# Funniest true story ever



## SevenStringSam (Jan 10, 2010)

my friends brother lie to his parents about his smoking pot. so 
he dosent have a car anymore. and wont till hes 18. so he knows his bro has anal with his 
girlfriend everynight. the brothers not my friends. so he found the lube and replaced it with 
industrial quick dry super glue and just let nature take its course. they ended up having to go to the hospital. 

now i dont know what would be worse. 
the pain
telling the doctor the story
or walking into the hospital that way


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## jymellis (Jan 10, 2010)

hmmm ive never seen a bottle of superglue the size of a bottle of lube.


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## xiphoscesar (Jan 10, 2010)




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## SevenStringSam (Jan 10, 2010)

he didnt switch the bottles. switched the liquids


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## jymellis (Jan 10, 2010)

and with it being quick drying, when it hit the air between containers it didnt solidify in the new one?


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## DrakkarTyrannis (Jan 10, 2010)

I know coming from me this will sound funny and all..but you can't really confuse super glue with lube.

For one the color is a dead giveaway and two the consistency isn't the same. Being as though you have to apply the lube and whatnot, you'd notice right away that something isn't right as would she. They also smell different. Either this isn't true or those two are extremely stupid.


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## SevenStringSam (Jan 10, 2010)

quick drying isnt instant. it takes only about 2 min to dry when spread out vs normal which is like 3 or 4 min

im just going by his story and what his brother told me


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## DrakkarTyrannis (Jan 10, 2010)

I say you should call them on their bullshit..that story doesn't really seem likely.


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## SevenStringSam (Jan 10, 2010)

well. they called my from the hospital phone to tell me. and got the doctor to tell me cuz i wouldnt believe them unless they did haha


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## DrakkarTyrannis (Jan 10, 2010)

SevenStringSam said:


> well. they called my from the hospital phone to tell me. and got the doctor to tell me cuz i wouldnt believe them unless they did haha



The doctor had time to stop helping people to get on the phone to tell someone's friend (a kid by the way) about a patient's situation? I would think as a doctor that such a thing wouldn't be funny, and he certainly shouldn't broadcast the situations of his patients to non-related underage strangers on a telephone.


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## jymellis (Jan 10, 2010)

i believe the patient doctor confidentiality law would keep him from telling you that.


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## Rogueleader (Jan 10, 2010)

If you wanna do fabricated stories like these at least make them original...

Change it to like, "Once my brother gave himself an enema with bleach.". I've heard the superglue story 80 times already.


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## Arminius (Jan 10, 2010)

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> I know coming from me this will sound funny and all..but you can't really confuse super glue with lube.




I think I just found a new signature


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## DrakkarTyrannis (Jan 10, 2010)

As a gay man who works in a hardware store..I know both subjects rather well.

Lube can NOT be confused with super glue



Sig that


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## Arminius (Jan 10, 2010)

Well, my signature doesn't seem to be showing up. Maybe I should tell the admini......nevermind.



Edit: wait there is is


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## DrakkarTyrannis (Jan 10, 2010)




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## Ckackley (Jan 10, 2010)

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> As a gay man who works in a hardware store..I know both subjects rather well.
> 
> Lube can NOT be confused with super glue
> 
> ...



Is there a contest for quote of the month ? That's awesome !


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## Arminius (Jan 10, 2010)

DrakkarTyrannis said:


>




The official Drakkar stamp of disapproval 



Mr. OP :

Placing the word "true" in your thread title might point to the fact that you think there might be reason for disbelief of your story. I would advise that you post only with full confidence in your own stories, true or otherwise, and would furthermore only use the word "true" if it is spelled "tr00".

Your Truly 
Aysakh (pronounced isaac goddammit)


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## MaKo´s Tethan (Jan 10, 2010)

man, in that situation, I can confuse lube with a cat, common! you don`t smell the thing, and even if seems weird in your hands...you just want to f***! so you don`t realize.:2cent:

anyways...is not too funny...is a little horrible 



edit: did not happen to me, just saying...


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## Prydogga (Jan 10, 2010)

Wow, way to debunk and ruin a perfectly good thread, the story was funny, he just heard it, told it to us in chat and asked if he should put it in a thread...


