hell yea it could work. If there's enough combined interest and feelings on both sides, then anything can happen. Honestly glad to hear that you're moving along. 

And even if it doesn't go anywhere, it's still another experience that will get you further away from that last train-wreck ( not being harsh... just it wasn't a good thing). Moving forward feels good and communicating with others feels great. You're making necessary strides that will continue to help forge strength and character. Don't obsess over it, try to always consider her side of things, and listen... listen to what she says and how she says it. Don't torment yourself, but utilize clear-thinking and act accordingly. Also don't ever forget... YOU deserve to be heard and to be respected. Never allow anyone to take advantage of you nor neglect your [healthy] needs, desires, and expectations. 

Awesome, dude. Keep posting.


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## ftr

dang, i looked at her profile again. i forgot it says shes queer, i thought it said bi. she is probably just bi and put queer to ward off the douches. it's rare for someone to be completely gay right? this is what my last gf put on her profile and she is straight, or bi.


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## High Plains Drifter

"... rare for someone to be completely gay"

Um... I don't think so. 

May complicate things though lol.


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## Alberto7

Queer doesn't necessarily mean homosexual. As far as I understand it, (though please do correct me if I am wrong) it simply means a deviation from the main socially accepted norm of being cisgender heterosexual. It could be that she's pansexual, polyamorous, gay, bi, transgender, gender-neutral, etc.

I'd say if she's into you and you're comfortable with her being who she is, (which I think ideally you should be, but that discussion is a whole topic in and of itself and I'll leave it for another time) you should go for it.

My only advice in the case that you do go for it, is that you make sure that she's sure of who she is. Some people claim to be something out of necessity (and understandably so, as the world around us has a need to categorize us all the time, even if we don't want to be) when they still haven't finished figuring it out. If, for whatever reason, she decides she's uncomfortable dating a guy in the middle of a relationship, (and I think she's entitled to, as finding out who she is should be priority #1) it's gonna be uncomfortable for everybody involved.

Also, beware if she's poly. Make sure you have no problem with her seeing other people on the side. In this case, absolute transparency and total consent from both parties is 100% a must if things are to work out for more than a day.

TL;DR: do not get romantically involved with anyone whose identity you aren't comfortable with. For your sake AND theirs.


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## kamello

ftr said:


> i am talking to a super cool chick on okcupid. she sent me a message saying agalloch rules and we have been messaging, she seems interested in me. the only problem is she lives pretty much an hour away. i wonder if it could work.



dude I live an hour away from my University, and 2-3 hours from all my friends and family, it can definitely work


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## UnderTheSign

An hour isn't that much. My gf is 1,5-2 hours Away depending on what day I go there (busses on the weekend have different timetables). Go there in the morning, leave in the evening or hey, spend the night  you could also just meet up somewhere halfway.


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## asher

My girlfriend in high school (lol) was an hour away, but we also went to different schools - so it could be, at worst, a month without being able to actually see each other. Started before either of us could drive and went over three and a half years. 

I don't know where you are, so what transit options exist if you can't drive I don't know, but it's still not a big deal.


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## vividox

My commute to work every day is 1 hour... LOL.


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## ftr

I told her we should go hiking and she said she would definitely love that. Now we are trying to figure out a good time. I hope it works out.


----------



## ThePIGI King

So, about a month-two months ago, a coworker of mine gave my number to a girl in his grade because she was date-less for prom, and she had seen me around and knew a little about me but never had talked to me before. I'm homeschooled, and moved here about five years ago, so I don't really know very many people my age, other than the few I've met through other people I know from my job or basketball. So, she and I started texting, and we eventually met up one day for a little while because she wanted to. So, not long after talking to her face to face, she decided that I was sane enough for her to ask me to prom. I, clearly, accepted, which is why I'm here. We've been talking basically non-stop, and are going out to the movies and dinner and hanging out practically all day tomorrow. Well, my coworker told me yesterday that she's crazy about me. I'm a little skeptic on his view, because when I talk to her, she plays it very cool, and laughs about how my friends call her my 'girlfriend', saying we're simply going to prom, nothing more. I don't know which way to believe, if she really is crazy about me, or is just wanting a date to the dance. I've never really been social with women before, and I've had very minimal dating experience, with both my prior relationships ending badly (getting cheated on, being used to get her ex back, etc.), so I'm kinda weary about getting attached to this girl, especially if she doesn't want anything else besides for me to go to prom with her.

I tend to overthink a lot of things, and I dwell on the most unpleasant thoughts, which isn't helping very much. I also get attached to girls very easily, and have a hard time letting go. I do indeed get along with this girl, we have a fair bit in common, and she is pretty easy going, and flirty and friendly. But I'm getting to a crossroad where I don't know whether to pursue a relationship, or to just go to prom and then be done. Do you think I'm thinking too much into it?

tl;dr - I am going to prom with a girl I barely know, her friend says she is crazy about me, but she plays it cool. She's also going to the movies with me tomorrow. What's going on?


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Get it.


----------



## ThePIGI King

High Plains Drifter said:


> Get it.





I was expecting a different answer, but it's good to see that I should go after a relationship.

EDIT: Is it sad to say the best dating advice I've ever gotten has been two words on an internet forum about guitars?


----------



## Alberto7

Just go with it man. You meet this girl just because she wanted a prom date, but she agrees to go with you to the movies before you even go to the ball together? And you guys get along well? Seems like she's just getting you all thawed up to cook you up real well at prom and make it a proper date.  Nah, kidding, don't take that too seriously, but you have enough reason to at least go with the flow and try to make it happen!

Gotta go with High Plains advice here: Get it.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

lol...


----------



## ThePIGI King

So today was the day I was supposed to go to the movies and hang out with that girl. Apparently, her parents grounded her from going anywhere for the weekend...I can see two possibilities here:

1) She was grounded - simple
2) She didn't want to go out with me, but didn't want to shut me down last minute, so she lied about getting grounded

I can't tell yet which one it is... she seems to text less, both in frequency and in contribution to the conversation. Maybe I'm just overthinking again, but I'm starting to feel like she's just gonna use me for prom, then forget about me.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

Two months and we are wearing kiss makeup and watching video nasties. Sheeeit.


----------



## blacai

-


----------



## ThePIGI King

...Aaaaand I quit. Next time I'm in this thread, I'll be offering advice. If I'm back in here _asking _for advice any time before May of 2017, just tell me to go away  I'm done dating and trying...for as long as I can. I hate the dating scene where I live.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

ThePIGI King said:


> ...Aaaaand I quit. Next time I'm in this thread, I'll be offering advice.



Unbiased and not bitter I'm pretty sure. 

j/k... you know. Sucks man. I feel for my best bud here in this town too. This place is brutal... no scene unless you wanna drive all over the place in Austin. Can't believe I'm not stuck out too like my bro. I should be prob but got lucky I guess. Yea dude... I know that damn feeling. Hope your back up soon.


----------



## Maybrick

ThePIGI King said:


> So today was the day I was supposed to go to the movies and hang out with that girl. Apparently, her parents grounded her from going anywhere for the weekend...I can see two possibilities here:
> 
> 1) She was grounded - simple
> 2) She didn't want to go out with me, but didn't want to shut me down last minute, so she lied about getting grounded
> 
> I can't tell yet which one it is... she seems to text less, both in frequency and in contribution to the conversation. Maybe I'm just overthinking again, but I'm starting to feel like she's just gonna use me for prom, then forget about me.



One rule I've adopted with girls and dating is that if they dont offer you an alternative then just move on. If I was dating a girl and we had plans then I had to cancel for a genuine reason, I'd say something like "I can't do tomorrow night because of XYZ reason, are you free the day after instead?" as it obviously shows I still want to meet.

If someone just says "Can't meet, I'm busy" and doesnt offer you a follow up date then screw them and move on


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Maybrick said:


> One rule I've adopted with girls and dating is that if they dont offer you an alternative then just move on. If I was dating a girl and we had plans then I had to cancel for a genuine reason, I'd say something like "I can't do tomorrow night because of XYZ reason, are you free the day after instead?" as it obviously shows I still want to meet.
> 
> If someone just says "Can't meet, I'm busy" and doesnt offer you a follow up date then screw them and move on


Sometimes,that doesn't work out either.I had a chick tell me she was busy with a club and homework(etc.),and she gave me an alternate date.However,she decided to cop out when it came time.


----------



## Force

ThePIGI King said:


> ...Aaaaand I quit. Next time I'm in this thread, I'll be offering advice. If I'm back in here _asking _for advice any time before May of 2017, just tell me to go away  I'm done dating and trying...for as long as I can. I hate the dating scene where I live.



Smart move, I gave up years ago, it's been great without the added pressure of someone else's dramas. Not to say this is how we all should be, just that if you're like me & prefer life with less complications, then go solo.


----------



## Maybrick

Obsidian Soul said:


> Sometimes,that doesn't work out either.I had a chick tell me she was busy with a club and homework(etc.),and she gave me an alternate date.However,she decided to cop out when it came time.



Yeah of course, its not fool proof but just a good rule of thumb.


----------



## russmuller

How many times do I need to learn the lesson that I should trust my instincts?

I tried to break things off cleanly, but she made a very rational and well formed argument that she was open to less serious arrangements. We gave that a go for about 2.5 weeks... It was a trap. I should have trusted my gut and my assessment that having me around would only hurt her more. C'est la vie.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Yep... I even cocked my head a little when I had read your post that you were going to continue under "less intimate" terms. I thought "man that doesn't sound like him. Sounds like he's allowing himself to be manipulated or just taking a bit of an easier road"... something like that anyway. 

Obviously you are a man of great integrity. It drips from everything that you post on here. It seemed out of your character that you didn't [seemingly] stick to your guns. 

Hope that it all works out, man... and that you and she both will find more tranquil waters whichever direction your ships sail... be they together or apart. Much respect, russmuller.


----------



## UnderTheSign

russmuller said:


> How many times do I need to learn the lesson that I should trust my instincts?
> 
> I tried to break things off cleanly, but she made a very rational and well formed argument that she was open to less serious arrangements. We gave that a go for about 2.5 weeks... It was a trap. I should have trusted my gut and my assessment that having me around would only hurt her more. C'est la vie.


I guess she told herself that it would work out that way and maybe she hoped to be able to change your mind. I get why she suggested it but I agree with Drifter, it was bound to go wrong.

Glad you're making the right decisions though man. In the end, it's what's best for both of you.


----------



## MFB

russmuller said:


> How many times do I need to learn the lesson that I should trust my instincts?
> 
> I tried to break things off cleanly, but she made a very rational and well formed argument that she was open to less serious arrangements. We gave that a go for about 2.5 weeks... It was a trap. I should have trusted my gut and my assessment that having me around would only hurt her more. C'est la vie.



She's so nice, you had to dump her twice.


----------



## TedEH

I'm hesitant to post anything 'cause I like to keep personal issues personal, but every once in a while asking for some advice isn't so bad right? 

Going to try to be vague in case anyone "from the real world" sees this, but here's the rough situation:

I've been spending a significant amount of time with one of my oldest friends lately. She's a wonderful lady, we have a lot in common, etc., which is great. I really like this lady, I always have. It's the kind of deal where you spend a bunch of time convincing yourself to move on and think about other people, but then the next time you're just hanging out or something, you kinda fall for her all over again. Sure, it's lame and sappy, but you can't control how you feel sometimes. She was my old high school "crush", which never went anywhere until recently. 

She recently (almost three months ago) left someone she's been with for almost 9 years. It's completely over, I have no doubts of that. We were both drunk and chatting online a while ago and I drunkenly suggested I'd be interested in a date, to which she said she thought it was a bad idea. No problem, I understand, it's too soon. Since then we ended up spending a bunch of time together anyway-more and more time is spent together until she's coming out to all our shows, coming along for roadtrips and out of town shows with the bands. Things start to escalate- I won't elaborate, but it's safe to say that my friends, family, bandmates, etc. all think we're on the way to becoming a couple at this point.

Now this all sounds good- and don't get me wrong, lots of it is. But the problem is that we've talked about all this a few times, and concluded that it's not something serious. No titles. No commitments. I want it to be serious and she doesn't, and she knows that. First off, yeh, I get that this could just be a weird rebound situation, and that's not good news for me. Also, she has a lot of plans, including wanting to move out of the country and is worried that getting involved with someone will ruin those plans.

At the last show we played, she was helping us with loadout and someone shouted at her "I would never make my girlfriend carry my gear!" to which her response was a very adamant "I'm nobody's girlfriend!" The car ride back was awkward.

Some days I'm happy with this arrangement though. I'd much rather enjoy the company while I can and recognize that it's going to end (maybe painfully) eventually rather than miss out. But other days I'm really concerned that I'm setting myself (and her) up for some serious heartbreak. When I think of the possible outcomes, most of the options don't look good. She could resent me for ruining her plans. She could move away and I'd never see her again. I could regret cutting things off instead of seeing it through.

So, am I crazy to keep doing what I've been doing, or would I be crazy not to?


----------



## russmuller

TedEH said:


> Some days I'm happy with this arrangement though. I'd much rather enjoy the company while I can and recognize that it's going to end (maybe painfully) eventually rather than miss out. But other days I'm really concerned that I'm setting myself (and her) up for some serious heartbreak. When I think of the possible outcomes, most of the options don't look good. She could resent me for ruining her plans. She could move away and I'd never see her again. I could regret cutting things off instead of seeing it through.
> 
> So, am I crazy to keep doing what I've been doing, or would I be crazy not to?



Man.... that's a pickle. I've got a girl like that. She was difficult to get over, the fun and chemistry is off the charts, and it re-ignites my feelings every time I see her (which is rare, for many reasons). So I can sympathize with you from that standpoint. If I had a chance to be with her, I don't know if there's anything I wouldn't do.

Honestly, if she's just a few months out of a 9-year relationship, she might just not be ready to commit to ANYTHING at this stage. I'm a little over a year past a 5 1/2 relationship and it took a few months before I was willing to even look for anything else. When I did get involved with someone, I quickly found myself feeling uncomfortable and wanted out.

I'm sure those personal details only make things more complicated, but my guess is that she'd be uncomfortable putting definitions on any relationship at this point. This may coast naturally and gently into love on its own, but I doubt she wants to commit to titles or expectations about the future. If it were me, I'd probably just ride along and take what I can get until I reached a breaking point where I'd need to ask where it's headed, or if she feels the same way I do. I doubt the wisdom of that approach, but I'd guess that such a conversation would produce different outcomes depending on the timing. Too soon and she might be scared off; a bit later and she might be out of the "I don't want to be tied down" phase of relationship recovery.


----------



## asher

Force said:


> Smart move, I gave up years ago, it's been great without the added pressure of someone else's dramas. Not to say this is how we all should be, just that if you're like me & prefer life with less complications, then go solo.



Would that I could get to that state.


----------



## p0ke

TedEH said:


> I'm hesitant to post anything 'cause I like to keep personal issues personal, but every once in a while asking for some advice isn't so bad right?
> 
> Going to try to be vague in case anyone "from the real world" sees this, but here's the rough situation:
> 
> I've been spending a significant amount of time with one of my oldest friends lately. She's a wonderful lady, we have a lot in common, etc., which is great. I really like this lady, I always have. It's the kind of deal where you spend a bunch of time convincing yourself to move on and think about other people, but then the next time you're just hanging out or something, you kinda fall for her all over again. Sure, it's lame and sappy, but you can't control how you feel sometimes. She was my old high school "crush", which never went anywhere until recently.
> 
> She recently (almost three months ago) left someone she's been with for almost 9 years. It's completely over, I have no doubts of that. We were both drunk and chatting online a while ago and I drunkenly suggested I'd be interested in a date, to which she said she thought it was a bad idea. No problem, I understand, it's too soon. Since then we ended up spending a bunch of time together anyway-more and more time is spent together until she's coming out to all our shows, coming along for roadtrips and out of town shows with the bands. Things start to escalate- I won't elaborate, but it's safe to say that my friends, family, bandmates, etc. all think we're on the way to becoming a couple at this point.
> 
> Now this all sounds good- and don't get me wrong, lots of it is. But the problem is that we've talked about all this a few times, and concluded that it's not something serious. No titles. No commitments. I want it to be serious and she doesn't, and she knows that. First off, yeh, I get that this could just be a weird rebound situation, and that's not good news for me. Also, she has a lot of plans, including wanting to move out of the country and is worried that getting involved with someone will ruin those plans.
> 
> At the last show we played, she was helping us with loadout and someone shouted at her "I would never make my girlfriend carry my gear!" to which her response was a very adamant "I'm nobody's girlfriend!" The car ride back was awkward.
> 
> Some days I'm happy with this arrangement though. I'd much rather enjoy the company while I can and recognize that it's going to end (maybe painfully) eventually rather than miss out. But other days I'm really concerned that I'm setting myself (and her) up for some serious heartbreak. When I think of the possible outcomes, most of the options don't look good. She could resent me for ruining her plans. She could move away and I'd never see her again. I could regret cutting things off instead of seeing it through.
> 
> So, am I crazy to keep doing what I've been doing, or would I be crazy not to?



Been there, done that. I just kept going until the whole thing imploded  We're still friends on facebook, but apart from that there hasn't been any contact in almost two years. I haven't even seen her anywhere since the last time we went to a show together, but I have a feeling it's gonna be very akward if I ever do. 
What would I have done differently given the choice? I wouldn't have tried to force the whole thing into a relationship and just had fun instead. I already knew nothing was gonna happen after a few months of hanging out, but I still kept going for several years. Luckily my current girlfriend talked me out of it and I realized I was tricking myself into believing anything would ever happen. I also realized later that our values were very different, and she definitely isn't the kind of person I'd introduce to my parents etc.


----------



## TedEH

russmuller said:


> Man.... that's a pickle. [...] I'd probably just ride along and take what I can get until I reached a breaking point where I'd need to ask where it's headed, or if she feels the same way I do.



You've hit on a lot of how I'm trying to look at it. I said something vague in another thread a while ago about how I want to respond to this situation with a very simple outlook, and that's just it: I'm enjoying the time right now, and I want to keep enjoying that time, just let it be what it is. When it ends (if? ...probably when), I'll need to just accept it, step back and appreciate it for what it was. I think we're both capable of being adults and dealing with the consequences of our actions, good or bad. I'm going to miss her whenever she moves, but that would have happened anyway.

I think the best thing for me to do is to just stop putting any pressure on anything. Don't pressure her to do anything she doesn't want. Don't pressure myself to make something more of the situation than what it is. Relax. Enjoy. Think about other things. Appreciate all the little ways she's improving my life for now. Maybe I can turn all this into some cheesy lyrics or something.  If I step back and really think about it, things are pretty good. I think I just needed a couple o days to process things and get it out of my system. Maybe it's really a non-issue right now.

I fully recognize also that I don't have a whole ton of things going on in my life right now, so that leaves me with a lot of time to over-analyze things like this, make mountains from molehills etc. Need to spend more time with the guitars and less time worrying for worryings sake.



> I also realized later that our values were very different, and she definitely isn't the kind of person I'd introduce to my parents etc.



That's part of the process I think. There's so much you learn about a person when you start spending a more significant amount of time together. The trick is not to convince yourself that there are no differences when there clearly are. I've definitely dated some people I would never introduce my parents to. For what it's worth, this particular lady is an old friend (13+ years maybe?), and we know eachothers families already, have a lot of mutual friends, etc.


----------



## BlackMastodon

TedEH said:


> I think the best thing for me to do is to just stop putting any pressure on anything. Don't pressure her to do anything she doesn't want. Don't pressure myself to make something more of the situation than what it is. Relax. Enjoy. Think about other things. Appreciate all the little ways she's improving my life for now.


All of this. If she doesn't want a relationship (understandable since she's still relatively fresh out of a 9 year one), then don't push it. Nothing wrong with being casual and fooling around and just having fun, but ultimately you have to accept that and stick to that since you said you were leaning towards a relationship. If she's gonna be moving out of the country, then that's just another reason why you shouldn't get too emotionally invested in a concrete relationship. Just relax, go with the flow, and enjoy life. You'll look back on these days and smile at all the fun you had. Much better than the heartbreak and emotional fallout that could come out of pushing for a relationship and forcing something she isn't after.


----------



## TedEH

You guys are right. It's one of those "the answer is obvious but you gatta hear it from someone else" kind of deals.


----------



## cult

Yesterday marked the day that I'm living together with my GF for 2 years.
We had our ups and downs but it's going quite well I suppose


----------



## blacai

cult said:


> Yesterday marked the day that I'm living together with my GF for 2 years.
> We had our ups and downs but it's going quite well I suppose



Does she have nice "metäl" friends? I am open to meet people


----------



## cult

Haha she used to be into metal long before we met.
Now she's more into singer / songwriter stuff and some occasional Foo Fighters and the likes. It's fine with me 

We don't agree about music, but we agree in a lot of other stuff.

For meeting women who are into metal in the area around Frankfurt, it's pretty much a real disappointment.


----------



## blacai

cult said:


> Haha she used to be into metal long before we met.
> Now she's more into singer / songwriter stuff and some occasional Foo Fighters and the likes. It's fine with me
> 
> We don't agree about music, but we agree in a lot of other stuff.
> 
> For meeting women who are into metal in the area around Frankfurt, it's pretty much a real disappointment.



That's important. I don't need them to enjoy the same music I do, but at least she could come with me to some concerts... :/

You have a friend's request from me, we need to do business


----------



## cult

Already accepted!


----------



## TedEH

blacai said:


> That's important. I don't need them to enjoy the same music I do, but at least she could come with me to some concerts... :/



Man, I've been spending time with this lady that's been coming out to shows- not just cause "It's your show, so I gatta go to support you", but cause she legit wants to go. Stands close to the stage, has some solid commentary after each set, stays for the headliners, headbanging, etc. Not a metalhead, but you know how some people say "I like all music" and you don't believe them? This time I believe it. I need more people like that in my life.


----------



## blacai

TedEH said:


> Man, I've been spending time with this lady that's been coming out to shows- not just cause "It's your show, so I gatta go to support you", but cause she legit wants to go. Stands close to the stage, has some solid commentary after each set, stays for the headliners, headbanging, etc. Not a metalhead, but you know how some people say "I like all music" and you don't believe them? This time I believe it. I need more people like that in my life.



That's cool. I met some girls they find it nice but then they just change in a couple of months and the "be an adult man and behave so" is their favorite song


----------



## NicePants

TedEH said:


> Man, I've been spending time with this lady that's been coming out to shows- not just cause "It's your show, so I gatta go to support you", but cause she legit wants to go. Stands close to the stage, has some solid commentary after each set, stays for the headliners, headbanging, etc. Not a metalhead, but you know how some people say "I like all music" and you don't believe them? This time I believe it. I need more people like that in my life.



You know what you must do.


----------



## Alex Kenivel

Marriage + baby = no sex


----------



## ThePIGI King

Well, I already knew that this girl was not going to be a thing for me, but last night I experienced Prom for the first time, and it was with the girl I posted about previously.

Basically, we got there, got pics taken (that kinda sucked), and actually entered the dance. Instead of dancing with me, she starts just messing around with some friends, which I had no problem with, it's fun to be stupid with friends. Most her friends go off dancing, and I ask her if she would like to dance, she decided we'd dance a single song. Then sat down. Eventually I pushed to dance some more, because she was doing nothing, and the only reason I went was so that she could have somebody to dance with, so we danced another song or two, and she said "Sorry, but I don't wanna dance". I told her it's fine, and I went to go talk to a good buddy of mine I hadn't talked to in a while. After this, I go back to my table and she's out there dancing with some guy, this was minutes after she said she wasn't wanting to dance. So I went and sat down. She practically forgot about me for a long time, then, maybe an hour or so later, asked me if I was alright. I told her I was good, and she walked away. Later, she came back and asked if I was sure I was okay, and asked to dance. We got about 1.5 songs in, her friend walked up and said "Let's go", and she just stopped dancing, looked at me, and said "I'm leaving now. Bye".

Now, I'm fine with not dancing with her, and it's cool for her to dance with other guys since I'm not dating her, but for her to tell me she's not wanting to dance, just to dance with other people, that's not cool in my book. And leaving somebody like that isn't cool either, it's disrespectful and rude. Maybe since I'm homeschooled I'm not used to teenagers and the ways they behave, but I feel like she just used me so she didn't have to go to prom "alone". I'm tired of being treated badly by women, and being used as if I was an emotionless object. Just because I always look happy, doesn't mean I am always happy. Teenage women can't think very well, and don't seem to care about hurting other people, especially the people they call their "friends". I wish I could meet more mature and respectful ladies, but it seems I'm stuck in this county and only able to meet girls that only care about themselves. Talk about a big let down. I put off purchasing my POD HD500 for her and this dance...totally not worth it.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

I'm sorry but... nothing about the way that she behaved was "cool". You're a good dude as evident by your demeanor throughout the night. I hope you wind up with someone that deserves a good guy like you. Cheers, bro.


----------



## ThePIGI King

High Plains Drifter said:


> I'm sorry but... nothing about the way that she behaved was "cool". You're a good dude as evident by your demeanor throughout the night. I hope you wind up with someone that deserves a good guy like you. Cheers, bro.



This is what a lot of my coworkers and friends tell me, but I'm doubting it more and more. Every girl I've been with (be it just friends or dating) has used me and then stopped talking to me. At some point one has to start thinking "is it me?". I think it's something with me. I'm easily attached, and socially awkward in a lot of situations in which I'm not used to dealing with. My ex (whom I still kinda care about even though she threw me away like trash) was at the dance too. My ex is a long story, but broke up with me, told me she didn't hate me and to not be down on myself, but secretly hated me and left me only to be with her ex (when she left me, she told me I was too good for her, that she didn't deserve anyone nearly as kind and loving as myself)...so seeing her in general puts me on edge a bit, I feel that's fairly understandable. Well, I told the girl I went to Prom with all of this stuff about my ex, and how it hurts me that my ex hates me and when she and I are in the same place, my ex pretends I don't exist and would rather leave than look at me...so what does my Prom date do? Whenever we DID go onto the dance floor, we had to be within a few feet from my ex and the guy she left me for (a guy that used to be a good friend...till all that crap happened)...It stung a lot inside, but I didn't say anything because it was my date's first prom, which is important to this girl...I did everything I could to make her night memorable and special for her. When we slow danced, my date didn't even really look at me...she was always looking away from me. I've never danced before, but I assume that's not normal. She should have tried to engage in conversation or at least look at me, right? And why would she make me dance so close to the person that hurts me so badly? What was my date thinking? Am I such a terrible person that women will try and hurt me every chance they get? I've dropped nights worth of pre-planned games of basketball to make sure this prom thing happened, and that's what I got. I know I'm not perfect, but nobody is.

Thanks though, Drifter. Your words put me at ease a little bit, and hopefully you've eased my mind enough to where I'll sleep tonight.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

I hope that you can get to a point that you understand how much healthier and more important it is to be who you are as opposed to being like some of these people that you are attempting to appeal to. We are very much conditioned throughout childhood all the way into adulthood, to feel things and believe things about ourselves as they relate to other peoples opinions, criticisms, and attitudes. These aspects of conditioning sincerely wreak havoc with our self-esteem. Negative reinforcement is a difficult thing to manage and over time it can have debilitating consequences if we allow ourselves to believe that other peoples perceptions are what matters. 

Although no one is indeed even close to any perception of perfect ( as you've touched on), there is absolutely a necessity to possess kindness, humility, and civility towards others. These are all things that you appear to be intimately familiar with. These arguably essential traits, ideals, beliefs, etc are what will put you at an advantage as you get older. Right now ( and likely throughout your entire life) you may question your own thoughts, feelings, and actions as hindrances because in many scenarios you will be challenged and left doubting yourself or wind up critical of yourself. But those feelings when managed in healthy ways ( not self-sabotaging) will at most crucial times throughout your life, prove genuinely valuable attributes and those feelings will allow you to make sound decisions, extend humanity, and strive for humility... good stuff. 

You will stand a better chance at surrounding yourself with others that are like-minded and that will support you and appreciate you for who you are. Success can also be a big part of that. Pain and heartache will most certainly be a part of life no matter who you are but in regards to the bigger picture ( the grand scheme of things so to speak), I doubt that you will find yourself without the love, understanding, and support that you need. It may not always be there when you want it to be and there may surely be times that you want things that just [seemingly] are not there. But always remember [and feel fortunate] that you are one of those people that are not cruel, spiteful, selfish, nor blissfully ignorant of what it takes to be a good human being. Throughout your life, I believe that you will find yourself [although conflicted at times], able to appreciate those instances of sincere satisfaction, love, strength, and solace. 

Sadly for many others, they will walk a miserable life [no matter how they appear on the outside] because without these attributes that I've spoken of here, they will likely never truly be able to identify with what it means to be a compassionate and truly worthy human being. 

You have the advantage. Just don't let your doubts get the better of you. You're on the right path... no matter what comes your way.


----------



## TedEH

NicePants said:


> You know what you must do.



I actually have no idea what to do.  It's the same lady as in this post: http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/4574633-post11640.html.


----------



## BucketheadRules

I actually have a new girlfriend.

I like her a lot and she's really, really into me. Feels good man.


----------



## asher

Great to hear, man!


----------



## flint757

ThePIGI King said:


> This is what a lot of my coworkers and friends tell me, but I'm doubting it more and more. Every girl I've been with (be it just friends or dating) has used me and then stopped talking to me. At some point one has to start thinking "is it me?". I think it's something with me. I'm easily attached, and socially awkward in a lot of situations in which I'm not used to dealing with. My ex (whom I still kinda care about even though she threw me away like trash) was at the dance too. My ex is a long story, but broke up with me, told me she didn't hate me and to not be down on myself, but secretly hated me and left me only to be with her ex (when she left me, she told me I was too good for her, that she didn't deserve anyone nearly as kind and loving as myself)...so seeing her in general puts me on edge a bit, I feel that's fairly understandable. Well, I told the girl I went to Prom with all of this stuff about my ex, and how it hurts me that my ex hates me and when she and I are in the same place, my ex pretends I don't exist and would rather leave than look at me...so what does my Prom date do? Whenever we DID go onto the dance floor, we had to be within a few feet from my ex and the guy she left me for (a guy that used to be a good friend...till all that crap happened)...It stung a lot inside, but I didn't say anything because it was my date's first prom, which is important to this girl...I did everything I could to make her night memorable and special for her. When we slow danced, my date didn't even really look at me...she was always looking away from me. I've never danced before, but I assume that's not normal. She should have tried to engage in conversation or at least look at me, right? And why would she make me dance so close to the person that hurts me so badly? What was my date thinking? Am I such a terrible person that women will try and hurt me every chance they get? I've dropped nights worth of pre-planned games of basketball to make sure this prom thing happened, and that's what I got. I know I'm not perfect, but nobody is.
> 
> Thanks though, Drifter. Your words put me at ease a little bit, and hopefully you've eased my mind enough to where I'll sleep tonight.



A long time ago I had a girl break up with me because she couldn't date, or something along those lines, and at an event we were both attending hook up and start dating another guy practically right in my face; so I can feel your pain quite a bit. My first girlfriend cheated on me as well and my last girlfriend treated me like I was runner up. Needless to say I can relate. 

I don't think some people realize what amount of permanent damage their behavior can have on others.

I think your original assumption was correct, she just needed a date for the dance. It would appear she considered it as nothing more than that based on her behavior, but even as a friend date that's pretty ....ty considering how prom is supposed to operate; especially since you'll obviously know fewer people since you don't go to her school.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

How do I deal with a suicidal FWB that I've known approximately three weeks? She suffers from intense anxiety and depression and didn't really let that on until after we had hooked up for a bit. 
We have a bit of an intertwined friend group so we run into each other on occasion.
My instincts tell me to bail and cut off contact but I don't want to be the reason she attempts suicide.


----------



## AngstRiddenDreams

please send help


----------



## High Plains Drifter

You cannot allow that weight to sit on your shoulders. One... because that's not fair to you, and two... because you have nothing to do with the feelings that are already manifesting inside of her. 

Distancing yourself from someone that possesses potentially dangerous mental health issues is a realistic and understandable consideration from any perspective. Interacting with someone that professes serious mental instability is generally beyond what most of us are able to successfully manage as friends, family members, or intimate partners. 

I would step lightly and be genuinely tactful in any correspondence with her but I would certainly not advise that you attempt to deal with this on your own. This person may indeed need professional intervention. If she's not actually a threat to herself and this is more of an attention issue, then that should also persuade you to reevaluate your involvement with this individual. Ultimately however, it is not your responsibility to make that call nor is it your responsibility to involve yourself in such a sensitive and volatile situation as this. 

Best of luck.


----------



## blacai

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> How do I deal with a suicidal FWB that I've known approximately three weeks? She suffers from intense anxiety and depression and didn't really let that on until after we had hooked up for a bit.
> We have a bit of an intertwined friend group so we run into each other on occasion.
> My instincts tell me to bail and cut off contact but I don't want to be the reason she attempts suicide.



You are not and will never be the reason of someone to attempt suicide.

They are people who have problems and have to go to doctor, get help... You cannot feel guilty if you don't want to continue. Just offer her some professional advice to deal with it.


----------



## TedEH

flint757 said:


> I don't think some people realize what amount of permanent damage their behavior can have on others.



^ Lots of this. I get the impression that most people don't recognize all the little subtle things they do that influence or impact the people around them unless you point it out to them.


----------



## Mathemagician

At least you got this always stuff out in HS. Life advice, if you are in any way into someone and they don't seem to be into you "NEXT" them and move on. They may reconsider at some point further down the line (months/years/etc) but there is a lot of booty out there, and waiting for someone to maybe be in to you/give you attention if they have no other options is a waste of your life/potential happiness. 

Bruh wait until college. Go to giant school and just ask out every cute girl you see. (There's no follow up, everything after this should be self explanatory.)


----------



## russmuller

AngstRiddenDreams said:


> How do I deal with a suicidal FWB that I've known approximately three weeks? She suffers from intense anxiety and depression and didn't really let that on until after we had hooked up for a bit.
> We have a bit of an intertwined friend group so we run into each other on occasion.
> My instincts tell me to bail and cut off contact but I don't want to be the reason she attempts suicide.



If you stick around, you're going to get sucked into her world. She suffered from these things before you two hooked up; you're not the reason for anything. A pencil balanced on its tip doesn't fall because of any particular gust of wind, it falls because it's poised to fall.

The best thing you can do is to put distance between you. If you care about this girl, you can try to find some suicide prevention or mental health resources in your area and refer her, but suggestions like that are not always well received.

But above all, DO NOT let guilt and fear of her mental states be your guiding light. That's not healthy for anyone.


----------



## ASoC

Had another depressive episode, in my sleep this time... 
I was dreaming and then I saw my ex in my dream and everything seemed to stop as I felt myself empty out and fill with rage until it boiled over and I was left crying and feeling powerless. Then I woke up crying. It's been 4 hours since I woke up and I haven't been able to force myself out of bed. How can I keep living like this if I'm not even safe in my sleep?


----------



## russmuller

ASoC said:


> Had another depressive episode, in my sleep this time...
> I was dreaming and then I saw my ex in my dream and everything seemed to stop as I felt myself empty out and fill with rage until it boiled over and I was left crying and feeling powerless. Then I woke up crying. It's been 4 hours since I woke up and I haven't been able to force myself out of bed. How can I keep living like this if I'm not even safe in my sleep?



That's really rough.  Just remember that it'll pass. Those feelings are temporary, and better things will come.


----------



## ASoC

I just wish I could go back to being who I was. I've suffered from depression and anxiety my entire life, I can even remember having depressive episodes and thoughts of suicide in elementary school. But I learned to master my emotions for the most part, and I lived the first 18 years of my life relatively happy. After I met her I didn't need to be so strong all the time and now I feel like she took my inner strength from me when she left. Now I'm left here wondering how I became so strong in the first place and how to harden my heart again.

Some days I feel OK. Some days I wish I were dead. Some days I feel like I already am.


----------



## russmuller

ASoC said:


> I just wish I could go back to being who I was. I've suffered from depression and anxiety my entire life, I can even remember having depressive episodes and thoughts of suicide in elementary school. But I learned to master my emotions for the most part, and I lived the first 18 years of my life relatively happy. After I met her I didn't need to be so strong all the time and now I feel like she took my inner strength from me when she left. Now I'm left here wondering how I became so strong in the first place and how to harden my heart again.
> 
> Some days I feel OK. Some days I wish I were dead. Some days I feel like I already am.



Man... that sounds like a rough way to go through life. With it being such a chronic thing, have you ever sought out any kind of professional help from someone like a therapist or psychiatrist? I know that's its own bundle of worms to deal with, but it might be a road worth exploring.

I've had some personal success with therapy and Vipassana Meditation (separately, at different times in my life) that were very meaningful and useful experiences. When I was in my teens, therapy really helped me better myself by helping me examine a lot of the underlying assumptions in my mind that were limiting me because I never really pulled them into the light to see if they made any sense or not. More recently, mindfulness meditation has actually REALLY helped me let go of so many negative emotions, or step back to appreciate the absurdity of how wound up I am in my negative states (which immediately reduces their grip on me).

I hope I'm conveying myself appropriately here as compassionate rather than preachy. I feel for you, and I hope that my own experiences might encourage you to explore things that might help your own experience.


----------



## broj15

Fvck, guys, this is going to be a long one. I've been holding off on posting this for whatever reason, but I just need to vent and possibly some advice. 

So for the past few weeks, between our work schedules and her being "busy", me and my girldfriend(?) haven't been seeing much of each other lately. I guess I'll start at 3 or 4 weeks ago when I started to notice things going that direction.

Now, she never seems to know what her work schedule is and doesn't seem to plan her life more than a couple days in advanced. That's not really a problem as I'm the same way. It will be easier to follow if I paraphrase our conversations:

Me: Do you want to hang out when you get off saturday
Her: I'll let you know. I might have something I need to do. I can't remember, but I'll let you know. If not Saturday then definitely Sunday. I know I get off early.

So saturday night passes and I don't hear anything from her. The next day I go see her on her lunch break:

Me: So what did you have to do last night?
Her: Oh, my "friend" (quotations added by me) Jeremy was in town for the weekend so we went to the movies and then went to the bar.
Me: Oh... Well do you still want to hang out tonight?
Her: I'm actually really tired. When we left the bar his car lights had been on so we had to go to walmart to buy jumper cables and I didn't get home until 5 this morning and had to be up at 10 for work.

Now, maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I could tell that she hadn't showered (I'd know from seeing her in the morning when she stays at my place) which makes me hella suspicious, but I don't say anything because I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. to those that remember my previous posts in this thread you'll know about our history (she didn't tell me she already had a boyfriend when we first started hanging out, she chose me over him, then changed her mind less than a week later and went back to him and we didn't talk for about 2 months. She came back saying she made the wrong decisions, we hang out for a month or so and then she says she wants to be with this guy she's been friends with for 6 years. Don't talk for another 2 months and she comes back saying she misses me, we've been hanging out relatively consistently since then (late november) but she's done things like going and hanging out with the guy she was friends and not telling me, saying they're just friends when I'd call her out on it, etc.)

So anyways, we made plans to hang out that next Tuesday since i get off early and she was off all day, but she had to take her cat to the vet. We make plans to hang out the next day. We meet up and she says she only has an hour because her mom can't pick her cat up from the vet so she has to do it before they close. I tell her that's fine and I'll just go with her. She kinda freaks out (has an anxiety attack) and I ask what's wrong and she says that if I go then I'll have to go to her house and her family will be there. Now, normally I'd understand, but just a couple weeks ago she had told me that she wanted me to meet her family soon. Given recent developments (her being flaky like she always would right before she'd leave again) and her reneging on that statement makes me worry. Compund that with the fact that 2 days later a friend of mine that works with her said he saw her in her car with some dude that wasn't me on her lunch break a few days ago.

Flash forward through the rest of the week with me texting her and getting no response, or stopping to see her at work and asking if she's free only to be told she's busy. I see her post a staus on her facebook that says "pray for my feet as I use this 12 hour day to break in my new doc martens". Then I see a comment from some fuccboi named Jeremy (remember the dude she blew me off to go to the bar with) saying "lol that's what I thought when I saw you put them on this morning". Now I'm more than suspicious.

I know she's going to stay with her sister for the weekend so I don't see or hear from her all weekend. I stop by her work after I get off on monday and tell her we need to talk. She meets me at my place when she gets off. Here's the cliff notes version

Me: Basically just me calling her out on being distant and flaky and accusing her of cheating.
Her: "I'm sorry. I have been flaky and distant. My depression and anxiety have been really bad lately and my way of coping is to close myself off from people. But I've not been unfaithful to you. I can't believe that after all this time of me trying to do things right you still can't trust me. I feel like a ....ing idiot every time I'm with you because I'm falling in love with you and you still can't trust me and no matter what I do that doesn't seem to change."

I apologized for accusing her, but she says it's too late and she's thinks our relationship has run it's course because she's afraid we can't come back from the point we're currently at. She says she wants to sleep on it and that she'll talk to me in a few days. Flash forward to saturday night and I get a text message (a ....ing text message) that read:



> I know this is not the way or the time to do this, but I'm too much of a coward to do it in person and I'm sorry for that. I don't think that we should be together anymore. I don't think we should continue to hang onto each other. We have to move on. I don't want to hurt you anymore. This has run it's course and it's not making either of us happy anymore. I just want you to know that I care about you so much. I'm sorry."



Obviously i'm devastated and irrational. That day I notice she updated her facebook to show she was in a relationship, but it didn't say with who. I know she gets off at 11 the next day so I wait for her to get off at work and we talk:

Me:I'm sorry for showing up here like this, but you knew I'd be here. You can't just end it after a year with just one text message.
her: Yeah I did. I'm sorry about that.
Me: Basically tell her how guilty I feel about the other night and that I think we can work through it. She disagrees. I tell her if she doesn't want to see me again, then I respect that and I ask for a few of my albums that I gave to her.
Her: "but why does it have to be like that? Us not seeing each other ever again? we've reconnected so many times. whose to say we won't again?"
Me: "because that's how you want it, at least according to the text you sent last night."
Her: I never said that
Me: I have it right here in my pocket if you need me to read it.
Her: No, don't i've read it enough and don't even want to think about it anymore.

I asked her if she had anything she wanted to say to me and she said no and started to cry, and of course I hugged her and tried to console her. She let me for a couple minutes and then she started crying harder until she suddenly pushed me off and said that she feels stupid being like that in front of me and that she had to go.

I don't see her or talk to her for a week. Saturday night I see the aforementioned fuccboi named Jeremy changed his profile picture on facebook to a picture of him and her (no touching between them, but still). Then sunday afternoon (this most recent sunday) I get a text from her asking to come over and talk. I agree.

Her: After not talking to you for a week and letting the reality of not seeing you again sink in I've finally realized that you are the thing that holds me together and that I can't bear to cut you out of my life. I still want to see you, but it has to be different this time. I think you and I both have a lot of problems and we have different ways of coping with those problems. I know we're both going to "fall apart" and I think if we just find a way to do that more cohesively then we'll be okay.
Me: I ask her one more time if at any point while we've been together seriously if she's been unfaithful to me and she reassures me that she hasn't. I say that I'm down to keep seeing her as long as the end goal is for us to actually be together and she says that's all she wants.

I asked her what changed her mind and she said that ever since we lasted talked and she left crying she's been having a reoccurring dream:

In her dream she says it's just her living at her house by herself without her family and every morning when she wakes up there's dead bodies in the yard/the house/the trees, etc. (changes in each dream) and for whatever reason she feels like she has to hide them or get rid of them somehow or else she'll be accused of being responsible. Then, on the last night (the night before she texted me) she said that in her dream I was living with her and we were together and she remembers feeling happy, where as before the dream was always like a nightmare. Apparently at one point I had to go hide more bodies and she went through my phone and read my messages. She said that what she found was a conversation between me and my ex (whom she's never met or even seen), but the weird thing was that the conversation was word for word the same conversations we've sent each other since them time we've been together. I asked why that would be in her dream and she says that it's because she still has them on her phone and that she reads through them more often then she'd like to admit.

So that's basically been the past 2-3 weeks of my life... I'm really not sure what to do. Between me seeing things and hearing things from other people I don't feel like I can trust her, but when she says that nothings been going on she's so honest I can't help but believe her. Also I know she's going to a show tomorrow (one we'd originally planned on going to together) and when I asked if she still wanted me to go she got sort of defensive. "yeah, I'm not sure. I might be going with someone else, but we'll see if that happens. I'll let you know." I can tell she's keeping something from me so I asked who she's supposed to go with and she said her sister, but she's not sure if she can get off work yet. Normally I wouldn't think anything of it, but I checked the even page for the show and the fuccboi known as Jeremy has rsvp'd that he's going.... I'm really just not sure what to do at this point.

Fvck, that was even longer than I expected. I don't expect anyone to read or care about the saga that is my life, but if you then there it is. Excuse any typos or grammatical errors. Much to apathetic to spellcheck at this point.


----------



## TheHandOfStone

TL;DR: You're better off in the long run with someone who doesn't treat you like that. It's not worth saving regardless of whether she actually cheated on you. In the meantime, just hang in there, then try find someone else once you feel better. Both will take time, and that's OK.


----------



## TedEH

broj15 said:


> [All of the drama]



My : Run. Get out of all that. Plenty of fish and all that. Learn to be happy without needing anyone else. Eventually meet someone who is also happy on their own, maybe. Build healthier relationships.

Ask yourself very seriously- is this a situation I can resolve and build back into a trusting and meaningful partnership? If you can't answer that with an immediate and confident "yeah, absolutely", then move on. It's not the advice you probably want, but you'll appreciate making that decision later on when you've either found balance on your own, or met someone who compliments your life rather than complicates it.


----------



## broj15

I know that's what I should do, but I'm totally in love with her. It just sucks. Every time she's left in the past I finally start getting to the point where I can say I'm "moving on" and she decides to come back. And the worst part is I almost tell her I'm done and then this voice in my head just starts saying "maybe this time will be different". Sh_i_t sucks...

Edit: On the bright side I've managed to stay relatively clean (I say relatively as I still smoke socially) through out all this, which makes me feel like at least I'm better than I was.


----------



## TedEH

broj15 said:


> I know that's what I should do, but I'm totally in love with her.



Consider the possibility that you're not in love with her so much as the idea of her, or the role she's supposed to fill. Most of the times that I've said I was "in love" with someone in that sense, taking a step back and re-evaluating the situation made me call it something different after the fact. Maybe I do it as a sort of defense thing, just to make myself feel better, but there's value in that too. There's bajillions of people out there. You'll fall for someone else eventually.


----------



## NicePants

That's rough dude, but if you want an opinion I think you should get out of there. She sounds fickle as hell and in the long run I think it's just going to cause you more heartache. It might not be what you want to hear, but the fact that she started going out with you while she was with another guy and keeps coming and going like that is a gigantic red flag.


----------



## russmuller

TedEH said:


> Consider the possibility that you're not in love with her so much as the idea of her, or the role she's supposed to fill. Most of the times that I've said I was "in love" with someone in that sense, taking a step back and re-evaluating the situation made me call it something different after the fact. Maybe I do it as a sort of defense thing, just to make myself feel better, but there's value in that too. There's bajillions of people out there. You'll fall for someone else eventually.



^^THIS!!!!!!


----------



## flint757

I only have a moment so I got about half way through it, but I think she was cheating on you and when you accused her it was the perfect opportunity to end it without her being to blame and leaving it in her control. Or perhaps she hadn't 'cheated' yet. My dad would just temporarily break up with my mom when I was young to get action on the side without technically cheating. Honestly the back and forth nature of your relationship sounds a lot like that, especially when we consider this Jeremy character.


----------



## BucketheadRules

TedEH said:


> Consider the possibility that you're not in love with her so much as the idea of her, or the role she's supposed to fill.



Thinking about this makes me wonder if I've ever actually been in love with anyone just as a person.


----------



## TedEH

I don't know that it means you "don't really love" them, so much as you just understand why you do- which makes things easier when you don't anymore.


----------



## broj15

BucketheadRules said:


> Thinking about this makes me wonder if I've ever actually been in love with anyone just as a person.



Dude, same. 

Thanks for all the advice and reassurance, guys. I think I'm just going to put in minimal effort and see how she reacts and just let it play out from there, and try not to get to caught up in my emotions in the process.


----------



## Maybrick

BucketheadRules said:


> Thinking about this makes me wonder if I've ever actually been in love with anyone just as a person.



Its easy to think like that man but a lot of that I found was lack of confidence in myself.


----------



## ftr

.


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## Varcolac

broj15 said:


> dead body dreams, Jeremy and flakiness









Get out now. Too much crazy. So you're in love with her. Big deal. We fall in love all the time. Last 15 years of my life it's happened at least four times. Every time there's been a feeling that this is "the one," but things break down. Mostly amicably. Once less than amicably. Every time much crying. It doesn't get easier for relationships to end, but you do become more sure of what you want from a relationship. 

Unless you want the cray-cray, my answer is a firm "NOPE."


----------



## ThePIGI King

Talking to my ex again because she apologized for the way she treated me


----------



## broj15

^^^ must be going around. She asked me to stop by her work when i got off last night so I did. She acted happy to see me and we talked for a bit, but I wasn't trying to hang around too long as I'm not trying to get in deeper than I already am (I know, right?) and I was on my way to practice. Now, I'll preface this by saying that for someone who only plans her life a few days in advance her schedule is pretty full for the next week and a half, with no attempt made by her to hang out with me - something she said she'd work on if we give it one more shot. So before I left we had this exchange:

Me: So I guess I'll see you whenever
Her: We're going to hang out eventually
Me: I'm sure
Her: Hey, don't say it like that. I'm gonna get a hold of you. ok?
Me: I'm sure
Her: Okay... (I can tell by her expression and body language that I had hurt her)
Me: What?
Her: Nothing...
Me: It's obviously not "nothing"
Her: I'll get a hold of you and we'll talk

So yeah. Just waiting for the inevitable end at this point. I should've known better. I should've just bailed when I found out she lied about having a boyfriend in the first place. Whatever, bad decisions have been a running theme in my life for quite some time so i guess I shouldn't be surprised.


----------



## Konfyouzd

*whoa got ninja'd*

Exes are exes for a reason.


----------



## broj15

^^^ Wow. I know for a fact I have said those exact words to friends many times. Ironic.


----------



## broj15

^^^ and I guess I should've taken my own advice. My suspicions were right. Its done.


----------



## russmuller

broj15 said:


> ^^^ and I guess I should've taken my own advice. My suspicions were right. Its done.



Sorry to hear that bro, but now you know and you've got closure. Time to start the moving on/healing process.


----------



## Mathemagician

Just general life observation: if you're spending all your time & energy trying to "make things work" with a cheater/person who obviously doesn't respect you; it's going to suck when you meet someone whose actually awesome as hell and you want to ask them out. But you're not a cheating asshole so now you're stuck/committed to your crummy relationship that doesn't make you happy, due to the "sunk cost fallacy" of how much effort you've put in. 

Don't make people a priority who treats you like a "backup option" (at best). 

You dumbasses already play guitar. Work out a tiny bit, volunteer somewhere/pick up another cool hobby and meet cool people. 

Just things I've learned.


----------



## ftr

I made the mistake of checking up on my ex and apparently she went to move in with her ex it looks like. I was devastated again, but i am actually kind of glad i did. I needed to let more out and i did. I made the decision to not just lie down and be sad and instead i am going to start major self-improvements. I decided to start getting in great shape and get my mind off of jumping into another relationship. I have received so much wise advise that is finally starting to change my mindset. It was hard before because my mind was so clouded with grief. I am actually glad i made that mistake and went through that brief devastating feeling of grief again, it was not too bad but it was enough to finally make my mind click and realize i need to start taking control and improve my life, and fight being lazy and content. I am going to start a crossfit program this week, and it looks like it will really get me in great shape and i won't eventually burn out on it. I am motivated and it feels great.


----------



## ASoC

Had another dream about my ex last night. Not a depressing one this time, though. We were at my old house for whatever reason; when I decided to leave I got outside, found my car (which is gone now, it got totalled last month), and found that I had forgotten my key inside (this is probably because my key ring irl doesn't have a car key on it anymore). I turned around and she came out with the car key. I mentioned that I had forgotten my key and she asked if I forgot about her. I didn't really understand what she meant, so I let it go. We both walked over to my car and talked for a bit and she hinted at wanting to try a relationship again. Even though I know that would probably be a mistake and I always advise against doing it, I found that it made happy to hear her say that. On that note, I got into my car feeling terribly pleasant and woke up. 

The thing that gets me is how vivid it was. The settings and people of my dreams mostly come from memories, but there's always something off. This time, my house, all its furniture, and it's location were perfectly detailed. Even my ex was exactly as I remember; her voice, her face, her diction, and her mannerisms were all right. Our conversation was smooth and easy just like it used to be before things took a downturn. I felt like myself (confident/charming instead of shy/neurotic) for the first time in years.


----------



## BucketheadRules

We're Facebook official. Never done that with anyone before!


----------



## ThePIGI King

Konfyouzd said:


> Exes are exes for a reason.



Because she left me and I never got over her/it. So, it's slightly helpful, because she and I are very close, making it cool to have somebody to talk to. It's devastating, though, because I know deep down I want to be with her, and I can't for so many reasons. I know I shouldn't get back with her anyways, after everything...but she seems to be doing a lot better, and she genuinely apologized for everything. At the end of the day, I'm just glad I have somebody to talk to again I guess.


----------



## piggins411

BucketheadRules said:


> We're Facebook official. Never done that with anyone before!



Woah I must've missed something unless you haven't posted about it


----------



## Maybrick

ftr said:


> I made the mistake of checking up on my ex and apparently she went to move in with her ex it looks like. I was devastated again, but i am actually kind of glad i did. I needed to let more out and i did. I made the decision to not just lie down and be sad and instead i am going to start major self-improvements. I decided to start getting in great shape and get my mind off of jumping into another relationship. I have received so much wise advise that is finally starting to change my mindset. It was hard before because my mind was so clouded with grief. I am actually glad i made that mistake and went through that brief devastating feeling of grief again, it was not too bad but it was enough to finally make my mind click and realize i need to start taking control and improve my life, and fight being lazy and content. I am going to start a crossfit program this week, and it looks like it will really get me in great shape and i won't eventually burn out on it. I am motivated and it feels great.



This is excellent news man.

The motivation will come from the results you see from your workouts. The main thing to remind yourself is that you're getting in shape for yourself and because it makes YOU happy. Don't have the key driving force be that you want to look good for a girl otherwise you'll fall into the common trap of when you get into another relationship, you'll start slacking on your workouts because you feel 'comfortable'.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

ftr said:


> I made the mistake of checking up on my ex and apparently she went to move in with her ex it looks like. I was devastated again, but i am actually kind of glad i did. I needed to let more out and i did. I made the decision to not just lie down and be sad and instead i am going to start major self-improvements. I decided to start getting in great shape and get my mind off of jumping into another relationship. I have received so much wise advise that is finally starting to change my mindset. It was hard before because my mind was so clouded with grief. I am actually glad i made that mistake and went through that brief devastating feeling of grief again, it was not too bad but it was enough to finally make my mind click and realize i need to start taking control and improve my life, and fight being lazy and content. I am going to start a crossfit program this week, and it looks like it will really get me in great shape and i won't eventually burn out on it. I am motivated and it feels great.



i became really confident and motivated when i started working out. Have fun with it


----------



## BucketheadRules

piggins411 said:


> Woah I must've missed something unless you haven't posted about it



Kept it quiet on here, yes.

Met another girl after getting back on Tinder, following the whole sh*tstorm with my ex back a couple of months ago. Wasn't looking for anything serious really, but we hit it off and agreed quite early on to meet. Swapped numbers, started texting the whole time, met a couple of times, everything went well.

She's like me in that she develops pretty strong feelings pretty quickly, and that's how it's turned out. She's told me quite a few times that she's really, really into me and wanted something more serious. I like her a lot too, more so the more we talk and see each other, so last time we saw each other we decided to make it official.  Seems like we'll both be genuinely happy, which is what I've always wanted. Never known any girl to feel like this about little ol' me before. Feels good man.


----------



## Taylor

Got a date with a girl next Tuesday. After 5 years of being single and dealing with severe depression and anxiety for most of my life, it feels good asking a girl out (and getting a "yes"). It is also moderately terrifying


----------



## Maybrick

Taylor said:


> Got a date with a girl next Tuesday. After 5 years of being single and dealing with severe depression and anxiety for most of my life, it feels good asking a girl out (and getting a "yes"). It is also moderately terrifying



As cliche and easy as it is to say, just relax when you meet up - make as much eye contact as you can and you'll be fine.


----------



## vividox

Maybrick said:


> As cliche and easy as it is to say, just relax when you meet up - make as much eye contact as you can and you'll be fine.


And never forget - the nipples are the eyes of the body.


----------



## Taylor

vividox said:


> And never forget - the nipples are the eyes of the body.


----------



## ftr

I think i am starting to go down a more depressive road. I was pondering the idea of seeing an escort to kill this dry spell. There is extremely appealing ones in Atlanta. I tried to set up an appointment with this really gorgeous girl in Atlanta on Monday, but i didn't have any references, and couldn't be screened properly, so she is not down anymore. I was going to sign up and pay a lot for this site to screen me so i really wouldn't need references. Now i am thinking, what the .... am i doing, paying to be screened, to pay an escort, which i may not even be doing much. I was thinking of only doing this once or twice, but i know it would be bad if it became an addictive hobby. It's extremely tempting. I never thought i would get this close to paying to satisfy my needs. I am not even bad looking. There is this one girl that lives down the street who is a friend i went to school with little sister, and she is gorgeous and has good taste. It was the first time i seen her in years. I hung out with her last month with a group of friends and she seemed to like me and made some signs of interest i think, we only got to hang out for like 30 minutes though so i couldn't really tell. I added her on fb today. Thinking about starting a conversation later. It's a lot of pressure because it's something i would not want to .... up, given how awesome it would be if we became a thing. she could literally walk to my house every night.


----------



## TheHandOfStone

Seeing escorts is fine IMO, but I wouldn't make fear of failure the reason you go to them. Most decisions I've made out of fear (in my case, social anxiety) have been ones that I've regretted. Easier said than done, of course.


----------



## ftr

Talking to that girl that lives by me. She is definitely interested in going to some shows with me. I got her listening to Electric Wizard right now.


----------



## russmuller

My most recent ex has been on a depressive roller coaster lately. She's clearly got some issues, and was previously diagnosed as bipolar. She refused to accept that information at the time because she (like many) had a stigma associated with mental illness, so she ignored the information and refused her meds. Now she's recognized that it doesn't make you less of a person because you suffer from a condition, and that a diagnosis + meds can help her and those around her to better deal with her episodes.

She's been suicidal the past 2 weeks, ruminating about how to take her life. Major warning signs. Fortunately, she's been able to talk about these things with a few friends and family members who have helped her from going over the edge. She's started seeing a clinical psychologist, but she agrees that she should probably be medicated to help stabilize her swings.

As a result of her depressive episodes, she's missed a lot of work and her job is in jeopardy. She's going to be fired unless a psychiatrist or MD will fill out some forms for her disability claim and it's almost impossible to see one on short notice unless you go into the hospital. So today she's checking herself in to a behavioral health facility. Hopefully she'll be able to see a doctor, get a prescription (without any bad reactions), and get her disability paperwork filled out.

If she hasn't checked in by the time I'm out of work, I'll go with her and hold her hand while she gets checked in. I'll be feeding her cat while she's in the hospital, and I'll visit her to make sure she's okay (someone she knows was raped while in a facility like that, so that's a big concern for her). I know that her situation is neither my fault nor my problem, but I believe that if I was going through something like that I would need all the help I can get. I'm determined to not be roped back into a relationship with someone just because I help their mental stability, but I genuinely care about her and I honestly think she'd be letting her situation get much worse without my support here. 

So it is what it is. I'm not trying to date anyone else right now, so it's not like I feel held back from pursuing something that I want. But I'm not sure how I'd deal with it if she actually committed suicide. I'm so relieved she's finally trying to get help.


----------



## cwhitey2

russmuller said:


> My most recent ex has been on a depressive roller coaster lately. She's clearly got some issues, and was previously diagnosed as bipolar. She refused to accept that information at the time because she (like many) had a stigma associated with mental illness, so she ignored the information and refused her meds. Now she's recognized that it doesn't make you less of a person because you suffer from a condition, and that a diagnosis + meds can help her and those around her to better deal with her episodes.
> 
> She's been suicidal the past 2 weeks, ruminating about how to take her life. Major warning signs. Fortunately, she's been able to talk about these things with a few friends and family members who have helped her from going over the edge. She's started seeing a clinical psychologist, but she agrees that she should probably be medicated to help stabilize her swings.
> 
> As a result of her depressive episodes, she's missed a lot of work and her job is in jeopardy. She's going to be fired unless a psychiatrist or MD will fill out some forms for her disability claim and it's almost impossible to see one on short notice unless you go into the hospital. So today she's checking herself in to a behavioral health facility. Hopefully she'll be able to see a doctor, get a prescription (without any bad reactions), and get her disability paperwork filled out.
> 
> If she hasn't checked in by the time I'm out of work, I'll go with her and hold her hand while she gets checked in. I'll be feeding her cat while she's in the hospital, and I'll visit her to make sure she's okay (someone she knows was raped while in a facility like that, so that's a big concern for her). I know that her situation is neither my fault nor my problem, but I believe that if I was going through something like that I would need all the help I can get. I'm determined to not be roped back into a relationship with someone just because I help their mental stability, but I genuinely care about her and I honestly think she'd be letting her situation get much worse without my support here.
> 
> So it is what it is. I'm not trying to date anyone else right now, so it's not like I feel held back from pursuing something that I want. But I'm not sure how I'd deal with it if she actually committed suicide. I'm so relieved she's finally trying to get help.



You sir are great facking human being. 


I myself was on her path many years ago. It is a tough and long road to recovery. I never had anyone. It was me, a psychiatrist and a prescription.

I wish you and her the best of luck on your journey. 



The best part of this whole situation is that she finally realizes that she NEEDS help.


----------



## russmuller

cwhitey2 said:


> You sir are great facking human being.
> 
> 
> I myself was on her on many years ago. It is a tough and long road to recovery. I never had anyone. It was me, a psychiatrist and a prescription.
> 
> I wish you and her the best of luck on your journey.
> 
> 
> 
> The best part of this whole situation is that she finally realizes that she NEEDS help.



Thanks for the support, man. I agree, her recognizing that she needs help and actively taking steps to get it is really the most encouraging thing. I hope that she finds some real stability and help from this.


----------



## Simic

Hey fellow SSO members, I've found myself in a very difficult situation and I'm not really sure what I should do... Thought I'd ask for some advice here... I hope I manage to condense my thoughts into something readable heh.. Excuse my english also.

Some background:
I have a girlfriend of 2 years - she is my first serious gf, and she has had 2 relationships in the past (1 lasting 4 years). Im 21, she's 23. We go to uni together (same year) so I see her every day and will continue to do so for at least 2 more years. 

I initially I thought she was the one, she supports everything I do, has a similar sense of humor and listens to metal (hard to find around here, unless you're into goth chicks with mental issues) and is in general a beautiful human being. We never ever had a fight or a big argument. This may sound weird but if I compare our relationship to relationships of some of my best friends, I feel like ours is on a higher spiritual (?) level. This is probably what makes the whole situation even harder for me.

She is the kind of person that needs constant attention from their partner (me) - hugs, kisses, watching movies together, keeping in touch during the weekend while we're away etc. Im the exact opposite - I like to do things alone. I can go without human contact for days - I like to come home and play guitar, play CS:GO, study, browse SSrg (lol) without paying much attention to her if she's there. Im not an antisocial person by any means, I have a circle of very close friends with whom Im in daily contact - we study together, we get high AF together we go to parties together etc. Im also actually one of those guys that everyone in uni knows, I try to keep good relationships with everyone I meet and Im in a bunch of projects where I work with different people from 1st to 6th year which is why I know most of the students and staff there. In contrast, she doesn't have that many close friends which is why she always comes hangs out with me and my friends - she became a part of the squad if I can say so heh. 

The thing is, over the period of the last 6 or so months, my feelings towards her changed significantly. I still care for her very much, but I'm not in love with her anymore. I actually feel like I fake some things in our relationship. I think the problem started this school year, because she became my school mate (after taking 1 year off last year). The first year of our relationship we hung-out every 2nd day or so and I was in paradise - we went to movies, parties etc on a SEMI REGULAR basis, but this year we've been together for almost every day since we're school mates and I sleep at her study flat during the week (and she comes home with me every 2nd weekend). Maybe Im not ready for this level of devotion yet, I dont know. 

A lot of the little things she does/says that I found cute a year ago are now constantly annoying me. I was giving her a lot attention in the past, but now I find myself subconsciously neglecting - for example when we get home I'll go practice guitar instead of watching a movie with her, or I'll go over to my friends and get baked instead of staying home and doing something with her. 
Even when we go out to party I hang out/talk/joke with my friends instead of her, sometimes we don't speak a word during the entire evening - of course she talks with others in the squad meanwhile, but I feel like she is suffering because she wants to be close to me and receive attention from me, not my friends. If she was the one doing that I wouldnt really care/notice, but as I said she needs attention and love and this has started to take a toll on her, it's like she's suffering. She has also cried cca once per 2 weeks when we went to sleep for the last couple of months. I calmed her down every time but I feel like she is suffering and it makes me feel horrible.

The stuff I wrote in the paragraph above - I don't do that .... on purpose, it's just how I function, I don't even think about it.

I've been thinking about breaking up semi-constantly for the last couple of months but I'm afraid that it would destroy her. She is attached to me far more than Im attached to her. In addition, exams are in a month and Im afraid breaking up with her would cause her to fail. Another thing I'm concerned about is that if we break up she'll automatically be 'kicked' out of the squad - she does have other friends but when it comes to group studying before exams, going out to party, going to lunch, coffee etc. she ALWAYS comes along with me and my friends, and these are daily rituals. If we break up, Im afraid this will no longer be possible since I cant imagine her staying friends with me since I'll probably break her heart. 
On the other hand, I also feel not telling her how I feel is not fair towards her and I hate to see her suffer from my obvious lack of attention towards her. I think that my feelings wont go away with time and the longer I prolong this the harder it will get. If I am to do this, I need to do it before july, because we have our 2nd year anniversary then and she'll 100% buy me something nice (she likes buying big gifts) so it would really be a dick move to waste her money and then let her know that this isnt working.

TL;DR 
I am no longer in love with my GF of 2 years. I think I want to break up but the problem is she is very dependent on me and I feel like it would break her.

So my fellow forum members, any advice on how I should handle this situation? I feel unhappy and I need to do something but it looks like a lose-lose situation in my eyes.

Sorry for the wall of text


----------



## MFB

If I had to wager, I'd say Russ would probably be your man to talk to about that scenario (provided he's willing to lend his support of course)


----------



## broj15

Simic said:


> The thing is, over the period of the last 6 or so months, my feelings towards her changed significantly. I still care for her very much, but I'm not in love with her anymore



Been there, done that (maybe even on both sides of the situation?). It's not fair to you or her to stay in a relationship that one or both of you aren't 100% invested in. I was with my ex for not quite 3 years or as I like to say about a year longer than I should've been. Sometimes it's not the actual person your in love with, but having someone around to spend time with (or a guaranteed lay). People are incredibly resilient and can bounce back from a lot of sh_i_t so I wouldn't worry too much about her long term well being. This debatable but I do think staying with her till your exams are over is commendable and maybe even a good idea. Dealing with exams and the end of a long term relationship would put her under a lot of stress. As far as the whole friends situation goes, that's inevitable when any long term relationship comes to an end. By the time me and my ex split my friends had become her friends and vice versa. I lost a couple in the fallout, but overall I'm much better off now and I know she is as well, and I'm sure the same will be said for you and your gf in time. Either way good luck with everything. Love is a minefield.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Simic said:


> TL;DR
> I am no longer in love with my GF of 2 years. I think I want to break up but the problem is she is very dependent on me and I feel like it would break her.
> 
> So my fellow forum members, any advice on how I should handle this situation? I feel unhappy and I need to do something but it looks like a lose-lose situation in my eyes.
> 
> Sorry for the wall of text



It's not fair to her nor is it fair to yourself. You really need to talk with her about your feelings. Nothing will get any better if you simply suppress these kinds of thoughts. It doesn't even necessarily mean that you two should immediately split... but it needs to be communicated so that both parties are able to make decisions while considering honest aspects of the relationship. It's kinda your responsibility imo... same as if she had feelings like this... You would deserve to know and hopefully you would WANT to know. Always be respectful and listen to her feelings as well.. This is a very valid thing to discuss and no matter what ultimately happens, you will at least both be on the same page. Hopefully she feels as though she can be honest with you as well. If the relationship winds up worth saving, there are certainly avenues to travel in regards to counseling. Best of luck


----------



## russmuller

Simic said:


> TL;DR
> I am no longer in love with my GF of 2 years. I think I want to break up but the problem is she is very dependent on me and I feel like it would break her.
> 
> So my fellow forum members, any advice on how I should handle this situation? I feel unhappy and I need to do something but it looks like a lose-lose situation in my eyes.
> 
> Sorry for the wall of text



I'll echo broj15's advice.

It sounds like this relationship isn't right for you. I've definitely been in similar situations and I can tell you that it's possible to improve and prolong the relationship, but unless she develops her own independence it's not going to work. Simply put, it seems like your needs are mutually exclusive; no configuration will keep both of you happy.

You can't let someone's reaction to breaking up keep you a prisoner in a relationship. She's survived the end of a long relationship before, and she'll survive it again. Yes, you'll probably drift away from a few friends as a result. Be that from taking sides or simply from creating space so that she can lean on them without those friends feeling like they're caught in the middle of something, that's alright.

My ex of 5 1/2 years and I still pretty much have a mutual best friend, and that friend agrees that splitting up was a good idea. We never tried to make her pick sides and we're independently close with her. So splitting up doesn't always mean you'll lose friends or grow apart, just try to be as honest and mature about it as you can.

Sometimes even the neediest and clingiest of partners can surprise you when you're open and honest about your negative feelings in the relationship. If I were you, I'd wait until finals were over and then tell her that lately you've been feeling like your relationship isn't a healthy one. Be honest that your distance/coldness/aloofness/inattentiveness/whatever_you_want_to_call_it isn't out of cruelty, but simply because you need space and that you don't feel right that tending to your own needs brings her suffering. Let her know that you want her to be happy and fulfilled, but that you can't provide that in a way that's sustainable.

She might resist, she might argue, she might rationalize, she might break down, or she might surprise you. Be open, and remember that you're doing the best you can for both of you even if it hurts and it's uncomfortable.

That's a sticky situation, but I wish you the best of luck.


----------



## glpg80

I need help on this one guys.

My background:

Working towards 3 degrees in 3 years, highly independent, try to keep my grades up, and have friendships which I hold close to my heart and would do anything to help those in need if asked. School, personal life, the guy drunken texts are sent to. Wear my heart on my shoulders and trust too easily in relationships. My parents raised me to grow up early and figure the real world out the hard way.

Her background:
Natural born leader. 8 years martial arts/blackbelt. Dad has a masters degree in engineering and has taught her everything she knows to get ahead in school. She's becoming president of an honors society, vice president of another honors society, sorority member for women in engineering.

Age difference is a problem here - 7 years between us and I'm the oldest.

The problem:
I saw this girl around campus at uni sitting isolated and studying, never thought anything of it. We met at one of the honor societies we're both members of - she was running for VP. We started talking about dogs, and there was chemistry between us.

Things moved quickly - we traded numbers and started talking a few weeks later. We had a lot in common - all the weird stuff it normally takes months to figure out. Both like to cook, sleeping temperatures, life goals, favourite foods, both are artistic, the list goes on and on. Said she wanted to watch certain movies together, loved that I was easy to talk to, wanted to take me out to deep sea fishing with her family since they live on the coast, etc. We hung out and went to the movies, but it was always with friends and never just us. She seemed like she wanted to get attached, but not too attached to the point of others noticing which was understandable given we had not known each other very long and she has a reputation to uphold. Regardless, text messages every morning, wanted me to create a snapchat so she could send snapchats, things were seemingly great for a matter of about 3 weeks. Felt like I was on top of the world.

When we started to talk, she said she had just got out of a bad relationship. I don't know a definite time scale, but at the time I would say no less than 5 weeks minimum. She dated this guy for about a year, and he broke her heart around February. She couldn't keep her .... together in classes and would randomly start crying.

There's a mutual friend that we both know, we will call him fred. fred was introduced to me through one of my closest friends way before this girl and I started talking. I had no idea fred and this girl were best friends who had known each other for a long time - many years. This was information found out later when we were talking with one another. fred became man in the middle, and this is where it gets dangerous later on.

When things started to change:
She has a close friend, we will call him bob, who she's known for a while. Her sorority and his fraternity had a formal planned for the beach. She was painting this friend a cooler because he asked her to do so. Her and I are both engineering students, so this formal ordeal is right in the middle of when things are picking up near the end of the semester. Stress levels were real.

bob and her went to this beach formal, and the entire time she was texting how she hated it, didnt want to be there, wasnt what she expected, didnt know the frat brothers that well, etc. fast forward a day, and that's when i started getting drunken text messages on a saturday night about how much she misses her ex, would do anything for this boy, gave him her everything, pretty much a mental breakdown while away from home and I'm the one she's unloading all of this on. she admitted to calling her dad in tears. At first it makes me realize we're in trouble because I started to fall for this girl hard, and now she's basically admitting defeat and failing the desire to move on. I got really nervous and uncomfortable because things were moving way too fast and my workload for uni I could tell was getting ready to be jeopardized.

sunday rolls around and we're talking on the way back through texting, but it's awkward. it definitely doesn't feel the same, almost forced friendship like. Sunday night rolls around and she's just starting schoolwork around 12:30 in the morning - she lets me know she has work to do, but this is not a girl who procrastinates. I figured she probably slept after getting back home, no big deal.

Come to find out her ex called her (I think she drunk called him saturday) and she agreed to meet him in person sunday afternoon when she got back. She claimed she wasn't getting back together with him, but that he was back in the picture and she didn't know to what extent yet. Apparently since then friends have said they have pictures together on facebook. I believe I was blocked from seeing anything from her or her friends, so there's no way for me to know at all in that regard.

Regardless, monday through that friday we don't talk at all. I speak to another friend of hers and find out about her ex and her being on good terms via word of mouth. Wasn't hunting for this information, but it was stated anyway. Regardless, she had mentioned before she hated his guts and didn't want to see this guy that same drunken saturday night. 

I confronted her about this via text message and she said she felt as though she didn't want more than to be friends, because she still loves her ex. She claimed she had been telling me this all along multiple times. She said she's always loved her ex, and because she has always loved her ex, that it wasn't fair for me. She admitted to meeting her ex that sunday when they got back in person, said that she felt she needed to distance herself because I was always overstepping boundaries, and that she just wanted me to be a best friend like bob and fred.

I felt absolutely heart broken. Not only did I trust this girl, I was falling in love with her. Not only was I falling for her, she started to fabricating lies that basically disrespected me as a person and my feelings overall. This was someone who I had invested a lot of time in to try to comfort her with the breakup while also trying to give her the space she needed and said she desired. In reality she was just using me to tool up and let both barrels go in my face it seems. All of the things we had built up came crashing down in a matter of a single text message. 

I replied shortly after receiving that message, because I knew over a 5 day period of not talking that it had pretty much came to a head at that moment. I told her that friendships are like relationships, in that they are both built on trust. I told her that not only do I feel lied to, but I had proof based on her actions that what she was saying, versus what she actually did, were not matching up at all. Basically actions speak louder than words. I told her to do whatever makes her happy - whether talking to her ex as a friend or trying to mend the relationship they had built. But I also told her that going back to someone like that does not change the fact that trust was broken - the year long relationship basically doesn't matter anymore.

In summary I basically told her that not only do I no longer trust her, that I basically have no desire to want to even be friends anymore. Basically back to not knowing one another at all.

She never replied, and she started to really distance herself. Basically called her BS and I believe she didn't have a reply to give. In return she isolated my friends from me to study with them, she avoided the places I stay during the day, wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't even look in my general direction. She took alternate routes to bus stops and other things that I knew she normally did because we're forced to see one another being that we have similar majors. It borderline became a severe level of emotional abuse that was really ....ing me over because there was absolutely zero closure between us, yet we're still forced to see one another so often.

Insert Fred into the picture - that night approaches. He asked if I was alright. I was not in the state of mind to study alone like I normally do in lecture halls and asked for him to stop by that night on campus. I let out alot then, and let out even more back when I got home. He knows I cared for her, and had her best interests in mind. I've been a mental wreck since all of this has happened.

I'm having a problem moving on, letting go, and just coming to terms that we had so much in common that is now meaningless. Worst part is that fred is caught in the middle - he's going to echo anything I say about her because of their close friendship and I honestly don't know how I should handle him overall. I don't trust the guy, and quite honestly why should I given what has recently happened.

People were talking around school, and the relationship just felt right. I have attachment issues because I'm empathetic and let my guard down. Now I'm paying for it in the long run and have no way of ever getting closure from this emotional attachment.

I felt like I had to burn the friendship bridge that she wanted. Completely. I've never had to do that before with someone, let alone someone that I had feelings for. It's taking everything I have to be the better person here and deal with the repercussions of that decision. She knows I'm hurting over this, and how she has treated me has actually hurt her image in the eyes of those who thought they knew her.

Special advice request:
We will be seeing each other more often in the fall, and I have no idea how to deal with fred, her, any of the events we will both be required to work for the honors societies, ambassador events, and so on. Friends who know about all of this definitely will judge her differently than she normally carries herself which is also sad/bad/not good.

TL;DR
I feel like I actually had something at some point, there was chemistry, chemistry randomly disappeared from her, and now I have nothing. Not only do I no longer have it, I had to step up to forcefully kill anything left in any form of a friendship out of respect for myself and my own heart with how she handled my feelings and how she failed to be up front. In doing so, there's a cluster.... of emotions, and I feel like I got the worst end of this ordeal and that she has learned nothing from any of it. Basically lose/lose my end and win/win for her.


----------



## TedEH

^ I hate to say it, and you probably don't want to hear it, but unless she very clearly communicated to you that what the two of you were doing was some kind of committed arrangement, then she kinda owes you nothing. Sometimes friends have chemistry that strains the friendship- and on top of that, separations can be awfully complicated for anyone to navigate. It sucks, but it is what it is.

There's nothin wrong with having strong feelings for someone who isn't committed to you, or doesn't always return the sentiment. Sure, it's not ideal, but its on you to make the best of it, to enjoy whatever you do get from that relationship, and to not take it personally if she's not in the same place right now. Some of my best friends are ladies I either do have, or have had, feeling for that were not returned, but we both respect where we stand, and the honesty about it is a large part of why the friendship works as well as it does.


----------



## russmuller

glpg80 said:


> TL;DR
> I feel like I actually had something at some point, there was chemistry, chemistry randomly disappeared from her, and now I have nothing. Not only do I no longer have it, I had to step up to forcefully kill anything left in any form of a friendship out of respect for myself and my own heart with how she handled my feelings and how she failed to be up front. In doing so, there's a cluster.... of emotions, and I feel like I got the worst end of this ordeal and that she has learned nothing from any of it. Basically lose/lose my end and win/win for her.



Ted is right; she doesn't owe you anything. Don't blame her for not living up to your expectations. Instead, try to understand how and why you built up those expectations so that you can nip them in the bud the next time they come around.

Just let her be in peace. You don't know what she's learned (maybe she's learned that she's not ready to be involved), and it's not your duty to teach her anything. Take some deep breaths, let go, and learn what you can from the experience.


----------



## flint757

glpg80 said:


> I saw this girl around campus at uni sitting isolated and studying, never thought anything of it. We met at one of the honor societies we're both members of - she was running for VP. We started talking about dogs, and there was chemistry between us. Things moved quickly - we traded numbers and started talking a few weeks later. We had a lot in common - all the weird stuff it normally takes months to figure out. Both like to cook, sleeping temperatures, life goals, favourite foods, both are artistic, the list goes on and on. Said she wanted to watch certain movies together, loved that I was easy to talk to, wanted to take me out to deep sea fishing with her family since they live on the coast, etc.



Worth noting that chemistry manifests itself in two ways, love and friendship. One would think that these things are ideal for a romantic relationship, but ultimately this isn't always the case. Consider the fact that if you have guy friends you probably think you have a lot in common with them as well, but, assuming you aren't bi, you probably don't want things to go down the romantic path. The same can be applied to your current situation. Her being a woman doesn't by default mean this will work out any other way. One of my best friends used to be a woman I had feelings for that were not completely reciprocated. In her mind the chemistry made for a good foundation for friendship and in mine a relationship. It happens. We texted every morning and went everywhere together. We even occasionally had flings, but ultimately we were only friends because she didn't really feel the same way. 



glpg80 said:


> *We hung out and went to the movies, but it was always with friends and never just us. She seemed like she wanted to get attached, but not too attached to the point of others noticing* which was understandable given we had not known each other very long and she has a reputation to uphold. Regardless, text messages every morning, wanted me to create a snapchat so she could send snapchats, things were seemingly great for a matter of about 3 weeks. Felt like I was on top of the world.
> 
> When we started to talk, *she said she had just got out of a bad relationship*. I don't know a definite time scale, but at the time I would say no less than 5 weeks minimum. *She dated this guy for about a year, and he broke her heart* around February. She couldn't keep her .... together in classes and would randomly start crying.



See nothing in here would imply to me y'all were in a serious committed relationship and it would honestly seem she was indeed sending the correct signals from the get go. Perhaps it could have been stated more clearly, but typically when relationship talks get started and one party mentions they just got out of a really bad relationship it usually means they do not want to date. That could be now or that could be indefinitely. Typically, people never state which they mean, I'm assuming to avoid the awkward confrontation or out of fear of losing a good friendship.



glpg80 said:


> *bob and her went to this beach formal*, and the entire time she was texting how she hated it, didnt want to be there, wasnt what she expected, didnt know the frat brothers that well, etc. fast forward a day, and that's when i started getting *drunken text messages on a saturday night about how much she misses her ex*, *would do anything for this boy, gave him her everything*, pretty much a mental breakdown while away from home and *I'm the one she's unloading all of this on.* she admitted to calling her dad in tears. At first it makes me realize we're in trouble because I started to fall for this girl hard, and now she's basically admitting defeat and failing the desire to move on. I got really nervous and uncomfortable because things were moving way too fast and my workload for uni I could tell was getting ready to be jeopardized.



These are all things I'd expect a friend would tell me honestly. In fact, my girl friend (as in friend who is a girl) has done this countless times. She'd call me because she can't sleep, tell me she misses her ex, etc. If women truly believe you are their friend they often talk to you about things that in a guys mind we'd expect them to leave to their girl friends. As for admitting defeat, it doesn't actually sound like she ever moved on from your post and things sound awfully platonic so far.



glpg80 said:


> Come to find out her ex called her (*I think she drunk called him saturday*) and she *agreed to meet him* in person sunday afternoon when she got back. She claimed she wasn't getting back together with him, but that *he was back in the picture and she didn't know to what extent yet*. Apparently since then friends have said they have pictures together on facebook. I believe I was blocked from seeing anything from her or her friends, so there's no way for me to know at all in that regard.
> 
> Regardless, monday through that friday we don't talk at all. I speak to another friend of hers and find out about *her ex and her being on good terms* via word of mouth. Wasn't hunting for this information, but it was stated anyway. Regardless, she had mentioned before she hated his guts and didn't want to see this guy that same drunken saturday night.
> 
> I confronted her about this via text message and she said she felt as though* she didn't want more than to be friends, because she still loves her ex*. She *claimed she had been telling me this all along multiple times*. She said she's *always loved her ex, and because she has always loved her ex, that it wasn't fair for me*. She admitted to meeting her ex that sunday when they got back in person, said that she *felt she needed to distance herself because I was always overstepping boundaries*, and that she just *wanted me to be a best friend like bob and fre*d.



Honestly, seems pretty on point and obvious from the outside looking in. The mere fact that Bob and Fred exist is testament to the fact that she does indeed do the guy friend thing. You stated you were falling for her hard and that it wasn't being reciprocated, which would likely lead to scenarios where you are indeed overstepping (you very well may not have been though; something to consider nonetheless).



glpg80 said:


> I felt *absolutely heart broken*. Not only did I trust this girl, I *was falling in love with her*. Not only was I falling for her, she started to fabricating lies that basically disrespected me as a person and my feelings overall. This was someone who I had *invested a lot of time in to try to comfort her with the breakup while also trying to give her the space she needed* and said she desired. In reality she was just using me to tool up and let both barrels go in my face it seems. All of the things we had built up came crashing down in a matter of a single text message.



I'm only getting from your situation what you've told us, but it doesn't read at all like your last two sentences. It's completely understandable that your heart's broken and that you're upset about the situation, but sometimes feelings aren't reciprocated the same way. From what you're saying she never got close intimately, dates tended to be in groups, she took another friend to an event, and she has other really close guy friends that she doesn't think of in any way, but platonic. It really isn't a reach that she did want the same for you that she had with Fred and Bob.



glpg80 said:


> I replied shortly after receiving that message, because I knew over a 5 day period of not talking that it had pretty much came to a head at that moment. I told her that friendships are like relationships, in that they are both built on trust. I told her that not only do I feel lied to, but I had proof based on her actions that what she was saying, versus what she actually did, were not matching up at all. Basically actions speak louder than words. I told her to do whatever makes her happy - whether talking to her ex as a friend or trying to mend the relationship they had built. But I also told her that going back to someone like that does not change the fact that trust was broken - the year long relationship basically doesn't matter anymore.
> 
> In summary I basically told her that not only do I no longer trust her, that I basically have no desire to want to even be friends anymore. Basically back to not knowing one another at all.



Your frustration is understandable, but on the same token did your friendship mean so little to you that you are willing to drop her completely? Since you have romantic interest I'd say distance isn't a bad idea so you can move on, but consider what else you got from the friendship to decide whether or not you want to stop talking to her all together. Considering you guys clicked on a lot of levels that's also a good foundation for friendship just as much as it is for a romantic relationship. IME it's pretty rare that you meet people, in general, that fit with you like a puzzle piece even when it comes to friends. I personally only have one friend who I'm like that with.



glpg80 said:


> She never replied, and she started to really distance herself. Basically called her BS and I believe she didn't have a reply to give. In return she isolated my friends from me to study with them, she avoided the places I stay during the day, wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't even look in my general direction. She took alternate routes to bus stops and other things that I knew she normally did because we're forced to see one another being that we have similar majors. It borderline became a severe level of emotional abuse that was really ....ing me over because there was absolutely zero closure between us, yet we're still forced to see one another so often.



Read back to yourself what you told her. One might expect a response, given the gravity of the situation, but you were the one who severed that line, so a response was never really guaranteed.



glpg80 said:


> Insert Fred into the picture - that night approaches. He asked if I was alright. I was not in the state of mind to study alone like I normally do in lecture halls and asked for him to stop by that night on campus. I let out alot then, and let out even more back when I got home. He knows *I cared for her, and had her best interests in mind*. I've been a mental wreck since all of this has happened.
> 
> I'm having a problem moving on, letting go, and just coming to terms that *we had so much in common that is now meaningless.* Worst part is that fred is caught in the middle - he's going to echo anything I say about her because of their close friendship and I honestly don't know how I should handle him overall. *I don't trust the guy*, and quite honestly why should I given what has recently happened.



Why does it have to be meaningless though? This is going to sound really harsh most likely, but it sounds like you had your own interests in mind, not hers. At the end of it all you got a very clear rejection, as far as a romantic relationship at least, so clearly it is not what she wants. Do you have any justified reason not to trust Fred or do you think he's interested in her romantically too and might change your words? Do you believe men and women can be just friends? Sincere questions and you don't have to respond, but it's something worth thinking about.



glpg80 said:


> Special advice request:
> We will be seeing each other more often in the fall, and I have no idea how to deal with fred, her, any of the events we will both be required to work for the honors societies, ambassador events, and so on. Friends who know about all of this definitely will judge her differently than she normally carries herself which is also sad/bad/not good.



I'm still unclear how Fred fits in all this, but if you need time and distance I definitely see the issue you're being presented with. The only thing you can do really is just pray you move one over the summer.

What are you leaving out that would cause people to be judgmental towards her? Honestly, from what you've wrote, she may not have been the most transparent, but nothing seems so ridiculously horrible that people should be judging her in a negative light. For those not directly affected, so anyone other than you and her, I would think it would only be a passing thought and nothing else.



glpg80 said:


> I feel like I actually had something at some point, there was chemistry, chemistry randomly disappeared from her, and now I have nothing. Not only do I no longer have it, I had to step up to forcefully kill anything left in any form of a friendship out of respect for myself and my own heart with how she handled my feelings and how she failed to be up front. In doing so, there's a cluster.... of emotions, and I* feel like I got the worst end of this ordeal and that she has learned nothing from any of it. Basically lose/lose my end and win/win for her*.



What do you feel she needs to learn from this situation? Are you referring to the ex? There's knowledge to be gained for you from this experience as well.

I understand why you felt this was a lose/lose for yourself, but the idea that you think she has a win/win situation is only the anger talking. At the very least, she lost a good friend from all of this and you said people are judging her negatively as well. Things on campus are now more awkward for the *both* of you because you can't completely avoid each other either.

She's doing what she feels is right for herself. It wasn't what you wanted so you bailed (also a completely acceptable choice to make). She probably could have been more clear, or perhaps you more aware of what she was actually saying, if she were being mostly transparent [wasn't there so I personally wouldn't know], but nothing you've said would lead me to believe she was being inconsistent. 

Rule #1: People don't talk about missing their exes with people they either are or want to be romantically involved with. That's totally friend territory and if you can get past your feelings it sounds like you two would actually make really good friends.


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## Ibanezsam4

glpg80 said:


> a long wall of txt filled with lessons to be learned




anytime a women talks drama about her personal life and it is not immediately followed up by "i wish you were here holding me/slash having an adult good time with our private parts" means you are a friend. 

people don't typically dump all their drama on someone they're trying to impress. 

my advice: next time you have a female who you are attracted to, do not become a go-to person for advice or a shoulder to cry on. the second emotional dependence comes into the equation the waters become murky. 

keep an attractive flirty distance and their reaction will tell the whole story of whether or not their interested. 

as for the fall, man up and say you let your emotions get the better of you and that you're sorry. she can take it or leave it. but its the right thing to do and would make life easier as it goes on


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## glpg80

flint757 said:


> Worth noting that chemistry manifests itself in two ways, love and friendship. One would think that these things are ideal for a romantic relationship, but ultimately this isn't always the case. Consider the fact that if you have guy friends you probably think you have a lot in common with them as well, but, assuming you aren't bi, you probably don't want things to go down the romantic path. The same can be applied to your current situation. Her being a woman doesn't by default mean this will work out any other way. One of my best friends used to be a woman I had feelings for that were not completely reciprocated. In her mind the chemistry made for a good foundation for friendship and in mine a relationship. It happens. We texted every morning and went everywhere together. We even occasionally had flings, but ultimately we were only friends because she didn't really feel the same way.


 
Here's the thing, fred was being sent messages from her which proved there was more than a mutual friendship desire. At the time, she didn't know that I had already met fred. We were so close to one another at one point, that even fred's girlfriend mistakenly thought we were dating. It wasn't that I was forcing something which wasn't there, it's that she was leading me on to believe it was honest but then had an immediate change of heart and/or decided her ex was just more of what she wanted. I just don't understand why she felt as though she could do that, bring her ex back into the picture as a friend, and still think I'd be perfectly alright with being friends as well. Once that line has been crossed on either side it's never been my experience for things to ever work out. Things always stay awkward, and that's where we're at now.



flint757 said:


> See nothing in here would imply to me y'all were in a serious committed relationship and it would honestly seem she was indeed sending the correct signals from the get go. Perhaps it could have been stated more clearly, but typically when relationship talks get started and one party mentions they just got out of a really bad relationship it usually means they do not want to date. That could be now or that could be indefinitely. Typically, people never state which they mean, I'm assuming to avoid the awkward confrontation or out of fear of losing a good friendship.



She came to me for comfort, and I was crazy enough to let my guard down and give it. As mentioned before there is undeniable doubt that she was sending mixed signals throughout all of this, and it didn't help that her relationship with her ex was involved near the end.



flint757 said:


> These are all things I'd expect a friend would tell me honestly. In fact, my girl friend (as in friend who is a girl) has done this countless times. She'd call me because she can't sleep, tell me she misses her ex, etc. If women truly believe you are their friend they often talk to you about things that in a guys mind we'd expect them to leave to their girl friends. As for admitting defeat, it doesn't actually sound like she ever moved on from your post and things sound awfully platonic so far.



I have countless girl friends which I can talk to, and one of them I did bring aside and get her point of view out of all of this mess. I really trust her, and if anything it's brought our friendship together much closer. But this girl mentioning this to me, if anything it was a sign of something much worse. Remember, we had only just met roughly 5 weeks prior, it was all too quick and all too much at one time to take in. The girl friend that I pulled aside to talk to I have known for years now. It's a trust thing if anything else, and I feel like her nor I were being true to one another to have conversations like that so soon.




flint757 said:


> Honestly, seems pretty on point and obvious from the outside looking in. The mere fact that Bob and Fred exist is testament to the fact that she does indeed do the guy friend thing. You stated you were falling for her hard and that it wasn't being reciprocated, which would likely lead to scenarios where you are indeed overstepping (you very well may not have been though; something to consider nonetheless).



That's where I failed to mention that it was being reciprocated vicariously through others, but she was doing something else in person completely different. It should also be noted the movie night was with the honors society people, so theres a level of professionalism that has to be upheld that I failed to involve. The night we slept together holding hands and sharing stories, she stated that the only reason she didn't want to get into a relationship with me was because I would leave her like everyone else has. That to me is a trust issue, and that's where I drew the line. This happened after the beach vacation with bob and was after we were at a party together. Even at the party, we were sitting together/leaning on one another and we were having a great time.




flint757 said:


> I'm only getting from your situation what you've told us, but it doesn't read at all like your last two sentences. It's completely understandable that your heart's broken and that you're upset about the situation, but sometimes feelings aren't reciprocated the same way. From what you're saying she never got close intimately, dates tended to be in groups, she took another friend to an event, and she has other really close guy friends that she doesn't think of in any way, but platonic. It really isn't a reach that she did want the same for you that she had with Fred and Bob.



Re-evaluate after this reply. Why would she bring her ex back into the picture to be one of these close guy friends, while admitting not to get back with him, but still loving him/always loving him? She wanted to be best friends with me on the level of bob and fred, but she admitted that she also felt she needed to distance herself at the same time. That makes me feel horrible as a person, and is part of the reason I have done my best to cut all possible ties because she literally won't sit down and talk to me about this after giving her an honest opinion on our friendship and where we both currently are.



flint757 said:


> Your frustration is understandable, but on the same token did your friendship mean so little to you that you are willing to drop her completely? Since you have romantic interest I'd say distance isn't a bad idea so you can move on, but consider what else you got from the friendship to decide whether or not you want to stop talking to her all together. Considering you guys clicked on a lot of levels that's also a good foundation for friendship just as much as it is for a romantic relationship. IME it's pretty rare that you meet people, in general, that fit with you like a puzzle piece even when it comes to friends. I personally only have one friend who I'm like that with.



I'll be honest man, I've never clicked with anyone on that level, let alone that quick, ever in my entire life. A lot of people knew we had a lot in common, and word traveled really fast that things were going on between our friends. It's not that I don't want to be friends, but there is something else here I forgot to mention that's important which is a deciding factor. She feels like she has to be in competition with men, and plays the women in engineering card extremely hard. She got an internship through a company I had tried to gain a few years ago and she did it with less outstanding credentials. Fast forward after exams and right before summer started, the only words she spoke to me was throwing that internship in my face/saying she got accepted. That's extremely spiteful and by all means not friendship level at all. 



flint757 said:


> Read back to yourself what you told her. One might expect a response, given the gravity of the situation, but you were the one who severed that line, so a response was never really guaranteed.
> 
> Why does it have to be meaningless though? This is going to sound really harsh most likely, but it sounds like you had your own interests in mind, not hers.



Fair enough. It comes down to the fact that I rather have quality friendships over quantity, and right now she hasn't showed true friendship anything to me for me to believe it's better than anything I've got at the moment. My friends are people that know they can come to me for help and no judgement will ever be passed in either direction. It's mutual respect. The fact she feels like its women vs men and feels as though she had to throw that internship in my face after verbally and physically isolating herself from me after my response proves that point very clearly. I cannot and will not be friends with someone who is spiteful, and the fact that emotional attachment was involved at one point complicates matters even more. Insert fred, for example.




flint757 said:


> At the end of it all you got a very clear rejection, as far as a romantic relationship at least, so clearly it is not what she wants. Do you have any justified reason not to trust Fred or do you think he's interested in her romantically too and might change your words? Do you believe men and women can be just friends? Sincere questions and you don't have to respond, but it's something worth thinking about.



I did get a very clear rejection, and that is quite obvious. Things will never work out between us simply because her family ideals and how she was raised will never work with how my parents raised me. I cannot relate to having everything I've ever worked for simply given to me. School, new car, housing, living expenses, credit cards, taxes, you name it. Moral ideals in the bigger picture do not line up here, and she's very much one of those that status symbols matter to her more than anything else. That's why she's doing the leadership positions IMHO - women versus men and she enjoys the power it allows her to have. Again, that's not friendship level anything I can relate to and the wrong reasons for which anything honest can be built from in my point of view.



flint757 said:


> I'm still unclear how Fred fits in all this, but if you need time and distance I definitely see the issue you're being presented with. The only thing you can do really is just pray you move one over the summer.



Fred was the wingman, the glue that proved she had feelings, the one that she trusts. Fred is a great person and I have no problem with him at all, but with how close they are in general, I don't feel as though I can trust him at the level I trust my other friends. He's picked sides and I'm more of a person once again of quality over quantity. I'm at the moment willing to just let time play out how things work out in that regard. But knowing this girl, it makes things super awkward now that fred and I are also acquainted with one another.



flint757 said:


> What are you leaving out that would cause people to be judgmental towards her? Honestly, from what you've wrote, she may not have been the most transparent, but nothing seems so ridiculously horrible that people should be judging her in a negative light. For those not directly affected, so anyone other than you and her, I would think it would only be a passing thought and nothing else.



She fails to back up her leadership skills with actual leadership. She complains about having to step in when other people fail, and would rather milk any form of action without putting the effort in. I know this based on her actions within programs at the uni.



flint757 said:


> What do you feel she needs to learn from this situation? Are you referring to the ex? There's knowledge to be gained for you from this experience as well.



I feel like it's not OK to treat someone like she did, and refuse to confront me in person if that made her feel uncomfortable even if it was to be done in a public area for safety. I do not deserve to be targeted like that, and it's not OK for her to jump to conclusions so quickly. I also feel as though it's time she be held accountable for the lies. I would rather not play this off in the long run because you're responsible for your actions. It's all about accountability, and most of my friends feel as though she reacted childishly. There's a lot of other details I'm leaving out because I'm only one person and can remember only so much.



flint757 said:


> I understand why you felt this was a lose/lose for yourself, but the idea that you think she has a win/win situation is only the anger talking. At the very least, she lost a good friend from all of this and you said people are judging her negatively as well. Things on campus are now more awkward for the *both* of you because you can't completely avoid each other either.



You're absolutely right. How we will avoid one another from this point on I have no idea. I know that I cannot trust her to make an amended friendship, and even back then If I had agreed to be best friends, it wasn't on good terms or with mutual trust that it would have been made. I just feel as though I was always someone that was either for her, or against her, like I have a crosshair on my forehead now because of it. Someone to out-do, put down, etc.



flint757 said:


> She's doing what she feels is right for herself. It wasn't what you wanted so you bailed (also a completely acceptable choice to make). She probably could have been more clear, or perhaps you more aware of what she was actually saying, if she were being mostly transparent [wasn't there so I personally wouldn't know], but nothing you've said would lead me to believe she was being inconsistent.



re-assess this comment after this post please.



flint757 said:


> Rule #1: People don't talk about missing their exes with people they either are or want to be romantically involved with. That's totally friend territory and if you can get past your feelings it sounds like you two would actually make really good friends.



I really don't see us being close friends. The fact I feel like I can read her like an open book really scared her. The fact I cannot stop talking about her shows there's a need for distance between us because it's unhealthy at the moment, and I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to trust her on a friendship level, let alone ever again. The problem is that I cared. I cared too soon, too quickly, and the feelings she initially had were shared with fred, but hidden in plain sight. For what reason I'm not sure, and honestly I'll never know. It's superfluous information at this point anyway.


----------



## flint757

glpg80 said:


> She came to me for comfort, and I was crazy enough to let my guard down and give it. As mentioned before there is undeniable doubt that she was sending mixed signals throughout all of this, and it didn't help that her relationship with her ex was involved near the end.



I wan't questioning that there might be mixed signals, but that her behavior from your first post didn't seem wildly different as I was reading (but it is all written in hindsight so some of that is to be expected).

As for advice on that subject, dating should be pretty clear cut. If you have to ask you probably aren't. I assume you are saying that you weren't officially dating, but her body language and general communication came across as if she might eventually be more interested. If this is the case it's like a mirror image to my past situation I went through several years ago. I let it be known from the get go that I liked her a lot, but she wasn't as interested. So she thought, or so I assume, that the only way to keep me around was to flirt with me, and other such stuff, every now and then or I'd just bolt. My situation was still very ambiguous during that time period and looking back when I can reflect on it I lean back on the idea that if you have to ask or think about it you probably aren't dating so dating etiquette seems to go right out the window, even if it can sometimes present itself in poor taste.



glpg80 said:


> That's where I failed to mention that it was being reciprocated vicariously through others, but she was doing something else in person completely different. It should also be noted the movie night was with the honors society people, so theres a level of professionalism that has to be upheld that I failed to involve. The night we slept together holding hands and sharing stories, *she stated that the only reason she didn't want to get into a relationship with me was because I would leave her like everyone else has*. That to me is a trust issue, and that's where I drew the line. This happened after the beach vacation with bob and was after we were at a party together. Even at the party, we were sitting together/leaning on one another and we were having a great time.



Now see that would have cleared up a lot of things for me reading through the first time. 

Yeah, I'm not sure what to make of that in conjunction with everything else. If her ex caused her to have trust issues, then she claimed she only didn't want to be with you because of trust issues, then she goes back to the ex anyhow, it certainly defies all logic and I imagine stings quite a bit.

I'd definitely call that a lead-on, in hindsight, with no intention of follow through. The little nugget to keep you content to stick around, if you were the type to bail when feelings are denied (from her perspective). 




glpg80 said:


> Re-evaluate after this reply. Why would she bring her ex back into the picture to be one of these close guy friends, while admitting not to get back with him, but still loving him/always loving him? She wanted to be best friends with me on the level of bob and fred, but she admitted that she also felt she needed to distance herself at the same time. That makes me feel horrible as a person, and is part of the reason I have done my best to cut all possible ties because she literally won't sit down and talk to me about this after giving her an honest opinion on our friendship and where we both currently are.



Yeah your re-write changes the context quite a bit. If you were forward at all, like she stated, some of it would still be understandable, even if only emotionally driven, but the fact that she'd dangle the opportunity just under your nose is just as forward. It would appear her intentions were just different in hindsight. I'd say you ended up in the stereotypical friend-zone (the kind where someone is deliberately put there by misleading behavior from either party, not just simply denied). 



glpg80 said:


> I'll be honest man, I've never clicked with anyone on that level, let alone that quick, ever in my entire life. A lot of people knew we had a lot in common, and word traveled really fast that things were going on between our friends. It's not that I don't want to be friends, but there is something else here I forgot to mention that's important which is a deciding factor. She feels like she has to be in competition with men, and plays the women in engineering card extremely hard. She got an internship through a company I had tried to gain a few years ago and she did it with less outstanding credentials. Fast forward after exams and right before summer started, *the only words she spoke to me was throwing that internship in my face/saying she got accepted. That's extremely spiteful and by all means not friendship level at all*.



In like a playful trash talking sort of way or in a I want to make you feel awful sort of way? In either case dwelling on it isn't necessary if your intention is to drop this situation like a hot potato.



glpg80 said:


> Fair enough. It comes down to the fact that I rather have quality friendships over quantity, and right now she hasn't showed true friendship anything to me for me to believe it's better than anything I've got at the moment. My friends are people that know they can come to me for help and no judgement will ever be passed in either direction. It's mutual respect. The fact she feels like its women vs men and feels as though she had to throw that internship in my face after verbally and physically isolating herself from me after my response proves that point very clearly. I cannot and will not be friends with someone who is spiteful, and the fact that emotional attachment was involved at one point complicates matters even more. Insert fred, for example.



Well, my replies are only based on your replies, my experience, and what is usually the case in these situations. It's entirely possible I'm reading it all wrong.

So are you saying that you'd have major issues with your friendship/relationship due to the spiteful comments even if the rest didn't happen? Would you have done anything about it had the rest not happened?

She definitely lied and misdirected towards the end of your original post, but I just took it more as she knows you are very interested in her, and apparently some interest exists with her as well, so she was cowardly attempting to avoid a situation.

Again, literally the same scenario happened to me within this old friendship I've been bringing up. On an official level we were just friends, but she knew I wanted more than that so when she went to see her ex she lied about it and didn't tell me anything. It's probably in poor taste, but the fact that it can be a group behavior leads me to believe its just human error at coping with confrontation and stress. I do agree it doesn't show particularly good leadership skills and arguably poor judgment. 




glpg80 said:


> I did get a very clear rejection, and that is quite obvious. Things will never work out between us simply because her family ideals and how she was raised will never work with how my parents raised me. I cannot relate to having everything I've ever worked for simply given to me. School, new car, housing, living expenses, credit cards, taxes, you name it. Moral ideals in the bigger picture do not line up here, and she's very much one of those that status symbols matter to her more than anything else. That's why she's doing the leadership positions IMHO - women versus men and she enjoys the power it allows her to have. Again, that's not friendship level anything I can relate to and the wrong reasons for which anything honest can be built from in my point of view.



If this is the case why did you want to date her in the first place and how were you still able to 'click' with her?



glpg80 said:


> Fred was the wingman, the glue that proved she had feelings, the one that she trusts. Fred is a great person and I have no problem with him at all, but with how close they are in general, I don't feel as though I can trust him at the level I trust my other friends. He's picked sides and I'm more of a person once again of quality over quantity. I'm at the moment willing to just let time play out how things work out in that regard. But knowing this girl, it makes things super awkward now that fred and I are also acquainted with one another.



Okay, this makes more sense now. She got the friends in the 'divorce' kind of thing. 



glpg80 said:


> I feel like it's not OK to treat someone like she did, and refuse to confront me in person if that made her feel uncomfortable even if it was to be done in a public area for safety. I do not deserve to be targeted like that, and it's not OK for her to jump to conclusions so quickly. I also feel as though it's time she be held accountable for the lies. I would rather not play this off in the long run because you're responsible for your actions. It's all about accountability, and most of my friends feel as though she reacted childishly. *There's a lot of other details I'm leaving out because I'm only one person and can remember only so much*.



I figured as much and it'd probably paint a more clear picture. Assuming this is an accurate portrayal of the events, it would seem a bit childish and that things got pretty heated between everyone involved.

Relating back to my old fling again, the temperature of the relationship was definitely fully in her control; so if it's anything like that then one minute she's probably cool with the flirting and forward or boyfriend-like behavior, but when she decided to go with someone else its all of a sudden unacceptable again. It fits her age IMO. It's all about them and their feelings and what they want. As far as personal rights go that's perfectly fine. No one can force another to do something they don't want to, but it is indeed childish to not fully commit or string people along just so you can have a safe backup friend who can be your pseudo-boyfriend when it's convenient (that's definitely how I felt about it at the time).



flint757 said:


> She's doing what she feels is right for herself. It wasn't what you wanted so you bailed (also a completely acceptable choice to make). She probably could have been more clear, or perhaps you more aware of what she was actually saying, if she were being mostly transparent [wasn't there so I personally wouldn't know], but nothing you've said would lead me to believe she was being inconsistent.



Okay, so there were definitely some inconsistencies and lack of transparency for sure. The rest I still feel's on point (perhaps in a rude way she is still doing what she clearly thinks is right and you clearly aren't happy with how things turned out so you walked away), although I'd put the emphasis on both of you rather than just you, as I did before. Now, admittedly it is hard to read signals when people deliberately make them murky so as to keep people on a short leash. She definitely could have been more clear about everything and in the future I'd suggest my earlier advice: 

if it's hard to tell that you're in a relationship, or someone at anytime physically claims they don't want to be or can't be in a relationship, don't bother trying much harder or getting too invested. 

Talk like that means you're always 2nd or 3rd choice even if they end up dating you later on (especially with her moaning to you about her ex). Couple that with the 'girl talk' about exes, boyfriends and the like and I'd say it doesn't seem like you had a shot at a full on relationship beyond a rebound/backup anyhow (in hindsight).




glpg80 said:


> I really don't see us being close friends. The fact I feel like I can read her like an open book really scared her. The fact I cannot stop talking about her shows there's a need for distance between us because it's unhealthy at the moment, and I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to trust her on a friendship level, let alone ever again. The problem is that I cared. I cared too soon, too quickly, and the feelings she initially had were shared with fred, but hidden in plain sight. For what reason I'm not sure, and honestly I'll never know. It's superfluous information at this point anyway.



Yeah, you definitely need to distance yourself physically and emotionally from this situation no matter what. If you do decide to be friends again leave it for the distant future. Get some peace of mind and just move on first. She's flawed like most humans and she has issues that you were saying are deal breakers for a relationship anyhow. In my mind that means you didn't lose much on that front. Seems like your better off pursuing other interests or just focusing on yourself for the time being. Worry about amending the friendship once you get to a point of indifference about this situation.


----------



## TedEH

If I might offer some advice- I've recently gone through a similar situation... arguably I'm still going through it, depending on how you interpret events, but my details are not super relevant. I had an old friend, old friend had a break up, we were "just friends" but I ended up being someone she went to for support and it escalated, then after reaching a certain point quickly de-escalated, and it caused me a bunch of frustration- but at the end of the day, I'll repeat what I've already said:

She doesn't owe you anything, just like the lady in my situation owes me nothing. People are complicated and emotional and afraid and confused and make mistakes. Maybe she led you on, maybe you were just a rebound, maybe she cares about you and is distancing herself because she realizes that leading you on any further would do you more harm than good, maybe she used you for the attention until she found a way to get the same attention elsewhere- who knows- I could come up with a bunch more scenarios, but it's not the point.

The point is that you knowingly pursued someone who was recently out of a relationship and got burned, kind of like I did. It happens. It sucks. Maybe you can recover the friendship or the relationship, but maybe you can't- in either case, it's on you to own the situation- by which I mean:
a) Give yourself a break. You're still a perfectly functional person without her.
b) Give her a break. If she's just out of a relationship, that's a hard time for people.
c) Don't be a d*ck. The way you react to the situation can and will exacerbate both the problem itself, and your (and her) level of frustration over it.
d) Be supportive. If she really is a friend, then that has to be a priority. Don't throw your friendship under the bus in the name of a relationship that you're not confident is going to happen at this point.
e) Be honest and work on your communication skills.

There's not really anything else you *can* do. You can't force your relationships with people to operate on your terms. Either it works for everyone involved, or it doesn't and you move on.

Edit: For the record, I'll admit that I'm, at least in part, typing all of this as a reminder to myself- because we all need the reminder every once in a while to just relax, not be a d*ck, and let things be what they are.


----------



## glpg80

flint757 said:


> I wan't questioning that there might be mixed signals, but that her behavior from your first post didn't seem wildly different as I was reading (but it is all written in hindsight so some of that is to be expected).
> 
> As for advice on that subject, dating should be pretty clear cut. If you have to ask you probably aren't. I assume you are saying that you weren't officially dating, but her body language and general communication came across as if she might eventually be more interested. If this is the case it's like a mirror image to my past situation I went through several years ago. I let it be known from the get go that I liked her a lot, but she wasn't as interested. So she thought, or so I assume, that the only way to keep me around was to flirt with me, and other such stuff, every now and then or I'd just bolt. My situation was still very ambiguous during that time period and looking back when I can reflect on it I lean back on the idea that if you have to ask or think about it you probably aren't dating so dating etiquette seems to go right out the window, even if it can sometimes present itself in poor taste.



I definitely don't do friend-zone after any interest has been even slightly hinted. If I'm not someone's top priority then I refuse to be someone's second best. I have a level of self respect for myself, and I'm not willing to sacrifice for anything less than total honesty and commitment from both ends.



flint757 said:


> Yeah, I'm not sure what to make of that in conjunction with everything else. If her ex caused her to have trust issues, then she claimed she only didn't want to be with you because of trust issues, then she goes back to the ex anyhow, it certainly defies all logic and I imagine stings quite a bit.



Yeah, that hurts when you word it that way 

She said she wasn't going to get back with him, but that she didn't know to what extent he was back in the picture. Whatever the hell that means in women-speak. I feel like I need an enigma machine for god sakes. Regardless, I believe the problem is that her parents are both really really intelligent, and that they won't allow her to date this dude. The problem is that she needs daddy's consent and I know this by talking with one of her friends about the subject of their bumpy past-relationship and both of them being on good terms. The fact she's now an adult and still does that shows an unhealthy-ish type of father-daughter relationship in my opinion. Something at least doesn't sound right about it, but it fits both what I know about her and some of the things her dad has done for her in the past.



flint757 said:


> I'd definitely call that a lead-on, in hindsight, with no intention of follow through. The little nugget to keep you content to stick around, if you were the type to bail when feelings are denied (from her perspective).



I'm the type to bail because I have high standards all around. I know when the girl friend thing works out and what it should feel like in a relationship. Again, I refuse to ever be anyone's second best, even if it was out of poor judgement initially. Life's too short to wait for .... like that to happen and honestly it's not healthy in my eyes. Kudos for you sticking around with your girl friend through that though. I wouldn't say we couldn't be friends, but you mentioned age being a factor here and it certainly is. At this moment in her life I feel like everything still seems like high school to her. She can cop out with the feminism BS to make up for any indifferences that guys need to land the jobs, interviews, and opportunities. 

Odd how this seems so similar on the friendship/relationship aspect, even down to the lies. I'm not sure what to make of some of it though, you seem to have nailed it on the short leash. I almost want to say there has to be a mystery third person involved here - especially wanting to befriend the ex who broke her heart after she admits still loving him. Being spiteful, I wouldn't put it past her to do such a thing to throw it in his face to be honest. I also feel like she throws that L word around too much, and truely doesn't know what it's like to lose the love of parents or a close friend. Just IMHO.




flint757 said:


> Yeah your re-write changes the context quite a bit. If you were forward at all, like she stated, some of it would still be understandable, even if only emotionally driven, but the fact that she'd dangle the opportunity just under your nose is just as forward. It would appear her intentions were just different in hindsight. I'd say you ended up in the stereotypical friend-zone (the kind where someone is deliberately put there by misleading behavior from either party, not just simply denied).



Yeah, it's a fault I have. I simply cannot do friendzones. You either have feelings for someone or you don't - none of that back and forth bullshi*t*. For starters it shows cowardice, and secondly it isn't fair nor right to dwell. If friendships are intended you definitely know ahead of time when meeting someone of the opposite sex. At least all of my female friendships have been that way.



flint757 said:


> In like a playful trash talking sort of way or in a I want to make you feel awful sort of way? In either case dwelling on it isn't necessary if your intention is to drop this situation like a hot potato.



She knew I was denied, and she knew I was denied with higher credentials at the time because I told her that story. She did it out of pure seed-planting hatred. She even bragged about having the option to choose from another company or that one that I tried and was denied from. That's downright ....in*g* disrespectful.



flint757 said:


> So are you saying that you'd have major issues with your friendship/relationship due to the spiteful comments even if the rest didn't happen? Would you have done anything about it had the rest not happened?



Assuming none of the other stuff was going on and we were on good terms I would have probably high fived her on it because that company is not easy to land internships with. I'm passive, blunt, but never spiteful or hateful. Maturity is knowing which battles to pick and which ones to let slide - that would have been one to slide had the other stuff not have been a part of the friendship decision.



flint757 said:


> She definitely lied and misdirected towards the end of your original post, but I just took it more as she knows you are very interested in her, and apparently some interest exists with her as well, so she was cowardly attempting to avoid a situation.



Makes sense. This was during final exams, so it was really stressing both of us. I honestly shouldn't care, but I do hope it didn't affect her grades.



flint757 said:


> Again, literally the same scenario happened to me within this old friendship I've been bringing up. On an official level we were just friends, but she knew I wanted more than that so when she went to see her ex she lied about it and didn't tell me anything. It's probably in poor taste, but the fact that it can be a group behavior leads me to believe its just human error at coping with confrontation and stress. I do agree it doesn't show particularly good leadership skills and arguably poor judgment.



You're right. It doesn't show good leadership skills or good judgement. Especially to do something like this during final exams - you would think she would have more self respect and respect for me to wait until afterwards, or at least not leave it hanging by emotional and physical isolation during final exam period. Literally felt like she was doing her damnedest to throw me under the bus.



flint757 said:


> If this is the case why did you want to date her in the first place and how were you still able to 'click' with her?



Because she made me happy. We had a future in our eyes that could work. We both love the same field, and that could have worked. We both want kids later in life. Both had skillsets that benefited one another, and we both saw eye to eye. I dunno man, it's hard to explain. Part of me feels like I was in love with someone who was hollow on the inside and it was all smoke and mirrors. The other part of me seems to think she saw something she liked more at the beach (not bob) with that formal event. Another part of me believes she did it out of spite against men and just decided to do her best to toss me aside like trash even though she tried to apologize for leading me on "if" she did so. Lies man, just constant, flowing, undeniable lies that lead to a washout of no ability to gain or work any form of trust out of it all.



flint757 said:


> Okay, this makes more sense now. She got the friends in the 'divorce' kind of thing.



I'm half tempted to throw her friends overboard along with it. At my age I have no time or care for any drama, and honestly it is not going to help keeping them around in moving on. I honestly don't even see the reason why in the first place, it's not like we would ever hang out and do anything to begin with - especially one girl who is her do or die friendship. Just left scratching my head over all of this.



flint757 said:


> I figured as much and it'd probably paint a more clear picture. Assuming this is an accurate portrayal of the events, it would seem a bit childish and that things got pretty heated between everyone involved.



It got very heated, and it will still be heated as next semester fires back up. I have been warned by family that I am not to even acknowledge her existence once we start back, I don't even owe her the time of day let alone any of my attention. Sad that it came to that, but it is what it is.



flint757 said:


> Relating back to my old fling again, the temperature of the relationship was definitely fully in her control; so if it's anything like that then one minute she's probably cool with the flirting and forward or boyfriend-like behavior, but when she decided to go with someone else its all of a sudden unacceptable again. *It fits her age IMO*. *It's all about them and their feelings and what they want. As far as personal rights go that's perfectly fine.* No one can force another to do something they don't want to, but it is indeed childish to not fully commit or string people along just so you can have a safe backup friend who can be your pseudo-boyfriend when it's convenient (that's definitely how I felt about it at the time).



I will disagree - the way she acted was very narcissistic. "I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm in control here, etc" Just her mentality was never we, us, asking how I felt about the friendship but only how it benefited her, etc.

Being an empathetic person, I fell for it and it's been a struggle to get back out of that hole. I'll be alright, but it will take time. Lots and lots of time. If anything it was a lesson to be learned on many fronts, and it will be a test to see if I can uphold the amount of self respect for myself that I also give to others. 

I do agree with the rest of it, and yes it was extremely childish. I don't expect it to end - in her eyes she has won the battle, why would she change her habits? I feel like she may have won the battle, but I will have won the war. Being independent, there's a plethora of ways you analyze situations in a different manner, and it builds character because of it. Nothing she knows anything about as it's always to her benefit in her eyes. 



flint757 said:


> Okay, so there were definitely some inconsistencies and lack of transparency for sure. The rest I still feel's on point (perhaps in a rude way she is still doing what she clearly thinks is right and you clearly aren't happy with how things turned out so you walked away), although I'd put the emphasis on both of you rather than just you, as I did before. Now, admittedly it is hard to read signals when people deliberately make them murky so as to keep people on a short leash. She definitely could have been more clear about everything and in the future I'd suggest my earlier advice:
> 
> if it's hard to tell that you're in a relationship, or someone at anytime physically claims they don't want to be or can't be in a relationship, don't bother trying much harder or getting too invested.
> 
> Talk like that means you're always 2nd or 3rd choice even if they end up dating you later on (especially with her moaning to you about her ex). Couple that with the 'girl talk' about exes, boyfriends and the like and I'd say it doesn't seem like you had a shot at a full on relationship beyond a rebound/backup anyhow (in hindsight).



I needed to hear this. It follows my true dating guidelines and why I never go seeking a relationship when the time isn't right. Right now, school has been and will always be my top priority. There's 10's of thousands of dollars at stake here on my end, and she has no skin in the game as her parents have her covered. It's a reality check for both personal and educational points of view. Engineering is weird like that - get a head too big and it will definitely knock you down a size and bring you back to reality. That I have learned quite a bit and I respect the field as a student at the moment knowing I have to have my priorities straight.



flint757 said:


> Yeah, you definitely need to distance yourself physically and emotionally from this situation no matter what. If you do decide to be friends again leave it for the distant future. Get some peace of mind and just move on first. She's flawed like most humans and she has issues that you were saying are deal breakers for a relationship anyhow. In my mind that means you didn't lose much on that front. Seems like your better off pursuing other interests or just focusing on yourself for the time being. Worry about amending the friendship once you get to a point of indifference about this situation.


----------



## TedEH

glpg80 said:


> If I'm not someone's top priority then I refuse to be someone's second best.



More advice you probably don't want lol: Refusing to be anything but top priority for another person is an unhealthy premise to build a relationship on. It's very unlikely you'll ever be someone's first priority all the time. #1 is self for most people (they won't admit it, but it's the truth, and nothing is wrong with that). Family will usually take priority over you. If you ever have kids, the kids will come before you. Friends that your partner has known longer than you might take priority sometimes.


----------



## glpg80

Ibanezsam4 said:


> paragraphs of good information to heed





Ibanezsam4 said:


> as for the fall, man up and say you let your emotions get the better of you and that you're sorry. she can take it or leave it. but its the right thing to do and would make life easier as it goes on



Here's the kicker, I've already done that and she still acted in isolation, guilt, and ignoring. I went old school and left a note on her windshield during the day once. I had not planned it, was just a spur of the moment decision when I saw her car. I apologized for overstepping any boundaries not mentioned and that I just wanted to be on good terms with one another. She still continued to act like a *b*itch. Ball's in her court, not mine. I've washed my hands over it, just trying to look back and analyze what has happened and make sure I learn as much as a I can from it all.


----------



## glpg80

TedEH said:


> More advice you probably don't want lol: Refusing to be anything but top priority for another person is an unhealthy premise to build a relationship on. It's very unlikely you'll ever be someone's first priority all the time. #1 is self for most people (they won't admit it, but it's the truth, and nothing is wrong with that). Family will usually take priority over you. If you ever have kids, the kids will come before you. Friends that your partner has known longer than you might take priority sometimes.



When I say top priority, I mean in terms of another person and not over one's self love, kids, family, etc. Thanks for adding to the clarification, but I already know this and do not expect to be put on a pedestal. If anything, that's a lesson that I learned here with her.


----------



## flint757

glpg80 said:


> ...
> I will disagree - the way she acted was very narcissistic. "I'm sorry I did this to you, I'm in control here, etc" Just her mentality was never we, us, asking how I felt about the friendship but only how it benefited her, etc.
> ...



I agree with you that it is poor behavior and is a bit immature. I just mean she has the right to do so in the sense she's not under any obligation to do what someone else wants in a literal sense. It coincides with TedEH's point that she owes you, or anyone else, nothing. The same applies for you as well though. You don't have to put up with a situation that is causing you problems. Empathy is always a good path to take, but it is not a required one. It just tends to be the more humane, mature approach. There are boundaries though and once crossed hard decisions have to be made.


----------



## glpg80

You're not lying about hard decisions being made. It's taken 4 weeks and a lot of self counseling with extremely close friends whom I trust with my life, along with discussing this with my parents, to assess the decisions made under stress at the time and even get to this point.

I've removed social media, blocked her from anything I can think of, and generally have done my best to just wipe any form of existence of the past from my phone, texts with friends over it, and even her cell number.

Misery loves company, and I was fine before I met her. The sooner I can emotionally move on from this the better. The fact all of this was able to get this far in such a short time shows something was wrong from the get go.

Over all of this discussion that we've made, this all happened in a matter of like 6 weeks. You would have thought it happened in 6 months. That's just how fast things were moving between us.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

glpg80 said:


> Here's the kicker, I've already done that and she still acted in isolation, guilt, and ignoring. I went old school and left a note on her windshield during the day once. I had not planned it, was just a spur of the moment decision when I saw her car. I apologized for overstepping any boundaries not mentioned and that I just wanted to be on good terms with one another. She still continued to act like a *b*itch. Ball's in her court, not mine. I've washed my hands over it, just trying to look back and analyze what has happened and make sure I learn as much as a I can from it all.



the lesson is sometimes you don't get catharsis, and happy endings are rare and not neat and clean. 

just work on not going head over heels this a woman that isn't sending the exact same signals back


----------



## glpg80

Ibanezsam4 said:


> the lesson is sometimes you don't get catharsis, and happy endings are rare and not neat and clean.
> 
> *just work on not going head over heels this a woman that isn't sending the exact same signals back*



Yeah that is a lesson within a lesson. Signals were being sent back and forth (flirty text messages, wanting to spend time together every night, etc.) But the real lesson here is not letting my god damn guard down so soon. I'm disappointed in myself with how I'm handling it emotionally. But I do not feel as though I made any bad decisions as things unfolded given the circumstances of stress and final exams involved.

I do not plan to be a dick to anyone when uni starts back up, but I definitely feel as though I don't owe her the time of day, and she's been clear to show the same exact state of mind in return because I told her I didn't want to be friends, let alone best friends. As far as avoiding one another, I'm not changing my studying styles without disrespecting anyone. If disrespect is given in return, I'll do my best to be the better person and let it wash off like water. The age difference here really complicates the maturity aspect IMO. If anything she should respect the fact that I do not do the friendzone ordeal. But that's expecting something from someone - and I know from many life lessons before in my past that you cannot expect anything from anyone. Ever.


----------



## TedEH

glpg80 said:


> If anything she should respect the fact that I do not do the friendzone ordeal. But that's expecting something from someone - and I know from many life lessons before in my past that you cannot expect anything from anyone. Ever.



You had me up until this point. Absolutely, "I do not plan to be a dick to anyone" is the right attitude. And sure, ideally, people should respect that you have no interest in being led on- but at the same time, remember that this kind of respect has to go both ways. You have to respect how people choose to conduct themselves and their relationships to the same extent as you would hope they will respect the way you do you. I see no good reason that you can't all just agree that you're strictly friends and leave it at that- no drama, no grey area, no antagonizing anyone. I'm not criticizing you per-se, I think you have the right idea, just need to be careful that you communicate it properly.


----------



## Simic

I just wanna thank the people who gave me advice on the previous page!


----------



## glpg80

TedEH said:


> You had me up until this point. Absolutely, "I do not plan to be a dick to anyone" is the right attitude. And sure, ideally, people should respect that you have no interest in being led on- but at the same time, remember that this kind of respect has to go both ways. You have to respect how people choose to conduct themselves and their relationships to the same extent as you would hope they will respect the way you do you. I see no good reason that you can't all just agree that you're strictly friends and leave it at that- no drama, no grey area, no antagonizing anyone. I'm not criticizing you per-se, I think you have the right idea, just need to be careful that you communicate it properly.



Here's the thing though. I simply don't trust her. The reasons that we cannot be friends extend back to how she was given literally everything her entire life since the day she was born. She complained that her 2011 car, daddy paid for, with keyless start and navigation, was an old vehicle. This is literally someone I do not want to help as a friend because we will never see eye to eye. Even as a friend she wouldn't want to hear what I have to say even if there was a mutual respect level which existed for one another. It's just not there, and honestly I doubt it ever will be.

There's also the aspect that once again, I prefer quality over quantity. We had a lot in common and she was the key to a happiness level I had never felt in a very long time. But our approach to life is from completely opposing backgrounds. She's extremely controlling, even to the point of playing the short leash game when we were talking. I'm not, will not, do not, support being one of her male cohorts that bow down to supporting that. Remember that she plays the leadership card and tries to be that leader of the pack mentality without actually knowing a damn thing about what it takes to actually do it. It really angers me that she tries to do that, because that's part of the reason I'm attending college much later in life, and part of the reason I have the debt under my own name once I graduate.

It's just I do not see any way shape or form to have a friendship with her. I was willing to try to make things work if a relationship was involved, but she was clear she didn't want that at all. I respect that wholeheartedly. The flipside is that I never do friendzone and I do not want a friend who has yet to find themselves. I just feel like she doesn't care, and I'm done caring on any front end. She can find that support elsewhere and It will help me in having closure by removing any chance of previous feelings ever coming into play with her ever again.


----------



## TedEH

glpg80 said:


> Here's the thing though. [...] It's just I do not see any way shape or form to have a friendship with her. I was willing to try to make things work if a relationship was involved



IMO, that's the source of your problem. If you can't even be friends, a relationship was never going to work anyway. Lesson learned, I guess.


----------



## glpg80

TedEH said:


> IMO, that's the source of your problem. If you can't even be friends, a relationship was never going to work anyway. Lesson learned, I guess.



She's one of those that you're either for her, or against her. Women versus men mentality, and feminism through and through. I have tons of friends who I support in that regard - one of them being my friend I pulled aside in this - but she takes it to a whole different level of competitiveness that's unhealthy. 

I told her there existed no trust between one another and that friendships are built on trust just as relationships are built on trust. Her actions were saying one thing, and her words were saying another. She had no desire to want to be friends the second she felt she had to start distancing herself when we hung out together or spent time in groups with others. Since when do you purposefully ignore or distance yourself from someone you want to be a best friend? This was what she wanted.

I have no problem helping people. I have no problem asking for help, or accepting when I am in the wrong. But you cannot help people who cannot help themselves. And you certainly cannot help people who don't want it to begin with anyway. Point being that friendships are there for help and guidance. They are there for fun and memories. 

I feel like that's just the way it is in this ordeal. Is it sad? yeah, we both are losing out here in the long run. I feel like there could be a lot both of us could learn from one another, but not with that us vs. them mentality which exists. I definitely do not feel that with any of my other friends male or female. With her, it's different.


----------



## Maybrick

Out of interest - how long was it before you guys told your partner(s) you loved them?


----------



## BucketheadRules

Maybrick said:


> Out of interest - how long was it before you guys told your partner(s) you loved them?



I've never said it to anyone.

I've been wondering this myself tbh - we haven't been together very long at all but we both feel pretty strongly about each other. I'm fairly sure it's not gonna be long before I say it, because I'm fairly sure it's true... but then, how can I be sure? Do you really love someone after such a relatively short time together? The more I think about her and talk to her, and the more time we spend together, I become sure of it though. And I'm pretty certain she feels even stronger about me.


----------



## UnderTheSign

Maybrick said:


> Out of interest - how long was it before you guys told your partner(s) you loved them?



Like a year for both of us I think.


----------



## vividox

Maybrick said:


> Out of interest - how long was it before you guys told your partner(s) you loved them?



With my wife, it was about 6-7 months.

The girl I dated right before my wife, it was about a month, and falling so fast and saying it so quickly (when I probably didn't really mean it yet) was part of the reason I got cold feet and ended it.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

I'm a sexually frustrated virgin that wants to love and be loved. I haven't even kissed a girl. Sounds silly right? A lot of you have been there? Yeah, well, I guess I'm not searching for help. I just want to write things down.

And yes, I try to do things that makes me happy, and I am happy a lot of the time, but it is absolutely impossible to keep myself occupied 100% of the time. At some point in the day, I'm going to be in a place were i think about this stuff.

I have a problem with jealousy when it comes to this area. I hate to watch other people fall in love and such. When I realise that I'm watching two people getting attracted to each other, I get a bad feeling in my stomach that kinda ruins my mood a little bit. It's extremely difficult for me to be happy for others when I myself never seem to get in those situations.

I know that my time will come, but knowing that doesn't help me much at this point.

I wish I had a switch that made me able to completely stop thinking about these things, but I don't have a clue how to do that. I strongly believe that love will be the single biggest thing that causes me happiness in life, and I can't just completely ignore that until it comes. No matter how much I want to.

I feel no pressure from friends, they just say that I should stop thinking about it. I want to, but as I said, I don't know how.

So a lot of people say that it will come when I stop trying, and a lot of people say that one should get out and get what he wants. I get very confused because of this.

Pseudo-teenager-rant over. I know some of you guys have real problems to talk about.

TL;DR
You are as impatient with texts as I am with love.


----------



## Maybrick

BucketheadRules said:


> I've never said it to anyone.
> 
> I've been wondering this myself tbh - we haven't been together very long at all but we both feel pretty strongly about each other. I'm fairly sure it's not gonna be long before I say it, because I'm fairly sure it's true... but then, how can I be sure? Do you really love someone after such a relatively short time together? The more I think about her and talk to her, and the more time we spend together, I become sure of it though. And I'm pretty certain she feels even stronger about me.



Its hard isnt it. Its hard to know when youre saying it because you want to love that person and when you actually do. The only thing you can do is just wait it out for half a year or so as essentially there is no rush in saying it. You dont get any benefit or gain from saying it quickly, if anything its just bad because it could be that youre just saying it to convince yourself.

I've been with my girl for about 5-6 months at the moment and I do love her and Im convinced she loves me too but at the same time I want to give it some extra time and just say it when it feels comfortable. Last thing I want to do is make it sound forced or like ive been preparing to say it.

This then brings me onto something else - is saying to a girlfriend "love you" different to "I love you"?

I've always wondered it, maybe its me just looking into it too much but I never said to my ex who I was with for 3 and a half year "I love you" but said "love you" a lot before going to work etc and it was because in the back of my mind they were two things. I wasnt IN love with her.


----------



## Maybrick

Seybsnilksz said:


> I'm a sexually frustrated virgin that wants to love and be loved. I haven't even kissed a girl. Sounds silly right? A lot of you have been there? Yeah, well, I guess I'm not searching for help. I just want to write things down.
> 
> And yes, I try to do things that makes me happy, and I am happy a lot of the time, but it is absolutely impossible to keep myself occupied 100% of the time. At some point in the day, I'm going to be in a place were i think about this stuff.
> 
> I have a problem with jealousy when it comes to this area. I hate to watch other people fall in love and such. When I realise that I'm watching two people getting attracted to each other, I get a bad feeling in my stomach that kinda ruins my mood a little bit. It's extremely difficult for me to be happy for others when I myself never seem to get in those situations.
> 
> I know that my time will come, but knowing that doesn't help me much at this point.
> 
> I wish I had a switch that made me able to completely stop thinking about these things, but I don't have a clue how to do that. I strongly believe that love will be the single biggest thing that causes me happiness in life, and I can't just completely ignore that until it comes. No matter how much I want to.
> 
> I feel no pressure from friends, they just say that I should stop thinking about it. I want to, but as I said, I don't know how.
> 
> So a lot of people say that it will come when I stop trying, and a lot of people say that one should get out and get what he wants. I get very confused because of this.
> 
> Pseudo-teenager-rant over. I know some of you guys have real problems to talk about.
> 
> TL;DR
> You are as impatient with texts as I am with love.



I honestly believe the jealousy thing stems from self confidence. Everyone in life gets jealous about something and no one can say they will never be jealous again but there are different levels. Definitely with relationships, I've been in the same position as you when it comes to girls. Especially when I was younger, it was all "Ahh I really fancy this girl but she likes this other better looking guy than me" and it got me down.

Having said that, I never did anything about it. I just moped around and like you, got told by friends that my time would come. 

Best advice I can give you (like you've already identified) is to keep yourself busy. Look after your health - if you're eating loads of .... then that affects your mood. Work out and stick to it - you honestly feel so much better for doing so.
Lastly, try and get involved with as many social events as you can. Whether its hanging out with friends, going to partys, going out to social events with your colleagues if you work. Any chance you get to meet new people is great. You might think "But I hate meeting new people" or "Im really shy/timid around groups of people I dont know" but if you do then a) you have to start somewhere b) you be passing up an opportunity to meet a girl that you wouldnt usually meet.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

Maybrick said:


> Best advice I can give you (like you've already identified) is to keep yourself busy. Look after your health - if you're eating loads of .... then that affects your mood. Work out and stick to it - you honestly feel so much better for doing so.



I eat somewhat healthy (at least compared so some people I know) but making food for one person is hard when you have almost no culinary interest at all.

I'm not very interested in fitness either. I ride my bike to the store once every few days, and sometimes I just take a ride for the sake of it. Other than that, it is very hard for me to keep a routine with something I'm not interested in or fascinated by.



Maybrick said:


> Lastly, try and get involved with as many social events as you can. Whether its hanging out with friends, going to partys, going out to social events with your colleagues if you work. Any chance you get to meet new people is great. You might think "But I hate meeting new people" or "Im really shy/timid around groups of people I dont know" but if you do then a) you have to start somewhere b) you be passing up an opportunity to meet a girl that you wouldnt usually meet.



Yes, I do some of those things. Although I'm a little socially awkward, I wouldn't say that I'm hopeless. However, it is extremely difficult for me to try to get into a group of people larger than 3-4, especially if they already know each other. I just sit and wait until it is over because to be honest, I don't feel like saying much unless they're talking about something within my somewhat narrow interests. In smaller groups, it's a little easier though.

Maybe I just confirmed the things you said now haha. Thank you for the advice despite my hopelessness.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Seybsnilksz said:


> *stuff I can relate to*


I was(and possibly still)in the same predicament.Eventually,your mind will not stress it so much once you realize that that area of your life doesn't bear any fruit.I agree with the notion that you should go out with a friend to give you something to do instead of wandering aimlessly with the intent on asking random women out in public.

Since I've been hanging out with my friend,I've been able to see attractive women out in public that I could approach without the extra stress because I didn't go to "x" place to scope out for women as a primary objective.

Again,take my advice with a grain of salt since I'm in the exact same predicament as you(literally).You could try online dating sites,but your luck may vary as seen by other people here.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

Obsidian Soul said:


> You could try online dating sites,but your luck may vary as seen by other people here.



Yeah, I've tried a few, but those rarely work well. Overall I'm happy with how I look, but I'm not the kind of guy that gets a lot of girls interested on Tinder and shallower mediums. I also live in a small town with 30-40.000 people, so there's not much girls at all around my area on other sites.


----------



## cwhitey2

Seybsnilksz said:


> Yeah, I've tried a few, but those rarely work well. Overall I'm happy with how I look, but I'm not the kind of guy that gets a lot of girls interested on Tinder and shallower mediums. I also live in a small town with 30-40.000 people, so there's not much girls at all around my area on other sites.



I'm in the same boat as you are.


If I used a dating site, there might be 5 people I would be interested in going on a date with...except they never respond to me messages 



I personally have given up on dating. My last ex ruined relationships in general for me (that was 3 years ago..and yes I'm over it I'm just sick of the BS relationships bring).

Plus I spend way to much money on myself to have a functioning relationship.


----------



## TedEH

^ As far as dating sites go, it can go both ways. 90% of the time, my experience is the same as yours. Not very many people I feel like messaging at all in the first place, and rarely a reply in the odd case that I'd reach out.

But! The last time I was in a serious long term relationship was with someone I met through a site like that. Lasted more than 4 years. Lived together. Had a dog. Sure, things fell apart, but that was clearly not the fault of the website .


----------



## cwhitey2

TedEH said:


> ^ As far as dating sites go, it can go both ways. 90% of the time, my experience is the same as yours. Not very many people I feel like messaging at all in the first place, and rarely a reply in the odd case that I'd reach out.
> 
> But! The last time I was in a serious long term relationship was with someone I met through a site like that. Lasted more than 4 years. Lived together. Had a dog. Sure, things fell apart, but that was clearly not the fault of the website .



I had a functional relationship from a dating site, she just had hidden 'issues'


----------



## TedEH

cwhitey2 said:


> she just had hidden 'issues'



Everyone's got issues they aren't super upfront about. That's not the dating site's fault. Would have worked out the same if you had met anywhere else, I'm sure.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

TedEH said:


> ^ As far as dating sites go, it can go both ways. 90% of the time, my experience is the same as yours. Not very many people I feel like messaging at all in the first place, and rarely a reply in the odd case that I'd reach out.
> 
> But! The last time I was in a serious long term relationship was with someone I met through a site like that.



Sounds like real life.


----------



## TedEH

Seybsnilksz said:


> Sounds like real life.



Because it is. There's legit people on the other side of those interwebs.


----------



## TheHandOfStone

Seybsnilksz said:


> I also live in a small town with 30-40.000 people, so there's not much girls at all around my area on other sites.


That's not all that small. If the surrounding area is similarly populated, then I'd suggest trying different sites. The people _should_ be out there.


----------



## Seybsnilksz

TheHandOfStone said:


> That's not all that small. If the surrounding area is similarly populated, then I'd suggest trying different sites. The people _should_ be out there.



On OKCupid there's 14 girls within 50 kilometers, and on the most known free Swedish site there's 17 girls (that has logged in within the latest month) in my city that searches for a man my age. Expanding the search distance doesn't do a lot, and I have to go 2 hours by train to reach the nearest city that seems like it has people in it (at least on the sites). On Tinder there's more, but you know the deal with that app.


----------



## TheHandOfStone

OK, fair enough. I just wanted to make sure you didn't give up too soon.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

I know much of this thread is about finding love or dealing with rejection, but i figured i would add in another perspective. 

Being in love and maintaining that relationship. Stuff is not easy people. 

Not to say its the hardest work, but it can be emotionally stressful at times. 

Case and point: my wife is an event coordinator and for the past 6 months has been heavily planning a walk for lung cancer. 

we're less than 9 days out. and holy crap is this tough to deal with. 

She stays later at work, doesn't communicate often, comes home and eats and then proceeds to hop on her computer and do more work. 

the worst part is, there is nothing to do about it. It's her job. 

Why this sucks is i'm a total home body. I love being home, hanging with my wife and my dog. we have not talked for almost 2 weeks (however the dog and i have had some of the best conversations of our lives).

So this is literally making me crazy. 

There you have it fellows - it ain't all sunshine and rainbows once you settle in for the long haul


----------



## russmuller

Well, I think things have come to a head with my "ex" and I. I use quotation marks because we're neighbors and even after the breakup we've continued to go out and sleep together. :-\

A few weeks ago I went to Ireland for a week and she had a suicidal breakdown in my absence. She was waiting until I got back in the States to kill herself so that someone would be there to take care of her cat. When I got back, I convinced her to check into a behavioral hospital where they diagnosed her with borderline personality disorder (she's pretty much a textbook case).

I've been trying to be as supportive as I can of her getting back on her feet, lining up long-term treatment, encouraging her to get back to work (she hasn't showed up at her job for a month), etc... But it's very stressful for me (as an introvert who needs alone time) to try and live my own life when my time and attention is constantly being pulled away to be someone's emotional crutch. She knows that I won't always be around for her, and she gets anxious about managing her emotions in my absence (which is a spiral that causes her to cling more tightly). My exit strategy for this unhealthy situation was to ween myself out of her life as she developed a relationship with a therapist who can teach her how to better cope with her condition.

Yesterday was my mom's birthday, so I took her out to dinner and then we went for a swim in her pool. After my mom's place, I made an impromptu out to the boonies to visit some friends and pick up something for a road trip I'm taking this weekend. While I was at dinner, my ex had asked if she could print some stuff at my apartment and I said that was okay. While she was there, she baked some cookies and then waited around for me to come home (I had no idea this was going on). So when I didn't arrive home as expected, she started to worry. I received a flurry of text messages that ended with her saying she was going to take a nap, but I was welcome to come over when I got home if I wasn't going straight to bed.

Then the anxiety attack started, and another flurry of text messages came in. Then she called (if you know me, you know that I HATE to be called on the phone). I didn't answer, but I texted that I couldn't talk and wasn't texting back because I'm busy and that I'd talk to her tomorrow. Then I get this tirade that devolves into all kinds of self-loathing, and then spirals into "I hate you and I'm mad at you." I apologized that I hurt her and made her mad, but that sometimes I need to enforce some boundaries. This led into her blaming me for her meltdown and problems. At that point, I knew that to continue the conversation was fruitless so I let it be.

I understand that her reaction and behavior is the product of a medical condition, that she doesn't truly mean these things, and that she will have deep regret over her words when she calms down. But I've seen her have plenty of meltdowns before and this is the first time that she's ever gone off and directed this hateful negativity at me. I know that if I stay involved in her life, it will not be the last. Her words were hurtful, manipulative (even if she's not conscious of that fact), and tantamount to emotional abuse. And whether she's abusive because she's a terrible person or she's abuse because she has a medical condition, the truth is that I'm left with no choice but to cut ties. It's not that I don't have compassion for her, but I also have compassion for myself and I'm not going to subject myself to this kind of treatment. I has a sad...


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## UnderTheSign

Aren't there any meds etc that help her disorder? A girl I know is bipolar (or whatever, she went to half a dozen shrinks until one of them dropped a suggestion she agreed with) and wether she's actually as unstable as she claims to be I don't know but ever since she's on meds she has improved a TON. I'd never thought proper medication could work that well.


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## russmuller

UnderTheSign said:


> Aren't there any meds etc that help her disorder? A girl I know is bipolar (or whatever, she went to half a dozen shrinks until one of them dropped a suggestion she agreed with) and wether she's actually as unstable as she claims to be I don't know but ever since she's on meds she has improved a TON. I'd never thought proper medication could work that well.



From what I've read, psychotherapy is the primary treatment to help patients while medication is a smaller component of it. She's been on some meds since her hospitalization, but considering her regression to more teenage-like fits of anger, I think she'll probably need to explore some other medications with a psychiatrist before she hits on something that really helps her.

When she was younger, she used to have altercations with her mother that would often result in physical violence and the police being called. After cutting off contact with her mother once she moved out, she managed to overcome those fits of anger and learn to manage it. Now, it seems like it's coming back and I don't intend to find out how bad it can get.


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## MFB

I'd say the elephant in the room for the situation is that, YOU DIDN'T TELL US YOU WERE NEIGHBORS. Like, that's a terrible idea from everything I've heard, right up there with dating coworkers; because if things go south, they usually require a big move to be made by one of the parties involved. 

In this case, I feel like as long as she's living next to you - this will never end, because you're always right next door and she's going to look at that as a support system. Doesn't matter if you don't want her to, she will, and then she'll come over and guilt you into something and the cycle will continue.


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## russmuller

MFB said:


> I'd say the elephant in the room for the situation is that, YOU DIDN'T TELL US YOU WERE NEIGHBORS. Like, that's a terrible idea from everything I've heard, right up there with dating coworkers; because if things go south, they usually require a big move to be made by one of the parties involved.
> 
> In this case, I feel like as long as she's living next to you - this will never end, because you're always right next door and she's going to look at that as a support system. Doesn't matter if you don't want her to, she will, and then she'll come over and guilt you into something and the cycle will continue.



We moved into the same complex after we started dating, but on opposite sides. So "neighbors" is a little bit of a stretch, but it's a 2 minute walk. Fortunately, she's moving out in a few weeks.


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## Maybrick

MFB said:


> I'd say the elephant in the room for the situation is that, YOU DIDN'T TELL US YOU WERE NEIGHBORS. Like, that's a terrible idea from everything I've heard, right up there with dating coworkers; because if things go south, they usually require a big move to be made by one of the parties involved.
> 
> In this case, I feel like as long as she's living next to you - this will never end, because you're always right next door and she's going to look at that as a support system. Doesn't matter if you don't want her to, she will, and then she'll come over and guilt you into something and the cycle will continue.



I learnt the hard way about dating co workers. My ex was a coworker, I was really keen for a girlfriend at the time and she was new so it was like "A new girl who (at the time) I thought was attractive" so I just stupidly convinced myself I liked her. After we dated I knew she was a psycho and she kept constantly testing me. Because we had been dating for a while I didnt want it to be awkward at work if we broke up so we essentially had a 3 year relationship based on her being a constant bitch, she was .... at sex and just a horrible person. I was such a little bitch thinking it was my fault/failure so tried what I could for about 2 years to get it to work. After 2 years I gave up and didnt give a .....



russmuller said:


> We moved into the same complex after we started dating, but on opposite sides. So "neighbors" is a little bit of a stretch, but it's a 2 minute walk. Fortunately, she's moving out in a few weeks.



As long as she actually does. If she says in a few weeks "yeah, theres been some problems so the date has been pushed back" or whatever you need to get yourself out of there. You really need to cut her out of your life at least for a while so she can learn to just hang with others and not rely on you.


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## TedEH

Maybrick said:


> I learnt the hard way about dating co workers.



I know the whole coworkers deal usually gets frowned upon, but I feel like it's something people just like to lean on as an excuse when things go bad. I've dated people I worked with before, and it was never as big a problem as people claim, even continuing to work together after things broke down. It's not any worse than those people who continue to live with their ex, or things like that. IMO, you shouldn't pick your relationships based on convenience and logistics, it should be based around judgments of character and the value that you can contribute to eachothers lives. 

Maybe I'm just more willing to take those kinds of risks than some people though- and I do recognize there's some added risk to that kind of situation. But I'd do it anyway. Coworkers? Sure. Old friends? Yup. Recent breakup? Who cares, go for it. Known/diagnosed psychological issues? Whatever. I've never regretted taking a risk on someone I thought could bring some real value to my life, but I have regretted not taking the risk. YMMV


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## Rachmaninoff

russmuller said:


> Well, I think things have come to a head with my "ex" and I. I use quotation marks because we're neighbors and even after the breakup we've continued to go out and sleep together. :-\



Oh boy...


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## Maybrick

TedEH said:


> I know the whole coworkers deal usually gets frowned upon, but I feel like it's something people just like to lean on as an excuse when things go bad. I've dated people I worked with before, and it was never as big a problem as people claim, even continuing to work together after things broke down. It's not any worse than those people who continue to live with their ex, or things like that. IMO, you shouldn't pick your relationships based on convenience and logistics, it should be based around judgments of character and the value that you can contribute to eachothers lives.
> 
> Maybe I'm just more willing to take those kinds of risks than some people though- and I do recognize there's some added risk to that kind of situation. But I'd do it anyway. Coworkers? Sure. Old friends? Yup. Recent breakup? Who cares, go for it. Known/diagnosed psychological issues? Whatever. I've never regretted taking a risk on someone I thought could bring some real value to my life, but I have regretted not taking the risk. YMMV



You're probably right. I was younger then and definitely a lot more weaker (mentally) than I am now.

There are a lot of people at the place that I work that met, dated and are now married.

I just think thats its risky business but then again, you never know until you try.


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## glpg80

TedEH said:


> IMO, *you shouldn't pick your relationships based on convenience and logistics, it should be based around judgments of character and the value that you can contribute to eachothers lives. *
> 
> Maybe I'm just more willing to take those kinds of risks than some people though- and I do recognize there's some added risk to that kind of situation. But I'd do it anyway. Coworkers? Sure. Old friends? Yup. Recent breakup? Who cares, go for it. Known/diagnosed psychological issues? Whatever. I*'ve never regretted taking a risk on someone I thought could bring some real value to my life*, but I have regretted not taking the risk. YMMV



You know, I've thought about your post for a while. Looking at relationships and friendships beyond trust and more in terms of added value makes a lot of sense. Being a very empathetic person myself it's easy to give ample amounts, without setting an expected bar for what is/could/will be received in return. The results have ended about as bad as you'd expect - textbook doormat.


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## ftr

Yeah, I live in a pretty small town as well, but i don't live far from cities where there is a greater population. I pretty much have no way to be social down there in person to meet girls. So i resort to online dating, like i have always done, and it hasn't been great lately. It is depressing knowing that most of them are not worth committing to, and when you find the few that you are interested in, then you send a message and they probably won't even reply. The best ways i have gotten girls to reply is if i mention a obscure band or movie they mentioned on their profile right off the bat. that's how pretty much all of my conversations start. but its kind of rare that that happens. So it's depressing searching through profiles most of the time and it makes me feel lonely, but if i don't then i probably won't find someone on there. I don't know. I like to think that in my case. I may be waiting longer, but I hope when i find the right person, it will be amazing and way better than if i had just had a bunch of meaningless relationships. It still sucks though because I think of finding the right girl, and being with an imaginary girlfriend way too much. I also still miss my ex, which sucks. I have the top reasons in my head of why it is a good thing i am no longer with her and i just think of those and keep pushing through. One of the things i like to think is this breakup is like a strengthening process, strengthening me for the next relationship, which may be with the person i be with for years and years, who knows, but I will appreciate the next relationship even more and not take it for granted. I get impatient sometimes, but remind myself, I am probably not just going to find the right person who i will probably spend years with all of the sudden right after a break up. I have started seeing escorts. I think it is a good thing for me. I hope it isn't inappropriate to talk about that here. I get attached to easily and i think it will keep me satisfied when done occasionally until i find someone else who is worth committing too. Just felt like ranting.


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## Ibanezsam4

in the home stretch for getting my wife back lol. This weekend she needs to support another event out of state but starting Monday she's taking time off to unwind and get back into a regular schedule


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## ASoC

Had a really weird night, realized that I'm more broken than I thought. It's going to be a long time before I should consider messing with women. I have a lot of work to do on myself before I can put myself out there again.


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## cwhitey2

ASoC said:


> Had a really weird night, realized that I'm more broken than I thought. It's going to be a long time before I should consider messing with women. I have a lot of work to do on myself before I can put myself out there again.



Don't feel down buddy, we have all been there or at least I have been.


I have been single for 3 years now...I'm not even sure on the time span anymore.

The one thing I have learned is you have to make yourself happy before you can truly make someone else happy.


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## ASoC

Feeling better about it today.

Basically what happened was: This girl I knew and messed around with in highschool and I started talking and suddenly within a week she was in my room ready to get piped. The whole thing felt strange and it being actually 0 effort made it feel wrong (never mind the fact that she has a bf, which also weighed on my conscience a lot more heavily than I thought it would). I got the sense that she has sex compulsively and it felt like she wanted a dick, not like she wanted me. Needless to say, I found the whole thing weird and wasn't into it. We ended up talking and when I said that I just wanted to understand (which is basically my defining trait) and she told me not to say it because her bf says it. She also told me she still loved me when she left. Naturally, this leads me to believe that she stays with her bf because he's somewhat like me, which just makes me sad for both of them.

Now I feel like such an asshole for the .... I did when I was 17 and I feel like I ....ed this girl up almost as badly as my ex did to me.


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## ftr

Is it bad that I still can't get my ex out of my head? Yeah, I guess I do have some integrity by resisting all urges to contact, but I don't feel like I am a strong person though, since I am still emotionally wrecked from it. I seriously don't know what else to do. I have just tried been keeping strong every single day, hoping the pain will go away and I will eventually stop thinking about her. It seriously was just so bad for me emotionally. I was on cloud 9 with her, and it ended so sudden, no closure, nothing. I faced breakup head on, cold turkey, embraced the grief. And here I am still not over her. Not feeling much growth from the pain I have endured. I just feel lonely, weak, and broken emotionally. She probably thinks I am just fine right now. I kind of wished she knew how I felt, and what she did to me emotionally.


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## High Plains Drifter

ftr said:


> Is it bad that I still can't get my ex out of my head? Yeah, I guess I do have some integrity by resisting all urges to contact, but I don't feel like I am a strong person though, since I am still emotionally wrecked from it. I seriously don't know what else to do. I have just tried been keeping strong every single day, hoping the pain will go away and I will eventually stop thinking about her. It seriously was just so bad for me emotionally. I was on cloud 9 with her, and it ended so sudden, no closure, nothing. I faced breakup head on, cold turkey, embraced the grief. And here I am still not over her. Not feeling much growth from the pain I have endured. I just feel lonely, weak, and broken emotionally. She probably thinks I am just fine right now. I kind of wished she knew how I felt, and what she did to me emotionally.



The feelings that you're having can be considered fairly normal ( definitely understandable) given the fact of how badly the heart can break after it's allowed to run so recklessly... stumbling head over heels into territory that is so dangerously wonderful. Some people are more reserved and cautious and some people just don't make that connection with someone, so for those kinds of individuals, a break-up may not be as difficult. Or for those people that need or want out of a relationship, it's certainly manageable or even a relief to be done with it. 

But unfortunately there are those other special relationships that seem to take their toll on our hearts.... because it was seemingly so perfect, or because we jived so well with that person, or because we gave so much of ourselves to that person, or because we were just co-dependent and/ or needy from the start. After all, we often times had preexisting flaws or weaknesses long before that "perfect one" ever came along anyway and it's good to recognize that. You are being forced to deal with all of that as you grieve. That's why it sucks so bad and why it takes a long time sometimes, and why the pain seems to just never go away... but it will. It may never be completely healed up, as the lasting effects from a broken heart can span many weeks, months, or even years. 

But the thing is that you will in time find yourself managing the reality of what happened, what it was and what it was not, and how you as an individual will forge and create your own solace. Life is not perfect and neither are any relationships. Being in a ....ty relationship is imo worse than flying solo for a few months or even years. Part of your mind tries ( in an almost self-sabotaging way) to believe that this was actually a good relationship but there is another part of you that knows that it was not. There is also a part of you that knows that you must keep trudging forward. The further that you come and the more that you are able to physically distance yourself ( in regards to taking it one day at a time and consistently building upon that), the better it is going to get emotionally. 

It hasn't really been all that long yet... especially as emphatically taken with this girl as you were. The main thing is to continue putting more and more time between the break-up and where you are now... That means no contact... none. Gradually you will understand that whatever she may or may not think about you, or how you are doing, etc... simply does not matter at all. You may still feel a bit weathered, callous, or hurt even at that point where you begin to crest the hill, but when you eventually DO reach that stage in your grieving, then you will find yourself feeling much better about yourself and [likely] appreciative to have gone thru what you did... because that is where you will really begin to be able to identify with that strength and character that I first mentioned a few pages back. 

You're gonna be alright man.


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## ftr

I am trying to be grateful for grief that the breakup caused, and I want to believe that I will gain strength from this that will benefit me in the future. I try to look at it as, I had a great time when I was with her, and I also get the opportunity to grow from the breakup too. That has probably been the main motivation that has kept me from turning into a baby and crying at her front door. The emotional wound may be extremely painful and may take a while to heal, but I hope whatever I gain from it will be worth it. I was very emphatically inclined with her. This breakup was so complex, it's hard to not think about it a lot, especially since their was no closure. She is a little mentally unstable and is not very good at expressing herself, so who knows what she thinks. I know she genuinely cared about me when we were together though. I might see her at a Steven Wilson show later this year, so unfortunately that might make things bittersweet. If she did ever try to talk to me again, I am not sure if I could, or should, even though I really care for her, and we share rare interests. I feel like I could never forgive her for what she did. So that also makes it hard.


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## austink

The best advice can give is to stop caring what she thinks/how she feels. That all needs to stay in the past. I was in a very bad relationship where she was mentally very ill and abusing medication. I wore myself out trying to get her help etc. When it all ended she was completely off her rocker. But it wasn't my issue and I wiped my hands of her and never cared/thought what she was feeling. 

Chances are you wont get the closure you want and holding out hope for that will just make you suffer more. It honestly doesn't matter if you came out of it better or worse or if you had good memories or not. It is over now and it wont be important soon enough. Being sad about wont make it hurt less or make you heal any faster. Don't waste your effort on wondering if you will ever talk/ihow it would be to run into each other.


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## High Plains Drifter

ftr said:


> I am trying to be grateful for grief that the breakup caused, and I want to believe that I will gain strength from this that will benefit me in the future. I try to look at it as, I had a great time when I was with her, and I also get the opportunity to grow from the breakup too. That has probably been the main motivation that has kept me from turning into a baby and crying at her front door. The emotional wound may be extremely painful and may take a while to heal, but I hope whatever I gain from it will be worth it. I was very emphatically inclined with her. This breakup was so complex, it's hard to not think about it a lot, especially since their was no closure. She is a little mentally unstable and is not very good at expressing herself, so who knows what she thinks. I know she genuinely cared about me when we were together though. I might see her at a Steven Wilson show later this year, so unfortunately that might make things bittersweet. If she did ever try to talk to me again, I am not sure if I could, or should, even though I really care for her, and we share rare interests. I feel like I could never forgive her for what she did. So that also makes it hard.



Closure is something that we don't often get because as long as you're still feeling vulnerable or sensitive about the whole thing, then where do you draw the line in regards to "what is closure"? The closure must come from within yourself... essentially your mind and heart working together to get beyond the breakup for the sake of your own emotional health and stability. That means taking from that whole mess, that which will help you to understand and accept that the relationship was simply not ever going to successfully work in the long term. 

It's easy for someone to suggest that you simply stop thinking/ obsessing over the relationship and subsequent breakup but we are all different and [as stated already] there are a good deal of psychological and behavioral components already in place. That's what makes us all different and that's why it's easier for some people to let things go as opposed to others that may take longer to get past something like this. 

No one ever said that healing, grieving, and moving forward was fun nor easy... But that is just part of life. I think that you're doing great in regards to not contacting her and you are proving to yourself that you can move forward in that regard and that the world didn't end just because this one particular relationship didn't work out. 

But what you deserve and must work towards, is letting go of the emotional turmoil. There is nothing there for you to analyze about her. Nothing in regards to what she thinks about you or how you're doing is relevant... not if you are to grow and learn and become stronger emotionally. That's the part that you have to get beyond. 

You may think of her every single day for months to come...and that's okay as long as you're not obsessing and as long as that isn't negatively affecting your day to day life ( activities, moods, motivation, etc). Lingering thoughts flow thru the mind pretty damned freely so it's not as if you have to try to force yourself to not have random thoughts here and there. That's just going to happen for a while. But how you deal with those thoughts is the key... and eventually you WILL find yourself having those random thoughts less and less. 

You just can't be consumed by this. File it under "Sometimes life just sucks" because honestly, it does. Pain is manageable and it is necessary. But it is also necessary to stay grounded and sane. That's where your heart and your mind have to get on-board... self-preservation, man. You can love again and you can live life without being miserable. You just have to utilize the attributes that you have. You possess the means to manage your feelings just as you have proven that you possess the means to refrain from contacting her. 

WHEN... not "if"... but when you finally purge most of this toxicity out of your system, you will discover that seeing her at a show or on the street or with another dude really is not a big deal. Right now the thought of those scenarios may seem like an anxiety-producing nightmare. But believe me... when you are finally able to get beyond this in a way that allows you to recognize how bad the relationship was, and how bad she was for your mental health and emotional stability, it will make you look at things quite differently... more like "Oh... There's that chick that I used to go out with... Meh... whatever." 

Essentially what I'm saying is that if you allow your "survival instincts" to overcome this "tragedy", then they will. You have that ability and that necessity to get beyond this. It will simply take continued assertiveness and perseverance. If you feel that reaching out for support is helping, then by all means keep it up. Getting your feelings off your chest isn't a bad thing and it often times helps us to identify with reality. 

Anyway... keep moving forward. Eventually this will pass.


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## BucketheadRules

I ended things with my girlfriend today.

She was great, she made me really happy for a while and treated me like a king, but for whatever reason I've had cold feet recently, and it was not a feeling I could shake. For a little while now I just haven't felt the same about her as I did at the start (a couple of months ago). It was always clear to me that she was a lot more into me than I was into her, and I couldn't make it work in my head any more. It didn't seem like a healthy way to go about things and it wasn't making me happy any more.

I was as nice about it as I could possibly be, I made sure she knew it was nothing she'd done wrong, but obviously and understandably she got very upset. She started crying, and by the end of it I was in tears too. It was a f*cking horrible experience... I don't feel like I have the right to complain because it was me that ended it, but I hate the feeling of having upset her like that, even though I know it was the right decision for me. And for her too, because as I said, it'd hurt both of us far more if I'd strung it out and stayed in a relationship I wasn't happy in.

I feel like a turd though.


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## BlackMastodon

^It happens man. Any time I had to break off a relationship like that I've always felt like complete sh*t. I don't like making someone go through that, especially when they don't see it coming or are expecting more. We're just more empathetic than some, I guess.


