# The Worst Luthier ever?



## SjPedro (May 18, 2015)

Hello everyone. 
We all look for that one dream instrument. Sometimes we can't find it and ask a luthier (if we can afford it) ....Well I think I found (unwillingly) the worst luthier ever. 
In Portugal, i was looking for online music ads ;guitars, synths, anything that makes sound; and I found this ...ahem ....Gem! 
He even built a sort of Jem no pun intended., and no offence to real JEM's ...

Check it out and laugh! or Cry 

http://saopedrodacova.olx.pt/guitar...em-pinho-riga-de-varios-modelos-iid-465619641

what makes me laugh is the asking price of almost 1000 euros (1100 USD give or take)


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## asher (May 18, 2015)

brb purging eyes with gasoline


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## cwhitey2 (May 18, 2015)




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## Kobalt (May 18, 2015)

Good lord, this was painful to watch...


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## odibrom (May 18, 2015)

There is also a video of a guy washing a guitar with water and soap that is equally painful to watch... let me see if I can find the link...

Here it is...



Poor guitar... I think this one is from Brasil / Brazil


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## SjPedro (May 18, 2015)

I hear that guitar screaming "please stop! you are killing me!"

...

Oh wait, that's my own screams


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## SeditiousDissent (May 18, 2015)

I'm sitting in my classroom, laughing my ass off at those pictures. My students are looking at me like I am a maniac. 

Holy crap, there's just too much wrong with those to even know where to start. This is fvcking hysterical!







That "trem(?)" makes the ol' "Rhythm and Jump" look like a Ti FRO.


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## redstone (May 18, 2015)

asher said:


> brb purging eyes with gasoline


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## neurosis (May 18, 2015)

Is there a way we can find out if this isn´t just bait to freak us out? I mean, seriously... People never seize to amaze me. The prices on the butchered builds are incredible but the guy being proud of his cleaning technique is just too painful to watch.


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## Mprinsje (May 18, 2015)

Whoaaly .....

If I were to build a guitar that's probably how it would end up


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## odibrom (May 18, 2015)

Ignorance is a bliss...


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## Xaios (May 19, 2015)

That's definitely up there with DeBries.


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## MetalDaze (May 19, 2015)

BRJ is worse.


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## btbg (May 19, 2015)

MetalDaze said:


> BRJ is worse.



Lol. Brj may have taken a lot of people for a ride and as such he may be the bigger asshole but skills-wise he's still the better luthier.


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## M3CHK1LLA (May 19, 2015)

payment sent...


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## ihunda (May 19, 2015)

Damn, that guy has to be half blind to showcase these horrors


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## SjPedro (May 19, 2015)

I'm looking at the whole ad and I don't know if he's trolling or not. what I find weird is that he claims the guitars all sound great  and that he doesn't reply to emails so I am still undecided if it's trolling or serious...
With that price point he must be joking!


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## Edika (May 19, 2015)

I think DeVries just lost his title. In fact in comparison to this guy he seems like a semi competent luthier...


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## habicore_5150 (May 19, 2015)

*5 seconds after clicking the link*


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## BlackMastodon (May 19, 2015)

Edika said:


> I think DeVries just lost his title. In fact in comparison to this guy he seems like a semi competent luthier...


I don't think anyone can top DeVries with his immensely sh*tty builds, ridiculously childish, self-absorbed, and bizarre attitude, and general asshole-ishness.

That being said I need to check out this link when I get home later so no one judges me for crying at work. They may get the wrong impression that I care about my job.


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## IbanezDaemon (May 19, 2015)

If that was a wind up it would be genius. Unfortunately
having made a good few he's gotta be serious.


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## haieb (May 19, 2015)

My reaction when I saw this


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## BucketheadRules (May 19, 2015)

Can't work out if that "JEM" is made of wood or clay...


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## SjPedro (May 19, 2015)

must have perfect intonation! It better because you'll need a hammer to adjust it


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## canuck brian (May 19, 2015)




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## Edika (May 19, 2015)

I remember there was a member that build his own guitar and even machined a Floyd type unit from scratch. This however has nothing to do with that build. 
BlackMastodon, while DeVries has been a constant source of amusement and annoyance, this guy seems to have superior skills at being unable to build something resembling a functional guitar. He's not a rock star like DeVries but give him time lol!


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## Edika (May 19, 2015)

canuck brian said:


>



That seems like an accurate represantation of his build process and what he did to those poor trees.


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## SeditiousDissent (May 19, 2015)

haieb said:


> My reaction when I saw this



What gauge is that twine? 

