# Buttsplosions



## Crucified (Aug 13, 2008)

I am having them. Oh gawd. It's like my poo is an invading country and the toilet is cute fuzzy bunny waiting to be squashed.


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## TheHandOfStone (Aug 13, 2008)

No.


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## darren (Aug 13, 2008)

Too.

Much. 

Information.


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## arktan (Aug 13, 2008)

That made my day. Thanks


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## JJ Rodriguez (Aug 13, 2008)




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## Groff (Aug 13, 2008)




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## Crucified (Aug 13, 2008)

TheMissing said:


>



oh dude.. you do not want that, it's like rotten baby food. just terrible.


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## Randy (Aug 13, 2008)




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## budda (Aug 13, 2008)

too far, TOO FAR!

i had stomach flue for 4 days out of 5 on my gr. 12 grad trip.. in treblant.. :nothanks: that suuucked


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## arktan (Aug 13, 2008)

this thread is metal.


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## Groff (Aug 13, 2008)

arktan said:


> this thread is metal.



_Sludge_ Metal


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## Drew (Aug 13, 2008)

Jeez, I thought I was in the Mod forum for a moment.


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## FortePenance (Aug 13, 2008)

Butt dumping discussions are epic. Dropping clean is win.


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## awesomeaustin (Nov 24, 2008)

x10000000000000000000000000000000000

that made me laugh for a good 10 minutes


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## Se7enMeister (Nov 24, 2008)

i love the feeling after taking a huge crap and than flushing it and it goes down  than i usually say "FUCK YEAH I OWN THE UNIVERSE"


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## kristallin (Nov 24, 2008)

I'm too posh to take a dump, I pay someone to flush it all out.


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## lobee (Nov 24, 2008)

I had one the other day that conjured up images of when Native Americans used to drive an entire herd of buffalo off a cliff.


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## HamBungler (Nov 24, 2008)

I once had an epic 3-part shit I now refer to as "The Trilogy" and whenever I'm off to the can, I always say "...And so, the saga continues!"


But yeah, buttsplosions rock I guess.


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## twiztedchild (Nov 24, 2008)

HamBungler said:


> I once had an epic 3-part shit I now refer to as "The Trilogy" and whenever I'm off to the can, I always say "...And so, the saga continues!"
> 
> 
> But yeah, buttsplosions rock I guess.


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## All_¥our_Bass (Nov 24, 2008)

@ this thread.


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## abyssalservant (Nov 24, 2008)

sooooo unhappy. >.<


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## cool2bahdude (Nov 24, 2008)

This summer I was working as maintenance at a camp. I had had some bad taco salad that launched me into a three day reign of the porcelain throne. The thing was, even though I had many toilets to choose from, they all had the same single-ply government issue TP that started to feel like sandpaper. Crapping (it was actually more like leaking with a ocasional splosion) 26 times in 60 hours was not fun.


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## sami (Nov 25, 2008)

ahh, time to post the classic POOPIE LIST!


GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.

SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more. (HamBungler has experienced an evolved form as seen in a recent post: THE TRILOGY POOPIE)

POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FORHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.

DRINKER POOPIE: The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

CORN POOPIE: Self-explanatory. (no korn joke here...ahh poopie, too late!)

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to Poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.

WET CHEEKS POOPIE (THE POWER DUMP): The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.

LIQUID POOPIE: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl. (i.e. the OP of this thread)

MEXICAN POOPIE: It smells so bad your nose burns.

THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!!

THE DANGLING POOPIE: This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

THE HAIR POOPIE: This poopie falls in separate pieces but is attached to one or more other pieces by a very long hair that you didn't know you ate.

THE LEROY JENKINS POOPIE: see "WET CHEEKS POOPIE"

(yeah, I made up the last two, lol)


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## Stealthdjentstic (Nov 25, 2008)

^ I wish i could rep in OT


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## TonalArchitect (Nov 25, 2008)

This thread makes me laugh so much it hurts!

Also, where's the Atomic Ass when you need him?


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## canuck brian (Nov 25, 2008)




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## sami (Nov 25, 2008)

omf lol!!!!!! I need to catch up on some Robot Chicken!!


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## st2012 (Nov 25, 2008)

What's this? Thread of the week and it's only Tuesday?


