# So my fiance is a bit um.....fat?



## asmegin_slayer (Aug 2, 2010)

The past 2-3 years I didn't realize how overweight i was (178 lbs at 5'8). But now I'm down to 158 lbs and gaining more muscle. When I started to work out I started to notice how chunky my fiance was getting, the once 120 pounder is now close to MY WEIGHT!. I can't stop to feel kinda embarrassed by it.

She knows it, I know it. She says that its a normal weight for her height (bullshit). I'm trying to stay positive and encourage her to work out more and watch her diet, but it seems there hasn't been any progress (though she says so).

We've been together for 5 years now and expecting to get married next october. I know that she will want to lose weight before the wedding, but what will happen afterwards? I can't stop to think after the wedding its just going to go downhill from there.

You can be the coolest chick in the world but if you don't look to the part, I can't slide with it.

I'm an asshole, i know.

Guidance anyone?


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## jaretthale78 (Aug 2, 2010)

more of her to love


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## MaxOfMetal (Aug 2, 2010)

Are you guys living together? If so, set the pace as far as eating right (recommend healthier places to eat), keeping "better" food in the house (i.e. no soda, snack food, etc.), sign both yourselves up to a gym, etc. 

Some other things to do:

Offer to cook a few days a week. There's plenty of easy, healthy, cheap meals you can make that still taste amazing.

Plan activities that involve getting out of the house. Go for walks/hikes, swimming, etc. Be creative.

Does she like cooking? If so, get her a cookbook aimed at eating healthier.


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## splinter8451 (Aug 2, 2010)

You could possibly get a bunch of people in here saying how much of an asshole you are and how if you love her enough to want to marry her then you should look past her weight blahdeeblah. But fuck that noise. 

If you aren't happy with it then just keep pushing her to work out to lose the weight, and keep working out yourself to set an example for her. Also, start doing healthy things together and start eating healthier and hopefully she will lose the weight and you will be happy. 

And if doing things the polite way does not change things then you might have to just lay down the law and tell her how it is  as hard as it may be. 

That's really all I can suggest, I'm not the greatest relationship advice person around


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## asmegin_slayer (Aug 2, 2010)

MaxOfMetal said:


> Are you guys living together? If so, set the pace as far as eating right (recommend healthier places to eat), keeping "better" food in the house (i.e. no soda, snack food, etc.), sign both yourselves up to a gym, etc.
> 
> Some other things to do:
> 
> ...




We do live together, have been for the past 3 years. We have been making some drastic changes. Hardly any chips, no soda's (though every now and then she would get me a mexican coca cola for lunch). We've been eating a shit ton of protein (homemade chicken breasts/legs/drums, Pork chops/ steak every now and then). 

We love liquor, but thats a every now and then situation for me. For her she likes drinking wine, sweet or unsweeten tea.

She can be stubborn sometimes to when it comes to working out. Especially when it comes to wearing the proper shoes to run, she'll buy some $20 running shoes that isn't going to do her justice and I keep telling her that. 

My job has a fitness center built in for employees only so I take advantage of that. She actually has a membership with her friend to a close by fitness center, yet when her friend doesn't work out she won't work out. She's really anti social and doesn't like going by herself. 

Bah! I'm just ranting, sorry about that.


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## teqnick (Aug 2, 2010)

Just from experience, if you want something to change; as Max already said - help her out. Also, I find that having a talk with her about it, regardless of how it may come off as you being a douche, will help. Communication is vital and honesty, while it may be brutal, is also crucial!


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## Adam Of Angels (Aug 2, 2010)

Dave, you're a man. If you want a hot woman, you either talk her into staying hot, or tell her what's up. You're not a dick for wanting her to stick to her potential when you're actually working out and what not.


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## josh pelican (Aug 2, 2010)

asmegin_slayer said:


> She's really anti social and doesn't like going by herself.



Would she go with you?


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## matty2fatty (Aug 2, 2010)

I dated a girl that was kind of like this, she liked her fast food and wouldn't work out on her own, but wouldn't really do anything with me either. Running was too hard, the gym wasn't fun, etc, etc. Funny though, once I broke up with her (not because of that) she started working out like a nut and lost a pile of weight, hahah


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## silentrage (Aug 2, 2010)

Dump her.


