# 7 Stupidest Attempts to Reinvent Batman



## ilyti (Nov 19, 2011)

The 7 Stupidest Attempts to Reinvent Batman | Cracked.com

Vampire Batman, FrankenBatman, Actor Batman, Nazi Batman, BatPriest, Pirate Batman, Cowboy Batman

This is one huge reason why I don't read comics.


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## Jakke (Nov 19, 2011)

That... Was... Awesome...

I can't rep you enough sir!


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## Necris (Nov 19, 2011)

I love cracked.


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## Demiurge (Nov 19, 2011)

The title of the article was misleading, because obviously those were all one-off, "what if" issues and not attempts to reboot. Seems kind of like on Star Trek: Next Generation had those episodes on the holo-deck as a way of trying to re-imagine and transpose characters into different environments. 

I think the reason why these are all silly (although the Holy Terror with the "green man" Superman seemed intriguingly creepy) is that they kind of expose Batman as a cypher. In each version, Batman has a different personality altogether, and it's not really jarring because Batman/Bruce Wayne has never really been given concrete personality types- writers just conflate darkness with depth and roll with it.


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## Scar Symmetry (Nov 19, 2011)

I personally think all of them are fucking awesome.


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## MFB (Nov 19, 2011)

I really want to find all the issues for JLAxis in which all of the Justice League is NAZIS


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## Jakke (Nov 19, 2011)

I would definately read nazi-Batman.

Although I don't see the need to paint all nazis as bastards in every way, Hitler was for example a very nice boss (according to Traudl Junge, his secretary). It seems like they want to over-sell the message "nazism is bad" to our kids by associating it with every bad human emotion (nazi-zombies anyone?). I think though that kids are smart enough to understand nazism is bad without us (the grown-ups) overstating it.


I have to say that the nazi-justice-alien league had some badass uniforms.


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## MFB (Nov 19, 2011)

^ Comic book costume design has become a near science now, and even Tim Gunn (the guy from Top Model or whatever it is) has done a segment with people critiquing all the Green Lantern outfits; it's also the one aspect of my current comic project that I'm losing my shit over since it's hard to make a good female costume that isn't overly sexual.


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## Jakke (Nov 19, 2011)

MFB said:


> ^ Comic book costume design has become a near science now, and even Tim Gunn (the guy from Top Model or whatever it is) has done a segment with people critiquing all the Green Lantern outfits; it's also the one aspect of my current comic project that I'm losing my shit over since it's hard to make a good female costume that isn't overly sexual.



I intensely dislike catwoman because of the fact that they are trying to distance themselves from the "sexualisation", and just overcharge her with "girl power". In the end, she is not the least bit credible, and even Lobo is more of a real human than she is.

Lobo is FYI extremely awesome.


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## MFB (Nov 19, 2011)

Catwoman as a character has always been rather sexual, and they've done it in numerous arcs and spoiler alert : she fucks Batman at the end of DC's new 52 #1 even though it's not that shocking. Her outfit isn't too bad and is really just one zip away from being not family friendly, even if people say she doesn't LOOK it, she's a young girl who used to be a hooker and she'd be covered so suck it people. 

But stuff like Power Girl, or Sorrak Natu and Arisia Rrab (female Green Lanterns) are rather ridiculous with the former having A GIANT HOLE ON HER CHEST to show off cleavage, and the latter just having rather ample cleavage and one with a mini-skirt despite supposedly being a galactic police member. Doesn't really fit now does it? Stuff like Jean Grey as Phoenix/Dark Phoenix, Rogue, Miss Marvel, etc... all work as they're standard female outfits but some are ludicrous.

