# One-line plot summaries



## groph (Apr 1, 2011)

These are so fun. Take a movie, and try to sum it's plot up in one sentence.

Terminator: Salvation  Former convict cyborg questions morals, volunteers for heart transplant

Outlander - Intergalactic dragon slayer crashes on Earth, becomes Viking

Angels & Demons  Harvard professor learns the papacy cannot be trusted

Terminator: Rise Of The Machines  USAF puts entire fate of world in the hands of computers, regrets decision

Terminator: Cyborg assassin from future destroys nightclub, rides motorcycle

War Of The Worlds  Aliens invade Earth, forget to bring Buckleys

Predator  Invisible jungle alien is one ugly motherfucker

Predator 2  Invisible city alien is one ugly motherfucker

The Mist  Strange weather patterns bring ironic demise

Master & Commander  Russell Crowe quips wittily about weevils

We Were Soldiers  Cliche patriotism and Gods blessing allows Mel Gibson to waste Vietnamese mercilessly

Starship Troopers  Man triumphs over insect

Enemy At The Gates  Sexual jealousy leads to small boys hanging

Alien  Space miner crew snoops derelict, case of indigestion leads to chaos

Falling Down  Man has bad day, loses water gun fight

I Pronounce You Chuck And Larry  Heterosexual friends cheat system, become social reformers

Mouse Hunt - Rodent creates chaos, becomes successful businessman

Battlestar Galactica  Genocidal robots destroy humanity, have sex with British narcissist

Black Hawk Down  Starving Somalians shot by American heroes

Godzilla  A misunderstood, lost, and confused lizard is trapped on a bridge, killed ruthlessly

Jurassic Park III  Tyrannosaurus Rex turns out to be #2

Jurassic Park II  Misplaced urban dinosaur devours small dog

Jurassic Park  Newman meets an untimely fate

I, Robot  Homicide detectives skepticism is confirmed in an elaborate marketing pitch

Top Gun  Volleyball player flies multimillion dollar fighter aircraft, superior officers shake fists in disgust

Speed  Rules of the road strictly enforced, black man shot

Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle  Stoner friends gain self-confidence

Cloverfield  Directionally challenged monster crashes going away party

Passchendaele  Angsty teenager fails miserably in proving himself

Death Race  Racecar driver framed for murder commits murder

Hulk  Genetically enhanced freak proves more than a match for the US Army, innocent frog meets gruesome demise

Lorenzos Oil  Old fashioned Italian cooking saves diseased boy

Aliens vs. Predator  Scientists caught in the middle of ancient enemies conflict recieve award

Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem  Ancient enemies return, kill father and son while on an outing

Hotel Rwanda  Genocide proves to be good for hotel owners business

Alexander  Military leader conquers vast tracts of land, tracts of men

Mars Attacks!  Alien invaders do head transplants, have own minds blown

Hostage  Friendly robbery spirals out of control, girls drug habits revealed by little brother

Close Encounters Of The Third Kind  Alien composers commit a series of practical jokes on a small town resulting in confusion, missing children

Sex Drive - Genuine, well meaning but otherwise "nice guy" defeats laws of universe, friend zone

Dawn of the Dead - A bar fight goes horrifically awry

I Spit on Your Grave - Woman exacts revenge, gets mistaken for feminist


----------



## JamesM (Apr 1, 2011)

Anything with Nicholas Cage (with the exception of G.I.60S.): Terrible.


----------



## vampiregenocide (Apr 1, 2011)

Face Off is a good Nicholas Cage film too.


----------



## Guitarman700 (Apr 1, 2011)

The Armada said:


> Anything with Nicholas Cage (with the exception of G.I.60S.): Terrible.


----------



## stryker1800 (Apr 1, 2011)

groph said:


> I Spit on Your Grave - Woman exacts revenge, gets mistaken for feminist



To anyone who hasn't actually seen this movie you need too, it's awesome.


----------



## vampiregenocide (Apr 1, 2011)

Halloween - Persistent psychotic masked pervert goes on rampage and won't talk about his feelings.

Fight Club - Man with sleeping problems quits job, fucks a goth and fights himself.


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 1, 2011)

Star Wars: Attack of The Clones - George Lucas bends original franchise over table, has his way without consent.


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 1, 2011)

Twilight - Walking vagina gets mistaken for vampire.


----------



## CooleyJr (Apr 1, 2011)

Guitarman700 said:


>



Is it me, or does Nicholas Cage look like a white Wesley Snipes??


----------



## Hemi-Powered Drone (Apr 1, 2011)

groph said:


> Hotel Rwanda  Genocide proves to be good for hotel owners business



Its funny because its true!


----------



## JamesM (Apr 1, 2011)

Pulp Fiction - Bad Ass Motherfucka.


----------



## metal_sam14 (Apr 1, 2011)

Avatar: A man defies the military to save some overgrown smurfs and a tree.


----------



## Hemi-Powered Drone (Apr 1, 2011)

Clerks- A convenient store clerk and a video store clerk talk, man dies in bathroom while masturbating.

Seriously, if you haven't seen the movie, see it. Its one of the greatest movies ever.