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## Opeth666 (Aug 2, 2010)

call me shallow but if your not attracted to the person and if it's just getting worse then why would you stay with her? regardless if shes the greatest person in the world if she is or is becoming less attractive to you then why put yourself in a situation that you may ultimately regret down the line?


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## jymellis (Aug 2, 2010)

what is her height and weight? is she proportionate for her dimensions? my wife is by no means "skinny" she is 5 '7" and about 175lbs. but she has that beyonce/j.lo/kardshian build.


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## asmegin_slayer (Aug 2, 2010)

Adam Of Angels said:


> Dave, you're a man. If you want a hot woman, you either talk her into staying hot, or tell her what's up. You're not a dick for wanting her to stick to her potential when you're actually working out and what not.



Thanks adam!



teqnick said:


> Just from experience, if you want something to change; as Max already said - help her out. Also, I find that having a talk with her about it, regardless of how it may come off as you being a douche, will help. Communication is vital and honesty, while it may be brutal, is also crucial!





josh pelican said:


> Would she go with you?




I may just have to do that, I should go with her to the gym after work. I'll be working out 2 times a day, but I think that would be good.


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## Pewtershmit (Aug 2, 2010)

tell her that BJ's help women lose weight. If that doesn't work, well at least you got a bunch of bj's out it. The "be honest, tell her how you feel" shit could work, but really who does that? 

amirite?


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## Stealthdjentstic (Aug 3, 2010)

Your not an asshole. Tell her to join you when you go to the gym, maybe not while you're bulking but when your cutting feed her what you eat but a little less.


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## jymellis (Aug 3, 2010)

what is her height and weight? is she proportionate for her dimensions? my wife is by no means "skinny" she is 5 '7" and about 175lbs. but she has that beyonce/j.lo/kardshian build.


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## zindrome (Aug 3, 2010)

Here's some alternate advice to what other people have said so far.
Working out can be fucking boring to a lot of people. Doing other physical activities together like going on hikes, biking on a trail, taking up rowing, join a local soccer club, join a swim team, go rock climbing, take up dancing, hot steamy yoga sessions etc etc can be a good alternative to hitting the gym. Bonus is you get to to hang out, have fun and lose weight together. 
Worth a shot if she doesn't want to hit the gym.
Goodluck


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## cwhitey2 (Aug 3, 2010)

zindrome said:


> Here's some alternate advice to what other people have said so far.
> Working out can be fucking boring to a lot of people. Doing other physical activities together like going on hikes, biking on a trail, taking up rowing, join a local soccer club, join a swim team, go rock climbing, take up dancing, hot steamy yoga sessions etc etc can be a good alternative to hitting the gym. Bonus is you get to to hang out, have fun and lose weight together.
> Worth a shot if she doesn't want to hit the gym.
> Goodluck




i agree. if you been together for five years, why throw it away now? i do understand what you are talking about with the you being an 'asshole' i have the same dissorder. but i am just now starting to get over the whole 'hottness' thing. i guess you just need to start excepting people for who they are not what they look like, its hard i know but it will help you in the long run.


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## Konfyouzd (Aug 3, 2010)

Opeth666 said:


> call me shallow but if your not attracted to the person and if it's just getting worse then why would you stay with her? regardless if shes the greatest person in the world if she is or is becoming less attractive to you then why put yourself in a situation that you may ultimately regret down the line?


 
This sounds fucked up, but I kind of agree. If you're not completely happy with a person and they don't show any signs of changing after a certain amount of time I say to hell w/ it... 

I'm no saying cut and run right now, but if it gets to a point where you don't see things going where you want them to then you gotta do what you gotta do. 

EDIT: I also agree with the above post, but I still feel like if you're not happy then you're just not happy.


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## Harry (Aug 3, 2010)

zindrome said:


> Here's some alternate advice to what other people have said so far.
> Working out can be fucking boring to a lot of people. Doing other physical activities together like going on hikes, biking on a trail, taking up rowing, join a local soccer club, join a swim team, go rock climbing, take up dancing, hot steamy yoga sessions etc etc can be a good alternative to hitting the gym. Bonus is you get to to hang out, have fun and lose weight together.
> Worth a shot if she doesn't want to hit the gym.
> Goodluck



+1
I'm not really a fan of going for runs or stuff anymore. I just find it boring.
I do however do weight training, which I suppose is like "Hitting the gym" in a way, but unlike running I do find it really enjoyable.
For when I wanna do other activity, I'll go to a basketball court with a friend and shoot some hoops, cruise around on my skateboard, or kick a ball around. Doing stuff in a social situation tends to make exercise more fun