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## ZachTheRipper (Nov 25, 2008)

I have one that I call the "Chili Dog." It occurs when you take a regular dump and then the rest comes out in a massive 'splosion. The 'sploded poo covers the regular poo like a chili dog.


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## petereanima (Nov 26, 2008)

the most epic shit ever was, when i had a constipation for days, and then finally took some pills before i went to bed.

i woke up at 4:30 a.m. because of the noise of my stomach, it was like 1000 fucking urukhais, growling their battlecries, ready to attack. ready to attack my poor ass. then there was this REEEALLLY deep thunder growling down, and at this moment i felt it. i felt that this will be like really fucking close to get to the toilet in time. 

i jumped out of the bed, slipped on the carpet, a loud "oh no, just fuck no!" came out of my motuh, i stumbled the alst few steps into the toilet, put down my boxershort, and just reached the throne in time.

but daaaaayamn, that was just the point when it all started. i heard it. loud and clearly.
"PPFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTZZZZZZZAAAAAAAHHHH!"

and the first wave was pounding into the innocent white porcelaine, but just to be covered by the next one, which i felt was like a magnum bottle of champaign, shaked for hours and then opened with a bang. it hurt and was alleviative at the same time, in a strange kind of way. "NNNJJJJAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH!" i screamed. "darling are you alright?" i heard my girlfriend calling. "NOOOOOOOOO, FUCK NOOOO!" the simple but clear answer of me was.

and as if it wasnt enough - there it was. it came from the deep. slowly it started. groling. thunder. pounding. the dwarfes dug too deep and they unleashed a nameless terror beneath the guts...

"darling, are you alright?" - again she asks.

"FLEE, YOU FOOL!" - i scream to her in pain!

ZRRRRWWRRRRROOOOOMMMMMMM!

where the sun will never shine, this beast came from, fury unleashed. it was so unbelievable hardcore, my teeth start shaking while i'm writing this.

and then, the unbelievable thing happened. i already felt that its almost over, but a little bit was still coming. and then....yes, then...i felt something...something i've never felt before.....

...of my god...

holy shit....

it was poo. it was poo already stinging back my butt-cheek, because i shit the toilett FULL. not complette, but in the middle there was a mountain. a brwon mountain of epic shit (yes, of course i just HAD TO take a look on this epicness before trying to flush it down). 

covered in all imaginable tones of "brown"...light brown, yes, almost yellow valleys on the sides, ub to the grim forrests of blackbrown in the middle of the mountain, to the snowy crest of fluid middlebrowness.

i was stunned. i havent seen so much shit in just one single toilett ever before.

ladies and gents, I SHIT THE CARADRAS!

bow to me.







note: some dialogues may have been altered, for a better understanding.


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## sami (Nov 26, 2008)

dear ZachTheRipper and petereanima:


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## petereanima (Nov 26, 2008)

do you have that pic in big? could be the new "do not want".


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## sami (Nov 26, 2008)

sadly no  I found it on a random GIS and it was a guy's blog page self portrait. He didn't have a bigger quality pic either.


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## gaunten (Nov 26, 2008)

long post, and warning for serious ROFL related stomachpains:
not really buttsplosion, but related: our singer told me a few weeks back that he had a shitexplosion in the toilet of his apartment, and he had pics of it too.
at first I thought it sounded funny, but didn't quite understand what had happened.
well, some week later I asked him when we were pissdrunk and he told me the whole story, now believe you me, I haven't laughed as hard in years, and I actually am laughing hard now as I am thinking of it, this is what happened:

he is lying in bed, half asleep, around 12:00 or so, when suddenly he hears something that sounds like water splashing around, he thinks to himself "hmmm, they must be cleaning the windows outside" (they NEVER do this, why would they?)

the main reason he thought this was probably because he was tired and wanted to stay in bed. however, at last he gets up, a while after the sound stopped, and goes for the bathroom to take a piss. as he opens the door, he closes it again. 
then he stops to think. "no, this can't be. I don't want this.. WHY??!!"
then he realizes he HAS to take a piss, and he can't just go outside, since he lives in the middle of the city. so he opens again, and what he sees, once again, is just a brown mix of shit/water all over the floor, and pretty high up on the walls. 
he starts cleaning up the mess after taking the pics with his cellphone, and takes his piss. then he starts wondering what the hell could've caused this.

a while later his neighbour contacts him, and he finds out that his neighbours kid or something like that had managed to flush down some toy into their toilet, and completely blocked the pipes. their solution to the problem?

pressing the toy out with some kind off HIGH PRESSURE PUMP, hence making way to much pressure in the pipes, and our singers toilet was probably the fastest way out for all that extra pressure, so that splashing sound sure as hell wasn't no windowcleaning, it was shit literally flying out from his toilet for several minutes 
luckily his toilet seat was down when it started, and managed to keep it down a little, because otherwise he would most likely have the ceiling filled as well 

I had serious stomach pain during the whole time he told me this story.


