# The Rules Of Metal



## Chris

Note: This post is from Insaneguitar.com. Being that it is the greatest post in the history of the internet, it's copied here in the event that the original site goes away.

 ----- 

*THE LAWS OF TRUE METAL*

*1) Everything can be broken down into Boolean: True or False*
Examples:
Blasting classical music in your car is true.
Wearing leather pants at a show is false (unless you&#8217;re an 80s rocker)
Children of Bodom are true.
Nu metal is false.
Waffle House is True
Midgets are true
Mr. T and the A-Team Van are True

*2) Know the essential vocabulary and use it frequently or be dubbed false. Each word has general rules of usage and examples.*

*Obtain*
- You don&#8217;t buy something at the store, you obtain it. 
- You don&#8217;t get good tone on your amp, you obtain good tone.
- &#8220;Dude, I obtained a bad ass CD today.&#8221;

*Administer*
- You don&#8217;t play a Children of Bodom CD in your car, you administer it.
- The &#8220;play&#8221; button on your CD player needs to be changed to &#8220;administer&#8221; or you will be dubbed false.
- &#8220;Check out this new riff I wrote.&#8221; *administers riff*

*Supreme (or Ultimate)*
-Can be used interchangeably with &#8220;ultimate.&#8221; Supreme is used to describe something&#8217;s supremacy.
-RULE OF GRAMMAR: Once something is proclaimed supreme, then it is known as ultimate. You can not proclaim something ultimate, but you can proclaim it supreme.
-Today I obtained a badass CD. It was then administered it. The horns were upped. Then I proclaimed it supreme.

*Penultimate*
-2nd to ultimate (supreme) or almost ultimate
-&#8220;Check out this riff, I think it is penultimate to the chorus riff.&#8221;

*Proclaim*
-At all times you must be proclaiming things. (see above description of supreme)

*Deem*
-Deem is a supreme word. Example: I deem Limp Bizkit false.

*Hail*
-Upon greeting a fellow brother of metal you say &#8220;hail.&#8221; All other greetings are false. Upon greeting a fan of the band Manowar, say &#8220;Hail Kill Hail.&#8221;

*Forge*
- Metal is forged, not written.

*Wield*
- You don&#8217;t hold your guitar, you wield it.

*Badass*
- Badass is the most badass word in the metal vocabulary. Can also be interchanged with &#8220;bad as f*ck.&#8221;
- Any time that anything even remotely cool happens, you must proclaim it is bad ass.
- Example: Pissed off old ladies crossing the street with canes are bad ass!
- &#8220;I wrote a bad ass riff today.&#8221; &#8220;Dude, that is bad as f*ck!&#8221;

*Cancelled*
-Cancelled is true. It is done in conjunction with flexing. You can cancel anything that is false. 

Rules of administration: 
-If you see something false, flex your forearm and proclaim "cancelled." 

Examples: 
-You come home. Your little brother is blasting rap. You walk in to his room, punch him, flex, then say "cancelled," turn it off, and administer Children of Bodom. If he mouths off to you, proclaim him canceled, flex, and then proceed to beat his ass. 

-You see a kid in a Limp Bizkit shirt walking down the street. Flex at said poseur and proclaim "cancelled." 

*Essential*
-Anything that you can not live with out.

Example:
-You must print these rules and post them on your wall. This is essential
-It is essential that jamming takes place today


*3) Flexing of the forearm or triceps.*

Everything in life can be solved by flexing your right forearm or triceps. Flexing the triceps is penultimate to flexing the forearm. When flexing make the sound &#8220;pfffffffffffffffffffff&#8221; with a cocky look on your face.

Examples:
- You are driving a car. Some old person cuts you off and drives slower than you. You honk and flex at them.
- Something bad ass happens. You proclaim it true and then flex. 
- Someone in the grocery store looks at you funny, flex at them. 
- Several times a day you must just randomly flex your triceps for no reason at someone.
- Every time you see a squirrel must flex at it.
- You live in Florida. A hurricane is coming. You flex at it. It is instantly owned and leaves you and Waffle House unphased.

*4) Visit the Maximal Collision Website frequently: *http://www.maximalcollision.com.ar/

Valgorth is the supreme true metal warrior. If you are uninformed in the ways of true metal, he will educate you. 

*5) Basic List of things that are True: *

This is the essential list. Print it. Carry it in your pocket. When other&#8217;s question the trueness of something, administer this list.

- Waffle House
- Jamming
- Tone emitted from a Mesa Boogie amplifier
- Flexing
- Hot foreign girls with accents
- Metronomes and Scale Books

*6) Example of a discussion that is TRUE.*

http://www.insaneguitar.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?board=0;action=display;num=1094526693


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## Shawn

That is pretty cool.


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## Leon

Chris said:


> - Tone emitted from a Mesa Boogie amplifier


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## The Dark Wolf

I like Limp Bizkit. Flex at me all you want, haters.


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## Drew

This list is supreme in its trueness. It was bad as fuck of you to administer it upon us, Chris.


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## Metal Ken

These rules are to be upheld at all times as if they were handed down from God(Read: The mgihty prince lucifer) Himself. 
True, and justly, it is bad as fuck. Flexing will be administered. 
If anyone denies these rules, they will be smitten, flexed at.. Buried. then later on, exhumed for further flexing at.


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## Donnie

The Dark Wolf said:


> I like Limp Bizkit. Flex at me all you want, haters.


*flexes at The Dark Wolf*


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## Metal Ken

BucketBot said:


> *flexes at The Dark Wolf*


Almost... 
Like this:
Pffffff! *Flex* lol


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## jski7

Drew said:


> This list is supreme in its trueness. It was bad as fuck of you to administer it upon us, Chris.


And in the other thread you said you weren't metal . The above qoute proves that you are in fact true , and therefore bad as fuck . You are a quick study my friend !


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## Drew

No, I was just a lit major. I'm good with language. Unless I'm weilding this ability to administer howls in must unholy registers to obtain wenches with heaving bosoms in front of legions of trueness, I'm merely a dork. 

(I'm just playing the "it's more metal to know you're not than to insist you are" card )


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## Metal Ken

Drew said:


> No, I was just a lit major. I'm good with language. Unless I'm weilding this ability to administer howls in must unholy registers to obtain wenches with heaving bosoms in front of legions of trueness, I'm merely a dork.
> 
> (I'm just playing the "it's more metal to know you're not than to insist you are" card )


Heaving bosoms are fucking metal \m/


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## Drew

HateBreeder said:


> Heaving bosoms are fucking metal \m/



Especially if they're accompanied by European accents. I ever tell you about my pet Romanian?


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## jski7

Just a thought or um , vision of chaos : I propose that the rules of metal could be administered to reputations . This idea is true , and therefore supreme .


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## The Dark Wolf

You guys are officially nerds  but I love yous anyways.

Limp Bizkit Rules All!


