# So my girlfriend wants a break



## Korngod (Feb 21, 2013)

Im sure you've all heard stories of this or been in the situation before, but I have not. Long story short, I met my GF online a year ago and by fate, she moved all the way across the country with her father after he landed a job about 4 hours from where I live. We have been happily dating long distance for 5 months now and recently, shes gotten a managers position at her job that is very stressful for her. Along with that, her mother who still lives on the west coast is a drug addict and not doing well, so I've been there for my GF when she needs me. We have never even fought once about anything at all and we are very open and honest with each other. But just today, out of the blue, she told me that she wanted to take a break since she's been so busy and we havent had time to see each other. She says that its not anything I did, and she is not by any means looking for another guy, but that its because she feels that right now since she is busy that it isn't fair to either of us that we don't get to see each other often. Inside I'm having an extremely hard time dealing with this but I've kept my cool and told her that I just want her to be happy so I want what she wants. We still say we love each other and hope to be back together some day, but what do you guys think? Is this the classic case where this will only bring us back together stronger in the future?


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## glpg80 (Feb 21, 2013)

Had an ex that said the same exact words to my face. A week later a friend of mine happened to be at a football game watching her suck face with another guy.

Sorry dude. Love does not work like that. It has to exist on both sides and if she is not committed enough to work through each others problems together you are better off splitting ways, picking up the pieces, and moving on.


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## Hollowway (Feb 21, 2013)

glpg80 said:


> Had an ex that said the same exact words to my face. A week later a friend of mine happened to be at a football game watching her suck face with another guy.
> 
> Sorry dude. Love does not work like that. It has to exist on both sides and if she is not committed enough to work through each others problems together you are better off splitting ways, picking up the pieces, and moving on.



+1. This is a nice way of saying this is a permanent breakup. Not to say that there is no chance you won't wind up together, but it would be in the distant future and totally random. 

There is no "classic case" where people get back together, stronger, in the future. There are billions of classic cases of people who no longer want to be with the other person but don't have the balls to admit to the other person it's over and to accept responsibility for the breakup. 

Unfortunately, if you're anything like 99% of guys, you won't listen to us, and will hang in there until it gets ugly and you stretch your heartbreak out for months.


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## Korngod (Feb 21, 2013)

I'm just really thrown off by the fact that we were going so strong and then this, she is the type to be honest about anything. We had talked on the phone everyday for like 6 months before we even met and her and I both waited for each other, we could have seen other people, but neither of us wanted that at the time. I do know that her current life issues have really been bothering her and I've done my damnedest to be there for her like I should be and she appreciates that but because of it all, she wants this break. In my usual panic in this sort of situation, I told her that if she does really just need a break then I promise I wouldn't even consider trying to talk to someone else and she said she had no desire to either, she wants to be with me, just not right this moment.


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## Semichastny (Feb 21, 2013)

If she really valued you and your contribution she wouldn't have turned you away. Simple as that.


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## TRENCHLORD (Feb 21, 2013)

Look for new girlfriend IMO. Been there, done that.


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## Semichastny (Feb 21, 2013)

TRENCHLORD said:


> Look for new girlfriend IMO. Been there, done that.



The "NEXT!" school of thought is the best school of thought.


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## Hollowway (Feb 21, 2013)

Korngod said:


> I'm just really thrown off by the fact that we were going so strong and then this, she is the type to be honest about anything. We had talked on the phone everyday for like 6 months before we even met and her and I both waited for each other, we could have seen other people, but neither of us wanted that at the time. I do know that her current life issues have really been bothering her and I've done my damnedest to be there for her like I should be and she appreciates that but because of it all, she wants this break. In my usual panic in this sort of situation, I told her that if she does really just need a break then I promise I wouldn't even consider trying to talk to someone else and she said she had no desire to either, she wants to be with me, just not right this moment.



Allow me to quote from the financial world: "Past performance is not an indicator of future performance."

I'm no clairvoyant, but I _can_ pull stuff out of my ass like Dr. Phil, so I will say that she probably met a new guy who lives right near her, but she feels guilty because she really did love you, and cannot just tell you she's with another guy.


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## Leuchty (Feb 21, 2013)

Just keep living your life mate!

Dont stop and dwell on "what if", just go on with things. 

If it happens, it happens.

Best of luck to you!


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## SP1N3SPL1TT3R (Feb 21, 2013)

glpg80 said:


> Had an ex that said the same exact words to my face. A week later a friend of mine happened to be at a football game watching her suck face with another guy.
> 
> Sorry dude. Love does not work like that. It has to exist on both sides and if she is not committed enough to work through each others problems together you are better off splitting ways, picking up the pieces, and moving on.



Word. I think of it as: Love can be described as a two-way street. But only if that street has no speed limits, center line, speed limit, or guardrails.

A. Long distance relationships are bad news. From afar, females tend to add "Prince Charming" to the image they have of you. Then when you're together there's a feeling of disappointment. Then it's over.

B. "Let's take a break" really means, "I'm not sure about us." Then when they think about your relationship, the only focus is on the negative aspects. Then it's over. Or it means "I'm going to go mess around, but it doesn't count." Then it's over.

I'm aware I left a lot of other factors out, but this sums it up.


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## Xaios (Feb 21, 2013)

Give her a break.


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## Ibanezsam4 (Feb 21, 2013)

A lady told me this same thing once. at first i was sad, but then i regained my former courage bit by bit. and when i once again was confident, i went out into the wilderness and dug a whole into the side of a mountain and stuck my dick in it... 

moral of the story: breaking up is hard to do, but if you make it through you can fuck a mountain 




















brb, need more alcohol


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## Korngod (Feb 22, 2013)

Well I thank you all for the advice but deep down, as much as your experiences beg to differ, I feel like she will come back around. I think she's over reacting from all the stress she has right now that is totally unrelated to our relationship. I guess time will tell the answers and then I too will have a life lesson to tell other people.


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## Sunyata (Feb 22, 2013)

Every situation i different, and in your case, that may very well happen. Just make sure that you are prepared for whatever the outcome of this is.

Also, somewhat off topic, but here's a life lesson. Never trust anyone who eats a kit-kat like that. Never.


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## glpg80 (Feb 22, 2013)

Korngod said:


> Well I thank you all for the advice but deep down, as much as your experiences beg to differ, I feel like she will come back around. I think she's over reacting from all the stress she has right now that is totally unrelated to our relationship. I guess time will tell the answers and then I too will have a life lesson to tell other people.



If you keep it up you will just get friend zoned.

Her mind is already made up. It is yours that has not accepted what reality as put in front of you simply because you dated for a few months. A wise old man once told me the only thing that matters is marriage. The rest is fair game.

Dont waste your time and drag this out making it worse. If you care about her then suck it up and move on. Make it easier on all sides.


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## Galius (Feb 22, 2013)

From my past experiences most of the guys posting are right. When I was in your situation people tried to tell me the same thing but I never wanted to believe it but it seems girls tell most guys exactly what she told you (or our past girls told us) thinking it will sound better. And im sure our responses arent exactly what you want to hear either. Hell most of the times when a girl wanted to go on a "break" I would find out she started talking to someone else and I would ask her about it she would just freak out like I was the bad guy. The best way to put it is most girls will say they want a break and its not your fault and yada yada, but always seemed like they liked to turn it around to make me the asshole so they didnt have to feel bad. Women are strange creatures lol

ANd thats my late night rant. Hope it works out for ya


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## Bodes (Feb 22, 2013)

What ever her reasons, best to think of yourself as a free man. I don't mean go looking for the next girl, but if one does pops up: DO NOT PASS ON THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE HAPPY "just in case".


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## flint757 (Feb 22, 2013)

Korngod said:


> Well I thank you all for the advice but deep down, as much as your experiences beg to differ, I feel like she will come back around. I think she's over reacting from all the stress she has right now that is totally unrelated to our relationship. I guess time will tell the answers and then I too will have a life lesson to tell other people.



As much as you could be right (very small chance) you're probably not. 

You aren't the first dude to think your situation is different hence the reason this happens so often (the dumped never take the advice as the heart clouds the mind). If your relationship was longer then her coming back would be more likely, but that relationship is not very long for me to believe this is the case. Your life though do as you will...


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## Xiphos68 (Feb 22, 2013)

Yeah man. Like the others say... if she wants to be with you. She will be. 

There's no point in leaving someone you want to be with or at least I would think you wouldn't want to do that. 

I don't mean to come across rude if I do... but don't let your heart be torn to pieces like so many other guys have been. It's not worth it man. You can put so much love, time and thought into someone and be shattered.

Which can lead to so many worse things man. I have seen it happen to some close friends of mine.


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## flint757 (Feb 22, 2013)

The only justified scenario I've ever seen a couple take a genuine break and get back together were relationships that have gone on for years and/or their first relationship (and a lengthy amount of time on top of that). Even then getting back together is not that common.


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## Xiphos68 (Feb 22, 2013)

flint757 said:


> The only justified scenario I've ever seen a couple take a genuine break and get back together were relationships that have gone on for years and/or their first relationship (and a lengthy amount of time on top of that). Even then getting back together is not that common.



That happened to my friend and she finally is married to the guy.


He was the only guy she ever dated and the parents split them up. Because they thought they needed to see "other people." But she and he only loved each other and they wanted to be together.

Not exactly the same. But some what similar.


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## broj15 (Feb 22, 2013)

I know from first hand experience that a break means a break up (eventually) so cut your losses now and get out before the ship sinks. Don't waste your time waiting for her because i can guarantee she won't be waiting on you. I hate to say this (and if come off as a dick i apologize) but it sounds like she's already found a new man closer to home.


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## Nonservium (Feb 22, 2013)

Korngod said:


> I've kept my cool and told her that *I just want her to be happy so I want what she wants*.



^ Do you not see a problem here? 

If this isn't what you want, but it is what she wants, then you don't want what she wants at all. That's cognitive dissonance. She's basically just politely dumped you and dressed it up as a break. You claim this is open an honest, but all I'm seeing is, from your words, her politely lying to you and you politely lying to yourself.

While reunions do happen, they aren't common by any means. Hope can get you through some things in life, I would caution you in it's application here. The reality is you are long distance and taking a break is every time you are apart. I'd suggest take a few days to gather yourself, work you way up to cutting her out of your daily routines one piece at a time and move on. If she comes back at some point, great, but don't sit around waiting for it. You're back on the field, play ball. Get some strange, it works wonders.


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## Eric Christian (Feb 22, 2013)

Korngod said:


> Im sure you've all heard stories of this or been in the situation before, but I have not. Long story short, I met my GF online a year ago and by fate, she moved all the way across the country with her father after he landed a job about 4 hours from where I live. We have been happily dating long distance for 5 months now and recently, shes gotten a managers position at her job that is very stressful for her. Along with that, her mother who still lives on the west coast is a drug addict and not doing well, so I've been there for my GF when she needs me. We have never even fought once about anything at all and we are very open and honest with each other. But just today, out of the blue, she told me that she wanted to take a break since she's been so busy and we havent had time to see each other. She says that its not anything I did, and she is not by any means looking for another guy, but that its because she feels that right now since she is busy that it isn't fair to either of us that we don't get to see each other often. Inside I'm having an extremely hard time dealing with this but I've kept my cool and told her that I just want her to be happy so I want what she wants. We still say we love each other and hope to be back together some day, but what do you guys think? Is this the classic case where this will only bring us back together stronger in the future?



This is her code for she met a new dude. Probably someone at her office. Find a new girlfriend.


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## Discoqueen (Feb 22, 2013)

Why couldn't she just be in a relationship with you and just not see you? That'd be easy enough, right? The whole 'I just don't have time...' is just shakey, you know? If you two are supposedly going to be faithful to one another anyways, what is the point of a break? I'm a cynical bastard, though, so maybe just ride this out. I'd cut my losses because this ambiguous on/off kind of thing rareky ends well and has the potential of becoming a [email protected]$k.


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## tacotiklah (Feb 22, 2013)

Eric Christian said:


> This is her code for she met a new dude. Probably someone at her office. Find a new girlfriend.



This is the harsh truth man. She found someone else that grabs her attention; probably someone she can see on a regular basis. Based on my own experiences and the experiences of others that I've have witnessed first-hand, long distance relationships will fail at least 90% of the time. A huge portion of a relationship is physical, which means you have to be in each other's presence more and more often.

A great point was brought up that when you're away from each other, you have this "prince charming/beautiful princess" mentality for each other; focusing only on the positives. When placed in close proximity to each other, you see each other in all it's realness. There's no clever camera angle that hides imperfections, or photo-shopped pic that masks who a person really is. It's just them and you. 

My advice, move on. She probably already has, and if you drag it out, it's going to end badly for you. Even if she does come back begging for you, tell her to fuck off. She had her chance and squandered it. Go out there and find the girl that is right for you. Note that I don't use the phrase "perfect girl". This is because there is no such thing as a perfect girl. There's only "the right girl for you", because that implies compatibility, which is one of the most important things to base a relationship on.


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## MJS (Feb 22, 2013)

Korngod said:


> ... and she is not by any means looking for another guy ...



Girls say that because it sounds so much nicer than "I'm dumping you for the guy I cheated on you with." 

A relationship that requires "a break" after only 5 months wasn't going to last anyway.


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## redstone (Feb 22, 2013)

MJS said:


> "I'm dumping you for the guy I cheated on you with."



The cold hard truth.


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## Kiwimetal101 (Feb 22, 2013)

Dude move on, your hurt now right? Its only going to get so much worse. 

Find somewhere else to plant your tree...


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## Thrashmanzac (Feb 22, 2013)

i'm another one that has "been there, done that", albeit years ago. try to move on dude, save yourself some heartbreak


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## ElRay (Feb 22, 2013)

Korngod said:


> Well I thank you all for the advice but deep down, as much as your experiences beg to differ, I feel like she will come back around. I think she's over reacting from all the stress she has right now that is totally unrelated to our relationship. I guess time will tell the answers and then I too will have a life lesson to tell other people.





Hollowway said:


> Unfortunately, if you're anything like 99% of guys, you won't listen to us, and will hang in there until it gets ugly and you stretch your heartbreak out for months.



/thread


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## Malkav (Feb 22, 2013)

I don't want to insult you or sound like a condescending douche, but how old are you? You're getting lots of very solid advice from people I know are fairly mature, and honestly when I had gone through a similar situation in my younger years I was headstrong and chose to ignore the advice people with experience had given me and I honestly wish I could bitchslap past me for being a moron and only making my situation worse, and I'm not trying to be insulting but it seems you may just not have too much experience with this kind of thing.


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## facepalm66 (Feb 22, 2013)

Korngod said:


> Well I thank you all for the advice but deep down, as much as your experiences beg to differ, I feel like she will come back around. I think she's over reacting from all the stress she has right now that is totally unrelated to our relationship. I guess time will tell the answers and then I too will have a life lesson to tell other people.



I think it's what you want to believe.. the sad, but true thing.
But yeah, nothing is 100%, keep your faith bro


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## benduncan (Feb 22, 2013)

i am the king of naive puppy dogs 

look for a new girl, you will either meet someone new that makes you forget about her(the likely outcome) or she will see it on facebook, go apeshit...."gah, my mind was just clouded because i was under so much stress". but make sure youre really open to someone new, dont treat it as a last ditch effort or anything. actually try to move on

if i were in your situation, my reactions probably would have been worse. "well, I KNOW! I'LL JUST MOVE THERE!!"


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## benduncan (Feb 22, 2013)

and im sure this is hard because its not what you wanted to hear, ive gone through the same thing and let myself tag along for a year. it sucks. try not to put your life on hold. i hope youre ok in the end


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## Double A (Feb 22, 2013)

Korngod said:


> I'm just really thrown off by the fact that we were going so strong and then this, she is the type to be honest about anything. We had talked on the phone everyday for like 6 months before we even met and her and I both waited for each other, we could have seen other people, but neither of us wanted that at the time. I do know that her current life issues have really been bothering her and I've done my damnedest to be there for her like I should be and she appreciates that but because of it all, she wants this break. In my usual panic in this sort of situation, I told her that if she does really just need a break then I promise I wouldn't even consider trying to talk to someone else and she said she had no desire to either, she wants to be with me, just not right this moment.


Bud, that is bullshit. You probably won't, but you should move on.