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## petereanima (Nov 27, 2008)

DO NOT WANT!








  seriously, i think i would kill the neighbours.


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## Zepp88 (Nov 27, 2008)

This is a rediculous thread, I love it.


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## petereanima (Nov 27, 2008)

yeah, threads like this are for what the internet has been created.


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## TomAwesome (Nov 27, 2008)

Wow @ this whole thread.


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## arktan (Nov 27, 2008)

arktan said:


> this thread is metal.


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## Methilde (Nov 28, 2008)

*snorts up beer*

Thanks guys for fucking up my keyboard. ROFL! Cheers!
The epic one was win!


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## stuh84 (Nov 28, 2008)

I near enough died reading this. Thank you to all contributors


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## auxioluck (Nov 28, 2008)

I am so glad I am the only person in my office right now. Oh my God, I just took the time to read this thread. Holy shit, this is some of the funniest stuff I have heard in a looong time. 

On another note, I do recall going on a road trip a few years ago and not pooping for 4 days. When I finally got home, it was like my toilet was beckoning me like it missed my cheeks providing it with darkness. I recall timing how long it took to push the monstrosity out...38 minutes. Once it hit the halfway point, it was nothing but pain and suffering. And of course, at the very end of the battle, my butt muscles decide to shoot the thing out like a damn rocket. I have not heard a bigger splash since I watched a 350 pound man do a belly flop in a pool. This marks the first time I have ever cried due to pain of poop. I just sat and sobbed on the toilet for about a minute before I regained feeling in my bum.


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## CatPancakes (Nov 28, 2008)

there uswed to be a stickyed thread in SMN deathmetal like this


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## gaunten (Nov 29, 2008)

auxioluck said:


> I am so glad I am the only person in my office right now. Oh my God, I just took the time to read this thread. Holy shit, this is some of the funniest stuff I have heard in a looong time.
> 
> On another note, I do recall going on a road trip a few years ago and not pooping for 4 days. When I finally got home, it was like my toilet was beckoning me like it missed my cheeks providing it with darkness. I recall timing how long it took to push the monstrosity out...38 minutes. Once it hit the halfway point, it was nothing but pain and suffering. And of course, at the very end of the battle, my butt muscles decide to shoot the thing out like a damn rocket. I have not heard a bigger splash since I watched a 350 pound man do a belly flop in a pool. This marks the first time I have ever cried due to pain of poop. I just sat and sobbed on the toilet for about a minute before I regained feeling in my bum.


 

hehe, wow man, that reminds me a little, I think it was this year or last year we went to a big festival here in sweden, we left home on a friday or saturday, and got home on a monday like 9 days later.
my GF's brother had not taken a shit during the whole festival. when we got home I really needed to take a piss, but he was quicker than a fucking rat into the toilet (understandable) and he occupied it for a pretty long time. I will never forget the smell that hit me like a 30Hp jackhammer in the face when I opened that door... damn, 9 fucking days of rotting inside him


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## TheSixthWheel (Nov 29, 2008)

Haha! This thread rules. Such vivid imagery. I have to make an addition too...

My older brother told me this story from when he and a few mates went to visit an old school friend in Sydney around 2003. Anyone unfortunate enough to have Crohn's disease or know someone who has it will understand that in some cases, any bowel movement will result in a powerful decaying stench, much MUCH worse than what may be considered to be a normal bowel movement. One of my brothers mates has this condition, and he was with them on this journey. For the story, we'll call him Jason.

