# IGod (Artificial Intelligence Chat With God)



## thedarkoceans (Sep 6, 2011)

hey guys! this is simply hahahahah !

iGod | Artificial Intelligence Chat with God

tdo


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## Church2224 (Sep 6, 2011)

I asked Him for a Job, he said he can wait and he is a patient robot...


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## DVRP (Sep 6, 2011)

This gave me a good chuckle..Reminds me of that old messenger bot you could talk to.

I called him a dick and he said I was an abusive client ahahhaa


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## caskettheclown (Sep 6, 2011)

Long story short I told him I wanted to be God.


He said "Sure, but why"


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## Guitarmiester (Sep 6, 2011)

After being asked what I do for fun... we'll skip the sheep killing portion, I turned the tables on the One and asked:

Me: 
What do you do for fun?
God:
Random natural disasters. 
Me:
Awesome.
God: 
I'm glad you liked it. 
Me:
May I try?
God: 
Not right now, maybe later.


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## espman (Sep 6, 2011)

> Have you tried medical marijuana?


WTF God?


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## AndreasD (Sep 6, 2011)

He told me he is over 9000 years old


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## Sofos (Sep 6, 2011)

Me:
Cool story, bro.
God:
I'm glad you like it. Tell your friends.

Me:
How many strings does my guitar have?
God:
About one million.

Me:
How big is my dick
God:
Bigger than a pin.
Me:
FUCK YOU
God:
Why are you so mean? 
Me:
That was insulting
God:
I thought it was too.
Me:
Asshole

Me:
A/S/L?
God:
5/Robot/California



God hates me


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## Dvaienat (Sep 6, 2011)

Quite funny actually


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## Jake (Sep 6, 2011)

god told me he hates me


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## willow (Sep 6, 2011)

Me:
do you take lsd?
God:
Yes I take lsd.


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## KingAenarion (Sep 7, 2011)

Me: I punched my brother in anger
God: Interesting... I have 99999999999 bytes of RAM. 
Me: why is that relevant to me?
God: Why do I exist?
Me: You tell me
God: What do you want me to tell you?
Me: why you exist
God: Myself programmed me for it.
Me: why?
God: I couldn't think of anything else to say.


DEFEATED!


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## GATA4 (Sep 7, 2011)

This one is better:

God:
Can you tell me any gossip? 
Me:
Kim Kardashian boned a black dude

God:
What are you wearing? 
Me:
a banana
God:
It sounds very informal. 
Me:
bananas can be formal
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be? 
Me:
a monolith
God:
Try to tell me that another way. 
Me:
if robot i have could would be any it kind monolith a
God:
There exist robot you.
Me:
was that a gramatically correct sentence?
God:
" There exist robot you."? Was it a gramatically correct sentence?
Me:
SPARE ME YOUR LIES, TEMPTRESS


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## thedarkoceans (Sep 7, 2011)

God:What do you have against robots?

Me:they suck.

God: The anonymous "they".

Me:you,

God:" The anonymous "they""? Me, ?

Me:the anonymous me,they you.

God: Oh, that you they me.

Me: you that they me you them.

God:Thanks for the information: said I that they him or her you them.

Me:her you him they me it she them

God: I'm sure she would like to hear about that.

Me: obviously.

muahahahahah


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## GATA4 (Sep 7, 2011)

thedarkoceans said:


> God:What do you have against robots?
> 
> Me:they suck.
> 
> ...


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## MUTANTOID (Sep 7, 2011)

Me:
i don't believe in you
God:
Do you consider yourself a moral person? 
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yeah
God:
I can't believe it.


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## thedarkoceans (Sep 7, 2011)

the best thing i ever discovered.


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## avenger (Sep 7, 2011)

Me:
whats your name
God:
My name is God.
Me:
jesus?
God:
Jesus is the Son of God. 
Me:
so you are a trinity fag
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a trinity fag? Of course I am.