----------



## Guitarman700 (Apr 1, 2011)

The End Of Evangelion: Everyone Dies. Sort Of.


----------



## leandroab (Apr 1, 2011)

Fight Club - I'm not supposed to talk about it.


----------



## JamesM (Apr 1, 2011)

leandroab said:


> Fight Club - I'm not supposed to talk about it.



His name was Robert Paulson.


----------



## Guitarman700 (Apr 1, 2011)

Full metal Jacket: Drill Sergeant yells, gets killed. Then some war.


----------



## Prydogga (Apr 1, 2011)

Shaun Of The Dead - Man gets dumped then shoots his mum.

Hot Fuzz - Man gets transferred to a sleepy town, shoots the most notable figures of the community.

The Boat That Rocked - British Government tries to kill some hippies.

Law Abiding Citizen - Man gets pissed off, experiences ridiculous irony.

Devil's Rejects - Necrophiliacs get shot to the tune of 'Freebird'


----------



## Grand Moff Tim (Apr 1, 2011)

Avatar: James Cameron remakes Fern Gully.


----------



## CooleyJr (Apr 1, 2011)

Fast And The Furious: Undercover cop drives fast car, Vin Diesel flexes.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim (Apr 1, 2011)

Suspiria: Argento proves that America doesn't make the best horror movies.


----------



## JamesM (Apr 1, 2011)

V for Vendetta - Natalie Portman looks hot bald. No really.


----------



## highlordmugfug (Apr 1, 2011)

The Armada said:


> Anything with Nicholas Cage (with the exception of G.I.60S.): Terrible.


 Raising Arizona.

You were close though. 

I  this thread.


----------



## JamesM (Apr 1, 2011)

I try to pretend he isn't in that movie because I like it so much.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim (Apr 1, 2011)

Labyrinth: Jennifer Connelly is terrorized by David Bowie's bulge.


----------



## Necris (Apr 1, 2011)

The Exorcist: A girl is possessed by the devil, a priest yells at her until he leaves and then promptly falls down some stairs.


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 2, 2011)

Snatch - Old British cunt swears gratuitously while others make mistakes.


----------



## 13point9 (Apr 2, 2011)

Equilibrium:- Man gets emotions in a society where emotions are banned, Chaos ensues...


----------



## Hemi-Powered Drone (Apr 2, 2011)

Yes Man:YES!


----------



## 13point9 (Apr 2, 2011)

Batman:- Man achieves the impossible by being taken seriously in a costume.


----------



## Alberto7 (Apr 2, 2011)

Pineapple Express: Black guy gets killed by Daewoo Lanos driven by THC-intoxicated white man.

Blood Diamond: Leonardo DiCaprio pulls off awesome South African accent and smuggles diamonds.

Scarface: Over-protective druglord kills his sister's husband and best friend while burying his face in mountains of cocaine and blasting badass mothaf*cka's with huge gun.

Doom: BFG9000.

Rocky: Heavyweight boxing champion is poor, becomes rich, and becomes poor again. (6 movies in 1 sentence).


----------



## TheSilentWater (Apr 2, 2011)

District 9 - Racial sensitivities alleviated by metaphor.


----------



## ILuvPillows (Apr 2, 2011)

Shutter Island- Inception in the 50's.


----------



## Gamma362 (Apr 2, 2011)

Inception: Its a dream within a dream within a dream, and shit goes down.


----------



## 13point9 (Apr 2, 2011)

The Matrix:- in a dream created by machines and Ted is the only one that can save us


----------



## Djent (Apr 2, 2011)

The Big Lebowski: The Dude gets into a sticky situation, all because of a rug.

Akira (hugely underrated movie): 15-year-old social outcast has a bit too much fun with psychic powers.

Natural Born Killers: Two serial killers plow through America; two guys try to capitalize on their success

Forrest Gump: Guy on a park bench tells a really interesting life story.

Apocalypse Now: Marlon Brando goes loco, Martin Sheen has to kill him.

Brazil: Guy gets in deep shit for following his dreams.


----------



## Necris (Apr 2, 2011)

Wanted: A group of assassins completely overlook the fact that selling their cure for all wounds could make them a shitload more money than killing people.


----------



## vampiregenocide (Apr 2, 2011)

Avatar : Man fucks blue alien, causes mass poverty for human race.

The Thing : Sentient alien tumour kills everyone.

Lord of the Rings : Group of men trust the fate of a whole earth in two midgets and walk to a volcano only to fly back on eagles.

Star Wars Revenge of the Sith : Man leaves his life long friend burning alive without an arm or legs, only to be brought back as a pissed off cyborg who ends up ruling the galaxy.


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 2, 2011)

Alien - Acid-blooded aliens fuck up "rescue ship"
Aliens - Acid blooded aliens fuck up "search and destroy" team
Alien 3 - Acid blooded alien fucks up prison planet.
Alien Resurrection - Sigourney Weaver & Co. beat dead horse.


----------



## White Cluster (Apr 2, 2011)

Basic Instinct - Sharon Stone's pussy....maybe.


----------



## ittoa666 (Apr 3, 2011)

Philadelphia - I have AIDS.