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## matt397 (Aug 3, 2010)

Its as if Im reading a post about me an my wife. Im fit, Im a scaffolder so I basically climb and lift steel for a living an when Im not working Im in the gym for 2 - 3 hours a day. This is gonna sound horrible but here goes, ever since she had our first kid shes gained a shit ton of weight. initially I was cool with it. Its been almost 3 freakin years since she had her so you think she'd be able to get her act together by now. She goes to the gym like twice a month which is completely fucking useless. She even says her self shes disappointed at how her body looks so maybe she'll start going to the gym more often. 
Anyways, good luck man !


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## Konfyouzd (Aug 3, 2010)

^ Is that really fair when you spend close to 11 hrs/day basically working out? 

I promise this isn't a troll post... Just an observation.  

Not directed at anyone in particular: Also, there'll come a point in time when we're all "unattractive" according to our current "standards". Not that one shouldn't do all they can to look their best should they so choose to do so, but perhaps *some* ppl put a little too much value in something that doesn't last all that long anyway... 

On the opposite side of the spectrum I've had quite a few gfs that were more or less perfect in terms of my idea of eye candy, but they were pretty much worthless in all other walks of life...


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## matt397 (Aug 3, 2010)

Konfyouzd said:


> ^ Is that really fair when you spend close to 11 hrs/day basically working out?
> I promise this isn't a troll post... Just an observation.
> 
> Not directed at anyone in particular: Also, there'll come a point in time when we're all "unattractive" according to our current "standards". Not that one shouldn't do all they can to look their best should they so choose to do so, but perhaps *some* ppl put a little too much value in something that doesn't last all that long anyway...


Yes. Yes it is fair  Heres the thing, our kids are in daycare, we spend ALOT of fucking money to keep them in daycare. My wife currently does not work, so that leaves her with about 9 hours a day of doing nothing. unless you include eating an watching tv. So yes. My statement is more than fair 

Also I understand that eventually we all become flabby wrinkly gross versions of what we used to look like but unless you have some sort of medical condition that slows your metabolism or forces you to eat mass amounts of carbs an not move all day than theres no excuse for being fat. Honestly if you watch what you eat, 1 gram of protein for every pound you weigh per day, low calories an eat your veggies, a good multivitamin and work out for 1 hour a day (half hour minimum of cardio an half hour minimum of weights) you will stay in great shape for the rest of your life.


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## Konfyouzd (Aug 3, 2010)

Ahh... Then yea, I'm sure there's more she could be doing. Didn't know she stayed home AND the kids are in daycare. 

Fair enough.

And you're right... I've been able to manage my weight in the past simply by taking note of what goes in. 

Perhaps you could do with your wife what one of the other guys here already suggested. Do something active that doesn't necessarily *feel* like a chore (as stated sometimes working out feels that way for ppl).

Hell just getting out of the house is enough a lot of the time.

I've noticed the more time I spend indoors the more I feel compelled to just eat things for no damn reason--out of boredom it seems.


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## cwhitey2 (Aug 3, 2010)

Konfyouzd said:


> ^ Is that really fair when you spend close to 11 hrs/day basically working out?
> 
> I promise this isn't a troll post... Just an observation.
> 
> ...




perfect... i now no longer look for the eye candy, i at least try to stay away haha...i find that the 'hotter' someone is the more they are missing the tools to sustain an actual relationship and for that matter a real convo. if they say 'like' more than 5 time in three sentences i just walk away, cause that's the road i have learned to stay away from.


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## Konfyouzd (Aug 3, 2010)

cwhitey2 said:


> perfect... i now no longer look for the eye candy, i at least try to stay away haha...i find that the 'hotter' someone is the more they are missing the tools to sustain an actual relationship and for that matter a real convo. if they say 'like' more than 5 time in three sentences i just walk away, cause that's the road i have learned to stay away from.


 
I digs this to an extent. I know some gorgeous women who are highly intelligent. They just don't want me... 

I've just known more that weren't worth a damn, but to say it always comes across like sour grapes. 

It does, however, remind me of that 30 Rock episode "The Bubble"


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## Tiger (Aug 3, 2010)

Im very shallow. Like, word for word, I agree with Henry here.