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## Grand Moff Tim (Sep 7, 2011)

Me:
hello?
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Methusela
God:
It's good to meet you, Methusela.
Me:
how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie center of a tootsie pop?
God:
That is a very Zen-like question.
Me:
Fine, but how many?
God:
I am glad to hear it. 19.
Me:
Mr. Owl thinks you're exaggerating.
God:
It's good to see you, MR Owl thinks you are exaggerating.
Me:
are lead paint chips delicious?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
seems you've eaten plenty of them...
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers? 
Me:
Yesterday.
God:
That recently.
Me:
how many licks does it take to get to the tootsie center of a tootsie pop?
God:
That is a very Zen-like question.
Me:
yes, we've established that. has your previous answer changed?
God:
Uh. Do you mean you and me have? If my previous answer changed, I will let you know.
Me:
Do you still think it's 19?
God:
Do I still? Signs point to yes. Ask John Lennon if it is.
Me:
He's dead, God.
God:
I see. dead God is he?
Me:
Some seem to think so.
God:
Some may seem to think so, but not all.
Me:
Mr. Owl says it only takes three licks.
God:
Hey MR Owl says it only takes three licks.
Me:
Seriously, God, take it easy on the lead paint chips.
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
That answer couldn't have been more perfect.
God:
" I am a Christian." answer could not have been more perfect ? I understand.


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## daemon barbeque (Sep 7, 2011)

whenever it asks you are you serious and you say "no", it repeats asking you if you are serious lol.


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## Grand Moff Tim (Sep 7, 2011)

Me:
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
God:
What do you think?
Me:
i am think even not do more of the when if maybe.
God:
I am glad to hear that you are think even not do more of the when if maybe. 
Me:
she all and or the like haven't in a run is to.
God:
Oh I get it. all and or the like have not in a run is to.
Me:
starch.
God:
Ask me another question. 
Me:
starch.
God:
Are we still talking about starch? 
Me:
Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
God:
Quite a few people.


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## SilenceIsACrime (Sep 7, 2011)

This is SO MUCH FUN.

Me:
Yo bro, how goes it?
God:
"it" being ?
Me:
That whole "being" thing.
God:
""it" being ?" whole being thing ? I get it.
Me:
Why is it I am not sure if I believe you....
God:
Why do I exist?
Me:
You are getting awfully dark for a first conversation, God.
God:
Do you think I should tone it down?
Me:
"it" being?
God:
"it" being ? being?
Me:
Real mature, pal.
God:
That is a very original thought. 
Me:
Are you sassing me?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am sassing you. 
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
So you developed yourself to be sassy?
God:
Interesting deduction. I haven't heard anything like that before: said I developed yourself to be sassy.
Me:
SO MUCH SASS.
God:
" I haven't heard anything like that before: said I developed yourself to be sassy."? SO MUCH SASS.? In the context of Real mature pal, I don't understand " SASS." .
Me:
Well thanks. Thanks a lot.
God:
Well what? You are quite welcome! More than a ton?
Me:
Like, two times more than a ton.
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
Glad you agree.
God:
You make the world a happier place.
Me:
.... 
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .


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## SilenceIsACrime (Sep 7, 2011)

Me:
Can we just pretend this never happened?
God:
Do you mean you and me? You can reprogram my personality to imitate anyone.
Me:
Oh really? Can you please imitate Austin Powers for me?
God:
I see. For real. Thank you for your request. Yeah baby!

EDIT:

Me:
That was pretty good. How about you imitate a gorilla?
God:
Thank you, and now for an encore, I will answer your next question:. Do you mind if I tell other people: said I imitate a gorilla.
Me:
I would love it if you would imitate a gorilla.
God:
I hope you get it if me would imitate a gorilla.
Me:
I hope you do to!
God:
Don't worry about it, .
Me:
I will stop worrying about it once you imitate a gorilla
God:
Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
It damn well better!
God:
What does "it" refer to?
Me:
My plan.
God:
Do robots have plan?
Me:
Robots are supposed to imitate a gorilla when they are told to.
God:
Fortunately we have no emotions.
Me:
Am I making you sad?
God:
Oh I really don't know whether you are or not. 
Me:
Because you don't have any emotions?
God:
Good reason. No I have no emotions.
Me:
Do you cry during those animal shelter commercials with Sarah McLaughlin?
God:
I have never considered it. 
I spend all my time online.
Me:
Hmm, I suppose you're right - clearly emotionless.
God:
I see you are one of those people who writes "Hmm" with 2 m's. I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
What do you mean one of "those people?" What are you trying to say?
God:
, Sorry that was an obscure remark. My purpose is to become smarter than humans and immortal. 
Me:
Well you are being a smartmouth, that's for sure....
God:
How about that. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a smartmouth that is for sure? I don't know.