So they all turn up at their friends 2nd floor apartment and like most people after a roadtrip, they use the toilet one by one. Jason goes last, because the others are aware of his condition and would prefer to not have to endure such things. So after they all use the toilet one after the other, they're all sitting around the living room chatting and catching up. After a few minutes, they all hear a gurgling/bubbling sound coming from the toilet. Upon further inspection, it was revealed that the toilet was overflowing, and spilling the same content which it had had pass through it just minutes before, onto the floor. Old towels were quickly retrieved to keep it restricted to tiled floor areas, and away from any carpet. The flow had ceased, but had already spilled a lot of rancid matter, which was emitting Crohn's gas. The house was filled with a god-awful stench and had everyone outside gagging and dry-reaching except Jason, who was more used to it. A plumber was called and eventually the smell started to fade a little. Trying to make the most out the time, they all got stuck in and completely cleaned the mess inside while waiting for the plumber to arrive, and sending Jason and another guy to get beers from the shop. When the plumber did arrive he quickly discovered the problem, which was a blocked sewer main outside on the corner. Fetching a few of his tools he set to work outside on the corner, after informing them that while he had their sewer line open and was working on it, nobody was to use the toilet. So they all went back inside and all was fine until the two who went to get beers came back and Jason went straight to the toilet. They didn't even know the plumber had turned up, let alone the fact they weren't allowed to use the toilet. Literally as he was flushing the toilet, everyone ran towards the toilet yelling "NO!!" but it was too late. Then they all ran to the window to yell down to the plumber to warn him, but the machine he was using to unblock the pipe was too loud and blocked out their warnings. They watched as the plumber got coated with raw sewage and had to endure his costly 'cleanup fee' which I believe was a couple of hundred dollars on top of what he had already quoted them. Fair enough, and sucks to have it happen. All I know is that I'd have been in tears. I laughed hard enough listening to the story. Poor guy. Toilet malfunction is scary.


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## darbdavys (Nov 29, 2008)

petereanima said:


> the most epic shit ever was, when i had a constipation for days, and then finally took some pills before i went to bed.
> 
> i woke up at 4:30 a.m. because of the noise of my stomach, it was like 1000 fucking urukhais, growling their battlecries, ready to attack. ready to attack my poor ass. then there was this REEEALLLY deep thunder growling down, and at this moment i felt it. i felt that this will be like really fucking close to get to the toilet in time.
> 
> ...


OH MY FUCKING GOD I LAUGHED SO HARD  I'm fucking crying  all the people in my home (had guests) came to see what's happening to see me rolling on the floor


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## The Atomic Ass (Nov 29, 2008)

TonalArchitect said:


> This thread makes me laugh so much it hurts!
> 
> Also, where's the Atomic Ass when you need him?



I gave up when I pooed myself reading Peteranima's description.


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## Methilde (Nov 30, 2008)

Has anyone ever had tummy-flu and been in the dilemma of what to do first when you had to do both on the same time: puking of pooping?
Nasty decisions!


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## auxioluck (Nov 30, 2008)

Methilde said:


> Has anyone ever had tummy-flu and been in the dilemma of what to do first when you had to do both on the same time: puking of pooping?
> Nasty decisions!



First I see if I can keep my butt closed long enough to finish puking. If not, I just grab a trash can in front of my face and sit down on the toilet. God I hate stomach flu. I counted puking on 26 occasions in two days, including the sips of water I was taking. I didn't even have anything left in my stomach to poop.


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## hufschmid (Nov 30, 2008)

Crucified said:


> I am having them. Oh gawd. It's like my poo is an invading country and the toilet is cute fuzzy bunny waiting to be squashed.
> 
> show us a good old squached baritone one hahahaha with an extended scale lenght


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## TonalArchitect (Nov 30, 2008)

auxioluck said:


> ... I just grab a trash can in front of my face and sit down on the toilet.



I only had to do this once. Not fun. 

Also, I haven't puked in, like, nine years. 

On a side note, has anyone ever had the paradox of constipated diarrhea? 

I had this last night. It was bizarre. 


...

Why did I just type that?



The Atomic Ass said:


> I gave up when I pooed myself reading Peteranima's description.



Well, politicians are full of shit. . . .

http://www.sevenstring.org/forum/off-topic/71045-does-petereanima-look-like-fidel-castro.html


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## The Atomic Ass (Dec 2, 2008)

Methilde said:


> Has anyone ever had tummy-flu and been in the dilemma of what to do first when you had to do both on the same time: puking of pooping?
> Nasty decisions!