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## LordOVchaoS

It's official. There must be a flexing emoticon on here now.


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## ecalcagnino

Limp Bisquick must be cancelled.  *administers Killswitch*

Flexing icons would be utiltmate!


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## Metal Ken

ecalcagnino said:


> Limp Bisquick must be cancelled.  *administers Killswitch*
> 
> Flexing icons would be utiltmate!


Thats like trying to cancel someone by hitting them with a rubber chicken ;p 
*administers Exodus' Fabulous Disaster album*


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## The Dark Wolf

HateBreeder said:


> Thats like trying to cancel someone by hitting them with a rubber chicken ;p
> *administers Exodus' Fabulous Disaster album*



*Administers '3 Dollar Bill, Y'All', YEAAAAAHHHH In full Donkey Durst mode* Take that, False Metal Posers.


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## Drew

LMAO, man, you guys are harsh.


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## Chris

*administers the fred durst shredding video to Dark Wolf*

Poser. Manowar would scowl at you.


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## The Dark Wolf

Chris said:


> *administers the fred durst shredding video to Dark Wolf*
> 
> Poser. Manowar would scowl at you.



LMAO


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## Regor

Chris said:


> *administers the fred durst shredding video to Dark Wolf*
> 
> Poser. Manowar would scowl at you.



You know... am I the only person that 'got' what Fred Durst was doind in that video??

Did anyone else see the link to Spinal Tap in that??


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## Toshiro

HateBreeder said:


> Thats like trying to cancel someone by hitting them with a rubber chicken ;p
> *administers Exodus' Fabulous Disaster album*



hahahahahahaha Now that's funny.


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## Shawn

HateBreeder said:


> Thats like trying to cancel someone by hitting them with a rubber chicken ;p
> *administers Exodus' Fabulous Disaster album*


While your at it...why not ACT III Death Angel.  
I've been yearning for that.
*administers Sacred Reich's American Way*
Killer.


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## wolfsd

Flobanez said:


> While your at it...why not ACT III Death Angel.
> I've been yearning for that.
> *administers Sacred Reich's American Way*
> Killer.



I'm not the only one that liked that one?????.....hey now it's a Johnny, hanging by his neck.................but really, who's to blame?

I will now administer Ripping Corpse's Dreaming with the Dead


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## ecalcagnino

Man, I was listening to Sirius today and Sacred Reich came on. I haven't heard that in forever, it was ultimate  

Act III was a good disc, too. Wasn't the drummer like 16 on that one or something? We administered a couple of those tunes and a couple from Frolic Through the Park to fill out some set lists WAY back in the day. That was true.

Speaking of Violence, anyone else like those guys? They were pretty ultimate, too.


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## wolfsd

Okay now.....I'm going to get all teary eyed here as we go down the road of memories....

Vio-lence, Whiplash, Atrophy, Dark Angel, Hallows Eve, Annihilator, Anthrax, Bad Brains, Confessor.....*Sigh*, looks like I'm going to waste the rest of the day listening to some old friends........At least I will be getting back in touch with some of my roots...

*Administers Whiplash's Insult To Injury*
Now.....where did I put those damn picks.......


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## Regor

Correct me if i'm wrong... cuz I don't know anything about Vio-lence. But wasn't that, like, Rob Flynn from Machine Head's old band? I know Phil Dremmel, the new guitarist in MH, was from Vio-lence.


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## ecalcagnino

Sure is. Man I miss those guys. Vio-Lence, Forbidden and a couple others mentioned here were so overlooked, it's a total shame. 

Man, wolfsd, we should compare collections, my thrash bro! \mm/ Awesome, that's the first time I saw all those names put on one page since my high school notebook covers...heh..


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## Shawn

I remember Frolic Through The Park. Awesome.
Vio-Lence's Opressing The Masses is good.
Im going to administer Obituary's Cause Of Death. James Murphy is awesome.


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## jski7

Flobanez said:


> While your at it...why not ACT III Death Angel.
> I've been yearning for that.
> *administers Sacred Reich's American Way*
> Killer.


Mmmm , Death Angel - Seemingly Endless Time . Bad as fuck  .
Sacred Reich , Forbidden . I'd almost completely forgotten about those days way back when . I'm going to procure some of these guys on cd and administer without delay !


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## Ancestor

beautiful... this made my day.


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## ecalcagnino

I love on Oppressing the Masses you can hear the kick pedal squeaking. Just awesome. That guy has the fastest fills I have ever heard. Sick!


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## Shawn

Sepultura-Beneath The Remains should be a good one to administer.


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## ecalcagnino

If you guys are interested, here is some stuff I administered about 13 years ago. All original, all me except drums. These were pre-vox demos for our Roadracer signing that happened then died almost as quick heh... nice! It's thrashy and Testament-ish or something... 

http://www.prankmonki.com/alchemist/

We got to play with a lot of cool bands and because we were based in Milwaukee we were always involved with Metalfest if any of you are familiar with it.

I was writing this stuff when I was 16-19 and I recorded these in 1993 at the ripe old age of 20.


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## Shawn

I'll be checking that out.


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## dan5150

Bringing the discussion back from reminising about the old days....

I have had this posted on the wall above my amp for a few years now. 
I will also be the first to admit that I am in violation of a few of them. 

Allow me to administer the supreme "Rules of Rock".  