/nerd


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## Jakke (Nov 19, 2011)

MFB said:


> Catwoman as a character has always been rather sexual, and they've done it in numerous arcs and spoiler alert : she fucks Batman at the end of DC's new 52 #1 even though it's not that shocking. Her outfit isn't too bad and is really just one zip away from being not family friendly, even if people say she doesn't LOOK it, she's a young girl who used to be a hooker and she'd be covered so suck it people.
> 
> But stuff like Power Girl, or Sorrak Natu and Arisia Rrab (female Green Lanterns) are rather ridiculous with the former having A GIANT HOLE ON HER CHEST to show off cleavage, and the latter just having rather ample cleavage and one with a mini-skirt despite supposedly being a galactic police member. Doesn't really fit now does it? Stuff like Jean Grey as Phoenix/Dark Phoenix, Rogue, Miss Marvel, etc... all work as they're standard female outfits but some are ludicrous.
> 
> /nerd



Female X-men on general seems to work from my observations.
When I first saw Arisia, I thought it was a joke, sadly, it was not...


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## Scar Symmetry (Nov 19, 2011)

MFB said:


> Catwoman as a character has always been rather sexual, and they've done it in numerous arcs and spoiler alert : she fucks Batman at the end of DC's new 52 #1 even though it's not that shocking. Her outfit isn't too bad and is really just one zip away from being not family friendly, even if people say she doesn't LOOK it, she's a young girl who used to be a hooker and she'd be covered so suck it people.
> 
> But stuff like Power Girl, or Sorrak Natu and Arisia Rrab (female Green Lanterns) are rather ridiculous with the former having A GIANT HOLE ON HER CHEST to show off cleavage, and the latter just having rather ample cleavage and one with a mini-skirt despite supposedly being a galactic police member. Doesn't really fit now does it? Stuff like Jean Grey as Phoenix/Dark Phoenix, Rogue, Miss Marvel, etc... all work as they're standard female outfits but some are ludicrous.
> 
> /nerd



Yeah, playing as Catwoman in Arkham City is worrying.


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## Hemi-Powered Drone (Nov 19, 2011)

MFB said:


> ^ Comic book costume design has become a near science now, and even Tim Gunn (the guy from Top Model or whatever it is) has done a segment with people critiquing all the Green Lantern outfits; it's also the one aspect of my current comic project that I'm losing my shit over since it's hard to *make a good female costume that isn't overly sexual.*



Now you should know that it's impossible to make a superhero costume for a female that doesn't have sex appeal unless the hero is a child or ugly.


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## MFB (Nov 19, 2011)

dragonblade629 said:


> Now you should know that it's impossible to make a superhero costume for a female that doesn't have sex appeal unless the hero is a child or ugly.



False, see Batgirl and Batwoman

Aside from the...ugh...who knows


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## Scar Symmetry (Nov 19, 2011)

Jakke said:


> I would definately read nazi-Batman.
> 
> Although I don't see the need to paint all nazis as bastards in every way, Hitler was for example a very nice boss (according to Traudl Junge, his secretary). It seems like they want to over-sell the message "nazism is bad" to our kids by associating it with every bad human emotion (nazi-zombies anyone?). I think though that kids are smart enough to understand nazism is bad without us (the grown-ups) overstating it.
> 
> I have to say that the nazi-justice-alien league had some badass uniforms.



Despite their very obvious flawed ideology, the style chosen by the Nazi's was incredible. The Nazi aesthetic, in uniform and symbolism is utterly flawless considering the period they came to be popular in.


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## TomAwesome (Nov 19, 2011)

Of those, I've only read the Vampire Batman comics, but they were pretty cool. Batman Noir was also fun, as was Darkest Knight (Green Lantern Batman ).


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## Jakke (Nov 20, 2011)

Scar Symmetry said:


> Despite their very obvious flawed ideology, the style chosen by the Nazi's was incredible. The Nazi aesthetic, in uniform and symbolism is utterly flawless considering the period they came to be popular in.



Highly stylish yes. Just compare with their allied counterparts


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## shanejohnson02 (Nov 20, 2011)

I've always loved their writing style. My all-time favorite quote: "And we wouldn't even care, because _fucking lightsabers._"


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## ilyti (Nov 22, 2011)

MFB said:


> False, see Batgirl and Batwoman
> 
> Aside from the...ugh...who knows



I was gonna say "What about Jubilee?" But then I did an image search. She was only modestly dressed in the 90s cartoon, apparently.


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