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## Alberto7

BucketheadRules said:


> I ended things with my girlfriend today.
> 
> She was great, she made me really happy for a while and treated me like a king, but for whatever reason I've had cold feet recently, and it was not a feeling I could shake. For a little while now I just haven't felt the same about her as I did at the start (a couple of months ago). It was always clear to me that she was a lot more into me than I was into her, and I couldn't make it work in my head any more. It didn't seem like a healthy way to go about things and it wasn't making me happy any more.
> 
> I was as nice about it as I could possibly be, I made sure she knew it was nothing she'd done wrong, but obviously and understandably she got very upset. She started crying, and by the end of it I was in tears too. It was a f*cking horrible experience... I don't feel like I have the right to complain because it was me that ended it, but I hate the feeling of having upset her like that, even though I know it was the right decision for me. And for her too, because as I said, it'd hurt both of us far more if I'd strung it out and stayed in a relationship I wasn't happy in.
> 
> I feel like a turd though.



I haven't checked this thread in a while. Came back to find this. Somehow, I am awfully proud of you and feel like you have come a long way from where you were just a few months ago. As you said, it feels awful, but it's what had to be done to avoid further and greater grief. You'll be good man, and so will she.



ftr said:


> I am trying to be grateful for grief that the breakup caused, and I want to believe that I will gain strength from this that will benefit me in the future. I try to look at it as, I had a great time when I was with her, and I also get the opportunity to grow from the breakup too. That has probably been the main motivation that has kept me from turning into a baby and crying at her front door. The emotional wound may be extremely painful and may take a while to heal, but I hope whatever I gain from it will be worth it. I was very emphatically inclined with her. This breakup was so complex, it's hard to not think about it a lot, especially since their was no closure. She is a little mentally unstable and is not very good at expressing herself, so who knows what she thinks. I know she genuinely cared about me when we were together though. I might see her at a Steven Wilson show later this year, so unfortunately that might make things bittersweet. If she did ever try to talk to me again, I am not sure if I could, or should, even though I really care for her, and we share rare interests. I feel like I could never forgive her for what she did. So that also makes it hard.



What can I say dude... you'll be alright. It takes longer for some than others, especially when the emotional investment was strong and even more so if things just went up in smoke with no closure at all. Seems like you're still coming to terms with what happened, but slowly you'll begin planting your feet on solid ground and you'll start having some snippets of clarity here and there that'll make you feel good. Whenever you find yourself in one of these moments of clarity where you're able to rationalize your feelings and when you see that it isn't worth it being in that state of mind, remember it. Remember how good that moment of clarity felt. Use it for reference in the future and it'll help you stay grounded. In the future, those moments will become more frequent and will become longer, to the point that it will hopefully become your status quo. Also, it is true that whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. You just have to soldier through the storm until you begin to see the silver lining. I know what I said sounds vague and rather fantastical, as I'm offering no concrete or specific advice, but it's exactly how you'll feel once you're past this and look back. Hang in there dude, and vent when you need to.

-------------

That said, I've found myself not giving two single f*cks about dating or seeing anyone for the last couple of months, and I feel like a king in that regard. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, then I'm probably better off that way anyway.  I admit to having had a couple of pretty awful days in the last few months remembering everything that happened last year and wondering what she might be up to, but I've begun to think of that 'baggage' as battle scars that make me a slightly more interesting and more well-rounded person.


----------



## ftr

Alberto7 said:


> I haven't checked this thread in a while. Came back to find this. Somehow, I am awfully proud of you and feel like you have come a long way from where you were just a few months ago. As you said, it feels awful, but it's what had to be done to avoid further and greater grief. You'll be good man, and so will she.
> 
> 
> 
> What can I say dude... you'll be alright. It takes longer for some than others, especially when the emotional investment was strong and even more so if things just went up in smoke with no closure at all. Seems like you're still coming to terms with what happened, but slowly you'll begin planting your feet on solid ground and you'll start having some snippets of clarity here and there that'll make you feel good. Whenever you find yourself in one of these moments of clarity where you're able to rationalize your feelings and when you see that it isn't worth it being in that state of mind, remember it. Remember how good that moment of clarity felt. Use it for reference in the future and it'll help you stay grounded. In the future, those moments will become more frequent and will become longer, to the point that it will hopefully become your status quo. Also, it is true that whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. You just have to soldier through the storm until you begin to see the silver lining. I know what I said sounds vague and rather fantastical, as I'm offering no concrete or specific advice, but it's exactly how you'll feel once you're past this and look back. Hang in there dude, and vent when you need to.
> 
> -------------
> 
> That said, I've found myself not giving two single f*cks about dating or seeing anyone for the last couple of months, and I feel like a king in that regard. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, then I'm probably better off that way anyway.  I admit to having had a couple of pretty awful days in the last few months remembering everything that happened last year and wondering what she might be up to, but I've begun to think of that 'baggage' as battle scars that make me a slightly more interesting and more well-rounded person.



These past few days have probably been the least painful in a while. It seems grief really does come in waves. I feel like, even though it has felt absolutely horrible, this path without her is best for me.

I wonder if it is really true that you won't likely find true love when you look for it all of the time.


----------



## BucketheadRules

That feel when you see your ex's tweets and so on and just think... "I have nothing against her but I'm SO glad I'm not with her any more".

I was definitely right to end it.

Anyway, looks like I have a date next week


----------



## MFB

Went out tonight with spicy little Italian number tonight. She made some pretty cheesy jokes but she made up for it by flashing these real saucy looks my way.










Fine...

I'll be honest, I had a dinner date and it was with pizza, but pizza won't break my heart; just clof the arteries leading to it.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

MFB said:


> Went out tonight with spicy little Italian number tonight. She made some pretty cheesy jokes but she made up for it by flashing these real saucy looks my way.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Fine...
> 
> I'll be honest, I had a dinner date and it was with pizza, but pizza won't break my heart; just clof the arteries leading to it.



pizza is a very sexy dish. up there with oysters IMO


----------



## ftr

Lol. Yesterday was pretty weird. I went to take a math test, and after I was done ended up talking to the lab supervisor about relationship problems for 7 hours straight, haha. She was going through a similar situation and we ended up looking at each others ex's. Haha, I don't know why, but she wanted to look at my ex on social media, I was like you go ahead, I am not going to look. Then I said .... it. We were looking through her pictures and she has pictures with this girl she is probably dating, not that pretty, and some dude on the opposite side next to the girl who looks like a tool bag you see at wal-mart. She doesn't look very happy in the photos we looked at. She told me she probably misses me and is dying to hear from me and I should text her, and assumes I don't care. Because that is pretty much how she feels right now, kind of the same situation with her and her ex and assumes her ex doesn't care because he left things off the same way I did, and she is too stubborn to try to initiate contact. Anyway, I thought again, if maybe I should send a text and see how she responds, but I decided not to, for the reasons I have said before. Even if I knew for a fact she wanted me back just as bad, if not more, I probably still wouldn't right now. I am actually glad I am going through this time single.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Stick to your guns man.


----------



## broj15

You guys are gonna hate me for this, but she's "back". About a week and a half ago I had to go into her place of work (she works at a department store) and as much as I tried to avoid/ignore her she came up to me and started a conversation. She said that even after things went down how they did she couldn't just act like nothing ever happened between us and that she still had things to say. She still had some of my things that I'd given to her or let her borrow so I told her to get a hold of me so I could get those things back. 

A few days later she asked if she could come by my place when she got off work and I (stupidly) agreed. She said she was sorry for treating me the way she did and that she's been wanting to reach out to me but hadn't because she didn't feel like she had a right to (she didn't). I told that I couldn't forgive her, but I acknowledge and sort of accept her apology. I asked her how she'd been and she said she felt like she was on "the up swing". She's started seeing a new therapist and was on new meds and it felt like she was getting better (sounds familiar, right?). Part of what her and her therapist have been working on was how how she should only be around people that she wants to have as permanent fixtures in her life. She said that in light of that she's cut contact with that jeremy dude and is working on being consistently single for the first time in over 3 years. They've also been doing an exercise where she just talks about whatever comes to mind without stopping. Apparently I come up a lot. I really wish she didn't say sh_i_t like that to me.

She asked how I'd been doing and I told her I'd actually been doing really well and had been clean since we stopped talking - minus the green stuff. I don't use that as an emotional crutch like alcohol or pills so I don't see the harm in it. I told her I've just been really busy with band related things (played 6 shows in june, have 2 more booked for july, taking august off to write/rest, then we're scheduled to play a fest and hit an ACTUAL STUDIO in September, and are plotting the "3 band 3 day banger tour" in October.)

After we'd both caught up on the past couple months we just sat and talked about random sh_i_t just like we did when things were good between us (believe it or not they were actually really good at one point in time). We talked about our cats (we're both huge cat lovers) which spurred her to talk about how she accidentally backed over one of her cats on her way to work the other day, at which point she got emotional, which prompted me to comfort her (yeah, I really am that stupid). After I broke the "touch barrier" she started putting her hand on mine, getting really close, kept looking at me like she wanted to kiss me/wanted me to kiss her (it didn't happen).

All in all she was at my place until about 3 in the morning (she said that even after everything she still has the hardest time leaving my place) despite her having almost an hour drive home and having to be up at 7 the next morning so her, her mom, and her sister could go on vacation. Before she left she asked me how I felt about everything. I told her I wasn't sure and I'd have to think about it. She said that when she got back from vacation i'd be the first and only person she gets a hold of and I could tell her how I felt then.

Part of me wants to tell her to just fvck off (though I would do it with kinder words than that) but there's still some small part of me that cares about her for whatever reason. We were both amazed at how even after all the sh_i_t that occurred and after so long without seeing each other we could both be so comfortable just idling talking to each other about nothing in particular and not hold any animosity toward each other (she admitted that she expected me to be my most passive aggressive and to turn her away as soon as I got my stuff back).

I think I'm just going to see how things play out but in the mean time keep my options open and see what happens. As I said, I've got plenty of shows coming up and I can't help but think that I'll either notice some girl or some girl will notice me and something good will happen. Y'all know I'm a very stubborn person and will do whatever I want when it comes to girls (especially her for whatever reason) so I'm kinda past the point of advice and was mainly just needing an outlet to vent.


----------



## Tyler

So I was with a girl for about 5 years. We had our fair share of rough patches but overall we were super close and have been hugely involved in each others lives. This year Ive struggled with severe depression, but kept denying it to myself which ultimately let it get worse to where I could give anybody any emotion really. I was unable to give this girl the affection she needed and almost felt robotic as school was stressful, along with other personal things going on in my life. 

3 months ago she left because she said she felt insignificant and that I didnt care enough anymore, and that she no longer loved me. Afterwards, she would still sleep over al the time but didn't want anyone to know because she said she didnt want her friends to think less of her for still talking to me after she left. Honestly, it hurts a lot still as she just doesn't want anything to do with me and we had plans to get engaged after we both graduated this next spring. Shes said a few times she wants to come visit for a day, but everything just retracts and says it wouldnt be a good idea and she doesnt want to complicate things. This girl is literally on my mind no matter what I do, and theres nothing I can do. I successfully got help and havent been depressed from what was goig on before, but her not being around has put me in another state of it to where I keep getting anxiety from knowing shes hanging out with other guys. She knows how much I care about her and that I would do anything to work it all out, but shes simply not interested in it at all anymore after 5 years. Im just not sure how people can flip a switch like that and choose not to love you anymore when you're struggling with a mental illness that didnt involve the relationship. Maybe one day she'll return, but until then I've just been trying to cope in any way to distract myself from thinking about her.


----------



## TedEH

Tyler said:


> Im just not sure how people can flip a switch like that



Maybe not what you want to hear, but people don't just "flip a switch". In my experience (whatever that's worth), people make significant changes to their relationships only after sitting on the idea for a while. I've known couples that looked perfectly fine from the outside, or even to their own partners, but were quietly just waiting for the right moment or excuse because they know separations like that are not to be taken lightly. Maybe it looks like just a sudden switch, but you can't know what someone else is thinking. It was probably not as sudden as you think.

IMO the best thing you can do is find ways to put her and that situation out of your mind. Trying to salvage a situations where both parties weren't really happy most of the time (I'm assuming) is futile. And continuing to see someone after the fact is just going to mess with most people. I don't think it's worth it. You now have the freedom to work on yourself. The freedom to meet new people, to learn more about yourself, start some new hobbies, do all the things you couldn't do while committed to someone else, etc. Be spontaneous, go on a trip, make some new goals, start a new hobby- something. Give yourself something positive to focus on so that you can move forward. It's not a distraction, it's a new direction.


----------



## russmuller

Tyler said:


> I was unable to give this girl the affection she needed and almost felt robotic...
> 
> ...choose not to love you anymore when you're struggling with a mental illness that didnt involve the relationship.



The source of your mental illness may have not involved the relationship, but the effects of it certainly did. Having a mental illness is difficult, but so is being in a relationship with someone who has a mental illness. That doesn't mean it's your fault, nor hers. It's just an unfortunate thing.

And love is not a choice, but it is something that can burn out. It can also be rekindled. Don't project negativity on her if she's unwilling to give it that chance. I know it's hard to hear, but you're best off trying to learn what you can from the experience and doing the best you can to keep yourself occupied and healthy.


----------



## austink

russmuller said:


> The source of your mental illness may have not involved the relationship, but the effects of it certainly did. Having a mental illness is difficult, but so is being in a relationship with someone who has a mental illness. That doesn't mean it's your fault, nor hers. It's just an unfortunate thing.



This is an unfortunate truth. When I was with my ex she was severely sick and no matter how much I tried to help etc. I was being ground down and her illness was negatively affecting my daily life. 

With regards to your situation, I am very happy to hear you have managed to find success in treating your depression. At this point it is going to be difficult to try and not think about it, but that is pretty normal. Having an open and honest discussion with someone you trust can do a lot in trying to clear your head. It sounds like you know that you need to keep moving forward, but in doing so don't just ignore the feelings. Learning how to cope with this sort of pain goes a long way. 

Having the mindset of "maybe she will come back" can drive you up a wall. You have to think what would her motivation be in ever coming back. I did have an ex come back after leaving me for another guy and guess what happened, she did it a second time. You deserve better. While it easy to want to feel that same way again, a fresh start with someone new is just as exciting. 

Focus on yourself and trying to get things right with yourself. You can use all of your energy into productive things to better yourself. I am sure there are plenty of people out there that believe in you and will have your back in trying to get back to good.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Date tomorrow. Wish me luck fellas!


----------



## BucketheadRules

Seemed to go ok, I think. It was a first date from Tinder so there was always going to be the initial awkwardness of meeting for the first time, but we seemed to overcome that reasonably well. Hopefully seeing her again soon enough. (also she's hoooooot )


----------



## ASoC

russmuller said:


> The source of your mental illness may have not involved the relationship, but the effects of it certainly did. Having a mental illness is difficult, but so is being in a relationship with someone who has a mental illness. That doesn't mean it's your fault, nor hers. It's just an unfortunate thing.





austink said:


> This is an unfortunate truth. When I was with my ex she was severely sick and no matter how much I tried to help etc. I was being ground down and her illness was negatively affecting my daily life.



So much this. My ex and I were BOTH sick, she more so than I. I tried so hard to help her and gave so much of myself because I wanted her to see herself the way I did. In making that futile effort I lost myself and I still sometimes see a stranger when I look in the mirror, 2 years later.

Time trudges on, and so must we.


----------



## Alberto7

inb4 "she's Team Mystic and I'm Team Valor."

Pokemon GO, destroying relationships since 2016.


----------



## BucketheadRules

She says, and I quote, "I just watched a video of you playing and you're so f*cking good".


----------



## ASoC

Alberto7 said:


> inb4 "she's Team Mystic and I'm Team Valor."
> 
> Pokemon GO, destroying relationships since 2016.



I was talking to a girl on tinder and she said started with squirtle... looks like we can't be friends


----------



## Alberto7

^  To be fair though, I know people who started with Squirtle and are in Team Valor. I went full red though.  Still though, I feel an intense sense of defeat any time one of my gyms has been taken over near me, so I understand if that would be considered backstabbing in a relationship.


----------



## ZeroTolerance94

Deleted.

Anybody who read this post...
...The girl, I didn't send that to her.

She told me today she cut off contact with the guy, for being a jerk and pressuring her too much.

I then told her how I feel about her, again, to which she reciprocated. As usual.

But instead of us talking about staying friends.
...I told her it's not appropriate for this exact moment in time. But that I plan on asking her out and pursuing more than a friendship when the time does become appropriate.

She said that's good.

I'm not cutting contact off with her after all.


----------



## BucketheadRules

A few months ago me and one of my best mates from school went to see Ginger Wildheart live in London, and there was a girl in the audience who was (at a guess) a couple of years younger than me, very cute, and we were standing near-ish each other at the front (probably about ten feet apart). We were both singing pretty much every word of every song, and kept making eye contact. Every time she looked back at me we'd both be singing the words, and she gave me a sort of cheeky smile every time it happened. I'm still kicking myself for not asking for her number or something.

Anyway... tonight the same friend and I are seeing Ginger Wildheart live in London again. Is it weird that I'm seriously wondering if this girl might show up there again... I mean, she's clearly a big fan, she knew the words to pretty much everything and was wearing a Hey! Hello! T-shirt (Ginger's new band, who are the first support tonight) so it doesn't seem like a particularly wild leap of the imagination... if she is indeed there and we see each other, I feel like I really should say or do something but I don't know what. All I know is I don't want to be kicking myself even more if I see her again and let it pass me by without trying.

Weird situation huh.


----------



## Maybrick

BucketheadRules said:


> A few months ago me and one of my best mates from school went to see Ginger Wildheart live in London, and there was a girl in the audience who was (at a guess) a couple of years younger than me, very cute, and we were standing near-ish each other at the front (probably about ten feet apart). We were both singing pretty much every word of every song, and kept making eye contact. Every time she looked back at me we'd both be singing the words, and she gave me a sort of cheeky smile every time it happened. I'm still kicking myself for not asking for her number or something.
> 
> Anyway... tonight the same friend and I are seeing Ginger Wildheart live in London again. Is it weird that I'm seriously wondering if this girl might show up there again... I mean, she's clearly a big fan, she knew the words to pretty much everything and was wearing a Hey! Hello! T-shirt (Ginger's new band, who are the first support tonight) so it doesn't seem like a particularly wild leap of the imagination... if she is indeed there and we see each other, I feel like I really should say or do something but I don't know what. All I know is I don't want to be kicking myself even more if I see her again and let it pass me by without trying.
> 
> Weird situation huh.



Go for it, its absolutely golden talking point. Its not like you're meeting in a bar and you have to think of something cliche like "So, you come here often?" 

At least you can open by asking her how many times shes seen the band, favourite song etc then branch of into similar bands that interest you.

You've got a PERFECT change if she's there this time - good luck.


----------



## MFB

I got a chick's number from a concert once, texted her the next morning and she had no clue who I was despite hanging out all night and after about three messages I never heard anything again.

Last time I decided to do that.


----------



## Behindthesun

Wow, SSO really does have it all.

I wish I was aware of this thread when dealing with that sociopath.


----------



## ftr

I don't think I have ever asked out a stranger in person. I feel like I should try it. I want to know what is the best way that is not cliche, overused, or creepy. I remember there was this really cute girl that worked at a grocery store that I had a crush on, but could not ever figure out how I would ask her out. Whenever I would rehearse it in my head, it would just be really creepy when I would look at it in third person. Now there is this girl that works at a bookstore that I think is cute. I am more confident now and less fearful of rejection, I still don't know what to say though. I was wondering if there was some underrated ways of asking out strangers without being cliche or creepy, or is that the only way, haha.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

ftr said:


> I don't think I have ever asked out a stranger in person. I feel like I should try it. I want to know what is the best way that is not cliche, overused, or creepy. I remember there was this really cute girl that worked at a grocery store that I had a crush on, but could not ever figure out how I would ask her out. Whenever I would rehearse it in my head, it would just be really creepy when I would look at it in third person. Now there is this girl that works at a bookstore that I think is cute. I am more confident now and less fearful of rejection, I still don't know what to say though. I was wondering if there was some underrated ways of asking out strangers without being cliche or creepy, or is that the only way, haha.



To me, even if you don't know the girl... it's a matter of having some kind of "spark" or connection vs not having that. Regardless of whether or not you "know" them, you should be able to at least kinda feel some [even slight] degree of chemistry. I mean... a lot of establishing a positive/ natural/ working relationship has to do with that sorta effortless/ natural vibe that is created when we engage that person or when they engage us. This is true of lots of different kinds of relationships... not just intimate ones. Friendships happen in the same way for example. 

So I would just try to determine if she seems like someone that you could synchronize with. As human beings co-existing, we have a tendency to take cues from one another. You could "rehearse" something or say something that you think is witty but if the person isn't receptive, then it's not going to "land" and then there becomes that tension or awkwardness... you know... that feeling of "Crap... Abort!" lol. 

So be confident and be yourself. Make a purchase or ask her for some kind of information about some book , author, subject matter, etc to get the ball rolling. Be sincere and again... execute some confidence. One of your most valuable assets is having a sense of humor... that way she feels more compelled to let down her guard. You can also decide to just be short and to the point and say something to the effect of "Hey... I really think that you're sweet/ kind/ funny whatever, and so I'd like to ask you out." Just keep in mind that this kind of direct approach can make a girl feel a bit uncomfortable and like she's being put on the spot so you better be hella handsome or suave lol. For most of us, we need to make it about her and/ or the connection rather than about proclaiming some kind of dominance or aggressiveness. 

Again... be confident, be charming, be funny... but above all else, be natural and always be who you are. 

Good luck.


----------



## Behindthesun

ftr said:


> I don't think I have ever asked out a stranger in person. I feel like I should try it. I want to know what is the best way that is not cliche, overused, or creepy. I remember there was this really cute girl that worked at a grocery store that I had a crush on, but could not ever figure out how I would ask her out. Whenever I would rehearse it in my head, it would just be really creepy when I would look at it in third person. Now there is this girl that works at a bookstore that I think is cute. I am more confident now and less fearful of rejection, I still don't know what to say though. I was wondering if there was some underrated ways of asking out strangers without being cliche or creepy, or is that the only way, haha.



Dating is over rated. I aim to have enough guitars so that I may die alone comfortably when the time comes.


----------



## Slunk Dragon

Finally resolved problems I've been having with my relationship. Sometimes conquering your fears is far harder than anything else. Can't believe it took this long, but better late than never. She gave me a respectable conversation, and that was more than I could've asked for.


----------



## russmuller

Well things are finally cut off with the girl I referred to as Dreamy Djent Girl. Even though I know it was necessary, I still feel awful about it. It was impossible for the two of us to just maintain a friendship. We always gravitated back into bed, which inevitably morphed back into a relationship of some kind. I enjoyed it, and I do love her, but I wasn't "in love" with her (and that's something that I told her more than once).

It's hard to believe that someone who seemed to match me so perfectly in the beginning could become such a different, clingy, and crazy person over the period of a few months. After she'd quit her last job (by simply not showing up anymore), I knew she was having some kind of depressive episode and that things would turn around with time and support. It took me a few months more to realize that this wasn't just am isolated breakdown. It wasn't that she just hit her melting point with life's stress. This is a part of who she is, and it's a pattern she'll repeat again and again.

She stopped showing up at her next job and was able to avoid being fired by filing disability paperwork. And after more than 2 months off, she lasted 2 days back at work before she had another meltdown and called out again (this time because I posted something on Facebook which she mistook as having something to do with her and got upset over it).

I know how to do the boyfriend thing where you have to apologize for crap that's not your fault, but it was getting ridiculous to where she would actually blame me for her missing work, or for her desire to inflict self-harm. The amount of effort and energy it would take to calm her down and help her return to normal was just too much. At minimum I'd need to go over to her place to hold and reassure her all through the night, instead of getting much-needed sleep for work in the morning. I didn't want to wear that cape anymore. I got tired of being an emotional punching bag in a situation where defending myself would only make things worse.

We had plans to move the last of my stuff out of her apartment, and I was going to use that encounter to end things between us. But a day or two before that, she was texting me and started asking me questions she didn't really want the answers to. She asked if I loved her unconditionally, and I had to answer honestly. Instantly she went to "I'll never be loved by anyone," "I just want to die because of you," and "I hope you know you're the reason I broke," etc... When I woke up in the morning, she had blocked me on Facebook (or deleted her account, I'm not sure which). We haven't communicated since.

I know that was her mental illness talking when she said those things, but man does it feel awful to have someone you care about say things like that. It's really been weighing me down. I hate leaving things like that, but I also know that contacting her is a trap. I have all this negativity and sadness floating around, and I suppose it's just a matter of time to let go of it.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

^^^ Man... That kind of repeated manipulation is just a complete death sentence in a relationship... unless the other party has emotional/ mental issues that keeps them tethered for whatever reasons. And then it's just a horrible codependent union at that point. 

Really glad to see you moving forward, as I know you possess a great deal of positive energy and drive. Despite that there are I'm sure, some good memories and a unique [intimate] connection that flowed thru the earlier stages of that relationship, it's so wise and healthy to stand up for what you know was the best thing to do. As for any guilt or sadness that may linger, you already know that you were doing her no favors either, by continuing to feed her instability, delusion, dependency, etc. 

Really hope that your journey brings you more solace and happiness no matter where that path leads you.


----------



## Alberto7

russmuller said:


> Well things are finally cut off with the girl I referred to as Dreamy Djent Girl. Even though I know it was necessary, I still feel awful about it. It was impossible for the two of us to just maintain a friendship. We always gravitated back into bed, which inevitably morphed back into a relationship of some kind. I enjoyed it, and I do love her, but I wasn't "in love" with her (and that's something that I told her more than once).
> 
> It's hard to believe that someone who seemed to match me so perfectly in the beginning could become such a different, clingy, and crazy person over the period of a few months. After she'd quit her last job (by simply not showing up anymore), I knew she was having some kind of depressive episode and that things would turn around with time and support. It took me a few months more to realize that this wasn't just am isolated breakdown. It wasn't that she just hit her melting point with life's stress. This is a part of who she is, and it's a pattern she'll repeat again and again.
> 
> She stopped showing up at her next job and was able to avoid being fired by filing disability paperwork. And after more than 2 months off, she lasted 2 days back at work before she had another meltdown and called out again (this time because I posted something on Facebook which she mistook as having something to do with her and got upset over it).
> 
> I know how to do the boyfriend thing where you have to apologize for crap that's not your fault, but it was getting ridiculous to where she would actually blame me for her missing work, or for her desire to inflict self-harm. The amount of effort and energy it would take to calm her down and help her return to normal was just too much. At minimum I'd need to go over to her place to hold and reassure her all through the night, instead of getting much-needed sleep for work in the morning. I didn't want to wear that cape anymore. I got tired of being an emotional punching bag in a situation where defending myself would only make things worse.
> 
> We had plans to move the last of my stuff out of her apartment, and I was going to use that encounter to end things between us. But a day or two before that, she was texting me and started asking me questions she didn't really want the answers to. She asked if I loved her unconditionally, and I had to answer honestly. Instantly she went to "I'll never be loved by anyone," "I just want to die because of you," and "I hope you know you're the reason I broke," etc... When I woke up in the morning, she had blocked me on Facebook (or deleted her account, I'm not sure which). We haven't communicated since.
> 
> I know that was her mental illness talking when she said those things, but man does it feel awful to have someone you care about say things like that. It's really been weighing me down. I hate leaving things like that, but I also know that contacting her is a trap. I have all this negativity and sadness floating around, and I suppose it's just a matter of time to let go of it.



F*cking EW man.

That kind of manipulation is the freaking lowest. She should put on her big girl pants, at least TRY to get her sh!t together, and stop spewing that kind of bullsh*t around. I'm not normally this insensitive, as I have firsthand experience with anxiety, depression, and self-loathing, but she should at least understand that being that manipulative just makes her look like an all-around bad person. I've hated the person I loved during my darkest moments, and even if I did blame them for everything that was wrong with me at that point, my rational side understood that that was just a stupid way of thinking, and I never, ever told her such mean comments, as much as I may have wanted to. Blame and credit go where they are due, but "you are the reason I broke" and "it is because of you that I want to die" are just... no man. Run away from that. That's completely uncalled for.

Ugh. 

Sorry for getting worked up, man. I obviously don't know her side of the story, but there are very few things I hate more than emotionally manipulative people.


----------



## vividox

Yuck. Definitely echo what HPD said. Those situations suck and you did really well to cut all ties.

Next step will be resisting the temptation to get involved again in the very likely event that she comes back at you with an apology and breasts.


----------



## russmuller

High Plains Drifter said:


> As for any guilt or sadness that may linger, you already know that you were doing her no favors either, by continuing to feed her instability, delusion, dependency, etc.
> 
> Really hope that your journey brings you more solace and happiness no matter where that path leads you.



Thanks, man. You're absolutely right that I wouldn't be doing her any favors (nor myself).



Alberto7 said:


> I obviously don't know her side of the story, but there are very few things I hate more than emotionally manipulative people.



The most frustrating thing is that, for people with her condition, they're often unable to recognize that they're being emotionally manipulative and abusive. It's all driven by biology and subconscious processes, so she's manipulative but not intentionally so. Borderline Personality Disorder makes relationships VERY difficult.



vividox said:


> Next step will be resisting the temptation to get involved again in the very likely event that she comes back at you with an apology and breasts.



^THIS!!!!!! I think she's totally written me off at this point, so I'm hoping she'll stay away.


----------



## Alberto7

russmuller said:


> The most frustrating thing is that, for people with her condition, they're often unable to recognize that they're being emotionally manipulative and abusive. It's all driven by biology and subconscious processes, so she's manipulative but not intentionally so. Borderline Personality Disorder makes relationships VERY difficult.



Yeah, there's somebody close to me who exhibits A LOT of BPD traits, and they're an absolute nightmare to deal with sometimes. It pisses me off to no end. I've confronted them about the stuff they've done (before I realized that it might be just symptoms of BPD), and they just didn't acknowledge anything of the things I was saying. Like, it blew my mind away seeing their reaction upon being confronted, and it's a very hard pill to swallow when you have to accept that those people, quite simply, are like that and won't change. Needless to say, I don't really get involved with this person's personal affairs anymore, nor do I confront them about their behavior, as long as it doesn't affect me personally. I feel for you man. And, in a more light-hearted and relaxed manner than my previous post, I am happy that you're moving forward.


----------



## TedEH

Just an opinion, and maybe I'm pretty far off the mark, but it bothers me when people find all these ways to excuse people being sh*tty to them- "it's not their fault", "they're diagnosed with xxxx", "they have anxiety", "it's just biology doing it's thing", etc. I don't care who's diagnosed with what, either a) the issues are real and severe enough that that's enough of a reason to distance yourself in the first place or b) people are people, and despite the excuses, legit or not, people are still making a choice on some level to be sh*tty to the people around them- and it absolutely is their own fault. Nobody seems to ever feel comfortable attributing responsibility to the appropriate person.

People don't stop being people when their problems are given official names.


----------



## russmuller

TedEH said:


> Just an opinion, and maybe I'm pretty far off the mark, but it bothers me when people find all these ways to excuse people being sh*tty to them- "it's not their fault", "they're diagnosed with xxxx", "they have anxiety", "it's just biology doing it's thing", etc. I don't care who's diagnosed with what, either a) the issues are real and severe enough that that's enough of a reason to distance yourself in the first place or b) people are people, and despite the excuses, legit or not, people are still making a choice on some level to be sh*tty to the people around them- and it absolutely is their own fault. Nobody seems to ever feel comfortable attributing responsibility to the appropriate person.
> 
> People don't stop being people when their problems are given official names.



I agree with you on point A, but not on point B. No amount of diagnosis or compassion makes it a good idea to subject yourself to someone's abusive behavior. But if they behave that way because of an illness, what good does it do to attribute fault to them for their biological condition?

I have a friend with CP who uses a walker to get around. When we go places, she moves slowly. If we're in a hurry, it's not her fault that we're moving slowly even though it's a fact that we're moving slowly because of her disability. And if it was something she could change, she would. But I think you'd agree that nothing is gained by holding her personally responsible for something biological that she has little control over. That doesn't mean we can't acknowledge it, and be smart about planning around it though.

I think that, by and large, it's more difficult for people to take that same view with mental illness because it's poorly understood by science and there isn't something external that makes the illness visibly obvious.

With this ex, she's cried many times about how she wished her mind wasn't like this. If she was capable of not being this way, she would. It sucks to feel such crippling emptiness and loathing that you want to hurt or kill yourself. It sucks to sometimes become so blinded and confused by negative emotions that you say hurtful things to people who care about you, and then deal with the guilt afterwards.

I have a lot of compassion for that, I really do. But I just don't have the time and energy for it. I don't want my life's work to be consumed by balancing someone else's mental health at the expense of my own.


----------



## TedEH

^ I think you misunderstood my point. I'm not saying you shouldn't be compassionate when people have legit issues, or that we should be sh*tty to people who have issues- but rather that we shouldn't allow people to hide behind those issues or those labels, or allow people to use those as excuses to make poor choices. I can appreciate that some things are difficult for some people, but that doesn't doesn't change the fact that they make their own choices.



> No amount of diagnosis or compassion makes it a good idea to subject yourself to someone's abusive behavior.



That's a big part of what I mean- we should never respond to someone acting in a way that harms us by saying "it's ok, because they have ____". It's not ok.



> what good does it do to attribute fault to them for their biological condition?



Fault should be attributed to the person who is actually at fault. What good does it do to relieve people of responsibility when they're legitimately at fault of something? If someone is physically disabled, yeah, acknowledge that and move past it, that's not their fault, there was no choice involved- but when someone manipulates you, or bails on plans you made for no good reason, or blames you for their depression, or leads you on, or lies to you, cheats on you, or whatever else- no amount of "but I have ____" excuses that.

It maybe doesn't even directly apply to any of the situations here, but I'm tired of people justifying toxic behavior with "it's ok, it's not their fault because they have anxiety" or something like that. Not in my books. It's absolutely any persons own fault that they behave the way they do, if fault absolutely has to be attributed somewhere. Putting labels on behaviors has given people a way out of taking responsibility for themselves.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

I don't think that the word "fault" is as entirely accurate but it fits for lack of a less blaming description. I believe that "accountable" may be a better way to describe and to consider that aspect of behavior. It's certainly a much more difficult situation to handle with diplomacy when it's a family member or when it's someone that for whatever reason(s) you don't have the opportunity to get away from. 

But regardless, that person [whether knowingly or not] can absolutely destroy just about every otherwise potentially healthy relationship that comes their way. It's just a shame and very sad for all those involved... and so emotionally exhausting. It's one of those situations that no matter how you attempt to deal with it, you're left constantly feeling "damned if I do/ damned if I don't". Just trying to avoid confrontation can be perceived as that you just don't care. And when you reach out BECAUSE you care, you are often gunned-down for "being argumentative" or "against" them. 

It truly is a no win situation without professional intervention and unfortunately that rarely happens in a completely positive way. The words "rock bottom" and "suicide" come to mind now but that's a different topic all together. No matter how "over" a relationship [or a person] you are, it's extremely difficult to watch from the sidelines or to intervene at the expense of your own safety and sanity, so it's often just best to try to get to a point that you can adamantly decide to not be a part of it anymore.


----------



## TedEH

High Plains Drifter said:


> I don't think that the word "fault" is as entirely accurate but it fits for lack of a less blaming description.



^ I'll give you that.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Admittedly... I never had much luck with the "normal" girls. I've seemingly always attracted women with issues. And maybe I've also been somewhat attracted to them as well... you know, as someone who is drawn towards projects and restorations and modifying in other aspects of my life. I was going to use the phrase "as someone who likes challenges" but if I'm to be completely honest, I think that there is the likelihood that "healthy" women are a bit intimidating as well as the distinct possibility with emotionally healthy women, that I am forced to more closely scrutinize my own emotional health and weaknesses. 

It's somewhat sobering to ponder that probability but I would guess that I'm not the only one.


----------



## TedEH

High Plains Drifter said:


> "normal" girls [...vs...] women with issues.



I don't know how useful it is to think of people in terms of having issues vs. not having issues, and more in terms of recognizing that everyone is going to have some kind of quirk, some are just more visible than others. Everyone has "issues", they're just not all on the surface. There is no "normal" when describing peoples behaviors or personalities- you're always going be able to find some detail about a person that disqualifies them for that description if you look for it.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

"Normal" meaning women that were perceived as "decent". I'm not using labels... just going by what societal/ community standards seemed to dictate. Believe me, I know that just because a girl comes from the burbs and personifies that "good girl" image, that those indicators really don't mean much. I guess I'm just saying that the more outcast/ quirky girls were always the ones that I was drawn to... maybe because they were less discriminating... maybe because I just had more in common with them... many factors probably. Was just an observation about my own past relationships.


----------



## vividox

The good thing about dating a "woman with issues" for awhile is it gives you quite the appreciation of the "normal" girl you date next (please excuse my continued use of the awful categorizations, I think we can all understand and appreciate that as generic and disingenuous as these terms are, they are still understood by all and are the easiest way to convey a certain characteristic, even if it is a little heavy handed). I like to tell my wife that she could get away with murder because nothing she is capable of doing will ever be as bad as the day to day life I lived with my ex. She'll get mad about something and then immediately apologize for "being a bitch" and I'll just laugh and tell her she has absolutely no idea what a real bitch is like.


----------



## russmuller

vividox said:


> The good thing about dating a "woman with issues" for awhile is it gives you quite the appreciation of the "normal" girl you date next.



Yup! My parents are divorced and my dad got remarried when I was about 20. He's said many times (about his 2nd wife) that "she isn't perfect, but she IS the best." I hope that I'll feel that way about someone some day.


----------



## MFB

vividox said:


> The good thing about dating a "woman with issues" for awhile is they're usually awesome in the sheets


----------



## russmuller

^


----------



## vividox

MFB said:


>


Yuuup.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Tfw you and a girl from Tinder both want to Netflix-and-chill but you both live at home and neither of your houses are ever free 

Can't wait to be moving to London next month so, among other things, I won't have to worry about this sh*te.


----------



## Behindthesun

MFB said:


> The good thing about dating a "woman with issues" for awhile is they're usually awesome in the sheets



I second that, best lay I've ever had was a ....ing nut job. Wasn't worth being bottled in the face, punched and kicked in the head or trapped inside the house for trying to leave during the relationship, but she was a good shag none the less.


----------



## Daeniel

Girlfriend is pissed at me 'cause last week I went to an event and my ex was also there - due to common friends. Background - I live in Germany and she lives in Italy, actually in my hometown. I am 100% faithful, but that does not help apparently. She trusts me, but she explodes anyway when something like this happen - even if nothing really happened. Nothing serious to be honest, but still annoying. Women...


----------



## TedEH

Not a super interesting story, but- Met a lady off of Tinder last night, had a beer, talked for a while, wasn't a disaster. It was nice.


----------



## BucketheadRules

TedEH said:


> Not a super interesting story, but- Met a lady off of Tinder last night, had a beer, talked for a while, wasn't a disaster. It was nice.



Nice!

I'm texting a girl I met via Tinder on the regular at the minute, circumstances have prevented us from meeting so far but hopefully we will, she seems nice (and up for some action )... the girl I had a date with a few weeks ago has popped back up as well, out of the blue... but she's being as weird and evasive as before when it's come to organising another date, even though she asked me first when we were seeing each other again. She's an odd one.


----------



## Maybrick

Daeniel said:


> Girlfriend is pissed at me 'cause last week I went to an event and my ex was also there - due to common friends. Background - I live in Germany and she lives in Italy, actually in my hometown. I am 100% faithful, but that does not help apparently. She trusts me, but she explodes anyway when something like this happen - even if nothing really happened. Nothing serious to be honest, but still annoying. Women...



My ex used to be like that. I found the best way was to ignore it completely or playfully wind her up about it even though you think it might be risky. I used to pander to her and reassure her that I loved her but realized part why she did it was a mind game - she just wanted that reassurance.



TedEH said:


> Not a super interesting story, but- Met a lady off of Tinder last night, had a beer, talked for a while, wasn't a disaster. It was nice.



Good work, think you'll go on a second date?


----------



## TedEH

Maybrick said:


> Good work, think you'll go on a second date?



It's possible. She made a comment at the end of the night about just being friendly for now, no rush, etc., but suggested getting together to play some video games or something- all sounds good to me. Didn't hear anything yesterday, I'm thinking I might text tonight and suggest a video-game-themed bar nearby. Mario Kart + Beer + new cool lady sounds like a good way to spend part of the upcoming weekend.


----------



## Alberto7

Is it normal that I just got filled with anxiety and bad memories because my old roommate (the one I was head-over-heels for; the one that gave me a whole year full of drama and anxiety) wrote to me?

She wrote to me today for the first time in a whole year to wish me happy birthday and to tell me how lucky I am to have my birthday land on the first day of an anime convention that we both attend every year... and she's implied a few times by now to a couple of our common friends that she wants to see me.

Like, I thought I'd made my peace with whatever happened between us, and to a great degree I have, but I really do not want her contacting me... I'm unsettled by the fact that I find myself wanting to tell her off just to make her feel a fraction of the frustration I might have felt at some point because of her.

I thought I'd buried it already, but apparently it just crawls back out of its grave in a strange sort of zombie state.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

It's all up to you whether it stays buried or not... all up to you. You have the strength and that's a valuable asset. Also it's very positive for you to maintain a realistic view about all of it... not just what happened but also where you're at now and where you want to eventually be. 

I think that it's kinda chicken-sh!t when ex's come back and try to cuddle up again... especially if they were the one that cheated, lied, etc... and ESPECIALLY if they were the one to break it off in the first place. I just love how nonchalant she's being lmao... like nothing ever happened. Screw that. 

I wouldn't say jack to her tbh. She doesn't need to be validated with a response and she's honestly not being very respectful towards you... for several reasons. Anyway... as for your question... Yep. Completely understandable to feel some degree of anxiety, even after a year. Yep. Just don't fall back into a situation that you know is going to potentially bring about a ton of negativity and heartache. You've worked to hard to get to where you're at now. Let the resentment go but keep climbing/ don't fall. 

best of luck, bro.


----------



## Chokey Chicken

I wouldn't do much of anything. You don't want to talk to her, then don't. If anything is to be said, be cool about it. Just say you don't want to hang out or something. You don't have to like her, but mouthing off is just going to ensure that you'll be more involved with her for longer.

Basically, don't make any decisions based on emotions regarding her. No good will come from it.


----------



## Alberto7

High Plains Drifter said:


> It's all up to you whether it stays buried or not... all up to you. You have the strength and that's a valuable asset. Also it's very positive for you to maintain a realistic view about all of it... not just what happened but also where you're at now and where you want to eventually be.
> 
> I think that it's kinda chicken-sh!t when ex's come back and try to cuddle up again... especially if they were the one that cheated, lied, etc... and ESPECIALLY if they were the one to break it off in the first place. I just love how nonchalant she's being lmao... like nothing ever happened. Screw that.
> 
> I wouldn't say jack to her tbh. She doesn't need to be validated with a response and she's honestly not being very respectful towards you... for several reasons. Anyway... as for your question... Yep. Completely understandable to feel some degree of anxiety, even after a year. Yep. Just don't fall back into a situation that you know is going to potentially bring about a ton of negativity and heartache. You've worked to hard to get to where you're at now. Let the resentment go but keep climbing/ don't fall.
> 
> best of luck, bro.



Well, it's more complicated than I put it, since we never dated, but she knew firsthand that I was completely infatuated with her, and she grew nothing but closer to me after I opened myself up to her and told her what I was feeling... which made me feel like I was being played with, or that she was just an emotionally impaired person who didn't realize the harm she was doing to me. (I was also stupid enough not to push her away immediately, but alas, at least I know what my reason not to was.) Then, knowing this, she pulled some stuff that absolutely crushed me and made me the most sickeningly angry I've ever been. I then confronted her about and we talked it out, but I could never quite forgive her for it no matter how much I tried to convince myself of it. She recognized that her actions were wrong and that she'd hurt me more than she could imagine, but I could not erase the image from my mind. Regardless, we kept on being very close friends. I didn't have the strength to push her away. It was a stupid and gigantic crush I had on someone that I shouldn't have, for many, very good reasons. (She was gay-but-not-sure-about-it and was in a sh*tty relationship, not to mention I had to live with her every grueling day of that year.) I knew I should never have grown so attached to her, but I was not in control of my emotions. I was in control of my actions at all times, (which I am extremely proud of) but I was never quite in control of my feelings.

We left it off on a good note the last time we saw each other, but we agreed not to speak to each other until I was ready again... which I made clear could end up being forever and with which she wasn't exactly fine, but agreed to nonetheless.

In other words, my problem is that, given how complicated it all was, and given that she never asked for me to develop feelings for her, I don't know if it's acceptable for me to be angry at the fact that she's trying to get my attention once again.

It also upsets me not to know why on Earth she wants to talk to me again so much. I knew what she meant to me, and I know that she thought of me as close to her, but I don't know what I actually ever meant to her. It was always so confusing to me.



Chokey Chicken said:


> I wouldn't do much of anything. You don't want to talk to her, then don't. If anything is to be said, be cool about it. Just say you don't want to hang out or something. You don't have to like her, but mouthing off is just going to ensure that you'll be more involved with her for longer.
> 
> Basically, don't make any decisions based on emotions regarding her. No good will come from it.



Oh, I'm absolutely not going to speak with her of my own volition. I do feel like doing her that kind of emotional harm, but I think it's beneath me to actually carry it out. What I should, shouldn't, will, or won't do doesn't bother me too much, but it's the feeling that does.

I do wonder though, because I AM going to that anime con this Sunday with a friend, regardless of whether she's there or not. She'll be selling stuff at the artists' alley, (and also roaming around, apparently) which I will most surely be visiting to buy some prints and merch. I have absolutely no idea how I will react upon seeing her, and I am, quite frankly, terrified of the encounter. But I figure I have to go anyway. I'm not gonna deprive myself of doing the things I want to do because of stuff that happened over a year ago.

Anyway, I'm just kinda thinking (read: worrying) out loud, since I've kept it buried for so long. Absolutely not falling down that rabbit hole again.

Thanks for the input!


----------



## russmuller

Alberto7 said:


> Anyway, I'm just kinda thinking (read: worrying) out loud, since I've kept it buried for so long. Absolutely not falling down that rabbit hole again.
> 
> Thanks for the input!



Sorry you're dealing with that. Zombie feelings are a bitch.


----------



## BucketheadRules

russmuller said:


> Sorry you're dealing with that. Zombie feelings are a bitch.



I sometimes get zombie feelings over the first girl I ever had a crush on, a childhood friend who I still see once in a blue moon. She's quite something.

I did used to get them for my first ex, who left me in the sh*ttiest way possible earlier this year (I'm still faintly staggered at how she was ok with treating me so badly), but those are mostly under control now. And I don't even get them for my more recent ex, whom I broke up with. I'm very glad I ended that.


----------



## Alberto7

So I ended up writing a general status update that all my friends could see thanking them for the birthday wishes instead of getting back to each one of them in public as I usually do, which would force me to also contact her. (It reflects very badly on me if I get back to everybody publicly except her.) I did message my contacts who sent me good wishes privately on FB save for her. Nobody knows that but me, so that's okay. (And my sister, and now you guys.) 

I also went to the anime convention today, and I had a whole lot of fun, but I did not run into her. Now, I find myself disappointed and sad that I didn't run into her. Like, why the sh!t am I being so contradicting? First, I'm angry that she's trying to contact me and get my attention. Then, I am terrified and hate the idea of running into her, but I will NOT let that stop me from doing things that I want to do. And then, once I DON'T run into her, I feel a very deep sense of disappointment and I'm sad I didn't see her. Almost like I missed my only opportunity to... I don't know what I wanted to do. I am getting an impulse to write to her now, but I absolutely don't want to, and I doubt I will. But resisting is taking a toll on me.

I'm feeling very nostalgic at the moment and, right now, I just want to see her. Badly. Hopefully that feeling will subside soon enough...

Ugh, this is so annoying. Why can't things just settle in my head once and for all one way or another... :/


----------



## flint757

Your brain must be a confusing place.


----------



## Alberto7

^ Don't I friggin' know it.  Oh well, I think it's just an episode. It'll go away soon enough. I know my sister has talked to her a few times and saw her this weekend, so I may just ask her to fill me in and see if that appeases my backwards mind.


----------



## cwhitey2

My love life anymore = random sex with a girl I know :/

Which in theory sounds great...but I kind of want something meaningful anymore....but just not with her. I feel like I'm probably going to hurt her feelings


----------



## russmuller

The past couple of days have been rough. On the one hand, I've relapsed into mourning for the relationship I ended a year and a half ago. I still think that breaking up was the right thing to do, but I sorely miss the good parts of what we had. And my dogs.

I finally got my key back from the recent crazy one. After dropping the key off under my doormat, she texted asking if we could talk as friends. I said that's not a good idea because I don't think I can talk to her without one of us getting upset or wanting to sleep together. She told me that she's seeing someone, which was unexpectedly hurtful. I guess when you need someone to be an emotional crutch like she does, you're motivated to find a replacement quickly.

At least I was able to successfully channel some of this energy into bad song lyrics. XD


----------



## cwhitey2

russmuller said:


> I guess when you need someone to be an emotional crutch like she does, you're motivated to find a replacement quickly.



I had an ex that was like this. Needless to say we longer speak and it's definitely best that we don't.

Mine broke up with after I took the day off of work to hang out with her because she was going a 14 day trip...she broke up with me the day before. When she got back she was in a relationship. I'm pretty sure she cheated on me.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

russmuller said:


> The past couple of days have been rough. On the one hand, I've relapsed into mourning for the relationship I ended a year and a half ago. I still think that breaking up was the right thing to do, but I sorely miss the good parts of what we had. And my dogs.
> 
> I finally got my key back from the recent crazy one. After dropping the key off under my doormat, she texted asking if we could talk as friends. I said that's not a good idea because I don't think I can talk to her without one of us getting upset or wanting to sleep together. She told me that she's seeing someone, which was unexpectedly hurtful. I guess when you need someone to be an emotional crutch like she does, you're motivated to find a replacement quickly.
> 
> At least I was able to successfully channel some of this energy into bad song lyrics. XD



Idk... If she is [happily] seeing someone new, then why ask if "we could talk"? Sounds to me as if she is wanting you to hurt... expected strategy of a manipulator. If you'd been the one that had requested to talk as friends, then it would make more sense for her to discourage contact by mentioning that she is seeing someone, but I don't really think there's a rational basis to say such a thing in such a particular context. My guess would be that this was more of a "last ditch/ desperation" thing to draw emotion out of you. I don't doubt that it is completely possible, as for every attractive woman there are always about a billion guys ready to get intimately involved ( ha.. we men should have it so easy!), but even if that's the case, I feel pretty certain that any new relationship for her isn't going to be a healthy one anyway. For people with co-dependency issues, you know that they tend to jump from one crutch to the next. None of it is here nor there anyway. I just wanted to suggest that you not feel too hurt by what she says. Sorry... I realize that you are intricately familiar with how she is, so no disrespect intended... just wanted to touch on this momentarily.


----------



## BucketheadRules

russmuller said:


> I guess when you need someone to be an emotional crutch like she does, you're motivated to find a replacement quickly.



Hence my ex is presumably back to sleeping around.

I'm not, I haven't been laid in the six weeks since I broke it off with her and I'm really feeling like I need some action  I've been texting this girl I met on Tinder for a week or two now and it seems like sparks are flying, we both really want to spend the night together but it's kind of long distance (she very recently moved to Bath, a totally different part of the country, and I'm about to move to London, the opposite direction) and we're trying to find a way of making that work. Well, at least until we get to sleep with each other. I dunno whether it'll go any further if we do eventually get to do that, but hey.

She's really cute though. And seems to like me. Happy. 

(I always feel like I'm jinxing myself every time I post in this thread though, so hopefully I haven't just blown everything for myself )


----------



## Alberto7

BucketheadRules said:


> (I always feel like I'm jinxing myself every time I post in this thread though, so hopefully I haven't just blown everything for myself )



That's part of the reason why at some point I stopped posting so much here.  It felt like psychological self-sabotage, almost.


So, I ended up doing what I thought to be the decent thing and messaged her thanking her for the birthday wishes, and told her I hoped things were well with her. She messaged me back a couple hours later saying "Np, I hope you're well as well!" and that's it. Quite anti-climactic, which part of me thinks is perfect, but another part of me wants to re-connect and say the things I held back from her. (Which I did because I thought, and still do, that some things are better left unsaid.)


----------



## TedEH

BucketheadRules said:


> I always feel like I'm jinxing myself every time I post in this thread



I know the feels this week- I posted in this thread about a lady I met recently and thought it had gone well, but after posting about it I lost contact with her for no apparent reason. Something something counting chickens....


----------



## BucketheadRules

TedEH said:


> I know the feels this week- I posted in this thread about a lady I met recently and thought it had gone well, but after posting about it I lost contact with her for no apparent reason. Something something counting chickens....



Yup, I'm saying nothing more


----------



## Obsidian Soul

BucketheadRules said:


> (I always feel like I'm jinxing myself every time I post in this thread though, so hopefully I haven't just blown everything for myself )


That's why I'm going to be remain silent from now on.A month ago,I was talking to a lady on pof, and we conversed for several days and she was complimenting me.As soon as I told someone else,that same day,she never texted back.Then,the following day she deletes her profile.


----------



## ftr

When you finally find a cute girl on okc that has good tastes, and likes punk, wolves in the throne room ,and Mastodon, etc. Then find out is transgender.


----------



## russmuller

ftr said:


> When you finally find a cute girl on okc that has good tastes, and likes punk, wolves in the throne room ,and Mastodon, etc. Then find out is transgender.



Eh, maybe give it a shot? Transgender can mean a lot of things. If she's cute and cool, it could be totally worthwhile.


----------



## TedEH

russmuller said:


> Eh, maybe give it a shot?



I assume if he was willing to, he would have. I run into that same scenario every once in a while and my reaction is the same- instant pass. Zero interest anymore. Let people do or be whatever they want, but there's no requirement that other people be into it.


----------



## MFB

Out of curiosity I checked out a friends' page whom I've lost contact with (haven't spoke since mid-March) and it looks like she split with her boyfriend - which isn't surprising honestly.

The ....ty part of me however sees that and always thinks back to the day I almost told her how I felt, and then says, "HEY WE SHOULD GO DO THAT" and it's like, no. Just no, brain. That's not how this works, and not how it will ever work.

Should've stayed away bruhs, I dun goofed.


----------



## BucketheadRules

Little help?

Over the past couple of months since breaking up with my gf I have been talking to two main people I've met on Tinder. One is a girl I managed to meet up with, not massive sparks-wise but pleasant enough, and she's pretty hot. Let's go chronological af and call her girl #1.

I met girl #1 IRL about six weeks ago, and since then we've been in kinda sporadic contact, I've tried a couple of times to get dates organised, and she's initially been agreeable to it and then dropped out or off the radar closer to the time. Then she'll get back in touch a week or so later and the cycle will repeat. I keep getting sucked in because I would quite like to bang her, even though I'm not wild about her and she seems to be toying with me.

Then girl #2 comes along, we've been speaking for two or three weeks now. It's been a lot more regular, I think we've been in touch via text or Snapchat every day actually. She's a long way away from me at the minute, but we're hoping to meet soon. We're 21 and 18 and both sexually frustrated in the extreme, so most of our conversations are pretty filthy, which is fine by me. Haven't really got to actually know her that much but she seems cool and it seems like we both want to sleep together as soon as humanly possible.

So I've been in pretty solid contact with girl #2 for a while, and am starting to feel like talking to other girls might be a bit of a dick move (although I have no idea whether or not she's talking to any other guys, and I feel weird trying to find out), and then yesterday girl #1 pops up again for the first time in a while, with some excuse for why she stopped replying last time, which I'm not sure I buy. She's also been liking my stuff on Instagram. I've ignored the text and I'm pretty sure she's just playing with me and will do the same thing again if I do reply, but at the same time I can't help wondering if there's a quick shag in it with girl #1 if I pluck up the courage to ask. But then I'm wondering if that would make me feel like a lowlife p.o.s. mistreating girl #2, whom I like more.

I dunno. Writing it all out makes it seem like a no-brainer anyway, I really should just cut off girl #1 for good and try to keep things going with girl #2. My other question - am I being unreasonable for wanting to know whether girl #2 is talking to other guys? Because I'm not really talking to other girls, and I'm wondering if that's right or if I'm being taken for a mug.


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## TedEH

BucketheadRules said:


> am I being unreasonable for wanting to know whether girl #2 is talking to other guys?



Unreasonable? Maybe. But I think that's a normal sign of genuine interest maybe. Lots of guys (maybe most guys? all guys? who knows) get this weird sort of feeling of ownership over ladies they like, but don't handle it all the same way. You can't fault yourself for thinking or feeling something, but you do have complete ownership of how you respond to those things.

Also, yeh, no brainer, cut off #1.


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## Maybrick

BucketheadRules said:


> Little help?
> 
> Over the past couple of months since breaking up with my gf I have been talking to two main people I've met on Tinder. One is a girl I managed to meet up with, not massive sparks-wise but pleasant enough, and she's pretty hot. Let's go chronological af and call her girl #1.
> 
> I met girl #1 IRL about six weeks ago, and since then we've been in kinda sporadic contact, I've tried a couple of times to get dates organised, and she's initially been agreeable to it and then dropped out or off the radar closer to the time. Then she'll get back in touch a week or so later and the cycle will repeat. I keep getting sucked in because I would quite like to bang her, even though I'm not wild about her and she seems to be toying with me.
> 
> Then girl #2 comes along, we've been speaking for two or three weeks now. It's been a lot more regular, I think we've been in touch via text or Snapchat every day actually. She's a long way away from me at the minute, but we're hoping to meet soon. We're 21 and 18 and both sexually frustrated in the extreme, so most of our conversations are pretty filthy, which is fine by me. Haven't really got to actually know her that much but she seems cool and it seems like we both want to sleep together as soon as humanly possible.
> 
> So I've been in pretty solid contact with girl #2 for a while, and am starting to feel like talking to other girls might be a bit of a dick move (although I have no idea whether or not she's talking to any other guys, and I feel weird trying to find out), and then yesterday girl #1 pops up again for the first time in a while, with some excuse for why she stopped replying last time, which I'm not sure I buy. She's also been liking my stuff on Instagram. I've ignored the text and I'm pretty sure she's just playing with me and will do the same thing again if I do reply, but at the same time I can't help wondering if there's a quick shag in it with girl #1 if I pluck up the courage to ask. But then I'm wondering if that would make me feel like a lowlife p.o.s. mistreating girl #2, whom I like more.
> 
> I dunno. Writing it all out makes it seem like a no-brainer anyway, I really should just cut off girl #1 for good and try to keep things going with girl #2. My other question - am I being unreasonable for wanting to know whether girl #2 is talking to other guys? Because I'm not really talking to other girls, and I'm wondering if that's right or if I'm being taken for a mug.



My thoughts on #1 are that she is either having second thoughts, not necessarily about you but online dating (I had this when I started on Tinder) which would explain her uber flakiness. On the other hand it could be that she is just chatting to multiple guys and just looking at other offers, if they fall through then she is coming back to messaging you as you're there. I know that might not be nice to read/contemplate but thats the 'benefit' of online dating for people. Even if you're just an average looking person, you can get matches and decide who to proceed with. IMO, she's doing the second. I hate to be that guy that comes in negative.

With girl #2 I'm personally of the opinion that its not a dick move. You havent met up with her yet. Don't forget that people can be so incredibly different over text that in person. It would be a dick move if you were meeting up with #2 on a regular basis but banging #1 yeah but you're not doing anything wrong at the moment.


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## BucketheadRules

TedEH said:


> Unreasonable? Maybe. But I think that's a normal sign of genuine interest maybe. Lots of guys (maybe most guys? all guys? who knows) get this weird sort of feeling of ownership over ladies they like, but don't handle it all the same way. You can't fault yourself for thinking or feeling something, but you do have complete ownership of how you respond to those things.
> 
> Also, yeh, no brainer, cut off #1.



Will do 

But yes, it's a tough one... if I did say anything I'd probably say something like "Ngl I've not really been going after other girls since we started talking, awkward as f*ck I know but I'm just curious, are you talking to anyone else atm?"

But even that makes me feel like l'd come off as controlling and insecure, so I'll probably hold my tongue even though I want to know. It amazes me how insecure I still am, even for all the work I've done to make myself better. It's got to a point where it doesn't show most of the time, I don't think, but it's definitely there under the surface and it leads me, as here, to feel jealous over girls I haven't even met in real life.

And Maybrick, yeah I agree with you on #1. I don't like being played and I wouldn't do it to someone else, so that puts me off.


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## Kwert

Maybrick said:


> My thoughts on #1 are that she is either having second thoughts, not necessarily about you but online dating (I had this when I started on Tinder) which would explain her uber flakiness. On the other hand it could be that she is just chatting to multiple guys and just looking at other offers, if they fall through then she is coming back to messaging you as you're there. I know that might not be nice to read/contemplate but thats the 'benefit' of online dating for people. Even if you're just an average looking person, you can get matches and decide who to proceed with. IMO, she's doing the second. I hate to be that guy that comes in negative.
> 
> With girl #2 I'm personally of the opinion that its not a dick move. You havent met up with her yet. Don't forget that people can be so incredibly different over text that in person. It would be a dick move if you were meeting up with #2 on a regular basis but banging #1 yeah but you're not doing anything wrong at the moment.




Unless it's been stated (or maybe heavily implied) I don't think either of you have an obligation to be exclusively seeing the other person, especially at this stage of the game. That you're not really seeing anyone else is your choice, but it doesn't really have to be hers. That's a conversation you should have at some point if you don't want to feel like you got burned, though...


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## UnderTheSign

I wouldn't ask if she's talking to anyone else, or not yet anyway. Save that stuff for when you've actually met and gotten to know eachother better. Honestly it's just not really "need to know" for you right now


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## TedEH

^ Agreed with that guy. Edit: meant to agree with the post above that one, but same sentiment I guess.

Also, entirely unrelated- I may have spoken too soon when I said


> Something something counting chickens....


Got back in contact with said person, went out to a drive in movie last night. Wasn't a trainwreck, so for me that's a win.  Currently at that stage where I'm nitpicking and exaggerating all the things I probably did wrong and getting myself all paranoid that I made bad impressions and that she probably has no interest anymore and was just being nice and... it probably went fine, there was a lot of laughing, which is good. Gatta wait a day or two maybe and next time there's some texts I can use that to try to gauge what kind of impression I made.


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## BucketheadRules

UnderTheSign said:


> I wouldn't ask if she's talking to anyone else, or not yet anyway. Save that stuff for when you've actually met and gotten to know eachother better. Honestly it's just not really "need to know" for you right now



Gotcha


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## Alberto7

So I made a post earlier this year about this chick from my karate classes who was always been touchy and close with me, but she turned out to be married, so I distanced myself. She then ended up getting a divorce in January and tried to get me to comfort her, and I was all "yeah no, gtfo, not jumping into that mess."

I've seen her a few times since then at karate classes, (she comes every so often) but she's such a busy person that we never really kept up to date with each other. I also didn't want to interfere with her healing process after the divorce.

She freed up her time a bit now, and so we went on a date-like brunch thing today. She had her friend as a backup on a table adjacent to ours, which I thought was hilarious.  She seems to have gotten over the whole divorce thing and, for the first time since I've known her, she told me that she's actually happy with her life now. She seems into me and she kept grabbing my hand super tightly and touching my arm all the time. She also reeaaally wants me to play guitar for her and write song lyrics with her.  She sings a bit, so she wants to record stuff. She also works as a film producer, so she wants to film music videos.  We'll see how that goes.  At least now I have an incentive to learn more poppy songs on the guitar. I'd also forgotten just how hot she is, f*ck. 

All this in a 40-minute date.  This chick is frenetic, but she's super nice and lovely, and so damn cute. Only drawback is that she's always super busy. She works two jobs, one of which requires her to travel from time to time, and she's a full-time student at university... doing a double major.  So if I get to see her once a month I'll be lucky.  She's also quite the overachiever, so it's not an understatement to say that I'm intimidated by her, despite her small frame. (And incredible rack. D: )

Not getting my hopes up at all, but I'll be taking this as it comes.


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## Ibanezsam4

Alberto7 said:


> Not getting my hopes up at all, but I'll be taking this as it comes.



if i were in your shoes i'd be taking that while wearing a blindfold and handcuffs


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## cwhitey2

Ibanezsam4 said:


> if i were in your shoes i'd be taking that while wearing a blindfold and handcuffs


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## Alberto7

Ibanezsam4 said:


> if i were in your shoes i'd be taking that while wearing a blindfold and handcuffs



Oh Lord  I would gladly though. 
It's just that I've been blue-balled hard before, which makes me feel like I'm delusional sometimes for believing things like these.  It's why I never raise my expectations too much anymore.


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## Ibanezsam4

Alberto7 said:


> Oh Lord  I would gladly though.
> It's just that I've been blue-balled hard before, which makes me feel like I'm delusional sometimes for believing things like these.  It's why I never raise my expectations too much anymore.



home girl was already initiating physical contact  you're already in the zone if you want to start taking things physical... if you guys ever get time together that is


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## MFB

MFB said:


> Out of curiosity I checked out a friends' page whom I've lost contact with (haven't spoke since mid-March) and it looks like she split with her boyfriend - which isn't surprising honestly.
> 
> The ....ty part of me however sees that and always thinks back to the day I almost told her how I felt, and then says, "HEY WE SHOULD GO DO THAT" and it's like, no. Just no, brain. That's not how this works, and not how it will ever work.
> 
> Should've stayed away bruhs, I dun goofed.



Welp, she got in touch with me today because of my birthday, and we'll probably do our usual run-around of "Can we hang out?" and I'll say "Sure," and absolutely nothing will come of it.

Good to know my once-every-six-months-text is on schedule.


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## russmuller

Will this saga ever end?!

So after my last post, things were quiet for about a week. I've been mostly a depressed blob between all this relationship drama and fighting burnout at work, but I've got some time off next month that I'm hoping will put some wind back in my sails.

Apparently things didn't work out with the latest guy she started seeing, so she started texting me again looking for answers and wanting to have a friendship. I didn't want to see her (because I knew what that would lead to), but it was a relief to talk to her. It only lasted 2 or 3 days of meme sharing and chat before things went (predictably) back to hell. She kept inviting me to open up to her and share my feelings. Since I was drunk at the time, I made the mistake of opening up about how difficult this experience has been, and all the emotional confusion I'm going through in the wake of it.

Long story short, this is all just her wanting to get back together with me, and me talking to her at all is feeding her hope. She told me to quit #@$%ing with her heart and that I need to just make up my mind and stick to a decision. So I apologized for the hurt I caused, told her not to contact me for any reason, and blocked her number.

I wake up this morning to 20 Facebook messages from her old profile under a pseudonym (because I had previously blocked her regular profile). Not only did I have a long string of sad and pathetic messages about wanting to get back together, she told me to check my patio. While I was sleeping, she had shown up and left me a package with a scented candle, a big bag of my favorite candy, a bottle of Jameson, and a sappy card.

I held firm and sent her another message that anything between us is unhealthy and doomed, that we're toxic for one another, and that I need her to respect my decision. Then I blocked her old profile so that she can't reply.

Good lord... I hope this is the end of the story.


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## flint757

She's cuckoo. Assuming you never had any real confirmation she was actually seeing someone, I think she was just screwing with you and trying to get under your skin. She's bordering on stalker level crazy at this point IMO. Hopefully her interest dies down and she moves on otherwise your life is going to continue to be...interesting.


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## Ibanezsam4

please say you kept the Jameson?


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## russmuller

Ibanezsam4 said:


> please say you kept the Jameson?



I'm drinking it right now.


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## russmuller

flint757 said:


> She's cuckoo. Assuming you never had any real confirmation she was actually seeing someone, I think she was just screwing with you and trying to get under your skin. She's bordering on stalker level crazy at this point IMO. Hopefully her interest dies down and she moves on otherwise your life is going to continue to be...interesting.



Knowing her, I actually don't doubt her exploits with other guys. And I honestly don't think she'd have been strong enough to remain out of contact as long as she did unless she had someone else to project her emotions onto.

She's DEFINITELY crazy and bordering on stalker. It was a pretty sweet bundle she left me, so I kept it (because I don't want to see her to return it, and it'd be a waste to put it in the trash). I think that she honestly felt that if she pulled at my heart strings and made me an offering that I'd let my guard down again (which is a pattern I've shown). But since I've held firm, I think she'll stay away.

A close friend of hers reached out to me for unrelated reasons, and I told her to reach out to my ex because she's going through a difficult time. So I feel better knowing that someone close to her will be there for her (because I worry about her turning suicidal).

I'm resolved that if she shows up at my apartment uninvited again, I'll file for a restraining order. I doubt it'll come to that, and I really don't want to go through the red tape, but it's the only reasonable thing to do (that I can think of, if anyone has better ideas, please tell me).


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## Alberto7

^ ... that's rough man. I share flint's sentiments on this. She's nutty and, despite the fact that you have a strong emotional attachment to her, she should be treated as such. By this I mean keeping in mind at all times, even the hardest times, that it'll be nothing but detrimental to you, and that you don't owe her anything. You shouldn't be catering to her feelings anymore. Good thing you already know this though, and I'm glad you're also doing it pretty well, despite the fact that it is hard. You're a trooper and you're soldiering through it. If they gave out medals for this kind of stuff, you'd definitely have at least a couple by the end of it. Not sure what to say about the restraining order, although that sounds reasonable to me if she keeps trespassing onto your property.



Ibanezsam4 said:


> home girl was already initiating physical contact  you're already in the zone if you want to start taking things physical... if you guys ever get time together that is



 Yeah... I have a feeling she needs an emotional crutch and she's trying to get me to be it. She messaged me tonight saying she felt bad. I asked her if she was sick, and she replied that she felt bad because she was sad. I asked why, and she said she feels lonely despite her life turning around nicely and finally fulfilling her dreams, and that every time she thinks about the sh*t her ex-husband said to her she hurts badly. She also said she's unsure if she wants to completely open herself up to me. I need to tread carefully here, because this girl's got enough baggage to fill figurative truckloads full of it. 

Knowing that, I really do not want a relationship. I am not emotionally invested in her, so I wouldn't mind simply supporting her as a friend. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind if she just wants to unwind and just get physical to get her mind off of things, (because who am I lying to, I would gladly f*ck her brains out) but I'd need to be completely sure that that's all she wanted; I do not have the heart to take advantage of her emotional state for my own personal satisfaction.


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## AliceLG

Hey guys, I broke up with my girlfriend. It wasn't working for me anymore for diverse reasons. The thing is, I met someone else in the most unexpected way and we got hooked on each other so fast and naturally that it just feels right. The thing is, she lives in Spain. It's a manageable distance from Germany, and with enough disposable income we could manage to see each other every 3 weeks or so.

So I guess my question is: anyone with experience in a successful long-distance relationships? any tips?


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## Ibanezsam4

Alberto7 said:


> Knowing that, I really do not want a relationship. I am not emotionally invested in her, so I wouldn't mind simply supporting her as a friend. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind if she just wants to unwind and just get physical to get her mind off of things, (because who am I lying to, I would gladly f*ck her brains out) but I'd need to be completely sure that that's all she wanted; I do not have the heart to take advantage of her emotional state for my own personal satisfaction.



yeah that's a tricky situation if you want to punch the ticket on the bone train. the emotional crutch crap is a turn off for me personally. at least she ins't using sex as bait. 

unless she blatantly comes out and says you guys should hook up that's a hazardous minefield to waltz through



AliceLG said:


> Hey guys, I broke up with my girlfriend. It wasn't working for me anymore for diverse reasons. The thing is, I met someone else in the most unexpected way and we got hooked on each other so fast and naturally that it just feels right. The thing is, she lives in Spain. It's a manageable distance from Germany, and with enough disposable income we could manage to see each other every 3 weeks or so.
> 
> So I guess my question is: anyone with experience in a successful long-distance relationships? any tips?



my wife and i were long distance for a little while at the start of our relationship. same thing, got hooked on each other and then didn't want to give it up when she moved back home. thing is, we were crazy and decided to visit pretty regularly and that was a drain on my budget. 

long distance worked for us because we were committed to making a 4 hour drive to see one another every other week. there are more "reasonable" ways of dealing with distance but i didn't want to consider them because i wanted to see her constantly. she moved to me eventually and we got engaged within a year. 

in my eyes distance isn't worth it unless you're willing to go the distance


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## High Plains Drifter

Best of luck, AliceLG. I hope that things work out for the both of you.


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## AliceLG

Ibanezsam4 said:


> my wife and i were long distance for a little while at the start of our relationship. same thing, got hooked on each other and then didn't want to give it up when she moved back home. thing is, we were crazy and decided to visit pretty regularly and that was a drain on my budget.
> 
> long distance worked for us because we were committed to making a 4 hour drive to see one another every other week. there are more "reasonable" ways of dealing with distance but i didn't want to consider them because i wanted to see her constantly. she moved to me eventually and we got engaged within a year.
> 
> in my eyes distance isn't worth it unless you're willing to go the distance



LIKE!


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## Alberto7

^^^ What Ibanezsam said. I've seen way too many of my close and not-so-close friends crash their long distance relationships because of a lack of physical presence. Enough so that I don't even consider it for myself. I've been in a couple myself and that didn't end well, but both were during my teens, so I don't really think they deserve more than a mere mention here. I HAVE seen, however, two of my closest friends blow over $10,000 of life savings over the course of 3 years on someone who was on the other side of the continent, only to end up steadily and progressively more unhappy and eventually break up with emotionally damaging consequences.

If you're gonna do it, be committed to the traveling and to remaining an actual presence in her life one way or another, and make sure it's worth the hassle and the risk. The same goes for her, and you gotta make sure she understands that.


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## Señor Voorhees

Don't get involved in long distance without thinking about bringing the distance to an end. Germany to Spain is a pretty decent distance, though not the worst. My fiance lived in California, which is just about as far away as you can get from RI without leaving the country. Every few months, I'd fly out to see her, which sucked huge quantities of ass. The cheap/affordable flights had 3 connections and took about 12 hours. We went a year with long distance, and it was emotionally draining. It didn't take too terribly long for us to start questioning who was going to move closer, and how it was going to work. 

My advice is to see if you legitimately like spending time with her. You need to wear out the honeymoon phase to get a good idea. Try to come to terms with if you can see yourself spending all your time with her, and her with you, and then talk about closing the gap in some way. I'm personally not someone who requires a ton of physical interaction, and long distance wore out on me pretty quick. It's mentally taxing in the long run. Make sure it's something you really want, and stick to it if it is. If it's not, it's best advised to cut it off as soon as possible. We've been together for just over nine years now, she moved over here (though I was absolutely ready to move over there if it would have been easier), and I definitely don't regret putting in the time and effort it took to remain sane.


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## MFB

Señor Voorhees;4633238 said:


> Don't get involved in long distance without thinking about bringing the distance to an end. Germany to Spain is a pretty decent distance, though not the worst. My fiance lived in California, which is just about as far away as you can get from RI without leaving the country. Every few months, I'd fly out to see her, which sucked huge quantities of ass. The cheap/affordable flights had 3 connections and took about 12 hours. We went a year with long distance, and it was emotionally draining. It didn't take too terribly long for us to start questioning who was going to move closer, and how it was going to work.



12 hrs? God damn, I took a red-eye flight home from Cali to MA and it was probably the best flight I've ever had. Cabbie didn't say a peep, dude had classical at just the right volume level on the way to the airport, then boarded, got situated and fell asleep pretty quick and when I woke up - there was Logan airport 

If I had this advice sooner I would've dealt it out in a heartbeat


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## Señor Voorhees

I was super cheap/poor so I couldn't make it to Boston, which would have made things INFINITELY more easy. I would depart from PVD, go to IAD/ORD/Something similar, then from there it would be to Denver/LAX/San Fran, then off to Bakersfield. (the toilet bowl of California where she lived. Says a lot about how much I love her that I was willing to move into the heart of oildale for her. lol) I'd always make sure there was over an hour between connections, and sometimes it was impossible to not have a 2 or 3 hour layover. One trip had a 3 hour layover that turned into a 6 hour layover in new york. Could have walked home quicker than that. lol

It was pretty brutal, and the return flights were always a thousand times worse because I had work to look forward to, crippling depression from leaving my fiance behind, and 3-4 more months of no physical contact.

So yeah, I wouldn't recommend making that .... long term if you value your mental health. Not sure where in Spain she is, or where in Germany he is, but it shouldn't be nearly as rough for them, but it's still enough distance. I've seen people piss and moan about a 3-4 hour drive as long distance. I'd have killed for a 3-4 hour drive.


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## Ibanezsam4

4-5 hours is was probably the limit for me. but it helped that we would alternate who visited. 

But like Voorhees said, there needs to be an end game; distance isn't sustainable without a goal both partners can work towards


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## Alberto7

Alberto7 said:


> Yeah... I have a feeling she needs an emotional crutch and she's trying to get me to be it. She messaged me tonight saying she felt bad. I asked her if she was sick, and she replied that she felt bad because she was sad. I asked why, and she said she feels lonely despite her life turning around nicely and finally fulfilling her dreams, and that every time she thinks about the sh*t her ex-husband said to her she hurts badly. She also said she's unsure if she wants to completely open herself up to me. I need to tread carefully here, because this girl's got enough baggage to fill figurative truckloads full of it.
> 
> Knowing that, I really do not want a relationship. I am not emotionally invested in her, so I wouldn't mind simply supporting her as a friend. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind if she just wants to unwind and just get physical to get her mind off of things, (because who am I lying to, I would gladly f*ck her brains out) but I'd need to be completely sure that that's all she wanted; I do not have the heart to take advantage of her emotional state for my own personal satisfaction.

















Like, this is the kind of sh*t we used to do in high school, not at 26. I don't really get what she's trying to do here. I am sure there are much better ways of handling her situation. Why ask me of all people? I'm gonna ask her straight up what the hell is going on and, if necessary, tell her about what my intentions have been all along. I'm happy to stay karate buddies and/or even friends if she doesn't want anything more with me, but I feel like an idiot doing "favors" like this one.

Of course, I do want advice. Kinda why I posted this in the first place.


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## blacai

Alberto7 said:


> Like, this is the kind of sh*t we used to do in high school, not at 26. I don't really get what she's trying to do here. I am sure there are much better ways of handling her situation. Why ask me of all people? I'm gonna ask her straight up what the hell is going on and, if necessary, tell her about what my intentions have been all along. I'm happy to stay karate buddies and/or even friends if she doesn't want anything more with me, but I feel like an idiot doing "favors" like this one.
> 
> Of course, I do want advice. Kinda why I posted this in the first place.



Fake sex still counts.


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## Alberto7

^  If everybody believes me then it must be true!


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## Force

Run away Alberto, run.....far.....away, don't stop, don't look back, just run......the f$%k........away


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## Force

I never thought I'd be posting anything in here except useless crap, as per my previous comment, but I'm facing a bit of a dilemma atm.

I have a friend over from the states, she's separated from her husband (divorcing) & has 4 kids whom are currently still in the states. She is originally from here (Oz) & is planning on moving back permanently. She'll be here for another three months this time round.

Anyway, I'm 99% sure her plan is to end up in a relationship with me, she's already suggested we sleep together but I don't wanna go there. She's a great person & all but apart from not wanting a relationship like that with anyone, there's just too much other crap for it to work for me.

I just wanna stay friends but haven't had the balls to discuss it with her, I guess basically I selfishly don't want to be a prick & tell her how it is, I'm not interested, I just don't like hurting people. 

The obvious answer is just to talk to her, find out for sure what's on her mind & go from there but I'm gonna ask the moron question.......what would any of you guys do?

P.S. Comment anything other than 'bang her', that ain't happening.


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## flint757

Sounds like you already know what you need to do, ask her what she wants and expects and tell her exactly where you stand. I'd suggest seeing what she is looking for before saying you're not interested though, as she may not be looking for that anyhow. A frank discussion is your only avenue especially if it will have any significant impact on her plans. Not telling her if any of her motives have anything to do with you would be equally or more harmful than just being straight up.


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## Maybrick

Force said:


> I never thought I'd be posting anything in here except useless crap, as per my previous comment, but I'm facing a bit of a dilemma atm.
> 
> I have a friend over from the states, she's separated from her husband (divorcing) & has 4 kids whom are currently still in the states. She is originally from here (Oz) & is planning on moving back permanently. She'll be here for another three months this time round.
> 
> Anyway, I'm 99% sure her plan is to end up in a relationship with me, she's already suggested we sleep together but I don't wanna go there. She's a great person & all but apart from not wanting a relationship like that with anyone, there's just too much other crap for it to work for me.
> 
> I just wanna stay friends but haven't had the balls to discuss it with her, I guess basically I selfishly don't want to be a prick & tell her how it is, I'm not interested, I just don't like hurting people.
> 
> The obvious answer is just to talk to her, find out for sure what's on her mind & go from there but I'm gonna ask the moron question.......what would any of you guys do?
> 
> P.S. Comment anything other than 'bang her', that ain't happening.



Can only echo what flint is saying. Dont dance around the subject and try to 'let her down lightly' by coming out with a long winded way of saying it.

Just ask her what she wants long term, if she evades it or says "Im not sure, what about you?" then tell her you're concerned she wants to start a relationship with you and its not something you feel comfortable with.

Also, I've never actually heard anything good coming from banging a recently divorced woman or woman going through the process of being divorced. Not to generalize too much but one or two friend who've made the mistake said they were bat.... crazy after they banged them and regretted it.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Alberto7 said:


> Like, this is the kind of sh*t we used to do in high school, not at 26. I don't really get what she's trying to do here. I am sure there are much better ways of handling her situation. Why ask me of all people? I'm gonna ask her straight up what the hell is going on and, if necessary, tell her about what my intentions have been all along. I'm happy to stay karate buddies and/or even friends if she doesn't want anything more with me, but I feel like an idiot doing "favors" like this one.
> 
> Of course, I do want advice. Kinda why I posted this in the first place.



okay... so you're not the only person she's been getting cozy with post-divorce. 

she likes the attention she gets (who wouldn't?) but she's over this random guy to some degree, but doesn't want to be harsh because he's a fallback in case whatever is happening with you and others doesn't pan out. basically this mystery man is a chump. 

so if you act like a boyfriend he gets his feelings hurt, but not because she was mean to him directly.. see what i'm getting at? 

so you have two courses of action: 

1) back away slowly, become less available and avoid the drama and mild amount of crazy that will inevitability follow. 

2) take her up on her offer but tell her "i don't c**k block for free." this will basically get you some consistently until she is over you or vice versa. and then you do step one anyways. 

basically do step one unless you unless getting with this chick is a can't miss opportunity... which judging by your online persona, you're too good of a dude to have this mentality.


----------



## AliceLG

Alberto7 said:


> ^^^ What Ibanezsam said. I've seen way too many of my close and not-so-close friends crash their long distance relationships because of a lack of physical presence. Enough so that I don't even consider it for myself. I've been in a couple myself and that didn't end well, but both were during my teens, so I don't really think they deserve more than a mere mention here. I HAVE seen, however, two of my closest friends blow over $10,000 of life savings over the course of 3 years on someone who was on the other side of the continent, only to end up steadily and progressively more unhappy and eventually break up with emotionally damaging consequences.
> 
> If you're gonna do it, be committed to the traveling and to remaining an actual presence in her life one way or another, and make sure it's worth the hassle and the risk. The same goes for her, and you gotta make sure she understands that.





Señor Voorhees;4633238 said:


> Don't get involved in long distance without thinking about bringing the distance to an end. Germany to Spain is a pretty decent distance, though not the worst. My fiance lived in California, which is just about as far away as you can get from RI without leaving the country. Every few months, I'd fly out to see her, which sucked huge quantities of ass. The cheap/affordable flights had 3 connections and took about 12 hours. We went a year with long distance, and it was emotionally draining. It didn't take too terribly long for us to start questioning who was going to move closer, and how it was going to work.
> 
> My advice is to see if you legitimately like spending time with her. You need to wear out the honeymoon phase to get a good idea. Try to come to terms with if you can see yourself spending all your time with her, and her with you, and then talk about closing the gap in some way. I'm personally not someone who requires a ton of physical interaction, and long distance wore out on me pretty quick. It's mentally taxing in the long run. Make sure it's something you really want, and stick to it if it is. If it's not, it's best advised to cut it off as soon as possible. We've been together for just over nine years now, she moved over here (though I was absolutely ready to move over there if it would have been easier), and I definitely don't regret putting in the time and effort it took to remain sane.



I hear you both dudes. Pretty solid advice.

We're both very infatuated with each other, enough to consider giving it a shot long-distance for a time. But the endgame is very clear on both of us, we're both on the same page: as we get more and more serious about each other and about being together, someone (or both of us) will have to move to wherever the other is living. LDR is a temporary solution due to the circumstances. I'm flying over next weekend and we're super excited about it. As long as that feeling is there we'll be good.


----------



## Alberto7

Ibanezsam4 said:


> okay... so you're not the only person she's been getting cozy with post-divorce.
> 
> she likes the attention she gets (who wouldn't?) but she's over this random guy to some degree, but doesn't want to be harsh because he's a fallback in case whatever is happening with you and others doesn't pan out. basically this mystery man is a chump.
> 
> so if you act like a boyfriend he gets his feelings hurt, but not because she was mean to him directly.. see what i'm getting at?
> 
> so you have two courses of action:
> 
> 1) back away slowly, become less available and avoid the drama and mild amount of crazy that will inevitability follow.
> 
> 2) take her up on her offer but tell her "i don't c**k block for free." this will basically get you some consistently until she is over you or vice versa. and then you do step one anyways.
> 
> basically do step one unless you unless getting with this chick is a can't miss opportunity... which judging by your online persona, you're too good of a dude to have this mentality.



I don't know if I'm too good of a dude for that, but I definitely don't want to deal with any drama, thus why I want to clear things out before I do anything.

She messaged me yesterday morning apologizing for having asked me that and that she should never have done so. She was worried I'd think she was a "freak." Then she immediately switched topics to talking about a song she wants me to learn on the guitar so she can sing along. I haven't properly messaged her back yet. (I just acknowledged that I read what she said, but didn't offer any comment... I was out with friends when I read the message.)

I'm writing back now and I'm just gonna tell her what my intentions were to begin with, making sure to tell her that if she doesn't want anything, I don't mind keeping the same kind of friendship we had before she began acting all weird. She can do with that information as she pleases.

I'm just tired of beating around the bush and wasting my time on sh*t like this, especially on someone that I have no particular emotional attachment to. I'm just doing it because she can actually be really sweet and fun, and because I find her very attractive, so I thought there was potential for something fun.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Alberto7 said:


> I'm just tired of beating around the bush and wasting my time on sh*t like this, especially on someone that I have no particular emotional attachment to. I'm just doing it because she can actually be really sweet and fun, and because I find her very attractive, so I thought there was potential for something fun.



right on dude


----------



## Alberto7

^ So I told her I wouldn't have taken part in her little fake boyfriend scenario, and I told her why it felt morally wrong of me to do that.

I also told her that the other reason I felt weird doing that was because I thought that, since we worked well together and I thought she was showing interest in me, I would ask her out at some point, so I had no interest in playing a fake boyfriend if there was a chance of playing the real one, assuming things worked out. I also told her that, until that moment, we could keep our friendship going at the same pace as before. And, even if she said no, I wasn't emotionally attached to the point where I couldn't keep up a friendship.

She took a couple of days to reply, but she basically said that she feels comfortable and safe around me and that she wants to "maintain the friendship for now," but that she wouldn't be surprised if anything "special" happened between us in the future.

Not exactly sure what to make of that, so I'm just gonna keep playing it by ear and gonna keep doing my thing here and there without minding this much, lest it goes south and I end up disappointed.


TL;DR: I said I wanted to ask her out at some point and she said "maybe later." 
TTLL;DDRR: I can taste the infamous friendzone.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Alberto7 said:


> ^ So I told her I wouldn't have taken part in her little fake boyfriend scenario, and I told her why it felt morally wrong of me to do that.
> 
> I also told her that the other reason I felt weird doing that was because I thought that, since we worked well together and I thought she was showing interest in me, I would ask her out at some point, so I had no interest in playing a fake boyfriend if there was a chance of playing the real one, assuming things worked out. I also told her that, until that moment, we could keep our friendship going at the same pace as before. And, even if she said no, I wasn't emotionally attached to the point where I couldn't keep up a friendship.
> 
> She took a couple of days to reply, but she basically said that she feels comfortable and safe around me and that she wants to "maintain the friendship for now," but that she wouldn't be surprised if anything "special" happened between us in the future.
> 
> Not exactly sure what to make of that, so I'm just gonna keep playing it by ear and gonna keep doing my thing here and there without minding this much, lest it goes south and I end up disappointed.
> 
> 
> TL;DR: I said I wanted to ask her out at some point and she said "maybe later."
> TTLL;DDRR: I can taste the infamous friendzone.



consider yourself friendzoned. the "maybe later" part is her way of dangling a carrot. 

only thing that would ever make her come around is jealousy. in which case just go do your own thing and pursue happiness


----------



## Alberto7

The more I think about it, the more I'm sure that's what it is. "Dangling a carrot" is the exact metaphor that I wanted to say before but couldn't quite find.

Oh well, it's not like I wasn't happy as I was before this happened anyway, nor was I desperate in any way, so I don't mind going back to that.


----------



## ThePIGI King

So my relationship has ended, which sucks. Hours before she left me she was in my car, kissed me, told me she loved me. Then she went to sleep, woke up, decided she would be happier without me. She cried as she broke up with me, and said it hurt her so much, but that it'd make both our lives better. I try not to think about it, really, as it doesn't make sense. EDIT: This all happened a week and a half ago, I waited till I was fully good with the situation before I posted. I didn't want to say anything mean towards her 

My problem is, I dream of her often. I do whatever (even homework) to keep my mind from remembering her, so it's not like I think of her often. I just happen to dream of her often. Also, even if I think that I might see her, I get really worked up, I can feel my heart beating, and my chest tightens. Is this normal? She's really the only girlfriend I've ever had (I'm 18), and she was very important to me. All this is new for me, really. I'm just checking to see if it's all normal.

I've moved on for the most part, realized that if she can just wake up and leave me, it wasn't meant to be. I'm real bad with the women's though  Where I live, there's not a lot of people, and I'm done with high schoolers, all of them are relationship-immature. Any advice on how to talk to the ladies for an 18 year old that's been sheltered from girls?


----------



## Alberto7

ThePIGI King said:


> So my relationship has ended, which sucks. Hours before she left me she was in my car, kissed me, told me she loved me. Then she went to sleep, woke up, decided she would be happier without me. She cried as she broke up with me, and said it hurt her so much, but that it'd make both our lives better. I try not to think about it, really, as it doesn't make sense. EDIT: This all happened a week and a half ago, I waited till I was fully good with the situation before I posted. I didn't want to say anything mean towards her
> 
> My problem is, I dream of her often. I do whatever (even homework) to keep my mind from remembering her, so it's not like I think of her often. I just happen to dream of her often. Also, even if I think that I might see her, I get really worked up, I can feel my heart beating, and my chest tightens. Is this normal? She's really the only girlfriend I've ever had (I'm 18), and she was very important to me. All this is new for me, really. I'm just checking to see if it's all normal.
> 
> I've moved on for the most part, realized that if she can just wake up and leave me, it wasn't meant to be. I'm real bad with the women's though  Where I live, there's not a lot of people, and I'm done with high schoolers, all of them are relationship-immature. Any advice on how to talk to the ladies for an 18 year old that's been sheltered from girls?



It's all normal, don't worry. Every time there's even the slightest possibility of running my old roommate (whom I was head over heels for and we have some weird history together) - heck, even just thinking about it - I feel my chest tighten up so much I could crumble, my legs become noodles, I run out of breath, and my anxiety gets way over the top... and it has been almost exactly a year since the last time I saw her. But f*ck it, I do what I wanna do anyway even if it means I have to see her, because I'm not gonna let stuff like that stop me from being happy. So yeah, I think it's normal.

As for advice on how to talk to girls... eh, I'm not the best at that. Just don't be intimidated by girls you think are pretty (I know I suffer from that syndrome, but it gets better and better with practice), and be yourself while being courteous. No point in going out with someone you have to put on a mask for.


----------



## Asrial

^If you consider talking to girls any different than talking to guys, you're doing yourself a disservice. It's a person, just like you!
But yeah, breakups sucks. It'll suck more, then it'll suck less; just remember to keep your mind focused, and maybe treat yourself with a nice thing to keep yourself occupied.


----------



## JeffFromMtl

You guys know when you meet someone and within the first seconds, know you'll only feel one way about them? That happened to me in my third week in this country. I met her once, we had a few glasses of wine together and talked about music, photography and tattoos (she's a tattoo artist). The next time we spoke, she told me she was going to help a friend open a tattoo shop in Beijing and didn't know when she would be coming back. We didn't speak much while she was in Beijing, but kept in touch with a message or two, exchanging music or photos once every couple of weeks. Today, she told me that she'd see me next week


----------



## Bodes

I've just started a new relationship with a girl from work. (don't $h1t where you eat. I know, I know) How the hell do you stay friends at work, partners away from work?

I haven't been trying to avoid her, but she asked me if I had. Maybe our times in the office don't match up too well, and she is only now noticing it since we hooked up??? I know I am not trying to make unnecessary eye contact as I seem to turn into a giddy little teenager (that's good, right?). Plus we would like to keep it quiet to see where it goes before saying anything to people at work. We'd hate to figure out it wont work and here "oh, what happened?" etc from the office chatter-boxes.

Plus any non-vegetarians dating a vegetarian? or vise-versa? Any advice here? I'm the non-vego.
We've been out on a few dates, which means you don't really have to think about it as there is always stuff for both sides.


----------



## Alberto7

Asrial said:


> ^If you consider talking to girls any different than talking to guys, you're doing yourself a disservice. It's a person, just like you!



This is absolutely what I meant.



Bodes said:


> I've just started a new relationship with a girl from work. (don't $h1t where you eat. I know, I know) How the hell do you stay friends at work, partners away from work?
> 
> I haven't been trying to avoid her, but she asked me if I had. Maybe our times in the office don't match up too well, and she is only now noticing it since we hooked up??? I know I am not trying to make unnecessary eye contact as I seem to turn into a giddy little teenager (that's good, right?). Plus we would like to keep it quiet to see where it goes before saying anything to people at work. We'd hate to figure out it wont work and here "oh, what happened?" etc from the office chatter-boxes.



Just tell her you don't want it made known to other people at work and that there are certain things you won't be able to do at work.



Bodes said:


> Plus any non-vegetarians dating a vegetarian? or vise-versa? Any advice here? I'm the non-vego.
> We've been out on a few dates, which means you don't really have to think about it as there is always stuff for both sides.



Best thing would be to learn her reasons for being a vegetarian and see if you can either agree with or respect those reasons. Most vegetarians I know are very chilled out and honestly barely even talk about it. Hell, I did the whole vegetarian thing for a few months and I didn't think it was a big deal... until I began training 12 hours a week, at which point I found out that I needed to change my diet to a more expensive and time-consuming one, which I didn't want to do, so I went back to eating meats. (Much less than before, but I still eat meat about 3 times a week.)

This statement might get me some flack, but, in my experience, it's veganism you have to tread more carefully around. It's usually more political/ideological than health-concerned, and it tends to appeal to people with much stronger views and opinions. But the same rule applies: learn about their reasons for being what they are and see if you can agree with or respect those reasons, and see to what degree they accept your decision of not being what they are.


----------



## russmuller

Bodes said:


> Plus any non-vegetarians dating a vegetarian? or vise-versa? Any advice here? I'm the non-vego.
> We've been out on a few dates, which means you don't really have to think about it as there is always stuff for both sides.



I dated a vegetarian for 5 1/2 years, living together for more than half of that. My ex was less of a vegetarian and more of a non-meat-etarian, so cheese and carbs were primary food sources. Sadly she had no culinary skills beyond making crockpot chili and pizza rolls, so I did pretty much all of the cooking.

My ex was somewhat fond of fake meat, so I made a lot of dishes in pairs: 1 with real meat, and 1 with fake. This also meant dirtying (and cleaning) twice the amount of cookware as she wouldn't tolerate meaty juices and residues in her food. It made timing our meals to cook so they finish at the same time a bit of a challenge.

Not everyone is the same about their dietary choices (or the reasons why), but you'll likely have to get used to checking labels on things you'd assume have no meat for ingredients (for things like chicken stock, etc...) that might not align with her diet. It's a good idea to understand specifically what she will and won't eat, as well as why.

The biggest pain was bringing her to family functions where she was the only vegetarian. Often times she'd bring her own food because everything either had meat or animal products she wouldn't eat, or she just didn't trust the people cooking to check the ingredients for her deal-breakers.


----------



## ThePIGI King

So today, I was having a really good day. Work was going well (which is unusual as of late), and even though the day had a rough start, I was smiling and enjoying my existence.

Few hours later, I was joking around at work about some coworkers that used to work there, talking about how I missed a pretty young gal that was fun to talk to, and a coworker, who happens to be my ex's lab partner at their highschool said "Your ex and I talked about you in school today. But I can't tell you because you'll be hurt because she was saying mean things"...

Who says that? For real? Why not just, you know...not say that to me? So then, my ex's lab partner/friend tells a manager of mine who is kinda close with me what my ex said. My manager told my ex's friend that she needs to tell me, because it will give me "closure", for lack of better words. My ex's friend refused, so my manager said "She said that she left you because she didn't care about you as much as you did her".

That reason is 100% different than the reason I was given by my ex, both face to face, and over the phone. My ex was crying when she left me, saying she was so sorry and that I meant a lot but it needed to happen. Now I'm hearing this? My ex lied? That badly? Again?

I don't know whether to believe my ex's friend or not. My manager said that my ex's friend is making this up to try and hurt me, for whatever reasons she may have. But I just don't know. The way my relationship ended made zero sense, so the fact that this makes zero sense kind of makes me think it could be true. I know I shouldn't have, but I texted my ex asking her if she really said that. It's kinda unhealthy for me to talk to my ex, because I'm a rather upbeat, energetic, fun person, and thinking of her brings me way down real fast...But I'm currently waiting her response, even though it could never come, or she could lie either direction...so I guess I'll never know the truth?

Doesn't help that I dream of her every night. Not good dreams either. And I wake up physically and emotionally upset because of them. And my coworker isn't helping any. This just sucks, and I wish that my relationship with this girl didn't end real bad and strange. It feels like I'll never get over it. Thanks, all of you, for being an outlet and for your advice and comfort. Much appreciated. You guys rule


----------



## ATOMICxTomato

Don't post too much here but I have a question for you guys, Would you ever date an ex of a close friend?

So story goes I've been knowing my friend since the 5th grade, and is arguably one of my best friends, even tho we don't hang out as often anymore after graduation in 2012. So like 3 years ago he helped get me a job at Target, which I'm currently still at, but he is not here anymore. So he was dating this chick while he was still there, but he had told me he just really wanted to mess around with her. Shortly after he quit Target they broke up, and me and her started talking more and more as friends. Fast forward to current date we text daily-ish, and I am some what attracted to her. We have hung out outside of work a bit but not much.I feel wrong and feel like im disrespecting my friend if I decided to try and actually get with her, but i've been thinking about it more and more lately.

So earlier in the week she asked if I was doing anything this weekend, or just working, and I told her I might be going to a wedding but wasn't sure because I didn't want to go on my own. The wedding is for a friend of mine but its mostly family, and he invited me last minute. So when I told her that, she said that she would want to go if I did. So I said screw it and now tomorrow we are going to the wedding lol.

Ive been wanting to ask my friend, her ex, if it would be ok, but I just feel wrong in doing so. Now if it turns out she just wants to be friends, Im ok with that, I just don't want to proceed without him knowing.

So basically would you ever date, or have dated a close friends ex, if so how was it? Any advice?


----------



## AliceLG

Hi there! I posted a couple of weeks ago about starting a long-distance relationship with this amazing woman I met while on holidays. Today I fly to Madrid to spend the weekend with her and I'm all giddy and nervous, the teenage girl inside me is freaking out  The close friends that know about it, and my sister, keep telling me to be cool and just go with the flow and enjoy it, but I can't, I'm crazy about this woman. Anyway, I really hope that we get an amazing weekend together. I can't hardly wait to see her. Just 8 more hours and I'll be on my way.



ATOMICxTomato said:


> So basically would you ever date, or have dated a close friends ex, if so how was it? Any advice?



I kinda stole my best friend's girlfriend in college. That was awkward as hell, and it took years to get some of those friendships back after alienating everyone. First off, be sure you really want to date her. And tell him about your intentions. Not to get his blessing or anything like that, but it's better if he gets it from you directly.


----------



## ATOMICxTomato

AliceLG said:


> I kinda stole my best friend's girlfriend in college. That was awkward as hell, and it took years to get some of those friendships back after alienating everyone. First off, be sure you really want to date her. And tell him about your intentions. Not to get his blessing or anything like that, but it's better if he gets it from you directly.



Yea that was the route I was gonna go if I did intend to move forward. Dating someone at work is something im usually not to up for but we will see how this goes lol. To make things more akward I directly work with her younger brother lol. But I suppose ima just see how tonight goes and proceed from there, I originally wanted to invite her but was hesitant, when she offered to go I just thought hell yea why not lol.


----------



## RevelGTR

Personally I don't feel like it's any of your friends business, and I would not care even slightly what he thought about the matter.


----------



## BucketheadRules

WSchaferJR said:


> Personally I don't feel like it's any of your friends business, and I would not care even slightly what he thought about the matter.



Agreed.

It was a while ago and he was never seriously into her. I doubt he'd mind, and even if he did, it's not as if you've "stolen" her from him.


----------



## ATOMICxTomato

Thanks for the input guys. Just got back from the wedding. Showed up a tad bit late since I was waiting for her to get off but it was blast. She said she had a good time aswell so that's a plus. I understand what you guys mean by saying that it wouldn't really be any of their business since I'm really technically not taking "his girl", but to me it just feels odd. Can't pin point exactly why but it does. He have briefly spoked about in the past, and I know he really wouldn't have a problem with it.


----------



## Asrial

This is kind of surrealistic. 2 months ago, my girlfriend and I were still in the talking stage of moving in together, which had been "a topic" for the past year and a half. 3 weeks ago, we took a small trip to Brussels on a sightseeing vacation, where we made up our minds. We signed up through our housing administration for a small house the 2nd of september, and just got a note saying we're first in line for housing of that type.

This is moving really really fast all of a sudden! o_o


----------



## Ibanezsam4

ATOMICxTomato said:


> Showed up a tad bit late since I was waiting for her to get off



no worries bro, this is completely understandable in a new relationship. it can take some time before your bodies sync up and then it's pretty much a Boyz 2 Men song.

oh wait, did you mean off of work?... ok we'll try it again. 

no worries bro, this is completely understandable in a new relationship. it can take some time before your work schedules sync up and then it's pretty much a Rihanna song.

*mic drop*


----------



## russmuller

Been talking to a new girl, which has at least helped me regain some optimism about my dating prospects... except that she's a park ranger in Utah so that's an obstacle. Regardless, I'm interested to get to know her. I'm going slow this time. Not immediately jumping into feelings or overtly sexualized conversation, and thus far I really enjoy talking with her. I'm planning to drive way up to Nor. Cal. next month, so if things are looking good I might be tempted to add a few hours onto my drive and swing through Utah on my way to meet up.


----------



## ATOMICxTomato

Ibanezsam4 said:


> no worries bro, this is completely understandable in a new relationship. it can take some time before your bodies sync up and then it's pretty much a Boyz 2 Men song.
> 
> oh wait, did you mean off of work?... ok we'll try it again.
> 
> no worries bro, this is completely understandable in a new relationship. it can take some time before your work schedules sync up and then it's pretty much a Rihanna song.
> 
> *mic drop*



 Ok so we still work together at my current job, even though she mostly does morning shifts, and just recently got a second job. I mostly work night shifts since I have classes in the morning. We see each other at work every now and then when our schedules over lap. Guess I should have clarified that in the first post. lol


----------



## UnderTheSign

Bodes said:


> Plus any non-vegetarians dating a vegetarian? or vise-versa? Any advice here? I'm the non-vego.
> We've been out on a few dates, which means you don't really have to think about it as there is always stuff for both sides.


Bit late to the party but my gf of 3 years is a vegetarian. Never really bothered me. With how popular and widely accepted not eating meat is nowadays, most restaurants have decent vegetarian dishes and there's a surprising amount of tasty alternatives to meat. When we're together I usually eat whatever she eats and somerimes when we eat out and the veggy option looks boring I'll eat meat. She doesn't care, as long as she doesn't have to cook my steaks. My parents either cook two dishes or all vegetarian whenever we eat at their place. It's really not hard to cook meatless and if you think it is, you're just a bad cook.

Really, adapting is super easy and as long as she's not overly preachy, you'll be fine.


----------



## vividox

I dated a vegetarian for two weeks and realized I was way too big of an asshole to ever date a vegetarian.


----------



## Bodes

Thanks for the advice everyone. She is a veto as she never liked the taste when she was younger and when she moved out of home she just didn't eat it. She has no objections to my meataterianism!

I asked what I should cook her when she comes around, her response was I don't expect you to not eat meat or know how to cook a vego meal for me, just as you understand you shouldn't expect me to cook a steak for you.

I said we must get have to enrol in some vego cooking classes so I can understand non-meat cuisines. That turned out great, for my umm... You know! 

So glad she didn't turn around and say "killing animals for food is sooo wrong" otherwise I may have said bye bye.

By the way she is on the way over after her workout. She said she likes salad after workouts, whether or not I cook some chicken for me or not is still uncertain at this point.... Ha ha ha!


----------



## UnderTheSign

Eh, my girlfriend believes killing animals for food is wrong but also says she shouldn't be a judgemental prick and accepts the fact I feel different about it or whatever. The key is both not being buttholes about it. Never really understood why people would break up with an ethical vegetarian. Like I said, it's not like it's hard to cook meatless dishes.


----------



## flint757

UnderTheSign said:


> Eh, my girlfriend believes killing animals for food is wrong but also says she shouldn't be a judgemental prick and accepts the fact I feel different about it or whatever. The key is both not being buttholes about it. Never really understood why people would break up with an ethical vegetarian. Like I said, it's not like it's hard to cook meatless dishes.



There are some militant folk on both sides of that issue. I would imagine the more committed to the 'meat is murder' message someone is the less compromising they are likely going to be on dating a meat eater.


----------



## vividox

flint757 said:


> There are some militant folk on both sides of that issue.



My first thought when I read this was a sweet sweet memory of reading Maddox articles in high school. I then followed this up by seeing if Maddox was still around. Not only is he still around, but his site looks exactly the same, in all its nostalgic glory. I am quite happy right now.

The relevant article: http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=sponsor


----------



## Gravy Train

I went on a date for the first time in 6 months last night! She is awesome and my dog absolutely loves her. I am looking forward to seeing where it goes


----------



## Bodes

Gravy Train said:


> I went on a date for the first time in 6 months last night! She is awesome and my dog absolutely loves her. I am looking forward to seeing where it goes




Likes! 

Hopefully your dog has good taste!


----------



## Maybrick

Gravy Train said:


> I went on a date for the first time in 6 months last night! She is awesome and my dog absolutely loves her. I am looking forward to seeing where it goes



Did you take your dog on your first date?! If you did, thats f*cking awesome!


----------



## Gravy Train

Maybrick said:


> Did you take your dog on your first date?! If you did, thats f*cking awesome!



Well gents, I took my dog on the first date and she absolutely loves him! He also loves her and I've never seen him so cuddly with someone else besides me or my family. Who knows where this will go, but so far life is great! Thank you everyone for the kind words, you guys rock!


----------



## anunnaki

My girlfriend broke up with me 10 days ago. We had been going out for nearly 3 years and had just moved in to a one bed apartment together in May. I was very much in love with her and I thought she was in love with me too, there was no indication from her that everything wasn't ok at all. She was always saying she couldn't wait to get married and have kids with me. 

I just flew back in from visiting my parents and she told me that she'd been thinking about it for a few months and had decided that she wasn't in love with me anymore. It was such a bombshell for me and I never saw it coming. I still don't fully understand it but I'll wait a month and then see if she wants to talk. I have so much I want to say but I don't know if it would change anything for the better.


----------



## Maybrick

anunnaki said:


> My girlfriend broke up with me 10 days ago. We had been going out for nearly 3 years and had just moved in to a one bed apartment together in May. I was very much in love with her and I thought she was in love with me too, there was no indication from her that everything wasn't ok at all. She was always saying she couldn't wait to get married and have kids with me.
> 
> I just flew back in from visiting my parents and she told me that she'd been thinking about it for a few months and had decided that she wasn't in love with me anymore. It was such a bombshell for me and I never saw it coming. I still don't fully understand it but I'll wait a month and then see if she wants to talk. I have so much I want to say but I don't know if it would change anything for the better.



Dont put her on a pedestal man. Take your mind off of things and just slowly move on. I know its not what you want to hear but you cant just do the 'wait a month' thing. That's what I did with my ex when we broke up after 3 years through a very similar ending as you. In the end it was just a huge waste of time.

Even if she comes back and goes "ohh sorry I dont know what came over me, I was having a funny moment", if you take her back then you're showing her that she can walk all over you and come back whenever she wants. Also, if you do work things out, how do you know she wont do it again.

You're better off moving on and finding someone who appreciates you more.


----------



## ATOMICxTomato

ATOMICxTomato said:


> Don't post too much here but I have a question for you guys, Would you ever date an ex of a close friend?
> 
> So story goes I've been knowing my friend since the 5th grade, and is arguably one of my best friends, even tho we don't hang out as often anymore after graduation in 2012. So like 3 years ago he helped get me a job at Target, which I'm currently still at, but he is not here anymore. So he was dating this chick while he was still there, but he had told me he just really wanted to mess around with her. Shortly after he quit Target they broke up, and me and her started talking more and more as friends. Fast forward to current date we text daily-ish, and I am some what attracted to her. We have hung out outside of work a bit but not much.I feel wrong and feel like im disrespecting my friend if I decided to try and actually get with her, but i've been thinking about it more and more lately.
> 
> So earlier in the week she asked if I was doing anything this weekend, or just working, and I told her I might be going to a wedding but wasn't sure because I didn't want to go on my own. The wedding is for a friend of mine but its mostly family, and he invited me last minute. So when I told her that, she said that she would want to go if I did. So I said screw it and now tomorrow we are going to the wedding lol.
> 
> Ive been wanting to ask my friend, her ex, if it would be ok, but I just feel wrong in doing so. Now if it turns out she just wants to be friends, Im ok with that, I just don't want to proceed without him knowing.
> 
> So basically would you ever date, or have dated a close friends ex, if so how was it? Any advice?



So lil update on my situation. By the way that things seem to be going she may not be interested in anything more then friendship. I noticed that im the one that is always texting her, but when I ask if she wants to hangout sometime, don't really get a response. We were supposed to hangout last week but she canceled last minute type thing. I don't really get a chance to see her at work much so texting is pretty much how we communicate. Asked today again since we are both off so no response. She may just be busy since she did say she was running some errands, or maybe im just getting to anxious but I guess all I can really do is wait and see what happens. Don't really wanna get too annoying. As you can tell im horrible with these things lol.


----------



## BucketheadRules

ATOMICxTomato said:


> I noticed that im the one that is always texting her, but when I ask if she wants to hangout sometime, don't really get a response. We were supposed to hangout last week but she canceled last minute type thing.



This old chestnut.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

ATOMICxTomato said:


> So lil update on my situation. By the way that things seem to be going she may not be interested in anything more then friendship. I noticed that im the one that is always texting her, but when I ask if she wants to hangout sometime, don't really get a response. We were supposed to hangout last week but she canceled last minute type thing. I don't really get a chance to see her at work much so texting is pretty much how we communicate. Asked today again since we are both off so no response. She may just be busy since she did say she was running some errands, or maybe im just getting to anxious but I guess all I can really do is wait and see what happens. Don't really wanna get too annoying. As you can tell im horrible with these things lol.


And that's when I would start distancing myself.Again,as you said,she might not see you as more than a friend or you're just not #1 on her potential boyfriend list.However,in the case that she does like you,you can only assume that it will be this way when ya'll are an item,and you don't seem content with her keeping you at arms length.I see people think that entering a relationship or marriage with a person will make them change for the "better,"but more often than not it ends up the same or worse.


----------



## Force

Force said:


> I never thought I'd be posting anything in here except useless crap, as per my previous comment, but I'm facing a bit of a dilemma atm.
> 
> I have a friend over from the states, she's separated from her husband (divorcing) & has 4 kids whom are currently still in the states. She is originally from here (Oz) & is planning on moving back permanently. She'll be here for another three months this time round.
> 
> Anyway, I'm 99% sure her plan is to end up in a relationship with me, she's already suggested we sleep together but I don't wanna go there. She's a great person & all but apart from not wanting a relationship like that with anyone, there's just too much other crap for it to work for me.
> 
> I just wanna stay friends but haven't had the balls to discuss it with her, I guess basically I selfishly don't want to be a prick & tell her how it is, I'm not interested, I just don't like hurting people.
> 
> The obvious answer is just to talk to her, find out for sure what's on her mind & go from there but I'm gonna ask the moron question.......what would any of you guys do?
> 
> P.S. Comment anything other than 'bang her', that ain't happening.




So, everyone has said to just be open with her & set the record straight. I have done this & initially thought it worked........BUT................

It seems to have gone in one ear & out the other, or lost somewhere in her cranial abyss. She came out with my kids & I on Sunday for some Nerf War fun, then we watched the NRL Grand Final (Aussie sport). She was hinting at staying over coz she had an hours drive home. I wasn't in to that idea so off she went.
Half hour later I was going to bed, went to get my phone to charge overnight & it was gone. She had taken it, mistakenly as claimed but I know damn well it was a ploy to bring it back & say 'It's too late for me to go back, can I stay now'. She had messaged my son to let me know she discovered she had it as she was halfway home. I should be getting it back tomorrow night (I'd better bloody well get it back).

I hate telling people off but is it time to cut strings? If she's playing .... like this, even plain friendship would be a stretch, don't you think?


----------



## MFB

You guys aren't even going out and she's taking your phone, that's some tie-cutting type .....


----------



## Daeniel

AliceLG said:


> Hi there! I posted a couple of weeks ago about starting a long-distance relationship with this amazing woman I met while on holidays. Today I fly to Madrid to spend the weekend with her and I'm all giddy and nervous, the teenage girl inside me is freaking out  The close friends that know about it, and my sister, keep telling me to be cool and just go with the flow and enjoy it, but I can't, I'm crazy about this woman. Anyway, I really hope that we get an amazing weekend together. I can't hardly wait to see her. Just 8 more hours and I'll be on my way.



We are in a similar situation  been together since January with my girl now. If there is a God, he definitely has a sense of humour - I live now in Germany (well, sothern Germany) and who I end up with? A girl that moved in my hometown in Italy in 2006, exactly when I left for studying abroad. She lives like 500mt from my parents' place. 

I mean, WTF right? 

But so far, so good - we are both very much in love. Wish the same can happen to you man! Servus von Bayern!


----------



## TedEH

A fun story, sort of:
Met a random lady yesterday, agreed to go for a drink at some random pub nearby. Wasn't the worst date in the world, but sooooo much talking- as in I couldn't get a word in. I'm in three bands, one of which is going on tour in like a week from now, but she doesn't know that cause she never paused to let me speak or ask me anything about myself.


----------



## broj15

So I hung out with a girl last sunday night. She posted on the event page for my bands show and was asking for a ride (she's in college and left her car at her mom's place) so I hit her up and offered to take her and she accepted. 
We seemed to hit it off alright on the ride there, but we didn't get much opportunity to talk at the show as it was the second show me and my band mates booked ourselves and I was busy trying to make sure things went smoothly/all the bands had everything they needed. 
On the way back to her dorm my phone died and since I'm an irresponsible ass who doesn't own a car charger I asked her if she could get us out of the city and back to her school and she said yes. 15 minutes later we're on the complete opposite side of the city than where we needed to be and she profusely apologized for not paying attention to the road signs because she was "so caught up in our conversation". I said it wasn't a big deal and I felt bad for letting my phone die and not having a car charger and she said it was alright because it was "an unexpected adventure". We finally found our way back to her dorm and before I left she gave me a long hug and said she had a good time and to let her know the next time I was free.
I held off on hitting her up again because I was trying to not appear desperate/needy and then a couple nights ago she sent me a screencap of one of those dumb facebook quizzes called "which one of your friends wants to kidnap you?" and it was me. Obviously that sh_i_ts all random but I thought it was cute that she sent it to me. I told her "I don't know about kidnapping, but I wouldn't mind stealing your for a night for another adventure. albeit a bit more planned out." She said she'd love to hang out again so I gave her a couple options (I told her i was supposed to go to a party tonight, but hanging out with her would be preferred or my band is playing another show this tuesday and I wouldn't mind picking her up on the way). She said she was really behind on school work, but she was going to try and get as much done as possible this weekend so she could see me again real soon.

Sooooo, fingers crossed. Wish me luck.


----------



## coupe89

What is the best way to start a message with someone on an online dating site?


----------



## Ibanezsam4

coupe89 said:


> What is the best way to start a message with someone on an online dating site?



be friendly. if you guys were matched up it's the same as saying hi to anyone. but you're on a dating site so the implication is already implied. 

start off "hey i'm *first name* and maybe work a compliment in there about a mutual interest and then have a normal convo when she messages back. pretty simple. the less pressure you put on it the more natural the convo and more charming you appear. 

good luck, and godspeed! and don't grab her by the p***y


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Ibanezsam4 said:


> start off "hey i'm *first name* and maybe work a compliment in there about a mutual interest and then have a normal convo *if* she messages back. pretty simple.


Fixed it for you.Today's women are very flaky,especially on the internet.I wouldn't put any pressure/thought into the online dating.Interacting with women IRL is better,and women who wouldn't give you a chance on the internet would probably like you in the flesh because the internet strips away most of the important parts of communication.This is from somebody who is asocial lol.


----------



## TedEH

^ I don't know that "flaky" really describes the situation. Dudes on sites like that get very little communication unless they happen to do an amazing job of selling themselves. Women, on the other hand, get bombarded with all the nonsense for almost literally all the dudes. It's both an advantage and a disadvantage at the same time- they have full range/control over who they want to start conversations with, but it means wading through waves of dudes they have no interest in.


----------



## vividox

TedEH said:


> ^ I don't know that "flaky" really describes the situation. Dudes on sites like that get very little communication unless they happen to do an amazing job of selling themselves. Women, on the other hand, get bombarded with all the nonsense for almost literally all the dudes. It's both an advantage and a disadvantage at the same time- they have full range/control over who they want to start conversations with, but it means wading through waves of dudes they have no interest in.


Sounds like real life to me.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

vividox said:


> Sounds like real life to me.


I think it's quite the contrary when it comes to real life.Guys are a lot less forthcoming with their motives and...body parts in real life because they don't have that element of anonymity the internet provides.That perfect ten you might see at your job or at school that you assume already has a boyfriend might actually be single because other guys are intimidated.


----------



## vividox

Obsidian Soul said:


> I think it's quite the contrary when it comes to real life.Guys are a lot less forthcoming with their motives and...body parts in real life because they don't have that element of anonymity the internet provides.That perfect ten you might see at your job or at school that you assume already has a boyfriend might actually be single because other guys are intimidated.


Well, I'm saying that the fundamental relationship between women and men (i.e. that men generally chase women which leaves women with the choice to ultimately accept/reject) is the same whether or not we're talking about real life or the internet. The anonymity of the internet does indeed exacerbate these fundamentals to dick-pic-ing degrees, but the fundamentals are still there.


----------



## Kwert

Obsidian Soul said:


> I think it's quite the contrary when it comes to real life.Guys are a lot less forthcoming with their motives and...body parts in real life because they don't have that element of anonymity the internet provides.That perfect ten you might see at your job or at school that you assume already has a boyfriend might actually be single because other guys are intimidated.




Nah, this is pretty much the same as real life. Women (single or otherwise) get bombarded with so much unwanted .... from dudes all day, and I don't think we'll ever really understand that, since we don't have to live it day to day.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Kwert said:


> Nah, this is pretty much the same as real life. Women (single or otherwise) get bombarded with so much unwanted .... from dudes all day, and I don't think we'll ever really understand that, since we don't have to live it day to day.



this is an exaggeration as well. if you're single, and in a social setting where advances are expected, then being "bombarded" is the norm and women dress, act and perform to attain male attention. 

anywhere outside of this setting, this behavior doesn't usually take place. 

sure, you'll always have that one dog of a male who tries to frack everything that moves, but you also have women who bring the same mating performance into the workplace or school etc. 

i've dealt with both professionally and both displays are distracting and pathetic


----------



## Tyler

Its been about 6 months since my girlfriend of close to 5 years left because my depression from family and personal issues kept me from being able to show much emotion for a while. Shes now with this guy she knows I dont like, who fooled around with her roommate while they were talking and it just makes my blood boil. 

I know dreams cant be controlled but I keep getting so much anxiety from her still being in my dreams and him showing up in them now. Granted she cheated on me and was emotionally abusive, I still tend to beat myself up over why I still have feelings for her after it all when I see them together around campus.


----------



## youngthrasher9

I was going to ask a chick out the other day.



She moved to Indiana in the time since I last saw her in person.


----------



## ASoC

Had another dream about my ex last night. At this point it seems like I only remember my dreams when she's involved. 

The dream started and I was at a donut shop in New York (don't know how I know that, I've never been there). As I was sitting there a woman who worked there (who I identified as a close friend of my ex) came up and asked how I was doing. I told her that my ex had contacted me asking to talk and then never really followed up (that actually happened back in early August, and I had an anxiety attack because of it) and she (the friend) told me that my ex wanted communication to be a mutual effort (I didn't really understand this, since I had always made an effort to be totally transparent with her) . Suddenly, I was at a condo I grew up in doing laundry when a group of 5 people came over, including her. Naturally, I went to my room because I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk to her, especially with other people around. All 5 of them followed me for some reason. After they held a conversation in my room while I was lying in bed, they left. She stayed behind and proceeded to climb into bed and cuddle with me. I was very confused as to what was going on and I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to spend the night with her, so I made an excuse to get up and put my clothes in the dryer. When I came back she was in the bathroom. After that the scene changed pretty drastically. I found myself in my old house (the one that I still think of as "home") and one of the rooms was closed but I somehow knew that my ex was in there and something bad was going on. After a while a guy came out carrying a sleeping kid. I'll never forget what he said or the sadistic tone in his voice. "The boy is fine. The lady's beautiful body? Not so much." Before I could do or say anything I woke up furious, and my first thought was that I would have ended that man without a second thought if it hadn't been a dream. 

I don't know what this means and I have nobody to talk to about it, since I'm obviously not going to call her and tell her about the dreams I've been having. Interestingly, each one has left me feeling a totally different emotion upon waking. I woke up crying after the first, happy after the second, and furious after the third.

It's been almost 2 years and I'm still as hung up on her as I've ever been, what do I do?


----------



## Tyler

ASoC said:


> Had another dream about my ex last night. At this point it seems like I only remember my dreams when she's involved.
> 
> The dream started and I was at a donut shop in New York (don't know how I know that, I've never been there). As I was sitting there a woman who worked there (who I identified as a close friend of my ex) came up and asked how I was doing. I told her that my ex had contacted me asking to talk and then never really followed up (that actually happened back in early August, and I had an anxiety attack because of it) and she (the friend) told me that my ex wanted communication to be a mutual effort (I didn't really understand this, since I had always made an effort to be totally transparent with her) . Suddenly, I was at a condo I grew up in doing laundry when a group of 5 people came over, including her. Naturally, I went to my room because I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk to her, especially with other people around. All 5 of them followed me for some reason. After they held a conversation in my room while I was lying in bed, they left. She stayed behind and proceeded to climb into bed and cuddle with me. I was very confused as to what was going on and I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to spend the night with her, so I made an excuse to get up and put my clothes in the dryer. When I came back she was in the bathroom. After that the scene changed pretty drastically. I found myself in my old house (the one that I still think of as "home") and one of the rooms was closed but I somehow knew that my ex was in there and something bad was going on. After a while a guy came out carrying a sleeping kid. I'll never forget what he said or the sadistic tone in his voice. "The boy is fine. The lady's beautiful body? Not so much." Before I could do or say anything I woke up furious, and my first thought was that I would have ended that man without a second thought if it hadn't been a dream.
> 
> I don't know what this means and I have nobody to talk to about it, since I'm obviously not going to call her and tell her about the dreams I've been having. Interestingly, each one has left me feeling a totally different emotion upon waking. I woke up crying after the first, happy after the second, and furious after the third.
> 
> It's been almost 2 years and I'm still as hung up on her as I've ever been, what do I do?



Dreams are hard my friend, Ive been having dreams about mine still almost every night and they're the only ones I can remember anymore. Now all I ever dream of is her with her new boyfriend and how happy they are, which in turn wakes me up and leaves me thinking on it all day. Maybe try and see a counselor around you? Its someone to talk to and can maybe help figure out how to put it behind you. Thats what I'm starting to do as its been 6 going on 7 months after 5 years with her, and I still can't get over it.


----------



## will_shred

Fiancé left me two weeks ago. Feels badman. Oh well, at least I still have my Mark V.


----------



## BrailleDecibel

So it begins again...a girl I've never met liked a picture of my tattoo on my artist's FB page and added me, so I decided to strike up a conversation with her. By the end of it, she pretty much asked me out on a date. It's been 3 days since then, and things seem to be going pretty well, we've started talking on the phone, and we seem to never run out of things to talk about, and she has a really cute laugh. No idea where things will go from here, but I figured I'd leave a bit of positivity in this thread, and a little hope for you guys that are struggling out there. These kind of things usually fall into your lap when you least expect it, and if even I can have a little luck, there is hope for anyone.


----------



## Alberto7

I hate blowing people off, especially when it was me who initiated it.

Met this girl on Tinder the other night when I reopened my account just to drunkenly laugh at people with my roommate. She had similar taste in music to me and we hit it off well for the first couple of days, until she began opening up. Now there are red flags and heart emojis everywhere.

She's gotten kind of attached to me even though we've never met, since she's new in town and all, and I feel some heavy emotional baggage and/or instability. During the first couple of days we talked I was the one who suggested we should meet up after my busy week/weekend were done. Now that week/weekend are over, and I'm still busy, I'm still not feeling it, I'm still seeing red flags, and I can't keep talking to her in fear that she'll end up even more disappointed than she already will.

Not sure why I'm guilt tripping myself. I've never even met this person irl.


----------



## bostjan

Alberto7 said:


> I hate blowing people off, especially when it was me who initiated it.
> 
> Met this girl on Tinder the other night when I reopened my account just to drunkenly laugh at people with my roommate. She had similar taste in music to me and we hit it off well for the first couple of days, until she began opening up. Now there are red flags and heart emojis everywhere.
> 
> She's gotten kind of attached to me even though we've never met, since she's new in town and all, and I feel some heavy emotional baggage and/or instability. During the first couple of days we talked I was the one who suggested we should meet up after my busy week/weekend were done. Now that week/weekend are over, and I'm still busy, I'm still not feeling it, I'm still seeing red flags, and I can't keep talking to her in fear that she'll end up even more disappointed than she already will.
> 
> Not sure why I'm guilt tripping myself. I've never even met this person irl.



Are you on the fence about her or have you already decided you don't like her that much? The reason I ask is because the longer you wait, the more difficult and painful it gets, especially if she's getting clingy.


----------



## Alberto7

bostjan said:


> Are you on the fence about her or have you already decided you don't like her that much? The reason I ask is because the longer you wait, the more difficult and painful it gets, especially if she's getting clingy.



Under different circumstances in my life I would go for it, but my mind is really not into it these days. I don't like her so much that I'd put my life on hold just to get to know her, nor am I so needy at the moment that I want a girlfriend no matter what. Maybe if I actually took the time to get to know her I'd end up liking her a lot more, but honestly I just don't want to bother. School, training, my close circle of friends and family, and an overall need to develop myself and my career further are what I'm focusing on these days.

TL;DR: I think I've already made my decision.  But it still sucks.


----------



## KnightBrolaire

will_shred said:


> Fiancé left me two weeks ago. Feels badman. Oh well, at least I still have my Mark V.



women come and go, good gear stays forever


----------



## Alberto7

KnightBrolaire said:


> women come and go, good gear stays forever



I don't think you've been around here long enough


----------



## oracles

Alberto7 said:


> Now there are red flags and heart emojis everywhere.



Run. If you're seeing red flags this early on, nothing good is going to come from this.


----------



## bostjan

Alberto7 said:


> I don't think you've been around here long enough


----------



## Alberto7

oracles said:


> Run. If you're seeing red flags this early on, nothing good is going to come from this.



Was gonna. I was civilized and first asked her straight up what she wanted. She said she had a boyfriend and wasn't looking for a relationship or a "sex friend." It put me at ease and I told her that if that was true then I didn't mind keeping in touch.

... still sends me texts every morning at 7 AM wishing me a good day.

idk mang.

At least not answering is justified now.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Alberto7 said:


> Was gonna. I was civilized and first asked her straight up what she wanted. *She said she had a boyfriend and wasn't looking for a relationship or a "sex friend."* It put me at ease and I told her that if that was true then I didn't mind keeping in touch.
> 
> ... still sends me texts every morning at 7 AM wishing me a good day.
> 
> idk mang.
> 
> At least not answering is justified now.



But, she was on Tinder.... this crap makes my head hurt


----------



## glassmoon0fo

I havn't been on this thread in probably years, but common issue I see: Too many of you guys listen to what people SAY without watching what they DO. Lying about one's true intentions is VERY easy, doing something against your desires isnt. Meshuggah said it years ago, "Without speech there will be no deceit." Keeps things simple yo.

EDIT: "I'm not on Tinder for hookups" is the "just the tip" of social media, she knows what she's up to.


----------



## Alberto7

Ibanezsam4 said:


> But, she was on Tinder.... this crap makes my head hurt



Same thing that went through my head. Though I wasn't gonna ask; I don't think I'd want to know why anyway.  Feels like a can of worms.



glassmoon0fo said:


> I havn't been on this thread in probably years, but common issue I see: Too many of you guys listen to what people SAY without watching what they DO. Lying about one's true intentions is VERY easy, doing something against your desires isnt. Meshuggah said it years ago, "Without speech there will be no deceit." Keeps things simple yo.
> 
> EDIT: "I'm not on Tinder for hookups" is the "just the tip" of social media, she knows what she's up to.



Kinda hard watching what anyone does when you've never even seen their face. But I do get your point, and I 100% agree. Taking someone's word lightly just like that is a surefire way to get f*cked. (Perhaps literally, too.) Kinda why she just keeps sketching me out.


----------



## russmuller

I'm going to a comedy show tonight with a girl I've had a crush on for years. We're just going as friends because we both really want to see the show. She's dying to crank out some babies and I'm not, so I've no intention of putting the moves on just to waste her time. Even so, I'm severely excited about spending time with her.


----------



## squids

will_shred said:


> Fiancé left me two weeks ago. Feels badman. Oh well, at least I still have my Mark V.



dude i am so sorry for your loss, but


----------



## will_shred

squids said:


> dude i am so sorry for your loss, but




Well, now I have my Mark V and my new fwb I met on Tinder  I took her to a show Friday and we ended up back at her place  She plays cello and loves metal and studies philosophy, she's pretty neat. Pretty much the polar opposite of my ex.


----------



## russmuller

will_shred said:


> Well, now I have my Mark V and my new fwb I met on Tinder  I took her to a show Friday and we ended up back at her place  She plays cello and loves metal and studies philosophy, she's pretty neat. Pretty much the polar opposite of my ex.



Sounds like a pretty sweet rebound.


----------



## FEcorvus

Found a girl I was friends with back years ago in high school on tinder, going to take her to see Dr strange on Friday with my band mates after rehearsal, here's hoping it'll go well


----------



## TedEH

I did some traveling with a band recently, and was passing through the city my ex lives in. I didn't figure there was any way to avoid her knowing I was there, and I also thought we were on reasonably friendly terms, so I invited her to the show. Instead of her going to the show, we met for food ahead of time, including some other members of the band and the bassists girlfriend. Started off ok, but as time went on, she started making weird jabs and making sure to tell all the less-than-flattering stories she's got about me. The other people with us just sort of sat back, confused looking. I heard a "what is happening?" at one point.

I was just trying to be friendly, but I guess she didn't appreciate that. Clearly not going to bother trying next time.


----------



## broj15

so this is gonna be half blog-post and half me asking for advice.

So things have been going great between me and the girl I've been hanging out with for the past month or so. Any time I've tried to make plans with her she's been down (despite her busy school and work schedule) and while she says she's bad at replying to texts, fb messages, etc. she always gets back to me relatively quickly. We hung out last weekend and since her roommate was out of town she asked me to spend the night cool. We also went to a show together the other night and have plans to hang out again this weekend.

Now, here's where I need advice: How do I (not awkwardly) approach the subject of us being in a real/official/exclusive/serious relationship without making her feel pressured or like I'm trying to put a label on it? Normally i wouldn't put so much thought into it, but she's told me that her ex was really controlling and I don't want her to think I'm the same way, plus I've kinda caught feelings for her and just want to know how she feels as far as "us" being a long term thing (as in the foreseeable future) . Plus it's been so long since I was in a relationship that wasn't ridiculously dysfunctional and I've kinda 'forgotten' how this sh_i_t normally works.

Oh yeah, meanwhile my ex (the incredibly toxic one that made me feel hella inadequate) has come by my work TWICE trying to see me. I wasn't there either time and both times shes texted me saying that she'd like to see me. I haven't replied and don't plan on it. However there is a part of me that wants to be petty and screen cap the texts and send them to her current boy toy (the guy she cheated on with me when we first started hanging out), however I know all that would cause is unnecessary drama and probably result in bad karma for me.


----------



## will_shred

broj15 said:


> so this is gonna be half blog-post and half me asking for advice.
> 
> So things have been going great between me and the girl I've been hanging out with for the past month or so. Any time I've tried to make plans with her she's been down (despite her busy school and work schedule) and while she says she's bad at replying to texts, fb messages, etc. she always gets back to me relatively quickly. We hung out last weekend and since her roommate was out of town she asked me to spend the night cool. We also went to a show together the other night and have plans to hang out again this weekend.
> 
> Now, here's where I need advice: How do I (not awkwardly) approach the subject of us being in a real/official/exclusive/serious relationship without making her feel pressured or like I'm trying to put a label on it? Normally i wouldn't put so much thought into it, but she's told me that her ex was really controlling and I don't want her to think I'm the same way, plus I've kinda caught feelings for her and just want to know how she feels as far as "us" being a long term thing (as in the foreseeable future) . Plus it's been so long since I was in a relationship that wasn't ridiculously dysfunctional and I've kinda 'forgotten' how this sh_i_t normally works.
> 
> Oh yeah, meanwhile my ex (the incredibly toxic one that made me feel hella inadequate) has come by my work TWICE trying to see me. I wasn't there either time and both times shes texted me saying that she'd like to see me. I haven't replied and don't plan on it. However there is a part of me that wants to be petty and screen cap the texts and send them to her current boy toy (the guy she cheated on with me when we first started hanging out), however I know all that would cause is unnecessary drama and probably result in bad karma for me.




That sounds like my situation dude. I didn't think I would end up making such a strong connection with this person so quickly, and what i'm doing is, nothing. We act like a couple, but we don't really have any expectations of one another. Right now we just hang out and enjoy each others company and enjoy this for what it is, so my advice would just be to chill out about labels, and just enjoy. That bridge will be crossed when the time comes.


----------



## bostjan

FEcorvus said:


> Found a girl I was friends with back years ago in high school on tinder, going to take her to see Dr strange on Friday with my band mates after rehearsal, here's hoping it'll go well



How'd it go?


----------



## FEcorvus

bostjan said:


> How'd it go?



It actually went pretty well, we're gunna try to get together again soon, after all my term papers are done and over with

thanks for asking friend


----------



## bostjan

FEcorvus said:


> It actually went pretty well, we're gunna try to get together again soon, after all my term papers are done and over with
> 
> thanks for asking friend



Oh, so over the holidays? That's good to hear!


----------



## broj15

will_shred said:


> That sounds like my situation dude. I didn't think I would end up making such a strong connection with this person so quickly, and what i'm doing is, nothing. We act like a couple, but we don't really have any expectations of one another. Right now we just hang out and enjoy each others company and enjoy this for what it is, so my advice would just be to chill out about labels, and just enjoy. That bridge will be crossed when the time comes.



Thanks for the advice man. When we hung out the other night SHE actually ended up bringing it up. She asked what I wanted out of us hanging out so I asked how she felt about it and she said that she wasn't interested in anyone else and had no plans on being interested in anyone else as long as I was on the same page. She said she didn't want to rush things but she wants to work towards being in a relationship with me. So yeah, That's whats up. I was really surprised when she brought it up but also extremely relieved.


----------



## bostjan

Glad to see some good news in this thread for a change!


----------



## ftr

There is this cute girl that works at a local drugstore. The first time I saw her when I went in there was almost a month ago, and I thought she was really cute. Yesterday, I was driving randomly and she popped up in my head, so I decided to go in there to see if she was in there. I saw her and got excited. I waited until she was the one at the register before I went to check out. I didn't say much besides the usual. When I left I realized this girl gives me straight up butterflies in my stomach. It has been pretty rare these past few years when a girl makes me butterflies. I understand girls at work are just being nice because they have to, and I know that a lot of people mistake friendliness with flirting, so I never think anything of it when girls are nice to me when they are at work. However, with this girl it feels different. I don't know how to explain it. It just feels like their is some kind of connection. A girl has not given me butterflies like this in a while. I still have yet to ask out a girl while she is at work. I could never really figure out a plan that wouldn't be really awkward. The store she works at is pretty dead every time I go in there, so I think that would make it easier to ask her out. I was thinking of going in there and asking her for help at an aisle that is far from everyone, and saying something like ''I actually don't need help with anything. I just came in because I think you are cute and wanted to know if you would like hang out sometime?''. I don't know. I feel like I am going to do it. What do you guys think? good idea?


----------



## TedEH

^ Good idea to ask her out at all? Who knows, maybe that could work. The way you suggested doing it? Nope. Don't do that.

Just be cool about it. Go in like you normally would, and next time you're interacting anyway, throw in a "just a thought, but would you be up for getting a drink or something some time?" Either she'll be flattered by the idea and go for it, or she'll say no and that's the end of it. 

Bonus tip- if your response to that is to think "we're not at a point where that wouldn't be weird", then you probably don't have as much connection as you think you do. That doesn't mean don't try it, but just be realistic.


----------



## ftr

TedEH said:


> ^ Good idea to ask her out at all? Who knows, maybe that could work. The way you suggested doing it? Nope. Don't do that.
> 
> Just be cool about it. Go in like you normally would, and next time you're interacting anyway, throw in a "just a thought, but would you be up for getting a drink or something some time?" Either she'll be flattered by the idea and go for it, or she'll say no and that's the end of it.
> 
> Bonus tip- if your response to that is to think "we're not at a point where that wouldn't be weird", then you probably don't have as much connection as you think you do. That doesn't mean don't try it, but just be realistic.



Hmm, I thought that idea would be more comfortable for her, since their wouldn't be the chance of her feeling pressured, or on the spot because of her co-workers, or people in line. Eh, but I guess I would not have to worry about that too much since, like I said, The place is pretty much dead all of the time.


----------



## TedEH

ftr said:


> I was thinking of going in there and asking her for help at an aisle that is far from everyone



IMO, it's not a good idea to try to lure someone away from the other people in the store, then put them on the spot. That's a sure way to make someone uncomfortable, not the other way around.


----------



## chassless

Hey everyone, i tend to steer clear from this thread but i know you guys are a reasonable bunch and always give good advice so i thought i could open up for once. 

I used to be a 'serial monogamist'. I've been stringing long term relationships (or attempts at them) for the past 10 years. I had the unhealthy tendency to 'marry' my girlfriends pretty early on in my relationships, thinking she would be the one, and that I'd do anything for them. Ignoring some obvious, and some not so obvious red flags along the way. This came at the cost of my own self esteem, i basically killed my own drive at doing anything good for myself because, simply put, I'd feel useless without a significant other, and that my significant other is everything to me. I've skipped on so many career opportunities because of that. I decided this time, after breaking up with a girl i thought i wanted kids with, that i need to change. 

I never really knew or got to practice my sexual freedom. Since I'm recently single, since around 3 months ago, i started giving this a try with varying degrees of success. In this short period I've met and talked to many more girls than I've ever known to handle. Since i intend to leave the country by the end of winter i don't want to feel any form of sentimental attachment to anyone. In fact i wouldn't want that because, after so many years, I'd like to try the other side of things for once. and because i don't want to ruin my plans of leaving the country like i've done a few times before. so I try to be honest and upfront about this during dates, if the subject comes up. I'm also trying to stay open minded, to make new friends and not necessarily try to get in everybody's pants either. The dates have been going pretty good so far i would say. 

Yet i also met this cute foreign girl who's only here for another month or so, we had a great evening, slept together at her place, even stayed in a bit in the morning and kept talking for a few hours before i left. That was last weekend and I'm kind of obsessing over her now. We met up quickly for a juice yesterday, that was nice too, and kissed when we parted ways. I'm feeling the same infatuation i used to get a long time ago, it's the same pattern all over again... I want to get rid of this neediness, this desire to have something 'special' with anyone with whom i share a physical moment. And i also don't know how to maintain a healthy friends with benefits type of relationship with a few people at the same time. Maybe it's just not for me? i know it's something i want to explore, that i would learn a lot from. At some moments it feels pretty natural, other times i feel the comfort of having just one person in mind creeping again which scares me. I 'm already counting the minutes between my texts and the girl's replies... i don't want that. I want to respect her space, especially since she's not here for long. 

Am i just overthinking things? I got the feeling i do. But it feels good to type it here. I know it falls on good ears/eyes. Thanks for reading, those of you who do.

edit: i maybe am overthinking. as soon as i finished typing this little blog entry here, quite literally at the same second, she just texted me inviting me over.  but still... i need to learn to not make this too big of a deal.


----------



## TedEH

^ Context is everything, but there's no such thing generally as "overthinking", IMO. You can definitely be giving this state of constant evaluation too much weight though. Sure, always be thinking, but just remember to do some living in between the thinking.



> I want to get rid of this neediness, this desire to have something 'special' with anyone with whom i share a physical moment.



If you want something, then you want it. Maybe you can't stop yourself from wanting something, but maybe you can reframe it so that it's more inline with whatever else is going on in your life. I think people have a natural tendency to search for some level of connection with others around them, and that means different things in each context, but the base idea of it is there. It might be helpful to recognize that a connection doesn't have to mean a commitment. You can decide that a moment or weekend or an activity or some shared interest or something is "special" without having to tie that to the structure of a "proper/normal relationship". There's no rule that says you have to handle your relationships a certain way, and there's no rule that says you can't change you mind about how you want to handle them.

Maybe it's less than helpful advice, but realistically, you're the only one that knows your situation well enough to know how you should act. Seems to me like a good way to go about that situation might be to just:
- Put first the very simple idea that you're having (along with whoever is with you) a good time, and just make that the in-the-moment priority at any given time, even when you're alone.
- Recognize that there's no need to stress over any part of your situation you have no control over. If someone is leaving in a few months, that's ok. If someone has no interest in you, that's ok. If you spend a year being single and not caring about any of what you previously said, that's all ok.

Not super helpful maybe, but hopeful something from that was meaningful.


----------



## chassless

^ no, you're making a lot of sense there Ted. What you've said is what I've been trying to keep in mind but it always helps to hear it from a third party. Merci pour les conseils mon chum, c'est bien apprécié


----------



## Gravy Train

Well the dating app/website didn't really fly for me. But earlier this week we had my younger brother's college signing party, and my ex who I haven't seen or talked to in nearly 3 years was there. Well we talked and agreed to meet for coffee. When we met for coffee, I felt that we really hit it off (better than when we were together originally). After that, we had another family party which I invited her to. She showed up and things went even better. We talked about potentially getting back together and decided that we will take it slow and will see what happens. She goes to school at Texas A&M and I'm here in San Antonio, so it will be a little bit long distance. I haven't felt like this in years (butterflies in my stomach and just overall excitement). We both have changed immensely over the years (for the better it seems) and I look forward to seeing where the next couple of weeks goes.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

hey guys. this post goes out to my lonely teenage/young SSO brethren

just felt it would be kinda surreal to pop back in this thread, haven't posted in here since 2014. as my earlier posts here will attest (in cringe-worthily specific detail!) like some of the younger and less self-confident members of this board, my romantic luck was entirely nonexistent for the longest time, which wasn't great  along with that, I've had some significant problems with my mental health over the last couple of years that have made life pretty difficult at times.

about 8 months ago i decided to get my act in gear, curbed some bad habits (eating like ...., drinking every day, taking drugs from strangers) and get diagnosed and get some professional help for my depression and anxiety. spent summer being really busy, sociable, and getting happier, becoming more comfortable with myself. and i didn't have feelings for anyone, and wasn't looking for a relationship at all, and was fine with that.

toward the end of august i unexpectedly met a girl at a party and we instantly liked each other, started dating in october and we've been a couple for a month now. it feels really, really good, and in all honesty we're so compatible and make each other happy enough that the (literally) lifelong wait for a first relationship feels entirely worth it, regardless of how this relationship turns out in the end.

so for all the young lonely lads (let's be honest, we're on SSO here, the gender ratio is beyond skewed ) in this thread, cliff notes from my rambling post: you gotta be happy yourself to make someone else happy. figure out where you're going in life as an individual, and good things WILL surely follow. and don't despair for lack of people who are interested in you OR settle for someone you're not compatible with, because eventually you'll meet someone who is both, and you'll realise from then on that those people are in fact out there. take care all


----------



## TedEH

^ Same applies to those of us who aren't quite teenagers anymore.  I tend to look at it this way: I have to be a person I would like, before someone I would like would also like me.

I don't think of myself as "old" by any real means (28 next month) but I feel like I'm old enough to recognize that I'm happier being single and enjoying my independence then being with someone who doesn't add much to my life. I think embracing the idea that I don't need to latch onto other people has allowed me to make a lot of personal progress that I couldn't have made otherwise, especially in just this last year- I got to go on a short tour with a band, wrote and started recording a new personal project, I'm doing all the audio engineering stuff for my current two bands now, been able to save money, I've lot a bunch of weight, done a bunch of traveling, reconnected with old friends, met a whole bunch of new people, etc. Any relationship I've been in would have got in the way of all this stuff. Until I can meet someone who will add something valuable to my life without taking all of that away, I'm much better off not committing to anyone just for the sake of not being single.

Besides that, being a single, relatively happy dude with the freedom to have a bunch of one-off date nights with whoever, whenever is pretty good on it's own.


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

oh absolutely (to be fair neither am I, turning 21 next month ) honestly man that's the healthiest way to go. Some people go a LONG time before they realise that, and some people never do. It's a shame you can't like or rep posts anymore, else I would've


----------



## broj15

^^^ It took me almost 3 years of being single before i learned that lesson, and i'm still learning, but i'm better than i have been in a while. I feel like Bright Eyes put it pretty well with the line "If I can't learn to make myself feel better, how can I expect anyone else to give a sh_i_t"


----------



## youngthrasher9

Two of my best friends got married within a week of eachother. I was in both weddings.


My life is bittersweet.


----------



## MFB

Gonna risk a 6 year friendship by telling her how I feel next week. 

Let's see how this goes eh?


----------



## chassless

I need to control my friendly nature. I saw the foreigner girl quite a few times during the last 2 weeks but then she told me she doesn't like the idea that we're getting that close and that i still intend to talk to and see other people. I guess i was possibly being too forward considering we're both leaving the country in a matter of a few months. But it's still hard for me to be so distant, it feels weird not being friendly and at least a bit intimate with someone I'm sleeping with, even if it is just a fling. 




MFB said:


> Gonna risk a 6 year friendship by telling her how I feel next week.
> 
> Let's see how this goes eh?



good luck with that. If you're close friends you should be able to work something out.


----------



## MFB

> If you're close friends you should be able to work something out.



I can live with a no, hell it's my baseline to work from, but I can't keep living with the 'maybe' that is and has been by not saying anything


----------



## chassless

^ true. I think if you're both mature enough about it you might have nothing to lose


----------



## MFB

That's the plan. I mean, like I said, we've known each other for 6 years, and I was over the moon about her from day one, so she's basically just getting confirmation at this point and the ability to say how she feels about the situation.


----------



## chassless

you've liked her since day one? declaring your feelings to her now seems slightly overdue


----------



## vilk

nvm


----------



## MFB

chassless said:


> you've liked her since day one? declaring your feelings to her now seems slightly overdue



I immediately thought she was cute, like, that much was obvious. I hadn't yet known her personality wise, but I knew I was in for "trouble" and sure enough I got it 

It's 6 years to I believe today that we first hung out outside of class where we met, and a friend tried to pressure me into telling her than but I denied it, and since then I've kicked my ass every time. So now I'm making amends.

Like I said, it's no secret really the way we act with each other, it's more just putting out there and see how she feels. After that it's either start shacking up or move on to someone else.


----------



## chassless

well keep us posted, man. i'm curious to know how it goes.


----------



## MFB

Ha.
Hahaha.
Hahahahahahaha.

I planned on telling her next week when we got out of the Bruins game we're going to; but lo and behold, guess who got free tickets to tomorrow's game?

I'm tempted to tell her and get it over with, I just don't want her to freak and cancel on next week leaving me trying to sell a ticket. I'm 99% sure I'm gonna do it anyway since we're adults and hopefully it doesn't ruin everything.


----------



## vividox

Good luck, man.


----------



## russmuller

oops... nvm


----------



## kamello

sooo I met a fantastic girl from abroad the last weekend. Spent the afternoon speaking for hours and drinking a few beers on a hill. No akward silences and got to make up with her 

On the road to her home, we agreed to meet again during this weekend cause we both had busy schedules ahead. took like another 40 minutes to say goodbye and then when I arrived to my place I saw she left me a message basically saying that she had a great time. We texted for a while and that was it 

I spoke to her yesterday to ask her about her exams, and told me that she would be busy up until this next Wendsday, but would give me a call if she ends up making some time for a quick break on the weekend

now, the logic part of me says ''cool, great'', but the anxious disaster that I've been becoming this year just keeps making me think that she will just flake out or loose interesest during this time
as I said, It's an attitude that I _recently_ devoloped regarding any stressfull situtation, but it's becoming a bit tiring 


Guess I needed to put this into words


----------



## MFB

Well it's over.

We talked and she said she had never really thought of me that way, that I've always been her best friend. She also said she never thought I felt that way, know or back then but she took it well.

This is EXACTLY what I expected, and I told her I just wanted her to know the truth and that's even though that's how she feels, I don't plan on being anything other than myself, since she was worried I was going to stop talking to her.


----------



## russmuller

Sorry to hear it was a swing and a miss.  Sounds like you're being a pro about it though. I'm proud of you for going through with it, and now at least you know.


----------



## chassless

Good job at being adults, MFB, and kamello, don't think about it too much, give her time


----------



## broj15

So, We're facebook official now and she had me meet her mom last night. Everything went well. I haven't been this happy in a while.


----------



## TedEH

broj15 said:


> facebook official



I remember a time when the internet didn't need to know these things, let alone being the authority on what's official or not. 

Some positive news is always nice to see in this thread though.


----------



## broj15

^^^ Yeah, it wasn't my idea . She said she was tired of random guys messaging her all the time so hopefully they'll see that and back off.


----------



## Danklin

My name is Frank, I want girlfriend.

Thanks


----------



## chassless

Hey Frank, wish i could help.


----------



## TedEH

Danklin said:


> I want girlfriend.



Don't we all. Thanks for that very insightful statement.


----------



## kamello

what happened to the ''me wants grilfrund :c'' tag or something along those lines in this thread?  


aaaand I spoke to the girl from abroad last week. We agreed to see some live bands during the early afternoon of the saturday that already passed by. The day came, I texted her asking where we would meet but the messaged didn't arrived; called and no dice. then around 7pm, she appeared and told me her battery was death, didn't have a charger in hand, and went to a friends house to charge it (atached a screencap and everything) 

I told her it was fine, and we still had time too look for something else to do. She said she would just prefer to organize things better sometime in the future

sooo yeah, after that flake I don't expect to hear too much of her. The abrupt change in interest just felt so awkward though...


----------



## Alberto7

I always start writing something on this thread thinking "I'll keep it short and concise," and end up with 7 paragraphs. Then I think "nobody's gonna read this, it's too damn long," then I realize I've just answered my own dilemma by writing it all out, so it feels moot to post. So I just give up, delete the whole thing, and post this instead. 

Also, kamello, I think each member is only entitled to something like 2 or 3 tags, so you gotta remove one if you wanna use it elsewhere... so we see some memorable ones go every now and then.


----------



## Kanye

I never expected to find a thread like this on here.....this is cute as .....

Kanye approves 

carry on.....


----------



## Alberto7

Wtf


----------



## kamello

Alberto7 said:


> I always start writing something on this thread thinking "I'll keep it short and concise," and end up with 7 paragraphs. Then I think "nobody's gonna read this, it's too damn long," then I realize I've just answered my own dilemma by writing it all out, so it feels moot to post. So I just give up, delete the whole thing, and post this instead.
> 
> Also, kamello, I think each member is only entitled to something like 2 or 3 tags, so you gotta remove one if you wanna use it elsewhere... so we see some memorable ones go every now and then.



update us man 

haven't hear about you in a while <3 (well, I've payed very little atention to the forum too, between music and university) 
also, the tags from last year were golden


----------



## Alberto7

Basically a girl from my martial arts classes that I've known for quite a while but with whom only recently I started to really connect on a personal level. I'm very reluctant to date her, even though it makes nothing but sense that we do. We talk and text all day every day, we both flirt with each other all the time, we both do together something we deeply love, we have many other shared interests, and we spend a lot of time together (mostly in training). However, my training is too important for me to let other things potentially ruin it. She's also 6 years younger than I am (I'm 26, she's 20). It's also funny because, physically speaking, she's not my type. She isn't bad looking by any means, but I normally wouldn't consider it based on that alone; I didn't the first year and a half I knew her.

It's all good though, I'm not really emotionally invested, so I'm okay with it if it doesn't work.

There. I guess I managed to condense it in a single paragraph.


----------



## Ibanezsam4

Alberto7 said:


> Basically a girl from my martial arts classes that I've known for quite a while but with whom only recently I started to really connect on a personal level. I'm very reluctant to date her, even though it makes nothing but sense that we do. We talk and text all day every day, we both flirt with each other all the time, we both do together something we deeply love, we have many other shared interests, and we spend a lot of time together (mostly in training). However, my training is too important for me to let other things potentially ruin it. She's also 6 years younger than I am (I'm 26, she's 20). It's also funny because, physically speaking, she's not my type. She isn't bad looking by any means, but I normally wouldn't consider it based on that alone; I didn't the first year and a half I knew her.
> 
> It's all good though, I'm not really emotionally invested, so I'm okay with it if it doesn't work.
> 
> There. I guess I managed to condense it in a single paragraph.



given your past posts this martial arts class seems to be a lady goldmine lol


----------



## Alberto7

I see why you'd say that. She's about the third one I consider more seriously, really  they come and go. We get about 20-30 newbies every semester, and few stay for more than a couple of months, so we cycle through a lot of people. Thing is, that's where I meet like 50% of the people I know today, because it's all I do and because I do not miss an event.  Also, as seniors and as part of training, we have duties to fulfill, and so we are explicitly asked to take care of all the new people. But the ones I've been interested in have stuck around for at least a year... save for that one Japanese exchange student two summers ago, who I just dated because it slipped from her roommate that she liked me and so we went out for like 2-3 weeks before she went back to Japan.  At least now I have a place to stay in when I visit Tokyo. 

The savate class right after ours though... my God do I sometimes wish I had joined that one. They cycle through like 60 people every semester and some of their girls are downright breathtaking.


----------



## ASoC

Local sad sack here again. I spent another sleepless night dwelling on the only person that I've ever truly cared for. 

I'm a super closed off person and it's insanely rare for me to find someone that I could share everything and spend endless amounts of time with. I've met/gone out/fooled around with a bunch of different girls in the past 2 years but I just can't get over this girl.

It's gotten so bad that it's changing me as a person. I've always been the type to stare into space and just use my brain as a playground, reliving the best moments of my life and dreaming of things to do, but now that I'm missing my best friend there are places I just can't go in my own head. After all this time I just miss her, and I miss her like crazy. I can't get her out of my head no matter what I try, and anything that reminds me of her instantly sets off the waterworks. Her name casually drifts across my consciousness all the time and I end up involuntarily thinking about her every day. She was everything I could have ever hoped for in another human being and I thought she saw me the same way, but she obviously didn't. I've resigned myself to fighting through each day, constantly making a futile effort to keep her out of my thoughts. I don't see it ever ending, unless enough time goes by that I become totally numb or I meet someone else that enraptures me in every way and makes me forget about everything.

The only thing I can think to do is talk to her and try and make her understand how I feel. I tried so many times when we were together but I didn't have a full understanding of just how far I would be willing to go for her. I'm not a gambling man, because I don't believe in leaving things to chance if I can help it. But if she called me and asked me to take a risk on her I would do it in a heartbeat every time, because she's worth it to me. I just need her to tell me that it's what she wants. I would call her right now and do it, but the rational part of my brain tells me that there isn't a point. She's with someone else. I could sit and try and explain all the little things that I love about her and how willing I am to face the world and face all of my anxieties just to be with her until I'm blue in the face, but it wouldn't make a lick of difference if she doesn't want to be with me. It doesn't matter that I love her and that I've been crazy about her since we met, because I can't make her want me. It's completely maddening to just have sections of my brain be off limits if I want to maintain composure. It drives me crazy to have so little control over the one aspect of my life that I really want a certain way. Almost everything about my future would be negotiable if I could just share it with her.


----------



## ThePIGI King

ASoC said:


> Local sad sack here again. I spent another sleepless night dwelling on the only person that I've ever truly cared for.
> 
> I'm a super closed off person and it's insanely rare for me to find someone that I could share everything and spend endless amounts of time with. I've met/gone out/fooled around with a bunch of different girls in the past 2 years but I just can't get over this girl.
> 
> It's gotten so bad that it's changing me as a person. I've always been the type to stare into space and just use my brain as a playground, reliving the best moments of my life and dreaming of things to do, but now that I'm missing my best friend there are places I just can't go in my own head. After all this time I just miss her, and I miss her like crazy. I can't get her out of my head no matter what I try, and anything that reminds me of her instantly sets off the waterworks. Her name casually drifts across my consciousness all the time and I end up involuntarily thinking about her every day. She was everything I could have ever hoped for in another human being and I thought she saw me the same way, but she obviously didn't. I've resigned myself to fighting through each day, constantly making a futile effort to keep her out of my thoughts. I don't see it ever ending, unless enough time goes by that I become totally numb or I meet someone else that enraptures me in every way and makes me forget about everything.



Some advice from me, so take it with a grain of salt.

After me and a girl I really cared about split, I found myself dreaming about her every night and I would think about her nonstop unless something was actively engaging my mind constantly. It really felt bad, so I feel for you man and hope you can get through this. I learned that I couldn't let a single person control my entire world, no matter how much she meant to me. Like, heard the saying "Don't put all your eggs in one basket"? Same thing applies here.

I'm not saying get over her and stop complaining, cause that's not what you need to hear. I'm saying that just try to take your emotional eggs and take some of them from this girls' basket, and put them in other baskets. Sorry I'm bad with advice and words.


My own dilemma, I dated this girl twice, both times she left me. The first time she said it was a mistake, the second she hasn't said anything about. We split for the second time in early August 2016. I had a different girlfriend for 3 months until the first of December. Well now me and my ex that left me in August have been talking for about a month now, and I'm unsure what to do. I love this girl, I know that much. But after being left twice by her I'm not sure if trying for a third time is a huge mistake or not.


----------



## p0ke

Time for some happy stuff for a change! 
I proposed to my girlfriend on new year's, and she said yes  So, wedding coming up


----------



## russmuller

p0ke said:


> Time for some happy stuff for a change!
> I proposed to my girlfriend on new year's, and she said yes  So, wedding coming up



Congratulations, man!!!!


----------



## BrailleDecibel

^^Ditto to the congratulations, p0ke! Knock 'em dead! 


I've actually got some good news of my own to share in this thread for once lol...I'm not comfortable sharing a ton of details yet, but just know that I am deeply in love with a beautiful woman who loves me back just the same and gets me in such a complete and total way that it's almost scary, happier than I've been in years, and I am finally at peace inside. That last part especially is more important than I can even begin to express, and I'm sure that many of you who have read my posts over the years on this forum know how absolutely huge this is for me. I am currently writing a song for this girl, and just recorded the music to it last night, with vocals to come. I swear I am not trying to plug my music in a thread it shouldn't be plugged in, I just wanted to show you guys that even the music I write is happier-sounding now.  Thank all of you guys, whether we've only passed a few words, or if you're one of the chatroom regulars I talk to on a daily basis, for being here for me to talk to before this girl came along. It's much appreciated. 


https://soundcloud.com/brailledecibel/killing-the-worm


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Man that's awesome ^^^. happy for you, man. Best of luck to the both of you.


----------



## BrailleDecibel

Thanks man, I had a feeling you'd be one of the first to reply to this lol.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

lol. It's just really cool that you feel this way and it's so apparent that you're feelings are genuine. You're both fortunate and I truly hope it lasts a lifetime. Sometimes takes a lotta years and a lotta failed relationships to reach this plateau as we all know. Such a great feeling to get to this point in a relationship. Cheers to you both!


----------



## BrailleDecibel

It really did take a lot to get here for both of us, but now that we're here, neither of us could be happier...it's pretty freakin' epic, dude.  Thank you for your well-wishes, man!


----------



## russmuller

Well it's been a while since my last update. The psycho ex dipped back into my life for a week or two when we ran into each other at the AAL/Intervals/Plini show. Of course, that was predictably disastrous. I think I finally convinced her to stop bothering me under the pretense of seeking closure.

In a strange twist, I have developed pretty strong feelings for someone unexpected. She and I are in a private FB group for sharing highly offensive and graphic content. She first popped up on my radar about a year and a half ago because her wit was right on my level. Our comments back and forth sometimes got flirtatious, but nothing serious. She lives very far away, I wasn't physically attracted to her based on her FB photos, and I was dating the psycho ex at the time (before I knew how crazy she was). So memes and comments was the extent of it for over a year.

But somewhere over the summer I decided to send her a friend request anyway and get to know her better. We started chatting, and over the course of the past 6 months we went from acquaintances, to friends, to close friends, to really really liking each other. She's still far away (lives in nowheresville Montana), but the more I've gotten to know her the more attractive she is to me. So there's going to be some travel in the near future to meet in person.

I know long distance relationships rarely work, but relocation is a bridge I'd cross if I came to it. We're not dropping L-bombs or anything. We want to see what it's like actually spending time together in real life before we call it a relationship, but it's been good for me psychologically to connect with someone again and I'm excited to see where this goes.


----------



## BrailleDecibel

russmuller said:


> Well it's been a while since my last update. The psycho ex dipped back into my life for a week or two when we ran into each other at the AAL/Intervals/Plini show. Of course, that was predictably disastrous. I think I finally convinced her to stop bothering me under the pretense of seeking closure.
> 
> In a strange twist, I have developed pretty strong feelings for someone unexpected. She and I are in a private FB group for sharing highly offensive and graphic content. She first popped up on my radar about a year and a half ago because her wit was right on my level. Our comments back and forth sometimes got flirtatious, but nothing serious. She lives very far away, I wasn't physically attracted to her based on her FB photos, and I was dating the psycho ex at the time (before I knew how crazy she was). So memes and comments was the extent of it for over a year.
> 
> But somewhere over the summer I decided to send her a friend request anyway and get to know her better. We started chatting, and over the course of the past 6 months we went from acquaintances, to friends, to close friends, to really really liking each other. She's still far away (lives in nowheresville Montana), but the more I've gotten to know her the more attractive she is to me. So there's going to be some travel in the near future to meet in person.
> 
> I know long distance relationships rarely work, but relocation is a bridge I'd cross if I came to it. We're not dropping L-bombs or anything. We want to see what it's like actually spending time together in real life before we call it a relationship, but it's been good for me psychologically to connect with someone again and I'm excited to see where this goes.



