# My balls hurt (I`m serious)



## Iamasingularity (Jan 23, 2012)

So after using my laptop for long periods of work, my balls started to ache. To be exact only one ball hurts at a time as if I have migrane, but in the balls. Yesterday it was the left nut, today its just the right. The aching feels like my testis are disloged from their vas deferens and vessels. :/ Though on inspection its clear that they arn`t disloged, the aching won`t reside. So I`m asking if this happens to anyone and if there is any remedies for it. Ya its probably freaking hilarious to you guys reading it, but I`m really serious. 
No icing balls reccomendations, I don`t want to freeze them off.


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## ibanezcollector (Jan 23, 2012)

three words


CALL A DOCTOR


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## Handbanana (Jan 23, 2012)

I think the proper protocol would be to go to the doctor, not complain to the SS community.


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## toiletstand (Jan 23, 2012)

indeed. also, rub one out. finally, stop putting your laptop on your lap.


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## Iamasingularity (Jan 23, 2012)

ibanezcollector said:


> three words
> 
> 
> CALL A DOCTOR





Handbanana said:


> I think the proper protocol would be to go to the doctor, not complain to the SS community.



Not complaining, just asking some advice in a section I believe is reserved for this matter, since its not guitar related. So its 12, midnight here. Can`t really go to the doctor right now, calling up the ER would just consume money that my friend has already for the month. I`m rubbing it out, but no progress


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## USMarine75 (Jan 23, 2012)

See if this helps... 

eBay Guides - Ball Repair Guide


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## Iamasingularity (Jan 23, 2012)

USMarine75 said:


> See if this helps...
> 
> eBay Guides - Ball Repair Guide



Links dead bro.


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## USMarine75 (Jan 23, 2012)

haha s'ok it was just a gag anyways... seriously see a doctor and/or full-release massage parlor with a happy ending.


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## Iamasingularity (Jan 23, 2012)

USMarine75 said:


> haha s'ok it was just a gag anyways... seriously see a doctor and/or full-release massage parlor with a happy ending.



Perhaps if it still hurts tomorrow. What I would do for a nurunuru massage right now. I was really suprised when I found out that they had those near my main station. 10$ for 30mins? Fuck yeah! Too bad I`m in my hometown right now, no nurunuru services here


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## Deadnightshade (Jan 23, 2012)

Have you done any athletic shit lately that may have provoked that?

If so,there is a possibility that a small,thread-like little organ in the testicles can "knot" around itself and hurt a lot,which means surgery (happened to my brother,unless it persists don't sweat ...a ball about it). But that would be the second worst case scenario.First one would be to properly bust a nut,with explosions ,confetti,atomic mushroom and shit.


But most probably it's you shitting awkwardly.Be a boss.Show that room's balls dat loose.


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## Bigfan (Jan 23, 2012)

I've had achy balls.

My first reaction is always me panicking and thinking "Okay, this time it's definitely ball cancer, fuck!"


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## Deadnightshade (Jan 23, 2012)

Bigfan said:


> "Okay, this time it's definitely ball cancer, fuck!"



Keep terrorizing the OP like that,and his balls will go so deep into his body that ball pain will switch to stomach ache


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## ArkaneDemon (Jan 23, 2012)

Yeah dude don't keep your balls near or underneath a laptop, it's definitely not good for you. It might be good news to tell you that it might just be nothing, since my dad spent many, many hours with his balls underneath his laptop every day for months and he never complained. But, of course that's only one case, and it definitely varies from person to person. You should get yourself to a doctor soon, even if the ball migraine lol goes away.


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## bandinaboy (Jan 23, 2012)

clicked on this expecting Music mans... I am disappoint...
get better soon?


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## Iamasingularity (Jan 23, 2012)

Deadnightshade said:


> Have you done any athletic shit lately that may have provoked that?
> 
> If so,there is a possibility that a small,thread-like little organ in the testicles can "knot" around itself and hurt a lot,which means surgery (happened to my brother,unless it persists don't sweat ...a ball about it). But that would be the second worst case scenario.First one would be to properly bust a nut,with explosions ,confetti,atomic mushroom and shit.
> 
> ...



Hey dude! THANKS! After reading all that, my balls stopped to hurt!!!!


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## Iamasingularity (Jan 23, 2012)

Ahhh fuck it. Now its back.


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## Deadnightshade (Jan 23, 2012)

Iamasingularity said:


> Ahhh fuck it. Now its back.



I think you just took the term "manperiod pain" to a whole different level 





Seriously now,it it persists a day more go to the ball doctor at once.Gotta keep 'em steel jewels safe.


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## L1ght (Jan 23, 2012)

Well, it was more then likely the heat transfer from your laptop to your testicles. The testes are actually pretty sensitive organs and you can tell because even the slightest temperature changes from hot to cold will cause them to scrunch up close to the body, to obtain more heat. 