My last girlfriend, this became a problem. I didnt like her body, when you are first with someone you dont see but after years you get really critical. And honestly it really started to effect me, like I found her less and less sexually attractive and I'd get frustrated that she wouldnt even try when I was out there busting my ass every day. I'd never cheat though, so if that had kept going the pressure cooker would have gotten ugly.

You need to make your feelings clear and lead by example. The only way you're fucked is if SHE doesnt care how YOU look. My ex honestly didnt care that I had gotten ripped or anything.

I was really sensitive to all of it, and it leads no where nice. My new girlfriend, she's 90 pounds works out with me, takes a HUGE interest in it, and we both communicate about it. If you cant communicate without it being a FIGHT then thats a red flag.


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## Scar Symmetry (Aug 3, 2010)




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## asmegin_slayer (Aug 3, 2010)

jymellis said:


> what is her height and weight? is she proportionate for her dimensions? my wife is by no means "skinny" she is 5 '7" and about 175lbs. but she has that beyonce/j.lo/kardshian build.



age: 28 5 '6-5'7 something like that and weighs 150. The most important thing thats bothering me is her belly then ANYTHING ELSE!!



zindrome said:


> Here's some alternate advice to what other people have said so far.
> Working out can be fucking boring to a lot of people. Doing other physical activities together like going on hikes, biking on a trail, taking up rowing, join a local soccer club, join a swim team, go rock climbing, take up dancing, hot steamy yoga sessions etc etc can be a good alternative to hitting the gym. Bonus is you get to to hang out, have fun and lose weight together.
> Worth a shot if she doesn't want to hit the gym.
> Goodluck



A valid point and we should take advantage of those. Unfortunately I would take advantage of that then she would. She's not the sports type of girl. And most of those things we either don't have or cost money.

They say beauty isn't cheap, but your health isn't cheap either.



Harry said:


> +1
> I'm not really a fan of going for runs or stuff anymore. I just find it boring.
> I do however do weight training, which I suppose is like "Hitting the gym" in a way, but unlike running I do find it really enjoyable.
> For when I wanna do other activity, I'll go to a basketball court with a friend and shoot some hoops, cruise around on my skateboard, or kick a ball around. Doing stuff in a social situation tends to make exercise more fun



And I like that. Yet she's not into that.



matt397 said:


> Its as if Im reading a post about me an my wife. Im fit, Im a scaffolder so I basically climb and lift steel for a living an when Im not working Im in the gym for 2 - 3 hours a day. This is gonna sound horrible but here goes, ever since she had our first kid shes gained a shit ton of weight. initially I was cool with it. Its been almost 3 freakin years since she had her so you think she'd be able to get her act together by now. She goes to the gym like twice a month which is completely fucking useless. She even says her self shes disappointed at how her body looks so maybe she'll start going to the gym more often.
> Anyways, good luck man !



thx



Scar Symmetry said:


>




lol, love that video. And my girl has a nice one


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## Konfyouzd (Aug 3, 2010)

Tiger said:


> My ex honestly didnt care that I had gotten ripped or anything.


 


I'm sure she's not the only one...


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## Triple-J (Aug 3, 2010)

Tiger said:


> My last girlfriend, this became a problem. I didnt like her body, when you are first with someone you dont see but after years you get really critical. And honestly it really started to effect me, like I found her less and less sexually attractive and I'd get frustrated that she wouldnt even try when I was out there busting my ass every day. I'd never cheat though, so if that had kept going the pressure cooker would have gotten ugly.



You pretty much summed up every relationship I've ever had right there. 

As shallow as it sounds I've left girls who've put on weight then sat around moaning being insecure and fishing for compliments to ease their ego instead of actually doing something about it because as harsh as it sounds I just have zero time for people who sit around complaining about things that they _*can*_ change. 
There was a time when I felt bad for dumping these girls but I've bumped into quite a few of them by chance since then and I've felt justified for leaving them every single time cause they've all put on even more weight since I've left them.

Despite this I do feel bad for women who put on weight because I think that in a way it's harder for them as sports/fitness etc just isn't part of their culture and most women aren't raised with it whereas us guys have it thrown at us from the day we are born, but on the flipside of this far too many women seem to prefer the idea of taking some kind of shortcut or gimmick (surgeries, fad celebrity diets etc) for weight loss instead of doing some hard work in a gym or joining an aerobics class or something similar.