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## Arminius (Jan 10, 2010)

Prydogga said:


> Wow, way to debunk and ruin a perfectly good thread, the story was funny, he just heard it, told it to us in chat and asked if he should put it in a thread...




I'm just here for the lube jokes and Drakkar  


By the way, how do you pronounce Drakkar? Is it DRAK (like Brak)- ARR or DRAKE- ARR? Maybe DROC- AIR? (kidding about that last one)


I actually think I'm gonna thank the guy, this thread has made my day.


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## Rick (Jan 10, 2010)

I call bullshit.


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## Justin Bailey (Jan 10, 2010)

I was 15 once, but I dont remember being this naive


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## DrakkarTyrannis (Jan 10, 2010)

MaKo´s Tethan;1810103 said:


> man, in that situation, I can confuse lube with a cat, common! you don`t smell the thing, and even if seems weird in your hands...you just want to f***! so you don`t realize.:2cent:


If you're stupid enough not to notice all the blatant signs..then it should damage your penis beyond repair to keep you from ever having the opportunity to reproduce. Mind you he said this chick gets her ass banged out EVERY night(which in of itself screams lie). So the lube changed dramatically overnight and you and her didn't stop to wonder what happened?



Aysakh said:


> I'm just here for the lube jokes and Drakkar
> 
> 
> By the way, how do you pronounce Drakkar? Is it DRAK (like Brak)- ARR or DRAKE- ARR? Maybe DROC- AIR? (kidding about that last one)



DRA(like Brak)-Karr


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## pink freud (Jan 10, 2010)

I'm calling shenanigans.

And even if this was true, YOU DON'T MESS WITH ANOTHER MAN'S JUNK!


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## TheSixthWheel (Jan 10, 2010)

I'm calling the pope. He's bound to be able to sort this one out.


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## DrakkarTyrannis (Jan 11, 2010)

TheSixthWheel said:


> I'm calling the pope. He's bound to be able to sort this one out.



Lord knows his priests have done enough butt fucking and lube work to be of service in this situation.


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## george galatis (Jan 11, 2010)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ffffffffoooooooooooook!


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## E Lucevan Le Stelle (Jan 11, 2010)

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> I know coming from me this will sound funny and all..but you can't really confuse super glue with lube.
> 
> For one the color is a dead giveaway and two the consistency isn't the same. Being as though you have to apply the lube and whatnot, you'd notice right away that something isn't right as would she. They also smell different. Either this isn't true or those two are extremely stupid.



This is very true.


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## JJ Rodriguez (Jan 11, 2010)

pink freud said:


> YOU DON'T MESS WITH ANOTHER MAN'S JUNK!



Tell that to Drak.


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## xmetalhead69 (Jan 11, 2010)

Even if this was a true story, its FAR from the funniest true story ever.


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## JJ Rodriguez (Jan 11, 2010)

Here's a true story from awhile ago. I went to a technical college that had a bunch of different types of courses there as well. We were in some bullshit class we all had to take called "professional skills" which was your basic resume/interviewing type shit. Was the most boring shit ever. Anyways, there's this chick in the class that I was chatting up (she wasn't that attractive, so I wasn't trying to fuck her) and we're shooting the shit about where we're from, and she mentions being from a small town just outside the city here. I ask her if she knows ____________________ (insert chick's name here) and she says "Yeah! How do you know her?!?" and me, being the gentleman and most suave person ever, reply with "I used to fuck her". Now, this chick turns bright fucking red, and says "Oh my God, don't say that to me!" and I ask her why. She responds with "Because that's my baby sister". This chick was married so the last names didn't match up. I think it was probably one of my proudest moments. She tells me later on not to worry about it, because her sister is a whore (her own words).

And this is but a page from the life of JJ Rodriguez.


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## eleven59 (Jan 11, 2010)

^ Now that I believe  Nicely done 

This thread is full of win


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## E Lucevan Le Stelle (Jan 11, 2010)

JJ Rodriguez said:


> ...and me, being the gentleman and most suave person ever, reply with "I used to fuck her". Now, this chick turns bright fucking red, and says "Oh my God, don't say that to me!" and I ask her why. She responds with "Because that's my *baby sister*"...
> 
> And this is but a page from the life of JJ Rodriguez.



