# I Just Pulled My Mustache Out Of My Face



## t3sser4ct (Apr 3, 2010)

No matter how close I shave, and no matter what kind of razor I use, I always have stubble above my lip. It's probably because the hair is thick and dark enough to be seen even when it's just barely sticking out of the skin, but whatever the reason, I hate it. Most facial hair is awesome, but mustaches are horrible and nasty in most cases, and seeing a permanent strip of man-fuzz on my face every time I try to admire my own awesomeness in a mirror makes me want to punch a college hipster. More than usual.

So instead of engaging in the regular futile practice of shaving my upper lip this morning, I decided to take a different approach. I grabbed the nearest pair of pliers and pulled each and every hair straight out. Roots and all. It took a few hours, and I lost a surprising amount of blood, but my upper lip now looks like that of a pre-pubescent Swedish boy with herpes.

I put some ice on it, and the swelling is almost gone now. It's still red, and there are some rough spots where I pulled like five at once, but I expect it to be all healed within a couple of days. There were maybe a dozen hairs that were too short to grab with the pliers, so I'll have to wait until they're long enough. I'll probably get them tomorrow morning.

I wish I had thought about it long enough to take before and after photos. Maybe next time. I hope it takes a long time to grow back.


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## Scar Symmetry (Apr 3, 2010)

Dude you're fucking crazy


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## vampiregenocide (Apr 3, 2010)

Why didn't you try waxing?


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## BlindingLight7 (Apr 3, 2010)

Scar Symmetry said:


> Dude you're fucking crazy


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## FearFactoryDBCR (Apr 3, 2010)

If it's any consellation, i did the exact same thing with my pubes. I used the three P's to help of course;

Pliers
Patience
and Paper towels

LETS GO TEAM NO HAIR!


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## t3sser4ct (Apr 3, 2010)

vampiregenocide said:


> Why didn't you try waxing?


Because I'm too manly for such feminine methods.

Also, I didn't think of that. 



FearFactoryDBCR said:


> If it's any consellation, i did the exact same thing with my pubes. I used the three P's to help of course;
> 
> Pliers
> Patience
> and Paper towels


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## FearFactoryDBCR (Apr 3, 2010)

t3sser4ct said:


> Because I'm too manly for such feminine methods.
> 
> Also, I didn't think of that.


 
We know what the heavy metal lifestyle's all about.


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## st2012 (Apr 3, 2010)

I'm not sure I believe that this actually happened, but if it did....It's probably the most metal thing I've ever heard in my life.


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## BigPhi84 (Apr 3, 2010)

Laser hair removal. It is girly but sounds masculine as hell. . "Dude, frickin' laser beams..." Plus, it's permanent.


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## signalgrey (Apr 3, 2010)

i used a hammer.


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## lefty robb (Apr 4, 2010)

Shaving your face with a pair of pliers is quite possibly the most metal thing I have ever heard.




BigPhi84 said:


> Laser hair removal. It is girly but sounds masculine as hell. . "Dude, frickin' laser beams..." Plus, it's permanent.


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## Evil7 (Apr 4, 2010)

thats going to look nice in the morning... lol its more manly and metal to grow facial hair and love it.


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## Spaced Out Ace (Apr 4, 2010)

This thread wins.


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## Andii (Apr 4, 2010)

There are better ways of getting this done, such as an open flame. Fire is the antimatter of hair.


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## 13point9 (Apr 4, 2010)

lefty robb said:


> Shaving your face with a pair of pliers is quite possibly the most metal thing I have ever heard.



This, you should make a CC style song documenting the event OP


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## Andii (Apr 4, 2010)

On a serious note I think you're seriously crazy for doing that.

A solution you should consider is shaving against the grain(towards your nose) with shaving cream with a 4 or 5 blade razor. Doing that chops off the hairs even beneath the skin. 

If you tried that and it didn't work I demand pics of your metallic invincibeard so I can bask in the glorious splendour of the immortal follicles.