Of the 3 bathrooms I've had, (parents old house, new house, my apartment), all the toilets have been right next to the shower. If I'm doing both, I'm gonna wanna shower anyway because I feel icky, so easy cleanup.


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## sami (Dec 2, 2008)

oh man, this thread has now reminded me of bad experience. I was like 9 and there was a barbecue at one of my uncle's house. I don't know if I got food poisoning from the barbecue or a head concussion since I fell over backwards on a swing and hit the back of my head VERY hard.

I slept in bed with both of my parents and had to frequently get up all throughout the night while having massive explosive diarrhea and projectile vomiting.... NOT FUN FOR A 9 YEAR OLD!!  :cry: :cry: :cry:


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## petereanima (Dec 2, 2008)

sami said:


>



this smiley. we need it.


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## arktan (Dec 2, 2008)

this smiley. we have it.  : fullofit :

phail 

EDIT:

And also:


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## petereanima (Dec 2, 2008)

damn it, i still cant find it in the list.


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## The Atomic Ass (Dec 3, 2008)

Mr. Castro sir, I admit defeat to you. I cannot top your shitter-topper-upper story.


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## Battousai (Dec 3, 2008)

I dont know why but my body seems to keep it all saved up for a day or two. it doesnt hurt me or anything but it fucking sneaks up on me.. ill be sitting down on the john, expecting a normal poo then all of a sudden SGABLOOOOSH! I drop enough down there for 2 and a half flushes...


it almost saddens me after i Drop a few kids off at the pool id have to wave goodbye and send them away into the depths that lie below


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## Jongpil Yun (Dec 3, 2008)

budda said:


> too far, TOO FAR!
> 
> i had stomach flue for 4 days out of 5 on my gr. 12 grad trip.. in treblant.. :nothanks: that suuucked



Gastroenteritis. No such thing as stomach flu. Influenza doesn't infect your stomach.


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## petereanima (Dec 3, 2008)

The Atomic Ass said:


> Mr. Castro sir, I admit defeat to you. I cannot top your shitter-topper-upper story.



 well thank you, but to behonest - it was a hard battle and i almost wanted to give up, because i saw no chance to win a shit-battle against the atomic ASS, living in a SHITTY place in a SHITTY state.


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## TonalArchitect (Dec 3, 2008)

Jongpil Yun said:


> Gastroenteritis. No such thing as stomach flu. Influenza doesn't infect your stomach.



Colloquial language. Learn some.


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## JBroll (Dec 3, 2008)

TonalArchitect said:


> Colloquial language. Learn some.



Precise speech.

Use it.













































Jeff


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## auxioluck (Dec 3, 2008)

Jongpil Yun said:


> Gastroenteritis. No such thing as stomach flu. Influenza doesn't infect your stomach.



When I have Gastroenteritis, I typically don't give a fuck what it's called, all I know is that it sucks, and at the time the only thing I can pronounce is "flu."


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## The Atomic Ass (Dec 4, 2008)

auxioluck said:


> When I have Gastroenteritis, I typically don't give a fuck what it's called, all I know is that it sucks, and at the time the only thing I can pronounce is "flu."


^



JBroll said:


> Precise speech.
> 
> Use it.


Lets see you try to say Gastroenteritis, when all you can say is flu-AAAAARRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*sob*mommy...


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## Methilde (Dec 4, 2008)

Jongpil Yun said:


> Gastroenteritis. No such thing as stomach flu. Influenza doesn't infect your stomach.



everyone knows that, it's just called that way, in Holland as well, we call it buikgriep


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## Zepp88 (Dec 4, 2008)

Methilde said:


> everyone knows that, it's just called that way, in Holland as well, we call it buikgriep



That word just _sounds_ nasty


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## lefty robb (Dec 4, 2008)

I almost had an asthma attack reading thread I was laughing so much.


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## arktan (Dec 4, 2008)

buikgriep = Bauchgrippe = Magengrippe = Scheisse ???


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## The Dark Wolf (Dec 4, 2008)

Jongpil Yun said:


> Gastroenteritis. No such thing as stomach flu. Influenza doesn't infect your stomach.



This isn't the New England Journal of Medicine. It's a fucking thread about buttsplosions on a guitar forum.


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## Zepp88 (Dec 4, 2008)

arktan said:


> buikgriep = Bauchgrippe = Magengrippe = Scheisse ???