I would keep the laptop away from that area if I were you. There's probably no cause for concern, but who really knows what kind of radiation laptops give off. Even in ridiculously small amounts, over time, damage could occur. Just like watching too much television for many years CAN ruin your eyesight. 

To be honest though, if the aching persists for more then a week or so, I would go to see the doctor, because a week of persisting aches may not be a good sign.


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## SpaceDock (Jan 23, 2012)

Yeah hot ass laptop on your balls is like microwaving them. All of the electronic interference on such an exposed organ can't be good.


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## Deadnightshade (Jan 23, 2012)

L1ghtChaos said:


> I would keep the laptop away from that area if I were you. There's probably no cause for concern, but who really knows what kind of *non-ionizing radiation* laptops give off. Even in ridiculously small amounts, over time, damage could occur. Just like watching too much television for many years CAN ruin your eyesight.




Fixed.


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## K4RM4 (Jan 23, 2012)

Yup, ive read articles man...laptop batteries will cook your balls, get a cooling pad or pillow if you HAVE to have it on your lap. Small aches and throbs are normal if they aren't constant and only once if a full blue moon. But come one...these are your balls we're talking about...take no chances...see a ball doctor. I would.


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## Nile (Jan 23, 2012)

Quite honestly I've had this problem when I was using a laptop, and I rubbed one out, and it went away fully in an hour.


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## mlp187 (Jan 23, 2012)

Sounds like it may be testicular strangulation. Your balls are probably literally being constricted. I'm no doctor though... No matter how much I play with my balls.


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## mr_rainmaker (Jan 23, 2012)

dibs on his guitars


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## Baelzebeard (Jan 24, 2012)

Don't panic, but do take ball pain seriously. 

I think strangulation is intensely painful, if it is intense( like a kick to the balls)...go to the ER, it could be dangerous to ignore. If it's just achy, just keep tabs on it. see a doc if it persists. It could be something environmental like the laptop, or a hard chair that puts pressure on your nut nerves, or tite undies, etc.

Chicks do self breast exams, so go ahead and check your sack for anything weird; lumps, bumps, one nut bigger/smaller.

Maybe your balls are just blue


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## Iamasingularity (Jan 24, 2012)

I woke up today with no pain in the balls! I`m Cured!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now my feet hurt...


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## Codeman (Jan 24, 2012)

You should use on of these even If you had no pain to begin with







These are quite cheap and some plastic ones even come with some cooling fans underneath that you plug in the USB port


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## Mr. Big Noodles (Jan 24, 2012)

Testicular Torsion - The Venture Bros. - Adult Swim Video


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## Iamasingularity (Jan 24, 2012)

Codeman said:


> You should use on of these even If you had no pain to begin with
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I have one of those somewhere.... I`m away from home though, so I don`t have access to one right now.



SchecterWhore said:


> Testicular Torsion - The Venture Bros. - Adult Swim Video



Sorry man, I live outside to US/UK so can`t view it. Used to be cool when I could watch stuff on AS.


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## mr_rainmaker (Jan 24, 2012)

Iamasingularity said:


> I woke up today with no pain in the balls! I`m Cured!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> Now my feet hurt...





dibs on amps...


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## USMarine75 (Jan 24, 2012)

Just make sure to keep us updated with daily ball status reports. 

[Oh and I call dibs on your kidneys...]


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## Iamasingularity (Jan 24, 2012)

USMarine75 said:


> Just make sure to keep us updated with daily ball status reports.
> 
> [Oh and I call dibs on your kidneys...]



Sorry but my organs are already reserved. Priority being people on a list I made, otherwise those in need. Even most of my posessions are on a will. I hope I outlive my will though.


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## Konfyouzd (Jan 24, 2012)

Have you been lifting weights that might be too heavy for you lately?

Has someone been teasing you? 

I've known both of these to lead to testicular pain. 

A physician may know more.


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## Deadnightshade (Jan 24, 2012)

Konfyouzd said:


> Has someone been teasing you?



I am struggling not to make a joke about testicuffs.Oh wait I just did it.


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## Konfyouzd (Jan 24, 2012)

I don't know if that's exactly what "blue balls" is or if it's dangerous like some seem to say, but I have definitely noticed some slight pain in the testicular region if a lady allows the action to rise too much and denies me a "climax" of some kind. 

Doesn't happen every time, but it has. 

Might not even be related...


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## Deadnightshade (Jan 24, 2012)

Konfyouzd said:


> I don't know if that's exactly what "blue balls" is or if it's dangerous like some seem to say, but I have definitely noticed some slight pain in the testicular region if a lady allows the action to rise too much and denies me a "climax" of some kind.
> 
> Doesn't happen every time, but it has.
> 
> Might not even be related...




