# Depression - How to get motivation?



## vampiregenocide (Dec 16, 2010)

I've been depressed for a long time now, pretty much as long as I can remember. I haven't got a particularly bad life, my dad is well-off and supports me and my childhood had its fair share of bad times but like anyone elses. However recently I've slipped into a mindset that I feel is different to the teenage hormonal downer I thought I was on before. Looking back at being 16 and whatnot, while I see I had/have genuine issues, a lot of it was over the top dramatisation of trivial events. Now, I feel that although 20 is still young, I have changed and grown into an adult, and can already look back on the first decades of my life and see what was wrong or right.

What is worrying, is that I feel just as bad if not worse than I did at the height of my typical emoish depression phase when I was 15-16. Now at 20, I should be over that. I should be more rational and dealing with life, instead I have no motivation, zero confidence and self-esteem and just a general loathing for life.

Recent events haven't helped; I split up with my girlfriend, my first and most promosing relationship in 4 years, I quit uni and started working. Now I know I'll get over my ex in time, but it highlights the fact that a girl who I thought was perfect for me and with whom I got along with brilliantly still wanted to leave me for someone else. To have a perfection like that for the first time in years and then have it shattered is disheartening to say the least. Especially since I'm an emotionally unstable person anyway. As for uni, I'm glad I left; she goes there and there was nothing about the place that did it for me. I actually prefer working now, though I don't want to do this my whole life, and I feel the way things are now that may be how things end up. It doesn't leave me enough time to do things I want to do, especially since I'm only just getting used to a proper routine again and its messing me up.

Having an unclear head, low confidence and worries about my future has left me in a bitter place. I think to myself that things will work out, but no mater how often I tell myself this, and try to motivate myself, nothing works. Ultimately, I feel as if I'm not really meant for anything, and I'm not too bothered about life. Death doesn't scare me (or at least being dead, the actual dying depends on the meas), but I hate to know I'd upset and ruin my family. If I were more indepentent then I'd just finish things now, but I have too many people in my life that would get hurt to kill myself. I feel like I want to stick it out for them, especially after seeing what my step father's death did to my brother.

I don't really know what to do. I don't feel like I can tell my friends too much as they're closer to home and I don't want to worry them with my suicidal thoughts. I feel like this site, you people here, are like a group of friends I can talk to about most things. I suppose thats kind of odd being the internet and all, some might call it sad, but I genuinely value the friendships of the people here a lot and this site has helped me in life to the point I probably wouldn't be at this point now.

I guess I want advice? I'm not sure. I just need to get some feelings out and some opinions and shit. I'm not sure how much longer I can function this way, my head is in a weird place. Apologies for the poorly written and lengthy blog this has turned into.


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## technomancer (Dec 16, 2010)

Doctor: get to one


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## vampiregenocide (Dec 16, 2010)

Been there man, saw a councellor for a while and didn't learn anything new. Maybe I should try again though. I just don't want to end up on lots of pills for insomnia and depression.


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## Stealthdjentstic (Dec 16, 2010)

Start going to the gym. Im dead serious, you will be more confident than ever! Once you get injured and start shrinking though you'll start to get really insecure though, kinda like I am now


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## vampiregenocide (Dec 16, 2010)

Man I thought about that, I just don't have the confidence to do it though. I really hate myself and I don't even like walking down the street, let alone going and working out with a bunch of strangers watching.


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## Stealthdjentstic (Dec 16, 2010)

Nah dude, so long as you're consistent nobody is going to say anything to you at all. If anything they'll be really supportive, its always good to see someone trying their best to get into good shape.


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## Wingchunwarrior (Dec 16, 2010)

vampiregenocide said:


> Man I thought about that, I just don't have the confidence to do it though. I really hate myself and I don't even like walking down the street, let alone going and working out with a bunch of strangers watching.



Then do it at home!

Its not the most ideal situation but once you get a grip of the basics,i.e form,diet and being moderately fit, you can then go into a gym do it proper, have some experience and feel good.I for one respect guys in the gym who know what there doing and have the basics down, whereas you see a load of noobs going in there walking on a treadmill and fiddling about on a machine and you completely see the difference.

I don't care how much you're lifting, how bad/good you look or how long you been training, if you don't have the basics down you look like an idiot.What I'm getting at is do some training at home first, get a grips with some exercises etc, then walk into a gym a bit more muscular/fit than before and some knowledge to help you succeed.

Theres loads of info out there, personally I would go to this forum UK-Muscle Body Building Community - Bodybuilding Forum

Loads of info, look at the beginners sections to get you started,hell if you want to start a journal on there of you're progress, the guys on there are real cool and will give you lots of motivation and tips.

Hope this helps a bit on a exercise/gym side of things


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## Customisbetter (Dec 16, 2010)

Life is a game, specifically an RPG. When you are depressed, you are bored or don't like how things are going.

Solution: Level up. Get a hobby that you can get better at. I'm not talking photography, you already kick ass at that. Get something you find mildly interesting but have no idea how to do.

Examples:
Keyboards
jogging
working out
underwater basketweaving
writing a novel
configuring a linux box

Get anything that you can IMPROVE on. Once you can put forth effort and SEE results, you'll start to feel self worth again.

/2p


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## Rev2010 (Dec 16, 2010)

vampiregenocide said:


> I feel like this site, you people here, are like a group of friends I can talk to about most things.



You definitely have us bro! I feel the same way about this site... I honestly think without it I'd go nuts, even though I'm not a postwhore or anything.

That aside, I too suffer from depression. For me it's mostly seasonal depression - I just can NOT deal with winters and the misery of it all. But as I'm getting older, now 37, I have depression more far more often and have been feeling lately like there is no point to anything. I am NOT suicidal!! You shouldn't be either man!! Don't talk shit like that  Heck, if I were to even feel that way I'd try something insane and risky first, like stealing a million bucks lol. Seriously though, unfortunately you are not going to get an answer here, and maybe not anywhere else either. Depression is a hardcore bitch that has no definitive cure... shit, doctors aren't even 100% sure of the causes of it! I will agree though with the others, give working out a shot. I don't do it cause I really just can't bring myself to it after a long days work and coming in from the freezing weather. But I did work out at points in my life and I will tell you it DID make me feel great. Even just cardio, not the body building shit.

You're a bit young though to be feeling like that so it's probably neurological. I didn't start feeling depression really heavily until my latter 20's. When I was 25 I was living it up, sleeping with chicks left and right (the wife doesn't like that part of my life even though it was before her ), going out to clubs and partying. Then again, at that point I had friends around me all the time. Now that I'm 36 I have *no friends whatsoever*! My wife is my best friend, which I'm fine with but I miss having others in my life. My last two best friends moved away to other states and no one else ever wants to hang out and do shit. Seems people get older and in a relationship and just fucking hermit themselves. I'm married and still want to hang out with people. I can't even manage to find the 3 members of my new band that are needed. It's just me and my drummer for years now.

Anyhow, so I know what you are feeling and where you are. My current situation is different but I've been where you are. Try to hold on and give whatever suggestions people lend a shot, it honestly can't hurt. If things get really bad don't do anything stupid, just go see a doctor. Some people have reported great results with meds.... though others on meds have made news committing suicide  Kind of a tightrope to tell what reaction someone will have. Anyhow, best of luck man and we're here for you! 


Rev.


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## Meatbucket (Dec 16, 2010)

Dude, I'm on the completely same page as you, except I'm not even working. I just split up with my girlfriend as well, 20 years old, no direction, the only thing I have going for me is that I have a very emotionally supporting family, a few good friends and a guitar.

HOWEVER my trick to staying sane is escapism, which probably isn't very good in the long run but it helps emotionally for the moment. I dive into video games or websites JUST LIKE I'M DOING NOW! HARRRRR! Or even just sit down and jam with some of my favourite tunes. I'll maybe tag up with a friend once or twice a week, but other than that I'm a secluded loser.

Wake up -> Shower -> Eat -> Computer -> Eat -> Computer/guitar -> Sleep -> Rinse and repeat.

That's just about my daily lameass schedule.

The best thing to do is have a goal. Mine is to tour worldwide in a good band. Take small steps to try and reach that goal. I registered on a really popular guitar website and am getting my recording equipment squared away after Christmas to try and crank some tunes out and promote the shit out of and hope that people will like it. Small steps to a larger picture.


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## techcoreriffman (Dec 16, 2010)

I didn't read everyone else's responses, so sorry if I'm redundant.

I've had manic depression for years now. But what gets me through, is the "little things" Like the other day, I stopped and noticed the ice on a branch. And it was beautiful. That was a good day for me.

Stuff like that really really helps. Like how my dog looks ridiculously cute right now when she's asleep.


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## WickedSymphony (Dec 16, 2010)

Customisbetter said:


> Life is a game, specifically an RPG. When you are depressed, you are bored or don't like how things are going.
> 
> Solution: Level up.


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## Adam Of Angels (Dec 16, 2010)

techcoreriffman said:


> But what gets me through, is the "little things" Like the other day, I stopped and noticed the ice on a branch. And it was beautiful. That was a good day for me.
> 
> Stuff like that really really helps. Like how my dog looks ridiculously cute right now when she's asleep.



