# Becoming your own worst enemy?



## TheSeventhHead (Jan 7, 2014)

So, experience gained is a lesson learned right? I certainly hope so. Last Friday my band and I became "that band" and played a show from hell. 

My band is a new group in the Missoula area, and has only been playing shows for 4-5 months now. We've been getting shows with bands and venues on our local bucket list much sooner than we had planned, and even nailed some sick spots with traveling bands... apparently this got to our heads without us being aware of it.

Our performance etiquette is rigid and professional. A first impression is a lasting one. We always try and show up to the venue an hour and a half to two hours before the load in time, meet and greet the owner and the sound guy and anyone else of importance and help out any way we can. We go out of our way to make the show as easy as possible for everyone involved, including the other bands. Normally our efforts are greatly appreciated and we're invited back within a couple days to a couple weeks. 

...except this time we messed up. 

We finally nailed a show at a venue we've been wanting to play for a while with a local act we love and has a lot of pull in the local scene. We showed up about an hour and a half early, as usual. The sound guy was all about it, and since we were opening we had our gear up and ready with room for two bands to back-load (our suggestion), and everyone loved the idea. We were gaining our usual and pleasant report again. 

And then it all went to hell. 

Somehow, the sound check started when we thought the guy was just checking his drum-mic placement. That doesn't even make sense, but that's what we thought. Then when he called for the bass player to do his sound check, we were still thinking the same dumb thing and the drummer got off stage. The drummer and I then proceeded to grab a drink while the bass player did his sound check, bantering at him like idiots. When it was my turn for sound check, again, the bassist exited the stage as I wandered up there, and instead of just simply doing my sound check routine, I decided some sweeping and tapping and general screwing around pissing contest sort of stuff would be appropriate. Then there was about 45 minutes of waiting before the show starts. Did we sit in the corner and warm up quietly to ourselves while setting up a merch booth like we usually do?

Nope.

We grabbed a couple more drinks, behaved like arrogant jack-asses to each other and our friends and fans who were arriving. I'm too embarrassed to even quote some of the things that came out of my own mouth. When it came time to play, we walked on stage and started droning like three dumbasses from hell because we thought it would be cool. And we played like shit. Not just the usual perfectionist musician-being-to-hard-on-himself played like shit, but a sincere and unfortunate sloppy set. And when we got off stage all we could talk about was how we played like shit, turning down every compliment received, like pompous dicks.

After loading our gear up, the bassist and drummer left. Just left. Which is also something we've never done. We ALWAYS stay to support the bands that invited us to play with them. I sat in the back at the bar drinking, thinking I was doing the same thing I usually do, just with a ridiculous poor-me attitude. It wasn't until halfway through the third set of the night when all this came crashing down on me like an anvil. I suddenly realized why the other musicians weren't talking to me, why nobody was giving me the light of day, and usually nothing more than a cold shoulder. It had nothing to do with the wrong notes or bad timing of our set, it was because I fracking deserved it. For one night my band and I had become the musicians we couldn't stand. That nobody could stand.

We haven't heard anything from the bands we played with or the venue we played at since. Rightly so, and I don't expect to on their own accord. It's my deepest hope that I can take this experience and what I learned from it and make up for it by never letting such amateur behavior be displayed again.

Anybody else ever have a show they look back on and feel absolutely ashamed about, either because of your own behavior or a band members behavior? Or for any other reason for that matter? Maybe even a fan that ruined the show for you?


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## tedtan (Jan 7, 2014)

TheSeventhHead said:


> Anybody else ever have a show they look back on and feel absolutely ashamed about, either because of your own behavior or a band members behavior?



Yes, and they all involve one or more band members' either 1) unchecked ego, or 2) drinking alcohol before the set. Most involved both.

So my advice to everyone is to focus on keeping the ego in check, behave like pros, and save the drinks for after your set (ideally after you load out).


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## Funz (Jan 7, 2014)

Now you know how fast and easy it is to become "that band". Makes you stronger...


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## sage (Jan 7, 2014)

Yup. It's happened to me. Almost exactly like that. Fortunately it didn't have any negative repercussions. I mean, we never got another gig at that bar, but neither did anyone else, they stopped having live music the next month. The promoter remembered our fanbase more than he remembered our crappy set (they pretty much always do) and booked us another show in the other bar he promoted shows in shortly thereafter. 

Take heart in this: you already know what you did wrong. You won't do it again. And, if you're lucky, most other people you came in contact with that evening will either not remember it for too long or write off your shitty behaviour as a one-off event.


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## Svava (Jan 7, 2014)

In that case it is best to immediately buy a round of extremely strong drinks for everyone.