Well I can believe that part


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## Prydogga (Jan 11, 2010)

JJ Rodriguez said:


> Here's a true story from awhile ago. I went to a technical college that had a bunch of different types of courses there as well. We were in some bullshit class we all had to take called "professional skills" which was your basic resume/interviewing type shit. Was the most boring shit ever. Anyways, there's this chick in the class that I was chatting up (she wasn't that attractive, so I wasn't trying to fuck her) and we're shooting the shit about where we're from, and she mentions being from a small town just outside the city here. I ask her if she knows ____________________ (insert chick's name here) and she says "Yeah! How do you know her?!?" and me, being the gentleman and most suave person ever, reply with "I used to fuck her". Now, this chick turns bright fucking red, and says "Oh my God, don't say that to me!" and I ask her why. She responds with "Because that's my baby sister". This chick was married so the last names didn't match up. I think it was probably one of my proudest moments. She tells me later on not to worry about it, because her sister is a whore (her own words).
> 
> And this is but a page from the life of JJ Rodriguez.



Have you ever thought of writing a book?


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## drmosh (Jan 11, 2010)

firstly, this sounds like bullshit.
secondly, what a fucking awful thing to do to somehow, I hope he rots in hell.
thirdly, dear god man write in english please or learn some grammar. that was almost impossible to read


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## vampiregenocide (Jan 11, 2010)

I made my brother believe gremlins were real for about 5 years. Made him stop walking about and waking my up at night.


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## Esp Griffyn (Jan 11, 2010)

This thread has made my day.

I'm just gonna toss my hat in and say that no superglue dries instantly, you would notice it becoming tackier long before it stuck penis to anus. I'm skeptical whether any glue, in optimum conditions with no movement, could actually stick a dong to a ring piece.


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## JJ Rodriguez (Jan 11, 2010)

E Lucevan Le Stelle said:


> Well I can believe that part





The chick was 18, I was like 20-21. The sister was like pushing 30 I think.



Prydogga said:


> Have you ever thought of writing a book?



I don't have that many good stories. Maybe a novella, or publish some short stories or something


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## MaKo´s Tethan (Jan 11, 2010)

ahahaha now this thread is funny.


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## E Lucevan Le Stelle (Jan 11, 2010)

Esp Griffyn said:


> This thread has made my day.
> 
> I'm just gonna toss my hat in and say that no superglue dries instantly, you would notice it becoming tackier long before it stuck penis to anus. I'm skeptical whether any glue, in optimum conditions with no movement, could actually stick a dong to a ring piece.



I don't know, the number of times I've stuck my fingers together with superglue I can safely say it dries pretty fucking fast... I certainly wouldn't want to try having it ANYWHERE NEAR my crotch, thank you!


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## JJ Rodriguez (Jan 11, 2010)

Fuck lube anyways. Just loosen that shit up with your fist and some spit then go to town.


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## 6o66er (Jan 11, 2010)

I got a good one. When I was in the army, we went through the CS gas chamber and were told to WASH OUR FUCKING HANDS before doing anything with them. Some dip shit didn't take the advice to heart and went to go take a piss afterward. Watching him double over backwards out of the porta-shitter screaming like a bitch was pretty funny...and the fact that he was still pissing everywhere with a 3 ft. snot trail coming out of his stupid face made it even better. 

Also, if you REALLY wanna "get" someone...IcyHot in the crotch is 10 times worse than superglue, I assure you.


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## Esp Griffyn (Jan 11, 2010)

E Lucevan Le Stelle said:


> I don't know, the number of times I've stuck my fingers together with superglue I can safely say it dries pretty fucking fast... I certainly wouldn't want to try having it ANYWHERE NEAR my crotch, thank you!



I've stuck my fingers to my thumb before, but that required a decent amount of pressure. I'm not sure there is sufficient surface and constriction in the anus / penis interface to create a locked sticking scenario.

Someone needs to do some empirical research into this.


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## JJ Rodriguez (Jan 11, 2010)

Well if they didn't do anal "every night" there probably would be enough pressure.


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## 6o66er (Jan 11, 2010)

JJ Rodriguez said:


> Well if they didn't do anal "every night" there probably would be enough pressure.






I was actually thinking this...


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## JJ Rodriguez (Jan 11, 2010)

I'm wondering why he's putting it in her pooper anyways. Is she one of those "take it in the ass for Jesus" crazy people so she can preserve her virginity?