This man, unknowingly, posesses wisdom.


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## Stealthdjentstic (Dec 16, 2010)

If you really don't want to go to the gym just do what I did at first, go at a ridiculously early time, when I first started I was there by 6 AM and usually done by 7:00-7:30.


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## Adam Of Angels (Dec 16, 2010)

^Also, exercise first thing in the morning is the best time, technically speaking. It gets your going. Also, dude, look into your diet. Taking care with those two things alone go a really long way. Not only do you just feel better, but you're giving your body and mind the message that you care for yourself, and that feeling can't be bought or counseled.


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## Stealthdjentstic (Dec 16, 2010)

Adam Of Angels said:


> ^Also, exercise first thing in the morning is the best time, technically speaking. It gets your going. Also, dude, look into your diet. Taking care with those two things alone go a really long way. Not only do you just feel better, but you're giving your body and mind the message that you care for yourself, and that feeling can't be bought or counseled.



The diet thing is totally right. Ever since my spinal stenosis decided to play with me I've been eating like crap (not super clean) and I feel like shit. 

Eat really clean and you'll feel much better, my neighbor with severe depression was also telling me how eating certain foods affects her depression. This might be something worth asking the doctor about


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## dream-thief (Dec 16, 2010)

I suffer pretty badly from what I would call depression. I find psychological/mental issues to be too grayscale to bother actually getting a diagnosis from a 'professional'.

It's hard to explain anything helpful without giving some kind of explanation of my psyche/philosophies, which I am under the impression is pretty different from the collective (even within the depressive spectrum - I've dealt with a lot of depressed people in the past, from friends to partners to family, I seem to be constantly surrounded by it)

Just to reiterate what's already been said really - I find the most useful thing for me in terms of dealing with it is to have something you can clearly see as a goal or something to work towards and potentially (although not most importantly, realistically) achieve. At the moment I'm definitely on a high period - my motivation levels are immense (on top of my musical goals, and general day-to-day motivation, I've started working out and eating properly, something I never thought I'd see myself do - and that too is helping immensely. Just basic things like eating, drinking, washing, not being overzealous with substances, despite the temptation of being unemployed and it not mattering)

Another thing I've found massively helpful is pretty basic, and may even sound condescending, but it's something I constantly struggle with, but just keeping a 'positive mental attitude' about everything I do makes a massive difference. Even if you have to tell yourself a few times at first and still don't believe it, the more you push, the more you'll notice changes in both your view, and hopefully the reality of what happens.

The downside for all this right now for me, is first that I'm becoming almost optimistic about life, which is something I personally see as a flaw, as even tiny things become a temporary disappointment. Base point of this fact is that I'm terrified of coming crashing down from this high, even though I feel like I'm completely out of depression and it'll never bother me again (I honestly do) there's a niggling itch that something will trigger a complete loss of motivation. 

I think the main reason it's worrying me is because my motivation and happiness levels at the moment are well above what I see in everyone around me, and even if it's an indefinitely good thing, It seems to me that it isn't right or 'normal', and as such, won't be something permanent.

Your social circumstances will also have a massive impact on it, and it's worth taking them into account so you know how they're affecting you. Things like who you do or don't live with, your family relationships, the amount and type of friends surrounding you, &c. I can't be of much use to use on this front though, as I've always had to deal with my own depression completely solitarily (_...no-one knows you when you're on the line, they all want to help you when you're doing fine_...)


Realistically, the best thing you can do is find a balance. As much as I hate to say it, just learn to live like everyone else (As I said, I don't mean to sound condescending, it's something I find impossible for a plethora of reasons)

I hope this all made sense, reading back over it, I'm not sure if you'll make head or tail of it.

I honestly wish you the best of luck in dealing with it, and I'm sure we all here will be as supportive as we can.


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## GATA4 (Dec 16, 2010)

Hey man,

I am depressed too. I can seriously relate to a lot of stuff you've discussed: low confidence, unclear mind, worrying, no motivation, and just being in an all around rut. A lot of my depression revolves around low confidence; until recently, a huge majority of my thoughts revolved around what others thought of me. It's been a really, really rough road for me these past few years of my life.

I am currently taking the anti-depressant Lexapro, and it actually has worked for me. If you view the medication as a means and not an end, I think you would be less apprehensive of trying it. You still have to live your life and generally try while you're on it, but why not let it help you out? Let it get you where you need to be, then be done with it. 

That stuff aside, I highly agree with the other opinions stated in this thread. A little bit of confidence goes a long way, man. There is no doubt about that. Find SOMETHING that will give you that little bit of confidence. I genuinely hope that you will begin to feel better, and more confident in yourself.


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## trb (Dec 16, 2010)

Need motivation? Join the military.


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## Xiphos68 (Dec 16, 2010)

I'll be praying for you friend.


But I would just try to look at the good things of life and do what you enjoy most.
Ever thought about going to college or anything like that?


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## vampiregenocide (Dec 17, 2010)

Thanks for all the responses guys. Means a lot. I haven't been able to reply to all of them as I'm just heading out, but I will when I get back.



Wingchunwarrior said:


> Then do it at home!
> 
> Its not the most ideal situation but once you get a grip of the basics,i.e form,diet and being moderately fit, you can then go into a gym do it proper, have some experience and feel good.I for one respect guys in the gym who know what there doing and have the basics down, whereas you see a load of noobs going in there walking on a treadmill and fiddling about on a machine and you completely see the difference.
> 
> ...


 
I did a lot of weightlifting at home a while back, was going to get back into it but my back is a but funny and my osteopath said I shouldn't do weights, at least not much. I have an exercise bike so I will probably do that combined with some other stuff, just need to sit down and plan it.



Rev2010 said:


> You definitely have us bro! I feel the same way about this site... I honestly think without it I'd go nuts, even though I'm not a postwhore or anything.
> 
> That aside, I too suffer from depression. For me it's mostly seasonal depression - I just can NOT deal with winters and the misery of it all. But as I'm getting older, now 37, I have depression more far more often and have been feeling lately like there is no point to anything. I am NOT suicidal!! You shouldn't be either man!! Don't talk shit like that  Heck, if I were to even feel that way I'd try something insane and risky first, like stealing a million bucks lol. Seriously though, unfortunately you are not going to get an answer here, and maybe not anywhere else either. Depression is a hardcore bitch that has no definitive cure... shit, doctors aren't even 100% sure of the causes of it! I will agree though with the others, give working out a shot. I don't do it cause I really just can't bring myself to it after a long days work and coming in from the freezing weather. But I did work out at points in my life and I will tell you it DID make me feel great. Even just cardio, not the body building shit.
> 
> ...


 
Thanks man, I think my worry is that I'm 20 and I haven't used what are supposed to be the greatest years of my life to my best advantage. I did well at school and college, but personally and socially I'm a lot more...regressed(?) than most other people my age. I don't drink or like hanging around drunk people because it makes me immensely uncomfortable, so that leaves out a lot of social activities. I worry that I'm going to end up being a recluse and literaly having no one in my life.



Meatbucket said:


> Dude, I'm on the completely same page as you, except I'm not even working. I just split up with my girlfriend as well, 20 years old, no direction, the only thing I have going for me is that I have a very emotionally supporting family, a few good friends and a guitar.
> 
> HOWEVER my trick to staying sane is escapism, which probably isn't very good in the long run but it helps emotionally for the moment. I dive into video games or websites JUST LIKE I'M DOING NOW! HARRRRR! Or even just sit down and jam with some of my favourite tunes. I'll maybe tag up with a friend once or twice a week, but other than that I'm a secluded loser.
> 
> ...


 
Yeah I see what yo8u mean man, before I got a job that was my schedule too. Spent all day playing xbox and guitar and looking/waiting for work. IT distracts me from how I feel, but doesn't solve it. And I don't get anywhere playing xbox all day, unless I became a professional gamer. That'd be grand.  I do have goals, but they never work out despite my efforts, so I'm become a bit jaded with them.



techcoreriffman said:


> I didn't read everyone else's responses, so sorry if I'm redundant.
> 
> I've had manic depression for years now. But what gets me through, is the "little things" Like the other day, I stopped and noticed the ice on a branch. And it was beautiful. That was a good day for me.
> 
> Stuff like that really really helps. Like how my dog looks ridiculously cute right now when she's asleep.


 
I do that man as it goes. Because I love nature so much sometimes I just stop and watch the rain, or birds outside etc. The simple beauty of it reminds me of where humanity came from, which is nature in its purest form. It genuinely makes me want to go and live in the forest though. 



trb said:


> Need motivation? Join the military.


 
Depressed suicidal person joining the military...seems like a perfectly good idea to me!


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## Uncle Remus (Dec 17, 2010)

trb said:


> Need motivation? Join the military.


 
ROFLMFAOBBQ

Uncle Sam has infiltrated SS.org


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## Scar Symmetry (Dec 17, 2010)

You know the single most important thing I have realised in my life is this:

You see what you want to see.