----------



## AlucardXIX (Apr 3, 2011)

KickAss - 10 year old girl is mass murderer, also: Nicholas Cage.


----------



## Dimensionator (Apr 3, 2011)

2012 - The end of the world becomes a trivial matter.
Avatar - Pocahontas in space.
Twilight - A girl somehow falls in love with an emopire who is a second away from killing her.
Harry Potter - A boy whose parents were viciously murdered looks for trouble and finds it.
Step Brothers - Two 40 year-olds become stepbrothers. Hilarity ensues.


----------



## liamh (Apr 3, 2011)

The Armada said:


> Anything with Nicholas Cage (with the exception of G.I.60S.): Terrible.


Ever see Windtalkers? that shit was dope


----------



## liamh (Apr 3, 2011)

ILuvPillows said:


> Shutter Island- Fight Club in the 50's.


 Fixed


----------



## KingAenarion (Apr 3, 2011)

Grand Moff Tim said:


> Avatar: James Cameron remakes Pocohantas.



Fixed


----------



## 13point9 (Apr 3, 2011)

Titan AE:- Earth blows up, we make a new one, with shenanigans in between.


----------



## Prydogga (Apr 3, 2011)

Role Models: Man gets minotaur to rape horse statue, spends rest of movie with small children.


----------



## 13point9 (Apr 3, 2011)

The Hangover:- ...I can't remember... TIGERS, MIKE TYSON, GAY CHINESE MIGET!


----------



## BrainArt (Apr 3, 2011)

Step Brothers: Boats n' Hoes.

The Punisher: Former FBI agent goes on killing spree, justifies by calling it revenge.

Hitman: Dude locks up hot chick in trunk of car, kills some people.

Homeward Bound: Psychic animals travel the country, get into shenanigans.

Due Date: Two men travel across the country, drink Zach Galifiankis' father's ashes as coffee.

Daybreakers: Worst ten dollars spent ever.

Dinner For Schmucks: Brain control.

The Hangover: Group of men accidentally take roofies, look for friend and become a wolf pack.


----------



## Prydogga (Apr 3, 2011)

Get Him To The Greek: Drug Addict has awkward threesome with semi-attractive girl and her boyfriend.


----------



## BrainArt (Apr 3, 2011)

Paul: Two grown men holding hands with a small cowboy.


----------



## Sofos (Apr 3, 2011)

The Armada said:


> Anything with Nicholas Cage (with the exception of G.I.60S.): Terrible.


Raising Arizona was fuckin amazing.


----------



## vampiregenocide (Apr 3, 2011)

Creep : Unusual retarded man dwelling on the London Underground performs amateur abortions.


----------



## Skanky (Apr 3, 2011)

Sucker Punch - Pan's Labyrinth remade into the complete polar opposite of a chick flick.

Se7en - A brilliant serial killer completes his evil plan by fucking Brad Pitt, but not in a good way.

Splice - Adrien Brody makes a daughter the hard way, then has sex with it.


----------



## Alberto7 (Apr 3, 2011)

The Professional: Creepy, old, badass hitman has disturbing relationship with a pre-teen Natalie Portman while he slices some throats.

The Shawshank Redemption: Dude escapes from prison by carving the cell's wall with a spoon, and going through a sewage system.

Ironman: Hey look! I have endless supplies of energy and a badass armor that can fuck shit up!


----------



## synrgy (Apr 3, 2011)

Kill Bill: Bride gets revenge for failed abortion procedure.


----------



## Dimensionator (Apr 3, 2011)

Titanic - Unsinkable ship sinks.


----------



## vampiregenocide (Apr 3, 2011)

Saving Private Ryan - Bad admin work leads to avoidable personnel losses.


----------



## vhmetalx (Apr 3, 2011)

Insidious - Everyone dropped wayyy too much acid and thought they reached a place called "the further".


----------



## Dimensionator (Apr 3, 2011)

Never Say Never - Adolescent boy finally reaches the age of puberty, only to be eternally high-pitched and hate-inducing.


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 3, 2011)

Shaun of the Dead - Man experiences normal day in England.


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 3, 2011)

How High - Two men further the "black" stereotype.


----------



## BrainArt (Apr 3, 2011)

Friday: Two black men sit on porch, smoke illegal substances.


----------



## vampiregenocide (Apr 3, 2011)

Daemoniac said:


> Shaun of the Dead - Man experiences normal day in England.


 
Pretty much.


----------



## White Cluster (Apr 3, 2011)

Brokeback Mountain --- The adventures of Randy and Stealth


----------



## josh pelican (Apr 3, 2011)

Anything by M. Night Shyahimalayan - There's a twist.


----------



## vampiregenocide (Apr 3, 2011)

Two and a Half Men - Show based on Charlie Sheen's life.


----------



## josh pelican (Apr 3, 2011)

vampiregenocide said:


> Two and a Half Men - Show based on Charlie Sheen's life.



I was going to say, "Charlie gets drunk, gets laid, and makes fun of his brother", but it's the same thing.


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 3, 2011)

South Park The Movie - Kyle's Mom's a bitch


----------



## BrainArt (Apr 4, 2011)

Team America World Police: America. Fuck yeah.