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## DevinShidaker (Jan 11, 2010)

Or maybe the dude is just addicted to anal. My guitarist is like that, don't know how he can do it, but he can talk just about any girl into anal. it's insane. 

And I would read that book, "365 Days in the Life of JJ Rodriguez"


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## JJ Rodriguez (Jan 11, 2010)

Then maybe that dude shouldn't be dating/fucking chicks


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## silentrage (Jan 11, 2010)

Yeah hats off to that guy, I could never find enough room to maneuver in there.


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## jymellis (Jan 11, 2010)

envenomedcky said:


> Or maybe the dude is just addicted to anal. My guitarist is like that, don't know how he can do it, but he can talk just about any girl into anal. it's insane.
> 
> quote]
> 
> ...


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## Arminius (Jan 11, 2010)

JJ Rodriguez said:


> Tell that to Drak.



oh jesus!








E Lucevan Le Stelle said:


> This is very true.



You guyz 
(Just kidding, honestly I kinda lean both ways myself)


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## DrakkarTyrannis (Jan 11, 2010)

JJ Rodriguez said:


> Tell that to Drak.



You seem to think you're above raping...keep it up cockjockey















































Ha...I've said that before.....


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## E Lucevan Le Stelle (Jan 11, 2010)

Aysakh said:


> oh jesus!
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Want to go for a drink sometime?


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## Arminius (Jan 11, 2010)

E Lucevan Le Stelle said:


> Want to go for a drink sometime?








You sure about that  (I usually don't look THAT bad, my eyes were closed and my nose was big in that picture (wait it's big all the time (shit)))


Edit: and it looks like I have a mullet, fuck (I DON'T)


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## DrakkarTyrannis (Jan 11, 2010)

E Lucevan Le Stelle said:


> Want to go for a drink sometime?



Never miss an opportunity do you?


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## E Lucevan Le Stelle (Jan 11, 2010)

Aysakh said:


> You sure about that  (I usually don't look THAT bad, my eyes were closed and my nose was big in that picture (wait it's big all the time (shit)))
> 
> 
> Edit: and it looks like I have a mullet, fuck (I DON'T)



Sure  Just because I like to meet people doesn't mean I end up sleeping with everyone, after all...



DrakkarTyrannis said:


> Never miss an opportunity do you?



No, I don't 
*flutters eyelashes*


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## DrakkarTyrannis (Jan 11, 2010)

E Lucevan Le Stelle said:


> Sure  Just because I like to meet people doesn't mean I end up sleeping with everyone, after all...


Lord...please give me strength....


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## Arminius (Jan 11, 2010)

E Lucevan Le Stelle said:


> Sure  Just because I like to meet people doesn't mean I end up sleeping with everyone, after all...



I didn't mean that, it's just I'm something of an ogre


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## DrakkarTyrannis (Jan 11, 2010)

Aysakh said:


> I didn't mean that, it's just I'm something of an ogre



Yeah well so am I. Why do you think I became the black metal rapist..you think I got bitches lined up at my door?


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## budda (Jan 11, 2010)

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> Lord...please give me strength....



For what?


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## Daemoniac (Jan 11, 2010)

^ Handing out rapings a-plenty


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## DrakkarTyrannis (Jan 11, 2010)

Demoniac said:


> ^ Handing out rapings a-plenty



And here comes the cavalry!


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## Arminius (Jan 11, 2010)

do da doot doot DOO do da doot doot DOO


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## techcoreriffman (Jan 11, 2010)

This thread has officially made my day.

Another story: There's this kid in my class who I hate, and we had a track meet. He said he was really nervous about it because it was his first one (joined late in the season). I told him that about 30 seconds before his race to put icy hot on his balls, it will make him run faster. So he believes me. Right before the race starts he's next to me and goes
"Jordan, I don't think that's helping...... HOLY SHIT!!!" 
He started flipping out and didn't even finish the race. The coach wanted to find out what happened and he said "Jordan told me to put icy hot on my crotch and it would make me run faster" The coach comes up to me later and says "That was a total dick move, but I can't wait to tell my wife that story!"

Yeah, I'm a dick, but it was hilarious.