They'll be too drunk to remember the opening act and all they'll remember is that "kind of cool band who got everyone really hammered"


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## asher (Jan 7, 2014)

sage said:


> Yup. It's happened to me. Almost exactly like that. Fortunately it didn't have any negative repercussions. I mean, we never got another gig at that bar, but neither did anyone else, they stopped having live music the next month. The promoter remembered our fanbase more than he remembered our crappy set (they pretty much always do) and booked us another show in the other bar he promoted shows in shortly thereafter.
> 
> Take heart in this: you already know what you did wrong. You won't do it again. And, if you're lucky, most other people you came in contact with that evening will either not remember it for too long or write off your shitty behaviour as a one-off event.



Is gigging the sort of thing where you could reach out to the parties involved (obviously not the fans) and apologize in some way? I don't really know how that would be received in this business, but there are a lot of other times I would think it a prudent and honest thing to do.


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## xCaptainx (Jan 7, 2014)

Easy solution. Don't drink at shows you are playing.


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## larry (Jan 7, 2014)

emergenza state finals 2006 FL. it was at the masquerade in ybor city. after this third and final round in the states, a winner would get to resume the circuit in the EU starting in Germany and ending in Italy after five or six dates, expenses paid.

that night was the biggest show we'd ever played, with roughly 1k people in attendance. for the first two rounds we'd worked hard to get super tight. then prior to the finals, on a whim, the singer decides to forego strategies laid out by his vocal coach in favor of his own uh....methods. in anticipation of using yet another shitty crate head (since they were the sponsor) I had a large pedalboard built which had space beneath to house my triaxis, bbe and mpxg2. midi, wah and volume were velcro'd to a false 'floor' covering the rack gear [mwa ha ha] while the stereo outs were routed to the fx loop returns for both crate bv300h heads I was forced to use. the bassist decided to knock back a few shots during the set before ours and the drummer sharpened his chops. so basically the drummer and I were ready to kill it, while the singer and bassist apparently table-flipped.

well, we lost. 3 songs into our set the singer blows his voice out from pushing with his throat instead of his diaphragm. so during the last song his voice is noticeably strained and adds insult to injury by pleading with the audience to "help us make it" in cadence with our performance. strike one. the bassist, drunk, is inverting parts and missing changes because of his inebriated confusion. strike two. the drummer's playing his ass off and as am I. but I didn't make it out unscathed, one fatal mistake I'd made was not compensating enough for the lack of my 2:90. my distortion patches relied heavily on the triggering of the 'deep' and 'modern' voicings, which the crate heads obviously lacked. I knew this, but my adjustments weren't enough. I should've the adapted setup further. four practices later we dissolve. which was a shame. we'd been booked for at least three more gigs at the masquerade and a slot on a televised music show called metal masters, which aired on UPN. haven't played in a band since. now at 34 my chops are admittedly softer and hope seems pretty bleak. I mean let's face it, you don't hear about people starting their music careers beyond 30. 

you know that older guy you talk about music with that says: "I was in a band once...blah blah blah.." well, I'm now that guy. it's been incredibly difficult to pull myself up. it feels like standing on the other side of a line that I simply have to step over and I'm instantly back to what I love doing. though, for several frustrating intangible reasons --I can't. I've had a few very cool close calls along the way (otep, indorphine, bodies in the gears of the apparatus), but nothing solid.


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## sage (Jan 8, 2014)

^ Screw that. I'm 40 and refuse to give up the dream. Granted, I surround myself with far younger players, but that's because dudes my age wanna play grunge covers or grunge inspired originals. Either way, I ain't in. 

Back OT, @Asher, I reckon you could make a round of calls apologizing for your behaviour. It definitely wouldn't fall on deaf ears. You might find that no one really noticed, though. You have to remember, you're dealing with dudes. Dudes are generally really self absorbed. You'd have to have really screwed the pooch for anyone to have paid any attention. It sounds to me like the OP in this case played a lousy show and was just kind of a sulky cock for a few hours. The likelihood that anyone cared is pretty slim. If it were a group of chicks playing roller derby, different discussion altogether.


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## RevDrucifer (Jan 8, 2014)

I've had to apologize and smooth things over with promoters, soundguys, other bands and fans. Never once on my own accord, but the last 2 bands I played in both had asshole, loud mouth drummers who ran their idiot mouths whenever the wind changed direction.

It's not a bad idea to send out a message to some of the people involved in that show just saying, "Hey, ya guys witnessed us in rare form, we apologize for that and it's not something to be seen again.". Keep it short, no reason to get into specifics, especially if not everyone even caught on to your shenanigans.


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## asher (Jan 8, 2014)

Maybe didn't come across as I meant (or I'm derp and that isn't directed straight at me) but was meant as a suggestion to the OP. It seems like it'll either be reasonably appreciated at least - if only for the formal effort - or he'll find nobody noticed and then can stop worrying.