*RULES OF ROCK​*For anyone in a band or anyone who wants to be in a band

1.) Don't misspell any words in your band's name. Many bands opt to switch the letter "I" for the letter "y". This is cool if you're into everyone with 1/8 to 1/16 a brain assuming that you are a crappy jock/rap/metal band. For instance, Limp Bizkit, Strait Up, and Korn are all these type of bands. Are any of them good? Check and mate. 
2.) Avoid using food products in your band's name. Chances are you'll misspell it anyways. Also chances are you'll pick some crappy food over a tasty one. 
3.) Don't wear your band's own shirts. No exceptions or excuses accepted. Don't think the "but I'm on tour and we haven't been able to wash our clothes, it's the only thing clean I had to wear" story is gonna fly...wear the dirty shirt, you're a rocker my friend. 
4.) Don't play reggae unless you are in Bad Brains. 
5.) Cowboy hats are for cowboys only. That is why they are called cowboy hats. You aren't Madonna nor are you trend setting. And unless your main transportation is a horse just don't wear a cowboy hat, or you're a total poser cowboy. 
6.) This one here is a no brainer and it's mainly, but not solely, directed towards the ska bands. DO NOT insert the name of your genre, or something related to your genre into your band's name. You don't see any good bands attempt this. except (Metallica, but even that is questionable) The best solution to this problem is to not start a ska band in the first place, cos not only are ska bands just itching to break this rule and prove their dorkdom, but nobody's scoring gash with a ska band anyway. 
7.) Avoid using the words theory, project, or plan in the title of your band name. 
8.) Don't play funk. Don't even joke about playing funk. 
9.) Visors on band members (or anyone for that matter) earn yourself a bitch slap. If you have your visor sideways, upside down, or both your penalty increases to additional groin area pummeling. 
10.) For shows, props are generally a bad idea. They usually stimulate the audience's what-the-hell sensors. If you do decide to use one, make sure it's small and you don't spend most of your time playing with it. Unless of course you are the Beastie Boys, it's 1986, you're opening for Madonna, and you have a giant two story penis on stage. 
11.) If your band has a cozy fan base of say, five, skip out on the huge rock star banner. It is key to grasp the idea that people don't operate on the if-they-have-a-banner-they-have-to-be-good mentality. 
12.) Never have all members wear the same shirt. This is a ridiculous concept and should not be explained. 
13.) If you're playing your hometown, don't say "What's up (town)". This phrase is reserved for the out of town and/or touring bands. You might make them mad by stealing their pep speech. 
14.) If you're playing outside of your hometown, don't say, "What's up(town)". This screams shoot me in the face. 
15.) Preaching is for church, shut up and rock. 
16.) Cordless guitars are only ok if your first name is Eddie, your last name is Van Halen, and you kick ass at playing guitar with a power drill. If this is not the case, don't venture there. 
17.) Playing your guitar up by your neck makes you look like a geek. Period. If you need an example, take a cue from a few of the greats...look at Slash's guitar height, or maybe take a peek at where Duff let the bass rest, or possibly look at just how low Chris Novaselic rode his rock axe. 
18.) If you play bass make sure you have only 4 strings. If you play guitar make sure you only have 7 or less. If you play drums know that if your set looks like something Tommy Lee would play while hanging upside down, you are a jackass. You don't need 12 cymbals fruitcake. 
19.) Gold hardware and/or wood stained anything is a no-no. Ditto for neon anything. 
20.) White cordless mics were used by Vanilla Ice, don't travel the same road. 
21.) Unless you are an immortal rock god, spitting or throwing water into the crowd instantaneously eliminates any chance you had at getting laid that night. It may ensure you getting your ass kicked though. 
22.) Covering new wave songs, oldies, or current Top 40 songs means your band sucks mad horse dong. The "hey wouldn't it be funny to cover that N'Sync song and make it punk" idea is about as funny as a knee to the crotch. 
23.) If all of your songs are about how much you miss your girlfriend, do us a favor and instead of touring, stay home geek. 
24.) Kick out the fat guy, he's the reason you are never gonna be big. 
25.) If you're fat, kick yourself out, you're blowing it for the rest of the band. 
26.) If you're a metal band, make sure that you are a metal band before you say you are a metal band. A pretty fool proof test is to ask yourself if you think Rob Halford would be into your band back in the days when Judas Priest was the shit. 
27.) If you have a DJ make sure he at least has two turntables. I actually recommend no DJ, but if you gotta go there... 
28.) I take that back. No DJ's. This DJ in bands shit has to stop now. 
29.) Shave. Beards = blowing it. 
30.) Don't wear backward baseball caps, unless you're the Beastie Boys. 
31.) Use a pick. If you play slap bass you need your fingers broken. 
32.) Don't tell the crowd what they can and can't do. You're not Fugazi. If you want to be a cop, get off the stage and go join the police academy champ. 
33.) Unless you're the headliner you shouldn't be playing hour and a half sets, keep it short. The idea that "Hey these people don't seem to like us, maybe they just didn't like those songs, let's play some more until we play on they like" is never accurate. Get off the stage. We want to go home.


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## rx

the funniest part is how you have to flex at everything (which I really do)  but I don't get the "obtain" part. is it saying that stealing aka. "obtaining" something from a store is cool?


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## Metal Ken

rx said:


> the funniest part is how you have to flex at everything (which I really do)  but I don't get the "obtain" part. is it saying that stealing aka. "obtaining" something from a store is cool?


To obtain simply means to 'get'. Doesnt matter if you pay for it or not. Its just saying instred of using 'get' , you use 'obtain' (to acquire)


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## Shannon

7.) Avoid using the words *theory*, project, or plan in the title of your band name.

Ooops. I broke that rule.  

Whatever. That list has too many damn rules anyway.


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## Leon

Shannon said:


> 7.) Avoid using the words *theory*, project, or plan in the title of your band name.
> 
> Ooops. I broke that rule.
> 
> Whatever. That list has too many damn rules anyway.


dude, that's rule number SEVEN... ::flexing::


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## The Dark Wolf

Shannon said:


> 7.) Avoid using the words *theory*, project, or plan in the title of your band name.
> 
> Ooops. I broke that rule.
> 
> Whatever. That list has too many damn rules anyway.



Agreed. What up with no beards? Huh? Metal's primitive man, not pretty boy. And only 4 string basses? Uh... that doesn't match too well with 7-string guitars, so someone on that list needs to do some math.  

as an aside, I just saw a bunch of bands this weekend FROM Toledo (my town) here IN Toledo, who said "What's up, Toledo?!" left and right.


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## Leon

i'm going to name my next band Theory Of A Project Plan, we're gonna play funk, and will be asking the crowd how they're doing every 5 minutes  

oh yeah, i'm having particular problem with this one...
19.) Gold hardware and/or *wood stained* anything is a no-no. Ditto for neon anything.

and...
31.) Use a pick. If you play slap bass you need your fingers broken.

John Myung. 'nuff said.


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## Regor

The Dark Wolf said:


> Agreed. What up with no beards? Huh? Metal's primitive man, not pretty boy. And only 4 string basses? Uh... that doesn't match too well with 7-string guitars, so someone on that list needs to do some math.
> 
> as an aside, I just saw a bunch of bands this weekend FROM Toledo (my town) here IN Toledo, who said "What's up, Toledo?!" left and right.



Hey Wolf, do you know of a place called the Longhorn Saloon? Last year in November my band played there along with another band, Pillowblock. I'll let you know if we ever get to play there again.


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## The Dark Wolf

Regor said:


> Hey Wolf, do you know of a place called the Longhorn Saloon? Last year in November my band played there along with another band, Pillowblock. I'll let you know if we ever get to play there again.



I've never been there, Rog, but I know of it, certainly.

Yes, do let me know, bro.