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## DrakkarTyrannis (Jan 11, 2010)

techcoreriffman said:


> This thread has officially made my day.
> 
> Another story: There's this kid in my class who I hate, and we had a track meet. He said he was really nervous about it because it was his first one (joined late in the season). I told him that about 30 seconds before his race to put icy hot on his balls, it will make him run faster. So he believes me. Right before the race starts he's next to me and goes
> "Jordan, I don't think that's helping...... HOLY SHIT!!!"
> ...


Now that's an interesting story. LEARN FROM THIS, OP.


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## Bungle (Jan 11, 2010)

The funniest part of the story in the original post is how quickly it got called out as bullshit  

Gotta say that anal isn't exactly on my "to do" list. If I was smashing some slut and she was all like "crank me in the shitter" I'd probably give it a go, but I'd never try and convince a chick to do it.


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## Arminius (Jan 11, 2010)

Bungle said:


> The funniest part of the story in the original post is how quickly it got called out as bullshit



and the fact that within three pages pretty much every trace of the original topic was dead.


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## JJ Rodriguez (Jan 11, 2010)

E Lucevan Le Stelle said:


> Sure  Just because I like to meet people doesn't mean I end up sleeping with everyone, after all...



Everyone knows you weiner mongers will sleep with anything, and that you try to pervert children with your wicked ways. It's the gay agenda after all.


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## JJ Rodriguez (Jan 11, 2010)

Bungle said:


> Gotta say that anal isn't exactly on my "to do" list. If I was smashing some slut and she was all like "crank me in the shitter" I'd probably give it a go, but I'd never try and convince a chick to do it.



I've actually gotten a few relieved looks from chicks when I told them I wasn't into it  Only 1 disappointed one


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## Prydogga (Jan 11, 2010)

JJ Rodriguez said:


> I've actually gotten a few relieved looks from chicks when I told them I *wasn't into it*  Only 1 disappointed one



Who are you and what did you do to JJ?


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## JJ Rodriguez (Jan 11, 2010)

I prefer stabwound intercourse.


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## Prydogga (Jan 11, 2010)

Who doesnt?


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## DrakkarTyrannis (Jan 11, 2010)

JJ Rodriguez said:


> Everyone knows you weiner mongers will sleep with anything, and that you try to pervert children with your wicked ways. It's the gay agenda after all.



Have you seen kids these days? Fat, stupid assed, funny looking bastards...no thanks. Straight folk can keep those. We'll come back when they start producing something we can use.


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## SevenStringSam (Jan 11, 2010)

disney kids.. they are used like tools already


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## Arminius (Jan 11, 2010)

SevenStringSam said:


> disney kids.. they are used like tools already



buncha' cupcakes


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## DrakkarTyrannis (Jan 11, 2010)

That Corbin Bleu pansy from those Disney movies looks a lot like this guy I saw in a porn movie once. Maybe the same person? I dunno. Then again I could have been watching a Disney movie, there's really no difference apart from the mouse ear logo.


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## Arminius (Jan 11, 2010)

^ It wouldn't surprise me at all if disney had an "adult branch"


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## SevenStringSam (Jan 11, 2010)

all disney guys need to get raped so they see that they really are fucking gay. no offense drakkar


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## Bungle (Jan 11, 2010)

SevenStringSam said:


> all disney guys need to get raped so they see that they really are fucking gay. no offense drakkar


Blaine will sort them out and without rape.





*offers kids chewing tobacco*

*Bunch of slack-jawed faggots around here. This stuff will make you a god damned sexual Tyrannosaurus, just like me.*


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## Arminius (Jan 11, 2010)

^ who is that


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## DrakkarTyrannis (Jan 12, 2010)

*sigh* Rape you say? I got work to do. Come along Aysakh...I'll show you how it's done.


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## vampiregenocide (Jan 12, 2010)

Aysakh said:


> ^ who is that



The Texan guy in Predator  A fitting film title for this thread.


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## petereanima (Jan 12, 2010)

Aysakh said:


> ^ who is that



if you dont know him, you need to buy the DVD of PREDATOR like fucking NOW, watch it, learn it, live by it. because it is the living awesomeness!! 




JJ Rodriguez said:


> and me, being the gentleman and most suave person ever, reply with "I used to fuck her".