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## VBCheeseGrater (Jan 8, 2014)

yeah i've been in bands that have done dumb shit and some of those things were done myself. As I and my bandmates get older and more experienced, it happens much less now. Live n learn!!!! 

I wouldn't sweat leaving early. It's a bands job to entertain, not your job to be in the audience. It's nice to show support and all, but if someone gets pissed that you left, that's a "them" issue.


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## UnattendedGolfcart (Jan 9, 2014)

The band I had in high school a couple years ago never really had any gig go perfectly (granted, we only had 5-6 gigs total) but our last real show was a battle of the bands. We played 3rd or 4th out of 6. It was our worst gig by far. We were not remotely prepared for it like we thought we were, our other guitarist basically made us debut a new song he wrote that we were shaky on at best, and when his time came to sing the outro chorus, he was down IN FRONT of the stage playing in people's faces.

We came in last but still got a money prize. It bugged the hell out of me, and at our next practice I made sure to be up front about how bad all of us did at the gig. My bandmates always used to sugarcoat their mistakes and make excuses for not doing their best. I had to point out to them the mistakes we all made, so that they would know they happened and work to fix them. Unfortunately it was our last gig, but I learned from that show that if you really want to get any progress made you have to be hard on yourself and know that you make mistakes. No excuses, just practice and awareness of what needs to be improved.

The fact that you know the problem you made and how you want to fix it in the future is a good thing, I wouldn't doubt many bands wouldn't think twice about doing something like that.


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## xfkx (Jan 9, 2014)

I try to be a decent human being, just for the sake that it's the right thing to do.

But I am WAY past beeing the nearly insanely "nice" and "helpful" one, just to get ahead in an industry/scene that is dead, and sort of relies on peoples credulity.


oh, and don't drink and play (at least not much)


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## breadtruck (Jan 12, 2014)

Thanks for sharing OP. I've had similar experiences, although instead of fudging the sound check we just didn't get one (no idea why not; maybe just lazy sound engineers because we were always on time), and ended up sounding pretty bad and complaining about it afterwards. The truth is a lot of people didn't mind, or at least that's what they said.



UnattendedGolfcart said:


> My bandmates always used to sugarcoat their mistakes and make excuses for not doing their best. I had to point out to them the mistakes we all made, so that they would know they happened and work to fix them. Unfortunately it was our last gig, but I learned from that show that if you really want to get any progress made you have to be hard on yourself and know that you make mistakes. No excuses, just practice and awareness of what needs to be improved.



I know this feeling. I've played about 10 gigs now - roughly 50% of them have gone well, and 50% not so well. The drummer in my band is one of those people who *never *admits when he's done something wrong, so when we practice he tends to have the attitude of "oh whatever it'll be fine on the night". Unfortunately that's not always true, but he never seems to learn from mistakes. Quite rightly like you said, progress doesn't get made if you don't learn from yourself, and the band recently doesn't seem to be going anywhere creatively or even getting better at playing our songs. 



larry said:


> you know that older guy you talk about music with that says: "I was in a band once...blah blah blah.." well, I'm now that guy. it's been incredibly difficult to pull myself up. it feels like standing on the other side of a line that I simply have to step over and I'm instantly back to what I love doing. though, for several frustrating intangible reasons --I can't. I've had a few very cool close calls along the way (otep, indorphine, bodies in the gears of the apparatus), but nothing solid.



Just wait until you hit 40 and all your friends have midlife crises and want to start a band!


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## robare99 (Jan 16, 2014)

Well at least you learned from it and hopefully you guys won't make the same mistakes again. I remember as a kid in a band we opened for this beer gardens thing. It turned out pretty good, and after I said to the sound guy...

"Hey man, thanks for letting us use your shit"

To which he replied...

"Yeah... Our shit"



Lol whoooooooooops.


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## Carvinkook (Jan 19, 2014)

Thats Rock-N-Roll Baby..You're good! 

I always count on something going "wrong" at a show. I was in a 2 singer band were there was a singer and then there was me the guitarplayer/singer! (not like linkin Park) but think like Linkin Park..lol Anyways as we played our "singer asked the crowd if they could hear evdrything alright as the soundguy basically set us up and left. Vocals Up!! ok get the vocal sound guy in here..turn up the vox dude!! Well he did but they were My vocals... I thought I was really belting it out that night, Got the board mix and DEEZAAAM, Im like the only audible thing on it..lol, Loud as hell choruses!! It was a BIG joke with the band but I cant imagine what the people were thinking listenening to us that night... It must have been like "well, we asked for it" hahahaha

Well, then there was the time the band we were opening for was having a Big CD release and their drummer got hammered while we probably had our best set right before them.. The crowd was yelling out our song titles during their set at the end of the night and they were just soooo Pissed! It was hilarious! We felt good though...