Unless the OP has been subjecting himself to orgasm denial all day long ,I severely doubt it 


Also if the lady would do something like that to me,I'd KICK her in the CUNT and out of the house.Even if it's her place.


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## Konfyouzd (Jan 24, 2012)

No need for two ppl having crotch pains... Seems that'd only exacerbate the problem.


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## Deadnightshade (Jan 24, 2012)

Konfyouzd said:


> Seems that'd only exacerbate the problem.



Of course it has to EXACERBATE,since she doesn't know how to MASTURBATE!!!


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## Necris (Jan 24, 2012)

SchecterWhore said:


> Testicular Torsion - The Venture Bros. - Adult Swim Video



I was thinking of the same video.  It's a very good thing that isn't what the OP is/was suffering from or at this point left untreated they would be removing one or both of his testicles right about now.


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## wlfers (Jan 24, 2012)

Isn't there an eastern tradition (some small sect of some religion in southern Asia) where they practice self control by engaging in acts that bring them to the brink of an orgasm then immediately stopping?


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## Deadnightshade (Jan 24, 2012)

athawulf said:


> Isn't there an eastern tradition (some small sect of some religion in southern Asia) where they practice self control by engaging in acts that bring them to the brink of an orgasm then immediately stopping?



It's called blueballism ,and the persons that do it smurfs


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## avenger (Jan 24, 2012)

athawulf said:


> Isn't there an eastern tradition (some small sect of some religion in southern Asia) where they practice self control by engaging in acts that bring them to the brink of an orgasm then immediately stopping?


That is called training for the big day.


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## mr_rainmaker (Jan 24, 2012)

Konfyouzd said:


> I don't know if that's exactly what "blue balls" is or if it's dangerous like some seem to say, but I have definitely noticed some slight pain in the testicular region if a lady allows the action to rise too much and denies me a "climax" of some kind.
> 
> Doesn't happen every time, but it has.
> 
> Might not even be related...





SWEEP THE LEG...


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## Iamasingularity (Jan 25, 2012)

I`m thinking the balls were kind of pressed while I had my laptop on them, and then when I took off the laptop, they soaked the fluid around them like a sponge causing the hurt. Any thoughts to that?


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## Xiphos68 (Jan 25, 2012)

Seriously, go to a doctor.

I've had problems myself in that area, and it's not something to wait about.
Go see a doctor as soon as possible or go to the emergency room (that's what I did, then they sent me to a doctor).

EDIT: Didn't read second page.

Ok. If they start to hurt again, go see a doc.
Don't hesitate.


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## Deadnightshade (Jan 25, 2012)

Iamasingularity said:


> they soaked the fluid around them like a sponge causing the hurt.




WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ


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## Iamasingularity (Jan 25, 2012)

Deadnightshade said:


> WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST READ



I read it somewhere on some forums when I was aching.


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## Alberto7 (Jan 25, 2012)

I've had these two. Actually, about 2 weeks ago, I got woken from a dream because I was feeling the pain. I was convinced I had testicular torsion, which scared me to death, given that my cousin's cousin had to have one of his testis removed because he didn't make it in time to the hospital to get surgical treatment.

I haven't had it since then though. I've experienced those kinds of pains before, but very short-lived. I've read that they can also be varicocele, which is basically a swollen vein in the scrotum (Varicocele - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia).

I still haven't been to a doctor about it. Hopefully, I won't have to go to one. It's apparently relatively normal for men to get testicular pains every now and then. It's usually nothing serious, but definitely something to keep track and be aware of.


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## Iamasingularity (Jan 25, 2012)

Alberto7 said:


> I've had these two. Actually, about 2 weeks ago, I got woken from a dream because I was feeling the pain. I was convinced I had testicular torsion, which scared me to death, given that my cousin's cousin had to have one of his testis removed because he didn't make it in time to the hospital to get surgical treatment.


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## Deadnightshade (Jan 25, 2012)

For some reason I believe that a woman would call us all sissies ,had she read the thread.

Like.."Our genitals fucking bleed every month ,and you're bitching about a bit of ball ache?"


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## Iamasingularity (Jan 25, 2012)

Deadnightshade said:


> For some reason I believe that a woman would call us all sissies ,had she read the thread.
> 
> Like.."Our genitals fucking bleed every month ,and you're bitching about a bit of ball ache?"



Knocked up all the time or bleeding every month.
You decide....


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## Xaios (Jan 25, 2012)




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## Alberto7 (Jan 25, 2012)

Iamasingularity said:


>



 Yeah, I got pretty damn scared. I had never been woken from a dream because of testicular pain ... It was also a pretty strange dream I was having, and it involved many sexual themes, so I was pretty startled upon waking up.