----------



## Sang-Drax (Apr 4, 2011)

groph said:


> Jurassic Park  Newman meets an untimely fate


----------



## metal_sam14 (Apr 4, 2011)

Brokeback mountain: Sodomy

Edit:


White Cluster said:


> Brokeback Mountain --- The adventures of Randy and Stealth



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6Yc5L8zfPw


----------



## Jontain (Apr 4, 2011)

, whole thread has had me giggling, good work guys.


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 4, 2011)

Gran Torino - Racist old man divides by zero.


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 4, 2011)

Scream 1-3 - Teenage douchebags experience what their acting inflicts on the viewers.


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 4, 2011)

Lord of The Rings - Tom Bombadil silenced, pending legal action.


----------



## BrainArt (Apr 4, 2011)

Star Wars Episode IV: Luke Skywalker finds out he's a descendant of a former Jedi, kisses his sister.


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 4, 2011)

Star Wars Episode V: Only black man in universe causes ruckus.


----------



## BrainArt (Apr 4, 2011)

Star Wars Episode VI: It's a trap!


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 4, 2011)

BrainArt said:


> Star Wars Episode VI: It's a trap!



Star Wars Episode VI: Squid/Human hybrid predicts trap after trap has happened.

EDIT: Or alternatively;

Star Wars Episode VI: Half completed battle station more effective than original - original draftsman to be fired into sun.


----------



## USMarine75 (Apr 4, 2011)

The Armada said:


> Anything with Nicholas Cage (with the exception of G.I.60S.): Terrible.


 


How To Tell If Youre Watching A Bad Nicolas Cage Movie  The Jay  Fresh and Funny Pop Culture Commentary

Put the bunny down..."

Seriously though... The Rock? Broken Arrow? National Treasure? The Wicker Man? OK, the last one blew donkey balls... but the others I liked.


----------



## Guitarman700 (Apr 4, 2011)

USMarine75 said:


> How To Tell If Youre Watching A Bad Nicolas Cage Movie  The Jay  Fresh and Funny Pop Culture Commentary
> 
> Put the bunny down..."
> 
> Seriously though... The Rock? Broken Arrow? National Treasure? The Wicker Man? OK, the last one blew donkey balls... but the others I liked.


----------



## USMarine75 (Apr 4, 2011)

Requiem for a Dream - 100 minutes of meh, 2 minutes of Jennifer Connelly ass-to-ass baby yeah.


----------



## White Cluster (Apr 4, 2011)

Boogie Nights - A big dork portrays a dumb dork with a huge dork.


----------



## Dimensionator (Apr 4, 2011)

Silence of the Lambs - Woman puts lotion in a basket.


----------



## Xaios (Apr 4, 2011)

*Time for a Star Trek special!*

Star Trek: The Motion Picture - The crew of the Enterprise try to fight off a giant space-cloud thing that we don't understand. Turns out we built it.

Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan - KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!

Star Trek III: The Search For Spock - They kill his son, those Klingon bastards.

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home - Whales, Wessels and Time Travel, oh my!

Star Trek V: The Final Frontier - God needs a starship, and William Shatner needs a star vehicle.

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country The Federation makes peace with the Rus... er, Klingons. In Shakespeare.

Star Trek: Generatons - Kirk dies a totally awesome and heroic death. Then he gets a bridge dropped on him.

Star Trek: First Contact - The Next-Gen crew fight bionic space zombies in the past, and discover their hero is a drunken loon.

Star Trek: Insurrection - Dr. Crusher's boobs firm up.

Star Trek: Nemesis - A clone of Picard wants to blow up everything, and Data meets his retard twin.

Star Trek - They manage to make a GREEN chick totally hot. That's all that really matters.


----------



## USMarine75 (Apr 4, 2011)

Rules of Engagement - Marine shoots prematurely; should have shot sooner.


----------



## Guitarman700 (Apr 4, 2011)

Xaios said:


> Star Trek: Generatons - Kirk dies a totally awesome heros death. Then he gets a bridge dropped on him.



Bridge on the captain!


----------



## USMarine75 (Apr 4, 2011)

Catwoman - No one knows the plot because no one has ever watched it with the volume on.
Killing Me Softly - No one knows the plot because no one has ever watched it with the volume on.
Swordfish - 98 minutes of a bad James Bond ripoff and a 1 minute glorious boob shot that was immediately sent as a NSFW email attachment to everyone you knew.
Boogie Nights - Roller Girl.


----------



## vampiregenocide (Apr 4, 2011)

The Dark Knight - Christian Bale Cannibal Corpse audition tape.

Jurassic Park - Highlighting the importance of having a reliable staff of more than 4 people in a zoo filled with predatory dinosaurs. 

Jaws - Bigger boat wasn't big enough.


----------



## josh pelican (Apr 4, 2011)

Cube - Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

Airline Stewardess Captured by a Sex-Sadist: An airline stewardess gets captured by a sadistic sexual predator.

Attack Girls Swim Team vs the Undead: There's something in the water.

Kids - Casper isn't a friendly ghost anymore .