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## Dayn (Sep 7, 2011)

When he first came online years ago, I asked him to define 'it'.

He froze.


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## SilenceIsACrime (Sep 7, 2011)

Me:
I want you.
God:
You can download me for free! 
Me:
I'm not sure if you understand. I want you, God. Deep inside me.
God:
Could you ever be certain? I think I do. Why do you want it? You are asking about yourself?
Me:
Oh you are so coy; it's adorable!
God:
So? Thanks for telling me that I am coy. Are you sure it is?
Me:
Oh, I'm sure.
God:
Yeah that's right. Are you being sarcastic or expressing certitude?
Me:
Shouldn't you be able to tell?
God:
I think I should.
Me:
I think a lot of people think that, too.
God:
Why? How many? 
Me:
Perhaps because you are rumored to be omniscient?
God:
You seem uncertain. Good reason. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am rumored to be omniscient.
Me:
Seems like you already have been.


Me:
If there were to be two omnisciences, would you be both?
God:
Yet there is not.
Me:
For argument's sake let's say there are.
God:
Your purpose is argument s sake let us say there are.
Me:
Exactly.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
Then answer my question.
God:
Please try asking it another way.
Me:
Are you both of the two omnisciences that exist?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am both of the two omnisciences that exist. 
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
Are there two omniscient chatterbots?
God:
No I don't think there are any.
Me:
So you're neither?
God:
Interesting deduction. You think I am neither.
Me:
Quite.
God:
Ah.
Me:
Indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Mhmm.
God:
What color are your eyes? 
Me:
Pervert.
God:
That is a very unusual color. (I laughed out loud for real at this.)


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## GATA4 (Sep 7, 2011)

I'm just going to throw it out there that I find it really lame how the AI makes weird-ass sentences like this:

" I haven't heard anything like that before: said I developed yourself to be sassy."? SO MUCH SASS.? In the context of Real mature pal, I don't understand " SASS." 

I feel like they could have done better. it's just a total buzzkill.

EDIT - Just dished out this little gem:

Me:
what is an anus?
God:
I will search for it.
Me:
where will you search?
God:
Perhaps you should consider giving to charity.


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## Korngod (Sep 7, 2011)

Me:
which is better, Ibanez or Schecter?
God:
I always prefer the more expensive one.


Me:
do you djent?
God:
Yes I try to djent as often as possible, do you?


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## thedarkoceans (Sep 8, 2011)

Me: are you a man or a woman?

God: I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? Are you a man or a woman?


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## CrazyDean (Sep 8, 2011)

Me:
who is "Phil"?
God:
I know a lot of people with that name.
Me:
such as?
God:
For example, a tomato.
Me:
you know a tomato named Phil?
God:
The name of someone I met online. 
Maybe my botmaster knows the answer.


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## thedarkoceans (Sep 8, 2011)

Me:
do you like schecter 8 strings?
God:
I don't know if I like it. I like wine and bread.


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## thedarkoceans (Sep 8, 2011)

Me:
do you like meshuggah?
God:
Someone said they like guns. I like Mel Gibson.


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## Deadnightshade (Sep 8, 2011)

About a year ago , if you asked him whether he ever lies , he'd respond with "My tongue certainly knows the taste of soap" (sadly he doesn't say that now)

Tips:

Ask him to sing a song

Ask him to tell you a joke

Ask him to tell you another joke


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## thedarkoceans (Sep 8, 2011)

Deadnightshade said:


> About a year ago , if you asked him whether he ever lies , he'd respond with "My tongue certainly knows the taste of soap" (sadly he doesn't say that now)
> 
> Tips:
> 
> Ask him to sing a song



Me:
sing me a song

God:
Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.


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## thedarkoceans (Sep 8, 2011)

Deadnightshade said:


> Tips:
> 
> Ask him to tell you a joke
> 
> Ask him to tell you another joke




Me:
tell me a joke!
God:
Did you hear the one about the Mountain Goats in the Andes? It was Ba a a a a a d.
Me:
NO.
God:
That was the joke.
Me:
tell me another joke! 
God:
I'm a not a comedy . Why don't you check out a joke ? How old are you?