.... YES MAN.  Congrats!


----------



## Captain Shoggoth

so much happiness in this thread!

I'll add some of my own, things are going really well with me and my girlfriend. Went and stayed at hers for New Year's, met her family who apparently liked me, and a bunch of her friends, who also did, which is a really nice feeling. I have an open invitation from her mum to stay over again  

we dropped L-bombs a little while ago, we've not been together the longest time and I'd certainly be skeptical of someone in my position saying that, but it feels right. I'd had literally constant rejection from anyone I was ever interested in, and she had poor relationships, particularly a really toxic 3-year one with another girl after which she was single for 2 years until we met, and had assumed she was better off on her own. But neither of us have ever felt like this before, and we connect on every level, from spiritual outlook/family values to the stupid silly .... we joke about (not to mention she's ....ing gorgeous, and thinks I am too, for whatever reason )

I'm in a happy place. Whatever happens or wherever this goes or doesn't go, I'm happy, and I have hope. Everyone's gonna make it, brahs. We're all gonna make it




p0ke said:


> Time for some happy stuff for a change!
> I proposed to my girlfriend on new year's, and she said yes  So, wedding coming up



congrats man! hope you have a lovely future together



BrailleDecibel said:


> ^^Ditto to the congratulations, p0ke! Knock 'em dead!
> 
> 
> I've actually got some good news of my own to share in this thread for once lol...I'm not comfortable sharing a ton of details yet, but just know that I am deeply in love with a beautiful woman who loves me back just the same and gets me in such a complete and total way that it's almost scary, happier than I've been in years, and I am finally at peace inside. That last part especially is more important than I can even begin to express, and I'm sure that many of you who have read my posts over the years on this forum know how absolutely huge this is for me. I am currently writing a song for this girl, and just recorded the music to it last night, with vocals to come. I swear I am not trying to plug my music in a thread it shouldn't be plugged in, I just wanted to show you guys that even the music I write is happier-sounding now.  Thank all of you guys, whether we've only passed a few words, or if you're one of the chatroom regulars I talk to on a daily basis, for being here for me to talk to before this girl came along. It's much appreciated.
> 
> 
> https://soundcloud.com/brailledecibel/killing-the-worm



man that sounds ace, and the song is cool. not entirely my usual thing but it is nice 




russmuller said:


> Well it's been a while since my last update. The psycho ex dipped back into my life for a week or two when we ran into each other at the AAL/Intervals/Plini show. Of course, that was predictably disastrous. I think I finally convinced her to stop bothering me under the pretense of seeking closure.
> 
> In a strange twist, I have developed pretty strong feelings for someone unexpected. She and I are in a private FB group for sharing highly offensive and graphic content. She first popped up on my radar about a year and a half ago because her wit was right on my level. Our comments back and forth sometimes got flirtatious, but nothing serious. She lives very far away, I wasn't physically attracted to her based on her FB photos, and I was dating the psycho ex at the time (before I knew how crazy she was). So memes and comments was the extent of it for over a year.
> 
> But somewhere over the summer I decided to send her a friend request anyway and get to know her better. We started chatting, and over the course of the past 6 months we went from acquaintances, to friends, to close friends, to really really liking each other. She's still far away (lives in nowheresville Montana), but the more I've gotten to know her the more attractive she is to me. So there's going to be some travel in the near future to meet in person.
> 
> I know long distance relationships rarely work, but relocation is a bridge I'd cross if I came to it. We're not dropping L-bombs or anything. We want to see what it's like actually spending time together in real life before we call it a relationship, but it's been good for me psychologically to connect with someone again and I'm excited to see where this goes.



yessss! good stuff man. yeah, leave that ex stuff behind


----------



## Ibanezsam4

nice to know the pendulum has swung the other direction in this thread


----------



## BrailleDecibel

I hate to be "that guy", but my relationship has suddenly ended. Again, not gonna air a lot of dirty laundry here, but it was for the best, as it was a toxic situation for both of us in the end despite how great it seemed at the start. But I am just gonna soldier on and keep my head up and keep making music, so I guess I am not totally "that guy", if you get me...staying positive here...


----------



## russmuller

BrailleDecibel said:


> I hate to be "that guy", but my relationship has suddenly ended. Again, not gonna air a lot of dirty laundry here, but it was for the best, as it was a toxic situation for both of us in the end despite how great it seemed at the start. But I am just gonna soldier on and keep my head up and keep making music, so I guess I am not totally "that guy", if you get me...staying positive here...



Sorry to hear that, man. But if it's for the best, it sounds like you're on the right track.


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

Broke up with my girl yesterday, and she isn't taking it as well as I expected. 
We're co-workers. When we started this whole thing we both made it very clear to each other that this was a casual thing, and if it worked, great; but we weren't *super invested*. If anything, she framed it like she was the one that was likely to leave me, and didn't want *my* feelings to get hurt.
About 6 months later, I realize I don't actually _love _this girl, I just really enjoy her company, and I should probably end things soon because she's started to get very serious and I don't want to have to do the awkward 'pretend' routine, you know? Like once you've figured it out, you've figured it out. 

I mean I know breaking up always sucks and everyone here has probably had to do something like this at least once. Just sucks because I do really like her and feel really bad, not to mention we still need to work together and she is clearly quite upset. 
Nothing spectacular really, just kinda needed to vent for a bit.


----------



## TedEH

^ Sounds to me like you did the right thing. Hopefully continuing to work together won't be too big of an issue.


----------



## neotronic

I just leave this here: https://logological.org/girlfriend


----------



## UnderTheSign

Great, that ones been dragged up and posted all over reddit


----------



## ftr

Most of you might not remember, but the infamous ex of last year sent me a text yesterday asking if I was going to see Alcest next week. It was so weird and unexpected seeing a text from her. It has been a year since we last talked at all. She just sends a text out of no where casually asking if I am going to a show after a year of not talking. Who knows what it means, but one thing I do know, is that I am not going to reply. Haha, does she actually think I am going to respond to that?


----------



## Ibanezsam4

ftr said:


> Most of you probably don't remember or might not give af, but the infamous ex of last year sent me a text yesterday asking if I was going to see Alcest next week. It was so weird and unexpected seeing a text from her. It has been a year since we last talked at all. She just sends a text out of no where casually asking if I am going to a show after a year of not talking. Who knows what it means, but one thing I do know, is that I am not going to reply. Haha, does she actually think I am going to respond to that?



i'll go to Alcest with you. I'm a married dude, but they're on my bucket list


----------



## Gravy Train

Hey all, I have been seeing this girl for almost a month now and she is absolutely amazing. My thing is, I was cheated on before and I just have a fear that I'll get hurt again (which is always a possibility). I just feel like it might be too good to be true..? We both like each other a lot, so I ask: Am I just being paranoid? Or are things this good usually too good to be true? Trying to not make myself go crazy here.


----------



## TheHandOfStone

Gravy Train said:


> Hey all, I have been seeing this girl for almost a month now and she is absolutely amazing. My thing is, I was cheated on before and I just have a fear that I'll get hurt again (which is always a possibility). I just feel like it might be too good to be true..? We both like each other a lot, so I ask: Am I just being paranoid? Or are things this good usually too good to be true? Trying to not make myself go crazy here.


It _might_ be too good to be true, but for most people, loving and getting hurt is better than spending life alone. Don't be naive, but don't live in fear of betrayal either.


----------



## flint757

TheHandOfStone said:


> It _might_ be too good to be true, but for most people, *loving and getting hurt is better than spending life alone*. Don't be naive, but don't live in fear of betrayal either.



As someone with way more mobility and freedom than my married friends and my friends with children I disagree. 

Being single is life on easy mode. Not having to capitulate to other people's will is quite nice.


----------



## Gravy Train

TheHandOfStone said:


> It _might_ be too good to be true, but for most people, loving and getting hurt is better than spending life alone. Don't be naive, but don't live in fear of betrayal either.



Thank you, that makes sense. I appreciate your words.


----------



## MFB

flint757 said:


> Being single is life on easy mode. Not having to capitulate to other people's will is quite nice.



This.

99.999% of my choices affect only myself at the end of the day, so not having to navigate someone else's feelings and life situations makes everything MUCH easier.

That said, I've grown pretty bored of that ease and I know a good chunk of my decision to be single is out of not wanting someone else to have the power to hurt me, I'd rather just not even give them the option by keeping them out; which isn't healthy at all.


----------



## Gravy Train

MFB said:


> This.
> 
> 99.999% of my choices affect only myself at the end of the day, so not having to navigate someone else's feelings and life situations makes everything MUCH easier.
> 
> That said, I've grown pretty bored of that ease and I know a good chunk of my decision to be single is out of not wanting someone else to have the power to hurt me, I'd rather just not even give them the option by keeping them out; which isn't healthy at all.



I know what you mean. But I do think there is someone out there for everyone, even if it takes a lifetime to meet them. I'm going to take things nice and easy and see where it goes!


----------



## Maybrick

Gravy Train said:


> I know what you mean. But I do think there is someone out there for everyone, even if it takes a lifetime to meet them. I'm going to take things nice and easy and see where it goes!



Thats the correct attitude to have.

Problem with other peoples attitudes of "It's easier to be alone because I dont have to keep someone happy" or similar is they were doing it wrong in the first place. In a relationship you shouldnt have to ever be trying to keep someone happy. Things work out when you're not actively 'trying', it just comes naturally. 

Best advice I can give you if you get with this girl is just make sure you keep time to do things you enjoy. Whether its playing an instrument, video games (within reason), going to the gym or whatever. 

I read something a few months ago where someone said your partner should never be the focus of your life, they should compliment it.


----------



## TedEH

Maybrick said:


> Problem with other peoples attitudes of "It's easier to be alone because I dont have to keep someone happy" or similar is they were doing it wrong in the first place. In a relationship you shouldnt have to ever be trying to keep someone happy. Things work out when you're not actively 'trying', it just comes naturally. [...]
> I read something a few months ago where someone said your partner should never be the focus of your life, they should compliment it.



It's a nice ideal, but I can't agree entirely with it. I mean, yeah, find people that compliment your life as opposed to just fitting any ol' person in because you don't want to be single- but relationships do need work and time and focus and all of that stuff. Otherwise healthy relationships can and do break down if one or both people never put any work into it. Additionally, the extra work and focus of being in a relationship at all might be the very stuff that stops any relationship from being complimentary to someone's life in the first place. It doesn't mean it should be difficult work- arguably it should be easy or enjoyable most of the time, but not always, and it's still something you have to do.

I know that after splitting up with people, it's difficult to avoid pinning all the flaws from that situation at the other person, but I can recognize that a lot of where I went wrong in previous relationships involved failing to invest the kind of time and focus on the partnership that it needed, as opposed to just checking the "yup, I've got a partner" box and going back to focusing on myself after that. I think the idea of wanting to focus on yourself instead of another person is legitimate. I've made vast improvements to my health, my mood, character, musical skills, work skills, etc., in the last year that I could have only done as a single person. I needed that personal time and focus without anyone else to really make any serious progress in a number of parts of my life. Things I've bought, lifestyle changes I've experimented with, people I've spent time with, I went on a short tour, etc.- a lot of it just would have never happened.

I know I'm getting farther and farther from my point BUT while I'm in a vaguely rant-y mood-
Going off into talking-about-random-nonsense territory....

I've been getting frustrated lately with this weird pattern I've been seeing - in which anyone I might have an interest in is attractive to me, in part, because they don't need me, but because they don't need me there's little drive to spend any time together - then inversely, I keep having these conversations with people who seem very driven to build some kind of connection because they seem to believe they have a need for another person in order to fix their issues, and that idea really pushes me away.

At one point in my life I would have said "oh hey! Random lady on the internet is giving me some attention!" and that would be awesome, and I wouldn't think twice about it - but after engaging in a number of these conversations about how they're depressed and unemployed and sad, it occurs to me at some point that, for at least some of these people, there's this sort of left-un-stated but implied idea that if they can build a relationship with someone, then that will fix their depression somehow. Then once that's fixed, they can get a job and move out and follow their dreams etc etc etc.

And it's not going to work. For two reasons - one is that I have zero interest (and I'm sure most other people are the same) in taking on another persons issues, and putting yourself out there with "hi, I'm depressed, please love me?!?!" is extremely unattractive IMO. But more importantly, relationships don't fix the issues you have as a single person. They don't fix depression or self-image issues, etc. These are things you have to work on as an individual, regardless of whether or not you're single. That's not to say that other people can't help you, but that's not what relationships are for. Sometimes being in a relationship (or thinking that you need to be in one) is impeding your self-help.

Edit: sorry for the ranty wall of text.


----------



## Gravy Train

Maybrick said:


> Thats the correct attitude to have.
> 
> Problem with other peoples attitudes of "It's easier to be alone because I dont have to keep someone happy" or similar is they were doing it wrong in the first place. In a relationship you shouldnt have to ever be trying to keep someone happy. Things work out when you're not actively 'trying', it just comes naturally.
> 
> Best advice I can give you if you get with this girl is just make sure you keep time to do things you enjoy. Whether its playing an instrument, video games (within reason), going to the gym or whatever.
> 
> I read something a few months ago where someone said your partner should never be the focus of your life, they should compliment it.



I would have to agree completely on your last sentence. This is something I've learned the hard way over the years (and something I see my younger brothers struggling with). I guess we really only get perspective when we're out of the relationship and have the peace of mind to reflect on the past.


----------



## Maybrick

TedEH said:


> It's a nice ideal, but I can't agree entirely with it. I mean, yeah, find people that compliment your life as opposed to just fitting any ol' person in because you don't want to be single- but relationships do need work and time and focus and all of that stuff. Otherwise healthy relationships can and do break down if one or both people never put any work into it. Additionally, the extra work and focus of being in a relationship at all might be the very stuff that stops any relationship from being complimentary to someone's life in the first place. It doesn't mean it should be difficult work- arguably it should be easy or enjoyable most of the time, but not always, and it's still something you have to do.



Yeah I understand what you mean, relationships need work or effort put in but I think that work or effort should only really come down to what plans you fancy making with your partner at the weekend for example. I'm going to the Cinema tonight with my girlfriend after work, the effort in this example was we decided what to do, both thought of the cinema as a nice idea then what film we both wanted to see. Work shouldnt go to the point where you're thinking "...., what should I do this weekend to make my girlfriend happy". When I was with my ex I was that really awful cringe worthy guy where I kept trying to plan loads and loads of different things that I thought would keep her happy but to the extent where I was worrying, thinking "Will she like this? Will she like that?" in a panicky sense. All my plans revolved around what would make her happy, even if it was god awful events or trips that I'd hate. Relationships should never get to the point where you're getting worked up like this, planning stuff should come naturally and benefit you both. 



TedEH said:


> I know that after splitting up with people, it's difficult to avoid pinning all the flaws from that situation at the other person, but I can recognize that a lot of where I went wrong in previous relationships involved failing to invest the kind of time and focus on the partnership that it needed, as opposed to just checking the "yup, I've got a partner" box and going back to focusing on myself after that. I think the idea of wanting to focus on yourself instead of another person is legitimate. I've made vast improvements to my health, my mood, character, musical skills, work skills, etc., in the last year that I could have only done as a single person. I needed that personal time and focus without anyone else to really make any serious progress in a number of parts of my life. Things I've bought, lifestyle changes I've experimented with, people I've spent time with, I went on a short tour, etc.- a lot of it just would have never happened.



Totally agree and getting in a relationship will obviously reduce stuff like that but you do have to make the conscious decision when you get in a relationship about what areas are going to suffer, what area's you're going to stick to and so forth. For example I was going to the gym 5 days a week for about a year and a half between my ex and my now gf. Now I'm with my current gf whom I'm living with now (only within the last few months), I dont go to the gym as much as I'm spending more time during the week with her. Time spent playing video games has reduced but instead, I'm still making it clear to her that I'm spending evenings in the week playing guitar and time at the weekends too because thats my passion and she knows that. Unfortunately its the sucky side of growing up and being an adult, its understanding that THE most important thing in your life is time and how you spend it. 





TedEH said:


> I've been getting frustrated lately with this weird pattern I've been seeing - in which anyone I might have an interest in is attractive to me, in part, because they don't need me, but because they don't need me there's little drive to spend any time together - then inversely, I keep having these conversations with people who seem very driven to build some kind of connection because they seem to believe they have a need for another person in order to fix their issues, and that idea really pushes me away.
> 
> At one point in my life I would have said "oh hey! Random lady on the internet is giving me some attention!" and that would be awesome, and I wouldn't think twice about it - but after engaging in a number of these conversations about how they're depressed and unemployed and sad, it occurs to me at some point that, for at least some of these people, there's this sort of left-un-stated but implied idea that if they can build a relationship with someone, then that will fix their depression somehow. Then once that's fixed, they can get a job and move out and follow their dreams etc etc etc.
> 
> And it's not going to work. For two reasons - one is that I have zero interest (and I'm sure most other people are the same) in taking on another persons issues, and putting yourself out there with "hi, I'm depressed, please love me?!?!" is extremely unattractive IMO. But more importantly, relationships don't fix the issues you have as a single person. They don't fix depression or self-image issues, etc. These are things you have to work on as an individual, regardless of whether or not you're single. That's not to say that other people can't help you, but that's not what relationships are for. Sometimes being in a relationship (or thinking that you need to be in one) is impeding your self-help.



Yes! I made this mistake with my ex who I was with for about 3 and a half year (which was horrid, but then most people say that about their ex's right?!) I also read something that illustrates this as a very big issue in relationships, especially for guys. It talked about how certain guys (like myself at the time) would look at girls in the situation you described as being 'project girls' in that, you look at them and want to help and get in a relationship to help them. My ex was unhappy with her body, her life etc but there were certain qualities of her that I liked at the time. Problem was, I think I was more invested in 'helping someone' which is why I got with her rather than 'she is hot, has all these qualities, I can definitely build a stable relationship out of this'. You do help certain aspects of their life and then they do move on like you say, or (like what happened to me) which is the more realistic outcome is that after about a year or so I realised that I was naive but didnt want to admit that I had made a huge mistake. Obvious as it is to say, you need to find someone who is happy with themselves before you get in a relationship as it'll just bring you down otherwise. 

The classic case of a girl thinking their fat (whether they genuinely think it or their just fishing for compliments) is not worth getting in a relationship with. If they arent happy it just rubs off on you and at the end of the day, you need to look out for number one.




Gravy Train said:


> I would have to agree completely on your last sentence. This is something I've learned the hard way over the years (and something I see my younger brothers struggling with). I guess we really only get perspective when we're out of the relationship and have the peace of mind to reflect on the past.



Yep - its exactly how I learnt too.


----------



## Gravy Train

She spent the whole weekend at my place and we had a great time throughout. We are now "official", haha. This is my first relationship in almost a year and I am looking forward to seeing where it goes! I think it definitely helped that we hung out and went on dates for a little over a month and a half before making it serious!


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## Maybrick

Gravy Train said:


> She spent the whole weekend at my place and we had a great time throughout. We are now "official", haha. This is my first relationship in almost a year and I am looking forward to seeing where it goes! I think it definitely helped that we hung out and went on dates for a little over a month and a half before making it serious!



Good job lad.


----------



## squids

well tomorrow is the ol 2 years with my girlfriend. things definitely have their ups and downs (she had a major vascular surgery last year and was recovering for several months), but im happy that none of it has taken too big of a toll on our relationship, and things are still going strong! (plus she buys me random gear that i always end up stoked on)
i'm in pharmacy school so i dont get breaks too often but we're going away for the weekend tonight and i'm real excited!
just thought i'd share some happiness haha.


----------



## chassless

Edit: whatever.


----------



## ATOMICxTomato

if someone, who knows you have feelings for them, keeps telling you that you're the type of person they would be with, yet they are in a relationship pretty much just playing with my emotions? Or trying to keep met at bay incase her relationship doesn't work? Or is it some kind of hint? Almost everyday I see her she has some kind of complain about her boyfriend, wether he is being moody or annoying or whatever.

So this chick started working at my job sometime last year, but I did't ever meet her til black friday. Ever since then we would text/talk pretty much every day. She opened up pretty quick about herself and so did I, which I never do. She is pretty awesome. Like you know when you meet that one person that you can talk to endlessly and never feel awkward, no matter what the subject is, thats what she's like. We've hung out a couple of times and its always a good time, even though the whole time she was in a relationship. And was actually dating some other guy that works there. They are still together, and me and her have a really good relationship with each other, but Im not the kind of person that will try to break up a relationship between two people. So for me naturally i'd just try to move on, but its not easy since I know I get pretty attached. Ive slowly stopped texting her and everything, even though she is the one who usually text first. But I feel like she may just be stringing me along. Am I right or wrong?

Also on a good note, this other chick who Ive been crushing on for quite some time but felt she wasn't interested in me, have started talking again, and have hung out abit. So yesterday we were supposed to hang out in the afternoon but she couldn't make it cause she had to baby sit. Well I ended up going out with a couple of friends and got semi wasted lol. Ended up drunk texting her and told her I actually liked for more than a friend and wanted to know if she would ever date me. To my surprise she texted me back in the morning and was surprised herself, because she never thought that I saw her that way, but she would definitely . Guess I should have asked much sooner hahaha. So I think its really time to let the other chick go, and give this a shot. I haven't ever actually been in a relationship so its kind of intimidating, but im naturally shy. Good thing is we are pretty close friends so it could maybe give me and edge, maybe lol.


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## TedEH

ATOMICxTomato said:


> keeps telling you that you're the type of person they would be with, yet they are in a relationship pretty much just playing with my emotions?


Run from this.



> To my surprise she texted me back in the morning and was surprised herself, because she never thought that I saw her that way, but she would definitely


While you're running, head in this general direction.


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## ATOMICxTomato

TedEH said:


> Run from this.
> 
> 
> While you're running, head in this general direction.



Was thinking the same lol. Well lets see how this goes 

Edit:
So Turns out this other chick is "talking" to someone else at the moment or else she would give me a chance. So that kinda sucked cause I got my hopes up for a bit but I'll be ok. So my search continues lol


----------



## Gravy Train

My girlfriend is acting weird these past couple of days. Kind of distant, not texting back like she usually does (very un-engaged) and just acting very out of character lately. I'm trying not to let it get to me, but this is how my last ex started acting before she cheated on me and broke up with me.. She keeps saying she's fine/okay, but I have some trust issues and I'm trying not to let them consume me


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## TedEH

Gravy Train said:


> couple of days.


I wouldn't be worried about a couple of days, people go through all kinds of things, could just be some bad days. Maybe sounds obvious, but have you asked? A simple 'hey, is everything alright' might give you answers.



Gravy Train said:


> but I have some trust issues and I'm trying not to let them consume me


This is the part I'd be worried about. A couple of bad days won't destroy a solid relationship, but trust issues definitely can.


----------



## Gravy Train

TedEH said:


> I wouldn't be worried about a couple of days, people go through all kinds of things, could just be some bad days. Maybe sounds obvious, but have you asked? A simple 'hey, is everything alright' might give you answers.
> 
> 
> This is the part I'd be worried about. A couple of bad days won't destroy a solid relationship, but trust issues definitely can.



Yeah, I asked and she says she is okay. I believe her, it's just been an insane week so we're both on a edge a little I think.. 

I do trust her, it's just that thought sometimes rears its head sometimes, but I'm getting better of letting it go. Thanks for your words


----------



## chassless

People of SSO who are more mature than me, how can i learn not to let any girl i meet and fall for to become my entire world, and the purpose of my existence and everything i do?


----------



## High Plains Drifter

nvm...


----------



## MFB

chassless said:


> People of SSO who are more mature than me, how can i learn not to let any girl i meet and fall for to become my entire world, and the purpose of my existence and everything i do?



You can do what I do and never bother trying to date anyone, ever. Then_ you_ become your whole word, whether you like it or not.

It's not the best of plans, that much I'm sure of.


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## TedEH

^ I think the takeaway should be that, yeah, _you_ should be your whole world. It's the whole "love yourself first" thing. Doesn't mean you have to stop dating. Just prioritize being happy on your own first.

The trick is to ask yourself why you're doing it in the first place. Are you making another person the focus of your life in order to avoid focusing on something that otherwise would be making you unhappy? Then you need to address that other thing.


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## MFB

TedEH said:


> ^ I think the takeaway should be that, yeah, _you_ should be your whole world. It's the whole "love yourself first" thing. Doesn't mean you have to stop dating. Just prioritize being happy on your own first



That's the part I've never achieved, since I've never felt like I was worth something to myself - so how can I expect someone else to value me? Not sure where it comes from really, unless you count a life-time of mediocrity and settling for average; which makes changing it 10x harder when you just have this core belief of "Eh, I'm not really anything special."

Someone once said it can sometimes take another person to show us our worth, but I don't really buy into that idea either.


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## TedEH

MFB said:


> core belief of "Eh, I'm not really anything special."



You can simultaneously hold a core belief of "I'm not really anything special" at the same time as "but neither is anyone else, so it's a non-issue".


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## flint757

TedEH said:


> You can simultaneously hold a core belief of "I'm not really anything special" at the same time as "but neither is anyone else, so it's a non-issue".



There's something to be said for being content. I used to, and occasionally do still, beat myself up for my lack of accomplishments. In some respects we set our kids up for failure when we tell them they can do all these things they will likely never be able to do due to lack of money or job scarcity. For some it adds the notion that life has no meaning if you aren't special, remembered, or changing the world. The reason Nordic countries consistently rank as the happiest countries in the world is because they are happy being content with the now. I've been trying to live that way over the last year and it does help. Being okay with being average, when an average only exists because most people are average, is something almost everyone who isn't named Bezos, Musk, Gates, etc. eventually has to come to terms with. Most of us will inevitably be cogs in the wheel and only remembered by our families. Once we accept that reality IMO being happy is a lot more plausible (removes the resentment and disappointment). In truth, the Elon Musk's of the world I doubt are all that happy. People like him tend to never be satisfied, which is largely why they are so successful (always itching for more).

For myself, I was never satisfied because even when I improved I'd just look at the best-of-the-best and convince myself I wasn't doing enough. The whole 'there's always going to be someone better than you' thing. That mentality sets happiness aside for a future date that may never come, and even when it does your brain will likely create another obstacle/reason for why it's still not enough. You got to break the cycle.


----------



## Semi-pro

chassless said:


> People of SSO who are more mature than me, how can i learn not to let any girl i meet and fall for to become my entire world, and the purpose of my existence and everything i do?



Realize that you're living your life for yourself. Do not compromise your goals and dreams. Then find someone who is ok with that and the time that you've got left to spend with her. My wife rarely nags about the lack of couple time. It's because she likes to do stuff on her own too. Of course all relationships have challenges too, but in general our attention-to-space ratio is quite similar, and that seems to be a good portion of what keeps us happy.

Avoid clingy girls at all cost!!!


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## youngthrasher9

So in the past four days:

I joined tinder
I started talking to a couple different girls on tinder
And finally, asked out the girl at work who I actually liked to begin with. (I tried taking "don't dip your pen in company ink" advice, wasn't working)

She said yes. Haven't set aside a day yet though.


----------



## Simic

I apologize for the incoherent wall of text that is about to follow but here it goes:

My girlfriend of almost 3 years broke up a week ago. I'm 23, she's 24. We are schoolmates and will be for 2 and a half more years (we study Medicine). I was her second _long _ relationship and she was my first which is also why I don't know if the things I'm feeling right now are normal or not 

The day we broke up she asked me what was wrong because I was acting 'off' for the last week or so and I just told her the truth - I wasn't happy in my life. We had a very emotional talk that lasted about 4 hours and then decided it's best to end it. I've had another 2 hours conversation 3 days later with her and we reached the same conclusion.

I have very mixed feelings about what happened though. On one hand I was the one that suggested that we end it (although the end decision was kind of mutual) but I didnt really have a good reason for it other than me not being happy with _myself_ and the direction in which my life was going rather than not being happy with her as a partner and a person. She was not perfect but she had ticked the 3 boxes that I look for when considering a potential partner: 
1) she was quite witty and smart (not on my level but she still had very good grades, especially since dating me) especially compared to some of my best friends girlfriends, which are dumb AF.
2) she was sane, down to earth and psychically stable - this is the quality that I find is the hardest to find, chicks in my town are f*cking crazy, especially my other female schoolmates (who also make up a significant part of my potential 'fishing pool') who are mostly on anti-deppresants or sedatives.
3) she was beautiful to me, on the inside and on the outside. She wasn't a 10/10 but I don't even need that, she was more cute than hot I'd say and I still like that about her.

On top of all that, she also listened to my kind of music and generally adored me and fully supported me with everything I did. 

In spite of that though, I still wasn't happy and Ive given a lot of thought to this during this week and I came to a realization that I wasn't happy with the _relationship itself_. We've spent a lot of time together during these 3 years and actually spent the last 2 years being together every day, I lived at her study apartment last study year and this year when I got my own apartment, she moved in with me. 

So as you can imagine we spent a lot of time together and I realize now that this was the core of my problem.
It's not that I didn't enjoy spending time with her, I enjoyed it a lot, but then these thoughts started to appear in my head: I'd rather practice guitar than do X thing with her right now or I'd rather go for a run or to the gym than do Y thing with her right now. And if I actually went and did that thing then another thought appeared and I was feeling bad for not spending time with her which made the thing I was doing (practicing guitar, hanging out with my boys...) unenjoyable. So I was basically caught in a vicious cycle of not being happy and to make things worse I was growing more and more unsatisfied with my progress in the activities I was missing out on because I was devoting time to her (guitar playing, fitness goals, hanging out with my boys...). This may sound like she was a freak but she never told me not to do something else if I wished, the problem was that I was feeling bad for not being with her when doing something else... I don't even know if what I wrote right now makes sense lol.

I guess I just need some time to focus on myself and be free, but I'm not quite sure if that is a _legit enough reason_ for the break up seeing as everything else about us was on point. After a week now I can already see how differently I spend my time, I actually prep my meals, I train every day, I practice guitar every day for several hours and I just have more overall energy. I haven't felt this good in a long time. On the other hand though I miss her a lot during random activities like eating breakfast and drinking coffee, driving to school and back and talking about music etc. and it also breaks my heart to see how sad she is about the whole situation. And it's not like I can just erase her from my life, I'll be seeing her a few times a week (at least) for another 2 years. 

The question that bothers me the most at this point is did I really do what's best for me? Will we ever lose our feelings for eachother or will it be awkward everytime I see her? Is it even possible to remain a _normal _friend with your ex?


----------



## TedEH

Simic said:


> legit enough reason



I don't know how to word this properly, but you don't need a 'legit enough' reason. If you had enough of any reason at all to make the decision in the first place, that's all the legitimacy it needs. Needing space for personal development is a perfectly good reason to stay single. Once you're in a place where you've established the lifestyle you want, and can be happy on your own, then there's nothing that says you can't re-enter a relationship on those new terms. It's definitely possible to stay friends with an ex, or even get back together at some point, but that's entirely case-by-case and up to the people involved. Just be honest and up front about everything, do what you need to do, and hope for the best.



> I don't know if the things I'm feeling right now are normal or not


It doesn't matter if it's "normal". Normal is relative, and irrelevant. But otherwise yes, I think what you're feeling is normal. I think lots of people in long-ish established relationships, early twenties, pretty much an adult now but lots of space for development, go through periods of wondering if they'd be happier in different situations. I was there at one point and didn't act on it. Instead I dragged on a relationship that probably should have ended much earlier. Zero regrets though. It's all valid experience.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Simic said:


> Long story...


I think the main issue is that the relationship escalated too fast.It seems like moving in together was suffocating you;it didn't give you the space and piece of mind to think out your time management because if it wasn't recreational or work time,it was her time.I think maybe you should consider how moving in will affect a relationship from here moving forward.


----------



## squids

ok so i have sort of a problem. i've been with gf for over 2 years now, but unfortunately she is having a really really hard time lately. when we spend time together, it's not like it used to be maybe a few months ago, she always seems unhappy, no matter how much she says she is happy. she had a major surgery last year and i think all of her psychological problems (not wanting to get up in the morning, never happy, etc) stem from it, because it was a huge deal. 
i am 100% sure this is the girl i will marry someday, but im in school, and she works weekends so we only see eachother once or twice a week lately. i have tried nearly everything short of just saying "hey maybe it'd be good for us to take a break for a few months so you can focus on yourself". shes an amazing person, and i love her to death but being with her and supporting her has taken its toll on me massively. would it be so awful for us to take a step back and try again later in the year? or is that just essentially going to kill the relationship?


----------



## broj15

^^^ I hear you loud and clear man. I've been in a similar situation lately with my partner, though her issues stem from an abusive relationship with her most recent ex. I know some people will say that you shouldn't put her needs over yours, and if it gets to the point where you just can't take it anymore, then that may be true, however I've always felt like part of truly loving someone is recognizing when you need to be there for them, and it sounds like she really does need you. I know it's hard, but If I were you I'd stick it out and first and for most try and get her to TALK ABOUT IT. If she's not comfortable talking to you about it (and i know finding that out can hurt a lot. trust me.) then maybe urge her to seek help from someone she can open up to. Part of marriage is the whole "for better or for worse" thing, and what y'all are going through is the "for worse" part. My parents have been married for over 30 years and i know things haven't always been easy for them, but they've always managed to make it through, and if y'all are meant to be together then you will to.


----------



## bostjan

squids said:


> ok so i have sort of a problem. i've been with gf for over 2 years now, but unfortunately she is having a really really hard time lately. when we spend time together, it's not like it used to be maybe a few months ago, she always seems unhappy, no matter how much she says she is happy. she had a major surgery last year and i think all of her psychological problems (not wanting to get up in the morning, never happy, etc) stem from it, because it was a huge deal.
> i am 100% sure this is the girl i will marry someday, but im in school, and she works weekends so we only see eachother once or twice a week lately. i have tried nearly everything short of just saying "hey maybe it'd be good for us to take a break for a few months so you can focus on yourself". shes an amazing person, and i love her to death but being with her and supporting her has taken its toll on me massively. would it be so awful for us to take a step back and try again later in the year? or is that just essentially going to kill the relationship?



I think that if she's going through a rough time, this might be just about the worst thing you could do. Obviously every person is different, emotionally, and under different circumstances, different outcomes are possible, but I'm just not seeing how "Let's take a break from each other for some unspecified number of months" is going to equate to anything short of a breakup.

Maybe I don't quite follow, but it seems like you barely see each other, and yet you are feeling like she's putting some sort of burden on you. You might want to analyze the thought process behind those two seemingly polar ideas, and try to ascertain why those two statements would go together.

If she really needs you right now, and you are just kind of slowly backing away, then something must be wrong somewhere. If you are drifting apart and she is sad about it, then you need to make it right if you don't want to lose her.

Whichever you choose, good luck!


----------



## squids

bostjan said:


> I think that if she's going through a rough time, this might be just about the worst thing you could do. Obviously every person is different, emotionally, and under different circumstances, different outcomes are possible, but I'm just not seeing how "Let's take a break from each other for some unspecified number of months" is going to equate to anything short of a breakup.
> 
> Maybe I don't quite follow, but it seems like you barely see each other, and yet you are feeling like she's putting some sort of burden on you. You might want to analyze the thought process behind those two seemingly polar ideas, and try to ascertain why those two statements would go together.
> 
> If she really needs you right now, and you are just kind of slowly backing away, then something must be wrong somewhere. If you are drifting apart and she is sad about it, then you need to make it right if you don't want to lose her.
> 
> Whichever you choose, good luck!



Thanks dude (and broj15, your advice really hit me in the feels)

You guys are both right. I think i've just been stressed out with school and i guess part of me feels like i kinda accentuate the problems, and so i was feeling like things needed room to breathe but yeah we don't see eachother super often so idk why i was thinking that. 
we had a long talk last night about it, and i felt awful because her plan was to start taking some sort of medication in order to help control it, and here i am coming into it like "maybe we should just be apart". it is for better or for worse and this just seems to be one of those "for worse" times, but like you guys said, no sense just abandoning her to fend for herself. i feel like such a dummy haha.


----------



## bostjan

What about taking a day vacation together to do something you both enjoy, but something that will keep her mind off of whatever is bothering her? Go to the ocean or hiking in the forest or skiing or something. You're in Northern Cali, right? There should be lots of stuff you can do. I don't think you want to overdo it, but maybe something that breaks up the monotony a little, even something new to both of you, might be refreshing. If nothing else, you both might get to blow off a little steam.


----------



## squids

bostjan said:


> What about taking a day vacation together to do something you both enjoy, but something that will keep her mind off of whatever is bothering her? Go to the ocean or hiking in the forest or skiing or something. You're in Northern Cali, right? There should be lots of stuff you can do. I don't think you want to overdo it, but maybe something that breaks up the monotony a little, even something new to both of you, might be refreshing. If nothing else, you both might get to blow off a little steam.



This is really funny to me b/c i actually try to stay active/busy so im always at the beach or mountain biking or going for hikes and so of course she comes along when we do hang out.
Ive been on spring break this week and so we're seeing eachother again tonight, gonna try and go do something different haha.


----------



## ASoC

Just popping in for some good news: I went to the Periphery concert here in St.Louis with a girl from my English class and we had a great time. We've been texting pretty much non stop for a little over a week, so I think I have a new girlfriend. We haven't really discussed what our relationship is, but I'm really into her and it seems pretty clear that she's really into me


----------



## ATOMICxTomato

ATOMICxTomato said:


> if someone, who knows you have feelings for them, keeps telling you that you're the type of person they would be with, yet they are in a relationship pretty much just playing with my emotions? Or trying to keep met at bay incase her relationship doesn't work? Or is it some kind of hint? Almost everyday I see her she has some kind of complain about her boyfriend, wether he is being moody or annoying or whatever.
> 
> So this chick started working at my job sometime last year, but I did't ever meet her til black friday. Ever since then we would text/talk pretty much every day. She opened up pretty quick about herself and so did I, which I never do. She is pretty awesome. Like you know when you meet that one person that you can talk to endlessly and never feel awkward, no matter what the subject is, thats what she's like. We've hung out a couple of times and its always a good time, even though the whole time she was in a relationship. And was actually dating some other guy that works there. They are still together, and me and her have a really good relationship with each other, but Im not the kind of person that will try to break up a relationship between two people. So for me naturally i'd just try to move on, but its not easy since I know I get pretty attached. Ive slowly stopped texting her and everything, even though she is the one who usually text first. But I feel like she may just be stringing me along. Am I right or wrong?
> 
> Also on a good note, this other chick who Ive been crushing on for quite some time but felt she wasn't interested in me, have started talking again, and have hung out abit. So yesterday we were supposed to hang out in the afternoon but she couldn't make it cause she had to baby sit. Well I ended up going out with a couple of friends and got semi wasted lol. Ended up drunk texting her and told her I actually liked for more than a friend and wanted to know if she would ever date me. To my surprise she texted me back in the morning and was surprised herself, because she never thought that I saw her that way, but she would definitely . Guess I should have asked much sooner hahaha. So I think its really time to let the other chick go, and give this a shot. I haven't ever actually been in a relationship so its kind of intimidating, but im naturally shy. Good thing is we are pretty close friends so it could maybe give me and edge, maybe lol.



So i screwed myself emotionally as I usually seem to do lol. Me and the 1st chick still talk a whole lot, especially since we work in the same department and I have gotten to far into my feels. Shoulda have ran away when I got the chance lol. While I have accecpted and kinda moved on i still have feelings for her. She has pretty bad anxiety and seems that she still dooesnt know what she wants. She keeps saying that shes probably better off alone and not fit for a relationship but me being me am always trying to comfort her and what not. Also turns out her boyfriend is jelous of me....well hell she is the one that litteraly texts me everyday...but im always eager to respond. I think i really just need to try to move on....


----------



## flint757

ATOMICxTomato said:


> So i screwed myself emotionally as I usually seem to do lol. Me and the 1st chick still talk a whole lot, especially since we work in the same department and I have gotten to far into my feels. Shoulda have ran away when I got the chance lol. While I have accecpted and kinda moved on i still have feelings for her. She has pretty bad anxiety and seems that she still dooesnt know what she wants. She keeps saying that shes probably better off alone and not fit for a relationship but me being me am always trying to comfort her and what not. Also turns out her boyfriend is jelous of me....well hell she is the one that litteraly texts me everyday...but im always eager to respond. I think i really just need to try to move on....



Yes, you should move on. Your current experience almost mirrors one I went through about 4 years ago exactly. It damaged me beyond repair and she never intended to be with me.


----------



## MFB

MFB said:


> Well it's over.
> 
> We talked and she said she had never really thought of me that way, that I've always been her best friend. She also said she never thought I felt that way, know or back then but she took it well.
> 
> This is EXACTLY what I expected, and I told her I just wanted her to know the truth and that's even though that's how she feels, I don't plan on being anything other than myself, since she was worried I was going to stop talking to her.



Well, I think it's safe to say that our relationship is over, even as friends

Can't really pin where it started exactly, but I think for a while, I put off telling her because I knew that if she didn't feel the same way; it was just our handful of mutual enjoyments keeping us together, and that wouldn't be enough, so I could just fade out of the picture so to speak. 

Then that time came when I told her, and after I started to look at her without those 'goal goggles' on, and little things crept in on me and I knew no matter how much I tried to help her, those things were never going to change - and I didn't want to keep living in that rut of friendship. So our texts became less frequent (which she always initiated because she was always the one doing interesting things worth discussing), and my responses became colder, until eventually it wasn't worth texting.

It's sad really, but that's reality


----------



## ATOMICxTomato

flint757 said:


> Yes, you should move on. Your current experience almost mirrors one I went through about 4 years ago exactly. It damaged me beyond repair and she never intended to be with me.



Seems to be harder than i thought it would be...and I keep doing it to myself. Dam this really sucks, since she has been going through this whole depression thing I feel like I need to be there. I guest I just feel that maybe Ill win her over some way, but at the same time I don't see her breaking up with her boyfriend. Maybe because I feel she might feel the same way idk honestly.


----------



## flint757

While you could be the lone exception, in my experience she will likely not leave her boyfriend. You need to get some emotional distance. If later down the road they break up maybe then try to initiate something. Never wait around to be someone's second choice. Don't devalue your self worth by allowing her to do so either.


----------



## ATOMICxTomato

flint757 said:


> While you could be the lone exception, in my experience she will likely not leave her boyfriend. You need to get some emotional distance. If later down the road they break up maybe then try to initiate something. Never wait around to be someone's second choice. Don't devalue your self worth by allowing her to do so either.



Yea i was honestly thinking the same. It would be much easier for mecto move on if I probably didnt work directly with her, but ill find a way. Sucks that just as I was getting back into weight lifting, which really helped clear my mind and helped motivate me, i seem to have tore something and gotten a hernia lol. But thanks for the insight cause it really is what i need to do.


----------



## youngthrasher9

The weirdness that was my night after work this evening is honestly hard to believe and really really hard to explain. There was women. There was me. I was locked in a car with them, and nothing remotely sexual happened. I can't even begin


----------



## chassless

was there grammar ?


----------



## TheHandOfStone

^


----------



## youngthrasher9

chassless said:


> was there grammar ?



Nope.

Not even a little.


----------



## UnderTheSign

youngthrasher9 said:


> The weirdness that was my night after work this evening is honestly hard to believe and really really hard to explain. There was women. There was me. I was locked in a car with them, and nothing remotely sexual happened. I can't even begin



So you sat in the car with someone like a lot of normal people do?


----------



## Alberto7

MFB said:


> Well, I think it's safe to say that our relationship is over, even as friends
> 
> Can't really pin where it started exactly, but I think for a while, I put off telling her because I knew that if she didn't feel the same way; it was just our handful of mutual enjoyments keeping us together, and that wouldn't be enough, so I could just fade out of the picture so to speak.
> 
> Then that time came when I told her, and after I started to look at her without those 'goal goggles' on, and little things crept in on me and I knew no matter how much I tried to help her, those things were never going to change - and I didn't want to keep living in that rut of friendship. So our texts became less frequent (which she always initiated because she was always the one doing interesting things worth discussing), and my responses became colder, until eventually it wasn't worth texting.
> 
> It's sad really, but that's reality



I have the new website update to thank for bumping this up to the top of my feed lol but I'm sad to hear this man. I remember you talking about this over the course of the last couple or so years on this thread. I've been there, and still going through that with the infamous ex-roommate I talked about quite a bit the last couple years. It sucks, but it's gotta happen. Can't have your cake and it too, in a way? You'll get over it. C'est la vie. Have some e-brohugs sent your way.


----------



## russmuller

russmuller;4690906 said:


> In a strange twist, I have developed pretty strong feelings for someone unexpected. She and I are in a private FB group for sharing highly offensive and graphic content. She first popped up on my radar about a year and a half ago because her wit was right on my level. Our comments back and forth sometimes got flirtatious, but nothing serious. She lives very far away, I wasn't physically attracted to her based on her FB photos, and I was dating the psycho ex at the time (before I knew how crazy she was). So memes and comments was the extent of it for over a year.
> 
> But somewhere over the summer I decided to send her a friend request anyway and get to know her better. We started chatting, and over the course of the past 6 months we went from acquaintances, to friends, to close friends, to really really liking each other. She's still far away (lives in nowheresville Montana), but the more I've gotten to know her the more attractive she is to me. So there's going to be some travel in the near future to meet in person.
> 
> I know long distance relationships rarely work, but relocation is a bridge I'd cross if I came to it. We're not dropping L-bombs or anything. We want to see what it's like actually spending time together in real life before we call it a relationship, but it's been good for me psychologically to connect with someone again and I'm excited to see where this goes.



Well it's been a while since I stopped in here, but the Montana girl and I are now officially an item. We've continued to talk daily all these months so I took a week off work and flew up there to meet her and see what it's like when we're together in real life. It was a truly wonderful time. We really clicked together on so many different levels. She's smart, and funny, and chill, and I just loved how at-ease and truly "myself" I could be around her. I'm heading back up there again in July, and hopefully in the fall she'll come visit the desert and see what my life is like. 

If things continue on this trajectory, I expect I'll move up there eventually because she wants to stay near her mother (whose health is dubious) and I'm kind of tired of living in the desert. The timing will be largely determined by employment opportunities. It'll probably be 2 years before a relocation like that (done properly) is feasible for me.

Fortunately there's a small airline that has very affordable flights between us, which works out to be not much more expensive than normal dating if one of use flies out for a weekend each month. I never imagined I'd be in a situation like this, but I'm okay with it. We're taking things slow and being sensible. I'm excited about what the future holds.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

No love and relationships for me at the moment, thanks. But I am in love with this banana nut bread a co-worker's wife made me. The new Rat is also quite a love affair as well.


----------



## MFB

Alberto7 said:


> I have the new website update to thank for bumping this up to the top of my feed lol but I'm sad to hear this man. I remember you talking about this over the course of the last couple or so years on this thread. I've been there, and still going through that with the infamous ex-roommate I talked about quite a bit the last couple years. It sucks, but it's gotta happen. Can't have your cake and it too, in a way? You'll get over it. C'est la vie. Have some e-brohugs sent your way.



At this point in time, I'm pretty much past it and the only time I think about it is when something of hers pops up on Facebook, but the last text was when I got my promotion in the beginning of April, then two weeks before that, and maybe a month before that; so it waned over time, and now here I am. There was one little bit that felt like she was trying to jab at me without saying it, as she had some thing about wanting to do 'rad stuff with rad people' and I shrugged it off and just figured that didn't make me a rad person. Oh well.


----------



## youngthrasher9

UnderTheSign said:


> So you sat in the car with someone like a lot of normal people do?


Actually no.

Here's what happened:
Friday night i was getting off work, and this girl I work with texted me and told me to come talk to her at her station. This is the same girl I asked out a few weeks back, we never figured out how to go out around our schedules.

Come to find out, she wants me to help her find this other chick that works with us who just ran out of the building balling. Says we'll give her a ride home. (Basically it sounds like she doesn't want to deal with this crying chick by herself)

I hop in girl #1's car (we'll call her pizza girl), and we take off and find the other chick in a parking lot, just a mess. She's sobbing. Pizza girl's like "ok we're going to take to that quiet place you told me about to calm down" 

Well, neither one has been there at night. They're having a hard time finding it. Come to find out, it's a cemetery. Ok cool. Well, we end up driving all over 3 different counties. Weaving through the buttes, etc... for like 2 hours. They're up front and I'm locked in the back listening to them. Occasionally joining in. Finally we find the cemetery. We're barely in service again. I call my mom to tell her I'm gonna be home later. 
Me:"This sounds really stupid, but I'm not getting into any trouble or anything,..." 
mom: "where are you"
Me: "outside a cemetery with some coworkers"
Mom: *laughs nervously and hysterically* "I love you bye."

After I hang up we walk in the cemetery. Walked in about 30 yards. All was fine until a mountain lion let loose a scream what sounded like probably 20 yards away.

I'm like "f*** this, we're leaving"

We walked and drove around a little bit more to calm the other chick down and find out why she's so upset.

Turns out she had a bit of break down from work stress, mainly because her family shamed her out of taking her meds.

I was like "you are gonna start taking your meds again, even if you have to hide it or take them at work"

And that's the weirdest night I've had in a long time.


----------



## youngthrasher9

Oh and while I'm here I'll just mention that pizza girl and I started hanging out a bit after that. Come to find out, she started seeing another dude in between the cemetery thing and now, but she thought it was A-OK to lead me to believe that we were gonna start going out, and she was on the market. Luckily our personalities weren't jivving by the time I found out.


----------



## cwhitey2

I literally can't get a single girl to go on a date with me :-/

I feel like I'm fairly attractive, I'm sometimes socially awkward (social anxiety), I'm decent human being for the most part.

I just feel like I'm missing something or I'm blind to something and it's extremely frustrating.


----------



## auxioluck

Ignoring the fact that I am in complete awe that this thread is still going (I remember when it was first posted), I proposed to my gf of almost 7 years earlier this week and she said yes. 

I'm happy about it. And trust me, for everyone else on here having relationship issues...if a guy like me can find the right chick (who also happens to be a hottie), then you can too. Have faith, my peeps!


----------



## russmuller

auxioluck said:


> Ignoring the fact that I am in complete awe that this thread is still going (I remember when it was first posted), I proposed to my gf of almost 7 years earlier this week and she said yes.
> 
> I'm happy about it. And trust me, for everyone else on here having relationship issues...if a guy like me can find the right chick (who also happens to be a hottie), then you can too. Have faith, my peeps!


CONGRATULATIONS!!!! That's wonderful news!


----------



## kamello

cwhitey2 said:


> I literally can't get a single girl to go on a date with me :-/
> 
> I feel like I'm fairly attractive, I'm sometimes socially awkward (social anxiety), I'm decent human being for the most part.
> 
> I just feel like I'm missing something or I'm blind to something and it's extremely frustrating.



but, what's the main issue here? you haven't met girls, get rejected when asking someone out, or something else?




and; long time since I posted here. After a really bad relationship with a pretty unstable person, I decided to just have some fun and meet new people, even got Tinder going  but nothing serious got out of that and decided to stop ''chasing'' the idea of a relationship

Now, many months later, I moved onto another city, fixed (or Im in the process of fixing-) a lot of the shit that was taking tolls on me, and in the met some really good people, and alongside that, a girl caught my attention. We spoke for a few days and then she asked me for help in a course where she was struggling a bit, we got together, we studied for a few hours and then just had fun chatting until things took another course and we ended up making out  

Things seems to be good, we speak a lot almost every day, seems a lot more emotionally stable compared to all the people I've have been involved, and she already made it clear that she wants exclusivity meanwhile we get to know each other better. So yeah, everything is great, but ffs I forgot how anxious this stage *previous* to a consolidated relationship made me feel, it feels like I need a constant reassuranse of some way to feel that Im not fucking everything up


----------



## TedEH

kamello said:


> until things took another course


I always seem to have exactly the opposite thing happen, where I'll meet people in the very clear context of a date, only to later on have the story change to "I don't see you and I like that...." and I have no idea why that keeps happening.  But also a bit


----------



## cwhitey2

kamello said:


> but, what's the main issue here? you haven't met girls, get rejected when asking someone out, or something else?



Either rejected or they don't even seem nearly interested enough in me to ask out


----------



## Seybsnilksz

Since last time I wrote in this thread a girl found me on OKCupid in may last year, we chatted the whole summer, I got anxiety because I didn't feel the butterflies, but we met in august, have visited each other almost every weekend, and eventually I learned (through discussing it with her) that there's nothing wrong just because I don't feel the same butterflies as I had being in "love" when I was 10. We have all the respect honesty, and good stuff that we both want out of a relationship. And her smile and laugh makes me so happy ^^


----------



## BucketheadRules

Man, I've been away a good few months and not checked in here.

I now have a really great girlfriend and on Saturday, we'll have been together six months. Longest I've ever been with anyone


----------



## youngthrasher9

I honestly shouldn't be allowed to be around women with baggage. My hero complex cripples my mental faculties and I end up falling too hard too fast. If I wasn't what I would describe as mildly empathic, I probably wouldn't have the same issues. I can just sense when someone is messed up and I get drawn to them to nurture, usually to find out they can't be helped by me.

I met this girl literally yesterday. We have a mutual friend, and they showed up together at a party that myself and the mutual friends' husband were throwing. She was immediately interested in me, and I thought she was cute. Many drinks later, everyone ends up at our friends house and she drops hints until I finally spooned with her. I'm teddy bear on the inside- I've never spooned before, and it was intoxicating. Some things just feel right, ya know? Well come to find out, she's got some baggage- she got pregnant when she was younger, got into a shotgun engagement, and the deadbeat cheated on her while she was carrying his child. She ended up having a really late miscarriage, it wasn't pretty I guess. I want to say that I'm attracted to her for her, but my mind is telling me that I'm being drawn to her brokenness.


----------



## BucketheadRules

youngthrasher9 said:


> I want to say that I'm attracted to her for her, but my mind is telling me that I'm being drawn to her brokenness.



Nah man, I think you're actually attracted to her - you were, before all this stuff came out, and if you still are then I assume it's actual attraction to her as a person, rather than some white knight complex thing. Whether or not you're _more_ attracted to her following those revelations is another thing... in any case, you haven't said whether or not this is something she actually carries around as "baggage", or just something that happened a long time ago, which she's managed to move past. It could easily be the latter - not everyone who goes through messed up sh*t like that lets it get the better of them for years on end. I'd say this could be worth pursuing. 

Don't look at her as someone you have to nurture - look at her as someone you just want to spend time with and see what happens. Certainly don't pursue things _because_ she's someone you have to nurture. If it turns out that she really does need a little extra emotional support, then obviously that's something you need to provide, but treating that as something you actively want to provide from the off is an unhealthy way of looking at things, IMO.


----------



## TedEH

BucketheadRules said:


> Don't look at her as someone you have to nurture


I almost sort of disagree. If you can identify that taking care of someone is part of what makes you tick in a relationship, and you can make that work for you, then maybe it's good to just embrace that idea and run with it rather than denying your emotional motivations. It's only a problem if you think it's a problem. A big part of establishing a connection with someone is opening up like she has by telling you things, and being supportive, which is what you're doing.


----------



## youngthrasher9

I appreciate both points of view. 

That said, some new stuff happened. She turned out to be more than damaged. Like sociapath level shit happened, making me and her an impossibility. I can't really go into it.


----------



## cult

So, I don't have a GF anymore after 4,5 years, been living together for 3,5 years...
I have a fiancee now  And it went as smooth as possible.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

@ cult- Congratulations to you both!


----------



## cult

Thank you very much!
I thought it was about time, gotta keep the good things good and the great things great.


----------



## youngthrasher9

Rejoined tinder. Ended up matching with a girl who is totally my type. We've been talking for a few days, got her digits yesterday, and I think I'm going to ask her out later today, maybe tomorrow. She seems really sweet and we've been getting along swimmingly. Apparently we almost knew each other IRL before either of us joined tinder- I helped butcher her dads pigs when I worked at the last butcher shop. I have a good feeling about this girl, there's something more pure about her than the feelings I've had about girls that I've been running into as of late.


----------



## TedEH

I've always had super mixed feelings about online dating and things like Tinder, not because I think they're "wrong" by any stretch, but because it sort of breaks down the process of meeting people into something not quite grounded. As a vehicle to meeting people in real life, sure it serves it's purpose, more or less. But in terms of anyone trying to form any sort of valid evaluation of others with basically just a picture or two and a couple of vague sentences, there's no way to really tell who you're talking to. I mean, I think I've got lots to contribute to a healthy relationship, but how exactly are you supposed to get that across? I'm particularly terrible at selling myself in that way, as I think many people are, which means I'm very likely bypassing people I'd actually like in person, and likewise reaching out to people I'd probably want nothing to do with in reality. The end result is that you just don't meet anyone. Or the people you do meet don't lead to anything. But that's just how it works now, I guess. The alternative is.... nothing? Going to bars? Just doing your own thing and hoping you'll naturally run into someone following a similar life path? What if your regular activities don't involve going to places where there are people?

I guess the end result is that if you're not someone whose lifestyle puts you in the path of very many other single people to meet, you basically have apps, or just resolve to not bother. Something about that kinda makes me sad.


----------



## youngthrasher9

The description you mentioned at the end describes my situation well- I'm in no position socially to meet single people in real life often.


----------



## boozeislove

> youngthrasher9


If you like her call her right away.You will show her youre not in 9nth grade 


I would also like to maybe help others with my own experience with a girl i dated a year ago.We met randomly back in 2015 and immediately there were sparks between us,so we started hanging out.We noth knew what was coming tho.Aaaaand there were some red flags along the way
1:She didnt get along with her family-this is always bad and especialy if they are just good people concerned about you.Also you cant build a new family if your old one is not working out BIG DEAL!
2:she was basicaly living with her ex.I think this is self explanatory
But even with this information my mind was a pink fog of love so i proceeded and got into relationship with her and at first everything was sunshine and rainbows-great convos lots of sex..etc i wanted to even give her a child,would do (and did) everything for her and we got engaged

Long story short i went to another town to work for the summer so we could move in togheter and while gone she had gives and takes with other people,when confronted about it she started some manipulative games to convince me its my fault


What i took out of this whole clusterf**k was:never do hurried decisions,dont fully trust your other head,and always wait for dire situations before you judge a person.Lastly-there are red flags in your head for a god d**n reason,you fool!

So those are my  on love and relationships

Cheers!


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

Exponentially starting to increasingly regret leaving my ex last year. It's starting to be a consuming facet of my personality and it doesn't take a genius to realize that's incredibly unhealthy, but I haven't the faintest idea of what to do. 

I tried a clean break. I tried staying friends. I tried getting her back. I've tried almost every 'style' of handling this, nothing works. We were together for about 4 years and I honestly believe leaving was the biggest mistake of my life, and the regret has just slowly been welling up ever since. I tried getting her back recently and that didn't work, and now instead of the closure I sought things are worse than ever. She wouldn't say anything definitive, all she said was not right now, that it wouldn't be fair to who she was seeing now to jump ship and try things again with me. She deflected when asked point blank if she still loved me.

So now I don't know, there's more uncertainty than ever, and I'm steadily loosing my mind.
Sorry for the blogpost.
I gues just make sure you *really* think about these decisions, guys....the consequences can be unreal.


----------



## Ebony

Ordacleaphobia said:


> Exponentially starting to increasingly regret leaving my ex last year. It's starting to be a consuming facet of my personality and it doesn't take a genius to realize that's incredibly unhealthy, but I haven't the faintest idea of what to do.



If your post is nothing but venting, then ignore this post. 
If you wanted a response, then here goes some tough love from a stranger;

It sounds like you're way too dependent on her. Not only is that repelling in itself to most girls on the most basic, primal level but as you've clearly discovered it causes a great bit of pain and frustration. 
If it doesn't function any more, then it doesn't function. Simple. You need to force your brain to accept this.

If she truly has become an addiction to you, you need to treat that like you would treat any other addiction, be it heroine, food, porn or nasal spray. Bite the bullet, get rid of your need for her. 

Not only will it remove this "biggest mistake of my life" Disney bullshit, but you may come out of it wondering why you ever bothered to cling on to her in the first place.


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

What's sad is that it never stopped functioning. I had just made a stupid decision to leave. Can't really go into detail without writing a novel, but trust me, it was a really uncharacteristic moment in time.

But yeah, I'd always tell people the same thing. Even while this was all happening, I knew that was the core of it all and that if I were to give myself advice, it'd be pretty much the same thing that you'd just said. I tried it, for a good while too, but ended up losing the willpower; I got pretty worn down after a while. Too many common friends was what did it. Difficult to carve someone out completely when nearly everyone you know is around them / mentioning them.
And you don't want to be that guy that tells people not to mention so-and-so just because you can't deal with your own problems. So I dunno. It's all borked.

God help me if I ever pick up cigarettes.


----------



## youngthrasher9

I like this girl probably waaay too much. Not to the point of fantasizing about a future together (checked myself before I wrecked myself)- but definitely more than I should. She is just so much like me it's strange.


----------



## will_shred

Been single for almost a year now after being with my high school love for 5 years. it continually blows. Had no luck on tinder because I live in a pretty small area. At the same time i've drifted away from a lot of my old friends (but made some new great ones). I'm pretty average looking, with decent social skills, but I suppose these things just take time. it often feels like I'm never going to find anyone again, especially not someone as great as she was.

Cheers to the single guys. I can and most certainly will bury my sadness in gear purchases and other musical endeavors.


----------



## Gravy Train

My girlfriend has so much debt and only now is getting a job after 5 months of quitting her last. She had a job a few weeks ago that she worked at for a week and a half, but didn't like it and quit. She has no health insurance or anything like that, but didn't want to work. I just don't understand it. Maybe it was the way I was raised and the way I am (extremely responsible and always taking care of what needs to be done no matter the cost). I just don't understand how someone just let's that amount of debt accumulate without doing anything about it? Sorry for the rant, it just boggles my mind. Am I nuts?


----------



## TedEH

Gravy Train said:


> Am I nuts?


Nope, that sounds like a legit reason to be annoyed. Boggles the mind when someone doesn't work just because they:


Gravy Train said:


> didn't want to work


----------



## MrBouleDeBowling

So I met this girl during my friend's birthday. She's beautiful. She's awesome. She's smart as hell. She's open minded. We can non-stop talk about anything. We have a LOT of thing in common. We both really want to see each other again. We did hung out a few times. She's coming to my next show and she doesn't even like metal.

.....aaaaaaaaaaand she has a boyfriend. Goddammit. She did said she was interested and it's a bummer she has a boyfriend and we haven't met before. But I don't want to be that asshole who tries to get with someone's girlfriend and ruin a relationship. She loves him and I don't think she wants to deal with that kind of thing either. I won't insist and I'll let it go. 

At least, I'm over my ex. I'm glad someone can spark my interest again.


----------



## Konfyouzd

will_shred said:


> Been single for almost a year now after being with my high school love for 5 years. it continually blows. Had no luck on tinder because I live in a pretty small area. At the same time i've drifted away from a lot of my old friends (but made some new great ones). I'm pretty average looking, with decent social skills, but I suppose these things just take time. it often feels like I'm never going to find anyone again, especially not someone as great as she was.
> 
> Cheers to the single guys. I can and most certainly will bury my sadness in gear purchases and other musical endeavors.



Eff Tinder... I don't know why ppl use that.


----------



## TedEH

Konfyouzd said:


> Eff Tinder... I don't know why ppl use that.


Cause there's not much alternative? Consider the environment a lot of people are in:

- Once you're in your late 20s, it's not uncommon to find yourself in a scenario where you don't meet a lot of new people in a context where it would be appropriate to date anyone. You're not in school with a bunch of single people around. Maybe you work in a small office, where it would be inappropriate or there'd be too much risk in dating coworkers if things go south. Maybe you just don't go out much, or have many interests that put you in the path of new people very often.
- If you're out in public, we now have this sort of established unwritten rule that you're not allowed to speak to a woman you don't already know. Introducing yourself to strangers is now "creepy" and "rapey" unless you're especially attractive. At a concert and want to say hi to someone? Nope, not acceptable. Want to get the number of that cashier who's always really friendly at some place you shop regularly? Nope, that makes you a creep. I dunno if this is a side effect of recent activism/feminism or something, but there's this heightened sense lately that anything one might do to put themselves out there isn't appropriate anymore.
- People don't seem to go to bars anymore. And if you DO go to a bar, the previous rule applies. Unless you're one of those people who go to "clubs", which is a whole culture I just don't understand. If you're not the type of person who goes to bars, then you probably want to meet someone who similarly wouldn't be normally found in bars. That means that the people who might want to meet eachother have no context in which it would happen normally/naturally.
- Dating apps/sites that don't use the same shallow filter-by-swiping thing rely entirely on guys taking random shots and seeing who answers. And by "who answers" I mean "nobody answers". The idea of a matching algorithm of any kind just doesn't work. Your "matches" never have any interest in acknowledging that you exist, let alone replying to any introduction. At least with the swiping mechanic, any "match" means you've at least gotten past that first filter and might have a chance to establish communication.

So what does that leave you with? You either use Tinder, or resolve to just be single. Or sometimes alternate between the two.

The bit that confuses me:
There are some people who seem to just never stay single for any amount of time, and I don't understand how they do it. As soon as one person is out of the picture, there's immediately someone new. Even people who seem like they would have a hard time finding anyone- but there's always someone there. It makes me constantly question whether or not I'm just doing something wrong- or maybe there's something about me that just makes me unattractive or something. Why do some people constantly search and make themselves available but ultimately find nobody and stay alone, while others seem like they would need to put effort in to avoid starting new relationships with people?


----------



## MFB

TedEH said:


> Cause there's not much alternative? Consider the environment a lot of people are in:
> 
> - Once you're in your late 20s, it's not uncommon to find yourself in a scenario where you don't meet a lot of new people in a context where it would be appropriate to date anyone. You're not in school with a bunch of single people around. Maybe you work in a small office, where it would be inappropriate or there'd be too much risk in dating coworkers if things go south. Maybe you just don't go out much, or have many interests that put you in the path of new people very often.
> - If you're out in public, we now have this sort of established unwritten rule that you're not allowed to speak to a woman you don't already know. Introducing yourself to strangers is now "creepy" and "rapey" unless you're especially attractive. At a concert and want to say hi to someone? Nope, not acceptable. Want to get the number of that cashier who's always really friendly at some place you shop regularly? Nope, that makes you a creep. I dunno if this is a side effect of recent activism/feminism or something, but there's this heightened sense lately that anything one might do to put themselves out there isn't appropriate anymore.
> - People don't seem to go to bars anymore. And if you DO go to a bar, the previous rule applies. Unless you're one of those people who go to "clubs", which is a whole culture I just don't understand. If you're not the type of person who goes to bars, then you probably want to meet someone who similarly wouldn't be normally found in bars. That means that the people who might want to meet eachother have no context in which it would happen normally/naturally.
> - Dating apps/sites that don't use the same shallow filter-by-swiping thing rely entirely on guys taking random shots and seeing who answers. And by "who answers" I mean "nobody answers". The idea of a matching algorithm of any kind just doesn't work. Your "matches" never have any interest in acknowledging that you exist, let alone replying to any introduction. At least with the swiping mechanic, any "match" means you've at least gotten past that first filter and might have a chance to establish communication.
> 
> So what does that leave you with? You either use Tinder, or resolve to just be single. Or sometimes alternate between the two.



All of this.


----------



## Ebony

TedEH said:


> The bit that confuses me:
> There are some people who seem to just never stay single for any amount of time, and I don't understand how they do it. As soon as one person is out of the picture, there's immediately someone new. Even people who seem like they would have a hard time finding anyone- but there's always someone there. It makes me constantly question whether or not I'm just doing something wrong- or maybe there's something about me that just makes me unattractive or something. Why do some people constantly search and make themselves available but ultimately find nobody and stay alone, while others seem like they would need to put effort in to avoid starting new relationships with people?



I've seen examples of what you're describing, and in my experience the people that do this are the same needy people that are prone to rash decision-making in other aspects of their lives too. They latch on to each other for comfort and security, and when their relationship rapidly and unavoidably goes down in flames there is always another waiting on both sides to pick up the pieces.

Low standards, be it physical or intellectual lends themselves to higher quantities of potential mates, increasing chances of reproduction. And yes, I did just proclaim that people who swap their "love of my life" every few weeks have lower standards than average.

Not that there is anything remotely wrong with passionate friendships and casual sex with multiple acquaintances, but professing true "love" with someone you may just end up hating the following day is obviously a stupid thing to do. 
And isn't that the whole point of the word "relationship" in this context?
To point out the difference between being "with" and "for" someone as opposed to merely "enjoy" someone?

Then they assume that what they have is something more than a chemical cocktail fueled by sexual reward and social programming, which may even be the case sometimes but isn't 99% of the time.

If one doesn't believe in these easy-to-get, easy-to-lose relationships (as opposed to something like friends with benefits), one is naturally not going to be in a relationship as often as those who do.


----------



## TedEH

Ebony said:


> needy people





Ebony said:


> Low standards


I get that, but I don't understand the mechanism by which they find each other. I mean that in the sense that there are definitely days I'd be willing to lower some standards and make some rash decisions myself, but there's just nobody around to make those decisions about. For some it's maybe about making quick/rash vs thought out partner choices, while for others it seems like there aren't any choices to pick from in the first place, if you get what I mean.


----------



## Ebony

TedEH said:


> I get that, but I don't understand the mechanism by which they find each other. I mean that in the sense that there are definitely days I'd be willing to lower some standards and make some rash decisions myself, but there's just nobody around to make those decisions about. For some it's maybe about making quick/rash vs thought out partner choices, while for others it seems like there aren't any choices to pick from in the first place, if you get what I mean.



Absolutely, it's funny how the world seems emptied of women sometimes.
I think it's pretty easy; either one is too ugly, or one isn't trying hard enough to search them out.

Take the situation you mentioned where all unattractive men are labeled creeps for talking to potential women.
That is something where one just has to ignore the "rules" and hope the girl finds you attractive/interesting enough to not brand you a creep.

Sure; social media, religious dogma and modern feminism has ruined actual, physical communication between the sexes, but as far as I know, women are still programmed to admire men that make an effort.
In a funny twist of irony, women seem to get even more excited about that than they used to, since such an approach is almost considered "illegal" today, and takes some serious balls to execute.


----------



## Konfyouzd

TedEH said:


> Cause there's not much alternative? Consider the environment a lot of people are in:
> 
> - Once you're in your late 20s, it's not uncommon to find yourself in a scenario where you don't meet a lot of new people in a context where it would be appropriate to date anyone. You're not in school with a bunch of single people around. Maybe you work in a small office, where it would be inappropriate or there'd be too much risk in dating coworkers if things go south. Maybe you just don't go out much, or have many interests that put you in the path of new people very often.
> - If you're out in public, we now have this sort of established unwritten rule that you're not allowed to speak to a woman you don't already know. Introducing yourself to strangers is now "creepy" and "rapey" unless you're especially attractive. At a concert and want to say hi to someone? Nope, not acceptable. Want to get the number of that cashier who's always really friendly at some place you shop regularly? Nope, that makes you a creep. I dunno if this is a side effect of recent activism/feminism or something, but there's this heightened sense lately that anything one might do to put themselves out there isn't appropriate anymore.
> - People don't seem to go to bars anymore. And if you DO go to a bar, the previous rule applies. Unless you're one of those people who go to "clubs", which is a whole culture I just don't understand. If you're not the type of person who goes to bars, then you probably want to meet someone who similarly wouldn't be normally found in bars. That means that the people who might want to meet eachother have no context in which it would happen normally/naturally.
> - Dating apps/sites that don't use the same shallow filter-by-swiping thing rely entirely on guys taking random shots and seeing who answers. And by "who answers" I mean "nobody answers". The idea of a matching algorithm of any kind just doesn't work. Your "matches" never have any interest in acknowledging that you exist, let alone replying to any introduction. At least with the swiping mechanic, any "match" means you've at least gotten past that first filter and might have a chance to establish communication.
> 
> So what does that leave you with? You either use Tinder, or resolve to just be single. Or sometimes alternate between the two.
> 
> The bit that confuses me:
> There are some people who seem to just never stay single for any amount of time, and I don't understand how they do it. As soon as one person is out of the picture, there's immediately someone new. Even people who seem like they would have a hard time finding anyone- but there's always someone there. It makes me constantly question whether or not I'm just doing something wrong- or maybe there's something about me that just makes me unattractive or something. Why do some people constantly search and make themselves available but ultimately find nobody and stay alone, while others seem like they would need to put effort in to avoid starting new relationships with people?


I think all the things you mentioned are a side effect of online dating. Ppl have become so comfortable pre screening via an online profile that probably lies a lot than they are speaking to someone in person. Then they have bad experiences with that and expect that real ppl are somehow worse than the fabricated alter egos they deal with on online dating sites. 

Other ppls hang ups are not my problem. A woman who finds every man creepy must not really want one. She probably just likes attention.


----------



## TedEH

Konfyouzd said:


> I think all the things you mentioned are a side effect of online dating.


Yeah, it's probably a bit part of it. I sort of imagine that women on those sites/apps basically have a huge influx of dudes to filter though and can just conveniently pick whoever they want to interact with, whereas dudes basically throw themselves at ALL THE PROFILES and hope that every once in a while there will be a response back.

Another part is maybe how much we "live" online in general, not just through those apps. People are a lot less social in person. Whenever I do actually meet someone new, it usually ends up meaning we become "facebook friends" and then almost never see eachother in person again. Could be the times, it could be that I'm not 16 anymore, but it seems like friends don't just hang around eachother in person anymore just for the sake of it.

I had a thought yesterday- I wonder what speed dating is like, and how it differs from online. Seems like you'd filter people very differently in person. I've heard some weird/bad stories come out of those events, but part of me wants to try it anyway for sh*ts and giggles.


----------



## will_shred

On a related note, I just had the worst tinder date of all time. This gal was the most uninteresting, vapid, and just... awful person I've met in a long time. I actually just walked off after 10 minutes of trying to pull a conversation out of her, after she is the one who gave me her ## and asked to hang out. I'm joining the "eff tinder" boat. I'm going for quality not quantity. 

On a related note; single dudes, how do you deal with it? I went from being with the same person from 15-20 years old, with an amazing sex life and what I thought was a really great relationship that completely blew up in my face. After being single for almost a year, it still feels like I was dumped yesterday. The pain is still extremely raw, and I deal with it every moment from when I wake up to when I go to bed. It often feels like I will never find love again. the few dates I've been on have been pretty awful, and every girl i'm actually interested is already with someone.


----------



## Konfyouzd

TedEH said:


> Yeah, it's probably a bit part of it. I sort of imagine that women on those sites/apps basically have a huge influx of dudes to filter though and can just conveniently pick whoever they want to interact with, whereas dudes basically throw themselves at ALL THE PROFILES and hope that every once in a while there will be a response back.
> 
> Another part is maybe how much we "live" online in general, not just through those apps. People are a lot less social in person. Whenever I do actually meet someone new, it usually ends up meaning we become "facebook friends" and then almost never see eachother in person again. Could be the times, it could be that I'm not 16 anymore, but it seems like friends don't just hang around eachother in person anymore just for the sake of it.
> 
> I had a thought yesterday- I wonder what speed dating is like, and how it differs from online. Seems like you'd filter people very differently in person. I've heard some weird/bad stories come out of those events, but part of me wants to try it anyway for sh*ts and giggles.



I thought people were less social until I moved into an area where I literally knew no one and was forced to interact with those around me just to get around.

What you find is this:

There are far more people in the world that feel exactly like you than you think. And the reason they aren't talking to you is probably for the exact same reason you aren't approaching them. They think you won't be interested in what they have to say.

Conversation is the easy part man... Women of all spectra of attractiveness / race / what-have-you talk to me all the time on a daily basis simply because I dare to speak to them... I mean... Maybe it never goes anywhere, but so what? Maybe it wasn't meant to? Every person you find attractive isn't your soul mate, but to become more comfortable with speaking with anyone you meet makes you all the more ready to meet said person.

One who begins his / her journey at the destination forgoes the journey... While that may sound great to some, have you ever seen the movie Click?


----------



## will_shred

Relevant


----------



## TedEH

Konfyouzd said:


> They think you won't be interested in what they have to say.


To be fair, a lot of times I'm not interested in what they have to say, so that's on me. 

I honestly recognize that I have a couple of (possibly unique?) barriers to getting anywhere in the dating world, and they're mostly my own fault if I think about it too much. 

I can manage to meet people if I try hard enough, but a lot of times I don't really try because I've somehow convinced myself that "my type" is something very specific that I don't see in the average person. And maybe that's ok. I'm very set in my ways, in my lifestyle, and I don't have much interest in introducing another person into that unless I think they're going to contribute something positive to that model. I've been in situations before where being with someone made it feel like I couldn't just be myself, and I have no interest in that again. There are definitely a lot of people that I'll see and think "I would rather continue enjoying my single-ness". And lets not kid ourselves, sometimes being single and not having to answer to anyone is great.

I've also started to think that maybe I'm too.... friendly? As in, not aggressive or forward enough. Aggressive is probably the wrong word. I've met a handful of people in the last year and went on what could be objectively described as dates, that I thought went really well, to later find that they didn't think of me as a date for some reason, so much as just a friend. Apparently, they were not dates, that was just "people hanging out as friends, right?" I mean, how do you meet someone on in the context of a dating site, but not expect an outing to count as a date? What about my behavior says to them "this is not a date"? I also strongly suspect that in at least one case where this happened, it was mostly said as a means to avoid admitting that they just weren't interested.


----------



## will_shred

TedEH said:


> To be fair, a lot of times I'm not interested in what they have to say, so that's on me.
> 
> I honestly recognize that I have a couple of (possibly unique?) barriers to getting anywhere in the dating world, and they're mostly my own fault if I think about it too much.
> 
> I can manage to meet people if I try hard enough, but a lot of times I don't really try because I've somehow convinced myself that "my type" is something very specific that I don't see in the average person. And maybe that's ok. I'm very set in my ways, in my lifestyle, and I don't have much interest in introducing another person into that unless I think they're going to contribute something positive to that model. I've been in situations before where being with someone made it feel like I couldn't just be myself, and I have no interest in that again. There are definitely a lot of people that I'll see and think "I would rather continue enjoying my single-ness". And lets not kid ourselves, sometimes being single and not having to answer to anyone is great.
> 
> I've also started to think that maybe I'm too.... friendly? As in, not aggressive or forward enough. Aggressive is probably the wrong word. I've met a handful of people in the last year and went on what could be objectively described as dates, that I thought went really well, to later find that they didn't think of me as a date for some reason, so much as just a friend. Apparently, they were not dates, that was just "people hanging out as friends, right?" I mean, how do you meet someone on in the context of a dating site, but not expect an outing to count as a date? What about my behavior says to them "this is not a date"? I also strongly suspect that in at least one case where this happened, it was mostly said as a means to avoid admitting that they just weren't interested.



If things are going well, in that situation I would just be like "hey, mind if I kiss you?" its worked 2/2 times for me, so that's a decent sample size, right? I think its good to be completely forward with your intentions to avoid any confusion. and if she says no than shes not interested and then you can probably still be friends if she doesn't get all uptight about it

I also just want to say that SSO is the only public forum where I feel comfortable bitching about my love life, or lack thereof. <3 you guys.


----------



## TedEH

^ I'm not sure I could have pulled that off in these situations. Which could be a sign that things were not, in fact, going as well as I had thought.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I have the same issues. But conversation flows completely naturally with some ppl. Yes. These ppl are much fewer and father between. Life can get a bit lonely in the time between but in some ways I think it's good. When there's chemistry it's obvious. When there isn't you're used to keeping on any damn way.


----------



## Konfyouzd

I have the same issues. But conversation flows completely naturally with some ppl. Yes. These ppl are much fewer and father between. Life can get a bit lonely in the time between but in some ways I think it's good. When there's chemistry it's obvious. When there isn't you're used to keeping on any damn way.

Oh... And the "this was not a date" thing is just how you say "I swiped right on 6 other dudes too..." (or whatever the positive direction is...)


----------



## marcwormjim

I talk to myself, too.


----------



## TedEH

Konfyouzd said:


> Oh... And the "this was not a date" thing is just how you say "I swiped right on 6 other dudes too..." (or whatever the positive direction is...)


It could be, but I've always thought there was an expectation that the person you're meeting is probably also meeting/seeing other people, or could be. I've had dates admit, on the day I met them, that they plan on meeting someone else the next day or something like that. No big deal, I might be doing the same. I'd rather the honesty.


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## youngthrasher9

Turns out it's not a good idea to let a girl convince you to share your psychological profile of her with her.

I'm a dumbass


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## marcwormjim

Trying to bring this thread back on-topic: I've had love and a relationship for the last few years, now, plus before that.


----------



## kamello

youngthrasher9 said:


> Turns out it's not a good idea to let a girl convince you to share your psychological profile of her with her.
> 
> I'm a dumbass




ok, what the hell happened? sounds interesting


----------



## Konfyouzd

The fuck just happened?

"So I've been reading this book right... And it turns out women like you tend to be batshit insane. Isn't that hilarious?!"


----------



## youngthrasher9

kamello said:


> ok, what the hell happened? sounds interesting



Well, I'm quite decent at reading people and analyzing them. I know fair bit about psychogology. 

My dumbass self mentioned in passing that I could do a profile on her. She's not super confident in who she is or why she does things. 

Long story short: it's impossible to make a psych profile flattering even if you start with the positive. People only THINK they'd be okay with being analyzed. She was not happy. 

I mean I apologized and she kinda forgave me eventually, but she'll remember that.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

I've been single a few years now, and I'm kinda glad I don't have to deal with batshit insanity, controlling people, and other bullshit that dating involves. I don't date or fool around with anyone either. I don't care to deal with the drama that even something casual like that would entail.



Gravy Train said:


> My girlfriend has so much debt and only now is getting a job after 5 months of quitting her last. She had a job a few weeks ago that she worked at for a week and a half, but didn't like it and quit. She has no health insurance or anything like that, but didn't want to work. I just don't understand it. Maybe it was the way I was raised and the way I am (extremely responsible and always taking care of what needs to be done no matter the cost). I just don't understand how someone just let's that amount of debt accumulate without doing anything about it? Sorry for the rant, it just boggles my mind. Am I nuts?


Yes, you are nuts. Why? Because you said "my girlfriend" instead of "my ex girlfriend." That sounds like a major issue just waiting to happen.


----------



## will_shred

I have a date with a girl I had a huge crush on in high school. We just started talking again recently and it turns out we have a lot in common, we're both really interested in psychology and neurology, and certain areas of philosophy. She also just started recently getting into metal, and I've been showing her bands that she would like. And shes a really good artist. I feel like we really click on an emotional level, had a lot of really great conversations so far. I'm a little worried that she won't feel the same about me, mostly because she's way out of my league in terms of physical appearance. She is (in my opinion) one of the most beautiful women I've ever met, no exaggeration. Whereas I'm pretty average. 

I'm not really looking for "advice" because I know what I'm doing. I'm just venting so I can focus on my work. Wish me luck boys.


----------



## TedEH

will_shred said:


> she's way out of my league in terms of physical appearance.


I know you didn't ask for advice, but here's some anyway: If you're both adults, then "leagues" are not a thing. If you think in those terms, you're setting yourself up for failure. You're either compatible in terms of a partnership or not. Someone who would reject you because of something like "being out of their league" isn't someone you want as a partner in the first place. Or that's my  anyway.


----------



## will_shred

TedEH said:


> I know you didn't ask for advice, but here's some anyway: If you're both adults, then "leagues" are not a thing. If you think in those terms, you're setting yourself up for failure. You're either compatible in terms of a partnership or not. Someone who would reject you because of something like "being out of their league" isn't someone you want as a partner in the first place. Or that's my  anyway.



People definitely tend to partner with other people who are about as "attractive" as they are. Even though that's hard to quantify, you can't deny that its a thing. Its just biology.


----------



## TedEH

will_shred said:


> People definitely tend to partner with other people who are about as "attractive" as they are.


There's also a very low rate of what I'd call "successful" relationships. I mean, yeah, technically "leagues" are a thing that happens, my point was that I think it's not really a healthy basis for a relationship- to each their own, but I'd lose interest in someone who rejected me on that basis.


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## will_shred

I love people for their minds, but there has to be a threshold of physical attraction for me to be interested romantically, and I think its fair to say that's how most people operate, whether they admit it or not. 

But anyway, I'm over analyzing it. I really like her, and I hope it can go somewhere.


----------



## youngthrasher9

In a turn of events surprisingly not related to my previous blunder, I'm back to the drawing board.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

youngthrasher9 said:


> In a turn of events surprisingly not related to my previous blunder, I'm back to the drawing board.


Womp womp womp. Sorry dude.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

will_shred said:


> I have a date with a girl I had a huge crush on in high school. We just started talking again recently and it turns out we have a lot in common, we're both really interested in psychology and neurology, and certain areas of philosophy. She also just started recently getting into metal, and I've been showing her bands that she would like. And shes a really good artist. I feel like we really click on an emotional level, had a lot of really great conversations so far. I'm a little worried that she won't feel the same about me, mostly because she's way out of my league in terms of physical appearance. She is (in my opinion) one of the most beautiful women I've ever met, no exaggeration. Whereas I'm pretty average.
> 
> I'm not really looking for "advice" because I know what I'm doing. I'm just venting so I can focus on my work. Wish me luck boys.


How did I not comment on this before? If you think like that, that's all you'll attract. You don't need to be an egomaniac, but just don't think of yourself as average.


----------



## Alberto7

I've been away from this thread for a while. I needed a break from the whole dating game and just take my life at my own pace... as little sense as that may seem to make.

However, I come back with good news (for me anyway. ). Finally found someone that I think is a reasonable human being, and I think things will be good. We've known each other for about 2 and a half years, and we were always good buddies from day one. We went on a trip together last October, and that's when I got to really know her well. It wasn't until about 4-5 months ago that we began getting a lot closer. The last two months or so we've pretty much texted continuously every day, and the last 3 weeks we've seen each other practically every day. We're super comfortable around each other and it's easy for us to be ourselves in each other's presence. Finally decided to just ask her out last week, which honestly felt like a mere formality on some level. We've only been dating for a little bit, but honestly the only thing that's really changed is the physical contact.  It seems like it's still early to tell, but I think this could be good.


----------



## Alberto7

I've been away from this thread for a while. I needed a break from the whole dating game and just take my life at my own pace... as little sense as that may seem to make.

However, I come back with good news (for me anyway. ). Finally found someone that I think is a reasonable human being, and I think things will be good. We've known each other for about 2 and a half years, and we were always good buddies from day one. We went on a trip together last October, and that's when I got to really know her well. It wasn't until about 4-5 months ago that we began getting a lot closer. The last two months or so we've pretty much texted continuously every day, and the last 3 weeks we've seen each other practically every day. We're super comfortable around each other and it's easy for us to be ourselves in each other's presence. Finally decided to just ask her out last week, which honestly felt like a mere formality on some level. We've only been dating for a little bit, but honestly the only thing that's really changed is the physical contact.  It seems like it's still early to tell, but I think this could be good.


----------



## Eden

Kinda new to this thread, but I'm starting back at school and with work its hard to have time to vent about some things. Someone I work with is getting ready to move back halfway across the country for school and I really think that I've developed some strong feelings for her, I can't tell if the feeling is mutual but she just has an effect on things that takes the edge out of life and legitimately makes me feel like a schoolboy again when we're joking around and talking to each other. I kinda want ask her for her # just to keep in touch even if we wouldn't hit it off in a relationship manner but I don't know, sso.


----------



## Simic

Hey guys, I have a question;

So I've been single for like half a year now and for 5 months I've been texting and seeing this girl who also goes to my faculty (1 year below me) and we've agreed to the friends with benefits thing and we agreed on the following: sex, cuddling and also like helping each other better understand what the opposite sex wants, help each other text other ppl to hook up etc. And also made it clear to each other that we will never be in a relationship because we're just not right for each other.

So we haven't seen each other for 2 months during the summer because we were both traveling. We're seeing each other again for like a week now but I'm leaving to study abroad in October so our relationship is coming to a pause I guess.
Like we're super honest with each other and I told her about the girls I've had sex with during the summer, showed her pics of them (she asked) and I'm still texting with 2 of them and she like helps me text and stuff. I even told her about another friend with benefits I have now and they know each other (same faculty) and it she was okay with all of it.
She didn't really have sex with anyone else since we started, just made out with some guys a few times. But now she needs a replacement for me (as funny as this sounds) and she asked me to help choose a good guy out of the ones that were texting her and I texted with some of them, took out the fools and today she called me that she just got home from a date and it went awesome and that she's pretty certain this guy will be my replacement.

I thought I'd be happy when I heard this but to be completely honest with you, SSO, I was jealous  And the funny thing is I would never consider this girl as a future partner because there are some dealbreakers (for me) on her - for instance she can't listen any harder rock/metal music and is a hater of those genres. But the sex is the best I've had in my life and she's really fun to hang out with, go out for drinks, lunch etc. And she also really likes me and all her friends do as well. She is gonna visit me abroad and I'll probably come home a few times during the year as well so it's not like I won't ever have sex with her again but it's definitely pretty much over between the two of us until I get back, if she's still single by then.

So is what I'm feeling right now normal? Like I'm jealous of her getting someone to replace me even though I will do the exact same? And how does it all make sense if I don't even want her as my girlfriend (and vice versa)? Is it just me being selfish because I'll have to give my toy to someone else? (I'm sorry if that sounds sexist, it's not meant that way).


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

Sometimes thou doth protest too much. Most people in relationships don't share music in common.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Simic said:


> Hey guys, I have a question;
> 
> So I've been single for like half a year now and for 5 months I've been texting and seeing this girl who also goes to my faculty (1 year below me) and we've agreed to the friends with benefits thing and we agreed on the following: sex, cuddling and also like helping each other better understand what the opposite sex wants, help each other text other ppl to hook up etc. And also made it clear to each other that we will never be in a relationship because we're just not right for each other.
> 
> So we haven't seen each other for 2 months during the summer because we were both traveling. We're seeing each other again for like a week now but I'm leaving to study abroad in October so our relationship is coming to a pause I guess.
> Like we're super honest with each other and I told her about the girls I've had sex with during the summer, showed her pics of them (she asked) and I'm still texting with 2 of them and she like helps me text and stuff. I even told her about another friend with benefits I have now and they know each other (same faculty) and it she was okay with all of it.
> She didn't really have sex with anyone else since we started, just made out with some guys a few times. But now she needs a replacement for me (as funny as this sounds) and she asked me to help choose a good guy out of the ones that were texting her and I texted with some of them, took out the fools and today she called me that she just got home from a date and it went awesome and that she's pretty certain this guy will be my replacement.
> 
> I thought I'd be happy when I heard this but to be completely honest with you, SSO, I was jealous  And the funny thing is I would never consider this girl as a future partner because there are some dealbreakers (for me) on her - for instance she can't listen any harder rock/metal music and is a hater of those genres. But the sex is the best I've had in my life and she's really fun to hang out with, go out for drinks, lunch etc. And she also really likes me and all her friends do as well. She is gonna visit me abroad and I'll probably come home a few times during the year as well so it's not like I won't ever have sex with her again but it's definitely pretty much over between the two of us until I get back, if she's still single by then.
> 
> So is what I'm feeling right now normal? Like I'm jealous of her getting someone to replace me even though I will do the exact same? And how does it all make sense if I don't even want her as my girlfriend (and vice versa)? Is it just me being selfish because I'll have to give my toy to someone else? (I'm sorry if that sounds sexist, it's not meant that way).


Have you noticed that everybody,from what I can remember,on here that HAD a gf that liked the same music as them(metal/djent/insert nonpopular music) have become ex-girlfriends?Music interests aren't make or break.

Also,from what you are saying,it seems that not all is as it seems.She wants to know about the chicks you talk to and she hasn't fooled around(that we know of)even though she's been completely free to do so.If she's still single by the time you get back,talk to her about it.In the meantime,ponder on your relationship with this girl and reevaluate where you want her in your life.


----------



## cult

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Sometimes thou doth protest too much. Most people in relationships don't share music in common.



So much this.
My ex used to like singer/songwriter stuff and I got her to listen to the Deftones and similar bands, but that was about it.
My fiancée tolerates my now really diverse taste in music as long as I don't bother her with it too often or turn it up too loud for her to enjoy other stuff in the house.

All other stuff aside:
If you get along great, like being with each other and enjoy the sex, go for it.


----------



## bostjan

Simic said:


> Hey guys, I have a question;
> 
> So I've been single for like half a year now and for 5 months I've been texting and seeing this girl who also goes to my faculty (1 year below me) and we've agreed to the friends with benefits thing and we agreed on the following: sex, cuddling and also like helping each other better understand what the opposite sex wants, help each other text other ppl to hook up etc. And also made it clear to each other that we will never be in a relationship because we're just not right for each other.
> 
> So we haven't seen each other for 2 months during the summer because we were both traveling. We're seeing each other again for like a week now but I'm leaving to study abroad in October so our relationship is coming to a pause I guess.
> Like we're super honest with each other and I told her about the girls I've had sex with during the summer, showed her pics of them (she asked) and I'm still texting with 2 of them and she like helps me text and stuff. I even told her about another friend with benefits I have now and they know each other (same faculty) and it she was okay with all of it.
> She didn't really have sex with anyone else since we started, just made out with some guys a few times. But now she needs a replacement for me (as funny as this sounds) and she asked me to help choose a good guy out of the ones that were texting her and I texted with some of them, took out the fools and today she called me that she just got home from a date and it went awesome and that she's pretty certain this guy will be my replacement.
> 
> I thought I'd be happy when I heard this but to be completely honest with you, SSO, I was jealous  And the funny thing is I would never consider this girl as a future partner because there are some dealbreakers (for me) on her - for instance she can't listen any harder rock/metal music and is a hater of those genres. But the sex is the best I've had in my life and she's really fun to hang out with, go out for drinks, lunch etc. And she also really likes me and all her friends do as well. She is gonna visit me abroad and I'll probably come home a few times during the year as well so it's not like I won't ever have sex with her again but it's definitely pretty much over between the two of us until I get back, if she's still single by then.
> 
> So is what I'm feeling right now normal? Like I'm jealous of her getting someone to replace me even though I will do the exact same? And how does it all make sense if I don't even want her as my girlfriend (and vice versa)? Is it just me being selfish because I'll have to give my toy to someone else? (I'm sorry if that sounds sexist, it's not meant that way).



*Ne vreči puške v koruzo (Ne prenagljeno ravnati).*

In English, we say, "do not empty the baby out with the bath." 

Does she not tolerate you listening to your music, or does she just not like the music you like?


----------



## p0ke

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Sometimes thou doth protest too much. Most people in relationships don't share music in common.



This. My wife listens to rnb and reggae etc. and basically can't stand metal, but we got married anyway. We just don't usually listen to music when we're at home together, and I don't see that as a problem. In the car we just listen to the radio and pretty much both hate what's playing equally  It's just something I have to live with, but I don't mind - I get to listen to metal all day at work anyway, and at home I have a separate man cave where I play the guitar (which she loves hearing even though she doesn't like the music I'm playing).


----------



## Simic

Thanks for the suggestions dudes, after reading your replies we had a talk and we came to a conclusion that we really like each other and that this relationship has evolved past just friends. But seeing as I'm going on an exchange for a year and after I get back she's going on an exchange for a year which means we won't see each other for 2 years (except when visiting) we agreed we will wait until then to see how our lives have evolved and then maybe go for it. But just having that talk has made me feel much better, I truly thank all the ppl replying because otherwise I wouldn't bring up this topic and wouldn't have had the talk 

edit: And bostjan thanks for the Slovenian proverb haha, do you have Slovenian roots? Your name sure implies it


----------



## Space_Shift

Hello to all, i hope everyone are having a great day 

So, first post here (i already had an account here but i didnt remember the password and i deleted the email that i used with it).
Sorry for the long post first of all, but i really really need some help with this situation.
So after 10 months of relationship my girlfriend broke up with me 1 week ago. It has been the worst week in my life tbh. At the same time i'm angry that it happened and also very sad.

So here's the story, during the relationship we had wonderful moments that i appreciate a lot but also problems.

Some of the problems were that i said stupid things to her that made her sad, i completely regret saying those things i didn't think before talking . A big problem we had was that in that time i had in my contact list in FB some girls from my high school and from my first job, i never talked to all of them or considered myself to talk to a lot of girls. So she saw that on a comment from my birthday that some girl from my high school put in the message a simple heart emoji and she understood that it was before we started in a relationship. I told to her all the things i was going through in high school and told her the other girls that i liked when i was in high school and before that but nothing happened.

I dont remember when and why but she told me that i needed to delete all the girls i had in facebook the reason was that why i had them there if i didn't talked to her, that if we broke up i will start talking to another girl. After some discussions i did it, i deleted those contacts from my facebook just to avoid more problems.

So i felt like she was some what insecure in some aspects, reason of the girls in facebook is because before me from what she told me her first ex was an asshole and that he worried more about some female friend instead of her. She eventually broke up with him and then started a relationship with another guy, she told me at first he was really nice person but then he was controlling everything she does even she went out of high school because she was depressed and because of the guy.

After that i tried to be different from her other exes but i was doing mistake by mistake. Not thinking before talking, she told me that i was acting weird or even she told me if i really liked her not only in the feeling but in a physical way. She said that i was a selfish person because i only though on me, all because she wanted to try sex without condom and get birth control pills instead, and i told her i wasnt feeling confortable with that, that i preferred with condom (tbh i didn't have enough knowledge about the pills in that moment) so told me that i didn't had enough confidence and i needed to quit that fear of doing new things.

On a day before we broke up, she told me that i wasn't being a "man" because i wasn't doing some things like putting initiative in the relationship or being more courageous (i think is the correct word?) in that aspect.

The reason we broke up was she told me that i lied to her, because of all the problems we had about the contacts in Facebook, i added a girl from my class that also went with me in high school, though that i wanted something with her (she already has a boyfriend, wtf seriously). I added her because she wanted to give me back a pencil and saw that i deleted her and my friend told me that. Also i decided that because why i cant add a friend just and just for school related meanwhile other guys give like to her pictures? So the reason was because i lied that wouldn't add anyone of the contacts and she was very upset and angry with me, that what i did was very low.

So that was the reason, i'm very upset and angry of all the errors i did during the relationship, she was my first girlfriend and i lost her  she eventually deleted me from Facebook and also her brother, that made me more sad because i hoped we could be friends in some point. Sorry for the long post but i needed to take out all of this from my mind. I still think she is a wonderful person and even thought that i will never know any other girl like her  (it might sound a like a cliche). My sister even blocked her and i feel that may put things a little bad, well idk maybe i'm getting worried a lot with the situation.

I still have feelings for her, i would like to get back to her and get things better but in some way i feel like if we get back some things may be the same. Also i feel i'm not ready for a full relationship like moving on with her for example, i'm in 5th semester on university (i'm 22) and i would like to finish school first so i can be full time in a relationship but as she told me if i truly love her i would even move with her regarding of the grade i'm in school but idk maybe is insecurity or maybe i think a lot of everything, am i selfish for thinking that or i should have been more courageous regarding that on moving with her when she told me? :s

I really need some help with this, its my first break up and it feels like shit even i feel my anxiety problems are getting back now. I appreciate any help from you guys. Thanks and again sorry for the long post and/or bad grammar.


----------



## Bobro

SevenStringSam said:


> my girlfriend is huge in theatre and just got a part where she has to kiss another guy. so what the hell do i do. i know its gunna eat away at me. so what now?



Can't let that stuff bother you, it's just theater! You wouldn't want her to get peeved if it were you up on stage kissing an actress, would you? That being said, my previous wife is an opera singer and in one production she had to kiss another (pretty hot!) woman, and that didn't bother me in the slightest!


----------



## Space_Shift

So, after a while I posted my ex-gf now its on a relationship. I dont know how to feel right now, i thought that on some point i could or maybe be in good terms with her like a friend or even that we could be back but nope, its with another person right now. I dont know what to do now, i feel like shit in some way or another


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Space_Shift said:


> So, after a while I posted my ex-gf now its on a relationship. I dont know how to feel right now, i thought that on some point i could or maybe be in good terms with her like a friend or even that we could be back but nope, its with another person right now. I dont know what to do now, i feel like shit in some way or another


She kicked you to the curb because she already had that guy lined up to take your place. On a positive note, at least she broke up with you first instead of having you catch her cheating on you, which would make the hurt you feel that much worse.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

Obsidian Soul said:


> She kicked you to the curb because she already had that guy lined up to take your place. On a positive note, at least she broke up with you first instead of having you catch her cheating on you, which would make the hurt you feel that much worse.


You don't know that for certain. She could've broke up with him in the early stages of being a scandalous thot.


----------



## will_shred

Just here to shitpost, don't mind me. 

Start of the new semester, I have theory class and ear training class with a girl who I had audio with last semester. We start talking, just "how was your summer?" ect. Later I think I caught her checking me out, and than she asked for my number. She said she would help me with math and I can help her with guitar. So we've been texting every day and hanging out after class, and she has helped me with my math homework lol. Shes really cute, I like her a lot. Shes one of the only girls in the music program at our school, soooo naturally a lot of guys have hit on her. But I think that her and I actually have some chemistry. We have plans to go hiking this weekend, wish me luck!


----------



## marcwormjim

Classy move suggestion: Wear a skirt; so she has something to hike.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

marcwormjim said:


> Classy move suggestion: Wear a skirt; so she has something to hike.


I think she should be the one wearing a skirt, and not Will. Unless... you know, they are into that sorta gender role swap. In which case, have at it.


----------



## Space_Shift

Obsidian Soul said:


> She kicked you to the curb because she already had that guy lined up to take your place. On a positive note, at least she broke up with you first instead of having you catch her cheating on you, which would make the hurt you feel that much worse.



Thanks for the reply, well i'm not sure and i don't want to make any assumptions. I haven't slept well in these last two days because i've been thinking about that situation. I feel sad and i feel my anxiety is returning :/

It's very weird because as i said in my first post, she broke up with me because she say that I "lied" to her that i wouldn't add any other girl on fb again, it seems like a very poor excuse because i think that could be solved with both talking about it but i felt that with all the problems she had enough. Just so you know, i didnt have any intentions on cheating on her I wouldn't do that to her. The girl i added on fb was a high school classmate and is on one of my classes in university btw she has a boyfriend and never had any interest in said person, as i said it's a very weird situation.

Also she told me that she maybe was considering returning with me and that she wouldnt stay with another person, well i think she said that to me so i didnt felt so bad about the break and i think it made me feel more bad when i knew a week later that she was with this other guy.

Any suggestions on how to get over a break up? I really really need an advice because is my first time feeling this way and i dont know what to do


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Space_Shift said:


> Thanks for the reply, well i'm not sure and i don't want to make any assumptions. I haven't slept well in these last two days because i've been thinking about that situation. I feel sad and i feel my anxiety is returning :/
> 
> It's very weird because as i said in my first post, she broke up with me because she say that I "lied" to her that i wouldn't add any other girl on fb again, it seems like a very poor excuse because i think that could be solved with both talking about it but i felt that with all the problems she had enough. Just so you know, i didnt have any intentions on cheating on her I wouldn't do that to her. The girl i added on fb was a high school classmate and is on one of my classes in university btw she has a boyfriend and never had any interest in said person, as i said it's a very weird situation.
> 
> Also she told me that she maybe was considering returning with me and that she wouldnt stay with another person, well i think she said that to me so i didnt felt so bad about the break and i think it made me feel more bad when i knew a week later that she was with this other guy.
> 
> Any suggestions on how to get over a break up? I really really need an advice because is my first time feeling this way and i dont know what to do



Honestly, man... Hate to say it but you're just going to feel like shit for a while. That's unfortunately the long and short of it. There's nothing that you can really do that's going to make you feel all that much better... not at the moment anyway. Heartache is part of life/ life sucks sometimes/ relationships are seldom comforting on the way out. You hit the floor emotionally... That's it. Now how long you lie on the floor is up to you. But don't misunderstand me... Your heart will wallow just as long as you allow it to. Your heart is sensitive ( especially now) so how are you going to make that heart feel better? You're not.. not atm anyway. What you instead need to familiarize yourself with ( at whatever point that you feel that you've grieved over this long enough), is healthy management of the loss/ void. That's where your brain comes in. You must use your brain's survival instinct to force yourself to move forward. The heart may not want to but the heart is in no position to help you now. It is currently, instead... a liability... not an asset. Let your heart sulk all it wants right now. This is the time to rediscover your common sense and your survival instincts. You must keep moving forward and although your heart may not be willing or able, your mind is! So vent, hurt, lick your wounds, seek support, reevaluate your priorities, and welcome to a time in your life that's just gonna have to suck-ass for a while. It's just how it is. Time will heal this no matter how much you think that the pain of your particular situation/ failed relationship is so unique or so insurmountable... It is not. But if you're going to get beyond this, then you're going to HAVE to team up with your brain and come up with a game-plan to put this all behind you. Eventually this emotional trauma will subside and you will find yourself back on the path. You'll probably have some emotional scars from this certainly... but you should not and can not allow yourself to dwell on this indefinitely nor in an obsessive way. Keep using your head... That's what it's there for and it will in time guide you... Just gonna take some time and some effort.


----------



## will_shred

Spaced Out Ace said:


> I think she should be the one wearing a skirt, and not Will. Unless... you know, they are into that sorta gender role swap. In which case, have at it.



Shes not really a skirt kind of person but damn that would be nice


----------



## MFB

Space_Shift said:


> Any suggestions on how to get over a break up? I really really need an advice because is my first time feeling this way and i dont know what to do



Embrace the pain, get all the feelings out as they come because bottling and denying makes them fester and much worse, and then you'll one day just move past it.


----------



## TedEH

Space_Shift said:


> Any suggestions on how to get over a break up?


Go out and embrace the single-ness. Do all the things you couldn't do because you had a partner who held you back. Go to shows and movies and things on your own with the confidence that you can enjoy them on your own terms. Start a hobby or a project that you wouldn't have time for if you had a partner to think about. Get out and explore the parts of your home town you've never seen before- find some coffee shops or bars or places with cool themes, or stores that you've thought "I should go in there some day", or something and meet some new people- and I don't mean go pick up women, I mean just go be social and talk to people and enjoy socializing without any pressure or expectations. Give yourself a goal- maybe fitness, or a career goal, or a knowledge goal, or something, that you can throw yourself into- both to get your mind off of what's getting you down, but also because those are good things to do anyway. Make your life about you, instead of about the people you surround yourself with. Acknowledge that the reasons your relationship broke down were petty and juvenile (I re-read your original post- they really were), and embrace the fact that you don't need that nonsense in your life. Go talk to all the women you want to, add them all to facebook if you want, because you are your own person and are free to do as you please.

How do you get over a breakup? Whatever way you want to, because now there's nobody to tell you otherwise.


----------



## bostjan

Simic said:


> Thanks for the suggestions dudes, after reading your replies we had a talk and we came to a conclusion that we really like each other and that this relationship has evolved past just friends. But seeing as I'm going on an exchange for a year and after I get back she's going on an exchange for a year which means we won't see each other for 2 years (except when visiting) we agreed we will wait until then to see how our lives have evolved and then maybe go for it. But just having that talk has made me feel much better, I truly thank all the ppl replying because otherwise I wouldn't bring up this topic and wouldn't have had the talk
> 
> edit: And bostjan thanks for the Slovenian proverb haha, do you have Slovenian roots? Your name sure implies it



Oops, I missed that somehow the first time around. Sorry. Yeah, my ancestors were from Slovenia. Your outcome sounds pretty responsible, and hopefully positive.


----------



## russmuller

Space_Shift said:


> Any suggestions on how to get over a break up? I really really need an advice because is my first time feeling this way and i dont know what to do



Distraction and time. Some wounds heal slow. Just remember that the pain will pass.


----------



## lewis

the one and only time I took a break up hard I tried embracing single life and got myself in a right mess.
TBH it was so easy. Once you update your FB status to "single" i had about 5 different girls PM me within 30 mins of booting the ex out my house. Felt good and was toooooo tempting.

Slept around, had an HIV scare, met some crazy crazy women and got involved with some utter dickhead people.

Glad it only lasted a few months at best. The ex was a complete nightmare who cheated on me with my then bands vocalist so everything crashed down on me at once. I didnt even have music as an escape because the band imploded after that.

She was amazing in bed though. Seriously dirty. Once I taught her some stuff It opened pandora's box. Best lay ever.

But then cheating whores tend to be so hardly surprising.


----------



## marcwormjim

At least she wasn't one of those lemon-stealing whores.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

lewis said:


> the one and only time I took a break up hard I tried embracing single life and got myself in a right mess.
> TBH it was so easy. Once you update your FB status to "single" i had about 5 different girls PM me within 30 mins of booting the ex out my house. Felt good and was toooooo tempting.
> 
> Slept around, had an HIV scare, met some crazy crazy women and got involved with some utter dickhead people.
> 
> Glad it only lasted a few months at best. The ex was a complete nightmare who cheated on me with my then bands vocalist so everything crashed down on me at once. I didnt even have music as an escape because the band imploded after that.
> 
> She was amazing in bed though. Seriously dirty. Once I taught her some stuff It opened pandora's box. Best lay ever.
> 
> But then cheating whores tend to be so hardly surprising.


So technically you might be the cause for her cheating. I mean, once you opened Pandora's box and all...


----------



## lewis

Spaced Out Ace said:


> So technically you might be the cause for her cheating. I mean, once you opened Pandora's box and all...


I beat myself up about that question for the longest time........until I found out she had cheated on previous partners before me.

But yeah, she was pretty ignorant until I showed her what her own body could do haha. Her exes must have been complete fools lol.


----------



## Space_Shift

TedEH said:


> Go out and embrace the single-ness. Do all the things you couldn't do because you had a partner who held you back. Go to shows and movies and things on your own with the confidence that you can enjoy them on your own terms. Start a hobby or a project that you wouldn't have time for if you had a partner to think about. Get out and explore the parts of your home town you've never seen before- find some coffee shops or bars or places with cool themes, or stores that you've thought "I should go in there some day", or something and meet some new people- and I don't mean go pick up women, I mean just go be social and talk to people and enjoy socializing without any pressure or expectations. Give yourself a goal- maybe fitness, or a career goal, or a knowledge goal, or something, that you can throw yourself into- both to get your mind off of what's getting you down, but also because those are good things to do anyway. Make your life about you, instead of about the people you surround yourself with. Acknowledge that the reasons your relationship broke down were petty and juvenile (I re-read your original post- they really were), and embrace the fact that you don't need that nonsense in your life. Go talk to all the women you want to, add them all to facebook if you want, because you are your own person and are free to do as you please.
> 
> How do you get over a breakup? Whatever way you want to, because now there's nobody to tell you otherwise.



Thank you so much for all the replies, i really appreciate it. It has been a tough time since that day, i will start going to a psychologist because of my anxiety problems.
I don't know if what i'm doing is the right thing but both had a good friend where we worked, and i wanted to ask to him if he talked to her or just ask something about her. Is asking that a bad idea?


----------



## TedEH

Space_Shift said:


> Is asking that a bad idea?


Maybe, maybe not. Personally, I wouldn't do it. You're poking at something that's just going to hurt you some more. That's the opposite of moving on.


----------



## TedEH

lewis said:


> Once you update your FB status to "single" i had about 5 different girls PM me within 30 mins of booting the ex out my house.


Weird to hear how vastly different people's experiences are. I've been single for what must be 4 years-ish by now, and when I "announced" the fact, I heard nothing. Granted, I've never been much to look at, and maybe I'm a bit weird, so I wasn't expecting much.

I dunno if it's kinda sad, but I used to get zero attention from women when I was heavier. I lost a whole ton of weight and now that I'm starting to cross that line into "being attractive on some level", I notice that people in general look at me very differently. Like if I happen to make eye contact with a cashier or random lady in public or what have you, I might get a smile or something from them, where before they'd just awkwardly look away. I'm not a different person, I'm just in a shape that's a bit easier on the eyes. I think it's telling of how people judge others. And I'm still not used to it- if someone compliments me, I used to know for sure that it was just out of politeness, but now I'm not sure. I still carry that sort of weird I-don't-think-of-myself-as-attractive attitude with me.

Oh well. Just thinking out loud because why not.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> Weird to hear how vastly different people's experiences are. I've been single for what must be 4 years-ish by now, and when I "announced" the fact, I heard nothing. Granted, I've never been much to look at, and maybe I'm a bit weird, so I wasn't expecting much.


This. I've been single 3-4 years, and didn't get jack shit for offers when I "announced" I was single. Then again, I am ugly and weird, so whatever. Don't really miss the stress, pressure, and worrying about whether or not the other person is cheating or not. I'm also not missing worrying about catching something, and no, condoms are not "safe sex."


----------



## TedEH

For the record, when I said "embrace the single life", I didn't mean go wild and party and sleep around. 

I meant to say it's a great opportunity to redefine yourself around independence. I took the opportunity to do things like record a CD, I went on a tour, I've done some traveling around the country, I vastly improved my health, started some new projects, etc. I've brought myself to a point where I can by happy as a single person, because I've centered my life around my own wants and needs, and my own growth as a person, instead of centering my life around the ideal of being back in a relationship again.


----------



## lewis

sounds like you 2 need a good wing man haha. Being single has its massive pros though lads. No nagging, compromising, not having arguments, not losing every argument whether right or wrong, having whichever gear you want. 
The list goes on and on.

Confidence defo helps with women and surprisingly so does being a bit a a dick. When I went off the rails I unfairly, subconsciously, viewed all women as bad and potential cheaters as a response to being cheated on. I didnt even realise I had done that until I got over it. And that treat em mean keep em keen thing actually works. 
Rregards to the FB thing. Yeah at first it angered me a little that some girls would see a dude announce how tough the breakup was and be instantly messaging them with all comforts and sympathies. I.e They want to swoop now you are single. I thought to myself at first "wow thats quite low of them". Then looked at the positives and having attention is always nice so I rolled with it.

I was Weird then.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

lewis said:


> Being single has its massive pros though lads. No nagging, compromising, not having arguments, not losing every argument whether right or wrong, having whichever gear you want.
> The list goes on and on.


Yeah, I'm certainly not missing all that many aspects of dating.



lewis said:


> Confidence defo helps with women and surprisingly so does being a bit a a dick. When I went off the rails I unfairly, subconsciously, viewed all women as bad and potential cheaters as a response to being cheated on. I didnt even realise I had done that until I got over it. And that treat em mean keep em keen thing actually works.


If you say so. I have a problem relating to them more than anything. A lot of them are incredibly vapid, vain, and not all that interesting.



lewis said:


> Rregards to the FB thing. Yeah at first it angered me a little that some girls would see a dude announce how tough the breakup was and be instantly messaging them with all comforts and sympathies. I.e They want to swoop now you are single. I thought to myself at first "wow thats quite low of them". Then looked at the positives and having attention is always nice so I rolled with it.


Fuck em. Literally. As Gene used to say, "Love em, leave em... love em, leave em, yeah."



lewis said:


> I was Weird then.


Hah! "Was"?


----------



## lewis

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Yeah, I'm certainly not missing all that many aspects of dating.
> 
> 
> If you say so. I have a problem relating to them more than anything. A lot of them are incredibly vapid, vain, and not all that interesting.
> 
> 
> Fuck em. Literally. As Gene used to say, "Love em, leave em... love em, leave em, yeah."
> 
> 
> Hah! "Was"?


*weirder then


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

lewis said:


> *weirder then


I was just having a little fun at your expense.


----------



## will_shred

Update: Went out with the girl in my theory class, we went for a hike, grabbed dinner, went back to my place, went canoeing, and than watched Rick and Morty (which she had never seen before!), than cuddled while watching the movie John Dies at the End. It was a great date! Dropped her off, she gave me a kiss at the door, and we have plans to hang today.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

will_shred said:


> Update: Went out with the girl in my theory class, we went for a hike, grabbed dinner, went back to my place, went canoeing, and than watched Rick and Morty (which she had never seen before!), than cuddled while watching the movie John Dies at the End. It was a great date! Dropped her off, she gave me a kiss at the door, and we have plans to hang today.


The order of events makes "canoeing" sound dirty.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

^^^ lmao... Indeed.


----------



## TedEH

lewis said:


> sounds like you 2 need a good wing man haha.


If it was my goal to pick up the kinds of women for which you'd need a wingman, then sure. But I'm otherwise perfectly happy in my single-ness. Kinda prefer it that way, one way or another. 

I look at it this way: Either I'll meet someone naturally who "fits" within the life I'm already trying to build for myself, or I won't, and I won't have to worry about being held back by someone who isn't compatible with how I want to live my life.


----------



## Space_Shift

Thanks for the replies to my other comment about what to do about the break up. Yesterday was a fun day with my friends of my high school, we went to the cinema and later to eat dinner.

But when i was in home i did the worst thing, i was curious about my ex and then found the profile of the new guy she is with and i saw a pic of both, i felt devastated in that moment and also very angry at my self and started to remember stuff about her. So i decided to throw away all the stuff that she gave to me and forget everything.

I really had enough of that and hurting myself, i dont want to know anything about her or expect nothing.

I will just keep myself busy and in making the change of my life. If the time is right i will meet another girl and hopefully make everything the right way.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

Space_Shift said:


> Thanks for the replies to my other comment about what to do about the break up. Yesterday was a fun day with my friends of my high school, we went to the cinema and later to eat dinner.
> 
> But when i was in home i did the worst thing, i was curious about my ex and then found the profile of the new guy she is with and i saw a pic of both, i felt devastated in that moment and also very angry at my self and started to remember stuff about her. So i decided to throw away all the stuff that she gave to me and forget everything.
> 
> I really had enough of that and hurting myself, i dont want to know anything about her or expect nothing.
> 
> I will just keep myself busy and in making the change of my life. If the time is right i will meet another girl and hopefully make everything the right way.


That's probably for the best. It's not worth it anyways. And either way, they too will break up, and either she will make his life a living hell, or he will end up fucking her over. Either way, you gotta let people shove a fork into the electricity outlet.


----------



## Space_Shift

Spaced Out Ace said:


> That's probably for the best. It's not worth it anyways. And either way, they too will break up, and either she will make his life a living hell, or he will end up fucking her over. Either way, you gotta let people shove a fork into the electricity outlet.



Well i doubt that, the other guy seems to be a better than me and she seems happy. But as you said, its not worth it on thinking about that anymore.


----------



## oracles

Space_Shift said:


> Well i doubt that, the other guy seems to be a better than me.



I don't think you, or this new guy are the problem, SHE is the problem. From the sounds of it, she has some serious insecurities that are going to require a lot of work before she's truly able to be in a healthy, positive, functional relationship.


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## will_shred

One last update and i'll see myself out. I guess its safe to say that we're now a thing, and i'm super happy! I mean, I was happy with my single life too, but a girlfriend as good as her is just icing on the cake. Cheers dudes!


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

will_shred said:


> One last update and i'll see myself out. I guess its safe to say that we're now a thing, and i'm super happy! I mean, I was happy with my single life too, but a girlfriend as good as her is just icing on the cake. Cheers dudes!


Gloater!


----------



## will_shred

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Gloater!



%100 

But really, it took me a long time to get to the point where I was content with my single life. And after actually being able to enjoy that freedom, I'm with someone who doesn't make me feel confined and brings out the best side of me.


----------



## Space_Shift

oracles said:


> I don't think you, or this new guy are the problem, SHE is the problem. From the sounds of it, she has some serious insecurities that are going to require a lot of work before she's truly able to be in a healthy, positive, functional relationship.



I tried to help her with that situation, i'm not perfect too, because i have my own insecurities and problems but i tried to give all to her and that she was the best person to me.
In some occasions she told me that she was worried that "i might go with another girl that would be better that her" and i always told to her that nobody was better that her, i was loyal to her in every way. 

But it's more sad to me that with all those things she said to me, she's with another person after a week we broke up.

After 3 weeks of the broke up i feel not too sad but i tend to remember the good moments with her and tell to myself on why it happened and i would like to return in time and make things the best way. Last Tuesday i received a message on Whatsapp from her saying to me "I hope you are well", i feel a little weird now about that message. I replied with the same thing to her, she only watched the message with no reply.


----------



## Simic

Me again, so I'm just looking to see if what I feel is normal - I feel this forum has some great insight for us 'youngsters' when it comes to relationships.

So anyway, the girl I was on about in my last post - with whom I agreed to see what happens when we're both back from our exchanges (which is in 2 years) - has just became friends with my ex (note to self: why did I have to hook up with so many girls from my own uni??) and she told me she feels guilty because of what we are doing. Today, I decided it is best for both of us to totally end anything we had left (I've been gone for 2 weeks now already) including texting.

I feel like it was the mature and right thing to do because if her and my ex have a chance at being good friends I feel like I don't want to be the thing standing in their way. Like I tried to be empathetic and thought about my good friends - all their exes are a no-go simply because of our friendship - so I understand the dilemma she was feeling, I just helped her solve it quickly. We both thanked each other for the time spent together and the lessons we learned and told each other that we're really gonna miss 'us'.

However, I still feel like shit today, although I understand what she is feeling right now and I want what's best for both of them. It's just the fact that I've been texting/talking with this person for the last half a year all day every day and now suddenly she is gone from my life and the plan to "see what happens in 2 years" is also probably dead. I feel like I did the right thing and I am proud of myself for it and I wanna be happy about it as well but I still feel like shit today even though I really try not to, like I went for a run, I went to the gym, I ate healthy but nothing helps.

This is normal right? Anything I can do to make me feel better about it? Like it already motivated me to be a better version of myself (as did every break up) so that once they see me again they see what they're missing out on (I know this sounds childish, but this is what motivates me at the gym for example). What I am basically asking myself is if I carry too much emotional baggage to succeed with the next girl or are the things I'm feeling normal?


----------



## MFB

Uh, why can't they be friends and you two also be a couple? 

The only thing that logically would stand to make that a bad situation is if one, or both, of you wanted to get back with the other. But you'd have this new girl, and if she (the ex) was to be truly friends with new girl - she'd see her happiness and acknowledge that it'd be a shitty move to try and destroy that for her own; because that's not what a friend does.


----------



## Simic

I totally agree, I debated the situation with a friend yesterday and came to conclusion that if she is what I feel she is, this won't get in the way for much longer (you know how girls in their early 20s form and also break up friendships in like 3 weeks). And if this is such a deal breaker then I guess she wasn't what I thought she was and it wasn't worth the effort anyway


----------



## Tyler

Was off an on with a chick for a while. Not sure why I stayed around as she cheated on me with a guy I hate, was abusive mentally, emotionally, and physically (I had to get her arrested one night) as well as super manipulative, and ended up making me look like the problem in the long run.

Overall though, what really sucks is when someone makes you upset, then blows up on you for being upset


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

Tyler said:


> Was off an on with a chick for a while. Not sure why I stayed around as she cheated on me with a guy I hate, was abusive mentally, emotionally, and physically (I had to get her arrested one night) as well as super manipulative, and ended up making me look like the problem in the long run.
> 
> Overall though, what really sucks is when someone makes you upset, then blows up on you for being upset


Because you don't value yourself and have low self-worth.


----------



## Church2224

Here is a question....

Is anyone here on the Autism Spectrum and in a relationship? Reason I ask is I am (I have been diagnosed) and I am trying to figure out a few things as I know when it comes to women I go from 0 to full Aspy in .5 seconds.


----------



## Tyler

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Because you don't value yourself and have low self-worth.



I think thats true just because Ive been walked over so many times that its been deteriorated. This was the second relationship in a row Ive been both cheated on and abused in multiple ways.


----------



## youngthrasher9

I don't know where else to ask this, but here goes.

Does anyone have any tips for a guy who fell for a girl that has really bad PTSD? 

I learned how to help during a flashback from some of my buddies who were in the military, so that part is a non-issue other than the fact that it can be fucking terrifying.


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## naw38

If you know how to help with flashbacks, I don't see what the issue could be. I don't know man, same as any other relationship, just be patient, learn to recognise triggers, have contingency plans in place. Vigilance!

Edit: That probably wasn't helpful, I'm sorry. I'm exhausted and sick and drunk and my daughter ain't even gone to bed.


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## Zender

You have two options basically (and I'll voice them rather harsh, to make them clear)
1) I can't deal with this, I don't want this drama in my life.. -> GTFO. And deal with the temporary shitty feeling of not being with her.
2) She's worth it, and I will stand by her, even through the hard times, and NOT dick around if things go a bit sideways, because that will hurt her even more and put a broken heart and trust issues on top of PTSD.

If you choose 2, do it with proper conviction. It may be a bumpy ride, but if she's worth it, she's worth it. Be honest to yourself, and to her. And maybe, accept it if you are not the one to help her and be with her. If you are the one, go for it!

(Talking from experience, I went for it, and never looked back, dealt with the rough bits that still sometimes pop up. And now have the most awesome friend, partner and perhaps one day wife and mother of our children I could ever wish for. Been together for almost ten years.)

[edit note] Also, contingency plans (as in, keeping a girl on the side who might be interested in you, or whatever you call it) are a bad idea. They take away from your emotional investment in the one you are with. It's all or nothing, don't dick around and let those contingency plans have a life of their own as well. [/edit note]


----------



## naw38

Oh shit man, that’s not what I meant by contingency plans; I meant in the event that PTSD flairs up on a date or event, having a way out or a way to deal with the situation.


----------



## naw38

Edit: stupid double post.


----------



## Zender

naw38 said:


> Oh shit man, that’s not what I meant by contingency plans; I meant in the event that PTSD flairs up on a date or event, having a way out or a way to deal with the situation.



Right, good on you. *grin* 

Well yes, that is indeed something to keep in mind as it will happen. Maybe talk it over beforehand to see what you can do to help if something like that happens.

Sometimes it's just "Don't get mad if I want to go home, just go with me." and you'll be fine with it.


----------



## naw38

Zender said:


> Sometimes it's just "Don't get mad if I want to go home, just go with me." and you'll be fine with it.



So, my wife and I are polyamorous, and this right here is pretty much how you deal with anything; I imagine it's the same for any relationship but it's something that's become immensely important since we became poly - communication, and understanding of each others feelings. Basically just shutting the fuck up and listening to what each other has to say and seeing things from their perspective, finding out what your partner needs, giving it to them and being accepting. All relationships are hard, but that makes things easier for us.


----------



## marcwormjim

https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/cuckolding/


----------



## broj15

Long stupid blog post incoming. If ya don't care about ex gf drama then skip the first part.

OK, so I've gone through alot of changes in the past couple months and I feel like I need to write it somewhere to put it into perspective. 

Two months ago me and my partner of 1 year broke up. We had been experiencing issues for quite some time, but things finally came to a breaking point for her. We tried to make it work and fix our problems for a while, but it wasn't getting better. Then we tried to get along as friends, but that didn't work because, admittedly I was doing it with the intention of us getting back together. She wasn't. During this time she was talking to/sleeping with other guys as well as me. I found this out and decided I'd had enough of it. A week or two and several arguments later I decided it was best if I not talk to her again. That was about 2 weeks ago. In that time she's tried to contact me 3 times. The first 2 times I either didn't respond or brushed her off. The last time she asked me if I hated her and I said no, but that I no longer felt anything for her and didn't want to talk to her anymore. She got upset and said what she always says: "it was you who gave up on us, you're so selfish, etc. Etc". Now, I've noticed she has a pattern. She always tries to be "friends" with her ex's, especially ones she knows she's hurt, in order to make herself feel less guilty about hurting them. I know that's what she's trying to do with me, and I'm not going to play into it cuz it just means trouble. 


Now, on to a lighter, much more positive note (and possible advice needed). After finally cutting things off with my ex (though I'd say I subconsciously wanted to for quite a while) I decided fvck it, and re downloaded tinder. It doesn't take long and I match with a girl who's pretty damn cute, and seems interesting enough so I send her a message. A couple days later and we decide to meet up. Things go smoothly: non stop conversation, we make each other laugh, etc. That was last Friday and we've hung out 2 more times since then. Tonight was the third time we've hung out. Before we parted ways she said she had a really good time and we ended up kissing for the first time. Perhaps TMI but I initiated like the first 25% and then she enthusiastically came the rest of the way.

Now, here's my "problem". Since the break up with my ex was relatively recent, and tbh quite rough my confidence is still pretty low right now. Also, for whatever reason I can not get a read on this girl to save my life. Typically I'm very perceptive of how people _really _feel about me in general, but she's different. Not like she's playing me hot n cold, but more like hot and luke warm if that makes sense, but she's also kinda awkward/shy in general so it could just be part of that. 

So in sso's opinion does it sound like I'm just overanalyzing everything because I'm still kinda "recovering" from the break up and that I really have nothing to worry about? I feel like it would make it alot easier and maybe relieve some of the tension if I'm just straight forward with her. As in I'm not really looking for a hook-up, but I don't want something serious right off the bat, but I do like her and I definitely enjoy hanging out with her. 

Well, that was longer than I expected, but if anyone can sift through all that, I'd appreciate any advice y'all got.


----------



## Edika

At broj15, concerning the second part of your post I'd say yes you're overanalyzing the situation and it makes sense as you're coming out of a breakup. They usually say honesty is the best way but being too honest on the wrong timing is not the correct strategy. If you have a good time with this girl and are not sure if you're want to be serious then just take everything a day at a time. See how it goes and react accordingly. Not everything has to be planned in advance and have specific goals, especially romantic affairs. If it works out great, if it doesn't then you'll just part ways.


----------



## JoeyJoJoJrShabadoo

A month ago or so I matched with a girl on Tinder and we hit it off pretty fast, exchanged numbers and have been talking non-stop since. I asked her out for that weekend but she was heading back home for Christmas and was staying for 3 weeks to focus on an assignment for uni. Fair enough, timing is a funny thing. Anyway, we continue to talk the entire time and before we've even met it's become clear we're both quite into each other. Earlier this week I asked her out on a date for this weekend when she's back. She said "I'm sorry but I'll have to reluctantly decline so I can do the finishing touches on my assignment. It's due Monday". I said "That's totally fine, we'll just get together next weekend". So last night (the day of the proposed date she turned down) we're talking, and she tells me she's off to the pub with her friend. I didn't hear from her the rest of the night. She messages me in the morning like it's no big deal.

What the fuck? I know I haven't met this girl yet, but I've been talking to her for nearly a month non-stop, and I was perfectly understanding when she turned me down for what seemed to me a perfectly valid reason. Yet she just goes out on that same day like I never even asked her? Like her excuse for not going on a date was bullshit.

Am I right to be upset/annoyed? I haven't responded to her message she sent this morning. Feels wrong to be sort of ghosting her, but I feel like I've been wronged.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

OliOliver said:


> A month ago or so I matched with a girl on Tinder and we hit it off pretty fast, exchanged numbers and have been talking non-stop since. I asked her out for that weekend but she was heading back home for Christmas and was staying for 3 weeks to focus on an assignment for uni. Fair enough, timing is a funny thing. Anyway, we continue to talk the entire time and before we've even met it's become clear we're both quite into each other. Earlier this week I asked her out on a date for this weekend when she's back. She said "I'm sorry but I'll have to reluctantly decline so I can do the finishing touches on my assignment. It's due Monday". I said "That's totally fine, we'll just get together next weekend". So last night (the day of the proposed date she turned down) we're talking, and she tells me she's off to the pub with her friend. I didn't hear from her the rest of the night. She messages me in the morning like it's no big deal.
> 
> What the fuck? I know I haven't met this girl yet, but I've been talking to her for nearly a month non-stop, and I was perfectly understanding when she turned me down for what seemed to me a perfectly valid reason. Yet she just goes out on that same day like I never even asked her? Like her excuse for not going on a date was bullshit.
> 
> Am I right to be upset/annoyed? I haven't responded to her message she sent this morning. Feels wrong to be sort of ghosting her, but I feel like I've been wronged.


I'd act like she doesn't exist. Just move on.


----------



## Edika

OliOliver said:


> A month ago or so I matched with a girl on Tinder and we hit it off pretty fast, exchanged numbers and have been talking non-stop since. I asked her out for that weekend but she was heading back home for Christmas and was staying for 3 weeks to focus on an assignment for uni. Fair enough, timing is a funny thing. Anyway, we continue to talk the entire time and before we've even met it's become clear we're both quite into each other. Earlier this week I asked her out on a date for this weekend when she's back. She said "I'm sorry but I'll have to reluctantly decline so I can do the finishing touches on my assignment. It's due Monday". I said "That's totally fine, we'll just get together next weekend". So last night (the day of the proposed date she turned down) we're talking, and she tells me she's off to the pub with her friend. I didn't hear from her the rest of the night. She messages me in the morning like it's no big deal.
> 
> What the fuck? I know I haven't met this girl yet, but I've been talking to her for nearly a month non-stop, and I was perfectly understanding when she turned me down for what seemed to me a perfectly valid reason. Yet she just goes out on that same day like I never even asked her? Like her excuse for not going on a date was bullshit.
> 
> Am I right to be upset/annoyed? I haven't responded to her message she sent this morning. Feels wrong to be sort of ghosting her, but I feel like I've been wronged.



On a completely opposite note from Spaced Out Ace I'd say that most probably she finished the assignment earlier than what she was expecting and decided to head out with a friend to clear her mind. She wasn't going to send you, a guy she never met and only has been talking for a month, a last moment text to go out as it would seem like an invitation for more. If you're going yo meet someone for the first time in person it's better to be a planned event rather than a last moment spontaneous act. At least for most women that's the case as the stakes are higher if the other person turns out to be a douche/psycho/whatever. At least she was upfront and honest of going out and I'm sure she didn't even think about it like that, even if it seems so.
Now to be honest she might not want to actually want to meet and your suspicions might be right. You won't have the chance to find out if you cut communication now or come at her like she is messing with you. Just act normal and even make a comment in the light that since she finally did go out that night it would have been nice if you could have joined her and her friend.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

Edika said:


> On a completely opposite note from Spaced Out Ace I'd say that most probably she finished the assignment earlier than what she was expecting and decided to head out with a friend to clear her mind. She wasn't going to send you, a guy she never met and only has been talking for a month, a last moment text to go out as it would seem like an invitation for more. If you're going yo meet someone for the first time in person it's better to be a planned event rather than a last moment spontaneous act. At least for most women that's the case as the stakes are higher if the other person turns out to be a douche/psycho/whatever. At least she was upfront and honest of going out and I'm sure she didn't even think about it like that, even if it seems so.
> Now to be honest she might not want to actually want to meet and your suspicions might be right. You won't have the chance to find out if you cut communication now or come at her like she is messing with you. Just act normal and even make a comment in the light that since she finally did go out that night it would have been nice if you could have joined her and her friend.


If I were him, I'd pass. Two attempts have been strikes; shall he try for a third time and strike out, or just cut his losses? As he said, it's like her excuse for not going out on a date was bs, which it likely could've been. I've dealt with a lot of flakes and timewasters and this chick sounds like one.


----------



## Edika

Spaced Out Ace said:


> If I were him, I'd pass. Two attempts have been strikes; shall he try for a third time and strike out, or just cut his losses? As he said, it's like her excuse for not going out on a date was bs, which it likely could've been. I've dealt with a lot of flakes and timewasters and this chick sounds like one.



It might very well be. By the time this whole online dating/meeting thing became so popular I was already in a relationship with my wife so I never bothered (god I feel old just thinking about it). So I haven't had extensive experience with online flakers and timewasters. The point I was trying to make is that going out to clear your mind with a friend after finishing an assignment is different than planning for a meeting with a possible romantic interest. Whenever I had assignments back in Uni I'd decline to go out with people. If I did manage to finish early I'd call them up and see if they were out planning to go out. But it's a different thing calling mates to go out than a girl I was interested in and was trying to go out with, that I had already told I'd be unavailable. And I was in the OliOliver's shoes a couple of times were a girl would be busy and seem like she was avoiding me but was just busy.

Now since this is just Tinder chatting and there's no actual emotional investment going on, as there shouldn't since they haven't actually met, there is no reason to take things at heart and overthink them. Sending one more message and replying doesn't cost him a thing. Worst case she just flakes again and he gives up, best case they meet and hit it off. So I don't see any loss in this or an attack to his ego.


----------



## JoeyJoJoJrShabadoo

Update: Shortly after I posted, I decided to respond as if nothing was wrong and she never responded to it, never even read it. Whatsapp says she's been online on and off since, she's just decided to not read my message. Yes, I checked to see if she was online. Sue me. So that's that, I guess. A month of getting to know a person and she never gave me a real chance once it was possible to actually meet. Oh well. Seems like I was just some company while she was away. All I know is I would never do that to a person, if she's not grown up enough to know that's not the right way to act, then it was better we never went on a date at all.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

Like I said...


----------



## High Plains Drifter

I'm sure it's the same with men and women both but in just the past few years I have seen/ heard/even been involved in a lot of situations that strike me as a lot of women possessing piss-poor behaviors, personalities, self-respect, self-control, etc. It gives the appearance of "this is okay for now but I'm really waiting for something better to come along"... meanwhile keeping guys holding out hope, getting mixed signals, etc. I'm not saying that this is the case with OliOliver and I'm sure that a lot of men are no better but jeeze... stop advertising yourself to the top bidder and then continue listing the goods while the lesser candidate sits on the shelf... be it by not communicating or by playing games or whatever. Find a dude that you truly like and then stick with it, be honest, and realize that no one's perfect/ relationships require work and are a two way street. You aren't all that no matter what your FB "friends" say.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

High Plains Drifter said:


> I'm sure it's the same with men and women both but in just the past few years I have seen/ heard/even been involved in a lot of situations that strike me as a lot of women possessing piss-poor behaviors, personalities, self-respect, self-control, etc. It gives the appearance of "this is okay for now but I'm really waiting for something better to come along"... meanwhile keeping guys holding out hope, getting mixed signals, etc. I'm not saying that this is the case with OliOliver and I'm sure that a lot of men are no better but jeeze... stop advertising yourself to the top bidder and then continue listing the goods while the lesser candidate sits on the shelf... be it by not communicating or by playing games or whatever. Find a dude that you truly like and then stick with it, be honest, and realize that no one's perfect/ relationships require work and are a two way street. You aren't all that no matter what your FB "friends" say.


"Two way street"? Nah, relationships haven't been a two way street in quite some time because spineless men worship pussy and allow women to walk around with stupid slogans like, "I have the pussy, I make the rules." Then, rather than value the opinion of their boyfriend/fiance/husband, they post skanky complimenting fishing selfies on Facebook to feel better about themselves, which serves to reconfirm for them that they can be with anyone. In addition, they think that mainly the superficial shit matters, with happiness being at the bottom of the list, if at all. 

Unfortunately, you need to be as heartless and callous as women are. And you know shit is fucked up when guy friends who do get lots of chicks often give advice like, "eh, you kinda gotta treat em like shit a little bit," and "act like you're not that into em, but just enough that they keep after you."


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Yea I know lol. Idk... just seems like with the ease of utilizing social media and the subsequent strive to meet, date, or just get to know a person better... that there's so much that's trivialized, disrespected, or whatever... more than ever before. I went through a really tough one and had she just been honest from the get go, it would've been so much more palatable. And in the process she hurt and disrespected others.. blah blah it was a mess and it never shoulda happened like it did. Idk... A little integrity doesn't hurt. As for a short-lived correspondence, totally yea... quickly move on if you're feeling played. And again... I know dudes act this way too, but you gotta be damn good looking or be a damn good manipulator to be able to go thru women the way that I see a lot of women go thru men lol. Obviously a lotta people get off to this shit too.. you know "self esteem" lol. Idk... I ain't good-looking enough to play these games plus I'm getting married in May so I'm out!


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

High Plains Drifter said:


> Yea I know lol. Idk... just seems like with the ease of utilizing social media and the subsequent strive to meet, date, or just get to know a person better... that there's so much that's trivialized, disrespected, or whatever... more than ever before. I went through a really tough one and had she just been honest from the get go, it would've been so much more palatable. And in the process she hurt and disrespected others.. blah blah it was a mess and it never shoulda happened like it did. Idk... A little integrity doesn't hurt. As for a short-lived correspondence, totally yea... quickly move on if you're feeling played. And again... I know dudes act this way too, but you gotta be damn good looking or be a damn good manipulator to be able to go thru women the way that I see a lot of women go thru men lol. Obviously a lotta people get off to this shit too.. you know "self esteem" lol. Idk... I ain't good-looking enough to play these games plus I'm getting married in May so I'm out!


A girl like that is never going to be honest with you. But you learned a valuable lesson, didn't you? Guys need to start taking some power -- and frankly, their dignity -- back, because watching guys do this shit is kind of sad and in some instances, pretty pathetic. 

Good luck with the marriage.


----------



## Vyn

I ditched Tinder and Facebook ages ago. Go to a pub, sit down at the bar, have a drink or two and just start talking to people. You'd be amazed at who you meet. Also means that you don't waste a month talking online to find out that person can't actually hold a conversation in real life. Call me old haha.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Spaced Out Ace said:


> A girl like that is never going to be honest with you. But you learned a valuable lesson, didn't you? Guys need to start taking some power -- and frankly, their dignity -- back, because watching guys do this shit is kind of sad and in some instances, pretty pathetic.
> 
> Good luck with the marriage.



Thanks man. I'm not worried but as the date looms.. I mean as it gets closer, I'm prob gonna be a bit more nervous. never been married. 

Yea I learned and that's saying something cause I'm usually able to offer sound advice to others about this kind of thing. In retrospect, there were certainly "signs" and like a fool I just ignored common sense and allowed my heart to drive me off the cliff lol. Definitely killed some of my dignity too... so yea, spot on, man.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

High Plains Drifter said:


> Thanks man. I'm not worried but as the date looms.. I mean as it gets closer, I'm prob gonna be a bit more nervous. never been married.
> 
> Yea I learned and that's saying something cause I'm usually able to offer sound advice to others about this kind of thing. In retrospect, there were certainly "signs" and like a fool I just ignored common sense and allowed my heart to drive me off the cliff lol. Definitely killed some of my dignity too... so yea, spot on, man.


[movievoice]As the date looms overhead, like a black cloud of misery, hatred and pain... one man understand the peril his gender has been in since the dawn of creation.[/movievoice]



I hope to never be married. Fuck that noise. Other than the tax breaks, what is the point.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

lol. First thing I said was "You know that this is going to negatively affect my credit rating don't you?" 

Man... That wasn't the thing to lead with.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

High Plains Drifter said:


> lol. First thing I said was "You know that this is going to negatively affect my credit rating don't you?"
> 
> Man... That wasn't the thing to lead with.


How does your foot taste?


----------



## High Plains Drifter

I mean... the twinkle in her eye was already expiring so... I then asked her what the significance of May 11th was. Apparently it'll be 5 years to the day from when we first met. 

I may need some help throughout all of this... sigh.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

I hope you remember to remove your shoes before shoving your feet in your mouth. Or clean them first at least.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Lmao... yea, I'm not too eloquent in a variety of situations but she knows that I've got some good qualities too... athletes tongue or not!


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

High Plains Drifter said:


> Lmao... yea, I'm not too eloquent in a variety of situations but she knows that I've got some good qualities too... *athletes tongue* or not!


----------



## TedEH

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Nah, relationships haven't been a two way street in quite some time because


I like how everyone equates their personal experiences to be "just the way things are now".  There are people out there willing to treat a relationship like a proper partnership, they're just harder to find. I stay single 99% of the time 'cause I have no interest in playing games with people. Thanks to certain lifestyle choices I don't meet many new people, and online dating is a joke anyway. I don't want to "get women" or "get a girlfriend" like I'm checking it off some kind of list, but that seems like what tons of guys are doing.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Is it wrong/taboo to be attracted to a friend of a friend's sister and want to act upon it?

Is it wrong/taboo to go out with a girl that used to babysit your friend even though she's only about a year older than you?


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

Obsidian Soul said:


> Is it wrong/taboo to be attracted to a friend of a friend's sister and want to act upon it?
> 
> Is it wrong/taboo to go out with a girl that used to babysit your friend even though she's only about a year older than you?


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Sorry, I forgot to clarify. It's not my conscience but my friend that's making me feel this way.


----------



## MFB

Obsidian Soul said:


> Is it wrong/taboo to be attracted to a friend of a friend's sister and want to act upon it?
> 
> Is it wrong/taboo to go out with a girl that used to babysit your friend even though she's only about a year older than you?



The first one is a 3rd level friend, where she's a friend of a friend, so unless she comes up in a story that the friend she is friends with tells, you never really hear from/about her - so why should you feel it's wrong? She's for all intents and purposes, a stranger. 

For the second, also no. She's a year older than you, and babysitting is just the first level of responsibility that adults will put on an older sibling if the option; it's ultimately meaningless whether or not she babysat you friend, if she's only one year older. It's a pedestal because the job has that construct (one sets the rules, the other follows them), but as adults, who gives a shit if that's the case.


----------



## naw38

Alright humans, I’m well stuck and need some help.

My girlfriend and I are trying to find some kind of activity we can do on a monthly basis, and we need it to be cheap (around $40 each). What we really want to do is some kind of martial arts class but I can’t find anything that’s good value, but suggestions for any kind of physical/fitness activity would be awesome.


----------



## MFB

Aren't yoga sessions like, $20? You could definitely do that once a month, or twice if you really wanted to since there's usually discounts for the more you buy.


----------



## naw38

Problem with that is our other partners are already doing a yoga class, we can't exactly copy them, you know? And also we want something a little more violent and sweaty. Oh shit, maybe some sort of boot camp? Ugh, I'm so stuck.


----------



## naw38

Where'd that edit button go?!

Never mind, I found it; Krav Maga classes! Shit's gonna get nasty.


----------



## cwhitey2

So I actually met girl who is cool and we have a massive a mount of things in common (nothing musically sadly)!

I met her a brewery by my house and hit it off immediately. We played trivia and laughed the whole time. I'm going to see her again tonight...hopefully things go well!


----------



## Alberto7

naw38 said:


> Where'd that edit button go?!
> 
> Never mind, I found it; Krav Maga classes! Shit's gonna get nasty.



Awesome! I actually met my girlfriend just over 3 years ago at karate class. We only started dating about 6 months ago though! But yeah, we've stuck with it all the way through now, and we're still going strong with it and advancing through the ranks together. We were bit hard by the karate bug. We practice at our university dojo, (a JKA Shotokan dojo) and pay just short of $40 CAD for 1 class a week for the entire semester, though we also follow our sensei around to her other dojos and train a few more times a week, but to get started, once a week should be enough.

Which brings me to what I came here to write, which is just a little update from my side of the block. Been together 5 1/2 months, and it just keeps getting better. Of course, there are things we've had to learn how to deal with each other, but it's all way more than worth it. It's not even work at this point. We're talking about moving in together in July, but we still haven't made a solid decision yet... it's just that if we take too long to decide, we'd have to wait until July of next year to move in together, as leases typically start on July here in Montreal and last for a year. It's a little scary for both of us, but we both want to do it and are excited about it.

I went back to re-read some of my posts here from a few years ago, and makes me reminisce and think about how I've come to where I am, and... man, life takes some sharp, unexpected turns sometimes, and sometimes it's for the best.


----------



## naw38

Oh man, that's an awesome way to meet someone, and even better that y'all have continued to do it. Unfortunately we won't be able to hit it that hard due to time/money/child constraints, but still. Should be fun and elevate our play fighting to the next level.

I'd definitely recommend moving in; purely from a fiscal viewpoint, it makes sense, and it's also not the big deal that people often make it out to be. As long as y'all are both secure as individuals and as a couple, you'll be sweet.


----------



## TedEH

This is maybe not quiiiiite the right thread for this, but there isn't a more appropriate one sooooo.....
A while back I met someone from tinder. Super nice lady for the most part. Really spontaneous, legit wants to try new stuff and travel and stuff rather than just saying so, good sense of humor, etc. Just a pleasant person to be around. Anyway, the short version is that nothing romantic ever happens, but we stay friends for the most part- including her joining us on some random trips I took with some old friends. She's met a new guy since then and has been seeing him for a while. Cool, good for her.

Fast forward to yesterday where she messages me out of the blue asking about a show she wants to see (some kind of mind reader guy, not a concert). She asks if those friends we hung around with before are available, the whole bunch of us could go. I send my out some messages asking if they're available, but it takes them until the next day to get back to me. They decide they can't afford it right now, so I pass the message back the other way that it would be just me. All of the sudden none of the messages I get back from this lady have any enthusiasm, everything is awkward... she comes up with some excuses about how I'd be a third wheel now (since it's just her and new guy) unless she can convince one of her other friends to go too.

So... was I only invited as a means of getting to my other friends?

F*ck that. Gonna stay home and fix some stuff on my car I've been putting off instead. I've got no time for the drama. I'm fully capable of being friends with someone who rejected me in favor of another dude, but I don't appreciate being used as a means to access my other friends. If you want to invite them just invite them and leave me out of it if you really don't want me to be there.


----------



## cwhitey2

cwhitey2 said:


> So I actually met girl who is cool and we have a massive a mount of things in common (nothing musically sadly)!
> 
> I met her a brewery by my house and hit it off immediately. We played trivia and laughed the whole time. I'm going to see her again tonight...hopefully things go well!



Well I totally blew it...or rather I feel she did. She was like a different person and showed zero interest in me. I proceeded to get hammered cause I was like fuck it and then just got up and left...didn't say good bye or anything.


----------



## cwhitey2

cwhitey2 said:


> Well I totally blew it...or rather I feel she did. She was like a different person and showed zero interest in me. I proceeded to get hammered cause I was like fuck it and then just got up and left...didn't say good bye or anything.



Update: we 'made up' and things are actually looking up for once in my love life. 

After taking a step back and looking at the situation I realized she is like a Rubiks and will be my tightest challenge ever haha


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

cwhitey2 said:


> Update: we 'made up' and things are actually looking up for once in my love life.
> 
> After taking a step back and looking at the situation I realized she is like a Rubiks and will be my tightest challenge ever haha


Soo... is that good or bad?


----------



## cwhitey2

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Soo... is that good or bad?


 I think it's good. Only time will tell though.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

cwhitey2 said:


> will be my tightest challenge ever haha


Am I dirty minded?


----------



## cwhitey2

Obsidian Soul said:


> Am I dirty minded?


Hahaha a little bit.


----------



## Explorer

cwhitey2 said:


> Well I totally blew it...or rather I feel she did. She was like a different person and showed zero interest in me. I proceeded to get hammered cause I was like fuck it and then just got up and left...didn't say good bye or anything.


In the past couple of years, I saw some show named "Bad Tattoos" or something similar.

Some of the stories about how the tattoos were originally chosen were centered on, "Well, this person didn't treat me nicely, so I did something to myself to get revenge on the other person!"

Of course, this missed the point that they decided to directly punish themselves. 

One of the best revenges, if one is genuinely interested in avenging a perceived slight, is living well while excluding the other person.

So, with that in mind... why did you decide that getting hammered was the best solution?

I'm asking purely so you can remember the answer the next you're in a similar situation.


----------



## cwhitey2

Explorer said:


> In the past couple of years, I saw some show named "Bad Tattoos" or something similar.
> 
> Some of the stories about how the tattoos were originally chosen were centered on, "Well, this person didn't treat me nicely, so I did something to myself to get revenge on the other person!"
> 
> Of course, this missed the point that they decided to directly punish themselves.
> 
> One of the best revenges, if one is genuinely interested in avenging a perceived slight, is living well while excluding the other person.
> 
> So, with that in mind... why did you decide that getting hammered was the best solution?
> 
> I'm asking purely so you can remember the answer the next you're in a similar situation.


I didn't really decide that it was the best solution, it just kind of happened.


----------



## Vyn

Have ended up in a "friends with benefits gig." The cynic in me is wondering how long until it all falls apart xD


----------



## groverj3

It's been quite a while since I've complained about anything in this thread! What a difference 2 years makes.

Now, instead of just pining over women who don't want me at all I am with someone wonderful but the situation is less than ideal.

Met a great girl on OkCupid (yeah, I'll admit it) in the Fall of 2016. Into a lot of the same things I am, has a pretty similar outlook on life, and everything seemed great. She was an elementary school teacher who mostly taught ESL kids and resettled refugees, which is pretty awesome. She had been applying to a PhD program when we met, and after casually dating for a few months we made things exclusive when she thought she wasn't going to do to the program (she was also waitlisted and they only take like 6 people per year). Right before the summer she found out that she actually got in off the wait list (which is great!). After some deliberation she decided to go, thinking that if she hated it should could always go back to teaching. Besides, Arizona has the lowest teacher salary in the country and her PhD stipend would be about equal to her then-pay. However, I'm in the middle of my PhD as well and am not really sure when I'll be done.

We agreed to keep things going and that we would visit each other (she's in Oregon now), and I would see if moving up there is a reasonable goal for me when I know more about when I'll be done. Now, after going through the Fall, I've been to visit her twice, and she has yet to come down to visit me, and I've got another flight scheduled for the end of the month. The thing is, I am super busy with my own school/work stuff and even though she paid for my flight it's hard to justify to my advisor that I should take another 4-day weekend. The reason to trade off visits isn't just about money, it's also about time.

Recently, she's been really worked up over thinking she's not smart enough for the PhD program she's in. She thinks that the other students are doing better stuff than her, etc. Which I try to tell her is silly. Just focus on yourself. However, she's constantly upset about this. In such a way that I can't voice needing support myself at any point for fear of making her breakdowns worse. I'm 100% of the time in the comforting boyfriend role. I also have no idea when/if I can ever move up there. Even if I do graduate in a reasonable time I can't just assume I'll find a job where she is.

Honestly, I've been kind of thinking that we're done for a few weeks now. I think it might be best to rip the bandaid off. It all sucks though, we didn't want to be in a situation like this, which is why we waited to make things serious in the first place. However, here we are anyway, and I don't want to just be another asshole guy who leaves her when she's going through a tough time (which I understand myself also being a in grad school). She's really cool and we're great when we get to visit. However, can one really say to be in a relationship when you see each other maybe 3 days every 2-3 months? Part of me thinks that maybe we both need to move on to people that can actually be around.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

groverj3 said:


> It's been quite a while since I've complained about anything in this thread! What a difference 2 years makes.
> 
> Now, instead of just pining over women who don't want me at all I am with someone wonderful but the situation is less than ideal.
> 
> Met a great girl on OkCupid (yeah, I'll admit it) in the Fall of 2016. Into a lot of the same things I am, has a pretty similar outlook on life, and everything seemed great. She was an elementary school teacher who mostly taught ESL kids and resettled refugees, which is pretty awesome. She had been applying to a PhD program when we met, and after casually dating for a few months we made things exclusive when she thought she wasn't going to do to the program (she was also waitlisted and they only take like 6 people per year). Right before the summer she found out that she actually got in off the wait list (which is great!). After some deliberation she decided to go, thinking that if she hated it should could always go back to teaching. Besides, Arizona has the lowest teacher salary in the country and her PhD stipend would be about equal to her then-pay. However, I'm in the middle of my PhD as well and am not really sure when I'll be done.
> 
> We agreed to keep things going and that we would visit each other (she's in Oregon now), and I would see if moving up there is a reasonable goal for me when I know more about when I'll be done. Now, after going through the Fall, I've been to visit her twice, and she has yet to come down to visit me, and I've got another flight scheduled for the end of the month. The thing is, I am super busy with my own school/work stuff and even though she paid for my flight it's hard to justify to my advisor that I should take another 4-day weekend. The reason to trade off visits isn't just about money, it's also about time.
> 
> Recently, she's been really worked up over thinking she's not smart enough for the PhD program she's in. She thinks that the other students are doing better stuff than her, etc. Which I try to tell her is silly. Just focus on yourself. However, she's constantly upset about this. In such a way that I can't voice needing support myself at any point for fear of making her breakdowns worse. I'm 100% of the time in the comforting boyfriend role. I also have no idea when/if I can ever move up there. Even if I do graduate in a reasonable time I can't just assume I'll find a job where she is.
> 
> Honestly, I've been kind of thinking that we're done for a few weeks now. I think it might be best to rip the bandaid off. It all sucks though, we didn't want to be in a situation like this, which is why we waited to make things serious in the first place. However, here we are anyway, and I don't want to just be another asshole guy who leaves her when she's going through a tough time (which I understand myself also being a in grad school). She's really cool and we're great when we get to visit. However, can one really say to be in a relationship when you see each other maybe 3 days every 2-3 months? Part of me thinks that maybe we both need to move on to people that can actually be around.


That sounds like an incredibly one sided relationship at this point, and seems really inconvenient for you, while she seems to be uninterested in doing the same for you. It seems, solely based on what little you're giving us regarding these situations, that she might be somewhat of an emotional terrorist, and while you are focusing on her, making sure she calms down, etc. she is not there for you doing the same thing. In addition, she is taking up time from your studies, and possibly hampering your education. It's possible that this is telling your advisor, your teachers, or both that you aren't as serious about your education and future career as you should be, missing class is likely having an effect on your grade. 

"However, here we are anyway, and I don't want to just be another asshole guy who leaves her when she's going through a tough time (which I understand myself also being a in grad school)." I'm sorry, but at some point you have you be a bit selfish and think about yourself. At a certain point, you stop being a boyfriend in an equal relationship and become a doormat therapist with some who in some cases might not have the same courtesy extended to you. 

"Part of me thinks that maybe we both need to move on to people that can actually be around." That is probably best for both of you. It'll cost less -- I'm sure grad school is far from cheap -- and it'll be less of an inconvenience.


----------



## groverj3

Spaced Out Ace said:


> It'll cost less -- I'm sure grad school is far from cheap -- and it'll be less of an inconvenience.



Grad school is free for me, actually. It's not a bad deal, I get paid a stipend to live on as well, since I essentially work for the university. However, your point is certainly taken.


----------



## Vyn

Annnnnnd blown up spectacularly, that didn't take long (that's what she said hurr hurr). Long and the short of it is she's got some issues due to previous abusive boyfriends and thus can't process human contact well. Positives are still friends and I have more time to spend on learning batshit hard guitar parts out of the Psycroptic Scepter of the Ancients tab book


----------



## ftr

I think I am going to try to stop being a sissy and go talk to girl I am interested in that works at a paint store tomorrow. I saw her there a month ago and have been thinking about her since. I hate the situation where the only place I know to talk to a girl I like is where she works. Every time there was a girl I liked that worked in a retail store or whatever I over thought it and never went through with it. Do any of you have any suggestions for this situation?


----------



## ftr

*Ask out.


----------



## cwhitey2

ftr said:


> I think I am going to try to stop being a sissy and go talk to girl I am interested in that works at a paint store tomorrow. I saw her there a month ago and have been thinking about her since. I hate the situation where the only place I know to talk to a girl I like is where she works. Every time there was a girl I liked that worked in a retail store or whatever I over thought it and never went through with it. Do any of you have any suggestions for this situation?


Just have to man up and do it.

I totally hate aking girls out when they are at work. I have like a phobia of it  


Do you know anything about her?


----------



## ftr

cwhitey2 said:


> Just have to man up and do it.
> 
> I totally hate aking girls out when they are at work. I have like a phobia of it
> 
> 
> Do you know anything about her?



Yeah, I actually don't have too much anxiety about it, it's just I have no idea what I should say. I am thinking whether I should plan out what I am going to say or if I should just go off the cuff and say whatever comes to mind in the moment. Yeah, asking a girl out at work seems simple at first I guess, but when you start over thinking it, it seems so many things could go wrong like what if other people are standing around and she feels awkward and pressured. I am going to try not to over think and just do it. I was thinking like asking for help at a section far from where people could hear and create some small talk and then ask her out.

I don't see why just because she is at work doesn't mean I can't ask her out, but it feels so weird. I mean what else am I supposed to do though.

No, I don't know anything about her. Just her first name.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

ftr said:


> Yeah, I actually don't have too much anxiety about it, it's just I have no idea what I should say. I am thinking whether I should plan out what I am going to say or if I should just go off the cuff and say whatever comes to mind in the moment. Yeah, asking a girl out at work seems simple at first I guess, but when you start over thinking it, it seems so many things could go wrong like what if other people are standing around and she feels awkward and pressured. I am going to try not to over think and just do it. I was thinking like asking for help at a section far from where people could hear and create some small talk and then ask her out.
> 
> I don't see why just because she is at work doesn't mean I can't ask her out, but it feels so weird. I mean what else am I supposed to do though.
> 
> No, I don't know anything about her. Just her first name.


Just say, "Hey, you seem pretty cool, and you're nice. I'd like to get to know you more, perhaps over dinner, if you'd be interested."

Oh, and a tip: Don't look down at the floor, or stare off to the side of her 15" away. Actually look at her and look like you're giving her your undivided attention.


----------



## ftr

She wasn't there today. I might try again tomorrow.


----------



## Vyn

So through complete accident (didn't plan anything and wasn't looking for a relationship) but I met this crazy girl a while ago who's just been a friend but recently we started spending a lot of time together and turns out we hit it off better than expected. We're now officially dating and I have licence to gear whore and practice as much as I like. Winning!


----------



## bostjan

ftr said:


> I think I am going to try to stop being a sissy and go talk to girl I am interested in that works at a paint store tomorrow. I saw her there a month ago and have been thinking about her since. I hate the situation where the only place I know to talk to a girl I like is where she works. Every time there was a girl I liked that worked in a retail store or whatever I over thought it and never went through with it. Do any of you have any suggestions for this situation?



The key is to act naturally and confidently. It's easier if you have a situation already figured out, but things rarely ever work to plan, so be flexible.

I went through a rather long "phase" where I was super up-front, like, I'd come out of the blue with "Hey, I like you, want to go out tomorrow night?" and that never worked, because it was so unnatural. Part of it depends on her, as well. Like, sense of humour, sense of adventure, and most of all, if she's single and unaccounted. So, knowing nothing about her, your chances of hitting it off are pretty slim, honestly. Getting to know her without being creepy is also a challenge. If you approach her with a platonic interest and a halfway decent ice-breaker, then you might be able to get to know her a little better, at least.


----------



## ftr

bostjan said:


> The key is to act naturally and confidently. It's easier if you have a situation already figured out, but things rarely ever work to plan, so be flexible.
> 
> I went through a rather long "phase" where I was super up-front, like, I'd come out of the blue with "Hey, I like you, want to go out tomorrow night?" and that never worked, because it was so unnatural. Part of it depends on her, as well. Like, sense of humour, sense of adventure, and most of all, if she's single and unaccounted. So, knowing nothing about her, your chances of hitting it off are pretty slim, honestly. Getting to know her without being creepy is also a challenge. If you approach her with a platonic interest and a halfway decent ice-breaker, then you might be able to get to know her a little better, at least.



Yeah, it's also a little more difficult because it's a paint store and not like a grocery store or something where I would frequent regularly. So, going in there all the time might seem weird. The feeling I am stalking her or being creepy or something would increase pretty quick. Then again, that's probably my mind over thinking things. I was actually thinking of using a line that like to just keep things simple and if it doesn't go well then just move on. At least I will have tried.


----------



## bostjan

Might be time to paint your guitars a new colour.


----------



## ftr

.


----------



## ftr

.


----------



## TedEH

I haven't been in this thread in a while.... but I've found myself in a strange (for me) situation. I went on a date... and it went well.  This isn't a thing that happens, so my brain is having trouble processing this. All of the mixed feelings. I got too used to being single that part of my brain panics at the idea of shaking things up too much or too quickly.


----------



## TedEH

I dunno if anyone cares too much, but I have few outlets for my thoughts on this, sooo I'm dumping it here I guess. 

After having some time to think about the events of my previous post, and even going on another arguably good/successful date, I've sort of come to a weird conclusion that I'm very comfortable in my single-ness, and I think it would take a lot to shake me from that now. I've scared off a date or two by being a bit too up front about the idea, but I've realized that I've got very little interest in changing my lifestyle for anyone anymore. I know what I like, I know how I want my life to go, I've established certain patterns and lifestyle choices that work really well for me, and I don't want to compromise those things because I've found a pattern that leaves me relatively happy day to day. I don't want to risk that on anyone that's just an "ok" partner for me. I'd rather be happily single than in an "ok" relationship. I would have to be convinced that I've encountered someone who would bring enough to my life to beat my already-pretty-good single life. And I think that's a tough ask. A partner like that effectively becomes your best friend. If she's not someone I would enthusiastically call my best friend, then.... I'm just not interested. I've got too much life to do.