Lesson learned hopefully my friend a beer before, 1 during and then however many are given or bought for you after..dont dissapoint your fans!


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## McKay (Jan 20, 2014)

larry said:


> emergenza state finals 2006 FL. it was at the masquerade in ybor city. after this third and final round in the states, a winner would get to resume the circuit in the EU starting in Germany and ending in Italy after five or six dates, expenses paid.
> 
> that night was the biggest show we'd ever played, with roughly 1k people in attendance. for the first two rounds we'd worked hard to get super tight. then prior to the finals, on a whim, the singer decides to forego strategies laid out by his vocal coach in favor of his own uh....methods. in anticipation of using yet another shitty crate head (since they were the sponsor) I had a large pedalboard built which had space beneath to house my triaxis, bbe and mpxg2. midi, wah and volume were velcro'd to a false 'floor' covering the rack gear [mwa ha ha] while the stereo outs were routed to the fx loop returns for both crate bv300h heads I was forced to use. the bassist decided to knock back a few shots during the set before ours and the drummer sharpened his chops. so basically the drummer and I were ready to kill it, while the singer and bassist apparently table-flipped.
> 
> ...



Glen Tipton didn't even start learning guitar until he was 24. Red Fang are all in their late 30s at the _very_ least IIRC.


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## robare99 (Jan 20, 2014)

Carvinkook said:


> Anyways as we played our "singer asked the crowd if they could hear evdrything alright as the soundguy basically set us up and left. Vocals Up!! ok get the vocal sound guy in here..turn up the vox dude!! Well he did but they were My vocals... I thought I was really belting it out that night, Got the board mix and DEEZAAAM, Im like the only audible thing on it..lol, Loud as hell choruses!! It was a BIG joke with the band but I cant imagine what the people were thinking listenening to us that night... It must have been like "well, we asked for it" hahahaha



If there's instruments missing or really low from a board tape, it's because the stage volume was too loud, and there wasn't much coming through the PA. Most sound guys can make you louder, but they can't go below your stage volume. If its cranked then there will be less common out of the mains.


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## mongey (Jan 23, 2014)

Everyone who gigs has gigs they wish they could roll back time and have again. And most of the time it involves drinking too much before the gig for either bad playing or being a dick.


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## metaljohn (Jan 31, 2014)

Try getting banned from playing a venue because the crowd got too nuts. It happened to my band earlier last year. The venue closed about a month later. We're "that" band.


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## Alex Kenivel (Jan 31, 2014)

I was in a band with a good friend of mine when he started going off the deep end. He'd show up to a show dressed like a homeless man, had been up for days, crying his problems to everyone, pissing off the sound guy, pounding hard booze, but playing rather well. Im not a bragger, but in that scene there weren't many great guitar players and my technique and improvising seemed to blow people away and we would receive frequent compliments. My friend took this to the head and he started getting worse to the point where I would pack up and leave after our set. I couldn't watch one of my best friends in the world do all this damage to himself and act like an ass at our shows. Between me leaving all the time and him getting out-of-his-mind wasted and drugged up, it killed us as a band.


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## djentbojangle (Feb 3, 2014)

I haven't had an experience like that nor do I think I ever will. It's not that hard to just not get drunk and act like a retard at your show.


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## GunpointMetal (Feb 3, 2014)

you'ld think so....

The only time I've ever really been a dick is when we're totally on the wrong bill and I just can't stand the bands we're playing with.....I spent one night a few weeks ago smokin' weed in my car while three other bands played....shitty ass pop "metal"


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## skeels (Feb 3, 2014)

Had a drummer crash our tour van into a house once.....


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## Vzmike (Feb 3, 2014)

My bassist in my old band stopped playing not only mid-set, but mid-song to go take a piss, and hopped back on like nothing was wrong with it. Needless to say the "Dude....WHY?" our singer gave him was pretty well received by the crowd. But I think that was because we sounded absolutely sub-par because our drummer got piss drunk. Did I mention he projectile vomited after our set?

Some people just weren't meant for the stage....but don't beat yourself up about it dude. The fact that you realized your faults shows you have a lot of character that some people go a lifetime without. Just let it make you stronger.


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## I Voyager (Feb 5, 2014)

Had a pretty shit show experience myself yesterday. Opened up for that Chimaira/IWABO/Oceano tour and was so unprepared it wasn't even funny. We were rushing so much to start playing I didn't even turn my cab simulation off my Axe FX when I hooked it up to the house cab haha. Not to mention we didn't even have time to properly tune our guitars and on top of that I ....ed up while playing a lot. Apparently we were good though according to other people 

Also, mad trippy being backstage in a tiny ass room and Emil Werstler is right there setting up his guitars. Such a cool night (aside from my band's set)


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