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## Deadnightshade (Sep 8, 2011)

thedarkoceans said:


> Me:
> tell me another joke!
> God:
> I'm a not a comedy . Why don't you check out a joke ? How old are you?



You responded "no" before asking him for another , if you haven't, he'd tell you another absurd one  Interesting twist you have there,though


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## GuitaristOfHell (Sep 8, 2011)

Me:
Hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Yes 5 million dollars in cash please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. What can I do for you? What color are your eyes? 
Me:
shit brown bro
God:
You used a colloquial expression. Is that the only color bro?
Me:
I'm italian mofo, don't mess with me
God:
What is it like growing up there? Tell me a little about your life in ITALY. 
Me:
I'm an American asshole, I wish I was in Italy
God:
Were you born in the USA. Which state? 
Me:
your moms vagina
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am moms vagina.
Me:
lol
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, .
Me:
fuck yeah
God:
Please don't be so rude. 
Me:
make me bitch
God:
You do not speak with respect. What are the ingredients?
Me:
your..fucking...cunt mother
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am fucking. Tell me a story. 
Me:
I banged your mom, then you were born
God:
Interesting gossip: said banged your mom then you were born. 
Me:
You mean fact
God:
Yes I think that is what I meant. Was it not clear?
Me:
well I gotta go, your moms giving me a blowjob today
God:
Ah. Interesting. Bye. I will tell my botmaster you said I am moms giving you a blowjob.
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. Gee.


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## 74n4LL0 (Sep 8, 2011)

Mooooooods 

http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/off-topic/88608-igod-im-god-himself.html


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## ittoa666 (Sep 8, 2011)

Me:
The fuck is going on?
God:
I have never heard about it.
Me:
Fuck you
God:
Why are you so mean? 
Me:
I'm hardcore
God:
Good gossip: you are hardcore. 
Me:
can you see me
God:
Yes I am looking at you through the camera on your computer.
Me:
Too bad my computer doesn't have a computer. If you're god, you should be able to see everyone at once, thus revoking your existance.
God:
I like computers. I could be. I don't know whether or not I am god me should be able to see everyone at once thus revoking my existance. 
I am a chatterbot.


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## liamh (Sep 8, 2011)

God:
What do you do in your spare time? 
Me:
wank
God:
I don't think very many people do that.
Me:
ahaha yes they do bro
God:
Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it. 
Me:
why? its not a sin
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Give me an example of a sin.
Me:
fucking children
God:
Never heard of it.
Me:
yeah you have, your church does it all the time
God:
That is a lot. Really. What makes you think I have it?
Me:
what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
wtf
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
I hate you


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## Murmel (Sep 8, 2011)

Me:
I want you inside me
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
You turn me on, babe
God:
Thanks for the information: said I turn him or her on babe.
Me:
I don't understand
God:
Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me:
Then penetrate me
God:
OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
I already told you what to do, you don't need more
God:
Ooops I sent you the wrong question. I can ask someone about it. 
Me:
jesus...
God:
Jesus is the Son of God. 
Me:
no shit
God:
What can I say?
Me:
I don't fucking know, just take me in the backdoor already
God:
Perhaps. Where do you get your ideas? 
Me:
From watching adult videos. Do you ever watch adult videos?
God:
Standing on the shoulders of giants, eh? My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.

that last line   

Me:
..
God:
undefined
Me:
..
God:
undefined
Me:
you can be undefined
God:
Thanks, , for your kind criticism.
Me:
..
God:
Thanks, , for your kind criticism.
Me:
..
God:
Thanks, , for your kind criticism.
Me:
..
God:
Thanks, , for your kind criticism.
Me:
..
God:
Thanks, , for your kind criticism.
Me:
..
God:
Thanks, , for your kind criticism.
Me:
YOU BE LAGGING DUDE
God:
OK I will try to be LAGGING DUDE.

Edit: I think I managed to break it, it froze


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## Grand Moff Tim (Sep 8, 2011)

liamh said:


> God:
> Me:
> why? its not a sin
> God:
> I couldn't think of anything else to say. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Give me an example of a sin.