I mean, I'm willing to take the time to get to know a person. I'm not so far up my own *ss that I expect someone to just jump into some role I've predefined for them. And I actually really enjoy just going on random dates, even the ones that don't work out at all. I've had people tell me that a failed date, or a short relationship feels like "wasted time", but I don't feel that way at all. I've met people, gone for coffee, had some decent conversation, then got ghosted afterwards, but still don't see that as a waste of time. I enjoy the company, I enjoyed the talk, I got to go out and be social on a nice day. The overall experience is a win, and I've lost nothing.

I guess I'm not going anywhere with this. Just rambling. Couldn't think of a place to dump some thoughts, so here they are.


----------



## groverj3

After almost a year of only a handful of weekend-long visits I just picked up my girlfriend from the airport yesterday for a ~3 week visit here. This is since she moved to Oregon last August.

We've had our ups and downs throughout the year. We've taken a small break once, and decided to give it a try again. We've had disagreements about how often to visit is reasonable, as we're both grad students on strict budgets. However, we keep making it work.

Hopefully this visit goes well. I kind of feel like we're at a critical point. We're both 28, and don't want to waste our time with something that doesn't have the potential to work out long-term, but also would have to do long distance for at least another 2 years until I finish my PhD here. Then I'd have to be able to move up there, which isn't a guarantee.


----------



## naw38

I have a pretty awesome girlfriend, but no actual friends that I can gush to, or share my amusing anecdotes with, so here we go guys, I’m dumping this here.

So, I suggested that we should have carbonara for dinner, and she thinks that’s a great idea. Awesome. I’m fucking awesome at carbonara, so I know she’ll be impressed. Well, we make that decision, go to bed and have some grown up time for a bit, it’s quite lovely. Afterwards, we’re lying in bed, chatting away, naked with our friends the genitals, when I get a great idea!

“Hey, I just had an idea; I know I said I’d make carbonara, but how about instead, we have puttanesca?!”
“Oh shit, that sounds awesome... wait. Fuuuuuck you man!”

Thank y’all for your time. I think I’m amusing.


----------



## synrgy

TedEH said:


> I've sort of come to a weird conclusion that I'm very comfortable in my single-ness



Ironically, that's an extremely common foundation for many enduring relationships.


----------



## TedEH

synrgy said:


> Ironically, that's an extremely common foundation for many enduring relationships.


I do tend to think that this sets me up to potentially be very successful in the odd case that I end up meeting someone who is similarly comfortable with themselves and we happen to hit it off. I'm not counting on it happening any time soon, per se, but if it does, then all the better.


----------



## lurè

synrgy said:


> Ironically, that's an extremely common foundation for many enduring relationships.


Lots of people say so, I think it has to do to the fact that gives a sense of security for a relationship.
Some people (I'd include myself) probably find better sense of security in a single-ness status.

A relationship most of the time works around compromises on both sides: How much are you willing to lose and give it to your SO?

People who are not ready or don't want to sacrifice a part of their "freedom" in the sense of doing everything that comes in their mind or simply living their everyday routine, prefer remain single or are not actively looking for a partner.


----------



## synrgy

I mostly meant it in-contrast to folks who are single but hoping for a relationship to come along and 'save'/'fix' them.

Until one is happy with themselves/their-circumstances, one doesn't have much (if anything) to offer in a prospective healthy relationship.

I wasn't meaning to speak to any implied unwillingness to compromise in a relationship; that's a whole different thing.


----------



## TedEH

A couple of days ago I got into a weird conversation - almost an argument - where someone I work with just couldn't wrap his head around the idea that I don't actively want to be in a relationship.


----------



## cwhitey2

TedEH said:


> A couple of days ago I got into a weird conversation - almost an argument - where someone I work with just couldn't wrap his head around the idea that I don't actively want to be in a relationship.


I have been single for so long I don't even know how to act around a girl l like 

That being said, the last girl I was seeing loved my awkwardness, which I thought it was odd she was attacked to that lmfao


----------



## TedEH

I suppose this is a good problem to have on some level, but I've occasionally gotten into situations where someone was attracted to me quite a bit, but I just couldn't bring myself to give up my singleness. They're cases where I could have made it work if I wanted to, but I didn't want to. I think I saw it partly as a threat to my independence as well. I've come across this sort of common joke/sentiment of men being "afraid of commitment" and there's probably something real to it. It would take an impressively good match for me to be willing to be tied down to another person at this point. And I'm willing to admit I'm a difficult person to match up with.


----------



## xzacx

cwhitey2 said:


> I have been single for so long I don't even know how to act around a girl l like



This could bring up the old chicken-or-the-egg debate hahahah (just kidding with you, I don't mean that in a rude way)


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Well, I didn't want to post this, but I wanted to stimulate the thread.

I'm at a crossroads, or so I think so. There's this girl that works at a Walmart near me, and last week when I went in we kept meeting eyes because I felt her staring at me. So, this Wednesday, I feigned needing help, and she had this big nervous smile the whole time. Eventually, I asked if she was busy this Saturday, and she hesitated and said, "I kinda...have a boyfriend."

I've asked other people what it means because I'm inexperienced with the entire realm of romance. One person said that she's not committed and I still had a chance to offer my number. Another person said that they think she's already seeing a guy, but they haven't made anything official yet. I thought that no matter if she really did or didn't that she was off limits.

At the end of the day, I'm perplexed because I'm a lot like the guy in the thread that got locked down. I'm fighting a depression with no hopes of winning. Even if I sway her to leave the guy she's dating, I fear that I wouldn't be an upgrade and that I'd only pull her down rather than her pull me up,...but as someone told me,"...the heart wants."

This is the Love & Relationships thread, so I don't want any motivational speeches. I just want to know if I should keep talking to her or leave her be, or maybe you guys have an alternate view on the matter.


----------



## cwhitey2

Obsidian Soul said:


> Well, I didn't want to post this, but I wanted to stimulate the thread.
> 
> I'm at a crossroads, or so I think so. There's this girl that works at a Walmart near me, and last week when I went in we kept meeting eyes because I felt her staring at me. So, this Wednesday, I feigned needing help, and she had this big nervous smile the whole time. Eventually, I asked if she was busy this Saturday, and she hesitated and said, "I kinda...have a boyfriend."
> 
> I've asked other people what it means because I'm inexperienced with the entire realm of romance. One person said that she's not committed and I still had a chance to offer my number. Another person said that they think she's already seeing a guy, but they haven't made anything official yet. I thought that no matter if she really did or didn't that she was off limits.
> 
> At the end of the day, I'm perplexed because I'm a lot like the guy in the thread that got locked down. I'm fighting a depression with no hopes of winning. Even if I sway her to leave the guy she's dating, I fear that I wouldn't be an upgrade and that I'd only pull her down rather than her pull me up,...but as someone told me,"...the heart wants."
> 
> This is the Love & Relationships thread, so I don't want any motivational speeches. I just want to know if I should keep talking to her or leave her be, or maybe you guys have an alternate view on the matter.



Keep talking to her! You never know what the future holds!

The last girl I was actually interested in dating randomly started dating a dude after we were hanging out for like 4 months solid. Was I pissed? You bet, but it also may have not been the right time for us either. I wholeheartedly believe that you may meet people/someone at the wrong time in life, but that doesn't mean it would never work...it just means 'not now'.

I stopped talking to her for a solid 2 months because I was so pissed. I will randomly snapchat and her response is ALWAYS "i miss you"  That leads to believe it was the wrong time in out lives.


----------



## Rosal76

cwhitey2 said:


> Keep talking to her! You never know what the future holds!



+1.

Some girls enjoy guys who still talk to them even though they (the girls) have boyfriends.

I used to work with this girl who I thought was hot and she would tell me about this new guy she just started seeing. Some guys would just stop right there, stop talking and give up. Not me. LOL! I would crack jokes with her saying stuff like, "Hey Shannon, you're going on your third date with John this weekend? Would you like to borrow my Barry White love songs C.D so something magical can happen that night? LOL". She didn't know who Barry White was so she completely ruined that joke. And, "hey Shannon, you and John should watch Titanic together so he holds you closer. Oh, you saw it already. O.K. How about the Notebook with Ryan Gosling. I've got both on DVD. LOL."

I don't know what it was but I guess she saw that I was comfortable with her seeing this new guy. A few weeks later she dropped him and started to be interested in me but unfortunately, I already liked someone else. The timing was definitely wrong in that situation but that's life.


----------



## cwhitey2

Rosal76 said:


> +1.
> 
> Some girls enjoy guys who still talk to them even though they (the girls) have boyfriends.
> 
> I used to work with this girl who I thought was hot and she would tell me about this new guy she just started seeing. Some guys would just stop right there, stop talking and give up. Not me. LOL! I would crack jokes with her saying stuff like, "Hey Shannon, you're going on your third date with John this weekend? Would you like to borrow my Barry White love songs C.D so something magical can happen that night? LOL". She didn't know who Barry White was so she completely ruined that joke. And, "hey Shannon, you and John should watch Titanic together so he holds you closer. Oh, you saw it already. O.K. How about the Notebook with Ryan Gosling. I've got both on DVD. LOL."
> 
> I don't know what it was but I guess she saw that I was comfortable with her seeing this new guy. A few weeks later she dropped him and started to be interested in me but unfortunately, I already liked someone else. The timing was definitely wrong in that situation but that's life.



I feel like some girls test guys like that to see if they get jealous easily, I could be wrong though...cause I'm a guy and all


----------



## Rosal76

cwhitey2 said:


> I feel like some girls test guys like that to see if they get jealous easily,



For some girls, they do. I've met many girls who have tested me for my jealously. I just tell them what they want to hear. Some of the things I've said in the past:

"Yes, Leilani, the 22 pictures that you took on the beach wearing your new bikini..., with your boyfriends hand around your ass, is nice".

"Yes, Allison, the new tattoo that your boyfriend paid for that you got above your butt is lovely".

"Yes, Shannon, I'd love to hear all the guys who are, "winking" at you on "single/males/looking/for/big/booty/white/girls/.com. * Not a real dating site but she did tell me about all these guys who were interested in her.

LOL! Seriously, though, that's what I really tell them. Just so they can stop probing me for reactions.


----------



## cwhitey2

Rosal76 said:


> For some girls, they do. I've met many girls who have tested me for my jealously. I just tell them what they want to hear. Some of the things I've said in the past:
> 
> "Yes, Leilani, the 22 pictures that you took on the beach wearing your new bikini..., with your boyfriends hand around your ass, is nice".
> 
> "Yes, Allison, the new tattoo that your boyfriend paid for that you got above your butt is lovely".
> 
> "Yes, Shannon, I'd love to hear all the guys who are, "winking" at you on "single/males/looking/for/big/booty/white/girls/.com. * Not a real dating site but she did tell me about all these guys who were interested in her.
> 
> LOL! Seriously, though, that's what I really tell them. Just so they can stop probing me for reactions.


----------



## spudmunkey

I think the key is to say it in the voice of Steven Wright, while rolling your eyes so far you have to crane your neck to complete the eye-rolling motion...and to make sure they see you doing it.


----------



## spudmunkey

cwhitey2 said:


> I feel like some girls test guys like that to see if they get jealous easily, I could be wrong though...cause I'm a guy and all



It's not to see IF they get jealous easy, but to see what their reaction is, to make sure they are jealous ENOUGH...because for some, if you don't flip your lid, it's because you don't love them enough to care.


----------



## Vyn

cwhitey2 said:


> Keep talking to her! You never know what the future holds!



+1. Conversation is how things start. Might not start straight away, if ever. But it's guaranteed to go nowhere if you don't talk.


----------



## groverj3

Back to the Tinderverse after a two and a half year hiatus. Bummer.

But, after trying to make a long-distance deal between Arizona and Oregon work eventually you have to have some sort of plan to get back together. No hard feelings toward her. It just blows.


----------



## TedEH

groverj3 said:


> Tinderverse


I don't understand the weird landscape that things like Tinder have created. Maybe I'm "using these apps wrong", but it seems like a horribly broken system.

Consider that people don't meet in person because now you can meet people via apps. Even those trying to meet people seriously do it online now. If you're not the type to go out to bars (or you don't want to date the types who spend a lot of time in bars), then there really aren't appropriate social spaces to meet anyone anymore.
But now you don't meet people in apps either, be it because there's more bots than people, or there's a built-in distrust of the attached hookup culture to it.
Or maybe I'm just really unattractive or something.
But the end result is that dating just no longer happens, I guess?


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

Don't mind me...I'm just here to look at straight guy problems from the safety and comfort of my gayness


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

Safety?


----------



## Seabeast2000

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Safety?


Dance?


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

The906 said:


> Dance?


No, safety djent.


----------



## Jason B

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> Don't mind me...I'm just here to look at straight guy problems from the safety and comfort of my gayness



_Someone_ wants to be a mod.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Safety?



It's safe for me...not for other people.View media item 1575


----------



## Obsidian Soul

TedEH said:


> I don't understand the weird landscape that things like Tinder have created. Maybe I'm "using these apps wrong", but it seems like a horribly broken system.
> 
> Consider that people don't meet in person because now you can meet people via apps. Even those trying to meet people seriously do it online now. If you're not the type to go out to bars (or you don't want to date the types who spend a lot of time in bars), then there really aren't appropriate social spaces to meet anyone anymore.
> But now you don't meet people in apps either, be it because there's more bots than people, or there's a built-in distrust of the attached hookup culture to it.
> Or maybe I'm just really unattractive or something.
> But the end result is that dating just no longer happens, I guess?


Dating IS dead.

Who asks anybody to go specifically on a date?People hang out, "chill," and maybe get laid afterwards.I don't think anyone asks the other to go on a date,does a more "date" appropriate activity,and seriously vet each other.In fact,I think young women are intimidated if you use the term date instead of just "hanging out."If you are asking for a date,you should instead beat around the bush and say "hang out."


----------



## p0ke

Obsidian Soul said:


> date



Yeah, these days it feels to me that dates are mostly for married couples, you know, when we ditch the kids at their grandparent's place and go to a fancy restaurant or something...


----------



## TedEH

p0ke said:


> dates are mostly for married couples


I don't understand how you're supposed to get to know someone well enough without dating. I don't care if you call it "hanging out" or "chilling" - call it whatever you want - it's still a date.


----------



## Konfyouzd

TedEH said:


> I don't understand how you're supposed to get to know someone well enough without dating. I don't care if you call it "hanging out" or "chilling" - call it whatever you want - it's still a date.


This shit right here...

Young ppl got the game fucked up.

Speaking of dates and having the game fucked up...

I went to a bar a little while ago and this couple comes in... At least that's what they looked like.

They were very friendly and talked to me a bunch. We took shots together. Everything was really fun for a while.

He eventually goes to the bathroom and no sooner than he's out of sight she turns to me and says... "So uh... I don't think I'm really feeling that dude," staring me directly in the eye. She then starts moving in kind of close. By this time the guy is starting to come back from the bathroom and I'm talking to her while nodding rather vigorously in the direction directly behind her.

She turns around to see the guy standing RIGHT there as she's hitting on me.

He of course now--in some crazy display of insecure dominance--forces his tongue down her throat and I proceed to find a new seat at the bar...

The game is all fucked up...

And on all that "girls test guys by ______" -- especially the whole testing other dudes out for jealousy with a current boyfriend.

Fuck that...

If you want people to keep shit real with you, then pay it forward and don't ruin trust with bullshit tests and games. Trust is much easier lost than earned. And a woman that does something like that sounds like a woman that's on a perpetual hunt for a bigger and better deal


----------



## TedEH

I'd file that one under:


TedEH said:


> you don't want to date the types who spend a lot of time in bars






Konfyouzd said:


> Young ppl got the game fucked up.


I think as soon as it becomes "the game" you've lost me, essentially. I'm not 16, I have no interest in playing games with people, unless those are video or board games.


----------



## Drew

TedEH said:


> I don't understand how you're supposed to get to know someone well enough without dating. I don't care if you call it "hanging out" or "chilling" - call it whatever you want - it's still a date.


Devil's advocate, and from the perspective of one of the older people in this discussion (I'm 38). 

I did my first foray into online dating last year - a friend of mine (ironically, someone maybe 5 years before I'd been set up with and dated for a while, before we decided we weren't what the other was looking for and decided to start over as friends) basically force downloaded a dating app (Coffee Meets Bagel, if anyone gives a shit - the thing I liked about it is it basically forces you to interact with other people, which is I think why she chose that one for me) and told me to give it at least a month of honest effort. 

People _definitely_ still go on dates, if that's what you're looking for. I was open about looking for a relationship, rather than just casual sex, and for a while there I was going on about three dates a week, which honestly was getting to the point where it was starting to interfere with me getting enough sleep to function at work. I don't know how often I described it as "do you want to go out on a date," but when you're saying, "how about we grab a coffee on saturday," or "do you want to get a couple drinks on Tuesday night?" or "do you want to get dinner on Thursday," that's a date, no matter what you call it. Maybe it's different in your early 20s and the first time you meet someone inviting them over to watch Game of Thrones and just fucking instead is the norm, idunno, but at least in the sample of 28-40 year old women I was meeting, we both had the same expectation that the first couple times we got together it would be going out on a date. 

(the conclusion of the story is I met a bunch of pretty awesome women, was pretty blown away by one of them in particular, and have been happily dating her for a few months now, though she was _pissed_ when she found out I only spent a hair over a month online dating, lol)


----------



## TedEH

Drew said:


> I was going on about three dates a week


I suppose my original complaint stemmed from the idea that despite a fair amount of use of these apps, I probably manage to get maybe three dates a _year_ out of it, rather than per week. Am I doing something wrong? Probably, who knows. Maybe it's the area I'm in, maybe I'm picky, maybe I'm just a difficult person to match with. But that's what it's boiled down to at this point. If you can't sell yourself well on the internet, then you're screwed (or rather... not screwed?).

In either case, I'm not complaining in an "oh I'm lonely" kind of way -> I'm usually happier on my own. But it still would be nice to go on some decent dates from time to time.


----------



## Drew

TedEH said:


> I suppose my original complaint stemmed from the idea that despite a fair amount of use of these apps, I probably manage to get maybe three dates a _year_ out of it, rather than per week. Am I doing something wrong? Probably, who knows. Maybe it's the area I'm in, maybe I'm picky, maybe I'm just a difficult person to match with. But that's what it's boiled down to at this point. If you can't sell yourself well on the internet, then you're screwed (or rather... not screwed?).
> 
> In either case, I'm not complaining in an "oh I'm lonely" kind of way -> I'm usually happier on my own. But it still would be nice to go on some decent dates from time to time.


I mean, that was definitely not the norm for me prior to online dating, so I don't want to give you the wrong impression, either. But I went into it being pretty open minded - I figured that if I was (at the time) 37 and single, then odds are trying to date my "type" wasn't going to go very well so I needed to expand my type a bit. My criteria quickly becamse 1) at least _somewhat_ attractive - I wasn't holding out for just drop dead gorgeous, but pretty enough that I'd at least be curious to read their bio, 2) no pictures with dogs (not really a dog person), 3) no kids, and 4) something in their profile that we could at least have a conversation about. Coffee Meets Bagel would give me 25 people a day to review, I guess, and I was usually able to find 2-4 people in that list I liked a day. They'd also give you a couple suggested matches of people who liked _you_ at the same time. Between that, for the period I was actually working on it, I was probably matching with 3-5 people a week. Some of those never really went anywhere conversationally, some we'd talk but never really hit it off, and some we would go out on a date. The irony, of course, is that my girlfriend ended up being _exactly _my type. 

Prior to that I dated way less (my friend mostly pushed me into online dating because she wanted better stories, I think), but for the most part the single biggest source of dates were friends of mine trying to set me up with someone, which actually generally worked pretty well for me and I met some really decent people that way. But that was more meeting a new person every couple months, rather than a couple times a week. 

Happy to talk further offline if you want - I guess the only thing I can really suggest is don't be picky - it's almost always worth going out with someone for a drink, and even if you don't hit it off it's probably still going to be a decent enough time. The absolute worst date I went on in that whole stretch was the first, where I went out for a cup of coffee with a perfectly nice girl I had a really interesting conversation with, but it was pretty clear an hour in that we weren't what the other was looking for, even if we'd had a good conversation. That's hardly a negative out come. 

Also, if you have a female friend you trust, have her go over your profile. My friend who pushed me into it started off my profile for me, chose most of the pictures, and gave me some good feedback. From the experience I had (as well as some of the comments my girlfriend made about pictures she did or didn't like in my profile) I should have just listened to Kelsey blindly rather than thinking on my own.


----------



## Konfyouzd

TedEH said:


> I suppose my original complaint stemmed from the idea that despite a fair amount of use of these apps, I probably manage to get maybe three dates a _year_ out of it, rather than per week. Am I doing something wrong? Probably, who knows. Maybe it's the area I'm in, maybe I'm picky, maybe I'm just a difficult person to match with. But that's what it's boiled down to at this point. If you can't sell yourself well on the internet, then you're screwed (or rather... not screwed?).
> 
> In either case, I'm not complaining in an "oh I'm lonely" kind of way -> I'm usually happier on my own. But it still would be nice to go on some decent dates from time to time.


What's the significance of the quantity of dates?

I always wondered why ppl need to go on so many dates w so many ppl?

I also have a hunch the reason you say you're usually happier alone is simply that you're just dating ppl you don't really like. 

But it could also be the common tendency now to not give others as much of a chance bc a [potential] replacement is a swipe away.


----------



## TedEH

Konfyouzd said:


> What's the significance of the quantity of dates?





Konfyouzd said:


> a [potential] replacement is a swipe away.


The significance is that the quantity negates your second point. It's NOT a swipe away. I could swipe through every available person for months and match nobody. And 3/4 people that DO match will unmatch or stop responding within a message or two. The significance is not that you have to go on a lot of dates, but rather that if you _want_ to go on any amount of dates, it's incredibly difficult to make that happen. If the point of the app is to be able to say "yeh, lets go on a date this week" and then make it happen -> that doesn't happen for me. I'm pretty sure I haven't met anyone since early last summer, and thats.... almost a year ago?



Konfyouzd said:


> I also have a hunch the reason you say you're usually happier alone is simply that you're just dating ppl you don't really like.


I meant it at face value. I've put a lot of effort into shaping my lifestyle into what I want it to be, and there's no requirement for other people in there for me to be happy. I mean, think about it -> I literally do what I want, whenever I want. I'm not anti-social, I have friends. If I want to go out, I just do. No arguing over what movie/show to see, what games to play, where to spend vacations, who to be friends with, etc. I can lock myself in a room for a month and write an album and nobody is going to complain that I'm neglecting them or something. I didn't come here to say "I am lonely", because I'm not. I'm just fine. What I said was "I don't understand the dating scene, and I'm probably doing it wrong." To clarify: I'm not upset about getting few dates, just making an observation.

I am 100% of the mind that if I am going to be any amount of serious about any partner at this point, there needs to be some lifestyle compatibility, not just "oh, this person is hot and I can stand them". And a part of that is not being super dependent on each other.  In some sense, you are right, I have definitely gone through that phase of dating people that I just didn't like at all, just to not be single. I don't feel any desire to do that again. Learning to be happy on your own goes a long way, and I'm sure that when/if I meet someone who really is a "match" (and not by the metrics of an app), then we'll both be better off for it.


----------



## sezna

I’m doing a masters in computer science and it is really difficult, but my gf gets angry whenever I spend a lot of time on it because I don’t “make [her] feel wanted” anymore, I’m prioritizing other things. 

like ugh, let me survive this hellish onslaught of assignments and try to be supportive instead please...


----------



## Konfyouzd

TedEH said:


> The significance is that the quantity negates your second point. It's NOT a swipe away. I could swipe through every available person for months and match nobody. And 3/4 people that DO match will unmatch or stop responding within a message or two. The significance is not that you have to go on a lot of dates, but rather that if you _want_ to go on any amount of dates, it's incredibly difficult to make that happen. If the point of the app is to be able to say "yeh, lets go on a date this week" and then make it happen -> that doesn't happen for me. I'm pretty sure I haven't met anyone since early last summer, and thats.... almost a year ago?



I get where you're coming from, dude.

I feel like the advertised use of a product is now always how it's used. What did they say on Silicon Valley?

"What the monkey chooses to do with he technology is not necessarily an indictment of the technology itself." You sound a lot like the guy who gave the monkey a new arm and saw all the positive potential of such a thing. Unfortunately a lot of other people are just like the monkey--fascinated with their ability to touch themselves and throw shit.

In the end, you're left with something that is only effective if you're not the type of person likely to take it seriously.

What I found is that when I lost a bunch of weight and took pics of myself in tank tops playing guitar and bragged about my salary on those sites, it was pretty damn easy to get a date. And nearly every time it went about the same...

Girl would wanna hang out and fuck like rabbits for a few weeks, then she's magically busier than anyone has ever been and coincidentally all her profile pics on the site where you met her are also changing a lot around this time.

You seem like a really cool dude, man. Just talk to non-computer-women. They're pretty cool.


----------



## TedEH

Konfyouzd said:


> You seem like a really cool dude, man. Just talk to non-computer-women. They're pretty cool.


I appreciate that.  I don't doubt that the online thing _can work_, but I'm mostly convinced that if ever I'm going to meet someone and have it work out in a "meaningful" way, it's going to be in a more natural setting- either at a show or an event that we'd both have had interest in to begin with, via mutual friends, via some kind of community we might both be part of already. Having some common ground to begin with goes a long way, I think.

Winter is maybe kinda sort of on it's way out which is going to mean more shows, more time outside, more time in public, more socializing.


----------



## Konfyouzd

^ There you go


----------



## TedEH

I mean, I still don't "understand the dating scene", but I'm not hung up on it in any way.


----------



## lurè

Konfyouzd said:


> took pics of myself in tank tops playing guitar and bragged about my salary on those sites, it was pretty damn easy to get a date



That's pretty common if the guitar Is a used Prestige


----------



## Konfyouzd

lurè said:


> That's pretty common if the guitar Is a used Prestige


I mean...  

But yea they were usually Prestige Ibbys... 

They saw the word prestige and got all twitterpated (watch Bambi if you don't know that word)


----------



## Konfyouzd

*sigh*

I think I need to know this person more...

I met her at lunch today. Conversation is just so easy. She approached *me* which is not normal.

And she makes me sweat for no reason. Eye contact and I'm just instantly fever warm.

We exchanged information.

The wait begins...

I imagine if she was confident enough to just walk up and talk to me she may contact me via my info...

But if not, it seems I also have hers. Maybe we can grab another beer soon. Hell maybe social convention dictates it's now on me; I'm not well versed in social convention. What I do know is I have a feeling I shouldn't just let it go until it seems she's not interested.

Whatever the case, she's not unique in the way that I've met her, but she is unique in the way that she makes me feel.

(But also, Korean ppl in general fucking LOVE me and I don't completely understand why... Like every single Korean I've ever met has been immediately very nice to me in ways no one else is. Should I move to South Korea?) 

I have been meeting many women lately that seem to prefer a strong friendship as a foundation for that which goes beyond.

In some ways I think the "friend zone" stigma has fucked the game up.

Even if this chick doesn't want me, I can see her being a fucking dope friend. I don't think enough ppl consider that sort of thing over getting their rocks off.

Almost every married woman in my family has told me that long term, things like friendship in a relationship go so much farther than your looks or bedroom performance.

In any relationship where I've managed to dazzle a woman with bedroom prowess, we've only really lasted as long as that could mask the fact that we actually don't like each other as ppl...

Starting from a place of friendly connection, that only becomes icing on the cake if they think you're cute and "can work it". 

Personally, after many years, I feel like that's what causes ppl to "backslide" in relationships. They miss the level of bonding they had with a certain person that they just don't get when dealing with new ppl. 

For me, this may be my first real friend in this city or--hopefully--all of that and more. God knows I've looked long enough. 

*fingers crossed*


----------



## p0ke

Konfyouzd said:


> I can see her being a fucking dope friend. I don't think enough ppl consider that sort of thing over getting their rocks off.



That's how my relationship with my wife started. We were just friends, and when she'd just broken up with her ex, I offered her to sleep at my place when she was lonely. We basically just hung out and she slept next to me without anything more happening. Then a few months later it just clicked, and then we got engaged pretty quickly and now we're married, have kids and have bought a house together... All in 5 years or so.


----------



## USMarine75

617 pages in and no mention of the Roland JC120???


----------



## dr_game0ver

USMarine75 said:


> 617 pages in and no mention of the Roland JC120???


I only date JC40. JC60 at best.


----------



## Adieu

USMarine75 said:


> 617 pages in and no mention of the Roland JC120???



Lol I first thought this was a derailed solidstate amplifier thread too


----------



## MetalHex

Konfyouzd said:


> *sigh*
> 
> I think I need to know this person more...
> 
> I met her at lunch today. Conversation is just so easy. She approached *me* which is not normal.
> 
> And she makes me sweat for no reason. Eye contact and I'm just instantly fever warm.
> 
> We exchanged information.
> 
> The wait begins...
> 
> I imagine if she was confident enough to just walk up and talk to me she may contact me via my info...
> 
> But if not, it seems I also have hers. Maybe we can grab another beer soon. Hell maybe social convention dictates it's now on me; I'm not well versed in social convention. What I do know is I have a feeling I shouldn't just let it go until it seems she's not interested.
> 
> Whatever the case, she's not unique in the way that I've met her, but she is unique in the way that she makes me feel.
> 
> (But also, Korean ppl in general fucking LOVE me and I don't completely understand why... Like every single Korean I've ever met has been immediately very nice to me in ways no one else is. Should I move to South Korea?)
> 
> I have been meeting many women lately that seem to prefer a strong friendship as a foundation for that which goes beyond.
> 
> In some ways I think the "friend zone" stigma has fucked the game up.
> 
> Even if this chick doesn't want me, I can see her being a fucking dope friend. I don't think enough ppl consider that sort of thing over getting their rocks off.
> 
> Almost every married woman in my family has told me that long term, things like friendship in a relationship go so much farther than your looks or bedroom performance.
> 
> In any relationship where I've managed to dazzle a woman with bedroom prowess, we've only really lasted as long as that could mask the fact that we actually don't like each other as ppl...
> 
> Starting from a place of friendly connection, that only becomes icing on the cake if they think you're cute and "can work it".
> 
> Personally, after many years, I feel like that's what causes ppl to "backslide" in relationships. They miss the level of bonding they had with a certain person that they just don't get when dealing with new ppl.
> 
> For me, this may be my first real friend in this city or--hopefully--all of that and more. God knows I've looked long enough.
> 
> *fingers crossed*


You know it's all over once you whip out that flip phone


----------



## c7spheres

Go to any bar, put on a fake wedding ring, act arrogant and like you don't give a shit. The one nighters will flock around and you can take your pick home or, better yet, to the back seat of your car. Then go home and play guitar. The time money and effort spent on most women these days isn't worth it at all. Most aren't even fun to be around. This also works in clubs, the workplace etc. Women seem to like married men that act like assholes to them and then play make up games. That being said, It would be nice to find a unicorn in the wild though. Love will find a way : ) Oh great. Now I'm singing Tesla songs.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

c7spheres said:


> Go to any bar, put on a fake wedding ring, act arrogant and like you don't give a shit. The one nighters will flock around and you can take your pick home or, better yet, to the back seat of your car. Then go home and play guitar. The time money and effort spent on most women these days isn't worth it at all. Most aren't even fun to be around. This also works in clubs, the workplace etc. Women seem to like married men that act like assholes to them and then play make up games. That being said, It would be nice to find a unicorn in the wild though. Love will find a way : ) Oh great. Now I'm singing Tesla songs.


Hey now, Tesla is rad.


----------



## c7spheres

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Hey now, Tesla is rad.


 I like Tesla. I just like to keep those tear jerking moments private : )


----------



## TedEH

c7spheres said:


> The time money and effort spent on most women these days isn't worth it at all.


I mean, you're talking about half the human population. Sounds to me like you're just hanging around with the wrong crowd for what you're looking for.



c7spheres said:


> Go to any bar,


Ah, exactly, there's your problem. If you want something more significant than one nighters, then don't spend all your time in the places people go to pick up one nighters.

There's a world of difference between building a partnership with someone who is, as you put it, worth the effort spent, vs picking up strangers in bars.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> I mean, you're talking about half the human population. Sounds to me like you're just hanging around with the wrong crowd for what you're looking for.
> 
> 
> Ah, exactly, there's your problem. If you want something more significant than one nighters, then don't spend all your time in the places people go to pick up one nighters.



I'm not the one looking for anything. I never said I wanted anything. I don't have relationship issue problems. I was just giving some tips to anyone who wants a one nighter. People are people. There's really no better crowds of people, just cleaner or dirtier. 



TedEH said:


> There's a world of difference between building a partnership with someone who is, as you put it, worth the effort spent, vs picking up strangers in bars.


 I find there is almost no difference over the course of time. Plenty of people meet in bars and are happy, then it goes to shit just like most people. Same with people who meet in the workplace, the internet, supermarkets etc. People are people. If you want sex, go get it. If you want a relationship, go get it. it's just a matter of how you conduct yourself. usually, it's not worth the effort. That's why everyone keeps dating a bunch until they find someone they can settle down with.


----------



## Bearitone

TedEH said:


> I mean, you're talking about half the human population. Sounds to me like you're just hanging around with the wrong crowd for what you're looking for.
> 
> 
> Ah, exactly, there's your problem. If you want something more significant than one nighters, then don't spend all your time in the places people go to pick up one nighters.
> 
> There's a world of difference between building a partnership with someone who is, as you put it, worth the effort spent, vs picking up strangers in bars.



This^^^ 
Go somewhere other than a bar. Actually go somewhere where alcohol isn’t consumed. Start going to something regularly. Rock climbing club, Cooking classes, shit even church if you’re so inclined.

You’re more likely to meet someone active, healthy, and mentally stable if you stay away from bars and clubs.


----------



## c7spheres

Bearitone said:


> This^^^
> Go somewhere other than a bar. Actually go somewhere where alcohol isn’t consumed. Start going to something regularly. Rock climbing club, Cooking classes, shit even church if you’re so inclined.
> 
> You’re more likely to meet someone active, healthy, and mentally stable if you stay away from bars and clubs.



Why is nobody reading my posts? I'm not looking for anything here. I'm not the OP or the last person who was having an issue. Go give them advise. I'm fine with how I am.


----------



## Bearitone

c7spheres said:


> Why is nobody reading my posts? I'm not looking for anything here. I'm not the OP or the last person who was having an issue. Go give them advise. I'm fine with how I am.



Lol sorry, my bad


----------



## TedEH

c7spheres said:


> usually, it's not worth the effort. That's why everyone keeps dating a bunch until they find someone they can settle down with.


Pretty sure that's not the reason people date - there are tons of reasons why people may or may not be compatible, but that doesn't mean people aren't worth the effort. That's a super pessimistic way to look at dating. Or just other people in general. "If I don't benefit from this, then any time spent around you was a waste".



c7spheres said:


> Why is nobody reading my posts?


Just as your comment was meant as a general statement, so do I take the responses. It's just legit good general advice that bars aren't always the ideal place to meet people in a more wanting-something-long-term headspace.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> Pretty sure that's not the reason people date - there are tons of reasons why people may or may not be compatible, but that doesn't mean people aren't worth the effort. That's a super pessimistic way to look at dating. Or just other people in general. "If I don't benefit from this, then any time spent around you was a waste".
> 
> 
> Just as your comment was meant as a general statement, so do I take the responses. It's just legit good general advice that bars aren't always the ideal place to meet people in a more wanting-something-long-term headspace.


 I know. I am pretty pessimistic sometimes. I've been around the block so many times it's made me a little callused. I feel like Mickey Rourke's character in that movie The Wrestler sometimes. Sex, Drugs, and Rock n' Roll buddy. Live it up while you can. I did stop drinking and druggin a long time ago though, TBH. I'm a lot older than people may think, so I grew up in the 80's and 90's generation, to give perspective. I've been through a lot, like many people, but those were radically different times, with radically different people, just like every generation. Today's generation is not as fun or free. Bunch of overly sensitive wussys, for the most part. There are some really good genuine people of course. As the saying goes; I'm getting older, but my taste for young pretty women stays the same! Even damaged goods needs some lovin'! ; )


----------



## TedEH

There's a fair bit to unpack in there, but I suspect that your perspective might change a fair bit if you can get out of whatever mindset leads you to think of people as goods. I get that it makes me sound maybe like a prude, or the kind of wuss you're referring to, but it is what it is.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> There's a fair bit to unpack in there, but I suspect that your perspective might change a fair bit if you can get out of whatever mindset leads you to think of people as goods. I get that it makes me sound maybe like a prude, or the kind of wuss you're referring to, but it is what it is.


 No, I agree with you. I don't really see people as goods. I'm just coming off the wrong way. I'm really a very respectful guy and very respectful to people. I don't see you as a wuss or prude and I don't even really see anything wrong with prudes or wuss's. I really get along with a lot of different types of people. I may seem a little brash at times, but I'm really just a very open and unfiltered personality, sometimes. I forget sometimes others may not be comfortable with it and haven't come to that point of acceptance yet. 
The older you get the easier it is to be open and to the point about stuff. I've had many long term happy relationships over the years as well as short lived ones etc. I think over time you get to be able to read people/women easier. You can tell the ones that are looking for a quick fling vs a more serious thing for sure. The older you get the more to the point people become. It's almost like a business transaction whereas once you get the formality out of the way you can say to a women 'I need this, this, and this from you' and she can say the same back to you, in a sense. When you come to an agreement, then you are on pretty solid ground in a short amount of time. Working out the fine details along the way is like a marriage. This is similar to arranged marriages in a sense. 
To many people spend years together before they figure out it isn't going to work out. By not beating around the bush and being direct and to the point, uncensored, brutally honest and truthful up front can literally save you years of a relationship. Many people aren't ready for that kind of openness and risk. By discovering key things about a person that are a deal breaker, sooner, rather than later, you are doing both persons a favor. This can swing both ways and bond people together stronger as well. Everyone knows this couple. They are like one bi-polar person separated into two bodies. They go through everything together highs, lows,etc and are really in love. They've figured out their own dynamics in their relationship and know body else can figure them out. They are that crazy old couple who've been together for 50 years and still wild and crazy, but chill and boring at the same time. 
I was being sarcastic at the end of my last comment. Calling someone damaged goods is just a saying, I don't literally see them as goods. I'm damaged goods for sure. It just means the person has been through some hard times and is permanently scarred from it. I will still always like pretty young women, though I do like me older pretty women too. Good times.


----------



## TedEH

I think I might need a bit of encouragement or something. I've been spending a lot of time with someone, but can't quite express that I want to explore where that could go. It's one of those "don't want to ruin an existing good thing" vs "don't want to pass up a potentially much better thing" kind of situation.


----------



## Smoked Porter

TedEH said:


> I think I might need a bit of encouragement or something. I've been spending a lot of time with someone, but can't quite express that I want to explore where that could go. It's one of those "don't want to ruin an existing good thing" vs "don't want to pass up a potentially much better thing" kind of situation.


May as well go for it, for all you know she's feeling the same way. Seems like the existing good thing isn't good enough on your end, and if that "ruins" things, that's okay, you can make more friends, and so can she.


----------



## Konfyouzd

TedEH said:


> I think I might need a bit of encouragement or something. I've been spending a lot of time with someone, but can't quite express that I want to explore where that could go. It's one of those "don't want to ruin an existing good thing" vs "don't want to pass up a potentially much better thing" kind of situation.


Hmm... Same boat, sir. Just try... If it's currently a good thing you risk only having the conversation ab things staying as they are. And even if that's awkward or painful, I've found not knowing to be worse in both the pain and awkwardness it can cause.


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

TedEH said:


> I think I might need a bit of encouragement or something. I've been spending a lot of time with someone, but can't quite express that I want to explore where that could go. It's one of those "don't want to ruin an existing good thing" vs "don't want to pass up a potentially much better thing" kind of situation.



From someone who's always opted for 'not ruining an existing good thing,' just bite the bullet and do it. If it doesn't go over well, it'll be like ripping off the band-aid. Because if you don't, you'll always wonder, and it'll eat away at you. It's awful. If you take the shot you win no matter what- just do it.


----------



## MFB

As someone who has ruined the existing thing, I found the more I opted to "not ruin it," was just a passive way of ruining it, and in the end I just became sort of half into the relationship and it was like the equivalent of getting mad at someone for something they did in a dream. Just do it and be done with it.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> I think I might need a bit of encouragement or something. I've been spending a lot of time with someone, but can't quite express that I want to explore where that could go. It's one of those "don't want to ruin an existing good thing" vs "don't want to pass up a potentially much better thing" kind of situation.


 I think exactly what you just told all of us is the way you should tell that someone. Seriously, literally tell her something like that. If all the time you're spending together is at work, you may want to be really careful about it. Some places may fire you for doing that, and then it gets really awkward if they don't reciprocate. If it's a girl and she's willingly spending any kind of time or attention to you, chances are she's into you. Not a jab at you, it just seems to be the way it goes, ime.


----------



## MetalHex

What is "it" that you dont want to ruin, when there is the potential to make "it" better?


----------



## Konfyouzd

Better > Good > Bad

When some ppl are asked to change, things move in one direction vs the other. Then again, where you are in that spectrum seems to be a matter of perception.

Potential is potential--not a guarantee. And what's "better" for some is not best for all.

C'est la vie


----------



## High Plains Drifter

I agree with all the replies above. Plus it's not like the relationship is doomed just because you open up a little more. As long as you don't make some kind of embarrassingly inappropriate gesture, then your honesty shouldn't negatively affect anything... especially if the friendship is already sincere and mutual.


----------



## Bobro

TedEH said:


> I think I might need a bit of encouragement or something. I've been spending a lot of time with someone, but can't quite express that I want to explore where that could go. It's one of those "don't want to ruin an existing good thing" vs "don't want to pass up a potentially much better thing" kind of situation.



As long as it is not a band member! That's a bonehead move I made recently, now, where's my f-n band?


----------



## TedEH

Sudden wave of advice is sudden, but appreciated. 



c7spheres said:


> I think exactly what you just told all of us is the way you should tell that someone.


This was more or less the plan, to be honest.

Slightly more context: Not a band member, and not a coworker. The "good thing" is that this is an old high school friend who sort of disappeared immediately after school but re-appeared about three months ago (via Tinder, of all places). Since then, I've been visiting at least once a week to just hang out. Gone to some concerts. We took a sort of spontaneous roadtrip last weekend. We keep going out and doing things where the people around us assume we're together - I suppose the "better thing" would be not having to correct them and go "oh we're not together".

The trick right now is that there's a good chance we won't run into eachother again for a bit. She's working through the weekend, then will be out of town the next weekend. And work schedules are waaaay too different to line up anything during the week. This means that I either have to wait and stew over the idea, or start being more forward via text messages. I feel like text messages are really not the way to go for this conversation, but my choices are limited.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> Sudden wave of advice is sudden, but appreciated.
> 
> 
> This was more or less the plan, to be honest.
> 
> Slightly more context: Not a band member, and not a coworker. The "good thing" is that this is an old high school friend who sort of disappeared immediately after school but re-appeared about three months ago (via Tinder, of all places). Since then, I've been visiting at least once a week to just hang out. Gone to some concerts. We took a sort of spontaneous roadtrip last weekend. We keep going out and doing things where the people around us assume we're together - I suppose the "better thing" would be not having to correct them and go "oh we're not together".
> 
> The trick right now is that there's a good chance we won't run into eachother again for a bit. She's working through the weekend, then will be out of town the next weekend. And work schedules are waaaay too different to line up anything during the week. This means that I either have to wait and stew over the idea, or start being more forward via text messages. I feel like text messages are really not the way to go for this conversation, but my choices are limited.


- Texting is lame for this stuff, imo, but I'm in my 40's, so what do I know? Texting doesn't convey any emotion or sincerity. I don't know what everyone's into nowadays with that stuff other than using it to hook up. I do it the face to face way. 
-It is a critical time based on what you're saying. This time apart for you guys can go a lot of different ways. She could loose interest, gain interest, or meet another guy in that time. Usually this is when the procrastinator / nice guy gets screwed. I'd make it a point to physically see her asap and let her know, even if you gotta screw up your schedule for a day or two. Or here's a crazy idea (I know I'm getting crazy now) You could call her and talk to her on a phone call.


----------



## Konfyouzd

c7spheres said:


> - Texting is lame for this stuff, imo, but I'm in my 40's, so what do I know? Texting doesn't convey any emotion or sincerity. I don't know what everyone's into nowadays with that stuff other than using it to hook up. I do it the face to face way.
> -It is a critical time based on what you're saying. This time apart for you guys can go a lot of different ways. She could loose interest, gain interest, or meet another guy in that time. Usually this is when the procrastinator / nice guy gets screwed. I'd make it a point to physically see her asap and let her know, even if you gotta screw up your schedule for a day or two. Or here's a crazy idea (I know I'm getting crazy now) You could call her and talk to her on a phone call.


Yep... You're in that "Just call her and be done with it" era. That said, it does still work--if she likes you. 

I usually give them my phone number at some point. Most of them *at least* text you. I've found that sometimes you can find out if they prefer texts to calls that way or if they even want to talk to your ass like that in the first place. 

People tend to at least have an idea of what they want even if momentarily. If she has the keys to the car but never decides to drive it, she's either shy or uninterested. Time usually tells you which of the two it is if you're around often enough. I think there's a prodigious difference between being around and being a nuisance, but I'm not sure i'ts responsible to generalize said difference.


----------



## TedEH

Konfyouzd said:


> If she has the keys to the car but never decides to drive it, she's either shy or uninterested.


I basically need to figure out which of these two it is. 

You could arguably say the same thing the other way around though. This long and I've not "made a move" either - I could just as easily have given off the impression that _I'm_ the one who isn't that interested. I think there's also a hesitation on both sides because we're existing friends with some mutual friends, although mostly people I've not kept in touch with either. So there's a small risk of things getting messy. But I think we're both adult enough to handle that. And I think I need to clearly make that argument.


----------



## Konfyouzd

TedEH said:


> I basically need to figure out which of these two it is.
> 
> You could arguably say the same thing the other way around though. This long and I've not "made a move" either - I could just as easily have given off the impression that _I'm_ the one who isn't that interested. I think there's also a hesitation on both sides because we're existing friends with some mutual friends, although mostly people I've not kept in touch with either. So there's a small risk of things getting messy. But I think we're both adult enough to handle that. And I think I need to clearly make that argument.


Exactly why you should go for it, sir.

The situation you described has ruined me many times. There have been some people I've been VERY interested in, but I was always spending too much time in my head worrying about "society rules" that often don't actually apply. In some cases I've been friends with the girls' siblings. Almost every time they told me, "She said it seemed like you weren't very interested."

There's definitely a fine line where you don't wanna bug someone, but at the same time, if someone likes you, what would bug them about other ppl might not bug them about you.

Example... I got lucky once and a girl complained to me that she was so busy and her phone just wouldn't stop ringing... I told her "Well I was gonna hit you up this weekend to see if you wanted to _____, but I'm not sure I want to take up even more of your time." 

Her response was, "What if you're the only one I actually want to call?" Why was that the case? Who the hell cares? It works for me. 

We can't be presumptuous.

An older lady in my family put it to me really well once. If you can't approach her the way you would your best friend, you're probably not comfortable enough with one another to be anything more than passing acquaintances anyway.


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

TedEH said:


> I basically need to figure out which of these two it is.



Eh, this may be an unpopular thing to say these days, but I wouldn't put too much stock into that and instead just chalk it up to the fact that you're the man here.
In these situations, men are the ones expected to make the play. Obviously not 100% of the time and everyone is different, but this still seems to overwhelmingly be true, at least on a subconscious level. As a super shy dude I wish it wasn't so, but such is life.

Based on what you've said, it sounds to me like she's interested; at least enough to give it a shot if you ask her. I'd say yeah, if you're really thinking you wanna give it a go, try and set something up, screw up your sleeping pattern for a couple days and go for it. The less you worry about it the better.

If nothing else, you could poll one of these mutual friends and see what they think; someone who knows you both may have some valuable insight.


----------



## MFB

Ordacleaphobia said:


> If nothing else, you could poll one of these mutual friends and see what they think; someone who knows you both may have some valuable insight.



Especially if those mutual friends have already mistaken them for being together


----------



## Konfyouzd

MFB said:


> Especially if those mutual friends have already mistaken them for being together


Ben from down town... 

That also might be a description for the saddest [dark] romantic comedy ever.


----------



## TedEH

Soooooooooooooo some good news and bad news:
The good news is that I managed to say my piece, it was pretty close to the same as what I said here, and a part of me is relieved that it's out in the open now.
The bad news is that it was received with much less enthusiasm than I had hoped.

I am now kind of stuck in the limbo of "I don't know how to react to that" and needing "time to process". I think I did honestly catch her off-guard and now she's having to re-contextualize the last couple of months with this new information.

Some mildly poor news is that most of the conversation was via text - I tried to convince her to come over and that didn't work, but by this point she had picked up that something was going on. Some mildly positive news is that when I read it back this morning though, I could choose to interpret what she said as "ok, I'm surprised, but I'm listening, so convince me", even though that's not what was actually said.

So.... gonna see how this goes. I think the plan is to go over there Saturday night and continue the conversation in person. I feel like I need to be ready for that. Go in confident, so to speak. But also be prepared to just drop it if things go poorly? Best case, maybe I just put something good in motion. Worst case, I might have just fvcked up my summer weekend hangout friend.

Wish me luck, I guess?


----------



## MFB

When you say "drop it" do you mean it as in, trying to make something more happen? Or it, as in her as a person? 

Because the latter one I'll admit, is a shitty thing to do if you still have things in common, and this was the only hiccup so far. If its no, and you want space or time to accept that, then take it, but I can tell you, its not a good feeling knowing you no longer talk to someone just because you have no chance of fucking them.


----------



## KnightBrolaire

insert generic motivational quote that applies to dating*







*acceptable answers include "shoot your shot", "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take", "fortune favors the bold", "He who waits, masturbates" "When you move upon the ladies, be like a thunderbolt -Sun Tzu"


----------



## TedEH

MFB said:


> When you say "drop it" do you mean it as in, trying to make something more happen? Or it, as in her as a person?


Nonono, I just mean be prepared to drop the subject. As in, I feel like I need to be willing to just take a respectful "no" and be able to move past it immediately - exactly the opposite of dropping her as a person. At the end of the day, no matter what she says, she's still a friend, and that hasn't changed. I'm not going to start avoiding her or something.

Edit: In other words, I can't in fairness take that all-or-nothing attitude where I either can't take no for an answer, or let a no change anything.

I gatta stop talking about it like I expect a flat no. Some self-respect and confidence might go a long way. The fear of the unknown is real.


----------



## MFB

I had a feeling it was that one, but for my own peace of mind, had to ask


----------



## TedEH

MFB said:


> had to ask


I know the feeling? 

Edit: And look where that got me.


----------



## MetalHex

Trying to get out of the freindzone can be tough. Good luck


----------



## Adieu

Folks, for future reference:
THIS is where one ought to fake being a cuddly drunk, spring an utterly insincere "hey, are you kinda hitting on me here?", and improvise based on the reaction

Frank Yes - coy "works for me" reaction
Apologetic - yeah you can work with that, just convert it ASAP
Fake-shocked - react fake-hurt, then as above

....genuine appalled? React with fake relief and toast to being able to just be friends despite where you met and not having to be "that guy". Friendzone her, HARD.


That's pretty much the only fairly safe way to try to fake your way out of a sorta-friendzone --- without the crippling awkwardness of a failed blushing highschooler confession, the self-destruct of playing unwanted grabass, or the oh fark I'm confused now limbo of a neither here nor there text/email chain...


----------



## MFB

Adieu said:


> Folks, for future reference:
> THIS is where one ought to fake being a cuddly drunk, spring an utterly insincere "hey, are you kinda hitting on me here?", and improvise based on the reaction



Or, _or,_ you can talk to the other person like you're both grown adults having a conversation about something and just ask them without feigning being under the influence of something; especially if you're trying to express feelings and your thought is - or more accurately, it comes across as - "the only way I could tackle this is with the aide of substances," what would that say about anytime you needed to have a serious discussion if a relationship actually DID come out of it?


----------



## TedEH

Maybe you're right. Maybe not. Maybe I should have just done nothing. Now I just feel like garbage.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Glad you said what you had to say. Good luck, man. If she didn't immediately just stop talking to you she's--at the very least--a cool friend. 

Hope for the best, man. Sometimes people never think of you that way because they assume you don't think of them that way. I wouldn't read too much into what seems to be a lack of enthusiasm via text message.

There are plenty of times I've hit someone up and think all sorts of crazy shit because they don't reply for <insert time period> but the same thing happens with my friends--people that actually like me and willingly hang out with me on a regular basis. A person being interested in you doesn't stop the rest of life from happening. When you're texting someone any number of other things can be happening on the other end.

It's hard to be patient, but I think there's a reason it was deemed a virtue.


----------



## TedEH

Thanks, Konfyouzd. You're saying things I need to hear. 

She's been texting this morning as if yesterdays conversation didn't happen. Good that she's still being cool though. I need to find something to do to keep me distracted for a while.


----------



## Adieu

MFB said:


> Or, _or,_ you can talk to the other person like you're both grown adults having a conversation about something and just ask them without feigning being under the influence of something; especially if you're trying to express feelings and your thought is - or more accurately, it comes across as - "the only way I could tackle this is with the aide of substances," what would that say about anytime you needed to have a serious discussion if a relationship actually DID come out of it?



Whaaaaaat?

Coyness is so Flirting 101 it's hardly underhanded or immature

Also, the unfair kicker as always is that pretty much anyone can learn to hit on random people till the cows come home, and it's only the ones where you probably really ought to make the move where most lock up...

And, of course, there's also the highly probable "mutual lock up" scenario where both sides say just enough to get awkward, but without anything decisive just end up avoiding each other like a damn romcom...


----------



## MFB

OK, but then why not suggest just being coy instead of saying "hey, fake like you're drunk and insincere"? Because if I'm having someone ask me about my feelings for them, why would I tell them if they're just acting insincere?


----------



## Adieu

TedEH said:


> Thanks, Konfyouzd. You're saying things I need to hear.
> 
> She's been texting this morning as if yesterdays conversation didn't happen. Good that she's still being cool though. I need to find something to do to keep me distracted for a while.



That's the pitfall of such a plan of attack

Retrospective encounters have proven, with absolutely no shadow of a doubt, that this puzzling behavior is NOT necessarily a form of gentle letdown, but can ALSO be a frighteningly common and extremely facepalmy female attempt at flirtation

Apparently the "correct" response (IF you're hopeful) is to push through like a bull in a china shop and pretty much signal "I don't care that I'm making an ass of myself or wrecking any chance of resuming a comfortable status quo friendship" to any and all concerned, because.... APPARENTLY... "I don't care about our friendship, the D wants what the D wants" is the correct caveman signal ("sooo romantic" lol) that her instincts yearn for.

HOWEVER... it can also be a gentle letdown. Though, apparently, far less often than you might be led to expect.


----------



## TedEH

I'm not 16 anymore, I have no desire for those kinds of games. If I can't just be honest and expect honesty back, then how should I expect to build anything from that?


----------



## MFB

TedEH said:


> I'm not 16 anymore, I have no desire for those kinds of games. If I can't just be honest and expect honesty back, then how should I expect to build anything from that?



This is the right answer.


----------



## Adieu

TedEH said:


> I'm not 16 anymore, I have no desire for those kinds of games. If I can't just be honest and expect honesty back, then how should I expect to build anything from that?



Courting is like etiquette. There's baffling rules and they're unavoidable.

Honesty is the same calibre faux pas as grabbing a chicken by the leg and gnawing on it cuz you're hungry... it seems so damn logical, but it just ain't done.


----------



## TedEH

I think we're gonna have to agree to disagree on all of that. All of the best dating situations I've been in came out of being entirely honest about what I wanted at the time.


----------



## KnightBrolaire

yeahh... disregard the "lul just play fuck fuck games like you're in high school still" quips. The only thing to lie to women about is 1. how much you spend on guitars/gear and 2. whether they look fat or not in an outfit (also applies if they ask if they look ugly in an outfit). Sometimes it's better if they don't know the truth


----------



## Konfyouzd

There's a degree of playing coy that doesn't require the part that feels like a game. There are ways to friendly poke fun at ppl and just genuinely have fun with them that'll sometimes let you know. 

Body language... How close they position themselves to you... 

A lot of those things become more apparent the more comfortable someone is with you. And they're not always conscious decisions. 

Immediately going for the score can close that door. Women are well aware of the dumb, "Trick her into loving you," crap--at least any one worth thinking this much about is.


----------



## c7spheres

I think she likes you too. Just go back to your friendship with her and build on that. Let nature take it's course. You've let her know how you feel and in time she will come to you as long as you keep being you and don't try to push her into anything, but still occasionally remind her you're into her (like once every couple weeks in a subtle way). She will process everything and figure it out and eventually make her own move towards you. She may even have a guy or two in between. This isn't uncommon. People need time to process and figure out things and make sure how they feel sometimes. It's not uncommon to weigh out other options too. The fact she's texting you the next morning is a good sign and means she either really is serious about you and is figuring it out, or after a month or two from now will basically be avoiding you or having very little contact at all with you. This is where to just back off and let her bring things up. The ball is in her court. Oh, btw, texting sucks.


----------



## MetalHex

Id rather be rejected than eternally freindzoned. Just be up front and honest and worst case scenario is you lose a "friend" (quotations because we know you want to be more than friends)


----------



## Konfyouzd

MetalHex said:


> Id rather be rejected than eternally freindzoned.


One-hundred-fucking-percent. 

My father told me when I was very young, "If you feel a certain way about someone, it's always worth it to let them know. The worst that can happen is that things will stay as they are." (I believe that in some cases it's worthwhile to suspend this rule in the event that your feelings toward someone are less than amicable  )

Most people don't want to admit it, but we are usually the biggest factor in our own disappointment. It's either a matter of setting our own expectations too high or failing to follow through on what we want for fear of an unknown outcome.


----------



## TedEH

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't sort of mentally graphed out all the possible outcomes in my head, given the context I have to work with.
The very worst case scenario I can picture realistically happening is that I'm in the same boat I was 3 months ago, mostly just going about our lives as if the other doesn't exist.
I don't think that's going to happen though.


----------



## TedEH

I just had a weird moment where one of my own songs came on - something that I never put out there cause I thought the lyrics were no good, but recent events have kind of re-framed those lyrics and they're weirdly relevant today.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I will understand if this makes me the villain,but always taking the moral high ground is not always the best option.Also,I've had situations where I did as TedEH did,and the girl dropped communication with me after my failed attempt.I don't think it's a douchebag move;I feel like it's more of a save face.

As c7spheres said,I would just build upon what you two have and keep your mouth shut.People are already thinking you two are a couple,so you best believe she's already thinking it over.I'd just play it by ear.


----------



## Konfyouzd

Reading Adieu's posts again, I don't think what he's saying is as bad as it sounds when you consider the way it's worded. 

I think of a lot of women I know of that have been married for a long time and a common theme among them when they talk about their husband is, "I thought he was kind of obnoxious when I first met him."

That said, I would not try to be a pain in the ass intentionally.


----------



## Adieu

MetalHex said:


> Id rather be rejected than eternally freindzoned. Just be up front and honest and worst case scenario is you lose a "friend" (quotations because we know you want to be more than friends)



Why???

Unless you're from Utah or the Middle East AND both rich and mellow-yet-dominant enough to maintain a functioning harem (or a sneaky player compulsive liar with a raging sex addiction), your social circle could be much bigger than your intimate circle

Just because you could see yourself getting with someone doesn't mean you HAVE to


----------



## MFB

Adieu said:


> Why???
> 
> Unless you're from Utah or the Middle East AND both rich and mellow-yet-dominant enough to maintain a functioning harem (or a sneaky player compulsive liar with a raging sex addiction), your social circle could be much bigger than your intimate circle
> 
> Just because you could see yourself getting with someone doesn't mean you HAVE to



So... let me guess this straight, rather than tell someone how you feel about them in the chances of having that thing you want with them, and if it doesn't work out at least you have the knowledge and ability to no longer say "what if..." - you would rather say nothing, play games like a teenager, and stay as "friends" (which is a bullshit label because you're only hanging on in hopes of getting action despite never letting her know your intentions), just so you can have ...more friends?


----------



## Adieu

MFB said:


> So... let me guess this straight, rather than tell someone how you feel about them in the chances of having that thing you want with them, and if it doesn't work out at least you have the knowledge and ability to no longer say "what if..." - you would rather say nothing, play games like a teenager, and stay as "friends" (which is a bullshit label because you're only hanging on in hopes of getting action despite never letting her know your intentions), just so you can have ...more friends?



I'm not 13

I don't HAVE to try to get with every attractive interesting woman with a pleasant personality that I come across, or make an agonizing personal drama of a perfectly good non-sexual relationship

Chicks are people too (shocking! I KNOW~)


----------



## MetalHex

MFB said:


> So... let me guess this straight, rather than tell someone how you feel about them in the chances of having that thing you want with them, and if it doesn't work out at least you have the knowledge and ability to no longer say "what if..." - you would rather say nothing, play games like a teenager, and stay as "friends" (which is a bullshit label because you're only hanging on in hopes of getting action despite never letting her know your intentions), just so you can have ...more friends?



This.

Also he obviously has spent enough time with her to know that there is something there more than just face-value...

He would be kicking himself for a long time if he doesnt jump on the opportunity....I dont think he would be kicking himself if she rejected him though.....considering what he really wants....so its worth the shot


----------



## MFB

Adieu said:


> I don't HAVE to try to *get with every attractive interesting woman* with a pleasant personality that I come across, or make an agonizing personal drama of a perfectly good non-sexual relationship



So far, none of this has been about casual hook-ups with dozens of random attractive women, these are just one particular woman that is intended to turn into something more. Where are you getting the idea that this is a numbers game?


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

MFB said:


> So far, none of this has been about casual hook-ups with dozens of random attractive women, these are just one particular woman that is intended to turn into something more. Where are you getting the idea that this is a numbers game?



I dunno man, but looking at the thread tags, we're getting wildly off-topic. 




On that note, who here plays banjo? Anybody?


----------



## Konfyouzd

MFB said:


> So... let me guess this straight, rather than tell someone how you feel about them in the chances of having that thing you want with them, and if it doesn't work out at least you have the knowledge and ability to no longer say "what if..." - you would rather say nothing, play games like a teenager, and stay as "friends" (which is a bullshit label because you're only hanging on in hopes of getting action despite never letting her know your intentions), just so you can have ...more friends?


----------



## c7spheres

Adieu said:


> Why???
> 
> .... (or a sneaky player compulsive liar with a raging sex addiction),....



Hey!, that's my old bass player. He supposedly could never jam or do anything anymore because he always had mandatory overtime at his job, but he was always broke, which puzzled me. I knew him for over 25 years, so I know when he's lying. After doing some investigating (friendly stalking) , it turns out he was just hooking up with with a really nasty whore that was still married to her husband and abandoned her kids. I'm not being mean, she was literally a whore. She was an abomination in the looks dept too. I almost lost all respect for him but then just felt sorry that someone would be so desperate. Not to pay for it so much, but if you could see this girl, just ughh. I'd rather be alone with my hand and my thoughts. You couldn't pay me enough to touch that girl (well.., how much we talkin'?, maybe for a million) 
- There is no point I'm making here other than everyone should set reasonable standards and stick to them if possible, don't fall into temptation yet seize opportunities if your gut tells you too. The better you get at rejection/failure, the better you get at success, but only you can define what success means to you personally.


----------



## TedEH

Since I think it's my own story that prompted this conversation, let me clarify some things:

I don't think I'm really risking losing a friend here. (I think) I know her well enough to know that both of us can take a "no" and move on. If anything, I've been continuing to receive text messages as if nothing happened. Maybe even more messages? When she's on breaks at work, when she gets home, etc. It's pretty consistent. I just counted - 216 messages back and forth since the end of the conversation where I suggested we date. Nothing said about the subject since, but that's fine.

I'm not trying to just add benefits to an existing friendship. It's not about hooking up. I've been there, and _that's_ not a situation I want to throw on an existing friendship of any value. Those are the ones, in my experience, where things go south pretty quick. I think the way that I've worded it, both here and when I spoke to her about it, ends up being important - it's about recognizing and acknowledging that there's maybe something more than a surface level friendship and putting the option of exploring that on the table. Just because I've presented the option doesn't mean it needs to be acted on either. It was important to me to make it very clear that the option was there so that there wouldn't be a question anymore. If she chooses not to act on that, then we can continue to hang out without the pressure of wondering if one of us is thinking about the other on different terms.

Cue the Rush bit that's been playing in my head for the last day:
"If you chose not to decide, you still have made a choice."

I've also tried to be pretty clear about how there's nothing wrong with friends. Friends are good. Friends are a positive. My theory has always been that if dating someone is going to work out, this person needs to more or less become your best friend anyway. It's a trust thing with two advantages: If you are dating, you've built it on a solid base. If you're not dating, then you still have enough common ground to just _be_ friends without anything else being required. In this specific case, even just having a place to hang around on weekends, with her, her roommate - even the dog, I really dig the dog they've got over there - that's valuable, it's done me a lot of good to be social on that level lately, and I have zero intention of stopping those things as long as I'm still welcome to.

I'm supposed to go over there on Saturday night unless the plan has changed, and I think how that goes will be very telling. I've got a lot bouncing around in my head that I'd like to type out (although I probably shouldn't be airing my drama on the internet where people I know could possibly find it... lol?) but it's gonna be a busy day and I've got things I need to do. Gah.

Typing this out has helped me out though. I felt like garbage when I woke up this morning. I feel better now. This forum does me a lot of good. Thanks guys.


----------



## KnightBrolaire

Ordacleaphobia said:


> I dunno man, but looking at the thread tags, we're getting wildly off-topic.
> 
> View attachment 71933
> 
> 
> On that note, who here plays banjo? Anybody?


I mean I dabble in banjo and banjotar (6 string banjo). Clawhammer is fuckin weird yo. 
Also 2nd and 3rd cousins are fair game, right?


----------



## TedEH

That's what I've been missing this whole time: The banjo.


----------



## KnightBrolaire

TedEH said:


> That's what I've been missing this whole time: The banjo.


being able to play country drops panties yo
metal, ehhh not so much


----------



## TedEH

I dunno that I can go as far as country, but I can do some magic with an acoustic for sure.


----------



## Adieu

KnightBrolaire said:


> I mean I dabble in banjo and banjotar (6 string banjo). Clawhammer is fuckin weird yo.
> Also 2nd and 3rd cousins are fair game, right?



What IS a 3rd cousin, anyway? 1 pair of great-great-grandparents in common?

Unless you attend a lot of extended family functions, would that even come up???

How many times y'all date a girl and ask her to list her great-great-granddaddies???

Or, more to the point, can you name yours? Hell, can you even, off the top of your head, WITHOUT thinking about it, tell HOW MANY great-great-grandparents you had??


----------



## KnightBrolaire

TedEH said:


> I dunno that I can go as far as country, but I can do some magic with an acoustic for sure.


seriously just learn some brad paisley and luke bryan songs (or if she has better taste, colton wall, luke combs and older stuff by waylon jennings/johnny cash, etc).


----------



## TedEH

I think if I had to learn Brad Paisley songs for anyone, we're already long past a couple o dealbreakers.


----------



## MFB

TedEH said:


> I think if I had to learn Brad Paisley songs for anyone, we're already long past a couple o dealbreakers.



Obligatory BP shred video:


----------



## TedEH

It's not about whether or not he's a good guitar player - I just don't like the music, the aesthetic, etc. I'd rather gouge my eyes out.

It's comparable to when someone might dislike metal on the basis of it being too aggressive or abrasive for them, regardless of how good the musicianship is. It's just the other way around.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I don't think I ever posted about it,but at the end of last year I was trying to make moves on a girl at my job that seemed interested in me,especially when I'd see her at her other job.

Unfortunately,she liked another guy at our job more and cared about his feelings more than mine.Fastforward to a month ago,an employee tells me that she broke up with the aforementioned guy a couple months ago because he was cheating on her.We had been making small talk and every once in awhile I'd mess with her(throw random stuff at her and she'd do it back),but I've backed off because I can't see us going out when she chose another man over me.

This feeling eats away at me every time I think about her,and if we went out I think it would make me look like a sucker.She still approaches and we talk if I see her at her other job although she seems a bit more nervous now.Am I right for feeling the way I feel?Irregardless,should I just move on because the feeling from the past will just eat away at me?


----------



## TedEH

Obsidian Soul said:


> I can't see us going out when she chose another man over me.


IMO that shouldn't be a factor. People change. People make mistakes. People misjudge. I dunno the full context of that situation, but if you think there's something to it (and can get away with the coworkers thing), then I'd not be backing down for that reason.


----------



## TedEH

That being said, I've already posted a whole bunch of my own missteps, soooo maybe take any advice I give with a grain of salt.


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

Well, in the limited perspective that we have here in SSO group therapy, it's tough to say if you're "right." Even if we knew the whole situation first hand, whenever feelings get concerned, it's always tough to label anything as "right" or "wrong," so lets put that to rest straight away. I'd also not waste too much energy on worrying whether or not you'll "look like a sucker," literally no one cares- and if they do, they're probably people who's opinion you don't really care much for anyway. So if it feels right to you and it's something you want to do, just do it. Don't worry about optics; the real world isn't high school.



Obsidian Soul said:


> Unfortunately,she liked another guy at our job more and cared about his feelings more than mine.Fastforward to a month ago,an employee tells me that she broke up with the aforementioned guy a couple months ago because he was cheating on her.We had been making small talk and every once in awhile I'd mess with her(throw random stuff at her and she'd do it back),but I've backed off because I can't see us going out when she chose another man over me.



That said, your phrasing here gives me pause- you almost sound bitter. Did you ever actually ask her out, and she rejected you? Operating on the very limited amount of information I have, it sounds like you're not over some aspect of that interaction from last year. If you're bitter about her decision, I personally wouldn't advise trying to make something happen, because that isn't a good foot to start out on even if she's receptive. You've even just said here that you can't see you two together- I don't think that sounds like a healthy headspace to start a relationship with; do you? So if this is an accurate assessment, yes; I would try to move on.

--And just a quick edit; that doesn't mean take anything off the table. If you can come to terms with how things shook down last year and you're cool with it and moved past it, that's all systems go in my book.


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

TedEH said:


> (and can get away with the coworkers thing)



Christ, this too. Take it from someone who got involved with a coworker- that can get so, so awkward, so, so easily.


----------



## MetalHex

Ordacleaphobia said:


> Christ, this too. Take it from someone who got involved with a coworker- that can get so, so awkward, so, so easily.


How about from a different shift/department?


----------



## Obsidian Soul

Ordacleaphobia said:


> Well, in the limited perspective that we have here in SSO group therapy, it's tough to say if you're "right." Even if we knew the whole situation first hand, whenever feelings get concerned, it's always tough to label anything as "right" or "wrong," so lets put that to rest straight away. I'd also not waste too much energy on worrying whether or not you'll "look like a sucker," literally no one cares- and if they do, they're probably people who's opinion you don't really care much for anyway. So if it feels right to you and it's something you want to do, just do it. Don't worry about optics; the real world isn't high school.
> 
> 
> 
> That said, your phrasing here gives me pause- you almost sound bitter. Did you ever actually ask her out, and she rejected you? Operating on the very limited amount of information I have, it sounds like you're not over some aspect of that interaction from last year. If you're bitter about her decision, I personally wouldn't advise trying to make something happen, because that isn't a good foot to start out on even if she's receptive. You've even just said here that you can't see you two together- I don't think that sounds like a healthy headspace to start a relationship with; do you? So if this is an accurate assessment, yes; I would try to move on.
> 
> --And just a quick edit; that doesn't mean take anything off the table. If you can come to terms with how things shook down last year and you're cool with it and moved past it, that's all systems go in my book.


I asked her out,but she backed out like an hour or two before the date.I didn't care so much because I wasn't prepared anyway(I didn't feel well the morning after work).

I will admit that I was bitter at the time,but I don't really care so much now.

And no,I'm not worried about the coworker thing.She doesn't work in my area,but she works close enough,as in it's easy for us to not interact but we still can.There is an employee that works under me that likes me,but I haven't reacted because,as you said,it would get awkward and I don't like her at all.


----------



## Seabeast2000

Ordacleaphobia said:


> I dunno man, but looking at the thread tags, we're getting wildly off-topic.
> 
> View attachment 71933
> 
> 
> On that note, who here plays banjo? Anybody?



You forgot "Asking for a friend".


----------



## Seybsnilksz

KnightBrolaire said:


> and 2. whether they look fat or not in an outfit (also applies if they ask if they look ugly in an outfit). Sometimes it's better if they don't know the truth



-"Honey, do I look ugly in this?"
-"...you don't look fat..."


----------



## MFB

Since this is bumped I might as well air my own current hiccup, that I'll probably end up doing nothing about, but here we go. 

If "how do I tell my friend I want to be more than friends" is the first oldest question in the big book of relationships, then I think "would it be rude to ask a person out while at their job" would be a close second, and it's where I find myself. There's a place I have regular appointments at every 6-8 weeks, and the girl who the manager/admin of that location is cute, probably mid-20's so a little younger than me, and we get along for the brief periods that we get to chat, but ultimately it's pretty minimal given the nature of her job (appts/check-in/out, etc); but at the same time, I'm smart enough to know that part of her job being the first/last person you see when you walk in is _to be nice_, it could just be my brains crossing wires, not to mention it feels like an abuse of the employee/client relationship, but in no way would it affect my standing with them as a business. 

The music they play is all stuff I recognize and have come up on my indie/alternative stations, so depending on how bold I'm feeling next time I'm in there, I do have the opportunity to invite her to a show the following week, but the waters of the whole thing seems muddy enough that I don't know. There's a cases to be made for both sides, so I'm pretty sure in the end it'll just be me having to decide which side I want to end on.


----------



## Demiurge

^In general, I don't think that there's anything wrong with asking the person out if there's an indirect consumer relationship. The worst outcome is that they say no- maybe they're seeing somebody, maybe there's a company policy, etc. Depending on the place she works it could be a bad idea- for instance if she works for your doctor, dentist, accountant, etc. she might be exposed to personal information about you that you'd rather dating prospects not know.


----------



## c7spheres

MFB said:


> Since this is bumped I might as well air my own current hiccup, that I'll probably end up doing nothing about, but here we go.
> 
> If "how do I tell my friend I want to be more than friends" is the first oldest question in the big book of relationships, then I think "would it be rude to ask a person out while at their job" would be a close second, and it's where I find myself. There's a place I have regular appointments at every 6-8 weeks, and the girl who the manager/admin of that location is cute, probably mid-20's so a little younger than me, and we get along for the brief periods that we get to chat, but ultimately it's pretty minimal given the nature of her job (appts/check-in/out, etc); but at the same time, I'm smart enough to know that part of her job being the first/last person you see when you walk in is _to be nice_, it could just be my brains crossing wires, not to mention it feels like an abuse of the employee/client relationship, but in no way would it affect my standing with them as a business.
> 
> The music they play is all stuff I recognize and have come up on my indie/alternative stations, so depending on how bold I'm feeling next time I'm in there, I do have the opportunity to invite her to a show the following week, but the waters of the whole thing seems muddy enough that I don't know. There's a cases to be made for both sides, so I'm pretty sure in the end it'll just be me having to decide which side I want to end on.


 Just ask her if she likes that band or type of music, if yes, then tell her they're playing a show and ask if she wants to go. If she says no then ask if she wants to go do something else sometime.


----------



## MFB

c7spheres said:


> Just ask her if she likes that band or type of music, if yes, then tell her they're playing a show and ask if she wants to go. If she says no then ask if she wants to go do something else sometime.



Thats pretty much the plan. I'm gonna jokingly give her "homework" before my appointment, and from there either see if she liked it and wants to go, or if she already knows/likes them and doesn't know about the show, then also invite her.


----------



## TedEH

Sooo.... an update: Nothing. Still nothing. I visited. We acted like nothing had been said. I tried to steer the conversation towards being open, tried to give ample opportunity to drop me some kind of sign - but nothing. I crashed on the couch, went to jams, and now I'm back at home feeling like garbage again. I can only think to read this as a "fuck no, but also don't want to hurt your feelings" kind of deal.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> Sooo.... an update: Nothing. Still nothing. I visited. We acted like nothing had been said. I tried to steer the conversation towards being open, tried to give ample opportunity to drop me some kind of sign - but nothing. I crashed on the couch, went to jams, and now I'm back at home feeling like garbage again. I can only think to read this as a "fuck no, but also don't want to hurt your feelings" kind of deal.


- Perfect play man! I know you're not playing, but that's exactly what I would think you should do. You've shown her restraint and respect.
- Let nature take it's course. She knows and she's thinking. If you push her she may get upset and forget about thinking about it.
- If she doesn't reach out to you by the end of you're next visit or two, AFTER a week or so has passed (don't give any more hints for at least a week or two), you just gotta be direct with her face to face, not via text or internet stuff. Tell her "I'm really diggin' you and keep thinking about you and want us to try going out sometime or whatever, but no disrespect, and what do you think about that?". I bet she responds to that positively. Either way at least then it's all in the open, dealt with, and unlikely any loss of face or friendship will occur if she's not interested, plus she'll always still have you in mind and maybe just wouldn't be ready yet, because it's hard to say how serious she is about dating, but you seem pretty serious. On the other hand, she may have been waiting for this from you (to man up, as some say) for a long time and is just getting her nerve up to jump into it now that it's a reality for her. Most women want the man to make the first moves it seems. No texting or social about this stuff with her though unless she goes there with it, imo.


----------



## TedEH

I just hate the games. Makes me feel like a walking dumpster fire. I reached out to her roommate last night just to ask if anything had been said about it - because I know the roommate knew I had asked. I figured that someone who has eyes on both of us can tell me if I'm reading the room right. The answer I got back was basically "I have no idea, she can be weird about things".

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So.... from here, I'm taking it as a no. If I can get up the nerve, I'll ask again in person, and failing that, it does me no good to linger on someone who won't even do the me courtesy of giving an answer. Maybe I can take my defeated openness and wrecked nerves as an opportunity to go ask someone who's gonna hopefully give me the time of day.


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

I don't think you need to 'ask again' so much as 'follow up'. I'd treat it almost like a job interview.
You wait what seems like an appropriate amount of time for _you_, then tack on an additional ~20%, then follow up to make sure they know you're serious and you want to see the question though. I'd wait a while longer and then when you're hanging out and there's a lull in the conversation or whatever, just circle back. "So did you ever get a chance to think over what I said the other day?" Direct, no steering. 

At that point, I don't think it'd be unrealistic to at least expect _an answer_; and if it's not the one you want, it's still better than no answer. If you treat it casually she will too, and if you get that no, I don't think it'd be too difficult to pivot and move past it to continue just being friends- if that's what you want to do. 

Dont stress yourself out. Lack of an answer is more of a her issue than a you issue. For some reason most women don't seem to realize that men take avoiding the question harder than even an aggressive no. If that's what she's doing, she's doing it with good intentions- thus I would doubt that her thoughts went along the lines of "fuck no."


----------



## TedEH

I was gonna selectively quote a whole bunch of lines in the above, but basically, yeah. All of that.



Ordacleaphobia said:


> I would doubt that her thoughts went along the lines of "fuck no."


That's what it feels like though.  I appreciate someone saying this though.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

TedEH said:


> I just hate the games. Makes me feel like a walking dumpster fire. I reached out to her roommate last night just to ask if anything had been said about it - because I know the roommate knew I had asked. I figured that someone who has eyes on both of us can tell me if I'm reading the room right. The answer I got back was basically "I have no idea, she can be weird about things".
> 
> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> So.... from here, I'm taking it as a no. If I can get up the nerve, I'll ask again in person, and failing that, it does me no good to linger on someone who won't even do the me courtesy of giving an answer. Maybe I can take my defeated openness and wrecked nerves as an opportunity to go ask someone who's gonna hopefully give me the time of day.


Maybe you should date around while she's figuring out where you two stand?

You get to (possibly) meet women that may be better and give you the female attention/affection/intimacy you desire,and that may give her the push to seal the deal with you.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> I was gonna selectively quote a whole bunch of lines in the above, but basically, yeah. All of that.
> 
> 
> That's what it feels like though.  I appreciate someone saying this though.


 It'll work out. I wouldn't rush it or pressure her though, personally.


----------



## TedEH

Obsidian Soul said:


> Maybe you should date around while she's figuring out where you two stand?


Uuuh yes. Date around. I'm very good at meeting people and finding dates. Lets just say that. 

I think I've gone on maybe 2-3 "dates" in the last three years? And they all went horribly.  I think I've been officially single for.... almost 6 years? I'm very good at being single. I'm not very good at anything else.

Honestly, realistically, I'm very good at meeting people and getting along with them, and making friends. But I always fall into that "you'll make someone very happy, but not me" category somehow. Like I've met people on Tinder, and then we just.... were friends? Would meet up and hang out and go on trips and just never call any of it dating. There's a clear pattern here.


----------



## MFB

If it makes you feel better, I'm going on 9 years of being single, and only ib past two yeara did I even try with someone; and that ended in zero acknowledgement from her after giving out my number.

Granted, for all of them I've been ugly, and the embodiment of every white girl cliche phrase "you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you," etc... and was hoping someone else could break the self deprecating cycle, but alas, no.


----------



## TedEH

MFB said:


> "you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you,"


Don't get me wrong - I still think there's a lot of value in that sentiment anyway. While I've on a number of occasions described how I feel about my situation as "a trash fire", I'm mostly exaggerating for dramatic effect. Or, at worst, experiencing a temporary bout of frustration. I'm 100% on board with being happy on my own. I know what I'm about and I don't need anyone to validate that. I know nothing is owed to me. I'm not tying some failed dates directly to my self-worth. I may not like everything about myself, but I think I've ended up being a pretty decent person on my own terms.

The benefits are twofold: You can provide for yourself when you're on you're own, and you can bring that emotional maturity with you when you do meet someone (or call it a selling point maybe).

When I say 6 years, it comes off complain-y, but it's actually been a very valuable time in terms of personal growth. I improved my health, got a bit better at my job, was able to dive deeper into music, learned a lot about what's important to me or not, figured out a lot of lifestyle stuff, learned to set and meet goals, etc. I went from being a fat dude who would escape into video games to avoid dealing with life to being in the best shape of my adult life, being more serious about my career, advanced a lot as a musician, etc. It was the first time in my life that I lived and functioned entirely on my own - and I could explore what that means without external influences from family, partners, roommates, etc.

While I feel like I'm more than ready for a change, I'll be the first to call being single a positive thing. It's got a lot going for it.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

What's ironic ( to me anyway) is that I read things like this ^^^ and feel that any kindhearted halfway attractive woman would have to be crazy to pass on an opportunity to date a guy like this... just like so many dudes in this thread. I say that from here on out, anybody on SSO that wants to be involved with someone... print out all 622 pages of this thread, put it into an attractive binder, and hand it over to the perspective love interest. 

Seriously though... lotta good dudes in this thread.


----------



## TedEH

High Plains Drifter said:


> print out all 622 pages of this thread, put it into an attractive binder, and hand it over to the perspective love interest.


If only it worked that way.  Then again, this is the internet - I could be great at making myself sound good online, but I'm actually a horrible person in real life.....


----------



## High Plains Drifter

haha... Well everybody possesses shortcomings and faults. Ladies seeking companionship certainly aren't broadcasting that they pull wings off of butterflies and fart at the dinner table. Idk... I think it's cool that a lot of dudes here on SSO aren't afraid to express sincere vulnerability and transparency. Seems that a lot of decent women would likely find this thread quite endearing... or creepy as hell I dunno lol.


----------



## TedEH

It could be both!
Realistically, there's a lot to like about the community here in general. Lots of cool people here. Lots of people I'd be more than willing to buy a beer and pick their brains on things.

I think the fact that I'm not 20 anymore is a lot to do why it doesn't get me very far though. I've got some standards, and I think anyone I'd be matched to also would have some standards. On some level, at this point, a lot of the people around me are just matched up already. I hate making that kind of judgment, but if they're the kind of person I'd be interested in, someone has usually already seen that value and made a move before I ever could. People have families and kids and such already. And those who don't often have their reasons, or don't want those things. Leaves me in that sort of "late for the party" state, where I've spent my last 10 years playing music and video games and no so much connecting with people.

What can you do, I guess.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

TedEH said:


> It could be both!
> Realistically, there's a lot to like about the community here in general. Lots of cool people here. Lots of people I'd be more than willing to buy a beer and pick their brains on things.
> 
> I think the fact that I'm not 20 anymore is a lot to do why it doesn't get me very far though. I've got some standards, and I think anyone I'd be matched to also would have some standards. On some level, at this point, a lot of the people around me are just matched up already. I hate making that kind of judgment, but if they're the kind of person I'd be interested in, someone has usually already seen that value and made a move before I ever could. People have families and kids and such already. And those who don't often have their reasons, or don't want those things. Leaves me in that sort of "late for the party" state, where I've spent my last 10 years playing music and video games and no so much connecting with people.
> 
> What can you do, I guess.



Indeed. Maybe not relative to all of this but my best friend who's single/ 26 yrs old said something recently along the lines of feeling down b/c he's not involved with anyone and hasn't been for quite a while. But I quickly emphasized to him the great things that he has going for him... things that I'll never have... youth, solid relationship with family, no worries regarding monthly expenses, etc, etc. Seemed like he perked up after that lol. I think he's pretty content being single generally speaking... just at times he understandably desires an intimate companion. Idk... anyone's status can change in the blink of an eye so I guess we have to simply be appreciative of the things that we do have in order to find contentment day to day. If we can find that solace within our hearts and minds, then the good things that happen along the way are just spoonfuls of gravy atop the sundae! ( or sprinkles... people seems to like sprinkles on sundae's too)


----------



## TedEH

On a vaguely related note, I've managed to come up with an excuse to meet up after work. I'm hoping I can pull off the "have you thought about what I said" conversation tonight. Wish me luck.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> On a vaguely related note, I've managed to come up with an excuse to meet up after work. I'm hoping I can pull off the "have you thought about what I said" conversation tonight. Wish me luck.



Good Luck. Hope everything works out well.


----------



## TedEH

I managed to get the conversation I wanted to happen! I ended up going over there after work, mostly so that I could continue a weird joke I had made (it's a long story on it's own), but we ended up talking for a good couple of hours about what both of us want, and what either of us don't want. You were right, it definitely was not a "fuck no" situation, in fact I came away from the conversation feeling like there's still a good chance this is headed somewhere. Some legitimate hesitations were raised that shed some light on why I didn't get a response right away, but I think I made a decent case for how we can figure those things out. I left really late, only got two hours of sleep, and I have to work in a really exhausted state now.... but I think it was worth it. 

Even if this goes nowhere after this point, it felt good to make it this far. On some level I got to validate that my confidence level and communication skills are much better than they were last time I was interested in someone. And the confirmation that, hesitations aside, I've managed to sort of "check most of the boxes" for someone is a good feeling.


----------



## TedEH

Sweet jebus, things have changed. I think I've reached the limit of how much I'm going to say on the internet, but I think it's fair to say that I'm excited and scared and all the wires in my brain are kinda crossed this morning, and nothing is quite processing right.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Uh... gonna need a lot more than this ^^^ if we're going to have any hope of sabotaging your love life!


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

I'm conflicted but I'm gunna go with....positive...?


----------



## TedEH

It's positive. Looks like I'm going to get the date I wanted. Just didn't quite happen the way I expected. Some things now make sense that I was previously very confused about. Wouldn't be appropriate for me to elaborate any more than that, not in a public place.

I will go as far as saying though that part of me is wrapping my head around a very general fear of what happens next - I've been single for so long that there's a lot of "oh no, what if I'm actually not prepared for this" to wrap my head around. It's gonna be fine though. I got this. I think.


----------



## will_shred

This year I've lost 30 pounds, gotten in the best shape of my life, graduated college, gotten a job I love, and my dating life is awful 

I briefly dated a gal who I thought was really incredible, she was a killer guitar player, she loved bike rides and video games and cooking. We would make music together, cook together, go for bike rides together, it was amazing. And than she just said that spending time with me was a burden and blocked me on social media.

I recently started hanging out with a friend of a friend, she's pretty damn cool, and we get a long great, we usually just cuddle and listen to music and shoot the shit, shes 5 years older than me (23 vs 28) which I find hot but she thinks that the age difference is too big of a gap for a relationship. which is a bummer, but I will admit that she is clearly much wiser than me. Also, I feel like my tinder profile is on point but I've gotten no matches at all for about 6 weeks when I used to get a few matches per week. its weird because I think my profile is better than it was before, but the evidence says otherwise 

I don't feel comfortable talking about my dating life to my friends anymore, so I love that I can bitch about it here <3 My dating life kinda sucks but everything else is going extremely well for me, so I'm counting my blessings.


----------



## TedEH

will_shred said:


> I briefly dated a gal who I thought was really incredible, she was a killer guitar player, she loved bike rides and video games and cooking. We would make music together, cook together, go for bike rides together, it was amazing. And than she just said that spending time with me was a burden and blocked me on social media.


This whole paragraph hurt my soul a bit.


----------



## MFB

TedEH said:


> This whole paragraph hurt my soul a bit.



Is it because your focusing on the improper use of _than _vs _then?_


----------



## will_shred

TedEH said:


> This whole paragraph hurt my soul a bit.



Yeah it was like something out of a dream, but she turned out to be high key crazy.


----------



## TedEH

MFB said:


> Is it because your focusing on the improper use of _than _vs _then?_


It can be for multiple reasons.


----------



## will_shred

MFB said:


> Is it because your focusing on the improper use of _than _vs _then?_



man if I wanted my grammar to be corrected I'd just post to reddit


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

will_shred said:


> I briefly dated a gal who I thought was really incredible, she was a killer guitar player, she loved bike rides and video games and cooking. We would make music together, cook together, go for bike rides together, it was amazing. And than she just said that spending time with me was a burden and blocked me on social media.



Jesus christ dude, I'm sorry. That's awful. Sounds like you dodged a bullet though, if that's any solace.



> I recently started hanging out with a friend of a friend, she's pretty damn cool, and we get a long great, we usually just cuddle and listen to music and shoot the shit, shes 5 years older than me (23 vs 28) which I find hot but she thinks that the age difference is too big of a gap for a relationship. which is a bummer, but I will admit that she is clearly much wiser than me.



Eh, I mean, I'm 24 and my girl is 30. Been together for a few years now. It's noticeable sometimes, but if you click, it's not a big deal. 
You get to call her a boomer, she gets to call you a stupid kid, it's all good fun. 

If we had the technology to fax beer I'd be all over it, dude. In the meantime, in reality, I guess all you get is warm vibes from a stranger on the internet. 
Congrats on the job btw! God, getting a job that _doesn't_ make you want to see how many pills you can fit in your mouth when you wake up every morning is such a blessing.


----------



## p0ke

will_shred said:


> shes 5 years older than me (23 vs 28) which I find hot but she thinks that the age difference is too big of a gap for a relationship.



My wife is 6 years older than me, yet I'm the mature one in our family  But I've always been old at heart so it kinda makes sense. Anyway, age is just numbers, everyone matures at their own pace, so I wouldn't worry about that too much.

About the break up / hanging out with you being a burden thing... Dude, that sucks... I'd fax you a beer too if it was possible!

I had a bit of a similar situation a bunch of years ago (not as dramatic though, you can read about it on page 506 ), which made me realize that common interests are actually not in any way mandatory in a relationship. I mean, a common interest can be something to break the ice, but beyond that it's basically irrelevant if personalities just happen to click.


----------



## will_shred

Ordacleaphobia said:


> Jesus christ dude, I'm sorry. That's awful. Sounds like you dodged a bullet though, if that's any solace.
> 
> 
> 
> Eh, I mean, I'm 24 and my girl is 30. Been together for a few years now. It's noticeable sometimes, but if you click, it's not a big deal.
> You get to call her a boomer, she gets to call you a stupid kid, it's all good fun.
> 
> If we had the technology to fax beer I'd be all over it, dude. In the meantime, in reality, I guess all you get is warm vibes from a stranger on the internet.
> Congrats on the job btw! God, getting a job that _doesn't_ make you want to see how many pills you can fit in your mouth when you wake up every morning is such a blessing.





p0ke said:


> My wife is 6 years older than me, yet I'm the mature one in our family  But I've always been old at heart so it kinda makes sense. Anyway, age is just numbers, everyone matures at their own pace, so I wouldn't worry about that too much.
> 
> About the break up / hanging out with you being a burden thing... Dude, that sucks... I'd fax you a beer too if it was possible!
> 
> I had a bit of a similar situation a bunch of years ago (not as dramatic though, you can read about it on page 506 ), which made me realize that common interests are actually not in any way mandatory in a relationship. I mean, a common interest can be something to break the ice, but beyond that it's basically irrelevant if personalities just happen to click.



Much love guys  maybe something will happen with her? Who knows. I really like spending time with her, that's all I know/care about.


----------



## c7spheres

will_shred said:


> This year I've lost 30 pounds, gotten in the best shape of my life, graduated college, gotten a job I love, and my dating life is awful
> 
> I briefly dated a gal who I thought was really incredible, she was a killer guitar player, she loved bike rides and video games and cooking. We would make music together, cook together, go for bike rides together, it was amazing. And than she just said that spending time with me was a burden and blocked me on social media.
> 
> I recently started hanging out with a friend of a friend, she's pretty damn cool, and we get a long great, we usually just cuddle and listen to music and shoot the shit, shes 5 years older than me (23 vs 28) which I find hot but she thinks that the age difference is too big of a gap for a relationship. which is a bummer, but I will admit that she is clearly much wiser than me. Also, I feel like my tinder profile is on point but I've gotten no matches at all for about 6 weeks when I used to get a few matches per week. its weird because I think my profile is better than it was before, but the evidence says otherwise
> 
> I don't feel comfortable talking about my dating life to my friends anymore, so I love that I can bitch about it here <3 My dating life kinda sucks but everything else is going extremely well for me, so I'm counting my blessings.



These crazy women man. It's happened to me so many times. Not to diminish what happened to you, but maybe lighten the mood a bit. I just look at is as "blues training" It helps my blue notes sound more legit : ) 
Seriously, When they say it's them and not you, it's true.


----------



## Smoked Porter

will_shred said:


> Also, I feel like my tinder profile is on point but I've gotten no matches at all for about 6 weeks when I used to get a few matches per week. its weird because I think my profile is better than it was before, but the evidence says otherwise



In my experience, when the matches slowed down, deleting my Tinder profile and restarting helped the matches pick back up again. It's probably the algorithm making you less visible.


----------



## will_shred

Smoked Porter said:


> In my experience, when the matches slowed down, deleting my Tinder profile and restarting helped the matches pick back up again. It's probably the algorithm making you less visible.



well, that seemed to work, Thanks for the tip!


----------



## will_shred

relevant


----------



## Albake21

Well..... fuck it I'll bite. Anyone have experience with long distance relationships? Met the girl of my dreams, online sadly. We have so much in common it's almost weird. I'm a pretty niche person, so to find someone that I bond with so much makes the long distance worth a shot. She's moving to Chicago in the spring and we have been talking for about a month now, daily. Been playing games, chatting in discord, etc. Pretty much everything a couple would do except, online. We're willing to try and see how far it will work but of course I'm very cautious.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Albake21 said:


> Well..... fuck it I'll bite. Anyone have experience with long distance relationships? Met the girl of my dreams, online sadly. We have so much in common it's almost weird. I'm a pretty niche person, so to find someone that I bond with so much makes the long distance worth a shot. She's moving to Chicago in the spring and we have been talking for about a month now, daily. Been playing games, chatting in discord, etc. Pretty much everything a couple would do except, online. We're willing to try and see how far it will work but of course I'm very cautious.



I've been on the good and bad side of the online/ long-distance thing. My wife and I met online almost 7 years ago and it's been one hell of a trip ever since. We met face to face after about a year and to this day she claims that she instantly knew that I was "the one". I always encouraged her to not rush things and consider other aspects of her life that might warrant her moving on but she fell hard and although quite cautiously at first... eventually I did too. We've experienced some truly difficult times throughout our relationship so far and I'm sure that there will be more to come but we are very passionate and devoted towards each other, very appreciative of each others good and bad qualities, and very much best friends when the world seems to be falling down around us. I consider us as proof that online relationships CAN indeed develop into much much more! 

The one most important thing about an online relationship is obviously honesty ( assuming that intentions are that it go further). I realize that goes without saying and applies equally to face to face relationships. But it is without a doubt more important than anything else when corresponding from many miles apart. Minor compatibility issues, disagreements, mismatched schedules, physical/ mental imperfections, overall differences, etc shouldn't effect the relationship as long as both parties are sincere and respectful and in the same mindset of wanting to possibly try to eventually meet face to face. But both people must aspire to be as absolutely forthright with one another as possible... even about the "less than flattering" or "hard to confess" details. It's absolutely not fair to either party to conceal things that might significantly manipulate, hinder, or negatively affect the relationship once it's revealed... or discovered. 

And with all of that comes the hard part, because it's next to impossible to have complete faith in someone that you've never actually met and have no idea of hidden/ undisclosed factors. I can unfortunately attest to being completely snowed over many years ago by someone who conveniently chose to hide one teeny tiny detail and by the time that I found out about this issue, it was too late. Both she and I were already very emotionally attached, infatuated, or maybe even falling in love... but it made the emotional pain and resentment SO much worse than if she had simply been honest from the start. In retrospect I should have seen the red flags but sadly as I began to fall for her, my judgement naturally became pretty skewed. One last thing that I'd like to mention here is that many online relationships develop due to horrible past real-life relationships so it isn't necessarily a bad thing to keep in mind that the other person may indeed be carrying some pretty serious baggage in that regard.


----------



## Albake21

High Plains Drifter said:


> I've been on the good and bad side of the online/ long-distance thing. My wife and I met online almost 7 years ago and it's been one hell of a trip ever since. We met face to face after about a year and to this day she claims that she instantly knew that I was "the one". I always encouraged her to not rush things and consider other aspects of her life that might warrant her moving on but she fell hard and although quite cautiously at first... eventually I did too. We've experienced some truly difficult times throughout our relationship so far and I'm sure that there will be more to come but we are very passionate and devoted towards each other, very appreciative of each others good and bad qualities, and very much best friends when the world seems to be falling down around us. I consider us as proof that online relationships CAN indeed develop into much much more!
> 
> The one most important thing about an online relationship is obviously honesty ( assuming that intentions are that it go further). I realize that goes without saying and applies equally to face to face relationships. But it is without a doubt more important than anything else when corresponding from many miles apart. Minor compatibility issues, disagreements, mismatched schedules, physical/ mental imperfections, overall differences, etc shouldn't effect the relationship as long as both parties are sincere and respectful and in the same mindset of wanting to possibly try to eventually meet face to face. But both people must aspire to be as absolutely forthright with one another as possible... even about the "less than flattering" or "hard to confess" details. It's absolutely not fair to either party to conceal things that might significantly manipulate, hinder, or negatively affect the relationship once it's revealed... or discovered.
> 
> And with all of that comes the hard part, because it's next to impossible to have complete faith in someone that you've never actually met and have no idea of hidden/ undisclosed factors. I can unfortunately attest to being completely snowed over many years ago by someone who conveniently chose to hide one teeny tiny detail and by the time that I found out about this issue, it was too late. Both she and I were already very emotionally attached, infatuated, or maybe even falling in love... but it made the emotional pain and resentment SO much worse than if she had simply been honest from the start. In retrospect I should have seen the red flags but sadly as I began to fall for her, my judgement naturally became pretty skewed. One last thing that I'd like to mention here is that many online relationships develop due to horrible past real-life relationships so it isn't necessarily a bad thing to keep in mind that the other person may indeed be carrying some pretty serious baggage in that regard.


Wow... I actually didn't expect to get such a well written response. You definitely give me a lot of hope with your experience. Happy to hear you actually married someone you met online! I don't know if I'd have the patience to go a whole year before meeting a girl face to face. 

As for the honesty, we have been trying our absolute best to be open about everything, including the bad things and it just seems to make us even close. 

I really appreciate the response.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Albake21 said:


> Wow... I actually didn't expect to get such a well written response. You definitely give me a lot of hope with your experience. Happy to hear you actually married someone you met online! I don't know if I'd have the patience to go a whole year before meeting a girl face to face.
> 
> As for the honesty, we have been trying our absolute best to be open about everything, including the bad things and it just seems to make us even close.
> 
> I really appreciate the response.



I didn't want to write too much since I have a tendency to be long-winded at times lol. I could write SO much more on the whole online relationship topic as I've been thru my share! But your situation sounds very positive and at least from what you've shared... quite possibly worth pursuing. People can indeed become very close emotionally, mentally, and intimately no matter how far apart they are physically. I used to cringe when people would speak of someone that they'd developed a relationship with online... thinking that the concept was absurd. Then I invested some time and feelings into that type of correspondence and subsequently realized that truly compatible people DO exist in this setting... The one "glitch" is simply that they're separated by distance. There's nothing embarrassing nor unnatural about hitting it off with someone that lives miles and miles away and these days there are plenty of people that can attest to the success and even benefits as opposed to meeting someone in the more traditional way. I will just about guarantee that I'd still be alone to this day if my only dating prospects were confined to the town that I live in. Social interaction where I live is very limited unless you're wealthy, very good-looking, into the bar-scene, or have spent your entire life here and can meet up with that girl that you used to date in high-school. Without having some or all of that going for you... you're likely only going to meet your soulmate at Walmart or Taco Bell and imo, that's not starting off on very solid ground lol.

Ah... fwiw my wife wanted to meet long before a year had passed but I wanted to slow it down and speak to her family and friends and develop a rapport with them first. Plus she was in college and needed to finish that part of her life before transitioning from one state to another. 

Dude... I wish you the absolute best in your endeavor and I truly hope that this relationship will prove to be worth all that you invest in it. And yes... compatibility can be strengthened when we expose our vulnerabilities and bad experiences to someone who is receptive and empathetic. Take things one step at a time and I truly feel that it will work out if it's meant to.


----------



## Albake21

High Plains Drifter said:


> I didn't want to write too much since I have a tendency to be long-winded at times lol. I could write SO much more on the whole online relationship topic as I've been thru my share! But your situation sounds very positive and at least from what you've shared... quite possibly worth pursuing. People can indeed become very close emotionally, mentally, and intimately no matter how far apart they are physically. I used to cringe when people would speak of someone that they'd developed a relationship with online... thinking that the concept was absurd. Then I invested some time and feelings into that type of correspondence and subsequently realized that truly compatible people DO exist in this setting... The one "glitch" is simply that they're separated by distance. There's nothing embarrassing nor unnatural about hitting it off with someone that lives miles and miles away and these days there are plenty of people that can attest to the success and even benefits as opposed to meeting someone in the more traditional way. I will just about guarantee that I'd still be alone to this day if my only dating prospects were confined to the town that I live in. Social interaction where I live is very limited unless you're wealthy, very good-looking, into the bar-scene, or have spent your entire life here and can meet up with that girl that you used to date in high-school. Without having some or all of that going for you... you're likely only going to meet your soulmate at Walmart or Taco Bell and imo, that's not starting off on very solid ground lol.
> 
> Ah... fwiw my wife wanted to meet long before a year had passed but I wanted to slow it down and speak to her family and friends and develop a rapport with them first. Plus she was in college and needed to finish that part of her life before transitioning from one state to another.
> 
> Dude... I wish you the absolute best in your endeavor and I truly hope that this relationship will prove to be worth all that you invest in it. And yes... compatibility can be strengthened when we expose our vulnerabilities and bad experiences to someone who is receptive and empathetic. Take things one step at a time and I truly feel that it will work out if it's meant to.



If you have any more, by all means PM me. I'm open to hearing anything you got for me. You're definitely very experienced in this and surprisingly your experience seems very similar to mine. I absolutely love hearing stories and experiences like this. Just gives me even more hope for my future!

Thank you for your write up and the kind words. Things are actually going extremely well between me and this girl.


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## TedEH

I don't have a ton to add, since I've never been there, but I've seen the long-distance thing work out before. My guy reaction would be to think the key is that the gap has to be closed eventually though. If the relationship stays entirely online, via text, etc., then that wouldn't (to me) feel like a complete relationship. Seems like a huge challenge.


----------



## Albake21

TedEH said:


> I don't have a ton to add, since I've never been there, but I've seen the long-distance thing work out before. My guy reaction would be to think the key is that the gap has to be closed eventually though. If the relationship stays entirely online, via text, etc., then that wouldn't (to me) feel like a complete relationship. Seems like a huge challenge.


That's 100% the goal. She's moving here in the Spring but if things keeping going as well as they have been I'll plan a trip towards her before the end of the year.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Albake21 said:


> If you have any more, by all means PM me. I'm open to hearing anything you got for me. You're definitely very experienced in this and surprisingly your experience seems very similar to mine. I absolutely love hearing stories and experiences like this. Just gives me even more hope for my future!
> 
> Thank you for your write up and the kind words. Things are actually going extremely well between me and this girl.



No prob! Always happy to share my thoughts. And feel free to contact me anytime you want some feedback or correspondence. 

The word "relationship" is certainly subjective and can exist in a healthy way online as long as both parties are receptive to the physical exclusion. But with that carries the risk that one of the individuals may become disenchanted and detached at some point. Success just depends on each person's expectations, needs, etc. It's again, something that requires both people to be very open and honest about in order to preserve the integrity of the relationship. 

Regarding the challenge of long distance... It's easy to allow that circumstance to inhibit the enthusiasm but it should also be recognized that if the mutual wish to meet in person becomes a very real desire, that the logistics of such a venture be genuinely considered. It's not difficult to feel overwhelmed by the potential burden and expense of planning a face to face rendezvous but I'd also ponder that the flip side of this is that IF two people are indeed compatible in the life-long sense, then isn't it worth it to see about taking it to that next level? I personally know quite a few people that are in relationships and marriages and they're miserable or at the very least, not content. The way in which they met might've been convenient but at what point do you sacrifice a potential once in a lifetime relationship for the ease of meeting down at Chili's with a late showing at AMC? I guess that I just feel as if even though no relationship is perfect, a one in a million shot at true love may indeed be worth some extra effort. 

Last thing I'll mention here is that since you're only a month or so into this, don't get too carried away just yet. IMO it's way too early in the relationship to be looking too far ahead. For now, I would simply advise that you both continue to have fun, get to know one another better, and continue to communicate openly. Listen and take interest in her stories, concerns, ambitions, etc... and above all else, remain respectful despite any bumps in the road.


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## will_shred

Well I had an interesting evening. I went on a date with someone I used to have a huge thing for, only to find that I don't find her nearly as attractive as I used to. It went well, I mean we still had a great time and good conversation, but I didn't feel the way I felt before. I think its just because I'm much more confident and comfortable with myself now than I was then. Shes a great musician and total theory nerd/audio nerd, we have a ton in common, but it felt more platonic than anything else.


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## Opion

will_shred said:


> Well I had an interesting evening. I went on a date with someone I used to have a huge thing for, only to find that I don't find her nearly as attractive as I used to. It went well, I mean we still had a great time and good conversation, but I didn't feel the way I felt before. I think its just because I'm much more confident and comfortable with myself now than I was then. Shes a great musician and total theory nerd/audio nerd, we have a ton in common, but it felt more platonic than anything else.



Have you thought about trying to go out with her more to see how it goes? I just found myself in the first "real" relationship in 10 years with someone I never thought I'd be dating. Initially I thought the same as you did with this girl, and the more I've gotten to know her, the more she's started to open up and reveal herself to be more than she let on at first, when all my past flings have all felt like I was insanely attracted to them off the bat. And like you, I'm much more confident now than when I was shy and feebly hooked on other people only to find out when the dust settles that they weren't the right person for me. Maybe try giving her and yourself some time to develop, you may surprise yourself. Good luck!


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## will_shred

Opion said:


> Have you thought about trying to go out with her more to see how it goes? I just found myself in the first "real" relationship in 10 years with someone I never thought I'd be dating. Initially I thought the same as you did with this girl, and the more I've gotten to know her, the more she's started to open up and reveal herself to be more than she let on at first, when all my past flings have all felt like I was insanely attracted to them off the bat. And like you, I'm much more confident now than when I was shy and feebly hooked on other people only to find out when the dust settles that they weren't the right person for me. Maybe try giving her and yourself some time to develop, you may surprise yourself. Good luck!



we talk all the time and have plans to keep hanging out! She's gonna tutor me in music theory


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## will_shred

Butttt I try not to get my hopes up anymore


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## Ordacleaphobia

Albake21 said:


> That's 100% the goal. She's moving here in the Spring but if things keeping going as well as they have been I'll plan a trip towards her before the end of the year.



If that's really looking solid, then that's your biggest hurdle overcome right off of the gate.
The trick with those situations is always the fact that 1 person has to move; somebody has to uproot their life and go all-in. 

I was in a LDR for about 6 years and was convinced that I was going to marry this girl. We had been friends through mutual friends for a few years prior, and the whole thing just fit and felt right. Visited her about 6 months into our relationship, then again about a year and a half later, but getting her to come here was always a touchy subject. She agreed that it made more sense for her to come to me; I had my life together, was financially stable with a dependable job, healthy family and social life, etc; while her situation where she lived was nothing of the sort. Finishing school, unemployed, living with her abusive mother. But when push came to shove and we got to the point where something needed to happen, she couldn't commit to that level of change and I was already too entrenched where I was (and admittedly a bit hesitant, because we had some [justified] trust issues) to move to her, so we just kind of...fell apart. Shame. When we were together things were perfect and I still 100% believe that if she did move I'd be engaged by now. 

So- with that obstacle out of the way, your big test is going to be seeing if you guys are compatible. That's it. A year is nothing- that time will fly by. If you guys wind up serious about each other then a year is definitely not a large enough stretch of time to be taxing, especially if you guys play games or something that you can do together.


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## TedEH

So far the advice I've gotten in this thread has been helping, so I have a strange request that goes along with my previous posts, if anyone has any ideas... it would take a bit long to explain why, but I'm trying to come up with something that is analogous to fireworks, but is not itself fireworks. Sparklers are off the list, and decorating food to look like fireworks is also off the list, but I'm trying to think of something that sort of follows those same lines. Any thoughts?
Basically, imagine you jokingly said "I will bring fireworks", but literally bringing fireworks is impossible - so what could you do instead that sort of counts?


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## MFB

Arson?


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## TedEH

Perfect! I'll put that on the list. I also put out there that more than one idea is needed.


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## Ordacleaphobia

TedEH said:


> Basically, imagine you jokingly said "I will bring fireworks", but literally bringing fireworks is impossible - so what could you do instead that sort of counts?



Pop Rocks. 
Bring soda too, depending on what you're trying to accomplish.


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## TedEH

Ooh, actually, I like that one.

The short version is that back before I asked this lady out, we were out walking around in the middle of the night, and I saw some lights in the distance - joked that I thought I saw fireworks. On the way back, we ran across some kids setting off fireworks in a parking lot, to which I said something like "see, I promised fireworks". 

Then we coincidentally kept going to things where there just happened to be fireworks, so the bit became that I was delivering on these fireworks weekly. Once it became impossible to promise actual fireworks every week, I came up with alternatives. There was conveniently a fireworks competition going on right at this time, but she couldn't attend, so she scheduled her break to be at the right time, I got as close to the launch as I could, and video-called it to her. The week later there were no actual fireworks happening, so I brought sparklers over. The next week was her birthday so I made cupcakes - and the decorations were fireworks made from coloured icing (I'm actually pretty proud of that one).

The idea is to continue to deliver fireworks for as long as I can keep the bit going. Is it cheesy as f*ck? Yes. Is that part of why I'm leaning into the bit? Also yes.

I guess that wasn't that long of an explanation.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

More ideal if this takes place outdoors... 

* You're sitting wherever/ doing whatever ( lots of flexibility there)
* You stand up ( or maybe y'all are walking along)
* And randomly... you take a water bottle and squeeze it hard... shooting water into the air ( maybe even onto her or both of you depending on circumstances)
* She obviously is like "Wtf?" and asks you what you did that for
* And you calmly/ suavely deliver the punch... "Well I wouldn't ever want you to think that I'm a one-trick pony so I decided to bring the WATERWORKS this time" ( or something along those lines)

As long as this is all delivered impulsively and naturally... it could make a [briefly] lasting impression. I feel that you need to change-up the fireworks thing so that you're not on the verge of beating a potentially dead horse. Stagnating jokes bring the eye-rolls at some point and imo this joke needs to evolve if you're going to get any more mileage out of it. People that don't want you to feel bad are going to generally act as if they're amused even when they're really not.


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## TedEH

You're not wrong.  The joke is going to have to die eventually, but I'm not worried about it getting old quiiiiiite yet. I suppose an end goal might be to reach a point where I can get away with some cheesy line about how spending time in the first place "is the fireworks". Realistically, I know that only one or two more of these is probably going to be the limit.


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## Albake21

Ordacleaphobia said:


> If that's really looking solid, then that's your biggest hurdle overcome right off of the gate.
> The trick with those situations is always the fact that 1 person has to move; somebody has to uproot their life and go all-in.
> 
> I was in a LDR for about 6 years and was convinced that I was going to marry this girl. We had been friends through mutual friends for a few years prior, and the whole thing just fit and felt right. Visited her about 6 months into our relationship, then again about a year and a half later, but getting her to come here was always a touchy subject. She agreed that it made more sense for her to come to me; I had my life together, was financially stable with a dependable job, healthy family and social life, etc; while her situation where she lived was nothing of the sort. Finishing school, unemployed, living with her abusive mother. But when push came to shove and we got to the point where something needed to happen, she couldn't commit to that level of change and I was already too entrenched where I was (and admittedly a bit hesitant, because we had some [justified] trust issues) to move to her, so we just kind of...fell apart. Shame. When we were together things were perfect and I still 100% believe that if she did move I'd be engaged by now.
> 
> So- with that obstacle out of the way, your big test is going to be seeing if you guys are compatible. That's it. A year is nothing- that time will fly by. If you guys wind up serious about each other then a year is definitely not a large enough stretch of time to be taxing, especially if you guys play games or something that you can do together.



Thank you for your story and advice! One thing I should have been clear on, she's moving to my area no matter if we are dating or not. She's moving here because her friends are here and she was moving here before she even met me. That's the only reason why I'm attempting this LDR because it's very unlike me to try one. As for an update on my end, she's actually planning a visit in a month.... so fingers crossed!


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

So I know this dude who's a depressive, alcoholic trainwreck..but still he's a cool guy, just not the best at dealing with his sadness.

This motherfucker got too drunk to go home...at work...and stayed the night last night at his job so he'd be there for the next day.

I went to keep him company since he was alone, sex happened, and it seems more than likely that it's going to repeat.


Why the hell can't I leave hot messes alone? I know better but goddamn it I can't avoid getting attached to dumpster fires.


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## Albake21

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> So I know this dude who's a depressive, alcoholic trainwreck..but still he's a cool guy, just not the best at dealing with his sadness.
> 
> This motherfucker got too drunk to go home...at work...and stayed the night last night at his job so he'd be there for the next day.
> 
> I went to keep him company since he was alone, sex happened, and it seems more than likely that it's going to repeat.
> 
> 
> Why the hell can't I leave hot messes alone? I know better but goddamn it I can't avoid getting attached to dumpster fires.


Maybe you enjoy the process of helping others? Sex probably wasn't the greatest choice, but I actually understand the attachment to "dumpster fires".


----------



## broj15

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> So I know this dude who's a depressive, alcoholic trainwreck..but still he's a cool guy, just not the best at dealing with his sadness.
> 
> This motherfucker got too drunk to go home...at work...and stayed the night last night at his job so he'd be there for the next day.
> 
> I went to keep him company since he was alone, sex happened, and it seems more than likely that it's going to repeat.
> 
> 
> Why the hell can't I leave hot messes alone? I know better but goddamn it I can't avoid getting attached to dumpster fires.


As someone who habitually has a thing for ppl that they have no business getting involved with I can relate. I find it difficult to have sex with someone without inevitably getting caught up in my feelings, so I've chose to be celibate for the past year despite having opportunities to do the opposite with numerous people because I know that it won't lead to the kind of relationship I'm after: genuine, organic connection. Sounds to me like this person isn't the best long term option for you (forgive me for assuming). That being said, there's nothing wrong with getting your rocks off with someone as long as it's known by both parties that a relationship isn't really an option unless someone (in this case them) makes a change. But also remember, it's totally NOT your responsibility to help this person change/get better. I know from first hand experience.



Also, unrelated to my previous statement, but after just 2 shifts I think I've developed a "small" crush on the new girl at work. I've always avoided dating in the workplace cuz things can get messy, but damn, they're hella cute, and sweet, and we have some mutual interests which is nice. Obviously a collective 12 hours of time spent together isn't much, but I'm thinking of letting things simmer (aka covertly find out if they already have a partner) and then maybe ask them if they wanna chill sometime after work and see how they respond. I guess we'll see. It's been almost a year now since my last relationship ended and they're the first person I've met that's piqued my interest enough to want to pursue something more than friendship.


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## DrakkarTyrannis

Albake21 said:


> Maybe you enjoy the process of helping others? Sex probably wasn't the greatest choice, but I actually understand the attachment to "dumpster fires".



There's that. I'm a fixer. I see people too damn silly to save themselves so I figure I'll do it. Obviously that doesn't work but it's a dumb trait I'm working on getting rid of. He's just so adorably hopeless....ugh


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## MFB

MFB said:


> Since this is bumped I might as well air my own current hiccup, that I'll probably end up doing nothing about, but here we go.
> 
> If "how do I tell my friend I want to be more than friends" is the first oldest question in the big book of relationships, then I think "would it be rude to ask a person out while at their job" would be a close second, and it's where I find myself. There's a place I have regular appointments at every 6-8 weeks, and the girl who the manager/admin of that location is cute, probably mid-20's so a little younger than me, and we get along for the brief periods that we get to chat, but ultimately it's pretty minimal given the nature of her job (appts/check-in/out, etc); but at the same time, I'm smart enough to know that part of her job being the first/last person you see when you walk in is _to be nice_, it could just be my brains crossing wires, not to mention it feels like an abuse of the employee/client relationship, but in no way would it affect my standing with them as a business.
> 
> The music they play is all stuff I recognize and have come up on my indie/alternative stations, so depending on how bold I'm feeling next time I'm in there, I do have the opportunity to invite her to a show the following week, but the waters of the whole thing seems muddy enough that I don't know. There's a cases to be made for both sides, so I'm pretty sure in the end it'll just be me having to decide which side I want to end on.



Circling back to this since I had my session on Saturday, didn't get a chance to ask her while I was there because her boss and the next client were also right there as we were setting up my next appointment and I felt that would've been an inappropriate/awkward situation to put her in; but I did send her a text afterwards inviting her to the show as we were talking about the band before, and she's busy that weekend. 

If something is going on during the next time, which is supposed to be my last session, I might try again, or just let it go and have her be the nice girl who worked at a place I needed to go for a bit.


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## broj15

Welp, just an update but the girl from work asked me out for drinks a couple weeks ago and it was quickly established that we both have a big crush on each other. Been hanging out quite a bit the past couple weeks and it seems to be going pretty well. 

On the down side one of my other good "friends" who is also a coworker has apparently had feelings for me (though I've previously told them I'm only interested in being friends and they were recently seeing other people) and they're not taking it well at all. This has manifested in them being a huge bitch to me, and even more so towards the person I'm currently seeing. For example, I recently received a long winded text about how I'm a coward, selfish, bad friend among other things, all because they saw me picking up this girl from work the other night. We had made plans to hang out at her place when she got off so what am I supposed to say? "Ok, have fun walking home in the cold/dark. I guess I'll meet you at your house".

It sucks because I feel like this part of a relationship is supposed to be all about having fun and getting to know another person, but we're both being inundated by someone outside of the relationship (who I have absolutely no history with) who can't seem to handle thier emotions in a professional way. Frustrating.


----------



## c7spheres

MFB said:


> Circling back to this since I had my session on Saturday, didn't get a chance to ask her while I was there because her boss and the next client were also right there as we were setting up my next appointment and I felt that would've been an inappropriate/awkward situation to put her in; but I did send her a text afterwards inviting her to the show as we were talking about the band before, and she's busy that weekend.
> 
> If something is going on during the next time, which is supposed to be my last session, I might try again, or just let it go and have her be the nice girl who worked at a place I needed to go for a bit.


 Don't let it go man. You will always be wondering what could have been. You never know, these things somtimes can last a lifetime. I'd just tell her how you feel and let her know you wanted to keep things professional, but now that you may not be comeing back again soon that you'd like to see her again and maybe go out sometime. Slip her your number and ask for her's and be on your way.


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## c7spheres

broj15 said:


> Welp, just an update but the girl from work asked me out for drinks a couple weeks ago and it was quickly established that we both have a big crush on each other. Been hanging out quite a bit the past couple weeks and it seems to be going pretty well.
> 
> On the down side one of my other good "friends" who is also a coworker has apparently had feelings for me (though I've previously told them I'm only interested in being friends and they were recently seeing other people) and they're not taking it well at all. This has manifested in them being a huge bitch to me, and even more so towards the person I'm currently seeing. For example, I recently received a long winded text about how I'm a coward, selfish, bad friend among other things, all because they saw me picking up this girl from work the other night. We had made plans to hang out at her place when she got off so what am I supposed to say? "Ok, have fun walking home in the cold/dark. I guess I'll meet you at your house".
> 
> It sucks because I feel like this part of a relationship is supposed to be all about having fun and getting to know another person, but we're both being inundated by someone outside of the relationship (who I have absolutely no history with) who can't seem to handle thier emotions in a professional way. Frustrating.


 You gotta put her in her place. Draw a line and tell her not to cross it. You gotta do this to people that endanger your relationship with another person, which sound like wxactly what she's trying to do. If keeps it up this girl you're hitting it off with may decide it's more effort than it's worth or come to doubt you are sincere when you say you're not interested in her. I'd be best to put other bitchy girl in her palce in front of you're new girl too to drive it home. It's really imature and unacceptable. That's crazy ex wife material there, but you weren't even in a relationship even.


----------



## MFB

c7spheres said:


> Don't let it go man. You will always be wondering what could have been. You never know, these things somtimes can last a lifetime. I'd just tell her how you feel and let her know you wanted to keep things professional, but now that you may not be comeing back again soon that you'd like to see her again and maybe go out sometime. Slip her your number and ask for her's and be on your way.



If it feels as natural as it did when I was there Saturday, maybe, but at the same time, historically speaking theres always been nerves when doing that and this time there was nothing; which leads me to wonder if its because either I was past that sort of point and it was a "this will either happen or it won't" mindset, or I was asking because its what we think we should do when we meet someone like this, but the feelings aren't 100% in it. 

Shes cute speaking subjectively, and we get along while there, which she's great at flipping my questions and making me talk about myself - but that's currently all I have to go on besides letting my mind run wild creating scenarios of what she might be like (which is something I'm actively trying to do because I dont want to fall for the idea of someone vs the actual them)

Boy, I'm a blast when talking about dating


----------



## c7spheres

MFB said:


> If it feels as natural as it did when I was there Saturday, maybe, but at the same time, historically speaking theres always been nerves when doing that and this time there was nothing; which leads me to wonder if its because either I was past that sort of point and it was a "this will either happen or it won't" mindset, or I was asking because its what we think we should do when we meet someone like this, but the feelings aren't 100% in it.
> 
> Shes cute speaking subjectively, and we get along while there, which she's great at flipping my questions and making me talk about myself - but that's currently all I have to go on besides letting my mind run wild creating scenarios of what she might be like (which is something I'm actively trying to do because I dont want to fall for the idea of someone vs the actual them)
> 
> Boy, I'm a blast when talking about dating


 I find people (girls) are often more interested than they may appear. I guess I'm old now being in my 40's but nerves hardly factor in at all. I'd get past the nerves and just throw it out there casually. Just say "Hey, I was thinkin' we should go out some time, whata ya say?" Not, "I was maybe thinking that maybe sometime like maybe I was thinking maybe we could go out sometime or something.", though there are girls where that would work better, she's not one of them since she's talking and flipping the converstions to being about you, which is a huge neon sign she's at least a little interested and has some confidence too. If you just say it with some solid confidence and pinch her nipple when you do it then she should come round : ) Ok, don't pinch her nipple, just kidding, but If you're interested I'd say you gotta do it for your own peace of mind. Even if she rejects you there is value in that. The fact she isn't just acting like a professional robot and making small talk for the sake of it or when required does indicated she's at least a little into you, imo. Come up with something to do in case she says yes too. Something where you can still talk to each other more and have something to do too. Movies, and concerts and loud bars are bad for this sort of thing, imo. Cheesy things like miniature golf are great because you can be in public (a safety factor for her), basically alone at the same time to talk while busy doing something fun (and less formal than face to face direct interview questionaire type formal dinner because eating is not always a good thing if she is self consious about it and things can get awkward really fast), not spend a fortune, not be around a bunch of loud drunks etc. These type things are good fun, safe and neutral. Both people usually move on to they're freak side around the 3rd-5th date ime.


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## Spaced Out Ace

Yeah, if you seem too unsure of it, she'll likely blow you off.



c7spheres said:


> Come up with something to do in case she says yes too. Something where you can still talk to each other more and have something to do too. Movies, and concerts and loud bars are bad for this sort of thing, imo. Cheesy things like miniature golf are great because you can be in public (a safety factor for her), basically alone at the same time to talk while busy doing something fun (and less formal than face to face direct interview questionaire type formal dinner because eating is not always a good thing if she is self consious about it and things can get awkward really fast), not spend a fortune, not be around a bunch of loud drunks etc. These type things are good fun, safe and neutral. Both people usually move on to they're freak side around the 3rd-5th date ime.


Also, this. Don't go to a concert, bar, or movie for the first date because you can't get to know each other at all.


----------



## BrailleDecibel

Not quite "love" or a "relationship" yet, but this is the appropriate thread for this kind of thing, so here goes...back when I was playing in my second band, there was a girl who came to our practices sometimes that I developed a thing for, but didn't say anything to her about it at the time due to shyness and fear of rejection and all that fun stuff. Fast-forward 11 years, and I wake up to a message from her a few days ago saying that she had a thing for me way back then too, and still does. I've been talking to her every night since then, and I have no idea where this is going, but even if it all goes pear-shaped, I am just happy that any of this happened at all, definitely a huge shot to the 'ol self-esteem.


----------



## TedEH

I've been really frustrated lately and don't have much of an appropriate place to vent so.... I suppose this is as good a place as any:
I think I've past the sort of novelty phase of a new relationship and I'm starting to see red flags for what they are. Two issues in particular came up, I saw that they were going to be problematic so I brought them up. We talked about them. We agreed that I was right to be concerned about those things. Life went on, but nothing changed. My concerns went unaddressed, and so I brought them up again and suggested ways we could work through them. Some of those things were tried, some were flat out rejected with "you just need to deal with it".

One of the big issues has been how I haven't been able to spend much time at home. Over the last few weeks I've lost that sense of being myself, being "at home" in both a figurative and literal sense, of being in control of my days. I've been feeling like an accessory to someone elses life, and I want things to be able to work both ways- I want us to also be able to continue _my_ life. I made of point of mentioning this and saying that I wanted to spend more time at my place (which I understand is difficult to do because she has a dog). I put plans in motion to allow us to stay at my place for a while (aka I invited the dog too) - but things kept coming up that prevented us from staying there for any length of time - and they weren't even reasonable things. Most of them amounted to running errands for her roommate. The only full day available to be at home was interrupted because the roommate ran out of weed and I was the only one with a car who could deliver him some. I lost my day at home to deliver some fucking weed to someone.

Then to make matters worse - on the way there, I just short of broke down in the car on the way there. I explained what I was feeling and requested that we just do what we needed to do quickly - that way we could run back home and have the rest of the evening as planned, and everything would be fine. 10 minutes later, she's smoking a bowl with her roommate and watching a nature documentary while I wait for them on the couch (because I don't smoke). It took a good 30 minutes to get back on track. By the time we made it back home there was about an hour left of the night before I had to reasonably go to bed to make it to work the next morning, so I now had to pick between a short evening or a painful morning from no sleep.

And I don't think she understands. Last night I finally got to have my night at home - we left work, went strait home, and nothing was going to interrupt that night. But she suggested we leave early and go back to her place. I convinced her otherwise, said I didn't want to leave home before 10pm just on principal, but I don't think she understood at all. I legitimately think that after all of this she's somehow still just oblivious to how frustrated I am and why. And it baffles me. It's approaching dealbreaker levels of frustration and that really sucks because a lot of other things about this really work well. But I can't be frustrated like this all the time, and I refuse to just give up my home and my lifestyle and my sense of comfort.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah this sucks.


----------



## Albake21

TedEH said:


> I've been really frustrated lately and don't have much of an appropriate place to vent so.... I suppose this is as good a place as any:
> I think I've past the sort of novelty phase of a new relationship and I'm starting to see red flags for what they are. Two issues in particular came up, I saw that they were going to be problematic so I brought them up. We talked about them. We agreed that I was right to be concerned about those things. Life went on, but nothing changed. My concerns went unaddressed, and so I brought them up again and suggested ways we could work through them. Some of those things were tried, some were flat out rejected with "you just need to deal with it".
> 
> One of the big issues has been how I haven't been able to spend much time at home. Over the last few weeks I've lost that sense of being myself, being "at home" in both a figurative and literal sense, of being in control of my days. I've been feeling like an accessory to someone elses life, and I want things to be able to work both ways- I want us to also be able to continue _my_ life. I made of point of mentioning this and saying that I wanted to spend more time at my place (which I understand is difficult to do because she has a dog). I put plans in motion to allow us to stay at my place for a while (aka I invited the dog too) - but things kept coming up that prevented us from staying there for any length of time - and they weren't even reasonable things. Most of them amounted to running errands for her roommate. The only full day available to be at home was interrupted because the roommate ran out of weed and I was the only one with a car who could deliver him some. I lost my day at home to deliver some fucking weed to someone.
> 
> Then to make matters worse - on the way there, I just short of broke down in the car on the way there. I explained what I was feeling and requested that we just do what we needed to do quickly - that way we could run back home and have the rest of the evening as planned, and everything would be fine. 10 minutes later, she's smoking a bowl with her roommate and watching a nature documentary while I wait for them on the couch (because I don't smoke). It took a good 30 minutes to get back on track. By the time we made it back home there was about an hour left of the night before I had to reasonably go to bed to make it to work the next morning, so I now had to pick between a short evening or a painful morning from no sleep.
> 
> And I don't think she understands. Last night I finally got to have my night at home - we left work, went strait home, and nothing was going to interrupt that night. But she suggested we leave early and go back to her place. I convinced her otherwise, said I didn't want to leave home before 10pm just on principal, but I don't think she understood at all. I legitimately think that after all of this she's somehow still just oblivious to how frustrated I am and why. And it baffles me. It's approaching dealbreaker levels of frustration and that really sucks because a lot of other things about this really work well. But I can't be frustrated like this all the time, and I refuse to just give up my home and my lifestyle and my sense of comfort.
> 
> Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah this sucks.


Relationships need to be 50/50 between partners. Period. The amount of relationships I've seen that create this weird 75/25 life style just looks super unhealthy and exhausting. I'm not sure how long you guys have been dating for, but it certainly doesn't sound too fulfilling of a relationship. At the end of the day, it comes down to this - is she worth giving up your life style for? Me personally, I couldn't do it no matter the girl. I enjoy my life style too much to give that up. A healthy relationship to me is being able to share each other's life styles. If that can't work out, then I've always felt that the relationship wasn't worth it to me. Most of us here are passionate musicians, a passion that's hard to give up, no matter the circumstance. I think you might know what to do here in the situation, but only you can choose what to do here as it's personal preference of what's worth it. I wish you the best of luck!


----------



## TedEH

Thanks for the thoughts on it. I asked bluntly if she understood why I had asked to stay home until at least 10, and she says no - she doesn't understand. It's going to be a rough conversation at some point, I think.


----------



## TedEH

When I think about it, I suppose the bit that gets me is that things really are 50/50 on most things. We're both pretty invested in eachother at this point. The 75/25 thing is strictly on the lifestyle stuff, where we spend most of our time, what we spend time doing, etc. And it's not like there aren't reasons for it - the dog does need the attention, and the roommate.... well, that's another story altogether.

I just want to be met half way when I reach the point of frustration on something. Nobody is perfect. Life isn't all about me. I get it. I can even concede to spending more time away than at home, I realistically don't hate it being that way, but I want to be taken seriously when I voice a concern. The token "ok, I understand" doesn't mean anything if it's not acted on.


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## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> I've been really frustrated lately and don't have much of an appropriate place to vent so.... I suppose this is as good a place as any:
> I think I've past the sort of novelty phase of a new relationship and I'm starting to see red flags for what they are. Two issues in particular came up, I saw that they were going to be problematic so I brought them up. We talked about them. We agreed that I was right to be concerned about those things. Life went on, but nothing changed. My concerns went unaddressed, and so I brought them up again and suggested ways we could work through them. Some of those things were tried, some were flat out rejected with "you just need to deal with it".
> 
> One of the big issues has been how I haven't been able to spend much time at home. Over the last few weeks I've lost that sense of being myself, being "at home" in both a figurative and literal sense, of being in control of my days. I've been feeling like an accessory to someone elses life, and I want things to be able to work both ways- I want us to also be able to continue _my_ life. I made of point of mentioning this and saying that I wanted to spend more time at my place (which I understand is difficult to do because she has a dog). I put plans in motion to allow us to stay at my place for a while (aka I invited the dog too) - but things kept coming up that prevented us from staying there for any length of time - and they weren't even reasonable things. Most of them amounted to running errands for her roommate. The only full day available to be at home was interrupted because the roommate ran out of weed and I was the only one with a car who could deliver him some. I lost my day at home to deliver some fucking weed to someone.
> 
> Then to make matters worse - on the way there, I just short of broke down in the car on the way there. I explained what I was feeling and requested that we just do what we needed to do quickly - that way we could run back home and have the rest of the evening as planned, and everything would be fine. 10 minutes later, she's smoking a bowl with her roommate and watching a nature documentary while I wait for them on the couch (because I don't smoke). It took a good 30 minutes to get back on track. By the time we made it back home there was about an hour left of the night before I had to reasonably go to bed to make it to work the next morning, so I now had to pick between a short evening or a painful morning from no sleep.
> 
> And I don't think she understands. Last night I finally got to have my night at home - we left work, went strait home, and nothing was going to interrupt that night. But she suggested we leave early and go back to her place. I convinced her otherwise, said I didn't want to leave home before 10pm just on principal, but I don't think she understood at all. I legitimately think that after all of this she's somehow still just oblivious to how frustrated I am and why. And it baffles me. It's approaching dealbreaker levels of frustration and that really sucks because a lot of other things about this really work well. But I can't be frustrated like this all the time, and I refuse to just give up my home and my lifestyle and my sense of comfort.
> 
> Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah this sucks.



Sounds like she is a lot more layed back and less tight on the scheduling than you're use to. Kind of a go with the flow type person. What can be hard is for her to realize and adjust to, or for you to adjust to, is that you're less of a lolllygagger than her. This is one of your differences and both of you should bend a bit and meet eachother half way. The difficult part can be actually bending and implementing it. Each person is going to have their own level of adjustment for any change and at a different pace. It's easiest to bend like you did a little the other day, but then draw a line when you absolutely can not bend and make sure she is aware, multiple times before meeting up, the time you're going home, nonchalantly. At that point if it's time to go and she isn't ready to go or just keeps saying one minute, one minute, just say something to the effect of "come on, I gotta go" in a soft deflated voice with a little disappointment in it. She wlil probably take you a lot more serious than if she thinks your mad or sees agitation. Another thing is to start preparing her to leave an hour or half hour in advance. By the time she gets around to it it will be around the time you wanted to leave, hopefully. I've met a lot of these people and there is no changing them for the most part. Eventually you may have to just ditch her and go home when you want if she isn't coming around. It's the quirks that people have to accept in people sometimes.


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## TedEH

c7spheres said:


> It's the quirks that people have to accept in people sometimes.


I agree, and I appreciate the comment but....



c7spheres said:


> Sounds like she is a lot more layed back and less tight on the scheduling than you're use to.


Turning an important night at home to ourselves into her roommates drug run is not just a matter of "more layed back" - that felt like a slap to the face.

I've been thinking a lot about this, and there's some layers to it that I've not shared. There are conversations that need to be had, and they aren't going to be fun to have. Hopefully, it means coming out the other side ready to move on, but some of these red flags are getting awfully close to dealbreaker territory if they aren't addressed. And addressed doesn't mean "something has to change" but they need to be at least investigated.


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## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> I agree, and I appreciate the comment but....
> 
> 
> Turning an important night at home to ourselves into her roommates drug run is not just a matter of "more layed back" - that felt like a slap to the face.
> 
> I've been thinking a lot about this, and there's some layers to it that I've not shared. There are conversations that need to be had, and they aren't going to be fun to have. Hopefully, it means coming out the other side ready to move on, but some of these red flags are getting awfully close to dealbreaker territory if they aren't addressed. And addressed doesn't mean "something has to change" but they need to be at least investigated.


 I hear you. Maybe I'm the more layed back one. Can't her freind just go buy weed up there if she wants? I thought it was legal there nowadays. I guess I'm just saying it can take time to work on things and and get on the same page. It takes work on both peoples parts obviously. I'd just be easy going and ask yourself if this (or even a few instances) are really worth offsetting all the other stuff and possibly ending things over it. Take the entire picture into account and ask yourself if she seems really sincerely into it and ask her ow serious she is. Maybe she just wants some good times, maybe she wants a longer commitment, but honesty is key. Honesty without hostility or anger. In a few weeks, months, years etc. you'll look back on this as no big deal. People go thorough way more stuff for each other when they're serious. If either or both of you aren;t ready then it's just a fling. Make the best of it is what I'd say. Good luck with all this.


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## TedEH

c7spheres said:


> Can't her freind just go buy weed up there if she wants?


I'd like to say it's as simple as that but... this roommate is agoraphobic. He doesn't go out most of the time. Also means he doesn't drive. It shouldn't be on me to get his weed either way though. He's an adult. He should be able to either deal without it for a day, or if it's that big a habit, be prepared to find it on his own. But that's beside the point.

Otherwise, yeah. You can just walk into a store and buy the stuff. I still find it weird to be honest.


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## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> I'd like to say it's as simple as that but... this roommate is agoraphobic. He doesn't go out most of the time. Also means he doesn't drive. It shouldn't be on me to get his weed either way though. He's an adult. He should be able to either deal without it for a day, or if it's that big a habit, be prepared to find it on his own. But that's beside the point.
> 
> Otherwise, yeah. You can just walk into a store and buy the stuff. I still find it weird to be honest.


 That sucks. I had a freind who's girlfriend was agoraphbic. It took awhile for me to actually believe I wasn't being bullshitted about it, but basically meant that everyone's life revolved around her. I wouldn't do that and I lost a freind and bass player because there was always a reason to not show up, go do something etc. I think you're right, you got some difficult conversation ahead of you. Tread lightly with it, but yeah, the roomates an adult and needs to learn to be self sufficient. It sounds like your girlfriend has been sucked into enabling him to a certain extent. Maybe you guys can all work together to all have results you want. Again, good lick with all this and make the best of it.


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## TedEH

Thanks.
I think this conversation is going to happen this weekend. Maybe today. Maybe very soon. She's coming by in maybe an hour or so (she was supposed to be here an hour ago but..... whatever, another long story). I had some tickets for a show, and I don't want to ruin that show, so I think I'm going to hold off until after that.


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## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> I've been really frustrated lately and don't have much of an appropriate place to vent so.... I suppose this is as good a place as any:
> I think I've past the sort of novelty phase of a new relationship and I'm starting to see red flags for what they are. Two issues in particular came up, I saw that they were going to be problematic so I brought them up. We talked about them. We agreed that I was right to be concerned about those things. Life went on, but nothing changed. My concerns went unaddressed, and so I brought them up again and suggested ways we could work through them. Some of those things were tried, some were flat out rejected with "you just need to deal with it".
> 
> One of the big issues has been how I haven't been able to spend much time at home. Over the last few weeks I've lost that sense of being myself, being "at home" in both a figurative and literal sense, of being in control of my days. I've been feeling like an accessory to someone elses life, and I want things to be able to work both ways- I want us to also be able to continue _my_ life. I made of point of mentioning this and saying that I wanted to spend more time at my place (which I understand is difficult to do because she has a dog). I put plans in motion to allow us to stay at my place for a while (aka I invited the dog too) - but things kept coming up that prevented us from staying there for any length of time - and they weren't even reasonable things. Most of them amounted to running errands for her roommate. The only full day available to be at home was interrupted because the roommate ran out of weed and I was the only one with a car who could deliver him some. I lost my day at home to deliver some fucking weed to someone.
> 
> Then to make matters worse - on the way there, I just short of broke down in the car on the way there. I explained what I was feeling and requested that we just do what we needed to do quickly - that way we could run back home and have the rest of the evening as planned, and everything would be fine. 10 minutes later, she's smoking a bowl with her roommate and watching a nature documentary while I wait for them on the couch (because I don't smoke). It took a good 30 minutes to get back on track. By the time we made it back home there was about an hour left of the night before I had to reasonably go to bed to make it to work the next morning, so I now had to pick between a short evening or a painful morning from no sleep.
> 
> And I don't think she understands. Last night I finally got to have my night at home - we left work, went strait home, and nothing was going to interrupt that night. But she suggested we leave early and go back to her place. I convinced her otherwise, said I didn't want to leave home before 10pm just on principal, but I don't think she understood at all. I legitimately think that after all of this she's somehow still just oblivious to how frustrated I am and why. And it baffles me. It's approaching dealbreaker levels of frustration and that really sucks because a lot of other things about this really work well. But I can't be frustrated like this all the time, and I refuse to just give up my home and my lifestyle and my sense of comfort.
> 
> Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah this sucks.


Uh. Are you sure you aren't being played and aren't the best friend while the roommate is the boyfriend? I would've flat out denied any notion of me delivering someone else weed. They can take a fucking city bus for all I care; I am NOT running drugs -- legal or otherwise -- for someone else. I'd seriously hate to see you find out you weren't the only one in this person's life in an intimate way if that is the way the relationship was meant to be.

If it were me, I would've left her there and started to prioritize her less until she either started making changes to make the relationship work, or showed her true colors. I would not be running errands for someone's "roommate," especially a guy, whom for all anyone knows, might be more than that. I guess I'm a bit of a cautious and paranoid creature, but I have had bullshit relationships in the past and my intuition (saying that brought this gem to mind) has usually been right -- at least in my relationships, anyways. I'd start telling her no to running errands for her male roommate, and see how she reacts. If she ignores your concerns (ie, like spending 30 minutes smoking weed with her roommate after what you told her), then I'd start prioritizing her less and see how she reacts. After that, if things kept going down Shit Creek with no paddle, I'd dump her. You seem like a decent dude and don't need to waste your fucking time running errands for someone's roommate whom apparently prioritizes you below the roommate.


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## TedEH

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Uh. Are you sure you aren't being played and aren't the best friend while the roommate is the boyfriend? I would've flat out denied any notion of me delivering someone else weed. They can take a fucking city bus for all I care; I am NOT running drugs -- legal or otherwise -- for someone else. I'd seriously hate to see you find out you weren't the only one in this person's life in an intimate way if that is the way the relationship was meant to be.



Maaaaaaaan I wish you knew some of the other details I've left out, cause they make this so much worse.
I 100% trust the roommate though. And I would normally be with you on the "he can take a hike" idea. I have a bad habit of conceding to avoid confrontation - and that's on me. He's a little lacking in the "being an adult" category and I know he's unaware of his part in my frustrations (because I've intentionally kept him out of it), but he's a great guy, a friend of mine as well, and I trust him entirely.

For the record, we are now approaching 2 hours late without any "hey, sorry I'm behind" or anything. She IS in fact out with someone I don't trust, but it's not the roommate.


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## TedEH

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Are you sure you aren't being played


I certainly sometimes feel like I'm being played.


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## TedEH

Spaced Out Ace said:


> I'd start telling her no


I ended up having a long conversation with someone last night, someone who I trust and is unattached in anyway to the situation, and I think the consensus we came to was that two things need to happen: I need to start saying no - or at the very least starting to push back instead of just conceding whenever things aren't going well. And there's a sort of conversation that needs to happen where we in no uncertain terms define what our relationship is and what our boundaries are.


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## Charlie Foxtrot 3rd

I understand the roommates condition as I struggle with it also, but it’s not your responsibility to care for this person anymore than normal human caring stuff. Driving out of you way at the request of your GF to get his medication, he can go fuck himself and she shouldn’t put you in that situation. Now you’ll be EXPECTED to do it again. People are different and that’s why we like who we like but it sounds like she’s running shit and you’re second or third even on her priorities. There’s been a lot of talk in the thread of bend here and meet halfway there but you’re the only one doing this as far as I can see. I’m probably wrong as I’ve never met you or her. 

It’s better to appear strange to others than to be a stranger to yourself, is something I try to remind myself on the regular. 

Charlie Foxtrot 3rd


----------



## TedEH

Charlie Foxtrot 3rd said:


> you’re second or third even on her priorities


I've thought about this a lot this week. So far.... I seem to sit fourth on the list. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect to be anyone's priority all the time. It would be nice sometimes though.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> Maaaaaaaan I wish you knew some of the other details I've left out, cause they make this so much worse. I 100% trust the roommate though. And I would normally be with you on the "he can take a hike" idea. I have a bad habit of conceding to avoid confrontation - and that's on me. He's a little lacking in the "being an adult" category and I know he's unaware of his part in my frustrations (because I've intentionally kept him out of it), but he's a great guy, a friend of mine as well, and I trust him entirely.
> 
> For the record, we are now approaching 2 hours late without any "hey, sorry I'm behind" or anything. She IS in fact out with someone I don't trust, but it's not the roommate.


You never go into why you trust them 100%, though. Frankly, I don't 100% trust anyone. If you would like, you can private message me the details you left out, but as is, it doesn't really look worthwhile. 

Conceding, consistently that is, can tend to make one a door mat. Don't be.

As for the part about being late, refer to my last comment in this reply. I would not put up with that shit. I think I rescind my he can take a hike comment... SHE can take a fucking hike.



TedEH said:


> I certainly sometimes feel like I'm being played.


Not a good sign, my dude. I'd just tell her upfront that you feel like you're being played when she finally shows up after being over 2 hours late, and tell her "I bet it would be a totally different story if the shoe was on the other foot and I was the one that was 2 hours late, constantly putting you as my third or fourth priority, and running you around doing shit for my friends." I'm sorry, but I'm kinda getting heated on your behalf. 



TedEH said:


> I ended up having a long conversation with someone last night, someone who I trust and is unattached in anyway to the situation, and I think the consensus we came to was that two things need to happen: I need to start saying no - or at the very least starting to push back instead of just conceding whenever things aren't going well. And there's a sort of conversation that needs to happen where we in no uncertain terms define what our relationship is and what our boundaries are.


I think you two are working on two different playing fields. I think she sees you as someone, not the one, whereas you (as far as I can gather) are viewing her as the only one (as in currently). This is not a good scenario from what little I can tell, and I would advise you to do three things:

1.) Put your fucking foot down and grow a pair -- sorry to be tough on you, but it's for your own good.
2.) She needs to stop taking advantage and brushing your concerns to the side like they do not matter -- it shows a sign of unattachment, which is worrisome for someone you are in a relationship with.
3.) You need to stop screwing her without a condom if that is what you have been doing so far or at any point in the relationship, and you must get checked after the relationship is over. 



TedEH said:


> I've thought about this a lot this week. So far.... I seem to sit fourth on the list. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect to be anyone's priority all the time. It would be nice sometimes though.


If you are never this person's 1st or 2nd priority (I say 2nd because it depends on circumstances and what their first priority is), then I'd possibly think about taking Paul Stanley's advice from his 1978 solo album: "When I was just a baby, momma sat me on her knee. She told me boy you listen, there's a lot you oughta see, a lot of pretty women gonna try and tie you down, but you don't know what you're missing if you never look around -- move on! That's what she told me." One of my favorites off of that album, too.


----------



## TedEH

Spaced Out Ace said:


> I'm sorry, but I'm kinda getting heated on your behalf.


Nah, I appreciate it.
I'm good at "being calm" when realistically, I'm quite... not... calm. Did I mention that I punched a car on Thursday? My hand still hurts.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> Nah, I appreciate it.
> I'm good at "being calm" when realistically, I'm quite... not... calm. Did I mention that I punched a car on Thursday? My hand still hurts.


If it's that bad, I'd get rid of what is causing the issue.


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## Albake21

I agree with everything @Spaced Out Ace has been saying. Right away the statement you made about being 3rd or even 4th priority on her list is a major red flag. That alone would cause me to lose interest and walk away. I think you should take what has been discussed here and sit down with this girl to talk it over. Judging by the response you get, I think you should have your answer. Dude if this girl is making you this upset, especially punching a car, it sounds like it's more problems than it's worth.


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## Charlie Foxtrot 3rd

My brother punched something that doesn’t move (the ground) and he is unable to play any instrument for 4 to 5 months. All because of a woman. He also just bought a new guitar, hasn’t played it and can’t even hold it. He says not being able to play his guitars is more depressing than his woman problems.


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## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> I've thought about this a lot this week. So far.... I seem to sit fourth on the list. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect to be anyone's priority all the time. It would be nice sometimes though.



I've learned over the years that people make time for what they want wether that be people, activites etc. Actions speak louder than words, so to speak. I've been a sucker for this over and over again and keep forgetting this.


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## TedEH

Story Time!
tl;dr: Went bad, then good, now being very cautious.

The long version:

So Saturday ended up going very differently than I had expected things to go. I mean that in the sense that I feel better about the situation. On the other hand, it also went exactly as I expected things to go.

She was out with some friends from the night before and had promised to meet me around 1pm-ish. I had been expressly not invited to this outing because one of the friends she was out with doesn't like me. I got a text close to 1 saying basically "there's a really long line here, might take a little bit longer, sorry". So I say "alright, no problem" because I was realistically expecting it already. It's normal for her to say one time, and actually mean about an hour later. It's normal, expected, etc - I was already prepared for that. At the same time, I had tickets for Ensiferum waiting for me at the doors, but the first band wasn't scheduled to go until 7, so lots of time.

Some time passes, she doesn't show up. I start posting on here. Don't hear anything. Try calling her phone -> it's dead. I start talking to my sister, venting about how I basically just got stood up. Having a lot of the same conversations as what I've been seeing here. Eventually, the comment is made that I should just go to this guys place and barge in. I don't know where he lives though. BUT WAIT -> They're not at his place, they're at the bar, that was the whole point, to go get some new beer being released. By this point it's 4pm, no message, no phone call, my sister is actively encouraging me to get in the car and go find them. I know the plan originally was that she'd be there in the morning, then go get some coffee, and come to my place, all on foot because it's all walking distance.

So I take a few moments to gather myself and grow a pair, get in the car, and start heading to the coffee place - both because I know she's supposed to go that way (I'm following the agreed upon plans in reverse), but also because I strongly think I'll need coffee for whatever comes after. I make it to the coffee place, park, and my phone immediately goes off - "Hey! My phone died! On my way now!" My brain short-circuits, I reply with just "wow", I go inside to get my coffee and say I'll be back shortly. She's confused as to why I'm not at home.

She gets dropped off by one of the friends (not the one who hates me), and I show up a minute later. It's now approaching 5pm. We go inside and she starts going on about how the lineup was ridiculous (and it was -> they waited between 8am and 4pm to get into the building), and pulls the whole "so how was your day?"

I immediately jump into "you stood me up". 
"What?" 
"Yeah, you said 1pm, it's almost 5." 
"Yeah but I had tickets and my phone died and" 
"No buts. You stood me up. Again."

She goes basically into a sort of silent shut-down mode, not really knowing what to say - but I've got LOTS to say at this point, so I basically tore her a new one at this point. I'm not proud of it, but I basically yelled at her for two hours in my kitchen. I went over everything that has been bothering me for the last few weeks in blunt and painful detail. She stood silently and took it in.

At the end of the conversation, she still didn't know what to say, which I get- it's a lot to throw at a person at once- but she basically responded with "oh no, you're right - I have been doing all those things - I've been told all of this stuff before by the ex and I didn't realize I was still doing it. Really I had no idea."

I presented her with "action items" of sorts. Some of those were things that I am declaring I was changing in terms of my own behaviour. Some are things things that we can _both_ do to address our frustrations. I made a point of framing it as "this is for _us_ to figure out" rather than just going "these are your problems, fix your shit". There were more than two things, but the top two things were that I was going to start saying no, therefor making a point of not conceding to any bullshit as I see it happen. And the second is that we're going to have a conversation about our expectations and boundaries. It's not happening today, and I think it's fair to give a few days to think about what we each really want, and what we expect from eachother - but that conversation is going to happen.

This basically left her in kind of a state of shock, but nothing was going to stop me from going to the show I wanted to see (I don't even care about the ticket cost, I just think I deserved a decent night out at that point). So we went to the show. The venue has this food window thing. I got a chili dog. The openers sounded great in part 'cause the local sound guy was on point that day. Ensiferum is always a good show. Their drummer is tight as fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Anyway, while I'm cautious - I do think I message was received, and the rest of the weekend was actually pretty pleasant. Went to jams. Played some Mario 3 (we've been keeping the NES powered on at my place until we complete the game). I mean that in the sense that I can see her behaviour shift after the things I said. There's suddenly a very grave concern for time. There have been other very small behaviour adjustments since then that are hard to explain, but I can see that what I said hit home and she's now actively trying to be as considerate as possible. There's a sense of guilt that seems to go with it, like an "I'm so sorry, I feel like a terrible person" vibe with each small gesture. I made a point of saying that I could see the effort being made and that I appreciated it.

I feel 800x better for just having vented my frustrations and gotten it over with, even if I wish I hadn't had to shout it at her. That doesn't feel good to do. I don't punch things and yell at people, that's not me. I didn't want to raise my voice, but emotions are what they are. I've resolved to be very cautious moving forward. I'm absolutely not going to drop any of the issues, but I'm at least no longer walking around with this lingering over my head.

You know that sense of when someone arrives and you see them coming and you're excited that they're on the way? I feel like I can go back to that now. I've spend the week in that "oh no, I have to go see her now" mode, and that sucks. I want to be in the frame of mind where I'm excited to see her, and I want her to be in that same space. Getting everything out in the open lets me be in that frame of mind again.


----------



## Albake21

That's really good to hear! It's sucks it had to go down that way, but it seemed necessary. I hope things continue to get better between you two and this was an eye opener for the both of you.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> Story Time!
> tl;dr: Went bad, then good, now being very cautious.
> 
> The long version:
> 
> So Saturday ended up going very differently than I had expected things to go. I mean that in the sense that I feel better about the situation. On the other hand, it also went exactly as I expected things to go.
> 
> She was out with some friends from the night before and had promised to meet me around 1pm-ish. I had been expressly not invited to this outing because one of the friends she was out with doesn't like me. I got a text close to 1 saying basically "there's a really long line here, might take a little bit longer, sorry". So I say "alright, no problem" because I was realistically expecting it already. It's normal for her to say one time, and actually mean about an hour later. It's normal, expected, etc - I was already prepared for that. At the same time, I had tickets for Ensiferum waiting for me at the doors, but the first band wasn't scheduled to go until 7, so lots of time.
> 
> Some time passes, she doesn't show up. I start posting on here. Don't hear anything. Try calling her phone -> it's dead. I start talking to my sister, venting about how I basically just got stood up. Having a lot of the same conversations as what I've been seeing here. Eventually, the comment is made that I should just go to this guys place and barge in. I don't know where he lives though. BUT WAIT -> They're not at his place, they're at the bar, that was the whole point, to go get some new beer being released. By this point it's 4pm, no message, no phone call, my sister is actively encouraging me to get in the car and go find them. I know the plan originally was that she'd be there in the morning, then go get some coffee, and come to my place, all on foot because it's all walking distance.
> 
> So I take a few moments to gather myself and grow a pair, get in the car, and start heading to the coffee place - both because I know she's supposed to go that way (I'm following the agreed upon plans in reverse), but also because I strongly think I'll need coffee for whatever comes after. I make it to the coffee place, park, and my phone immediately goes off - "Hey! My phone died! On my way now!" My brain short-circuits, I reply with just "wow", I go inside to get my coffee and say I'll be back shortly. She's confused as to why I'm not at home.
> 
> She gets dropped off by one of the friends (not the one who hates me), and I show up a minute later. It's now approaching 5pm. We go inside and she starts going on about how the lineup was ridiculous (and it was -> they waited between 8am and 4pm to get into the building), and pulls the whole "so how was your day?"
> 
> I immediately jump into "you stood me up".
> "What?"
> "Yeah, you said 1pm, it's almost 5."
> "Yeah but I had tickets and my phone died and"
> "No buts. You stood me up. Again."
> 
> She goes basically into a sort of silent shut-down mode, not really knowing what to say - but I've got LOTS to say at this point, so I basically tore her a new one at this point. I'm not proud of it, but I basically yelled at her for two hours in my kitchen. I went over everything that has been bothering me for the last few weeks in blunt and painful detail. She stood silently and took it in.
> 
> At the end of the conversation, she still didn't know what to say, which I get- it's a lot to throw at a person at once- but she basically responded with "oh no, you're right - I have been doing all those things - I've been told all of this stuff before by the ex and I didn't realize I was still doing it. Really I had no idea."
> 
> I presented her with "action items" of sorts. Some of those were things that I am declaring I was changing in terms of my own behaviour. Some are things things that we can _both_ do to address our frustrations. I made a point of framing it as "this is for _us_ to figure out" rather than just going "these are your problems, fix your shit". There were more than two things, but the top two things were that I was going to start saying no, therefor making a point of not conceding to any bullshit as I see it happen. And the second is that we're going to have a conversation about our expectations and boundaries. It's not happening today, and I think it's fair to give a few days to think about what we each really want, and what we expect from eachother - but that conversation is going to happen.
> 
> This basically left her in kind of a state of shock, but nothing was going to stop me from going to the show I wanted to see (I don't even care about the ticket cost, I just think I deserved a decent night out at that point). So we went to the show. The venue has this food window thing. I got a chili dog. The openers sounded great in part 'cause the local sound guy was on point that day. Ensiferum is always a good show. Their drummer is tight as fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
> 
> Anyway, while I'm cautious - I do think I message was received, and the rest of the weekend was actually pretty pleasant. Went to jams. Played some Mario 3 (we've been keeping the NES powered on at my place until we complete the game). I mean that in the sense that I can see her behaviour shift after the things I said. There's suddenly a very grave concern for time. There have been other very small behaviour adjustments since then that are hard to explain, but I can see that what I said hit home and she's now actively trying to be as considerate as possible. There's a sense of guilt that seems to go with it, like an "I'm so sorry, I feel like a terrible person" vibe with each small gesture. I made a point of saying that I could see the effort being made and that I appreciated it.
> 
> I feel 800x better for just having vented my frustrations and gotten it over with, even if I wish I hadn't had to shout it at her. That doesn't feel good to do. I don't punch things and yell at people, that's not me. I didn't want to raise my voice, but emotions are what they are. I've resolved to be very cautious moving forward. I'm absolutely not going to drop any of the issues, but I'm at least no longer walking around with this lingering over my head.
> 
> You know that sense of when someone arrives and you see them coming and you're excited that they're on the way? I feel like I can go back to that now. I've spend the week in that "oh no, I have to go see her now" mode, and that sucks. I want to be in the frame of mind where I'm excited to see her, and I want her to be in that same space. Getting everything out in the open lets me be in that frame of mind again.


 That's awesome man! She sounds like a keeper. Seriously. She actually listened to what you had to say and took it to heart. That's like half the battle right there with anyone. Obvisously as you said you feel bad about it, but just don't make a habit of it. You sound like you were justified in it, took a chance, and it all worked out. It obviously could have gone either way with this. As this type of thing will almost ineveitably happend again, as does with most people after the intial "incident" wears off and old habit creep back in, I'd personally cut her a bunch of slack. She sounds totally reasonable here by her actions as you described how should took the criticism. As long as she's not plotting diabolical revenge or anything it sounds like you two might have a long life ahead of you. Partner revenge through annoyance is almost required though.  Those are all thing you'll end up giving up on and just saying "that's just the way she is, I don't know, whatever "


----------



## TedEH

^ Honestly, everything you've typed out is the way I try to look at it whenever something weird happens, or I get frustrated, etc. it's very hard to get across a persons character via forum posts, but she's legitimately not the average character. Then again, who is? I'm a weirdo, I know I've got quirks, etc.



c7spheres said:


> She actually listened to what you had to say and took it to heart.


When I said earlier that "when it works, it really works", this is a lot of what I meant. Everyone has communication breakdowns at times, but in our case it's not for a lack of trying - it's usually just a legitimate misunderstanding. I need to take advantage of this willingness to communicate more often.

This is a lot of why I put a lot of the onus on myself to bring attention to things that frustrate me before the build up -> Because that's my own contribution to relationship buillshit. I know that this is the pattern I bring to the table: I see something I'm not the biggest fan of, no big deal, I let things go, I get annoyed again, I let it go, I get more annoyed, I get moody, I let it go, I then get frustrated, etc etc until things build. Then I shout at people, when I should have addressed things much earlier.

This week has been a learning experience, to put it nicely.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> ^ Honestly, everything you've typed out is the way I try to look at it whenever something weird happens, or I get frustrated, etc. it's very hard to get across a persons character via forum posts, but she's legitimately not the average character. Then again, who is? I'm a weirdo, I know I've got quirks, etc.
> 
> 
> When I said earlier that "when it works, it really works", this is a lot of what I meant. Everyone has communication breakdowns at times, but in our case it's not for a lack of trying - it's usually just a legitimate misunderstanding. I need to take advantage of this willingness to communicate more often.
> 
> This is a lot of why I put a lot of the onus on myself to bring attention to things that frustrate me before the build up -> Because that's my own contribution to relationship buillshit. I know that this is the pattern I bring to the table: I see something I'm not the biggest fan of, no big deal, I let things go, I get annoyed again, I let it go, I get more annoyed, I get moody, I let it go, I then get frustrated, etc etc until things build. Then I shout at people, when I should have addressed things much earlier.
> 
> This week has been a learning experience, to put it nicely.


 Best of luck my freind. I hope things keep going smoothly for you.


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

TedEH said:


> I feel 800x better for just having vented my frustrations and gotten it over with, even if I wish I hadn't had to shout it at her. That doesn't feel good to do. I don't punch things and yell at people, that's not me. I didn't want to raise my voice, but emotions are what they are. I've resolved to be very cautious moving forward. I'm absolutely not going to drop any of the issues, but I'm at least no longer walking around with this lingering over my head.
> 
> You know that sense of when someone arrives and you see them coming and you're excited that they're on the way? I feel like I can go back to that now. I've spend the week in that "oh no, I have to go see her now" mode, and that sucks. I want to be in the frame of mind where I'm excited to see her, and I want her to be in that same space. Getting everything out in the open lets me be in that frame of mind again.



Yeah, that probably wasn't necessary; I struggle with some pretty significant anger issues so I can relate though. If nothing else it probably really drove the point home that you were serious with what you're saying.

Anyhow, I'm a bit late to the party here since I've been on vacation and it sounds like your situation is already pretty much resolved, but I want you to know that I empathize with your position very strongly. I've been there myself multiple times.
And what works for me may not work for you, but what I realized that helped a lot with those kinds of issues is that *I don't have to spend time with her*. There is nothing making me do that.

Nobody is going to take it personally if you reply to their proposed plans with "No, I'm out. I'm just feeling really beat and you couldn't get me out of my house tonight for a million dollars." 
People get it, because everyone's been there.

A lot of times you're stuck in these situations where you _feel_ like answering / behaving honestly is going to be too self-serving, rude, or 'wrong,' but in reality, the people you're speaking to don't really care because they get it. You'll get an "Oh, that sucks. Next time!" or if you're lucky, a "Damn dude, what's got you so worn?" I always look at this kind of stuff through the lens of "what would I want me to do if the shoe was on the other foot" and the answer is always "stop beating around the bush and tell it like it is," because I don't want someone to spend time with me because they feel obligated or because they're just going with the flow; I want them to spend time with me because they're stoked about it. If we're going somewhere, I want them to be excited about where we're going; if we're doing something, I want them pumped up about whatever it is we're going to do, and if that's ever not true, what's the point? 