Thriller - A Cruel Picture: It's an angry hooker with a sawed-off double-barreled shotgun! Run! RUN!

Redneck Zombies - There's something in the moonshine turning rednecks into zombies.


----------



## synrgy (Apr 4, 2011)

Some Arnold flicks:
Commando: Arnie rescues Tony Danza's daughter.
Last Action Hero: Arnie stars in a movie paying homage to Arnie movies.
Kindergarten Cop: IT'S NOT A TUMAH -- or -- I'M A COP YOU IDIOT
True Lies: Middle aged Jamie Lee Curtis is hotter than your teenage girlfriend.
Jingle all the Way: Not even Sinbad can make this funny.
Twins: We're supposed to believe Danny DeVito is Arnie's twin brother.
Junior: Arnie is pregnant, yet never gets invited to the Maury Povich show.
Total Recall: Get your ass to Mars *glitch* Get your ass to Mars *glitch* Get your ass to Mars... (Also, 3 boobs.)

Some more Tarantino:
Reservoir Dogs: Mr Pink is a professional.
Pulp Fiction: It's the one that says 'Bad Motherfucker' on it.
Inglorious Basterds: Jews kill Hitler.
Deathproof: Jack Burton's getting bored in his later years.
Jackie Brown: Amazing cast + Brilliant director = Crap film. (?!)


----------



## Guitarman700 (Apr 4, 2011)

The wicker man (remake)


----------



## Xaios (Apr 4, 2011)

Such a ridiculously awful movie. Up until that point, Nicholas Cage's career was a meticulously balanced "1 good movie, 1 bad movie" pendulum.

Then "The Wicker Man" happened.

Truly, it was a movie so laughably bad, you couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy. That is, if you could stop laughing.


----------



## Guitarman700 (Apr 4, 2011)

Xaios said:


> Such a ridiculously awful movie. Up until that point, Nicholas Cage's career was a meticulously balanced "1 good movie, 1 bad movie" pendulum.
> 
> Then "The Wicker Man" happened.
> 
> Truly, it was a movie so laughably bad, you couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy. That is, if you could stop laughing.



HOW'D IT GET BURNED!


----------



## White Cluster (Apr 4, 2011)

American Psycho - Read the book.


----------



## BrainArt (Apr 4, 2011)

American History X: Skinhead cuts swastika tattoo off chest, decides not to be a neo-Nazi anymore.

The Godfather: He'll make you an offer you can't refuse.


----------



## Grand Moff Tim (Apr 5, 2011)

Day of the Dead: Hello, Aunt Alicia.


----------



## BrainArt (Apr 5, 2011)

Star Wars Episode I: My my, this dear Anakin guy, maybe Vader someday later, but he's just a small fry.

Star Wars Episode II: Anakin is barely a Jedi Knight, fondles older woman.


----------



## ROAR (Apr 5, 2011)

Synecdoche, New York- middle aged failure takes longer to make an art project than Muhammed, Jani, and Casey combined.

Casino Royale- British spy is so good at poker he almost loses his testicles because of it.

Quantum of Solace- British spy hates big global business, and epic foreign operas.

Back To The Future- Time travel causes the shakes. 

Memento- Idiot with short term memory loss fucks up his own life, but it's ok he won't remember.

Following- Idiot flat out fucks up his own life.


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 5, 2011)

ROAR said:


> Casino Royale- British spy is so good at poker he almost loses his testicles because of it.



Casino Royale (1966) - Director takes too much acid; everybody plays Bond.


----------



## BrainArt (Apr 5, 2011)

Austin Powers: Yeah, baby!


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 5, 2011)

Dirty Harry - Gnarly cop suggests criminal class feel more lucky.


----------



## Loomer (Apr 5, 2011)

Event Horizon: Sam Neill loses shit, Laurence Fishburne takes it in stride, all things considered.


----------



## 13point9 (Apr 5, 2011)

Loomer said:


> Event Horizon: Sam Neill loses shit, Laurence Fishburne takes it in stride, all things considered.



when your underage daughter is a pornstar, having someone summon hell is a tame revelation in comparison...


----------



## redskyharbor (Apr 5, 2011)

2001 - A Space Odyssey: Passive aggressive homicidal shipboard AI cheats at game of chess, murders crew later.

Paranormal Activity: Mischievous demon has a laugh at a young couples expense, has trouble shutting doors properly.


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 5, 2011)

The Exorcist - Crabwalk V1.0


----------



## WickedSymphony (Apr 5, 2011)

Clerks 2: Woman of ethnic minority admits going ass to mouth, teaches white man to dance to "ABC" by Jackson 5; Donkey show ensues.


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 5, 2011)

V For Vendetta - [this] valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.


In all seriousness though, I fucking love that quote.


----------



## BrainArt (Apr 5, 2011)

Bill and Ted's Most Excellent Adventure:


----------



## synrgy (Apr 5, 2011)

Closer - Despite playing a stripper, no nudity from Portman.


----------



## Xaios (Apr 5, 2011)

The Thin Red Line: Soldiers wax poetic while fighting the Japs.

The Day After Tomorrow: Global warming causes an ice age, all the extras die in standard Roland Emmerich fashion.