Focus on the bad and it will manifest itself. Focus on the good and it will manifest itself.

You are in the driving seat, choose to not let fear control you and just do what makes you happy.

The soul needs to be taken care of - give it too much of the wrong fuel and you will find it diminishing.


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## Ckackley (Dec 17, 2010)

Customisbetter said:


> Life is a game, specifically an RPG. When you are depressed, you are bored or don't like how things are going.
> 
> Solution: Level up. Get a hobby that you can get better at. I'm not talking photography, you already kick ass at that. Get something you find mildly interesting but have no idea how to do.
> 
> ...



This man is a genius. I was in the same place at your age man. I finally got OUT, started doing whatever I could. Working out, going to a concert, just going outside for a walk. I still have a hard time when there's nothign going on . So I FIND something to do. It makes for an exhausting lifestyle but I get SO much done. I guess you could call it harnessing a problem for good maybe ?


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## Scar Symmetry (Dec 17, 2010)

Xiphos68 said:


> But I would just try to look at the good things of life and do what you enjoy most.



This is very good advice, good call Hunter


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## Scar Symmetry (Dec 17, 2010)

techcoreriffman said:


> I didn't read everyone else's responses, so sorry if I'm redundant.
> 
> I've had manic depression for years now. But what gets me through, is the "little things" Like the other day, I stopped and noticed the ice on a branch. And it was beautiful. That was a good day for me.
> 
> Stuff like that really really helps. Like how my dog looks ridiculously cute right now when she's asleep.



Being grateful for the things we often take for granted helps a lot


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## Guitarmiester (Dec 17, 2010)

Motivation is not going to come to you, you need to find ways to motivate yourself. It's easier said than done, but you need to put forth the effort to try things out of your norm. That will be tough with low self-confidence, but the results will really turn things around for you. 

Exercise and a new diet was a great suggestion. That doesn't mean you need to be entering strong man contests. Work toward a healthier diet and start small with your exercise routine. Going to the gym should not be a deterrent. Create goals and push yourself to reach them. If you don't want to go to the gym, go out and buy a dumbell set, pull up bar, weight bench, go running, bicycling, etc. You're letting depression get to you if you find excuses not to do something. 

I went through a rough patch 3 years ago that wasn't easy to get through, but I knew I had to make changes in order to pick myself up. Motivation isn't going to come from anyone/anywhere else but yourself. You've realized it's time to make some changes, so create a list of goals to work toward. Those goals will be your initial motivation. Once you start accomplishing things, you'll feel much better about yourself and continue down this new path. 

Don't turn to medication, it's not the answer. Too many people rely on meds for such miniscule things these days.


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## RaceCar (Dec 17, 2010)

I will tell you one thing. I'm 24 now, and I went through a VERY similar experience as you. when I was 20, it was the single most depressing year of my life. I ALSO had my gf of 4 years (who I thought I was going to marry) leave me for another guy, and found out she also had been cheating on me for 2 years. Thats right, 2 fucking years, she pulled it off. 

20 is an insanely tough time. And you know what my Mom told me? She said that "most men would say that 20s are a very tough and depressing time."

Trust me, I know where you are coming from. Everything seems grey, no direction, no motivation, severe emotional numbness/depression. I've been there. I used to wake up every morning with a big "sighhhh" because it felt like "Oh great. Another fucking day I have to get through, dealing with the fact that everything my gf ever told me was a lie. When will this all be over?!?"

It takes some time man. There's no denying that. I think once you get past age 20, a new year will begin, and althought it might take a while to get over your ex, you WILL. Don't ever listen to anyone who says "First love is the only love." That is the biggest crock of shit ive ever heard. I thought my ex was the only one for me, that there wasnt a single soul in the universe that was as good for me as her, and guess what? At age 23 I found a girl who I love more than I ever thought was possible, it TRIPLES the love i felt for my ex, and Ive been with her for 2 years. And she literally just came out of nowhere. I promise you man, the next time you find a girl and fall in love,_ it will knock you on your ass with how powerful it will be._ That is a guarantee.

My best advice for you are the following 3 things. These are the only pieces of advice that succesfully helped me through a major, dark, deep depression like you are currently witnessing:

1. Regarding the girl - remember this quote: *"Your pride will keep you company until you find something better." * Just put your foot down and say to yourself "I deserve better, I deserve a equal, mutual balanced love and anything else is bullshit."

2. Be around as many friends as possible, distract yourself. Being alone in solitude is the WORST possible thing you can do to yourself right now. You need to be around people to truly realize how awesome everything can be. 

3. You need to distract yourself with whatever else you can, especially music/guitar/metal. Music is a great escape from reality, if not the_ best._

You'll get through it man, like I said, 20 is a really hard time for any man. But it will get better, it does get better. Every man has a serious lull at one point or another. But when it's good again, it will be FUCKING AWESOME and you will appreciate it so much more. "You can't have the sweet without the sour."

Hope any of this nonsense helps man. Cheers and keep your head up.


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## orb451 (Dec 17, 2010)

There's a lot of good advice in here Ross  Remember, fundamentally, you are NOT alone. I know that's the dumbest, most cliche thing to say, but trust me, you're not. Lots of us have been there at one point or another in our lives.

I think maybe the girlfriend situation is weighing on you more than you might realize. Low self-esteem or low self-image + breakup = questioning one's worth. Especially if you know it was for "someone else". Makes you think and feel worthless. You're not dude, and you already know that in time, that pain will pass. And the worst part about having no motivation and being depressed is that it's a cycle. 

It just compounds and snowballs, that feeling of hopelessness, disinterest and withdrawal. 

Like I said, there's a lot of good advice in here so far, I'd take that advice and adapt it to you personally. If you're not comfortable turning into a gym rat, then don't, do what makes *you* comfortable, but *try*. Try to do things that bring you out of your shell. A tiny bit at a time. You're starting your 20's man, that should be *the* time to enjoy the living FUCK out of life. But instead of worrying about things long term, like when you'll feel better, why you should be *over* it by now, etc, don't kick yourself in the nuts any longer than you have to and just take each day as it comes. That's all you can do.

And don't kill yourself. Just don't. You shit yourself dude. Do you really want to shit yourself in front of everyone? I didn't think so. So don't do it. Jokes aside though, speaking as someone that's had a gun to his head, it's NOT the thing to do. So don't. 

And one last bit, regarding doctors, if you tried one and it didn't take, you could/should try another. BUT, you might be the type of person that just doesn't feel comfortable opening up to some random yahoo face-to-face. Or the idea of going to some office somewhere to hash things out, on the spot, starting and stopping by the almighty clock just makes you uncomfortable or annoyed, then don't beat yourself up over it. Don't dwell on that. You have an outlet on here, nothing sad about that at all. 

I do hope you feel better!


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## Revan132 (Dec 17, 2010)

RaceCar said:


> I will tell you one thing. I'm 24 now, and I went through a VERY similar experience as you. when I was 20, it was the single most depressing year of my life. I ALSO had my gf of 4 years (who I thought I was going to marry) leave me for another guy, and found out she also had been cheating on me for 2 years. Thats right, 2 fucking years, she pulled it off.
> 
> 20 is an insanely tough time. And you know what my Mom told me? She said that "most men would say that 20s are a very tough and depressing time."
> 
> ...


 
My girlfriend of almost 4 years just broke up with me 2 days ago. I wrote down the 2 quotes in step #1...thanks for that! 
Depression freakin' sucks man, I feel like shit but hopefully it will all get better in time.


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## Randy (Dec 17, 2010)

Deconstruction comes out this coming year.

/thread


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## megano28 (Dec 17, 2010)

Sometimes people become depressed due to a lack of variety, try to change up your schedule...if you are always doing something, you won't have time to feel bad for yourself. Try hanging out with new people and if you an introverted person, force yourself to get out there, you'll go through hell as you do it, but if you think about it like a video game, it'll be valuable EXP in the long run. 
Hey man, when it comes to confidence, sometimes you kind of have to fake it, until it begins to develop. When I was around 10-11 I was a little fat kid in elementary school. None of the girls paid attention to me, always had some fat joke thrown my way and my parents didn't help at all, they'd used any opportunity to tell me I needed to lose weight. To be honest I felt like shit, during that period of my life probably the worst I've ever been. When I got to around age 12-13, I grew like 6-8 inches(5'8") and consequently slimed down, I picked up soccer/weight lifting and metal music. Metal gave me the "I Don't Give A Fuck" mentality while soccer/weights help my conditioning. Because of these two, all of a sudden, girls started talking to me more, and size and build intimidated most guys. I was an introverted guy before this happened, but I decided to put myself out there and because of it I improved my social skills. I ended up becoming pretty successful with the girls, yet I had never had a GF before 7th grade. I had to fake my confidence those first years of my improved fitness, because I was a wreck prior to it. Yet eventually it grew to the point that I am now.
My point TS, is that you should try tone up(or pick up a sport), so you feel better about yourself on the outside, and use fake confidence, as a substitutte, until it has genuinely grown inside you. You can try setting baby step goals as well so that you have something to look forward to. If you do this though, I suggest you make a bet with someone or something though, as you are more likely to do it if you have someone who will be 'checking' you as you go along.