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## Konfyouzd (Aug 3, 2010)

Scar Symmetry said:


>




All jokes aside... 

YES 

Konfyouzd is okay with all of you being shallow. When you think your girl is gettin' a lil too chunky send her this way. I'll work her out.


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## Origin (Aug 3, 2010)

MaxOfMetal said:


> Are you guys living together? If so, set the pace as far as eating right (recommend healthier places to eat), keeping "better" food in the house (i.e. no soda, snack food, etc.), sign both yourselves up to a gym, etc.
> 
> Some other things to do:
> 
> ...



This. Ever since I started taking care of myself I've noticed when people are noticeably unhealthy too, it's perfectly normal. There is nothing wrong with wanting a healthy, able-bodied wife.  I hope everything goes well.


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## rectifryer (Aug 3, 2010)

Well, your not being selfish. If she doesn't take care of herself, why should you take care of her?


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## jaretthale78 (Aug 3, 2010)

cwhitey2 said:


> perfect... i now no longer look for the eye candy, i at least try to stay away haha...i find that the 'hotter' someone is the more they are missing the tools to sustain an actual relationship and for that matter a real convo. if they say 'like' more than 5 time in three sentences i just walk away, cause that's the road i have learned to stay away from.


 omg i hate the "like" bitches


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## matty2fatty (Aug 3, 2010)

Tiger said:


> Im very shallow. Like, word for word, I agree with Henry here.




'Go be fat on somebody else's time' may be the best line I've ever heard


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## asmegin_slayer (Aug 24, 2010)

Just a quick update to everyone. The lady and I had a needed heart to heart talk about a few issues that has grown over time. 

After the talk I'm happy to inform that everything has never been better, a lot of stress has been going away and things are looking up.

Thanks,


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## Konfyouzd (Aug 24, 2010)

asmegin_slayer said:


> Just a quick update to everyone. The lady and I had a needed heart to heart talk about a few issues that has grown over time.
> 
> After the talk I'm happy to inform that everything has never been better, a lot of stress has been going away and things are looking up.
> 
> Thanks,


 


very good to hear, sir.


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## usagi (Aug 29, 2010)

I just lost 20lbs over the last 4 months and now I'm looking around me thinking "look at all these fat pieces of crap everywhere" I think you're suffering from the same problem. Staying in shape is only going to get more difficult as you get older. If that is important to you and not to her you have different mindsets and you ultimately wont be compatible. Like Henry said. It's going to eat at you and piss you off. I lost the wieght to improve my blood pressure. I wanted to be healthier for my family. If she doesn't want to do the same thing for you there are going to be problems later on. IMO Should have read your last post. Good for you. Encourage her and she'll get there.


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## chaosxcomplex (Aug 29, 2010)

I'm coming in a little late on this, but I agree with you taking a little control over it. Eating healthy is half of the equation, and regular exercise (even if it's not running 3 miles to the gym and doing butt flexes until your pants rip) is the other half. She will feel better in time as well, both physically and mentally. I know I feel way better since I've changed my horrible eating habits.

But good to hear you guys got some stuff straightened out, it feels good when you can breathe again!


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## Maniacal (Sep 10, 2010)

Most women stop caring what there bodies look like once they are married and have kids. This seems to be especially true for women aged 30+

My bro got married a few months ago to a fat lady. She lost quite a lot of weight for the wedding but now thats done its only a matter of time for the lard to pile on... Bingo will be back!


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## EcoliUVA (Sep 10, 2010)

Konfyouzd said:


> All jokes aside...
> 
> YES
> 
> Konfyouzd is okay with all of you being shallow. When you think your girl is gettin' a lil too chunky send her this way. I'll work her out.


 
HAHAHA!...this made my afternoon. +rep for you dude.


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## mmr007 (Sep 10, 2010)

here's the deal...break up. You can't look at five years as if that's an investment that would just be thrown away and if you've lasted this long see it through...no. 

You've had 5 years of enjoyment but that ride appears to be ending and it would be best to move on. You won't change her, she can only change herself and you will resent her because of her weight and she has become unattractive and she will resent you because she is only working out for you and not herself. That can't work. 

Two people can grow apart emotionally, mentally or physically. You started at the same place and now are going different directions. You should only marry someone who you thank your god every day that you get to spend time with


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