# China invents new machine for sperm bank donors :eek:



## soundgardener75 (Sep 22, 2012)

Chinese hospitals introduce hands-free automatic 'sperm extractor' for donors (that even play videos to 'help')

Automatic sperm extractors are being introduced in a Nanjing hospital, capital of Jiangsu province
By DAILY MAIL REPORTER
PUBLISHED: 06:43 EST, 21 September 2012 

Chinese hospitals are introducing a new machine which can extract sperm for donors.

According to Chinas Weibo social platform the automatic sperm extractors are being introduced in a Nanjing hospital, capital of Jiangsu province. 

The pink, grey and white machine has a massage pipe at the front which apparently can be adjusted according to the height of its user.

Speed, frequency, amplitude and temperature are also controllable.

It has a small screen on the top which plays films for the user to help them with the extraction process. 

The director of the urology department at Zhengzhou Central Hospital said the machine was being used by infertility patients who are finding it difficult to retrieve sperm the old fashioned way.

A website which is selling the machine for $2,800 promoting it stating 'it can give patients very comfortable feeling.'

------

Check out the video from the link.


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## Necris (Sep 22, 2012)

I'll take 8.


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## flexkill (Sep 22, 2012)

Necris said:


> I'll take 8.


^^


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## Wrecklyss (Sep 22, 2012)

Anybody else nervous about this thing being made in China? Yikes!


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## flexkill (Sep 22, 2012)

Wrecklyss said:


> Anybody else nervous about this thing being made in China? Yikes!



I wonder if that's a KT88 tube you stick your prick in?


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## MFB (Sep 22, 2012)

This machine wont be worth jack unless they named it the Handy Dandy


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## flexkill (Sep 22, 2012)

MFB said:


> This machine wont be worth jack unless they named it the Handy Dandy


Naaaa, The Hasselhoff has a nice ring to it.


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## BlackMastodon (Sep 22, 2012)

soundgardener75 said:


> A website which is selling the machine for $2,800 promoting it stating 'it can give patients very comfortable feeling.'


Oh I bet it can.  So to my understanding you just kinda stick your dick in there and it more or less blows you?

where do I get one?...


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## ittoa666 (Sep 22, 2012)

This thread is full of s. 


But seriously, I think I might need one of these.


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## squid-boy (Sep 22, 2012)

My girlfriend's really upset that I'm replacing her once I get the loan from my bank.

... just kidding.

But seriously. I have no idea how I feel about this. On one hand, it's awesome. On the other hand, it's weird. On my dick, it's fantastic.


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## Electric Wizard (Sep 22, 2012)

So... since it's for "donations," you just have to stick your johnson in the same hole that every other guy has been raw doggin'?

I'll pass.


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## splinter8451 (Sep 22, 2012)

Electric Wizard said:


> So... since it's for "donations," you just have to stick your johnson in the same hole that every other guy has been raw doggin'?
> 
> I'll pass.



I'm sure there is some form of sanitation  

The inner lining is probably changed after every donation.


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## flexkill (Sep 22, 2012)

soundgardener75 said:


> A website which is selling the machine for $2,800 promoting it stating 'it can give patients very comfortable feeling.'



Quoting one of the best "Beavis&Butthead" lines ever....

"Uhhhh uh huh 2,800 dollars uhhh no problem, would you like that in cash or do you want me to just spank the monkey again hu hu hu"


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## 8Fingers (Sep 22, 2012)

Why "eek"?
It's only a vibrator, nothing more.
A lot of guys around the world only have it as a................partner.
Oh and their puters


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## s_k_mullins (Sep 22, 2012)

So we could be jacked off by a machine that simultaneously shows us porn?

Goddamn, I love the future!!


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## flexkill (Sep 22, 2012)

s_k_mullins said:


> So we could be jacked off by a machine that simultaneously shows us porn?
> 
> Goddamn, I love the future!!



It's the mans answer to the Sybian


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## s_k_mullins (Sep 22, 2012)

They should have at least given it a human/female-like appearance. So I won't feel like I'm banging R2D2's girlfriend.


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## 8Fingers (Sep 22, 2012)

s_k_mullins said:


> So we could be jacked off by a machine that simultaneously shows us porn?
> 
> Goddamn, I love the future!!



Nope, soon we all will have a "hot chick looking" robot jacking off us for free, only asking a couple of ours plugged to the wall to recharge its batteries.
Sad and lonely world for sure


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## 8Fingers (Sep 22, 2012)

s_k_mullins said:


> They should have at least given it a human/female-like appearance. So I won't feel like I'm banging R2D2's girlfriend.



You mean.........