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## JJ Rodriguez (Jan 12, 2010)

Fuck I wish I could remember all the times I've put my foot in my mouth. I'm like the king of that. I have absolutely no brain to mouth filter. At all.


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## K-Roll (Jan 12, 2010)

mine will be quite short it is just that a friend of mine, we really changed his life by telling him that the water you can buy in your stores does not spring like normal, carbonated or semi-carbonated and that it is being filled that way in those factories where they put CO2 inside it  he is 24 years old.. ( i hope i did not fail to explain myself correctly  )


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## Arminius (Jan 12, 2010)

DrakkarTyrannis said:


> *sigh* Rape you say? I got work to do. Come along Aysakh...I'll show you how it's done.



Yes, Lord Tyrannis. *giggles and skips merrily*



petereanima said:


> if you dont know him, you need to buy the DVD of PREDATOR like fucking NOW, watch it, learn it, live by it. because it is the living awesomeness!!



I've seen parts of it on TV when I was younger, It's still on my LOOOOONG list of things to watch. It will be watched though


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## K-Roll (Jan 12, 2010)

oh and one more.. this is something that happened to me 4 years ago and I really thought I would die of penis incineration. 
I used to go to the gym and do those things like trying to build up some muscles. I decided not to underestimate the bottom part- feet - and started to do some workouts. after 2 days of hard training I had such terrible muscle pain in the groin area and felt - ok now those things are growing it is ok to feel pain (i mean feet not my nutsack). So i went to the gym with a friend of mine and he had this lotion or grease or how to call that that was based on menthol. So he said here, take it but do not overdo it and put only a fingertip in the place where it hurts.. of course i put more.. after 5 minutes i felt something like a nice spring breeze down my pants the air was chilly, it was wonderful, relaxing.. 8 minutes later.. i am standing in a toilet with some paper in my hand trying to brush it out as it was buuuurniiiiiiing my ballllllls! it felt like putting your balls into bowling water.. i ran out of the toilet and headed towards bathroom with showers.. i was standing there for like 1 and half hour holding the poor red thing in my left hand and poring ubercold water on that place.. I could really feel that until I went to sleep, the next day I woke up I was happy like never and invited my girlfriend to perform general maintenance to see if it worked ok..


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## JJ Rodriguez (Jan 12, 2010)

K-Roll said:


> oh and one more.. this is something that happened to me 4 years ago and I really thought I would die of penis incineration.
> I used to go to the gym and do those things like trying to build up some muscles. I decided not to underestimate the bottom part- feet - and started to do some workouts. after 2 days of hard training I had such terrible muscle pain in the groin area and felt - ok now those things are growing it is ok to feel pain (i mean feet not my nutsack). So i went to the gym with a friend of mine and he had this lotion or grease or how to call that that was based on menthol. So he said here, take it but do not overdo it and put only a fingertip in the place where it hurts.. of course i put more.. after 5 minutes i felt something like a nice spring breeze down my pants the air was chilly, it was wonderful, relaxing.. 8 minutes later.. i am standing in a toilet with some paper in my hand trying to brush it out as it was buuuurniiiiiiing my ballllllls! it felt like putting your balls into bowling water.. i ran out of the toilet and headed towards bathroom with showers.. i was standing there for like 1 and half hour holding the poor red thing in my left hand and poring ubercold water on that place.. I could really feel that until I went to sleep, the next day I woke up I was happy like never and invited my girlfriend to perform general maintenance to see if it worked ok..



Nice


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## Arminius (Jan 12, 2010)

K-Roll said:


> oh and one more.. this is something that happened to me 4 years ago and I really thought I would die of penis incineration.
> I used to go to the gym and do those things like trying to build up some muscles. I decided not to underestimate the bottom part- feet - and started to do some workouts. after 2 days of hard training I had such terrible muscle pain in the groin area and felt - ok now those things are growing it is ok to feel pain (i mean feet not my nutsack). So i went to the gym with a friend of mine and he had this lotion or grease or how to call that that was based on menthol. So he said here, take it but do not overdo it and put only a fingertip in the place where it hurts.. of course i put more.. after 5 minutes i felt something like a nice spring breeze down my pants the air was chilly, it was wonderful, relaxing.. 8 minutes later.. i am standing in a toilet with some paper in my hand trying to brush it out as it was buuuurniiiiiiing my ballllllls! it felt like putting your balls into bowling water.. i ran out of the toilet and headed towards bathroom with showers.. i was standing there for like 1 and half hour holding the poor red thing in my left hand and poring ubercold water on that place.. I could really feel that until I went to sleep, the next day I woke up I was happy like never and invited my girlfriend to perform general maintenance to see if it worked ok..