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## Regor

[submarine]It's definately a dive[/submarine]


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## Metal Ken

Here's some more:
The RULES OF BLACK METAL


> Don't be gay.
> 2. Be "true".
> 3. All people who arent "true" are gay.
> 4. Be grim.
> 5. Be necro.
> 6. Be simultaneously grim and necro if at all possible.
> 7. Break things while being grim and necro.
> 8. Don't have fun at concerts. Stand around with arms crossed.
> 9. Repeat all above while denouncing organized religion in any form.
> 10. Never ever, EVER under ANY circumstances...
> 11. ...Listen to Peccatum.
> 12. When someone asks you if you enjoy the music of Mayhem, point out that you only enjoy the music of "the true" Mayhem. Maniac is gay.
> 13. Don't play with fuzzy things, excepting that by "play" you mean "burn".
> 14. Don't be Dani Filth.
> 15. Never, ever, under any circumstances utter the phrase "Kenny G slams, man."
> 16. Don't be Dani Filth.
> 17. When your mom tells you to take out the garbage tell her that you're too metal to remove refuse.
> 18. Run for it!
> 19. Sodomize a virgin whore.
> 20. Sodomize anything that is not male. (Fuzzy things look out!)
> 21. Make sure your album goes out of print about 3 years after its release... so it becomes 'cult'.
> 22. When in doubt, say "True Norwiegian Black Metal!"
> 23. If that doesn't work, blast beats can fill any silence.
> 24. Turn any cross you find upside-down.
> 25. Nipple twisting is not a blackmetal activity..
> 26. Write a cult, underground, grim and necro zine. Feature only interviews with bands no one has heard of, even "true" blackmetallers.
> 27. Never ever, EVER, EVER be open-minded.
> 28. Never write songs less than 15 minutes long and containing less than 15 adjectives in the title.
> 29. a) paint face. b) go in woods. c) act like troll.
> 30. Don't be Mortiis (or Dani Filth).
> 31. Don't wear white shoes after Labor Day.
> 32. Don't make jokes only your mom would get.
> 33. Don't make jokes.
> 34. When in doubt, scowl with eyes downturned.
> 35. Don't eat Marshmellow Peeps.
> 36. To producers of black metal albums: remember...no low end! If it doesn't hurt to listen to, it can't be "true".
> 37. Make sure that no less than half of the musicians on your album are "session" members.
> 38. When in concert, always growl names of songs so that they are imperceptible. This will ensure that anyone who doesn't have your "cult" LP won't get it.
> 39. Never play live.
> 40. When getting ready to go to a show, completely forget that the other people there are not going to the show to look at you.
> 41. Use barbed wire whenever possible. (Note: this assists in being both "necro" and "grim".)
> 42. When asked by a non true BMer what BM is, say something like, "BM is the raw essence of pure black evil in man", in any case, make sure that by the conversations end, the other person still has no idea what black metal is.
> 43. Drive one of your band members to suicide, and claim he died because of the "mainstream" "infecting" the "scene".
> 44. Reform with "old members" and release an album intended to produce commercial success.
> 45. When it flops say that you meant it to fail cause anything less wouldn't be "true".
> 46. Have a side project. Ensure that all other members of your band also have side projects.
> 47. Fill out the other slots in your other member's side projects as "session" musicians.
> 48. Record everything in the same studio with the same producer/instruments/equipment/etc.
> 49. Make sure your album cover never consists of more than three colors (color options allowed: grey, black, white).
> 50. Publicly state that your band is "non-religious", then use the word "Satan" over 400 times on your one-song thirty-minute album.
> 51. Never stuff your shoes to make them appear puffy and avoid the wearing of backwards baseball caps if at all possible. Red ones in particular.
> 52. Insist that music should never progress and that it should still sound the same way it did 9 friggin years ago.
> 53. Never say "friggin".
> 54. Never finish anything you start.
> 55. The word "Hail" is the only appropriate greeting whenever greeting someone "true".
> 56. If feeling especially true on a given occasion, try "Infernal Hails".
> 57. All logos must include illegible writing and at least one inverted cross and/or pentagram. This is non-negotiable.
> 58. When referring to sex with a Metal Chick use only the terminology "sticking my clouded frost-spire into her gates of attrition".
> 59. Design complex logo for your grim black metal band on binder paper in the middle of math class.
> 60. Accept every interview you're offered...then pretend that you really don't enjoy being interviewed.
> 61. Thoroughly enjoy Star Trek: The Next Generation.
> 62. Wait... scratch that last one. (See rule 1)
> 63. Never divulge to any outsiders the Exact Day of the Divine Arrival of the Massive Hoof. Instead, inform them that they should be ready to suck the Dark Lord's greasy @#%$ at any time.
> 64. Use the phrase "suck the dark lord's greasy @#%$" whenever possible.
> 65. If you ever find that you have somehow become a member of Hecate Enthroned, be sure to piece together a music video of scrap footage of yourself walking around in the woods at night looking evil. Only, instead of being night make sure it's the middle of the @#%$ day, and instead of looking evil, look dorky instead. (See also: rule 1)
> 666. Own hundreds of black metal albums, demos and bootlegs. Listen to approximately 8 of them regularly.
> 67. Humping a ceramic Virgin Mary in front of your uncle's house is not "pimping it" (unless you tell her you're done then blow in her face like a shotgun when she turns around).
> 68. Refrain from using keyboard smilies when communicating via the Internet. Single acceptable smily: -(
> 69. Why isn't the word "Northern" in your album title yet!? Get to it! Amatuers...
> 70. Spelling things correctly is neither grim nor necro.
> 71. Norsk Arysk Blak Metal! Rahhh!!
> 72. No matter where you're from, pretend you're from Norway and therefore 'true'.
> 73. Don't be Dani Filth. (I think that's clear)
> 74. All pets you own now will henceforth be known as "Crucifier". Any pets you own in the future will also be known as "Crucifier".
> 75. True black metaller: "Many of our dark hymns are influenced by the mighty Tolkien... You have not read the works of Tolkien!? Nerd. Wait a minute... It appears I am the nerdy one after all!"
> 76. @#%$, I'm talking to myself again.
> 77. Norsk Arysk Blak Metal! Rahhh!!
> 78. That's better, on with the interview!
> 80. Create inverted crosses in all possible instances. Suggested tools: Drum sticks, twigs, pool cues, pencils, etc. (See also "clouded frost spire")
> 81. Profess publicly that you are a Satanist and add that you are in touch with Norway's ancient Pagan past. Pretend that somehow those two facts make sense in conjunction.
> 82. Stick your dick in the mashed potatoes.
> 83. Don't make Beastie Boys references.
> 84. Don't make references.
> 85. Satanus. Huh huh huhuhuhuh.
> 86. Huhuhuhuhuhuhuh.
> 87. If possible, design the title of your album so that it consists of three completely unrelated words. Dimmu Borgir are the master of this (i.e. Enthrone Darkness Triumphant, Spiritual Black Dimensions, Puritanical Euphoric Misanthropia, Godless Savage Garden) but you may also want to refer to Immortal's "Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism".
> 88. As we all know, women have no place in the homoerotic world of black metal, but if your girl friend still won't stop bugging you about wanting to be involved in your band, give her a lame spoken word part or something.
> 89. Never form a band containing you, your wife and/or girlfriend, and some gay looking guy. (See also: rule 11)
> 90. Go to bed when your mom tells you to.
> 91. If it's rare, it must be good. Order it immediately.
> 92. I will not add that as it is not metal enough.
> 93. Are you metal enough to be reading this?
> 94. Own every Darkthrone release. Listen to exactly none of them.
> 95. Own [email protected]#%$ shirts of bands you not only own no releases of, but also haven't even heard.
> 96. Use the phrase "[email protected]#%$" whenever possible.
> 97. Attempt to randomly throw the word "@#%$" during random segments of your songs. (Kindly refer to Attilla's work on De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas.)
> 98. In order to make your recording more incomprehensible and therefore more "cult", be sure to either select a singer who has only a tenuous grasp on the language to be sung. (Acceptable languages: Norwegian, Latin, Orcish.)
> 99. I'll tell you what your album lay out needs...Some titties.
> 100. And you know what else? How long since you acted like a troll? Pick up that makeup and fight, soldier!
> 101. You mean to tell me you read this whole thing when you could've have been prancing about in the forest with an axe? For shame! For shaaaaame!!