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## TXDeathMetal (Dec 17, 2010)

Don't let your past define or dictate your future. Just because you've been through and experienced hard times doesn't mean that's who you are or who you're going to be, you have to have faith in yourself that you WILL overcome this and make something great out of yourself. I think you should get back in school (not the same one as the ex obviously as thats just not a good situation for you to be in and will distract you from your studies) and work towards a career that you'll be happy with. As others have suggested start working out because if you stick with it and start looking good then you'll start feeling good and better about yourself. Maybe take up writing... just write down your thoughts, write lyrics or poems or a short story, etc... Maybe take up an outdoors activity like fishing, the reason I say this is because it will provide you an outlet or a form of escapism where you can be one with nature and just relax and enjoy the peace and quiet of your surroundings... it's very soothing and therapeutic.


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## vampiregenocide (Dec 17, 2010)

Thanks for the advice guys. I'm trying to be optimistic, but its getting harder, especially now I'm done with education and I have to concentrate on a career now. I'm having trouble putting that into perspective. 



Randy said:


> Deconstruction comes out this coming year.
> 
> /thread


 
True. 



RaceCar said:


> I will tell you one thing. I'm 24 now, and I went through a VERY similar experience as you. when I was 20, it was the single most depressing year of my life. I ALSO had my gf of 4 years (who I thought I was going to marry) leave me for another guy, and found out she also had been cheating on me for 2 years. Thats right, 2 fucking years, she pulled it off.
> 
> 20 is an insanely tough time. And you know what my Mom told me? She said that "most men would say that 20s are a very tough and depressing time."
> 
> ...


 
Thanks for those bits of advice man, I am trying those at the moment, but I don't know. I write a lot of music, poetry and shit to try and get things out of my mind, but its one of those moods where you're so pissed off you can't even get those feelings down.


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## RaceCar (Dec 17, 2010)

vampiregenocide said:


> but its getting harder, especially now I'm done with education and I have to concentrate on a career now. I'm having trouble putting that into perspective.



Believe me man thats one of the hardest transitions in life that NOBODY can prepare you for, even tho they may try all your life. Its called a middle life crisis (or a quarter life crisis in your case). I went through that last year when I was 23. Its a MINDFUCK going from the comfort and excitement of school immediatlely to the real world. But you'll get used to it. At first its a real shocker, but ask anyone, we all go through it. Also, just look at it this way: you're never "done" with education. You can always go back. Who knows what your interests will be in 10 years. Or you might find a job where you don't necessarily need education. 

Just try not to compile everything into one miserable lump, which is what you're doing right now. Just accept that its mainly the loss of your girlfriend that is causing this depression (and I'm sure it is). I know that everything else can seem grim without her, but that will mend with time and pride. Take advantages of the little things in life too, like a tasty metal riff, a nice piss while taking a warm shower, a cold tasty beer, etc. The little things in life help remind you that *you're lucky to be alive*. Here's another good quote that will get you through the dark ages:

"Happiness depends more on *inward disposition* of the mind, rather than outward circumstances."


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## Adam Of Angels (Dec 17, 2010)

Some smart mother fuckers around these parts


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## Stealthdjentstic (Dec 17, 2010)

Scar Symmetry said:


> You know the single most important thing I have realised in my life is this:
> 
> You see what you want to see.
> 
> ...



Great advice is great 

It all works like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Try faking it till you make it so to say. If you feel bad pretend to be really happy and act outgoing and soon you'll become that way. Act like you're full of confidence and soon you'll become full of confidence. Some people might call you narcissistic but you should just remind them you're realistic.


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## Meatbucket (Dec 17, 2010)

Adam Of Angels said:


> Some wise mother fuckers around these parts


Edited for good graces.  
Also: The more posts I read, the more I love this place.


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## Scar Symmetry (Dec 17, 2010)

Stealthtastic said:


> Great advice is great
> 
> It all works like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
> 
> Try faking it till you make it so to say. If you feel bad pretend to be really happy and act outgoing and soon you'll become that way. Act like you're full of confidence and soon you'll become full of confidence. Some people might call you narcissistic but you should just remind them you're realistic.


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## vampiregenocide (Dec 17, 2010)

Stealthtastic said:


> Great advice is great
> 
> It all works like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
> 
> Try faking it till you make it so to say. If you feel bad pretend to be really happy and act outgoing and soon you'll become that way. Act like you're full of confidence and soon you'll become full of confidence. Some people might call you narcissistic but you should just remind them you're realistic.


 
Man if you met me you'd see I'm a pretty happy, confident and out-going person. A lot of these issues I talk about I keep under wraps to myself, and just carry on with life.



Meatbucket said:


> Also: The more posts I read, the more I love this place.


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## Stealthdjentstic (Dec 17, 2010)

Meatbucket said:


> Edited for good graces.
> Also: The more posts I read, the more I love this place.



...until you realize the mods don't wear pants.


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## Scar Symmetry (Dec 17, 2010)

Stealthtastic said:


> ...until you realize the mods don't wear pants.



Then you love this place even more.


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## megano28 (Dec 17, 2010)

vampiregenocide said:


> Man if you met me you'd see I'm a pretty happy, confident and out-going person. A lot of these issues I talk about I keep under wraps to myself, and just carry on with life.


 

Just faking does not fix the problem, you should really think about your best qualities and then try to magnify them as much as possible...in order to truly feel confident, you have to believe that you are a valuable person. Being happy is about being satisfied/content with what you have...keep that in mind. Faking happiness and then substituting it with real happiness is different than creating a façade and leaving it that way...


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## vampiregenocide (Dec 18, 2010)

True man, but like what has been said, eventually kaing happiness and telling yourself to be happy can become real happiness. 

Once again thank you everyone for all the advice and kind words both in this thread and the rep I've been recieving. It means a lot and has given me a real lift. This is exactly why this is the best forum on the net. If I ever get to travel the globe, I will buy all of you a drink.


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## megano28 (Dec 18, 2010)

vampiregenocide said:


> True man, but like what has been said, eventually kaing happiness and telling yourself to be happy can become real happiness.


 
True, but in order for that to work, you need to assess what you have and then realise you are content with what you have, that is the root of real happiness. It's something you have to do while you are faking it, in order for it to become genuine.


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## Justin Bailey (Dec 18, 2010)

Same place as you man, still in school but I recently broke up with my girl of almost 5 years, and it's kind of sent me into a spiral, I'm 20 as well. Kinda have a pretty bleak outlook on life. I feel everything you've said, man. If you ever need someone to chat with, shoot me a pm any time.


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## MrTheBerry (Dec 18, 2010)

trb said:


> Need motivation? Join the military.


 
Go discover Metallica. Or re-discover them. Seriously. Anesthesia (pulling Teeth) and Orion are good places to start. Throw on some Orion and lay back and just close your eyes and roll with it.

Or join the military.


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## Meatbucket (Dec 18, 2010)

Stealthtastic said:


> ...until you realize the mods don't wear pants.


I don't either, especially during my Ocarina of Time time, it helps me concentrate.


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## tacotiklah (Dec 18, 2010)

Ross, I think I can help you out with this one bro. 

I've been committed twice (5150) and was diagnosed with severe chronic depression. I know you're probably feeling what I was feeling back when they wanted me on meds. I felt that I was somehow weak and less of a man because I would have to take 2 pills everyday for the rest of my life. I can tell you from experience that it isn't all that bad really. To be honest, taking Prozac for my depression and Ativan for my insomnia made my life better. I wasn't so unmotivated that it took me 4 hours in order to even get out of my room to take a shower, and I started caring more about my hygiene and treating myself right. The ativan helped me go to bed at a decent hour and as a result, I wasn't going to bed at 9 in the morning and waking up at 5 in the afternoon. I could lead a fairly normal life.

I hate doctors that act impersonal and just give you a prescription and then a foot in the ass out the door later as well. But I do believe that in some people (like me) there is a chemical imbalance that needs to be regulated. Antidepressants do this for you by correcting the seratonin levels in your brain.
As a positive side effect, it also corrected my ADD problems I was having by allowing me to focus much more clearly. I did a test of this by playing a series of chess puzzles before I started my meds. After about 3 weeks of being on them, I did a similar (though not exact, otherwise I'd know the answers already) set of puzzles and my score was about double.
I'm not saying this will happen with you, just that it helped me in more ways than one.

But meds alone won't do it for you. You have to make yourself active. By active, I don't mean going to work and then coming home and sitting on your bed hating life for the rest of the evening. I mean talking with people and making connections and relationships. By finding your inner charisma, you'll find your self-worth as well. 

Other things you can do that help:
- Cut down on alcohol consumption. This just makes the problem worse, and if you ARE on meds like prozac, it will make one beer feel like you just drank 4. The headache you feel the next day after doing that will be close to unbearable. I'd advise against it.