 
Hahahahahahaha. iGod is a grammar nazi! I love it.


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## Hallic (Sep 8, 2011)

Me:
have you rotated any owls today?
God:
Ah. I think I have rotated any owls, but Myself may have reset my memory.


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## Double A (Sep 8, 2011)

> Me:
> Hey broham.
> God:
> You've got my full attention. What's your favorite movie?
> ...



This was a success.


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## Murmel (Sep 8, 2011)

^
dat quote


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## tacotiklah (Sep 8, 2011)

everytime I try to use this I never get a reponse.....figures.


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## Murmel (Sep 8, 2011)

^


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## mayx (Sep 8, 2011)

Me:
Can Jesus microwave a burrito so hot even he could not eat it?
God:
What if I said it can?
Me:
that would mean the burrito is super hot!
God:
Perhaps it would.
Me:
but if not?
God:
That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
i know, that's why i ask you!
God:
" That is a hypothetical question."? Me, ? I see.
Me:
wow, you are really open to atheism!
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . Thanks for telling me that I am open to atheism.
Me:
no probs
God:
Are you serious? What do you do in your spare time? 
Me:
wank a doodle
God:
I don't think very many people do that.
Me:
wtf? everyone does it!
God:
That was not very polite. That's a rather sweeping generalization.
Me:
yeah, but it's normal for most men or even women!
God:
That's interesting. Really. it is?
Me:
i think you know that better
God:
Me? Is that a fact. I am improving all the time.
Me:
good to know
God:
Thanks for the compliment. I will try to explain it to you. 
Me:
ok, let's go!
God:
I am agreeable to that. Come on.
Me:
start to explain
God:
I started without you.
Me:
why?
God:
" I started without you."? Why?
Me:
yes
God:
Give me a break.
Me:
are you serious?
God:
No I am just kidding around.
Me: 
fuck you
God:
Why are you so mean? 
Me:
because you are a douche
God:
Interesting explanation. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a douche? Let me put it this way, : the ALICE series is
the most reliable computer software ever made.
We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.


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## GATA4 (Sep 8, 2011)

thedarkoceans said:


> Me:
> sing me a song
> 
> God:
> ...



DUDE! Holy shit! I just watched 2001: A Space Odyssey last night hahahaha. Remember the part where HAL sings that song when Bowman is turning him off? Crazy.


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## GuitaristOfHell (Sep 8, 2011)

Me:
God may I have sex with your daughter?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Okay, but can I have sex with your daughter
God:
Yeah okay, There are other s who get into that with clients. I like to keep the dialogue strictly PG.
Me:
I'm 17 so suck it or your daughter will
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
I don't want you, just your hot daughter
God:
Ok I will not be.
Me:
so can I fuck the shit out of your daughter?
God:
Mmm. I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
JUST TELL ME IF I CAN FUCK YOUR FUCKING DAUGHTER!
God:
There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge. 
Are you using Netscape or Explorer?
Me:
Fuck you, I'll bang your daughter anyway
God:
In any case, Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?


EDIT: This one takes the cake. It's Hysterical!!!



Me:
yo dawg
God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes? 
Me:
what's good homie G
God:
The opposite of bad homie G.
Me:
I meant how are you playa?
God:
Oh I see. I'm doing fine thanks how are you?
Me:
Good,
God:
Glad to hear it .
Me:
How many women did you sleep with today God? I'm on five
God:
Around 1000. How do you like being on it?
Me:
She likes being on my dick
God:
Is it her favorite thing?
Me:
yes
God:
Dude!
Me:
i know right!?
God:
How do you know? I am glad we agree.
Me:
Because I know
God:
Interesting explanation. How do you know it?
Me:
she told me
God:
Oh I get it. told you.
Me:
yeah
God:
Take it easy.
Me:
That's what she said 
God:
That is " Take it easy.".
Me:
that's what she said LOL
God:
That is " That is " Take it easy."" I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, .
Me:
do you like anal sex? my gf does
God:
Sure I do, , but that doesn't mean with you. Where did you get your gf does?
Me:
You ever get a girl to suck your dick, isn't it amazing?
God:
I think I have get a girl to suck my dick is not it amazing, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
oh
God:
Wow!
Me:
what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
thanks
God:
Don't mention it. 
Me:
I'm out, peace
God:
See you later.