----------



## theunforgiven246

dont be dani filth! oh man that made me piss my pants!


----------



## Naren

That Black Metal thing had some funny parts. Laughed aloud a few times.

But what's up with some of those "rules of rock"? No basses with more than 4-strings? If you have a 7-string guitar, you should have a 5-string bass (or 6-string -- the more strings the better, I say). And "Use a pick. If you play slap bass you need your fingers broken."?? Slap bass is very cool. And why use a pick? Why not regular finger-style? As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing wrong with cordless guitars. If it's good enough for Van Halen, it's good enough for... well, I don't have one, but it'd be cool if I did. And gold hardware and wood stained guitars/basses are also pretty cool. My Gibson Les Paul Studio has gold hardware and I owned a nice wood-stained accoustic. Very beautiful. And what the hell with the shaving? Especially in metal (or classic rock, etc.), there are and have been so many bands with beards, goaties, etc.

Yeah... well... mmm... 

Oh yeah, and the rules of metal thing at the beginning was hilarious. I think I'm gonna go administor some Black Sabbath, early 80's Metallica, and some Slayer.


----------



## drummer_55

Metal fucking rules!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## 7slinger

*flex*...ow


----------



## Drew

1,000 views.


----------



## Leon

Drew said:


> 1,000 views.


eh, i'll be impressed when it hits 3,142


----------



## Naren

Drew said:


> 1,000 views.



   

(administers riff)


----------



## ilovegeetars

The adminishredder is wise beyond his shredding. I bow down to his wisdom and will incorporate his rules of metal into my life


----------



## Metal Ken

The rules of metla were actually concieved mostly by Joel from Insane Guitar.com, but with some help from me. Mad props to the adminishredder for seeing the errors of his previous ways and correcting his life to spread the true word of metal \m/ ;p


----------



## Naren

Although I love metal, like any style of music, it's fun to make fun of. I remember saying to a Japanese English teacher I know "Does it rock?" and she asked "What do you mean 'rock'?" 

And I said "Oh, 'rock' is when you give the metal sign with your hand, yell 'ROCK!' and then shred on your ax, banging your head with your long disheveled hair in your face, then look skyhigh and laugh maniacally as you bend a low D." 

Of course, that just made her more confused. But it was worth it.


----------



## eaeolian

wolfsd said:


> *Administers Whiplash's Insult To Injury*



Hail! That one was well and truly forged.


----------



## Metal Ken

I cant believe i didnt see the part about Whiplash. Burning of Atlanta = Fucking awesome song \m/


----------



## stuz719

eaeolian said:


> Hail! That one was well and truly forged.



Anvil - Forged in Fire

 

Whiplash - Power and Pain


----------



## D-EJ915

I thought the "3 completely unrelated words" part was pretty funny...


----------



## steve bro

I concur whole heartedly


----------



## SevenString

Metal:







NOT metal:






Metal:







PAINFULLY SO FUCKING NOT METAL - RIGHTEOUS FLEXING MUST BE ADMINISTERED THROUGH A TIME WARP BACK TO THE 80s SO THAT THIS ABOMINATION CAN NEVER COME TO PASS!!!


----------



## LordOVchaoS

CHRIS!!! Flexing smiley PLEASE!!!


----------



## usagi

Does the maximalcollision site no longer exist? I'm dying to meet Valroth the metal warrior.


----------



## Metal Ken

Valgorth, TRUE METAL WARRIOR. Yeah its still up somewhere. lol


----------



## usagi

Oops, hopefully he won't cancel me for misspeaking.


----------



## garcia3441

http://www.valgorth.com.ar/


----------



## The Dark Wolf

usagi said:


> Oops, hopefully he won't cancel me for misspeaking.


Usagi, is that Galactus with a guitar in your avatar pic?


----------



## bostjan

galactus \m/


----------



## usagi

The Dark Wolf said:


> Usagi, is that Galactus with a guitar in your avatar pic?



Yes, that is the fretburning devourer of worlds GALACTUS! Thanks for noticing. The pic got a bit on the blurry side when I shrunk it.


----------



## The Dark Wolf

usagi said:


> Yes, that is the fretburning devourer of worlds GALACTUS! Thanks for noticing. The pic got a bit on the blurry side when I shrunk it.


That's awesome. I have always really dug Galactus. When an interesting and complex villain. 

Cool avatar choice, dude.


----------



## usagi

The Dark Wolf said:


> That's awesome. I have always really dug Galactus. When an interesting and complex villain.
> 
> Cool avatar choice, dude.



Thanks, one of the advantages of kids. I can buy this stuff and not feel too nerdy. I like the old Marvel books they're a blast to read instead of Dr Suess.


----------



## bostjan

hey, i know this is going way the hell off-topic, but has anyone else played the 'silver surfer' nintendo game? the opening theme song when it first boots up is really sweet. i tabbed it out for a student a couple years back, but i lost my master copy.

losing master copies is so not metal.


----------



## usagi

I didn't know they had a Surfer game. Was it cool?


----------



## 7stringninja

This thread is TRUE AS FUCK!  

I just read this for the first time a few minutes ago! I've been laughing my ass off at how awesome this is. 

It now explains the ever so common reply to my AJFA thread of "This thread is TRUE!"  

I now feel 100% at home on this forum. You guys share the exact same sense of humor with me, not to mention the Admin is a Stephen King fan, and all of us play 7-strings (which in itself seems to be an elite class of humans). 

  < - lefty rocker


----------



## abyssalservant

Hail Kill Hail!
Death to False Metal!
I am delighted. The Adminishredder is bad as (*$% to have administered this righteousness. And finally I have realized why it is that I obtain so many BM albums that I never listen to - it is the TRUE way!

::flexes::

Dear gods . . . there's metal flowing through my veins *growls and dances in the woods with an axe*


----------



## garcia3441

Bump, so that the new members may know the 'Rules of Metal'.


----------



## abyssalservant

Which is definitely a necessity.
*glances down*
I'm wearing a Manowar shirt. Help.