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## thesimo (Apr 4, 2010)

being fair haired ftw 

lets hope you didn't just pull out just half of the actual roots and it grows back but with a big bald patch in the middle somewhere (yes that can happen)


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## vampiregenocide (Apr 4, 2010)

If you really hate having a beard, put some Nair on that fucker.


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## t3sser4ct (Apr 4, 2010)

vampiregenocide said:


> If you really hate having a beard...





Evil7 said:


> its more manly and metal to grow facial hair and love it.


Whoa whoa whoa... Let's clear this up right now. I have a chin beard, and it is awesome. I have some nifty sideburns too. The mustache is the only thing I don't want.

Beards are amazing. Mustaches are horrible and nasty.



thesimo said:


> lets hope you didn't just pull out just half of the actual roots and it grows back but with a big bald patch in the middle somewhere (yes that can happen)


It's possible, but I'm pretty sure I got at least 90% of the roots. If not, I can yank the bastards out again.


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## Spaced Out Ace (Apr 4, 2010)

Not a fan of the Tom Savini moustache, eh?


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## loktide (Apr 4, 2010)




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## JeffFromMtl (Apr 4, 2010)

Scar Symmetry said:


> Dude you're fucking crazy


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## thesimo (Apr 4, 2010)

aweeeesomee


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## OwainXerath (Apr 4, 2010)

But now you can't grow a moustache = not a real man


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## Antimatter (Apr 4, 2010)

thesimo said:


> being fair haired ftw


 
this


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## All_¥our_Bass (Apr 4, 2010)

Burma-Shave - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## SargeantVomit (Apr 5, 2010)

Reading this thread, I just made this face.......







Why don't you go to the barber and get a straight razor shave once a week, you'll get a better shave.


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## MF_Kitten (Apr 6, 2010)

the solution for this is simple:

use a shaving machine (the buzz cut kind) to trim your facial hair as short as possible. remove the length spacer to do this. then take a shower, or use a cloth drenched in warm water on your face. then you shave in the direction of the hair, using shaving cream. keep going until it's not catching anything anymore (you'll hear it, ya know?), then wash off, reapply shaving cream, and do the same in the opposite direction, going against the direction of the hair. when you've done this until it stops catching on anything, you should have an upper lip smoother than a baby's ass. an oiled baby's ass.


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## t3sser4ct (Apr 6, 2010)

MF_Kitten said:


> the solution for this is simple:
> 
> use a shaving machine (the buzz cut kind) to trim your facial hair as short as possible. remove the length spacer to do this. then take a shower, or use a cloth drenched in warm water on your face. then you shave in the direction of the hair, using shaving cream. keep going until it's not catching anything anymore (you'll hear it, ya know?), then wash off, reapply shaving cream, and do the same in the opposite direction, going against the direction of the hair. when you've done this until it stops catching on anything, you should have an upper lip smoother than a baby's ass. an oiled baby's ass.


I'll try that if and when it grows back. Right now It's the smoothest it's been since my balls dropped, and I haven't shaved in three days.


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## Evil7 (Apr 7, 2010)

do you have scabs? lol


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## t3sser4ct (Apr 7, 2010)

Evil7 said:


> do you have scabs? lol


Nope. There was a lot of blood at first, but after it dried I just scraped it all away and you could barely tell. It was still pretty red, but by the end of the day it was back to a normal color. The next day, there were a couple of bumps left and some skin was peeling. Now it looks great.


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## DavyH (Apr 7, 2010)

****speechless*****

Seriously.


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## Bungle (Apr 7, 2010)

That is the most hardcore-est thing I've ever heard.


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## Arsis (Apr 7, 2010)

I always try to get my male teachers and kids in my school that can grow mustaches to do so. Every now and then they do it.  Apart from the teachers.


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## ittoa666 (Apr 7, 2010)

t3sser4ct said:


> Because I'm too manly for such feminine methods.
> 
> Also, I didn't think of that.



Duct tape.