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## 7 Strings of Hate (Sep 22, 2012)

you guys are killin me


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## Necris (Sep 22, 2012)

s_k_mullins said:


> They should have at least given it a human/female-like appearance. So I won't feel like I'm banging R2D2's girlfriend.





So this would be more appealing then?


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## caskettheclown (Sep 22, 2012)

I need one for ...purposes

wait no I don't. If I get one i'll never get anything done.

decisions decisions


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## Chickenhawk (Sep 22, 2012)

It's drawing near...


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## flexkill (Sep 22, 2012)

We thought sports had a lot of athletes walking around with "pulled groins" haha....oh shit when this thing hits!!!!


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## BlackMastodon (Sep 22, 2012)

Ideas for second generation FleshLight? Would probably single handedly fix the economy if those dropped.


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## UnderTheSign (Sep 23, 2012)

BlackMastodon said:


> Ideas for second generation FleshLight? Would probably single handedly fix the economy if those dropped.


Ahem.. Fleshbot Reviews the Real Touch, a Video-Synchronized Masturbator

Been done before!


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## BucketheadRules (Sep 23, 2012)

Electric Wizard said:


> So... since it's for "donations," you just have to stick your johnson in the same hole that every other guy has been raw doggin'?
> 
> I'll pass.



Sloppy seconds. 

Or thirds, or fourths... or eighty-ninths


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## Mr. Big Noodles (Sep 23, 2012)

On a completely unappealing note, has anybody looked at the linked articles at the bottom of the page?

Too fat for murder: TLC's Half-Ton Killer tells shocking tale of 1,100lb woman who confessed to killing her nephew - until her weight proved testimony was a LIE | Mail Online



No amount of Chinese masturbation machines (talk about outsourcing) can quell my hatred for humanity.


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## Pooluke41 (Sep 23, 2012)

SchecterWhore said:


> On a completely unappealing note, has anybody looked at the linked articles at the bottom of the page?
> 
> Too fat for murder: TLC's Half-Ton Killer tells shocking tale of 1,100lb woman who confessed to killing her nephew - until her weight proved testimony was a LIE | Mail Online
> 
> ...









Dat ass.


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## BlackMastodon (Sep 23, 2012)

I actually went to that article too and almost vomited in my mouth every time I saw her. That's beyond gluttony and disgusting.


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## soundgardener75 (Sep 23, 2012)

DAFUQ? I don't get how people allowed themselves to be that way.


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## BlackMastodon (Sep 23, 2012)

^Pretty sure you actually have to try incredibly hard to become that big by eating as much as physically possible, not moving, and constantly being full throughout the whole day. I don't understand it but than again I have a good metabolism and move around (sometimes).


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## Guitarmiester (Sep 23, 2012)

I'm going to pretend that's a flesh-colored bean bag chair that she's sitting on in bed.


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## CrushingAnvil (Sep 23, 2012)

I like how when the Chinese were developing this, they would have kept a straight face the whole time. They're a bit like Germany. 

"Yes, we are making the extraction of semen easier - why is that funny?"


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## JosephAOI (Sep 23, 2012)

10/10 would bang


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## 8Fingers (Sep 23, 2012)

soundgardener75 said:


> DAFUQ? I don't get how people allowed themselves to be that way.



There's something called brain.
It's all about chemistry.
Brains have problems like any other part of our bodies, some have more, some less.
There are people who kill their own kids and some even eat them, there are all kinds of psychos.
If you really think somebody wants to be that way and is happy for being that way, you really should study/read more(important things) cause seriously you're out of reality.

Poor woman, only putting myself in her position for a second, makes me wanna kill myself.I don't know how she stands that situation.If I was a doctor, I'd help those people without charging cause they already payed too much for their diseases 

These days people love hating, judging, pointing fingers etc.You don't know how your situation will be in a few years, you don't even know if you'll be alive tomorrow, what about all surprises your brain will bring to you


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## Luke Acacia (Sep 24, 2012)

Best thread


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## Nile (Sep 24, 2012)

Can we go back to the comments of jacking off?


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## -42- (Sep 24, 2012)

Nile said:


> Can we go back to the comments of jacking off?








Go for it.


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## 8Fingers (Sep 24, 2012)




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## Waelstrum (Sep 24, 2012)

Oh good. China famously has too small a population.


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## morrowcosom (Sep 24, 2012)

Japan better step it up a notch.


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## texshred777 (Sep 24, 2012)

I've never heard that China's population is lacking. 

With that in mind, I suddenly feel that China's population could use some Hebrew. It's only right that I serve my fellow humans as best as I can. I don't know that I'd want to be first in line..calibrations and all that.