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## Captain Butterscotch (Feb 22, 2013)

MJS said:


> A relationship that requires "a break" after only 5 months wasn't going to last anyway.



This.

You'll look back on this thread in a few days/weeks/months and regret not letting go.


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## BIG ND SWEATY (Feb 22, 2013)

man you guys are downers
honestly OP there is a chance that she'll come back but theres also the chance that she wont but dont give up all hope cause if she does come back and you're with another girl you're gonna look like an asshole. im not saying to only focus on her and obsess over your want for her to come back, stay single for a while and maintain contact with her and have a little hope of her coming back but also explore your other options incase she doesnt want to be with you anymore. good luck


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## mr_rainmaker (Feb 22, 2013)




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## EcoliUVA (Feb 22, 2013)

I've never run across anyone who took advice on this sort of thing that didn't agree with their preconceived course of action. That is, you can tell someone who is in love that they are being foolish, and it means jack shit. Self included, both sides of the fence.

OP - It sounds like you might be new to relationships (no offense intended!), and if so, this will happen:

You will continue to follow your heart. This is fine, and natural. However, odds are that you will discover something you really, _really_ didn't want to. You will be hurt. You will probably break things, even if your usual demeanor is not one involving blinding-red rage. You will do this:  At this point you should focus on not causing major physical damage to yourself (broken fingers and knuckles, for example). Things are just things, it's OK to smash them, though you might regret murdering your TV with your $1500 axe.

Once the initial rage subsides, you'll be sad as fuck. This is not depression, just sad as fuck. It will pass, but things will be less awesome than they used to, for a while. Distractions are good. Music, video games, booze (careful with this one...), exercise, etc. My recommendation:  and exercise.

Normally I wouldn't have responded to this thread, because it doesn't really help anything. But...my job is boring as all hell, so you get to read my ramblings.


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## no_dice (Feb 22, 2013)

I was with a girl for three years before we went through some shit like that. Being my most serious relationship, I was crushed, and of course she fed me the same bullshit about "I care about you, I think we're meant to be together but I need time. We could possibly get back together later" I told her I couldn't do the one foot in, one foot out bullshit, and cut it off there. I haven't spoken to her in about 3 years.

I met an amazing girl since then, she's perfect for me, and we're happily married. Looking back, a lot of times you realize people aren't as great as you made them out to be.

tl;dr You'll be okay. There is more than one girl out there that you could be happy with.


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## indrangelion (Feb 22, 2013)

Ross and Rachel were on a break once, and they got back together and had a baby and everything.

Oh, and spoiler alert.


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## GuitaristOfHell (Feb 22, 2013)

Been there. Tell her if she loves you just because you can't see her as much you'll still be together and work through it as a team, and make her realize how much she needs you. When you're not there it will be a wake up call for her.


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## illimmigrant (Feb 22, 2013)

You know, it's kinda interesting reading the responses with a resounding "move on."
Typically when you tell a story like this to your close friends and/or family they tell you to give her a break and give it a chance, etc so as to not hurt your feelings or keep your hopes up. 
I'm with the group that says "move on." I've seen it too many times when a girl wants a break and it's only for her to figure out whether she is really into the new guy(s) she's met while still having a back-up plan. Aside from cheating, the worst thing you can do is give someone hope when there really isn't any. It's better to just rip that band-aid off. 
Best of luck.


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## Konfyouzd (Feb 22, 2013)

Best thing to do is go on the break.

You'll only damage the relationship if both parties aren't happy.


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## PeteyG (Feb 22, 2013)

Taking a break, no matter what the circumstances in either persons life are or how hard their life is for them at the time, makes absolutely no logical sense when the desired end result for both parties is to end up back together.

It's been said already but why can't you be together but just not spend as much time together while she's sorting her life out? It may legitimately be the case that she hasn't seen this as an option or has thought that maybe you'd not be okay with it. However this is THE ONLY reason why this "break" would be legitimate, where there are so many other reasons why she would just be trying to let you down lightly.

I say if possible bring this up with her, say you're conflicted as to her intentions and that there is a way for you guys not to be on a break but for you to just not have to be in such a full time arrangement. Say this would be the preferred situation for you (because a relationship should be a partnership and you get a say in this too) and if she still persists that a break would be best then you should say that you want her to be as frankly honest with you as she can be, that if she's leading you on to be hurt down the line that her having lied to you would hurt so much more than her just being flat out honest with you.


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## Konfyouzd (Feb 22, 2013)

PeteyG said:


> Taking a break, no matter what the circumstances in either persons life are or how hard their life is for them at the time, makes absolutely no logical sense when the desired end result for both parties is to end up back together.



This is very true. Doesn't really show much hope for longevity if every time shit gets rough you have to go on a break. I always take this to mean that the woman just doesn't wanna be with you anymore and that's her nice sugar coated illogical way of saying it.


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## Double A (Feb 22, 2013)

That old saying "Don't make someone your priority when they only make you an option" comes to mind.

Like it or not, she has relegated you to being an option to her and it is time to move on. Tell her you are moving on and either she will relent or it is over. Yeah, it will most likely hurt like hell but in my experience it will just be 100 times worse if you drag your feet.
*
*


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## Experimorph (Feb 22, 2013)

illimmigrant said:


> You know, it's kinda interesting reading the responses with a resounding "move on."
> Typically when you tell a story like this to your close friends and/or family they tell you to give her a break and give it a chance, etc so as to not hurt your feelings or keep your hopes up.



It's exactly as you put it. The people closest to you don't want to see you dwell in suffering, especially when they're right there, physically in front of you. It's a double-edged sword, as they're only encouraging you to delay the process of acceptance.

To OP; listen to the people here. If a girl says all that after _only_ five months, the relationship doesn't stand on any ground. She's probably met someone that sparked her interest. Whip out your cock (not in public!) and go conquer them mountains.


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## InfinityCollision (Feb 22, 2013)

BIG ND SWEATY said:


> honestly OP there is a chance that she'll come back


Are we talking 0.000001% probabilities here? 

The _honest_ truth is what everyone else in this thread has said: she's gone, she's trying to be nice, you need to move on. The "classic case" is romantic novel bullshit.


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## TedEH (Feb 22, 2013)

I normally wouldn't touch this conversation with a thirty foot pole, but I have a perspective that might add something.

I'm an example of where the "break" wasn't the end of the relationship and we ended up back together within a month. It's a very different scenario because it wasn't long distance, it was a full break-up, and I was the one who initiated the break, but the result is the same. 

Even if you get back together, shit happens during a break that puts a lot of strain on a relationship. And by 'shit happens', I mean one of the two parties will sleep with someone else, or something to that effect.

You don't want to deal with the conflicting feelings that come from being in a relationship with someone you care about but also resenting them for what they did when you gave them the chance, even if you've convinced yourself that you forgive everyone involved.


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## ArkaneDemon (Feb 22, 2013)

Yeah dude, move on, it's the best thing you can do. Don't get into the romanticized hype over her coming back, the chance of that happening is too low to dwell on the now-past and lose scope of your future. Move on, do your thing, the right one will come along eventually.


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## Konfyouzd (Feb 22, 2013)

TedEH said:


> I normally wouldn't touch this conversation with a thirty foot pole, but I have a perspective that might add something.
> 
> I'm an example of where the "break" wasn't the end of the relationship and we ended up back together within a month. It's a very different scenario because it wasn't long distance, it was a full break-up, and I was the one who initiated the break, but the result is the same.
> 
> ...



Not sure I caught your point...?


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## TedEH (Feb 22, 2013)

Konfyouzd said:


> Not sure I caught your point...?



The point is that even if they get back together, things are different. As soon as the break is initiated, you're past a sort of point-of-no-return.

In other words, even in the so-called best-case scenario, there's a chance of being emotionally fvcked.

Serious advice: There are worse things a person can do than break up with someone. Don't place more value in your relationship than in yourself.


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## Konfyouzd (Feb 22, 2013)

Oh... That makes perfect sense. 

This thread is now quite interesting... I was talking to a chick "last year"--as in like 2 months ago... 

Come the new year she started acting really funny... Couldn't get her to hang out anymore and stuff. Finally decided to just ask her wtf is up. First she told me "Oh that was last year." DAMN, son... Then proceeded to make a bunch of excuses about how her life is so tough right now bc she has a lot to do at work (but isn't doing work outside of work so how does that factor in?)... Long story short, I told her to take her excuses and shove em, and just stopped speaking to her from that point. It's been about 3 - 4 weeks.

Then today I see this thread. Give what advice I can based on the fact that I've had a sort of similar thing happen recently. 

No sooner than I post in this thread she's hittin' me up... 

Too late.


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## Empryrean (Feb 22, 2013)

My experience, "we should take a break"
Within the next week she had a new slice on the side, and I was sad as hell and hoping it was 'just a break'. She tried contacting me a few months later, and sure I could have been happy, and sure I could have taken her back. But if someone is willing to give up so easily on me, why should I give them any chance? It was hard but seeing how easily she'd give up again sealed the deal for me. 

OP, I've been where you are. It's a sour place and a rembrandt feeling inside your gut when you can't understand whats happening or why it's happening. It's really better to just let go, while it may not seem so to you right now, it's a possibility that she has absolutely no interest in being back together and wants to break off for a chance to find someone else, or maybe there is someone else. Please for your own good, realize that you are just as deserving as anyone to be happy, and if this person, your source of happiness- is the same person making you doubt your self worth, then buddy, I don't think she's quite the person you've made her out to be.


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## Double A (Feb 22, 2013)

Empryrean said:


> Please for your own good, realize that you are just as deserving as anyone to be happy, and if this person, your source of happiness- is the same person making you doubt your self worth,



A little OT but I strongly disagree that people's "source of happiness" is someone other than yourself and that your sense of self worth is tied to the person you are in a relationship with. That seems ass backwards to me.

Other people won't make you "happy" person, that is all on you.


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## Konfyouzd (Feb 22, 2013)

I think you took that a little too literally...

Further, when people are in a happy relationship it's not uncommon to hear that one makes the other happy. In fact, if they didn't they shouldn't be together. I do agree that the phrase "source of happiness" sounds like he isn't happy w/o someone else, but I doubt that's what was meant.


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## Blitzie (Feb 22, 2013)

This is a surprisingly mature thread. Lots of really solid advice coming from first-hand experience.

Listen to everyone. They're right.


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## groph (Feb 22, 2013)

Yeah, every time my friends' relationships had a "break," they often did get back together but it was just an agonizing three or four months until things fizzled out for good. Cut your losses and move on, don't waste your time with people who aren't into you.

Girl I tried dating a few months ago also wants to fuck around with girls. Her prerogative, but I'm not having it, I got out.


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## ArkaneDemon (Feb 22, 2013)

groph said:


> Girl I tried dating a few months ago also wants to fuck around with girls. Her prerogative, but I'm not having it, I got out.



Should have said ok but only if you bring them home and share


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## Double A (Feb 22, 2013)

Konfyouzd said:


> I think you took that a little too literally...
> 
> Further, when people are in a happy relationship it's not uncommon to hear that one makes the other happy. In fact, if they didn't they shouldn't be together. I do agree that the phrase "source of happiness" sounds like he isn't happy w/o someone else, but I doubt that's what was meant.


That was why I said it was off topic because it is my opinion that a lot of people walk around waiting for someone to make them happy, like I used to, only to not realize that you have to be happy yourself and if you are a miserable person you will most likely be miserable with with the person you find.

Yes, relationships can be fulfilling and can make you happy. But thinking another person will miraculously come into your life and make everything better and you can be happy forever and ever is kind of putting the cart before the horse.


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## Konfyouzd (Feb 22, 2013)

Sensible advice. 

There are plenty of folks that can't get that through their heads. My most recent ex hit me up about a year ago and all she would do is complain about her current boyfriend and the one before him and the one before him and blah blah blah...

And I asked her, "Are you ever happy when you're single?"

She seemed completely confused by the question.

"I don't know what you mean..."


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## sage (Feb 22, 2013)

Ben Folds Five - Song For The Dumped - YouTube

Yeah, this isn't going to end well for you. I don't have as much sad bastard experience as everyone else seems to have with fickle bitches, but here's the crux of it: You love her. If you were under duress, would you consider a temporary severing of romantic ties with her in hopes that, once all else is dealt with, things can go back to where they were previously with her? No. Because that's crap. Chickspeak bullshit. 

What she really means is, "I am a chickenshit and can't actually dump you, especially since you're such a nice dude and haven't really done anything wrong. Regardless of that, though, my feelings for you have either changed or not developed in the manner I was hoping they would and I would like to end this relationship in a manner that I feel is easiest. As I am a self centered little thing, I haven't put a lot of thought into the torture that thinking this relationship stands a snowball's chance in the underworld is going to put you through. So long! By the way, I hope we can remain friends so I can continue to use you as an emotional tampon as shit continues to go sideways in my life."

Move on, bro. You can always cherish the initial misconceptions you had about her.


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## sage (Feb 22, 2013)

@groph - Good for you. Seems like a jackpot from the outside, but is a minefield in real life.

@ArkaneDemon - The real life minefield is this: it seems like a good idea at first, extra girls around, crazy porno sex and all that. In real life, you will end up at the end of a leash, wrapped in cellophane, electrical tape over your nipples, wearing some leather cock enclosure with spikes on the inside and outside, and being led into a fetish club that only has an alley entrance wondering what the blistering fuck went wrong with your life. 

Or in the ever popular, "We should have a threesome with another dude!" conversation. I'll bet $50 that you won't be the one to initiate the discussion.


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## Konfyouzd (Feb 22, 2013)

Threeway with another dude... I've actually been asked that more times than I like to think about... No ma'am...

I don't even think a lot of chicks that bring that up could deal with it in real life. The situation sounds like a brutal one to me. Every time I see something like that in porn the chick doesn't really appear to be enjoying it so much as enduring it...


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## ArkaneDemon (Feb 22, 2013)

sage said:


> @ArkaneDemon - The real life minefield is this: it seems like a good idea at first, extra girls around, crazy porno sex and all that. In real life, you will end up at the end of a leash, wrapped in cellophane, electrical tape over your nipples, wearing some leather cock enclosure with spikes on the inside and outside, and being led into a fetish club that only has an alley entrance wondering what the blistering fuck went wrong with your life.



oh god wut


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## BIG ND SWEATY (Feb 22, 2013)

InfinityCollision said:


> Are we talking 0.000001% probabilities here?
> 
> The _honest_ truth is what everyone else in this thread has said: she's gone, she's trying to be nice, you need to move on. The "classic case" is romantic novel bullshit.



theres a much bigger chance then that, iv been through the "i want a break" stuff before and i had just a small sliver of hope that she would come back which she did. i didnt beat myself up over it and i certainly wasnt going to let myself get hung up over her. theres nothing wrong with having hope as long as it doesnt consume you and know that theres a greater chance of her not coming back. i feel like most people in this thread think OP is gonna cry himself to sleep every night because of this which i highly doubt is the case.


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## flint757 (Feb 22, 2013)

I've had 2 girls break up with me and want to come back in my short lifetime. They dumped me because they were interested in other people at the time and realized after the fact I was a better person.



Double A said:


> That old saying "Don't make someone your priority when they only make you an option" comes to mind.
> 
> Like it or not, she has relegated you to being an option to her and it is time to move on. Tell her you are moving on and either she will relent or it is over. Yeah, it will most likely hurt like hell but in my experience it will just be 100 times worse if you drag your feet.
> *
> *



QFT

Nobody should be a consolation prize. If we had gotten back together it probably would have lasted the same length of time as before too. If she cracks under pressure or loses interest that easily it doesn't bode well for a relationship.


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## no_dice (Feb 22, 2013)

BIG ND SWEATY said:


> theres a much bigger chance then that, iv been through the "i want a break" stuff before and i had just a small sliver of hope that she would come back which she did. i didnt beat myself up over it and i certainly wasnt going to let myself get hung up over her. theres nothing wrong with having hope as long as it doesnt consume you and know that theres a greater chance of her not coming back. i feel like most people in this thread think OP is gonna cry himself to sleep every night because of this which i highly doubt is the case.



I see where you're coming from, but I don't think everyone is capable of maintaining that kind of neutral stance. I know I wasn't. It's no fun having the person you care about out fucking around, while at the same time telling you they care about you and there's still a chance they'll want you back to keep you on the back burner. 