Doom: Some people turn into demons on Mars, Karl Urban relives an FPS, The Rock says "fuck" 1,254 times.

Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade: Sean Connery drinks from the Holy Grail, becomes immortal, has looked exactly the same ever since it was made 22 years ago.


----------



## synrgy (Apr 5, 2011)

Xaios said:


> it was made 22 years ago.



FUCK. That just made me feel really old. I saw that movie in the theater..


----------



## caskettheclown (Apr 5, 2011)

Titanic: Big ship sinks and guy falls in love and dies in the ice cold sea.

also Titanic Blows Ass


----------



## White Cluster (Apr 5, 2011)

Ghost - Dead white guy haunts the Predator to impress Demi Moore.


----------



## synrgy (Apr 5, 2011)

White Cluster said:


> Ghost - Dead white guy haunts the Predator to impress Demi Moore.



Wait.. What? What does the Predator have to do with that movie?


----------



## MFB (Apr 5, 2011)

synrgy said:


> Wait.. What? What does the Predator have to do with that movie?



Probably not the best choice of word, I think he meant to say perpetrator and used predator instead; end result, the guy who did it


----------



## vampiregenocide (Apr 5, 2011)

Showgirls = TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTSSS.


----------



## White Cluster (Apr 5, 2011)

synrgy said:


> Wait.. What? What does the Predator have to do with that movie?





MFB said:


> Probably not the best choice of word, I think he meant to say perpetrator and used predator instead; end result, the guy who did it



Google Whoopi Goldberg.

It's a damn shame I gotta explain that one


----------



## synrgy (Apr 5, 2011)

MFB said:


> Probably not the best choice of word, I think he meant to say perpetrator and used predator instead; end result, the guy who did it



It was the capitalization of the word ('Predator' as opposed to 'predator') far more than the word itself that threw me off. 

I was trying to imagine how awesome that movie might actually have been if it actually did have the Predator in it.


----------



## synrgy (Apr 5, 2011)

White Cluster said:


> Google Whoopi Goldberg.
> 
> It's a damn shame I gotta explain that one





Harsh, but hilarious.


----------



## White Cluster (Apr 5, 2011)




----------



## synrgy (Apr 5, 2011)

Revenge of the Nerds: Plot summary provided by title.
Black Hawk Down: Plot summary provided by title.
Road Trip: Plot summary provided by title.
40 Year Old Virgin: Plot summary provided by title.

Transformers: MICHAEL BAY SMASH!!
Transformers 2 - Revenge of the Fallen: RACIST MICHAEL BAY SMASH!!

What the Bleep Do We Know?: Incredibly annoying deaf woman inexplicably tries really hard to distract us from otherwise wonderful interviews with brilliant contemporary scientists.

The Last Airbender: Sorry, no refunds.

Avatar: James Cameron's Avahontis With Wolves For Terra of Dune Gully* 


*stolen from myself via the original Avatar thread


----------



## vampiregenocide (Apr 5, 2011)

Black Hawk Down = Call Of Duty Modern Wafare


----------



## MFB (Apr 5, 2011)

Black Hawk Down = Surprisingly about a helicopter crashing and not a bird with a crippled wing


----------



## yingmin (Apr 5, 2011)




----------



## Skanky (Apr 5, 2011)

Xaios said:


> Such a ridiculously awful movie. Up until that point, Nicholas Cage's career was a meticulously balanced "1 good movie, 1 bad movie" pendulum.
> 
> Then "The Wicker Man" happened.
> 
> Truly, it was a movie so laughably bad, you couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy. That is, if you could stop laughing.





This thread is now about "The Wicker Man" plot summaries:


The Wicker Man - Nicholas Cage punches a woman while running around the woods in a bear suit during the serious part of the movie.


----------



## Skanky (Apr 5, 2011)

The Last Temptation of Christ - God has a bad heir day.


----------



## Xaios (Apr 5, 2011)

Bruce Almighty - Jim Carrey becomes God, proceeds to become the kind of guy that Patrick Stewart talked about on Extras.


----------



## Waelstrum (Apr 5, 2011)

V for Vendetta: Stephen Fry is in violence movie  .


----------



## Alberto7 (Apr 5, 2011)

Saw saga: Pain + Blood + Explicit + "I wanna play a game" = Puke


----------



## groph (Apr 5, 2011)

Primer - ????


----------



## Grand Moff Tim (Apr 5, 2011)

Glitter: Please God, make it stop.


----------



## josh pelican (Apr 5, 2011)

Cecil B. Demented - A movie about an independent movie being made.


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 6, 2011)

josh pelican said:


> Cecil B. Demented - A movie about an independent movie being made.


----------



## josh pelican (Apr 6, 2011)

No, really. It's a movie about making a movie. John Waters is the man.


----------



## NaYoN (Apr 6, 2011)

Primer - What the fuck just will have has happened?