Also, DAT TOP...


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## MicrobeSS (May 19, 2015)

I wonder how the tuning stability is. And how fast the stribg changes are


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## odibrom (May 19, 2015)

SeditiousDissent said:


> (...)
> Also, DAT TOP...



That is a new "F hole" design... it allows the guitar to breath and opens up the overall sound quality...


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## asher (May 19, 2015)

MicrobeSS said:


> I wonder how the tuning stability is.



Stability? Phsaw, you don't put a trem on a guitar you want stability on! How else do you weedle weedle? This one skips all the bull and gets you straight to the good stuff.


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## pondman (May 19, 2015)

Very rustic


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## Xaios (May 19, 2015)

Edika said:


> I remember there was a member that build his own guitar and even machined a Floyd type unit from scratch.



Is this the one you're thinking of?


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## Slunk Dragon (May 19, 2015)

Those guitars are like a visual representation of misery.


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## M3CHK1LLA (May 19, 2015)

pondman said:


> Very rustic



rustic...train wreck...relic?



"wreliced" guitar?


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## Alex Kenivel (May 19, 2015)




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## asher (May 19, 2015)




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## Noxon (May 19, 2015)

That looks like it was built by S7G...


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## SjPedro (May 20, 2015)

maybe the guy chopped down a tree and proceeded to sculpt it using a hammer and a fork....if that's the case, it's pretty good!


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## MicrobeSS (May 20, 2015)

asher said:


> Stability? Phsaw, you don't put a trem on a guitar you want stability on! How else do you weedle weedle? This one skips all the bull and gets you straight to the good stuff.



Weedle weedle, all day everyday. With that you dont get a choice.


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## Randy (May 20, 2015)

Mako's Tethan, is that you?


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## Edika (May 20, 2015)

Xaios said:


> Is this the one you're thinking of?



Hey Xaios that was exactly the build thread I was thinking of. What a truly awesome build that was!


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## TheKindred (May 20, 2015)

why do all his finishes look sticky? 

better wash them again....


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## SjPedro (May 20, 2015)

maybe he needs to call the Brazilian guy and his sponge!


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## EchelonXIII (May 20, 2015)

Check this one out for size













MFW I see the angle on that bridge, and the string spacing on that thing.


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## USMarine75 (May 20, 2015)

Thank you for all of this gloriousness! Unfortunately the Vampire Guitars website must be temporarily down for maintenance.


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## SeanSan (May 20, 2015)

The guitars look like cake. I don't mean that in a good way.


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## BlackMastodon (May 20, 2015)

He's selling these pieces of dog sh*t for a thousand f**king Euros?! It's like he hacked at pieces of wood with a butter knife until they almost sort of resembled guitars. Goddamn, makes me feel better about my work at least.


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## asher (May 20, 2015)

BlackMastodon said:


> He's selling these pieces of dog sh*t for a *wishful price of *thousand f**king Euros?! It's like he hacked at pieces of wood with a butter knife until they almost sort of resembled guitars. Goddamn, makes me feel better about my work at least.



FTFY.


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## Rev2010 (May 21, 2015)

Can someone please translate the below for me?

"Hello. I am very interested in your amazing guitar. I am in the Unites States and would like to offer you one half wet noodle (linguini) for the guitar if you pay for shipping. Let me know, thanks."


Rev.


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## Petef2007 (May 23, 2015)




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## SjPedro (May 23, 2015)

Rev2010 said:


> Can someone please translate the below for me?
> 
> "Hello. I am very interested in your amazing guitar. I am in the Unites States and would like to offer you one half wet noodle (linguini) for the guitar if you pay for shipping. Let me know, thanks."
> 
> ...



Here's the translation you requested 

Olá, estou muito interessado na tua guitarra incrível. Estou nos Estados Unidos e gostava de te oferecer um linguini molhado pela guitarra se pagares os portes de envio. Fico a aguardar. Obrigado


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## Zhysick (May 26, 2015)

Oh my... and I thought my guitar was horribly built...


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## turbo_4i4ka (May 28, 2015)

Rusty Cooley's new signature guitar build?

Also, what the hell was this guy thinking, pouring a bucket of water over a guitar... :X This ain't no dish, fool!


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## Necris (May 28, 2015)

When will he announce his Black Friday run?


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## JamesM (May 28, 2015)

He went effin Mad Max on the thing


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## Alex Kenivel (May 29, 2015)

EchelonXIII said:


> Check this one out for size
> MFW I see the angle on that bridge, and the string spacing on that thing.



at least that thing looks half playablecompared to those pictures in OP


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