The way I see it, you're either in or you're out. If you're not sure, then you're out. I see very little emotional satisfaction to gain from someone leaving you, then at some point deciding you're good enough to take back.

I know not everyone is the same, and OP's girlfriend could come back for all I know, but from personal experience and what I've seen my friends and family go through, it's the exception rather than the rule.


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## SP1N3SPL1TT3R (Feb 22, 2013)

Ibanezsam4 said:


> A lady told me this same thing once. at first i was sad, but then i regained my former courage bit by bit. and when i once again was confident, i went out into the wilderness and dug a whole into the side of a mountain and stuck my dick in it...
> 
> moral of the story: breaking up is hard to do, but if you make it through you can fuck a mountain



Or it can mean that you've gotta a weird fetish


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## AxeHappy (Feb 22, 2013)

Went through the whole on a break thing in August. 

It's over dude. She has found somebody else and is trying to spare your feelings. Which is bullshit. Much less painful to just cut the ties right away.


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## BIG ND SWEATY (Feb 22, 2013)

no_dice said:


> I see where you're coming from, but I don't think everyone is capable of maintaining that kind of neutral stance. I know I wasn't. It's no fun having the person you care about out fucking around, while at the same time telling you they care about you and there's still a chance they'll want you back to keep you on the back burner.


you kind of have to have a go with the flow attitude for that to work like it did for me. a key part of that is the other person is going to do what is going to make them happy regardless of what you want. its best to be happy that the person you care about is doing what is making them happy


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## no_dice (Feb 22, 2013)

BIG ND SWEATY said:


> you kind of have to have a go with the flow attitude for that to work like it did for me. a key part of that is the other person is going to do what is going to make them happy regardless of what you want. its best to be happy that the person you care about is doing what is making them happy



Fair enough. I've just never been able to be laid back like that when it comes to relationships. That limbo state is just frustrating, and I feel like I can't give someone else a fair chance if I'm hanging on to the hopes that the last girl will come back. Then again, I tend to severely overthink things.  All it comes down to, really, is if OP will be able to take the 'whatever happens, happens' stance.

...a little off-topic, I think it's kind of funny how this thread boomed into all of us discussing our personal experiences and debating how to handle this situation.


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## groph (Feb 22, 2013)

ArkaneDemon said:


> Should have said ok but only if you bring them home and share



I might have suggested such a thing if I knew the other girl involved and if I were a little more detached in my outlook regarding sex.



sage said:


> @groph - Good for you. Seems like a jackpot from the outside, but is a minefield in real life.




Nah, I don't need to be congratulated. I know there's mad "bro points" for having a girl-girl-guy threesome but I give zero shits about said points. The girl's bisexual and she told me that she wants to explore herself some more before she looks around for a committed relationship. I thought she was sending cues my way that she really liked me so such a relationship could have been possible, but later she said that she's currently seeing a girl. At that point I made my mind up and that night I cut things off. I thought we had, or were at least heading towards an exclusive dating relationship but apparently not. I'm still hurt over it but I can't sit here blaming myself or blaming her. I have no right or want to try to control what she can and cannot do, and I also have the right to determine my wants out of a relationship. I don't look at sex casually, she does. It means a *lot* to me, it is a big deal, that's not the case for her, she's a lot more "free loving" and open relationships are interesting to her. That's a bit of an incompatibility and I'm kind of sour I got mixed messages from her but the two of us are only 22, we're not experts in anything. I don't see her as a promiscuous harlot nor some stupid hippie, she's really cool but we're not relationship material for each other, at least not now. She's in a phase where she wants to explore herself, I'm in a phase where I'm down on myself and need to pull myself up, I've been in a depression since September, when school started and I met her. I probably shouldn't be concerning myself too much with relationships when I need to take care of myself better.

I'm not hijacking this thread to talk about myself, OP this applies to you too.


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## vampiregenocide (Feb 22, 2013)

I want to take a break = I'm too nervous to outright break up with you, so let's stew on the idea for a couple of weeks so you can mentally prepare yourself for the inevitable and it will be easier for me to dump you.


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## Force (Feb 22, 2013)

BIG ND SWEATY said:


> if she does come back and you're with another girl you're gonna look like an asshole.



This is why you move on. See her 'break' & raise her a 'break up'.

Seriously, she could very well be worried about what she is putting you through with all her personal ordeals. Accept her kind offer & walk away.

You can concentrate on guitar now, a GF won't let you do that.


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## Konfyouzd (Feb 22, 2013)

groph said:


> Nah, I don't need to be congratulated. I know there's mad "bro points" for having a girl-girl-guy threesome but I give zero shits about said points.



Indeed. One of the problems I see with dating/sexual encounters in general is that people seem to do things--at least from my vantage point--less to make themselves happy and more to impress others. 

One day bro points will put food on the table...


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## BIG ND SWEATY (Feb 22, 2013)

Force said:


> This is why you move on. See her 'break' & raise her a 'break up'.
> 
> Seriously, she could very well be worried about what she is putting you through with all her personal ordeals. Accept her kind offer & walk away.
> 
> You can concentrate on guitar now, a GF won't let you do that.



but if she is actually intending on getting back together with him then hes kinda fucked both ways, besides since they're on a break they're not technically together so they can both see other people if they choose to.


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## AngstRiddenDreams (Feb 22, 2013)




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## groph (Feb 22, 2013)

God relationships are ridiculous. Love is for the weak.


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## PeteyG (Feb 22, 2013)

Don't know if it's been said but she could also just be doing something that only a girl would do in a relationship...

She could be testing you, see how you react to this, see if you're the kind of guy she wants to stay with for a long time.

The relationship testing thing is a psychosis only girls do, not all girls mind you, but some of them do. Whether it's lying, saying they went through your phone and found sexts from another girl to see if you get paranoid or something equally as batshit crazy like this might be, you don't want in on a relationship with that kind of a girl, and you never know that they're that kind of girl until it's WAAAAYY too late and she's going all Fatal Attraction on you.


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## AngstRiddenDreams (Feb 22, 2013)

groph said:


> God relationships are ridiculous. Love is for the weak.


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## donkekis (Feb 22, 2013)

well, I see that like that. Not all girls who want a break, break up with you. Your girlfriend actually could really be just stressed out, and unhappy where your relationship is heading. She asks for a break to see if her situation gets worse or better. Now, imo just sitting and waiting is the worst thing you can do. If you don't want to see other girls, tell her that and give her...a week or two to decide for herself what she wants. Don't call her in that time. You should also use that time to decide what you want


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## troyguitar (Feb 22, 2013)

GF and I "broke up" twice before but both times we were thinking it would be permanent at the time. I don't understand "taking a break" - you're either together or you're not.


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## Double A (Feb 22, 2013)

BIG ND SWEATY said:


> but if she is actually intending on getting back together with him then hes kinda fucked both ways, besides since they're on a break they're not technically together so they can both see other people if they choose to.


You are really giving the OP a lot of false hope.

As someone else said earlier, yours is the exception and not the rule.


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## 7 Strings of Hate (Feb 22, 2013)

My 2 cents? I'd deal with it for a little bit, but i would put a limit on how much i was willing to take before it was obvious that it was too far. 

Give her a little space, and check in with her, and be reasonable with her.
But at a certian point, you have to think that she has more than 4 hours of space between you. 

I'd understand if you wanted to wait it out a little bit, and I dont think thats unwise. But i personally would also give her a few days or a week, and check in with her and tell her you have too much self respect for yourself to be on the hook at her convience.


I'm no expert, but I have been with my wife for 13 years(married 7), so I know how good a relationship with the right person can feel. I'v spent one day in 13 years not with my wife for a 24 hour period and we just love to be together. When things have got tough on either end, we worked things out and didnt back out of the relationship. So I would be extremely hurt in your situation. I would give her some time, but within reason.

Oh, and I'm only 29. All the 13 year relationship shit makes me sound like a grampy, but Im not 

Good luck bro.


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## BIG ND SWEATY (Feb 22, 2013)

Double A said:


> You are really giving the OP a lot of false hope.
> 
> As someone else said earlier, yours is the exception and not the rule.



and how is that? iv just shared my experience with the situation and gave my advice all while giving him both sides of the coin. iv not once said that she will definitely come back to him, which is what providing him with false hope would be.



7 Strings of Hate said:


> My 2 cents? I'd deal with it for a little bit, but i would put a limit on how much i was willing to take before it was obvious that it was too far.
> 
> Give her a little space, and check in with her, and be reasonable with her.
> But at a certian point, you have to think that she has more than 4 hours of space between you.
> ...



finally someone whose said something besides "you're fucked bro cut all ties"

i feel like most of you have just been burned by some cunts and are completely jaded to the situation, there are good women out there who are genuinely concerned about not being able to give their partner enough attention and would like to not have that added stress on top of what they already have going on.


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## flint757 (Feb 22, 2013)

BIG ND SWEATY said:


> and how is that? iv just shared my experience with the situation and gave my advice all while giving him both sides of the coin. iv not once said that she will definitely come back to him, which is what providing him with false hope would be.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



You can ascertain a lot of info about someone by their responses and the OP sounds like the type to keep himself hooked. If she wants to get back together then that's cool, but he does need to at least pretend it is over until then. This whole, "I'll be faithful still, waiting for you sweet return" is just an incredibly bad thing to do and that is exactly what he said he was going to do.

It may be because we are jaded, but in my personal life (and many from a variety of lifestyles) plus everyone here has said the same thing. Objectively you are an outlier.

Again, it is entirely plausible that someone would get back together or stay together if it is a long relationship. 5 months is short enough that it is only at the cusp of bf/gf and just dating. IMO cutting ties in this stage makes little sense if the intent is long term. She may come back when she is freer (if she is being truthful), but he should absolutely pretend he is not with her and date other people in the meantime.


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## Empryrean (Feb 22, 2013)

Double A said:


> A little OT but I strongly disagree that people's "source of happiness" is someone other than yourself and that your sense of self worth is tied to the person you are in a relationship with. That seems ass backwards to me.
> 
> Other people won't make you "happy" person, that is all on you.



I didn't mean it in the sense that you can't be happy alone. Hell no, I'm very happy alone 

I meant that if someone makes you happy, realize when they are no longer wanting to. The detachment is what I'm alluding at. In my earlier post, the self doubt would be the uneasyness that accompanies situations like these, you're unsure of what is happening and you are reaching out for answers.



Konfyouzd said:


> I think you took that a little too literally...


qft.


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## BIG ND SWEATY (Feb 22, 2013)

flint757 said:


> You can ascertain a lot of info about someone by their responses and the OP sounds like the type to keep himself hooked. If she wants to get back together then that's cool, but he does need to at least pretend it is over until then. This whole, "I'll be faithful still, waiting for you sweet return" is just an incredibly bad thing to do and that is exactly what he said he was going to do.
> 
> It may be because we are jaded, but in my personal life (and many from a variety of lifestyles) plus everyone here has said the same thing. Objectively you are an outlier.
> 
> Again, it is entirely plausible that someone would get back together or stay together if it is a long relationship. 5 months is short enough that it is only at the cusp of bf/gf and just dating. IMO cutting ties in this stage makes little sense if the intent is long term. She may come back when she is freer (if she is being truthful), but he should absolutely pretend he is not with her and date other people in the meantime.



wow i cant even believe i missed that the first time, i agree that shit is not good at all. im fully aware that im an outlier in this case but i think that shows that there is a chance even if it is small but he should not take that as a definite she will come back. if it turns out that she is not being truthful then i think he should follow everyone elses advice and cut all ties i agree with that last part also, by no means should he pretend hes with her, they are on a break which means they are not together and that gives him free reign to date others just like it gives her free reign to do the same.


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## Double A (Feb 22, 2013)

Empryrean said:


> I didn't mean it in the sense that you can't be happy alone. Hell no, I'm very happy alone
> 
> I meant that if someone makes you happy, realize when they are no longer wanting to. The detachment is what I'm alluding at. In my earlier post, the self doubt would be the uneasyness that accompanies situations like these, you're unsure of what is happening and you are reaching out for answers.
> 
> ...


I realize that, I was just trying to make another point.


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## glpg80 (Feb 22, 2013)

BIG ND SWEATY said:


> finally someone whose said something besides "you're fucked bro cut all ties"



We dont say it to be offensive. We say it because we've been there and know how much it hurts to realize the time that was wasted and the rejection of someone you may still love.

Reality checks in and we are telling him what he needs to hear, not what he wants. You need to always be level with yourself regardless of your situation otherwise you're going to get ran over in the real world. You have to decide where the line in the sand exists. Everyone here including myself has been there and obviously the responses are even identical to our situations. You can have hope but dont try to live a fairy tale - it only makes it worse in the end.


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## Wings of Obsidian (Feb 22, 2013)

Long distance relationships never sat or work. That is from my experience and it is so true. Women need male attention and when it is far away, they need new means of getting it. It is a natural craving. We men do not have a craving like that. But when you cannot be physically with someone, it is easy for other things to take over.

The human heart is so easily swayed by emotion and is a trickster.

I dated a girl for FOUR YEARS and she ended up moving. Within one month after she moved, she left me. I WAS HOMELESS, HOSPITALIZED, AND SHE LEFT ME AFTER FOUR YEARS. Not even two weeks later (putting around a month exactly) she was sucking face with some other guy and probably all over his dick.

FUCK THAT BITCH FOR WASTING FOUR YEARS OF MY LIFE.

Sorry to shanghai your thread....my advice....get a new girl.


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## axxessdenied (Feb 22, 2013)

Go out and nail something new

/thread


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## VBCheeseGrater (Feb 23, 2013)

I agree with alot of whats been said - especially "If she wants to be with you she will be with you"

Either way, whatever the case may be, the best thing you can do for yourself and for the future of this relationship if it has one is to get on with your life without her. That means look and talk to other women, pursue them even. Play in a kick ass band. Anything but sit around wondering what shes doing. If she wants a break, there's no point in wasting your precious life being miserable wondering what she is doing

First of all, waiting around for her will not make you attractive to her. You WILL be more attractive to her and others if you get on with your life. Plus, you'll be healthier and happier. Get on with your life brother, regardless of what's going on in her head or yours, which i'm sure is alot and you are hurting. Love fuckin hurts when it goes bad. The only cure is to dive into the things in life you enjoy. Best of luck. I too don't mean to sound harsh and i feel for you. I'm just saying only positive will come if you get on with your life. Waiting around will only hurt and waste your time.


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## Hollowway (Feb 23, 2013)

VBCheeseGrater said:


> First of all, waiting around for her will not make you attractive to her. You WILL be more attractive to her and others if you get on with your life.



QFT. It's a vicious cycle. Girl loses interest in boy, boy turns into wussy puppy dog, girl loses more interest, boy turns into more of a wussy puppy dog. 
Take it from a (formerly) wussy puppy dog: Don't go there. A lot of guys notice that they get way more attention from girls when they're in a relationship rather than single. Why? Because girls are attracted to confidence and being sure of yourself. Not cocky, not insensitive, but being strong, stable, and having direction.


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## Hollowway (Feb 23, 2013)

Wings of Obsidian said:


> Long distance relationships never sat or work. That is from my experience and it is so true. Women need male attention and when it is far away, the need new means of getting it. It is a natural craving. We men do not have a craving like that. But when you cannot be physically with someone, it is easy for other things to take over.
> 
> The human heart is so easily swayed by emotion and is a trickster.
> 
> ...



Bro hug. I have SO been there myself. (Well, not the homeless hospitalized part!) It STILL pisses me off that all the stuff I did could be undone so easily.


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## axxessdenied (Feb 23, 2013)

Hollowway said:


> QFT. It's a vicious cycle. Girl loses interest in boy, boy turns into wussy puppy dog, girl loses more interest, boy turns into more of a wussy puppy dog.
> Take it from a (formerly) wussy puppy dog: Don't go there. A lot of guys notice that they get way more attention from girls when they're in a relationship rather than single. Why? Because girls are attracted to confidence and being sure of yourself. Not cocky, not insensitive, but being strong, stable, and having direction.



NAILED IT!

Women want a MAN! Act like one!


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## Idontpersonally (Feb 23, 2013)

Pretty much everything that needs to be said has been said. Our advice can only show you the way, but lord keith and kevin will take you to the promised land.