"buuuurniiiiiiing my ballllllls!!!" sounds like somethng out of a glam rock song


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## JJ Rodriguez (Jan 12, 2010)

He could probably sing it after that experience too.


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## K-Roll (Jan 12, 2010)

yes, all of this I've been writing in a high-pitched voice


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## JJ Rodriguez (Jan 12, 2010)




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## petereanima (Jan 12, 2010)

K-Roll said:


> oh and one more.. this is something that happened to me 4 years ago and I really thought I would die of penis incineration.
> I used to go to the gym and do those things like trying to build up some muscles. I decided not to underestimate the bottom part- feet - and started to do some workouts. after 2 days of hard training I had such terrible muscle pain in the groin area and felt - ok now those things are growing it is ok to feel pain (i mean feet not my nutsack). So i went to the gym with a friend of mine and he had this lotion or grease or how to call that that was based on menthol. So he said here, take it but do not overdo it and put only a fingertip in the place where it hurts.. of course i put more.. after 5 minutes i felt something like a nice spring breeze down my pants the air was chilly, it was wonderful, relaxing.. 8 minutes later.. i am standing in a toilet with some paper in my hand trying to brush it out as it was buuuurniiiiiiing my ballllllls! it felt like putting your balls into bowling water.. i ran out of the toilet and headed towards bathroom with showers.. i was standing there for like 1 and half hour holding the poor red thing in my left hand and poring ubercold water on that place.. I could really feel that until I went to sleep, the next day I woke up I was happy like never and invited my girlfriend to perform general maintenance to see if it worked ok..




haha, nice one. remembers me of soemthing during school...we had every year a 1-week-skiing-school trip. and there was ALWAYS one "victim" in our room. well, i'm nowadays not "proud" of all these things, but damn, was it funny back then...

one year, we had this son of a teacher in our room, who has always been a prick, and always beeing like "if you hit back, i'll tell my dad" and stuff...well, how about a bit of shaving foam on your balls and penis while you are sleeping? damn, when he was waking up, you should have seen his face...best thing was that he walked all day with "cowboy"- / "O"-legs.

next night, a class/room-mate thought he jsut has to whack one off...so he goes *flub*flub*flub*...and he jerked into his hand.....and is like "oh wait a minute" - jumps of the bed, goes on the other side of the room to Elmar (teachers son), and rubs it all into his hair. next morning, breakfast, were all eating already, Elmar comes downstairs, takes his seat, with this U-N-B-E-L-I-E-V-A-B-L-E hedgehog kinda hairstyle. i really spit my hot chocolate right all over the table.

and you guys dont wanna know what we did after drinking all of his Fanta....


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## Daiephir (Jan 12, 2010)

Actually I do want to know what happened


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## petereanima (Jan 12, 2010)

i was hoping that it was self-explaining, but we of course filled the rest up with piss.


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## Auyard (Jan 12, 2010)

petereanima said:


> i was hoping that it was self-explaining, but we of course filled the rest up with piss.



Did he notice before he drank them and/or did he notice after he took a sip?


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## MaKo´s Tethan (Jan 12, 2010)

ten pages?? damn, I though this thread were die in 2 days.


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## petereanima (Jan 13, 2010)

Auyard said:


> Did he notice before he drank them and/or did he notice after he took a sip?



he took a daaaamn deep sip....then mentioned that it "seems to be old, already expired or something like that.."

(we didnt drink the whole bottle, but half of it, then "mixed" it)


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## Herb Dorklift (Jan 13, 2010)




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## petereanima (Jan 13, 2010)

you are calling this for me or the original post?


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## Herb Dorklift (Jan 13, 2010)

Sorry, original. Didn't realise everyone else was posting stories


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## petereanima (Jan 13, 2010)

no problem, thats what i thought and therefore asked.


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## K-Roll (Jan 15, 2010)

Airport Announcements! a bit related and actually made my day


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