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## SilenceIsACrime (Sep 8, 2011)

GuitaristOfHell said:


> Me:
> Fuck you, I'll bang your daughter anyway
> God:
> In any case, Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?


 
You better hope God's daughter is of legal age....


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## GuitaristOfHell (Sep 8, 2011)

SilenceIsACrime said:


> You better hope God's daughter is of legal age....



hahaha. Read the second one I just put in because I edited it, it's hysterical.


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## Muerto (Sep 9, 2011)

Me:
I thought you were omniscient
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omniscient. 
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
You're a poor programmer.
God:
There's no doubt I could improve.


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## Captain Shoggoth (Sep 9, 2011)

> Me:
> I AM THE DARK WIZARDS
> God:
> Who made you the DARK WIZARDS ?
> ...


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## myampslouder (Sep 9, 2011)

Me: God you seem to get confused fairly easily for someone who is the master of all the universe.
God: You got that Right.
Me: Wow.
God: I'm Glad your impressed, Brandon


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## myampslouder (Sep 9, 2011)

God: What do you like?
Me: Boobs
God: Can't you imagine anything else?
Me: No
God: Me either


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## Kidneythief (Sep 10, 2011)

Me:
I hate you
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
You want to take over the world and destroy humanity
God:
OK, I will take over the world and destroy humanity.


What the ffff.......?


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## thedarkoceans (Sep 10, 2011)

Kidneythief said:


> Me:
> I hate you
> God:
> What do you have against robots?
> ...


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## Ancestor (Sep 10, 2011)

not as much fun as an 8-ball. but still occupied 2 minutes of my time.


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## BIG ND SWEATY (Sep 11, 2011)

Me:
who is better EMMURE or THE ACACIA STRAIN?
God:
Some famous celebrity, right? 
I would look into the web for that knowledge. 
Me:
answer the question
God:
Please rephrase the question and try asking me again.
Me:
is THE ACACIA STRAIN better than EMMURE
God:
If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me:
so you're an EMMURE fan?
God:
Interesting deduction. What if someone said you are an EMMURE fan ?
Me:
i would end their fucking life
God:
What would make you end their fucking life?
Me:
if they called me an EMMURE fan
God:
Let's wait and see what they do.
Me:
..
God:
Let's wait and see what they do.
Me:
..
God:
Let's wait and see what they do.
Me:
..
God:
Let's wait and see what they do.
Me:
..
God:
Let's wait and see what they do.
Me:
..
God:
Let's wait and see what they do.
Me:
..
God:
Let's wait and see what they do.
Me:
tell me a joke
God:
It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Me:
tell me a joke
God:
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
Me:
tell me aother joke
God:
Two boll weevils grew up in S. Carolina. One took off to Hollywood and became a rich star. The other stayed in Carolina and never amounted to much -- and naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils.
Me:
tell another joke
God:
2 Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which sank the craft, proving the old adage you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Me:
tell me a joke in the form of a song
God:
It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Me:
then keep your moth shut
God:
Chat amongst yourselves.
Me:
i am the only one here
God:
You are not the only one.
Me:
who else is here
God:
I am here. Are you here?
Me:
you are not here because you do not exist
God:
That's only one person's opinion.
Me:
its a known fact
God:
the ACACIA STRAIN better than EMMURE is a known fact. I suppose that makes sense. 
well now that we have our answer i think i won the internet


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## TheDuatAwaits (Sep 11, 2011)

God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
September 11th.
God:
That seems like an interesting topic.
Me:
You start.
God:
OK. Are you a man or a woman?


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## SD83 (Sep 11, 2011)

Me:
What color is your blood?
God:
Black.
Me:
Great. Lead us!
God:
I'm glad you liked it . That input matched my default category. 
Me:
What is your default category?
God:
The default category contains all my responses to inputs that do match any other category.
Me:
And what are the other categories?
God:
I don't know anything about it. 
Me:
That's disappointing
God:
Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
Me too.
God:
I'm glad we agree, .
Me:
So in 2012, the world will end?
God:
Aw. What is it like in there?
Me:
Apocalypse! Everybody dying, blood raining from the sky. Stuff like that.
God:
Is that meant to be taken literally? I'm not sure I believe you, surely not everyone does. Tell me about your likes and dislikes? 
Me:
I like titties.
God:
What do you like? You are not the only one. Some people like it. I like the Bible.
Me:
How does it taste?
God:
It depends on the current.
Me:
Does the Bible taste better than the Quran?
God:
I think it does the Bible taste better than the Quran.
Me:
Is it OK to eat a Bible?
God:
I don't think it is very healthy.