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## Experimorph (Feb 23, 2013)

> She could be testing you, see how you react to this, see if you're the kind of guy she wants to stay with for a long time.
> 
> The relationship testing thing is a psychosis only girls do, not all girls mind you, but some of them do. Whether it's lying, saying they went through your phone and found sexts from another girl to see if you get paranoid or something equally as batshit crazy like this might be, you don't want in on a relationship with that kind of a girl, and you never know that they're that kind of girl until it's WAAAAYY too late and she's going all Fatal Attraction on you.



Don't know how many girls actually do this on purpose, but I'm comping Petey here. You don't want to have this girl around you; you will never earn their trust, no matter what you do. They are extremely envious in every manner. Besides, it means being your honest self isn't enough for her.



> finally someone whose said something besides "you're fucked bro cut all ties"
> 
> i feel like most of you have just been burned by some cunts and are completely jaded to the situation, there are good women out there who are genuinely concerned about not being able to give their partner enough attention and would like to not have that added stress on top of what they already have going on.



Not really. In situations like these you talk it over. If you have genuine feelings and trust in someone, you don't want to have a break in your relationship with him/her. If you're going through some rough times, you tell your partner because you seek their support. Of course people want some time on their own, that's when they ask to be alone for a couple of days - not for an undetermined time span that could last until "I've made up my mind about things in general."

_*IF YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED IN THE BIOLOGY OF LOVE - I.E. WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR BRAIN - DON'T READ FURTHER!*_ The following is also somewhat off-topic, I guess.

From an evolutionary standpoint, humans were not even meant to pair with someone for decades. We were supposed to spread our seeds in every open hole in order to pass on our genes successfully.

Love is pure chemistry: when you fall in love with someone, you are extracting "love hormones"; that's why you want to spend every single minute with your newfound partner within the first months. Your brain produces these hormones for approximately 1,5 years at _maximum_. Ever wondered why your sex life changed drastically after the first year (or maybe the first couple of months) in your past relationships? You weren't overflooded with hormones that kept you interested in the person you're with. That's also why you start seeing lots of perfect titties and boobs everywhere you go - while you couldn't think of anyone but your partner just a couple of weeks ago.

The modern society has us believe that entitling yourself to only one person is the only moral thing to do. It's also the most sensible thing to do; moving in with someone is financially a wise move, granted that your partner isn't a crack whore. It also enables you to reproduce in a socially accepted manner; you aren't going to be glanced upon nicely if you're married but make a dozen neighbours pregnant.

Why did I even bring this up? Take note that the OP was in a long-distance relationship. If we're producing these hormones only for a short amount of time and we wish to be around the partner during that time non-stop, why should we keep producing these hormones when we aren't even in the vicinity of our chosen partner? We will soon forget about him/her, because we... well, god damn, we need to shoot that load somewhere where it'll grow! We keep on the move after breaking up because we need to butter some more bread. That's why you don't give a single flying one about some girl you were with five years ago.

/end forever alone rant


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## Korngod (Feb 23, 2013)

One tidbit of information I might add is that I can almost 100% rule out the possibility of her seeing another guy since she doesn't even have any friends outside of work besides me. At this point I've talked to her, and have come to the conclusion that I will give her some space and accept his break. If it was meant to work out, we'll be back together eventually. I know in my heart that she just has a shitload of stuff going on right now and she doesnt think its fair that I'll practically never be able to see her since she's so busy. I have put up the offer to fly both of us out to the west coast to spend time with her mother who is not doing well so we will see where things go.


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## Wings of Obsidian (Feb 23, 2013)

Korngod said:


> One tidbit of information I might add is that I can almost 100% rule out the possibility of her seeing another guy since she doesn't even have any friends outside of work besides me. At this point I've talked to her, and have come to the conclusion that I will give her some space and accept his break. If it was meant to work out, we'll be back together eventually. I know in my heart that she just has a shitload of stuff going on right now and she doesnt think its fair that I'll practically never be able to see her since she's so busy. I have put up the offer to fly both of us out to the west coast to spend time with her mother who is not doing well so we will see where things go.


 
Keep telling yourself that...same excuse I got.

Chick I was with was a fake gothic kid who rejected everyone and had no friends....and WHOOPS look what the hell happened. Oh well.


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## glpg80 (Feb 23, 2013)

Based on your response you might be holding on to damn tight. The Clingy kind of tight. Girls hate clingy guys. Just an FYI


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## Wings of Obsidian (Feb 23, 2013)

axxessdenied said:


> NAILED IT!
> 
> Women want a MAN! Act like one!



Indeed.

See, women have a double portion of emotions compared to men. I mean they are senselessly drowning in emotion all the time, whereas, society teaches us men to "be strong", "be a man", and don't even get in contact with your emotions. But we break that when a women becomes involved.

It is ok to be a wussy little puppy dog. Men take this shit hard. (Women turn into robots at this point at release that they can't deal with all their emotions so they turn them off momentarily with the flick of a switch. Then they come back once they find someone else.) But you gotta step up.

Read my story above. Now....if she WANTS to be with you, then she WILL be with you. I have been talking with a girl, just talking, but she has expressed such a damn crazy interest and love for me and has done all sorts of awesome things I have never seen a woman do. We have been talking for a long time and she literally avoids talking to others guys. I have just now started doing things in return for her to be nice and be a gentlemen...but dude....the point is, we have been like this for four months now, and I can tell that SHE WANTS ME.

(*insert song "She Wants Me"  )


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## leechmasterargentina (Feb 23, 2013)

I'm 31 years old, and age/experience does count in this area. When a woman wants time off, it means her love for you has gone. They do that because they are afraid (just like men too) of leaving you and feeling lonely; I guess that happens to everybody when we're not yet mature in our relationships. She may be seeing another guy, who knows, but either way it means things are not going well.

The only thing I could recommend you is that you begin to leave that relationship behind and move forward. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. I know it's hurts like shit, but that's the way it is. I've been in troubled relationship; one of them lasted 6 years. All I can say that 4 years were hell, breaking up and coming back. That's not good, for either of you.

No woman is perfect, but a good relationship is not a troubled one.

That's the best I can say with my experience. Wish you the best, and don't stay swimming in the shit if it all goes to hell. Just move on, do things, keep your mind busy and you'll move on.


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## tacotiklah (Feb 23, 2013)

It's kind of a gambit, but maybe try dating other people. When she sees that she is easily replaceable, she will become jealous and try and get back with you. Ignore her for a little while. This is good for you because it will cure you of that puppy dog syndrome that people are talking about, and good for her because she needs time to figure out what the hell it is that she wants. She needs to get over herself and she needs the time to do that. You talking to her a lot will confuse things even more. So break ties with her for a while. If you know she's gonna be somewhere, don't go there. If you guys are stuck at school/work/class together, do the very bare minimum of speaking that is required to complete your tasks, then walk away from her. It will be incredibly hard to do this, but you have to do it.


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## Experimorph (Feb 23, 2013)

Korngod said:


> One tidbit of information I might add is that I can almost 100% rule out the possibility of her seeing another guy since she doesn't even have any friends outside of work besides me. At this point I've talked to her, and have come to the conclusion that I will give her some space and accept his break. If it was meant to work out, we'll be back together eventually. I know in my heart that she just has a shitload of stuff going on right now and she doesnt think its fair that I'll practically never be able to see her since she's so busy. I have put up the offer to fly both of us out to the west coast to spend time with her mother who is not doing well so we will see where things go.



I don't mean to be rude but yours is the kind of explanation one comes up with because they don't want to accept the facts at hand. Admittedly, we can't say why she wants that break, we don't know you or her, but I assure you "it's not fair that she has no time to see you" is not a valid reason. She's basically telling you to get over her.

Let's take into consideration the off-chance that she's really just worried about you because of the distance and that you two'll be back together; don't give more than a week or two at most. If she hasn't told you her decision in that given time, she's made her mind up... and it's not the response in your favor.

If she doesn't take up your offer to fly to the West Coast together, you can tell it's game over. She's not looking back at you.


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## MJS (Feb 23, 2013)

Korngod said:


> One tidbit of information I might add is that I can almost 100% rule out the possibility of her seeing another guy since she doesn't even have any friends outside of work besides me..



Prediction: You're not going to handle it well when reality finally sinks in. 



Korngod said:


> I know in my heart that she just has a shitload of stuff going on right now and she doesnt think its fair that I'll practically never be able to see her since she's so busy.



Wake up. Everyone is busy and has their own problems in life, but people that aren't selfish scumbags don't use everyday life as an excuse to shit on people they're supposed to care about. Makes sense, doesn't it?

How do guys suckered into believing that a girl can hit an exact point of being busy where the only thing that needs to change to fix things is get rid of a guy? 

I guess no loyal couples that actually love each other have busy lives or problems, right? 


She couldn't even make herself be with you for over 5 months, which is not a long relationship by any standards. What exactly are your long-term expectations here... the occasional 5 months of her tolerating you between breaks? 

If this is really the best you think you deserve, then knock yourself out... but at some point you're going to think clearly and realize no one that cares about you would need a break from you. You'll feel stupid and tell yourself you won't fall for that one again. Or you can skip that step and not fall for it this time. 

Would you like to hear the truth from her instead of us? Pick up the phone and stand up for yourself. Tell her you think the idea of a break is retarded (because it is) and that it's either over for good, or you're still together and you'll work around her schedule. 

Let me guess, you won't do that because deep down, you already know the answer... right? See how easily replaced you are? So is she. 

Now ask yourself if you'd even want to be with someone that would choose never seeing you again over seeing you once in awhile. 

Is it sinking in yet?


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## Wings of Obsidian (Feb 23, 2013)

MJS said:


> Prediction: You're not going to handle it well when reality finally sinks in.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



After my four year relationship, once it sank in, I did call her and do just that to confirm everything. Then I mysteriously felt better.


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## chickenxnuggetz91 (Feb 23, 2013)

Women are not honest. They will say anything to avoid hurting your feelings. They are human after all. She probably found someone else. Keep your chin up man. Another great gal will come along. 

P.S. I'm not saying women are evil, I'm just saying they don't know how to be straightforward. At least from my experience.


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## texshred777 (Feb 23, 2013)

ghstofperdition said:


> It's kind of a gambit, but maybe try dating other people. When she sees that she is easily replaceable, she will become jealous and try and get back with you.


 
Yeah, but do you want to have to resort to playing games? A woman who only comes around because of jealousy is not worth having. Eventually, the same scenario will likely occur. If you want to start dating other people, do it because you want to, and not to win back someone. It's not fair to other people, and leads them on for no reason other than to boost your ego.

I agree being clingy is a bad idea, in general. Not only because of how it looks to women, but it's a codependency thing that is not healthy.

I'll be honest, I have actually had a "break" with a girl that was only a "break". With that said, I still agree with the general consensus is correct. It's probably a break up.

There's a time when you have to be honest with yourself about what's going on. If you live 4 hours away from her, how exactly does she need a "break"? You're not exactly with her at every hour of every day. If you're always blowing up her phone and getting jealous and acting really clingy- THEN I could see this as being the case. And let's say you eventually do live together(or at least close), how long will it take then for her to need another break? 

I know it's hard to deal with, and I'm not trying to be insensitive. I'm just trying to be honest, here. I went through it eight months ago. I let my WIFE go, because I want someone to want to be with me. She didn't, and hadn't-and I deserve better than that. As do you.


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## flint757 (Feb 23, 2013)

I have a feeling this relationship is a lot more casual than you believe. How do you end up in a 5 month relationship with someone who doesn't even live near you? IMO a 'serious' relationship cannot be had under such conditions which makes a break a lot more like a break up.

In addendum to the rest of what I've said long distance rarely works and when it does it is because the couple is genuinely close (read as long relationship and actually with each other). You are in a 5 month relationship (short) with a girl you never/rarely see and you think it is a good close relationship? There is absolutely no reason for her to wait on you. I'm sure there are some details missing here, but a break coupled with 'permanent' long distance means she met someone who lives closer and doesn't want to hurt you (which ironically does hurt you).


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## benduncan (Feb 23, 2013)

he sounds exactly like me..



op! i know how we can solve both of our problems. lets just date each other! cue the music!

The Beach Boys - Don't Worry Baby (HQ Audio) - YouTube


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## Blitzie (Feb 23, 2013)

It's over dude. I'm sorry to say but it is.

I got dumped on Christmas Day (after 2 years of dating) under the guise of a "break"...after a couple weeks of getting dicked around, I decided to take it upon myself to tell her to fuck off and rid myself of the pain of having her in my life in a capacity I wasn't comfortable with. I went to her house to get my things and she informed me that she had fallen back in love with and gotten back with her ex-boyfriend (who is currently in prison), 3 days after we broke up and she didn't have the "heart" to tell me right away.

Walk away. It's done. Trust me, trust the experience of all these people.


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## Pav (Feb 23, 2013)

Unfortunately, these people speak the truth. The one time a girl told me she just wanted a break, I found out through the grapevine she had moved in with and started seriously dating another guy behind my back and was trying to hide it from me. She may tear your heart out but don't let that bitch take your pride as well. Probably the most humiliated I've ever felt in my life.


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## benduncan (Feb 23, 2013)

Blitzie said:


> It's over dude. I'm sorry to say but it is.
> 
> I got dumped on Christmas Day (after 2 years of dating) under the guise of a "break"...after a couple weeks of getting dicked around, I decided to take it upon myself to tell her to fuck off and rid myself of the pain of having her in my life in a capacity I wasn't comfortable with. I went to her house to get my things and she informed me that she had fallen back in love with and gotten back with her ex-boyfriend (who is currently in prison), 3 days after we broke up and she didn't have the "heart" to tell me right away.
> 
> Walk away. It's done. Trust me, trust the experience of all these people.



does she not have _any_ respect for jesus?

glad you were able to do that at some point


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## VBCheeseGrater (Feb 23, 2013)

Hollowway said:


> QFT. It's a vicious cycle. Girl loses interest in boy, boy turns into wussy puppy dog, girl loses more interest, boy turns into more of a wussy puppy dog.
> Take it from a (formerly) wussy puppy dog: Don't go there. A lot of guys notice that they get way more attention from girls when they're in a relationship rather than single. Why? Because girls are attracted to confidence and being sure of yourself. Not cocky, not insensitive, but being strong, stable, and having direction.



Exactly. Been on both sides myself. One of the best times of my life I was still LIVING with my ex-gf who I sorely loved. But I playing in a fun band, going to college and working. You just gotta get on with it to save your head n heart!


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## VBCheeseGrater (Feb 23, 2013)

Blitzie said:


> I went to her house to get my things and she informed me that she had fallen back in love with and gotten back with her ex-boyfriend (who is currently in prison), 3 days after we broke up and she didn't have the "heart" to tell me right away.



Sorry for the double post, but sounds like she found a real winner lol. I pity the fool


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## Blitzie (Feb 23, 2013)

Yeah, I'm not over it. It isn't the fact that the relationship ended (we were both pretty unhappy) but the fact that she lied to me. I don't care if you want to shoot my mom in the head, tell me the damn truth. That's the part that's hard to move on from.

Or in the endless wisdom of my grandfather; *don't piss on my foot and tell me it's raining.*


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## engage757 (Feb 24, 2013)

You live in Jacksonville? I live in Saint Aug beach and party in Jax all the time. THere are a SHITLOAD of women between these two towns, no worries. Plenty of fish in the sea.

I know personally the hardest part in this area is picking one! And they are all mostly nearly naked on the beach already!

Life is full of difficult choices! 

How old are you anyway bro? Maybe in a way, this is her being honest?


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## Korngod (Feb 24, 2013)

Well she finally hit me straight and told me it was because I didn't put enough effort into seeing her. Had I know that was an issue, I'd have made that effort, but due to communication problems, it caused this break up. So I've accepted that its over on good terms and I'm setting her free though I am not closing out the possibility of getting back together if it seems right. We were usually good about communicating but this one little thing caused this whole ordeal so hopefully, if both of us hit it off again, we can learn from this.


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## texshred777 (Feb 24, 2013)

Korngod said:


> Well she finally hit me straight and told me it was because I didn't put enough effort into seeing her. Had I know that was an issue, I'd have made that effort, but due to communication problems, it caused this break up. So I've accepted that its over on good terms and I'm setting her free though I am not closing out the possibility of getting back together if it seems right. We were usually good about communicating but this one little thing caused this whole ordeal so hopefully, if both of us hit it off again, we can learn from this.