----------



## noodles

garcia3441 said:


> Bump, so that the new members may know the 'Rules of Metal'.



It's stickied, dude, you can't bump it any higher.


----------



## garcia3441

noodles said:


> It's stickied, dude, you can't bump it any higher.



The first thing I did when I joined was read the new posts. I didn't know there was a thread about the best of 2005, until last week.


----------



## bostjan

garcia3441 said:


> The first thing I did when I joined was read the new posts. I didn't know there was a thread about the best of 2005, until last week.



Same here.

This thread rocks so much, it ought to be stickied on top of all other stickies. 

I haven't been feeling as metal lately, guess I need to run through the woods like a troll some more.


----------



## Rick

That's pretty funny.


----------



## zimbloth

I just saw this for the first time. Badass.


----------



## neon_black88

HAHA


----------



## Dolflundgren

"Once something is proclaimed supreme, then it is known as ultimate. You can not proclaim something ultimate, but you can proclaim it supreme."


BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Love it man.


----------



## abyssalservant

abyssalservant said:


> Which is definitely a necessity.
> *glances down*
> I'm wearing a Manowar shirt. Help.



Shit, I'm doing it again.
How many times am I going to read the fucking rules?


----------



## jacksonknox27

bodom is definetly true


----------



## Chris

This is the most important thread in all of the internet. Read. Understand. Or be false.


----------



## D-EJ915

lol, nice new avatar chris \m/


----------



## Chris




----------



## Ken

I Deem this True and worthy of a bump.


----------



## garcia3441

As do I.


----------



## Rick

I now understand the law of the land thanks to eaeolian. I now flex at all metal not deemed ultimate.


----------



## Abaddon

can someone repeat that?


----------



## zimbloth

Abaddon said:


> can someone repeat that?



?


----------



## Dive-Baum

Holy mother of resurected threads Batman. This thing just keep scoming back up. I was thinking about it the other day though. This thread is so true.


----------



## Chris

It's a sticky sir. This thread will never die.


----------



## Rick

I deem this the greatest thread of all time.

I'm printing the rules to pass them on to my bandmates.


----------



## Juustonaksu

Cool. Never seen these before. I think I should understand those english words and verbs a bit better since they aren't ringing any bells right now. And one thing, don't mention Children of Bodom, please.


----------



## b3n




----------



## skinhead

hohoh f*cking hilarous!!!
- You dont buy something at the store, you obtain it. (steal it?)
- You dont get good tone on your amp, you obtain good tone.
- Dude, I obtained a bad ass CD today.
its really good.
Chuk Norris Someday bit a RG, then steve vai pick it and call it jem! XD


----------



## Vince

skinhead said:


> hohoh f*cking hilarous!!!
> - You dont buy something at the store, you obtain it. (steal it?)



no, you don't steal it


----------



## Ancestor

bostjan said:


> galactus \m/



+1


----------



## Gamba

this list is almost too true to be true


----------



## skinhead

Hey are rules that say ou how to be metal/punk/skin/rudeboy?
OMFG, its cool hehe, but if you are with a guy that talk all thay like that you want to kill him.


----------



## rx

what a shitty list of rules


----------



## BinaryTox1n

rx said:


> what a shitty list of rules


 


Canceled.


----------



## Korbain

rx said:


> what a shitty list of rules



word, why the fuck would some jackass/es create rules for music? lol. Thats why metal is so shit now because they make metal heads single minded n boring


----------



## Ryan

Canceled 


The rules are supreme.


----------



## Korbain

Ryan said:


> Canceled
> 
> 
> The rules are supreme.



only to bald headed red necks with big beards and lots of muscles n tatoo's  lol

edit: Who's the sick cunt that neg repped and didn't write anything?  avril lavigne is more metal than you will ever be. Fred durst has bigger balls than you  lol


----------



## rx

Korbain said:


> word, why the fuck would some jackass/es create rules for music? lol. Thats why metal is so shit now because they make metal heads single minded n boring



it's the whole "metalhead" machoboy complex. it's like, if you listen to metal and you listen to some other genre of music or not look or act like a machometalhead, you're gonna be labelled a fag

god I hate music.


----------



## Chris

rx said:


> it's the whole "metalhead" machoboy complex. it's like, if you listen to metal and you listen to some other genre of music or not look or act like a machometalhead, you're gonna be labelled a fag



Don't you have the HCOJ forums to spew this nonsense on? 



Korbain said:


> word, why the fuck would some jackass/es create rules for music? lol. Thats why metal is so shit now because they make metal heads single minded n boring



Congrats on completely missing the point. 



> edit: Who's the sick cunt that neg repped and didn't write anything?  avril lavigne is more metal than you will ever be. Fred durst has bigger balls than you  lol



I don't know who the first "sick cunt" was, but the last was me.


----------



## Drew

Korbain said:


> word, why the fuck would some jackass/es create rules for music? lol. Thats why metal is so shit now because they make metal heads single minded n boring



You obviously have no sense of humour. 





EDIT - Scratch that. You obviously have a negative sense of humour.


----------



## noodles

Chris, where is the Shut-The-Fuck-Up-o-Bot when we need him?


----------



## Rick

The rules are supreme. Deal with it.


----------



## garcia3441

noodles said:


> Chris, where is the Shut-The-Fuck-Up-o-Bot when we need him?



+1


----------



## ShutTheFuckUp-O-Bot




----------



## garcia3441

ShutTheFuckUp-O-Bot said:


>


----------



## Korbain

Drew said:


> EDIT - Scratch that. You obviously have a negative sense of humour.



lol exactly  and thanks for the neg rep chris  haha evil mofo. but noo i got the point, i just wanted to make a point about rules n music in general  i know the whole the rules thing was just created as a poke of fun, but its also sadly half true


----------



## Ryan

garcia3441 said:


>



LOL


----------



## machinegunriffer82

there shoudnt be any rules in metal. because rules are another word for limitations and there shoudnt be any limitations in metal.


----------



## Korbain

machinegunriffer82 said:


> there shoudnt be any rules in metal. because rules are another word for limitations and there shoudnt be any limitations in metal.



word, and no one likes rules or limitations on music! music is creation. Even though the rules thing posted here was just a bit of fun, but i know what you mean!


----------



## Ryan

you guys are taking the rules way too seriously.


----------



## Hawksmoor

As a right wing communist anarchist I'm poised to ask:

what are rules?


----------



## skinhead

Are rules to be a metal guy? are rules to be a punk? are rules to be a skinhead? are rules to be a rudeboy?

There was other rules that were very funny.

I remember one that said "if you use a metallica shirt, it had to be after the black album. Remember, metallica died with cliff."


----------



## militant_x

hail! 

no flex emoticon... pft


----------



## Chris

I flex at your suggestion that we wouldn't have a  emoticon.


----------



## militant_x

bad ass! sorry, i just realized the little window that opens with the icons also scrolls horizontally.