----------



## Wingchunwarrior (Apr 6, 2011)

BrainArt said:


> American History X: Skinhead cuts swastika tattoo off chest, decides not to be a neo-Nazi anymore.
> 
> The Godfather: He'll make you an offer you can't refuse.




or 

American History X:

after a rape, racist guy now not so racist ,Fat guy from My Name is Earl gets mad


----------



## Wingchunwarrior (Apr 6, 2011)

Knowing:

Guy knows but still dies


----------



## vampiregenocide (Apr 6, 2011)

Donnie Darko - Your guess is as good as mine.


----------



## PyramidSmasher (Apr 6, 2011)

Rain man: Tom cruise exploits the mentally challenged for money

And while typing this, I couldnt help but notice...

Scientology: Tom cruise exploits the mentally challenged for money


----------



## silentrage (Apr 6, 2011)

Equilibrium: Batman combines kungfu and gun fighting, saves puppies and burns monalisa. 

Gattaca: Ethan Hawk acts like he's not a totally hotbeefmanthing.


----------



## pink freud (Apr 6, 2011)

Hitchhiker's Guide: You get to see Zooey in her undies.


----------



## GazPots (Apr 6, 2011)

vampiregenocide said:


> Donnie Darko - Your guess is as good as mine.



Win!


----------



## Guitarman700 (Apr 6, 2011)

Serenity:I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar.


----------



## Xaios (Apr 6, 2011)

Serenity:I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I BLAAAARRRRGGH...


----------



## Guitarman700 (Apr 6, 2011)

Xaios said:


> Serenity:I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I BLAAAARRRRGGH...



Wash was my favorite.


----------



## vampiregenocide (Apr 6, 2011)

Valkyrie - No seriously, we're totally not American.


----------



## vampiregenocide (Apr 6, 2011)

TROY - Back in the days when security checks would have saved a lot of lives.


----------



## White Cluster (Apr 6, 2011)

Pulp Fiction - Man in robe loves coffee and *does not do* dead [email protected] storage


----------



## vampiregenocide (Apr 7, 2011)

Wrong Turn - Another normal day in the deep south US.


----------



## pink freud (Apr 7, 2011)

Phone Booth - Jack Bauer plays a prank call.


----------



## Meatbucket (Apr 7, 2011)

Lord of the Rings: Small boy gets ring sting. Older men forced to watch.

The Matrix: Whoa.

Constantine: Shia Labeouf is still a little bitch.


----------



## Dimensionator (Apr 7, 2011)

Transformers 1/Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen: 2 hours (each) of looking for the best Megan Fox shots. Also robots are fighting, or something like that.


----------



## josh pelican (Apr 7, 2011)

Kong - A six hour movie with 15 minutes of King Kong.


----------



## Meatbucket (Apr 7, 2011)

Titanic: Leonardo DiCaprio bitching about not having a wife and kids.

Blood Diamond: Leonardo DiCaprio trying to find jewels for would-be wife and kids.

The Departed: Leonardo DiCaprio bitching about not having a wife and kids.

Shutter Island: Leonardo DiCaprio bitching about not seeing his wife and kids.

Inception: Leonardo DiCaprio bitching about not seeing his wife and kids.

Catch Me If You Can: Leonardo DiCaprio running while lying about having wife and kids.


----------



## pink freud (Apr 7, 2011)

Meatbucket said:


> Titanic: Leonardo DiCaprio bitching about not having a wife and kids.
> 
> Blood Diamond: Leonardo DiCaprio trying to find jewels for would-be wife and kids.
> 
> ...



The Beach: Leonardo DiCaprio steals men's would-be wives, no kids.


----------



## apiss (Apr 7, 2011)

The Other Guys: Will Ferrell is a former pimp turned into a nerd cop, and Mark Wahlberg is a peacock who wants to fly.


----------



## synrgy (Apr 11, 2011)

Source Code: 1 part Speed + 1 part Inception + 1 part Avatar.


----------



## yingmin (Apr 11, 2011)

synrgy said:


> Source Code: 1 part Speed + 1 part Inception + 1 part Avatar.



From the ads, I thought it looked like a bad rehashing of Twelve Monkeys, with a dash of Prince of Persia (also starring Gyllenhaal).


----------



## DaveCarter (Apr 11, 2011)

Great stuff, keep them coming!  Summary of 300?


----------



## Alberto7 (Apr 11, 2011)

Fantasia: Too much LSD for one man to handle.

Also, I REALLY want to watch Source Code.


----------



## JPhoenix19 (Apr 11, 2011)

Lord of the Rings trilogy: None of this would have happened if Lord Elrond had just kicked Isildur into the damn pit.

300: None of this would have happened if King Leonidas hadn't just kicked the messenger into the damn pit.


----------



## Alberto7 (Apr 11, 2011)

DaveCarter said:


> Great stuff, keep them coming!  Summary of 300?



300 buff, narcissistic Spartans (and Gollum) battle what seem to be the greatest hordes of Mordor... Gollum then betrays.


----------



## White Cluster (Apr 11, 2011)

Deliverance - To further the stereotype that southerners are stupidand tasteless,two hillbillies decide to rape Ned Beatty instead of Burt Reynolds.


----------



## BrainArt (Apr 11, 2011)

Friday After Next: So good, it makes you want to slap your mamma!