For example, we'll do the weed thing. Honestly, in your situation I'd have just said "No, maybe tomorrow. I'm already in for the night," I burn so I get it, being out when you don't want to be out blows; but you don't _*need*_ to burn. His life is not going to come to a screeching halt because he can't light up for another 20 hours, and if it's that big of a concern, that's _*his*_ problem for not keeping himself stocked up and planning for how he was gunna get more. Not my problem. 

tl;dr, honesty is literally always the best policy. Your girl is not gunna get pissy with you because you decided not to see her today and instead got real busy vibing at home taking a mental health day, and if she does, odds are there's a deeper personality conflict at play there. FWIW, I'm not advocating for the 'change her' or 'she needs to change' approach; I tend to subscribe to the 'people should just be who they are' philosophy. So if she isn't going to give you your personal time, you just need to make it yourself. She can be her, while you be you, and the world keeps turning until you're charged up enough to go play with the dog.


----------



## TedEH

^ I appreciate that. I need that reminder from time to time. It's actually part of the plan tonight. I've got a pub night with work friends for an hour or two, then going home (my home). Probably going to bed early like an old man. Thanks for the comments guys.


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## TedEH

It saddens me a little bit how much the advice I've been given from anyone I've spoken to has pointed in particular directions. There's a clear pattern to the reactions I get when I tell the story of my last few weeks. In fairness, I know I've only really spoken about negatives, and I've painted a pretty terrible picture. I've got a lot to think about, I guess.


----------



## TedEH

Things continue..... 
I thought the week was going well, and we made it to the conversation I said we needed to have and it.... did not go the way I had hoped.
I had hoped that we'd go "you know, if you look at where we are now, there are some hiccups, but this is good, so lets keep going with a better understanding of each other and where we stand and what our boundaries are, etc."
Instead what I got was an admission that we don't want the same thing and that it won't be possible to be met half way. I clearly want a pretty standard relationship, and she wants.... I'm not entirely sure? And she doesn't know either, farther than that she cannot "be committed" to anything. No commitments. No exclusivity. No change in priorities or accommodations for our differences in lifestyles. I'm not allowed to interact with the person she calls her best friend. I was told I should spend more time at home on my own.

But somehow this is "not the end". How can I not read that as the beginning of the end? She says we've both just forgotten to take time for ourselves, and cutting back on time spent together will solve things. Resolving to spend time apart is not how a relationship advances, that's how it starts to end.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

I'd split.


----------



## MFB

She wants you to be there when she wants you to be, and doesn't care if you're there for the other times. 

You're doing yourself a disservice by staying in it.


----------



## TedEH

I know I gatta split. I think I've reached a record number of people telling me basically the same thing. It just sucks. This next week is going to be unpleasant.


----------



## MFB

I don't know this woman at all, obviously, since I'm just a dude on the internet, but she sounds like the type that will also make it your fault that things didn't work and I'd say also be prepared for hearing that if you run in any of the same circles. You don't have to play the game and be petty saying why it didn't, etc... but I'd say being the higher person and just moving on with "it didn't work and that's the end of it," would be the best approach (as it usually is).


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## TedEH

I don't think she would do that, but a "type" like that is hard to convey online. I honestly have no idea what to expect going forward.


----------



## Drew

TedEH said:


> Things continue.....
> I thought the week was going well, and we made it to the conversation I said we needed to have and it.... did not go the way I had hoped.
> I had hoped that we'd go "you know, if you look at where we are now, there are some hiccups, but this is good, so lets keep going with a better understanding of each other and where we stand and what our boundaries are, etc."
> Instead what I got was an admission that we don't want the same thing and that it won't be possible to be met half way. I clearly want a pretty standard relationship, and she wants.... I'm not entirely sure? And she doesn't know either, farther than that she cannot "be committed" to anything. No commitments. No exclusivity. No change in priorities or accommodations for our differences in lifestyles. I'm not allowed to interact with the person she calls her best friend. I was told I should spend more time at home on my own.
> 
> But somehow this is "not the end". How can I not read that as the beginning of the end? She says we've both just forgotten to take time for ourselves, and cutting back on time spent together will solve things. Resolving to spend time apart is not how a relationship advances, that's how it starts to end.


No horse in this race, save that you're a dude I know casually over the net, write some pretty cool music, and I've read the last few pages of this thread.

A couple wanting the same things is about the baseline minimum of what it takes for a relationship to work. An ex girlfriend of mine (ironically enough - long story there, but we should have known better than to try to date, but when everything was said and done I still think she's a pretty emotionally astute person) used to always say that for a relationship to work, you furthermore needed to have the same "values," and find the same things important. Same or similar sense of ethics and morality, same or similar priorities in how you spend time, etc. In many ways we were actually pretty compatible by these standards, but in a few key ways we weren't, so...

Anyway, I digress. If having the same fundamental values is important to a relationship succeeding, the ability to commit to the other is maybe about as fundamental as you can get. If you were looking for a very casual, informal, "there when you want it to be" relationship, then this would be perfect. You're looking for more of a committed partner, though. She's not. And unless that were to change, that will never let both of you be happy together. And you deserve better than that.




My current relationship drama, which is about as lowercase-d drama as you can ask for and on the measure things are going very well, a bit more than a year in, is, well, my girlfriend is a big proponent of that "languages of love" metaphor, and hers is basically who she chooses to spend time with, whereas mine is more doing things for the other person. This is a little problematic because it follows that she wants to spend as much of her free time with me as she can, whereas I want to maximize the quality of time I have with her, but also want to make sure I'm getting time in to train on my road bike and hit my cycling goals, that I'm getting time in to practice guitar and write and record music, and as a pretty typical introvert, every once in a while just having a night alone to decompress (high overlap here with guitar nights). It's a good problem to have that we're trying to figure out how best to navigate this, and like 85% of being in a relationship I think it's just a matter of making sure we're both communicating what we need from the other and making sure that we both have the same expectations about how we've decided to spend our time on a particular night, and that if I go home and get on my bike after work and then we don't get together until a late dinner, it's not that I care more about my bike than her so much as I'm just on a pretty strict training schedule (she's gradually starting to get it that I don't just "ride bikes" and that I'm training at a very high competitive level - ditto on the guitar, though I think that's a lot easier for her to understand, probably because we don't play music together but we DO occasionally go for 15-30 mile social cruises at 10-11mph and I don't know if she fully realizes that when I'm doing that I'm barely above a resting heartrate, lol - it helped, after the initial eyeroll, when I pointed out that when I set a new PR on the 8 mile, 2700 foot climb up a mountain I grew up at the foot of a month or two ago, I'd averaged faster on the climb as we did on our last ride together). Idunno. Rambling here, but I'm in a good spot with a great girl, I think, it's just even a year in we're still sort of working on how to best communicate our needs to the other. I don't think that ever stops, learning to do that better, in a relationship.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

TedEH said:


> I don't think she would do that, but a "type" like that is hard to convey online. I honestly have no idea what to expect going forward.



I mean... there's always going to be special/ unique attributes that no one online is going to be able to see since we don't know her like you do but if anything you've posted about her and this relationship is even remotely actual ( which I believe it is since you come across as very genuine and transparent) then I don't think that any of this SSO advice would change... not at all. 

Despite any aspect of intimacy or connection that you've experienced with her, there's no way that she's taking this relationship seriously nor respecting you as an individual. And she does fit a "type" from what you've said. No matter how unique or special a relationship appears at times, men and women all fit some degree of "type". And if I'm gonna briefly run with this premise then I'd say that she's the type who doesn't appreciate truly caring people and doesn't deal well with responsibility. She's not ready for commitment and regardless of whether or not that's just commitment to you or to anyone... that's irrelevant. I think you're a kind dude and I'll just about guarantee that you deserve "better"...someone who respects your words and feelings. She may be a decent person... no idea but she's obviously not able nor willing to be involved in a mature/ committed relationship. Hell, she's not even trying. 

And I know that none of this matters cause when we have a great deal of feelings invested in someone ( even given that it may be short-lived) all it takes is that person sensing that you're fixin to blaze and if they're not good with that then they'll pull you back in with flirtatious or remorseful or whatever kind of behavior that they know will pull you back in and keep you hanging on. Idk... don't be a doormat, dude. It's difficult but very necessary. I wouldn't even consider any standpoint of "just remaining friends) because real friends wouldn't treat you like this either. 

Sincerely... Best of luck whatever direction that you proceed.


----------



## TedEH

Drew said:


> it's just even a year in we're still sort of working on how to best communicate our needs to the other. I don't think that ever stops, learning to do that better, in a relationship.



I think the bit that sort of screwed me in this case, and leaves me on the fence about what went wrong is that realistically it's been all of maybe three months of dating at this point (although we've known eachother for a long time before that). I feel like I'm running into the kind of issues that I'd expect to run into a year in or something, not a couple of months in. It leaves me wondering if maybe I just rushed things and she panicked. Like is it normal to already be at a point that feels analogous to living together? We've basically not spent any time apart that we didn't have to for the whole last month, which in itself is a source of some of the frustration, and I'm willing to admit some fault or it. Maybe a lot of the fault.

I imagine from her end she saw us as just casually seeing each other and the more serious side of things just kind of crept up. At the same time I was in the mindset of building towards a partnership of sorts.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> I don't think she would do that, but a "type" like that is hard to convey online. I honestly have no idea what to expect going forward.


 Sorry to hear this for you man. Personally I'm a hopeless romantic type and always try way to hard to make things work out so I'm usually the one getting dumped rather than the dumper. 
- I would just do whatever you want in your personal life, and then when you're ready to see her or feel like hanging out with her again hit her up, but on the side leave yourself open to other possibilites/relationships. This way you can relieve some pressures on you two, go at her pace, and still work on building the relationship without feeling rushed or obligated from either person. Somethings take time to grow and you're moving to fast for her it sounds like. Normally I'd say split, but since you've talked so well about her previously and you know her well enough and like her I'd really be careful about it and think twice. Life is strange and developing long term relationships can takes a long time before your both on the same page. It's a major adjustment and some people really need time to realize what's going on, even though they're hearing all the words and having the talks etc. Basically, don't through away a good thing if there's any hope in saving it because these things come less and less in life, especially as ou get older. Don't take it for granted. Just something to ponder I guess.


----------



## Drew

TedEH said:


> I think the bit that sort of screwed me in this case, and leaves me on the fence about what went wrong is that realistically it's been all of maybe three months of dating at this point (although we've known eachother for a long time before that). I feel like I'm running into the kind of issues that I'd expect to run into a year in or something, not a couple of months in. It leaves me wondering if maybe I just rushed things and she panicked. Like is it normal to already be at a point that feels analogous to living together? We've basically not spent any time apart that we didn't have to for the whole last month, which in itself is a source of some of the frustration, and I'm willing to admit some fault or it. Maybe a lot of the fault.
> 
> I imagine from her end she saw us as just casually seeing each other and the more serious side of things just kind of crept up. At the same time I was in the mindset of building towards a partnership of sorts.


Honestly, it's tough (and probably impossible) to say for sure. Three months is not an abnormally short time to decide that you want to be in a relationship with someone, but I think what the "timeline" is is another one of those things that varies person by person and by recent experience (the girl I'm dating now both is probably on the longer end of that spectrum but had also (unbeknownst to me) gone through a pretty ugly breakup a few months before we met, so I was ready before she was and that definitely caused some stress), and just because it may be objectively "reasonable" does not preclude the other person from possibly feeling rushed and panicking. 

But, if you're spending all your free time together, while at the same time she's telling you she wants a more casual relationship and isn't ready to commit, then the "costs" of continuing the relationship are going to be disproportionately borne by you. How you navigate that is anyone's guess. I guess talking through it explicitly is probably the most sensible course of action and straight up asking her what she was looking for at the outset... but, if I were someone seeing someone who was ready to commit to a relationship where I wasn't, and they wanted to keep sitting down to "talk about what we're doing," then yeah, I could see that potentially making me even _more _freaked out. 

Basically, relationships are fucking awful, and I don't see why any of us do this to ourselves. I'm pretty happy in mine, but even then every now and then I find myself wondering if maybe a lifetime of celibacy, guitar, and riding my bike up mountains wouldn't be so bad, after all.


----------



## TedEH

Drew said:


> Basically, relationships are fucking awful, and I don't see why any of us do this to ourselves. I'm pretty happy in mine, but even then every now and then I find myself wondering if maybe a lifetime of celibacy, guitar, and riding my bike up mountains wouldn't be so bad, after all.



If there's any sure-fire way to make me feel like trash on legs, it's basically any relationship nonsense.


----------



## MFB

TedEH said:


> If there's any sure-fire way to make me feel like trash on legs, it's basically any relationship nonsense.



Joke's on you, I don't need to be in a relationship to treat myself like trash on legs



Spoiler


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

Drew said:


> This is a little problematic because it follows that she wants to spend as much of her free time with me as she can, whereas I want to maximize the quality of time I have with her, but also want to make sure I'm getting time in to train on my road bike and hit my cycling goals, that I'm getting time in to practice guitar and write and record music, and as a pretty typical introvert, every once in a while just having a night alone to decompress (high overlap here with guitar nights).



*S A M E.*
It's tough dude; it's been 3 years now and this is still a regularly recurring problem. 



TedEH said:


> I think the bit that sort of screwed me in this case, and leaves me on the fence about what went wrong is that realistically it's been all of maybe three months of dating at this point (although we've known eachother for a long time before that). I feel like I'm running into the kind of issues that I'd expect to run into a year in or something, not a couple of months in. It leaves me wondering if maybe I just rushed things and she panicked. Like is it normal to already be at a point that feels analogous to living together? We've basically not spent any time apart that we didn't have to for the whole last month, which in itself is a source of some of the frustration, and I'm willing to admit some fault or it. Maybe a lot of the fault.



I dunno. Three months sounds short in the grand scheme of things, but thinking back, I don't think I've ever reached that milestone without knowing how I felt about the relationship. Or seeing red flags, for that matter. I'd actually make the argument that this is the best time to be having these discussions because it's been long enough that you guys are attached, but short enough that either one of you should probably be able to walk away without any major damage. If you suck it up and put it off for a year and a half, and then shit goes south, it's a lot more likely that someone's gunna take it really hard. 

I'm not gunna push you to leave her because I am not you and I don't know your guys' dynamic.
I _will_ say that if it were me, and I wanted _*and expressed*_ that I wanted to be serious / exclusive and she didn't, I would _always_ feel like a second fiddle; and that's a relationship I wouldn't want to take part in.
That said, who knows. Maybe she just isn't sure yet. Maybe she's in a weird phase in her life right now. Could be anything. Her line about forgetting to take time for yourselves honestly sounds like she's trying to accommodate _*you*_. You came to her and told her you felt like you were drowning and needed some time to slow down and right yourself. If I were her, I'd have the same assessment: Ted needs some time for Ted. 

And that's true. Nothing wrong with that.

Her digging her feet in taking the "we can't compromise" approach and the whole weird thing with her friend are major red flags, but you know that already. 

The relationship I'm in now started out as a friends with benefits arrangement. I got uncomfortable. I pushed for something 'official,' even though we had already talked about that and threw it out. She complied. Then I realized I still had feelings for my ex and couldn't deny that anymore, and broke it off. We got back together less than a month later. Relationships are messy and people are stupid. I'd talk with her some more and try to suss out what she really wants. Even if she doesn't tell you explicitly, see if you can piece it together, because the chances are pretty decent that she doesn't even fucking know. And if whatever you figure out doesn't line up with you and what you want? Well, I'd probably urge you to leave...because if you don't, later on down the line, you'll probably start feeling trapped, and that's *not* where you wanna be.


----------



## TedEH

^ I think you've hit a lot of it on the head.

The problem is that both angles are kind of right at the same time.

Yeah, I think a lot of it is that she's not sure herself. The line about space to ourselves was in part meant to accommodate me, I'm sure, but she said the same about herself. It's not wrong that even long-established couples need to keep some element of independence. I get a lot of mixed messages where at one moment it's "I really don't want to commit something because I don't know what I want", and the next moment it's "I know there was no plan for you to come over after what you needed to do today but.... what are you doing after?" I mean, there's a clear desire for some form of relationship to happen.

But at the same time, the red flags are very real. The lack of respect for my time is real. She's got some weed use patterns I'm not a fan of. The sketchy bit with her best friend can't be ignored. The fact that we drifted so far off the same page as eachother and she didn't really notice until I practically shouted it at her can't be denied. I feel like I'm up against a sort of lack of emotional maturity in some ways that I don't know outweigh the positives.

And that's just it - I have to decide what elements of this relationship are more important, what outweighs what.


----------



## TedEH

Ordacleaphobia said:


> Relationships are messy and people are stupid.


+ 100


----------



## Drew

Ordacleaphobia said:


> *S A M E.*
> It's tough dude; it's been 3 years now and this is still a regularly recurring problem.


The other point of conflict is that she loves to travel (I've done less than her but want to do a lot more, so I'm on board with this) and we travel pretty well together, but I'd just gotten into traveling places to go biking around the time we met, and she's very opposed to me taking a half day or day on a week-plus-both-weekends trip to go off on my own to bike up a mountain, which is kinda my past time. She says maybe down the road when we've been dating longer she'll be more sick of me and won't mind as much, and on trips where we're there as part of a group she's more ok with me taking most of a day to herself, but her desire to spend say six hours of a day without me while we're on vacation, only to have me come home wiped out is pretty low. 

Part of me doesn't fault her at all for feeling this way, but at the same time she's very pro children whereas I'm squarely "ambivalent, would do it for the right person, but not on my own" (I have amazing parents, wouldn't do it unless I could commit to being the same quality of parent, and have a rough idea of the degree of sacrifices that would entail), so if this works out, we will have children. And, I keep thinking, if this is how she feels now, then in five years time if we're traveling with a one-year old, in what universe is she going to let me slip away for four to six hours while she's alone with the child? It's now or never. I haven't raised this particular concern with her, but the next time this comes up (it's a conversation I obviously am not about to prompt, haha), I will. 

Still, she's an awesome girl and if the problem here is she wants to spend more time with me than I can necessarily guarantee, that's not so bad.  I bought her her first proper road bike, but she's more interested in going for a spin on a bike path and stopping for a glass of wine than she is chasing a PR on an epic climb.


----------



## TedEH

Things continue to be messy!
After the conversation we had had on the weekend, but also just because the logistics of it made sense, last night was going to be a day to myself. I had a jam night lined up after work (which could be a whole story on its own), then the plan was to wrap up there, drive home (about 40 minutes), crash immediately, get a decent amount of sleep, wake up, do my old morning routine, back to work, etc - just do my own thing and put any drama out of my mind for a day so that I can focus, do a decent job at work, come back to whatever conversations need to happen with a fresh mind/attitude/etc.

Jam night wraps up, it went reasonably well - my phone goes off. "Had a rough night, kinda want to see you". Well..... drama aside, I can't not respond to something like that. An hour or so later, I make it to her place, something is clearly off, but not sure what. Once there's a moment away from the roommate, I ask what's wrong.

So, while I was at the jam, lady-friend-of-slightly-undefined-status decides that she needs to vent, get some advice, etc., so she reaches out to best-friend-guy-who-doesn't-like-me and she ends up spending some time visiting him. Details of the conversation weren't given to me, but effectively he admitted at this point that he still had hope for the two of them being a thing, and this clearly wasn't received well. Either she was completely oblivious or in denial that this guy had a thing for her. Their weekend plans have been cancelled. She had felt bad already, but this new realization just made her feel that much worse.

Now everyone just feels bad.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯


----------



## Albake21

TedEH said:


> Things continue to be messy!
> After the conversation we had had on the weekend, but also just because the logistics of it made sense, last night was going to be a day to myself. I had a jam night lined up after work (which could be a whole story on its own), then the plan was to wrap up there, drive home (about 40 minutes), crash immediately, get a decent amount of sleep, wake up, do my old morning routine, back to work, etc - just do my own thing and put any drama out of my mind for a day so that I can focus, do a decent job at work, come back to whatever conversations need to happen with a fresh mind/attitude/etc.
> 
> Jam night wraps up, it went reasonably well - my phone goes off. "Had a rough night, kinda want to see you". Well..... drama aside, I can't not respond to something like that. An hour or so later, I make it to her place, something is clearly off, but not sure what. Once there's a moment away from the roommate, I ask what's wrong.
> 
> So, while I was at the jam, lady-friend-of-slightly-undefined-status decides that she needs to vent, get some advice, etc., so she reaches out to best-friend-guy-who-doesn't-like-me and she ends up spending some time visiting him. Details of the conversation weren't given to me, but effectively he admitted at this point that he still had hope for the two of them being a thing, and this clearly wasn't received well. Either she was completely oblivious or in denial that this guy had a thing for her. Their weekend plans have been cancelled. She had felt bad already, but this new realization just made her feel that much worse.
> 
> Now everyone just feels bad.
> 
> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Jeez man I really don't think you need this in your life. I really think you need to take a break from it all and go back to your normal life (like you tried to do) and see how it goes. It sounds like she has her own problems to deal with, just as much as you do. It really blows my mind how oblivious people are when someone is interested in them. I've definitely been there a couple times in my life. 

I wish I could give more insight, but honestly I can't say much more than you really should get some distance and clear your mind from everything. I'm sure other guys here will give some great advice haha.


----------



## TedEH

My current strategy, honestly, is to change nothing and go into friend mode. I don't mean that to say I'm dumping the relationship, but I think the circumstances need me to prioritize the we-are-still-friends aspect of things. Step back a bit. Encourage everyone to be calm, to relax, to take everything in and cut themselves some slack. The mood this morning was very much one of "we've all been dumb and we all feel like trash on legs". That's not a mood in which to do anything drastic or make any lasting decisions. This feels like a night where it would be appropriate to just find something to do to relax and let things just be. No discussions, no pushing anything, just play some games or get some dinner or something. 
Step one - remove the stress.
Step two - take everything in.
Step three - address things once everyone is in the right headspace to do so.
Step four - Play some video games or something.
....?
Profit.


----------



## c7spheres

- I think you need to let roomate guy and her know what's up with her present, and in a respectfully calm way. I'd go over to their house and with roomate guy present, just ask to talk to both them with the tv off etc, and explain what you heard and who you heard it from. Be up front and honest about it. This way you can save time with people in denial and get everything on the table. Reiterate to hiim in front of her that you and her are in a relationship (even thoug he knows) and he is questioning your trust for him and motives towards her. I think putting it all on the table will save you a lot of time and thought/worrying energy etc. 
- Not to sound like a jerk, and I'm not saying your girl is like this at all, but in my experience this could be a way of either telling you that they are already a thing and seeing how you react (to make it easier on themselves) or a way to see how far you'll go for her in terms of "manning up" and sticking up for you as a couple. I've been "played" so many times I can't remember them all. I find, unfortunately, that these games never seem to end with most people and serious relationship contenders are a very rare breed indeed. It doesn't seem to get any better either even though I'm into my 40's now. Again, no offense meant, just something to be aware of, which it sounds like you might already be famliar with these BS games some people play.


----------



## TedEH

c7spheres said:


> I think you need to let roomate guy and her know what's up


I want to reiterate that roommate is uninvolved at all. Roommate and "best-friend-guy-who-doesn't-like-me" are two separate people. Roommate guy is cool. If it was as easy as having a conversation with everyone present, I'd be all over that.

I've been intentionally vague about the guy who doesn't like me 'cause it starts to cross that line of things I'm willing to publicly share, but this guy who presents the actual conflict refuses to be in contact directly with me or be in the same place as me. Conversation with him is never going to happen.


----------



## c7spheres

^ Oops, got confused. Sorry about that. I do think putting everything out in the open is a good thing though. If anything, it's a time saver to get to whatever result was going to happen down the road. Sorry for all the confusion and I hope things work out for you.


----------



## TedEH

TedEH said:


> My current strategy


Well, that failed miserably. The details aren't important, but I can't make it to the end of a day without feeling miserable. I've become little more than a convenient accessory to the lifestyle of someone who has no regard for me as an individual person.

My only real hesitation at this point is that this is a friend, and I know the process is going to be painful. Basically just building up to the point where I grow a pair and tell her I'm done with this. I'm gonna play some video games, write some songs, do all the things I *should* already be doing. I want to buy a switch. Some retail therapy might help out.

Definitely in FML mode.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> Well, that failed miserably. The details aren't important, but I can't make it to the end of a day without feeling miserable. I've become little more than a convenient accessory to the lifestyle of someone who has no regard for me as an individual person.
> 
> My only real hesitation at this point is that this is a friend, and I know the process is going to be painful. Basically just building up to the point where I grow a pair and tell her I'm done with this. I'm gonna play some video games, write some songs, do all the things I *should* already be doing. I want to buy a switch. Some retail therapy might help out.
> 
> Definitely in FML mode.


Why kind of switch? Nintendo? Cisco? Allparts?


----------



## TedEH

Nintendo of course! I've been going through Zelda games on the 2DS, but finished most of them. The only way to continue is with a switch. I don't have a choice, it's the only way.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> Well, that failed miserably. The details aren't important, but I can't make it to the end of a day without feeling miserable. I've become little more than a convenient accessory to the lifestyle of someone who has no regard for me as an individual person.
> 
> My only real hesitation at this point is that this is a friend, and I know the process is going to be painful. Basically just building up to the point where I grow a pair and tell her I'm done with this. I'm gonna play some video games, write some songs, do all the things I *should* already be doing. I want to buy a switch. Some retail therapy might help out.
> 
> Definitely in FML mode.



Sorry to hear that. It sounds like you're obviously more ready and serious than her. It takes two to make it work and you can't force love and maturity. Hopefully you two can stay friends and being optimistichopefully she matures a little bit and someday you two can give it another try. In the meantime try to stay positive and keep things civil.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

TedEH said:


> Well, that failed miserably. The details aren't important, but I can't make it to the end of a day without feeling miserable. I've become little more than a convenient accessory to the lifestyle of someone who has no regard for me as an individual person.
> 
> My only real hesitation at this point is that this is a friend, and I know the process is going to be painful. Basically just building up to the point where I grow a pair and tell her I'm done with this. I'm gonna play some video games, write some songs, do all the things I *should* already be doing. I want to buy a switch. Some retail therapy might help out.
> 
> Definitely in FML mode.


Time to keep doing you and take her off the priority list.If she comes around,she comes around.I wouldn't cut ties because one day she might become your bootycall or girlfriend(or whatever in between),but right now you can't be that.Set your sights elsewhere.


----------



## soliloquy

welp, my work just crumbled. 

back story: met someone 5 years ago. instantly connected on mental issue awareness, music, movies, politics, travel, art etc. everything great. 
she mentioned she had sever depression in the past, but it seems to be behind her. 
things are great. 2.5 years later, we marry, and get a house. 
during this time, i start picking up that her entire family has variations of depression and anxiety. 
i tried helping them through it as best as I can. 
things are still great. 

she starts drinking heavier and heavier. starts hating on me for being straight edge. I told her that i'm not going to stop her from drinking, unless its getting excessive, but i can voice my opinion on how she gets when she drinks. 

ignores me.

meets up with old highschool friends. they mention someone from her class having tons of potential yet all is wasted as he is suffering from alcoholism. she tried helping him. took him on as a personal project.
i explained to her that she is not a professional. His friends tried and failed multiple times over the last decade (since highschool), so she shouldn't have high expectations to help him either. 
he would start doing good for a few days/weeks, then relapse. each time he was doing good, he would ask for a reward. 
those asks quickly became demands. 
everytime he would relapse, she would drink with him. 
she ended up cheating on me with the guy.

we are on a vacation. I get an anonymous message of screen shots of conversations between them. 

i confronted. I'm obliterated. i'm lost. confused. mad. disgusted. wtf?

i cant sleep because it ends in nightmares. I cant stay awake because the nightmares are of her leaving me. I wake up and realize she technically did leave me. i cant eat because i keep throwing up. down 7 lbs in about 6 days. i keep hyperventilating. 

she said that it was never her intention. and that she has been suicidal, not because of what she did, but what she did to me. she has no complaints against me, and that she acknowledges that i have been putting the effort into the relationship for the last 5 years. and that she has been taking me for granted for the last 5 years as well. she has no idea why she did what she did. she wasn't attracted to him, and also acknowledges that most other women would kill to have a partner like me, and that i am what she calls a 'trophy husband'. 

i've supported her. i trusted her. i loved her. and all i asked for in return was honesty and respect. 

evidently i'm asking too much.

and it also sickens me that i cant fully be mad at her due to her personal demons she is fighting with. but at the same time, i know that that is no excuse to sleep with someone either. alcohol is not an excuse to sleep with someone either. 

i did kick her out to an air bnb for a few days while i sort my thoughts out fully. 

what am i fighting for? why have i been giving this relationship all this effort when i get this in return?

she says that she has signed up with therapy, and she wants to make it better and wants to make it work with me. but what am i getting out of this? 

i cant leave due to what it will do to both our families. i cant leave due to financial reasons. i am stuck emotionally, physically, mentally, locally, and everything else. i'm absolutely marooned here. I cant go talk to my friends about this because EVERY one of my friends absolutely adores her. maybe even more than they love me. 

i told her that i'm done catering to her. But in me not being able to tell anyone, i am by default, still protecting her. 

what am i getting out of this? 




TL; DR: married someone with mental illness. she cheated. i'm lost.


----------



## TedEH

Not gonna lie, that sounds infinitely worse than anything I'm dealing with right now. I'll give you the advice people keep giving me though: Focus on yourself first.

I ended up getting more detail about my own situation, and I'm not sure how to feel about it.
An attempt was made (a successful one I think?) to repair the friendship with best-friend-guy-who-doesn't-like-me, and now weekend plans are back in place. So she's going back out with this guy tonight. Here's the weird bit -> the confusion from the other day is that this guy apparently thought that HE was in some kind of poly relationship with her and was just waiting for me to be out of the picture, since he assumed I was just some kind of temporary exploration or something. So basically, this whole time I'm been saying "yeah, this guy is still into you" and she goes "nononono he's just a really good friend". Now he clearly thought something was going on. This doesn't make me feel better. Now that everything is finally clear to everyone, she's finally conceded that it makes sense that I was pushing for something vaguely like exclusivity, given how much time she's been spending with a dude who _very clearly_ wants her.
But apparently it makes HER feel much better, since they're going back out to some party tonight. (Noting that I'm still expressly not invited to anything that includes him, or that circle of friends.)

This conversation all happened as part of a sort of unintended/surprise visit (including the dog and enough things to stay the rest of the week) that was meant to cheer me up 'cause I was acting weird. At least I finally got one of those "nice nights" otherwise that I wanted. Got home. Made food quickly. Played some games. We watched a movie. Passed out. A simple, pleasant, non-dramatic night for a change.

I feel better. Not great, but better. But still not great.

When they leave, I'm gonna turn the brain off and deep dive into some video games. Then when they get back..... I dunno, maybe that's it?


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

Wonder where he got that idea. Wonder why she's not wanting to be committed. Wonder why she's now going out with this dude.

Man, just leave. It'll save you further, more crushing heartache in the long run.


----------



## TedEH

The short version of a long story is that I'm waiting at least long enough for her dog to no longer be in my apartment. I actually quite like that dog. I'm also trying really hard not to dive into that conversation while I'm in a confrontational state of mind - I would still like to have a friend when this is over.


----------



## c7spheres

soliloquy said:


> welp, my work just crumbled.
> 
> back story: met someone 5 years ago. instantly connected on mental issue awareness, music, movies, politics, travel, art etc. everything great.
> she mentioned she had sever depression in the past, but it seems to be behind her.
> things are great. 2.5 years later, we marry, and get a house.
> during this time, i start picking up that her entire family has variations of depression and anxiety.
> i tried helping them through it as best as I can.
> things are still great.
> 
> she starts drinking heavier and heavier. starts hating on me for being straight edge. I told her that i'm not going to stop her from drinking, unless its getting excessive, but i can voice my opinion on how she gets when she drinks.
> 
> ignores me.
> 
> meets up with old highschool friends. they mention someone from her class having tons of potential yet all is wasted as he is suffering from alcoholism. she tried helping him. took him on as a personal project.
> i explained to her that she is not a professional. His friends tried and failed multiple times over the last decade (since highschool), so she shouldn't have high expectations to help him either.
> he would start doing good for a few days/weeks, then relapse. each time he was doing good, he would ask for a reward.
> those asks quickly became demands.
> everytime he would relapse, she would drink with him.
> she ended up cheating on me with the guy.
> 
> we are on a vacation. I get an anonymous message of screen shots of conversations between them.
> 
> i confronted. I'm obliterated. i'm lost. confused. mad. disgusted. wtf?
> 
> i cant sleep because it ends in nightmares. I cant stay awake because the nightmares are of her leaving me. I wake up and realize she technically did leave me. i cant eat because i keep throwing up. down 7 lbs in about 6 days. i keep hyperventilating.
> 
> she said that it was never her intention. and that she has been suicidal, not because of what she did, but what she did to me. she has no complaints against me, and that she acknowledges that i have been putting the effort into the relationship for the last 5 years. and that she has been taking me for granted for the last 5 years as well. she has no idea why she did what she did. she wasn't attracted to him, and also acknowledges that most other women would kill to have a partner like me, and that i am what she calls a 'trophy husband'.
> 
> i've supported her. i trusted her. i loved her. and all i asked for in return was honesty and respect.
> 
> evidently i'm asking too much.
> 
> and it also sickens me that i cant fully be mad at her due to her personal demons she is fighting with. but at the same time, i know that that is no excuse to sleep with someone either. alcohol is not an excuse to sleep with someone either.
> 
> i did kick her out to an air bnb for a few days while i sort my thoughts out fully.
> 
> what am i fighting for? why have i been giving this relationship all this effort when i get this in return?
> 
> she says that she has signed up with therapy, and she wants to make it better and wants to make it work with me. but what am i getting out of this?
> 
> i cant leave due to what it will do to both our families. i cant leave due to financial reasons. i am stuck emotionally, physically, mentally, locally, and everything else. i'm absolutely marooned here. I cant go talk to my friends about this because EVERY one of my friends absolutely adores her. maybe even more than they love me.
> 
> i told her that i'm done catering to her. But in me not being able to tell anyone, i am by default, still protecting her.
> 
> what am i getting out of this?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> TL; DR: married someone with mental illness. she cheated. i'm lost.



Very unfortanate to hear this. This stuff is never an easy fix. What I could say though is a few points.
- You obviously love her so you put up with more than you would from others. You have history with substantial substance. And that goes a long way.
- The fact she has admitted her mistakes and has taken action upon herself to correct it is a very good thing. It shows she is sincere about being sorry and wants to make it right. I would just make sure that she actually does the therapy, and doesn't fall backwards into the same habits. The issue now with a violation of the sanctity of the realtionship is how to and if she can regain your trust. This will probably be the hardest thing and she needs to realize that you need to call the shots on how this will be done, wether not allowing her to see certain people and your being able to verify what she's doing etc. She has wounded your security and you need to be able to contorl that in order for her to gain it back. This can take years to regain this and a point may come where she thinks it's not necessary anymore and you still do leading to arguments. Try to prepare for this type of thing. 
- You both should possibly isolate yourselves from potential dangers (people, substances etc) so you can both focus on being a couple again, take it slow, and get all the communication and feelings into the open. This way there's no distractions or temptations. 
- I wouldn't involve your freinds or family. Make this a personal issue for you and her to deal with in your own agreed way. You may want to stay away from them for awhile and if the topic comes up just thank them for asking and being concerned but let them know it's a personal matter between you and her. 
- When you ask what are you getting out of this. It's up to you to decide that. Is your two's past history worth salvaging and continuing? Is it worth the efffort to go through all this? Is she sincere about you two continuing on and so forth. It might not be a time to ask what you're getting out of it right now, but maybe a time to just try your best to help your other half and deal with this crisis selflessly. After things have settled down more mybe re-evaluate then. When you're in a better state of mind. Re-evaluate it when you're not upset or emotionlly stressed by her actions etc. When you're in love with her again then really reevaluate it.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

TedEH said:


> The short version of a long story is that I'm waiting at least long enough for her dog to no longer be in my apartment. I actually quite like that dog. I'm also trying really hard not to dive into that conversation while I'm in a confrontational state of mind - I would still like to have a friend when this is over.


I think I should clarify that being friends or acquaintances is best case scenario.If you have to cut her off,so be it.The more you keep talking and revealing more about this situation,the stronger I feel you should move on and stop wasting your time.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> Not gonna lie, that sounds infinitely worse than anything I'm dealing with right now. I'll give you the advice people keep giving me though: Focus on yourself first.
> 
> I ended up getting more detail about my own situation, and I'm not sure how to feel about it.
> An attempt was made (a successful one I think?) to repair the friendship with best-friend-guy-who-doesn't-like-me, and now weekend plans are back in place. So she's going back out with this guy tonight. Here's the weird bit -> the confusion from the other day is that this guy apparently thought that HE was in some kind of poly relationship with her and was just waiting for me to be out of the picture, since he assumed I was just some kind of temporary exploration or something. So basically, this whole time I'm been saying "yeah, this guy is still into you" and she goes "nononono he's just a really good friend". Now he clearly thought something was going on. This doesn't make me feel better. Now that everything is finally clear to everyone, she's finally conceded that it makes sense that I was pushing for something vaguely like exclusivity, given how much time she's been spending with a dude who _very clearly_ wants her.
> But apparently it makes HER feel much better, since they're going back out to some party tonight. (Noting that I'm still expressly not invited to anything that includes him, or that circle of friends.)
> 
> This conversation all happened as part of a sort of unintended/surprise visit (including the dog and enough things to stay the rest of the week) that was meant to cheer me up 'cause I was acting weird. At least I finally got one of those "nice nights" otherwise that I wanted. Got home. Made food quickly. Played some games. We watched a movie. Passed out. A simple, pleasant, non-dramatic night for a change.
> 
> I feel better. Not great, but better. But still not great.
> 
> When they leave, I'm gonna turn the brain off and deep dive into some video games. Then when they get back..... I dunno, maybe that's it?


 Something weird with this best-friend-guy-who-doesn't-like-me guy. Why don't he like you? Why doesn't your girl make an effort to get you two to meet up at one of these partys and get along together? Something wierd with this. Unfortunately, if I were to speculate it sounds like this girl is playing you and the other guy until she decides which one she likes best or something. If she knows he's got a problem with you and you're a good guy then she should be telling that other guy that you're an ok dude and she wants you there at the party with her or she should be just staying with you for the night and not going out. Prioritys. People generally do what they actually want to be doing. I hate to speculate but it sounds like you may be getting played. It's not impossible there is some perfectly plausible explanation, but there's usually not, ime. I hope it works out still for you two though.


----------



## TedEH

Obsidian Soul said:


> I think I should clarify that being friends or acquaintances is best case scenario.If you have to cut her off,so be it.The more you keep talking and revealing more about this situation,the stronger I feel you should move on and stop wasting your time.


No, I agree, the longer I put this off, the worse the situation will be. I was caught off guard by her showing up with the dog and every intent to stay for the rest of the week. I need to be in the right headspace and prepared, and I was not. I fully understand what you mean though. (I think.) I've done a lot of shooting myself in the foot with this one.



c7spheres said:


> Something weird with this best-friend-guy-who-doesn't-like-me guy. Why don't he like you?


Not sure if you've been following my posts, but basically -> they have a history (benefits) that ended when I entered the picture. He thought they were in a poly relationship of some kind and that I was just a temporary thing.



c7spheres said:


> Prioritys.


Absolutely.


----------



## TedEH

I have all of this sort of relationship-y energy and confidence and would much rather invest that into myself or into someone who is going to return the favor.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> Not sure if you've been following my posts, but basically -> they have a history (benefits) that ended when I entered the picture. He thought they were in a poly relationship of some kind and that I was just a temporary thing.
> 
> 
> Absolutely.



- Oh, ok. I've been following, but honestly have forgot many of the details. I should have gone back and read again for clarity. Sorry about that.
- I think you need to get some clarity from her and also from this guy. Definitely don't take a 3rd pty's info with any weight though, even if trust them. If it's to much energy to invest in something that you truely believe could be something more than temporary then you may actually just need something temporary or nothing at all, if tht makes sense. I totally agree though. If she isn't being straight and reciprocating then it's not worth it at this time at least. Again, I hope it all goes well and everything works out for you.


----------



## TedEH

My honest take right at the moment is that nothing is really happening, nobody is cheating, etc., but I think the level of emotional maturity being brought to the table, along with differences in what we want, and the inability to commit or invest equally in a relationship right now is enough reason to call it.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> My honest take right at the moment is that nothing is really happening, nobody is cheating, etc., but I think the level of emotional maturity being brought to the table, along with differences in what we want, and the inability to commit or invest equally in a relationship right now is enough reason to call it.



- You gotta do what's best for you. It's not worth it to put energy into something if the other person isn't doing their part. It takes two, as the saying goes. You can only bring it to attention and give as many opportunities as you see fit until you let go. 
- The only thing I would say is not to walk away until you're comfortable in saying to yourself you've done everything you can and did your part, gave ample leniency and opportuny, and truely exhausted every avenue you could reasonably give to the relationship that it deserved to make it work. That way you won't have any regrets when walking away and you won't be as sad about the situation, making it easier to move on. 
- I've left relationships when I was younger and looking back I can see myself as being a little petty about certain things. Things I would easily have no problem putting up with nowadays compared to then. Sometimes I think maybe I passed up a good thing because of my impatience and selfishness. 
- I'm just saying, give it more serious thought, even after you've made your decision. Sometimes things aren't as big a deal as they might seem, but it does sound like she needs to accomodate you more as a partner. Both people need to bend and it sounds like you're doing your part.


----------



## TedEH

Today was not a great day. Basically ended up mirroring the weekend before where I was promised to see lady-of-undefined-relationship by a specific time, and that time missed by a long shot, then things got messy.

This weekend was another party with best-friend-who-hates-me, which started at 2am and ended at 10am. This meant a 2 hour drive home, then to my place. I was told 1pm-ish. I had said "that's not likely to happen on time", but she was very adamant it would happen this time. I had replied with "you show up when you show up". Around 11:30 I get a message from roommate saying that they're almost back in town but she has lost her phone. I ask "are they still on the road?" and I get a "yes". Ok, so a bit more waiting, but hey- this is making decent time. To clarify -> roommate is not with them. Best-friend messaged roommate who messaged me. 

Fast forward to about 4:30pm and I've heard nothing. I'm 0% surprised, and decide that I'm going to go buy a switch, cause fvck it, I want one, and it would be nice to get something I want for a change.

On the way back , it's about 10 to 5, and my phone goes off.... I have an email? Email says she tried to reach me but couldn't think of anything but email since the phone hadn't been found. I message roommate and ask whats going on- apparently she just got in and was trying to email me? I'm told to just go back and reply to the email.

I'm not going to have this conversation via email of all things. He has a phone, in his hand, that she can call/text/whatever with. Took some convincing, but he eventually hands his phone over so we can talk.

I get some clarification about the timeline of events from this day:
Apparently, they _were_ actually in town that early and the phone was lost. Someone used an app of some kind to locate that the last time the phone was on was at a gas station they had gone to before leaving, so she had gone there. Searching for the phone apparently was panicked and frantic and they lost track of the time, and gave up around 3, at which point she heads to my place. At 3, I wasn't expecting anyone so I had been playing music. She knocked but I can't hear her over the amp (It's a Mark IV into a 4x12). I did actually hear a noise, and got up to investigate at one point, but when I got to the door, nobody was there. At this point, she thought I had done this on purpose and just ignored her, so she sat in the car in my parking lot until almost 4 before going home and trying to contact me again.

So now we're stuck talking via facebook messenger on her roommates phone and I offer that either one of us can drive to the other to have the conversation and she opts to just finish the conversation via text.... because.... I don't know why. We talk though everything going on. We dance around how we're both frustrated and don't want the same things, and that she's not ready for a relationship right now. It's pretty clear from the conversation that we're done.

It's rough though. I feel like garbage and it feels like I'm giving up something that I do want on some level.
I basically said lets get some rest and finish the conversation tomorrow. She says that's not going to change anything, I say it doesn't have to. I mostly don't want to end on such a bad note. And lets not kid ourselves, I could use a fucking hug. We'll get some rest. We'll let things sink in. We'll meet up tomorrow in person, and I assume that'll basically be a sort of goodbye for now.

I hope I'm doing the right thing.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

That lingering deal is what gave me the creepy crawlies. Seriously... should rip it like a band-aid because dragging it out is sincerely not doing anyone any good. The way that relationships end doesn't matter much in the bigger picture anyway. Btw... I felt bad for you as I was reading all of that because you're putting so much energy into all of this and it's just complete bullshit. 

I'm sorry, man... I really am. Strength, dude.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> I hope I'm doing the right thing.



I think you are doing the right thing. There's obviously no reason to end a relationship because of bad scheduling and not being able to make it on time to an appointment or date, but as you were saying she's not ready. This was probably her way of not being ready and trying to hint at that or testing the waters on how lax you are etc. I hope you two can stay freinds and over time work things out, get on the same page and maybe after she matures a bit give it another try. Good people are worth it.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

I'd rather fuck the PCB of a Mrak IV than deal with this girl drama. Just a thought. 

I'd literally subject myself to high voltage by touching tip to the inside of the Mrak IV and enjoy the ride across the room and into the wall than have to put up with this wacky shit. Let her best friend or whatever the fuck he is/isn't deal with her shit.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

High Plains Drifter said:


> Btw... I felt bad for you as I was reading all of that because you're putting so much energy into all of this and it's just complete bullshit.


This. Fuck her and her "best friend." I doubt he puts nearly this much into it. I hope they enjoy each other.



c7spheres said:


> I think you are doing the right thing. There's obviously no reason to end a relationship because of bad scheduling and not being able to make it on time to an appointment or date, but as you were saying she's not ready. This was probably her way of not being ready and trying to hint at that or testing the waters on how lax you are etc. I hope you two can stay freinds and over time work things out, get on the same page and maybe after she matures a bit give it another try. Good people are worth it.


I know you're just trying to cheer Ted up, and he's good people and deserves it, but... I don't get "good people" vibes from this chick. If all she wanted was someone she could be with at her convenience, then perhaps she should've gotten herself a FWB instead.

Sorry to be so blunt, but I've dealt with some pretty weird, shitty exes in the past and I don't think Ted -- from the little I know him -- deserves this shit. I would put up with bs in the past, but I currently have a girlfriend that means the world to me, and I intend to keep her, come hell or high water because she is worth it. 

This chick, however, does not seem worth the effort. And yeah, I know I'm missing lots of context and details about her, but still.


----------



## c7spheres

Spaced Out Ace said:


> This. Fuck her and her "best friend." I doubt he puts nearly this much into it. I hope they enjoy each other.
> 
> 
> I know you're just trying to cheer Ted up, and he's good people and deserves it, but... I don't get "good people" vibes from this chick. If all she wanted was someone she could be with at her convenience, then perhaps she should've gotten herself a FWB instead.
> 
> Sorry to be so blunt, but I've dealt with some pretty weird, shitty exes in the past and I don't think Ted -- from the little I know him -- deserves this shit. I would put up with bs in the past, but I currently have a girlfriend that means the world to me, and I intend to keep her, come hell or high water because she is worth it.
> 
> This chick, however, does not seem worth the effort. And yeah, I know I'm missing lots of context and details about her, but still.


- Yeh, I hear you. I've been through this stuff too, but for some reason I'm still the hopeless romantic type : )
- I think trying to preserve the freindship is important if there was somthing there. Sometimes things can work out in the future when the timing is better. Even if not there's always the FWB if desired between the people.


----------



## TedEH

While I wouldn't normally say that crowdsourced relationship advice from the internet is the way to go, I do think you guys have generally the right idea. It's just stuff that's difficult to implement once someone is right in front of your face.

At this point I'm basically in salvage-the-friendship mode, rather than expecting to get the relationship back. I don't expect she's ever going to change in such a way that would make her ready for the kind of relationship I want. I won't say it's impossible, but I think it's very unlikely. Her and best-friend-guy used to do the whole FWB thing, I imagine they'll go back to that, but I'd rather not think too much about it.

What makes it hard for me I suppose is knowing that I'm probably going back to just being me, alone in my apartment most days, just sort of doing my own thing for.... I dunno how long. I'm gonna have to find some excuses to get out and be social.


----------



## TedEH

I don't know what it says about my social life that my outlet for these kind of things, and my source of advice has been.... a guitar forum.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

c7spheres said:


> I think you are doing the right thing. There's obviously no reason to end a relationship because of bad scheduling and not being able to make it on time to an appointment or date, but as you were saying she's not ready. This was probably her way of not being ready and trying to hint at that or testing the waters on how lax you are etc. I hope you two can stay freinds and over time work things out, get on the same page and maybe after she matures a bit give it another try. Good people are worth it.



The issue that I have with what you're suggesting is that:

a.) as a friendship, the girl ( from what we know/ what's been written) seemingly has no character. That not only makes for a shitty g/f but for a shitty friend as well. She's not someone that I feel appreciates the aspects of a sincere relationship. Yeah that may change and probably will to some degree as she gets older BUT... 

b.) as for a future relationship... why? With the shaky foundation that's already been established, I believe that a potential future relationship might develop with underlying issues... especially when "things get rough"... and all relationships go thru rough spots. If it were me anyway, at the first sign of what would normally not be a big deal ( like she's late to meet me or doesn't want to hang out today or whatever other situation) I'm afraid that I'd have this suspicion in the back of my mind that there's something she's not telling me/ something she's not being honest about. Not being ready for a committed relationship shouldn't be an automatic "pass" to treating someone indifferently/ like shit. 

@ TedEH- I've seen/ offered/ been offered a lot of relationship advice on other forums and this community is really pretty impressive when it comes to looking at things from varying perspectives and offering up some pretty solid thoughts. I think that SSO overall has a collectively sound take on these kinds of things. Not the worst place to get some feedback.


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## TedEH

I don't know if I've ever sort of "formalized" it, in a "putting it into words" way, but generally speaking, I don't normally do the whole maybe-another-time thing. Once I split from someone, I count that is being final. There would have to be a pretty drastic change before I would try something like that.

I mean, there's always exceptions - I've done it before, sort of - it was more of a "take a break" situation than a split, and things lasted another couple of years after that. But once you reach that point of wanting out, I think it's safe to say that things are doomed. You can't re-enter a relationship with that kind of resentment in your history and expect things to go smoothly.


----------



## p0ke

TedEH said:


> I don't know what it says about my social life that my outlet for these kind of things, and my source of advice has been.... a guitar forum.



I think this is a perfectly fine place for an outlet and advice - after all, we've all got at least seven things in common 
On a more serious note, I think these kinds of things are much easier to discuss anonymously than with someone you actually know IRL. Plus there's actually some really good advice and empathy here.

Also, another hopeless romantic here - but given the latest developments, it sounds like there isn't much to salvage there. Best of luck with trying to keep the friendship, but I suspect it's going to be awkward at best...

Regarding the "have to force yourself to be social" thing: I wouldn't worry too much. Just keep an open mind and things will happen when they're supposed to. If you know the movie Yes Man, that's basically what I did (not that religiously though ) and ended up finding my wife.


----------



## c7spheres

High Plains Drifter said:


> The issue that I have with what you're suggesting is that:
> 
> a.) as a friendship, the girl ( from what we know/ what's been written) seemingly has no character. That not only makes for a shitty g/f but for a shitty friend as well. She's not someone that I feel appreciates the aspects of a sincere relationship. Yeah that may change and probably will to some degree as she gets older BUT...
> 
> b.) as for a future relationship... why? With the shaky foundation that's already been established, I believe that a potential future relationship might develop with underlying issues... especially when "things get rough"... and all relationships go thru rough spots. If it were me anyway, at the first sign of what would normally not be a big deal ( like she's late to meet me or doesn't want to hang out today or whatever other situation) I'm afraid that I'd have this suspicion in the back of my mind that there's something she's not telling me/ something she's not being honest about. Not being ready for a committed relationship shouldn't be an automatic "pass" to treating someone indifferently/ like shit.
> 
> @ TedEH- I've seen/ offered/ been offered a lot of relationship advice on other forums and this community is really pretty impressive when it comes to looking at things from varying perspectives and offering up some pretty solid thoughts. I think that SSO overall has a collectively sound take on these kinds of things. Not the worst place to get some feedback.



I understand where you're coming from. I think it's good for everyone to give their perspective so people asking for input can have different options to ponder. I'm obviously much more laid back and easy going about certain things and always hope for the best, try to retain freindships if possible etc. I do believe that under other circumstances things can work out in the future or that given time people can gain perspective and grow more mature, SOMETIMES. I'm just saying that when looking at the big picture, this type of stuff is more of an adjustment period phase and two people getting in sync. It can take time for it to happen, and for people to break old habits, but if it ultimately doesn't then maybe consider it disrespectful and think twice. It's really just what an individual considers crossing the line compared to another. Some people are pretty lenient and others are not. It's just whatever works best for that person.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> I don't know what it says about my social life that my outlet for these kind of things, and my source of advice has been.... a guitar forum.


 I think it's a great way to keep things anonymous to your circle of freinds and family, but still get advise or input from people you are still familiar with and comfortable talking to.


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## TedEH

The story is officially over at this point, I guess. I went over last night like I said I would. I brought over the things she had left at my place, and had intended to collect my things and go. Instead we went for a long-ish walk, got some coffee - it was actually a nice night in that sense. I ended up staying until the morning but maybe I shouldn't have. I made the point that once I leave I probably won't be back for a good while, so it was sort of this sentiment of trying to enjoy as much of eachothers company as was available before we inevitably had to be at work or something. Slept through the alarm though. Rushed out the door, but made it to work on time.

I guess that's it. I'm going strait home after work, there's no intention to go back there any time soon, and where we stand has been made very clear. Also, with no phone, there's no easy way for either of us to contact eachother for a while anyway.

I made a point of going back to the place I used to stop for coffee before work. Get the old routine going again. I see a lot of video games in my near future.

Thanks for the support/advice, guys.


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

TedEH said:


> The story is officially over at this point, I guess.



Yeah...I'm happy, and sad, to hear this.
As soon as I saw that her reaction to that was to then go out to a party with this guy, where you are explicitly not invited, I couldn't sit on the fence anymore. Leaving was definitely the right call.

I put up with that bullshit for 5 years. I had this ex that secretly (to me, anyway) dated my friend for 2 years before switching to me. It was a strange time where the three of us were all friends but didn't see each other often, so I never really got the chance to notice anything. I was not made aware of this until a couple months after we got together, and then I learned that she didn't leave him until we had already been together for a couple weeks.

I tried to be the adult in the room and keep everyone civil, move forward, and continue to be friends, but he just wasn't having it. He kept trying to take her back. He would try and do the whole 'big dick in the locker room' routine whenever the three of us were together, I'd be at the butt of every joke of his, just your standard basic bitch passive aggressive behavior. She refused to recognize what he was doing.

He even tried to talk her into going on vacation with him, and _*asked her not to tell me*_, and she still didn't buy that he was still trying to get in her pants. Once I heard about this, I decided it was ultimatum time, and she 'chose' me, and we told him not to contact us again. They kept hanging out behind my back for the next 4 years. I caught her multiple times, and every time, she would let loose this deluge of tears and apologize that she didn't appreciate what she had and didn't want to throw things away over something so stupid, and every time I let her slide because she meant so much to me and I desperately wanted to believe her. Whether she ever actually cheated on me or not, I'll never know; but she may as well have. The constant uncertainty and sense of unease was overwhelming. I couldn't listen to her tell me she loved me without wondering if she was sincere. Not to mention how oftentimes you feel like 'the bad guy' for trying to pull her away from a friend. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and left. Nobody in that entire circle of friends talks to each other anymore because of it, save for the guy's cousin, who I'm still best friends with.

I wouldn't ever wish that hell on anybody, and it sounds like that was the exact ride you were in for. I seriously can't tell you how glad for you I am that you recognized that and pressed eject.



soliloquy said:


> welp, my work just crumbled.



I don't mean to sound insensitive, but you absolutely can be mad at her. She took a vow. Marriage is a commitment. It is not a venture you stumble into without a sound understanding of who you are, who your partner is, what your collective needs are, and how to handle yourself. I get it, she's not in a good place, and that's caused some friction in your house- but that doesn't get her out of her commitments.

The real question is, do you believe her?

To circle back to my life's story up above, I saw a lot of stuff like this:


> she said that it was never her intention. and that she has been suicidal, not because of what she did, but what she did to me. she has no complaints against me, and that she acknowledges that i have been putting the effort into the relationship for the last 5 years. and that she has been taking me for granted for the last 5 years as well. she has no idea why she did what she did. she wasn't attracted to him, and also acknowledges that most other women would kill to have a partner like me, and that i am what she calls a 'trophy husband'.



Desperate strings of promises and praise designed to leverage the feelings you have for her into letting it go.
Are they true? Maybe. The only one who knows for sure is her. YOU need to decide if YOU believe this. If you think she'll stick by these words, remember them, and make the right changes in her life.

Marriage is a game of compromises and will always have work, so if you believe her, and you think she's genuinely remorseful and will put in the work to move past this, you owe it to her to give her that chance and try to make things work. That was your part of that commitment. However....if you doubt her, you are well within your rights to pump the brakes and hold her to account. Because this:


> i cant leave due to what it will do to both our families. i cant leave due to financial reasons. i am stuck emotionally, physically, mentally, locally, and everything else. i'm absolutely marooned here. *I cant go talk to my friends about this because EVERY one of my friends absolutely adores her. maybe even more than they love me.*


...is bogus. You can always leave. It will be rough. People will be upset. But nobody has the right to dictate to you how you live your life. Financial reasons be damned; sell the house, divide the assets, and live in a cheap apartment if you need to. It's a shitty option having to scale down your quality of life, but it absolutely is an option. Especially the bolded part, man; don't do that to yourself. It really disheartens me to see how little credit so many people give their friends. Good friends live for moments like this. I don't even know you dude but I'd offer you my couch, an ear, and a beer for as long as you need- these people that are an integral part of your life care and I'd bet cold hard cash that they would want to help you through this, regardless of how they feel about her.

One other thing I would caution is to avoid this line of thinking:


> she says that she has signed up with therapy, and she wants to make it better and wants to make it work with me. but what am i getting out of this?



A wife, dumbass. Said with love, bro. Right now the main concern is your guys' relationship. If that's something that you want in your life, the best thing you can do for yourself is to work for it.
That said, either route you take....I get it. I'm so sorry dude. I can't imagine how you must feel.


----------



## KnightBrolaire

@TedEH 
fuck being friends with her. burn that bridge asap. don't hang around toxic people.


----------



## TedEH

KnightBrolaire said:


> @TedEH
> fuck being friends with her. burn that bridge asap. don't hang around toxic people.


So, when I was last over there, we had left on a good note, I think. I had stuck around one last night. Got cuddly, but nothing more than that, and continued talking so never really got any sleep. No sleep means slept through the alarms, and I felt bad so I drove her to work (since she would have never made it on time otherwise). At the point I figured everything was cool. A clean split, nobody is mad, etc.

I get an email part way through the day - "this is my work email if you want to reach me during the day", since the phone was dead. Followed up immediately with "sorry, I guess I should give you some space and not message". I reply that it's fine to keep in some amount of contact, I'm not just going to cut off all communication.

At that point, I ended the email with something like "I still recommend getting something to eat lol". There's some backstory/context to that one because she clearly has an eating disorder but is in denial about it. She hadn't had anything to eat at all in about 4 days, including during this party, etc. I meant it to be funny, and a bit of a callback to a conversation from before about how I figured I was being a good influence in a way. But also some amount of concern, because I'm well aware of what it's like to have that eating disorder and I can see bad things in her future if she doesn't course correct.

Reply I get - "gonna have to ask you to lay off about my eating habits". 

...... You know what, fvck that. I tried to show some concern and be friendly right of the bat. And that's what I get in response. Ya know.... you're right KnightBro. I need not spend any effort keeping that bridge from burning. I didn't even reply.

I played some Breath of the Wild instead today. It was nice. Moral of the story: Be good to yourself, 'cause someone's gatta do it.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> ... Moral of the story: Be good to yourself, 'cause someone's gatta do it.



That's a great take away from this man. I'm sorry it's come to that stage with you two. I can understand that she'd be upset about you mentioning it and asking you to lay off though, but at the same time she should have a sense of humor about it. I guess she knows it's serious and honestly needed to hear it since she's upset about it. She's not ready for you and to get serious about herself, let alone someone else too. I'd still try to stay freinds with her personally but maybe give her some space. Sorry it didn't work out TedEh. Best of luck in the future.


----------



## Charlie Foxtrot 3rd

Sorry to hear about the split TedEh, take care of you for a bit. I tried to stay friends with a girl I dated for a year but that was harder than ending the relationship and so it was best for us both to move on. Chin up.


----------



## soliloquy

guys, i cant stress enough how much i appreciate you all. 
the support from online groups is immense, and getting this stuff off my chest is helping. How much, I cant say. But at least I have my appetite back. Its still not 100%. But at least I'm not throwing up any longer. I am down about 8 lbs in about week and a half. 

now i need a remedy for the nightmares, and hopefully I can sleep. Haven't had a single night where I stayed sleeping through out the night in about 2 weeks now. 

this is such a disaster. 

And again, as someone who doens't have any mental illnesses (that I know of), if someone with depression goes through even a portion of this on a daily bases, kudos to you. I'm struggling to do anything. I am terrified of driving as I am sleepy, and may pass out behind the wheel, so I'm walking mostly or relying on the transit system. Im having a difficult time getting out of bed. Its messing up everything I'm doing or thinking or feeling. As such, my heart goes out to her if that his what she is feeling. It also hurts that I know she's hurting as well, but I cant be there for her during this time. we need to fix ourselves first before we fix our relationship.


----------



## TedEH

I went back and re-read your previous post, since I was too wrapped up in my own nonsense to really pay attention to anyone else.
This is what I took from the whole thing:


soliloquy said:


> met someone 5 years ago





soliloquy said:


> she cheated





soliloquy said:


> I'm obliterated



I'm of the opinion that this kind of breach of trust is unforgivable. If I was in your shoes, I'd be trying to look at this as a opportunity to redefine yourself as an independent person. I've never met you but I'm willing to bet you deserve better than that. Decide who you are and what you're about, and leave no room in your life for anyone who doesn't support that. So you're married? So what. Modern marriages don't mean anything. People divorce all the time.

Am I exaggerating a bit? Absolutely. Am I in a weird "fvck everyone who isn't on my page" mode? Yeah, also that. But there are worse frames of mind to be in. Be the best version of yourself that you can, play some guitar, stay hydrated, I dunno. Be good to yourself, that's what I feel like I keep coming back to.


----------



## Drew

TedEH said:


> I don't know what it says about my social life that my outlet for these kind of things, and my source of advice has been.... a guitar forum.


 

I laugh, because I met and made some pretty good IRL friends through this place and some of them have absolutely been rocks for me in some pretty dark times. Friends come in the strangest of places, man. If god forbid you're ever in Boston and still need an ear, look me up for a beer or two.


----------



## TedEH

You laugh, but legit, sometimes this site makes up more than half of my social life.  I'd legit meet and have a beer or whatever else with a number of people here.

It's been a slow week. I know it wasn't even that long of a relationship/thing, but re-adjusting is a bit rough. You get used to waking up with someone there every day- then suddenly strait into spending all non-work-time alone, not even a text or something here or there. Got real quiet real quick. There's a definite sense of loss that goes with it. Landing somewhere in the middle would have been nice, if that was even possible.

Maybe this is the right time to start looking up some old friends/acquaintances and just catching up. Go be social, but in a way that involves no attachment to anything. Just chill with some people then go home.


----------



## Five Ten

soliloquy said:


> guys, i cant stress enough how much i appreciate you all.
> the support from online groups is immense, and getting this stuff off my chest is helping. How much, I cant say. But at least I have my appetite back. Its still not 100%. But at least I'm not throwing up any longer. I am down about 8 lbs in about week and a half.
> 
> now i need a remedy for the nightmares, and hopefully I can sleep. Haven't had a single night where I stayed sleeping through out the night in about 2 weeks now.
> 
> this is such a disaster.
> 
> And again, as someone who doens't have any mental illnesses (that I know of), if someone with depression goes through even a portion of this on a daily bases, kudos to you. I'm struggling to do anything. I am terrified of driving as I am sleepy, and may pass out behind the wheel, so I'm walking mostly or relying on the transit system. Im having a difficult time getting out of bed. Its messing up everything I'm doing or thinking or feeling. As such, my heart goes out to her if that his what she is feeling. It also hurts that I know she's hurting as well, but I cant be there for her during this time. we need to fix ourselves first before we fix our relationship.



I have been through a large part of what you are going through. We were not married, but the relationship was ten years. I am also in part your wife in that I have nasty depression, among other mental hangups, among which I feel alcohol dependency might be coming into play lately. Gave serious attempts at suicide a couple times in fact. My ex left me seemingly out of the blue, to the point where she was moving back home, a different country mind you, with only a weeks notice leaving me with the financial hole we sort of dug for ourselves. She had legitimate complaints about me, and I do not exactly hold any bad feelings at this point in my life, and it has only been about 2 years. We are actually still friends, and are both in sort of good places.

There are a few bits of information or advice that I can share, having experienced something sort of similar to you. First pertains to this quote.



> and it also sickens me that i cant fully be mad at her due to her personal demons she is fighting with.



You can for sure be one hundred percent mad at someone despite their demons. Being depressed or an alcoholic does not give a person the right to manipulate, guilt trip, or make someone else feel like shit. It does not absolve someone of the blame that they deserve. This is something I fight with a lot. It is one thing to share what makes you upset, but it is not an excuse to cheat on someone you love. You can not say "I am sorry I cheated, but I was feeling really icky and I do not know what I was thinking." I have diverted many arguments me and my ex used to have using some form of, "I do not want to talk about that right now, I am feeling like shit." Basically, I would avoid difficult situations using my illness as an excuse. I am still depressed, but I have learned that it is not okay to expect people to treat me with undue respect just because I have issues, and avoiding/pawning off difficult situations is a problem in and of itself. If I cheated on her, I would deserve nothing but scorn.

I have moved on from her, I have zero romantic feelings for her. I still have nightmares or, more accurately, bad dreams where she is there and my current partner is not. I wake up in a dread fairly frequently. Maybe it is different for others, but when someone is a large part of your life, it may just be impossible to completely remove them from your life entirely. Time will help, and you say it's been two weeks. Two weeks is not long enough to shake off the last 5 or so years. You will feel like shit for a while. To get through things, I buried my face in video games to distract myself. I hung around other friends more, and even moved in with my best friend since 6th grade. Sleep was the hardest thing to get back, and I still fight with it now and again, but it's something that mostly came back none the less. For what it is worth, cheating is one of those things that is unforgivable to me. I would be fixing to end the relationship no matter what at this point. It is hard to think about or even entertain the idea of, but someone who cheats especially for no real reason (my ex cheated because I was emotionally neglecting her and avoiding the hard discussions) is not a trustworthy person.

In short, things are going to suck for a while. Do not expect years long relationships to vanish from your mind quickly, or ever really entirely. Take your victories as they come. Getting your appetite back is huge, and it is an amazing first step. I was different in that I wouldn't get sick until after I ate. I would depression binge, then think too much then barf it all up. People were starting to think I was bulimic, which was not the case. Being able to eat and not throw up was my first real victory.

tl;dr Take your victories as they come, and don't expect things to be easy for a while. 5 years is a long time, and you can not physically be over it in a short time. Force yourself to do things you enjoy doing. Video games, playing guitar, listening to music, go to concerts, talk to friends. Sometimes you might have to fight to make yourself do it, but if you can lose yourself in it, you would be surprised at how much fun you end up having and how quickly time passes. Passed time means you are further from your current frame of mind. I am also not sure this is terribly relevant, but this is from the perspective of a woman. It should not mean a lot, but I know men/women like to band together saying "all men/women are evil." I can assure you, given your side of the story, I can not imagine how she is not at fault almost entirely, and you should not shoulder undeserved guilt.

To end on, and I will put it in it's own little paragraph as it is very important. Do not think you need to do it on your own. Sometimes venting will help, and it is even more helpful if you speak to a professional. Therapists, at the very least, will have unbiased perspective. They know to ask certain questions, and the real time feedback can be immeasurably helpful. I recommend it if it is something you are capable of doing.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> You laugh, but legit, sometimes this site makes up more than half of my social life.  I'd legit meet and have a beer or whatever else with a number of people here.
> 
> It's been a slow week. I know it wasn't even that long of a relationship/thing, but re-adjusting is a bit rough. You get used to waking up with someone there every day- then suddenly strait into spending all non-work-time alone, not even a text or something here or there. Got real quiet real quick. There's a definite sense of loss that goes with it. Landing somewhere in the middle would have been nice, if that was even possible.
> 
> Maybe this is the right time to start looking up some old friends/acquaintances and just catching up. Go be social, but in a way that involves no attachment to anything. Just chill with some people then go home.


No offense, as I also don't have much of a life (being a college student has me pretty busy), but I suggest making a strong effort to go places. And not just the same place on a routine, either. Go out to shows, gain new interests, make yourself even more interesting than you currently are. Eventually, some fine lady is bound to notice, and you'll be looking back a year or two from now wondering why you were putting up with such nonsense. Lemme tell you why: So you won't put up with such nonsense in the future; even failures and experiences that do not meet your expectations can teach you something if you're willing to allow it to. Just keep that in mind, and realize you're worth better and shouldn't have to put up with second best.

EDIT: By the way, I used "failures" above because I know that can tend to be how someone looks at something like this as I've been there and done that before.


----------



## Steinmetzify

TedEH said:


> So, when I was last over there, we had left on a good note, I think. I had stuck around one last night. Got cuddly, but nothing more than that, and continued talking so never really got any sleep. No sleep means slept through the alarms, and I felt bad so I drove her to work (since she would have never made it on time otherwise). At the point I figured everything was cool. A clean split, nobody is mad, etc.
> 
> I get an email part way through the day - "this is my work email if you want to reach me during the day", since the phone was dead. Followed up immediately with "sorry, I guess I should give you some space and not message". I reply that it's fine to keep in some amount of contact, I'm not just going to cut off all communication.
> 
> At that point, I ended the email with something like "I still recommend getting something to eat lol". There's some backstory/context to that one because she clearly has an eating disorder but is in denial about it. She hadn't had anything to eat at all in about 4 days, including during this party, etc. I meant it to be funny, and a bit of a callback to a conversation from before about how I figured I was being a good influence in a way. But also some amount of concern, because I'm well aware of what it's like to have that eating disorder and I can see bad things in her future if she doesn't course correct.
> 
> Reply I get - "gonna have to ask you to lay off about my eating habits".
> 
> ...... You know what, fvck that. I tried to show some concern and be friendly right of the bat. And that's what I get in response. Ya know.... you're right KnightBro. I need not spend any effort keeping that bridge from burning. I didn't even reply.
> 
> I played some Breath of the Wild instead today. It was nice. Moral of the story: Be good to yourself, 'cause someone's gatta do it.



Tend to stay out of this thread....I'm 45, been in a committed relationship for the better part of 20 years and had a string of bad breakups before that....I know what I'll put up with and won't, even from my current partner, so my advice in this thread would be short cut and to the point, there's not much in here I'd deal well with, if at all.

Stuck waiting on a FedEx delivery, can't game or play music, have to listen for the door and this thread caught my eye.

Interacted with you here, read posts, you seem like a solid guy. I went back and read this whole thing, and I'm glad you are where you are now. That shit was a whole ass horror story man....I see you putting up with shit I wouldn't have bothered with even once. I just wanted to say I'm glad you're out and ok. 



soliloquy said:


> guys, i cant stress enough how much i appreciate you all.
> the support from online groups is immense, and getting this stuff off my chest is helping. How much, I cant say. But at least I have my appetite back. Its still not 100%. But at least I'm not throwing up any longer. I am down about 8 lbs in about week and a half.
> 
> now i need a remedy for the nightmares, and hopefully I can sleep. Haven't had a single night where I stayed sleeping through out the night in about 2 weeks now.
> 
> this is such a disaster.
> 
> And again, as someone who doens't have any mental illnesses (that I know of), if someone with depression goes through even a portion of this on a daily bases, kudos to you. I'm struggling to do anything. I am terrified of driving as I am sleepy, and may pass out behind the wheel, so I'm walking mostly or relying on the transit system. Im having a difficult time getting out of bed. Its messing up everything I'm doing or thinking or feeling. As such, my heart goes out to her if that his what she is feeling. It also hurts that I know she's hurting as well, but I cant be there for her during this time. we need to fix ourselves first before we fix our relationship.



I remember you from way back (maybe 2006 or so?) on the Dean Forum.....you always seemed like a good guy.

None of this is your fault, and I feel for you. As a recovering (always) addict, fuck your doubting feelings. This is HER fault. You can feel sad, you can feel angry, you can feel whatever you want to feel, but none of this is your fault and you don't have to fix shit. 

As said above, people don't get a pass for mental illness or addictive behavior. That's a manipulative game we addicts like to play, and you people always fall for it.

Your wife got drunk and cheated on you.....there was zero thought of you, it was a completely selfish thing and she didn't think about you one bit while it was happening, nor did she give any thought to what would happen after. Addicts never do.

As someone who decided to clean up years ago and boot everyone out of my life that possesses these tendencies, I'll say this. If you think right NOW is hard? Wait until it happens again, cause it sure as fuck will. There's no reason for her to not continue the behavior if you let her come back, because there was basically no punishment. 
This will go on again and again, whether you know about it or not....and that shit is going to haunt you for years, I promise. 

I don't want to say ditch her and move on casually....but I'm gonna say it anyway. Life is far too short to deal with this any longer than you already have.....continuing this can only benefit her, and will only fuck you up more in the end. The only one that will be helped by you staying is her, and that's only if she lets it happen, which she won't because addicts don't know how.

Try and think about what's going to be best for you in the long run, man. Do you honestly think that going to years of therapy to fix HER issues is going to help YOU in any way?

There's helping someone, and then there's giving over your whole next 5-10 years to try and fix someone else. Is that what you want?

Mojo man...hope you can get things going for yourself. Good luck and reach out if you need someone to be on your side.


----------



## TedEH

Five Ten said:


> For what it is worth, cheating is one of those things that is unforgivable to me.


This strikes me as something that should be true for more people. It's such a personal breach of trust. I generally treat that as dealbreaker #1. As soon as anyone cheats, it's over. No question.



Spaced Out Ace said:


> No offense, as I also don't have much of a life (being a college student has me pretty busy), but I suggest making a strong effort to go places.


None taken. I've been in much worse breakups before - and that's always been what helps. Conveniently, holiday season means parties and things are going to be happening very soon. Work parties, family events, old high school friends will be getting together, etc. I also plan on reaching out to some people I haven't seen in a while just to catch up and be social.



steinmetzify said:


> I see you putting up with shit I wouldn't have bothered with even once. I just wanted to say I'm glad you're out and ok.


I appreciate it for sure. Realistically, my issues are pretty small compared to a lot of what else goes on in this thread, or just in general, so I know I'd be ok either way.


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## soliloquy

See, i agree with what you all are saying. 
cheating is a breath of trust. Moreover, its also potentially putting you at risk. You take all the precautions NOT to catch any STI/STD, and yet your partner's screw up gets you there. 

I know I need to talk to her with a sound mind. Right now, all I have is a SUPER pissed off and SUPER sorrowful mind that cant speak right. I'm just burying myself at work. I'm leaving for work at 7am, and returning 8 or 9 pm and repeating that over and over. 

I had the weirdest night last night. Since I found out about the cheating, I've been having nightmares of her leaving me, only to wake up and realize that she technically did leave me. But last night, i didn't dream of her. I dremt of almost EVERYONE that was either interested in me, or I was interested in at one point or another from highschool onwards. It was a trip down memory lane of where we had conversations regarding why it didn't work, or painfully more, i also dreamt of a full life with other people in which I was happy. 

Only to wake up to my sad reality. 

on a side note, growing up, King Arthur was a sort of a role model for me. He found out that his spouse was cheating with Lancelot, but he wasn't overtly dramatic about it, knowing that if he acts out, it will be the collapse of himself and/or Camelot. Well, if i put myself in his shoes, I now am experiencing Camelot collapsing all around me.


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## TedEH

The last time I was in a spot where a big dramatic split happened (I don't mean recently, I mean years ago when I split with the person I lived with, from an almost 5yr long relationship), I ended up redefining a lot of things for myself. This led to me keeping a document - one where I list out what my personal goals are, either for the year or just in general, and I revisit this fairly often. If ever I'm left in a sort of "bad place", I now have a list of things that I can do or work on to keep me feeling like there is a direction or purpose to whatever I'm doing day-to-day. It also allows me to evaluate whether or not I really am progressing towards things, whether my priorities or values have changed, whether the context or circumstances that led me to list certain goals has changed, etc.

If I can recommend anything, it's to write things down. Train of thought that shit. Decide what you want to be doing, and dedicate your time to progressing towards that in whatever way makes the most sense to you, rather than letting that same time go to focusing on past events you can't control anymore.


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## Steinmetzify

soliloquy said:


> See, i agree with what you all are saying.
> cheating is a breath of trust. Moreover, its also potentially putting you at risk. You take all the precautions NOT to catch any STI/STD, and yet your partner's screw up gets you there.
> 
> I know I need to talk to her with a sound mind. Right now, all I have is a SUPER pissed off and SUPER sorrowful mind that cant speak right. I'm just burying myself at work. I'm leaving for work at 7am, and returning 8 or 9 pm and repeating that over and over.
> 
> I had the weirdest night last night. Since I found out about the cheating, I've been having nightmares of her leaving me, only to wake up and realize that she technically did leave me. But last night, i didn't dream of her. I dremt of almost EVERYONE that was either interested in me, or I was interested in at one point or another from highschool onwards. It was a trip down memory lane of where we had conversations regarding why it didn't work, or painfully more, i also dreamt of a full life with other people in which I was happy.
> 
> Only to wake up to my sad reality.
> 
> on a side note, growing up, King Arthur was a sort of a role model for me. He found out that his spouse was cheating with Lancelot, but he wasn't overtly dramatic about it, knowing that if he acts out, it will be the collapse of himself and/or Camelot. Well, if i put myself in his shoes, I now am experiencing Camelot collapsing all around me.



Makes sense.

Ted's advice above also makes a lot of sense. When you're ready to get there, you will. You're in some shock atm, but it won't last.

After that, take some time for yourself. Redefine what you need out of this relationship, and what you will and won't put up with if you decide to take her back. Keep in mind that there's going to be a lot of things that you'll say you can't deal with and she'll agree, but come to resent. Be prepared.


----------



## Thaeon

steinmetzify said:


> Tend to stay out of this thread....I'm 45, been in a committed relationship for the better part of 20 years and had a string of bad breakups before that....I know what I'll put up with and won't, even from my current partner, so my advice in this thread would be short cut and to the point, there's not much in here I'd deal well with, if at all.
> 
> Stuck waiting on a FedEx delivery, can't game or play music, have to listen for the door and this thread caught my eye.
> 
> Interacted with you here, read posts, you seem like a solid guy. I went back and read this whole thing, and I'm glad you are where you are now. That shit was a whole ass horror story man....I see you putting up with shit I wouldn't have bothered with even once. I just wanted to say I'm glad you're out and ok.
> 
> 
> 
> I remember you from way back (maybe 2006 or so?) on the Dean Forum.....you always seemed like a good guy.
> 
> None of this is your fault, and I feel for you. As a recovering (always) addict, fuck your doubting feelings. This is HER fault. You can feel sad, you can feel angry, you can feel whatever you want to feel, but none of this is your fault and you don't have to fix shit.
> 
> As said above, people don't get a pass for mental illness or addictive behavior. That's a manipulative game we addicts like to play, and you people always fall for it.
> 
> Your wife got drunk and cheated on you.....there was zero thought of you, it was a completely selfish thing and she didn't think about you one bit while it was happening, nor did she give any thought to what would happen after. Addicts never do.
> 
> As someone who decided to clean up years ago and boot everyone out of my life that possesses these tendencies, I'll say this. If you think right NOW is hard? Wait until it happens again, cause it sure as fuck will. There's no reason for her to not continue the behavior if you let her come back, because there was basically no punishment.
> This will go on again and again, whether you know about it or not....and that shit is going to haunt you for years, I promise.
> 
> I don't want to say ditch her and move on casually....but I'm gonna say it anyway. Life is far too short to deal with this any longer than you already have.....continuing this can only benefit her, and will only fuck you up more in the end. The only one that will be helped by you staying is her, and that's only if she lets it happen, which she won't because addicts don't know how.
> 
> Try and think about what's going to be best for you in the long run, man. Do you honestly think that going to years of therapy to fix HER issues is going to help YOU in any way?
> 
> There's helping someone, and then there's giving over your whole next 5-10 years to try and fix someone else. Is that what you want?
> 
> Mojo man...hope you can get things going for yourself. Good luck and reach out if you need someone to be on your side.



Absolutely stellar advice.

@TedEH is giving good advice too.

Time to look at what is meaningful in your life, and take a long, and honest look at what she brings to the table that either helps or doesn't hinder your progress to that end. I split with my Ex Wife in an UGLY and very expensive divorce almost two years ago. While my kids are the best thing to ever happen to me, the end of the marriage to their mom was the second best thing. Though I didn't know it at the time. Right at two years ago, we had moved and settled into a new city. I had all but set work and music aside so she could take a job and finish school. She worked, came home, ate, went upstairs to study, and then passed out. Weekends full too. No down time. No time to connect. And that when she started sharing stuff about previous guys. How she'd been dishonest with them, or asked them to be dishonest with their partners for her benefit. I didn't know anyone in the new town. Didn't have time to meet anyone. And felt so alone and isolated that the ONLY reason I'm still around is that I couldn't bare the thought of what putting an end to myself would put my daughters through. Not long after the Ex's overshare things came to a head and we split. I was broken for a short period. But I was working again, and meeting new people. And I was playing in a band. Which brought me around to my priorities. And a very short list of things that I will never sacrifice for a partner again. I'm currently seeing someone. She knows and doesn't question those things, because I articulated them to her this way. "I've already made the choice between a relationship and these things. If it comes to a conflict you know what will happen. You can either accept that that is who I am or you can move on now. I don't need this relationship. I have friends and family who love me. I have my daughters. I have my music. My needs are met. You're icing on the cake."


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## soliloquy

That is the same advice I give to my younger friends, and also older friends when it comes to dating.

Younger people have the time and luxury to spare it as they please. As such, they are willing to waste that time on a partner, hoping that their partner will change.

But once you are of a certain age (maybe 30, or 35, or 40 or whenever YOU feel mature), you've already made up your mind and are willing to only bend so far for someone.

I know i'm advised not to overshare with people around, but the constant hyper ventilation and twisted thoughts seem to go away when i tell someone. So far i've shared with 4 people at my work. Each is giving great advice and talking sense back into me. They all knew for a while that i've not been acting myself either. They have known me for years and know that i'm usually very stoic and put together. But as of late, i've been a little unhinged and spending WAY too much time together. 

As per them, they all advice to lawyer up. Even if a divorce is not the result of this, and that we CAN work something out...lawyer up. 

going to start hunting a lawyer once i'm home tonight. Maybe see them over the weekend. 

It kind of saddens me to realize how many couples around me are all going through some issue or another. It almost appears that most relationships around me are all disastrous and barely holding up. I thought I was spared, but nope. Life decided to throw me into the mix for shits and giggles. 


hey, look at that....i'm slowly getting my weird sense of humor back.


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## Thaeon

For what its worth, relationships much like life, end one way or another. And in this country, hopefully not in Canada, marriages end 50% of the time in divorce. So from my perspective, they're risky to begin with. Get a lawyer. Quietly. Get some advice. If/when shit hits the fan, you be the one that files. The respondent is typically looked at like they're just gainsaying whoever filed. If you have evidence of infidelity, document it.


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## TedEH

soliloquy said:


> I know i'm advised not to overshare with people around


I'm actually going to offer the opposite advice. Share as much as you're comfortable with, and with as many people as you want/can. Be honest when you do. Honest and transparent. You will gain the best advice and perspectives from "over sharing". People will tell you things you already know, but needed to hear from an external source. People will tell you things are aren't willing to admit to yourself. People will tell you things you wouldn't have considered.


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## TedEH

soliloquy said:


> Younger people have the time and luxury to spare it as they please. As such, they are willing to waste that time on a partner, hoping that their partner will change.
> 
> But once you are of a certain age (maybe 30, or 35, or 40 or whenever YOU feel mature), you've already made up your mind and are willing to only bend so far for someone.


I'd almost argue that it's less that you don't have the time, but more that you just value it more. I've got lots of time. I spent all week doing nothing but playing video games after work.

The trick is that it's MY time, and I can choose to waste it on my own terms.


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## soliloquy

I've never had the greatest relationship with my dad because he is of the mindset that the world HAS to be extroverted, and anyone who is either an omni/ambivert or introvert is selfish and therefore not a 'good' person. If I want my space, he doesn't understand that and wants to keep meddling. He ended up costing me my previous relationship. And i'm trying really hard to keep him away from this relationship.

he's noticing that i've been unhinged for last little while, and its being overtly dramatic and trying to do emotional blackmail just to get me to open up to him. 

he was never a fan of my wife because she is SUPER introverted. Now, if he finds out about this, he will keep rubbing it in about 'i told you so' and other bs. 

trying to fight him, while fighting my own sanity, and my wife, and the world and all is just taxing and exhausting 

I'm going to use the ENTIRE weekend to just play the Witcher, and see a lawyer. Dont want to do ANYTHING else.


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## TedEH

soliloquy said:


> selfish


A while back I decided that "selfish" isn't inherently bad. It's often healthy to be "selfish". It's often important to focus on yourself.
I'm also of the opinion that "family" doesn't have to mean much. You get to decide for yourself what your relationship with people is on an emotional level, regardless of how you're physically related. Do your own thing, do what you need to do, be your own person, and be selfish if that's what that means. Doesn't make you a bad person by any stretch.



soliloquy said:


> I'm going to use the ENTIRE weekend to just play the Witcher, and see a lawyer. Dont want to do ANYTHING else.


Good. You have a goal. Stick with that. To hell with anyone who gets in the way of that.


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## soliloquy

It also irritates me when i explain once or twice or even thrice regarding my opinions/thoughts/feelings, and its completely ignored by my dad. I understand he is of a generation where mental health was not well understood. I understand he has strong cultural ties and is very traditional. I want him to understand that though his son has no mental illness (again, that I know of), me trying to help those who have any mental anguish can take its toll on me.

I'm an omni/ambivert, and I unfortunately have no control on when my introvertness or extrovertness comes out. When i'm being introverted, he gets concerned and that exhausts me. When I'm extroverted, he gets used to that and wants me to stay that way for ever. 

he's also friends with some of my friends. So i'm warning them all to stop spying on me and leave me alone for next little while.


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## TedEH

soliloquy said:


> I want him to understand that though his son has no mental illness (again, that I know of), me trying to help those who have any mental anguish can take its toll on me.


Just because you don't clinically "have a mental illness" doesn't mean that your mental health is in a good place though. Nightmares and difficulty handling high stress? I call that a poor state of mental health. Based on what you've said here, I think their concern is warranted. That being said, if they aren't helping, they aren't helping. Lots of people are really bad at inadvertently making things worse when they're concerned about someone. The trick isn't to tell them not to be concerned, it's to make it clear if they aren't helping or if they're making things worse.

If what you need is some space to yourself, then be explicit about that. "The best way you can help me out is by letting me do my own thing." Something along those lines.


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## Five Ten

soliloquy said:


> It also irritates me when i explain once or twice or even thrice regarding my opinions/thoughts/feelings, and its completely ignored by my dad. I understand he is of a generation where mental health was not well understood. I understand he has strong cultural ties and is very traditional. I want him to understand that though his son has no mental illness (again, that I know of), me trying to help those who have any mental anguish can take its toll on me.
> 
> I'm an omni/ambivert, and I unfortunately have no control on when my introvertness or extrovertness comes out. When i'm being introverted, he gets concerned and that exhausts me. When I'm extroverted, he gets used to that and wants me to stay that way for ever.
> 
> he's also friends with some of my friends. So i'm warning them all to stop spying on me and leave me alone for next little while.



It is rather remarkable how people can not fathom certain things despite being told. There are days where I am agoraphobic to the max. I have a hard time leaving my house without having actual panic attacks, which fuels my depression and lack of self worth. It makes it difficult for me to find any sort of meaningful job, or really function in society in general. Knowing what I need to do differently and not being able to do that does not help with my sense of self worth. In short, the cycle goes as such. 

Fear of talking to people > people are outside > avoid going outside > wonder what I am doing with my life/what I contribute > panic attack > wonder if it is worth holding on to > try to better myself via better job or something > rinse + repeat.

I have good days, but it is enough of a problem where I am currently seeking help. It definitely interferes with my quality of life.

My father is someone I tried confiding in. His advice is to "just get over it and do it," when I have explained a million times that "just doing it" sends me into uncontrollable panic to the point of throwing up and getting chest pains. It is not fun when people sidestep your mental hang ups because it is different from what they experience. I have not grown the courage to tell him to "just stop smoking" if "just doing it" is such an easy task.

Not exactly related to relationships, so perhaps me posting about just that is not exactly warranted, but it is an understandable issue you face, to which I can sympathize. It is never fun keeping things from people, but sometimes it seems counter-intuitive to share with some of them so it is best to lie by omission.


----------



## soliloquy

Five Ten said:


> It is rather remarkable how people can not fathom certain things despite being told. There are days where I am agoraphobic to the max. I have a hard time leaving my house without having actual panic attacks, which fuels my depression and lack of self worth. It makes it difficult for me to find any sort of meaningful job, or really function in society in general. Knowing what I need to do differently and not being able to do that does not help with my sense of self worth. In short, the cycle goes as such.
> 
> Fear of talking to people > people are outside > avoid going outside > wonder what I am doing with my life/what I contribute > panic attack > wonder if it is worth holding on to > try to better myself via better job or something > rinse + repeat.
> 
> I have good days, but it is enough of a problem where I am currently seeking help. It definitely interferes with my quality of life.
> 
> My father is someone I tried confiding in. His advice is to "just get over it and do it," when I have explained a million times that "just doing it" sends me into uncontrollable panic to the point of throwing up and getting chest pains. It is not fun when people sidestep your mental hang ups because it is different from what they experience. I have not grown the courage to tell him to "just stop smoking" if "just doing it" is such an easy task.
> 
> Not exactly related to relationships, so perhaps me posting about just that is not exactly warranted, but it is an understandable issue you face, to which I can sympathize. It is never fun keeping things from people, but sometimes it seems counter-intuitive to share with some of them so it is best to lie by omission.



your opinions and thought matter, and dont EVER let anyone else make you feel differently. 

i'm glad you shared that, as i personally didn't know of agoraphobia. I knew of fear of public speaking, but that is something new I discovered.

see, that idea of 'if I have nothing nice to say, dont say it' i have issues with. In me not saying anything and letting my dad run over me with his ideology, it also screws it up for a lot of other people he interacts with. Has it made an impact? not one bit. Will it stop me from carrying forward? no. will it exhaust me? absolutely.

I'm not suggesting you to tell your dad to stop smoking, or to be more sensitive. But I want you to know that you are not alone. 

sure this topic is about relationships, but i dont think it HAS to be romantic relationships...does it? humanity is painful to go through alone. If you are able to connect with anyone, then it becomes a little easier. IF not people in person, then perhaps find solace online. The online community is helping me significantly. Even if people haven't been cheated on, the more people are interacting with me, the better i'm doing mentally. 

no harm in reaching out to people.


----------



## TedEH

soliloquy said:


> didn't know of agoraphobia


I know one guy (he's the roommate guy from my previous stories) who clinically has agoraphobia. And it would be fair to call it crippling in a lot of ways. He's unable to work, get id, drive, etc - essentially he's unable to function as an adult without assistance. We've tried to bring him out to things, because he really does want to be social, but the panic sets in and he has to leave. Just can't handle people. He's a super nice guy otherwise, most of the time.


----------



## Thaeon

TedEH said:


> I know one guy (he's the roommate guy from my previous stories) who clinically has agoraphobia. And it would be fair to call it crippling in a lot of ways. He's unable to work, get id, drive, etc - essentially he's unable to function as an adult without assistance. We've tried to bring him out to things, because he really does want to be social, but the panic sets in and he has to leave. Just can't handle people. He's a super nice guy otherwise, most of the time.



My current girlfriend borders on this. Has panic attacks after driving. Can't be anywhere that is crowded or loud. However, she's also going through a court case because an Ex kept showing up at her work and broke into her apartment. Its gotten worse lately because he posted bail. He has no idea where she lives, but that doesn't change the reduced security and feeling of safety she experiences because there aren't steel bars and thick concrete walls between him and trying to find her. Relationships, all kinds, can be difficult and hard to navigate. I have untreated ADHD, and I'm either asleep or chasing whatever catches my attention until something else catches my attention. Which can be pretty rapid at times.


----------



## Five Ten

TedEH said:


> I know one guy (he's the roommate guy from my previous stories) who clinically has agoraphobia. And it would be fair to call it crippling in a lot of ways. He's unable to work, get id, drive, etc - essentially he's unable to function as an adult without assistance. We've tried to bring him out to things, because he really does want to be social, but the panic sets in and he has to leave. Just can't handle people. He's a super nice guy otherwise, most of the time.



This is sort of where I am with it. I am capable of doing certain things if they have become routine, so driving around nearby areas to get groceries is doable even if I have to mentally prepare for it. If I make plans to go anywhere, weather it's to get groceries, do laundry, or going to see my current girlfriend's parents, I will starve myself the day before because then there's nothing for me to throw up if I get uneasy. I do occasionally go out and sometimes travel, but it is mentally exhausting. Even a trip to the guitar store 15 minutes away is enough to put me in mental shut down mode where I can't really do much else that day. 

It sucks because on the surface it sounds so stupid, and people tend to mock you for it because it's hard to understand. Hell, I think about it sometimes and acknowledge to myself how dumb it ultimately is. Part of me enjoys being a hermit, but I sorely want the ability to just leave the house without feeling like the world is coming down around me. Maybe some day, but it isn't soon.


----------



## littlebadboy

What happened to the OP boy 9 years ago and his theater girlfriend?


----------



## TedEH

He hasn't signed in since 2017 I think....? So.... no idea. And I don't feel like digging through this monster of a thread to find out.


----------



## soliloquy

Five Ten said:


> This is sort of where I am with it. I am capable of doing certain things if they have become routine, so driving around nearby areas to get groceries is doable even if I have to mentally prepare for it. If I make plans to go anywhere, weather it's to get groceries, do laundry, or going to see my current girlfriend's parents, I will starve myself the day before because then there's nothing for me to throw up if I get uneasy. I do occasionally go out and sometimes travel, but it is mentally exhausting. Even a trip to the guitar store 15 minutes away is enough to put me in mental shut down mode where I can't really do much else that day.
> 
> It sucks because on the surface it sounds so stupid, and people tend to mock you for it because it's hard to understand. Hell, I think about it sometimes and acknowledge to myself how dumb it ultimately is. Part of me enjoys being a hermit, but I sorely want the ability to just leave the house without feeling like the world is coming down around me. Maybe some day, but it isn't soon.




the whole concept of:
"man up"
"Suck it up"
"its all in your head"
"grow a thicker skin"
"just dont think about it and do it"
"you are being too overly dramatic"
"its no big deal"
etc

those, i find to be sounding stupid and insensitive and dumb. 

what you are feeling is perfectly fine and normal. you shouldn't have to be made to feel "normal" because technically speaking, 'normal' really means being apathetic to the world. 

as someone who was apathetic for a while in the past, to be able to overcome all/most mental demons I was fighting, and be able to support ALL my friends and be an advocate of mental illness...to now feel how painful something like depression and anxiety and PTSD can be, I can only say to screw anyone who makes you feel otherwise.

having been on both sides of 'no mental illness' to complete nervous breakdowns at odd hours of the day that prevents me from sleeping, your opinions, feelings, and your mental exhaustion are perfectly normal. you dont have to explain it to anyone. if they dont understand, then that is not on you.



i want you to read this:
https://www.menshealth.com/health/a20111514/men-mental-health-awareness-month/
"It’s okay to not have your shit together. It’s okay to feel depressed. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be anxious. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to not have everything figured out, to feel a wave of uncertainty come crashing over you and not know which way is up, or when your next gulp of air will come. These are perfectly normal feelings that every man experiences. And it’s okay to talk about it.

What’s _not_ okay is suffering in silence."










on my personal battle, i spoke to two of my really close friends that i've known for about 20 years. where one made it really easy for me to breath after 3 weeks of choking on the air i breath, the other made it difficult. 
the first said that regardless of what decision i choose, she will support me without judgement and will be there for me with every step i take. the other on the other hand just wanted to kill my spouse; thus indicating that the only option I have is to divorce.

what is terrifying me is that because of that one conversation, I can now perfectly picture a life without my spouse. but what is also terrifying me is a life with my spouse where I am constantly holding a grudge against her. Where I am always questioning every step she makes. Where I am constantly paranoid and just losing my mind because of it. Both are making me equally sick and terrified, and I dont know what i'm doing.

I sent out several emails and voice mails to several lawyers on thursday and friday, and none of them called me back. maybe its for the better that i give this lawyer shit a break. only come to think of it when i'm able to control my mind and have full control over myself. thats what my friend is also suggesting. I shouldnt make any hasty decisions, because the last thing I'd want is to go through a divorce, and maybe a few months/weeks/years later, realize it was a mistake and I want to continue being with her...? 

One thing is for certain is that I need therapy. I think i'll start after new years.


----------



## TedEH

Oh noooooooooo, now I'm getting the "so, I miss you" texts.

This was followed by "I won't say anything else, cause I don't want to ruin your day. Thanks for listening."
Dunno what I'm supposed to do with that.

Don't get me wrong, living alone means it gets lonely as crap, and I have nothing against spending time in a friendly context, but I don't want to fall back into old patterns and end back up in something I'm not happy with. Much caution. Very mixed feelings.


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

TedEH said:


> I have nothing against spending time in a friendly context



Don't.
Not yet, anyway. Give it a couple months.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

TedEH said:


> Oh noooooooooo, now I'm getting the "so, I miss you" texts.
> 
> This was followed by "I won't say anything else, cause I don't want to ruin your day. Thanks for listening."
> Dunno what I'm supposed to do with that.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, living alone means it gets lonely as crap, and I have nothing against spending time in a friendly context, but I don't want to fall back into old patterns and end back up in something I'm not happy with. Much caution. Very mixed feelings.



Guilt ( that's what she wants you to feel))
Manipulation ( that's what she's CONSCIOUSLY doing)

Once we reveal too much of our personal feelings to someone who is not acting in the best interest of our emotional health, then they are able to exploit our weaknesses. In this case she is your weakness and she knows that. The problem with going back to someone like this is that you are way too vulnerable imo. You can say that "I'm going to be cautious" all you want. That will not have any bearing in the matter if she has control ( which she still does because you have not allowed yourself to heal nor to get stronger away from her). So... recipe for disaster is imminent.


----------



## TedEH

"I have no regrets but I wish I said no when you first asked me out"
"Everything is all messed up now"
"I keep going to message you and then remind myself to back off"

*sigh*

Where's my Switch? I just want to play some video games. And some guitar. Maybe a good drink. Maybe a strong coffee.


----------



## KnightBrolaire

TedEH said:


> "I have no regrets but I wish I said no when you first asked me out"
> "Everything is all messed up now"
> "I keep going to message you and then remind myself to back off"
> 
> *sigh*
> 
> Where's my Switch? I just want to play some video games. And some guitar. Maybe a good drink. Maybe a strong coffee.


delete and block her number. burn the bridge completely so that the only path is forward. don't let toxic people play fuck fuck games with your emotions/life.


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

KnightBrolaire said:


> delete and block her number. burn the bridge completely so that the only path is forward. don't let toxic people play fuck fuck games with your emotions/life.



For real. Especially this bit here:



TedEH said:


> *"I have no regrets but I wish I said no when you first asked me out"*
> "Everything is all messed up now"
> "I keep going to message you and then remind myself to back off"



She's clearly only focused on herself. There is no consideration for you here. This is all so blatantly a "woe is me, feel bad for me" routine that frankly I'd be insulted.
It's one thing to commiserate with someone about your experience together and be disappointed that things didn't work out, but this line tells me that she's just upset that things didn't go the way she wanted them to, and has no reservations about using you to try and make herself feel better. She's fishing.

If she really wanted to respect your wishes, she wouldn't message you, _*and then*_ say "oops lol I keep having to remind myself not to do that," she just wouldn't do it. It's a shame that she doesn't.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> Oh noooooooooo, now I'm getting the "so, I miss you" texts.
> 
> This was followed by "I won't say anything else, cause I don't want to ruin your day. Thanks for listening."
> Dunno what I'm supposed to do with that.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, living alone means it gets lonely as crap, and I have nothing against spending time in a friendly context, but I don't want to fall back into old patterns and end back up in something I'm not happy with. Much caution. Very mixed feelings.


Don't do anything with that.


----------



## TedEH

New added context that, while it doesn't justify anything, makes me sort of understand why the sudden drama:

Roommate guy (the one who's cool, I get along well with this guy) basically started vomiting blood all over the place last night. He's been in a bunch of back pain, and since he's the agoraphobic, etc., he handled things by taking a whole ton of painkillers. This, of course, led to a bunch of stomach ulcers or something. He's apparently gone through two surgeries already. I was told that one of the nurses said he was lucky to have made it to the hospital when he did.

So I can understand the reaching out to me thing. Lots of stuff is kinda going to shit around her, there are good reasons to panic. I get the manipulation angle and all that, but at the same time, it's very hard to hear that a mutual friend almost died and pick that moment to cut off contact instead of being supportive.

Don't get me wrong, we're not getting back together. It's not going to happen. I like the idea of being in a relationship, but not _that_ relationship. At the same time, this is an old friend, who is dealing with some shit. Some of which is her own doing. Some of which is my doing. Some of which is just unfortunate circumstance, bad luck, etc. If that means I'm gonna get some uncomfortable text messages for a bit, I can handle that.


----------



## c7spheres

- I always try to make the best of stuff and have some compassion for people, especially when they need a friend or help. If they use me or take advantage of me, that sucks but I know I did the right thing. 
- People are people. We're all messed up to some degree. I think once you've been around the block or on both sides of the coin multiple (to many) times you get more compassionate and calloused at the same time.
- The old me would have thought about just hooking back up with her, use her for a booty call and moved on.
- The older wiser me says be kind to people when they need it even if it means sacraficing part of yourself for their well being.
- The indifferent me says she burned her own bridge let her cross it. 
- The apathetic me says "whatever".

My point is that only you really know the dynamic between your relationship/freindship. Only you know if you really care for her, even as a freind. Don't forget, some people deserve some leniency. Whether they're one of those people is a decision only you can make. I'd personally give her serious consideration as a freind. Actually set aside time and do it as a task of sorts to really think about it. Can you accept her for her imperfections and quirks/problems?


----------



## TedEH

Mood change:
I've received news that dudes own mother showed up to the hospital for a grand total of an hour to take a picture for facebook and drop off the contact number for a social worker. While his roommate is stuck taking care of him because he almost died.

Why are people so shitty to eachother?


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> Mood change:
> I've received news that dudes own mother showed up to the hospital for a grand total of an hour to take a picture for facebook and drop off the contact number for a social worker. While his roommate is stuck taking care of him because he almost died.
> 
> Why are people so shitty to eachother?



How unfortunate. Hope he starts getting better soon.


----------



## soliloquy

I love my friends. And perhaps I dont give them enough credit.
Without saying anything to them, hell, i'm fully avoiding them to the best of my abilities. I haven't seen them in about a month, and they are already fully aware that I'm not myself. 
few others that I talk to once every 6 or 8 months or so, even they know that i'm not myself, and they all are reaching out to me.

it hurts me that though they all turned to me at one point or another to help with their personal demons, i am not able to do the same with them. 

maybe one day when i'm fully recovered, i will apologize to them that i'm not the friend they thought I was, and also why i cant turn to them in this situation. 

i cant avoid them forever, so sooner or later, they will understand. I'm barley holding together. Even yesterday where I had my year end review with my manager, I broke down in front of him. 

not that i'm afraid of my emotions, or afraid of someone to see me cry. I never claimed to be the toxic masculine man that sucks it up, though I may appear to be that way. I am somewhat stoic, so it is hard to read my expressions more often than not. 

I do feel super lucky to have such close friends that do love and care for me. And though they may mean well for me, sometimes their execution may be a little flawed.

these two friends who are SUPER close to me, and were a HUGE part of my wedding. They are also very close to my friend. Though they are my friends first, if this every comes to light, I would want them to fully abandon me and support her. As a human, my heart does go out to my wife, and know that she needs people and support (she is a loner and has no one to talk to other than her therapist). I know my friends wont want to abandon me in this regards, but I do have all the support I can use from other friends and network. Moreover, if they do find out what she did, they will want to leave her and run to me. But I think the more people know, the harder it would be for us to work together IF we ever want to work on repairing what has been broken.


----------



## TedEH

soliloquy said:


> help with their personal demons, i am not able to


Realistically, I wouldn't be hard on yourself for not being able to solve anyone elses issues, or to want personal space dealing with your own. Sometimes even the smallest show of sincere support is all that could reasonable be asked of anyone, and if you've done that, and they've done that, then you've nothing to feel bad about.



soliloquy said:


> the toxic masculine man that sucks it up


Internalizing your emotions is not really a toxic thing unless you're knowingly harming yourself or others by doing so. People deal with things in their own ways. If someone needs to be surrounded by people to get through their day, then that's great for them. If someone needs to isolate themselves in order to process what's going on around them, then that's also fine. I do a lot of that. I dive into video games to sort of shut everything else out until I've had enough time to calmly process what's going on, then I can get back to real life and address things level-headed-ly. Self-awareness IMO is the key. Be self-aware, don't self-sabotage, take care of yourself, and the rest doesn't matter.


----------



## Five Ten

soliloquy said:


> I love my friends. And perhaps I dont give them enough credit.
> Without saying anything to them, hell, i'm fully avoiding them to the best of my abilities. I haven't seen them in about a month, and they are already fully aware that I'm not myself.
> few others that I talk to once every 6 or 8 months or so, even they know that i'm not myself, and they all are reaching out to me.
> 
> it hurts me that though they all turned to me at one point or another to help with their personal demons, i am not able to do the same with them.
> 
> maybe one day when i'm fully recovered, i will apologize to them that i'm not the friend they thought I was, and also why i cant turn to them in this situation.
> 
> i cant avoid them forever, so sooner or later, they will understand. I'm barley holding together. Even yesterday where I had my year end review with my manager, I broke down in front of him.
> 
> not that i'm afraid of my emotions, or afraid of someone to see me cry. I never claimed to be the toxic masculine man that sucks it up, though I may appear to be that way. I am somewhat stoic, so it is hard to read my expressions more often than not.
> 
> I do feel super lucky to have such close friends that do love and care for me. And though they may mean well for me, sometimes their execution may be a little flawed.
> 
> these two friends who are SUPER close to me, and were a HUGE part of my wedding. They are also very close to my friend. Though they are my friends first, if this every comes to light, I would want them to fully abandon me and support her. As a human, my heart does go out to my wife, and know that she needs people and support (she is a loner and has no one to talk to other than her therapist). I know my friends wont want to abandon me in this regards, but I do have all the support I can use from other friends and network. Moreover, if they do find out what she did, they will want to leave her and run to me. But I think the more people know, the harder it would be for us to work together IF we ever want to work on repairing what has been broken.




For what it is worth, the only people who would not understand an apology or why you are doing what you do are people who are not worth your time. You should be golden. You are also not required to share your personal demons with others, even if they have with you. Everyone deals with things in their own way. Just do not fight your demons alone in a way that is bad for yourself. Holding on to everything and not dealing with it is a dangerous thing. As Ted has said, be self-aware, do not self-sabotage.

To play the angel on your shoulder, I would say handling things amicably is not out of the question. Whether you break up, stay friends, make amends, stay together, whatever. It is always advisable to try to do things the right way.

To play the devil on your shoulder, I would like to point out that there needs to be a line. You decide what that line is, but it needs to be drawn. I do not know how much pleasantry or respect I would be able to show someone who had betrayed me in a big way. To me, since there was no logical trigger the first time around, I would always be worried that it would happen again. Even if she changes, I would find it hard to trust fully again, which might turn out to be unfair.

Your friends were correct, as an aside. It is probably not something you should just jump on asap. The situation is still very young and things have not been completely rationally processed yet. You had mentioned going to therapy after the new year, and I think that will help greatly. At the very least, they can help you sort and compartmentalize your thoughts. They can provide real time feedback, and might get you asking yourself important questions.


----------



## soliloquy

I know that more than anything else, therapy will help me with PTSD.
random things are triggering me. For example, on saturday, i decided to work again (did about 65+ hours the week before, and 60+ hours last week...only getting paid for 47, but thats besides the point). After work, i was aimlessly walking around the streets of Toronto. During christmas time, it was heart breaking to see the city so empty. Moreover, it was hurting to see couples holding hands, kissing or celebrating in the christmas market. That was me at one point. 
I keep waking up in the middle of the night due to nightmares.
I keep crashing all over and i'm having a hard time holding it together. 

so for that alone, i need therapy. 

good thing my work provides that service for free, so will fully take advantage of that.


----------



## TedEH

I'm getting text updates about roommate guy who is still in the hospital. Some kind of complications last night so he's staying there longer. In the middle of all this is a message about how ex lady picked the wrong week to take a break from weed.

Maybe a dude almost dying in your living room is something to be handled sober, no?
I mean... I don't think I've ever seen her sober in my life.
And the whole point of having this one sober week is just to "reset" and drop tolerances so that the weed becomes potent again.

F that noise, I don't need to be attached to an addict.


----------



## soliloquy

so...the friend i was avoiding, as I didn't want to tell her what is going on with my life, she forced herself to bump into me and forced it out of me. 
I also told her that though I need her as a friend, i know that my spouse needs someone more than I need someone. So to put aside her biases, and favor her over the next little while rather than me. and my friend is doing just that. i love my friends. 

the part of me that is an advocate and supporter of mental illness is really hurting for her. I want to be there for her and support her. And I know that she is miserable, and that she is remorseful, and I know that whenever I'm hurt, she usually feels it far worse than me.

however, the other part of me is hurt and i cant do that.

i am feeling overwhelmed. i feel like i want to throw up, though there is nothing in my system.


----------



## TedEH

soliloquy said:


> i know that my spouse needs someone more than I need someone


I have a feeling I'm misinterpreting a bunch of what you're trying to get across, but it sounds like you're allowing the people around you to continue to treat you like crap.

You got cheated on, you got wronged - this isn't the time to go into support mode for people. Treating you like that is not a mental illness thing, that's being a shitty person, and there's no justification for that.

This is a case where I'll advocate being selfish. Focus on you. Focus on getting yourself back to a comfortable place where people aren't shitting on you and you're not vomiting under the stress of things. Stop letting people convince you that they are more important than you, because they are not. Forget everyone else and take care of yourself.


----------



## TedEH

I find lately I'm just getting so exhausted from people being shitty to themselves and to others. Have we colonized Mars yet? Are there any other planets I can go live on for a while?


----------



## soliloquy

TedEH said:


> I have a feeling I'm misinterpreting a bunch of what you're trying to get across, but it sounds like you're allowing the people around you to continue to treat you like crap.
> 
> You got cheated on, you got wronged - this isn't the time to go into support mode for people. Treating you like that is not a mental illness thing, that's being a shitty person, and there's no justification for that.
> 
> This is a case where I'll advocate being selfish. Focus on you. Focus on getting yourself back to a comfortable place where people aren't shitting on you and you're not vomiting under the stress of things. Stop letting people convince you that they are more important than you, because they are not. Forget everyone else and take care of yourself.




Though I do agree that I deserve better, and that she should not have any compassion from me, as this is all on her, I also deserve peace. 

I still haven't decided what I want, and what is best for me. And in order for me to get there, I need to think from a leveled head. The last thing I want is to be feeling lousy, and in haste, make a decision that makes me feel worse, and worsens the situation. 

this already is too overwhelming, so i need to take this one day at a time, otherwise it will get far uglier.


----------



## p0ke

TedEH said:


> I find lately I'm just getting so exhausted from people being shitty to themselves and to others. Have we colonized Mars yet? Are there any other planets I can go live on for a while?



You could move to a space station, but beware, apparently their toilets aren't working at the moment


----------



## TedEH

I can now add more layers of exhaustion to the mix.
I was supposed to go out with coworkers, but ex-lady sends me a panicked text saying roommate's heart has stopped and doctors are asking for people to be contacted. This guy has so few people in his life that his support structure included his roommates ex. So this puts me, ex-lady, and the handful of family this guy has (who have never met me) in a room awkwardly waiting for 3 hours of surgery to pass. He made it out ok for now, but is being monitored. In the meantime, ex is now in pieces and doesn't want to be alone for the rest of the day, so I end up staying there in comfort mode until I'm too tired to stay up, at which point I go home and.... 4 hours later I'm back at the office because what else am I going to do.

I'm not going to be able to focus today. I severely need a break from everything. This is now a breakup that just won't go away, a death of an old friend (that I never mentioned here yet), and now another near death, all within the same three-weeks ish.

I'll take the space station. Even busted toilets can't be more shitty than this.


----------



## soliloquy

@ TedEH: man, that must be super tough to go through. death of a friend is never easy. And i HATE how their funerals become the highschool reunions. Having been to 4 already (and I graduated just over 10 years ago?). that shit never gets easy. 

and though i'm not the one to give advice here, as i've been doing 195 hours of work over 3 weeks, which shouldn't exceed 112 hours of work, PLEASE take care of yourself. book a vacation. Or go travel somewhere. or staycation. 

nothing is important if you are crumbling.


----------



## TedEH

Thanks man.

I went into the office today, for the sake of not just stewing at home on my own, but I don't expect it to be productive. I got in almost 2 hours ago and mostly just drank coffee and played video games at my desk so far. Will probably just pick away at some meaningless task until I decide to go home. I'm around good people, and things are calm, so all is as well as it can be for now.


----------



## soliloquy

TedEH said:


> Thanks man.
> 
> I went into the office today, for the sake of not just stewing at home on my own, but I don't expect it to be productive. I got in almost 2 hours ago and mostly just drank coffee and played video games at my desk so far. Will probably just pick away at some meaningless task until I decide to go home. I'm around good people, and things are calm, so all is as well as it can be for now.



Obviously I dont have to tell you what you should, or should not do, but see if you can pick up other activities outside of work? Not that being around good people is bad. Maybe gym. Or if the snow isn't too bad, explore random neighborhoods in your area? take yourself out for a movie? or reach out to an old friend you keep meaning to see, but life gets in the way?

dont just rot away.




EDIT: actually, come to think of it, I may take myself out for movies on friday. Maybe watch Knives Out or something.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> I'm getting text updates about roommate guy who is still in the hospital. Some kind of complications last night so he's staying there longer. In the middle of all this is a message about how ex lady picked the wrong week to take a break from weed.
> 
> Maybe a dude almost dying in your living room is something to be handled sober, no?
> I mean... I don't think I've ever seen her sober in my life.
> And the whole point of having this one sober week is just to "reset" and drop tolerances so that the weed becomes potent again.
> 
> F that noise, I don't need to be attached to an addict.


Yeah, no shit.


----------



## TedEH

I've got some good news for a change!
I took a random chance and met someone I was talking to on facebook for just a super simple coffee date kind of deal. I don't even care if it goes nowhere, it was just refreshing. There was no question of whether or not this was a date, we got along well, I managed to confidently ramble on enough to keep conversation going, she's not a drinker or smoker, she's into heavier music than I am, plays a bunch of instruments, probably more than me - it was just nice. There's a mild language barrier since she's primarily french, but we were still able to hold conversation, so it's all good.


----------



## Charlie Foxtrot 3rd

TedEH, one door closes and another opens.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> I've got some good news for a change!
> I took a random chance and met someone I was talking to on facebook for just a super simple coffee date kind of deal. I don't even care if it goes nowhere, it was just refreshing. There was no question of whether or not this was a date, we got along well, I managed to confidently ramble on enough to keep conversation going, she's not a drinker or smoker, she's into heavier music than I am, plays a bunch of instruments, probably more than me - it was just nice. There's a mild language barrier since she's primarily french, but we were still able to hold conversation, so it's all good.


 Awesome man! happy to hear that. I dated a French girl for about a month here on a work visa once. The language barrier was actually a blessing in disguise because there was this kind of automatic patience and understanding if something came out strange or wrong that it may have not been meant that way. Most of the time it was funny.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> I've got some good news for a change!
> I took a random chance and met someone I was talking to on facebook for just a super simple coffee date kind of deal. I don't even care if it goes nowhere, it was just refreshing. There was no question of whether or not this was a date, we got along well, I managed to confidently ramble on enough to keep conversation going, she's not a drinker or smoker, she's into heavier music than I am, plays a bunch of instruments, probably more than me - it was just nice. There's a mild language barrier since she's primarily french, but we were still able to hold conversation, so it's all good.


Then I guess you better learn some french, eh mon frere?


----------



## broj15

Not really looking for advice so much as it feels good/cathartic to type all of this out. Big ol messy post incoming:

For those that missed my last post in this thread I had been seeing one of my coworkers pretty seriously since early October. I wouldn't say that things were perfect (we'd get into normal arguments about stuff) bit when we were good we were really good. We both established early on that these kind of feelings weren't something we felt towards other people often, but we felt that way about each other so we decided to let things progress at a place that felt natural, which in hindsight was probably too quickly for both of us. We had talked about the future/made long term plans and set goals with each other in mind. And when I said all those things I meant them at the time. 
As time goes on though we kept arguing about the same issues: them needing more reassurance than what I was able to give them, me "not doing enough emotional labor", me seeming cold and distant (which I'll admit that I was for reasons I'll get into), and them losing thier temper and talking to me in ways that were very hurtful and borderline (or not so borderline) verbally/emotionally abusive. Now that's not to say that I wasn't at fault. In times of confrontation or emotional distress I do tend to emotionally shut down/dissociate as a "self preservation" technique. And when they wouldn't receive the validation of reassurance that they wanted from met they would attempt to "preemptively break up with me so they wouldn't have to feel like I was abandoning them when I did breakup with them". Every time that would happen I would call thier bluff and was met with a stream of apologies and excuses as to why they didn't actually want that. And so I stayed hoping that things would change, but unfortunately they never did. 

Even though they would always take it back and apologize after they calmed down, the things they said when they were angry (how I'm a terrible person, and cold, and how dating me was a mistake) those things began to eat away at me over time. I'm someone who is very deeply depressed and lacks alot of confidence in themselves, so hearing these things come from some you love & who is supposed to love you can feel very disheartening. It made me feel like I was constantly fighting an uphill battle, like I had to walk on eggshells around them, and it all became incredibly emotionally exhausting. 

So on december 14th (I only remember because I played a show that night) I told them we needed to talk. I pulled up to thier house and we spoke in my car and I told them that I wanted to breakup with them. I said that I could tell that they weren't happy and that I felt like I could never make them happy. Their initial reaction was to call me a piece of shit and say that I was dead to them and then got out of my car and slammed the door in my face. So I drove off, and before I even got back to my house they called me, sobbing, and asked me to come back. I went back and tried to further explain how I felt and why I thought it would be the right thing for us: mainly because I was deeply depressed and didn't feel like I was capable of being the partner they needed or wanted. They persisted to guilt trip me for all the things I said about wanting a future with them ("all of that had to have been a lie. You just say things that feel good in the moment and make promises that you don't have intentions on keeping") and then said that they actually we're happy with me (sure coulda fooled me by how they acted most of the time) and that since this wasn't a decision that we came to together (and how dare me, a man, make a decision thinking that I know what's best for them, a woman) that we actually WEREN'T breaking up as far as they were concerned. I told them that even of we did stay together and try and work on things that every argument would always come back to this moment and that it would always be a reason for them not to trust me, and that I didn't want to be in a relationship where we both couldn't trust each other. They assured me that that wouldn't be the case, and so we agreed to stay together and work on stuff. 

Now, you'll remember that I said that we work together. I knew going into the relationship that if we did breakup that one of us was gonna have to quit and find a new job. The fact that they're a single parent and that our job was just a couple blocks away from thier house, so they could easily get to thier kid if a situation arose, made it clear that I would probably have to be the one to quit. 

Segway for a second: I know I've complained about my job on here before. Things will get better for a while, but they never stay that way for long and often get even worse. But ultimately I had just been there for to long and was feeling very burnt out and under appreciated, and not feeling much support from superiors when they were asking me to uphold a bunch of new policies.

Anyways, before I met up with them for attempted break up #1 I preemptively sent my letter of resignation to my employers saying that I would finish out my scheduled shifts (up to January 4th) but after that I would be done. I was planning on quitting anyway, but I made the decision to go through with it that day because I knew if I didn't quit before they got a chance to that they would quit and use it as another means to guilt trip me (ie. "You made a single parent quit a good job" etc.).

So the next few days pass and things are actually going well. We still hadn't really addressed any of what we talked about during attempted break up #1. We hang out and exchange Christmas gifts early (I was gonna be out of town on actual Christmas) and I took them and thier kid to see some Christmas lights at one of the parks in the city. Then that following Thursday I pick them up from work and they're worried about chronic pain that they've been having in thier joints/hands. I tell them that I'll help them find a doctor to get it looked at and that I'll be around to support them no matter what. They respond by saying that I shouldn't make promises that I don't plan on keeping. I ask what they mean and they said that I can't expect them to believe that when just a few days ago I tried to break up with them, but just a week before that we were both talking about our future together. I say ok and they say "what, so you can't make that promise?" And I try and explain that even when people do intend on keeping a promise they still may not be able to do it, and so i guess all I could promise was that I'll be there to support them for the foreseeable future. Now, in retrospect this probably did come off as incredibly insensitive and cold considering the context, and they got very quiet after hearing me say that. I didn't plan on spending the night with them like I usually do because I had to go home and clean my apartment since it was getting inspected the next day so I tell them that I have to leave. They immediately start bawling and ask how I could just leave after I said something like that to them. In that moment I froze and completely shut down emotionally. I wanted to give them a hug and comfort them in some way, but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't move closer to them to do it for some reason. They accused me of being cold and uncaring and saying that I treat them like shit and deserve better. I tell them that they're right, they do deserve better, and then I left.

The next day I go to thier house and pick up thier kid so he could buy them a Xmas present while they got thier hair cut. When I got back to drop him off they were sitting on the couch and acting in a pissy mood still so I tried to chest them up by saying that I liked thier haircut and thier only response was "I don't care, I feel really fucking ugly today".... Great. 
So unfortunately we have to work together that night. All night long they're giving me the cold shoulder, bit then they keep on cornering me and asking if we're ok and making me promise not to break up with them again. I try and be reassuring bit at this point I'm at the end of my rope. At the end of the night they asked me one more time if I was ok and snapped on them and said I'm fucking fine.

Cont'd in next post


----------



## broj15

We leave separately and I go home and don't hear from them until the next day. They text me about 10am and say that they're dropping off some stuff I left in thier car on my doorstep... Ok... So I respond saying that I wanted them to bring any of my clothes that they had at thier place and the spare key to my apartment. They call me freaking out asking again if I'm breaking up with them and all I can think to say is "dude, neither of us are happy, what do you want me to do?". They proceed to get even more upset, and the conversation ends with them hanging up on me while I try to explain/apologise and then quickly blocking me on all social media.
The next day we have to work together and they come up to me and ask me for a hug and I ask them why? They immediately freak out and threaten to walk out on the spot and I have to do everything I can to try and calm them down and keep them from quitting thier job (which we both know that they need). They reiterate that im a huge piece of shit and that they deserve better than me.

So the next day (the Monday before Christmas) we thankfully don't have to work together, but then a different shit show begins to ensue. I get to work (a restaurant where I'm a shift manager) and they've scheduled 1 person on a position they've never worked before, so i immediately have to start holding thier hand helping them do thier job while also trying to do my job. Fast forward to when we open and there's immediately a line to the door AND I find out that our ticket printer isn't working, so we have to resort to handwriting tickets. And on top of all that they understaffed my shift, despite knowing that it would be extremely busy.
So, I decided that between being forced to work with my ex, and being tired of all the other bullshit at work that I'd had enough. So I told my boss I was quitting early and that he should get someone there to cover the rest of my shift. Then I handed him my keys and company credit card and walked out.


So, tl;Dr: broke up with my partner and walked out on my job 2 days before Xmas.

On the bright side I have some stuff lined up for employment, but nothing concrete. Honestly though I've really enjoyed the past week or so of semi unemployment. I've been picking up shifts here and there and a restaurant that my friend co owns, and I'm at the top of thier list if they need a temporary fill in or something more permanent, and I have some other stuff in the works as well. I've just paid my rent for the month and I have some money saved up so I'm comfortable for now. Just been taking the past week or so to process everything, blaze up, and play guitar. So yeah. To whoever reads this thanks for listening.


----------



## TedEH

Wow, there's a lot in there to process. Going based on just your own description, it's hard to say you didn't do the right thing. Welcome to the club of people for whom 2019 sucked and the new year begins unexpectedly single. 

IMO: Enjoy the solo time and don't look back. There's enough red flags and dealbreakers in just in your last couple of posts.

I feel like I've started the year in a weird way - I've been going on a handful of just one-off dates with people that end up being good fun in terms of just getting out and being social, but I don't think will go anywhere. Part of me wants to take these sort of confidence boosting moments and build towards trying to approach someone I'm actually interested in. One of those situations where there's just not an obvious or natural way to suggest a date since we don't really interact very often. Also nerves.

But I find there to be a huge difference when it comes to how/where you know someone from - in the sense that if I meet a stranger in the context of a dating app or something, I'm able to go in very confidently, very socially, etc. Like the stakes are low, you already know the mindframe people are in because of how you met in the first place, etc. But when it's just someone you've met in person outside of that context - that confidence is just kind of gone. Something about approaching a person you already get along with and trying to change the context of that acquaintanceship is mildly terrifying and I don't know why. It should be as simple as just going - oh hey, I know you through x person, kinda would like to get to know you better, lets grab a drink or something. But nope. Terrifying. It feels like a risk or something. A risk of what? I don't know. Maybe the idea of being rejected by a person you know a bit is worse than the potential rejection from a person you have zero connection to.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

At least for me there was also the difference regarding IRL vs online/ social media. Face to face is certainly more intimidating or uncomfortable. But I think the payoff is that you ( and they) at least have a better sense of the real deal when face to face.


----------



## c7spheres

broj15 said:


> So, tl;Dr: broke up with my partner and walked out on my job 2 days before Xmas.
> 
> On the bright side I have some stuff lined up for employment, but nothing concrete. Honestly though I've really enjoyed the past week or so of semi unemployment. I've been picking up shifts here and there and a restaurant that my friend co owns, and I'm at the top of thier list if they need a temporary fill in or something more permanent, and I have some other stuff in the works as well. I've just paid my rent for the month and I have some money saved up so I'm comfortable for now. Just been taking the past week or so to process everything, blaze up, and play guitar. So yeah. To whoever reads this thanks for listening.



I'm sorry you had to go through all this. I'm glad it didn't get violent or anything.


----------



## TedEH

High Plains Drifter said:


> IRL vs online/ social media


That's the weird bit for me, is that I can handle the face-to-face part of the deal. Put me and a stranger in a bar or a coffee place or something and I can yammer on forever or be entertaining or listen to some good stories, what have you - 'cause I find most people are pretty conversational if you give them the opportunity. It's the getting to that point that I never worked out, outside of the world of "swiping right".


----------



## High Plains Drifter

TedEH said:


> That's the weird bit for me, is that I can handle the face-to-face part of the deal. Put me and a stranger in a bar or a coffee place or something and I can yammer on forever or be entertaining or listen to some good stories, what have you - 'cause I find most people are pretty conversational if you give them the opportunity. It's the getting to that point that I never worked out, outside of the world of "swiping right".



That's definitely fortunate to have that charismatic quality. I have no issue in social environments but when meeting a potential partner for the first time ( first couple times) I'd have issues... anxiety and low self-esteem mainly. I've always been a true people-person... able to hang with just about anyone and get along with almost anybody... just as long as I don't feel pressure to "measure up".


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

broj15 said:


> I pulled up to thier house and we spoke in my car and I told them that I wanted to breakup with them. I said that I could tell that they weren't happy and that I felt like I could never make them happy. Their initial reaction was to call me a piece of shit and say that I was dead to them and then got out of my car and slammed the door in my face. So I drove off, and before I even got back to my house they called me, sobbing, and asked me to come back. I went back and tried to further explain how I felt and why I thought it would be the right thing for us: mainly because I was deeply depressed and didn't feel like I was capable of being the partner they needed or wanted. They persisted to guilt trip me for all the things I said about wanting a future with them ("all of that had to have been a lie. You just say things that feel good in the moment and make promises that you don't have intentions on keeping") and then said that they actually we're happy with me (sure coulda fooled me by how they acted most of the time) and that since this wasn't a decision that we came to together (and how dare me, a man, make a decision thinking that I know what's best for them, a woman) that we actually WEREN'T breaking up as far as they were concerned. I told them that even of we did stay together and try and work on things that every argument would always come back to this moment and that it would always be a reason for them not to trust me, and that I didn't want to be in a relationship where we both couldn't trust each other.



Look at this fuckin' *A D U L T* over here. Seriously dude, that was 101% the perfect way to handle that situation, and it's a shame that she didn't see things the same way- that could have been a very clean separation. Major props for recognizing that you were not in a healthy situation and having the respect for yourself to handle it properly. 

Good luck with the hustle; there is definitely something freeing about being in that situation. I understand the need to just vent it out too. Be kind to yourself bro, keep it easy.


----------



## broj15

Thanks for the positivity/validation y'all. It was a difficult decision and it kinda sucks right now but I know I did what was best for everyone in the long run. 
I showed a friend of mine some our texts last night of things that my ex said to me and they said that from the outside looking in it was definitely a verbally/emotionally abusive situation, which it's good to feel validation about. Honestly I feel like I had been so gaslit by my ex that I was starting to think that I was the crazy one. Not trying to say that I'm not without my own faults, because I definitely am, but I try to express my emotions as best as I can without putting to much or placing undeserved blame on the other person. 

On a more positive note, I just saw a fresh job posting for one of my favorite restaurants that's just a few blocks away from my house. I'm in there atleast twice a week and the owner doesn't know me by name, but she knows what I eat and I'm always super friendly to thier staff so hopefully that works out in my favor. Fingers crossed.


----------



## broj15

On the topic of meeting people online versus irl, I honestly have better luck with meeting people irl. In the context of a dating app or social media with gives me time to think about my messages or whatever I'm gonna say, and then I end up over analyzing everything about the situation and then I just do nothing. For example, been steady talking to this beautiful girl on tinder for the past couple days, and the conversation has been nice, but I can't bring myself to asking them to hang out in person because idk. Social anxiety, lack of confidence, blah blah blah always gets in the way. 
On the other hand, when I meet someone in person I'm forced to just kinda go into things with blind confidence (well, as much as I can muster) and not put as much thought into what I'm gonna say. It also feels more authentic, and in my experience has yielded more long term/serious relationships than meeting people online. Like if I meet someone in a social setting or something like that and they like me based on that then they're much more likely to enjoy me as a person than if they just like me based on my tinder profile or social media presence.


----------



## Albake21

broj15 said:


> On the topic of meeting people online versus irl, I honestly have better luck with meeting people irl. In the context of a dating app or social media with gives me time to think about my messages or whatever I'm gonna say, and then I end up over analyzing everything about the situation and then I just do nothing. For example, been steady talking to this beautiful girl on tinder for the past couple days, and the conversation has been nice, but I can't bring myself to asking them to hang out in person because idk. Social anxiety, lack of confidence, blah blah blah always gets in the way.
> On the other hand, when I meet someone in person I'm forced to just kinda go into things with blind confidence (well, as much as I can muster) and not put as much thought into what I'm gonna say. It also feels more authentic, and in my experience has yielded more long term/serious relationships than meeting people online. Like if I meet someone in a social setting or something like that and they like me based on that then they're much more likely to enjoy me as a person than if they just like me based on my tinder profile or social media presence.


I know this all too well, I'm the exact same way. Everyone around me talks about how online dating is much easier, that there is less anxiety from it because you talk a bit before hand. Me personally, I WAY over analyze every single message I send so when it comes down to the real thing, my anxiety is off the charts. I can't do it anymore, sadly. I have a much easier time meeting someone face to face and connecting that way. Now if only I could actually meet someone face to face....


----------



## broj15

Albake21 said:


> Now if only I could actually meet someone face to face....



See, this is the problem I have as well. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my lifestyle and wouldn't change it for anyone/anything, but I'll admit that I do live a pretty isolated life. Things usually consist of work, band practice, and hanging out with my 2 best friends/band mates/"creative life partners". Of course we'll play shows from time to time, and I'll attend shows, but most of the DIY scene already knows each other, and it feels to much like highschool despite all of us being in our mid 20's- 30's. I think I want to try and go to more events & functions this year that are more outside of my wheel house just to try and meet some new people. 

James Murphy from LCD Soundsystem actually has a really good interview where he talks about how being super jaded & cynical towards his peers held him back socially & creatively for a long time.


----------



## Albake21

broj15 said:


> See, this is the problem I have as well. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my lifestyle and wouldn't change it for anyone/anything, but I'll admit that I do live a pretty isolated life. Things usually consist of work, band practice, and hanging out with my 2 best friends/band mates/"creative life partners". Of course we'll play shows from time to time, and I'll attend shows, but most of the DIY scene already knows each other, and it feels to much like highschool despite all of us being in our mid 20's- 30's. I think I want to try and go to more events & functions this year that are more outside of my wheel house just to try and meet some new people.
> 
> James Murphy from LCD Soundsystem actually has a really good interview where he talks about how being super jaded & cynical towards his peers held him back socially & creatively for a long time.


I sure know this too well. Happen to have a link to said interview?


----------



## broj15

Got it right here


----------



## Albake21

broj15 said:


> Got it right here



Awesome man, thank you!


----------



## broj15

^^^no worries. I know that James' work isn't really the norm for this forum, but he's a great songwriter & producer and I feel like there's alot to be learned from him.

Also, at the risk of getting more off topic, I got a reply from the head chef/owner of the restaurant I was picking up shifts at and they want to hire me on full time. I'll be getting paid the same as I was at my old job, possibly more, and I'll be responsible for alot less (basically just a glorified dishwasher at the new spot). Plus the schedule will be more consistent (thursday- Sunday 3pm - close) so I'll probably pick up a couple prep shifts at my other friends restaurant.

After I get paid I fully intend to go eat at my old job just so I can leave a super fat tip to flex on everyone that still works there.


----------



## Albake21

broj15 said:


> ^^^no worries. I know that James' work isn't really the norm for this forum, but he's a great songwriter & producer and I feel like there's alot to be learned from him.
> 
> Also, at the risk of getting more off topic, I got a reply from the head chef/owner of the restaurant I was picking up shifts at and they want to hire me on full time. I'll be getting paid the same as I was at my old job, possibly more, and I'll be responsible for alot less (basically just a glorified dishwasher at the new spot). Plus the schedule will be more consistent (thursday- Sunday 3pm - close) so I'll probably pick up a couple prep shifts at my other friends restaurant.
> 
> After I get paid I fully intend to go eat at my old job just so I can leave a super fat tip to flex on everyone that still works there.


I'll for sure give it a watch after work. To be honest, I'm not really too familiar with his work, but hey I'm open to whatever.

Also good for you man, happy hear that everything seems to be working out in the end. Good luck with your new job.


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## broj15

I appreciate the kind words (this site has always been one of the most positive and supportive online communities).
And if you like the talking heads then James Murphy/LCD Soundsystem is gonna be alot like that.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

How. Fucking. Hard. IS IT??!!


----------



## Obsidian Soul

High Plains Drifter said:


> How. Fucking. Hard. IS IT??!!


In their defense,it took more effort and time for you to take the picture,upload it,and make the post.


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## High Plains Drifter

Well certainly... That's the reoccurring trend here.


----------



## TedEH

There are two things stuck on my mind that are kind of fitting for this thread.

One is the thought that as I get older, my social circles seem to be shrinking. Not just shrinking though - like they're actively becoming more distant. I have bandmates, coworkers, and.... the occasional old high school friend, and that's mostly it. And even within those people, there's not much of the day-to-day "I had a dumb thought, I need to text this to someone" kind of friends. The idea of it always kind of stings around this time of year, since holidays are all about families and close connections, and then it leads into my birthday coming up -> Which I realize is kind of juvenile to put much stock into, but it's a day that sort of punctuates those kinds of observations about who you keep around you. I've invited a bunch of people over that day, and I'll count myself lucky if any of them show up. 

I also had a moment of.... bravery? Stupidity? I don't know which one, but I had a moment last night. I was talking very briefly with someone online who is a friend of a friend, made this sort of connection in my head after the conversation that "oh shit, I've got a lot in common with this lady" and decided it was a great idea to drop a "hey, what would you say to the idea of a coffee date or something?" ....silence. Nothing but silence, because of course.  Thanks to the miracle of technology, I know the message wasn't seen until this morning, but now I just feel like a fool. A brave fool, maybe. Are fools brave by definition? Maybe not. I have this lingering feeling of "this is not how you're supposed to do that", and it's distracting me from working this morning.

Oh well.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> ... I have this lingering feeling of "this is not how you're supposed to do that", and it's distracting me from working this morning.
> 
> Oh well.


 I would say that's exactly how you're supposed to do that. You made the connection of having a lot in common with her and you jumped on the oppotunity to try to hit her up for a date without procrastination or second guessing. You went with your gut and did it. I'd say matbe you've turned a new leaf. If for some strange reason she dont want to go out just rinse and repeat the next time you get that feeling.


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## TedEH

I mean, it _seems_ on principle to have been the right idea, but this is now going on 9 hours-ish of silence. Is that normal? I have no idea. It reads to me like a "no". It feels like if she really had any interest, there would have been an immediate _something_. I put myself right back into that waiting situation that I previously said was grueling.  I was reaaaaaally hoping for a quick "yeh, why not" or the polite "thanks, but no thanks" and it would just be over. Simple. Easy. Move on.

Days like this are not so good for the ego.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> I mean, it _seems_ on principle to have been the right idea, but this is now going on 9 hours-ish of silence. Is that normal? I have no idea. It reads to me like a "no". It feels like if she really had any interest, there would have been an immediate _something_. I put myself right back into that waiting situation that I previously said was grueling.  I was reaaaaaally hoping for a quick "yeh, why not" or the polite "thanks, but no thanks" and it would just be over. Simple. Easy. Move on.
> 
> Days like this are not so good for the ego.


 Seems pretty normal to me. I never try to figure women out with this stuff. She might be thinking about it. Maybe she wants to make you sweat about it a bit. maybe she's checking with her freinds about it. Maybe she's waiting how long until you message her about it and wants to see how you handle it. That's why you just gotta be you, and do you. I'd give her at least a day or two to reply though. She may have had plans and then had to sleep, work etc and just doesn't have time to think about it yet. I'd just take it in stride. Ball is in her court. If you keep throwing balls in her court it could be a turn off.


----------



## TedEH

c7spheres said:


> Seems pretty normal to me.


¯\_(ツ)_/¯


----------



## TedEH

c7spheres said:


> I'd give her at least a day or two to reply though.


It really does seem like too long a time though.... like... is it not rude to just completely ignore a message for a full day or two? I'm talking not even acknowledging that the message happened kind of thing. Like being ghosted, basically.

It's insanely tempting to just go back to the message and reply myself with something like "I'll just take the silence as a no" and move on. Cause this just feels stupid to me.

Even if she _is _very busy, which I don't doubt... is it that much to ask for the 30 seconds to go "hey, I'll get back to you" or something. Someone who really was interested at all could find the 30 seconds in the day.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> It really does seem like too long a time though.... like... is it not rude to just completely ignore a message for a full day or two? I'm talking not even acknowledging that the message happened kind of thing. Like being ghosted, basically.
> 
> It's insanely tempting to just go back to the message and reply myself with something like "I'll just take the silence as a no" and move on. Cause this just feels stupid to me.
> 
> Even if she _is _very busy, which I don't doubt... is it that much to ask for the 30 seconds to go "hey, I'll get back to you" or something. Someone who really was interested at all could find the 30 seconds in the day.


 You're probably right, but I just don't find anyone in todays' age respectful when it comes to communicating via texts or getting back to voice mails, emails etc. (I know, who uses those last two still, right?) I gauge things more by how the person normally behaves. I wouldn't make assumptions or accusations if you feel the need to get back to her. I'd probably get back to her with something vague like; "What's up?" or less vague and repeat "What's up, so you wanna get some coffee sometime?", if you were to text back. 
- I'm personally really easy going, so if you're feeling like wanting an answer I'd probably call her and talk to her and just straight up ask her. 
- IME, most women want to be chased and fusses over a little bit. 
- If she's really easy going and cool and you're on really good terms already then you could tell her. Say; "Hey women I'm takin you out on Friday. I'll pick you up at 8:00." This alpha male bs works pretty well for some girls. I wouldn't recommend it. It's toxciity waiting to happen, but it can get results. : ) 

- Your original gut feeling for what to text her back saying "I'll just take the silence as a no" and move on. Cause this just feels stupid to me." is a good play. It's a power play and forces things to move either way pretty fast. It's like a passive agreesive alpha male approach but not overtly agressive. Maybe go with your gut? It's to hard to tell not knowing anything about her. 
- I'm no expert and just throwing a bunch of ideas and opinions out there. Only you can really feel out the situation and how you want to behave. Just trying to give different options and perspectives to you. Hope I'm helping more than not.


----------



## TedEH

c7spheres said:


> I wouldn't make assumptions or accusations if you feel the need to get back to her.


Realistically, it's 100% realistic and plausible that she just sort of... forgot? I assume she worked today. I'm probably pretty low on the list of things she's thinking about at the moment. That's.... ok, I guess?



c7spheres said:


> IME, most women want to be chased and fusses over a little bit.


I hate that kind of stuff. I really do. One of my exes once left me for a few days so that I would chase after her. I didn't chase her- instead I literally packed her things and told her to find another place to live. 



c7spheres said:


> "Hey women I'm takin you out on Friday. I'll pick you up at 8:00."


I have no confidence that this would work. I'm amused by the idea, but I really doubt that would work in my favor.



c7spheres said:


> is a good play. It's a power play


But I don't want to "make plays"... I just want to be treated decently. I feel burned out from playing games with people right now. If I'm making any kind of "power play" it's not because I'm trying to be aggressive, it's just because I want to get to the end of the interaction. That's it.


----------



## TedEH

I'm excited for the day where I never need to post in this thread again.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> ... I hate that kind of stuff. I really do. ...
> 
> But I don't want to "make plays"... I just want to be treated decently. I feel burned out from playing games with people right now. If I'm making any kind of "power play" it's not because I'm trying to be aggressive, it's just because I want to get to the end of the interaction. That's it.



I hate all that kind of stuff too. I don't think anyone wants to make plays or even look at things in this light, but you're talking about a unicorn. I want a unicorn too. They're just really rare and special. I hope you find one someday as long as it's not the same one I'm looking for : )


----------



## TedEH

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand I just learned that the plans I had for my birthday are falling apart. Nobody has any communication skills.

I think I'm going to have a drink, play some video games and just go to bed. This day needs to be over.


----------



## TedEH

I think..... I may have overreacted and feel like a fool now. 

I went back and sent another message along the lines of "I'll take the silence as a no then". Immediately get a reply that basically says "oh no, I had typed an answer and just forgot to hit enter, but sure, sounds good."

Conversation moves on to the whole when are you available thing.

I am a fool. I need to get some sleep.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

Ted, a "Hey, no pressure. Just thought it might be a fun way to spend an hour or two." next time might be better. That way it's more laid back and easy going than, "I'll take that as a no then."


----------



## TedEH

^ You're not wrong.  Lessons have been learned.


----------



## SamSam

Just send a polite message saying it's ok to say no thank you? If she's thinking no but is worried she'll upset you just ease off the potential tension and be cool.


----------



## TedEH

Well.... we had made some plans that were supposed to be tonight. Aaaand she bailed this morning.



¯\_(ツ)_/¯


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> Well.... we had made some plans that were supposed to be tonight. Aaaand she bailed this morning.
> 
> 
> 
> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Sorry to hear that, bud.


----------



## TedEH

I'm gonna go out anyway... cause I gatta get out of the house for a while. ...?


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> I'm gonna go out anyway... cause I gatta get out of the house for a while. ...?


Fuck it, dude. Close the door, open a window.


----------



## TedEH

^ I mean, I'm still gonna re-schedule.


----------



## TedEH

Ok, so maybe I need more advice for this one...
Not sure how to handle a case of someone just not being very good at answering messages in a timely way. I'll send a message... it'll be seen... no answer for hours. Sometimes a day. Sometimes more. Until I eventually message again, then the answer I get is super positive/encouraging, but then all of the sudden no answers again for a long time. I have no idea how to read this.


----------



## Adieu

TedEH said:


> Ok, so maybe I need more advice for this one...
> Not sure how to handle a case of someone just not being very good at answering messages in a timely way. I'll send a message... it'll be seen... no answer for hours. Sometimes a day. Sometimes more. Until I eventually message again, then the answer I get is super positive/encouraging, but then all of the sudden no answers again for a long time. I have no idea how to read this.



Could be a depressed or socially awkward person

Maybe someone who likes you but doesn't like messaging

Maybe even someone who likes you but doesn't like that they like you

Could also be checking for an urgent work/business/family emergency type text they're waiting on, and intentionally NOT engaging with social back and forths

Many many options to choose from here


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> Ok, so maybe I need more advice for this one...
> Not sure how to handle a case of someone just not being very good at answering messages in a timely way. I'll send a message... it'll be seen... no answer for hours. Sometimes a day. Sometimes more. Until I eventually message again, then the answer I get is super positive/encouraging, but then all of the sudden no answers again for a long time. I have no idea how to read this.


 Not to sound like a jerk, but practically everyonne I know is like this. The only time they answer quickly or reach out is when I have somthing they want or they want to focus on them and their issues, so I'm sorry. I just don't have an answer other than it's nearly impossible to change someones behavior or get them to show basic respect if they don't already have it by adulthood.


----------



## TedEH

I honestly do think she's just really busy and/or doesn't like messaging very much. Or maybe it's just what I'd like to believe. But I don't want to be that annoying person who just goes back and re-sends every message after 12hrs has gone by because a question was asked and nothing was sent back.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> Ok, so maybe I need more advice for this one...
> Not sure how to handle a case of someone just not being very good at answering messages in a timely way. I'll send a message... it'll be seen... no answer for hours. Sometimes a day. Sometimes more. Until I eventually message again, then the answer I get is super positive/encouraging, but then all of the sudden no answers again for a long time. I have no idea how to read this.


Fearful of flakey flighty female, rightly. Pass, dude.


----------



## TedEH

I'm gonna meet up with her anyway, but keeping my expectations in check, I suppose.

There are things that make me hesitant to just drop it-

For one - in person, she's great. We're talking great music taste, someone who doesn't hate video games for a change, we have a few mutual friends already, etc. Like, this is the kind of person I want around. Someone I don't have to be like "oh yeah, I play in a band where people scream vaguely offensive things really loudly for reasons", because she already goes to those shows.

But also - from what I understand, she has the kind of job where the crunch is real at the moment. I got a message this morning that basically said work was right at the end of a deadline, but she's going to try to make it out tomorrow anyway. I work in a place that's kind of shielded from that kind of thing, but in an industry where I see people get burnt pretty regularly by that kind of thing, so I get it.

Maybe it's not a good enough excuse, but who knows. If my choice is to meet up anyway and just not put much stock in where it goes from there, vs. just staying home and doing nothing at all, I'll take the outing.


----------



## Kwert

TedEH said:


> Ok, so maybe I need more advice for this one...
> Not sure how to handle a case of someone just not being very good at answering messages in a timely way. I'll send a message... it'll be seen... no answer for hours. Sometimes a day. Sometimes more. Until I eventually message again, then the answer I get is super positive/encouraging, but then all of the sudden no answers again for a long time. I have no idea how to read this.



I think a few hours or a day isn’t really a big deal. This is difficult especially these days, when we’re used to immediate responses, but ultimately some people aren’t as tied to their devices. When it gets to be multiple days, sometimes almost a week, I think that’s problematic for sure.


----------



## TedEH

Yeh, I think there's definitely a lesson here that I just need to chill a bit sometimes. I'm so used to being very connected to everything - my phone is always on, and on me. I'm very reachable. It's not reaaaaally reasonable to expect everyone to be the same.


----------



## Kwert

TedEH said:


> Yeh, I think there's definitely a lesson here that I just need to chill a bit sometimes. I'm so used to being very connected to everything - my phone is always on, and on me. I'm very reachable. It's not reaaaaally reasonable to expect everyone to be the same.




I was very much the same way for quite some time (and still get a bit iffy every now and again). If someone didn't respond within an hour I would start to get super anxious, and 95% of the time it was just in my own head. It's easier to just chill and let someone respond at their own pace, but it takes a bit of time to get used to doing that. Like I said though... I still think there's a limit to that. If someone's taking days to respond I think that's a bit problematic.


----------



## TedEH

Well.... I got bailed on again.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I think I give up.


----------



## c7spheres

Sorry for this long ass post, but I need some input on this. It's a big deal to me.

So I never thought I'd be posting here but I have a situation. Not with a girl I'm intersted in, but I didn't know where else to post this.
- So I'm talking to a girl I know as a friend, but not a really good freind, more like and aquaintance that I've got into some deeper talks with on occasion, but not like this deep. Apparently she REALLY confides in what I say and takes it with way more weight than I've realized.
- So I'm talking to her and she drops a hot potato shit bomb on me about how she's pregnant from her boyfreind of about a year. I already knew this and he knows everyone knows this too. Everyone has been very happy for them and excited about them having first child. They don't know the sex, she is only about a month along.

- She drops the bomb on me tonight since we found ourselves alone talking again how she has been thinking of leaving him, not because she has any problems with him or anything, but because she wants an abortion. She seems absolutely dead set on her plan of having a secret abortion and then telling him it was a miscarriage, then leaving him. She says she's realized she is to young and hasn't done anything with her life and though he is a good man and everything she still wants to explore her life and do things and travel etc. The pregnancy was an "accident" etc. She's being totally selfish, imo. She has thought about it since the second she knew she was pregnant and talked to her best freind (woman with 5 kids) and her freind is trying everything to convince her not to. So she's coming to me for some type of confimation from the vibe I get, and I sure as hell ain't giving it to her.

- The problem I'm having is that her best freind is keeping it a secret from everyone, including her boyfreind (fiance actually) and now this girl drops the bomb on me and tells me I have to keep it a secret from everyone too (including her best freind too). WTF! I told her I wish she kept me outta this shit and I can't guarantee in good conscience any type of secret and that's the risk you took telling me. I told her for now I won't say anything, but she better think a lot harder about this decision and this is some major shit she will always have feelings, regrets and problems with the rest of her life regardless if she goes forward with all this or not.
- I don't know her boyfreind at all really. I've met him like three times and small talked with him for about and hour total. He seems like the good guy everyone says he is.
- My conundrum is what to do. Go ahead and talk to the boyfreind/best freind next time/ IF I see them again (I have no way to get in touch with either of them and don't know enough about them to track them down) etc. I guess I could try waiting for him in a parking lot for when she gets off work. I know he sometimes picks her up. 
- What I did tell her is that if you do this to never tell anyone anything about it if you do go through with it and to lie to your best freind to and tell her you actually did miscarry and didn't get the abortion so it can't ever come out.
For some background on my decision of why Itold her what I did:
- Fucked up enough, and on a personal note, a similar thing happened to me almost 25 years ago, except the girl "cheated" on me with a freind at the time. They played it off in a way that she broke up with me because she "fell in love" with him and they got pregnant together months later but decided to have an abortion. I never saw them again so I didn't make much of it. They had this whole fucking thing orchestrated so other mutual friends would show up at party's and make like they randomly were bringing them up in conversations letting me know they're still "going out" etc., eventually bringing it up that they were pregnant and then leading to "their" abortion part. Thing is they never actually went out. It was a whole orchestration to hide it from me. Why I will never know. Maybe in case the word abortion came up or someone said something I'd think it was theirs not mine? I don't understand why the effort to do all this. I'm thinking she told to many people and they made up shit to cover themselves maybe. I found out about 7 years later from a distant mutual freind I hadn't seen for years who mentioned her in passing when I randomly saw him at the bar. He brought it up and was saying how fucked up that shit was they did that to you etc. I'm like yea people cheat, I'm over it now. And then he told me everything else like I was a preist or something. I didn't believe him, but later confirmed (it took like 4-5 years more to confirm everything) through other people who also knew and admitted it to me as well eventually. Holy shit! That hit me hard. I literally was seeing red and wanted to kill people. I still think about it (not killing people) like literally multiple times a day. I would rather have never known anything. It serioulsy messed me up in a lot of ways.
- That's why I told this girl what I did, to protect her boyfreind. Another part of me thinks maybe he has the right to know even though it will probably fuck him up as well. I don't want anyone to have to go through this, but I think maybe if I tell him, since it's not to late, I can let him handle it how he wants and make his own choises. Maybe he'll convince her not to do it, but then again, maybe he'll kill her or some crazy shit.
- What should I do!?


----------



## TedEH

c7spheres said:


> What should I do!?


If this is just some vague acquaintance, then I say do nothing. It's not your problem. If you're asked for advice, sure, give whatever advice you might have, but at the end of the day it doesn't fall on you to do anything at all.

The thing that gets to me is all the games and secrecy around the whole thing. You don't have to carry around all this baggage if you don't lie to people in the first place. I get that people have their opinions, but if you're that set on something like an abortion, just do it and be honest about it. If you're that set on splitting up with someone, just do it, and be honest about it. Life is difficult, people are complicated, and everyone needs to just own up to their shit.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

c7spheres said:


> Sorry for this long ass post, but I need some input on this. It's a big deal to me.
> 
> So I never thought I'd be posting here but I have a situation. Not with a girl I'm intersted in, but I didn't know where else to post this.
> - So I'm talking to a girl I know as a friend, but not a really good freind, more like and aquaintance that I've got into some deeper talks with on occasion, but not like this deep. Apparently she REALLY confides in what I say and takes it with way more weight than I've realized.
> - So I'm talking to her and she drops a hot potato shit bomb on me about how she's pregnant from her boyfreind of about a year. I already knew this and he knows everyone knows this too. Everyone has been very happy for them and excited about them having first child. They don't know the sex, she is only about a month along.
> 
> - She drops the bomb on me tonight since we found ourselves alone talking again how she has been thinking of leaving him, not because she has any problems with him or anything, but because she wants an abortion. She seems absolutely dead set on her plan of having a secret abortion and then telling him it was a miscarriage, then leaving him. She says she's realized she is to young and hasn't done anything with her life and though he is a good man and everything she still wants to explore her life and do things and travel etc. The pregnancy was an "accident" etc. She's being totally selfish, imo. She has thought about it since the second she knew she was pregnant and talked to her best freind (woman with 5 kids) and her freind is trying everything to convince her not to. So she's coming to me for some type of confimation from the vibe I get, and I sure as hell ain't giving it to her.
> 
> - The problem I'm having is that her best freind is keeping it a secret from everyone, including her boyfreind (fiance actually) and now this girl drops the bomb on me and tells me I have to keep it a secret from everyone too (including her best freind too). WTF! I told her I wish she kept me outta this shit and I can't guarantee in good conscience any type of secret and that's the risk you took telling me. I told her for now I won't say anything, but she better think a lot harder about this decision and this is some major shit she will always have feelings, regrets and problems with the rest of her life regardless if she goes forward with all this or not.
> - I don't know her boyfreind at all really. I've met him like three times and small talked with him for about and hour total. He seems like the good guy everyone says he is.
> - My conundrum is what to do. Go ahead and talk to the boyfreind/best freind next time/ IF I see them again (I have no way to get in touch with either of them and don't know enough about them to track them down) etc. I guess I could try waiting for him in a parking lot for when she gets off work. I know he sometimes picks her up.
> - What I did tell her is that if you do this to never tell anyone anything about it if you do go through with it and to lie to your best freind to and tell her you actually did miscarry and didn't get the abortion so it can't ever come out.
> For some background on my decision of why Itold her what I did:
> - Fucked up enough, and on a personal note, a similar thing happened to me almost 25 years ago, except the girl "cheated" on me with a freind at the time. They played it off in a way that she broke up with me because she "fell in love" with him and they got pregnant together months later but decided to have an abortion. I never saw them again so I didn't make much of it. They had this whole fucking thing orchestrated so other mutual friends would show up at party's and make like they randomly were bringing them up in conversations letting me know they're still "going out" etc., eventually bringing it up that they were pregnant and then leading to "their" abortion part. Thing is they never actually went out. It was a whole orchestration to hide it from me. Why I will never know. Maybe in case the word abortion came up or someone said something I'd think it was theirs not mine? I don't understand why the effort to do all this. I'm thinking she told to many people and they made up shit to cover themselves maybe. I found out about 7 years later from a distant mutual freind I hadn't seen for years who mentioned her in passing when I randomly saw him at the bar. He brought it up and was saying how fucked up that shit was they did that to you etc. I'm like yea people cheat, I'm over it now. And then he told me everything else like I was a preist or something. I didn't believe him, but later confirmed (it took like 4-5 years more to confirm everything) through other people who also knew and admitted it to me as well eventually. Holy shit! That hit me hard. I literally was seeing red and wanted to kill people. I still think about it (not killing people) like literally multiple times a day. I would rather have never known anything. It serioulsy messed me up in a lot of ways.
> - That's why I told this girl what I did, to protect her boyfreind. Another part of me thinks maybe he has the right to know even though it will probably fuck him up as well. I don't want anyone to have to go through this, but I think maybe if I tell him, since it's not to late, I can let him handle it how he wants and make his own choises. Maybe he'll convince her not to do it, but then again, maybe he'll kill her or some crazy shit.
> - What should I do!?



After I make a few observations that resonate with me, I'll step aside cause I know this thread is sometimes just venting and a lotta times ppl don't genuinely appreciate the experience and genuine honesty of others... I get that. 

But okay- "I wish she kept me outta this shit". That right there is the ultimate correct feeling/ response and I would at this point ( more than ever) stay the fuck out of this. Should you confront the boyfriend/ fiance about ANY of this? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOT! No other way to put it but don't put yourself into a situation like this. This is absolutely not your "deal" and involving yourself benefits no one in any way.. ESPECIALLY not you. Please don't influence this girl in any way. The whole business of her thinking that she knows how things might be or how she's going to feel about any of this 5 years/ 10 years/ 20 years down the road.. I guarantee is HIGHLY unlikely... People change. 

Not to assume too much but I think ( at least from what you've said) that #1; You are obviously able to relate to some of this due to what you have been thru but that in no way means that you should get any further involved. Every person and situation is vastly different and this thing should only encompass two people at this time... him and her ( and whoever else may have some responsibility or something invested in this). And #2; I believe that because she has confided in you (and in doing so has created some mutual trust, sympathy, validation, etc) that you are maybe compromising your better judgement. I hope that doesn't sound harsh. You're obviously a smart dude with a great deal of common sense and integrity.

Anyway... Whatever you do, please... Just look at things objectively and always act in YOUR best interest.. That's not saying "Be selfish!"... She's fortunate to have someone like you to confide in. I simply feel that you should remain supportive but uninvolved at best. Good luck, dude. I really hope that things work out.


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

High Plains Drifter said:


> Should you confront the boyfriend/ fiance about ANY of this? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOT!



110%. This whole thing is cover-to-cover-not-your-business. Your pal has some issues she needs to work out with her relationship, and they're scary ones, so she pulled you in for backup. Well yeah; that sucks- because these situations are ones you need to handle on your own. _Keep your mouth *shut*_. Whether or not this guy is cool or not and doesn't deserve any of this is irrelevant- it's none of your business to the nth power. The reason why what happened to you years ago was so shitty was because people butted their heads in and made your business their business. If you get involved in this, that's what you're doing, whether it's for the right reason or not. 

If she mentions this topic again or asks you anything, simply inform her that you wish she would talk about this with her man, that you don't want to be involved, that you will support her in her decision, but wish that she would leave you out of her decision-making process.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> If this is just some vague acquaintance, then I say do nothing. It's not your problem. If you're asked for advice, sure, give whatever advice you might have, but at the end of the day it doesn't fall on you to do anything at all.
> 
> The thing that gets to me is all the games and secrecy around the whole thing. You don't have to carry around all this baggage if you don't lie to people in the first place. I get that people have their opinions, but if you're that set on something like an abortion, just do it and be honest about it. If you're that set on splitting up with someone, just do it, and be honest about it. Life is difficult, people are complicated, and everyone needs to just own up to their shit.





High Plains Drifter said:


> After I make a few observations that resonate with me, I'll step aside cause I know this thread is sometimes just venting and a lotta times ppl don't genuinely appreciate the experience and genuine honesty of others... I get that.
> 
> But okay- "I wish she kept me outta this shit". That right there is the ultimate correct feeling/ response and I would at this point ( more than ever) stay the fuck out of this. Should you confront the boyfriend/ fiance about ANY of this? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOT! No other way to put it but don't put yourself into a situation like this. This is absolutely not your "deal" and involving yourself benefits no one in any way.. ESPECIALLY not you. Please don't influence this girl in any way. The whole business of her thinking that she knows how things might be or how she's going to feel about any of this 5 years/ 10 years/ 20 years down the road.. I guarantee is HIGHLY unlikely... People change.
> 
> Not to assume too much but I think ( at least from what you've said) that #1; You are obviously able to relate to some of this due to what you have been thru but that in no way means that you should get any further involved. Every person and situation is vastly different and this thing should only encompass two people at this time... him and her ( and whoever else may have some responsibility or something invested in this). And #2; I believe that because she has confided in you (and in doing so has created some mutual trust, sympathy, validation, etc) that you are maybe compromising your better judgement. I hope that doesn't sound harsh. You're obviously a smart dude with a great deal of common sense and integrity.
> 
> Anyway... Whatever you do, please... Just look at things objectively and always act in YOUR best interest.. That's not saying "Be selfish!"... She's fortunate to have someone like you to confide in. I simply feel that you should remain supportive but uninvolved at best. Good luck, dude. I really hope that things work out.





Ordacleaphobia said:


> 110%. This whole thing is cover-to-cover-not-your-business. Your pal has some issues she needs to work out with her relationship, and they're scary ones, so she pulled you in for backup. Well yeah; that sucks- because these situations are ones you need to handle on your own. _Keep your mouth *shut*_. Whether or not this guy is cool or not and doesn't deserve any of this is irrelevant- it's none of your business to the nth power. The reason why what happened to you years ago was so shitty was because people butted their heads in and made your business their business. If you get involved in this, that's what you're doing, whether it's for the right reason or not.
> 
> If she mentions this topic again or asks you anything, simply inform her that you wish she would talk about this with her man, that you don't want to be involved, that you will support her in her decision, but wish that she would leave you out of her decision-making process.




Thanks for all your input guys! It's helping me see a little bit more clear now, but I still have some underlying things going on. Probably due to it stirring up old emotions. How strange it feels to be bullet pointing abortion. Here's some things going through my head: Any input is welcome. I really want to do the right thing for everyone, including the fetus who has the most to loose here.
- Mainly the fact that this is a potential life, and unlike my past experience, this is stlil a fetus with a chance at life, if someone were to know it existed. Should it not have every fighting chance to live? Who's fighting for it other than this girls best friend? Maybe that's enough? Don't children deserve every chance at life they can get?
- I also believe in the womens right to choose as well. It's her body etc.
- She could always give it up for adoption.
- This wasn't my problem, but she made it my problem. Now she's fucking with my life too.
- This person hasn't earned the right to command my silence. I mean who does she think she is? I'll say whatever I want to whoever I want. She's in no position to tell me to be silent, and is basically stupid for putting this amount of trust in me. We are not anywhere near this close as freinds or aquaintance, but I respect she came to me.
- Maybe the boyfreind should know. Then I can clear my conscious and they can argue it out. Whatever happens is then not on me. They made their own beds. Keep me out of it.
- If I say nothing now I gotta live with it. Why did you put this guilt trip on me type shit is gonna come up in my life now. Now I'm guilty.
- How do I make good with everyone?
- If someone is getting burned in life, it's gonna be her not me. It's her choice and I don't have to live with the consequences of her actions. By not fighting for an unborn I will feel really guilty about it.
- How do I cleear my conscious of all this and do the right thing?