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## 8Fingers (Sep 24, 2012)

Think about if all China population was fat.
If all of them love eating cows.
Theirs and cows farts would make Yellowstone look like an anthill


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## texshred777 (Sep 24, 2012)

UnderTheSign said:


> Ahem.. Fleshbot Reviews the Real Touch, a Video-Synchronized Masturbator
> 
> Been done before!



Read the fleshbot review. "it takes a village to jerk you off"..awesome. My ego doesn't need the help guys, but thank you nonetheless.


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## avenger (Sep 24, 2012)

What can be more efficient then this? Really?


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## flexkill (Sep 24, 2012)

avenger said:


> What can be more efficient then this? Really?


Well, evidently this.


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## 8Fingers (Sep 24, 2012)

avenger said:


> What can be more efficient then this? Really?



Some don't have it.
You're really mean if you thought "ok they don't have hands so....use your mouths!


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## Valennic (Sep 24, 2012)

So it's like a girlfriend that doesn't talk, and only sucks you off.

America will jump all over this.


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## soundgardener75 (Sep 24, 2012)

8Fingers said:


> There's something called brain.
> It's all about chemistry.
> Brains have problems like any other part of our bodies, some have more, some less.
> There are people who kill their own kids and some even eat them, there are all kinds of psychos.
> ...



I'm not here to argue broski, I'm aware of chemical imbalances in the brain, just saying how one can not just figure out "enough is enough". Anyways, you brought up good points on the matter. 

Anyways, soooo, who will be the one getting that unit first?


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## clark81 (Sep 24, 2012)

OMG


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## 8Fingers (Sep 24, 2012)

soundgardener75 said:


> chemical imbalances in the brain........................... just saying how one can not just figure out "enough is enough"............................*chemical imbalances in the brain*


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## Winspear (Sep 24, 2012)

I watched a documentary about that fat fuck earlier this year. Felt awful for her husband.


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## texshred777 (Sep 24, 2012)

Valennic said:


> So it's like a girlfriend that doesn't talk, and only sucks you off.
> 
> Any man who's ever had a girlfriend will jump all over this.



Fixed.


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## UnderTheSign (Sep 24, 2012)

texshred777 said:


> Read the fleshbot review. "it takes a village to jerk you off"..awesome. My ego doesn't need the help guys, but thank you nonetheless.


 I hadn't actually read the review yet but that was pretty good. I'd be pretty wary of sticking my dick into two rotating belts too...


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## JStraitiff (Sep 24, 2012)

What value could china possibly have in sperm donations? Their population is already off the charts. If you cant have babies DONT HELP THEM DO IT!... 

Btw this shit already exists. Its called the autoblow. Dont want to post a link cause theres demos


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## soundgardener75 (Sep 24, 2012)

JStraitiff said:


> What value could china possibly have in sperm donations? Their population is already off the charts. If you cant have babies DONT HELP THEM DO IT!...
> 
> Btw this shit already exists. Its called the autoblow. Dont want to post a link cause theres demos



They're probably creating an army of zombie experiments for the impending zombie apocalypse?


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## 8Fingers (Sep 24, 2012)

Please please send us some chinese zombies to eat our politicians before they kill all of us!
PLEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASEEEEEEEEEEE


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## Genome (Sep 28, 2012)

Do you have to cuddle the machine afterwards?


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## JosephAOI (Sep 28, 2012)

Valennic said:


> So it's like a girlfriend that doesn't talk, and only sucks you off.
> 
> America will jump all over this.



You have to stand up to use it. America will shun this.


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## Zoosadist (Sep 29, 2012)

Awful invention. The "happy ending" is the only reason I went to the sperm bank. Now I need to worry about getting it ripped off.


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## sol niger 333 (Sep 29, 2012)

I need a job. I'd jerk all those fellows for $2k even


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## incinerated_guitar (Sep 29, 2012)

sol niger 333 said:


> I need a job. I'd jerk all those fellows for $2k even


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## SuperMutant (Sep 29, 2012)

BlackMastodon said:


> Ideas for second generation FleshLight? Would probably single handedly fix the economy if those dropped.









Only 152.96! Get them while their hot! 




















Oh wait, their sold out.


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## SuperMutant (Sep 29, 2012)

sol niger 333 said:


> I need a job. I'd jerk all those fellows for $2k even



I got 3k in the bank. Sup honey?


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## Nile (Sep 29, 2012)

SuperMutant said:


> I got 3k in the bank. Sup honey?



This.


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## BlackMastodon (Sep 29, 2012)

SuperMutant said:


> Only 152.96! *Get them while their hot*!
> 
> Oh wait, their sold out.


That made me think of people buying them used.