----------



## Ciprian

Drew said:


> I ever tell you about my pet Romanian?



What you said bothers me somewhat... To be more exact, the manner in which you said it bothers me.


----------



## Rick

I printed out the rules of metal and gave them to my friend Zach so he has spread them all around the place he works.


----------



## rx

Chris said:


> Don't you have the HCOJ forums to spew this nonsense on?



apparently this thread's a great place to do it!


----------



## talon97

metal shouldnt have any rules, isnt that how it got started in the first place? by breaking the rules? food for thought.


----------



## Drew

machinegunriffer82 said:


> there shoudnt be any rules in metal. because rules are another word for limitations and there shoudnt be any limitations in metal.





talon97 said:


> metal shouldnt have any rules, isnt that how it got started in the first place? by breaking the rules? food for thought.



 You guys are totally missing the point.


----------



## sakeido

true 

I always wondered what all this talk of "false" was and that, but now I am thoroughly enlightened! Bad ass!


----------



## Rick

sakeido said:


> true
> 
> I always wondered what all this talk of "false" was and that, but now I am thoroughly enlightened! Bad ass!



Another sees the light.


----------



## skinhead

Chris said:


> *4) Visit the Maximal Collision Website frequently: *http://www.maximalcollision.com.ar/


----------



## Battousai

This is the funniest fuckin thing i have read !! awesome!


----------



## Rick

My bandmates have them too.


----------



## Chris




----------



## Ishan

Just read this, bad ass ! 
Gotta print it and duct tape it to the wall


----------



## Rick




----------



## soldierkahn

:: flexes at Rick ::


----------



## MetalSir

Chris said:


> *Administer*
> - The play button on your CD player needs to be changed to administer or you will be dubbed false.



I MUST DO THIS!!!!! I MUSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!


----------



## SOE777

Today I found myself flexing and random strangers.............They were like, "dude that's BAD AS F**K" hahah, off to administer some Dream Theater


----------



## dawningphoenix

That's great stuff. I haven't seen these in a while.


----------



## lowlowlow

This inspired me to administer some orange goblin.

forged!!!


----------



## ArchAngel1024

Ishan said:


> Just read this, bad ass !
> Gotta print it and duct tape it to the wall



F*ck tape, I'm CARVING this into my wall.


----------



## dream-thief




----------



## Varjo

Hail metal brothers!

I have read this topic and I deem it supreme. But a question is forged in my mind: If a group of people are moving around a ball (wether the people are flexed at or not is irrelevant, for they surely are cancelled), are they administering football?


----------



## Psychoface

I deem this list true *Flex* now to administer the metal!


----------



## ZeroSignal

Psychoface said:


> I deem this list true *Flex* now to administer the metal!


----------



## Hawksmoor

That ... was stupid...


----------



## zimbloth

> 7.) Avoid using the words *theory*, project, or plan in the title of your band name.



Here is a flyer from a local show. *Two *bands on the same bill


----------



## Hawksmoor

Occam's Razor... Damn, wish I had thought of that bandname...


----------



## Se7enMeister

i deem this true
only at 1000 posts are you metal and deemed true


----------



## Piledriver

i just went by car and flexd at someone, because he was hearing super crappy music. and after claimed him cancelled i adiministerd some badass scar symmetry


----------



## Chris

[action=Chris]cleans the last few shit posts[/action]

I will hand out bans like the fucking ice cream man if anyone dares fuck up this thread. 

Ahem.

YouTube - MERCENARY - Firesoul


----------



## MorbidTravis

chirs, listen to hammerfall


----------



## Chris

I deem you false, flex, and cancel you for the fact that you would even suggest that I don't own every Hammerfall album. Nobody on here listens to more power metal than I do.


----------



## MorbidTravis

..


----------



## Groff

Hammerfall > *

 It doesn't get much more fucking metal than Hammerfall. 



MorbidTravis said:


> orry? well im ona new quest, to get more neg rep than ken, only one may light puppies on fire IT SHALL BE ME!



Hey, you're not the only poor soul with a B52 on this board  Brb, going to set puppies on fire...


----------



## AmiR

Chris said:


> *Administer*
> - You dont play a Children of Bodom CD in your car, you administer it.
> - The play button on your CD player needs to be changed to administer or you will be dubbed false.
> - Check out this new riff I wrote. *administers riff*


 
The metal rules are supreme!!!
just one thing, you broke youre own rule.
it should be: "Check out this new riff i forged." *administers riff*
besides that, its badass!!!


----------



## arktan

welcome dude!


----------



## TheHandOfStone

Hello everybody. 

After a lot of lurking, I have finally decided to deem this site true. 

-An Edit Months Later: Not like my opinion mattered on the first post. 
 
-Double Uber Mega Edit: Still won't register as an edited post.


----------



## Rick

Had to be bumped.


----------



## HeavyMetal4Ever

Hail fellow Metalheads . I proclaim that discovering this site was supremely bad-ass. In fact, I deem this site bad as fuck and supremely essential.

Now i'm gonna go wield my axe and forge some metal in tribute to the trueness of Sevenstring.org. 

Pfffffffft .


----------



## CrushingAnvil

Replace Children Of Bodom With Morbid Angel and you've got yourself A List.

Or Man0waR for giggles.


----------



## friday11

HeavyMetal4Ever said:


> Hail fellow Metalheads . I proclaim that discovering this site was supremely bad-ass. In fact, I deem this site bad as fuck and supremely essential.
> 
> Now i'm gonna go wield my axe and forge some metal in tribute to the trueness of Sevenstring.org.
> 
> Pfffffffft .


----------



## holtoid

There should be no rules in metal apart from this one:

All Emo's should be shot on site.


----------



## SteveDendura

Indeed, this post is essentially and supremely badass!


----------



## logeywartooth

i am true PFFFF (flexes)


----------



## auxioluck

Hey, can we have this thread be required to read for all new members before they can post?


----------



## MFB

I can safely say I made good use of the rules today. Observe : 
*
Taylo*r: do you like cute is what we aim for?
 *Taylor*: probably not
 *ben*: you don't remember me bashing them before warped tour do you?
 *Taylor* they were good though :[
 *Taylor*: their new cd is good [SIZE=+0]




[/SIZE]
 *ben* *flexs*
 *ben* I proclaim thee : false


----------



## Chritar

this shit is supremely humurous


----------



## Seebu

I meh at those rules, I don't think they were that funny.


----------



## vampiregenocide

^ False.


----------



## Wi77iam

LIMP BIZKIT
IS BETTER THAN 
EVERYONE


----------



## Konfyouzd

this is the result of someone having absolutely way too much time on their hands... but then again... what does that say ab me for having read it???


----------



## abstract reason

nu metal is true!
check www.myspace.com/abstractreasonsquad !!!


----------



## Scar Symmetry

this thread reminds me of Wayne's World


----------



## Randy

william93 said:


> LIMP BIZKIT
> IS BETTER THAN
> EVERYONE



Yeah, dude.