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## Varcolac (Apr 13, 2010)

t3sser4ct said:


> Mustaches are horrible and nasty.











Mr. Kilmister and myself would disagree. 

Still, props for shaving with pliers. That's manly. Not as manly as a badass moustache, but you can't win them all.


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## JohnIce (Apr 16, 2010)

Tom Selleck is sceptical.


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## t3sser4ct (Apr 16, 2010)

Well guys, some of it grew back. I just finished pulling the last of it back out. I get the feeling I might have to repeat this process a few more times before I get the desired long-term effects.

To the previous two posters: I concede that not all mustaches are bad (especially when combined with other forms of facial hair), but it's not for me.


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## meisterjager (Apr 16, 2010)

for fucks sake that must hurt like a bitch?

And dont give us that bullshit that you used pliers.. you're using tweezers you fucking pussy haha! i kid.. i kid.


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## t3sser4ct (Apr 16, 2010)

meisterjager said:


> for fucks sake that must hurt like a bitch?
> 
> And dont give us that bullshit that you used pliers.. you're using tweezers you fucking pussy haha! i kid.. i kid.


At first it hurt, but I got used to it pretty quickly. The most sensitive spot was directly under the nose.

I actually did use tweezers just now to get the ones that grew back. The hairs were too short to get with the pliers. You can get a better grip with the pliers, though.


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## meisterjager (Apr 16, 2010)

ah man i just cant ever imagine wanting to do that haha! with FUCKING PLIARS!! 

you're so fucking blase about it too, it's slaying me!


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## Uncle Remus (Apr 16, 2010)

t3sser4ct said:


> but mustaches are horrible and nasty in most cases


 
Go for the Zappa 'tach!


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## t3sser4ct (Apr 16, 2010)

Uncle Remus said:


> Go for the Zappa 'tach!




Now THAT'S some good mustache.


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## DVRP (Apr 20, 2010)

thats clearly the most metal way to get rid of facial hair

but then again isnt facial hair metal


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## josh pelican (Apr 21, 2010)

t3sser4ct said:


> Beards are amazing. Mustaches are horrible and nasty.


 
That's not a man's beard then! It sounds like you've got a chinstrap... or sideburns and a feather duster on your chin!


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## Mexi (Apr 22, 2010)

real men have thick, burly beards anyways


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## josh pelican (Apr 25, 2010)

Don't mind my hair in the first one. I was about to shower.


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## anthonyferguson (Apr 25, 2010)

those are some fucking gnarly burners


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## snowblind56 (Jun 13, 2010)

Just wait 'til all those fuckers start coming back ingrown. Now that is some fun stuff.


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## t3sser4ct (Jun 13, 2010)

snowblind56 said:


> Just wait 'til all those fuckers start coming back ingrown. Now that is some fun stuff.


Fortunately that hasn't happened. It does keep growing back, though. That's how metal my facial hair is. But it does look good after I tear it back out.


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## MaKo´s Tethan (Jun 13, 2010)

this is one of the funniest things I ever read high.


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## Chickenhawk (Jun 13, 2010)

I am honored to be here today, to present you this:







Wear it with pride, Sir.


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## Razorgrin (Jun 20, 2010)

BigPhi84 said:


> Laser hair removal. It is girly but sounds masculine as hell. . "Dude, frickin' laser beams..." Plus, it's permanent.


Well, mostly.


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## Gamba (Jun 20, 2010)

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO dude, u must had been through a great deal of pain! I know because I myself have a really thick beard/mustache hair and one a friend of mine dared me to remove all of it using a pair of pliers and due that was hurtfull, but worthed the 4 cases of guiness


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## Razorgrin (Jun 20, 2010)

Gamba said:


> OOOOOOOOOOOOOO dude, u must had been through a great deal of pain! I know because I myself have a really thick beard/mustache hair and one a friend of mine dared me to remove all of it using a pair of pliers and due that was hurtfull, but worthed the 4 cases of guiness


_Four cases?! _Call your friend up; he's got another taker.