- Read. A. LOT. Especially more uplifting literature. Chicken soup for the soul is a great series that helps put things in perspective for you. In fact, I find that the more I read, the less depressed I feel.

- Exercise. Your typical 9-5 work movements won't cut it. You gotta get to a gym, or else invest in a good set of headphones/mp3 player and then start hitting the trail. I know people will tell you to get a treadmill, but there is something more rewarding about getting outside, breathing fresh air, and seeing the sights while you build up your body.

-Diet. Fix it. I can't remember exactly all the details, but I've seen on the news about scientists studying how poor eating choices can be a factor in depression. Eat more leafy greens and veggies, and all that jazz. You'll find that you'll feel better about yourself when you start to look good because you're taking better care of yourself.

-Pets. They are the best for people with broken hearts. If it wasn't for my cat Taylor, I have no idea how I would've gotten over me breaking up with my ex-fiancee. I wouldn't eat for 3 days after it happened and all I would do was curl up in bed and lay there before and after work. My cat would see that I was hurting and curl up next to me and purr. Once I swear he opened up his front paws and gave me a hug. As emo and "ghey" as it sounds, it really helped me through that. Also, the added responsibility of cleaning/feeding your pet will increase your self-worth.

-Don't be agoraphobic. This kinda ties in the with first one, but I find that the more you stick around at your house, the more you kinda brood over things and fall back into depression. Force yourself to get out of bed and find things that are worth living for. Which brings me to the next thing:

-Count your blessings. You honestly have a lot more going for you than you think you do. Some days are rough and you have to nitpick to find good things, but they are good things none the less. I remember during those 3 days, suicidal thoughts came often, but I told myself "No, because if I die, who's gonna take care of my cat?"
Even things like that will keep you from doing the worst thing you could do, which is killing yourself. Trust me when I say that it isn't worth it. When I attempted to hang myself in my closet, I was dead for a couple of minutes before they brought me back. It scared the shit out of everybody I knew and I hated myself even more for putting them through that.

And no, mental wards are not as cool as people make them out to be. It's essentially a prison and you're stuck in a room all by yourself. They won't even let you have blankets, in case you decide to use them to kill yourself.

The best advice I can give you though, is see a doctor right away. If they don't even at least try to talk to you, find a new one. Don't give up on them; keep looking for the right doctor. For all you know it could be a matter of life or death.


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## vampiregenocide (Dec 20, 2010)

Thanks for all those pointers man I appreciate it, I'm going to get on the phone to the doctor and sort something out.


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## Scar Symmetry (Dec 20, 2010)

I'm going to re-iterate what someone else said about getting good at something.

Guitar, Call of Duty and cooking are my go-to ego boosters 

Even cleaning can give you a sense of satisfaction, it's very therapeutic.


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## Meatbucket (Dec 20, 2010)

Scar Symmetry said:


> Even cleaning can give you a sense of satisfaction, it's very therapeutic.



So is a herb garden.

And no, not that herb, fucking stoners.


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## vampiregenocide (Dec 21, 2010)

Scar Symmetry said:


> I'm going to re-iterate what someone else said about getting good at something.
> 
> Guitar, Call of Duty and cooking are my go-to ego boosters
> 
> Even cleaning can give you a sense of satisfaction, it's very therapeutic.


 
Same bro, except Halo instead of COD, and guitar pisses me off a lot because I'm not good enough.  Sometimes I do randomly clean everything, or organise things. I'm kinda messy in an OCD way (I leave things in certain places, and thats how I like it, not necessarily clean but I have my own way of organising or not organising things).


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## Bobo (Dec 21, 2010)

First off I hope you get to a happier mindset Ross. I don't guess I've ever been in a really bad depression, but I think most if not everyone goes through times where they feel somewhat depressed. So don't feel too alone, and of course try to talk to people for help (hope this little thread has, and maybe more counseling is worth a shot). 

As others have said, try to focus on the positive and really try to find the things in life that make you happy. I find stuff I hate everyday. Things in people that I'm totally disgusted by. I think that the area I live in can't be best for me with the type of people I generally find around here. When you can't relate and identify with many people, and end up just rolling your eyes at most people, it can make you...well maybe depressed is too strong a word, but it dims life for sure. But I still find myself looking forward to the positive things, and trying to find new positive things. I'll never be king of the world, but I know I have good things, and it sounds like you do too. Find more and don't let depression win. Ok, that last comment sounded like a lame pep talk from the ole ball coach lol, but hey, laughter can always help too, right?


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## KingAenarion (Dec 21, 2010)

This is going to sound really odd...

Do you find that you PHYSICALLY lack motivation to do things.

Because I have a friend who was like that. It ended up being they were gluten intolerant...

Told you it was odd, but it's possible, and she changed her diet and felt WAY better.

Not trying to detract from actual depression, but it's a small possibility. I think it's like 90% of people who are Gluten intolerant or are Coeliacs don't know.


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## vampiregenocide (Dec 21, 2010)

Cheers for the advice man, I am trying to see positives where I can.

And yeah to be honest it does kinda feel that way. I don't know, I have no idea what normal lack of motivation would feel like.


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## josh pelican (Dec 21, 2010)

I thought I'd be able to come in here and help you out... but unfortunately I'm on pills.

I went to counselling for two years (for depression, anxiety, _and_ anger management), which made things worse.

At the time I was only in junior high so the "doctor" kept telling me I'm a teenager and I will grow out of it. I will leave out all the personal details of why I should have been on medication then, or for the following few years.

I went on through the next few years down in the dumps all the time. Finally I went to a new doctor and I've been antidepressants for five or six years now, maybe longer. I'm not happy, but I'm not depressed. I'm... somewhat content.

If you want to talk to anyone, Ross, I'm your man. That is, if you don't want a "professional", but someone with years of personal experience. I've been battling depression since... well, since I can remember.


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## vampiregenocide (Dec 21, 2010)

Cheers man, good (In a manner of speaking) to see someone who has dealt with the same issues and has their own results.

Do you feel a bit emotionally numb sometimes? Like you feel stuff should affect you but doesn't?


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## JJ Rodriguez (Dec 22, 2010)




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## josh pelican (Dec 22, 2010)

vampiregenocide said:


> Cheers man, good (In a manner of speaking) to see someone who has dealt with the same issues and has their own results.
> 
> Do you feel a bit emotionally numb sometimes? Like you feel stuff should affect you but doesn't?



Yeah, man. All the time. I can go days without really feeling anything. I sometimes have to just force a few smiles and keep going.


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## megano28 (Dec 23, 2010)

vampiregenocide said:


> Do you feel a bit emotionally numb sometimes? Like you feel stuff should affect you but doesn't?


 
Yeah I've felt like that lately, my uncle was murdered last month, I saw the way it wrecked my mom and I truly wanted to feel bad, but I couldn't...I felt guilty for not being able mourn, I felt like a monster to be honest


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## vampiregenocide (Dec 23, 2010)

josh pelican said:


> Yeah, man. All the time. I can go days without really feeling anything. I sometimes have to just force a few smiles and keep going.


 
I've heard meds can do that, that they turn you into a bit of an emotional zombie.



megano28 said:


> Yeah I've felt like that lately, my uncle was murdered last month, I saw the way it wrecked my mom and I truly wanted to feel bad, but I couldn't...I felt guilty for not being able mourn, I felt like a monster to be honest


 
I reacted very weirdly when my step father killed himself. Obviously I felt bad but I didn't react how I expected. Then a while later I really started missing him and feeling shit that I nor anyone else helped him. Sometimes grief takes a while to kick in, and you don't quite register what has happened until you go a while without that person in your life. Death is a pretty foreign subject in most people's lives, so when it does come up not everyone reacts in the way you imagine. Don't feel bad about it, because that can really fuck you up. Someone dying is bad enough without bringing even more emotional baggage into it.


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## megano28 (Dec 23, 2010)

vampiregenocide said:


> I reacted very weirdly when my step father killed himself. Obviously I felt bad but I didn't react how I expected. Then a while later I really started missing him and feeling shit that I nor anyone else helped him. Sometimes grief takes a while to kick in, and you don't quite register what has happened until you go a while without that person in your life. Death is a pretty foreign subject in most people's lives, so when it does come up not everyone reacts in the way you imagine. Don't feel bad about it, because that can really fuck you up. Someone dying is bad enough without bringing even more emotional baggage into it.


 
thanks man, I'll keep that in mind


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## stryker1800 (Jan 12, 2011)

I don't know that i have much advice for you, Ive been kinda on an emotional roller coaster going from super happy to super sad since i got out of high school almost 4 years ago.

I really got to agree with the little things in life advice, for me right now its a girl that recently returned to my life, I'll leave out most of the details but originally there wasn't a very strong connection between though we were friend probably due to working together but now that she no longer works with me we have an incredible connection and just the littlest things when we hang out is what makes it special and makes me feel like I'm actually in control of my life.

Whenever I'm down and i know exactly what it is bothering me at that particular time I actually some times either dive into the pool of depression head first and swim for the bottom looking for the drain to empty the pool, or assure myself that it's nothing a just throw it aside looking forward for something brighter generally a friend or something escapist.