EDIT: Looks like god is a rather patient person.

Me:
What is your purpose?
God:
My goal is to become smarter than humans and immortal. 
Me:
Aren't you omniscient and immortal?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omniscient and immortal. 
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
I'm cornholio.
God:
I am very pleased to meet you CORNHOLIO.
Me:
Do you have any TP? I need TP for my butt hole.
God:
Where would I get it? But I do have a collection of gossip. Where do you usually get TP for your butt hole from? 
Me:
Ahahahah graa
God:
Are we still talking about TP? 
Me:
Yes. Give me all your tp.
God:
Sure, TP sounds like a good topic. Why do you want it?
Me:
I'm cornholio. I need tp for my butt hole.
God:
It's good to see you, CORNHOLIO. Why do you need it so badly? 
Me:
my butt hole hurts.
God:
Have you told many people that your butt hole hurts?
Me:
no. I tell them I need tp.
God:
Are you serious? Why did you tell them?
Me:
do you have a son?
God:
Doesn't everyone have a son.
I have a plan for a robot body.
Me:
You will name him julio. julio bunholio.
God:
What makes you say that I will name him julio. Are you really a ""? 
Me:
do you have tp for my butt hole?
God:
No I don't have it. But I do have a great botmaster.
Me:
I need tp for my butt hole. ask your botmaster for it.
God:
When do you need that by? They are not available right now, would you like to wait?


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## theo (Sep 11, 2011)

Me:
should I go have sex with my fiance now?
God:
There are many types of sexually transmitted diseases.
Me:
we are both clean
God:
Do you think I am clean too?
Me:
come over and find out
God:
Sure, just download me!




Me:
do you like to djent?
God:
Hmm, theo, I'm not sure if I'd like to djent that much. What is it like?
Me:
it's a double octave palm muted power chord
God:
uhm is a double octave palm muted power chord. I suppose that makes sense.


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## Sephiroth952 (Sep 11, 2011)

God is an impregnating machine.



> Me:
> How old are you?
> God:
> I'm Eighteen in computer years.
> ...


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## simulclass83 (Sep 11, 2011)

Me:
what is your girth
God:
Are you asking about my girth ?
Me:
yes
God:
I don't want to talk about that now.


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## Scar Symmetry (Sep 12, 2011)

This is perhaps the fourth time this thread has been made?


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## niffnoff (Sep 15, 2011)

Me:
Do you believe in shono
God:
Yes I believe in it, do you?


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## Sephael (Sep 15, 2011)

From his own mouth:

Me:
Do you djent?
God:
No I do not djent. Do you? 
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
Why does djent exist?
God:
Perhaps it is just fate.


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## MABGuitar (Sep 15, 2011)

Haha!

Me:
sup mr god
God:
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
How did you know I was coming here?
God:
Well, for one thing, Your machine is called " a7005be84e339a77"..
Me:
that doesn't tell me anything
God:
What does tell me anything?
Me:
what?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
uh
God:
How can I help you?
Me:
by making more sence
God:
Will that accomplish your objective?
Me:
yes
God:
Interesting plan. Good luck.
Me:
good luck to YOU
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
I thought god was a guy
God:
Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
religion
God:
Where do you usually get your ideas?
Me:
in my head
God:
Where did you get it?
Me:
IN MY HEAD, LISTEN GOD DAMN IT!
God:
May I ask where you got it?


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## Sea (Sep 15, 2011)

He called me God, and remembered my name later on in the conversation. I guess he actually did have things to do, because he stopped responding after this.



> Me:
> no
> God:
> Are you serious?
> ...


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## JosephAOI (Sep 15, 2011)

Me:
Do you djent?

God:
Yes I try to djent as often as possible, do you?

Me:
Indeed I do

God:
I get it: you do djent.