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## SuperMutant (Sep 29, 2012)

BlackMastodon said:


> That made me think of people buying them used.


 You might need medical attention now. I was actually serious though me and my friend were looking at the fleshlight website (you don't need to know why ) and saw the mount thing and my friend clicked add to cart and it was sold out


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## Empryrean (Sep 29, 2012)

This thread is pretty epic, but that machine sucks dick.


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## Jason Spell (Sep 29, 2012)

What in the literal fuck.


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## Cynic (Sep 29, 2012)

meanwhile in china


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## Zoosadist (Sep 29, 2012)

_"I need a job. I'd jerk all those fellows for $2k even"

_A hand's a hand, a mouth's a mouth.


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## flexkill (Sep 29, 2012)

Not trying to derail this thread.....but talking about fat fucks..... I just watched the Comedy Central Roast of Roseanne Barr.....funny as shit.

She (Roseanne) was saying she was running for President and one of the roasters said "Roseanne, I was gonna vote for you for President, but I don't believe in BIG GOVERNMENT" LMAO!!!!!!


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## SenorDingDong (Sep 29, 2012)

I have a problem with the whole "double dipping" concept of this. And what I mean by double dipping is who wants to share a hole with 298328943 other dudes?


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## Nile (Sep 29, 2012)

SenorDingDong said:


> I have a problem with the whole "double dipping" concept of this. And what I mean by double dipping is who wants to share a hole with 298328943 other dudes?



This guy.


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## Pooluke41 (Sep 29, 2012)

SenorDingDong said:


> I have a problem with the whole "double dipping" concept of this. And what I mean by double dipping is who wants to share a hole with 298328943 other dudes?



Swingers.


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## BlackMastodon (Sep 29, 2012)

^2 very valid answers. And Senor, you could always just nab your own for a measly $2k. Who needs custom guitars when I can put my dick in a hole that vibrates?


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## Konfyouzd (Sep 29, 2012)

Not sticking my dick in any hole... Thank god I don't wanna be responsible for children in any way shape or form... 

EDIT:


myfriend said:


> That looks like a blood pressure machine... Like it would literally just wring the sperm straight out of your nuts...


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## SuperMutant (Sep 29, 2012)

Konfyouzd said:


> Not sticking my dick in any hole...



You the gay?


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## MFB (Sep 29, 2012)

I would just like to say I retract my previous name of "Handy Dandy" and feel this would be even BETTER, under the title

"The Jizz Whiz"


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## Ill-Gotten James (Sep 29, 2012)

So who will be the bold member on this forum to post the first "NSED" (New Sperm Extractor Day)?


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## SuperMutant (Sep 29, 2012)

Ill-Gotten James said:


> So who will be the bold member on this forum to post the first "NSED" (New Sperm Extractor Day)?



ME. IT EXTRACTS SPERM FROM MY NUTS THROUGH A NEEDLE THEN BABIES COME FLYING OUT OF THE MACHINE LIKE MONKEYS.


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## -42- (Sep 29, 2012)

SuperMutant said:


> You the gay?


Nope, just single.


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## soundgardener75 (Sep 29, 2012)

Reading through all the comments: OMFG you guise are the best!


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## texshred777 (Sep 29, 2012)

As far as the double dipping idea, I'm sure there's some kind of liner that goes into it. 

No different really than being the 3rd, 4th or 100th guy to nail some girl. I would hope that China's medical community is aware of such things as std's and has some kind of plan for hygiene. 

I'd do it. I'd turn down any payment, though. My seed is priceless.


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## AxeHappy (Sep 30, 2012)

Yeah, unless you're only nailing virgins the double-dipping thing is pretty much a part of life.


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## groph (Oct 1, 2012)

YEAH, I'LL NEED A BIGGER ONE THAN THAT.





But Christ, really? Almost $3000 for one of these things? I guess there's some fetish about fucking a machine that this plays into, maybe they get off on the whole clinical setting kind of thing, who knows.

_but three thousand fucking dollars?_


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## BlackMastodon (Oct 2, 2012)

All I can think of when someone uses it:


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## xxvicarious (Oct 2, 2012)

I was thinking "Damn.... that's a really small hole."

Then I realized. It was made in China


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## Cabinet (Oct 3, 2012)

>tfw no gf


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## Spaceman_Spiff (Oct 5, 2012)

Hmm...Not too sure about the build quality. Better just to wait until someone sells it and then get it secondhand.


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## All_¥our_Bass (Oct 6, 2012)

China accidentally'd the whole fleshlight!!

Kinda surprised japan hadn't done this first.


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## potatohead (Oct 6, 2012)

Does the machine spit or swallow?


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