 
Trust me, there's more to it than a minor communication hiccup. A minor communication hiccup causes a minor argument about something and you laugh about it when it's over.

She says you didn't make enough effort to see her. It doesn't matter whether or not it was from you not realizing that's what she wanted. In her mind, you should have wanted to go see her more without being told so. Trust me, been there done that. In the end, I suspect that there's more to it. 

Move on bro. If it happens later down the line that's fine, but don't find yourself really dwelling on it.


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## MJS (Feb 24, 2013)

Korngod said:


> Well she finally hit me straight and told me it was because I didn't put enough effort into seeing her.


Nice try on her part, but she didn't go from being full of shit to Ms. Honesty overnight. Just be glad she's gone and that she's already someone else's problem. 



Korngod said:


> Had I know that was an issue, I'd have made that effort, but due to communication problems, it caused this break up.



Snap out of it! Even after you catch her lying, she still somehow convinced you that it's your fault that she's with someone else now.  

If she wasn't lying, she would have invested the whopping 5 minutes of her precious time that it would have taken to talk to you and make everything right. 

And if she wasn't already with someone else (she is), that conversation would have been about getting past it and staying together, instead of giving you a guilt trip as a going away present.


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## broj15 (Feb 24, 2013)

in all honesty man it makes you look pretty beta (at least to me) to be this worked up over a girl that you hardly ever saw.


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## flint757 (Feb 24, 2013)

Korngod said:


> Well she finally hit me straight and told me it was because I didn't put enough effort into seeing her. Had I know that was an issue, I'd have made that effort, but due to communication problems, it caused this break up. So I've accepted that its over on good terms and I'm setting her free though I am not closing out the possibility of getting back together if it seems right. We were usually good about communicating but this one little thing caused this whole ordeal so hopefully, if both of us hit it off again, we can learn from this.



We were spot on dude, she broke up with you and there is like a 80% chance that the timing is because she has met/been with someone else or very soon intends on getting with someone who is closer. Think about it, the first conversation she said she is just too busy to be in a relationship and then the second conversation she says you and her didn't talk/see each other enough AND it is your fault. Me thinks she is just making excuses. (contradiction)



MJS said:


> Nice try on her part, but she didn't go from being full of shit to Ms. Honesty overnight. Just be glad she's gone and that she's already someone else's problem.
> 
> Snap out of it! Even after you catch her lying, she still somehow convinced you that it's your fault that she's with someone else now.
> 
> ...



This is my thought as well. It took her only a couple of minutes to tell him that it was a communication problem so why the (keep you leashed) lie that it is only a break and she still likes him. When she told the 'truth' it was all his fault and it was a breakup. Sounds to me like she, like everyone has been saying, needs a physical connection and she finally found it where ever she is living currently. The fact that the first excuse was a lie is pretty convincing evidence that she is still not being straight up.



If this relationship (remember it is long distance and a fairly short one as well) was going to last (same with it working in the future too) and it was truly only a communication problem y'all would have just worked through it, not end it. I'm more convinced than ever that you just need to move on completely.


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## axxessdenied (Feb 24, 2013)

Korngod said:


> Well she finally hit me straight and told me it was because I didn't put enough effort into seeing her. Had I know that was an issue, I'd have made that effort, but due to communication problems, it caused this break up. So I've accepted that its over on good terms and I'm setting her free though I am not closing out the possibility of getting back together if it seems right. We were usually good about communicating but this one little thing caused this whole ordeal so hopefully, if both of us hit it off again, we can learn from this.



Dude, stop putting this girl on a pedestal. You need a dose of reality. Time to move on.


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## texshred777 (Feb 24, 2013)

axxessdenied said:


> Dude, stop putting this girl on a pedestal. You need a dose of reality. Time to move on.


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## engage757 (Feb 24, 2013)

Korngod said:


> Well she finally hit me straight and told me it was because I didn't put enough effort into seeing her. Had I know that was an issue, I'd have made that effort, but due to communication problems, it caused this break up. So I've accepted that its over on good terms and I'm setting her free though I am not closing out the possibility of getting back together if it seems right. We were usually good about communicating but this one little thing caused this whole ordeal so hopefully, if both of us hit it off again, we can learn from this.



See? Your communication wasn't as good as you thought it was or she would have mentioned it sooner.

Something tells me though, that isn't the main thing.

Otherwise she would have just brought it up if your communication was so great.


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## Blind Theory (Feb 24, 2013)

I was in a relationship for a good while and it just ended a little over a month ago. Here is the skinny on this shit; she went to Utah for college this semester and I live in Colorado. The split was "mutual" in the same way that Native Americans willingly gave up there land and their ways to the settlers  But when you love someone you don't make a fit over it (at least not until a few days ago but that is another, much longer story). Basically, her parents didn't want her to do any sort of long distance thing so she let them control her life and she broke up with me. She claimed that she would still love me throughout the five months or whatever the semester is and when she got back we would get back together. Within a week of her moving out to Utah she started telling me I needed to stop loving her and she didn't want to be the girl of my dreams. Within two weeks she just wanted to be friends and we talked maybe once a week. We don't talk anymore for other reasons

What I am getting at is that girls say things and, in cases of long distance relationships and trying to maintain them even while "taking a break," don't follow through on them. I'm sorry to say man. And you may love the girl but 5 months isn't an established enough "love" in my opinion to really be torn up about. Take it for all the good things it brought and all the fun times you had and move on. If a girl doesn't love you enough to push through all the struggles, no matter how difficult, what makes you think she will "be yours" at any other time in the future? It might be a bit harsh to say that but it is true and the quicker you can come to that the better. I'd say it is best to just move on. If she truly wants to be with you she will prove it. Don't wait up for someone who doesn't want you to help them through their trials because that is what a relationship is in the long run anyway. Good luck dealing with it and good luck making the right decisions. Just know that there are other factors behind what she is doing besides her mom being sick and her job being busy.


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## Korngod (Feb 24, 2013)

She did mention that she just isn't sure if she wants to put effort into me if I supposedly don't put effort into her, she's been burned in the past this way. I know the general opinion on sticking with her but I asked her for another shot and she wants to think about it. She has accepted that its a communication issue but I think she made a knee jerk reaction to call it off and doesn't exactly want to jump right back in where we left off. I'm telling you all, I know there are no other guys involved because she simply doesn't care to really have friends and she has super low self esteem which I hopefully brought up. At the end of the day I'm happy for the time i did have with her and im half open to having her back if she is willing to, but also open to the possibility of that not happening. I put too much of my heart into her to give up hope all at once without trying to work things out. Also, contrary to most peoples advice, I can admit fault where I see it and clearly I should have put more effort into seeing this girl if I really cared so much. I am patient enough of a person to wait for her to give me that one sign I need to know whether or not to continue things. I suppose time will heal.


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## Korngod (Feb 24, 2013)

engage757 said:


> See? Your communication wasn't as good as you thought it was or she would have mentioned it sooner.
> 
> Something tells me though, that isn't the main thing.
> 
> Otherwise she would have just brought it up if your communication was so great.



She only just told me that it was because I didn't seem like I would put much effort into seeing her. Of course I asked why she never told me how she felt but her response was that by her saying she missed me and couldn't wait to see me was the hint that she wanted me to drive there as soon as possible. I always thought the times were inconvenient to her work schedule so Id wait til she knew of a good time.


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## flint757 (Feb 24, 2013)

Dude, those aren't hints. That's actually pretty direct (for a woman at least). You didn't make her feel special is the gist of the problem if all that is accurate. I am curious as to why she lied the first time though and I think the advice would suit your situation better if you actually gave a sliver of background history instead of us just guessing (like how'd you end up in a 5 month long distance relationship).

If you are absolutely intent on being with her then do it right. She says the problem was you didn't communicate or see each other so get back together with her in person and surprise her (that could backfire if she is lying again though). Take the alpha approach and just do it, don't wait around otherwise her answer will be the same. Again that is if she is in fact being honest and you are too. I'd say the easiest and best long term thing to do still is to let go and move on. Long term relationships are wrought with problems like you just had and it will come up again I guarantee it. My advice is to be more of an alpha in future relationships (Make decisions and be bold. Women also love surprises, gifts, etc.) and find someone closer to where you live. It isn't like your relationship was all that long.


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## texshred777 (Feb 24, 2013)

And listen. 

It seems you have difficulties in that area.


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## Korngod (Feb 24, 2013)

I definitely want to try surprising her. I have to wait a week but its when I'll legitimately have time. Clearly, there was misunderstanding on my part which caused this communication issue. Fast forward to the situation now and she wants to be sure I'm not making false promises like her past relationships.

Edit: brief background.. I met her online and we just kept contact for about 6 months and out of luck, she ends up moving clear across the country, to just 4-5 hours away from me. Her and I got together shortly after meeting during that 6th month. We never once argued or fought about a single thing, ever. We were genuinely happy. Even she says she was. It was her previous experience with guys not changing after making promises that has her hesitant to coming back to me.


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## MJS (Feb 24, 2013)

Korngod said:


> She did mention that she just isn't sure if she wants to put effort into me...


That's probably the closest she'll ever get to telling the truth. 



Korngod said:


> I know the general opinion on sticking with her but I asked her for another shot and she wants to think about it.



That's what people that know when they're being jerked around refer to as a "Hell NO!" 

At this point, it's pretty safe to say she lies to you because she doesn't think you'll accept the truth and move on.



Korngod said:


> She has accepted that its a communication issue but I think she made a knee jerk reaction to call it off and doesn't exactly want to jump right back in where we left off.



Does that really make sense to you? So she can't communicate with you to tell you there's a problem, but her communication skills work fine when she wants to dump you? 



Korngod said:


> I'm telling you all, I know there are no other guys involved because she simply doesn't care to really have friends and she has super low self esteem which I hopefully brought up.



You're kidding yourself. I'm thinking at this point she could send you pictures of her banging someone else and you still wouldn't believe it. 

As far as self-esteem goes... you do realize that your own story makes it seem like you're the one with self-esteem issues, right? She seems perfectly in control and she's doing what she wants, while you're clinging to someone that's still shitting all over you even after dumping you. 



Korngod said:


> I put too much of my heart into her to give up hope all at once without trying to work things out.



So you think it's normal to _put too much of your heart_ into a girl... and then believe that she thinks you're not into her is an honest excuse when she dumps you? 



Korngod said:


> I am patient enough of a person to wait for her to give me that one sign I need to know whether or not to continue things. I suppose time will heal.



If constantly lying to you and dumping you doesn't count as a sign, I guess you must be holding out for a restraining order or an invitation to her wedding with your replacement. 

Seriously though, you seem to be in a funk that's keeping you from thinking clearly and detecting painfully obvious patterns. When you snap out of it, you'll realize the closest thing you've heard to the truth in the last 5 months has been from complete strangers on the internet.


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## Idontpersonally (Feb 24, 2013)

She is her mother.


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## Captain Butterscotch (Feb 24, 2013)

Move on, man. I've been there and done this. Save yourself some serious mental anguish and stop lingering.


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## Blind Theory (Feb 24, 2013)

And to sort of echo what is being said, just stop any communication you still have with her. It seems hard, trust me, I know. You have to do it though. If you are still trying to talk to her you aren't going to be able to move on, ever. Count your losses and move on, man. You learned so you can take that to your next relationship.


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## DSilence (Feb 24, 2013)

There are some spot on posts here, 
Girls are different creatures, take it from the guys that have 'been there done that' & offered you their advice. 
As hard as it is to move on you cant keeping taking what she is telling you for face value as its darn confusing & rightly so as shes having trouble telling you. 
I think firstly you need to give her a break, if she really wants to be with you she will come back, otherwise I suggest you move on.


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## Korngod (Feb 24, 2013)

I truly think she wants me back but is confused. Perhaps I reminded her of an ex's behavior? I'm not denying that she has trouble telling me straight but we both had a problem and now that its acknowledged I firmly believe time could heal it and we can both fix our issues.


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## Wings of Obsidian (Feb 24, 2013)

Korngod said:


> I definitely want to try surprising her. I have to wait a week but its when I'll legitimately have time. Clearly, there was misunderstanding on my part which caused this communication issue. Fast forward to the situation now and she wants to be sure I'm not making false promises like her past relationships.
> 
> Edit: brief background.. I met her online and we just kept contact for about 6 months and out of luck, she ends up moving clear across the country, to just 4-5 hours away from me. Her and I got together shortly after meeting during that 6th month. We never once argued or fought about a single thing, ever. We were genuinely happy. Even she says she was. It was her previous experience with guys not changing after making promises that has her hesitant to coming back to me.


 
_*OK I NEED YOU TO READ MY WORDS CAREFULLY:*_

I mentioned the girl I was with for four years and how she left me within the first month when she moved and left our town. Dude....PLEASE....I'm begging you....PLEASE as a fellow sevestringer READ MY STORY AND TESTIMONY a page or two back. PLEASE.

What is worse...SHE WAS HER MOTHER. (Someone already said this about your girl). The girl I was with was the daughter of a whore who was married three times and had two other fiances and had kids from all different guys (none of whom she was with for long in case you don't catch my drift). After I lost the girl and she moved, she BECAME THE SAME AS HER MOTHER. "Like father like son. And like mother like daughter."

Needless to say, I am disgusted that I even was with such a piece of trash for FOUR YEARS. But oh well, I learned, had some good times, made some great memories, and I have moved on. 

DO NOT PURSUE HER. I did that. I did NOT let her go for months. I became severely depressed went on suicide rants, obsessed over stalking this girl on Facebook and Twitter until finally I drove out to see her one day and saw her and realized......IT WAS OVER. I crashed. I threw away four years of my life on her. BUT I GOT OVER IT AT THAT MOMENT AND FELT GREAT! (I even did a little hop-and-a-skip after driving back home that day.  )

Bro, this is coming from a person who has truly, genuinely been there and done that in a similiar scenario. Only difference is that I had the girl right down the street from me for four years and we were always together. Things do not last.

"THE QUICKEST WAY TO GET OVER SOMEONE IS TO GET ATTACHED TO SOMEONE ELSE."

You hardly even had a relationship to start with. I had something real and lost it. I got over it. You can be resilient and bounce back. JUST DO IT. The human heart is so easily swayed and decieved and it is a trickster. So believe me, you will find another piece of ass, ok?

If you want to talk, PM me. I am willing to PM on here, email, even call. Dude, been there, done that.


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## Wings of Obsidian (Feb 24, 2013)

texshred777 said:


>


 
This made me LOL so f-ing hard. 

DO NOT EVER PUT YOUR WOMAN ON A PEDESTAL.

While it is true, men are supposed to work 100x harder in a relationship than the women....we ARE NOT supposed to bow down and kiss their feet and think of them as a goddess. They are supposed to be "your equal", so treat them like it. Just don't be afraid to move your head up a little.  Ok? (Like the guy in this picture. He needs to move his head up a little. Lol.)


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## Ibanezsam4 (Feb 24, 2013)

texshred777 said:


>



yeah man, you got to have your head more level with her abdomen to do that correctly


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## Semichastny (Feb 24, 2013)

I don't think it's going to work guys, Korngod seems out of touch with reality...


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## Wings of Obsidian (Feb 24, 2013)

Semichastny said:


> I don't think it's going to work guys, Korngod seems out of touch with reality...



Have we even established his age yet? If this is going where I think it is, I am figuring he is between 14-19.... -.-'

Read my story above.


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## flint757 (Feb 24, 2013)

So online to long distance is pretty much how this all goes. I'm sorry, but I fail to see how you can be 'in love' with this person. What you described is not a true relationship so why should she or you be THAT committed to each other. I'm going to go off a limb here and say you aren't that good at meeting people or at relationships (maybe this was even your first) and this is why you are having trouble moving on. You fear being alone and don't have the confidence to try again. Those are absolutely 100% terrible reasons to stay in a relationship or to pursue a lost cause (verge of stalking territory if she continues to shoot you down). Despite us all possibly being wrong it still sounds like she is trying to let you down 'easy' and you just can't take the hint (which you've already admitted too). If you can't recognize positive subtlety I think it is safe to assume you suck at taking negative subtlety as well.