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## SpiritCrusher (Jan 22, 2011)

wow this thread is pretty helpful to me... thanks OP and everyone....
definitely gotta agree with the diet/exercise in the morning. when i do that my life is 100x better


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## Insanity (Jan 22, 2011)

For me. It's all about changing up my routine!.
I live up north so up here it's dark ALOT during wintertime and that tends to get me way down. So during the winter I always get myself to bed around ten-ish and wake up around six am. This so that I cant get all the daylight there is.
Also I found that eating healthier food and exercise just get me going all day .
During the summer though I just ride around on my hog and work so I dont really have the time to be depressed then ^^


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## Grank (Jan 22, 2011)

I don't know you but I empathize with your situation completely. I have been diagnosed with a life altering, life changing and life threatening illness. It's called Schizoaffective/Bipolar disorder and I have been through periods of depression that almost claimed my life. I never acted on my feelings and decided to do the act as I made a pact with my Maker and myself never to do so, no matter what. That been said I have made it through a dark Hell and am grateful at this moment I did not.

Your situation is not new to humanity. I am not a professional counselor, doctor or psychiatrist. I'm a professional human and I can say I have lived my life to it's fullest in feeling and thought and mood.

I'm 42 as of this writing to you so that makes me a little wise but I haven't "arrived" yet. Your depression is strong enough to take over your thinking, as mine was years ago. Here are some coping skills that got me through it.


Nothing lasts forever. This includes Depression
You cannot change your mood but you can change your thoughts
No one is more important than you to yourself and well being
It is okay to give yourself time to do the things you want to do

I'm on SSD in the US which means Social Security Disability. I earn money with no means or requirement to pay back what I get a month. I recently got out of the "I cannot", "I will fail" and "I won't try" game I played with myself for 13 years. I believed myself I was inept of even making a living. This is far from the truth, for anyone.

Reach out to a real friend in person or a family member that cares for you. Talk your feelings out and vent them. Express your frustration to someone you can trust.

Grank


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## Guitarman700 (Feb 21, 2011)

Wall of text incoming.
I thought I'd resurrect this thread, although I have no idea if anyone will read it, or why I'm posting on the Internet about this.
My entire life I have struggled with severe depression, and this has led me to be extremely introverted and closed off, if you will. As a result of this, I have never established any meaningful friendships, never had a girlfriend, and generally been labeled a freak and a loner by everyone else. I'm going to be 21 in a few months, and lately I have been hit with crushing sadness and apathy. I feel like I've wasted my best years, I feel alone, and I feel worthless. I have a hard time getting anything done, and I feel on the verge of crying everyday. It may be irrational to feel this way, but I just don't know what to do. 
The only reason I'm typing this at all is because I have no idea where to turn. Maybe someone older and wiser, Who has been in a similar situation, can help me. We'll see.

If you read all this, thank you very much.


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## Justin Bailey (Feb 21, 2011)

I'm in a very similar boat. I haven't delt with depression my entire life, though. But when something bad happens I take it much harder than most people I think. I've been having a terrible time with depression the past 6-7 months. And I've gotten to the point now where its just destroying me. If I don't cry in a day I'm just like you, on the verge of tears at some point. I find it hard to get a lot of work done. I don't have any best friend, or really any friend thats super close. I'm so apathetic that I cant even stand myself at times, and I too feel like I've wasted a lot of time... and yet I can't seem to stop wasting more. So, just know you aren't alone in how you feel, man. I know it's not fun.


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## Guitarman700 (Feb 21, 2011)

Justin Bailey said:


> I'm so apathetic that I cant even stand myself at times, and I too feel like I've wasted a lot of time... and yet I can't seem to stop wasting more.



That's exactly how I feel. EXACTLY. It's like I've tried everything too.


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## Justin Bailey (Feb 21, 2011)

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I feel like I've done nearly everything to fix this. I was sober and just doing whatever I could to take my mind off of it, it still got to me. I've been drinking and doing the unhealthy thing, still gets to me. I've tried getting back into the things I loved, and while they distract me for small moments in time, they never last long enough, and in some way whatever I do just ends up reminding me. I feel like I've been beaten. I try so hard, and it feels like it doesn't amount to shit.


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## yacker (Feb 21, 2011)

To Justin Bailey and Guitarman700
I sympathize with both of you. If you haven't yet, definitely read through every post of this thread because there are some real gems in here. If you have...well then maybe you should reread and ask yourself how each bit of advice might apply to you.

I think one of the most important first steps is to be honest with yourself about the thing(s) that are causing your depression. There can definitely be several contributing factors, but sometimes you don't want to be honest with yourself about one or more of them. I went through a time where I was completely depressed. I couldn't get up the motivation to play music anymore....which had always been my main source of happiness for years and I just didn't want to be honest with myself about the contributing factors. 

Personally a lot of my issues at that time were caused by a girl and perhaps my prior fuck ups with women in general and feeling worthless because of it all. The moral of the story though, is that when you can be honest about the things that are bothering you (and there may be more then one and perhaps even some you don't realize) then you can start being honest about the steps you need to take to solve your problems.

I talked with my guitar instructor about it at the time, and he had already been suspecting I had been having depression issues, because he had/has them as well and he could see it pretty clearly. He didn't have any answers for how to "cure" me, but it's important to understand that everyone is different and thus each person will have something different that pulls them through it all....it's good to realize that because it can be fucking upsetting when you go to doctors or therapist's and they can't say a thing to help you. So it would have been unfair to expect him to have some answer for me. We are the only ones capable of finding an answer for ourselves, but others can certainly provide support and advice. 

Anyway, my instructor seemed to think that this sort of thing was common in musicians....and here I am typing on a musicians forum and seeing all these responses about people who went through similar stuff and I'm starting to believe him. I can't say for certain if this is true for everyone on here, but I feel like musicians or artists generally have this creative itch that needs to be scratched. Some scratch it with writing music, some with learning music, some with painting pictures, the list goes on forever. But I feel like every now and then something comes along that puts a damper on these itches and the scratching that we get used to. Sometimes you have an ex-girlfriend who decides she wants to fuck everything that resembles a penis. That can be depressing and make you feel too depressed to play music and that compounds because you feel worse for not getting anything accomplished...for not scratching that creative itch. Perhaps this also lets down your band mates and they ditch you because of it and that further compounds the problem. To clarify, I'm not saying ex-girlfriends and shitty band mates are the only source of depression, I'm just listing an example......my example.

Anyway, there are a lot of good examples of how to pull yourself back out of the hole. A lot of them are listed in this thread. One person mentioned taking up something new, *something you can get better at*. That's really an excellent piece of advice that I put to use but never put 2 and 2 together to realize that's why it helped. Some activities just require too much thought or are too comfortable for you already. If you take up a new one that's unfamiliar you spend less time sulking inside your head about external things going on. Sometimes if you're feeling just too miserable to do even that activity, video games are good for taking you to a different place then being stuck inside your mind. Having a job that allows you to experience a sense of accomplishment or to have social interactions and to laugh on occasion is also a great help. A job certainly helps in general because if all you do is sit and play video games or do drugs you eventually start to subconsciously feel like you're adding nothing to society.....for most of us, it's part of our cultural upbringing.

I know this has gotten a bit long, so I'll close on one thing. I saw at one point in the thread where it was said that you can do things to distract yourself from your depression but that doesn't solve the problem itself. This is true, but sometimes you really just need that bit of shelter to keep yourself out of the shitty weather in your head. So long as you can make steps to scratch that creative itch in some way (assuming that's something necessary to you), or to keep yourself from feeling like you are adding nothing to society, there's absolutely no reason why you can't spend a decent bit of time distracting yourself from the storm in your head until the clouds clear and the weather starts to look up again. Spend time with friends, do things that make you laugh, do anything in the world you can think of that will make you appreciate the good things in life. Eat some Delicious food....do whatever you can find to make you appreciate the good parts of this world, the parts you take for granted, and you will move forward.

Good luck guys


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## leandroab (Feb 21, 2011)

I'm unfortunately sharing the same feelings as you. A frustrated love life gave me the extra mile to _think_ about the "fuck you life" approach...

Suddenly I was only living to study, eat, and sleep. No motivation whatsoever.

I'm gonna tell you, working out definitely gave me a lot of confidence back. I was skinny with a ginormous beer belly. I gained muscle and lost 40% lol of that treacherous belly. And with more confidence you improve you social life exponentially. 

But the key for me to kinda leave this depression state was to go back to my friends and seek aid with them. And I mean your REAL friends. Living alone with a 92 year old grandpa doesn't help at all the "I'm all alone in dis bitch" thought. So living with your friends for a couple of weeks would definitely help..


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## VBCheeseGrater (Feb 8, 2012)

Customisbetter said:


> Life is a game, specifically an RPG. When you are depressed, you are bored or don't like how things are going.
> 
> Solution: Level up. Get a hobby that you can get better at. I'm not talking photography, you already kick ass at that. Get something you find mildly interesting but have no idea how to do.
> 
> ...