When I first grew mah beard, it was pure laziness because I didn't want to have to shave twice a day. Now, it's self-preservation: the skin under this beard hasn't seen daylight in over fifteen years and I fear my face would burst into flame if I shaved and walked outside.


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## t3sser4ct (Jun 20, 2010)

Razorgrin said:


> _Four cases?! _Call your friend up; he's got another taker.


Indeed. I didn't even think of trying to make a bet out of it. I'll have to keep that in mind while I'm at college...

Seriously, it's almost easy to pull them out now. I even can do it without my eyes watering. If I can get people to give me stuff every time I bring out the ol' shaving pliers, I'll be set.


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## Razorgrin (Jun 20, 2010)

t3sser4ct said:


> Indeed. I didn't even think of trying to make a bet out of it. I'll have to keep that in mind while I'm at college...
> 
> Seriously, it's almost easy to pull them out now. I even can do it without my eyes watering. If I can get people to give me stuff every time I bring out the ol' shaving pliers, I'll be set.


Eventually your pores will be so used to it the nascent hairs will just fall out. Careful you don't hurt someone in the hail of hair-jectiles when you sneeze.


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## t3sser4ct (Jun 20, 2010)

Razorgrin said:


> Careful you don't hurt someone in the hail of hair-jectiles when you sneeze.


Oh man, that would be awesome. I'd be like some kind of scraggly-faced pokemon.


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## Gamba (Jun 20, 2010)

Dudes seriously, I never won shit for my "dare" things but that one particular time I was "HELL YEAH" but seriously, have your beard and mustache pulled off hair by hair is like going to hell and back


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## Razorgrin (Jun 21, 2010)

t3sser4ct said:


> Oh man, that would be awesome. I'd be like some kind of scraggly-faced pokemon.


Worst. Pokémon. Ever. 

Edit: or the manticora! Only...with really lame spines.


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## GazPots (Jun 21, 2010)

Holy Jebus to this thread.

What the fuck is in the water over there dude? 



Pliers + face =/= a good time.


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## Mr Violence (Jun 23, 2010)

I read this thread every time it's bumped because I can't get over the brilliant title.

It's honestly the manliest thing I've ever heard.

"I just pulled my mustache out of my face."


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## t3sser4ct (Jul 1, 2010)

Okay, so here's another update. I was staying out of town over the past couple of days, and when I got up yesterday, the mustache was back. Unfortunately, I didn't pack a razor, nor my pliers (not even tweezers). So instead, I pinched the hairs between my fingers and pulled them out. You heard that right. *I shaved with my bare hands.*

It was probably easier since I've been tearing them out forcefully for a while. But still... Bare effin' hands.


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## chaosxcomplex (Jul 1, 2010)

SargeantVomit said:


> Reading this thread, I just made this face.......
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Dude is that you????

If it is, you are automatically awesome.


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## Murmel (Jul 1, 2010)

t3sser4ct said:


> my upper lip now looks like that of a pre-pubescent Swedish boy with herpes.



Why are there ALWAYS references to our beautiful country? 
I'm not joking, they're everywhere, films, comics, and now forums? 

We are legend.


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## Herb Dorklift (Jul 1, 2010)

Metal.

Waxing my balls doesn't seem so hardcore anymore.


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## t3sser4ct (Jul 1, 2010)

Murmel said:


> Why are there ALWAYS references to our beautiful country?
> I'm not joking, they're everywhere, films, comics, and now forums?
> 
> We are legend.


Don't feel bad. People might make fun of your adolescents and accents, but you have Meshuggah, so you win.

Also, you're vikings.


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## Murmel (Jul 2, 2010)

t3sser4ct said:


> Don't feel bad. People might make fun of your adolescents and accents, but you have Meshuggah, so you win.
> 
> Also, you're vikings.


I'm not offended the least, I love it.
And hearing an American trying to imitate a Swedish accent is hilarious, they sound like a mix between the French and Germans


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