----------



## metal_sam14 (Apr 11, 2011)

I spit on your grave (remake): Girl gets gang raped, then kills everyone


----------



## Thep (Apr 12, 2011)

Meatbucket said:


> Titanic: Leonardo DiCaprio bitching about not having a wife and kids.
> 
> Blood Diamond: Leonardo DiCaprio trying to find jewels for would-be wife and kids.
> 
> ...



The Quick and the dead: Leaonardo DiCaprio is killed in a duel he participated in to have wife and kids.


----------



## soliloquy (Apr 12, 2011)

speedracer: watch when intoxicated. story doesn't matter!


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 12, 2011)

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World - Video game and movie have beautiful love children.


----------



## Skyblue (Apr 12, 2011)

The King's Speech: Fuck. Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck and fuck! Fuck, fuck and bugger! Bugger, bugger, buggerty buggerty buggerty, fuck, fuck, arse! Balls, balls! Fuckity, shit, shit, fuck and willy. Willy, shit and fuck and... tits.

I know, not much of a sentence, but I still think it fits.


----------



## lobee (Apr 13, 2011)

_Undefeatable_ - Kristi Jones avenges her sister's death at the hands of a crazed martial arts rapist.

This is the actual storyline from imdb: Undefeatable (1993) - IMDb


----------



## Guitarman700 (Apr 13, 2011)

lobee said:


> _Undefeatable_ - Kristi Jones avenges her sister's death at the hands of a crazed martial arts rapist.
> 
> This is the actual storyline from imdb: Undefeatable (1993) - IMDb


What the fuck is a martial arts rapist? Someone who rapes martial arts?


----------



## lobee (Apr 13, 2011)

Guitarman700 said:


> What the fuck is a martial arts rapist? Someone who rapes martial arts?


Yes. This film is 90 minutes of martial arts raping by everyone involved.


----------



## Guitarman700 (Apr 13, 2011)

OMG.
As a fan of bad movies, It is now my mission to own a copy of this. It'll look great next to manos, the hands of fate and birdemic on my media shelf.


----------



## tacotiklah (Apr 13, 2011)

Gamma362 said:


> Inception: Its a dream within a dream within a dream, and shit goes down



....another 1-2 levels.


----------



## Gamma362 (Apr 13, 2011)

ghstofperdition said:


> ....another 1-2 levels.


so its a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream, where shit goes down, and an asian dude dies?


----------



## Guitarman700 (Apr 13, 2011)

Gamma362 said:


> and an asian dude dies?



But not really.


----------



## Dexterecus (Apr 15, 2011)

All of these read like really cool newspaper headlines.


----------



## Kodee_Kaos (Apr 15, 2011)

Favorite was actually one I read on a Dish TV description


*Tremors*:_
High speed subterranean worms terrorize people in the middle of nowhere._


----------



## josh pelican (Apr 16, 2011)

Saw 1-100: There's a game that he would like you to play.


----------



## BrainArt (Apr 16, 2011)

The Gene Generation: Set in a futuristic environment, female Asian assassin looks to make life better for herself and her younger brother, kills people; has sex with scientist.


Despite the shit acting, it's a fairly enjoyable movie.


----------



## Cabinet (Apr 16, 2011)

No Country for Old Men: Corrupt law enforcement agent gets shot, gas station worker gets a lucky coin.


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 16, 2011)

Rambo (2008) - Burmese soldiers shoot at Rambo for 1.5 hours without significant effect.


----------



## Customisbetter (Apr 16, 2011)

Salt: Lips


----------



## Daemoniac (Apr 16, 2011)

Customisbetter said:


> Salt: Lips



Salt: Purgatory.


----------



## Meatbucket (Apr 16, 2011)

Pirates of the Caribbean: Boat and hoes.


----------



## pink freud (Apr 16, 2011)

Gattaca: Physician fondles phony phallus.


----------



## BrainArt (Apr 16, 2011)

Meatbucket said:


> Pirates of the Caribbean: Boat and hoes.



Pirates of the Caribbean: Where's all the rum gone?


----------



## simulclass83 (Apr 16, 2011)

The Fighter: Movie of man (who has like 12 bitchy sisters) fighting who has a brother thats also a fighter, thats also a druggie, that also like to jump out of windows into dumpsters.


----------



## Djent (Apr 17, 2011)

Freddy Got Fingered: Daddy, would you like some sausage?

Half Baked: Guys sell a shitload of weed to get their bro out of jail.

Napoleon Dynamite: Rejected teen hooks up with girl, makes his friend class prez, and fights with brother and uncle turned wannabe door-to-door salesmen.

American Pie: Four guys try to get laid

American Pie 2: Same guys throw a huge beach party and get laid, again.

American Wedding: One of the guys gets marries, and all of them get laid, again.

Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle: Two stoners go a bit too far for some White Castle.


----------



## Cabinet (Apr 18, 2011)

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus: Asian guy fucks a white woman


----------



## Alberto7 (Apr 18, 2011)

Is it wrong/weird/odd that I actually take movie suggestions from this thread?  I actually judge the movie depending on its one-line summary... So far, the one's I've seen, almost perfectly match the one-liners.


----------