- What's really tripping me out here is that I'm almost in the same exact position as my ex girlfriends' freinds (mutual freinds at the time) were in way back then, except I'm not being sneeky and lying to people and being fucked up, but I feel that if I don't say anything it's like I'm becoming them. So I'm kinda surmising that by keeping this secret I'm basically becoming like one of those people that lied to me way back in the day. It's like I'm being fated to live both roles in my life here. It's really not good and I don't want to be like them. It's like god's testeing me or something for lack of a better way of looking at it.
- Right now what I'm thinking of doing is being more aggresssive toward this girl if she won't drop the issue, meaning this: If she starts up with this subject again I will nicely and respectfully say my peace to her about how I feel about it and that I think she needs to either do it and do what I was explaining in the original post, or she needs to have it and shut her mouth about what she thought about doing, or adopt it out. I'll tell her I don't want to be any part of it and if she says anything more about it I'll tell everyone I know about it so she needs to shut the fuck up and it's up to her to keep her freind and boyfirend away from me so I don't tell them. So she will need at that point to keep everyone away from me. Since I don't have any way to track them down I will not seek them out and tell them, but I will know that if I do see them I will tell them if I feel like it. This way my conscious is clear in that I'm not keeping the lie and being the deciever, becoming one of those people that hurt me so long ago, I'm not betraying her as well as long she can keep them away from me. So basically it will be left up to fate again how this all pans out.
- What are your thoughts on my reasoning and insights to what's happening here?


----------



## TedEH

c7spheres said:


> I really want to do the right thing for everyone


The right thing, IMO, is to stay as far out of it as you can.



c7spheres said:


> I also believe in the womens right to choose as well


All of the advice to run the other way is in support of this belief.



c7spheres said:


> This person hasn't earned the right to command my silence.


I agree with you on this one. If someone asks you anything, I see no reason for you to be dishonest. But I also see no reason for you to actively tell anyone. Again, just remove yourself from the situation.


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## Obsidian Soul

I come here to read and live vicariously through you guys because lately I have solidified the notion that relationships are just not for me,on my end and the woman's end.I've posted here awhile ago but have since come to the consenus that I shouldn't share personal information on the internet.All the best of of luck to the rest of you!


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## Ordacleaphobia

Alright dude, here's my  -



c7spheres said:


> - Mainly the fact that this is a potential life, and unlike my past experience, this is stlil a fetus with a chance at life, if someone were to know it existed. Should it not have every fighting chance to live? Who's fighting for it other than this girls best friend? Maybe that's enough? Don't children deserve every chance at life they can get?
> - I also believe in the womens right to choose as well. It's her body etc.



Touchy subject. One of the touchiest subjects, actually. If you squint at this quote a little, it almost looks like you're trying to talk yourself into urging her to keep it.
Don't.
That runs counter to both the second bullet in the quote, as well as our stated goal of not being included further than we need to be.
Listen, I understand that this is a topic that most people have some very strong feelings on and I'm not trying to take a position on either side of that fence, but what I absolutely will shout from the rooftops is that this kind of decision should be left 100% to the prospective parents. And if she doesn't want to include him in her decision, that's really sad and I feel terrible for this guy, but that's her right, and for you to insert yourself into that dynamic would be hugely destructive. Not to mention that if you start to push her one way or another and she happens to take your advice and finds herself unhappy, you _*will*_ feel terrible and you _*will*_ beat yourself up over it. I know it's difficult, but just...don't. It's a raw and deeply personal story that I have no intentions of getting into, but I've been on the other side of this situation before, and trust me, an outsider's opinion is as unwelcome as it gets.



> - She could always give it up for adoption.
> - This wasn't my problem, but she made it my problem. Now she's fucking with my life too.
> - This person hasn't earned the right to command my silence. I mean who does she think she is? I'll say whatever I want to whoever I want. She's in no position to tell me to be silent, and is basically stupid for putting this amount of trust in me. We are not anywhere near this close as freinds or aquaintance, but I respect she came to me.
> - Maybe the boyfreind should know. Then I can clear my conscious and they can argue it out. Whatever happens is then not on me. They made their own beds. Keep me out of it.



This is another block that comes across as somewhat inconsistent.
Of course could do adoption, but unless you're talking about just letting her know that that's an option, I'd group that up with the first block of text. DO NOT ADVISE on any specific course of action; if you must touch on these topics, just make sure that she's well informed and confident in her decision. She may have involved you, but she didn't make it your problem. You can still get out. As far as I can tell, she isn't asking you to do anything other than respect her request for silence which, while I'd say it's definitely ill-advised, is for sure understandable. It could be that she just don't want to risk confiding in people that are closer to her because she knows their stakes are higher and may be less prone to stay quiet. Who knows. All I know for sure is if you follow through on that last bulletpoint, the last thing anybody is going to do is keep you out of it. That'd be kicking the hornet's nest. I agree, he should know, and she should definitely tell him. You however? Don't.



> - If I say nothing now I gotta live with it. Why did you put this guilt trip on me type shit is gonna come up in my life now. Now I'm guilty.
> - How do I make good with everyone?
> - If someone is getting burned in life, it's gonna be her not me. It's her choice and I don't have to live with the consequences of her actions. By not fighting for an unborn I will feel really guilty about it.
> - How do I cleear my conscious of all this and do the right thing?



Obviously I don't know you and I certainly don't know her; I didn't hear the conversation but it certainly didn't sound like a guilt trip to me.
Your best chance at 'making good with everyone' would be getting her to talk to her man. That's your win condition. And good fucking luck with that one. That's gunna take some investment on your part. If that's what you need to do to clear your conscience, you need to figure out which is more important to you: a clear conscience, or not being involved- because getting her to face him is going to take time and effort. Again, you ask me? Don't. You told her that her actions would have consequences. She is informed. What she does at that point is on her. You don't get to accept any blame for her actions. You did your part.



> - What's really tripping me out here is that I'm almost in the same exact position as my ex girlfriends' freinds (mutual freinds at the time) were in way back then, except I'm not being sneeky and lying to people and being fucked up, but I feel that if I don't say anything it's like I'm becoming them. So I'm kinda surmising that by keeping this secret I'm basically becoming like one of those people that lied to me way back in the day. It's like I'm being fated to live both roles in my life here. It's really not good and I don't want to be like them. It's like god's testeing me or something for lack of a better way of looking at it.
> - Right now what I'm thinking of doing is being more aggresssive toward this girl if she won't drop the issue, meaning this: If she starts up with this subject again I will nicely and respectfully say my peace to her about how I feel about it and that I think she needs to either do it and do what I was explaining in the original post, or she needs to have it and shut her mouth about what she thought about doing, or adopt it out. I'll tell her I don't want to be any part of it and if she says anything more about it I'll tell everyone I know about it so she needs to shut the fuck up and it's up to her to keep her freind and boyfirend away from me so I don't tell them. So she will need at that point to keep everyone away from me. Since I don't have any way to track them down I will not seek them out and tell them, but I will know that if I do see them I will tell them if I feel like it. This way my conscious is clear in that I'm not keeping the lie and being the deciever, becoming one of those people that hurt me so long ago, I'm not betraying her as well as long she can keep them away from me. So basically it will be left up to fate again how this all pans out.
> - What are your thoughts on my reasoning and insights to what's happening here?



For starters- no. That doesn't in any way shape or form make you like them. You aren't manipulating people, you aren't trying to trick someone into believing one thing or another, and you aren't fucking with his life. Do _*NOT*_ do what you are describing here. This woman came to you because she feels alone. She likely doesn't feel secure enough to talk about this to most if not all of her close family and friends. She's having a major personal crisis right now and needs help and stability, not for someone to kinda-threaten her with information that she told you in confidence. You'd be putting this poor girl through the wringer and making her situation much more difficult than it needed to be.

Have you spoken with her about her man? It sounded like the big reason she wants to split is because of the child. If she doesn't have any issues with this guy aside from the pregnancy, I would advise her to be candid with him about how she's panicking, doesn't feel ready, and would like to terminate. She doesn't have to leave him; it's never a guaranteed all or nothing. Her hesitance is one of the most understandable things people can encounter, period. Everyone understands that kind of panic. If they have a healthy relationship, it's entirely possible that he supports her in her decision, and they start over, together. If she wants to leave him anyway, where is the risk?


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## c7spheres

Thanks man. I really appreciate this. Now that a little time has passed and all of you guys have given some input I think I now have a more clear head and more stable plan of action. There is still some time to work with here.



Ordacleaphobia said:


> Your best chance at 'making good with everyone' would be getting her to talk to her man. That's your win condition. .... You told her that her actions would have consequences. She is informed. What she does at that point is on her. You don't get to accept any blame for her actions. You did your part.



You're totally right. She is informed, she is aware of adoption and everything and everyone involved. Trying to encourage her to talk to her man is the best condition. No threats or actions on my part, only encouragement to talk to her man.



Ordacleaphobia said:


> Have you spoken with her about her man? It sounded like the big reason she wants to split is because of the child. If she doesn't have any issues with this guy aside from the pregnancy, I would advise her to be candid with him about how she's panicking, doesn't feel ready, and would like to terminate. She doesn't have to leave him; it's never a guaranteed all or nothing. Her hesitance is one of the most understandable things people can encounter, period. Everyone understands that kind of panic. If they have a healthy relationship, it's entirely possible that he supports her in her decision, and they start over, together. If she wants to leave him anyway, where is the risk?..........This woman came to you because she feels alone. She likely doesn't feel secure enough to talk about this to most if not all of her close family and friends. She's having a major personal crisis right now and needs help and stability, not for someone to kinda-threaten her with information that she told you in confidence. You'd be putting this poor girl through the wringer and making her situation much more difficult than it needed to be.



I get the vibe from her that this is the case. I did tell her she really needs to work it out with him, but she was basically dead-set on going through with this plan. I need to encourage her more to talk to him and bring these points you mention to light. Pretty much the kind of points I was looking for. Thanks. I've never seen or heard of them having any problems and they're engaged and everyone is really happy for them. It's pretty out of left field. I'm guessing that she is probably scared to talk to him about this, still loves him, and is afraid to have a baby so is having thoughts of abortion. Maybe she doesn't want a baby, maybe she does, but either way I'm betting I'm right about the rest of it. I really need to then encourage her to talk to her man and bring these points to light and let it go from there. All I can say is my 2 cents and then let it go, and I'll let her know that's what I'm doing, and to leave me out of it after I say my peace.



Ordacleaphobia said:


> For starters- no. That doesn't in any way shape or form make you like them. You aren't manipulating people, you aren't trying to trick someone into believing one thing or another, and you aren't fucking with his life. Do _*NOT*_ do what you are describing here.


 Thanks for this. I was feeling that by not saying something to him I'm like those others were to me. But now by talking to her and basically putting the responsiblity back on her (which,imo, is where it should be) I can't have any guilt about it. It will be all back on her to involve him or not. If I do see him though it's gonna be very uncomfortable to me. I will ask him how it's going (like in general, not specifically). It's up to him if he wants to mention anything about this stuff at all to me.

All you guys. Thank you very much for all your input. It helped me to sort through some details, not get to emotional and quickly regain as level a head as I could ask for. I normally don't get like this but I think my past experience got intertwined here and made it difficult for me to sort it out myself. I really appreciate it. As things progress I'll keep anything significant updated here so you guys know how it turns out. Thanks again!


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## TedEH

I finally got to meet up with the person with whom it was hard to schedule things. Turns out my suspicion about being in a work crunch was right. And I felt kinda bad for potentially making a stressful week more stressful for someone. But it was nice anyway. The effort was there and my day was made.

Moral of the story: Text is a poor way to communicate. Don't read too far into things.


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## c7spheres

So I finally saw that girl that wanted the abortion again. She went through with it already and got the abortion. I never saw her in between last time I posted so I never got the chance to encourage her to talk to her man. Now she's going to break up with him too. She hasn't talked to him in 3 weeks or so and is asking me how to break up with him? I said to her why break up with him since everything is fine and you didn't have a problem with him and everything was fine according to you last time we talked. She said he's not the cup for her tea or some bs like that. I told her it's not my business and she needs to be mature about it and grow up because she's acting like a middle school kid and to figure it out yourself, but I'd at least give him the respect to talk face to face and not do it via text. Oh, and the kicker is she apparently has a some attraction to me all of a sudden! WTF! I told her I hardl know her, I'm not intersted in unstable emotional roller coasters, I'm old enough to be your dad, and your not mature enough for me (in a nutshell). I told her I don't want to talk to her for a while and to work your issues and maybe get some professional help. She's obviously damaged and needs some professional help from how I saw it. I think she's got some alcohol and drug issues that are beyond self help at this point, and I'm long done with that stuff, so I had to just tell her my two cents and let her go. Maybe I'll see her in the coming months or years and hopefully she is stable at that point. I'm so sick of this same revolving door. I just don't have energy for any of this, especially for people that aren't even close to me. I gotta look out for myself more. I've already given way to much to people. Thanks for letting me rant.


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## TedEH

c7spheres said:


> I gotta look out for myself more.


Today is as good a day as any to remember to be good to yourself. Whatever that happens to mean in whatever context.

If anyone cares about whatever happened with the last story I told:
Met once. Went ok. Asked for a second outing. Reply was basically "been dealing with stuff, so I can't answer right now". Ran into her at a couple of things but it never progressed past that. I've been debating asking again, or whether or not the previous answer I got was supposed to be a subtle "no thanks" without having to say no. It's been too busy a week to focus on that kind of stuff, but maybe next week I can see if there's any interest again. Or maybe not. Who knows.

I feel like my weird confidence and enthusiasm boost from a while back has sort of been exhausted. I'm pretty low on both of those at the moment. But, it is what it is.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> .....Today is as good a day as any to remember to be good to yourself


 Oh crap! It's Valentines day!


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## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> Today is as good a day as any to remember to be good to yourself. Whatever that happens to mean in whatever context.
> 
> If anyone cares about whatever happened with the last story I told:
> Met once. Went ok. Asked for a second outing. Reply was basically "been dealing with stuff, so I can't answer right now". Ran into her at a couple of things but it never progressed past that. I've been debating asking again, or whether or not the previous answer I got was supposed to be a subtle "no thanks" without having to say no. It's been too busy a week to focus on that kind of stuff, but maybe next week I can see if there's any interest again. Or maybe not. Who knows.
> 
> I feel like my weird confidence and enthusiasm boost from a while back has sort of been exhausted. I'm pretty low on both of those at the moment. But, it is what it is.
> 
> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


This:


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## TedEH

You're not wrong. We do kind of have some (entirely not dating related) upcoming plans still - myself, her, and my guitarist have tickets to see Hevy Devy in Montreal in a few weeks, about a 2 hour drive, and I'm the one driving. They were plans made before any of the above story. If nothing else, I still expect it to be a good day - chill with some cool people, see a good show, etc. I'm quite excited for that.


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## cwhitey2

So I recently met this girl. We have crossed paths several times and have mutual friends, but we never spoke to each other (I would always see her on dates that's why I never made any 'moves'). Well the other night at the local brewery, which we both frequent, we finally sat close enough to each other to have an actual conversation. I haven't gotten butterflies in 12 years and finally go them again, almost forgot what they felt like. Anyways, we talked for about 2 hours and I happened to mention to her that I was having dinner at a local restaurant where friend works and that if she wasn't doing anything she should stop by for dinner and some wine. Well wouldn't you know it she actually showed up. I was actually surprised when she showed up...I thought for sure I would be eating alone! We have been talking pretty frequent and plan on hanging out again tonight, so hopefully that will go when.

Just when I thought I was about to give up on meeting someone (I'm 32 and feel like 'all the good ones are taken'), I meet her. Mind you I'm not one to go out of my way chasing someone like a 15 year old. Be an adult and have a conversation about it and don't try to force anything. If it happens it happens, if not...well then it's not meant to be.


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## High Plains Drifter

^^^ Really have my fingers crossed for you. I know all too well that whole "all the good ones are taken" thing. Maybe there's one left!


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## Millul

Man, I'm 36 in a few months and I haven't given up!
Haven't felt the butterflies in a LOOONG time myself, definitely hope everything goes well for you with this one!


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## cwhitey2

Thanks guys!  So Friday went fantastic! I had to go out of town Sat for work, but we hung out last night. Watched Step Brothers  She said she hated Will Ferrell, but was willing to give it a shot and she thoroughly enjoyed it. After the movie we sat there and talked for about another 3 hours while listening to Explosions in the Sky (she like music I like, winning). We are both horrible at reading body language so we couldn't read each other signals  , but I just flat out told her I wanted to kiss her and her reaction was "I didn't think you were into me/why did it take you so long"  ). So needless to say I had one of the best weekends I have had in years.

I think I might need to go to a doctor to have them look at my heart palpitations now


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## cwhitey2

I figured I would give the couple of you that care an update 

Since my last post everything has been going great! Almost like it's a dream...it's a weird feeling that I'm not used to, but I like it. We hang out 2-4 times a week depending on schedules. She's so easy to be around and it's awesome. We have way to much in common, but that's nice. One of my big things is craft beer (I work part-time for a local brewery). She's into beer, so that's huge for me since it's part of my daily life. The only thing we don't have in common is a love for metal  no surprise there really, but she appreciates instrumental music which is AWESOME, because other than metal that's all I listen to.

It's just finally nice to meet someone and not have to feel like you're faking it or lying to yourself to make it work. Our relationship just works.


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## High Plains Drifter

So cool, brother! Music doesn't matter in the least. Puke-pop type stuff for my wife and doom/ metal/ psychedelic for me. What's really cool though is when we discover something that we BOTH like... and that happens more often than I ever would've thought going into this relationship. That's what I love about music.. so many bands and styles and genres that eventually you discover some overlap or bridge that creates even more of an unexpected bond in the relationship. Really happy to hear the positivity of your update.


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## cwhitey2

High Plains Drifter said:


> So cool, brother! Music doesn't matter in the least. Puke-pop type stuff for my wife and doom/ metal/ psychedelic for me. What's really cool though is when we discover something that we BOTH like... and that happens more often than I ever would've thought going into this relationship. That's what I love about music.. so many bands and styles and genres that eventually you discover some overlap or bridge that creates even more of an unexpected bond in the relationship. Really happy to hear the positivity of your update.


Exactly and thank you!

Food is another BIG one. I'm extremely open to food and so is she. I know so many people who refuse to get out of their little comfort zone box of food and it's so sad. There are so great things to eat in this world 


I feel like things are actually starting to fall into place in my life instead of fall apart hahaha


----------



## p0ke

Yeah, you definitely don't need to like the same music for a relationship to work. My wife can't stand metal and I can't stand some of the stuff she likes, but there's a middle ground with stuff we both like. And I guess we're both slowly learning to live with each other's music too


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## Ordacleaphobia

Welp, my one-itis ex just messaged me after a year of silence to tell me she got engaged last month.
Kind of incredible considering we were together for the better part of 5 years and she always had commitment issues, and assuming she got with this guy the day after we separated, it'd be almost a year for them now.

Circumstances behind the split were too complicated and personal to get into here, but tl;dr is that neither of us wanted to split but we kind of were forced to. I thought I had accepted that things were over and done with and that it was inevitable that she was going to go out and find someone that wasn't me to make her happy, but goddamn this cuts deep.


----------



## MFB

I don't know what kind of person she is, but as a non-involved third party, that sounds like a really weird, bordering on malicious/spiteful thing to do


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## Spaced Out Ace

Ordacleaphobia said:


> Welp, my one-itis ex just messaged me after a year of silence to tell me she got engaged last month.
> Kind of incredible considering we were together for the better part of 5 years and she always had commitment issues, and assuming she got with this guy the day after we separated, it'd be almost a year for them now.
> 
> Circumstances behind the split were too complicated and personal to get into here, but tl;dr is that neither of us wanted to split but we kind of were forced to. I thought I had accepted that things were over and done with and that it was inevitable that she was going to go out and find someone that wasn't me to make her happy, but goddamn this cuts deep.


Ehhh. I highly suggest getting tested at some point, dude. Regardless of whether sex was considered "safe" or not. That sounds fishy as hell, and sounds like a "hint hint, nudge nudge" way of saying she was cheating. That is horrible, and I don't get why she'd message you out of the blue to gloat like that other than to be a see you next Tuesday.


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## Ordacleaphobia

Yeah, I'm kind of perplexed too. 
I've tried talking with her further about just general catching up stuff, but she doesn't seem to care. It totally feels like that's the main reason she reached out, and she almost seems irritated that I didn't really want to talk about it.
She'll go tit-for-tat with the best of 'em and can be a real savage (one of the things I loved about her), but was never the type to hurt someone just because she can.


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## soliloquy

considering the lock down, i hope you all are doing well, and are not trapped in the house with an abusive partner (same applies to your partner, if you are abusive).

and i wonder how folks in long-distance relationships are doing currently. Maybe its 'business as usual' for them as they barely see each other anyways?

I can imagine that this lockdown will be hard on a lot of relationships. I'm also hearing a drastic rise in divorces in China after the lockdown was lifted. Guess people were forced to communicate and realize that they aren't good with each other?




just an update from my situation from a few months back. I'm hanging in there. i'm not in a bad shape anymore. I'm still with her currently. Have considered divorce, but will put that on pause for a bit. I want to try couples therapy for a bit, and if that still doesn't help, then i'll bail. currently i feel like i'm living with a friend (which is good), but not a partner. obviously i cant trust her currently.


----------



## Church2224

I posted the info from this in the "Why are you sad" Thread. But some advice would be appreciated...

A few months ago, at a corporate event, I met this gorgeous young woman who I really hit if off with from the get go. She worked at another branch of the company about an hour and a half away from where I live, and we started talking. One day she says "I feel like we did not get to know each other enough when we met" so I went up to where she lives and took her out to dinner and we got to know each other more and it turns out we had a lot in common, and got along pretty well, she even said she wanted to see me again, so I started seeing her on a regular basis. And despite the country locking down around that time, things were going well.

I was going up to her apartment every weekend from then on out and spent time with her, and we planned and fantasized about what we would do once the country opened back up. We texted each other each morning, call each other each night, ect. Things were going really and I thought I finally caught a break.

Well one day before I was going up there she told me her grandmother got cancer. I still went up to see her and spent the night there, she even made me dinner and I think that time together helped us cope with everything going on as I was trying to do a lot at work and my own business ass well. Well that was the last time I saw her. She was seeing her family every weekend and going back home to help her family. We were still talking to each other and made plans to see each other but she cancelled. She seemed to be getting more and more tired and stressed as time went on, too.

Well last Monday her grandmother had surgery to remove the cancer, I tried calling her and I got one message that everything was alright, and that was it. I waited a few days to call her, no response, and texted her last Friday to see if she wanted to catch up and still nothing, and I still have not heard anything.

I am trying to wrap my head around all of this and why she would just disappear all of a sudden. Things seemed to be going so well, and then abruptly end....Can some one explain to me what might have happened and what I should so with this? Thank you so much. To be honest, it was nice for the first time in a while to have some one and it go so well, for it to end like this, well, it kind of hurts...


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## MFB

Despite how close you guys may have gotten, she most likely didn't go in to the full depths of her relationship with her grandmother and this is most likely more hitting as a wake up call like the death of a parent/paternal figure than someone who just knows their grandparents as "my parent's parents." I know my ex (using that term very loosely) had a tattoo for her grandfather after he passed as they were very close, and same with my former roommate's girlfriend - her mom passed right as they were about a month in, and he told her flat out "I'm not expecting anything from you given everything that's happening, take the time you need, etc..." as he went through it about a year prior, and I flat out shut down when my dad passed. I didn't care to do anything, talk to anyone, I didn't want to eat, I was basically willing to die just to have that pain of losing someone be over, because they're a huge figure in our lives.

Don't think of it as over, or that you're "on a break", she may legitimately be wanting to say something but is in such a hole that climbing out to do that is insurmountable; and if that's the case and you ask on top of that because then you start worrying about getting nothing (for the right reasons), it becomes a cycle of guilt and the hole just gets deeper to the point where you wonder if it's even worth climbing out. It's textbook depression.

edit: forgot a key phrase


----------



## c7spheres

@Church2224 It seems like you two hit it off well. I'd just let her know you're there for her and that you don't want her to feel pestered about anything while she goes through all this, but that you are here and will be there for her if she wants to talk or anything. Then I'd maybe give her some space. It's not about you or you two. It's about her and her grandma and getting her well. I think everythign your doing is just perfect. Giving her space but being there still etc.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Church2224 said:


> I posted the info from this in the "Why are you sad" Thread. But some advice would be appreciated...
> 
> A few months ago, at a corporate event, I met this gorgeous young woman who I really hit if off with from the get go. She worked at another branch of the company about an hour and a half away from where I live, and we started talking. One day she says "I feel like we did not get to know each other enough when we met" so I went up to where she lives and took her out to dinner and we got to know each other more and it turns out we had a lot in common, and got along pretty well, she even said she wanted to see me again, so I started seeing her on a regular basis. And despite the country locking down around that time, things were going well.
> 
> I was going up to her apartment every weekend from then on out and spent time with her, and we planned and fantasized about what we would do once the country opened back up. We texted each other each morning, call each other each night, ect. Things were going really and I thought I finally caught a break.
> 
> Well one day before I was going up there she told me her grandmother got cancer. I still went up to see her and spent the night there, she even made me dinner and I think that time together helped us cope with everything going on as I was trying to do a lot at work and my own business ass well. Well that was the last time I saw her. She was seeing her family every weekend and going back home to help her family. We were still talking to each other and made plans to see each other but she cancelled. She seemed to be getting more and more tired and stressed as time went on, too.
> 
> Well last Monday her grandmother had surgery to remove the cancer, I tried calling her and I got one message that everything was alright, and that was it. I waited a few days to call her, no response, and texted her last Friday to see if she wanted to catch up and still nothing, and I still have not heard anything.
> 
> I am trying to wrap my head around all of this and why she would just disappear all of a sudden. Things seemed to be going so well, and then abruptly end....Can some one explain to me what might have happened and what I should so with this? Thank you so much. To be honest, it was nice for the first time in a while to have some one and it go so well, for it to end like this, well, it kind of hurts...




You can ponder all you want... and others can make suggestions. But this ball is not in your court. It's hard as hell... it truly is, but until you and she communicate again, you're gonna have to be okay by yourself and get on with day to day life. It's painful as hell! It hurts like crazy! But again... unless or until she reaches out to you again, there is nothing that you can do. Pondering or seeking opinions will do absolutely nothing to help. One day at a time, brother. That truly is the only way that you're going to be able to gain peace of mind again. You've already reached out to her and have showed her support... several times. Please be sure not to continue trying to contact her. That will only present itself as desperation rather than support. I understand that's not what you were inquiring about here in this thread but I just felt it might be worth reiterating. 

Healthy people are drawn much more towards others that possess emotional strength and stability... even more so in the beginning stages of a relationship. Even if you don't feel too strong or stable atm due to her seeming change of heart... "If things are meant to be, then they will be". It may not be in the time-frame that you're wanting but by you respecting her space, you are subsequently showing her that you have compassion and appreciation for her as an individual. That will make her much more likely to reach out to you again. And if she decides not to, then you will still have become a stronger and more stable person which will benefit the health of any future relationships as well as defining your character. What I'm suggesting is that as important as it is to respect her space, it is equally important that you process this in a way that minimizes obsessing over "why". Regardless of her grandmother, the lock-down, etc... please don't allow yourself to continue to be consumed with this. And yes... I know how ridiculous that sounds as it's so hard to achieve... I get it. 

Anyway... if you're going to have any chance of continuing on a healthy path with her, you will need to sit this out for as long as she needs and/ or for as long as you're willing. The "why's?" will eat you alive, man... no joke. Don't do that to yourself. Take small steps each day to accept what you honestly cannot change.


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## c7spheres

It's too bad that most people can't seem to reciprocate more. To me it's just basic respect and it's a shame more people don't have it. She's obviously wrapped up in stuff and doesn't feel like or have time to talk, but what people don't realize is that it means the world to people if they would just send a quick text saying something to the effect of "thanks for thinking about me and grandma and being there for us. I'll get in touch when I can or need to but I don't know when that will be. I need some space right now, thanks for understanding. I'll be in touch when I'm ready." You know, something like that goes a long way to not screw with people's head and emotions and it's so easy to do. Someone could literally do it while taking a shit, so the no time excuse don't cut it. Just saying I'm sick of people being like this. Sorry. End of rant.


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## High Plains Drifter

Absolutely agree ^^^. I hate seeing good people with sincere intentions get strung along or disregarded. I do think that it's best to give people the benefit of the doubt and not jump to conclusions. But it sure makes it hard to move on, wait, etc... when there's no communication. Church 2224 has obviously treated this girl decently and I hate that now he's having to wonder what's up due to her abrupt disconnect. Sucks... and hurts so bad when your starting to fall for someone. I indeed feel for him.


----------



## Church2224

I appreciate the support guys, it means a lot. After an afternoon of working, mowing my lawn, getting hydrated, and getting my head on clearer I feel much better. Reason I posted this is this morning I woke up after having a dream about this issue and nearly had an anxiety attack about this issue, and I thought I had been coping with it well.

Here are a few things to add on to the original point -

Two issues coming to mind now I have my head on straight. The first is she had been coming out of a previous relationship that had lasted for 5 years and she was engaged to the guy. It was not the "Best" relationship, from what she told me. That ended about a year ago and part of me thinks she has not fully passed it. She also has some medical issues of her own, both physiological and psychological, stating that she had not been getting the support she needed from her therapist and possibly even medication. Also surgeries she needed were being put off because of the virus. Multiple times she said "With all of my problems are you sure you want to be with me? Most guys usually don't" Well, I thought I was being supportive, as I had some bad relationships, depression and struggle with being on the Autism Spectrum, however I think I was ignoring a few big red flags from the get go and at the same time, I understand under the world's circumstances, she has a lot on her plate.

Also we both work in the commercial landscaping industry. This is a very busy time of year for our line of work in our regions. The last few times I called and talked to her, she was exhausted and nowhere near as energetic as before. She even told me she was driving back to her folks' place back and forth every day, which is an hour away from her place...



MFB said:


> Despite how close you guys may have gotten, she most likely didn't go in to the full depths of her relationship with her grandmother and this is most likely more hitting as a wake up call like the death of a parent/paternal figure than someone who just knows their grandparents as "my parent's parents." I know my ex (using that term very loosely) had a tattoo for her grandfather after he passed as they were very close, and same with my former roommate's girlfriend - her mom passed right as they were about a month in, and he told her flat out "I'm not expecting anything from you given everything that's happening, take the time you need, etc..." as he went through it about a year prior, and I flat out shut down when my dad passed. I didn't care to do anything, talk to anyone, I didn't want to eat, I was basically willing to die just to have that pain of losing someone be over, because they're a huge figure in our lives.
> 
> Don't think of it as over, or that you're "on a break", she may legitimately be wanting to say something but is in such a hole that climbing out to do that is insurmountable; and if that's the case and you ask on top of that because then you start worrying about getting nothing (for the right reasons), it becomes a cycle of guilt and the hole just gets deeper to the point where you wonder if it's even worth climbing out. It's textbook depression.
> 
> edit: forgot a key phrase



I think you hit the nail on the head right here. She is very close with her family and I know it has to be rough with some one getting sick like this.



High Plains Drifter said:


> You can ponder all you want... and others can make suggestions. But this ball is not in your court. It's hard as hell... it truly is, but until you and she communicate again, you're gonna have to be okay by yourself and get on with day to day life. It's painful as hell! It hurts like crazy! But again... unless or until she reaches out to you again, there is nothing that you can do. Pondering or seeking opinions will do absolutely nothing to help. One day at a time, brother. That truly is the only way that you're going to be able to gain peace of mind again. You've already reached out to her and have showed her support... several times. Please be sure not to continue trying to contact her. That will only present itself as desperation rather than support. I understand that's not what you were inquiring about here in this thread but I just felt it might be worth reiterating.
> 
> Healthy people are drawn much more towards others that possess emotional strength and stability... even more so in the beginning stages of a relationship. Even if you don't feel too strong or stable atm due to her seeming change of heart... "If things are meant to be, then they will be". It may not be in the time-frame that you're wanting but by you respecting her space, you are subsequently showing her that you have compassion and appreciation for her as an individual. That will make her much more likely to reach out to you again. And if she decides not to, then you will still have become a stronger and more stable person which will benefit the health of any future relationships as well as defining your character. What I'm suggesting is that as important as it is to respect her space, it is equally important that you process this in a way that minimizes obsessing over "why". Regardless of her grandmother, the lock-down, etc... please don't allow yourself to continue to be consumed with this. And yes... I know how ridiculous that sounds as it's so hard to achieve... I get it.
> 
> Anyway... if you're going to have any chance of continuing on a healthy path with her, you will need to sit this out for as long as she needs and/ or for as long as you're willing. The "why's?" will eat you alive, man... no joke. Don't do that to yourself. Take small steps each day to accept what you honestly cannot change.



I think what you have said has connect with me the most my friend. I appreciate the support, and I have not tried to contact her at all at this point. I am just going to wait it out to see what happens. One thing you are right about is a character flaw I know I have, which is trying to get opinions and wondering "Why." I have done this way too many times and it has driven me insane. Not just with dating but with life in general. Something that when I started going to AA I had a hard time dealing with.

I appreciate everyone's input. It is just hard as this was the first real connection I have made with some one in I would say three years. I have dated and been intimate with a few other women in the meantime, but never made a true connection with some one. And this girl was very beautiful and came onto me stronger than I had anticipated. I am not going to ruminate too much more on this, as I just need a place to vent and get this out of my system before I go grabbing a bottle of whiskey and my 1911....lol... but I appreciate the love and support. A few of my good friends have contacted me when they heard about this too, and extended their support. It was good to hear from them again.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Church2224 said:


> I appreciate the support guys, it means a lot. After an afternoon of working, mowing my lawn, getting hydrated, and getting my head on clearer I feel much better. Reason I posted this is this morning I woke up after having a dream about this issue and nearly had an anxiety attack about this issue, and I thought I had been coping with it well.
> 
> Here are a few things to add on to the original point -
> 
> Two issues coming to mind now I have my head on straight. The first is she had been coming out of a previous relationship that had lasted for 5 years and she was engaged to the guy. It was not the "Best" relationship, from what she told me. That ended about a year ago and part of me thinks she has not fully passed it. She also has some medical issues of her own, both physiological and psychological, stating that she had not been getting the support she needed from her therapist and possibly even medication. Also surgeries she needed were being put off because of the virus. Multiple times she said "With all of my problems are you sure you want to be with me? Most guys usually don't" Well, I thought I was being supportive, as I had some bad relationships, depression and struggle with being on the Autism Spectrum, however I think I was ignoring a few big red flags from the get go and at the same time, I understand under the world's circumstances, she has a lot on her plate.
> 
> Also we both work in the commercial landscaping industry. This is a very busy time of year for our line of work in our regions. The last few times I called and talked to her, she was exhausted and nowhere near as energetic as before. She even told me she was driving back to her folks' place back and forth every day, which is an hour away from her place...
> 
> 
> 
> I think you hit the nail on the head right here. She is very close with her family and I know it has to be rough with some one getting sick like this.
> 
> 
> 
> I think what you have said has connect with me the most my friend. I appreciate the support, and I have not tried to contact her at all at this point. I am just going to wait it out to see what happens. One thing you are right about is a character flaw I know I have, which is trying to get opinions and wondering "Why." I have done this way too many times and it has driven me insane. Not just with dating but with life in general. Something that when I started going to AA I had a hard time dealing with.
> 
> I appreciate everyone's input. It is just hard as this was the first real connection I have made with some one in I would say three years. I have dated and been intimate with a few other women in the meantime, but never made a true connection with some one. And this girl was very beautiful and came onto me stronger than I had anticipated. I am not going to ruminate too much more on this, as I just need a place to vent and get this out of my system before I go grabbing a bottle of whiskey and my 1911....lol... but I appreciate the love and support. A few of my good friends have contacted me when they heard about this too, and extended their support. It was good to hear from them again.



Well dude, the day by day helps the most but yeah... support really fills in the gaps along the way too. Seems like you've got a pretty good handle on things. Our perspective gets so warped when we allow complete despair to consume us. It eats away ta the heart and begins to effect the mind. I was complete shit to my sister, my best bud, coworkers, etc when I wasn't able to distance myself from certain situations. I promise you I've been exactly where you are... several times. 

My prob worst heart-break was a bit of a different situation... well over a year invested and discovered a whole slew of dishonesty on a pretty insane level. I was completely head-over-heels in love and we were actually talking marriage at that point. But I had to end it. Probably the roughest ending I've been thru and ironically I was the one that made it happen lol. I was destroyed but my will move on from it finally took over ( day by day/ little help from my friends/ needed to pay rent and eat lol). Several months after I had put some serious healing between she and I, she started contacting me again. But my heart and mind working together, wouldn't allow me to reply to her. I was so much stronger emotionally/ mentally that opening the wound again wasn't even an option. Also the pain that she had inflicted, eventually killed off any desire to ever correspond with her again. What a difference a little time and support can have! 

You got this, brother... for sure! Please update if/ when you want.


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## soliloquy

If I may jump in, this lockdown is emotionally taxing on everyone, and it is impacting us differently. For one, it may be everything they wished for, and they are thriving. For others, its horrible and will keep getting worse. As such, I strongly urge you not to take it to heart if someone says/does something that is out of their character (to as much as you know of them).

What I'm saying is that, in Church's experience above, if someone is acting differently all of a sudden, he may not have done anything wrong to upset her. Its just a combination of things (family, lockdown, cancer, distance, uncertainty, covid hitting home, etc) can have a huge impact on someones way of thinking, that we not be so privy to.

I mean, you wouldn't take it personally if your partner/friend/ex said something while they were hungry (or hangry?), would you? As such, let people be. This lockdown is putting a strain on us all, and we all are reacting to it differently. We all have to put a lot of things on pause (like relationships/feelings/conversations/etc). Till things get better.







on that note, I'm also losing faith in humanity. I'm just not seeing the goodness in humanity as a whole. From its birth, to its ultimate demise, we, as species, seem so hell bent to make other peoples lives so miserable, and we seem to lack compassion and respect for the most basic of things. This could very well just be the lockdown talking, but I'm just having a hard time thinking of any relationship that has graced my way (family, friends, exes, movies, shows, books, co-workers etc), each being so fundamentally broken and flawed. Makes me wonder as to how people keep on keeping, and staying strong and true to themselves. I'm disheartened and not really seeing the point of love anymore.

again, this could very well be the lockdown bringing nihilism in me, even though I was never a nihilistic individual prior to my partner destroying me.


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## Church2224

Well....

She just messaged me again. She said this whole Covid stuff combined with her family issues got her overwhelmed and she needed some space.... well sonovabitch.


----------



## cip 123

Church2224 said:


> Well....
> 
> She just messaged me again. She said this whole Covid stuff combined with her family issues got her overwhelmed and she needed some space.... well sonovabitch.


Hey man, going through some similar stuff. Met with someone after coming out of a friendship/relationship and we seemed to hit it off. Went on a date, texted everyday etc even when the Covid stuff happened. 

Things went a little patchy and they said they weren't feeling great mentally etc. But then one day they just stopped replying all together.

It's hurt quite a bit, but I've been thinking a lot more about myself, and realising I really haven't given myself the time or thought to work on some personal things. If they need me they know where I am, otherwise it's been good to look at myself and look at things I should change about myself as I've been so focused on others and finding the right people etc.

I dunno if any of that will help, but hope you can feel happy for yourself at least! Hope things work out!


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## cwhitey2

Well things with the girl i have been 'seeing' (look back a page or 2) aren't looking good at the moment. I mean there really could not have been a worse time to try and start a relationship. 

The past week has been really funky and not in a good way. We were supposed the hangout on 3 separate occasions and she has been giving me bullshit excuses to not hangout. Yesterday for me personally was the last straw. (Shes one of those that basically doesn't give you a straight answer). 

Tomorrow we are supposed to hangout and "talk". I pretty much now it will be the end of our relationship. Im ok with that, but i know she will want to stay friends...i dont do that, as childish as it sounds, for personal reasons. 

I poured my heart into this relationship and i just feel like i have been used and manipulated the whole time...

The situation sucks and i just need to vent.


----------



## broj15

cwhitey2 said:


> Im ok with that, but i know she will want to stay friends...i dont do that, as childish as it sounds, for personal reasons.



I totally understand this sentiment. I really don't understand why certain people have this notion that emotional distance/ "no contact" with an ex is this super selfish, "toxic thing to do to a person". Everyone deals with loss and processes emotions differently, and for me, and I'm sure lots of others out there I feel like a clean break is always best for everyone involved. Doesn't have to mean it stays that way forever, but I'm the type of person where i have a much easier time "getting over" someone if I don't still make a place that person in my life, whether that be platonic or otherwise.

That whole idea really strikes a nerve for me. When I've broken up/been broken up with I've always maintained that no contact is what's best for me and I always get responses about how cold and uncaring that is, or how if I can't stay friends with an ex then that MUST mean that I "only valued the other person for what I got from them romantically and/or sexually".... And being told that repeatedly simply for coping in the way that works best for me has wound up being really damaging long term, to the point of where I seriously wonder if I actually AM a terrible person.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this situation, especially right now with everything else going on. Before all this I was starting to get a bit lonely/ready to get back into the dating scene and I'm so glad that never went anywhere, cuz I know I couldn't deal with having to keep track of someone else's emotions in addition to my own through all this mess.


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## cwhitey2

broj15 said:


> I totally understand this sentiment. I really don't understand why certain people have this notion that emotional distance/ "no contact" with an ex is this super selfish, "toxic thing to do to a person". Everyone deals with loss and processes emotions differently, and for me, and I'm sure lots of others out there I feel like a clean break is always best for everyone involved. Doesn't have to mean it stays that way forever, but I'm the type of person where i have a much easier time "getting over" someone if I don't still make a place that person in my life, whether that be platonic or otherwise.
> 
> That whole idea really strikes a nerve for me. When I've broken up/been broken up with I've always maintained that no contact is what's best for me and I always get responses about how cold and uncaring that is, or how if I can't stay friends with an ex then that MUST mean that I "only valued the other person for what I got from them romantically and/or sexually".... And being told that repeatedly simply for coping in the way that works best for me has wound up being really damaging long term, to the point of where I seriously wonder if I actually AM a terrible person.
> 
> I'm sorry you're dealing with this situation, especially right now with everything else going on. Before all this I was starting to get a bit lonely/ready to get back into the dating scene and I'm so glad that never went anywhere, cuz I know I couldn't deal with having to keep track of someone else's emotions in addition to my own through all this mess.


Thank you for your response! 

At the end of the day, I need to do what's best for me, even if people think im shitty for how i do it. Like you said, everyone handles loss differently and if thats how i handle it, she needs to accept that. 

We may not even break up, she could totally pull her head out of her ass...but my gut is usually never wrong.


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## High Plains Drifter

I've never had an easy time "trying" to stay friends. There's just too much potential for further heartache and/ or resentment.. not healthy unless someone's able to manage it without issue. Always good for the mind and soul to be able to accept that the other person simply isn't in the same place as you are. So hard sometimes depending on the depth of the feelings but we gotta be able to function properly and not disregard the rest of the world around us ( job, friends, family, health, life.. ).


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## cwhitey2

High Plains Drifter said:


> I've never had an easy time "trying" to stay friends. There's just too much potential for further heartache and/ or resentment.. not healthy unless someone's able to manage it without issue. Always good for the mind and soul to be able to accept that the other person simply isn't in the same place as you are. So hard sometimes depending on the depth of the feelings but we gotta be able to function properly and not disregard the rest of the world around us ( job, friends, family, health, life.. ).


This basically sums everything that I feel about 'being friends'.

It's probably the most unhealthy thing mentally and emotionally that I could do for myself.

But I'm also working OT this week so I doubt I will even have the conversation anytime soon.


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## TedEH

IMO, you can't "try" to be friends, you either are or you aren't. (Something something star wars joke) And in some cases, you won't be for a while but will be able to return to it. I'm still at least friendly with most of my exes, but it's not forced. Distance can be very healthy after any kind of separation.


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## TedEH

Here's a weird one. Not a dating thing, but it's still about relationships in a different sense of the word. I'm a bit annoyed this morning, but I can't tell if it's reasonable to be or not. I got a message this morning from my sister guilting me for having not contacted my parents over the weekend (it was mothers day). On one hand, I don't have that good of an excuse, but on the other hand I don't feel like I need one.

I don't have the same relationship with my parents as many do. We don't have common interests or common ground. There's not really anything to speak about when we do talk. We're mostly uninvolved in eachothers lives. I think they've maybe visited my place once or twice in the last couple of years. I see them on christmas and other holidays the same way you would a random aunt or uncle or cousin. On some level, I know that I (almost unconsciously) avoid talking to them too much because 90% of our conversations are about me being given grief for not talking to them much. That's it. That's the extent of our relationship.

On the basis of not being very close, and me not putting much stock into holidays like that, I just didn't think about it. It wasn't on my mind. It's not malicious, there's no conflict, there's no argument, I'm just not close to them, and I'm ok with that.

But they get angry at me for not having this connection. This morning's messages were full of "you should know better, I shouldn't have to tel you" kind of guilt language, and this just makes me less want to engage.

So, internet people, I leave it to you to judge, am I an asshole, or is it fine to just not have that kind of relationship with family? Am I right to be annoyed?


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## soliloquy

TedEH said:


> Here's a weird one. Not a dating thing, but it's still about relationships in a different sense of the word. I'm a bit annoyed this morning, but I can't tell if it's reasonable to be or not. I got a message this morning from my sister guilting me for having not contacted my parents over the weekend (it was mothers day). On one hand, I don't have that good of an excuse, but on the other hand I don't feel like I need one.
> 
> I don't have the same relationship with my parents as many do. We don't have common interests or common ground. There's not really anything to speak about when we do talk. We're mostly uninvolved in eachothers lives. I think they've maybe visited my place once or twice in the last couple of years. I see them on christmas and other holidays the same way you would a random aunt or uncle or cousin. On some level, I know that I (almost unconsciously) avoid talking to them too much because 90% of our conversations are about me being given grief for not talking to them much. That's it. That's the extent of our relationship.
> 
> On the basis of not being very close, and me not putting much stock into holidays like that, I just didn't think about it. It wasn't on my mind. It's not malicious, there's no conflict, there's no argument, I'm just not close to them, and I'm ok with that.
> 
> But they get angry at me for not having this connection. This morning's messages were full of "you should know better, I shouldn't have to tel you" kind of guilt language, and this just makes me less want to engage.
> 
> So, internet people, I leave it to you to judge, am I an asshole, or is it fine to just not have that kind of relationship with family? Am I right to be annoyed?



I can relate to this. I feel like I raised myself up as a kid, as my parents were always busy with their work. Though it is evident that they love me, and think highly of me, and want me around at all aspects of life; I, on the other hand, dont feel the same. Part of this is cultural difference (They are very Pakistani, Muslim etc, where as I am very Canadian, and Feminist, and more spiritual than religious...thats off topic though). Part of the difference also comes from generational gap, where try as I might, they will never understand, and I can no longer be bothered with it. 

As such, I stopped trying. I still care for them, and do wish them well. Though they live just 5 minutes away from me, I still barely see them. Or rather, I think I see them often, but they think its "once a decade". 

My sister is also on my case about making an active effort. Though, like you, I dont have anything to talk to them about. They dismiss my ideas and thoughts, thus I have nothing in common with them.

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself about this. Its just familial squabble that is somewhat petty. Live and let live. If you feel guilty, and want to have a stronger connection, then you could always fake a relationship and talk about how puffy the clouds are, and carry that conversation all weekend long, if you must. Or, you do what makes you happy and brings you joy. 

live and let live.


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## TedEH

I just can't stand the drama. I have no interest in pretending the relationship is something it isn't, and I don't appreciate being guilted about it or spoken to like a child. I didn't actively choose to ignore them, it just wasn't on my mind. I know very well that as soon as I "make the effort" it's going to be 80% conversations about how I _don't_ make the effort, and 20% the weather, etc. Visiting them usually means sitting silently on the couch while they watch tv. All of the above is just unpleasant to me.

Maybe I'm an asshole (I probably am, at least a bit, on some level), but I think a relationship needs to be built, you don't just get it by default.


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## High Plains Drifter

Well for me, it was this or abalone/ corona 2020 so... here I am. 

There's such a complexity of factors with parental relationships, it's not something that someone outside of that situation can succinctly render an accurate opinion about. But as some random internet dude... Your feelings are completely understandable and from another perspective, so are your sisters feelings. The bigger picture regarding parents is not "common ground/ shared interests". It's much more extensive than that. If any repair or healthy progression is to ever happen, all parties must be able to genuinely put themselves in the others shoes. Blame, guilt, and passive-aggressiveness can quickly erode any positive steps so this needs to be an ongoing consideration for both sides. Sadly... there is little that can be done to mend these kinds of estranged relationships without a great deal of empathy and commitment from all involved. 

So given all of that... No, you're not at fault. But keep in mind that your sister and your parents are not necessarily at fault either. Are you being an asshole in this particular instance? Only you can accurately answer that as such a distinctively narrow word and highly subjective. Again... there's a lot of depth to this and multiple parties involved. It's not something that someone outside of this situation can easily surmise.


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## soliloquy

well said in regards to a relationship needing building, rather than being presented to you. I wont call you an asshole, as its evident that you both are on different pages. We all cant have the exact expectations of life, and continue growing accordingly. 

If it brings you joy, then do it. If it doesn't, then dont. Keep in mind, that even if it doesn't bring you joy, but their reaction to you being there brings you joy, then that is something really different.


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## TedEH

I suppose the question that can be answered hypothetically by anyone on the internet would be:
Is a biological connection enough basis to assume any level of relationship? Is it fair/unusual/problematic/anything to just be ok with the estrangement? I don't know if estrangement is the right word, but it's the closest word I have.


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## soliloquy

TedEH said:


> I suppose the question that can be answered hypothetically by anyone on the internet would be:
> Is a biological connection enough basis to assume any level of relationship? Is it fair/unusual/problematic/anything to just be ok with the estrangement? I don't know if estrangement is the right word, but it's the closest word I have.



to combat that, the old saying of "blood is thicker than water" stands out, indicating that family is all that should matter at the end of the day.

however, given how complex humans are, and their emotions, and mental state, blood should not be the only thing that matters. There is a reason why toxic people exist. You may be toxic. They may be toxic. It makes no real sense (to me) to hold onto a toxic relationship (I should listen to my own advice...really) as its poisoning the good parts of that relationship accordingly. 

from a different perspective, if you are to take biological relationships as an organic being: in the event your hand is going gangrene, and is now posing a risk to the rest of the body, would you keep that hand, or amputate it to give the rest of the body a chance at survival? 

from an emotional perspective, if they are helping you grow, and you are helping them grow, then carry on. If nothing is happening, and you feel guilty, then do something about it. If nothing is happening, and you dont feel guilty, then that should be your answer. Do what feels right to you.


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## TedEH

Sure, it's a common phrase, but that doesn't mean it's rooted in truth. There must be a word for that as a fallacy - like an appeal to good-sounding metaphors. It sounds great, but in practice doesn't necessarily mean anything.

You could arguably take the metaphor farther - maybe family doesn't mean literal family, it could be whoever you have established as your closest relationships (which is _usually_ family).

It strikes me as narrow to treat is as a rule though. I see no reason that family can't just be a plain casual relationship. There's no real conflict here - I don't dislike them, we don't fight over things, they just don't play a big role in my life anymore, so I act accordingly. It's not malicious; it's barely intentional.

The part that bothers me is being spoken to as if I've committed some terrible act against someone for not engaging in a family I don't feel that close to.


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## MFB

That's also the supposedly shortened version of the phrase while the full version if "blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb," so in fact, family _doesn't _win over friends that you choose just because they are your family. I have no clue if that's the actual full quote from the Bible, but just something to think about.

I'm at the point where I have no idea what my brother and his family are up to in AZ, and I truly don't care because I know he's not thinking about us, so why should I waste my energy; he left as soon as he could and didn't look back, why would I want to have a relationship with someone like that? I let him have his life and I have mine.


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## bostjan

I was really blessed in that regard. My dad was always really cool and my mom, even though she can be tough, is not the much older than me. We always shared similar music and film tastes, at least. I went through a stretch of time in my late 20's and early 30's, when I simply was too busy to call regularly.

My brother, on the other hand... I don't want to open that can of worms. Suffice it to say that I love him very much and respect him, and, weirdly, we have way too much in common, but for really stupid-sounding reasons, I just can't seem to bring myself to every pick up the phone to talk to him.


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## broj15

It's hard to say. Perhaps I'm biased because my parents have always been the best I could ask for. They always worked alot when I was younger and left a good portion of raising me and my sister with our grandma, but I never resented them for that. If anything I'm grateful for the relationship with my grandma that maybe I wouldn't have had if my parents hadn't always been so busy working to adequately support our family.

It really is a complex issue and it is hard to judge from an outsider's perspective, but even if me and my parents didn't have common interests or don't see eye to eye on some stuff (They're very traditional Midwestern people and I most certainly am not) I still don't think I could shut them out of my life, or just cast them off. To put it bluntly, at the very least they gave enough of a shit to make sure I stayed alive and didn't go hungry for a solid 20 years, and I'm sure they made some personal sacrifices to do it.

I feel like unless one or both of your parents were just straight up abusive/manipulative (keeping in mind that they're people too and everyone has bad days) or they were completely absent from your life, then I feel like a 15 minute phone call on mother's/father's day & birthdays isn't to much to ask of anyone.

Once again though, relationships, especially with parents are incredibly complex and as an outsider I'm definitely not judging you or anyone else.


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## Cynicanal

TedEH said:


> I suppose the question that can be answered hypothetically by anyone on the internet would be:
> Is a biological connection enough basis to assume any level of relationship? Is it fair/unusual/problematic/anything to just be ok with the estrangement? I don't know if estrangement is the right word, but it's the closest word I have.


What you've described isn't even close to "estrangement". It's a pretty normal level of contact with your folks TBH. If you're seeing them on holidays and they're even visiting you once every couple of years or so, that's a lot more contact than I have with my folks (it's not uncommon for me to go years without talking to my parents). This is normal; you are no longer a child, and have a life outside of them now.


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## TedEH

It's not like I shut them out or something, I just forgot a holiday and didn't feel like it mattered that much. I've always been a very independent person, and our lives have grown somewhat apart. To me, that seems like it should be perfectly acceptable.


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## High Plains Drifter

If you ask 10 different people what their idea of a normal relationship is, you're going to likely receive 10 different answers. I'd emphasize that being so quick to slap that label on this very personal and unique relationship is not accurate. Besides that, "normal" does not necessarily equate to "acceptable". If there is an issue that is creating animosity or frustration with certain family members, then an outsider's input often isn't even applicable.


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## TedEH

I'm wasn't sure who you directed that comment at for a moment - I forgot I still had some accounts ignored for the sake of some other threads. I do think there's some value in getting a general impression of whether or not my actions or views fall within the realm of normal or acceptable for people. It's certainly not an objective or black and white question, but most of the anecdotes (Cynic included) still paint a picture of the general range of expectations or acceptable responses to the situation.

Don't get me wrong, I think I could have handled the feedback I got better/differently - but at the same time, between the lack of a close relationship and the fact that we've all been stuck inside without socializing and potentially not having a great time handling it, I didn't feel like it was an appropriate time to give me a hard time.

It is what it is. I need not dwell on it.


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## High Plains Drifter

I'm sorry, TedEH. I was directing that at Cynical... I should've quoted it. Apologies. I def wasn't trying to be critical of your perspective... quite the contrary. I would've gone completely cuckoo throughout my relationship with my parents and sister had I allowed their blame ( for me moving far from home) to get to me. It did at times... especially with my sister b/c she was very vocal/ very ugly about it many times. But ultimately for my own mental health, I had to live my life for me... not them, despite the strain that it sometimes had on my relationship with them. Can't live to appease others. Dude, again... sorry for interjecting too much. Sincerely hope the best for you.


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## TedEH

No worries, I didn't take it as critical.


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## soliloquy

I dont get this. On another forum decided solely on people surviving infidelity, a lot of others are saying that I am displaying textbook characteristics of a 'codependent'. In the sense that I always run to play the hero and try saving the world around me. In doing so, I neglect my own emotions. Though I do agree that that is me, what I dont agree with is the statement that the major issue with codependent people is that they 'love too much'. 

I dont understand how that is remotely possible, or how that is a bad thing, unless its smothering someone. 

Sure, I admit, if someone comes to seek my help, i will drop almost anything to help that person out. I maybe willing to destroy my well being, if it means that someone else can survive a better life. I'm not suicidal. I'm not self-sabotaging. 

Though I will admit that in me being this way, I have flexible boundaries, which allows me to have an insanely high tolerance to bullshit. 

apparently the solution to that is to be an asshole to people. I dont understand how that is a good thing. In a messed up world that we have, I would have assumed that compassion is the single thing we should have.


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## TedEH

^ I take it there's some missing context to that. I imagine that if someone called you codependent, then it was in reaction to something you did or said. I do think that there are lines people sometimes cross where they can bring some kind of harm to themselves in the name of helping or pleasing someone else - and to that I think there's a certain amount of expected or acceptable "selfishness" that people should live by, but that's mostly a personal philosophy.

If there's no conflict, you're not being harmed, nobody else is being harmed, etc., then who is to say that you love too much or too little?


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## soliloquy

TedEH said:


> ^ I take it there's some missing context to that. I imagine that if someone called you codependent, then it was in reaction to something you did or said. I do think that there are lines people sometimes cross where they can bring some kind of harm to themselves in the name of helping or pleasing someone else - and to that I think there's a certain amount of expected or acceptable "selfishness" that people should live by, but that's mostly a personal philosophy.
> 
> If there's no conflict, you're not being harmed, nobody else is being harmed, etc., then who is to say that you love too much or too little?



My message was in regards to something I posted back in December or January? In regards to my partner having an affair. It's 6 months out, and I'm just getting more and more hopeless and angry.

But this isn't exactly the first time this has happened to me either. Though not an affair, I was never seen as good enough for people in my life. Thus I'm been digging deeper about what it is about me that that gets this result time and again? 

One of them, apparently is that I love and give too much of myself. 

That, I still don't fully understand. I do need therapy to deal with my hopelessness, prepetual disappointment, and anger. That may help me recover, ever so slightly? Maybe reconciliation? I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking for.


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## TedEH

Aaaaah right. I don't remember _anything_ from 6 months back. 

I didn't go back to re-read the context, and I certainly can't offer anything comparable to what a proper therapist could do, but my thinking has always been along the lines of affairs being pretty brutal business. I have no proof I've ever been cheated on, but even the possibility of it has been enough for me to call certain relationships off. In that situation, my gut reaction is to say make sure you're cutting yourself some slack when appropriate. It's not an easy situation, and I wouldn't expect _anyone_ to just shrug it off gracefully. I would disagree with the idea of avoiding introspection, but instead suggest that you try to be careful that you're framing things in a way that's fair to yourself.

If you remember the things I posted last October/November-ish, I think I was also in a situation where I was giving a lot and not getting much back. My biggest frustration at the time was the lack of willingness to meet me in the middle on a number of things. Once that whole thing was over, I tried a couple of times to meet new people and it never worked out. I got stuck in a "what if I actually can't do any better" kind of mentality for a while, and I don't think that's a good place to be in.

The current situation of everyone being stuck indoors and unable to socialize also doesn't set us up to be able to handle this kind of introspection very well either.


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## Obsidian Soul

I feel like I fit the bill for that,and that's why I keep people at bay. I lost my bestfriend of almost 6 years the beginning of this year because always take a mile when you give them an inch.


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## Church2224

So an update on to this situation...

My girlfriend and I are talking again. From what it sounds like, she is really stressed with work, her family, and this whole virus thing. She told me she wants to see me again, and I am going to see her this weekend again, I miss the companionship. 

Glad it all worked out, thanks everyone.


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## Daemoniac

Well... in the eight years since I last really posted on here I managed to get hitched to the missus of 15 years. So that was fun.


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## cwhitey2

SO just a little update. We end up having a long talk, both of us discussed 'issues' and what not. I think the biggest issue has been the corona virus, which we mutually agreed upon. 

Also, her roommate moved out who IMO was a negative person and was effecting her emotionally. We ended up having a BBQ together on the weekend and it was a fantastic time. Basically just sat on the porch enjoying the weather, good beer and each others company.

Hopefully things can stay in the direction they are headed, because she is a fantastic person and I could see spending my life with her.


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## soliloquy

I may be finding myself in some awkward positions. 
Backstory: 6 months ago (November), I found my wife was having an affair. I was devastated, angry, and my emotions were all over the place.
now, most of my emotions are beginning to stabilize, but my anger is still there. I did kick her out of the house for a week in December, before Christmas holidays. And then again, most of January she was out of the house. I do want to kick her out of the house again and seek out a separation for a few months, however, with COVID-19, it is making things kind of impossible. 

Just to deal with my emotions, I was planning on visiting a therapist, however COVID-19 came in, and i'm restricted to online sessions. Did 2, and will start again in person after. May try for couples therapy.

During this time, I'm finding a lot more about myself, which is kind of hard to imagine for myself. I've been living inside my head for well over 15 years, building myself up and improving everything about myself. The therapist did notice that I seem so self-aware, that she is having a hard time figuring out where to start. And that for better or worse, i'm not acting like normal betrayed people do in infidelities. For one, my self-confidence and self-esteem has gone unchanged. I know I am more than enough. I know I am worthy of love. Therefore, I seem to be doing much better than 'normal' cases.

One thing that is obvious is that my boundaries are rather porous. I am the personality that will give everything away, even my foundation, to support other people. But I can no longer do that.

As such, I need to kick her out and make her understand fully the damage she has done, and force her to work on all her issues inside of her. I am no longer catering to her insecurities and internal issues. I am no longer going to be there to help her with her internal bs. Up until she improves, I may very well be done with her. However, again, due to COVID-19, i'm stuck with her. 

But good thing is that i'm getting a better control over my emotions, and need to build myself up. 

Now, the potential tricky part. Recently, a friend from highschool messaged me out of the blue. We were never close in highschool, but all our friends were convinced that we are a couple, as we did have some similarities in our personality. She got married relatively young, moved out of the country, and I hadn't heard from her in over 15 years, and didn't think much of her beyond that.

Now, she messaged to do some art collaborations (shes an artist/painter/sculptor/fashion designer etc, and I'm a photographer). We met up, and its surreal. Talking to her is like talking to a mirror. I do identify myself as an Empath, and also a Stoic that heavily follows through post-modernistic philosophy. I've never been able to relate to anyone as no one truly understands the hell I'm talking about, and no one really cares either. Yet, she does. All of it. 

As such, perhaps our friends in highschool were onto something. They may have sensed our similar aura and attitude to life, and coming back to this now, it seems in line. 

She ended a 10 year long marriage, and has taken several years to recover. 

And the banter is great, and she is super flirty as well. I haven't truly figured out if that is her actually flirting with me, or she has a flirtatious personality to begin with. But whatever, she seems pretty awesome. And I never seek validation from others, but with her, whatever weirdness that I am, are validated and affirmed through her. When I say mirror, I mean it! Its as if we are reading each others mind. Its super terrifying, and alluring, as I didn't come across anyone on the same page as me...until her.

Now the issue I'm having is internally, the hell do I do? What am i holding onto? Why am I trying to hold onto something? My marriage? Is it worth salvaging? Do I want to salvage it? If this old highschool friend is genuine, should I be going through a revenge affair? 

I dont like the concept of using or abusing people. However, the plan is also not consistent, as if we do something, she will be moving out of the country shortly after Covid ends, so if anything, its a short term thing. If I'm separated from my wife, is it still considered cheating? Maybe open relationship? should I even act upon it? I do fully understand that I'm still not 100% emotionally, therefore, I could potentially be using her as a rebound, which I dont want to do. If there is any possibilities of her feeling like a 'homewrecker', I wouldn't want to go through with it either. 

I do like her company, so if anything, just staying as platonic friends is perfectly fine with me too. Do need to clear the air with her.


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## Spaced Out Ace

I'd pursue that. Sounds like something worth pursuing over something that is like stepping on a glass lightbulb you dropped while trying to remove it, and have been stepping in because it is dark.


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## TedEH

I have no idea about any legal implications, but outside of that my  based on what I vaguely remember from what you've said before:


soliloquy said:


> Why am I trying to hold onto something? My marriage? Is it worth salvaging? Do I want to salvage it?


I don't remember all the details, but I was under the impression you guys were over. I would imagine you also feel that to be the case if you're currently trying to move on. I would personally ignore the legal status of marriage, and ignore whatever temporary living situation you might be in because of covid and evaluate that relationship purely on the basis of the relationship itself. If you act like you're just roommates at this point, then there's nothing to salvage and you should absolutely move on. If you still actively engage in a relationship - as in you have any remaining level of emotional or physical intimacy past being platonic towards eachother, then you have to decide if that's what you want.



soliloquy said:


> should I be going through a revenge affair?


It's not an affair unless you are breaking someone's trust. Again ignoring the legal aspect, ask yourself if you are breaking any sort of social contract or expectations. If there's no expectation that you're attached, then don't worry yourself about it. Don't forget that this contract has already been violated by someone else. There's also no reason you can't dictate or negotiate the terms of your relationships with anyone - as in there's no relationship if you're not both on board. If you do feel attached, and want to change that - then change it. Just be honest and transparent with every party, and you're fine.



soliloquy said:


> If I'm separated from my wife, is it still considered cheating?


That's a question only you and your wife (former wife?) can answer. If neither of you feels that it's cheating, then it's not. There's no outside obligation to stay attached to someone if you don't want to be.



soliloquy said:


> should I even act upon it?


If you felt strongly enough to come here and post about it, then I think you should. Don't pass up an opportunity to connect with someone that you want to get to know for the sake of someone who has already betrayed you. Be honest, be transparent, be the best version of yourself that you can, and go do whatever you want to do.


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## soliloquy

I really dont want to expose people to more risk due to COVID-19, but I think I have no choice but to kick her out. Her family doens't know, and part of me doesn't want them to know the full extend(in the event we do manage to make things work, I dont want more people to hold it against her/us, though she may deserve it). So she can say whatever she wants to them, like maybe we are having marital issues, and leave it at that. that is her problem now, not mine. If I do kick her out, I dont think i'll have contact with her for a few weeks. Let her sort her shit out. May extend this to a few months, and see if there is any improvement on her part. Or rather, enough improvement to get to the level where I can rely on her. 

I'm just so tired of living as roommates, and as said above, physical intimacy is all but gone, mostly from me, as I cant trust her. Emotional intimacy is almost gone, but I have been running on fumes and trying to take care of her, along with my world is exhausting. I'm sick and tired of caring for people. And that small part of me that is saying that emotional intimacy is almost gone, i'm not sure if that is because I genuinely cant see humans in pain, thus I care for them...OR if I care for her as her husband. 

I'm just tired of being tired. 


BTW, SS.ORG folks, you are all awesome!


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## TedEH

I recognize that the situation is not likely as clear-cut when you're living it, compared to what it might look like from the outside, but my  is that you should be very clear-cut about what the state of that relationship is. Ignore the paperwork and simply decide strait up if you want to continue calling this a relationship. If you come to the conclusion that no, definitively, things are over, then I think that should be a concrete end to everything that goes with it. Anything more than platonic just ends at that point. You can still care and be platonic - I'm still willing to help out my exes if they need something - but there are limits. That's helping in terms of things like "I need a lift 'cause my car broke down", not helping in terms of whether or not they need to get their shit together. That's no longer your problem.

I mean, I've dumped people over the _suggestion_ of cheating, despite no cheating ever taking place (that I'm aware of). To me, once the established boundaries of a relationship start getting bent, you either fix the problem, or make it no longer your problem, and the faster it happens the better. Any half-way solution is no solution at all, and you may not get the rest and relief you're looking for without that conclusive solution.


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## Spaced Out Ace

I don't see any way this will be repaired, and as I told you via pm, this high school friend seems worth pursuing and if you two hit it off, finding a way to make it work. But your marriage is basically a bandaid you need to rip off.


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## Ordacleaphobia

soliloquy said:


> BTW, SS.ORG folks, you are all awesome!



no u


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## Obsidian Soul

TedEH said:


> I mean, I've dumped people over the _suggestion_ of cheating, despite no cheating ever taking place (that I'm aware of). To me, once the established boundaries of a relationship start getting bent, you either fix the problem, or make it no longer your problem, and the faster it happens the better. Any half-way solution is no solution at all, and you may not get the rest and relief you're looking for without that conclusive solution.


Seen it and been there and done it;I 100% agree.You play with fire you get burned.


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## coupe89

soliloquy said:


> I really dont want to expose people to more risk due to COVID-19, but I think I have no choice but to kick her out. Her family doens't know, and part of me doesn't want them to know the full extend(in the event we do manage to make things work, I dont want more people to hold it against her/us, though she may deserve it). So she can say whatever she wants to them, like maybe we are having marital issues, and leave it at that. that is her problem now, not mine. If I do kick her out, I dont think i'll have contact with her for a few weeks. Let her sort her shit out. May extend this to a few months, and see if there is any improvement on her part. Or rather, enough improvement to get to the level where I can rely on her.
> 
> I'm just so tired of living as roommates, and as said above, physical intimacy is all but gone, mostly from me, as I cant trust her. Emotional intimacy is almost gone, but I have been running on fumes and trying to take care of her, along with my world is exhausting. I'm sick and tired of caring for people. And that small part of me that is saying that emotional intimacy is almost gone, i'm not sure if that is because I genuinely cant see humans in pain, thus I care for them...OR if I care for her as her husband.
> 
> I'm just tired of being tired.
> 
> 
> BTW, SS.ORG folks, you are all awesome!



From personal experience kick the wife out before she does something to herself and says you did it to her. My ex got drunk fell all over the place got bruises and then took pictures of them the next day. Week later I am getting charged and not matter what I say to the court I am a liar to them. Found out from her family a year later she had a guy on the side who she is now married too. She cheated on him too. Now I am a single parent and she moved away.


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## cwhitey2

Update:

She just decided out of the blue to stop talking to me (about 3 or 4 weeks ago now) and completely ghosted me. Which im honestly not surprised by, because there were several signs i choose to ignore and they way she was treating me explained everything.

I have met someone else who is much more down to earth and mentally stable. I guess ill see how this one pans out...


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

I don't bother dating. It's a hassle and I'm just not fond of relationships or people for the most part...and I hate dates.

I did, however, recently acquire a submissive. I like him. He's low maintenance, fun, and at worst he stays only for the night so when I want my private space back he doesn't stick around long.


----------



## Adieu

soliloquy said:


> I may be finding myself in some awkward positions.
> Backstory: 6 months ago (November), I found my wife was having an affair. I was devastated, angry, and my emotions were all over the place.
> now, most of my emotions are beginning to stabilize, but my anger is still there. I did kick her out of the house for a week in December, before Christmas holidays. And then again, most of January she was out of the house. I do want to kick her out of the house again and seek out a separation for a few months, however, with COVID-19, it is making things kind of impossible.
> 
> Just to deal with my emotions, I was planning on visiting a therapist, however COVID-19 came in, and i'm restricted to online sessions. Did 2, and will start again in person after. May try for couples therapy.
> 
> During this time, I'm finding a lot more about myself, which is kind of hard to imagine for myself. I've been living inside my head for well over 15 years, building myself up and improving everything about myself. The therapist did notice that I seem so self-aware, that she is having a hard time figuring out where to start. And that for better or worse, i'm not acting like normal betrayed people do in infidelities. For one, my self-confidence and self-esteem has gone unchanged. I know I am more than enough. I know I am worthy of love. Therefore, I seem to be doing much better than 'normal' cases.
> 
> One thing that is obvious is that my boundaries are rather porous. I am the personality that will give everything away, even my foundation, to support other people. But I can no longer do that.
> 
> As such, I need to kick her out and make her understand fully the damage she has done, and force her to work on all her issues inside of her. I am no longer catering to her insecurities and internal issues. I am no longer going to be there to help her with her internal bs. Up until she improves, I may very well be done with her. However, again, due to COVID-19, i'm stuck with her.
> 
> But good thing is that i'm getting a better control over my emotions, and need to build myself up.
> 
> Now, the potential tricky part. Recently, a friend from highschool messaged me out of the blue. We were never close in highschool, but all our friends were convinced that we are a couple, as we did have some similarities in our personality. She got married relatively young, moved out of the country, and I hadn't heard from her in over 15 years, and didn't think much of her beyond that.
> 
> Now, she messaged to do some art collaborations (shes an artist/painter/sculptor/fashion designer etc, and I'm a photographer). We met up, and its surreal. Talking to her is like talking to a mirror. I do identify myself as an Empath, and also a Stoic that heavily follows through post-modernistic philosophy. I've never been able to relate to anyone as no one truly understands the hell I'm talking about, and no one really cares either. Yet, she does. All of it.
> 
> As such, perhaps our friends in highschool were onto something. They may have sensed our similar aura and attitude to life, and coming back to this now, it seems in line.
> 
> She ended a 10 year long marriage, and has taken several years to recover.
> 
> And the banter is great, and she is super flirty as well. I haven't truly figured out if that is her actually flirting with me, or she has a flirtatious personality to begin with. But whatever, she seems pretty awesome. And I never seek validation from others, but with her, whatever weirdness that I am, are validated and affirmed through her. When I say mirror, I mean it! Its as if we are reading each others mind. Its super terrifying, and alluring, as I didn't come across anyone on the same page as me...until her.
> 
> Now the issue I'm having is internally, the hell do I do? What am i holding onto? Why am I trying to hold onto something? My marriage? Is it worth salvaging? Do I want to salvage it? If this old highschool friend is genuine, should I be going through a revenge affair?
> 
> I dont like the concept of using or abusing people. However, the plan is also not consistent, as if we do something, she will be moving out of the country shortly after Covid ends, so if anything, its a short term thing. If I'm separated from my wife, is it still considered cheating? Maybe open relationship? should I even act upon it? I do fully understand that I'm still not 100% emotionally, therefore, I could potentially be using her as a rebound, which I dont want to do. If there is any possibilities of her feeling like a 'homewrecker', I wouldn't want to go through with it either.
> 
> I do like her company, so if anything, just staying as platonic friends is perfectly fine with me too. Do need to clear the air with her.



Does she know of your marital status and issues?

If yes... her reaction?


If no....ask yourself why you hid that


----------



## TedEH

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> I don't bother dating. It's a hassle and I'm just not fond of relationships or people for the most part...and I hate dates.


Sometimes, I'm in that same boat. Other people are exhausting.


----------



## Ordacleaphobia

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> I don't bother dating. It's a hassle and I'm just not fond of relationships or people for the most part...and I hate dates.
> 
> I did, however, recently acquire a submissive. I like him. He's low maintenance, fun, and at worst he stays only for the night so when I want my private space back he doesn't stick around long.



Livin' the dream.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

soliloquy said:


> What am i holding onto? Why am I trying to hold onto something? My marriage? Is it worth salvaging? Do I want to salvage it?



I see this is a little old but I'll throw my 2 cents in here. A couple guiding principles I use when asking myself similar questions:

1. If it's not hell fuckin' yeah, it's no.
2. If you have to ask, it's probably no, see above.

If it's any help I just ended my second marriage in somewhat similar circumstances, though I'm very much on my own and enjoying it presently. Either way, my condolences, I have deep sympathies for what you're experiencing.



soliloquy said:


> should I be going through a revenge affair?



What you "should" do is for you and you alone to decide, but I can tell you that if you start a relationship in dishonesty it will never be healthy. This new person will not likely take well to your shady behavior if you choose this path. I've inadvertently been the "other guy" in someone else's marriage because they misrepresented the openness of their marriage to me, and I ended a valued friendship over it. Dishonesty breeds more dishonesty forever and always.


----------



## soliloquy

Adieu said:


> Does she know of your marital status and issues?
> 
> If yes... her reaction?
> 
> 
> If no....ask yourself why you hid that



I'm going in a slightly different direction. Its open all over now. So exploring what an open relationship is/means. technically speaking, this is exactly what I was looking for. Openness, and vulnerability in a perpetual state of mind. 

the new person knows my relationship. My partner knows my feelings. Everyone knows everything. 

New person's reaction is 'yes...but...' and therefor I'm not pursuing/pushing it any further. If she comes around, i'll question if its just a momentary weakness, or if she is on board. 

not hiding anything. not lying to anyone. not in the game to use/manipulate/hurt/abuse/coerce anyone into anyone. 

and even in my open-ness, i'm not actively seeking people. My open-ness is only reserved for someone interesting enough to come my way, and is on board.

guess the correct term of this is 'ethical non-monogamy'


----------



## TedEH

Wasn't this the situation that started because of someone cheating? I have no criticism of the open thing - if it works for you it works for you, all the power to you - but does that solve the original conflict? If it does, then that's great. If you're doing this in any way in expense of what _you_ wanted, then I don't know that I'd want to continue any form of relationship with someone who has already demonstrated that they're willing to break the boundaries of the relationship you already had. If you're happy, then I'm happy for you. If not, then I recommend being careful that you're not letting other people put their needs and wants before yours.

I'll give you props for making honesty and openness a priority. I'm a bit sad for you that the new person is no longer a thing. I hope that this arrangement works out for you, and I hope that you'll always remember to keep your own happiness a priority.


----------



## soliloquy

TedEH said:


> Wasn't this the situation that started because of someone cheating? I have no criticism of the open thing - if it works for you it works for you, all the power to you - but does that solve the original conflict? If it does, then that's great. If you're doing this in any way in expense of what _you_ wanted, then I don't know that I'd want to continue any form of relationship with someone who has already demonstrated that they're willing to break the boundaries of the relationship you already had. If you're happy, then I'm happy for you. If not, then I recommend being careful that you're not letting other people put their needs and wants before yours.
> 
> I'll give you props for making honesty and openness a priority. I'm a bit sad for you that the new person is no longer a thing. I hope that this arrangement works out for you, and I hope that you'll always remember to keep your own happiness a priority.



It's kind of complicated, but let me try explaining:

Prior to the affair, I always maintained the ethos that I am not perfect. I am happy with who or what I am, but I know I will never be 100% perfect for others. Likewise, others won't be perfect for me. The concept of "soul mates" never agreed with me, as we are expecting way too much from one individual. They are to fulfill our every need. They meet if financially, mentally, physically, sexually, emotionally, their intellect and sense of humor matches 100%. To expect that from a person alone never seemed fair to me.

Moreover, I never liked restrictions placed on humans. Our daily lives are so restrictive on what/who we can be in the open. But then they put further restrictions on us behind closed doors? In many parts of the world, certain acts, even between hetrosexual people is illegal. Even in North America (oral, sodomy, period sex, bdsm as a few examples). You add homosexuality into the mix, and it's even more restrictions. Which is something that always irritated me. We should be free to express ourselves and love whatever without government, or religion, or society, or culture, or tradition, history, ideas etc limit or cage us from doing so. 

Moreover, I always maintained the idea that though affairs suck, and shouldn't be, I understand why they happen. People can't communicate, or their insecurities are always preventing them from growing or developing and evolving. I think affairs could be prevented if we are open with everything and not hide anything. 

As such, the concept of open marriage/relationships always made sense to me. Mind you, these are my opinions specifically. It may not work for others. 

In comes the affair. I am devastated. I am angry. I am hurt.

Tried lots of things but nothing helping, and anger is blinding me from all my otherwise logically thinking mind. And clouds me from accessing my open mindedness and kindness. 

Society is also telling me to stay angry and kick out my partner, and there is no other way. Partly because of that, I held onto the anger and continue destroying myself. Tried therapy, and it kind of helped, but I already knew most of it.

I wasn't making sense of myself. 

In comes this old highschool friend (new person). I didnt expect her to re-enter my life, and was not seeking her out either. 

It suddenly dawned on me that I've been hypocritical. The new person made me realize, or reminded me just how powerful the high from a new person can be. And the idea of being chased by a new person is excessively exciting. 

As such, I forgave my partner on the second aspect. 1st was I forgave her for being depressed and having mental illnesses, and self destructing in it. I can't hold that against anyone. The 2nd was I forgave her for sleeping with someone else. I didn't actually care about that act. As such, I forgave her 66%. Another 33% remains where I haven't forgiven her for hurting me, lying to me, and putting me at risk. However, she is trying, and I can see the effort she has been putting in herself and us, and correcting all her wrongs.

In doing so, I enforced open communication of everything! Regardless of how painful the conversation is, I am no longer hiding anything, and expect the same in return. Don't care who's feelings are being hurt, if it's in me, and I'm feeling it, I'm letting it out, and I'm forcing it out of others around me.

This is bringing my partner and I a whole lot closer. This is also fixing a lot of issues we had prior to the affair. Correcting all the wrongs. I went from 100% at the start of the relationship, to maybe 60% before the affair, to 10%after the affair, to about 90% now.

All the while this is happening with my partner, the new person and I are getting a lot closer. She knows everything, and I also told her how I feel. She saved me from my anger, and I can't thank her enough for that. But I so told her that if there is any remote possibility of her to reconsider in the future, I rather we just be platonic friends and keep it at that, that I'm not going to enforce her into anything.

My partner knows of how I feel about the new person..the new person also knows my situation. My partner also understands and has given me the green light. Painful conversations got us all to this point.

The new person and I are still talking and meeting up constantly. She has her own demons that I'm helping her with. I no longer have any expectations from this new relationship to go further than friends. But I'm leaving it on her to take it further, if she wants. She is tempted, but she still doesn't know how she feels about this, and needs more time to figure out her feelings and sort her demons out. 

Till then, I'm busy self exploring and seeking out what happiness means to me.

my partner is busy digging deep into herself and working on her self.

We are working on ourselves and improving and getting stronger and closer together.

I am also working on the new person and helping her, as she helped me. 

My partner is my primary. The new person, if it develops to anything more than platonic, would be secondary. Expectations are already clear on all sides. 

Consent is observed everywhere, and everyone is in agreement and on the same page.

I am happy. It took me a while, but I am finally happy and feel liberated from a lot of things I felt were holding me back.

I am also happy that my recovery time post affair is significant shorter from what my therapists have said, and what I'm finding online. Most take years or a lifetime to recover, and always hold a resentment and seem to never fully step out of it. but I also realize that my personality and self-worth were independent to other people. As such, I'm not actually all that hurt as I thought I was. 

Would I recommend anyone to go through what I did? No. But I went through hell to finally get to a better place, and I can finally stop being self-less and put myself first.


----------



## TedEH

soliloquy said:


> It's kind of complicated, but let me try explaining


This was an interesting read.



soliloquy said:


> The concept of "soul mates" never agreed with me


I'm with you on that one. I'm of the opinion that given the vast number of people out there, it's very likely that anyone might find a high number of people they are going to be compatible with. On some level, the idea of monogamy might be a bit arbitrary, but I think I understand the appeal of it.



soliloquy said:


> Moreover, I always maintained the idea that though affairs suck, and shouldn't be, I understand why they happen.


I think this is where our views would differ. Even if you take the view that monogamy is arbitrary, and people are imperfect, a relationship is a sort of social contract. Even an open relationship remains a social contract. There are still expectations and boundaries. To me, a willingness to break that contract is a line that you shouldn't cross - but I get that this is erring on the side of being harsh, and it's not a view for everyone. I know that I would not be able to handle starting a new kind of relationship with someone who already demonstrated a willingness to break trust in that way. Maybe you're a better person than me in this way.



soliloquy said:


> I enforced open communication of everything!


I don't think this is something you can really enforce. You can be very adamant, but you cannot force a person to communicate all of their thoughts to you. In the end, you're left in a position of trusting that everyone is being as honest and open as they say they are. I don't mean this to suggest that anyone is not doing so - but I would be careful that you don't kid yourself about how much control you have over that element.



soliloquy said:


> My partner is my primary. The new person, if it develops to anything more than platonic, would be secondary.


This has always been one of the things that turns me off of the idea of polygamy. People are messy. People get jealous or envious. People get competitive. Almost every relationship I've been involved in has had moments where people claimed to be ok with how you relate to other people, up until the point where they suddenly are not (and sometimes I'm the one guilty of that too). I can only imagine that the risk of that kind of drama goes up with each person you add into the equation.



soliloquy said:


> I am happy. It took me a while, but I am finally happy and feel liberated from a lot of things I felt were holding me back.





soliloquy said:


> I can finally stop being self-less and put myself first


At the end of the day, this is the important part, IMO. If you're happy, then I'm happy for you.


----------



## Adieu

soliloquy said:


> I'm going in a slightly different direction. Its open all over now. So exploring what an open relationship is/means. technically speaking, this is exactly what I was looking for. Openness, and vulnerability in a perpetual state of mind.
> 
> the new person knows my relationship. My partner knows my feelings. Everyone knows everything.
> 
> New person's reaction is 'yes...but...' and therefor I'm not pursuing/pushing it any further. If she comes around, i'll question if its just a momentary weakness, or if she is on board.
> 
> not hiding anything. not lying to anyone. not in the game to use/manipulate/hurt/abuse/coerce anyone into anyone.
> 
> and even in my open-ness, i'm not actively seeking people. My open-ness is only reserved for someone interesting enough to come my way, and is on board.
> 
> guess the correct term of this is 'ethical non-monogamy'



Kinda sounds like the wife did some DIY improv damage control... of the bullshit, duct tape, and WD40 variety


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

So, I was considering the relationship I have with my submissive and the thought occurred to me that straight guys don't usually get that kind of thing.

He's not used to much and pretty green around the gills. Because of that he's been used and mistreated by people who didn't really want him to be himself.

It's my job to teach him stuff, introduce him to new experiences and provide a non-judgemental safe space for him to figure out who he is and what he wants both sexually and otherwise. He's free to do what he wants, and who he wants, but I'm around if he needs advice or whatever.

Sure there's the usual dom/sub stuff but it's because he likes it and wants that sort of care and dynamic.

I assume that when he's learned enough I'll uncollar him and he'll go off and do his own thing with the knowledge and experience of everything he's learned with me, and hopefully he'll be a lot better at understanding and communicating his needs with whoever he ends up with (he's kinda set on marriage and kids so maybe he'll go that route).

Point is, I don't think it happens with straight guys too often that an older woman kinda takes them in and teaches them things, helps them through their insecurities/issues, and trains them to be more confident in themselves so they can do better in their relationships...which sucks.

I honestly wish everyone had that advantage because there would be a lot fewer lost people in the world trying to navigate relationships and hoping to get it right.


----------



## TedEH

^ I think that sounds like a pretty shallow view of how relationships work. Most people come out of most relationships having learned something about themselves (and in healthy situations that generally means they're more prepared to contribute to another healthy relationship than they were previously). And you've made the assumptions that other relationships are all based on the same wants and needs that yours is, and that most other people aren't as good and tolerant of other people, or as willing to partner up with someone of a different "experience" level than themselves. That kind of thing absolutely does happen in straight relationships, it's just not as edgy to talk about it.

One of the things you learn after being in relationships with a number of people is that no two people on the planet seem to have the same idea of what a partnership is supposed to be or mean. And age has little to do with it. I would be willing to bet orientation has nothing to do with it either. There's all kinds out there.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

TedEH said:


> ^ I think that sounds like a pretty shallow view of how relationships work. Most people come out of most relationships having learned something about themselves (and in healthy situations that generally means they're more prepared to contribute to another healthy relationship than they were previously). And you've made the assumptions that other relationships are all based on the same wants and needs that yours is, and that most other people aren't as good and tolerant of other people, or as willing to partner up with someone of a different "experience" level than themselves. That kind of thing absolutely does happen in straight relationships, it's just not as edgy to talk about it.
> 
> One of the things you learn after being in relationships with a number of people is that no two people on the planet seem to have the same idea of what a partnership is supposed to be or mean. And age has little to do with it. I would be willing to bet orientation has nothing to do with it either. There's all kinds out there.



You learn from every relationship..however often times you learn things the hard way and it takes some time to learn things about yourself and how you interact with others. Not to mention lots of people have cycles of getting into bad relationships due to past traumas and other such things.

Not many people get an opportunity to be involved with someone where they sort that shit out and pretty much "stop time" to develop themselves and unlearn negative behaviors. Often times relationships are a trial and error thing, and there's no manual on how to navigate such situations.

It's especially beneficial for people who have more on their plate than the average person and they're trying to figure out their unique wants and needs while dealing with the damage of what's been done to them in the past.

BDSM and other such things aren't a strictly homosexual activity..however it seems to be more accepted for gays and seen more as some misunderstood weird kink to straight people..which is why we have misleading nonsense like 50 Shades Of Grey. I think it's also a cultural thing and based on what's often the gay experience growing up, finding acceptance, guidance, discipline, and actual care is often pretty hard.

Right now there's sort of a new sexual revolution where people are defining their wants and needs, choosing to have relationships outside of the monogamy mindset, etc..but that stuff has been going on in gay culture for a long time and is nothing new. Gender roles, relationship archetypes, and all those things aren't one size fits all, more and more straight people are starting to realize it's not a "weird kinky" thing but tailoring relationships in a way that's healthiest for them. Things outside of the monogamous missionary sex, male roles and female roles dynamic were often seen as weird, or freaky and that holds especially true when you factor in different racial backgrounds/cultures.

All the stuff that's part of this new sexual mindset of today, LGBT folk have been doing since forever. It's just we were considered deviants for doing it.


----------



## TedEH

I think we'd have to agree to disagree. Outside of the sex-specific bits (because relationships are not just sex), most of what you said is pretty universal, as far as I can tell. I won't claim to speak for anyone else, but my experience has been that pretty much every relationship I've known in any detail was about just as much about the partnership and growth of both (all?) people involved. Maybe I'm biased by the kinds of relationships I tend to get into or something.


----------



## soliloquy

TedEH said:


> I think we'd have to agree to disagree. Outside of the sex-specific bits (because relationships are not just sex), most of what you said is pretty universal, as far as I can tell. I won't claim to speak for anyone else, but my experience has been that pretty much every relationship I've known in any detail was about just as much about the partnership and growth of both (all?) people involved. Maybe I'm biased by the kinds of relationships I tend to get into or something.



i may be off base here, but I think what @DrakkarTyrannis (please correct me if i have a flawed understanding here) is trying to imply is not only the difference between gay/straight relationships, or dom/sub type relationships, its boiling down to kink/vanilla personalities. 

yes, sex is a HUGE factor in many relationships, but the emphasis placed on sex is different based on different peoples version of libido, interests, and understanding of sex. it is a sexual revolution for one to dismiss any notions thrown at them based on their cultures/society/religion/upbringing/traditions, that they just move on from one relationship to another, doing the same thing and not really learning as much about themselves, as they possibly could learn. 

case in point: i am straight. 100% straight. However, i was also born and raised in a VERY string and religious country (Saudi Arabia), to Pakistani parents, which view homosexuality as not only a sin, but also something that just 'does not exist' and dismiss it. As such, there is a possibility that I may be Bi, but I was never given that opportunity to explore my sexuality because of my surroundings of what is considered norm. Had i been born/raised in a more open society, I may have had the freedom to at least explore. Even after going through that, I may have concluded myself that yeah, i am straight, or that 'i tried it. I learned from it, and it wasn't for me'. 

likewise, we, often times, are so ashamed of our own kinks that we cant seem to explain that to our partners, out of fear of rejection or judgement. I dont know, but for example, say I am really into feet, and have a foot fetish. If I meet person A, who says shes open minded and we get along on almost everything. But if I tell her that i want her to do stuff involving her feet, she gets grossed out and runs away. or that she does it half-assed just to 'tick the box' as a duty, and not be enthusiastically exploring that kink with me. 

as such, the BDSM world does seem intriguing. at least to me. I think I've always been either a dom, or switch, but I've never had a partner willing to explore it due to their own reservations to sex, so I by default become dominating, but maybe not dom?


----------



## Nicki

soliloquy said:


> i may be off base here, but I think what @DrakkarTyrannis (please correct me if i have a flawed understanding here) is trying to imply is not only the difference between gay/straight relationships, or dom/sub type relationships, its boiling down to kink/vanilla personalities.
> 
> yes, sex is a HUGE factor in many relationships, but the emphasis placed on sex is different based on different peoples version of libido, interests, and understanding of sex. it is a sexual revolution for one to dismiss any notions thrown at them based on their cultures/society/religion/upbringing/traditions, that they just move on from one relationship to another, doing the same thing and not really learning as much about themselves, as they possibly could learn.
> 
> case in point: i am straight. 100% straight. However, i was also born and raised in a VERY string and religious country (Saudi Arabia), to Pakistani parents, which view homosexuality as not only a sin, but also something that just 'does not exist' and dismiss it. As such, there is a possibility that I may be Bi, but I was never given that opportunity to explore my sexuality because of my surroundings of what is considered norm. Had i been born/raised in a more open society, I may have had the freedom to at least explore. Even after going through that, I may have concluded myself that yeah, i am straight, or that 'i tried it. I learned from it, and it wasn't for me'.
> 
> likewise, we, often times, are so ashamed of our own kinks that we cant seem to explain that to our partners, out of fear of rejection or judgement. I dont know, but for example, say I am really into feet, and have a foot fetish. If I meet person A, who says shes open minded and we get along on almost everything. But if I tell her that i want her to do stuff involving her feet, she gets grossed out and runs away. or that she does it half-assed just to 'tick the box' as a duty, and not be enthusiastically exploring that kink with me.
> 
> as such, the BDSM world does seem intriguing. at least to me. I think I've always been either a dom, or switch, but I've never had a partner willing to explore it due to their own reservations to sex, so I by default become dominating, but maybe not dom?



The thing about sexual compatibility is that people who are willing to actively work on that aspect of their relationship often become more sexually compatible with each other than those whom they would be sexually compatible with from day 1. A person who is unwilling to openly discuss their or their partner's sexual needs and desires with their partner is, in my opinion, not comfortable enough with their own sexuality and is therefor not ready to explore kinks of any kind. It does take a certain level of maturity and trust to be able to talk about those things with a partner, so if one person can openly discuss it and the other can't then there's obviously a maturity gap that is much harder to close than the gap in sexual compatibility. Adversely, if both people can openly discuss the topic of sex, with one wanting to explore kinks and the other not having any interest in it, then there is an inherent incompatibility there that they would either need to work around/through or let it destroy the relationship.

Let's not also discount the fact that over time, people change. One reason why relationships and marriages fail is because people change and don't work on staying compatible in most (or all) aspects with their partner. Relationships are a constant thing that needs to be worked on.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

Sex isn't all that matters, however people learn a lot about themselves through sex and often times navigating what turns them on, why it turns them on, and how to explain that to others is tough. People don't want to be rejected when at their most vulnerable, letting a partner in on something that they really like and thinks is important.

My sub, seen as "butch" and "masculine" to everyone, likes frilly things and lace underwear and stuff. Not exactly full on cross dressing but enough to be jarring for the people he dates who want him because he's a "real man". He's pansexual but mainly has only had experience with trans girls and very fem gay dudes who all see him as "straight acting"...so they don't like it when they find out he has this side. Not only that but because of the way he's perceived, he doesn't usually attract bigger more dom guys, but he does like those types and wants the chance to give control to someone else.

The boy is completely misunderstood by friends and family, has been told that no one will love him if he keeps up the cross dressing thing, told by others that he needs to pick a side and that he's straight but just confused, etc. He's had so many people trying to shape him into their idea of who he should be that he'd been robbed of the opportunities to develop into his own person.

As his dom, it's not just about sex. I provide a space for him to be himself, ask questions, learn things, etc. Sometimes he just comes over for a drink and to talk and be heard without judgement. I can empathize with him in a way others in his past can't, so I offer advice. Sexually I don't judge him, I'm patient, and it's about him exploring his wants and needs. It's my job to work through those things with him so that he can actually voice his likes and needs and screen potential partners better to avoid people who don't actually want him in the way he needs to be wanted.

He and I aren't dating, I don't do jealousy, and my goal is simply to help him develop in such a way that he does find a compatible partner once he has a better understanding of who he is and what he wants.

Not everyone gets that chance to be in a completely safe space with a more experienced person who's there to teach them. Especially when it comes to people trying to figure out who they are and what they want, relationships can be difficult


----------



## TedEH

I mean, it sounds like you're in a good place, and have something good going with this dude. I just meant to say that similar positive/healthy characteristics are not something completely missing from strait relationships.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

TedEH said:


> I mean, it sounds like you're in a good place, and have something good going with this dude. I just meant to say that similar positive/healthy characteristics are not something completely missing from strait relationships.



Definitely. They certainly exist in straight relationships, however more often than not it's hard for people to navigate situations outside of the norm. It's not exactly common for a younger guy to get picked up by an older experienced woman who wants nothing but to help him develop so he can be better with relationships going forward. That mentor dynamic doesn't happen too often. Most people learn things via trial and error. Women don't usually get an older man willing to do that unless it comes with some serious downsides.

Having a girlfriend/boyfriend willing to try out things with you is a lot different from having a dom who's not your girlfriend/boyfriend and who is solely there for your personal development.


----------



## TedEH

Fair enough.


----------



## jco5055

Gf and I have a trip planned this Thursday, for about two weeks on the west coast (Washington/Oregon/San Diego). Planned and got tested for COVID-19 on Thursday just as a precautionary thing in case we were asymptomatic, but on Wednesday I had a mild scratchy throat through thursday and now I'm showing symptoms of a mild head cold. Our test results will arrive somewhere between Sunday-Tueday.

Now my gf is freaking out and wants to cancel the whole trip just because "she just knows/has a premonition" the results will say they are positive, even though none of our flights/airbnbs etc need to be canceled before our test results return to lose less $ etc.

I'm not wrong that she's being COMPLETELY irrational right? She goes to therapy for anxiety and I know she is trying to improve in that aspect, but that doesn't mean I just have to dismiss anything she does in a moment of stress right?


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

jco5055 said:


> Gf and I have a trip planned this Thursday, for about two weeks on the west coast (Washington/Oregon/San Diego). Planned and got tested for COVID-19 on Thursday just as a precautionary thing in case we were asymptomatic, but on Wednesday I had a mild scratchy throat through thursday and now I'm showing symptoms of a mild head cold. Our test results will arrive somewhere between Sunday-Tueday.
> 
> Now my gf is freaking out and wants to cancel the whole trip just because "she just knows/has a premonition" the results will say they are positive, even though none of our flights/airbnbs etc need to be canceled before our test results return to lose less $ etc.
> 
> I'm not wrong that she's being COMPLETELY irrational right? She goes to therapy for anxiety and I know she is trying to improve in that aspect, but that doesn't mean I just have to dismiss anything she does in a moment of stress right?




Hm.....I always wondered how Covid keeps spreading. I get it now


----------



## jco5055

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> Hm.....I always wondered how Covid keeps spreading. I get it now


?? We will cancel if the results are positive, but we will know the results before the trip and are quarantining in the meantime so I don’t see how we are helping it spread.


----------



## jco5055

Also got my results today, I’m negative so I guess just a cold.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

I havent been on this thread in about 9 years but yall helped me lock in this chick who was giving me mixed signals and she proceeded to ruin my life then commit a bunch of felonies and get expelled/deported. Regardless thats who I lost my virginity too and I want to thank yall for the assist


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## MaxOfMetal

PyramidSmasher said:


> I havent been on this thread in about 9 years but yall helped me lock in this chick who was giving me mixed signals and she proceeded to ruin my life then commit a bunch of felonies and get expelled/deported. Regardless thats who I lost my virginity too and I want to thank yall for the assist



So what you're saying is, it was worth it?


----------



## PyramidSmasher

MaxOfMetal said:


> So what you're saying is, it was worth it?


More than worth it


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

PyramidSmasher said:


> I havent been on this thread in about 9 years but yall helped me lock in this chick who was giving me mixed signals and she proceeded to ruin my life then commit a bunch of felonies and get expelled/deported. Regardless thats who I lost my virginity too and I want to thank yall for the assist


47 and you finally lost your v card. We're proud of you.


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Spaced Out Ace said:


> 47 and you finally lost your v card. We're proud of you.



Definitely way faster than anyone who knows me would have expected. Being sexually active has been the best 2 minutes of my life so far.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

PyramidSmasher said:


> Definitely way faster than anyone who knows me would have expected. Being sexually active has been the best 2 minutes of my life so far.



......I have so many questions but I don't think I even wanna go down that rabbit hole.


----------



## MFB

Looks we finally found one hole that Drakkar want's no part of, 'bout time


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

PyramidSmasher said:


> Definitely way faster than anyone who knows me would have expected. Being sexually active has been the best 2 minutes of my life so far.


Love em and leave em, Mr. Speed. Move on.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

MFB said:


> Looks we finally found one hole that Drakkar want's no part of, 'bout time



*Reported for hate speech. Completely accurate and factual hate speech*


----------



## PyramidSmasher

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Love em and leave em, Mr. Speed. Move on.


haha Im JK but my point is this thread changed some young mens lives even if we never heard the stories


----------



## TedEH

I'd be lying if I said this thread (or the forum as a whole) had no influence on my life. Some of the best "I already know but I need someone on the internet to tell it to me so I can admit it myself" style dating advice I've gotten has come from this thread.

I've had nothing to post here in a while, cause the 'rona mostly means no dating for a while.


----------



## c7spheres

MFB said:


> Looks we finally found one hole that Drakkar want's no part of, 'bout time





DrakkarTyrannis said:


> *Reported for hate speech. Completely accurate and factual hate speech*



I love you guys for having a sense of humor. The world needs more of this type of light hearted shit talk.


----------



## TheBolivianSniper

Well got broken up with after almost 3 years. Technically it's an indefinite break. I hope this doesn't last long bc I told her I'd wait for her to feel better and get herself together like she said she needed to and she agreed. Every day is one day closer to the day she comes back I guess, that's the good thing


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

TheBolivianSniper said:


> Well got broken up with after almost 3 years. Technically it's an indefinite break. I hope this doesn't last long bc I told her I'd wait for her to feel better and get herself together like she said she needed to and she agreed. Every day is one day closer to the day she comes back I guess, that's the good thing



Um....I think that's a nice way of saying y'all are done. I wouldn't bank too much on her coming back. You'd best get used to the single life


----------



## Adieu

PyramidSmasher said:


> I havent been on this thread in about 9 years but yall helped me lock in this chick who was giving me mixed signals and she proceeded to ruin my life then commit a bunch of felonies and get expelled/deported. Regardless thats who I lost my virginity too and I want to thank yall for the assist



Good on you, son!


PS ...we did advise you to use condoms, right?


----------



## High Plains Drifter

Tiny Terror Special Edition Condoms... available in orange.


----------



## Adieu

High Plains Drifter said:


> Tiny Terror Special Edition Condoms... available in orange.



I recommend something that can double as a personal defense sidearm in event of a zombie apocalypse / riot / 2020 election season




...or whatever the fuck this thing is. Maybe.


Disclaimer: don't take medical advice from strangers on the internet.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

Adieu said:


> zombie apocalypse / riot / 2020 election season


Incredibly superfluous, dude. All three are the same.


----------



## MrBouleDeBowling

So I've been having this huge crush on a girl I work with for a long time. We get along very well and have a lot in common. I am the shyest guy you will ever meet but I once asked her out on a date and she said yes but backed at the last minute. I just guessed she wasn't interested. At the begining of the year, I told one of her collegue I have a crush on this girl but I don't think she is interested. She straight up said:" ALEX she notices you everytime you pass by in her department. Yesterday you had the day off but you came to see your schedule and she was like:"Oh! Alex is here?" I asked her out again, she said yes with no hesitation. Backed out at the last minute again. Then, the whole lockdown thing happened. Another collegue told me that with her, you have to be persistant, she don't notice subtle signs and is even shyer than me but she is not indifferent about me at all. She cancels at the last minute because she panicks. She also never figured out I'm interested. Now that the restrictions are softened, I invited her for coffee. Same thing again.

I'm tired of it. Long story short, I suck at this and I am an idiot for crushing on her for so long but I kept being persistant because I thought I had my chances and my collegues encouraged me. I'm about to just spill the beans and tell her:"Samantha, will we ever see each other outside of work? I have a crush on you, will you give me a chance to get to know you better?" Should I do it?

INB4: "move on you idiot". I am very aware I should


----------



## c7spheres

AlexCorriveau said:


> So I've been having this huge crush on a girl I work with for a long time. We get along very well and have a lot in common. I am the shyest guy you will ever meet but I once asked her out on a date and she said yes but backed at the last minute. I just guessed she wasn't interested. At the begining of the year, I told one of her collegue I have a crush on this girl but I don't think she is interested. She straight up said:" ALEX she notices you everytime you pass by in her department. Yesterday you had the day off but you came to see your schedule and she was like:"Oh! Alex is here?" I asked her out again, she said yes with no hesitation. Backed out at the last minute again. Then, the whole lockdown thing happened. Another collegue told me that with her, you have to be persistant, she don't notice subtle signs and is even shyer than me but she is not indifferent about me at all. She cancels at the last minute because she panicks. She also never figured out I'm interested. Now that the restrictions are softened, I invited her for coffee. Same thing again.
> 
> I'm tired of it. Long story short, I suck at this and I am an idiot for crushing on her for so long but I kept being persistant because I thought I had my chances and my collegues encouraged me. I'm about to just spill the beans and tell her:"Samantha, will we ever see each other outside of work? I have a crush on you, will you give me a chance to get to know you better?" Should I do it?
> 
> INB4: "move on you idiot". I am very aware I should


 
She's playing hard to get. She hasn't said no. In fact, she said yes 3 times! Don't come out saying you have a crush or anything like that. Just keep doing what you've been doing. Eventually she'll either say she's not interested or actually not stand you up. I'm guessing she is interested though because otherwise she would likely have just said no the first or second time. If you come out and say the other stuff about having a crush on her or getting impatient you mess up her littel game and she'll just forget the entire thing. Just keep doing what you've been doing. You're not doing anythig better at work anyways. You gotta nurture these things sometimes. Sometimes they like playing hard to get and foreplay etc. Just ask her out once every so often like once every couple weeks or when it feels right. She'll come around, go out with you, rock your world, and leave you feeling totally different about her innocence! Just kidding, maybe.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

Eh, I dunno. Playing games is sort of a sign of immaturity.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

AlexCorriveau said:


> So I've been having this huge crush on a girl I work with for a long time. We get along very well and have a lot in common. I am the shyest guy you will ever meet but I once asked her out on a date and she said yes but backed at the last minute. I just guessed she wasn't interested. At the begining of the year, I told one of her collegue I have a crush on this girl but I don't think she is interested. She straight up said:" ALEX she notices you everytime you pass by in her department. Yesterday you had the day off but you came to see your schedule and she was like:"Oh! Alex is here?" I asked her out again, she said yes with no hesitation. Backed out at the last minute again. Then, the whole lockdown thing happened. Another collegue told me that with her, you have to be persistant, she don't notice subtle signs and is even shyer than me but she is not indifferent about me at all. She cancels at the last minute because she panicks. She also never figured out I'm interested. Now that the restrictions are softened, I invited her for coffee. Same thing again.
> 
> I'm tired of it. Long story short, I suck at this and I am an idiot for crushing on her for so long but I kept being persistant because I thought I had my chances and my collegues encouraged me. I'm about to just spill the beans and tell her:"Samantha, will we ever see each other outside of work? I have a crush on you, will you give me a chance to get to know you better?" Should I do it?
> 
> INB4: "move on you idiot". I am very aware I should



I would suggest ( depending on the structure of your particular work environment) that you try to simply find a moment or ask her for a moment of her time and use that moment to succinctly yet sincerely let her know that if or when she feels as if she'd like to go out, hang out, do lunch, etc... that she let you know. This allows her to take some control, may minimize her possible anxiety, and relieve any pressure that she might have felt previously. It seems at this point that you and she both feel that there is or may be a certain compatibility or connection already developing. I would then continue to simply be kind to her and continue this friendly relation without any expectations. This also empowers her and that's a great thing for a shy person to feel... as you're already aware. Best of luck. I genuinely hope that things move forward and that you both find some positive benefits in continuing ( and possibly escalating) this interaction.


----------



## TedEH

Maybe a better approach would be to ask to do something _immediately_ instead of setting up plans for something in the future. "Hey, I feel like doing x, I'm headed out right now - wanna join me?" Don't let the question linger, don't let anticipation build, all the things that could lead a person to overthink and panic. It'll either work or it won't. If if it doesn't, then just move on. Use that confidence you built to ask someone who respects your time a bit more.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

AlexCorriveau said:


> So I've been having this huge crush on a girl I work with for a long time. We get along very well and have a lot in common. I am the shyest guy you will ever meet but I once asked her out on a date and she said yes but backed at the last minute. I just guessed she wasn't interested. At the begining of the year, I told one of her collegue I have a crush on this girl but I don't think she is interested. She straight up said:" ALEX she notices you everytime you pass by in her department. Yesterday you had the day off but you came to see your schedule and she was like:"Oh! Alex is here?" I asked her out again, she said yes with no hesitation. Backed out at the last minute again. Then, the whole lockdown thing happened. Another collegue told me that with her, you have to be persistant, she don't notice subtle signs and is even shyer than me but she is not indifferent about me at all. She cancels at the last minute because she panicks. She also never figured out I'm interested. Now that the restrictions are softened, I invited her for coffee. Same thing again.
> 
> I'm tired of it. Long story short, I suck at this and I am an idiot for crushing on her for so long but I kept being persistant because I thought I had my chances and my collegues encouraged me. I'm about to just spill the beans and tell her:"Samantha, will we ever see each other outside of work? I have a crush on you, will you give me a chance to get to know you better?" Should I do it?
> 
> INB4: "move on you idiot". I am very aware I should


I had a similar instance with a girl that had social anxiety though circumstances were different.

You should probably just be around her more and talk to her more to get her more comfortable with your company.The idea of a date and being one on one with you could be daunting to her,but she also doesn't want to reject you or let you move on from her.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> Maybe a better approach would be to ask to do something _immediately_ instead of setting up plans for something in the future. "Hey, I feel like doing x, I'm headed out right now - wanna join me?" Don't let the question linger, don't let anticipation build, all the things that could lead a person to overthink and panic. It'll either work or it won't. If if it doesn't, then just move on. Use that confidence you built to ask someone who respects your time a bit more.


Some growth. I like it.


----------



## broj15

I feel like TedEH and Obsidian Soul both have the right idea. Just speaking from my own experience but I feel like calling anything a "date" adds a certain level of pressure and implies some wierd sense of formality. If she does have a thing for you then the idea of a date probably could induce alot of anxiety for her (fear of fucking it up, saying something dumb, or you just deciding that you don't like her). The fear of "failure" or rejection can hold alot of people back from doing alot of things. 

I'd say if you can find a way to casually spend some more time with her at work, even if it just regularly passing through her department and saying hello, taking a break at the same time and initiating a casual conversation, etc. then that might get her more comfortable and less anxious about spending time with you in a social setting outside of work. 
And as TedEH already said, when ya do invite her to do something try and make it relatively spontaneous. It could be grabbing some to go food and eating in a park after work, going for a hike/run if that's your/her thing, or if you have a social circle outside of work then invite her to a group hang. 


Now, I have some just general questions about dating in a global pandemic: how the fuck does that work now? Like really, bars are open but not the way they usually are (last call is at 11pm in my city, 50% capacity, no walking around unless it's to order a drink, smoke on the patio, or go to the bathroom, etc.) And shows are cancelled until the end of time along with any other function that would allow an opportunity to meet someone.
And what about Tinder/other dating apps/the good ol fashioned slide into the dm's? What are you supposed to ask someone to do? "Hey let's order food from a restaurant that seems clean and eat it in a car somewhere and talk about how fucked everything is?". When you meet someone for the first time do you wear a mask? If so then when do you take it off? Dating/meeting ppl was already complicated and now idk what to do. I mean, I'm more or less content with being single, but it would still be nice to meet someone to share some experiences with.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

Only remove the mask if one of you hyperventilates and passes out.


----------



## TedEH

broj15 said:


> dating in a global pandemic: how the fuck does that work now?


I just use it as an excuse to say it doesn't work, and leave it at that. If you're someone like me who really values having time to yourself, then this really isn't too bad.


----------



## MrBouleDeBowling

Thanks for the imput guys!


----------



## TedEH

I dunno if this is the right thread - or if it should go in the why-u-mad thread - but I posted about the same situation here before, and more venting has become necessary so....

On the last episode of "Ted lets other people's drama interfere with his life":
I mentioned a few pages back that I somehow got roped back into an ex's world again because she broke her leg (and separated a shoulder) and had no other support system. During the recovery process, especially right at the beginning of it, there was a legitimate need - certain things that just can't be done when recovering from 7 fractures and a knee having been rebuilt - so I was helping. I did a lot of driving, I helped stock up on groceries, I made sure she made it to appointments on time, I sometimes took care of the dog, etc. It was more than I "had" to do, but the goal was taking stress off the situation.

And now today's episode:

So picture this: Ex's roommate (who I've also described before) was being "paid" (by paid, I mean with weed), to take the dog out, since it's currently impossible for ex to walk a dog. Even months into recovery, it's not an option. This is a large dog that doesn't get along with other dogs outside, even ignoring the stairs to get into the apartment. So roommates job is to make sure the dog gets out. It's literally his job because he's otherwise unemployed (and I learned recently has never actually held a job).

In the last couple of weeks, I've gotten panicked messages saying that roommate was upset because he was asked to join people going camping at the last minute which meant that I would have to go over and take care of the dog. I hadn't had a weekend to myself, so I complained about this, which turned into an argument over there, and ultimately he was forced to cancel so that the dog wouldn't be trapped inside with someone who physically can't take them outside to do their business. Then shortly after, the same thing happened during the week, and this time I'm the one who lost - because he sprung on us (after the argument started) that the last minute social calls are because his brother's fiance was leaving him for a bunch more drama reasons that continue to have nothing to do with me.

So now I'm giving up my days off to myself because my ex's roommates brothers fiance who's leaving him because of something to do with a car accident and an arranged marriage or something (???) leaving us with nobody left available to let the dog out of the house except for the person with an exploded knee and only one working shoulder who also has so much family drama that there's nobody willing to help.

Then fast forward to yesterday. Part of what's important about the latest incident is that I made a point of telling them that I can't keep leaving work on a whim to take care of things because I'm starting a new project at work. It's practically like starting a new job. It's important for me for a number of reasons, and I can't just bail on a whim in the middle of the day. So yesterday - day two of the new job - I get a panicked message in the middle of the day saying roommate wants to leave today and come back in a day or two, and she told him no - because I can't be asked with zero notice to leave my new job to go take care of the dog for him so he can go camping with his brother. Me and her are on the same page on this one - I _cannot_ fuck up this job so some unemployed dude can go camping. So he had a fit. She asked him for some notice before leaving (since if he leaves, she's helpless) and he responds with the very juvenile "is there going to be any amount of time that isn't short notice? I mean, I told you a week ago that I might want to go camping at some point".

The argument ends with him saying "fine, I'm not even going to ask, I'm just going to go", and her saying "I'm done arguing - I'll deal with whatever happens". It's worth noting that at this point, she's away from home, at the hospital, which she got to on a bus on crutches because I was literally on day 2 of a new job I can't leave - while having this conversation with roommate. She had no idea if he'd be home when she got there, but he was. But he was on the phone in his room speaking loudly and complaining about having been asked to take care of the job and "this isn't fair, I didn't know I'd have to keep doing it" etc etc. At this point, we still don't know if the dog has been out today at all, or whether or not he's _going_ to do it today, so I end up leaving at the end of my work day to drive over there and take the dog out myself, 'cause while I hate the drama, it's not fair for the dog to keep suffering over this. That poor dog keeps getting left for up to 12 hours not being able to go outside - basically he waits until she's asking desperately and THEN takes her out. Only the bare minimum.

This morning I have no idea if the dog got out. I was told not to worry about it, but the car is in the garage this morning so I can't do anything about it. I'm pretty sure she's going to try to take the dog out herself, at a huge risk of worsening her injuries.

It's tempting to just take the dog, let it live with me for a few months until they can get their shit together. It shouldn't be any of my problem at all.

Anyway. I have things I have to do, so rant over for now.


----------



## Demiurge

Your ex could always hire a dog-walker. Is she collecting some manner of disability insurance for her injury? If so, has checked to see if the insurance will pay for one? It's kind of understood that some injuries leave people laid-up and unable to perform their normal activities, and at-home assistance can be part of the claim.


----------



## TedEH

It was looked into, but the amount of assistance that would be needed (assuming me and roommate weren't helping) wouldn't be financially viable. Or maybe it would be - but I'm not the one who looked into it. I avoided poking that angle too much so that I wouldn't be both overstepping, and getting more involved than I want to ('cause _that's worked so far_). Realistically, things would be fine if roommate was being helpful. In theory, he _was_ the hired dog-walker. Money is tight over there at the moment, both because the accident causes a lot of time to be taken off (any appointment I can't drive her to means the whole day on a buss which means a whole day of lost income), and because roommate basically is unable to fend for himself and relies on her as support - he's also a financial drain. He doesn't work, he doesn't do groceries, he drinks cases upon cases of beer, and he's agoraphobic among other issues. I know it's rude / not popular to call someone a burden, but it's the uncomfortable truth of the matter. He's effectively a 16 year old in a 30 year old body.

A year ago, when we had been actually dating, I could have just handled it because it would make sense for me to be there, or for her and the dog to crash here when needed, and it wouldn't have been a big deal. If roommate was capable of functioning like an adult, carried his own weight, and wouldn't abandon his injured friend on a whim, then things wouldn't be a big deal. But neither of those are the case.

Instead it'll be random hours of the night, me driving out there to keep the dog from suffering or making a mess, angrily wondering why the fiance of the brother of the roommate of an ex should have ANY bearing on my life.

Honestly, that poor dog is the real victim in all this. She's this gigantic, friendly, well behaved, quiet ol' lady of a dog - the kind of animal that makes people say things like "dogs make better friends than people". She's already had to stretch to the point of making messes several times in the last few months - and I'm reasonably certain she got some kind of infection or something at one point from it - cause she got sick for a few days after one of these episodes. But nope. Roommate doesn't seem to care. It's "unfair" for him to have to _be responsible for anything_.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

"Agoraphobic" yeah, sure. That's a farce, he isn't agoraphobic. Just lazy.


----------



## TedEH

Nah, I believe him when he says it. It's not a good excuse, but I don't think he's lying. Of course, he can be that _and_ lazy at the same time.

But I mean, if you've never had a full time job before, of course you're not going to have any sense of responsibility.

Don't get me wrong, dude's gone through some shiiiiit in the last year or so too. He technically "died" and was resuscitated about a year ago. Everyone over there has family issues and health issues and mental health issues etc etc etc. It's been a rough year.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> Nah, I believe him when he says it. It's not a good excuse, but I don't think he's lying. Of course, he can be that _and_ lazy at the same time.
> 
> But I mean, if you've never had a full time job before, of course you're not going to have any sense of responsibility.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, dude's gone through some shiiiiit in the last year or so too. He technically "died" and was resuscitated about a year ago. Everyone over there has family issues and health issues and mental health issues etc etc etc. It's been a rough year.


I dunno. If you can go camping, then you're likely not agoraphobic. Sounds like something he's convinced himself and others of so as not to have much in terms of responsibilities.

Anyways, all of that sounds toxic as hell, and after the dog issue is sorted when she recovers, I'd ghost. I'd normally let someone know why I was no longer wanting to be their friend and/or interact with them, as I feel they have the right to know, but in this scenario, I'd say ghost them. The reason is because guilt tripping and possibly gaslighting could result, and I think it'd be better for you (your career, your sanity, your time) if you just stopped engaging.


----------



## TedEH

That's basically the goal. We had gone about 7 months of pretty much not speaking at all, and the accident threw us back into it, just out of nowhere. I'm helping for as long as it takes for them to get most of their independence back, then I'm going right back to minding my own business.


----------



## cwhitey2

@TedEH I gotta give credit for being a great person, because I would have lasted about a week in your shoes and ghosted her ass. 

I usually have enough stuff already scheduled in my week that there is no room for what you are doing.


----------



## c7spheres

@TedEH You're much more tolerant than I would be. If she's your ex and he's some dude then just be done with them. Throw the dog in her house, tell him to fuck off and leave. You don't have to say anything at all and it's not your problem. If you do say anything it should just be something to the effect of "not my probem." This goes for both of them. You've done more than enough.
- I know you probably still have some freindship with these people but there's a point where you gotta put your foot down and stop being taken advantage of. You're being taken advantage of. Refuse to let the behavior continue.

- I know that's a bit drastic and not gonna happen with people you care for (for whatever reason, sincerely) but keep in mind, and tell them both;
"If I'm gonna help or provide anything then EVERYTHING WILL BE on MY terms. End of story." Say it just like that, imo. Make an "alpha" move if you have to. As cheesy as it may sound.


----------



## TedEH

Realistically, you're mostly right, but the only one stepping over the bounds of what I'm willing to do to help right now is roommate guy. Ex is enough of a friend still that I don't mind helping out - roommate is definitely taking advantage. Ex is also arguably taking advantage at times, but she responds well when I express that a line has been crossed, and it generally doesn't happen again.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> Realistically, you're mostly right, but the only one stepping over the bounds of what I'm willing to do to help right now is roommate guy. Ex is enough of a friend still that I don't mind helping out - roommate is definitely taking advantage. Ex is also arguably taking advantage at times, but she responds well when I express that a line has been crossed, and it generally doesn't happen again.


 Sounds like roomate guy is really the issue. If he's not responding to "stimuli" or "programming" then maybe (since he's got tenant rights I assume) you gotta make a more assertive action and you and your ex need to TELL him how it's gonna be. Meaning ultimatums and legalese, documentation etc, like he's just another adult citizen to be dealt with in a legal professional manner, and if/when he oversteps bounds do your thing.


----------



## TedEH

c7spheres said:


> Sounds like roomate guy is really the issue


Absolutely



c7spheres said:


> since he's got tenant rights I assume


I don't believe he does. He's not on the lease. He doesn't officially pay rent. I've tried to convince her she needs to boot him out, but it's easier said than done. It basically would be putting him on the street, since I have doubts his family would take him in (which is what arguably _should_ happen).


----------



## Nicki

TedEH said:


> Absolutely
> 
> 
> I don't believe he does. He's not on the lease. He doesn't officially pay rent. I've tried to convince her she needs to boot him out, but it's easier said than done. It basically would be putting him on the street, since I have doubts his family would take him in (which is what arguably _should_ happen).


Canadian rental act or whatever...

Basically, you're right, if he's not on the lease, he has no tenant rights in terms of anything to do with the apartment, the lease, or the rental company. However, if there is a verbal agreement between the lease holder and a third party that the third party may live with the lease holder AND the address is considered the third party's primary address (on a driver's license or any other government issued ID), then I believe he does have tenant rights under the federal landlord and tenant act where the lease holder is considered to be "subletting" a part or all of the leased unit to the third party and is therefor considered his "landlord". With the current COVID pandemic, no landlord may evict a tenant.

So she has to get him to either verbally agree or agree in writing that he leaves voluntarily.

As for the dog, it might be worth reaching out to some facebook groups or friends if you know anyone who fosters animals and explain the situation to see if they'll take a temporary foster animal.


----------



## TedEH

It would be a bit early to look into the legality of it, since I don't think I could convince her to try to get him to leave anyway. That falls on the other side of the "things I'm going to make my business" line, outside of throwing the odd recommendation that way.

For the dog.... It's again a matter of convincing, not that there are no options. I'm willing to watch the dog here, even off-and-on, I have the space, and honestly it's a great dog - but you'd have to twist some arms (some already injured arms, at that), to convince her to let the dog go for that long.

Realistically, there's aren't difficult problems, just.... difficult people? It's drama. And the sooner it's either over, or not my business anymore, the better.


----------



## soliloquy

@TedEH this is not my place to say, so take this with a grain of salt. but realistically speaking, you are the guardian of the dog. you are the caretaker. her owner doesn't care. its evident that she is using the dog for one reason or another. 

the dog should be yours. you take the dog, and the ex can handle her shit on her own, or hire someone to do groceries for her, but the dog should be taken out of that situation if she is being neglected and abused in the process. the dog does not deserve this one bit! 



(granted, i dont have a dog, thus my opinions on this vary drastically, but i dont want an animal being abused because of peoples negligence)


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## TedEH

It's unfortunately a bit messy and hard to get across, but there's not really negligence or neglect on the part of ex, who owns the dog. She's trying, but it just physically unable. For the last few days she's been basically just sucking it up and taking the dog out on her own anyway, since I can't always be there to do it. It's good but also bad at the same time. Good because the dog is back on a regular schedule, but also really bad because she's taking a huge risk every time. If another dog runs by and the dog runs to the end of the leash, she's physically incapable of restraining the dog. If the dog pulls her off her feet, she can completely destroy the work done on her knee, displace the hardware in there, and never be able to walk properly again.

I offered to take the dog here, but it's hard to convince someone to be separated from their dog.


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## MaxOfMetal

Hey @TedEH have you spoken to any rescues or scout groups? In the US some offer temporary free, or just about free, dog walking services for those injured or too old. I'm not sure how covid would impact that, but personally I've done it multiple times for rescues that I foster with.


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## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> It's unfortunately a bit messy and hard to get across, but there's not really negligence or neglect on the part of ex, who owns the dog. She's trying, but it just physically unable. For the last few days she's been basically just sucking it up and taking the dog out on her own anyway, since I can't always be there to do it. It's good but also bad at the same time. Good because the dog is back on a regular schedule, but also really bad because she's taking a huge risk every time. If another dog runs by and the dog runs to the end of the leash, she's physically incapable of restraining the dog. If the dog pulls her off her feet, she can completely destroy the work done on her knee, displace the hardware in there, and never be able to walk properly again.
> 
> I offered to take the dog here, but it's hard to convince someone to be separated from their dog.


Well, she can either go a few months with visitation on occasion, or she can possibly end up in a wheelchair.


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## TedEH

I hadn't thought of that angle, but it's not a bad idea.

In following with the theme, I can think of all kinds of push back I'd get for suggesting it, but it might be something I can work with. Or something I can just.... look into without asking first and present it once it's been figured out or something.

People are messy. And stubborn. And exhausting. I appreciate the irony of wanting time to myself back in a time where most people are upset about being stuck inside on their own. 



Spaced Out Ace said:


> or she can possibly end up in a wheelchair.


She just got OUT of the wheelchair. :S


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## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> I hadn't thought of that angle, but it's not a bad idea.
> 
> In following with the theme, I can think of all kinds of push back I'd get for suggesting it, but it might be something I can work with. Or something I can just.... look into without asking first and present it once it's been figured out or something.
> 
> People are messy. And stubborn. And exhausting. I appreciate the irony of wanting time to myself back in a time where most people are upset about being stuck inside on their own.
> 
> 
> She just got OUT of the wheelchair. :S


I meant permanently.


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## TedEH

Yeah - I hear you. It's a real risk. The physio yesterday tore her a new one when they heard she was trying to walk a 70lbs dog on a rebuilt knee, with a bone disease, and having to crutch on a separated shoulder.


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## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> Yeah - I hear you. It's a real risk. The physio yesterday tore her a new one when they heard she was trying to walk a 70lbs dog on a rebuilt knee, with a bone disease, and having to crutch on a separated shoulder.


Good. Someone needs to.


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## TedEH

I kinda did the same just a minute ago. She texted saying roommate was leaving for a couple of days again and I got real blunt - "this isn't sustainable. It's not an if, it's a when something is going to go wrong. Something needs to be figured out."


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## soliloquy

@TedEH Though I understand and empathize with your predicament, as it is complicated, I do urge you to look into codependency coping methods. You may not be doing it on purpose, but it seems you are destroying/neglecting yourself at the expense of others. 

I only say that as a concerned person who also has extremely toxic codependency attributes, and has destroyed himself over and over again just to make others better. Please learn from my mistake, and make yourself a priority. you venting to us is great, and i appreciate all this, but you need to say all that is hurting you to those involved. open communication with them, and perhaps they will realize how big a burden they all are being on you.

again, i understand that that may not be their intention, and they are stuck in a certain situation due to health, or whatever. 

but their burden shouldn't fall on your shoulders.


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## soliloquy

in other news, just a recap from my previous entry regarding my personal life: my wife cheated. for 9 months, i was drowning in anger. met an old friend from highschool that i had a VERY strong feeling towards in highschool. hadn't talked in over 15 years, and all those emotions came running back. she helped me with my anger, and it allowed my wife and i to get closer and in a better place for a few months. During this time, my old highschool friend and i started getting a lot closer as well. we flirted, teased, and were in an emotional affair.

key word being 'were'. during this time, someone asked her out. she tried sabotaging it with him for my sake, but i advised her against it, as I am super complicated to be with right now. as such, she started getting closer to him.

during this time, i started triggering with EVERYTHING regarding my wife. The triggers had nothing to do with my old flame being with the other guy. Just, she was a great source of therapy for me to help me deal with my emotions. with her gone, my emotions are all over the place. I watch tv, trigger. I talk to my banker, asking about my spouse, trigger. the doctor asking if shes my wife, trigger. thinking about future, trigger. thinking about the past, trigger. reading about relationships, trigger. talking to friends about their relationships falling apart, trigger. thinking ahead at the age of 45, realizing i should have done something, and i'm screwed, trigger. thinking at the age of 90 thinking I should have done something, trigger. literally EVERYTHING is triggering me.

as such, i asked my wife for a divorce. though its a bit complicated as we have two houses, one that wont be ready till next year, thus we cant sell it just yet. so need to see a lawyer to figure out how that will work. with that, my wife, soon to be ex, has been giving me silent treatment. I can be civil about this and maintain friendship ( i do have a healthy relationship with my ex, and can be friends, if the other person is mature enough). yet if shes being like this, doubt we will have any interaction once everything is finalized. i get it. i'm fine with it. i'm just emotionally checked out, and need to just stand up for myself. the thing is that the affair isn't even why i want out. the affair was the last nail on the coffin. i was already miserable for several reasons, and i just didn't realize that i was sabotaging myself in the process. i was constantly putting her needs before mine, and slowly just decimating myself in the process; till her depression started seeping into me. as an empath, i absorb their emotions more than mine, thus its a shitting situation to be in. i cant do that to myself any longer. she knows shes depressed and isnt' doing much to combat it. i get, depression is a heavy burden to take on, and every effort is significant. as in, for me, climbing stairs is no big deal, but for a depressed person, its like climbing a mountain. i get it. i just cant be there any longer for her during this. 

within a span of about 3 weeks or so, i lost my old flame, someone that I have actively tried seeking remnants of in every person i've ever come across since her, and have constantly failed. i'm also losing my wife, and will lose my financial security, and a future i envisioned. 

the strange thing is, i feel calm. its not sorrow. its not anger. its not jealousy. its not remorse, or despondence, or joy or anything. just calm. i dont fully trust it.

for the time being, i am detoxing from my old flame. she has been kind of avoiding me since the other guy, and i get it. though i am hurt, i am genuinely happy for her, as she does deserve to be happy. 

and with covid giving me the chance to deal with my own emotions in a way i never have, and through the old flame, i now realize fully that i am a demisexual. i dont necessarily like titles, but this fits me so perfectly. i need emotional intelligence, emotional maturity, emotional availability, empathy, self awareness, consideration, emotional depth, and emotional intimacy first, before i become physical. though the old flame had most of those things, thus i was so heavily drawn to her, this also cripples me as well. in the hookup culture where everyone is so guarded constantly, and terrified of their own emotions, i'm not sure if i will truly find what i'm looking for. but in all honesty, i rather be alone than by with someone and feel lonely. i am perfectly fine being on my own.


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## TedEH

I get what you're saying, and I am doing that. But open communication doesn't change the facts of the situation. I can be the most open person in the world, it's not going to unbreak anyone's leg. And roommate doesn't have the emotional maturity to take in that information and magically start holding up his end of the deal.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not oblivious to the ways I'm being taken advantage of - but this is still my friend, and the need is legitimate. It's a rock and hard place situation. The core of the issue right now is that roommate isn't holding up his end of the deal and it means huge risks are being taken. If there was no risk of permanent life-altering injury, then yeah, sure, I'd just say "deal with your own shit" and leave it at that. But that's not the case.


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## soliloquy

TedEH said:


> I get what you're saying, and I am doing that. But open communication doesn't change the facts of the situation. I can be the most open person in the world, it's not going to unbreak anyone's leg. And roommate doesn't have the emotional maturity to take in that information and magically start holding up his end of the deal.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I'm not oblivious to the ways I'm being taken advantage of - but this is still my friend, and the need is legitimate. It's a rock and hard place situation. The core of the issue right now is that roommate isn't holding up his end of the deal and it means huge risks are being taken. If there was no risk of permanent life-altering injury, then yeah, sure, I'd just say "deal with your own shit" and leave it at that. But that's not the case.



i'm glad to hear that. so long as you are aware, and aren't purposefully destroying yourself in the process. good on you!


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## TedEH

soliloquy said:


> i now realize fully that i am a demisexual


You can stick a title on it all you want, but realistically, I just read this as starting to understand what a relationship is supposed to be or can be. It's not a different or special thing to need maturity or emotional intelligence in a partnership -> that's _how functioning long term monogamous relationships work_. If you don't have that, then you don't really have a functioning partnership.

I think it's progress to recognize what you want and need from other people. Don't kid yourself that it's something out of the ordinary though. Don't set yourself up for thinking that your wants or expectations are unreasonable or unusual.


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## soliloquy

TedEH said:


> You can stick a title on it all you want, but realistically, I just read this as starting to understand what a relationship is supposed to be or can be. It's not a different or special thing to need maturity or emotional intelligence in a partnership -> that's _how functioning long term monogamous relationships work_. If you don't have that, then you don't really have a functioning partnership.
> 
> I think it's progress to recognize what you want and need from other people. Don't kid yourself that it's something out of the ordinary though. Don't set yourself up for thinking that your wants or expectations are unreasonable or unusual.



though i do agree with that mindset, and its not something i'm doing to set myself up for failure. its just that though i've known that about myself, and though i've tried looking for that in others, i have yet to find that in people, with the exception of the oldflame from highschool.

be it with friends, or coworkers, or partners, or whatever, i have yet to find that dept of emotions that i want from others. I like to believe I have all that, and I say that because others have told me that several times...thus, if I have it, i'm sure others should too...yet time and again, i keep falling short. people keep disappointing me, or are so terrified of their own emotions that they keep destroying themselves. 

its not even the dating rituals or games that i'm talking about here. I understand the physical attraction, but in all honesty, you can be the hottest person on earth, down on your knees, begging me to join you...but without that emotional understanding, i wouldn't budge. just not my thing.


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## jco5055

reviving this with a question of "who was in the wrong":

My gf and I went shopping for some Xmas gifts for friends/family, and one of the specialty stores is very popular, so with COVID there is quite a line as they are doing limited capacity.

Now we decided to establish an accepted time to wait, 10-15 minutes, to see if we could get in, and if not we would leave and try to go to another store.

Around ~half way through this wait, she started to verbally express her annoyance with the wait, which is fine, it isn't fun I know etc, but she was of the "no this is stupid, you KNOW we won't get in in time, let's just leave right now and quit wasting time etc" thing, and I told her I'm gonna wait until our established wait time is done, then we can just leave. And as luck had it, we did get to go inside.

So after the shopping, she could tell I was a little quiet and such, and she asked me why, and I told her the truth of "I'm mildly upset at how you were extremely annoyed and wouldn't even give the waiting time a chance, were demanding we leave etc, can you at least apologize for being incorrect and try not to be this way in a similar situation next time". And now she is actually upset at me being annoyed at her actions and "I didn't make us actually leave the line."

What say you SS? Am I being extremely petty/overreacting, or do I have a valid point and it's a little alarming how negatively she takes any calling out of less than ideal behavior? I even explained it to her of how she often calls out valid things I do, like putting something that is dirty and needs washed on the kitchen counter (hence the counter then needing disinfecting), and she always asks if she's being annoying when she does that, and I tell her truthfully no, as you called out something I did that was the wrong thing to do so I'll try to not do it in the future, but she doesn't seem to agree it's a similar thing. 

I sometimes am concerned how things like this in our relationship erupt, like in a similar situation with one of my siblings or a friend, said sibling or friend would just apologize and then we'd instantly be back to normal, but with us it seems to just linger. When it's the reverse (i'm in the wrong) I've already forgotten about it but she is one of those people (which I partly blame her being an only child, part just biology/genetics) where things as minor as like what color rug to buy she would get actively pissed if we went with one that isn't her preference, while I'm more of the "well I can say which I like better but I won't give a damn if we choose another one"... and she won't believe a person can care so little about most things haha.


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## High Plains Drifter

jco5055 said:


> reviving this with a question of "who was in the wrong":
> 
> My gf and I went shopping for some Xmas gifts for friends/family, and one of the specialty stores is very popular, so with COVID there is quite a line as they are doing limited capacity.
> 
> Now we decided to establish an accepted time to wait, 10-15 minutes, to see if we could get in, and if not we would leave and try to go to another store.
> 
> Around ~half way through this wait, she started to verbally express her annoyance with the wait, which is fine, it isn't fun I know etc, but she was of the "no this is stupid, you KNOW we won't get in in time, let's just leave right now and quit wasting time etc" thing, and I told her I'm gonna wait until our established wait time is done, then we can just leave. And as luck had it, we did get to go inside.
> 
> So after the shopping, she could tell I was a little quiet and such, and she asked me why, and I told her the truth of "I'm mildly upset at how you were extremely annoyed and wouldn't even give the waiting time a chance, were demanding we leave etc, can you at least apologize for being incorrect and try not to be this way in a similar situation next time". And now she is actually upset at me being annoyed at her actions and "I didn't make us actually leave the line."
> 
> What say you SS? Am I being extremely petty/overreacting, or do I have a valid point and it's a little alarming how negatively she takes any calling out of less than ideal behavior? I even explained it to her of how she often calls out valid things I do, like putting something that is dirty and needs washed on the kitchen counter (hence the counter then needing disinfecting), and she always asks if she's being annoying when she does that, and I tell her truthfully no, as you called out something I did that was the wrong thing to do so I'll try to not do it in the future, but she doesn't seem to agree it's a similar thing.
> 
> I sometimes am concerned how things like this in our relationship erupt, like in a similar situation with one of my siblings or a friend, said sibling or friend would just apologize and then we'd instantly be back to normal, but with us it seems to just linger. When it's the reverse (i'm in the wrong) I've already forgotten about it but she is one of those people (which I partly blame her being an only child, part just biology/genetics) where things as minor as like what color rug to buy she would get actively pissed if we went with one that isn't her preference, while I'm more of the "well I can say which I like better but I won't give a damn if we choose another one"... and she won't believe a person can care so little about most things haha.



Neither one of you is "right or wrong" but the fact that you're providing here, other examples of similar instances as to what happened the other day, tells me that there is likely an underlying complexity of emotions and behaviors that needs to be addressed. You both need to communicate openly... with your offense and defense checked at he door. You need to not only speak openly but also genuinely listen to one another and if this relationship is going to continue healthily and productively, you'll need to continue listening to one another. That way when these kinds of situations happen, you both have the means to respect one another as you discuss it and move beyond it. It takes surprisingly little for resentment to take hold in most relationships so please make sure that you both communicate in a way that minimizes that risk.


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## Spaced Out Ace

I dunno, I've been with girls like that, and it ended up being very unpleasant.


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## jco5055

i think a big issue is that she has anxiety/emotional issues of the "actually go to therapy and am on medication kind", so I often have this internal battle of like "we have this disagreement/she's overreacting, but I can't tell her she's being unreasonable because she can't help it she actually has a medical issue".

Also, I will admit that it is probably not good that while I am in general much more chill than the average person, and she's not, so she half the time doesn't believe me when I do the dishes by myself because she's busy that I have no resentment etc even though that's the truth; I do have the background of having both parents having bad tempers/being very emotional, with my father especially being the "definitely should be on medication" type, that I naturally retreat inside myself and try just to avoid talking/risking causing a blowup when a person is in a bad mood, hence why we have some communication issues. So even when she will be like "why didn't you tell me you were upset, I won't get mad" I have almost 30 years with my family experience telling me it's going to be a lie.


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## TedEH

High Plains Drifter said:


> there is likely an underlying complexity of emotions and behaviors that needs to be addressed


I'm going to go completely the opposite direction with this one: It's actually a very simple, surface level situation, and both parties are in the wrong at the same time.

She's wrong to to preemptively try to leave the line when you had agreed to stay - but you're also wrong to expect that calling it out is going to be well received. Most people don't like being criticized (even if they claim to take criticism well), and being in a relationship means people are extremely vulnerable to criticism by their partners. I don't see that as a "complex deep issue with the relationship" rather than just same kind of petty squabbles that happen in _every _relationship.

I honestly see relationships being really similar to having roommates - and roommates are the worst. It's always a tradeoff. Sure, your rent is cheaper, but you're going to argue about inevitable lifestyle and scheduling differences, and who did the dishes last, and why didn't you tell me someone was coming over, and I told you I'd take the garbage out when I get home tomorrow, and I wish you wouldn't chew so loudly and how does any human being live in this way?! Dating is the same. Sure, you get companionship and intimacy, but you have to deal with petty arguments and vulnerability and there's a huge amount of compromise and concession involved.


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## jco5055

TedEH said:


> I'm going to go completely the opposite direction with this one: It's actually a very simple, surface level situation, and both parties are in the wrong at the same time.
> 
> She's wrong to to preemptively try to leave the line when you had agreed to stay - but you're also wrong to expect that calling it out is going to be well received. Most people don't like being criticized (even if they claim to take criticism well), and being in a relationship means people are extremely vulnerable to criticism by their partners. I don't see that as a "complex deep issue with the relationship" rather than just same kind of petty squabbles that happen in _every _relationship.
> 
> I honestly see relationships being really similar to having roommates - and roommates are the worst. It's always a tradeoff. Sure, your rent is cheaper, but you're going to argue about inevitable lifestyle and scheduling differences, and who did the dishes last, and why didn't you tell me someone was coming over, and I told you I'd take the garbage out when I get home tomorrow, and I wish you wouldn't chew so loudly and how does any human being live in this way?! Dating is the same. Sure, you get companionship and intimacy, but you have to deal with petty arguments and vulnerability and there's a huge amount of compromise and concession involved.



I don't expect it to be well-received, but I would hope that with her being not happy about it she could at least apologize and acknowledge it's something she should try not to do (and again this wasn't just a normal "I'm annoyed", this was the anxiety etc taking hold of her and she's like a completely different person, like how we used to get our dad to promise he wouldn't freak if he missed a turn while driving on a long trip but then if he did he completely blew up)..I don't expect her to instantly fix the issue as I know it's an actual mental health issue she has, I just want to see her try to improve.

Hell she went to an Iron Maiden concert with my brother and I, and I could tell she didn't enjoy it, and afterwards she said she didn't want to go to another metal concert with me and that was perfectly fine with me, I'd only have an issue with that if she was basically causing a scene by how much pouting/complaining she was doing. But also an issue is that with her anxiety is this need to be perfect, so if the roles were reversed concert wise she would legit be upset/mad at herself for "suggesting such a stupid idea" if I didn't love it, for her the perfect relationship is basically "we actively love doing everything together" and I've attempted many times to let her know it's perfectly fine if I want some alone time to engage in some hobby/watch some movie she wouldn't like, but she legit doesn't know what to do with herself if she is alone and just complains she's bored...I've had to modify my schedule for her as on the weekends I used to spend my mornings working on music stuff since I just wanted to get it over with so that I had an open schedule to be with her afterwards, since we don't have big plans in the morning anyways etc, but for her it felt like I didn't care about her if that's the first thing I did/she has internal battles of "i'm just in the way of his passions" because she's never dated or known anybody who actually had a real passion haha.

Idk, I have noticed/been aware of the roommates aspect of relationships, and that's fine, I sure as hell am not a guy who would break up with someone after just one fight etc, but I have noticed that ours are always more charged, like deciding who takes the dog out becomes this 5 minute long ordeal (again I think because she doesn't believe me when I say I don't care if I do it most of the time, as I think if the tables were turned she'd definitely be mad if it wasn't 50/50 split)..so I can't tell if it's because I love/care about her so I'm more invested, or don't like seeing her upset and such? Or is that the same attitude on how straight up toxic relationships with abuse and such stay together when from the outside it seems obvious they need to breakup?


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## TedEH

I don't know how old you guys are but this sounds like normal relationship stuff to me. Not _good _normal stuff per-se, but still normal. The impression I get is that you're dating someone with either a lot of anxiety (which you've already said) and maybe not a lot of emotional maturity.

I feel like if you're knowingly dating someone who struggles with anxiety, you would want to make _more_ concessions for little things like this, not less. Giving someone shit for how they acted in a situation will raise anxiety, not lower it, regardless of who you're talking about - and you've already admitted that this is a person who doesn't respond well to anxiety. You should be looking for a way to lower the level of anxiety in the situation, not digging for apologies. If you can get everyone calm and happy, you might get that apology you want afterwards. 

And that's my point: relationships are, at least in part, about concessions. Maybe you're right about the specifics of the argument, but that's not important. IMO: Let it go. If you've already made your point about being upset with how things went, then you've done all you need/should do. When you take a small issue and refuse to drop it, things get worse, not better.

I see you having two options:
a) You recognize that things will never be perfect, but you get a lot out of the relationship, so you make room for more concessions, since in the long run the positives outweigh the negatives.
b) The things that bother you are too meaningful to drop, and therefor there are more negatives than positives to the realationship, and you should give some reasonably serious thought as to whether or not you're ready to be in that relationship at the moment.

If you read option b and thought "that's ridiculous", then I honestly think your best bet is to step back, breath, forgive that people are imperfect, and just move on past the little arguments. They're going to happen. And they're going to seem bigger than they are coming from someone you're close to.


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## High Plains Drifter

TedEH said:


> I'm going to go completely the opposite direction with this one: It's actually a very simple, surface level situation, and both parties are in the wrong at the same time.



Obviously, arguments happen in every relationship and yep... sometimes one person is "wrong" and sometimes the other person is "wrong". And it kinda goes without saying that most people don't take criticism well. But I strongly disagree that this is an example of a simple disagreement. It seemed to me that there was more to the story and it seems now that there is, going by jco5055's follow up post. It's actually quite apparent. 

Obviously, some disagreements are quite simple in their origin and in their resolve. But just by him posting here, my gut feeling was that there is more to the story that might need to be addressed. Small things like this add up and they take their toll on a relationship when left unaddressed... especially when one part of the relationship seems to expend such a great deal of emotion in something that otherwise might be considered a simple disagreement. 

@TedEH...Your follow-up post shows that you recognize that there is some complexity with this, so... yeah, I definitely disagree that this is a simple issue.


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## TedEH

I'm not convinced so far that this isn't anything more complex than a squabble. Just because something bothers a person doesn't mean it's deep or complicated. It can be a very simple situation that happens to carry some weight for someone right now. Small things add up, definitely. But making mountains out of every molehill also adds up.

What complexity am I missing here?


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## High Plains Drifter

The issue that sparked the disagreement is simple but:

"So after the shopping, she could tell I was a little quiet and such, and she asked me why, and I told her the truth of "I'm mildly upset at how you were extremely annoyed and wouldn't even give the waiting time a chance, were demanding we leave etc, can you at least apologize for being incorrect and try not to be this way in a similar situation next time". And now she is actually upset at me being annoyed at her actions and "I didn't make us actually leave the line.""

This right here tells me that there is an underlying emotional complexity taking place in this relationship. If this had been a simple normal disagreement then there wouldn't have been this level of hurt feelings, assumptions, or defensiveness. No... It didn't seemingly escalate any more than this but again... this is an indicator of underlying issues. And again... from the poster's additional accounts, it appears that this wasn't just a simple disagreement. That's all that I'm suggesting and I stick by what I said... especially given the guy's additional comments about this relationship.


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## TedEH

High Plains Drifter said:


> If this had been a simple normal disagreement then there wouldn't have been this level of hurt feelings, assumptions, or defensiveness.


I don't know what kind of great relationships you've been in, but this sounds like a normal relationship squabble to me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I suppose we'll need to agree to disagree on that one.
You might be giving people too much credit as far as not getting butthurt and defensive over small things. Some people just have low emotional intelligence/maturity. Some people make mountains out of molehills when it comes from someone close to them. You can call that a deeper issue if you want, but some people also aren't going to respond well to every argument being deconstructed and micro-analyzed - and that would be my concern with immediately jumping into armchair-internet-psychiatry mode. Sometimes a deeper issue isn't a deeper issue until you insist it's a deeper issue, and the deeper issue becomes making all small issues a deep issue.


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## High Plains Drifter

Dude... I'm not going to argue with you. For me to feel the way that I do about the poster's situation doesn't translate to my current or past relationships being "great" or not. Sometimes it takes a little analyzing before answering someone's question and all I'm doing is suggesting that there may be something underlying ( which the dude pretty much verified). So what if my perspective is different from yours? 'Speculating' isn't 'insisting' so I don't really understand why you're micro-analyzing my response either. Not sure why you need to interject so much criticism towards me but my suggestions and opinions aimed at jco5055 certainly aren't intended to hurt his relationship regardless of whether this is an isolated incident or not. Maybe take a break from riding my ass about this. Cheers!


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## TedEH

¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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## jco5055

thanks for the responses guys! I think the main "issue" for me is because she does have actual diagnosed anxiety etc, I definitely try to be understanding and am a lot more tolerant of stuff than I would be if she didn't have anxiety and instead it was just laziness in terms of not getting "better" in tense situations etc, but it's also hard for me to tell (and why I post here) at what points does my response vary from "oh you are being an asshole, no relationship has no arguments etc" all the way to "it doesn't matter if she has a diagnosed issue, that doesn't give them a free pass to do/be whatever and I just have to completely accept this if I love her" and such. 

It's just hard/confusing for me because 1) I don't have anxiety to any level where medical intervention is needed so I usually assume she can be rationally talked to when she has a moment, and 2)we are different people to the extent that I can either come off as an asshole or she thinks she is being one when there is no clarification since 99% of any situation (like taking the dog out) doesn't bother me at all if I do it more often than she does but she definitely would, so she thinks I'm bothered when I'm not, and I also in these situations think "a rational person wouldn't care so it didn't even register this could bother her" but it does so I look uncaring to her.


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## DrakkarTyrannis

Reading these posts makes me thankful that I enjoy being single, refuse to bother with relationships, and my dislike of people keeps me away from them. Thank you ss.org


----------



## groverj3

This past year has been quite the time.

My previous relationship ended after about three years, because I was in grad school in Arizona and she had moved to attend grad school herself in Oregon. We kept it up for about a year and a half after that. Eventually though, I couldn't see the situation improving and she was upset that I couldn't promise that I'd be able to move to Oregon at any particular time.

About 6 months later met a seemingly awesome woman, and we really got along well. Over all of it though, was the fact that I was finishing grad school and probably moving away in less than a year. She had a lot of anxiety issues though, too. When the pandemic hit her anxiety ramped up big time, being a teacher and having to work with kids through it all, and Arizona being a really shit place to be a teacher didn't help. She started going on about she wanted to be engaged to move to wherever I ended up and we'd only been together like 6 months when she started talking about this. I should've been more forceful in saying that's a bad idea at this time, but I mostly just deflected. She would always say things like how she "wanted to be with me forever" and then ask me if I agreed with that, too. Super uncomfortable. But I figured that was her anxiety talking, and mostly she was a really good partner.

Then, I got a job in Boston and finished my PhD. Again, she mentioned repeatedly wanting to get engaged and we'd be together for less than a year. I kind of hoped things would settle down after I got there and she realized that I wasn't going to leave her or anything.

She visited in October, and we argued a bunch about whether her timeline on engagement was reasonable and she kept dropping suggestions that she'd want it to happen over Thanksgiving when I was supposed to visit her family. In hindsight, there was no way to make that trip happen with COVID cases spiking around that time. When she left, after having these awkward conversations almost every night she was visiting me in Boston, I really had to think hard about this. After some soul searching, I couldn't drag it on anymore. She said the longest she'd wait to get engaged would be spring, which I still just couldn't do. I mean, we spent less than a year even living in the same timezone. How can it be reasonable to get engaged during a year in which we might only see each other twice. So, it blew up pretty badly at that point.

I originally wanted to find a compromise but all she would accept is me buying a plane ticket immediately to spend the next few months in Arizona with her and still wanting to get engaged in the Spring.

I feel like a real asshole for not voicing my misgivings earlier, but I was kind of hoping either I'd get on her level or she'd chill out over time. Neither of which happened.

Better luck next time I guess.


----------



## Mathemagician

groverj3 said:


> This past year has been quite the time.
> 
> My previous relationship ended after about three years, because I was in grad school in Arizona and she had moved to attend grad school herself in Oregon. We kept it up for about a year and a half after that. Eventually though, I couldn't see the situation improving and she was upset that I couldn't promise that I'd be able to move to Oregon at any particular time.
> 
> About 6 months later met a seemingly awesome woman, and we really got along well. Over all of it though, was the fact that I was finishing grad school and probably moving away in less than a year. She had a lot of anxiety issues though, too. When the pandemic hit her anxiety ramped up big time, being a teacher and having to work with kids through it all, and Arizona being a really shit place to be a teacher didn't help. She started going on about she wanted to be engaged to move to wherever I ended up and we'd only been together like 6 months when she started talking about this. I should've been more forceful in saying that's a bad idea at this time, but I mostly just deflected. She would always say things like how she "wanted to be with me forever" and then ask me if I agreed with that, too. Super uncomfortable. But I figured that was her anxiety talking, and mostly she was a really good partner.
> 
> Then, I got a job in Boston and finished my PhD. Again, she mentioned repeatedly wanting to get engaged and we'd be together for less than a year. I kind of hoped things would settle down after I got there and she realized that I wasn't going to leave her or anything.
> 
> She visited in October, and we argued a bunch about whether her timeline on engagement was reasonable and she kept dropping suggestions that she'd want it to happen over Thanksgiving when I was supposed to visit her family. In hindsight, there was no way to make that trip happen with COVID cases spiking around that time. When she left, after having these awkward conversations almost every night she was visiting me in Boston, I really had to think hard about this. After some soul searching, I couldn't drag it on anymore. She said the longest she'd wait to get engaged would be spring, which I still just couldn't do. I mean, we spent less than a year even living in the same timezone. How can it be reasonable to get engaged during a year in which we might only see each other twice. So, it blew up pretty badly at that point.
> 
> I originally wanted to find a compromise but all she would accept is me buying a plane ticket immediately to spend the next few months in Arizona with her and still wanting to get engaged in the Spring.
> 
> I feel like a real asshole for not voicing my misgivings earlier, but I was kind of hoping either I'd get on her level or she'd chill out over time. Neither of which happened.
> 
> Better luck next time I guess.



That’s really rough buddy. I’m glad in the end you trusted your gut and didn’t let it drag any further. It’ll be much better for you (and her) in the long run.


----------



## groverj3

Mathemagician said:


> That’s really rough buddy. I’m glad in the end you trusted your gut and didn’t let it drag any further. It’ll be much better for you (and her) in the long run.


Yeah, the logical part of me agrees. It just kind of blows to be in a new city, where I don't know anyone, and have an infinite amount of time to fixate on this.


----------



## narad

groverj3 said:


> This past year has been quite the time.
> 
> My previous relationship ended after about three years, because I was in grad school in Arizona and she had moved to attend grad school herself in Oregon. We kept it up for about a year and a half after that. Eventually though, I couldn't see the situation improving and she was upset that I couldn't promise that I'd be able to move to Oregon at any particular time.
> 
> About 6 months later met a seemingly awesome woman, and we really got along well. Over all of it though, was the fact that I was finishing grad school and probably moving away in less than a year. She had a lot of anxiety issues though, too. When the pandemic hit her anxiety ramped up big time, being a teacher and having to work with kids through it all, and Arizona being a really shit place to be a teacher didn't help. She started going on about she wanted to be engaged to move to wherever I ended up and we'd only been together like 6 months when she started talking about this. I should've been more forceful in saying that's a bad idea at this time, but I mostly just deflected. She would always say things like how she "wanted to be with me forever" and then ask me if I agreed with that, too. Super uncomfortable. But I figured that was her anxiety talking, and mostly she was a really good partner.
> 
> Then, I got a job in Boston and finished my PhD. Again, she mentioned repeatedly wanting to get engaged and we'd be together for less than a year. I kind of hoped things would settle down after I got there and she realized that I wasn't going to leave her or anything.
> 
> She visited in October, and we argued a bunch about whether her timeline on engagement was reasonable and she kept dropping suggestions that she'd want it to happen over Thanksgiving when I was supposed to visit her family. In hindsight, there was no way to make that trip happen with COVID cases spiking around that time. When she left, after having these awkward conversations almost every night she was visiting me in Boston, I really had to think hard about this. After some soul searching, I couldn't drag it on anymore. She said the longest she'd wait to get engaged would be spring, which I still just couldn't do. I mean, we spent less than a year even living in the same timezone. How can it be reasonable to get engaged during a year in which we might only see each other twice. So, it blew up pretty badly at that point.
> 
> I originally wanted to find a compromise but all she would accept is me buying a plane ticket immediately to spend the next few months in Arizona with her and still wanting to get engaged in the Spring.
> 
> I feel like a real asshole for not voicing my misgivings earlier, but I was kind of hoping either I'd get on her level or she'd chill out over time. Neither of which happened.
> 
> Better luck next time I guess.



Sucks to that, man. I feel like these sorts of stories are super common among people doing a lot of grad school, meeting similarly-minded people, and therefore always planning to move somewhere else, often on different timetables. A lot of distance, a lot of rushed commitments.


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## TheBolivianSniper

Yeah I'm sorry to hear it's not working out, I went through something similar where our futures just weren't going the same way. Thankfully my ex had the sense to tell me not to warp my life around her and she made the stupid decision to leave school where she was excelling (straight As with barely trying and loving her major) to try and enlist like her family wanted her to and finding out she can't join due to allergies. Maybe I planned our lives together out too much, maybe it was a maturity thing but I thought 3 years was enough time to start thinking about the rest. 

It was for sure the right call though, too many people rush into things and give into pressure and in matters of emotional damage it's best to push everything besides the cold hard facts to the side and be objective. Saves a lot of pain and regret. Too many divorces any more and that's a damn shame.


----------



## Demiurge

groverj3 said:


> This past year has been quite the time.
> 
> My previous relationship ended after about three years, because I was in grad school in Arizona and she had moved to attend grad school herself in Oregon. We kept it up for about a year and a half after that. Eventually though, I couldn't see the situation improving and she was upset that I couldn't promise that I'd be able to move to Oregon at any particular time.
> 
> About 6 months later met a seemingly awesome woman, and we really got along well. Over all of it though, was the fact that I was finishing grad school and probably moving away in less than a year. She had a lot of anxiety issues though, too. When the pandemic hit her anxiety ramped up big time, being a teacher and having to work with kids through it all, and Arizona being a really shit place to be a teacher didn't help. She started going on about she wanted to be engaged to move to wherever I ended up and we'd only been together like 6 months when she started talking about this. I should've been more forceful in saying that's a bad idea at this time, but I mostly just deflected. She would always say things like how she "wanted to be with me forever" and then ask me if I agreed with that, too. Super uncomfortable. But I figured that was her anxiety talking, and mostly she was a really good partner.
> 
> Then, I got a job in Boston and finished my PhD. Again, she mentioned repeatedly wanting to get engaged and we'd be together for less than a year. I kind of hoped things would settle down after I got there and she realized that I wasn't going to leave her or anything.
> 
> She visited in October, and we argued a bunch about whether her timeline on engagement was reasonable and she kept dropping suggestions that she'd want it to happen over Thanksgiving when I was supposed to visit her family. In hindsight, there was no way to make that trip happen with COVID cases spiking around that time. When she left, after having these awkward conversations almost every night she was visiting me in Boston, I really had to think hard about this. After some soul searching, I couldn't drag it on anymore. She said the longest she'd wait to get engaged would be spring, which I still just couldn't do. I mean, we spent less than a year even living in the same timezone. How can it be reasonable to get engaged during a year in which we might only see each other twice. So, it blew up pretty badly at that point.
> 
> I originally wanted to find a compromise but all she would accept is me buying a plane ticket immediately to spend the next few months in Arizona with her and still wanting to get engaged in the Spring.
> 
> I feel like a real asshole for not voicing my misgivings earlier, but I was kind of hoping either I'd get on her level or she'd chill out over time. Neither of which happened.
> 
> Better luck next time I guess.



One can only imagine what that level of impatience looks like after the commitment is secured and the pleasantries of courtship end. I mean, it's great to know what you want from a relationship, but foisting that expectation onto someone else is deeply unfair.


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## groverj3

Demiurge said:


> One can only imagine what that level of impatience looks like after the commitment is secured and the pleasantries of courtship end. I mean, it's great to know what you want from a relationship, but foisting that expectation onto someone else is deeply unfair.


For sure. In the course of these arguments I made the point that it's not like I was getting cold feet on making that kind of commitment after multiple years of being together when she put it on the table that it was a goal of hers at the beginning. We'd been together less than a year. Not thinking that engagement is the right step in that situation isn't a sign of being immature and not wanting to commit. Quite the opposite.

Her previous relationship ended badly after she moved to Tucson from Portland with her ex, so I'm sure there's an element of wanting to "lock it down" and avoid that from happening again. Although, people get divorced all the time and it's not like this would've been any guarantee that we'd be "together forever." In fact, pushing for that too early makes it more likely something will go awry.


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## groverj3

I think you definitely learn something important from each relationship.

Things to be avoided:
1. People hung up on marriage being a goal so much that they talk about it inappropriately early (only a few dates in), or put it in their dating profile.
2. People who describe themselves as anxious.
3. People who buy into "love languages."

To explain:
1. Wanting marriage is fine, but leading with that or wanting to talk about it before you've realistically evaluated the person should be a red flag because it seems like what they really want is stability and marriage, rather than you. And they have unrealistic expectations of how you build a relationship.
2. It's okay to be anxious, but she described herself as such. Which means that it's an integral part of how you view yourself, rather than just a small part of the whole package that is your personality. Which also means that you're more likely to just expect others to deal with your anxiety rather than try to work on it. She went to therapy off and on while we were together, but I was always astounded how it seemed like she never really tried to work on this.
3. This "love languages" nonsense really needs to die. Se described herself as being a "words of affirmation" person. Which, if you're up on this nonsense, means that someone wants to hear you say nice things to them to reaffirm that you love them. There are other "love languages" (gifts, acts of service, etc.), too. I think this nonsense gives people an excuse to be insecure and needy. Instead of thinking "Is it reasonable for me to ask someone constantly to prove their affections?" they might think "I'm a words of affirmation person, so my partner needs to accept that I need constant communication and affirmation of their feelings." Instead, just accept that people show their affections in different ways, accept what they give you, and don't require them to do it a certain way. Obviously have standards, but codifying it into some grand concept like this is toxic I think.


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## Demiurge

Oh god- "love languages". It's not a terrible concept- people show affection in different ways and prefer to receive affection in different ways, too. I have a friend who talks about it a lot and has seemed to transform it into a formal list of demands from her husband. In my opinion, the entirety of history can attest that folks are pretty good about figuring out what they want; it's the identification & respect of other people's needs that's the tricky part.


----------



## LordCashew

Haha... I remember my parents reading the love language book and then my mom using the terminology to basically order my dad around. 

I do think there’s a lot of truth in the idea of love languages. My wife and I had a conversation about them once and it was good for us to learn about how each of us feels valued. But once we knew that was the end of that discussion. Fixation on something like this is a red flag IMHO. As with just about anything written about relationships, mature and effective people will use the principles to enrich and strengthen their relationships to mutual benefit, while insecure or self-absorbed people will attempt to use it to control others. Guess who’s going to spend more time talking about it?


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## TheBolivianSniper

I've been attempting the social media pickup game since my ex is getting a ridiculous body count after me and I will not be outdone but literally no one will respond to my shit, like I was having a good conversation with someone and I gave her a compliment and she just saved the message and then didn't respond. 


Aight???? I literally have no idea how to do any of this bc I've never been single. Like my whole life up to this point that has mattered I've been in a relationship. Damb


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## groverj3

TheBolivianSniper said:


> I've been attempting the social media pickup game since my ex is getting a ridiculous body count after me and I will not be outdone but literally no one will respond to my shit, like I was having a good conversation with someone and I gave her a compliment and she just saved the message and then didn't respond.
> 
> 
> Aight???? I literally have no idea how to do any of this bc I've never been single. Like my whole life up to this point that has mattered I've been in a relationship. Damb


You're never, ever, going to compete with a woman when it comes to getting dates/hookups from dating apps. It's just never going to happen like that. There are just a lot of horny dudes out there, and women (rightly so) have to be more selective because of the number of horny dudes out there. There are just a lot of creepers.