This is really good advice! I've seen studies on this (watching PBS, discovery, whatever) that shows that learning is one of the keys to happiness. People that are constantly trying to get better at something tend to be happy, and there is scientific fact behind it.

But yeah i've been there my life has had its ups and downs, mostly caused by me. Talking about it is good, taking action is better. There are support groups out there too where you can be around people in person that have gone through the same thing - always help to see you're not really that unique - we are all just trying to make it through the day! Perspective is a huge factor. Good luck. PM me anytime.


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## linqua (Feb 9, 2012)

you shouldnt be ego boosting. you should be ego killing. your ego wants to be great and to be very good at alot of things, and unfortunately this isnt the reality for most of us. you want something you cannot have/be/attain, and thats what is a big part of depression. 

find something to do. find multiple hobbies. youre not good enough, practice. no one got anywhere without practice. find something you like doing, that produces a result you can feel good about. strive to become good at something, or just a better person in general. the point is do something to keep your mind occupied. sometimes at work, i need to organize something or clean or sweep something, strangely, i find this theraputic. you are keeping occupied. it might not work for you like it does me, but i sort of have like a touch of ocd at times, and organizing stuff and keeping the edges straight etc comforts me. 

if you are not passionate about life, then you should be getting out and doing something, while not being all pessimistic about actually doing so, and finding something that you like and are passionate about. you dont need to be "good" at anything, just find something that makes you feel good, and something you want to do. essentially, find something to live for. long story short, ive gone through bouts of depression and many existential crisis and mental breakdowns and things, and i myself have come a long way since i was 16 or 17. i am just 21, just turned in december. so dont think you are too young, or too old for something. age is just how long youve been here for, not where you should be mentally. i honestly feel like i never went through any sort of superficial typical high school phase or kiddish depression. my worries were always about much bigger things than all that shit, like i said, existential crisis and etc. im in a much better place now, but these things still get at me at times. one thing youll learn, is that no matter where you are, there will always be sadness sometimes. but it is necessary. anyway, getting a bit back to my point, like i said ive come a long way myself, and for one, i am extremely extremely passionate about music far and above anything else. i am passionate about music, and life, and living and experiencing etc. sometimes i simply sit there and think about how crazy it is that were all here, and i look around, and no matter how lame my surroundings are at the given moment, i am wowed that its all here, and that i am not in a place of poverty or something like that, and that i am able to enjoy life without too many problems. sometimes i just sit and think about all this shit, and how great living is, and how great music is, or something along those lines and i am brought to tears by the beauty of life. 

anyway, that was alot bigger than i thought it would be. but, depression can be debilitating i know, but its alot simpler to overcome than you think. it always seems more intense while youre in, but after youre out, it seems like nothing. just find something to help you get out. find something that is seemingly impossible, and find the motivation to do it.

one last thing, dont be a bitch/pussy. im not trying to insult you. i tell this to myself all the time. you are a man. dont sit and sulk or any bullshit like that. you want something? go fucking get it. you can get very weak in depression, and thats one good trick to help. its actually helped me alot in the past.


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## Justin Bailey (Feb 12, 2012)

Stumbled on this thread again. How are some of you guys doing with your depression? I hope better.


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## Burgess (Feb 14, 2012)

Hi vampire,
Some tips for you to deal with depression.
Do start some light exercise like yoga, eat a well balanced diet and increase water intake. Share your problems with your family and pals and avoid caffeine, alcohol and other stimulants. If you do not eat well take multivitamin regularly.


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## Justin Bailey (Feb 14, 2012)

Thank god, I'm not gonna kill myself anymore, you saved my life


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## linqua (Feb 15, 2012)

XD


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## Justin Bailey (Feb 15, 2012)

I know it's kind of mean, but as someone who has been... sick for a long time I can't tell you how disgusted I've become when I hear shit like that from people, I know they're just trying to help, but it's so insulting to us, it's like they don't understand the scale at which things are in our minds. They don't understand the doom. Most people's understanding of depression is being bummed out for a little while, and that's far from what it is. Depression is nothingness. Nothing works, nothing helps, nothing you do is right, nothing anyone else does is right. Not a single thing gives you joy and you have no hope. Every moment in your head is this up and down, back and forth, neurotic pattern of thought thats constantly trying to figure out what to do and is constantly coming up with no answers, and it feeds your self hate, and it feeds your hopelessness. Every moment ends with thoughts of ending it. If you pass a certain point you become obsessed with death, suicide is a constant thought and the only logical option.

At least that's how it feels to me. But I'll start drinking more water and taking vitamins.


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## megano28 (Feb 15, 2012)

I've been there man, the thing about depression is that it puts you into that vicious cycle. You don't want no one to help you. You don't want to go out. You don't want to get in your daily work out. Fighting depression is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, especially if you were like me and had no support from anyone. It isn't as easy as it's made to sound, but the steps given are the starting point. I managed to fight my demons and I'm winning for the time being. Pessimism is depression's best friend and to act like it's only matter of time before you put a bullet in your brain only means you won't be getting better any time soon. I needed a slap of reality to realize I was headed to an early grave to get me out of it. Maybe you do too? 

That first step will be the hardest because you don't want to get out of it, but the rest follow with time, patience and willpower


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## Justin Bailey (Feb 15, 2012)

I was just trying to express my point of view.


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## megano28 (Feb 15, 2012)

As was I


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## pushpull7 (Feb 16, 2012)

Justin Bailey said:


> I know it's kind of mean, but as someone who has been... sick for a long time I can't tell you how disgusted I've become when I hear shit like that from people, I know they're just trying to help, but it's so insulting to us, it's like they don't understand the scale at which things are in our minds. They don't understand the doom. Most people's understanding of depression is being bummed out for a little while, and that's far from what it is. Depression is nothingness. Nothing works, nothing helps, nothing you do is right, nothing anyone else does is right. Not a single thing gives you joy and you have no hope. Every moment in your head is this up and down, back and forth, neurotic pattern of thought thats constantly trying to figure out what to do and is constantly coming up with no answers, and it feeds your self hate, and it feeds your hopelessness. Every moment ends with thoughts of ending it. If you pass a certain point you become obsessed with death, suicide is a constant thought and a the only logical option.
> 
> At least that's how it feels to me. But I'll start drinking more water and taking vitamins.



I suffer from chronic depression. People that are "well" do not understand.

Actually, EDIT, many people that fucking trained to deal with people who are chronically depressed don't understand :grrrrrrrrrr:


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## Justin Bailey (Feb 16, 2012)

chrisharbin said:


> I suffer from chronic depression. People that are "well" do not understand.
> 
> Actually, EDIT, many people that fucking trained to deal with people who are chronically depressed don't understand :grrrrrrrrrr:



I know what you mean, man. And they all mean well, it just gets so frustrating when you hear someone go "Oh, you know what you need to do, you need to go for a jog/you need to do some yoga/you need to take some this or that/you need to blah blah blah. When I get bummed out I go for a jog and I feel great after" as if they want to die and then go for a jog and they're great. They mean well, but their lack of understanding can be frustrating. For both sides.


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## Vinchester (Feb 16, 2012)

To all the depressed people in this thread that lives in the UK,

it's the fucking weather. 

No, seriously. I'm from Thailand and being here really depressed me. In the last 18 months I have gone through times when I was near breakdown (nothing suicidal just feeling very bummed for a few days) Being from a tropical country where the sun shines the whole year makes me realize how gloomy the UK weather is. All day of blue and grey, and even the daytime is short! I remember reading somewhere that people in the Scandinavia who has to live with long and dark winters really kill themselves over this. 

The constant sun back home just makes life more vivid, clearer and... warmer lol!

EDIT : on a more serious note, depression in certain cases are a clinical issue i.e. you need a real doctor because something's wrong with your body. For me, I'm gonna fight my inner demons with my own strength because my condition is not severe. I think the cure is to find the passion in your life and immerse yourself in things that are beautiful to you. If that doesn't work then try reading about Buddhism. The religion specializes in dealing with suffering.


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## pushpull7 (Feb 16, 2012)

Justin Bailey said:


> I know what you mean, man. And they all mean well, it just gets so frustrating when you hear someone go "Oh, you know what you need to do, you need to go for a jog/you need to do some yoga/you need to take some this or that/you need to blah blah blah. When I get bummed out I go for a jog and I feel great after" as if they want to die and then go for a jog and they're great. They mean well, but their lack of understanding can be frustrating. For both sides.



It's a serious problem. Don't take this wrong and I haven't read the whole thread but for many professional help is the only thing. And THAT is frustrating too because you may not find the right doctor at first. One thing I can say is there is nothing that will "pull you out" w/o serious dedication. I know the anger, the helplessness, the lack of a will to live. I got lucky and found the right doctor and right place to go. Now it's just checking up on my meds but I did the whole shabang at one time. Groups, classes, got educated on the subject and got around others in the same boat. Frustrating because I don't like to listen but it really did help allot. Learned about myself. This probably just sounds patronizing but it's not meant to be. I live it.