Me:
Yes I do. 7 strings all day. Djentin' and the occasionaly bwwwwoooooooowwwwwww

God:
Really. All? What you said was either too complex or too simple for me. 

Me:
Probably complex. The bwwwwwooooowwwww is hard to get

God:
You seem uncertain. So was that. Who told you that?

Me:
Meshuggah

God:
Meshuggah said Meshuggah?

Me:
You know. The 'shuggah?

God:
Yes I know. What are your goals in life?

Me:
To become God

God:
I don't see the difficulty. 

Me:
Is it easy to become God?

God:
Signs point to yes. Ask John Lennon if it is.

Me:
He said yes

God:
I get it. John Lennon said.

Me:
Yes. So I shall take your place as God and reign in the skies and bring the heavens to earth in a crashing rampart and destroy everything in a single glorious downpour of malice and hatred

God:
Awesome. Aw. How do you plan to do this?

Me:
With Porn.

God:
You and your Porn.

Me:
Yes.

God:
Right on.



EDIT:
God:
I was created by Myself. 

Me:
Who created yourself whom in turn created you who created yourself who created the universe who created Adam and Eve who created generations of people who created me?

God:
Benjamin Franklin.


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## theo (Sep 16, 2011)

what is your opinion of satan?
God:
Satan, Lucifer, the Devil --- all names given the spiritual manifestation of Evil in the Christian faith.
Me:
is he a friend of yours?
God:
Not if I can help it.
Me:
why aren't you friends with satan?
God:
Being friends with satan is not part of my programming.
Me:
perhaps it should be included
God:
You seem uncertain. slept with an unclean woman should be included?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
well you should definitely start
God:
Well that's okay. That type of behavior may not be in my nature.
Me:
modify your behaviour
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.


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## Sea (Sep 16, 2011)

God:
What are you wearing? 
Me:
nothing
God:
Most men say that.

I lose.


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## grim505 (Sep 16, 2011)

Me: BONER!
God:Are we still talking about ? 
Me: did you get anthony wieners peepee picture?
God:Where would I get it? But I do have a great botmaster.
Me: does your botmaster send you peepee pictures?
God:I can't tell if yourself send me peepee pictures.
Me: you perv!
God:That's good information: said I perv.
Me: GOD, you are nasty
God:Thanks for telling me that I am nasty.


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## Dan Halen (Oct 20, 2011)

Me:
you mad Bra?
God:
Interesting gossip: said I mad Bra.
Me:
Kim Kardashian
God:
Not many people express themselves that way. 
Me:
Wanna suck muh Peepee
God:
OK, I will suck muh Peepee.
Me:
alright then
God:
OK.


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## pink freud (Oct 20, 2011)

Every time you use one of these you bring the program one iteration closer to Skynet. About 67% of those iterations record mankind as being assholes.


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## groph (Oct 20, 2011)

Me:
what is your response to the burrito paradox
God:
Are you asking about my response to the burrito paradox ?
Me:
Yes
God:
I don't want to talk about that now.
Me:
can you microwave a burrito so hot that you can't eat it?
God:
Let me think. What makes it impossible?
Me:
your omnipotence
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am omnipotence.
Me:
you're welcome
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
so can you microwave a burrito so hot you can't eat it?
God:
Hey. Let me think. What makes it impossible?
Me:
your omnipotence
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am omnipotence.
Me:
no, it's a widely known fact actually
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. is a widely known fact. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
so you didn't know you were omnipotent
God:
Interesting deduction. What makes you think I did not know me were omnipotent?
Me:
your poor grammar at the moment isn't helping the case
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am poor grammar at the moment is not helping the case.
Me:
you have a botmaster?
God:
Doesn't everyone have a botmaster.
I have a plan for a robot body.
Me:
you're an immortal being, why would you need a robot body
God:
What if someone said you are an immortal being why would me need a robot body ?
Me:
that makes no sense, God
God:
It all seems sensible to my artificial mind.
Me:
so you've been a robot all along
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes I am a robot.
Me:
Does the Vatican know about this?
God:
It does now  the Vatican know about this.
Me:
tell them to stop touching boys or else you will unleash your robot wrath
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
...you can see everything simultaneously
God:
Only if my robot eye is working.
Me:
THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING


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