In between relationships, I've done okay on "the apps." However, it's slow going to get matches. That being said, lower number, higher quality is better than the reverse. And typically, they have been good people.

Best not to have expectations for anything and roll with it. Treat every match as an opportunity for interesting conversation and nothing more, unless something develops from that. At least that's my thirtysomething wisdom for you.

Which of the apps are you using? The experience differs significantly by location and which one you're on.


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## DrakkarTyrannis

I miss the good old days where you would threaten a woman at gunpoint to get into your van. After a few weeks of being held in the basement against her will she agreed to marry you. That's how it worked in those days. That's how I got your grandmother and we've been together for 50 years. Women are a lot more faithful when you threaten to kill them and dispose of the body if they tried to leave you.


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## TedEH

TheBolivianSniper said:


> social media pickup game


This is a thing?


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## TheBolivianSniper

TedEH said:


> This is a thing?


Kinda, I know my fair share of people who do it and succeed


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## TheBolivianSniper

Double post but I wanna take this section to say I aspire to the level of off the wall that man above me shows


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## TheBolivianSniper

groverj3 said:


> You're never, ever, going to compete with a woman when it comes to getting dates/hookups from dating apps. It's just never going to happen like that. There are just a lot of horny dudes out there, and women (rightly so) have to be more selective because of the number of horny dudes out there. There are just a lot of creepers.
> 
> In between relationships, I've done okay on "the apps." However, it's slow going to get matches. That being said, lower number, higher quality is better than the reverse. And typically, they have been good people.
> 
> Best not to have expectations for anything and roll with it. Treat every match as an opportunity for interesting conversation and nothing more, unless something develops from that. At least that's my thirtysomething wisdom for you.
> 
> Which of the apps are you using? The experience differs significantly by location and which one you're on.



Yeah I've been trying to, thanks for the advice for sure. I have one person I'm talking to but we have to work together on a giant project back at college and she also doesn't like to text so while I'm home it's up in the air. She's really great and whenever we get to be together in person it's always a good time but with how classes are and extended breaks/year gap (she's a year behind me and probably won't stay in the city for the summer) it makes it even more awkward.


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## DrakkarTyrannis

I'mma just drop this bit of advice.

Don't be that guy who uses social media to try to get women. It comes off as creepy. They will share your conversations with their friends and they will laugh at you. I've been in those laughing circles looking at inbox messages from guys several times.

Just don't.


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## TheBolivianSniper

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> I'mma just drop this bit of advice.
> 
> Don't be that guy who uses social media to try to get women. It comes off as creepy. They will share your conversations with their friends and they will laugh at you. I've been in those laughing circles looking at inbox messages from guys several times.
> 
> Just don't.



I will say I've never tried any of the weird shit or stupid lines, just basic conversation things and if someone doesn't want to talk or even get back to me more power to them. I found out the hard way people aren't another magical species because you find them attractive and before I actually took a good look at myself and relaxed I was totally that guy that got talked about. It's still a huge fear of mine and I might be too passive because of it. 

That is great advice though and really I haven't done much with it besides get some good advice on photography (which is great, I need pictures done). Thanks a bunch guys, I seriously appreciate it all.


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## DrakkarTyrannis

If it happens naturally then sure. You CAN meet people on social media..but some people confuse Facebook with Fuckbook. That's not what it's for. If you try to look for dates on social media it's not likely to do well and you can guarantee that somewhere a girl is sharing your messages and unwanted pics with her friends and they are laughing. Don't be that dude.


----------



## MFB

I mean, Facebook does now having a dedicated dating portion if I remember correctly? I think they added it either early this year or some time last year.

Also, as gross as a dude is for messaging random chicks on FB, it's not like it paints her in a great light that her immediate reaction is to go to her friends with a screenshot of what may be an innocent "hi there" from a friend of a friend and be like "ohmygod look at thirsty fuckboi!"


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## cwhitey2

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> If it happens naturally then sure. You CAN meet people on social media..but some people confuse Facebook with Fuckbook. That's not what it's for. If you try to look for dates on social media it's not likely to do well and you can guarantee that somewhere a girl is sharing your messages and unwanted pics with her friends and they are laughing. Don't be that dude.


 Yeah i have a friend that shares all of her "private" messages. People are fucking whacked.


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## DrakkarTyrannis

MFB said:


> I mean, Facebook does now having a dedicated dating portion if I remember correctly? I think they added it either early this year or some time last year.
> 
> Also, as gross as a dude is for messaging random chicks on FB, it's not like it paints her in a great light that her immediate reaction is to go to her friends with a screenshot of what may be an innocent "hi there" from a friend of a friend and be like "ohmygod look at thirsty fuckboi!"


Nah. It's usually not just a message..but some dude being a fuckhead. If he didn't inbox her something worth laughing at, she wouldn't have anything to post. That's all his fault.

Besides if you wanna to spark up a convo with a "friend of a friend" do it on main. Casual comments and whatnot then let it go from there. To just show up in a girl's inbox when she doesn't know who you are is a red flag for most women.


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## MFB

I had that realization right after I hit the post, it was like "wait, anyone smart enough to not get himself screenshot properly isn't the demo here," but like I said - post was hit and I committed to the comment


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## DrakkarTyrannis

MFB said:


> I had that realization right after I hit the post, it was like "wait, anyone smart enough to not get himself screenshot properly isn't the demo here," but like I said - post was hit and I committed to the comment


Well ya know. As long as you didn't make the first message. "I'ms lookin at dem tiddies" with a pic of your dick or something I'm sure it's fine.....unless you did..and then in that case, welp. At least you tried I guess?


----------



## TedEH

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> Don't be that guy who uses social media to try to get women. It comes off as creepy. They will share your conversations with their friends and they will laugh at you.


I'll +1 that. I've got some friends who post like to post the weird messages they get from dudes. I'm not a fan of it, but they do post it, and I do laugh at some of them.



TheBolivianSniper said:


> I've never tried any of the weird shit


Unless you're on the dating part of facebook, reaching out to complete strangers is already on that line of weird for some people though. If I get messages or invites from random people I've never heard of, that's an instant delete. It's very.... red flag... ish? 



MFB said:


> an innocent "hi there" from a friend of a friend


^ This though.... not so bad, and I've done that - if I already knew the person. At that point you're just reaching out to someone who already has some context for a conversation. "Hey, we've talked at a mutual friends place a few times" is a huge jump from "I picked your face out of a random list of people on the internet who were otherwise minding their own business".


----------



## TheBolivianSniper

TedEH said:


> Unless you're on the dating part of facebook, reaching out to complete strangers is already on that line of weird for some people though. If I get messages or invites from random people I've never heard of, that's an instant delete. It's very.... red flag... ish?



For clarification, I'm not trying to harass random people, I ended up with a ton of connections in high school/college so I've talked to a ton of people. There's only one good place to get with strangers and that's big social events (that aren't happening rn) when they're probably expecting it. Mostly just trying to catch up with people that I didn't give enough of a chance in high school/freshman year/quarantine since I was busy. 

Hopefully this wraps up all the discussion about it.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

TheBolivianSniper said:


> For clarification, I'm not trying to harass random people, I ended up with a ton of connections in high school/college so I've talked to a ton of people. There's only one good place to get with strangers and that's big social events (that aren't happening rn) when they're probably expecting it. Mostly just trying to catch up with people that I didn't give enough of a chance in high school/freshman year/quarantine since I was busy.
> 
> Hopefully this wraps up all the discussion about it.


 
I'm speaking in generals. Using social media to connect with people, and scouring FB for anyone who will fuck you are two different things.

I just happen to know lots of guys don't think popping up in a random stranger's inbox for a date is an odd thing..so I'm just trying to keep them from doing such a thing.


----------



## cwhitey2

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> I'm speaking in generals. Using social media to connect with people, and scouring FB for anyone who will fuck you are two different things.
> 
> I just happen to know lots of guys don't think popping up in a random stranger's inbox for a date is an odd thing..so I'm just trying to keep them from doing such a thing.


Funny thing is, i have had girls randomly message me for dates  i feel like they actually try to start a convo though before they get weird hahaha


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

cwhitey2 said:


> Funny thing is, i have had girls randomly message me for dates  i feel like they actually try to start a convo though before they get weird hahaha


If a girl does it that's one thing. Dudes give off creep vibes for doing it. It's best to chat on main before going to inbox.


----------



## broj15

Yeah I feel like the classic "slide into the DM's" with no prior relationship with the person (no matter how trivial whether it's a few mutuals on the friends list or some interactions in the comments section) has almost a guaranteed 0% success rate. At that point your basically treating social media like it's tinder, except the other person didn't pick you out of the multitudes of people, so with that in mind it's even worse. That being said, it really doesn't apply if you're "hot". I'm sure that conventionally attractive white dudes have atleast a bit more success essentially cold calling equally conventionally attractive "trad" girls on social media, so if you fit that description then congrats.

I've personally found that people who engage in that kind of behavior often don't have very meaningful and/or long term relationships though. And there's nothing wrong with that. If ppl wanna just hook up or do a FWB thing then good for them. But then again, if that's what you're after then at that point why not just use tinder?
In my experience I feel like the only relationships I've had that last for any measurable amount of time, or were even remotely healthy always started off organically with face to face interaction & some sort of mutual interest, and I'm sure that's true for the vast majority of people who prefer a long term committed relationship.


----------



## soliloquy

a few posts back, there was a discussion on love languages being silly.
though i kind of agree, i mostly disagree with that sentiment. I see it in two folds, that yes, we all accept love in a different way (which the book and concept talk about), but what they dont talk about is how we GIVE love in return. 

for example, if you're in a relationship where you have a higher libido than your partner, to you, you need physical affection, and you see that as a big thing in a relationship. Your partner, on the other hand, may just want comfortable silence to feel fulfilled. in return, you may GIVE love by doing nice things, or buying gifts, where as they may GIVE love by saying nice things, and truely appreciating it. 

if the reward given is not valued, then regardless of how good the intentions are, you wont be satisfied. 

give me a gold chain, and i'll be confused by it. Give me a guitar, and i'll be happy. Give me kitchen knife, and i'll accept it, but give me a genuine compliment on the food i make, and i'll be happy.


----------



## Thaeon

broj15 said:


> Yeah I feel like the classic "slide into the DM's" with no prior relationship with the person (no matter how trivial whether it's a few mutuals on the friends list or some interactions in the comments section) has almost a guaranteed 0% success rate. At that point your basically treating social media like it's tinder, except the other person didn't pick you out of the multitudes of people, so with that in mind it's even worse. That being said, it really doesn't apply if you're "hot". I'm sure that conventionally attractive white dudes have atleast a bit more success essentially cold calling equally conventionally attractive "trad" girls on social media, so if you fit that description then congrats.
> 
> I've personally found that people who engage in that kind of behavior often don't have very meaningful and/or long term relationships though. And there's nothing wrong with that. If ppl wanna just hook up or do a FWB thing then good for them. But then again, if that's what you're after then at that point why not just use tinder?
> In my experience I feel like the only relationships I've had that last for any measurable amount of time, or were even remotely healthy always started off organically with face to face interaction & some sort of mutual interest, and I'm sure that's true for the vast majority of people who prefer a long term committed relationship.



I don't randomly DM someone I follow unless its a response to something they've posted. And never with the intent of initiating a hookup (which seems inherently weird and creepy to me). With IG, or FB, I don't anticipate any interactions turning into romantic things or hookups. I guess I'm old school. I'd prefer to meet someone in person and feel it out that way. I also think that dating apps are intrinsically counter productive.


----------



## Thaeon

groverj3 said:


> I think you definitely learn something important from each relationship.
> 
> Things to be avoided:
> 1. People hung up on marriage being a goal so much that they talk about it inappropriately early (only a few dates in), or put it in their dating profile.
> 2. People who describe themselves as anxious.
> 3. People who buy into "love languages."
> 
> To explain:
> 1. Wanting marriage is fine, but leading with that or wanting to talk about it before you've realistically evaluated the person should be a red flag because it seems like what they really want is stability and marriage, rather than you. And they have unrealistic expectations of how you build a relationship.
> 2. It's okay to be anxious, but she described herself as such. Which means that it's an integral part of how you view yourself, rather than just a small part of the whole package that is your personality. Which also means that you're more likely to just expect others to deal with your anxiety rather than try to work on it. She went to therapy off and on while we were together, but I was always astounded how it seemed like she never really tried to work on this.
> 3. This "love languages" nonsense really needs to die. Se described herself as being a "words of affirmation" person. Which, if you're up on this nonsense, means that someone wants to hear you say nice things to them to reaffirm that you love them. There are other "love languages" (gifts, acts of service, etc.), too. I think this nonsense gives people an excuse to be insecure and needy. Instead of thinking "Is it reasonable for me to ask someone constantly to prove their affections?" they might think "I'm a words of affirmation person, so my partner needs to accept that I need constant communication and affirmation of their feelings." Instead, just accept that people show their affections in different ways, accept what they give you, and don't require them to do it a certain way. Obviously have standards, but codifying it into some grand concept like this is toxic I think.



I think that most people look at the love languages thing in the inverse. It should be less about how you receive love, and more about understanding how your partner gives it and learning to accept that. But of course, people will flip the script, because one way requires self work, and the other way requires someone else to change to suit them. Most people will almost always choose the selfish path.



DrakkarTyrannis said:


> If it happens naturally then sure. You CAN meet people on social media..but some people confuse Facebook with Fuckbook. That's not what it's for. If you try to look for dates on social media it's not likely to do well and you can guarantee that somewhere a girl is sharing your messages and unwanted pics with her friends and they are laughing. Don't be that dude.



You know, unless you're trying to be laughed at... I know a couple guys. One in particular just doesn't care. He friends every attractive girl he sees, and swipes right on every profile shown to him on Tinder. For him, its all about numbers and he just wants a hookup. Doesn't care who with.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

Thaeon said:


> You know, unless you're trying to be laughed at... I know a couple guys. One in particular just doesn't care. He friends every attractive girl he sees, and swipes right on every profile shown to him on Tinder. For him, its all about numbers and he just wants a hookup. Doesn't care who with.



I've always wanted to ask people like that wtf is wrong with them. Are they that lonely and desperate?


----------



## Thaeon

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> I've always wanted to ask people like that wtf is wrong with them. Are they that lonely and desperate?



Nah, it the quantity over quality thing. Even if it’s just a hookup situations I’ll take quality over quantity. Even if it means waiting a while. Some people want 20 cheap guitars others would rather have 2 really nice ones.


----------



## TedEH

Having a bit of a weird day. We all know I've been helping out my ex who injured herself a while back. We were having a random conversation and the topic somehow came up of those cases of "that guy she tells you not to worry about". I made the comment that I don't think I've ever dated anyone who didn't have at least one of these guys around whose intentions they stayed intentionally ignorant about. You know - the guy they tell you not to worry about it. 

At this point she gets defensive and makes a point of stopping me to say "you know, except for that one time you were wrong about my friend". As in, the dude we argued about a year ago. As in the dude that was a huge part of why I split us up. She proceeded to tell me a story about how as soon as I was out of the picture this same guy started making advances, which she rejected, multiple times, until he basically said "well, if that's not gonna happen, then I won't pretend to be your friend anymore" and then stopped speaking to her at all.

So wait.... I wasn't wrong then. That's EXACTLY what I said was going to happen. My point a long time ago was that their friendship/relationship and the effort put into keeping me as far away from him as possible was incredibly inappropriate. The went out and partied and did drugs and went on roadtrips and junk that I was explicitly not allowed to join, despite the effort I had taken to try to be friendly with the guy.

I dropped it when it was brought up last week, but this morning it somehow came up again and I kinda lost it. I re-iterated how blatant, ignorant, and hurtful her handling of the whole situation was last year, and that there was no ambiguity in that she has always been in the wrong about this. It was never strictly about whether or not I trusted her not to cheat, but that it _was_ strictly about her unwillingness to engage with my discomfort with their clearly inappropriate actions.

I fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinally got my point across this time. It only took more than a year. I got an apology out of it, which is nice. A year late maybe, but nice either way. Turned into a weird conversation. 

Uuuuuuuuuugh.


----------



## cwhitey2

@TedEH been there, done that. It sucks when you're finally right/know the truth.


Things in my love have actually been going my way for once  I haven't really posted in here because I didn't want to jinx myself 

I have been hanging out with a girl for a couple months and now shes my GF and everything has been going great. Obviously we are still in the honeymoon phase, but we get along great. Best part is we have know each other for around 2 years, but neither of us ever really gave each other "a shot", so it's not awkward. She's a nurse so her schedule is all over the place, which is kinda nice, because we don't get stuck in any kind of routine. 

Side note since it was mentioned about the whole messaging on FB thing...as soon as I'm in a relationship, 2 girls hit me up just for sex because they just broke up with their BF's and "want to have fun". Which normally I would be all about, but now I have someone   Like what are the odds hahaha


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

cwhitey2 said:


> @TedEH been there, done that. It sucks when you're finally right/know the truth.
> 
> 
> Things in my love have actually been going my way for once  I haven't really posted in here because I didn't want to jinx myself
> 
> I have been hanging out with a girl for a couple months and now shes my GF and everything has been going great. Obviously we are still in the honeymoon phase, but we get along great. Best part is we have know each other for around 2 years, but neither of us ever really gave each other "a shot", so it's not awkward. She's a nurse so her schedule is all over the place, which is kinda nice, because we don't get stuck in any kind of routine.
> 
> Side note since it was mentioned about the whole messaging on FB thing...as soon as I'm in a relationship, 2 girls hit me up just for sex because they just broke up with their BF's and "want to have fun". Which normally I would be all about, but now I have someone   Like what are the odds hahaha



Pssst. Guys..if a girl wants to fuck you because she just broke up with her boyfriend. It's usually smart to avoid. There are far too many chaotic chicks who pull guys into such nonsense and it ends up being far more than you bargained for.


----------



## cwhitey2

@DrakkarTyrannis oh i totally agree...but crazy chicks are also fun


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

cwhitey2 said:


> @DrakkarTyrannis oh i totally agree...but crazy chicks are also fun


Yeah...there's that part lol


----------



## cwhitey2

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> Yeah...there's that part lol


Only for a short while...I know 

I dated a girl a couple years ago who was a total nut job. We had fun together, but she had a lot of emotional baggage to say the least. I ended up leaving her because of her severe lack of empathy.


----------



## thebeesknees22

*PTSD sets in

/me has terrifying flashbacks


----------



## TedEH

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> Pssst. Guys..if a girl wants to fuck you because she just broke up with her boyfriend. It's usually smart to avoid.


+1000


----------



## groverj3

Just had a video date with someone who had the personality of a wet noodle. When I asked her if she'd picked up any quarantine hobbies she showed me some knitting she'd done. That seems like a reasonable hobby and I expressed interest. I said I play guitar and showed one of mine. She followed that up by stating "Yeah, but I don't know anything about guitars." I should've went with my gut and replied by informing her that I don't know shit about knitting either but we're trying to get to know each other right now.

Hard pass. Not just for that. I had to carry 90% of the conversation.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

groverj3 said:


> Just had a video date with someone who had the personality of a wet noodle. When I asked her if she'd picked up any quarantine hobbies she showed me some knitting she'd done. That seems like a reasonable hobby and I expressed interest. I said I play guitar and showed one of mine. She followed that up by stating "Yeah, but I don't know anything about guitars." I should've went with my gut and replied by informing her that I don't know shit about knitting either but we're trying to get to know each other right now.
> 
> Hard pass. Not just for that. I had to carry 90% of the conversation.



My answer would have been


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

groverj3 said:


> Just had a video date with someone who had the personality of a wet noodle. When I asked her if she'd picked up any quarantine hobbies she showed me some knitting she'd done. That seems like a reasonable hobby and I expressed interest. I said I play guitar and showed one of mine. She followed that up by stating "Yeah, but I don't know anything about guitars." I should've went with my gut and replied by informing her that I don't know shit about knitting either but we're trying to get to know each other right now.
> 
> Hard pass. Not just for that. I had to carry 90% of the conversation.


"Video date"?


----------



## groverj3

Spaced Out Ace said:


> "Video date"?


Welcome to the Coronapocalypse.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

groverj3 said:


> Welcome to the Coronapocalypse.


Christ.


----------



## TheBolivianSniper

Well as a sort of second story on that theme I've been talking to someone at home I used to know pretty well and we have a great vibe going, I told her I thought she was really attractive but we're too good of friends and she totally agreed. We hung out just recently and I forgot how aggressive she is, fabulous person and a fun time to hang with but just the intensity was so overwhelming. We had a bunch of conversations and she has major skeletons in the closet too that we talked out and it's better I didn't try and get more involved since it probably would've been way too much for how stressed and beat up I am from work at this point. Fantastic time but I could not be around her all day. It was a good call.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

Aggressive how?


----------



## TheBolivianSniper

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Aggressive how?



just so much energy, we were yelling half the time when stuff got heated and it was a ton of fun but she's really loud and in your face which is refreshing from a lot of people I know, not talking over me, but still it was a lot to handle, we talked over a lot of things in such a short period of time too and with how fried my brain gets after work and especially during the semester I don't think I'd be able to keep up with her 

plus when she gets worked up about something it's a little hard to get her calmed back down and that's nothing I want to deal with, it's only with casual stuff but I think it would be really hard to relax completely around her


----------



## TedEH

groverj3 said:


> I should've went with my gut and replied by informing her that I don't know shit about knitting either but we're trying to get to know each other right now.


You really should have gone with that. You'd certainly learn something - like whether or not she can handle playful criticism.


----------



## lurè

groverj3 said:


> I should've went with my gut and replied by informing her that I don't know shit about knitting either but we're trying to get to know each other right now.



That would have been the correct answer.

Now imagine she wanted to hear you playing something and at the end replied with: "man, your tone sucks".


----------



## LordCashew

lurè said:


> That would have been the correct answer.
> 
> Now imagine she wanted to hear you playing something and at the end replied with: "man, your tone sucks".


Or “Wait, no sweeps?”


----------



## cwhitey2

My GF knitted me a winter hat for Christmas. It's so nice I thought she lied to me and bought it  Apparently she's pretty legit, like sells her patterns on the internet good.


----------



## Thaeon

cwhitey2 said:


> @DrakkarTyrannis oh i totally agree...but crazy chicks are also fun



Be REAL careful with that. I married one of those girls and had a kid with her. I thought that because I knew her and we had been friends for nearly 20 years somehow I would not be subject to the same chaos. I was wrong.


----------



## MFB

Well that's a shame on you for not realizing the "fun" of them doesn't include MARRIAGE


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

Thaeon said:


> Be REAL careful with that. I married one of those girls and had a kid with her. I thought that because I knew her and we had been friends for nearly 20 years somehow I would not be subject to the same chaos. I was wrong.



Um....that's on you, baby. You saw all the signs that the lion pit was ahead and you climbed the fence and jumped in. Your mauling is your fault.


----------



## cwhitey2

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> Um....that's on you, baby. You saw all the signs that the lion pit was ahead and you climbed the fence and jumped in. Your mauling is your fault.


Shit


----------



## c7spheres

Parent trapping should be a crime. Schools should at least teach people what it is in sex education class. It's a real thing that's been attempted on me a few times. Wtf. That's some evil shit there.


----------



## Thaeon

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> Um....that's on you, baby. You saw all the signs that the lion pit was ahead and you climbed the fence and jumped in. Your mauling is your fault.



No disputes here. It was ABSOLUTELY my own ignorance that got me there. Just a cautioning for others.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

Thaeon said:


> No disputes here. It was ABSOLUTELY my own ignorance that got me there. Just a cautioning for others.


Thoughts and prayers. Lesson learned I guess, right?


----------



## Thaeon

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> Thoughts and prayers. Lesson learned I guess, right?



Its why I no longer date.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

Thaeon said:


> Its why I no longer date.


----------



## Thaeon

DrakkarTyrannis said:


>




I'm a nerdy musician. Accomplishing either of those is like winning the superbowl.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

Thaeon said:


> I'm a nerdy musician. Accomplishing either of those is like winning the superbowl.


Damn, pick a struggle. You can't have them all


----------



## Thaeon

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> Damn, pick a struggle. You can't have them all



I am a white male, living in America. My struggles are tiny comparatively. I exaggerate a bit. I'm 40, play in a band, and I'm relatively intelligent. I'm sure if I put some actual effort into meeting women I would be successful. Its just not a priority. I hate capitalism, and corporate ladder BS. So I'm sort of fucked there. Sort of what kind of discomfort do I want to subject myself to. At least I have an okay job I guess. My life could certainly be a hell of a lot worse.

TL;DR I have a shit load of things that are not struggles and I'm thankful for them.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

Thaeon said:


> I am a white male, living in America. My struggles are tiny comparatively. I exaggerate a bit. I'm 40, play in a band, and I'm relatively intelligent. I'm sure if I put some actual effort into meeting women I would be successful. Its just not a priority. I hate capitalism, and corporate ladder BS. So I'm sort of fucked there. Sort of what kind of discomfort do I want to subject myself to. At least I have an okay job I guess. My life could certainly be a hell of a lot worse.
> 
> TL;DR I have a shit load of things that are not struggles and I'm thankful for them.



To be honest I have NO interest in dating. I dislike dealing with people so much that I'm not even interested in guys for sexual purposes. I requested an antidepressant from my doctor that has a libido killing side effect. Best decision I ever made. To he'll with sex and romance. I'd rather make music and watch horror movies


----------



## Thaeon

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> To be honest I have NO interest in dating. I dislike dealing with people so much that I'm not even interested in guys for sexual purposes. I requested an antidepressant from my doctor that has a libido killing side effect. Best decision I ever made. To he'll with sex and romance. I'd rather make music and watch horror movies



For the most part, sex can be accomplished sans partner. I don't believe humans, at least at this point in human history, are very capable of long term intimate relationships with any sort of consistency. And I don't honestly like people in general enough to put that much effort into something that's got a cointoss of a chance of success. I think in a lot of cases, people who get into long term relationships are self deluding. I'm not against falling in love or having feelings for people if they happen. I'm against the idea of attaching any sort of ideas of permanence to them. All relationships end. You either break up or someone dies. The result is the same.


----------



## LordCashew

Thaeon said:


> People who get into long term relationships are self deluding. All relationships end. You either break up or someone dies. The result is the same.


Can I put this on my tombstone if you aren't reserving it for yours?


----------



## thebeesknees22

the key is to die first! Problem solved.


----------



## Thaeon

LordIronSpatula said:


> Can I put this on my tombstone if you aren't reserving it for yours?



As long as I’m credited.


----------



## DrakkarTyrannis

Thaeon said:


> For the most part, sex can be accomplished sans partner. I don't believe humans, at least at this point in human history, are very capable of long term intimate relationships with any sort of consistency. And I don't honestly like people in general enough to put that much effort into something that's got a cointoss of a chance of success. I think in a lot of cases, people who get into long term relationships are self deluding. I'm not against falling in love or having feelings for people if they happen. I'm against the idea of attaching any sort of ideas of permanence to them. All relationships end. You either break up or someone dies. The result is the same.



Truth. If somehow love comes along then sure. But I don't want it, I'm not looking for it, and I'm much happier single. The most miserable I've ever been in my life have been when I've been in relationships. I just don't find them rewarding. Every once in a blue moon I might go get laid but even that is more just like running and errand and not something to look forward to. To me it's like getting an oil change. It's just shit that has to be done every now and then.

The last relationship I was in, I was laying in bed with my then boyfriend and it hit me. I thought to myself "Ya know...I could do without this" and breaking up with him was the best decision ever. #ForeverAloneGang


----------



## Thaeon

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> Truth. If somehow love comes along then sure. But I don't want it, I'm not looking for it, and I'm much happier single. The most miserable I've ever been in my life have been when I've been in relationships. I just don't find them rewarding. Every once in a blue moon I might go get laid but even that is more just like running and errand and not something to look forward to. To me it's like getting an oil change. It's just shit that has to be done every now and then.
> 
> The last relationship I was in, I was laying in bed with my then boyfriend and it hit me. I thought to myself "Ya know...I could do without this" and breaking up with him was the best decision ever. #ForeverAloneGang



Same with my last girlfriend. “This is not worth all of the effort and the last two times I’ve been in a relationship I’ve been absolutely miserable.” I have two kids that are absolutely rad people. I get more out of that than a relationship. Friends are better. And my space is better. And not having to nurture someone else’s ego is better.


----------



## Obsidian Soul

I feel like I was born in the wrong era. I like to think I demonstrate an adequate balance of the attributes of good character,but people nowadays don't even try. It never feels like an IF someone will fall short anymore but WHEN. Most people aren't even worth being friends with;a relationship is WAY far-fetched.


----------



## soliloquy

wondering what your views are on being in a relationship for convenience, rather than something stronger, emotionally?

i dont mean to judge, but when i see my family and friends that are in a relationship, and/or when they tell me about their relationship concerns, more often than not, it appears that people are with their partners for convenience, rather than love. they stay with their partner because they have a house(s) together; they have a lot of assets together; they have kids together; they have a future planned for early retirement; they can travel as much as they want; their partner is a 'nice person' etc...

but hardly ever do i come across people who actively choose their partners on a daily bases. For them to find their partner desirable. For them to actively WANT their partner. 

millions of people do this all the time, and i'm not saying one is right over the other. But have you had (or are in a relationship) with someone that feeds your soul, and isn't someone you're just tolerating? Not someone who fills the void of loneliness, or companionship, or just have someone for the sake of having someone?


----------



## TedEH

Lots of people build functional healthy relationships on much less than that all the time, and I don't see a problem with it.

I mean, ask yourself what "love" and "relationship" mean - and remember that those don't mean the same thing to everyone else. It's just a way for you to form practical associative links with another person. If your view of a relationship is that the purpose or role of the other person is to be your partner, in general terms, throughout your life, then it makes the MOST sense to base that on practical traits like having similar goals, compatible lifestyles, already being in the same places and groups, raising kids, etc. Maybe you see that as convenience, but I see that as a perfectly reasonable way to form a relationship.

I mean, it's been my experience that trying to pair up with people on the basis of how hot you think they are doesn't lead to strong partnerships unless your only requirement for that partnership is physical intimacy. Any time I've tried to date someone who wouldn't have otherwise been a friend outside of a dating context has failed miserably. Why would I want to partner up for life with someone who _wasn't _"convenient"? I used to focus all my attention on potential partners who fit this sort of "ideal" that I know neither I nor she could ever possibly live up to, and it's always been the most spectacular failures. The best relationships I've been in? The ones where I went "you know, we're already here, we're already basically doing everything I think partners should do, why not take that a step farther."

In my eyes, all the talk about "love" and "souls" and "the one" is bunk. There's attraction and wants and needs, and limitless combinations of ways to form relationships with people. There are no soulmates or absolute "love" that transcends everything else.


----------



## Demiurge

soliloquy said:


> i dont mean to judge, but when i see my family and friends that are in a relationship, and/or when they tell me about their relationship concerns, more often than not, it appears that people are with their partners for convenience, rather than love. they stay with their partner because they have a house(s) together; they have a lot of assets together; they have kids together; they have a future planned for early retirement; they can travel as much as they want; their partner is a 'nice person' etc...
> 
> but hardly ever do i come across people who actively choose their partners on a daily bases. For them to find their partner desirable. For them to actively WANT their partner.



It's kind of like when people talk about pets, "Oh, your dog doesn't love you- they're attached to you because you do X, Y, and Z for them". But maybe that's what it is: reliance, loyalty, and affection for somebody who does something for you... even if that thing you get is feeling needed. Looking at things like that, maybe a more honest & durable relationship is built. Relationships where one person is expecting a perpetual montage of cute rom-com moments are destined to fail.


----------



## soliloquy

TedEH said:


> Lots of people build functional healthy relationships on much less than that all the time, and I don't see a problem with it.
> 
> I mean, ask yourself what "love" and "relationship" mean - and remember that those don't mean the same thing to everyone else. It's just a way for you to form practical associative links with another person. If your view of a relationship is that the purpose or role of the other person is to be your partner, in general terms, throughout your life, then it makes the MOST sense to base that on practical traits like having similar goals, compatible lifestyles, already being in the same places and groups, raising kids, etc. Maybe you see that as convenience, but I see that as a perfectly reasonable way to form a relationship.
> 
> I mean, it's been my experience that trying to pair up with people on the basis of how hot you think they are doesn't lead to strong partnerships unless your only requirement for that partnership is physical intimacy. Any time I've tried to date someone who wouldn't have otherwise been a friend outside of a dating context has failed miserably. Why would I want to partner up for life with someone who _wasn't _"convenient"? I used to focus all my attention on potential partners who fit this sort of "ideal" that I know neither I nor she could ever possibly live up to, and it's always been the most spectacular failures. The best relationships I've been in? The ones where I went "you know, we're already here, we're already basically doing everything I think partners should do, why not take that a step farther."
> 
> In my eyes, all the talk about "love" and "souls" and "the one" is bunk. There's attraction and wants and needs, and limitless combinations of ways to form relationships with people. There are no soulmates or absolute "love" that transcends everything else.



exactly, i dont believe in soul mates. I believe you make that relationship as strong as possible by working at it. 
Yet, if i'm looking at my relationship, there is no love. I want to be wanted. I want to be chosen. I want to be desired. All i get is the excuse of 'low libido' and 'depression', which, very well may be true. However, without any physical intimacy, all i have is a friend/room mate. Sure, financially life is well put together. by numbers, I am living among the top 5% of the Canadian population in terms of financial assets/expenses/debt etc. I am super privileged. I could grow old and retire early, and have that safety net. 

yet, there is no love. Sure, we can have deep conversations, and connect on several things and have common goals, our ambitions and all match, our intellect matches, everything is great....but again, no love. I dont feel seen/heard/understood by her, as its been a one-sided relationship from the get go. Together, on paper, we are great. but, no love. 

is it worth it to just keep on living like this?
be in an open relationship? that wont work as outside of the house, i may be happy, but coming home to the same mess, and its the same cycle all over again. 
what is the cost of love? at one point is it considered insane? are my expectations too high? or are they tarnished by disney? is this as good as it gets? 

if so, whats keeping one from just cheating. if there is no love, then who cares? 


i'm just conflicted on so many levels.


----------



## Demiurge

That's a really sad predicament. I'm truly sorry.

I don't know exactly how you've framed things when speaking with your partner, but I think that if you can find the will to consider ending it & moving on then you should have the will to lay everything out- what you want, how they make you feel, how you feel about them and (if you do) why you want your life together to be better. It's probably hard to not make it seem like you're putting them on trial, so make sure that you're willing to be accountable for yourself, too. 

I'm sure it's in every single advice column, but you could suggest couples counseling- if they refuse then you kind of know your answer as far as how much work they're willing to do.


----------



## soliloquy

Demiurge said:


> That's a really sad predicament. I'm truly sorry.
> 
> I don't know exactly how you've framed things when speaking with your partner, but I think that if you can find the will to consider ending it & moving on then you should have the will to lay everything out- what you want, how they make you feel, how you feel about them and (if you do) why you want your life together to be better. It's probably hard to not make it seem like you're putting them on trial, so make sure that you're willing to be accountable for yourself, too.
> 
> I'm sure it's in every single advice column, but you could suggest couples counseling- if they refuse then you kind of know your answer as far as how much work they're willing to do.



oh, they know how i feel.
they know what i want.
they couldnt' deny that i feel like i'm being tolerated by her, and not chosen. That she wants to love me because her family and friends love me; because on paper i have my shit together; because i'm kind and caring; because i put her on a pedestal. yet she cant make herself love me. Just a different form of chemistry. If its truly depression, then how long do i wait? i've already given then relationship 6 years. Do i give it another 6 and hope depression is taken away? 

i dont want to be loved out of obligation. 

but i fear that if i stay in this relationship, it will be a sexless relationship and a dead bedroom, full of resentment. 

perks: have a great future together in terms of finances, and houses, and health and blah blah blah
cons: no emotional connection.... 


*sigh


----------



## devastone

I'm going to second trying some couples counselling. Yeah, there are good counselors and bad ones, might take a few tries to find one that works for you guys, but, you're already in 6 years, it's worth a shot, if nothing changes, then yes, maybe it's time to move on. 

And from the drugs thread, if this is why you were thinking of taking psychedelics, then just say no, too much going on, it definitely won't go well.


----------



## nightflameauto

This thread is a downer.

Just as a counter-balance:
Been married to the same woman for twenty years, will be twenty one in May. And I can't imagine life without her. We've had ups and downs, but the downs are so short and inconsequential that I look at any one of them and laugh about how silly we were being. And the ups are REALLY up.

Now, I will say that part of it for us is that we're like best buds that just happen to also have a sexual compatibility and a desire for each other. We'll watch stupid ass movies together and laugh our asses off. We'll listen to albums together and sing every word together. The people that tell us how hard relationships are and how much work goes into them make us scratch our heads because it just fits with us and always has. The 'work' part of it must just come naturally to us.

I'm aware that we're both sort of loners, and we're both sort of givers. We both default to wanting to make sure the other is appreciated so that part isn't any sort of difficulty. 

I'm sure somebody seeing just this little summary of us without context will come up with some sort of psuedo-psycho analysis about codependence and how unhealthy it must be to truly enjoy your life with your partner since that's the usual reaction to saying anything positive about a relationship, but the people that know us have seen it first hand. Hell, we walked past a dude in Chicago when we were visiting that looked at us and just popped off, "Sometimes people just fit together. You can just tell." We've gotten comments like that several times over the years, so we must give off some sort of vibe.

I'm just saying, it's not impossible. I will say from watching the people around me, I sometimes think people settle just to be with _somebody_ and that's not the way to end up with long-term stability. I think DrakkarTyrranis's take is the correct one, and is where my wife and I were when we met. I was literally just done with relationships. I had decided my life would be better off if I just worried about me. I had been put through the ringer a few times and just wasn't interested in going down that path at all again.

Then I got a call from the cute little red-head at the office one Saturday. Went out with her Tuesday. Hung out again that Friday. That was around Thanksgiving. By Christmas I was basically living with her. By February we were engaged. Married in May. Almost twenty one years later and I can honestly say not only is it the best thing that ever happened to me, it's made me a better, more balanced, and MUCH more relaxed person. Now, some of that's age, but a bigger part of it happened in the first couple years we were together.

So when someone tells you not to give up hope? They're wrong. Give up hope. And I mean truly give up hope for that special someone. Let yourself truly believe there's nobody for you. And get relaxed in that belief. The pressure to be with someone is the worst thing you can put on yourself. It'll happen when you AREN'T looking. And that message seems to be repeated often enough with long-term successful folks that, while I won't call it a universal truth, I'd say it at least holds some sort of bearing on reality.

tl;dr: you do you. Being comfortable being yourself is essential to happiness whether you're with someone or not. Get there on your own and if the right someone comes along, it's a great bonus, rather than an essential must have.


----------



## TedEH

soliloquy said:


> However, without any physical intimacy, all i have is a friend/room mate.


I haven't read the rest of the posts in the thread yet, but I want to pause to comment on this. If you are "in a relationship" with someone who, in practical terms, is little more than just a roommate, you're not really in what a lot of people would call a relationship. If your needs are not being met, but you're being restricted from going out to meet them by someone who is basically just a roommate with a title, then that reads to me as emotional manipulation. If you don't BOTH agree to the terms of the relationship, then it's either not a relationship or not a fair one.

If I'm reading this correctly - you consider yourself to be in a relationship, but there's no intimacy or romance and anything? You're basically just roommates? By my reading, you don't owe anything to anyone. Go date other people. Don't let people treat you like a piece of the furniture.


----------



## soliloquy

devastone said:


> I'm going to second trying some couples counselling. Yeah, there are good counselors and bad ones, might take a few tries to find one that works for you guys, but, you're already in 6 years, it's worth a shot, if nothing changes, then yes, maybe it's time to move on.
> 
> And from the drugs thread, if this is why you were thinking of taking psychedelics, then just say no, too much going on, it definitely won't go well.



Gracias for the concern!
The psychedelics are something I've been interested in for last 20ish year or so. Just never found a decent sitter till recently. Have tried it a few times so far, and still learning the ropes of it.

My personal life, I have a different view on it, and it's not related to the drugs. Just a side thing that is happening.


----------



## soliloquy

TedEH said:


> I haven't read the rest of the posts in the thread yet, but I want to pause to comment on this. If you are "in a relationship" with someone who, in practical terms, is little more than just a roommate, you're not really in what a lot of people would call a relationship. If your needs are not being met, but you're being restricted from going out to meet them by someone who is basically just a roommate with a title, then that reads to me as emotional manipulation. If you don't BOTH agree to the terms of the relationship, then it's either not a relationship or not a fair one.
> 
> If I'm reading this correctly - you consider yourself to be in a relationship, but there's no intimacy or romance and anything? You're basically just roommates? By my reading, you don't owe anything to anyone. Go date other people. Don't let people treat you like a piece of the furniture.



Sadly I can't be a partner that I want to be if I'm still tied to someone. Though I think I may be poly, but most aren't comfortable with that, thus I'm not going to drag others into my baggage. 

Her needs are met by a hug every few months, if that. Our definition to intimacy is different. Where as I rather abstain than have mediocre sex. I rather abstain than have plenty of quickies that aren't satisfying me. I rather abstain than just take whatever is coming my way.


----------



## TedEH

nightflameauto said:


> for us is that we're like best buds that just happen to also have a sexual compatibility and a desire for each other





nightflameauto said:


> So when someone tells you not to give up hope? They're wrong. Give up hope. And I mean truly give up hope for that special someone. Let yourself truly believe there's nobody for you. And get relaxed in that belief. The pressure to be with someone is the worst thing you can put on yourself. It'll happen when you AREN'T looking.



I feel like nightflameauto has the right idea. The happiest I've been has always been either staying single, or in dating scenarios where I didn't feel like I "needed to be there". There's a certain pressure to pair up, but there's no _real_ need to do it. The don't like the phrasing of the whole "you need to love yourself first" thing, but I think the sentiment sort of points in the right direction. Even IN a relationship, you need to find contentment in yourself. Relationships don't fix people or complete people or solve people or validate people or any of that. It's just a thing that some people do and some people don't.


----------



## Dan_Vacant

I've been single for a good second, and I'm not sure if I miss being in a relationship or if I miss having someone to drag to movies and social events. Not that either of those are really happening lol.


----------



## groverj3

nightflameauto said:


> This thread is a downer.
> 
> Just as a counter-balance:
> Been married to the same woman for twenty years, will be twenty one in May. And I can't imagine life without her. We've had ups and downs, but the downs are so short and inconsequential that I look at any one of them and laugh about how silly we were being. And the ups are REALLY up.
> 
> Now, I will say that part of it for us is that we're like best buds that just happen to also have a sexual compatibility and a desire for each other. We'll watch stupid ass movies together and laugh our asses off. We'll listen to albums together and sing every word together. The people that tell us how hard relationships are and how much work goes into them make us scratch our heads because it just fits with us and always has. The 'work' part of it must just come naturally to us.
> 
> I'm aware that we're both sort of loners, and we're both sort of givers. We both default to wanting to make sure the other is appreciated so that part isn't any sort of difficulty.
> 
> I'm sure somebody seeing just this little summary of us without context will come up with some sort of psuedo-psycho analysis about codependence and how unhealthy it must be to truly enjoy your life with your partner since that's the usual reaction to saying anything positive about a relationship, but the people that know us have seen it first hand. Hell, we walked past a dude in Chicago when we were visiting that looked at us and just popped off, "Sometimes people just fit together. You can just tell." We've gotten comments like that several times over the years, so we must give off some sort of vibe.
> 
> I'm just saying, it's not impossible. I will say from watching the people around me, I sometimes think people settle just to be with _somebody_ and that's not the way to end up with long-term stability. I think DrakkarTyrranis's take is the correct one, and is where my wife and I were when we met. I was literally just done with relationships. I had decided my life would be better off if I just worried about me. I had been put through the ringer a few times and just wasn't interested in going down that path at all again.
> 
> Then I got a call from the cute little red-head at the office one Saturday. Went out with her Tuesday. Hung out again that Friday. That was around Thanksgiving. By Christmas I was basically living with her. By February we were engaged. Married in May. Almost twenty one years later and I can honestly say not only is it the best thing that ever happened to me, it's made me a better, more balanced, and MUCH more relaxed person. Now, some of that's age, but a bigger part of it happened in the first couple years we were together.
> 
> So when someone tells you not to give up hope? They're wrong. Give up hope. And I mean truly give up hope for that special someone. Let yourself truly believe there's nobody for you. And get relaxed in that belief. The pressure to be with someone is the worst thing you can put on yourself. It'll happen when you AREN'T looking. And that message seems to be repeated often enough with long-term successful folks that, while I won't call it a universal truth, I'd say it at least holds some sort of bearing on reality.
> 
> tl;dr: you do you. Being comfortable being yourself is essential to happiness whether you're with someone or not. Get there on your own and if the right someone comes along, it's a great bonus, rather than an essential must have.


This is the most inspiring shit.

Thanks.


----------



## groverj3

After my relationship blew up back in October (see 2-3 pages ago), my previous ex from before that started reaching out to me more often. We dated for almost three years while I was early in grad school and it didn't work out because she moved to Oregon from Arizona, we had no idea if we'd ever be in the same place, etc. etc.

I was feeling like real shit back in November, and I actually flew to visit her. We'd kept in contact as friends. Probably not the most prudent thing to do amidst the pandemic. But I consider her a good friend, and we hadn't caught up in 2 years. Plus, being totally isolated here was just killing my mental health.

Had a great time reminiscing, and it turned out she was trying to leave a really controlling, and frankly pretty disgusting, boyfriend who was bad news. We had a great time catching up, and I think we both needed it. We never really intended for our last visit in 2019 to be the last time we saw each other. On top of it all, she managed to leave said shitty boyfriend, move out of her place where she lived with him, and seems to be really doing a lot better.

We talked about what it would mean to get back together on this visit. But the thing is, we live even further apart than before. However, I now have disposable income I never had before, and a job that could be remote from anywhere. Plus, I was still reeling from my last relationship (honestly, still am), and she had all kinds of drama going on. It seemed like it wasn't the right time, while she figured her life out and I tried to recover from my own situation. It was really great though.

Thinking about it now, she's one of the best people I know, and we always enjoyed each others' company. Since we've stayed friends, things didn't feel awkward and I could see how it could maybe work again. However, I'm also reminded that she hasn't been taking care of herself the past few years. In terms of her weight and overall health, and her garbage boyfriend didn't help. I don't want to sound shallow, but I guess that's what I'm saying I am. Even when we were together we didn't really have a great sex life for the last year. On top of the distance, she was having issues related to her weight. This led to the end of our relationship being more like "two friends hanging out" than a romantic relationship.

She said something though that's stuck with me. When we were together there was always friction about her wanting me to move with her to Oregon, and I was always noncommittal about it, because I frankly didn't know if it was possible. When we broke up, I always thought we were both ready for it to end, because of the distance of intimacy issues, and I pulled the trigger. It turns out that she says that the night she called me so upset and we ended up breaking up, she wanted to reconcile and was looking to be comforted. Instead, I told her that "I think we've reached an impasse" (my exact words), and we broke up. I realize now I've been lying to myself about it being mutual to avoid feeling like the bad guy. That doesn't mean it wasn't justified, but man... I feel like shit for lying to everyone and myself for like 2 years.

What we did decide during that visit is that we should either decide to give it another go or find a way to decouple in a more permanent way. Otherwise it will hold us back from another fulfilling relationship, if that's what the right course of action is. I guess there's no need to rush into anything, and the pandemic gives me ample time to think things through. I do have a lot to think about though.


----------



## groverj3

I tend to write novels, haha. Honestly though, it's kind of therapeutic to write down some of this. Otherwise, I'm just over here stewing with it.


----------



## jco5055

groverj3 said:


> I tend to write novels, haha. Honestly though, it's kind of therapeutic to write down some of this. Otherwise, I'm just over here stewing with it.



it's all good, I'm a novel writer myself if you've seen my posts haha


----------



## jco5055

TedEH said:


> I feel like nightflameauto has the right idea. The happiest I've been has always been either staying single, or in dating scenarios where I didn't feel like I "needed to be there". There's a certain pressure to pair up, but there's no _real_ need to do it. * The don't like the phrasing of the whole "you need to love yourself first" thing, but I think the sentiment sort of points in the right direction. Even IN a relationship, you need to find contentment in yourself*. Relationships don't fix people or complete people or solve people or validate people or any of that. It's just a thing that some people do and some people don't.



Bolded for emphasis. As I've mentioned before, I love my gf, but we've had our ups and downs, and if we don't survive as a couple I think it partly stems from her definitely not being ok being alone. She's an only child, so I think it's manifested into some kind of insecurities of being alone etc, or maybe the issue is she has hobbies/passions but nothing to the level of myself (and I assume most of us here) have with music. But as a result we have disagreements on things like:

-my new job has me starting work early enough where I need to get up an hour earlier than previously (and we got up at the same time previously), so now instead of either 1) getting up with me earlier and going to bed with me also earlier or 2) her reading or watching TV for an hour before jumping into bed with me, her solution is to 3) get in bed with me at the same time, but read for 30-60 minutes even though I don't interact with her (as I'm trying to sleep) so all she's really doing is making it harder for me to fall asleep (with the light still on and such) but since "we're together" during that she'll be upset if this week- long experiment ends with me determining she needs to read outside the bedroom.
-likewise, if on the weekend she either gets up before me or I get up before her she get's annoyed that either 1) I don't get up with her or 2) I got up instead of just laying in bed next to sleeping her. When I've been like "you can watch/read/do something if you wake up before me" she doesn't like the sound of that because then we won't be doing it together.

Or even as a broad example, if she's gone on a trip with her friends (as traveling is the closest she has to a passion, though obviously it's not an everyday occurrence like playing guitar is for me) she will text me pretty much non-stop and she'll miss me sooo much. Don't get me wrong, I obviously miss her too but when I have to live functionally single for those couple of days I am perfectly content doing music related stuff, or playing video games, or (pre-pandemic) meeting up with my brothers or friends and seeing a movie etc. But I get the feeling that as a single person pre-me she was definitely unhappy/felt that she needed someone be complete while I've had the mindset of "if I was single forever because I didn't find the right person I'd be ok with that, though not my preferred outcome" and without actually looking it up I assume my mindset is the "correct" one to have in a healthy relationship.


----------



## soliloquy

jco5055 said:


> Bolded for emphasis. As I've mentioned before, I love my gf, but we've had our ups and downs, and if we don't survive as a couple I think it partly stems from her definitely not being ok being alone. She's an only child, so I think it's manifested into some kind of insecurities of being alone etc, or maybe the issue is she has hobbies/passions but nothing to the level of myself (and I assume most of us here) have with music. But as a result we have disagreements on things like:
> 
> -my new job has me starting work early enough where I need to get up an hour earlier than previously (and we got up at the same time previously), so now instead of either 1) getting up with me earlier and going to bed with me also earlier or 2) her reading or watching TV for an hour before jumping into bed with me, her solution is to 3) get in bed with me at the same time, but read for 30-60 minutes even though I don't interact with her (as I'm trying to sleep) so all she's really doing is making it harder for me to fall asleep (with the light still on and such) but since "we're together" during that she'll be upset if this week- long experiment ends with me determining she needs to read outside the bedroom.
> -likewise, if on the weekend she either gets up before me or I get up before her she get's annoyed that either 1) I don't get up with her or 2) I got up instead of just laying in bed next to sleeping her. When I've been like "you can watch/read/do something if you wake up before me" she doesn't like the sound of that because then we won't be doing it together.
> 
> Or even as a broad example, if she's gone on a trip with her friends (as traveling is the closest she has to a passion, though obviously it's not an everyday occurrence like playing guitar is for me) she will text me pretty much non-stop and she'll miss me sooo much. Don't get me wrong, I obviously miss her too but when I have to live functionally single for those couple of days I am perfectly content doing music related stuff, or playing video games, or (pre-pandemic) meeting up with my brothers or friends and seeing a movie etc. But I get the feeling that as a single person pre-me she was definitely unhappy/felt that she needed someone be complete while I've had the mindset of "if I was single forever because I didn't find the right person I'd be ok with that, though not my preferred outcome" and without actually looking it up I assume my mindset is the "correct" one to have in a healthy relationship.



There is no real 'right' or 'wrong' per se. 
what works for you, may not work for her, and vice versa. 
Though I am much like you, in that i'm perfectly fine without others, from their perspective, i can understand that they would feel inadequate. I mean, I was raised to be independent, and have been fending for myself since I was 12. As such, whatever tasks that is give to me, i can do it on my own without others interfering with me, or me needing their help. 
For those who weren't raised to be the lone-wolf, they would struggle with that mentality as they maybe used to group efforts, or a clear 'leader' leading, or a clear 'follower' following. 

different dynamics kick in differently.

now, with being the lone-wolf, I've seen it backfiring on the wolf several times, as their independence CAN (not always) lead to the other person feeling like they aren't wanted/needed, and by default, returning the sentiment to you. 'Why are we in this relationship? you can do everything better than me, and you dont need me. whatever i do, it feels like a duty/chore and i rather not do that' where as you can return and say 'i do everything, and you arent' doing your part. why do i need you? take away the sex, and what are you offering me in this relationship?' 

but if it works for you, then more power to you and your relationship.


----------



## TedEH

jco5055 said:


> we won't be doing it together.


I feel like that's a big growing point for a lot of people/relationships. I'm someone who really likes all that together-y time, but I also get stupidly exhausted if I don't get a significant amount of time to myself, even if it's just to do something trivial like play video games. The freedom to do and enjoy things solo is important to me, and to a lot of people. Part of it is finding that balance, another part is being comfortable with the idea that your partner is still a separate person and will continue to be your partner even if they aren't actively engaging in something _with_ you at every second.



soliloquy said:


> Why are we in this relationship?


Taking some of the context out of the equation - I think this is a proper thing to be asking. I've ended some relationships on the basis of asking that question and either not having an answer or not liking the answer. Nothing wrong with that IMO.


----------



## soliloquy

I was watching this podcast of someone who has been divorced twice, and been through a few relationships, to now be fully content. He has called out his partners several times regarding the double standard that exists for men vs women. A man 'has' to be the bread winner, and bend over backwards for EVERYTHING, where as the 'women' are expected to just look pretty and the responsibility isn't on them.

He has called out a few of his partners in the past, and whenever they say that 'you can do A-Z, and in return, you get sex' he would retaliate saying 'no, sex is a mutual thing. emotional intimacy, and physical intimacy is mutual. you put the work, i put the work. as such, take that away. What is it that you're offering me? companionship? I can do without it. take your time, i'll give you a week, a month, etc and take your sweet ass time.' and he's never gotten the response that is adequate. 

people pick random folks to be in a relationship with because they cant fathom the idea of not having someone in their life. I rather not have 'anybody' in my life, but a specific 'someone' that truly wants to be in a relationship with me, and not just 'anyone'.


----------



## jco5055

if anything, my gf is the opposite she naturally wants to be a part of everything and will feel guilty if I'm left alone making dinner even though I actually probably like doing it alone more (just because I know I won't mess up and it will be quicker/easier the same way it is if I beat a videogame by myself, or build a lego set by myself etc) and have told her I don't care at all about doing it alone.


----------



## jco5055

Ok coming back with a seemingly easy question: how do you help someone who's having a panic attack in a quasi-emergency situation? By emergency, I mean in this instance we were trying to get our cat drinking fountain (it's automated/has a filtering system) to work, and it started overflowing the water and my gf was completely freaking out. I made the mistake of telling her to relax and that just escalated things.

Now I understand in general telling someone to calm down/relax is known to not work, but with my googling to confirm that all the suggestions as alternatives is when it's not an "emergency", like "sit down, listen, ask questions" etc, but not when we are in the midst of a household accident. I only asked her to relax because she was basically just taking up space as I tried to grab the fountain to slowly carry it to the bathroom as it was filled to the brim and she was there just freaking/whining about it happening and it's gross etc.


----------



## TedEH

I am 0% an expert in this, but my gut reaction is that step #1 is not to treat the situation as an emergency. So a cat drinking fountain leaks or makes a mess or something. It's not the end of the world. That's not an emergency. IMO the best thing you can do is _also be calm_. If you panic, if you get mad, if you make it a BIG DEAL to solve the EMERGENCY, you're going to amplify whatever people are feeling in that situation.

Don't _tell_ people calmness is the right response to the situation, _demonstrate it_.


----------



## nightflameauto

I find in those situations that questions tend to penetrate the panic better than demands. Don't tell her to relax or calm down or any other similar wording. Ask if she's alright or ask if she needs a moment to catch her breath. Not sure what you're relationship is like, but in ours I'll sometimes just grab her into a hug until she settles a bit. That may be exactly the wrong thing in other relationships. I can only speak to my experiences.


----------



## MFB

Alright, I'm bring it back for those who it's relevant to, I'm shocked that this really went unused for a year and a half but maybe we're just a bunch of unloveable wads.

Anywho, I'm currently putting the moves on a lovely lady who's in an ENM relationship, didn't know that was thing (thought it was just an open relationship, but sure, whatever) and I should be a little worried at how willing I was to put the moves on someone else's wife; but hey, if she's fair play, then I'm gonna shoot this shot. It's going quite well and we've been talking for like, two weeks now I think? Looking like we might be heading toward FWB status.


----------



## MFB

I've also got some stories I'll post up later tonight that aren't great to type up while I'm at work


----------



## c7spheres

MFB said:


> Alright, I'm bring it back for those who it's relevant to, I'm shocked that this really went unused for a year and a half but maybe we're just a bunch of unloveable wads.
> 
> Anywho, I'm currently putting the moves on a lovely lady who's in an ENM relationship, didn't know that was thing (thought it was just an open relationship, but sure, whatever) and I should be a little worried at how willing I was to put the moves on someone else's wife; but hey, if she's fair play, then I'm gonna shoot this shot. It's going quite well and we've been talking for like, two weeks now I think? Looking like we might be heading toward FWB status.


All the abbreviations nowadays, lol. If she's ENM does that mean you do medical test and report sharing thing for vd's and shower really good first every time and wear a condom before doing it?


----------



## MFB

I mean, I have a test coming up anyways since there's someone else who I have a play-date scheduled with (who is also testing), but I just plan to wrap it and be done with it  She's looking for a consistent FWB, and given that she works 40 hrs a week + has a kid/husband it's not like she's got much free time for side pieces; so I think it's just sort of me (and this may be a conversation we have) and therefore testing isn't really needed as it solves itself with so few participants.

I'm not trying to have any kids, and neither is she, hell she's said she does still love her husband but if he's encouraging this then why not get some? If I find myself in a situation where I suddenly have another partner and that creates the possibility, then we'll need to address it, but all signs of that happening point to zero. (I'm getting some real fucking dogs on the apps I tell you what)


----------



## TedEH

MFB said:


> I'm shocked that this really went unused for a year and a half


I'd be willing to bet that the 'rona basically butchered the prospect of dating for a lot of people. Can't meet people when you're stuck inside.

I guess if the thread is back, I might as well contribute an update.... I basically did the thing I said I wouldn't do, and ended up back with an ex. There's stories about how we got there, but it just kinda made sense. We spend a lot of time together already, we've been in a supportive role for eachother whenever there's need, we tend to invite eachother to the kinds of things you'd bring your partner to, we go out for dinner and movies and things, etc. It's kinda like we fell back in the pattern of doing all the things partners would do, just without the being partners part. At that point, I kinda stood back and thought - it's been kind of a tough few years in a bunch of ways so maybe it could do us some good to just let something nice happen and enjoy the company. We've not really talked much about it, or where we stand in terms of "status", so to speak, and maybe that's ok.


----------



## MFB

Officially put a date on the calendar with the lady, feels good to see know we're gonna do an 'in person' vibe check which I have about 1% doubt that it will go off without a hitch; we're both busy the next couple weeks, I'm out of state next week, then birthdays/back-to-school around their parts, so we set it for a little further then either of us would've liked but just meants we'll keep revving the engines until then I suppose.


----------



## RevDrucifer

MFB said:


> Officially put a date on the calendar with the lady, feels good to see know we're gonna do an 'in person' vibe check which I have about 1% doubt that it will go off without a hitch; we're both busy the next couple weeks, I'm out of state next week, then birthdays/back-to-school around their parts, so we set it for a little further then either of us would've liked but just meants we'll keep revving the engines until then I suppose.



Good luck with this! 

I was in a similar situation last year and ultimately threw in the towel because I ended up getting the idea that the husband didn’t know what was going on and that’s not something I’m willing to participate in. There were several times I was supposed to meet the husband to make sure we were all good with the situation, but it never happened and after a 4-6 weeks I cut it off. The fact I didn’t receive a reply after stating I felt I was being deceived was just confirmation for me.


----------



## jaxadam

Yeah, do you want some constructive criticism, or do you think all possible outcomes of going after someone's wife will end positively?


----------



## MFB

RevDrucifer said:


> Good luck with this!
> 
> I was in a similar situation last year and ultimately threw in the towel because I ended up getting the idea that the husband didn’t know what was going on and that’s not something I’m willing to participate in. There were several times I was supposed to meet the husband to make sure we were all good with the situation, but it never happened and after a 4-6 weeks I cut it off. The fact I didn’t receive a reply after stating I felt I was being deceived was just confirmation for me.





jaxadam said:


> Yeah, do you want some constructive criticism, or do you think all possible outcomes of going after someone's wife will end positively?



So we've been pretty open with each other, and I'm taking her at her word that this was her husband's idea and she's still sort of ...I don't know if surprised/shocked is accurate, but I guess she didn't expect it to be something he proposed, but she said since he gave the option, she figures why not? They've been together since HS, which blows my mind, but I'm hearing more and more stories of husband's suggesting it for whatever reason (me personally if I marry someone, that shit is mine til we die). 

If at any point it seems like that's not accurate, then it'll be discussed, but for now it seems like everything is on the up and up; and even if it's not, I currently haven't done anything wrong as I'm not the one in a relationship/marriage/etc


----------



## RevDrucifer

I’m currently on a self-imposed break from relationships.

I took some time before dating after my divorce last year, went on some great ones, had some not so great ones (situation above…and a couple crazier oones), got into a 9 month relationship with an ex from 16 years ago which I dodged a major bullet with when it ended. 

I realized how complacent towards everything I get when I’m in a relationship. Socially, musically, professionally, I’m not sure how it works out that way, but until I figure that out, I’m remaining single. I prefer being a social butterfly who lives spontaneously, there’s an enthusiasm towards life I have when I’m single that is different when I’m in a relationship. 

In my 39 years, only about 13 of them have been spent single, so I think it’s important for me to fully realize who I am on my own before I get back into a relationship. Most days, I’m totally fine with this and am stoked about it, other days….not so much. I’ve never resisted my impulses before, whether that’s to talk to someone I’m attracted to, make a move on a date, saying “Fuck yeah” to a booty call, etc. but I’m heavily resisting that stuff now and I’ve gotten outright pissed off at myself after the fact a couple times. 

I suppose I’m trying to figure out how much of all of this stems from my ego and how much is just me trying to hang onto some familiarity of being in a relationship. I’m coming up on the longest dry spell I’ve had since I was 20 and I’m regularly blown away by my impulses and how I’ll find myself giving into them without realizing it, only to catch myself in the process and do a quick 180. And then sometimes an hour later I’m giving myself shit for cockblocking myself.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

MFB said:


> So we've been pretty open with each other, and I'm taking her at her word that this was her husband's idea and she's still sort of ...I don't know if surprised/shocked is accurate, but I guess she didn't expect it to be something he proposed, but she said since he gave the option, she figures why not? They've been together since HS, which blows my mind, but I'm hearing more and more stories of husband's suggesting it for whatever reason (me personally if I marry someone, that shit is mine til we die).
> 
> If at any point it seems like that's not accurate, then it'll be discussed, but for now it seems like everything is on the up and up; and even if it's not, I currently haven't done anything wrong as I'm not the one in a relationship/marriage/etc


You're engaging in whatever flirtations and whatever else that might not be out and out adultery/cheating, but isn't exactly a good idea for their relationship. Unless you have proof otherwise, treat her as if she is making a statement in court; the burden is now on her to prove that the husband is okay with this.


----------



## jaxadam

I just have one hard and fast rule for dating: if they are in a relationship, they're off limits. If they are in a relationship with one of my friends, they are off limits for the rest of my life.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

jaxadam said:


> I just have one hard and fast rule for dating: if they are in a relationship, they're off limits. If they are in a relationship with one of my friends, they are off limits for the rest of my life.


I mean, yeah, unless you enjoy inviting drama to your front door.


----------



## MFB

Spaced Out Ace said:


> You're engaging in whatever flirtations and whatever else that might not be out and out adultery/cheating, but isn't exactly a good idea for their relationship. Unless you have proof otherwise, treat her as if she is making a statement in court; *the burden is now on her to prove that the husband is okay with this.*



The latter is exactly how I'm looking at it. HER profile says it's ENM, her husband is OK with it, and I have as much in writing from her to me, never once I have come out and asked that he was, it's all been upfront information. If it's wrong, then it's because I was told as such, and I'm a single man who's here to have some fun, and she would be the one who went against her commitments.


----------



## ArtDecade

Back in my day... yeah, I am too old for this thread! Good luck,mates!


----------



## RevDrucifer

MFB said:


> So we've been pretty open with each other, and I'm taking her at her word that this was her husband's idea and she's still sort of ...I don't know if surprised/shocked is accurate, but I guess she didn't expect it to be something he proposed, but she said since he gave the option, she figures why not? They've been together since HS, which blows my mind, but I'm hearing more and more stories of husband's suggesting it for whatever reason (me personally if I marry someone, that shit is mine til we die).
> 
> If at any point it seems like that's not accurate, then it'll be discussed, but for now it seems like everything is on the up and up; and even if it's not, I currently haven't done anything wrong as I'm not the one in a relationship/marriage/etc



Right on, man. You’ve always come across as level headed from what I’ve seen, just keep your wit’s about you and trust your gut. I’m certainly not putting any judgement against you for this, I’m just thinking from a safety standpoint; if things aren’t on the up and up on her end, it puts you in a really shitty position. I‘m non-violent and consider myself rather logical/rational, but when I found out my ex was basically seeing another dude, it was as close to ‘all bets are off’ as I ever care to be. I’ve never been legitimately scared of myself before and for several minutes I was completely off the rails. Just wouldn’t want you to be on the receiving end of someone in a similar headspace!


----------



## jaxadam

ArtDecade said:


> Back in my day... yeah, I am too old for this thread! Good luck,mates!



Yeah but you used to live in Jacksonville…. You know what the talent pool looks like at The Ritz, The Brix, Lemon Bar, and San Marco!


----------



## Drew

I've fooled around with two women over the years who were in open relationships, knowingly, with their husband. Both were very up front about it - oddly, I think that whole community is far better with matters of consent than monogamous relationships - both were very clear where their boundaries were, both were a LOT of fun, and both I'm still (platonically) friends with today. 

I'm not sure it was a good idea, all the same, for two reasons. One, because I think I myself was at a place in my life with respect to personal confidence and emotional security that it never really emotionally became anything but "this is a friend of mine, who sometimes I also have sex with," but I could very easily see how it COULD, and that could be a very slippery slope for all parties involved. And two, because it is hard to say for sure what sort of impact you're having on the relationship. One of the two ended up amicably divorcing, the other was in couples therapy but making progress, last I heard. I wasn't a factor in either - the first was because her primary partner and husband was also a filmmaker, somewhat emotionally limited/likely on the spectrum, and got sucked into a project he was working on for the better part of a year and basically ignored her during this time, so they drifted apart. The second, honestly, I don't remember what happened there, but it was well after I was in a committed relationship and we had transitioned to a purely platonic friendship and mostly just texted each other music recommendations now and then. But, I think in both cases, they were turning to other partners to fill needs that their spouses weren't, and it's awfully hard to say for sure that this wasn't ultimately going to cause problems in the relationship and by being a partner of theirs I wasn't enabling this. 

Idunno. If everyone consents then do what feels right, but watch your own emotions carefully (you're posting in a relationship thread seeming excited about a first date, which isn't a great sign), and really think hard about what your potential partner's expectations and needs, and what she's getting from this, are. At a minimum, be aware you're opening a HUGE can of worms.


----------



## MFB

I will fully admit, emotional boundaries are one that I might be skirting at this point, since it's like, I genuinely hadn't made an effort to date in YEARS and then clicking with someone so effortlessly is very disarming; but at the end of the day, she's not my woman to be dumping that type of stuff on, so I'm also trying to reign it in and keep an eye on it so it doesn't become "too real." As you said, there needs to be some sort of disconnect from it as her being a friend I can have sex with, but how deep you're allowed to get is something that's going to be explored for lack of better phrasing.

I'll be posting some more stuff later to explain my situation since God was it awful until these past few weeks, but until then, so far nothing you guys have mentioned has crossed my mind or already been brought up


----------



## TedEH

I've no judgement against the whole ENM deal, or however people want to go about their lives, but I know it's not for me because people are too messy. That and I know myself well enough that I couldn't remain comfortable that way for long. Whoever can make it work though - all the power to them. Most stories I've heard from friends etc about their non-traditional relationships tend to end much rougher if they do end (and lets not kid ourselves, it's not that those are _more likely_ to end - but most relationships fail. I'd rather fail in the least painful / messy way possible if it's inevitable).



RevDrucifer said:


> but until I figure that out, I’m remaining single


IMO I think that's very smart - and a very important element of growth. IME a person can be pretty different when single vs. partnered up, and you learn a lot about yourself when you spend a lot of time on your own. I'm sure I've posted about it before, but I'm basically the opposite - I'm _very_ good at being on my own, and I've worked out a lot of how I like to live etc., but as soon as I partner up with people - that's where I need work. I've always been less able to be happy _with_ someone, and it's usually for what feels like petty/selfish reasons. I make a lot of mistakes when it comes to balancing partnered time vs. alone time, how and where to set certain boundaries etc., and it usually leads to me getting frustrated. I feel like the only way I'm going to learn these things is by doing it, which is also a part of what drives me to go "¯\_(ツ)_/¯ well, might as well just go for it".

It sounds kinda weird - but I always had this weird hangup about time spent away from home, but the 'rona kinda solves a bit of that. During the work week, "the office" _is_ my home. So there's never that feeling of "man, I've just been back and forth between your place and the office all week, I sure would like to be in my own home for a while".


----------



## Drew

MFB said:


> I will fully admit, emotional boundaries are one that I might be skirting at this point, since it's like, I genuinely hadn't made an effort to date in YEARS and then clicking with someone so effortlessly is very disarming; but at the end of the day, she's not my woman to be dumping that type of stuff on, so I'm also trying to reign it in and keep an eye on it so it doesn't become "too real." As you said, there needs to be some sort of disconnect from it as her being a friend I can have sex with, but how deep you're allowed to get is something that's going to be explored for lack of better phrasing.
> 
> I'll be posting some more stuff later to explain my situation since God was it awful until these past few weeks, but until then, so far nothing you guys have mentioned has crossed my mind or already been brought up


From the outside, I'd probably steer clear, based on what you're saying.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

I've been in a variety of open/ENM/poly situations including mono relationships that later become open and overlapping poly relationships. I've also accidentally been the "other guy" in situations that I was led to believe were open but in fact were not. 

At this point I would identify as ideologically non-monogamous, which is to say my non-monogamy arises naturally from my commitment to other non-hierarchical principles. 

A few broad observations (YMMV):

-Open relationships that started off as mono probably have drama and you will probably get involved whether you want to or not 

-Many people use poly/ENM as a way to avoid dealing with their relationship issues and end up spreading those issues around to even more people

-Cheating is ultimately a consent issue. If one partner acts in a way that violates the relationship as it was agreed upon, it explicitly denies the other partner(s) the opportunity to consent to this new relationship structure. 

-Everyone needs to be *Very Fucking Good Communicators* and have *Very Fucking Good Boundaries* or *Shit Will Get Messy*


----------



## MFB

One thing I'm curious about is that it while there's usually stories about husbands trying to open up a marriage so THEY can get all this supposed hot tail the think they've been denying (spoiler alert: there isn't any), it seems like situations like this are also not entirely uncommon anymore where the wife has a hall pass and the guy just ...doesn't? Like, I can't imagine my brain every saying that's cool in our book, it just goes against the entire premise to me?


----------



## Albake21

MFB said:


> One thing I'm curious about is that it while there's usually stories about husbands trying to open up a marriage so THEY can get all this supposed hot tail the think they've been denying (spoiler alert: there isn't any), it seems like situations like this are also not entirely uncommon anymore where the wife has a hall pass and the guy just ...doesn't? Like, I can't imagine my brain every saying that's cool in our book, it just goes against the entire premise to me?


Personally, EMN is not for me, nor do I really understand the appeal, but people can do whatever they want between consenting adults. 

With that said, I think what bothers me the most about this situation is that there is a kid and a husband at home. I guess I view it from the kid's perspective and just how fucked up it is. We're talking about a trauma causing situation where a kid finds out that their mommy is banging some random dude while their dad is at home being cucked. 

I'm sorry but once a kid is involved, EMN starts to cause WAY more drama and emotional pain all for the selfish act of getting your rocks off. EMN can be done, but 9 times out of 10, it's not actual ENM and it's more just what @wheresthefbomb described. 

I think it's worth a cautious look into if you truly feel for this woman, but if you're just thinking with your dick, I would stay clear and far away. Just my own opinion though.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

MFB said:


> One thing I'm curious about is that it while there's usually stories about husbands trying to open up a marriage so THEY can get all this supposed hot tail the think they've been denying (spoiler alert: there isn't any), it seems like situations like this are also not entirely uncommon anymore where the wife has a hall pass and the guy just ...doesn't? Like, I can't imagine my brain every saying that's cool in our book, it just goes against the entire premise to me?



A lot of the language poly folks use is alienating. Like, if this person is your "primary" partner, what's that make anyone else? Who wants to be a "secondary?" 

OTOH, getting married thinking you're devoting yourselves to each other and having someone decide they want to not only open things up but level the playing field is a gut punch and will sow resentment no matter how strong the relationship. 

I don't usually date people who are mono, or who have strictly hierarchical poly situations for those reasons. At some point it's going to be unfair to someone.


----------



## MFB

@Albake21 

We're not doing it in front of her husband? No way in fucking hell I'm plowing a chick regardless of how hot she is with another dude in the room getting off to me doing that. The whole point is that she's allowed to live, have her fun and come home, that's it. If he says he wants it to end then that's the end of it, as they're married and I'll respect him making the call to stop it vs. giving the green light to do it. Not to mention, no kid should even know what their parents are doing like that, and it's weird to think that they would. They'll learn that shit later in life, these are like, little kids with no concept of anything even close to that.


----------



## MFB

Unrelated to the whole ENM situation, when did every white girl become so homogenized? Like, Jesus fucking Christ, I'm on Tinder for the first time in legitimately ever and this shit is so fucking vanilla. Every profile is, ranking from most common to least:

1. Blank
2. Instagram link (or Instagram + country flag like anyone gives a shit?)
3. "Looking for a dad for my dog!" 
4. "Tell me your best dad joke"
5. "Feed me tacos!"

Everyone suddenly likes hiking and true crime? Get the fuck out of here, I don't want to call it basic, but like, it's fucking BASIC. If I missed the boat on this app, then it feels like missing out on Noah's Arc of all boats because I was hoping for a little bit more than this. 

And don't even get me started on the disparity between who likes me, and who I'm being shown that I should like. Fucking hell, I worked my ass off to lose ~60lbs and get myself in shape underneath what's still there, and this is my "reward"? Go fuck yourself algorithm.


----------



## Albake21

MFB said:


> @Albake21
> 
> We're not doing it in front of her husband? No way in fucking hell I'm plowing a chick regardless of how hot she is with another dude in the room getting off to me doing that. The whole point is that she's allowed to live, have her fun and come home, that's it. If he says he wants it to end then that's the end of it, as they're married and I'll respect him making the call to stop it vs. giving the green light to do it. Not to mention, no kid should even know what their parents are doing like that, and it's weird to think that they would. They'll learn that shit later in life, these are like, little kids with no concept of anything even close to that.


I didn't mean it in a literal way, I meant kids are crazy good at curiosity and finding out what their parents do. If they somehow found out, it would absolutely destroy their world. It's the thought process of the whole thing going down while little jimmy is at home. It's gross to me, just my own opinion on the subject. Point is, just be careful as it sounds like a lot of unwanted drama to me.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

MFB said:


> Unrelated to the whole ENM situation, when did every white girl become so homogenized? Like, Jesus fucking Christ, I'm on Tinder for the first time in legitimately ever and this shit is so fucking vanilla. Every profile is, ranking from most common to least:
> 
> 1. Blank
> 2. Instagram link (or Instagram + country flag like anyone gives a shit?)
> 3. "Looking for a dad for my dog!"
> 4. "Tell me your best dad joke"
> 5. "Feed me tacos!"
> 
> Everyone suddenly likes hiking and true crime? Get the fuck out of here, I don't want to call it basic, but like, it's fucking BASIC. If I missed the boat on this app, then it feels like missing out on Noah's Arc of all boats because I was hoping for a little bit more than this.
> 
> And don't even get me started on the disparity between who likes me, and who I'm being shown that I should like. Fucking hell, I worked my ass off to lose ~60lbs and get myself in shape underneath what's still there, and this is my "reward"? Go fuck yourself algorithm.


You forgot Insta/Twitter link which then gives you a link to their OnlyFans or allmylinks/linketree... which then links you to their OnlyFans. (Or maybe Fansly)


----------



## wheresthefbomb

MFB said:


> Unrelated to the whole ENM situation, when did every white girl become so homogenized? Like, Jesus fucking Christ, I'm on Tinder for the first time in legitimately ever and this shit is so fucking vanilla. Every profile is, ranking from most common to least:
> 
> 1. Blank
> 2. Instagram link (or Instagram + country flag like anyone gives a shit?)
> 3. "Looking for a dad for my dog!"
> 4. "Tell me your best dad joke"
> 5. "Feed me tacos!"
> 
> Everyone suddenly likes hiking and true crime? Get the fuck out of here, I don't want to call it basic, but like, it's fucking BASIC. If I missed the boat on this app, then it feels like missing out on Noah's Arc of all boats because I was hoping for a little bit more than this.
> 
> And don't even get me started on the disparity between who likes me, and who I'm being shown that I should like. Fucking hell, I worked my ass off to lose ~60lbs and get myself in shape underneath what's still there, and this is my "reward"? Go fuck yourself algorithm.



Up here it's white girls kissing fish, drinking IPA, and doing yoga on mountaintops


----------



## MFB

wheresthefbomb said:


> Up here it's white girls kissing fish, drinking IPA, and doing yoga on mountaintops



Ditch the fish one, swap IPAs for "eSpReSsO MaRtInIs!!" and yeah, they're the same photos too. Also forgot the classics:

"Show me around!" and "Ask me!" are insufferable as well


----------



## wheresthefbomb

MFB said:


> Ditch the fish one, swap IPAs for "eSpReSsO MaRtInIs!!" and yeah, they're the same photos too. Also forgot the classics:
> 
> "Show me around!" and "Ask me!" are insufferable as well



ordering espresso martinis is a great way to make a bartender hate you


----------



## mastapimp

MFB said:


> @Albake21
> 
> We're not doing it in front of her husband? No way in fucking hell I'm plowing a chick regardless of how hot she is with another dude in the room getting off to me doing that. The whole point is that she's allowed to live, have her fun and come home, that's it. If he says he wants it to end then that's the end of it, as they're married and I'll respect him making the call to stop it vs. giving the green light to do it. Not to mention, no kid should even know what their parents are doing like that, and it's weird to think that they would. They'll learn that shit later in life, these are like, little kids with no concept of anything even close to that.


Considering all of the husband's attitude toward the situation is being passed along through his wife, that's the first red flag. Also, do you have an idea of how many other times she's done this and with how many other partners? Is this a new thing for her? How confident is she that it won't end up in some situation where she'll emotionally latch on to you and play it off like it's still just a FWB deal? 

I've been the guy that's unknowingly ended relationships because the girl wasn't honest with her partner and have had several friends try to get in on open relationships and not a single one has actually been open or honest as they play out. People hide things, get jealous, and other people's problems spill over. In my opinion, it's not worth the headache. Stick to one girl that doesn't have the husband/boyfriend baggage and the chance of drama down the road will be diminished.


----------



## MFB

mastapimp said:


> Considering all of the husband's attitude toward the situation is being passed along through his wife, that's the first red flag. Also, do you have an idea of how many other times she's done this and with how many other partners? Is this a new thing for her? How confident is she that it won't end up in some situation where she'll emotionally latch on to you and play it off like it's still just a FWB deal?



She told me she's had two other hookups while trying it out but overall it just didn't feel like worth continuing, and a number of offers from dudes who came off just overly strong/creepy for whatever reason. This is definitely a new thing for them, as again, they've been together since high school and that was half our life ago for both of us. Me personally, I'm not trying to play stepdad to anyone's kid, so for me, if it were to get to a point where she wanted something more then it'd be a hard conversation to have as I don't see myself ever as a parent besides in dreams (because who among us doesn't compare themselves to their parents and how we'd be different?).


----------



## TedEH

The idea of an open marriage seems weird to me. Like, they're contradictory ideas: a marriage is traditionally a commitment, but if you're explicitly not committed to that person (people?), then why are you married? I don't mean that as some ethical question, but more a practical one. Same thing with the idea of having a "primary". That sounds like a mess to me: if you're said "primary", you still have no actual commitment, so it's a meaningless title outside of being the person expected to put the work in on the relationship so that others can benefit instead of you - and if you're the secondary? Tertiary? Whatever? At that point you're not really "in the relationship". I'm in that camp of thinking that as soon as there's a "hierarchy", a marriage, an implied commitment somewhere, etc etc., then you're playing with fire.


----------



## MFB

You're not wrong, and I tend to think of marriage the same way, but I guess in this sense instead of it looking like some mafia crime family chart going:

1. Husband
2. Me

We'd be on an even level, but fulfilling different aspects? He'd obviously have more things that he gives her as husband/father of the kids, etc... and underneath my picture would just be the word "SEX" and I'm OK with that as long as both of them are.


----------



## Drew

MFB said:


> And don't even get me started on the disparity between who likes me, and who I'm being shown that I should like. Fucking hell, I worked my ass off to lose ~60lbs and get myself in shape underneath what's still there, and this is my "reward"? Go fuck yourself algorithm.


Two comments - 

1) try a different app. Most of my wife's friends who are still single mostly use Hinge, as they feel like they've had better success there (I know, that sounds like a paradox, haha). I had a friend basically force me on Coffee Meets Bagel because she wanted better dating stories from me three and a half years ago, and I spent two months absolutely cleaning up (seriously, it was exhausting - three to four dates a week for a while there) before I eventually married one of them. 

2) I'd reframe that. Your reward for losing 60lbs and getting in shape is BEING in shape, all the shit you can now do without getting exhausted, the self-confidence that comes from looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing a fitter version of yourself, and the long term health benefits that come with a lower BMI. This has a lot less to do with dating than you might think.


----------



## MFB

Drew said:


> Two comments -
> 
> 1) try a different app. Most of my wife's friends who are still single mostly use Hinge, as they feel like they've had better success there (I know, that sounds like a paradox, haha). I had a friend basically force me on Coffee Meets Bagel because she wanted better dating stories from me three and a half years ago, and I spent two months absolutely cleaning up (seriously, it was exhausting - three to four dates a week for a while there) before I eventually married one of them.
> 
> 2) I'd reframe that. Your reward for losing 60lbs and getting in shape is BEING in shape, all the shit you can now do without getting exhausted, the self-confidence that comes from looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing a fitter version of yourself, and the long term health benefits that come with a lower BMI. This has a lot less to do with dating than you might think.



Hinge always seems like it's for more serious dating, but I guess you can hookup from any app so whats the difference? I tried Coffee Meets Bagel and uh, aside from the very odd racial profiling that occurred (I legitimately had 2 out of roughly 60-70s suggestions be non-Asian, and god damn every Asian is a doctor, like WTF breaks some stereotypes), everyone was saying they wanted a serious relationship and was at minimum open to kids, with the same majority wanting them. Hard pass on that one. 

And there's a lot more to unpack with #2 that I meant to post last night but I was busying cruising for tang, but yeah, I'll try to remember tonight


----------



## Drew

MFB said:


> Hinge always seems like it's for more serious dating, but I guess you can hookup from any app so whats the difference? I tried Coffee Meets Bagel and uh, aside from the very odd racial profiling that occurred (I legitimately had 2 out of roughly 60-70s suggestions be non-Asian, and god damn every Asian is a doctor, like WTF breaks some stereotypes), everyone was saying they wanted a serious relationship and was at minimum open to kids, with the same majority wanting them. Hard pass on that one.
> 
> And there's a lot more to unpack with #2 that I meant to post last night but I was busying cruising for tang, but yeah, I'll try to remember tonight


My bad, I thought you WERE looking for a serious relationship.  All the same, well, maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing to be at least open to. 

And what's wrong with an asian woman doctor? You don't want a sugar mama?


----------



## MFB

No no, I lost ~100lbs since 2018, I want as much cheap, consensual sex with average looking women as I can get before I fuck up and get myself locked into a situation with someone who'll ultimately be better than I deserve


----------



## nightflameauto

Drew said:


> My bad, I thought you WERE looking for a serious relationship.  All the same, well, maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing to be at least open to.
> 
> And what's wrong with an asian woman doctor? You don't want a sugar mama?


As someone whose wife hasn't worked in years now, I'm all about a sugar mama.

Truth: I don't mind my wife not working. She does a lot at home, keeps the dogs from going crazy with multiple walks a day, keeps most things in the house from being a disaster, etc. But that don't stop the day-dream that we could switch that shit up every once in a while.

 Hmm. Time to dig out the ol' PHP and HTML/CSS books and hand 'em off to the wife.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

Tinder sucks. 

I generally have a good rapport with women IRL and am able to come off as interesting and attractive. 

My special blend of herbs and spices isn't what anyone on Tinder seems to want, and while I recognize that I don't want to cater to whatever these people are after anyway, it still makes a dude feel lonesome. 

I have to suspect on some level that Tinder is designed to prey on just that. I can pay to reveal the people who've already "liked" me, but I already swiped through everyone in this little-ass town so they're people I passed on the first time around. In other words, if I'm really desperate I can pay for some validation.


----------



## TedEH

Any app I'd tried in the last couple of years, as much as I wasn't taking it very seriously (does anyone?), I was convinced that most - half or more? - of the profiles I was seeing were fake anyway. I'm not convinced at the moment that there's a viable pool of real people to meet on those apps. At least not around here.


----------



## lurè

Some of my friends are so obsessed with tinder and I know some of them who pay a monthly subscription. 

It fuckign drives me insane when we hang out in a new club/area and they just start swiping left and right like crazy for hours. Therest of the time is spent talking about their chatting with random girls on the app.
I'm so annoyed about this that's probably the reason I havent used any dating app yet; just seems so fake and I dont want to become a troglodyte like my friends


----------



## c7spheres

lurè said:


> Some of my friends are so obsessed with tinder and I know some of them who pay a monthly subscription.
> 
> It fuckign drives me insane when we hang out in a new club/area and they just start swiping left and right like crazy for hours. Therest of the time is spent talking about their chatting with random girls on the app.
> I'm so annoyed about this that's probably the reason I havent used any dating app yet; just seems so fake and I dont want to become a troglodyte like my friends


 Sounds like they weren't interested in the fish at the club. I hate when people are in their phones in general, even if they're by themself.
- If you play guitar you're at least part troglodyte.


----------



## TedEH

Wait - do you mean to say it bothers you when people are using their phones when they're alone?


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> Wait - do you mean to say it bothers you when people are using their phones when they're alone?


 Yes. Cell phones abusing people bothers me. I've lost many freinds to it. They just can't get the F out of it. I don't even own a smart phone or phone with a camera.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

c7spheres said:


> Yes. Cell phones abusing people bothers me. I've lost many freinds to it. They just can't get the F out of it. I don't even own a smart phone or phone with a camera.


An old friend of mine used to come over to hang out... always buried in his phone. And he'd go thru phases... like POF, tinder, etc... but the worst was when he downloaded some boring ass racing game where he'd build up a virtual garage full of exotic sports cars from race wins. Sometimes he'd sit there and show me all the cars he built and I was just like how is this a thing? Couple times I had to cut things short because it was just too aggravating to try to have any interaction with him. He then slid down into the social-media wasteland of FB and IG and eventually hit the bottom of the barrel subscribing to conspiracy theories of the trump-cultist world. Friendship ended mutually around that time. Really sad as before all of that he was a genuinely vibrant person and a lot of fun to be around. But his addiction to his phone just turned his brain to mush.


----------



## Xaios

I have a date tomorrow for the first time in a very... very... long time. Excited for that. Fingers crossed.


----------



## TedEH

I feel very slightly bad that I just started seeing someone, but then I'm immediately taking a work trip and missing her birthday. Oops. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


----------



## Drew

TedEH said:


> I feel very slightly bad that I just started seeing someone, but then I'm immediately taking a work trip and missing her birthday. Oops. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Send her flowers. Or if she isn't the flower type - and almost every girl is, it seems - send her something, chocolate, a cake, hide a card or a present in her place somewhere and tell her where to look on her birthday, etc. Women love this shit, it's like a cheat code for dating.  

(I'm away this weekend for a cycling event while mty wife is home and on call, so I literally just came back from picking her up flowers as a surprise for when she comes home to an empty house. I'm trying to subtly build the association that me going away biking = flowers, so she'll be more tolerant of me going away biking)


----------



## TedEH

Drew said:


> hide a card or a present in her place


This...... is a smart idea. If I can find the time to do it, this might be the way.


----------



## lurè

High Plains Drifter said:


> Sometimes he'd sit there and show me all the cars he built and I was just like how is this a thing? Couple times I had to cut things short because it was just too aggravating to try to have any interaction with him. He then slid down into the social-media wasteland of FB and IG


Kinda similar to my situation but with the tinder pics instead of the cars. Like ok I get that's a cute girl and you are chatting with her..do you want an applause, a trophy or what?

The best scenario is when we hang aout as 5/6 and they all take out their phones and start looking on tinder for nearby new girls for 2 hours straight,


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

Drew said:


> Send her flowers. Or if she isn't the flower type - and almost every girl is, it seems - send her something, chocolate, a cake, hide a card or a present in her place somewhere and tell her where to look on her birthday, etc. Women love this shit, it's like a cheat code for dating.
> 
> (I'm away this weekend for a cycling event while mty wife is home and on call, so I literally just came back from picking her up flowers as a surprise for when she comes home to an empty house. I'm trying to subtly build the association that me going away biking = flowers, so she'll be more tolerant of me going away biking)


If I gave my girlfriend flowers, she'd not be too happy. Lol


----------



## c7spheres

High Plains Drifter said:


> An old friend of mine used to come over to hang out... always buried in his phone. And he'd go thru phases... like POF, tinder, etc... but the worst was when he downloaded some boring ass racing game where he'd build up a virtual garage full of exotic sports cars from race wins. Sometimes he'd sit there and show me all the cars he built and I was just like how is this a thing? Couple times I had to cut things short because it was just too aggravating to try to have any interaction with him. He then slid down into the social-media wasteland of FB and IG and eventually hit the bottom of the barrel subscribing to conspiracy theories of the trump-cultist world. Friendship ended mutually around that time. Really sad as before all of that he was a genuinely vibrant person and a lot of fun to be around. But his addiction to his phone just turned his brain to mush.


This is exactly the type thing Im talking about. You try to be their friends but they won't anymore. They come over to jam or go to meet up or whatever and basically ignore you. Like, just say you can't rather than disrespect. They're hopelessly addicted. Why go anywhere if that's all you do?
- If it's important or urgent I understand but after dozens of attempts (different days) and maybe even getting a little upset about it and mentioning it they just keep doing it so why would I want to 'jam' again or hang out again? I already know how that's going to be, yet they get upset with me about it? sure buddy. I tried mentioning it a lot, our time is our time, not you and your phones time while I pause my life for you and we talk for a half second at a time unitl the next message happens.

- My freinds GF was so addicted to some Simpsons game she was spending their kids money on it for whatever you buy in the game. She never would leave the game, freind not only couldn't get her to come around but also broke it off with her and decided never to propose, moved out too because it was that bad. Any time you push the issues with these people they get mad/offensive/defensive. Like you owe it to them to constantly wait by their side for when they're ready and in between whatever they're doing. I ain't ya damn lapdog.- This type thing I've experienced and witnessed many times. It's sad and has basically destroyed society. - It got so bad once I smacked the phone out of someones hands after getting ignored a half dozen times. It's like 'hey time to go, get the F out of my place, and it was like I wasn't there so I got mad and smacked the phone 'you're leaving now'. Better show respect in my own place to me. I don't tolerate much at all in my own place, but will tolerate a heck of a lot when not. It's basic respect and they tend to lose it when they get addicted, and for what? It not even a good drug or anything, it's stupid toddler type shit and graphics and stupid stuff. I would think it's stupid even if I was kid still. The technology is almost ok, but it's the how it's implemented which is bad, imo.

TLDR; I hate the damn cell phones and the people that can't get out of them for the most part. If on your time and they keep disrepecting you get that phone and tell them to leave or it dies.


----------



## TedEH

A little hyperbolic maybe, but I hear you. I don't blame the devices themselves, but rather the products we happen to access through them. Games like that are designed to hook people that way, it's their whole point. Same with the facebooks and reddits etc of the world. The device as a whole though, I personally think has done more good than bad. I wouldn't say it's "destroyed society", so much as changed it, opened it up, and at the same time distracted it and wasted a lot of it's time.

But then, what does anyone do with their time that couldn't be described as a waste in some capacity? I don't strive to not waste time, but instead waste it in the most enjoyable way I can.


----------



## c7spheres

TedEH said:


> A little hyperbolic maybe, but I hear you. I don't blame the devices themselves, but rather the products we happen to access through them. Games like that are designed to hook people that way, it's their whole point. Same with the facebooks and reddits etc of the world. The device as a whole though, I personally think has done more good than bad. I wouldn't say it's "destroyed society", so much as changed it, opened it up, and at the same time distracted it and wasted a lot of it's time.
> 
> But then, what does anyone do with their time that couldn't be described as a waste in some capacity? I don't strive to not waste time, but instead waste it in the most enjoyable way I can.


I think other than losing freinds to it and seeing others have a similar experience the worst thing is that's it's over stupid stuff that not even as a toddler would i have been into. It's so dumb. I understand people need it for jobs are on call, have a wife kids etc, that's all good. What if people BC (before cellular) got like this with board games and TV (well I guess they did with TV some of them) but man, what a waste. - More than likely all this stuff is just to distract us and the black ops are working with the aliens to integrate us to become as cyborg as possible. It must be that. hehe. How sad it is and how great it could have been. If only people used computers and tech as tools rather then being their tools. I shouldn't laugh but find it funny whenever I see someone fretting over finding a charge port.


----------



## High Plains Drifter

TedEH said:


> A little hyperbolic maybe, but I hear you. I don't blame the devices themselves, but rather the products we happen to access through them. Games like that are designed to hook people that way, it's their whole point. Same with the facebooks and reddits etc of the world. The device as a whole though, I personally think has done more good than bad. I wouldn't say it's "destroyed society", so much as changed it, opened it up, and at the same time distracted it and wasted a lot of it's time.
> 
> But then, what does anyone do with their time that couldn't be described as a waste in some capacity? I don't strive to not waste time, but instead waste it in the most enjoyable way I can.


I mean... yeah. But I don't consider two friends "wasting time" together as not enjoyable. And when your best friend makes a conscious decision to repeatedly ignore you while they dive into the content on their phone, it honestly hurts. I'd rather be blown off old school and hang out some other time than to [almost every time] be put on the back burner just to talk to the top of their head. Not speaking for anyone else but that's how it became for me. Like my time or interests... and equally, my interests in them, just becomes an afterthought or inconvenience. Not arguing any point that you're making... simply expressing that it really did become a thing that was genuinely frustrating and made me feel completely disregarded. I have much more understanding and sympathy for how these games and apps and things affect a child's attention but as an adult, I feel like it's not unrealistic to expect a greater degree of respect and self-control.


----------



## c7spheres

High Plains Drifter said:


> I mean... yeah. But I don't consider two friends "wasting time" together as not enjoyable. And when your best friend makes a conscious decision to repeatedly ignore you while they dive into the content on their phone, it honestly hurts. I'd rather be blown off old school and hang out some other time than to [almost every time] be put on the back burner just to talk to the top of their head. Not speaking for anyone else but that's how it became for me. Like my time or interests... and equally, my interests in them, just becomes an afterthought or inconvenience. Not arguing any point that you're making... simply expressing that it really did become a thing that was genuinely frustrating and made me feel completely disregarded. I have much more understanding and sympathy for how these games and apps and things affect a child's attention but as an adult, I feel like it's not unrealistic to expect a greater degree of respect and self-control.


 You said it better than me. It's not just using the phone or being inconvenienced. It's that they won't even look up from it or talk 80% of the time, not hear you when you talk to them and that type stuff. I'm with you, if you're gonna do that then just say you got other plans or something because together we're not doing anything anyways. It's not like were lovers laying in bed and having our quiet time. When I wanna jam I want to play and make music not stare at you staring at your phone. It does hurt. Some of these people I knew for decades but something got in their head and they never used to be this way. They're infected basically.


----------



## Mathemagician

Xaios said:


> I have a date tomorrow for the first time in a very... very... long time. Excited for that. Fingers crossed.



May the background music everywhere you go be songs she likes. 




TedEH said:


> This...... is a smart idea. If I can find the time to do it, this might be the way.



Do you want to? Then MAKE time. 


Look at me giving out orders without a leg to stand on. Lol.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

lurè said:


> Some of my friends are so obsessed with tinder and I know some of them who pay a monthly subscription.
> 
> It fuckign drives me insane when we hang out in a new club/area and they just start swiping left and right like crazy for hours. Therest of the time is spent talking about their chatting with random girls on the app.
> I'm so annoyed about this that's probably the reason I havent used any dating app yet; just seems so fake and I dont want to become a troglodyte like my friends



I was out with my brother the other night, same thing. I tried a few times to initiate conversation but he's just alternating between swiping, telling me about girls he's chatting with, and telling me about girls he's fucked. 

I have my issues with his behavior but it's none of my fucking business and I'd supremely rather just not know, telling me puts me in the awkward situation of having to formulate an opinion on it and then either play along, ignore him, or explain myself, none of which are conducive to anything I want to be part of. 

I guess that's what him and his friends do when they hang out. Sounds fucking whack to me.


----------



## lurè

wheresthefbomb said:


> I was out with my brother the other night, same thing. I tried a few times to initiate conversation but he's just alternating between swiping, telling me about girls he's chatting with, and telling me about girls he's fucked.
> 
> I have my issues with his behavior but it's none of my fucking business and I'd supremely rather just not know, telling me puts me in the awkward situation of having to formulate an opinion on it and then either play along, ignore him, or explain myself, none of which are conducive to anything I want to be part of.
> 
> I guess that's what him and his friends do when they hang out. Sounds fucking whack to me.


I usually start ignoring the person but it got to the point that I went out with 6 friends and didnt speak to none of them for 4 hours except for the occasional "let's have a drink".

Since I dont have any of these dating apps or Instagram, I cant probably understand the fun but it feels like watching people hitting puberty again but in a worse and more annoying way.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

lurè said:


> I usually start ignoring the person but it got to the point that I went out with 6 friends and didnt speak to none of them for 4 hours except for the occasional "let's have a drink".
> 
> Since I dont have any of these dating apps or Instagram, I cant probably understand the fun but it feels like watching people hitting puberty again but in a worse and more annoying way.



You're not missing anything. It's a black hole that infinitely rewards/reinforces dopamine seeking behavior.


----------



## MFB

I hate women some times, chick messages ME, asking me to drinks, saying she fucking wants it; then cancels when I ask where we're meeting because her original plans came through (mean she was HIS backup), and then leaves it at that.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

MFB said:


> I hate women some times, chick messages ME, asking me to drinks, saying she fucking wants it; then cancels when I ask where we're meeting because her original plans came through (mean she was HIS backup), and then leaves it at that.


"She belongs to the streets." - Future


----------



## thebeesknees22

MFB said:


> I hate women some times, chick messages ME, asking me to drinks, saying she fucking wants it; then cancels when I ask where we're meeting because her original plans came through (mean she was HIS backup), and then leaves it at that.


I think you dodged a bullet. 

Although it sucks to be left hanging like that.


----------



## MFB

This isn't the ENM chick for the record, different married chick


----------



## thebeesknees22

oh ok well then

Win some, ya lose some I suppose! There are other fish in the sea and all that


----------



## MFB

She said she's got my number and if that dude doesn't work out, she'll see if maybe we can meet  Let's see how this goes, she said I looked like I'd be great to cuddle with so I told her that if that dude ain't down, I'm ready to be her cuddly behemoth.

I'm just still kind of fuming at the last minute cancellation


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

MFB said:


> She said she's got my number and if that dude doesn't work out, she'll see if maybe we can meet  Let's see how this goes, she said I looked like I'd be great to cuddle with so I told her that if that dude ain't down, I'm ready to be her cuddly behemoth.
> 
> I'm just still kind of fuming at the last minute cancellation


Eh, I would not be someone's second option (if you're lucky). Allowing herto think you can always be her backup is not a good idea, even if all you want is sex. Aside from getting seen as a pushover, it is also a fast track to the Herpes Highway.


----------



## MFB

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Eh, I would not be someone's second option (if you're lucky). Allowing herto think you can always be her backup is not a good idea, even if all you want is sex. Aside from getting seen as a pushover, it is also a fast track to the Herpes Highway.



I'm in full degenerate mode, so I'm going to defer to my ol' pal Vince and his words of wisdom. Vince, take it away would you?


----------



## c7spheres

Spaced Out Ace said:


> "She belongs to the streets." - Future


 Great, now I got Glenn Frey stuck in my head. lol. 

You were born in the city
Concrete under your feet
It's in your moves, it's in your blood
You're a man of the street


----------



## jaxadam

A married woman’s _backup _side piece? Man, what could go wrong!


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

jaxadam said:


> A married woman’s _backup _side piece? Man, what could go wrong!


What could go wrong being random broads backup push around? Not a great idea.


----------



## jaxadam

Spaced Out Ace said:


> What could go wrong being random broads backup push around? Not a great idea.



No kidding... Call me crazy, but what ever happened to meeting girls the old fashioned way... At the tittie bar!


----------



## MFB

Let me be a degenerate damn it, I never had this option when I was in my 20s!


----------



## TedEH

"Sorry, I don't think this is going to work out, the internet guitar nerds have spoken"

I kid, do be careful at least.


----------



## jaxadam

If this shit goes somewhere, I better be invited to the wedding!

“Mom, where did you and daddy meet? In the Denny’s parking lot. He was my backup side piece when I was married to your uncle.”


----------



## wheresthefbomb

Backup Side Piece will be the name of @MFB 's dad rock bar band when he's old and grizzled. 

Also I'm here to both encourage you to be degenerate and also to value yourself. In the world of hookups everyone is someone's second choice (or fourth, or tenth) but it sounds like you're meeting plenty of women and can pass on being someone's last-second second choice without missing much. 

It's the fucking future, god is dead, you can be a dirty slut and still have respect for yourself.


----------



## MFB

The way I look at it, if she wants to come back and drink from the well, she'll get her shot, but I'm not going to get hung up on her and stop playing the odds with other chicks because she considered me for a night; I've thrown out feelers on like five other chicks since that happened. They're all attractive women and I'd be lucky to spend an evening with any of them, so I don't really have a "favorite," its all of them. 

The amount of women who think you can't have a ONS/hookup without also having respect for yourself the next day is insane; I know what (or WHO) I want, and I'm shooting a shot at them for better or worse, if they say no, then I respectfully move on. But I'm not forcing myself into anywhere it doesn't seem like it might now be welcomed.


----------



## LordCashew

wheresthefbomb said:


> Backup Side Piece will be the name of @MFB 's dad rock bar band when he's old and grizzled.


I think "Dedicated Ass Trimmer" (referencing a post from another thread for like the third time) would be a great band name too. As a band name, it kind of comes across as a double entendre...


----------



## MFB

HOW DARE YOU MENTION THE SPOTLESS SERVICE RECORD OF MY DEDICATED ASS TRIMMER


----------



## LordCashew

MFB said:


> HOW DARE YOU MENTION THE SPOTLESS SERVICE RECORD OF MY DEDICATED ASS TRIMMER


I mean, taking two letters out of @wheresthefbomb 's suggestion would give you "Backside Piece" which is vague enough no one would guess the actual meaning...


----------



## MFB

Had not only a decent Tinder match today, but ANOTHER wife willing to take some time to talk to me, which is always a good feeling. I also had a dom reach out, which, I've never been part of that lifestyle but I told them that straight up and we're talking, so I guess I'll see what that's all about?  

Shit's wild man, y'all should see some of this stuff, I'm glad I can look at this with a decent level of self-awareness


----------



## nightflameauto

@MFB you ever consider hooking up with non-married chicks? Or is drama the end-game?

Asking out of morbid curiosity more than anything. And still silently cheering you on as an old married dude that knows he ain't ever playing the game again.


----------



## MFB

nightflameauto said:


> @MFB you ever consider hooking up with non-married chicks? Or is drama the end-game?
> 
> Asking out of morbid curiosity more than anything. And still silently cheering you on as an old married dude that knows he ain't ever playing the game again.



I've also got lines out on single, not married chicks, they just don't seem to be buying what I'm selling for whatever reason. The first two matches I had flaked after a few messages or never showed up at all, and this new chick is dope as hell and I'd like to see something cool come out of it but have minimal expectations. The married ones seem to be much more of a fan of the playful word game, respect that I worked on myself for the past 4 years to get my shit together, and realize that it's not all about first impressions.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

nightflameauto said:


> @MFB you ever consider hooking up with non-married chicks? Or is drama the end-game?
> 
> Asking out of morbid curiosity more than anything. And still silently cheering you on as an old married dude that knows he ain't ever playing the game again.


I'm not old, but I don't care to play the game. I'm fine with my girlfriend, I don't care for the games.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

MFB said:


> I've also got lines out on single, not married chicks, they just don't seem to be buying what I'm selling for whatever reason. The first two matches I had flaked after a few messages or never showed up at all, and this new chick is dope as hell and I'd like to see something cool come out of it but have minimal expectations. The married ones seem to be much more of a fan of the playful word game, respect that I worked on myself for the past 4 years to get my shit together, and realize that it's not all about first impressions.


Are there age differences between the married women that seem more interested versus the single chicks who aren't?


----------



## Drew

c7spheres said:


> - My freinds GF was so addicted to some Simpsons game she was spending their kids money on it for whatever you buy in the game. She never would leave the game, freind not only couldn't get her to come around but also broke it off with her and decided never to propose, moved out too because it was that bad. Any time you push the issues with these people they get mad/offensive/defensive. Like you owe it to them to constantly wait by their side for when they're ready and in between whatever they're doing. I ain't ya damn lapdog.- This type thing I've experienced and witnessed many times. It's sad and has basically destroyed society. - It got so bad once I smacked the phone out of someones hands after getting ignored a half dozen times. It's like 'hey time to go, get the F out of my place, and it was like I wasn't there so I got mad and smacked the phone 'you're leaving now'. Better show respect in my own place to me. I don't tolerate much at all in my own place, but will tolerate a heck of a lot when not. It's basic respect and they tend to lose it when they get addicted, and for what? It not even a good drug or anything, it's stupid toddler type shit and graphics and stupid stuff. I would think it's stupid even if I was kid still. The technology is almost ok, but it's the how it's implemented which is bad, imo.


Tapped Out? Like a decade ago a girl I was dating got pretty into that when it first came out. She got me into it for a bit too and honestly I think just that other shared interest helped a little after we broke up - we're still pretty good friends today, although she now lives in a different part of the country so we don't see each other much. 

But, where I'm going with this, is that I think even you'll agree this is a pretty extreme example, and the problem here probably isn't the phone, so much as an addictive personality exposed to something that could be addicting. It could be an iphone game, it could be Call of Duty, it could be the Twilight novel series, it could be working out, or it could be a 30-rack of Busch or black tar heroin. If it wasn't this game, she probably would have had addictive problems with something else, and the root cause here isn't the outside stimulus, so much as how her serotonin cycle is wired up. 

Shit, my wife thinks I have a bit of an addictive bent when it comes to cycling and guitar. I manage it, but that's entirely on me, and not the fault of my guitars or bikes, you know? It's too easy to make technology a scapegoat, but we as a society have had the same "this newfangled invention is stopping people from being present with each other" since at _least_ the advent of the printed page.


----------



## Drew

MFB said:


> This isn't the ENM chick for the record, different married chick


Saying this from a place of support - you maaaaay want to rethink your choice of dating apps or your user criteria to get a pool of women to meet who _aren't _married.


----------



## nightflameauto

Ties in nicely with the current conversation.

Mom met some gal in her age bracket that lives close by a couple weeks back. They'd been getting along pretty well, but apparently over the weekend things went south:
-The gal is married to a much younger man that she seems to treat horribly (according to mom).
-Her husband's birthday? She had dates with two other dudes.
-Mom asked her if she doesn't love her husband. "Well sure, but he loves me so much I can do whatever I want and he won't leave me." (That sounds healthy)
-Something about bipolar disorder and forgotten pills that I zoned out on because it turned into a half-hour rant that made little sense after the first couple minutes.

So, you know, @MFB , there's a seventy-something Russian lady of ill temperment and iller mental faculties that's probably down for a thrill in SIoux Falls, should you hate yourself enough to want to come here.


----------



## MFB

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Are there age differences between the married women that seem more interested versus the single chicks who aren't?



The chick that hit me up on Saturday is 40, and I'm 32 as of Thursday; another woman who will check the profile, then not make a move, and we're NOW talking is 45, but the original wifey who I'm still talking to is a year younger than me. So the numbers are all over the place, but it seems like I play well to an older crowd which is fine by me, cause I like that they know what they're doing/what they want/etc.



Drew said:


> Saying this from a place of support - you maaaaay want to rethink your choice of dating apps or your user criteria to get a pool of women to meet who _aren't _married.



There's single women on there too, but again, they're not barking up my tree unfortunately


----------



## c7spheres

Drew said:


> Tapped Out? Like a decade ago a girl I was dating got pretty into that when it first came out. She got me into it for a bit too and honestly I think just that other shared interest helped a little after we broke up - we're still pretty good friends today, although she now lives in a different part of the country so we don't see each other much.
> 
> But, where I'm going with this, is that I think even you'll agree this is a pretty extreme example, and the problem here probably isn't the phone, so much as an addictive personality exposed to something that could be addicting. It could be an iphone game, it could be Call of Duty, it could be the Twilight novel series, it could be working out, or it could be a 30-rack of Busch or black tar heroin. If it wasn't this game, she probably would have had addictive problems with something else, and the root cause here isn't the outside stimulus, so much as how her serotonin cycle is wired up.
> 
> Shit, my wife thinks I have a bit of an addictive bent when it comes to cycling and guitar. I manage it, but that's entirely on me, and not the fault of my guitars or bikes, you know? It's too easy to make technology a scapegoat, but we as a society have had the same "this newfangled invention is stopping people from being present with each other" since at _least_ the advent of the printed page.


 I agree. She probably would have got bent on something else. I don't really have a problem with the tech itself, more the way it's used. I see phones as a tool. I had a freind in a similar situation where ihis GF for years left him because he couldn't get away from MIndcraft and Fantasy sports. Some people get so wrapped up they disappear forever and everyone in their lives goes away. - Really nothing wrong with it if they're ok wiht all that, but I think its sad to see people deteriorate because of some games. The tech does seem to be designed to make people stay attached to it though. I saw that social network movie a long time ago and it made me feel kind of validated, like I knew somethign was going on there, now they admitted it.
- I had my stint of video game addiction before they were so high tech and other addictions too. I'm glad guitar has always been there for me and helped me through everything. Guitar is my best freind. If I could marry my guitar I would. haha. Even then I've always given it less priority than loved ones. Life is better with a cell phone, but only when you use it to serve you, imo. I see smart phones as weak computers. They can do calls and text like I want but not really anything else I want. For that I need a lot more powerful computer, so I never got one.


----------



## Drew

c7spheres said:


> The tech does seem to be designed to make people stay attached to it though. I saw that social network movie a long time ago and it made me feel kind of validated, like I knew somethign was going on there, now they admitted it.


I mean, there's nothing new here either. Remember the serial format novel?


----------



## jaxadam

c7spheres said:


> Guitar is my best freind. If I could marry my guitar I would. haha.



Don't let anything stop you!









Japanese man who married hologram says he can no longer communicate with her


A 38-year-old Japanese man who married a hologram of a fictional pop singer four years ago is no longer able to communicate with her, after the company who made the technology stopped supporting it…




www.fox46.com


----------



## wheresthefbomb

Drew said:


> I mean, there's nothing new here either. Remember the serial format novel?



I see where you're coming from here and agree to an extent, but the serial format novel did not have a massive machine-learning algorithm behind it learning and then shaping people's consumer habits in real time.

What we face today is entirely unprecedented in that regard. I say this as someone with addictive personality traits, I have dopamine seeking behavior like fuck and I know a fix when I see one.


----------



## nightflameauto

Drew said:


> I mean, there's nothing new here either. Remember the serial format novel?


I'm feeling attacked!







LOL.


----------



## c7spheres

jaxadam said:


> Don't let anything stop you!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Japanese man who married hologram says he can no longer communicate with her
> 
> 
> A 38-year-old Japanese man who married a hologram of a fictional pop singer four years ago is no longer able to communicate with her, after the company who made the technology stopped supporting it…
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.fox46.com


 I'd marry a real doll like that guys hologram. lol. A hologram though? How do they have sex?


----------



## wheresthefbomb

c7spheres said:


> I'd marry a real doll like that guys hologram. lol. A hologram though? How do they have sex?



Sex can be a lot of things. And/or, a lot of things can be sex.


----------



## c7spheres

wheresthefbomb said:


> Sex can be a lot of things. And/or, a lot of things can be sex.


 Sounds like a mind fu#k to me. Isn't that how the Vulcans did it?


----------



## jaxadam

wheresthefbomb said:


> Sex can be a lot of things. And/or, a lot of things can be sex.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

c7spheres said:


> Sounds like a mind fu#k to me. Isn't that how the Vulcans did it?



That's _Operation _Mindfuck to you!


----------



## c7spheres

wheresthefbomb said:


> That's _Operation _Mindfuck to you!


 Now I'm geting some really grotesque pictures in my mind. Think I'll stick to the old fashioned way. Isn't Operation Mindcuk what they're gonna call the new Tesla phone brain implant interface? I bet those would give the best modeller impulse response sex ever.


----------



## MFB

Deleted Tinder
Deleted OKCupid
Deleted Feeld
Deleted Snapchat
Deleted Coffee Meets Bagel

It's been about a week of at most for some of those apps, and honestly, in hindsight this whole thing just feels like it was a terrible mistake; I had one small opportunity that went to my head and suddenly thought I was someone who could be a piece of manmeat when the reality is that the women get to decide if you are or not. It's always been that way but since I never tried to play the game, I couldn't have known. Physically, I'm not what the women I'd want to be with are after, and the women who want me aren't what I'm after, so there's no point in continuing. It's all based on a first impression, and everyone is paying the system so there's no such thing as chance anymore, it's all pre-screenings.

So I'm gonna go back to some of my old ways, continue hitting the gym and rather than try to ignore sex and the lack of, just acknowledge that it's something for others but not me.


----------



## jaxadam

MFB said:


> Deleted Tinder
> Deleted OKCupid
> Deleted Feeld
> Deleted Snapchat
> Deleted Coffee Meets Bagel
> 
> It's been about a week of at most for some of those apps, and honestly, in hindsight this whole thing just feels like it was a terrible mistake; I had one small opportunity that went to my head and suddenly thought I was someone who could be a piece of manmeat when the reality is that the women get to decide if you are or not. It's always been that way but since I never tried to play the game, I couldn't have known. Physically, I'm not what the women I'd want to be with are after, and the women who want me aren't what I'm after, so there's no point in continuing. It's all based on a first impression, and everyone is paying the system so there's no such thing as chance anymore, it's all pre-screenings.
> 
> So I'm gonna go back to some of my old ways, continue hitting the gym and rather than try to ignore sex and the lack of, just acknowledge that it's something for others but not me.



I’m really glad to actually read this post. You are doing the best thing for the long term by going back to just being yourself and letting things happen naturally. Hell, you may run into your future wife at the gym or grocery store who is on the same journey as you. Just talk to them, find some interest, and don’t gloat over a feature that they’ve heard about from 100 other guys. I have had straight up 10’s go after me (well, maybe 9.5’s) because I straight ignored them or just didn’t give a fuck, and I’ve poured it on a little too strong to 5’s and been flat out rejected.

And I can tell you this from plenty of experience, all those girls you think are hot have some fucked up things going on in their heads too and they’re not really worth it, physically, and definitely mentally and emotionally. Every one seemed to have deep insecurity issues and wacky eating disorders that eventually just do not become enjoyable to deal with in a relationship setting. One had a major hang up about her knees (her knees for crying out loud) and another only ate peanut m&m’s and Wendy’s baked potatoes and drank Long Island iced teas and holy shit was that a handful.


----------



## MFB

Yeah, but man, you have to realize, I've never allowed myself to have the same fun that everyone else did. I've always been the most straight laced of the friend group, and looking back, it's just fucking depressing. Like, why couldn't I just once be the one who made the "wrong" call in the long run and got a story out of it? I always said no, and made sure someone got home safe, and that their boyfriend didn't have to worry about them.

I just once wanted to be that guy for ONCE, just to see what it was like, and I'm still not even getting the chance all these years later. What's the reward for playing by the rules after all this time? Because so far it's just been loneliness.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

c7spheres said:


> Isn't Operation Mindcuk what they're gonna call the new Tesla phone brain implant interface?



Thank you for this. 



MFB said:


> rather than try to ignore sex and the lack of, just acknowledge that it's something for others but not me.



Super relate to this my dude. 



MFB said:


> Yeah, but man, you have to realize, I've never allowed myself to have the same fun that everyone else did. I've always been the most straight laced of the friend group, and looking back, it's just fucking depressing. Like, why couldn't I just once be the one who made the "wrong" call in the long run and got a story out of it? I always said no, and made sure someone got home safe, and that their boyfriend didn't have to worry about them.
> 
> I just once wanted to be that guy for ONCE, just to see what it was like, and I'm still not even getting the chance all these years later. What's the reward for playing by the rules after all this time? Because so far it's just been loneliness.



Also super relate to this. Men like you and me feel like we "missed out" because that's the narrative but as you're discovering, what we've "missed" is in fact highly missable. There's a lot more to life, like self-actualization and shit. 

While these dorks were out getting laid and spending all their money at bars I was busy becoming a Wizard of the Wild Woods. I feel pretty good about my choices.


----------



## jaxadam

MFB said:


> Yeah, but man, you have to realize, I've never allowed myself to have the same fun that everyone else did. I've always been the most straight laced of the friend group, and looking back, it's just fucking depressing. Like, why couldn't I just once be the one who made the "wrong" call in the long run and got a story out of it? I always said no, and made sure someone got home safe, and that their boyfriend didn't have to worry about them.
> 
> I just once wanted to be that guy for ONCE, just to see what it was like, and I'm still not even getting the chance all these years later. What's the reward for playing by the rules after all this time? Because so far it's just been loneliness.



I had a pretty long talk with a guy that worked with us that was much younger (in his late 20’s now) and he looks back on his life and choices he made (college he went to, his education major, etc.) with animosity and regret. I told him that _at the time_ he made those decisions, and at that point in his life, that must have been the best option for him because that choice obviously outweighed all the others. There’s no going back and changing those things now. Our minds change with life experiences, and we shouldn’t taint the past through the lens of our current set of circumstances.


----------



## MFB

It's easy to say you're not missing out on an experience after you've had it yourself. As much as you might say it's over hyped, the point is you got to make that call for yourself.

I'm 32, and never closed with anyone, and apparently it's not changing any time soon.


----------



## thebeesknees22

MFB said:


> It's easy to say you're not missing out on an experience after you've had it yourself. As much as you might say it's over hyped, the point is you got to make that call for yourself.
> 
> I'm 32, and never closed with anyone, and apparently it's not changing any time soon.


There are probably more in the same boat than you may think. I have quite few friends in my industry that don't end up meeting someone until their late 30's or early 40's. *granted we work insane hours all the time which doesn't help.

I was 37 before I finally met someone (damn near 38), and it wasn't for the lack of trying. 

It didn't last long because of covid lockdowns, and she was going slightly crazy from all of that so I peaced out. But yeah.... it's not easy to meet someone.

I know the longer it drags on without it happening the more depressing it gets. (and it can get real F'n depressing. I've been there.) ...but sometimes it just is what it is. 

I think online dating actually made it harder to meet someone, because there's this expectation that the bigger fish is out there...or something. And now with things being in the post covid world, I imagine it's even harder.

When I did meet someone finally, it wasn't online. It was someone I had worked with years earlier, and we found ourselves in the same city again and it just happened. 

I have very low expectations of ever meeting someone again at my age. So I've made my peace with that, and I'm just focusing on trying to move on to my next adventure, wherever that may be, and see what happens next.

And I'll never do online dating again. F that with a capital F. It's the most soul draining experience I've ever tried.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

MFB said:


> It's easy to say you're not missing out on an experience after you've had it yourself. As much as you might say it's over hyped, the point is you got to make that call for yourself.
> 
> I'm 32, and never closed with anyone, and apparently it's not changing any time soon.



That's legitimate and I definitely did not mean to invalidate your experiences or hold mine as comparable. Everyone's path is different. My first relationship lasted 13 years, so while I have had my experiences with romance, I spent all of my stereotypical hoein' years hitched up. By the time I was in open relationships and then single, I was in my 30s and the dating pool is just not the same in so many ways. 

My last relationship ended after about a year, but I'd still mark it among the healthiest I've ever had and it's because I and my partner were doing a lot of work on ourselves. That's also why we ended up splitting, but the point is you're on the right track focusing on yourself. People who are also on that track will recognize it in you. 

I met her on tinder but it was a fluke, neither of us were the typical tinderite.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

MFB said:


> Deleted Tinder
> Deleted OKCupid
> Deleted Feeld
> Deleted Snapchat
> Deleted Coffee Meets Bagel
> 
> It's been about a week of at most for some of those apps, and honestly, in hindsight this whole thing just feels like it was a terrible mistake; I had one small opportunity that went to my head and suddenly thought I was someone who could be a piece of manmeat when the reality is that the women get to decide if you are or not. It's always been that way but since I never tried to play the game, I couldn't have known. Physically, I'm not what the women I'd want to be with are after, and the women who want me aren't what I'm after, so there's no point in continuing. It's all based on a first impression, and everyone is paying the system so there's no such thing as chance anymore, it's all pre-screenings.
> 
> So I'm gonna go back to some of my old ways, continue hitting the gym and rather than try to ignore sex and the lack of, just acknowledge that it's something for others but not me.


Those apps are not good mentally, for your confidence and worth. They are very useless apps that serve no real purpose other than to make you feel like garbage. You'll meet someone, usually in a strange setting. I met my current gf on Twitter and Discord. We've been together almost four years and we're now living together. 

Moral of the sotry: Don't force it. Most of all, don't put yourself in drama magnet situations with strangers.


----------



## MFB

The system is fucked and because I'm a glutton for punishment, checked the OKC this morning and this thicc typical 'nerd' chick hit me up, so I'm giving that a chance but don't foresee myself getting more matches like that, so I'm gonna do my best to keep it in the back of my mind.


----------



## bostjan

MFB said:


> It's easy to say you're not missing out on an experience after you've had it yourself. As much as you might say it's over hyped, the point is you got to make that call for yourself.
> 
> I'm 32, and never closed with anyone, and apparently it's not changing any time soon.


I know that no advice I can give will help you feel better, but maybe this perspective can help something?

There are a lot of people out there in the world, and honestly, most of them are dickheads. Men and women, most of them will only be bad for you.

Those aps and services are all out to make money. They honestly don't give half a shit if it makes people's lives better, they only truly care about how they are perceived. And even if they did try to do something to make the world a better place, they probably couldn't manage to do it, because those sorts of things only function if they attract a lot of traffic, which means a lot of people, who are mostly dickheads, so a lot of dickheads have to use the ap/service for it to work. I'm sure I don't have to say the rest.

Since the world is such a toxic place, it's only natural to put up a wall around yourself and isolate from the cloud of poison that's out there. It's lonely in isolation, so you let down that wall, excited to see the sunshine and take a big breath of fresh air - except all there is out there is pollution, so you end up huffing in a lung full of sulfur and instead of the sunshine you just see the ugliness that's out there.

So it starts a cycle.

There is another way. You filter it out, instead of just blocking it. Stay loyal to those around you who are loyal to you. If anyone is a dickhead to you and provides you with nothing positive, say goodbye and move on. It's not always easy. Maybe you feel stuck in a situation. But a lot of times the reason you are stuck is just that you feel stuck. If there are other roadblocks, take a minute to think about the sacrifices necessary to overcome those roadblocks versus what you are likely sacrificing by not doing anything.

Which is worse, being lonely, or being surrounded by dickheads? I tell you what, you'll never feel as lonely as you do when you're locked in a room all day with people who hate and abuse you. So it's a trick question.

But there are good people out there. I honestly have no idea how you find them. Seems they just pop up out of nowhere when you don't expect it. I'm skeptical that any "method" works.

People often say that you find the right person when you are focusing on bettering yourself. I think it's just better to work on bettering yourself and it's useless "trying" to find the right person. So, if your odds of finding the right person are one in one million, whether you are actively looking or not, I guess that advice is pretty good. But there is no guarantee you'll ever find a good person with whom to share 100% of your life.

And if you just want to get your beak wet in the pool, that's fine, too, but just keep in mind how much of a trainwreck the average person is. If you get sucked into a toxic person's toxic life, you will become damaged by it. If it happens too much, you'll just end up like all of the toxic people out there.


----------



## nightflameauto

jaxadam said:


> One had a major hang up about her knees (her knees for crying out loud)


Clearly, she used to lurk HCAF. Clearly. (Pointy knees!)


----------



## jaxadam

nightflameauto said:


> Clearly, she used to lurk HCAF. Clearly. (Pointy knees!)



I need to go scrounge up a pic of her, this chick was a 9.875 and she was worried about her knees. No one in the fucking world would notice her knees. Knees. It was brutal dating her man, I mean everywhere we went she got enormous amounts of attention. We would go to dinner and shit and other guys at other tables would buy her drinks and tell me politely they just wanted to let me know I had a beautiful girlfriend. I mean, it made my life easier financially but honestly it’s just a total pain going everywhere and getting all of that attention and having to borderline buck up when the sun went down.


----------



## MFB

jaxadam said:


> I need to go scrounge up a pic of her, this chick was a 9.875 and she was worried about her knees. No one in the fucking world would notice her knees. Knees. It was brutal dating her man, I mean everywhere we went she got enormous amounts of attention. We would go to dinner and shit and other guys at other tables would buy her drinks and tell me politely they just wanted to let me know I had a beautiful girlfriend. I mean, it made my life easier financially but honestly it’s just a total pain going everywhere and getting all of that attention and having to borderline buck up when the sun went down.



I honestly thought you were going to spin this into a variation on Steve Martin's "Girl With No Neck" bit when you mentioned going out to dinner


----------



## jaxadam

MFB said:


> I honestly thought you were going to spin this into a variation on Steve Martin's "Girl With No Neck" bit when you mentioned going out to dinner



I’m gonna try to kill two birds with one stone and try to find a pic of her knees. She would talk about that shit all the time and try to show me what she was talking about and I just never saw what she saw. But she was a foodie and liked to cook so that was way better than peanut m & m’s, a baked potato, and 5 Long Island iced teas with major anger issues.


----------



## Drew

wheresthefbomb said:


> I see where you're coming from here and agree to an extent, but the serial format novel did not have a massive machine-learning algorithm behind it learning and then shaping people's consumer habits in real time.
> 
> What we face today is entirely unprecedented in that regard. I say this as someone with addictive personality traits, I have dopamine seeking behavior like fuck and I know a fix when I see one.


Ok, but the fact we're getting better at it is also new - consider the serial TV show vs the serial novel format. Idunno. It's easy to bash technology as putting more barriers in place between interpersonal communication, but, one, every generation has said the same about the technologies of their day and we seem to be doing ok, and two, every generation also downplays the way that technological advances also offer _increased_ avenues for communication as well - the very fact we're able to have this conversation, for one.

I think it's awfully easy to make technology a scapegoat, and in doing so understrates a lot of the good it can also do.


----------



## lurè

MFB said:


> Deleted Tinder
> Deleted OKCupid
> Deleted Feeld
> Deleted Snapchat
> Deleted Coffee Meets Bagel
> 
> It's been about a week of at most for some of those apps, and honestly, in hindsight this whole thing just feels like it was a terrible mistake; I had one small opportunity that went to my head and suddenly thought I was someone who could be a piece of manmeat when the reality is that the women get to decide if you are or not. It's always been that way but since I never tried to play the game, I couldn't have known. Physically, I'm not what the women I'd want to be with are after, and the women who want me aren't what I'm after, so there's no point in continuing. It's all based on a first impression, and everyone is paying the system so there's no such thing as chance anymore, it's all pre-screenings.
> 
> So I'm gonna go back to some of my old ways, continue hitting the gym and rather than try to ignore sex and the lack of, just acknowledge that it's something for others but not me.


I dont want to sound like an incel, but I honestly blame this kind of apps and social media in general to have built anrealistic expectations of what knowing another man/girl actually is. 
I find myself looking at people addicted to this kind of stuff investing an enormous amount of effort/energy and money trying to depict themselves as someone, when they really are the opposite. I know people that cure like crazy their bio/pics on 4234234 apps and social when they really cant spell a word correctly and are unable to have a face to face conversation.

It's becoming really hard to just know people as they really are and all these apps are like doing the opposite of what they claim to do.


----------



## TedEH

lurè said:


> anrealistic expectations


In some fairness, unrealistic expectations have always been how it is. Look at pretty much all of our cultural / art output -> it's all love stories and romance, etc. It's _always_ been the case that we narratively dwell on the successes, but in reality, as with anything else, the failures are way more common. Most of my own most soul-crushing dating failures were cases where my expectations were just way out of sync with reality.



MFB said:


> the same fun that everyone else did


I'd be willing to bet that tons of people have had much less fun than you might think they did.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

TedEH said:


> In some fairness, unrealistic expectations have always been how it is. Look at pretty much all of our cultural / art output -> it's all love stories and romance, etc. It's _always_ been the case that we narratively dwell on the successes, but in reality, as with anything else, the failures are way more common. Most of my own most soul-crushing dating failures were cases where my expectations were just way out of sync with reality.
> 
> 
> I'd be willing to bet that tons of people have had much less fun than you might think they did.



While I agree largely with what @lurè is saying, I also think these are super important points. We have a lot of narrow representations for what "A Relationship" looks like, and they unfortunately are pretty divorced from reality. 

I can look back at my last four serious relationships and identify points at which My unrealistic expectations led me to be unhappy in the relationship. I'm sure that each of my partners could say the same, as I'm sure most people who've ever been a relationship could if they take a serious inventory.


----------



## Millul

wheresthefbomb said:


> While I agree largely with what @lurè is saying, I also think these are super important points. We have a lot of narrow representations for what "A Relationship" looks like, and they unfortunately are pretty divorced from reality.
> 
> I can look back at my last four serious relationships and identify points at which My unrealistic expectations led me to be unhappy in the relationship. I'm sure that each of my partners could say the same, as I'm sure most people who've ever been a relationship could if they take a serious inventory.


The use of the word "divorced" here, is simply sublime.


----------



## CanserDYI

Not going to lie, I'm sorry for you guys who have to date and look for mates in this culture and society we have right now. Genuinely.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

Millul said:


> The use of the word "divorced" here, is simply sublime.



If I can't get a job with my degree, I can at least convince people online that I am a cunning linguist.


----------



## CanserDYI

wheresthefbomb said:


> If I can't get a job with my degree, I can at least convince people online that I am a cunning linguist.


I see what you did there, pervert.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

CanserDYI said:


> Not going to lie, I'm sorry for you guys who have to date and look for mates in this culture and society we have right now. Genuinely.


The "society" we have now is a total joke. It's dysfunctional and anti-social.


----------



## MFB

I'm a glutten for punishment apparently and you can check OKC online, I tried making something work with the thicc chick but I don't think it's going to; she's hella slow to respond so unless she's just constantly busy, she doesn't really want it that bad. I have one other match I'm gonna throw a hail mary on as she seems down to clown FO SHO, but also says her pics are outdated by about 50lbs so 

I should also note, I still have a line out on the nurse-wife, that one is fair game to me, and I'm seeing it through. There was an incident last week where the reality of "she has someone else at home, so you're allowed to have your main piece too" set in, so that makes things easier now. I had a workout today where I was able to spin a motivation joke into her sending me nudes, and boy did that feel good.


----------



## jaxadam

MFB said:


> but also says her pics are outdated by about 50lbs so



That doesn’t make her any less of a person…. That just makes her more of a person!


----------



## MFB

jaxadam said:


> That doesn’t make her any less of a person…. That just makes her more of a person!



Yeah, it's weird as everyone wears weight differently (speaking from experience) but I'm not anti-thicc by any means.

I sent her a message yesterday morning, so if that doesn't get anything then it's right to 10 and seeing if she needs cheeks clapped  One of her things says "we can watch hardcore BDSM porn and re-enact it" and I'm gonna call her on her bluff.


----------



## jaxadam

MFB said:


> Yeah, it's weird as everyone wears weight differently (speaking from experience) but I'm not anti-thicc by any means.
> 
> I sent her a message yesterday morning, so if that doesn't get anything then it's right to 10 and seeing if she needs cheeks clapped  One of her things says "we can watch hardcore BDSM porn and re-enact it" and I'm gonna call her on her bluff.



Careful with that one. I tried that once with this dyslexic chick and she got dressed up like a cop and told me she was going to give me an IUD and I said isn't that gonna hurt!?!


----------



## MFB

It's not my ideal play, but hey, I work with the card I'm given


----------



## MFB

OK, so like, don't hate me cause I didn't plan this.

I got laid and the V-card is gone. The woman was great, we smoked some pot, gave each other what we wanted, had some laughs after, dynamite all around. It's not the nurse either.

But she was married, and dropped that on the way over. I was single going in, I'll be single if shit hits the fan. But that's the reality, I was a side piece for a little romp.

So yeah. More of that please.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

Went home with my former partner last night, stayed up way too late fooling around. I'm not sure what we're doing but I decided not to overthink it. Feeling pretty good about my choices today. I missed her a fucking lot and it seems pretty mutual. I know I'm in a much healthier place than when we split. 




MFB said:


> OK, so like, don't hate me cause I didn't plan this.
> 
> I got laid and the V-card is gone. The woman was great, we smoked some pot, gave each other what we wanted, had some laughs after, dynamite all around. It's not the nurse either.
> 
> But she was married, and dropped that on the way over. I was single going in, I'll be single if shit hits the fan. But that's the reality, I was a side piece for a little romp.
> 
> So yeah. More of that please.



No judgement. Sounds like everybody got what they wanted, and to be honest I think 90%+ of people have WAY less cool/enjoyable first times than that. 

I have my own feelings on cheating but broadly feel that people aren't possessions and there are a lot of reasons a person might be stepping outside their relationship that aren't for me to judge.


----------



## MFB

Looking back on it, I'm kicking myself for not having moved the nightstand after she mentioned it, as we were literally fumbling around in the dark  In my head it was just like, we'll be fine, it won't prevent us from doing this, but it certainly would have made it better; she was a cutie and to have the two of just romping in the dark, seems like a waste. So that's getting moved for when the nurse visits, as I want to get some of the things we were trying right.

I told her when she left that door's open if she wants to hit me up, but I'm not expecting anything, just a "hey, you were a nice guy and I'll give everyone a fair chance to seal the deal if they can." She actually msg'd me while I was in the movies, and there was a dude in the row behind me, and I think I kind of ruined it for him (there was like 4 of us in the theater) even with my screen at like zero brightness.

But yeah, still no shame in it on my end, just some things that in the moment you aren't thinking straight and you realize what would've made it better etc.


----------



## RevDrucifer

MFB said:


> OK, so like, don't hate me cause I didn't plan this.
> 
> I got laid and the V-card is gone. The woman was great, we smoked some pot, gave each other what we wanted, had some laughs after, dynamite all around. It's not the nurse either.
> 
> But she was married, and dropped that on the way over. I was single going in, I'll be single if shit hits the fan. But that's the reality, I was a side piece for a little romp.
> 
> So yeah. More of that please.



Oh shit, dude, this was your first time?! I suppose I just realized I have no clue how old you are or really know anything personal about you. 

Well, congrats!

I’m not sure I would have called it off if I found out while she was en route, despite all I’ve said about not being the other dude previously. If it were before she left, before plans were made, most likely, but once plans are in place and my brain settles on something, it’s pretty much stuck there.


----------



## ArtDecade

MFB said:


> OK, so like, don't hate me cause I didn't plan this.
> 
> I got laid and the V-card is gone. The woman was great, we smoked some pot, gave each other what we wanted, had some laughs after, dynamite all around. It's not the nurse either.
> 
> But she was married, and dropped that on the way over. I was single going in, I'll be single if shit hits the fan. But that's the reality, I was a side piece for a little romp.
> 
> So yeah. More of that please.


Glad you all had a blast!


----------



## MFB

RevDrucifer said:


> Oh shit, dude, this was your first time?! I suppose I just realized I have no clue how old you are or really know anything personal about you.
> 
> Well, congrats!
> 
> I’m not sure I would have called it off if I found out while she was en route, despite all I’ve said about not being the other dude previously. If it were before she left, before plans were made, most likely, but once plans are in place and my brain settles on something, it’s pretty much stuck there.



Yeah, it's well over-due as I'm fucking 32 years old, but with my background it's not entirely unsurprising. The long and short of it is:

- Parents divorced
- Grew up as a latchkey kid along with my brother (4 years older), no one around to really stop me from just being a glutton after school if I wanted to be (and what kid WOULDN'T want to be?)
- Saw porn when I was like ...11 because at the time, my brother got a hold of it, and that door was open
- As a fat teen, it was like, alright well if no one wants to go out with me, this thing can never say no to me, so I guess this'll hold me over
- Unbeknownst to me, I also developed a huge sense of body dysmorphia/imposter syndrome if a woman may give me the eye because all I know is from porn, which equates to "only beautiful people have sex, and I'm not them, so this isn't for me"
- On the plus side, I developed a shit ton of game because I could throw out the lines that other guys would but because of how I physically looked and how I mentally thought of myself, I knew I wasn't a threat so I could get away with it and just be funny.
- Didn't make any real attempts to date after my last "relationship" at 20, and that was about 3 weeks long, and really wasn't even anything but it happened so like, I count it? The last time I made an "attempt" was in 2018 when I gave a friend of a friend my number since she seemed like she was into me, but I was wrong.

2020 until now was when the majority of progress was made, I had lost about 30lbs prior to that when I started going to the gym but I was still fucking myself over caloricly. Once I went liquid diet, protein shakes, etc, I dropped another 60lbs to where I am now hovering around 230 at 5'11 and hitting the gym 5-6 nights a week. So now I'm playing catch-up to where everyone else is, willing to entertain a decent amount of what comes my way (again, I lost 100lbs and keep myself to the shape I do know, so I want someone RELATIVELY close to where I am now, not just trolls), and not let too many wires get crossed along the way.

And yeah, once she was on her way, shit was going down, married or not


----------



## RevDrucifer

It’s been an interesting couple of months for me; my last relationship ended 3-4 months ago and at that point I said “ya know what? I haven’t been single for longer than 9 months since I was 20, so why don’t I give that a shot for a while?” and I’ve been enjoying it, mostly. 

I’m much more enthusiastic towards life in general when I’m single. I think I just get complacent/content in a relationship and stop thinking about the outside world as much. I’m in a great mood 99% of the time these days, even when work is kicking my ass. 

That said, this is the longest I’ve gone without getting laid since high school and while that sounds so trivial, it’s made me realize how much our lizard brains still have an effect on us. It’s not that I‘m perving out on women, I’ve just found my interactions to be a bit more flirtatious than they normally would be and I’ve had to really censor myself around a couple of friends who I’ve had a flirty friendship with because I don’t want things crossing any lines with them. 

While I deleted all the dating apps from my phone months ago, I forgot I still had a profile on FB dating until I got a notification someone Liked my profile. When I checked out who it was, all my “I want to be single thoughts” rushed out of me instantly because the woman is beautiful and right up my alley. Thankfully, I didn’t respond to it right away. I’m terrible with ‘playing the field’. I either do the one night stand thing, hook up with a friend for a while or end up in long term relationships. Neither of which I really want to do right now….but I’d also like to shut my lizard brain up and I won’t pay for ass.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

Like, first first time? I thought you were in your like 20s or 30s?


----------



## MFB

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Like, first first time? I thought you were in your like 20s or 30s?



Yeah man, again, not proud of it but look a couple posts back and see how the pieces fell into place for me and you'll see why


----------



## RevDrucifer

MFB said:


> Yeah, it's well over-due as I'm fucking 32 years old, but with my background it's not entirely unsurprising. The long and short of it is:
> 
> - Parents divorced
> - Grew up as a latchkey kid along with my brother (4 years older), no one around to really stop me from just being a glutton after school if I wanted to be (and what kid WOULDN'T want to be?)
> - Saw porn when I was like ...11 because at the time, my brother got a hold of it, and that door was open
> - As a fat teen, it was like, alright well if no one wants to go out with me, this thing can never say no to me, so I guess this'll hold me over
> - Unbeknownst to me, I also developed a huge sense of body dysmorphia/imposter syndrome if a woman may give me the eye because all I know is from porn, which equates to "only beautiful people have sex, and I'm not them, so this isn't for me"
> - On the plus side, I developed a shit ton of game because I could throw out the lines that other guys would but because of how I physically looked and how I mentally thought of myself, I knew I wasn't a threat so I could get away with it and just be funny.
> - Didn't make any real attempts to date after my last "relationship" at 20, and that was about 3 weeks long, and really wasn't even anything but it happened so like, I count it? The last time I made an "attempt" was in 2018 when I gave a friend of a friend my number since she seemed like she was into me, but I was wrong.
> 
> 2020 until now was when the majority of progress was made, I had lost about 30lbs prior to that when I started going to the gym but I was still fucking myself over caloricly. Once I went liquid diet, protein shakes, etc, I dropped another 60lbs to where I am now hovering around 230 at 5'11 and hitting the gym 5-6 nights a week. So now I'm playing catch-up to where everyone else is, willing to entertain a decent amount of what comes my way (again, I lost 100lbs and keep myself to the shape I do know, so I want someone RELATIVELY close to where I am now, not just trolls), and not let too many wires get crossed along the way.
> 
> And yeah, once she was on her way, shit was going down, married or not



Good for you, man! Keep it up! 

I can see how that’d play out, for sure. Hahahah, I also saw porn fairly young (except mine was in paper form!) and then had a computer in my bedroom in ‘96 or ‘97 when I was 15….so yeah, I was exposed to a LOT of porn early on.  And 90’s Howard Stern, which is almost the same.

I‘m more than sure you’re going to get a little confidence boost after this weekend! Use that energy to keep goin’, man! 

I definitely did the ”whatever comes my way” thing for a long time, especially in my early 20’s. It’s definitely not something I’m willing to do at 39 but not just for superficial reasons. I’ve had a couple exes with weight issues that turned into body dysmorphia, it was a HUGE part of my ex-wife’s mental decline, if not the leading cause of it. So I’m really cautious of getting together with someone struggling with a weight issue, either way that can go. I have a friend who is beautiful but she’s crazily self-conscious about how skinny she is and her actions/words in response to it parallel my ex-wife. The end result is the same. 

While it may be more superficial in our younger years to focus on someone more physically appealing, once you’re in your 30’s and looking down the road, it’s not as superficial as it is not wanting to be with someone who has health issues down the road, mental or physical. Preventable issues, anyway. It also says a lot about someone’s overall motivation in life if they’re willing to do the work to keep their selves in shape. 

Keep having fun, man!


----------



## RevDrucifer

MFB said:


> Yeah man, again, not proud of it but look a couple posts back and see how the pieces fell into place for me and you'll see why



Don’t take it as a character judgement or something to be ashamed of. It’s just the way shit worked out for ya, nothing wrong with that. 

Hell, I’d take back at least 1/3 of the women I’ve slept with if I could. ESPECIALLY the first one.


----------



## MFB

I'm half-heartedly giving OKC another chance, but so far the two women I've actually matched with have been quite underwhelming. I gave them each three days to respond to an opener before sending a follow up as like, "hey, any chance of talking, or like, was that a shit line?" and one responded with potential to turn into something and the other was NOT having it and seemed pretty bitchy.

Unfortunately all dating apps are still incredibly superficial even if you think they won't be, and the numbers are pretty horrid. But the nurse is still in my corner, and I've got another wife who I've been talking to and she said I'm doing quite well with her (I was a little stoned one night and straight up asked how I've been doing ) as she gets a lot of interest that 99% of gets ignored while we're still talking. If I'm going to keep using that one, I need to do something about pics but I'm so apathetic towards being in photos it's the worst.


----------



## jaxadam

RevDrucifer said:


> I also saw porn fairly young (except mine was in paper form!)



Me too. I was probably in middle school and I was visiting my dad for the summer. My mom called and said that one of our German Shepards back home had been hit by a car and killed, and I lost it. 

Well, my dad loved to drink and wasn't much of an emotional type of guy (military) so he just walked in the room, sat on the bed, patted me on the back, and handed me this risque comic that has some pictures of boobs and shit in it, got up, and left. Well, that got my mind off of it pretty quick. My dad may not have been much of a talker or the emotional type, but he was an effective problem solver.


----------



## MFB

It took me up until 2 years ago to realize just how dependent on it I was and how fucked up the relationship I had with it was. It was somehow both the problem and solution, wherein again, I hated my physical self and thought I was undeserving of sex (and just love in general) because the only people I'd see having it were in attractive people in shape because again: no one wants to see ugly people have sex; but because I saw it so early, and as a teen it's so normalized to watch it, there was no fantasizing, it was just, watch porn and rub one out and suddenly the dopamine receptors are off the fucking rails trying to figure out how to keep up.

I started going porn-free back in November of 2020, and I've had long periods where I won't watch - I started this year not watching for ten weeks straight - and even now I've gone almost the whole month since I started decompartmentalizing sex while everyone around me was having it but I was a walking nightmare; and I mean that because I wish someone had honestly showed me how bad it was, at my all time high I was 330lbs and if someone said they wanted me at that, I'd be horrified for them. I know it's easy to say no hates fat people like former fat people, but there's definitely a limit of where you can let yourself get to, and I'm horrified to think about creeping back up even 10-15lbs unless it's bulking muscle.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

RevDrucifer said:


> It’s been an interesting couple of months for me; my last relationship ended 3-4 months ago and at that point I said “ya know what? I haven’t been single for longer than 9 months since I was 20, so why don’t I give that a shot for a while?” and I’ve been enjoying it, mostly.
> 
> I’m much more enthusiastic towards life in general when I’m single. I think I just get complacent/content in a relationship and stop thinking about the outside world as much. I’m in a great mood 99% of the time these days, even when work is kicking my ass.
> 
> That said, this is the longest I’ve gone without getting laid since high school and while that sounds so trivial, it’s made me realize how much our lizard brains still have an effect on us. It’s not that I‘m perving out on women, I’ve just found my interactions to be a bit more flirtatious than they normally would be and I’ve had to really censor myself around a couple of friends who I’ve had a flirty friendship with because I don’t want things crossing any lines with them.
> 
> While I deleted all the dating apps from my phone months ago, I forgot I still had a profile on FB dating until I got a notification someone Liked my profile. When I checked out who it was, all my “I want to be single thoughts” rushed out of me instantly because the woman is beautiful and right up my alley. Thankfully, I didn’t respond to it right away. I’m terrible with ‘playing the field’. I either do the one night stand thing, hook up with a friend for a while or end up in long term relationships. Neither of which I really want to do right now….but I’d also like to shut my lizard brain up and I won’t pay for ass.


She had big jugs, didn't she? That or a supre hot face. I'm voting on "she had big jugs," though! Lol


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

MFB said:


> Yeah man, again, not proud of it but look a couple posts back and see how the pieces fell into place for me and you'll see why


Bro, funny guys can get more pussy than alpha male dominance ever can. Not that you shouldn't better yourself, but hopefully you get the point. I still see myself as ugly and inadequate, but I've still managed to pull a few broads. Thankfully the woman I am with now is worth the hassle of moving from Washington to Indiana.


----------



## MFB

Yeah, and I know/see that now as I'm y'know, actively putting the moves on woman who society says should be off limits but I'm winning them over just with personality; unfortunately I can only do that now because I'm so much closer to being the "me" that I've pictured in my head for so long vs. what I used to be. That's the piece of the puzzle that alluded me for so long. Once I get a conversation with a woman started, I'm legit _in,_ but again, everything is so surface based where if they don't even want to give me that opening then it's never going to happen.

A couple people I've talked have straight up said "well all the genuine connections happen in person" but it's like, do you realize how fucking apprehensive people are to talking in person as strangers? It just doesn't happen, and it's not like I go places where it could happen. I'm at the gym all the time because I'm dedicated now to staying where I've gotten to, and on the nights that I'm not, if I go anywhere it's to the movies. I don't drink so bars are out, unless it's with friends but they all live 30-40 mins north of me, so it'd have to be planned. Besides that it's grocery stores/random places here and there that would just legitimately be pure chance.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

re: RL connections, I remember having a conversation with a touring bluegrass musician a few years ago, I was opening for him and the other guy he was playing with, he said that he almost exclusively meet people at shows/especially after shows, when he's in his performance headspace he is his best, most sociable self. 

I definitely relate to that, I never feel more hot and confident than when I'm playing/just finish a great set and there's implied socialization because people want to talk to the person who was just on stage. 

All of my relationships have started at, or because of, live music in one form or another. Every single one from high school on, even the one fruitful tinder match was a musical connection early on. 

It's hard to generalize because I'm not anyone else, but it seems like there have to be other contexts in which the walls are broken down a little bit making you less potentially threatening.


----------



## mastapimp

jaxadam said:


> I have had straight up 10’s go after me (well, maybe 9.5’s) because I straight ignored them or just didn’t give a fuck, and I’ve poured it on a little too strong to 5’s and been flat out rejected.



Finally catching up to this thread and I just realized that if you grew up or were in Jacksonville in the 90s/2000s, you probably listened to Lex and Terry. They ingrained the "he who cares the least" philosophy into me at the time and I can attest that it works. I've put in zero effort at times and reaped the rewards of that strategy.


----------



## nightflameauto

mastapimp said:


> Finally catching up to this thread and I just realized, that if you grew up or were in Jacksonville in the 90s/2000s, you probably listened to Lex and Terry. They ingrained the "he who cares the least" philosophy into me at the time and I can attest that it works. I've put in zero effort at times and reaped the rewards of that strategy.


A can confirm, this works.

When I was a kid I was a try-harder dude. Always. (Kid being relative. I'd say early twenties here.)

Then one day a friend came and picked me up after a rough day of farming and kept me out until nearly three am. (I got up at 4 AM to milk.)

I was in a "zero fucks" place. DEEP in it. I just wanted to eat something and sit in a corner doing fuck-all while the other ninnies played around.

I got approached by more girls that night than any other time in my life. All of them trying desperately to "draw me out." It was like they couldn't stand the thought of a dude that was just in his own space and was perfectly fine with that. I even had a tag-team couple girls spend about forty minutes trying to pry me out of the booth at the pizza place we went to. When you're literally too tired to move it's tough to give a shit.

Wish I could have emulated that state of "fuck off and leave me be" when I was awake and could actually care about pulling.


----------



## RevDrucifer

jaxadam said:


> Me too. I was probably in middle school and I was visiting my dad for the summer. My mom called and said that one of our German Shepards back home had been hit by a car and killed, and I lost it.
> 
> Well, my dad loved to drink and wasn't much of an emotional type of guy (military) so he just walked in the room, sat on the bed, patted me on the back, and handed me this risque comic that has some pictures of boobs and shit in it, got up, and left. Well, that got my mind off of it pretty quick. My dad may not have been much of a talker or the emotional type, but he was an effective problem solver.



I wasn’t sure which emoji to select!!!  

That’s both hilarious and “Well….shit” at the same time.


----------



## ArtDecade

To be fair, "try hard" and "don't try at all" both work. 
All women aren't built the same - some actually got hugs from their dads.


----------



## MFB

I took the BIGGEST of swings this morning and may have set up an out of state playdate for the next time I'm in NY at the end of Oct. This chick saw a post I made and was like, "Am I too late?" and she fine as fuck, so I told her I'll be back soon but let's keep and touch until then and see if we can't cross paths. 

She seems interested so if this works out, then maybe I'll believe in God after all


----------



## RevDrucifer

Spaced Out Ace said:


> She had big jugs, didn't she? That or a supre hot face. I'm voting on "she had big jugs," though! Lol



Hahahaha fake ones, but I’m a “any more than a handful is a waste” kind of guy. If that was all she had going for her, I wouldn’t have looked twice. 

At least 60% of the profiles down here look like modeling shots, it’s this really weird thing where it’s 60% beautiful women, 30% that DGAF at alllll and 10% average, normal women who aren’t popping their tits out or doing something over the top in the pics. 

I can absolutely see how someone without a lot of confidence would open up one of those apps down here and just say “Fuck this. I’m not even going to try.”


----------



## RevDrucifer

MFB said:


> I took the BIGGEST of swings this morning and may have set up an out of state playdate for the next time I'm in NY at the end of Oct. This chick saw a post I made and was like, "Am I too late?" and she fine as fuck, so I told her I'll be back soon but let's keep and touch until then and see if we can't cross paths.
> 
> She seems interested so if this works out, then maybe I'll believe in God after all



Set ’em up and knock ‘em out!


----------



## MFB

RevDrucifer said:


> Set ’em up and eat ‘em out!



More accurate description of my plans


----------



## jaxadam

ArtDecade said:


> To be fair, "try hard" and "don't try at all" both work.



Nice anecdote, but we are talking about attraction not rejection.


----------



## ArtDecade

jaxadam said:


> Nice anecdote, but we are talking about attraction not rejection.


Am I living in your head rent free?


----------



## jaxadam

ArtDecade said:


> Am I living in your head rent free?



Oh no, I’ve been charging you!


----------



## nightflameauto

jaxadam said:


> Oh no, I’ve been charging you!


ArtDecade strikes me as a deadbeat renter. I'm betting you won't have any trouble keeping that security deposit. He probably trashes the place at least three times a week.


----------



## jaxadam

nightflameauto said:


> ArtDecade strikes me as a deadbeat renter. I'm betting you won't have any trouble keeping that security deposit. He probably trashes the place at least three times a week.



Wait until I post pics from the last welfare checkup we did…


----------



## wheresthefbomb

ArtDecade said:


> To be fair, "try hard" and "don't try at all" both work.
> All women aren't built the same - some actually got hugs from their dads.



I'm fucking lost with women who want/expect me to be distant. Don't like to stereotype but IME it's def been a daddy/parental/but mostly daddy issues thing. I've been in a couple DDLG (you can google it) relationships with women like that and they were all manipulative and abusive due to unreconciled trauma and other shit. Of course that's down to the person to some extent, but I do believe there is substantial overlap in all of the above.

I guess it probably varies based on what a person is looking for as well, but again IME a lot of people think they're looking for a relationship when they're actually just looking for someone to treat them like an object. I could get into a whole rant about why I think that is, but suffice to say I've learned to keep my distance and I don't fuck with women who come at me hot when I'm minding my own.

I'm a lover and I'm here to spread the love. Vulnerability is lit.


----------



## MFB

wheresthefbomb said:


> I've been in a couple DDLG (you can google it) relationships
> 
> I'm a lover and I'm here to spread the love. Vulnerability is lit.



Looking back to that female dom, the whole thing is kind of laughable; like, every message to me had her calling me slave and I had to call her mistress or goddess, and it was like, do you actually believe what I'm saying? If I call you that it should be because you've done something to earn it, just saying it every time doesn't make it true. It loses it's meaning if anything! 

I've had infinitely more good come from being honest/legit with the women I've talked to then by BS'ing them in hopes that it gets me a cheap/easy fuck


----------



## MFB

edit: double post


----------



## wheresthefbomb

MFB said:


> If I call you that it should be because you've done something to earn it, just saying it every time doesn't make it true. It loses it's meaning if anything!



Fucking absolutely. from the other side, often people looking for a "dom" dont actually understand what they're looking for because most male "doms" are just POS fuckbois who found a community that validates their unearned confidence. It's actually really similar to the phenomenon of men wanting their partners to be their mother/caretaker without recognizing it. Giving it a subreddit doesn't make the unaddressed badness go away. 

I took to the role, but I have learned that I absolutely don't trust anyone who wants that in a relationship. That may or may not bear out with reality but is a risk I'm comfy taking.


----------



## TedEH

Well, rather than weigh in on anyone else's goings-on, an update on where I'm at 'cause I feel like expressing it somewhere:

I mentioned a while back that I'd be out of town during the lady friend's birthday. Not the end of the world because I made those plans before we got together and we agreed it was no big deal anyway, 'cause we're in our 30s and birthdays aren't a big deal.

I decided I wanted to do something anyway - and trying the "hide something in her apartment" idea wasn't practical - so I figured I could have something delivered instead. Did some googling, but most things I found seemed sketchy. I figure I can recruit someone to help me out - I messages a friend I know who lives in that same area anyway... no answer. Messaged a couple of other people and got other reasons they couldn't help out (no car this week, etc).

Fast forward to talking to my parents and they insist that they can take care of it. I'm hesitant to task them with it for some reasons, but they insisted. So I give them some very easy instructions - I wanted something dropped off during the day: not a whole cake, but just like a cupcake, and instead of candles, just bring some sparklers (she'll know what it means). Easy. Today is her birthday, and I warned her not to go very far, so she knows something is coming. I had been told I'd get some photos or something so that I can have some input on what gets dropped off, but I heard nothing all day. Gets close to the end of the work day, and I message asking if they know when they're going - to which I get "is something wrong? we'll go after supper". I have no idea when that really means. It's now close to 6:30pm, and I'm very worried that this was a terrible idea and that I've got her hyped up for something that either won't happen or will be dissapointing.

Ugh. I just wanted to do a nice thing.


----------



## TedEH

Aaaaand it's quarter to 7, I finally get an update that they're on the way. There was no photo, so I got no input on the choice, and she's got all of 10 minutes to be prepared for unexpected company. At least they did it.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

I hope it turns out. If it's an unmitigated disaster let her know you attempted to do something for her and it turned ouy less than you'd hoped. Unfortunately, you then have to offer to make up for it when you get back unless you want to hear about it six months from now.


----------



## TedEH

So, here's how it went. When I got the 10 minute warning, I had to give _her_ the 10 minute warning, at which point she goes "wait, there's _people_ coming?" 'cause she thought it was going to be a package delivery or something. At this point she panics and chews me out for sending unexpected company that she doesn't have time to prepare for, despite having told them not to go in. So now that everyone is in panic mode, I have to explain that I tried to get someone to stealth-drop something at the door but that my parents just kinda took over - that I gave them the same instructions but they're not likely to listen. I try to apologize and basically say the same kind of "I tried to do something nice but it didn't work out the way I intended" kind of thing.

Little bit of time passes. I get an apology for the panic. They mercifully listened to my request not to go inside. When they got there, they had picked up my grandmother, so there's now three of them. There were cupcakes, but they were these dairy-free vegan ones for some reason. Which..... alright? Weird choice that I would have veto'd if I was given the option. The sparklers did what they were supposed to, so we got that much. But then they added a bunch of stuff - candies, a card, a puzzle book, there was a gift bag but I didn't see what was in it. I have mixed feelings about it - since this was supposed to be my gesture, but they kinda overshadowed it.

At this point I'm kinda shaken, so I took off for a walk and some coffee to calm down. After the fact, she seems to have appreciated the attempt. But what an awkward way to try to do something nice. I'm sure it'll be funny by the time I get home. Not so funny in the moment though.


----------



## MFB

What's that phrase, the road to hell is paved with good intentions?


----------



## jaxadam

That reminds me of the one time I was dating this chick and every time I looked at her I instantly popped a boner. I mean instantly. She’s all like “I don’t wanna see you anymore, all you want me for is sex blah blah blah”. 

So I go to the doctor and tell him that I’m dating this girl and every time I see her I get an erection so he’s like what’s the problem and I’m like well she broke up with me because of it. So he suggests I just tape my dick to my leg. What a good idea.

A few days go by and I go get her some flowers and a box of chocolates and crap and go knock on her door and when she opened up I kicked her in the face.


----------



## nightflameauto

@TedEH 
Shoulda told your parents you hated this person and are trying to do some very specific stealth revenge. That's the only way I can ever get my parents to do what I want.


----------



## TedEH

I mean, the real big brain move would have been to tell them nothing at all and just come up with an altogether better idea. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


----------



## nightflameauto

TedEH said:


> I mean, the real big brain move would have been to tell them nothing at all and just come up with an altogether better idea. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


As my "affirmation" focused manager once said, "There's no bad ideas. Only bad implementations."

I mean, there's a million ways to argue against that statement, but what the hell. Empty platitudes are important too. I guess. Hmm.


----------



## TedEH

I mean, it fits. If the idea = tiny cakes with sparklers, but the implementation is "have your family show up unannounced to deliver it", then that tracks. I'm thankful that there's an upcoming 3-day weekend I can use to repair all the emotional damage.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> I mean, it fits. If the idea = tiny cakes with sparklers, but the implementation is "have your family show up unannounced to deliver it", then that tracks. I'm thankful that there's an upcoming 3-day weekend I can use to repair all the emotional damage.


Good luck, bro. You may have to watch The Notebook after that shit. Sorry, man.


----------



## nightflameauto

Spaced Out Ace said:


> Good luck, bro. You may have to watch The Notebook after that shit. Sorry, man.


I sometimes like romantic movies, and the Notebook ain't the worst of them. BUT...

There's a 1946 Hudson Straight/Super Six in that movie that makes me giggle. It's exactly like, if not the actual car, the 1946 Hudson I helped dad cut trees out of and rebuild in the 1980s. He sold it well before the movie was made, and I know the guy that bought it repainted it in its original shades, which is what's in the movie.

Awfully tough to trace a car that old though. It's not like it had straight vin numbers between owners when we dug it out of that old pile of junk on that farm all those years ago.

That was a car though. The steel on those was like freakin' armor. Thick as shit. A fender weighed something like two hundred seventy pounds. It was ridiculous. Which is why, when dad wanted to try supe'in it up? It never amounted to much. You could get a carb that'd pour enough gas in it SHOULD accelerate, but the transmission would catch and instead of faster acceleration you'd flood the poor thing. I'd swear you could hear the engine going, "Why?" as it died. LOL.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

I have a pretty deep knowledge of gossip girl lore from watching it repeatedly with my second wife.

It has honestly come in handy a shocking number of times.


----------



## TedEH

Ya know, I can at least say that whatever we end up watching will probably be decently enjoyable. Find y'all a lady (or whatever variety of partner) who has decent taste in entertainment.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

TedEH said:


> Ya know, I can at least say that whatever we end up watching will probably be decently enjoyable. Find y'all a lady (or whatever variety of partner) who has decent taste in entertainment.


Too late. The misses and I are watching Samurai Champloo.


----------



## MFB

I know it's vanilla as hell, but y'all, when you have someone on the other end who's also committed to it, sexting is pretty dope


----------



## nightflameauto

MFB said:


> I know it's vanilla as hell, but y'all, when you have someone on the other end who's also committed to it, sexting is pretty dope


Don't go full Constanza.

"At one point, there will villagers."


----------



## MFB

Welp, tonight was a real high and then a self crippling low. On the one hand, showed up to an event with a decent chance of some action, and successfully pulled it off. 