As for my cousin's cousin, apparently he woke up one morning with an incredibly intense pain on his right nut and had to rush to the hospital. When they got there, they told him that his testicle was completely deprived of oxygen because of the torsion. They found out that a lot of tissue had started to die and had to remove it. The guy's as normal as any other now, with an alleged good sex life and everything, but he definitely does not deny the fact that it was a pretty traumatic experience.


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## mr_rainmaker (Jan 25, 2012)

dude if i post how ya how to check for circulation, my inbox is gonna be full of people tryin to woo`ed me....

spread your legs dude.... no not like that...


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## mr_rainmaker (Jan 25, 2012)

dude if i post how ya how to check for circulation, my inbox is gonna be full of people tryin to woo`ed me....

spread your legs dude.... no not like that...


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## Iamasingularity (Jan 26, 2012)

Alberto7 said:


> Yeah, I got pretty damn scared. I had never been woken from a dream because of testicular pain ... It was also a pretty strange dream I was having, and it involved many sexual themes, so I was pretty startled upon waking up.
> 
> As for my cousin's cousin, apparently he woke up one morning with an incredibly intense pain on his right nut and had to rush to the hospital. When they got there, they told him that his testicle was completely deprived of oxygen because of the torsion. They found out that a lot of tissue had started to die and had to remove it. The guy's as normal as any other now, with an alleged good sex life and everything, but he definitely does not deny the fact that it was a pretty traumatic experience.



Shit... 
Does he have a replacement for the right teste? Like a plastic/rubber ball?
I wonder if that would cause any balance problems.


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## Alberto7 (Jan 26, 2012)

Yeap, he got a fake one put in. I'm not sure what it's made of, though. I'm also not sure what you mean by balance problems, but I don't think I want to know!


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## Iamasingularity (Jan 26, 2012)

Seem like most are made of the silicone used in breast implants.


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## Alberto7 (Jan 26, 2012)

God, I hope PIP doesn't make those


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## Iamasingularity (Jan 26, 2012)

Alberto7 said:


> God, I hope PIP doesn't make those



Hahaha, I was thinking exactly the same


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## Solodini (Jan 27, 2012)

USMarine75 said:


> haha s'ok it was just a gag anyways... seriously see a doctor and/or full-release massage parlor with a happy ending.



A ball gag?


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## Metal_Webb (Jan 28, 2012)

It's worth chucking in here that your balls are meant to keep themselves at about 36 C (a bit lower than normal body temp, it's why they hang off in the first place). When you put a laptop on your lap, you're trapping heat and making an extremely hot environment for the fellas. Not good. From what I've read it can lead to long term fertility problems if you cook them for quite a while. 

When you have the laptop on you, do you have a tendancy to cross or fold your legs? That'd cause constriction and application of pressure to your nuts for a period of time will cause pain.

Also, might be worth laying off with the wanking yo. From the sounds of it, 6 times a day isn't doing you any favours as far as ball relief goes


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## Fiction (Jan 28, 2012)

Just get one of these and have a bit of an airing every 10 minutes or so 

Edit: *Make sure you get one with the guard, nothing worse then balls in a fan....*


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## mr_rainmaker (Jan 28, 2012)

wow 3 pages about balls?????


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## Iamasingularity (Jan 29, 2012)

mr_rainmaker said:


> wow 3 pages about balls?????


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## mr_rainmaker (Jan 29, 2012)

ya know I get the feeling quite a few members are or were former arfcommers.


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## Iamasingularity (Jan 29, 2012)

mr_rainmaker said:


> ya know I get the feeling quite a few members are or were former arfcommers.



Ummmm... What do arfcommers have anything to do with balls?


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## AnarchyDivine88 (Feb 28, 2012)

Iamasingularity said:


> Ya its probably freaking hilarious to you guys reading it, but I`m really serious.



Nah man, you have a serious concern and it should be addressed in a mature manor, there's nothing funny about it.



Iamasingularity said:


> I`m rubbing it out, but no progress



OK, now it's funny 

LMAO sorry dude, I had to. But yeah like they said, see a doctor.


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## pushpull7 (Feb 28, 2012)

mr_rainmaker said:


> ya know I get the feeling quite a few members are or were former arfcommers.



haha, I got it.


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## Anonymous (Feb 28, 2012)

mlp187 said:


> Sounds like it may be testicular strangulation. Your balls are probably literally being constricted. I'm no doctor though... No matter how much I play with my balls.


 

I think I'm quoting this in my sig XD. 
Sorry for your troubles OP. Get better soon man.

I was once hit in the balls while going through the ripleys huanted house thing..... Being smacked by a paniced person in the balls is scarery than any guy dressed like the wall jumping out at me.....


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