I do think if you intend to ignore us you should just go balls out and drive up there to try and fix things, but I also think that is a terrible idea (although I'm sure you will ignore that part ). If you were going to mend things it is pretty much the only way though (considering you two have plenty of space so that isn't the problem ).


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## MJS (Feb 24, 2013)

Korngod said:


> I truly think she wants me back but is confused.








I would agree that _someone_ is very confused. 

Why don't you just propose to her? That's clearly what she's looking for judging by the way she dumped you and keeps lying to you. Not to mention, she was practically begging you to put a ring on her finger when she said she wasn't sure if you were worth the effort. 

But if you do marry her, stay strong and lay down some ground rules... like that her current boyfriend can't live with you guys. 

This is getting hilarious... you have to be trolling us. Well played!


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## Semichastny (Feb 24, 2013)

Wings of Obsidian said:


> Have we even established his age yet? If this is going where I think it is, I am figuring he is between 14-19.... -.-'
> 
> Read my story above.



I wasn't trying to imply he was mentally ill, just that he will not accept 6 pages of advice and continually tries to skirt around the facts to justify his emotions. That is how I was when I was 14-16, and if he is to thickheaded to heed our advice then he will just have to learn the hardway. I am not hating, I want the best for him. Relationships and break-ups can be rough and I'm dissapoined he isn't wising up.


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## Wings of Obsidian (Feb 24, 2013)

flint757 said:


> I do think if you intend to ignore us you should just go balls out and drive up there to try and fix things, but I also think that is a terrible idea (although I'm sure you will ignore that part ). If you were going to mend things it is pretty much the only way though (considering you two have plenty of space so that isn't the problem ).



I think we should let him. Let him drive up there. Grow some balls and do it. I did. And you know what?...it was my closure and got me over it. (Read my story.)


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## Murdstone (Feb 24, 2013)

Honestly man from reading all the things you've said in this thread, surprising her sounds like the worst possible idea. 

Or maybe the best, if you haul your ass out to go see her and she's sucking the face off her new boy toy. 

I've been in this situation before, like many others in this thread. Move along.


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## texshred777 (Feb 24, 2013)

Murdstone said:


> Honestly man from reading all the things you've said in this thread, surprising her sounds like the worst possible idea.
> 
> Or maybe the best, if you haul your ass out to go see her and she's sucking the *balls* off her new boy toy.
> 
> I've been in this situation before, like many others in this thread. Move along.


 
fixed.


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## texshred777 (Feb 24, 2013)

Edit:
No, I'm not going there.


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## Idontpersonally (Feb 24, 2013)

Hopefully under 19. Ill admit the last time i did this was around 19. Same scenario only 2-3 yrs and 15 mins away _then_ 4 hours, then she "cheated" er got pregnant, blamed it on the alcohol, then back to 15 mins away. "My gf" "still loved me" but still wanted a break when I got back because she was still a little shaken up over the abortion, she was going through a lot after that..


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## Korngod (Feb 24, 2013)

I'm 23 fyi. Yes I'm being hard headed. And yes this is hard. I have a major problem of letting go when I see opportunity to fix things. I have my mind made up to go see her after a week of hardly any contact.


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## Semichastny (Feb 24, 2013)

Korngod said:


> I'm 23 fyi. Yes I'm being hard headed. And yes this is hard. I have a major problem of letting go when I see opportunity to fix things. I have my mind made up to go see her after a week of hardly any contact.



One way or another I hope this works out for you, these can be painful experiences and I know what this is like. Good luck, please let us know how is goes.


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## Idontpersonally (Feb 24, 2013)

Neither one of you can fix her mother, but good luck.


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## MJS (Feb 24, 2013)

MJS said:


> ... If constantly lying to you and dumping you doesn't count as a sign, I guess you must be holding out for a *restraining order* or an invitation to her wedding with your replacement.





Korngod said:


> I have my mind made up to go see her after a week of hardly any contact.



Called it!


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## Blitzie (Feb 24, 2013)

You'll figure it out eventually, like we all did. But I hope you don't get too hurt in the process.

Also, don't expect her to be excited and all over you when you "surprise" her...she will probably be absolutely mortified.


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## flint757 (Feb 24, 2013)

Korngod said:


> I'm 23 fyi. Yes I'm being hard headed. And yes this is hard. I have a major problem of letting go when I see opportunity to fix things. I have my mind made up to go see her after a week of hardly any contact.





Semichastny said:


> One way or another I hope this works out for you, these can be painful experiences and I know what this is like. Good luck, please let us know how is goes.





Well hopefully it works out for you either way. Things could go back to normal or you'll learn from the relationship and grow.



Idontpersonally said:


> Neither one of you can fix her mother, but good luck.



I don't understand.  I know the mother has a problem, but I feel like I'm missing the joke here...


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## Wings of Obsidian (Feb 24, 2013)

MJS said:


> Called it!



Props.


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## Wings of Obsidian (Feb 24, 2013)

Korngod said:


> I'm 23 fyi. Yes I'm being hard headed. And yes this is hard. I have a major problem of letting go when I see opportunity to fix things. I have my mind made up to go see her after a week of hardly any contact.



There is no way to fix it because nothing or wrong nor broken.

Also, CLEARLY YOU DID NOT READ MY POST ON THE LAST PAGE.

I visited my ex, and that was the day when I realized, right there in front of her, far away from home, that it was over.

Since that is what happened in my situation and got me over it (that little visit) I AM WILLING TO BET EVERY SINGLE ACTIVE PARTICIPANT IN THIS THREAD $20 that after this visit, Korngod here is going to come back sad and mopey, but then he will be perfectly alright and happy. (Same shit that happened to me.)


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## engage757 (Feb 25, 2013)

Korngod said:


> I truly think she wants me back but is confused. Perhaps I reminded her of an ex's behavior? I'm not denying that she has trouble telling me straight but we both had a problem and now that its acknowledged I firmly believe time could heal it and we can both fix our issues.



Move on homie.


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## Mendez (Feb 25, 2013)

Ah, this topic is familiar 

Hell, I got the "I'm too busy with school and family" excuse. Then she has the audacity to ask if we can still be friends...when I stupidly said yes (I didn't really care tbh) she starts texting me like if our relationship never happened!

So! I said "fuck it", cut all ties, blocked her 100% from my phone (calls and texts) and then i proceeded to not give a fuck and move on. Been single for months now, meeting women here and there, and completely happy with my decision. No regrets.

Move on bro.


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## glassmoon0fo (Feb 25, 2013)

Move on broham.


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## no_dice (Feb 25, 2013)

If you're dead-set on seeing her, then nothing anyone says is going to stop you. However, if it isn't the magical reunion you're hoping for, then *YOU HAVE TO LET IT GO*. It will be much easier to move on if you don't see or hear anything about her. Trust everyone here when they say that, because we know from experience. It's for your own good, man.

Even when people claim that they are looking at things from a rational and objective perspective, almost nobody does when their mind is clouded by emotions. Even the best advice we can give will be treated with the same regard as a suggestion like, "chop off your dick and mail it to her."


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## Double A (Feb 25, 2013)

Like everyone else has been saying, you have to learn from your mistakes and let it fucking go.


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## Idontpersonally (Feb 25, 2013)

flint757 said:


> I don't understand.  I know the mother has a problem, but I feel like I'm missing the joke here...



Well it wasn't really a joke but i guess it can be funny depending on how you look at it. Girls generally tend to turn out like their mothers weather healthy or damaged, addicted to drama, drugs, men or whatever the daughter will be the same way. They need and thrive off attention, enablers and absolutely "love" white knighters.
Op has a very sever case of white knight syndrome and if he really wants to believe her mothers issues as an excuse I'm saying even she can't fix her mother bc her mothers grown and he cant fix her or "things" because she is her mother who doesn't want to be fixed. This is their normal, they are one.


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## engage757 (Feb 25, 2013)

Korngod said:


> I'm 23 fyi. Yes I'm being hard headed. And yes this is hard. I have a major problem of letting go when I see opportunity to fix things. I have my mind made up to go see her after a week of hardly any contact.



Dude. I need you to listen to me. 

You BARELY had a relationship with this girl. That comes from someone who was in a relationship for 4 1/2 years, two states, three houses, 1 cat, 1 dog, 1 bank account, 1 ring. You NEED to calm down. You are overthinking this and becoming more confused. What this woman is saying is that she doesn't want to be with you. End of story. It is normal to try to make sense of it in your head, heck, I did when my lady and I broke up (mutual split though). You will get to the point where you realize this isn't anything. You barely even saw the woman. Barely had a legit relationship. She doesn't want you, her loss! She really can't be any clearer. 

Want to find out for real? DO NOT GO THERE! Know what she will say after a month of no communication or not seeing you? She will think it justifies her point. At least she will say that to you, but the truth of the matter is, a woman will tear down the fucking Eiffel Tower if she wants to be with you. One of the girls I am seeing now straight up wants me. SO badly, she can barely function, but she makes it apparent every day. She guards my heart, as well as I do hers'. I am not lying to her, I care about her but I don't tell her. She knows I run around a lot and don't want to be tied down at this point. She let's me know what she wants though. This ex of yours' is trying to get out of something she doesn't want to be in before it becomes a *big deal*.

Don't go to her. Save your dignity. Move on. Going to her is one of the worse things you could do. This relationship is over. Move on. save yourself the bullshit and heartache. Remind yourself how many fish are in the sea. Go bang a random piece of ass, you will forget about her quickly. You just have to let yourself.

Biggest thing though? Your WIFE and your Family women goes on a pedestal, no woman before that point. You don't know this girl well enough to have her on a pedestal.

You have to move on bro, I know it's hard, but between everyone here you are asking, we have been through enough women to tell you...

She ain't worth the bullshit.


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## Overtone (Feb 25, 2013)

There's seven pages telling you this already, but consider it from this point of view... most young women are too timid to directly turn a guy down. They will go out of their way to always say anything BUT that they don't want you. They'll always chalk it up to "I don't want to hurt him" but the guy is hurt just the same, only confused now. The truth is that they don't want the negativity of having shot someone down. They do that stuff to their own girlfriends too. Of course there are many exceptions who will flat out tell you to fuck off  but not this time.


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## ArtDecade (Feb 25, 2013)

Korngod said:


> I have my mind made up to go see her after a week of hardly any contact.



Volumes could be written about how terrible of an idea this is... but you will have to learn this lesson on your own, because no one is going to make you think otherwise.


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## flexkill (Feb 25, 2013)

ArtDecade said:


> Volumes could be written about how this is a terrible idea... but you will have to learn this lesson on your own, because no one is going to make you think otherwise.


Some lessons in life can only be taught by trial and error.

The reason so many have an opinion on this is because they have been through it themselves.


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## Double A (Feb 25, 2013)

flexkill said:


> Some lessons in life can only be taught by trial and error.
> 
> The reason so many have an opinion on this is because they have been through it themselves.


Pretty much every guy on the planet has been through a "break" so if the OP wants to think his situation is totally unique and disregard 7 pages of dudes that have been through the same thing then that is on him but he is going to regret the shit out of it later.


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## kerska (Feb 25, 2013)

Double A said:


> Pretty much every guy on the planet has been through a "break" so if the OP wants to think his situation is totally unique in disregard 7 pages of dudes that have been through the same thing then that is on him but he is going to regret the shit out of it later.


 
Yeah dude, we've all been there.

I mean if you really like this girl and care for her...then tell her that, but also tell her that maybe you guys should see other people. Anytime I've dated a girl and shit was hitting the fan in their life, they'd be calling me and using me for support, not telling me I shouldn't see them because their life is busy. Something doesn't add up. 

Soooo...keep your options open. Tell her that maybe sometime in the future you guys can try again, but that maybe you guys should just see other people. It's better to end things on a good note and civil then to find out some crazy shit afterwards and have things turn ugly. 

I know all of us are probably telling you stuff you don't want to hear, but sometimes you have to just man up and face the fact that this could be a really bad situation.


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## MJS (Feb 25, 2013)

As entertaining and Jerry-Springer-worthy the idea of going to see her is, I hope you know that if you show up there unannounced and uninvited, she'll see it as you going from desperate clingy guy to creepy stalker guy.

The only thing you're going to accomplish is convincing her that dumping you was a smart move... and maybe get your ass kicked by her new boyfriend if he's there. 

If you broke up with a girl, wouldn't you think she was extremely pathetic and emotionally unstable if she somehow twisted it around in her head to mean she was welcome to come visit you a week later?


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## tacotiklah (Feb 25, 2013)

Korngod said:


> I'm 23 fyi. Yes I'm being hard headed. And yes this is hard. I have a major problem of letting go when I see opportunity to fix things. I have my mind made up to go see her after a week of hardly any contact.



You've been dumped (the phrase "we're on a break" is a bullshit euphemism because she lacks the intestinal fortitude to just outright say that it's over) and you still wanna go see her and bug her about your former relationship? I may have to give you some tough love dude and tell you flat it that it reeks of this:







You need to feel the hurt of this breakup. You're deferring that pain by making excuses for her. You'll never find the real reason she broke up with you because of the fact that she'll never tell you the real truth. What you are hearing is what she thinks you wanna hear because she wants you to leave her alone and just be okay with the breakup. This makes her an even shittier person. Women are capable of being shitty people and doing shitty things to people. (keep in mind a girl is typing this to you.  )
Stop putting her on a pedestal as if she could do no wrong and that 'stupid, clumsy bumbling you' was the root of it all. Remember that relationships are equal partnerships. Where was she and what was she doing when she was so lonely and missed you? Was she footing any of the gas money or trying desperately to find a ride out to come see you? I highly suspect not. My wager would be on the fact that she was making you do all of the work. My guess would also be that you are one of the nice guys out there that doesn't know any better and would happily throw yourself off a cliff if she asked you to. If I were any kind of decent human being, I'd see it as an act of kindness to try and break you of this kind of thinking. This kind of thinking gets you "friendzoned" and when you do find a girl, you'll either be stuck in a shitty relationship or dumped quickly. It has nothing to do with your character, but everything to do with how you approach and interact with women.


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## Tyler (Feb 25, 2013)

for real man. I went through crap like this 3 years ago and didn't let go for a while, but later on had to learn it would be best. You cant lie to yourself and make excuses for her, just *let go. *Theres so many other people out there and if you limit yourself, you'll never be happy.


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## Xaios (Feb 25, 2013)

Denko has been invoked. God help us...

*(´&#65381;&#969;&#65381;`)*


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## VBCheeseGrater (Feb 25, 2013)

What was that southpark episode where Stan is freaking out over the chick jerking him around. Finally at the end of the show he flips her the bird and says eff off woman or whatever, and gets on with his life.

Wise cartoon indeed.

I know it's not easy to "Just move on." You might wanna do whatever it is you need to do to get yourself some closure, so you can move on easier (or maybe triumphantly rope her back in). Being in a state of limbo sucks. Love gone wrong is complicated to the one dealing with it, simple to outsiders looking in. Good luck, and rememebr 99% of guys go through this sort of thing at one point. the other 1% probably never had the balls to love.


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## tacotiklah (Feb 25, 2013)

Yeah maybe invoking Denko was a little extreme, but still needed to try and slap him awake to reality. It's like he literally refuses to believe it's over. The part that worries me is that he'll just see me as attacking him when in truth what I'm doing is more akin to someone dumping cold water on a sleeping person that refuses to wake up.


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## engage757 (Feb 25, 2013)

Remember:


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## MFB (Feb 25, 2013)

Xaios said:


> Denko has been invoked. God help us...
> 
> *(´&#65381;&#969;&#65381;`)*





























































































































































































































































































...Denko


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## Wings of Obsidian (Feb 25, 2013)

Idontpersonally said:


> Well it wasn't really a joke but i guess it can be funny depending on how you look at it. Girls generally tend to turn out like their mothers weather healthy or damaged, addicted to drama, drugs, men or whatever the daughter will be the same way. They need and thrive off attention, enablers and absolutely "love" white knighters.
> Op has a very sever case of white knight syndrome and if he really wants to believe her mothers issues as an excuse I'm saying even she can't fix her mother bc her mothers grown and he cant fix her or "things" because she is her mother who doesn't want to be fixed. This is their normal, they are one.



This. This. This. ^^^

This is exactly what happened with me and my ex. I told you this on the last page.