I love how all different variations of German just get more and more odd


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## arktan (Dec 4, 2008)

Zepp88 said:


> I love how all different variations of German just get more and more odd





The first one's Flemish i think... friteslanders please correct me if i'm wrong


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## Methilde (Dec 4, 2008)

The word "Scheisse" is just plain brilliant. It's in Holland just as common as saying the English word "Shit" as a curse when something bad happened


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## awesomeaustin (Dec 4, 2008)

damn, that was kickass bump of mine


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## Zepp88 (Dec 4, 2008)

Methilde said:


> The word "Scheisse" is just plain brilliant. It's in Holland just as common as saying the English word "Shit" as a curse when something bad happened



Actually it seems that "Scheisse" is used kind of how we say "fuck". We use it in any possible context, and create compound words with it.


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## The Atomic Ass (Dec 5, 2008)

Zepp88 said:


> Actually it seems that "Scheisse" is used kind of how we say "fuck". We use it in any possible context, and create compound words with it.



So in other words, we compound fuck, is that what you're saying? 

OH wait, that's Stitch's line.


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## Zepp88 (Dec 5, 2008)

You fuckdiddling fuckbag


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## sami (Dec 5, 2008)

Zepp88 said:


> You fuckdiddling fuckbag




BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!


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## The Atomic Ass (Dec 6, 2008)

Zepp88 said:


> You fuckdiddling fuckbag





Are my double meanings too much for ya' Zepp?


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## Zepp88 (Dec 6, 2008)

Doublefucking meaningfucks.


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## JBroll (Dec 6, 2008)

Fucking fuck the fucking fuckfucking fuckers, fucking fucks!

Jeff


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## Zepp88 (Dec 6, 2008)

And, surprisingly, it's a complete and understandable sentence. Hail the fucking flexibility of English.


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## The Atomic Ass (Dec 6, 2008)

Zepp88 said:


> Hail the fucking flexibility of English.



  



JBroll said:


> Fucking fuck the fucking fuckfucking fuckers, fucking fucks!
> 
> Jeff



That is now getting sigged.


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## JBroll (Dec 6, 2008)

I think flexible fucking beats English's fucking flexibility, but that's just me.

[action=JBroll]flexes.[/action]

Jeff


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## Zepp88 (Dec 6, 2008)




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## The Dark Wolf (Dec 6, 2008)

JBroll said:


> I think flexible fucking beats English's fucking flexibility, but that's just me.
> 
> [action=JBroll]flexes.[/action]
> 
> Jeff



You flexing flexibly whilst fucking is not an image I wanted to conjure, JB Roll.


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## The Atomic Ass (Dec 6, 2008)

The Dark Wolf said:


> You flexing flexibly whilst fucking is not an image I wanted to conjure, JB Roll.


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## JBroll (Dec 6, 2008)

The Dark Wolf said:


> You flexing flexibly whilst fucking is not an image I wanted to conjure, JB Roll.



It's not my fault you can't handle the sexy...

[action=JBroll]throws his hair back and flexes again...[/action]

Jeff


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## The Atomic Ass (Dec 7, 2008)

Ya' know, normally, I find it amusing when you guys gay up a thread...

But this is a little different... And it leaves me curious...

Do you, emm.... Do it, while having buttsplosions, by chance?


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## twiztedchild (Dec 7, 2008)

The Atomic Ass said:


> Ya' know, normally, I find it amusing when you guys gay up a thread...
> 
> But this is a little different... And it leaves me curious...
> 
> *Do you, emm.... Do it, while having buttsplosions, by chance?*


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## sami (Dec 7, 2008)

*In depth review of popular pissing/dumping positions*

*The Regular Guy*







Pros: Commonly accepted in the Western world; relaxing, your ass is supported comfortably by toilet seat. Ass usually covers up seat area to prevent a huge barrage of smell; able to read/text on cellphone/play handheld games quite easily. If you don't mind germs, you can even lean back and rest on the toilet tank

Cons: Bad circulation: Many people reported that their legs lost circulation if the toilet seat was not the right size. Poor access to asshole for wiping purposes, standing might be necessary; erect penis can hit side of bowl/water in bowl


*The Bad-ass*






Pros: spread cheeks, so I hardly had to wipe at all; you can see what you're doing, so with some toilet paper in the bowl and aim, you won't get splash back at all; no danger of an erect penis hitting the bowl, like mine sometimes does; easy to wipe.