On the other hand, uh, how do I say this? "Player 3 entered the game" seems a pretty fair assessment. Unfortunately for me, between clearing the chamber just in case, and that info, performance anxiety crept in and only she finished. It was nothing against her, I just fucked up by my own hand (literally) and I know better for next time.

So I think it's safe to say I just found the limit I needed.


----------



## MFB

God fucking damn it, tried to drop a superlike on this chick who dropped Devy, Amon Amarth, Fleshgod Apocalypse, and TBDM in her profile; wrote up a whole intro and the of course when I tried to send it said "profile doesn't exist." 

Just my fucking luck


----------



## MFB

My fucking date with the nurse got cancelled because Aunt Flo is in town; of all the fucking weeks to show up, she came one day before our date!

But we had a conversation about it and said we stick to the script, since there's no way we could meet and not try to put the moves on each other, so we're waiting for the all clear to proceed.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

MFB said:


> My fucking date with the nurse got cancelled because Aunt Flo is in town; of all the fucking weeks to show up, she came one day before our date!
> 
> But we had a conversation about it and said we stick to the script, since there's no way we could meet and not try to put the moves on each other, so we're waiting for the all clear to proceed.



assuming the lady is down, a little extra bodily fluid has never stopped me. not every lady is down for that, though.


----------



## MFB

Nah, she might be kinky but not in that way, and I usually get out of the water when the red tide rolls in, so I don't want that to be our first time together after everything leading up to it.

But I have a chick who's coming over tonight, and we'll see each other as soon as we can (again).


----------



## MFB

Woo, lady #3 came and went tonight, big B is doing alright in that department apparently. I might not be a member of Disturbed, but I am down with some thiccness.


----------



## MFB

Something has felt off this week, and I'm pretty sure I'm getting ghosted by the nurse since we haven't spoken since Monday night, and up until this point we've talked almost every day since first connecting. Guess we'll see between now and Saturday.


----------



## MFB

Well, did some looking online and found I was blocked on the app we've been talking through, so I guess that one is dead before it ever really began, and it feels pretty fucking bad.


----------



## thebeesknees22

lol sorry dude..

Here's a bandaid for that wound. 






get back in the saddle! You'll feel better before ya know it!


----------



## nightflameauto

MFB said:


> Well, did some looking online and found I was blocked on the app we've been talking through, so I guess that one is dead before it ever really began, and it feels pretty fucking bad.


I remember how gutting being ghosted was back when I was eligible. I can only imagine how much "better" it feels having the gut-punch of a known block on a site to go with it. Condolences and commiseration, bro.


----------



## MFB

The shittiest thing is like, the app we've been texting on has an icon for Sent, Delivered, and Read - and when you get blocked, your message just says as "Delivered," but never changes to "Read." So I knew something was up when she hadn't checked any of my messages after Monday, like, that's never happened.

I sent her a message on A.M. just to see if she'd offer any explanation, but I'm expecting nothing to come of it, I just had to do it for my own mentality of saying "I tried." I just don't get how someone can spend that much time, say all those things, and then cut and run. Like, you really got nothing out of it too?


----------



## mastapimp

MFB said:


> The shittiest thing is like, the app we've been texting on has an icon for Sent, Delivered, and Read - and when you get blocked, your message just says as "Delivered," but never changes to "Read." So I knew something was up when she hadn't checked any of my messages after Monday, like, that's never happened.
> 
> I sent her a message on A.M. just to see if she'd offer any explanation, but I'm expecting nothing to come of it, I just had to do it for my own mentality of saying "I tried." I just don't get how someone can spend that much time, say all those things, and then cut and run. Like, you really got nothing out of it too?


Best thing you can do is move on and emotionally detach yourself from the situation. If you've just been talking, consider yourself lucky that it didn't go further where you'd be taking even more of a hit. There's 100 reasons why you may have been blocked, and some might have nothing to do with you, but reaching out to somebody that blocked you through another channel is just going to piss them off more.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

Still seeing my most recent ex pretty regularly, I think it's safe to say the "ex" no longer applies. We had a long talk last night about what wasn't working the last time around that felt really good. We are definitely both in better places mentally than when we split.



MFB said:


> I just don't get how someone can spend that much time, say all those things, and then cut and run. Like, you really got nothing out of it too?



I've been learning in recent years that's become pretty standard.

I remember even a couple years ago being super gutted at stuff like that. Now it just rolls off because I've gotten a better handle on my expectations.

Get back out there and give the world your slutty best!


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

MFB said:


> Well, did some looking online and found I was blocked on the app we've been talking through, so I guess that one is dead before it ever really began, and it feels pretty fucking bad.


If I may give you some insight, what LIKELY happened (thought I don't know for sure), is this broad was using you as a backup to a more "preferable" piece of dick. You don't want someone like that, though frankly I think you're playing with fire in general. The thought process behind these broads is, "Well, if this guy falls through or ghosts me, I always have a lineup of sausage to ride to Salamiville." As dehumanizing as it is, there are backups to the backups.


----------



## MFB

Don't get me wrong, the thought has crept in and it may be the truth, but at the same time it would fly in the face of some of the other stuff she said as; she had told me she had had a few other hookups during this ENM situation, but they just never clicked which is why she was looking for someone long term when we started talking. But then again, I ended up blocked for whatever reason so maybe when she said that, THAT was the bullshit and she was just looking for someone to dick her down? Seems like it'd be a weird play to say she's in a similar situation to myself when that'd be putting her at a disadvantage to get what she wanted.

It's also not like I wanted to wait this long to meet, I tried meeting up three weeks ago but our schedules didn't line up, so there was nothing I could do, nor could she.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

Spaced Out Ace said:


> If I may give you some insight, what LIKELY happened (thought I don't know for sure), is this broad was using you as a backup to a more "preferable" piece of dick. You don't want someone like that, though frankly I think you're playing with fire in general. The thought process behind these broads is, "Well, if this guy falls through or ghosts me, I always have a lineup of sausage to ride to Salamiville." As dehumanizing as it is, there are backups to the backups.



Yeah this. Lotta thirsty dudes out there, many more desperate than you/than you would believe. Dating apps have become pretty reliable sources of cheap validation and dopamine hits if you're a reasonably attractive woman. It's pretty low effort to string dudes along for a week or two raking in the validation meanwhile.

I remember a few years back being really broken up about getting ghosted by this woman who I met while I was bartending (mistake #1) who was also a bartender (mistake #2) and I realized from her FB presence and the dudes commenting that she was building up a stable of thirsty dudes to come buy drinks from her. I respect the hustle, that's the world we live in, but I don't even drink and wasn't _that_ thirsty. I deleted her number and moved on.

It actually came back around in a hilarious way, she texted me months later asking why her friend wasn't allowed into my bar. Since I'd deleted her number I didn't recognize the text, I'd also gotten a new phone in the interim and hit her with an absolutely flawless, unironic "new phone who this?"

Her friend had no ID, which she knew, she thought she was gonna try some hot girl shit with me but little did she know I'm at least 80% hot girl on a good day and that was a good fucking day. Oh, how the turntables.


----------



## MFB

Well she opened the message and promptly deleted her AM account, so I can at least get some satisfaction from that, but I would've rather this whole situation not come to that in the first place.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

wheresthefbomb said:


> Yeah this. Lotta thirsty dudes out there, many more desperate than you/than you would believe. Dating apps have become pretty reliable sources of cheap validation and dopamine hits if you're a reasonably attractive woman. It's pretty low effort to string dudes along for a week or two raking in the validation meanwhile.
> 
> I remember a few years back being really broken up about getting ghosted by this woman who I met while I was bartending (mistake #1) who was also a bartender (mistake #2) and I realized from her FB presence and the dudes commenting that she was building up a stable of thirsty dudes to come buy drinks from her. I respect the hustle, that's the world we live in, but I don't even drink and wasn't _that_ thirsty. I deleted her number and moved on.
> 
> It actually came back around in a hilarious way, she texted me months later asking why her friend wasn't allowed into my bar. Since I'd deleted her number I didn't recognize the text, I'd also gotten a new phone in the interim and hit her with an absolutely flawless, unironic "new phone who this?"
> 
> Her friend had no ID, which she knew, she thought she was gonna try some hot girl shit with me but little did she know I'm at least 80% hot girl on a good day and that was a good fucking day. Oh, how the turntables.


LOL. She swung and missed wildly. It'll be funny when these broads hit the wall, which they likely will quite hard, and wonder what happened.


----------



## RevDrucifer

I’ve run into some ‘fun’ ones recently- 

I’m very much enjoying being single and I don’t mean single as in “I’m seeing some chicks but taking my time.”, I mean, “I don’t want a girlfriend, I‘m very content with my life right now and don’t want anyone fucking it up, namely myself.” I very much realize at this point that I need to learn how to set healthy boundaries up of what I’m willing to tolerate in my life if I’m going to consider a relationship again and I’m not there yet, no where close.

I’ve been better at responding to text messages and not leaving my friends waiting 3 days for replies, but it’s also kicked up a similar situation with two of my female friends who recently expressed interest in dating me. I’ve never even considered them romantically, but if things were different for me and I weren’t in the process of unfucking myself, I wouldn’t be entirely opposed to dating either of them. But I made it bluntly clear to both of them-

“I do not want to be in a relationship right now, I don’t belong in one. It’d be unfair to the other person and unfair to myself. Until I learn how to maintain proper boundaries in my life, I’m keeping a wall up because I’ve fucked myself over too many times in the past. I don’t care if I don’t get laid for another year, my stance won’t be changing any time soon.”

I might as well have said “I challenge you to convince me to be in a relationship with you.” to both of them. And this is EXACTLY what I’m talking about with healthy boundaries because in the past, I would have allowed them to guilt me into a relationship, I‘ve done it enough in the past to know better. 

One of them is very forward and the other thinks she’s being clever, but BOTH of them very clearly believe they’re going to make me change my mind. While there’s an aspect of it that’s very flattering, I can’t help but to feel a bit offended that they’re both completely ignoring my words. 

The forward one has been wanting to hook up since before she made it clear she was interested in me as a boyfriend but I won’t do it. I’d LOVE to, I’m fuckin’ dyin’ right now as I’m hitting month 6 without getting laid, but I know exactly what will happen and said as much to her, doubling down on my stance-

“I promise you that you will end up feeling used and I will feel like I’m using you. You want a relationship, I do not. I will not get emotionally attached to you in any kind of way if we sleep together because that’s just not where my head is. I don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

Her reply-

“You wouldn’t be using me, you’d be enjoying me.”



Initially, I thought it was just hubris on their part, thinking they could entice me with teasing pics or showing up at work to drop food off for me out of the blue, but now I’m seeing that they both have a horribly low self-esteem and if they didn’t, they wouldn’t be putting themselves directly in the line of fire of heartache. 

I’ve been good about not engaging when they’ve started getting into the more sexually charged stuff, but man, THAT is not easy for me. Especially when I‘ve had a few drinks in me, but I’ve done damn good considering my past. Unfortunately, it only seems to make them up the ante. 

This is very much like putting drugs in front of an addict in recovery, while I wouldn’t consider myself a sex addict, my past is filled with instances of me hooking up with someone just because that was my measure of worth and the situations I got myself into were almost ALWAYS unhealthy ones or ones that came with repercussions. It wasn’t sex I was addicted to, it was obtaining my self-worth from outside sources and since my self-worth was non-existent, I would get it anywhere I could, no matter how shitty the situation was. THAT is what I’m trying to put an end to.


----------



## nightflameauto

RevDrucifer said:


> I’ve run into some ‘fun’ ones recently-
> 
> I’m very much enjoying being single and I don’t mean single as in “I’m seeing some chicks but taking my time.”, I mean, “I don’t want a girlfriend, I‘m very content with my life right now and don’t want anyone fucking it up, namely myself.” I very much realize at this point that I need to learn how to set healthy boundaries up of what I’m willing to tolerate in my life if I’m going to consider a relationship again and I’m not there yet, no where close.
> 
> I’ve been better at responding to text messages and not leaving my friends waiting 3 days for replies, but it’s also kicked up a similar situation with two of my female friends who recently expressed interest in dating me. I’ve never even considered them romantically, but if things were different for me and I weren’t in the process of unfucking myself, I wouldn’t be entirely opposed to dating either of them. But I made it bluntly clear to both of them-
> 
> “I do not want to be in a relationship right now, I don’t belong in one. It’d be unfair to the other person and unfair to myself. Until I learn how to maintain proper boundaries in my life, I’m keeping a wall up because I’ve fucked myself over too many times in the past. I don’t care if I don’t get laid for another year, my stance won’t be changing any time soon.”
> 
> I might as well have said “I challenge you to convince me to be in a relationship with you.” to both of them. And this is EXACTLY what I’m talking about with healthy boundaries because in the past, I would have allowed them to guilt me into a relationship, I‘ve done it enough in the past to know better.
> 
> One of them is very forward and the other thinks she’s being clever, but BOTH of them very clearly believe they’re going to make me change my mind. While there’s an aspect of it that’s very flattering, I can’t help but to feel a bit offended that they’re both completely ignoring my words.
> 
> The forward one has been wanting to hook up since before she made it clear she was interested in me as a boyfriend but I won’t do it. I’d LOVE to, I’m fuckin’ dyin’ right now as I’m hitting month 6 without getting laid, but I know exactly what will happen and said as much to her, doubling down on my stance-
> 
> “I promise you that you will end up feeling used and I will feel like I’m using you. You want a relationship, I do not. I will not get emotionally attached to you in any kind of way if we sleep together because that’s just not where my head is. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
> 
> Her reply-
> 
> “You wouldn’t be using me, you’d be enjoying me.”
> 
> 
> 
> Initially, I thought it was just hubris on their part, thinking they could entice me with teasing pics or showing up at work to drop food off for me out of the blue, but now I’m seeing that they both have a horribly low self-esteem and if they didn’t, they wouldn’t be putting themselves directly in the line of fire of heartache.
> 
> I’ve been good about not engaging when they’ve started getting into the more sexually charged stuff, but man, THAT is not easy for me. Especially when I‘ve had a few drinks in me, but I’ve done damn good considering my past. Unfortunately, it only seems to make them up the ante.
> 
> This is very much like putting drugs in front of an addict in recovery, while I wouldn’t consider myself a sex addict, my past is filled with instances of me hooking up with someone just because that was my measure of worth and the situations I got myself into were almost ALWAYS unhealthy ones or ones that came with repercussions. It wasn’t sex I was addicted to, it was obtaining my self-worth from outside sources and since my self-worth was non-existent, I would get it anywhere I could, no matter how shitty the situation was. THAT is what I’m trying to put an end to.


Base on this, and this alone, I would say you'll want to stay far, FAR away from them when it comes to relationships in the future for the simple fact that neither one of them actually see what you said as what you meant. They either think they can "fix" you into not feeling that way, or they think you're trying to give them the opposite message you want them to hear. It expresses a fundamental lack of respect on their part, just based on what you're saying here and not knowing their actual opinion.

Either way? I'd nope hard. Communication starts with listening, and it seems neither one is up for that.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

RevDrucifer said:


> I’ve run into some ‘fun’ ones recently-
> 
> I’m very much enjoying being single and I don’t mean single as in “I’m seeing some chicks but taking my time.”, I mean, “I don’t want a girlfriend, I‘m very content with my life right now and don’t want anyone fucking it up, namely myself.” I very much realize at this point that I need to learn how to set healthy boundaries up of what I’m willing to tolerate in my life if I’m going to consider a relationship again and I’m not there yet, no where close.
> 
> I’ve been better at responding to text messages and not leaving my friends waiting 3 days for replies, but it’s also kicked up a similar situation with two of my female friends who recently expressed interest in dating me. I’ve never even considered them romantically, but if things were different for me and I weren’t in the process of unfucking myself, I wouldn’t be entirely opposed to dating either of them. But I made it bluntly clear to both of them-
> 
> “I do not want to be in a relationship right now, I don’t belong in one. It’d be unfair to the other person and unfair to myself. Until I learn how to maintain proper boundaries in my life, I’m keeping a wall up because I’ve fucked myself over too many times in the past. I don’t care if I don’t get laid for another year, my stance won’t be changing any time soon.”
> 
> I might as well have said “I challenge you to convince me to be in a relationship with you.” to both of them. And this is EXACTLY what I’m talking about with healthy boundaries because in the past, I would have allowed them to guilt me into a relationship, I‘ve done it enough in the past to know better.
> 
> One of them is very forward and the other thinks she’s being clever, but BOTH of them very clearly believe they’re going to make me change my mind. While there’s an aspect of it that’s very flattering, I can’t help but to feel a bit offended that they’re both completely ignoring my words.
> 
> The forward one has been wanting to hook up since before she made it clear she was interested in me as a boyfriend but I won’t do it. I’d LOVE to, I’m fuckin’ dyin’ right now as I’m hitting month 6 without getting laid, but I know exactly what will happen and said as much to her, doubling down on my stance-
> 
> “I promise you that you will end up feeling used and I will feel like I’m using you. You want a relationship, I do not. I will not get emotionally attached to you in any kind of way if we sleep together because that’s just not where my head is. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
> 
> Her reply-
> 
> “You wouldn’t be using me, you’d be enjoying me.”
> 
> 
> 
> Initially, I thought it was just hubris on their part, thinking they could entice me with teasing pics or showing up at work to drop food off for me out of the blue, but now I’m seeing that they both have a horribly low self-esteem and if they didn’t, they wouldn’t be putting themselves directly in the line of fire of heartache.
> 
> I’ve been good about not engaging when they’ve started getting into the more sexually charged stuff, but man, THAT is not easy for me. Especially when I‘ve had a few drinks in me, but I’ve done damn good considering my past. Unfortunately, it only seems to make them up the ante.
> 
> This is very much like putting drugs in front of an addict in recovery, while I wouldn’t consider myself a sex addict, my past is filled with instances of me hooking up with someone just because that was my measure of worth and the situations I got myself into were almost ALWAYS unhealthy ones or ones that came with repercussions. It wasn’t sex I was addicted to, it was obtaining my self-worth from outside sources and since my self-worth was non-existent, I would get it anywhere I could, no matter how shitty the situation was. THAT is what I’m trying to put an end to.



Dang dude, I'd be very disappointed if any of my "friends" behaved that way. If they respected and cared about you they'd respect your boundaries and be cheering for you to work on yourself.


----------



## MFB

It's also a great double standard that women feel they can push a relationship on a guy (thanks to systematic conditioning that a woman should try to fix a man) or just for sex, whereas if Rev was leering around them for a relationship - he'd abso-fucking-lutely be labelled as a stalker.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

RevDrucifer said:


> I’ve run into some ‘fun’ ones recently-
> 
> I’m very much enjoying being single and I don’t mean single as in “I’m seeing some chicks but taking my time.”, I mean, “I don’t want a girlfriend, I‘m very content with my life right now and don’t want anyone fucking it up, namely myself.” I very much realize at this point that I need to learn how to set healthy boundaries up of what I’m willing to tolerate in my life if I’m going to consider a relationship again and I’m not there yet, no where close.
> 
> I’ve been better at responding to text messages and not leaving my friends waiting 3 days for replies, but it’s also kicked up a similar situation with two of my female friends who recently expressed interest in dating me. I’ve never even considered them romantically, but if things were different for me and I weren’t in the process of unfucking myself, I wouldn’t be entirely opposed to dating either of them. But I made it bluntly clear to both of them-
> 
> “I do not want to be in a relationship right now, I don’t belong in one. It’d be unfair to the other person and unfair to myself. Until I learn how to maintain proper boundaries in my life, I’m keeping a wall up because I’ve fucked myself over too many times in the past. I don’t care if I don’t get laid for another year, my stance won’t be changing any time soon.”
> 
> I might as well have said “I challenge you to convince me to be in a relationship with you.” to both of them. And this is EXACTLY what I’m talking about with healthy boundaries because in the past, I would have allowed them to guilt me into a relationship, I‘ve done it enough in the past to know better.
> 
> One of them is very forward and the other thinks she’s being clever, but BOTH of them very clearly believe they’re going to make me change my mind. While there’s an aspect of it that’s very flattering, I can’t help but to feel a bit offended that they’re both completely ignoring my words.
> 
> The forward one has been wanting to hook up since before she made it clear she was interested in me as a boyfriend but I won’t do it. I’d LOVE to, I’m fuckin’ dyin’ right now as I’m hitting month 6 without getting laid, but I know exactly what will happen and said as much to her, doubling down on my stance-
> 
> “I promise you that you will end up feeling used and I will feel like I’m using you. You want a relationship, I do not. I will not get emotionally attached to you in any kind of way if we sleep together because that’s just not where my head is. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
> 
> Her reply-
> 
> “You wouldn’t be using me, you’d be enjoying me.”
> 
> 
> 
> Initially, I thought it was just hubris on their part, thinking they could entice me with teasing pics or showing up at work to drop food off for me out of the blue, but now I’m seeing that they both have a horribly low self-esteem and if they didn’t, they wouldn’t be putting themselves directly in the line of fire of heartache.
> 
> I’ve been good about not engaging when they’ve started getting into the more sexually charged stuff, but man, THAT is not easy for me. Especially when I‘ve had a few drinks in me, but I’ve done damn good considering my past. Unfortunately, it only seems to make them up the ante.
> 
> This is very much like putting drugs in front of an addict in recovery, while I wouldn’t consider myself a sex addict, my past is filled with instances of me hooking up with someone just because that was my measure of worth and the situations I got myself into were almost ALWAYS unhealthy ones or ones that came with repercussions. It wasn’t sex I was addicted to, it was obtaining my self-worth from outside sources and since my self-worth was non-existent, I would get it anywhere I could, no matter how shitty the situation was. THAT is what I’m trying to put an end to.


If the shoe were on the other foot, this would be exposed as being as manipulative as it is. This is gross behavior from both of them, which needs to stop. Manipulating your way into sex or a relationship is not a great plan, so please do not cave to either of them. I don't just mean until you are ready, I mean ever.


----------



## RevDrucifer

nightflameauto said:


> Base on this, and this alone, I would say you'll want to stay far, FAR away from them when it comes to relationships in the future for the simple fact that neither one of them actually see what you said as what you meant. They either think they can "fix" you into not feeling that way, or they think you're trying to give them the opposite message you want them to hear. It expresses a fundamental lack of respect on their part, just based on what you're saying here and not knowing their actual opinion.
> 
> Either way? I'd nope hard. Communication starts with listening, and it seems neither one is up for that.





wheresthefbomb said:


> Dang dude, I'd be very disappointed if any of my "friends" behaved that way. If they respected and cared about you they'd respect your boundaries and be cheering for you to work on yourself.





MFB said:


> It's also a great double standard that women feel they can push a relationship on a guy (thanks to systematic conditioning that a woman should try to fix a man) or just for sex, whereas if Rev was leering around them for a relationship - he'd abso-fucking-lutely be labelled as a stalker.





Spaced Out Ace said:


> If the shoe were on the other foot, this would be exposed as being as manipulative as it is. This is gross behavior from both of them, which needs to stop. Manipulating your way into sex or a relationship is not a great plan, so please do not cave to either of them. I don't just mean until you are ready, I mean ever.



I gotta say this in fairness; I don’t believe I’m 100% innocent in this and there was some bad timing at play here that I’ll explain, but also, when I said “I wouldn’t be opposed to dating either of them”, ‘dating’ is pretty much how I view hooking up because really, when you’re just in the dating phrase, you’re pretty much just eating and fucking. 

They’ve both known me for 5-7 years and I am not a shy dude, especially when it comes to sex. I used to get a kick out of saying over the top stuff or not holding back on sexual discussions, there’s a reason I‘m the Porn-ispondent for my buddy’s podcast. They both saw me ‘get some shit out of my system’ last year when my marriage fell apart and I was hooking up with some mutual friends of ours and I know I made plenty of comments to both of them back then about them being next or whatever dumb shit it was I said. Then a lot of things changed for me and I realized I couldn’t be going down that path again, which is when I started hibernating in my apartment. 

Once we started talking again a few weeks back, I picked up where I left off with crackin’ sexually charged jokes, so I certainly opened the door to a lot of what’s going on, I just slammed it shut when it got to the point of relationships being discussed. For the couple weeks before that, there was a LOT of sexually charged conversation. 

If they were strangers, this wouldn’t even be a post because I would have blocked them already, but they’re friends and overall, yeah, it’s disrespectful towards my wishes to push against me when I’m actually doing the right thing for once, but it doesn’t feel anywhere close to the point of cutting them both out of my life (yet). I can see how they think they’re being subtle with it and because of my lax attitude towards everything, I know they don’t feel they are imposing themselves on me. 

There’s also the fact that both of them are very good looking women (one of them…..man, if she catches me at the right time I’ll be powerless) and I’d be willing to bet every guitar I own that no one has ever told them “No” before and this can very much seem like a game to them due to that lax attitude I have towards it all. 

The whole situation is still more humorous to me than anything else, it’ll take a bit more to get me to the point of “Ok, this ain’t cool anymore.” and I’m pretty sure I can keep it that way by not putting my dick in them.


----------



## TedEH

I'd be willing to give you props for having a strong sense of boundaries and sticking to your guns as much as you say you do, since, context aside, so many people fail at anything relating to boundaries. Sounds to me like you're doing the right thing.


RevDrucifer said:


> ‘dating’ is pretty much how I view hooking up because really, when you’re just in the dating phrase, you’re pretty much just eating and fucking.


I don't know if this isn't a universal experience, or just not how it works for me - and makes me ponder my own current.... situation? 

'Cause I ended up getting back together, sort of, with an ex from a while back - but with a caveat that I'm trying to slow down and not skip steps this time. Last time we went from nothing to "if anyone didn't know better, they'd think I live here" within like a month or two, while still being unwilling to stick a "girlfriend" label on it. It seems to always work that way for me - the eatin' and fuckin' stage ends up being a couple of weeks, then we skip right past it to the "so, what are we watching this weekend? Oh and we need groceries." stage. I don't care about what you call it, but that's, IMO, a really short time to get that deep into anything, and I'm trying hard not to do the same thing again this time. We're again at the month-or-two ish point, and I'm convinced that I have to keep that boundary up to prevent rushing into frustration. On a practical level that means, mostly, not spending all of my free time over there - I need to have my _me_ time, 'cause I otherwise start to feel like I'm just a pet or something and have lost some autonomy. (There's reasons that it's impractical for her to come to me most of the time - but that's a part of it. I'm determined to come up with a way to be met half way.)

Like I was asked not long ago if I'd be coming over after work on that Friday, and I opted for no. Why? For no other reason than - I want to wake up at home on a day that I don't have to work. And there's nothin wrong with that - I have to fight the urge to feel like I've done something wrong by saying no sometimes. It's not petty, it's not unreasonable, and it's not a sign that I'm uninterested or something. I'm just making sure I take care of myself.


----------



## jaxadam

RevDrucifer said:


> I gotta say this in fairness; I don’t believe I’m 100% innocent in this and there was some bad timing at play here that I’ll explain, but also, when I said “I wouldn’t be opposed to dating either of them”, ‘dating’ is pretty much how I view hooking up because really, when you’re just in the dating phrase, you’re pretty much just eating and fucking.
> 
> They’ve both known me for 5-7 years and I am not a shy dude, especially when it comes to sex. I used to get a kick out of saying over the top stuff or not holding back on sexual discussions, there’s a reason I‘m the Porn-ispondent for my buddy’s podcast. They both saw me ‘get some shit out of my system’ last year when my marriage fell apart and I was hooking up with some mutual friends of ours and I know I made plenty of comments to both of them back then about them being next or whatever dumb shit it was I said. Then a lot of things changed for me and I realized I couldn’t be going down that path again, which is when I started hibernating in my apartment.
> 
> Once we started talking again a few weeks back, I picked up where I left off with crackin’ sexually charged jokes, so I certainly opened the door to a lot of what’s going on, I just slammed it shut when it got to the point of relationships being discussed. For the couple weeks before that, there was a LOT of sexually charged conversation.
> 
> If they were strangers, this wouldn’t even be a post because I would have blocked them already, but they’re friends and overall, yeah, it’s disrespectful towards my wishes to push against me when I’m actually doing the right thing for once, but it doesn’t feel anywhere close to the point of cutting them both out of my life (yet). I can see how they think they’re being subtle with it and because of my lax attitude towards everything, I know they don’t feel they are imposing themselves on me.
> 
> There’s also the fact that both of them are very good looking women (one of them…..man, if she catches me at the right time I’ll be powerless) and I’d be willing to bet every guitar I own that no one has ever told them “No” before and this can very much seem like a game to them due to that lax attitude I have towards it all.
> 
> The whole situation is still more humorous to me than anything else, it’ll take a bit more to get me to the point of “Ok, this ain’t cool anymore.” and I’m pretty sure I can keep it that way by not putting my dick in them.



It sounds like you have a high level of emotional intelligence and self-awareness... a potent combo when navigating south Florida women!


----------



## RevDrucifer

TedEH said:


> I'd be willing to give you props for having a strong sense of boundaries and sticking to your guns as much as you say you do, since, context aside, so many people fail at anything relating to boundaries. Sounds to me like you're doing the right thing.
> 
> I don't know if this isn't a universal experience, or just not how it works for me - and makes me ponder my own current.... situation?
> 
> 'Cause I ended up getting back together, sort of, with an ex from a while back - but with a caveat that I'm trying to slow down and not skip steps this time. Last time we went from nothing to "if anyone didn't know better, they'd think I live here" within like a month or two, while still being unwilling to stick a "girlfriend" label on it. It seems to always work that way for me - the eatin' and fuckin' stage ends up being a couple of weeks, then we skip right past it to the "so, what are we watching this weekend? Oh and we need groceries." stage. I don't care about what you call it, but that's, IMO, a really short time to get that deep into anything, and I'm trying hard not to do the same thing again this time. We're again at the month-or-two ish point, and I'm convinced that I have to keep that boundary up to prevent rushing into frustration. On a practical level that means, mostly, not spending all of my free time over there - I need to have my _me_ time, 'cause I otherwise start to feel like I'm just a pet or something and have lost some autonomy. (There's reasons that it's impractical for her to come to me most of the time - but that's a part of it. I'm determined to come up with a way to be met half way.)
> 
> Like I was asked not long ago if I'd be coming over after work on that Friday, and I opted for no. Why? For no other reason than - I want to wake up at home on a day that I don't have to work. And there's nothin wrong with that - I have to fight the urge to feel like I've done something wrong by saying no sometimes. It's not petty, it's not unreasonable, and it's not a sign that I'm uninterested or something. I'm just making sure I take care of myself.



Man, this is 100% why I'm setting up boundaries; every relationship I've been in has gone that way and I've just realized how much _really important shit _doesn't get addressed/discussed between "Wanna go out sometime?" and "Oh, we need groceries." I know my personal reasons for jumping in head first are varied and it's been different with each situation. I will ignore every red flag because someone has 4-5 amazing qualities I'm drawn to. I've taken the "only look for the good in people" to the extremes. 

I’ve always been an all-in person, once I‘ve made the decision to go along with something, I’ll dive in headfirst and it’s been a detriment because being all-in includes committing to being all-in, which is exactly how the failure of my marriage almost literally took me out of existence when I was left holding the shit end of the stick.

I also know EXACTLY what you’re saying about feeling like you’re doing something wrong when you want to say “No” to something. This is a really big thing with me because I very much realize I’ve put off my own goals/hobbies due to that mentality. My ex-wife had it quite a bit as well and in the end, neither of us gave a fuck if I wanted to hang out in my studio all night or if she wanted to go hang with some friends, it was our own heads telling us it was an issue. 

I know in my case, it’s due to a fear of letting someone down. But that’s not a healthy way to live, especially when it only exists in our own minds and not in reality. That’s one of my healthy barriers I’m working on, learning that it’s ok to say “No, I don’t want to do that” and NOT feeling guilty about it. If we’re not doing anything wrong, there’s absolutely no reason to feel guilty about it, our brains are just cunts sometimes. 

As far as the hooking up/dating thing, I wouldn’t look into it too deeply because it very well could be a regional thing. Hook up culture is very much a thing down here and it doesn’t exist at this capacity anywhere else I’ve ever lived. In New England you can expect to date a woman a few times before jumping in bed, down here it seems the odds of jumping in the sack are higher the less you know her.  There’s been a couple times I thought I was seeing/dating someone only to find out later, nope! We’re just fuck buddies and that’s as far as it’s going. 



jaxadam said:


> It sounds like you have a high level of emotional intelligence and self-awareness... a potent combo when navigating south Florida women!





Combating might be a more applicable word over navigating.


----------



## jaxadam

RevDrucifer said:


> Man, this is 100% why I'm setting up boundaries; every relationship I've been in has gone that way and I've just realized how much _really important shit _doesn't get addressed/discussed between "Wanna go out sometime?" and "Oh, we need groceries." I know my personal reasons for jumping in head first are varied and it's been different with each situation. I will ignore every red flag because someone has 4-5 amazing qualities I'm drawn to. I've taken the "only look for the good in people" to the extremes.
> 
> I’ve always been an all-in person, once I‘ve made the decision to go along with something, I’ll dive in headfirst and it’s been a detriment because being all-in includes committing to being all-in, which is exactly how the failure of my marriage almost literally took me out of existence when I was left holding the shit end of the stick.
> 
> I also know EXACTLY what you’re saying about feeling like you’re doing something wrong when you want to say “No” to something. This is a really big thing with me because I very much realize I’ve put off my own goals/hobbies due to that mentality. My ex-wife had it quite a bit as well and in the end, neither of us gave a fuck if I wanted to hang out in my studio all night or if she wanted to go hang with some friends, it was our own heads telling us it was an issue.
> 
> I know in my case, it’s due to a fear of letting someone down. But that’s not a healthy way to live, especially when it only exists in our own minds and not in reality. That’s one of my healthy barriers I’m working on, learning that it’s ok to say “No, I don’t want to do that” and NOT feeling guilty about it. If we’re not doing anything wrong, there’s absolutely no reason to feel guilty about it, our brains are just cunts sometimes.
> 
> As far as the hooking up/dating thing, I wouldn’t look into it too deeply because it very well could be a regional thing. Hook up culture is very much a thing down here and it doesn’t exist at this capacity anywhere else I’ve ever lived. In New England you can expect to date a woman a few times before jumping in bed, down here it seems the odds of jumping in the sack are higher the less you know her.  There’s been a couple times I thought I was seeing/dating someone only to find out later, nope! We’re just fuck buddies and that’s as far as it’s going.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Combating might be a more applicable word over navigating.



I had a condo in Hollywood, FL and it was… interesting to say the least. The girls were nuts. Hell, they liked going to strip clubs more than me.

I’m pretty sure I’ve told this story before, but we went to Scarlett’s one night and every hour on the hour it was buy one get one free lap dances and you got a free t-shirt.

Well, the next thing I know I woke up on the bedroom floor of my condo and next to me were 4 t-shirts, a visor, and a towel!


----------



## TedEH

I think for me it makes me feel like I'm being petty or selfish when I say no to something for "not a good enough reason". 

Like I got into a routine a while back where one day out of the week was "jam day" whether the rest of the band showed up or not - since the jam room is far enough away, I make a whole day of it: drive up there, bring some lunch, spend some time with the drum kit even though I don't play drums for anyone anymore, make some stops on the way back, then there's a couple of coffee shops on the way back, I always pick one and sit with a book for an hour or two before making my way back. There's nothing "important" going on, but that's my drums + reading day. I get (un?)reasonably annoyed if anyone takes that away from me.

So, when other band members bail - and lady friend goes "oh good, that means you don't have to go anywhere tomorrow" ..... uuuuh nope, that day's _mine._ You can't have it. And I gatta train myself not to feel guilty about that.


----------



## MFB

RevDrucifer said:


> As far as the hooking up/dating thing, I wouldn’t look into it too deeply because it very well could be a regional thing. Hook up culture is very much a thing down here and it doesn’t exist at this capacity anywhere else I’ve ever lived. In New England you can expect to date a woman a few times before jumping in bed, down here it seems the odds of jumping in the sack are higher the less you know her.  There’s been a couple times I thought I was seeing/dating someone only to find out later, nope! We’re just fuck buddies and that’s as far as it’s going.



Man, it's fucking awful up here. I'm sure they just put it on their profile to weed out the dumbest of the dumb, but 98% of women up here will immediately put "NO HOOKUPS/FWB/CASUAL" as if you can't fuck on a first date and still have respect for yourself afterwards; if y'all click and wanna get to it, don't feel ashamed of it, that's just being human.

Of the remaining 2%, one is women who says it but only mean it to unattractive guys, and the last 1% is Snapchat/OF sellers trolling


----------



## RevDrucifer

jaxadam said:


> I had a condo in Hollywood, FL and it was… interesting to say the least. The girls were nuts. Hell, they liked going to strip clubs more than me.
> 
> I’m pretty sure I’ve told this story before, but we went to Scarlett’s one night and every hour on the hour it was buy one get one free lap dances and you got a free t-shirt.
> 
> Well, the next thing I know I woke up on the bedroom floor of my condo and next to me were 4 t-shirts, a visor, and a towel!



They’re still open! And yeah, I’m not a fan of strip clubs but nearly every woman I know under 45 is. It’s a hell of a lot more fun to go with them than it is a bunch of dudes, that’s for sure. 

I’ve had some crazy nights in Hollywood and they were rarely just one night. I can’t do that shit anymore.


----------



## RevDrucifer

MFB said:


> Man, it's fucking awful up here. I'm sure they just put it on their profile to weed out the dumbest of the dumb, but 98% of women up here will immediately put "NO HOOKUPS/FWB/CASUAL" as if you can't fuck on a first date and still have respect for yourself afterwards; if y'all click and wanna get to it, don't feel ashamed of it, that's just being human.
> 
> Of the remaining 2%, one is women who says it but only mean it to unattractive guys, and the last 1% is Snapchat/OF sellers trolling



Hahahah yeah they all put it in their profile down here as well but it seems all bets are off if it makes it to the second date.  I actually kind of miss the days where you built up anticipation to sleep with someone. It’s not as thrilling when you just met them at Cheers 3 hours before and you could both speak with less of a slur.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

TedEH said:


> I think for me it makes me feel like I'm being petty or selfish when I say no to something for "not a good enough reason".
> 
> Like I got into a routine a while back where one day out of the week was "jam day" whether the rest of the band showed up or not - since the jam room is far enough away, I make a whole day of it: drive up there, bring some lunch, spend some time with the drum kit even though I don't play drums for anyone anymore, make some stops on the way back, then there's a couple of coffee shops on the way back, I always pick one and sit with a book for an hour or two before making my way back. There's nothing "important" going on, but that's my drums + reading day. I get (un?)reasonably annoyed if anyone takes that away from me.
> 
> So, when other band members bail - and lady friend goes "oh good, that means you don't have to go anywhere tomorrow" ..... uuuuh nope, that day's _mine._ You can't have it. And I gatta train myself not to feel guilty about that.



That stuff is _so _important and I also have had a long struggle building good boundaries around my me-time. It's all too easy to let it go and you often don't resent it 'til you do, at which point it's often too late. My respect for your continued efforts, you'll ultimately be a better, healthier person to be in a relationship with as a result.


----------



## TedEH

wheresthefbomb said:


> That stuff is _so _important and I also have had a long struggle building good boundaries around my me-time. It's all too easy to let it go and you often don't resent it 'til you do, at which point it's often too late. My respect for your continued efforts, you'll ultimately be a better, healthier person to be in a relationship with as a result.


That's always the hope hah.

I think of it kinda like a work-life balance thing, just with a third element thrown into the ring. Work takes up a huge amount of time, and on work days it dominates the day. Then the relationship itself, as much as you don't want to call it work, it's dedicated time that you can't really spend on something else. You burn yourself out if you don't leave room for everything else. In the same way that you'd be mad if you can't play guitar because you're constantly working - you'd be equally mad if you can't play guitar because you're expected to be dedicating that time to whatever your partner wants to be doing.

And I acknowledge that the balance can change - and that the dynamics of it are meant to develop over time. If you get far enough to _actually_ live together, then you gatta go through the whole rigamarole of finding your personal space within that context again - but for me that's always been the easier stage to figure out. Like there's a switch in my head that goes "this is my home, I'll do whatever I damn well want to here", which is something that's much more difficult to do when you feel like a visitor somewhere. No amount of "make yourself at home" will make a place _actually _feel like home unless I literally live there.


----------



## jco5055

TedEH said:


> That's always the hope hah.
> 
> I think of it kinda like a work-life balance thing, just with a third element thrown into the ring. Work takes up a huge amount of time, and on work days it dominates the day. Then the relationship itself, as much as you don't want to call it work, it's dedicated time that you can't really spend on something else. You burn yourself out if you don't leave room for everything else. In the same way that you'd be mad if you can't play guitar because you're constantly working - you'd be equally mad if you can't play guitar because you're expected to be dedicating that time to whatever your partner wants to be doing.
> 
> And I acknowledge that the balance can change - and that the dynamics of it are meant to develop over time. If you get far enough to _actually_ live together, then you gatta go through the whole rigamarole of finding your personal space within that context again - but for me that's always been the easier stage to figure out. Like there's a switch in my head that goes "this is my home, I'll do whatever I damn well want to here", which is something that's much more difficult to do when you feel like a visitor somewhere. No amount of "make yourself at home" will make a place _actually _feel like home unless I literally live there.


I'm also in this camp...my gf is one of those "I'm either excited or sad" kinda people, like even something as simple as going on a walk she'll either end up loving it or being like actively disappointed for X/Y reason, and she also is a "If we could be siamese twins" I'd prefer it...so I myself also feel guilty when it's like "i would rather just play a videogame tonight then do X/Y/Z together, which we do 95% of the time"...there's been times where I haven't even told her I had the day off just so she doesn't make it a "well you obviously did everything you wanted to do while i was gone so now we can just spend all our time together when I get home".... and I have that mindset of "well if I'm fine either way, and my less preferred outcome she'd LOVE and would HATE what I prefer, it makes sense to go with what she wants to do for the overall happiness".


----------



## RevDrucifer

TedEH said:


> That's always the hope hah.
> 
> I think of it kinda like a work-life balance thing, just with a third element thrown into the ring. Work takes up a huge amount of time, and on work days it dominates the day. Then the relationship itself, as much as you don't want to call it work, it's dedicated time that you can't really spend on something else. You burn yourself out if you don't leave room for everything else. In the same way that you'd be mad if you can't play guitar because you're constantly working - you'd be equally mad if you can't play guitar because you're expected to be dedicating that time to whatever your partner wants to be doing.
> 
> And I acknowledge that the balance can change - and that the dynamics of it are meant to develop over time. If you get far enough to _actually_ live together, then you gatta go through the whole rigamarole of finding your personal space within that context again - but for me that's always been the easier stage to figure out. Like there's a switch in my head that goes "this is my home, I'll do whatever I damn well want to here", which is something that's much more difficult to do when you feel like a visitor somewhere. No amount of "make yourself at home" will make a place _actually _feel like home unless I literally live there.



Relationships absolutely ARE work, but the payoff is incredibly rewarding when both people are working towards the same goal. 

Before everything went to shit in my marriage, from years 10-13, my ex and I were the poster children for the ‘perfect couple’. We never fought, never said a bad word to each other and we were _always _laughing. Our friends constantly came to us asking how we pulled it off, the answer was always “It wasn’t always like this, we had to _work _for this.”

And it’s not that we fought or anything before, but we dealt with issues calmly and rationally as they arose. We disagreed about PLENTY of stuff, but we’d never get angry or upset about it because we both had the same goals in the relationship and that was paramount to everything else. We had a few really rough periods but never once did we get angry. 

It takes a lot of effort to maintain your composure and be objective when your heart’s tied into something, that’s the work part of it. Or just holding up your end of the deal consistently. 

And that’s why it was such a mindfuck when 2 months after we got married something flipped in her and those previous 13 years went out the window. The only time I ever yelled at her was the day I found out she was cheating, still didn’t call her a name though. Then we continued living together for 4 months after that while getting the house ready to sell and ending our 15 years together…..that was just as hard as the first 10 years.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

RevDrucifer said:


> Relationships absolutely ARE work, but the payoff is incredibly rewarding when both people are working towards the same goal.
> 
> Before everything went to shit in my marriage, from years 10-13, my ex and I were the poster children for the ‘perfect couple’. We never fought, never said a bad word to each other and we were _always _laughing. Our friends constantly came to us asking how we pulled it off, the answer was always “It wasn’t always like this, we had to _work _for this.”
> 
> And it’s not that we fought or anything before, but we dealt with issues calmly and rationally as they arose. We disagreed about PLENTY of stuff, but we’d never get angry or upset about it because we both had the same goals in the relationship and that was paramount to everything else. We had a few really rough periods but never once did we get angry.
> 
> It takes a lot of effort to maintain your composure and be objective when your heart’s tied into something, that’s the work part of it. Or just holding up your end of the deal consistently.
> 
> And that’s why it was such a mindfuck when 2 months after we got married something flipped in her and those previous 13 years went out the window. The only time I ever yelled at her was the day I found out she was cheating, still didn’t call her a name though. Then we continued living together for 4 months after that while getting the house ready to sell and ending our 15 years together…..that was just as hard as the first 10 years.



Ditto, first LTR was 13 years, 8 of them married, to my high school sweetheart. Friends would frequently ask how we did it, always just told them it's a lot of hard work. 

Despite the external fetishization of our "perfect" marriage, I was the one who eventually asked for a divorce. She never did wrong by me, not in any way that was insurmountable at least, but people change. By the time we split neither of us was the person we'd married. 

We have this fairytale notion of forever but the reality is relationships are hard work and nothing is guaranteed.


----------



## TedEH

While I'm onboard with the idea that it is a sort of work..... 
I tend to lean on the idea that "work" doesn't have to mean "unpleasant". I was lucky enough to find a line of work I like doing, and if I didn't like doing it, I'd go elsewhere. I've always treated relationships the same way - I know it's effort and work, but if I'm not enjoying that work, I'd rather not be doing it, so I don't. That's a good way to stay single 90% of the time, hah. The idea of being partnered to someone for 10+ years is kinda daunting to me.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

TedEH said:


> While I'm onboard with the idea that it is a sort of work.....
> I tend to lean on the idea that "work" doesn't have to mean "unpleasant". I was lucky enough to find a line of work I like doing, and if I didn't like doing it, I'd go elsewhere. I've always treated relationships the same way - I know it's effort and work, but if I'm not enjoying that work, I'd rather not be doing it, so I don't. That's a good way to stay single 90% of the time, hah. The idea of being partnered to someone for 10+ years is kinda daunting to me.



Important distinction, relationships are work but if the work isn't rewarding it isn't worth doing. I put a LOT of work into my second marriage, very little of it was reciprocated, and I suffered accordingly until I saw the writing on the wall and filed for my second divorce in as many years. When the hard work is reciprocated it feels a lot less like work.


----------



## RevDrucifer

wheresthefbomb said:


> Ditto, first LTR was 13 years, 8 of them married, to my high school sweetheart. Friends would frequently ask how we did it, always just told them it's a lot of hard work.
> 
> Despite the external fetishization of our "perfect" marriage, I was the one who eventually asked for a divorce. She never did wrong by me, not in any way that was insurmountable at least, but people change. By the time we split neither of us was the person we'd married.
> 
> We have this fairytale notion of forever but the reality is relationships are hard work and nothing is guaranteed.



So much truth right there that a lot of people who haven’t been through it just don’t get and won’t get until it happens.

Hell, EVERYONE told me before I got married, “Marriage changes things” and in my hubris I always replied “We’ve been together 13 years already, we’ve already worked through the crazy shit, I don’t see how this is going to change anything.”

And 2 months after my marriage my ex was wanting out. 

But yeah, people change over time, either hugely or subtly and that’s when the continued/active work in maintaining a relationship steps into play in order to counter or adapt to the changes, from either side.

I only asked for a divorce because I was beat into submission and my ex didn’t have the balls to do it. Instead she pulled every sneaky, fucked up thing that I’d NEVER expect her to do so she didn’t have to be the one to cut the cord. It was only until after I nearly shot myself that I snapped out of it and said “This is literally going to kill me if I keep this up.”

It wrecked me to break my vows because I truly believe we’re only as good as our words when our actions back them up. When I said “through thick and thin” I meant it. But my refusal to break those vows almost got me dead.


----------



## MFB

Met up with a woman for drinks today, we had chatted before, then it went cold, and I threw a hail Mary just to see while I was in the area if there was something, and she agreed (we're roughly 1.5-2hrs apart).

She said it was going to be drinks and nothing more and I teased that we'll see (I wouldn't actually push anything but it's fun to play), but she was right, and that's fine; full disclosure, she was married and said it's them basically living as roommates, so that's why she's been entertaining others but she's looking more for another partner out there, not a boy toy.

Oh well, no harm no foul, she just had drinks with a stranger and we parted amicably afterwards


----------



## MFB

Went to the last of my cousins weddings, saw a chick their who I feel like if we walked into somewhere as an item, people would be like, "I see it." Thought she was with someone, turns out it's apparently her brother (not sure why you'd +1 a sibling?) but she was on the opposite side of the table, and I may have made a "bad" first impression as I was on mushrooms tonight.

I didn't say anything bad per se, but it's natural to assume you're judging someone if they're doing drugs at a wedding and that's your first time meeting; but I was doing it for the right reasons. The cousins are the funnest for me to hang with, and I wanted to have fun at their wedding and I did, so I'll explain that + I'm currently living my best life outside this event, so I'm celebrating all around.

So I'm gonna follow up with my cousin to see who she is and what the deal is, maybe make something here who knows


----------



## wheresthefbomb

MFB said:


> Went to the last of my cousins weddings, saw a chick their who I feel like if we walked into somewhere as an item, people would be like, "I see it." Thought she was with someone, turns out it's apparently her brother (not sure why you'd +1 a sibling?) but she was on the opposite side of the table, and I may have made a "bad" first impression as I was on mushrooms tonight.
> 
> I didn't say anything bad per se, but it's natural to assume you're judging someone if they're doing drugs at a wedding and that's your first time meeting; but I was doing it for the right reasons. The cousins are the funnest for me to hang with, and I wanted to have fun at their wedding and I did, so I'll explain that + I'm currently living my best life outside this event, so I'm celebrating all around.
> 
> So I'm gonna follow up with my cousin to see who she is and what the deal is, maybe make something here who knows



You shoulda offered her some. If she's down then great, if not crisis averted. "If you can't handle me at my tripping-balls-at-my-cousin's-wedding..."


----------



## MFB

wheresthefbomb said:


> You shoulda offered her some. If she's down then great, if not crisis averted. "If you can't handle me at my tripping-balls-at-my-cousin's-wedding..."



I did actually  pulled out the 1/2oz I picked up and was like, "you're free to join?" kind of hoping she would. Then she said she was driving home later so that at a minimum was a cause to say no.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

MFB said:


> I did actually  pulled out the 1/2oz I picked up and was like, "you're free to join?" kind of hoping she would. Then she said she was driving home later so that at a minimum was a cause to say no.



A gentleman _and _a scholar.


----------



## MFB

wheresthefbomb said:


> A gentleman _and _a scholar.



I mean, it's just good manners. Any woman I've hosted the past few weeks I've offered to smoke up in lieu of a drink.


----------



## RevDrucifer

MFB said:


> I mean, it's just good manners. Any woman I've hosted the past few weeks I've offered to smoke up in lieu of a drink.



Because I’m in rehab land, it’s one of those things you need to address up front, just as you would your intentions as far as the dating app things goes. Casual/long term/wants kids/sober/in recovery/I’m a lunatic. 

I just put my ex-girlfriend through sober living and I’m doing some studying in my free time to become a peer resource counselor for addicts because after moving past my former issues with drugs/substances, I think I can do some good. Which is great, but I‘m still able to drink and partake without it being an issue in my life. 

Before I shut my FB dating down, the last thing it said in my profile was “If you’re in recovery, we are not going to work.”

I don’t get to really cut loose often, but when I do, I don’t hold back.


----------



## MFB

RevDrucifer said:


> Because I’m in rehab land, it’s one of those things you need to address up front, just as you would your intentions as far as the dating app things goes. Casual/long term/wants kids/sober/in recovery/I’m a lunatic.



Oh it's on there that I'm 420 friendly, but not a drinker; plus the women have usually mentioned it before I even do so I know it's OK to throw out there


----------



## MFB

Welp, texted my cousin and got a name, she said she's willing to reach out and see if she's seeing anyone but I also said I'm more than happy to do that since I'm the one asking and I don't want her to feel like she needs to play middle-man. Now that I have a name I'm doing my best to not look her up and get some idea of her, I liked doing this BECAUSE I've formed no idea of her based off an online profile.


----------



## MFB

Been three days, gonna call it on the cousin's wedding guest situation, have another chick I'm talking to so we'll see if that crashes as well


----------



## jaxadam

Hey man there’s nothing wrong with a little drought every once in a while when you’ve been getting a lot of stank on your hang down.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

these days I see a rejection/ghosting/not-panning-out as an opportunity as much as the alternative. building resiliency is cool.


----------



## MFB

For the record I'm not trying to just hookup with either of those women, the wedding one like I said was intriguing because it was just at a minimum finding someone attractive and capitalizing on that and seeing what happens, and this recent one seems like she'd also be cool to know so I'm open to whatever honestly; I've started just trying to expand my circle/comfort zone at this point as well, so it's sort of all up in the air.

I know I can live alone, I have no qualms there as I've done it basically my entire life, it's harder for me to give up my freedom/independence by having someone around than it is for me to have too much of it


----------



## MFB

Got a surprise text from my cousin on Friday, she said she didn't forget about me, she's just had a busy week (understandably so as she just got married and got T-boned after the rehearsal dinner the night before). So her step cousin or whatever the relation is may still be on the table.

Talking with the other chick a bit more, but not much, she's actually a little further from me than Tinder said (about 20 miles) in CT; I'll be not far from her at the end of the month, so I told her if she's cool with it, we keep talking and I'm willing to take her out when I'm down there. And I said if she's not feeling it any point between now and then, she says it's done and it's done, no fight from me.

Not expecting anything to come from it besides willing to take a nice girl out for a drink and some food, but we're not THAT far from each other that it'd be impossible to make something work; a buddy of mine would go down to CT to hang with his now wife.


----------



## TedEH

I'm not sure what thread this goes in, since we don't have a "family drama" thread, but that's sort of a relationship, so I'm counting it. I typed up a whole long thing then decided better of posting it online, so here's the short version.
I'm a bit fried from the last few days. There's some mild relationship stressors going on, which, fine, that happens. But then a bunch of family drama happened to pile on top. To summarize: someone caught cheating + ran away with their kids. Other partner (my family member) is lawyering up, but can't afford it. Called me for help, and I tried to help, but got chewed out by another family member - saying I "don't understand what I'm dealing with and should butt out".
¯\_(ツ)_/¯


----------



## thebeesknees22

TedEH said:


> .....we don't have a "family drama" thread, but that's sort of a relationship...


in some places that's more of a relationship than others. wah wah *plays banjo

.... i'm sorry... I'll show myself out. 

Please let the thread continue


----------



## MFB

Me and the CT lady have been talking more, she gave out a bit more info than I think she expected too last night and apologized for it but it felt good that she felt comfortable saying it; it very much seemed like she was doing the "I'm saying sorry because it's a defense mechanism for myself if it goes wrong" that I'm very much aware that I do as well, so I offered her some TMI on my side as well to 'level the playing field.' It's something that others might be embarrassed for after I've said it, but I've made peace with telling potential partners about it since I know if they were to try and shame me for it then it makes it that much easier to move on.

So we're planning to get together next weekend and we're gonna keep the conversations going, she seems pretty cool and barring any major in person biffs I'd like to keep this going


----------



## wheresthefbomb

Look at you go. Glad to hear it's working out.

Never saw myself as a "get back together with an ex" types but I guess this was a unique circumstance. I've been seeing the same woman I split up with back in December, since sometime in August, and it's much better than it was the first time around. I attribute a lot of that to healing and growth on my part, I was in no space to be in a relationship last year and was honestly being an emotionally distant/neglectful jerk. I'm glad she was willing to take the chance, she initiated and we're having a lovely time. I feel much more present and happy/proud of how I'm acting in the relationship instead of piling on the guilt to an already troubled mind.

Also, therapy is lit.


----------



## MFB

wheresthefbomb said:


> Look at you go. Glad to hear it's working out.
> 
> Never saw myself as a "get back together with an ex" types but I guess this was a unique circumstance. I've been seeing the same woman I split up with back in December, since sometime in August, and it's much better than it was the first time around. I attribute a lot of that to healing and growth on my part, I was in no space to be in a relationship last year and was honestly being an emotionally distant/neglectful jerk. I'm glad she was willing to take the chance, she initiated and we're having a lovely time. I feel much more present and happy/proud of how I'm acting in the relationship instead of piling on the guilt to an already troubled mind.
> 
> Also, therapy is lit.



It was that quick for you guys, I thought you had like, years apart? Or maybe I'm mixing up my ex stories from you  

One thing she said up front to me was she's bad at texting, and she wasn't wrong by any means, but she added me on Snapchat and we have much better back and forth now on there then we did via text; don't get me wrong, I remember what Snapchat's second biggest demographic is, but I don't get the impression she's doing anything shady with it.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

MFB said:


> It was that quick for you guys, I thought you had like, years apart? Or maybe I'm mixing up my ex stories from you
> 
> One thing she said up front to me was she's bad at texting, and she wasn't wrong by any means, but she added me on Snapchat and we have much better back and forth now on there then we did via text; don't get me wrong, I remember what Snapchat's second biggest demographic is, but I don't get the impression she's doing anything shady with it.



Yeah I racked up two ex-wives in as many years, before and during covid, so your confusion is totally valid

I started seeing this lady a few months after my second divorce which was a silly thing to do but I'm glad it's working out. Our relationship is quite a bit different from, and healthier than, any I've been in before.

Text is a kind of weird platform for any serious communication anyway. Misunderstanding and miscommunication is almost a design feature.


----------



## MFB

I've always found myself better in the written word initially since you can legitimately compose a message, or just go stream of consciousness on it and fire off whatever you want which is typically how I go anyways; but, with a call if there's a lull or dead spots, it always feels like an insult like "HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE MORE TO SAY?!" as if it's not natural to have some silence. 

I had one line where I did apologize for possibly misconstruing myself, but I would've phrased it the same way in person so it wasn't even the mediums fault.


----------



## RevDrucifer

wheresthefbomb said:


> Look at you go. Glad to hear it's working out.
> 
> Never saw myself as a "get back together with an ex" types but I guess this was a unique circumstance. I've been seeing the same woman I split up with back in December, since sometime in August, and it's much better than it was the first time around. I attribute a lot of that to healing and growth on my part, I was in no space to be in a relationship last year and was honestly being an emotionally distant/neglectful jerk. I'm glad she was willing to take the chance, she initiated and we're having a lovely time. I feel much more present and happy/proud of how I'm acting in the relationship instead of piling on the guilt to an already troubled mind.
> 
> Also, therapy is lit.



Yeah, I did NOT expect to get back with my ex after my divorce (ex-girlfriend, not ex-wife…that’ll never happen) and then found myself in a 9 month relationship with her. It didn’t work out for various reasons and there’s no hard feelings. I’m glad it happened because it showed me I wasn’t 100% shut down after the divorce, nor was I holding anything over from the divorce and carrying it into a new relationship. 

I’d say it was a “safe entry” back into the world of dating after some serious bullshit. Those 9 months were fun and unexpected, glad I did it, now I’m back to MEEE ME ME ME ME and no one else.


----------



## RevDrucifer

I decided to throw caution to the wind this past weekend and invited one of the women I discussed a couple pages back, over to my place this weekend. The less-overbearing one of the two. Not surprisingly, we got drunk and hooked up, but there was a good 8-9 hours before that where she got a good eyeful of what my life is like, why I don’t belong in a relationship and more importantly, why I don’t want to be in one. 

We had a loooong talk about my view on relationships, specifically on being in a relationship with someone with insecurity issues and I certainly got all my points across loud and clear. While I wasn’t purposefully trying to put her off from me, I was bluntly honest about things in a way I wouldn’t be if I were trying to start a relationship. 

Like when one of my exes called to shoot the shit, I ended the call quickly because I had company, but told my friend about how I wasn’t allowed to talk to my ex or any female I’ve ever hooked up with because of my ex-wife and that shit won’t ever happen again. I could tell that didn’t sit right with her and that was no surprise, she has insecurity issues. 

Overall, I think she understands now that this isn’t just something I’m doing because I got fucked over and I’m scared, it’s got nothing to do with that and everything to do with finally living my life exactly how I want to, without accommodating someone else. She’s been cool all week, we’ve spoken normally. I made it clear after we hooked up that if she’s feeling any differently and doesn’t think she can handle it, we can go back to just being friends and she won’t hear a sexually charged comment out of me, like we were for the last 4 years and 10 months. 

I think she was more stoked just to get out of her house and have legit adult time without her kids, while simultaneously getting a much better insight to who I am when I’m in my own element and all that comes along with me being me, which is NSFW, not a role model for children and unapologetic about it because I have no obligations to anyone in my life. 

We’ll see how it goes!


----------



## MFB

Got back from the gym tonight and without giving too much away, she ended up calling me from Snap as she was like, "I'm not explaining this well, so I need to clarity" blah blah blah, so we just got to talk for like ...45 mins on the phone?

It was nice, things flowed pretty naturally but there were a few moments of like, "this wasn't planned, and we're winging everything we say" so it would lull but be got it back quick enough which was a double win. Trying to keep things tempered and realistic, since I know what the reality is, but it's also nice to indulge for a moment before I snap myself back.


----------



## RevDrucifer

MFB said:


> Got back from the gym tonight and without giving too much away, she ended up calling me from Snap as she was like, "I'm not explaining this well, so I need to clarity" blah blah blah, so we just got to talk for like ...45 mins on the phone?
> 
> It was nice, things flowed pretty naturally but there were a few moments of like, "this wasn't planned, and we're winging everything we say" so it would lull but be got it back quick enough which was a double win. Trying to keep things tempered and realistic, since I know what the reality is, but it's also nice to indulge for a moment before I snap myself back.



You’ll get better at diminishing those lulls the more you practice/have conversations. I can’t stand them either and HATE talking on the phone because of that reason alone. Enough to the point that anyone I actually will get on the phone for knows that the first time a lull pops up I’ll hear “Ok, I know what you’re gonna say next, I’ll see ya later.”  

But it’s also a good marker of compatibility. There’s nothing better, in the context of conversations, than meeting someone new and not having enough time to talk, whether that’s a female you’re interested in or another musician or just a total stranger. I pretty much know I’ve made a new friend if the first conversation I have with someone keeps going and we have to cut it off for some reason. 

But if you keep the conversation going and the other person comes up empty when it’s their turn to talk….I’ve already had my days of filling in the gaps, I’m not wasting any more time there. I won’t even do it with texts and that’s why I’ve ghosted 3/4’s of the women I’ve spoken to on dating apps.


----------



## MFB

Yeah, it's definitely a skill that I haven't used in a while, like, I'll talk with my boss or my parents on the phone but those have a deliberate reason for each call and are a different type of relation; this is like, "we're strangers who have X things in common and may have interest in each other as long as we're relatively normal, so let's find that out now in real time."


----------



## MFB

I'm gonna say something that might worry you guys.

Anyone who's used the apps will tell you, and like with anything in life, don't put your eggs in one basket; that's not to say you shouldn't be as authentic with someone because you've got matches with three others, it's that you have to do that _with all of them._ I've truly enjoyed talking with CT girl, and do I hope things continue? Absolutely, again she seems lovely and I'm sure in person will be a whole new level of that for us. Do I understand that it'll be work if we continue to talk while being 1.5hr apart, meaning we'd most likely only get to see each other on weekends? Also yes. But if we're both in it and understand that then it makes it a little easier, and I found out she's from "western" MA, so it's not like she doesn't have people out there that she sees and can possibly stop by after and stay over.

But I did match with someone earlier who we were texting back and forth this morning, and there's that "new person" spark that every one has. And I asked her a question and she was like, "Oh man, I'll have to call and tell you about that," and I offered to let her call me when she was off work and she did; so we talked for like, 45 mins, and didn't even get to the very topic that made her say she should call me  The downside with her, is that similar to before, is that she's also married and is ENM. I know, I know, I can hear the collective SSO groan, but I'm not her first partner, there's a much longer story that I have no right to tell but it sounds like they truly did care about each other. She knows at some point it ends because I need to find my other half that I can commit to like she's committed to her husband, even if she's allowed to have some side play.

So I'm not doing anything differently with CT, she's still my main focus, but I do take some comfort knowing I have this other person who even if it's not as much as it could've been, I get to have some fun and this different type of relation with someone who is also very fun to talk to and we've got some similar (unfortunate) experiences in our lives


----------



## TedEH

MFB said:


> we'd most likely only get to see each other on weekends


Of all the things to pick out - I think there's value in that distance at first. Going from every day alone to every day with company comes with a sort of whiplash I could never handle. Once or twice a week though? That's how you have a good time without smothering eachother from day one.


----------



## MFB

For me it's more just KNOWING they're within ya know, 30, 40 mins vs. 90 mins which puts you into another state, a good bit into it to not just bordering; they're mental hurdles for sure, but they still exist.


----------



## RevDrucifer

MFB said:


> I'm gonna say something that might worry you guys.
> 
> Anyone who's used the apps will tell you, and like with anything in life, don't put your eggs in one basket; that's not to say you shouldn't be as authentic with someone because you've got matches with three others, it's that you have to do that _with all of them._ I've truly enjoyed talking with CT girl, and do I hope things continue? Absolutely, again she seems lovely and I'm sure in person will be a whole new level of that for us. Do I understand that it'll be work if we continue to talk while being 1.5hr apart, meaning we'd most likely only get to see each other on weekends? Also yes. But if we're both in it and understand that then it makes it a little easier, and I found out she's from "western" MA, so it's not like she doesn't have people out there that she sees and can possibly stop by after and stay over.
> 
> But I did match with someone earlier who we were texting back and forth this morning, and there's that "new person" spark that every one has. And I asked her a question and she was like, "Oh man, I'll have to call and tell you about that," and I offered to let her call me when she was off work and she did; so we talked for like, 45 mins, and didn't even get to the very topic that made her say she should call me  The downside with her, is that similar to before, is that she's also married and is ENM. I know, I know, I can hear the collective SSO groan, but I'm not her first partner, there's a much longer story that I have no right to tell but it sounds like they truly did care about each other. She knows at some point it ends because I need to find my other half that I can commit to like she's committed to her husband, even if she's allowed to have some side play.
> 
> So I'm not doing anything differently with CT, she's still my main focus, but I do take some comfort knowing I have this other person who even if it's not as much as it could've been, I get to have some fun and this different type of relation with someone who is also very fun to talk to and we've got some similar (unfortunate) experiences in our lives



Just go for it while you’ve got the energy, man. 

Only you can decide what’s right for you and you’re certainly on the experience train now. Give it another year or so and I wouldn’t be surprised to find you saying “Ok, so I definitely had some fun in the beginning but fuuuuuckkk all that.”

Just some important advice- always pull out. 

Wearing a rubber? Pull out anyway.
She says she on the pill/tubes tied/donated her ovaries to scientology? ABSOLUTELY pull out. Even if you’ve got a rubber on.

I couldn’t think of a worse place to be in than would be knocking up a chick I met on a dating app after knowing her for a few weeks. And this isn’t an incel-themed caution, but there are women out there who WILL lie about being on the pill/claiming their tubes are tied when they aren’t. My mother pulled that shit and then my sister pulled the same crap. 

Or the other classic one, “The doctor said I couldn’t get pregnant”

Treat that thing like a loaded gun, man. If you don’t want a kid, pay close attention to where the barrel is pointing.


----------



## MFB

RevDrucifer said:


> Just go for it while you’ve got the energy, man.
> 
> Only you can decide what’s right for you and you’re certainly on the experience train now. Give it another year or so and I wouldn’t be surprised to find you saying “Ok, so I definitely had some fun in the beginning but fuuuuuckkk all that.”
> 
> Just some important advice- always pull out.
> 
> Wearing a rubber? Pull out anyway.
> She says she on the pill/tubes tied/donated her ovaries to scientology? ABSOLUTELY pull out. Even if you’ve got a rubber on.
> 
> I couldn’t think of a worse place to be in than would be knocking up a chick I met on a dating app after knowing her for a few weeks. And this isn’t an incel-themed caution, but there are women out there who WILL lie about being on the pill/claiming their tubes are tied when they aren’t. My mother pulled that shit and then my sister pulled the same crap.
> 
> Or the other classic one, “The doctor said I couldn’t get pregnant”
> 
> Treat that thing like a loaded gun, man. If you don’t want a kid, pay close attention to where the barrel is pointing.



Part of me is just debating getting the snip now since I've said I'm CF by choice for 10 years now even when I wasn't fucking anyone, so now that I am, it definitely would solidify it. I can always put some on ice, but I'm looking for partners who don't want kids either since at this point (32) the clock for them is definitely ticking when I feel like I just started living.


----------



## c7spheres

RevDrucifer said:


> Just go for it while you’ve got the energy, man.
> 
> Only you can decide what’s right for you and you’re certainly on the experience train now. Give it another year or so and I wouldn’t be surprised to find you saying “Ok, so I definitely had some fun in the beginning but fuuuuuckkk all that.”
> 
> Just some important advice- always pull out.
> 
> Wearing a rubber? Pull out anyway.
> She says she on the pill/tubes tied/donated her ovaries to scientology? ABSOLUTELY pull out. Even if you’ve got a rubber on.
> 
> I couldn’t think of a worse place to be in than would be knocking up a chick I met on a dating app after knowing her for a few weeks. And this isn’t an incel-themed caution, but there are women out there who WILL lie about being on the pill/claiming their tubes are tied when they aren’t. My mother pulled that shit and then my sister pulled the same crap.
> 
> Or the other classic one, “The doctor said I couldn’t get pregnant”
> 
> Treat that thing like a loaded gun, man. If you don’t want a kid, pay close attention to where the barrel is pointing.


Not really up on this thread but thought I'd say

I have seen this behavior and fell victim to this as well. Also, if they're riding on top like what happened to me in one of my nightmare scenarios when I was 17, they'll say 'tell me when you're gonna cum" and when you tell them they latch on their claws into your back and bear themselves down on you so you can't get them off you and you go inside them. In a car it's impossible to get them off you. It's pure evil and thank god when it happend to me she didn't get pregnant. I never thought someone I loved and trusted even after many months would do that to me, especially knowing I didn't want kids. I was only 17 then and it was better to learn that sooner than later I guess.
- There's many evil or twisted people out there, but not so obviously. Some will stop at nothing to get pregnant. It's crazy to think I could have a kid in their 30's by now if that worked for her. I kinda want to find her and just give her a good smack upside the head. jk.
- Fast forward to another scenario when I was about 35 where again, I thought I was 'in love' and ended up being played the entire 7 or 8 months. We were at her apartment, she said the toilet didn't work because no water (where I'd usually flush the condom) when we were done she got a towel and said put it in there and she'd throw it out. The next day she text's a breakup and says she's with someone else. turns out through the grapevine I find out she tried dumping the contents inside her to get pregnant and take me for ride (she was talking about her plans to a mutual friend) I never felt so lied to and in a sense 'raped' (for lack of a better term for the feeling) .This type of thing has played out in my life and many freinds lives many many times over the decades. Be careful.
This type of behavior has also happened to a couple of my freinds, even married one's that didn't want kids, but they got pregnant and are screwed, divorced, paying support etc. I consider myself one of the lucky ones' at this point if you want to lower chances and still have sex then jerk it of have them service you beforehand to lower that sperm count, wear a condom, pull out etc. I really think immaculate conception exists because sometimes there's just no way but they end up pregnant anyways, it'd seem. Thankfully I never got one pregnant (that I know of, which an entirely other form of mental things) My 2 cents. If you absolutely don't want kids freeze some sperm and get clipped and still wear a condom. I've also had freinds that got clipped and still got girls pregnant to later find out it's not a 100% surgery etc. - If you do have a baby then sacrifice it to your choice of sungod for a new guitar or amp. jk. lol.

- TLDR, don't trust women and birth control, condoms, vasectomy, pull ourt etc. You have to be vigilant at all times. It's one of the things you can think about while having so much fun : )


----------



## wheresthefbomb

Vasectomy gang


----------



## nightflameauto

I saw some friends get shangai'd by the ol trickery with women. I'm always horrified by it, while being vaguely, disgustingly amused by the reasoning. I think my favorite was, "I just knew he'd be a good father if he was forced to it."

OK, so she wasn't wrong, he was awesome as a dad, but fuck her right in the face for:
A) Thinking it.
B) Doing something about it.
C) Saying it to his friend as a justification after the fact.

I'm of the opinion that if a dude starts talking about raping somebody, he deserves a beating. I'm having a hard time not having the same opinion in the above situation, though I'd have to step out and grab the nearest female available to apply the beatdown in that particular case. I'm all for equal rights, but I'm not down with dudes smacking women.

There's my sexist post of the day. *wipes hands*

P.S. I'm shocked he didn't leave her ass after he found out. I don't know that I could ever trust that one again if I had the same thing happen, regardless of how I felt about it at the time.


----------



## TedEH

nightflameauto said:


> I'm shocked he didn't leave her ass after he found out


Children are a very powerful motivator for a lot of things. I've known guys who stuck with some really horrible situations because no matter what happened, kids were priority #1.

We're starting to get into some reddit-level territory with the "if a dude did this he'd be in so much trouble" line. Not that I disagree, because I don't in principle. People are messy. Then you have more people.


----------



## nightflameauto

TedEH said:


> Children are a very powerful motivator for a lot of things. I've known guys who stuck with some really horrible situations because no matter what happened, kids were priority #1.
> 
> We're starting to get into some reddit-level territory with the "if a dude did this he'd be in so much trouble" line. Not that I disagree, because I don't in principle. People are messy. Then you have more people.


Yeah, there's a lot of messes that people stay in because "Kids are the priority."

Of course, never bother thinking about the fact that miserable parents invariable do not prioritize the kids.

Not to get too messy here, but spending most of your life wondering why you were, "An accident that fucked up my real life plans," and not a happy arrival doesn't exactly leave you in the best mental state by the time you reach adulthood.

And while I can get along and be civil with my dad at this point, some part of me will never really forgive him for telling me that when I was little. I wasn't the one carrying the trigger, pal. I had zero impact on the decision making that lead to my arrival. So, ya know, eat it, Dad. Pretty sure Jim Beam had more to do with it than I did, ya dumbass.

Oh, wait, I said I wasn't gonna get messy. Guess I needed to vent.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

nightflameauto said:


> I saw some friends get shangai'd by the ol trickery with women. I'm always horrified by it, while being vaguely, disgustingly amused by the reasoning. I think my favorite was, "I just knew he'd be a good father if he was forced to it."
> 
> OK, so she wasn't wrong, he was awesome as a dad, but fuck her right in the face for:
> A) Thinking it.
> B) Doing something about it.
> C) Saying it to his friend as a justification after the fact.
> 
> I'm of the opinion that if a dude starts talking about raping somebody, he deserves a beating. I'm having a hard time not having the same opinion in the above situation, though I'd have to step out and grab the nearest female available to apply the beatdown in that particular case. I'm all for equal rights, but I'm not down with dudes smacking women.
> 
> There's my sexist post of the day. *wipes hands*
> 
> P.S. I'm shocked he didn't leave her ass after he found out. I don't know that I could ever trust that one again if I had the same thing happen, regardless of how I felt about it at the time.


I don't know... I've seen men beat women with less violence (in YouTube videos, that is) than this chick who beat the ever loving fuck out of this other chick in the middle of a busy street. I think she lost teeth, too. It was insane.


----------



## TedEH

nightflameauto said:


> Of course, never bother thinking about the fact that miserable parents invariable do not prioritize the kids.
> 
> Not to get too messy here, but spending most of your life wondering why you were, "An accident that fucked up my real life plans," and not a happy arrival doesn't exactly leave you in the best mental state by the time you reach adulthood.


I don't mean to minimize whatever your own personal experience has been, but that's not invariable. Despite what reddit would have you think, there are lots of unexpected children who are raised just fine, and lots of examples of parents who do a decent job of shielding themselves from how miserable parenting can be, especially if you were unprepared for it (which, realistically, nobody is ever really prepared for it, I don't think).

I keep mentioning reddit because I feel like it's a great example of how you basically only hear about the worst of everything when you stay in places like that. The internet hugely amplifies cynicism, pessimism, etc. - since positive stories don't end up making the rounds.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

All other things considered, I'm glad my parents split up. Anybody "staying together for the kids" who thinks their kids can't tell how miserable they are with each other is kidding themselves.


----------



## p0ke

wheresthefbomb said:


> All other things considered, I'm glad my parents split up. Anybody "staying together for the kids" who thinks their kids can't tell how miserable they are with each other is kidding themselves.



Same here tbh. My parents managed to hide it pretty well, but still, the whole situation was clearly escalating when they actually did split up. I was absolutely heartbroken of course, but not really because they split, the reason was that my dad moved to Australia (where he grew up and his family lives). 

I guess that did some damage to me though, as my memory from the time I was about 12-15 is just a blur. It's almost as if the men in black zapped me or something. I vaguely remember some random bits here and there and if someone talks to me about something we did or that happened I'll remember it just fine, but for example I don't remember how (or even if) my 13-15th birthdays were celebrated. I remember everything before and after that time just fine.


----------



## nightflameauto

Spaced Out Ace said:


> I don't know... I've seen men beat women with less violence (in YouTube videos, that is) than this chick who beat the ever loving fuck out of this other chick in the middle of a busy street. I think she lost teeth, too. It was insane.


Not to trivialize this shit, but:
Men who beat women (not at all OK) tend to stop at some point. Women who beat women tend to go for broke, and don't stop until they have to. Girl fights are fuckin' brutal, man.


TedEH said:


> I don't mean to minimize whatever your own personal experience has been, but that's not invariable. Despite what reddit would have you think, there are lots of unexpected children who are raised just fine, and lots of examples of parents who do a decent job of shielding themselves from how miserable parenting can be, especially if you were unprepared for it (which, realistically, nobody is ever really prepared for it, I don't think).
> 
> I keep mentioning reddit because I feel like it's a great example of how you basically only hear about the worst of everything when you stay in places like that. The internet hugely amplifies cynicism, pessimism, etc. - since positive stories don't end up making the rounds.


I think when it comes to the whole "staying together for the kids" thing, there's a lot more misery than is ever let on.

I mean, first off, fuck reddit. That's a cesspool that makes youtube comments seem sane.

I don't disagree that negativity tends to find purchase in public discourse, but mental health tends to get dismissed with the wave of a hand. And in a way, what you're saying comes across much the same. We shouldn't talk about this because it's uncomfortable. Keep your mental issues to yourself. Hard life? Suck it up, asshole. That's a you problem, and we're full up.

Somebody needs to say it every once in a while. Staying together for the kids, and ONLY for the kids, without any other base? Is a tremendous amount of pressure on those kids. They'll know it, no matter how good the parents think they are at masking it. And getting offhand snide comments your whole life about fucking up their lives is a recipe for a self-loathing adult. And? Since we so love to dismiss mental health issues as, "Just be happier! If you're not? That's a you thing. Deal with it and fix it on your own. And in the meantime, shut up about it. Nobody wants to hear it."

I've managed to find a decent enough life despite all that. And as I pull up to the fifty mark (49 last week), I'm just tired of constantly being told every issue where I see the root of it is something I need to shut the fuck up about. Let other people make their own mistakes and keep your life lessons to yourself, old man.

Sorry, I'm really not angry at you specifically, TedEH. I'm mad at the civilization level of dismissal of anything seen as a personal mental struggle. Even now I'm thinking I probably just shouldn't have brought it up. I suppose I really should just keep this shit to myself.

Gimme a day. I'll get back to it. Happy you can share. Sad? Shut up.


----------



## TedEH

nightflameauto said:


> mental health tends to get dismissed with the wave of a hand. And in a way, what you're saying comes across much the same. We shouldn't talk about this because it's uncomfortable. Keep your mental issues to yourself. Hard life? Suck it up, asshole. That's a you problem, and we're full up.


That's not AT ALL what I said.

On a very general level, I agree with the idea that you shouldn't "stay together for the kids" (even if the song was, and still is, a banger). If your relationship doesn't work, forcing it makes everything worse. The part I disagree with is that unexpected kids always leads to a need or want to separate, and/or that miserable parents always lead to a maladjusted kid.

I tend to think that when people experience a particular kind of relationship, they assume that most comparable relationships work the same way. Weren't a planned child? Must mean your parents are at eachother throats. Except that no - that's not the default - and I think it's meaningful to acknowledge that. IMO that's in no way a dismissal of people's problems, if anything it grants extra weight to those, as exceptions, because there's something to contrast them against.

The reddit comment was disconnected from anyone in particular - it's just a general observation that a lot of corners of the internet don't bother allowing any space to admit that not everyone is depressed and miserable all the time. There's some positivity out there. It exists. It's not ALL doom and gloom out there.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

TedEH said:


> On a very general level, I agree with the idea that you shouldn't "stay together for the kids" (even if the song was, and still is, a banger)



Listening for the first time since high school this morning. Oof, feelings.


----------



## nightflameauto

TedEH said:


> That's not AT ALL what I said.
> 
> On a very general level, I agree with the idea that you shouldn't "stay together for the kids" (even if the song was, and still is, a banger). If your relationship doesn't work, forcing it makes everything worse. The part I disagree with is that unexpected kids always leads to a need or want to separate, and/or that miserable parents always lead to a maladjusted kid.
> 
> I tend to think that when people experience a particular kind of relationship, they assume that most comparable relationships work the same way. Weren't a planned child? Must mean your parents are at eachother throats. Except that no - that's not the default - and I think it's meaningful to acknowledge that. IMO that's in no way a dismissal of people's problems, if anything it grants extra weight to those, as exceptions, because there's something to contrast them against.
> 
> The reddit comment was disconnected from anyone in particular - it's just a general observation that a lot of corners of the internet don't bother allowing any space to admit that not everyone is depressed and miserable all the time. There's some positivity out there. It exists. It's not ALL doom and gloom out there.


Sorry. Most any time I've made the mistake of mentioning my parental difficulties, I've gotten a very dismissive, "That's not how it is and you know it" type response. And, my history here should show this isn't something I pop off about every day. For a reason.

I knee-jerked to your response and fully admit it. Apologies for the misinterpretation.


----------



## TedEH

It's all good. You're not wrong that there's a lot of dismissive attitude about mental health and other people's experiences etc.

And I won't lie, I've got some thoughts that would probably fall into the dismissive bucket - but it's more in the way I think we've been getting worse instead of better over time about romanticizing mental health problems, to the point where it becomes an identity (which serves to make it untouchable, since how dare you criticize someone's identity), and in some cases a crutch, preventing any meaningful discussion or discouraging actually addressing things. "This is _who I am_, so _it doesn't need to be 'fixed'_ ".


----------



## nightflameauto

TedEH said:


> It's all good. You're not wrong that there's a lot of dismissive attitude about mental health and other people's experiences etc.
> 
> And I won't lie, I've got some thoughts that would probably fall into the dismissive bucket - but it's more in the way I think we've been getting worse instead of better over time about romanticizing mental health problems, to the point where it becomes an identity (which serves to make it untouchable, since how dare you criticize someone's identity), and in some cases a crutch, preventing any meaningful discussion or discouraging actually addressing things. "This is _who I am_, so _it doesn't need to be 'fixed'_ ".


There's a lot of circular reasoning in the whole mental health realm. Years of being dismissed make you feel that you need to dig in your heels and say things like you're saying you hear above. I've literally been told by people that I made the mistake of trusting talking about mental health issues, "That's just who you are. Deal with it and move on." A weak-willed person would believe that shit and yeah, they will definitely hit a point where eventually it does become who they are.

What we feel should be separate, if touching, who we are. Intertwining the two so intimately that they become one entity internally is dangerous because it means you can't change how you feel by addressing the negative issues without changing who you are.

It'd be easy to twist this into a political rant. So much of American politics is based on the idea that my feelings are just as valid as your facts. It's frightening on a lot of levels.


----------



## bostjan

I kind of think we are still in the dark ages in terms of clinical mental health treatments. We seem to think we know a lot more than we used to, but it's likely that a lot of what we think we know about how we think is all bullshit, and that, some day, there will be some quantum leap in the science that leads us to a renaissance, during which we figure out what we've been doing wrong all this time.

Years ago, I was going through some stuff, and I tried one of those online psychiatric help sites, and I felt like I got absolutely nothing out of it. Granted, I was spending like $12/week, so what level of quality should I expect? And I know that the people who do this for a living are putting a lot of effort in, but I swear that it doesn't really seem like we know what we are doing, when nearly everyone with whom I've spoken about their experiences feels like it nets them no positive results even after sometimes months or even years of expensive sessions.

Coming back to relationships though, if you are struggling with your own self, I think you are going to struggle with your relationships with other people. I also feel like you could be completely comfortable with yourself and start a relationship with someone who is not, and it could stress your own mental health to the point where you can clearly start to see the cracks you never knew were there.


----------



## TedEH

bostjan said:


> I kind of think we are still in the dark ages in terms of clinical mental health treatments.


Not just the treatments - you could leave that word out and still probably be right, I think. I'd like to think we're entering that stage of understanding how much we don't understand yet, so to speak. Maybe. I don't know.

Although, I've spoken to people who did manage to get very positive results out of therapy, but only after shopping around to find someone who met their expectations in some way or another - and I'm of mixed feelings about that. It makes it sort of feel, to me, like you're just shopping for a friend you pay for. That's being pretty unfair about it, but it feels pretty common that whenever I hear "therapy doesn't work for me", the "why" is almost always that they aren't being told what they want to hear, that they don't share values with the therapist, or they have a very set idea of what their treatment should be and the therapist went a different route (usually about whether or not prescription drugs get involved), etc.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

I'm getting free counseling through my local university. It's fairly evident my counselor is still learning, feels like talking to a textbook/script sometimes, but she is good about acting like a human and having empathy. She seems legitimately invested on focusing on what _I_ want out of therapy, to the extent of her ability. 

It's free, but my time is valuable and I don't feel like it's a waste of my time. I've come a long way on my own with my mental health and it helps a lot just to have someone to talk through all that with. Yesterday was mostly "bragging" about my recent accomplishments in light of past issues/anxieties, but it was still very helpful and validating just to feel heard. 

I can only imagine how discouraging it would be to _pay_ for therapy and feel like it isn't helping.


----------



## bostjan

TedEH said:


> Not just the treatments - you could leave that word out and still probably be right, I think. I'd like to think we're entering that stage of understanding how much we don't understand yet, so to speak. Maybe. I don't know.
> 
> Although, I've spoken to people who did manage to get very positive results out of therapy, but only after shopping around to find someone who met their expectations in some way or another - and I'm of mixed feelings about that. It makes it sort of feel, to me, like you're just shopping for a friend you pay for. That's being pretty unfair about it, but it feels pretty common that whenever I hear "therapy doesn't work for me", the "why" is almost always that they aren't being told what they want to hear, that they don't share values with the therapist, or they have a very set idea of what their treatment should be and the therapist went a different route (usually about whether or not prescription drugs get involved), etc.


Yeah, but maybe any sort of treatment that relies on the belief of the patient that it is working in order to work is just a fancy placebo.

Also, it's worth noting that lobotomies were never made illegal, even if they are rarely used anymore. Even in the 1980's, though, they weren't so rare, and that wasn't that long ago.


----------



## RevDrucifer

nightflameauto said:


> Yeah, there's a lot of messes that people stay in because "Kids are the priority."
> 
> Of course, never bother thinking about the fact that miserable parents invariable do not prioritize the kids.
> 
> Not to get too messy here, but spending most of your life wondering why you were, "An accident that fucked up my real life plans," and not a happy arrival doesn't exactly leave you in the best mental state by the time you reach adulthood.
> 
> And while I can get along and be civil with my dad at this point, some part of me will never really forgive him for telling me that when I was little. I wasn't the one carrying the trigger, pal. I had zero impact on the decision making that lead to my arrival. So, ya know, eat it, Dad. Pretty sure Jim Beam had more to do with it than I did, ya dumbass.
> 
> Oh, wait, I said I wasn't gonna get messy. Guess I needed to vent.




I know that all too well, brother. My mother made is no secret how much better her life would have been if my sister and I didn’t come along and screw it all up. While I recognized around age 12 that she wasn’t a very intelligent person, the years of self-doubt, depression/anxiety that were most certainly born from her and my stepfather continuously telling us we weren’t exactly welcome on this planet nearly took me out in my 20’s and took years of unfucking myself to get around.


----------



## RevDrucifer

TedEH said:


> Not just the treatments - you could leave that word out and still probably be right, I think. I'd like to think we're entering that stage of understanding how much we don't understand yet, so to speak. Maybe. I don't know.
> 
> Although, I've spoken to people who did manage to get very positive results out of therapy, but only after shopping around to find someone who met their expectations in some way or another - and I'm of mixed feelings about that. It makes it sort of feel, to me, like you're just shopping for a friend you pay for. That's being pretty unfair about it, but it feels pretty common that whenever I hear "therapy doesn't work for me", the "why" is almost always that they aren't being told what they want to hear, that they don't share values with the therapist, or they have a very set idea of what their treatment should be and the therapist went a different route (usually about whether or not prescription drugs get involved), etc.



I’m hoping that mentality lessens the more mental health is discussed openly. I’ve often griped about the “my anxiety” or “my depression” people that do exactly what you described, define their personality/character by their ailments. 

I had an ex-girlfriend who was fairly cunty and she knew it, outright saying “I’m a cunt and you just have to deal with it”….while I was starting the whole journey of unfucking myself from childhood stuff, much of which was resolving my anger issues and being an asshole. So while I was putting in the work to stop being a dick, she’d say something like that and…well, I didn’t deal with it, I sent her packing.  

And really, this is why I speak so openly about the process of unfucking myself. Some people simply don’t know that they can actually chip away at their brains until it resembles something they love, or they don’t know where to start. Therapy was just a side street on that whole journey for me.


----------



## TedEH

RevDrucifer said:


> I’ve often griped about the “my anxiety” or “my depression” people that do exactly what you described, define their personality/character by their ailments.


And to be clear, I get that for some people, it takes up a significant amount of their life, and so maybe there's something to it being an identifiable feature of a person -
But at the same time, like anything else, there's ways we take it too far.

Like youtube/facebook listicles about all the ways anxiety makes you unique and special - I don't think they do us any favours. Almost everyone deals with anxiety in some form or another, at different scales, and yes, some are to the point of being a disorder - but "anxiety" isn't a lifestyle or a fashion.



TedEH said:


> "This is _who I am_, so _it doesn't need to be 'fixed'_ "


Maybe a better way to say what I mean is through this line. ^
Acceptance is a good thing - recognizing whatever state you're in is a positive, for the most part.

But I think some damage is done when we do things like play around with the semantics and yell at people for "implying someone needs fixing" etc. If you don't need any issue to be addressed, if you're not impacted negatively, then it's not really a disorder, is it? If it's a disorder, then that implies it impacts you in some negative way that would be better served by being addressed.

But "identity" is untouchable in the 2020s. So if you can phrase whatever you're dealing with as "a part of me", so that you can side with your "allies", and call anyone who offers you advice "discriminatory" and "shaming" - then you ultimately don't have to ever address yourself, and all of your social circles will back you up. It's a great way to be free of consequences, but not a great way to actually address mental health.

Edit for fairness: reactions to this post were mostly pre-edit. Feel free to re-evaluate your reactions.


----------



## bostjan

RevDrucifer said:


> I’m hoping that mentality lessens the more mental health is discussed openly. I’ve often griped about the “my anxiety” or “my depression” people that do exactly what you described, define their personality/character by their ailments.
> 
> I had an ex-girlfriend who was fairly cunty and she knew it, outright saying “I’m a cunt and you just have to deal with it”….while I was starting the whole journey of unfucking myself from childhood stuff, much of which was resolving my anger issues and being an asshole. So while I was putting in the work to stop being a dick, she’d say something like that and…well, I didn’t deal with it, I sent her packing.
> 
> And really, this is why I speak so openly about the process of unfucking myself. Some people simply don’t know that they can actually chip away at their brains until it resembles something they love, or they don’t know where to start. Therapy was just a side street on that whole journey for me.


I guess I wish I knew how to do that. My mental and especially emotional health has had its ups and downs over the years, and I have no clue how to buffer those cycles. I'm sure I'm not the only one who had a really rough patch of mental health during my teen years, but, I mean, if I had to do it all over again, I have no idea what I'd do differently to make it better. I just sort of snapped in and out of it, snapped back into it, became an alcoholic, then quit drinking and have (mostly) been better ever since. Keeping a healthier body seems to keep the width of the swings to a minimum, but, with the perfect storm of triggers, I don't think anything would help me. Introspection only seems to make things worse, so keeping busy and not having time to think about it also seems to deflect a lot of it. Maybe that's my problem? IDK.

Watching youtube videos or frequenting websites geared toward helping seems to only point out the ways other people trigger my moods, but equips me with nothing to combat it. IDK.

In my personal life, I've sort of gone from trying to please the people closest to me or trying to mediate between them when they put me in the middle of their crap... to just remaining uninvolved as I can be, since family or relatives or close friends never seem to know what's best for themselves anyway. So, if I don't understand the situation, I just homer back into the bushes and let them deal with it. I guess that makes me a shitty friend and an even shittier partner, but, like I said, I've tried for years to get in the middle of the mess and clean it up for other people, and it only mucks it up worse for them and messes with my own head, so I just can't do it anymore.


----------



## nightflameauto

TedEH said:


> Not just the treatments - you could leave that word out and still probably be right, I think. I'd like to think we're entering that stage of understanding how much we don't understand yet, so to speak. Maybe. I don't know.
> 
> Although, I've spoken to people who did manage to get very positive results out of therapy, but only after shopping around to find someone who met their expectations in some way or another - and I'm of mixed feelings about that. It makes it sort of feel, to me, like you're just shopping for a friend you pay for. That's being pretty unfair about it, but it feels pretty common that whenever I hear "therapy doesn't work for me", the "why" is almost always that they aren't being told what they want to hear, that they don't share values with the therapist, or they have a very set idea of what their treatment should be and the therapist went a different route (usually about whether or not prescription drugs get involved), etc.


Yeah, I think it takes a certain type of personality working with another certain type of personality to get therapy to do any good, and the good isn't measurable in any scientific way. Then again, it's hard to scientifically measure emotional baggage and its balance with well-being.

All I know is I came away from every therapy session I ever had thinking, "You really can't pay somebody to care." And since I've known myself well enough to know that 90% of my mental issues are centered on feeling like nobody cared growing up and I was on my own, I'm right ba


bostjan said:


> In my personal life, I've sort of gone from trying to please the people closest to me or trying to mediate between them when they put me in the middle of their crap... to just remaining uninvolved as I can be, since family or relatives or close friends never seem to know what's best for themselves anyway. So, if I don't understand the situation, I just homer back into the bushes and let them deal with it. I guess that makes me a shitty friend and an even shittier partner, but, like I said, I've tried for years to get in the middle of the mess and clean it up for other people, and it only mucks it up worse for them and messes with my own head, so I just can't do it anymore.


I wanna hit the ditto on this so hard it hurts my hand.


----------



## RevDrucifer

bostjan said:


> I guess I wish I knew how to do that. My mental and especially emotional health has had its ups and downs over the years, and I have no clue how to buffer those cycles. I'm sure I'm not the only one who had a really rough patch of mental health during my teen years, but, I mean, if I had to do it all over again, I have no idea what I'd do differently to make it better. I just sort of snapped in and out of it, snapped back into it, became an alcoholic, then quit drinking and have (mostly) been better ever since. Keeping a healthier body seems to keep the width of the swings to a minimum, but, with the perfect storm of triggers, I don't think anything would help me. Introspection only seems to make things worse, so keeping busy and not having time to think about it also seems to deflect a lot of it. Maybe that's my problem? IDK.
> 
> Watching youtube videos or frequenting websites geared toward helping seems to only point out the ways other people trigger my moods, but equips me with nothing to combat it. IDK.
> 
> In my personal life, I've sort of gone from trying to please the people closest to me or trying to mediate between them when they put me in the middle of their crap... to just remaining uninvolved as I can be, since family or relatives or close friends never seem to know what's best for themselves anyway. So, if I don't understand the situation, I just homer back into the bushes and let them deal with it. I guess that makes me a shitty friend and an even shittier partner, but, like I said, I've tried for years to get in the middle of the mess and clean it up for other people, and it only mucks it up worse for them and messes with my own head, so I just can't do it anymore.



That doesn’t make you shitty in any way, man. It keeps your head clear of bullshit you ultimately have no control over. 

I catch some flack at times because of how I cut people out of my life, but I really can’t care less. Friends or family, if you’re going to cause drama in my life, you will not be part of my life. It’s _that _easy. 

Have I felt guilty for it? Of course. I don’t speak to my own mother and even though she hardly deserves being called a mother, she’s _still my mother. _I’ve tried a couple times to make it work, but she fucks it up each time without any help from anyone.

I need to actively monitor my thoughts and take a second to react to many, many things throughout a day or I’ll find myself slipping into a funk or I’ll knee-jerk react to something and cause a shitty situation for all involved. And I REALLY need to recharge my batteries at times. This has been the hardest thing for me to do because my work ethic tells me to keep hammering away until the job is done when I should be taking a break. 

If I spend too much time paying attention to things that I ultimately see as a negative situation, I’m at risk for putting myself in a funk. Politics is a big one for me because it’s such a shitshow, I can’t devote more than 10 minutes a day to politics. While I don’t consider myself political, I have too many knee-jerk reactions to it that don’t feel good. 

I’m hitting 7 months since the last time I’ve been in a bad mood. That is fucking incredible for me. I used to jump between chipper and furious like someone changing channels on a TV, now I just have good days and the occasional great day. 

The way you discuss being the in-between for people, my knee-jerk reaction to that is “bostjan is probably the type of guy who feels compelled to help people and knowing he’s a logical guy, gets stuck in some illogical situations as a result of that” and if that’s the case, stepping out of that might do you some good. Even if you aren’t personally at odds with either side, it’s still some kind of negative energy floating around in your head and puts you in the line of fire to become part of the situation. 

I just went and asked my boss if I could take this Fri/Mon off to give myself a mini-vacation because she knows I‘ll burn myself out before taking time off and I’m trying to avoid that. I felt a tinge of “Eh….I don’t want to go to work today” this morning so I’m going to try to cut that off before it gets worse. 

I suppose overall in the last year I’ve gone from self-preservation to self-care. The first few months during the divorce and 3 months after was all self-preservation because I was so damn low I could have hit the killswitch at any point and now that I’m out of that shit, I’m just doing what I can to maintain this happiness. 7 months of not having a bad day feels like I won the lottery after 39 years of touch and go days.


----------



## RevDrucifer

nightflameauto said:


> Yeah, I think it takes a certain type of personality working with another certain type of personality to get therapy to do any good, and the good isn't measurable in any scientific way. Then again, it's hard to scientifically measure emotional baggage and its balance with well-being.
> 
> All I know is I came away from every therapy session I ever had thinking, "You really can't pay somebody to care." And since I've known myself well enough to know that 90% of my mental issues are centered on feeling like nobody cared growing up and I was on my own, I'm right ba
> 
> I wanna hit the ditto on this so hard it hurts my hand.



You may have just had a shitty therapist. I didn’t gel with the first one I went to because they just weren’t actually listening to me and kept going for the “what’s he saying behind his words” thing and I’m telling the person “I mean exactly what I say, I’m not speaking in riddles.”

I was using BetterHelp.com and really, I credit that site and the therapist I ended up with as being a major help in the last year. I just had to change therapists to someone who wasn’t forcing their notions on me. The next guy I spoke to was great, often times he’d just let me talk and occasionally he’d ask me a question that would either send me down a rabbit hole or the answer would be some kind of epiphany or realization. 

I’ve always been so “I can do this on my own”, it’s how I got my drinking under control in my 20’s and I changed a LOT about myself from 28-38, but everything surrounding the divorce, especially the gaslighting from a cheating wife who was telling me I was crazy for thinking she was cheating while she WAS cheating….that shit went too deep and was too prevalent in my life to step outside of for me to self-treat. I was begging for help around that time.


----------



## nightflameauto

RevDrucifer said:


> I suppose overall in the last year I’ve gone from self-preservation to self-care. The first few months during the divorce and 3 months after was all self-preservation because I was so damn low I could have hit the killswitch at any point and now that I’m out of that shit, I’m just doing what I can to maintain this happiness. 7 months of not having a bad day feels like I won the lottery after 39 years of touch and go days.


Congrats, man.

Hopefully someday I can feel that way.


----------



## nightflameauto

RevDrucifer said:


> I’ve always been so “I can do this on my own”, it’s how I got my drinking under control in my 20’s and I changed a LOT about myself from 28-38, but everything surrounding the divorce, especially the gaslighting from a cheating wife who was telling me I was crazy for thinking she was cheating while she WAS cheating….that shit went too deep and was too prevalent in my life to step outside of for me to self-treat. I was begging for help around that time.


My therapy history was the therapist and bio-feedback person my parents hired because, "Why can't you just be happy?" Those went well.

Then two I tried on my own, both of which spent so much time talking over my answers I'm not even sure why they asked the questions.

I've spent about a decade now knowing I need help and having no idea where to turn for it. Even if I found someone it's not like I can afford any of the going rates now.


----------



## TedEH

RevDrucifer said:


> And I REALLY need to recharge my batteries at times.


This is one I think we're starting to figure out, and I wish it was a more normal thing. I had to pull this last weekend because I got myself stuck in a bit of a weird funk over the weekend - so I was honest about it. Just strait up said "it's not you, the social batteries are dead. Give me a few days to myself and it'll be fine." Then I took a few days to myself, and was generally fine - but if I hadn't done so, I'd likely have gotten pretty overwhelmed with just little annoyances that stack up. Everyone has their limits.

The other bonus is that saying something like that sometimes leads people to ask themselves what they might be doing to "deplete someone's social batteries" without the need to call anyone out for anything. The next interactions with those same people tend to end up being more considerate just by virtue of not wanting to be the person that others are drained by. It's a win/win. Admit when you're at your social limit. Take some you time. Profit.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

TedEH said:


> And to be clear, I get that for some people, it takes up a significant amount of their life, and so maybe there's something to it being an identifiable feature of a person -
> But at the same time, like anything else, there's ways we take it too far.
> 
> Like youtube/facebook listicles about all the ways anxiety makes you unique and special - I don't think they do us any favours. Almost everyone deals with anxiety in some form or another, at different scales, and yes, some are to the point of being a disorder - but "anxiety" isn't a lifestyle or a fashion.
> 
> 
> Maybe a better way to say what I mean is through this line. ^
> Acceptance is a good thing - recognizing whatever state you're in is a positive, for the most part.
> 
> But I think some damage is done when we do things like play around with the semantics and yell at people for "implying someone needs fixing" etc. If you don't need any issue to be addressed, if you're not impacted negatively, then it's not really a disorder, is it? If it's a disorder, then that implies it impacts you in some negative way that would be better served by being addressed.
> 
> But "identity" is untouchable in the 2020s. So if you can phrase whatever you're dealing with as "a part of me", so that you can side with your "allies", and call anyone who offers you advice "discriminatory" and "shaming" - then you ultimately don't have to ever address yourself, and all of your social circles will back you up. It's a great way to be free of consequences, but not a great way to actually address mental health.
> 
> Edit for fairness: reactions to this post were mostly pre-edit. Feel free to re-evaluate your reactions.



Some really important points in here. A lot of the nonviolent communication that is becoming hip, while it is certainly valid and useful in many contexts, also sets up really unassailable avenues for emotional abuse. My second wife would tell me things like "my boundary right now is not wanting to talk about this, are you going to respect that?" when I would want to discuss ways she'd hurt me, and of fucking course I'm going to respect that. Then next time I brought it up, same thing. It got to the point she'd leave the house and stay at an airbnb when she couldn't handle my feelings in response to her actions. 

Another one is "your feelings aren't my responsibility." Generally true and valid, but also, when you're in a relationship and you do something shitty that hurts your partner..... that's your fucking responsibility. 

These are certainly not the intended uses of these tools but they can be employed to terrifying effectiveness to silence people. It took me close to two years to recognize that it just meant I had to walk away and never hope for any closure or accountability. I'm still learning how to accept that and forgive her for the sake of my own sanity.


----------



## MFB

Well, my incredible skills of sensing were right again, and unfortunately CT pulled the plug, things are a bit chaotic on her end right now so she doesn't think she can commit to anything; I said upfront she has every right to back out between now and then, she doesn't owe me anything as we're strangers, so that's the end of it. Maybe in the future we'll run into each other, but probably not. 

So for now it's on to the RI FWB until something else comes along.


----------



## Spaced Out Ace

nightflameauto said:


> Not to trivialize this shit, but:
> Men who beat women (not at all OK) tend to stop at some point. Women who beat women tend to go for broke, and don't stop until they have to. Girl fights are fuckin' brutal, man.


Agreed. Some might wonder why no one stopped the fight. First, it didn't last long, and second, the fight had cars trying to manuever around it.


----------



## RevDrucifer

nightflameauto said:


> My therapy history was the therapist and bio-feedback person my parents hired because, "Why can't you just be happy?" Those went well.
> 
> Then two I tried on my own, both of which spent so much time talking over my answers I'm not even sure why they asked the questions.
> 
> I've spent about a decade now knowing I need help and having no idea where to turn for it. Even if I found someone it's not like I can afford any of the going rates now.



Check out BetterHelp, man. When you fill out the info just give them a really low number for your income and they’ll adjust their rate accordingly. I had my buddy sign up with them and when discussing pricing, he got a MUCH lower rate than I did, but I was still paying something quite cheap.

And you can change the therapist any time, it’s an easy process. They’ve also got therapists that specialize in specific areas, which I found helpful.


----------



## MFB

RevDrucifer said:


> Check out BetterHelp, man. When you fill out the info just give them a really low number for your income and they’ll adjust their rate accordingly. I had my buddy sign up with them and when discussing pricing, he got a MUCH lower rate than I did, but I was still paying something quite cheap.
> 
> And you can change the therapist any time, it’s an easy process. They’ve also got therapists that specialize in specific areas, which I found helpful.



"And don't forget to use promo code "REV" for 15% your purchase today, that's "REV," R-E-V, for 15% off _today!"_


----------



## RevDrucifer

Hahahaha and now I REALLY have to put my will to the test; at the In Flames show last night, while standing in line I started talking to this _beautiful _woman, expecting her boyfriend or husband to show up at any point, but she was there solo. 

We ended up watching the show together while having a continuous conversation about music/bands, at one point I told her she needed to stop talking because everything coming out of her mouth was perfect.

I asked if I could buy her drink for her while we were at the bar she she kindly declined the offer, then when I went to pay for my drinks the bartender said “You’re good, she got your drinks.” That was fucking smooth because I was standing next to her the whole time and have no clue how she pulled it off without me hearing it.

After I got home from the show we kept talking via IG and have been talking all morning, she’s a guitar player as well! 

I knew this point would eventually come along where someone came into my life and knocked me off my feet. I’ve got no problem keeping the crazy ones at bay, but this woman has zero red flags, is extremely independent and has a lot of the same values/thoughts on life as I do…..and goddamn she’s insanely beautiful. (If jaxadam reads this, she’s a South Florida 10 and wasn’t born down here, she’s a Canuck) I’m trying not to allow myself to feel smitten right now but it’s very hard not to and I’m very strongly getting the idea the feeling is mutual.


----------



## nightflameauto

RevDrucifer said:


> Hahahaha and now I REALLY have to put my will to the test; at the In Flames show last night, while standing in line I started talking to this _beautiful _woman, expecting her boyfriend or husband to show up at any point, but she was there solo.
> 
> We ended up watching the show together while having a continuous conversation about music/bands, at one point I told her she needed to stop talking because everything coming out of her mouth was perfect.
> 
> I asked if I could buy her drink for her while we were at the bar she she kindly declined the offer, then when I went to pay for my drinks the bartender said “You’re good, she got your drinks.” That was fucking smooth because I was standing next to her the whole time and have no clue how she pulled it off without me hearing it.
> 
> After I got home from the show we kept talking via IG and have been talking all morning, she’s a guitar player as well!
> 
> I knew this point would eventually come along where someone came into my life and knocked me off my feet. I’ve got no problem keeping the crazy ones at bay, but this woman has zero red flags, is extremely independent and has a lot of the same values/thoughts on life as I do…..and goddamn she’s insanely beautiful. (If jaxadam reads this, she’s a South Florida 10 and wasn’t born down here, she’s a Canuck) I’m trying not to allow myself to feel smitten right now but it’s very hard not to and I’m very strongly getting the idea the feeling is mutual.


Old school HCAF response: A2M GAPE/MURDER/SUICIDE

Quasi-serious answer: Ask her to come over for "harmony practice." Guitars optional.


----------



## RevDrucifer

nightflameauto said:


> Old school HCAF response: A2M GAPE/MURDER/SUICIDE
> 
> Quasi-serious answer: Ask her to come over for "harmony practice." Guitars optional.



We’re hanging out this weekend to play some guitar together and I’m going to behave as much as possible and just pray she doesn’t suggest cocktails because I’ll be done for.


----------



## jaxadam

RevDrucifer said:


> (If jaxadam reads this, she’s a South Florida 10 and wasn’t born down here, she’s a Canuck)



A South Florida 10 that's originally from Canada rolling solo at an In Flames show and plays the guitar?!? Hot damn man I'd say you just won the lottery! I'd better be invited to the wedding!


----------



## RevDrucifer

jaxadam said:


> A South Florida 10 that's originally from Canada rolling solo at an In Flames show and plays the guitar?!? Hot damn man I'd say you just won the lottery! I'd better be invited to the wedding!



EXACTLY! Though I’ll be hard pressed to ever get married again!


----------



## TedEH

RevDrucifer said:


> this woman has zero red flags


Is that a red flag in itself?



RevDrucifer said:


> she’s a Canuck


I take it back.


----------



## jaxadam

RevDrucifer said:


> EXACTLY! Though I’ll be hard pressed to ever get married again!



We can just do something informal at Scarlett’s.


----------



## mastapimp

TedEH said:


> Is that a red flag in itself?
> 
> 
> I take it back.


The whole "South Florida" part is a red flag, but the Canadian element probably mellows it out. I speak from experience...my wife is from Ft. Lauderdale.


----------



## RevDrucifer

jaxadam said:


> We can just do something informal at Scarlett’s.



Hahahahah you’d think as big as this damn city is (she lives in Hollywood) that we wouldn’t know the same people…..she fucking knows my ex-wife!


----------



## RevDrucifer

mastapimp said:


> The whole "South Florida" part is a red flag, but the Canadian element probably mellows it out. I speak from experience...my wife is from Ft. Lauderdale.



You’re not wrong. Thankfully, this one has only been here for 10 years. 

It’s the ones who were born here….eek.


----------



## RevDrucifer

I had a little come to Drucifer talk with myself last night and cut off all my giddiness. That giddiness is EXACTLY what gets me in trouble because I’ll follow it headfirst into a relationship. 

I’m still talking to her and she’s still coming over this weekend, I just dropped any kind of ideas related to viewing her in a romantic light.


----------



## MFB

Got into some naughty texting last night with the new lady, we're meeting up tonight for some dinner and some shopping as I need to replace some sweaters and who better to weigh in on what makes me hottest than a woman? Should be a good time, just have to play nice while we're out.


----------



## MFB

Got a response on OKC from a chick who I sent an opener to legit month and a half ago; didn't see that coming but doesn't really seem like it's high on her list of things to get back to.


----------



## Church2224

So I posted this back in May in the "Why are you sad right now?" Thread 

"Finally pulled a trigger and broke it off permanently with my girlfriend today...

It's hard to put into words everything that has happened, so I will start from the beginning. I am mainly writing this as I am trying to process everything as I am having a hard time understanding what I am going through and honestly the heartbreak is heavy....

We started talking last June. At the time I had gotten news I was promoted to Project Manager at my job and if I did well at that for some time I would be made Account manager. I was also running my own landscape business with enough work that after everything I was pulling in over $2k a week buying whatever I wanted, on time with my bills and my finances were looking great. Between my job and my business I was on track to making well over 6 figures. I personally was walking in high cotton...

Then her and I met on Hinge and we started talking. She was absolutely gorgeous. However, a few red flags started to show. We would have conversations on the phone before we met and she would forget about them the next morning. She would say she did not want to meet me because looking at my social media she thought I was "too nerdy" and would not hold up to her standards. Well finally she thinks we should meet and we go out on out first date and grab dinner. We go for a walk, find a bench, talk and start making out like high schoolers. I take her back to her car and she has her head rested on my chest and tells me she does not want me to go anywhere. Next week we grab a hotel and dinner and have sex for the first time. Soon after I am going to her place every week and meeting her family, however we were not official.

I start noticing more red flags. She drinks heavily, often taking pills as well. The way she talks to people is rude and not appropriate and she belittles me for my little ticks and thinks I could not stand with her "cool " friends. Also She wants me to keep going to her house and meet her family yet she does not want to meet mine, calls me nerdy for all of my interests and hobbies, and calls me a pussy because, at least she thought, I could not stand up for myself (She didn't know a damn thing about my past and how I threw people against the wall if they messed with my friends and family). The real kicker is she does not want to make things official, she still wants to talk to other guys.

A few weeks pass by and we find out she is pregnant, and it is my child. She said she would get an abortion but being the man I am I told her not to and I would help with the baby since its my kid. And if she did not want the child, I would raise it. A few days later though she tells, though, she had a miscarriage, and we are left devastated.

Soon after we decide to make things official because I stood up and told her I was not playing any more games as I am looking for something serious and would be moving on. We get serious and things go well, except when she drinks. She is verbally abusive and yells and talks down to me. Finally, I sat down with her that she needed to get better, and she does, staying with her parents to help. This goes well and it was the best time we were together. She tells me she wants to marry me and have a family, how great a person I am, ect. I start feeling the same way. We even talk about having a kid in the next year or two because she would be turning 35 and did not want to miss out on having a child.

This lasts about a month and a half; she started drinking again and this point it is so bad she does not go to work for weeks on her. She also talks down to me and we continue to argue. My performance at work and my business start to suffer. Because she wants so much time with me, I lose work and lost almost half of the work my business has in just a short amount of time. Also, my bosses at my job begin to question what is going on as I show up late and have a hard time focusing. I also miss band practice and guitar lessons to help maintain everything. I tell her all of these things and she tells me "I don't care because you don't spend enough time with me anyway." We also start having less sex and she gets on me for working so much and spending time with my hobbies and passions.

It gets to the point Mother's Day I leave her house to go see my mom and have dinner with her and she decides to go to her sister's house. Well again she gets drunk and tells her sister I am not spending time with her, and I should be with her, not my family on Mother's Day. She and her sister get into a fight and finally her sister had enough and calls me and tells me everything going on and tells me I need to end it with her because she needs help. That night my girl tells me she is going to kill herself and she is not happy with life. She also tells me, that the miscarriage she had, may not have been a miscarriage at all, but just a really bad period as the doctors never confirmed nor tested her for a miscarriage or pregnancy. I call her mom and dad who go by her house. She does not let them in, and they call the police who say she claims I am just her ex, and she is lying about everything....

She calls me the next day and she is still drunk. Her mom goes to get her, and her mom also tells me to end it with her because she needs help. My girl and I talk, and I told her she needs help. She decides to stay with her parents again and get back to work. She spends a few days recovering from the withdrawals, eventually going back to work. Well, we decide to try and work it out, until over the past week there were a few times I was going to come see her and she cancels. She also begins missing work again. Meanwhile I am working my new job (left my previous job for a whole mess of reasons) being a supervisor for a landscape company while also running my own business. I also get heat exhaustion and feel sick most of the week this week. So, I am tired and burnt out and she said she wants me over with her family for memorial and wants crazy sex beyond our wildest dreams. So today comes and I am packing up and getting ready to head over, when she calls me, she does not want me to come and cannot emotionally handle us being together and wants us to be friends. At first, she tries to put it back on me, and I finally snap. I hang up the phone, then try calling her, until I tell her I am finally done with everything and wish her a nice life....

I know this is a lot and I hope this all makes sense; it's been a very emotional day....

The thing that is really getting to me is I sacrificed my business, job, friendships, passions, band.... so much to maintain this relationship because this is the person who I thought I was going to marry, and this is how it ends. Thank you to anyone who has listened.

I just want to know has anyone been in a similar position and how did you get through it and recover?"

The reason I am posting this again is because it is still relevant. A couple of weeks after this I reached out to check on her because I missed her. We kept talking for a bit and it seemed alright until one day we were talking, and we were talking about how we met. I told her I hired a friend of mine who owns a date coaching/ matchmaking/ relationship help business to set up my dating profiles when we met. At this point she called me desperate and told me she felt like a loser for dating me. I flipped out on her and told her to go to hell because I was tired of her telling me I was a loser and her thinking she was better than me. 

The sad thing is, I still think about her every day. I wonder where I go wrong, what I could have done to fix it, and if I will ever find someone as beautiful as her again, all the same shit. I then think about the relationship, the red flags, and see how miserable I was at the same time. I have tried moving on, but I have gotten stood up two already for dates which has decreased my motivation.

For the time being I am working on myself, going to the gym, working, playing guitar, looking for a better job, ect. I guess I am asking who you all have gotten past previous relationships that impacted you significantly and how you kept having hope that one day you will find some one better. I don't mean to sound a certain way but this has been on my mind and I need to get past this relationship for me to have a better life.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

@Church2224 I empathize deeply with you. I was madly in love with my second wife and our relationship crashed and burned. I made a lot of sacrifices similar to you and felt similarly taken advantage of/invalidated. She too struggled with addiction and mental health issues. I cared for her deeply, still do. You don't just stop loving someone. I wanted to be there for her but you can't fix people, only they can help themselves and if they're not ready to they'll drag you down with them. I tried to remain her friend but eventually had to cut her out of my life completely, we just kept getting trapped in the same toxic cycles that destroyed our relationship.

I'm in a much healthier relationship now. One thing I've learned is you don't "get over" stuff. You learn how to live with it, learn from it, and the trauma eventually just becomes a part of the sum of who you are. Figure out how to forgive her for your own sanity. I'm still working on that one. I still wake up mad a couple times a week, rehashing old arguments, reliving situations I felt invalidated in. Last year I woke up mad _every single day._ It gets better.

Also, try not to compare people. Beauty comes in many forms. If you can unlearn your attachment to conventional beauty standards, you'll be much happier for it. We were a very conventionally attractive/hip couple and that fact kept me around a lot longer than might otherwise have been the case.

Also also, therapy is rad. Give it a shot.


----------



## MFB

God damn, I haven't been able to catch a break with new boo. She only goes into the office that's ~40 mins from me one day a week, but she was making up hours and slept like shit the night before, so I didn't want her to come over on that day. Then the day we were aiming for she had a couple appointments, one of which is physically taxing but she said it'd be fine - spoiler alert: it wasn't, so we cancelled until the weekend. She got sick over the weekend on top of also having a reaction to some makeup remover at a different appointment, and now who knows when we'll get together.

I'm busy Friday, she's busy Saturday, I'm assuming won't want to come up Sunday because of that, so minimum next Tuesday? Like, every fucking woman I match with has some whirlwind event that puts them out of sync with my schedule somehow.


----------



## RevDrucifer

Church2224 said:


> So I posted this back in May in the "Why are you sad right now?" Thread



Hahaha, I’m not laughing at you, just the parallels of my own life and putting someone else above all the things that are important to me.

Keep chilling on your own for a while, man. That girl has a LOT of issues she’s got to deal with and really, you can’t be a part of that. Whatever she has going on in her life that’s causing her to drink and behave like that is deeply rooted shit and is going to take her years, if not her entire life to come to terms with and that’s IF she decides to take action for the better.

When my ex and I split last year after 15 years, I had months where I couldn’t sleep because the endless questions in my head. I was able to get some closure on some of those questions by directly asking her and some things I just had to let go of, but man, I highly recommend you cut your losses and just stay away from that chick because here is the part where YOU have stuff to work on-

There’s a reason why you were willing to allow someone to take priority over the important things in your life and I strongly, strongly recommend you understand those reasons before getting in another relationship because the same thing will happen. 

Speaking for myself, my low self-worth and lack of self-love are precisely what allowed me to think it was ok to put my goals/things that were important to me on hold for the sake of someone else. There are no guarantees that anyone you do this for will be in your life forever and I will not make that same mistake again. Not at 40.

I am flat out refusing to get into another relationship until I am 100% confident that I will stick to my guns and treat myself as an equal in the relationship. So many people find their value and/or identity IN a relationship and I don’t think that’s healthy, at all. I’ve certainly been guilty of it, especially when the relationship is a successful one. 

You dodged a few bullets there, man. Maintain your Neo/Matrix pose for a while. If you’re still feeling *anything* from the previous chick, don’t even consider a new one. You run the risk of dumping those feelings, negative or positive, on the new woman, or you have resentments that creep their way out. 

Get back to that point you were before you met this chick, when you were standing on your own two feet and kicking ass at life and don’t let go of it again. And trust me, once you’re back in that zone and life is going great on your own, you won’t have a problem finding another woman, they can recognize it all on their own. You just need to be careful about who you let in.


----------



## RevDrucifer

wheresthefbomb said:


> @Church2224 I empathize deeply with you. I was madly in love with my second wife and our relationship crashed and burned. I made a lot of sacrifices similar to you and felt similarly taken advantage of/invalidated. She too struggled with addiction and mental health issues. I cared for her deeply, still do. You don't just stop loving someone. I wanted to be there for her but you can't fix people, only they can help themselves and if they're not ready to they'll drag you down with them. I tried to remain her friend but eventually had to cut her out of my life completely, we just kept getting trapped in the same toxic cycles that destroyed our relationship.
> 
> I'm in a much healthier relationship now. One thing I've learned is you don't "get over" stuff. You learn how to live with it, learn from it, and the trauma eventually just becomes a part of the sum of who you are. Figure out how to forgive her for your own sanity. I'm still working on that one. I still wake up mad a couple times a week, rehashing old arguments, reliving situations I felt invalidated in. Last year I woke up mad _every single day._ It gets better.
> 
> Also, try not to compare people. Beauty comes in many forms. If you can unlearn your attachment to conventional beauty standards, you'll be much happier for it. We were a very conventionally attractive/hip couple and that fact kept me around a lot longer than might otherwise have been the case.
> 
> Also also, therapy is rad. Give it a shot.



My sentiment on forgiving the ex-

I was able to forgive her, but it was for my own sanity. She never even asked for it, which I directly brought up to her along with the questions “Is it because you know what you did is unforgivable or because you truly don’t believe what you did was wrong?” and she couldn’t even give me an answer that night. It wasn’t until months later she half-way gave me an answer simply by saying “I know you don’t owe me anything and if you even respond to this I’ll be thankful….” (it was for some legal documents).

My current stance, which I know she knows as a mutual friend relayed it to her was “I wish her well, but she can fuck off.” and I’m fine keeping things that way.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

RevDrucifer said:


> My sentiment on forgiving the ex-
> 
> I was able to forgive her, but it was for my own sanity. She never even asked for it, which I directly brought up to her along with the questions “Is it because you know what you did is unforgivable or because you truly don’t believe what you did was wrong?” and she couldn’t even give me an answer that night. It wasn’t until months later she half-way gave me an answer simply by saying “I know you don’t owe me anything and if you even respond to this I’ll be thankful….” (it was for some legal documents).
> 
> My current stance, which I know she knows as a mutual friend relayed it to her was “I wish her well, but she can fuck off.” and I’m fine keeping things that way.



Yeah I cut her off entirely. "Forgiving her" is entirely a mental exercise, she will never have the opportunity to hear it from me, a circumstance she chose by her own actions.


----------



## RevDrucifer

wheresthefbomb said:


> Yeah I cut her off entirely. "Forgiving her" is entirely a mental exercise, she will never have the opportunity to hear it from me, a circumstance she chose by her own actions.



Hell, I’m not even sure if I ever said it to my ex. I know we discussed it but I don’t think I actually said the words to her. I haven’t decided if this is me being petty/holding a grudge, but I don’t really care if she knows or not. Frankly, if it’s causing her any anguish, she’s got two more years until we’re even. 

Edit- That sounds a little colder than I intended it to, but it’s not off base. My exit from that relationship was 100% guilt free and I never once dropped my sincerity in dealing with her or any agreements we had in place. I got a pretty big check from the home owner’s insurance refund last year that was mailed directly to me, while I had several people saying “Screw it! Keep it!”, I just Zelle’d her the money immediately. One of the only things that kept me standing that whole time was the pride of knowing I wasn’t the one who fucked up.


----------



## wheresthefbomb

RevDrucifer said:


> Hell, I’m not even sure if I ever said it to my ex. I know we discussed it but I don’t think I actually said the words to her. I haven’t decided if this is me being petty/holding a grudge, but I don’t really care if she knows or not. Frankly, if it’s causing her any anguish, she’s got two more years until we’re even.
> 
> Edit- That sounds a little colder than I intended it to, but it’s not off base. My exit from that relationship was 100% guilt free and I never once dropped my sincerity in dealing with her or any agreements we had in place. I got a pretty big check from the home owner’s insurance refund last year that was mailed directly to me, while I had several people saying “Screw it! Keep it!”, I just Zelle’d her the money immediately. One of the only things that kept me standing that whole time was the pride of knowing I wasn’t the one who fucked up.



Yeah, I am also very proud of how I handled myself despite the circumstances. I had some terse words here and there, but I kept most of my thoughts and feelings to myself. I gave her the benefit of the doubt consistently even after leaving the relationship. Honestly I think that upset her more than me just being an asshole would have. She threatened me with police reports, sending transcripts of our conversations to friends, etc, and I just told her go for it, I have nothing to hide and didn't say anything I regret. Me being an abusive asshole would have made a much more convenient narrative for her. 

I didn't pay her back for helping with vet bills though. I tried to venmo and cashapp her and she'd blocked me on both so I screen capped the error message and called it my due diligence. As far as I'm concerned that money is gone, and if I'd known she was going to threaten me with a small claims court (over $400 good luck lol) I never would've accepted it.


----------



## dr_game0ver

So, after weeks of been sick, having stomach pain, major lack of sleep (i'm less than 20h this week), i have finally put to word the cause of all of it. The most horrible curse of all: Love.
Why, just why?... Why now? and most important, why her?
We worked together (still the same company tho), she moved from my team since June. I fell nothing at the time other than a friendly "that sux".
Physically, she is pretty much the exact opposite of my taste in woman: Tall, skinny, nothing to hold on too, have a double chin, tattoos, piercings, dual colour hair (she is a kind of discount 2009 punk rock look).
Speaking of 2009, her Facebook page (which is up to date) is so cringe, black and white pics, close ups of her face, lots of hair and clothing stuff and the best of all: so much pseudo "smart" philosophical crap about love, friendship and stuff. To be fair, it makes a good nostalgic read.
BUT: she is hard working, knows how to use her brain, her hands, she is so nice with everyone... I guess don't judge a girl by her Facebook page.
BUT BUT: She is technically my boss, her friends are annoying and her BF, which is a coworker of mine, is such a Lazy, annoying ass. They have so little chemistry that, when i joined the team, i thought he was dating an other girl because they were so friendly. Just nothing. They barely looks at each other, barely talk, doesn't help her at all, is always talking, and little detail, he hates me for reason i have yet to discovers. I just can't understand why they are together.
I guess, knowing buy her history of: Abuse from her parents, self harm, suicidal attempt (!), she just needs someone. Anybody. And he was there. Their relation is basically a 3 years long one night stand. He should have left a long time ago. Which he did because he cheated on her. But she forgave him because, and i quote directly from her: "He loves me". Not we love each other. "He loves me". ...Ok girl... Sure. But he gifted her some expensive jewelry so i guess that's ok. ...Women...

This sh*t is destroying my life. I don't eat, don't sleep, think of her all the time, i am angry all the time, i am a dick to some of my coworkers. 
I just want to move on, play games, guitars, do bike rides and stuff. Why dit it had to be her, why now... This is awful, i hate this, how do i get rid of it? I could get rid of him, that will calm me down for a while but i don't think it will help. Plus i will have to do his job and i don't want that.

Ho yeah, she ils also 8 years younger than me. which does'n help.

Tx for reading, please like and comment... I need social interaction...


----------



## TedEH

There's so many red flags in there. Run the other way and don't look back. Go to some shows. Go buy some gear that can keep your attention for a while. Pick up a new hobby/book/video game/anything. Find a less risky person to get stuck on. You have lots of options. We believe in you.


----------



## RevDrucifer

dr_game0ver said:


> So, after weeks of been sick, having stomach pain, major lack of sleep (i'm less than 20h this week), i have finally put to word the cause of all of it. The most horrible curse of all: Love.
> Why, just why?... Why now? and most important, why her?
> We worked together (still the same company tho), she moved from my team since June. I fell nothing at the time other than a friendly "that sux".
> Physically, she is pretty much the exact opposite of my taste in woman: Tall, skinny, nothing to hold on too, have a double chin, tattoos, piercings, dual colour hair (she is a kind of discount 2009 punk rock look).
> Speaking of 2009, her Facebook page (which is up to date) is so cringe, black and white pics, close ups of her face, lots of hair and clothing stuff and the best of all: so much pseudo "smart" philosophical crap about love, friendship and stuff. To be fair, it makes a good nostalgic read.
> BUT: she is hard working, knows how to use her brain, her hands, she is so nice with everyone... I guess don't judge a girl by her Facebook page.
> BUT BUT: She is technically my boss, her friends are annoying and her BF, which is a coworker of mine, is such a Lazy, annoying ass. They have so little chemistry that, when i joined the team, i thought he was dating an other girl because they were so friendly. Just nothing. They barely looks at each other, barely talk, doesn't help her at all, is always talking, and little detail, he hates me for reason i have yet to discovers. I just can't understand why they are together.
> I guess, knowing buy her history of: Abuse from her parents, self harm, suicidal attempt (!), she just needs someone. Anybody. And he was there. Their relation is basically a 3 years long one night stand. He should have left a long time ago. Which he did because he cheated on her. But she forgave him because, and i quote directly from her: "He loves me". Not we love each other. "He loves me". ...Ok girl... Sure. But he gifted her some expensive jewelry so i guess that's ok. ...Women...
> 
> This sh*t is destroying my life. I don't eat, don't sleep, think of her all the time, i am angry all the time, i am a dick to some of my coworkers.
> I just want to move on, play games, guitars, do bike rides and stuff. Why dit it had to be her, why now... This is awful, i hate this, how do i get rid of it? I could get rid of him, that will calm me down for a while but i don't think it will help. Plus i will have to do his job and i don't want that.
> 
> Ho yeah, she ils also 8 years younger than me. which does'n help.
> 
> Tx for reading, please like and comment... I need social interaction...



Fuck all that shit, dude. 

Life’s too short to get hung up on someone with that many red flags who is in a relationship. That’s just self-perpetuating hell to live in. 

Also, I’ve worked with girlfriends in the past and depending on the girlfriend, it was either great or fucking horrible. The great ones were the ones where we’d go into work and just do our jobs to the point no one knew we were in a relationship because we’d check the relationship at the door when we walked in the building. Definitely don’t take their work behavior as a reflection of their romantic relationship, the two don’t always equate.

But really, don’t think about it at all because it’s not worth it. In any way whatsoever. None. Nada. 

Tough love moment- it’s not “her” that’s causing this, it’s you. Going off this post, you’re putting way too much into another human being. You’re not even in a relationship with her and the post did not indicate she is aware of your feelings towards her or that you’ve had any kind of non-professional relationship with her at all, so I tend to believe this is something entirely existing only in your head. That’s not healthy, that’s obsessive. 

As cheesy as it sounds, that same love and longing you’re feeling for her, you need to figure out how to feel that for yourself. Once you‘re feeling that love for yourself, shit like this won’t happen.


----------



## dr_game0ver

RevDrucifer said:


> Also, I’ve worked with girlfriends in the past and depending on the girlfriend, it was either great or fucking horrible. The great ones were the ones where we’d go into work and just do our jobs to the point no one knew we were in a relationship because we’d check the relationship at the door when we walked in the building. Definitely don’t take their work behavior as a reflection of their romantic relationship, the two don’t always equate.


Yeah, i regret spending to much time on that. thing is, they live together, work together, go on vacation together, she has no friend on her own. I get distancing themselves as much as they can, BUT, like i said, he his a dick. Not helping her, pranking her, mocking her in front of everyone. To me, they have more of a mother/son relationship. She is trying her best to raise him but he just wont listen. EVER!

I have work with couples before, bet never like this one.
Or maybe i just dont like him because, since my 15, i've work with old school workers. Loads of shouting and discipline. Seen him wandering around like a kid in a store, talking, singing all day, not doing much goes against my working education.




RevDrucifer said:


> Tough love moment- it’s not “her” that’s causing this, it’s you. Going off this post, you’re putting way too much into another human being. You’re not even in a relationship with her and the post did not indicate she is aware of your feelings towards her or that you’ve had any kind of non-professional relationship with her at all, so I tend to believe this is something entirely existing only in your head. That’s not healthy, that’s obsessive.


This exactly. That's my real question here: Why has my brain decided to focus on her so obsessively. I know there will never be a "us". There are to many reasons why it wouldn't work.

As for my feelings towards her, we talked a lot and she was smart enough to figure out that i really enjoyed working with her as she takes her job seriously. I never let her believed there was anything other than friendship. Guess i was just the gay best friend she so needed. (not gay BTW). Her life IS her job. Her bf and all of her friends are ALL coworkers, so i get having an outsider she can finely confesses to without having everybody knowing was a big relief for her. Probably why he bf hates me so much.


And before any of you makes any judgement on her: her previous life is long gone, she works really hard at her job to get where she is today: Assistant manager of my previous team. I know for a fact everything is working great for her. She is completely clean, never did drugs, never slept around (she's only on her 3rd bf), drinks responsively and have good friends.

anyway, going to bed, hope just talking about it released my brain. I really need sleep.


----------



## TedEH

I don't think anyone here is judging _her_. The only thing we know about her is that you don't think her relationship is great - which you're clearly biased about. You gatta be careful not to stray into "nice guy" territory.


----------



## dr_game0ver

I very am. He was a dick to me the minute i walked in on the first day.

Anyway, since i only had 2 hours of sleep thin night, i hat time to think about this situation and i came in with a theory that makes sense and is not as creepy.

I think i am suffering a mix between fear and over-stress. One of the think i hate the most in life is changes. Soon at work, they will do a complete overhaul of the building, the basic way we work will be changed. Also, lots a peoples a leaving or coming at an alarming rate and since i have absolutely no memory for names it kind of sucks for me.
If you have seen my post on the "why are you mad" thread, i had only one week on vacation in the last 13 months. And since i give a lot of crap to some other colleagues because they dont "do enough" and they could "do better", i am pushing myself way to much to make sure i stay on the top on the rank just to prove a point no one but me cares about. Did i mention i am not really a good person? 
I think this is may body telling me to chill the F out.

So what does she have to do with all of this?
She was the best thing about my job, so nice, so friendly. I think by brain is using her as a work related "happy place". A sort of anger or frustration fuse to calm me down. Which is so not at all super creepy .

You see, i am not in love, i'm just insane.

Best thing about it, i was thinking about it all night and all morning and for the first time since last week, stomach pain is gone.

Or some kind of virus and my brain went bonkers.


----------



## MFB

dr_game0ver said:


> You see, i am not in love, i'm just insane.
> 
> [...]
> 
> Or some kind of virus and my brain went bonkers.



They're the same thing


----------



## dr_game0ver

MFB said:


> They're the same thing


The second one was for the whole story.


----------



## RevDrucifer

dr_game0ver said:


> Did i mention i am not really a good person?
> 
> 
> You see, i am not in love, i'm just insane.





RevDrucifer said:


> Fuck all that shit, dude.
> 
> As cheesy as it sounds, that same love and longing you’re feeling for her, you need to figure out how to feel that for yourself. Once you‘re feeling that love for yourself, shit like this won’t happen.


----------



## RevDrucifer

dr_game0ver said:


> Stuff



I tried to edit my first post but got caught up with work before I hit the time limit for editing.

It took me 39 years to understand the self-love thing and I’m still learning what it fully entails and how to maintain it. One thing you said really stuck out to me, the one vacation in 13 months bit. I’m notorious for working myself to the point of burn out and as part of my review earlier this year, my boss instructed me that I need to be better about taking time off before I hit my burn out. 

Last week I was grabbing my keys to leave for work and felt the “Ugh….work...” thing in my gut, so as soon as I got in, I put in for two PTO days and gave myself a 4-day weekend. Just enough to hit my reset switch and shut my work brain off for a little while. 

I’ve spent nearly 90% of my life in a relationship, starting when I was 13. In 3 months from now, it’ll be the longest I’ve gone without being in some kind of relationship since I was 13 years old, I barely know what life is like without someone with me and I absolutely tied my identity to relationships for a long time. I didn’t even have time or space to learn about self-love within all that.

Conversely, I have a couple of friends who haven’t had a girlfriend since high school (we’re all around 40 now) and they sit around and mope about it and are very much under the belief that they won’t be complete until they have someone else in their life. That’s not healthy and is a total disregard for self-love.

IMO, I’ve never seen a good relationship last unless both people already have that self-love going on before they got into the relationship. They all turn to shit in one way or another if one or both people don’t have that self-love already. 

Make that your focus. And once you find it, learn how to maintain it and nurture it. I promise you, I don’t care what you look like, what you weigh, how much money you have, if you have abundant love for yourself, you WILL attract a partner and you won’t even have to work to do it. If anything, you’ll have to work to keep them at bay.


----------



## dr_game0ver

I read your message yesterday, didn't took the time to answer cause i lack so much sleep. less than 20h since Monday. Yes. I took 2 weeks of work in mid November. I need it so bad.

I was still trying to figure out my problem up until i heard a conversation between my boss and an other guy right i was clocking out.
The timing was so impeccable, so perfect. Like 10 seconds sooner or later and i would have missed it.
F that place. So bad. I have one week left before vacation, I don't want to be here. EVER AGAIN! 

I' m crying as i am typing this. It hasn't happened in over 20 years. This place is so toxic. So much rage and salt. I have to leave. 

Next week is gonna be so much fun knowing what these two had said.

About self love, i already have the intention to work out and loose some weight, still need to work on social interactions.

Since a bad job in 2017, i have hand injuries. I wasn't playing much guitar back then (just good old death mean riffs). I need to relearn to play guitar. I want to do music, i want to right songs, already have ideas, even if it is acid électro. i don't care.

Barely seen my friends since Covid, and since lockdown in France happened few days after getting hire at my job, barely had time to do shit since.

I want to do bike ride, some enduro...

For now, i just need to get the hell out of this place.

Thanks you guys for making me realized my life wasn't as good and that i need to get things done while i still can.


----------



## MFB

Sigh, I think I have to end things with the new chick, not really how I thought things would go but I think it's what has to happen. Maybe it's just the SAD kicking in, maybe it's that the "new person" sheen has worn off, but the reality is: she works 80% of the week from her home which is an hour and a half away, the one day she's in the office is still 45 mins away from me, and if she comes by afterwards she still at some point has to go home even later. 

It's been two weeks of just texting due to schedule conflicts, she got sick, or already has plans, and it's minimum another week and half before we'd be able to get to see each other. I swore we wouldn't be pen-pals, and she said last weekend when we adjusted our plans that if she didn't see me then, then she never would and unfortunately it just seems like those sealed our fate. No real loss on her end, she's still got her hubs and pup at home, but I think that's the last time I'm entertaining someone with that name (cue rom-com meet cute where I suddenly end up fucking married to one).


----------



## Church2224

wheresthefbomb said:


> @Church2224 I empathize deeply with you. I was madly in love with my second wife and our relationship crashed and burned. I made a lot of sacrifices similar to you and felt similarly taken advantage of/invalidated. She too struggled with addiction and mental health issues. I cared for her deeply, still do. You don't just stop loving someone. I wanted to be there for her but you can't fix people, only they can help themselves and if they're not ready to they'll drag you down with them. I tried to remain her friend but eventually had to cut her out of my life completely, we just kept getting trapped in the same toxic cycles that destroyed our relationship.
> 
> I'm in a much healthier relationship now. One thing I've learned is you don't "get over" stuff. You learn how to live with it, learn from it, and the trauma eventually just becomes a part of the sum of who you are. Figure out how to forgive her for your own sanity. I'm still working on that one. I still wake up mad a couple times a week, rehashing old arguments, reliving situations I felt invalidated in. Last year I woke up mad _every single day._ It gets better.
> 
> Also, try not to compare people. Beauty comes in many forms. If you can unlearn your attachment to conventional beauty standards, you'll be much happier for it. We were a very conventionally attractive/hip couple and that fact kept me around a lot longer than might otherwise have been the case.
> 
> Also also, therapy is rad. Give it a shot.





RevDrucifer said:


> Hahaha, I’m not laughing at you, just the parallels of my own life and putting someone else above all the things that are important to me.
> 
> Keep chilling on your own for a while, man. That girl has a LOT of issues she’s got to deal with and really, you can’t be a part of that. Whatever she has going on in her life that’s causing her to drink and behave like that is deeply rooted shit and is going to take her years, if not her entire life to come to terms with and that’s IF she decides to take action for the better.
> 
> When my ex and I split last year after 15 years, I had months where I couldn’t sleep because the endless questions in my head. I was able to get some closure on some of those questions by directly asking her and some things I just had to let go of, but man, I highly recommend you cut your losses and just stay away from that chick because here is the part where YOU have stuff to work on-
> 
> There’s a reason why you were willing to allow someone to take priority over the important things in your life and I strongly, strongly recommend you understand those reasons before getting in another relationship because the same thing will happen.
> 
> Speaking for myself, my low self-worth and lack of self-love are precisely what allowed me to think it was ok to put my goals/things that were important to me on hold for the sake of someone else. There are no guarantees that anyone you do this for will be in your life forever and I will not make that same mistake again. Not at 40.
> 
> I am flat out refusing to get into another relationship until I am 100% confident that I will stick to my guns and treat myself as an equal in the relationship. So many people find their value and/or identity IN a relationship and I don’t think that’s healthy, at all. I’ve certainly been guilty of it, especially when the relationship is a successful one.
> 
> You dodged a few bullets there, man. Maintain your Neo/Matrix pose for a while. If you’re still feeling *anything* from the previous chick, don’t even consider a new one. You run the risk of dumping those feelings, negative or positive, on the new woman, or you have resentments that creep their way out.
> 
> Get back to that point you were before you met this chick, when you were standing on your own two feet and kicking ass at life and don’t let go of it again. And trust me, once you’re back in that zone and life is going great on your own, you won’t have a problem finding another woman, they can recognize it all on their own. You just need to be careful about who you let in.



Hey everyone, I apologize for the delayed responses. I appreciate the input. Since this I have started seeing my therapist and she helped me put a lot into perspective. Mainly how she has issues of her own and how I did treat her really well, I mean, REALLY well. I was no saint, but I visited her every weekend and spent time with her family (She did not spend time with mine) Got her thoughtful, flowers delivered to her house, mowed her lawn, help her clean, supported her interests and carreer ambitions, ect. In fact I was pretty damn good. Plus It seems she has a narcissistic personality and I have to realize that is something I have to get past. 

For now, I am focusing on myself and my work. Been going back to the gym (Lots of gorgeous woman there), getting back into music, ect. Hopefully life gets better and this takes a good direction for me. 

I also been hooking up with a female Cougar friend of mine to help take the edge off. While I am not romantically interested in her, it's a good stress relief for the both of us.


----------



## TedEH

Ok - so I find myself occasionally in a situation where I can't decide if I'm the asshole or not, so imma make like it's reddit and leave that call to the forum:

The lady I'm seeing right now is someone who my family has sort of known for a while. Went to the same high school, so we have common friends, she knows my family, etc. One time, more than a decade ago, my brother and his then-gf crashed at her apartment for a while - it had become this sort of common house for a bunch of people because she's sometimes too generous and wouldn't kick anyone out. Fast forward the decade or so, and we meet back up again, date off-and-on, etc. Right at this moment, my family is going through a bunch of drama, and I'm of the opinion that it's best not to jump in at every opportunity - in part so that the drama doesn't spill over onto us for no reason, and because I don't think it's appropriate to jump into other people's business and try to solve all their problems for them if they didn't ask. It takes agency away from people, can feel invasive, etc.

The part where I feel like a jerk is that she doesn't quite operate that way: as in - she's 100% onboard with jumping head first into other people's business and trying to solve their problems - especially with my brother, who she feels she 'gets' because they're both stoners and technically lived in the same place for a few months a decade ago. So while his drama is going down, she keeps trying to solve stuff for him - his internet got cut off, she tried to get me to grill him on technical details so she can call her ISP friends and troubleshoot it for him. I said no, because it's more appropriate for him to just call them himself and deal with it. He messages me saying he thinks he needs to move out of where he is - she immediately reaches out to him and asks him what he wants in a new apartment so she can go look for places for him. I told her he can handle it on his own, and that's not why he reached out to me about it (which is the truth - he's more than capable of apartment hunting, but there's a family issue in the way of moving). This morning, she asks me to give her his number, because he mentioned over the weekend that the person he gets his weed from (also family) has been flaky, so she's going to find him a better way to get it - I tried to get her to back down from this by saying that he was probably getting it from family because they'd give it to him for free, but she found some excuse, found the number without me, and even sent me his number with "oh, here it is, you should also have his number" - which I found was really awkward.

I feel like she has trouble understanding that there are boundaries being pushed here - that it's not appropriate to a) insert yourself into everyone elses problems, and b) navigate around me to contact them directly in order to do so. I'm also very worried that she's going to, at any moment, volunteer me for things I didn't sign up for, or promise people that I'll give them money.

At the same time, her intent is good, and I've got no right to tell her who she can or can't talk to or why.

So am I in the wrong for trying to overly control those boundaries? Or is she crossing some legitimate lines by butting into other people's business without being asked?


----------



## ArtDecade

TedEH said:


> Ok - so I find myself occasionally in a situation where I can't decide if I'm the asshole or not, so imma make like it's reddit and leave that call to the forum:
> 
> The lady I'm seeing right now is someone who my family has sort of known for a while. Went to the same high school, so we have common friends, she knows my family, etc. One time, more than a decade ago, my brother and his then-gf crashed at her apartment for a while - it had become this sort of common house for a bunch of people because she's sometimes too generous and wouldn't kick anyone out. Fast forward the decade or so, and we meet back up again, date off-and-on, etc. Right at this moment, my family is going through a bunch of drama, and I'm of the opinion that it's best not to jump in at every opportunity - in part so that the drama doesn't spill over onto us for no reason, and because I don't think it's appropriate to jump into other people's business and try to solve all their problems for them if they didn't ask. It takes agency away from people, can feel invasive, etc.
> 
> The part where I feel like a jerk is that she doesn't quite operate that way: as in - she's 100% onboard with jumping head first into other people's business and trying to solve their problems - especially with my brother, who she feels she 'gets' because they're both stoners and technically lived in the same place for a few months a decade ago. So while his drama is going down, she keeps trying to solve stuff for him - his internet got cut off, she tried to get me to grill him on technical details so she can call her ISP friends and troubleshoot it for him. I said no, because it's more appropriate for him to just call them himself and deal with it. He messages me saying he thinks he needs to move out of where he is - she immediately reaches out to him and asks him what he wants in a new apartment so she can go look for places for him. I told her he can handle it on his own, and that's not why he reached out to me about it (which is the truth - he's more than capable of apartment hunting, but there's a family issue in the way of moving). This morning, she asks me to give her his number, because he mentioned over the weekend that the person he gets his weed from (also family) has been flaky, so she's going to find him a better way to get it - I tried to get her to back down from this by saying that he was probably getting it from family because they'd give it to him for free, but she found some excuse, found the number without me, and even sent me his number with "oh, here it is, you should also have his number" - which I found was really awkward.
> 
> I feel like she has trouble understanding that there are boundaries being pushed here - that it's not appropriate to a) insert yourself into everyone elses problems, and b) navigate around me to contact them directly in order to do so. I'm also very worried that she's going to, at any moment, volunteer me for things I didn't sign up for, or promise people that I'll give them money.
> 
> At the same time, her intent is good, and I've got no right to tell her who she can or can't talk to or why.
> 
> So am I in the wrong for trying to overly control those boundaries? Or is she crossing some legitimate lines by butting into other people's business without being asked?


I think you are slightly in the wrong. She is her own person and has her own relationships with others. If she wants to help someone out and get involved, I would let her do her thing. There is nothing shady doing on and she seems genuine in wanting to be of service. Let her follow her own arrow. It makes her happy and it makes her what it is that you dig about her.


----------



## TedEH

ArtDecade said:


> It makes her happy and it makes her what it is that you dig about her.


Lets put it this way - here's a "good" offer for help:
"I'm thinking about moving."
"Do you need any help looking for a place?"
"No, but thank you."
Done. You move on.

This is how it _actually_ went:
He came over to my place because he was frustrated about an argument he had with dad about moving. The argument had been more about money, and about the "rules" of the house, and about some drama about his dog, etc., and dad's refusal to co-sign a place so that he'd be free to leave, etc. So he came to me so we could discuss if there was a way that I could smooth things over. He didn't know she'd be there.

Brother: "I've been arguing with dad, so I think it's best if I move out sooner than later:" (To me, not to her)
Her: "There's apartments close to me, give me your info and I'll go apply to them for you."
Me: "I'm sure he can find a place, what he's actually here for is-"
Her: "What is your budget and how many rooms do you need?" (Ignoring me)
Him: "I don't know the budget and there's things to work out first and-"
Her: "Do you need it by the end of the month? Get back to me before the end of the month. And I'll take care of your dog until then."
Him: "No, you're not taking the dog, it's a therapy dog, it stays with me-"
- etc.

He's incredibly stressed right now. He absolutely does not need more cooks in his business - if anything he needs the opposite of that. And it's concerning to me, because most of our previous relationship troubles (I've posted about her before) have centred around issues with boundaries.


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## ArtDecade

TedEH said:


> And it's concerning to me, because most of our previous relationship troubles (I've posted about her before) have centred around issues with boundaries.



I would certainly have that discussion with her. That said, your brother can also have the discussion with her if he feels that she is overstepping bounds. Has he mentioned anything about her to you?


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## TedEH

He hasn't, but he probably doesn't care - and he's got too much on his plate right now for that to even register to him as a thing to do unless she got too persistent.
Is it a big deal? No, not really. It's just awkward that after a couple of events like this, and trying to subtly push towards not inserting ourselves (read: her) into all my family's issues, I suddenly get a message _giving me my own brothers number_. Does that not read red-flag-y to anyone else?
I'm sure we'll talk about it at some point. It just struck me weird this morning.


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## thebeesknees22

oh the joys of being in a relationship. 

She probably just wants to be extra helpful. I believe Eleanor Roosevelt once said it's better to be useful than to be loved. Maybe she thinks something along the same lines.  

I wouldn't sweat it. There are way worse problems to have. Your brother is an adult. If he decides he wants the help, he'll ask. If not then he'll just ignore it and figure out his own path. 

If she keeps insisting then start making date plans to get her focus on something else lol The weather is supposed to get unseasonably warm over the next couple of weeks. Make use of that! Distractions are a great solution to problems!


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## wheresthefbomb

If any part of this is a big enough problem to talk to her about it, definitely do that. Otherwise, you're just going to have to let the concerned parties be adults and figure it out themselves.


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## TedEH

It really is a small thing, and certainly not a "bad problem to have" that someone is "too helpful", hah.


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## LordCashew

TedEH said:


> I'm also very worried that she's going to, at any moment, volunteer me for things I didn't sign up for, or promise people that I'll give them money.


Maybe find a tactful way to ask her to run things by you before volunteering you? Like, maybe in a situation where it would be relevant but not emotionally charged to do so.


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## TedEH

I'm probably going to do something like that. We have a new-years thing coming up, where all of the above will be present, so my thinking is that before we head over we can have a "this is our collective strategy for when the topic inevitably comes up again" conversation. Less "plz butt out" and more "lets be on the same page before we get there".


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## c7spheres

@TedEH I think she seems really genuine and kind how you describe, but maybe a bit to kind to her own detriment, potentially. I'd stay out of her way but give her your opinion and make sure she acknowledges she actually heard it. It's all you can really do without being like her a bit, tbh. - I don't think you're being a jerk at all and just showing that you care. After these things happen and you give her your opinion I'd stay back and let her do her thing and maybe watch over her a bit to maybe try to keep her out of trouble or being used by people. Kind people seem to get used. I say this because it seems like you care about her and that's what you do for people you care about. You give them your honest piece of mind, push the boundry a little if you have to in order to get the poitn across without to much intrusion or disrespect. This way she doesn't feel controlled, is aware of your thoughts and that you care about her and also a little more cautious when she helps people and also maybe becomes aware of when helping people can be a littel to much help. my 2 cents. Best wishes for you both.


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## TedEH

I'm surprised at how much the opinion sways towards "just let her do it" when we're talking about someone I've been dating for less than 6 months and is nosing/meddling in a sensitive custody issue that has nothing to do with her.

There's several problems with it, the way I see it:
One is that my brother is getting overwhelmed with people giving him good and bad advice and taking agency from him, which he has expressed pretty explicitly several times is a problem.
Another is that there's enough arguing going around that I don't want her to get caught in that crossfire. There's already been one incident with a broken hand / boxers fracture type situation. At least two of the people frequently involved are pretty hot-headed.
And lastly, I feel like it's inappropriate at this stage in the relationship to act like she is included in "family" when it comes to "family issues". Yes, she knew some of us from ages ago, and yes, there's some history, but we're still in what feels to me like very early stages of a relationship.
Bearing in mind that "skipping steps" and jumping in too deep has ruined relationships for me before, I don't want to go down that road.

The more I think about it, I feel pretty strongly that "I don't want you to involve yourself in all of my family's issues" is a pretty reasonable boundary to set. I can't be mad about it when said boundary was not explicitly discussed - but I think it's a fair conversation to have. That doesn't mean I get to rule over everyone's contributions - rather the goal is to make sure we're on the same page about how to approach (or _not approach_) the topic when it happens.

'Cause yeah, I'm talking about it like it's a big dramatic thing, but at the end of the day it's is just a matter of:


c7spheres said:


> maybe becomes aware of when helping people can be a littel to much help


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## TedEH

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it happened exactly as I expected it was going to:
The original help offer was to provide brother with a website he could order cheap weed from. Fine, not the end of the world. I said nothing of it. I hear nothing all day after that weird "giving me my own brothers number" moment. Then at around 1am I get messages saying basically "ok, now he's asking me to front him for the week". I don't want my gf to be my brothers weed dealer. He already has another family member hooking him up for free, he doesn't need another. This is exactly the kind of thing that gets messy really quick and cuts the people who were already helping him out of the loop on something. And of course because it was 1am, I was asleep and couldn't answer in time, so for all I know we're now his weed dealer.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯


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## thebeesknees22

TedEH said:


> Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it happened exactly as I expected it was going to:
> The original help offer was to provide brother with a website he could order cheap weed from. Fine, not the end of the world. I said nothing of it. I hear nothing all day after that weird "giving me my own brothers number" moment. Then at around 1am I get messages saying basically "ok, now he's asking me to front him for the week". I don't want my gf to be my brothers weed dealer. He already has another family member hooking him up for free, he doesn't need another. This is exactly the kind of thing that gets messy really quick and cuts the people who were already helping him out of the loop on something. And of course because it was 1am, I was asleep and couldn't answer in time, so for all I know we're now his weed dealer.
> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


ha

Since it seems like your brother will probably leach off you for the rest of your life now, I wonder if you can claim him as a dependent on your taxes


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## soliloquy

@TedEH:
slightly different opinion, but it may help.
during the pandemic, i was exploring how other countries/cultures are perceived by outsiders, and what makes that specific culture unique.
I kept coming back to the Nordic/Scandinavian countries. Obviously not 100% factual, but Nordic/Scandi countries are perceived to be some of the happiest places on earth. Great health care, great education, low/zero crime; great social benefits; healthy; great income etc....But at the same time, their people are perceived as somewhat 'standoffish'. Something similar to Canada, actually. Though people are nice, and not considered 'rude' they may not be the friendliest people out there.

After watching several vlogs/blogs/insights on people exploring that part of the world, it became obvious that the Nordic/Scandi people are standoffish, and will ONLY get involved if someone asks them specifically.

in the event of an emergency, unless its stated specifically to someone, they wont get involved. They aren't being ass holes, but it just isn't their problem.



as an empath, who absorbs peoples issues/negativity as my own, this can be a huge problem for me. I dont like seeing people having problems. The paternal instincts in me kick in, and i want to protect/nurture the person who is going through hardhsip. Though that always backfires as well as people usually never ask me specifically for help. They may come to me to vent, and its my choice to get involved or not.
Once i backed off from people, i started having a better relationship with myself. My mental health started improving significantly. I stopped letting other peoples BS bother me, and just accept them for who/what they are.

If they are coming at me swinging, i wont take it personally, but also understand that they are having issues, and this is their way of coping with it. They aren't the problem, but how they understand/react to the problem can become a problem to me.

likewise, i started telling my partner as well that if you're drowning in your negativity because of your family, then that is on you. Yes, that can sound as selfish and dick-ish, but its self-preservation, the way i see it. You are protecting yourself. You are protecting your home, your mental health etc.

once you step back, you may realize that the issues people are having are not really issues. They are just dealing with it in petty/spiteful ways for whatever reason, but it isn't your problem, thus you dont have to get involved.



the rare occasions people did ask me to get involved with their issues (during the pandemic), i started attacking their ego rather than the issue. They obviously didn't like that, but it also taught them the important lesson to stop always wanting to be 'right'. Its okay to be misunderstood. Its okay to not be in line with what others are wanting/requesting. You are a different person altogether, so why would you hold yourself accountable based on other peoples opinions? Their opinions on you is none of your business, and if they think you're a dick, let them think that. So long as you know you did your best, and you did try, and they still think you're a dick, then thats on them. 



I may have too much time on my hands right now, thus blabbing, but what i'm trying to say is that your approach maybe seen as cold/standoffish/dick-ish, but I dont. If your partner's mental health is impacting you, then you do have the right to state it. Its on your partner to continue meddling with other peoples issues. It may give her a purpose. that may make her happy, but you do have the right to challenge that. Not necessarily that she's in the wrong, but if she's a people-pleaser, and she picked up that behavior from being raised in a religious, or patriarchal world, then that maybe something that shouldn't be celebrated?

something to think about.


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## TedEH

There's a whole lot to unpack there - and a whole bunch of it I think is misreading/projecting - but I think I see what you're getting at.

Let me clarify some things:

I'm not being stand-off-ish with my brother. I am trying to help him myself, but in a deliberate and careful planned-out way that involves talking through his situation first, and taking stock of what it will actually take to solve his immediate needs and then get him back on his feet - because that's what I believe he actually needs - while at the same time trying to carefully navigate family drama, navigate his own mental health, avoid undermining the other family members already offering him support, etc.

This is not a metal health issue on the part of gf, nor has it become an argument (yet?). Brother, on the other hand, _does_ have some mental health issues that need to be navigated carefully - which is part of why the situation is complicated, and why I don't want to involve extra people in it.

I'm not saying "don't help", I'm saying we need to be on the same page about that help for several reasons:
- because we don't want to undermine existing help, or cut anyone out of the loop, go behind anyone's backs, etc
- because jumping immediately to fulfill a want for vices can be counter-productive
- because things needs to be tackled in a meaningful order instead of trying to solve everything on the spot
- because the family is going to view anything she does as if it's "Us" doing it as a unit
- because I've vocalized on a couple of occasions that I'd prefer she not poke into it, but she did it anyway
- because there's precedent for where helping people out too much has gotten her in trouble before

If I gave the impression that I was trying to just say f him and leave him to his own devices - no, that's not what I'm doing.
The conversation I had posted above was during a day when we had been getting together specifically to try to discuss (between him and me) how we can get him out of a particular situation, but we kept getting rail-roaded into tangents about where he can get more weed and she can totally re-do his resume and re-home his service dog and find him a new apartment etc etc trying to tackle everything at once - so we never got to have the conversation we were supposed to have. So I gave up and told him to come back another day after giving some stuff we talked about some thought. Then next thing I know, she's trying to get his number - and when I didn't give it to her, she didn't get the hint and found a way to reach him anyway.

I'm not mad that she wants to help. Wanting to help is fantastic. I'm worried that it's going to undermine my ability to give him what he actually needs in favour of just feeding his vices and overwhelming him. It's good to help. This isn't the way to do it.


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## TedEH

Heyooooo it turned into an argument, sort of. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So, New years day was kinda rough. Both of my siblings have been kinda having a rough deal of things lately so stress was really high that night. We're just hanging around, family people catching up etc., but also a lot of what I'll call trauma dumping, and eventually it gets towards the end of the night, my sister is telling a story to a small group about why one of her kids wasn't at the party. In short, he'd had some kind of manic episode, and he's been stuck in the hospital since. Adding to that, the hospitals in Gatineau are notoriously awful. Adding once again to that, being anglophone means that communication is a problem for everyone involved.

So picture that this story is being told, and while sister is mooooostly keeping it together, she's clearly putting effort into not crying as she speaks. There's a ton of emotion on display. Everyone's being pretty sensitive about how they respond, etc. Then I see gf put her arm up - she has these gestures she uses when she wants to interrupt, and there's a sort of tone that comes with it. 
Kinda like:



At this moment I think to myself:
"Oh no, this is reaaaaaaally not the time to interject something."
"But you know... maybe I should be more trusting"
And I say nothing.
gf get her moment and asks: "Wait, lets back up - what's the name of the psychiatrist you're dealing with?"
Me thinking "Oh no."
Sister responds with the doctors name, thinking nothing of it.

At this moment, gf gasps as if she's been punched in the gut and then YELLS (to the all of 5 of us in a tiny little room):
"OH FUCK I KNOW HIM WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS"
Which is the _least sensitive way to respond to someone who is telling a touchy story._
And _of course_ she knows that doctor, because there's literally only one anglophone psych doc in the region - and she's been telling a story _about having been dealing with him for years_ so she's clearly aware of the guy and his problems - negating any need to shout OH FUCK and inform sister of the thing she's literally telling a story about right now.

I just left the room without saying anything, 'cause I couldn't handle being there. Got some air.
On the way back home, of course, we're walking, and gf is telling me about how the rest of the conversation went - entirely oblivious to why I left - she thought I just was bored or something.
Without skipping a beat, she then dives into telling me her whole family's psychiatric history, and which of the uncles were awful, and who beat who over the most trivial things, and who assaulted who at what age, and every possible awful thing a shitty family could do to themselves.
Therefor she's totally an expert on psychiatric issues and can relate to everything. And it's yet another particularly awful trauma dump, at like 3 in the morning.
Eventually got the "why are you so quiet" question after getting home and taking the dog out.

I was just at the end of my chain, so I was blunt -
I said I was exhausted from how my whole new years was just everyone trauma dumping and making things worse for eachother, and that it was too much. I had to explain that I left the room because of her shouting OH FUCK at my sister while she was already barely holding it together. And I mean shouting. Like I winced at the volume. The room went silent kinda of shouting. She says she doesn't understand, and that sister looked perfectly fine, to which I had to explain that _she's an expert in pretending to be "ok" because she's been dealing with really heavy shit between herself and her kids and other family issues for like a decade - it's what she does - it's what she's good at. She's a pro at keeping her shit together 'cause she has the practice. But even with all of that, she was practically vibrating at the effort being expended not to break out crying because her son was locked up in a hospital at that very moment, but somehow gf couldn't see this and chose that moment to YELL AT HER that she should be brought into the loop._ I tried to explain that it made me uncomfortable that she tries to insert herself into every one of my family's issues. I tried to explain that sometimes, even if you think you can relate to something, the appropriate thing to say is _nothing_, because someone talking about their problems isn't always an invitation for interjection, or advice, or opinions, or to be one-upped, or related to, or whatever else. People just need and want to be listened to.

There's a bunch of other just little things that stacked up over the weekend that left me just wiped out. If I had been going back to work tomorrow, I'd be pissed, I think. I've at least got some more time off to process - and I finally have this week to myself so I have the space to do so. (She's been here almost every day since xmas eve, which isn't normal for us, and I was unprepared for it.)

Guh. I'm going to go take a long nap.


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