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## ASoC (Feb 25, 2013)

MJS said:


> Girls say that because it sounds so much nicer than "I'm dumping you for the guy I cheated on you with."





redstone said:


> The cold hard truth.



Bingo. Been there, dealt with that. It happened to me after a relationship that was longer than yours, and I decided to be cool for about a week. After that week I saw her all up on some other dude at school. I called her on it, and she still tried to lie to my face even though I had already seen the truth. At that moment (in the middle of a class) I exploded with a fiery rage that no one had ever seen before (I have a bit of a temper, but I usually just get quiet when I'm mad. That was the only time I've ever exploded in my life and I have to say, I have NEVER been that angry). I unleashed my fury upon her and completely shut off my filter. I ended up calling her out on everything she ever did that had annoyed me and using every obscenity in the book. Everything inside of me died and any hurt feelings I had were incinerated by my anger until I could only feel hatred. I stayed angry for the rest of that week, but I was satisfied with the fact that I had the last word and that I had completely broken her. At that time, it felt good to hurt her and to be angry (like I said I'm normally very calm and even when I get upset I keep my cool). Fast forward a bit and I'm getting all kinds of action and enjoying myself greatly, always too busy with other women to even consider missing my ex

Here's the deal, "lets take a break" means: "we're done"

I've heard the infamous "break" suggestion so many times its ridiculous. Trust me, its pretty much guaranteed to be over. Everything else shes telling you is also nothing new. Move on, it'll hurt a lot less if you get over it on your own terms (kinda like I did - Note: I'm not saying that you should make her feel like a horrible person) than if you just let her string you along. 

Here's what you need to do:
1)Find a girl who you think is attractive and you know has a bit of a dirty streak
2)Fuck her brains out
3)Continue to do so until all feelings for your ex have been purged. Have sex with multiple people if you need to
4)Don't get attached, that would defeat the purpose, sex means nothing
5)Once you have had enough, resume dating. Date people only to get to know them better 
6)If it doesn't click, move on
7)Once it does click, stop being beta. Be an individual

Sounds like you're treating relationships the wrong way. Refer below, this dude is right


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## Idontpersonally (Feb 25, 2013)

ASoC said:


> Here's what you need to do:
> 1)Find a girl who you think is attractive and you know has a bit of a dirty streak
> 2)Fuck her brains out
> 3)Continue to do so until all feelings for your ex have been purged. Have sex with multiple people if you need to
> ...



8. Keep it pimpin pimpn'


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## ArtDecade (Feb 26, 2013)

ASoC said:


> 4)Don't get attached, that would defeat the purpose, sex means nothing



Yes it does. Its one of the most personal things that you can do. He doesn't need sex. He needs to move on from this broken relationship...

I am shocked by how many people are telling this guy to get laid and forget about it. If sex wasn't a powerful thing, then why would you use it to heal? Bad advice.


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## BIG ND SWEATY (Feb 26, 2013)

^ so much this, it actually means alot to some people


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## engage757 (Feb 26, 2013)

ArtDecade said:


> Yes it does. Its one of the most personal things that you can do. He doesn't need sex. He needs to move on from this broken relationship...
> 
> I am shocked by how many people are telling this guy to get laid and forget about it. If sex wasn't a powerful thing, then why would you use it to heal? Bad advice.



I agree with this. To a degree.

Take it from someone who has been an absolute filthy misogynistic whore for the good chunk of his life (and that is certainly NOT something to brag about, it kills me), Sex is absolutely nothing most of the time. When two people have a connection, that insane chemistry, yes, it is an incredibly powerful thing. Most of the time however, chasing a girl around a bedroom is more of an animalistic workout then anything.

Just remember, every time you fuck someone, you give them a little piece of you, then there is that time when your drunken buddy at a bar spills that you have slept with half of it in front of the woman you do care about. Not a good feeling. Sex is something that should be respected and not frivolously thrown about.

Now that the new me had it's rant, the old one says I think he may not have slept with a bunch of girls, and that lack of experience with women (again, not a bad thing) may one factor be why he fell for a girl after 5 online months. That and that little "absence make the heart grow fonder" thing.  So yeah, in that respect, I would say it would be pretty helpful for the OP to at least experience more women in someway, and a little fucking may start to help him forget that she isn't the ONLY woman in the world.


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## leechmasterargentina (Feb 26, 2013)

ArtDecade said:


> Yes it does. Its one of the most personal things that you can do. He doesn't need sex. He needs to move on from this broken relationship...
> 
> I am shocked by how many people are telling this guy to get laid and forget about it. If sex wasn't a powerful thing, then why would you use it to heal? Bad advice.



Heheh, I know it's a shallow advice, but sex does help. It's horrible to feel the way he's feeling, and as I said in my previous message like 2 pages ago, lack of experience does make things like this harder.

When someone feels like he's feeling, self-esteem goes down, so even thinking of being with another girl is not appealing. One of the things life taught me is that when things like this happen, having sex with other women is perfectly good. Self-esteem go up, you spend less time thinking on your ex, you enjoy life, to sum up, you start getting out of that shit.

Besides, we're all musicians here, some of us have a band, and that's a magnet for women. If he's in that situation, I'd advice him to take every chance he gets to be with another woman. Long term, he'll feel better.

I'm not saying this as I was a womanizer or whatever. Being with girls in bed is one thing and hasn't kept me from falling in love again.

Again, "time off" means "I don't wanna be with you.". Let her be, wish her the best, move on, and enjoy life! (Having sex included)


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## Captain Butterscotch (Feb 26, 2013)

In the near future, I foresee a new thread popping up in the OT forum.

"so my girlfriend wants a restraining order"


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## engage757 (Feb 26, 2013)

Captain Butterscotch said:


> In the near future, I foresee a new thread popping up in the OT forum.
> 
> "so my *EX*-girlfriend wants a restraining order"



Fixed 

Let's stop using the word Girlfriend, since he just got dumped and we don't want him to have a false sense of hope.


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## flo (Feb 26, 2013)

I can't remember this forum to agree this much on any topic ever before for eight pages 

I know we all want to preserve a fellow member from pain, when we see him running into a knife. 

A lesson you have to learn when it comes to relationships is self-respect. If you're ready to do anything for your partner, she'll notice. Either she'll play with you and you're fucked, or she will leave you and you're fucked.

I've got the best girlfriend I can imagine. It's an equal relationship. I would help her if she needed me, but wouldn't make myself an idiot for her. If you can say the sentence "listen, I'm tired today, if you want to see me tonight you'll have to come to me. If not, see you tomorrow", then you're doing it right.


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## tacotiklah (Feb 26, 2013)

flo said:


> I can't remember this forum to agree this much on any topic ever before for eight pages
> 
> I know we all want to preserve a fellow member from pain, when we see him running into a knife.
> 
> ...



THIS! SO MUCH THIS!
Don't be a doormat for people.


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## Idontpersonally (Feb 26, 2013)

Remember this is an Ldr case. Sex shouldn't mean much if anything in _this_ kind of case. Who knows what that means to op and his 'gf' at this point but from my experiences you learn that you cant put a leash on someone four hours away for one. For two Ldrs do not work because sex and love/trust always come up as conflicting issues for both people unless it's established that sex is nothing as long as the two will eventually live closer to each other and plan on moving forward, not taking more breaks.

"sex means nothing" can have multiple meanings. One being that you love the person enough to let them get laid if you're unavailable for some reason like military etc. or like some have suggested your heart is just ripped up, you have been faithful by not getting laid and got cheated on. Then you pretty much just want to make up for the time wasted. Same goes for women.


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## penguin_316 (Feb 26, 2013)

You lost me at 4 hour long distance relationship. 

Seriously, people always try to do the long distance thing thinking somehow it will work for them. You can't have a long distance relationship for many reasons, especially at the start of a relationship.

There is no attachment, and the mind wanders. If your significant other moves and you want to be with them...guess what, it's time for you to move with them.

Just let this one go, there will be another. There is always another, humans are very adaptable in that way.


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## engage757 (Feb 26, 2013)

Idontpersonally said:


> "sex means nothing" can have multiple meanings. One being that you love the person enough to let them get laid if you're unavailable for some reason like military etc. or like some have suggested your heart is just ripped up, you have been faithful by not getting laid and got cheated on. Then you pretty much just want to make up for the time wasted. Same goes for women.



Even thought slightly off-topic, I have to say I agree. Most people that say "sex is nothing" wouldn't be happy if their girlfriend fucked another dude.


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## Idontpersonally (Feb 26, 2013)

I think men and women both need to get over sex being such a huge deal when they're single anyway. It was more of a big deal to me when I was younger. This is a good example of the 'sex means nothing' issue case anyone or op doesn't understand what that actually means. When the two are committed and monogamous that's one thing but ldr's that start as ldr's usually dont go anywhere. Unless like i was saying love is separated from sex and you plan on eventually actually being together.


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## Idontpersonally (Feb 26, 2013)

engage757 said:


> Even thought slightly off-topic, I have to say I agree. Most people that say "sex is nothing" wouldn't be happy if their girlfriend fucked another dude.



Yea only slightly, but I know where this dude is coming from, ive had a 4 hour ldr and plenty others. It was something i had to deal with and if these two really 'loved' each other the issue would have to come up at some point. Something tells me he hasn't gotten that far though, unless i missed something. The thought of another guy in your alleged ldr girl would make any guy feel nauseous i would think, its definitely not for everybody. After the first ldr the others were pretty much smooth sailing because we were upfront about meaningless sex from the beginning. The first was hell though. Like i said ime ldrs and relationships that ended bc of cheating are the only exceptions for that kind of thing.


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## leechmasterargentina (Feb 26, 2013)

Idontpersonally said:


> One being that you love the person enough to let them get laid if you're unavailable for some reason like military etc. or like some have suggested your heart is just ripped up, you have been faithful by not getting laid and got cheated on. Then you pretty much just want to make up for the time wasted. Same goes for women.



LOL, I don't think the guy is going to feel good reading this. A relationship to me means honesty. If you both agree to sleep with whoever you want, that can work as long as you both agree and be honest about it (Liberal relationship, swingers, etc). But if your girl cheats on you, it's most likely she'll lie in any other area aswell. People like that are not trustworthy, so even if you spend a whole life with them, they will always lie and deceive.

Military...lol, so it means if you're in the military, anyone can sleep with your gf? I think of this relationships to be a decision in life. If I value my girl and she values me, I wouldn't go anywhere where a situation like that could happen. I think it all resumes that if she sleeps with another guy, it means her love for you has gone and she's looking someone else to be with.



> but i actually had a friend that said his girl would sleep around but not allow them certain positions bc she didnt want him to think she was 'easy'



LOL, that's hilarious. If she was slutty enough to sleep with another guy, that guy had her in every possible position. Women can lie too, you know?



> Yea only slightly, but I know where this dude is coming from, ive had a 4 hour ldr and plenty others. It was something i had to deal with and if these two really 'loved' each other the issue would have to come up at some point. It's easy to talk about it now cause im not in the situation, but my ex cheated during an ldr, got pregnant and when i got back for some reason i still wanted to be with her as angry as i was. The thought of another guy in your alleged ldr girl would make any guy feel nauseous i would think, its definitely not for everybody. Then I've had another ldr since then and it was pretty much smooth sailing because we were upfront about meaningless sex from the beginning.



Man...the guy made her a child a you still stayed with her? I know the feeling of anger, pain, deception, all in the moment. But c'mon....

I had a situation like that when I finished that 6 year old relationship. Found out she was with someone else. First reactions are anger, pain. Then, you feel like recover her, fight for her love in a sense, but I remember what a friend told me: "You either can go to her house, tell her you love her, to ditch the guy, or you can just leave it be.". Easy choice for me. If everything ends like that, someone sleeping with another person, lying to each other, it means the relationship is done; no point fighting for it. That'll just extend the pain. Left her to be and I haven't regreted that ever since. Even better, my life is way better, and so is my actual gf


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## Xaios (Feb 26, 2013)

Just to be the guy who goes against the grain, long-distance relationships can work. The odds are against you, but if you're both the right kind of people, it can happen. A good friend of mine was in a long-distance relationship where he didn't see his girlfriend for almost an entire year, she lived on the other side of Canada. They're now happily married with a child on the way.

Based on what the OP has already stated in this thread though, I don't see it happening in this case. Best to cut ties now and avoid a lot of pain later.


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## Idontpersonally (Feb 26, 2013)

@ Leech yea i deleted the detail of my experience just as to not derail the convo much cause i know he hasn't gone through all that yet. Everyone is telling him we've been there too. Sounds like she wants a break from him bc they're not spending enough time together which makes no sensebut usually means those feelings are gone. like i said though in that first ldr i was in yea even though she got preg i was just like this dude still in denial. Thats why i was hoping he was younger than 18.
The military example is a little different though where i was implying a marriage/family situation of some sort where yea it sucks to be in that situation but it does happen and you cant honestly believe your wife is sitting at home not get any while you're never home.

The only thing that snapped me out of this was one ldrgf that told me i was "stuck in the 50s" for thinking i could be away and she has to pass up sex to wait on me when basically she said i could do what I wanted. To me that was what i needed to hear. I don't even believe the word whore will be relevant in the near future. Just one example i threw out It's all how serious the two people are about each other. Never got a straight answer from guys when i asked 
it was always about 50 50 yes no and it depends on how much you trust ur girl. Like i said the first time was basically a waste of time, the rest have been alright bc everything was upfront.


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## Idontpersonally (Feb 26, 2013)

Watch My Long Distance Relationship | Who The F%*K Is Cody? online | Free | Hulu


Beta God


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## engage757 (Feb 26, 2013)

We lost the OP. He must be on his way to stal---errr see her.


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## flexkill (Feb 26, 2013)

engage757 said:


> We lost the OP. He must be on his way to stal---errr see her.


Honestly this thread has become less about helping him and more of us telling our war stories with relationships  

He was never going to listen anyway, his mind was made up and IMHO he was looking for someone to reinforce those beliefs and feelings for more security in his little predicament....As Ricki Lake used to say...Da'Nile aint just a river in Egypt.


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## ASoC (Feb 26, 2013)

ArtDecade said:


> Yes it does. Its one of the most personal things that you can do. He doesn't need sex. He needs to move on from this broken relationship...



In the context I put it into, sex is meaningless. There's a difference between sex and "making love." The latter implies that you're sharing a personal experience with someone you have feelings for. However, the former just means you engaged in the physical act of coitus. In this case, I'm just talking about an act to satisfy your biological desires and help you stop thinking about stuff that's bringing you down. Its very normal to have sex with people you have no intention of committing to (or any real feelings for, other than some sexual attraction). Guys and girls both do it (though girls are better about keeping it quiet) and I'd call it healthy behavior.


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## ThatCanadianGuy (Feb 26, 2013)

ASoC said:


> In the context I put it into, sex is meaningless. There's a difference between sex and "making love." The latter implies that you're sharing a personal experience with someone you have feelings for. However, the former just means you engaged in the physical act of coitus. In this case, I'm just talking about an act to satisfy your biological desires and help you stop thinking about stuff that's bringing you down. Its very normal to have sex with people you have no intention of committing to (or any real feelings for, other than some sexual attraction). Guys and girls both do it (though girls are better about keeping it quiet) and *I'd call it healthy behavior.*



Even in the context of a relationship? That's not the best way to go about it, methinks.


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## Wings of Obsidian (Feb 26, 2013)

/thread
/thread
/thread

New title: our shitty war stories that every man has shared or undergone in a relationship thread.


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## Yo_Wattup (Feb 26, 2013)

I like how this thread got to 9 pages but none of my/many peoples crit my mix thread ever gets more than 10 posts. GG, SSO, GG.


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## piggins411 (Feb 26, 2013)

I'm still just confused as to how this didn't end up in the relationship thread from the beginning


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## ASoC (Feb 27, 2013)

ThatCanadianGuy said:


> Even in the context of a relationship? That's not the best way to go about it, methinks.



The whole point of that post was that its outside the context of a relationship. Obviously if you're in a relationship (under most circumstances) you'd be committed to that person and wouldn't be having sex with other people


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## Korngod (Feb 28, 2013)

If I said "you were all right" would that make you all feel better? I appreciate the advice but now, I've officially fucked things over between us because Im an emotional cunt that cant get past this stuff easily. In the end, life is supposed to be about finding happiness through out it but that just isnt happening for me. I finally achieve it once and its taken from me. Sorry to sound like such a downer guys but I give up on life. Give up as in, i dont want to be here anymore


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## BIG ND SWEATY (Feb 28, 2013)

live and learn bud.