----------



## Nick

Seebu said:


> I meh at those rules, I don't think they were that funny.





false


----------



## ArtDecade

True.


----------



## cddragon

BUMP!  This thread is so true that I am truly surprised that yet nobody proclaimed it supreme!

However, now i proclaim this thread SUPREME, and thus it becomes ULTIMATE 

Hail to all true metal brothers!


_*administers 80s thrash metal*_


----------



## Hypothermia

william93 said:


> LIMP BIZKIT
> IS BETTER THAN
> EVERYONE


 
That sir, is untrue!


----------



## King Fisher

ArchAngel1024 said:


> F*ck tape, I'm CARVING this into my wall.


That sir, is badass.


----------



## Konfyouzd

i found this thread by accident on google before i joined the forum... i love it...


----------



## ErykaDaemons

The Rules of Metal and Rules of Black Metal were supremely hilarious. Thanks for posting.

Therefore, I proclaim that Mexican food is true. This is based upon the grounds that anything that can make you crap blood and spit fire is by nature, true.

*Administers Morbid Angels "God of Emptiness" and Witchery's "Plauge Rider" *


----------



## Mr_Deathwish

The Dark Wolf said:


> I like Limp Bizkit. Flex at me all you want, haters.



Leave now


----------



## Angrychair

I deem waffle house cancelled. I worked there on and off from age 15 to 21. It was not bad ass. trust me, don't eat there.... no lie. toast is safe though. the eggs generally sit out in a basket above the egg burners where its like, hot. also, sometimes the bacon is frozen and you can't rack it to be put on the floor til it thaws, and sometimes it would get sat out for hours and u know, flies could have gotten on it while it thaws. also, generally a very dirty store because people dont know how to clean. although my store was spotless after i worked, so anyway, if you want a bad as fuck gut ache go have some waffle house. they do have badass sweet tea though. mmm


----------



## Mr12ax7

The supreme law that will be administered at all times


----------



## norrin radcliff

Waffle House breakfast steaks = enlightenment


----------



## CrushingAnvil

Mr_Deathwish said:


> Leave now



You know he could just lay down the ban-hammer on your candy-ass for f*ggotry dont you?


----------



## redlol

i have but one problem with your essential list, there are no waffle houses in europe which is undoubtedly the home of metal. there must be a universal restaurant which any metalhead can go to for solace


----------



## turdwrangler

I'd put a Marshall over Mesa Boogie any day of the week 

and Waffle House is a poor man's Denny's which is a poor man's Ihop though neither of the three are worth a really worth a crap


----------



## D0mn8r

pffff  Administer 'Turbo-Spinning-Pile-Driver"


----------



## Bo Millward

Sorry to put piss on everyones chips but i was beholden to the fact that metal had no rules. Thats what allows the genre to expand into an expressive art form and not just another movment based upon fashion and alternative subculture. 
But if I'm wrong and the rules laid down here are in fact the true ideology of metal, I'd like to put my neck on the like and say;

Fuck Metal!_!! An yeah I do think this shits on a par with... Emo.


----------



## liamh

Dude..
You honestly think this is not a tongue-in-cheek thing for fun?


----------



## Bo Millward

Shit man... I have to own to just quickly reading the first post... Fair made my self look the dick head eh? You know this shit's guna be damaging to my street cred.


----------



## Dystopia

dont be hatin on nu metal!!!


----------



## Daiephir

Too late, we already do


----------



## The Somberlain

I proclaim this true and The Somberlain the supreme metal album.


----------



## vhmetalx

This thread is bad as fuck. im going to go administir some kataklysm.


----------



## 13point9

*administers Burzum*


----------



## caskettheclown

Did you by chance get these rules from a book?

I have a book called the "rock bible" , it looks like a little red bible and everything.

It is exactly what you posted.

either way its awesome


----------



## Bigsexy8832

The Dark Wolf said:


> I like Limp Bizkit. Flex at me all you want, haters.


 cancelled


----------



## Stealthdjentstic

Boober doesnt post here anymore


----------



## The Somberlain

13point9 said:


> *administers Burzum*



+1 Add some Abigor


----------



## Poho

vhmetalx said:


> This thread is bad as fuck. im going to go administir some kataklysm.



I declare this true, and supreme. *flexes*


----------



## filipe200x

This got to be the most funny thing i've read this weekend. Thanks for the post! xD


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## LaceFaceCobain

i deem Manowar cancelled, and deem all that is Pantera, Periphery, and As I Lay Dying SUPREME!!! *FLEXES*


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## Daiephir

LaceFaceCobain said:


> i deem Manowar cancelled, and deem all that is *Pantera*, Periphery, and As I Lay Dying SUPREME!!! *FLEXES*



I deem you false, I cancel and flex *flexes*


Sorry if that offended anyone,


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## The Somberlain

HAIL THE GODS OF TRUE METALLL!!!
Yeah, they have the longest metal performance (5 or 7 hours) and the loudest (about 146 decibels). Now that's metal.


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## cvinos

Me cancels Pe..... *räusper*


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## PyramidSmasher

I proclaim this thread supreme


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## Soubi7string

Daiephir said:


> I deem you false, I cancel and flex *flexes*
> 
> 
> Sorry if that offended anyone,



I second this notion


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## BucketheadRules

Has Justin Bieber been cancelled yet?

If not, I propose that the combined might of SS.org gathers with the sole intention of cancelling Bieber and banishing him from our world once and for all.


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## Soubi7string

LaceFaceCobain said:


> i deem Manowar cancelled, and deem all that is Pantera, Periphery, and As I Lay Dying SUPREME!!! *FLEXES*



I declare thee false
*administers Deicide*


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## MohawkShred

Im going to obtain a glass of water


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## Hemi-Powered Drone

Soubi7string said:


> I declare thee false
> *administers Deicide*



I declare you false, and administer Eluveitie.


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## Soubi7string

dragonblade629 said:


> I declare you false, and administer Eluveitie.



Manowar>Pantera,Periphery, or As I lay crying


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## nostealbucket

All I can say now is Pfffffffffffff


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## iRaiseTheDead

This thread is so win.


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## CrushingAnvil

LaceFaceCobain said:


> i deem Manowar cancelled, and deem all that is Pantera, Periphery, and As I Lay Dying SUPREME!!! *FLEXES*



Wow, just no.


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## CrushingAnvil

machinegunriffer82 said:


> there shoudnt be any rules in metal. because rules are another word for limitations and there shoudnt be any limitations in metal.



That's pretty spastic. What if Gary holt just decided he was going to join Def Leppard because hair metal was thought of as an equal to mid 80's thrash? There's a silver lining, guys - you can't just form a crotchcore band one day and say it's metal on the sole premise that 'metal doesn't have any rules'.


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## JosephAOI

This thread administers the lolz!

*administers Opeth*


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