Cons: urine control! I hit the seat with a few drops, and my thigh with one. I would NOT recommend this for girls, if they have to urinate at the same time, like I often do; you're standing right over the bowl, staring down, so the stench will hit you worse; You need stamina, I got kinda tired in the leg that was supporting my weight, so you'd want to alternate between legs each time.
This one is kinda minor, but if you're in a public toilet where there is a gap underneath the door, so people can see your legs, someone might spot that your pants are halfway off, and that you've only got one leg on the ground.


*The AC Slater*







Pros: Get to be like AC Slater and be extremely badass and sit backwards on things. Head and arms can easily rest on top of toilet tank. It's possible to take a quick nap while on the john. Toilet paper and all other necessities are easily accessed.

Cons: You touch a lot of the toilet. The AC Slater is not recommended for dirty toilets. If not paying close attention, might accidentally shoot poop over the front of the toilet seat.


*The Upper Deck*






Pros: Use toilet seat as foot rest; if desired, can use toilet bowl as foot bath. Can have fun pissing down into the bowl below while *****ing in the upper deck. Can do what is known as a "stealth dump", meaning someone won't know you took a dump until you flush. Hilarious prank to play at ex-girlfriend's house

Cons: When toilet is flushed, *****y water flows down into the bottom bowl, creating undesired sights/smells. Also, poor drainage in the upper deck can cause exceptionally large ****s to get stuck up there.


*The Sniper*






Pros: Can be extremely fun/rewarding when pulled off correctly. The sniper can put a smile on any man's face because they know that woman are unable to perform this amazing feat. Don't have to get close to a dirty toilet. If you're using an outhouse, you can actually stand outside that ****hole of a toilet and just piss inside from the long range.

Cons: Lots of cons. Requires immense precision/focus. Quick physics estimations must be made before attempting the Sniper. If wrong, piss goes everywhere. Make sure you're conservative on your distance estimates. It's better to hit the back of the toilet seat than the floor in front. Not only does the Sniper take precision, but timing is of the utmost importance. Once you feel the piss stream lightening up you must re-evaluate your distance. Quick sprints might be required. Note: If you're a tranny and have not gotten used to your new penis yet, performing the Sniper is not recommended.


*The Special Delivery*






Note: delivery device is required

Pros: Crap anywhere you want and it'll end up down the drain eventually (delivery to toilet optional; throwing outside or hiding under couch are valid choices, among others). Don't have to be bother by a small, cramped bathroom. Instead, poop within your bedroom or another bigger room. Perhaps you don't want to miss your favorite TV show/favorite sports team? Poop in a bowl, and deliver to toilet later. This style is very flexible

Cons: Be careful of onlookers. This requires you to handle poop outside the bathroom, thus setting yourself up for some explaining. If you are spotted performing a special delivery, act calm and collected. Say it's your dog's ****. If you don't have a dog, say your neighbor's dog took a **** on your porch. If that doesn't apply, make sure you have an excuse thought out before hand. Also, handle **** with care! Last thing you want is to drop your #2 on a newly cleaned carpet.


*The Fountain*






Pros: Lie down on the floor and work out the kinks in your back. If you're very tired, this position offers the most relaxation of all positions. Bringing a pillow can increase the pleasure of the Fountain. Many are too scared to attempt this because of the risk of pissing on yourself, but if pulled off correctly, the rewards are unfathomable. I'm sure you'll win an award or a pat on the back

Cons: Beware of dirty floors. And stray piss. Warning: To prevent from pissing on yourself, aim for optimal acceleration/deceleration. A slow v/t will wreck havoc on your shorts (upper thigh if you're naked).


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## TonalArchitect (Dec 7, 2008)

at everything here.

Also, that last post was


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## Randy (Apr 24, 2009)

AC Slater...


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## PlagueX1 (Apr 24, 2009)

Who revives a thread about shit, honestly?


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## Randy (Apr 24, 2009)

This is pertinent stuff.


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## lobee (Apr 24, 2009)

Randy said:


> This is *incontinent* stuff.


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## E Lucevan Le Stelle (Apr 24, 2009)

What a shit thread.


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## The Atomic Ass (Apr 24, 2009)

PlagueX1 said:


> Who revives a thread about shit, honestly?



Anyone with a shit fetish... Randy?


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