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## MJS (Feb 28, 2013)

Korngod said:


> If I said "you were all right" would that make you all feel better? I appreciate the advice but now, I've officially fucked things over between us because Im an emotional cunt that cant get past this stuff easily. In the end, life is supposed to be about finding happiness through out it but that just isnt happening for me. I finally achieve it once and its taken from me. Sorry to sound like such a downer guys but I give up on life.



Or you could just learn from it... because if getting overly attached to someone that never cared at all about you is what you call achieving happiness, it's time to head back to the drawing board and start working on a Plan B. 

You're too young to have any idea of how frustrating life can get and if this is the worse you've seen, consider yourself lucky because you've had an easy life. You'll grow out of this to realize she was never worth the stress because it wasn't even a real relationship (or a real problem). If anything, you'll eventually feel stupid for ever liking her in the first place. 

Think about it. Every single stranger in this thread knew her better than you did. You didn't have anything with her in the first place, so you didn't actually lose anything here. 

Here's a good way to check to see if you've learned anything: 

The people that said it was over were right. You did the opposite of everything you read here and it backfired. The same people said to move on and not dwell on it. _Which are you going to do?_ 

If you think being depressed over such a minor inconvenience is the way to go, knock yourself out--but you might want to start working on your "you guys were right again" speech now, so you can just copy & paste it here when you realize moving on was the correct choice. 


Also, none of this means that the majority is always right, since they often aren't. But when everyone but you clearly sees something, it _is_ a pretty good sign that you might want to just take a step back and make sure you're not missing something.


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## VBCheeseGrater (Feb 28, 2013)

Ups and downs man, we all go through 'em. Keep your chin up, move forward, and good things will come in the future.

Don't let another person get the BEST of you. You are still you, with or without her


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## engage757 (Feb 28, 2013)

Korngod said:


> If I said "you were all right" would that make you all feel better? I appreciate the advice but now, I've officially fucked things over between us because Im an emotional cunt that cant get past this stuff easily. In the end, life is supposed to be about finding happiness through out it but that just isnt happening for me. I finally achieve it once and its taken from me. Sorry to sound like such a downer guys but I give up on life. Give up as in, i dont want to be here anymore



Basing your happiness on another person is the WORST thing you could do. You have to make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy. You also can't rely on another person to make you happy, because that isn't fair to them.

But here we go, I am gonna be harsh. You might hate this, but I am gonna put this right between your eyes.

*WHAT IN THE EVERLIVING FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?*

Give up on life? Don't want to be here anymore? Dude you need a Goddamn reality check. You were with this girl for 5 months long distance. How many time did you see her? TELL me you are just fucking around, because if you aren't you need serious help.

I have a friend that I walked into his room and found his head blown off. Don't even TRY. He was a smack addict, whose mother and father died a month apart from each other, found out he had Cancer and his fiancee overdosed and her family wouldn't let him be at her funeral. In one month. Don't even for a second think that your life is any rougher than that over a five month phone/computer relationship. I can still smell that shit every fucking day of my life. So you can knock the lightly veiled suicide comments off right.fucking.now. Not to mention my guitarist is a cop and his Fiancee blew her head off with his service weapon. The utter HEARTACHE he has been through is awful. She left a kid, a family, and him. Selfishness. That is never an option. Cowboy up.

You need to do some SERIOUS work on yourself bro. I say that and all this as someone that doesn't want to see you continue to get down and do something fucking stupid. You have to get over this and realize that you are probably being overly dramatic and way too emotional. I'm not sugarcoating shit for you.


LEARN from this. Learn your strengths and your weaknesses. Your weaknesses appear that you are highly emotional. EMotions aren't bad, but you can't let them control you. You need to focus on you. Make your life the best it can be. Make YOU the best you can possibly be. Be happy and joyful in yourself. Be confident in your life and who you are as a person, because I guarantee you this, you are a pretty badass one.

When you get you right, then and only then will the right woman take notice. You will have the greatest relationship ever, and she will make you happy while you make her happy, but it will COMPLETE you, not define you. You can do it bro. We are all behind you. Workout, write music. Channel your emotions into something constructive. Change you for the better and move on, growing every step of the way. 

What's coming is badass.


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## flo (Feb 28, 2013)

I think it's completely normal to be sad/angry/frustrated/disappointed after any breakup. But trust me, you'll be all right again in a few days. It's just mathematically unlikely that only one girl fits you


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## engage757 (Feb 28, 2013)

flo said:


> I think it's completely normal to be sad/angry/frustrated/disappointed after any breakup. But trust me, you'll be all right again in a few days. It's just mathematically unlikely that only this one girl can make you happy



This too. 


But just remember bro. I must reiterate. "Giving up" is NEVER an option!!!


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## flo (Feb 28, 2013)

engage757 said:


> Basing your happiness on another person is the WORST thing you could do. You have to make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy. You also can't rely on another person to make you happy, because that isn't fair to them.
> 
> But here we go, I am gonna be harsh. You might hate this, but I am gonna put this right between your eyes.
> 
> ...



w...wow.


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## UnderTheSign (Feb 28, 2013)

A break hurts but hey man, it was only 5 months of your life... You'll find someone new. If not, you'll have to learn how to masturbate again and you'll be fine in a month or so.

That said, this might help.


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## Experimorph (Feb 28, 2013)

engage757 said:


> ...*WHAT IN THE EVERLIVING FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?*...



I decided I wouldn't take part in this thread anymore, but I just have to say this is something everyone should read.


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## Idontpersonally (Feb 28, 2013)

Experimorph said:


> I decided I wouldn't take part in this thread anymore, but I just have to say this is something everyone should read.



+1 idk why im saying this but here it goes...

Of course we were right. Is it just me or is everyone getting F'd over by their girls here l8ly..This is the second time i have to post this video...
I agree with every single thing engage says except finding the right girl. If he is like this at 23 no matter how much bro love we give him idk if people like that ever change. I was this same guy and i like women and all but im pretty numb at this point but not in a bad way. Meaning expectations are proportionate to you disappointments. So I try to stay neutral to both.



Korngod said:


> life is supposed to be about finding happiness through out it but that just isnt happening for me.


This here, what i mean is sometimes your life just sucks but you get certain moments that make it all worth it. You cant expect them to come from women bc women come and go like happiness. Happi -ness is based on happen -ings. True joy comes from within. En- joy your life. You don't have to smile, look angry pissed and depressed your whole life all you want, but dont be that way inside. Be happy inside, work on yourself from the inside out.

Even though this is easier said than done, dont be afraid to f up your next relationships. This is crucial to learn as quick as possible because if you dont get over this ldr bs your going to take this fail with you and will be so afraid of failing next time that you will just keep ruining good relationships by trying to do/say all the right things.. 
Go to the gym. Get a girl when you have your confidence back up and im not saying _try_ to f it up, but bust her balls a little and dont worship them. They're only goddesses if there's more than one on you at a time.


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## flint757 (Feb 28, 2013)

Korngod said:


> If I said "you were all right" would that make you all feel better? I appreciate the advice but now, I've officially fucked things over between us because Im an emotional cunt that cant get past this stuff easily. In the end, life is supposed to be about finding happiness through out it but that just isnt happening for me. I finally achieve it once and its taken from me. Sorry to sound like such a downer guys but I give up on life. Give up as in, i dont want to be here anymore



We've all had bad breakups and the first one is always the worst. Life is still worth it. I'm someone who doesn't realize he is in a bad relationship for like 6 months to a year sometimes. Trust me when I say that your life is probably better without her. If she wasn't satisfied with the relationship then you weren't getting a satisfactory relationship either, better is out there. It will still hurt, but giving up is never the answer and frankly, as you grow up, this is not even a speed bump in your life. You'll look back 10 years from now and probably not even remember this day.

We don't gain any satisfaction from being right. It was just a fact and we are trying to do right by you by being upfront and honest.


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## Oli (Feb 28, 2013)

Xaios said:


> Give her a break.


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## glassmoon0fo (Feb 28, 2013)

Just a few words to help you move forward that always helped me out when I was going through breakups.

You are NOT your failed relationships, your shortcomings, or your self doubts. You are the best possible version of yourself waiting to happen at all times. Get cracking on that shit man. Real happieness is making your life so good that girls want to come along for the ride. That's what you're missing. A good woman is meant to enhance the gift that is your existance, not define it in any way. 

Emotions are chemicals in the brain, and easily the most addictive drugs on the planet. Knowing this, you should move forward with the intention to curb your addiction to love, sadness, and/or self pity. Wake up every morning and find your "center", figure out what your purpose is and rededicate yourself to it every morning to master your own emotion. Then, when you realize that "love" is a chemical reaction to someone you're into, you'll realize that you've loved many times, and so has she, and that you will love again, and so will she. Make it ok, because it has to be. Then go out and love again. Life's too short not to.

And finally, if you weigh the hurt you feel now against the lessons you could learn from this experience, I think you'll find that the lesson is a bargain, now and every mistake you make. Because that means that for as long as you live, you never have to make it again.

You're obviously hurting pretty bad right now, but it's not anything you wont get over. The sooner you stop feeling sorry for yourself, the better. Good luck brother!


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## Eric Christian (Feb 28, 2013)

UnderTheSign said:


> A break hurts but hey man, it was only 5 months of your life... You'll find someone new. If not, you'll have to learn how to masturbate again and you'll be fine in a month or so.



You mean you're actually supposed to stop masturbating when you have a wife/girlfriend?


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## texshred777 (Feb 28, 2013)

Eric Christian said:


> You mean you're actually supposed to stop masturbating when you have a wife/girlfriend?


 
Lies.


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## engage757 (Mar 1, 2013)

texshred777 said:


> Lies.



Yeah, My ex was a freak. I got it upwards of 5-6 times a day at times, at bare minimum, 2, and I never stopped. 

I am pretty sure that no matter what, a guy is gonna jack it.


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## getaway_fromme (Mar 1, 2013)

You guys are so funny...

Let the OP figure it the fuck out. He isn't going to listen to advice, he needs to figure this shit out on his own. That is life. 

OP, no matter what happens, life goes on. She may come back, she may not, who the fuck knows? Not you, and definitely no one sitting on this forum trying to help you.

The truth is that none of us are in your predicament and NO ONE here knows what the fuck she is doing. You are in love and so you give her the benefit of the doubt. Good. You WILL eventually get over it when you need to. you WILL eventually find someone cooler. You WILL find someone closer who wants to spend time with you. You can't see it now, but it's the truth. You don't have to get all misogynistic "all bitches are this way." That shit is retarded. Everyone is different from men to women. THERE ARE NO RULES. All is fair in love and war.

It sure doesn't feel like it, but you will get over it. You will mature and realize that someone will try to go out of their way for you. Just be patient and act like you own the world. Women need confidence and right now you have none, so you don't really deserve a girl. Be a fucking man and continue on with life. Find an outlet, focus your energy. Getting hung up on women is the dumbest shit ever, I say from experience. There will come a day, like most married men, when you say "GOD I CAN'T STAND WOMEN" and then someone younger than you will wonder why you say such means things to girls. Life's funny that way.

Don't worry man, this is part of growing up. You failed the first test, but that is HOW YOU LEARN! Life gets better man. I used to cut my arms over dumb shit like this. Now, all I can think about is playing guitar. 

You'll get over it.


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## wespaul (Mar 1, 2013)

She's grown apart from you. Whether she's found somebody else or not (she has) is inconsequential. When a woman gives you any reason for breaking up, you should be thankful that they're at least telling you, and not stringing you along.

It may be the worst feeling in the world for you, but you _will_ get over it. Time just does that. When I got divorced from my wife, I was in a bubble of depression that nobody was able to penetrate to try and help me. I just had to ride it out. It was really bad, and I didn't even love her anymore.

You'll deal with it. Whatever you do, though, at least retain your pride. Don't try and be friends with her. That just won't work out well --at all. Don't try and keep tabs, either --it will slow down your healing process. You guys hardly ever saw each other, and funny enough that's exactly what you need to move on and get over her. Just cut off the emails, texts, phone calls, and whatever else.

Find somebody close to you. Hit up plentyoffish. Long distance relationships are awful unless both of you are really into it (she wasn't).


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## goldsteinat0r (Mar 1, 2013)

glassmoon0fo said:


> Just a few words to help you move forward that always helped me out when I was going through breakups.
> 
> You are NOT your failed relationships, your shortcomings, or your self doubts. You are the best possible version of yourself waiting to happen at all times. Get cracking on that shit man. Real happieness is making your life so good that girls want to come along for the ride. That's what you're missing. A good woman is meant to enhance the gift that is your existance, not define it in any way.
> 
> ...


 
Ok, there is some heavy stuff here. Very tragic stuff (and I'm sorry to hear you've experienced such things), but the underlying point is excellent and very true.  I hate this expression normally but it applies: REAL. TALK. EVERYTHING this dude says I have found to be true so far in my life. 

*There are* *a lot worse things in life than breakups*, though I have to say I understand that at the time it sometimes doesn't seem like it. We've all been there.


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## tacotiklah (Mar 1, 2013)

OP the goal of people here (or at least in my case, as it's wrong for me to try to speak for other people) never was to be right. It was to save you from yourself. It IS annoying when a person becomes what the internet refers to as "an askhole"; a person that asks for advice and then never takes it. However, I give you somewhat of a pass because love makes us do really stupid, and in many ways, utterly insane things.

The only thing I'll really "tongue-lash" you for here is the give up on life shit. I'm an attempted molestation victim (by my father no less), I've been physically, verbally, mentally, emotionally, and sexually abused for 90% of my childhood, I've had cops tell me I made all that shit up just to "get back" at my father over dumb shit (which may explain my utter hatred for them. I'm still working on that character flaw), I didn't even have a significant other until college and she turned out to be a cheating, lying crazy nightmare, I lost a son when she miscarried, I've been homeless and living in and out of homeless shelters (you trying spending a year living where you don't know where your next meal is coming from), I've had to live with a meth addicted/peddling mom and sister for quite a while and have had my personal stuff raided many times by cops because of it, I've woken up to find one of my closest friends dead from a heart attack, I've lost my closest uncle AND my grandfather in less than a year of each other, I'm half-deaf with a form of hearing loss that is progressively getting worse, and now I have to deal with issues of gender dysphoria and all the other shit that comes with being transgender. Keep in mind that with that last bit, at least half the fucking country hates your guts just because of the fact that that's who you are, and half of the people that do support you still passively discriminate against you because they don't know any better due to a lack of research and education available to them on the subject. 

I survived ALL of that shit and I'm only 27. A girl that you barely knew dumping you for someone she can have steady physical contact with is not even close to being worthy of suicide, so you can stop with the giving up on life thoughts. I have attempted suicide no less than 4 times and that last time it took the paramedics to get me to breathe again because I had tried to hang myself. The emotional damage I did to my entire family is permanent and there is not a day that goes by that I wish I could take that back. :'(
I have gone through more shit in 27 years than some people twice my age have encountered in their entire lives. After that last attempt, I told myself it was no longer an option. No matter how fucking horrible things get, I will find the intestinal fortitude to keep going because if I give up, then every asshole that ever tried to put me down and ruin me will succeed. No, I will not only keep living, but I will live a successful life because fuck them and everyone else that told me I couldn't do it. 

Regarding the girl:
For once, listen to people that HAVE been through that long distance shit when they tell you it's doomed from the start. Why? Because a healthy relationship needs constant physical contact in order to blossom. There's value in time apart, but too much of that isn't healthy at all. 

This is life trying to teach you. You can collapse into a sobbing mess and try to "end it all", or you can learn from it. By learn from it, I don't mean degenerate into a misogynistic asshole; I mean to learn how to read red flags when entering and being a part of a relationship. As I said, make living and living well your personal revenge against that bitch. Remind her why her petty bullshit can't phase you because you are bigger and better than that by simply living, and living well, and doing it all without her. 

So, his is why I'm telling you all of this and putting all of my emotional baggage out for the world to see. I want you to see how important it is for you to not give up and to keep going. This all is not meant so much as attacking as it is me trying to wake you up to reality again and get you to stop living inside your head with all those negative feelings.


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