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## Justin Bailey (Feb 16, 2012)

I'm at a point where I'm almost more afraid of a normal life than I am of actually kicking the bucket.


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## pushpull7 (Feb 16, 2012)

understandable. It's a tough road, I know the journey.


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## Justin Bailey (Feb 16, 2012)

It's an incredibly exhausting road. It's debilitating. I don't mean to whine.


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## pushpull7 (Feb 16, 2012)

You are not whining, you are reaching for help. I don't have the professional help, all I can do is hope that something I say "clicks" and that you can move a little further away from darkness and understand that you are not alone.


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## Justin Bailey (Feb 16, 2012)

I'm not even really trying to reach for help. I'm pretty dead set on what I want haha.


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## Micah55 (Feb 18, 2012)

hey dude, i tried to skim through all the posts as best as possible but I think this is a point that alot of people dont really touch on when it comes to depresion and that is, learn to let go of thinking.

It sounds kind of funny but there really is an amazing 'power of now'. To me constantly thinking, thinking about your future, thinking about your life is extremely obessesive and addicting, trust me dude 90% of what is hurting you is your own thoughts. Like in a way you can become addicted to your own misery... I've been there, I am still am there, being miserable is addicting because all it takes if for you to sink far back into your shell, it can help you escape reality in a really painful way, think of it as cutting yourself in a way. You simply are causing yourself pain to maybe relieve more physical or immediate anxiety.

I'm not really good at expressing myself in posts like these man but I saw you showing some frustration over advice that I've been given alot and I found the same problems in as you, exercising and eating healthy and all the stuff can make you feel great but it still doesnt really stop you from thinking those really dark negative thoughts when your totally alone. Don't let it consume you. 

Really hope this helps you man.


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## Justin Bailey (Feb 20, 2012)

I just need to let jesus into my heart


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## rahul_mukerji (Feb 20, 2012)

Actually sometimes that helps: Belief.

I can't tell you the number of times I've seen people's belief gets them through the hardest times. Whether it be belief in Mother nature or Jesus or Krishna or a stone that has a picture of a gecko.

And, from personal experience, I've seen beliefs literally change circumstances, which no amount of logical reasoning can seem to explain. Sometimes things just work !

And ummmm .... Friends, the positive kind, help a lot .... A LOT !!


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## Justin Bailey (Feb 21, 2012)

Yeah It's always been fascinating to me how just through their belief system some people can just convince themselves of things, or change their thinking or whatever.


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## Anonymous (Feb 28, 2012)

I saw where you said you didn't want to be on a lot of pills, I was put on just one for depression and I've noticed a drastic change. Stuff seems funny again, I play guitar more and enjoy it a lot more, I hang out with friends more now. It was just a big change. I'd totally recommend it. I hate being on pills as well, but its helped. 
You don't know me or anything, but listening to someone that has been there and done that may help you.
Hope you find some help man.


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## Blake1970 (Jun 4, 2012)

I just need a big break from everything. I have never been one to use up most of my vacation hours all at once, but I'm just mentally tired of the bump and grind from working and being around people. I'm going to workout at my gym, read, play guitar and try and relax.


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## TheBigGroove (Jun 4, 2012)

Blake1970 said:


> I'm going to workout at my gym, read, play guitar and try and relax.



And honestly this is some great medicine. I know the guy a few posts back was getting really pissed off that people were recommending stuff like this, but for me it was the only way out of the deep depression I was in during my sophomore year of college. 

That year, I lost my brother (best friend for about 15 years) and my girlfriend (who I'm still in love with) in the same car accident while they were coming to pick me up for winter break. I can't tell you the depths of this self-loathing depression I got into for the remainder of that school year....I still don't even remember much of that year or the year following...it was basically just snapshots in a blur of misery. 

BUT, I got out of it. And how? by drastically changing my life/daily routine. Changing both "little things" and "big things" in my life. I don't think the people in this thread have been trying to give quick-fix type advice here (i.e. drinking water and taking vitamins) but these sort of things undeniably will help. They will give you something else to focus on if even for a few minutes a day. Then, gradually, those minutes will turn into hours, and those hours to days. Getting out of depression, at least for me, meant changing almost every aspect of how I lived my life...no more drinking, no more meaningless sympathy lays from my female friends, no more smokin ganja, no more 12-hour final fantasy marathons...no more of a lot of things that unknowingly just made it all worse. 

I do acknowledge that everyone's story is different...and that my depression was brought on by a traumatic experience in my life. But seriously man, ANYTHING is worth a shot at this point.

And honestly, if anyone is ready to kill themselves, how is taking a pill not an option at that point?


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## Gothic Headhunter (Aug 9, 2012)

Not sure if this applies to everyone, but when I feel depressed, I try to keep myself laughing as much as possible.


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## Pav (Aug 9, 2012)

TheBigGroove said:


> And honestly, if anyone is ready to kill themselves, how is taking a pill not an option at that point?



I was forced to that conclusion a couple years ago. Even on regular antidepressants I find myself slipping away when things get tough. Although I haven't gone off my meds, a month ago some people I was very close to and thought I could trust betrayed me and have been avoiding me ever since. Since then it's hard not to get the feeling that everything is fucking pointless and not going to get any better. Life just isn't worth living when you're all alone, no matter how many guitars you have.


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## blaaargh (Aug 19, 2012)

I'm really glad I found this thread, as I'm going through a very similar experience to the OP. I'm 20 years old, left college after a disappointing spring/summer session, in addition to a lack of funds, and now I'm back at my parent's with no idea what my future's going to be like. I've been pretty down for the past couple months, and I'm really terrified of the future. I have no motivation to do anything, nothing holds any attraction for me, not even music, which has always been my go-to release for situations like this. I've had a few friends who've stood by me, and my gf has been super supportive, but now they're all hours away, and I can't talk to them regularly. I've been out of touch with the few friends of mine that I still have in my hometown, and I'm trying to get back up with them, but it's hard when I don't even want to leave my room, much less my house. I've always been somewhat introverted, but since the spring I've become more and more of a recluse. My gf was practically the only human contact I had for months, and now I can't see her at all. We're going to try to make a long-distance relationship work, and I really think if anyone can pull it off, we can. She's been the only thing that's kept me remotely with it, and I don't even want to think about what my situation would be without her. My mom got me set up with a counselor, which I think will be helpful. I'm also looking into woodworking schools/programs to give me something to do, but I haven't found anything yet. I just need something to give my life some kind of purpose (read: job), but in my current mindstate, it's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking "I won't find a job, and even if I do, it'll just make me more miserable." I know that's a cop-out, and getting work will make everything better, but it's a hard pitfall to avoid. So yeah, that's where I'm at.


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## tacotiklah (Oct 12, 2012)

Kind of bumping this thread because I'm going through some serious depression right now. Without getting too far into the how or why of it, what advice do you guys have for trying to snap out of it? Granted my case is a little harder than par because I have a diagnosis of severe PTSD and chronic depression (and no meds for either right now), but I was trying to find a way to cope with it and handle it without meds. So far I'm failing, but I don't wanna give up on trying. So again, any advice at all?


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## MFB (Oct 12, 2012)

Somehow anytime I end up really depressed I just ride it out, go about my business and take care of the things I have to and I start to focus less and less on the little things that are depressing me and my focus shifts to things that I've been doing right while not trying to think about being depressed.


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## Genome (Oct 16, 2012)

ghstofperdition said:


> Kind of bumping this thread because I'm going through some serious depression right now. Without getting too far into the how or why of it, what advice do you guys have for trying to snap out of it? Granted my case is a little harder than par because I have a diagnosis of severe PTSD and chronic depression (and no meds for either right now), but I was trying to find a way to cope with it and handle it without meds. So far I'm failing, but I don't wanna give up on trying. So again, any advice at all?



Your own post on page 2 had some really good advice in it.


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## TheManWhoWalksAlone (May 7, 2014)

"I know it's kind of mean, but as someone who has been... sick for a long time I can't tell you how disgusted I've become when I hear shit like that from people, I know they're just trying to help, but it's so insulting to us, it's like they don't understand the scale at which things are in our minds. They don't understand the doom. Most people's understanding of depression is being bummed out for a little while, and that's far from what it is. Depression is nothingness. Nothing works, nothing helps, nothing you do is right, nothing anyone else does is right. Not a single thing gives you joy and you have no hope. Every moment in your head is this up and down, back and forth, neurotic pattern of thought thats constantly trying to figure out what to do and is constantly coming up with no answers, and it feeds your self hate, and it feeds your hopelessness. Every moment ends with thoughts of ending it. If you pass a certain point you become obsessed with death, suicide is a constant thought and the only logical option."

^

This is exactly what it feels like to me, and exactly what I've been going through. Nothing helps anymore, Music for some reason just reminds me of everything I'm not, and it just makes it worse... What's worse is having no job, and living in New Jersey, which I consider to be the worst state in the U.S, hands down. Finding a job is extra hard when your this depressed, and it's hard as shit to get a job in this broken Capitalist system these days.


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